Transit

Dedications

To all those who love our work as much as we do, and to Aleks, who brings me joy every time we work together. You all make my world. —Raev

To Cyn, who not only helped with the research, and Raev, co-author extraordinaire & friend. —Aleks

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 3 Transit

“LISTEN, I don‟t want to hear it.” The longer the conversation went on, the less likely Andrew would be able to rescue the pizza from the oven. The handset‟s ultramodern design had no sharp angles. He couldn‟t wedge it between shoulder and ear without it slipping away, and that meant he needed at least one hand. Rescuing a pizza that was drying out or already burning with one hand would mean he‟d burn himself, and then it would slide off the tray and land, most likely facedown, on the kitchen tiles. “Andy, come on.” “Fuck „Andy‟. It‟s Andrew, and you know it, sugar puff,” Andrew growled into the phone. That shut Chaz up. Andrew hadn‟t been aware how nasty “sugar puff” could sound if he spoke it with enough venom. “We‟ve been through this a million times, and it‟s getting old. Leave me the fuck alone, or I‟ll get a restraining order. I‟m not fucking joking, okay? I don‟t want to hear it anymore. You broke it off with me; then you come crawling back. I give you another chance; then you treat me like dirt again. I‟m done with this. I‟m done with hot-cold, hot-cold. I get enough ups and downs in my job. I don‟t need you to kick me in the face when you feel like it too. You‟re a cocksucker, and not in the nice way. Fuck you, Chaz.” “I can tell you work in advert….” Andrew hung up, feeling weird because he was shaking, and he wasn‟t sure it was all rage. Eight months of this. I love you, I hate you, I love you, I hate you. Sometimes those

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 4 swings had come in the middle of conversations. Some kind of mental health issue. Chaz was a classical pianist—didn‟t all those guys end up insane and hanging themselves? He put the phone down firmly on the granite countertop, then plucked two dish towels off the rack and opened the oven. He still, with a part of his brain, expected the smoke alarm to go off at the sudden wave of heat, but American flats were spacious, whereas his first flat in Sheffield had had the smoke alarm installed in the corridor, just two steps away from the oven. Making a full English always meant inviting the fire brigade to share. The pizza was dried out, the cheese toward the rim had a dark brown skin, and some sausage slices had started to turn into carbon. Andrew ignored the health warnings about carcinogens in burned food and neatly cut out the unburned center. The phone rang again, and he stilled, aware that he was clutching the cutlery. Five times. Seven. Ten. Silence, when the answering machine took care of Chaz. This whole drama had started when they‟d decided to do “open relationship” after three months. Or rather, Chaz had so much as told him they‟d be “open” from now on. And into what kind of trouble had that put them? Chaz immediately acquired two or maybe three other toyboys in the musical scene. Andrew wanted to be self-righteous, but he remembered his own McGrady disaster too well. Mixing business and pleasure. And hell, in this whole economic mess, with nobody knowing if they‟d have a job come next week, getting that kind of boost to the ego had been too damned nice. You’re looking great today, Mr. Young. He was a sucker for men who complimented him. But it hadn‟t actually helped his relationship much. If that train wreck of

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 5 jealous calls and mutual stalking on Facebook and LinkedIn counted as a relationship. Fuck Chaz. The pizza tasted like burned cardboard. He‟d craved carbs after his last stint of diet, but this wasn‟t worth it. Vaguely disgusted, he tossed the half-eaten food into the bin. The phone began to ring again. Andrew shot it a baleful look and headed to his wardrobe to pack for the business trip tomorrow, blanking out the calls, selecting tailored suits and ties, shirts, socks, and managing to squeeze in his gym kit too. He pondered taking lube and condoms. Ever hopeful, Andrew, he thought when he placed them into the suitcase, even though the destination was Singapore, where homosexual acts could get him caned. He didn‟t expect to do anything there. Especially not since he was going to travel with Javier Castillo, the group creative director he‟d gotten involved to rescue the account and smooth things over. The agency had landed a big fish with the Singapore client, but that fish, Ms. Li, was more barracuda than trout. She was on the verge of a fit in that very polite Asian kind of way because the previous creative team hadn‟t successfully read her mind. Castillo was a hard-ass, but he knew his job. Maybe some good old Latino charm might work on the lady who decided whether that account would be renewed or not. Keeping customers was important enough at the moment that Andrew was perfectly happy to do what it took and make sure he had the best shot he could get. He was, after all, the responsible account director. He‟d never have gotten that far up without being efficient and sometimes ruthless.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 6 At least he‟d be out of the country over Christmas. This year he hadn‟t felt like flying over to England. His older sister was going through a bad divorce and had holed up with their parents, and Andrew didn‟t feel he had the strength to be supportive. That he‟d never liked her soon-to-be-ex wouldn‟t help either. The guy had grabbed him by the lapels at the wedding reception and called him a fucking faggot to his face, which had set the tone. Andrew had just about managed to refrain from sending her a congratulatory e-mail when he‟d heard the news from their mother. In any case, he had a lot of things on his own plate at the moment—the job, Chaz, maybe returning to England. Maybe a new job, plans that terrified him just as much as they excited him. At the very least, the business trip meant he could get away from it all without feeling guilty. Busy rather than heartless. He‟d deal with all the rest when he returned, just in time for the new year. He seriously hoped 2010 would suck less than 2009. The phone rang again.

THERE were two kinds of frequent travelers: the ones who got more enraged every time they experienced a setback, expecting every need to be met immediately, and the ones who took setbacks with the resigned, dull-eyed patience of someone who was entirely too used to this kind of thing. Javier Castillo was in the latter category, though he may or may not have let his Latin temper get the best of him in

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 7 his younger years. Back then, he may or may not have been enraged at being stranded in Italy two days before Christmas, with a colleague, instead of spending time with his family in balmy San Diego. And all of this to try and save the agency‟s collective asses. That colleague was Andrew Young, a British account director. Javier didn‟t know him well. By reputation, sure. Everyone knew Andrew‟s reputation, and that wasn‟t necessarily a good thing. It was only convenient to take a taxi together. They worked in the same open-plan advertising office (“open spaces for open minds”), and they had to meet the same client in Singapore. Of course the travel lady had booked them on the same flight. “Jesus, twenty-six hours of flying. You‟d think the global village had shrunk the planet somewhat,” Andrew had said. Javier had reacted with some grouchy reply and regretted it immediately. It wasn‟t Andrew‟s fault they were being sent out so close to the holiday, after all. Javier knew his own reputation: they said he had no sense of humor at all, that he stalked around like an angry pit bull. He‟d suspected they‟d simply stereotyped Latino aggression until he caught himself in the mirror one day and realized they were right. He stood completely straight, with the poise and coiled strength of a boxer, ready to bash anybody‟s face in. After the initial grouchiness, he made an effort to be friendlier to Andrew and realized the Brit had been watching him, maybe trying to size him up. They‟d spent most of the flight talking business, a safe topic, and Javier had realized why Andrew was an AD. He knew his stuff and knew his clients. Plus, he had the kind of

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 8 natural charm that outstripped Javier‟s hard-won people skills. As for Javier himself, he was more a creative type than a salesman. He could talk frankly and directly about what he and his creative team did. He could intrigue people with his art, but he‟d never been good at setting them at ease and making them smile. He left that to the ADs. He wasn‟t idealistic enough to feel that glimmer of hope that they might pull themselves out of the fire just by charm alone, but maybe in Andrew‟s case he could. He really was charming. Then, of course there would be a freak snowstorm in Northern Italy. About ten hours later, and they were late, circling Malpensa like an eagle trying to land. According to the pilot, there was some kind of fuck-up on the Italian side (of course), and they circled for half an hour more. Two and a half hours late. Not that it had mattered in the end; their connection was grounded by snow. They went to the Crowne Plaza for rooms, but everyone else seemed to have had the same idea at the same time. In the shadow of the huge, multicolored Christmas tree, Javier shuffled forward with the check-in line, bumping shoulders with Andrew as one or the other shifted his weight, and every time they touched, he felt it for the next five minutes. Tired and travel-dazed as he was, he found his gaze wandering from admiring the architecture to admiring the line of that pale neck, the curve of his ear, the simple aesthetic of the human body. That aesthetic was entirely sexual for Javier. He knew there‟d be trouble when the clerks behind the counter started getting nervous, leaning to one side to see

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 9 how long the line was, conferring with one another. He suspected the hotel was nearly filled with the other few hundred grounded passengers. They were third and fourth in line now; maybe they‟d get lucky. He and Andrew stood shoulder to shoulder at the counter; they stepped up simultaneously, and the clerk glanced uneasily between them. “Only one room, signori.” Javier hoped he had misunderstood and it was a question. “There‟s only one room left?” The clerk nodded. Avoiding Andrew‟s eyes, Javier set the company credit card and his passport down on the counter, shaking his head. What else, he thought. What fucking else. “Is it a double?” Andrew jumped into the breach. “If that‟s okay, Javier.” “It‟s fine.” Javier sighed and decided he honestly didn‟t care. He‟d had to share a room with a travel partner before; in spite of what some spoiled suits thought, it wouldn‟t kill either of them. He‟d ignore Andrew‟s proximity, too tired to do anything about it anyway, and they‟d be back on the metaphorical road in the morning. “Double, signore,” the clerk agreed, and passed a key card across. “We‟ll need two,” Javier said. The clerk seemed to take this as an insult and cast him a positively dirty look. Javier was well-accustomed to dealing with affronted artists and won the stare-down. The clerk programmed another key card and slapped it onto the counter with ill grace. Javier glanced at the room number, then headed for the elevator, muttering under his breath, “If the global village makes the world smaller, I hope it starts by cutting Italy out first.”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 10 Andrew burst into laughter, startling Javier. He was still smiling when they entered the elevator, and Javier studied him out of the corner of his eye. There was an odd lightness in his expression that didn‟t seem to fit hours of travel and delays. Was it phony, or was he just that good-natured? He was too drained for further small talk, but once the door shut behind them, he suddenly realized they were alone, in a hotel room. The beds were pushed together. “If you want the bathroom first,” Andrew offered, and placed the suitcase on the nearest bed. He pulled the folded clothes out and hung them up so they wouldn‟t crumple, then shed his jacket, pulled the silver cuff links out, and rolled up his sleeves, baring pale arms covered with barely visible blond hair. Those arms were toned, probably from the gym, and moved with quick, clever gestures. “Want anything from the menu?” “They have any kind of fish?” Javier studiously turned away from Andrew and the pushed-together beds and went into the bathroom for a shower, waiting until he‟d stripped to start the water. The four-star hotel was classy enough to have adequate hot water—probably—but he didn‟t chance it. He hung his jacket on the rack outside the door and shed his shoes, putting them underneath the rack. He peeled his shirt and undershirt off with a relieved sigh. In the mirror, he caught sight of the full-color tattoo of the Virgin Mary on his right shoulder, just outside his shoulder blade. The ink was old, faded, the lines beginning to blur, but every time he saw it, it startled him, as if he didn‟t expect it to be there on his body.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 11 “Uh. Grilled fish. Swordfish, I think,” Andrew said. Javier spotted the other man‟s face in the mirror, looking through the partly open door. They broke eye contact simultaneously. “I‟ll order that.” Javier closed the door and took in a deep breath before he pulled off his pants and started the shower. Christ, this was a terrible idea. He could still feel those pale eyes on him, eyebrows lifted slightly. Clearly checking him out. No. Absolutely not. It could not happen. He made the shower quick, forcing his mind to a different topic, wondering what his parents and siblings were doing, calculating the time difference to New York and San Diego, deciding if he should call. But Andrew wouldn‟t leave his mind, and he only succeeded in making himself feel dirty. He surrendered the shower with some perfunctory comment and waited to see if Andrew would leave the door open even a fraction. He didn‟t.

BY

THE time Andrew came out of the bathroom, Javier had

turned one of the lamps toward the table and spread his work out, sketchpad in the middle. His laptop sat nearby, unopened, which intrigued Andrew. He‟d thought all the work happened on Photoshop or some other program these days. He‟d seen it before, during meetings, when Javier seemed to think best with his pencil in hand, sketching with seemingly no other purpose than to sketch in the margins of the papers, head-in-the-clouds artist style. Javier leaned over the pad, his face close to the paper as if he were nearsighted, pencil moving in quick, sure strokes.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 12 He was clearly thinking, planning, cataloging ideas, but he betrayed nothing else. The muscle beneath his Virgin Mary tattoo twitched with each twist of his strong wrist, but otherwise he‟d gone completely still. A slight tension in his shoulder betrayed that he was still conscious of someone else moving around the room, but he refused to be distracted. The food arrived. Andrew brought it in, closed the door, and set a plate down for Javier on the end of the table not covered in work. Then he sat down on the bed and ate in silence, polite enough not to interrupt Javier‟s concentration. He found himself staring at the tattoo, Javier‟s back, shoulders, the trimmed black hair on his neck. Damn, if that wasn‟t a red thread in his life. Creatives intrigued him. There was always a world beneath the surface, a world that he couldn‟t spy or reach, and a world that depended on them to be translated into words or images or sounds. He‟d enjoyed listening to Chaz practice his pieces, had willingly provided the adoration that the pianist needed for his ego. Chaz truly soared when he was being worshiped. Javier closed the sketchpad and tucked the pencil inside the spiral binding, then sat on his own bed. Keeping his distance. Careful. “What do you know about this woman in particular? How does she deal with westerners?” Yes, it was about time that Andrew put him into the loop. He‟d have been happy to just handle things (or just watch Javier for a while longer), but he understood that Javier wasn‟t the type to follow his lead. He had a reputation for being something of a control freak, both demanding and

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 13 domineering, but from what Andrew had seen in meetings, Javier very rarely used the full extent of his powers. Andrew poured them each a white wine. A gesture that made this seem oddly like a date. Or maybe it was just Andrew‟s runaway mind. “She‟s bossy in a nice, smiling, „that won‟t be a problem, will it?‟ kind of way. Keen business sense. You know, typical Chinese. What were you working on?” “Just thinking. Trying to place her, figure out what she wants.” Javier shrugged the tattooed shoulder. “Have you met her in person?” Andrew grinned. “No, it was on the phone. We chatted a bit, and she said she hated what the other team did for Lucy‟s. I told her we could do better than that. I mean, Lucy‟s was okay, but it wasn‟t your work, was it?” Javier quirked a brow. “I don‟t do work that‟s just okay.” He wasn‟t boasting; it was simply the truth. Javier‟s creative team was top-notch, and Javier did a good job directing them and pushing them to do their best. “Lucy‟s wasn‟t okay, anyway. It was a piece of shit.” “That‟s why I want you. I mean, you get to show Feinstein he‟s an amateur, you get to save the account and another opportunity to shine. And I sell you as the hottest thing that ever walked the earth and pull the agency out of the fire, saving the day.” Javier blinked. And blinked again, but then the expression shifted as if he‟d been offended, a dark youbetter-not-have-said-that look. “Are you giving me a pep talk? Letting me know how good I have it here?”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 14 “No. I… figured if I can get the best man for the job, it‟s more likely we save the account.” Andrew‟s gaze dropped down, concentrated on his fish, but he could have kicked himself. Bloody thoughts of bloody Chaz. Too much familiarity with the shower and the shared room and having seen him so absorbed in his work. This was a colleague, not a friend or acquaintance like a one-night stand. “You have him,” Javier said. That sounded wrong too, somehow. It didn‟t take long for every word in a conversation to sound dirty, and Andrew bit the inside of his cheek, pretending not to notice that this could have been innuendo. “I like to know as much as I can about somebody before I give them an idea. That‟s just how I work. Drawing helps me figure things out. Half of what I come up with is probably made-up bullshit, but I get lucky often enough, I guess.” The most Javier had spoken at once on the entire trip thus far, as if to make up for his laconic hostility. “Well, they hired an American agency because they love the American style. ” Andrew schooled his features carefully into his business face, one that was neutral, eager, competent, friendly. It worked on almost everybody. It would surely work on Javier. “I mean, she said she wanted American stuff with Lucy‟s. Just make it better than that, and I‟m sure it‟s going to blow her mind.” “She was right—their stuff was horrific,” Javier said evenly. “It‟s about bold, not gaudy.” He reached behind him and plucked the sketchpad from the table without looking. The page fell open briefly to a sketch of a man‟s jaw and suited shoulder. He flicked further until he got to the current

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 15 project. He held the page up to Andrew and lifted an eyebrow. The design was little more than abstract lines, but they described exactly what Javier had said: clean, bold, aggressive, heavy pencil lines. “I like that.” Andrew leaned forward, and it seemed like the loss of a few inches of space between them made it harder to breathe. “It‟s a statement. It‟s not… inoffensive wheedling nonsense. Good signal to noise. There‟s something solid there.” Something solid. Somehow those words hit him in the guts, a Freudian slip that opened him up wide. He abruptly got up and collected the plates and cutlery that weren‟t needed anymore and deposited them outside. He came back in, closed the door again, and checked the window to keep his distance, torn between that feeling of familiarity and what he knew was the professional thing to do. “It‟s still snowing.” “Don‟t be embarrassed,” Javier said almost gently. “It‟s hard to articulate art. It‟s all about emotion.” For a moment, Andrew thought Javier would get up and join him at the window. And what kind of picture was that? The warmth of the room and the soft hush of the snow. A romantic atmosphere, if there were anything romantic about this. But there wasn‟t, and couldn‟t be, not the way Andrew was reeling and in turmoil. Hard to enjoy this if his mind kept racing once it was left to its own devices. He‟d enjoyed talking business with Javier because he had to concentrate. Business was safe. It was the only thing still on track, something where he had both feet on the ground. But even that wasn‟t quite true. There would be layoffs. Part of this whole trip was about trying to keep his job. If he got Mrs. Li

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 16 to sign on the dotted line again, he might just escape the next round of downsizing. It’s all about emotion. How bloody true. Andrew didn‟t know how to respond. He stared out into the white world for another moment, then pulled the curtains most of the way closed. Best evade the issue. Stay as professional as possible, even though he could feel the current, the chemistry. This wasn‟t the first time that Javier had pinged on his gaydar, either. He was pretty sure Javier was gay or bisexual, and Andrew was almost completely out at work. In advertising, it wasn‟t a huge deal. The McGrady thing had definitely outed him to those who hadn‟t known. He thought he‟d got over his attraction to Javier. It was just physical, he‟d told himself, but the man‟s presence devastated anybody who had a pulse, and the longer Andrew spent with him, the bigger the thought and the attraction grew. “I think I‟ll go to bed, if that‟s okay. I mean, if you want to work more, that‟s fine. You won‟t keep me up.” He turned away from Javier and pulled his pants off, hung them on a hanger, then went to the bathroom to clean his teeth. When he returned, he switched off the light on the nightstand and slipped under the blanket. Whatever connection, chemistry, whatever they‟d had for a moment was gone.

JAVIER didn‟t stay up much longer. He went back to the table and his sketchpad, but he was too tired to think, couldn‟t drag anything coherent out of his brain. He stripped down to his boxer briefs and went to bed. He naturally ended up on the right side of the bed, nearest Andrew, but

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 17 whatever. They weren‟t that close, and he didn‟t think the man was indiscreet enough to try to molest him in his sleep. Not that you’d mind, a little voice told him. Javier had never had any trouble falling asleep, and tonight was no different. He dropped off almost immediately, on his back, but at some point, toward morning, he found himself facing the window. The snow made everything brighter, and the light leaking through the gap in the curtains woke him. The room seemed utterly silent except for his own breathing. He wondered if Andrew had left the room until he turned and found himself almost face-to-face with the other man. The rise and fall of his chest told Javier they‟d been breathing nearly in sync. In the diffuse pale light, Javier studied him, his face softened with sleep, the little lines that cut into his forehead not visible. The freckles and pale lashes made him look about twelve, and the sudden flush of sensation underneath Javier‟s blanket felt even weirder. He wondered how many people had actually seen Andrew the playboy like this. In the middle of the night, his mind still half-muddled by sleep, he felt guilty for that thought; he knew better than to judge someone by rumors alone. Andrew really wasn‟t so bad, if Javier could let go of his stupid, defensive pride. He hadn‟t said a bad word about Javier, and any slight had been imagined. They weren‟t really rivals. If they got this account, they‟d both be safe and keep their jobs. Probably. Before he‟d realized it, he had pushed the blanket down and was reaching across the few inches of space still remaining between them. His hand came to rest on the side of Andrew‟s neck, just feeling the warmth there, the pulse.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 18 Andrew opened his eyes, a pale gray in the colorless predawn. His hand came up to touch Javier‟s arm, trailing his fingers up to his shoulders. Solid, sleep-warm. What was he doing? It didn‟t really matter at this point. Before he woke up too much and gave it too much thought, Javier shifted his body forward, closing the gap, and kissed Andrew. The man responded immediately. Not languid, but wideawake. He pushed forward, letting Javier go only to push the blankets out of the way, getting closer, body to body—well, not quite, there was still clothing involved. Andrew‟s hand trailing down to his groin, his briefs, pulling at them to get them off. Somehow Javier hadn‟t expected that. He didn‟t know what he‟d expected, but this sudden movement, sudden momentum wasn‟t it. He could do nothing but let it carry him along, and he shoved down the boxer briefs, kicked them off, then hooked his fingers in the waistband of Andrew‟s briefs and tugged, feeling warm skin slide beneath his hand and those lips on his, paying attention to nothing else, caring about nothing else. Andrew pulled him closer, shedding his own boxers clumsily, before he changed positions, pushing Javier back and getting on top, weight on elbow and knees, still kissing; then he straightened enough to shed the undershirt. His left nipple was pierced with a brushed steel bar, and there was a round flat scar high up on his left arm, but apart from that, his body was unmarked, almost anonymous. He looked as if he might speak but didn‟t. They should probably not talk at all, to make sure none of this turned real.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 19 Javier grunted, not sure whether it was in protest or acknowledgment of being pinned. He put his hands on Andrew‟s ass, fingers splayed, squeezing as he pulled their groins flush. This was wrong—they shouldn‟t do this—but here they were, and he didn‟t want to stop. Just wanted to barrel ahead, balls to the wall. So to speak. Andrew smiled at him, kisses becoming gentler, more teasing. He kissed Javier‟s neck and throat, bodies still as close together as possible. “I want… I want you,” he murmured against Javier‟s chest, breaking the spell of silence but avoiding saying Javier‟s name, as if that protected them in some small way. Javier drew in a sharp breath as his voice, low and throaty, thick with desire, echoed the feelings coursing through his body. He put his hand in Andrew‟s hair, half grabbing, half stroking, and considered his words. He nodded once, though Andrew wasn‟t looking up at him, and twisted his hips to roll them both over again. The moment‟s pause gave him a little perspective, almost too much, and he didn‟t need that. He just wanted, and for once, wanted to give in to that without thinking about it. “C-condom,” Andrew stuttered, and reached toward the side of the bed. The way his body twisted, muscles tensing, his hard-on jutting from the shadows of his groin, made his own cock twitch in need and anticipation. Andrew patted through the little suitcase near the bed until he found one and a travel-sized bottle of lube. Javier wondered how often he‟d had sex on business trips and decided he didn‟t want to know. Andrew‟s sheepish smile when he came back seemed to answer the unspoken question and apologize for it. Andrew

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 20 returned to kissing him, and Javier was happy to accept that. The man was an excellent kisser. Most guys seemed to think kissing was perfunctory, just a preliminary step toward the good stuff, but Andrew took his time with it, one hand on Javier‟s neck, offering the touch and demanding nothing, kissing as if they‟d been together for years. Javier felt his self-possession begin to slip; he definitely hadn‟t expected this. They‟d started out fast, as if for an impromptu fuck, but now it seemed leisurely, like they‟d both meant to do this. Before Javier was sated, Andrew moved between his legs, dipped his head to lick his cock, shuddering when he made contact. The man wanted this. He really wanted this. Just like Javier did. Javier‟s first thought, I bet you’re good at it, too, made him feel guilty again. Just because other men weren‟t prudes about their sex lives didn‟t mean they were sluts. Though the rumors about himself had long since died down to speculation, he still heard talk every once in a while, and it still annoyed him. People would make up rumors when they couldn‟t find any. Bet he’s still a virgin. He never has time for anything but work. Or, among one of the stranger ones, He just claims to be gay so he doesn’t have to go home to his wife. The consensus was that he was a tight-assed prude, when he was just more circumspect. Usually. His eyes widened slightly, watching Andrew‟s pale face hover near his cock, and that smile. God, that smile. There was something appealingly cocky about it, but it was warm and sweet, too, and above all, eager. He touched Andrew‟s shoulder lightly, for no other reason than to have contact.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 21 Andrew traced the side of the cock between his lips, then with his tongue, following the vein. He sucked on it as if to test it, then ran his tongue around it, while his hands were busy with the lube bottle, coating his fingers and the palm. The lubed hand took hold of the rest of the cock, slowly pumping him. Javier groaned, thighs quivering as he struggled not to thrust into that mouth. This was unbelievably hot: he in a hotel room with the walking rumor generator. And he had initiated this. He couldn‟t have said exactly why he did it, but he couldn‟t find it in himself to be ashamed of it. Exactly the opposite. He met the other man‟s pale eyes briefly and smiled. A shared secret, shared private enjoyment. Cock still between his lips, Andrew winked at him, then continued to pleasure him, taking him deep and pulling back against the suction, sounds wet and obscene, and back and deeper again, only to pull back slowly. He closed his eyes, one slippery hand playing with Javier‟s balls, squeezing and kneading them in his palm. “Christ….” Javier let his head back, his senses filled with those sounds and that feeling, positively aching with pleasure. The hand on his balls made him catch his breath, and he nearly squirmed, drawing his feet up and letting his knees fall open. “Just… just….” Just hurry. Just do this. He didn‟t know how long this spell of recklessness would last; he wanted to feel the other man before his inhibitions caught up with him. Andrew pulled back and licked his lips. “What? Is that okay? Do you want more? Something else?”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 22 The concern in Andrew‟s voice struck an odd chord in Javier, and he forgot to answer for a minute. His casual fucks were usually nice guys, but they were primarily concerned with their own pleasure, and he was primarily concerned with his. They had a silent understanding: This is just to get off. None of them looked so concerned, almost solicitous. He laughed a little. “Yeah, I want more. I want you.” His hand tightened on Andrew‟s shoulder. “Come up here.” Andrew came up, stayed on top, and kissed him again, deeply, passionately. You. Javier felt his arms lifting to circle Andrew, holding him tight without knowing why he bothered. There was something entirely different about this, and he knew both of them could sense it. “You okay?” he asked when they broke away. He wasn‟t sure why he asked; maybe it was the odd breathing pattern or the slight trembling beneath his hands. “Yeah.” Andrew grinned, which then turned into a selfconscious smile. “Been wanting you for too damned long. I didn‟t think you were interested, so it‟s….” He shrugged as if to downplay his confession. “Unexpected.” “You have?” Javier hadn‟t even realized Andrew knew him or paid any attention to him, thought he‟d had bigger or more interesting fish to fry. Good God, how could that one statement turn him into a blushing teenager? Andrew nodded. “Nobody knew anything about you either. Damned frustrating. So I… just left it at that.” Javier gave a soft laugh. “I keep a lid on my personal life.” As far as he could, anyway. He‟d been outed years ago, and he hadn‟t been the first or even the most interesting gay

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 23 man at the agency, but he‟d never been comfortable being the subject of rumors. “Nobody‟s business but mine.” “Yeah, that‟s true. Guess there was a fair share when I won the McGrady account.” Andrew bent down to kiss Javier‟s throat. McGrady. That was the incident that had catapulted Andrew into infamy and, ironically, onto Javier‟s radar. Rumors circulated for so long they turned into fact: Andrew Young had slept with the client to get the account, and he‟d been successful. Javier grunted; he really didn‟t want to hear about that right now. It reminded him too clearly that he was about to sleep with the office slut. He let his head fall back, baring his throat, and curled his fingers into the red-gold hair. Andrew placed small bites along his bared throat and pushed between his legs before he sat back again and poured more lube into his hand to prepare him. Then the condom, which he rolled on, and he paused. Javier saw his expression shift, eyes flickering, and he responded to nerves the same way he usually did: calmly daring. “It‟s okay,” he said quietly. He didn‟t know how, or why, but it was okay. Andrew glanced up and smiled. “I think it is. It‟s not like anybody will know. You don‟t have to worry about that.” Javier couldn‟t deny that he felt better hearing that. The last thing he needed was a rumor circulating that he‟d fallen into bed with a colleague (much less this colleague) on a business trip. Entirely too cliché and entirely too dangerous. He knew the chance of his father finding out was slim to none, but like any child who‟d been raised to fear his parents, he was still half-convinced he‟d find out some way.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 24 He pushed that thought away. “Well, then,” he said, just as calm. Andrew shifted to get to the right angle, pushing Javier‟s legs up farther before he eased himself in, slowly, pulling back a little before he slid in deeper and adding more lube just to make sure. Javier drew in an unsteady breath, head falling back again as he welcomed the intrusion, welcomed Andrew. “Slow,” he whispered, not because it hurt, but because, oddly, he wanted this to last. Usually he was fine with letting the momentum carry him away, even liked letting lust drive him, and was fine with parting in the morning without much fanfare. He saw no reason to hurry here, didn‟t even want to. Huge mistake, but he didn‟t care. He‟d worry later about the rest. He barely knew this guy but liked him, respected him as someone who knew more about his life than most because he lived a similar one. Maybe that was the difference. Or maybe it was just that the snow made him lazy; they were in no rush here, still stranded. For once, he had a little time to be still instead of running to keep up with business and travel, travel and business, never staying in one place long. Andrew continued to slide in, pulling back a little when Javier tensed, then resuming it. Once inside, he paused, pushed up to kiss Javier, his chest. Javier looked at him with something like wonder; he couldn‟t explain his own actions and didn‟t have a clue about Andrew‟s. What was that look in his eyes? Whatever it was, he draped his arms across his back, one hand curling around the back of his neck while they kissed. He gradually relaxed, letting his

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 25 hunger break through, unexpectedly intense. There was that tiny rational part of him warning him still, but it was distant, halfhearted. “God, you‟re good at this.” “Anything done sloppily is not worth doing at all. Or something,” Andrew said, his muscles tightening, body moving from its own volition, kissing, breathlessly, but smiling. This was good, good for them both, more intimate than some one-night stand, more like friends after the way the travel had brought them together. “I wanted you all the time. On the plane… you know what I did in the bathroom?” He grinned. “I can guess.” Javier returned that grin with a wry smile. He liked that reckless look, edgy and a little bit boyish, glassy-eyed with pleasure. “You kept distracting me, too. I hate being distracted.” Though if this was what came out of it, he couldn‟t really complain. “Sorry.” Andrew laughed, losing his rhythm for a few moments, then continued, keeping to slow and intense. “God… I won‟t tell a soul.” That made Javier feel pitifully better. Andrew might change his mind about the statement or forget he‟d said it, but for now, it offered the security Javier needed to fully relax. “Okay,” he whispered. “Then tell me how you want to fuck me. What you were thinking about on the plane.” “I wanted to blow you. I wanted to see you lose it, strapped into that seat.” Andrew groaned. “Or fuck you in that bathroom, neither of us making a sound. Or the elevator. Same thing.” Javier laughed, but even that was a quiet sound. Christ, the images, bent over the tiny airplane sink or against the

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 26 wall of the elevator, his pants pulled down, Andrew‟s hands on his hips, Andrew fucking him quick and dirty. Fantasies that were too dangerous, too reckless to actually indulge in, but oh, they were nice to think about. “Maybe you can try on the way back….” Did he just suggest that? “But I never lose it.” There was a hint of challenge in his tone: But you can try to make me lose it. Are you up to it? Andrew sped up, the glint in his eyes saying he‟d take the challenge. It sent a jolt directly to Javier‟s cock. “Maybe? What does that depend on?” “Hadn‟t really thought about it. Opportunity, maybe.” “How would you… have me?” “I like to provide the element of surprise.” Javier‟s lips quirked. “I like to let the moment take me.” Not usually this way, though. He usually kept this under control. He made a soft sound as the angle changed and Andrew hit just the right spot. “Fuck. Do that again.” Andrew did it again, just slower, and then again, teasing them both like that. Javier made another sound, lower, and pressed his mouth against Andrew‟s neck, kissing and biting. The tension in his body was the only thing that betrayed his fight for control; even his kisses were still leisurely, as if it were just another lazy evening in bed. “Trying to tease me? You won‟t win.” Andrew groaned, shuddering, and took Javier‟s cock in his lubed hand, stroking him in time with his thrusts, getting more desperate but not yet ready to accept defeat. “I… can try….” “You don‟t give up. I like that.” Javier gasped, but he refused to give up, too. It wasn‟t a matter of being unwilling

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 27 to give up his control—not entirely, anyway. He just loved this, teasing himself and his partner, appealing to the other man‟s competitive nature. Some guys wouldn‟t compete. It just wasn‟t in them, and maybe they were too gentle. Even if Javier didn‟t know Andrew, he knew the type and knew he‟d compete to the end. He held his own orgasm at bay for as long as he could, head swimming, body begging him to give in to release, but there was a kind of sweet masochism to it. Andrew‟s body was gleaming with sweat, his fair English skin flushed from the exertion, the kind of man who flushed just from shouting or laughing too hard. He moved, thrusting, sliding. He gradually increased the speed and power of his thrusts, then headed for release, thrusts hard and demanding before he lost the fight and came, every muscle rigid in his body. It was the expression on Andrew‟s face that got Javier off, eyes closed and lips open, that beautiful, perfect, overwhelming pleasure spiced with something like pain. As the other man quivered above him, he let himself fall over that edge, face pressed into his neck. The warm wetness across his belly made him shiver, and for a moment his arms tightened around Andrew, reluctant to let him go.

ANDREW released Javier‟s cock and took his head instead, pressing him close for another hungry, openmouthed kiss, long and desperate, and only broke it when he absolutely needed to breathe. He pulled back enough to look at him and grinned. “I hope there‟s a dozen meters of snow on the roll field.”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 28 “It‟s still coming down pretty hard out there.” Javier gave him a heavy-lidded smile and relaxed against the mattress, half-tangled in two blankets. Was that an invitation for more? Andrew wasn‟t sure what this was. Definitely a completely opportunistic fuck. An invitation he‟d enthusiastically taken. Uncritical mind, body just going for it with no reluctance. God, he‟d just slept with him. And even worse that he wanted more of that taste, the touch, the smell, the feeling. Javier made him buzz with arousal, fierce and sensuous like he‟d rarely felt it. With Chaz things always turned into some kind of emotional blackmailing game, until Andrew had learned to expect it from almost all sex. McGrady had been just fun, but that one had screwed him in a different way. What now? What was this? Pressure relief? Why had Javier touched him? Morning wood, most likely. He didn‟t want to allow the inevitable awkwardness of this situation to set in. It had felt good, natural, sane to have sex, to kiss and touch and suck Javier. He wanted to keep that feeling. They still had time to kill before they could leave the hotel, and even longer before they parted company. What had Javier said? Maybe you can try it on the way back. They had time to do this, whatever this was. They‟d done it once; why not continue while they could? Take what he could get. Andrew got up from the bed to get rid of the condom in the bathroom and wash his hands. He returned and stretched out next to Javier. This began to feel like a Sunday, even though his body‟s rhythm was thrown out of whack. “Could take the train down to Rome and fly from there. That‟ll cost us a day, too. Or wait for the freak weather to stop.”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 29 “We‟re probably better off just waiting it out rather than relying on public transportation in bad weather.” Andrew agreed. He was in no hurry to get anywhere. He was keenly aware of the job, but bad weather was bad weather, right? But he wanted to keep up appearances. Javier slid out of bed to take his turn in the bathroom, then crawled back beneath the blankets. Both had now come untucked, but it didn‟t matter anymore; it didn‟t matter if they touched. That ship had sailed. “I don‟t mind. We could pretend we‟re on holiday. Italy isn‟t half-bad for food.” “Weird holiday. But then, I haven‟t taken a vacation in a while. Maybe it‟s changed since I last took one.” Andrew had an odd impulse to touch Javier again, because he could, because his skin was still flushed. He reached over, mirroring Javier‟s gesture that had started all this, and put a hand on his neck, just studying him. This was weird. “I think we deserve a holiday. Fuck the economy. But you can work.” “You wouldn‟t be saying that if you lost your job,” Javier said mildly, placing his fingers on Andrew‟s. “The problem with liking your job is you want to do it all the time. I‟ll end up working at some point.” “Who knows? This might actually end up inspiring you.” Andrew grinned at him and pushed the thought away that Chaz had once called him his muse. Before they‟d “opened” their relationship. Maybe muses came with a sell-by date. Chaz had certainly sold him down the river many times. “Don‟t know what I‟ll do if they axe me. I might go home, or start my own thing, or take a sabbatical and travel the

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 30 world.” This was the first time he‟d spoken this aloud. Those plans were nebulous at best, a list of bullet points Andrew had compiled in five minutes after the meeting that had been all about downsizing. Plans B, C, and D. Only that they weren‟t so much dreams as fantasies. The way Javier lifted an eyebrow spoke of a healthy dose of skepticism. “You‟re pretty blasé about it.” “I‟ve had so many meltdowns in my life….” Andrew shrugged. One or two more won’t make a difference. If everything collapsed—relationship, family, and now his job— that might just force him to finally think long and hard about his life. He‟d wanted to do that anyway, but hearing himself pillow talk to Javier didn‟t sound a single alarm. “People are always buying something. They need somebody to sell it to them and make sure they‟re happy with the product and to take care of the relationship. I mean, I love the industry and I really like the job, but I could do something else. I know a bunch of people; I have the relationships. I could probably take a fair few of my accounts with me when I leave.” He started to believe it himself. And why the hell not? He‟d been hired and promoted as much for his connections as for his talent, and the firm needed those connections badly, especially right now. But he‟d built and maintained those relationships, and he‟d keep them. Those were his contacts. Javier‟s eyes flickered. “You don‟t have much of a sense of loyalty.” Or maybe he should have kept his mouth shut. Javier was more old-fashioned, some said stupid, for staying with

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 31 the same firm he‟d interned with almost fifteen years ago. He wondered what that felt like. He‟d stuck around because of the money. It was a good place, he enjoyed it, and there had been no better offer yet. Not that there would be a better offer in the current economy. People stuck around, too nervous to move, to even ponder if there was greener grass, as long as there was grass. But Javier was the type to be doggedly determined and fight it out till the end. “If they‟re axing me, they get what they deserve. Disposable people work for disposable companies. That‟s what I‟m saying.” Andrew smiled as if to take the sting out. Disposable muse, disposable relationship, disposable everything. He was getting tired of this. He had to change his life, build something that would last, something unique and precious, but he had no idea yet how to do it. “I‟m just being proactive. You were at that meeting. They will fire people. I just don‟t want to be a victim in that situation. I guess they‟ll let the foreigners go first, even though firing you would save them more money, but I don‟t think so. They‟d be stupid to fire you.”

THAT didn‟t mean they wouldn‟t if he fucked this up. Javier felt the low-level unease that had been creeping through him for weeks now ratchet up a notch. Letting him go would save the firm more money, and there were other teams, other creative directors who were more politic. They‟d kept him on because his work was consistently good, not because they had any sense of loyalty. He‟d never been under any illusion the agency reciprocated that sentiment.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 32 His eyes narrowed ever so slightly. “I guess I don‟t think the same way you do.” A diplomatic phrase, even though his voice was low and tense. He‟d learned to not bite down on everything that irritated him or upset him. Mostly. “Then let‟s stop talking about it.” Andrew moved close enough to kiss. “There‟s really no point. Maybe they won‟t. I‟m just working on alternatives.” Javier accepted the kiss, but he was still unaccountably tense. He was tired of this kind of cutthroat competition. Competition was the name of the game in advertising, and he didn‟t mind—thrived on it—but the all-or-nothing mentality that had taken over the agency as the recession slid deeper made him wildly uneasy. It added a facet to the business he didn‟t want and had never counted on; all he wanted was to do his job without worrying about the rug being pulled out from under him. An incredibly quixotic view, maybe. “Well, that‟s okay,” he said finally. He didn‟t move away, but he didn‟t move closer, either. “Hmmm, breakfast?” Andrew put on a diplomatic face and sat up, clearly noticing the change in Javier‟s expression. “I could eat.” No longer in a lazy mood, Javier slid across the bed and grabbed his sketchbook, retreating to his crutch for dealing with the world the same way an addict would go back to his drug. “I meant it, by the way. You don‟t have to be nervous about this. I can be discreet, even though I learned that the hard way,” Andrew said. “Discreet is the last thing I‟m nervous about.” Surprisingly, it was true. If he was going to lose his job, it

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 33 would be because the Singaporean woman didn‟t like his pitch, or because of completely uncontrollable factors. Sleeping with Andrew probably wouldn‟t have anything to do with it, though he almost wished it would. At least that was a factor he could control, more or less. All he could do was fill the time as best he could, as always, seeking something to do, something to occupy his mind. He didn‟t like being idle, and there was too much potential for that on trips. He‟d never really been a good traveler. He couldn‟t relax, couldn‟t stand waiting without something to do in the interim. Hated the feeling of suspension between the place he‟d come from and the place he was expected. Hated feeling lost. Living for the moment, in this strangely timeless place and time, caught between flights.

THE last thing I’m nervous about. Andrew felt a strange pinching in his chest, with a tightness in his throat. Not just sex? Or was he reading Javier wrong? He got up and flicked the menu open, made his choice without really caring what he‟d eat, then handed the menu to Javier. Shower. Shower was a good place to think. He was possibly reading Javier wrong; hell, wouldn‟t be the first time either, but he couldn‟t forget the chemistry and, to be frank, the great sex. It was probably too soon after Chaz. He should cool off, but he could feel Javier run like a low, sensuous current through his body, under his skin. The last of his worries. Maybe there was something starting here. He‟d like that, even though there was a warning voice that

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 34 things would be complicated with dating at work. Hiding a relationship? God, relationship. What a thought. What a concept. After a one-night stand. He had nothing to go on, just a feeling, just how well they‟d clicked during sex. The faux intimacy of a shared business trip was fooling him, but Andrew had always prided himself on being a go-getter, a proactive guy who took the initiative. He rather risked getting rebuffed than regretting missed chances. He‟d just risk it. No different from any other kind of opportunity. When he came out of the shower, Javier was sitting on the bed with the sketchpad balanced on his knees, his brows furrowed, eyes turned toward the window, watching the way the snowflakes fell, dancing in the air, whirling dizzily on their way to the ground. This time he didn‟t ignore Andrew but glanced in his direction, his eyes half-focused. Andrew‟s face must have given something away, because before Andrew could make up his mind to broach the subject, Javier asked, “What are you thinking?” “Um,” Andrew mumbled, leaning in the doorway in a show of ease and relaxation, too aware of how he looked now, with the towel slung around his hips, fastened in a way that would make it easy to unwrap him. “I was wondering if you‟d be interested in actually dating.” Javier‟s pencil stilled. His eyes focused gradually, as if he wasn‟t sure how to process that response. When his gaze finally sharpened, it settled on Andrew‟s midsection, the line of his hip. He lifted his eyes. “We barely know each other,” he said slowly.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 35 That was no real excuse. Dating was all about getting to know one another, and Javier seemed to know that too, because he amended the statement. “And we work together.” But they‟d already slept together, Andrew thought. It was too late to come up with that “let‟s be professional” excuse. “We do.” He paused to backtrack, to save face. “You wanted to know what I was thinking. That was it. Just that.” He headed to his suitcase and grabbed a casual pair of wellworn jeans and some socks and began to dress. Javier‟s gaze was still on him, and Andrew struggled to keep his expression neutral, not allow this to sting, even though it did. He couldn‟t help berating himself for the move, but he‟d recover from this. He always did. Falling is no sin; failing to bounce back is. Damn, he‟d read too many business books. Good enough to fuck, not good enough to date. Fine.

“YOU were never on the debating team, were you?” “We didn‟t have that at my school.” Andrew looked up. “What do you expect? Some kind of rhetorical device? I‟m good at selling, but I‟m not good at selling myself.” “I wouldn‟t have pictured you as someone who‟d easily give up on something he wanted,” Javier said. He knew Andrew wasn‟t weak-willed—nobody survived the advertising business with a weak will—and wondered why he‟d suddenly shrunk from the matter. He knew this wasn‟t the best way to go about it, but he needed to know.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 36 Andrew frowned. Javier realized he‟d crossed a line when he retorted. “You want to be chased? Let‟s see. Roses from a secret admirer, compliments, cloak-and-dagger stuff? Like that?” Javier was silent for several seconds. Was that it? Did he want to be chased? Maybe. He‟d never had a problem getting sex partners, but relationships were a different matter. He‟d always been the one trailing after someone like a lovesick puppy until he‟d finally given up. Conspicuously, he hadn‟t had a relationship since. But it really wasn‟t fair to demand to be courted like some prissy damsel. “That‟s not it,” he said finally. “But if you really want to do more than just fuck, I have to know that the potential consequences of this might be worth it. I‟d like to know you won‟t up and run at the first sign of trouble. I don‟t work like that.” “What the fuck are you afraid of?” Andrew asked. The blue-gray eyes hardened, and Javier had a glimpse of a different Andrew, one with claws and teeth, one who wasn‟t afraid to fight to defend himself. “I don‟t have a plan. I don‟t have an Andrew Young marketing campaign for you. I‟m not pitching myself, Javier. You‟re not buying me, okay? There‟s no fucking guarantee, no warranties, no indemnities.” He pulled a T-shirt over his head and started searching for his shoes, obviously too angry to look at him. Javier put his sketchbook aside and simply sat, frozen to the spot in shame. Andrew was absolutely right. He‟d no right to ask or request that kind of guarantee. He hadn‟t really meant to sound like a complete bastard. What the fuck are you afraid of? Very good question. “I‟m sorry.”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 37 Andrew paused, one hand balled into a fist around the T-shirt. The tension in his shoulders eased slightly. “It‟s okay. Sorry. Shouldn‟t have lost it like that.” He put the Tshirt on and finally found the shoes on the other side of the suitcase. “You‟re right. It‟s a bad idea. We‟re working in the same place, you have a reputation… and I am more trouble than I‟m worth.” Javier let out a sharp sigh and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, moving to stand, unabashedly naked, in front of Andrew, arms crossed. “No, it‟s not okay. I‟m demanding and defensive and I don‟t give enough back. I might be more trouble than I‟m worth. I‟m just…. Maybe I‟m afraid of losing what I already have. At least I know it.” “What do you have? A boyfriend? Bad breakup?” Andrew‟s expression had changed; he was frowning but seemed willing to listen, claws sheathed. Javier felt pitifully glad for the concession. He shook his head slowly. “I have a job. A career. It‟s not really just that. I know my life. I know the way things are. I‟m used to it. I can deal with it.” And then, you…. “That‟s okay.” Andrew‟s chest expanded as he inhaled deeply. “I‟m not messing that up. If you just want to fuck, that‟s okay. I mean, it was nice. It worked.” He slipped into his shoes but sat back down on the bed. Awkward. “I wasn‟t thinking when I….” That sounded bad. “I mean, I wasn‟t thinking that far ahead.” Javier dropped onto the edge of the bed beside him and pushed his hands through his hair. “I don‟t know.” I don’t know how much of a coward I want to be. “I‟m trying not to be an asshole here,

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 38 but I‟m not doing a great job. You just caught me off guard.” He didn‟t think he had to explain how rare that was. Andrew gave a small smile. “That happened to me when I got the McGrady account. Stuff just happened, and suddenly I had to work around that.” Javier turned to look at him. Stuff just happened. A couple of days ago he‟d have said that was total bullshit, but what was last night if not “stuff just happened?” Suddenly he had a lot more sympathy. “It‟s okay. Relax, take your time, think about it; send me a text message when you‟ve worked it out. I‟m okay with a no. I am.” Javier drew in a deep breath. “Well, here‟s the thing. I still want you, and we‟re still stuck together for at least another few days. It‟s not like I can just go home and think it over. That would be ideal, but in the meantime, I….” What kind of asshole would he be if he said “I want to keep doing what we‟re doing?” Andrew was quiet for a minute, watching him with that beautiful, mobile face that showed half a dozen emotions at once, each too brief to really see or absorb. “Don‟t worry. It‟s a good way to pass the time.” He grinned. “I‟ll head to reception and ask about the weather and other connections. Maybe they‟ve heard something.” That would give Javier a few minutes alone to think about what he‟d started. He nodded and went into the bathroom as Andrew left the room. He took his time showering and shaving, enjoying the scalding-hot water. It made him feel a little more level-headed, more with it, and he decided, well, hell, if all this could be was good—great—sex,

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 39 that was okay. And it could be something more. Maybe. If he could just get over his own cowardice.

ANDREW still struggled with the disappointment, but at least he was out from under Javier‟s way-too-observant gaze. Just sex, then. He knew himself only too well; he‟d be unable to resist Javier when he got back, and that was okay. Fuckbuddies. Less commitment than a relationship, less risk to get hurt. And the sex was good. It was a basis for something. Maybe some kind of friendship. Because you do have a stellar let’s-be-just-friends record, he thought with an edge of irony that bit deeper than he‟d have admitted. He headed to reception and had the guys there line out his options. The weather forecast was the real problem. First, it would snow more; second, temperatures would stay low, so there was no way the snow would thaw. They were stranded for at least a couple more days. Andrew sauntered over to the bar to get a hot tea, listened to what other stranded travelers talked about, but it was really about calming down and coming to terms with all those strange feelings. Maybe it was worse when a crush that had stretched over years was suddenly fulfilled with sex? Unlike getting the cold shoulder from a five-minute acquaintance in a bar. Some kind of shared history, a shared environment. It was far more embarrassing. Talking about shared environment. He pushed his hand into his front pocket and pulled out his phone. He‟d shut it down when they‟d landed and completely forgotten to check it since then. He waited for it to start up again—bloody

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 40 smartphones took as long as computers to switch on these days—and soon felt it vibrate as he received a bunch of text messages. And a couple voice mails. He was pretty sure that Chaz didn‟t have his work phone number but still paused for a few moments, because he simply couldn‟t be sure some well-meaning PA hadn‟t handed it out to him. Chaz was good at playing the concerned boyfriend who‟d “lost the number” or “had just gotten a new phone.” He‟d done it a few times during their other breakups. Back then, it had been cute rather than creepy. The text messages were premature season‟s greetings from the family, two of those from his sister, who regretted that he couldn‟t be there. With trepidation, he called his voice mail. “Hi Andrew, this is Patrick. How are you doing? I just… I just thought maybe you should know. Ah, shit, maybe call me back? It‟s kind of urgent. Just call me whenever. Bye!” His coworker, also accounts. Andrew called back and waited for Patrick to answer the phone. “Hullo?” “Hi, Patrick. Andrew here. What‟s up? I just got your message.” “Jesus, do you have any idea what time it is?” “I wanted to catch you before work.” “You did.” Patrick yawned. “Whoa. Give me a moment. How is Singapore?” “Got stuck in Malpensa. Will call the boss next.” “Oh.” Something in the sound of that made Andrew‟s hackles rise.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 41 “What‟s up?” “Uhm. Okay. They seem to have made up their minds about who they‟ll fire,” Patrick mumbled, still hazy from being woken very early in the morning. “Seems we‟re both leaving.” “How the hell do you know that? I thought they‟d make that decision in January?” “It was an accident. I was just on the toilet when I heard the boss and the CFO talk outside the door. Seems they plan to replace us with new blood that‟s cheaper.” “Fuck.” “That‟s what I thought. I‟m already looking for a new job, and… just wanted to make sure you have plenty of advance warning. Sounded like it was already decided.” The sinking feeling in his stomach increased, and Andrew felt his pulse pound up against his temples. Shit. There went his job. A sudden resentment washed through him, anger at the boss and the CFO, especially, who hadn‟t even attempted to negotiate something with him. Hell, in this economy, pay cuts weren‟t unheard of. But they‟d just written him off—him, his contacts, his experience. Resentment fought shock, his mind whirling about severance pay, legal non-compete clauses, what it all meant. First thing back in the States, he‟d get an employment lawyer. If there was any way to fuck them back, he‟d do it. “You okay?” “Yeah, I‟m fine. Just… blown away.” Andrew shook his head and then nodded as the barkeeper asked with a gesture if he wanted anything else. “Second,” he said to Patrick, and

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 42 then indicated the tea cup, asking for another one. “How about you?” “I‟m glad I didn‟t buy the flat in the end.” “I can imagine. Listen, I‟ll be in touch when I get back. We could team up for a lawsuit and for the job search, too.” “Thanks, Andrew. That would make me feel better.” “Take care. And, um, Merry Christmas, I guess.” Andrew finished the call and stared into his tea, then poured some milk and sugar in and stirred, his mind empty except for half-understood fragments of ideas that never really came together to form a picture or a plan. And where did this put him with Javier? Maybe they could date when they wouldn‟t be colleagues anymore. That might just be the only good thing to come out of this mess. And how pathetic of you, that you prefer a sexy date to a wellpaid job, isn’t it?

JAVIER had just finished shaving when he heard the door into the hallway open. He splashed his face, then stepped out into the main room, still naked and damp. He had said he liked to surprise his partners. He considered how to play this for only a second before he moved to the sofa and put his hands on the back of it, presenting his ass. “I can‟t promise anything.” Only a disclaimer. Andrew stopped just inside the door, and Javier heard his breath catch. “I… don‟t need promises.” Javier heard the key card drop onto the table, and then Andrew came to him, moved close enough to brush him, and licked a drop of water

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 43 from his neck. Javier gave a tiny smile, glad he hadn‟t been rejected outright in spite of behaving like an asshole (and maybe a little self-satisfied). He pressed back against Andrew‟s groin. “Well, then,” he said, voice low and throaty. Andrew kissed him between the shoulder blades. “Stay right there.” He moved around Javier, located the lube, and found another condom in his suitcase. He opened his jeans, just enough to free himself, before he lubed his fingers. This time, Javier‟s breath caught, gaze settling on that cock jutting out of the denim. Andrew trailed his fingers down between his cheeks, then slid two fingers in and pushed. Javier shuddered. That place. It never failed. Andrew flicked over it, tracing, opened his fingers to brush it, across and around. His cock pressed against Javier‟s cheek, rubbing slightly, a maddening little tease that seemed designed to demonstrate that he had as much control as Javier. Every inhibition fled when he felt those fingers and that warm body. Whatever happened tomorrow or later today or in an hour didn‟t matter, only this. The rough denim and zipper against his cheeks made this more erotic even without that cock teasing him, and he was keenly aware he was fully exposed, had simply offered himself to Andrew. How often had that ever happened? “Christ,” he murmured, pressing insistently back against that hand. “I can‟t resist you.” “You‟re not supposed to resist me. You‟re supposed to enjoy this,” Andrew chided. He withdrew his fingers, put a condom on, and poured more lube between Javier‟s cheeks as he began to push inside, leaning more into him than

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 44 thrusting, moving forward very slowly. “Oh, this is good. Very good.” “Yeah….” Almost as good as the feeling of being slowly filled was the feeling of another body close. Andrew wasn‟t like many other partners, businesslike, only in this to get off; he did this as if it was familiar. More familiar than expected. Javier closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of a chest pressed against his back, and reached back to touch the other man‟s hip. “Wouldn‟t have thought you were so much into bottoming,” Andrew murmured and kissed his neck, just to the side of the tattoo, as if he were afraid to touch it. He stayed deep inside, not moving, and Javier simply enjoyed the closeness, his naked body against warm cloth, and the way they connected in more ways than one. “You know what they say—the really pushy ones are all secret bottoms.” Javier gave a soft laugh. In his case, it was absolutely true. He enjoyed topping as much as the next guy, but his only semisecret pleasure was bending over, allowing himself to get fucked. He moved his hand up, reaching for Andrew‟s hair, touching his face instead. His fingers rested there, appreciating the firm line of his jaw. He‟d have to draw that again. Andrew took two of his fingers in his mouth, sucking on them, then began to move, short thrusts with his hips, not hard enough to force Javier forward; he was too controlled for that. It suddenly occurred to him that Andrew had already come once this morning. He‟d have a lot more stamina now, and it looked like he intended to use every ounce of that.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 45 Before he could control the sound, Javier let out a little moan, clutching the back of the sofa with one whiteknuckled hand. God, this guy was good, and already he wanted more, started planning more. He hadn‟t asked how much longer they had before the next flight. “What did reception say?” Not the time, surely, but somehow he had to know. Andrew let the fingers slip from his mouth. “It‟ll thaw tomorrow. Trains are in chaos. No way out that makes sense.” Tomorrow, then. One more night of this. “Could snow again,” he murmured. “Wouldn‟t mind.” Me neither, Javier thought. He didn‟t think he minded spending Christmas with Andrew anymore. “Got to go to church for Midnight Mass in Milan.” “Sure. Reception said the taxi fare from here to Milan is around eighty to ninety euros. We just split that.” Javier almost laughed. “You‟d go to mass with me?” Somehow, the thought touched him. He didn‟t hear the answer and didn‟t much care at that point, with Andrew twisting his hips just so. One hand moved up to touch his throat, firm but not constricting, as the man continued to fuck him exactly like he wanted. God, the control, the expertise…. Javier knew exactly what Andrew was doing, trying to make him lose control, and maybe it would even happen. It wasn‟t a frequent occurrence. Usually when he got off, he kept in charge of it, had been doing it so long it was habit. But a large part of him wanted to be reckless and let go. If he could do that

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 46 anymore. “Wouldn‟t mind,” he whispered, echoing Andrew‟s words in answer to his own thoughts. “Harder. A little harder.” Andrew‟s thrusts came harder, like it was a natural progression rather than a response. His fingers tightened around Javier‟s hips. Javier bit his lower lip, curving his spine to welcome those thrusts. His aching cock demanded attention, but he ignored it for now, wanting to see how far he could push himself. “You could touch yourself. Or I‟ll blow you when I‟m done….” Oh, God. Maybe he really could lose control, let Andrew drive him mad. It touched him that he was concerned with Javier‟s pleasure in the middle of his own. “I like option number two.” He turned his head to watch Andrew out of the corner of his eye and smiled. Andrew laughed. “Hedonist.” He thrust harder, as if to reward or punish Javier for it. “God, I‟m close. I want to taste you.” “No complaints.” Javier braced himself, shifted his weight to take those thrusts, as if challenging Andrew to give him what he could. He looked over his shoulder, eyes grave now. “Fuck me like you want to.” “Like I need, you mean.” The thrusts came harder and faster now, desperate, but it was impossible to keep that up for long. Javier soon felt Andrew tense, cling to Javier‟s body and gasp for breath. He paused for only a moment before he pulled out and dropped to his knees, moving to take Javier‟s cock in his mouth, sucking him in.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 47 Dizzy from that sudden movement, Javier could only steady himself against the sofa for a moment, thighs tensing as that hot, expert mouth enveloped him. Finally one of his hands detached from the sofa and came to rest on Andrew‟s head, fingers curling in his fair hair. It was softer than it looked, and he grabbed a handful of it, not very gently. He was close but tormented himself with his own control, fighting it, resisting that mouth and that tongue. He could still feel Andrew inside and could feel him near—not just any man, but him. Andrew‟s fingers were on his butt, and, fiendishly, he slipped two fingers in. Javier let out a little shocked sound; the electric jolt of pressing that spot combined with the sucking tore away at his control, and he began to tremble, felt his balls and belly begin to tense. Andrew didn‟t let up. His neck moved back and forth, and so did his fingers, and he swallowed and sucked, without any indication he‟d pull back before he had everything he wanted. Javier barely realized he was slipping, surrendering, before his body gave in. A gasp, a Spanish curse, or maybe a prayer; his fingers tightened in Andrew‟s hair and he came hard, shuddering. Andrew swallowed, tightening his lips to keep stimulating him until he relaxed, then pulled back and kissed the join of abs and hip. “I needed that,” he murmured and stood, now between Javier and the sofa. Javier frowned a little, in thought rather than anger or upset. “Me too, actually.” He didn‟t mean being fucked or getting a blowjob. That wasn‟t all there was. It seemed like the more time they spent together, the more time he wanted

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 48 to spend. That was an odd feeling by itself, without adding the sense of relaxed comfort. He studied Andrew for a minute, then moved forward to kiss him. He wasn‟t tall and had to reach up a little to do it. Andrew pulled him close, dressed against his nakedness, and leaned back against the sofa. “Breakfast?” “Yeah.” Curiously reluctant to let him go, Javier pressed a kiss against his neck before he moved to dress. He paused for a second to admire the way Andrew wore the casual look, then opened his suitcase and pulled on dark jeans and a soft gray sweater while Andrew ordered food. He picked up his sketchbook and sat down but didn‟t immediately go back to work.

“WHAT do you do when you‟re not working?” Javier asked. Trying to evade butt-hurt ex-boyfriends, Andrew thought, and soon job hunting. But he didn‟t want to ruin the moment. All that seemed far away in this little bubble he shared with Javier. “Running, working out, meeting friends. Cinema, Broadway—things people do.” Andrew stepped to the window to watch the snow drift for a while, gathering his thoughts, but he didn‟t want to talk about the job. He caressed Javier‟s shoulders. The casual touch felt perfectly natural. “You work out a lot, too.” “Soccer, mostly. Playing and coaching kids.” Yes, there had been jokes about Javier having to leave the office to play soccer. Andrew now thought they were unfair but hadn‟t thought anything of the jokes when they‟d been told. He

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 49 wanted to defend him retroactively, but that didn‟t work. Of course. “I loved playing that. Fancied myself a bit of a midfielder, but I left that behind when I worked out I‟m gay. I didn‟t need that kind of trouble.” “Center forward. I‟m not tall, but I‟m aggressive.” Javier‟s lips twisted into a smile, and he tilted his head up to look at Andrew. “I‟m out to my team. There‟s several other gay men on it. You should come and play sometime.” “I‟d like that. What about your family? Mine‟s over in England.” “Family‟s in San Diego, mostly. I have a brother in Queens, but we don‟t talk much.” Breakfast arrived, and Andrew brought it in, arranging everything on the table without competing for space with Javier‟s work, then poured them both some coffee. Javier sat back in his chair, turned sideways with legs outstretched, as relaxed as Andrew had ever seen him. There was a long, searching gaze, and Andrew thought maybe Javier saw that he had something on his mind. And while Chaz had always badgered him about his thoughts, Javier didn‟t. Just to say something (and throw him off the scent), Andrew asked, “So, are you out at the firm? For how long?” “A few years. Complete accident.” “Well, it‟s not as though it‟s taboo in this profession.” Andrew grabbed a filled croissant from the basket and began to eat. “And it‟s not like you‟re a flaming queer.” “Try telling that to my father and my brother.” Javier‟s voice was amused, or just carefully cultivated to keep the

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 50 hurt out of it. He lifted the cover from the plate and took a few pieces of bacon to go along with his croissant, eyes on what he was doing, avoiding Andrew‟s face. “At least I‟m making money with my queer artist tendencies.” Andrew reached over to place his hand on Javier‟s arm. Fuck his own issues; he didn‟t like the hurt he could sense in Javier at those words. “They have no idea. I know it‟s family and that‟s bad, but you don‟t deserve that kind of pain.” Javier looked up to meet Andrew‟s eyes, seemingly surprised at the touch and maybe a little embarrassed for spilling his sob story over breakfast. “It‟s just the way they are. I can‟t change it. I‟ve learned to deal with it and not shove it in their faces.” Andrew let his hand rest there for a few more moments, then used it to lift his mug and sip coffee. “What about boyfriends? Never worked out for me, at least not long enough to go to all that pain and travel to England with them.” No. Chaz would have given his parents one coronary each—he was too flamboyant, too selfish, and just plain rude among what he called “normal people.” “A few. I‟m an all-or-nothing guy, I guess. All the relationships I‟ve had were long-term, even if they shouldn‟t have been. The one I thought would work out for good… didn‟t.” He cut himself off abruptly, as if he was sharing too much information. “No one-night stands? No cruising?” Andrew lifted an eyebrow. “How do you meet your guys?” “Some. But honestly, I consider that „nothing‟. It‟s just sex. Just to get off.” Andrew wasn‟t quite sure how to take

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 51 this. Was he “nothing”? Was he something more? They had a rapport; they talked. Javier was open about his life, his past. This wasn‟t just casual. “Different places. Met one in college, one in soccer, the last one in church.” A little embarrassed laugh that Andrew found completely endearing. “Church. Now there‟s a new one. And you had proper, long-term relationships with them? I think I could even see you move in with a guy.” “Not the best idea I ever had,” Javier admitted. “Yeah. Shortest was two years; longest was seven. I lived with all of them. I‟m the domestic type, I guess.” “Wow.” Andrew blinked. “I didn‟t. I mean I could, but… it didn‟t work out.” “I get that reaction a lot. I guess I must scare people off. Not everybody‟s that way. I get it.” “No. I mean, I never found somebody who didn‟t crowd my space. They turn jealous, or don‟t get my job, or move on, or decide two months is some kind of watershed moment to talk about open relationships… and I‟m too jealous for that. I tried, and God, it ate me up.” Javier blinked, surprised. “I did that with the guy in college for a while. It was mostly him being open and me sulking about it. I commit. That‟s what I do. I guess. I guess that‟s why I‟m afraid. I don‟t do the dating thing very well.” There, it was out in the open, Andrew thought. The reason Javier seemed so tense, so careful. He‟d said, in so many words, “don‟t hurt me,” and Andrew felt that like a pressure in his throat. That would be quite a change, him doing the hurting. He didn‟t plan to do that. That much he knew about his immediate future—that he wanted to try this

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 52 with Javier and make sure he didn‟t get hurt embarrassed. He decided to keep this light, easy, joking.

or

“Me, you don‟t have to date. You can just watch me get pulled by your magnetism. But you don‟t feel like you‟re crowding my space, and this room‟s smaller than any at home.” “Weird. That‟s one thing I‟ve been consistently accused of—space-crowding. My workspace eventually spreads out exponentially. You know how to leave me alone when I‟m working. That‟s good.” “Well, I might get undressed where you can see me and tempt you, but that‟s about it.”

“IT

DOESN‟T work when I get really focused.” He knew

Andrew would take that as a challenge. He‟d said he wasn‟t sure, and maybe he still wasn‟t, but it was oddly natural to sit here and discuss the future. They weren‟t doing it in any direct way; there was no “us” or “we,” but there was some silent agreement forming. “Well, there‟s always a cold shower.” Andrew‟s impish grin didn‟t waver, and he picked up his coffee cup, hooking his finger through the loop. “Or I could start without you.” Javier lifted an eyebrow and set his own cup down. “Well, I‟ll give you a hint. It‟s best to distract me before I start working. That way I can give you my full attention. Can I draw you?” Andrew looked startled, and Javier considered saying “It‟s okay, you don‟t have to,” but then his face brightened

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 53 into the look of someone unashamedly flattered. Whatever vestige of shyness had been there before was gone. “Sure! But don‟t make me compete with the guy you were drawing on the plane.” “No competition there,” Javier said wryly. “How do you want me? Want me to pose or strip or something?” Javier considered that for an amused moment, then gestured to the bed. “Strip and make yourself comfortable. Face the window.” He pushed the drapes open a little more, then settled near the side of the bed facing him, with pencil and sketchbook, watching him move, the shift of muscles beneath pale skin. Drawing someone, studying a body so closely, was one of the most intimate things he could think of. He‟d spent many a studio session in college hiding a boner. Male or female model, it didn‟t matter; it was all about aesthetic pleasure. Andrew lay on his side, pillow propping his shoulder and head up. One pale brow furrowed for the first few minutes. He was keeping very still, obviously trying to be a good model. His face as open as a child‟s. Javier could see the thoughts moving through his head, at first very conscious of being naked and somebody studying him, not sure if he should rearrange his body, wondering which part he was drawing. Javier waited, patiently sketching, just for practice while Andrew made himself comfortable. He could see the veil of self-consciousness drift slowly away and the muscles in his face relax. Eventually he relaxed more and entered a state that looked like it was less waiting, more

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 54 introspective, eyes cast down, face more open, more vulnerable. He flipped to a fresh page, as quietly as possible, and began to draw, letting shapes form themselves; only a few lines in the body, mostly curves and planes and shading, except for the eyes. He wanted to capture that expression. “It‟s still snowing,” he said softly, and when Andrew looked up, toward the window, he concentrated on his face. There was a kind of thoughtful intensity in all his expressions that wasn‟t unlike what Javier saw in the mirror every morning. Something he didn‟t often see in others. Everyone in their business had intensity, but they weren‟t usually so contemplative. Once the eyes were finished, pale and shining, the rest was easy. Even when drawing a whole body, it was all about the eyes. In school, he‟d always positioned himself so he could see the model‟s eyes. They didn‟t seem human without them, and it was too easy to shape them like any other stilllife. He wanted that unique humanity. He took his time, enjoying the process, studying the shadows and curves of Andrew‟s body. He didn‟t mind when he shifted position to get comfortable again; it just offered him another view, allowed him to understand the body‟s form that much better. After a while, he put his pencil down and moved to sit on the bed, tugging the blanket over him in an absentminded gesture. “You must be cold.” For a moment, he hesitated, then turned the sketchbook to face Andrew. He managed to tear his eyes away from Andrew‟s face to study what he‟d done. He was always surprised by his own drawings when he looked at them again; they never looked exactly like the real person, always colored by his own

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 55 impression of that moment. He‟d drawn an Andrew who was dynamic in a different way, still and quiet and peaceful, as if calmly expecting someone—maybe a lover. The eyes were the main thing. The expression he didn‟t know how to read, as if he were absorbed in thought, though whether good or bad, Javier couldn‟t tell. He found himself wanting to be able to read those eyes, to know what thoughts went on behind them and to be a part of them. “You made me look good,” Andrew said and placed a hand on his chest. Javier was struck for a moment by the contrast in their skin tones, body types, and everything else. “You‟re beautiful,” he said simply. Of course he was; all bodies were beautiful, and Andrew‟s especially so. Javier found he could stare at it all day, just watch the light play across it. He leaned forward to kiss just below those thoughtful eyes. “You‟re a good subject.” “I‟m your average English ginger.” Andrew grinned, and as soon Javier placed the sketchpad to the side, he pulled him closer. “You‟re wearing too much.” “That can be fixed.” Javier tugged off the sweater and then the pants and boxer briefs, sliding under the blanket with him. It felt unbelievably good just to press skin against skin, no pressure, no rush. And little things, like the smell of that skin, the fine covering of fair hair, reminded him this wasn‟t just any body, either. He was quickly becoming attached to the guy. “Nothing average about you,” he murmured, kissing Andrew‟s shoulder. Andrew put his arms around him and kissed his neck, hair, temple, brow, bodies close together. Javier felt him get

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 56 hard against his thigh. “Seems like we will spend those days in bed, fucking,” Andrew murmured. “Perfect romantic break.” “Like I said—best to distract me before I really get going.” Javier smiled. The way Andrew was so good at distracting him could be dangerous. He pictured himself in the middle of an elevator pitch when Andrew got on, and he‟d lose his train of thought completely. His hand explored Andrew‟s back, the parts he hadn‟t gotten to draw yet, and rested on Andrew‟s ass. “Soccer would make your ass even better. Though it does look great in those jeans.” “If you want to try it on….” Andrew gave him a sultry look, pressing his lips together to keep a straight face, which ruined the effect. “Just to make sure it fits you….” “Where did you get that face, from female porn stars?” Javier laughed. “You‟re sexy enough without that nonsense.” He pushed Andrew onto his back and kissed him, hungry, fierce, almost pinning him against the bed. He swung one leg over to straddle the other man, looking more than a little smug. “Especially like this.” “I could fight you, you know. But I‟d much rather feel you inside.” Andrew affected a thicker British accent. “Bloody colonials…. Condom‟s in my suitcase. Lube‟s on the nightstand.” “I‟m Mexican. I‟m one of the colonized.” Javier kissed him again, then moved just far enough to reach the suitcase and the lube before he returned. He settled between Andrew‟s legs to kiss and lick his cock, not yet taking it in. “How do you like it? Or do you want me to surprise you?”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 57 “Like you want to… make love to me. Just how you enjoy it. We should have some time to learn and refine the technique.” It was more than a little sad that Andrew had never gotten to experience the kind of lovemaking that happened between two people who knew each other very well, had a shared history and understanding between them. They didn‟t have that yet, but he‟d do the best he could. Javier moved up and guided him onto his side, then lay directly behind him. He coated his fingers with lube and teased the entrance; he couldn‟t touch Andrew‟s cock this way, but his teasing fingers made up for it. “I like to do it this way,” he whispered in his ear. “So I can hold you and talk to you while I fuck you. Have you ever actually made love?”

“NOT… not like that. Talk to me. Wow, that‟s kinky.” Andrew leaned back to kiss Javier and gasped when he touched that spot inside. “I‟ll get tested… and when you‟re clean too, we could fuck without rubber. Hate that stuff, but I‟d hate HIV even more.” “Better safe than sorry. Though I do look forward to that.” Javier smiled into the kiss, and Andrew caught that he was talking about a future, a future in which he had some part, and it didn‟t sound like he‟d get the role of fuck buddy or friend. Javier nuzzled the side of his neck, just below his ear, which flooded Andrew with tenderness and warmth. “This feels… easy. Not used to that. Every other time it‟s been hard from the get-go. I thought suffering together was a

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 58 good thing, made the relationship stronger. Guess I didn‟t remember the whole concept of moderation.” “And mine never got deeper than the seven or eight or nine inches.” Andrew leaned back against him. “I won‟t make you suffer. I promise. I just… want you.” “Okay,” Javier whispered, and Andrew wasn‟t sure what exactly he was agreeing to. “Okay.” Javier withdrew his hand, rolled on a condom—it took a minute, because for some reason Javier was shaking a little. More lube, and he pushed inside, one smooth, controlled stroke. He paused there, putting one arm around Andrew, holding him close enough that Andrew could feel his heartbeat. “This is not suffering. Exactly the opposite.” Andrew inhaled sharply. “No. This is good. Feels like that fits fine.” His breath hitched at the tiniest movement of Javier‟s hips. “Tell me what you want,” Javier murmured. “Right now, next month, in five years… whatever. Just what you want.” “Right now, I don‟t want this to stop.” Andrew pressed Javier‟s hand. “Next… month… I… don‟t know.” He‟d have said he‟d want the job thing to turn out well, would have wanted to have a job come February, but he wasn‟t so sure anymore. The resentment was congealing like cooling blood. He was still angry, but the anger was less hurt now and more determination. “Five years… I want to be my own boss, and I want romantic little holidays, and a relationship… and maybe a pair of dogs. Want to bring you coffee into your study. I want… some structure, a routine, I want something, someone… who is there for me.”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 59 There for me. He knew he‟d hit something when he heard Javier draw in a deep breath. That is what you want, too, Javier, he thought, and that made him smile, part wistfully, part tenderly. I can give you that. I want to. Nobody had ever been there for him, not Chaz, and nobody else. But the best way to have something, his mother had sometimes said, was to give it. “Big dogs,” Javier murmured. “They‟d need space. A yard.” “Big garden.” Andrew opened his eyes and smiled. “Now I‟m glad you‟re not a cat guy.” “Who says I‟m not? Got one at home that could kick any dog‟s ass.” Javier began to move, slow and leisurely, as if the sex were only an incidental part of the conversation. Oddly enough, maybe it was. They were connecting, and not just physically. “What‟s its name?” “Capi. Capitan,” Javier said, the full flavor of a Mexican accent coloring his speech for the first time. He tightened his fingers in Andrew‟s, who enjoyed the seemingly casual conversation in contrast to the fucking. “He‟s a New York alley cat. Found him near my brother‟s house in Queens. If he doesn‟t eat you when you meet him, I guess you can stay around.” “I better bring a bribe. God, more.” Andrew thrust back, arched to get more in, offering what he could. Javier caught his breath, body quivering before he obeyed that request, his thrusts becoming a little faster, more powerful, gradually increasing intensity.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 60 “One thing you have to know—I can‟t cook.” “That‟s okay. Told you, I‟m domestic. I‟ll feed you if you do the dishes.” Javier turned Andrew‟s head for another kiss, full of tenderness and lust. “Yeah, you‟ll feed me.” Andrew‟s voice was a rough, suggestive purr, and he let go of Javier‟s hand to stroke himself. Javier laughed softly, nuzzling Andrew‟s neck, nibbling his ear. He put his hand on one hip and held Andrew‟s body still while he fucked him, a combination of quick, short thrusts and slow, powerful ones, claiming him with each movement, fingers digging into skin. “You got it, baby.” Andrew groaned loudly, doing nothing to hide how desperate he was, pumping himself with harsh movements. Not long after, Javier came, pressing his face into Andrew‟s shoulder to stifle his cry. He was quiet for a few moments, just breathing, resting inside him while Andrew continued to stroke himself, before he slid his arm around and clasped Andrew‟s hand around his own cock. Andrew shuddered, jaw tightening, and he came after a few more movements with a sound of lust from deep in his throat, spilling over both their hands, trembling with exertion. “Oh wow,” he murmured, and took Javier‟s arm, holding it tight. “Let‟s do that again.” “You‟ll have to give me a little while. Not as young as I used to be,” Javier teased, kissing his nape. “But I‟m more than willing.” “Didn‟t mean right now.” Andrew gave a contented sigh, grateful for the snow that kept delaying their trip, not just because it put distance between him and a job he‟d already

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 61 lost, but because it kept Javier so close. Still, all their rosy talk might amount to nothing once they left this room, this hotel. Better make the best of it. “Isn‟t this the perfect thing? Watching snow fall while lying so close on the bed? I think I kind of love Malpensa.” “Yeah, me too.” Javier was silent for a little while. “I need a shower. Join me?” “Yeah. Of course.” Andrew disentangled himself and kissed him before following him into the bathroom. Javier closed the glass door behind them. The showerhead transformed the water into gentle, warm rain, and when Andrew bent down to pick up small bottles of shower gel they proved to be surprisingly hard to open with wet hands. He eventually opened one and handed it to him, then opened a second one and started soaping himself. “Who‟s watching the cat when you‟re gone?”

AMUSED that Andrew picked up the thread of conversation as if it had never been interrupted, Javier ran his hands over the man‟s slick body, reacquainting himself with it, massaging the muscles of his neck. “Neighbor. She‟s about the only woman he likes. He‟s a misogynist.” “Maybe he was kicked out by a woman.” Andrew groaned. “You‟re hired.” He stood for a moment, relaxed under Javier‟s hands, then turned to reciprocate. It felt amazing to wash another person and be washed, soaping the armpits and the chest with that nipple piercing and the balls and cock, not quite exploring, even though of

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 62 course that was part of it, a tenderness that wasn‟t about arousing, but intimacy all the same. Javier laughed. “Nice to know I‟ll still have a job if I lose this one.” It wasn‟t anything to joke about, really, but that concern seemed distant, held at bay by the snow the same way their plane was. He gave Andrew little kisses now and again, on the lips, the neck, the shoulder, the brow, the chin, thoroughly enjoying showing the other man a new way to do this. He enjoyed it even more because Andrew wasn‟t in any hurry, didn‟t try to push him away or accuse him of being too clingy. “Not sure what salary I can pay you, but yeah.” Andrew gave a sheepish grin. “You like the agency a lot, huh? I‟ve been thinking about it, doing what I‟ve always wanted to do. Start my own business. Would make it simpler too, since we wouldn‟t be dating at work.” “I‟ve been there fifteen years. I don‟t really know anything else,” Javier said. He was aware that wasn‟t a resounding expression of love for the agency, but he‟d been there long enough to see and experience its flaws. “You‟d be good at the independent thing. They‟ll shit bricks when you leave on your own instead of being shown the door, but they could use a lesson in humility.” Andrew hesitated, as if he wanted to say something else, then shrugged. “I‟ll have to read my contract to see what I‟m entitled to. And talk to a good employment lawyer about any non-compete clauses.” “You would leave. Just like that.” Javier shook his head. “You‟re braver than I am. I guess I‟m settled there. I‟m not good at starting new things.”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 63 “One new start is plenty. As long as it‟s the right thing.” Andrew flicked the water off and stepped close to kiss. Then he reached outside for a bathrobe for each of them. “Well, we‟ll see. They might want to get rid of me anyway. Like you said yesterday, I‟m expensive.” Javier shook his head like a dog inside the shower, leaving his hair unruly. If it got any longer, it would begin to curl. He joined Andrew on the bed again, a little surprised at how long this laziness had lasted. Eventually, he‟d have to work, but he didn‟t have the will. “Then we just start something together.” Andrew ran his fingers through his wet hair, playfully taking a handful of it, and kissed him. “You create, I sell.” Javier made a surprised noise into the kiss. To strike out on his own hadn‟t even occurred to him. “You mean it?” “Absolutely. It would be scrimping and struggling for a while, but then, anything we make stays in our pockets. No lazy bosses taking their cut.” “I….” Javier blinked, unsure; he wouldn‟t be starting one new thing, but two. Changing his life completely. He‟d never been very good at it. “We‟d still be dating and working together. That could spell trouble.” He started to pull back, a little defensive, a lot afraid. What if everything got fucked up? Where would he be then? “That‟s where a lawyer comes in—sets up contracts where we both get half, and if we split up, we just cash out and do something else. Or I could start setting something up, and if it floats rather than sinks, you join me on the boat. By then we‟ll know if we‟re more than awesome sex and sparkling wit.”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 64 The alternative offer made Javier feel better. He didn‟t like the idea of striking out without a lifeline, but then, what was life if not risks? Why could he take the risk of initiating sex with Andrew that had so quickly led to talk of a relationship but couldn‟t make a move toward freedom in his career? Was it any different? He sighed and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. Take a risk for once in your life, Javier. You could have something good here. “I trust your business sense, and I know mine.” “Is that a yes?” Stop being such a fucking coward. Javier looked at Andrew, meeting his eyes. “Okay. Let‟s… let‟s do this.” Andrew stared at him; then a smile formed on his lips— a bright, sunny, almost boyish smile. “You know what? I love you.” Javier blinked, startled to hear the statement that had been whispering in his own head. For how long? He wasn‟t sure. How bizarre was this? They‟d been together for all of forty-eight hours. But the time span didn‟t seem to matter. That smile reminded him of those days in his life when he‟d felt invincible, indestructible, immortal. Like he could do anything he set his mind to, anything at all. That he could be another Roberto Baggio, or find true love forever, or change the world. He laughed, loving the smile and the light it brought to Andrew‟s face. “God. This is so weird.” He stroked Andrew‟s hair back from his forehead. “I love you, too.” “It‟s okay, I won‟t tell anyone.” Andrew pulled closer and kissed him again, and Javier felt strangely at peace, strangely happy, and brimming with plans for the future.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 65 Tonight, they‟d go to church and come back to warm each other up. They‟d spend Christmas together. Of course they‟d fly to Singapore (if the weather ever broke), but it didn‟t matter anymore. All that was now one step further along the way. Right now, all that mattered was that he was with Andrew, close and determined to make the best of it. They‟d make this work. They‟d make work work, and everything else, too.

IT

WAS too bad that the renewed contract with Ms. Li

wouldn‟t save his job, Andrew thought while he watched Javier sleep next to him on the plane. Below, they were just crossing the Mediterranean. Malpensa would always be memories of snow and the smell of incense, and Javier so close in church that they were brushing. Not exactly Catholic thoughts in that place, but Andrew couldn‟t help it. He figured if God existed, he wouldn‟t mind. Then languid love-making in the hotel, Christmas calls, and warming up together. The weather did finally break, and they‟d finally flown to Singapore, discussing the account, and Andrew found work effortless. He was full of ideas and a reckless playfulness that always came out when he thought he knew what he was doing, and he loved his job when it happened. Bullshitting the corporate clown machine, he sometimes called it. He settled back in, one hand on Javier‟s sleeve, feeling his sleepy warmth, resting a little himself, until it was time to get out of the plane. They got a taxi together but

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 66 separated, each heading off to his own flat. Andrew was too jetlagged to miss Javier much. He just gathered up some mail, stripped out of his clothes, and fell into bed. Tomorrow was a workday. They‟d agreed to go to lunch together. Maybe do something in the evening. Still dating, but if anything, the sex had only gotten better with more familiarity. Nothing to prove, no selfconsciousness, like with some one-night stands. Instead that tenderness and leisure that Andrew had soaked up like he couldn‟t get enough. Maybe he couldn‟t. Next morning, he headed into work, only gradually coming back to the reality of that job. The agency. This business trip had felt like a holiday, but he‟d already disconnected, didn‟t care either way about the company or his job. He went there completely mechanical. The agency was now just the place where Javier worked, at least for the moment. He wore his favorite suit, with a backpack he usually took to the gym slung over his shoulder. Once in, he switched on the computer and began to pack the stuff from his drawers into the backpack, giving some things away. Others just went into the bin. All the time, his heart pounded in his throat. When the boss walked past his desk, he knew he‟d be summoned now to get fired. He couldn‟t help smiling as he followed into the meeting room, and he didn‟t care much that the smile stayed around; he couldn‟t help showing his contempt at the whole farce. Just for civility‟s sake, he kept his mouth shut, asked a few reasonable questions about his contract and the non-compete, then took his remaining holidays so he didn‟t actually have to return to work,

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 67 promising that he‟d wrap up everything. everything over to one of his colleagues.

He‟d

hand

And fuck it all. He had several months‟ worth of savings; he‟d be fine during the worst of it. The main thing was that he had his contacts, his wits, and Javier. Everything else would fall into place.

NEWS of downsizing reached Javier almost immediately when he returned to the office, ruining any congratulatory spirit that might have been budding in the wake of Javier and Andrew‟s victory in Singapore. News of who was being “let go” came soon after that, one of those office secrets that stayed secret for .0002 seconds. Javier‟s breath faltered when he heard Andrew‟s name. His first thought was Well, he was leaving anyway, and even if it was true, it ashamed him. Just because he had—they had—been making plans to leave probably didn‟t make it any easier to hear the words, knowing the company didn‟t find him valuable enough to keep. What ashamed him more was the sense of weak-kneed relief that his own job had been spared. He remembered Andrew‟s remark in Malpensa, that Javier was the more expensive one, and realized he‟d been waiting to be the one called into that office. He‟d almost expected it. Being able to stay was an unexpected boon, and before he knew it, Javier was finding reasons to take advantage of it. That worried him more and more.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 68 He met Andrew in the lobby for lunch and wasn‟t sure whether Andrew was garnering furtive looks or whether it was the two of them, suddenly so chummy. He tried not to think about it. “I heard” was all he could think to say. Andrew shrugged. “Their loss, not mine. You okay for lunch? I managed to shake off Patrick. He got the sack, too.” “Shit.” It wasn‟t like Javier to curse, but all of a sudden this seemed very real. “Yeah, okay. Where to?” He left the building, fighting unease that crept up his spine. He had an irrational fear that he‟d come back to his own invitation to speak with the bosses, and he told himself that didn‟t matter, anyway. “Carlo‟s. I‟ve never seen anybody from here around there.” Andrew led the way, but keeping a polite distance, honoring his promise to keep things low key. The bistro served light Italian-style snacks, and from a few words that Andrew exchanged with the guy behind the counter, he was well known here, or maybe had some history with the waiter. Why else would the waiter call him bello? Javier tried to be tolerant of that, to take the harmless endearment in stride, but the longer he thought about the situation, the more temperamental he got, and along with that came jealousy. Don’t be a jerk, he told himself, but what that amounted to was that he didn‟t say much at all until they found a table. “What‟s your plan now?” It came out tersely. “Get through the day without telling anybody what I really think of them, then go home and work on my business plan.” Andrew rubbed his face. “Sorry. I‟m stressed. I knew

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 69 this would happen, but… I guess it‟s more the humiliation that gets me. I hate getting fired.” Javier bit back his first response, which was I wouldn’t know, and wondered when the hell he‟d suddenly gotten so bitchy. “Who doesn‟t?” After a pause he added, “You knew this would happen? When did you know?” “Patrick called me in Malpensa. Said he‟d heard the bosses talk outside the bathroom.” Javier frowned. He wondered, all of a sudden, why Andrew hadn‟t told him. “Any reason why you kept that from me?” Andrew looked up, his eyes widening a little, like he‟d been caught. “Uhm. I wasn‟t sure. You seemed spooked enough. I didn‟t want to burden you with my junk.” “So, what, you decided to talk me into joining you, since you had nothing to lose?” Javier asked. All of a sudden, he wasn‟t comfortable with this at all. He did have something to lose. A lot to lose. “What?” Andrew straightened as if about to bolt. “I didn‟t talk you into anything. I made an offer. I had to sort this shit in my head first before… going any further.” “And I was part of you getting it sorted?” Javier leaned back in his seat, arms folded, his shoulders and jawline tense. “I really don‟t like that you didn‟t tell me, Andrew. I figured this was a hypothetical situation, not an inevitability. But you had the whole story all along, and you didn‟t tell me.” He tried to be reasonable, but he knew he was breaking the number one rule of arguments: Don’t accuse, don’t say you did this or you didn‟t do that. Say I. Fuck that.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 70 Subconsciously, Andrew‟s body took on a similar posture. The mark of anybody who built rapport quickly— they tended to copy gestures, body movements. “You were part of….” Even before Andrew choked off his next words, his voice betrayed hurt. “It hadn‟t happened yet, okay? I thought it might not happen. It was… a thought experiment. But I liked it. It just took shape. I….” He seemed to realize that he was justifying himself and sounding weak. “You know what? Fuck it. Do your shit. Keep bending over for those bastards.” He stood. “I‟ll manage fine alone if you‟re bailing out. Because you‟re terrified. You‟re terrified of fucking everything, of being seen with me, of people knowing we fucked.” A couple guests turned their heads to them. The ugly, nasty, stubborn thing in Javier that he usually tried to keep a lid on surfaced in his defense, and he clenched his teeth to silence it. He remained seated and ignored the looks, though he could feel them. “I have something to lose. My whole adult life. My career. I‟ll be damned if I give that up to somebody who doesn‟t give me the whole story. I didn‟t know what I was getting into. Now I do, and I don‟t like it.” He didn‟t raise his voice, but his entire body trembled with anger. “Fucking hell.” Andrew stared at Javier, then shook his head like a boxer who‟d just taken an uppercut. “Damned, eh? You‟ll be damned. Okay. Fine.” Andrew stepped back, hands raised, his pale English skin flushed with what might have been anger or embarrassment or really any kind of intense emotion. “Sorry for presuming. It‟s not like you have to see me again. Today‟s my last day, anyway. Thanks for the sex. That was nice.” He turned before he could add what was clearly in his tone of voice: fuck you.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 71 “Vete al carajo, zorra,” Javier spat, because sometimes English insults just didn‟t cut it. He immediately regretted it as the door of the bistro swung shut behind him. He slid lower in his chair and pushed his hands through his hair. What the fuck had he just done?

ANDREW didn‟t go back to work. He didn‟t go back to the bistro, either, even though he‟d left his backpack. He went home, wished he‟d not opened himself up like that. Shit. And right after that Chaz debacle, too. Something new didn‟t heal old insecurities or the damage that Chaz had done. He‟d not been looking for anything new. This had just happened, and now it had bitten him on the ass. Fuck. He struggled to remain clear-headed, struggled to understand what the problem was. That he hadn‟t trusted Javier? How? They‟d only had a few days. And after that it simply hadn‟t come up. He‟d needed a little time, goddamnit. Just too much on his plate. New feelings, the bloody client, the whole Chaz thing. What did Javier expect? What had he expected? Over. I don’t like it, Javier had said. Shit, and he‟d assumed… had thought it was just a matter of signing on the dotted line. His plans depended on Javier. He‟d been built in from the start. Maybe because Andrew had felt stronger, more reckless, more daring with Javier‟s presence. As if he really should act on all this. Other boyfriends had never inspired him like that—to stretch, to soar, to follow that impulse, whether in bed or in real life.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 72 Everything fell flat now. The work, the plan, the courage. And I’ll be damned if I let him stop me, he thought, fighting tears that he wished were anger. He‟d show him. Maybe he just had to get away from American men. They just fucked with his head, worse than any of his own countrymen had ever done. It all came down to them being so goddamned superficial. And he‟d thought he‟d seen depth in Javier. A willingness to commit. They‟d all but chosen fucking curtains! He normally didn‟t do that, not so fast and easily. At least he had his keys and wallet in his jacket, so he could get into his flat. And there? Throw himself onto his bed like a heartbroken teenager? He wiped at his eyes, tried not to think of Javier, tried to focus, but all he could think of was the way Javier had sat there, cold and stiff, vibrating with anger, and that had been scary, like he‟d explode into violence. Or maybe he‟d even preferred violence if that made Javier thaw again. It was easier to deal with a man who shouted. Could I have been so wrong? he thought. Could I just get him totally wrong? Then why had Javier acted like that? Maybe to get rid of him, of the commitment, bow out of what he now felt had been a mistake? He remembered a friend, and his story of how a “straight” guy had fallen in love with him, only to turn ugly suddenly and return to his wife and kids. He wouldn‟t go through the same. He wouldn‟t go through any more drama, no more I-hate-you-I-love-you. He wanted something steady, something to rely on, a partner rather than a boyfriend or somebody to fuck. Was that really asking too much?

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 73

JAVIER spotted the backpack when he got up from the table and grabbed it without thinking. He walked back to the office; it was a long walk, but it gave him time to think. Probably too much time. He walked along, eyes front, jaw set, Andrew‟s backpack clenched in his fist. What would he do with it? Leave it at his desk? Would Andrew be there? He probably shouldn‟t risk that, a potential scene in the office. He‟d just leave it with the receptionist. Christ, you goddamned coward, he told himself. Why had he just given that up, pushed it away like it didn‟t matter? He could have had something good with Andrew— something great. Now he had nothing. No, that wasn‟t true. He had his job, still; things were back to the way they‟d been before the trip. This wasn‟t really any different. Just more awkward. More painful. Nobody was surprised to see him come back early from lunch—that was Javier, the workaholic of workaholics—but for once, he left on time, hoping like the bitch he was that he wouldn‟t run into Andrew on the way out. He didn‟t. His cell phone was in his hand by the time he reached the sidewalk. He had no idea who he was going to call until the phone was dialing. Jason. “Dinner?” he asked when Jason picked up. “I kind of need to talk.” Even more awkwardness. They got together to play soccer still, or sometimes to watch a game, but they didn‟t get together just to talk anymore. They‟d never really had enough in common to sustain a conversation that

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 74 wasn‟t about soccer, sex, or their completely opposite views on politics. “Sure. Today or tomorrow or when?” Jason sounded relaxed, somewhat surprised, but seemingly open to hear whatever Javier had to say. “An hour? Whenever you can. I‟m just leaving work.” He didn‟t specify where they‟d go, since they only ever went to the Cuban hole in the wall near the soccer field they‟d frequented. The first time they‟d gone, Jason had just laughed it off when Javier had pointed out that Cuban and Mexican weren‟t the same thing, and it had become a joke between them. “Just drop by. That‟s okay. Want to stay in and talk? I have some beers in the fridge, but it‟s not enough to get properly drunk.” “Yeah, okay. That sounds good. Let me go home and change, and I‟ll bring something. Thanks.” Javier hung up and hurried home to feed the cat and change his clothes. He felt bad darting in and out when poor Capi had been alone for days, but Capi couldn‟t talk back to him, and he needed that right now. It was almost half an hour on the subway to Jason‟s apartment, and another twenty minutes to swing by the liquor store on his way there. He picked up a bottle of tequila, complete with limes and salt, and headed up to Jason‟s apartment a couple of blocks away. Jason opened the door for him in an expansive mi casa es su casa gesture and closed the door behind him. He didn‟t jump on Javier—first took his coat and hung it up—but was

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 75 clearly waiting for an explanation or a start. “You look like you have bad news. How bad is it?” Javier blew out a breath between pursed lips. “Well, let‟s just say I messed up a potentially good thing. Not just messed up. Probably ruined.” He let himself drop onto the couch. “Are you ready for this? This is me admitting I screwed something up.” “Well, you bring tequila, so that means selfpunishment.” Jason grinned. “I have some food in the oven, thought you might want to stay in, depending.” He checked his watch. “Twenty minutes. Want a drink first?” “Yeah.” Too restless to stay sitting, Javier went to the kitchen to cut the limes and pour tequila. “Sorry in advance for barging in and getting all confessional.” Jason smiled at him and leaned against the worktop. “So, what‟s this good thing? A guy?” “A guy, a new life… both.” Javier passed him a shot glass, then salt and limes. After they‟d both drunk, he said, “I went on a trip to Singapore with a colleague. We slept together.” He let that sink in for a minute, knowing Jason would either be shocked or amused or both that Javier would do something so unprofessional, before he continued. “It sounds stupid, but I fell for him. He said he was thinking about leaving the agency and starting out on his own, and he wanted me to go with him. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but I didn‟t think it would actually happen, you know? At least not right away. Come to find out, he knew he was going to be let go all along. He was going to pull me with him.”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 76 “And what was the problem? I mean, okay, I see some mixed signals here.” Jason shrugged. “On one side he‟s trusting you enough to want to start a business with you. In this economy, and on the other side, he‟s not telling you that that‟s pretty much the only thing he can do right now. How did you mess up?” “When I found out he knew all along, I backed out. I basically told him to fuck off.” “And he did.” Jason shook his head slightly. “Right? Because I can‟t see you fall for a doormat, and everybody but a doormat has enough pride to tell you to fuck off, too.” “Yeah. That‟s about the size of it.” Javier pulled a pen from his pocket and fiddled with it for a second before he asked, “Got a piece of paper or something?” “I‟ll get some from the printer.” Jason returned after a minute with several white pages. “So, do you need an intermediary or an excuse to go to him? Provided you still want him. Just maybe keep the business stuff separate. That‟s an awful lot to saddle something new with. I mean, you‟re definitely the type who builds something together, but still.” “Yeah, I still want him.” Javier sat down at the breakfast bar and began to sketch, not looking up at Jason while he spoke. “I don‟t know what‟s up with me. This could be a really good thing, business-wise and relationship-wise, but I‟m too much of a coward to do it. He didn‟t have a plan, just a daydream. He was like one of my designers. Exciting, sure, but how am I supposed to give up fifteen years for that?” “He‟s not the only one who has his signals all messed up. You‟re contradicting yourself, too.” Jason rolled his eyes.

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 77 “Could you afford falling flat on your face? What‟s the worst case scenario, apart from you being bored and disenchanted—as you are—and you guys breaking up—as you have—and both unhappy about it—which I extrapolate from this.” Javier kept silent for several minutes, just drawing, thinking. He didn‟t want to admit that Jason was right, but he‟d come here because he knew Jason would tell him what he needed to hear rather than what he wanted to hear. But the stubbornly scared part of him rebelled still. “My career is the one stable thing I have. I‟ve fallen flat on my face everywhere else.” “You‟re pretty high up in the food chain, though. Spinning out is the logical next step. Of course you want to do it with good people you trust, but it wouldn‟t diminish you. It might be a good time to do it, too. The big guys are floundering. Small, quick outfits could snap up jobs and customers that fall by the wayside. Depends how adventurous and entrepreneurial you are. The way I see it, this could be an opportunity to create the role around you rather than you conforming to it.” How adventurous and entrepreneurial you are. Javier looked up, his pen going still. He knew that was a challenge, especially coming from Jason. “Bastardo,” he said, scowling. “You know that‟s way easier said than done.” “Absolutely.” Jason sounded downright cheerful. “Could you go part time? Four or three days a week? Glide over? What would make you feel better about it? Where‟s the real problem, Javier?”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 78 Javier sighed and went back to drawing, now scowling down at the page. “It‟s me. I don‟t know if I can do this, Jason. I‟m too much of a coward. He‟s right. I‟m terrified of every fucking thing.” How was it that Andrew knew him so well after only a few days? How would it be to have someone who knew him that well and who wasn‟t afraid to call him on it, someone who might accept him anyway? But there was that word, might. Andrew might not take him back at all, and Javier couldn‟t blame him. “Change is always scary. Coming out. Graduating. Getting your first job. Anything you can do to make it less scary?” Javier would have preferred it if Jason wasn‟t so reasonable about the whole thing. He made all of this sound simple and easy, when it was anything but. He made a frustrated sound in his throat and scratched a line across the page that nearly tore a hole through it. “If I knew what was going to happen. I may not like my life right now, but at least I can predict it.” “That‟s what you have savings for. You know, there‟s no insurance against failure, but you could be run over by a car tomorrow. What would you want to do today if you had to die tomorrow?” Javier stilled again, his chest unexpectedly tight. Andrew‟s face floated into his mind, wearing that bright smile he‟d worn when Javier had agreed to break away with him. It had been an irresistibly romantic notion then, and Javier was nothing if not romantic. Would it really be so bad to take a risk? What was love if not risk? “I‟d go see him.”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 79 Jason did nothing to hide the grin. “Invite me for dinner some day. I want to meet your wonder boy.” “That‟s assuming he‟ll take me back after I showed my ass,” Javier said. Suddenly, the idea that Andrew might not take him back was intolerable. Even more terrifying than being with him. Javier clenched his hand around the pen, struggling to control his emotions, but Jason knew him too well for that venture to be entirely successful. “Hey.” Jason stepped closer, opening his arms but not touching. “You‟ll be okay. Just tell him what you told me… and if he doesn‟t take you back, he‟s no guy to have a relationship with, anyway. We have to forgive sometimes.” Javier studied him, his eyes stinging and his throat dry. “You are such a hippie,” he said hoarsely, but he twisted to face Jason. His pride wouldn‟t quite let him move in for a hug, but he wouldn‟t turn one down. He needed some sort of contact, to know he hadn‟t screwed up every connection he‟d made. “Yeah, I am.” Jason came closer and put his arms around him, giving him a strong, solid, compact hug. “I could drive you over.” Javier sighed into the hug, readily surrendering to it once Jason touched him. “You‟re going to railroad me into it anyway so I can‟t back out, aren‟t you?” He was a hippie, but a pushy hippie. “Well. I was going to get the food out of the oven, maybe feed you if you‟re interested, and then drive you over.” “I could eat.” Javier pulled away and surreptitiously wiped his eyes. He needed a little while to calm down, and eating always had a calming effect. Something about the act

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 80 of taking sustenance. He‟d learned that in some conference or other on food advertising. “Okay. You get plates and cutlery, and I dish up.” Jason plucked the oven gloves from their hook, slipped them over and opened the oven to pull out the food—in this case, assorted bites he‟d likely bought frozen, savory filled samosas, his version of Italian bruschetta, and probably his signature dish, which was chicken bites covered in cheese and sweet curry. Perfect for an evening in front of the plasma TV. Since they‟d broken up, Javier had discovered that Jason was great for just hanging out, no pressure, no demands. He was one of the few people who could (and did) put up with Javier‟s darker moods. At least, when they weren‟t dating. Javier let himself relax a little bit, eating and watching TV like it was any other night, though little flashes of Andrew kept surfacing: his smile, the line of his neck and shoulder, a hot breath in his ear, pale skin flushed with desire. It felt strange to daydream about someone else with Jason sitting next to him, but he was only half-conscious of it. Gradually, a flutter that was half anticipation and half fear made him restless. Jason licked some crumbs off his fingers, no selfconsciousness about it, not seductive, just relaxed, before he wiped them on his napkin. “I‟ll get the car keys. I‟ll wait outside. Just call me or text me if you‟re going to be okay.” Javier stood and stretched, watching him. They‟d never worked out as lovers, and Javier had been too frustrated with him after they‟d broken up to think about friendship, but Jason really was a good friend. And Javier had

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 81 discounted that for a long time. “I appreciate it. I really do. You‟re a pal.” Jason grinned at him and touched him on the shoulder. “Next dinner‟s on you. I‟d really like to see you stupidly and domestically happy with some guy who has the balls to slam a door in your face when you need it, you pig-headed drama queen.” He winked and opened the door. “Let‟s go.” Javier rolled his eyes. “Watch it, pendejo.” He plucked his coat off the hook and headed downstairs to Jason‟s car, focusing his mind on Andrew. That was how he worked best, setting his whole mind on a problem, and he couldn‟t think of a more important problem than this. Ironically, it was a fairly short drive, and thanks to Jason‟s navigation system, they didn‟t get lost, either. Not a lot of time to bolster one‟s courage, or lose it again. Jason just parked opposite the door and made encouraging noises, indicating he‟d wait. Javier just sat for a few seconds in silence, eyes closed, sending up a little prayer. God, help me not screw this up again. He glanced at Jason in silent thanks, then got out of the car and went to the lobby. He found the intercom button for Andrew‟s apartment and pressed it, then took a deep breath. “Yes?” “It‟s Javier. Can we talk?” A few seconds silence; then the door opener buzzed. “Sure. Come up.” “Thanks.” Javier hurried to open the door before it locked again and climbed the stairs. The elevator would

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 82 probably be faster, but the idea of standing still even for a few seconds didn‟t appeal to him. He knocked lightly on Andrew‟s door when he reached it. The door opened to reveal a slightly rumpled Andrew, who looked like he‟d been asleep in jeans and T-shirt, the room behind him mostly dark apart from a little light that was either a dimmed lamp or maybe candles. The jeans were riding low on his hips, seductive, but Andrew didn‟t seem to be aware of it. He glanced down at Javier‟s hands, then raised an eyebrow and opened the door further to let him in. Javier‟s breath caught at the sight; he loved to see Andrew disheveled like that. No. Focus on the moment. He lifted his eyes to Andrew‟s face, and his words came out in a rush. “I‟m an asshole.” “God, I‟m used to that.” Andrew gave a little laugh. “It‟s always assholes who break my heart but good.” “I didn‟t want to do that.” Javier shook his head, clenching his jaw, willing Andrew to understand. “You‟re right. I was terrified. I am terrified. But I‟m more scared of losing you.” Andrew swallowed dryly, looking suddenly vulnerable. “I… was asking too much, too soon. I get carried away, sometimes.” He pushed his hands in his pockets, widening the gap between jeans and T-shirt. “It‟s too easy getting carried away with you.” Javier wanted to reach out, desperately, but he didn‟t know if it would be welcome. Especially after the insult. Zorra. Slut. “I don‟t…. Getting carried away was what scared me. I just can‟t jump into business without planning. But

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 83 this, with you, it isn‟t business. It‟s different. God, I don‟t know what I‟m trying to say.” Andrew studied him for several long moments. “Means you‟re willing to date? We could take it slow, like we were planning to. Less office fling and more… I don‟t know.” The vulnerability, that young boy look that he sometimes had, didn‟t wane. “Relationship?” Javier took half a step closer. “That‟s what I want. That‟s what I really, really want.” “Yeah. Me too.” Andrew pulled both hands out of his pockets and gave a lopsided smile, as if trying to downplay the emotion that was only too visible in his face. “A friend tried to get me out of the house and go to a bar or something, but I didn‟t feel like it. Haven‟t felt like it for weeks now. I just remember how we did it, how you did this to me, what was going on with my feelings and all that.” He drew a deep breath. “Not making much sense here.” “This doesn‟t make much sense.” Javier dug in his pocket for his pen but realized he‟d left it on Jason‟s kitchen counter. Jason. “Hold on just a second.” He pulled out his cell phone and called Jason, making the conversation as brief as possible. “My ex,” he said when he hung up, in the interest of transparency. “A friend. He slapped some sense into me.” Andrew stepped closer, eyes meeting Javier‟s, moving deliberately as if he were taking a major risk by touching, but he did it all the same, one hand against Javier‟s neck. “Okay. Forget about the business side of things. How do you want to handle this from now on?”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 84 Javier tilted his head into the touch, drawing steadiness from it. Before he realized it, he put his hand on one trim hip. “I just want to be with you. I want to get to know you. I want what you said in Malpensa—to come home to you every night and just… be. Whatever else is going on.” Andrew smiled, the same bright, happy smile that Javier liked so much. “Okay. Hope you won‟t be too envious of my life of leisure from now on. Well, or at least while I‟m in the start-up phase. Because I‟ll do it.” “About that.” Javier swallowed. “I still think it‟s a good idea. It wasn‟t ever that I didn‟t like the idea. I just… need some sort of security. Maybe I could help you part-time, at first. That way, we‟d have some guaranteed income right off the bat.” Thank God for Jason‟s suggestion. Maybe the agency would find a reason to fire him for double-dipping, but that would make his decision that much simpler, at least. “We.” Andrew tilted his head as if listening to an echo. “I like the sound of that. We‟ll work on the details. I‟m sure we can make it work.” His fingers caressed Javier‟s neck. “Thanks for coming back.” Javier‟s heart contracted, and he stepped forward to put his arms around Andrew, hugging him fiercely, almost desperately. His voice, when he spoke, was ragged. “I didn‟t know if you‟d take me back after….” After what I said. “You didn‟t deserve it.” “Maybe it‟s good I don‟t speak Spanish.” Andrew held him tight, face against the side of Javier‟s neck, inhaling deeply. “Doesn‟t mean I won‟t learn some.”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 85 “You‟ll have to, to get along with my family. They switch back and forth a lot.” Gradually, Javier began to relax in the circle of Andrew‟s arms, realizing that he wasn‟t going to run—that Javier hadn‟t driven him away again. Holding him and being held felt so incredibly good and so right, he never wanted to give it up again. “Okay.” Andrew chuckled. “And risking you thinking less of me, but would you like to stay tonight? I actually like making-up sex. It‟s the best part of the fight.” “Why would I think less of you for that?” Javier pulled back long enough to kiss him, a fierce, desperate kiss that showed how much he needed Andrew. “Since we just started dating….” Andrew‟s light tone was colored with the same need, and his breathing got slightly faster. “And…. Oh fuck it, I‟ll just take you to bed.” He brushed off Javier‟s jacket, dropped it over a nearby chair, and led the way to the bedroom, which was lit by one lamp on the nightstand casting warm yellow light across the room. His large futon hadn‟t been made up yet, and there was only one pillow. But that should do. Javier pulled Andrew back against his chest, hands roaming, face pressed into his neck. He pulled off the T-shirt and paused to admire the slender chest with his eyes and hands, ever the distractible artist. “God, you‟re beautiful.” “All milk and red honey, yeah.” Andrew grinned, pleased and flattered, hands slowly opening the buttons of his jeans, movements very deliberate, almost self-conscious. “Couple rules. If you do break up with me, mean it. No… up and down and up again. I had that. I didn‟t like it. I won‟t do that again.”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 86 Javier slid his hands down beneath the waistband of Andrew‟s jeans, resting his hands on his lower belly for a moment. “No, not that. If I have a problem, I‟ll tell you. And you‟ll give me the whole story, even if it might not matter, even if I won‟t like it.” “Full disclosure,” Andrew agreed, pushing his hips slightly forward. “I‟ll talk. That‟s okay. I… just want you to do that again. Make love. Like we did. I‟m done messing around.” “I‟m not messing around.” Javier‟s voice dropped to a throaty whisper, and he pushed the jeans and briefs down, pressing against Andrew‟s back as he took his cock in hand. “I want to stay with you. For as long as we can manage it. For good.” “Yes.” Andrew groaned and pushed back and barely remembered to step out of his jeans. “For damn good,” he muttered, placing his hand around Javier‟s. “I want you to fuck me, and then I‟ll fuck you, and then more of that. Do you have to be in for work tomorrow?” “I can go in late… or maybe not at all.” Javier smiled, picturing his team‟s expressions if they heard the boss was taking a personal day. “I‟ve got more important things to do. You.” He gave Andrew a gentle push toward the bed and shed his own clothes to crawl in after him. “Sounds like you got your priorities in the right order.” Andrew laughed and pulled off his socks, then stretched out on the bed. “You‟re the sexiest guy in the world.” Javier laughed. “You‟re full of shit.” He crawled across the futon and pressed Andrew down for another kiss,

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 87 possessive and needing. “I just… need you. So much. I hope I don‟t get too clingy.” “I‟ll let you know.” Andrew smiled up to him and trailed his hands down Javier‟s front, half exploring and half teasing. “But it sounds like a nice change to what I had. Guess I‟m just ready to settle down somewhat.” “Ever think that would happen?” Javier pulled back to look into his eyes with the forthright, direct look some people took as aggressive. “I‟m hitting my thirties in a couple months. Isn‟t that the normal age to settle down? I thought so. Lots of my friends are married and already spawning.” Javier‟s mouth opened in surprise, and he gave a little incredulous laugh. “You‟re not even thirty yet? For God‟s sake. Well….” He gave a wry little grin. “Maybe we can adopt someday.” “A cat and a couple dogs. Maybe funding a bunch of orphans in Africa, that‟s it. I‟m just too selfish.” Andrew grinned. “And you look like thirty-three, thirty-four?” “Almost thirty-seven,” Javier said. “I have more gray hair than you can see right now.” He slid down Andrew‟s body, kissing his chest and stomach, distracted again with the way the light played on his pale skin. “You‟ll have to support me in my old age.” “I fully intend to sexually exploit a senior citizen, then.” Andrew laughed and ran his hands through Javier‟s hair, squirming a little. Javier grinned and pushed Andrew‟s thighs apart, kissing and nibbling. This was less make-up sex than re-

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 88 acquaintance sex, but this was good, too. He enjoyed seeing how far he could tease Andrew. “That sounds really dirty.” “It is…. At least the way I picture it. You know—all the fun things. Random blowjobs and sex first thing in the morning, and against the wall…. Yeah. You‟ll get exploited a lot. Mercilessly.” Javier‟s breath hitched, and his hands tightened on Andrew‟s legs. “Merciless. I like the sound of that.” He leaned in and ran his tongue along the underside of Andrew‟s cock, from base to tip, then took the tip in his mouth. Andrew gave him a dirty grin, but the effect was ruined somewhat when he groaned. “Option‟s still open. I could start with that treatment right now. Maybe not right now, but….” “At this very moment, I have you.” Javier returned that grin, then closed his mouth around Andrew‟s cock again, opening his throat to take him to the root. He held Andrew‟s hips firmly, not controlling but embracing. “Oh fuck,” Andrew breathed, clearly struggling to not just grip Javier‟s head and thrust into the heat. Every muscle in his body was now taut, skin flushed, face betraying nothing but need and openness, an odd kind of trust, willing to give everything he had in return for this pleasure. Javier loved that complete surrender, the honest trust and willingness. It made him want to give his own trust in return. Trust, and most definitely love. He moved his head slowly, pressing his tongue along Andrew‟s cock, giving it the thorough attention it deserved. One palm flattened on

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 89 Andrew‟s stomach, his thumb stroking, far more intimate than just a blowjob. Andrew‟s fingers tightened in Javier‟s hair, but he could do nothing more than moan, free hand stroking Javier‟s shoulder. His legs were open, and he visibly struggled to let Javier do this at his own leisure. “You could get me off like that… but what about you?” “I could just enjoy the hell out of getting you off,” Javier murmured, pulling back just long enough to speak. He took Andrew‟s balls in one hand, pressing gently against the dam, something he‟d found drove Andrew wild. “I love watching you.” “Okay, next time I bring a camera.” Andrew‟s breath came faster now, and it must have taken a major amount of willpower to push Javier‟s head away gently. “No. I‟ll have… I‟ll have you. I really want you.” Javier smiled, eyes heavy-lidded. “Can‟t argue with that. How do you want me?” “On your back. Let me get… stuff.” Andrew stretched out toward the nightstand but didn‟t quite reach it, which made him curse softly and then crawl toward the nightstand, where he got lube and condoms. Javier laughed and pounced on him, pulling him back against the bed, arms pinned to his sides. He closed his teeth gently on the juncture of neck and shoulder. “In a hurry?” Andrew pushed up, taking the challenge as it was meant, bringing a leg up to rub against Javier‟s cock. “I have all night.”

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 90 “That‟s right.” Javier ground against that leg, making a satisfied sound in his throat. “And you can have me… maybe.” A wicked grin. “Note to self: more push-ups.” Andrew laughed, which wasn‟t a great idea if he was trying to turn the tables. “I can hope you want to get fucked bad enough that you‟ll let me win.” “You‟ve already figured out my buttons.” Javier kissed him, then released him and rolled to the side onto his back, stretching leisurely. “It‟s hard not to let you win when you talk like that.” Andrew laughed and rolled on top, lowering his groin so their cocks brushed and he rubbed against Javier. “Could get off like this, too. But that‟s not what I promised.” Javier put his hands on Andrew‟s ass and squeezed, teasing and goading. “Time for that later…. You wanted make-up sex.” “Yeah.” Andrew dipped low to kiss Javier‟s lips, an intense, hungry kiss, before he pushed Javier‟s legs up. Balancing himself, Javier‟s legs, and the lube and condom took almost more concentration than he had, but he managed, and there was only a little preparation—two lubed fingers pushed in. Then Andrew stroked the lubed hand down over his cock before he shifted position enough to push in. That, though, was slow, as if to tease them both. “Okay… forgiven,” he muttered breathlessly. Javier started to laugh, watching Andrew‟s concentrated frown as he maneuvered, but the laugh turned into a groan when he felt the fingers and then the larger, very welcome intrusion. He pushed back against it, surrendering,

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 91 desperate to give all of himself to Andrew. “Good. Now fuck me like you‟ve missed me.” “I… have.” Andrew pushed in, and deeper, shifting Javier‟s legs so that he could get in as deep as was possible. Andrew‟s eyes were now gleaming with need, and more, an odd tenderness, almost possessiveness, that bled through into his movements, slow, deep strokes, almost more sweet and tender than passionate, but that might be his way to calm down again and step away from the edge. Javier‟s hands wandered up, caressing Andrew‟s back and shoulders and coming to rest on either side of his face. He looked back into that tender gaze, his own face filled with too many emotions to count, or even to name. When he fell, he fell hard, but now he felt safe in this, in Andrew. He couldn‟t have said why, but he knew it was true. “Missed you, too. I love you, you know.” Andrew smiled at him, then turned his head to kiss Javier‟s wrists. “I know. And I… you, since about… Christmas.” He sped up a little, shifting positions to stimulate Javier more, eager to give him what he could and— maybe—make him lose control. It was a bit of a game and would always be one. “Jason, my ex, said he wants to see me deliriously happy with a guy who isn‟t afraid to slam the door in my face.” Javier‟s breath hitched when Andrew hit just the right spot, and he curved his spine deliberately to drive himself mad. “Guess he‟ll get the chance.” Andrew laughed. “I slam a mean door.” “You‟re gorgeous when you‟re mad, but I can‟t do much about it with a door between us.” Javier leaned up to kiss

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 92 and nibble his neck, finding the sensitive spots he‟d stumbled across, just teasing, one evening in Malpensa. “You‟re too coherent.” Andrew groaned, moving faster and harder, gradually fanning his own need until it was completely a matter of willpower not to give in and finish them both. The teasing worked—there was just no way he could resist that. They knew each other already, and he loved that. Sex with a stranger could be a thrill, but actually knowing a lover was a very different thing. Javier had been told that before, sometimes in an accusatory tone; he had too much control, he couldn‟t let himself go, he was like a robot. All those things had been said at one time or another, depending on how angry his lover at the time had been. But being with Andrew eroded his control. It was the earnestness and the honesty with which Andrew did everything; he held nothing back from Javier and simply didn‟t let Javier hold back, either. Just watching the fair face and neck flush with desire, feeling the body tremble beneath his hands and feeling the pulse race against his lips, was just as arousing as the stimulation. Then Andrew opened his eyes again, and the love and intensity in them made every ounce of Javier‟s control collapse. He made a half-surprised, half-desperate sound and clung to Andrew with one arm, pumping himself mercilessly with the other. His head fell back against the mattress as he came, shuddering and gasping Andrew‟s name. Andrew pushed into his tightening body, clearly losing himself slowly and not caring one whit about it. The touches, thrusts, kisses became frantic, until he came, too, sharing

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 93 that moment in another deep, desperate kiss, then smiled and ran his hand down Javier‟s side, flank, to the hipbone. “Javier,” he murmured softly, as if that was really all he wanted or needed to say. Javier smiled back and pulled Andrew against him, not caring about the extra weight, welcoming the contact. “You had me on the plane. I should have known then I didn‟t stand a chance against you.” “On the plane? I did nothing on the plane.” “You were you.” Javier shrugged one shoulder. “I just… knew.” Andrew kissed Javier‟s collarbone, his throat, then his chin, and his lips. “I wanted you a long time, but… I didn‟t care much about you until that hotel. Didn‟t think it could happen.” “What did I do?” Javier wondered, bemused. “I mean, besides molest you in the middle of the night.” “You… made love to me. Like I mattered.” Andrew pressed his lips together for a moment. “I think that about broke me.” Javier‟s lips parted, and he was silent for a few seconds, his throat tight. “Of course you matter. Who ever told you you don‟t?” “God, life… other people. Quick fucks… the way Chaz treated me. That‟s my ex. Not as nice as yours. Thankfully, his Facebook status indicates he has found a new stupid idiot.” “Facebook? God.” Javier rolled his eyes. “So he was that type.” Not that he was judgmental. “Listen. We‟ve both

Transit | Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov 94 screwed up, made bad choices, but maybe it doesn‟t matter how many bad choices we make as long as we eventually make the right ones.” He brushed a hand through Andrew‟s hair. “I think I made the right one with you. You matter to me.” Andrew shifted and rolled to his side to hug him close. “I can feel that,” he whispered. “Best business trip I‟ve ever had.” Javier smiled. “Me too.” He yawned. “Want to come back to my place? Should probably go back and feed the cat.” “Okay. I‟ll just pack some T-shirts and stuff.” Andrew rolled out of bed and did away with the condom, then offered Javier a hand to pull him up and embrace him for another long moment. “And tomorrow, we start on that doorslamming thing.”

About the Authors

RAEV GRAY is an itinerant academic who seems to have gotten stuck in the Midwestern United States. She makes a living teaching, tutoring, and studying writing; in other words, being a complete academic masochist. Her teaching often spurs on her own writing, both academic and fictional. Raev has written urban fantasy, historical, M/M, and contemporary fiction, sometimes combinations of several of the above. She loves to explore the depths of the soul, with all of its paradoxes, its triumphs and failures, its beauty and ugliness. Her characters often struggle to find redemption and are always fighting against themselves as much as each other. She is a chronic multitasker, and at any given time, she usually has five or six different things on the burners. Every once in a while, she finds time for knitting, photography, art, and the Academic Infatuation of the Week. She does too much, and she wouldn‟t have it any other way. Visit Raev at Twitter: http://twitter.com/raevgray; LiveJournal: http://raevgray.livejournal.com; and Facebook: Raev Gray. You can contact her at [email protected].

ALEKSANDR VOINOV is an emigrant German author living near London where he makes his living as a financial journalist, freelance editor, and creative writing teacher. He has published five novels and many short stories in his native language. His genres range from horror, science fiction, cyberpunk, and fantasy to contemporary, thriller, and historical erotic gay novels. In his spare time, he goes weightlifting, explores historical sites, or meets other writers. He single-handedly sustains three London bookstores with his ever-changing research projects and interests. His current interests include bonsais, tailored suits, chess competitions, World War II, Afghan history, Roman emperors, and Russian oligarchs. He loves traveling, action movies, and spy novels and ponders taking up boxing. Visit Aleksandr's web site at http://www.aleksandrvoinov.com and his blog at http://www.aleksandrvoinov.blogspot.com.

Also by ALEKSANDR VOINOV

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Copyright

Transit ©Copyright Raev Gray and Aleksandr Voinov, 2010 Published by Dreamspinner Press 4760 Preston Road Suite 244-149 Frisco, TX 75034 http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors’ imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Cover Art by Paul Richmond http://www.paulrichmondstudio.com This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines, and/or imprisonment. This eBook cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this eBook can be shared or reproduced without the express permission of the Publisher. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press at: 4760 Preston Road, Suite 244-149, Frisco, TX 75034 http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ Released in the United States of America November 2010 eBook Edition eBook ISBN: 978-1-61581-680-4