Out of the Past

Steven walked into the Blue Saloon, looking around. It looked like a pub, not a nightclub or a Roman bath. There was wood flooring and brick walls, a long bar, beer on tap, and classic rock playing on the sound system. He snorted to himself as he A Torquere Press Arcana - 1

headed to the bar and grabbed himself a stool. When had he become old enough that the good music was called classic? Not his usual watering hole, the Blue Saloon felt comfortable, and the admiring looks he could feel thrown his way didn't hurt. The bartender was busy at the other end of the bar, which was fine; it gave him a chance to do some admiring of his own. Like the man a few stools down. Now there was someone just his type: short, built, glasses. Steven didn't always go for the full beard and mustachioed, but he didn't dislike facial hair. Oh, nice blue eyes... Smiling, he moved over. The man looked over at him once, then twice, then again, almost like they'd met. Then the man

looked back into his beer glass, shoulders hunched a little.

"You a shy one, honey?"

"I've been accused of it a time or two. Yeah." Rough voice -- husky, deep, it sent shivers down his

spine.

Oh, God, he could listen to that voice read a phonebook. "Well, I can work with shy. Can I buy you

a drink?"

Those blue eyes met his, looking completely shocked and surprised. "Me? You want to buy me a

drink?"

Steven chuckled. "Is that so surprising?" There was something about this guy... more than just

being his type.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess so."

"It is?" He had to wonder if this guy didn't want to get picked up or if he wasn't the guy's type. He

took another look. God, there was something so familiar... "Have we met?"

Those amazing eyes went wide, and then the guy took a deep breath. "What're you drinkin', man?"

Oh, maybe he was one of those guys who liked to do the buying. Steven could work with that, too.

"Well, I usually have a martini..." This wasn't really a martini type place, though.

"Okay. Jack, get the man a dirty martini and give me a double shot of JD." A twenty was passed

over by scarred, wrinkled hands.

He touched one hand, fingertips sliding over the marked skin. Fascinating. "Thank you."

The guy went still, took a breath. "Not a problem, man. I haven't seen you in here before."

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"It's my first time here. It's nice and warm, friendly." He smiled and took a sip of the martini that

had been put down in front of him. "You knew the bartender’s name, so I assume you're a regular?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm in here a lot."

"You seem so familiar. Are you sure we haven't met?"

"Well, man. If we had and you didn't remember me, that would suck."

"It would. I can't imagine forgetting you." Still, those eyes were so familiar it almost hurt.

"Yeah. Well. What brought you into this place tonight?" Those scarred hands smoothed the tight T-

shirt down, the motion sexy as fuck.

"Maybe it was fate," he murmured, flirting like crazy and taking another sip of his martini to keep from reaching out to touch the hard belly. "I doubt it. You come in with someone, man?"

"No, I'm not with anyone." He hadn't been with anyone for a long time. Oh, he'd had sex, fuck

buddies, but no one special, not since... He sighed. "Not for a long time."

"What happened? He leave you?" Why did the guy sound so... tense?

"No." He shook his head, the pain always surprising him, at how it could be so immediate even

after all these years. He took a deep breath and let it go as best he could. "No, he died."

"Oh. That sucks, man." The man stood, cracked his neck. "See you."

"What? Hey, come on. I thought we were having a good time here." He was attracted to this guy.

Really.

"Penny, man. I'm not in the mood. I'm sorry you lost your feller, but, shit. You don't remember my

fucking name. I'm not having a good time." The guy just walked away, grabbing a hat off the bar as he went. The nickname sliced right through him. Penny. No one had called him that since... shit, that's who this guy reminded him off.

He frowned and followed the man out the door. "Hey. Hey, you."

"What?"

"Who put you up to this?" Someone had a very sick sense of humor.

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"Put me up to what?"

"The looks, the nickname. Who the hell thought it would be funny? Because I don't think it's funny

at all." Steven wrapped his arms around himself, the evening suddenly seeming very cold after the

warmth of the bar.

"Have you lost your mind?" Those amazing, fucking familiar eyes stared at him. "Are you fucking

crazy?"

"Is that what this is about? Is someone trying to make me think I'm crazy?" He glared, the pleasant

evening gone.

"Look, Penny. You walked into my bar, not the other way around. This is where I live, my place.

You take your high-dollar life and go on, just like always." The man headed for a huge, red pickup.

Oh, he didn't think so. "Excuse me? You're here pretending to be my dead lover and I'm the one

getting attitude?"

"Jesus, Steven. I mean, I know I wasn't much to you, but we were together for almost a year. Was I

that fucking forgettable?"

He shook his head. It couldn't be. It couldn't. "No. No, you're dead. I mean he's dead. You can't be

him."

"No. I'm me. Go home, Penny. Quit slumming." That little, compact body swung up into the truck,

the engine roaring to life.

That ass. He would know that ass anywhere.

It couldn't be.

But it was.

"Andy..." He felt the blood drain out of his cheeks and his knees gave out. He shook his head again.

No. No, he'd buried Andy.

The truck left. Just drove off. Jesus. He stared for a long moment and then shook his head and made

himself stand. No way. It wasn't Andy. It couldn't be.

He staggered back in and made his way to the bar, sitting heavily.

"Hey, man. How goes?" The bartender was wiping down the wood. "You okay?"

He shook his head. "No. No, I'm not. Give me a whiskey, neat." He didn't understand why anyone

would play a joke like that. It was cruel.

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"Sure. You and Andy get into a fight or something? He's a good guy, but he's a hard pickup."

"What? You're in on it, too?" He leaned in, voice low, tight. "Who put you up to this?"

"Huh?" The bottle was held, half-above the glass. "You might not need this, man."

"Trust me, I fucking need it. And I want to know who put you up to this -- did someone come in

here and pay you to drop that name?" God, he was shaking.

"What name? Andy Johnson? He's a regular; comes in every Tuesday and Friday for the last six

years. Everybody knows him. Hell, he built half the guys in here's houses." The little guy didn't

look like he was lying.

Fuck, this was insane.

"Give me my fucking drink, man." He pulled out his wallet, shaking more than ever as he pulled

out a ten.

"I don't know... Did Andy do something to you? I've never seen him mean, not even a bit..."

A big guy came in the door, sat down hard. "Man, Andy tore out of here. Is he okay?"

"Y...you know him, too?" The evidence was starting to mount.

"Andy? Yeah. He's a good guy. Quiet. Builds one hell of a house." Rheumy eyes landed on him,

curious. "Did y'all have a to-do?"

Steven shook his head and shot back the whiskey, concentrating on the burn. "I buried him nearly

ten years ago." Maybe he was losing his mind.

"Man looks good for a corpse."

"Yeah. Yeah, he does." He nodded to his glass. "I think I need another."

"One more, man, and that's it, okay?"

"Just pour me the drink." He wasn't anywhere near drunk.

"Sure, man." Jack poured him the drink and walked away, leaving the other men staring at him,

looking confused.

"So, Andy. Andy Johnson. He's an architect then?" The bartender had said something about Andy

making houses for half the people who frequented the bar... Steven's head spun.

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"No. He went to school for it for a while, but he's a builder. He was in a real bad accident a hundred years ago or something." Another big, gruff man chuckled. "He's all creaky in the cold."

Steven's head hurt. His stomach was in knots. "Ten years ago. It was ten years ago." And he'd been

told Andy was dead. He'd buried the man for Christ's sake.

"Oh, man. Did you know him before? He said he was real tore up."

Steven nodded and then suddenly, he had to get out of there. He needed some air before he threw

up.

Ten years. For ten years he thought the love of his life was dead. He threw some money on the bar

and stumbled out into the chill night air. Jesus. Ten years. Ten years and Andy'd landed not fifty miles from where there was a tombstone with his name on it. He wanted to know what the hell had happened. Who'd stolen ten years of love from him? Getting a hold of himself, he headed for his car, loaded for bear. *** Jesus. Just... Jesus.

Andy rolled his head on his shoulders and watched the dogs run in the backyard while he drank

another beer. A whole motherfucking year they lived together and Steven didn't even remember

him. Jesus.

The doorbell rang and he stormed to the front, growling, pissed as all get out as he tore the door open. "What?" And there he was, large as life and looking like hell. Steven. His Penny. "A...Andy?"

"What? Someone at the bar told you my fucking name? Go away, man." He pushed the door,

snarling. Asshole. Fucking asshole.

Steven got his leg in the way of the door and then pushed right in. "Oh, I don’t think so. I'm the one who's been deceived all these years; you don't get to go all high and mighty on me."

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"Excuse me?" What the fuck? He was the one who'd been hurt. Fucked. Scarred. Dumped. Deserted. "A knock on my door. Our door. You were dead. No open casket -- they identified you by your teeth. I have mourned you for ten years!" "What the fuck are you talking about?" "What the fuck am I talking about? I'm talking about being told you were dead. I'm talking about buying caskets and a fucking headstone with your name on it." "Do I fucking look dead to you?" Jesus, this was a mindfuck. He had a life. He was happy. Why the fuck was Steven here? "No. No, you don't." Sagging against the wall, Steven looked as if he was about to faint. "Why?" "Why what?" "Why did you have them tell me you were dead? I don't get it. I loved you, Andy. My heart still aches with it." "Excuse me?" Oh, now. That was fucking enough. "Look, you lousy motherfucker. I was in the Goddamn hospital for over a Goddamn year! I was the one who had to deal with the lawyers. I was the one who got the lecture about how your fucking insurance wasn't going to pay for reconstructive surgery. About how you weren't going to be held responsible. About how you were young and healthy and didn't feel like it was in your best fucking interest to come see me!” He slammed his hand into the wall, the skin around his knuckles splitting. "Get out of my house!" Instead of getting out, Steven was sinking down along the wall, shaking. "What?" The man shook his head. "Dead. They said you were dead. I didn't. I don't. Oh, my God." "Get up." Andy couldn't fucking handle this. It was Friday night. He needed a fucking break. "Get up off the floor." Steven reached out for him. "Please, Andy. Don't you get it? They told me you were dead." "No. No, I don't get it." He shook his head, feeling more than a little sick to his stomach. "I swear, Andy. I was told you were dead. I buried you. I didn't know. I would have been there, but I didn’t know." Steven closed his eyes and banged his head against the wall. "I didn't know." "Would you fucking stop it!" He reached down, grabbed Steven and stood him up on his feet. It had been a long fucking time since he'd dealt well with drama.

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"Excuse the fuck me for being freaked the hell out, Andy. It's not every day I come face to face

with my dead lover."

"Well, it's not every day I run into the fuckhead who sent me out for porn and ice cream and

dumped me."

"I didn't fucking dump you! You died on me!" Steven was breathing hard.

"I'm not dead!"

"I know." Steven’s hands landed on his shoulders. "But I've only known for a few hours, Andy."

"Don't." Andy pulled away, confused as hell. "What are you doing here?"

"You're alive." Well, at least Steven had stopped proclaiming him dead.

"I know." Jesus. He had a headache. "Do you want a cup of coffee?"

Steven blinked, those green eyes looking at him. "Yeah. I do."

"You still take it with sugar?" He headed back toward his kitchen, doing his dead-level best not to

think.

"Yeah. You still take it black?"

"Yeah." He set the Mr. Coffee up and poured the water.

Steven was staring. "God. Andy."

"What?" He was all scarred up, ugly. He knew.

"I just can't believe that you're alive, and I'm standing here in your kitchen after ten years of

believing you died in that car crash."

"I don't know what to tell you. I'm not dead. I never was."

Steven nodded, hand reaching for him. It landed on his chest, over his heart. "I feel like I stepped

into the Twilight Zone."

Andy looked down, blinking a little. Jesus. He wasn't sure he wanted Steven to touch him. He'd

gotten over it.

He'd coped.

Steven moved closer, hand sliding now, heel brushing over his nipple. Blue eyes gazed at him.

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"I don't... You and me, we got shit to work out, man."

Steven blinked and stepped back, shaking himself a little like a dog. "Sorry. I... You're right. I'm

just glad you're alive, Andy." The words were softly spoken, tight.

"So... what are you doing these days?" He poured the coffee, staring at his hands.

"I'm running the Foundation." Steven’s family were richer than God and one of their ventures was a

foundation that did charity shit.

"Cool. Your folks were all about that." He did construction. He did a good job of it, too, damn it.

"Yeah. They're pretty happy about how things turned out." The words were bitter. Steven had been

an artist when they'd been together. "Oh. Oh, fuck. It must have been them."

"You think?" They'd fucking hated his redneck ass from the beginning. "I'm surprised they haven't

ordered you a wife."

"They keep trying." Steven shook his head and wrapped his arms around himself, blinking hard. "I

can't believe... God. God. How bad were you hurt?"

"Bad. I was in a coma for twenty-two days." Then he'd woken up in hell.

"Oh, fuck. Babe..." Steven's breath hitched. "I should have been there when you woke up."

"Yeah, well. You had shit to do." He had too, and of all of it, the real truth was that Steven hadn't

needed to hang and wait for him to get his shit together.

Steven shook his head. "No. I should have been there when you woke up. I would have been if I

hadn't already buried you." Steven laughed, the sound a little hysterical. "I can't believe they did

this to me, to you."

"Well, they weren't much on approving, and you were probably back on the East Coast before I

woke up." Lord knew they wanted Steven back in Baltimore and not down near Dallas. "What are

you doing here? You live here or just visiting?"

"I still live here, babe. I have since the accident. I couldn't stay in the condo, I just couldn't, but I

didn't want to leave. I felt closer to you here." Steven shrugged. "This is where you're buried.

Christ, that sounds insane, now."

"Oh." Well, he hadn't looked for a long damn time, and if that wasn't true, he'd pretty much stopped

paying attention.

Mostly.

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He drank his coffee, poured another cup, not knowing what to say. "How'd you find the house?" "I've got some connections and a Blackberry. Once I knew to look for you, you were pretty easy to find." Steven bit his lip. "I want to touch you, Andy. I want to hold you and hug you." "I'm not much into touching these days, Pe... man. Come on, I gotta let the dogs in." He had scars, bad ones, and no matter what the fairy stories said, you didn't just get your life back. Steven looked so fucking sad. It was almost enough to make him feel sorry for the guy. Almost. "I never stopped loving you." Steven followed him to the back door. "That's not how the story went on this side of town. You stopped loving me a long time ago." He let the beasts in, both of the rotties curious about Steven -- Jolene sniffing and Pug nuzzling. Steven spared the dogs a glance, hand petting absently. "Whatever they told you -- it wasn't true. I didn't know or I would have been at your side. Andy... Andy, please." "Please what, Penny? We're not the same people now, at least I'm not. I'm a big old redneck and your people would like me a hell of a lot less these days." Hell, his people hated Steven with a passion -- from baby Jen to his granny. Steven snorted. "My people never liked you, Andy, and I never let that stop me from seeing you." Eyes dark with pain, Steven turned away from him. "I can't imagine what you went through or how it felt to think I didn't care enough to stick around, but could you take a minute to think of what I went through, believing you were dead?" "I'm sorry, man. I mean, it must've sucked for you and I hope you got on with your life after." Went back to school. Fell in love. Traveled. Steven turned around again. "You could find out. We could... I don't know -- date. See if we've really changed that much. Please, Andy, my only wish for the last ten years was a chance to tell you I loved you one more time and now I've got it. I can't just say 'hey, glad you're still alive, I really loved you, you know' and walk away forever. I can't." He blinked and chuckled. Shit. That was why he'd fallen for the silly bastard ten years ago. Steven was smart, clever and could talk like nobody's business. "No? Well, you could at least do the 'hey, glad you're still alive part.'" "Oh, God, Andy. I am. Why do you think I'm here begging for another chance? I am so glad you're alive. And I did love you. More than anything." One hand reached out, touching his face where the scars hid beneath his beard. "I'd have stood by you, Andy. You know I never cared what our families thought."

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"Don't. I'm like Frankenstein under there. It's bad." He brushed his lips against Penny's palm and then backed away. "It's damned late. You want to spend the night in the guest room?" A soft shiver went through Steven at his kiss, his Penny nodding. "Yes, please."

"Okay. Tomorrow's Saturday. It'll be easier in the morning and I've been up since four." And he

didn't want to do this. He just didn't. Not right now.

"Okay. I just found you again. I can wait one more night."

He knew it was a damned stupid move, but he went over, leaned up and took a kiss, just as long and

hot and full of all the tears and pain and hate and love he'd carried for the last ten years. Then he

stepped away, throat tight. "Come on. I'll show you the guest room."

Steven panted, hands opening and closing, color high. "I'd rather you kissed me again."

"I cain't." He shrugged, heart fluttering some in his chest. "If I do, things'll get way out of hand."

"Would that be so bad?" Steven asked, taking a step toward him.

"We don't know each other any more. It'd just be sex."

"Sex with a memory," Steven murmured, eyes dropping, hands shoving into his pockets.

"Yeah and my memory's been fucked up and that ain't fair to you, you know? I been blaming you

for a long time."

Steven nodded slowly. "I'm sorry. You'd better take me to this guest room of yours."

"Come on." He had a nice house -- well-built, pretty, a showplace, sorta, for people who wanted to

hire him. "It's upstairs."

Steven looked around as he followed, the dogs milling around them. "It's a nice place, Andy."

"Thank you. I built it."

"Yeah? They mentioned down at the bar that that's what you did now." Steven’s hand slid along the

banister as they went up the stairs. "It's well-made, babe."

He nodded. It was. It was beautiful and well-made and his. "Whereabouts do you live? Over near Highland Park or downtown or something?" "Downtown. I opened a foundation office in one of those big high rises on Pine. I live on the top floor."

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"Huh. Good on you. I don't get into the city much. I'm more a Ft. Worth guy any day."

He opened the guest room door. "There's a little bathroom in there, towels and shit. You want a

robe?"

"Yes, please." Steven smiled at him. "You remembered."

The man had always been cold. "Yeah. I remember a lot." He smiled back, headed for his bedroom

to grab his robe. It was warm enough to work.

He didn't realize Steven had followed him until the man was there, peeking into his bedroom from

the open doorway. It was dark -- all in blues and deep browns, with a huge window that faced the

lake. It was all his -- heavy furniture and books, a little drafting table for late night ideas.

"Oh, it suits you," murmured Steven. "Down to a 'T'."

"It should. I designed it."

"I'm glad." Steven shrugged, taking the robe as he handed it over, fingers lingering over his. "It was

what you always wanted."

"It was part of it, yeah. What about you? Do you paint, still?"

"I do, but it's been pretty dark..."

"Dark's in now, I hear."

"Is it? I..." Steven looked down at the robe. "Thank you."

"Fuck, this is weird, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is." Meeting his eyes, Steven gave him a wry smile. "I'll take it over the alternative,

though."

"Yeah? I mean, you gotta have done your mourning, Penny. This doesn't just open it all back up?"

"It never stopped hurting, Andy. I tried dating, seeing other people, but there was always something

missing. I had thing going awhile back. Moved him in and everything, but he wasn't you."

"Well, there is a lack of really entertaining, queer rednecks." He was a one-night stand type,

himself, really.

Steven chortled, looking startled. "Oh, babe. I'd forgotten how you could make me laugh."

"I'm a funny, funny man."

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"You can be, yes." Steven touched him again, hand sliding across one shoulder. "I'd better go or I'm

going to kiss you again."

"I'll make breakfast." He leaned up, kissed Penny's temple. "Good night."

The hand on his shoulder squeezed and Steven nodded. "Good night."

And then Steven fled.

Andy sat on the edge of his bed, blinking slow. Jesus. Jesus. Ten years he'd hated Steven. Hated

him. He could hear Steven moving around in the guest bedroom, and then things went quiet.

"Fuck." He sighed and went to sit at his drawing table and picked up his pencil. He couldn't think

about this any more.

He'd been at it awhile, lost in the drawing when a soft knock at the door startled him. "Andy? Are

you awake?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Penny. What's up?"

The door pushed open, Steven wrapped up in his robe. "I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes I

worry I'm going to wake up and find this isn't real."

"Yeah." He covered up the drawing pad with the portrait of Penny drawn over and over. "You want

waffles?"

"I could eat. Honestly, I want to spend more time with you."

"Well, come on down. We'll have food. I'm not sleeping." He was freaking right the fuck out.

"You got any fresh fruit? I can make custard to go on them." Steven stayed close, he could smell

the man.

"Custard? Weirdo." He nudged Steven with one shoulder. "Waffles need butter and syrup, don't

they?" God, they'd had this conversation a hundred times. Jokingly, laughing, young. Happy.

"Oh, sure. Those are expected. It takes a real artist to put custard with waffles. And make it work."

Steven’s eyes twinkled down at him.

"Yeah, but you're a Yankee, what do you know?" Fuck. He was getting hard, balls getting tight.

"Oh, I know a thing or two. Like I know how much you like my custard." Steven’s hips bumped

against his as they walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't had it since... well, since the last time you made it for me."

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Steven’s hand slid over his hip, the touch simple, but also intimate. "Well then, it's time you have it

again."

"I'll make the waffle part." Maybe bacon. Or something.

"I always did love your waffles, babe." The touch was back, Steven’s fingers lingering on his hip.

"Steven. Penny. You have to stop that. You're making me hard as nails."

"You make that sound like it's a bad thing..." God, he knew that look.

"Steven. I'm trying to be all logical and shit."

"Oh, babe, don't go confusing this with logic. It's late. Seeing you makes me ache from missing you

more than ever." Steven backed him up against the counter, and he could feel an answering erection

pressing against him.

He couldn't have stopped his moan for love or money. "Jesus. Penny." He'd never been able to not

want that man. Never.

Steven leaned down, moving so slowly, like they were the instant replay in stop-motion so you

could see every second of the play. Then their lips were touching and everything sped up again as

Steven’s mouth smashed against his own.

Fuck. Fuck him. He got one hand wrapped around Penny's neck, tongue pushing into that hot

mouth. Penny's lips wrapped around his tongue, sucking on it good and hard, hands grabbing his

shoulders and holding on tight. Fuck. His cock was going to batter its way out of his sweats. Penny

tasted so fucking good.

Gasps and moans filled his mouth, Penny pushing a hand between them to undo the robe. Steven’s

skin was still as smooth as ever, like warm silk. Andy kept his clothes on. He was scarred up, the

hair growing in weird patterns, body never going to be fine again.

Penny rubbed against him, mouth opening wider, inviting him in deeper. Andy got one hand

wrapped around Steven’s ass, tugging them tight together.

"Wait. Skin." Penny reached right into his sweats and pulled out his cock before pressing harder

against him.

"Steven." He didn't even have a chance to deny his Penny access.

"Sh. No thinking, babe. Not tonight."

"I'm scarred."

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"You feel good, Andy." Penny reached between them again, wrapping a hand about both their

cocks, pulling on them.

"Oh. Oh, fuck." His eyes rolled, thighs going tight as boards. He hadn't felt that in so fucking long.

Moaning, Penny kept stroking, eyes on his, hot and needy.

"Steven. Steven, fuck." He pushed back into the kiss, letting himself go.

Steven’s free arm wrapped around his shoulders, holding on and bringing them even closer

together. Their tongues slid and fought, stroked. His hips started moving, rocking up and fucking

those fingers.

"Andy." His name sounded like a prayer.

"Yeah. Yeah, Penny. Fuck. So fucking good."

Steven’s thumb flicked across the heads of their cocks. "Wanna smell you, babe."

"Steven!" His balls went tight and he shot. Hard.

"Oh, God!" Steven arched, cock sliding along his own and then his Penny came, eyes going wide.

He groaned, dazed and confused, entire body shuddering. It was like a weird dream. Steven rested

against him, hand still wrapped around their pricks.

All of the sudden he was exhausted, bone deep tired. "Come to bed?"

"With you? Yes. Yes, please." Steven kissed him lightly.

"'kay." He couldn't think anymore.

Steven’s arm looped around his waist and together they headed back up the stairs.

The bed was big enough for both of them to sleep and not touch. He settled on the left side,

grabbing his pillow. Steven climbed in and spooned back up against him, just like that. It was too easy, to wrap one arm around Steven’s waist and fall asleep, but that's what he did. Maybe it was just a dream, after all. *** Steven was having that dream again. The one where Andy was still alive and they were wrapped up together, snuggling under the covers, that muscled, hot body keeping him warm. Steven didn't want to wake up, and he let the dream hold him, keep him warm, keep him feeling good.

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He could even smell Andy this time, feel warm breath on his neck. Sighing happily, he snuggled in

closer.

"Mmm. Shh. 's okay." Voice a little gruffer than he remembered, that was his Andy.

Wait.

That was Andy.

His eyes blinked open and it all came rushing back to him. Andy was alive and he was here, in the

man's bed. Andy looked... God, there were the tiniest, finest scars all over, but the overall look was

sexy, masculine.

Steven pressed close, face tilting and leaning in so he could take a kiss. The beard tickled and scratched, hiding the soft, warm lips. Andy's eyes popped open, that blue unmistakable, intense. He smiled into those eyes, a warm thrill going through him. Andy. His Andy. He licked at Andy's lips, pressing close.

"I... I don't." Andy groaned, giving him a kiss that curled his toes, made his head spin.

He slid his arms up along the strong muscles, reveling in them. There were scars everywhere everywhere. Big and ropy, tiny and spider-webbed -- it stunned him that anyone could live through

that.

It made him kiss Andy harder, pouring how happy he was that Andy was still alive into it.

"This is a bad idea, Penny." One hand was under the robe, on his ass, tugging him closer.

"And if I had a penny for every time someone said that to me about us..." He reveled in that touch,

in Andy's solid hand holding him.

Andy chuckled, the sound bittersweet. "No shit."

"And yet here we are, babe." He licked at Andy's lips and then pressed in for another kiss, pulling

that chuckle into himself.

Andy's fingers tightened, dragging him in closer. Andy'd gotten strong, solid. Hard. It was sexy as

fuck.

Oh, fucking. He wanted that, wanted to feel Andy buried inside him. Moaning at the thought, he

pushed back into Andy's hand. Andy groaned, muscles rippling.

"I want you." Steven's whispered words hung between them, his need exposed.

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"Penny..." He hadn't heard his name said like that in... Yeah. Yeah. Too long. He slid his leg over Andy's, pressing as close as he could. His fingers traced those scars, learning them as he re-learned Andy's body. Andy stilled, head ducking. "I... don't. Just don't, huh? They don't need to be touched." "They're a part of you, Andy." "Yeah." Andy took his hand, stopped him. "The broken part." "They aren't going to make me run away. You're not going to make me run away." He rubbed slowly against Andy, their bodies knowing what they wanted. Andy's cock was hard, thick and hot against the base of his stomach. Andy's eyes went all heavylidded. He pressed their lips together, letting it all come out in their kiss. He'd needed this for so long. Needed to believe for so long. His tongue tangled with Andy's, like their legs were mixed up, sliding and trying to tug each other even closer. His groans filled Andy's mouth. He looked up into Andy's eyes, surprised to see them shimmering, staring at him. "I'm right here," he whispered. And he wasn't going anywhere. Not now that he had a second chance. No matter how much Andy fought him on it. He dove back into the kiss. Andy rolled him, hand on the back of his neck, tilting his head, deepening the kiss until spots formed before his eyes. He held on, Andy's strength a huge turn-on, the need in the kiss even more so. Andy's hips worked against him, slamming into him over and over, that cock leaking all against his belly. Steven wrapped one leg around Andy's thigh, humping up into each thrust, adding to the slick between them drop by drop. They didn't talk, they didn't stop, they kept rocking and rubbing until the big bed screamed. His balls drew up tight against his body, his whole being alive, the years without this fading away. Andy grunted, head slamming back, the heavy, ropy scars on that thick neck going white. Heat sprayed over his belly, over his chest. He cried out, the feeling of Andy's come and the smell of it, sending him over. He shot hard, hands grasping Andy's shoulders tightly. Andy closed his eyes tight, shaking hard, like he was going to fall apart. Steven wrapped his arms around Andy, clutching grip turning into a soothing hold. His fingers slid on the man's spine, his breath hitching in his chest. "I should get us a towel..."

A Torquere Press Arcana - 17

Steven shook his head, hand slipping between them to rub the come into both their skins. "I like the way we smell together." "Penny..." Andy shuddered, moaned for him. "I'm not ready to fall in love with you again." From the sound of it, he was willing to bet Andy was right there, right with him, like always. "I never stopped loving you." "You didn't think that I..." Andy groaned. "I hated you, for leaving me. I fucking cursed you, screamed. I had to learn to talk again, to walk, everything." He held on tight, his heart aching for what Andy had gone through, for his own grief and pain. "I should have been there with you. Every step of the way. I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone." He was here now, though. Now he knew the truth and so did Andy and he'd be God damned if he let Andy go. "You really buried me?" "I did. I bring your ass flowers every week, too." Every Sunday morning, rain or shine. He was

more regular than the fucking post office.

"Jesus. You always were obsessive." Andy opened his eyes, looked down at him. Grinned.

Bastard.

He thumped the man's arm. Hard. "You used to like it when I obsessed about you." He worked to

ignore the sudden pain for all the years they'd lost, all the years that had been stolen from them.

"I used to be young and hot and whole, Penny. I used to be ready to take on the world. Now, I'm

just a guy who makes houses."

"We're all older, Andy. You don't get that one all by yourself." He looked into those oh-so-familiar

eyes. "Yesterday you were dead, now you're here in my arms. What's a few scars, a few wrinkles in

the face of your being alive?"

"You romantic."

"Don't say it like it's a bad thing, Andy."

"It's not. I just... Shit, Penny, I don't know what to do now, you know? My life's fucking turned

upside down."

"You keep holding me. And later there will be fucking. I want to feel you inside me. Deep inside me." His voice went all rough and twisted, his hole clenching. He'd been empty a long time.

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"Shh." Andy frowned, tugged him closer. "Easy, now. We'll figure this out."

Oh, God. It was that care that did him in, the way that Andy sought to soothe and comfort him

despite everything. He buried his face in Andy's neck, blinking hard. Andy held him tight, rocking

him nice and easy. Jesus. That was Andy's heart beating. Right there. Under his ear. Alive. Boom,

boom. Alive, alive.

"You figure out what you need to, Andy. I'm not letting you go."

"You've said that before. I wanted to believe it."

"It doesn't need you to believe it to be true." He never really had let go. The weekly flowers proved

that.

Andy's chuckle shook the solid man against him. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess you're right, Penny."

He smiled, Andy's skin warm against his lips. "Of course, I'm right!"

"Hey, everybody can be, once in their life."

He poked his fingers into Andy's ribs, searching out that spot that used to drive Andy to giggles if

you got it just right... Andy jerked, snorted, started laughing good and hard, and Jesus, it felt good,

to know that it still worked, that it hadn’t changed.

Steven kept prodding and poking, laughing right along with Andy until the tears were streaming

down his face and he didn't know if he was laughing or crying anymore. It couldn't last, and they

sank down into the covers, wrapped around each other, whispering into each others' lips.

He could mourn the lost ten years, or he could hold on tight to this. Steven held on. *** He smelled coffee when he woke up and Andy couldn't quite figure out what was up -- he lay in the

bed, blinking slow, staring at the ceiling.

Lord, what a screwed up dream.

Honestly. Damn.

"Oh, you're awake. Cool." Okay, that wasn't a dream.

"I. Hey. Hey. You're. Wow." Damn. Up. Up.

Penny came and sat on the side of the bed, next to him, coffee cup in hand. It was held out to him

with a warm smile. "Morning."

A Torquere Press Arcana - 19

"Morning." Andy stared, his heart slamming in his chest.

When he didn't grab the steaming cup, Steven put it on the little side table. The hand that then

landed on his chest was warm from the cup, heating his skin as Penny leaned over him, touching their lips together. Andy caught himself gasping, leaning forward to deepen the kiss, like there was nothing wrong with it. Steven’s tongue met his, sliding into his mouth along with a moan. Coffee and toothpaste.

Coffee and toothpaste and Penny.

What was he doing?

Climbing under the sheets with him, Penny slid close, pushing against him.

"This is a terrible idea." One leg wrapped around Penny's, dragging them closer. His body was not

being logical.

Steven shook his head, skin warming quickly. Andy’s cock was filling quickly, aching wherever it

touched Steven. Long fingers slid around him, exploring his cock, squeezing.

"Penny." He shook his head, even as his hips pushed forward, sliding his cock into that touch.

"Shh. I let the dogs out. Let me love you." Steven seemed determined to ignore all the reasons this

was so not a good idea.

"We're not together any..." He groaned, legs drawing up as Steven touched him, right were he needed it. "We feel pretty together to me." Steven's eyes stared into his own, and then his Penny wriggled down the bed, leaving kisses along his chest.

"You..." His breath caught as Steven found a little mass of scars, his hand hiding them.

Andy's hand was carefully, and deliberately, moved away, Penny's tongue tracing each and every

scar.

"Penny. Penny, I." His eyes fluttered shut, this raw, broken sound pouring out of him. Steven kept kissing and licking, lips so soft, tongue so hot. "That was where the steering wheel caught me." He'd ended up under the car, halfway out the windshield, the steering wheel embedded in his chest.

"Oh, babe." Steven kept loving on him, fingers joining Penny's hot mouth in exploring him.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 20

"There's a lot of them." A lot.

Steven seemed determined to touch each and every single one. "I can't believe you survived."

"There were lots of times I didn't want to. There are mornings now..." Hell, he could get sore.

His Penny made a small noise, the touches gentling, easing him somewhere deep inside.

He let his eyes close, let himself relax. "I used to pretend, when it was bad, that you were just... I

don't know, that you would walk in the fucking door."

"I wish I'd had that chance." Steven's nose slid alongside his hip, cheek not quite rubbing his prick.

"Yeah." It still fucking pissed him off. Still hurt.

Steven growled a little, and suddenly that hot mouth was around his prick, taking him in. Andy's

eyes went wide, hands slamming into the sheets. His cock hit the back of Penny's throat before the

man stopped going down on him.

"Steven! Steven, damn!" He arched, heels digging in, hips pushing up.

Hands pressing against his hips, Steven held him down, head bobbing on him, taking him deep

every third time or so. Andy sort of spun, hips rolling, body bucking up and taking Steven's lips

over and over. Steven opened wide, letting him in and swallowing around the head of his prick,

each time it hit his Penny's throat. The suction stayed strong, Steven's tongue hitting his prick

randomly.

"Gonna." Fuck, he was so going to shoot. Jesus fucking Christ.

Those long fingers squeezed his hips, their old signal for "go for it".

Tears filled his eyes as he did. God damn it. He swore he would never fucking cry over... Oh...

Penny kept working his cock, pulling out one sweet aftershock after another until finally, his prick

was let go, a soft kiss dropped on it.

Andy turned his head to the pillow, breathing deep, trying to calm the fuck down. Steven's breath

skittered across his hip and prick for a few moments, and then Penny slipped up along his body,

dropping light kisses along the way.

He didn't know what the fuck to do, what to think.

Penny settled in along his side, head on his shoulder, fingers patting and stroking. Those fingers

touched his scars and traced his muscles; they played randomly on his skin.

"I don't know what to do now, Steven. I'm sorry; I just don't." There. He'd let Penny think on it.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 21

Steven's fingers stilled for a moment, and then started moving again. A little later it was Penny who broke the silence. "I keep fluctuating between mad as hell about what they did and so damn happy you're actually alive, here in my arms." "I'm not the same person anymore. You don't know that you'd want me now." Steven snorted and rolled against him, hard-on unmistakable against his hip. "I don't think that's an issue." "This is just our bodies going hello, not you and me connecting or anything." His Penny started laughing and he got a thump in the arm. "I see you're still oh-so-very-romantic." Yeah. That was him. Mr. Romance. He nodded. "I'm all fucking hearts and roses." The soft laughter faded slowly away, Steven snuggling in even closer. "I'll keep saying it as long as I need to, Andy. Now that I know you're alive, I'm not letting you go." "You don't know me anymore. I don't know you. I don't know where you live, what you're up to. What about your people and all that money? You think they're going to love this?" Steven growled, actually growled, sitting up and glaring down at him. "You think I give a shit what my people think about this? They fucking stabbed me in the heart ten years ago. I might go on a rampage and beat them all to death, but I am not going to let them take you away from me again!" "Yeah. Yeah, I have to think you give a shit. I have to because it was important enough to somebody, to make sure that I suffered. Jesus Christ, Penny -- your fucking lawyer walks in to a room where I can't even talk yet and tells me I'm too fucking broken, too ugly for the pretty boy and, if I'm really good, that your people won't sue me for driving your car!" The familiar, rich rage rose up in him, just under the surface. "I've hated you for years! Hated you for not loving me enough and now... Now it's all been a lie. Everything's a fucking lie!" Tears welled up in Steven's eyes, his Penny swiping at them. "I think we should sue them for what they did to us. I would do anything to have those ten years back, Andy, to make things be different. I would have been there for you, I swear. And I'm going to be here for you now." "Don't cry. Don't. I don't know how to feel sorry for you yet. I don't know how to forgive you for something you didn't do. I'm not that fucking smart." He might have been once, but that was a long time ago. "I'm crying for you, damn it! For what they did to you -- what you thought I did to you." Steven smacked the tears away again, blinking hard. "It hurts me just thinking about you lying there and that smug prick coming in and saying those things. God..." Penny shook his head. "You're stronger than anyone I know, Andy."

A Torquere Press Arcana - 22

"I wanted to die." It was the bald, ugly truth.

Steven's fingers started moving over him again, tracing his scars, but his muscles, too, not just

focusing on the ugly. "I bet you did. But you didn't."

"No. I didn't go back to school. I moved down here, started working once I could." He used to see

Steven's name, too, every so often, way back when - at some fancy-assed event, at some charity

deal. It had made him rage.

"From what I can tell you've done really well for yourself. You got your life back and made

something of it despite everything." Penny sighed and suddenly lay down again, holding onto him

hard.

"And what about you? You did good." His hands wrapped around Steven, petting and loving on the

son of a bitch.

Steven made a soft sound and nuzzled into his shoulder. "I kind of threw myself into work. Made it

easier not to think, you know?"

"Yeah. Did you graduate?"

"I had to take the semester over, but yeah, I graduated. And then I started running the foundation."

Steven blinked and chuckled suddenly. "I think I need to rename the Andrew Johnson Memorial Scholarship..." "God, yes. I am not dead." Not at all. "Good thing your lawyer knew the truth; I'd have had trouble getting a mortgage. "

"I am so firing that snake."

"Yeah, maybe what he did was illegal or something." Wouldn't that rock?

Penny nodded, light morning stubble rubbing along his shoulder. "At the very least, he should be

liable for a massive civil suit. Massive."

"There’s probably a statute of limitations on being an asshole because your folks didn't want you

marrying poor white trash."

"No, the fraud they perpetrated is on-going. I think we can make life hell for them for quite a while.

My second call will be to a new lawyer."

"Penny, they'll fuck your life up." He didn't really care; it was Steven's life to fuck, but he didn't

want it to be his fault.

"They already did fuck it up -- ten years ago when they told me you were dead. Besides -- they

A Torquere Press Arcana - 23

fucked your life up, too. Don't you want revenge? Don't you want them to pay for hurting you like

they did?"

"Shit, you don't think I spent months plotting big things? Hell, I knew I could find you if I really

wanted to. I just... I don't know. I don't know what to say." Jesus, his head hurt.

"You don't have to say anything." Steven's hands were back to petting him, soothing and sweet.

"We don't have to decide anything right now"

"So what am I supposed to do, man?" Was he supposed to just go with it?

"Hold me, Andy? And don't turn me away. Please."

Jesus, this was fucked. He grabbed Steven and pulled the sweet son of a bitch closer. At least it was

Saturday.

At least they had some time. *** If Steven had his way he and Andy would stay in bed for the rest of the day. They wouldn't talk or

worry on the future. They'd just be, revel in being together after so long of being apart.

He wasn't sure Andy was going to go along with that -- the man was coming at this from a different

angle. He'd been abandoned. It might not have been Steven's fault, but for ten years, Andy'd

believed he hadn't even cared enough to dump the man in person.

Steven slipped out of bed when he felt Andy fall asleep, intent on making the man breakfast and

feeding it to Andy in bed. He let the dogs in. He let the dogs back out. He found eggs and bacon

and bread for toast and got started, humming a little.

Andy was alive. Alive. He had to stop and take a breath. Then he had a rush of fury so bad he

couldn't even think. His folks had fucked him. Fucked both of them. He picked up the skillet and

tossed it across the room, screaming. How fucking dare they?

"Jesus Christ!" Andy came barreling down the stairs, tripping over the skillet and sliding, coming

crashing down on the tile. The dogs started barking furiously, paws hitting the back door.

"Oh, shit! Fuck! I'm sorry. Oh, shit, Andy!" Oh my God, what if he'd killed the man? He ran for

Andy. "Tell me you're okay!"

"I'm fine." Andy looked up, blinking. "Did someone try to break in?"

"No. Shit. It was me. I got pissed off. Sorry." He stroked Andy's head. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Uh-huh. Pissed off at the kitchen?"

A Torquere Press Arcana - 24

"No," he admitted sheepishly. "It got in the way..." He helped Andy sit up, looking closely at the man's head. "I'm good. Honest. I caught myself, huh?" Andy rolled his eyes, offered over a grin.

He grinned back. "Yeah, okay. You'll have to forgive me, but I've only just found out you're alive. I

may be a little bit paranoid about anything that hurts you as a result."

"Dude, I'm a big old contractor. I scare roofers for breakfast and have fought the good fight with

plumbers. So not dead."

He chuckled, reaching out to trace those magnificent muscles. "Mmm... yeah, you are a big

contractor, aren't you?"

"Perv." God, look at that smile. He could look at that smile forever.

"Nah. Maybe a little bit kinky for thinking of doing you here on the kitchen floor. Pervy would be

covering us with waffle batter first."

"Oh, ew." Andy swatted him, laughing a little and it made him stare, stupid with it.

God, he'd missed that laugh. Missed Andy's down-to-earthness. He leaned in. Andy's hand came

around his waist, settled there, nice and steady. Oh, that felt good. He touched their lips together,

breathing Andy in.

"You keep kissing me." Ah, Andy. The king of obvious statement.

"I like kissing you. I like the way you taste, the way you kiss me back." He would seduce Andy all

over again if he had to. He'd done it once; he could do it again. He had, too. Taken this quiet,

growly, gorgeous architecture student and found this amazing lover, this man with a wicked sense

of humor and a brave streak a mile wide.

He deepened their kisses, tongue sliding in Andy's mouth. Look at them, on the kitchen floor,

necking like teenagers. Andy moaned for him, tongue licking into his lips. Oh, yeah, he'd stay right

here on the floor as long as he had Andy with him.

He pushed closer, all but climbing into Andy's lap.

"I..." Andy tugged him closer, those amazing eyes staring at him.

He did climb into Andy's lap then, pressing as close as he could, staring right back.

"You have lines around yours eyes now." He almost got all snarly before Andy nodded. "It's hot."

He grinned and took another kiss. "What else is hot?" he asked.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 25

"Fire. Ovens. The way you're all confident now."

"Yeah? You like that?" He grinned wider, beaming.

"Yeah. Yeah, you still look like you. I don't. I know."

He rubbed his fingers through the full beard. "Your eyes are the same. And the way your hands feel

on me."

"You didn't recognize me." The hands in question kept moving.

"I thought you were dead. I was attracted to you, though. Some part of me knew."

"You were." Andy looked down, shook his head. "I thought that... damn. Was it only fucking last

night?"

"It was. Less than twenty-four hours ago I still believed you were dead and now I'm in your arms."

It was like a miracle. He pressed their mouths together again, moaning into the kiss as he sank

against Andy's body.

He wanted to learn everything; he wanted those ten years back. He pushed open Andy's robe,

fingers sliding over warm skin. He wasn't going to waste another moment. *** Andy had a million questions. Where did Steven live? Did he have a lover? What did he drive? What did the man do on the weekends? Favorite movie? Favorite color? Favorite song?

What did they need to do next? What was he supposed to do? Would they split up tonight?

His head was going to explode.

Steven came out of the kitchen with a glass of water and a smile. "Are you hungry, Andy? Can I

take you out to dinner? Or have my favorite restaurant deliver in?" Penny's eyebrows waggled.

"I don't even know what you like to eat..."

"Do you really think I've changed that much in ten years?"

Three other chairs and a couch in his front room and Steven chose to sit on the arm of the chair he

was in.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 26

"I have. I've changed a lot. I never eat pizza anymore."

"You're putting me on!"

"No." He had heartburn.

Steven slipped from the arm of the chair into his lap. "Wow. You loved pizza."

"I did. Do. Whatever. It's been eight, nine years, easy."

"Eight years... I've missed ten years of your life, Andy." Steven shook himself. "So how come you

haven't eaten pizza in eight years?"

"Heartburn, I guess. For a while I couldn't walk easily, so answering the door sucked." It had just

sort of happened.

"Oh, man, that's too bad." Steven sighed softly. "Tell me what all was wrong from the accident?"

"Lots of lacerations. Torn spleen, punctured lung, six broken ribs, five broken vertebrae, one thigh,

one shin, both shoulders, my left wrist. My jaw."

"My God, Andy. It's amazing that you survived." Steven hugged him tight.

"It is." It made him fucking proud. "I didn't think I would. I didn't think I could."

"You did, though. Because you're strong. You always were the strongest man I knew."

"Yeah. I didn't have a choice. I couldn't figure out how to die." He winked, shrugged.

"I'm glad." Steven's voice was low, fierce. "Because you being dead sucked."

"I bet it did." He nodded. "I'm sorry, Penny. You know that I wouldn't have... if I'd have known..."

"I know. Just like if I'd known... Hell, Andy, we were both played."

"Yeah." He didn't know what else to say.

"You know there's an event next week here in town. Everyone's going to be there; my parents are

flying in. I would love to walk in with you on my arm. Tell them all fuck you and then go and live

an amazing life with the man I never stopped loving."

"You... you can't still love me, can you?"

"I never stopped, Andy." It was so simply said, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 27

"I... I can't say that, Penny. I hated you. You have to get that. I spent years hating you. I don't now, but I don't know if I can say I love you. I don't know if I don't love you. I don't know what to think." Those eyes met his, the same as he remembered. "Do you still hate me, Andy?" "No. No, I don't. I feel bad for you, hurting so long." Their gaze held. "I hate your folks. I'm sorry,

but I do."

"I don't think I will ever be able to forgive them for what they've done."

He nodded, leaned his head back and closed his eyes. His Penny's hands landed on his shoulders,

massaging and sliding over him.

"Can you... do you think... think that you can love me again? We're obviously still compatible in

bed."

"I'm not sure what love is, anymore." His hands wrapped around Penny's hips. "Your hands feel

like heaven."

"That's what love is." Steven laughed and pushed a kiss on him, fingers working his muscles hard.

"Where do you live?" He started shivering, caught in the pleasure of Steven's touch.

"Downtown. On top of the foundation offices in a loft."

"Oh. Do you like it?"

Penny shrugged. "It's a place to live. It hasn't got much personality. Not like this place. Someone

lives here."

"I love it here. It's my sanctuary."

"I can tell. The place is... well, it's you, isn't it?" Penny chuckled and leaned against his shoulder. "I

don't want to leave, Andy."

"You have to work sometime, huh?" Hell, maybe Steven didn't. He didn't know. Andy reached up,

stroking Steven's hair.

"All I need is my laptop, really." Penny nuzzled into his touch, eyes on him.

"Okay. I got internet." He even knew how to use it.

Penny beamed at him. "Perfect."

A Torquere Press Arcana - 28

Wiggling on him, Penny pushed in close, taking a kiss, and then another one and another. It made

his head swim, made him stupid and stunned. Lost.

"Want you, Andy. I want to feel you inside me. Please. It's been so long."

"I... I don't have any rubbers, Penny."

"You clean?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I... I mean, I've dated some, but... I'm not into long-term. I haven't gone bareback

since you." Hadn't let anybody fuck him, either, but he wasn't telling Steven that. Not yet.

"Then we good to go; I'm clean, too. Take me to bed."

"I could be lying." Steven could be lying.

Penny shook his head. "You wouldn't." So sure.

"No. I wouldn't." It wasn't who he was. But Steven couldn't know that.

"Then come on, love." Penny stood, holding a hand out to him.

"Just like that? Just..." He took Steven's hand, grinning suddenly. He'd said that to Penny the first

time, in a pizzeria outside of campus, feeling so young, so green.

"I've been waiting for this for ten years, Andy. So yeah. Just like that."

"Okay." And it was, somehow.

Penny led him up his own stairs and to his own bedroom, tugging him along.

"You're eager." He couldn't take his eyes off Steven's ass, the way it moved in his old workout

shorts.

Steven looked back at him, eyes twinkling. "You did hear the part where I mentioned I'd been

waiting ten years to feel you inside me again, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I heard." He shook his head, unable to be evil in the face of that happiness.

Steven beamed at him and kept tugging him until they were next to the bed. "You do have lube,

right? I mean you haven't been entirely celibate..." Steven made a jacking off gesture with his free

hand.

"I haven't. No. I have buddies. You know. Hand jobs. Blow jobs. Just getting off."

A Torquere Press Arcana - 29

Steven nodded. "Good. Then you have lube." Laughing softly, Steven pressed close, fingers

working to tug off his old T-shirt.

"What about you? Do you have somebody?"

His Penny shook his head. "I tried. I did. Nothing ever worked out."

"Yeah. Well, forever's a long time, huh?" He dragged Steven in close, humming softly.

"It was working for us." Steven spoke the last word against his lips, breath warming his skin.

"It was. Sometimes I think..." He groaned, pressed his lips to Steven's, tongue flicking along the

soft skin.

"What do you think?" Steven asked as his T-shirt was pulled up over his head.

"I think it was too good, you and me. Together. The world couldn't let us be happy."

"Well, it has ten years to make up for now, so I think we're good." Steven's fingers pushed his

sweats down, hands sliding on his ass.

"Yeah. Yeah, I hope so." He pushed back into the touch.

Soft kisses were spread over his neck, Penny's hands massaging his butt cheeks. The man pressed

against him, cloth scraping against his skin.

"You too, Steven. Skin."

"Yeah. I love your hands." His Penny always had.

Steven shimmied out of his borrowed clothes, and stood in front of him naked and proud, cock

curved up toward his well-toned belly.

"You look so good." Andy reached out, fascinated by the lines of Steven's chest.

"Oh..." Steven rippled and pushed into his touches. "I work out. They aren't working muscles like

yours." Steven's hands slid up his chest and over his shoulders.

"They aren't all tore up, either." He knew he looked like he'd been through hell.

"Battle scars, love. They mean you survived."

"Yeah. Yeah, I hope so." Love. Damn.

Leaning in, Penny started to kiss them, one after another, tongue tracing them, hot on his skin.

A Torquere Press Arcana - 30

"Steven." He stumbled toward the bed, cock filling right up.

Steven moved with him, pushing him down onto the mattress and climbing up after him.

"You're going to ride me." It wasn't a question. Steven loved being on top.

"Yes. All night long." Steven winked and went back to kissing and licking his skin. Scars and

unmarked skin alike were explored by Penny's mouth and fingers.

"That's a long time, man. A long, damn time." He could handle that.

"Not long enough." Steven tugged at the little hairs between his navel and cock.

He laughed, arched up under Steven's touch.

"I've missed that sound so much." Steven nuzzled his balls.

"Yeah. Yeah, me too. Penny..."

"Mmm..." His cock was given a quick lick, Steven moving back down to nuzzle behind his balls.

Andy spread wide, toes curling up. "Damn."

"God, you smell good." Then Penny took one ball into his mouth.

The whole world went a little still, stiff. Nothing but Steven. Steven's tongue rolled his ball and

then it was let go, the other one offered the same treatment.

"Damn. Damn." He couldn't think, started repeating the same thing, over and over.

His ball was released, Steven moving up along his cock, wetting it thoroughly. "I need that lube,

Andy. Is it in your side table?"

"Huh? Uh. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah, I think." Thinking was hard, damn it.

Steven’s warmth disappeared as he went to the side table and opened the little drawer. "Here we

go!" Laughing, Steven returned to the bed, bouncing on it.

"I hate to bring this up, Penny, but you're supposed to be bouncing on me."

Penny's laughter rained down on him. "Yeah, yeah. You have to make me slick first." Penny took

his hand and squirted lube on his fingers. Then that man went to all fours, looking back at him.

"Come on."

The man expected him to think? Andy stumbled forward, reaching for that lean, tight ass. He traced

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the little ring of muscles, fingertips drawing a lazy circle. A shiver went through Penny, a ripple

that he could see move along Steven's spine.

"I..." Andy closed his eyes, touching again.

Steven whimpered, ass pushing back into his touch. "Please, Andy. Love. Inside me."

"Yeah. Yeah, Steven." He pressed two fingers inside, the heat surrounding his fingers. So tight.

Like Penny hadn't done this in years. And hot, Steven squeezed around his fingers, body pushing

back eagerly.

Andy leaned down, lips brushing the small of Steven's back.

His Penny made a soft noise. "More. Oh, please, Andy."

"You feel so good. Taste good."

"Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Taste, love. Anything you want."

His tongue slipped back, sliding over the stretched hole, his fingers moving.

"Andy! Oh, God!" Penny shivered, pushing back against his tongue.

Oh, man. So good. So hot. He hadn't... Not in so long.

Steven was panting, whole body tight and wanting. Soft noises filled the air, that little hole all his.

"I want. Now, huh? Please?"

Steven nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, lie down, love. Let me ride you."

"Uh-huh." He crawled up, licking all along Steven's spine. Steven arched and writhed beneath each touch, so responsive. So sexy. The bedsprings creaked as he slumped on the bed, cock slapping his belly. Steven climbed on top of him, straddling his thighs. Slick fingers wrapped around his prick, getting him slippery. "Come on. Come on, Penny. On my cock." "Someone's eager," Steven murmured, eyes twinkling. "You were. I am. Come on." Tease. Steven chuckled, but didn't tease any longer. Instead, he grabbed hold of Andy's cock and pressed it against his hole, slowly pushing down.

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Andy went still and stiff, staring. "Steven."

Stilling, Steven swallowed and licked sweat from his upper lip. "Slow and steady, yeah?"

"Uh-huh. You feel so good."

"You, too, love. God, I missed this."

Finally Steven was all the way down, ass sitting on his hips. Instead of going up and down, Steven

ground down in little circles. Andy's eyes crossed, throat working as he fought to catch his breath.

Penny reached back, hands resting on his thighs, crying out as it sent him deeper.

"You good?" He reached out, wrapped his hand around Steven's cock.

"Andy! Shit. Yes." Steven nodded, shifted a tiny bit and shuddered. "Oh, yeah. I'm good."

Then Steven finally started to move slowly up and down, his cock held, squeezed, caressed. He

watched every move, every shift of Steven's body.

"Love. Oh." Steven moaned, moving faster.

"Yeah. Yeah, Penny. I missed you." He couldn't breathe.

Steven's eyes met his, shining. "Love you, Andy."

"Steven." He reached up, cupped that pointed jaw.

Steven turned to kiss his palm. "Soon." The word whispered against his skin, Steven moving faster,

bouncing on his cock.

"Uh. Uh-huh. Please." He pulled harder, faster, needing to make Steven come.

"Love! Oh!" His Penny cried out, body going unbelievably tight around him as Steven came.

Gritting his teeth, he bucked up, slamming into Steven's body. Steven milked his cock, working

with him through several more thrusts, body squeezing and releasing. His whole fucking world

went fuzzy as he shot, shaking and moaning out Steven's name.

Steven collapsed down onto him, his cock still buried deep as panting breaths swept across his

chest.

"I got you. I got you, baby." Fuck. Fuck, this was. Damn.

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"Yeah. Yeah, you do." He could feel Penny's smile against his chest.

"What're you grinning about, man?"

"Me? I just got my brains fucked out." Steven chuckled, body squeezing tight around his softening

prick.

"Does that mean you're a zombie now?"

Steven laughed hard enough that Andy's prick slid out. "Oh, God. You're a nut."

"Yeah." Some things didn't change.

"I haven't been this happy in a very long time." The words were softly spoken, Steven glancing up

at him.

"That might change. You might get cut off. You might hate me."

"Andy? Shut up."

He chuckled, grinning from ear to ear. "Fuckhead."

"Uh-huh. A happy fuckhead who's gonna lie here and enjoy the motherfucking afterglow."

"Yes, sir." He kissed Steven's cheek, nodded. "Enjoy away."

Steven petted his chest. "You're supposed to enjoy, too, eh?"

"Yeah." He lifted Steven's face, took a kiss. "Yeah, Penny. I'm with you."

He got a beaming smile and another soft kiss. "Good."

"Yeah." Yeah, for now, he thought it was. *** They spent the entire weekend together, mostly in bed. Steven hadn't been this happy in a long,

long time. Now it was Sunday night and dark and he was trying to think of an excuse to stay, of a

way to convince Andy to take tomorrow off so they could keep playing.

So they could live in their little bubble for a little longer.

They were back in bed and he had his eyes closed, hoping Andy would think he was asleep and let

him stay. He didn't go as far as to snore, but it was a near thing.

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"You never could pretend to sleep, you know."

Damn. "I remember."

"What's on your mind, man?"

He put his head in his hands, and looked over at Andy. "I'm not ready to go, Andy."

"We can't hide in here. I have to work. You have to work."

"Why not?" He asked, pouting. "I bet you could take the day off. I know I could."

"I... And then what tomorrow? Or the next day? This isn't going to go away."

"You're using logic." He didn't want to be logical; he wanted to be with Andy.

"Yeah. I'm good that way." Andy pulled him close.

He snuggled in, burying his face in Andy's neck, breathing his lover in. "Can we have supper

together tomorrow?"

"Yes. What time?" That was easy.

"Five o’clock?" He could drag Andy back to his place afterward and have his wicked way with the

man.

"Six. I have to meet with new clients at three-thirty."

"Okay. You'll come to my place?" Forget going out, he could have something catered in.

"If you want me to, yes."

Of course, he wanted. "I want you to." He pressed close. "I want."

"Well, then, I'll come." Andy nodded, kissed his forehead. "Do you think you'll get a lot of shit for

it? For me?"

Anger flooded through him. "I think I'm going to give them a whole truckload of shit for you." He

was going to lose it all over his folks.

"I'd like to see that."

Steven’s eyes flew open and he stared. He'd never heard Andy come out against his parents. "Then

come with me to that party on Friday. We'll give it to them." Steven couldn't wait to see their faces

when he walked in with Andy.

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"Me? At a fancy-assed party? I'd embarrass you."

Steven shook his head. "No. No, I'd be proud to have you on my arm, Andy. I always was."

Andy looked at him, eyes warm, shining with tears. "Yeah? For real?"

"God, yes. Yes. Always." He slid his hand along Andy's cheek, the beard tickling his thumb.

"Okay. I don't have a suit."

Steven could feel the scars, thick and rough, under his fingers.

"I'd be happy to buy you a suit, but if you want to wear your good jeans and shirt? That'd be fine."

He was never going to ask Andy to be something he wasn't, never again.

"I'd be happy to wear my jeans."

"That's cool. I seem to remember you look pretty good in those jeans. Especially around the ass."

"You're going to be okay? When your mom melts down?"

"She ruined my life. She ruined your life. I'm going to be fine." His back stiffened. He wasn’t going

to let them ruin another day. Not one.

"Okay." Andy nodded, held his eyes. "It's important, you know? I had to ask."

"I know. I'm gong to stand by you, Andy. I would have ten years ago, but that choice was taken

away from me. It won't happen again."

"You think we have a chance, Penny? There's lots of water under our bridges."

"I want this to work more than I want anything, Andy. More than anything."

"Yeah, well... We've got a lot of things to relearn about each other."

"I realize you have doubts because for a long time you've believed I cut and ran. But I will stick

around and make this work. I will be here until we're both really old and grumpy."

"I'm already grumpy." Andy winked for him. "Really."

God, Andy still could make him laugh like nobody's business. "I'll take my chances."

"Yeah? We'll see how supper is, tomorrow. Whether I like your bed."

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"I'll make you like it, love." It was big and comfortable and he was going to be in it with Andy.

What more could the man ask for?

"Somehow, Penny, I think I believe you."

He beamed at Andy. "Good."

Then he pounced the man. Just because they had to go to work tomorrow didn't mean he had to

leave early tonight.

Hell, soon, if everything worked out, he'd never have to leave again. *** Andy was late. Late and nervous. He'd spent the day working hard, convincing himself that the weekend had been a fluke, a mistake, a dream. The best fucking fantasy ever. Andy'd almost convinced himself not to come, to simply walk away. Of course, he was standing in front of a big high rise, the security guard taking his name and calling up to Steven. The guard sent him in. "It's the 'P' button, sir." "Thanks." Lord. The P button. P for pretentious. P for prissy. P for Penny. Andy chuckled at himself and headed up. Lord. When he got to the top floor, the elevator doors opened to reveal an open area with a glass ceiling and filled with plants. Steven's door was across from the elevator.

"Good lord." Mr. Fancy Pants. He headed across, rapped on the door.

It opened almost immediately, Steven dressed simply in a pair of jeans and a soft silk shirt the color

of pearls. "Andy! I was worried you'd changed your mind."

"Nope. I had a meeting that ran a little long." Hell, he didn't have Steven's phone number.

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"Yeah? Everything all right?" Steven drew him in and closed the door. His lips were covered by

Penny's before he had a chance to answer.

His hands landed on Steven's ass, like that was where they belonged. Steven pushed up against him

with enough force that his back landed against the wall with a thump.

"Mmm. Hey." He went up on tiptoe, meeting Steven halfway.

The kiss went deep, Steven's tongue sweeping through his mouth. Oh, damn. This wasn't a dream.

Not a dream at all.

"Missed you all day long," murmured Steven, hands sliding over his body in long sweeps.

"Mmm. I kept thinking. I have to stop that." Touching was much more useful.

Steven's laughter rained down around him, the long body pressing him into the wall. "I don't mind

if you're thinking about me."

"I was." To the detriment of everything else. Damn it.

Of course with Steven beaming at him like that, it was hard to be upset about it. Steven's hips

ground against his, pressing him back against the wall.

"Damn. Damn, I... We're staying in for supper?"

"Uh-huh." Steven's fingers tugged on his shirt, pulling it open, sending at least one of the buttons

flying.

"Fuck, yeah." He started toeing off his work boots, fingers moving to open Steven's pants.

Steven's lips wrapped around his right nipple, sucking hard, the clever fingers working on his belt,

his button and zipper. It was a weird mixture of familiar and clumsy-new, loving on Steven. He got Steven's pants undone, the long cock springing out eagerly into his hand. Moaning, Steven bucked against him, teeth closing around his nipple. "Fuck, yeah." He pushed up, trying to ease the pressure, get more, he didn't know.

Steven's fingers pushed into his jeans, pressing against his slit before wrapping around his prick.

"Want." More than anything. He wanted Steven in him, around him, all over him.

"Whatever you want, love." Steven's hand tightened around him, moving slowly.

"You." That was clear, right?

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"You have me." Holding his gaze, Steven slowly sank down to his knees.

"Thank God." He hadn't, only last week.

"You'll be thanking me in a minute." Steven winked and then pulled the head of his cock right into

that hot mouth.

Andy wanted to scream out -- call Steven's name and beg and plead, but his mouth dried out and his

knees tried to buckle. Steven's arms wrapped around his hips like his Penny knew he needed to be

steadied, and that mouth took him in right to the root. He watched as his shaft appeared and

disappeared in those warm lips, the skin wet and shiny. Vibrations slid along his skin as Steven

moaned.

"More. More, Steven... So good." He swallowed hard, moaning low.

Steven nodded, head bobbing, taking him deep and swallowing around the tip. His balls drew up

tight, toes curling as he thrust and rocked and pushed. The hands on his ass squeezed and caressed

him.

"Soon. Soon, Penny."

Penny's fingers wrapped around his hips, tugging him deeper into Steven's throat, encouraging him.

His cock throbbed, bumping against Steven's tongue, balls going tight as he jerked and shot. Steven

swallowed him down, the motion of Penny's throat massaging the tip of his cock, pulling out

aftershocks.

"Damn." Andy stood there, blinking.

Steven nuzzled against his hip and then looked up at him. "Good?" Steven asked, a slow smile

gracing his face.

"Uh-huh." Good. Very good.

Steven slid back up his body, prick standing up out of Steven's open pants, hard and red-tipped.

"Look at you." Andy traced the slit of that pretty cock, pushing in a bit. The moan he got made his

toes curl.

Steven's hands wrapped around his shoulders, fingers digging into his muscles. "Please, love."

"Please what? What do you want?"

"Touch me, Andy. I ache for you."

That was easy. So easy to do. He reached out, hand wrapping around Steven's cock and working it,

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stroking good and hard. Leaning against him, Penny moaned and huffed, breathing hard, hips working with his hand. "Need you." He was fucking entranced. "Got me. Fuck, Andy, you so have me." "Good." He leaned up, whispered. "I haven't let anyone fuck me, not since you." "Andy!" Steven's hips snapped, come pouring out over his hand. He gentled his touch, stroking slow and easy. "Yeah. Yeah, Steven." Pressing close, Steven stole a light, easy kiss from him.

"What's for dinner, man? You cooking for me?" He did love how Steven felt against him.

"Nah, I didn't want to waste my time with you on cooking. The take out boxes are in the kitchen.

Whenever we're ready."

"Do you cook?"

Penny's laughter sounded again. "I can grill a steak. Not as good as yours..."

"Show me your house. Mine had to seem so simple, compared."

Steven tucked them both away, careful with the zippers, all the while shaking his head. "Yours seemed like a home. This is..." Steven shrugged. "I do love the view." Steven led him over to ceiling-to-floor windows that made up one wall of the main room of the loft, the whole city laid out in front of him. "Oh, that's fucking cool." He looked out to the west, looking for his neighborhood. Steven's arms wrapped around his waist, head on his shoulder. "Wait until the sun goes down." "Yeah?" He leaned back, humming a little. Damn, Steven was warm. "Mmm... yeah. You can see the view from the bedroom, too. If you wanted to check out the bed." "I can handle that." He'd been hoping to see the bed. "Oh, good. We can even grab supper and bring it with us if you want. Have a picnic in bed." Steven

grabbed his hand and drew him along.

"I missed you." The words pushed out of him before he could stop them.

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Steven stopped and turned to look at him, eyes warm. "I missed you, too. So very much."

"I want this to work."

God, that smile was something else. "Me, too, love. You know that."

"I know." Okay, hopefully the tough, talking part was over. "Show me your bed."

"Oh, that'll be my pleasure." Steven took his hand again, pulling him into a large room with the

same floor to ceiling windows.

"Oh, Penny. Look at that..." He sat on the edge of the bed, eyes wide, staring.

"I'd rather look at you." Steven pushed his shirt off his shoulders.

"Yeah, yeah. I got the scars."

"They mean you survived. That makes them beautiful to me."

"You nut." They weren't beautiful. Not at all.

Steven grinned and started working his jeans off. "No, just in love."

"Yeah? You think so?" He lifted his hips, helped.

"I do." Steven petted his prick once he was naked, fingers soft and gentle. "Pretty."

"'m not." His body didn't argue, though. Not at all.

"You're not supposed to disagree when your lover tells you you've got a pretty cock, Andy."

"Oh. You're sure?" He cock jerked, bobbed in Steven's hand.

"I'm sure, love." Steven pressed a kiss to his inner thigh, and another to his hip, his belly. He was

pushed back onto the bed, the sweet kisses continuing randomly.

Andy let himself relax, let himself feel and melt back into the mattress. "Don't stop, huh?"

"I won't." Steven smiled down at him, tongue coming out to trace his lips. "I'm not going to stop."

"Promise?"

His Penny's eyes got deadly serious. "I do."

"Me, too." He wasn't sure exactly what he was promising, but he knew he meant it.

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"That's all I need." Steven's lips closed over his, and it was like they were sealing the deal, making

it real.

"Mmm." The kiss went deep almost immediately.

Steven came down on top of him, silk shirt cool and slick against his skin, jeans rough.

His fingers slid on the shirt, his callused fingers catching and dragging a little. "Gonna fuck up your

shirt, Penny."

"So fuck it up. Rip it off. I don't care about the shirt."

"It looks good on you."

Chuckling, Steven sat up, straddling him as he worked off the shirt. Of course, Steven looked better

without it. Andy reached out, tracing patterns on Steven's flat belly. Steven groaned, the muscles

beneath his fingertips flexing, fluttering.

"Sensualist." Still. Even now.

"You always bring it out in me." Steven undulated, jeans dragging over his thighs and cock.

"Are you... do you want to... Shit."

"Andy. It's me. Just tell me what you want?"

"I want to feel you. In me, yeah?"

"Fuck, yes. I'm so here. So very here for that." Leaning down, Steven kissed him, tongue pushing

into his mouth.

He held on, not trying to fight it, not forcing himself to ease up.

"Jeans. Off." The words pushed into his mouth, Steven grabbing one of his hands and pushing it

down to the man's jeans.

"Uh-huh. Off." It was way easier to agree than to actually move. Still, together they got those jeans

off, Steven hard and sexy.

His fingers wrapped around Steven's cock, fingertips stroking. Groaning, Steven rocked into his

touches. Andy could watch that for years. Years. Steven's cock pushed in and out of his fingers, in

and out of his fist.

Looked like Steven could do it for years, too. But then Steven stopped, hands landing on his chest,

the man panting. "Stop. Stop or I'll come."

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Easing back, he gentled his touch, leaning up to kiss Steven's shoulder.

"Mmm... love your touch, Andy. Those big, old hands do it for me." Steven leaned over to grab a

little tube from the bedside table.

"Still?" He got his hands around Steven's ass, squeezing a little.

"Still. Mmm... do that again." Steven groaned as Andy squeezed again. "Yeah, like that."

"Mmm." He pressed and rubbed, admiring the way Steven's muscles shifted, moved.

Eventually Steven managed to get his fingers all slicked up and pressing against his hole.

Andy went stiff for a second, heart pounding. "It's been a long time."

Steven's fingers slid across his hole over and over. "We don't have to do anything you don't want,

love."

"I want. I'm just. This means something to me. You know?" It always had.

"I know. I remember. And it means everything to me." Those fingers kept touching, slip-sliding on

his skin.

Just to hear that -- to know that Steven remembered that, that Steven knew -- made him feel easier

in his skin.

"There hasn't been anyone I've done this with since you, Andy." Steven's touches were almost

hypnotizing, sliding along his crack, rubbing at his hole, sliding again. "This weekend with you,

that was the first time anyone had been inside me in ten years."

"You hadn't been fucked?" Not that he'd fucked Steven before. That had been making love.

Steven shook his head.

"I wouldn't have asked you not to, Penny. You know that, right?"

"I know, love. There never was anyone I... trusted enough. Loved enough."

He nodded. He got that. He did.

"Not until you came back from the dead." Steven winked at him and pushed the tip of one finger

into him.

"I wasn't dead." He gasped, eyelids getting heavy. "Not even close." Of course, that wasn't exactly true.

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"Thank God for that." Steven's finger pushed a little deeper and wriggled.

"Penny." His legs drew up, the world stopping, just for a second. "More. Again."

"Anything you want, love." That finger pushed deep, slid in and out and soon was joined by a

second.

"I want. Want you." His gland got pegged, over and over, pleasure slamming into him.

"Got me. Oh, fuck, have you got me."

A third finger pushed in, Steven stretching him, nailing his gland some more. His cock leaked,

dripping on his belly, so fucking hot. He was going to blow like a fucking volcano. Steven's skin was shining with sweat by the time he pulled his fingers out, cock pushing against Andy's hole seconds later. "Steven. Steven. Tell me you love me. I need." He needed to believe it. "I love you, Andy. Forever. Like I promised you all those years ago." After the words, Steven

pushed into him, cock head slowly spreading him wide.

"Forever." Fuck him. Yes.

His Penny kept on pushing, cock sliding deeper and deeper until Steven's hips were pressed hard

against his ass.

"Full." He stretched, trying to figure out where to move, what he needed.

Fingers slid over his hips, across his belly, Steven murmuring softly, easing him.

"I... Yours. All yours."

"Yes. And nothing will keep me from you this time." Steven began to move, rocking slowly,

bringing them together with long, smooth motions.

His eyes rolled back in his head, the pleasure too much, so big. Each thrust built on the last, the

pleasure moving all through him. Then Steven found his gland and began targeting it, bumping into

it with each thrust. Sounds started pouring out of him, years and years of emotion welling up and

escaping him.

"Andy. Love." One hand holding onto his hip, Steven slid the other on his cheek, the caress warm

and gentle.

"Steven..." He hid his face, groaning as tears escaped him. Jesus. He was just... Damn.

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Steven pushed his legs back, bending to take his lips in a hard, deep kiss. He was filled over and over, Steven pounding into him, making him feel it all. Pleasure took over -- beating out fear and passion and loss. Beating out everything. His prick was caught between their bodies, rubbing against Steven's belly as tongue and prick invaded him, pushed into him over and over. His hands wrapped around Steven's head, pulling them closer together, the kiss hard enough to steal his breath. Steven growled into his mouth, filling him with sound and breath and pleasure. Andy's balls drew up tight, belly clenching as the need to shoot became impossible to ignore. Groaning, Steven nodded, humping harder. "Come on, love. On my cock."

"On. Steven. Yes..." His teeth clicked together, spunk shooting out of him in waves.

Steven's prick kept punching into him, each hit against his prostate making the pleasure continue,

expand. He was going to die a very fucking happy man. Steven shouted as he came, hips jerking,

prick filling him up deep inside before Steven collapsed down onto him, panting hard.

"Love you." He whispered the words, as softly as he could.

His Penny moaned, prick jerking inside his body. "Oh, love. Yes. Love you."

"Okay. I swear, Penny. No lawyers. No hospitals. Just this."

"Sounds good to me. Sounds really good." Steven nuzzled his neck and chuckled. "I'm not sure

about this." Long fingers slid through his beard.

"I'm like Frankenstein under there." He needed it.

"Would my saying I didn't care make any difference?" Steven's fingers slid over the scars on his

chest.

"You might care. You might be disgusted. I can't handle that right now."

Steven shook his head, fingers pushing through his beard to rub on his face. "I won't be disgusted,

but I won't ask you to take off the armor right now. Not with us going to that party on Friday and

facing my folks."

"I promise not to rip anyone's arms off."

"Oh. I'll have to tear up the list of folks I wanted you to do that to then."

"Perfect." Of course, that lawyer... his arms might have to go...

"Are you hungry?" Steven asked, cuddled in nice and close.

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"Uh-huh. Later. This is good now." "It is." Steven sounded just right. He nodded, dozing off, held in Steven's eyes. *** Steven decided it would be best to take a limo to the fundraising event. That way he could drink and he could have a big scary showdown with his folks and he wouldn't have to drive home after. He kept slipping between nervous and anxious about the upcoming confrontation. He wanted to do this, but he knew it was going to be a huge hoopla. It was a big enough issue that he hadn't stopped by the apartment his parents kept for the winter, that he wasn't answering emails. The limo pulled up in front of Andy's place and the second he saw the man coming out, he relaxed. Oh, he could do this. For Andy he could do this. He wanted to do this. He wanted to stand in front of his parents and everyone and show them the man he loved, the man he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Everyone would see his Andy. Well, everyone except his lawyer, who'd he'd summarily fired on Monday morning. The driver got out and held the door open for his lover. Andy slipped in, dove-grey boots shined, jeans starched and ironed. The black jacket and bolo tie made him puff up with pride. "Oh, look at you." He slid his hand over the stiff jeans, admiring the hell out of his man. "This works?" Andy looked a little panicked, a little worried. "It does. You look good enough to eat." He gave Andy a wicked grin. "Maybe I'll do just that afterward." "Maybe? Hell, we'll either be so mad we have to fuck madly or we'll be so mad we go to bed separately." "Well, I imagine I might be mad, but it won't be at you." He had a few choice words for his parents. "I'm really glad you're coming with me, Andy. I want them to see us together. To know." "Did you get your shit together, money-wise?" Andy turned, stared into his eyes. "I mean, I'd take you, Penny, without a dime. That hasn't changed, but... Hell, man. I'd hate for you to lose everything, if you didn't have to." "I've spoken to my new lawyer and all my ducks are in a row. After you died... After I was told you died, I took over the foundation. My job there is set -- they can't take it away from me. I don't care

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about anything else. I hope they cut me out of the will for this. I don't want their money." He didn't want anything from them ever again. Ever. What he did want was an apology to Andy. He had a hunch it would be a cold day in hell before one was offered over, though. "Okay." Andy took his hand, squeezed it. "I told you, way back when, we don't need their money. We just need to keep our shit together." "Yeah." He held on tight to Andy's hand, taking strength from his lover. "All I need is to be your Penny." "Well, there you go." Andy'd fought and snarled and then, like Steven had known the stubborn man would, Andy gave in, came home to him, let him in. They pulled up at the banquet hall and Steven climbed out, taking Andy's hand again so they could walk in together. He had nothing to hide and was so very proud of the man he was with tonight. The camera flashes kept going off, the press everywhere and Steven pushed through, knowing tomorrow everyone would know, would see his Andy. He'd have to make sure they spelled his lover's name right. He gave Andy a smile, letting it all show in his eyes and not caring a whit who saw. "You ready for this, Steven?" They swept into the lobby, people bustling all about. He took a deep breath and nodded. "I am. How about you?" If this was going to be too much for Andy, he'd turn away. "Let's do what we have to, man. Then we can go enjoy our evening." That was his Andy. "Sounds like a plan. I have a hankering for pizza and a side of Andy." He gave his lover a wink and then turned on his "public face", smiling and nodding at people he knew. He had one eye open for his parents. Mother saw them first, but she didn't even blink. Neither did Father. He growled under his breath as he realized that they didn't recognize Andy, probably wouldn't know who the man was when he introduced them. Andy meant nothing to them. Not a thing. He headed right for them. He'd make sure they knew who Andy was and then, like Andy had suggested, they could go and enjoy their evening. He liked working for the foundation, but these gala events always made him a little crazy. "Mother." He nodded to her, to his father, looking for some sign of recognition of Andy in their eyes. "Good evening, son. So nice to see you."

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Nothing. Nothing at all. His whole life had come crashing down around him and it had turned out to be a lie perpetrated by his own parents and they didn't even remember Andy. He was nearly shaking he was so angry. "I'm sure you remember my lover, Andy Johnson." "Who? No, son. I'm sorry. I don't believe we've met." Andy chuckled, eyes rolling a little. "It's been a long time, ma'am. About ten years, give or take. I can't blame you for not recognizing me. It's sorta like I came back from the dead." "Yeah, like seeing a ghost. Almost a miracle." Steven stared at her, glanced over at his father, waiting for the penny to drop for one of them. Penny. Oh, that was almost funny. Andy squeezed his fingers, watching. Smiling. Waiting. Mother's lips went tight, her nostrils flaring. There. That was better. That was more like the reaction Steven was looking for. "It seems the reports of his death were greatly exaggerated." "This is not the time or the place," she hissed, nails digging into his arm. He tugged his arm out of her grip. "On the contrary, Mother. If I have to attend these functions, I'd like to have the man I love at my side. Where he belongs." "Both of you control yourselves. The media is here." Father looked more confused, less angry. "I know they are. They took lots of pictures of me and Andy. I bet we make tomorrow's society page." "What? You and your gold digger? How long did it take him to lure you back in?" Mother looked furious, bitter. "Actually, I had to fight for him, Mother. Besides, Andy has a successful business. He's made something of himself. All by himself. No one ever handed him a foundation to run. Or a handful of cash to start his business. He did it all himself." He couldn't be prouder of Andy if he tried. "Steven. Take yourself and go. Please. You and I will talk. Later." Father was staring at Mother, looking shocked. "No, Mother, I don't think it's going to work that way. I'll leave, but if you have anything to say to me you'll say it through my lawyer. My new lawyer. Be happy Andy isn't a gold digger because the only reason I'm not suing you and that asshole who pretended to be working for me is because Andy talked me out of it." He turned and gave his father, who was looking more and more like he didn't have a clue what was going on, a short nod. "I will take your calls."

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"Come on, Steven. Let's go. There's pizza in our future." Andy almost looked sorry for them.

Almost.

"Goodbye." He gave his mother a jaunty little wave, squeezed Andy's hand and headed out.

Andy held on tight, not saying a word until they got outside into the wind. "You okay, man?"

He went to nod his head or something, but he realized he didn't know. "I..." He grabbed hold of

Andy's shoulders and leaned down for a kiss, making it good and hard and deep and not caring who

saw. Andy's hands landed on his waist, solid and strong, holding him tight.

The kiss went on until he was out of breath and he had to pull away, draw air into his lungs. "Yeah.

I'm okay now."

"Let's go get a beer." Andy waved down their limo. "Maybe a burger. After all, I'm all dressed up."

"You are, and looking amazing." He climbed into the limo after Andy, feeling surprisingly settled.

"The Brass Rail, my man, over in Oak Cliff." Yeah. Yeah, that worked. Beer, burgers, maybe a

dance or two.

A quiet night with his lover. It didn't get much better than that. *** "What are you doing in there, Penny?" Andy could hear the water running, hear the way Steven's

whistle bounced off the marble tile in their master bath. He did build a house with fine acoustics.

He headed across the bedroom, skirting the boxes that were still stacked around. They were so

damn close to being unpacked. So close. Steven was at the bathroom sink, the basin filled with hot

water, a razor and shaving cream sitting out. Oh, hell.

His Penny caught sight of him in the mirror and smiled, eyes warm. "Hey, love."

"Hey, Steven. What's up?" Like he didn't know.

"Shaving time..." Steven turned and looped his arms around Andy's neck, tugging him in for a kiss.

"It's time, love."

"I..." He moaned into the kiss. He'd promised -- once their places were sold, once the house was built, once they moved, once this, once that.

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The kiss ended slowly, Steven rubbing their noses together. "You don't have anything to be afraid

of." Steven's gaze held his, eyes so sure.

"I have a couple weeks without a house. I can grow it back." He didn't want Steven to think he was

ugly.

He was given another kiss and then Steven pointed toward the toilet, lid already down. "Sit, love."

"The deck looks good from up here..." He looked at the window a second, down at their acreage,

the dogs, their pool. It was like a dream, having this place together.

"It looks good from any angle. You're the best at what you do." Steven chuckled. "Now sit -- you're

not going to distract me today."

"You're a stubborn, bossy guy." Andy sat, searching Steven's eyes, finding nothing there but love.

His Penny had blossomed over the past year, looking happier every fucking day.

The laughter that sounded filled the room, his amazing acoustics sending it bouncing so that it

surrounded them. "Maybe. But I'm yours."

"Yeah. Yeah. You sure you want to do this?"

"I do." Steven picked up the scissors. "You and I both need to do this."

"You've always been too curious for your own good." He closed his eyes, lifted his chin.

"Curiosity may have killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back." Steven began to cut down his

beard to shaveable length.

"I keep you pretty damned satisfied." Steven was so careful, not tugging. "I don't even know if you

can shave around the scars, Penny."

"You do keep me satisfied." Steven gave a sweet little moan, a ripple going through him. "And I'll

be careful, love. I won't hurt you."

"I know." The touch of Steven's fingers over his stubble, over his scars, made him a little queasy,

knowing Steven could see.

Steven kissed his eyes, one and then the other, and then spread shaving gel over his cheeks, chin

and jaw. There was a quiet intensity to each movement, almost a reverence as Steven touched him. The scrape of the razor was so Goddamn loud that he almost jumped, a soft sound leaving him. Please, God. Please let me look okay. "Shh, shh." Steven murmured softly, the sounds soothing.

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"I just... I want you to not think I'm terrifying." Just saying it out loud made it easier. Steven loved him. Steven had touched all his scars, had adored them. Had been with him during a long week of ice storms when he could barely move, his arthritis was so bad. "Love, oh, love." Steven's voice cracked, eyes looking up from their task to meet his own. "You

could never be terrifying to me. Never."

"How does it look?"

"Let me finish you."

Steven spent another moment shaving and then wiped his face down with a warm cloth. Then came

the scrutiny, Steven holding his face, moving it this way and that as his Penny examined him. "The

scars give you character. And it doesn't look nearly as bad as you've been making out."

Steven's fingers began to move over the scars, one next to his lip kissed softly.

"Mmm." His cock filled so quickly that it actually ached.

Another kiss pressed against the scar along his jaw line. "You're beautiful, Andy. Truly."

He moaned, dragged Steven close, his lover hard and hot, wanting him. "I just need you to think it's

okay."

"Mmm..." Steven rubbing against him, cock pushing at Steven's sweats, hard against his breast

bone. "I think it's far more than okay."

"Kiss me." Everything went tight inside him as Steven took his lips, kissed him so hard the

bathroom with its natural marble and amazing skylight spun.

His Penny's fingers swept over his cheeks, tracing scars and rubbing the smooth unmarred patches.

Andy couldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop moaning into the kiss.

"Love you," Steven whispered before deepening the kiss. The long-fingered hands finally dropped

away from his face to work open his shirt.

"I know. I want. I..." His eyes rolled a little, nipples going rock-hard. "Penny. Need you."

"Anything, Andy. You've got me."

He worked Steven's fly open, hand wrapped around the heavy cock, rubbing up and down, nice and

easy.

Moaning, Steven rocked into his hand. "You make me feel like a king, Andy."

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"We're home. You and me. Our place."

His Penny's hands came up to cup his face again. "Ours. Oh, love that's such a good word."

"Yeah. Yeah, Steven." He started laughing, happy deep, deep down. "Thank God."

"And that, love, is a good sound."

"You know it, Penny." It sounded like home.

End

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Out of the Past Copyright © 2008 by Sean Michael All rights reserved. No part of this eBook may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information address Torquere Press, Inc., PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX 78680 Printed in the United States of America. ISBN: 978-1-60370-366-6, 1-60370-366-7 Torquere Press, Inc.: Single Shot electronic edition / May 2008 Torquere Press eBooks are published by Torquere Press, Inc., PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX 78680

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