Problem Postcards: Social, Emotional and Behavioural Skills Training for Disaffected and Difficult Children aged 7-11 (Lucky Duck Books)

Problem Postcards

Social, Emotional and Behavioural Skills Training for Disaffected and Difficult Children aged 7 to 11

Janine Koeries, Brian Marris and Tina Rae Illustrated by Mark Cripps

Lucky Duck is more than a publishing house and training agency. George Robinson and Barbara Maines founded the company in the 1980s when they worked together as a head and as a psychologist, developing innovative strategies to support challenging students. They have an international reputation for their work on bullying, self-esteem, emotional literacy and many other subjects of interest to the world of education. George and Barbara have set up a regular news-spot on the website at http://www. luckyduck.co.uk/newsAndEvents/viewNewsItems and information about their training programmes can be found at www.insetdays.com More details about Lucky Duck can be found at http://www.luckyduck.co.uk/ Visit the website for all our latest publications in our specialist topics 4 Emotional Literacy 4 Bullying 4 Circle Time 4 Asperger’s Syndrome

4 Self-esteem 4 Positive Behaviour Management 4 Anger Management 4 Eating Disorders

ISBN: 1-4129-1074-9 Published by Lucky Duck Paul Chapman Publishing A SAGE Publications Company 1 Oliver’s Yard 55 City Road London EC1Y 1SP SAGE Publications, Inc. 2455 Teller Road Thousand Oaks, California 91320 SAGE Publications India Pvt Ltd B-42, Panchsheel Enclave Post Box 4109 New Delhi 110 017 Commissioning Editor: George Robinson Editorial Team: Mel Maines, Sarah Lynch, Wendy Ogden Designer: Sarah Lynch © Janine Koeries, Brian Marris and Tina Rae 2005 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior, written permission of the publisher. Rights to copy pages marked as handouts, certificates or overhead foils are extended to the purchaser of the publication for his/her use. The right of the Author to be identified as Author of this work has been asserted by him/ her in accordance with the Copyright, Design and Patents Act, 1988.

Contents Introduction and Background

1

Aims of the Programme

4

Structure of the Programme

5

Structure of the Sessions

7

Setting up the Activities

8

Success Criteria

11

Introductory Session: One-to-one Interview

13

Session 1:

Getting Positive

25

Session 2:

Feeling Angry and Sad

33

Session 3:

Feeling Stressed

39

Session 4:

Caring and Sharing

47

Session 5:

Getting Motivated

55

Session 6:

Feeling Frightened

63

Session 7:

Managing Anger

71

Session 8:

In Control

79

Session 9:

Dealing with Aggression

85

Session 10: Respect and Empathy

91

Session 11: Coping with Change

99

Session 12: Mediation Skills

107

Session 13: Looking Forward

115

Session 14: Final Session

123

Bibliograph

131

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How to use the CD-ROM The CD-ROM contains a PDF file labelled ‘Worksheets.pdf ’ which contains worksheets for each session in this resource. You will need Acrobat Reader version 3 or higher to view and print these pages. The document is set up to print to A4 but you can enlarge the pages to A3 by increasing the output percentage at the point of printing using the page set-up settings for your printer. To photocopy the worksheets directly from this book, set your photocopier to enlarge by 125% and align the edge of the page to be copied against the leading edge of the copier glass (usually indicated by an arrow).

A note on the use of the words ‘family’ and ‘parents’ Many children do not live in conventional two-parent families. Some are looked after by the local authority and might have confusing and painful experiences. We often use the term ‘carer’ to identify the adults who look after such a child or young person. Sometimes ‘people you live with’ might be more appropriate than ‘family’. These phrases can make the text rather repetitive. Please use the words most suitable for the young people you work with.

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Introduction and Background Since the early 1990s there has been an increasing demand for resources and materials which help to promote and further develop children’s social, emotional and behavioural skills. This has, to some extent, been due to the wealth of research which highlights the importance of developing these skills (Apter 1997, Baker 1998, Goleman 1995). There is also the current government’s agenda of social inclusion which proposes that even the most difficult and socially unskilled pupils can be included within the mainstream school context. At this present time, this has taken shape in a variety of initiatives, including the Primary Behaviour and Attendance Pilot Project, which is part of the Primary National Strategy. Resources to promote and develop children’s social, emotional and behavioural skills are being piloted in 25 local education authorities across the country. However, although these resources provide a basic framework from which facilitators can develop the curriculum, there is clearly still a need for a range of thoughtful but easy to use resources and materials which the busy facilitator can access with the minimum of fuss and difficulty. There is also a recognised need for programmes and resources to specifically support those pupils who have been excluded during Key Stages 1 and 2 (ages 5 to 11) and have subsequently been referred to specialist provision, such as a Pupil Referral Unit. It is with the latter group of children in mind that the programme described in this book was developed and trialled successfully within one London local education authority. The programme was developed with a view to specifically targeting this group of children who will have experienced a great deal of upset, feelings of rejection and negative responses from both peers and adults in a range of other contexts. They may also have experienced some difficulties in the area of mental health and these may well be ongoing. Emotional Literacy and Mental Health Central to this particular programme and to any programme which purports to truly develop children’s social, emotional and behavioural skills, is the concept of emotional literacy. There is now a great deal of research which links children’s mental health and physical health to the development of emotional literacy (Goleman 1995, Grant 1992, Rudd 1998). The central aim of any such emotional literacy programme is that of developing pupils’ ability to recognise, label and cope with the range of feelings that they will experience on a daily basis. Coping with emotions is consequently a key objective of this particular 1

programme and these skills can clearly be seen to advantage children in all social contexts. Peter Sharp (2001) provides four reasons as to why emotional literacy must be promoted in children and those who care for them. He suggests that human beings need to: 1. recognise their emotions in order to be able to label and define them 2. understand their emotions in order to become effective learners 3. handle and manage their emotions in order to be able to develop and sustain positive relationships 4. appropriately express emotions in order to develop as rounded people who are able to help themselves and, in turn, those around them. This final reason suggests a link between emotional literacy and mental health. This is extremely important given the fact that the number of British children experiencing mental health has increased since the 1940s to an estimated one in five (The Big Picture, February 1999). Consequently, building emotional literacy and providing children with daily opportunities to develop their skills in this area will also simultaneously help to promote good mental health and nurture children’s ability to be resilient and to cope with the challenges that life may bring them. A Solution-focused Approach When developing this programme, the pupils involved were all junior age children who had been permanently excluded from their mainstream schools. They had all experienced a great deal of negativity in their lives both in and out of the school context and all of them exhibited low levels of self-esteem, confidence and self-management. Their poor pictures of themselves had been reinforced in many ways, tending to leave them feeling worthless, unloved and generally not good at anything at all. Defensive and aggressive behaviour towards others was frequently in evidence and most of the pupils appeared to be trapped in negative cycles of thinking and behaviour. In order to break such a cycle and to begin to develop their skills and increase their level of confidence and self-esteem, it was essential to ensure that the programme was based within a solution-focused framework and set of principles. As Rhodes and Ajmal state, ‘In supporting pupils, facilitators and parents in their wish to change what is happening, we have found no model of approaching behavioural difficulties more useful and flexible than solution-focused thinking. It enables a different story to be told, one which emphasises the skills, strengths and resources of those involved’ (1995, p.55).

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A central theme for each of the pupils involved was that of change. Working within such a framework allowed them to envisage life without ‘the problem’ and to engage in problem-free talk in order to identify personal qualities, strengths and skills which could be built upon further and subsequently allow them to move forwards in all areas. A central theme, which runs throughout all of the sessions, is that of solving problems and building upon any exceptions that the pupils may be able to identify from their own experiences. Using a Circle Time Approach In order to facilitate the use of solution-focused strategies and to build a strong group ethos and sense of responsibility, a Circle Time approach is utilised throughout each of the sessions in this programme. Facilitators have long used Circle Time approaches in order to develop whole school value systems, and to also teach pupils appropriate behaviours and a positive sense of identity and self-esteem (Bliss and Tetley 1993). As Warden and Christie (1997) suggest, ‘Circle Time can be not only a way to boost children’s self-esteem, but also a means by which to facilitate their exploration of ideas and their reflection on emotional and social experience’. Consequently, it is evident that regular use of a Circle Time approach can enable pupils to: 4 build new friendships and consolidate existing ones 4 create a sense of trust in one another 4 feel as if they belong to a group 4 develop self-esteem and self-confidence 4 further extend and develop their social skills in the areas of speaking and listening 4 develop a positive attitude and the motivation to succeed and effect change 4 develop personal resilience 4 develop empathy for others and promote understanding of others 4 further develop positive behaviours 4 become more assertive. It is important to note that Circle Time is not used here as a tool for discipline. In no sense would we adhere to the notion that sanctions and rewards should become part of the Circle Time process or procedures. Within this particular programme, the facilitator naturally becomes less authoritarian in order to promote individual pupils’ sense of responsibility and a notion that democracy is central to the process. Circle Time activities within the programme are designed 3

to provide pupils with ‘positive experiences of a kind that are pleasurable and rewarding and which help children to develop a sense of their own worth, together with the confidence that they can cope with life’s challenges’ (Rutter 1991, p.8). Consequently, we also feel that it is essential that all pupils have access to chairs for the Circle Time activities. They should not be required to sit on the floor or on a carpet as this does not really afford them the respect they deserve. Sitting on a chair, as adults would do, seems to reinforce this important symbolic message.

Aims of the Programme The programme aims to enhance pupils’ self-esteem alongside developing their social, emotional and behavioural skills. The aims of the programme are as follows: 4 to enable pupils to identify the feelings that they regularly experience and to gain a deeper understanding of them 4 to develop an emotional vocabulary 4 to develop a sense of self-esteem and self-worth 4 to further develop social skills and the ability to take turns and cooperate with others 4 to further improve listening skills 4 to further develop confidence in speaking in front of peers 4 to further increase empathy for others and an awareness of how personal feelings and behaviours can impact upon those around us 4 to develop a range of self-control strategies, learning to express anger and difficult emotions in a more appropriate manner 4 to improve self-knowledge 4 to encourage pupils to be reflective and to gain a greater understanding of consequences 4 to be able to recognise positive qualities in one’s self and in others 4 to be able to give and receive compliments and constructive feedback and criticism 4 to actually experience what it is to be positive and motivated in life 4 to experience what it is to feel good about oneself 4 to experience what it is to feel a sense of belonging to a supportive and friendly group 4

4 to respect and accept differences in order to promote a sense of equality 4 to affirm the validity of others’ positions and feelings 4 to encourage pupils to develop skills of conflict resolution and problem-solving 4 to develop the use of solution-focused strategies to particularly look for exceptions and positive points on which change can be built.

Structure of the Programme This programme is divided into 15 sections, the first of which provides an opportunity for each pupil to self-reflect. The remaining sessions last approximately 45 minutes to 1 hour and present a complete lesson, which generally adheres to a set structure for ease of delivery. The sessions are arranged in the following sequence: Introductory Session: This session provides each pupil with an individual mentoring time in which personal profiles are completed. Pupils are encouraged to envisage their ideal self and to set themselves a series of SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Time-related) targets for the duration of the course. This is also an opportunity for the facilitator to outline the course for each pupil and to highlight the fact that this is a positive opportunity for each individual to effect change and achieve success. Session 1 – Getting Positive: Pupils are introduced to the structure of each session and are asked to set the rules for Circle Time. Pupils are introduced to the problem-solving format in order to formulate solutions to a set problem: Cara’s low self-esteem and negative thinking. Pupils are encouraged to identify positive points and make use of mirror talk. Session 2 – Feeling Angry and Sad: Pupils consider Jason’s problem which is simultaneously making him feel both angry and sad: he has recently lost his grandfather. Pupils are introduced to a range of self-help strategies and once again make use of the problem-solving format in order to identify a way forward for Jason. Session 3 – Feeling Stressed: Pupils consider how to both recognise and combat stress and learn to identify the most useful strategies. They are also encouraged to empathise with others and to observe and read both the physical and emotional signals that others give off when they are in such a state. Session 4 – Caring and Sharing: Pupils consider how they show that they care for others and identify the qualities of a good friend. They are encouraged to recognise each other’s positive qualities in this area and to reward them accordingly. 5

Session 5 – Getting Motivated: This session encourages pupils to recognise the importance of self-motivation and the need to remain positive. They are introduced to a five-stepped approach to setting realistic targets. Session 6 – Feeling Frightened: Pupils consider when and why everyone may feel frightened at some point in their lives. There is a particular focus upon how others can intimidate us or bully us and how this can lead to a range of negative behaviour patterns. Pupils are encouraged to make use of a personal problem solver sheet in order to address individual problems. Session 7 – Managing Anger: Pupils are introduced to the idea of anger as an emotion which has evolutionary significance, i.e. the idea of the fight or flight response. They are encouraged to develop their own strategies alongside making use of stepped approaches introduced in the session. Session 8 – In Control: This session introduces pupils to the concept of locus of control and the idea that they may exhibit both internal and external control. The importance of gaining internal control is reinforced and children are made aware of the importance of accepting responsibility for one’s behaviour and in always striving to gain the best possible outcome. Session 9 – Dealing with Aggression: Pupils are introduced to the distinction between aggressive, assertive and passive behaviours and are given opportunities to practise assertive behaviours. Session 10 – Respect and Empathy: Pupils consider the notion of respect and the importance of affording respect to both oneself and to others. They are also introduced to the concept of empathy and the need to be able to successfully ‘put yourself in someone else’s shoes’. Session 11 – Coping with Change: Pupils consider the many changes that they may have experienced in their lives to date and the importance of flexibility and resilience. They are encouraged to consider how they will cope with a new school context and with making new friends. Session 12 – Mediation Skills: Pupils consider the importance of developing their own skills and particularly being able to ensure that conflicts are resolved via win-win situations. They are asked to practise their skills via a range of problem-solving activities. Session 13 – Looking Forward: This session encourages pupils to look forward to the future and to identify where they would like to be in the future, what they would like to be like and how they would like to feel, think and behave. Session 14 – Final Session: In this session the pupils are asked to evaluate the course and to consider what they have learnt so far. Each pupil completes a 6

self-evaluation and shares their own aims and vision with each other. They are also asked to set personal targets and agree to using strategies that will be most helpful to them in the future.

Structure of the Sessions Apart from the Introductory Session, each of the sessions is structured as follows: Circle Warm-up The initial Circle Warm-up usually takes the form of a game which helps to pull the group together and provide some initial enjoyment, setting a positive and fun tone for the subsequent activities. Circle Time Questions The central theme of the session is introduced via a series of questions. These are answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may be required to finish. However, we feel that it is essential and more democratic for the facilitator to also participate and provide the pupils with real life examples from their own experience. Problem Postcard A problem postcard is read out whilst pupils listen. Problem-solving Format The pupils then proceed to make use of the problem-solving format in order to solve each of the character’s problems. We would suggest that the facilitator record pupils’ views, which can be given in the circle context. Worksheet Activity Pupils complete the worksheet activity, which generally reinforces the concepts introduced in the session. We would suggest that these are stored in special folders that can be made up prior to the start of the course. Closing Compliments Each pupil pays a compliment to another pupil in order to ensure a positive close to the session.

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Setting up the Activities The sessions in this programme are set out in a very structured way. This is, however, not intended as any form of straitjacket and the creative facilitator may wish to adapt resources as they go along in tune with the responses of the individual pupils. However, for convenience and ease of use the framework provided does seem to be useful and facilitate the central objectives. It may be helpful for the facilitator to take note of the following points when setting up the activities. Size of Group The smallest feasible size of group is probably around six to eight pupils. The programme has to date been delivered with this size of group but it should be possible to deliver the majority of these sessions to a whole class if this is required. However, within the context of a busy classroom, the facilitator will have to ensure that additional time is allocated in order to cover each of the topics and to enable every child to participate fully in the circle activities and games. This may involve dividing sessions into two parts, each to be delivered at various times in the week on a staggered basis. Also we would suggest that the introductory session is adapted if the programme is delivered to a whole class and that the miracle interview is omitted. Resources The facilitator will need to read through the session plan to ensure that the appropriate resources are prepared. These include: 4 chairs or cushions set out in a circle 4 the talking object to pass around the circle, e.g. a large shell 4 a flip-chart and markers for the facilitator to write up the Circle Time questions 4 a copy of the problem postcard for the facilitator to read out 4 an enlarged copy of the problem-solving format for the facilitator to record the pupils’ responses 4 a copy of worksheet activities for each pupil 4 writing pencils; colouring pencils; felt tip pens and water colours as available and appropriate. Setting the Tone It is essential to set the tone for the sessions right at the start of the programme – in the introductory one-to-one sessions and in the first session. The pupils all need to feel part of a supportive group and to feel that they will be accepted and 8

valued. They will also need to be able to appreciate the skills and talents of their peers and to recognise that these sessions are intended as a positive means of effecting change and promoting their inclusion. The Circle Time Approach The good use of the Circle Time approach is the key to setting such a tone at the start of each session. The rules for Circle Time need to be agreed and owned by all pupils involved and these will also need to be reinforced at the start of every session. These will need to be modelled and reinforced by the facilitator and the pupils throughout each session. Rules for Circle Time may include some of the following: 4 Listen to each other; respect other people’s ideas. 4 Wait your turn to speak. 4 Speak when you have the talking object. 4 Pass if you want to. 4 Try to build on other people’s ideas. 4 Try to be positive and look for solutions. The Problem Postcard and Problem-solving Format The facilitator usually reads aloud the problem postcard prior to going through the problem-solving format with the group. During the latter activity we suggest that the facilitator scribes for the pupils in order to reduce stress levels and to prompt the pupils through the strategy. It is important to emphasise that the problem-solving format is solution-focused and that it doesn’t dwell on the problem but simply briefly describes it prior to identifying a way forward. Pupils are asked the following questions: 4 What is the problem? 4 How does the person feel? These questions identify listening or non-listening behaviours and aim to ensure that the pupils have a basic understanding of the problem. It is also important to encourage the pupils to empathise with the character in each of the scenarios and to consider how they would feel if they were in their shoes. Pupils are next asked to identify who might help and what they could do in order to help and to then think about different strategies that each of the characters might be able to use in order to move on and solve the problem. It is important to encourage the pupils to consider that they have options and can make choices. In this format they are asked to identify three different options or ways forward for each of the characters and to then identify which one would seem 9

to be the best. This is an opportunity for the facilitator to introduce and then continually reinforce the notion of best possible outcome, i.e. whatever you do and however you act, the idea should be that you want to achieve what is best both for yourself and for those around you. This means being reflective and choosing the option that would seem to get the most positive results. In the final part of the problem-solving format, the pupils are asked to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved – what will actually be different for them? This is extremely important as pupils will subsequently be asked to visualise themselves without the problem and to describe how they will feel and what will be different for them in new situations. Worksheet Activities The Worksheet activities are designed to provide a set activity or activities for each session, which generalise and reinforce the concepts being taught. Some degree of recording is usually required with a balance between illustrations and writing. Some pupils may require more support than others when completing these sheets and facilitators will need to consider how this support can be provided. In our experience, we have found that buddy and peer support is a particularly powerful tool in the context of a smaller group, particularly when many of the pupils have some difficulties. Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be useful for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive.

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Success Criteria It is important that pupils are carefully monitored whilst participating in the course and some pupils may require some additional one-to-one support and opportunities to discuss their feelings outside of the group context. Of course, the programme itself cannot and does not provide any guarantee of increasing pupils’ social, emotional and behavioural skills but we are certain that it can, and does, provide pupils with opportunities to develop their skills and to practise them in a range of social contexts. It is important that the programme is seen as only one part of the whole-school approach to developing pupils’ social, emotional and behaviour skills and that this is done within an emotionally literate context in which adults model the behaviours and authentic emotional responses that they wish to see in the children. We would suggest that facilitators refer to the list of aims in the introduction in order to assess individual pupils’ progress and to attempt to evaluate how far they have developed in each of these key areas. It may also be helpful to ask other members of staff in the school institution for feedback as to whether or not they see each pupil having developed the skills. It would also be helpful to ensure that parents are made aware of the contents of the course and introduced to the strategies and information made available to the children. All the pupils can be encouraged to share their experiences with parents/carers and to attempt to transfer the skills learnt into the home context. In order to achieve this it may be helpful to provide the parents/carers with a session in which the course is described and discussed and specific strategies are introduced prior to delivering the programme to the pupils. Alternatively, it may be more cost effective to send a letter to each parent/carer in order to describe the course and its aims. Looking Forward In our experience, it is very important that the pupils who have been involved in this group intervention continue to have access to support once the course is finished. Consequently, we would advise some form of mentoring scheme and/ or further involvement of parents/carers in working with the school to develop appropriate support systems. The pupils will continue to need reinforcement and prompting and opportunities to generalise the skills they have learnt into a range of other contexts. This programme will, hopefully, have provided pupils with the opportunity to develop their social, emotional and behavioural skills whilst also providing them with some real ‘listening time’. Transferring to a new school or placement subsequent to completing the course needs to be handled with great sensitivity and care and an appropriate transfer action plan should be put into place. Incorporating mentoring and further group work, which builds upon the skills learnt here, will generally be advisable for most pupils. 11

This programme has been developed and made use of with small groups of pupils in a Pupil Referral Unit but we recognise that the resources could be appropriate for many children within mainstream contexts who are currently experiencing difficulties in developing their skills and maintaining appropriate behaviours. The programme provides a basic structure, which can be further built upon, and we hope that colleagues will enjoy using the resources and differentiating them to meet the needs of their own groups of pupils. What is important is to ensure that any developments and future support systems are developed within an emotionally literate context in which the pupils’ and adults’ needs and skills are both met and developed.

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Introductory Session One-to-one Interview This introductory session consists of a one-to-one interview between the pupil and the course facilitator. The interview should last approximately 1 hour and should enable the pupil to focus upon what actually works as opposed to what is going on, i.e. utilising a solution-focused approach. The main aim of this session is to support the pupil in defining some realistic goals alongside clarifying the kinds of practical resources he or she might require in order to achieve these goals in the future. The interview should take place in a quiet and comfortable room and the pupil should be made aware that the interview will be confidential, and that their views, thoughts and feelings will not be fed back to other members of staff, parents and carers unless at the request of the individual pupil. An obvious exception to this rule would be if any of the pupils declared themselves to be at risk. It is essential that the course facilitator clarify this point with pupils prior to the start of the interview. The interview utilises brief therapy strategies and approaches that focus on the development of solutions as opposed to the exploration of problems. This should allow for each pupil to also build up a positive relationship with the course facilitator within a safe and secure context. The facilitator should record the pupils’ responses in note form on the one-to-one interview format. This format is designed to be a stress-free means of recording and pupils should not be required to write anything down apart from, possibly, their name on the front cover of the form. As previously stated in the introduction, it may not be feasible to undertake these individual interviews if the programme is to be delivered to a whole class. The course facilitator will need to decide whether or not to omit this part of the session and this will obviously be dependant upon the local context and available resources.

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Part 1 Personal Profile Part 1 of the form focuses on identifying personal qualities. The pupil can be photographed using a digital camera and this photo can be stuck in the frame on the front cover of the form. This helps to personalise the activity immediately and makes the pupil aware that this is a special process and something unique to him or herself. The pupil can record his or her name; date of birth; year group and the date that the form is completed. Alternatively, the facilitator may wish to record these details. The facilitator then asks the pupil the following two questions: 1. What do you feel good about at the moment? 2. What do you not feel so good about? The idea here is not to focus entirely upon ‘the bad bits’ but to move swiftly onto Part 2 of the interview in which the pupil has the opportunity to move forward, seeing how he or she may move from not feeling so good about things to being more positive, optimistic and consequently capable of change.

Part 2 A Miracle Day In this part of the interview, the pupil is asked the miracle question. The pupils are asked to imagine themselves in a situation in which all their problems and negative feelings or difficulties are solved. They are asked to describe the perfect, miracle day in which everything goes well in all contexts. In order to support younger pupils in this activity, a series of questions are posed: 1. What will be the first thing you see? 2. What will you feel like? 3. What will you have for breakfast and who will make it? 4. How will you get to school? 5. What will happen in the playground? 6. What will your teacher say and do? 7. What lessons will you have and how will you do? 8. How will you get on at breaktime? 9. What will your lunch-time be like? 10. What will you eat and who will you play with? 11. What lessons will you have in the afternoon and how will you do? 14

12. How will you get home? 13. What will you do in the evening? 14. What will you eat? 15. Where will you go and who with? 16. What time will you go to bed and who will you see just before you go to sleep? Pupils are required to answer each of the questions in turn and the facilitator can record these on the interview format. The idea here is to enable the pupils to begin to visualise ‘life without the problem’ (De Shazar 1988, Furman and Ahola 1992). Once the pupils begin to talk about life without the problem it is hoped that they can then begin to formulate suggestions and ideas as to how they might begin to make changes and identify who may also be able to help them in this process of change. The idea here is to encourage them to reflect upon the differences between the miracle day and the normal day and to identify SMART targets by which they can move further towards the miracle day as opposed to maintaining a negative position and one in which change is not possible. Pupils are also encouraged to record their miracle day by completing a drawing in which they identify how they and others around them look, feel, think and behave on such a day. The facilitator will need to emphasise to pupils that this magic day does not preclude them from attending school. The idea here is for them to describe school as they would really like it to be, i.e. without problems and difficulties both for themselves and for those around them. Identifying how this miracle day is different from a usual day should aid in identifying and clarifying the resources that the individual pupil needs in order to successfully implement the change process.

Part 3 Measure Up: The Scaling Activity Pupils are finally asked to rate themselves on a scale of 1 to 10, making use of the visual scale presented in the final part of the interview format. On this scale, 1 would equal not feeing too good about things, 5 would equal feeling okay about things and 10 equals feeling brilliant about everything. This rating system will need to be explained to each pupil prior to starting the activity and once pupils have identified where they are on the scale, they can then also identify the things that they have previously done or are currently doing in order to have reached this point.

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Pupils are then asked to identify where they would really like to be on this scale in the future and to then clarify the things that they need to do in order to get there. This enables each pupil to identify personal targets and those who might be able to help them in achieving these goals. Finally, each pupil is asked to identify when they will review their targets and who they will do this with. This review process needs to be at the discretion of the course facilitator. For some pupils, initially it may be necessary to review targets on a regular basis, i.e. weekly, whereas for others it may be possible to review targets on a two or three weekly basis. However this is arranged it is important that pupils feel supported and feel that they have access to ongoing mentoring throughout the course. Consequently, we have found it useful to utilise the scaling activity on a weekly basis with pupils involved in this particular course in order to ensure that targets remain appropriate and that support systems are truly effective. Example: Part 1 Personal Profile When completing the personal profile, Connor aged 9, responded in the following way: What do you feel good about at the moment? “The Tuition Centre is alright. My mum is better because I’m going to school. She doesn’t get phone calls everyday so she’s not stressed by me. My teacher is alright. She doesn’t shout.” What do you not feel so good about? “My mum and dad splitting up and I’m getting excluded from St. Vincent’s. I know I did wrong but other people did worse than me. My teacher didn’t like me. I am still angry about all of that.” Example: Part 2 A Miracle Day What will be the first thing you see? “I will see a great big telly and video, a computer and new computer games and everything will be neat and no rubbish anywhere.” What will you feel like? “Happy because I have got good stuff.” What will you have for breakfast and who will make it? “A fry-up and my mum will make it.” How will you get to school? “In a limo.” What will happen in the playground? 16

“People will ask me to play with them and I will score and it will be good.” What will your teacher say to you? “My teacher will say hello and how are you and she will be nice to me.” What lessons will you have and how will you do? “I’ll get Literacy and then Numeracy but it won’t be boring and I will be able to do the work. I will understand and the teacher will say it is good.” How will you get on at breaktime? “I’ll play football and have a good game – I will score more goals and it will be good.” What will your lunch-time be like? What will you eat and who will you play with? “Lunch will be good. I will eat a McDonalds and fries and a diet coke and I will play with my mate’s football.” What lessons will you have in the afternoon and how will you do? “I’ll have swimming all afternoon and I will win every race.” How will you get home? “In my limo.” What will you do in the evening? “Play out and go to Warner Brothers.” What will you eat? “McDonalds and fries and a pizza and a litre of diet coke.” Where will you go and who with? “I will go to Warner Brothers with my mum and my dad and my brother.” What time will you go to bed and who will you see just before you go to sleep? “I will go to bed at 11 o’clock and my mum will switch off my lights so I will see her.” How is this different to a normal day? “My room will be messy and I won’t have all that big computer, just my normal one. I’ll feel sad because I won’t want to go to school. I won’t have breakfast because it will be too late and I’ll have got up too late. My mum won’t make it because she has to go to work and has to get her make-up on. 17

I’ll walk to school. I’ll have a fight in the playground normally and the teacher will tell me off. I won’t be good at my lesson because I won’t understand it and it will be too hard. At breaktimes I will get into a fight because people will foul me in the football game and I will get the blame. Lunch-time will be the same – people won’t play with me and I will end up on my own. In the afternoon we won’t have swimming all afternoon but probably more writing. I’ll walk home and then I will play out. I’ll eat a normal dinner and I won’t go out because my mum’s grounded me because I got excluded. I will go to bed at 9.30 but I won’t see anyone because my mum will be watching telly with my big brother.” Example: Part 3 Measure Up – The Scaling Activity Connor said: I am on Point 4 and these are the things I have done in order to get there: 4

I am trying hard at my work.

4

I haven’t been in trouble since I have been in my new school apart from twice.

4

I am listening to the teacher.

4

The work is a bit better here.

I would like to be on Point 10 in the future. These are things I need to do in order to get there: Target 1 – I need to get up on time so I can get breakfast and my mum won’t get angry. Target 2 – I need to stop blaming other people when I have done it. Target 3 – I need to stay in my seat and ignore other people being silly. Target 4 – I need to learn to take turns in football and admit when I failed. These are people who can help me: Mr Johnson, then Jo and my mum. I will review my targets on the 16th March with Mr Johnson. 18

Personal Profile All About Me

Personal Facts Name

Date of Birth

Year Group

Today’s Date

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Personal Profile Miracle Interview What do you feel good about at the moment?

What do you feel not so good about?

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A Miracle Day Imagine that you go to bed at night and a miracle happens! Someone or something waves a magic wand over you and all your problems disappear. You wake up to the most perfect day and everything is brilliant – including school.

Stop, think and reflect. What will be the first thing you see?

What will you feel like?

What will you have for breakfast and who will make it?

How will you get to school?

What will happen in the playground?

What will your teacher say and do?

What lessons will you have and how will you do?

How will you get on at breaktime?

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A Miracle Day (cont.) What will your lunch-time be like?

What will you eat and who will you play with?

What lessons will you have in the afternoon and how will you do?

How will you get home?

What will you do in the evening?

What will you eat?

Where will you eat?

Where will you go and who with?

What time will you go to bed and who will you see just before you go to sleep?

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My Miracle Day

Draw what your miracle day will be like in the picture frame. How will you look, feel, think and behave? How will your friends and teachers look, feel, think and behave?

Stop, think and reflect. How is this different to a normal day?

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Measure Up! Look at the scale and circle where you are now: (1– not feeling too good about things, 5 – feeling OK about things, 10 – feeling brilliant about everything)

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

These are the things I have done in order to get there:

I would like to be on point

in the future.

These are things I need to do in order to get there: Target 1: Target 2: Target 3: Target 4: These are the people who can help me:

I will review my targets on

Signed

24

with

Dated

8

9

10

Session 1: Getting Positive

Group Session - 45 minutes to 1 hour At the very start of the session it is essential to set group rules and to briefly focus upon the main objectives of the Problem Postcard course. It will be important to create a positive climate and to ensure all of the pupils involved in this course understood that the aim is to provide them with useful strategies and ideas which will help them to effect changes and manage themselves more effectively in a range of contexts. It may be helpful to highlight some of the following points: 4 Pupils can work together in order to help each other effect change and manage their behaviour more effectively. 4 Having opportunities to share, take turns and interact in this way should help each pupil develop their social, emotional and behavioural skills. 4 The group is intended as a supportive framework that is confidential and builds upon pupils’ strengths rather than emphasising their weaknesses. 4 Pupils are encouraged to recognise unhelpful patterns of behaviour and to develop their own self-help strategies in order to cope more effectively in the school context. 4 It is hoped that pupils will increase their ability to socialise and cooperate within a group and to support and empathise with others. 4 It is hoped that pupils will become more motivated to achieve and more confident in their own ability to cope more effectively in the future. 4 Pupils will also have opportunities to develop problem-solving skills, anger management strategies and the ability to reflect upon behaviours. 4 Setting the group rules will naturally lead on from these objectives and it is very important to allow pupils time to discuss and agree their own set of rules so as to ensure ownership of them. This will also help to ensure that everyone adheres to them in each of the following sessions.

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These group rules might include the following: 4 We agree to keep our discussions private to the group and not to talk about our conversations outside. 4 We will all try to contribute and think of ideas in every session. 4 We won’t put each other down. 4 We will try to work together and respect each other’s point of view. 4 We will be kind to each other and support each other. 4 No one will be pushed into making a contribution they don’t want to. 4 We will try to be positive and think of solutions rather than to be negative. Once these group rules have been set the facilitator can record them on the appropriate worksheet provided in the session plan. Alternatively, pupils may wish to design their own posters to illustrate rules. It will be essential to reinforce group rules throughout the session and at the start of each subsequent session. Circle Warm-up As for all subsequent sessions, the pupils will be seated in the circle ready to start the session. In the initial warm-up the pupils are asked to change places in the circle if, for example: 4 you have laces in your shoes 4 you like Busted 4 you like playing football 4 you like eating fruit 4 you hate vegetables 4 you love vegetables 4 you like chocolate. The reasons for changing places can be varied by the facilitator as appropriate. Circle Time Questions The central theme of the session is introduced via a series of questions. These are answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may be required to finish. We feel that it is essential for the facilitator to participate and provide the pupils with real life examples from their own experience. 26

The questions can be recorded on a flip-chart or, alternatively, asked by the facilitator. These are as follows: 4 What makes me feel happy? 4 What makes me feel sad? 4 When did you last feel lonely? 4 How can we help someone who feels lonely? Problem Postcard The facilitator then reads the problem postcard to the group. Cara’s problem is that she feels lonely, friendless and ugly. In fact, she is finding it quite difficult to feel positive about anything or anyone and has now decided that she simply doesn’t want to go to school. She asks the pupils in the group to give her some advice and help her overcome her current difficulties. Problem-solving Format The pupils are then encouraged to make use of the five-stepped problem-solving format in order to address Cara’s problem. This involves: 1. Identifying the problem and further clarifying how the person concerned feels. 2. Identifying those who might help and what they might be able to do. 3. Identifying possible strategies and listing three options. 4. Asking the pupils to agree on the best option and to give a reason for this. 5. Asking the pupils to make use of visualisation strategies in order to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will actually be different for him or her. Once again, the facilitator can record pupils’ responses on the problem-solving format, which can be enlarged to A3 size, or the headings can be written up on to a flip-chart. Worksheet Activity This activity introduces pupils to a self-esteem building strategy called ‘mirror talk’. As in the introductory session, pupils have photos taken of themselves and these can be placed in the picture frame. Around this space pupils are asked to write down five positive points about themselves eliciting support from friends or a teacher as necessary. They are then encouraged to look in the mirror at home every day and to recite these positive points to themselves aloud and to smile and be kind to themselves, i.e. attempting to remain positive and seeing 27

the best in themselves is the best way forward in terms of remaining motivated and subsequently effecting change. Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive. It would also be helpful to reinforce these positives by encouraging pupils to identify one thing that each member of the group has done well in the session. This could take the form of a Golden Scroll for each pupil (particularly if the group is small in number, e.g. between 6-8 pupils). For this activity, the facilitator needs to obtain a large piece of paper, approximately one metre in length and a large gold marker pen. The name of the pupil can be written at the top of the paper and the facilitator then can go around the circle asking each pupil to say something nice about the pupil whose scroll it is. They can choose an attribute or a specific skill or something that the pupil has done well in the session. Then, with the appropriate ceremony, the scroll can be awarded to the named pupil. As time constraints will not allow for each pupil to be awarded a golden scroll in each session, the facilitator may wish to identify, or ask the whole group to nominate, one or more pupils at the end of each session. It will be important to keep a record of this activity so as to ensure that all involved pupils have been awarded a golden scroll by the end of the course.

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Our Group Rules For Problem Postcards Sessions

We will try to keep our rules. Signed

29

Problem Postcard Hello, My name is Cara, I am 8 years old and I live in Cape Town. Do you know where that is? It’s a great place to be because we have such lovely beaches although you have to watch for sharks. Anyway, the reason that I am writing to you is because I feel so sad. At school, no one seems to want to be my friend and I think it’s because they think I’m so ugly and gawky. My mum says the same thing. She thinks that I’m just a bean pole and always tells me I’m useless at stuff like helping her in the house and at reading and writing. I try my best but I just can’t do things as well as the other kids and I think that because they think I’m dumb and ugly they don’t want to be my friend. It’s got so bad that I just don’t want to go to school. Everyone I know just makes me feel bad about myself. What can I do? Can you help me? Please let me know

Cara XXX

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Problem-solving Format 1. What is the problem? How does the person feel?

2. Who might help? What could they do?

3. What strategies can the person use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. The best is option

because

5. How will the person know that the problem is solved? What will be different?

31

Mirror Talk Write down five positive points about yourself around the mirror. Ask a friend and your teacher to help you. Look in the mirror every day and say these positive points aloud to yourself and smile and be kind to yourself!

Put your photo here!

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Session 2: Feeling Angry and Sad

Circle Warm-up Plasticine Statues – This activity emphasises how important it is for the pupils to look at body language and to begin to recognise how people feel or may be feeling from the way they stand and move. Pupils are put into pairs around the circle and labelled A and B. The A’s are told to stand up and look like aggressive/ angry statues. Once all the A’s have become cross statues, their partners can walk silently around the circle looking at the gallery of cross statues. Then the facilitator can ask each of the B’s to remodel the statues into something gentle and calm. Once they have been remodelled the B’s can again walk around the circle and notice the difference in the statues. Circle Time Questions The central theme of the session is introduced via a series of questions. These are answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may be required to finish. We feel that it is essential for the facilitator to also participate and provide the pupils with real life examples from their own experience. The questions can be recorded on a flip-chart or, alternatively, asked by the facilitator. These are as follows: 4 What makes me feel angry? 4 When have I felt angry and sad at the same time? 4 How can I help myself when I feel like this? Problem Postcard The facilitator can read the problem postcard to the pupils as they remain seated in the circle. This particular problem comes from Jason who has recently lost his Grandfather. He is feeling extremely upset and angry. His Grandfather had cancer and had been ill over a three-year period. Now Jason is feeling sad all of the time and is finding that he can’t work in school. He is also feeling that no one else can help him because his parents are also extremely sad. Once again, the pupils are asked to help with this problem. 33

It will be extremely important for the facilitator to be aware of any pupils in the group or class who have recently lost a family member, or have someone who is very ill or about to die in their family. It would be a good idea to discuss the nature and content of the session with them so as to give them the opportunity to withdraw from the session if they so wish. Problem-solving Format The pupils are then encouraged to make use of the five-stepped problem-solving format in order to address Jason’s problem. This involves: 1. Identifying the problem and further clarifying how the person concerned feels. 2. Identifying those who might help and what they might be able to do. 3. Identifying possible strategies and listing three options. 4. Asking the pupils to agree on the best option and to give a reason for this. 5. Asking the pupils to make use of visualisation strategies in order to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will actually be different for him or her. Once again, the facilitator can record pupils’ responses on the problem-solving format, which can be enlarged to A3 size, or the headings can be written up on to a flip-chart. Worksheet Activity This worksheet activity reinforces the fact that we can all sometimes feel angry and sad simultaneously and that this can be an extremely uncomfortable experience. The main aim here is to introduce a range of self-help strategies. These are recorded on Jason’s ‘post it’ notes and the pupils are asked to tick against any strategies that they might use. They are finally asked to talk to a friend about a time when they felt sad and angry at the same time and to identify the factor that contributed to this state. Pupils are asked to describe how things turned out and to further reflect upon the situation, identifying anything that they might do differently next time in order to achieve a better outcome for themselves.

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Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive. It would also be helpful to reinforce these positives by encouraging pupils to identify one thing that each member of the group has done well in the session. This could take the form of a Golden Scroll for each pupil (particularly if the group is small in number, e.g. between 6-8 pupils). For this activity, the facilitator needs to obtain a large piece of paper, approximately one metre in length, and a large gold marker pen. The name of the pupil can be written at the top of the paper and the facilitator then can go around the circle asking each pupil to say something nice about the pupil whose scroll it is. They can choose an attribute or a specific skill or something that the pupil has done well in the session. Then, with the appropriate ceremony, the scroll can be awarded to the named pupil. As time constraints will not allow for each pupil to be awarded a golden scroll in each session, the facilitator may wish to identify, or ask the whole group to nominate, one or more pupils at the end of each session. It will be important to keep a record of this activity so as to ensure that all involved pupils have been awarded a golden scroll by the end of the course.

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Problem Postcard Hello, My name is Jason. I am nine years old and I live in Brighton. Have you ever been there? It’s by the sea so we have a big pebble beach and lots of people come and visit – especially in the summer. Anyway, the reason that I’m writing to you is because I feel so upset and angry. Last week my Granddad died. He had cancer and he had been ill for the last three years. He got ill just after my 6th birthday and it was horrible for everyone in the family. It was a big shock. He had to go to hospital every month or every three weeks for chemotherapy. It made him go bald. I always loved him and he always told me jokes and stories. He was always a kind man and I couldn’t understand why he should get so ill. He felt so bad over the last few weeks and he was sick every day. I feel so angry – he shouldn’t have got ill. It’s not fair. If he had been horrible maybe that would be okay. I really miss him and so does my mum. She looked after him and had to wash him every day. He had to take lots of drugs and they made him feel so sleepy before he died, he couldn’t even say goodbye. I couldn’t tell him how much I loved him and would miss him. Now I just want him back. I feel sad all the time and can’t work at school. No one can help me and I can’t tell mum or dad because they are just so sad too. What can I do? Can you help me?

Jason

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Problem-solving Format 1. What is the problem? How does the person feel?

2. Who might help? What could they do?

3. What strategies can the person use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. The best is option

because

5. How will the person know that the problem is solved? What will be different?

37

Angry and Sad Sometimes we can feel angry and sad at the same time. It can be very uncomfortable. We can help ourselves in different ways. Look at Jason’s Post-it notes. Tick the strategies you might use.

Think of something

Go and do

funny or something

some exercise

that made me feel

to burn away the

happy before.

unhappiness.

Tell myself to stop and think so I can make a plan for myself.

Write down why I’m sad and angry and then work out my plan.

Count to 10, 20, Listen to calm

100 and take deep

music in a quiet place.

breaths.

Talk to a friend about it. Think of a

Talk through

time when you felt sad and angry

the problem

at the same time. Why was this?

with someone

What did you do? How did things

I trust.

turn out? Would you do anything differently next time?

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Session 3: Feeling Stressed

Circle Warm-up Bin it – In this activity the facilitator spreads a large sheet of newspaper out in the centre of the circle. Each of the pupils is given a piece of paper and a pencil and asked to think about something that they feel particularly bad about having done in the last couple of weeks. It needs to be something that they now wish that they could apologise for. For example, the pupils may have teased, cussed, laughed at or ignored someone. The facilitator may like to give some prompts or ideas at this point and then to give the pupils at least a minute’s thinking time. They can write or draw their thoughts on to the piece of paper. Next, they are encouraged to complete the sentence, “I am really sorry that I ...(they read out what is on their piece of paper)… I wished that I hadn’t done this or behaved like this”. The facilitator can ask the pupils to place their piece of paper on to the sheet of newspaper as they make their statement. Once each of the pupils has spoken and placed their paper on to the sheet of newspaper the facilitator can emphasise the fact that it is always possible to say sorry and to make a fresh start. The papers can then be wrapped up in the newspaper, scrunched together and thrown into the bin by the facilitator. This symbolic gesture will help to reinforce the fact that we can all move on, we can all change and we can all have a fresh start. No one should feel that they don’t deserve it or are not entitled to this. Circle Time Questions The central theme of the session is introduced via a series of questions. These are answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may be required to finish. However, we feel that it is essential for the facilitator to also participate and provide the pupils with real life examples from their own experience.

39

The questions can be recorded on a flip-chart or, alternatively, asked by the facilitator. These are as follows: 4 What is stress? 4 What does it mean to me? 4 What makes me feel stressed? 4 How can I cope better with stress? 4 What strategies could I use? 4 How can we help someone who feels stressed? Problem Postcard This problem comes from Joe whose mum is currently experiencing a high level of stress due to the fact that she spilt up with Joe’s dad four months previously. It seems that Joe’s parents have been arguing for a long time prior to the spilt and there have been lots of fights. Joe’s dad has since got a new girlfriend and his mum is now finding this extremely difficult. She seems to be upset and crying all of the time and doesn’t want to get out of bed. Joe is incredibly worried about his mum because she looks thin and tired and she seems to be so sad all of the time. The pupils are asked to consider ways that Joe may be able to help his mum and himself. Problem-solving Format The pupils are then encouraged to make use of the five-stepped problem-solving format in order to address Joe’s problem. This involves: 1. Identifying the problem and further clarifying how the person concerned feels. 2. Identifying those who might help and what they might be able to do. 3. Identifying possible strategies and listing three options. 4. Asking the pupils to agree on the best option and to give a reason for this. 5. Asking the pupils to make use of visualisation strategies in order to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will actually be different for him or her. Once again, the facilitator can record pupils’ responses on the problem-solving format, which can be enlarged to A3 size, or the headings can be written up on to a flip-chart.

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Worksheet Activity There are two worksheets in this session, both of which aim to introduce and reinforce stress management strategies. The first worksheet is entitled ‘Stressed Out’ and requires pupils to assess if they think they could make use of one of Joe’s stress management strategies. Pupils are then asked to identify some of their own strategies and to write these on the empty bats of the sheet. Finally, the pupils are asked to find out if they would use the same strategy as a friend. This final activity is intended to reinforce the fact that stress is person specific as are ways in which we deal with it. The next worksheet is entitled ‘Helping Hands’ and is intended to reinforce the importance of developing empathy. It is also intended to build upon the positive ethos of the group and the notion of the group as a supportive and nurturing framework in which pupils can jointly solve individual problems. Five problem situations are recorded on the sheet and pupils are asked to identify ways in which they could help each individual concerned. The pupils are finally asked to consider a time when they felt stressed and to identify why this situation arose, what happened and whether anyone helped them. They are finally asked to consider what they may do differently in the same situation next time. Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive.

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It would also be helpful to reinforce these positives by encouraging pupils to identify one thing that each member of the group has done well in the session. This could take the form of a Golden Scroll for each pupil (particularly if the group is small in number, e.g. between 6-8 pupils). For this activity, the facilitator needs to obtain a large piece of paper, approximately one metre in length and a large gold marker pen. The name of the pupil can be written at the top of the paper and the facilitator then can go around the circle asking each pupil to say something nice about the pupil whose scroll it is. They can choose an attribute or a specific skill or something that the pupil has done well in the session. Then, with the appropriate ceremony, the scroll can be awarded to the named pupil. As time constraints will not allow for each pupil to be awarded a golden scroll in each session, the facilitator may wish to identify, or ask the whole group to nominate, one or more pupils at the end of each session. It will be important to keep a record of this activity so as to ensure that all involved pupils have been awarded a golden scroll by the end of the course.

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Problem Postcard Hello, My name is Joe and I live in Belfast. Do you know where that is? It’s in Northern Ireland. So you’d have to travel by boat or plane if you were from England and wanted to visit me. I like skateboarding – it’s the thing that I do every day after school and I’m quite good at it now. It always makes me feel happy and forget about my problems. I do have some problems just like all my mates do but one thing is bugging me the most at the moment. My mum! Usually she is really kind and nice to all of us but four months ago my dad left home. They had been arguing for ages and have lots of fights. They just didn’t want to be around each other. Then my dad decided to get a new girlfriend and my mum just went mad. She cut all the sleeves off his shirts and jackets and threw all his cycling gear on the rubbish tip. Then she went quiet and didn’t talk for a bit but now she’s just stressed. She keeps on crying and doesn’t want to get out of bed in the morning and she forgets to get us up for school. She doesn’t feel like cooking either and just tells us to open a tin of baked beans when we get home from school. I am worried about her because she looks thin and tired and she is sad all the time. How can I help her and stop her being so stressed? What can I do? Can you help? Please,

Joe

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Problem-solving Format 1. What is the problem? How does the person feel?

2. Who might help? What could they do?

3. What strategies can the person use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. The best is option

because

5. How will the person know that the problem is solved? What will be different?

44

Stressed Out Joe has written some of his stress busters in the bats! He is trying to help his mum to feel better. Colour in the bats if you think you can use the strategy. Make up some of your own strategies and write them in the empty bats.

Ask your doctor for some help. Go to a quiet place…. Have a bath and listen to some music.. Go jogging. Think funny – tell a joke and have a laugh.

Go on a skateboard and get some stress out. Find a friend and talk it through Do relaxation in a calm place.

Which stress buster would you use? Would your friend use the same ones? Discuss together.

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Helping Hands How can you help your friends if they feel stressed? Look at the problem cards and record your strategies next to each one. Your friend has got to move house and leave the school. He is getting nervous and stressed because he finds it hard to make friends and he will miss you a lot.

Your friend is stressed about the maths test. He thinks he will fail.

Your friend is feeling stressed because two older boys are bullying him and taking his money after school.

Think about a time when you feel stressed. Why? What happened? Did anyone help you? Work with a friend. Tell them about the situation and then listen to their story. Finally, would you do anything different in the same situation next time.

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Session 4: Caring and Sharing

Circle Warm-up The Fish Game – The facilitator can move the chairs so that the circle is horseshoe shaped. This will allow the pupils to move outside of the circle. The facilitator allocates each pupil a different fish name, for example, cod, hake, squid, octopus, halibut. The pupils are then given instructions by the facilitator. For example, on hearing the command “the tide’s out squid”, the squid have to rush out of the circle and run around clockwise and then back in through the gap to a different chair. When they are halfway around the facilitator may say “tide’s turning” and then the pupils will have to reverse direction. Alternatively, the facilitator may shout “tidal wave coming” and then pupils can go in either direction back into the circle which is intended to be the harbour. It may be possible at times to have sets of fish running simultaneously. The idea here is not only to promote listening skills but also to have fun and to set a positive tone for the session as a whole. Circle Time Questions The central theme of the session is introduced via a series of questions. These are answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may be required to finish. However, we feel that it is essential for the facilitator to also participate and provide the pupils with real life examples from their own experience. The questions can be recorded on a flip-chart or, alternatively, asked by the facilitator. These are as follows: 4 What makes a good friend? 4 When was I a good friend? 4 When was I not such a good friend? 4 How can we help someone who feels friendless? 4 How can we make sure we keep our friends?

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Problem Postcard The postcard from this session comes from Ella who lives in Scotland and is currently having a problem with her best friend. This is due to the fact that her friend is being picked for the County Team and has subsequently become very friendly with two pupils from another school who have also been selected. Ella now feels left out and lonely after school. The pupils are asked to contribute their ideas as to how Ella can solve this problem. Problem-solving Format The pupils are then encouraged to make use of the five-stepped problem-solving format in order to address Ella’s problem. This involves: 1. Identifying the problem and further clarifying how the person concerned feels. 2. Identifying those who might help and what they might be able to do. 3. Identifying possible strategies and listing three options. 4. Asking the pupils to agree on the best option and to give a reason for this. 5. Asking the pupils to make use of visualisation strategies in order to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will actually be different for him or her. Once again, the facilitator can record pupils’ responses on the problem-solving format, which can be enlarged to A3 size, or the headings can be written up on to a flip-chart. Worksheet Activity The pupils are asked to consider how they show that they care for other people and to record their ideas in the stars on the worksheet. The idea here is to reinforce the qualities of a good friend. The pupils can be encouraged to discuss their ideas in pairs and to identify any similarities and differences that they may have. The pupils can then make use of the award certificate to reward a friend who has been particularly caring towards them. They can further illustrate the certificate using coloured pens, pencils or watercolours and then present the award during a future Circle Time or assembly as appropriate.

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Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive. It would also be helpful to reinforce these positives by encouraging pupils to identify one thing that each member of the group has done well in the session. This could take the form of a Golden Scroll for each pupil (particularly if the group is small in number, e.g. between 6-8 pupils). For this activity, the facilitator needs to obtain a large piece of paper, approximately one metre in length, and a large gold marker pen. The name of the pupil can be written at the top of the paper and the facilitator then can go around the circle asking each pupil to say something nice about the pupil whose scroll it is. They can choose an attribute or a specific skill or something that the pupil has done well in the session. Then, with the appropriate ceremony, the scroll can be awarded to the named pupil. As time constraints will not allow for each pupil to be awarded a golden scroll in each session, the facilitator may wish to identify, or ask the whole group to nominate, one or more pupils at the end of each session. It will be important to keep a record of this activity so as to ensure that all involved pupils have been awarded a golden scroll by the end of the course.

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Problem Postcard My name is Ella. I am ten years old and I live in Glasgow in Scotland. My Primary School is called St. Barnabas and it’s really good because we have kind teachers who always try to listen to you and not shout or get angry. Anyway, my class recently went to the local swimming pool and me and my best friend, Jordan, were put into the top group with kids from two other schools. It was really good because we got to do relays and try out two new strokes. I felt really good about it until Jordan got picked to be in the County Team with Barney and Wong who go to St Andrew’s school. I wasn’t jealous because he is a better swimmer than me and deserved it but ever since then he doesn’t have any time to spend with me. He’s always going to practise with them and even goes round their houses now. I feel really left out. It’s like he doesn’t care for me any more. He hasn’t been horrible and still shares his stuff at school but it’s like he’s not my best friend any more. He won’t see me after school because he’s too busy with them. What can I do? Can you help me? Please try,

Ella

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Problem-solving Format 1. What is the problem? How does the person feel?

2. Who might help? What could they do?

3. What strategies can the person use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. The best is option

because

5. How will the person know that the problem is solved? What will be different?

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Caring and Sharing Write in the star shapes. How do we show that we care for others? How do we share with them and show them that we are ‘good’ friends?

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Award Certificate This certificate has been awarded to

for being a caring and sharing friend.

Signed:

Dated:

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Session 5: Getting Motivated

Circle Warm-up Fruit Salad – The facilitator assigns different fruit names to each of the pupils in sequence around the circle, for example, apple, pear, banana or lemon. The facilitator then calls out the fruit names in random order and children with the names called are required to stand up and change places. This can be repeated until everyone is sitting on a different chair from the one they originally sat on. Circle Time Questions The central theme of the session is introduced via a series of questions. These are answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may be required to finish. However, we feel that it is essential for the facilitator to also participate and provide the pupils with real life examples from their own experience. The questions can be recorded on a flip-chart or, alternatively, asked by the facilitator. These are as follows: 4 What makes me feel fed up? 4 How do I know when other people feel fed up? 4 How can I motivate myself? 4 What can I do? 4 How can we help each other to remain positive and reach our targets? Problem Postcard The postcard for this session comes from Daryl who is looking forward to her birthday party. However, she is currently also experiencing a problem with her big sister Chantelle who seems to be rather fed up and depressed. In the past she has taken Daryl on many outings and been good fun to be with but just recently these have stopped and Chantelle now appears to be totally unmotivated. Daryl is asking the pupils to try and help her resolve this problem. 55

Problem-solving Format The pupils are then encouraged to make use of the five-stepped problem-solving format in order to address Daryl’s problem. This involves: 1. Identifying the problem and further clarifying how the person concerned feels. 2. Identifying those who might help and what they might be able to do. 3. Identifying possible strategies and listing three options. 4. Asking the pupils to agree on the best option and to give a reason for this. 5. Asking the pupils to make use of visualisation strategies in order to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will actually be different for him or her. Once again, the facilitator can record pupils’ responses on the problem-solving format, which can be enlarged to A3 size, or the headings can be written up on to a flip-chart. Worksheet Activity There are two worksheets for the pupils to complete in this session. The first one is entitled ‘Rise and Shine’ and requires them to identify ten good reasons for getting out of bed and getting going in the morning! Pupils are asked to discuss their ideas with a friend and to record them on the sheet. The second worksheet is entitled ‘Top Targets’ and asks pupils to set their own SMART targets in order to move forward and remain positive. SMART targets are: Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic Time related It will be helpful for the facilitator to explain these terms to pupils prior to asking them to formulate their targets. They are asked to do this by adhering to a five-stepped process as follows: Step 1 What do I want to do well? Step 2 Who can help me? Step 3 How can I help myself? Step 4 How will I know I have improved – what will be different? Step 5 What is my first small step and SMART target? 56

Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive. It would also be helpful to reinforce these positives by encouraging pupils to identify one thing that each member of the group has done well in the session. This could take the form of a Golden Scroll for each pupil (particularly if the group is small in number, e.g. between 6-8 pupils). For this activity, the facilitator needs to obtain a large piece of paper, approximately one metre in length, and a large gold marker pen. The name of the pupil can be written at the top of the paper and the facilitator then can go around the circle asking each pupil to say something nice about the pupil whose scroll it is. They can choose an attribute or a specific skill or something that the pupil has done well in the session. Then, with the appropriate ceremony, the scroll can be awarded to the named pupil. As time constraints will not allow for each pupil to be awarded a golden scroll in each session, the facilitator may wish to identify, or ask the whole group to nominate, one or more pupils at the end of each session. It will be important to keep a record of this activity so as to ensure that all involved pupils have been awarded a golden scroll by the end of the course.

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Problem Postcard Hello, My name is Daryl and I go to Chesmore Primary School in Surrey. I’m going to be 9 next Thursday and I’m really looking forward to my birthday because my mum has organised a big party and all my friends are coming so it will be really good. The only problem is my big sister Chantelle. She used to be really good and great and we always did stuff together. She’s fourteen now and goes to Edland High and is really pretty. She always used to take me shopping on Saturday mornings and swimming on Sundays, but just recently that’s all stopped and she doesn’t want to do anything. She says that everything is boring and all she seems to want to do is to sleep all the time. My dad said she needs motivating. I don’t know what to do. I really miss the ‘old’ Chantelle, what can I do to help? What do you think?

Daryl

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Problem-solving Format 1. What is the problem? How does the person feel?

2. Who might help? What could they do?

3. What strategies can the person use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. The best is option

because

5. How will the person know that the problem is solved? What will be different?

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Rise and Shine Get motivated! Think of ten good reasons for getting out of bed and getting going! Discuss your ideas with a friend and record them in the bedspread below.

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1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

Top Targets Give yourself the thumbs up! Set you own targets by going through the five-stepped approach as follows:

Step 1:

What do I want to do well?

Step 2:

Who can help me?

Step 3:

How can I help myself?

Step 4:

How will I know I’ve improved – what will be different?

Step 5:

What is my first small step and SMART target?

These are my targets:

(1) (2) (3) I will review these with

Signed

on

Dated

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Session 6: Feeling Frightened

Circle Warm-up Fish and Chips – The facilitator will need to have prepared this activity in advance. A series of cards or pictures should be collected. The facilitator writes on the top and bottom of each card half a name of a well-known meal, e.g. on the top half of the card can be written ‘fish’ and on the bottom half of the card ‘chips’. The card can then be cut into two. Other examples may include scrambled/egg, pork/pie, ice/cream or cheese/burger. There should be enough of these cards for the pupils to have one half each. The cards are shuffled initially and then one half of the card given to each pupil in the circle. The aim of the game is for the pupils to move around the circle in silence in order to find the other half of their card. As soon as each pair has found each other they are required to sit down next to each other. Circle Time Questions The central theme of the session is introduced via a series of questions. These are answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may be required to finish. However, we feel that it is essential for the facilitator to also participate and provide the pupils with real life examples from their own experience. The questions can be recorded on a flip-chart or, alternatively, asked by the facilitator. These are as follows: 4 What makes me feel frightened? 4 How can I tell if other people feel frightened? 4 Were you ever bullied? 4 How can we cope with bullying? 4 How can we help others who are being bullied?

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Problem Postcard The problem postcard for this session comes from Tara who is being bullied in her new school. The bullying is being conducted by two Year 6 girls who are quite skilled at not being observed by teachers when they are bullying Tara. The situation has got increasingly more stressful for Tara and she is now scared that the two girls will eventually become so rough that they will really hurt her badly. The pupils are asked to try and identify some solutions for Tara and work out a way forward so that she can get out of this very difficult situation. Problem-solving Format The pupils are then encouraged to make use of the five-stepped problem-solving format in order to address Tara’s problem. This involves: 1. Identifying the problem and further clarifying how the person concerned feels. 2. Identifying those who might help and what they might be able to do. 3. Identifying possible strategies and listing three options. 4. Asking the pupils to agree on the best option and to give a reason for this. 5. Asking the pupils to make use of visualisation strategies in order to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will actually be different for him or her. Once again, the facilitator can record pupils’ responses on the problem-solving format, which can be enlarged to A3 size, or the headings can be written up on to a flip-chart. Worksheet Activity The first worksheet activity is entitled ‘Feeling Frightened’ and reinforces the first of the Circle Time questions. This is important because sometimes pupils will have some difficulty in admitting to feeling frightened. The idea here is to reinforce the fact that we all experience this feeling at some point in our lives and there are often very valid reasons why we should feel this way. It is also reinforced that we can help ourselves in such situations and need to discuss our ideas and work out a way forward with friends who can help us to resolve such problems. The second worksheet is entitled, ‘My Problem Solver Sheet’. This follows the format of the problem-solving format for each of the previous sessions but is personalised so that each pupil can identify specific problems they themselves have and also identify strategies that they can use in order to resolve these. The Problem Solver Sheet is divided into five sections. The pupils are asked 64

to envisage life without the problem and to say how they will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will be different and how differently they will feel. Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive. It would also be helpful to reinforce these positives by encouraging pupils to identify one thing that each member of the group has done well in the session. This could take the form of a Golden Scroll for each pupil (particularly if the group is small in number, e.g. between 6-8 pupils). For this activity, the facilitator needs to obtain a large piece of paper, approximately one metre in length, and a large gold marker pen. The name of the pupil can be written at the top of the paper and the facilitator then can go around the circle asking each pupil to say something nice about the pupil whose scroll it is. They can choose an attribute or a specific skill or something that the pupil has done well in the session. Then, with the appropriate ceremony, the scroll can be awarded to the named pupil. As time constraints will not allow for each pupil to be awarded a golden scroll in each session, the facilitator may wish to identify, or ask the whole group to nominate, one or more pupils at the end of each session. It will be important to keep a record of this activity so as to ensure that all involved pupils have been awarded a golden scroll by the end of the course.

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Problem Postcard Hello, My name is Tara and I go to Rabbburs Primary School in Ciewsley. I started there last year when my dad and I moved from West Yorkshire to Middlesex because he got a new job. It was fine at first because the teachers were kind and I made quite a few friends in my class. Also, we did lots of games and stuff because our teacher, Mr Cambus, thought it would help us to take turns and get on with each other. Then it just stopped being good almost overnight. It started with two Year 6 girls just before Christmas. We were all getting ready for our Christmas show and I’d been picked to play the main character in our play. I was changing for rehearsal when they walked into the girls toilets. They looked at me and one of them stood and said, “look at her, she is like a stick insect – if she turned sideways she’d disappear!” They both started laughing and then they started to push me like they were going to pull me over. The other girl said, “She’s like a twig – she just needs snapping.” Anyway, they pulled my hair around until someone else came into the toilets to change. Now, they are at me all the time and are even at me in the playground behind the staff room where the teachers can’t see. I’m frightened because they get rougher each time and I think they are going to hurt me really badly next time. What can I do? Can you help me?

Tara

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Problem-solving Format 1. What is the problem? How does the person feel?

2. Who might help? What could they do?

3. What strategies can the person use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. The best is option

because

5. How will the person know that the problem is solved? What will be different?

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Feeling Frightened Everyone feels frightened sometimes. Stop and think! When do you feel like this and why? Write your ideas in the speech bubbles. I feel frightened when I feel frightened when

because because

I feel frightened when I feel frightened when

because because

I feel frightened when

I feel frightened when because

because

Stop and think: Think of one situation and then try to work out what you could do to help yourself and solve the problem. Discuss with a partner. Record your ideas on the problem solver sheet. 68

My Problem Solver Sheet 1. This is the problem and I feel:

2. People who might help me are: What they can do

3. What strategies can I use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. My best is option

because

5. I will know that the probelm is solved because

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Session 7: Managing Anger

Circle Warm-up Throwing the Magic Name – In this opening game the first pupil says the name of another pupil in the circle. As they say the name, they mime throwing a ball to the child whose name they have just said as if they are ‘throwing’ the name. The child whose name it is mimes catching it. The second child then says the name of another child and mimes a throw at the same time. This continues for some time and generally results in children saying the names of children they don’t often speak to. This can then be repeated using a real soft ball. Circle Time Questions The central theme of the session is introduced via a series of questions. These are answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may be required to finish. However, we feel that it is essential for the facilitator to also participate and provide the pupils with real life examples from their own experience. The questions can be recorded on a flip-chart or, alternatively, asked by the facilitator. These are as follows: 4 What makes me feel angry? 4 What happens to my body when I get angry? 4 What do I generally feel like doing when I get angry? 4 Do other people get angry like me? 4 What can I do to help myself? 4 What can I do to help other people? Problem Postcard The postcard for this session comes from Frankie who lives in Birmingham. Frankie describes how he has a problem with his temper because it ‘keeps running away with me’. Generally, he feels that this is because other children in his class cuss him or give him dirty looks and then he responds by hitting 71

out at them. Now that the other children in his class know that he gets easily wound up, they are beginning to tease him more often in order to then laugh at his responses and make a fool of him. It has now got to the stage where both his teacher and his mum are fed up with him and he may be at risk of being excluded from school. Frankie is asking the pupils to try and help him resolve his problem. Problem-solving Format The pupils are then encouraged to make use of the five-stepped problem-solving format in order to address Frankie’s problem. This involves: 1. Identifying the problem and further clarifying how the person concerned feels. 2. Identifying those who might help and what they might be able to do. 3. Identifying possible strategies and listing three options. 4. Asking the pupils to agree on the best option and to give a reason for this. 5. Asking the pupils to make use of visualisation strategies in order to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will actually be different for him or her. Once again, the facilitator can record pupils’ responses on the problem-solving format, which can be enlarged to A3 size, or the headings can be written up on to a flip-chart. Worksheet Activity There are two worksheets provided in this session, one for the pupils to complete during the allocated lesson time and the other for pupils to complete during the ensuing week. The first sheet is entitled ‘Anger Spoilers’. The pupils are asked to reflect upon what they could do in order to cope better with their own angry feelings. They are asked to work together in pairs and to brainstorm their ideas prior to recording them in the Post-it notes on the worksheet. It may be helpful to also conduct a short class discussion regarding such strategies and to perhaps introduce the notions of relaxation, counting to 10 or 20, the use of a traffic light format (Stop ~ say how you feel, Wait ~ What is wrong? What can you do? Go ~ choose your best option and try it out) and perhaps some visualisation techniques. The second worksheet is entitled ‘My Anger Diary’. This is a reflective activity in which the pupils are asked to record the times that they felt angry, during a one-week period. They are asked to write down what they did and which of the strategies they used at each of these times. The idea is to reflect upon how 72

well the strategy worked and to identify whether or not this would be a useful strategy to repeat or to further adapt in the future. Pupils are also encouraged to make use of a scaling strategy, rating each of the strategies out of 10 for their usefulness or effectiveness. Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive. It would also be helpful to reinforce these positives by encouraging pupils to identify one thing that each member of the group has done well in the session. This could take the form of a Golden Scroll for each pupil (particularly if the group is small in number, e.g. between 6-8 pupils). For this activity, the facilitator needs to obtain a large piece of paper, approximately one metre in length, and a large gold marker pen. The name of the pupil can be written at the top of the paper and the facilitator then can go around the circle asking each pupil to say something nice about the pupil whose scroll it is. They can choose an attribute or a specific skill or something that the pupil has done well in the session. Then, with the appropriate ceremony, the scroll can be awarded to the named pupil. As time constraints will not allow for each pupil to be awarded a golden scroll in each session, the facilitator may wish to identify, or ask the whole group to nominate, one or more pupils at the end of each session. It will be important to keep a record of this activity so as to ensure that all involved pupils have been awarded a golden scroll by the end of the course.

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Problem Postcard Hello, My name is Frankie and I live in Birmingham. It’s a big city with fantastic shops and I like buying stuff so it’s a good place to be. I go to school in Shirley which sounds like a person so everyone laughs when I tell them that. Anyway I’m writing to you because I know that I need some help. It’s because of my temper – I just can’t keep it in – it keeps running away with me like a bulldozer on a building site. At school it’s the worst because of all the other kids. If some one cusses me or even gives me a look, I just can’t help it. I get all hot and sweaty and I can feel my fists going hard as if I’m going to punch someone. The problem is that I do. I go all red in the face and I just seem to see the colour red in front of me so I hit them. At first it didn’t happen that much but recently it’s been happening every day because now that the other kids know I get wound up they keep on doing it. They think it’s funny so when I get angry they laugh and it makes me even angrier. They tease me about not being good at writing and that makes me feel dumb. I don’t know what to do. My teacher is fed up with me and so is my mum because the school keeps asking her to take me home. I think the teachers don’t like me now and want to exclude me. What can I do? Can you help me?

Frankie

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Problem-solving Format 1. What is the problem? How does the person feel?

2. Who might help? What could they do?

3. What strategies can the person use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. The best is option

because

5. How will the person know that the problem is solved? What will be different?

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Anger Spoilers What can you do in order to cope better with angry feelings? Work together in pairs and brainstorm your ideas. Record them in the Post-it notes below

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My Anger Diary Record the times that you felt angry during this week. Write down what you did, which strategy you used and how well it worked. (Rate out of 10: 0=not well 10=brilliantly)

I got angry because

Mon Tue Wed Thur Fri

I tried this strategy

Rating (0-10)

/10 /10 /10 /10 /10

Discuss with your teacher what worked best for you and how you will cope in the future when you get angry.

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Session 8: In Control

Circle Warm-up Wink Wink - An additional chair is placed into the circle and the pupil sitting next to the empty chair is asked to wink at someone on the other side of the circle. The pupil who has been winked at then crosses the circle in silence and sits in the empty chair. The person who now has the empty chair on their right is required to wink at someone else across the circle and they are then required to sit in the empty chair. This is done as fast as possible until all the pupils are reasonably well mixed up in the circle. Circle Time Questions The central theme of this session is once again introduced by a series of questions. These can be answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may then be required to finish. We feel that it is essential for the facilitator to also participate and provide pupils with real life examples from their own experience. Throughout the sessions, participating in this way will help to increase the sense of empathy and further build upon positive relationships between the facilitator and pupils. The questions for this session are as follows: 4 What does feeling in control mean? 4 When are we in control? 4 When do we feel out of control? 4 Why do we sometimes blame other people if we have done something wrong? 4 How can we help each other remain in control? 4 How can we help ourselves to remain in control?

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Problem Postcard The postcard from this session comes from Angie who is keen on playing tennis. The problem concerns her friend Gita who is also a good tennis player but has a tendency to blame anyone else if things go wrong in any of her matches. She continually blames others for her own mistakes and is starting to upset both her coach and her friends. Everyone seems to be getting fed up with her and Angie wants to know what she can do to sort out this problem. Problem-solving Format The pupils are then encouraged to make use of the five-stepped problem-solving format in order to address Angie’s problem. This involves: 1. Identifying the problem and further clarifying how the person concerned feels. 2. Identifying those who might help and what they might be able to do. 3. Identifying possible strategies and listing three options. 4. Asking the pupils to agree on the best option and to give a reason for this. 5. Asking the pupils to make use of visualisation strategies in order to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will actually be different for him or her. Once again, the facilitator can record pupils’ responses on the problem-solving format, which can be enlarged to A3 size, or the headings can be written up on to a flip-chart. Worksheet Activity The worksheet is entitled ‘In Control’, and reinforces the fact that we need to be in control and to take responsibility for our own behaviour. Blaming others around us won’t help us to change our lives or to succeed. The pupils are asked to look at a range of statements which are recorded in a series of tennis balls and to then decide whether the character depicted is either in control and taking responsibility or if they are simply blaming others for the outcomes of their behaviour. The pupils are asked to colour code the balls, colouring green for statements which show that the person is in control and red to show that the person is blaming others. For example, ‘I missed the goal because Frankie shouted at me just as I was about to kick it’ would be coloured in red as the child is clearly blaming someone else for having missed the goal. ‘I learnt my spellings so I got 10 out of 10 on the test’ would be coloured green as the pupil is evidently in control and recognises the link between the work put in and

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the positive outcome. Had she said that the test was too easy this would have shown external as opposed to internal control. Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive. It would also be helpful to reinforce these positives by encouraging pupils to identify one thing that each member of the group has done well in the session. This could take the form of a Golden Scroll for each pupil (particularly if the group is small in number, e.g. between 6-8 pupils). For this activity, the facilitator needs to obtain a large piece of paper, approximately one metre in length, and a large gold marker pen. The name of the pupil can be written at the top of the paper and the facilitator then can go around the circle asking each pupil to say something nice about the pupil whose scroll it is. They can choose an attribute or a specific skill or something that the pupil has done well in the session. Then, with the appropriate ceremony, the scroll can be awarded to the named pupil. As time constraints will not allow for each pupil to be awarded a golden scroll in each session, the facilitator may wish to identify, or ask the whole group to nominate, one or more pupils at the end of each session. It will be important to keep a record of this activity so as to ensure that all involved pupils have been awarded a golden scroll by the end of the course.

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Problem Postcard

Hello, My name is Angie and I go to Hobbsrick Primary School in Exeter. My school is really good because we have a great big playing field and two swimming pools inside and outside. We’ve also got two tennis courts and we learn with a coach every week. I love playing tennis, it’s my favourite game. Because you really have to concentrate and watch the ball and I’m really good at that. My problem is to do with my friend Gita. She is a good tennis player too but she has been getting on my nerves lately. We’re supposed to be playing in the doubles matches for our year soon but I’m not sure if I want to play with her anymore. The problem is that she just keeps on blaming everyone else if things go wrong. When we were practising the other day she said that she missed the ball because someone was shouting at the side of the court. Then she said she hadn’t played well because our coach hadn’t helped her enough. Then she said we lost the match because I was a rubbish player and couldn’t run fast enough. That’s what really upset me because everyone knows that’s not me. She is really getting on my nerves because she just blames everyone else for her own mistakes. All our friends are getting fed up with her. What should I do?. Please help,

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Angie

Problem-solving Format 1. What is the problem? How does the person feel?

2. Who might help? What could they do?

3. What strategies can the person use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. The best is option

because

5. How will the person know that the problem is solved? What will be different?

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In Control We need to be in control and take responsibility for our own behaviour – blaming others won’t help us to change or succeed. Look at the statements in the tennis balls and then decide if the person is in control and taking responsibility or if they are blaming others. Colour code the balls green=in control red=blaming others.

I got told off because my friends made me muck about.

My mum shouted at me so I kicked the Hoover and it broke.

I got a detention because the teacher doesn’t like me.

The teacher was in a bad mood so I ran out of the room.

She made me punch her because she pulled a face at me.

I didn’t do well in the test because the teacher made it too hard.

I learnt my spellings so I got 10/10 in the test.

I fell over because I wasn’t looking where I was going.

I missed the goal because Frankie shouted at me just as I was about to kick it.

Compare your views with a friend. Do you agree with each statement? Take time to talk about it.

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Session 9: Dealing with Aggression

Circle Warm-up Animal Antics - The pupils sitting around the circle are numbered, 1, 2, 3, 4; 1, 2, 3, 4; etc. The facilitator then tells the group that No 1’s are storks who cross the circle on one leg, the No 2’s are humans who cross on two legs, the No 3’s are monkeys who can cross on two legs and an arm and the Number 4’s are horses who cross on all fours. The facilitator then calls out numbers and the pupils are required to move across the circle and end up in different seats. Circle Time Questions The central theme of the session is introduced via a series of questions. These are answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may be required to finish. However, we feel that it is essential for the facilitator to also participate and provide the pupils with real life examples from their own experience. The questions can be recorded on a flip-chart or, alternatively, asked by the facilitator. These are as follows: 4 What makes me feel and act in an aggressive way? 4 How can I tell when people are being aggressive? 4 How do they look and how does it make me feel? 4 What makes me act in an assertive way? 4 When do I behave in a passive way? 4 What kind of behaviour (out of these three) is probably the best way to behave and when? It may be helpful for the facilitator to model each of these behaviours prior to asking the questions. For example, she could nominate appropriate pupils to role-play scenarios with her in which she asks them to sit down and get on with their work in: a) an aggressive way, b) an assertive way and c) a passive way. She can then ask the pupils which behaviour would probably get the best results for her and why. 85

Problem Postcard The postcard for this session comes from Jamal who really likes his school but has a very difficult problem with his dad and the way in which his dad behaves when he comes to visit the school. Jamal’s father is causing him a great deal of embarrassment because of his aggressive behaviour. Every time he perceives there to be a problem in school he will begin to get angry and become increasingly aggressive towards staff and particularly Jamal’s teacher. Jamal feels that his father is a bully and wants him to stop because it is making him feel embarrassed and anxious. The pupils are asked to try and help Jamal resolve his problem. Problem-Solving Format The pupils are then encouraged to make use of the five-stepped problem-solving format in order to address Jamal’s problem. This involves: 1. Identifying the problem and further clarifying how the person concerned feels. 2. Identifying those who might help and what they might be able to do. 3. Identifying possible strategies and listing three options. 4. Asking the pupils to agree on the best option and to give a reason for this. 5. Asking the pupils to make use of visualisation strategies in order to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will actually be different for him or her. Once again, the facilitator can record pupils’ responses on the problem-solving format, which can be enlarged to A3 size, or the headings can be written up on to a flip-chart. Worksheet Activity This worksheet activity is entitled ‘Sort It Out’. The pupils are presented with a list of words which describe our behaviour and are then required to sort them out into three categories: 1. words which describe aggressive behaviours 2. words which describe assertive behaviours 3. words which describe passive behaviours. We would suggest that it might be helpful for the facilitator to present pupils with three scenarios in order to clarify the distinction between these behaviours. The most time effective way we have found of doing this is for the facilitator 86

to ‘ask for a pencil’ in an aggressive, assertive and passive manner and to ask the pupils to observe and discuss the differences in his or her behaviour. It is helpful to encourage the pupils to work in pairs on this activity and to explain their particular sorting process. Finally, the pupils are asked to practise aggressive, assertive and passive behaviours in a short role-play activity. This activity reinforces the modelling exercise provided by the facilitator prior to the circle questions. The pupils may wish to extend this further by improvising their own scenes. Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive. It would also be helpful to reinforce these positives by encouraging pupils to identify one thing that each member of the group has done well in the session. This could take the form of a Golden Scroll for each pupil (particularly if the group is small in number, e.g. between 6-8 pupils). For this activity, the facilitator needs to obtain a large piece of paper, approximately one metre in length, and a large gold marker pen. The name of the pupil can be written at the top of the paper and the facilitator then can go around the circle asking each pupil to say something nice about the pupil whose scroll it is. They can choose an attribute or a specific skill or something that the pupil has done well in the session. Then, with the appropriate ceremony, the scroll can be awarded to the named pupil.

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As time constraints will not allow for each pupil to be awarded a golden scroll in each session, the facilitator may wish to identify, or ask the whole group to nominate, one or more pupils at the end of each session. It will be important to keep a record of this activity so as to ensure that all involved pupils have been awarded a golden scroll by the end of the course.

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Problem Postcard Hello, My name is Jamal and I go to Culville Primary School in Notting Hill in London. It’s a great school because we always have loads of visitors and treats like special outings. Last week we went rollerblading and it was brilliant because even our teachers joined in. They are good because they are young and want to try out new stuff with us. My problem is that my dad is always causing trouble and coming into school to embarrass me. It doesn’t matter if it’s only a small thing – like I forgot my homework – he’ll still go marching up to the school and into my class then start to shout at my teacher. I really feel embarrassed because she’s nice and kind and she never shouts at us. My dad is just so aggressive, he can’t control his temper and goes around shouting at everyone – even when he is outside school. He thinks that if he shouts loud enough then everyone will do what he wants and he will always get his own way. My mum says he’s just aggressive and someone will thump him one day. I just feel fed up because I think my teacher is scared of him and she just goes all quiet and red when she sees him. It’s not fair because she is kind and he is just being a bully when he shouts at her and he never has any reason to shout anyway. I just feel embarrassed and fed up. I want my dad just to keep away or keep quiet. What can I do? Can you help?

Jamal

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Problem-solving Format 1. What is the problem? How does the person feel?

2. Who might help? What could they do?

3. What strategies can the person use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. The best is option

because

5. How will the person know that the problem is solved? What will be different?

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Sort It Out Look at the list of words to describe our behaviours. Sort them into the chart below so that you have three lists to describe: (1) Aggressive behaviour (2) Assertive behaviour (3) Passive behaviour force

slam doors threaten be calm

use a steady voice use a quiet voice

mumble

bully

shout

punch

clench

use a breathy voice

take turns

ask firmly Assertive behaviour

intimidate

share

look down

give in throw things scream clench fists

use ‘I’ message

Aggressive behaviour

Passive behaviour

Practise it! Ask for a pencil in an assertive, aggressive and passive way. Which would get the best result and why?

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Session 10: Respect and Empathy

Circle Warm-up The Noisy Game – The pupils are labelled A and B alternately around the circle. The A’s are asked to tell their partner B about, for example, their favourite food, hobby, pop group, football team or pop idol. Initially the B’s do not listen to the A’s and they make as much noise as they possibly can such as calling out to their friends across the circle. The facilitator then calls for silence – it may be helpful to have agreed a signal for this prior to the start of the activity. The A’s then talk to the B’s again and this time the B’s are asked to listen extremely well, nodding their heads and smiling at appropriate points and making comments as appropriate. The idea here is to reinforce the fact that if you don’t listen you can’t hear, but there is also no point in speaking if you are not being listened to. It may also be useful to ask the children how they felt when they weren’t being listened to appropriately and to ask those who were making the noise how they think the other person may have felt, thus re-introducing the concept of empathy. Circle Time Questions The central theme of the session is introduced via a series of questions. These are answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may be required to finish. However, we feel that it is essential for the facilitator to also participate and provide the pupils with real life examples from their own experience. The questions can be recorded on a flip-chart or, alternatively, asked by the facilitator. These are as follows: 4 When do I know that others respect me? How do they show this? 4 How do we know that people care and value us? 4 When do people not care and value us and how does this make us feel? 4 What would happen if people didn’t respect and value each other’s differences?

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Problem Postcard The postcard for this session comes from Carlos who has recently come to England from Spain due to his parents having decided to make this move. Carlos’s parents are suffering a considerable level of stress because his grandmother is ill. Consequently, they have not noticed that he is having problems at school. Some other children have been teasing him and making nasty comments about him being black and having an accent. The pupils are asked to try and help Carlos with this difficult problem. Problem-solving Format The pupils are then encouraged to make use of the five-stepped problem-solving format in order to address Carlos’s problem. This involves: 1. Identifying the problem and further clarifying how the person concerned feels. 2. Identifying those who might help and what they might be able to do. 3. Identifying possible strategies and listing three options. 4. Asking the pupils to agree on the best option and to give a reason for this. 5. Asking the pupils to make use of visualisation strategies in order to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will actually be different for him or her. The facilitator can record pupils’ responses on the problem-solving format, which can be enlarged to A3 size, or the headings can be written up on to a flip-chart. Worksheet Activity This worksheet activity asks the question – how do we show respect and care for each other? The pupils are asked to record their ideas in a series of balloons, which the five children in the illustration are holding. It would be helpful to encourage discussion prior to this activity. It may also be useful to conduct a whole-class or group brainstorm in order to identify how we show our respect for each other and empathise with each other. The pupils can be encouraged to think ahead to the consequences of these behaviours. For example: What would happen if people were continually racist and unempathetic towards each other?

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How would the world be? Would it be a safe place or would it be a place in which we were all scared to live? Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive. It would also be helpful to reinforce these positives by encouraging pupils to identify one thing that each member of the group has done well in the session. This could take the form of a Golden Scroll for each pupil (particularly if the group is small in number, e.g. between 6-8 pupils). For this activity, the facilitator needs to obtain a large piece, of paper approximately one metre in length, and a large gold marker pen. The name of the pupil can be written at the top of the paper and the facilitator then can go around the circle asking each pupil to say something nice about the pupil whose scroll it is. They can choose an attribute or a specific skill or something that the pupil has done well in the session. Then, with the appropriate ceremony, the scroll can be awarded to the named pupil. As time constraints will not allow for each pupil to be awarded a golden scroll in each session, the facilitator may wish to identify, or ask the whole group to nominate, one or more pupils at the end of each session. It will be important to keep a record of this activity so as to ensure that all involved pupils have been awarded a golden scroll by the end of the course.

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Problem Postcard Hello, My name is Carlos, i have just come to England from Spain because my mum and dad decided to move back to their home town. I was born in Spain just after mum and dad first went to work there. Now that my nan is ill my mum decided that she wanted to come home to look after her. My mum felt quite sad because she didn’t want to leave Spain but she was worried about my nan so, in the end, we made the move. My dad isn’t too pleased because he doesn’t like the English weather as it’s too cold and grey. My mum just seems stressed all the time and never seems to be at home because she’s always doing stuff for my nan. Well, my problem is that I can’t really talk to them because they are so angry and stressed but I’m just so fed up as well, my school has a nice building and the teachers seemed kind but the other kids are horrible. They have said bad things about me about being black and laughed when I talk. They call me a Spanish terrorist like I’m going to blow them up because I look and sound foreign. They don’t respect anyone who is different and they don’t seem to care about other people’s feelings. I don’t want to go to school anymore. What can I do? Can you help?

Carlos

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Problem-solving Format 1. What is the problem? How does the person feel?

2. Who might help? What could they do?

3. What strategies can the person use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. The best is option

because

5. How will the person know that the problem is solved? What will be different?

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Respecting and Caring How do we show respect and care for each other? What do you do? What do others do? Record your ideas in the balloons below.

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Session 11: Coping with Change

Circle Warm-up Copycat – The pupils should be encouraged to be quiet and attentive in the circle. The facilitator can begin by passing round a single clap and then progress to an easy rhythm and then a rhythm on an instrument around the circle. A selection of rhythm instruments should be made available for this purpose. Each pupil can have a go at beginning the rhythm for the other pupils to listen to and copy around the circle. Circle Time Questions The central theme of the session is introduced via a series of questions. These are answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may be required to finish. However, we feel that it is essential for the facilitator to also participate and provide the pupils with real life examples from their own experience. The questions can be recorded on a flip-chart or, alternatively, asked by the facilitator. These are as follows: 4 What little change have you had to cope with in your life? 4 What big change have you had to cope with in your life? 4 How does change make you feel? 4 How can you help yourself to cope with, for example, a new school? 4 How can we help each other to cope with change? Problem Postcard The postcard from this session comes from Jason who was excluded from primary school due to his behaviour. He was always getting into fights and getting angry with other people. Jason describes how much he now likes his Pupil Referral Unit and how well he has settled into this new context. However, he is now beginning to get very scared and nervous as his placement comes to an end and he is expected to reintegrate back into a mainstream school. Jason 99

feels that he doesn’t actually want to go back to school and is very scared in case the teachers in his new school don’t like him and the other kids label him as being ‘bad’. At this stage in the course, this may be a pertinent problem for the pupils involved in the group. Problem-solving Format The pupils are then encouraged to make use of the five-stepped problem-solving format in order to address Jason’s problem. This involves: 1. Identifying the problem and further clarifying how the person concerned feels. 2. Identifying those who might help and what they might be able to do. 3. Identifying possible strategies and listing three options. 4. Asking the pupils to agree on the best option and to give a reason for this. 5. Asking the pupils to make use of visualisation strategies in order to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will actually be different for him or her. Once again, the facilitator can record pupils’ responses on the problem-solving format, which can be enlarged to A3 size, or the headings can be written up on to a flip-chart. Worksheet Activity The worksheet activity is entitled ‘Coping with Change’ and reinforces the previous activity requiring pupils to formulate further advice to give to Jason. Pupils are encouraged to discuss their ideas with a partner and record them in the circles on the worksheet. The reinforcement of coping strategies is particularly important at this point given that many of the pupils may be feeling similar kinds of emotions to those described by Jason. The second worksheet activity is entitled ‘Self-reflection Activity’. In this activity the pupils are asked to record their own concerns about starting a new school and to identify how they would feel and what they might be worried about. They are then encouraged to talk about their particular concerns with a friend or their teacher and to attempt to think of things that they might be able to do in order to help themselves, and also to identify people who could help them in the new context. These strategies are recorded in the Helpful Box.

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Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive. It would also be helpful to reinforce these positives by encouraging pupils to identify one thing that each member of the group has done well in the session. This could take the form of a Golden Scroll for each pupil (particularly if the group is small in number, e.g. between 6-8 pupils). For this activity, the facilitator needs to obtain a large piece of paper, approximately one metre in length, and a large gold marker pen. The name of the pupil can be written at the top of the paper and the facilitator then can go around the circle asking each pupil to say something nice about the pupil whose scroll it is. They can choose an attribute or a specific skill or something that the pupil has done well in the session. Then, with the appropriate ceremony, the scroll can be awarded to the named pupil. As time constraints will not allow for each pupil to be awarded a golden scroll in each session, the facilitator may wish to identify, or ask the whole group to nominate, one or more pupils at the end of each session. It will be important to keep a record of this activity so as to ensure that all involved pupils have been awarded a golden scroll by the end of the course.

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Problem Postcard Hello, My name is Jason and I am ten years old. Last year I got excluded from my primary school because I was getting into trouble all the time. I was always in fights and getting angry at people – including the teachers if they did nasty things to me or made me do work I couldn’t do. Anyway, when it was all happening I just blamed everyone else but now I know that a lot of stuff was down to me because I just couldn’t stop myself lashing out. Now I’ve been at the PRU for a term and a half. I like it because it’s smaller and we’ve got two teachers. We get to do real cookery, go canoeing and other stuff that’s good. My teacher is really strict and doesn’t stand for stuff but he’s kind and has a joke with us too. Last week I got told that they’ve found me a new school to go to in May, and they will sort out a circle of friends to help me get used to it. And Mr Noble our LSA will come in with me for the first couple of weeks. But, I’m really scared about it and nervous as I’m not good at coping with changes – even my mum says so. I’ve just made friends here and I like the PRU. I don’t really want to go back. What if the teachers at my new school don’t like me? What if the other kids don’t like me? I thought I might just be bad anyway, and then they might send me back here to the PRU. What should I do? Can you help me?

Jason

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Problem-solving Format 1. What is the problem? How does the person feel?

2. Who might help? What could they do?

3. What strategies can the person use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. The best is option

because

5. How will the person know that the problem is solved? What will be different?

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Coping With Change What advice would you give to Jason? Discuss your ideas with a partner and then record them in the circles below.

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Self-reflection Activity Record your concerns about starting a new school. How do you feel? What are you worried about?

1. 2. 3. 4. Talk about your concerns with a friend or your teacher. Try to think of things you could do to help yourself and identify people who could help you. Record these below in the helpful box.

Helpful Box

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Session 12: Mediation Skills

Circle Warm-up 1 to 10 – In this Circle Time activity the pupils are asked to go around the circle and individually give a score (from 1-10) as to how they are feeling at the moment and to explain why they are feeling this way in a simple sentence. Should some pupils award themselves particularly low scores, it will be helpful for the facilitator to reinforce the importance of peer support and how we can help each other improve our feelings about ourselves by showing empathy and genuine kindness. The next circle can then involve each pupil in identifying ways that they can help each other in order to improve their rating. It may be helpful for the pupils to make positive comments about each other and to attempt to improve each other’s scores by showing respect and appreciation for each another. Circle Time Questions The central theme of the session is introduced via a series of questions. These are answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may be required to finish. However, we feel that it is essential for the facilitator to also participate and provide the pupils with real life examples from their own experience. The questions can be recorded on a flip-chart or, alternatively, asked by the facilitator. These are as follows: 4 When did I last have an argument? 4 How did I feel? 4 How did the other person feel? 4 Did we reach a compromise? 4 How could we have got a better outcome for both of us? 4 What happens when people don’t listen and show respect for each other’s point of view? 4 How can we sort out problems in a better way? 107

Problem Postcard The postcard for this session comes from David. David has decided that he doesn’t like school anymore and this is mainly because everyone in his class seems to be involved in an argument on a daily basis. He describes how these arguments are frequently about stupid things like: who is first in the queue or whose turn it is to play football. The problems that he has experienced mainly centre around the fact that his peers don’t know how to solve conflicts or mediate. No one seems to have these skills and pupils tend to just shout at each other and storm off in huffs. This situation is beginning to stress David and make him feel as if he doesn’t want to go to school anymore. The pupils are asked to try and help David with this problem. Problem-solving Format The pupils are then encouraged to make use of the five-stepped problem-solving format in order to address David’s problem. This involves: 1. Identifying the problem and further clarifying how the person concerned feels. 2. Identifying those who might help and what they might be able to do. 3. Identifying possible strategies and listing three options. 4. Asking the pupils to agree on the best option and to give a reason for this. 5. Asking the pupils to make use of visualisation strategies in order to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will actually be different for him or her. Once again, the facilitator can record pupils’ responses on the problem-solving format, which can be enlarged to A3 size, or the headings can be written up on to a flip-chart. Worksheet Activity The first worksheet activity is entitled ‘Mediation Process’ and is a resource sheet for the pupils to use in the following activities and in future conflict situations. This five-stepped mediation process is perhaps best explained initially by the facilitator. The facilitator can explain how the mediator is someone who attempts to help two people find a solution to a problem and facilitates the problem-solving process whilst remaining emotionally uninvolved and unbiased. The five-stepped process is as follows: Step 1:

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The mediator initially introduces him or herself to the pupils and agrees not to take sides and not to offer any solutions. The pupils then agree to speak one at a time and not to interrupt each other.

They also agree to show respect and not blame one another or make accusations. The idea here is to conduct a conversation in which both sides are heard and a solution is then formulated. Step 2:

The mediator asks each pupil to describe the problem and how they feel about this. The mediator then repeats what each pupil has said in order to reinforce and clarify their ideas and feelings.

Step 3:

The mediator asks each pupil to describe how the other pupil feels, i.e. sharing empathy and beginning to understand another’s perspective.

Step 4:

The mediator asks each pupil for suggestions as to how the problem can be sorted out. Each pupil speaks in turn in order to provide their ideas.

Step 5:

The mediator asks the pupils to agree a solution. Throughout this process the pupils are encouraged to be positive, to be kind to each other, to be respectful and are finally thanked for helping in the process.

To practise this process of mediation, the pupils can be divided up into groups of three in order to meet the requirements of the worksheet entitled ‘Let’s Mediate’. This involves a series of four role-plays in which pupils can take on the role of mediator or pupil with the problem. The problems are fairly straightforward and typical of those possibly experienced by the pupils themselves in the school context. It would be helpful to allocate additional time so that pupils can act out their scenes to the rest of the group. Finally, the pupils are required to consider or identify a problem that they may have had in the past and to then discuss this in the group of three and attempt to act it out, in order to achieve a better outcome for themselves and successfully utilise the mediation process. Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 109

4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive. It would also be helpful to reinforce these positives by encouraging pupils to identify one thing that each member of the group has done well in the session. This could take the form of a Golden Scroll for each pupil (particularly if the group is small in number, e.g. between 6-8 pupils). For this activity, the facilitator needs to obtain a large piece of paper, approximately one metre in length, and a large gold marker pen. The name of the pupil can be written at the top of the paper and the facilitator then can go around the circle asking each pupil to say something nice about the pupil whose scroll it is. They can choose an attribute or a specific skill or something that the pupil has done well in the session. Then, with the appropriate ceremony, the scroll can be awarded to the named pupil. As time constraints will not allow for each pupil to be awarded a golden scroll in each session, the facilitator may wish to identify, or ask the whole group to nominate, one or more pupils at the end of each session. It will be important to keep a record of this activity so as to ensure that all involved pupils have been awarded a golden scroll by the end of the course.

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Problem Postcard Hello, My name is David and I go to Lancaster Park School in Nottingham. It’s a great school because we have lots to do – we even have a swimming pool and sports centre because we are next to our local high school and that is a community school. Even my dad goes there for his own studying because he’s learning to be a plumber. Anyway, my problem is quite tricky I think because it has to do with all the kids in my class. They just don’t seem to be able to get on. Every single day there is an argument. It is often about stupid things like who is first in the queue, whose turn it is to play football, who wants to share the paints or whose turn it is to take the register to the office. The problem is that people don’t listen to each other. If they can’t get what they want straight away, then they just shout or grab or storm off in a huff. It’s got so bad that I just don’t like going into the classroom anymore because I don’t feel safe – it’s like anyone could just go for you for no real reason at any time. I feel sorry for our teacher, Mr Kent, because he looks so fed up and he can’t seem to stop all the arguing. My dad says that school should be the best days of your life but I don’t think he’s got this right. What should I do? Do you have any ideas? Can you help?

David

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Problem-solving Format 1. What is the problem? How does the person feel?

2. Who might help? What could they do?

3. What strategies can the person use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. The best is option

because

5. How will the person know that the problem is solved? What will be different?

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Mediation Process Step 1

The mediator says ‘hi’. The mediator agrees not to take sides The mediator agrees not to offer any solutions. The pupils agree to speak one at a time and not interrupt each other. They agree to show respect. No blaming or accusations.

Step 2

The mediator asks each pupil to describe the problem and how they feel. The mediator repeats what each one says.

Step 3

The mediator asks each pupil to describe how the other one feels.

Step 4

The mediator asks each pupil for suggestions – how can we sort it?

Step 5

The mediator asks the pupils to agree a solution.

N.B. Keep positive Be kind Be respectful Thank you for helping

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Let’s Mediate Don’t forget to follow the mediation process in order to sort out these problems. Role-play in threes – two people and a mediator. Go for it! Act out your scenes to the rest of the group. Kim keeps pushing in the dinner queue to get in first and Khalid feels like punching her because she won’t wait for her turn!

Carlos will not let Hala have a go in goal. Go and mediate!

Go and mediate!

Gemma is angry with Frankie because he won’t give her mobile phone back although she only lent it to him for a day.

Josh is refusing to sit next to Marvin because he says that Tom is too fat and smelly. Go and mediate!

Go and mediate!

Think of a problem you may have had in the past. Discuss this in your groups of three then try and ‘act it out’ and get a better outcome!

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Session 13: Looking Forward

Circle Warm-up Circle Pairs – In this activity the pupils are required to work in pairs whilst still remaining in a circle. The group can have previously been jumbled up, i.e. so that pupils are not sitting next to close friends. The facilitator can then pair the pupils off around the circle and give them each a subject. For example, find out one thing that you didn’t already know about your partner or find out two things that you both have in common. The pupils can then be allocated approximately two minutes of discussion time prior to feeding back to the circle. The feedback process can be done by each pupil in turn. For example, ‘This is Frank – he enjoys going to bingo with his mum’. Praise and positive affirmation need to be forthcoming to those who worked particularly well together. Circle Time Questions The central theme of the session is introduced via a series of questions. These are answered by each pupil in turn around the circle and the initial response can be modelled by the facilitator. This can be done by providing the children with the opening part of the sentence that they may be required to finish. However, we feel that it is essential for the facilitator to also participate and provide the pupils with real life examples from their own experience. The questions can be recorded on a flip-chart or, alternatively, asked by the facilitator. These are as follows: 4 How do I feel when I think about the future? 4 What would be my ideal future or my dream future? 4 What three things do I want to achieve by the time I’m 18 years old? 4 Do we all want the same things in the future or are our aspirations different? Problem Postcard This problem postcard leads directly on from the one in the previous session in that it concerns a change of school, and similar feelings and concerns are raised. However, this problem postcard is written by Shakira who is about to 115

transfer from primary to secondary school. As this transfer is recognised as a particularly significant one for all children, it is clearly pertinent and appropriate that pupils in the group should also consider this process. Shakira’s postcard details how sad she feels about going from primary to secondary school. This process is being presented by teachers in the school as being a positive one and a chance to move on and look forward. However, Shakira is concerned because seemingly, unlike her peers, she feels very nervous about this change and is scared and frightened about the expectations of a high school. She is particularly worried about the teachers being too strict and others bullying her, as well as having too much homework. She is also frightened that she may get stressed and then shout at the teachers and run out because she thinks that they are not listening to her. These have been difficulties in the past for her, as they may well have been for many of the pupils in the group. Once again, the pupils are asked to try and help Shakira with her difficult problem. Problem-solving Format The pupils are then encouraged to make use of the five-stepped problemsolving format in order to address Shakira’s problem. This involves: 1. Identifying the problem and further clarifying how the person concerned feels. 2. Identifying those who might help and what they might be able to do. 3. Identifying possible strategies and listing three options. 4. Asking the pupils to agree on the best option and to give a reason for this. 5. Asking the pupils to make use of visualisation strategies in order to identify how the person will know that the problem is solved, i.e. what will actually be different for him or her. Once again, the facilitator can record pupils’ responses on the problem-solving format, which can be enlarged to A3 size, or the headings can be written up on to a flip-chart. Worksheet Activity The first worksheet activity is entitled ‘Looking Forward’. In this activity each of the pupils is required to write or draw ten things that they would really like to do or achieve in the future. They are asked to record their ideas in the boxes on the sheet. They can be encouraged to discuss their ideas with each other and to compare how similar or different their aspirations are. Finally, they are asked

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to identify an immediate (approximately two month) goal and to clarify the first steps they can take in order to achieve this. The second worksheet activity is entitled ‘My Perfect People’. In this activity, the process of identifying ideals is drawn from personal construct psychology approaches. The pupils are asked to draw and label their ideal self and perfect teacher and school and then to reflect upon these ideals via discussions with peers and/or the facilitator. This discussion involves identifying what the differences are between the ideals and the real things as they exist in the current context. Pupils can then begin to work out what they themselves could do in order to get nearer to their ideals. Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive. It would also be helpful to reinforce these positives by encouraging pupils to identify one thing that each member of the group has done well in the session. This could take the form of a Golden Scroll for each pupil (particularly if the group is small in number, e.g. between 6-8 pupils). For this activity, the facilitator needs to obtain a large piece of paper, approximately one metre in length, and a large gold marker pen. The name of the pupil can be written at the top of the paper and the facilitator then can go around the circle asking each pupil to say something nice about the pupil whose scroll it is. They can choose an attribute or a specific skill or something that the pupil has done well in the session. Then, with the appropriate ceremony, the scroll can be awarded to the named pupil. 117

As time constraints will not allow for each pupil to be awarded a golden scroll in each session, the facilitator may wish to identify, or ask the whole group to nominate, one or more pupils at the end of each session. It will be important to keep a record of this activity so as to ensure that all involved pupils have been awarded a golden scroll by the end of the course.

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Problem Postcard Hello My name is Shakira and I go Lyon Park Junior School in Ealing. I really like my school but as we are in Year 6 now, it’s time for us to think about the future and going to our new High School in September. I feel quite sad in a way because I’ll miss all my friends aand the teachers here. They have been really kind – especially Mr Cornwallis our class teacher. He says that we should feel excited about going to our new schools because it’s a chance to move on and look forward. We all have to write about it (what I’m looking forward to in high school). I drew myself being a gymnast as that is what I’m good at. I want to do that in the future but it does seem like a long way off. Anyway, I just feel a bit funny about it all because everyone else seems really excited about leaving and starting a new school. No one seems to feel like me – or, if they do, they aren’t showing it. I just feel really scared and nervous. I’m frightened that I won’t be able to do the work, I’ll get lost in the big building, older kids will bully me, the teachers will be too strict and they’ll give out too much homework. I’m frightened that I’ll get stressed and then shout at the teachers and run out because I think they’re not listening to me. I don’t want to move on – but I’ve got to. Can you help me? What do your think I should do?

Shakira

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Problem-solving Format 1. What is the problem? How does the person feel?

2. Who might help? What could they do?

3. What strategies can the person use? Option 1 Option 2 Option 3

4. The best is option

because

5. How will the person know that the problem is solved? What will be different?

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Looking Forward Look to the future! Write or draw ten things that you would really like to do or achieve in the future. Write or draw in the boxes below:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Stop, think and reflect! Which goal can you work towards now? Who can help you? What are the first steps you can take?

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My Perfect People Draw and label your perfect self, teacher and school.

Self Teacher

School

Stop and think and talk. What are the differences between your ideals and the real things? Talk about this with a friend and try to work out what you could do to get nearer your ideals.

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Session 14: Final Session

Circle Warm-up The Wish Dish – In this Circle Warm-up of the final session, the children are asked to once again look to the future and identify future goals and aspirations. The facilitator will need to have found a beautiful dish or bowl which then can be passed around the circle with each pupil completing three wishes for the future. The idea here is to reinforce the fact that we need to have visions and dreams of ourselves which are positive and forward looking in order to remain motivated and enable the change process to take place effectively. It would be useful for the facilitator to initially model this by identifying his or her three wishes for the future. Circle Time Questions In this final session the pupils are required to participate in a brainstorming activity which involves identifying, and subsequently recording, what they have learnt during the course of the programme. The facilitator can start by asking each pupil in turn around the circle, what they think they have learnt from the programme. The facilitator can participate in order to initially model responses and provide prompts and ideas for the pupils. This will help increase the sense of empathy that pupils have developed and further build upon positive relationships between the facilitator and the pupils. The questions for this session are as follows: 4 What have we learnt? 4 What have we enjoyed most in these sessions? 4 What has been the hardest thing? 4 What has been the easiest thing? 4 What has been the most fun thing? 4 What difference do we think this programme will make for us in the future?

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Worksheet Activities As this is the final session, there is no problem postcard to be addressed as the pupils are simply encouraged to engage in a process of reflection and evaluation prior to looking forwards to the future. The first worksheet activity is entitled ‘Bull’s-eye’ and leads directly on from the Circle Time questions – the pupils are required to record the things that they have learnt during the course on the worksheet. This can be done in pairs and the previous conversation will certainly prompt responses and ideas here. The second worksheet activity is entitled ‘Course Evaluation’. In this activity each pupil is individually asked to reflect upon his or her skills and feelings and what they have learnt during the course of the programme. A series of statements are listed across two pages and pupils are asked to tick against those that they feel now apply to them. The pupils are then asked to look carefully at the list and identify areas that they still need to work on. These can then be recorded on the final worksheet entitled, ‘Hit the Bull’s-eye’ which asks pupils to identify four targets which will help them to further change, develop and succeed in the future. Closing Compliments The final Circle Time aims to provide each of the pupils with positive feedback. It will be important for the facilitator to ensure that each pupil is given a compliment and this may include highlighting the following behaviour or responses: 4 listening well and attentively 4 taking turns 4 showing empathy 4 being thoughtful 4 supporting someone who found responding difficult 4 working hard to solve the set problem 4 building on others’ ideas 4 overcoming any initial embarrassment or fear 4 being honest and reflective 4 making a contribution 4 having a go and being positive. During this final session, it may be appropriate to provide each pupil with verbal feedback rather than focus on a few individuals via the golden scroll activity. 124

Final Award Ceremony Finally, the facilitator can award each pupil a Certificate of Completion that congratulates him or her on succeeding in the Problem Postcards programme. These should be photocopied or printed from the CD-ROM on to card and written prior to the start of the session, so that they can be awarded at this point in the lesson. However, in order to place additional value on the whole process, it may well be appropriate to award these certificates in a more formal forum, i.e. a whole-school assembly. This is something that will need to be decided amongst the school or centre staff. However this is done, it is vital that each pupil receives positive affirmation, praise and encouragement to move on to a less problematic future.

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Bull’s-eye! We’ve done it! We’ve completed the Problem Postcard Course. What have we learnt? Brainstorm your ideas around the dart board.

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Course Evaluation Reflect on your skills and feelings. What have you learnt? Tick against the statements that are true for you. I know how I feel I can describe how I feel I can understand how others feel I have learnt how to take turns I have learnt how to get on with others I am better at listening I can say what makes me angry I have learnt to use anger spoilers I think that I can be assertive I can accept compliments I can pay compliments to others I feel good about myself most of the time I have learnt how to support my friends when they are trying to improve their behaviour

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Course Evaluation 2 I can concentrate more in class I can use the problem-solving framework I understand mediation and how to solve problems I know that I can respect others when they are different to me I know that I can change my behaviour I know the difference between internal and external control I mainly have internal control and I don’t blame others I know when I am stressed and I can use strategies to help myself I know what will be different when I’ve met my targets I know who to ask if I need help

Thank you for completing this form. Look carefully and work out areas you still need to work on. Use the target sheet to record them.

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Hit the Bull’s-eye! Look to the future! Stop, think and reflect. What do your targets need to be? Discuss in your group and then record them below. In order to hit the bull’s-eye, I need to…

3

1

4

2

How will I know if I hit my targets? How will I know if things are starting to go wrong?

What will I do? Who will help me?

Go for it! Do your best! Be a star! 129

Congratulations!

has successfully completed the Problem Postcards Programme

Signed

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Dated

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Rutter M. (1991) Pathways from children to adult life Pastoral Care in Education vol.9 no.3 Sharp, P. (2001) Nurturing Emotional Literacy: A Practical Guide for Teachers, Parents and those in the Caring Professions, London, David Fulton Publishers. Sheldon, B. (1995) Cognitive Behavioural Therapy: Research, Practice and Philosophy, London, Routledge. Warden, E., Christie, D. (1997) Teaching Social Behaviour, London, David Fulton Publishers. Wardle, C., Rae, T, (2002) School Survival - Helping Students Survive and Succeed in Secondary School, Bristol, Lucky Duck Publishing. White, M. (1999) Picture This, Guided Imagery for Circle Time, Bristol, Lucky Duck Publishing.

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