Promoting Personal Safety in PSHE (Lucky Duck Books)

Promoting Personal Safety in PSHE

A Lucky Duck Book

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Promoting Personal Safety in PSHE Jane Harries

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© Jane Harries 2006 First published 2006 Apart from any fair dealing for the purposes of research or private study, or criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988, this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form, or by any means, only with the prior permission in writing of the publishers, or in the case of reprographic reproduction, in accordance with the terms of licences issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency. Enquiries concerning reproduction outside those terms should be sent to the publishers. Rights to copy pages marked as handouts, certificates or overhead foils are extended to the purchaser of the publication for his/her use. The right of the author to be identified as Author of this work has been asserted by him/her in accordance with the Copyright, Design and Patents Act 1988. Paul Chapman Publishing A SAGE Publications Company 1 Oliver’s Yard 55 City Road London EC1Y 1SP SAGE Publications Inc. 2455 Teller Road Thousand Oaks, California 91320 SAGE Publications India Pvt Ltd B-42, Panchsheel Enclave Post Box 4109 New Delhi 110 017 www.luckyduck.co.uk Commissioning Editor: George Robinson Editorial Team: Mel Maines, Wendy Ogden, Sarah Lynch Designer: Jess Wright A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library Library of Congress Control Number 200600197 ISBN10 1-4129-1822-7 ISBN10 1-4129-1823-5 (pbk)

ISBN13 978-1-4129-1822-0 ISBN13 978-1-4129-1823-7 (pbk)

Printed on paper from sustainable resources Printed in Great Britain by The Cromwell Press Ltd, Trowbridge, Wiltshire

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Contents Acknowledgements ............................................................................................. vii Foreword by Peter Clarke, Children’s Commissioner for Wales and Al Aynsley-Green, Children’s Commissioner for England .................................... ix Introduction ............................................................................................................1 Section A: Rights and Responsibilities ..................................................................9 Introduction ................................................................................................................................10 Unit 1: Rights – What Rights? ...................................................................................................11 Unit 2: Where Do I Stand? ........................................................................................................22 Unit 3: It’s Good to be Different!................................................................................................26 Unit 4: Passive – Aggressive – Assertive..................................................................................31 Resources and Sources of Help and Support ..........................................................................41

Section B: Right Relationships ............................................................................43 Introduction ................................................................................................................................44 Unit 1: Keeping Myself Safe......................................................................................................45 Unit 2: Defining Healthy and Abusive Relationships .................................................................53 Unit 3: Bullying ..........................................................................................................................56 Unit 4: Friendships and Peer Pressure .....................................................................................65 Unit 5: Making and Maintaining Relationships ..........................................................................70 Unit 6: Problem-solving and Decision Making ..........................................................................75 Unit 7: Coping with Conflict .......................................................................................................79 Unit 8: Handling Anger ..............................................................................................................86 Unit 9: Safe and Sound Relationships ......................................................................................98 Unit 10: Understanding Sexual Abuse ....................................................................................109 Unit 11: Sexual Abuse on the Internet ....................................................................................117 Unit 12: Happy Families? Relationships at Home ..................................................................125 Resources and Sources of Help and Support ........................................................................131

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Section C: Right On! Keeping Positive When the Going Gets Tough...............133 Introduction ..............................................................................................................................134 Unit 1: Feeling Good About Myself .........................................................................................135 Unit 2: Dealing with Feelings ..................................................................................................141 Unit 3: Think Positive! .............................................................................................................148 Unit 4: Beating the Blues ........................................................................................................160 Unit 5: But What If…? Coping with Anxiety.............................................................................165 Unit 6: ‘It’s Doing My Head In!’ Coping with Stress ................................................................175 Unit 7: All Change! Coping with Change and Loss .................................................................187 Unit 8: Be Good to Yourself – Understanding Self-harm ........................................................198 Resources and Sources of Help and Support ........................................................................206

Bibliography .......................................................................................................207

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Acknowledgements There are many people whom I would like to thank for their support in making this curriculum resource possible. To the many NSPCC staff who have inspired, encouraged and cajoled me, who have piloted activities and proofread materials. In particular, however, to the Wrexham Schools’ Team, without whose inspiration this resource would not have become reality. To the Support and Advisory Group, who encouraged and supported me, piloted materials and provided feedback. To the many schools in Wales who received pilot materials and expressed interest in the development of the resource. To my PA, Mari, for tirelessly following up people for feedback, doing background research, and getting the final copy ready for printing. To Protective Behaviours Ltd. UK, for permission to use some protective behaviours ideas in Section B, Unit 1. To Northumbria Mental Health Trust, whose downloadable resource: Depression and Low Mood (1999) has been a useful source of reference for Section C of this pack. To young people and staff at the Amber Project in Cardiff, who kindly allowed me to quote their words about self-harm from their publication Louder than Words. I sincerely hope that this resource will be used and enjoyed by young people and staff in schools in the UK, and will help young people to gain the information and skills they need to ensure their safety, happiness and wellbeing. Jane Harries

NSPCC The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) is the UK’s leading charity specialising in child protection and the prevention of cruelty to children. Registered charity no. 216401 www.nspcc.org.uk

The information in this resource is current up to the date of publication in 2006.

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How to use the CD-ROM The CD-ROM contains PDF files, labeled ‘Worksheets.pdf ’ which consist of worksheets for each unit in this resource. You will need Acrobat Reader version 3 or higher to view and print these resources. To photocopy the worksheets directly from this book, set your photocopier to enlarge by 125% and align the edge of the page to be copied against the copier glass (usually indicated by an arrow). On page 23 in this book there is a list of some important articles taken from the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. On the CD-ROM, we have included these articles in a larger format as a separate PDF so you can print them for the jigsaw activity.

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Foreword In my work as Children’s Commissioner, I have been surprised by the small number of children who have knowledge or understanding of their rights. Many children have never even heard of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. This is regrettable in itself and all agencies should be working with children to increase their awareness. As signatories to the Convention, the UK government has a particular responsibility to do so. I have been even more worried by the fact that many children and young people do not have a real sense of the boundaries between acceptable and unacceptable adult behaviour towards them. This became particularly evident as I listened to the alleged victims during the ‘Clywch’ inquiry. Many of them sensed that what was happening was abusive but were not sure even in extreme cases. It is obvious that those who wish to exploit or harm children will be able to do so more easily if children themselves are confused about, or ignorant of, what they have a right to expect of adults. I am really pleased that the NSPCC has produced Promoting Personal Safety in PSHE as a resource that will enable children to gain understanding and skills in this vital area. Using it will help to safeguard our young and give them personal resources of benefit for years to come. Used well, it will also help build trust between children and responsible adults – a relationship of mutual respect that benefits us all. Peter Clarke Children’s Commissioner for Wales

My role as Children’s Commissioner is to ensure that the views, interests, needs and rights of England’s 11.8 million children and young people are taken seriously. I, too, have found that there is little awareness of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child among children and young people – nor, for that matter, among the adult population. My priorities as Children’s Commissioner reflect those of the children and young people I represent. Their health and wellbeing is an area on which my work focuses. Bullying (from adults as well as peers) is one of the main issues that children and young people raise with me, and this is part of the whole spectrum of unacceptable behaviour. In England, the Children Act 2004 requires all professionals to work towards achieving five outcomes with children and young people – keeping safe is one of them. Like my counterpart in Wales, I am concerned that many children and young people do not have a sense of what is acceptable and nonacceptable behaviour between each other and from adults. I welcome NSPCC’s Personal, Social and Health Education (PSHE) resource. PSHE is an important curriculum area in England’s schools as it promotes the emotional and social development of children and young people. It also helps them to develop the skills and confidence they need to keep themselves safe and, perhaps most importantly of all, to ask for help if they are scared, worried or confused. Developing skills and understanding in this area is another step towards a society where children and young people feel they are safe. Al Aynsley-Green Children’s Commissioner for England

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Introduction Promoting Personal Safety in PSHE is a teaching resource for use with the Key Stage 3 and 4 Personal, Social and Health Education (PSHE) Curriculum in England, the Personal and Social Education (PSE) Framework in Wales, the Personal and Social Education in Scotland, and the Personal Education Programme in Northern Ireland. Its main aim is to help young people to acquire the necessary knowledge, skills and attitudes to keep themselves safe and to develop positive coping skills and relationships, now and in the future.

Background The conviction that this resource is necessary has sprung from direct work with young people of secondary school age undertaken by staff employed by the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) in Wales. Underpinning the resource are the following fundamental principles: • Young people need to know that they have rights (as laid down in the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child), and to be able to identify them. • Young people should know what forms abusive behaviour can take – including bullying, peer pressure, sexual harassment, domestic violence and all forms of abuse. • Young people should be helped to acquire the skills to cope with abusive situations themselves if possible, and to know where and how to access help and support. These principles were reinforced for us during a consultation day held with young people from all secondary schools in the Wrexham area in 2003 to find out what they wanted from PSE lessons in school. The young people told us clearly that they would like to deal with issues that affect them directly in interesting and relevant ways. Some of the issues they wished to address through PSE were: • rights – knowing what your rights are • relationships – including family relationships • how people can emotionally damage you • positive and abusive sexual relationships • depression and self-harm • stress – what causes it and what to do about it. The skills they would like to acquire through PSE sessions are those that can help them cope better and to manage relationships. These included knowing how to: • handle all sorts of strong feelings • have confidence and self-esteem • express yourself and talk about your feelings • recognise physical and emotional abuse, and to keep yourself safe • develop coping skills and help others with coping skills • access help when necessary. Questions about what knowledge and skills need to be passed on to young people through the PS(H)E curriculum were further raised in Wales by the ‘Clywch’ enquiry (2004). This enquiry was carried out by the Children's Commissioner for Wales, and concerned the case of a secondary school drama teacher who had sexually abused a number of pupils over a considerable period of time in the 1980s. Evidence given by some of the young people during the enquiry highlighted how vulnerable they were because

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of their lack of knowledge and skills: ‘I didn't know whether it was right or wrong... but I did it, I went along with it anyway because he was my mentor’, and, ‘He used to refer to me as special and I believed I was special to him. I am still finding it hard to accept that it was abuse.’ Others expressed their opinion as to how they might have been better protected: ‘It's about educating children about if somebody does this to you it's wrong...’, and, ‘Children need to be aware of their rights. I didn't know it was abuse.’ Although such high profile cases as the Clywch enquiry are, thankfully, relatively rare, we know that child abuse happens, and that it always has detrimental long-term effects for the young people concerned. Indeed, a large scale prevalence study carried out by the NSPCC in 2000 suggests that the problem of child maltreatment may well be greater than is commonly believed. Young people need to know that abusive and manipulative relationships are never right or acceptable. They also need to have the skills to challenge such relationships, or to access appropriate help and support. In addition, young people who tend to be abusive or manipulative towards others need to recognise the hurtful nature of their behaviour and be helped to change. We hope that this resource will go some way to enabling young people to access the necessary knowledge and skills to keep themselves safe and to develop positive relationships. This resource is in line with recent government legislation and guidance, in particular Section 175 of the 2002 Education Act, which confers on LEAs and governing bodies broader duties to safeguard and promote the welfare of young people in schools. With the concept of Extended Schools (Community Focused Schools in Wales), schools are being increasingly seen as a community resource, where young people and their families can access help and support from a range of professionals. This builds on much good work which is already being undertaken by schools to become emotionally literate communities, for instance, to become Healthy Schools under the National Healthy Schools Standard.

Key Concepts Some important key concepts underlying this resource are: • Abusive and manipulative behaviours can take a number of forms, e.g. physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, bullying, all of which can be damaging to the victim. They can be perpetrated by adults or by peers. • All forms of abusive behaviour are unacceptable. • Everyone has the right to be treated with consideration and respect; no one deserves to be abused or bullied. • Everyone in the school community shares the responsibility to ensure that abusive behaviour doesn't happen. • Knowledge, skills, attitudes and values which help young people to recognise, deal with and report abusive behaviour should be integrated into the curriculum. The curriculum should also help pupils to develop positive models of emotional health and social interaction. • Children should be genuinely listened to and taken seriously, and should know who they can turn to for help and support with personal problems. • Schools must have effective and well-publicised child protection policies and procedures in place. • Schools should also have effective policies and practices in place to prevent and react to abusive behaviours (including bullying), and to promote positive behaviours.

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Links to Personal, Social and Health Education The area of the curriculum to which this resource most nearly relates is PSHE in England, PSE in Wales, PSE in Scotland and the Personal Education programme in Northern Ireland. Many of the content areas, skills and values developed throughout the resource are included in the above curricula in the three nations. Due to devolution education in the different areas of the UK is, however, becoming increasingly diverse, and curricula are constantly under review. With this in mind the I have decided not to link learning outcomes to particular curriculum documents. I hope that colleagues will be able to use elements of the resource flexibly, according to their particular context.

The Organisation of the Resource The resource is divided into three main sections: 1. Section A: Rights and Responsibilities – helps young people to understand their rights, and to explore what they can do if these rights are not being respected. The need to respect the rights of others is also explored, especially minorities. 2. Section B: Right Relationships – helps young people to understand the nature of abusive relationships, and to develop skills to keep themselves and others safe. 3. Section C: Right On! Keeping Positive When the Going Gets Tough – concentrates on emotional health and wellbeing. It looks at periods when young people may be particularly vulnerable, and helps them to understand and cope with conditions such as stress, anxiety and depression. Staff need to understand that these conditions may be signs that a young person is at risk and needs help and support. A crucial element of these three sections is the development of skills to help young people deal with situations in which they may be vulnerable, exploited or manipulated. These skills include: • valuing self and others • understanding and expressing feelings • listening and communicating • making and maintaining positive relationships • assertiveness • problem-solving and decision making • handling strong feelings • developing coping strategies • accessing help and support. The sections are organised into a number of topics, including introductory facilitator's notes and activity sheets. It is hoped that these will be used flexibly so that topics can be covered as the need arises. A topic such as bullying, for instance, may arise in Year 7, and then be revisited in Year 9. Likewise, a topic may be covered in one lesson or over a series of lessons. The introductory facilitator's notes to each topic include the following elements: • overall aim • learning outcomes • a description of the activities • materials that are required • any sensitive issues (which may raise concern about individual pupils) • references to relevant sources of help and support.

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The introductory notes are followed by activity sheets. These are not meant to be ‘worksheets’, but rather to be used to support active learning, where pupils are encouraged to explore issues, discuss, and practise active coping, problem-solving and decision making skills. Although knowledge is imparted via the resource, it is hoped that the teacher's role will be very much one of a facilitator.

Methodology and Setting The pupils with whom we consulted about the content and delivery of the PS(H)E curriculum clearly stated a preference for interactive learning methods, including discussions, role-play and practical activities, which enable them to be involved in their own learning, and to practise essential skills in an enjoyable yet safe environment. In order for effective learning to take place in PS(H)E, including the acquisition of knowledge and skills and the reappraisal of attitudes and values, we believe that the following elements need to be present: • An open, honest and supportive environment, where ground rules have been established about standards of behaviour towards one another and about confidentiality. • An adult who is able to facilitate sessions in a way that encourages participation, mutual respect, learning in fun and interactive ways, and honest discussion of sensitive issues based on confidentiality and mutual respect. Given the above, many of the suggested activities contained in this resource call for a more flexible setting than the traditional classroom. Some activities require pupils to move around, others require them to work in groups. Facilitators will need to think of the implications of this as far as accommodation is concerned, for example, furniture may need to be moved or tables arranged in groups. In the same way, sessions contained in this resource vary according to the length of time required to cover the content and skills contained in them. Some will be easily covered in a one-hour lesson. Others may require a number of lessons, depending on the number of activities included and the pupils' response. Some topics may lend themselves to a project approach. Hopefully facilitators will, to a large extent, be led by pupils’ needs when considering how much time to spend on a given topic. The materials required for each unit are listed in the facilitator’s notes. However, as a general guideline the following materials are useful to have on hand: • flip-chart paper • pens • Post-its • a soft object to pass during Circle Time or group games. Learning activities are described in the facilitator's notes that accompany each topic, but some of the methodologies which are commonly suggested are outlined below.

Circle Time This is a useful group format in order to share ideas, opinions and feelings in an open and respectful way. Participants are seated in a circle, including the facilitator. A topic is introduced, for example, how bullying makes people feel, and each participant is invited to give an oral contribution, going round the circle one at a time. During this process all other participants must listen respectfully, and no one is allowed to interrupt or make comments on what is said. Although pupils are encouraged to speak, it is also permissible to pass. Circle Time should be fun, and should include a mixture of activities, for example, a go-around (as above), pair-work, group activities or games, problem-solving and time for reflection. Some resources providing more information about how to develop Circle Time in the secondary school setting are given in the Bibliography at the end of this resource.

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Gaining and sharing information in interactive ways • Jigsaw: pupils have certain bits of information but have to work together to put the whole picture together. The information is then usually discussed in groups. • Quizzes, True or false? Reality or myth? • Information safari: information from magazine articles, cards and posters is spread around the room, and pupils are given specific bits of information to find out (against the clock!). • Mini-research: groups of pupils are given responsibility for finding out particular bits of information, from websites and other reference sources, and for bringing them back to the rest of the group, for example, in the form of a presentation. • Hot seating: pupils who have done some research, the facilitator, or even an outside speaker if they are willing, are put in the ‘hot seat’, and have to answer questions prepared by the class. • External speakers: pupils prepare questions to ask.

Sharing and exploring ideas, opinions and feelings • Brainstorming: A good way of getting down the group’s ideas on a given topic quickly. The facilitator simply writes down the ideas generated by the group on a piece of flip-chart. Where information may be confidential or embarrassing, pupils can write ideas on Post-its first, and then stick them on the flip-chart. • Snowballing: Pupils share ideas about a given topic in pairs for a given time (e.g. two minutes); each pair then joins with another pair to form a foursome, and ideas are shared for another two minutes; the foursomes then join to become groups of eight, and pool ideas again, before reporting back to the main group. • What? What? What? Or How? How? How? This technique enables a group to explore an issue in more detail. The questions, ‘What?’ or, ‘How?’ are asked over and over again, until participants reach quite a detailed understanding, for example: ‘What is bullying?’ ‘Well, it can be physical violence.’ ‘What is physical violence?’

‘Hitting, kicking, punching...’

• Small group work: This enables all pupils to listen and communicate in a safe environment. With larger groups, each group can feed back their ideas to the main group. • Top tips: Getting down a group’s ideas about the how best to tackle a problem. • Hopes and fears: Participants can be asked to put down their hopes on one Post-it and their fears on another, and then stick their Post-its on sheets of flip-chart. This enables hopes and fears to be discussed openly, without identifying individuals. • Whole-group discussion for problem-solving: Various techniques for enabling young people to think through problems in a structured way are suggested under the individual topics. • Graffiti wall: Large pieces of flip-chart can be put up on the wall at the beginning of the session, and young people can be encouraged to write up their opinion on a given topic during the session.

Assessing values and attitudes • Ranking and prioritising: Pupils are asked to put behaviours or concepts in order of importance, e.g. what characteristics are most important in a good friend? This can be straight ranking or in the shape of a diamond, which allows for more flexibility and group discussion.

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• Values continuum: The facilitator calls out a statement and the pupils go to one end of the room or the other, according to whether they agree or disagree with the statement. Pupils can then volunteer to say why they are standing ‘on the line’ where they are. People are allowed to reconsider and change places if they wish. • Okay or not okay? This is useful for thinking about acceptable and unacceptable behaviours, for instance. This is similar to the values continuum above, but pupils place themselves on a continuum according to how they rate given behaviours.

Practising skills • Activities and games: These are a good way of getting young people to participate, listen and communicate, and to practise skills. Young people can learn whilst having fun – and doing things helps to make things stick! • Role-play and simulation exercises: By getting into role young people can imagine what they would do in a given situation, and share their thoughts and feelings with others. • Case-studies: These can be effective, because they can be adapted from real life situations. Young people could be asked to share ideas about how they would have responded in a given situation. Pupils can make up their own case-studies.

Dealing with Sensitive Issues This resource deals with extremely serious issues, including all forms of abusive relationships, stress and bereavement. Teachers may well ask themselves why young people need to deal with such topics. Are we not unnecessarily destroying young people’s innocence and raising their anxiety levels? Although such concerns are valid and spring from a genuine desire to protect, we believe that young people are better safeguarded by having correct knowledge and by developing the necessary skills to keep themselves safe. If young people are unaware of the process of sexual grooming, for instance, either on or offline, then they are less likely to be alert to its signs and symptoms. Young people should be better equipped to withstand bullying behaviours if they have been able to practise being assertive in role-play situations, and know where to access help. The young people we consulted with told us that they wish to deal with real issues in PS(H)E, and to be helped to develop the necessary skills to cope with difficult situations. Some teachers may feel ill equipped to facilitate some of the areas contained in this resource. Partnership working is crucial here, and hopefully, schools will be able to draw on external facilitators for some topics, for example, around domestic abuse, sexual exploitation and mental health. Young people welcome input from different sources and the opportunity to gain information from, and put questions to, professionals with expertise in specific fields. With appropriate help and support, we hope that both pupils and staff will find working with this resource an informative and enjoyable experience. It is important that information is passed on to young people in ways that are sensitive and age appropriate. Staff will need to consider at what age and at what level to introduce some of the topics contained within this resource, for example, appropriate sexual relationships and domestic abuse. Confidentiality and its limits will need to be discussed at the outset. Young people must be clear that, in general, personal information will be kept within the group, but that any information which indicates someone is being harmed or in danger of being harmed must be passed on. Pupils should be aware who the designated teacher is in school, what their role is and what information they are required to pass on to social services or others. All staff within the school setting should receive basic child protection training, and be alert to signs and indicators of abuse. They also need to be clear about their duty to pass on to the designated teacher any information which indicates that a child is being harmed or at risk of being harmed, and to know how to respond to a disclosure. Some basic guidance on responding to disclosures is given below.

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If you receive a disclosure: • DO listen and try to remain calm and professional. • DO reassure the young person that they've done the right thing in telling you. • DO clarify your obligation to share the information in order to obtain help. • DO make factual notes as soon as possible – date, time, place, words of the child. • DO tell the allocated child protection person as soon as possible, or social services, the police or the NSPCC. • DO ensure support for yourself. • DON'T promise not to tell anyone else. • DON'T ask leading questions. • DON'T express disbelief in what the child is saying. • DON'T show feelings of shock or revulsion. • DON'T seem to reproach the child, e.g. ‘Why didn't you tell me before?’ • DON'T leave it! Policies and procedures should also be in place in school so that concerns about pupils' welfare are professionally handled and passed on where appropriate. The following is a checklist of some of the things that should be in place in schools: • a designated teacher with responsibility for Child Protection issues • an up-to-date Child Protection and Safeguarding policy • a copy of relevant government legislation and guidance concerning all aspects of pupil welfare (e.g. child protection, sex education, inclusion, handling allegations) • area Child Protection Committee guidelines • well-known procedures for handling suspected cases of abuse • regular training for all staff and governors on safeguarding issues • support for staff dealing with disclosures • a protective curriculum, which gives pupils the knowledge and skills to keep themselves safe and to access help when necessary • a listening and supportive environment, supported by actual services (e.g. school counsellor, peer supporters, pastoral team, school nurse).

Developing a Safe and Caring School Community Since these materials deal with sensitive issues, it is important that the ethos and structures are in place in schools to support young people as and when they need help and support. Young people should have a number of well-publicised sources of advice and support available to them in schools, and understand the boundaries of confidentiality which apply to these services (i.e. what they can keep secret and what they must pass on in order to keep pupils safe). Ideally schools should have: • an effective pastoral system (including form tutors and Heads of Year) • a peer support and mediation service • a school nurse • a school counsellor.

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In addition to these channels of support, schools can help to protect and nurture young people by developing: • a positive and caring ethos, reinforced at all levels of school life, and reinforced by the behaviours shown by everyone • a positive behaviour policy • a consistent, effective and well-publicised anti-bullying policy • codes of behaviour both for pupils and for staff which those concerned have been involved in drawing up • a working school council • methods of teaching and learning which reinforce respect and cooperation • a dedicated PS(H)E department • a concern for the whole young person at the centre of everything that the school does. Although we can do everything possible to create a caring and protective environment in school, we know that some young people come to school with emotional baggage far heavier than the schoolbags they carry. We hope that the materials and ideas contained in this resource may help some of these pupils to develop the necessary knowledge and skills to cope better with their circumstances, or to seek appropriate help and support.

Accessing Further Information, Help or Support Details of organisations which can provide additional information, help and support are given throughout this resource. It is important that the Helpline numbers of the NSPCC and ChildLine are made available to young people, as some young people may prefer to speak to a professional counsellor anonymously about worries or concerns. The Helpline numbers of these two charities are: NSPCC: 0800 800 5000 (England and Northern Ireland) or 0808 100 2524 (Wales) ChildLine: 0800 1111 Further materials from the NSPCC which can help schools in formulating and implementing child protection policies are: • Stop Check – a booklet which will help schools to review and revise their child protection policy and ensure that procedures are in place. • Educare – a distance-learning package, enabling participants to acquire basic knowledge about child protection.

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A Section A

Rights and Responsibilities

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Introduction Without a proper understanding of what their rights should be, it is difficult for children and young people to know when those rights are being infringed. Children are vulnerable in terms of physical strength, knowledge and understanding, and therefore depend on adults for protection, wellbeing and development. This section aims to give young people information about their rights, as laid out in the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child and the skills to know what to do if these rights aren’t being respected. Pupils are also led to reflect to what extent they respect the rights of their fellow pupils, in particular those who may be considered minorities, or ‘different’ in some way. The activities in this section help to develop the skills of assertiveness, both for oneself and on behalf of others, respect and empathy. NSPCC staff working with young people in schools in Wales are surprised how few pupils have heard of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, let alone know of its contents. Although this convention doesn’t have the force of legislation, it does act as a ‘gold standard’, laying down international standards which countries should adhere to in terms of children’s rights to survival, protection, personal development and participation. By working through the activities in Unit 1 (Rights – What Rights?), pupils will gain a better understanding of the nature of these basic rights, much of which we take for granted in the UK, and be able to distinguish between needs and privileges. They will also come to understand that particular rights (for example, what age a young person is allowed to drink or get married) depend on circumstances, including one’s country of residence and economic status. Young people also need to understand why children require special rights, and that they may be vulnerable to manipulation, exploitation or abuse because of their age or developmental stage. Unit 2 (Where Do I Stand?) will enable pupils to assess to what extent their rights are being met in different contexts, and to take part in scenarios where these rights may be being compromised. The basic rights conferred on young people by the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child are inalienable, irrespective of nationality, colour, creed, ability, social standing or sexual orientation. In Unit 3 (It’s Good to be Different!), pupils reflect on ways in which the rights of young people in minorities may not be respected, and how this must make them feel. They also have the opportunity to reflect on their own prejudices, and think about what they would do if faced with a situation where another young person’s rights were compromised. In order to stand up for one’s own rights and those of others in positive and effective ways, young people need to understand the difference between being passive, aggressive and assertive. Unit 4 helps pupils to make this distinction, and to practise being assertive through taking part in a quiz and some role-play scenarios. They should also understand that being aggressive tends not only to land you in trouble, but can be counter-productive as well.

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Unit 1: Rights – What Rights?

A

Unit 1: Rights – What Rights? Overall Aim To enable young people to find out about their rights as laid down in the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Learning Outcomes At the end of this unit, pupils will: • Have correct information about their rights as laid down in the UN Convention. • Understand why children and young people need special rights, and who is responsible for safeguarding them. • Consider at what age young people can do certain things in the UK, and whether the government has got it right. • Draw up their own charter of key rights for young people.

Activities Introduction It is suggested that a certain amount of preliminary work is done around what we mean by rights. Firstly, ask the pupils to work in groups to draw up a definition. These definitions are then shared in the whole group, and a consensus is reached. Pupils then work in smaller groups and look at the cards on the sheet Rights or Privileges? Pupils sort out the cards according to whether they think these are basic rights or needs, or whether they are things that they might want but which are not essential to children's welfare and development.

Paper Carousel Divide the class into four groups, and have four sheets of flip-chart paper prepared, each with one of the following questions at the top: 1. What key rights should young people have? (Stress that they need to think of young people in general, not just in the UK.) 2. Why do children and young people need special rights? 3. Who is responsible for making sure that children and young people’s rights are met? 4. Who can children and young people turn to if they feel their rights aren’t being respected? The groups have about five minutes to get down their ideas about the question at the top of their sheet of flip-chart. The groups now move on: they look at the ideas of the previous group and add any ideas of their own. The process is repeated until each group has considered the four questions. The groups then report back the ideas of the whole group and these are discussed.

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A Unit 1: Rights – What Rights?

The UN Convention Give out the information sheet on the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, and the sheet outlining some of the most important Articles. Stress that these are international standards which have been ‘ratified’ (signed up to) by most countries in the world, but that these need to be backed up by legislation and services in each country.

Quiz: At What Age Can I...? In small groups the pupils look at the quiz and try to decide at what age young people have the right to do certain things. The facilitator then goes over the answers. Do the young people think the law has got it right?

Answers to the questions: 1.

Work full time – 16.

2.

Buy a lottery ticket – 16.

3.

Buy a pet – 12.

4.

Have a tattoo – 18.

5.

Be held responsible for fastening seat belt – 14.

6.

Give evidence in court – any age.

7.

Get a part-time job – 13.

8.

Have a beer, cider or perry in a restaurant – 16.

9.

Be convicted of a criminal offence – 10.

10. Join the armed forces – 16 (boy); 17 (girl). 11. Baby-sit – no age stipulated. 12. Buy fireworks – 18. 13. Have full criminal responsibility for your actions – 14. 14. Open a bank account – 18. 15. Get married – 16 with permission; 18 without. 16. Apply for a pilot’s licence – 17.

According to the age and understanding of the young people the following questions could be discussed: •

Do these age limits ensure that children's rights are respected?

•

With rights come responsibilities: are young people given responsibility too soon?

•

What information, advice and support may they need?

In an Ideal World... In groups, ask the pupils to draw up their Charter of Rights for young people, using the My Charter of Rights sheet. This may include a consideration of what they would like from adults in terms of their happiness, health and wellbeing. They will also need to ensure that their charter is realisable for all young people, and that their rights don't have negative consequences for the happiness, health and wellbeing of others.

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Unit 1: Rights – What Rights?

A

Materials • The sheet Rights or Privileges? printed onto card and cut up into sets for use with small groups. • Flip-chart paper and pens. • Information sheets on the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (x 2). • Quiz sheet At What Age Can I? • The sheet My Charter of Rights for Children. Some organisations produce pocket-sized young people-friendly versions of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, for example, the Centre for Education in World Citizenship and Save the Children. It may be worth procuring a copy of one of these for each pupil in the class.

Sensitive Issues It could become apparent during this lesson that the rights of a pupil in the group were not being respected. The facilitator would need to decide whether this was something which was a cause for concern, and whether he/she needed to pursue a further open conversation with the pupil about what had been said at an appropriate time and place.

Sources of Help and Support A list of useful sources of information is given at the end of Section A of this pack. Particularly helpful is UNICEF's young people-friendly website www.therightssite.org.uk, where some very good resources can be downloaded, including a version of the UN Convention for young people and a Little Book of Rights, explaining what children’s rights are in an attractive and accessible manner.

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A1

Rights or Privileges? Copy this sheet onto card and cut up. Pupils sort the cards according to whether they think they are basic rights or needs, or things which are not essential to children’s welfare and development.

Clean water

Medical care

Adequate and nourishing food

A loving family

An education

A university education

Protection from cruel and harmful behaviour

Time to relax and play

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Rights or Privileges?

Money according to needs

Language and culture

Reliable information

Special care as necessary

TV in your bedroom

Adequate and suitable clothing

Designer labels

Friends

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A1

Rights or Privileges?

A mobile phone

Access to the Internet

Access to a leisure centre

Good transport

Pocket money

Adults who listen

Foreign travel

McDonald’s

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The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child Information Sheet

A1

Some key facts about the UN Convention: • The UN Convention was drawn up in 1989. It is an agreement between the countries which ratify it (sign up) to obey the same (international) law. • It contains 54 ‘articles’ which give young people under 18 years old special rights. • It has been ratified by over 123 countries across the world. • It was ratified by the UK on 16th December 1992.

Why a special set of rights for children? We have a Human Rights Act in force in the UK. Why do we need a convention to protect the rights of children? Children depend on adults for: • their health and safety • their standard of living • love and affection • a home • education and culture • leisure • personal development and career opportunities. Adults therefore have a responsibility to ensure that children's rights are respected. These adults include: • Parents (or those with parental responsibility) • Teachers and educators • Local and national government.

Key areas The Articles listed in the Convention can be seen to fall into four key areas: 1. The right to survive – including the provision of enough food, clean water and medical care; the right to a reasonable standard of living. 2. The right to protection, e.g. from all types of abuse; from unfair discrimination; from dangerous work. 3. The right to personal development, e.g. through education and leisure, and the right to special services where necessary. 4. The right to participate, especially where decisions taken may affect children and young people.

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A1

The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child Some Important Articles Article 6:

You have the right to survive and to develop healthily.

Article 7:

You have a right to a name and a nationality. You have the right to know and, as far as possible, be cared for by your parents.

Article 9:

You should not be separated from your parents unless it's for your own good (e.g. in cases of maltreatment or neglect).

Article 12:

You have the right to say what you think, and to have your opinion taken into account, when decisions are being made which affect you.

Article 13:

You have the right to get and share information, as long as it is not damaging to yourself or others.

Article 14:

You have the right to think and believe what you want (e.g. to practise a religion), as long as you aren't stopping other people from enjoying their rights.

Article 15:

You have the right to meet together and to join groups and organisations, as long as this doesn't stop other people from enjoying their rights.

Article 16:

You have the right to privacy.

Article 17:

You have the right to reliable information from the mass media (e.g. TV, radio). Information should be in a form which you can understand, and should not be harmful to you.

Article 19:

The Government should make sure that you are properly cared for, and protected from violence, abuse and neglect by your parents or anyone else who looks after you.

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The UN Convention on the Rights of the Child Some Important Articles Article 22:

If you are a refugee, you should have the same rights as children born in your adoptive country.

Article 23:

If you have any kind of disability, you should receive special care and support so that you can lead a fully independent life.

Article 24:

You have the right to good quality health care, and to clean water, nutritious food and a clean environment.

Article 27:

You have the right to a standard of living that is good enough to meet your physical and mental needs.

Article 28:

You have a right to an education.

Article 29:

Discipline in schools should respect your human dignity. Education should help you to develop your personality and talents to the full.

Article 31:

You have the right to relax and play, and to join in a wide range of activities.

Article 32:

The Government should protect you from work that is dangerous or which might harm your health or your education.

Article 33:

The Government should provide ways of protecting you from dangerous drugs.

Article 34:

The Government should protect you from sexual abuse.

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A1

At What Age Can I...? A Quiz about Young People's Rights According to the law, at what age can you do the following? Do you think that the law has got it right? 1. Work full-time ...................................................................................................................... 2. Buy a lottery ticket ............................................................................................................. 3. Buy a pet ................................................................................................................................ 4. Have a tattoo ........................................................................................................................ 5. Be held responsible for making sure you're wearing a seat-belt when travelling in a car ................................................................................................................................... 6. Give evidence in court ....................................................................................................... 7. Get a part-time job ............................................................................................................. 8. Have a beer, cider or perry with a meal in a restaurant ........................................... 9. Be convicted of a criminal offence if it's proved you knew that what you were doing was seriously wrong ................................................................................................ 10. Join the armed forces ......................................................................................................... 11. Baby-sit ................................................................................................................................... 12. Buy fireworks ........................................................................................................................ 13. Have full criminal responsibility for your actions in the same way as an adult ................................................................................................................................................... 14. Open a bank account .......................................................................................................... 15. Get married .......................................................................................................................... 16. Apply for a pilot's licence ..................................................................................................

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My Charter of Rights for Children

A1

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

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A Unit 2: Where Do I Stand?

Unit 2: Where Do I Stand? Overall Aim To help pupils to consider to what extent their rights are being met in different contexts, and to discuss what they could do if their rights weren't being respected.

Learning Outcomes At the end of this unit, pupils will: • Have a realistic idea of whether their rights are being met in different contexts, and what barriers there may be to this happening. • Consider scenarios where their rights are not being respected and practise the necessary skills to ensure that their needs are met.

Activities Jigsaw The A4 copies of Articles 12, 14, 15, 17, 28, 29 and 31 are copied onto sheets of coloured card, each Article onto a different colour, and cut up into the correct number of pieces to correspond with the number of pupils in the class. The jigsaw pieces are then put into a large envelope and jumbled up, and pupils pick out a piece each. Pupils get into groups according to the colour card they have, and put their pieces together to assemble an Article of the UN Convention. The groups are now given the sheet Children's Rights, and consider to what extent the right on their card is met at home, in school, and in the community. What stops this right being respected and what could they do about it? The groups feed back to the whole group.

What Can I Do? Scenarios Pupils look at the scenarios What Can I Do? in small groups, and decide which Article of the UN Convention isn't being met. They then discuss what the young people in the scenarios could do if these situations happened to them. What could they say? What could they do? Who could they turn to for help and advice? The groups choose one scenario to work on and either produce a dramatic representation to present to the rest of the class, or make up a comic strip depicting the situation and showing how the young person could find a positive solution.

Top Tips At the end of this unit pupils can list their ideas for ways in which young people can ensure positive outcomes when their rights are not being respected. These are drawn up as Top Tips.

Materials • The Articles 12, 14, 15, 17, 28, 29 and 31 of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child: copied onto sheets of different coloured card, and cut into the same number of pieces as there are pupils in the class, so that every pupil gets one piece and none are left over. • Activity sheet Children's Rights. • Activity sheet What Can I Do? Children’s Rights Scenarios. • Flip-chart and pens to draw up Top Tips or what to do if one's rights are not being respected.

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Articles of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child

A2

Print each Article on to different coloured card, then cut up into the correct numbers of jigsaw pieces to correspond with the number of pupils in the class.

Article 12 Children have the right to say what they think should happen, when adults are making decisions that affect them, and to have their opinions taken into account.

Article 14 Children have the right to think and believe what they want and to practise their religion, as long as they are not stopping other people from enjoying their rights. Parents should guide their children on these matters.

Article 15 Children have the right to meet together and to join groups and organisations, as long as this does not stop other people from enjoying their rights.

Article 17 Children have the right to reliable information from the mass media. Television, radio, and newspapers should provide information that children can understand, and should not promote materials that could harm children.

Article 28 Children have a right to an education. Discipline in schools should respect children's human dignity...

Article 29 Education should develop each child's personality and talents to the full...

Article 31 All children have a right to relax and play, and to join in a wide range of activities.

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A2

Children's Rights Look at the Article of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child put together by your group. Consider the following questions: 1. To what extent do you think this right is respected in the contexts listed in the table below? 2. What factors are working in favour of this right being respected? 3. What factors are working against it being respected? 4. What is necessary for the situation to change? 5. Who is responsible for ensuring that this right becomes a reality – the Government? School? Your parents/carers? You yourself?

At home:

In school:

In your community:

What is needed to ensure that this right is respected? ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. Who is responsible? What can you do? ................................................................................................................................. .................................................................................................................................

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What Can I Do? Children's Rights Scenarios

A2

1. A teacher in school calls you a ‘stupid brat’.

2. Your parents are getting a divorce: you're told that you'll be living with your mum. No one asks for your views.

3. You are in Year 9. You go to your family doctor for advice and information about contraception. He tells you that you're too young to be having sex and refuses to give you any information.

4. Your parents keep opening your mail, although you've asked them not to.

5. You are 15 and live with your mum, who has a disability, and four younger brothers and sisters. You are responsible for doing the household chores and taking care of the other children in your family. You have no time to yourself.

6. You've joined your local CND group after seeing a documentary on TV. Your parents are furious and say you're not allowed to go to the meetings.

7. Your mum regularly goes out in the evening. She is often drunk when she returns and hits you about the head if you've done something ‘wrong’.

8. You've become interested in a local church which a lot of your friends attend. Your parents say it's a load of rubbish and forbid you to go.

9. You live in a rural area where buses are scarce. You're confined to a wheelchair and your parents don't have transport. Because of this you are never able to meet up with your friends in the evenings.

10. You are on work experience in a factory and the machines are very noisy. At the end of the day you're experiencing ringing noises in your ears.

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A Unit 3: It’s Good to be Different!

Unit 3: It's Good to be Different! Overall Aim To recognise the rights of minorities, and to identify ways in which we can help them.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit, pupils will: • Recognise their own prejudices. • Be able to empathise with the situation of minority groups. • Identify ways in which minority groups can be helped and supported.

Activities Odd One Out – Values Continuum A number of statements from the sheet are read out and the pupils place themselves along a line according to whether they agree or disagree with the statements. It's important to be honest. Discussion then follows about why pupils are standing where they are standing. Pupils listen to one another and can change places if they change their minds. The purpose of this activity is to help pupils to recognise that everyone has prejudices. We need to recognise them in ourselves in order to overcome them.

Who's Different? Pupils work in small groups of three to four. On the sheet Who's Different? they share ideas about who may feel themselves to be different or in a minority (for example, young people who... are gay, of a different colour, hard-working, not trendy). Groups feed back to the main group. Pupils are now given two to three Post-its each, and are asked to write on them some common names which pupils call those who are seen to be ‘different’. The facilitator draws a figure on the board and pupils come up and stick Post-its over the figure. How would it feel to be that person?

Top Tips for Creating a Respectful Community How can we help to make sure that our community is one where everyone feels safe and where everyone's rights are respected? The class suggests what needs to be in place for this to happen, for example, everyone is respected, regardless of background, gender, sexual orientation, race, colour or religion; bullying isn't tolerated). The suggestions are written up.

Minority Rights – What Could I Do? In small groups of two to three, pupils are asked to consider the scenarios on the activity sheet and what they would do in situations where a fellow pupil's rights weren't being respected. Pupils can go on to act out these situations, or depict them in posters or comic strips.

Materials • Odd One Out – Values Continuum sheet. • Activity sheet Who's Different? for group work.

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Unit 3: It’s Good to be Different!

A

• Post-its. • Flip-chart paper and pens for Top Tips. • Activity sheet Minority Rights – What Could I Do?

Sensitive Issues The facilitator should try to be alert to any evidence of prejudice against particular pupils in the group, and be ready to deal with such issues firmly but sensitively.

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A3

Odd One Out – Values Continuum Read these statements out.The pupils place themselves along a line according to whether they agree or disagree with the statement. Note: Facilitators may like to add further statements according to context. 1. I can't stand swots!

2. You can't trust anyone from... (area/housing estate).

3. Well, I think that all these immigrants should go back to where they came from!

4. I couldn't be friends with someone who's gay: that's gross!

5. My best mates have all the latest gear.

6. What a loser! I wouldn't be seen dead with him!

7. I wouldn't go around with her: she smells!

8. Boys are a real pain: all they think about is football!

9. Girls are so bitchy: they're always pulling someone apart behind their back.

10. Smoking's cool – all my friends smoke.

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Who's Different?

A3

Work in a small group: • Consider which groups of people can be different or in a minority. • In what ways are their rights not respected, in your experience? • How do you think a young person feels if he/she is somehow ‘different’ or he/she belongs to a minority group, and his/her rights aren’t respected. Who's ‘different’? Young people who...

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A3

Minority Rights – What Could I Do? Consider the possibilities in the following situations: • What could you do to help? • What could you do to support the young person? • What support or help could you access? 1. Andrew has special needs. A group of boys in his form call him names at break-times until he gets so mad that he lashes out – then he gets into trouble. 2. Anne-Marie came to your school from France at the beginning of this term. A group of girls in her class make fun of her accent and won't let her into their group. 3. Steve is gay and has just ‘come out’. Some pupils are continuously making rude remarks and calling him names in the playground. They won't let him join in their game of football. 4. The pupils in your year have the opportunity to go skiing in Canada. Natalie would love to go, but knows that her parents could never afford it. 5. Ahmed's parents say that he can't go to Assembly. Ahmed would quite like to go and to judge for himself what religion he wants to follow – if any. 6. Sioned's mum says she's too delicate to join in with PE. She would like to join in like everyone else. People make fun of her for being overweight because she doesn't do enough physical activity. 7. Your music teacher keeps making sarcastic remarks about Kamal, because he can't sing. Kamal gets quite upset because he likes music. Can you think of other situations where young people get left out or picked on because they are different? What are they?

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Unit 4: Passive – Aggressive – Assertive

A

Unit 4: Passive – Aggressive – Assertive Overall Aim To enable young people to respond to problems in assertive ways.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Distinguish between being passive, aggressive and assertive. • Acquire and practise some techniques for being assertive.

Activities Quotes: Passive, Aggressive or Assertive? Divide the class into three or six groups, depending on the size of the class. Ask each group to draw up a definition of one of the words: passive, aggressive, assertive. What does the word mean? Can they think of behaviours to illustrate it? Share the definitions with the whole class. Copy the sheet Passive, Aggressive or Assertive? onto card, and cut out so that each quote is on a separate card. In groups of three to four, ask the pupils to look at the quotes. They should make three piles: one for what they see as passive behaviour, one for aggressive and one for assertive. General class discussion: Which behaviour is most likely to help you to get what you want or need from a situation, and to help you to keep safe? Why?

Quiz: How Assertive are You? Pupils complete the quiz, selecting how they think they would react to a given situation. They can then give themselves a score. Some young people may prefer to do this exercise on their own, or with a friend who knows them and whom they can trust. Give feedback on scores as follows: If you’ve got mostly 1s (a score of about 8-15): Wow! You’re on a short fuse! You need to try to calm down or you’ll end up falling out with everyone – and getting yourself a reputation for being tactless! If you’ve got mostly 2s (16-25): You’re really going to have to stop letting other people walk all over you. Remember that you are allowed to say, ‘No!’, and that not everything in life is your fault! If you’ve got a fair amount of 5s (26+): Well done! You know how to keep your cool and stand your ground! Nobody’s going to take advantage of you in a hurry! Cool!

Top Tips for Being Assertive Pupils share their ideas about being assertive. These are written up by the facilitator. Other ideas are fed in by the facilitator, as necessary (see the information sheet Top Tips for Being Assertive).

Being Assertive – Quick Reactions Game Pupils work in groups of three to four. Each group has a set of cards from the Being Assertive sheet, which are put face down between them. Pupils take it in turn to raise a card and read out the contents to their partner. He/she must respond quickly but without being aggressive or passive. The pupil(s) who are watching can give him/her a score out ten, according to how quick and effective the reply was!

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A Unit 4: Passive – Aggressive – Assertive

Materials • Quotes: Passive, Aggressive, or Assertive sheet with quotes copied and cut out into separate cards for group work. • Quiz: How Assertive are You? – one for each pupil. • Top Tips for Being Assertive information sheet. • Being Assertive – Quick Reactions Game copied onto card and cut up for group work.

Sensitive Issues Facilitators should be alert to instances of, or references to, both aggressive and passive behaviours during this unit. The unit could bring out issues of peer pressure, or comments about particular pupils who are behaving in an aggressive manner. Some pupils may also talk about how difficult it is for them to be assertive in particular situations, for example, because of peer pressure, or because of the behaviour and status of certain adults.

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Quotes: Passive, Aggressive or Assertive?

A4

Look at the quotes below and try to categorise them. Is the person being passive, aggressive or assertive?

‘Well... okay, I suppose you can – but please look after it this time!’

‘You must be stark raving bonkers! No way am I going with you! Get lost!’

‘I don't like what you're saying about David. He's my friend, and I can't agree with you. Will you please not talk about him behind his back?’

‘Hey, you! What do you think you're doing? Can't you look where you're going! Stupid git!’

‘Sorry, but I don't like smoking and I don't want to come – okay?’

‘I shouldn't really come because I've got lots of homework – but all right then, if you insist.’

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A4

‘I'd like to make a complaint. This shirt was marked medium, but in fact it’s small. I would like to change it, please.’

‘Sorry, sorry. It was my fault. I'm so clumsy.’

‘I'm sorry, but that's my seat. Could you please move to another one?’

‘What do you think you're doing, you impudent little xxxxx!! Stop pushing in! Get to the back!!’

Consider the following questions: • What reaction are you likely to get to the above behaviours? • Which type of statement is most likely to help you to get what you want or need from a situation – and to help you to keep safe? • Why?

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Quiz: How Assertive are You?

A4

Look at the following situations, and decide how you would react. At the end add up your score. 1. Your friend wants to borrow your CD player. You'd rather not lend it to them, because they've borrowed things before and not looked after them. a. You've got a nerve after what happened last time. No way! Ask someone else! b. Well, I suppose so... but look after it, will you? c. I'm sorry, but you can't borrow it. It's special to me. 2. A friend is saying nasty things about another friend of yours behind their back, and you don't agree with what they're saying. a. You feel uncomfortable, but you say nothing. b. I don't agree with what you're saying, and I really don't like it when you criticise Alan to me behind his back. c. You're one to talk! Why don't you look at yourself before you start criticising other people? 3. A friend is trying to persuade you to go on his motorbike He drives too fast and doesn't have a spare crash helmet. You don't want to go. a. No, sorry – I wouldn't feel safe. b. Are you mad? I'd never go on that thing with you! c. Okay then – providing you don't go too fast (but you know he will!) 4. A friend has forgotten to do his maths homework and wants to copy yours. You have put a lot of effort into your homework and it was quite hard. You don't think it's fair for someone just to copy it. a. Tough! If you're so lazy, you can just get into trouble! You're not copying mine! b. Oh, all right then, I suppose so. c. I'd rather you didn't. I don't think it's fair, and the teacher would be sure to notice if you copied my work.

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A4 5. You bought a jumper in town, and when you got it home you noticed that one of the seams is coming apart.You return it to the shop but the assistant says it's you who caused the damage. a. No, it was like this when I got it home. It's not my fault. I would like a replacement, please. b. Well, I suppose I could try and mend it. c. What a cheek! I certainly did not cause the damage! Just give me my money back now! 6. You bump into another pupil in the corridor, and she accuses you of doing it deliberately. a. Sorry, sorry... I'm really clumsy. b. My fault?! I don't think so – duh! You need to look where you're going! c. I'm sorry, but it was an accident. Are you okay? 7. A pupil in your class tells you your history You've worked hard on it and you think it's pretty good.

project

is ‘rubbish’.

a. Rubbish?! Are you sure you're not talking about yours?! b. Do you really think so? I think it's pretty good. c. Oh, do you think so – maybe you're right... 8. Two of your friends decide to take a short-cut home over some wasteland after a party, and try to persuade you to go with them. It's dark and you don't feel the short-cut is safe. a. No, I don't feel it's safe at night. b. Oh, all right then, I'll come. c. You must be joking! You two really are bird-brains, aren't you?

How assertive are you? Give yourself a score, according to the following system: 1. a = 1, b = 2, c = 5

5. a = 5, b = 2, c = 1

2. a = 2, b = 5, c = 1

6. a = 2, b = 1, c = 5

3. a = 5, b = 1, c = 2

7. a = 1, b = 5, c = 2

4. a = 1, b = 2, c = 5

8. a = 5, b = 2, c = 1

Ask your teacher to tell you what your score means.

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Top Tips for Being Assertive

A4

1. Keep calm! If you lose your temper, you'll never get the other person to understand what it is you want from the situation, or how you feel. 2. Establish eye contact with the other person, and try to engage with them personally. 3. State your needs and feelings as they are honestly and openly, but politely, for example: ‘I would like to have my seat, please.’ ‘I would like a replacement, please.’ ‘I'm sorry, but I need that book tonight. You can borrow it tomorrow.’ 4. If you are contradicting or refusing, remember to do it without criticising the other person personally and explain to the other person why you can't accept, for example: ‘I'm sorry, but you can't borrow it. It's very special to me.’ ‘I don't agree with what your saying about my friend, and I don't like him/her being talked about behind their back.’ ‘I'm sorry but I wouldn't feel safe.’ 5. If the other person is criticising you, consider whether the criticism may be justified. If it is, acknowledge the criticism, and try to change your behaviour. If it isn't , assert that you disagree, for example: ‘Yes, I admit that I did rush that work a bit. I'll try to leave myself more time in the future.’ ‘No, I don't accept that. I took lots of time and care over that piece of work.’ 6. If the other person is criticising you personally in an offensive way – tell them so! For example: ‘Yes, I admit that I've been a bit careless but I'm not usually like that, and I don't like the way you've just put me down.’ 7. Try to think where the other person may be coming from. Perhaps they might be upset about something else? For example: ‘Look, I'm sorry about the mess but it wasn't my fault. Are you okay?’

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A4

Being Assertive – Quick Reactions Game Copy this sheet onto card and then cut up the situations into squares. Pupils work in groups with the pack of cards face down in the middle. They take it in turns to pick up a card with a situation and have ten seconds to try to find an assertive way of responding! Some cards are left blank for pupils to make up their own situations.

Someone pushes into the dinner queue in front of you. You've been waiting for ages!

Your friends are trying to persuade you to smoke. You don't want to but you're the odd one out.

Your maths teacher has just accused you of not doing your homework. You know you gave it in.

There's a new boy in your class. Some of your friends keep picking on him and making fun of him.

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A1

You've reserved a seat on the train. Another passenger is in your seat and refuses to move.

The new jeans you bought have shrunk in the wash, even though you followed the instructions precisely.

Your friends want you to go to the cinema. You've got lots of homework to be in by tomorrow.

Your sister asks to borrow one of your favourite T-shirts. Last time you lent her a shirt it came back ripped.

One of your friends wants you to bunk off French and go into town. You're not sure it's a good idea.

The man in the chip shop insists on serving an adult before you, even though you've been standing in the queue for ages.

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A1

You can't find your bus ticket. The conductor accuses you of not paying, and says you have to pay a fine.

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Another pupil in your class laughs at a painting you've just finished. You thought it was pretty good.

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Unit 4: Passive – Aggressive – Assertive

A

Resources and Sources of Help and Support Books • Various, (2002) For Every Child, Red Fox Publishers. 14 of the UN Convention’s Rights interpreted, together with a double-page spread for each one. • UNICEF (2002) A Life Like Mine: How Children Live Around the World (Children Just Like Me Series). Dorling Kindersley. An insight into the lives of 14 children around the world. • Various, Children's Rights Series (e.g. Voice, Health, Home, Education, Safety). Evans Brothers Publishers. • Hibbert, A. (2003) Children’s Rights (In the News Series). Franklin Watts Ltd.

Sources of Help and Support UNICEF Africa House, 64-78 Kingsway, London WC2B 6NB. Telphone 020 7405 5592 www.unicef.org From the UNICEF's website for young people (www.therightssite.org.uk) you can download a young people-friendly version of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child; also more information and resources about what rights are, and a brilliant Little Book of Rights.

Centre for Education on World Citizenship (CEWC) CEWC's main offices in the UK are in Cardiff and Belfast: CEWC-Cymru,Temple of Peace, Cathays Park, Cardiff CF10 3AP. Telephone 029 2022 8549 www.cewc-cymru.org.uk CEWC NI Office, Grosvenor Grammar School, Cameronian Drive, Belfast BT5 6AX. Telephone 028 9022 1777 [email protected] CEWC-Cymru produce a handy bilingual leaflet, For All the World’s Children, in fold-out form, summarising the main articles of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. Cost at the time of publishing is 25p per copy.

Save the Children 1 St. John's Lane, London EC1M 4A Telephone 020 7012 6400

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B Section B

Right Relationships

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Introduction Relationships are of vital importance in teenagers' lives. The esteem of friends and the support gained from a stable friendship group is central to most young people's feelings of happiness and wellbeing at a time when they are acutely aware of changing body image and establishing their identity in terms of personal opinions and beliefs. In their desire to be accepted and part of an ‘in’ group, young people can be vulnerable to peer pressure and manipulation. Conflict with peers and bullying can rapidly undermine feelings of self-esteem and self-worth. More than ever at this stage of their development, young people need the skills to distinguish between positive and manipulative relationships, to make and maintain positive friendships, and to cope with conflict and strong emotions. This section helps young people to understand the difference between positive and abusive relationships in a number of contexts. The activities are designed to increase pupils' understanding of what constitutes abusive and healthy relationships and to help them to practise essential skills to keep themselves safe and to make and maintain healthy and positive relationships, including what to do when problems and conflict occur. We hope that by working through the activities in this resource, young people will gain in understanding and feel more confident and in control in this vital area of their lives. Unit 1 (Keeping Myself Safe) sets the scene by enabling pupils to define what we mean by abuse and introducing them to protective strategies which can help them to keep themselves safe. In Unit 2 the characteristics of healthy and abusive relationships are explored, before looking more closely at two aspects of abusive relationships in Units 3 and 4: bullying and peer pressure. Pupils are encouraged to explore their own solutions and practise responding to situations through quizzes, role-plays and scenarios. Further skills for making and maintaining positive relationships are introduced and practised in Units 5 to 8, including problem-solving, conflict resolution and tips for handling anger. Pupils are introduced to ‘I’ language, to the concept of creating win-win situations through negotiation and mediation and to strategies for controlling strong feelings. The characteristics of equal and unequal relationships with a partner are introduced in Unit 9, with the overall aim of helping young people to identify what behaviours are acceptable and unacceptable. Pupils are given the opportunity to think through risky situations which may arise, and to practise coping strategies. It should be stressed that this unit could apply to a relationship with an oppositesex or a same-sex partner, and that facilitators should be alert to any homophobic attitudes amongst pupils. Units 10 and 11 help young people to understand the nature of sexual abuse and how the grooming process works, both in the community and online. In both these units, scenarios enable pupils to think through risky situations and practise coping skills in a safe and supportive environment. In Unit 11 pupils are encouraged to think about the advantages and dangers of the Internet, and to draw up their own rules and strategies for keeping themselves safe online. Unit 12 identifies causes of stress and conflict within the home, including domestic violence. Through working on a problem page, pupils are encouraged to think about possible solutions and coping strategies, and to consider who they would turn to for help and support. Further sources of help and support are listed, where appropriate, at the end of each unit and at the end of the Rights Relationships section of this resource.

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Unit 1: Keeping Myself Safe

B

Unit 1: Keeping Myself Safe Overall Aim To enable young people to understand what an abusive situation is, to recognise when they feel unsafe, and to build up a safe network.

Learning Outcomes At the end of this unit pupils will: • Understand what is meant by abuse. • Know what it feels like to feel unsafe. • Understand that they always have the right to say, ‘No’. • Be able to form and periodically review safe networks.

Activities The facilitator introduces the aims and objectives of the session.

What is Abuse? The facilitator presents the pupils with the four categories of abuse, and asks them to work with a partner or in a group to share and note down ideas about what specific behaviours this would cover. This could be done by Snowballing (see Methodologies section in the introduction to this resource). Ideas are then shared on a whole-group basis.

Abuse or Not? This activity can be done either by filling in the sheet as it is with a partner or, to involve pupils more actively, as a values continuum. Pupils should have the opportunity to discuss what swayed their opinion one way or another. There should also be a discussion of what would influence our opinion, for example, culture, upbringing, lack of information, age of the child.

Warning Signs Ask pupils to consider how they feel when they feel scared, and then to fill in these ‘warning signs’ on the template of the human body. Stress how important it is not to ignore their warning signs. The facilitator can mention the ‘fight or flight’ response here.

Feely Bags This is quite a messy activity but one which the young people very much enjoy, and which gets home to them clearly the message that they always have the right to say, ‘No’. You will need to have prepared five to six wash-bags with plastic linings and of different colours (available from any Boots store). Fill these with some innocuous substances (e.g. cotton wool, pebbles, potpourri), and some which are slightly more unpleasant to handle (e.g. cooked spaghetti, tinned peaches, gherkins, jelly). Make numbers to go with each bag. The bags are lined up in front of the class, and you ask for four volunteers. The volunteers should choose a bag, but not touch it. They should then explain why they chose that bag (e.g. liked the colour, lucky number). Ask the class whether they think that this is a good basis for making a decision.

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B Unit 1: Keeping Myself Safe Volunteers are now allowed to pick up their chosen bags by the top to feel how heavy they are. This will give them an idea of what's inside. They may then have a preliminary feel of the contents from the outside. If at any of these two points they wish to exchange their bag for one of the remaining bags they may. Stress that it's their choice, and that if they feel uncomfortable they can change their minds. Volunteers are given the option of putting their hands into the bag. At this point they will be being ‘egged on’ by their class-mates but stress that they always have the right to say ‘no’, even if under pressure from others.

Discussion Carousel Have sheets of flip-chart paper ready with the following questions at the top: • Why do we make decisions? • What helps us to make decisions that are wise or safe? • What might make us come to decisions which we would regret afterwards? • Is it ever fun to be scared? The class is divided into four groups, and they move around the sheets of paper, discussing and getting ideas down about one question at a time, then groups feed back their ideas. Important points to be drawn out here are: • the importance of having as much information as possible • the importance of knowing and trusting people • feeling you have a choice • being in control • having time to think and reflect • knowing that a situation will come to an end. Pupils can be given the information sheet Making Decisions at this point.

My Personal Network Introduce the idea of building up your own safe networks of someone you could talk to if you were feeling unsafe or unhappy. Define who those people would be: they may be someone you know and trust, someone who would listen to you, take you seriously and really help, or someone with the time to listen. Ask the young people to fill in on the activity sheet who their five people would be. Stress that they will need to review these networks periodically. Mention also that Helplines can play a role if they are, for any reason, unable to contact the people on their personal network.

Materials • Activity sheets What is Abuse? and Abuse or Not? • Warning Signs sheet. • Feely bags filled with a variety of innocuous and not so innocuous substances. • Making Decisions information sheet. • Flip-chart paper and pens for Discussion Carousel. • My Personal Network activity sheet.

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Unit 1: Keeping Myself Safe

B

Sensitive Issues Concern about a young person may be raised by the way they talk about abuse, by a passing comment, or by a direct disclosure. The facilitator should stress sources of help and support, including Helplines and Websites, but also including those with a pastoral role within the school. Pupils should also know who the school's designated teacher for child protection is.

Sources of Help and Support Helplines NSPCC free Helpline: 0808 800 5000 NSPCC bilingual Helpline (Wales): 0808 100 2524 ChildLine: 0800 1111

Websites www.protectivebehaviours.co.uk for information about the Protective Behaviours approach – ‘a practical and down to earth approach to personal safety for individuals, families and communities of all ages and backgrounds’ – and connected resources. www.nspcc.org.uk especially ‘Kids Zone’, a section of the website designed for young people. www.There4me.com NSPCC interactive website, where young people can go for confidential support and advice online from a trained counsellor. www.childline.org.uk

Resources Worried, Need to Talk?/Poeni, Angen Siarad? – NSPCC booklet providing information and advice for young people about abuse, including a list of sources of help and support on issues which can threaten young people’s wellbeing. Hands Off!/Peidiwch â Chyffwrdd! – a magazine-style publication, giving young people information and advice about sexual abuse.

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B1

What is Abuse? There are four main types of abuse: 1. Physical 2. Emotional 3. Sexual 4. Neglect. In your opinion, what sort of behaviours would be included in these categories? Physical Abuse:

Emotional Abuse:

Sexual Abuse:

Neglect:

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B1

Abuse or Not? Would you define the situations outlined below as abuse or not? Tick one box for each question: Yes, No or Not sure. Yes

No Not Sure

1. A mother hitting her child. 2. A group of older pupils calling a Year 7 pupil names. 3. A Year 7 pupil going home to an empty house. 4. A relative forcing you to look at a pornographic video. 5. Friends falling out and calling each other names. 6. A parent shaking a baby. 7. A teacher telling a child that he/she is hopeless. 8. A 12 year old girl having sexual relations with a 16 year old boy. 9. A pupil arriving in school not having had breakfast. 10. Someone touching you in a way you don’t like. What factors do we need to take into account before we decide whether a situation is abusive or not? 1.

4.

2.

5.

3.

6.

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B1

Warning Signs What warning signs does your body give you when you’re in danger? (Heart beats faster, legs shake, feel cold etc.) Draw the warning signs on the body below. How would you feel? How would your face show your feelings?

Don’t ignore your warning signs! Speak to someone you can trust about your feelings

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Making Decisions

B1

1. Why do we make decisions? A number of factors influence our decisions, for example: • how much information we have • whether the situation is familiar or not • our principles and beliefs • whether something ‘feels right’ or not • superstition or luck • social, family and personal influences. Which of these factors would help you to make wise or safe decisions?

2. Other factors which may influence us are: • how much time we have • friends or relations who use pressure to persuade us to come to particular decisions. 3. Sometimes it's fun to be afraid! Can you think of examples? (For example, watching a scary film.)

What makes these situations okay – although they are scary at the time? • You have a choice. • You're in control of the situation. • You know that the situation will come to an end. Even experiences such as going to the dentist and having injections are bearable because we know they won't last long!

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B1

My Personal Network If you don’t feel safe, it’s important for you to have a number of people you can talk to. What kind of people would these be? • Someone I can trust • Someone honest • Someone who understands and is willing to help • Someone who really listens and believes what I have to say • Someone who has the time to listen and help. Who would these people be? • Mum or Dad • A grandparent • An aunt or uncle • A teacher • Best friend • A policeman • A Helpline • Someone in my church. Think of five people who could form your personal network. Write their names, one for each finger on the hand below.

Remember to revise your personal network regularly: • Are these people still available? • Can you contact them easily?

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Unit 2: Defining Healthy and Abusive Relationships

B

Unit 2: Defining Healthy and Abusive Relationships Overall Aim To help young people to identify the difference between healthy and abusive relationships, and to gain the skills to cope with abusive relationships.

Learning Outcomes At the end of this unit pupils will: • Define what they mean by healthy and abusive relationships. • Be able to recognise when things are going wrong in a relationship. • Develop strategies for dealing with abusive relationships.

Activities Healthy and Abusive Relationships In small groups, pupils brainstorm the characteristics of healthy and abusive relationships. These are pooled in the large group. Some characteristics are likely to be:

Healthy Relationships

Abusive Relationships

Equality

Imbalance of power

Mutual affection and respect

Lack of affection and respect

Good communication

Poor communication

Shared goals and interests

Few common interests

Empathy

Lack of understanding

Cooperation and consent

Compliance or coercion

Good fun

Not enjoyable

Relationship Problems Pupils look at the sample scenarios on the activity sheet Relationship Problems in groups of three to four, and identify what is going wrong in these relationships. What could the people in the relationship do about it? What skills do they need?

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B Unit 2: Defining Healthy and Abusive Relationships

Follow-up activities Pupils now have a choice of follow-up activities: • Design a leaflet for peers, giving them help and advice about healthy and abusive relationships. • Design a comic strip illustrating a situation where a young person addresses an abusive relationship: what is the situation and what do they do? • Practise and act out one of the sample scenarios. Work in this unit could be followed up by Units 5, 6, and 7 of Section B, which give young people further strategies for coping with relationship problems.

Materials • Flip-chart and pens for brainstorming activity. • Activity sheet Relationship Problems. • Art materials and computers for follow-up activities.

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Relationship Problems

A1 B2

Work in a small group. Look at the situations below, and identify what has gone wrong in the relationships. • What could the people in the relationship do about it? • What skills do they need?

Lately my best friend has started really bossing me about. She’s forever telling me what to do and she gets really moody if I refuse. All my mates think she’s really cool, and I’m worried that she could turn them all against me if I tell her straight how bossy she’s being. What shall I do?

My mate used to be a really good laugh. We used to spend loads of time talking about our football teams, TV programmes – all sorts of things really. Lately, though, he’s gone really quiet and moody, and I can’t get a word out of him. He won’t talk.

Mari and I were best mates in primary school. We used to like the same music, the same TV programmes – everything! Lately, though, she’s changed. She’s started wearing black, and listens to really hardcore music. I get the feeling she thinks I’m a swot and doesn’t want anything to do with me. I feel really sad, because I’m fond of her. I’m also concerned because she’s hanging around with people much older than her. I wish she’d talk to me.

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I don’t think my boyfriend likes me anymore. He used to really show his affection, and would ring up in the evening to ask me how I was. Now he doesn’t bother. I’d like to talk to him about it but every time I start to, he changes the subject. We can’t go on like this.

Ahmed and I have always been really close – a bit like brother and sister. I always used to talk to him about everything. Lately, though, people have been saying things that make it obvious to me that Ahmed’s been talking about me behind my back. I can’t trust him anymore.

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B Unit 3: Bullying

Unit 3: Bullying Overall Aim To raise young people's awareness of the nature of bullying and its effects, in order to encourage them to think of possible solutions to the problem in their own contexts. Facilitators may find that the activities included in these notes need to be spread over a couple of sessions.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Gain awareness of their own attitudes and values around bullying. • Be able to define bullying. • Recognise how bullying makes people feel. • Be aware of the roles people play in bullying situations, and to understand better why people might become involved in bullying. • Consider possible solutions to bullying situations.

Activities Where Do You Stand? Values Continuum The facilitator calls out a number of statements about bullying. The pupils have to decide whether they agree or disagree with the statements, or whether they're not sure. They then place themselves along the line according to what they think. It is okay to have different opinions to those of your friends, and to change your mind about a statement during discussion. When pupils have placed themselves on the continuum, the facilitator asks pupils to explain why they are standing there, so that issues are discussed. At the end of this exercise pupils should: • be more aware of the nature of bullying • be more aware of the effects bullying can have on people • understand that everyone can become involve in a bullying situation • have started considering bullying as a group process • recognise that everyone has a responsibility to do something to stop bullying.

What is Bullying? Creating a Group Definition of Bullying This can be done by: • Brainstorm and discussion with ideas being noted on a flip-chart. • Brainstorm using the What? What? What? formula (see notes on Methodology in the introduction to this resource). • Groups could be given envelopes with key words such as those on the following page, and sort them out according to whether they felt they were bullying or not.

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Unit 3: Bullying Kicking Fighting Intentionally Falling out Joking Whispering

Punching Sulking Hitting Making fun Excluding Sending text messages

B

Name-calling Over a period of time Arguing Unintentionally Sending notes Once

Discussions are likely to bring out some of the following points: • Bullying can be physical, verbal, or psychological and emotional. • It always involves an imbalance of power. • It is usually intentional, although those involved in the bullying may not understand the extent of the hurt they are causing. • The seriousness of the bullying does not depend on whether the bullying is physical or not, but more on the effect it has on the victim. • Bullying usually happens over a period of time, but it can spiral from an original incident. • Bullying is a group activity: more than two people are almost always involved.

Bullying – Roles we Play Six pupils volunteer to read one of the roles in a sample bullying situation. The ensuing discussion, using the Bullying – Roles we Play: Feeling Sheet, could identify why people are playing these roles. The following reasons may be identified: • fear (of being bullied; of being in the weaker group) • lack of self-esteem; need for power; wrong role-models (in the case of the bully) • lack of social skills or assertiveness (in the case of the victim) • group dynamics – wanting to be part of the ‘winning’ group • inability to understand the impact of actions (‘just a joke’); lack of empathy. Pupils should also discuss what might help pupils in the different roles to change their behaviour.

How Does it Feel? The aim of these activities is to help pupils to understand that, in the long run, nobody wins in a bullying situation.

Poems It may be good to initially read a poem such as Adrian Mitchell's poem Back in the Playground Blues, which brings home vividly how the victim feels.

Role-play If the group likes using drama techniques, they can be asked to think up a bullying situation in groups of five to six, to include all the roles identified in the Bullying – Roles we Play activity above. They could then act out the scenario, and be asked to do a ‘freeze frame’ at a critical part of the situation and identify how they are feeling at that moment. The feelings identified may include: afraid, angry, helpless, powerful, guilty, frustrated. Pupils often identify the bully as feeling ‘happy’ or ‘powerful’. Some discussion might occur around whether these feelings are long-term, whether the bully really is ‘happy’, and the consequences if his/ her behaviour is allowed to continue long-term.

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B Unit 3: Bullying

Group Work: Victim, Bully, Bystander The group is split into three smaller groups. Each group is given a piece of flip-chart: one group considers the role of the bully, the second the role of the victim, and the third the role of the bystander. This is written in a ‘cloud’ in the middle of the piece of flip-chart. The group then has a brainstorm around how that person is feeling, and writes these feelings in around the ‘cloud’. The three groups then feed back to the large group, and discuss their findings. Pupils are sometimes surprised to realise that nobody wins from a bullying situation, and that everyone’s feelings – the victim, the bully and the bystander – are very often negative.

What Can We Do? The aim of this exercise is to help pupils to think creatively about how bullying situations might be solved, and also to realise that everyone has a role to play in preventing bullying.

Top Tips In small groups, pupils draw up their ten top tips for dealing with bullying, and present them to the rest of the class.

Reflection on Bullying – Roles we Play The group discusses what each character could have done to stop the bullying happening in this activity. How difficult would it have been for the pupils to do this? What help could they have drawn upon?

Bullying Scenarios In small groups pupils discuss how these scenarios could be resolved. Solutions are discussed by the whole group.

How Can it Work Here and Now? Ideally, these more theoretical, hypothetical situations should be followed up by more concrete planning and implementation of ideas that can be carried out at an individual, class and whole-school level. Pupils should be able to feel that they can make a difference. This stage could include: • an individual action plan using the Bullying – Everyone's Responsibility sheet • planning around what can be done on a class level, for example, a class contract; using peer mentoring or Circle of Friends to help individuals whose behaviour is problematic • planning and creating representations to the School Council, containing the group's ideas about what can be done to counter bullying in the school.

Possible Follow-up Work • Work on feelings involved in bullying situations could give rise to creative work, for example, poetry, short stories, posters. Some of these could be put around the school to raise awareness of bullying and its effects. • Make a video about bullying and its effects. • Pupils could be involved in a wider review of the school anti-bullying policy and practice, for example, by: carrying out questionnaires and photo safaris (i.e. identifying the extent of the problem, and bullying ‘black spots’ around the school) taking part in focus groups

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Unit 3: Bullying

B

meeting with the School Council to look at the existing policy and suggest amendments collating responses from questionnaires and presenting findings to the Senior Management Team organising poster campaigns.

Materials • Where Do You Stand? Values Continuum, containing statements to be read out. • Flip-chart paper and pens. • Activity sheet Bullying – Roles we Play: copied onto card and the parts of the different characters cut up. • Poems that convey the experience of being bullied, e.g. Adrian Mitchell's poem Back in the Playground Blues or poetry written by pupils themselves. • Bullying Scenarios: copied and cut up into cards. • Individual action plan Bullying – Everyone's Responsibility.

Sensitive Issues Facilitators will need to be alert to any incidences of bullying or discrimination within the group, and to react to them sensitively and quickly. Pupils may well approach a member of staff after input around bullying to talk about either their own experiences of being bullied, or those of others. Staff should be familiar with the school's anti-bullying policy and know how victims of bullying can be supported. Policies and procedures should also be in place to work with young people who are displaying unkind behaviours.

Sources of Help and Support Books and Resources There is now a plethora of books and other resources on the market on tackling bullying in schools. Some references are listed in the bibliography at the end of this resource.

NSPCC • Information and advice about bullying for young people, parents and professionals can be found on the NSPCC website www.nspcc.org.uk, in particular the Kids Zone section. • NSPCC also has an interactive website for young people at www.There4me.com, where they can access confidential advice and support from a trained counsellor. • A credit card style ‘Z-card’ including information and advice from young people about what to do if you're being bullied, know someone who's being bullied or are involved in bullying is now available from the NSPCC.

ChildLine gives support and advice to young people about a range of issues; their free helplline is 0800 1111, and their website address is www.childline.org.uk

Beatbullying aims to reduce and prevent the incidence and impact of bullying, whether physical, emotional or verbal, between young people www.beatbullying.org 020 8771 3377. They also have an interactive website for young people. Anti-bullying Alliance is an organisation of over 60 national bodies involved in anti-bullying work; their website is www.anti-bullyingalliance.org

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B3

Where Do You Stand? Values Continuum Statements about Bullying What do you think about these statements? Do you agree or disagree, or aren't you sure? Place yourself on the line according to your opinion. Remember that you've got a right to your opinions, and they don't have to be the same as your friends'. You are also allowed to change your position if what is said in discussion causes you to change your mind. 1. Bullying doesn't happen in our school. 2. Physical bullying is worse than name-calling. 3. Being left out is a form of bullying. 4. A lot of people are bullied but don't tell anyone. 5. Bullying is a one-off event. 6. Bullying is deliberately hurtful behaviour. 7. It's the fault of the victim: they should stand up for themselves. 8. Anyone can be bullied – or be a bully. 9. Bullying often happens in the playground. 10. Bullying happens more among girls than among boys. 11. I've seen people being bullied at school. 12. Bullying is a normal part of growing up; it doesn't hurt anyone. 13. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. 14. Everyone can help to stop bullying.

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Bullying – Roles we Play

B3

Aim: The aim of this activity is to help pupils to understand that bullying is a group activity in which people play different roles. To stop bullying everyone in the group needs to understand why they are behaving as they are, and to take responsibility for changing their behaviour. Methodology: Pupils volunteer to read the different parts in the script, with accompanying actions if they wish. Parts have been kept deliberately short. Pupils playing the different roles are also given a card with some background information about their character and why they’re acting as they are. The pupils then read the situation again. After each pupil has read their line, they ‘freeze’, and pupils in the ‘audience’ get the opportunity to ask them how they are feeling, and why they are behaving in this way. If they wish, a pupil from the audience can also volunteer to come up to the front, step into the shoes of that actor, and act out a different way of behaving (which would have a positive outcome for Ahmed).

* * * * * * * * *

Sean: (Trips up Ahmed as he comes into the classroom, grabs his bag and empties the contents onto the floor) Oops – now that was careless, wasn’t it? Better pick it up quick before you get a row. Mummy wouldn’t like that, would she? Idiot!

Ian: (Comes in just as Ahmed is picking up his things, and ‘accidentally’ bumps into him) Oh sorry, Ahmed I didn’t see you there! You’d better move – making the place look untidy! (laughs)

Maria: Yeah, come on, Ahmed, sit down and get your things out quick or you might lose your place as teacher’s pet! At this point the teacher walks in. Ahmed sits down quickly, next to Katy.

Katy: There’s a funny smell around here, Maria, don’t you think? Smells of swots... I’d better move. (leaves Ahmed sitting on his own)

Ruth: (sitting behind Katy) Honestly, they can’t half be horrible! Why can’t they leave him alone? Anyway, it’ll probably be someone else next week! Hope it’s not me!

Huw: (who also saw what happened) I wish they’d give up – poor Ahmed! But then it’s none of my business – best keep my nose out. Ahmed should stick up for himself.

Ahmed: (pretends to be studying his textbook) I’ve had enough! What have I done to deserve this? They’re all the same – nobody’s willing to stand up for me! I hate this school!

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B3

Bullying – Roles We Play: Feelings Sean: I’m feeling really bad at the moment. Things are pretty awful at home since my dad lost his job. He keeps coming home drunk, and then he lets rip at my mum. It’s horrible, and I don’t know what to do. Anyway, Ahmed gets on my nerves. He’s good at everything, and can never do anything wrong for the teachers – the swot!

Ian: It’s just a bit of fun, man! We don’t mean any harm, and Ahmed knows that as well! What’s the problem with having a laugh, anyway? Ahmed should stick up for himself – but he hasn’t got the guts.

Maria: I don’t mean any harm to Ahmed, I think he’s a nice person, really, but you’ve got to go along with Sean and Ian, because they can be so nasty to people, and if I didn’t join in it would probably be me next!

Katy: Ahmed really gets up my nose! He always comes top in tests, and never puts a foot wrong in class! I can’t stand swots – and he’s always on his own. Must think that he’s better than us, I suppose!

Ruth: I really don’t like the way that lot are treating Ahmed! They’re only jealous of him because he’s brainy and he comes from a really nice family. I’d like to help him but I’m scared that they’d start on me then! They can be so cruel!

Huw: I’d like to help Ahmed, because I can see that they’re really getting him down but I’m scared of getting involved. They’d probably all turn on me then! I’d better keep out of it. It’s not really my business anyway, is it?

Ahmed: I feel so lonely. Nobody will talk to me in a friendly way, or even sit behind me. I can’t understand what I’ve done wrong, but it must be my fault, because nobody’s willing to be friends with me. I’ve had enough! I don’t want to come to this school any more.

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Bullying Scenarios

B3

Cut up the Scenarios and give out to small groups for discussion about how they can be resolved.

People keep calling me names; I feel very depressed. I’m sure it must be my fault.

I’ve got no one to hang around with at break-time. I feel so lonely.

A group of older boys keep tripping me up and making fun of me. I wish they’d go away and leave me alone.

A girl in my class took my dinner money. She said that if I told she’d get her brother to beat me up.

I fell out with my best friend, and now she’s getting other pupils to make fun of me, and they keep sending me nasty messages on my mobile.

People in my class have got the idea I’m gay, and they keep calling me names and laughing at me. I don’t want to come to school any more.

I’m always getting angry in school because I can’t cope with the work. Everyone laughs at me and thinks it’s really funny. I hate school.

A group of older pupils are being nasty to my friend on the school bus. He doesn’t want to say anything in case it gets worse.

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B3

Bullying – Everyone’s Responsibility Everyone has the right to feel safe and to be respected. What can we do to ensure that this happens in practice? Some things we can do in a bullying situation are: • Refuse to join in. • Tell the bullies to stop. • Be friendly towards the victim. • Tell a teacher or another responsible adult what's happening. What do you think you can do? Jot down any ideas you have below. 1. Things my school/youth club can do to reduce bullying: ............................................................................................................................................... ............................................................................................................................................... ............................................................................................................................................... ............................................................................................................................................... ............................................................................................................................................... ...............................................................................................................................................

2. Can you complete the sentence? ‘The thing I'll do to stop bullying is…

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19/4/06 15:15:11

Unit 4: Friendships and Peer Pressure

B

Unit 4: Friendships and Peer Pressure Overall Aim To identify the characteristics of a good friendship and to distinguish between positive and negative peer influences.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Be able to name the characteristics of a good friend. • Distinguish between positive and negative peer pressure. • Understand why people need to be part of a group. • Understand what it feels like to be left out of a group and what people will do to conform to groups. • Explore to what extent their friendships allow them to be themselves.

Activities A Friend in Need... This is a whole-class activity. The young people brainstorm the characteristics of the perfect friend. Definitions are shared, noted down on Post-its, and ranked in order of importance.

Paper Carousel: the Nature of Peer Pressure Divide the class into four groups, each with a bit of flip-chart paper and pen. At the top of the pieces of flip-chart are the following questions: • What is peer pressure? • Why and when does peer pressure happen? • Positive examples of peer pressure are... • Negative examples of peer pressure are... Each group shares and jots down their ideas about peer pressure, and then circulates to the next piece of flip-chart. Ideas are shared in the larger group.

Individuality and Conformity Game: Pupils work in groups of three to four. One pupil turns his back, while the other pupils in the group agree on a ‘secret language’. When the pupil turns around, the others in the group communicate only through this secret language, which he doesn’t understand. For example, raising one’s eyebrows may have a particular meaning, or rubbing one’s nose. How does the person who is not part of this secret code feel? Peer pressure: Using the Peer Pressure sheet, pupils work in small groups to consider the situations: Gotta Have It! and Odd One Out. How do they think they would cope with these situations, and to what extent would they feel able to assert their individuality? Would the situations be hard or easy for these newcomers within your school community?

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B Unit 4: Friendships and Peer Pressure Poetry and creative writing: A poem such as Benjamin Zephaniah’s poem No Problem can also be read. To what extent did the writer have to conform to stereotype in order to gain acceptance? Do the pupils think that this happens in their school community? Peer Pressure Quiz: Individually or in pairs, pupils complete the Peer Pressure Quiz and work out their scores in order to assess to what extent they are individually affected by peer pressure. Pupils can take part in role-play scenarios based on the situations in the Quiz, or produce a cartoon strip or story to illustrate one of the situations.

Friends United Pupils work together in groups to draw up their Top Tips for withstanding negative peer pressure. This could be produced in the form of a leaflet or poster to be available around the school for other pupils.

Materials • Flip-chart paper and pens. • Post-its. • Activity sheet Peer Pressure. • Peer Pressure Quiz.

Sensitive Issues The facilitator should be alert to any signs of peer pressure or discrimination in the group, and be ready to challenge any manipulative or unkind behaviours firmly but sensitively.

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Peer Pressure

B4

These exercises should be done in small groups. 1. Gotta Have It! You are starting a new school halway through the new term. Fitting in and being part of your peer group is very important to you. What items have you ‘gotta’ have to help you to fit in more easily? These items could include: • Mobile phone. • TV in your room. • Your belly button/nose pierced. • Designer wear. • Tattoo. Discuss: • Are these things important? • How would you feel if you didn't have them? • How do you think you'd be treated? • Have you got the confidence to be without some of these things – or would it be really hard?

2. Odd One Out Imagine you come from a different country and are of a different race to that of your peer group.You are the only one.Your friends don't know much about the country you're from and don't appear to be interested in finding out. Discuss: • How would this make you feel? • What kind of differences would there be and which ones would be important? • Do you think that you would celebrate being different – or would you try your hardest to fit in with the majority? • What could you do to become accepted or friendly with the majority group?

3. Poem: No Problem by Benjamin Zephaniah After reading the poem, discuss: • What would it be like to be the person who wrote this poem? • What different attitudes has he had to face? How has he adapted? • In what ways do you think such stereotypes are perpetuated in our society? (e.g. by the press/TV?)

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B4

Peer Pressure Quiz Circle the answer below that feels right for you. 1. A friend of yours has started smoking and wants you to try it. You hate the idea of smoking. Would you: a) Tell her about the dangers of smoking. b) Say, ‘No thanks, it's not for me,’ and mean it. c) Stop hanging around with that person. d) Be tempted to try it so that you could stay friends.

2. The gang that you hang around with want to break into a disused cinema tonight. Would you: d) Go along with it for a laugh and to be part of the gang. c) Make up an excuse and tell them you can't come out tonight. b) Say it's a stupid idea and it's not worth it and try to get them to change their minds. a) Change your friendship group.

3. Your boyfriend/girlfriend, who you really like, snogged someone else at a party while you were on holiday and your friends are putting pressure on you to dump them. Would you: d) Agree with your friends and dump them straight away. b) Listen to their side of the story first before you make up your mind. a) Ignore what your friends say and carry on as if nothing has happened. c) Snog someone else the next time you're at a party to get even.

4. Your friends are planning to stay out all night. They will tell their parents they will be staying at each other's houses. The plan is to sleep in a local quarry and take along as much alcohol as possible. Would you: c) Lie and say, ‘I have something else to do on that night.’ d) Say, ‘Yes,’ and go with them. a) Tell a trusted adult about the plan. b) Say, ‘No,’ and explain that you do not lie to your parents.

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5. One of your best friends tells you that the other members of your peer group are fed up with you. They have told him that if he wants to stay in the group he has to stop hanging around with you. Would you:

B4

a) Tell him it's his choice. d) Lie and say that you didn't like the group much anyway. b) Talk to the whole group to see if it can be resolved. c) Change your friendship group. 6. Your two best friends keep teasing you and calling you gay because you haven't had sex yet. Would you: c) Make up a story and tell them you have a regular partner and you're working on it. d) Lie and tell them you lost your virginity a year ago. a) Shrug off what they say and don't react. b) Tell them that you are straight and that you haven't met the right person yet and you won't be rushed. Now work out your score using the following scale: A = 3 Points B = 4 Points C = 2 Points D = 1 Point

19-24 Points You're no push over! You think for yourself and make up your own mind. You won't be pressurised into anything. If you do something wrong it will be your choice and you will accept the consequences. 13-18 Points You are fairly strong willed; you think things through most of the time but you can still be influenced through peer pressure. Try and stay true to yourself and your values – try saying NO – it feels good! 7-12 Points You really sit on the fence, don't you? You find it hard to say no and can be persuaded to do things against your better judgement. Sometimes you make up stories so as not to lose face. Remember you are your own person: you can say NO. Be part of the gang because of who you are not what they make you do. 1-6 Points You need to be worried, really worried! You can be pressurised into almost anything and that could have big risks for you. Ask yourself why you need to please these people and to gain their approval. This needs to be your wake up call.

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19/4/06 15:15:17

B Unit 5: Making and Maintaining Relationships

Unit 5: Making and Maintaining Relationships Overall Aim To help young people to identify and practise the necessary skills in order to make and maintain samesex and opposite-sex relationships.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Identify what skills they need in order to make and maintain relationships, and what skills they expect from others. • Practise friendship-forming skills in safe situations. • Look at situations where relationships are going wrong, and consider what skills are needed to keep relationships positive.

Activities What's Important? Diamond Ranking The class is split into groups of approximately six pupils, each with a set of Making Friends cards and a piece of flip-chart paper. Pupils are asked to consider the skills and attributes on the cards and rank them in order of importance. Which skills are most important when joining a new group and making friends? The cards are placed in a diamond shape: with one at the top, two in the next row, then three, then two again, and the one of least importance at the bottom. Some blank cards can be made so that pupils can add their own ideas. Groups then feed back their priorities to the whole class.

Game: Relationship Skills – Quick Reactions Pupils work in small groups with a set of the Quick Reactions cards for each group. The cards are placed upside-down and are turned over one at a time quickly. One member of the group has to pretend that they are in that situation, and react quickly! What skills are needed to make friends in this situation and be accepted as a member of the group? Groups can then make up further situations to set one another.

Keeping Relationships Going Pupils work in pairs and look at the problem page, considering the following questions: • What advice would they give to the young people with the problems? • What skills are needed in order to keep those relationships going? • What does the young person need from their friend or partner? • Where could the young people go for external help and support (as well as writing to the problem page!)

Keeping Relationships Going – Solution Pupils either pretend that they are the Agony Aunt, and write answers to the problems, act out one of the scenarios or make up their own cartoon strip or story.

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Unit 5: Making and Maintaining Relationships

B

Materials • Making Friends cards for prioritising. • Flip-chart paper. • Card game Relationship Skills – Quick Reactions: copied onto card and cut up into sets for small groups. • Keeping Relationships Going problem page.

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B5

Making Friends Copy this sheet onto card and cut out.This is a prioritising activity. Look at the skills and attributes on the cards. Which ones do you think are the most important when joining groups and making friends?

A ready smile

Good looks

Self-confident

Good at sport

Good communication skills

Outgoing and friendly

Sincere

Mature

Intelligent

Well-dressed

Out of the ordinary

Talkative

Serious

Likes a drink

Sexy

Well-off

Fashionable

Loyal

Good dancer

Lucky

Famous

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Relationship Skills – Quick Reactions

B5

Copy this sheet onto card and cut out.

It's your first day at a new school.

You've been invited to a party.

You walk into your form tutor

You arrive late (on your own!)

group.

Your boyfriend invites you to go

A new girl has joined your Youth

sailing with him and a group of

Club. She seems quite shy.

his friends.

You're asked to go into a Year 7

Your football has gone missing

class and talk to them about your

and you get the job of going to

experiences of transition from

the 6th form common room to

primary school.

collect it.

You go to France on holiday with

A boy in your class is being really

your parents. There are lots of

nasty and sarcastic to people. You

young people on your campsite

want to find out why.

and you'd like to get to know them. Your dad has just met a new

Your cousins are coming over

partner, and you're going with

from Australia. You've never met

him to meet his partner's

them before.

children, who are more or less the same age as you.

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B5

Keeping Relationships Going

Work in a small group. Read the problem page below. • How would you react to these situations? • What skills are called for on both sides if the relationships are to survive? My friend and I always meet in town on Saturdays. We have a good chat about things – this and that – do some shopping together, and sometimes go to the cinema. Lately she’s been phoning up just before I’m due to leave the house and saying she’s got a headache, or her mum wants her to do something. Last Saturday she didn’t phone, and I waited an hour for her. She said she forgot. I’m feeling really let down.

Hannah and I have been mates for years. We’ve always told one another everything – so when I started to realise I was gay, I thought it was important to tell her. I couldn’t believe it when she said she never wants to have anything to do with me ever again.

I’ve been going through a really hard time lately. Mum and Dad are splitting up, and they’re arguing all the time at home. I feel really depressed and need someone to talk to. Kadijah, my best friend, always used to be there for me but lately she’s gone off with another group of girls in my class, and is spending a lot of time with them. She doesn’t seem to have noticed how upset I am.

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Mahmoud and I are big football supporters and never miss a match. In the last couple of weeks, though, he’s started going out with a girl from our class – and he wants to spend all his spare time with her. I feel let down, because I value our friendship.

There’s a new girl called Fiona in my class who I really fancy. Last Saturday I went to a disco in town with my mate, Tom, and I asked Fiona if she’d like to go out with me. She accepted. Tom has been really off-hand with me ever since. I think he’s jealous.

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Unit 6: Problem-solving and Decision Making

B

Unit 6: Problem-solving and Decision Making Overall Aim To introduce and practise a model for problem-solving which can be of use when experiencing personal and relationship problems.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Share issues which they find problematic at the moment. • Share Top Tips for dealing with relationship problems. • Be acquainted with and practise a problem-solving and decision making model. • Think about how the model could be adapted to their own circumstances.

Activities Friendship Issues The facilitator leads a brainstorm about what friendship issues can cause people problems. Pupils write issues that can cause problems on Post-its and stick them onto a sheet of flip-chart. All the ideas are then shared and discussed.

Top Tips In groups, pupils draw up their Top Tips for dealing with relationship problems and present them to the rest of the group

Solving Problems A possible problem-solving model is explained, using the activity sheet Steps for Making Decisions.

Applying the Model Pupils are given the Solving Problems sheet. They work in threes and two take on the roles of Richard and Judy (popular UK television couple who help with viewers’ problems). One of the pupils has a problem, and the others try to solve it using the problem-solving model. They then change over. Pupils can use their own problem situations if they prefer. Feedback is taken from pairs, and students can act out situations if they wish. Current situations from soap operas could also be discussed: how would the pupils solve the characters’ problems?

Personal Reflection Ask pupils to think of one situation that they could apply this model to in their own personal lives. They can share this with a partner if they like.

Follow-up Activities • Pupils may like to design a problem page, with sample problems and answers.

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B Unit 6: Problem-solving and Decision Making • Some pupils may be keen to apply this skill in their role as buddies or peer supporters or in mentoring younger pupils. • Pupils could organise an anonymous problem page in the school magazine or on the school website, with sample problems and solutions.

Materials • Activity sheet Steps for Making Decisions with a possible problem-solving model. • The Solving Problems sheet. • Post-its and flip-chart paper.

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Steps for Making Decisions

B6

Look at the model below. Could this help you to make safe and sensible decisions and choices? Step 1: What's the problem?

Step 2: What can I do? (Possible choices)

Step 3: What would happen if I did this? (Think of the consequences)

Step 4: Which course of action did you decide on? Why?

Step 5: Was this a good decision? Why? (Revise your decision)

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B6

Solving Problems Work in a three. Imagine that two of you are Richard and Judy. Using the decision making model, how could you help people through the following problems? Did it work? I fell out with my best friend, and he told his friends that I’d been saying nasty things about them. Now they’ve all started calling me names, and they’re threatening to set on me after school. I feel really scared. What should I do?

I’ve met this really nice boy in a chat room on the Internet. He’s the same age as me and he’s got the same interests as me too. Now he wants us to meet up – but I’m not sure. What shall I do?

My family is originally from Columbia. Up until now this hasn’t been a problem, and I’ve got loads of friends – but this term a new boy has joined our class, and he’s started saying nasty things about me and my family. He says that we’re refugees and that we’re into drugs. It just isn’t true! The other day he asked me why we don’t go back to Columbia.

The football coach is horrible to me all the time. He calls me names and is always telling me I’m stupid. Lately the other boys have started joining in, and they laugh at me whenever they get the chance. I feel really depressed. What should I do?

My mum’s driving me mad! She’s always wanting to know where I’m going, who with, and when I’ll be home. Nobody else’s mum makes such a fuss! What can I do?

What shall I do?

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19/4/06 15:15:31

Unit 7: Coping with Conflict

B

Unit 7: Coping with Conflict Overall Aim To examine the nature of conflict and to practise strategies which can help in conflict situations.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Define what is meant by conflict. • Discuss what this may mean in practice and why it happens. • Learn about and practise ‘I’ language as a way of helping to diffuse conflict. • Share ideas about and practise other strategies which can work.

Activities Whole-class Activity Draw up a definition of conflict. Is it always negative? The facilitator can stress here that conflict is a natural part of existence and that it can be positive, leading to communication and the exchange of points of view. However, it is very important that conflict is handled positively because it can cause hurt, loss of self-esteem and violence.

Discussion in Small Groups In groups of three to four pupils discuss the following questions: • What causes conflict between you and your friends and family? • How is it resolved at the moment? Answers to these questions are written up on Post-its. This is followed by feedback with the whole group sharing the Post-its with the causes of conflict and the ways it is dealt with at the moment.

‘I’ and ‘You’ Language Ask two pupils to act out the role-plays on the 'I' and 'You' Language sheet, one situation at a time. Ask the pupils to listen carefully to the language used. How would they describe it? What particular words are being used? How would they make the other person feel and react? Draw out the difference between ‘I’ and ‘you’ language, and make the point that we can help to diffuse conflict by stating clearly what we are feeling, and explaining why, rather than pointing the finger at the other person.

Recognising and Using Conciliatory Language Pupils work in small groups of three to four and complete the sheet Mind your Language! Pupils identify the sort of language which causes and resolves conflicts, and think of what actual words would illustrate that sort of language. Using role-play pupils practise the Keeping your Cool situations. They should imagine they're in those situations and try to use ‘I’ language to tell the group how they're feeling.

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B Unit 7: Coping with Conflict This is followed by feedback with the whole group. Do they think that this technique could work? In what circumstances and who with? If not, why not?

Other Models – Negotiation and Mediation The facilitator introduces these two models by going through the handout Strategies for Resolving Conflict, and outlining the stages of negotiation and mediation. Pupils then practise the two models in their small groups, using the Keeping your Cool situations, and/ or their own conflict situations. This is followed by feedback: what models do you think would work for you in different situations?

Ten Top Tips for Resolving Conflict In small groups pupils draw up their ten Top Tips for dealing with conflict, making it as ‘arty’ as they like.

Materials • Post-its. • Flip-chart paper and pens. • ‘I’ and ‘You’ Language sheet. • Mind Your Language! activity sheet. • Keeping your Cool activity sheet. • Strategies for Resolving Conflict information sheet. • Top Tips for Resolving Conflict activity sheet.

Sensitive Issues The facilitator will need to be aware of any conflict situations which are ongoing that could make this activity difficult for certain pupils or groups of pupils. Young people may also mention conflict or violence in the family which could be of concern.

Sources of Help and Support LEAP Confronting Conflict LEAP is a national voluntary youth organisation and a registered charity providing opportunities for young people to explore creative approaches to conflict in their lives. More details can be found at www.leaplinx.com They organise regional and national events for young mediators, and have now set up a separate website for the young mediators' network, which can be accessed at www.youngmediatorsnetwork.org

Mediation UK Helps both adults and young people who are experiencing conflict in their lives. www.mediationuk.org.uk

Peer Support Forum Promotes the use of peer support and mediation in schools. Information can be accessed through the National Children's Bureau www.ncb.org.uk/psf or on 020 7843 6000.

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‘I’ and ‘You’ Language

B7

This is a role-play activity of a conversation outside a cinema. Partner A: ‘There you are, at last! You're hopeless, aren't you? Where on earth have you been? You're always letting me down! Well I've had enough! I'll go with Jyoti and Sara next time: they won't let me down like you!’

Partner B: ‘Oh, thanks a bunch! I've had an awful morning, in fact I nearly phoned to tell you I couldn't come, but that wouldn't bother you, would it? You're so selfish! Well stuff your film – who'd want to go with you anyway?’

Partner A: ‘Hi, there you are! I was beginning to feel a bit annoyed, because I feel really stupid hanging around here on my own, and I don't want to miss the beginning of the film. I was also getting worried in case anything had happened to you. Are you okay?’

Partner B: ‘Yeah... I'm sorry, I would have phoned you, but I left the house in such a rush that I left my mobile in my bedroom. We've had an awful morning; my sister fell on the pavement outside our house and we had to take her to casualty. Mum was really upset, so I wanted to make sure she was all right before I came out. Come on, let's go!’

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B7

Mind your Language! Some ways of talking really get people's backs up, whilst others can help to create understanding and friendship. Can you identify which language is likely to create and which is likely to resolve conflict? Work in a small group, and complete the lists below: Language that causes conflict

Language that resolves conflict

Directly attacking the other person Honestly describing how you feel (‘you’ language) (‘I’ language) Name-calling

Explaining why you're feeling the way you are

Accusing

Not accusing

Complaining

Describing the behaviour, not the person

Preaching

Showing that you’re ready to listen and show concern

Threatening Comparing

Can you now identify some of the words that people use, which either create or resolve conflict? Words which create conflict:

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Words which resolve conflict:

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Keeping your Cool

B7

Work in a small group. Imagine that you're in the following situations. How can you react so that the problems are solved in a positive way? 1. You must leave the house now in order to catch the train to town. Your friend is still fiddling with his/her hair! 2. Your little brother keeps changing channels on the TV, and there’s a programme on which you would particularly like to see. 3. Your parents won’t let you go on the foreign trip. All your friends are going. 4. Your best friend has started hanging around with a group of pupils from another class at break-time. You feel lonely. 5. Your sister won’t let you use the computer, although she’s been on it for hours. She’s driving you mad. 6. Your friend told a joke about you in front of other pupils at break-time. Now everyone’s making fun of you. You feel angry and let down. 7. Your friend is flirting with the boy/girl you fancy. 8. You’ve been accused of doing something you didn’t do. The teacher refuses to listen to you. 9. Your sister has borrowed your CDs and hasn’t put them back. 10. You’ve told your mum that you don’t like mushrooms, and she’s put them in the supper – again!

What other situations really get you annoyed?

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B7

Strategies for Resolving Conflict Sometimes it’s difficult to resolve a situation on our own, and we need help. At times like these we need particular strategies or people to help us. Here are a couple:

Negotiation: Negotiation can be described in terms of ‘bargaining to reach an agreement’. The basic steps of the process are as follows: 1. One person expresses his/her feelings and needs; the other listens. 2. The two swap roles, so that both have heard the feelings and needs of the other. 3. The two sides offer to shift a little at a time, until they reach a position which both can agree upon (using language such as, ‘What if…?’ ‘What would happen if…?’ ‘What about…?’). 4. The two come to a (formal) agreement and shake hands.

Mediation: In the mediation process a third person helps the two who are in disagreement to listen to one another and to understand one another’s point of view. The basic steps are as follows: 1. Rules and conditions are set so that effective mediation can take place . 2. The first person is asked: a. ‘How do you see the problem?’ b. ‘How do you feel, and why?’ The second person listens. 3. Now the second person is asked the same questions, whilst the first person listens. 4. The first person is asked what they would like to happen,then the second person is asked the same question. 5. An attempt is made to reach an agreement which is right for both sides. The above procedures won’t work unless: ✓ The two sides are willing to listen to one another and treat one another with respect. ✓ The two people really want to solve the problem and are willing to shift. ✓ Everyone is honest. We are often able to solve problems when we learn how it feels to step into another person’s shoes and ask ourselves how the situation looks from their point of view. This skill is called empathy.

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B7

Ten Top Tips for Resolving Conflict 1........................................................................

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B Unit 8: Handling Anger

Unit 8: Handling Anger Overall Aim To help pupils to understand the causes of anger and to develop personal strategies for dealing with it.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Understand the causes of anger. • Share experiences about how anger makes us feel. • Recognise what their personal triggers are and how they deal with them presently. • Share Top Tips for dealing with anger effectively. • Practise techniques using quick responses. • Reflect on how techniques could work for them.

Activities Preliminary Discussion in Small Groups In groups of three to four, the facilitator asks pupils to discuss the following questions: • Do you think it's important to try to manage anger in positive ways? • What usually happens when we get angry (i.e. what are the consequences)? • What happens when we keep things bottled up? Groups give feedback to the whole group.

Getting to the Bottom of Anger The facilitator now hands out the information sheet Getting to the Bottom of Anger (1) and explains the anger triangle, which illustrates the underlying causes of anger. When we're angry, this is usually because our feelings have been hurt. Underlying the hurt there are unmet needs, and underlying those again there are fears. This process is illustrated by the example on the sheet. Individually, or with a partner, pupils then work through the activity sheet Getting to the Bottom of Anger (2). They should think of a time when they were angry about something, then consider the feelings, unmet needs and fears underlying the anger. With a partner, they should discuss whether this process helps them to control anger. This is followed by feedback in a large circle. Does this process help us to understand anger or to cope with it better? If so, why?

Angry Feelings On the sheet I'm Furious! the pupils draw or write other feelings they have when they get angry. What consequences do these feelings have? The pupils write or draw these in the box at the bottom of the sheet, and can share them with the rest of the class if they wish.

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Unit 8: Handling Anger

B

Dealing with Triggers On the activity sheet Dealing with Triggers the pupils think individually of what makes them angry, how they react at the moment, and what the consequences are. Thoughts and ideas are shared with the larger group.

Techniques for Dealing with Anger The facilitator gives out the sheet Managing your Anger, and goes through it with the pupils, introducing the Traffic Lights technique as one possible way for dealing with anger. Pupils now work in small groups of three to four, and draw up their ideas, using the activity sheet Ten Top Tips for Dealing with Anger. Groups feed back their Top Tips to the rest of the class (with any examples of where they have worked if they want). Pupils can also be given the information sheet Strategies for Dealing with Anger.

Quick Responses Activity The pupils work in groups of three to four, and each group is given a set of Quick Responses cards. The cards are placed in the middle, face down, and pupils take it in turn to turn over the top card, explain the situation to their partner, and then say the sentence which is on the card quickly and aggressively. The partner has to try to react quickly, in a way that is not going to escalate the conflict. The other pupils in the group observe, and feed back how well the respondent managed the situation. Some blank cards are included so that pupils can make up some of their own situations. Pupils give their feedback to the larger group: were they able to use their Top Tips to help them in these situations? Are there any other techniques which they would now like to add to their list of Top Tips?

Personal Reflection Individual pupils reflect which ways they think are best for them personally to deal with anger.

Materials • Information sheet Getting to the Bottom of Anger (1). • Activity sheet Getting to the Bottom of Anger (2). • Activity sheet I'm Furious! • Activity sheet Dealing with Triggers. • Information sheet Managing your Anger. • Activity sheet Ten Top Tips for Dealing with Anger. • Information sheet Strategies for Dealing with Anger. • Quick Responses activity: copied onto card and cut up into sets for small group work, with some blank cards for each group (for pupils' suggestions).

Sensitive Issues If young people are very angry or negative, consider what may be behind such behaviours. Pupils may be exposed to negative or violent behaviour at home or may be suffering from bullying in school. Recent family events such as divorce or bereavement can leave young people feeling angry and isolated. Other

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B Unit 8: Handling Anger pupils may find school difficult because of learning difficulties, and need extra encouragement and support. Whilst none of these factors may be relevant, negative behaviour usually has causes, and it is worth exploring these where possible.

Sources of Help and Support Some pupils in the group may have problems controlling negative feelings and anger. It can be difficult to help and support such young people through change in a large group, and small group approaches such as Circle of Friends may be helpful. Your local educational psychology service should know of this approach, and be able to support the school in using it. Further help and advice may be available through behaviour support services in your Local Education Authority, and through Learning Support Assistants in individual schools.

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Getting to the Bottom of Anger (1)

B8

Everyone feels angry from time to time. It happens, for instance, when we get hurt, when things go wrong, and when things are unjust. Usually we are able to control our anger but, sometimes, when lots of bad feelings build up inside us, we explode like a bottle of lemonade, hurting those around us verbally or physically in the process. Keeping things bottled up can also be bad for us, leading to stress and health problems. It's therefore important to ourselves, as well as to family and friends, that we control our anger and get rid of it in safe ways.

What causes anger? The first step to controlling anger is to understand its causes. Think of an occasion when you felt angry. Now ask yourself: ‘Why?’ If we look underneath the anger we'll find that: • Someone or something had hurt our feelings. • There were unmet needs. • There were underlying fears.

Example:

Anger Hurt feelings Unmet needs

1. I’m angry because my friend has gone away for the holidays and he/she hasn’t been in touch at all. 2. I feel upset and confused. 3. I need to feel that my friend cares enough about me to keep in touch. 4. I’m afraid that they don’t really care about me, and that I could lose his/her friendship.

Fears

Once we have understood this process, we can discuss our feelings with someone else, and say what we need to improve the situation.

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B8

Getting to the Bottom of Anger (2) 1. Think of a time when you got angry about something. Write down what it was about: ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. 2. Now look underneath the anger: • What were the hurt feelings? ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. • What were the unmet needs? ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. • What were the underlying fears? ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. 3. Share your experience with a partner if you wish to. 4. Does this process help us to control anger? If so, how? ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. .................................................................................................................................

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‘I’m Furious!’

B8

What other feelings do you experience when you feel angry? Write or draw these in the bubbles around the angry face.

What consequences can these feelings have?

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B8

Dealing with Triggers What are the things that make you feel angry? ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. How do you react to these at the moment? ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. What happens then? ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. Top Tips! How do you think you could deal with these situations more positively? ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. .................................................................................................................................

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Managing your Anger

B8

To manage your anger you can use the Traffic Lights technique.

STOP AND THINK! What’s the problem? .............................................................................. .............................................................................. .............................................................................. How am I feeling? .............................................................................. .............................................................................. ..............................................................................

PLAN! What are the choices? What can I do? .............................................................................. .............................................................................. .............................................................................. Make a decision, and… GO!

REFLECT! Was it a good decision to make? If not, why not?

Is there anything I could do differently next time?

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B8

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Strategies for Dealing with Anger

B8

• Breathe slowly and deeply. • Keep your voice calm. • Give yourself time to think: try counting to ten slowly. • Remind yourself that you can deal with the situation. • Use ‘I’ statements. • State your feelings. • Resist the temptation to be insulting or offensive. • Remind yourself that you have the choice to stay calm. • Think about the consequences of ‘losing it’. • Think about how good it will feel to be in control of yourself. • Listen to the other person’s point of view. • Try to understand the other person. • Try to reach a win-win situation. • Walk away physically, but try to explain to the other person that you need ‘time out’. • Walk away mentally. • Respect the other person’s rights – and your own. • Suggest discussing the situation later when you’re feeling calmer. • Talk it through with a friend.

And when you’ve succeeded, remember to congratulate yourself!

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B8

Quick Responses – Card Game Copy these sheets and cut up into cards. Give a set to each group. The cards are placed in the middle, face down, and pupils take it in turn to turn over the top card, explain the situation to their partner, and then say the sentence which is on the card quickly and aggressively. The partner has to try to react quickly, in a way that is not going to escalate the conflict. The other pupils in the group observe, and feed back how well the respondent managed the situation. Some blank cards are included, so that pupils can make up some of their own situations.

Security staff in a shop: ‘I saw you! You did it! Come here!’

Ticket inspector: ‘What do you mean you can’t find your ticket? Likely story!’

In a queue (pushing in): ‘Excuse me, I was here first!’

Teacher: ‘No homework again! What’s your excuse this time?’

Mum/Dad: ‘Just look at the time! I told you to be in half an hour ago!’

Mum: ‘Your room is like a pigsty! Go and tidy it at once!’

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B8

In a public park: ‘Clear off! You can’t use your skateboard here!’

In a pub (with your parents): ‘Sorry, no children in here!.

Friend: ‘You’re hopeless! I just can’t rely on you for anything, can I?’

Bully: ‘It’s only a joke. Anyway, it’s none of your business!’

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B Unit 9: Safe and Sound Relationships

Unit 9: Safe and Sound Relationships Note: • There is a lot of material in this unit, and teachers may feel that they need to spend two or three lessons on it. • It is important to note that ‘relationships with a partner’ could be within a same-sex relationship or a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. If homophobic attitudes emerge during this unit, these should be challenged by the facilitator (see Sensitive Issues).

Overall Aim To help pupils to identify what behaviours are acceptable and unacceptable within a relationship with a partner, and to gain skills for coping in risky situations.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Define the characteristics of a supportive and respectful relationship with a partner (same-sex or opposite sex). • Be able to identify acceptable and unacceptable behaviours within the context of a relationship with a partner. • Practise coping skills to be used in potential risky situations. • Be clear about their rights and expectations in the context of intimate relationships.

Activities My Ideal Relationship Using the activity sheet My Ideal Relationship the pupils work in pairs or small groups and list the characteristics of the kind of relationship they would ideally like to have with a partner (e.g. love, mutual respect, trust, good communication). Stress that this is not about listing the attributes of an ideal partner (e.g. good-looking, cool, good at sport, well-dressed) but rather about the quality of the relationship pupils would like to have. Ideas are fed back to the main group and written up on a flip-chart or board. (This can be done in different colours for boys and girls.) There may be some discussion around the different expectations of boys and girls. Could this cause tension in a relationship? The facilitator can refer to the information sheet Characteristics of an Equal Relationship here, to illustrate some qualities of a respectful and loving relationship.

Safe and Sound Relationships – Defining the Boundaries Pupils look at the statements under Section A of the activity sheet Safe and Sound Relationships – Defining the Boundaries, and decide whether they think these behaviours are okay, sometimes okay or never okay. They should also consider whether the factors and attitudes listed at the bottom of the page would make them change their minds about whether behaviours were acceptable or not.

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Unit 9: Safe and Sound Relationships

B

When pupils have completed the sheets, there is a class discussion about the issues raised by the statements. If a statement is not okay, for instance, would it become okay in certain circumstances? When are things definitely not okay? Note: This activity can be done as a Values Continuum, but this could expose individual opinions which may be better kept confidential. There is also the risk that some pupils will follow one another's lead on controversial statements (for example, in order to appear ‘cool’). Again in small groups, pupils now have a discussion around the statements in the bubbles in Section B of the sheet, deciding whether they agree or disagree with these statements, or whether they aren't sure. What causes people to make statements like these? (For example, tradition, prejudice or a wish for power.) Opinions are shared in the whole group.

Power and Control in Relationships The facilitator copies Power and Control in Relationships (1) onto paper, and Power and Control in Relationships (2) onto card. The types of behaviour on sheet 2 are then cut into cards and put into envelopes: one for each group of about six pupils. In their small groups, pupils look at the broad types of behaviour on sheet 1, and match the more specific behaviours on sheet 2 to the corresponding category. They also discuss what effects these behaviours would have on a partner. All these behaviours are ones which occur within the broad spectrum of domestic abuse.

Keeping Safe and Happy in Relationships – Scenarios In small groups pupils read the scenarios, and discuss: • What could they do in these situations? • What knowledge and skills have they got to cope with these situations? • Who could they access help and support from? • What can they do to ensure that they don't get into vulnerable situations? • Pupils feed back to the larger group and share their thoughts and ideas.

Creative activity Pupils now have a choice of activities, which they can do individually or in small groups: • Design a leaflet giving advice and help for their peers around keeping safe and happy within relationships with a partner. • Make up a comic strip, newspaper article or story around one of the risky situations. • Act out one of the situations, perhaps with a choice of endings.

My Charter for Safe and Happy Relationships The pupils draw up their own charter for relationships with a partner, outlining their rights, expectations and responsibilities for an equal, supportive and loving relationship.

Materials • Activity sheet My Ideal Relationship. • Information sheet Characteristics of an Equal Relationship. • Activity sheet Safe and Sound Relationships – Defining the Boundaries. • Activity sheets 1 and 2 Power and Control in Relationships. • Activity sheet with scenarios Keeping Safe and Happy in Relationships.

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B Unit 9: Safe and Sound Relationships • Activity sheet My Charter for Safe and Happy Relationships. • Art materials and computers for creative activities.

Sensitive Issues Facilitators may hear pupils talking about relationships in a way that makes them feel worried, or a pupil may make a disclosure about an inappropriate relationship. It may be appropriate to have a quiet chat with a pupil to check out that they are okay, or encourage them to talk to a trusted adult, for example, the school nurse or form tutor or a Head of Year. A pupil may also mention domestic abuse. This should be referred on to the designated teacher. Where possible, the facilitator should be aware of whether there are young people in the group who are or have been victims of domestic abuse.

Sources of Help and Support • The school nurse. • Staff in a pastoral role, for example, form tutor or Head of Year. • Domestic Violence Helpline, for example, national Women's Aid Helpline: 0808 2000 247. Women's Aid website: www.womensaid.org.uk and a men’s helpline: 0870 794 4124 www.mankind.org.uk

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My Ideal Relationship

B9

What are the characteristics of an ideal relationship for you? What would you expect from your partner? What would you need to put into the relationship? List your ideas on the charter below, and share them with others in your group.

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B9

Characteristics of an Equal Relationship

Shared responsibility

Joint decisions about money

Negotiation and fairness

Positive regard and love

Non-threatening behaviour

Honesty and reliability

Mutual respect

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Trust and support

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Safe and Sound Relationships – Defining the Boundaries

B9

A: Look at the following descriptions of behaviours and decide whether you think they are okay, sometimes okay or never okay in a relationship. Okay Sometimes Okay Never Okay 1. One partner calls the other names. 2. A woman nags her husband/partner.* 3. One partner puts the other partner down. 4. A man forces his wife/partner to have sex.* 5. A woman provokes her partner about his lack of sexual prowess. 6. One partner is possessive, and refuses to let the other socialise. 7. One partner controls how much money the other has.* 8. A man hits his wife/partner.* 9. One partner does all the housework.* 10. One partner refuses to let the other have access to their children. * Would any of the following factors or attitudes cause you to change your opinion about the above situations: 2. The husband/partner won’t do anything to help in the house / won’t help with looking after the children / doesn’t give her enough money. 4. The wife/partner has been unfaithful / is a long-term partner, and therefore the husband/partner sees it as ‘his due’ / the man is so turned on that he can’t stop. 7. The partner in question has a habit of going on binge shopping sprees and getting the family into credit card debt. 8. The wife/partner has been unfaithful / never stops nagging / is not treating her partner with respect. 9. One partner has ME (or other long-term illness) and can’t overexert him/herself.

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B9

Safe and Sound Relationships – Defining the Boundaries B: Look at the following statements, and decide whether you agree or disagree with them, or whether you aren’t sure. Discuss the statements in small groups.

What women call sexual harassment is often just a bit of innocent fun.

Women deliberately provoke men by the way they dress.

A woman’s place is in the home.

There’s no point asking men to cook or help with the housework – they haven’t got a clue.

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If women go on and on and on, they shouldn’t be surprised if men retaliate.

Some women claim they have been raped when actually they’ve just had second thoughts.

Men aren’t as good at childcare as women.

It’s men who are the main breadwinners.

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Power and Control in Relationships (1)

B9

Below are types of behaviour within a relationship which mean that there is an abuse of power. Look at the examples of specific behaviours which you have been given on card, and decide what types of behaviour they illustrate. Discuss what effects these behaviours would have on the partner who was being abused.

Using threats

Intimidating partner

Emotional abuse

Isolating partner

Denying blame

Using children

Using male/female privilege

Economic abuse

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B9

Power and Control in Relationships (2) Copy this sheet and cut into cards. Ask the pupils to decide what types of abusive behaviour these particular behaviours represent. They should then discuss what effect these behaviours would have on the partner experiencing them. Using threatening looks and gestures.

Using put-downs.

Denying responsibility for abusive actions.

Controlling what the other person does.

Making partner feel guilty about children.

Insisting on making all the big decisions.

Preventing partner from getting a job.

Threatening to leave partner.

Smashing things.

Calling partner names.

Stopping partner from taking part in activities outside the home.

Always blaming partner for causing arguments/violence.

Acting like the master/mistress of the house.

Threatening to take children away.

Making partner ask for money.

Being over-possessive or jealous.

Abusing pets.

Playing mind games.

Controlling what partner reads.

Making partner do all the menial tasks.

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Keeping Safe and Happy in Relationships – Scenarios

B9

In small groups look at the scenarios below, and discuss: • What could you do in these situations? • What knowledge and skills have you got to help you to cope? • What help and support could you access? 1. You and your partner have been going steady for a while now. From the jokes and comments which your friends make, it seems to be a general expectation that you should have sex, and that this is the ‘normal’ thing to do. You don't feel ready. 2. Your partner is always putting you down in front of your friends.It's really embarrassing, and you can't understand why he/she is doing it. 3. You have been seeing your partner for a couple of months now, and you really enjoy his/her company. However, he/she insists that you always go out together – just the two of you – and doesn't want to include anyone else. You are missing your friends and feeling increasingly isolated. 4. You have been going out with someone in your year for a while, but you are getting fed up because it's always you who pays for everything. It's true that you have a part-time job and therefore have spare money, but you're beginning to feel used. 5. Your older sister is holding her 18th birthday party in the house, and your mum and dad have gone out for the night. You meet a really nice boy/girl from the Sixth Form there and you can't believe that they are interested in you! You are really flattered.They ask you to go upstairs with them.You've both had a fair bit to drink. 6. You have a new neighbour who is in his early twenties and is really good-looking. On arriving home one day, he stops you and has a chat. He tells you that he's a maths teacher, and offers to help you with your homework. He invites you into his house. 7. You've missed the bus home and it's pouring with rain. A car draws up alongside you. The woman in it rolls down the window, and asks the way to a local hotel. When you explain, she stills seems to be unsure, and asks you if you would like to get in the car and accompany her to show her the way.

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B9

My Charter for Safe and Happy Relationships

My Rights

My Expectations

My Responsibilities

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Unit 10: Understanding Sexual Abuse

B

Unit 10: Understanding Sexual Abuse Overall Aim To provide pupils with basic information about the nature and extent of sexual abuse in order to help them to keep themselves safe.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Be able to define what is meant by sexual abuse. • Be able to describe the grooming process. • Develop skills to keep themselves safe in risky situations. • Gain important information about advice, help and support.

Activities Defining Sexual Abuse Individually or in pairs, pupils complete the quiz Sexual Abuse – Myth and Reality. The facilitator then goes through the answers with the young people:

1. Reality: around 87% of sexual abuse occurs within the family or by someone known to the child. 2. Myth: sexual abuse happens to both boys and girls. 3. Myth: sexual abuse can happen anywhere – regardless of area, social and economic standing etc. 4. Reality: about one third of sexual abuse is perpetrated by teenagers. 5. Myth: paedophiles don't go around with a big sign on their foreheads. They look normal, and are often highly respected members of the community. They are also often very socially skilled. 6. Myth: in fact naming and shaming paedophiles can make matters worse, because it encourages them to go underground, where they can't be monitored. 7. Don't know: because the cases that are recorded may only be the tip of the iceberg, it's difficult to assess whether abuse is more common now than previously. It certainly gains a lot of media attention, but that doesn't mean to say that it's more common. 8. Reality. 9. Myth: behind every image there is a real child somewhere who is being abused. Paedophiles use pornography to stimulate their tendencies. 10. Reality: (see the answer to question 4).

Further information is then shared, using the information sheet What is Sexual Abuse? This sheet helps young people to understand more specifically what sexual abuse is, how often it occurs, and who the abusers might be. It's important for young people to realise that sexual abuse is, in essence, an abuse of power and trust, and that it can also be perpetrated by someone just a bit older i.e. another young person. Facilitators should try to stress how important it is that young people shouldn't feel pressurised to do anything that makes them feel uncomfortable or to which they do not fully consent.

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B Unit 10: Understanding Sexual Abuse This information should ideally be backed up by a visiting speaker, for example, from the police or the NSPCC, who can give real life examples of incidents.

Understanding the Grooming Process In small groups, pupils are given sets of cards prepared from the activity sheet Stages of the Grooming Process. Their first task is to put the stages into chronological order. Groups feed their thoughts back to the main group. Pupils are now given the information sheet Stages of the Grooming Process, showing the stages of the grooming process in chronological order and can check their order against this. They discuss what a young person could do at each stage to keep themselves safe, as well as who the young person could turn to, and write their ideas onto the sheet. Pupils could also look at the quotes on the sheet Warning Signs, and identify what the sex offender is trying to do. At what stage of the grooming process would these quotes be likely to happen?

What Could I Do? Keep Yourself Safe in the Community Scenarios In pairs or small groups pupils look at the sample scenarios, and discuss what this young person could do to keep themselves safe and who they could turn to for help and support.

Materials • Quiz sheet Sexual Abuse – Myth and Reality. • Information sheet What is Sexual Abuse? • Ranking cards and information sheet The Stages of the Grooming Process. • Information sheet Warning Signs – the Behaviour of Sex Offenders. • What Could I Do? activity sheet with sample scenarios.

Sensitive Issues Pupils may mention inappropriate relationships or sexual abuse. Staff should be alert to any signs that young people have been affected by abuse, for example, changes in behaviour, physical symptoms, inappropriate use of language.

Sources of Help and Support It's important that pupils are given information about sources of help and support, including Helplines and websites. The NSPCC free national Helpline: 0808 800 5000 The NSPCC website address:www.nspcc.org.uk Young people can access help and advice from a trained counsellor online through contacting www. There4me.com. There are also dedicated helplines for pupils who wish to access help and support through the medium of Welsh, or in an Asian language (numbers are given at the end of this section). Pupils can gain more information about the myths and realities of sexual abuse in the NSPCC's magazine-type publication Hands Off! Pupils could follow up these activities by producing a poster or leaflet, giving young people information and advice about keeping themselves safe from sexual abuse.

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Sexual Abuse – Myth and Reality Myth

Reality

B10

Don’t know

1. You are more likely to be sexually abused by someone you know than by a stranger. 2. Girls are more likely to be sexually abused than boys. 3. ‘I don’t need to know about child sexual abuse. It would never happen in my area.’ 4. Some young people are sexually abused by other young people. 5. ‘You can easily spot a paedophile.’ 6. Naming and shaming sex offenders is the only way to protect children. 7. That’s all you hear about these days – sexual abuse. It’s definitely more common than it used to be. 8. It is estimated that only one in ten cases of child sexual abuse is reported. 9. Child pornography is harmless. 10. One third of child sexual abuse is committed by teenagers and adolescents.

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B10

What is Sexual Abuse? Information Sheet Child sexual abuse is ‘the involvement of children and adolescents in sexual activities with an adult, or any person older or bigger, where there is a difference in age, size or power, in which the child is used as a sexual object to fulfil the older person’s needs or desires. The child or young person is unable to give informed consent due to the imbalance of power. Included in this definition are all types of sexual behaviours, ranging from grooming, sexually suggestive language or gestures, the use of pornography, exhibitionism, fondling, masturbation, through to penetration. It includes any sexual acts imposed upon a child or adolescent by any person within the family, or outside of it, who abuses their position of power and trust.’ [Adapted from Sanderson. C. (2000) p.46] It is important to realise that one third of sexual abuse is perpetrated by peers i.e. by someone more or less the same age as the victim. In essence, sexual abuse involves being forced into taking part in activities of a sexual nature which the victim is not comfortable with or doesn’t have control over. There are many myths around about child sexual abuse, partly due to high-profile cases which are given a lot of attention by the media. These myths can be quite dangerous, because they give us the impression that child sexual abuse is something dramatic and violent which happens elsewhere, rather than a much more subtle and gradual process which we all need to be alert to.

Some realities are listed below: • Around 87% of child sexual abuse occurs within the family or by people known to the family and the child. • The abduction and sexually motivated murder of children by strangers is committed by a minority of paedophiles (five to eight incidents per year). • Both boys and girls can be victims of sexual abuse. • Sexual abuse can happen anywhere. • One third of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by teenagers and adolescents. • Child sexual abusers are (seemingly) ‘nice’ people, not monsters; they groom adults in order to gain access to children. • Naming and shaming paedophiles merely drives them underground, making it harder to police them and increasing the threat they pose. • Sexual abuse has existed for centuries and is not a new problem, although we may hear more about it in the media these days. • It is estimated that only one in ten cases of child sexual abuse is reported. • Child pornography is very definitely harmful. Sex offenders use pornography in the grooming process and to stimulate their tendencies. Behind every picture a real child is being abused.

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Stages of the Grooming Process

B10

Copy this sheet and cut into cards. Jumble the cards up, and ask the pupils in small groups to try to put the stages of the grooming process into chronological order.

Choose target for age and appearance. Become someone the child's parents think they can trust and rely on. Build up a ‘trusting’ relationship with the target. Engage the target in innocent forbidden activities e.g. food, entertainment, bed-times, treats. Test out whether the target will keep innocent secrets. Build up the idea of a special and exclusive relationship. Test out non-sexual physical contact e.g. accidental touching. Lower the target's inhibitions e.g. through use of child pornography. Manipulate the child to perform some sexual acts e.g. touching. Blackmail to ensure secrecy – threat that ‘special’ relationship will be withdrawn. Sexual assault(s). Termination of relationship: target no longer innocent or desirable.

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B10

The Stages of the Grooming Process – Information Sheet It is common for paedophiles to spend a considerable amount of time targeting, enticing and ensnaring a child for sexual purposes. This is called grooming, which is, in essence, a subtle form of deception, manipulation and emotional seduction, where bonds of friendship, trust and intimacy are formed with both the child and parents. Paedophiles can be remarkably patient, and the grooming process can take weeks, months or even years. The grooming process is similar both on and offline. Look at these stages in the grooming process in small groups, and for each stage discuss: • What could I do to keep myself safe? • Who could I turn to for help, support and advice? Stage of the Grooming Process

What could I do?

Who could I turn to?

Choose target for age and appearance. Become someone the child's parents can trust and rely on. Build up a ‘trusting’ relationship with the target. Engage the target in innocent forbidden activities e.g. bed-times, treats. Test out whether the target will keep innocent secrets. Build up the idea of a special and exclusive relationship. Test out non-sexual physical contact e.g. accidental touching. Lower the target's inhibition e.g. through pornography. Manipulate the child to perform some sexual acts e.g. touching. Blackmail to ensure secrecy – threat that relationship will be withdrawn. Sexual assault(s) Termination of relationship.

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Warning Signs – the Behaviour of Sex Offenders

B10

Below are some quotes, showing the kind of thing a sex offender might say to a young person or their parents. • Can you identify what the abuser is trying to do? • At what stage of the grooming process might these happen? Would you like to look at this DVD with me? It’s a special one – but don’t tell mum and dad, will you?

Shall we play our special game?

I’ve got a surprise for you. You like surprises, don’t you?

You know you can trust me, don’t you? We’re special friends.

If you’re a good boy we can stay up a bit longer and watch the football together, and I’ve got some special sweets for you – but don’t tell mum and dad, will you?

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I can be available to baby-sit most weeks on a Saturday evening, if you want to go out – I don’t do much on Saturdays.

You like this, don’t you? This is something only special friends do.

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B10

What Could I Do? Keeping Yourself Safe in the Community Scenarios In small groups, look at the following scenarios. • What could the young person do? • Who could he/she talk to about what has happened? • What could have been done to avoid this situation in the first place? 1. A member of staff from your scout club has been offering you a lift home on a regular basis. Last week his hand ‘accidentally’ brushed against your knee as he was changing gear. You felt really awkward. You're not sure whether you imagined this but you feel worried about accepting a lift from him again. 2. Your friend has a part-time job in a newspaper shop. She's going through a bad time at the moment because her parents are getting a divorce, and she feels very vulnerable. The owner of the shop keeps giving her presents, and tells her that she is his very best member of staff. Gradually his comments have become more sexual and she has begun to feel quite uncomfortable. Yesterday he approached her in the storeroom and touched her up. He warned her that if she told anyone she'd lose her job. 3. Darren, your cousin, came to stay with you last week. He's in his 20s, and you only see him once in a while. On Friday evening your parents went out, and Darren said that he had a special DVD you could watch together. It was pornographic. You thought it was disgusting but Darren insisted that it's ‘normal’ for boys of your age to watch stuff like this. He warned you not to tell your parents. 4. You've been going out with a boy from the Sixth form. This makes you feel really special, especially because he's really good-looking and a bit of a heart-throb. Although you really value your relationship, he's starting to pressurise you to develop the physical side of your relationship. You're not ready for this,and you're beginning to feel out of control.You're not sure what to do.

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19/4/06 15:16:34

Unit 11: Sexual Abuse on the Internet

11

Unit 11: Sexual Abuse on the Internet Overall Aim To provide pupils with basic information about the nature and extent of sexual abuse on the Internet in order to help them to keep themselves safe.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Have a realistic understanding of the advantages and dangers of the Internet. • Understand how the grooming process can work online. • Develop skills to keep themselves safe online. • Draw up their own rules for keeping themselves safe online.

Activities Advantages and Disadvantages of the Internet As a whole class or in smaller groups pupils brainstorm the opportunities and dangers of the Internet. In what ways do the Internet and other technologies, including mobile phones, benefit young people? What dangers do they pose? Ideas are noted on the activity sheet The Internet: Friend or Foe and shared in the larger group. Using the activity sheet It'll Never Happen to Me! pupils discuss why they think young people are vulnerable and open to abuse on the Internet (for example,‘It'll never happen to me!’, the illusion that you're safe in your own home). What might make some young people more vulnerable than others? They might be lonely, have low self-esteem, be seeking adventure or misunderstand the risks.

Understanding the Grooming Process Online In small groups, pupils are given the sample case-studies Child Sexual Abuse on the Internet, adapted from actual cases referred to one of the NSPCC’s Helplines. Pupils read through the case scenarios, and discuss the following questions: • In what ways were the young people able to be abused? • Why were they vulnerable? (e.g. because of interests, flattered by advances, etc.) • What steps could the young person/their parents have taken to keep themselves safe on the Net? • Groups feed back their thoughts to the main group. • Pupils now have a general discussion about what the young people could have done at each stage to keep themselves safe and who they could have turned to.

How Can I Keep Myself Safe? Practice with Scenarios In pairs or small groups the pupils look at the scenarios on the sheet Sexual Abuse on the Internet, and decide what these young people could do to keep themselves safe and who they could talk to. Pupils work together to draw up their own safety rules, using the sheet My Rules for Keeping Safe on the Internet. They can design posters or leaflets for use by other pupils in the school, or plan an assembly on the topic.

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B Unit 11: Sexual Abuse on the Internet A visiting speaker could also be invited to give input on this topic, perhaps from the police or NSPCC.

Materials • Activity sheet The Internet: Friend or Foe? • Activity sheet It'll Never Happen to Me! • Child Sexual Abuse on the Internet: Sample Case-studies • Sexual Abuse on the Internet: Scenarios • Activity sheet My Rules for Keeping Safe on the Internet. • Art materials and computers for creating posters and leaflets.

Sensitive Issues Teachers should be alert to any mention of forming relationships online which may feel uncomfortable, and be ready to talk to pupils in confidence if necessary. Likewise, any mention of accessing inappropriate material on the Internet (e.g. pornography) would need to be addressed. Pupils need to be clear that accessing pornographic material involving children is a criminal activity.

Further Help and Support Some sources of information regarding keeping yourself safe on the Internet are:

• NSPCC websites www.nspcc.org.uk (particularly Kids Zone, which contains advice for young people and parents on using the Internet) and www.There4me.com – an interactive website where young people can access confidential and professional advice and support online. NSPCC also has Helplines, which offer free confidential help and advice on issues around child protection and safety: 0808 800 5000 (England); 0808 100 2524 (Wales); and the Asian Helpline: 0800 096 7719

• ChildLine www.childline.org.uk or telephone 0808 1111. ChildLine has drawn up guidelines for young people about using the Internet safely. These can be found at www.childline.org.uk/Safesurfing.asp

• NCH (National Children's Homes) www.NCHITOK, includes an Internet Safety Guide. There is a particularly useful set of rules for young people – i.e. Cyber Cedric's Netsmart Rules.

• The Home Office Keeping your Child Safe on the Internet – a downloadable booklet giving information to parents about helping their children to chat safely online. Available from www.wiseuptothenet.co.uk

• Your Guide to Safe Surfing Guidelines about keeping safe on the Internet at www.ThinkUKnow.com – advice for young people and case-studies.

• www.Chatdanger.com How to Keep Safe in Chat Rooms – Information for young people, parents and schools.

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The Internet: Friend or Foe?

B11

The Internet opens up a whole range of possibilities for us, in terms of the services and information we can access through it, but it can also pose dangers for us. In a small group, list the opportunities which the Internet opens up for young people, and then list the potential dangers which you need to be aware of. Opportunities: ...................................................................................................................................................

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Dangers: ...................................................................................................................................................

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B11

It’ll Never Happen to Me! We hear stories of young people being deceived online, even though they may be aware of rules about Internet safety. • Why do you think that this happens? • In a small group, discuss what factors might make some young people more vulnerable and open to abuse on the Internet.

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Child Sexual Abuse on the Internet: Sample Case-studies

B11

The following are cases recently referred to one of the NSPCC's Helplines. In a small group, read through the situations and discuss: • In what ways were the young people concerned able deceived by the abusers? (i.e. can you identify the grooming process?) • Why were they vulnerable? (e.g. interests, flattered by advances.) • What steps could the young person and their parents have taken to protect themselves? * * * * * * * *

1. Simon Caller (parent) contacted the helpline to report her concerns. Worried over a number of days about the sudden change in the behaviour of her 11 year old son. He appeared anxious and tearful, and reluctant to go outdoors. Both parents sat down with 'Simon' and he slowly opened up to them. He explained that after his football training session he'd waited for his usual bus. A male adult approached him at the bus stop and started talking to him. The man asked him if his name was Simon and he replied, ‘Yes’. Simon was puzzled how this man knew him and queried: ‘How come you know my name?’ The man responded, ‘But aren't you Simon who scored two goals for... team last weekend and you’re hoping to get a place in the Under 12's for... Town?’ The man showed interest in football in the area and had mentioned the names of the other team players. The conversation developed and the man suggested that they went for a walk to see the new football building. The man seemed over friendly in his mannerisms and got very close to Simon and started asking him more intimate questions. A car passed by and Simon knew the driver. He felt scared and wanted to get away. He saw the bus approaching and darted towards it. The adult male ran away. While talking to his parents, Simon recalled that he had been in a chat room a few days earlier where he had been chatting for a long time with another boy who was also interested in sport.They had been discussing football, and had told each other which clubs they played for, what their ambitions were and also what they looked like.

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B11 The reason for telling each other about their appearances was that Simon learned that both of them were going to the same summer training school later in the season. They wanted to know what each other looked like so that they might be able to recognise each other at the training school. Together Simon and his parents realised that the chat session must have been the reason that the man was at the bus stop. The person in the chat room had pretended to be of the same age to encourage Simon to give more information with ease. By collating the chat room details from the Internet provider, as well as the information from the helpline, the local child protection police unit were able to trace the adult male. He was arrested and charged.

2. Worries about a Friend A female (14) contacted the NSPCC Helpline asking for advice. She was worried that her friend had developed an 'obsession' with someone she had 'met' on the Internet (in a chat room for fans of rock groups) who claimed to be a male of the same age. The caller was aware that this male had been sending text messages to her friend's phone and also sending her CDs, tickets to concerts and planning her train fares to distant venues. The caller had read some of the messages and had grown more and more suspicious by the wording used and questions asked, often containing sexualised terms. She was concerned that her friend was being swayed by the attention and unable to resist the offers of gifts and meetings in further places. She wanted to know if her suspicions were founded and what steps could be taken to safeguard the friend from coming to any harm. In this case, neither parents nor teachers were aware of any of these issues. The 14 year old female was deemed an excellent pupil and posed no cause for concern within her home or school environment. NSPCC Helplines: • England: 0808 800 5000 • Wales: 0808 100 2524 (Service in Welsh between 9 am & 5 pm – after that calls are redirected to the London Helpline). • Asian Helpline (for services in Gujurati, Punhabi, Hindi and Urdu): 0800 096 7719.

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Sexual Abuse on the Internet: Scenarios

B11

Look at the examples given below and consider: • What can you do to keep yourself safe? • Who should you talk to about what's happened? * * * * * * *

1. You're in a chat-room on the Internet where a number of you are sharing information about your favourite football teams. One boy likes the same team and the same players as you. He suggests that you move to a private chat-room so that you can continue your conversation more easily. 2. You've just moved schools and are having problems making friends. You're feeling really lonely. In a chat-room you meet a boy called Steven who comes from your old area, and who is willing to talk to you about your feelings. This has given a real boost to your self-esteem. He asks for your email address so that you can chat more easily. 3. You've been exchanging information about pop groups with a boy in a chatroom. Over a period of time he's persuaded you to move to a private chat-room, because nobody else was interested in the same group as you two. He's really good fun and your conversations have become more and more important to you. One day he sends you an attachment and asks you to open it.When you do you are shocked to find that it's a pornographic image. 4. You've met a boy over the Internet, and he seems to be really nice. After a while he starts asking you questions which strike you as odd – about where your computer is and who is able to access it, your relationship to your parents, and where they are now. You wonder why he wants to know these things. 5. You're aware that your brother is downloading pornographic images from the Internet and that he's got some on his mobile phone as well. Once you went into his room to tell him that supper was ready and you caught him at it. He shouted at you, and threatened to give you a good hiding if you said anything to your parents. 6. You've become friendly with a girl called Charlotte over the Internet, and you chat about all sorts of things. Gradually she's started asking you questions which make you feel uncomfortable: ‘Have you ever kissed anyone?’ and ‘Do you ever touch yourself?’ She insists that it's quite normal for ‘special’ friends to talk about this sort of thing; you're not so sure.

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B11

My Rules for Keeping Safe on the Internet

Work in a small group. Draw up your own rules for keeping safe on the Internet. Include some advice about what you would do if you didn't feel safe.

If I don’t feel safe, I can contact:

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19/4/06 15:16:46

Unit 12: Happy Families? Relationships at Home

B

Unit 12: Happy Families? Relationships at Home Overall Aim To identify causes of stress and conflict at home, including domestic violence, and to help young people acquire the skills to cope or to access help and support.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Identify causes of stress and conflict at home. • Share ideas and strategies for coping with conflict at home and know when to access help. • Practise dealing with difficult situations which may arise at home. • Understand the nature and scope of domestic violence. • Gain important information about sources of advice, help and support.

Activities Stress and Conflict In small groups, pupils use the activity sheet Home Sweet Home: Stress and Conflict at Home and identify sources of stress and conflict at home. How are they dealt with at the moment, and are these ways effective? In pairs of small groups, pupils look at the activity sheet Problems at Home containing family problems, and practise giving one another advice about how these could be resolved. Ideas are fed back to the whole group. The facilitator could set up a ‘post box’, where further questions, problems, or pieces of advice could be posted, and then looked at in the next lesson.

Domestic Abuse – Myth and Reality In pairs or small groups pupils complete the quiz, containing information about the incidence and nature of domestic violence. Groups feed back and the results are collated then compared to the facts: 1. Reality: Domestic violence affects one in four women and one in six men in their lifetimes. 89% of those suffering four or more incidents are women. 2. Myth: Domestic violence is a crime, and the police take it seriously. 3. On average, two women a week are killed by a current or former male partner. 4. Reality: Many women are afraid to report domestic violence, or persuade themselves that it will get better. 5. Reality. 6. Myth: Domestic violence is rarely a one-off incident, but rather a recurring pattern of abusive and controlling behaviour. 7. Myth: But it's not far off. Domestic violence actually accounts for nearly 22% of all violent crime (British Crime Survey, 2002)

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B Unit 12: Happy Families? Relationships at Home 8. Reality: Although there are many subtle ways of degrading someone and undermining their self-esteem. 9. Myth: Children are often present in the same or next room when domestic violence takes place (in 90% of incidents according to Hughes, 1992). They are also subject to emotional and psychological abuse because of the violence, and are at increased risk of physical harm. 10. Reality. 11. Reality: This may be one reason why domestic violence continues for such a long time before it is reported. Information could be given at this point from a visiting speaker, perhaps from Women's Aid or the police, or groups could be asked to do further research on websites by the next lesson, and prepare a presentation. It's important that the impact of domestic violence on the whole family is stressed – particularly the impact on children. (Teachers and facilitators will need to be sensitive to the fact that pupils in the class may be affected, see Sensitive Issues, below.)

Violence at Home – What Can I Do? In pairs or small groups pupils look at the sample scenarios, and discuss what the young person could do in these situations, including where they could access to help and support. Sources of advice, help and support are given at the end of this section, including Helplines, Women's Aid, the police and the NSPCC.

Follow-up Activity Some pupils could find out more information from websites. Others may like to design a leaflet or poster for young people on domestic violence, to be displayed around the school, or organise ordering information from outside organisations.

Materials • Activity sheet Home, Sweet Home: Stress and Conflict at Home. • Problem page Problems as Home. • Quiz Domestic Abuse – Myth and Reality. • Activity sheet Violence at Home – What Can I Do?’

Sensitive Issues It is likely that a pupil or pupils in the class will have direct experience of domestic violence. The school may know of relevant circumstances and the facilitator should check before undertaking this unit. Facilitators should be alert to any signs that a pupil is distressed by the content of the unit. Channels of help and support within the school should be flagged up, as well as external helplines and sources of support.

Sources of Help and Support See the references at the bottom of the activity sheet Violence at Home – What Can I Do?, also the list of resources, helplines and websites at the end of this section.

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Home, Sweet Home: Stress and Conflict at Home

B12

In a small group, list examples of stress and conflict at home.What do people get annoyed or fall out about? How are these problems dealt with at the moment, and are these ways effective?

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B12

Problems at Home Work in a small group. Read the problem page below. • What could the young person do about these problems? • What advice or help could you offer them? • Where else could they turn for help and advice? Things have gone from bad to worse since my dad lost his job. He’s gets really irritable, and then he shouts at my mum, who gets upset. He’s started going out to the pub a lot, too. Last week he came back in an awful state and he and Mum had a row. I heard him hit Mum. In the morning she had bruising on her face, and she’d been crying. What can I do?

Mum and Dad have been separated for a couple of years, and now Mum has a new partner – Keith. They’ve decided that he’s going to move in – with his children, who are 8 and 10. I feel as though my home is being taken over, and I really miss Dad. Nobody talks to me about how I feel.

I don’t get on with my stepbrothers and sisters at all. They boss me around all the time, and Dad always seems to believe what they say – even when it’s not true! I’d like to go and live with my mum, but she’s got a new partner, and I’m not sure whether she wants me either. I don’t know where I belong.

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When I was in primary school, Mum and I used to have lots of fun together – painting and reading stories, and going into town. Now, though, she’s gone back to work, and she’s stressed all the time trying to keep up with work, shopping, cleaning, cooking and looking after my little brother. I wish she’d let me help her more.

I don’t get on with my stepbrothers and sisters at all.They boss me around all the time, and Dad always seems to believe what they say – even when it’s not true! I’d like to go and live with my mum, but she’s got a new partner, and I’m not sure whether she wants me either. I don’t know where I belong.

19/4/06 15:16:53

Domestic Abuse – Myth and Reality Myth

Reality

B12

Don’t know

1. One woman in four experiences domestic violence at some stage in her life. 2. Domestic violence is not a crime. 3. An estimated average of two women per week are murdered by their current or former partner. 4. A woman will be assaulted on average 35 times by her partner or ex-partner before asking for help. 5. Domestic violence often starts and / or escalates during pregnancy. 6. Domestic violence is often a one-off event. 7. Domestic violence accounts for one third of all violent crime. 8. There are four defined areas of domestic abuse – physical, sexual, psychological and financial. 9. Children are not usually affected by domestic violence. 10. One incident of domestic violence is reported to the police every minute. 11. Many women affected by domestic violence want to stop the violence and save the relationship.

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B12

Violence at Home – What Can I Do? Read through the following scenarios in small groups, then discuss: • How do you think the young person is affected by the situation? • What could they do? • Where could they access help and support?

My dad is always putting my mum down. He calls her ‘fat’ and ‘stupid’ and criticises everything she does. When he’s around we’re all on tenterhooks in case we do something wrong.When he’s been to the pub he can turn quite nasty, too. Lately he’s smashed a couple of mum’s ornaments – ones she was particularly fond of. Last night he came home and I could hear he was in a particularly bad temper. There was a lot of banging downstairs, and I heard my mum crying. I didn’t dare go downstairs. This morning Mum was wearing loads of make-up, and her eye looked swollen. What can I do? I’m scared for mum. I don’t know what he’ll do next.

My step-mum won’t leave my dad alone. She’s always nagging him to do this and that, and complaining about everything he does. She says he’s useless in the house, and goes on about how badly he’s brought me and my brother up. Dad’s looking really depressed lately, and I don’t think he can take much more. He’s really patient, but I’m afraid what he might do if he suddenly snaps. I don’t know what I can do to help. It must be my fault.

Some Helplines NSPCC National Helpline: 0808 800 5000 Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 8010800 Police: 999

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Unit 12: Happy Families? Relationships at Home

B

Resources and Sources of Help and Support Child Abuse • The NSPCC produces a pocket-size booklet, Worried, Need to Talk/Poeni, Angen Siarad for teenagers with information about what abuse is, and what a young person should do if they are being abused. The booklet also contains a list of organisations which can help young people on various issues, such as bullying, domestic violence and self-harm. • Another NSPCC magazine-type publication, Hands Off!/Peidiwch â Chyffwrdd! – seeks to inform young people about the myths and realities of sexual abuse. • The NSPCC also has a national free Helpline: 0808 800 5000 where young people can call confidentially and talk to a trained counsellor. A Textphone is also available on 0800 056 0566. The Helpline in Wales offers a bilingual service from 9 am to 5 pm on 0808 100 2524. Through the Asian Helpline, help can also be accessed in Gujurati, Punjabi, Hindi and Urdu: for details of precise numbers phone the Asian Helpline on 0800 096 7719. • Young people can also seek advice through the NSPCC's online counselling service www.There4me.com or through the NSPCC's website, especially KidsZone. • ChildLine have a 24-hour free helpline: 0800 1111, and can provide confidential counselling about issues, including abuse, which affect young people's health and wellbeing. Their website, www.childline.org.uk, contains downloadable information and advice about child abuse. • The Internet Watch Foundation provide a UK-wide hotline for reporting illegal content on the Internet (especially content including images of child abuse). Their website is www.iwf.org.uk

Bullying • Many of the organisations listed have downloadable resources for young people from the Internet. Some books for adults about how to reduce bullying and deal with it effectively are given in the bibliography. • The NSPCC will be producing an anti-bullying Z-card from autumn 2005 – i.e. a pocket-size card in the shape of a credit card, with fold-out information and advice to young people from young people about bullying.

Organisations • NSPCC: Information and advice about bullying for young people, parents and professionals can be found on the NSPCC website, www.nspcc.org.uk, in particular the Kids Zone section. NSPCC also has an interactive website for young people at www.There4me.com where they can access confidential advice and support from a trained counsellor. • ChildLine gives support and advice to young people about a range of issues: their free helpline is 0800 1111. Downloadable resources for young people are available. • Beatbullying aims to reduce and prevent the incidence and impact of bullying, whether physical, emotional or verbal, between young people. www.beatbullying.org 020 8771 3377. They also have an interactive site for young people. • Kidscape a national organisation which provides information and advice to parents, professionals and young people about bullying: www.kidscape.org.uk. Their website contains

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B Unit 12: Happy Families? Relationships at Home the following resources, amongst others: A Practical Guide for Schools and Teenscape – a Manual for Teaching 12-16 year olds About Personal Safety (covers bullying, saying ‘No’ and abuse). • Bullying Online: www.bullyingonline.org.uk provides online help and support for young people who are the victims of bullying. The website includes an online problem page. • Stonewall: a national organisation which campaigns against homophobia. Their website is www.stonewall.org.uk and includes a section on ‘Tackling Homophobia in Education’.

Conflict Resolution LEAP Confronting Conflict LEAP is a national voluntary youth organisation and a registered charity providing opportunities for young people to explore creative approaches to conflict in their lives. More details can be found at www. leaplinx.com. They organise regional and national peer-led events for young mediators, and have now set up a separate website for the Young Mediators' Network, which can be accessed at www.youngmediatorsnetwork.org

Mediation UK Helps both adults and young people who are experiencing conflict in their lives. www.mediationuk.org.uk • Peer Support Forum: promotes the use of peer support and mediation in schools Information can be accessed through the National Children's Bureau: www.ncb.org.uk/psf or contact Simon Blake on 020 7843 1160.

Sex Education • APAUSE (Added Power and Understanding in Sex Education) is a multi-agency, schools-based sex and relationships education (SRE) programme. The programme provides training, classroom materials and processes, monitoring and evaluation. The programme typically targets Year 9, and involves using peer-led education. The programme has been developed in the Department of Child Health at Exeter University: see www.ex.ac.uk/sshs/apause.

Domestic Violence • Information and help can be accessed through Domestic Violence Fora on a local basis. • Women's Aid: a national organisation which campaigns for the protection of women from domestic abuse UK-wide. They manage a 24-hour free national Domestic Violence Helpline: 0808 2000 247, and their address is: PO Box 391, Bristol BS99 7WS. Their website: www.womensaid.org.uk includes an accessible, downloadable Domestic Violence Information Pack, including facts and figures about domestic violence and questions and answers. The website also contains links to other useful sites.

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C Section C

Right On! Keeping Positive When the Going Gets Tough

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Introduction It is recognised that adolescence is a crucial period for the development of positive mental health and wellbeing. During this time young people have to make adjustments on many levels, and their feelings and beliefs about who they are and their values and goals in life are being laid down. With the help of a supportive peer group and family, most young people make the transition from childhood to adulthood without major distress. We know, however, that for a considerable minority this is not the case. Young Minds calculates that more than 10% of 16-25 year olds will experience a mental health problem and will need skilled help. Given this statistic, the importance of taking a preventative approach and of actively promoting the emotional and mental health of young people is being increasingly recognised. Emotional literacy programmes focus on developing young people's ability to understand and manage their thoughts and feelings, and those of others, thus helping them to develop self-esteem and to overcome the negative effects of emotions such as anger, anxiety and stress. Emotional literacy is also a factor which promotes resilience, enabling young people to withstand abusive situations, and to overcome the effects of abuse. This Unit aims to enable young people to acquire positive coping skills to help them through difficult periods in their lives. These can be due to internal factors, such as lack of self-confidence, anxiety or depression, or because of external circumstances, such as change, bereavement or abuse. By working through the units in this section, young people will acquire some positive personal strategies and build up their emotional and mental resilience. It should be stressed that the strategies contained in these units can be adopted by everyone and fall very much within a preventative approach. There is no claim to specialist expertise here, and young people who show severe symptoms of depression, for instance, will need to be referred on for specialist help. Professionals working with young people should be alert to signs of serious mental health problems, and know who they should pass concerns on to. The aim of Unit 1 is to boost pupils' self-esteem and to help them to value others' gifts and skills. In Units 2 and 3 students go on to recognise and understand negative feelings and thoughts in themselves, and to work out positive strategies for dealing with them. Cognitive strategies are introduced which enable young people to take a more balanced view of circumstances, and to develop positive self-talk. In Unit 4 pupils share ideas about specific actions they can take to help themselves when they're feeling down. Adolescence is a time when many young people feel under pressure, caused by the need to conform to a certain image or ways of behaving, by the importance of being accepted by one’s friends, and by academic pressures and the need to ‘succeed’. Units 5 and 6 look at ways in which young people can cope with anxiety and stress, so that they can feel more in control of their own lives. Units 7 and 8 look at more extreme problems – namely that of loss and bereavement, and self-harm. Unit 7 aims to help young people to better understand the feelings and thoughts which occur at times of loss and change, and to develop strategies to cope at such periods of their lives. Unit 8 explains the range of behaviours which can be included under the umbrella of self-harm, and share thoughts about positive ways for finding an outlet for frustration and negative feelings. There is an emphasis throughout this section of enabling young people to develop their own strategies and solutions. At the same time it is important to stress sources of help and support, both within the school and externally. These are flagged up at the end of each unit where appropriate, and also in the Resources and Sources of Help and Support pages at the end of this section.

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Unit 1: Feeling Good About Myself

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Unit 1: Feeling Good About Myself Overall Aim To encourage pupils to feel good about themselves and to value others.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Understand the importance of self-esteem for personal and emotional wellbeing. • Learn to value their own attributes and skills and those of others. • Develop techniques for boosting their own self-esteem and that of others.

Activities Ground Rules Explain to the pupils that this session is about the importance of self-esteem for everyone's positive emotional wellbeing. It is therefore important that ground rules are agreed so that everyone is respected, and that no one feels belittled or excluded. Group ground rules for the session are then drawn up. Some suggestions for possible ground rules are: • listen to one another • one person to speak at once • make sure everyone's included • no put-downs • respect other people's point of view • work together. It's important that these rules are framed in positive terms as far as possible, rather than in terms of ‘don'ts’.

Positive Introductions The group is seated in a large circle. The pupils introduce themselves and the pupil on their lefthand side one at a time, including first names and an adjective which starts with the same sound. The adjective must be positive, for example, ‘I'm stunning Sarah, and this is charismatic Chris’; ‘I'm charismatic Chris, and this is generous Jenny.’ The descriptions can be as outlandish and funny as pupils want – as long as they are positive.

Looking for Treasure Individual pupils are now given the sheet Looking for Treasure. The aim of this activity is for pupils to speak to as many of their fellow-pupils as possible, to find someone who has the attribute or skill named in each box, and to write that person's name in the space provided. Pupils are asked to talk first to fellow-pupils whom they don't know so well. Encourage lots of interaction by identifying some requirements, such as you can’t use any individual name more than twice. At the end of the exercise, pupils should have found out some new and sometimes unexpected things about other members of the group.

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C Unit 1: Feeling Good About Myself After about ten minutes, the pupils are reconvened in a circle. Each pupil is then asked to say one new thing which they found out from doing the exercise, having checked out, first of all, that the other pupil is willing for them to share that information. The facilitator stresses how important it is to value one another's positive qualities and skills and to practise giving people positive comments about these.

My Personal Profile The pupils are asked to imagine that they are applying for a job. They should fill in Section A of the ‘application form’, naming their personal qualities, skills and experience. The facilitator may need to explain that qualities are about what kind of person we are (for example, whether we are generous or kind) whilst skills are what we are able to do (for example, able to communicate well or ride a bike). Explain that one of the most difficult things in life is to be able to correctly assess one's own qualities and skills, but that it is important to be able to do so, and that we all have positive qualities and skills, even though we may feel negative about ourselves at times. Pupils now pass on their ‘application form’ to ‘Referee 1’ (friend) who writes in their partner's skills and qualities from their knowledge of them. During this activity the facilitator goes round and adds a positive comment in the ‘Referee 2’ box on each ‘application form’. In this way, every pupil should have had positive feedback from two people.

Top Tips For Feeling Good About Myself As a whole group, pupils do a brainstorm around their Top Tips for helping them to feel good about themselves. This obviously needs to be in ways that don't minimise the self-esteem of others, or hurt them in any way.

Compliment Bank Each young person is given the Compliment Bank sheet, and writes their name in block capitals in the box at the bottom of the page. The sheets are now passed to the left. The pupils receiving them write a compliment about that person at the top of the sheet, fold the paper over so that the comment can't be read, and pass it on to the next person. This continues until everyone has their original sheet back – with 20+ positive comments on them!

Materials • Looking for Treasure activity sheet. • My Personal Profile form. • Top Tips for Feeling Good About Myself sheet. • Compliment Bank activity sheet.

Sensitive Issues During this session, facilitators will have to look out for any discrimination against individual pupils in the group. The aim of this session is to boost pupils' sense of self-esteem, but if any pupils receive negative comments or are made to feel excluded, it could do the opposite! Hopefully, drawing up ground rules at the beginning should reduce the likelihood of this happening – but facilitators should still be alert to any behaviour which may make a pupil feel uncomfortable.

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Looking for Treasure

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Your name ............................................................................................ Find someone who: Likes making things.

Knows how to make someone happy.

Likes sport (which ones?).

Has a particular ambition.

Has a good sense of humour.

Knows what to do if someone is upset.

Is reliable.

Knows the qualities of a good friend.

Has a particular hobby.

Has helped to solve an argument.

Is good at solving problems.

Is a good team player.

Sometimes helps at home .

Can ride a bike.

Knows how to wash a car.

Can remember feeling proud about something.

Likes talking.

Would like to be a particular animal (which one and why?).

Likes drawing.

Can say, ‘Hello,’ in a different language.

Is a good listener.

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My Personal Profile A: To be filled in by the applicant Name .................................................................................................................... Personal qualities ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. Skills ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. .................................................................................................................................

B: Referee 1: ........................................................................................................ Qualities of applicant ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. Skills ................................................................................................................................. .................................................................................................................................

C: Referee 2: ....................................................................................................... Qualities of applicant ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. Skills ................................................................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................................................................

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Top Tips For Feeling Good About Myself

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Compliment Bank ..............................................................................................................................................................

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Name (in block capitals): ..........................................................................................................................................

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Unit 2: Dealing with Feelings

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Unit 2: Dealing with Feelings Overall Aim To help pupils to talk about situations which make them feel happy or unhappy, and to identify positive ways of coping with negative feelings.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Be able to identify what situations, words and actions trigger off happy and unhappy feelings for them. • Identify how these situations make them feel. • Explore what they can do to deal with negative feelings so that there are positive outcomes for themselves and others.

Activities Introduction The facilitator explains that it's important to understand that feelings aren't intrinsically ‘good’ or ‘bad’. We can't help having feelings. However, what we do with those feelings is important. We can learn to express and manage our feelings so that there are positive outcomes for ourselves and others.

Feeling Happy or Unhappy Pupils are given two Post-its each, and are asked to record on one of them what makes them feel happy, and on the other what makes them feel unhappy. Stress that these might be specific situations (e.g. a birthday, a death in the family); or people's words (praise, criticism); or people's actions (e.g. someone gives you a present, a friend ignores you). These are placed on two pieces of flip-chart at the front of the class. The facilitator reads the responses. As this information is to be shared, though anonymously, it is important to stress that pupils only put down information which they feel comfortable writing down.

Feeling Unhappy – What's Going On? Individually, pupils are asked to note the following information on the activity sheet Feeling Unhappy – What's Going On? • A situation that makes them feel unhappy. • The feelings that this situation causes in them. • How they react – what they do and say. • The consequences.

Good and Bad Outcomes Back in the whole group, the facilitator leads a general discussion around what are good outcomes when reacting to something that has hurt or upset us. General principles that come out of this discussion are listed on a flip-chart. These may include: • The outcome should be positive for all concerned. • Any disagreement or conflict isn't escalated.

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C Unit 2: Dealing with Feelings • It leads to a lasting solution.

Group Discussion With these principles in mind, the young people then reconvene in small groups, and draw up their Top Tips and ‘Things to be Avoided’ on the activity sheet When I Feel Unhappy – Good and Not So Good Reactions. In doing this, pupils can refer to the individual sheets they filled in if this is helpful. The groups' ideas are fed back to the whole group.

Reacting Positively – Quick Reactions Game In small groups, the pupils play the Quick Reactions game. Each group is given a set of cards, which are put down on the table face down. Each card contains a situation or words which could harm a young person's self-esteem. Some blank cards are provided so that pupils can add situations from their own experience, if they wish. The pupils take it in turns to read out a situation to another member of the group. He/she reflects, and reacts in a way which they think will lead to positive outcomes. As this activity involves talking about personal feelings and circumstances, it's important that young people should be allowed to work in groups which they feel comfortable in. They should also have the right to ‘pass’ if they do not wish to share information.

Materials • Post-its, flip-chart and pens. • Activity sheet Feeling Unhappy – What's Going On? • Activity sheet When I Feel Unhappy – Good and Not So Good Reactions. • Reacting Positively – Quick Reactions Game: copied onto card and cut up into sets for groups of pupils (about six to a group).

Sensitive Issues Some pupils may not feel comfortable about talking about situations which make them unhappy in the group and this should be respected. The facilitator should be alert to any friendship problems or circumstances which may be making particular members of the group feel unhappy or isolated. A pupil may talk about situations which cause concern or alarm, and facilitators may feel that they need to try to talk to that young person further on a one-to-one basis.

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Feeling Unhappy – What's Going On?

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A situation that makes me feel unhappy is...

This situation makes me feel...

This is what I do next... What I do...

What I say...

This is what happens next...

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When I Feel Unhappy – Good and Not So Good Reactions Top tips:

Things to be avoided:

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Reacting Positively – Quick Reactions Game

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Copy this sheet and cut up into sets for groups of about six pupils.

Some people in your class laugh at your new haircut/ new clothes. You thought you looked cool.

Your best friend says he/she can't go to the cinema with you tonight. You feel let down.

Your mum says you’re grounded because you were late coming in yesterday evening. It wasn't your fault.

You get really low marks in a maths test. You feel really upset. You just don't understand the work.

Your mum has let your little sister watch the programme she wants on TV again! You never get to choose.

A group of pupils in your class keep calling you ‘fatso’/ ‘skinny ribs’. Why can't they leave you alone?

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C2

Reacting Positively – Quick Reactions Game (cont.)

Your mum and dad had a row again last night. You think they're going to split up.

Your gran is ill in hospital, and things don't look good. You feel really sad.

Your friends keep going off and leaving you on your own. You don't know what you've done to offend them.

Your best friend keeps flirting with the boy/girl you fancy. You're beginning to feel really annoyed.

The geography teacher keeps putting you down, although you try your best. You've had enough.

Since your little brother was born your mum isn't coping very well, and you're having to do a lot of the housework.

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Reacting Positively – Quick Reactions Game (cont.)

You like to hang out with your mates in the local park. There's nowhere else much to go. You keep getting asked to move on.

C2

Your dad came home drunk last night and got really angry with your mum. She had a bruise on her cheek this morning.

The friends you hang around with say you've got to steal from the corner shop, or you can't be in their gang.

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C Unit 3: Think Positive!

Unit 3: Think Positive! Overall Aim To help pupils understand what happens when someone feels low or depressed, and what can be done to help. Note: • The term ‘depression’ is not used in this unit in the clinical sense, but rather to describe feeling low or down. The aim is to help pupils to consider what we all can do to lift our mood when we get into negative ways of thinking. • As this lesson entails some specialist knowledge, it may be considered beneficial for an outside facilitator to be present to help with conveying specific information, for example, someone from Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS).

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Understand what low mood or depression is and why it occurs. • Identify negative thought processes, and understand that they can play a role in low mood and depression. • Have learnt some techniques to help them think in positive ways. • Have information about who to turn to if they are feeling low or depressed.

Activities General Discussion The pupils brainstorm about what depression is, and why people may feel depressed. Stress that feeling low or down in the dumps is a very common problem, and that it can often be caused by life stresses such as money, work or housing problems, or difficulties in relationships. The facilitator may wish to give some additional information at this point (see the information sheet What is Depression?).

Identifying Negative Thought Patterns The facilitator asks how a person might be feeling when they feel depressed or down. Some points that may be drawn out are that the person feels: • helpless • alone • negative about themselves, the world and the future • that they are to blame for their shortcomings or for circumstances • that they don't enjoy anything any more • that they can't cope and find it hard to make decisions. Pupils now work in small groups and are given the cards from the activity sheet Identifying Negative Thoughts. Their task is to match the negative thoughts and feelings with the situations. (Some thoughts and feelings will apply to more than one situation.) They then discuss what these thoughts have

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Unit 3: Think Positive!

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in common and feed back to the whole group. Some points should be that people who are feeling depressed: • take things personally and are over-sensitive • are unreasonable and unrealistic • exaggerate the negative and ignore the positive • over-generalise. The information sheet on Identifying Negative Thoughts can be given out here.

What Can We Do? Brainstorm The facilitator asks the pupils to identify what they think people could do if they got into a cycle of negative thoughts and feelings.

Think Positive! The facilitator now hands out the information sheet Think Positive! and goes through the strategies outlined on it: • becoming aware of thought patterns and changing them • balancing • positive self-talk • talking things through with someone you know and trust • keeping a diary. Pupils are then asked to consider in pairs or groups any further strategies they may have to help them think positive, and note them down under point 7 on the sheet.

Practice in Changing Thought Patterns The facilitator gives one example of how negative thought patterns and ‘evidence’ can be changed, see the sheet Changing Negative to Positive (1). Pupils now work in small groups, and are given the sheet Changing Negative to Positive (2), containing a grid with room to write in a situation, automatic thoughts and negative evidence. The situations from the Identifying Negative Thoughts sheet can be used, or pupils can use their own examples. Their job is to think of alternative, balanced thoughts and positive evidence so that the situation can be seen in a more positive light. These are discussed and written in on the grid. Each group presents its situation and their thoughts as to how the negative thought patterns could be changed.

Positive Feedback and Self-talk Still in small groups, each pupil thinks of something about themselves that they tend to feel negative about, for example, ‘I'm hopeless at maths,’ or, ‘I'm too fat and nobody finds me attractive’. It will be important for the young people to work in groups which they feel comfortable in. It should also be stressed that they should only write down things which they feel comfortable sharing. Each pupil writes one of these negative thoughts on a piece of card or a Post-it, folds it up and puts it into a hat or box in the middle of the table. Pupils take it in turn to pick out a negative thought and to think of something they could say to that person as a friend to help them to feel more positive.

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C Unit 3: Think Positive! The positive comments are shared. The facilitator emphasises that friends and family can really help us when we are feeling low and depressed by helping us to see things in perspective. However, another way of helping ourselves is to practise positive ‘self-talk’ i.e. whenever we catch ourselves thinking a negative thought, try to change it into a more rational, positive thought.

Who Can I Turn To? Information is given about sources of help, including your GP, any help available in school (e.g. a school counsellor), and the local CAMHS service. The pupils can now fill in the sheet Who Can I Turn to?, including the people they would turn to if they were feeling low or depressed. The importance of talking to someone you know and trust is stressed. If young people really feel there is no one they can turn to, then Helplines can be useful. The numbers of the NSPCC and ChildLine Helpline numbers are given. Other sources or help or support are listed at the end of this section of the resource pack. NSPCC Helpline: 0808 800 5000 ChildLine: 0808 1111 Young Minds: a national charity committed to improving the mental health of all children and young people. Their website address is www.youngminds.org.uk

Materials • Information sheet What is Depression? • Activity sheet Identifying Negative Thoughts. • Information sheet Identifying Negative Thoughts. • Information and activity sheet Think Positive! • Sample sheet Changing Negative to Positive (1) and activity sheet Changing Negative to Positive (2). • Activity sheet Who Can I Turn To?

Sensitive Issues Facilitators should try to be alert to any pupils who show signs of being depressed over a period of time. Pupils may also talk about members of their family being depressed.

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What is Depression?

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Many of us feel low or depressed at times, often because of specific circumstances in our lives, such as a relationship breaking down, or because we are under an unusual amount of stress. In normal circumstance this blows over. Circumstances change or our natural coping mechanisms kick in, and our mood lifts again. Sometimes, however, the symptoms of depression can continue and get in the way of our health, normal functioning and wellbeing. Depression or low mood can be described as a number of feelings, thoughts and behaviours. People who feel depressed tend to feel helpless and alone; they may lose interest in their normal activities and find it difficult to relate to others. Negative feelings about oneself, the world and the future take over. Often depression will also be accompanied by physical symptoms, such as loss of appetite and a change in usual sleeping patterns. Some of the signs or symptoms you may experience if you are depressed are listed below. Tick any that apply to you. If you tick a lot of them, you may need to consult your GP or the school nurse:

Symptoms of Low Mood or Depression Feelings: • Feeling constantly sad, upset or tearful • Losing interest in usual activities or hobbies • Feeling alone even when with friends or in company • Feeling worthless, hopeless or guilty all the time • Feeling angry or irritable about little things. Physical Symptoms: • Loss of energy and feeling constantly tired • Feeling restless or slowing down • Having difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much • Changes in appetite and eating patterns. Thought Patterns: • Having negative or gloomy thoughts all the time • Thinking that you’re hopeless or worthless • Losing confidence in yourself • Finding it difficult to make decisions or to concentrate. Behaviours: • Not being bothered to do everyday tasks • Putting things off • Stopping doing things you enjoy • Isolating yourself.

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C3

Why Does Depression Happen? Many factors can be involved in depression. Some of these are: • Pessimistic personality: some people are more prone to having low self-esteem or a negative outlook on life. • Stress due to difficulties in life: for example, financial problems, the breakdown of a relationship, loss of work, too much work or impossible demands, exams. • Loss and change: for example, the loss of a loved one, moving house or school, divorce. • Physical illness: if we feel unwell or are in pain, we don't feel like doing things we enjoy, and may lose our zest for life.

The Vicious Cycle The worst scenario is that negative thoughts and feelings, if left unchecked, can become a vicious cycle. For instance, you're feeling down because your parents keep rowing and your mum has told you they're going to have a divorce. Consequently you don't do your English homework, although you know the deadline is tomorrow. You just watch TV all evening, because this helps you to forget how miserable you feel. The following day you get told off and detention from your English teacher. This in turn makes you feel bad about yourself – perhaps you really are lazy and irresponsible, and you're really stupid getting yourself detention. This makes you feel even more gloomy and depressed.

This is what a vicious cycle looks like: Feeling depressed

Negative thoughts reinforced: perhaps you are a worthless person

Don’t do anything

Get told off – feel bad about yourself

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Identifying Negative Thoughts

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Copy this sheet and cut into cards. A: Situations

You see your best friend in town. She seems to ignore you.

You arrive late at the cinema, where you're meeting your friends. They say you're hopeless and you're always letting them down.

You miss a goal during the football match.

You don't understand this particular unit in maths.

You're due to go out in half an hour, and you can't get your hair to do what you want it to!

You're expecting your boy/girlfriend to phone. They don't.

You miss out one question in an English exam.

Your mum is being really snappy lately. You can't seem to do anything right.

B: Negative Thoughts

‘She's deliberately ignoring me. She's not my friend any more.’

‘They're right. I'm hopeless. Who'd want to be my friend anyway?’

‘I'm so stupid! I let everyone down during that match. It's my fault they lost.’

‘I'm useless at maths! I don't understand anything! I'm going to fail. There's no point trying!’

‘I look awful! Everyone will laugh at me! There's no point in my going out, anyway.’

‘He/she doesn't care about me! He/she's probably out with someone else! It's all over!’

‘I made a real mess of that. That's it – I've failed! How stupid can you get?!’

‘I can't do anything right. I'm so stupid – not even my own mum thinks I'm any good.’

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C3

Information Sheet Identifying Negative Thoughts It's easy to get into a pattern of negative thinking without realising it. These thoughts make us feel unhappy, and sometimes affect our physical health and wellbeing, stopping us from taking part in activities we usually enjoy. Such thoughts can also lead to a downward spiral: feeling depressed means that we don't engage with people as we usually would; this could lead to us feeling more isolated, which ‘proves’ that we're not a very nice person to know – and so it goes on. The first step in overcoming this trend is to identify negative thoughts, to catch ourselves at it, so to speak, so that we can correct them, or seek help.

Some characteristics of negative or gloomy thoughts are: • They seem credible to us, but are in fact unreasonable and unrealistic. For instance, you get low marks in a maths test and think, ‘I'm hopeless at maths. I can never get anything right,’ when in fact you are usually quite good at maths, and this was just a blip. • They spring to our mind unsummoned or are ‘automatic’. This means that they aren't based on any logical reason or explanation. You may catch yourself thinking, ‘I'm stupid’ or ‘I'm hopeless’, whereas there is no reason for you to think that way. • Negative thoughts are definitely unhelpful and useless. They make us feel low and depressed and don't serve any purpose.

People who are feeling low or depressed tend to: • Exaggerate the negative and ignore the positive. For instance, you've just had a really good day with your friends, but can't stop worrying about the one friend who seemed to being quite cool towards you,and wonder what you have done to upset him/her. • Take things personally. For instance, in the above situation, there was probably a reason why your friend seemed to be behaving in an ‘off-hand’ manner. Perhaps he/she had fallen out with their parents, or wasn't feeling well, but you assume that their behaviour was your fault, and that they don't like you personally. • Over-generalise. Perhaps your mum criticises you for not tidying your room, and you may think: ‘It's true, I'm hopeless. I can't organise anything. My life is such a mess.’ In fact, you usually cope very well, you just haven't had the time to tidy your room lately, and it's not been on the top of your list of priorities! Once we have learnt to spot these negative thoughts, we are ready to develop strategies to overcome and to replace them with positive ones.

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Think Positive!

C3

The first step to changing negative thoughts and feelings into positive ones is to become aware of them. Once we have done this, we can develop strategies to help ourselves to think positively. Here are some suggestions.

1. The ABC technique Think of something that upset or depressed you recently. Try to identify: A: the event (what happened) B: your thoughts about it C: your feelings about it. For instance,you recently fell out with your best friend about something stupid,and as a result he/she went off with another group of friends for a while. A: The event – you fell out with your friend. B: Your thoughts: ‘He doesn't like me any more’, ‘I've lost him’, ‘I've done it now!’ C: Your feelings: sad, lonely and depressed. Usually people are only aware of stages A and C when something upsets them. Becoming aware of our negative thoughts helps us to realise how these affect the way we feel. By changing our thought processes, we can help ourselves to feel better, and to react in more positive ways.

2. Balancing A useful technique when we have negative or critical thoughts is to try to balance them with more positive ones. For instance, you may think: ‘I'm a really boring person!’ You could balance this by thinking: ‘Well, actually, my friends think I'm good fun most of the time, so I can't be that bad!’ This technique helps us to see things more realistically.

3. The Double Column Technique Sometimes it helps to write things down. If you're feeling down or depressed, it may help you to write down your negative thoughts on the left, and more balanced, positive thoughts on the right of a page, for example:

Negative Thoughts

More Positive, Balanced Thoughts

‘I'm so clumsy. Nobody ever picks me for a team’

‘Well, I might not be very good at sport, but I'm really good at art and drama. It's not the end of the world if I don't get picked for the team.’

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C3 4. Positive Self-talk It's a good idea to start off each day by looking in the mirror and reminding yourself of some of your positive qualities. This could be as basic as telling yourself how good your hair looks today, or reminding yourself of a piece of work you felt really pleased with, or a generous action you took recently. This is not the same as being conceited, but should help you to have a realistic idea of your good qualities, and to feel good about yourself. When you do this you are only doing what a good friend would naturally do for you, i.e. remind you of things about you which you should be proud of. Try to be a good friend to yourself!

5. Talking to Friends or Family One of the best things you can do if you're feeling low or depressed is to talk to friends and family.Tell them honestly how you're feeling, and the thoughts you are having. Because they care for you and know you well, they will help you to see things in perspective and to feel good about yourself. They may also have some useful suggestions about what you can do to help yourself feel better. By the time you have finished talking to them, you should be able to see your problems in a more reasonable light. Remember the saying, ‘A problem shared is a problem halved’; this is very often true. Pets can be good to talk to as well: they are always appreciative, and accept us for what we are.

6. Keeping a Diary Try to keep a diary, remembering to include any positive achievements and good things that happened to you each day, for example, ‘I gave my biology homework in on time’, ‘I gave my friend a birthday present, and she was really pleased, and said how kind I was’, ‘I helped my mum with the washing-up.’ It can help to write down your thoughts and feelings in the diary, and to try to check any negative ones by using the techniques suggested above.

7. Do you have any other strategies that work? If you do, write them down in the box below:

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‘I feel so alone. I've got no real friends.’

‘Nobody cares about me.’

‘It’ll be terrible in school tomorrow. I think I’ll stay at home.’

‘I thought that the others were being a bit funny today – she's probably told them to ignore me as well.’

‘She obviously wanted to snub me to hurt my feelings.’

‘She's deliberately ignoring ‘She must have seen me. me’ ‘She's not my friend She walked right past me.’ any more.’

You see your best friend in town. She seems to ignore you.

Negative ‘Evidence’

Negative Thoughts

Situation

‘She must be upset about something. I'll talk to her and ask if I can help her in any way.’

‘She wouldn't deliberately ignore me, she's not like that.’

‘She must be really preoccupied about something. She just didn't see me.’

‘I'll phone her up tonight and ask if she's okay.’

‘She was staring in front of her and looking quite worried – as though something was on her mind.’

Positive, More Balanced Positive Evidence Thoughts

Changing Negative to Positive (1)

C3

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Situation

Negative Thoughts

Negative ‘Evidence’

Positive, More Balanced Positive Evidence Thoughts

Changing Negative to Positive (2)

C3

C3

Who Can I Turn To?

When I’m feeling low or depressed, I can speak to…

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C Unit 4: Beating the Blues

Unit 4: Beating the Blues Overall Aim To give pupils positive strategies about specific actions they can take when they're feeling depressed.

Learning Outcomes At the end of this unit pupils will: • Be able to identify things they can do to raise their mood. • Know how to draw up an action plan – and act on it! • Know how to problem-solve when faced with a difficult situation. • Have practised using these techniques in a safe environment.

Activities Beating the Blues The pupils are asked to suppose that they are faced with a difficult and stressful situation, which could make them feel depressed or lower their mood (for example, exams, relationship problems or family break-up). In small groups, the pupils fill in the week's timetable on the Beating the Blues sheet to show how they would plan their time ahead in order to lift their mood. What activities, treats and experiences would they fit in to make sure that they remained positive? Each group presents their plan to the whole group, and ideas are shared.

The Role of Friends Brainstorm: How would you want friends and family to behave if you were feeling low or depressed? What kind of behaviours would help? For example, balancing statements; praise and affirmation; taking you ‘out of yourself ’. Point out the importance of family and friends when we're feeling ‘down’, and how important it is to look out for one another.

Problem-solving The facilitator explains that people can sometimes get depressed if they have a lot of complicated and difficult things to do. This results in them feeling overwhelmed and paralysed, which then makes them feel worse because they don't get anything done, which in turn increases their feelings of lack of worth (vicious circle). The problem-solving model is explained, i.e. that it can help to make things feel better if you break a problem up into smaller steps and then tackle it one step at a time. Pupils work in small groups. Each group is given a copy of the empty problem-solving model and one of the problem cards from the sheet Problems, Problems! The group works together to brainstorm solutions, to decide which one would be best, and to work out the necessary steps to overcome the problem. Each small group presents their scenario and solution to the whole group.

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Unit 4: Beating the Blues

C

Problems, Problems! Pupils are now given a complete set of the Problems, Problems! cards and work in twos or threes to help one another to come up with solutions to the problems. Pupils can also use imaginary or real problems of their own. The aim here is to put into practice all the methods introduced over the last couple of weeks, including positive self-talk, balancing, drawing up an action plan, problem-solving and identifying sources of help and support. Explain again to pupils where they can go for help and support if they are feeling depressed (for example, CAMHS, School Counsellor, School nurse, GP). Stress that the first step may be to talk to someone they know and trust: a close friend or a member of their family.

Materials • Activity sheet Beating the Blues. • Activity sheet Problem-solving. • Problems, Problems! Cards: copied onto card and cut up into sets.

Sensitive Issues Facilitators will need to be aware of how individual pupils react to the activities and suggestions in this unit. Pupils would cause particular concern if they were indicating that none of these strategies would work, and that they have got no one to help and support them.

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C4

Beating the Blues You're feeling a bit depressed. Plan some activities for the coming week which could help you to lift your mood.Try to include some physical exercise, some activities which you enjoy, and some things which involve you getting together with other people. Do you think that it would help to do this sort of positive forward planning – or ask someone to help you do this?

Day of the Week

Morning

Afternoon

Evening

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

Sunday

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Problem-solving

C4

Sometimes, when a problem seems just too big for us, or when it's getting on top of us, it can help to write down the problem and possible solutions, and then to tackle the problem step by step. Here is a possible method for solving knotty problems. 1. What's the problem? (Write it down!) ...................................................................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................................

2. Think of how the problem might be solved and list the possible solutions. It may help to think of how you've solved similar problems in the past, or how your friends might advise you.

3. Now decide which of the above solutions is the best idea, and write it down: ...................................................................................................................................................... ......................................................................................................................................................

4. List the steps you need to take to tackle the problem: Step 1 Step 2 Step 3 Step 4 Step 5

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C4

Problems, Problems! Copy this sheet and cut out.

I've got far too much homework, and half of it's supposed to be in by tomorrow. Help! I can't cope! I'm so stupid!

I hate secondary school. Nobody likes me, and they all talk about me behind my back. I hate myself.

I hate it at home! Mum and Dad shout at each other all the time! They don't care about me and my brother at all. I feel so depressed.

I'm hopeless at everything in school. I came bottom in maths again yesterday, and everyone laughed at me. I'm so stupid!

None of the boys/girls ever even look at me! I wish I was trendy and good-looking like the others in my class. No one could ever fancy me!

All I do in life is work. Mum can't cope so I end up doing all the housework and looking after my little sister as well. I fell asleep in school yesterday, and I can't think straight.

Since my mum left I don't feel like doing anything. I've just lost interest in everything. My friends have stopped coming round now, as well. I must be such a boring person.

Since our dog died I feel so sad. I cry for no reason at all, and have problems sleeping – then I feel tired all the time. What's wrong with me?

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Unit 5: But What If...? Coping With Anxiety

C

Unit 5: But What If...? Coping With Anxiety Overall Aim To help young people to understand the nature of anxiety, to develop skills to cope with it, and to know where to turn to for support. Note: It may be advisable to invite an outside facilitator to help deliver this unit, perhaps someone from CAMHS, a school counsellor, or an educational psychologist.

Learning Outcomes By the end of this unit pupils will: • Understand the nature of anxiety and identify when it happens to them personally. • Understand how anxiety affects our thoughts, feelings and actions. • Develop strategies for dealing positively with anxiety. • Know who they can turn to when anxious about something.

Activities Introduction The facilitator explains that we are talking here about worries rather than stress, which we will deal with in the next unit. It needs to be emphasised that anxiety is normal, and something that we all feel from time to time. We may get anxious, for instance, if we have to walk into a room full of people we don't know, or if asked to speak in public. We may feel very nervous before an exam or a test. In such situations, we often get ‘butterflies in the stomach’ and our heart starts beating faster: we feel different. Anxiety can also affect the way we think, for example you may have thoughts such as ‘I'm going to faint’ or ‘I'm going to die’. The natural response to anxiety is to remove ourselves from the situation (for example, not accepting offers to speak in public, avoiding walking into new places on our own). We modify our behaviour. This can help, but often it's better to try to overcome and cope with our anxieties, rather than avoiding them. One way that we can do this is to become aware of negative thoughts and feelings, and to try to modify them so that we are thinking more balanced, positive thoughts. Anxiety becomes a problem if it affects our emotional health and wellbeing and stops us from functioning properly. Where strong anxieties or phobias take over people’s lives, leading to feelings that they can’t cope and stopping them from getting on with their lives, then they need specialist help. It will be important to reinforce ground rules at the beginning of this session, so that pupils feel comfortable in expressing their anxieties if they wish to, and so that everyone is genuinely listened to and their feelings respected. It may also be a good idea to have a Worry Box somewhere in the room during this session, in case young people have worries that they don’t want to talk about in public, but which they’d like to tell someone about.

Brainstorm Pupils share thoughts about the characteristics of anxiety and under what circumstances it happens. When talking about when anxiety occurs, it may be better for pupils to write these down on Post-its and stick them on a piece of flip-chart or a white-board at the front of the classroom, from which they

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C Unit 5: But What If...? Coping With Anxiety are then read out. In this way individuals are not required to voice individual causes of anxiety in front of the whole group, and confidentiality is preserved.

The Effects of Anxiety Pupils look at the sheet Help! I Can’t Cope! (1), which contains an example of a situation which may make a young person feel anxious, and the thoughts and feelings they might have in that situation. Working in small groups, they discuss: •

What are the characteristics of the thoughts and feelings the young person is having?

•

How are these likely to affect this person’s behaviour?

Ideas are fed back from the groups to the main group. Working in pairs or small groups, the pupils now work with the empty grid Help! I Can’t Cope! (2). Pupils share other situations which make them feel anxious, and try to identify the thoughts and feelings they have in these situations. Groups can feed back to the main group, if they feel comfortable in doing so. The facilitator feeds in additional information if necessary, using the information sheet The Effects of Anxiety. It may also be appropriate to have some input here from an outside facilitator, perhaps an education psychologist or school counsellor. It can be useful to stress that anxieties, though very real and disturbing, are often irrational, exaggerated and don’t reflect reality. They can also get people into a downward spiral, which they find it increasingly difficult to get out of.

Worry Trees The young people are divided into four groups, each with a piece of flip-chart, flip-chart pens and leafshaped Post-its (available from Staples). They are informed that we are going to look at young people’s worries in four areas, with each group considering one of these: 1. Home and where we live 2. Out and about in the community 3. School and clubs 4. On the Internet and mobile phones. Each group draws a large tree on their flip-chart. In the branches they write what they think young people’s worries are in that context. They then consider possible solutions to these worries. These are written on the leaf-shaped Post-its, and attached to the branches next to the worries. Each group presents their Worry Tree and solutions to the main group.

Top Tips for Coping with Anxiety Pupils are asked to imagine that they have a friend who is worried and they want to help them. What strategies would they employ to help their friend? These are written up on flip-chart as Top Tips, and can be supplemented by the information sheet Top Tips for Coping with Anxiety. It is stressed that we can be our own ‘critical friend’, and help ourselves to stop becoming anxious by positive self-talk, but it’s often best to talk through our anxieties with someone we trust who is sympathetic. Each pupil should now take the time to reflect and to note down their own Top Tips for coping with anxiety in the space provided on the activity sheet. Everyone’s preferred solutions will be different!

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Unit 5: But What If...? Coping With Anxiety

C

Practice: Anxiety Cards Pupils work in smaller groups of five to six. Each pupil is given an empty card, on which they write an anxiety and place it in a box or hat in the middle. Some prepared cards are available, which pupils can add into the hat or box if they wish. Pupils now take it in turn to draw out an anxiety and the rest of the group make suggestions as to how a young person could be helped to cope with it. Any additional strategies which emerge can be added to the Top Tips sheet.

Developing a Network of Support Each young person is encouraged to fill in the sheet My Network of Support, identifying a number of people they could talk to if they were feeling worried. These can include friends, family and pets, but also professionals such as teachers and counsellors and helplines. Stress the importance of regularly reviewing these networks as circumstances change. Useful Helpline numbers are given (NSPCC, ChildLine, Young Minds), as well as details of the availability of any support staff in school. NSPCC Helpline: 0808 800 5000 ChildLine: 0800 1111 Young Minds:a national charity committed to improving the mental health of all children and young people. Their website address is www.youngminds.org.uk

Materials • Post-its. • Help! I Can't Cope! sample situation (1) and empty grid to fill in (2). • Information sheet The Effects of Anxiety. • Leaf-shaped Post-its and flip-chart paper and pens for Worry Trees. • Top Tips for Coping with Anxiety information and activity sheet. • Anxiety Cards: copied onto card and cut into sets (one for each group of five to six pupils). • My Network of Support activity sheet to fill in with useful contacts and sources of help and support.

Sensitive Issues Facilitators need to be aware of any pupils who indicate that their wellbeing is being undermined due to excessive anxiety.

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C5

Help! I Can’t Cope! (1) Look at the situation outlined below. How would you characterise the kind of thoughts and feelings the young person is having? What effects do you think these thoughts and feelings will have on the young person's future behaviour?

Situation

Automatic Thoughts

Supporting ‘Evidence’

a. Before the event b. During the event c. After the event Walking into a gig on my own when most people have already been there for a while.

a.

a.

1. ‘I don't want to go.’ 2. ‘I can't cope with it.’

2. My heart was beating really fast and I was having difficulty breathing.

b.

b.

1. ‘I need to get out of here fast!’

(2) and (3): I saw two people laughing, and they were looking in my direction.

2. ‘Everyone is looking at me!’ 3. ‘They're laughing at me!’

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c.

c.

1. ‘That was horrible.’

1. ‘That was horrible.’

2. ‘I'm not doing that again!’

2. ‘I'm not doing that again!’

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Help! I Can’t Cope! (2)

C5

Members of each group are asked if they would like to share situations they have experienced which make them feel anxious. What kind of thoughts and feelings do they have in these situations? What effects do these thoughts and feelings have on subsequent behaviour? Situation

Automatic Thoughts

Supporting ‘Evidence’

a. Before the event b. During the event c. After the event

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C5

The Effects of Anxiety We all have situations or things that make us feel anxious, for instance, tests or exams, meeting new people or attending an interview. When we're worried or anxious we experience certain feelings or physical symptoms. We may get butterflies in our tummy, or feel our stomach churning. We may sweat more, have a headache, or feel our heart thumping. Certain thought patterns are also connected to anxiety: mostly negative ones. These are typically about not coping with a situation, and we may think to ourselves: ‘What can I do?’ or ‘What if...?’ Normally these thoughts and feelings pass with the situation. For instance, we sit a test or exam and cope okay, or else realise that we need to do more revision next time! Life returns to ‘normal’. Sometimes, however, negative thought patterns and feelings take over, and this can lead to us feeling anxious and uncomfortable a lot of the time, and avoiding certain situations. When anxieties take over like this we need to do something about it, or to seek help. An extreme example of this would be someone who is agoraphobic and therefore can't face leaving the house, or someone who was so afraid of a car accident that they would never get into a car. The first step to overcoming the negative thought patterns which make us anxious is to recognise the characteristics of these thoughts and then to ‘catch ourselves’ thinking them, so that we can correct them.

Some characteristics of negative thoughts or anxieties are that they: • are ‘automatic’ or spring to the mind unsummoned • are easy to believe but are often untrue • are often irrational and are not backed up by rational reasons or evidence • tend to over-generalise and over-exaggerate • are unhelpful and useless. If unchecked, negative thoughts or anxieties can have debilitating effects on our lives.They may: • make us feel unhappy • make us feel physically uncomfortable • lead us to feel that we can't cope and that things are out of our control • stop us doing things we like doing. In the worst scenario, this becomes a vicious circle. For instance, you are anxious about meeting new people. As a result you tend to stay at home, and gradually your friends tend not to ask you out as much, making you anxious that they have abandoned you. In the end you become a bit of a recluse, feeling anxious, lonely and self-pitying and never get the very opportunities which may help you to overcome your anxiety. In order to avoid such scenarios, it is a good thing to develop positive coping strategies, and to know where to turn to for help and support.

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Top Tips for Coping with Anxiety

C5

One of the first things which can help us to cope with anxiety is to realise that everyone gets anxious about something, although people do get anxious about different things. It's not because you're abnormal or weak that you're feeling anxious, and there's always someone you can talk to if you're worried about something. You never know, they may have experienced the same thing themselves and be in a good position to give you help and advice. There are some useful things we can do ourselves to prevent ourselves from being dragged down by negative thoughts. Some coping strategies are listed below. Try to add some extra ones of your own in the box on the next page. • Develop positive self-talk. Remind yourself of your positive traits and the things you are good at. This isn’t being conceited – just realistic (often the kind of things friends or family will tell us about ourselves!) • ‘Catch yourself’ thinking negative thoughts, and try to balance them with more positive ones. For instance, you’re having problems with a maths problem: instead of thinking, ‘I’ll never do this! I’m no good at maths! I give up!’ you may think, ‘This problem is quite hard – but I’m not the only person finding it difficult. I’ll crack it in time, and I can always ask the teacher or one of my friends if I get stuck.’ • Remember that negative thoughts, although easily believed, are often untrue. So, for instance, if you have the thought, ‘I haven’t got any friends!’ ask yourself, ‘Is this really true? Am I making things out to be worse than they really are?’ • Negative thoughts also tend to be irrational and not based on evidence. For instance, you walk into a room and feel that everyone’s talking about you. Ask yourself, ‘What evidence do I have for this? Is this really likely to be true?’ • If you feel anxious in a situation, practise saying to yourself, ‘I can cope!’ and, ‘I’m in control!’ over and over again. Remind yourself of times when you coped well with a similar experience or when things went well for you. • Accept your faults! Nobody is perfect all the time, and we all have off days. Remind yourself of the things that you did achieve. • If you feel you can’t cope, remember to problem-solve: define the problem, think of possible solutions, then pick one and follow it step-by-step. • Take things one step at a time, and don’t expect miracles. • Remember to talk to someone you know and trust if you feel worried or anxious about something. They may be able to see a solution to your worries because they are outside the problem and can be objective.

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C5

Top Tips for Coping with Anxiety (cont) Add your own Top Tips for coping with anxiety here: 1. ............................................................................................................................ 2. ............................................................................................................................ 3. ............................................................................................................................ 4. ............................................................................................................................ 5. ............................................................................................................................ 6. ............................................................................................................................ 7. ............................................................................................................................ 8. ............................................................................................................................

Some good questions to ask yourself when you’re feeling anxious are: 1.

Is this really true?

2.

Am I being realistic?

3.

What evidence do I have?

4.

Am I making things worse than they really are?

5.

Does it matter if things don’t turn out exactly right?

6.

Are these thoughts helpful to me, and do they help me to succeed?

7.

Am I assuming that bad things are going to happen?

Good luck and happy practising!

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C5

Anxiety Cards Copy this sheet onto card and cut out. I’m never going to pass

I’ll never get a job when I

my exams!

leave school!

Nobody fancies me! My friends

I can’t cope with French. It’s

are all loads more trendy than

doing my head in!

I am. I daren’t go and see my teacher

I’ll never finish this homework

about my homework. She’ll snap

on time!

my head off! I’ll never be popular. All my

I’m really worried about my

friends must think I’m so boring.

mum. She just sits around and cries.

I’m scared about what my

My music teacher just freaks me

brother might do when he

out. He’s always shouting

comes home drunk.

at me.

I just know they’re all going to

I’m worried about getting

leave me out of their gang, and

pressurised into taking drugs.

I’ll be all alone. I’m scared that someone may

I’m sure that people make

spike my drink if I go out.

comments about my clothes all the time.

I’m scared of getting fat, and that no one will like me.

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C5

My Network of Support

When I’m feeling anxious about something, I can speak to…

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Unit 6: ‘It’s Doing My Head In!’ Coping With Stress

C

Unit 6: ‘It’s Doing My Head In!’ Coping With Stress Overall Aim To help pupils to understand what stress is and how it can affect us, and to give them some strategies to cope with stress.

Learning Outcomes At the end of this unit, pupils will: • Be able to define what stress is and describe what causes it. • Be able to describe the physical effects of stress and how it makes people feel. • Have gained some positive strategies of things to do if they feel stressed. • Know who they can talk to if feeling stressed.

Activities Stress – Quick Quiz The quiz can either be done in groups with a small ‘prize’ for the winning team, or as a TV quiz game with competing teams who are allowed to confer, or to consult the audience if they are stuck. It is designed to help young people to understand what stress is. When the quiz has been completed, pupils can either be given the information sheets The Nature of Stress, or information could be given from a visiting speaker, perhaps the school nurse or a local GP. The aim here is for young people to understand a bit more about physical responses to stress, and the effects that it can have both short-term and long-term on our bodies.

Causes of Stress Pupils are given a set of cards with possible causes of stress on them, including some blank cards for writing extra causes on if they want. Pupils are asked to work in groups and to categorise these possible causes according to whether they see them as highly likely to cause stress, fairly likely, or unlikely (high risk, medium risk or low risk). They can stick the cards onto flip-chart paper in order of importance. We need to recognise that different people will find different things or situations stressful. Groups feed back to the main group, and the most likely causes are listed on flip-chart. The facilitator can feed in some information here about the Holmes and Rahe Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS) (see information sheet Life Events and Stress). Pupils can use the Scale to calculate their Life Change Units in the last year. They shouldn't exceed 300! This Scale is obviously intended for adults. How useful is it as a measure for young people? In what ways would a Scale designed for young people look different?

Coping with Stress Groups are given case scenarios to consider and decide whether they think these young people are dealing with their stress in positive ways or not. Factors to take into account may be: • whether the methods are harmful to ourselves (e.g. excessive alcohol) or others (taking things out on other people) • whether or not we are really facing the problem or just avoiding it.

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C Unit 6: ‘It’s Doing My Head In!’ Coping With Stress This activity should lead naturally into the next one.

What Can We Do to Help Us Cope with Stress? Dot Voting The facilitator gives each group the sheet Strategies for Coping with Stress (on A3 paper if possible) and coloured pens. Each pupil in the group looks at the suggested list of strategies and puts an asterisk against the three strategies they find most helpful. Alternately each pupil can be given three coloured dots, which they stick against their favourite strategies. The group also discusses if there are any other strategies they wish to add onto the bottom of the grid. The groups report back on the most popular ways of coping with stress from their group.

Who Can I Turn To? The pupils share ideas as to who they can turn to if they feel stressed about different problems. Individual pupils should be given the time to reflect and fill in the sheet for themselves.

Follow-up Activity The pupils could design an information leaflet or poster for their peers explaining what stress is, what young people can do to reduce it and who they can turn to for help.

Materials • Stress – Quick Quiz. • Information sheets The Nature of Stress. • Causes of Stress: copied onto card and cut up into sets (one for each group of five to six pupils) and some blank cards for extra suggestions. • Flip-chart paper and pens. • Information sheet Life Events and Stress. • Coping with Stress case scenarios. • Strategies for Coping with Stress activity sheet: one copy per group of five to six pupils, copied onto A3 paper if possible. • Felt pens or coloured dots. • Who Can I Turn To? activity sheet.

Sensitive Issues Facilitators should try to be aware of any issues which are causing stress to pupils at that particular time, either individually (e.g. because of family circumstances) or more generally (e.g. exams).

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Stress – Quick Quiz

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How much do you know about stress? Tick the answer you think is correct for each question. 1. Stress can be described as: a. Physical and psychological strain, usually lasting over a period of time. b. Part of the central nervous system. c. An infectious illness, which affects people in different ways.

2. Stress: a. Is always harmful. b. Is good for us, because it keeps us going. c. Can give us a boost short-term, but long-term is harmful to our health.

3. When we receive a sudden shock or stress, the following substances are released into our body by the brain (x2): a. Cortisol. b. Adrenaline. c. Glucose. d. Electricity.

4. The innate response that is triggered off by sudden stress is called: a. Stand and Fight. b. Hunter's Syndrome. c. Fight or Flight.

5. Some of the things that happen to our bodies when we receive a sudden shock or stress are (x3): a. Increased heart and breathing rates. b. Increased appetite. c. Increased production of saliva. d. Eye-pupils dilate (become larger). e. Bladder muscles relax.

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6. If stress is prolonged: a. The body returns to normal. b. The immune system is repressed. c. We eventually feel better than we did before.

7. Some common symptoms of stress are (x 3): a. Headaches. b. Feeling on top of the world. c. Feeling irritable and frustrated. d. Having difficulty sleeping. e. Laughing all the time. f. Increased appetite.

8. Some stress-related health problems are (x 3): a. Alcohol problems. b. Earache. c. Brittle bones. d. Depression. e. Digestive problems.

9. Some common causes of stress are (x 5): a. The wrong diet. b. Too much work. c. Rows at home or with friends. d. Temperature. e. Money problems. f. Bullying or abuse. g. Loneliness. h. The colour scheme in your bedroom.

When you’re ready, check your answers with your teacher. How much do you know about stress?

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The Nature of Stress

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What is stress? Stress is an innate, defensive, adaptive reaction that promotes survival. To explain stress we need to think about what life must have been like for our ancestor, the caveman. When faced with a large wild animal such as a grisly bear, he had but two choices: stay and fight, or run away. To cope with such situations, the body developed a mechanism which is called ‘fight or flight’. When danger is imminent, adrenaline is released by the brain into the bloodstream. This incurs several physical effects: heart and breathing rates are increased, the digestive system is closed down (to conserve energy), the pupils of the eyes dilate to take in more light, and glucose is released to provide more energy. All these changes get the body ready for a rush of energy so that we can run fast to escape, or react quickly to avert danger. Once the danger is over, bodily functions return to normal and we may suddenly feel very tired or hungry. The fight or flight response can be quite useful in the short term, providing us with short bursts of energy to face challenges or to overcome danger (for example, performing in an exam or putting out a fire.) Another definition of stress, however, suggests that stress, when experienced over some time, is not so positive. Statt (1981) describes it as: ‘Physical and psychological strain, usually lasting for a period of time, which threatens the ability of a person (or animal) to go on coping with a given situation.’ Initially, when a person is subjected to stress, the body aims to repair itself and return to normal. If the stress does not diminish, however, the body’s resources are diminished and become exhausted. The person becomes depressed, irritable and unable to concentrate, and the immune system collapses, leaving the body open to stress-related diseases such as stomach ulcers and heart disease. It is therefore important to protect ourselves from long-term stress, for instance, through relaxation, physical exercise and talking to people about how we feel.

How does stress make us feel? How do we know if we are stressed or not? It is important to emphasise that people react differently to stress, but the following are some common symptoms:

Physical: • headaches • aches and pains in neck, shoulders and back • face looking pale • tense body • digestive problems – upset stomach, diarrhoea • increased heartbeat • increased rate of breathing • increased sweating • tiredness

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• light-headed and dizzy.

Feelings: • anxious • nervous • worried • irritable • angry • frustrated • panic • overwhelmed • out of control.

Behaviour: • difficulties in concentrating • forgetfulness • accident-prone • short-tempered • tearful • sleeping difficulties • restlessness and fidgeting.

Stress-related health problems If we are facing stress on a regular basis and we are unable to cope with it effectively, this may lead to the impairment of our physical, psychological and emotional health and wellbeing. Some problems which may develop if the stress isn't resolved or dealt with properly are: • depression • relationship problems • alcohol and drug-related problems • digestive problems • eating disorders • self-harming • heart disease

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• suicide.

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Common causes of stress As stated above, we all react differently to stress, and an issue which causes considerable stress and anxiety to one individual may not worry another person at all. For some people the prospect of speaking in public is no big deal, whereas other people would rather run a mile than be faced with such an ordeal. Some causes of stress are suggested below: • illness • loneliness • unemployment • money problems • pressure of work (too much or can't cope) • death of a relative, or friend or pet • interviews • tests or exams • trouble with the police • being bullied • relationship difficulties with girlfriends/boyfriends • family break-up • rows with friends or family • moving house or school • abuse • starting a job • too many demands on time and energy. If you are feeling stressed, don't keep it to yourself. Try to talk to someone about it and get help. There are also coping mechanisms that you can develop yourself, and this is what we'll be looking at next. Try to think how you would cope with stress: • What things make you feel better in yourself and help you to see things in perspective? • Who would you talk to?

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Causes of Stress Copy this sheet onto card and cut out.

Tests or exams

New school or college

Starting a new school or job

Money problems

Illness or accident

Moving house

Rows with friends

Death of someone close

Rows at home

Parents splitting up

Being bullied

An interview

Losing a girlfriend/boyfriend

Problems with schoolwork

Change in the family e.g. parent has new partner

Worries about appearance

Unemployment

Worries about the future

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Life Events and Stress Two American doctors, Holmes and Rahe, noticed that patients who had experienced several life events over a few months were more likely to suffer mental health problems and illness. These life events were typically ones that involved change from a steady state, such as getting divorced or moving house. Even positive events, such as getting married or going on holiday, seemed to be associated with stress. To demonstrate this link, Holmes and Rahe set up a scale called the Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS). This contains 43 Life Changes which seem to precede illness. These are measured in terms of Life Change Units (LCUs), according to the degree of stress or adaptation that they require. It is calculated that individuals who have experienced events totalling more than 300 LCUs in the last year are more at risk for a wide range of physical and mental illnesses, although some individuals are more resilient to stress than others. If appropriate, calculate your own LCU rating, using the scale below. This scale was obviously developed for adults. How do you think a scale for young people would differ? Life Items Death of partner

LCUs 100

Divorce Separation from partner Jail term Death of close family member Personal injury or illness Marriage Lose job

73 65 63 63 53 50 47

Marital reconciliation Retirement Change in health of family member Pregnancy Sex difficulties Gain of new family member Business readjustment

45 45 44

Change in financial state Death of close friend Career change Change in number of arguments with spouse Taking out a mortgage or loan for a major purchase Foreclosure of mortgage/loan

38 37 36 35

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40 39 39 39

Life Events Change in responsibilities at work Son or daughter leaving home Trouble with in-laws Begin or end school Change in living conditions Revision of personal habits Trouble with boss Change in work hours or conditions Move house Change in schools Change in recreation

LCUs 29 29 29 26 26 24 23 22 19 22 19

19 Change in church activities 18 Change in social activities 16 Change in sleeping habits Change in number of family get- 15 togethers 15 Change in eating habits Holiday 13 Christmas 12 11 Minor violations of the law

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Coping with Stress In a small group consider the case-studies below, and discuss the following questions: • How are the young people coping with the stress they are experiencing? • Are the coping mechanisms they are using helpful to themselves and others, or not? • If not, what would you suggest they did instead?

Sharmin is being bullied in school. Life is unbearable for her, but she's scared of telling anyone, in case the bullying gets worse. She reacts by going completely into herself and avoiding being with other pupils at all.

Josh's mum died last year. He still misses her a lot, and finds life at home hard as he has to help a lot with his brother and sister. He keeps a photo of his mum in his bedroom, and enjoys remembering all the good times they had together.

Darren has moved to a new school. He's not sure that he likes the new area, and he's missing his old mates a lot. He decides to join as many clubs and societies as he can to get to know more new people and to keep himself busy. He also puts together a photo album with pictures of his old mates, which he keeps by his bed as a reminder.

Lauren is feeling totally stressed out by the amount of homework she's expected to do. She feels she can't cope. She decides the situation is impossible, so she might as well go out and have a good time with her friends and have a few drinks to drown her sorrows. She's now regularly getting detention for missing deadlines.

Carla was getting teased about being podgy, and felt miserable and under pressure to change because her body was ‘the wrong shape’. She decided to diet to lose weight, but now she can't stop. It's the one thing in life she feels she has control over.

All the teachers keep going on about how important these exams are. However, Yaseem is determined to keep things in perspective. He draws up a revision plan including so much work every day, but also games of football and time to watch his favourite TV programmes.

Martin's dad left last year, and now his mum has a new partner, who has just moved in. Martin still misses his dad, and is resentful of the new partner. Home life is very stressful. He decides to talk to the school counsellor and to his mum about his feelings.

Mari's mum and dad are rowing all the time at home. Mari feels miserable and is worried they're going to split up. She can't bring herself to talk to anyone about this, but has become very snappy and irritable with her friends, who have stopped bothering with her. She feels very lonely and angry.

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Strategies for Coping with Stress

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Copy this sheet onto paper (A3 if possible). Each pupil in the group puts an asterisk or coloured dot against the three strategies they find most helpful.

Strategy

Put an asterisk (or coloured dot) here if you think this is a good strategy

Talk things through with a friend. Talk to a family member. Do something active e.g. a sport. Listen to music. Write down or draw how you feel. Plan in activities you enjoy every day. Get organised e.g. draw up a ‘to do’ list and work through them one by one. Positive self-talk e.g. tell yourself, ‘I can cope’. If there's too much going on in life, learn to say, ‘No’. Speak to a counsellor. Learn some relaxation techniques. Try to see things in perspective e.g. what will all this matter five years from now? Make yourself a Worry Box. Put your worries in there and put aside time to deal with them later. Eat healthily. Plan little treats into your day.

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Who Can I Turn To?

When I’m feeling stressed, I can speak to…

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Unit 7: All Change! Coping With Change and Loss

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Unit 7: All Change! Coping With Change and Loss Overall Aim To help young people to think about the effect of change and loss in their lives, and how they can cope with it.

Learning Outcomes At the end of this unit pupils will: • Be able to identify periods of change and loss in their lives. • Understand the feelings which occur at times of change and loss. • Develop strategies to help them cope with change and loss. • Identify who they can turn to at times of change, loss and uncertainty. Note: Before embarking on this unit, it will be important for facilitators to be aware of any issues in pupils' lives which may be sensitive or upsetting, for example, recent family breakdown, divorce or bereavement. If there are any such issues, then pupils concerned may need to be asked individually whether they want to be in the session. On the other hand, this unit may be beneficial to pupils who have recently suffered loss or separation. The facilitator will need to respect the needs and wishes of the individual young people concerned, and check out with them beforehand.

Activities Coping with Change and Loss – Cards for Ranking Activity The pupils work in small groups. Each group is given a set of cards showing circumstances in which young people may have to cope with change and loss. The groups look at these and put them in ranking order, according to how stressful they think these situations are, and why. Are there any other situations which they would add? If so, they write these on the blank cards. The situations are: • moving house • moving school • parents splitting up • a parent remarrying • redecorating at home • having new step-brothers and sisters • best friend moves away • dad loses job • a pet dies • a relative dies. The groups feed back to the main group.

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C Unit 7: All Change! Coping With Change and Loss

Looking at Feelings and Causes of Feelings The groups now take one of the above situations each and, using the sheet How We Feel About Change and Loss, they identify the feelings which that situation gives rise to, and why they think these feelings happen. The groups then present their findings to the whole group. For example, if a young person were to move house they may feel sad at losing their old friends, and worry in case they weren't able to keep in touch with them. They may have worried about what their new school would be like, whether people would be kind, and whether they would be able to make new friends. Explain that some of the difficulties about coping with changes in our lives are that we often have to face the unknown, which causes uncertainty and loss of confidence. We may feel alone if we have to face new situations without people we were fond of. Things may also be made harder if we don't have familiar circumstances, for example, we don't know the way to school, we have to start from scratch rearranging our bedroom as we want it, we now have to share space with ‘new’ siblings.

Coping with Change and Loss: Case-studies The class is divided into six groups and each is given a case-study and a feedback sheet. The casestudies cover the following situations: • Moving from primary to secondary school. • Your mum has a new partner; he moves in with his six-year-old twins. • Your dad gets a new job and you have to move house quite suddenly; you will be a long way away from your friends and family. • Your mum and dad have been arguing a lot lately. This morning your mum told you that they're getting a divorce. • Your dad was made redundant six months ago and he has been unable to find another job. Things are quite tight money-wise at home. • Your dog, who was 14 and has been with you for as long as you can remember, died yesterday. The groups are asked to consider: • What thoughts and feelings do you think this young person will be having? • What do you think that this young person could do to help them to cope? • Who do you think they could turn to for help and support? Each group then feeds back their case-study to the main group, along with their suggestions as to how the young person concerned could cope. (These are written up on flip-chart.) The pupils ideas can be supplemented by the information sheets Coping with Change and Loss (1) and (2), and The Grieving Process. It’s important to point out that the stages of the grieving process can happen in other circumstances of loss and separation, for example, moving house, moving on from school to college, changing friendship groups.

Brainstorm: Positive Things About Change As a whole group, the class shares ideas about how change can be positive, in terms of how things turn out in the end (often not as bad as we feared), and how they can help people to develop and grow.

Sources of Help and Support The facilitator can finish off the session by reminding pupils of sources of help and support available to them. Some of these will be personal and professional contacts within the school, family and wider

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Unit 7: All Change! Coping With Change and Loss

A

community, for example, friends, brothers and sisters and parents, form tutor, Head of Year, school counsellor, youth or church leader. As far as external organisations are concerned, it may be particularly beneficial to mention CRUSE, a national organisation which aims to support people through the bereavement process. They have a young people’s free helpline: 0808 808 1677. Their website (www. crusebereavmentcare.org.uk) contains a section on helping children and also information for schools. CRUSE also has a special website, RD4U, for young people by young people. The address is www.rd4u.org.uk.

Materials • Coping with Change and Loss cards: copied onto card and cut into sets for groups of five to six pupils. • How we Feel about Change and Loss activity sheet. • Coping with Change and Loss: Case-studies (copied onto card and cut up) and Feedback on Case-studies sheet. • Information sheets Coping with Change and Loss (1) and (2) and The Grieving Process.

Sensitive Issues See note at the beginning of the facilitator's notes. It will be very important for the facilitator to know of any bereavements or losses amongst pupils, and to give those pupils the choice as to whether they wish to remain in the class during this unit. However, if an incident has happened in school such as a pupil dying, it may be beneficial for pupils to work through at least some of these activities.

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Coping with Change and Loss Copy this sheet onto card and cut out. The groups put these circumstances in ranking order, according to how stressful they think these situations are. Blank cards are included for other stressful situations.

Moving house

Dad loses his job

Moving schools

A pet dies

Parents splitting up

A relative dies

A parent remarrying

Redecorating at home

New step-brothers and sisters

Best friend moves away

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How we Feel about Change and Loss

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Work in a small group. Choose one of the situations where a young person would have to cope with change or loss, and in the boxes on the right-hand side of the sheet: 1. Note down which situation you are considering. 2. Note down how the young person involved in this situation might be feeling. 3. Identify why he or she may be feeling this way. What are the underlying causes or reasons?

The Situation

Feelings which may be experienced by the young person

Underlying causes of these feelings

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Coping with Change and Loss: Case-studies

You're finding the move from primary to secondary school quite hard. Your best friend has fallen in with a group of pupils you don't really get on with, so that you're on your own a lot of the time. It's all so much more formal than primary school, and the teachers never have time to talk to you.

Your mum and dad have been arguing a lot recently, or else they just freeze one another out for days at a time. This morning your mum looked very tearful. She tells you that they're going to have a divorce.

Your dad left last year. Your mum has had a new partner for a bit now, and yesterday he moved into your house with his sixyear-old twins.

Your dad was made redundant six months ago, and has been unable to find a new job. It's quite hard him being at home all the time because he's moody and depressed. Also, money is quite tight and you're no longer able to buy all the latest gear.

Your dad has got a new job. This means moving house very suddenly to an area where you've got no family or friends.

Your dog died yesterday. He was 14, and has been a part of the family for as long as you can remember; you grew up together.

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Coping with Change and Loss:

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Feedback on Case-studies Work in a small group. Choose one of the case-studies dealing with change and loss. Discuss the following points in your group: 1. What are the young person's thoughts and feelings likely to be? 2. What could the young person do to help them to cope? What coping strategies could they try to develop? 3. Who could they turn to for help and support? Choose a spokesperson, and feed your comments back to the whole group. The situation:

Likely thoughts and feelings:

Things that the young person could do to help them to cope: ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. People they could turn to for help and support: ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. ................................................................................................................................. .................................................................................................................................

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Coping with Change and Loss (1) When change happens Change happens all through life, and people have to adapt to changes all the time. We are all getting gradually older and changing, and over a period of time we may notice changes in ourselves as we get older – some of them things we may not feel so good about (for example, getting acne or having a sudden growth spurt). Some changes are ones we can predict, and this makes if easier because we can prepare ourselves for them; such changes are moving from primary to secondary school, leaving school and embarking on studies or a career, leaving home and moving house. Sometimes, big changes happen suddenly and unexpectedly leaving us feeling overwhelmed and confused; examples of these are sudden family changes (such as a parent leaving), accidents and the death of a loved one or friend. The aim of this sheet is to help you to understand the thoughts and feelings we can experience when change or loss occurs, and to identify some things you may find difficult.

Thoughts and feelings Some of the thoughts and feelings that may swamp us when we experience loss or sudden change are: • Sadness: An overwhelming feeling of sadness and loss. You may want to cry a lot. You may experience sadness almost as a physical pain or a dull ache, a feeling of emptiness. • Loneliness: You can feel lonely and isolated, even when with friends. You feel somehow detached from their activities, and lonely, because they can't share your experience or feelings. You may want to be on your own a lot. • Anger: You may have thoughts like, ‘Life is so unfair!’ and, ‘Everyone still has the person they're close to, and I don't.’ You may get angry or jealous when you hear your friends talking about their families. If someone close to you has died, you may feel angry that they left you. • Worry and fear: Worries may be about how you will cope with new circumstances, for example, having to make new friends and get to know a new area or school. We may also experience physical fear, for example, fear of the dark or bad dreams. When big changes occur such as divorce or death in the family, you may worry that everything will change, that you won't have anyone to talk to, or that you'll have to take on a lot more responsibility in the family. Sometimes you may be worried for other people in the family, and wonder how they will cope. At other times people are afraid of death itself and ask themselves questions about what has happened to their loved ones.You may even have a fear that this is going to happen to other people you know and love. • Guilt: Sometimes, when bad things happen in life, you may feel that you are somehow to blame. You may remember times when you were unhelpful towards that person, or regret that you didn't do more to show them that you loved them.

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C7 If someone gets ill or dies, however, this is never your fault. It can help to remember the good times as well as the sadder ones. • Embarrassment: You may feel embarrassed about talking to people about your feelings, and not know how to respond when people ask how you are feeling. • Feeling confused and not being able to concentrate. • Other feelings: There are other feelings associated with change and loss. Can you name any which you have experienced in the box below?

Things that are difficult to cope with: • having to do more tasks about the house – even having to help looking after your brothers and sisters • mealtimes e.g. not sitting down together or eating more junk food • having less money • having to walk to places more, or go by bus • having only one person to look after you • missing the help that that person used to give you with your homework, also the things you used to do together and the fun you used to have.

More difficult things: • not having the person you love around • having to accept that you won't see the person you love again; this can be very hard, and you may not want to believe it • watching a parent and other members of the family get upset • worrying about the future and what will happen • feeling vulnerable and unsafe because suddenly your whole world has changed. It may help you to know that these thoughts and feelings will become less intense with time. You can help yourself by evolving coping strategies, and by talking to people you know and trust, see Coping with Change and Loss (2).

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Coping with Change and Loss (2) Everyone copes with change and loss differently and there is a natural grieving process that needs to be worked through before we can start to feel more like ourselves again. However, there are things that we can do which will help us to cope. Below are some ideas which young people have found helpful: • It's okay to cry: Crying can help to release pent-up feelings of sadness, pain, loneliness and guilt. You can cry on your own, or sometimes with other family members who are feeling the same kind of emotions as yourself. • Talking to friends: Although your friends may not be able to fully understand how you feel, they do care for you, and will want to help you as much as possible. • Talking to a trusted adult who really understands: This may be a trained adult such as a counsellor. Often it is good to talk to someone who is outside the situation, because they may be able to make helpful suggestions as to the way forward, which we couldn't see for ourselves. • Being with your family: It's important to spend time with your family, just being together, sharing memories and talking about the person you have lost. This is particularly important on special days such as birthdays, holidays and Christmas, which are felt to be family times. • Writing or drawing: Keeping a diary containing your thoughts and feelings about what has happened is a good way of getting those thoughts and feelings out of your head. Pictures can be good too, and can sometimes describe how you feel better than words. If you wish to keep your thoughts and feelings secret, you could invent a secret code or just keep your diary in a place only known to yourself. • Remembering: Although remembering can be painful, it helps us to remember just how that person looked and sounded, the kind of things they did and said, and how much you cared for each other. This can help you to feel closer to them, even though they are gone. Some things that help us to remember are: photos; something that the person has given you in the past, perhaps on a special occasion; something they left behind. These are things we can treasure. • Letting off steam: Sometimes we will feel angry and frustrated when we have lost someone, so it's good to have ways in which we can let off steam without harming our surroundings, ourselves or others! Some ideas are: computer games, which may help us to hit out at imaginary people; punching a pillow; playing music; having a good shout or scream or physical exercise, like running or swimming. • Looking after yourself: Although you may lose your appetite and may not feel much like doing your usual activities, it's important to look after yourself as much as possible. You won't help yourself or those around you if you become run down or ill. Try to eat well and get plenty of exercise. Taking part in sport can help us get rid of tension. Team sports are good because it involves us with other people. • Taking time out: Nobody can grieve all the time. It's okay to take part in things which help to take your mind off what has happened and allow you to enjoy normal activities. This doesn't mean that you don't care, and is a bit like a safety valve. It's good for you to have fun and this will gradually become part of your everyday life again. This is part of the healing process.

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The Grieving Process

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There is no right or wrong way to grieve when we have lost someone we love, and each person needs to go through grief on their own: nobody can do it for you, although people can support you and help you through. It may help you to know that there is a recognised grieving process which most people go through when they have suffered sudden change or loss.You are not odd or abnormal: these are stages that it is natural to go through.

Stage 1: People experience denial, shock and disbelief, and have thoughts such as, ‘This can't be true,’ or, ‘This can't be happening.’ Stage 2: People feel overwhelmingly sad and depressed. Sometimes these feelings are so strong that they interfere with a person's ability to concentrate and engage in normal everyday activities. Stage 3: Anger takes over in this stage. People may have thoughts such as, ‘Why me?’ and, ‘Life is so unfair!’ They may feel angry at God, at the situation or at people around them. Stage 4: The final stage of the grieving process is acceptance. The person who has experienced loss is finally able to accept what has happened, and can move on in his/her life. Memories are still present, but the person has learned to cope and to integrate their loss into their life.

These stages are interchangeable and at times people may move back and forth between them. Each stage will vary in time depending on the person, their ability to cope, and how much help and support they have around them.

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C Unit 8: Be Good to Yourself – Understanding Self-harm

Unit 8: Be Good to Yourself – Understanding Self-harm Overall Aim To help young people to understand the nature of self-harm and the importance of looking after our physical and emotional wellbeing.

Learning Outcomes By the end of the unit pupils will: • Understand what we mean by self-harm, and the forms that it can take. • Understand why young people may need to engage in activities which are harmful to themselves. • Discuss a number of non-harmful strategies that young people can use if they feel sad, depressed or frustrated. Note: Facilitators should try to be aware of any young people who are demonstrating self-harming behaviours.

Activities Brainstorm In the whole group, the facilitator asks the young people to engage in a brainstorm around what young people need to keep themselves physically and emotionally healthy (for example, a well-balanced diet, sleep, physical safety, friends and family who are supportive).

The Spectrum of Self-harm In smaller groups, pupils are now given the sheet A Spectrum of Self-harm and a set of Self-harm Cards with various activities printed on them. The young people have to agree whether the activities on the cards are, or could be, forms of self-harm – also how serious these would be in terms of putting at risk a young person's health and wellbeing. The cards are as follows: • dieting • anorexia • healthy eating • bulimia • binge-eating • drinking (alcohol) • smoking • cutting, burning, etc. • taking drugs • working • relaxing • physical exercise • lack of sleep

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Unit 8: Be Good to Yourself – Understanding Self-harm C • over-sleeping • sexual activity • shopping. Discussion follows. What should emerge from this activity is that self-harm is a spectrum and can take different forms, although some are more harmful than others. Almost any physical activity, if taken to access, can be harmful. Are there other forms of self-harming that we haven't mentioned?

What is Self-harm and Why Do People Do It? Pupils look at the sheet Self-harm: what it is and why people do it, which gives some basic information about self-harm, and lists some of the reasons which young people give for self-harming. The facilitator should explain that this is a very complex issue, and that cases vary considerably. It may be beneficial here to invite a speaker who has expertise in this field, or staff from a local project which helps young people who self-harm, so that young people can get first-hand accounts of the issues involved.

Information-gathering Pupils now work in groups, with the task of finding out more about different aspects of self-harm, in order to make a presentation to the whole group. These could be: • cutting and burning • anorexia • bulimia • drugs. The facilitator creates ‘information islands’: islands of resources which the pupils can use to glean the facts they need. The Internet should also be available. Pupils should have a definite time, and questions to work to, for example: • What is the nature of this activity? How is it defined? • Why does it happen? • What are the signs and symptoms? • What effects does it have upon the physical and mental health of the individual? • What advice would they give to someone who thought they had this disorder? Pupils could have a definite ‘product’ to work towards, e.g. a pamphlet, presentation or video for young people.

Presentations The groups take turns to present their findings and advice, and to take any questions from the rest of the class. Members of each group could volunteer to be put in the ‘hot seat’, and answer questions on their topic from the rest of the class.

Top Tips for Keeping Healthy and Happy Pupils work in groups to draw up their top tips for keeping healthy and happy. These are shared, as well as sources of information, advice and support.

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C Unit 8: Be Good to Yourself – Understanding Self-harm

Materials • A Spectrum of Self-harm: one sheet for each group of five to six pupils. • Self-harm Cards: copied onto card and cut up into sets for groups of five to six pupils. • Information sheet Self-harm What it is and why people do it. • Activity sheet Top Tips for Keeping Healthy and Happy.

Sensitive Issues Facilitators may become aware during this activity that there are young people in the group who are involved in risky behaviours. Staff should feel able to talk to the young person concerned at a suitable moment, and know who to refer such problems on to in order to access help and support.

Sources of Help and Support • National Self-Harm Network (website www.nhsn.co.uk) contains information about self-harm, including a Myths and Common Sense section and a list of resources. • Young People and Self-Harm website, organised by the National Children's Bureau (www.selfharm.org.uk) contains information and sources of help and support, including information about local projects. • Samaritans: Free Helpline 08457 90 90 90. Confidential email support for young people who are worried, upset or confused is also available through [email protected]. • NHS Direct: 0845 46 47. Staffed by nurses, this Helpline provides health and medical advice. • Louder than Words: Information for young people on issues around self-harm contained in a booklet prepared by young people at the Amber Project, Danescourt House, 62, Plasturton Avenue, Pontcanna, Cardiff. CF11 9HH. Telephone: 029 20344776.

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A Spectrum of Self-harm

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Work in a small group. Look at the activities on the cards and decide whether you think these are low, medium or high risk in terms of having a negative effect on a young person’s physical and emotional health and wellbeing. Discuss these as a group, including all the circumstances and factors which may be involved. It’s okay to move a card around, or to have differences of opinion within your group about a given activity!

Low Risk

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Medium Risk

High Risk

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Self-harm Cards Copy this sheet onto card and cut up.

Dieting

Taking drugs

Anorexia

Working

Healthy eating

Relaxing

Bulimia

Physical exercise

Binge-eating

Lack of sleep

Drinking (alcohol)

Over-sleeping

Smoking

Sexual activity

Cutting, burning etc.

Shopping

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Self-harm

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What it is, and why people do it Self-harm is a term used to describe any way in which a person might hurt themselves: physically, emotionally or psychologically. In its widest sense it includes any activity that might potentially be damaging to health and wellbeing, such as smoking, taking drugs or drinking alcohol. Many things which are considered acceptable or even pleasurable can become harmful if taken to excess, for example, work, eating, sport and sleeping. People hurt themselves in all sorts of ways, varying from less serious to life-threatening. Selfharm can be as simple as a failure to look after oneself properly, such as after a bereavement, or when feeling depressed. At the other end of the spectrum, people may physically injure themselves, as in cutting, burning or scratching themselves. Eating disorders may start off unintentionally, for example, with a desire to attain an ideal body-weight or shape, but then ‘take over’ and can spiral out of control. The most dangerous of these is anorexia, which is life-threatening, but other eating disorders have prejudicial effects on our physical and mental health and wellbeing. Self-harm is not talked about much, but is more common that we think. Eating disorders, for instance, have become more common in Western societies, and it is generally thought that this is linked to the promotion of ideal body shapes which are unrealistically thin, and an obsession with dieting.

Why do people self-harm? The reasons why people self-harm are incredibly varied and often complex. Lots of people are not really sure why they hurt themselves. People can feel particularly vulnerable at certain times of their lives, either because they are under increased stress or because a particular situation reminds them of something that has happened in the past and this leads them to feel that they need to self-harm. These circumstances are called ‘triggers’, some of which are listed below: • certain times of year, e.g. Christmas • particular times of the month, days of the week or times during the night • anniversaries of traumatic events • pressures in school or college such as assignment deadlines or exams • being bullied or made to feel different in any way • changes at home, school or college • following an argument or row • when experiencing bereavement or loss • any sort of abuse

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C8 • being rejected, unloved or isolated • issues around sexuality. Self-harm is often a way of coping with unbearable feelings or distress. Young people who self-harm describe a momentary feeling of release and being in control. It can also be a cry for help.

Some reasons which young people have given for their self-harm are listed below: • It stops me thinking about the pain that I feel inside. • It reminds me that it's my body. • It stops me feeling as if I am going to explode • What else in my life can I control? • Sometimes I do things that I shouldn't or I have awful thoughts or feelings and feel that I have to punish myself. • Sometimes I can't find the words to describe how much I'm hurting inside. • It helps me when I get so angry that I feel that I'm going to burst. • Self-harm reminds me of the way that I've felt in the past: it's familiar and comforting. • People can't see the pain I feel inside but they can see my scars. • It helps me to feel alive! From Louder than Words, produced by young people at the Amber Project, Cardiff. It’s important to be able to recognise potentially self-harming behaviours in ourselves, to develop positive ways of thinking and lifestyle choices where possible, and to seek help if necessary.

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Top Tips for Keeping Healthy and Happy

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Resources and Sources of Help and Support Mental Health and Wellbeing • Young Minds: This is a national UK charity, committed to improving the mental health and wellbeing of all children and young people in the United Kingdom. Their website, www.youngminds.org.uk contains information online, including downloadable booklets on aspects of mental health, and also an invaluable list of national organisations which can be accessed by young people and adults. • Northumberland Mental Health NHS Trust (1999) Depression and Low Mood: A Self Help Guide, a booklet written for young people by Lorna Cameron and Leslie Maunder and downloadable from the Internet. • The Samaritans can be accessed free around the clock: 08457 90 90 90, email [email protected] and offer confidential support for young people and adults if they are worried, upset or confused.

Bereavement and Loss • CRUSE Bereavement Care is a UK-wide organisation which aims to help and support people who have been affected by bereavement. Their website www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk has sections about helping children and information for schools. • CRUSE has a Young Person's Helpline on Freephone 0808 808 1677. Through their Youth Involvement Project, they have also developed a dedicated website by young people for young people which aims to support young people after the death of someone close to them. The site is called RD4U, which means the ‘road for you’, and can be accessed on www.rd4u.org.uk. It involves information and advice for young people, but also a fun zone, so that they can chill out when things get too much for them.

Self-harm Several organisations provide help and support for young people who are self-harming, or in danger of doing so. • The National Self-Harm Network has a website – www.nshn.co.uk – which includes a useful myths and common sense section. • The Young People and Self-Harm website – www.selfharm.org.uk – is organised by NCB (National Children's Bureau) in the UK, and contains information and sources of help and support. • ChildLine can offer support and advice to young people around self-harm: 0800 1111. • NHS Direct 0845 4647: this helpline is staffed by NHS nurses, and provides confidential health and medical advice. • NSPCC Helpline: 0808 800 5000.

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Bibliography Section A: Rights and Responsibilities Children's Rights Andersen, P. (2000) Young Children’s Rights: Exploring Beliefs, Principles and Practice. Jessica Kingsley. Aspinwall, T, Crowley, A & Larkins, C (2003) Listen Up! Children and Young People talk about their rights in Education. Save the Children. Osler, A. (Ed.)(2000) Citizenship and Democracy in Schools: Diversity, identity, equality. Trentham Books. UNICEF (2004) The State of the World’s Children, 2004.

Section B: Right Relationships Child Abuse Margetts, Nault, Selk-Yergas & Swaglive (1996) Protective Behaviours Publications. Feeling Safe & Standing Strong. ASJOP Inc. Sanderson, C. (2004) The Seduction of Children, Empowering Parents and Teachers To Protect Children from Child Sexual Abuse. Jessica Kingsley. Whitney, B. (1996) Protecting Children: A handbook for teachers and school managers. Routledge Falmer. NSPCC (2004), Worried, Need to Talk? 42 Curtain Road, London, EC2A 3NH. 020 7825 2775

Bullying Beane, A. L. (1999) The Bully Free Classroom: Over 100 Tips and Strategies for Teachers. Free Spirit Publishing Inc. Bullying, (1999) Don’t Suffer in Silence. DfES Downloadable advice: www.dfes.gov.uk Revised in 2002. Jennet, M. (2005) Stand Up for Us: Challenging Homophobia in schools. NHS Health Development Agency/Healthy Schools. Lee, C. (2004) Preventing Bullying in Schools, A Guide for Teachers and Other Professionals. Paul Chapman Publishing. (2003) Respecting Others. Welsh Assembly Government Anti-bullying guidance. Rigby, K. (1997) Bullying in schools – and what to do about it. Jessica Kingsley. Rigby, K. (2002) Stop the Bullying – A Handbook for Schools. Jessica Kingsley. Rivers, I. & Duncan, N. (2002) Understanding Homophobic Bullying in Schools: Building a Safe Learning Environment for all Pupils, The Journal of Critical Analysis, No 75. Varnava, G. (2002) How to Stop Bullying in Your School – a Guide for Teachers. David Fulton Publishers Limited.

Conflict Resolution and Anger Management Cowie, H. & Wallace, P. (2000) Peer Support in Action: From Bystanding to Standing By. Sage Publications. Davies, G. & James, P. (2002) Conflict Resolution in the series PSE in Focus Nelson Thomas, Nashville.

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Johnson, P. & Rae, T. (2000) Crucial Skills, Anger Management and Problem Solving Teaching, Programme for High School Students. Lucky Duck Publishing. Kingston Friends Workshop Group (1996) Ways & Means Today: Conflict Resolution: Training Resources. Macbeth, F. & Fine, N. (1995) Playing with Fire: Creative conflict Resolution for young adults. New Society Publishers. (1998) Mediation Works! Conflict Resolution & Peer Mediation manual for secondary schools & colleges. Mediation UK. Smith, C. (2002) B.E.S.T Buddies : A comprehensive training programme introducing a peer buddy system to support students starting secondary school. Lucky Duck Publishing. Stacey, H. & Robinson, P. (1997) Let’s Mediate. Lucky Duck Publishing.

Sex Education: See DfES, Welsh Assembly and Northern Ireland Assembly Guidance on Sex & Relationship Education. Family Planning Association (2001) 4 Boys 4 Girls: Talking with young people about sex and relationships.

Keeping safe on the Internet Chatdanger.com: How to Keep Safe in Chat Rooms. Information for young people, parents and schools. Childline: Safe Surfing: www. childline.org.uk Guidelines for young people: childline.org.uk/Safesurfing.asp DfES : Safety.ngfl.gov.uk Superhighway Safety: Safe use of the Internet: Includes Internet safety for Schools e.g. advice on setting up your own website; also Safety for parents, and Internet proficiency scheme, Beca award for 7-11 year olds. Home Office: Wiseuptothenet.co.uk : Keeping your child safe on the Internet. Information for parents to help them advise their children on chatting safely online. National Children’s Home Website: NHC IT OK: Includes Internet safety Guide & Offensive email: how to stop it. Particularly useful list for young people: Cyber Cedric’s Netsmart Rules ThinkUKnow.com: Your Guide to Safe Surfing. Advice for young people & case-studies.

Domestic Violence Brown, S. (2001) The Invisible Dimension: Violence Prevention Education. A Teachers Handbook. Liverpool Ed & Lifelong Learning, Liverpool Butler, I. Scanlan, L. Robinson, M. Douglas, G. & Murch, M. (2000) Divorcing Children. Children’s Experience of their Parents Divorce. Jessica Kingsley. Domestic Violence Forum (2003) Buddy Safe Relationships: A Programme for Secondary Schools and Young People in Youth & Community Settings. Wolverhampton. McGee, C., Saunders, H. (2000) Childhood Experiences of Domestic Violence. Jessica Kingsley. Saunders, H. (2000) Childhood Experiences of Domestic Violence. Jessica Kingsley

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Section C: Right On! Keeping Positive when the Going Gets Tough Worry, Anxiety, Depression, Stress CAMHS publications. Northumberland Mental Health NHS Trust (1999): Depression & Low Mood. Downloadable from Internet, www.nmht.nhs.uk

Emotional Intelligence: Goleman, D. (1995) Emotional Intelligence, why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books, Bloomsbury. Gordan, J. & Grant, G. (2002) How we Feel: An insight into the emotional world of teenagers. Jessica Kingsley. Luxmoore, N. (2000) Listening to Young People in School, Youth Work and Counselling. Jessica Kingsley. Mosely, J. & Tew, M. (2002) Quality Circle Time in the Secondary School: A Handbook of Good Practice. David Fulton Publishers. Rae, T. (2000) Confidence, Assertiveness, Self Esteem. Lucky Duck Publishing. Save the Children (2005) The Wellbeing of Children in the UK. (A comprehensive report on the physical and emotional wellbeing of children in the UK.) Sharp, P. (2001) Nurturing Emotional Literacy: A Practical Guide for Teachers, Parents and those in the Caring Professions. David Fulton Publishers. Smith, C. (2003) Concluding Circle Time with Secondary Students. Lucky Duck Publishing. Smith, C. (2003) Introducing Circle Time to Secondary Students. Lucky Duck Publishing. Smith, C. (2003) More Circle Time for Secondary Students. Lucky Duck Publishing Weare, K. (2004) Developing the Emotionally Literate School. Paul Chapman Publishing.

Loss and Bereavement Holland, J. (2001) Understanding Children’s Experiences of Parental Bereavement. Jessica Kingsley. Mallon, B. (1998) Helping Children to Manage Loss. Positive Strategies for Renewal and Growth. Jessica Kingsley. Mood, P. & Whittaker, L. (2001) Finding a Way Through When Someone Close Has Died. Jessica Kingsley.

Self Harm Louder than Words – The Amber Project, Danescourt House, 62, Plasturton Avenue, Pontcanna, Cardiff. CF11 9HH. Telephone: 029 20344776.

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