The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing

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" [ J i m is] a g r e a t comic and a g r e a t student of c o m e d y . . . . [ H e ] c a m e up t h e hard way and is now sharing all he has learned w i t h you." —Colin Quinn, host of Comedy Central's Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn

Comedy Writing • Expert advice on developing your instincts and mining comic gold from everyday life • Professional exercises to help you practice your craft and get the laughs every time • Insider tips on writing jokes, cartoons, film scripts, sitcom treatments, and more

James Mendrinos

Dear Reader, I would imagine that shortly after man emerged from the primordial ooze, he slipped and fell. Others nearby witnessed his tush hitting the ground and burst into laughter. Noticing that laughter felt good, they then dedicated their miserable existence to creating comedy. As man evolved, so did the need for laughter. We found that we could make political points with comedy. We could educate through laughter. Most important, we could use laughter simply to make each other feel good. I've spent my life finding the nuances of comedy and studying its broad strokes. Putting those nuances and broad strokes on these pages has brought me back to the reason why I became a comedy writer—nothing is more satisfying than having people's faces light up with laughter because of something I said or did. This book demystifies the process of comedy writing. It is meant to inspire your own creative impulse and help you bring that impulse to life. It covers a wide spectrum of comedy writing so you and your sense of humor can explore many genres. I believe this book will help you reach your goal of writing better comedy— or help you get started. I hope the learning process is fun for you. Above all, I hope that after reading this book, you will write something that inspires people to laugh. Enjoy the road, and welcome to the comedy writers' fraternity!

James Mendrinos

Comedy Writing by James

Mendrinos

A

ALPHA A member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

To my wife, Leigh ann, who inspires and amazes me every day. I couldnh do it without you, nor would I want to. Copyright © 200*1 by James Mendrinos All rights reserved. No part of this book shall be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. No patent liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information contained herein. Although every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher and author assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of information contained herein. For information, address Alpha Books, 800 East 96th Street, Indianapolis, IN 46240. T H E COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE T O and Design are registered trademarks of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. International Standard Book Number: 1-59257-231-6 Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 2004103232 06

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Interpretation of the printing code: The rightmost number of the first series of numbers is the year of the book's printing; the rightmost number of the second series of numbers is the number of the book's printing. For example, a printing code of 04-1 shows that the first printing occurred in 2004. Printed in the United States ofAmerica Note: This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its author. It is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged in rendering professional services in the book. If the reader requires personal assistance or advice, a competent professional should be consulted. The author and publisher specifically disclaim any responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirecdy, of the use and application of any of the contents of this book. Most Alpha books are available at special quantity discounts for bulk purchases for sales promotions, premiums, fund-raising, or educational use. Special books, or book excerpts, can also be created to fit specific needs. For details, write: Special Markets, Alpha Books, 375 Hudson Street, New York, NY 10014. Publisher: Marie Butler-Knight Product Manager: Phil Kitchel Senior Managing Editor: Jennifer Chisholm Senior Acquisitions Editor: Renee Wilmeth Development Editor: Christy Wagner Senior Production Editor: Billy Fields Copy Editor: Nancy Wagner Illustrator: Chris Eliopoulos Cover/Book Designer: Trina Wurst Indexer: Heather McNeil Layout/Proofreading: John Etchison, Rebecca Harmon

Contents at a Glance Parti:

Finding the Funny

I

1 What's Funny? Learn how to spot a sidesplitting idea at 40 paces. 2 You Are Contrary can whip company

Part 2:

Funny to popular belief you have a sense of humor and it out anytime you want—unless you're in mixed ...

15

3 Looking for the Funny Find out where the laughs have been hiding for all this time.

25

4 Types of Comedy Now that you've started writing "it," what the heck is "it"?

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Basic Comedy Construction

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5 Building a Laugh A pinch of this, a dash of that makes a recipe for laughter.

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6 Comedy Writing Rules Yes, there are rules you have to follow.

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7 Know W h a t You're Talking About Here we have the premise in all its glory!

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8 Exploring Your Point of View Add you to your jokes.

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9 Let's Twist Again At last, we get to the funny part.

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10 Congratulations! It's Funny Put together all the pieces to create a funny

Part 3:

3

95 puzzle.

The Art of Comedy Writing

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11 Long-Form Comedy Move from FADE IN to "and they all lived happily ever after..."

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12 Comedy Is Life Give your jokes a shot of reality.

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13 It's All About the Words Grab your thesaurus and start flipping!

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14 Going All the Way Don h hold anything back—anything. Part k

The (raft of Comedy Writing

15 Learning to Let Go Give your jokes a face-lift—its nip-and-tuck time.

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R3

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16 Everything Old Is New Again 155 Like that curry you ate just before bed, ideas keep repeating. 17 Who's Going to Laugh at This? 163 If you don V know your audience, you probably don H have one. 18 Not All Jokes Work Everywhere Better now or now? Find the right comedy fit.

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19 Preparing to Be Professional Think you're ready to hit the comedy circuit? Not yet, my friend.

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20 If It's Funny, It's Money Get paid for your kind of comedy.

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Part 5:

Different Jokes for Different Folks

21 Comedy on the Page If it is supposed to read funny, heres how you write it.

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22 Sitcoms 229 Not ready for prime time? Heres the fast track to the networks. 23 Ensemble Comedy Sometimes you have to write a village to create comedy.

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24 Solo Comedy Professionals This is comedy for the lone performer.

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IS Add a Dash of Funny Comedy is a spice; add a dash to your writing.

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Appendixes

A Glossary

285

B Something to Do Every Day

291

C Where to Go for Help

307

D Annotated Taina Script

311

Index

319

Contents Parti:

Finding the Funny 1 What's Funny? The Many Faces of Comedy Comedy for the Page Articles of Comedy Humorous Fiction Cartoons and Captions Joke Book Jokes Comedy for Ensemble Performers Comedy on the Stage Sketch Comedy Comedy on the Big Screen Sitcoms Comedy Teams Comedy for One Stand-Up Comedy Topical Comedy for TV and Radio Humor for Speeches Common Threads in All Comedy 2 You Are Funny Why People Laugh Laughter Is an Emotional Response All Things Familiar I Wish I Would Have Said That! Extremes Shocked Into Laughing Just Plain Silly Growing a Funny Bone Write Down Everything If You Express It, They Will Laugh All Ideas Should Be Explored Keeping Track of It All Organizing Ideas Ordering Ideas

1 3 4 5 6 6 7 8 8 9 9 10 10 11 12 12 12 13 13 15 15 16 11 11 18 18 19 19 19 20 21 21 22 22

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The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing What Makes You Laugh? Learning to Express Your Funny Side Exercise: Jump-Start Your Creativity with Nouns

3 Looking for the Funny Inspiration vs. Perspiration Come Up with a Concept Train Your Writing Muscle Hold Your Schedule Sacred The Best Places to Find Comedy Ideas Putting a Face on the Idea Putting Yourself in Your Comedy Comedy Is Just Around the Corner Idea vs. Premise Examine Each Situation for Comedy Potential Whats Funny About This? Exercise—the Comedy Expedition

k Types of Comedy Humor Has Categories The Four Types of Comedy But Aren't They All Just Jokes? Comedy-Type Terminology Stand-Alone Jokes How Many Writers Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb? One-Liners Insult Humor Story Jokes Monologues Rants Performance Art Physical Jokes Sight Gags Falls, Trips, and Slips Props Character Jokes Jokes About the Character Comedyfromthe Character

23 23 23

25 IS 26 26 21 28 28 29 29 29 30 30 31

33 34 34 34 35 35 35 36 31 37 31 38 38 39 39 39 40 40 40 41

Contents Part 2:

Basic Comedy Construction

5 Building a Laugh The Universal Joke Formula Premise: The Subject Point of View: How You See It Making a Match POVfor Longer Comedy Pieces The Twist: Getting to the Humor Comparisons Word Plays Misdirections Pop Culture References Keeping the Comedy Visual 6 Comedy Writing Rules Clarity Is Everything Simple Jokes for All Kinds of Folks More Better Language Language, Fair or Foul? Huh? End on a Trigger Go All the Way Soul-Searching Comedy It's All About Emotions Stay on Topic Make It Matter 7 Know What You're Talking About The Premise Lots of Funny Roads The Back of Your Hand One Is Okay Don't Suck Research Everything The Subject Isn't the Subject Funny Focus Distracted Art Form Identifying the Funny Clarifying the Funny

B 4S 45 47 49 50 51 51 52 53 54 55 56 59 59 60 60 61 61 62 62 63 64 64 65 67 68 68 68 69 10 71 72 72 75 13 13

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The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing Organizing All This Information Be Sure You're Sure About the Joke

8 Exploring Your Point of View POV Defines Comedic Voice Comedic Voice for the Stage Comedic Voice for the Page Comedic Voice for the Purely Visual Joke Basic Emotions Emotions Come from Within Changing Behavior Emotional Triggers Emotions Are Intense Everyone Is Different Emotionally Multiple Emotions State of Being Don't Suck, Part Two Be Honest Link the POV to the Premise Make Your POV Active "I Get It!" Make It Uncommon Give Yourself Some Wiggle Room Be Sure It Fits Try Something New

9 Let's Twist Again Choosing the Right Twist Putting In an Effort Making an Effort Surprise! Misdirection Revisited Exaggerated Reactions Nothing but the Truth Mix It Up Clear Twists Twists on Top of Twists Toppers Tags Callbacks

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Contents 10 Congratulations! It's Funny

Part 3:

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Putting Together the Elements Funny Is Not Always Funny Some Jokes Are Stronger Than Others Is It Really a Great Joke If You're the Only One Laughing? Matching Your Joke to Your Comedy Style Fine-Tuning Your Presentation Relative Jokes Funny on Its Own Together, the Piece Has a Flow Complement the Tone Match the Tone to the Genre The End Keep Going: Write Every Day Magic Notebooks and Creative Excuses Exercise: Jokes from Scratch

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The Art of Comedy Writing

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11 Long-form Comedy Turning One-Liners into Bits Related Topics Multiple Points of View Writing with Speed One Premise, Many Punch Lines Tangent Lists Free Association Stories Everybody Does It Story Structure Plot Who Is This Guy? Dialogue Where the Hell Am I? Things Get in the Way Happily Ever After Story Revision Stories for Jokers Exercise: Make It Longer

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The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing 12 Comedy Is Life

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Finding Common Ground with Your Audience 119 Getting Specific 120 ... But Keeping It Universal 121 Its in the Details 121 Boxing People In 122 Changing Attitudes 122 Nothing Is Too Obscure 123 Stay Involved 123 Me, Me, Me, Me, Me 123 Get a Little Closer (Enough to Get Smacked with a Wet Fish) ....124 Write Your Idea 126 Don't Lie ... Well ... Only Lie a Little 126 13 It's All About the Words Keep the Language Simple Use Language as Art Use Your Words to Create a Rhythm Write In Silence and Physical Movement Keep It Clean %m*it Hidden Blue \k Going All the Way Don't Hold Back Anything Dare to Offend Use Any Words You Want Accentuate the Positive Eliminate the Negative Don't Mess with Mr. In-Between This Sucks Part k:

The Craft of Comedy Writing

15 Learning to Let Go Ready to Edit? Give It a Little Tweak Addition by Subtraction

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Long-Form Editing Tighten Up Say What? Don't Tell That Would Have Been Passive Writing No, My Grammar Ain't Bad Free Gift Further Clarification A Tense Situation Fll Repeat It and Say It Again Go With the Flow Format for the Format Apply for Your Artistic License 16 Everything Old Is New Again Comedy Is a Work in Progress From Genre to Genre Humor Keeps Coming Back This Old Joke Updating the Laughs Its Funnier Now The Changing Order of Things New Order Means New Rhythm Not Funny There, Very Funny There "This BitJustMight Worklf I Change ..." Exercise: Long-Lost Laughter 17 Who's Going to Laugh at This? Relating to Your Audience Cater, Don't Pander You Have to Do It Anyway Exercise: How Wide Is Your Spectrum? Edgy Humor Shock Comedy Insult Humor "Adult" Comedy Topical Joke or Cheap Shot? Staying Unique

147 148 148 148 148 149 149 149 151 151 151 152 152 155 ....155 156 156 159 159 159 160 160 160 161 162 163 163 164 165 165 166 166 161 161 168 169

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The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing 18 Not All Jokes Work Everywhere Does It Have a Pulse? Styles Define Markets Some Jokes Need to Be Said Some Jokes Need to Be Read Some Jokes Need to Be Seen There's Room for Every Joke The Square Peg Meets the Round Hole The A to Z of Saleable Comedy A Is for Abandon Bis for Brief C Is for Crisp D Is for Done E Is for Emotional F Is for Funny G Is for "Get It" His for Hack I Is for Information J Is for Jokes KIs for Killer L Is for Language M Is for Marketable N Is for Natural 0 Is for Order P Is for Proofread and Polish Q Is for Quality R Is for Rhythm Sis for Style T Is for Tested UIsforUJF Vis for Vision Wis for Whole X Is for Xiphoid Y Is for Yawn Z Is for Zealot

171 172 172 112 113 113 173 174 174 115 115 115 115 115 116 116 116 176' 116 116 777 Ill 777 777 777 777 775* 118 775* 77«? 118 77«? 775> 119 119

Contents 19 Preparing to Be Professional Keeping Your Ideas Current Knowing What Ideas to Develop Next Okay, What Next? Developing a Plan Pie in the Sky vs. Pie in the Face Money for Funny Dear Sir or Ma'am: Would You Like to Laugh? Whats the Story? Resume: French for "I Need a Job" Buyers and Bloodsuckers A Buyer Is a Buyer Is a Buyer 90 Percent of Something Beats 100 Percent of Nothing Who's Reading What? 20 If It's Funny, It's Money Action! Selling Your Screenplay You vs. the Film Industry Pitches and Paperwork u Dear Person Who Holds My Future in Your Hands ..." ISO Representation Wanted for My Script: Actors, Producers, and Directors Making the Sale (or Having the Option) And the Winner Is ... You! Selling Sitcoms The Allure of Greasepaint Chapter One More Paperwork! Book (Odds and) Ends More Funny Books The Real Story In Decent Proposals What Else Do I Have to Do? Comedy Delivered to Your Door Letter-Writing Hell Know Your Rights Money Magazine Psst, Hey Buddy, Wanna Buy a Joke? Comics and DJs and Hosts—Oh My!

181 181 182 183 183 184 184 185 186 181 187 181 188 190 193 193 194 194 195 195 191 191 198 199 199 199 201 201 202 202 203 203 204 205 205 205 206 206 207

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The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing

Part 5:

Speakers Say the Funniest Things Odds and Ends First Contact

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Different Jokes for Different Folks

211

21 Comedy on the Page Did You Hear the One About Knock, Knock: Whats Your Goal? Two Comedy Writers Walk Into a Bar How Many Writers Does It Take to Format Jokes? Stop the Presses! Story First, Comedy Second A Crash Course in Magazine Writing (and Selling!) A Fictional Accounting The Page-to-Page Process Tuning Your Instrument and Other Troubleshooting Tips Its All About Style Exercise: The Five Elements The Sunday Funnies Remember, Dogs Can Talk Keepin' It Real The Multi-Panel Strip Submitting Cartoons The Caption Reads Visuals First Not Just for Cartoons Anymore Exercise: Every Picture Has a Caption

22 Sitcoms How Sitcoms Work By the Numbers Size Matters Return to Sameness Conflict The Big Misconception Hard Comedy The Guy Understanding Your Characters Character Triangle Dialogue

213 214 215 215 216 217 211 218 219 220 221 222 222 224 224 225 225 226 227 228 228 228

229 229 230 230 230 231 231 232 232 233 233 233

Contents Narrative Exercise: Keying Narrative Subplots Structuring Your Spec-Script The Two-Act Structure Teaser vs. Cold Open Act I Act II The Tag Formatting Your Spec-Script Margins and Layout Page Numbers The First Page Each New Scene The Slug Line Character Lists Narrative and Dialogue Transitions Odds and Ends Spec-Scripts vs. Pilots Choosing a Spec Developing an Original Idea The Pilot Script Outlines and Treatments The Show Bible The Series Treatment Show Bible Elements Show Bible Layout Using Your Spec-Script 23 Ensemble Comedy Sketch This What the Heck Is a Sketch? Sketch Elements Formatting Your Sketch Funny in Film What It Is 25-50-25 Five Points Formatting Your Film

234 235 235 236 231 231 257 238 238 238 238 239 239 239 239 240 240 240 240 241 241 242 242 243 244 244 244 245 246 2W 250 250 250 253 254 254 254 255 257

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The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing Formatting Your Screenplay Assume Away Curtain Up Why Is This a Play? Enter Stage Left Throw Grammar Off the Stage Stage Crossings One Act, Two Act, Three Act... Five Formatting Your Stage Play Funny for Two Stories, Sketches, and Feuds The Straight Man Pace 2k Solo Comedy Professionals "Hey, It's Great to Be Here Tonight..." Priority Number One Before You Step Onstage Writing for Performing Exercise: Writing for the Stage Writing for Your Comic Persona Is It a Script? Or Is It Stand-Up? Hey Mr. DJ! HereeeeeesJohnny! Specialty Acts Focusing on the Gimmick Using Jokes to Set Up the Craft ZS Adding a Dash of Funny Speech! Speech! Before You Start Writing "Hello, Fd Like to Begin by Thanking You All for Coming Today ..." From the Dais Roast Rules Research Tips Cheers! Corporate Comedy Writing Clarity Is Everything A Word of Warning Final Thoughts

257 259 259 259 260 261 261 262 264 266 257 257 268 Z69 269 210 277 272 272 275 273 274 274 275 275 275 Z77 277 218 218 280 280 281 282 282 283 283 283

Contents Appendixes A Glossary

285

B Something to Do Every Day

291

C Where to Go for Help

307

D Annotated Taina Script

311

Index

319

xvii

Foreword Jim Mendrinos was one of my first friends in comedy. Me, Jim, Chris Rock, and others would sit around the diners and open mikes trying to figure out what was funny. What was stand-up comedy? We learned through trial and error. It was the blind leading the blind. There was no stand-up technique. There was no "right way" to do stand-up comedy. And there still isn't. Each person has to find out what's funny to them and how they want to communicate that to the audience. But there are guides that come from people with the experience. Jim has that experience. He's a great comic and a great student of comedy. He will save you the years we all wasted making the time-wasting mistakes that come from having no references to learn from. You will still have to go through all the things we went through, but you can eliminate a lot of the years we needlessly went through. Well, not needlessly, because now Jim has written a book to teach people how to be aware of what they are doing comedically. Jim came up the hard way, and he is now sharing all he has learned with you. So good luck, and don't listen to agents or club owners. Listen to other comedians. We are all we've got. You've been great, that's my time, be careful driving home. Colin Quinn Host of Comedy Central's Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn

Introduction To celebrate my nineteenth birthday, my late sister, Mary, and one of her really cute friends decided to take me to Catch a Rising Star in New York City. It seemed like a good fit; I loved to laugh and I would be old enough to drink. So a few days after my birthday—Monday, August 29, 1983, to be exact—we headed out to Catch and saw the show. W h a t a night it was. I saw some great comics—Larry Amoros, Dennis Wolfberg, and Ronnie Shakes, just to name a few. It was also audition night, so I saw a few clinkers. As I was sitting back in my chair, something wonderful happened—I met "her" and fell in love. Of course I did have two drinks in me ... T h e one thing that would become the definition of who I am grabbed me that night. I fell in love with the art form of comedy. I became a man possessed. I loved the laughter, and I decided it would be fun to work with comedy. I spent the next week blowing off classes and writing comedy. Then, the next Monday, September 5, 1983,1 waited outside the club for seven hours to get a number to perform. That night I went on stage at 1:15 in the morning. T h e M C left me up for 10 minutes in a 5-minute spot, which taught me the first lesson I want to pass on to you: Write more. Needless to say, there was room for improvement after that. Luckily, plenty of veteran comics took the time to teach me what I needed to know. Later, as I branched out into writing, then screenwriting, then T V writing, then playwriting, I had many great tutors speeding me along my journey. I also consumed every book and article on comedy writing I could find. That education filled my mind with what I believe is the correct way to write comedy. I hope this book will help pass those lessons on to you. I trust you have had an inciting incident that has inspired you to explore comedy writing. Have fun with it. Enjoy the writing, and take time to laugh yourself. On the one occasion I was lucky enough to meet Bob Hope, he said something that stuck with me: "If you didn't laugh when you wrote it, why should I laugh when I hear it?" Truth be told, every great comedy writer I've ever come across has said something remarkably similar to that. With so many great minds in agreement, I think it might be true. In whatever genre you want to write comedy, the bottom line is this: It has to be funny. At the end of the joke comes a payoff and the writer's reward: laughter. Here's to many happy rewards.

xxii The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing How to Use This Book First I'm assuming you can read. I know it's a picky point, but it's a prerequisite for writing. I'm also assuming you either purchased this book, got it from a friend, or borrowed it from a library. If you stole it, you'll probably be able to use it, but you're not a very nice person. If you meet the above criteria, you'll be able to benefit from this work. I've divided the book into five sections. Each deals with a major aspect of comedy writing. Part 1, "Finding the Funny," explores the foundation elements of comedy writing. Here I examine where to look for ideas and how to bring your sense of humor to your ideas as I discuss the basic types of comedy. This is a perfect place for the comedy writing novice to start; that's why I put it first. Part 2, "Basic Comedy Construction," covers the specific points of writing a joke. It explores the Universal Joke Formula and details the elements that make for good premises, points of view, and twists. It looks at the individual joke, both as a unique element and as it would be applied to a larger comedy work. Part 3, "The Art of Comedy Writing," covers the artistic points of comedy writing. It shows you how to bring life to your page, garnish that writing with the perfect words, and use your comedy in longer pieces. It also shows you how to go to the artistic edge without falling off. Part 4, "The Craft of Comedy Writing," looks at editing your material, reworking ideas, understanding the audience's part in comedy writing, and even marketing your finished comedy. If you have talent, you need to know this to focus that talent. Part 5, "Different Jokes for Different Folks," takes the lessons you've learned from the previous four parts and puts them into the right format for each genre. If you want to get paid for being funny, you have to know how to make it look professional. This section covers most professional comedy formats.

Bonus Bonus nuggets of information are also sprinkled throughout the book. These are pieces of comedy wisdom that need to be brought to the forefront. They are:

Introduction xxiii

k^_Js Bag of Tricks These time-savers and tips should help you write better right now.

Funny Files These boxes contain fun, often offbeat information that points you in the right direction.

& w^

Comedy Pros

Check these boxes for sage wisdom by some of the most respected people in the comedy biz that illustrate important points in the text.

No Laughing Matter These boxes highlight the pitfalls and danger zones of comedy writing.

Acknowledgments So many people helped make this book a success. Let me start with Renee, Christy, and all the gang at Alpha who tirelessly helped me through the process of writing a book. To Sheree, Janet, Megan, and all the "Bees" in my agent's office, thank you. All the talented interviewees who lent their talents, gave me advice, or allowed me to pick their brains to make this book better deserve a hardy thank you. This list includes: Stephanie Adwar, Mark Allen, Eddie Brill, Jerry Craft, Kathleen Dunbar, Will Durst, Lucien Hold, Cory Kahaney, Dave LaBarca, Ali Leroi, Leighann Lord, Chris Mazzilli, Jim McCue, Rick Messina, Steve Mittleman, Yvonne Mojica, Roger Paul, Maria Perez-Brown, Herbie Quinones, Alex Steele, Jason Steinberg, Lou Viola, Bret Watson, Larry Weissmann, and Chris Young. I also want to thank Colin Quinn for the kind introduction to this book. Being able to have him speak for me after all these years of friendship means more than you could know. Then there's a special thank you due to Larry, who has believed in my writing, oftentimes more than I do. Stu and Lisa let me bow out of their wedding so I could write this. Thanks also to my family, Liz, John, and the kids, Mr. and Mrs. Lord, Bobby, Patty, and the kids. Mary, who was there with me the night I fell in love with comedy— I miss you. And of course, I must remember Bear and the house hound, Scruffy, who is funnier than most of her biped competitors.

xxiv The Complete Idiot's Guide to (omedy Writing

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Finally, to all the people who've shared their comedy genius with me over the years— they are too many to mention, but I learned from each one of them. To everyone who strives to make people laugh, whatever the medium, thank you all for teaching me so much.

Trademarks All terms mentioned in this book that are known to be or are suspected of being trademarks or service marks have been appropriately capitalized. Alpha Books and Penguin Group (USA) Inc. cannot attest to the accuracy of this information. Use of a term in this book should not be regarded as affecting the validity of any trademark or service mark. The Writer's World, World Skew, and The Sarcastics art by Yvonne Mojica, written by Jim Mendrinos, used by permission of Yvonne Mojica. Mama's Boyz art by and written by Jerry Craft, used by permission of Jerry Craft. Taina written by Maria Perez-Brown, produced by Nickelodeon. Used by permission of Maria Perez-Brown and Nickelodeon.

Finding the Funny So you want to write comedy. Perhaps you were the class clown or a locker room cut-up. Maybe you are the cleverest conversationalist a cocktail party has ever known. Whatever the case, you want to take your comedy style and do something with it. You want to turn pro. You have the desire, but where do you start? It's easy: You start by finding funny ideas. In Part 1, I'll tell you how to mine those ideas. I'll take you from forming comedy ideas, to adding your own sense of humor, to looking at the world for more comedy gems. I'll also give you some names for the styles of jokes you'll be writing.

What's Funny? In This Chapter • Discovering comedy styles • Picking the best genre for an idea • Finding the perfect place to start • Knowing what forms of comedy have the least restrictions "Haveyou heard the one about....?" I'm sure you have. We hear jokes every day. Comedy is woven into the fabric of our lives. We use laughter to educate, communicate, defuse situations, and bond with each other. Comedy is at the epicenter of our humanity. But where does all this comedy come from? What kind of warped mind puts a lawyer, a teacher, and an accountant in shark-infested waters? What twisted person thinks up all those half-baked sitcom ideas? What kind of brain looks at political chaos and finds political comedy? T h e answer is everybody. We can all find the funny in everything. All we need to do to find it is teach ourselves to look in the right places.

P a r t i : Finding the Funny

The Many Faces of Comedy As I began to write this book, I considered the variety of things that make people laugh. T h e jokes I have heard my fellow comics say in clubs or wickedly funny sketches I have seen on reruns of Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In are always good for a hearty laugh. Then I thought about the first time I could ever remember laughing. I was about 4. We had a puppy, Blackie, who loved to run through the house. My parents realized that carpeting and a puppy made a bad combination, so they took up the rugs and put down linoleum. Very slippery linoleum. Of course, Blackie still ran through at top speed, but now his attempts to corner and stop were slapstick comedy of the first order, usually ending in his crashing into a table, wall, or some other unyielding object. To a 4-year-old, this was high comedy. If the truth be told, it still makes me laugh. On the other hand, so do cartoons I read in The New Yorker. That's the great thing about comedy; you can enjoy it from many different angles, from something as simple as a puppy losing his footing to comedy found in more scholarly publications. Doesn't matter if you're blue blood or blue collar, something will make you laugh. Something we hear can make us laugh, or we can laugh because of something we read or see. I've enjoyed uncontrollable laughter at the hands of comedy legends, and I've had wonderful laughs administered by corporate speakers or rank amateurs in bars. That's the beauty of laughter—you don't give points for the reputation or success of the comedy writer; instead, you laugh at what strikes you funny.

IV^_J/ ^ Vf

Comedy Pros

Herb Qui nones is a stand-up comedian, writer, and co-host of Coco Y Selines on Latino Mix 105.9 in New York City. He has one of the hardest jobs in comedy— coming up with new material five days a week—and on top of that, he has to make people laugh both in English and in Spanish. He had this to say about comedy writing: It's called a sense of humor for a reason. Just like there's a sense of sight and smell and taste, everyone is born with a sense of humor that he has to nurture and develop. The difference between comedy professionals and everyone else is that the pros have a more developed sense of humor. Of course, a sense of humor means nothing if you don't also develop the craft.

T h e many faces of comedy give the emerging comedy writer many avenues of possibilities to explore and eventually master. It's up to you to tinker with each type of comedy writing and fill each genre with your own sense of humor.

Chapter!: What's funny?

5

Comedy is that delicate balance of artistry, your own sense of humor, and your craft, which is comedic construction. This balance holds true for all genres of comedy. To begin the writing process, you need to recognize your individual sense of humor and identify the styles of comedy you can write for. I have designed The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing to help you bring out your creative style, but, like all writing instruction books, this book will emphasize craft. It will help you sharpen your story-telling skills and show you how to improve your technique. I hope it will also inspire you to simply write more, because as any good comedy writer can tell you, the more you write, the better you'll get. One final thing to keep in mind is that this book will cover a wide variety of comedy writing, from stand-up to sitcoms to humorous essays. To avoid confusion, when I'm talking about more than one genre at a time, I'm not going to use terms like "the reader" or "the TV viewer"—I'll just refer to whomever you are trying to make laugh as "the audience." In Part 5, I'll go in depth on each genre and explore the format and rules specific to each. But before we get into that, let's examine the general definitions of each genre we will cover.

Bag of Tricks have sprinkled exercises throughout the book. When you see one, give it a try. Even if it's not the genre of comedy you think you want to master, you might learn something about how you write that will make your talent in your genre that much better. Remember, input and output are directly connected, so the more you know, the more you can write.

Comedy for the Page This is a cry for help. Vm losing my hair. Well, not actually losing it—I collect all the strands from my comb and the sink and keep them in a baggie. But the fact remains that my hair is swiftly abandoning my head! —Opening to the e-column "Overlooking the Pond" We might think of comedy as an art form for the stage or screen, but it also has a rich history on the printed page. Comedy on the page experienced a boom in the late 1960s and through the 1970s with authors like Phillip Roth and legendary humor magazines like National Lampoon. Although it might seem that sitcoms and stand-ups are drying up the humor-for-print market, print has experienced a bit of a resurgence lately via the Internet. Comedy

6

P a r t i : Finding the Funny writers are attracted to the printed page (or screen) because of the depth of storytelling books and articles need. Many writers also like the freedom the printed page gives. In a sitcom, play, or movie, you have a finite amount of time to tell your story. A stand-up has to write comedy to fit the level of his audience. A print comedy writer can be as esoteric as he chooses and take as much time as he needs—two luxuries most other comedy writers can only dream of.

Articles of Comedy Articles bridge the gap between reporting and storytelling. They are usually brief pieces that focus on a single subject and carry a writer's unique opinions. Like the earlier bit about hair loss, articles are emotionally charged pieces of work that not only focus the reader on the topic (hair loss), but also the emotion behind the topic (the fear and, yes, the horror of hair loss).The first type of comedy article is commentary, on any subject. One of my favorite sportswriters, Mike Lupica, uses his unique sense of humor to lampoon targets in the world of professional sports. He stays truthful when reporting the facts, but he uses comedy to make points that might otherwise seem too harsh. What's funny for a commentary article? Anything you have a strong opinion on works well—especially if that opinion is a bit askew from the norm. The other type of comedy article is the personal experience essay. Don't be frightened by essay. It's not meant in the high-school midterm sense. I'm not going to ask you to compare the Roman aqueduct systems with the building of the American highway system. All I mean by essay is a narrative presentation of opinions occasionally supported by facts. Dave Barry writes personal experience essays. The hair-loss story earlier is part of a personal experience essay. It's more one's opinions and interpretation of facts than purely fact-based commentary. What makes for a fanny personal experience essay? Any events unique to you but other people can relate to as well. For instance, I'm dealing with my hair loss in my own overly neurotic way, but lots of men have to deal with losing their hair.

Humorous Fiction When it comes to putting comedy into fiction, most writers are nervous. They assume that if they tell a story, the comedy will suffer, or that if they add comedy, the story will lose focus. However, nothing could be farther from the truth. Laughter helps the reader focus on the story. When we laugh, we are entertained. When we're entertained, we want more. Comedy, and the laughter that comes from

Chapter!: What's funny?

7

it, makes the reader a participant in the artistic process. Lately, there haven't been many comedy novels, but read a great one like Shopgirl by Steve Martin, and you'll see why the audience loves this form. Martin blends comedy into his characters and storytelling beautifully.

f!

No Laughing Matter

Whether you're writing a novel or a short story, the comedy must come from the characters and the story. All too often a writer feels the need to put something funny in the story just because there hasn't been a laugh in a while. This doesn't work. For fiction to hold its form, the story needs to be sound. If it's a choice between story and funny, story has to win. If a joke doesn't spring from the situation or move the story forward, leave it out.

What topics are funny for fiction? Any story that can hold the length of a fiction piece and that also offers a few humorous avenues is a great starting point for fanny fiction.

Cartoons and Captions Cartoons and captions are probably the first type of comedy many of us read as children, and nothing captures the imagination quite like either. What these two forms have in common is that they shine a light on a single moment. You have to be perfect in the presentation of your idea in order for the humor to work. Cartoons don't have to be realistic. Anything can happen to anything at any time. Think of the freedom this provides a comedy writer. Anything—no limits—can happen to anything—the full expanse of your imagination—at any time—the options are endless. You can turn the Statue of Liberty into a Playboy Bunny. You can make a spaceship get Funny Files stuck at a tollbooth because the Martians onCartoons are also related to board don't have exact change. You can have comic books; however, treat writa dog walk a human. With cartoons, if you ing a comic book as though you can imagine it and draw it (or get someone were writing short fiction. In other else to draw it), you can do it. What makes for funny cartoons? The sky's the limit. If you can figure out a way to illustrate them or convey your ideas to an illustrator, you're good to go.

words, make sure you have a strong story for the illustrator to draw and for your comedy to come from.

8

P a r t i : Finding the Funny A caption is just as fun. It's a single line or one or two sentences placed below an image frozen in time. T h e image solidifies the comedy in the line, and neither is funny without the other. It's the perfect pairing of ideas. What makes for a funny caption? A firm, opinionated line—the firmer, the better— attached to a picture.

Joke Book Jokes This is almost a hybrid genre. Yes, they're usually assembled on a page in magazines from Readers'' Digest to Playboy; however, they're often said out loud (although sometimes not in mixed company or in front of the kids!). These jokes have to paint a picture with their words, just like all printed comedy does, but they also have to be brief just like performance comedy. On occasion, these jokes are off-color or even downright rude. They often rely on stereotypes and misconceptions to get a laugh. However, when done right, joke book jokes are an exercise in imagery-filled comedy writing and expert wordplay. What ideas are funny for joke books? Anything that involves comparisons and wordplay. Also, things that both read well and sound good when you say them aloud are perfect for this genre.

Comedy for Ensemble Performers At rise: Inside the therapists office, Punch and Judy are beating the stuffing out of each other with big fluffy pillows. Dr. Oswald sits there taking notes. He subtly tries to get their attention, clearing his throat, whistling, etc. When all else fails, he screams. DR. OSWALD: (Yelling) STOP IT! ENOUGH! They stop. DR. OSWALD: The two of you have been here for over an hour, and all you've done is beat the crap out of one another! Now, do you want to work things out, or do you just want to call it a day? No response. Punch and Judy just lay limp, like marionettes at rest. DR. OSWALD: If you can't even answer me, how can you expect me to help you save your marriage? Now what do the two of you want to do? —From T h e Punch and Judy Show performed at the Instant Theater in New York City

Chapter 1: What's Funny/

9

Comedy for ensemble performers covers a wide spectrum, but it has one major common thread—more than one performer delivers the material. It doesn't matter if it's theater, film, or even a sketch, the unifying factor among these genres of comedy is the call and response that come when characters talk to each other. One character's personality, agenda, and history interact with other characters' personalities, agendas, and histories. What results is a wonderful spectrum of comedic ideas that you can pull from as a writer.

Comedy on the Stage So you want to be the next Neil Simon? When you're writing comedy for the theater, keep the stage in mind. Theater writing is all about fitting the story onto the stage where the action will take place. What results is a story-telling form that is dialogueintense and emotionally driven. Most young comedy writers think that they only have to write snappy dialogue for the play to work, but again, they must consider the story. We have to care about these people and what they're doing in order to listen to and be willing to laugh at the dialogue. Story comes first. Comedy, second.

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Comedy Pros

Many young comedy writers find that the theater is the most rewarding and most accessible way to showcase comedy writing. Start by writing short pieces that don't require much in terms of staging. After a few productions, you'll begin to build a reputation that will make comedy buyers take notice.

What are good, funny ideas for the theater? Your starting point should be a story that you can present in a limited space, with characters that are identifiable and likable.

Sketch Comedy Sketches are unlike the other forms of ensemble comedy writing in that they're almost exclusively character-driven. Sketches are shorter, built on the characters and situation or premise, rather than a story. Good sketches establish the characters and premise quickly, often relying on visuals and quick-paced dialogue. Sketches are the one kind of comedy writing where the joke is more important than the truth.

10

P a r t i : Finding the Funny Bag of Tricks Sketches come in many varieties, from the single-set dialogue-driven sketches you see in theaters or on TV shows such as Saturday Night Live to multi-visual sketches that are staples of films like Monty Python's Flying Circus. Great sketches are even performed on the radio. If you're unsure of what medium your sketch best fits, explore the comedy. If it's visual comedy, you can eliminate radio as an option. If it needs more than one location to work, it's probably best for film. Looking at where the jokes come

What ideas become funny sketches? Shorter, character-driven pieces that have a logical place for the sketch to begin and end are the first place you should look.

Comedy on the Big Screen Film comedy is the ensemble equivalent of a novel. Film writing has a very specific artistic construction and format (more on that in Part 5), so it's important that your story and characters work together to create the comedy. Film characters arc, which means they change measurably through the screenplay, so you have to constantly tinker with the character's point of view as you write. Also, because a movie is a story told with pictures and words, the emphasis falls first on the visuals you set. W h a t topics are funny for film? Any story you know that can hold the length of a feature film and also has strong, well-defined comedic characters could make for a very funny film.

Sitcoms Sitcoms, or .rc'taation comedies, are half-hour mini-stories featuring the same characters on a weekly basis. They are successful because the public recognizes the behavior of the characters and identifies with the situations these characters find themselves in. Writing for sitcoms comes in two categories: original ideas for shows (pilots) and scripts for existing shows (spec scripts). Both require the comedy to come from strong character manipulation, but pilots also require you to build a strong foundation of conflict that other episodes can build upon. T h e difference between pilots and spec scripts is much like the difference between building a house as opposed to renovating one—one builds on the other.

Chapter 1: What's Funny?

II

In either case, you need to be able to tell a story in a very limited number of minutes using a minimum of characters. In addition, the majority of the comedy will be delivered through dialogue. Add to that the fact that sitcom characters don't arc or notably change in any episode, and you can see why it takes a keen craftsman's eye to write a sitcom script well. What topics work best for sitcoms? For spec scripts, look at stories that flow from your understanding of the characters. For pilots, you should look for ideas that provide easily identifiable character types. In both cases, keep the story small enough that you can wrap it up in less than 22 minutes (30 minutes minus commercials).

Comedy Teams Fewer comedy teams exist now than at any other time in history. T h e reason might be economic (two people splitting one paycheck), or it might just reflect current audience preferences. In either case, the fact remains that when there is a good comedic pairing, people will respond to it favorably. Look at a list of great stand-up comics, and you'll see a lot of teams on the list—Abbott and Costello, Martin and Lewis, etc. What attracts an audience to teams? Timing. The back and forth between skilled performers creates a rhythm that the audience can follow and latch on to. T h e audience will even laugh at a joke of questionable quality if it correctly falls into the rhythm. Once the role of each team member is defined, the audience learns where to laugh and follows along. Does this seem familiar? It's very close to sitcoms in its approach. Funny Files The best example of good timing in a comedy team piece is the Abbott and Costello bit "Who's on First." To really see the timing, don't watch it—read it. Almost seven decades after Abbot and Costello first performed this routine, it still is the benchmark of great team comedy writing.

Teams are either sketch-driven, like Nichols and May or Burns and Allen, or monologuedriven, like Abbot and Costello. In either case, they have strongly defined characters (although in sketch-driven teams those characters can change from piece to piece). What are funny topics for comedy teams? Any subject that fits in with the personalities of the team would work just fine. Your only limitation is that it needs to have a good rhythmic quality.

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Parti: Ming the Funny

Comedy for One Things were so much more fun when we were kids. Amusement parks? They were built to make us sick. We'd get there and eat—popcorn, peanuts, soda, cotton candy. Then, "Oh put me on something that spins a lot! I want to test the parameters of my digestive tract!" And cotton candy is just sugar and food coloring. We give this to 10-year-olds, then spend the entire day screaming "Calm down!" Comedy for one is a wonderful, freeing experience. Unlike ensemble comedy or comedy for the page, you have no major form to adhere to and the freedom to try whatever strikes your fancy. Look at stand-up comics. They can be as structured as Jay Leno or as off-the-wall as Robin Williams. T h e structure of the act takes a backseat to the joke. Ultimately all that matters is the laugh.

Stand-Up Comedy Stand-up comedy is the freest form of comedy writing. Simply stated, there are no rules when it comes to how a joke should look. It's the comedy writer's Wild West— the great wide open! Stand-up comedy writing requires an understanding of the performer's comic persona. Because the comedian is selling the jokes as an extension of himself, the comedy writer has to perfectly match the material to the comedic character. What are funny topics for stand-up comedy? T h e sky's the limit. Just match the topic to the comic, and you're ready to go.

Topical Comedy for TV and Radio Nearly every on-air personality uses humor to some degree. From your morning radio DJ to David Letterman, hosts performing topical material fill the airwaves. Writing that material scares some writers, but it's just a matter of training yourself to write jokes on events of the day. T h e topical comedy writer has a two-pronged job. He has to understand the nature of the character he's writing for and understand what's in the public consciousness. If you do a joke on an unfamiliar topic, no one will know if it's funny. (Unless the joke is that nobody's familiar with it.) When you match a well-crafted joke to the performer's style, you've done your job. What ideas are funny for topical humor? Any event that is both current and popular is ripe for this style of humor.

Chapter!: What's funny?

B

Humor for Speeches Placing humor into speeches is a delicate process. Unlike audiences for stand-up comics, most speech audiences aren't expecting comedy. If the jokes come out of left field, the audience will be lost. If they are too biting, people might be offended. Unlike most forms of solo comedy writing, where the personality of the performer is integral to the joke-writing process, humor for speeches relies solely on comedy derived from the subject.

No Laughing Matter _ ^

When writing for people who aren't performers, the jokes must be clear, concise, and easy to say. Put the joke in the easiest language so the speaker can say it effectively. Also, let the speaker know where you think the laughs will come so he won't be caught off-guard.

What's funny for speech writing? Any humor derived from the topic will work just fine.

Common Threads in All Comedy One thing links all comedy forms: a direct connection between the audience and the joke. The genre and format may change, but the triangle connection between material, performer, and audience remains key. You need to understand each part of the equation in order to write effective comedy You have to get the audience to understand what you're talking about to get them to laugh at it. I interviewed all types of comedy writers for this book—people who write comedy for the page, sketch comedy writers, sitcom writers, and stand-ups. I asked everyone I knew who makes people laugh professionally "Where do you find funny ideas?" Every one of their answers began the same: "If it makes me laugh ..." Find what's funny in your world. If you try to write what you think people will laugh at, you will fail. If you start and end with what makes you laugh, you'll always stay original. Many ideas work in many forums. I wrote about going bald in a comedy article, but I could just as easily have done it in a stand-up bit or a sketch. It comes down to what you want to write or are capable of writing at the moment. That's the beauty of comedy—it's malleable.

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P a r t i : Finding the funny

The Least You Need to Know • A writer can make most ideas work in any genre. • T h e best comedy writing ideas make the writer laugh first. • Each genre has its own unique writing restrictions. • Stand-up comedy writing has the most variety in styles. • T h e joke, the genre, and the performer form a connection. • Anybody can write comedy.

Chapte

You Are Funny In This Chapter • Knowing what makes an audience laugh • Finding what's funny to you • Organizing your ideas Everybody loves to laugh. Well, maybe not everybody. There's an old guy who runs the hardware store in my neighborhood who hasn't smiled since Ike was in office (and is grammatically correct, but kills the joke) who doesn't seem to have a sense of humor. Everyone else I've ever met likes to laugh. That's what makes comedy writing so easy. Everybody wants you to succeed. Nobody doesn't want to laugh (okay, except for the hardware store guy), so they're ready and waiting for you to produce. Of course, in order to produce you have to be funny, and you are, even if you don't know it yet.

Why People Laugh Everybody laughs, but why do they laugh? Don't worry, I'm not going to turn this into a self-help book and start quoting clinical psychologists. We all know there's a human need to laugh, and whether that need is linked to a primal instinct from early in our evolution or it's a healing process on a subconscious level doesn't really affect how you write comedy.

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P a r t i : Finding the Funny What I'm talking about is something much simpler—namely, what triggers our laughter response. When you consider how wide the humor spectrum is—from a political rant from Bill Maher to a pie in the face—sometimes comedy seems all over the place. It's not. Comedy is a controlled science. Comedy writers use specific pathways to get laughs. We deliberately tickle the emotions we believe will lead to laughter. If the audience is in touch with the same emotions, we have a connection and, hence, laughter.

Lauqhter Is an Emotional Response Laughter, in its simplest form, is an uncensored reaction. We respond emotionally to something that amuses us, the same way we would cower if we were afraid or cry if we were sad. The best part of this reaction is that it's joyful—no cowering or crying necessary here. You can learn a lot about a person by what makes him or her laugh. If someone laughs at high-brow word play, that says something about that person. At the other end of the extreme, if a person is laughing uncontrollably at the scene of a lion devouring a zebra, you need to put some distance between that person and yourself. We all laugh at different things. As a comedy writer, the key is to learn what you laugh at so you can bring it to an audience to laugh at. After all, if you don't think something's funny, how can you expect someone else to? Just like a painter needs to learn how to stretch canvas and mix paint, you need to learn how to identify what makes you laugh. That's your task. Start by making lists of things you find funny. Put down everything from sitcoms to daily observations. This list will help you focus your efforts. Let's consider sitcoms as an example. I absolutely adored All in the Family. Every nuance of that show made me laugh. Chances are, I could have written a great episode for the series. Seinfeld, on the other hand, is another story. For some reason, I didn't connect with that show as strongly. (Yes, I know that Bag of Tricks , not liking Seinfeld borders on blasphemy.) I doubt I could write an effective episode for Jerry and his Want to learn about your sense friends. of humor even faster? When you make the list of what's funny to you, also jot down why you find it funny. If you understand why something is funny to you, you'll start to understand the logic behind your laughter.

Is one sitcom better or funnier than the other? That's debatable, but we're talking shades of gray here. I just liked one more than the other. As a writer, I need to understand what I like, write what I think is funny, and keep searching for new influences so I can expand my concept of what's funny.

Chapter Z: YouMunny

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Although I want you to look at your own sense of humor for most answers, I'd be less than honest if I didn't point out that most of the things that make people laugh can be broken down into categories. Here are a few.

All Things Familiar People tend to laugh at what they know. There's a comfort in something familiar that gives us the freedom to let down our guard enough to laugh. It's also a feeling of belonging. Sitcoms use this concept all the time. In fact, they bank on it. The characters remain consistent from episode to episode and year to year.

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No Laughing Matter

Familiarity is great, but don't get too close. People struggle with issues all the time, and you never know who will be too close to what subject. If you're talking about death, nobody will warm up to the comedy if he feels like you're discussing his own demise or the demise of a loved one. For the more sensitive topics, it's important that you establish a healthy distance from the audience. Get more personal. "This happened to me ...," or "I've found that ...," are great modifiers writers can use to make touchy subjects less pointed to the audience. Make it about your situation, not so much theirs.

Familiarity is especially strong if you can touch on something that people have not only seen but also done. "Yeah, I've done that, too," is the strongest connection a comedy writer can get with the audience. Use that connection. Exploit it.

I Wish I Would Have Said That! Humor used to express the things that people wish they could have said and done is not only well received, but it's also empowering. Unlike watching an embarrassing moment, where most people try to hold back their laughter, this invigorating moment excites the audience and puts them on the edge of their seats. This type of comedy allows the audience to live vicariously through the comedy and go places they otherwise would never dare to go. The only drawback to this is that when used excessively, it can lose its spark.

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P a r t i : Finding the Funny

Extremes This is comedy of the imagination. It allows you to put yourself into a situation. It's the "what would you do if ...?" scenario. This type of comedy works better in a visual medium like film. Think about the movie Big. While the story may be funny on its own, the visuals enhance it in a way that makes it identifiable to the audience. Even if you don't believe the story, you tend to believe your eyes. T h e visual component helps people overlook or even forget that the story can't possibly be true.

Shocked Into Laughing Fm not wearing any pants as I write this. Did I just say that? Yes, I did, and many of you probably just laughed at it. Shock laughs are about as primal as this art form gets. It's more than just catching the audience by surprise; it's writing something that challenges the comfort zone of the people experiencing it. Sam Kinison was a master of shock humor. At times, so is British comedy troupe Monty Python. Films such as There's Something About Mary have been written around shock humor. You can jump-start almost any crowd into laughter by using shock humor.

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Comedy Pros

It isn't enough for you to just shock your audience. David LaBarca, a comedy teacher who runs standupcomedycollege.com in New York City, suggests the following: You can shock anybody, it takes nothing. Just do something they don't expect. You need a joke behind it for it to really be funny. You don't just want people to laugh out of nervousness; you want them to laugh at your joke.

With this power to shock comes a by-product. Undoubtedly, you'll offend some people. Everyone is sensitive about something, and if you touch on that something, they'll be offended. T h e key to effective shock humor is to approach that edge without being mean. Whenever you're both mean and shocking, the audience tends to turn off. However, if you can bring another note to the shock joke, such as logic or compassion, the audience will still be shocked, but they won't feel guilty about laughing.

Chapter 2: to/Iff Funny

19

Just Plain Silly There was an old adage in vaudeville: N o matter what kind of an audience you have— rich or poor, young or old, speaks English or not—if you slap someone with a big, wet fish, everyone laughs. Truer words may have never been spoken. I laugh every time I see the / Love Lucy episode where she stuffs chocolates into her mouth from the assembly line. Every time I see a pratfall, or a pie to the kisser, I laugh. Silly stuff can make even the most stuffy person roll with laughter. There's no thought to it. T h e pure foolish nature appeals to a less-than-noble side of us. Usually we're laughing at the person, not with them, but we're still laughing.

Growing a Funny Bone Every culture, every age, every race, every economic class, every profession, and every person laughs. Emotions cannot always be controlled, and everyone will laugh at something. However, what that something is changes from person to person. While laughter is universal, comedy differs. You need to find what makes someone laugh by first finding what makes you laugh. Grow your sense of humor, because if you have more things you know are fanny, you have more ways to make other people laugh. Growing your funny bone means exploring different styles of humor, analyzing what works and why you think it might be funny, and understanding the tools of comedic construction and using them.

Write Down Everything I hope you've already started writing down the things you think are funny. Now, I want you to go a bit deeper: Start writing down the things you want to make funny. This is where most people who aren't serious about comedy writing will stop reading the book. If you're reading this part in the isle of a bookstore, now would be a good time to put it down, because what I'm going to say next puts fear into the hearts of all writers: In order to write, you actually have to write—physically write.

Bag of Tricks Pen and paper, fingers and keyboard, parchment and quill—whatever tools you use, find the combination that makes it easiest and most comfortable for you to write, and then write. All too often we overlook the mechanical attribute of writing. Spend some time with it. If you make your writing tools more comfortable, you make your writing process more comfortable.

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Part 1: Finding the Funny Most people say they want to write but then freeze when it's time to produce. You can't do that. You have to force yourself to stain the pages, even if you think the jokes aren't your best work. I'm not saying that bad jokes are better than no jokes. I am saying that if you write something, even if it's bad, you have something you can manipulate, edit, correct, and tinker with until it's funny. Where do you start this process? It's simple: Write down everything. Write down your ideas, first drafts of jokes, even what triggered the idea. Does this work? Absolutely! It's especially helpful to overwrite. It's easier to have too much and edit it than to have too little and try to find the joke. Once, I wanted to write a piece about how everyone has some level of cruelty—I know, a yuk-a-minute idea if ever there was one. I started with the concept, then proceeded to write four pages—none of which I felt was funny—on the subject. Then I started editing it. By the time I finished, I had one line. You have to write in order to be a writer. Trust me, nothing is ever wasted. Even if you never use the joke, you still gain experience.

Bag of Tricks There ore two types of people in the world. The first is the type that will laugh when they see someone fall down in the street. The other is the type who will shove someone down on the street just to get a good laugh. That's been the opening line of my stand-up act for a while. It always works. It also never would have existed if I didn't ... •

Explore an unusual topic.

•

Actually write something on the topic.

•

Overwrite the topic.

•

Edit it.

If You Express lt r They Will Laugh All comedy has to touch something in the audience; they have to "get it." That's the hardest part of the writing experience in any genre. Most writers try to connect with the audience when they are working on construction. That's way too late.

Chapter 2: YouMunny

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You have to clearly define what you want to talk about when you come up with the premise. Defining this right at the start keeps your writing focused and pinpoints how you're going to get the laugh from the audience. Anything you can do to make things clearer for the audience makes the writing process more productive for you. When you are writing stories, clarity keeps the action moving. When you are writing jokes, it makes for less information for the audience to process and, hence, more laughter!

All Ideas Should Be Explored Don't disregard something because you think the audience won't get it or might be offended. All in the Family explored race issues. Lenny Bruce made people laugh with "adult humor." M*A*S*H was a successful film and later a successful TV show even though it dealt with such keep-'em-rollin' topics as loneliness, war, and death.

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Comedy Pros

A lot of new comedy writers shy away from challenging topics. They go for "easier" topics like sex or insult humor instead, believing that it's easier to write comedy for a nonthreatening topic. But this is not true. It takes the same energy, craft, and creativity to write a joke on politics or societal problems as it does to write material on bodily functions. Go for the challenging topics—the rewards are much higher.

The point is that you can make any topic funny. Don't suppress any artistic urge. If something doesn't work, fine. Trust me, wasting your time beats opening a book or turning on the TV and seeing an idea you thought of but disregarded.

Keeping Track of It All Now that you're writing down things you find funny, you need a system to keep the new ideas organized. Whether you choose to organize everything in a notebook or on your Palm or on your computer, pick someplace that's easy for you to use and keep everything, including your undeveloped ideas ready to be worked on, in one place where you can review it easily. Make your system personal so it can work for you. Don't worry if it's not the way other people do it.

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P a r t i : Finding the Funny Bag of Tricks Every good comedy writer needs tools to make his job easier. In Part 5, I'll cover the things specific to each genre, but for all writers, the following things would be quite

helpful: •

Pocket notebooks and pens to write down ideas

•

Notebooks to work on longer pieces

•

Library and Internet access for research

•

A computer and a printer to flesh out your ideas on

•

A great dictionary and thesaurus

•

Reference books on the genre you want to work in (see Appendix A)

There's not a single item on this list that I don't use with frequency. And after all, what good is coming up with a really funny idea if you don't have something to write it on?

Organizing Ideas Now that you have written lists of things you find funny, try this: Take your lists and put each item into a category. Find the ideas that connect them. On Wednesday, I had an idea about credit card debt. When I looked through my lists to categorize this idea, I found I also have ideas about foreign currency, gas prices, and getting a mortgage. By placing ideas together, you can start to build longer bits, things that will turn into stories for magazines or bits for stand-up acts. Putting ideas into categories can tell you if you have enough comic ideas for something to be as long as a feature film. After all, if you have enough good jokes on hating your boss, why couldn't you write them into a film protagonist's thoughts and dialogue? Lists serve as the first layer of organization in the writing process. Don't overlook them.

Ordering Ideas After organization comes ordering ideas. Now that I have enough on a topic or topics, I want to develop a story. Almost every genre of comedy tells a story, so this is a necessary step. T h e more work you do at this point, the more polished your comedic ideas will be and the easier it will be for you to find the perfect genre for the concept. Remember, most stories are linear, but not all of them have to be. This is the place for you to try something fan.

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Bag of Tricks When you're writing for longer forms of comedy such as novels or screenplays, you'll find that the lists have to go into different categories. When I'm writing for these types of comedies, I often have lists for things that apply to the story as well as individual lists that apply to each character. By separating comedic ideas, I'm able to tell where I can best use that idea.

What Makes You Laugh? Earlier in this chapter, I asked you to list things you thought were funny. You probably started with things that are meant to make you laugh. "Woody Allen movies make me laugh." "I love sight gags and things like clowns." From there, you probably went to the things you want to make funny. "The awkwardness of a first kiss is fanny." "I always laugh at the way my uncle makes a production of barbecuing." Let's go one step further and start to find the fanny in everything.

Learning to Express Your Funny Side There's something funny about everything; you just have to look hard and find it. It's time to move away from the comfort zone of inspiration, roll up your sleeves, and create something funny. If you just wait for ideas to hit you, it will take you forever to write anything. Although I do admit that most of my best jokes hit me swiftly, the majority of the comedy I've written has come from much effort and dedication. Every time you write, find new things to joke about. This will expand your writing abilities and grow your comedy writing files.

Exercise: Jump-Start Your Creativity with Nouns This exercise makes you focus upon things you wouldn't normally focus on. It asks you to look at something with the intention of seeking out what's funny about it. Start with a publication. Anything from a newspaper to a dictionary will do. Open it at random points and start to list the nouns you find.

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Parti: Ming the funny Start small with a list of 12 to 20 nouns. Put them in a column. In a second column, write down what's funny about each of the nouns. If you can't think of something right away, keep looking until you find something. Take a look at the following if you need some ideas to get started. Noun

What's Funny About It?

Dance clubs Computers Lawns

Most people in them can't dance. I spent $2,000 to get spam. I only spend time on my lawn when I mow it.

If you look hard enough, chances are that you'll find several things you find funny for each topic. Not all your ideas will lead to jokes, but some might. If you find that nouns are too easy for you, move to random words. To write about something conceptual might seem harder, but it forces you to look at things in a new light and write outside your comfort zone. Pretty soon you'll not have to look very hard to find the common comedy in everything.

The Least You Need to Know • Laughter is an emotional response. • You can make anything funny. • Start your search for comedy ideas with what makes you laugh. • Making lists and organizing your ideas simplifies the writing process. • To be a comedy writer, you actually have to write.

Looking for the Funny In This Chapter • Where to look for funny ideas • How to examine an idea for comic potential • What the jokes are about • The proper hardware for the job No writer likes writing. All writers love having written. The finished product is a joyous thing to behold. It is the fruit of your labor, the apple of your writer's eye, and the reward at the end of the day. Have I strung together enough cliches for you to get the idea? I believe so. Writers avoid writing for several reasons, not the least of which is a lack of discipline. As comedy writers, we are even more susceptible to poor writing habits. Comedy writers have less editorial nagging, er, input and looser deadlines than other writers, so we have to stay dedicated to our craft and constantly be on the lookout for comic possibilities.

Inspiration vs. Perspiration Unless you hit it big at a casino or have a nine-digit trust fund, chances are you have to work for a living. Writers who only write when inspiration

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P a r t i : finding the funny hits them, forget this. Sure, talent and a good idea make the process easier, but it's still a process. It's work. It's a job. But it's a wonderful job. We make people laugh. Joy is a wonderful and necessary product in every person's life, so it's always in demand. As a comedy writer, you have an endless stream of customers who are eagerly waiting to buy your product. To produce that product, you have to write.

Come Up with a Concept Coming up with something to write about is called the concept phase. This is the time you spend observing the things you want to shine a humorous light upon, researching the particulars, and deciding what genre you want to develop it in. Remember, you have to actively work at this; you can't just wait for the thunderbolt of inspiration to strike you. Also, if you're lucky enough to wind up with a job writing comedy, say working on a sitcom or writing a weekly humor article for a newspaper, you don't have the luxury of waiting for an idea. These jobs have deadlines, and if you think it's hard for you to come up with material when you're sitting at home in front of your computer, imagine how hard it'll be with a producer or editor looking over your shoulder. It's important to learn how to mine funny concepts now. Bag of Tricks Neither of these concepts is new to you, I hope. The thing I've come to hold most sacred in comedy writing is that input equals output. And the best way to learn how to write well is to write. Do yourself a favor and combine these two ideas. Spend some time every day exploring something new or reading comedy by the writers you admire, then spend time writing about it. By detailing your experiences in your journal, you break them down into simpler elements you can use to create comedy, focus on the construction, and demystify the process of writing.

Train Your Writing Muscle Writing is like a muscle. By training it and using it constantly, you strengthen it. If you spend just one uninterrupted hour a day writing, you will have better results than if you write just when you're in the mood.

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This applies no matter what genre you're writing in. If you write comedic prose, can't you write a page in an hour? That's a page a day for a year. That's a book. If you write stand-up comedy, can't you write at least one joke in an hour? That's 365 jokes a year. At 10 seconds per joke, that's more than an hour of material a year. That's a tremendous output!

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Comedy Pros Larry Weissmann is a talent manager who specializes in comedy writers. He had this to say about writing every day: The best comedy writers write every day because they know how important it is in terms of developing their skills. When you listen to someone who spends time writing and also reading every day, you'll hear how much sharper, tighter, and more professional they sound. It's a better brand of comedy when it has that fresh feel to it.

Of course, if you're on a roll and you have the time to spare, nobody says your dedicated hour can't be stretched to two or three. Just make sure you get at least that hour in. Everything else is extra credit.

Hold Your Schedule Sacred T h e three phases of comedy writing—concept, premise development, and editing— all strengthen your writing muscle. They also take time, which is a commodity most people don't have. You should know by now that you need to write every day. T h e hardest part will be keeping that appointment every day. Set up a writing schedule and stick to it. If you put aside a particular hour during the day, only write, hone, or edit during that hour. You need to keep this time sacred, and even if nothing is coming to you, keep writing. Don't use this time to answer your e-mail or clean out the fridge. You have to churn out volumes of high-quality pieces swiftly, so keep your focus strong. T h e tone of your act or your sense of humor will be fresh in your mind from the day before. T h e short, hour length also stops you from burning out during the writing session. If you write 1 hour a day and someone else writes for 12 hours on one day, you'll be much more productive with your time than he is with his. With the level of competition in the industry, if you avoid your dedicated writing schedule, it's a death sentence for your career, so make the time you write scheduled time. Keep this time sacred. Short of death or disaster, nothing should interfere with it.

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Part 1: Finding the funny

The Best Places to Find Comedy Ideas Where do your ideas come from? Usually they come from nouns. (See, there was a reason I had you do the noun exercise in Chapter 2.) People, places, things, and ideas— the joke has to be about something, i.e., nouns. It's rare for someone to write about verbs. Even if you have a bit about running, the bit is usually more about you or someone you've seen running than the act of running itself. Knowing that, it's important that you to be on the lookout for those comedic nuggets that spark jokes. If it's something visual, write down the complete observation. If it's something you read, clip the article and make notes on what you think the humor is. Keep stellar notes, and the writing process will be easier for you. Break out your ideas. You'll find that in most pieces, the comedy is directly linked to the nouns. If the bit is about you (the noun) running, the joke should be about how goofy you look, not how goofy runners look. Make sure everything is linked and, in terms of imagery, has a face.

Putting a Face on the Idea Let's go back to emotions. Emotions are solid feelings on specific subjects. We need to feel concrete feelings for the subject of the joke to identify and find the humor in it. People can't connect with abstract things as well as they can connect with concrete things. That's why a joke about dogs doesn't pack the same punch as a piece about my dog. Personalize the subjects in your jokes. Put a face on a topic so your audience can identify and, therefore, will want to hear the repercussions that will undoubtedly happen to the subject of the piece.

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No Laughing Matter

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Sometimes the "face" you're attaching to a piece is a familiar one. If the subject of your particular comedy bit is a well-known face, people will already have their own opinions and prejudices. These opinions might make your joke less potent or even cause it to fail. Look at political comedy. If you do a bit about a politician, those in the audience who agree with you will laugh. Those who disagree won't. Don't shy away from incorporating popular figures into your writing, but do understand the public perceptions of that person and use those opinions to manipulate the audience.

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Putting Yourself in Your Comedy We know people laugh at specific things. By keeping in mind the noun of the joke, we're keeping in mind the concrete image that we're asking our audience to laugh at. This helps us to focus the comedy and point the audience to our specific idea. Put another way, comedy works best when it is in the first person. You, the writer, are an integral ingredient in the joke. A random event in the universe isn't nearly as interesting as something that comedicly impacts a life—your life. If you're writing story-based comedy such as a play or novel, the events impact the characters. If you're writing a personal experience piece or doing stand-up comedy, you should consider yourself a character in the comedy you present.

Comedy Is Just Around the Corner Things you snicker at or raise an eyebrow to are good places to look for comedy. Experiences from your past or in the lives of those around you are also good places to look. By now you should have started compiling a list of nouns you think have comedy potential. If you've been open to finding the funny, chances are, you'll have a laundry list of ideas. How do you know an idea is a keeper? How do you pick the best ones to develop? I look for three things: • Of all the ideas I'm encountering, is this the one I can find the most ways to make funny? • Is this something I'm confident I can make most people understand? • When I think about it, do the jokes start to form themselves?

Idea vs. Premise Remember, an idea is not a premise. A premise is an idea you have formed enough that you can start writing jokes about it. The difference is apparent in the amount of details. I may have an idea that expensive cars are funny, but that's not enough for a premise. For a premise, I need to know that expensive cars are funny because there are people whose cars are more expensive than my home. From there I have a few possible comedic avenues. The bit could be about how ridiculous car prices are. It could be about how my neighbor's car is more expensive than his house. It could be about my taking out a 2 5-year mortgage on my new car. The difference between an idea and a premise is the degree of development.

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P a r t i : Finding the Funny

Examine Each Situation for Comedy Potential T h e first phase in the evolution of a comedy writer is the ability to look at anything and examine it for its comedic potential. It's all about perspective: We all go to the doctor. Most people encounter the endless paperwork, excessive wait, and impersonal nature of health-care providers and get upset. Comedy writers, however, see sketches, bits, jokes, and characters (though they're entitled to get upset, too, of course).

What's Funny About This? It's easy to find the line from the idea to the joke if you ask why. I think bumper cars are funny. Why? Because adults drive bumper cars the way they'd like to drive their real cars. From this point, you could decide to frame the bit by taking it in the direction of how people drive their real cars like bumper cars. You could lay out the aggressive actions of the adult bumper-car drivers or even describe how much less fun bumper cars would be if we had to follow the rules of the road. All three options still stem from the same "why?" you asked yourself about the initial idea. BeBag of Tricks cause you started with something you thought was funny, getting to the actual joke is much easier. Understanding why something is funny is great when you're developing an idea, but it's also a good tool to use to keep your comedy fresh. As we mature, our tastes change. Four years from now the same things might be funny for a whole new set of reasons. That leads to a whole new set of punch lines.

If something didn't make you laugh initially, ask yourself, "What's funny about that?" By asking this question, you're examining the comedic potential. Some things might have only one or two funny things about them. Others might have tons of humorous avenues. Take postcards, for example. How many funny things can there be about postcards? Consider these ideas:

• People are just throwing it in your face that they went somewhere and you didn't. • If you're taking the time to write to me on the vacation, there must not be a lot to do there. • Most people who send me postcards never write me letters. • Whenever someone sends me a postcard from overseas, he gets back way before I get the postcard.

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• If I went to a place that boring, the last thing I'd do is send proof to my friends. • T h e people pictured on the postcards are much better looking than any of my friends. • T h e people in the postcard photo seem to be having a much better time than my friends are capable of having. • T h e pictures on the postcard are always pretty. It makes it seem like there's no place ugly in that city. • If you really wished I were there, you should have sent me a plane ticket and not a postcard. • Whenever I get a postcard from someone on vacation, I feel incredibly guilty about not sending him a postcard from my last vacation. Here you have 10 possible ideas about postcards. Each one of these ideas could lead to a sketch, a scene, or a line for a comedian. I never thought of postcards as particularly funny, but once I looked at them, I rattled off this list in no time. It's a comedy writer's job to find the funny. T h e best way to find it is to examine everything for comedic potential.

Exercise-the Comedy Expedition Let's put your sense of humor into motion and go on a humor expedition. Take a walk with a notebook or tape recorder. Go someplace out of the ordinary. A trip to the amusement park can bring you bits about kids, rides, parents, the concept of why people go on rides, teenagers, and so on. When you watch the news or surf the net, every time a new story or concept passes in front of your eyes, define what's funny about it. Look at everything during your expedition, and force yourself to write about what you see. Don't just find the comedy about the web page you're on; find it for the browser you used and the other people who must have visited this site. Find a place you want to explore, search out the humor, and bring home a new comedy. There are millions of funny things out there; it's up to you to find out what's funny about them. If you're open to finding comedy, you'll be able to find humor in everything.

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P a r t i : Finding the Funny

The Least You Need to Know • Writing for short periods every day is the most effective way to build large volumes of material. • You need to keep your writing time sacred. • Nouns help you focus the attention of the joke. • Asking "What's funny about this?" is the best way to find the humor in a subject. • The best ideas for jokes are the ones with the widest variety of things that make them funny. • If you wait for a funny idea to hit you before you start writing, you may be waiting a very long time.

Types of Comedy In This Chapter • Recognizing the different styles of jokes • Writing comedy stories • Seeing funny things • Creating comedy characters You have a general understanding of genres, and you're starting to turn your ideas into full-blown premises. At this point, you want to start forming these premises into things that will make people laugh. Don't just think jokes or punch lines, though. During the opening credits of The Dick Van Dyke Show, the lead character trips over an ottoman. Four decades after he first tumbled headfirst and three decades after I first saw the fall, I still laugh when I see it. There are not only many ideas you can make funny, but there are also a variety of ways that you can make them funny. It's all about learning the types of comedy.

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P a r t i : Finding the Funny

Humor Has Categories What you can make funny is limited only by your imagination. T h e way you make something funny has a few more limitations. I've dealt briefly with the genres your comedy nuggets will eventually end up in, but what style of humor will you use?

The Four Types of Comedy What are the styles? you might ask, and I'm glad you did. It might seem like there are a million different comedy types, but you can break them down into four main categories: • Stand-alone jokes • Story jokes • Physical jokes • Character jokes Knock-knock jokes and humorous op-ed pieces in The New York Times use these four comedy types. Sitcoms and clowns use these four comedy types. A politician who gets a laugh from a line in his speech uses these four comedy types. N o matter what genre you work in, you will use one of these comedy types to make people laugh.

But Aren't They All Just Jokes? Isn't anything that makes people laugh a joke? In a sense, yes. Comedy writers tend to lump the comedy types together and use the word joke for anything people laugh at. However, a joke is just a generalization. Funny Files The definitive volume of comedy as an art form is probably Laughter: An Essay on the Meaning of the Comic by Nobel Prize-winning philosopher Henri Bergson, written in French in 1900 and translated into English in 1 9 1 1 . You can find complete translations of this groundbreaking essay online.

It's a lot like going to the supermarket. You want bread, but what type of bread? There's white, wheat, rye, sourdough, multigrain, French, soda, etc. The choices fill a whole aisle. T h e comedy type you use for a particular premise is just like selecting bread. There are a variety of choices, but only one fits your tastes right now. People use the generic joke because there isn't a tremendous vocabulary attached to this art form. Why is that? I think it's because this art form is a subcategory of many other art forms.

Chapter ki Types of Comedy

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There aren't a lot of books on comedy writing, but there are tons of good books on screenwriting, sitcom writing, fiction writing, nonfiction writing, theater writing, speech writing, stand-up comedy writing, and cartoon writing. Each of these books uses the vocabulary of its genre and treats comedy as an afterthought. You can get a great book on the craft of screenwriting, but it contains limited information on how to inject the art of comedy.

Comedy-Type Terminoloqy To avoid confusion, when I'm talking about a specific comedy type, I'll use the following terms: stand-alone jokes, story jokes, physicaljokes, and characterjokes. When I'm speaking generally, I'll just use jokes. You use virtually the same construction to build each type of joke. Think architecture. To some degree, steel, wood, glass, bricks, and concrete are used in every building, yet how that material is used can vary as houses, skyscrapers, warehouses, etc. result. Now, let's look at each comedy type in a little more detail.

Stand-Alone Jokes This type would be the comedic equivalent of "The Big Bang." Because these jokes are individual in nature, they seem to be the purest form of jokes. Stand-alone jokes are the smallest units of comedy writing. You'd think that would make them easier to write, but it doesn't. Each stand-alone joke has to have all the information you need to understand the idea in a very small package. Putting it all together is much harder than you'd think.

How Many Writers Does It Take to Chanqe a Liqhtbulb? We've all heard hundreds of these fun little party jokes over the course of our lives: the ones that begin with such profound questions as, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"; the blond jokes; the "A guy walks into a bar ..." jokes; and the wife jokes. There's an endless supply of these little ditties in the comedy universe. Here's one of my favorites: A group of tourists were at the Acropolis in Athens. The guide said, uThis place is thousands of years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, altered, or replaced in all those years." One tourist from New York said, "I think we have the same super!" Party jokes tell complete stories, and you need to understand the concept quickly. That's why it's easier to use stereotypes in these jokes.

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P a r t i : Finding the Funny In the Acropolis joke, you need to know that the Acropolis is ancient ruins, and that supers have a reputation for being a bit lax on the upkeep of apartment buildings. If you did a blond joke, you'd probably only need to know the stereotype of the dumb blond. Probably the best example of party joke writing would be the Jeff Foxworthy series You Might Be a Redneck If...

One-Liners This is the type of joke stand-up comics rely on most. It's the quick hit that requires little information in order to get a laugh. Because it's meant to be performed, the writer must add inflection to direct the audience's emotional attention. To successfully build a one-liner, you need to have a firm set of circumstances to build the joke on. Either you have a concrete premise that everyone can identify with or a popular idiom that you twist. Each gives the audience something familiar to use as a launching point for the humor. The most popular example of the one-liner style is the top 10 list. This is one easy-tounderstand premise followed by 10 funny lines. Here's an example. The Top Ten Reasons Why You Purchased This Book 10. You judged it by its cover and thought it was okay. 9. You hoped it would be more entertaining than The Complete Idiot's Guide to Writing Depressing Stuff. 8. You really like the color orange. 7. You have no sense of humor and thought this might help. 6. You're a really big fan of sitcoms and want to find out how they write that brilliant dialogue. 5. You read a little bit of the book at the store and found it to be a real page-turner. 4. Your best friend's cousin's nephew was the author's college roommate. 3. You have no date for Saturday night and thought this book might be a good way to spend an evening. 2. Given the subject matter, you were hoping for some sexy photos of Woody Allen. And the number-one reason you purchased this book is ... 1. You're a comedy writer and you want to use the purchase price of this book as a tax deduction.

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Every joke in the list is based on the premise that you bought the book. All the oneliners come off the possible reasons why you might have bought it.

Insult Humor While often cruel and usually in poor taste, insult humor jolts the audience into laughing with its unyielding tone. At first glance, insult humor seems to be pure shock humor in a one-line style. However, upon closer inspection, you'll find subtle shades of sarcasm, frivolity, and an acknowledging wink from the comedy writer that shows the audience the insult isn't mean-spirited but actually good-natured. Look at the Friar's Club roasts. Many of these lines could be thought of as mean, but the pure exaggeration of the barb diffuses a lot of the nastiness behind the lines. After all, if you're telling an Oscar-winning actor that you've seen "Better acting when my kids are trying to con me into staying home from school," how serious can he really take it? The exaggeration is exactly what makes this form of comedy work. Look at these "Your mama" jokes I got from my nieces: Your mama's so fat she had to be weighed on a truck scale. Your mamas so dumb she called in sick with a computer virus. Your mamas so old her picture is in my history book. Is anyone so fat that they would have to be weighed on a truck scale? Would anybody be stupid enough to call in sick with a computer virus? Is anyone so old that his or her picture would be in a history book? No. It's the extreme exaggeration of an area of sensitivity that makes this comedy type work.

Story Jokes Every comedy play, movie, and novel is a type of story comedy. So, too, are bits by comedians such as Bill Cosby or Bill Hicks. Story jokes attach the joke to the framework of a well-crafted story. More important, comedians use well-crafted jokes to move the story forward.

Monologues A monologue is a series of individual jokes loosely connected by a single theme. Every time David Letterman or Jay Leno opens his show with topical jokes, he is performing

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P a r t i : Finding the Funny a current events monologue. They can take the point of view of being jealous of the latest Hollywood starlet's new beau and follow it up with amazement at the behavior of a politician during a current scandal, and keep it connected with the loose theme of current events. T h e joke writer can share a variety of emotions with the audience in a single monologue.

Rants A relative newcomer to the comedy writing ranks, rants are over-the-top ramblings with a single point of view on a wide variety of subjects. T h e point of view is usually aggressive, and the pace is very quick. T h e style of writing is very tangential, and the language tends to be crisp.

No Laughing Matter Although a rant is from a single point of view, that point of view doesn't have to be angry. If you attack every rant from an angry perspective, you'll find that the jokes will start to become repetitive, even when you change the subject. Why is this so? Because some emotions are stronger than the subjects that invoke them. With anger, hate, hostility, or even love, the emotions are so strong that the jokes will start to morph into jokes about the emotion. The best way to work a rant is to bring down the emotion a notch so it won't cloud the subject.

Monologues can be written in almost any voice, but rants should always be in the first person. T h e writer tells the audience what he's thinking without the filter of a character between them.

Performance Art This comedy type is most closely associated with monologues, only the performer acts out multiple parts during the performance. So as the writer, you have to write in elements of character and dialogue into your monologue. Performance art might seem synonymous to a type of theater you'd see in a dingy "alternative" space, but you only have to watch a minute of Robin Williams or Jim Carey to see how effective this style is as a comedy tool.

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Physical Jokes Ah, physical jokes, I'll admit it, before I discuss the physical types with you, that this is my favorite type of joke. To me, anything that can use an image to convey an idea is a wonderful bit of artistry. That's why I like cartoons. It's also why I love silent comedy bits. Bag of Tricks If you're unsure how to convey these visual gems on the page, rent a couple silent comedy films. Anything from the Keystone Cops to Buster Keaton will do. Watch the films, then write down exactly what they did that was funny. Keep reworking the descriptions until you have a complete picture that highlights the funny parts. After studying the master's visuals a few times, you'll be ready to tackle your own.

To make physical comedy work, you need to establish a strong point of view by using your visuals. Your audience can probably picture the character of the stodgy butler in formal service wear and white gloves majestically strolling down the hallway holding a food tray. So when we see this person we've pegged as a snob drop a full tray of food all over himself, we have a context with which to laugh.

Sight Gags Think about the / Love Lucy episode where Lucy, dressed like Harpo Marx, does the mirror shtick with Harpo. She mimes him movement for movement and facial expression for facial expression. That's a sight gag. A sight gag is something that doesn't need any verbal explanation to be funny. Sure, the fact that we know Lucy is up to no good makes it funnier, but it would be funny even without that knowledge. That's the true nature of sight gags—funny images.

Falls, Trips, and Slips Watch any episode of Three's Company, and you'll see Jack Tripper tumbling over something. His somewhat klutzy nature gave the audience an expectation of a misstep around every corner. Seeing Jack's character doing things that would cause us embarrassment or injury was funny because we had a person to tie the action and repercussions to—a person a safe enough distance away for us not to feel bad about laughing.

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P a r t i : Finding the Funny I usually explain it to my students in this way: A person slipping on the ice—mildly funny. My landlord slipping on the ice—extremely funny. My grandmother slipping on the ice—stop laughing, it's not funny! Remember, only people with a safe distance from the character in question can laugh at that character's physical misfortune. Don't write the character too close to the audience so they miss the humor in the situation.

Props Props are objects you use to get laughs. T h e laugh can come from the revelation of the object; for instance, in the film Big, in the scene where Josh first wakes up as an adult, his pajamas are too small for his body and his body is too big for the room. In this case, the char^ ^ l £ L _ J / Comedy Pros acter is the prop. \ v / '

It's very easy to break out a funny object and let the incongruity get a quick laugh. It's also a bit of a cheat. When you use a prop, make sure there's a fully executed piece of comedy behind it. If you're writing a longer form of comedy, be sure the prop fits into the world you've created and doesn't detract from the story.

T h e prop laugh can also come from commentary about the object. Comedians use this quite often. Someone drops a tray of drinks, and the comic onstage says something like "Put those anywhere." Props in and of themselves are not funny; they can only be funny in a specific context or with a specific line. However, with the added information props provide, they can quickly and effectively highlight a comedic notion.

Character Jokes Character jokes are the most common type of comedy writing. This type of joke comes out in everything from funny dialogue in film to extreme comic choices for stand-up comics such as Rodney Dangerfield. T h e built-in point of view that comes with a strong character makes writing character jokes easier than almost any other type of joke writing.

Jokes About the Character When an audience fully understands what makes a character tick, they can make assumptions about a character's behavior or history. Sitcoms do this better than any other form of comedy. Each character can almost be known as the overly groomed guy or the smart-aleck guy or the (fill-in-the-blank) guy.

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Alex from Taxi was the smart guy. Ted from The Mary Tyler Moore Show was the dumb guy. Kramer from Seinfeld was the weird guy. With such perfectly defined character types, it's easy to make jokes about the things they do or say.

Bag of Tricks Don't just think that the jokes have to come from character A and be about character B. One of the great things about this style of comedy is that a character can turn that wealth of audience information on himself. Many comics, such as Dangerfield, have taken their extreme character behavior and made jokes about it themselves. You can do the same thing with well-developed characters in any comedy genre. This gives you one more place to look for jokes.

When a character makes a joke about another character, he is basing the joke on the information the audience has learned throughout the years. That foundation has been laid so now the jokes are just there for the taking.

Comedy from the Character Just as you can make jokes about well-defined characters, you can also have jokes come from the inevitable behavior of a well-defined character. The writer develops a set of circumstances, builds an expectation in the audience, and delivers it in a crisp line that comes from the character. In the film Arthur, we knew that the title character was both kindhearted and a drunk. So when a waiter drops off another drink, it was not only reasonable but was also the perfect character choice for a drunken Arthur to ask his dinner companion if she'd like another fish. Comedy-from-the-character jokes are based on things that only one particular character could say or do. If anybody else tried that particular behavior, it would be out of character and, therefore, not funny.

The Least You Need to Know • A joke is a generic term for anything that intentionally makes you laugh. • The four comedy types are stand-alone jokes, story jokes, physical jokes, and character jokes. • Insult comedy must be exaggerated well past the point of reality in order to escape being mean.

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P a r t i : finding the funny • T h e audience needs distance from the character in order to find falls, trips, and slips funny. • Character jokes are the most popular comedy type. • Every joke type is useable to some degree in any genre.

Part Basic Comedy Construction Jokes don't seem as funny when you dissect them. Concentrating on the individual parts of a joke shines so much light on the pieces that the comedy starts to fade. However, if you build them piece by piece, your joke will be stronger and you will write more. And isn't that your goal as a comedy writer? Part 2 is the nuts-and-bolts part of the book. I'll look at each part of a joke and show you the best ways to take your concepts and turn them into laughs. This is also the part of the book that will help you infuse your jokes with clarity and keep your comedy writing focused.

tf'e HARP FOR m TO CONSTRUCT A ^0\cB. I MEAN, X HAP A HARP TIME 3V\UP)MS A BUZPUOUSB IN BHOP CLA&S.

Building a Laugh In This Chapter • Assembling the elements of a joke • Providing comedic twists • Making the comedy visual • Building a laugh with the Universal Joke Formula W h e n I started writing comedy, I used to wander aimlessly through my ideas. I would try to reinvent comedy with every joke I wrote. After years of frustration, I realized that comedy construction is as basic as any art form. Just as a painter needs a canvas, paint, and a brush, comedy writers need their tools, too—a formula for writing jokes.

The Universal Joke Formula All writing is storytelling, and the key to good storytelling is construction. A story is built on an idea, and into that idea come and go characters. T h e characters go on a journey, taking the audience with them. In comedy writing, not only do we build a story and the characters, but we build the laughter as well.

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Part 2: Basic Comedy Construction There are rules for building comedy into a story, so you can easily build comedy into any genre simply by following the rules. You can use the same formula for scripts, prose comedy, or performance comedy. Shakespeare used it in his day; Dave Barry uses it today. A guy who tells a joke to his friend a thousand years from now will use this formula. From slapstick gags to upscale satire, everything you've ever laughed at has one thing in common—the Universal Joke Formula: Premise + Point of View + Twist = Joke T h e Universal Joke Formula (UJF) is what everyone uses to build a laugh. It is the pathway that brings the jokes from your head to the audience. It's how you direct the attention of the audience exactly where you want it. Remember from Part 1 that comedy is an emotional response. How do you get that emotional response? Easy— follow the direct path of the UJF. Each part of the formula focuses attention on a specific component of the comedy writing process. Let's break it down: • Premise. This is the subject of the joke. If we don't know what something is about, how can we laugh at it? • Point of view (POV). This presents your way of thinking about the subject, the emotion you are trying to express. Laughter is an emotional response, so it makes sense that we have an emotional component to comedy writing. • Twist. This comedic device is used to express the P O V This "triggers" an audience response. T h e Universal Joke Formula works by breaking down everything to the elemental level. It pares down both the concept and the punch line so you get your audience to the funny part as quickly as possible. With no tangents to interrupt the process, the joke is clear and easier for your audience to understand. Let's take a closer look at each of the elements of the formula.

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Comedy Pros

How important is getting to the joke? Consider this comment from Leighann Lord, a New York City-based comedian who has appeared on NBC and Comedy Central and performed all over the world: If it's not quick, it's not comedy. You only have the attention of an audience for a short time. An audience has an expectation of a comedic payoff, and if you string it out too long, the audience loses interest.

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Premise: The Subject Your writing has to be about something. Even Seinfeld, the sitcom that claimed to be about nothing, was about something, and it was about a different something each week. That something is the premise of each episode. Everything we will eventually laugh at has to be clear in our mind. We have to know what the premise is before we can laugh at it. For longer works such as novels or sitcoms, the premise is a series of closely related topics. Your only limitations with premises are your imagination and interests. If you can imagine it, you can write it. What interests you? T h e moon? Ann Rice novels? Leather? Freud? Lint? Subatomic particles? History? T h e list is endless and unique. T h e closer you are to something, the more emotional your point of view on the subject will be. By choosing a strong premise that means something to you, you'll be able to come up with solid points of view. How will you know if your idea will pay off? Use these seven surefire signs to prove that you're choosing a great premise: • It is a subject you know something about. Know your topic so you won't confuse your audience and lose them in the technical details rather than in laughter. If you're using humor in an essay on technology and you're not solid on how something works, gadget buffs will pick up on the flaws in your understanding Comedy Pros of the gizmo rather than your keen ]X^_Jy sense of humor. Each genre has a style of

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It hasn't been done to death. Keep your audience from getting bored. Stay original, and your audience will always be interested in what you have to say. It fits the style of genre you're writing. Your premise for a cartoon caption has to differ from your premise for a funny film. One needs to be quick and laser-sharp, and the other has to have enough room to support the twists and turns of a two-hour plot.

comedy that fits it, both in the concept and the presentation. Some premises work in many genres, but others have limitations. George Carlin has a very funny bit about the seven words you can't say on television. This is a good idea for stand-up comedy, but can you imagine how poorly received it would be in a community newspaper?

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Part 2 : Basic Comedy Construction • It will appeal to your audience. Audiences differ. If you're writing a funny column for a community newspaper, you're held to the standards of that community. If you're giving a toast at a wedding or speaking at an office function, the humor has to fit the mood of the event and the personality of the crowd. If you're writing a sitcom, the comedy must appeal to the audience's demographic. • It has a common element or identifiable emotion. If you're doing a piece on molecular science, a potentially large group of your audience won't understand the topic. However, if you give them data they understand, you can build a bridge between your topic and your audience. You can also do this with emotions. We can laugh at anything if it touches an emotional cord in us. While this is more about the point of view, it's important to pick ideas that are rich enough to bring emotions out.

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Comedy Pros

Richard Pryor Live on the Sunset Strip featured Pryor talking about doing freebase and setting himself on fire. I don't know many people who've freebased. I don't know anyone who has ever been burned in a fire. Pryor made me laugh by talking about the topics beneath the premise. Freebase wasn't the topic as much as addiction was. Setting himself on fire was really about pain and shame. He chose topics that were unique to him but had enough humanity for everyone to understand. Sounds more depressing than comedic, doesn't it? But when he layered the pathos with the humanity of things like trying to keep his addiction a secret (it wasn't drugs that caused the fire, it was an explosion caused by milk and cookies). The comedy came from the humanity, even when the humanity was as foreign and potentially depressing as Pryor's was.

• It is focused. If you're writing something about your childhood, make it a specific event. Even if you're writing a film or novel about a childhood experience, it has to be a series of specific events in childhood and not a generic overview. • It is funny to you. If you can't identify why something is funny, how can you clearly present it to other people? Identifying why you think something is funny is the single most important element in comedy writing. It's the starting point for the rest of the process. It all comes down to commonsense ideas that guarantee clarity.

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Some people think you shouldn't talk about things like diseases or famine. I disagree. Comedy is a powerful tool you can use to make bold points. But be responsible with your humor, and take your audience's feelings into account. Don't deliberately try to hurt someone with your jokes, and you should be able to make anything funny. Don't censor your premises, just flesh them out responsibly.

Bag of Tricks To see if your idea has enough substance before you flesh it out, try writing a freeassociation list off the topic. If you want to write something about a car accident you had, find all the related topics—the accident, the insurance rate increase, the body shop work, the tow truck driver, etc. Add emotions to the list, too—fear of injury, aggravation, etc. The longer your list is, the richer your topic will be.

Point of View: How You See It I have an idea for a personal story essay about having daughters. So far it's a simple premise but not yet funny. It needs something more. It needs a point of view. The point of view is the idea behind the premise; it's how you feel about the subject. The key to finding the point of view is asking why the premise is funny to you. If you can identify why, you can express the humor to your audience. Why are dinosaurs funny to you? Why are your parents' quirks humorous? "Why?" links the premise to the point of view. It brings your own ideas about the event to the forefront and gives the audience and you a common ground—the launching pad all good comedy needs. Why do I think having daughters is funny? Because with all the scheming and plotting I did as a teenage boy, I'm sure fate will punish me by giving me daughters and make me suffer the worry and frustration I caused other fathers whose daughters I dated. It's a cosmic payback, if you will. With a firm point of view attached to my premise, I'm ready to attack the comedy. As I find tangents along the way as I write, I'll have to ask why each tangent strikes me funny. Once I have everything fully thought out, I'll look for the comedic twists. The point of view is limited only by what makes sense for the premise. Here's a list of points of view to get you started.

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Part 2: Basic Comedy Construction

Positive

Negative

Neutral

Affectionate

Abused

Aggressive

Amused

Angry

Anxious

Clean

Cold

Content

Full

Down

Flattered

Jaunty

Grieving

Nostalgic

Optimistic

Jealous

Quiet

Receptive

Pitiful

Shielded

Vivacious

Used

Yielding

With emotions having positive and negative connotations, it's important to keep track of them so we don't overuse one particular set. T h e neutral column consists of points of view that can be either negative or positive, depending on the usage. For instance, it's a very positive thing to be seduced by your lover, but you wouldn't want to be like Darth Vader and be seduced by the dark side of T h e Force. This is only a partial list of points of view. There are hundreds. By exploring a wide variety of these points of view, you can find many different ways to make people laugh.

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Comedy Pros

Sometimes the best lessons are the ones you learn by accident. When I started as a comedian, I spent years struggling with how to make my jokes longer. Then I started writing for television. Writing for many different characters per episode taught me how to work with multiple points of view. I applied this to writing in a singular voice for my stand-up and articles. When I talked about how things affected the people around me or brought in snippets of other people, the comedy had more layers and the bits were more vibrant.

Making a Match It's no different than the improvisation game "Change of Emotions." If you've ever seen an improvisation troupe such as the Groundlings, Second City, or ABC's Whose Line Is It Anyway, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, let me explain. There are usually three performers onstage—two actors and one person who calls out the emotion. T h e caller gets a list of emotions from the audience and an idea for a scene. Then, as the scene progresses, the caller calls out different emotions and the actors find comedy by allowing the emotion to take center stage.

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T h e key is to find an emotion that matches the comedic situation. If the caller tells the actors that "violent rage" is the emotion, the gunman killing the victim obviously wouldn't be funny. However, the victim flying into a violent rage and pummeling the gunman might be quite hysterical. It's the same for comedy writers. Some emotions might make the premise too hard. Others are too soft to get a laugh. You're looking for the comedic ideas that are just right.

POV for Longer Comedy Pieces If you're writing longer forms of comedy, you begin with an overview premise, then select a subcategory of the premise, then explore the points of view on the subcategory. For example, the movie Arthur explored the title character's journey from immaturity to maturity. However, during the process, jokes were made about Arthur's drinking, his inability to care for himself, his extreme wealth, etc. All are topics important to his journey, but all are subcategories of the overview story.

Bag of Tricks Don't want to shift through hundreds of emotions to find the perfect fit? Start by looking up "Aristotle's List of Emotions" on the web. The list has only 14 emotions, but each one is a broadstroke emotion, such as anger, love, fear, and confidence, that will surely produce a strong response.

The Twist: Getting to the Humor You have a subject and a solid point of view that you feel will make people laugh. Now all you need is a way to get your audience to understand your point of view. Ah, now we come to the twist. T h e twist is the fun part of the joke. It is the pathway to the laughter, the final tool you use to amuse your audience. There are dozens of twists: comparison, juxtaposition, parody, exaggeration, sarcasm, etc. Whenever I start to believe twists are finite, I come across a new one. Each new comedy writer brings something new to the experience, so ^ y Comedy Pros innovations are being made every day. (I seems like 99% of comedy hope you'll make some innovations yourself!) ^ ' Twists come in all shapes and sizes, so it's important to realize that the twists have to match the tone of your joke. If the twists are too off-beat for your subject, the joke will fail.

comes from juxtaposing two things that don't seem to go together.

—Bret Watson, former editor of Stuff magazine

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Part 2: Basic Comedy Construction So what are some comedic twists? Let's look at some popular ones: • Antonyms

• Parodies

• Double entendres

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Sarcasm

• Exaggeration

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Satire

• Funny sounds

• Shock humor

• Homonyms

• Similes

• Incongruity

• Surprises

• Juxtaposition

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• Malapropisms

• Things in threes

• Mangled cliches

• Using the familiar

•

Synonyms

Metaphors

T h e beauty of this list is the way it breaks down. All the twist types fit neatly into four categories: comparisons, word plays, misdirections, and pop culture references. Each category tries to get the laugh through a different path. For the most part, we're talking about shades of gray and the different categories can easily overlap or blend into each other. However, because clarity is one of the most important aspects of comedy writing, the shades can make all the difference.

Comparisons Every form of writing uses comparisons. Comparisons are one of the easiest ways to get the audience to feel exactly what you want them to feel. Comedy comparisons are just as important. They add an emotion in a small number of words. They keep things brief and to the point. The two comparison tools you might remember from high school are similes and metaphors. A simile is a comparison using like or as. It brings one sensibility to another idea. A metaphor is a comparison that uses an image to denote one idea or property in place of another. In short, we treat it "as if." Juxtaposition is comparing two things by placing them side by side: "It was a very bad day, the kind of day you'd see on a movie of the week or read about in a suicide note." Incongruity is a more specific form of juxtaposition. In this use you're just placing side by side two things that don't seem to have a common thread. Prop comedy uses incongruity, as do extreme sitcom characters like Taxi's Jim or Seinfeld's Kramer.

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Word Plays Sometimes nothing beats a direct statement. Just telling the audience what you want to say is often enough to produce a laugh. T h e key is in how you say it. Word play twists let you hide the direct statement until the end. It lets you play with language and rhythms within your jokes. Perhaps the most overused twist is sarcasm. Sarcasm is usually a bitter or cutting barb used to tear down the subject of the joke. Dennis Miller has made sarcasm an art form; however, when not used well, sarcasm just seems mean. It's also one of the few twists that must be verbalized, which is why it often fails in print. Malapropism is the apparent unintentional misuse of a word. Want an example? Just turn on an episode of All in the Family and wait for Archie to pontificate. Some great word play twists come from synonyms, antonyms, and homonyms. If you're like me, you probably know the differences between these things but can never remember which is which. A synonym is a word with nearly the same meaning as another word. An antonym is a word with the direct opposite meaning of your intended word. Homonyms are words pronounced or spelled alike but which have different meanings. Things in threes is the classic comedy twist. Most stand-up comics have used this twist, as well as authors of books and sitcoms. It creates a long enough list to lead us in a direction before dropping a surprise in the mix. "My two college roommates spent all day, everyday, playing video games. I was flabbergasted. I was annoyed. I was third." Most old-time comedy writers will tell you that three is the only way rhythm works. Two is too short; four or more will just bore the audience. It's worked for everyone from Bob Hope to Sally Struthers on All in the Family. They might be on to something. Double entendres are tools we use to build the most risque comedy. This twist uses a punch line with more than one possible meaning. Usually it uses a homonym, but when someone refers to a double entendre, they usually mean adult humor. Bag of Tricks When double entendres fail, it's usually because only one of the possible meanings is funny. For a double entendre to work, it needs to be funny no matter which way the audience takes it. This not only makes the joke work, but can also help keep the censors at bay. Laugh-In dodged bullets from television censors and worried advertisers by pointing to the milder yet still funny meanings of objectionable material. Double entendres give you all the bite of a risque joke with none of the repercussions.

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P a r t Z : Basic Comedy Construction And now for the high school locker room type of comedy writing: funny sounds. Some words are just funnier than others are. They sound funnier to the ear, and they look funnier on the page. Boat is not nearly as funny as dinghy. They're close in meaning, but use the word dinghy, and you get a better laugh. Even if you've never seen a dinghy, it most likely brings an image to your mind. Along the same vein, you'll get more laughs using doublewide trailer than by using mobile home. There's also the sound component. For years, some comics have professed that hard c and k sounds are funny. Bodily function sounds always get laughs. Look at the campfire scene from Blazing Saddles where a group of outlaw gunmen sit around a classic campfire at night eating beans and audibly breaking wind. High-brow it's not, but it is still funny decades after Mel Brooks wrote and filmed it. Sounds are a bit more primal, but you can also use them in sophisticated comedy bits. Victor Borge did a bit about putting audible punctuation into everyday speech. He used a series of mouth pops, tongue clicks, and offbeat sounds to demonstrate commas, periods, and other assorted forms of punctuation. T h e result was a wonderful comedic symphony of goofy noises.

Misdirections Playing with the audience's expectations is a great way to get a laugh from even the most stubborn audience member. Misdirections leave your audience open to your emotional point of view and help you get a quick, honest laugh. Satire is the best form of misdirection. It's usually thought of as a literary work that holds up life's follies to ridicule. Some say this is purely a literary form, such as Voltaire's satiric masterpiece Candide. But it doesn't have to be. Abbott and Costello's "Who's on First?" routine is a modern satire that pokes fun at so many issues in society. Sure, there's all that wonderful word play, but it also makes fun of the athletes' nicknames and points out how poor communication skills make even the simplest conversations difficult. Surprise is the cornerstone of all misdirection. It allows you to present one set of circumstances and tie in a contrasting or opposing twist. Here's an example from my stand-up act: Last time I was around here I went hunting. I bagged a really huge deer while driving my Honda. T h e setup let the ending stay a surprise. Any more information and the joke wouldn't make sense. Any less and we wouldn't have enough to laugh at. Surprise jokes need to be carefully constructed with enough balance to hide the punch line.

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Exaggeration is a great tool for writing larger-than-life gags. Films such as Porky s, American Pie, and There's Something About Mary take exaggeration to new levels. T h e more visual the medium, the better exaggeration works. In a scene I wrote for a screenplay, the lead character goes to the drugstore to buy some condoms. When he gets there, his embarrassment begins to show. He worries who will see him. H e imagines himself in line. Surrounding him is a bevy of old ladies, children, and religious icons. When he gets to the counter, the cashier is a priest. Exaggeration works because it zeros in on the emotion and works its way out from there. It leaves nothing to chance. It tells the audience precisely what to feel.

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No Laughing Matter

Exaggeration can be tricky. There is a fine line between witty and silly. You have to keep the leaps in logic understandable so your audience stays with you. It's like playing the childhood game telephone. You start with "I lost a quarter," and end with "I was nearly murdered during a bank robbery." However, to get from one point to another, you need lots of little exaggerations to keep the audience with you.

Pop Culture References T h e final type of twist is also the most disposable one—pop culture references. Pop culture references rely on familiar themes and current trends to bring the comedy to the forefront. As times and tastes change, these themes can become dated. If you want to keep using this style of twist, you're going to have to be diligent about staying on top of cultural trends. Parody is a popular form of this type of twist. Most people think parody and satire are interchangeable, but they're not. Satire requires basic human understanding of a concept or an idea. Parody requires specific knowledge of a specific thing. Saturday Night Live sketches, Weird Al Yankovic songs, and Comedy Central's The Daily Show series are all parodies. Each requires that you know something—a person, melody, or style of reporting—they are lampooning. Without knowledge of what is being parodied, the jokes are not as fanny. Mangled cliches are another of this type of twist. T h e audience needs to know a popular cliche for this to be funny. Using the familiar is the style toastmasters, hosts, and MCs use often. This style requires that you use knowledge that's overly familiar to your audience to produce comedy specific to them. Oftentimes it comes out as insult comedy or inside jokes

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Part 2: Basic Comedy Construction and can take the form of criticism or sarcasm. But the key is the familiarity your audience has with the subject. If your audience is unfamiliar with it, they're not going to get the joke. Shock humor is the final type of pop culture twist. It does just that—shock. Comedians like Sam Kinison and Lenny Bruce used shock humor. So did some sitcoms like Married ... With Children. Perhaps the reigning king of shock humor is the "King of All Media," Howard Stern. The key is to say and do things so outrageous that the audience laughs out of nervous surprise. The problem with shock humor is that in order to shock, you will occasionally have to offend. Also, what's shocking now might not be a few years down the line. If you use shock only, the laughs might be short-lived. However, if your joke is shocking and also has a solid punch line, you have some timeless material. Funny Files Even the best humor pieces will seem dated after a while; however, using pop culture twists does shorten your joke's shelf life. For example, look at two Norman Lear shows, All in the Family and Maude. Both were televised at the same time, and both were family sitcoms. However, most of the humor on All in the Family came from the characters interacting with each other. Maude, on the other hand, used her battle against the pop culture issues of the day to get humor. Now, decades later, Maude seems outdated, while there's still life in All in the Family.

If a joke fails, the problem is probably in the twist. Try using different twists in your jokes. A simple change in your twist might help clarify your point of view and make the idea gel. Keep reworking it until the twist expresses your point of view as clearly to the audience as it does to you.

Keeping the Comedy Visual What happens if you want to write a visual form of comedy as opposed to verbal? Do the same rules apply? Absolutely! Laugh-In featured a bit in which a man in a raincoat rode a child's tricycle around Burbank, California. It always ended with the man and the bike tipping over. It's just a form of incongruity. The Benny Hill Show often opened with people chasing each other around at high speeds to the persistent sounds of the show's theme song. True, it was a fine example of silliness, but it also parodied television chase scenes.

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Even Charlie Chaplin used the Universal Joke Formula. In a scene in City Lights where he's desperate for money, he agrees to be a boxer for the night (subject). When he gets to the ring, he realizes he's afraid of his opponent (point of view), so he spends the majority of the fight running, ducking, hiding behind the referee, and even perfectly shadowing his opponent (twist). You need to keep the visuals moving. Without words to distract your audience, everything must move faster.

The Least You Need to Know • Anything that gets laughs uses the Universal Joke Formula. • A premise is the subject of the joke. • The point of view is the emotional tone of the joke. • The twist is the device you use to connect the subject with the point of view. • It's possible to use the Universal Joke Formula on any concept, even if it doesn't use any words. • Longer forms of comedy such as novels and plays explore multiple points of view to expand the comedy.

Comedy Writing Rules In This Chapter • T h e "punch word" •

Shorter is better

• Leading the audience with emotions • Expressing the importance of comedy As you start putting things together using the Universal Joke Formula, you're moving from concept to construction. I've always found that putting together a joke is almost as much fun as getting a laugh from it. What? With the way I've been breaking down everything, you thought I couldn't have fun writing comedy? You're dead wrong. I'm most productive when I'm having fun, and I have the most fun when I use comedy writing rules to keep me from making mistakes.

Clarity Is Everything Conform your drollery composition to its most unostentatious form. A better way to put this would be: Keep your joke construction simple.

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Part 2: Basic Comedy Construction Clarity is everything in comedy. When you cloud your jokes with language that makes the audience stop and think or when you use extra words they have to filter out, you're limiting the reaction you can get. You want the audience to have no time between receiving the joke and reacting to it. l b do this, you have to strip the joke down to its barest essentials and present it in a way the audience will not only understand but also embrace.

Simple Jokes for All Kinds of Folks Keep your audience in mind when you construct a comedy piece. The language you use to express your joke has to match the audience for which you intend it. A drunken member of a stag party might not understand all those fancy words you picked up from your thesaurus; likewise, the gang at Harvard might have an equally difficult time dealing with the latest street slang. Keep your language matched to the audience to keep them in their comfort zone. The less they have to think about, the more they can focus on your brilliant jokes.

More Better Language Was it a very good year or a real good year? Did she wear a pastel yellow dress or a neon yellow dress? When writing your jokes, say what you want to say with clarity of language. When choosing a particular word for a joke, keep these ideas in mind: • Can you use a better word to say this? • Does this word have any connotations you don't want in the joke? • Is this word visual? • Will your audience understand this word? • Are you comfortable using this word? • Does this word have a rhythm that enhances the joke? If the punch line of your joke is "It was so hot it was blistering" and all you need to convey in the joke is an extreme temperature, you might clarify the joke by using scorching or sweltering instead of blistering. Choosing the right word will help eliminate any and all confusion surrounding a joke. The right word will convey your thoughts more clearly and even help promote a natural cadence for a performer or a reader.

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Was it a nice day with lots of sun, or was it a bright, sunny day? T h e later creates a visual image that is easy to latch on to. When possible, be visual with your words to keep your audience's attention. Anything you can do to spark their imagination will help, especially if you're writing print comedy. Often, good timing is written into a joke, so take care to give each sentence a good flow. Keep in mind what rhythm your joke has. Think about whether a two-syllable word would work better than a three-syllable word. If you can create a good rhythm, the joke will fly better.

Language, Fair or Foul? How comfortable are you with profanity? Is it easy for you to write or do you hesitate while writing it? If you cannot use a word comfortably while speaking, don't use it in your writing. "Adult" language is not the only problem people might have with words in your jokes. If a word triggers a strong negative moral or emotional response, don't use it. If the sound of the word isn't pleasing to the ear, don't use it. If the audience doesn't know what a particular word means, don't use it. If you try to use these words, you could ruin the timing in the joke, lose the audience, and ultimately weaken the laugh. Find another word instead. T h e payoff will be worth it.

No Laughing Matter _ If your joke means to say that certain people are stupid and you use the word retarded, you've just added a connotation your joke might not be equipped to deal with. People have preconceived notions regarding some things, and certain words will trigger these notions. Avoid these words unless your joke is enhanced by or tackles these notions.

Huh? Whenever something is hard to follow, it's even harder for the audience to laugh at it. Keep the mystery and confusion out of your comedy, and make sure both the subject and your point of view are clear in your writing. If your audience has to wonder what you're talking about, they can lose interest quickly. Be sure you have verb-tense agreement. Do you have too many syllables between the premise and the punch line? Do you need to add words or play with the language to make this subject clearer? Take, for example, the first joke I wrote for my stand-up act: I hated my birthday. I remember when I was a kid, my parents blindfolded me, took me out to a beehive, gave me a stick, and told me the beehive was a pinata.

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P a r t Z : Basic Comedy Construction T h e joke was remarkably clear, but never got a laugh. Years later I muffed it on stage and it came out this way: Bag of Tricks

It's not always about keeping it short. If you're writing a bit about the health-care system, you might have to explain a few facts to the audience before they have enough information to augh.

/ hated my birthday. One year, my parents took me out to a beehive, gave me a stick, and told me it was a pinata. That version worked well. But when you examine it, it's not even grammatically correct. The word it in the second sentence refers to the stick. However, when something is meant to be performed, the audience allows liberties with the language and permits the writer to use inflection to help clarify the joke.

End on a Trigger Another time-honored rule of comedy writing is to end each joke on a trigger. You want the laughter-producing words or image to be the final words or image presented so you don't distract the audience from the punch line. It's not just stand-up comics or people who write comedy prose who end on triggers. T h e style of dialogue in vogue for sitcoms is call-and-response, or banter, dialogue. Each character presents a single punch line, and then the next character presents a punch line. They go back and forth for a while, each ending on a punch line. This style of dialogue only works if the laughter from the audience is used as the pause between characters. The only way to guarantee that the laughter will come between the lines is to place the trigger at the end of the joke.

Go All the Way Another important thing to remember about comedy writing is that it's not a place for line huggers. T h e audience responds to strong opinions and bold observations. If you write a political or social comedy and try to please too many people, you'll only succeed at making the bit a watered-down waste of time. If you're going to have a career as a comedy writer, you're going to need to separate yourself from the pack. T h e way you do this is simple—have a strong, truthful voice in your writing. Never hold back. If you're a unique voice in a sea of homogenized comedy, you'll stand out from the pack. Think of all the comics you know and like. Chances are, every one of them goes all the way.

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You cannot worry about the feelings or judgments of the audience. You shouldn't stomp on their feelings just because you can, but if your opinion sends them off in a tizzy, so be it.

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No Laughing Matter

Nothing kills a premise faster than a writer trying to please the audience. When you hold back in your writing, you tend to pull back too far and your audience won't have enough to latch on to. Instead of holding back to please an audience, do what the late comedian Bill Hicks did—write honest comedy and worry about who wil find it funny later.

Soul-Searching Comedy W h o knows what you want to say? Only you do. Only you can mine your core ideas and bring them to the surface. I'm sure each and every one of us became a comedy writer because we have something to say and we feel that comedy is the best way to express it. Getting to this core requires soul searching. We try to discover how to avoid being typical and just like every other comedy writer out there. When we bring our own inner truth to the page, we are writing from a place so personal and unique that no other person can say the same thing in the same way.

Wk}^ ^ ^(

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Comedy Pros

I asked Chris Mazzilli, former comedian and co-owner of Gotham Comedy Club in New York City, what he thought was the biggest mistake new comedy writers make. Chris, who sees hundreds of new comics and comedy writers a year, had this to say: A big, tell-tale sign for me is that their writing doesn't fit who they are. It's like they're writing what the audience wants to hear, rather than coming from an organic place. I see it all the time, and it never works.

Finding the truth is a long, ever-changing process. What is true for you now will not be true for you five years from now. As long as you grow, you change. Keeping your material in sync with your growth as a human being will keep it fresh, original, and honest. It will keep it yours.

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Part 2: Basic Comedy Construction Bag of Tricks Kumquats. Foxtrots. Some words just sound funny. When building your comedy, try to use funny-sounding words wherever possible. Funny words enhance the rhythm of the joke and also help keep it light. If you use comedy as a way to present your social commentary replacing one word for its funnier-sounding doppelganger will make that pointed observation much less barbed. Don't think so? Look at what Archie Bunker was able to get away with on All in the Family because his politically incorrect lines sounded ridiculous.

It's All About Emotions I've covered emotions earlier in the book, but let's look at the use of emotions as rules for comedy writing. You want your audience to see or hear your jokes, but you also want them to feel your jokes. You have to write the emotions into your jokes if you want to get emotions out of your audience. You have to keep an emotional intent behind every piece of comedy you pen. Keep in mind what you want your audience to feel, what they're supposed to laugh at. A good comedy writer will string together several jokes in a row that will make the audience feel a certain way. A great comedy writer will use the emotional mind-set he's put the audience in to his advantage. A comedy writer should know not only what he wants the audience to feel but also how to string those feelings together for maximum effect. Bag of Tricks If you've built some goodwill by stringing together some cheerful comedy, you can slip a bit of dark humor in there and get away with it. You could also string together the same cheerful comedy and use the momentum you've built to make the rest of the cheerful piece flow. Keep working the contrasts between what the audience feels and where you want to take them. Sometimes you can give them what they want but keep them on their toes by frequently pulling the rug out from under them.

Stay on Topic This is the little cousin of "clarity is everything." By staying on topic, you can present multiple punch lines on a single subject. Less setup means there's more economy of writing and, thus, crisper routines.

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Every time you switch topics, you have to state again the subject of your joke. If you go from topic to topic, there's no problem. However, when you return to an original subject, you have to set it up again. Most comedy writers forget this and go back and forth between subjects, wrongfully believing the audience is still following along.

Make It Matter Comedy is entertainment. You have to understand this concept before you can make a career out of writing comedy. There is competition for readers, viewers, and even customers in comedy clubs. The audience has to feel that the investment they're making is worth the time and money, so they have to feel that what they're experiencing is important—either to them or to you. It's up to you, as the writer, to convey that level of importance to the audience. The easiest way to do this is to make it important to the character who is sharing it with them. Either you, as the first-person voice of the bit, or your character need to have an investment in the subject. You have to make the audience feel, either by stating it or implying it, that the things you're dealing with in the comedy have repercussions. Another great device you can use as a comedy writer is to make the audience feel that the outcomes implied by the comedy affect their life. Nothing makes someone more emotionally connected to a subject than their own intimate involvement, complete with risk and reward. Of course you can't do this in storytelling genres, so in those instances, you should keep escalating the risks and rewards for the characters, to keep their excitement level high.

The Least You Need to Know • You have to match the words you use to the vocabulary of the audience. • If you're not comfortable using adult language, you probably won't use it well in your writing. • All comedy should end on a trigger. • Keep your comedy truthful. • Use the audience's emotions to set up your comedy. • If the audience doesn't feel something is important, they won't pay attention to it.

Chapter

Know What You're Talking About In This Chapter • Avoiding the bad premise • Knowledge is comedy •

Seven ways to make sure your joke doesn't suck

• Knowing your joke is funny A guy walks into a place, he meets someone else, and he does something. When hes finished, the second guy asks the first guy something about that thing he did. The first guy says something back. Funny, huh? What? Didn't get it? I guess the subject could have been clearer, but I figured you'd just follow along. You didn't follow? Oh. If you don't absolutely know what you're talking about, your audience won't know, either.

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The Premise You have turned your ideas into premises. You're sure you can make the premises funny in several ways. You want to start fleshing out the premises so you can form some comedy, but how do you decide which premises you should work on? As you sift through your list of premises, ideas should start to jump out at you. The concepts should have two qualities: • The subject should be broad enough for you to get a lot of different takes on it. • You should know the subject like the back of your hand.

Lots of Funny Roads Nothing beats having a premise that has a lot of different ways to make it funny. After all, why take the time to develop a very limited idea? You want to maximize your productivity, and you do that by choosing the broadest topics. I'm talking about a wealth of points of view (POVs), not necessarily a wide array of genres. The key to getting the most jokes out of a topic is to have a variety of ways to make it funny. That's true no matter what genre you work in. Be sure the angles you have work well together and that each premise drives you to both a complementing and contrasting point of view.

The Back of Your Hand You also have to know your subject as well as possible. A passing interest might yield a line or two, but intimate knowledge brings a wealth of comedic possibilities to the forefront. Let's take history, for example. If you have only a passing interest in and knowledge of it, you can only attack the surface issues. You can create jokes about basic history, a couple periods you're familiar with, and perhaps current events. If you're knowledgeable about the subject, you can talk about... • History as it applies to current events. • Neanderthals using tools. • The meaning of cave art. • Hindu priests discovering "zero."

Chapter!: Know What You're Talking About • Trigonometry being invented in ancient Greece. ^ » k _ J / • The Vandals invading Gaul.

^ ^ /

• The invention of eyeglasses. • The 100 Years' War taking 116 years to complete. • The Renaissance. • Peter Minuit purchasing Manhattan. • Oxygen being discovered in 1772. • The American Revolution. • The Civil War.

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"Every comedy writer needs to know his subject matter in order to bring out its most unique points," says Roger Paul, manager of writers and comedians at Spellman-Paul Entertainment in New York City. "With so many writers out there, an unspecific topic is bound to overlap with another comedy writer's work. Knowing your topic is the foundation that original comedy is built upon."

• Health insurance being introduced in Germany in 1883. • The Wright Brothers inventing the airplane. • World War I starting the same year the bra was invented. • The invention of the Internet. And the list goes on. Some jokes will write themselves: Health insurance was introduced in Germany in 1883. Two minutes later, someone said, "What do you mean I'm not covered?" Other jokes take more effort. All the jokes are about history, but by knowing the topic, you can be more specific and find more funny ideas. The knowledge also helps you present the jokes with more clarity. Of course, if you know a topic well, you can delve deeper and deeper into it. I presented one joke about health care, but a knowledgeable person on the subject might have milked out 20 to 30 lines about it. Information directly translates into punch lines.

One Is Okay I'm stressing that you should find topics that have a lot of directions for you to launch. However, what if there isn't more than one line for a topic? Write it anyway; just don't spend a lot of time developing it.

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Part 2: Basic Comedy Construction N o matter what genre you write in, the fact remains that very few comedy writers rise to the top of the earnings heap. If you want a shot at it, the single biggest factor to getting there will be your ability to produce material quickly. You don't have a lot of time to waste writing things with limited development potential. You have to make a choice as to what short things you can develop quickly and what will take too much effort. If you can churn out the one brief comedy bit quickly, go for it. If it takes too much effort, let it go.

Don't Suck When I started out as a stand-up, I had the pleasure of working with Sam Kinison. I asked him for some general comedic guidance, and he said, "Don't suck." Although not sucking was never a part of my conscious process to that point, it has been my creative fuel from the moment he said it. I've boiled "Don't suck" down into seven rules I always try to follow when developing a premise. Here they are.

Don't Suck—the Seven Rules 1. T h e premise must be original. 2. T h e premise must fit the audience. 3. T h e premise must have a level of excitement about it. 4. T h e premise must have humanity underneath it. 5. You must have the ability to make the audience understand the premise. 6. You must have an idea of which points of view best fit the premise. 7. T h e premise must have enough tangents to keep you from running out of jokes on the topic.

I use these seven rules to make sure my premise isn't bad. Each of the seven rules filters out those jokes that are boring or uninspired, inappropriate for the audience I'm writing for, inaccessible to or incomprehensible for the audience, meandering, or repetitious.

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Bag of Tricks One of the hardest lessons for me to learn as I writer was that I'm not objective about my work. I try very hard to live by the "Don't suck" rule, but ultimately I realize that I'm judging my work through the prism of my own tastes. Of course I wouldn't think my stuff sucks—I wrote it! Get other opinions—lots of other opinions. The quality of a comedy bit is measured by how many people like it. Get enough opinions from enough different people to make sure the masses know it doesn't suck.

Research Everything Whenever I start to write a premise, I research it. It doesn't matter how much I know about a topic or how personal it is to me, I always seek to add information before I start writing jokes. With more information come more ways to make jokes, which ultimately leads to more jokes. Comedy is subjective, and not everyone will laugh at everything, so more is definitely better. Researching is fine when you're talking about history or current events, but do you really need to research when you're writing an essay about going fishing with your dad? Absolutely! You can bring so much more depth to the subject by asking him questions about fishing. W h y does he want to go to a certain area to fish? What type of fishing does he like? How does that compare with other types of fishing? What kinds of bait does he like to use? You can research how other people would have felt about going fishing with their dads at the age you were in the story to get other points of view. To add an overview of the piece, write about the historical or sociological importance of a father and son going fishing. How has this affected your parenting skills? Do you think you'll take your own child? That's continuing perspective. As you write, remember that no subject is too personal for you to research before you write.

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No Laughing Matter Every subject can be improved with research, but it's possible to research something incorrectly. You don't necessarily want more facts and figures; you want information that brings you to more emotional pathways. Facts and figures are good for scholarly work, but they kill comedy and lessen the entertainment value of anything in the arts. Don't just bring flat data to the table; make the data vibrant or leave it out.

The Subject Isn't the Subject Keep in mind that you are actually writing about the emotions and not the subject. If you are going to get an emotional response—laughter—you need to create an emotional pathway with the jokes. Get as specific or as esoteric as you want to get. T h e details aren't as important as the emotions behind them. Look at the film Pretty Woman. Not many of us know what it's like to be a mega-rich playboy with a Peter Pan complex who is too emotionally fearful to fall in love. However, most of us can relate to falling short of our own expectations. We can also relate to falling in love. We can relate to having to choose between listening to our hearts and doing what we've always done. By infusing the subject of your premise with emotional subtext, you guarantee that your audience can understand the comedy at its most basic level.

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Comedy Pros

"You don't have to be in the Army to like Beetle Bailey," says cartoonist Jerry Craft, creator of the strip Mama's Boyz. "You don't have to be a Viking to enjoy Hagar the Horrible, and you don't have to be black to like Mama's Boyz or want to read it. You have to write the humor you see strongest and let the audience be a fly on the wall, seeing how these characters live."

Funny Focus T h e whole point of this chapter is helping you focus on your funny idea. If you understand what you're talking about, you should be able to simplify it enough for the audience to laugh. Remember, you don't want the audience to think. You want them to react. If you can get them to relate to the topics in an effortless way, they're free to laugh and enjoy themselves. T h e more focused your ideas are, the less your audience has to work.

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Distracted Art Form T h e majority of comedy is a distracted art form. Your audience will rarely be giving you its undivided attention. Sure, movies and theater demand the audience's fall attention. Also, we usually carve out undistracted time to read novels. However, comedy rarely gets our undivided attention. Sitcoms and other forms of comedy television have distractions built into them in the form of commercials. Also, you usually watch television with other people in your home, so by nature it is a social event. Cartoons and humor pieces are usually found in newspapers and magazines. Most newspapers are read over morning coffee or on the commute, so chances are you're very distracted. As for magazines, they're usually skimmed at the checkout line or perused at the doctor's office while you're muttering about the time you have to Bag of Tricks wait. If you have magazines in your home, The best way to write for a dischances are they can be found in the bathtracted audience is to understand room, and I don't really want to talk about the level of distraction. People the distractions in there. reading are less distracted than Radio is a background form of entertainment, so radio comedy is about as distracted as you can get. And stand-up comedy, at least on the club level, is the only art form designed to sell booze. Let's face it; museums don't have a two-drink minimum. With all these distractions working against you, you must keep your focus strong if you want to get laughs.

slightly inebriated people at a club watching a comic, so you have more freedom to be tangential when you're writing for the page than when you're writing stand-up comedy because the audience is less distracted.

Identifying the Funny Focusing your ideas has two steps. T h e first is identifying the funny. That shouldn't be hard, considering you've been doing that since at least Chapter 2, where you learned to ask "What's funny about this?" (You have been doing that, right?) If you have more than one answer, great! You want as much variety as possible when you write. Remember, the key is to be focused, which doesn't mean limited.

Clarifying the Funny To further focus your idea, you have to clarify the funny. If you find 16 funny things about mini-vans, just be sure each of those 16 things is pointed. "They're shaped

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P a r t Z : Basic Comedy Construction funny" isn't enough. Get specific about the shape or whatever area you find the humor in. You have to be specific to get an emotional reaction from the audience, so focus. If what you find funny about mini-vans is how many of them are in your neighborhood, make a specific analogy: First there was one mini-van on my block, now they're everywhere. Its an infestation. By making each reference or idea as specific as possible, you're tailoring the audience's perceptions and its reactions.

Organizing All This Information Another important yet often overlooked step in the writing process is organizing your information. You established your original premise. You researched it and clarified it, and now you feel you are ready to flesh out the topic. So how do you do that? Applying an organizational logic to the premise will help you find the structure for the comedy. Not the genre—you have to decide on that before you start writing—but the structure, because it applies to the development of the bit. For instance, I arranged the history example from earlier in the chapter, basically, in chronological order. So the structure of the bit might be as simple as the chronology, although I could as easily have organized the idea by region. Think of organization as the storytelling aspect of your premise. Organization creates order out of the random chaos of your ideas. Funny Files I was part of a sketch group in college. During rehearsal, our director would constantly stop us mid-sketch and make us "Take it from the top." Having a sarcastic need to lampoon his overuse of that phrase, I wrote a sketch in which we stopped the show and, for the benefit of our late-arriving guests, decided to take it from the top. But the top in this case was the Big Bang, and we presented funny historical vignettes that brought us to the present day. The "Take it from the top" phrase might have inspired the sketch, but the sketch was about history. Inspiration and subject don't always have to be linked.

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Be Sure You're Sure About the Joke One of the best pieces of advice I ever received about comedy writing was to put some distance between the initial formation of the idea and the fleshing out of the idea. When you first get the idea and you're forming it into a premise, you're excited. You're sure others will love it as much as you do, and you're chomping at the bit to develop it. Take a breather—an hour, a day, or whatever it takes to give you enough distance to be sure about the joke. It's hard enough trying to find the emotions within the premise that will make people laugh. Add to that writing selfishly and charging ahead toward the joke you want to hear, and you might overlook other avenues for laughter. After all, you don't want to write a joke that only you find funny. The object is to get other people to laugh at it. Bag of Tricks I try to have a 24-hour waiting period between getting an idea and fleshing it out. The idea has time to rattle around inside my brain and start to take shape. I tend to obsess about the good ideas, and ones that are only funny to me tend to fall out of my consciousness. This keeps my dedicated writing time more productive because I've subconsciously done a lot of the work already and I'm not wasting my time on limited ideas.

The Least You Need to Know • You need some distance to be able to objectively look at your premise. • Specific references direct the audience's attention. • The more focused your ideas are, the easier it is for the audience to laugh at your jokes. • Every subject, no matter how personal, can benefit from research. • If an idea takes too much effort to develop, move on to the next one. • Every premise should drive you to both a complementing and contrasting point of view.

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Exploring Your Point of View In This Chapter • Defining your comedic voice • Exploring emotions and states of being • Looking from multiple angles • Finding traits in emotions If you want to make your audience feel something, it has to know what you are feeling. You have to give the audience a pathway to the laugh. How do you do that? You use point of view (POV) to link an emotion to your subject. Almost any POV can lead to a laugh. Picking the right one can make your comedy great.

POV Defines Comedic Voice When you start to produce a wealth of material, people will notice your comedic voice or the style of comedy you produce. That style tends to follow you from genre to genre. Steve Martin had a certain offbeat quality when he performed stand-up comedy. That style followed him through his stage work, his screenwriting, and to his novels. Woody Allen's comedic voice is consistent from the

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Part Z: Basic Comedy Construction stage, through his scripts, and even to his short stories. People follow these artists, and buyers of comedy flock to them for their comedic voice. That comedic voice is defined through their POV.

Comedic Voice for the Staqe Performers such as stand-up comics and actors have the visual advantage when it comes to defining their comedic voice. Woody Allen's neurotic, nebbish style is undoubtedly helped by the way he looks. N o matter what character he plays, he always seems a bit crumpled and uncomfortable. We "see" his comedic voice as well as hear it. That doesn't mean a performer's style isn't defined by words as well. Each emotion or P O V you infuse into your comedy dictates word selection. You use different words when you're angry than you would if you were lonely.

Comedic Voice for the Page When you are writing something people will read (as opposed to material a stand-up would deliver or a sitcom script), you must be even clearer with your intent because you don't have the visuals—inflection, body language, etc.—you'd have on stage to demonstrate the comedic voices. On the page you only have words. You have to write the visuals. Make every word count.

Comedic Voice for the Purely Visual Joke Visual humor presents a particularly difficult challenge when it comes to the comedic voice. Defining a P O V from the physical actions of a character is difficult; however, upon closer inspection, the P O V is as prevalent as it is in verbal comedy. The trick when writing for visual jokes is to keep the emotions that fuel the physical action consistent. Think about the / Love Lucy episode in which Lucy was working on the candy assembly line. All Lucy's actions came from her need to be able to do the job—a.k.a. pride. Were there other emotions or points of view in there? Yes, to some degree. But the driving force for that piece of comedy was pure pride. The key is for the P O V to motivate the visual. T h e intent behind the action defines the P O V for visual jokes.

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Funny Files What a character can do with his or her body or with small props is physical comedy. Visual comedy is larger in scale, which is why it's usually limited to film. Often, the humor can come from the framing of a shot alone. Buster Keaton's film Steamboat Bill, Jr. includes a legendary comedy stunt in which the front of a building collapses over Keaton, who passes unharmed through a small open window. Where's the POV? Simple—it's in Keaton's reaction. The building collapsing on its own would be tragic. Keaton's character surviving because he passes through the window is miraculous. It's in the relaxed reaction of the character, who merely accepts this miracle as fact and continues on his journey, that we have context, POV, and comedy.

Basic Emotions Emotions are the basic things each person feels during the course of his or her life. Emotions exist within all of us, and we each have unique triggers for each emotion. For example, my wife, Leighann, is rarely jealous. If we bump into an ex of mine, my wife doesn't get jealous. If a pretty woman talks to me, Leighann is fine. However, if I get an e-mail from a woman, any woman, things are not as cool in my home. Apparently there is something about the Internet that feels secretive to her and, thus, triggers that emotion in my wife. I, on the other hand, become jealous if there is another man in the same zip code as my wife. It takes less to trigger jealousy in me than it does in Leighann. Everyone has different emotional triggers. Although everyone reacts to emotions differently, certain traits are common to every emotion.

Emotions Come from Within Emotions come entirely from within a person. Every person has within him the feelings to laugh, cry, be angry, be jealous, etc. The emotions are there, just waiting for a trigger to activate them. That trigger varies from person to person, as does the degree Bag of Tricks of intensity with which a person feels If you're creating a character each emotion. As a writer, you can play with a character's emotions, triggers, and the degree of intensity until you come up with the perfect balance.

for a longer piece of writing such as a film or novel, keep the emotion and intensity levels consistent throughout the piece.

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(hanging Behavior It takes a lot to get me angry, but when it happens, I don't have room for anything else. Ever been in love? I'm talking that just-beginning love when nothing else matters. Emotions change the way you do anything, from your plans for the day to how you think about something or someone. If you're writing a romantic comedy, you will undoubtedly have the emotion (love) permeate all aspects of the character's life. But remember to apply that to all other forms of comedy writing, too. If you're writing stand-up and your character's emotion is happy, let that character be happy about things that should anger him. You can write an angry passage about the person you love for a humorous essay. Sometimes the contrast between the emotion and the subject matter propels the funny.

Emotional Triggers Although emotions exist within us, they need help to get "activated" or out of an inactive state. Sure, every writer and comedic character has a general personality ("He's not a very up person"); however, for an emotional shift or to get those emotions flowing, we need some Bag of Tricks external force to trigger them. Link the same premise and POVs with different emotional triggers. By trying different emotional triggers, you can find the most direct way to lead the audience from the premise to the POV. After all, you want the audience to feel the joke, so finding the best way to trigger that feeling is a good way to spend your writing time.

So although the emotion comes from within the person, the person needs an outside catalyst to help bring out that emotion. True, there are people who are predisposed to being angry; however, there needs to be an event that they're angry about. In case you haven't put it together yet, we're talking about the premise. Remember rule number one is that your comedy has to be about something. Now that something is going to trigger a point of view or an emotion. That's how you tie things together.

Emotions Are Intense Emotions are good fuel for writing comedy because of the intensity they bring to the table. When you feel an emotion, you feel it to a large degree. Your audience is the same way. When you successfully write an emotion into a joke, the audience is able to understand it. They are able to identify with it because most likely they have felt it in their own life. They can feel the emotion rather than just know it or hear you tell about it.

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Everyone Is Different Emotionally Now we get to the core of why comedy writing can sometimes be hard. Everyone reacts differently, emotionally, to events and people in his life. Two people might both feel grief, but person A reacts by withdrawing and person B reacts by lashing out. Be consistent when creating your comedic voice. Be sure that whenever you're writing comedy based on a particular emotion, you react on the page in a way that's consistent. If you're writing characters, for example, be sure each reacts in a way that's consistent with himself yet different from the other characters. If you have person A, who withdraws while grieving in one part of your writing, be sure that same person isn't lashing out while grieving in another part of your work.

No Laughing Matter It's sometimes hard to predict the audience's response because we all react to emotions differently. Recently a friend and I were watching a sitcom in which a larger character was bullying the lead character. All the jokes came out of the lead character's fear reactions. Fear is an emotion I rarely feel or give in to, so I didn't laugh much at the jokes. My friend, however, was in stitches. Vary the emotions you use to produce comedy or you might lose a portion of your audience that doesn't respond to a particular feeling as strongly as you do.

Multiple Emotions Most everyone feels a wide array of emotions about each and every subject. You might be in love, but that also makes you feel fortunate, satisfied, desirous wanting of being a caretaker, and feeling the need to brag about the good thing you have. And those are just the surface emotions! Dig deeper, and you might find an underbelly of emotions to explore. That people feel multiple emotions is such a useful advantage for you as a writer. You can constantly work each emotional nuance to produce longer and less-repetitive comedy.

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No Laughing Matter _

Take advantage of the multiple emotions your characters and your audience feel. If you only work with the single surface emotions, you risk your material seeming one-note and boring. The deeper you dig, the harder the audience will laugh.

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State of Being The flip side of emotion is state of being. Although not an emotion exactly, a state of being affects the way a person reacts to something or someone. Oftentimes, a state of being triggers strong emotions. For our purposes, the audience reacts to states of being as strongly as they do emotions, so we treat them as if they were emotions. A state of being can be a condition thrust upon a comedic character, such as pressure or being stalked. You never feel "stalked," but the pressure from being stalked can make you agitated, scared, etc. Your character can also have a state of being he does to himself, such as getting drunk. Although there is no exact emotion that being drunk provides, there is a behavior associated with drunkenness. That's a state of being. When you combine emotions with states of being, you have the gamut of points of view available to work with. The POVs you use with the most frequency define your comedic voice.

Don't Suck, Part Two I pointed out in Chapter 7 that there are things you can do to be sure the idea you are writing about doesn't suck. You can do the same thing with the POVs you apply to those premises. Here's how. Make Sure Your POVs Don't Suck—the Seven Rules 1. The POV must be honest. 2. The POV must have a logical link to the premise. 3. The POV must be active. 4. The POV must be identifiable to the audience. 5. Wherever possible, the POV must be uncommon. 6. You must be able to flow freely from one POV to another shade within the premise. 7. The POV of each joke must fit an overall tone within your comedic voice.

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Be Honest This one's easy: Write what you know. If your premise is "the ice cream truck" and that subject has always made you happy, it will be hard to write a joke about it making you angry. Being honest about the P O V for each subject gives your joke a "real" feel.

Link the POV to the Premise There are only so many places you can go within a premise. When you're writing about ^pX V Comedy Pros a baseball game, your POVs may be nostalgic, happy, excited, or even envious toward Lou Viola works in talent ^ ^ r the athletes. However, if you want to throw development for NBC and also has been involved with The frightened into the mix, you're going to need Aspen Comedy Festival from its to build a bridge to explain why you feel inception in 1995. He had this frightened about baseball games. Your audito say about being honest: ence will need to know a little background if The essence of comedy for the connection isn't an obvious one. You can link any P O V to any premise, as long as the audience can follow your logic. Remember, though, to pay attention to the order of the shades of emotions I talked about earlier as you use emotions to flesh out your premise. Make sure those also go in a logical order your audience can follow.

me is how honest it is. Is the comedy telling the truth as I know it? If you can see the truth in something, you can see the humor in it.

Bag of Tricks Whenever I'm writing comedy, I lay out the POVs I'm considering using to try to build a bridge. Going from point A to point B in logical steps before I start to flesh out the comedy gives me more freedom to exaggerate the twists I'll eventually use. Because the audience follows the logic of the POVs, they have the freedom to believe exaggerated twists if I lay out the steps for them.

Make Your POV Active Just as your English teachers always told you to make sure your writing was active rather than passive, when you start to think of your POV, take some time to make sure it is active, too. You want your writing to be entertaining, and keeping your P O V active makes it easier to entertain the audience.

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Part 2: Basic Comedy Construction Some emotions or states of being reflect wholly on the subject. When you're sulking, you're not involving much of the outside world. You're keeping in your emotions. That's a passive emotion. However, if your depression causes you to lash out instead of sulk, that's an active emotion. You're involving more than just yourself in your emotion. You're sharing it with others. Passive emotions might be good to fuel a joke or two, but an active emotion keeps the audience engaged longer.

"I Get It!" If you've been paying attention, you know that a major part of your comedy writing success depends on your audience identifying with what you're saying. They have to understand what you're trying to convey emotionally and "get it" before they can laugh. You can help your audience identify with your material—and laugh at it—by presenting it clearly, with nothing distracting or confusing.

Make It Uncommon You want your audience to identify your point of view, but when possible, you want your P O V to be uncommon. Yes, ^ c o m m o n . Take a car wreck, for example. It's probably common that this event would make you feel afraid. Your audience can identify with that. However, there's not nearly as much comedic potential with that as there would be if the car wreck made you feel nostalgic. Both emotions are identifiable to the audience, but by choosing the uncommon one, you can take the audience by surprise. T h e more off-balance they are, the more they have to react as opposed to think and, thus, are more likely to laugh.

Give Yourself Some Wiggle Room If you're building a bit, you want to make each joke stronger than the previous one. Some emotions are so strong or so definitive, though, that they can stop a premise dead in its tracks. If you pick a P O V that's too strong, you leave yourself no wiggle room to flow from one shade to another. Order the different shades of emotions from each premise so the audience takes an emotional journey. Remember, before the extremes, you have a whole prism of emotions to explore.

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Be Sure It Fits Once you start to assemble your comedy bits from your premises, take a minute to be sure the tone of the joke fits the overall tone of your comedic voice. Your product is ultimately your comedic voice, so be sure your voice is consistent. Even if your joke is great, if it doesn't match the feel of the comedy you're creating, dump it.

^mA^^Jy Comedy Pros

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Chris Mazzilli, owner of Gotham Comedy Club in New York City and a former stand-up comic, says this about being sure your POV fits your comedic voice: A tell-tale sign for me that the comedy doesn't work is that the writing doesn't fit the character as the audience knows it. It's like the writer is trying to please the audience instead of writing from an organic place, and it never works.

Try Something New You will undoubtedly go to the same states of being over and over as you develop your comedic voice. Some consistency is necessary and vital, but change things from time to time to avoid repetition. Be sure your POV choices fit the comedic character you're creating, but vary those choices. Don't just rely on your first instincts all the time. Research emotions and states of being the same way you'd research facts for a premise. When you're creating a bit and examining your first instincts, think about which emotions or states of being best complement your bit's overall POV If "tired" is the overall P O y irritable, distracted, and tense would probably also complement your POV That's how you start to shade the POVs. By choosing complementing POVs, you, in essence, build a story. You build an emotional journey for your audience to follow. You should also come up with contrasting POVs. The jolt the audience experiences as you go from emotional extreme to emotional extreme will hold their attention because you force them to examine their own extremes.

The Least You Need to Know • Emotions come entirely from within a person and need triggers to be activated. • States of being are external forces that affect a comedic character.

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Part 2: Basic Comedy Construction • Emotions combined with states of being create the comedic POV—the driving force behind all comedy material. • A strong POV helps you make your audience understand and identify with your material. • The POVs you use most define your comedic voice.

Let's Twist Again In This Chapter • Expanding jokes with twists • Surprising with twists • Exaggerating with twists • Using the truth as a comedy twist By now you know that comedy has to be about something and that something has to have a strong POV. Every speech you've ever heard has these two elements. So does just about every story. T h e difference for you as a comedy writer is that you want to get laughs—and lots of them. What distinguishes comedy from other forms of writing is the twist. T h e twist is the magical trigger comedy writers use to make sure the audience laughs. Skillfully fitting the perfect twist into a joke can make the difference between thunderous laughter and awkward silence.

Choosing the Right Twist In Chapter 5,1 discussed some popular twists, the device comedy writers use to produce laughter from an audience. Twists are the missing pieces of

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No Laughing Matter _

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Please do not settle on just any twist. It's no less important than any other part of the joke. If anything, it's the most important part of the joke. Create many twists for one idea, then see which one works best.

the comedy puzzle and are as integral to the joke as either the premise or the point of view. All too often, writers spend so much time pinpointing the premise and fine-tuning the POV that they settle for the first twist that comes to mind. You have to put in as much effort in creating the twists as you do in any other part of the joke.

Putting In an Effort This effort applies not only to choosing the proper twist but also to making the twist as specific as possible. Let's look at a joke from my stand-up act as an example: The only amusement park ride that's more fan now that we're adults than when we were kids is bumper cars. There's something about fighting rush-hour traffic for a decade that makes you want to hospitalize an adolescent. T h e twist I chose to use here is exaggeration. Obviously it would be pretty hard to hospitalize someone no matter how aggressively you drove the bumper car. However, the image is clearly painted. You, as an adult, are driving aggressively; your nemesis in this case is the adolescent driver—a perfect visual and emotional image. I could have kept the joke more realistic and written it this way: The only amusement park ride that's more fun now that we're adults than when we were kids is bumper cars. There's something about fighting rush-hour traffic for a decade that makes you want to hospitalize a kid. More kids drive the bumper cars than adults. But because the feel of the joke is aggressiveness and the visual painted is of a full-grown adult in one bumper car, using the word kid in the punch line lowers the likeability of the joke teller and weakens the joke. The joke is simply about being aggressive in the bumper car track; so let's try it again, this time being a bit more generic: The only amusement park ride that's more fun now that we're adults than when we were kids is bumper cars. There's something about fighting rush-hour traffic for a decade that makes you want to hospitalize someone.

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Although not as mean as the kid version, this still isn't as good as the first version. Why? It's not as pointed. Adolescent gave us a better-defined villain for the joke. This generic version fails to paint a picture, and because of that, this version would produce a weaker laugh.

No Laughing Matter Be aware that whenever you read or hear something, you visualize it. So does your audience. Keep in mind what images your words are creating for them. Film and television writing instructors drill the importance of writing visually into their students, but other genres don't pay nearly enough attention to this idea. Take the time to analyze the visual aspects of your words. Can you present a stronger image by using a different word? The smallest change can make the difference in how much laughter something gets, so pay attention to even the smallest detail.

Choose the right details of the twist so your joke won't just be good, it'll be unmistakable. Anything short of that is unacceptable.

Making an Effort As a comedy writer, you also need to make an effort when choosing your twist. All too often, jokes will come to you as complete thoughts—twist included. Don't just accept that. Take some time and apply some other twists to your joke to make sure the one you've chosen is the best one. It might well be the one that came to you first, but try others before you decide. Here are two early drafts of the same joke: The amusement park ride that's more fan now that Vm an adult? Bumper cars. You can get out your frustrations. You can channel your aggressions. You can hospitalize an adolescent. I love bumper cars. When you're a kid driving one you don't realize how good you have it. But now, after fighting rush-hour traffic for a decade, Pm gonna drive my car like a bwnper car. These are essentially the same joke as the one I used earlier in the chapter. They'd each get a good laugh. T h e first of these two versions uses "things in threes" as its twist (get out your frustrations, channel your aggressions, and hospitalize an adolescent), and the other one uses a simple juxtaposition (driving your car like a bumper car).

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When I write jokes, I tend to keep a list of twists nearby. Then, when I'm fleshing out the material, I rewrite the joke using each twist. I keep the list by my side, to be sure I don't overlook a twist that could lead to the perfect ioke.

Although all three jokes have the same concept and the same emotions, neither has the punch the earlier version has. Why? Because each has different wordings and the wordings count. Comedy writing isn't an easy art form. Working and reworking pieces until you are sure you have the best possible twist is an important part of the process.

Surprise! T h e modern comedy audience can often almost guess where you are headed, so be sure your twist comes as a surprise. You want them to be off-balance when they're taking in your comedy. You don't want them to be uncomfortable and, thus, distracted necessarily, but ^ S | £ ! _ _ J / Comedy Pros you don't want them to be able to predict where ^~( "The typical audience has you're going with your joke, either. If they guess grown up exposed to so much correctly, they become bored and look for somecomedy that it's very hard to come up with something that is surpristhing else to entertain them. ing to people," says Bret Watson, a comedy writer and former editor in chief of Stuff magazine. How has this affected comedy writers? Brett continued, "I think that's why so much [comedy] has gone in the direction of shock humor."

However, at the other end of the extreme—isn't there always an other end?—if the audience is too surprised, they start trying to piece together the writer's logic and are too busy thinking to laugh. As you craft your jokes, it's important for you to bring the proper amount of balance into the process.

Misdirection Revisited I discussed misdirection as a twist in Chapter 5. As a good comedy writer, you will discover—if you haven't already!—that you can turn almost any twist into misdirection. You need to distract your audience in order to create a surprise. You can do that with misdirection in the logic of your joke, which is classic misdirection, or you can do it through simple word play and funny sounds.

Exaggerated Reactions Even when you are not trying to misdirect the audience, you usually wind up misdirecting them. T h e easiest way to do this is by exaggerating the reality of the joke.

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Let's face it—rarely is there a straight statement of fact in comedy, so when you're looking to "tell the truth," more often than not, it's an exaggerated truth. I finally figured a way to tell ifFm using the machines at the gym correctly. If what Vm doing leaves me in total agony, Vm using them correctly. Do the machines leave me in total agony? No. I'm sure there's a level of agony greater than the soreness I feel after 20 minutes on a stationary bike. However, anyone who works out knows one does get sore. I'm just exaggerating the truth. W h e n I started performing stand-up comedy, my day job was cooking at a diner. I tried to do exaggeration-based jokes about the heat in the kitchen in my stand-up routine. They never worked. Why? Because most people don't work in restaurant kitchens, they judged my joke by how hot their home kitchen would get, which isn't the same reality. Funny Files If you're writing about an experience that's not in the mainstream and you want to use exaggeration, you have to first explain to the audience everything it needs to know to get the joke. This added exposition will make your bits longer, and the setup may be very wordy. You need to have killer punch lines for this style to work. Want a shortcut? Use comparisons to common experiences to make your uncommon experience understandable.

For exaggerated truths to work, the truth has to be widely accepted. If not, try a different twist.

Nothing but the Truth How come, no matter how much sleep I get, when I wake up in the morning Fm still tired? On a rare occasion, if the truth is universal enough, you can make a straight statement and get a laugh. Occasionally the audience just wants someone to recognize the truth as they know it to be. If you tap into that truth, you get a laugh of recognition. However, if you do this too much, the audience starts to become bored. A comedy audience needs to be challenged a little. If you spend too much time in the audience's comfort zone, it will tune you out. Make the audience emotionally aware of something new on occasion, to keep them on their toes.

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Nix It Up Once you find a twist style you like and have success with, find another one! Yes, that's right. Don't always use the same type of twist. Look at the twist list in Chapter 5, and use all those twist types in your joke repertoire. The last thing any comedy writer can afford is for his or her comedy to become so predictable that the audience knows what's coming. Yes, a comedy writer wants to build a style, but her comedic voice should define the style rather than her repetition of comedic twists. All too often, comedy writers will try to make the jokes sound similar in style, when actually they should instead be similar in tone.

Clear Twists As a comedy writer, part of your job is to make sure that whatever twists you use, your audience clearly understands the joke. That's comedic intent. Now let's examine the flip side of your twists: the audience's perception is what will define the clarity of the piece. Look at it logically. The twist is the device you use to make your audience understand your premise and POV If you fail to influence your audience's perception, your twist fails. Use this brief checklist to be sure your twists are clear: • The logic from premise to punch line is easy to follow. • An emotional element lies within your twist. • The joke gets a laugh. This last one is a biggie. Laughter is everything to a comedy writer. Never underestimate its importance. Bag of Tricks You want someone to be able to explain to you why he thinks your joke is funny. If he comes up with the reason you intended, you know your twist worked perfectly. However, on occasion, when someone explains one of my jokes to me, he's laughing for entirely different reasons than I intended. I call these moments "happy accidents." After all, even if he's laughing for reasons I didn't intend, I still get credit for being funny.

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Twists on Top of Twists One of the great things about using the Universal Joke Formula (UJF) to write jokes is that it creates a style that's ripe for layering jokes upon jokes. You can take a single premise and POV, then express that with more than one twist. This is an easy way of milking a few extra laughs from bits when other comedy writers think the premise is finished. Comedy writers use three styles to layer twists: • Toppers • Tags • Callbacks

Toppers When you are at the end of a bit and you have an afterthought that is funny in its own right, that's a topper. Usually, the topper will be a stronger joke than the one that inspired it. Stand-up comics and sitcom writers use toppers quite frequently. Toppers are particularly good because they constantly build laughs, which give your comedy a feeling of momentum.

Taqs If a twist would not get a laugh on its own but does get chuckles when it rides on the coattails of the previous twist, that's a tag. A tag is a dangerous prospect because the twist isn't strong enough to survive on its own, so more often than not, these lines get fewer laughs than the ones before them. Funny Files As a comedy writer, you generally want to build laughs. Tags generally do the opposite, so most comedy writers tend to avoid them. However, tags do serve a function when you're writing longer forms of humor. When you're writing a novel or a play, for example, you go through multiple tones in your writing. It's the rare piece that's just sustained laughter throughout. Since you sometimes need to change the pace as you tell the story, tags are good for this. They are an effective way to bridge the gap between pure, side-splitting comedy and storytelling.

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PartZ: Basic Comedy Construction If you use tags, remember to keep your sentence structure short. The premise isn't restated in a tag, so you have to get to the laugh quicker. If you don't, the audience might just turn off to the bit.

Callbacks When you reference a previous piece of comedy in your current bit, you're using one of the most effective forms of comedy—the callback. Audiences eat up callbacks, and the laughter is tremendous. That's assuming, of course, that they liked the original reference. When you create your callback, be sure to base it on something you think the audience will love. You should also make the callback removable so if an editor or live audience doesn't share your love for it, you don't have to reference it again. Remember, the bit needs to be funny in its own right and not just because you're reliving a previous funny moment. Bag of Tricks Also, be sure there's enough room between the original bit and the time you call it back into the piece. If you're writing a 300-word article, you might not have enough space to make the callback effective. Forcing a square peg into a round hole is just as bad as writing a bad joke, so be sure the callback fits stylistically.

The joke you call back to needs to be special, too. It has to have a strong POV, a visual, or an easily identifiable quality so that when you reference it again, the audience immediately remembers it. Most callbacks fail because they rely on jokes that are too ordinary to stick in the audience's mind. Look at your writing. Are there phrases or opinions that are so strong you believe the audience will retain the joke for a good chunk of time? If there are, are there places to call back the previous joke in them? If you think so, write the callback and see how the audience responds.

The Least You Need to Know • Use the twist to make your audience understand your joke. • Choosing the right twist is as important as picking a strong premise or POV • The wording of the twist affects the joke. • Most twists are a form of misdirection. • Exaggeration works as a twist only if the subject you're exaggerating is widely accepted as truth. • Layering twists on top of twists gets more laughs out of a premise.

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Congratulations! It's Funny In This Chapter •

Connecting your joke to your comedy style

• Writing jokes from scratch • Presenting your jokes • Making the audience laugh You've broken down each joke to its basic parts and micromanaged your premise to the point where you've lost all hope that it'll ever be funny. Don't fret. You're only steps away from putting it all together and seeing developed bits instead of raw concepts.

Putting Together the Elements You have the Universal Joke Formula (UJF) down pat, don't you? So now what? Now you need to look beyond just writing jokes and start writing something. Pick a genre and add overall comedic concept. What is this joke a part of? Is it an isolated one-liner, or do you need to include it in a story to have context? Where you put the jokes will influence how you write the joke. Right now, as you're putting together the elements, you need to keep in mind where the joke will go so you can write it effectively for that genre.

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Funny Is Not Always Funny But shouldn't a joke be able to work no matter what genre it's in? N o t exactly. Jokes are defined by the POV, and in some cases, the P O V may not translate from genre to genre. Also, the way you have to word the joke varies as you change genres. Although the concept might be funny, if you don't tailor what you're doing, the joke might not work.

Some Jokes Are Stronger Than Others A sad fact of comedy writing is that not every joke can be brilliant. Sometimes there is a lull in the laughter. Most comedy writers fear this lull, but great comedy writers use this lull. Comedy is about rhythm. We create rhythm, and the audience trusts in and follows along with the rhythm. Lulls allow the comedy writer to effortlessly change the pace, style, or tone of a piece and create a new comedy feeling for the audience. No Laughing Matter _ If you want to create rhythm, why on Earth would you want to change it? Because there's a fine line between rhythm and repetition. It doesn't matter if the repetitiveness comes from the premise, twist style, or overall comedic pacing; it's never good.

Using the strength of your jokes to create swings in the comedic flow allows you to give your written comedy a performance feel. It brings your comedy to life. Think about great jazz or classical music. Every work has to have variations in themes and tempo to make it interesting. Sure, there are parts to every piece you'll like more, but it's how the whole piece works together that makes it a classic. T h e same thing works with your comedy writing. Funny Files

Jokes are given context by the stories they are attached to. It's the same with things that seem like random one-liners. Comics bunch their jokes into routines to give them a stronger foundation. Essay writers might be giving opinions, but the jokes in their essays all stem from these opinions. If you have an isolated one-liner, either build a bit around it or put it aside until you come up with more jokes on the same subject.

Is It Really a Great Joke If You're the Only One Laughing? Of course every comedy writer wants his or her jokes to be funny, but he sometimes forgets that they need to be consistently funny. Not every joke has to be a home run, but every joke has to work to some degree—and there are many degrees.

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I have a friend who has been called a "humorist." Nothing makes him angrier. He feels that whenever people use this title, they're talking about someone who isn't quite funny enough to be a comedy writer. Much of the industry thinks along these same lines. You don't want to be humorous; you want to be a solid comedy writer, someone who is putting together jokes, using rhythms to convey comedy ideas, and making sure there are enough jokes to satisfy a comedy-starved audience. You also have to be sure to test your comedy before you unleash it professionally. Comedy is about the reaction the material gets, not about the writer satisfying his need to say something.

Bag of Tricks Before I submit my material to any market, I test it, usually with a three-person test. The first person is another writer, and usually that person winds up telling me if he thinks the piece is structurally sound. The second person is an industry professional whom I'm friendly with. That person usually judges the comedy on how well it fits the market. The third person I use is an ordinary person such as someone who would be a comedy audience member. That person usually tells me if he thinks my joke is funny or not. Without fail, the person with the most accurate advice is the audience member.

Sure, your comedy is funny to you. It has to be. But you still need to test it to see how other people will react to it. If you put it in front of a publisher, editor, producer, or audience without testing it, you might be burning a professional bridge. Have at least one other person put his or her eyes—and ears—to it before you unleash it on the world.

Matching Your Joke to Your Comedy Style There is genre (sitcoms, personal experience essays, stand-up, etc.), and there is style. Your style of comedy is directly related to the overall voice of the project you're working on. American Pie and Some Like It Hot are both comedy films, but they have radically different comedy styles. T h e jokes in Some Like It Hot would be considered too tame for American Pie, and a joke in the style of American Pie would stick out like a sore thumb in Some Like It Hot. When you are creating a comedy work, you have to match the jokes to the overall tone of the piece. It's not just a generational thing. Analyze That and Stuck On You both came out in 2003; however, each has a radically different comedic flair. It comes down to P O V and the way you want to make things funny, and is not just a product of the times.

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Part 2: Basic Comedy Construction Don't look to mask something with placement or take pains to make sure it really fits. Keep in mind that the overall tone of a comedy piece is what attracts people and they will turn off if that tone is broken, no matter how good the joke might be.

Fine-Tuning Your Presentation T h e individual pieces must be pulled together. If you're writing a story-based comedy, you need to fit the comedy into the story. If you're writing an essay, you need to fit the jokes into the logic of the piece. If you're writing stand-up comedy, you have to work the joke into your act's overall sensibility. Great jokes are not enough. There has to be a presentation to it. That presentation is what distinguishes the "comedy writer" from the "joke writer." But don't worry, I'm not going to leave you in the dark on how to make your presentation great. Six Steps to Better Comedy Presentation 1. All the jokes in the piece must be related by theme. 2. Each joke must be funny on its own. 3. Together, the piece must have a flow. 4. T h e tone of each individual joke must complement the overall tone. 5. T h e tone of the piece must work for the genre. 6. T h e piece must have a logical conclusion that satisfies the audience.

That doesn't sound too complicated, does it? Let's look at each idea in a little more detail.

Relative Jokes There has to be a reason why you've grouped these jokes together. For longer forms of comedy writing, that reason will be the story or essay itself. For shorter types of comedy, you'll group your jokes together by theme. Theme is the overall logic that can tie together mildly related topics. Jokes about gumballs, artillery, and fountain pens can be linked if you can find a common thread that connects all three. You could talk about the invention of each item, for example.

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The key is to use a similar launching point for each topic before tangentially exploring the other ideas this subject brings up.

Funny on Its Own Everything you write with the intention of being funny must be able to stand on its own in the comedy arena. If you need to like and understand a previous line in the bit for a second joke to work, that joke's chances of working drop. What if someone tunes in late in the act? What if someone enters your comedy club mid-bit? What if someone only came across the latter part of your article? As a comedy writer, you want your audience to want to catch the parts they missed. But first you have to make them laugh at the parts they did catch. By writing material that is funny on its own, no matter how many laughs the bit before got, you increase your chances of success.

Together, the Piece Has a Flow Your audience has to feel that they're being entertained. You need to give them a strong, logical flow so they feel like they've been on a journey. If the piece jerks the audience from POV to POV and doesn't take the time to bridge the gaps, your audience will turn you off. You need segues, those small lines that get you from point A to point B seamlessly. Smooth segues are transparent, unnoticeable, and nonjarring to your audience and material. When they're done poorly, you notice them—and they'll make you cringe.

Complement the Tone Just as round pegs need to go in round holes, each of your jokes needs to fit nicely within the overall piece. Each joke has to be reflective of the general tone you're writing. It's all too easy to get married to a particular joke and want to present it in the first way you wrote it. You can do any joke with almost any POV in any piece. You can have a dark line in an upbeat comedy piece as long as you make the effort to play with the wording and imagery of the joke. You can mask its jarring nature by smoothing out the rough edges, and the audience will accept it.

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How important is it for your jokes and tone to work together? According to Chris Young, director of talent development for Comedy Central: A clear tone [and] a strong point of view that comes out in every joke of a bit [are] what separate great comedy from average comedy. When someone's focus comes out in every line and they have a very strong point of view on whatever they're talking about, I think that sets them apart.

Match the Tone to the Genre For the most part, any tone will work with any genre, as long as the tone is consistent. Most writers forget this and try to write a tone they think a genre needs. You do, however, have to match the tone of your piece to your genre's market. N o t all humor pieces are created equal. A humor piece for The New Yorker and one for Stuff magazine are both the same genre, but the writing rules are vastly different. Go beyond pure genre and break it down into market as well. Of course, there are some tones that rarely work in certain genres. Slapstick is a primarily visual tone and doesn't work well on radio. Sarcasm is difficult to bring to the printed page. Use common sense to decide when something's wrong for the genre.

The End T h e biggest problem I see new comedy writers have is that they don't end their bits; they stop them. Their comedy pieces have no feeling of forward movement and instead just seem like a bunch of jokes slapped together in a row. In your piece, you want to build emotion to take your audience on a journey. If they feel that they've gone someplace while they were laughing at your ideas, they're more richly entertained and will pay you back with laughter. At the end of that entertainment, give them a final, strong piece that lets them know your bit is concluded. When you're done, they should want more, but they shouldn't want for an ending.

Keep Going: Write Every Day You know you need to write every day to keep your comedy muscle strong. (If you don't know this, go back to Chapter 3 and review the "Inspiration vs. Perspiration" section.)

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Magic Notebooks and Creative Excuses But what if you don't like to (or just don't want to) sit and write? Sometimes I think if we could just have a magic notebook we could open and have finished bits already in there, we'd enjoy comedy writing so much more. Yet we do our best to avoid writing, dreaming up all kinds of creative excuses (if we were only as creative in our writing as in our excuses!): I need time off to recharge my creativity. I write when the idea hits me. It just comes when it comes. I don't want to force it. I want the idea to be organic. Sound familiar? You must write if you want to be a writer. Every day you need to set aside that devoted time and write. After writing every day for a while, you'll soon notice how much improved your writing becomes and how much more good material you have to work with—it's almost like you're creating your own magic notebook!

Exercise: Jokes from Scratch You might not have inspiration every time you sit down to write, but write anyway. Comedy has a formula, and even if you're not writing what you want to write, as long as you write, you're learning that formula. So what do you do when you have no idea what to write? Try jokes from scratch, a.k.a. the Chinese take-out menu of comedy writing. What am I talking about? Let me tell you. Start by making two lists. In the left column, list random subjects. In the right column, list random POVs. Here's an example to get you started. Subjects

POVs

Music CDs Internet dating Lawns Clams casino Owls Pottery classes Flyers

Worried Happy Tired Drunk Incredulous Lustful Protective

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Part 2: Basic Comedy Construction Now, take a subject from the left column, a POV from the right column, add your own twists, and build some jokes. Work out as many possible combinations as you can. Don't worry if the jokes seem a bit hokey—this is just an exercise. When you're writing about the stuff you like, it'll feel so much more natural. Oh, and just so you won't feel bad, here's the hokiest combination I could come up with from my lists. It involves clams, casino, and incredulous: Clams casino? Do shellfish need to gamble?

The Least You Need to Know • Your jokes have to fit into the style of your piece. • The way you word jokes varies depending on the genre you're writing. • Use the rhythmic nature of individual jokes to create a rhythm in your whole piece. • Even the greatest jokes need an overall context for the audience to understand them. • Every joke in a piece should be fanny on its own. • You have to write every day, yes, every day.

The Art of Comedy Writing Van Gogh, Mozart, Groucho—comedy is an art. And like fine art, comedy needs creativity and inspiration to flourish. Part 3 will help you get in touch with your creative nature and bring your unique flair to the comedy world. Just as canvases and paints are a painter's tools, our tools as comedy writers are words and images. But how do you put those words and images together for the most impact? Part 3 will show you. This is where you put those words and images into use and create sidesplitting masterpieces.

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Long-Form Comedy In This Chapter • Using POVs to make your comedy pieces longer • Employing tangents as writing tools • Going from jokes to bits • Writing stories—everything you need to know Writing one joke is good. Writing longer comedy pieces is better. It's also necessary if you want to earn a living as a comedy writer. Let's face it— there isn't a big demand for individual jokes. Learning how to expand your premise and write many jokes on a subject is helpful in no matter what genre you're writing. By keeping the jokes coming, you expand both the length of your comedy piece and your possibilities of making money from it. That's a win-win in my book.

Turning One-Liners into Bits To be an effective comedy writer, you have to write a lot of comedy. One possible way to do this is to write 1 punch line for 100 premises. A more effective way to do this would be to write 100 punch lines for 1 premise. I like the second option much better, and I'm sure you will, too, because it takes less work.

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P a r t ? : The Art of Comedy Writing There are two tried-and-true ways to milk more than one joke from a premise: • Find related tangents. • Explore multiple points of view.

Related Topics N o subject is completely solitary in nature but is actually about many smaller things. You could easily explore the many subtopics of an original topic forever. Say, for example, that I want to write a bit about baseball. I can write a one-liner about it, but I could also explore as many tangential topics as I can think of and expand my amount of workable material. If I sit and quickly jot down ideas, I can come up with 62 other possibilities for jokes. Here's my list. Baseball-Related Topics Professional Baseball

Gear

Major Leagues

Uniforms

Minor Leagues

Catcher's equipment

Amateur

Gloves

Baseball

College baseball

Bats

Little League baseball

Batting gloves

Pickup games

Stickball bats

Softball

History

Stickball

Game invention

Aspects of the Game

T h e World Series

Fielding

Record holders

Pitching

T h e Negro Leagues

Hitting

T h e Women's Professional League

Bunting

Great stadiums

Home runs

T h e Brooklyn Dodgers

Stealing bases

Barnstorming teams

Beanballs

T h e All-Star Game

Strikeouts Home plate collisions

Chapter I I : Long-Form Comedy 1 0 7 Baseball-Related Topics Personal Feelings

Watching baseball with Dad

T h e team I hate

Going to the game

People in the Game

Watching with kids

Pitchers

Catching a foul ball

Catchers

My playing experience

Umpires

Watching the game on T V

Fans

Radio play-by-play

Stadium vendors

Ticket prices

T h e PA announcer

My favorite team

Superstars

Baseball on the moon

In and Around the Game

Salaries in the year 2500

Stadiums

Cloned teams

Stadium parking

Possible expansion sites

Local sandlot field

Women in the Major League

T h e fans

My kid as a superstar

Agents

Space aliens' influence on the game

T h e media Talk radio show Are there more? Absolutely! I could compare baseball to other sports. I could write about fantasy leagues. There is no limit to what I can write about baseball once I get started. After you have your list, you'll find that it's easier to expand your comedy by writing individual jokes for each subtopic.

Bag of Tricks When you're making tangent sts, don't edit yourself as you write. As long as the tangent makes sense, go for it. Have fun with the journey and if anything, see how far you can take stuff.

Multiple Points of View Now we're going to get a bit off-the-wall. Ready for this? By now you should understand that your comedy has to touch an emotional cord in your audience. (For those of you keeping track at home, that's the eighty-third time I've mentioned that.) You also know that the P O V is the instrument you use to infuse your jokes with this emotion. But did you know that there are shades of POV?

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Part 3: The Art of Comedy Writing Take a look at the following table of POVs. Opinions on the Topic Your Belief Others' Beliefs

Realities of the Topic How It Impacts You How It Impacts Others

Affectionate Afraid Anxious Brave Cold Cordial

Affectionate Afraid Anxious Brave Cold Cordial Full Grief Nostalgic Optimistic Pitiful Unconscious

Full Grief Nostalgic Optimistic Pitiful Unconscious

Affectionate Afraid Anxious Brave Cold Cordial Full Grief Nostalgic Optimistic Pitiful Unconscious

Affectionate Afraid Anxious Brave Cold Cordial Full Grief Nostalgic Optimistic Pitiful Unconscious

The first set of shadings is your opinions on the topic or how you feel about things. These points of view deal with perceptions, not realities. Explore your own opinions as well as other people's opinions. The more opinions you explore, the more joke possibilities you have. The POVs in this table represent only a small cross-section of possibilities. There are an infinite number of emotions or states of being, so go through as many of them as possible for each of the four shadings of your premise to develop as many jokes as possible. Bag of Tricks Remember, the POV of the character can change as you're writing. Because you're examining the character at multiple points in his life, you can alter the jokes as his moods fluctuate, creating even more possibilities for joke writing.

You can also explore the realities of the situations, both yours and other people's. The opinion of the 10-year-old who has a curfew may differ greatly from the reality of the 10-year-old who has a curfew. The opinion of the 10-year-old might be that he's brave enough to have a later curfew. The parents of that 10-year-old's reality might be that they were just barely brave enough to make his curfew as late as it is.

Chapter 11: Long-Form Comedy 1 0 9 By exploring the realities as well as the opinions of each point of view—the subject of the joke as well as the other possible people affected by the subject—you can write longer comedic pieces. You can also include multiple emotions, thus giving your audience more chances to emotionally latch on to the joke. If you combine the related tangents and the infinite emotions, you can come up with an endless well of comedic potential.

Writing with Speed In whatever genre you're writing, try to maximize your writing time. You don't want to spend your time coming up with funny ideas; you want to spend your time writing funny stuff. You need to write jokes with speed and create quality material swiftly

One Premise, Many Punch Lines One of the most effective ways to write jokes with speed is by creating multiple punch lines for each premise. By maximizing the amount of comedy you mine from each topic, you keep your comedy focused. Plus, you are able to keep producing quickly because you already have your premise—you don't have to research a lot of new information.

No Laughing Matter. There is a fine line between getting the most out of your topic and beating that topic to death. Write a lot of jokes about a single topic, but after you've written all you think you can write, get off the topic while the gettin's good.

Tangent Lists Want to quickly expand the amount and quality of your writing material? My favorite way to do this is by using lists. Simply write down anything related to your premise in a clear, easy-to-understand list. By the time you try to write a joke on each item on your list, you'll have a much longer piece of comedy. This technique gives me places to go whenever I'm stuck writing jokes for my premise. This method is especially helpful in turning one-liners into bits. If you want to expand a joke about coffee, use coffee as the word to start your list. If you're writing stories, this method gives you pointed tangents to explore. You can have the character walk into the coffee shop, and there are choices, and people, and personal indecisions all brewing from that single cup of coffee.

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No Laughing Matter

Whenever you write a list around a subject, stay focused on the subject. If cats remind you of waterfalls, you'll have to spend too much writing time linking the seemingly unrelated subjects and your list-writing method will take too much time to be effective.

Write from a single topic and stay as close to that topic as possible. If you brainstorm on a topic such as shopping, find the words you associate with shopping and start forming your list, for example: Shopping

Sales

Parking spaces

Money

Teenagers

Mall music

Mall clothes

Food court

Shops with useless stuff

Crowds

Free Association So far I've been preaching a very disciplined style of writing, but this is not the only style available. Free association is the way most new writers start. It's also instrumental in expanding the size of your comedy bits, and it's the best way to get over writer's block. Free association is brilliant in its simplicity and, more often than not, is very effective. Start by breaking out a fresh page on your computer or in your notebook. Then, with no particular direction, pick a topic and just start writing about it. Let the tangents take you where they will. You will come up with material worth writing, though I must warn you: You might have to wade through pages of what you consider drivel to get one gem. But face it—one gem is worth the effort. Bag of Tricks Free association is a very helpful way to get past writers block and get some ideas on the page, but don't expect everything you write while you're brainstorming to be comic genius. Remember, you're writing to write. You will come up with some good material, but you'll also come up with some material you'll want to throw in the trash before anyone else sees it. That's a normal part of the process.

The key to free association is to keep going. Don't censor yourself and don't stop too soon. I find that if you free associate for five full pages, you'll be much more effective and you'll come up with more good material than if you stop after a page or two.

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Stories A story is a narrative account of an event with a specific narrative structure written in a unique style, with characters and conflict. Story is the basic building block of all longer forms of comedy writing. Unlike a joke, which is a small, independent idea that stands No Laughing Matter _ alone, a story is a building of momentum Stories can be linked to through a progressive tale. A story has a begina theme or a moral, but a good ning, a middle, and an end. Whatever you're story has to stand on its own. If your audience has to understand writing—from a personal experience essay to a the theme before it can be enterscript to a novel—the art and craft of story tained by your story, your story is has to drive your humor. In other words, let not a success. your comedy become part of your storytelling process.

Everybody Does It Everyone knows how to tell a story. You do it all day long. Every time you relay information, you tell the "story" of what happened. Relaying what your boss said to you at work today is a story. Telling your spouse why you love him is a story. Telling your friend about the spectacular defensive play he missed while he was in the kitchen making yet another sandwich is a story. You tell stories all the time and never get paid for it. Don't you think it's time you turn pro? You can write a story about anything. All you need to know are the basics—the ingredients of your story. You can't bake a cake without ingredients, right? You can't write a successful story without the proper "ingredients," either. So here they are—all the ingredients you need to write a good story: •

Structure

•

Plot

• A main character •

Dialogue

•

Setting

•

Conflict

•

Conclusion

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One of the best definitions I ever received for story came from Alexander Steele, dean of faculty for Gotham Writers' Workshop and author of 1 7 children's books: Typically a story consists of a character pursuing a goal and running into all kinds of obstacles along the way. That's how most of the ancient myths worked, and you still see it today in fiction, film, [and] TV. Odysseus wants to get home. Hamlet wants to avenge his father's death. Scarlett O'Hara wants to get her way. Gilligan and his gang want to get off the island. If the protagonist achieves some kind of inner growth through this struggle, all the better (Gilligan excepted).

Story Structure All stories have a beginning, a middle, and an end. You establish time, place, and characters, then something happens. Through the course of dealing with the events that arise, the main character evolves and becomes a new person. Then the story concludes. In short, all stories have a journey attached to them. This journey provides a linear structure—from point A to point B and beyond. In the film Legally Blonde, Elle follows her boyfriend to Harvard Law School, where she's dumped, becomes a good lawyer, and solves a big case on the client's terms using her own special skills. Other things happened along the way, but that, in a nutshell, was the linear story. (Of course it was a pink nutshell.)

Plot Character and conflict are the centerpieces of story writing. The plot is the sequence of events that happen as the character encounters those conflicts. Good plots are based on cause and effect. Things have to happen, and these events motivate the character into action. The plot should follow the character's actions and decisions. Don't include extra scenes that are off your topic. Every scene should be necessary to the understanding of the story. Any extra scenes might confuse the audience. Your story needs an inciting event, something that propels the character into action. You also need what are called process scenes. These are scenes that move the story by presenting the character with conflict. There needs to be a climax point, a moment when everything comes to a head and the character dynamically rises above his circumstances. Finally, there are bow scenes. These scenes are when you tie up the loose points in the story and give a hint of the unwritten future of the character.

Chapter I I : Long-Form Comedy

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Funny Files You need a plot for your story, but that plot doesn't have to be linear. Again, I turn to solid advice from Alexander Steele, who has written prose, plays, and screenplays: Most stories move forward in a linear progression. This happens and then that happens and so on. But this is art. You can do whatever the hell you want. Some great works of storytelling have turned chronology on its head. The play Betrayal by Harold Pinter moves backward in time. In the film Rashomon, the same event is shown over and over from the point of view of different characters. The novels The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner and Beloved by Toni Morrison deal with time in a similarly fragmented way. If you really want to get dizzy, time-wise, take a look at the film Memento.

Who Is This Guy? Every story starts with a central character, although this character doesn't have to be human. (If you grew up addicted to Looney Tunes cartoons as I did, you can attest to how true that fact is.) This character is the person (or thing) you want the audience to bond with, and you need to clearly define this character in the following terms: • W h o is your character at the start of the story? • What does your character like or dislike? • How do the obstacles in the story impact your character? • What does your character look like? • W h o will your character become at the end of the story? • Does your character have a need? • Does your character have the ability to overcome the obstacles in his way, even if he's unaware of his ability? • What are your character's flaws, and how do they prevent him from moving forward? • Does your character fit the story you're writing? Other characters are in your story as well. Villains, allies, and other minor characters exist to give bits of information; comedic relief characters are there for ... well ... comic relief. You need to define each noncentral character as strongly as you have defined your main character. Your story will be more dynamic if multiple characters have strong agendas and obstacles that each has to face.

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Dialogue Most longer stories will contain dialogue. Although dialogue has to follow specific rules for different genres (I'll discuss those differences in Part 5), dialogue also shares many similarities across genres. Let's look at what dialogue accomplishes: • Dialogue reveals character. Through a character's words or reactions to other people's words, your audience finds out about the character. • Dialogue also advances the plot. Some information needs to be told rather than just seen. • Dialogue also helps bring scenes to life. On occasion, a purely visual scene isn't enough. T h e audience sometimes needs to feel the life energy that only character dialogue can provide. • Good writers also use dialogue to create a pace for the story. There is no more effective tool to speed up or slow down a story than dialogue. And you thought dialogue was just people talking.

Where the Hell Am I? Every story happens somewhere, and that somewhere, if you remember your high school English, is called the setting. T h e setting can have a dynamic impact on the story. Mel Brooks's film Blazing Saddles is funnier because it is set in an obviously fake western town. In Steve Martin's book Shopgirl, the setting in a rather snooty LA department store helps define the central character and her melancholy. Where the action takes place, both in terms of location and time, is one of the main ingredients that you'll have to consider while writing stories. Pay attention to the setting, and use it to further your story.

Things Get in the Way I've written for television. I've written film scripts. I've written short stories, personal experience essays, and stage plays. In every genre I've worked that uses stories as a backdrop, conflict is the most important element. You must have conflict in your story. Conflict is the obstacle your main character must deal with in the story. Conflict is what stands in the way of the hero as he tries to solve a problem or reach a goal.

Chapter 11: Long-Form Comedy I I S

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How important is conflict? Alexander Steele, one of the writers and the editor of Gotham Writers' Workshop "Writing Fiction," says this: Conflict is probably the single most essential element of a story. There must be obstacles and some kind of struggle. Without conflict, a drama isn't dramatic, and a comedy isn't funny. With conflict, almost anything can be made interesting. Imagine the most boring story idea you can. Say, a guy wants to sharpen a pencil. Now, if this guy needs to write some incredibly important document and he's having a really tough time getting that pencil sharp enough to write, then there's no limit to how harrowing or hilarious this event can be. If your story is feeling dull, sharpen it with some conflict.

Conflict can be external, such as between characters or between the character and a greater force such as God or nature. The conflict can also be internal, within the character himself. As long as the conflict is sizeable, it works. Remember, you can also mix and match conflicts. In the film Pretty Woman, the central character not only has to deal with the woman he is falling in love with; he also has to overcome his fears of falling in love. That's two types of conflict for one low price. T h e beauty of conflict is its simplicity. As opposed to many other elements in story writing that have checklists to determine if you're doing them correctly, conflict needs only answer two questions: • Is the problem sizeable enough that it will take a whole story to solve? • Are there steps the central character can take to try to solve the problem? If the problem is complex yet conquerable, you have good conflict.

Happily Ever After You have written 450 pages of the funniest novel in the history of the English language, and now you've encountered the tiniest of problems. How are you going to end this? Every story must have a satisfying ending. T h e best ending has a sense of accomplishment, which provides relief from the story's conflict and makes the resolution interesting. T h e hero does something, and his actions are rewarded. Be sure the resolution is something the character is capable of accomplishing. The power existed within the hero all the time, but he didn't know it until now. Realizing this knowledge means that the character has learned something about himself and is on his way to becoming a better person.

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Story Revision Once you've finished the first draft of your story, you have to revise it. A first draft is never your best effort. Spend time perfecting your completed story. Make it shine.

No Laughing Matter. When you look over your completed story, be sure it's clear and tells your audience everything they need to know. You don't want to make them work to fill in any holes you have missed.

I'm not just talking about spelling and grammar mistakes. Examine your story. Look at your outline and be sure you wrote the story you envisioned. Did you show everything you needed to show? Did you include all the important character information you wanted to? Were the important skills and events foreshadowed? Your audience has to see the beginnings of love on page 11 before it will believe the pledge of undying love on page 377. Don't assume the audience will figure it out. Put everything on the page.

Stories for Jokers Some forms of comedy writing, such as stand-up comedy, seem to exclude stories. In forms of writing geared toward individual jokes as opposed to stories, oftentimes it seems like you go from topic to topic without any logic. But that's not true. Great comics have often come to stories as a way to get their jokes across. Chris Rock and Bill Cosby often put their comedy into stories. Lenny Bruce, who many believe to be the father of modern comedy, told stories in his act. Even one-liner-style comics such as Rodney Dangerfield string together jokes to put them into a story context. Adding a story line might just help your individual lines become memorable pieces. Try it.

Exercise: Make It Longer In this chapter I've given you a lot of advice on making your comedy longer. You can expand comedy using lists, emotions, tangents, and free association. You can also expand your comedy by putting it into the context of a story. So do it. Expand it. Take the last few premises you've been working on and put them through each method of expansion I have given you. When you've finished writing jokes for each place the expansions have taken you, string them together, eliminating the weakest material, and give the jokes a context (a story) or at least a linear flow. You'll thank me for it.

Chapter 11: Long-Form Comedy 117

The Least You Need to Know • You can expand any premise into a longer comedy bit. • A fine line exists between expanding your topic and beating it to death. • Free association is a great tool to expand bits—and get past writer's block. • A story is a narrative account of an event. • Conflict is the most important element when writing a story. • Use stories as a framework for joke writing.

Comedy Is Life In This Chapter • Keeping your audience in mind • Tailoring your material to your audience • Making your work vivid • Lying to your audience You have to clearly share your ideas with the members of your audience. They need to understand what you're talking about and how you feel. They need to feel the life you bring to your comedy. You can bring anything you experience to your audience. They can share your experience and laugh at it as well. All comedy comes from shared life experiences, so make your material less about you and more about "life." This will pay off in more laughs for you.

Finding Common Ground with Your Audience As a stand-up comic, I'm often asked to play jazz clubs—something not a lot of comics are capable of doing. I often get calls to write for television shows where the main emphasis is sports—a market precious few comedy writers write for. Why do I get these gigs? Because I can write about sports

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Part 3: The Art of Comedy Writing and jazz and make them funny. I have the ability to match my sense of humor to my audience's sensibilities. You need to be on the same page as the people you're trying to entertain. If you're too far off, they turn off. It's that simple. By studying your market, you maximize your chances for success. I'm not talking demographic breakdowns and economic patterns; I'm talking funny. What makes your audience tick? That is the question. Look at this excerpt from the act I do for jazz audiences: Every jazz fan I know has a Miles Davis story: "I saw Miles play a little spot in Piscataway about an hour before he died." "/ saw him outside Memphis. He played for 9 hours—2 songs." "Yeah, well I saw him in New York in '46 with Bird. He was so wet behind the ears he could barely blow." "You two don't know anything. I taught him how to play!" If you don't know anything about the behavior of jazz fans, let me explain this slighdy humorous game of one-upmanship. To the jazz fan, it's a dead-on lampooning of their subculture. How did I know jazz fans would find this funny? I've heard about 1,000 Miles Davis stories and figured jazz fans had as well.

Getting Specific... Breaking down the subculture allows you to tailor your material to an extremely specific audience. You can get as specific as you want. Case in point: I do a lot of performances for retirees in Brooklyn, New York. Most of these folks are at the age where they fondly remember the Brooklyn Dodgers. I do this piece whenever I play for them: Heres how much of a Brooklyn Dodgers fan my dad was: They tore down Ebbets Field five years before I was born, but he talks so much about it, I have memories of it. The big thing for my dad was Carl Furillo. The legend was out of control. "The Arm!" My God, that arm could do things in right field that no other arm could humanly do. He threw runners out at first base on sure singles. Runners wouldn V dare try to score on a sac fly hit to him, and if they did, not only would he throw you out, but also the long arm of Carl Furillo would reach out and slap you for even trying. Lords of London insured the arm for a billion dollars; Secret Servicemen guarded the arm during the offseason to prevent this national treasure from being absconded by foreign baseball interests. Sick children who were grazed by the arm were cured of gout. Atop the arm of Carl Furillo rested the hand of God!

Chapter 12: Comedy Is Life 121 You have to not only understand Brooklyn's passion for baseball to get this, but you also have to know—and appreciate—Carl Furillo. Sure, the exaggeration is funny, but it's the knowledge your audience brings to the bit that puts this piece over the top. Knowing your audience is not just a tool for stand-up writers. Every time you see a teen movie, you know the writer found common ground with his audience. Every time a writer tailors an article for a specific publication, he's finding common ground with the audience. At some point, every writer, in every genre, will tailor his comedy to fit a specific audience.

No Laughing Matter There is a fine line between being specific and going too far. Whenever you tailor your material, take a few moments in the writing to explain the basics of the subject to your audience. These extra few sentences can be the difference between a well-received bit and a complete failure.

But Keeping It Universal Keep it universal? Wait a minute. Didn't I say you had to find the universal element in the premise? Yes, I did, and yes, you do. I did it in both the jazz and baseball bits earlier in the chapter. The jazz bit uses exaggeration, which everyone can relate to. In the baseball bit I used exaggeration and hero worship, which are both universal themes. The POV in your comedy must strike a universal cord, but when you're tailoring a piece to an audience, you adjust the specific references in the setup.

It's in the Details When you're breaking down the information you're going to use to pinpoint your comedy for your audience, you have to pay attention to the details. What are the small things that will make the audience know you share experiences with them? In the jazz bit, it was as easy as mentioning Miles Davis and Bird (Charlie Parker). For the Brooklyn Dodgers bit, references to Ebbets Field and the legendary Redding Rifle (Carl Furillo's nickname) were sufficient enough for the audience to know that I shared their sensibilities. You need to find out what pieces of information people will react to and use them to improve your comedy.

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No Laughing Matter Finding the perfect information to bring into a comedy piece is easier if you work from lists. For instance, when I was writing the Brooklyn Dodgers piece, my list included Ebbets Field, Carl Furillo, the advertising on the right field wall, and Branch Rickey. When I looked at all the information on my list, I decided that more people would remember the park and a player than would remember advertising and the general manager. However, having all the information in front of you lets you make better choices.

Boxing People In Boxing people in can be very uncomfortable for some writers. I'd hate to think there are different sets of comedy rules going along different lines. Is comedy for an Asian audience different than comedy for a Caucasian audience? Well, actually, yes. The rules are the same, but the references are different. Keep in mind that the references often hold the emotional triggers that the jokes depend on. On occasion, you have to do more than pick new references to fit your audience. You sometimes need to select an understandable POV For example, you wouldn't use the same structure when you're writing jokes for children as you would when you're writing for adults. I spoke to Maria Perez-Brown, who created both Taina and Gulla Gulla Island for Nickelodeon, and she told me that one of the hardest parts about creating comedy for kids is finding people who can write from the kids' point of view. The comedy and the situations might be brilliantly funny, but if they don't hit the right point of view, the audience will never come to it. You have to be able to adjust your material to the desires of your target market—and that means understanding your audience.

Changing Attitudes Another thing you can do to tailor your material is to change the attitude of the material you are using. If you're writing a humorous piece on the military for a military magazine, you can take a pro-military stance. If you are writing for a publication that caters to high school students, however, you can have a more quizzical attitude. The POV of your jokes will stay the same, but your jokes can work with a wide array of attitudes behind them. This is the perfect way for print comedy writers to recycle their ideas for different markets.

Chapter IZ: Comedy Is Life 123 Funny Files Changing attitudes is not just something you do when you're writing for print. Stand-up comics change attitudes every day because their audience's attitude changes as different people fill the seats. Comics change attitude with inflection. Comedy writers do it with vocabulary.

Nothing Is Too Obscure T h e good part about not trying to please everyone is that nothing is too obscure to write about. Want to do comedy that deals with mathematics? There's an audience for that! What about writing a comedy bit about different types of tea? There's an audience for that, too. Or are you considering a comedy about left-handed, right-wing probowlers who vacation in the Azores? I suppose there's an audience for that as well. But sometimes the audience might be just one guy. Comedy is life. If you can present life to your audience, they will laugh. T h e people who share the interest will laugh, and if you do it correctly, others who might not identify will still laugh because you've crafted the information in a funny way. Sometimes, if the information is presented clearly enough, the audience can laugh even though they don't have firsthand knowledge of the topic.

Stay Involved For comedy to work well, the audience must feel that the author—that would be you—is involved with the comedy. There has to be an apparent connection between the material and the presentation. I'm talking about more than just the feeling that the author knows everything about the topic. I'm talking about an involvement, a sense that you're intimately involved with the material, plus the sense that the material is "alive." If the audience feels that you're too distant from it, the comedy will fail.

Me, Me, Me, Me, Me W h e n you write comedy, it should be all about you. Just by personalizing the material, you can create a sense of connection between you and the comedy. When was the last time you saw your doctor? Vm not saying you need a checkup or accusing you of having a phobia. Ym just pointing out that most people haven't seen their personal physicians in forever. Are they all missing? Perhaps the authorities should be notified.

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Part 3: The Art of Comedy Writing If you have health-care coverage, you joined a program, picked a personal physician, and send in an obscene premium each month. Problem is, whenever you make an appointment with him, he isn H there. It probably started out well enough. He saw you the first few times. You made jokes about your blood work results together. He whistled a happy tune while giving you unspeakable exams. He might have even sent you a card letting you know that you were overdue for an exam. You bonded. This was the opening to a personal experience article about health care. Notice how distant the piece seems. It uses more observations than emotions. Now, take a look at it after I personalized it: I haven't seen my doctor in years. Thats not to say I need a checkup or have a phobia. I just haven't seen my personal physician in forever. I think he might be missing. Perhaps I should notify the authorities. I have health-care coverage. Ijoined a program, picked my personal physician, and each month send in an obscene premium. Problem is, whenever I make an appointment with him, he isn h there. It started out well enough. He saw me the first few times. We made jokes about my blood work results together. He whistled a happy tune while he gave me unspeakable exams. He even sent me a card to let me know I was overdue for an exam. We bonded. Nothing really changed other than the pronouns. You became 7, which is really just a small change. Yet that small change has tremendous impact and makes the piece much more dynamic.

Get a Little Closer (Enough to Get Smacked with a Wet Fish) Not only do you need to connect to your material, but your audience needs to feel as if it's involved as well. Let's look at how to manipulate the audience: • Give specific details. • Keep the comedy in the present tense. • Connect via emotions in your POV. • Kill the -ings. • Occasionally jar the audience. • Check in with your audience from time to time. • Keep the prose as vivid as possible.

Chapter 12: Comedy Is Life 125 Some of this list I've covered before, and some of it is small stuff, but small stuff adds up. Giving specific details is a way to customize your sense of humor to the audience's sensibilities. Keeping the comedy in the present tense makes the comedy seem immediate and, thus, important. And as for connecting via emotions—if you haven't gotten the importance of emotion by this point in the book, you are not paying attention. Killing the -ings is a way to keep the prose moving. He is walking becomes He walks. John is running becomes John runs. This change also keeps the sentences shorter and more active. Jarring the audience is a way of eliminating predictability from your comedy. If every punch line or joke structure is the same, the audience will pick up on the pattern and quickly become bored. Occasionally, if your format, POV, or subject matter surprises your audience, this forces them to judge your writing sentence by sentence instead of judging a pattern. Checking in with your audience on occasion is a great way to make a reader or a person listening to your comedy feel like a participant in the comedy. If you ask your listeners a direct question or challenge their expectations, you make them think about their own experiences, and they'll bond with you on an even stronger emotional basis.

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All too often, writers forget the fact that someone has to receive their comedy. Although I never write just to please the audience, I find it helpful to envision a group as I revise my work. How will each change affect them? Does this change help the audience to understand my vision? By keeping an eye on your target, you can guarantee that your writing will be understood the way you intend it to be.

T h e final concept on the list is keeping the prose as vivid as possible. The audience needs to be engaged. This means the author—again, that's you—needs to touch the audience's senses. T h e easiest way to do this is to make your prose vivid. What do I mean by vivid? To help explain this concept, consider these questions. Do you describe things that deal with all five senses? Sometimes describing a smell is more powerful than describing a visual. Are you using a large vocabulary? Dare the audience to jump up to your level; don't play to what you think theirs is. Are you avoiding cliches and mixed metaphors? Be original in your prose. Are you constantly looking to improve your words and sentence structure? Look at your modifiers. Are adverbs propping up weak verbs? Why say "He ate his meal quickly" when you can say "He wolfed down his food"?

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Part i : The Art of Comedy Writing Notice how you can replace these common weak verbs with more vivid ideas. Instead of This

Try One of These

Run

Dart, dash, flee, gallop, jog, rush, trot

Walk

Meander, saunter, shuffle, stroll, strut

Eat

Devour, dine, feast, gorge, nosh, snack

Talk

Babble, chat, gab, gossip, prattle, speak

Throw

Catapult, fling, heave, lob, sling, toss

Fight

Battle, brawl, clash, dispute, feud, struggle

Follow

Chase, go after, hunt, pursue, shadow, stalk

Break

Bust, crush, demolish, shatter, smash, tear

Each verb in the right column gives more than a simple description. It conveys tone and intent.

Write Your Idea Don't stop at a simple presentation of your idea. Write your idea. Pay attention to every part of every sentence, and your writing will become great. Laughter only comes when the audience gets precisely what you are writing. Just conveying your ideas is not enough; you need to find the perfect way to convey your ideas. This is important for all types of comedy writing. For scriptwriters it becomes especially important when you're writing narrative. As a comedy writer you have to do all this while making sure you aren't killing your cornBag of Tricks edy with too much vivid detail and that the way you ] are expressing your ideas on the page matches the To be a great comedy writer, tone and the POV of the piece. you have to be funny plus have the foundation of being a good writer.

Oh, and you have to do all that while making it funny as well.

Don't Lie ...Well ...Only Lie a Little If comedy is life, a sad fact is that sometimes you have to lie. I don't care how honest you are or how much people trust you, you've lied at some point. Have you ever gotten a sweater as a gift that you absolutely hated? "How do you like it?" the giver asks. "I love it," you lie. "Do you think I'm gaining weight?" your girlfriend asks. "No," you lie.

Chapter 12: Comedy Is Life 1 2 7 Sometimes in life you have to lie to save a person's feelings or to keep a secret. Often, you know that the person you're lying to knows you're lying, and you hope she'll forgive your lie. It's the same with comedy. You will have to exaggerate or embellish to get your point across. The audience knows you're lying at these points and forgives that. They willingly suspend their disbelief. However, if you want your audience to continue to suspend its disbelief during all your exaggeration, you have to earn it. How do you earn it? You need to make your punch lines work. You have to present a concept that your audience absolutely knows is a lie. If the premise doesn't feel true, the audience will bail long before the punch line. Keep as much of your comedy as you can based in truth, and the audience will forgive the occasional lie. But if you ask them to forgive too much, they won't, and the comedy will fall flat. And that, my friends, is no lie.

The Least You Need to Know • You must match your sense of humor to your audience's sensibilities. • You can get as specific as you want when writing comedy. • Be sure to tailor your comedy to your audience if you want to succeed. • The more tailored your references become, the more universal your POV must be. • Keep your descriptions vivid. • Lie a little in your material, but not so much that your audience doesn't believe you.

Chapter

It's All About the Words In This Chapter • Using simple language in comedy writing • Writing in the rhythm • Writing in movements • N o t dirty, but dirty For me, the most satisfying part of this book is that I know when you read it, you'll have no idea that while writing it, I didn't wear any pants. Pants is the key word here. If I had used trousers or slacks, it wouldn't have been as funny. If I had said I was naked, that wouldn't have been funny, either. Words make jokes work. As a writer, words are your weapons, your tools. As a comedy writer, words are also what bring your audience to laughter. Choose your words carefully. Even when you're not wearing any pants.

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Keep the Language Simple Use words that your audience will understand. If a joke uses the word mendicant, and you think your audience won't know what that means, use a synonym such as beggar. When interacting with an audience, speak on its level. Don't be afraid to use your vocabulary, but don't try to dazzle folks with complex verbiage they might not understand and, therefore, won't laugh at. Your comedy should be substance as well as style. Yes, you want to bring them up as high as they can go linguistically, but you have to set limits. T h e audience for Mad Magazine is expecting a much different set of vocabulary than the boys over at the Harvard Lampoon. That's the wonderful thing about audiences—they change. Work to the maximum potential of each audience. This applies when you're using colloquialisms or slang as well. Although you may seem to connect with the audience while using the latest slang, there may be a whole section of the audience too old or from another culture or social level who don't get what you're saying. If your comedy lasts a few years—and if you're writing for print or film, it will—eventually that slang expression will make you look like a nerd or, worse yet, a total square. Harsh words, I know, but you can take that to the bank my homies! Yo! (That just seemed like a good place for a yo.) People have limited vocabularies. Drunken couples on a date at the comedy club have about the same vocabulary level as a well-trained lab chimp. T h e late-night talk-show audience has spent the whole day working, and when these people turn on their TVs just before they go to bed, they have the attention span of a puppy with ADD. Is everything you're writing understandable by the audience you're writing for? If not, now is the time for you to fix it. This is just the tip of the vocabulary iceberg. You should also keep these ideas in mind: • Make your language clear so you don't confuse the audience. • Make your comedy construction solid so your audience can follow where you're going. • String everything together well enough so the audience cares enough to follow along.

Use Language as Art You've just prepared the meal. You have cooked the food and are nearly ready to serve it. T h e only thing left to do is to add some last-minute seasoning, using just the proper amount of spices to turn an ordinary meal into a feast.

Chapter 13: Its All About the Words 131 Just as you add spices to a meal, you need to add nuances to your writing. Nuances are those little qualities that separate you and your writing from the rest of the pack. It's your individual way of wording or phrasing something that lets the world know it's your creation. It's a way of writing something so uniquely that your comedy carries your indelible signature.

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All the comedy writers I consider great share one trait—a love of language. Steve Mittleman, who is one of the best comedy writers in the country and who has appeared on countless television shows including the Tonight Show with Johnny Corson, shared his passion for words: Words are everything. The tiniest, most subtle change can bring a nuance to the material that will escalate the crowd's reactions. It's all about what words you choose [and] the way you say it. You have to give attention to every detail [and] every word when you're writing, because the next change you make could lead you to the perfect way to tell that joke.

Nuances can take the form of catchphrases such as Joan Rivers's "Can we talk?" They can also be more subde. Take, for instance, Dennis Miller's complex use of the language to express simple ideas. His constant subreferencing creates a style that screams his name, and the attitude with which he Bag of Tricks delivers it brings it all together. But don't try to add too much fancy language. Realize that the line between flavoring and unpalatable is very fine. Never do something just to do it; rather, do something because it adds to your comedy. Try and retry ideas until you get the desired results. Most important, never settle for good if great is attainable.

Most nuances aren't created; they're observed. What are the things you do and say or gravitate toward in your writing? Once you notice these things, try incorporating them deliberately. You might be surprised by the results.

Use Your Words to Create a Rhythm When you read a piece of comedy, see it performed, or even hear a joke, you are witnessing a rhythm. Every comedic piece has its own cadence and flow. T h e language you use will determine the rhythm of your piece.

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No Laughing Matter You have no excuses for handing in shoddy writing. Put the time and effort into selecting the perfect words to create rhythmic writing. Your audience will appreciate it.

Pick your words carefully. Match your words to the genre you're working in. If you're writing dialogue for a comedy screenplay, say it out loud. If you're writing a piece of prose, read it aloud. Make sure your comedy has the proper cadence for its usage. Also, examine the words in the structure of your sentences. Can you replace words to provide a better rhythm for your piece?

Write In Silence and Physical Movement Most writers are afraid of silences and pauses. They load more jokes into their writing so they never have a long silent moment. It is as if they believe that if the audience is quiet and not laughing at the end of every sentence, they'll never laugh again. However, this is not so. Don't be afraid of silence. Relish it. If a comedy audience is silent and listening for your next bit, you have their full attention. Readers should be turning each page with anticipation. Use silence for dramatic effect. It can help build tension in a prose piece or onstage. For stand-up comics, you can even use silence as a segue as Steven Wright does. Funny Files Whenever you write pauses into your comedy find a way to clearly show your intent to the reader of the prose or the script. How you do this depends on what genre you're writing for. In anything that would be a script, use the word BEAT. A beat is defined as the amount of time it takes someone to give a reasoned response. "How are you?" (BEAT) "I'm doing fine." In prose, if the beat falls within a line of dialogue, use an ellipsis (...). "I just wanted to tell you ... never mind." If it falls within the narrative, just state the pause. "Josh took a moment to think."

Along with silence, write in physical movements as well. If you've written a story, you know how vital movement is, but people who are writing scripts often overlook its importance. They are so worried about writing in the descriptions of the locations that they forget to write in the characters' movements.

Chapter 13: It's All About the Words 1 ) 3 Physical movement can give your audience insight into your characters, propel the story, or even be its own, self-contained joke. Use as much effort when writing movements as you do when you're writing dialogue.

Keep It Clean N o comedy bit I know of was ever criticized for being too clean. Unless it is specifically requested or part of the deal, you will never get fired from a gig or have a manuscript rejected for not cursing in it. Realize now that using "adult language" limits the markets for your comedy. In the long run, being clean will only take your farther. Of course, in some places, cursing is perfectly fine. But realize when it's appropriate for your audience. Reader's Digest and Playboy have different language standards. It's assumed that their readers are vastly different, so you have different rules. Use the rules to your advantage. (Hey, I read both Playboy and Readers Digest, so what does that say about me?)

%#e* it Sometimes you need to curse. You want to tell the whole world to %#@* off, and you don't give a $#!% who gets offended by what you write. Go ahead. Just realize that you have selected a harder path than other writers have chosen. I am not saying that it's a cut-and-dried rule that you can't curse in your writing. N o one would ever doubt the genius of Richard Pryor or George Carlin, who curse semiregularly in their work, but realize that the reason they can curse effectively is because it is honest. They use those words in their writing with comfort and authority. They No Laughing Matter _ never use them purely for shock value. T h e Clear any use of adult expletive is well placed and is always the best language with your publisher or word choice possible. Let's face it—most producer before you put it in on times "the heck with it" doesn't pack the the page. Being surprised by a power of "%#@* it." T h e problem comes when you use profanity as a crutch. Your comedy needs to be funny without the expletives, or it has to be funny because of the expletive for the curse to be needed. If the joke is only funny because you put in a curse and the curse isn't the point of the joke, you're just masking weak comedy.

writer using expletives is something that will make most higherups a little unhappy. Even with this book, I put one little %#@* in the manuscript and I nearly blew the %#@* A ! deal. Really, is it such a big & © % # * ! $ issue?

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Part 3: The Art of Comedy Writing Review all the comedy you've written that contains curses. Do you get laughs for the joke itself or because of the well-used placement of expletives? Make sure your comedy holds weight without the cursing. If it doesn't, rewrite it.

Hidden Blue • Don't curse. •

Steer clear of most bodily functions.

• Keep the topics away from sex. • Don't be racist or sexist. This is a good set of rules to keep your comedy clean, but it's incomplete. Often you try to make a joke stronger by putting in an easy laugh. Say you're writing a bowling bit. In it, you talk about how the bowlers' butts wiggle when they line up a shot. This is really a sex joke. Or you have a piece about cross-country buses. T h e majority of the piece revolves around the size and smell of the onboard toilet, so it's really just a bathroom bit. Remember to take inventory of your comedy to find the hidden blue. Hidden blue comedy is a bit that seems clean but is really juvenile humor or a cleverly disguised sex joke. A "Bob Dole on Viagra" piece isn't a political joke; it's hidden blue. Keep in mind that you can almost always get away with hidden blue material. Audiences love it, and it usually gets past censors. Hidden blue comedy is only a problem if it's the primary focus of your comedy. If that's all your writing is, it will seem superficial and one-dimensional. Expand your subject matter whenever possible, and as you develop strong comNo Laughing Matter edy that doesn't rely on hidden blue, drop the bits Examine your comedy that do. carefully. How much of it is hidden blue? If it's more than 25 percent of what you're writing, you seriously need to develop some new comedy.

Some comics mix quality material with hidden blue. If you find yourself doing that, rewrite the pieces and edit out the hidden blue. Does your piece still work? Most likely it will. Sometimes you need the hidden blue for the comedy to work, but if you don't, why keep it?

Chapter 13: It's Ml About the Words 135

The Least You Need to Know • Every audience is different and needs different verbiage. Tailor your vocabulary to fit your audience. • Today's fun expression can become tomorrow's trite language. • Use some nuances in your language, but not too many. • Take time to create rhythms with your word choices. • Physical movement can provide insight into the character, move the story, or even be its own self-contained joke. • Strive to make a joke funny on its own before adding in any adult language. • While writing this book, I didn't wear any pants.

Going All the Way In This Chapter • Taking your comedy to the edge • Writing in your vocabulary • Front-loading easy-to-swallow comedy • Writing even when the material is bad How much is too much? When it comes to comedy, you can never have too much. You can do so much within the art form, always keep taking risks and expanding what you're writing about. Bringing all this to the audience is another matter. Although you might find jokes about death funny, your audience might not. Part of being a comedy writer is balancing your creative need to push the envelope with the need to keep your audience comfortable.

Don't Hold Back Anything T h e page is your safe haven, because here you have the artistic freedom to write whatever you want to write. You can work out your issues, push the boundaries of good taste, and let it all hang out. T h e page is a place for freedom.

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Part 3: The Art of Comedy Writing Where can you present material that has an edge? It's a buyer's market, and you, my friend, are a seller. T h e markets for edgy material have to be sought out carefully.

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How does the industry view edgy material? Chris Mazzilli owner of Gotham Comedy Club in New York, shared his thoughts: There's an up side to edgy material, and that's its originality. As a club owner, I want comics who give the audience new perspectives. On the other hand, when you start touching on touchy subjects, you damn well better be funny, because if it's funny, you can get away with a lot.

Whoever you market your comedy to will have parameters you must fit your comedy into. When you have these limitations in front of you, you'll have to nip and tuck your edges until your comedy fits into the specifications of your market. But until the prospect of a check is involved, don't hold back anything.

Dare to Offend When I was 20 years old and just starting comedy, I was fortunate enough to meet and spend some time with Sam Kinison. Sam is often described as a counterculture comedian, a shock comedian, or even a rock V roll comic. In truth, though, he was just a comic who took his audiences to places they had never been before. Funny Files Two fine examples of comedy that dared to offend are Sam Kinison's Breaking the Rules on DVD or Bill Hicks's Rant in E-Minor CD. Both are powerful tributes to what comedy can be if the performer (writer) dares to offend. Monty Python's Life of Brian and the short-lived series God, the Devil, and Bob are also good examples.

Sam dared to offend his audiences. He presented his comedic vision unabashedly and fearlessly. He knew that his sense of humor was beyond the norm, but he dragged his audiences into his vision. That's what made him a success. That's also what limited Kinison's success. As a comedy writer, you have to make decisions. I'm not talking about deciding on a premise or POV, although you do have to make those decisions, too. I'm talking now about business decisions. If you want to make more money as a comedy writer, you have to appeal to more people. It's good business to avoid offending anyone.

Chapter H : Going All the Way B 9 But business aside, comedy is a sharp stick poking in the side of society. If someone doesn't get a little offended, you're playing it too safe. You've seen or read plenty of political comedy that takes either a left or right P O V Something will offend the other side. It has to. If your work is centrist, too many people will agree with your view, and it won't be comedy, it will be opinion, very unfunny opinion, most likely. Dare to offend. Make your arrows pointed, and fling them at specific targets. Don't homogenize your writing. T h e markets will do that for you.

Use Any Words You Want In Chapter 13,1 stressed that you have to adjust your language to fit your audience. Do this adjustment, if necessary, while you're revising your comedy, not while you're writing it. You need to keep the comedy flowing while you write, so use the words most comfortable to you then. Worry about revising later. When you start revising your work, you'll find that by giving yourself the freedom to write anything with the language you wanted to use, your writing has taken on a certain clarity. You didn't edit yourself when you initially wrote, so what's now on the page is true. You'll know your exact intent when it's time to cut it down and edit it to fit your audience.

Accentuate the Positive When you're writing comedy, you want to make a connection with your audience quickly. This is called front-loading. Put the easiest-to-digest comedy from the edgy piece first. It might still be shocking, but not nearly as shocking as what will follow. Even when you're writing things your audience might not agree with, you need to focus their attention on the concepts that make the comedy palatable. Front-loading is how you do that.

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^9SM want to tiqure out how to trontW^\ i J J • i iL YJ> a load a comedy piece, start by V*J m a k j n people g a | jst owill f t h erespond t n j n g s yfavorou think *^ ably to within your subject. Some items on the list will leap out at you. Start your piece with those that give you the strongest positive feelings.

cover many sensitive issues in my comedy, including domestic violence. I once wrote a play called Family Gathering for a 10-minute play festival. T h e festival organizers wanted the subject matter of the play to touch on "important issues," so I picked domestic violence and decided to make it a comedy.

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Part 3: The Art of Comedy Writing Why try to find the comedy in domestic violence? Because I felt I could make my point without preaching. I also felt I could make the audience feel for my characters if I could make them feel as betrayed as the characters were. I only had one small problem. Nobody was going to find domestic violence fanny, at least not if the characters seemed real. So I front-loaded my play by making the characters and the violence seem over the top. I didn't write any punching or hitting. I wrote cartoon-character-hit-in-the-head-with-a-frying-pan stuff. T h e audience bought into my device. I front-loaded the comedy and slowly brought them into the play. By the time the violence and the characters turned from over the top to agonizingly real, the audience had already spent time laughing with the piece. Because I placed laughter at the front of my piece, I allowed my audience to adjust to my pointed view. T h e front-loaded, over-the-top material prevented my audience from turning off to my subject and allowed me to put a message into my comedy.

Eliminate the Negative When writing comedy, you have to create an environment in which your audience feels free to laugh. Part of creating that environment comes from keeping your jokes direct so your audience doesn't have to think too much. T h e rest comes from you, the writer, by eliminating all the things that might cause your audience to go astray and not follow you. How do you do that? Here's what works for me: • Make the setup concise enough that your audience isn't bored before you start being funny. •

Complete each tangent before you move on to the next point.

•

Give enough information that your audience knows what you're talking about.

• Keep your language fresh so the presentation is interesting. • Tailor the pace and cadence of your comedy to fit the energy of the subjects you're writing about. Doing all these things plus having an emotional component to your comedy writing will keep your audience focused on the comedic aspect of your piece and not on its shortcomings.

Chapter 14: Going All the Way

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Don't Mess with Mr. In-Between I took a creative writing class about a million years ago, and one of the first things I learned was that the writer leads the reader. You direct the attention, emotions, and thoughts of the people who are engrossed in your work. As the writer, you are the leader. You have to lead your audience where you want them to go. Would you follow a leader who is unsure of his or her abilities? "Follow me" inspires a lot more confidence than "Maybe we should go this way." Be firm in making statements to your audience. Don't ask them if they agree; tell them they do. Write declarative statements that have directions built in. Use the power of your sentences to lead your audience. To further that, don't ask questions. Dictate. When writing comedy, you have the last word. You are the sole arbiter of what's funny. Unless the point of your comedy piece is asking the questions, avoid questions. State instead.

This Sucks I have heard a rumor that, on occasion, writers can write a piece and then realize that it sucks. Of course, having never written anything that was less than brilliant and blindingly funny, I can't validate that statement myself. If this is the case for you, though, let me encourage you to write the entire bit before you trash it. Don't trash something because what you currently have isn't stellar. What you put on the next page might be. Sometimes a not-so-funny idea will lead you to a path that can be funny, even if the current path isn't. Case in point: I once knew a writer who I'll call James X. Mr. X was creating a piece of stand-up he felt would be brilliant as he spent the better part of an afternoon writing about exotic foods and obscure dishes. Midway through the process I—I mean Mr. X— realized that perhaps this material wasn't as genius as his expectations had led him to believe.

No Laughing Matter Just because you write something doesn't mean you should publish or even submit it. Carefully consider the quality of your material. Don't risk a bad reputation by putting out something bad. Know what pieces are good enough to be developed for the market and what pieces are more for your own experimentation. Don't let your ego force you to present something that's not yet funny.

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Part J : The Art of Comedy Writing Instead of giving up, Mr. X further explored the idea. A tangent led him to the observation that we only eat foods from docile animals; this led him to write about wild animals, which led him to write about bulls. These tangents finally led him to write a very funny piece about the running of the bulls. When you're inspired to write, there is a reason for your inspiration. Sometimes that reason manifests itself with uncanny clarity. Sometimes you have to wade through an ocean of unfunny ideas to get one comedy gem. Always complete your first draft to see if it contains something salvageable to work with. If you bail out before you fully explore the idea, you're wasting that nugget of inspiration. Trust me, you will have plenty of dry days where you'll wish you could come up with even the unfunniest of ideas. Don't trash something that could be a gem in waiting.

The Least You Need to Know • Write without limitations, and let the market define your edits. • If someone doesn't get at least a little offended by your comedy, it's probably boring. • Placing the most positive traits up front in your comedy helps an audience accept the later edgy material. • Be direct and lead the audience where you want it to go. • Questions undermine your comedic authority. Statements reinforce it. • Fully explore any idea, even if it seems unfunny while you're working on it. It might eventually become something great.

Part The Craft of Comedy Writing T h e foundation for all art is craft. Painters must understand the watercolors or oils they use to use them well. Musicians need to know the physical properties of every note their instruments produce. As a comedy writer, you need to understand how to use the craft elements of the comedy writing process. Part 4 will show you how to edit your comedy, rework your ideas, focus your comedy to an audience, tailor your comedy to a genre, and market your genre-specific piece. You've got a lot of work ahead of you. Roll up your sleeves and get going.

Learning to Let Go In This Chapter • Beginning the editing process • Editing jokes • Editing stories • Making up stuff A great deal of what you write in your first draft is extraneous at best and lacking in imagination at worst. So you have to cut out all the bells and whistles, focus on the material that brings your intent to the forefront, and frame the comedy so the audience can see it clearly. Let me rewrite that: Edit your comedy and get to the funny stuff.

Ready to Edit? You think you're done with your first draft. Now what? Are you finished developing your idea and ready to edit it? Your answers to these questions will help you decide if you are:

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Part 3: The Craft of Comedy Writing • When should you start editing your comedy? As soon as you feel it's finished. • Look at it objectively. Is it funny? • Does it fit a genre? Does it execute a story? If you can answer yes to these last questions, you're ready to edit. Editing is the process of making your good writing great as you expand, embellish, trim, and clarify your completed thoughts. Going back and fixing something before you've finished the whole work is a waste of time. Without a context to base the corrections on, it just becomes busy work; so finish writing, then focus on editing.

Give It a Little Tweak You will feel a tremendous urge to stop working on material once you know it's funny, but don't listen to that urge. If Shakespeare had listened to that urge, The Taming of the Shrew might not have been as funny as it is. Each thing you write—in fact, all comedy—is a work in progress. Audiences change. Your perspective evolves as you live. Don't be tied to yesterday's humor. Rework it until you feel it's perfect. Then rework it some more. T h e smallest change can make all the difference. Keep going forward with your writing. Look for new possibilities. T h e more effort you put into editing and revising your writing, the better your writing will become.

Addition by Subtraction A famous line, one that's usually attributed to the late Henny Youngman, has been done by tons of comics from burlesque and vaudeville stages to the borsht belt. Let's look at it in two forms: Take my wife, would you? Or: Take my wife—please! Essentially, both of these say the same thing. Why is the second one better? I can tell you in one word: editing. T h e joke has been edited to the point where there is no excess at all. Nothing in it isn't perfect. Editing has made the joke better.

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Keep in mind that editing does not just mean shortening. You can make a joke better by adding to it, if adding material clarifies your point. A change in words might create an internal rhythm that makes the joke more pleasing to the ear. If you keep editing something to the core, then proceed to build on it, you will have much better results than you would have had leaving well enough alone. But don't edit out the soul of your joke. Admittedly, not editing your work is a sin, but overediting is just as bad. Overediting will make your writing dull and lifeless and will prevent you from enjoying your writing. Overediting is the swiftest way to become artistically dead. Learn the editing line, and then walk it carefully. Break out your writing. Focus on just your jokes on the first pass. Take out all nonessential parts of your jokes. Build them back up by clarifying what you're saying. What's left should be nothing but brilliance. Funny Files As much as we like to think of ourselves as professionals, we're not always eager to be ruthless with our own material. Is there a writer who is on about the same level as you are? Read a first draft of his or her writing. Edit it, and most likely you'll find tons of things that need to be changed. Now edit your own writing. Do you find as many flaws? When you're editing your stuff, you should give it the same careful, nonbiased opinion you would give someone else's material.

Long-Form Editing I cover a wide variety of genres in this book. Although joke editing is relatively simple (as simple as editing can be, that is), genre editing for long forms takes a bit more diligence. Each genre has specifics that you have to deal with, but there are some common rules you can follow for long forms. After you've written the last word of any manuscript, your real work begins. Yes, that's right. Now you start the hard stuff. Of course you need to check your grammar and spelling. That's true of anything you write. But beyond that, you need to start where your audience will eventually end up. You need to start with the story. T h e first pass you make at any writing should be to ensure that all the story points are clear and that the story works as you envisioned it. After all, if the story doesn't work, all you have is a collection of jokes.

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Tighten Up What are you writing about? Write down your story in a single sentence. Is the plot easy to understand? Can the audience "get it"? Each character and scene must advance the plot. Don't be married to any particular passage, element, or scene. T h e writing might be great, but does it fit the story? If it doesn't, it has to go. Anything you write professionally will have a page limit or word limit. Make your ideas fit into that limit. By editing your work and focusing on your story, you can tighten up your work and actually pack more into that word or page limit. Remember it's not about quantity, it's about quality.

Say What? Dialogue is radically different from genre to genre. Take time to learn the specifics for each. A humorous news article will use quotes and dialogue differently than a sitcom. Learn the rules and follow them. Overall, dialogue should never repeat anything in the narrative. It should move your story along and develop the personalities of your characters. If you use jokes in the dialogue, these should also create or maintain your tone and style.

Don't Tell Bag of Tricks Okay, there's an exception to every rule, including the "show, don't tell" rule. In this book, sitcoms are the exception (see Chapter 22).

Show, don't tell. Comb through your comedy for places where you tell the reader how a character feels, and replace the dead descriptions with actions that show the emotions. Change "Jim was angry that 15 chapters into the book he still had to tell the reader about this rule" to "Jim pummeled the reader who still didn't get the rules 15 chapters into the book!" There. Isn't that so much nicer?

That Would Have Been Passive Writing Any verbs preceded by the word would should be replaced with the active past tense of the verb. "John would run for miles" becomes "John ran for miles." If you do that, you would gain a stronger writing style and would create stronger prose. This would happen to be a great way to shore up your writing. If you do that, you gain a stronger writing style and create stronger prose. This happens to be a great way to shore up your writing.

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No, My Grammar Ain't Bad Before your audience can laugh at your joke, it has to understand it. But sometimes your English might be a little lax. Sometimes you might leave a participle dangling out there for the entire world to see. I understand. I've been there, too. It's worth your time to take a few moments to make sure your language is as strong as your jokes before you send your comedy off into the world. Check your spelling. Don't just trust your computer's spell check program. I'm telling you this from experience. Sometimes I can be so off in my spelling that it comes out as a completely different word. "What he said was heresy," is a lot different from "What he said was hearsay." Look at each word to make sure it is correct. Then look again.

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No Laughing Matter

Ambiguous pronoun references can plague even the most diligent writer. They must be killed (the ambiguous pronouns, of course, not the writers). Also, make sure your modifiers are in place. I could tell the story of my friend, Bob, who died of old age on the radio. However, it would be much clearer if I go on the radio and tell the story of my friend Bob, who died of old age.

Free Gift How many extra words do you put in your writing? We see so much excessive writing these days that we don't even notice it anymore. If you really look, you might be surprised by exactly how much waste there is in your writing. I saw an advertisement that beckoned me to "Come on down and get a free gift!" Free gift? W h a t other kind is there? "Happy birthday! That'll be $14.50." Find all the overused, overwritten phrases in your writing and cut them out. Be ruthless. Don't write to the lowest standard of your audience; write to the highest standard.

Further Clarification I want my audience to laugh, but I also want folks to "get" my writing. I want them to understand my stories and my points. I want to know that they have had a satisfactory experience hearing my work. Sometimes, however, my writing doesn't convey the details that I'd like it to. It's not unclear enough for me to say it's not good and write it off, but it just seems hazy around the details, like there's more to the subject, but I just can't get my finger on it.

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No Laughing Matter Don't use facts to obscure the fact that you don't have a point. Your point is to illuminate, not cloud the issue.

What do I do to fix that? Try one of these: • Illustrate the points. • Expand the focus. • Narrow the focus.

Quotations, studies, statistics, visuals, graphics, interviews, observations—holy cow, there's a huge wealth of information you can pile on to demonstrate what you're writing about. This is great for fact-related writing, but in the many forms of fiction, it's even more effective. If a character needs a history to explain his behaviors, you can create the most convincing arguments by presenting "facts." A great device for clarity is to ask "What comes next?" Your audience will be asking that question, so if you already know the answer, you're one step ahead. If good writing means creating desires and expectations in an audience, then great writing means satisfying all these great expectations. Clarify or further define the good points so your audience doesn't get lost. The audience needs to see the idea develop so it can invest emotionally. (No, I couldn't let a chapter go by without mentioning the emotional connection between the audience and the comedy.) Also, the more information you infuse into the story to clarify the issues, the more tangents you create for comedy.

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Clarity does not mean predictability. Lucien Hold, talent coordinator for the Comic Strip Live in New York City—at one time home to such comedy greats as Seinfeld, Chris Rock, and yours truly—said this about clarity: Too often bad comedy is predictable. When I watch an act, I try to guess where they're going with a joke, and unfortunately, more often than not, I can. Great comedy has the ability to make people understand what the performer is talking about without being predictable, or the same as every other comic.

T h e flip side of this idea is narrowing your focus. If the tangents you develop as you write cloud the focus, narrow your writing until only your crucial points shine. This will help your audience center in on your intent. Stripped of all the bells and whistles, sometimes you're just left with an amazingly funny piece that's right on point.

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A Tense Situation If you are writing in present tense, stay in the present tense. Take pains to be sure you don't slip into another tense. If you have a flashback, set that scene, then write it in the same tense as the rest of your work. Keeping your work in the same tense helps keep your work easy to read and easy for your audience to follow and, therefore, laugh at. And that's your end goal, isn't it?

I'll Repeat It and Say It Again Once you've told the audience something or described how a character looks or acts, don't do it again unless you have a reason for repetition (for a good reason, see the film Groundhog Day). If you feel it's important to remind your audience about something you've already presented, find a different way to state it. Repetitions are annoying. Repetitions are annoying. See what I mean?

Go With the Flow Does your piece move continuously, smoothly, and easily? Is it an easy read? If it does and if it is, you've written a good flow into your piece, and your audience will pick up on and enjoy it. As a comedy writer, that's a big part of your job. Of course it's a lot easier for comedy writers to set a good flow because the audience will be laughing all the way through. Imagine those poor drama writers who have to create a flowing read while wallowing through anguish, heartache, and the biological catastrophes that strike an unsuspecting world in the near future. By the way, did I mention that repetitions are annoying? Do you have an emotional connection to that statement? I digress. Now, back to the flow. Flow relies on two things: continuity and transitions. Continuity is the way an entire work is connected. A transition is a passage that links a scene or a topic to another scene or topic. If your transitions are seamless and your audience buys the continuity of your project, congratulations—you have a flow.

P") Bag of Tricks After you finish editing, read your work. Does anything cause you, the author, to pause or question? When you begin a new sentence or paragraph, is it jarring, does it seem to skip a beat, or does it make a jump in the logic of the storyline? Are your subject changes too abrupt? If you have any of these problems, good transitions can cure them.

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Format for the Format Now you've got your text near perfect, but if you don't have your work in the correct format, the industry might overlook it. Be sure your work follows the industry's standard format for the genre you're writing in. (If you don't know the formats and want to skip ahead, see Part 5. Or better still, do some research and get samples of the format you want to write in.) In every genre for which you will submit your work professionally, use a 12-point serif font such as Times New Roman, Bookman, or Courier. Television and film companies limit the submission to Courier only, as do some book publishers, so double-check the specific standards you're submitting to and get a set of guidelines. Set your page margins to 1 inch all around, and check the rules of the genre for proper line spacing— some want single-spaced; some require double.

Apply for Your Artistic License One of the hardest things for me to learn was that comedy is art. With art, you can color, embellish, exaggerate, trump up, flat out lie, or heap on a mound of bull ... You get the point. This concept is especially important to remember when you're writing story-based comedy. With stories, the only limitation to your writing is what you can make the audiences believe. All too often, as writers, we stick too close to the reality of the world. But reality can make your writing boring. When you're editing your work, you can make up stuff. You can manipulate histories, personalities, and even words to suit your needs. Simply look outside the realm of reality to find the best edit. Funny Files Making up words and facts for clarity is a great tool. For an example of someone who does a masterful job at this, check out anything you can by Lord Buckley (or visit www.lordbuckley.com). Buckley was a counterculture comic/spoken word artist from the 1950s who bent the language to suit his needs. He's an extreme example of what a writer can create in order to clarify.

Chapter IS: Learning to Let Go 153 In one segment of a play I was writing, I wanted to show that a character, Ron, was excited but also a bit dim. Ron had been terrorized by another character and was describing his aggressor to police. After writing a long speech for Ron and also a scene in which a lot of back-and-forth dialogue took place between the characters, I settled for the following exchange: OFFICER: How tall was he? RON: He was ginormous! Ginormous? What, that's not in Webster's? No, it's not. I used a made-up word to show Ron's character traits. What could have taken me seven or eight lines to establish was easily summed up in two because I looked outside the realm of reality. T h e other thing about ginormous is that the meaning of the word was easy for the audience to follow because of the context. It also got a laugh because of the way it sounded and has probably remained memorable to that audience years after they heard it. In fact, when I told a person on my mailing list that I was writing this book, she sent me a card that said she hoped it would be a "ginormous success!" Great editing of creative writing means looking for shortcuts and clarifications everywhere. Creating material or words to clarify a point in a few words is a good tool to master as well.

The Least You Need to Know • First drafts are rarely your best effort. • Editing does not just mean shortening. It means improving as well as sometimes, yes, shortening. • Dialogue should move the story along and develop the personalities of the characters. •

Spelling and punctuation count.

• You are allowed to make something up if it helps clarify your point. • Did I mention that repetition is annoying?

Everything Old Is New Again In This Chapter • Updating older jokes • Moving from genre to genre •

Changing the order

• Keeping track of the ideas that don't work Napoleon took his army into Russia during the winter with disastrous results. Years later, Germany made the same mistake. A crafty humorist could have taken the bits Napoleon wrote about the Russian winter in 1812 and recycled them in 1942. Of course it is hard to find a 130-year-old comedy writer, even in the Friar's Club. However, topical humor, which seems to have a short life span, can be resurrected again and again. This reusing makes your job as a comedy writer easier—and much more profitable.

Comedy Is a Work in Progress Every comedy writer has his or her own style for developing bits—a gestation period, if you will. Will Durst, the premier political humorist of this

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P a r U : The Craft of Comedy Writing generation, talks about a three-week period in which he imprints the joke into his repertoire. Eddie Brill, a comedian who has appeared numerous times on the Late Show, told me about his developing a single comedy piece over a span of years. I know that when I write longer comedy pieces such as a film script, it's not unusual for me to mull over the idea for a year before I even try to outline it.

No Laughing Matter _ Though you might need this time to ripen your material, keep in mind one of the realities of our profession: You have to churn out your material quickly in order for you to profit.

N o matter what your artistic process is, with time and effort, you can make your comedy crisper, your ideas more concrete, and your stories more focused. Because most comedy writers work in a multitude of genres, you have the ability to rework your ideas in different ways. Remember, comedy is a work in progress. Every time you revisit an idea, you have to improve on it.

From Genre to Genre One way to rework ideas is to go from genre to genre. If you're writing a funny personal experience essay about building your house, examine fictionalizing these experiences into a film script or as the basis of a sitcom spec-script episode.

No Laughing Matter Take pains to ensure that the comedy you submit to buyer A is significantly different from the comedy you submit to buyer B. Comedy is a small industry, and you need to keep careful track of your submission to make sure you don't step on any important toes.

What's the advantage of this? Simply, it is profit. If you can sell different takes on the same comedy idea, you maximize your profit potential. Of course, no one wants to be the second market to receive the work, so you have to take pains that each variation is different enough to give it a unique feel. T h e best way to do this is to play with the POV. If your premise changes POV from genre to genre, you'll be able to draw the focus away from the original subject, which will give your comedy bits enough variation that it won't seem like you are plagiarizing yourself.

Humor Keeps (ominq Back Another way to rework your ideas is to revisit them. As time passes, old comedy bits can take on new significance. Political and topical comedy always revisits ideas. With the cyclical nature of the world, it stands to reason that comedy keeps coming back.

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World Skew

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A political cartoon such as this could have been published during World War II. (Artwork courtesy of Yvonne Mojica)

V Hffi seat/ecsr Look at the way late-night talk-show hosts portray certain politicos. Dan Quayle was thought to be a bit of a bumbling character. Comedians made jokes about his intelligence and awkward manner. However, if you were to roll back the tape to the time when Gerald Ford was vice president, you would see eerily similar jokes. Funny Files Political comedy remains one of the hardest and most respected forms of comedy. To do it well, you have to stay current and be keenly knowledgeable of your subject. The downside is that just about half the people exposed to your political comedy will disagree with your POV—and it doesn't even matter what POV you have!

It's not just history that you can revisit. If you come back to your premises at different points in your life, you'll find that your take has changed enough to breathe new perspective into your comedy writing.

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Part 4: The (raft of Comedy Writing I started doing stand-up comedy when I was 19. About that time, I wrote a bit about relationships, which was filled with all the rich insights that a man who is two years removed from playing Dungeons and Dragons can provide. I revisited the topic in 1992, just after my first marriage failed. Needless to say, although my material was funny, it was just a wee bit on the bitter side. Now, 20 years after I wrote my first relationship piece, I'm in a more comfortable place, and my comedy reflects that. Each piece was funny. Each one had jokes that perfectly captured the time and circumstances surrounding me when I wrote it. ("I hate picking the girl up at her house. Whenever her father shakes my hand, I'm sure he knows what it is I want to do.") Each one stayed on topic. ("I don't think you could really call what I had a marriage. It was more like a one-night stand that lasted six years.") And each one brought new understanding of the world surrounding the topic. ("I think my wife domesticated me. I used to drive down the street saying things like, 'Did you see that woman? Man, she's built.' Now I drive through the neighborhood going 'Ooh, nice garage.'")

A political cartoon such as this could have been published during the war in Iraq.

World Skew

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(Artwork courtesy of Yvonne Mojica)

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Chapter 16: Everything Old Is New Again 1 5 9 Don't underestimate what life brings to your comedy writing process. As you evolve, so will your comedy. I believe that I grow as a comedy writer every day, which means that the funniest joke I'll ever write will be the one I finish just before I die. I only hope there will be someone there for me to tell it to.

This Old Joke Now, you can't just whip out a joke 20 years after you wrote it and throw it back out into the comedy world. You have to make minor adjustments to ensure that the comedy is relevant. This might mean just changing a word or two, or it might require wholesale changes. Whatever the case, your comedy must feel timely to be funny.

Updatinq the Laughs A quick fix is to update the references. That seethingly funny piece you wrote in the late 1980s about the New Kids on the Block works just as well when you use *NSYNC today (or whatever boy band is popular at the moment). Likewise, the jokes you wrote in the late 1990s about Bill Clinton's wandering eye will work just as well the next time some politician finds himself in a sex scandal. Because jokes have a short shelf life, you can't just update the references and not rework the approach. Once the reference is gone from the public consciousness, so is the joke. If you take the time to rework the piece down to its essence, the shelf life will be much longer.

It's Funnier Now Funny Files Another way to bring back material is to reminisce. Remind your audience of past details. Once time has passed, the average audience member will only remember the highlights, so by reminding him of the details, you will make your comedy stronger because it's more focused in his mind. Of course that means you have to bring back the comedy that only deals with those broadstroke elements. If the audience has to struggle to remember details, the bit will collapse under the weight of the audience's thoughts.

Don't think reminiscing is just something that stand-up comics do to rework old jokes. That '70s Show and Happy Days both derived a great deal of comedy from nostalgia. You can use nostalgia in any genre to resurrect older material, and the material will seem fresh to the audience because the characters in the piece are dealing with the events as if they're new.

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Part 4 : The Craft of Comedy Writing It also helps to frame the comedy piece with a comparison. If you compare current music to the music of your youth, your audience will be able to follow your musings about Wham, A Flock of Seagulls, and Cyndi Lauper because you've given them a modern context.

The Changing Order of Things Another great way to breathe life into tired comedy is to reorder the piece. Remember, if you're working outside story-based comedy writing, you can put almost any joke in any place in the order. Stories are bound by the logic of the sequence of events, but short-form comedy jokes define the logic. Sometimes, changing the order allows the audience to find new pathways into your comedy. Bag of Tricks If, over time, a piece starts to fall flat, changing the order of the jokes can make it seem fresher and make the members of the audience feel as if they are experiencing something relevant to their current state of being. It's not as important for the material to be relevant as it is for the audience to feel that the comedy is relevant.

New Order Means New Rhythm You know comedy is about rhythms. As a reader reads comedy or someone sitting in an audience experiences it, the rhythms will ultimately affect how he receives the piece. A subde or not-so-subde change in the order can give your work a new rhythm. T h e rhythm is the entrance point of the comedy piece. It's the melodic quality that an audience will follow in order as it begins to trust the comedy.

Not Funny There, Very Funny There I've discussed changing the order of a comedy piece. A distant cousin to that idea is moving the piece altogether. If a piece isn't working in one genre, it might work well in another genre. During the 1980s, I wrote more than my fair share of jokes about Reaganomics, skinny ties, Miami Vice, leg warmers, big hair, and Madonna. Two decades later, who knew the only one of these things that would escape the time capsule would be Madonna? All the others are now just distant memories (until someone decides to resurrect leg warmers or big hair—and you know they will eventually).

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Will Durst is a talented political comedian who has had his own HBO special and has published many humorous essays. (Read some of his brilliant observations on www.willdurst.com.) We spoke about taking ideas from genre to genre: There are tangents where the page and the stage meet. You have to make sure that the idea works where you want to use it. I write for the stage, and I write for the page, and it's a totally different voice. In print, you have time to build your comedy. You can take your time. That can be the difference between a joke working or not.

Although jokes about Madonna still get laughs, none of the other 1980s references get a peep from today's average comedy club audience. However, by using the 1980s as a backdrop for a stage play, I was able to bring back every one of those jokes, to wonderful results.

"This Bit Just Might Work If I Change..." That hayride bit never worked so I dropped it. I never developed this bit on the Library of Congress. Every time I try to write about growing up in the city, it just isn't funny. How many of you have uttered a phrase like these as you toss into the trash a joke or idea that never quite worked? Every comedy writer has a pile somewhere of neverdeveloped premises and bits or of bits that didn't work. Never discard this pile. ReBag of Tricks work them occasionally and see if you can usually rework old premises make them fly. once every three months or Revisiting your comedy that never quite worked or that seems outdated is just as important as revisiting your comedy that did work. That's why you need to keep records of your premises. You might be contracted to write about a particular subject. You might even try your hand at making some of your old premises funny when you have no other ideas to write about.

whenever I am having a case of writer's block. When I have writer's block, reworking my material becomes especially useful. Because I already have some thoughts on the topic, I can jumpstart the creative process. Editing is also useful during creative dry spells for the same reason.

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P a r U : The Craft of Comedy Writing A lot of time it's not the joke that doesn't work but rather the writing of it. At the time you wrote the piece, you might not have had enough talent to write it properly— or enough life experience and writing skills to write it well. It might be that you thought of the bit for one genre and it really better suits another. Keep rummaging through those old bits and turn them into new gems. Try rethinking the genre or shifting the POV. Ultimately, you want to exhaust every option before you let a bit go. You might have pieces you rework dozens of times to no avail. That's okay and is a natural part of the writing process. Enjoy the writing, and if something doesn't work, put it back in the pile for next time.

Exercise: Long-Lost Laughter Time to look through your joke files and find those bits you had high hopes for. Which ones still call out to you? Rewrite one or two of them, and try to work it into a comedy piece. Take the most promising one and fully develop it. Don't give up on any premise. I can tell you from experience that some of the best comedy pieces I've ever written were the results of reworking ideas I couldn't make funny the first time around.

The Least You Need to Know • With time and effort, you can make comedy crisper, ideas more concrete, and stories more focused. • Maximize your profit potential by selling different takes on the same comedy idea. • As you evolve, so will your comedy writing. • Keep records of all your comedy ideas, and periodically revisit the ones you weren't able to make funny before. • Do more than update the references in your older material—rewrite the jokes. • Reminisce. It's a great way to make old material feel current.

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Who's Going to Laugh at This? In This Chapter • Gearing it all toward your audience • Using extreme comedy • Keeping it clean • Being unique What do blue-collar steelworkers, nursing mothers, and nuclear physicists have in common? N o t much. That's one of the difficulties of comedy writing—you have to write for an audience that changes each time you enter a new market. So what's a comedy writer to do? If you keep your audience in mind as you develop your material, you'll write stronger, better impacting comedy pieces.

Relating to Your Audience You write. Others receive your writing through a medium, be it film, print, or live performance. They have to get what you're writing about; however, the burden of comprehension is on the writer, not the audience.

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Part 4 : The Craft of Comedy Writing T h e audience has no stake in the comedy process. Its only function is to be open to receiving your jokes. Other than that, it's up to you, the writer, to make sure that what they receive pleases them. When I was 25,1 was booked to perform comedy for a private function called the "Widows' 40 Club." T h e person who booked me for the show assured me it would be a group of widowed women in their 40s. When I got to the function, I realized that this group was made up of women who have been widowed for at least 40 years. Bag of Tricks

Whenever I think a writing assignment or an audience is beyond my realm of experiences, I do what writers have been doing for generations— I research the subject. Sure, it's better to write about what you know, but what's stopping you from learning (or learning more about) the subject at hand?

A deep panic set in. My topics were out: music, culture, dating, sex, and parents. What the hell would I talk about? As it turned out, I was able to relate to them by talking about food, travel, and children. For them, children meant grandchildren. I survived the night. Part of good comedy writing is relating to your audience. Face it—people aren't all that different. You can find common ground with almost anyone if you try.

Cater, Don't Pander I've been telling you to know your audience and let them dictate where the comedy should go. To many purists, this will seem like I'm telling you to pander to your audience. I'm not. I do, however, believe you should cater to them. What's the difference? Control and intent. If your audience is racist and sexist and you write racist or sexist material, they are in control. If your intent is to please them at all costs and not just to write comedy, that's pandering.

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Cory Kahaney is a wonderful stand-up comic and was a finalist on NBC's Lost Comic c Standing. She gave me some insight on incorporating her audience into her process:

Sure, I could write about any subject, but you don't do comedy in a bubble. You have to keep the audience in mind, so you bridge what you want to do with what they want to hear.

Chapter IT: Who's Going to Laugh at This? 1 6 5 If an audience doesn't respond to your heady observations on politics but you've written a bit about hunting you know they'd love, that's what you need to present to them. You'll win them over, but you'll do it with comedy you have developed by choice and are proud of. You haven't surrendered control to them. Your intent was to write something funny, which you did, on your terms. You didn't pander, you catered.

You Have to Do It Anyway In most cases, you won't even be able to get your comedy in front of an audience until you cater it to some audience. What publisher is going to invest the time and money into producing your work until he's sure someone will buy it? Films and sitcoms go through massive testing processes before the general public gets to laugh at them. Even your average small-town newspaper running your personal experience essay will pull the plug on it if it feels your comedy doesn't fit your community's standards. Funny Files Stand-up comics are about the only group of comedy professionals who have to change what they do based on their audience. A club audience changes constantly, so the comic has to be ready to make adjustments. Some comics say an audience shouldn't dictate what you do. Perhaps. But your employer hired an entertainer, not a preacher. If you have the material to please a crowd and deliberately avoid doing it, you're not

T h e key is to have a wide arsenal to pick from. The more premises you write about, the more points of view you can express, the more likely it is that you'll have something or be able to write something that can please even the pickiest audience.

Exercise: How Wide Is Your Spectrum? Do you have a wide spectrum of comedy material? Make a list of the things you commonly write about and who you think they'll appeal to. This gives you a profile of your comedy type. Next, find the places within your genre where you think your comedy won't be well received. If you write personal experience essays that appeal to middle-aged people, an M T V set audience might not like you. If you write plays with an upper-middle-class bent, blue-collar audiences might be your nemesis. Once you identify your nemesis audience, make a list of topics that would work for them. Then, see where that list matches things you have an interest in. If you have places where the two lists converge, there's your common ground. Write the bit.

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Edgy Humor One of the most difficult types of comedy to match to an audience is edgy humor. Going to the outer limits of good taste or societal norms might be a way to distinguish your brand of comedy from other people's, but it can also brand you as too "outthere" and, thus, inaccessible to the audience. Edgy humor requires a delicate balance of provocative insights and satisfying punch lines to keep the audience locked on to what you're saying. If you can walk this tightrope, you'll be able to survive in the dark outer reaches of conventional humor.

Shock Comedy Shock comedy is that unique style that doesn't just push the boundaries of good taste— it shatters them. Some people believe that shock comedy only works because of its unexpected nature. Although that might be true, don't underestimate the fact that well-written shock comedy can inspire people for generations. Years after Lenny Bruce was arrested for public obscenity, people still laugh, and comics still turn to him for inspiration. The production scene in the film The Producers, where gorgeous women dressed as Nazi Storm Troopers form a kick-line in the shape of a swastika, is a wonderful example of shock comedy brought to an abstract level. It holds up, even today. And let's not even mention that kid with the pie in American Pie; people will be laughing at that for generations. Shock comedy fails more often than not because of the writer, not the tool. If everyone is trying to shock the audience with provocative sexual questions, how long will it be before this stops being shocking and just becomes boring? Shock comedy can run the gamut from There's Something About Mary to Kentucky Fried Movie. If you want an example of this style of comedy done right, get your hands on Bill Hicks's Relentless CD. Bill mixed odd, often angry imagery with poetic language and wonderful insights into the human condition.

Even more daunting is matching shock comedy to an audience. For a group of grannies working the bakeoff at the local V F W fund-raiser, the word poop might be enough to send them over the edge. For a crosscountry pack of hard-core motorcycle enthusiasts, anything short of major destruction might be considered ho-hum. You need to gauge just how far you can go and when you can go there, based on your audience. Otherwise, they might be too bored, or too heated, to care.

Chapter IT: Who's Going to Laugh at This? 167 Insult H u m o r No longer from head to foot than from hip to hip, she is spherical, like a globe. I could find out countries in her! —William Shakespeare, T h e Comedy of Errors What, you thought insult comedy started with Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog? Long before that hand puppet barked out his first insult, writers were incorporating insults into their work. Insult comedy is one of the rare forms of ultra-aggressive comedy. Most comedy styles appeal to a mass audience and try to have the members feel as if they're part of a group. Insult comedy, on the other hand, attempts to single out the audience members. Insult comedy is, in effect, confronting the audience. Hey pal, nice of you to read my book. I can tell you're reading because your lips are moving. Insult comedy also creates another dynamic. It isolates and unifies. T h e insulted is isolated while the laughter unifies all others. This type of comedy is precarious because of the necessary variable—the target of the insult. T h e target of the insult has a relationship with the audience. For instance, if you hurl insult humor toward a political figure in an essay, how do you know exactly how the reader feels about that figure? Comics in nightclubs run across this problem whenever they venture out into the audience and insult an audience member. On occasion, the crowd rallies around the target instead of laughing.

Bag of Tricks A safer way to use insult comedy and to find an audience for it is to do it in conjunction with character work. If the insult isn't tossed out into the "real" world but instead is bandied about among your fictional characters, the audience can sit back and laugh safely. That's why comedy teams and ventriloquists are able to use insult humor so well.

Adult" Comedy Let's face it—most "adult" comedy sounds as if it were written by teenage boys. Filled with expletives and talk about such varied topics as fooling around, humping, f&#*@Ag, and sex, this form of humor is perhaps the most limiting and, oddly enough, the most prevalent.

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P a r t i : The Craft of Comedy Writing W h y is it so popular? Two reasons: Most comedy writers think it's easier to write, and many comedy writers believe "blue" comedy is what the audience wants. Both of these assumptions are wrong. It's just as easy to write comedy about fourteenth-century monks as it is to write comedy about premature ejaculation. You use the same tools; you incubate, develop, and format each idea the same way. Both take the audience the same amount of attention and dedication to receive. What is different is the interest and experience levels the audience brings. Let's face facts—hot sex is almost always more interesting than a bunch of guys in robes chanting. Comedy writers pick up on that and think it means that sex is an easier laugh. If you think more people want adult comedy, consider the following: • With very few exceptions, publication markets have parameters on both content and language. So unless you're writing a funny yet erotic letter for a nudie magazine, you can't do it anyway. • Most humorous cartoons are geared toward families or kids. • Sitcoms have to consider the standards and practices of the network before an episode can air. Yes, there is some sex there, but not as much as you think. • Films have a rating system. You can push the envelope a lot, but you are still limited. • Stand-up comics can say almost anything, but unless you're a star, big-money gigs such as casinos, cruise ships, and corporate functions have language and content restrictions. T h e bottom line is, keeping it clean enables more people to have access to your comedy. You don't want to be Pollyanna or have no bite whatsoever, but writing about things that extend beyond the range of bodily fluids is more than just a good idea, it's good business.

Topical Joke or Cheap Shot? Jokes about the president's health-care package are topical. Jokes about a politician's family or the size of your congressman's head are just cheap shots. T h e true test of which is which is whether the humor comes from an intelligent thought or comparison or if it just pokes fun at the superficial aspects of a person or group. Learn the difference between these two types of humor and decide which, if either, you want to include in your work.

Chapter 17: Who's Going to Laugh at This? 1 6 9 Both have an audience; however, the audience for topical material tends to be narrower because the comedy requires knowledge of the subject. But this material does tend to be stronger and more memorable.

Staying Unique Another challenge you'll face, especially when you're writing topical material, is staying unique. It stands to reason that it's hard to find a way above the crowd when everyone's writing about the same subject. You have to mine the one unique property each comedy writer possesses—your own feelings. If you constantly pull from your own beliefs rather than from popular opinion, you'll be sure to bring a unique voice to the table.

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Comedy Pros

Lou Viola, one of the talent coordinators for the Aspen Comedy Festival, spoke about the difficulties comedy writers face in keeping their voices unique: What's frustrating to me is the homogenization of American culture. If you sit at home all day as a comedy writer, watching C N N , reading USA Today, and watching Sports Center, you're essentially absorbing the same media everybody else is absorbing. You have to do more than regurgitate what you're hearing to me. That's just stopping any creativity that might shine through. Go beyond the intake of information, and let me learn something about you.

During the time of the Clinton sex scandal, I was part of a political round-table discussion at a local college. There were several humorists present—some of us comics and some print humorists as well. Earlier on the day we met, Monica Lewinski had testified before the Congressional panel. Each member of our discussion wrote comedy based on Lewinski's testimony. One panel member commented on how ridiculous it was that the president's sexual activities were on trial and then proceeded to conduct hearings for Jefferson, Kennedy, and Carter. Another humorist decided to read a list of things not being discussed in Washington because this scandal was more important. I pointed out that when White House scholars will read the racy testimony in future generations, it'll seem like a cheap romance novel. "She was a wide-eyed intern with a schoolgirl crush. He was the leader of the free world. Theirs was a relationship doomed to failure ..."

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Part 4 : The Craft of Comedy Writing Three comedy writers saw the same event, but by focusing the information through the prism of our own opinions, we each came up with something unique.

The Least You Need to Know • You can find common ground with anyone through comedy. • Every place you sell your comedy will have rules. Be sure you keep your audience in mind when you're writing. •

Shock comedy is defined as much by the audience as it is by the comic.

• Insult comedy is risky because the audience might feel sympathy toward the target and not laugh. • It's just as easy to write an intelligent piece of comedy as it is to write a stereotypical sex joke. • Use your own experiences and emotions to turn common premises into uncommon comedy.

Chapter

Not All Jokes Work Everywhere In This Chapter • Checking your comedy for signs of life • Defining your comedy style by your target market • Writing your joke correctly (not making it fit wherever) • Selling your joke You've spent the first 17 chapters learning to write comedy. Now you want to start marketing your material. Hold on there a minute, cowboy. Do you leave the house without double-checking to be sure you have everything you need? No. So let's double-check your comedy material as well. Before you enter the world of marketing and fitting your comedy into genres, stop and check to be sure you've got brilliant jokes and good comedy construction. That's what paid comedy writers do, and you want to be one of those, don't you?

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Does It Have a Pulse? Where's the best place to look to see if your comedy is ready to sell? Start at the most basic point by asking yourself if your work has a pulse. All too often, comedy writers— and especially new comedy writers—overthink, overedit, overexplain, and overreach the comedy. We push, prod, and pull each joke so much that there's little life left in the comedy. In effect, we overanalyze the funny out of our comedy. Bag of Tricks Oftentimes we writers are so excited about a bit that we can't see any of its flaws. If need be, take a step back and let some time pass before you examine the piece again. A few hours or even a few days will help give you the clear perspective you need to examine the piece honestly.

Don't let this happen to you. Make sure your comedy still has some life left in it. After you spend time micromanaging each joke, step back and look at the comedy piece as a whole. Is it still funny? Can people still follow your logic? Does it have the feel you wanted it to have? Don't underestimate this examination step in the process. Making sure your entire piece works well is just as important—or maybe even more important— than making sure each individual joke works. Don't let passion and effort cloud your judgment.

Styles Define Markets Your comedic style will define where you can sell your comedy. If you tend to write scathing lines that focus on the dark humor in society, chances are you won't be writing for a retirement roast. If you tend to tell stories, you won't get a job writing short quips for magazines. Be honest when you assess your individual pieces and your strengths so you can market your talent wisely. Funny Files Each type of writing and each buyer will have its own rules. Keeping track of these rules is nearly a full-time job in itself. A good shortcut is to read trade magazines for the type of writing you want to sell to. A magazine such as Scr(i)pt can tell an emerging screenwriter more about the specific discipline than a publication that doesn't specialize in screenwriting. Every genre has its own trade publications. Do yourself a favor and read them.

Some Jokes Need to Be Said Some jokes rely heavily on inflections, or melodic sounds, so they need to be said. More to the point, they need to be performed. This performance can range from a

Chapter 18: Not All Jokes Work Everywhere 1 7 3 solo speaker such as a stand-up comic to multiple characters in a film or on a stage. If you can take the straight reading of the piece to mean more than one thing, then overwhelmingly, you will need to perform it. W h e n you create comedy, look at how it'll best be understood. If it seems like the joke needs a performer to carry it, it does.

Some Jokes Need to Be Read In some cases, inflections might cloud your comedy. You might even need more time than a live performer would have to flesh out your material. If this sounds like your work, it needs to be read. Nothing comes off more amateurish than someone trying to make one type of comedy obviously written for one medium fit into another medium. If it needs to be read, put it in print.

Some Jokes Need to Be Seen Lucy and Harpo doing the mirror gag; the expression on Charlie Brown's face as he lies flat on his back the moment after Lucy pulls the ball away; Jackie Gleason dressed for a golf outing on The Honeymooners—these are just a few of the gags I've come across that need to be seen to really be appreciated. Some humor is purely visual. Although there might be a line accompanying it, the thrust of the comedy is visual. If I wrote a book full of words (no, not this one), I still could not do justice when describing the scene with Lucy and Harpo. If you're marketing something visual, you need to show the buyer, not tell him.

There's Room for Every Joke Some comics think they need to write a joke for a particular market. Don't fall into this trap. Instead, realize that there's a market for every joke. Whatever you write, somebody somewhere will find it funny. T h e key is to do enough research to find out where that somebody is and get your joke into his or her hands. I've sold comedy to children's markets. I've had plays produced. I've performed in jazz clubs. I've written comedy for politicians of every leaning. I've found homes for material about boxing, science, ice skating, and building maintenance. It doesn't matter what material, tone, or style you use in your comedy; with research and effort, you can and will find out where and how to sell your comedy.

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Part 4 : The Craft of Comedy Writing Keep your audience in mind during the writing process, but realize that your audience possibilities will vary.

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y Comedy Pros

Bret Watson, seasoned comedy writer and former editor for Stuff magazine, talks about the importance of finding the right market for your comedy piece: There's a tone to something, an attitude that goes along with the prose. The New York Times has a different tone than Vanity Fair. They use the same tools, the same language, and the same grammar; but there's a whole worldview implied behind it. The overall tone of the publication gives you a context to read an individual piece. Comedy writers need to be aware of the overall tone of the piece they're writing for.

The Square Peg Meets the Round Hole I like being employed. There's just something about an income that tickles me. I realized early on in my writing career that several things all had to happen for me to make an income as a comedy writer: 1. I have to produce good, funny material. 2. I have to market my talents. 3. I have to be careful when I take a writing job.

No Laughing Matter If you're not willing to give someone the product he wants, another writer will.

When I'm writing for someone else, writing to his vision, I have to be sure I can produce what he wants to buy. I mean exactly what he wants to buy. Don't try to make your ideas fit, and don't force your views on the market, or you'll wind up unemployed. Comedy is a buyer's market. Stay focused on the buyer's needs, and write the funniest product you can for those needs.

The A to Z of Saleable Comedy Wouldn't it be nice if you had some sort of an A-to-Z guide that could tell you if a piece was funny or not? Well, lo and behold, now you do. What should you look for in your work before submitting it? Let me tell you ...

Chapter 18: Not All Jokes Work Everywhere 1 7 5

A Is for Abandon Have you gone out on a limb with your comedy? Too many writers play it safe, so if you're able to go just a touch farther than your competition, you'll have an edge.

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y Comedy Pros

Silly has its place. Lou Viola from NBC spoke recently about the type of performer who is able to harness pure silliness. He mentions stand-up comics specifically, but his point holds true for all types of comedy: It is the rare comic who can be so childishly foolish or blatantly stupid. It's the kind of comedy you would love to see with a four-year-old, [be]cause you both could laugh your asses off. Unabashedly laugh your asses off. That takes a certain kind of abandonment and a freedom of spirit by the performer. You have to have no soul and no blood in your veins not to be charmed by that.

Bis for Brief Have you edited your material as much as possible? If there's too much fat in what you're talking about, your jokes might be obscured. Keep it brief and you'll get positive results.

(Is for Crisp You have worked out your vocabulary and sentence structure, and you've picked the right words. Many people can write on the same topics, but crisp writing will make your work stand out.

D Is for Done Have you said everything you want to say with your piece? Nothing feels worse than submitting an article or performing a piece and then realizing that you had more to say. Be sure you're done writing before you start submitting.

E Is for Emotional You didn't think I'd let a whole chapter go by before I came back to this topic, did you? Be sure the audience has something to sink its teeth into.

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f Is for Funny This one is just basic. The material has to be funny before someone will buy it.

G Is for "Get It" No matter how funny your work is to you, other people have to be able to understand what you're talking about. Your comedy needs to be presented clearly so people can "get it."

Funny Files To avoid all confusion, let's define hack. Hack is banal or trite, something overused or done just for money. Hack is completely without artistic merit.

His for Hack This is exactly what you don't want. Are too many writers tackling the same subject matter you're writing on? Is your take on the topic uninspired? If it feels like someone should have written the piece already, someone probably did. Steer your material toward originality instead.

I Is for Information Oftentimes, the writer knows so much about the subject that he or she forgets that the audience might not be as knowledgeable. Be sure to include in your joke all the information critical for your audience to understand your comedy.

J Is for Jokes It's not enough for the audience to be amused—you want them to laugh. Be sure there are strong points of comedy—jokes—in your material so audience laughter is inevitable.

K Is for Killer Look at your piece once more and punch it up. Make sure every joke is strong and that the jokes are plentiful. Killer comedy is rare these days. Becoming a writer who is known for writing killer comedy will keep you working for a long time.

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L Is for Language Pick the right words. Could you choose better words to get your point across? Language conveys so much more than just the definitions of the words. Pay attention to your language. Bag of Tricks

M Is for Marketable Is the comedy you're working on proper for the genre and markets you're writing for? You might feel as if you've finished writing, but your piece might need some small adjustments to fit what the market needs.

When you write for spec (spec = no pay unless they like the completed work), it's a good idea to keep an eye on where you think the piece might go. Although this won't define what you write, it will help set concrete boundaries you shouldn't cross.

N Is for Natural T h e comedy needs to flow naturally. It shouldn't feel as if you just stuck together a bunch of random jokes. Your work needs a natural progression between subject and humor. It has to feel organic.

0 Is for Order Does your comedy have logic? It needs an order that makes sense for the piece. T h e order does not need to be linear, but it does have to fit the flow of your jokes.

P Is for Proofread and Polish A beginning writer cannot afford to make mistakes. Proofread and polish any writing before it goes to a buyer. You'd be surprised how picky people can be when something is misspelled or rough around the edges. (I'd hate for my publisher to call me and ask if English is my primary language.)

Q Is for Quality Are you putting your best effort into the marketplace? Quality comedy gets you more work. Double-check your effort when you put the work out into the world.

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R Is for Rhythm Be sure your comedy has a rhythm to it. It shouldn't read flat. You want it to be a page-turner.

Sis for Style Make your comedy a brand. Make your style come shining through your material. Never send out anything that seems ordinary or doesn't fit your sensibilities.

T Is for Tested Have someone you trust look over your material before you send it out. Be sure they get it and laugh at the appropriate spots. If they struggle with any sections, fix those sections before you send out your comedy. Never submit any untested material.

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No Laughing Matter

&* Be sure whoever tests your comedy is willing to be honest with you. For the most part, this means you should avoid people who love you or even like you a lot. Loved ones usually want to be supportive, so everything you produce will be brilliant in their eyes. Or they will want to give you tough love and deem nothing you write funny. Develop relationships with other comedy writers. They'll give you more accurate and usable feedback.

U Is for UJF T h e Universal Joke Formula (UJF) strikes back! Be sure you haven't edited the elements out of your joke.

V Is for Vision Are you saying what you want to say with your piece? It's not enough that it's funny; it also has to have content. Be sure your audience will be able to follow your vision.

Wis for Whole Be sure your piece has every element it should have. If the buyer wanted you to address certain topics, double-check to make sure they're in the piece.

Chapter 18: Not All Jokes Work Everywhere 1 7 9

X Is for Xiphoid I bet you thought I wouldn't have one for this letter! I do, and yes, I am that good. But because I picked an obscure word, I'll define it. Xiphoid means "pointed," or "shaped like a sword." Make both your subject and your comedy pointed. Make your topic clear and your comedy razor sharp. It is extremely important for your audience to understanding exactly what you're talking about. Barbed comedy helps keep your focus pointed.

Y Is for Yawn Don't bore your audience. Keep your comedy exciting. It's humor, not a speech or a eulogy, so be sure there are enough bells and whistles in your writing to make your audience pay attention.

Z Is for Zealot You have to be passionate about your comedy to sell it. Do you like this piece? Would it make you laugh? Your enthusiasm can go a long way to help you market your comedy. Of course, on top of all this, you also have to be sure your piece conforms to the rules of writing that apply to your specific market and genre. N o matter what you write, be sure your writing is ready for the small comedy community.

The Least You Need to Know • Make your entire comedy piece work. Don't just rely on individual jokes. • If a joke needs a certain inflection to be understood, it needs to be performed. • If a piece needs a deeper foundation of information to be funny, it needs to be read. • If the comedy is purely visual, it needs to be seen. • Whatever comedy you write, somebody will find it funny; do some research to find out who and where that somebody is. • Stay focused on the comedy buyer's needs, and write the funniest comedy you can to fit those needs.

Preparing to Be Professional In This Chapter • Keeping current • Developing your plan • Writing query letters, synopses, and resumes • Finding representation T h e first sound I fell in love with as a comedy writer was laughter. T h e sound of an audience laughing hooked me from the get-go. Years later, I have found a sound that tickles me almost as much: the ca-ching sound my checkbook program makes whenever I log in another deposit. We live in a greed-based world. Laughter can't pay the rent; cash is king. Writing funny comedy is only half the battle—now you have to sell it. How do you do that? Keep reading.

Keeping Your Ideas Current Would you buy stale bread? Would you pay money for month-old milk? No, I bet you wouldn't. Why, then, would you think someone would want to buy old comedy?

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Part 4 : The Craft of Comedy Writing You have to—have to, have to, have to, have to—keep your ideas and work current. There's no excuse for not being current. You should be writing all the time, updating your older work, and pushing forward with your ideas so you have a supply of fresh comedy to bring to the market.

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Comedy Pros

Eddie Brill is the person responsible for finding comics for the Late Show, and he also happens to be one of the funniest stand-up comics in the world. He told me this about keeping comedy ideas fresh: The audience gets tired of hearing person after person talking about the same tired premise. When they hear something that's fresh, their ears perk up. They realize when something is unique, so they're excited, and they respond to it. They know more than you think.

T h e biggest complaint I've heard from producers, publishers, and club owners is that comedy writers sometimes lack originality. Too many people are bringing the same, overused premises to market months after the excitement is over. You don't want to be the eighty-seventh person bringing the same idea to the table. Of course some ideas will attract multiple writers. When the president makes a trip abroad, it stands to reason that any political comedy writer worth his salt would write about it. In that case, you either have to be the first one to bring your piece to the industry or your perspective has to be so unique that it doesn't matter if the topic has already been covered.

Knowing What Ideas to Develop Next Keeping your ideas current is your responsibility as a comedy writer; knowing what ideas to develop next is the magic. You have to learn, often by trial and extreme error, what ideas need to be next into the hopper. Although it's essential to develop this skill when you're writing topical comedy, it's also important in every type of comedy writing. Comedy fiction writers need to know where the market is leaning if they want to get published. Comedy screenwriters need to know what styles are on the cutting edge so they can tailor their films to match. Sitcom writers need to know where a series is headed to write an effective spec-script. Knowing what product to develop next could be the difference between making a sale and going broke. Have your finger firmly on the pulse of the market and know how to spot a prime idea. Once your idea is fully developed, get it to the market ASAP.

Chapter 19: Preparing to Be Professional 1 8 3 Okay, W h a t Next? What idea should you develop next? WTiat should you look for? When you have two ideas competing for your writing attention, ask yourself these questions before you develop your next premise: • Has another comedy writer made the idea popular? •

Do I have enough information or knowledge to write the idea quickly?

•

Can I write the idea quickly, so it can be brought to market while there's still an audience for it?

• Have I identified an audience for the material? • Do I have access to that audience? • Can I visualize enough comedy in the idea to make it worthwhile? • Is the idea the timeliest one I can think of? If Dave Barry just covered the topic, chances are no one will want your take on it. Your idea has to be extremely current and one you're confident you can make funny— quickly—without getting bogged down by a ton of research. Also, be sure you can sell your idea to someone specific—and you can realistically get it into that person's hands.

Developing a Plan So where do you start? You need a plan. Every business has a plan of attack. If you were introducing a product or opening a store, you'd have a system for getting the job done. You're running a business of selling your comedy; you need the same setup. You have to constantly know your next few steps. Unless you have a major publishing deal or are a staff writer for a television show, comedy writing is essentially a freelance position. Anybody who has ever freelanced can tell you that the beauty of a freelance position is that you can choose the work you want to pursue. T h e downside is that unless you choose it well, you can wind up living hand-to-mouth. T h e image of the starving artist might be glamorous, but the reality of poverty is much less so.

Bag of Tricks Always develop more than one project at a time. As a comedy writer, you have to keep churning out funny material. When you work on just one idea, you can become bored and lose what's funny about it. By working on two or more radically different ideas, you can switch back and forth whenever something starts to bore you or you start to veer off track.

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Part 4: The Craft of Comedy Writing Knowing what's next keeps you working, makes you establish a good work ethic, and provides the first step toward your becoming a professional comedy writer.

Pie in the Sky vs. Pie in the Face Be realistic with your development plan. If you've spent a year as a comic line writer, don't think you can churn out a feature-length romantic comedy screenplay in one week. There's a learning curve here. Give yourself time to do the job right. T h e last thing you want is for your effort to fall short of the standard of excellence your reputation has already developed. Give careful consideration to each new project, and be sure you allow yourself enough time to write it well.

Money for Funny Now for the subject most comedy writers yearn for: money. My first paycheck as a comedy writer came on September 27, 1983.1 was performing stand-up at a New York City club called Good Times. T h e M C did a bit about college, and because I was 19 and in college at the time, I had a few insights on the subject. We joked around with each other for a little while, then he asked me if I could write a few jokes for him. I agreed, and the next day I gave him a sheet of paper containing 20 jokes.

Bag of Tricks As a comedy writer, you can sell three main types of work: scripts, print comedy, and individual lines or jokes. Each category has subgenres with their own specific rules of sale, but on the whole, how you approach the majority of genres within each of these categories is often very similar.

H e looked them over, told me which ones he liked and why, and finally decided to buy six. He paid me a whopping $60. At the time, I was making about $250 a week working in a flower shop after classes, so $60 for 6 jokes that took me 15 minutes to write seemed like a killing. I was in the lap of luxury! I was 19 years old with $60 in my pocket—the drinks are on me! After that first successful sale, I started approaching other comics, asking if they wanted some material. Most of the time they turned me down, but on occasion, I would make a sale. Fortunately for me, I was too young to realize I was doing it wrong. After I had a handful of sales, I finally learned the right way to hawk my comedy writing.

Chapter 19: Preparing to Be Professional 1 8 5 No Laughing Matter Although you can rework and resell jokes for newspaper articles, books, etc., you can't if you're writing for stand-up comics. You cannot sell a joke to one comic, then turn around and sell it to another. The same goes with the late-night talk-shows. If you do try to resell, you'll wind up out of business very quickly. However, it's perfectly acceptable to sell the same topical joke to multiple radio personalities—provided you don't sell it twice in the same market.

Dear Sir or Ma'am: Would You Like to Laugh? For the most part, regardless of what you're selling, you'll have to introduce yourself to the market. Short of a face-to-face introduction via a third party, a query letter is the standard of introduction in the industry. Your query letter is a one-page, single-spaced blurb introducing your writing, printed in a readable font on quality stationery. It's meant to tickle the fancy of a potential buyer of your material. It's not a place where you beg someone for permission to send them your work. Never beg—sell ideas and talents. In your first paragraph, explain why you're writing to the person holding your query letter. And be sure to send your letter to a person, not just a company! Relate why you think your piece might be right for them. If someone who has a relationship with the reader of your letter referred you, mention that here. In your second paragraph, tell about your writing. Now, don't panic—the game isn't won or lost on this paragraph. However, if your work sounds boring, unfunny, or overdone here, the reader might pass on it. Make this paragraph reflective of your style of comedy. In other words, make the reader laugh in paragraph two. Now you need to sell them on you in paragraph three. Include all your relevant information, such as a brief glimpse of your writing history or whatever expertise you have in the subject you're writing. If you have no professional writing credits, focus on relevant writing contests you've won or writing programs you've completed. If you believe something will make you attractive to the reader, include it. Bottom line: Sell yourself!

Bag of Tricks When pitching longer works such as screenplays or novels, you can break up the pitch section of your letter into two paragraphs. Tell the story of the piece in the first of these paragraphs, and use the second to point out the unique elements of your particular piece of writing.

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Even if you write the greatest query letter of all time on the back of some dog-eared paper or in crayon, no one will ever read it. If you want to be professional, you have to look professional.

• Don't compare your piece to another. • Build your case, but don't brag. • Pitch one idea per letter. • Identify the audience for your piece within the letter. • Show the twist that makes your piece different from others they've seen before.

And definitely tailor these general guidelines to the specific rules of the genre you're writing. Bag of Tricks Some writers include a self-addressed stamped postcard for a reply, but I wouldn't. If you're going to include anything, include an SASE (self-addressed stamped envelope). Although you spend more on postage and the envelope, you will learn more from your query than you would with just a postcard. A form-letter rejection is usually an indicator that your query is not good. A personalized rejection, although it still makes you feel crappy, can oftentimes lead to a dialogue between you and the buyer, which may pay dividends in the future.

What's the Story? Another sales tool you'll have to create for longer forms of comedy—regardless of genre—is a synopsis, a brief document that gives the essence of your story. It's written

Chapter 19: Preparing to Be Professional 1 8 7 in present tense and narrative form and can range from 2 to 20 pages. Unless the person you're submitting it to makes a specific request, a synopsis usually runs about 10 double-spaced pages. Present all the key elements of your work, including the ending. This is your brief chance to interest a buyer, so don't hold back. The reader must learn who all the main characters are, what their objectives are, and what obstacles exist for them. Tell the major events, reveal any important plot twists, and show your phenomenally exciting ending. Anything less won't do. Synopsis styles vary widely, so pay special attention to the guidelines you've been given. As always, make sure your contact info is prominently displayed so this person can easily contact you once he falls in love with your comedy.

Resume: French for "I Need a Job" All genres will probably want a resume or at the very least a list of references. Have one and revise it constantly. If you have no comedy writing credits to note, don't worry— everyone goes through this phase. Push your other related credentials. A good resume is one page long—never more. Set it in an eye-pleasing layout, and use good-quality paper and dark ink. Proofread it carefully or ask someone you trust to read it. Oh, and never lie on your resume even if there's only a small chance you'll get caught. Comedy's a small community, and you never know who knows who.

Buyers and Bloodsuckers Now for the people you'll be contacting about your work. Across all genre lines, these folks fall into two categories: buyers and bloodsuckers. Buyers are the people who can actually cut you a check. Bloodsuckers are the middlemen—the agents, managers, etc.—who get your writing into the hands of the buyers.

A Buyer Is a Buyer Is a Buyer... T h e buyer's title will differ depending on the genre, but underneath it all, the important fact is that he's still a buyer. You have to please your buyer. After all, you don't write comedy just for your own amusement; you write for someone to buy it.

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Comedy Pros

How important is it to please the buyer? Bret Watson, who has been writing comedy for a quality publication for a long time, had this to say: All humor is tied to money. You want to make money. A club owner or publisher wants to make money. You can be an idealist and say it shouldn't work that way. You could buck the system and try to make them come to your vision, but then you'll end up young and dead like Lenny Bruce.

T h e buyer can be a book publisher. For periodical writers, the buyer is usually the editor. For cartoon writers, he could be an editor but is more likely a syndicate. In film and television, the buyers are producers and development people. In the theater, he's the producer, but you also have to deal with a dramaturge. In radio, you're either selling to producers of individual shows or the station's program director. If you're selling individual jokes to a person or talk show, you either deal with a specific contact person or the buyer directly. If you're hired to do some corporate copywriting or speech writing, you will also have a specific contact person. All these people have one thing in common: Each has specific needs. If you ask them what they're looking for, they'll probably just say "funny stuff," but as the seller, you have to be more specific in your marketing. Learn what the buyer wants before you start sending out your material.

90 Percent of Something Beats 100 Percent of Nothing Ah, the bloodsuckers! This is how most writers refer to their representatives, and it's not a term of endearment. From a writer's perspective, the writers do all the work and the representatives just cash the checks. Nothing is farther from the truth. A good representative is worth her weight in gold. First, who are these bloodsuckers—er—writer's reps? Anyone can say she represents a writer, but the industry defines two categories: agents and managers. These two kinds of reps have the connections to get your script into the hands of a producer. More important than an agent's or manager's connections is his or her passion. Does the person representing your work believe in your work? T h e more excited he is about you and your stuff, the better he can sell it. Also, how personal is the service he provides? If you sign with a major agent at a major agency and he has 45 other clients including the "name" writers, how much service are you going to get? Sometimes it's better to go with an up-and-coming agent or manager to get that personal service.

Chapter 19: Preparing to Be Professional 1 8 9

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Jason Steinberg runs Steinberg Talent in New York City, a firm that represents comics and comedy writers. I asked him what he looks for when he considers representing someone: When I look at a comic or comedy writer to represent, they really have to make me laugh—and laugh hard and often! I'm the one who will be selling them, so I must truly believe in them. I've been in the comedy business for 15 years, so I know what funny is. Also, I want to work with a quality person. Life is too short and too great to work with people I can't be proud of.

Agents are also the most definable of the bloodsuckers—I mean representatives—I have to quit doing that! They're responsible for getting you work. They should sell your comedy now and also bring you other paying writing opportunities in the future. Agents are licensed by the state in which they work. Their rates differ according to genre, so do your research. All writers' agents are called literary agents. It's important that the literary agent you work with has experience selling your type of writing. A book agent has no pull in Hollywood, and vise versa. Choose wisely when picking an agent. Managers are a bit more nebulous. If you believe the contract most of them will hand you, a manager's job is to "advise and counsel" his client, and they "do not procure work for their clients." In reality, this means a manager directs a writer's career. He helps in the decision-making process and serves as a conduit between you, the artist, and the rest of the industry. Managers, like agents, come in all shapes and sizes. Managers are more closely identified with their clients than agents, though, so you can tell a lot about a manager by looking at his or her roster. Also, managers are much more informal than agents, so it's rfl^lSiP i • • i• *< ,r , „ , ^ r •, . H P " ~ H N O Laughing Matter not unusual tor them to work out ot their n 1 homes or hold meetings at places such as the ^"when dealing Use your discretion with own a manager. If Friar's Club. he makes you feel uneasy or you Also, although there is no promise of work don't like the business vibe you get from him, run. between a manager and client, ultimately work will cross your manager's desk and wind up in your lap.

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P a r t * : The Craft of Comedy Writing Funny Files If you write in multiple genres, a good manager is absolutely necessary. A while back, my manager looked at the markets and saw growth potential in sports writing. He urged me to develop samples and scripts in that area. I did as he suggested, and it led to a two-season run as the head writer on a sports show and a writing assignment for an NBC special, neither of which I would have gotten without his creative vision.

Managers are not licensed by states and are not usually signatories to any unions or guilds. They can charge whatever they can get, although the industry standard hovers around 15 percent. Also, agents cannot be producers, but managers can be. Oftentimes, less-than-ethical managers have been known to short-change their clients and pad their own pockets. Always read and understand any contract a manager hands you, even if it means taking it to an attorney to look over before you sign it. Just a word of caution: If an agent or manager wants to charge you a fee to read your work, run away. It's his job to find writers, and charging is unacceptable. The only costs you should pay are reasonable office costs. If your material needs to be messengered somewhere or he needs six copies of your stuff in a hurry—fine. Phone calls, lunches, etc.—not fine. Remember, he works for you, not the other way around. Don't be afraid to question everything or even say no.

Who's Reading What? When you start sending out your writing, you'll need a system to track where it's all going. I found this system very effective when I started. I used it mostly with screenwriting contacts, but the person who taught me this system had a background in magazine writing, so it can work across the board. Here's my system: Every week, I send out 10 query-letter packages. After four weeks, I go over the list and see who hasn't responded. I send each of these people a postcard reminder about my query letter. If someone doesn't respond to either mailing, he's off my list. Every six weeks, I send out a general postcard to every industry contact I have. On this card, I detail my achievements over the past six weeks. In reality, this is just a reason to put my name in front of them.

Chapter 19: Preparing to Be Professional 1 9 1 Funny Files Don't think this system works? Think about this: Recently, a film script I wrote finished second in a small screenwriting contest. (If I ever find who aced me out, it's on!) I put the film's log line on a postcard, along with the contest information and my contact numbers. Within a few days, I had a handful of companies calling me for a copy of my script. It doesn't get much easier than that.

When I send out a submission (package, not query), I usually ask the person I'm sending it to how long he needs to respond. Whatever he says, I add two weeks. If I haven't heard anything after that time, I send a reminder postcard. Targeted mailings have a much better return than blind mailings, and knowing where you've sent queries and how the addressees responded can help you when you're getting the next project ready to send.

The Least You Need to Know • Good representation is worth its weight in gold. • You need a logical plan for what comedy to develop next. • Keeping your work and your resume current are two very good ideas. • Personal contacts are your most effective form of business.

If It's Funny, It's Money In This Chapter •

Selling your scripts

• Profiting from your play • Marketing your manuscripts • Making a good first impression It would be too easy if you could market and sell all genres of your comedy writing the same way. How and to whom you sell your script differs from how and to whom you sell your articles, which differs from how and to whom you sell your cartoons, etc. Marketing is tedious, but not impossible. Don't be afraid to get your stuff out there. You might just wind up with a nice paycheck for your efforts.

Action! Let's start with scripts. Selling a script requires you to consider some specifics. Besides having to study a different market than other writers, you also have to understand the limitations that budgets bring. Most novels cost roughly the same amount to produce, but play, sitcom, and screenplay budgets can vary beyond belief, based on even the smallest changes.

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Part 4 : The Craft of Comedy Writing Print comedy is both a smaller market and a wider market. What? You don't understand? Let me explain. There are a wide variety of publication types, such as newspapers, magazines, and books. However, within these publication types, fewer and fewer publishers will take a chance on print comedy. Moreover, the money within this market is also a bit limited. Cartoons also fall into this market, although animated cartoons on the web have increasingly become an option. Let's consider the specifics of each, shall we?

Selling Your Screenplay You finish a script and are beginning to "shop it around." Where do you take it? W h o will look at it? What are they looking for? Is your script good enough to get in the mix? To effectively market your script, you need to understand the industry you're selling to. You need to know how the film industry works.

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No Laughing Matter _

<*** Be friendly with everyone in the screenwriting industry. That assistant you wanted to yell at six months ago now may be in charge of development. Keep your options open by treating everyone in Hollywood with respect, no matter what his or her title.

You vs. the Film Industry T h e job of everyone in the industry is to tell you no. Every script represents time and money to a producer or an agent. Even the lowly reader, whose job it is to sort out the good scripts from the bad, is told to find a reason, any reason, to say no to a script. Readers comb through reams of scripts a week, so the reason might be as simple as your script's not being in the proper format (see Chapter 2 3 for info on formatting).

Bag of Tricks A whole subcultural linguistic thing is happening out in California, babe. (In Los Angeles, everyone is babe.) You need to speak the language to fit in with the natives. Study Appendix A for a short list of "the industry's" trendiest terms, then get out there and sell!

Your job as a writer is to make it impossible for anyone to say no to your script. Tons of talented screenwriters are pounding on the same doors you are. Many of them have more experience. Your script can't be as good as the next writer's; it must be measurably better. Getting someone to say yes isn't luck, it's the payoff for all the hard work you've done, writing and marketing your script.

Chapter ZO: If It's Funny, It's Honey 1 9 5

Pitches and Paperwork From Chapter 19, you know you had to have a query letter to get the ball rolling. Now you have a buyer interested in your work. What other kinds of paperwork do you need? One of the first things you'll need is a log-line pitch, a brief, three- or four-sentence description of your story. Within these few sentences, your reader must understand the plot, the characters, the action, as well as the tone and genre of your script. This description must make the person reading it or hearing it want to read your script. You'll use this pitch in query letters and in meetings and, if you're lucky, eventually on the back of the DVD/video box. T h e pitch needs to last the life of the project, so make it a good one. There are other types of pitches as well. All are basically similar to the log line but have increasing levels of information. T h e one-page pitch is a one- to three-paragraph exploration of the broad strokes of your story. If it's short enough, this can be the body of your query letter. It should give a good indication of the arc of the story and the protagonist's journey. Next comes the synopsis. Think of the synopsis as your screenplay in story form. It can include snippets of dialogue and highlight story points in a dynamic manner. Unlike the one-page pitch, though, the synopsis needs to entertain as well as inform. Finally, there's the treatment, which is a scene-by-scene breakdown of your screenplay told in narrative form. Emphasis is not as much about the quality of the prose in this document as it is on the breakdown of the story and the parts. This document helps the set designer, location manager, etc., so the key is to be rich with details and leave nothing unmentioned.

Bag of Tricks Create a boilerplate of each business document you need, then customize your pitches for different people. Not every film company has the same needs. Be sure to address every potential buyer's individual needs.

"Dear Person Who Holds My Future in Your Hands..." W h o should you send to first? If you have a solid pitch and your query letter is ready to go, send to everyone—agents, managers, producers, editors, etc. Pick one or a few and start sending as many and as often as you can. T h e submission process is the same for agents as it is for producers, so keep track of the submissions in the same way.

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Part ^: The Craft of Comedy Writing Always send your query to a specific person. A generally addressed letter is an easyto-ignore letter. Also, send only what he's asked for. Sending the whole script when he only wants a query is a surefire way not to get read. Bag of Tricks

Remember, whenever you contact someone, add that person to your list of industry friends. It's not unusual for someone to have a meteoric rise through the industry, so you never know when someone will be in a great position to help you.

A good resource for finding specific people is a book called Hollywood Creative Directory. It lists production companies, what they produce, and addresses and contact information. To get an idea about the budgets they work with, look at what films the company has been involved with. Always be sure both the genre of the film you've written and the approximate budget fit the style of the companies you're sending to. Don't know the budget of your film? Find another film similar in style and use that as a guideline. Also, coverage usually includes cost breakdowns. Funny Files

Coverage is what studio execs use to gauge a script's viability. A professional writer reads and critiques the script, then sends a short story and budget breakdown to the producer. You can get the same type of coverage the studios get for your own script. Advertisements for readers abound in the back of every screenwriting magazine. Schools such as Gotham Writers' Workshop offer reading services as well. You can even find referrals to professional readers on websites such as comedyanswers.com. Coverage costs money, but if you want to double-check your script before you send it out, the cost might be worth it.

T h e Directory is published quarterly and usually runs around $50—rather pricey for a book that is updated every three months. You need the most recent edition because most executives' tenure at a production company is shorter than a pop diva's skirt. Keep in mind, too, that some companies, especially indies and foreign film producers, don't list here. Keep your ears open for new producers, and attack each lead passionately. To find agents and managers, consult the Hollywood Representation Directory. Again, you'll need the latest one to be current. Even then, you'll need to verify any agent's or manager's information with a phone call to the company. Use an excuse like you're verifying spelling and ask to speak with the agent's or manager's assistant. Don't bother the agent or manager directly, and don't pitch your script on the phone. Remember, agents and managers change companies frequently, so stay on top of who's where.

Chapter 2 0 : If It's funny, It's Honey 1 9 7

ISO Representation You're looking for literary representation, but specializing in film, TV, theater, books, etc. To know who can best represent you requires more research on your part. Here's a shortcut: Contact the nearest office of the Writers Guild of America (WGA). Purchase the membership directory. It lists W G A members who allow themselves to be listed (most do) and their industry contacts. Now, get your hands on every film with the same general budget, style, and genre as your script. Cross-reference the writers of these movies with the W G A membership directory, find out who their agent or manager is, and then find that person's name in the Hollywood Representation Directory. This will give you a list of those representatives who have been successful in the industry—plus, you'll have information to use to complement them on their accomplishments. This extra touch makes your query look personalized and will get an agent's or manager's attention.

Funny Files If you're going to write film or television, start to familiarize yourself with the Writer's Guild of America (WGA), a service organization that protects scriptwriters. Go to www.wga.org for more details.

No Laughing Matter If you only contact the people in the industry guides, you'll be doing just the minimum amount of work. Use the Internet to find foreign companies and indie producers. No one else will do it for you.

Wanted for My Script: Actors, Producers, and Directors Many new screenwriters try to attach directors and actors to their scripts. Although this is effective for independent producers looking to get more funding for their projects, for the average writer, it's a bit of a long shot. How long? Think Cubs-Red Sox World Series. Still want to try? Make a list of talent, then pick up the phone and call either the Screen Actors Guild (SAG), Actors' Equity Association (AEA), or American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (AFTRA) for actors. For directors, contact the Directors Guild of America (DGA). All have offices in both Los Angeles and New York City. Identify yourself as an independent producer, and ask for contact information for one or two people at a time. W h y say you're a producer? It means that the film has a production budget and, therefore, this might be paid work. Saying "writer" screams of poverty to industry insiders.

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Part 4 : The Craft of Comedy Writing You will be given agent, manager, or lawyer contact info; you can then call and speak with their rep about attaching the talent.

Should you send to producers or representatives first? Should you even bother to try to attach talent? Conventional thinking says that sending to an agent first is the best route because you will eventually need one to broker your deal. Also, an agent is more connected in the industry, so having one can cut down on your work. No Laughing Matter _ For my money, I like sending to the production comRealistically, it's a good panies. Some of my longest and most profitable relaidea to move attaching talent to tionships in this industry have come from my ability the back burner because this takes to deal with producers. W h o better is there to tell a long time and often wastes resources and energy that could you what they want and what they're looking for? be better spent finding representation or meeting producers. Ultimately, it's a more effective tool for aspiring producers and directors than it is for writers.

T h e prize from the agent and manager route is a contract to work exclusively with that person. They are convinced you are the real deal and are willing to make a commitment to you. On the production side, you're hoping for a sale or, more likely, the option.

Making the Sale (or Having the Option) An option is not a sale exactly, but an agreement between the writer—that's you—and the producer that gives the producer an exclusive window to try to get the movie made. It has two numbers in it: the option price and the sale price. You get the option price now, when you get the option. You get the sale price, minus the option price, when the first frame of film is shot. Once the production contract takes effect, the production company has all the rights to your film. That's what you're selling them. T h e only rights you'll keep are those you and your reps negotiate. T h e company can even hire another writer to rewrite your precious script. Funny Files It's not uncommon anymore for a soundtrack to outearn its film. A smart writer will negotiate a piece of the soundtrack and other ancillary rights to line his pockets.

Usually, sale prices hover around guild minimum plus 20 percent for new screenwriters. T h e W G A publishes a guide to standard fees and minimums, which will give you an idea of the most up-to-date numbers. As for the option price, it can be anything from $1 up—usually, 10 to 25 percent of the sale price.

Chapter 2 0 : If It's funny, It's Honey 1 9 9

And the Winner Is ...You! Another avenue to examine when it comes to getting your script out there is contests and festivals. These are a great way to give you something positive to say about your script. They do cost money to enter, but placing high in one makes your script that much more credible. Also, producers and agents judge many script contests and film festivals, so this can help build your industry contacts as well.

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Comedy Pros

Jim McCue, the founder of The Boston International Comedy and Movie Festival, spoke about the role of the festival in the industry: A festival is a great way to get attention for someone who might not have the connections other people do. This festival is constantly looking for under-appreciated talent. Hopefully, we can do our part and let people see the next generation of comedy genius.

Selling Sitcoms Selling sitcoms is actually a misnomer. Unlike film or theater, where you market a script, in television, you are the product. Because of that, I've combined most of the business of sitcom writing with the section on formatting sitcoms in Chapter 22.1 want to make you aware of just a few things now, though, before you skip ahead to Chapter 22. T h e executive producer is the person on the show who you want to read your script. He is in charge of all creative decisions, including hiring writers. As for money, T V writers who are on staff for a union production get a negotiated salary plus the W G A minimum rate for any episodes for which they are listed as a writer. (Check the W G A schedule for minimums to get the current rate.) Writers working on nonunion shows have to negotiate every term in their contract.

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The Allure of Greasepaint You might think marketing a play is significantly different from marketing a film script, but it's not. Both deal with agents and producers. Both use a query for first

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Part *»: The Craft of Comedy Writing contact. T h e difference comes in the researching of the markets and the unique problems live theater presents to a producer. T h e size and cost that the script presents limits any play. A small, black-box theater in Manhattan's East Village has a different budget and space limitation than Washington, D.C.'s Kennedy Center. Plus, each theater has to find scripts that will attract an audience in that community. As you can see, marketing a theatrical play can be a bit more difficult than you might have first thought. Bag of Tricks

Just as Hollywood is the mecca of the film and TV industry, New York is the mecca of theater. Look for New York-based representation when you feel you're ready.

Funny Files Theater offers instant audience feedback during a production, which I can tell you is one of the best things you can experience as a writer.

You might want to avoid sending your plays to New York City theaters until you've built up a bit of a reputation elsewhere. New York has its pick of writers and plays, so only the best works tend to make it. And I'm not just talking about Broadway, either. Recendy I sat in on the selection process for an off-off-Broadway house. T h e call went out for 15-minute plays. They would select six. There were more than 500 entries. Here's the kicker: The selected playwrights weren't paid. In truth, unless you're in the top 20 percent, you probably won't make much money in theater. Most theater writers move on to writing film and T V to make decent money. What theater does offer is artistic freedom that is unmatched among writers of scripts.

What money you do make in theater comes from two places—performance royalties and, for more successful plays, book royalties for print editions of the play. Until you start dealing with larger theaters, the royalty numbers are negotiated figures, so a good agent might be the difference between your being a starving artist and a struggling artist. Once you are established, theaters might approach you for residencies, during which time they pay you to develop a play that will premier in that theater. The best course of action for the emerging playwright is to actively seek out any competitions, festivals, or regional plays to build up your resume. Also check out organizations such as the Dramatists Guild of America (DGA; www.dramatistsguild.com) to see when new opportunities will arise. Although there is no publication that lists every opening for theaters that are looking for playwrights, thumbing through the popular writers' magazines or a quick web search will get you started. Of course, if there's a community theater in your area, you might want to start your search there.

Chapter 20: If It's Funny, It's Honey 2 0 1

Chapter One Fiction is the first print type we'll study because any long-form print sale you'll make is a derivative of this form. Let's start with the most basic principle: To sell a first novel, you must have a complete manuscript. Publishers need to be able to read the whole thing to be sure it doesn't suck. (Ah, that again.) Remember, most publishing houses are reluctant to take a risk. They don't want to invest time they don't have and money they might not earn back on a book that, odds say, won't move off the shelves. How do you persuade them? Your best sales tool is your manuscript. You've probably spent years perfecting it, so the book itself is the thing you should use to get it published.

Bag of Tricks Ah, the literary elite! They've built a mountain of business jargon for you to master. Sometimes you'll need an English-toLiterati dictionary to figure out what they're talking about. I've included a short list of the "mustknow" terms in Appendix A.

More Paperwork! When you're ready to submit your manuscript to editors or agents, craft a short, exciting cover letter to send along with sections of your book. Remember to tailor each letter to the person you're sending it to and to send him exactly the number of pages from your book that he has asked for. Just as in film, to submit an unsolicited manuscript to a publisher, use a query letter to get in the door. (Queries are even more important in the magazine writing game, as you'll learn a bit later.) \OI

No Laughing Matter New writers need to protect themselves. Before you sign a book contract or a contract with an agent, check to be sure he's reputable. A good starting point is www.sfwa.org/beware, a website run by the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, Inc. (SFWA) that lists grievances against publishers and agents. This is a very useful tool for every writer.

You also need to write a plot synopsis, a one- or two-page present-tense narrative summary of your manuscript. The plot synopsis hooks an agent's or publisher's interest

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The best place to find market information for any print book is the Writer's Market. Published annually by Writers Digest Books, it's the industry bible and lists book and periodical publishers.

enough for him to ask to see your book. Oftentimes an agent will ask for your plot synopsis before he will agree to read your book. Your synopsis should be a complete piece. Don't get fancy and break it down into chapters and parts. Be sure to tell the whole story, and don't leave out anything that's important to the telling of the story.

Book(Odds and)Ends Attack publishers and representation for this market the same way you would for film. Research the publishers and agents to be sure they handle comedic fiction. Unfortunately, the market for funny novels has been shrinking over the past few decades; however, if you have a stand-out piece of funny fiction, I'm sure the cream would rise to the top. Money for any type of book is earned on a royalty system. Usually there is a small advance (I've heard of first-time writers being offered a high, four-figure deal!) against a percentage of the sales. T h e more successful your book, the more money you'll make.

More Funny Books If you were writing joke books, cartoon books, or even general humor books as opposed to novels, you would still start by writing the entire piece before you marketed it. T h e difference between these kinds of books and novels, in terms of business, anyway, is that with these kinds of books, you need to have a specific sales approach.

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Comedy Pros

Yvonne Mojica is a New York City comedian and cartoonist. Her comic book, Bathroom Girls, is award-nominated. She said this about the effect the web has had on people who write comics: Comics come alive online in a way that you just can't technically do in print. You can create professional-quality parodies of things you see on TV and in movies, thanks to Photoshop and digital video capabilities. A comic strip you never finished could become an animated Flash game where the user determines the outcome. Mediocre gags become hilarious with the perfect sound files. Basic gif animation and html allows web users to click on different areas of a comic panel and pull up funny rollovers, hidden word balloons, and other funny surprises.

Chapter 2 0 : If It's Funny, It's Honey 2 0 3 Remember, novel publishers can work with a wide variety of story genres. The same publisher can release a funny novel about growing up in the South and one about a group of Wall Street investors. A humor book publisher tends to specialize in a small section of humorous titles. Examine the titles a publisher puts out to make sure your book has similar sensibilities.

The Real Story Nonfiction books follow the same agenting and publishing profiles as fiction books, but the difference is in the marketing tools. Instead of a complete manuscript, you need to put together a detailed book proposal. This is a highlight version of the project, which will allow publishers to understand the essence of your piece without having to actually read it in its entirety.

In Decent Proposals ... The book proposal starts with a summary, which should be approximately one page. This tells the publisher what the book is about and who the market is and mentions a little bit about you. Be honest—don't exaggerate—and be thorough in this part. This next section is the "about the author" info. Provide detailed information about the topic you know best—you. Don't be shy about this, brag a little. In addition to selling your book, you have to sell yourself. Tell the publisher why you should write this book for him as opposed to someone else. Now you have to define your audience, the who and the why of your expected readership. If you have statistical information to back up your market claims, put that in. (Although if you have statistics for a nonfiction comedy book, sorry, but you're very, ah, unique) In short, make the publisher see that your book won't wind up on the bookstore's discount table. Now a couple words about your competition: Kill them! Okay, that's a bit much, but you do need to mention them in your book proposal and tell why your book is better. If your book doesn't have competition, you better have a good reason why nobody has touched the topic, or your subject might appear too uninteresting. Tell your prospective publisher who your competition is and then unveil your plan for total market domination. (Resistance is futile!)

I bet you didn't think comedy would be this much work. Comedy writing is a business, and you have to treat it that way. All this marketing, although seemingly difficult, is actually a chance for you to shine as a comedy writer. If you fill your proposal with humor, it's bound to stand out from all the other book proposals that cross a publisher's desk.

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Part 4 : The Craft of Comedy Writing Also, you need a detailed table of contents (TOC). This document is a chapter-bychapter outline with detailed text on what is in each chapter—see the contents in the front of this book for a good example. Put as much information as you can into the TOC. Again, leave nothing to the imagination. (Think "all nude" as opposed to bikini bar.) Don't worry about putting too much into the outline; the details will only help as you write. Bag of Tricks A lot of writers think the TOC has to perfectly match the finished project, but it doesn't. I turned in an initial TOC for this book, and so many details and ideas changed that my editor had a nervous breakdown. The poor girl kept trying to match the original outline to the finished chapters and wound up so confused that now she talks to her pudding. Unfortunately for her, the pudding answers back. A TOC or outline is just a guideline, a loose map the writer follows when he chooses to. If, during the course of your writing, you want to take the scenic route, do it. Your editor will pull you back if you go too far. After all, she will need something to do in between conversations with her dessert.

What Clse Do I Have to Do? You've put together the business documents for your nonfiction comedy book, so what else do you put with it? You also need to include a sample chapter. This shouldn't upset you; you're planning on writing it eventually, so you'll just speed up the process. If the chapters you're planning are short, you might want to include more than one. Remember, your prospective publisher needs to get Funny Files an idea of your style, so be sure you give enough of a sample for him to judge.

Another option for an emerging comedy writer is to self-publish. Although you ideally want to have someone pay you to produce your work, self-publishing often gives writers additional freedoms they don't ordinarily have. To learn more about self-publishing, check out The Complete Guide to SelfPublishing, by Tom and Marilyn Ross (Writer's Digest Books).

When you put all these elements together, your proposal should be in the 25-page range, with another 20 for the sample chapter. You can use this nonfiction proposal for joke books and cartoon books, as well as general nonfiction humor books. Remember, you're asking someone to invest a lot of money and time into your project, so you invest the time and effort into your proposal to make the reader believe in your project.

Chapter 2 0 : If It's Funny, It's Money 2 0 5

Comedy Delivered to Your Door Newspapers, newsletters, magazines, and websites all need content. Much of that content is funny. (Except for the web, where much of that content is nudie.) Periodicals are a great way for humor writers to break in and show their stuff. Where do you start to break in? First, study the market. If your idea doesn't fit perfectly with the style of the magazine you pitch to, it will not buy your stuff. Periodicals have a style and a format. Learn it and use it.

Letter-Writing Hell You thought you had to write a lot of letters and proposals for other genres, but you ain't seen nothing yet. To get periodical writing assignments, you have to target publications that are right for your idea, write to them to obtain their guidelines, and then query them with your ideas. While the query process is just a small part of the film and television business, it's the lion's share for periodicals. Where do you find these newspapers and magazines to harass with letters, er, write to? A good place to start is to use the Writers Market from Writer's Digest Books. This book does a good job on magazines; however, the newspaper section is painfully underrepresented. You'll have to do some legwork on your own to find those markets. Although I haven't found any publications that list newspapers, I have found three websites that have a tremendous listing section for newspapers: • Internet Public Library • N e w sVoyager • NewsLink

www.ipl.org/div/news

newsvoyager.com

newslink.org

Once you know where your articles or stories fit, carpet-bomb those publications your work would be right for. Always follow the guidelines and tailor the ideas to each publication to create a seamless fit. Remember, you only get paid if they assign you the article and accept your work, so you need to keep multiple queries in the hopper to keep the cash flow coming.

Know Your Rights What you're selling when you're selling your work is actually rights. To better understand what rights are what, check out The Complete Idiofs Guide to Publishing Magazine Articles, also from Alpha Books. Use this thumbnail guide to get you started if you don't have this book on your reference shelf (but do go get it):

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Part 4 : The Craft of Comedy Writing all rights You're selling everything, forever. It doesn't belong to you anymore. electronic rights You're selling the right to use the piece online, on a C D or DVD, or even as an e-book. first serial rights You're allowing your publisher to be the first to publish the piece. T h e n the rights come back to you. one-time rights You're selling your publisher the ability to publish your piece one time, regardless of where else it will be. This lets you sell to multiple publications at the same time. reprint rights You're selling a publication the right to publish a work after it has already appeared in print. That's just the tip of the rights iceberg; there are all kinds of rights I haven't even touched on such as movie rights, audio-book rights, and anthology rights, just to name a few. T h e bottom line is that you don't want to sell "all rights." Retain some control. Beyond that, everything in the writing business is negotiable.

Money Magazine T h e money in magazine publishing ranges widely. People have sold pieces for $25, while other pieces have sold for thousands. It all depends on the piece, the publication, and the negotiation.

Psstf Hey Buddy, Wanna Buy a Joke? Moving scripts and manuscripts is a chore, but the process is firmly defined. Writing individual jokes and trying to sell them is a much more ethereal process. You're dealing with personalities, not corporations; individual contact is essential. Individual contact is also costly and time-consuming. There is no industry standard for individual joke layout or style. I would advise you to type your material in an easy-to-read, serif font such as Times New Roman or Courier. Also put your name and contact information on every page of your material. That said, I can tell you that I've sold jokes I've never written down to comics or speakers by verbally pitching them over drinks. Relationships are everything in this business. Cultivate them.

Chapter 2 0 : If It's Funny, It's Honey 2 0 7 Bag of Tricks You are going to be a comedy writer for a long time. The easiest way for you to make your journey easier is through good business practices. For the first several years of your career, you will be the sole proprietor of your business. Therefore, you have the responsibility of handling yourself professionally. You must take as much care and effort here as you do with your writing and performing.

Comics and DJs and Hosts-Oh My! Go where the comics are. Most newer comics won't buy material, but don't be discouraged by that. Most seasoned pros who have to come up with an endless supply of new material do buy. You'll have to approach them, jokes in hand, and let them read your material before they believe you can write well enough for them. Talk show hosts often accept "fax submissions" for monologue jokes. Before you run to your fax machine, though, contact the production offices and see if they'll accept you as a fax contributor. You'll usually wind up speaking to the head writer or a coordinating producer. You'd think they might limit the people who do fax in jokes, but in reality, it costs them nothing to have you submit. As a fax contributor, you are paid only if your jokes air, so there is no risk for the show. Radio stations also do this, especially mid-size-market drive-time shows. (My record for the number of hyphens in a single sentence is nine.) Contact the show's producer or the on-air personality, in some cases, to get on those lists. How much does line writing pay? It can pay anywhere from a hardy handshake to $100 a joke. If you want to maximize your profit potential, familiarize yourself with the talent and make your material a perfect fit for the performer.

Speakers Say the Funniest Thinqs An emerging market for comedy writers is the speakers and corporate market. Everytime someone steps in front of a podium, be it for a lecture, a retirement gala, or even a political speech, words are spoken. Somebody somewhere wrote those words. Of course, most corporations and politicians have writers on staff who can produce a quality collection of facts and figures. Your advantage, though, is that you can add funny to those facts and figures. (Thus, turning the 2F standard into a 3F standard. By the way, 3 Fs were standard for most of my report cards.) Getting these markets to notice you is almost a full-time job; however, given that you can pull down hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars per speech, it is time well spent.

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Part *»: The Craft of Comedy Writing Funny Files A personal introduction is the best entrance into this market. Short of that, craft a resume and a good current speech sample, and send it off to the people and companies you're targeting. Most often you should send the material to the communications director or the human resources department. Identify yourself as a freelance comedy writer, and be prepared to keep the lines of communication open, flowing chiefly from your direction so out-of-sight-out-of-mind syndrome doesn't develop.

Whenever you get a job, send a blitz to all your contacts. The freelance world is no place to be shy, so be prepared to talk yourself up. The more you work, the more people will want your services, so let everyone know everything you're doing.

Odds and Ends I've designed humorous brochures. I've added humor to technical writing. I wrote jokes for a company slide show. At one point I thought I had been contacted to write every conceivable type of comedy. Then I got a call from a restaurant that wanted me to make their menu funny. Two weeks later, a best man contacted me about adding humor to his wedding toast. There is no standard when it comes to comedy writing or what you can charge for it. Keep your eyes and ears open for unusual markets, and line your pockets with oddly earned, but very spendable, cash.

First Contact You run the chance of making a new business contact every single day. The first contact is extremely important, and oftentimes it can be the difference between getting a job and not. If you can make a positive impression on someone, if you can be personable and memorable, you have a much better chance of those people helping you or buying your work. Be neat, articulate, and sober. As important as it is for the business contact to remember you, he must remember you positively. Always act dignified. Answer questions as best you can. In short, be all business. After you meet them, follow up. Let them see by your professional actions when you're doing business, and make them laugh like hell when you write for them.

Chapter 20: If It's Funny, Its Honey 2 0 9 The Least You Need to Know • You have to tailor your comedy to the market if you want to sell it. • Larger works such as novels and screenplays are harder to sell because of the expenses involved in producing them. • You can get paid for everything from a funny novel to adding jokes to a menu. • Be all business.

Different Jokes for Different Folks Funny is funny, right? Sort of. Is it a funny book, or is it a funny movie? Is it a knee-slapping cartoon, or is it a sitcom? Is it a jabbing line for a roast, or is it a full-length comedic play? Comedy needs to have form. What form should you use in your writing? Part 5 will help you decide. Here's where you put together all your hard work into a form that you can sell. That's sell, as in make money, as in you can get paid to write comedy. What form you choose to write in is up to you, but just be sure to pick one. Without form, comedy is just a bunch of jokes wandering around aimlessly. That's not so funny.

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Comedy on the Page In This Chapter • Writing joke book jokes • Penning comedy articles • Becoming a cartoonist • Adding humor with captions Nothing beats a good read—cracking open the cover, turning each page, receiving information with each new sentence. For centuries, print has been the standard medium for comedy. Well, one thing beats a good read—the feeling you get when someone is reading your stuff (and is laughing at all the right parts). There is a permanence to the page that inspires even the most cynical writer. Just knowing that 100 years from now, when people search for authors, my name and this book will be between Herman Melville and George Meredith fills my heart with joy. Of course, if I were really around 100 years from now and not just because of the legacy of a book, I might like that better.

l\k

Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folks

Did You Hear the One About... Question: How many men does it take to change a kitchen lightbulb? Answer: Only one, but he has to be married. The single guy willjust eat all his meals with the refrigerator door open. Question: What's the difference between a pint of bottled water and a pint of tap water? Answer: About $1.75. A guy gets a ticket to the World Series from a friend. When he gets there, he realizes the seat is in the last row of the stadium. In the third inning, he notices a seat 10 rows behind home plate. He takes a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the guy next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" "No." "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this and not use it?" The man replied, "The seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first game we haven't been to together since we got married in 1939." "That's really sad, but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?" "No, they're all at the funeral." Joke book jokes, party jokes—just jokes, no matter what you want to call them, are a fabric of our society. We learn them when we're young—oftentimes too young to understand what they mean. These jokes are perfect little nuggets of comedy. They are perfectly crafted stories put together by someone, but who is that someone? There are approximately 100,000 knock-knock jokes with no one claiming authorship. I picture blacklisted writers, working under the radar of traditional comedy, writing simple lines that will creep into the public consciousness, or old men hunched over desks, pencil in hand, scribbling down notes until they construct the perfect blonde joke. Somebody has to write these jokes. That somebody could be you—if you know—and follow—the rules.

Chapter Z l : Comedy on the Page 2 1 5

Knock, Knock: What's Your Goal? Before you try your hand at writing jokes, ask yourself, "What is the goal of my writing? Do I want to write a couple jokes to send to Reader's Digest or Playboy, or am I looking to put together a collection?" If you want to write individual jokes, craft your work to match the focus of the magazine. T h e sense of humor you display has to be compatible with the sensibilities of the audience. (I think people read Playboy and Readers Digest for vastly different reasons. I buy them both just for the articles, but there are some snazzy pictures in Readers Digest)

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Comedy Pros

Eddie Brill, comedy talent coordinator for the late Show, comments on why he believes people love comedy: The reason why people love comedy is because everyone wants to write and tell jokes. Look at how excited people get when they have a joke to tell you. That's why audiences love comedy, because everyone's tried their hand at it, and you can do it well.

If you're looking to assemble a joke book, write jokes on a theme. Try something like 1,100 Cat Jokes, or 99 Long Jokes About Short People. By giving your joke book a theme, you can carve out a niche audience. Once you have the audience in mind, you'll know what you need to write.

Two Comedy Writers Walk Into a Bar... Jokes are small stories with a beginning, a middle, and an end. Only the end must be uproariously funny. Let's take a look at the elements of a joke-book joke: • There's a winner and a loser. Every joke needs a foil. Sometimes the foil is easy to decipher, like the dumb blonde or the guy who walks into the bar. Sometimes the foil is implied, like the dead wife in the earlier joke. Whoever the foil is, one thing is clear—that's the person we're supposed to laugh at. • T h e story is usually visual and the details are specific. T h e audience needs to be able to "believe" the events are real and suspend any disbelief. • T h e joke is complete. Be sure no unanswered questions linger at the end of your joke. Distracting the reader with a detail that didn't pay off can turn a very funny joke into an odd little story.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folks • The twists are very pronounced. Go for strong, even exaggerated, twists. The bigger the twist, the less likely the audience will mistake it as anything other than a joke. • The jokes are brief. Jokes don't work if the audience wanders, so keep your jokes short. Eliminate any unnecessary information in the joke and increase your changes of keeping your audience's attention for the whole time. • The joke relies on common perceptions. Unfortunately, with less room for joke telling, you must find shortcuts to maximize the audience's understanding. The preferred method among joke writers is to rely on common perceptions or stereotypes. However, given the current climate and the swing toward political correctness, you can see how these jokes are falling out of favor. Master these elements, and you're sure to have your audience in stitches.

How Many Writers Does It Take to Format Jokes? Just one. But he has to know how to format it. Most likely, you'll have to send your complete manuscript to your publisher, formatted as you would a nonfiction book. One difference is that you should make each joke its own paragraph. Okay, so how do you format a joke book? It's the same format you'd use for a nonfiction book. The format key is as follows: • Use 1 -inch margins all around the page. • Use 12-point Courier typeface.

n

No Laughing Matter

One thing I learned the hard way was that bad formatting can kill jokes. Sometimes you need the space that a new line brings, or you need to run something together for the rhythm of the read to work. If formatting flies in the face of what the joke needs to work, do what's best for the joke.

,

• Use a slug line featuring the book name, author name, and page number on every page. The page number should be right-justified. • Six lines down from the slug, put a chapter head (Chapter 1, etc.) or 3 lines if your page goes direcdy to text. Two lines down from the chapter head, set the chapter name. Drop four lines between the chapter name and the text.

Chapter Z l : Comedy on the Page 2 1 7 • Double-space all text. • Indent (one tab) the first line of each paragraph. •

Start each new chapter on a new page.

Some publishers might ask for a slightly different formatting. If a publisher makes such a request, follow it to a T

Stop the Presses! Please forgive the title of this section, but I don't know any writer—magazine, newspaper, or otherwise—who hasn't yearned to yell that at some point. W h e n you're writing magazine articles, you have to be timely. T h e comedy has to be up to the minute, and the story itself has to fit the publication perfectly. T h e story also has to build the reader's anticipation.

Story First, Comedy Second If Gary was going to do this, he was going to do it right. He had been an athlete in high school, pitching the Clark County Badgers to the state finals. Had he not blown out his shoulder trying to reach around Cindy to unhook her bra in the local movie theater, he might have gone pro. Damn those four hook closures! No regrets now. He needs to keep his eyes focused on the prize. Now, 22 years after his high school glory, Gary will step into the spotlight once again. Fame will be guaranteed. So, too, will the endorsement deals. Gary will bring the coveted prize at the Fourth of July hot-dog-eating contest back home where it belongs. The first step: Get in shape. He steps to the counter and orders eight dogs with the works ... T h e first part of writing funny nonfiction— telling the story—is the hardest part. All too often you'll want to charge ahead with jokes, but unlike some other types of comedy writing, in nonfiction, you have to stick to the facts (that is what makes it nonfiction) and use the comedy as a spice to the story. If you put the comedy above the facts, it will never get published.

Funny Files A ton of nonfiction books are published each year. In fact, you're holding one right now. (Eerie how I knew that, wasn't it?) There are very few flat-out funny nonfiction books. In most cases, nonfiction books use comedy as an accent to make a point. Remember, keep the focus on the subject, not the jokes.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folks When you're writing this sort of comedy, pay attention to the entire piece. You'll need to navigate the delicate balance between storytelling and comedy. Too much story, and the comedy will come out of left field. Too much comedy, and there's no informational value to the piece. You also have to walk a line of reverence other types of comedy writers don't. To mock your subject is not really cool, and unfortunately, unless you're very careful, it can come off that way very easily. Take pains to make the ancillary details of your story the subject of your jokes, and lay off the main person or event when it comes time to write your jokes.

A Crash Course in Magazine Writing (and Selling!) Read the magazine you want to write for. Take note of the magazine's different departments. You must pitch an idea that perfectly fits an existing page, and as a new writer, you are more likely to break in with a small piece than you would be with a major article. Come up with lots of ideas for articles. You will be rejected—a lot (kind of like dating in high school—oops, that's just me). When that happens, just switch to another idea. T h e more ideas you have, the better. Keep your pitches current, too. Nothing turns off an editor more than getting a pitch for a tired idea. An exciting profile idea for Cory Feldman might have been great for 1986, but it's not so good for today. If you have an area of specialty, focus your pitches on these areas. Send your pitch to the right person. Check out the current edition of the Writer's Market, or—here's a novel idea—get a copy of the magazine and address your proposal to the editor of the department you'd like to write for. You can find this information in the masthead (the list of folks who work on the magazine or book) near the front of the magazine. Make sure your article fits the agreed-upon word count and has a logical flow. T h e best articles read like stories, so think like a storyteller when you're writing. Keep in mind these additional formatting notes: • Use 1-inch margins all around the page. • Use 12-point Courier typeface. • On the left-hand side of the first page, put your contact info as you would set a return address. Across from that, note the type of rights you're selling (remember from Chapter 21 the kinds of rights?). Underneath that, list the word count.

Chapter 21: Comedy on the Page 2 1 9 • Drop down about a third of the way on the page and put the article title, in caps. • Drop down two lines and put your byline (by or written by and your name). • Drop four lines after your name and begin the text. • Double-space all text. • Indent the first line of each paragraph. • Set a slug line with your name and the title of the work at the top of each subsequent page. Right-align the page number on each new page as well. • Drop down four lines after the slug line and begin the text. • At the end of the article, six lines below the text and centered on the page, write "-00-" or "-30-" to signify the end of the piece. As always, if a publisher makes a special request, do it.

A Fictional Accounting It was a Sunday. Dave looked down his nose, through his glasses, past his table, and out onto the cruel streets of the city. Some said these streets were paved with gold, but in reality, these streets were paved with the broken dreams of those who walked them and the white-knuckle reality of a hard city life. Dave couldn't think about that now. He had to focus on the matter at hand. He needed to attack this task in the here and now with a certain derring-do. He had to stay in the present. The present. It was a Sunday, same as any other Sunday. Two scoops of vanilla topped with caramel and chopped nuts. He could do this, he thought... Novels present a whole slew of problems for comedy writers. As usual, you have to balance the comedy and the story, but you also have to think about the comedy novel market—the shrinking comedy novel market. However, if you have a well-crafted, laugh-out-loud funny novel, every publisher I spoke with wants it. T h e writing for a novel must be smooth. You have to be economical with your words, and the images, characters, and plot must be rich. Your writing style must be as much a part of the reader's experience as the written story.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folks

The Page-to-Page Process A novel is usually a long piece of work. (If you've gone to a Catholic school and had a nun hit you with a copy of A Tale of Two Cities, you can corroborate my statement.) If you look at it like it's a huge task, you'll never write it. But if you break it down into pieces, you can put it together much more easily. Start with a good story. Make it something with a bit of meat on it. I don't think anyone would sift through 288 pages of someone just wandering through the mall. Make sure there's a valid, exciting reason for your reader to stick around for the story. Bag of Tricks Now create some characters—some believable characWant to brush up on the literters. Give them enough substance that you'll be inary vocabulary you'll hear print spired to spend the time writing about them and your writers use when they talk about writing? See Appendix readers will want to invest the time to read about A for a list. them. If you hate your characters midway through the writing process, so will everyone else.

Bag of Tricks Fiction writers have a huge advantage over other comedy writers. Most of the material I write uses characters. For years, I have been keeping detailed "character sheets" on the people I've met. I put everything from vocabulary habits to political leanings on these pages. Then, whenever I'm stuck for a character, I pull out one of the pages, make some modifications, and presto—I have a new character.

You have to put those characters and that story into the perfect place and time. An international jewel thief who is plotting the heist of the century fits much better in modern-day Monte Carlo than he would fit into 1926 Tupelo, Mississippi. Think of time and place as additional characters, and choose them wisely. Now you need an outline for this bad boy. Start with the broad strokes, a general telling of the beginning, middle, and end. Then do a detailed outline, with all the major points of the story and as many scene shifts as you can come up with. Sure, an outline is a lot of work, but it beats not knowing where your story is going and hoping to catch lightning in a bottle. Once you've got your story, characters, setting, and outline, it's time to ask the magic question: Does this suck? All writers strive to keep the suckage to a minimum. If, by the time you write the outline, you can't envision an audience for your novel, guess what? You won't have one.

Chapter 21: Comedy on the Page 2 2 1 Make the comedy in your novel come from the organic perceptions of the characters. Don't hammer a joke onto the page just because you think it's a hoot. If your joke doesn't flow well, it'll stick out like a sore thumb and the reader will be too distracted to laugh. If the story is interesting enough and the characters have some life, the comedy will flow from there.

Tuning Your Instrument and Other Troubleshooting Tips Do you need to write the book in order? How many hours a day do you need to spend writing? Should you focus more on story or on characters? In truth, I don't know the answers to these questions. All I can tell you is to learn your own instrument and write in the way that's most productive for you. Funny Files A musician needs to learn an instrument; as a comedy writer, you need to learn your instrument, too. In your case, the instrument is your writing habits. If you want to learn your writing habits, keep a detailed writing journal. After each writing session, type about a page of the general details surrounding the writing and how that session went. After a few sessions, review your notes for any patterns. If you notice you have a good writing session every time you write late in the day, you've learned something.

T h e soundest piece of advice I can give you is to forge ahead and write the entire piece before you revise it. I know too many people who wrote the first 67 pages of a novel, only to stop because something on page 19 wasn't quite right and they didn't know how to fix it. I know that must frustrate you as a writer, but think of me for a moment. I've read selected chapters of a lot of students' works, only to have the student stop writing it, leaving me with half a story stuck in my head. Is that fair? And what about those poor characters? They've given you pages of action only to be abandoned to an eternity in a literary limbo. Is it fair to them? Finish the novels you start. Without a complete first draft, you're just making changes for change's sake. Have something substantial to fix. Once you finish writing, take a little break, then come back and read it. Really read it. See how it flows, then decide what to fix.

Ill

Part 5: Different Jobs for Different Folk

It's All About Style Your writing style is just as big a star in this process as your jokes or any of your characters. Be distinctive in your narrative, and let it go when you write. There's always time to rein it in, but in a draft, take chances. Do keep the novel in one tense and one voice. It doesn't matter if you write in the first or third person as long as you do it consistently. You should know what the difference between first and third person is, but in case you don't ... Bag of Tricks It is easier to write comedy from the first person, because of the additional information the thoughts of the character can bring. Also, because you're focused on one character throughout the story, your audience can bond more easily with that character.

First person is written from a single character's point of view. Your reader will see every scene and every character through a single character's eyes. Readers can read the thoughts of that character, but only of that character. Third person, on the other hand, can be told from multiple characters' points of view. Each scene in the novel can be done in a single point of view, but whenever the scene changes, the point of view can also shift.

Which P O V is better? Use the one you think is right for your story. In addition to narrative and point of view, five other elements of fiction should contribute to your writing style: •

Dialogue

•

Descriptions

•

Thoughts

• Actions •

Information

How you juggle these five elements will define your style.

Exercise: The Five Elements Want to be sure your novel has all the elements it needs, in the proper proportions? Use this great exercise to find out.

Chapter 21: Comedy on the Page 2 2 3 First, pick a random section of your novel-in-progress, say 25 pages or so. Then, grab five different-colored highlighters and assign a color to each of the five elements (dialogue, descriptions, thoughts, actions, and information). Now start highlighting your pages. Easy enough, right? Here's the tricky part: Outside dialogue or thoughts, most sentences will contain parts of several elements. "The short, blond woman ran frantically from her captors down the rat infested alley," has description, action, and information. That's a three-color sentence. Notice how much of each element you're using in your novel. What are the percentages? Are you relying too much on any particular element? If you are, now is the time to change it. Now take it one step further. Pick an equal number of pages from a novel you like (it should be similar to yours), and highlight those pages. How do the pieces compare? Can you learn anything from the comparison? I've done this with a few books, and I was surprised at how similar the percentages were as I went from author to author. And in case you thought I'd leave you with no notes on how to format your novel, never fear: • Use 1-inch margins all around the page. • Use 12-point Courier typeface. • Make a cover page for your novel. On the left-hand side of the cover page, put your contact info as you would set a return address. Across from that, note the word count. • Drop down about a third of the way on the page and put the novel title, in caps. • Drop down two lines and put your byline (A novel by or Written by). • Drop down two lines and put your name. •

Set a slug line with the novel's name on the left-hand side of the first page of text. Across from that, right-align the page number.

• Drop down about a third of the way on the page and put the title, in caps. • Drop down eight lines after the title and begin the text. • Double-space all text. • Indent the first line of each paragraph. • Set a slug line with the title and chapter number at the top of each subsequent page. Right-align the page number on each new page as well.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different folks •

Drop four lines after the slug line and begin the text.

•

Start each new chapter on a new page. T h e slug line on the opener page should just feature the name of the novel and the page number.

•

Drop down six lines after the slug and put the chapter number, followed by the title of the chapter, in caps.

•

Drop down six more lines and continue the text.

Although I've never heard of anyone requesting special formatting for a novel, if you do ... you know what to do.

The Sunday Funnies Cartoons are probably the first things we laughed at. Comics are also some of the most memorable bits of comedy ever created. I have to admit that I am as noted for my drawing abilities as Bill Clinton is for fidelity, but I can tell you the how and why of what makes for good cartoon comedy.

MAMA'S 3QYZ

WWW.MAMASBOYZ.COM

Mama's Boyz is a nationally syndicated cartoon.

JBRRY CRAFT

(Courtesy of Jerry Craft)

Remember, Dogs Can Talk Cartoons exist to take us places reality can't. When I was eight, I drew a very primitive cartoon of my dad—a man who was always drinking water—at the foot of the Great Lakes with a straw plunked into the now-dry lakebed. In the background were boats full of angry sailors. The caption underneath it read, "Jimmy, get me a glass of water." In my house, this was high comedy. On reflection, it showed I understood the medium.

Chapter 21: Comedy on the Page 2 2 5 You might think some stick-figures poorly drawn on a piece of construction paper have little to do with art or comedy writing, but they do. They help show that one of the great truths about humor is that most of us know what to do long before we know why we do it. You can use cartoons for fabulous flights of fancy and fantasy. (There, I got my alliteration in for the day.) Don't feel you have to conform to any rules of reality. In Get Fuzzy, the dog and cat talk. In Doonesbury, a cigarette talks. Calvin and Hobbes featured a talking tiger, and Marmaduke does things no real dog ever could. If you can imagine it and you can draw it, you can do it in a comic strip.

Funny Files Animation for television and the web relies heavily on the ability to go outside reality. If it didn't, then South Park's Kenny's repeatedly being killed would be a tragedy, and Bart Simpson would be in a juvenile detention center. The more complex TV cartoons get, the more they come back to one of the simplest rules of cartooning: Keep the cartoons larger than life.

Kef-pin' It Real On the other hand, you can go for reality in the comics, too. T h e characters in The Boondocks keep well within the boundaries of normal behavior yet manage to churn out biting political comedy almost every day. T h e key to keeping it real yet making it funny is to exaggerate the characters' reactions or actions. If the characters can do or say the things we can't but wish we could, the comedy will come shining through. In any strip, one thing remains consistent: T h e words and drawings work in concert with each other. They never repeat, but each part brings a unique set of information to the strip—so much so, that neither would work without the other.

The Multi-Panel Strip T h e industry standard for comedy cartoons is the multi-panel strip. In a multi-panel strip, you have room to build the joke. You can add visual gags in the background. You can use suspense text and visuals to create a brief, effective story that's also a perfectly formed gag.

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I asked Jerry Craft, creator of A/lamas Boyz, why papers contain a lot of funny comic strips, but hardly any comic books are dedicated to humor. This is what he said: Traditionally, it's the girl's market that publishes full-length [funny] comic books, but after a certain age, most girls completely cut off from comic books. Boys keep reading comic books for a much longer time, but they tend to gravitate to the superhero stuff. For some reason, humor titles don't do well in the comic book market.

In addition, multi-panel strips can do everything from showing a changing mood of a character to indicating the passage of time. When you have multiple panels to work with, you can incorporate many different elements so you can get the maximum amount of laughter from the reader.

THE SARCASTICS

An example of a multi-panel strip.

art: YvonneMojica.com

(Artwork courtesy of Yvonne Mojica)

When you consider that many of these comic strips run daily, you realize you have multiple panels, spread over multiple days, to tell your story. This helps create a feeling of movement for the strip—something that will draw loyal readers.

Submitting Cartoons Okay, there's a giant hodge-podge of rules for submitting cartoons, so you'll need to do your homework. Some places want electronic submissions only. Some places demand that you send in traditional color copies. If you're doing a book of cartoons, every publisher has its own guidelines, and if you're even a wee bit off, you're toast. T h e only medium that seems to have any concrete cartoon submission guidelines is network television, where they want you to format everything like a sitcom (see Chapter 22 for more on sitcoms).

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The Caption Reads... Captions are a special breed of cartoon. They are single panels that tend to be extremely to the point. Because there isn't as much room to develop the gag, the comedy has to be crisper and the subject more pointed. The Writer's World

art: YvonneMojicq.com

A single-panel cartoon. (Artwork courtesy of Yvonne Mojica)

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Political cartoonists have favored captions for years. A caption calls attention to a single idea and makes the reader react to very specific information. It's a high-risk, highreward style of comedy writing. As you might guess, captions present a tough challenge to comedy writers. How can you keep your subject pointed yet not seem preachy and, thus, unfunny? Yvonne Mojica, who drew several of the figures in this book, has a unique way of looking at the single-panel process: With a single panel, I tend to think of the illustration as the setup of the joke and the text as the punch line. It can also work the other way. Either way, the setup-punch contrast must be strong because you have less time for the reader to get the joke. By using one element to set up the other, you are basically breaking down the panel into a classic setup-payoff formula the audience can easily understand. T h e easier it is for them to understand your comedy, the easier it'll be for them to laugh.

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Visuals First With any type of visual comedy, it's important to remember that the reader sees the picture before he reads the caption. Be sure people can understand the joke in that order, and that seeing the visual won't spoil the caption's punch line.

Not Just for Cartoons Anymore Captions have now gone beyond cartoons. With the emergence of digital photography and the ability to quickly manipulate images, you would be surprised at how effective a well-placed caption can be. Again, all the rules for traditional captioning and cartoon writing apply; however, the images have a built-in feeling of reality that drawings could never provide. As for caption format, it's just as much of a free-for-all as cartoons are. Your best bet is to find out what the publisher wants and give him exactly that.

Exercise: Every Picture Has a Caption Want to get good at writing captions in a hurry? Nothing teaches better than just doing something. Get a good assortment of pictures that you have no previous attachment to. So either break into a one-hour photo booth, or avoid the felony and buy a foreign-language magazine, preferably one with lots of pictures. Then cut out the pictures and write 10 captions for each. Be sure the caption plays off something in the photo and that the caption is sufficiently brief. When you feel you're skilled enough at writing captions, grab a digital camera and click away. Then see if you can take some photos that can inspire you to write some jokes!

The Least You Need to Know • Joke books tend to be written around themes. • In any long-form comedy writing, there needs to be a balance between storytelling and jokes. • If you can't stand your novel while you're writing it, no readers will be able to stand it, either. • You're able to do things in comic strips that are beyond the realm of reality. • People see the visual before they read the caption. • If a publisher makes a formatting request, follow it.

Sitcoms In This Chapter • Writing spec-scripts • Examining the sitcom pilot • Looking at show bibles • Using a spec-script Sitcom writing is perhaps one of the oddest art forms around. Existing in that murky area of "not quite film," it stands alone as a unique and difficult medium to master. It is also one of the easiest ways for a comedy writer to enter television writing. Comedy writers who can master this odd, two-act formula and show a proficiency to create comedy within the parameters of preexisting characters can rise swiftly through the network ranks. If you can write sitcoms—and write them well—you'll work steadily and move up quickly in the sitcomwriting ranks.

How Sitcoms Work A sitcom is a short comedic story told in jokes that is presented in a twoact format and features a continuing cast of characters. Network sitcoms

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Part J : Different Jokes for Different Folks run approximately 22 minutes, and premium cable shows run about 25 minutes (30 minutes minus commercials).

By the Numbers T h e first thing to understand is that the sole purpose of television—and sitcoms in particular—is to be interesting enough for the audience to stay tuned during the commercials. It's about selling products; it's not about art. Sitcom writing is also more tuned to writing for an audience. Television is a slave to the demographics. Why do you think people always talk about Nielsen ratings and what show is number one? You want those numbers and statistics so you can tailor shows to the audience and the sponsors.

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V / ^ Network television is about sitcoms. There will always be sitcoms. Lou Viola, producer, MSNBC

T h e upshot of this obsession with numbers is that . for . an audience. you, as a sitcom writer,. do. write You might have some creative freedom when a show is being created or during the first few episodes, but once it's up and running and has a fan base, you have to give the people what they want.

Size Matters Because a sitcom is only 20 to 24 minutes long, you must tell the entire story in a very short time. Therefore, you have to keep the story simple. You don't have time for complex. T h e simpler the story is, the better. Write small, but weave big is the concept to remember. Pick the smallest inciting incident and have the characters make a big to-do over it. T h e action doesn't have to be dynamic or important; it just has to be funny.

Return to Sameness People watch sitcoms for two possible reasons: they either recognize the character or they aspire to be the character. With these truths in mind, you have to find a way to end every episode exactly where you started it. Don't change a thing. I call this rule "return to sameness." Sitcoms don't have a story arc; they make more of a complete circle and bring the personalities of all the characters back to where they started. Most everything is back to "normal" at the end of the half-hour.

Chapter 22: Sitcoms 231 Conflict Sitcom spec-scripts are conflict-driven episodes where obstacles and situations keep the characters separated from their goals. N o scene can exist without one of the three kinds of conflict: Umbrella conflict. An umbrella conflict is the overall general pressure all the characters feel. It's the background conflict for the series. In Taxi, it's the pressures of working in a cab company. In That '70s Show, it's the pressure of being Funny Files a teenager during the 1970s. T h e umbrella conflict permeates all the other types of conflicts and flavors the show from episode to episode. If you're creating a series, the umbrella conflict is what you're actually selling to the networks.

It's definition time. A spec-script is a script you've written for a show currently on the air to show the industry that you're capable of manipulating preexisting characters and making them funny.

• Episodic conflict. Each episode needs to be about something. That something is the episodic conflict. It could be Jerry looking for a new apartment in a Seinfeld episode. On Will and Grace it could be Will's feeling upset because Grace has a husband now. Or it could be Mary having to write a eulogy for a deceased clown on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. T h e episodic conflict is—did you guess this already?—the general topic of an episode. Scenic conflict. Each episode is packed with a variety of scenes. Think of each scene as a small obstacle that prevents the main character from getting to his goal. That obstacle is the scenic conflict.

Bag of Tricks Bonus advice: Only write specscripts for shows currently in production. Once a show is off the schedule, its value as a spec-script is worthless.

The Big Misconception Some people might believe sitcoms get their comedy from the situations in the episode. That's not true. Sitcoms need situations to propel the characters, but those situations are actually secondary when it comes to producing the comedy.

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Where does sitcom comedy come from? Rick Messina, an executive producer for The Drew Corey Show, shares his opinion: When you're writing for situation comedies, the actual jokes are devalued. In television, it's more about the characters and conflict. It's about how you manipulate the characters and conflict and not about the jokes in the script. The jokes are the last element to be tweaked. A script is sold, or gains momentum for the writer, based on its characters and conflict.

Hard Comedy We divide sitcom jokes into two categories: hard and soft comedy. Hard comedy comes from the character's unique perceptions. Soft comedy is about things that could come from anyone. Jokes about used cars are soft comedy. Frasier's commenting on the problems he's having with his used Jaguar is hard comedy. In television, hard comedy is king.

The

Guy Sitcoms are about stereotypes and placing blame. We can break down every show to its stereotypical characters: the dumb guy, the sarcastic guy, etc. T h e characters aren't supposed to change, so they have to remain superficial. You have to trump up one or two qualities per character and take it from there. We define characters by their most identifiable trait. On Taxi, Latka was the foreign guy. On All in the Family, Mike was the liberal guy. On Friends, both Phoebe and Joey were the dumb guys. T h e character types are tried and true. We see them over and over, from series to series. Woody was the dumb one on Cheers, but on Friends, Phoebe filled that role, and on The Mary Tyler Moore Show, there was Ted. Every show relies on stock personalities. Keep your jokes simpler by using only basic human behavior. Characters should differ only by history, not personality. Don't try to change the characters. T h e biggest mistake you can make is to evolve the players. They behave the way they do for a reason: because they work. Using the characters in a unique way will only get your script rejected. Sorry, but this is one area of comedy writing where you don't get points for being creative.

Chapter ZZ: Sitcoms 2 3 3 Bag of Tricks Before you start writing, know your characters. Put together information sheets on each character, including personality traits, historical data you've picked up by watching episodes or writing a show bible, things you believe the character is capable of, word choices for the character, as well as physical descriptions and relationship breakdowns between this character and all the other characters on the show. In short, include anything you can think of about the character. This will help you avoid heavy rewrites later.

Understanding Your Characters Like most comedy lovers, you have probably spent a good part of your lifetime in front of that little picture box and know more about the characters than you care to admit. If you've even half paid attention, you probably have all the vital character and story information drilled into your subconscious. You can probably even quote character personalities chapter and verse for the sitcoms you love. Even for a new show, you can most likely understand the character in just a few minutes. To understand your character and write him well, you need to get to his basic nature. Find out what makes him tick when he interacts with other characters. To get the best read on this, try some triangle character analysis.

Character Triangle When a character speaks to his mother about finances, he speaks one way. When he speaks with his best friend, he'll have a different take on the subject. But what happens when he's forced into a triangle scene with both characters? He's then forced to make choices and behave closer to one way than the other. The way he leans will help define his true nature. When you need to find out a bit more about a character, put him in a triangle situation and see how he defines himself.

Dialogue Sitcoms are about quick, witty dialogue, otherwise known as banter. Banter is designed to get out the maximum amount of information using the minimum number of words. To master sitcom dialogue, you must grasp the concept of call-and-response. When most of us speak, we speak tangentially. We start talking about one topic, then meander through the subjects that touch on it. After we speak for a while—possibly a very long while because, like me, most people believe they're brilliant—the other participant in the conversation will respond in the same lengthy, tangential fashion.

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Part J : Different Jokes for Different folks However, sitcoms get right to the point. Character A speaks briefly about a single topic. Character B responds just as briefly. They complete each thought before changing the subject. That's call and response. You'll find very few long speeches in sitcoms. When you do find them, they're usually loaded with jokes. Sitcoms are all about the jokes, so get to it. Bag of Tricks One very effective trick to making dialogue crisper is to make it shorter. When you're editing your script, put parentheses around any words in the dialogue that you think are removable. Then read it without the parenthetical words. If it still works without these words, remove them. Also, don't overuse character names in the dialogue. Besides making the dialogue wordy, the repetition sounds unrealistic. Limit using each character's name to once per act.

One thing you can do in T V dialogue you can't do in other types of dialogue is to use it to fill in missing pieces of the story. "Show, don't tell" doesn't apply here. Dialogue is problematic because most writers don't take the time to study each individual character's dialogue. Instead of writing good dialogue for Ross or good dialogue for Joey, they write their interpretation of Ross and Joey. Take time to learn each character's unique speech patterns and vocabulary. It will make your dialogue crisper.

Narrative Remember to describe all the characters' physical activities in a highly visual style. Develop a narrative style that makes your words leap off the page. For example, which of the following sounds more effective? Funny Files What's one thing you'll find on every sitcom writer's desk? A great, well-used thesaurus. Get your hands on one of these if you want to make your narrative pop.

Chandler walks across to the kitchen, where an angry Monica is waiting for him. Chandler reluctantly shuffles across to the kitchen, where Monica waits, filming. If you chose the second example, you're good. T h e visual quality in it speaks to the character's mind-set and makes for a crisper narrative.

Chapter 22: Sitcoms 2 3 5

Exercise: Keying Narrative If you want to learn how to write good narrative, try this: Record an episode of a sitcom you're familiar with. Watch it, and as you watch it, type the show into script format. You'll find that keying the dialogue is easy, but deciding how to phrase the narrative takes some effort. You'll have to find the precise words to get the images to come to life on the paper. Keep going until you're confident you've gotten all the important details on the page. It's one thing for me to tell you how crisp the narrative has to be, but doing this exercise will bring that concept to life. Bag of Tricks What gets described in narrative? Three things: •

Setting. Don't describe what you see every week, just any differences from the norm.

•

Movement. Only describe movement attached to plot or punch lines.

•

Emotional reactions that have a physical component. This is the look on someone's face or his posture when he's caught doing something he shouldn't be doing.

Subplots Your sitcom can have a single story. If the main plot is interesting enough and involves all the show's primary characters, you don't need a second story. Unfortunately, with as simple as most sitcom plots have to be and since the characters are already defined, a single story usually won't provide enough misdirection for the audience. Put enough misdirection into the script so your audience can't guess the ending before the end. The subplot is the best tool you have to accomplish this goal. The subplot also helps you use every character in the series. It may be easy to use everyone in a four-character sitcom; however, the more characters you have, the harder it is to incorporate each character into the story.

No Laughing Matter_ Use subplots as a diversion from the main plot, but still keep the style of the show in mind. If a series only uses one story line, use only one story line in your spec-script. Match the number and style of subplots to what you see airing on a regular basis.

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Part 3: Different Jokes for Different Folks The key with subplots is to sprinkle them in as needed. With too much subplot, the main plot will suffer. Use not enough subplot, and the main story becomes predictable. Using subplots is a trial-and-error process until you find that perfect balance. Writers use four basic subplots: • Standard subplot. A standard subplot is the most common type. It is a second story completely different from the main plot. This type of subplot enables you to choose contrasting story lines, which will vary the types of jokes you use in your spec-script. • Splintered subplot. In a splintered subplot, both storylines have the same inciting incident. T h e characters, however, split into different groups and come to different resolutions. • Feathered subplot. In a feathered subplot, the characters start with the same inciting incident, then break into groups as they move toward resolution, and eventually all reach the same resolution at the same time. This is a very difficult type of script to write well; however, when it's good, it's very impressive. • Running gag. With a running gag, you have one main plot, but at several times throughout the course of the script, a character interrupts the action with nonsense. Seinfeld mastered this type of subplot, with having Jerry, Elaine, and George involved in one thing, when suddenly Kramer bursts in and does something weird. This might seem like an easy type of spec-script to write, but the interrupting gag has to be unyieldingly funny, otherwise the script will fall short.

Bag of Tricks How many jokes do you need to write in a sitcom script? As many as you can fit in. Comedy is subjective, and not everyone will laugh at every joke. Load your script with a lot of character-generated jokes to maximize the chances that someone will find something funny. Aim for four jokes per page. Assuming 1 page is about 30 seconds of material (more on page and time later in the chapter), 4 jokes per page yields 8 jokes a minute, or approximately 1 every 7!/2 seconds. With the characters clearly defined and using call-and-response dialogue, it's a bit easier than it may seem at first.

Structuring Your Spec-Script A sitcom is structured unlike anything else in the entertainment industry. It's not quite a screenplay and not quite a radio script. A sitcom's spec-script is unique as well, and has been developed to fit the special needs of the sitcom script.

Chapter 22: Sitcoms 237 The Two-Act Structure Most everything you read follows a threeact structure because most every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. In the world of sitcoms, however, where the characters and histories preexist, you don't need the exposition-driven beginning. That leaves you with two acts' worth of information to write. Ta da: the two-act structure. Each act is then divided into three or four parts, depending on the production company producing the scripts.

Bag of Tricks One of the frustrating things about television writing is that although the format is almost the same from show to show within a genre, every production company has its own idiosyncrasies in how it sets up its scripts. Get copies of the script for the show you're working on so you can learn the exact format for the spec-script you're writing.

Teaser vs. Cold Open Every show has to start. Some shows dive right into the first act and try to pull the audience in by using conflict. This method is called the cold open and relies on the hope that the viewer will be too invested in the story to change the channel. The more popular way to start a sitcom script is with a teaser. A teaser is an extremely brief scene, usually less than two minutes, that tries to jolt the audience into the episode by using a powerful jolt of humor. These quick strikes of humor don't even have to relate to the plot of the script. The idea behind teasers is that if the viewer is laughing very hard at the teaser, he or she won't change the station. Bag of Tricks The best way to find out how the series you're writing for uses teasers or cold opens is to get your hands on a script. Or you could watch the show. If it has a short scene, then the credit sequence/theme music, then a commercial, that's a teaser. If it starts with the credit sequence/theme music, then has a scene, then, a few minutes later, a commercial, that's a cold open.

Act I The purpose of the first act is to provide conflict. Write an inciting incident near the top of the act. Something needs to happen to spur the characters into action. Sitcoms work because the audience enjoys seeing what the characters will do to get out of this week's jam. In the inciting incident, the characters should do something and not just have something happen to them.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folks "Up-end" the situation at the end of the first act. Make things get worse for your characters just before you go into a commercial break. Give the audience a reason to stay tuned.

Act II Act II continues the conflict from Act I and ends with the resolution. Yes, unfortunately, even sitcom stories have to end. You do return the characters to the place where they started the episode, so in a lot of ways, the resolution is pre-ordained. The trick in the second act is to make that return trip believable.

The Tag The tag is the little piece at the end of the script, usually after the last commercial and less than a minute long, where you have room for one last joke. The good tag is quick, preferably verbal, and calls back another strong joke from the episode. Remember, the resolution has already happened, so the joke can be totally detached from the plot. Just make it funny.

Formatting Your Spec-Script As sitcoms differ from other types of scripts in structure, so, too, do their scripts differ in format and how they appear on the page. Here are the basics.

Margins and Layout Unfortunately, the margins of a sitcom spec-script page vary from show to show. (Of course, production companies need to confuse comedy writers; otherwise everyone would be writing sitcoms!) Some things are constant, though. All sitcom scripts need to be set in 12-point Bag of Tricks Courier type with 1 -inch margins all around the Final Draft and Screenwriter page. After that, it's not so clear-cut. Movie-Magic Pro are the two script-formatting programs that corner the market. Both have multiple sitcom templates you can use to set up your spec-script.

Some shows center the character names in dialogue. More often, the names are indented anywhere from VA to 2/4 inches from the left margin. The other margins are just as nebulous.

Chapter 22: Sitcoms 239 To get accurate margins, you could sit with a ruler and measure each script element. However, that's about as effective as using a sundial to tell time. Join the current century. Buy some script-formatting software. Use a formatting program so you can focus your time on the stuff you should be concentrating on—characters, conflict, and jokes.

Page Numbers After page 1, every subsequent page of a spec-script has to be numbered in the top left corner. Some production companies also include scene letters (A, B, C, etc.) to the right of the page number. If they do it on their scripts, you do it on yours.

The First Page On the first page of your spec-script, list the name of the show, the title of the script, the act number, and the scene letter or the word TEASER. Center all this information on the page, approximately a third of the way down from the top margin.

Each New Scene Every scene in a spec-script begins on a new page, and the scene letter is displayed at the start of the scene. The scene lettering starts at scene A and works its way through the alphabet for each progressive scene. The scene letter is always capitalized and centered on the page. If the new scene begins the second act of a spec-script, the act number should appear above the scene letter.

The Sluq Line Slug lines indicate where and when a scene takes place and what type of lighting it needs. Although the look of a slug line sometimes varies, it will always be similar to this: INT. DREWS KITCHEN—DAY The first part of the slug line is general location information and usually only one of two things—either INT. for interior or EXT. for exterior. The second part of the slug line is where the action takes place. The third part is the time of day. You can either be specific when indicating the time, such as 2:15 P.M., or general, as in Afternoon. Whatever you decide to do, keep it consistent throughout the script.

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Character Lists Directly below the slug line and enclosed in parentheses is a list of all the characters who appear in the scene in the order they appear/speak (or speak off-screen).

Narrative and Dialogue Set all narrative in a spec-script uppercase. Character names appearing above that character's dialogue are also set uppercase. Dialogue itself is set uppercase and lowercase; however, all the dialogue is double-spaced.

Transitions Transitions are those two- or three-word indicators such as CUT TO: or FADE IN: which you always set capped and right-justified along the right margin. Transitions usually fall before the slug line at the start of an act or at the very end of the act. Transitions are usually right-justified, but sometimes they are left-justified. How do you know where to place yours? Look for the word in. If in appears in the transition, it is left-justified. If it doesn't, it's right-justified. Also, label the end of each act of a spec-script with END OF ACT ONE, END OF ACT TWO, etc. Always center these transitions.

Odds and Ends Remember the following bits of information while you're writing your spec-script, and you'll be on the right track: • Most sitcoms are taped in a studio in front of a studio audience, which limits where scenes can take place. • Usually there are three primary locations per sitcom. • Use every primary set in your spec-script. • Use all the main characters in your spec-script, and avoid creating new characters for your episode. • Try not to use sound effects, special effects, or camera directions. If you do use them, set them capitalized and underlined within the narrative. • A formatted sitcom page translates into 30 seconds of TV time, so your optimum page count is between 42 and 46 pages for a half-hour television sitcom. (For a premium half-hour cable sitcom, the range is 48 to 52 pages because you don't have to leave room for commercials.)

Chapter 22: Sitcoms

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• Spec-scripts need to be for running series, and you need more than one for most industry purposes. To hit the market running, write a new spec-script every six to eight weeks. • Your story must be original yet fit in with the tone of the show. • Your spec-script must grab the reader in the first 10 pages. Front-load it with your most memorable jokes. These are the basic sitcom elements. Of course, other things will pop up along the way. Use common sense to figure out anything you are uncertain about. When in doubt, examine a professionally produced script of the show you're writing a specscript for and do exactly what they did.

Spec-Scripts vs. Pilots We've been looking at spec-scripts so far, but what if you have an original idea for a new series? Industry insiders create and develop the lion's share of new sitcoms, so creating one of your own is a long shot. However, on occasion, long shots pay off. Do the groundwork to make your chances for success better than the rest of the pack. Create a good, strong idea that has a lot of comedic potential. Also, develop a good spec-script to accompany your pilot. The show you create will go through many twists and turns during the development process. Producers and networks need to see that you can write what the show will eventually become and not just your initial vision in the pilot. A spec-script tells them you can write to someone else's vision, too.

Choosing a Spec Here are some good rules of thumb for picking a perfect spec-script: • Know the show well. • Have similar comedic sensibilities to the sitcom

Bag of Tricks

^ \ / § L i X Most producers have their eye on syndication, which is much Pick a commercial hit, but try to f i f / 1 more lucrative if a series reaches pick a show that hasn't been on the \*fJl ^ ®® e P i s °des. Be sure your air for too long. conflicts are strong enough that producers can see 100 episodes Understand very well the characters of j n y 0 u r idea

the show you're writing for.

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Part 3: Different Jokes for Different Folks When you're choosing a spec-script to use as a sample with your pilot, pick a series that has a similar comedic sensibility to the pilot you're writing.

Developing an Oriqinal Idea You have to do a lot of things right if you want to develop a pilot that will attract industry attention. Right off the bat you're going to have to come up with an umbrella conflict unique enough to give the show a new feel but familiar enough to get everyone to buy it. Workplace shows do this exceedingly well. Developing a pilot is easier than it might seem. In the history of sitcoms, all shows fall neatly into one of six major themes: • Work-related sitcoms. Cheers, Taxi, and Murphy Brown • Family relationship sitcoms. All in the Family and Everybody Loves Raymond

p") Bag of Tricks The pressure of a work environment is understandable to everyone, and different workplaces give series a unique feel. Barney Miller, Taxi, and Murphy Brown differed only in what the job was.

• Buddy/friendship sitcoms. The Odd Couple, Friends, and Will and Grace • Romantic sitcoms. Mad About You and Dharma and Greg • Sitcoms from the kids' POV. Welcome Back Kotter and Square Pegs • Ever-popular misfit sitcoms. Alf, Get Smart, and The Beverly Hillbillies

These themes are the basis of the umbrella conflict. The trick comes when you mix sitcom types. The Dick Van Dyke Show mixed family and work. Cheers mixed work, friendship, and romance. When you're creating a mixed sitcom, balance the types carefully to maintain an identifiable comedic feel for your audience. You also need strong, easily identifiable character types and a firm grasp of where the conflict is coming from. Once all that is firmly in place, you're ready to put together a pilot script and show bible.

The Pilot Script A pilot script is a bit harder to write than a spec-script. When you write a spec-script, you have the advantage of writing for pre-existing characters who already have their traits and quirks and whom the audience already recognizes. When you write a pilot script, you have to introduce and define the new characters.

Chapter 22: Sitcoms 2 4 3 T h e best way to define new characters is to write an episode of introduction. In this episode, characters are introduced into the reality of the show. By defining the new character to the world, you are also explaining the umbrella conflict and all the characters to the audience. Look at these pilot episode plots: • Cheers. Diane is dumped by her fiance at the bar, so she accepts Sam's offer for a job. •

The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Mary moves to Minneapolis after a broken engagement and joins the staff of WJM news.

• Friends. Rachel breaks up with her fiance and moves in with Monica. Of course, that's not the only way to do it. Some series start with the characters already familiar to each other. M*A*S*H and The Cosby Show both hit the ground running. T h e key with pilot episodes that are conflict driven is to keep the initial conflict small enough that you have room for character exposition.

Outlines and Treatments Some writers go from concept straight to script writing. Although I admire the moxie these writers show, I can tell you that this approach will undoubtedly cause them a lot of extra rewriting and editing time later. I start by creating several documents: s^ T^x n Qt TricUs Log-line pitch •

One-page outline

•

Episode treatment

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• Scene-by-scene synopsis You will use the log-line pitch, the one-page outline, and an episode treatment when you're marketing your script, so you're really not doing extra work by getting those down now. These are the same four primary documents we covered for film in Chapter 20. T h e log line and the one-page outline are exactly the same. An episode treatment in a sitcom follows the same rules as a film synopsis; and the scene-by-scene synopsis in a sitcom would be called a treatment in film speak. Different terminology, but it's the same thing.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folks

The Show Bible When you create a pilot, you'll also need to produce a show bible. A show bible is the document you'll give the industry that tells them everything they need to know about your series. In short, it's your "how-to" for developing your show idea.

Bag of Tricks When you're writing a series treatment, don't think broad strokes; think fine points instead. Don't make the reader have to guess about anything. Shine a ight on everything you can think of; define everything on the page for your audience.

The Series Treatment The cornerstone of any show bible is the series treatment, a narrative telling of all the fine points of the story. In about five pages, the series treatment should clearly define the umbrella conflict, the relationships between characters, and the type of comedy this series will provide. Don't overlook the importance of being fanny in the descriptions. If you bore the reader with the treatment, he may think the series will do the same.

Show Bible Elements In addition to the series treatment, every show bible contains a number of important elements: • Character sheets. These should run about one to three pages for each primary character and about a paragraph for the lesser ones. Each should include any historical information that might come into play in the series and should clearly define the personality and points of conflict for the character. • Pilot episode treatment. This is the same as a spec-script episode treatment (see the "The Episode Treatment" section earlier in the chapter). • Set descriptions. Set descriptions are detailed ideas on what the primary locations of the show will look like. These run about two pages. Every sitcom has three primary locations, so make sure you have vivid details for the design of each place. Some people include diagrams of the sets in a show bible, but that's not a requirement. • One-paragraph episode breakdowns. These are one-paragraph episode breakdowns for the next several episodes. They demonstrate that your idea can exist for more than just the pilot episode. One-paragraph breakdowns are slightly larger than a log-line pitch and will include a bit on both the plot and the subplot.

Chapter 22: Sitcoms 2 W I've seen people do 1 -paragraph breakdowns for the next 5 episodes (networks often order 6 episodes to start), the next 12 episodes (a half-season), or the next 25 episodes (a full-season order). How many you do is up to you, but the more you put into a show bible, the greater the chances that your show will be rejected. • Episode log lines. Use these to flesh out the series at least through the first season. Wherever you stop writing the one-paragraph breakdowns, continue writing log lines until you've touched on at least 26 episodes. I have seen some overzealous writers do log lines for the first 100 episodes, although that's a bit over the top. • N o t e s on style. T h e episode will have a certain style, both humor and visual. Write about one page detailing the tone, pace, and look of the show. • Place and time. You should also spend a page or two writing about time and place and the way it affects the characters. T h e era in which the show took place directly influenced the characters from Happy Days. T h e characters in M*A*S*H were influenced by where they were. Give some details so the prospective buyer can see how time and place will impact the conflict. • Demographic breakdowns (optional). Some people choose to put some demographic breakdowns into the show bible. Although having a logical reason why you think males 18 to 34 will watch your sitcom idea is great, the probability that an intended audience will watch a program is remote. W h o is cast in the role, as well as time slot and network, often dictate the demographic breakdown of a show. If you want to put in potential demographic breakdowns, be specific and detailed, but keep it to one page.

Show Bible Layout Now is the math portion of your work. A show bible is made up of a minimum of 3 8 pages (although I've see them run as long as 100 pages). But the hard part—how do you arrange those pages? T h e industry sets no standard for how a show bible should look. What goes where is strictly up to your personal preferences. As long as all the elements are in the package, you'll be fine. This is the order that works for me: I put the series treatment first so prospective buyers will know what I want to sell them. I follow that with the character sheets, set descriptions, notes on style, and place and time. By putting this information up front, I guarantee that the reader will understand my series idea.

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Part S: Different Jokes for Different Folks Then I go to the pilot episode treatment, one-paragraph episode breakdowns, and episode log lines so everyone will see how I intend to execute the concept. If I were to include a demographic breakdown, I'd do it at the end so the business of television wouldn't get in the way of the art of television. Whenever you send out a pilot package to potential buyers, include the show bible, pilot script, and a spec-script. This packet of information should answer any questions anyone might have about your idea or your writing abilities.

Using Your Spec-Script You've finished your spec-script or pilot, and you want your Emmy. Hold on—you still have a few steps in between! Although space doesn't permit me to go into the full details of how to market your script (I smell a second edition here), keep the following in mind as you market your television comedy writing: • Don't send a spec-script to a particular show. Sending a Frasier spec-script to Frasier's producers can only end in rejection. Why? They know the show better than you do, so every small flaw in your spec-script will be magnified. • Even if they like your script, they don't know who you are, and they might fear potential lawsuits if they have a similar idea in the works. A spec-script is like a business card. It's a reminder of who you are and what you do. Don't get upset if your episode is never filmed because that's not why you're writing it. Sure, eventually that would be nice, but remember you're writing to write and to have others recognize your abilities.

i ^ _ _ J / Comedy Pros # f'f

Writers use spec-scripts to get jobs, so they have to keep in mind what the industry ooking for. Rick Messina told me his standard: When I'm reading spec-scripts, the first thing I want to know is that they're written well. Then I have to ask myself a big question: Can I get this kid staffed based on these spec-scripts? The scripts could be brilliantly funny, but they may not be the kind of scripts that can get him hired. Most writers get started through the specscript process, so what shows they choose become a critical choice. That script is the first impression people will have of you as a writer.

Chapter 22: Sitcoms

2*t7

Take the time to learn who "the people" in Hollywood are and what they do. The more knowledge you have before attacking the market, the better your chances are of success. Daily Variety and The Hollywood Reporter are good places to start your education. Finally, keep churning out spec-scripts. If writing for sitcoms is what you want to do, you have to keep your samples fresh. If you get stale, the market will pass you by.

The Least You Need to Know •

Sitcom jokes come from the characters, not the situations.

• You cannot change the nature of the character in your spec-script. • Because you're working in a limited time frame, sitcom stories need to be small in scope. •

Sitcoms are written in a two-act format that is unlike any other type of script.

•

Sitcom scripts are 42 to 46 pages in proper format (48 to 52 pages for cable sitcom scripts).

• Pilot scripts need to effectively present both the umbrella conflict of the episode and the characters in the series.

Ensemble Comedy In This Chapter • Writing sketches • Making funny films •

Staging funny dramas

• Examining comedy teams Okay, so there's more than one person onstage, and they're all doing comedy. It could be in a theater, in a movie, or even just a couple guys performing team stand-up. T h e important thing is that it's a multi-person performance. Ensemble comedy gives the writer the freedom to use multiple characters and points of view to tell the story. It is a great way for comedy writers to get complex ideas in front of an audience while keeping it simple with just a couple people talking.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folks

Sketch This FADE IN: I N T A TALK S H O W SET—DAY A PBS-STYLE TALK S H O W S E T T W O P E O P L E SIT FACING EACH O T H E R . O N E IS A SMALLER M A N I N A CONSERVATIVE S U I T T H E O T H E R IS A LARGE, W I L D M A N W H O SNORTS A N D MAKES ANIMAL NOISES. T H E SMALLER MAN IS AFRAID O F T H E LARGER MAN. DANTE Good evening, I'm Dante Dalton. Welcome to Phenomenon. With me today, from the inner of the cerebellum, is the Id. ID (AGGRESSIVE AND HOSTILE) Nice head you got. Interesting shape. Good frontal lobe slope. Sketches get right to it. There is no easing into the story or lazily discovering the characters. Your audience has to know what is going on right now. After all, if you take too long to get into it, your sketch will be too long.

What the Heck Is a Sketch? A sketch is a brief vignette that uses characters to exploit a single comedic theme. T h e keywords here are brief and single. Keep the scope of the comedy small and the style of the comedy broad, and you'll have a winning sketch-writing formula. A sketch can be audience-based or camera-based. Audience-based sketches have simple sets and can be carried out with a minimum of physical needs, so they fit perfectly in a theater. For television, sketches can use the camera to create some illusions, but they still need to be carried out in "real" time. Camera-based sketches aren't filmed before an audience, so they can be shot in bits and pieces and use the camera to create any illusions of time or reality you want. T h e difference between audience-based and camera-based sketches is basically the difference between Saturday Night Live and Monty Python.

Sketch Elements Five things, and only five things, go into a sketch. Use these five elements in the right combination, and you should get some good jokes:

Chapter 23: Ensemble Comedy 2 5 1 • Characters. Make your characters memorable as well as a bit exaggerated. Decades after the character was done, people still remember John Belushi's Saturday Night Live samurai character or the Coneheads. You want to create characters who have plenty of idiosyncrasies that you can successfully build comedy around. How do you do that? Keep reading. Comedy Pros Here's a very helpful hint: Make your mv>^ u + * • *u i J

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How important is the visual

characters one note. Pick a single thing " \ d e m e n t jn s k e t c h w r j t i n g ? A |j Leroj who wrote for The Chris Rock about the character you can exploit for a Show, had this to say about it: brief time, then get the heck out of there. Your sketch can't just have T h e deeper you make a character, the things that sound funny, it more time you're going to have to spend has to look funny, which exploring his personality. If the character will help it grab the audience's attention. has no depth, but instead is just a onenote character, you have less to explain, so you can keep the sketch short. • Conflict. T h e conflict needs to be quick, explosive, and brief. If it takes too much time to get through it, the sketch won't work. Think arguments and missteps as opposed to serious injustice. It would be too difficult to have a sketch about a prisoner's execution, but you can have a very funny sketch about a condemned man ordering his last meal. T h e conflict doesn't have to be tied to any reality, either. In "The Id" sketch I'm using in this chapter, the reactions to a misbehaving guest (the conflict) go from polite to aggressive in a matter of seconds. That's ideally what you want—a conflict that you can easily blow up. The Id Sketch

(continued)

DANTE Yes, well, thank you. Now Id ... ID Muppet-shape, missing-link head. You look like a lint brush with facial features. DANTE (FORCED CALM) I d . . . ID You walk erect. We're witnessing de-evolution.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folk DANTE Id. One moment. Just let me ask you ... ID Look how close your eyes are to each other. Were your parents related, or did they just meet on a blue bus? DANTE (LOSING IT) That's not nice! Bag of Tricks

I style my sketch descriptions in two ways. I write anything that's meant to be funny in fluid, vivid details. Anything that's just being used to explain something or to set a scene, I edit until I get the

• Setting. Choose a setting that either brings something to the comedy or gets out of the comedy's way. Belushi's samurai character working at a deli added to the incongruity of the piece and made it funnier. In "The Id," a talk show set provides a simple logic for the scene but then retires to the background enough to get out of the way. Another setting might contain too many details that need to be addressed.

• Dialogue. T h e dialogue will carry the bulk of the jokes. Remember to keep on topic, and use the least number of words possible. You want to avoid any extras in a sketch, so even removing one word could be a good edit. • Descriptions. Same as with dialogue, shorter is better. Follow these tips for writing good short sketches: • Keep it short. • Keep it cheap and easy. If you use a horse in your sketch, you've created a nightmare for a T V show and an impossibility for a theater. • Keep it uncluttered. Go for small casts and easy sets. • Be visual. Make the look of the sketch as funny as the words. • Keep the reader guessing. Make your sketches and characters as unique as you can. • Write backward. Bad sketches don't have an ending. Make sure you do before you start writing. • Read it out loud. Sketches are meant to be performed, so be sure your dialogue sounds funny.

Chapter 23: Ensemble Comedy 2 5 3 You want a quick and definitive resolution, one that gets you out of the sketch swiftly and memorably. Look for contrast. In "The Id" sketch, I have the two characters in chairs and Dante is reserved. When the time comes to end the sketch, I get the characters out of the chairs and show a change in Dante's personality. The Id Sketch

(continued)

ID Check out that suit. It's Braille fashions. It looks like Peter Max's interpretation of vomit. D A N T E LOSES C O N T R O L O F HIMSELF. H E ASSAULTS T H E ID, T H R O W I N G HIM T O T H E G R O U N D AND, W I T H A PENCIL I N HAND, T H R E A T E N S HIM. FOR T H E FIRST TIME, T H E ID IS SILENT. DANTE (SCREAMING) Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up and behave or I'll dig your eyes out with this pencil! Do you understand me? ID (CALM) I like that. Kiss me! We're kindred spirits, you and me. Take me big man! DANTE You should have stayed in the subconscious. Back after this.

Bag of Tricks Sketches are disposable. They are a quickly written comedy form that you shouldn't waste a lot of time on. Either it's funny or it isn't. Either you have consistent laughs or you don't. You could spend years writing a screenplay, but a sketch should take you no more than a few hours. If one sketch isn't working, move on to the next idea.

BLACK O U T

Formatting Your Sketch Sketches are written for theater, television, or film. You will want to format the sketch in the style of the medium you're submitting to. For television sketches, use the sitcom format (see Chapter 22).

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folk

Funny in Film Funny movies have been a cinema staple since someone shot the first piece of celluloid. Writers have told their funny stories on the big screen for years, and whether it's a romantic comedy, teen romp, or buddy comedy, audiences have been laughing at movies for generations. (Unfortunately for some filmmakers, the comedy is unintentional.) What is a movie? Put simply, a movie is a story told in pictures and words. T h e visuals come first. T h e sooner you lock on to your visuals, the sooner the audience will lock on to your story.

Bag of Tricks You better believe the film industry has it's own jargon. Check out Appendix A.

Screenplay writing is one tough art form, standing alone as a unique and difficult medium to master. In this character-driven, story-heavy medium, visuals drive the plot. Thinking visually requires people to "think outside the box" and makes the story flow in a stimulating and captivating manner. It is one of the hardest types of stories to write. Why? Because of the goal—a bulletproof script.

What It Is ^ ^ ^ | ^"

No Laughing Matter _

Don't confuse sellable with quality. Lots of teen gross-out films featuring barely dressed college girls lack quality yet have a built-in audience. These films are sellable. Should you write or market scripts you don't believe in? No. Write what you love. If you love several ideas equally, work on the one that's more sellable.

When you write for film, you are writing and, ultimately, marketing a spec-script, a complete, featurelength screenplay. T h e concept, story, and execution are your own, or if the story is adapted from some other type of work (novel, magazine article, etc.), you have obtained the rights and have a contract with the owner of the source material. Your spec-script should be the best possible work you can do right now. The concept should be sellable if you're marketing it to major production companies. It should have a unique concept or story that has mass appeal and contains the kind of roles that will attract bankable stars.

25-50-25 A screenplay has a very familiar formula. It's a three-act structure, and each act has a specific purpose and size.

Chapter 23: Ensemble Comedy 2 5 5 T h e first act, called the act of introduction, contains all the primary information your story needs. It introduces the characters, defines the conflict, and sets the stakes of the conflict. This act makes up about 2 5 percent of the screenplay. T h e second act is called the act of escalation. It contains all the conflict and the majority of the movie's dramatic action. This act makes up about 50 percent of the movie. T h e third act is the act of resolution, which puts together all the information and brings the film to a close. This act counts for about 25 percent of the screenplay.

Five Points Film writers often start their writing process by defining "the five points." These are the five critical pieces of information the audience needs to know to follow the film: • Introduction. T h e introduction is the first 10 percent of your screenplay. In it, you have to define two of the following three things: tone, story, and character. Tone is the general style of your movie. T h e tone of Arthur is very different from the tone of Porky's. Especially with a comedy, the audience should right away understand and feel comfortable with the style of the film. Bag of Tricks After that, you need to hook the audience in either by a character or a story. As long as your audience knows and likes a character or understands what the heck is going on, they'll invest in the movie. Plot point 1. Plot point 1 comes at the end of the first act and is a reactive choice that spins the character into action. In Pretty Woman, this was Richard Gere's character being told that he needed, to bring a date to the negotiations while he's watching a call girl (Julia Roberts's character) taking a bath. Characters are thrust into situations, and conflict happens.

When I first start the process of writing a film, I try to come up with the five points before I outline the idea. If I know these major twists, I know I'm ready to write the idea.

Funny Files Okay, you caught me. There are really only three "points" and two things that aren't really points. These items probably should be called "the five things," but that's not nearly as catchy.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folks • Midpoint. T h e midpoint is the part most screenwriters have a problem with. It is a subtle change in the logic of the conflict that happens midway through the movie, right at the 50 percent mark. Every movie does this, but the best example I've seen in a while is from South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. T h e plot revolves around the parents of the children becoming upset at two foul-mouthed comedians, Terrance and Phillip, because their children saw the comics' movie and now the children are cursing up a storm. Midway through the film, the parents get together and decide the problem isn't with the comedians, it's with the country the comedians are from—Canada. T h e "Blame Canada" musical number changed the logic of the conflict from a war on comedians who use four-letter words to an all-out war against another country. It's an exaggerated version of what every film does—shifts the focus of the conflict so it won't seem repetitive and boring. • Plot point 2. T h e second plot point is a proactive decision made by the main character that leads that character toward resolution. In 10, Dudley Moore's character realizes that the husband of the object of his affection has fallen asleep and is probably in trouble in the ocean. H e chooses to go into the ocean to save him, which leads directly to Bo Derrick's character wanting to "thank him" in a way that boosted record sales for Ravel's "Bolero." An active action leads to the story's climax. (Yes, that was a deliberate choice of words given how the movie turned out.)

K^?1X—*s Comedy Pros Ali Leroi, who co-wrote the film Head of State, had the following advice for anyone who is writing a film comedy: When you're writing long-form comedy, it's story first. You need a story the audience can latch on to. It doesn't have to be a big story; but if it's all jokes and no story, nobody will be there to hear it.

• Climax. T h e climax is the point at which the audience feels the action of the story is completed. In O Brother, Where Art Thou? it's the moment Holly Hunter's character takes back her ex-husband. In Blazing Saddles, it's when the town is saved. Whatever moment completes the protagonist's action, that's the climax. Oftentimes, films will also have a button at the end, a cute little glimpse into the life of the main character after the course of the main action is done. A good example of this would be in The Producers when Max and Leo are overselling shares of the show they're producing in prison to inmates and guards.

Chapter 23: Ensemble Comedy 2 5 7 You'll notice that in both this and the "25-50-25" sections, I used percentages and not page numbers. The great thing about this screenwriting formula is that it works for every film, whatever the length.

Formatting Your Film Bag of Tricks

As a writer, it's easy to spend so much time on plot, character, and story that you sometimes tend to overlook physical presentation, but you can't do that. A script that is not perfect in presentation is the easiest out for a reader/producer/agent. If your script looks professional, you'll be treated professionally. I strongly urge you to get formatting software such as Final Draft or Screenwriter Movie-Magic Pro. I started out in the days of using tabs and changing margins to format my scripts. It's not fun. Professional software will allow you the freedom of concentrating solely on content, not form. This is especially valuable to the new screenwriter, who no longer has to sweat the cosmetic details of his script and is free to obsess about his script's various imaginary shortfalls.

Before you send out your script, fasten it together with 2 brass fasteners (brads).

No Laughing Matter _ ^

It's important to have your script ready before you begin the process of selling because the film industry is timesensitive. If a producer or director asks to read your script, it's important to get it to him ASAP, before other writers can pitch an idea and erase the memory of yours from his consciousness.

Formatting Your Screenplay In case you want to brave the formatting yourself, here are some guidelines: • Use 1-inch margins all around the page. • Use 12-point Courier typeface. • About halfway down the first page, or the cover page, put the screenplay name, in caps. • Drop down four lines and type A screenplay or Written. • Drop down two more lines and type by. • Drop down two lines and put your name. • About 10 lines from the bottom of the page, left-align the draft number, in caps, and under that the draft date.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folks • Across from that, put your own or your representative's contact info as you would set an address label. (Be sure to include your e-mail address and phone number.) • Centered at the top of the first page of the text, type the name of the screenplay. • Drop down four lines after the title and begin the text. • Capitalize slug lines, transitions, and character names at the top of the dialogue box. •

Single-space all dialogue and narrative.

• A feature-length script will be between 90 and 120 pages in format. Comedies average 100. • Don't number the scenes. That's the director's job. • Double-space between elements and subsequent dialogue boxes. • Triple-space before each new slug line. • Don't use continued at the top and bottom of a page. Use this only for broken dialogue boxes. • Underline all titles of major works. Also use underline in a speech when you want to emphasize something inside the dialogue. • Capitalize the names of characters when they first appear in the script. Do the same for any sounds. •

Give each special effect its own line of narrative.

•

Set visuals first when placing voiceovers.

• Avoid using the word CAMERA or naming camera shots in the script. • Avoid using W E SEE in your narrative. (Nobody cares what we see, just the story.) • Keep the script in a single tense throughout. • Kill all the -ings. Instead of They are fighting, use They fight. It speeds up the read. • Don't use modifiers such as "sadly" in dialogue boxes. Let the actor act. • Name as many of your characters as possible. T h e less generic you are, the less likely the character will be cut in studio rewrites. • Don't link specific music to a scene. Use phrases such as "With the same feel as ..." and give an example. Although I've never heard of anyone requesting special formatting for a screenplay, anything is possible. If you receive special instructions, follow them.

Chapter 23: Ensemble Comedy 2 5 9

No Laughing Matter ^

Some things will flat-out kill your story in the screenplay format. If you have any of these elements, give some thought to rewriting those scenes: •

Flashbacks

•

Telephone calls

•

Dream sequences

•

Tangential conversations

•

Excessive narrative

•

Narrative that cannot be shown

•

Too many montages

•

Long conversational scenes

Assume Away Let's assume your script is ready now. It's between 90 and 120 pages, in the proper format, and the approximate budget of the screenplay you've written is appropriate for the genre. It's helpful to get feedback from a professional before you send it out, just to be sure you haven't overlooked something, but if you feel it's ready to go, send it out! Oh, and one more thing: It's a comedy, so I would assume it's funny.

Curtain Up Moving from the highly structured to the loosely structured, we now enter the world of comedy writing for the theater. A movie has a definite number of acts, a sketch has a neatly defined dramatic flow, but plays are the great wide open for comedy writers, with content, dramatic form, and style as free as you want to make them.

Why Is This a Play? W h y should a play be a play? Why not make it a sitcom, sketch, or screenplay? Why the stage and nowhere else? The biggest deciding factor should be the need for intimacy. T h e proximity between audience and live actors creates an intimacy that makes the / ^ \ g ^ O & a 9 of Tricks audience a player in the production. Plays are usually of a higher standard than other forms of script writing. Ali . . . 11 i i T Leroi, a top scriptwriter, talks about what r

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makes the theater different:

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° v e r ^ radi( ? w a v e s oee Appendix A ror a tew „ L „. . L . j must knows to get you started.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different folk Funny Files

In TV or the movies, the camera defines the focus for the audience. With a group of living, breathing people in the room, the writer's challenge becomes focusing the audience's attention. The best ways to do this is through dialogue and action. Isolate the dramatic moments so the audience's focus will follow.

Theater is thought-provoking. The thing about writing thought-provoking material is that it automatically comes with a smaller audience because most people don't want to be provoked to think; they usually just want to sit back and laugh. So the more esoteric, the more highbrow you become, the smaller your audience gets. That's what makes theater special—the intimacy. You can't show that to 20 million people on TV, but there are 4,000 people keeping Shakespeare alive. And they're the 4,000 smartest people in the country because no one else cares.

That's the biggest difference between the theater audience and every other audience, so be sure your story is worthy of your theater audience. Funny Files When I get an idea, I don't always know what medium I want to write it in. So I start fleshing out the story and figure out what style is right for the telling of this story. Most of the time, I can tell it in more than one script style. However, if the only way I can properly tell a story is with a live audience and with a small set, I know it's meant to be a play.

Enter Stage Left How do you start your play? Different playwrights start the writing process in different ways. You can start with a character, a situation, a location, or even a line of dialogue. There's no "right" way to start a play. Whatever Funny Files inspires you is what inspires you. The fourth wall is what makes theater, well, theater. It gives the audience a sense of purpose. It makes them participants in the show. If there's danger, they feel danger. If there's loss, they feel loss. The proximity gives the audience a real stake in the events and makes the emotional connection that much richer.

Don't feel that you have to approach playwriting in a certain way or that your script has to be a certain length. Remember the oft-used theater adage, "The play's the thing." Whatever is correct for the piece is what you should be doing. This rule applies to the process and the production. Beyond that, just apply the rules of good storytelling and tailor your story to fit onto a theatrical stage.

Chapter 23: Ensemble Comedy 2 6 1

Throw Grammar Off the Stage One of the biggest problems in theater is writing good dialogue. Because theater is so heavily weighted with dialogue, bad dialogue stands out like a sore thumb. Want to write better dialogue? Here's my suggestion: $&#* grammar. Conversation doesn't happen in complete sentences or always conform to the rules of grammar. Why would you have the characters onstage speak in a way you wouldn't hear in life? In life, we all speak incorrectly, and how I butcher the language is different from how you might butcher the language. Each character should kill the language in his or her own unique way. T h e characters need to sound different from each Bag of Tricks other for the dialogue to be effective. You're writing something that's Learn the structure of how people talk, meant to be said out loud, so and don't just listen to the content of be sure your dialogue sounds their conversations. as well as reads well. All the Great dialogue means the audience understands who the characters are by how they speak. Bad dialogue focuses everything through the prism of the playwright's vocabulary so we don't hear Mary and Tom; we hear the playwright's interpretation of Mary and Tom.

information you need to reveal in the dialogue should come out in a way the audience will understand. Above all else, does the style of dialogue fit the character? If it does, you're halfway there.

Stage Crossings Theater stage directions differ from film stage directions. In theater, stage directions describe important actions and only important actions. They never tell the story and, more important, they never tell the back story, Tell the story through the scenes instead. Don't use a stage direction when you need a full scene. T P ^ J No Laughing Matter _ Save stage directions for changes of scene, entrances and exits, and explanations of any physical action that isn't implied by the dialogue. "Stop or I'll shoot!" implies that the speaker is holding a gun. You don't need a stage direction saying the same thing. However, if he were holding a notebook or if he were pointing the gun at someone other than the person he was speaking to, a stage direction would be appropriate to clarify the words.

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Your style when writing stage directions will define the readability of the script. It's important that you don't just skip over these brief bits of information because they are the pieces the readers will use to visualize the story. If they can't see it when they read it, you'll never get it produced.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folks W h y do playwrights use so few stage directions? Because if you include too much in terms of stage directions, the other people in the process have less room to move. Theater is the most collaborative of all the performing arts. You aren't writing a finished vision; it's a blueprint for a production. Directors, actors, and myriad other theater folk imprint their dynamics onto the script, and that collaboration will become the finished play.

One Act, Two Act, Three Act... Five T h e truly amazing thing about plays is that the structure is wide open. There's everything from 10-minute plays to 5-act behemoths. Figure out what kind of story you're telling, and match it to the kind of space you need to tell it. Here's a curtain call of the most popular forms of plays: • T h e five-act play. This is the classic. Grand in size and sweeping in style, it is the granddad of theatrical structure. It's also simpler in style than people think. T h e first act serves as the setup. An inciting incident occurs, and the main characters are introduced. The tone of the play is also set in the first act. The second act presents the escalation of the conflict, culminating with an event that thrusts the primary character into action. T h e third act is basically the crisis and confrontation, where the hero fends off the perils caused by the play's action. T h e fourth act starts with the protagonist making a choice that will speed him toward resolution, and the climactic moment happens at the end of this act. T h e fifth act explores the aftermath of the story and ties a bow around the play. Funny Files Does the five-act structure feel familiar? It should, because it roughly mirrors the "five points" of screenwriting.

Five-act plays aren't really in vogue at present. However, when they are presented, the intermission usually comes between acts three and four. Be sure that your play stops on a moment dramatic enough to keep the audience eagerly awaiting the play's continuance after the long intermission.

• T h e three-act play. This is basically a truncated version of the five-act play. The first act in this structure is a combination of acts one and two in the five-act structure. Act two of a three-act play is the crisis and confrontation and continues through to the protagonist's active choice. T h e third act covers the climax and aftermath. In this structure, the intermission comes after act two. • T h e two-act play. In this structure, the first act includes the inciting incident, character introductions, escalation of the conflict, an event that thrusts characters

Chapter 23: Ensemble Comedy 2 6 3 into action, and the dramatic confrontation. T h e second act covers the protagonist's active choice, the climax, and the aftermath. In this structure, the intermission comes between the acts.

Funny Files Most musicals use the two-act structure.

• T h e one-act play. This one usually runs in the ballpark of about a half-hour. Most of the elements that occur in the previous play structures occur in this play in the same order, but just a lot closer together. It is extremely important in a oneact play to begin with a strong inciting incident and end with a memorable climax. Most one acts don't have any exploration of the aftermath of the conflict resolution; instead, they end at the climax of the story. In this structure, you have less time to develop characters, explore subtext, and examine the consequences of the events. You just have to establish, explode, and resolve. • T h e 10-minute play. Theater writers much older than I am have told me that the 10-minute play burst onto the scene in 1977 when the Actor's Theatre of Louisville started what eventually became the Humana Festival of New American Plays. I was only 13 at the time and much more interested in trying to gain the attention of 13-year-old girls than in writing plays, so I wouldn't know for sure. I do know that by the time I wrote my first play in 1982, the 10-minute play was already a force in American theater. T h e structure is simply an extremely truncated version of the one-act format. You tell a complete story in around 10 minutes, using a very small number of costumes, sets, and props. This is bare-bones theater, folks. Ten-minute plays, as with all the other plays discussed so far, have at least two characters. • T h e one-person play. This is a whole other ballgame. One-person plays can be monologues, rants, or plays. A play, as we know, is about conflict and story. A monologue is a conversation between the sole person on stage and a defined, although unseen, character. Rants are usually angry dialogues between the performer and the audience, although the performer does all the talking. These pieces can vary in length from a few minutes to several hours. Although only one performer is onstage, the presence of other characters might be implied, and the actor can assume the other characters' personalities and voices. In short, you can write one-person plays for a single character or for multiple characters.

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Every other playwright I have spoken with believes that one major problem inherent in the one-person play structure is the lack of external conflict. Oneperson shows tend to be about personal journeys and not much happens. You can make your show better by keeping it active and loading it with external conflict.

No Laughing Matter _ The jokes have to come organically from the characters. The audience gets to know the characters, and if the comedy doesn't fit both the character and the story, the audience will refuse to laugh, no matter how good the jokes might be.

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Conflict isn't always the central force in a oneperson play. Often, short, single-performer shows are effective just by focusing on characterization. You need to show a keen insight into your character's mind if you go this route. The audience needs to feel an uncanny connection to the character(s). T h e deeper the writer's insight, the deeper the connection with the audience will be. Here's the biggest problem and the reason why most one-person plays fall short: W h o is the person on stage speaking to? You can't just ignore this question. The audience needs to know there is a reason for the character on stage to be speaking and that he isn't just a loon screaming at the walls. The longer the play is, the more defined that detail needs to be. Your character doesn't need to walk out and say "Hi Bob," but through the course of the play, your audience needs to understand why your character is speaking to the person who he is speaking to—even if that person is himself.

Formatting Your Stage Play Now we get kind of funky. Theater scripts have a wide variety of formats. Different places want your submission to look different ways, so give the people what they want. In every format you will include a cover page, a Dramatis Personae page, and the text pages. Here's the format I use, but if you have formatting software or a different format style, that will probably be okay as well. • Use 8.5x11-inch white paper, and print or type on one side only, using 12-point Courier typeface. • Use 1-inch margins all around the page. • After the first cover page is the title page. About halfway down the title page, put the play name, in caps, about three inches from the left margin. Drop down two lines and type (A Play in three inches from the left margin.

Acts), in parentheses, about

Chapter 2 } : Ensemble Comedy 2 6 5 • Drop down two lines and type Written by about three inches from the left margin. • Drop down two lines and put your name about three inches from the left margin. • About 10 lines from the bottom of the page, left-align your contact info as you would an address label. (Be sure to include your e-mail address and phone number.) • Across from that, put your representative's contact info (if you have one) as you would set an address label. • After the title page follows the Dramatis Personae page. It is not numbered. • Use 1-inch margins on the top, bottom, and right sides. Use a 1.5-inch margin on the left side. • Center and underline Cast of Characters on the top of the page. • Drop two lines and enter the characters. Put each name flush against the left margin, underlined, and followed by a colon. Tab twice (1 inch), and put a brief physical description of the character. Drop two lines and continue for each character as necessary. • After the character list, drop down four lines and create a scene header. Center and underline the word Scene. • Drop down two lines and put the setting, or where the play takes place. If you're writing a multi-act play, break the acts into separate paragraphs. • After the scene list, drop down two lines and create a time header. Center and underline the word Time. • Drop down two lines and write the time when your play takes place. • If there is no room for a description of the scene and/or time on the Dramatis Personae page, put this information on a separate page after the Dramatis Personae page. • On the following text pages, use 1-inch margins on the top, bottom, and right sides. Use a 1.5-inch margin on the left side. • Put page numbers in the upper-right corner of the page. Use Arabic numerals (1, 2, 3, etc.) for a one-act play. If the play has more than one act, put the act number in Roman numerals, followed by a hyphen, then the Arabic page number, as in 1-9 or IV-118. If you break your play into separate scenes within the acts, use an Arabic scene number between the Roman numeral act number and Arabic page number, as in II-7-37 for act 2, scene 7, page 37.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folks • Set the page numbers sequentially all the way through your script. Don't start with 1 for each new act. • Start each new act and scene on a new page. Indent 2.5 inches from the left margin, and type the act designation, underlined and in caps. Drop down two lines after the act designation and type the scene header. Indent 2.5 inches from the left margin, and type the scene designation, underlined and in sentence case. • Drop down two lines and type the setting description. Left-justify SETTING: and tab until you are 2.5 inches from the left margin; then, in sentence case, describe the physical layout of the stage. If the description goes beyond one line, keep each subsequent line justified with the starting point of the description (2.5 inches from the left margin). • Drop down two lines to describe what is happening at the start of the play. Leftjustify AT RISE: and tab until you are 2.5 inches from the left margin; then, in sentence case, describe who is on the stage at the start of the act and what they are doing. If this goes beyond one line, keep each subsequent line justified with the starting point of the descriptions of the action. • Set both S E T T I N G and AT RISE headings at the top of each act. • Indent character names for dialogue headers 2.5 inches from the left margin. • Dialogue is single-spaced, in sentence case, and is the only element of a play that runs across the page from the left margin to the right margin. •

Set all stage directions in parentheses, 1.25 inches from the left margin. The text block should only be about 2.5 inches wide, before you wrap it to the next line.

• Always capitalize character names in stage directions. • You can place short stage directions within a character's dialogue. It took me forever to measure everything and type it in here, so please use it. Better still, get thee a screenwriting program.

Funny for Two Team comedy has begun a slow and painful death. Once there were herds of comics, traveling in pairs, running amuck on the great plains. Now, it's every comic on his own in the wilds of the jungles we call comedy clubs.

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y Comedy Pros

Jason Steinberg has been in the comedy business for 15 years. He shares his opinon about why there aren't a lot of new comedy duos: It's hard enough to be a comic; with two people involved, there are egos and jealousy that will get in the way. It's like marriages; so many of them break up before they really get a chance to start. Plus, there aren't that many teams to begin with, and I'm not too sure that comedy clubs support teams. Some clubs don't even have two microphones. It's a pity because I've seen some potentially great teams just fade away.

There are still some comedy groups, but for the most part, comedy teams have died out. However, like all things comedy, this might just be a cyclical thing, so let's break down how to write for these pairs of jesters so we can stay ahead of the curve in case they come back in style.

Stories, Sketches, and Feuds There are several classic prototypes for the comedy team. T h e three most popular are: • Storytellers. These folks weave fantastic yarns, usually with one person telling the story to the other, or occasionally, one person telling the story to the audience with the other interrupting. This style of comedy needs clearly defined characters and quick timing to work. T h e Peter Cook-Dudley Moore collaboration, Derrick and Clive, is a good example of storytelling. • Sketch teams. These duos operate along the same lines as the sketch formula I laid out earlier in the chapter. However, there needs to be an extended explanation, or scene set, between the team and the audience. Mike Nichols and Elaine May mastered this type of sketch. • Rivals. Rivals are perhaps the most classic style of comedy team. One character poses a problem, and the other tries to solve it. T h e bits are almost always directed at each other, with an occasional nod to the audience. Abbott and Costello are the classic example.

The Straight Man Contrary to popular belief, the "fanny one" isn't always the most talented member of a comedy team. In fact, the straight man usually defines the comedy.

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In vaudeville, the straight man was thought of so highly that he was often paid more than his clowning counterpart.

T h e straight man is the comedic persona in charge of getting out all the information and keeping the rhythm of the piece going. Without a straight man, the so-called funny ones usually wind up being a buffoon, wandering aimlessly from bit to bit. If you want to keep a good flow when you're writing team comedy, concentrate on making the straight man's lines work.

Pace Pacing is essential for teams. The duo has to have a dynamic that lets them have enough room to interject themselves into each other's delivery, yet be tight enough to overrun any audience member who wants to heckle. If they don't have a solid pace, the audience will lose interest or, worse yet, start to think they can participate in the process. Unfortunately, you can't define the pace until you know the players. Take time and learn the cadences of both team members before you start writing bits for them. Team comedy bridges both sketch and stand-up comedy writing. Become skilled at both of those styles before you try your hand at this one.

The Least You Need to Know • Dialogue carries the bulk of the comedy in a sketch. • T h e "five points" of screenwriting are introduction, plot point 1, midpoint, plot point 2, and the climax. • T h e "fourth wall" gives the audience a voyeuristic sense of participation and is what makes theater different from other script types. • In comedy duos, the straight man carries the flow of the comedy.

Solo Comedy Professionals In This Chapter • Getting specific with stand-up comedy •

Supplying DJ comedy needs

•

Staying topical for television

• Writing for odd acts They are the matadors of the comedy industry, the brave souls who, armed with just a microphone, dare to challenge the audience. Face to face, one on one, it's a battle of will that won't end until the audience is subdued with their own laughter. Actually it's just a bunch of people telling jokes. And somebody has to write those jokes, so it might as well be you.

"Hey, It's Great to Be Here Tonight..." Dating is difficult now, but it wasn H always. Back in the Middle Ages, if you saw a girl you liked, you just gave her father an ox and she was yours. Talk about a tough job! Stand-up comedy is the only art form that exists to sell booze. Sure, there's comedy in beer advertising, but that's not considered

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Part J: Different Jokes for Different Folks art. Stand-up is a bona fide art form. (Some would argue that it's one of only two art forms that developed in the United States, the other being jazz.) Unfortunately, in comedy clubs around the world, comedy exists to sell drinks.

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Comedy Pros

Cory Kahaney, a finalist on NBC's Last Comic Standing, describes how the audience's drinking habits affect her writing process: The comedy club audience can't get the subtle points of comedy because the club environment makes it more like a bar than a performance place. When you're writing, sometimes you have to honestly weigh the possibility of the crowd getting a particular reference after they have a couple drinks in them. When you know you have to play those audiences, it's hard to ignore. You have to write for the audiences you get.

Face it: There's no two-drink minimum at art galleries, and it's rare that the majority of the crowd will be liquored up by the end of an evening at the ballet. Stand-up has to make you laugh when you're at your least coherent. Aren't you glad you chose this discipline?

Priority Number One They made you play sports in high school. Made you. There should be a conscientious objector status for people who donh wanna play dodgeball. "Sorry, my religion forbids me from hurling spheroids upon my brothers'1 heads." Stand-up is a performer's medium. Good material is a must, but a great performance is what brings the best comics to the forefront. Studying the comic immortals, we often find that those at the top of the game—Richard Pryor, George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, Bill Cosby, Sam Kinison, Rodney Dangerfield, etc.— Funny Files have been great performers as well as great writers. An undeniable spark of comedic brilliance in each of For a good example of how conthem makes audiences sit up and take notice. They nected writing and performing each have strong, honest personas that are both are, just take a moment and study comics such as Richard Pryor, dynamic and consistent. They all infuse their sets Freddie Prinze, Paula Poundstone, with emotion, energy, and rhythms that take the Bob Newhart, and Bob Hope. audience by storm. They have taken their material, Each matched his or her style to which was at times ordinary, and adding their own the material. style, made it extraordinary.

Chapter ZV. Solo Comedy Professionals 2 7 1 These comics realized that the old adage, passed down since the days of vaudeville, was true: The audience pays to see a show. A show implies a performance. If you're going to give them a performance, give them a great one. Write the material to emphasize the performance. From the moment you first walk onstage, your goal is set—you must perform. Performing does not mean being a ball of energy. Nor does it mean an extreme character choice is needed. Simply stated, performing is properly accentuating your material and being with your audience. Take the time to be sure your material focuses your audience's attention on your performance.

Before You Step Onstage I've got both the receding hairline and the growing bald spot. So the top of my head looks like a topographical photo of two deserts about to collide. Great comics aren't born; they're written. Before you walk onstage for the first time, before you get a single laugh, and long before you ever perform even the simplest routine, you have to write. More specifically, you have to write jokes. If an act has structure, writing is the foundation, the rock-solid base on which you build all other aspects of your performance. It's true that a great performer can get solid laughs with even the most basic material, but he still needs at least that basic core group of topics to work from.

i ^ L _ _ J / Comedy Pros ^ ^"Y

Eddie Brill is an accomplished stand-up and also picks the comics for Lote Night with David Lettermon. Here he lets us in on his writing process: Sometimes I'll start writing an idea and then bring it to the stage while I'm still developing it. By fleshing it out in front of an audience, I'm able to weed out things that don't fit my style right away. It also helps because I find that I get to the essence of what's funny about the piece sooner when I write this way.

Stand-up comedy is a performer's medium, and good writing makes performing easier. Writing is also the easier of the two skills to learn, so master it.

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Writinq for Performing If life were fair, chess tournaments would have cheerleaders. Stand-up comedy has two main components: writing and performing. You have to write the material the way it should be performed. Keeping the two parts linked keeps your writing and, subsequently, your performance rhythmic. It allows you to see on paper what you will perform for your audience.

Bag of Tricks When you write a piece of stand-up, read it out loud and read it fast. Did your tongue twist over any words? Was anything hard to pronounce? Comics have to annunciate, project, and speak at a decent verbal pace. If you have trouble saying it out loud in your office, it'll be a nightmare for you or the comic you're writing for to say in a nightclub.

This makes it easier for you to control on paper what your audience will react to when you do a show live. You can place the pauses where they're most effective and tailor every sentence so the reaction can be immediate and primal. In short, by writing the joke the way you intend to perform it, you can eliminate the audience's need to think. You can ensure that every laugh is a basic, emotional reaction and not a reasoned response. T h e downside to this is that you have to write "for the stage." Write 'em like you say 'em. Let's face it, as funny as a Dave Barry column might be, it makes for lousy stand-up. It's written to be read. Stand-up is written to be said. Written comedy relies on visuals; stand-ups rely on rhythms. T h e material has to sound pleasing to the ear as well as be funny.

Exercise: Writinq for the Staqe Some things are better learned by seeing them than by reading about them. Here's an exercise designed to make you take the written word and match it to the stage. Break out a C D of your favorite comic and find what you think is the best bit. Transcribe that bit verbatim. Put in every pause and nuance. Make notes on the comic's inflection or, if you're transcribing a DVD, note his or her physical actions or facial expressions. You're drawing a map that will let you see what is performed when you read it. If you're a stand-up yourself, this is a great exercise for you to do periodically with your own act.

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Writing for Your Comic Persona Back in the days when cavemen roamed the earth, do you think parents turned to their children and said (loud and nagging), "Stop writing on the walls! People will think weVe barbarians!'1'' One of the first things you have to do when writing stand-up is to figure out your comic persona (or, if you're writing for someone else, his persona). How the jokes are presented defines how you will be perceived. T h e battle between audience perception and your intent is won or lost in your notebooks or on your computer screen. What you say and how you say it will be born, nurtured, and matured by your pen long before an audience has access to you. Writing material for another comic is easy because you have a fully defined comedic persona already established. Writing for yourself, as a newer comic, is much harder. After all, it's not as if you can first define your comedic persona, then write it. More likely, your material will eventually define you. Know what vibe you put out there, then match that vibe to your POV, and generate material that is unique to only you.

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No Laughing Matter

Comic personas are a delicate thing. Think of how offputting it would be if Howie Mandell started cursing or if Chris Rock started extolling the virtues of suburban life. A single word or premise can violate the comic persona, so you have to be sure your writing is an exact fit for the comic persona you are writing for.

Is It a Script? Or Is It Stand-Up? Stand-up is essentially a script that will eventually be performed. It's an ever-evolving script, but a script nonetheless. When an actor reads a script, she breaks it down. She figures out what emotions are behind what lines. She knows what subtext her character is presenting. She knows the physical movements of her character. As a writer, you can reverse this script breakdown process to build better jokes. There is no definitive structure for writing stand-up. I've seen everything from a printout of computer-generated bullet points to jokes scribbled on the back of a napkin. By presenting your material to a potential buyer (or yourself) as a script, you eliminate all ambiguity from your submission and clarify the messages you want to present to the audience. It helps you clarify the presentation of the material, which will boost the audience's laughter.

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HeyMr.DJ! Writing for DJs closely mirrors writing for stand-ups. You have to master a well-defined character. You have to match a P O V to every joke. Ultimately, you even have to structure the jokes in the same concise style most stand-ups use. You need to keep in mind two differences, though, as you write for your favorite radio personality: Bag of Tricks If a joke you write for a DJ relies on a special inflection, mispronunciation, or emphasis, you must indicate that in some way on the submission. For emphasis, I underline the thing to be stressed. For inflections and mispronunciations, I use a parenthetical to phonetically write the word the way I want it pronounced.

T h e jokes have to use words that paint pictures. With only a voice coming out of a little box with no visuals to back that voice up, your words need to provide visuals to capture your audience's imagination. You also need to look at standards and practices. If you write material for a shock jock, anything goes. If you write jokes for a Bible-belt country music station, you have to reign it in. Understand your market, and send them appropriate material.

Hereeeeee's Johnny! How similar is writing jokes for a talk T V host to writing jokes for a stand-up? Think about this: What do Johnny Carson, Jay Leno, David Letterman, Arsenio Hall, Rosie O'Donnell, Ellen Degeneris, Dennis Miller, Bill Maher, John Stewart, Colin Quinn, and Chris Rock have in common? Besides being hosts of their own T V shows now or in the past, they are all accomplished stand-ups.

Bag of Tricks Want to submit a top 1 0 list to Letterman or a desk piece to Leno? Don't waste your time. Most TV talk shows will take fax submissions from outside writers but only for monologue jokes. Staff writers write all other jokes.

T h e rules for writing jokes for talk show hosts aren't similar to writing for a stand-up—they're exactly the same. T h e only difference, which is minor really, comes when you take the audience demographics and show times into consideration. What Letterman can do at 11:30 P.M. differs from what Ellen can talk about at 11 A.M. Understand the difference in topics you can talk about, and pick appropriate material. There's no standard format for the layout when submitting jokes to shows, but it is television, so make it look as good as you can.

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Specialty Acts A bunch of entertainment people use jokes in their acts but aren't comics per se. Think variety acts such as jugglers, magicians, ventriloquists, cabaret singers, and impersonators (some people say impressionists, but to me Degas and Monet were Impressionists and Rich Little is an impersonator). Many comedy purists look down on these performers, but they have a long comic tradition dating back to vaudeville and burlesque, so I think they are just as valid as artists. T h e disdain comes from the fact that, as a rule, these performers highlight the noncomic portion of their talents but are often sold to the same markets as stand-up comics.

Focusing on the Gimmick T h e big difference between comics and novelty acts—other than the fact that, as a comic, I've never had to lug a steamer trunk out to work—is the way comedy is used. A comic uses comedy to define his comedic persona, in essence, writing the jokes to help the audience better understand him. T h e novelty act uses humor to keep the focus on the skill that is the thrust of the show. So when you're writing for a novelty act, any novelty act, your task becomes that of connecting the comedy to the skill. It's not about the magician not being able to get a date; it's about how this particular trick prevented him from getting a date. When in Funny Files doubt, keep the focus on the gimmick. One possible exception to this is the ventriloquist. Many vents (that's the hip way of saying ventriloquist) do call attention to their wooden friends in a way that treats them like a prop. But some vents (I am so hip) treat the puppet as deadly real and form more of a team dynamic, with the human being the straight man and the dummy being the top banana. (I couldn't let the entire book go by without using the phrase top banana)

The top banana is a burlesque reference used to describe the more popular member of a comedy team or group. The second banana was the sideman or a supporting player in a sketch. You might not know that there is a third banana. The third banana is the guy who would do the pratfalls or take a pie in the face.

Usinq Jokes to Set Up the Craft In addition to keeping the focus on the gimmick, use jokes to set up the craft. One of the wonderful advantages of this type of writing is that you have a giant subject everyone is focused on. When the juggler throws three knives in the air, every audience

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Bag of Tricks When writing for specialty acts, remember to keep the comedy basic. I'm not talking simple; I'm talking rudimentary. The comedy can never overshadow the skill. It's only an accent at best.

member focuses on the knives. T h e craft takes center stage and becomes the primary subject for discussion. Whenever I've been hard-pressed to keep the focus on the gimmick, just doing jokes about the craft can lead to a sale. And one last thought: This type of writing has no format guideline, so keeping it easy to read and professional is the order of the day.

The Least You Need to Know • Stand-up comedy writing and performing are linked. • Write stand-up as you would a script, complete with all the proper pauses and inflections. • When you write for a DJ, paint pretty pictures with your words to capture the audience's imagination. • Gearing a joke toward your favorite T V host is a combination of learning the host's personality and writing about topics appropriate for the show's audience and time slot. • When writing for most novelty acts, keep the focus on the gimmick.

Adding a Dash of Funny In This Chapter • Penning speeches that don't suck • Roasting your neighbor • Writing corporate comedy If you're still reading this book, you're probably thinking I've covered it all. I've touched on everything from individual jokes to comedy novels. What the heck could possibly be left? T h e final area I need to cover is putting bits of comedy into things not traditionally considered comedic areas. T h e final lesson in this book covers speeches, toasts, roasts, and corporate comedy. Remember, if the economic forecasts are down for your company, a little comedy on the pink slip will keep people laughing all the way to the unemployment office. Well okay, maybe not.

Speech!Speech! Public speaking is one of many people's biggest fears. Many of us feel that we'll get up on that podium, open our mouths, and show the world how

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different Folks ignorant we are. For those inflicted with this fear, the terror can start even when just writing the speech.

Funny Files Don't think a speech can be funny from top to bottom? Check out Bob Uecker's speech from his Baseball Hall of Fame induction at www.baseballhalloffame.org/ hof_weekend/2003/speeches/ uecker.htm. It's funny from the first word to the last.

As a speech writer, you have to do so much more than create jokes. You need to consider the occasion at which the speech will be presented, the audience who will be listening to the speech, and the goal of the speech. At the same time, the speech has to define the personality of the speaker and establish a feeling of expertise. After all, the audience needs to understand why it should listen to you talk. Oh, and am I being repetitive by saying that the speech should be funny? Repetitive or not, it should be. It also usually has to fit into a specific amount of time. Piece of cake, huh?

Before You Start Writing You need to have everything set up before you start writing so you can be sure you hit every point. If you just start writing your speech before you outline it, you'll leave out at least one of the items you wanted to discuss in your speech. Knowing the occasion at which the speech will take place will help you define the content of the speech and also help you figure out an appropriate length. Knowing the nature of the event will also help you, the comedy writer, pick the amount and type of comedy No Laughing Matter you're going to use. N o matter what the occasion, When you're writing a your comedy and the speech must always be a perfect speech, keep the important "serifit for your audience. ous" points separate from the comedy points-. If the comedy is successful your audience might be laughing too hard to catch the serious points you need them to get, so space it out.

Every speech needs to be about something. Knowing what end you want the speech to reach guarantees that your speech will be effective. Funny is up to the listener; the focus and force of the speech is totally up to you.

"Hello, I'd Like to Begin by Thanking You All for Coming Today..." As with every other type of writing I've covered so far, speech writing needs a structure. In this case, it's a fairly simple structure: a beginning, middle, and end.

Chapter 25: Adding a Dash of Funny 2 7 9 • T h e beginning. T h e opening of your speech is extremely important. In this period of time, you must set the tone, establish your credentials, grab your audience's attention, and make them want to listen. If you're writing a speech for someone else, you also have to pay attention to his or her vocabulary and personality. Your audience wants to get to know the speaker, not the speechwriter. • T h e middle. Once you have the attention of the audience, the speech can start segueing into the facts and figures. But be sure you've earned that transition by supplying a dynamic opening. T h e facts and figures part of the speech will always be the longest part of your speech. After all, it's the reason the speaker has been invited to speak in the first place. You do want to keep the speech jaunty, but don't let comedy get in the way of content. Raise quality points in the context of your speech. Make the points clear, and don't let comedy mock those points. Organize the points in such a way that one point follows another in a logical way. If possible, as you gain momentum, build the points to a logical, inevitable conclusion the audience can eagerly anticipate. Don't do too much in a speech. A few key points are so much more effective than countless points. T h e audience needs to feel it understands and appreciates the subject of the speech. Weighing them down with more data than they need is just asking for trouble. • T h e end. Make the closing of your speech strong and memorable. Summarize the key points made and speak about the ramifications, goals, or progress inherent in the subject matter. Here is also a great place to put a lot of comedy, as it signals that the information is ending and now it's back to the festivities.

No Laughing Matter * A speech has a purpose; don't let the comedy be a distraction.

Bag of Tricks Whenever I've written speeches, I not only give the speaker a copy of the full text but also a copy of the bullet points, so he can bring them to the podium. Most quality speakers don't use bullet points, but it's always good to have the safety net available.

,

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Part J : Different Jokes for Different Folks Bag of Tricks Speeches are obviously meant to be spoken and spoken by a specific person. If possible, have the speaker read the script to you so you can work out any rough spots and tongue twisters. If it's not possible to have the actual speaker read the speech to you, tape-record yourself reading it at various points during the development. Hearing it will help you fix any specific problems he or she might have, but listening to yourself read it can alert you to tongue twisters and clarity issues long before you hand in those pages.

I'll wrap it up with a note on formatting: Double-space the speech with extremely wide margins, say about an inch and a half all around. You want the speaker to have enough room to make any necessary notes on the speech. Are there any questions or comments? If not, thank you for coming and have a nice day.

From the Dais With all due respect to Dean Martin, who popularized the form in the 1970s, the roast first rose to prominence at the Friar's Club. Comedians would gather at this entertainment landmark and send up each other as a form of entertainment and honor. Decades later, the roast is still immortalized with Comedy Central specials and as a favorite way of sending beloved company men and women happily off into retirement.

Roast Rules The rules for professionals and amateurs are the same: • Lampoon the man or woman of the hour as well as all the dais members. • Pull no punches.

Funny Files Probably the most experienced roast writer is Jeffrey Gurian, who wrote for all the Friar's Club roasts between 1978 and 1990. Find out more about him at www.jeffreygurian.com.

The comedy is definitely ribald, and the pace is swift, so hold on to your hat and let's learn the fundamentals of sending up a beloved comrade. Writing for a roast requires a good deal of research. You have to know how the subjects are perceived among their friends and co-workers. The jokes are fairly basic, so it's important that you get to your target's easily identifiable traits. When in doubt, cheap, bald, dumb, and bad golfer seem to be the go-to subjects on the amateur level.

Chapter 25: Adding a Dash of Funny 2 8 1 On the professional level, though, it gets much more personal. You could make fun of Julia Roberts's marital habits at a celebrity roast, but the same type of joke would be considered mean among co-workers. Emulate the style of the celebrity roasts, not the subject matter.

Research Tips Where can you find dirt when you're writing a company roast? Try these ideas: • Company archives • Co-worker and former co-worker interviews • Company newsletters • Annual reports • Company documents, including photos, slides, films, and videos • Personal interviews with family and friends of the honoree • Groups, associations, and charities the person is involved with •

School and personnel records

• Any film, video, or print the roastee has participated in Don't forget to include positive moments. Weave in any career milestones, outstanding achievements, noteworthy extracurricular activities, or positive images from the subject's private life. Funny Files And of course most corporations and events Any good comedy writer can hire a limited number of writers for the make a slam funny, but it takes an roast, give those writers a small budget, and exceptional comic to write funny expect the writers to produce material for stuff that shows the subject in a everyone on the dais—and sometimes even positive light. It even raises the for the guest of honor. T h e writer might stock of the writer. After hearing even be expected to direct the speakers or 30 bald jokes in under an hour, put together a humorous A/V package for the guy who is able to write a funny line about receiving a medal the evening. Writing roasts is a specialty a in the Army really stands out. decreasing number of comedy writers bother to learn.

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Part S: Different Jokes for Different folks

Cheers! A toast is one of those little things we sometimes take for granted. Lifting a glass and wishing someone well seems a simple enough task, but there are times when you need to put a little extra thought into a toast. There are some things "Bottoms up!" just won't cover. If you're delivering the toast in front of people who don't know you very well, start by introducing yourself. A joke with you as the punch line is a good way to break the ice and also to establish that you're going to be funny in this toast. Don't give any facts or history, Instead, keep the focus on who or what you're toasting, and keep that subject in a positive light. This is a toast, not a roast. Slamming your subject could possibly earn you a beating in the alley after the event. Go for a good middle ground. Bag of Tricks Tell a funny story that shows the subject in a good A great toast has a good openlight. If the story isn't 100 percent truthful, don't ing and a good closing. It's like worry. It's a toast, so embellish away. a little speech, only without that pesky facts-and-figures part. In fact, never include any information in a toast, just sentiment and emotion.

In closing, say something that indicates it's time for everyone to raise his or her glass. Perhaps go for a serious, heartfelt toast or blessing or maybe even the aforementioned "Bottoms up."

Corporate Comedy Writing Writing for a corporation is like walking a tightrope. As a writer, you have to attach humor to a corporate image. Writing for this market takes a good business head plus the ability to know where the line of good comedy ends and the line of good corporate writing begins.

No Laughing Matter In the corporate world, time is money. When you're writing anything for this market, stay on topic. You have to. Don't digress one inch to get in a joke. Keep the focus on the presentation, and keep moving the agreed-upon point forward. With most writing you can fit in an off-topic joke here or there. In the world of corporate comedy writing, however, you absolutely cannot.

Chapter 25: Adding a Dash of Funny 2 8 3

Clarity Is Everything All corporate writing serves one purpose—to inform. It doesn't matter if you're writing a training manual or an interoffice memo, the reader needs to understand the writing immediately. Now is not the time for $10 words or fancy sentence structure. Get to the facts, present your point, make your argument, and get the heck out of there before somebody gets hurt. In this type of writing, comedy is a tool that needs to be used wisely. Most corporate presentations and documents are humorless; however, when they do use humor, it tends to be for specific reasons. They use it to disarm an argument or highlight a point. Whatever the use, it exists for a reason beyond being funny.

No Laughing Matter Corporate writing is a buyer's market. Constantly invite feedback from the buyers. Give them exactly what they want, exactly how they want it. Put your ego aside for this one.

A Word of Warning As with any product in this day and age, comedy should come with an instruction label and warnings. For corporate comedy writing, the instructions would be as follows: Use comedy in extremely low doses to strengthen the presentation. Always check with your employer before using. Repeat as necessary. T h e warning might read something like this: WARNING: Comedy is extremely volatile and may not mix well with co-workers or your employer. If you think someone could be offended by the comedy, somebody will be offended by the comedy. All jokes should be appropriate for a mixed audience of any age and should be free of any sexually explicit, sexist, ethnically based, raciest, or controversial content. Always check with a superior before using.

Final Thoughts Comedy writing is a difficult art form, no matter what type of comedy you choose to write. Between mastering the Universal Joke Formula, keeping the comedy emotional, and getting the rules of the genre straight, it's often more effort than one might expect.

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Part 5: Different Jokes for Different folks

m^kK. ^ * (

/

Comedy Pros

I asked everyone I interviewed the same question: What advice would you give to new comedy writers? They pretty much all said the same thing, but I liked the way comedian Eddie Brill put it best: Just keep writing. Take chances with the writing. Yes it's hard, and sometimes it feels lousy when it's not going well; but eventually you'll get it right, and you know that particular joke is gonna work. Then you'll put it out there, people will laugh, and all that hard work will be worth it. Just keep doing it. You will get better.

But as I think about my comedy writing experiences I keep coming back to one thing: I get paid to make people laugh. I can't think of a better job than that.

The Least You Need to Know • Humor is a good icebreaker in a speech. • Speeches must stay focused on a subject. • Writing a roast takes a lot of research. • Mix positive moments in with the barbs during a roast. • A toast is like a speech, only the sentiment in a toast replaces the information in a speech. • Corporate writing is a matter of balancing comedy and the corporate image. • Repetition is annoying.

Appendix

Glossary ad lib

A line an actor says that's not in the script.

adaptation Putting an existing idea into another form, for example, putting a novel into screenplay format. advance agon

Payment to an author against future earnings of the book.

A fancy way of saying "conflict."

all rights anymore. allegory

Everything, forever. If you sell all rights, it doesn't belong to you A simple story used to express a universal truth.

anachronism Historical mistakes, usually unnoticed by a casual reader, such as someone looking at his wristwatch in a time before wristwatches were invented. ancillary rights A percentage of monies derived from a feature film's soundtrack, posters, T-shirts, etc. Retain these rights. antagonist

The bad guy.

anthology

A collection of writings.

anthropomorphism Think Scooby Doo. anticlimax antihero

Giving human characteristics to nonhuman things.

A disappointing ending. A protagonist who doesn't behave as a "normal" hero.

apostrophe No, not the grammatical mark; I'm talking about making a speech to someone who isn't there.

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Appendix A associate editor In the magazine world, this is often the person who chooses what stories will be assigned and to whom. In short, this is a good person to know. avant garde

Experimental film. Not usually used as a compliment.

back matter All the stuff that appears in a book after the conclusion of the text. The glossary you're reading now is part of the back matter, as are the other appendixes and the index. backend Money from ticket sales, video rentals, DVD sales, and ancillary markets the industry likes to give you to lower the initial price for your script. Don't fall for this. belles lettres

Fine literary writing that's usually written for entertainment.

bildungsroman I swear I'm not making up this word. I was 14 when I first heard it, and because it has dung in it, I damn near fell out of my seat. It's German and a long-winded way of saying "coming-of-age novel." billing Where and how your name appears onscreen and in any advertising. (I admit it. This is the real reason we all do it.) blockbuster No, not the video store, but a feature film that has huge ticket sales. (Wouldn't we all love one of these?) blurb A promotional passage printed on a book to boost credibility or sales. It's usually something that a critic, scholar, or celeb had to say about the book. (There's a blurb by Colin Quinn in the top right corner of this book's front cover.) box office brads

Brass fasteners used to hold together pages of a screenplay.

budget byline

Ticket sales.

The financial breakdown of every cost involved with the making of a film. Credit for your work, usually associated with periodicals.

camera-ready Historically, this applies to the final typeset work, when it is ready to be photographed to produce the plates used in the offset process. Increasingly, it applies to artwork for cartoon or picture books, which has to be submitted in "camera-ready" quality. character arc

The story of the protagonist, from FADE IN to FADE OUT.

cliche An overused phrase. Any good writer worth his salt should put his nose to the grindstone and work like a dog from dusk until dawn to ensure his writing is cliche free. clips

Samples of your previously published works, usually a magazine or newspaper article.

colophon

The publisher's logo. This is my publisher's colophon:

compensation

/ \

Your payment. (Okay, maybe this is why we do this.)

contingent compensation A production bonus, net profits, reserved rights, and/or additional payment in the event of a negotiated clause in the contract being met— anything from getting the rewrite in early to a sequel being made. copy

The words in a book or magazine.

copyright (©) Government acknowledgment of your tangible intellectual property. This is what you ultimately sell to film companies.

Glossary 2 8 7 cross-genre

The combination of two genres, for example, horror-comedy.

cue

A prearranged signal for an actor or technician to do or say something.

cut

To delete a portion of the script or to stop the performance or segment.

denouement Scenes in a film in which the story is finished and the character's life after the climax is shown. deferred compensation word net—run. w

Monies to be paid from net profits. Whenever you hear the

A too-convenient resolution to a plot problem.

development The changing process your script will go through as it moves from your vision to the vision of the production entity that makes your film. dialogue

What the characters or actors say during a performance.

dingbat in text.

A special symbol that is not a letter, number, or punctuation symbol, but appears

director script.

The chief creative force behind a movie. He imprints an artistic vision on the

electronic rights

The right to use the piece online, on a CD or DVD, or even as an e-book.

epic A huge film, usually covering generations of time, that needs an immense production to be realized. (I have yet to see an epic comedy.) epistolary A novel made to look like a collection of letters. I was 14 when I first heard this word, so you can imagine what sound from this word made me giggle. epithet A phrase used in addition to, or in place of, a name for a person or thing. If you're a fan of wrestling, you know that "Stone Cold" is an epithet for Steve Austin. erotica

Sexually oriented fiction. If you can write comedic erotica, I tip my hat to you.

exposition Background character or story information that cannot be given through action. Try like hell to avoid this. FADE IN

The first words of every screenplay.

FADE O U T feature

The last words of every screenplay.

A film at least one hour long.

first draft A first complete draft of any script. For business purposes, it's the script the studio executive reads and gives you notes on, regardless of how many revisions you may have already done. first serial rights Rights that allow a publisher to be the first to publish the piece. Then the rights go back to you. flashbacks

A scene that shows events that happened at some point in the past.

freelancer

Anybody who sells work to a publisher but is not employed by the publisher.

front matter All the pages of a book that come before the story or text. In this book, the front matter is everything before page 1 of Chapter 1.

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Appendix A galleys

See proofs.

G-COP (gross cost of production) A profit-sharing system that has gained in popularity and is used instead of points. It is a percentage of the gross cost of producing the film, minus the advertising budget. inciting scene

A scene that serves as a catalyst for the conflict of the story.

indie (independent film) A film produced by someone outside a major movie studio. kill-fee A prearranged amount of money a magazine publisher promises to pay if an article can't be used by the magazine. literary fiction Intelligent, cutting-edge, fiction. majors The major Hollywood studios—Disney, MGM/UA, Paramount Pictures, Sony Pictures, 20th Century Fox, Universal, and Warner Bros. manuscript

What you hand a publisher. Often abbreviated ms.

mass-market paperback

A soft-cover book that usually sells for a low price.

masthead The list of writers, editors, marketing, etc. folks who work on a magazine or book. The masthead is usually found near the front of the book or magazine. In this book, it's at the bottom of the copyright page (page ii). memoir

A life story.

minimum basic agreement The Writers Guild of America's fees and basic working conditions for the employment of writers. montage

A series of shots with bits of dialogue.

narrative

The actions and descriptions within a script.

on the nose

Dialogue that is too direct and unbelievable.

one-time rights Rights to publish a piece one time, regardless of where else the piece will be. (This lets you sell to multiple publications at the same time.) personification

Giving human qualities to things or ideas.

plagiarism Representing another writer's work as your own. (This can get you sued, ostracized from the industry, and beat up by an angry writer.) points

A financial interest in the profit of a film.

polish

A small rewrite.

premise proofs

The story idea. An early version of the work used to check for typos.

protagonist pullout pulps

The good guy.

A quote from a story set in large type to attract the reader's attention. Black-and-white magazines on regular paper stock.

Glossary 2 8 9 reprint rights

The right to publish a work after it's already appeared in print before.

residual Money you receive from the airing of your work on television each time your work airs. This money is above and beyond your original payment. rewrite Major changes in the plot, story line, and characters of a script. If your script needs a rewrite, chances are you won't be hired to do it. royalties

Payment for a book.

series of shots setup

A montage that has absolutely no dialogue.

Details that will be used later in the story.

shooting script A final draft of the working screenplay that includes scene numbers, camera angles, inserts, and all the other bells and whistles a director would normally add. slicks

Magazines printed on glossy paper usually with color images.

slug line A line at the start of each scene. It starts with a general lighting cue (INT. for interior light, EXT. for exterior light), is followed by a specific location, and has the time the scene is taking place. slush pile

The graveyard of unwanted or misdirected manuscripts and letters.

spec-script A screenplay (or sitcom script) written by a writer without a preexisting production contract. submission release form A legal waiver, signed by the writer, that protects the production company in the event they produce a similar screenplay. subplot A secondary story that allows the audience to have time away from the main line of action. tableau When cast members strike a dramatic pose in a dramatic moment. Usually, someone speaks over the scene. A tableau is often used to give the feeling of a single moment being an entire scene. talent text

Actors. (Given some performances, I think the term is used loosely.) What's in the script.

title clearance The process of making sure your title is different enough from a previous title. If another film had the same title as your script, change your title. trade paperback A high-quality paperback that is bound similarly to a hardcover book. Trade paperbacks usually sell for prices similar to hardcover books. transitions

Script directives such as C U T T O or FADE IN.

turnaround A project or property a production entity has decided not to pursue any further. Oftentimes, other production entities will come in and try to get the piece, sometimes at a fraction of the original cost.

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Appendix A unsolicited submission A submission from someone unrecognized in the industry. Most companies won't read unsolicited submissions. You never want your work to fall into this category. work-for-hire A writing job where all the rights will belong to whoever commissioned the writer. This is never a good position to find yourself in because it usually eliminates your residuals.

Appendix

Something to Do Every Day The best advice I've ever gotten as a writer was to "work every day." Over the years, I've tried to keep this rule sacred, and as I teach new writers, I pass this nugget on to them. One frequent thing I hear from my students is that they didn't work on something every day because they ran out of things to work on. They lie. There is always something to write. The following list is 366 "assignments" for you to work on. There is something for you to focus on every day, including leap years. Most are small writing suggestions. Others focus on editing your material or doing the business that comes with writing. The list is designed with all comedy writers in mind. If the assignment is to "write about cell phones," it could be a joke, a play, a sitcom story idea, or whatever. Fit the assignment to your genre. On occasion, an assignment will ask you to do something outside your comfort zone. Use these exercises to expand your artistry. You're also asked to do some things repeatedly. This is to focus on the major points of the craft, such as editing or rewriting. Finally, use this to help you with your individual creative process. Don't use it in place of your own ideas. Use it to give you something to do when your brain wants to take a day off.

292

Appendix $

January 1

Go over your comedy material and update anything that's changed.

2

Add all your new bits to your material list.

3

Try writing in a comedy genre you don't usually work with.

4

Expand your vocabulary. Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

5

Analyze the latest film comedy and decipher why it's funny.

6

Research and make contact with four new potential markets for your comedy.

7

Organize the funny articles you've read.

8

Rework an old bit that you want to work better.

9

Organize your ideas.

10

Edit some of your older material.

11

Write something funny about winter weather.

12

Try rewriting a comedy idea you wrote for one genre into another genre.

13

Pick one topic and write 50 jokes on it.

14

Pick a bit that's short and expand it by finding other points of view to write from.

15

Write three pages in stream-of-consciousness style.

16

Write about yourself without being self-deprecating.

17

Make a list of business goals you want to reach in three months. Be realistic.

18

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

19

Expand your least-developed piece.

20

Reedit some material you know works well.

21

Find a serious article and write a funny version of it.

22

Analyze a comedian you haven't seen before. What does he or she do correctly in his writing?

23

Pick a piece that drags and put more energy into it.

24

Valentine's Day is three weeks away! Write something funny about it.

25

Free associate on what's going on in your life right now. Don't worry about format or structure; just keep writing, wherever it takes you, until you have about five pages. Take a break, then go back and pull out the funny stuff.

26

Write some comedy that deliberately uses obscenities. Now, see if you can rework it without those words and keep it funny.

27

Look at the jokes you wrote early in the month. Make them stronger.

28

Pick a bit that's not up to speed and fix it.

29

Edit some of your older comedy writings.

Something to Do Every Day 2 9 i 30

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

31

Edit all your setups to only the necessary parts.

February 1

Add all your new bits to your material list.

2

Write something funny about a person you know.

3

Go someplace new and write about the experience.

4

Organize the funny articles you've read.

5

Put a red pen to your writing. Put parentheses around any unnecessary words in your bits. Would eliminating those words make your comedy stronger?

6

Research and make contact with four new potential markets for your work.

7

Find the most overused words in your writing and eliminate them.

8

Rework an old bit that you want to work better.

9

Find a piece you like that you think is funny. How would you make it funnier?

10

Update all your business documents—resumes to web pages.

11

Pick 10 bits. Try to write toppers for them—not tags, but full-blown jokes that improve the bit by being there.

12

Lincoln's birthday: Write a political bit.

13

Write a piece of comedy that's meant to be performed.

14

Write a comedic poem to your valentine.

15

Write a funny short story.

16

Read your old material. Is there any salvageable comedy there?

17

Write about the funniest thing you did yesterday.

18

Take the articles you've read that you thought were boring and make them funny.

19

Edit some of your older material.

20

Pick a bit from your premise file and fully develop it today.

21

Break out your old photos and write funny captions for them.

22

Watch a sitcom and come up with 10 funny ideas for episodes.

23

Write 100 topical jokes.

24

Free associate on what's going on in your life right now. Don't worry about format or structure; just keep writing, wherever it takes you, until you have about five pages. Take a break, then go back and pull out the funny stuff.

25

Look at the funnies from your local paper. See if you can find funnier jokes for them.

26

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

27

Collaborate with another comedy writer.

294 28

Reedit some material you believe is good.

29

Every four years: Make a list of things you think are funny. How has this year's list changed from the last time you made this list?

March 1

Fat Tuesday is coming up! Write a bit about it.

2

Watch a funny movie and write a scene using the characters from the movie.

3

Look over the things you've worked on but haven't been able to make funny. Are there any common threads? Why don't these pieces work?

4

Eavesdrop on people in public places, then write about them.

5

Research and make contact with four new potential markets for your work.

6

Organize all the little pieces of paper you've written your premises on.

7

Rework an old bit you want to work better.

8

Update your contact lists. Drop industry people a line to check in and make sure your info is current.

9

Edit some of your older material.

10

Write about how you think others perceive you.

11

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

12

Rearrange a bit so it has a more logical flow.

13

Write about your earliest memories.

14

Write and perform three minutes of stand-up comedy.

15

Create character profiles for people you think might make good characters.

16

Pick the thing you're most sensitive about and make it funny.

17

St. Patrick's Day: What's the best joke you can write about it?

18

Write about someplace you've never been.

19

Rant as writing. Take a topic you haven't fully developed yet and finish writing it by talking about it out loud.

20

Reedit some material you think is funny.

21

It's spring! Send your mailings to your business contacts.

22

Analyze a comedy writer you haven't read before. What does he or she do right that you'd like to try?

23

Find an old idea from your premise file and flesh it out.

24

Pick up a newspaper and write a joke based on every headline.

25

Organize all the little pieces of paper you've written your premises on.

Something to Do Every Day 2 9 5 26

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

27

Free associate on what's going on in your life right now. Don't worry about format or structure; just keep writing, wherever it takes you, until you have about five pages. Take a break, then go back and pull out the fanny stuff.

28

Pick a bit that's not up to speed and either fix it or throw it away.

29

Edit some of your older material.

30

Write a comedy piece about an animal.

31

Write a bit about April Fools' Day.

April 1

Go over your written material and eliminate all the stuff that seems dated.

2

Write a speech for the current president that addresses the current issues—and make it funny, of course.

3

Write something funny for a character of the opposite sex.

4

Organize all the little pieces of paper you've written your premises on.

5

Write a bit on the occult.

6

Research and make contact with four new potential markets for your comedy.

7

Rework an old bit you want to work better.

8

Reedit some old material and make it current.

9

Turn down the sound from a scene in a movie, then write "new dialogue" you think should be dubbed in to make the scene funny.

10

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

11

Write a bit that makes use of all the senses.

12

Organize the funny articles you've read.

13

Write a bit using your least-expressed emotion.

14

Write a bit from a child's perspective.

15

Tax day! File and be funny about it.

16

Listen to a stand-up comic. Make his or her jokes funnier.

17

Organize all your undeveloped ideas.

18

Break out your list of three-month goals. Did you meet them? Make a new threemonth list.

19

Edit some of your older material.

20

Mother's Day is about three weeks away! Start punching up this material now.

21

Open the newspaper and try your hand at topical writing.

296

Appendix B 22

Analyze a comedic play. What makes it funny?

23

Reword any jokes that don't work.

24

Look out your window. Write something funny about the first thing you see.

25

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

26

Write a comedic obituary for yourself.

27

Make a list of the funniest-sounding words you want to weave into your writing.

28

Free associate on what's going on in your life right now. Don't worry about format or structure; just keep writing, wherever it takes you, until you have about five pages. Take a break, then go back and pull out the funny stuff.

29

Write 100 "Your mama" jokes.

30

Reedit some of your older material.

May 1

Add all new bits you've been working on to your material list.

2

Write a bit about college.

3

Organize your premises.

4

Write a comedy essay on something you're passionate about.

5

Make any dialogue you've written sound more natural. "

6

Memorial Day is about three weeks away! Start writing summer material now.

7

Research and make contact with four new potential markets for your work.

8

Rework an old bit you want to work better.

9

Edit some of your older material.

10

Update all your business documents—resumes to web pages.

11

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

12

Write comedy the old-fashioned way: with pencil and paper. Does handwriting affect the quality of your comedy?

13

Make a master list of the comedic pieces you've written.

14

Write a recipe, but make it funny.

15

Write 10 clever malapropisms.

16

Write a bit about other points of view in your writing.

17

Write about money.

18

Write something funny about sex without making it dirty.

19

Study a late-night talk-show host and see if you can write in his or her style.

20

Write 10 funny top 10 lists.

Something to Do Every Day 2 9 7 21

Clip all the pictures from today's newspaper. Write a funny caption for each of them.

22

Watch two sitcoms and switch their plots. Could you make each idea funny for the other show?

23

Write about something that makes you happy.

24

Father's Day is about three weeks away! Start fixing up this material now.

25

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

26

Take a serious article and make it funny by changing as few words as possible.

27

Free associate on what's going on in your life right now. Don't worry about format or structure; just keep writing, wherever it takes you, until you have about five pages. Take a break, then go back and pull out the funny stuff.

28

Pick a bit that's not up to speed and fix it.

29

Edit some of your older material.

30

Write about something you've never written about before.

31

Spend two hours fixing one joke.

June 1

Come up with 25 new ideas to work on.

2

Organize your premises.

3

Map out an idea for an original comedy novel or film.

4

Write a bit on an overused topic. Can you find new life in the subject, or does it remain "hackey"?

5

Create character pages for an existing sitcom.

6

Research and make contact with four new markets for your work.

7

Take your worst joke and fix it.

8

Rework an old bit you want to work better.

9

Reedit some material.

10

Update your contact lists. Drop people a line to check in and make sure your info is current.

11

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

12

Write a comedy bit about a summer experience.

13

The Fourth of July is three weeks away! Write jokes about it today.

14

Work with another writer and help punch up a piece of his.

15

Watch a newscast and write topical jokes on the subjects they covered.

16

Write a sketch.

298

Appendix B 17

Pick a bit that's short and expand it by finding other emotions to write about the subject.

18

Free associate on what's going on in your life right now. Don't worry about format or structure; just keep writing, wherever it takes you, until you have about five pages. Take a break, then go back and pull out the funny stuff.

19

Edit some of your older material.

20

Fix the grammar in your written material.

21

It's summer! Send your mailings to your business contacts.

22

Write in a comedy genre that you don't usually work with.

23

Write a fanny slogan for a product you use.

24

Write some humorous greeting card slogans.

25

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

26

Read a comedic article. Why do you think it's funny?

27

Write 100 jokes on hobbies.

28

Update the material in your comedy file so it's written in your own unique voice.

29

Write a comedy piece about your mode of transportation.

30

Reedit some of your older material.

July 1

Go over your material and update everything.

2

Spend all your writing time today working on one premise.

3

Write a comedy piece that relies heavily on visuals.

4

Write about your childhood.

5

Rewrite your pieces using the full scope of your vocabulary.

6

Organize your premises.

7

Research and make contact with four new markets for your work.

8

Rework an old bit you want to work better.

9

Try your hand at writing stand-up.

10

Edit some of your older material.

11

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

12

Write a comedy piece in the past tense.

13

Write an essay on your comedic style. Don't skimp. Write a lot of pages.

14

Write something that makes the audience disagree with you yet still laugh.

15

Write a bit about winter weather.

Something to Do Every Day 2 9 9 16

Go to the beach or park. Look at two people talking and write a bit about what you think they might be saying.

17

Rewrite a piece so it starts with a different joke.

18

Research a topic you know nothing about, then write a bit on it.

19

Break out your list of three-month goals. Did you meet them? Make a new threemonth list.

20

Reedit some of your older material.

21

Free associate on what's going on in your life right now. Don't worry about format or structure; just keep writing, wherever it takes you, until you have about five pages. Take a break, then go back and pull out the funny stuff.

22

Pick a style of comedy you don't use often and write in it.

23

Take 10 bits and make them shorter.

24

Find the first bit you ever wrote. Rewrite it with the talent you have now.

25

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

26

Organize the funny articles you've read.

27

Organize your premises.

28

Write a bit for a comic. Try to capture her voice.

29

Pick a bit that's not working and fix it.

30

Write a bit about writing.

31

Rewrite your oldest bit.

August 1

Add all new bits you've been working on to your material list.

2

Write a bit about something in nature.

3

Write something that uses the full level of your intelligence.

4

Organize your premises.

5

Write a bit about technology.

6

Research and make contact with four new markets for your work.

7

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

8

Rework an old bit you want to work better.

9

Write a piece about your first crush.

10

Update all your business documents—resumes to web pages.

11

Labor Day is three weeks away! Start writing this seasonal material now.

300

Appendix B 12

What did you want to be when you were a kid? Write a comedic piece on what your life would be like if you were that.

13

Write a very funny letter to the editor.

14

Write a piece "roasting" yourself.

15

Write a bit about art.

16

Write 50 jokes about people in the news.

17

Go over your complete list of written material and find the bits you want to improve.

18

Ask a friend for a subject to write about, then make it funny.

19

Edit some of your older material.

20

Write something funny about your body.

21

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

22

Analyze a comic you haven't seen before. What does he or she do right that you'd like to try in your writing?

23

Write a comedy bit that's purely physical.

24

Pick a topic that you feel you've gotten all the jokes out of and write 25 more jokes on it.

25

Write a bit about something controversial. Can you make it funny, or do you just offend?

26

Free associate on what's going on in your life right now. Don't worry about format or structure; just keep writing, wherever it takes you, until you have about five pages. Take a break, then go back and pull out the funny stuff.

27

Go outside and write a bit.

28

Analyze your last three pieces. How can you improve them?

29

Watch music videos for an hour and then write about the current teen culture.

30

Reedit some of your older material.

31

Find a writer you respect and ask him questions about writing.

September 1

Add all new bits you've been working on to your material list.

2

Write a bit about music.

3

Organize your premises.

4

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

5

Double today's writing session, but spend all the time working on just one bit.

Something to Do Every Day 3 0 1 6

Research and make contact with four new markets for your work.

7

Write a bit about going back to school.

8

Rework an old bit.

9

Find the oldest undeveloped idea you have and work on it.

10

Update your contact lists. Drop people a line to check in and make sure your info is current.

11

Go to the library and read excerpts from humor anthologies. What did you like about these pieces?

12

Write a bit about pets.

13

Write a bit about exotic animals.

14 What opinions have people given you about your writing? Is there a constant thread that runs among the criticism? 15

Edit a friend's piece for him.

16

Write about a topic from your father's or mother's point of view.

17

Rewrite a friend's piece, just to practice the basics.

18

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

19

Reedit some of your older material.

20

Write about romantic love without mentioning sex.

21

Go see a stand-up comedy show. Watch the comics and audience, and determine what jokes the audience will like.

22

Watch one of the new fall sitcoms and think of episode ideas for it.

23

It's fall! Time to send out your mailing to your business contacts.

24

Write a bit about the leaves changing color.

25

Figure out what makes the articles you've read that you thought were funny work.

26

Organize your premises.

27

Write about something you think is too personal to talk about. At worst, you've exercised your writing muscle.

28

Free associate on what's going on in your life right now. Don't worry about format or structure; just keep writing, wherever it takes you, until you have about five pages. Take a break, then go back and pull out the funny stuff.

29

Write a one-page comedy story.

30

Write a 10-minute play.

302

Appendix B

October 1

Go over your written material and update anything that's changed.

2

Add all new bits you've been working on to your material list.

3

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

4

Say your pieces out loud. Are they easy to say?

5

Organize your premises.

6

Research and make contact with four new markets for your work.

7

Write a bit about a topic you heard discussed in the news, on TV, or among friends. Keep it personal.

8

Rework an old bit.

9

Come up with 50 funny things about cars.

10

Halloween is three weeks away! Start writing your spooky material now.

11

Write something fanny about Halloween.

12

Write about something joyful.

13

Write 50 topical jokes.

14

Write about your hobby.

15

Write a short story with you as the protagonist.

16

Turn your relationship into a comedy fairy tale. Start with "Once upon a time ..."

17

Write a funny fan letter.

18

Tonight you host a talk show! What's in your monologue?

19

Rewrite a serious Shakespeare monologue so it's both modern and funny.

20

Write funny stuff about the weather.

21

Write a humorous review to the last serious book you read.

22

Go to a restaurant and write a review.

23

Election Day is about two weeks away! Write about the process.

24

Write a piece and make it sound as if it's being written by a 10-year-old.

25

Write a bit about numbers.

26

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

27

Rework the lyrics to a famous song and create a parody.

28

Break out your list of three-month goals. Did you meet them? Make a new threemonth list.

29

Edit some of your older material.

30

Write a funny poem and perform it at a poetry slam.

31

It's Halloween. What are the funniest costume choices for today's stars?

Somethinq to Do Every Day 3 0 3

November 1

Try your hand at writing a longer "story"-type piece.

2

Free associate on what's going on in your life right now. Don't worry about format or structure; just keep writing, wherever it takes you, until you have about five pages. Take a break, then go back and pull out the funny stuff.

3

Put parentheses around any useless words in a joke or sentence of a story. Try eliminating it. Does it still work?

4

Write an original "joke book" joke.

5

Organize your premises.

6

Write a complete joke using only one sentence.

7

Write about something from a foreigner's point of view.

8

Reedit some of your older material.

9

Add all new bits you've been working on to your material list.

10

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

11

Rearrange the order of jokes in a piece. Does changing the order show you more places to put jokes?

12

Write a funny letter to the editor.

13

Have a writing session with another comedy writer.

14 Thanksgiving is about three weeks away! Start writing those turkey jokes now. 15

Research and make contact with four new markets for your work.

16 Write 50 topical jokes. 17

Update all your business documents—resumes to web pages.

18

Edit some of your older material.

19

Write a bit about time.

20

Organize your premises.

21

Write a speech "roasting" your boss.

22

Write a funny letter to a friend.

23

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

24

Try another form of comedy writing, such as sitcom or essay writing. Just write outside of your comfort zone.

25

Check your writing for inconsistencies, and fix them. Stick to the topics. Are your subjects clear in your bits?

26

Make a list of the last 25 things you wrote about and write about their opposites.

27

Write comedy about your last vacation.

Appendix B 28

Write about getting together with your family.

29

Rewrite an old topic using none of the same jokes.

30

Write about the worst winter in your life.

December 1

Take the funniest thing you've written this year and make it funnier.

2

Read your writing. What does it tell people about you?

3

Free associate on what's going on in your life right now. Don't worry about format or structure; just keep writing, wherever it takes you, until you have about five pages. Take a break, then go back and pull out the funny stuff.

4

Is what you're writing relevant? What emotion do you want each bit to play off? Tailor your material to present your ideas more clearly.

5

Write a bit about the holiday season.

6

Edit some of your older material.

7

Add all your new bits to your material list.

8

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

9

Organize your premises.

10

Write about something you've never written about before.

11 Make up a funny Christmas list. 12

Research and make contact with four new markets for your work.

13

Write about the holiday shoppers you've been coming across.

14

Rework an old bit.

15

Update your contact lists. Drop people a line to check in and make sure your info is current.

16 New Year's Eve is two weeks away! Start fixing up your end-of-the-year material now. 17

Write about sports.

18

Have someone read your comedy to you. What does hearing it tell you?

19

Organize your premises.

20

Reread your most current material. What are you presenting to the public? Is that the image you want the industry to have of you? If not, make the necessary changes to make your product fit your vision.

21

Write about your earliest holiday memories.

22

Write a follow-up piece to something you've already finished.

23

Write about winter.

Something to Do Every Day 3 0 5 24

Write a bit about the holiday season from an unusual point of view.

25

Free associate on what's going on in your life right now. Don't worry about format or structure; just keep writing, wherever it takes you, until you have about five pages. Take a break, then go back and pull out the funny stuff.

26

It's winter! Send your mailings to your business contacts.

27

Expand your vocabulary: Find a word you don't know and write a bit about it.

28

Edit some of your older material.

29

Pick a bit that's not up to speed and either fix it or take it out of the rotation.

30

Sift through your writing to find all the material you've outgrown and get rid of it.

31

Take an inventory of how you've grown artistically and professionally, and make long-term plans to keep growing in the next year.

Appendi

Where to Go for Help I hope you've reached a healthy curiosity about comedy and comedy writing by now. What follows is a list of websites, classes, and publications I find very usefal. Use this list as a starting point to explore what's out there. Find other resources I might have missed. Keep searching for more help with your craft.

Comedy Writing Helitzer, Melvin. Comedy Writing Secrets. Cincinnati: Writer's Digest Books, 1987. A good approach to comedy basics. Peret, Gene. Comedy Writing Step by Step. New York: Samuel French, 1990. Old school but on the money. A great breakdown in terms of construction. . Comedy Writing Workbook. New York, Sterling Publishing Co., 1990. A very practical workbook for line writers.

General Writing The Chicago Manual of Style: The Essential Guide for Writers, Editors, and Publishers, Fifteenth Edition. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2003. A hard-core listing of the rules of written English. Rozakis, Laurie. The Complete Idiots Guide to Grammar and Style, Second Edition. Indianapolis: Alpha Books, 2003. You gotta know the rules of the road before you drive a car. This is a great refresher course for basic English principles.

308

Appendix ( —. The Complete Idiots Guide to Writing Well. Indianapolis: Alpha Books, 2000. A great way to pick up a lot of fundamentals.

Fiction Writing Bickham, Jack M. The 38 Most Common Fiction Writing Mistakes (And How to Avoid Them). Cincinnati: Writer's Digest Books, 1997. Very easy-to-follow romp through the nuts and bolts of fiction writing. Gotham Writers Workshop Writing Fiction. New York: Bloombury, 2003. Eleven fiction writers/teachers combine to bring you the definitive guide to fiction.

Nonfiction Writing Gutkind, Lee. The Art of Creative Nonfiction: Writing and Selling the Literature of Reality. Indianapolis: John Wley & Sons, 1997. A beginner's guide to creative nonfiction. Zinsser, William. On Writing Well: The Classic Guide to Writing Nonfiction. New York: HarperPerennial, 1998. You'll learn more from this book than you will in most universities.

Sitcom Writing Marc, David. Comic Visions. Maiden, MA: Blackwell Publishers, 1989, revised 1997. A scholarly breakdown of the American sitcom and why it has evolved to its current form. Wolff, Jurgen, with Ferrante, L. P. Successful Sitcom Writing. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1988, revised 1996. I don't know a single working sitcom writer who doesn't own this book.

Sketch Comedy Writing Kerr, Cherie. Build to Laugh: How to Construct Sketch Comedy with the Fast and Funny Formula. New York: Execuprov, 1998. A bit simple in approach, but solid advice all around.

Where to Go for Help 3 0 9

Screenplay Writing Field, Syd. The Screenwriter's Workbook. New York: DTP, 1988. Tons of screenplay books come out each year; this one is still the best. Features clear breakdowns in an easy-to-follow format. Horton, Andrew. Laughing Out Loud: Writing the Comedy-Centered Screenplay. CA: University of California Press, 2000. A rich treatment of comedy in film with many classic references. Press, Skip. The Complete Idiots Guide to Screenwriting, Second Edition. Indianapolis: Alpha Books, 2004. Basic, no-nonsense approach to screenwriting.

Theater Writing Egri, Lajos. The Art of Dramatic Writing. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1946. This is the definitive book on modern play construction.

Stand-Up Comedy Writing Allen, Steve, with Jane Wollman. How to Be Funny. USA: Prometheus Books, 1998. Extremely basic but right-on-the-money advice from one of the great comic minds of all time. Carter, Judy. The Comedy Bible. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2001. So far, the most complete book I've found on stand-up comedy writing.

Links www.angelfire.com/va/storyguide Links you to other web pages that deal with fiction. www. comedyanswers. com A free resource site where you can send in questions about comedy and get answers. It also has reading service and online classes in sitcom, sketch, and comedy screenplays. www. comedycentral. com The home for the world's premier comedy network. www.freelancewriting.coni A resource page for nonfiction writers. www.geocities.com/SoHo/Nook/9082/writersresources.htnil A fiction writer's resource page.

310

Appendix C www.pilotproject.tv/7_laws_comedy_writing.html An interesting set of guidelines for writing comedy scripts. www.scriptcity.net The most complete selection of T V and film scripts in format. www.sketchcenter.com A sketch comedy writing site. www.uproarmagazine.com An online magazine for and about stand-up comics. www. writersbookcase. com A good online bookstore for writers. www.writingclasses.com Writing workshops live in New York City and online. They cover all the genres covered in this book. And yes, I teach there, too!

Annotated Taina Script For those of you who want to write sitcoms, what follows is a powerful tool— an annotated teaser for an aired episode of a sitcom. The show is Taina, which appeared on Nickelodeon, and the episode is "Abuelo Knows Best," written by Maria Perez-Brown. Both the network and the writer were kind enough to allow us to publish this script excerpt. You'll see arrows and notes on the pages of the script. The arrows point you to something, and the note defines it. (Find out more about the terminology on these pages in Chapter 21.) On occasion, there will be an arrow and a number; this means there is a point about that particular section. Immediately following the script pages is an explanation of these points. Again, I say thank you to Nickelodeon and Maria Perez-Brown. I hope you enjoy and learn from these pages.

31Z

Appendix D

SERIES NAME

• TAINA " A b u e l o Knows Best"

V

1

EPISODE NAME

by Maria P e r e z Brown \ CREDIT LINE

C u r r e n t R e v i s i o n s by (Maria P e r e z -Brown, 1 1 / 0 6 / 0 1 )

y REVISIONS LINE UNNECESSARY FOR SPEC SCRIPT

Nickelodeon Address Phone CONTACT INFO

Annotated Jam Script J I J

TAINA

"Abuelo Knows B e s t " - SHOOTING - Perez-Brown - 1 1 / 6 / 0 1

TSR

1.

TRANSITION s, TEASER » ™" SCENE HEAD FADE IN; INT. PAPITO'S - AFTERNOON (DAY 1) M (Taina, Renee, Lamar, Daniel, Joseph, Customers) <6e

TAINA AND RENEE ARE AT THE JUKEBOX BELLY DANCING TO SHAKIRA'S "WHENEVER, WHEREVER."

< %.

TAINA No, use the belly. (DEMONSTRATES)

^ CHARACTER LISTS *

RENEE Look, I'm a hip girl. THE GIRLS CONTINUE DANCING AS THE SONG ENDS. TAINA I love this song.

^.,i Q

RENEE I love Shakira. TAINA Yeah, let's play it again. LAMAR AND DANIEL WALK OVER TO THE JUKEBOX. RENEE BLOCKS THEIR WAY. LAMAR

4MIII

ex You've been playing the same song over and over for the last fortyfive minutes. DANIEL And what's with those moves? You have to go to the bathroom? DANIEL IMITATES THE GIRLS BELLY DANCE.

^

3k TAINA

"Abuelo Knows B e s t " - SHOOTING - Perez-Brown - 1 1 / 6 / 0 1

SHOOTING S C R I P T HEADER UNNECESSARY FOR SPEC S C R I P T

TAINA

TSR

2.

PAGE NUMBER

For your information, that's called belly dancing. DANIEL No, that's called sad. RENEE What do you know? TAINA Renee, give me a quarter. RENEE I'm all out. TAINA Me, too. LAMAR Ha-ha, move out the way.

HE REACHES INTO HIS POCKET, BUT HE HAS NO CHANGE. LAMAR (CONT'D) Uh, Dan?

(•III

o

DANIEL I'm tapped out, too. A CUTE BOY, JOSEPH. WALKS OVER TO THE JUKEBOX. JOSEPH Hey, mind if I play a song? TAINA (BLUSHES) don't mind.

Joseph.

4>m Oh, hi.

Go ahead.

No, I

Annotated laina Script 3 1 5 TAINA

"Abuelo Knows Best" - SHOOTING - Perez-Brown - 11/6/01

CHARACTER NAME

TSR

3.

li,^ LAMAR Finally, a little variety,

Take it

away, dawg. JOSEPH Thanks. (TO TAINA)

We're still on

for rehearsal in the morning, right? TAINA Right.

DIALOGUE

I'll be there. JOSEPH

Great, I'm looking forward to working with you. JOSEPH DROPS MONEY INTO THE JUKEBOX, PICKS A SONG AND GOES BACK TO HIS TABLE. « JOSEPH (CONT'D) Hasta luego.

NARRATIVE

THEY WATCH HIM GO. TAINA

©

How can I play a character that rejects such a hottie, and make her

""» believable? RENEE ^i.i

Close your eyes and make believe he's Lamar. LAMAR GLARES AT RENEE.

0

316

Appendix D TAINA

"Abuelo Knows Best" - SHOOTING - Perez-Brown - 11/6/01

SFX: JUKEBOX. SHAKIRA SONG STARTS AGAIN. TAINA AND RENEE START BELLY-DANCING AGAIN. LAMAR AND DANIEL GROAN.

TSR

4

^ jt| w

CUT TO: MAIN TITLES

V TITLES INSERT UNNECESSARY FOR SPEC SCRIPT

€>

Annotated IMM Script 3 1 7

Notes Here are the notes for the corresponding numbers in the script pages.

1 Notice how the author took time to set up the first few jokes. The audience of a sitcom is familiar with the characters, and they know something funny is coming. You don't need to rush. In addition, with the girls dancing, the setup is visual in nature, so you can keep the audience's attention through a pleasing visual as well as with punch lines.

2 A show should be about characters—people—who have lives when the cameras aren't rolling. Great sitcom writers use that history. Lamar's line of dialogue implies a history. It has a familiar tone with the character, plus he states a length of time this has been going on without the audience being privy to the action.

3 The payoff to the girl's earlier visual comes with Daniel's line plus his visual imitation. This is one of the cases where a spec-script writer would have to be more specific in the description of the belly-dance imitation. A staff writer has the luxury of being in close proximity to explain his or her ideas to the actor; you, my spec-writing friend, do not.

k By this point, Lamar is firmly set as the protagonist. The fact that he took pleasure in the girls' being unable to hear their song enables the audience to enjoy a laugh at his expense when he can't get his music on, either. The audience should now be invested in the characters. It doesn't matter if they're rooting for Taina or against Lamar, as long as they're participatory.

5 The moment with Lamar and Daniel is over, and now the writer has to transition to the story. In this case, the story is about James and how Taina feels about him. What did the writer do to signal that? She took a character who had been belly-dancing on the previous page and makes her blush and become tongue-tied when James talks to her. She let the character's behavior define the story.

318

Appendix D

6 We need a conflict for a sitcom episode to work. In this case, Taina states the episodic conflict to her friend Renee. Normally that approach would feel heavy-handed, however ...

7 The writer used the straight statement of the episodic conflict as a setup for Renee's jab at Lamar. She used the story to set up the character-driven comedy. This works even better because the writer took the time to set up Lamar as the antagonist.

8 A callback! The writer returned us to the starting point of the scene by calling back the strong opening visual of the two teenage girls dancing. At the same time, Lamar and Daniel lose the battle of the jukebox. This is a perfect way to go to the title sequence or the first commercial break.

9 C U T T O : is also a transition. Sometimes they're justified right, sometimes left. For more on how to tell when the transition goes on what side, see Chapter 22. As you get your hands on aired scripts of shows, look at what the writer does to tell the story and create the comedy. Don't just focus on the jokes; look at how the entire script is built, event by event. The more you study sitcom scripts, the easier it will be to write them.

Index A Act I (sitcoms), 237 Act II (sitcoms), 238 act of escalation, 255 act of introduction, 255 act of resolution, 255 active past tense, 148 active POVs, 83 adult humor, 167-168 agents, 188-190 literary, 189 reputability, 201 all rights, 206 ambiguous pronoun references, 149 antonyms, 53 articles (comedy), 6 artistic licenses, 152-153 audiences catering to, 164-165 clubs, 165 common ground attitude, 122 boxing people in, 122 details, 121 involvement, 123-126 lying, 126 obscurity, 123 subculture specifics, 120-121 universal element, 121 connections, 20 daring to offend, 138-139 distractions, 73 edgy humor, 166-168 eliminating negatives, 140

front-loading, 139-140 getting attention, 65 leading, 141 matching language to, 60 POV identification, 84 relating to, 163-164 theater, 260 topical humor matches, 168

B Bob Uecker Baseball Hall of Fame speech, 278 book proposals, 203-204 buddy/friendship sitcoms, 242 buyer needs (comedy), 174, 187-188 brevity, 175 clarity, 176 completeness, 178 crispness, 175 edge, 175 editing, 177 emotions, 175 enthusiasm, 179 exciting, 179 finished writing, 175 flow, 177 focused, 179 funny material, 176 information included, 176 killer comedy, 176 language, 177 laughter, 176 marketable, 177 order, 177 originality, 176

quality, 177 rhythm, 178 styles, 178 testing, 178 Universal Joke Formula, 178 vision, 178

( callbacks, 94 captions, 7, 227-228 careers (comedy writers) agents, 188-190 buyers, 187-188 income, earning, 174, 184 managers, 188-190 market introduction, 185-187 query letters, tracking, 190 targeted mailings, 191 submissions, tracking, 191 cartoon books, 202 cartoons, 7 captions, 227-228 imagination, 224-225 multi-panel strips, 225-226 reality, 225 submitting, 226 characters novels, 220 jokes, 40-41 lists, 240 sheets, 244 sitcoms, 232-233 sketches, 251 state of being, 82 stories, 113

320

The (omplete Idiot's Guide to (omedy Writing

clarity, 60 corporate comedy, 283 language, 60-61 material, 149-150 selling comedy, 176 twists, 92 clean language, 133-134 climaxes, 256 club audiences, 165 cold opens (sitcoms), 237 comedic voice, 78, 85 comedy for one, 12-13 comedy teams, 11 comic personas, 273 commentaries, 6 common ground (audience) attitude, 122 boxing people in, 122 details, 121 involvement, 123-126 obscurity, 123 subculture specifics, 120-121 universal element, 121 comparisons, 52 concept phase, 26 conflicts sitcoms, 231 sketches, 251 stories, 114-115 connections with audience, 20 consistency of jokes, 96 contests (film), 199 continuity, 151 corporate comedy, 281-283 corporate market, 207-208 coverage, 196 creativity exercise, 23

demographics show bibles, 245 sitcoms, 230 developing ideas, 182-184 POVs active, 83 audience identification, 84 comedic voice, 78, 85 emotions, 79-82 good, 82 honesty, 83 linking to premises, 83 uncommon, 84 wiggle room, 84 premises, 68-70 twists clarity, 92 details, 88-89 reworking, 89-90 surprises, 90-91 DGA (Directors Guild of America), 197 dialogue, 148 plays, 261 sitcoms, 233-234 sketches, 252 spec-scripts, 240 stories, 114 distractions (audience), 73

DJs selling jokes to, 207 writing for, 274 double entendres, 53 drafts, 141 Dramatis Personae, 264 Durst, Will, 161

E daily writing, 26-27 daring to offend audiences, 138-139

edgy humor, 137 accentuating positive, 139-140 audience matching, 166-168

daring to offend, 138-139 front-loading, 139-140 language freedom, 139 editing, 145 artistic license, 152-153 ideas, 156-158 long-form comedy, 147 active past tense, 148 clarification, 149-150 dialogue, 148 extra words, 149 flow, 151 format, 152 grammar, 149 present tense, 151 repetitions, 151 showing emotions, 148 tightening up, 148 material, 177 old jokes, 161 subtraction, 146-147 tweaking, 146 electronic rights, 206 emotions, 79 adding to jokes, 64 behavior changes, 80 intensity, 80 matching POVs, 50 multiple, 81 personal reactions, 81 premises, 72 selling comedy, 175 showing, 148 state of being, 82 triggers, 80 within people, 79 ending jokes, 62 presentations, 100 stories, 115 ensemble comedy movies, 254 five points, 255-257 formatting, 257-258

Index 321 professional feedback, 259 three-act structures, 254 plays, 259 audiences, 260 dialogue, 261 five-act, 262 formatting, 264-266 one-act, 263 one-person, 263-264 stage directions, 261-262 starting, 260 structures, 262-264 ten-minute, 263 three-act, 262 two-act, 262 sketches, 250 characters, 251 conflicts, 251 descriptions, 252 dialogue, 252 elements, 250-253 formatting, 253 settings, 252 team comedy, 267 tips, 252 storytellers, 267 team comedy, 266 pacing, 268 rivals, 267 sketches, 267 straight man, 267-268 types, 267 ensemble performers comedy, 9 comedy teams, 11 film, 10 sitcoms, 10 sketches, 9 stage, 9 episode conflicts, 231 episode log lines, 245 exaggerations, 55, 91 excuses for not writing, 101

F falls, 39 familiarity, 55 family relationship sitcoms, 242 feathered subplots, 236 fiction, 6-7 film, 10 film festivals, 199 finding common ground with audience attitude, 122 boxing people in, 122 details, 121 involvement, 123-126 lying, 126 obscurity, 123 subculture specifics, 120-121 universal element, 121 humor in situations, 30-31 ideas, 28-29 representation, 197 unique humor, 169 first contacts, 208 first drafts, 221 first serial rights, 206 five elements (novels), 222-223 five points (screenplays), 255-257 five-act plays, 262 flow editing, 151 material, 177 presentations, 99 focusing ideas, 72-73 formatting captions, 228 jokes, 216-217 magazine articles, 218-219 novels, 223-224

plays, 264-266 screenplays, 257-258 sketches, 253 spec-scripts, 238-241 speeches, 280 free associations, 110 front-loading, 139-140 funny bone expressing, 23 growing, 19-21 funny sounds, 54 funny words, 64

genres matching tone, 100 reworking ideas for, 156 reworking old jokes, 160-161 wording, 96 gimmicks, 275 grammar, 61, 149 Gurian, Jeffery, 280

H hard comedy, 232 hidden blue comedy, 134 Hollywood Creative Directory, 196 Hollywood Representation Directory, 196 homonyms, 53 honesty (POV), 83 humor adult, 167-168 edgy. See edgy humor expedition exercise, 31 fiction, 6-7 finding in situations, 30-31 ideas, 72-73 insults, 167 jokes, 34 selling comedy, 176

3ZZ

The (omplete Idiot's Guide to (omedy Writing

shock, 56, 166 topical, 12, 168 triggers, 16-18 types, 34 character jokes, 40-41 physical jokes, 39-40 stand-alone jokes, 35-37 story jokes, 37-38 terminology, 35 unique, 169 visual, 56 humor books, 202

involvement of audience, 123 audience connections, 124-125 personalization, 123-124 vivid prose, 125-126 writing foundation, 126

J

joke books, 8 elements, 215-216 formatting, 216-217 goal, 215 selling, 202 jokes, 34 ideas (comedy) audience attention, 65 concept phase, 26 character, 40-41 daily writing, 26-27 clarity, 60-61 developing, 182-184 clean, 133-134 rinding, 28 consistency, 96 adding faces, 28 creating from scratch exeraudience connection, 20 cise, 101 environment, 29 elements, 215-216 exploration, 21 emotions, adding, 64 personalizations, 29 ending on triggers, 62 premises, 29 formatting, 216-217 writing everything down, goal, 215 19-20 language, 130-131 fleshing out, 75 line huggers, 62 focusing, 72-73 market-based, 173 keeping current, 182 old, 159-161 ordering, 22 performing, 172 organizing, 22-23 physical, 39-40, 132 related topics, 106-107 reading, 173 reworking, 156-158 rhythm, 96 scheduling writing, 27 selling, 206-208 writing every day, 27 silence, 132 income, earning, 174, 184 sitcoms, 236 periodicals, 206 soul searching, 63 screenplays, 198 stand-alone, 35-37, 99 selling jokes, 207 staying on topic, 64 incongruity, 52 stories, adding, 116 insult humor, 37, 167 story, 37-38 Internet Public Library, 205 styles, matching, 97 introductions (screenplays), 255

I

Universal Joke Formula, 45-46 POV, 46, 49-51 premises, 46-49 twists, 46, 51-56 visual comedy, 56 visual, 78, 173 wording, 96 juxtapositions, 52

K-L kids' sitcoms, 242 killer comedy, 176 language active past tense, 148 ambiguous pronoun references, 149 audience, matching, 60 clean, 133-134 edgy material, 139 grammar, 61, 149 nuances, 130-131 physical movements, 132 present tense, 151 profanity, 61 rhythm, 131 selling comedy, 177 silence, 132 simplicity, 130 spelling, 149 word choices, 60-61 laughter. See humor layering twists, 93-94 layout show bibles, 245-246 spec-scripts, 238 leading audiences, 141 line huggers, 62 literary agents, 189 log-line pitches, 195 long-lost laughter exercise, 162

Index 323 long-form comedy, 105 editing, 147 active past tense, 148 clarification, 149-150 dialogue, 148 extra words, 149 flow, 151 format, 152 grammar, 149 present tense, 151 repetitions, 151 showing emotions, 148 tightening up, 148 multiple POV, 107-109 related topics, 106-107 stories, 111 adding to jokes, 116 characters, 113 conflict, 114-115 dialogue, 114 endings, 115 ingredients, 111 plots, 112 revising, 116 settings, 114 structure, 112

M magazine articles selling, 205-206 writing, 217-219 malapropisms, 53 managers, 188-190 mangled cliches, 55 margins (spec-scripts), 238 markets, 117 agents and managers, 188-190 buyers, 187-188 cartoon books, 202 first contacts, 208 humor books, 202 introduction, 185-187 joke books, 202

jokes, 206-208 magazine articles, 205-206 newsletter articles, 205-206 newspaper articles, 205-206 nonfiction books, 203-204 novels, 201-202 plays, 199-200 screenplays, 194-199 scripts, 193 sitcoms, 199 styles, defining, 172-173 targeted mailings, 191 tracking query letters, 190 tracking submissions, 191 website articles, 205-206 market-based jokes, 173 metaphors, 52 midpoints (screenplays), 256 misdirections, 54-55, 90 misfit sitcoms, 242 money. See income monologues, 38 movies. See screenplays multi-panel strips, 225-226

N narratives, 234-235 negatives (audience), 140 newsletter articles, 205-206 NewsLink website, 205 newspaper articles, 205-206 NewsVoyager website, 205 nonfiction selling, 203-204 storytelling, 217-218 noun creativity exercise, 23 novels characters, 220 first drafts, 221 five elements, 222-223 formatting, 223-224

oudines, 220 POV, 222 selling, 201-202 settings, 220 story, 220 tenses, 222 writing styles, 222 novelty acts, 275-276 nuances, 130-131

old jokes, 159 genres, changing, 160-161 references, updating, 159 reminiscing, 159 rewriting, 161 rhythms, 160 one-act plays, 263 one-liners, 36 one-page pitches, 195 one-paragraph episode breakdowns, 244 one-person plays, 263-264 one-time rights, 206 opinions (POV), 108 ordering ideas, 22 material, 177 organizing ideas, 22-23 premises, 74 outlines novels, 220 sitcoms, 243 speeches, 278

pacing team comedy, 268 page numbers (spec-scripts), 239 parodies, 55

3?*i

The Complete Idiot's Guide to (omedy Writing

changing, 85 party jokes, 35 comedic voice, 78, 85 elements, 215-216 complementing, 85 formatting, 216-217 contrasting, 85 goal, 215 emotions, 79 performances behavior changes, 80 art, 38 jokes, 172 intensity, 80 multiple, 81 stand-up comedy, 270-271 writing for, 272 personal reactions, 81 personal experience essays, 6 state of being, 82 personalizing triggers, 80 ideas, 29 within people, 79 good, 82 material, 123-124 honesty, 83 physical jokes, 39-40, 132 pilots linking to premises, 83 long-form comedy, 107-109 episode treatments, 244 novels, 222 show bibles, 244-246 opinions, 108 sitcoms, 242-243 realities, 108 pitches shades, 108 magazine articles, 218 uncommon, 84 screenplays, 195 wiggle room between, 84 plays, 259 Universal Joke Formula, audiences, 260 46,49-51 dialogue, 261 premises five-act, 262 formatting, 264-266 common, 169 developing, 68-70 one-act, 263 emotions, 72 one-person, 263-264 fleshing out ideas, 75 selling, 199-200 ideas stage directions, 261-262 starting, 260 compared, 29 structures, 262-264 focusing, 72-73 organizing, 74 ten-minute, 263 POV, linking, 83 three-act, 262 researching, 71-72 two-act, 262 speed writing, 109 plot point 1, 255 Universal Joke Formula, plot point 2, 256 46-49 plots, 112 present tense, 151 Point of View. See POV presentations, 98 political comedy, 157 ending, 100 pop culture references, 55-56 flow, 99 positives, accentuating, 139-140 POV (Point of View), 46, 77 stand-alone jokes, 99 themes, 98 active, 83 tone, 99-100 audience identification, 84

print comedy, 5 articles, 6 captions, 7 cartoon books, 202 cartoons, 7 comedic voice, 78 humor books, 202 humorous fiction, 6-7 joke books, 8, 202 magazine articles, 205-206 newsletter articles, 205-206 newspaper articles, 205-206 nonfiction books, 203-204 novels, 201-202 website articles, 205-206 process scenes, 112 profanity, 61, 133-134 pronoun references, 149 props, 40 public speaking. See speeches publishers, 202

4 query letters novels, 201 periodicals, 205 screenplays, 195 sending, 185-186 tracking, 190 Quinones, Herb, 4

radio personalities, 274 rants, 38 reading jokes, 173 realities cartoons, 225 POV, 108 references (old jokes), updating, 159

Index 325 relating to audiences, 163-164 repetitions, editing, 151 representation, finding, 197 reprint rights, 206 researching premises, 71-72 publishers, 202 roasts, 280-281 resumes, 187 return to sameness (sitcoms), 230 revisiting ideas, 156-158 rewriting. See editing rhythms jokes, 96 old jokes, 160 selling comedy, 178 words, 131 rights (periodicals), 205 roasts, 280-281 romantic sitcoms, 242 running gags, 236

S SAG (Screen Actors Guild), 197 sample chapters, 204 sarcasm, 53 satires, 54 scenes process, 112 spec-scripts, 239 scenic conflicts, 231 scheduling writing, 27 Screen Actors Guild (SAG), 197 screenplays, 254 five points, 255-257 formatting, 257-258 professional feedback, 259 selling, 194 contests/festivals, 199 film industry, 194

money, 198 options, 198 pitches, 195 representation, 197 submissions, 195-196 synopsis, 195 talent, attaching, 197-198 treatments, 195 three-act structures, 2 54 scripts pilots, 242-243 selling, 193 spec-scripts, 231, 236 Act I, 237 Act II, 238 cold opens, 237 finishing, 246-247 formatting, 238-241 selecting, 241 tags, 238 teasers, 237 two-act structure, 237 selecting spec-scripts, 241 words, 60-61 self-publishing, 204 selling cartoon books, 202 comedy, 174, 184 agents and managers, 188-190 brevity, 175 buyers, 187-188 clarity, 176 completeness, 178 crispness, 175 edge, 175 editing, 177 emotions, 175 enthusiasm, 179 exciting, 179 finished writing, 175 flow, 177 focused, 179

funny material, 176 information included, 176 killer comedy, 176 language, 177 laughter, 176 marketable, 177 order, 177 originality, 176 quality, 177 query letters, 185-186 resumes, 187 rhythm, 178 styles, 178 synopsis, 186 targeted mailings, 191 testing, 178 tracking query letters, 190 tracking submissions, 191 Universal Joke Formula, 178 vision, 178 first contacts, 208 humor books, 202 joke books, 202 jokes, 206-208 magazine articles, 205-206 newsletter articles, 205-206 newspaper articles, 205-206 nonfiction books, 203-204 novels, 201-202 plays, 199-200 screenplays, 194 contests/festivals, 199 film industry, 194 money, 198 options, 198 pitches, 195 representation, 197 submissions, 195-196 synopsis, 195

326

The Complete Idiot's Guide to (omedy Writing

talent, attaching, 197-198 treatments, 195 scripts, 193 sitcoms, 199 website articles, 205-206 series treatments, 244 set descriptions, 244 settings novels, 220 show bibles, 245 sketches, 252 stories, 114 shades (POV), 108 shock humor audience matching, 166 pop culture references, 56 show bibles, 244 elements, 244-245 layout, 245-246 series treatments, 244 sight gags, 39 silence, 132 similes, 52 single-panel cartoons, 227-228 sitcoms, 10, 230 blame, placing, 232 buddy/friendship, 242 characters, 232-233 conflicts, 231 demographics, 230 dialogue, 233-234 family relationships, 242 hard comedy, 232 joke amount, 236 kids, 242 misfit, 242 narratives, 234-235 outlines, 243 pilots, 242-243 return to sameness, 230 romantic, 242 selling, 199 show bibles, 244-246

situations, 231 size, 230 soft comedy, 232 spec-scripts, 236 Act I, 237 Act II, 238 cold opens, 237 finishing, 246-247 formatting, 238-241 selecting, 241 tags, 238 teasers, 237 two-act structure, 237 stereotypes, 232 stock personalities, 232 subplots, 235-236 treatments, 243 work-related, 242 situations finding humor, 30-31 sitcoms, 231 sketches, 9, 250 characters, 251 conflicts, 251 descriptions, 252 dialogue, 252 elements, 250-253 formatting, 253 settings, 252 team comedy, 267 tips, 252 slips, 39 slug lines, 239 soft comedy, 232 soul searching, 63 speakers, 207-208 spec-scripts, 231, 236 Act I, 237 Act II, 238 cold opens, 237 finishing, 246-247 formatting, 238-241 character lists, 240 dialogue, 240 first page, 239

margins/layout, 238 page numbers, 239 scenes, 239 slug lines, 239 transitions, 240 selecting, 241 tags, 238 teasers, 237 two-act structure, 237 speeches, 13, 277 formatting, 280 occasions, 278 outlines, 278 speaker reads, 280 structure, 278-279 toasts, 282 speed writing, 109-110 spelling, 149 splintered subplots, 236 stage comedy, 9 comedic voice, 78 writing for stage, 272 stage directions, 261-262 stand-alone jokes, 3 5 insults, 37 one-liners, 36 party jokes, 3 5 stand-up comedy, 12, 269 performance, 270-271 scripts, 273 writing, 271-273 standard subplots, 236 starting plays, 260 state of being (characters), 82 stereotypes (sitcoms), 232 stock personalities, 232 stories, 111 adding to jokes, 116 characters, 113 conflict, 114-115 dialogue, 114 endings, 115 ingredients, 111 plots, 112 revising, 116

Index 327 settings, 114 structure, 112 story jokes, 37-38 straight man (team comedy), 267-268 structures plays, 262-264 speeches, 278-279 stories, 112 styles jokes, matching, 97 market definitions, 172-173 novel writing, 222 selling comedy, 178 show bibles, 245 subjects of jokes, 47-49 emotions, 72 knowledge, 68-69 submissions, 196 cartoons, 226 screenplays, 195 tracking, 191 subplots, 235-236 subtraction (editing), 146-147 surprises, 54, 90-91 synonyms, 53 synopsis, 186 novels, 201 screenplays, 195

T tags (sitcoms), 93, 238 talk show hosts selling jokes to, 207 writing for, 274 tangent lists, 109-110 targeted mailings, 191 team comedy, 11, 266 pacing, 268 rivals, 267 sketches, 267 storytellers, 267

straight man, 267-268 types, 267 teasers (sitcoms), 237 ten-minute plays, 263 testing comedy, 178 theater. See plays things in threes (twists), 53 three-act plays, 262 three-act structures, 254 tightening up long-form comedy, 148 toasts, 282 tone (presentations), 99-100 tools (writing), 22 top bananas, 275 topical comedy, 12 topical humor, 12, 168 toppers, 93 transitions, 151, 240 treatments pilot episodes, 244 screenplays, 195 series treatments, 244 sitcoms, 243 triggers (laughter) emotions, 16-17, 80 ending jokes, 62 extremes, 18 familiarity, 17 shock, 18 silliness, 19 wishes, 17 trips, 39 truths, 91 T V talk show hosts, 207, 274 tweaking material, 146 twists clarity, 92 details, 88-89 layering, 93-94 reworking, 89-90 surprises, 90-91 Universal Joke Formula, 46, 51-52 comparisons, 52

misdirections, 54-55 pop culture references, 55-56 word plays, 53-54 two-act plays, 262 two-act structures (specscripts), 237 types (comedy), 34 character jokes, 40-41 physical jokes, 39-40 stand-alone jokes, 35-37 story jokes, 37-38 terminology, 35

U-V umbrella conflicts, 231 uncommon POV, 84 unique humor, 169 Universal Joke Formula, 45-46 POV, 46, 49-51 premises, 46-49 twists, 46, 51-52 comparisons, 52 misdirections, 54-55 pop culture references, 55-56 word plays, 53-54 visual comedy, 56 updating old jokes, 159 variety acts, 275-276 visual comedy, 56, 173. See also cartoons vivid prose, 125-126

W-X-Y-Z weak verbs, replacing, 126 website articles, selling, 205-206

328

The Complete Idiot's Guide to (omedy Writing

websites agent reputability, 201 Bob Uecker Baseball Hall of Fame speech, 278 Internet Public Library, 205 Jeffrey Gurian, 280 Newslink, 205 NewsVoyager, 205 WGA, 197 Will Durst, 161 WGA (Writers Guild of America), 197 wide spectrum exercise, 165 word play twists, 53-54 words clean, 133-134 edgy material, 139 extra, 149 funny, 64 genres, 96 physical movements, 132 rhythm, 131 selecting, 60-61 silence, 132 simple, 130 vivid ideas, 126 work-related sitcoms, 242 Writer's Market, 205 Writers Guild of America (WGA), 197

About the Author Wherever there's laughter, you're sure to find Jim Mendrinos. Jim, a versatile comic and writer, lives just a stone's throw from New York's Kennedy Airport. (Although throwing stones at the airport is frowned upon.) He started writing and performing stand-up at the age of 19, sharing the stage with future stars such as Sam Kinison and Chris Rock. Jim has appeared on Comedy Central, performed at New York nightspots like The Comic Strip and Gotham Comedy Club, performed internationally, and is a regular entertainer aboard Carnival Cruse Lines. To find out when Jim is performing in your area, log on to www.jim-mendrinos.com. Jim is also a sought-after comedy writer, having written jokes for celebrity comedians and contributing jokes to many late-night television shows, including Saturday Night Livens "Weekend Update" featuring Colin Quinn. Jim's other T V credits include: USA Network Presents: The Problem Child starring Gilbert Godfrey, the documentary Hispanic Americans—the Next Generation hosted by Jimmy Smits, and Sarah Hughes: A Life in Balance, which aired on NBC. He was the head writer/associate producer for the wildly popular (and thoroughly trashy) Thunderbox, which featured MTV alumni Ricky Ratchman and Eric Nies. Jim has also optioned more film scripts than you can shake a stick at. (You shouldn't really shake a stick at Jim's scripts, because it makes him angry.) As a playwright, Jim's had more than 60 productions in New York City theaters. (Sixty theatrical productions add up to almost $183 in royalty money!) In addition, Jim is a teacher for Gotham Writers' Workshops, where he has taught film, theater, sitcom, and of course, comedy writing. Jim lives a quiet life with his wife, Leighann, in Queens, New York. He spends his day writing comedy, cooking, and screaming at the computer whenever it crashes.

ISBN 1-59257-231-6

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Learn how to ... You're no idiot, of course. People

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always tell you how funny you are, and you know you've got an observer's eye and a writer's touch. But the idea of stepping up to the mic—or rolling the dice on a writing career—has you drowning in flop sweat. Take your comic gifts to the bank! The Complete Idiot's Guide® to Comedy Writing is packed with great tips for crafting and cashing in on comedy. In this Complete Idiot's Guide®, you get: •

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Navigation tools for the inroads t o marketing and selling your comedy.

^

JAMES M E N D R I N O S is a New York-based writer and

**IM comedian and longtime comedy writing teacher for the Gotham Writers' Workshops. He is a former touring stand-up comic, touring the country with Chris Rock, Colin Quinn, and Sam Kinison, and appearing on Comedy Central. As a writer, he has worked with Rodney Dangerfield and Joan Rivers and has contributed jokes to

Find the funny in everything—especially yourself. Connect with your audience—and get them laughing. • Pick the best genre and format for your comedy. Craft the language to create rhythm and flow in your comedy. • Edit your work to a sharp edge—without cutting the comedy. Determine if you need an agent or manager and then find one. • Sell your writing to Broadway, Hollywood, or the best-seller list.

many late-night television shows, including Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update." He was the sole writer for USA Network Presents: The Problem Child, starring Gilbert Godfrey, and has written and con-

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tributed to numerous other network projects for MTV, NBC, and more.

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