You Magazine, May 02 2010

SUPPLEMENT OF THE YEAR 2 MAY 2010 THE MISTRESS WHO SAVED A ROYAL MARRIAGE RESTORATION DRAMA When builders put the hamme...

Author: Sue Peart (editor)

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SUPPLEMENT OF THE YEAR 2 MAY 2010

THE MISTRESS WHO SAVED A ROYAL MARRIAGE RESTORATION DRAMA When builders put the hammer into family life ‘WE’RE MADE UP!’ YOU readers get a drop-a-decade makeover

MYLIFE MORE ORDINARY

BROOKE SHIELDS ON COMING TO TERMS WITH HER CONTROVERSIAL PAST

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Contents 02.05.10 you.co.uk

FASHION AND BEAUTY 8 10 14

19 21 24 34

Fashion forward Here come the wow-factor wedding looks… Mimi Spencer says howdy to the Americana trend; plus, click your way to chic Flash forward This season’s standout dresses fuse futuristic forms with funky fabrics Style notes Pep up your summer staples with sassy spots and stripes Beauty news Fabulous floral fragrances for fans of heavy petal Make-up masterclass Jemma Kidd shows us how to blush up our acts We’re made up! Four 40-something readers in desperate need of a youthful wardrobe shake-up get the magic makeover treatment

FEATURES 28

33 38

40

44

My life more ordinary Hollywood starlet Brooke Shields has put her childhood of showbiz exploitation behind her and is enjoying motherhood and second-time marriage In a taxi with…political commentator Andrew Marr Restoration drama Elusive builders, crayon on the Farrow & Ball… How novelist Polly Williams’s house renovations tested her patience – and her marriage – to the limits Brave art Your chance to bid for the inspiring artwork of children with life-limiting conditions, and their siblings, which is being auctioned to raise funds for the hospices that help them The mistress who saved the royal marriage As the king’s lover and ‘woman of the bedchamber’ to the queen, Henrietta Howard had a difficult but crucial role to play at the court of King George II

HEALTH AND RELATIONSHIPS 48

67 73

To have, to hold and to financially support? While their partners take time out to chase their dreams, a rising number of women are becoming the sole breadwinners. But at what cost? Health notes by Sarah Stacey Your problems answered by Zelda West-Meads

LIVING 52

The Hix mix Top chef Mark Hix has spiced up his tasteful terrace

FOOD 58

Tips included We make the most of the asparagus season

REGULARS 7 23 68 70 71 72 74

This life by Emily Woof Things you don’t know about…voice coaching YOU Gallery Reading group This month’s choice YOU crossword Horoscopes by Sally Brompton Liz Jones’s diary Editor SUE PEART Deputy Editor CATHERINE FENTON Art Director LINDA BOYLE Picture Director EVE GEORGE Assistant Editor (features) ROSALIND LOWE Chief Sub Editor CATHERINE SHEARGOLD

New ﬂash!

For the season’s most directional dresses, turn to page 14

Northcliffe House, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TS Main switchboard: 020 7938 6000 you.co.uk

COVER: BROOKE SHIELDS photographed by SHERYL NIELDS. THIS PAGE: photograph by CHRISTIAN AMMANN. DRESS, Peter Pilotto, from net-a-porter.com. TIGHTS, Charnos, from ﬁgleaves.com. For styling credits, see page 17

T H R E E T I M E S A W I N N E R AT T H E B R I T I S H P R E S S AWA R D S

NEXT.CO.UK

TOP £25

SHORTS £20

WELLIES £25

SUNGLASSES £12.50

THIS LIFE EMILY WOOF

hen I was 22 I decided to become a trapeze artist. I can trace the roots of this sudden and, some might say, extreme decision back to my childhood in Newcastle. I spent a lot of time upside down: I watched TV in a headstand on the sofa; I cartwheeled and backflipped whenever there was room. I’d spend hours on a rope tied to a tree in our back garden, swinging and clambering around like a monkey. During the summer after my finals at Oxford, I had to have an operation to remove an ovarian cyst. It was out of the blue, and as I was lying in hospital, physically weak and vulnerable for the first time in my life, I had my revelation: I would become a trapeze artist. It was as though my body, by pure instinct, had made the decision: it longed to be strong again after the surgery, to fly through the air, to swing upside down, to defy gravity. From my hospital bed, I found the name of a circus school in Bristol and booked myself in for a trapeze course. I cancelled all my other plans, and within four weeks, I had begun my new career. My teacher was a tiny woman called Carol. She had been one of Billy Smart’s trapeze artists. She’d had to give up performing after breaking her neck in a fall, and she wore a permanent neck brace. I didn’t see this as a bad omen at the time. If anything, the sense of danger it exuded thrilled me. Carol was not from the alternative circus scene. She was hardcore traditional. Hers was a world of showmanship, of legs in tights and high-cut spangly leotards. She taught me how to do neck hangs, hair hangs, toe hangs, and how to smile through the pain. My best discipline was the swinging trapeze. My favourite was back-somersaulting, letting myself fall backwards through space to catch the bar with my ankles upside down at the last second. It was all about timing. If you thought too much about it, you’d miss the moment, and fall. Trapeze artists generally agreed that landing on your head was best avoided, as it could be fatal. I was Carol’s keenest pupil, and trained eight hours a day. My hands became red raw from holding the trapeze. She showed me how to use friar’s balsam (cough mixture) to cauterise the pain and to help build up calluses. I would pour the brown sticky mixture straight on to the flesh and watch as it bubbled and sealed itself with a powdery white skin. The pain was fierce, but part of the addiction. The heady mix of endorphins and adrenalin

DEBRA HURFORD BROWN. WITH THANKS TO CIRCUS SPACE, THECIRCUSSPACE.CO.UK, TEL: 020 7613 4141. *TO ORDER A COPY FOR £10.99 WITH FREE P&P, CONTACT THE YOU BOOKSHOP ON 0845 155 0711, YOU-BOOKSHOP.CO.UK

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YOU 2 MAY 2010

made me feel high and exhilarated. My muscles became hard like rocks. I had steel wires running down my belly. My shoulders were like a man’s. After two months I could do 20 pull-ups, 30 leg-lifts, and hundreds of press-ups. I lived in digs in a run-down part of Bristol called St Werburghs. I didn’t have much money to buy food, but I needed protein every day. I would go to the butchers and get sheep’s livers at 30p each, dice them and fry them up with salt. I didn’t deliberately cut off my friends and family, but as all I thought about was how to refine my latest trapeze trick, I saw virtually no one. I was completely obsessed. Towards the end of my four months’ training Carol asked if she could train me for lucrative international competitions. She saw that I had the required zeal. I was deeply flattered and considered it very seriously. Soon after that, I had my first injury – a couple of squashed ribs from a bad fall – and finally Carol’s neck brace seemed like due warning. The course was over. I left Bristol and moved to London where I carried on training, but also started writing for theatre. I wrote whole sections that could only be performed on a trapeze. I had some success and performed at arts festivals all over the world – Edinburgh, Quebec, Hong Kong, Adelaide. My work led me into film and TV acting [The Fully Monty, Oliver Twist], and then writing prose. My life as a trapeze artist ended. I have always struggled to find a balance between my need to write and my love of physical expression. The main character in my first novel, The Whole Wide Beauty, is a woman who misses the life she once had as a dancer. I know her story was influenced by my time as a trapeze artist. Like her, I miss the freedom and the supreme focus. Unlike her, occasionally I dream I’m still high up on a circus rig, holding the bar and launching myself into the air. My trapeze is up in the attic. Perhaps it’s time to get it out and turn upside down again. The Whole Wide Beauty by Emily Woof is published by Faber & Faber, £12.99*

It was as though my body, by pure instinct, had made the decision: it longed to be strong after surgery, to ﬂy through the air

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FASHION FORWARD KATIE LESTER

FLOWER GIRL

CLOCKWISE FROM BOTTOM LEFT: CARDIGAN, £34.50, Bonnie Baby, bonniebaby.co.uk. HEADBAND, £8, Monsoon, monsoon.co.uk. SOCKS, £6 (for pack of two), Mamas & Papas, tel: 0845 268 2000. DRESS, from £34, and SANDALS, £8, both Next, tel: 0844 844 8939. DRESS, £260, D&G Junior, from alexandalexa.com. SKIRT, £14, Vertbaudet, tel: 0844 842 0000. TOP, £18, Cath Kidston, tel: 0845 026 2440

A marriage MOTHER OF THE BRIDE

IN HE

We’ve matched eight key pieces to give

CLOCKWISE FROM LEFT: HEADBAND, £18, Accessorize, tel: 0844 811 0068. SANDALS, £40, Dorothy Perkins, tel: 0845 121 4515. DRESS, £69.99, Fever, tel: 020 7636 6326. COAT, £69, Marks & Spencer, tel: 0845 302 1234. BRACELET, £30, Pied A Terre, from House of Fraser, tel: 020 7003 4000. BELT, £114, By Malene Birger, tel: 020 8969 4441. JACKET, £110, Phase Eight, tel: 020 7371 5656. SKIRT, £199, Jaeger, tel: 0845 051 0063

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YOU 2 MAY 2010

BRIDESMAID

CLOCKWISE FROM ABOVE LEFT: TOP, £35, Next, tel: 0844 844 8939. CARDIGAN, £30, A Wear, awear.com. SKIRT, £38, Lipsy, lipsy.co.uk. HAIRBAND, £30, Rock ’n Rose, rocknrose.co.uk. DRESS, £18, George at Asda, tel: 0500 100055. SANDALS, £460, Aruna Seth, tel: 020 8773 7859. RING, £8, Jon Richard, jonrichard.com. BAG, £25, Accessorize, tel: 0844 811 0068

made in

AVEN

MAID OF HONOUR

every wedding belle the wow factor

FASHION ASSISTANT: SINEAD O’CONNELL. STILL LIFES: TOBI JENKINS

Selected items are available to buy online at you.co.uk

CLOCKWISE FROM ABOVE LEFT: SKIRT, £39, Preen at Very, very.co.uk. JACKET, £70, Dorothy Perkins, tel: 0845 121 4515. NECKLACE made with Crystallized Swarovski Elements, £185, Gabriela Pires, tel: 020 7434 3444. TOP, £45, Pied A Terre, from House of Fraser, tel: 020 7003 4000. BAG, £25, Marks & Spencer, tel: 0845 302 1234. DRESS, £175, Per Una Speziale at Marks & Spencer, tel: 0845 302 1234. SANDALS, £535, Gianmarco Lorenzi, tel: 020 7493 2906. HEADBAND, £25, Marks & Spencer, tel: 0845 302 1234

YOU 2 MAY 2010

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HOW NOW

FASHION FOR LIFE MIMI SPENCER

CHIC TO CLICK

ROY ROGERS ALERT: REIN IT IN, GIRLS!

well-dressed kid on the fashion e-tailer block. Founded by former investment banker Lauren Lewis, online

E

of Humanity, toy with Current/Elliott – whatever. Once you know, you’ll know.) You might also entertain the idea of a denim shirt, or perhaps one of Stella McCartney’s button-through denim skirts (but only, I cannot stress enough, if it doesn’t remind you of your Auntie Valerie way back in 1983, when she wore hers with big sunglasses and wooden mules and looked exactly like Deirdre Barlow off Coronation Street). As you can see, the challenges are many with this bonanza of Americana. My advice is to go easy rather than opting for the all-you-can-eat approach. A slim-build checked shirt worn tight over a chancey bra would do the trick. A hint of fringing (not a lot, mind, you are not a three-piece suite). Some suede (not chaps!). A pair of high-top sneakers (to be worn with everything; if the mid-heeled kitten doesn’t grab your fancy this season, then high-tops are your default shoe). If you have the legs of Daisy Duke, you might even attempt a pair of cut-off denim shorts. If your legs are more Slush Puppie than Long Island Iced Tea, don’t do this. Go instead for longer cut-offs, stopping somewhere reasonable and charming between mid-thigh and knee. The aim is to look as though you’ve emerged from a Ralph Lauren ad circa 1992. A bit preppy, as if you have an MBA from Harvard and a house in the Hamptons. It’s a far more approachable taste of America than going the whole hog with the ranch-hand look. You can access a hint of the cowgirl in, say, Christopher Kane’s gingham, but the touch should be ironic rather than literal. Once you find yourself lassoing your lunch, you’ve gone too far. The point of it all – and this is something that should influence your every fashion move this spring – is that everything’s casual, easy, functional. It’s a utilitarian season, rather than a decorative one. So put down that rhinestone belt and pick up those jeans. We’re done here. Laters, see y’all, keep it real. E-mail Mimi at [email protected] 10

Studios boasts luxury goodies from established faves such as Sass and Bide and exciting new names such as

JESSICA SIMPSON IN DAISY DUKE CUT-OFFS

Anna Wintour’s protégée Gryphon.

CHRISTOPHER KANE

You might entertain a button-through denim skirt, but only if it doesn’t remind you of your Auntie Valerie back in 1983

boutique Glassworks

NECKLACE T-SHIRT, £150, Gryphon, from glassworks-studios.com, tel: 0845 410 0110

GIVE US A CREW Luxury US easy-wear brand J Crew is touching down on British shores courtesy of Net-aPorter. One of America’s best-kept fashion secrets (until now), its collection of go-to dresses, relaxed outerwear and elegant go accessories is set to this on rm sto a down side of the pond. KA, DRESS, £530, and PAR £98, both J Crew, from net-a-porter.com, tel: 020 3471 4510

It’s darling

CANDLE, £28, Daisy de Villeneuve for Liberty, tel: 020 7424 6118 YOU 2 MAY 2010

REUTERS, CATWALKING.COM. HOW NOW WORDS: KATIE LESTER

rm, howdy. And yee-ha! I think those are the appropriate greetings. Perhaps a ‘Yo!’ would be appropriate, or a ‘wassup?’ If you haven’t yet noticed, Americana is very big at the moment. It’s not just the casual sportswear – all that stretch and grey marl and Kids from Fame stuff that’s been hogging the limelight for months. It’s a more down-home look, a look that might drink root beer and smell of hominy grits, which enjoys line dancing, steer wrestling and packing a Glock 17 for church on Sundays. What this really boils down to, should you wish to engage, is an awful lot of denim. If you dare, you can do double-denim – that’s tops and bottoms, head-to-toe, the whole enchilada – but I wouldn’t if I were you. The risk of looking like Dolly Parton is simply too great, despite the fact that every third fashion editor has caught a whiff of the trend and is pushing it hard. Personally, I’d ignore them all. That said, denim is one of your key routes to successful dressing this spring; and first up, you need a truly awesome pair of jeans. (Buy high – if you never have, then it’s high time. Start with Hudson, graduate to Citizens

There’s a new, very

FASHION CAROLINE BAKER

Flash forward There’s nothing remotely retro about this season’s standout dresses as designers push form and fabric combinations to exhilarating new heights Photographs CHRISTIAN AMMANN

14

YOU 2 MAY 2010

OPPOSITE PAGE COTTON AND SILK TAFFETA DRESS, £1,377, sizes 6-14, Peter Pilotto, from net-a-porter.com

THIS PAGE SILK AND LACE DRESS, £390, sizes 8-16, Sportmax. SANDALS, £495, sizes 3-8, Burberry. TIGHTS, £5.10, one size, Pamela Mann, from mytights.com ➤ For stockists, see page 17

YOU 2 MAY 2010

15

SILK TULLE AND NET DRESS, £935, sizes 8-14, Yong, from Liberty

16

YOU 2 MAY 2010

JERSEY DRESS, £255, sizes 8-16, Sportmax. SANDALS, £230, sizes 3-8, Pura Lopez. TIGHTS, £40, one size, Bebaroque, from Liberty Fashion assistant: PHILIPPA BLOOM Hair: NINA BECKERT at Soho Management using Bumble and Bumble Make-up: C.ANN using Mac and Alpha-H Model: FREDDY at Models 1 Photographer’s assistant: SIMON DICKINSON Set: THEME TRADERS party planners. For other party theme ideas, visit themetraders.com

STOCKISTS BURBERRY, tel: 020 7806 1303, burberry.com LIBERTY, tel: 020 7734 1234, liberty.co.uk PURA LOPEZ, tel: 01327 856858, puralopez.com SPORTMAX, tel: 020 7518 8010 All prices were correct at the time of going to press

YOU 2 MAY 2010

17

STYLE NOTES

2

ANNA FRIEL

1

3

KATE MOSS

TALK

BEYONCE

TILDA SWINTON

PEP

BETTINA VETTER

A stash of sassy spots and stripes is the speediest way to summer-up your wardrobe 4

REX. STILL LIFES: TOBI JENKINS

8

YOU 2 MAY 2010

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9

10

7

1 SCARF, £25, Freemans, tel: 0844 556 4444. 2 NECKLACE, £16, Accessorize, tel: 0844 811 0068. 3 CLUTCH BAG, £79, Hobbs, tel: 0845 313 3130. 4 PLAYSUIT, £35, Jane Norman, tel: 020 7659 1225. 5 PLAYSUIT, £29.99, River Island, tel: 020 8991 4904. 6 DRESS, £129, Hobbs, tel: 0845 313 3130. 7 DRESS, £159, Reiss, tel: 020 7473 9630. 8 SANDALS, £525, Balenciaga, from Matches, matchesfashion.com. 9 SKIRT, £45, Oasis, tel: 01865 881986. 10 SEQUINED T-SHIRT, £12, George at Asda, tel: 0500 100055

Selected items are available to buy online at you.co.uk

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BEAUTY NEWS SARAH BARCLAY

Darling buds

Get in the mood for summer with these fabulous floral fragrances

Romantic rose oil gives Eaudemoiselle de Givenchy a nostalgic edge, while fresh Japanese basil and lemon undertones maintain a youthful allure. £39, tel: 01932 233824

A classic concoction of orange, bergamot, cedar and rose, Penhaligon’s Orange Blossom was created in 1976 and has now been resurrected from their library of timeless florals. £95, tel: 0800 716108

Uplifting notes of vetivert and patchouli infuse Elemis Eau de Parfum, £35. Their first foray into fragrance, it captures the essence of Elemis and smells every bit as good as the brand’s fabulous face and body range, with a mix of beautiful botanical essences from across the globe. Tel: 01278 727830

with a hit of Givenchy 2009 Amarige Mimosa, a bewitchingly sweet twist on their classic Amarige fragrance. Indian mimosa petals give this special-edition scent a sensuous, vintage feel. £66, from Harrods, tel: 020 7730 1234 STELLA MCCARTNEY

GORUNWAY.COM. STILL LIFES: GRAHAM PEARSON

Escape to India

Bittersweet orange blossom inspires Eau de Fleurs Néroli – just the thing if you want a pretty floral that isn’t too complicated. Clean, luxurious and intense, it’s one of three new single-note fragrances from Chloé. £75, tel: 0800 083 6312 Selected items are available to buy online at you.co.uk

YOU 2 MAY 2010

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things you don’t know about... VOICE COACHING

It’s election time and our politicians are leaving nothing to chance in their quest for your vote – Nick Clegg, David Cameron and Gordon Brown voice their opinions on the first election debate even the way they talk. Voice coach Philippa Davies, who has worked with two prime ministers, lifts the lid on Westminster’s elocution secrets An attractive voice is powerful PR It can change the way people react to you and make them want to spend time with you. Some politicians – Nick Clegg, Tony Blair and David Cameron – have worked that out. Others, such as George Osborne, need help so they don’t sound strident under pressure. It isn’t a matter of being ‘false’, because your voice is as unique as your fingerprint. All I do is give people the tools to improve their vocal fitness. The rest is up to them.

Posh accents aren’t always a turn-off David Cameron has a rich, buffed look and we’d soon rumble him if he tried to change his accent. His voice is pleasant but posh, so what he needs to do is convince us that he understands ordinary people.

Nick Clegg has quite a light voice It hasn’t got a lot of authority behind it, but our ideas of authority are changing. We like people who listen and are conversational. In the TV debates, Clegg is not as aggressive, nor does he try to dominate like the other two. He sounds reasonable and affable – a Tony Blair type.

We’d vote for Colin Firth His voice has a self-effacing, considerate quality and is very right for now. I’d recommend him as a role model to male politicians, who often find it easier to copy a real person than to do voice exercises. When John Major wanted to soften his nasal twang and appear more convincing, I asked him to imitate a character he admired. He opted for TV’s Dr Finlay, a friendly country GP who’d sound reassuring even when breaking bad news.

Newsreaders get it right They sound authoritative because they speak in short sentences with plenty of pauses. They also drop the pitch at the end of a phrase, which shows they don’t expect anyone to disagree with what they say.

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Think cello, not violin Margaret Thatcher had coaching to make her voice less shrill. You can do that by increasing the resonance, repeating sounds like ‘oo car gah’ which work the muscles at the back of the mouth. This enlarges the space there and lowers the pitch so the voice becomes deeper. Unfortunately, Margaret Thatcher also started to speak too slowly, which sounded patronising.

AP, WORDS: LINDA GRAY

Preaching is strictly for church Putting too much stress on individual words, as Harriet Harman used to do, sounds dogmatic and teacherish. The best communicators today are relaxed, conversational speakers who can connect with the public. Presidents Obama and Clinton – even George Bush in his own kooky way – understood that. So did Tony Blair, who has a cheerfulness that in the early days of New Labour made Britain seem sparkly and new. It’s something Gordon Brown lacks. He has a good, strong voice but he often sounds tense and gives an audible intake of breath, which makes his speech sound effortful, not fluent. YOU 2 MAY 2010

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MAKE-UP MASTERCLASS

GLOW TO GO

JEMMA KIDD

FIND YOUR FORMULA Cream, tinted gel and mousse blushers give a softer, more natural effect than powder formulas. They also last longer, so they’re perfect for the warmer months. The moisturising effect makes cream blush a great choice for mature skin too, as powder can be ageing.

GET GLOWING

THE RIGHT HUE FOR YOU

● Apply blusher once you’ve applied all your other make-up – that way you’ll be able to see how strong or subtle it needs to be. ● Smile to find the apples of your cheeks. Position your blusher here and blend upwards and outwards, along your cheekbones and towards your temples. ● I like to use a brush as it creates a sheer, natural effect. Try my Jemma Kidd Pro Flat-Top Foundation Brush (£20, from spacenk.co.uk) with cream blush or Shu Uemura Natural Cheek Brush 17 (5, £35, tel: 020 7240 7635) with powder. ● Liquid tints tend to dry quickly, so apply straight on to your cheeks and blend quickly with your fingertips.

FAIR SKIN Soft peaches and pinks will lift pale complexions. Try No7 Blush Tint Cream Blush in Blossom (1, £9.75, from boots.com) or Benefit Posietint (£23.50, benefitcosmetics.co.uk). OLIVE SKIN Tawny rose shades work well with olive tones. I like Clinique Blushwear Cream Stick in Shy (3, £18.50, clinique.co.uk) and Bobbi Brown Blush in Brown Berry (£16.50, bobbibrown.co.uk). DARK SKIN Opt for fresh, bright shades of lilac, plum and raspberry pink. I like Illamasqua Cream Blusher in Ravish (2, £16, illamasqua.com) or L’Occitane Peony Facecolour Powder in Nuage Rouge (£12.50, uk.loccitane.com).

1

My secret 2 3

4 5 E-mail Jemma at [email protected] 24

Creams and tints are great multitaskers. Blend a touch of liquid tint or cream blush on to lips and cheeks, apply a coat of brown mascara and you have a gorgeous ‘no-make-up’ look in a flash. My Jemma Kidd Rosy Glow Lip and Cheek Tint (4, £20) is perfect.

YOU 2 MAY 2010

CAMERA PRESS. STILL LIFES: TOBI JENKINS

Look brighter and fresher in an instant with my guide to summer blusher

6pm. Our dinner party. Losing track of time with friends. My ECCO is Bouillon Sandal. ecco.com

LYLE & SCOTT

YVES SAINT LAURENT

DIOR MAX STUDIO

TWEEN

PIED A TERRE

TED BAKER

LE CREUSET

LOVE MOSCHINO

FRED PERRY

EASTPAK PAUL & JOE SISTER

STEFANEL

HUDSON

WAREHOUSE

ACQUA DI PARMA

MINT VELVET

CARVELA

DAY BIRGER

ARMANI JEANS

J LINDEBERG

MIMCO

GANT BOSE

APPLE HUGO BOSS

KAREN MILLEN

VICTOR & ROLF JOSEPH JOSEPH

PRADA

LA PRAIRIE

RODIAL

DIESEL

MICHAEL KORS

G-STAR

KENNETH COLE

LULU GUINNESS

COVERSTORY

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rooke Shields has a healthy respect for the humdrum. Every day, she walks her two daughters, Rowan, six, and Grier, four, from their New York apartment to school. ‘We don’t take cabs. It’s a long walk but those are some of the best conversations I have.’ She reads them Harry Potter at bedtime. She participates in parent-teacher social events, such as last night’s Western hoedown. ‘I’m allowed to be just one of the mums. Everyone connected with the school has welcomed me in such an equal way.’ Recently, she took her daughters and their friends to a preview of her latest movie, Furry Vengeance – a roistering family ﬁlm that melds computer-generated trickery and old-fashioned slapstick. The plot concerns forest animals outwitting property developers, and during it Brooke (who plays Tammy Sanders, opposite Brendan Fraser as her developer husband Dan) suffers many pratfalls and indignities. ‘Children love this movie. When I fell off the bed – [my daughters and their friends] thought that was very funny. When I got hit in the face with the meat – they liked that scene, too. At the end, they’re saying, “Can we see it again?” I was like, “Yes, you can, actually – I can arrange that.”’ So she is a mum, but a mum with added cachet? ‘It’s funny because there’s one kiss at the end of the movie between me and Brendan and there was an audible “Eurgh! That’s not Chris!” from one of my daughters’ friends. [Brooke is married to the comedy scriptwriter Chris Henchy.] It was so cute. They see me every day at school, but right now I’m kind of cool.’ It could so easily have been so different. As a baby, Brooke was fast-tracked on to a show-business path mapped out by her mother Teri Shields: a stage mother so terrifyingly blinkered, she allowed her daughter to be photographed nude at the age of ten and to play a child prostitute in Louis Malle’s Pretty Baby at 12. Teri also okayed the pubescent provocation of Brooke’s 1980 appearances in the remake of Blue Lagoon and the Calvin Klein jeans ads. The signs of distress were obvious. Reacting against that early sexualisation, Brooke fashioned herself into a poster-girl puritan, remaining a virgin until the age of 22 (when she dated TV Superman actor Dean Cain at university). Sex, she now admits, had always been ‘taboo and scary. There was no way I was going to have sex just for the pleasure of it.’ In fact she only really relaxed about it after becoming a mother. Early on, she gravitated to other child stars, and ‘dated’ Michael Jackson (his term – it surprised her when he used it to Oprah) in her teens. Today, at 44, Brooke Shields is handsome: same tumbling hair as in her dewy prime, same luxurious eyebrows. In her stilettos, she is 6ft 6in; she’s wearing a draped jersey T, big jewellery, the skinniest of jeans. She has a charming range of conversational gambits – developed to deal with the alienating effect of her beauty, perhaps. She has irony in abundance, and analyses herself with the ease of someone familiar with therapy. Does a woman need conﬁdence to do comedy? ‘You’d think so but personally, for me, comedy has been the thing I’ve resorted to, even as a child. I would be the class clown, the one who would fall purposely just to raise a laugh. I don’t think you can survive in this industry without a dark sense of humour. ‘Actually, I don’t think I had a sense of self. I did whatever it was that would mean you’d like me. That’s all I needed.’ She put her career on hold at the age of 18 to study French ➤ 28

YOU 2 MAY 2010

‘I’m proud that I’m

STILL HERE’ Brooke Shields survived a childhood of showbiz exploitation to face divorce, postnatal depression and now her mother’s diagnosis with Alzheimer’s. As her new film hits the cinemas, the mother of two talks to Louette Harding about fame, family and finding happiness

Photographs SHERYL NIELDS

YOU 2 MAY 2010

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From far left: with Matt Prokop in Furry Vengeance; with her mother Teri, husband Chris Henchy and their daughters

terrifying place that must be – seeing things nobody else sees… What an isolated existence, because your perception is unlike anybody else’s.’ She recently moved Teri to assisted-living accommodation. ‘You take away the alcohol, and you’re still not able to reach a person – I don’t know what to blame it on any more. One of the reasons I wanted to have more than one child was so there wouldn’t just be one to deal with me,’ she adds, before retreating into facetiousness. ‘Because I intend to make it very difﬁcult for them when I’m older. Why not?’ The marriage to Agassi was the shipwrecked clinging together of two survivors of pushy parents. He has been scathing about it in his autobiography, and while she is – characteristically – more gracious, she admits they should never have wed. But she gained conﬁdence from the marriage, reinventing herself as a comic actress, and very soon after it ended she met Chris Henchy, whom she married in 2001. ‘What I’ve built for myself with my husband and my children, I feel so strong with it. I made really healthy choices.’ She suffered nuclear postnatal depression after Rowan’s birth, with suicidal urges and violent visions of harm to the baby, so her current life in the city where she grew up – even though her husband spends Monday to Friday in Los Angeles for months at a time – offers an oasis of calm routine. In the 1990s she starred in the TV comedy Suddenly Susan, and has since appeared in series such as Lipstick Jungle as well as various ﬁlms and musical theatre (Chicago in London in 2005). She says, ‘I’m most proud of the fact that I’m still here and creating opportunity for myself.’ She is proud of her 2004 performance in the Broadway musical Wonderful Town and has had plenty of time to intellectualise her old ﬁlms, acknowledging the artistic merit of Pretty Baby. But discussing the photographer Gary Gross, who took the nude photographs of her at ten, she is unexpectedly heated. The image was later included in an exhibit by artist Richard Prince, which the Tate Modern withdrew from display on police advice last year. ‘I loved that, because the original photographer is now a dog walker: he lost all his money – he’s a scumbag. The fact that Richard Prince is making millions from it and that it’s so controversial is, to me, the biggest justice. I didn’t have a problem

when I did it [but] as a mum, I wouldn’t subject my children to that. I talk to mine about everything. When they’re old enough, I will say, “Was it a mistake? Probably. Would I do it again? No. But did I come through it? Did I learn from it?”’ Despite her public sexualisation of her daughter, Teri insisted on a conventionally ‘innocent’ childhood for Brooke, and it’s a style of parenting Brooke is reproducing with her girls: ‘I force them to play pick-up sticks and dominoes.’ But there is a key difference, she says. ‘The older one plays soccer. She was goalie and three goals got past her. Didn’t matter to her. If that had been me, I’d have been checking into soccer clinic; I would never let myself forget it. The freedom of not having to be perfect is the biggest gift I could give my daughters. I certainly never had it.’ So how is she managing the messy imperfections of real life? She hoots with laughter, discussing the compromises of marriage. ‘Infuriating each other – that’s what it is to be in any kind of long-term relationship!’ Her recipe for working motherhood looks neat enough. When she was making Furry Vengeance near Boston last summer, the girls were in New York with Chris but visited the set. Yet she also says, ‘I don’t think I ever manage anything to my satisfaction – I’m always striving to be better,’ and even jokes, ‘Now I’m getting the chance to do projects I want, and I’m not able to do all of them because of those damn kids! The ambitious actress in me is thinking, “When they were little I could take them anywhere. It was still all about me!” And now it’s not all about me, it’s a little upsetting. But I wanted these babies; I’m going to let them live with me for a while longer.’ She drops the teasing tone and talks further about the pain of turning down projects. ‘It hurts, but the long run is so much more important. ‘Being “famous”, I could justify that taking of things from me – freedom, anonymity – a lot. But I wouldn’t let it take my education away and I wouldn’t let it take my future away, and I always knew I wanted my future to involve a stable family with a good man and children. I wasn’t going to let this craziness – this being famous – jeopardise it. And I am starting to give myself credit for my character, because it could have gone the other way – I could have become a statistic.’ y Furry Vengeance will be in cinemas from Friday YOU 2 MAY 2010

AUGUST, MATRIXPHOTOS.COM

literature at Princeton University. ‘And it was this whole new territory: to think for myself, to realise I actually did have an opinion. Education is the one thing that can’t be challenged or taken away from you. And you wear it like armour – or I do.’ She says she didn’t miss out on childhood. ‘I never went to [stage] school and I only made movies in the summer.’ But she also hopes her children don’t fancy acting. ‘They need to just be kids for the period they have.’ So clearly she is conﬂicted about her upbringing. Her parents were a total mismatch: she – working-class with ambitions; he – snobby-middle with inhibitions. They met in a New York club, and when Teri announced she was pregnant, Frank pressured for an abortion. When she refused, he did the decent thing, but walked out when Brooke was ﬁve months old. Teri would wait outside Frank’s apartment with Brooke, waylaying him. ‘He was forced to get to know me. And I grew on him. But he was sort of awkward, and that I became famous made it even harder for him to identify with me.’ She laughs. ‘My mum was…great, you know…she was a crazy alcoholic but she was also ﬁerce in protecting me. You can argue it was paradoxical because she also put me out there in controversial ways – and there’s nothing I can do about that – but there was a moral base that she somehow taught me, even if it was, “Don’t do as I do.” What I could rely on was her commitment to me.’ Frank Shields was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2001 just as Brooke was beginning the IVF treatment that culminated in her ﬁrst daughter. They were both prescribed Lupon, which affects hormone production – a sad coincidence to bond over. ‘When I went to Princeton we had parallels because he went to an Ivy League university too. He became more comfortable with me. And then, when he got sick, I was the one everyone went to. Nobody wanted to go to the hospital. My father’s family is very closed; feelings get held in and people start drinking scotch at three in the afternoon. I am the opposite of that, so they came to me. Finally, it got to a point where he could look at me and not feel we were separate. He could go, “This drug makes you feel crazy, doesn’t it?” I guess he needed that.’ He died before Rowan was born. Brooke ﬁnally put the possessive Teri at a safe distance through a ‘starter’ marriage in her 30s to Andre Agassi. She credits him with giving her the conﬁdence to break free. But she still feels ﬁlial duty. Teri Shields, 76, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s last September. ‘I’m kind of in denial. I haven’t arrived at any healthy place yet, to be honest.’ Even watching as uncomplicated and jolly a ﬁlm as Furry Vengeance made her pause for thought. Dan Sanders – the only one who knows the animals are conspiring against him – is assumed to be batty. ‘And I’m thinking what a

‘The freedom of not having to be perfect is the biggest gift I could give my daughters. I never had it’ YOU 2 MAY 2010

31

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In a taxi with…

Andrew Marr In election week, the political commentator talks rioja, running and Desperate Housewives Interview MAUREEN PATON Photograph RICK MORRIS PUSHINSKY

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I

have picked up Andrew Marr from an awards ceremony where this industrious BBC star has been honoured yet again for a career that seems to be taking over our airwaves. After ﬂying back from Tokyo where he’s been ﬁlming some of his latest BBC1 documentary (a series about cities, entitled Metropolis), the political journalist has been covering the General Election in BBC1’s Andrew Marr Show and Radio 4’s Start The Week. Then he’ll be off to America to make a BBC2 programme about JFK. A chatty ﬁgure who has put the popularity into being a polymath, Andrew looks set to become as big a TV globetrotter as Michael Palin – with a similar female fan base. ‘I have never been as funny as Michael Palin – he’s a genuine national treasure and has such a lovely face. So I am oblivious to and incredulous about the fan thing. When I ﬁrst started in TV, somebody said I had a great face for radio. I’m getting a bit haggard now – and a style icon I am not,’ insists Andrew. A lean and boyish-looking 50, he says that ‘one of the great privileges of being a male presenter is that we have the advantage of just putting on a grey sack of a suit.’ Yet my mention of Marrsy’s growing female following makes him blush. He turns almost as red as the beard he once wore as a leftie graduate who failed an all-day interview to be a BBC trainee, after he drank too much beer at lunchtime and fell asleep in the park (‘I arrived bathed in sweat, my mind a complete blank,’ he says). True, the wing-mirror ears and the windmilling arm movements YOU 2 MAY 2010

seem to be borrowed from Wallace in Wallace & Gromit, but the designer cheekbones and warm brown eyes make a surprisingly cute package. And it’s no wonder the Queen – about whom he is set to make a documentary series, for her diamond jubilee in 2012 – reportedly told an equerry she had to remind herself not to confuse Vladimir Putin with ‘that BBC chappie’. She wasn’t the only one: Andrew tells me how he once ‘got lost in the Kremlin and was saluted by military guys who went white when they saw me.’ Our cabbie, Neil from St Albans, is driving in a Southwest London suburb where Andrew lives with his wife, political journalist and radio presenter Jackie Ashley, 55, and their three children – Harry, 20, Isabel, 18, and Emily, 15. He’s just written the foreword to Who’s In Charge?, a lively new reference book for primary-school children (and hazy adults) about how politics works – and how to argue back against the system. Yet he admits rather sheepishly that his own children are ‘not much interested in politics – I think they’ve had it too much at home’, and confesses that the subject causes he and Jackie, daughter of Labour peer Jack Ashley, to ‘disagree quite a lot’. Luckily they can let off steam with a shared passion for marathon running. But the cheery doggedness of his interviewing style makes him a tenacious ankle-nipper rather than a trouser-biter. ‘I do have a sunnier temperament than Jeremy Paxman and I’m not a Welsh terrier like John Humphrys – I’m a Scottie, a highland terrier,’ says Andrew. So how does he relax, apart from ‘lying on the sofa,

‘I do have a sunnier temperament than Paxman and I’m not a Welsh terrier like John Humphrys – I’m a Scottie, a highland terrier’

drinking rioja and eating cheese’ (another Wallace connection here)? He watches Desperate Housewives. ‘I’m not a closet fan, I’m out and proud. Gaby is my favourite character – she’s got such a vicious tongue; she’s shameless and selﬁsh, and yet you always come back for more.’ A bit like politicians then, eh? Andrew admits to a soft spot for such ‘big beasts’ as John Prescott, Ken Clarke and Peter Mandelson – ‘even though I’ve been the morsel in his talons’. As for the party leaders, he thinks that David Cameron ‘knows how to use the media. Gordon Brown can be witty and graceful in private but ﬁnds it much harder with a camera, and Nick Clegg comes across as a nice guy but has got to show passion.’ I drop him off for a jog along the Thames towpath, as he mock-protests, ‘I have to keep training for the election – more running and less drinking. Rats!’ Who’s In Charge?, with a foreword by Andrew Marr, is published by Dorling Kindersley, £10.99* 33

BESTOFTRENDS

High style

REUNION 34

YOU 2 MAY 2010

From left: Jane, Caz, Su and Liz post-makeover

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he last time they had so much fun with fashion it was 1984 – perms were in, white stilettos were hot and everyone fancied Adam Ant. Twenty six years on and old schoolfriends Su Cowell, Caz Roberts, Jane Sherwood and Liz Jochum found themselves once again giggling like teenagers and dressed to wow, this time around courtesy of TV stylist Mark Heyes, international make-up artist and star of 10 Years Younger Lisa Eldridge and top hair stylists Jamie and Sally Brooks of Brooks and Brooks. ‘It’s like falling into a TV screen,’ said Su, who was responsible for this YOU makeover, having written to the magazine asking for style assistance: ‘We’d all lost touch after school, but recently we’ve found ourselves living nearby again and reunited. We are all successful and happy, but we share a common problem: knowing that 40 is meant to be the new 30, but in reality feeling 50!’ All four women, who had gone to school together in Dorset, had experienced the kind of life changes that, at least in our book, provide a more than adequate excuse for a new wardrobe: Liz, who has two teenage daughters, returned to Dorset last year following a divorce, and having spent the past 20 years in Switzerland, where she’d set up two schools. She’s rekindled a romance with a former teen sweetheart of hers who now owns a country pub and has therefore made the switch from Swiss head teacher to Dorset landlady. Su, after years of unsuccessful IVF and a failed adoption, recently set up a new business making and selling unique baby hats. Meanwhile Caz, a mother to four boys under nine, launched a business importing family trailer bikes from Denmark after her husband Martin’s career as a pianist was curtailed by his diagnosis with Parkinson’s. Jane has spent her 40s ‘becoming a mum and a wife at lightning speed’ – she found her soul mate at 40 after years of ‘independent, career-focused life’ and is now a full-time mum of two boys. What all four wanted was a chance to be pampered and to dress as they thought they never could: young, colourful and in summer’s high-street trends – for just one day forgetting the need to be a practical mum (‘living in ﬂeeces’) or a stay-at-home businesswoman (‘living in old jeans and an old jumper’) and, of course, banishing those going-on 50 thoughts… ➤

‘We share a common problem: knowing that 40 is meant to be the new 30, but in reality feeling 50!’

The ‘before’ look, right: Su, Caz, Jane and Liz arrive for their photo shoot. Below, from left: Su, Caz, Liz and Jane in their schoolgirl days

In search of a more youthful, on-trend look, and in need of some serious pampering, four reunited schoolfriends – now all in their 40s – asked YOU to work some makeover magic Report AMY WILLIAMS Photographs JOE PLIMMER YOU 2 MAY 2010

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LEFT: JACKET, New Look. TOP, Vila, from Debenhams. JEGGINGS, Primark. SHOES, Red Herring at Debenhams. RIGHT: JACKET, New Look. DRESS, Ted Baker, from John Lewis. JEWELLERY, Topshop. SHOES, Limited Collection at Marks & Spencer

LEFT: DRESS, French Connection. JEANS, Wallis. SHOES, Faith. RIGHT: DRESS, Butterfly by Matthew Williamson at Debenhams. BRACELET, Topshop. SANDALS, Oasis

‘I love my rock chick look’

‘I feel instantly glamorous’

According to Su, Caz (short for Caroline) was the girl everyone wanted to look like at school – despite her moment with a ‘very dodgy perm’. Caz has always had long hair but it lacked a deﬁnable style. Jamie wasted no time in taking three inches away, also adding subtle layers for a look that can easily be va-va-voomed with rollers or with a great blow-dry. Lisa instantly ‘lifted’ Caz’s face by reshaping her eyebrows – she recommended Caz pluck a few stray hairs every day for an ‘easy-peasy perfect brow’. Caz was game for bringing out her inner rock chick and, although

‘The last time I properly shopped for clothes was before the birth of my first child, and that was four years ago,’ admitted Jane. Mark’s response? ‘Well, let’s have some fun then, girl!’ So he picked out some classic white jeans that Jane could dress up or down, recommending them as a wardrobe essential for ‘instant glam’ (though the general consensus was that they would be best worn when not in close proximity to her two-year-old) . For Jane’s second outfit, Mark chose a maxidress to show off her toned arms. Hair-wise, Jane was stuck in

Caz Roberts, 44, lives with her husband Martin and their four sons near Christchurch, Dorset, and runs cycle website kidsandfamilycycles.co.uk. she said she was mostly a comfy, long skirt kind of girl, she loved the grey jeggings: ‘I’d never heard of jeggings or treggings, and never thought I’d be wearing skinny jeans, but I could live in these and I will.’ Not so the heels, though – Caz wouldn’t even take them home as a gift from Mark, and gave them to Su instead… ‘Great for a photo shoot, but not for my life!’ she said. In her second look, the genius grey waterfall jacket from New Look complemented the feminine butterﬂy-print Ted Baker maxidress – all agreed the dress was a perfect investment for summer weekends or glamorous occasions.

Jane Sherwood, 43, lives with her husband Ian in Blandford, Dorset, and is a full-time mother to her two sons. a style that even her friends thought was dated. Jamie’s view was that the balance was all wrong. ‘We cut it to the shoulders and added layers to give it a round shape and took away the severe parting, which was making Jane’s style so inflexible,’ he said. The auburn colour, too, enhances Jane’s skin tone and, as she rarely wears much make-up, Lisa suggested she invest in some versatile, easy-to-use products such as Clinique Airbrush Concealer and Shu Uemura eyelash curlers: ‘Perfect for opening out the eyes without the need for mascara or liner.’

Right: Liz and Jane have a laugh trying out their new outfits. Below: Liz’s hair gets a youthful lift with blonde highlights

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Clockwise from left: make-up artist Lisa glams up Liz and Jane’s look; Mark picks out some pieces for Liz and Jane; anyone for zebra-print heels?

YOU 2 MAY 2010

LEFT: CARDIGAN, Reiss, from John Lewis. TOP, New Look. TROUSERS, Principles by Ben de Lisi at Debenhams. SHOES, Primark. RIGHT: JACKET, Oasis. DRESS, Rocha.John Rocha at Debenhams. BELT, Warehouse. SHOES, Miss Selfridge

LEFT: JACKET, French Connection. BROOCHES, Topshop. VEST, Mango, from House of Fraser. TROUSERS, Butterfly by Matthew Williamson at Debenhams. SHOES, Miss Selfridge. RIGHT: DRESS, French Connection. JEANS, Oasis. BANGLES, Topshop. SHOES, Red Herring at Debenhams

STYLIST: MARK HEYES. HAIR: BROOKS AND BROOKS, BROOKSANDBROOKS.CO.UK. MAKE-UP: LISA ELDRIDGE

‘The years have dropped off’ ‘It’s boosted my confidence’ Liz Jochum, 44, lives with her two teenage daughters and her partner Murray and is landlady of the Fox & Hounds pub in East Knoyle, Wiltshire.

Su Cowell, 44, lives in Blandford, Dorset, with her husband Shaun and runs cobwebknits.co.uk, a website selling cashmere and wool baby hats.

As a landlady, Liz says that she ‘dresses down for a living’, but she also has a new man in her life and therefore, according to the others, is far more likely to make that extra effort than the rest of them. ‘I remember when we were all teenagers shopping in Chelsea Girl and Etam! Imagine! My daughters are far more stylish than I ever was – all they need is a few hours in Topshop. I’m never as sure of where to go to for me though,’ said Liz. For Liz’s ﬁrst outﬁt, Mark picked a classic blue-and-white combo. The Reiss cardigan with metal trim is ‘what everyone needs for summer’, said Mark. ‘Wear it over dresses or with jeans for a

After years of being a size 12, Su is now ‘pushing a 16’ and has a wardrobe full of clothes that don’t fit. ‘I just think nothing will suit me, but now I realise it’s a confidence thing…you have to be brave and try the trends on.’ Mark chose ultra-flattering khaki harem-style pants from Butterfly by Matthew Williamson at Debenhams and a structured French Connection jacket which made for a smarter look — one that Su could wear for a business meeting. He also got her into killer heels, which were a big hit: ‘I’d stopped buying heels

Left: auburn tones add warmth to Jane’s hair. Above: Jamie gives Caz a va-va-voom blow-dry

bang-on-trend but instantly wearable look. Your teenagers will be borrowing it too…’ For a smarter second outﬁt, Mark chose a ﬂoral dress by Rocha.John Rocha at Debenhams to which he added an origami-style jacket and belt to create a curvy silhouette. The aim with Liz’s hair and skin was lightening and brightening. Jamie and Sally added blonder tones throughout Liz’s already super-short, low-maintenance hair and Lisa warmed Liz’s complexion with a creamy blush and Clinique concealer to help hide dark circles, much to Liz’s approval: ‘In an instant that’s ﬁve years gone! Whatever this stuff is, I’m buying it.’

but, uh-oh, I’m hooked again.’ Sally created a new, sleeker look for Su’s short hair by taking all the weight from the back, and length from the sides. This, combined with the rich mahogany tint, transforms Su’s style into a modern, low-maintenance look which also enhances her blue eyes. Lisa then worked her make-up magic, selecting a smoky-eye look: ‘No one should shy away from using dark shades on the eyes as they get older. Well-blended colour can really help to add that extra definition which we all start to lose over the years.’ y

Clockwise from left: spoilt for a choice of funky footwear; Mark helps Jane into her killer heels; Su’s jacket is dressed up with brooches; Caz gets her skin pampered; Mark and Caz check out the dresses

RESTORATIONDRAMA

How we survived our

DOMESTIC ABYSS I

Photographs VICKI COUCHMAN

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f you want to test your marriage, forget having an affair, just do up your house. It’ll suck up far more money, time and energy, and spit you out the other side broke, beaten and exhausted, hissing ‘never again!’ like a woman who’s just given birth to a 10lb baby. When we moved into our house in Northwest London ﬁve years ago, it had deep-pile, moth-gobbled yellow carpets, spinach-green wallpaper and a bathroom and kitchen that were John Lewis’s ﬁnest, circa 1988. But to us it was a palace. We’d been living with our ﬁrst child in a garden ﬂat nearby and frequently walked past the house on the way to the park, admiring the blossom and the pretty, tidy street. Then, unexpectedly, came a chance of buying it: I’d just sold my ﬁrst novel, The Rise and Fall of a Yummy Mummy, the property market was a bit jittery and credit was ﬂowing freely. It was a small window of opportunity and we grabbed it. Chinking glasses to our good fortune – and fat mortgage – we excitedly made plans to do it up one room at a time, starting a new project every time we got a bit of dosh and some spare time. This meant we did the biggest jobs during my maternity leaves. Better to immerse myself in chaos with a new baby and builders than try to write novels through the brick dust later, we thought. We failed to appreciate that decisions taken on three hours’ sleep are rarely the right ones, and that breast-feeding and builders are best kept separate. Still, we couldn’t afford to move out or pay someone else to project manage. We needed to add a loft and rip out the kitchen and bathroom, but other than that it was just a matter of stripping back, painting and sanding, then – voilà – a house hot off the pages of a magazine. Anyway, how bad could it be? A Victorian house is like a mouthful of bad dentistry. You strip away one layer of wood-chip wallpaper only to discover another beneath. Bang the walls too hard and bits fall on your head. The tipping point was when a

Polly with her husband Ben and their children, Alice, one, Jago, three, and Oscar, six choking mushroom cloud of wood dust thrown up by the ﬂoor sander set off the smoke alarms, which in turn summoned a ﬂeet of ﬁre engines. I didn’t feel like Kirstie Allsopp then. We soon realised that when we ﬁnished one room, the others, by contrast, looked even worse. Guests would coo at our sitting room, then make the mistake of using the decomposing bathroom. And, of course, the work took longer than anticipated – so long that it changed us as a couple, ﬂinging us back into traditional gender roles. While my husband frowned over costing spreadsheets, discussed load-bearing walls with the builders, and tried to get the boiler to behave like a boiler rather than a capricious teenager, I’d make tea for the sparkies while ﬂicking through interiors magazines with a baby on my knee. Disappointingly, it turned out that doing up a house is not about rummaging around ﬂea markets and scrutinising Farrow & Ball paint charts. It’s about money – and builders. Ah, builders. The ﬁrst lesson? They respond to ﬁrm handling. Too many cups of tea, too much apologetic, middle-class niceness, and you’re done for. They’ll sniff your fear and slap another grand on the bill. Also, there’s an inversion of power towards the end of a project. Builders hate snag lists. They don’t do closure. Rather like ﬂaky YOU 2 MAY 2010

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Elusive builders, spiralling costs, endless snag lists – if the foundation of your relationship can endure the hammer blows of renovating a house, it can survive anything, says novelist Polly Williams

ceiling’, and returned to ﬁnd that every tile had been stripped from the roof. Eventually, the builders leave. As the initial euphoria at their departure fades, however, you start to notice things. Things you’d do differently next time – although, of course, you’ve sworn that there will be no next time. So you throw yourself into ﬁnishing touches instead. Happily, this involves shopping, although it is not easy to frogmarch a shop-phobic male down the high street. In the process, we’ve had to compromise and barter. He got his B&B Italia sofa; I paid over the odds for an armchair on Ebay after too many glasses of wine. He still won’t sit on it. Gradually, however, our tastes have morphed: I’ve learnt to be less impulsive and to appreciate grey and, although he’s still not ready for gold wallpaper in the loo, I’ve managed to sneak in pink – a sign of quite how far we’ve come. After ﬁve years and £100,000, the bits we ﬁrst did up have been battered by the children and need doing again. There is crayon on the Farrow & Ball and ﬁnger paint on our beloved Ercol chairs. It was all worth it, though. It didn’t break us. Better still, it looks as if our marriage will outlast the boiler. y Polly Williams’s new novel How To Be Married is published by Headline, £6.99* The final result: a sparkling new kitchen — with sockets in all the right places…

One friend left instructions with the builders to ‘take out the ceiling’, and returned to find that every tile had been stripped from the roof

YOU 2 MAY 2010

boyfriends, they start out keen, attentive and committed, then they start disappearing, turning off their phones and going on unexplained journeys at weird times, while you sit like a jilted lover trying not to drink and text. If they’re not elusive, they’re omnipresent, crouching by the skirting board, cup of tea in one hand, eyebrow raised, while you are having a nuclear row about tap ﬁttings. They put mistakes down to crossed wires between husband and ‘the wife’, and love to play you off against each other. To be fair, the builders’ progress was probably slowed by having three children scampering around their feet, trying to get hold of the circular saw (even if they did idolise them as real-life Bob the Builders). In the end, we resorted to strapping the two-year-old into the high chair, from which he’d gaze at them happily for hours. Marvellous. I’m sure they’d have preferred it if we hadn’t been ‘working from home’ so much, constantly looking over their shoulders. But if you don’t have a project manager, it’s important to be around. Decisions are made on a daily basis; if you’re not there to make them, you can’t blame the builders for the eccentric positioning of the light switches. One friend left instructions with the Polish builders to ‘take out the

BEFORE YOU BOOK THE BUILDERS…

● Set a budget that matches the value of your home: will you really recoup the cost of that £5,000 when you sell? Review spending weekly. ● Designate your big-spend areas. Most families usually want more light and more lateral living space downstairs, so that’s where to invest your money. ● Work out your floor plan. Don’t knock down too many walls. Open-plan living is fine — until you want to escape the children, their toys and noise. ● Splurge on fixtures and fittings that you touch every day, such as taps, light switches and door handles. They give a feeling of luxury. ● Mix it up: expensive worktops with trade kitchen units; salvage with high street. It’s cheaper and adds character. ● If you’ve got young children, go for materials that age and bash up well, such as wood rather than carpet, which looks tatty over time. 39

MYHERO

Brave art This inspiring artwork has been created by children not expected to reach adulthood, and their siblings. Part of the exhibition This is my Hero, it is being auctioned off to raise funds for children’s hospices across the UK. Make the difference of a lifetime by bidding for your favourite piece… Report COLETTE FAHY

GEORGIANA SHATTOCK, seven, spends time at Children’s Hospice South West – Little Bridge House in North Devon. She has a neuromuscular condition but the actual diagnosis is unknown. Bubbly and pretty, she has made amazing progress. Her artwork is based on her favourite carer Marion. ‘My hero is Marion because she likes doing the same things I like. We love being creative, playing games on the computer, bike riding and spending time in the Jacuzzi.’

DAVE WARREN/PICTURETEAM.CO.UK

SOPHIE SUMMERTON, 12, has Sanﬁlippo syndrome, a mucopolysaccharide disease, and has been cared for by the Pepper Children’s Nurses from the Iain Rennie Hospice At Home service. Sophie’s mum says, ‘Sophie’s older brother Will is her hero, because she loves him to pieces! When he spends time with her or helps her out she looks at him adoringly. Sophie is nonverbal, but Will generally seems to know what she wants and looks after her.’

‘Sophie’s older brother is her hero, because she loves him to pieces! He looks after her’ 40

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ELLIE DARBY PRANGNELL, nine, has the muscle-wasting condition spinal muscular atrophy type 2 and visits Little Havens Children’s Hospice in Essex. She chose Gus the dog as her hero. ‘I used to be really scared of dogs, but would like an assistance dog when I’m older. The care team at Little Havens Children’s Hospice introduced me to Gus who is my hero. We enjoy taking walks together at the hospice and he likes it when I feed him treats.’

‘Gus and I enjoy taking walks together at the hospice. And he likes it when I feed him treats’ JACK SIMMONDS, 15, has Duchenne muscular dystrophy and suffers from asthma, eczema and ectodermal dysplasia, which affects his eyes. He has been receiving care from Chestnut Tree House Children’s Hospice in West Sussex since 2007. ‘I’ve chosen my pet hamster as my hero and have made him into a superhero called Rody. This painting shows him breaking through a big brick wall simply by zapping it with his laser eyes. When I’m faced with something big to overcome, he helps me through it. He has other superpowers including super strength. He has rocket engines on his feet and can ﬂy anywhere using his magic cloak. He has a cute, cuddly side to him: you’d never know that he is really an amazing superhero. He is great company; there is never a dull moment when he’s around.’ ➤

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HANNAH COLTHERD, who had Ewing’s sarcoma, a type of bone cancer, loved visiting Chestnut Tree House Children’s Hospice. She sadly died earlier this year, aged eight. Hannah chose her grandad as her hero. She said: ‘I used to go on picnics with Grandad and my family. He always made great ham sandwiches and we would play fun games together. Grandad always made me feel special, and I particularly remember his warm, friendly, funny face. He gave me red roses from time to time and helped me overcome being afraid of the dark.’

CAMERON MARSHALL, 13, has been supported by Haven House Children’s Hospice in Essex since 2003 due to his complex heart problem truncus arteriosus and several other conditions. Cameron’s hero is Mr Wright, his teacher from last year. He says, ‘Mr Wright was very kind to me and he is a VERY good teacher. He helped me to think I could do things and be good at school work. Because of him I am on the school council now! If I had any problems Mr Wright would always help me to sort them out.’ Cameron’s artwork is a very good likeness of his hero!

‘I used to go on picnics with Grandad and my family. He always made me feel special’ 42

YOU 2 MAY 2010

ARCHIE LEE, 11, visits Children’s Hospice South West – Little Bridge House with his brother Alﬁe, 13, who has cerebral palsy. ‘I love football and Ronaldo is my absolute hero. I have a big family and with four brothers and sisters it can be hard keeping us all happy, especially as my brother Alﬁe needs a lot of care, but Mum and Dad always make time to take me to play football.’ Archie reworked his picture, as in the original one he felt that the feet were not quite right – he is a bit of a perfectionist as well as a sportsman!

AMY TURNER became unwell and was diagnosed with a brain tumour. She spent a lot of time in and out of hospital having operations, chemotherapy and radiotherapy and often visited Claire House Children’s Hospice in Liverpool. She sadly died last year, aged 12. Amy said, ‘My hero is Cheryl Cole – I admire and love her. The fact that she came from a council estate in Newcastle to being one of the most loved women in the biggest girl band in the UK, without forgetting her roots, is amazing. Cheryl is my favourite in Girls Aloud because she has a funny and outgoing personality. I love her dress sense and her false eyelashes. I have been to see Girls Aloud twice and loved it, especially seeing Cheryl dancing and singing.’

YOU 2 MAY 2010

LANCE BALYNAS, six, visits Richard House Children’s Hospice in East London with his family and brother Miles, two. Miles suffered a lack of oxygen during a very difﬁcult birth, which left him with a brain injury and subsequent cerebral palsy. Miles can’t sit up, stand, walk, talk or eat and is tube-fed via a gastrostomy. Lance enjoys going to the sibling group at Richard House and is very active – he likes to dance, skateboard, swim and trampoline. Lance chose his schoolfriend Henry as his hero. He says, ‘Henry gives more than other people and is respectful and very understanding. I like jumping off things and he’s always there if I hurt myself and calls the teacher if needs be.’

ROBBIE HOPPER had congenital muscular dystrophy, with limited mobility and breathing problems. He regularly visited Butterwick House Children’s Hospice near Middlesbrough before he sadly died, aged 15, at the end of last year. He chose his sister’s boyfriend Adam as his hero. Robbie said, ‘Adam helps me and looks after me. He plays with me on the Playstation and has a similar taste in music and likes computer games. He is kind and funny – a good friend.’ Robbie’s mum adds, ‘Butterwick has helped our family in different ways. When Robbie went into the hospice for a few days, it gave us a chance to recharge our batteries. Having a disabled child is a constant worry and to have Butterwick is very comforting; I don’t know how we’d have coped without it.’ y

Please raise funds for children’s hospices in the UK – and support Children’s Hospice Week (15-22 May) – by bidding for your favourite This is my Hero artwork in a silent auction at thisismyhero.org.uk. The bidding is now open and will continue until 14 June. Or donate just £3 by texting CHILD to 70007 (you will be charged £3 plus one message at your standard network rate; Children’s Hospices UK will receive a minimum of £2.48 from each message sent). 43

POWERANDPASSION

THE THREE PEOPLE IN THIS

royal marrıage As mistress of King George II and ‘woman of the bedchamber’ to the queen, Henrietta Howard had a difficult balancing act to perform. But her role at the 18th-century court of Kensington Palace was crucial, as historian Lucy Worsley (right) reveals 44

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n 1734, an uneasy love triangle existed at Kensington Palace. George II was Britain’s king – his fat and shrewd wife Caroline was queen. Mrs Henrietta Howard was one of six ‘women of the bedchamber’ who worked for the queen. Calm and conscientious, Henrietta seemed the perfect servant. But resentment seethed within her. During her 20 years as the queen’s bedchamber woman, she’d also had unglamorous, unenviable and unpaid extra duties as the king’s acknowledged lover. During the research for my book Courtiers, The Secret History of Kensington Palace, Henrietta Howard stood out as one of the Georgian court’s most attractive characters. She was not an astounding beauty, but she radiated charm and intelligence. Her build was slim, she had ‘the ﬁnest light brown hair’ and she was ‘always well dressed with taste and simplicity’. Yet she suffered all her life from headaches and deafness. Her friend, the poet Alexander Pope, described a grievous ‘air of sadness about her’, and accused her of ‘not loving herself so well as she does her friends’. But Henrietta was a survivor. After so many years at court, she’d become legendary for her ‘imperceptible dexterity’ in negotiating the hazards of palace life. She

Double life: Henrietta Howard, pictured here in 1724, aged 35

had been forced to become ﬂuent in a courtier’s language of half-truths and ﬂatteries. She knew, though, that her way of life was gradually eroding her health and her happiness. She hoped to escape from court while her integrity still remained intact. But the story of her difﬁcult life so far suggested that this might be impossible. Henrietta was born in 1689 to the Hobart family of Blickling Hall, Norfolk. Their ﬁnances were precarious, and became desperately so after Henrietta’s father was killed in a duel. Henrietta, aged 16, assumed that a marriage to the 30-year-old Charles Howard, younger brother of the Earl of Suffolk, would provide security. This was a terrible mistake. Howard would prove himself to be a ‘drunken, extravagant, brutal’ reprobate. As one friend put it, ‘thus they loved, thus they married, and thus they hated each other for the rest of their lives’. Despite their high birth, the couple were genteel paupers. Her husband wasted money in gaming houses and brothels, while Henrietta often felt the ‘smart of hunger’ in their dingy London lodgings. This experience of poverty scarred her deeply. Henrietta gave birth to a son in 1707, and in 1713 insisted that she and Charles ﬂee to Hanover to escape his creditors. She even offered her long brown hair to YOU 2 MAY 2010

ENGLISH HERITAGE, HER MAJESTY QUEEN ELIZABETH II

a wig-maker in exchange for the money for the journey. In the little German state of Hanover, she hoped to become intimate with its ruling family. Queen Anne, the last of the Stuarts, had no surviving children, and on her death it seemed likely that the electors of Hanover, her nearest Protestant relatives, would be invited to rule Britain. The gamble paid off. Caroline, the elector George’s daughter-in-law, offered Henrietta a job as a personal servant. Soon afterwards Caroline’s husband, the future George II, indicated that he would like her services sexually. Caroline accepted Henrietta as her husband’s mistress: she rightly feared that a woman less discreet and sensible than Henrietta would cause more trouble. Nor did the court as a whole see cause for scandal: George’s German grandmother thought Henrietta would at the very least improve his English. After the death of Queen Anne in 1714, Henrietta Howard – both servant and mistress – accompanied the newly royal family on its journey to England. She was in high favour with both George and Caroline, now Prince and Princess of Wales (George’s father was now King George I of Britain). Her husband had also found a job at court. But he still constantly harassed Henrietta, pretending to be jealous of her position as the prince’s mistress, and attempting to get blackmail money by threatening to reveal her royal relationship. Henrietta’s plight was pitiable. While her husband lorded over her ‘with tyranny; with cruelty’, she had no remedy in the eyes of 18th-century law. She reasoned with herself that his neglect alternated with brutality negated their marriage contract: ‘I must believe I am free.’ Her only comfort lay in her female friends. Her stalwart supporter, Lady Lansdowne, was typical in writing: ‘Dear Mrs Howard, you & I shall live to see better days, & love & honour to ﬂourish once more.’ Eventually Henrietta plucked up the courage to leave her husband, a risky and shameful undertaking. But her fear of him still compelled her to remain in her degrading relationship with the Prince of Wales, who became King George II in 1727. The palace walls provided protection, and her servant’s salary was her only source of income. In 1728 Henrietta ﬁnally succeeded in persuading her husband to sign a formal deed of separation, a very rare proceeding for the time. But freedom came at a high price. Her only child would remain in her husband’s custody. It seemed unlikely that she would ever see her son again. Queen Caroline therefore mainly pitied rather than envied her love rival. She also recognised that Henrietta YOU 2 MAY 2010

Below: a portrait of King George II and Queen Caroline

Queen Caroline pitied rather than envied her love rival. She also recognised that Henrietta bore the brunt of the king’s famously bad temper

bore the brunt of the king’s famously bad temper. He spent a couple of hours every evening with Henrietta, but more out of duty than desire. By the 1730s the courtiers were ﬁrmly convinced that the king had a mistress ‘rather as a necessary appurtenance to his grandeur as a prince than an addition to his pleasures as a man’. He was heard speaking to her in an ‘angry and impatient tone’, and replying to a mild question with ‘that is none of your business, madam; you have nothing to do with that!’ As Henrietta put it, ‘I have been a slave 20 years without ever receiving a reason for any one thing I ever was oblig’d to do.’ Some of the most intense scenes in the breakdown of the eccentric but enduring love triangle between George II, Caroline and Henrietta were played out between the two women, in the bedchamber, during the queen’s toilette. Henrietta’s position of bedchamber woman was not physically demanding, but the long hours of waiting, the boredom, and the need for self-possession took their toll. If ever she showed a hint of insubordination – complaining about having to hold the basin while the queen washed her face, for example – Caroline had no hesitation in slapping Henrietta down. In 1731, though, came Henrietta’s great stroke of luck. She inherited a considerable sum of money from the Earl of Suffolk, her former husband’s older brother. Despising his wastrel sibling, the earl had left a fortune to Henrietta instead. Along with the money, Henrietta also gained the title Countess of Suffolk (her husband Charles inherited the title of earl even though he got no money) and she was promoted from bedchamber woman to mistress of the robes. Now her duties were far lighter, and luckily her husband quickly followed his brother to the grave. For the ﬁrst time in her life Henrietta had plenty of money and a little leisure time. She was so happy, the courtiers said, that even her hearing improved. She began building a villa for herself by the Thames at Marble Hill, between Richmond and Twickenham, West London. And in summer 1734 she took her ﬁrst-ever holiday. She spent six weeks in the resort of Bath. Because no one could remember Henrietta leaving court before, it caused a sensation. When she returned in October, though, she found George II even less eager than before to share her company, and he cut her dead in the drawing room. That ‘the king went no more in an evening to Lady Suffolk was whispered about the court by all that belonged to it’. Armed with what she thought was incontrovertible evidence of the king’s disapproval, Henrietta sought ➤ 45

G L A D E QA D V E R T I S E M E N T F E A T U R E

REFRESH YOUR HOME Discover how to create a welcoming atmosphere in your home with the new Touch’n Fresh Collection of air fresheners from Glade hen somebody comes to visit – whether it’s been arranged in advance or they are simply dropping by unexpectedly – it’s nice to be able to relax, secure in the knowledge that not only does your home look clean and stylish, but it also has a pleasantly fragranced atmosphere. So, how do you ensure your own home is a fresh, welcoming haven for friends and family without compromising on aesthetics? If you care about your surroundings, then we’ll let you into a secret: the brand-new Touch’n Fresh Collection from Glade is the sophisticated way to infuse your home with subtle fragrance while seamlessly blending into stylish interiors. Inspired by nature, the Touch’n Fresh Collection is available in two pebble-effect designs: a smooth black granite effect, or textured beige,

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from Glade is available in two pebble-design holders, Relaxing Zen and Clean Linen, each reﬁllable with ﬁve subtle fragrances: Relaxing Zen, Clean Linen, Soft Petals, Lavender and Citrus. The Glade Touch’n Fresh Collection retails at around £5.99.

The Glade Touch’n Fresh Collection will instantly refresh the atmosphere throughout your home hostess. You will be able to relax and enjoy everyone’s company, knowing your home has that special fresh ambience your guests will really appreciate – but without them being able to put their ﬁnger on how you’ve achieved it. Are you going to let them into your secret?

WIN a fabulous girls’-night-in hamper! We’re offering ﬁve YOU readers the chance to win an amazing hamper ﬁlled with everything you need to host an impromptu but decadent girls’ night in. Our winners will receive pampering Burt’s Bees body treats, an indulgent Kshocolat Dipping Kit, plus a DVD of your choice, two wine glasses and a bottle of rosé wine – altogether worth over £150! To enter the competition please go to:

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The Touch’n Fresh Collection

each created to co-ordinate with – and complement – a variety of decors. And with just one push your Touch’n Fresh Collection pebble will instantly refresh the atmosphere in rooms throughout your home with one of a selection of ﬁve understated (and reﬁllable) long-lasting fragrances. From hallways to living rooms, kitchens to dining rooms, it’s the discreetly chic accessory that cleverly conceals its practical purpose. Whether you’re holding a formal dinner party, having a casual supper or just enjoying drinks with your girlfriends, your Glade Touch’n Fresh Collection pebble will allow you to take it easy and be the perfect

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a resignation interview with Caroline, in the queen’s bedchamber. At ﬁrst Caroline claimed that she hadn’t noticed Henrietta’s cold reception since her return from Bath. She refused to listen to Henrietta’s complaints of court intrigue and the king’s coldness, saying, ‘Believe me, I am your friend, your best friend.’ She told Henrietta not to mind court gossip, and reminded her how cold the world would seem outside the court bubble. ‘I can’t say that to keep such an acquaintance will be any argument for me to stay at court,’ Henrietta replied. Annoyed, Caroline tried hard to have her husband prevent her meekest, mildest and most useful servant from leaving. By now, though, he was as anxious to let Henrietta go as she was to depart. ‘What the devil did you mean by trying to make an old, dull, deaf, peevish beast stay and plague me when I had so good an opportunity for getting rid of her?’ he shouted at his wife. Finally, on 22 November 1734, to universal amazement, Henrietta departed from the court for Marble Hill and private life. Queen Caroline condemned her departure as ‘the silliest thing she could do’, while the newspapers thought it reprehensible and incomprehensible in equal measure. Most people thought Henrietta’s loss of the king’s favour a great setback, but with it the stage was set for her redemption. She could at last rediscover her talent for sincerity, writing and friendship. And there was also another, hidden, reason driving Henrietta forward in her path of propulsion from the court. She had fallen in love. The next scandal to grip the court was the news of an unexpected and very hasty marriage. Henrietta’s wedding to MP George Berkeley in June 1735 consummated a relationship that had begun in secret well before her delicate negotiation of her exit from the palace. (They had met many times at the houses of friends.) George Berkeley was 42 to Henrietta’s 46, and her escape from court had left her looking ‘better than [she] did 17 years ago’. He was kind, loving and honest, and their correspondence shows they shared a deep bond. Safe, happy, and third-time-lucky in love, Henrietta was occupied with her husband and with decorating their house at Marble Hill. On the rare occasions when they were apart, she signed off her letters to him with ‘God bless you… I do with all my heart and soul’. Her beloved George Berkeley died, after a painfully brief 11 years of marriage, in

Portraits of an 18th-century court, clockwise from left: courtiers having tea at Lord Harrington’s house — Henrietta, sitting at the card table in a blue and yellow dress, has her head inclined towards the man near the fireplace, the love of her life George Berkeley; Kensington Palace, the royal household’s principal residence; George II in old age; a portrait of Queen Caroline, aged 52, in 1735, two years before her death

ENGLISH HERITAGE, HER MAJESTY QUEEN ELIZABETH II, THE ROYAL BOROUGH OF KENSINGTON AND CHELSEA LIBRARY, BRIDGEMAN/YALE CENTER FOR BRITISH ART

Most people thought Henrietta’s loss of the king’s favour a great setback, but with it the stage was set for her redemption. And there was a hidden reason for her exit from court

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1746. Henrietta continued to live quietly at Marble Hill. But her health and hearing remained poor, and her only son, turned against her by his father, was altogether lost to her. Henrietta had one ﬁnal, chance encounter with her former royal lover in October 1760. A London trafﬁc jam brought Henrietta’s vehicle close to the coach of the king, ‘whom she had not seen for so many years’. Henrietta recognised him immediately, but he looked back at her blankly. Although he had seen her every day for more than 20 years, George II had erased her from his memory. Only two days later, he suffered a massive heart attack while seated on the water closet at Kensington Palace. His death brought with it the end of Henrietta’s court pension. Her fortune spent, and having inherited little from her second husband, her ﬁnal years were marred by penury. Into her 70s, though, Henrietta retained ‘spirits and cleverness and imagination’. She ﬁnally died in 1767, and asked to be buried next to George Berkeley, her one true love. y Courtiers, The Secret History of Kensington Palace by Lucy Worsley is published by Faber and Faber, £20. To order a copy for the special price of £17.99, with free p&p, call the YOU Bookshop on 0845 155 0711, or visit you-bookshop.co.uk 47

RELATIONSHIPSETC

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hen YOU columnist Liz Jones met the 26-year-old broadcasting assistant who would soon become her husband, she offered to use her magazine editor’s salary to support the two of them while he pursued his dream to write a book. As his novel took longer than expected to be published, he became demoralised and lazy, and the relationship famously unravelled. But that’s the trouble with supporting a partner while he decides to follow a dream: for every happy outcome, there’s also a nightmare waiting to happen. The good and the bad aspects of enabling a partner to pursue a long-held ambition of starting a business or writing that novel, are something that more and more women are experiencing. It’s not just that redundancy payouts are providing an opportunity for a career rethink, it’s that many women are now actually in a position to say: ‘Go for it; I’ll pay the mortgage for a year while you reinvent your life.’ Recent ﬁgures show that a quarter of women in the UK are the sole wage earner, and it’s estimated that by the end of this year more than two in three women will earn more than their partner. According to Jacob Strand, an analyst at trend forecasters the Future Laboratory: ‘Women increasingly are the main provider and supporter of the household, leaving the modern man with opportunities to redeﬁne himself – retraining, for example, or becoming a stay-at-home dad.’ In an ideal world, our partner’s dream scenario will be one that works for us, too. Who wouldn’t want to bankroll their husband for a short time if it meant that he could launch a successful business? The ﬁnancial and emotional payoffs of taking a risk on our man are surely worth it. The trouble comes when our partner continues to pursue the dream long after it has ceased to be viable. ‘My partner Ben spent three years trying to set up an online travel consultancy,’ says Louise, 42. ‘I could see that the business wasn’t going to take off, and it made me angry that while I was squeezing in freelance HR projects around looking after our one-year-old to pay the bills, Ben seemed to be having a pretty good time. He shared an ofﬁce with friends, meetings often involved a couple of beers, and he could come and go as he pleased, escaping a crying baby when it suited him.’ It’s no wonder that rows became about more than who was pulling their weight in the family ﬁnances. ‘I became furious about what I saw as Ben’s slackness, especially when we had to borrow money from my parents to pay the bills and buy food each month,’ says Louise. ‘Sex was out of the question and I’d even turn my back when Ben tried to cuddle me. Naturally, that meant he felt rejected. Staying out even longer “working on the business” was a more appealing prospect 48

To have, to hold andto

FINANCIALLY SUPPORT? Men are no longer the default breadwinners – our earning potential means more economic flexibility than ever. But if your partner takes time out to change career or live his dream, you could find that the price you pay is more than financial, warns Andréa Childs Illustration MARK SMITH

than me nagging him to give up his dream.’ In the end, though, that’s exactly what happened. ‘Ben decided to retrain as a tax inspector. I agreed to it because he could earn on the job while he trained. He’s now working in the local tax ofﬁce and I’m the one who’s given up a higher salary to make a career switch – I’ve left HR and I’m now working for a charity. I earn the same working full time as I previously did in my part-time role, but we both feel that we’ve had the chance to spread our wings.’ Making a change doesn’t always have such happy consequences. Gina Stewart was 60 and looking forward to a comfortable retirement when she met George, who was retraining to be a teacher. ‘Unfortunately he couldn’t handle the pressure in the classroom, and decided instead to become an electrician, spending all his savings on training in the process,’ Gina says. George failed YOU 2 MAY 2010

his exams but kept doggedly pursuing his dream, with Gina supporting him with the savings she’d put away for her retirement. ‘After four years we were bickering constantly and I couldn’t take it any more,’ she says. ‘I told him to get a job – any job – and he now works in a DIY store. He doesn’t earn much and I won’t recoup my retirement fund, but we still love each other and I don’t have to face old age alone. That’s the trade-off I made.’ When you both have a dream, it’s often the man who gets priority – because the woman lets him. Meryl, 39, was working as a recruitment consultant when her husband Paul, a sales director, announced he wanted to retrain as an accountant. ‘I was also desperate to leave my job – fed up of working long hours and the exhausting commute – but somehow Paul seemed even more unhappy. I postponed looking for new work until he qualiﬁed, as we needed my income while he studied. It just seemed easier than seeing him miserable every morning.’ But Meryl was wrong. ‘Within a year my resentment that his needs came ﬁrst put our marriage on the line and we went to couples counselling.’ Ironically, Meryl believes the crisis actually saved their marriage. ‘For the ﬁrst time we talked about what we really wanted. Paul offered to postpone his training but I said no, as I thought he should ﬁnish what he had started. So YOU 2 MAY 2010

even though the situation is the same, I somehow feel more in control and that helps me to cope.’ Psychologist Corinne Sweet says that, as women, we’re conditioned to please others. ‘Women feel guilty about putting their needs ﬁrst. We’ll opt for delayed gratiﬁcation over immediate gain, especially if it means we can take up a position as hub of the family, supporting everyone else. We don’t like to give up control, although we might complain about our partner not doing his fair share.’ So we’re in a strange situation, where we have the economic power to have an equal say in a relationship, but we’re unwilling to ask for what we really want, whether that’s a shift in work/life balance or a completely new direction. As Jenny, 41, a social worker, says: ‘I’d love to move into a more creative job. Some ﬁnancial and mental space to experiment would be great – perhaps I’ll get that when my husband Mel ﬁnishes his PhD. It’s been four years so far!’ Corinne Sweet says that our reluctance to speak up is also an issue of conﬁdence. ‘By asking a partner to support us – economically or emotionally – while we follow a dream, we’re really asking, “Will you believe in me?” That’s difﬁcult if, deep down, we’re wondering whether we deserve the opportunity. For men, their desire usually overrides these fears.’ Liz, 41, agrees with that. ‘Two years ago, my husband Robert and I decided to concentrate on our creative writing, so he got a part-time job so that he could study screenwriting, and I worked two weeks a month as a freelance journalist, using the rest of the time to pen my novel. The trouble was, I would panic every time I sat down to write my book, thinking, “Who’s going to read this anyway? I should be earning money not wasting my time.” I gradually began to take on more work, ostensibly to pay the bills, but self-doubt played a part. Robert stuck to his plan and, although he has yet to have a screenplay produced, I admire his tenacity and think he’s really talented, which means our relationship hasn’t suffered.’ The single-minded focus that men typically have also allows them to blank out all the boring domestic stuff, such as getting the children ready for school or realising there’s only a carrot in the fridge for dinner. ‘When the man is the breadwinner, women are often free to pursue an interest but only if they combine it with their domestic duties,’ says Leila Collins, principal lecturer at Middlesex University and psychotherapist. ‘When men pursue a goal, we let them off the hook in domestic terms. We’re our

own worst enemies because we do the lot – shopping, cleaning, work – and studying or starting a business is the last thing on our list.’ For some of us, our partner’s dogged pursuit of a dream is a fantasy too far. Bethan, 44, who runs her own PR company, called time on her relationship with John, 48, when his dream of running a boat-building business caused them to lose their house (they’d remortgaged to pay for his set-up costs and couldn’t afford the repayments). ‘For me, the fact that we lost our home showed that he thought more of himself than me and our two children. I couldn’t live with that,’ she says. Relationships fail in this situation when someone breaks their side of the bargain, says Corinne Sweet. ‘He needs to show he doesn’t expect to be kept like a cosseted pussycat, and that he’s ready to support you once his goal is achieved and it’s your turn. It’s important to have goals to strive for, but you have to make a deal about who will cook if he’s at home and you’re out at work, or what will happen if his objective doesn’t pan out.’ Jenny’s answer was to give Mel a deadline to ﬁnish his PhD. ‘I’m happy to support him for now because it’s short-term penury in exchange for long-term emotional and ﬁnancial satisfaction for all of us, I hope,’ she laughs. ‘We have two children and although money is tight, we’re all much happier, as the children get to see Mel more and he’s less stressed. But I’ve told him that he needs to have a full-time job by the next academic year. I want him to ﬁnish his PhD so that he can have a sense of completion, plus we’ll have extra money to do nice things. And hopefully there will be a bit more ﬂexibility, so I can think about my next move.’ The payoff for your support may be an emotional one, rather than a six-ﬁgure salary. ‘You and your partner should discuss what the goal really is,’ says Leila Collins. Does he want his novel to be published, or is it enough to have written it? Do you expect his business to buy you a second home, or simply give you a partner who doesn’t moan about his day at the ofﬁce? Personally, the years I spent working full time while my husband studied for a degree and MA in ﬁne art were worth it. He’s found a way of combining teaching art for a pay cheque with making and exhibiting his own sculptures for personal satisfaction. I’d rather have a happy husband than one who feels trapped in a job because his wife won’t help him ﬁnd a way out. I wonder whether Liz Jones would agree with me. y

‘The fact that we lost our home showed that allhe thought about was himself’

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H O M E B A S E z A D V E RT I S E M E N T F E AT U R E

Next stop spring... lossoming trees, blooming plants, and budding gardeners, sprouting from every nook and cranny. Yes, it’s that time of year again. And at Carlisle train station, well, spring came a little early. Recently featured on TV, the usually tired station interior took on an almighty transformation to become a contemporary Homebase show garden. Morning commuters were welcomed onto a carpet of freshly laid grass, quite literally putting a spring into their step. Gone were the familiar sounds of hufﬁng and pufﬁng, replaced by the gentle sizzle of barbeques. And while sun loungers and picnic furniture replaced hard metal benches, the cold stone ﬂoor became a distant memory, shrouded by raised decking and plant pots. Homebase’s experience of working with growers for over 20 years was clear to see, as Hydrangea and Clematis vines adorned giant brick recesses and ﬂowers lined the platform below. And, if you’re itching to get your green ﬁngers into bedding plants, strawberry plants or even grow your own,

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‘Gone were the familiar sounds of hufﬁng and pufﬁng, replaced by the gentle sizzle of barbeques’

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* Full terms and conditions apply. See lovehome.co.uk/transform. Over 18s only. UK Residents only. In the event of a tie, Homebase have the casting vote.

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INTERIORS CLARE NOLAN

THE HIX MIX With a sprinkling of edgy artwork and retro furnishings, top chef Mark Hix has spiced up his tasteful terrace Report FIONA MCCARTHY Photographs ANDREAS VON EINSIEDEL THE COUPLE Top British chef and restaurateur Mark Hix and his girlfriend Clare Lattin, head of publicity for Quadrille books. THE HOUSE A Georgian three-storey, four-bedroom, two-bathroom terraced house in a conservation area of North London, with original features such as cornicing and parquet flooring. When Mark 52

and Clare bought the house in 2005, it was structurally sound except for a small ‘lean-to’ at the back, which has been converted into Mark’s office. THE STYLE Inspired by the windswept feel of seaside houses, Mark and Clare wanted the house to appear light and bright – white-painted walls and ceilings, shutters, french windows looking on to the

garden in the study and kitchen, and tongue-and-groove detailing in the bathrooms – with a ‘makeshift’ simplicity. ‘We like things a little “cranky”,’ says Clare, referring to their collection of vintage pieces and the informal, laid-back feel of the kitchen and bathrooms. A little like Mark’s cooking – clean and simple with a charming hint of nostalgia. YOU 2 MAY 2010

THE KITCHEN, OPPOSITE Unsurprisingly, this room is the focal point of Mark and Clare’s home: ‘We always end up here,’ says Mark. By a stroke of luck, it was already equipped with a Viking cooker, chic tiling and cupboards when they moved in. Mark asked a local builder to customise the inside of the cupboards with pull-out shelves – ‘So you’re not always down on bended knee trying to find something at the back.’ The couple wanted a simple, country kitchen, rather than a sleek, modern space, so they added a long farmhouse table – ‘Though we had to knock a wall down to get it in,’ says Clare. ‘If we ever leave, the table will be staying!’ Try Antique Tables for one similar (tel: 01403 786272, antique-tables.co.uk). The dining chairs were market finds. Try the French House for a variety of suspended ceramic pendant lamps (£89 each, tel: 023 8024 8868, thefrenchhouse.net) THIS PAGE On the wall opposite the cooker, Mark erected two shelves to display bowls, vessels and vintage paraphernalia, much of which he finds at house clearance sales and on Ebay. The console table is from a discontinued Habitat range – for a similar style, try the Bretagne oak three-drawer console table (£339, tel: 0844 499 1111, habitat.co.uk) and customise it with Fingertip cabinet handles from Handles 4 Doors (£2.47 each, tel: 01252 715025, handles4doors.co.uk) ➤

YOU 2 MAY 2010

Mark: ‘It’s important that the things you use every day work well but also look nice. It makes cooking all the more enjoyable’

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ABOVE Find a cooker like Mark’s beloved Viking (tel: 0844 412 2530, vikingrange.com) or check out Britannia range cookers (from £1,900, tel: 01244 402975, rangecookers.co.uk). For a similar sink, try a Kohler Mistral single bowl and drainer ceramic sink from Kitchen Sinks Store (£250.33, kitchensinksstore.com) with an Astonian Elbow Action Two Hole Deck Mounted Hospital Sink Mixer in chrome from Aston Matthews (£305.50, tel: 020 7226 7220, astonmatthews.co.uk). For similar tiles, try Fired Earth’s French-glazed Cotignac tiles in Verveine (£3.65 each, tel: 0845 366 0400, firedearthshop.com)

HIX HISTORY, MASTERY AND TRICKERY Mark rose to fame as head chef of A-list London favourites Le Caprice and the Ivy. He went on to help relaunch Mayfair seafood institution Scott’s before striking out on his own, first with Hix Oyster & Chop House in East London, then Hix Oyster & Fish House in Lyme Regis. He recently opened Hix in London’s Soho and a restaurant and champagne bar in Selfridges. Visit hixoysterandchophouse.co.uk. ● Mark’s food, famous for its down-to-earth Britishness, comes to life with often-overlooked seasonal ingredients such as wild garlic, sorrel and ‘judas’s ear fungus’ which he likes to forage for. For more foraging info, read Miles Irving’s The Forager Handbook (Ebury) or visit forager.org.uk. ● ‘I grow every sort of herb at home,’ says Mark. Jekka’s Herb Farm sells herbs and edible flower mixes (tel: 01454 418878, jekkasherbfarm.com). He also grows unusual varieties of salad leaves (try Sarah Raven’s Kitchen & Garden, tel: 0845 092 0283, sarahraven.com). ● ‘I have a wood-fired oven and a smoke-house shed in the garden for smoking salmon.’ For wood-ﬁred ovens, try Orchard Ovens (tel: 01772 610010, orchardovens.co.uk); for home smoking kits, try For Food Smokers (tel: 01483 203095, forfoodsmokers.co.uk). Buy Mark’s own De Beauvoir smoked salmon at Selfridges (tel: 0800 123400, selfridges.com). ● Read Mark Hix’s British Seasonal Food and Hix Oyster & Chop House (out in July), both published by Quadrille. 54

THE BACK LIVING ROOM, TOP, is one of two open-plan living areas. The sofa came from vintage dealers Fandango (tel: 07979 650805, fandangointeriors.co.uk) and the coffee table was found on Ebay. Floor-to-ceiling doors lead through to Mark’s office – which he calls his library – where he stores hundreds of old cookery books (left) collected from antiques markets and Ebay ABOVE Mark’s ingredients fill the shelves of the kitchen larder YOU 2 MAY 2010

Clare: ‘It’s a house for all seasons – in winter it feels cosy, with fires and the warmth of the wooden floors, and in summer the light floods through and it’s heaven to throw open the french windows on to the garden’ THE BACK LIVING ROOM, ABOVE LEFT The wooden fireplace was found at a reclamation yard and painted white (try Designer Fire Surrounds, tel: 0800 019 9008, oakfire surrounds.co.uk). The print is by Bridget Riley and the Jielde floor lamp is from Caravan (£550, tel: 020 7033 3532, caravanstyle.com) THE FRONT LIVING ROOM, ABOVE AND LEFT For a leather sofa in this 60s style, try Metroretro (tel: 01245 363764, metroretro. co.uk). The floor lamp is from Ebay and the coffee table from Two Columbia Road (tel: 020 7729 9933, twocolumbiaroad.co.uk). A vertical radiator lends another dimension, ‘so that it’s not just pictures on the walls,’ says Clare (Bisque’s Finn radiator is similar, from £343, tel: 0845 259 1052, radiatorsuk.com). The vintage Daisy chairs are from Fandango (as before) and the Tuareg rug from Heal’s (£395, tel: 0870 024 0780, heals.co.uk)

THE HALLWAY, ABOVE A ten-foot-high ceiling and original parquet flooring (try Broadleaf, from £48 a metre, tel: 01269 851910, broadleaftimber.com) create an elegant entrance. ‘Moonlight’, a print by Howard Hodgkin, hangs above a junk-yard-find console table which Clare covered in Liberty fabric: ‘I was inspired by Squint’s fabric-covered pieces’ (tel: 020 7739 9275, squintlimited.com). For a similar desk lamp, try BTC’s Task Solo lamp (£287.15, tel: 020 7602 5757, hollowaysofludlow.com). Mark rescued the chandelier from Scott’s restaurant during its refurbishment in 2006; for a similar design, try Philips & Sons in Lighting (tel: 01522 704400, philipsandsonsinlighting.com) ➤

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THE LANDING, ABOVE The walls are decorated with Bridget Riley’s ‘Blue and Pink’ print (above the radiator) and four Patrick Caulfield prints (clockwise, from top left): ‘She Fled Along the Avenue’, ‘She’ll Have Forgotten Her Scarf’, ‘You’ll Be Sick If You Spend All Your Time Indoors’ and ‘All These Confessions...’ (tel: 01572 821424, patrickcaulfieldprints.com)

THE ART OF BUYING ARTWORK ● Mark’s fantastic collection of modern art comes from years of living in London’s East End and getting to know artists such as Tracey Emin and Damien Hirst. ‘I’ve always done exchanges with artists, swapping food for art,’ he says. ‘I like to get to know the artist first and then collect their work. It feels much more personal.’ ● To follow Mark’s lead, visit affordable art fairs, graduate shows and studio open days to get to know the makers behind pieces you love (this can apply as much to a painting as to a table or jug). For dates of fairs in the UK, visit artfacts.net or call 020 8180 5666. ● If you like the style of a particular piece, but it’s been sold or it’s not exactly what you’re looking for, arrange to meet the artist and commission them to create something new for you. For commissioning tips, visit axisweb.org or call 0845 362 8230. ● Limited-edition prints and lithographs, such as Mark’s Patrick Caulfield series, make an affordable alternative to costly original paintings. For inspiration, check out eyestorm.com (tel: 0845 643 2001) or artrepublic.com (tel: 0845 644 5334). 56

THE MAIN BEDROOM, ABOVE ‘I love the calm, quiet feel of this room,’ says Clare. The white paint, which is used throughout the house, creates a light, ‘beachy’ look – try Farrow & Ball’s Wimborne White (£26.50 for 2.5 litres, tel: 01202 876141, farrow-ball.com). The bed is an old design from Ikea; the Hemnes bed is similar (£189, tel: 0845 358 3363, ikea.com). The lamp was found on Ebay and the fan came from After Noah (tel: 020 7359 4281, afternoah.com). A Nina Gehl painting sits on top of the original marble fireplace. The Moroccan table was picked up on Mark’s travels. For a similar chandelier, try Bombay Duck’s Chantal design (£175, tel: 020 8749 3000, bombayduck.co.uk) THE BATHROOM, BELOW LEFT AND CENTRE, leads off the bedroom, divided by a lace curtain bought on Ebay (Pearl Lowe also sells a good selection, pearllowe.co.uk). The Aston Matthews Tivoli cast-iron roll-top bath (£1,303.08, as before) is set on sleeper blocks. A local carpenter built a cabinet around the marble sink that Clare found at Architectural Forum (tel: 020 7704 0982, thearchitecturalforum.com). The mirror came from London’s Greenwich market and the reclaimed taps from Lassco (tel: 020 7394 2100, lassco.co.uk) THE WET ROOM, BELOW FAR RIGHT Entering this space feels like ‘diving into a swimming pool’, says Clare. The existing bathroom was stripped out and the walls were decorated with iridescent glass mosaic tiles (try Fired Earth’s Fleet Blue, £399.89 a square metre, as before). The couple wanted the space to be simple but not white and there is no screen because ‘they feel clumsy and are so difficult to clean,’ says Clare. All the bathroom fittings came from Aston Matthews (as before) y

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FOOD ANGELA MASON

Tips included What you see is what you eat. No unnecessary extras, just the honest treat of asparagus and its best companion flavours (lemon, butter, cream, eggs, ham, cheese) Recipes ANNIE BELL Photographs CHRIS ALACK Food styling KIM MORPHEW Styling SUE RADCLIFFE

SPEAR POINTS To prepare asparagus for cooking, trim the spears where they become visibly tough (or simply snap off the woody parts at the point where you can feel the spears break naturally). If you wish, peel thicker stems as necessary using a potato peeler, to within about 2cm of the base of the tip. If the asparagus comes ready-trimmed, simply tidy the ends. Cook fine asparagus for 2-3 minutes in boiling salted water, and finger-thick asparagus for 4-5 minutes (when done, the thick end of the stems should slice through with ease). If serving the asparagus cold, pass it under the cold tap or plunge it into a sink of cold water to preserve its colour and stop the cooking. If you plan on grilling or cooking it further, reduce the cooking time by a minute or two. 58

YOU 2 MAY 2010

ASPARAGUS AND LEMON SOUP SERVES 6

300g asparagus trimmed weight see method 30g unsalted butter 1 large onion peeled and chopped 1 celery heart trimmed and sliced 200g sugar snap peas coarsely chopped 1 litre chicken stock sea salt and black pepper finely grated zest of 1 lemon plus 1 tbsp lemon juice 100g crème fraîche TO SERVE

extra crème fraîche finely sliced chives 1 Slice the asparagus, including the slightly tougher pale green part that you might normally discard, up to the point where the stems become woody. This should leave you with minimal waste. 2 Melt the butter in a large pan over a medium-low heat, add the onion, celery, asparagus and sugar snaps and fry for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally, until softened and just starting to colour. Add the stock and some seasoning, bring to the boil and simmer for 5 minutes. 3 Purée the contents of the pan in a liquidiser with the lemon zest and juice. Pass through a sieve back into a clean pan, stir in the crème fraîche, taste for seasoning and gently reheat. Serve in warm bowls with a spoon of crème fraîche in the centre and a sprinkling of chives on top. FINISHING TIP You could also reserve a few fine tips of asparagus, cook them briefly for 2-3 minutes until just tender and serve scattered over. ➤

YOU 2 MAY 2010

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ASPARAGUS AND HAM PARCELS WITH CRISPY CRUMBS SERVES 4

300g finger-thick asparagus trimmed weight olive oil sea salt and black pepper 8 slices parma or other air-dried ham 125g feta 1 large slice day-old rustic white bread crusts removed 2 tsp thyme leaves 1 Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil, add the asparagus and simmer for 3 minutes, then drain it into a colander, pass under the cold tap and leave to cool. Toss with 1 tbsp oil and some seasoning. 2 Preheat the oven to 220C/200C fan/gas 7. Lay a few asparagus spears across one end of each slice of ham, with the tips protruding above the fat. Cut the feta across into thin strips about 8cm long. Lay a slice of feta on top of the asparagus within the ham, then roll up into a parcel and arrange in a row in a roasting dish, feta-upwards. 3 Whiz the bread to coarse crumbs in a food processor, and toss in a bowl with 1 tbsp oil and the thyme. Scatter over and around the parcels. Drizzle over a little more oil and bake for 15-20 minutes until the crumbs are golden. SERVING TIP

A couple of these make an easy starter, or you could enjoy rather more of them between two of you, with some warmed flat-bread and a tomato salad. ➤

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YOU 2 MAY 2010

CHICKEN AND ASPARAGUS PIE WITH MINTY POTATOES SERVES 6 FILLING

sea salt and black pepper 12 free-range chicken thighs see Shopping Tip below olive oil 3 garlic cloves peeled and crushed to a paste 3 heaped tbsp plain flour 150ml white wine 225ml chicken stock or water 4 sprigs thyme 2 wide strips lemon zest 125g crème fraîche 150g fine asparagus spears trimmed weight 100g fresh shelled peas TOPPING

1.3kg medium or large waxy potatoes such as charlotte 4 tbsp coarsely chopped mint plus a few leaves extra 1 For the filling: season the chicken generously all over. Heat 1 tbsp olive oil in a large pan over a medium-high heat and colour the chicken pieces on both sides, half at a time. Just before the end of cooking the second batch, drain off all but a tbsp of the fat, then stir in the garlic and cook for a moment. Return all the chicken to the pan, sprinkle over the flour and turn the chicken to coat it. Add the wine, which will thicken as it blends with the flour, and let this bubble for a moment. Pour in the chicken stock or water and stir (don’t worry about a few tiny lumps – the sauce is sieved at the end). Add the thyme and lemon zest. Bring the sauce to a simmer (the chicken will be semi-submerged), cover and cook over a low heat for 30 minutes, stirring once. 2 Remove the chicken pieces to a bowl. Once they are cool enough to handle, remove and discard the skin and coarsely shred the flesh into a large bowl. Strain the sauce into a small nonstick pan. Simmer to reduce by about half, then stir in the crème fraîche and adjust the seasoning. Pour this over the chicken and stir to combine. 3 Cut the asparagus diagonally into 3cm-4cm long pieces. Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil, add the asparagus and peas and cook for 2 minutes, then drain and stir into the chicken mixture. Transfer this to a suitable ovenproof dish (eg, measuring 20cm x 30cm) or use individual pie dishes. YOU 2 MAY 2010

4 Prepare the topping at the same time. Peel and cut up the potatoes and cook in a large pan of salted boiling water until tender. Drain into a colander and leave for a few minutes for the surface moisture to evaporate. Mash the potatoes very coarsely, partly chopping them with the side of the masher. Stir in 3 tbsp olive oil and some salt. 5 To finish, preheat the oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Stir the chopped mint into the potato and scatter this over the filling. Scatter a few extra mint leaves over and drizzle with a little more oil. Bake for 40-45 minutes or until golden and crisp on top. (If making small pies, reduce the time accordingly.) SHOPPING TIP If you happen to be cooking with a mixed bag of chicken pieces, drumsticks can also be used in lieu of some of the thighs. Because the pie comes with vegetables included, there is no need, really, for anything else. ➤

MORE ON THE WEB STALKS AND ALL

TRY OUR DINNER IN A DASH... FIND THE RECIPE FOR MINUTE STEAKS WITH GRILLED ASPARAGUS AND CHEAT’S BEARNAISE AT YOU.CO.UK

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ASPARAGUS WITH PEA SHOOTS AND MOZZARELLA SERVES 4

150g fine asparagus trimmed weight 2 x 125g-150g buffalo mozzarellas 4 handfuls pea shoots olive oil white balsamic vinegar sea salt 1 heaped tbsp small capers rinsed

ASPARAGUS AND SMOKED SALMON FRITTATA SERVES 4

200g finger-thick asparagus trimmed weight 100g sliced smoked salmon 6 medium eggs 1 ⁄2 tsp finely grated lemon zest plus 1 tbsp lemon juice 2 tsp finely chopped medium-hot red chilli 4 tbsp coarsely chopped flat-leaf parsley 2 tbsp olive oil 1 Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil, add the asparagus and simmer for 4-5 minutes until just tender, then drain into a colander and pass under a cold tap, then set aside. 2 Cut the smoked salmon into

strips 3cm-4cm wide. Whisk the eggs in a large bowl, then whisk in the lemon zest and juice, the chilli and 3 tbsp of the parsley. Gently mix in the salmon and the asparagus spears. 3 Preheat a grill on high, and also heat a 22cm frying pan with a heatproof handle over a medium heat. Add 1 tbsp oil to the pan, tip in the frittata mixture, levelling the asparagus, and cook for 3 minutes. 4 Scatter the remaining parsley over the top, drizzle over another tbsp oil and place under the grill for 3-4 minutes until golden and puffy at the sides. The frittata can be eaten hot or at room temperature.

1 Bring a medium-size pan of salted water to the boil, add the asparagus and simmer for about 3 minutes until just tender. Drain into a colander, pass under the cold tap to stop further cooking and set aside to cool. 2 Tear the mozzarellas into pieces. 3 Arrange the pea shoots, asparagus and mozzarella on 4 plates. Drizzle over a little oil and a few drops of balsamic vinegar, scatter over a pinch of salt and some capers.

ASPARAGUS WITH POACHED EGG AND PARMESAN ● Bring two large pans of water to the boil. Allow about 100g of trimmed asparagus spears per person, and cook in salted boiling water for 2-3 minutes for thin spears, 4-5 minutes for thicker, then toss with a generous amount of salted butter. Acidulate the second pan of water with a slug of white-wine or cider vinegar, and keep it just below a simmer, stirring it into a slow whirlpool. Allowing one egg per person, break them one at a time into the water. Once they rise to the surface, trim the ragged tails of white and cook for a couple of minutes longer, so about

4 minutes in total until set on the outside and runny within. Remove with a slotted utensil and serve on top of the buttered asparagus spears, showered in grated parmesan and with a grinding of black pepper if liked. Serve with warm granary bread. y

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When it comes to taking care of your wellbeing, there’s lots you can do – such as making exercise, diet and lifestyle changes – to improve your chances of remaining fit and healthy into old age

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e’d all like to think we’ll be healthy and active as we get older, but it’s a sad truth that the UK has one of the highest rates of death from heart disease in the world – one British woman in every six dies from the disease, with approximately 300,000 Britons suffering a heart attack every year. According to the World Health Organisation, cardiovascular disease (CVD) is predicted to remain the number-one global cause of mortality for decades, yet CVD is largely prevented by positive changes to diet and lifestyle. It sounds too good to be true, but by improving our daily habits – such as eating a healthier diet, taking regular exercise and abstaining from smoking – we can all minimise the risk of becoming yet another statistic. One of the manageable factors when it comes to our wellbeing is our cholesterol level: yet more than half the population in most Western

PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE In the UK, some 47 per cent of deaths from heart disease in women are linked to high cholesterol, while 38 per cent are associated with a lack of physical activity, and six per cent are caused by being very overweight*. By making some simple lifestyle changes, you can reduce your risk of getting coronary heart disease; where heart disease is concerned, prevention is deﬁnitely better than cure. * www.nhs.uk/conditions/Coronary-heart-disease/Pages/ Introduction.aspx

Efﬁcacy of Flora pro.activ versus other cholesterol-lowering foods

countries has cholesterol levels higher than desirable. So, what can we do to actively make that change for ourselves? HELP YOURSELF TO HEALTH Replacing the saturated fats in our diet with polyunsaturates is a simple ﬁrst step towards helping to lower cholesterol levels, while incorporating speciﬁc foods with cholesterol-lowering beneﬁts into our diet – such as those containing plant sterols and soluble ﬁbre – can enhance the effectiveness of a typical healthy diet, with a controlled energy intake and low levels of saturated fat. In fact, plant sterols are clinically proven to lower cholesterol by ten per cent – and up to a further ﬁve per cent, when combined with the move to a healthier diet and lifestyle.

F L O R A P R O - A C T I V QA D V E R T I S E M E N T F E A T U R E

ya Diet and lifestyle pla ntion of key role in the preve se cardiovascular disea WHAT ARE PLANT STEROLS? Plant sterols occur naturally in plantbased foods, especially in nuts, vegetable oils, grains and leafy vegetables, and their cholesterol-lowering effects (by inhibiting the absorption of cholesterol from the gut into the bloodstream) have been recognised for more than 50 years. In fact, international dietary guidelines now recommend including two grammes (g) of plant sterols every day in your diet, to help lower cholesterol. However, a typical Western diet provides on average just 0.15-0.31g plant sterols a day, while those who consume plant sterol-rich foods in abundance, such as those on vegetarian diets, only average 0.6g plant sterols daily. BE PROACTIVE Thankfully, there is an alternative way to incorporate plant sterols into your diet. Flora pro.activ spreads, mini drinks,

milk and yogurts are speciﬁcally designed for those of us who would like to actively lower our cholesterol levels through dietary change. All Flora pro.activ products are enriched with plant sterols sourced from vegetable oils proven in 40 clinical studies to signiﬁcantly lower cholesterol. By consuming just three servings from a combination of the Flora pro.activ spreads, milk or yogurt, or one mini drink (three servings in one) every day, it’s easy to achieve the optimum daily intake of plant sterols to help lower cholesterol levels. Flora pro.activ: take the simple step to help yourself to health. As heart disease has multiple risk factors, you may need to improve more than one to reduce your overall risk.

The Flora pro.activ family To reach the optimal daily plant sterol intake, you can choose to eat and/or drink one of the following options: t TFSWJOHT PG 'MPSB QSPBDUJW GPPET FOPVHI TQSFBE -JHIU 0MJWF PS #VUUFSZ options) for 2 slices of bread (10g or 2 tsp), 1 medium glass (250ml) of skimmed milk,

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1 pot (125ml) of yogurt (Strawberry, Apricot, 1SVOF PS 3BTQCFSSZ nBWPVS FBDI TFSWJOH DPOUBJOT H PG QMBOU TUFSPMT 03 t 'MPSB QSPBDUJW NJOJ ESJOL 0SJHJOBM Strawberry, or Pomegranate & Raspberry nBWPVS FBDI NJOJ ESJOL DPOUBJOT H PG QMBOU TUFSPMT

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HEALTH NOTES

THE PUP SAVED BY NEEDLE POWER s I’ve written before, I’m a firm believer in the healing power of acupuncture, where very fine needles are inserted into specific points of the body. Recently, I talked to dog-owner Anthony Pahita from North London, who told me how this ancient and well-researched therapy has worked a ‘miracle’ on Kai, his much-loved french bull mastiff who was seriously ill with little hope of recovery. ‘When I took Kai to the park one day,’ Anthony told me, ‘I noticed a little wobble in his back legs. It got worse as the week went on. One day, he just collapsed, with his back legs doing the splits. He was only eight months old.’ Anthony took Kai to the Queen Mother Hospital for Animals near Potters Bar where, after two MRI scans (costing about £2,000), Kai was diagnosed with wobbler disease (aka wobbler syndrome), a progressive condition affecting the cervical (neck) vertebrae in the spinal column. The vertebrae pinch the spinal cord, causing weakness and a wobbly gait in dogs (usually large breeds, especially great danes and dobermans) and horses. The MRI scan revealed that Kai had two vertebrae compressing nerves. Anthony was told that surgery was the only option (costing about £5,500 for the first operation) but that there was ‘a high chance Kai wouldn’t make it through the anaesthetic and, if he did, he wouldn’t be able to walk for three months. They all said it was better to put him down.’ By that point, Kai couldn’t even stand up to pee, but Anthony was determined to investigate alternatives. ‘Someone at the hospital told me that, rather than giving him steroids for the pain,

A

HELP IN THE PIPELINE With pollen counts forecast to be early and high, hay-fever sufferers might like to investigate the Saltpipe, £29.99 – an inhaler with natural salt crystals that has been shown in small trials to ease respiratory symptoms and help patients breathe more easily. It’s also said to help asthma (but not as a replacement for conventional drugs), colds and snoring. I find the supplement Aller-DMG helps my hayfever; it’s said to help reduce histamine levels and the intensity of the allergic reaction. £15.32 for 60 tablets, from Victoria Health, tel: 0800 389 8195, victoriahealth.com.

acupuncture might help – without side effects. Last July, I took him to Richard Allport at the Natural Medicine Centre in Potters Bar [naturalmedicinecentre.co.uk].’ After just two sessions, ‘the transformation was incredible. Kai went from being almost totally disabled to running around in the park. Now he will jump two or three feet in the air for a ball. Touch wood, he has just got better and better. He still has a tiny arch in his back and a little hop in his back legs when he runs – but before, he couldn’t run.’ While the condition cannot be cured, Anthony believes it’s ‘truly under control’. As well as maintenance sessions of acupuncture (which doesn’t bother Kai), he takes anti-inflammatory herbs in the form of Yarrow Complex, homoeopathic causticum for stiffness and pain, plus vitamin E to help nerve function. Richard says that, in his experience, combining acupuncture with appropriate supplements helps any musculoskeletal and nervous conditions, including epilepsy, arthritis, sprained joints and even ruptured cruciate ligaments, as well as general nervous problems. Although money ‘meant nothing’ to Anthony when it came to treating Kai, £76 for a session of acupuncture (which also seems to have a healing effect on damaged tissue, according to Richard Allport) compares very favourably with the thousands of pounds that surgery and drugs would have entailed. But his main thrill is that Kai is alive and bouncing: ‘If you saw him then and now, you wouldn’t believe the transformation.’

SARAH STACEY

E-mail Sarah at [email protected] Sarah reads all your e-mails but regrets that she cannot answer them all personally

Illustration NILA AYE

CUSHION THE BLOW Clinical nurse specialist in breast care Mared Williams of Ysbyty Gwynedd Hospital recommends the Paradise Pillow – a ‘comfortable and comforting’ satin pillow that’s designed to tie under the arms of patients recovering from breast surgery. Designer Linda Simcox was given a similar pillow during her breast cancer treatment in 2007 and found it such a help that she decided to produce her own. Mared says her patients love them. ‘Breast surgery often involves the armpit as well as the breast and the whole area is very sensitive. This is nicely shaped and thick enough to use at night, in the car and even out shopping, in case you get bumped.’ £9.50, plus £3 p&p, from paradisepillows.co.uk.

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YOU 2 MAY 2010

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READING GROUP JOHN KOSKI

THIS MONTH’S CHOICE A CHANGE IN ALTITUDE BY ANITA SHREVE (Abacus, £6.99) New marriages can be as fragile as porcelain, easily fractured by a thoughtless act or the jealous misinterpretation of an innocent gesture. Patrick and Margaret McColgan, married for just a few months, begin their new life together in the 1970s with what promises to be a big adventure – a year living and working in Kenya. But Patrick, a doctor researching tropical diseases, and Margaret, a photographer, have as much to discover about each other as they do about a country which is scarred by corruption, violence and poverty. When their neighbours, Arthur and Diana, suggest climbing Mount Kenya with another couple, Margaret reluctantly falls in with Patrick’s enthusiasm for the expedition. But she is right to be concerned about a climb which, although perfectly achievable, still presents a daunting challenge combined with the danger of debilitating altitude sickness. Moreover, they don’t really know the other two couples, and there’s something about the attention that Arthur pays to Margaret which is unsettling. When tragedy strikes on the mountain, Margaret finds herself being blamed, which results in a rift with her husband. But is she responsible? And can the fault line in their marriage be repaired? This is great storytelling, combining tense physical action with an absorbing emotional journey. ORDER TODAY FOR A GREAT PRICE! You can buy A Change in Altitude for just £4.99, including delivery, until 30 July 2010. To order, call the YOU Bookshop on 0845 155 0711, or visit youreadinggroup.co.uk, where you will also find suggested topics for discussion and an article by Anita Shreve about the themes of her widely praised novel. All of our previous year’s book choices are there too, with exclusive comments from each of the authors to help you get the most from your reading. You can also order by post from the YOU Bookshop, 1 Broadland Business Park, Norwich NR7 0WF, making cheques payable to YOU Bookshop.

SIGN UP FOR MORE BOOK BARGAINS As well as our monthly Reading Group choice, we have other great money-saving book bargains you’ll want to know about. Just go to youreadinggroup.co.uk/signup, fill in your details and we’ll e-mail you news of our latest offers as soon as they come in. It couldn’t be simpler and there’s no obligation.

70

YOU 2 MAY 2010

crossword JOHN KOSKI

NO 1,176

£325 TO BE WON THE FIRST CORRECT ENTRY OPENED WINS £100, AND THE NEXT NINE CORRECT ENTRIES WIN £25 EACH. SEND YOUR ENTRIES TO YOU CROSSWORD No 1,176, PO BOX 3451, NORWICH NR7 7NR. CLOSING DATE IS THURSDAY 13 MAY. WINNERS WILL BE NOTIFIED BY POST. SOLUTION IN TWO WEEKS.

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FOR RECENT WINNERS LIST ONLY, SEND AN SAE TO YOU CROSSWORD, MAIL ON SUNDAY PROMOTIONS, NORTHCLIFFE HOUSE, 2 DERRY STREET, LONDON W8 5TS. NO CROSSWORD ENTRIES TO THIS ADDRESS

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NAME ........................................................................................... ADDRESS ................................................................................... .......................................................................................................... .......................................................................................................... ..........................................................................................................

ACROSS 7 Encouraged, stirred up, provoked to action (7) 8 Split apart, not united (7) 10 Disorganised brawl, argument (4,3,3) 11 (and 12 across, 26 across, 2 down and 4 down) Proverb about the absence of authority (4,3,3,2,4,3,4,4,4) 12 See 11 across 14 Unfasten (6) 15 Categorising, ranking (11) 19 Desk or writing table with drawers for papers (6) 20 Investigated, reviewed (8) YOU 2 MAY 2010

22 Left side of a ship (4) 23 Process of making a liquid clean (10) 25 Avert, forestall (7) 26 See 11 across

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or other filling put inside a chicken prior to cooking (8) Gossip, hearsay (7) Commonwealth country in southern Africa (7) Astute, judicious (6) Games, playthings (4)

1 Disorder, 21 lawlessness (7) 2 See 11 across 24 3 Pious, orthodox (6) 4 See 11 across 5 Positions of observation SOLUTION TO CROSSWORD N o 1,174 (10) L M A H L R F I N E S S E D AMA G E D 6 Young hare B N S C R D P (7) B R I DG E P O R T Y A L E A N N F K I 9 Scathingly, B R I GH T ON O P I N E D Y E E R L D critically (11) MO L L Y C O D D L E 13 Combined, E R E T E E E N I GMA I G NO R AN T cumulative D E P C A H (10) NUM B F R U I T S A L A D R U R T U J N 16 Seasoned P E N S I O N T R U A NC Y D H G E X E breadcrumbs 1

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HOROSCOPES

Illustration ANDREW BANNECKER

SALLY BROMPTON

TAURUS 21 APRIL-21 MAY

CAPRICORN 22 DEC-20 JAN

One of your good ideas will impress the powers that be this week and enable you to run rings around the opposition. With Mercury, planet of the mind, in your birth sign perfectly aligned with Pluto, planet of power, the strength of your beliefs will help you to overcome any obstacles. On the home front you will need to tread a bit more cautiously, especially on Tuesday when a challenging aspect between the Taurus Sun and aggressive Mars warns you not to interfere in things you don’t understand – the potential for conflict is very real. Good though your advice may be, it is unlikely to be welcome. So give your opinion only when it is asked for and even then try not to be too forceful. Get it right and your ruler Venus, planet of harmony, will ensure that by the end of the week, all will be sweetness and light once again.

You may have serious things to deal with this week but according to the cosmic setup, you won’t be in a serious mood, and that could lead to conflicts if those you live and work with think you are shirking your responsibilities. Don’t make a war of it but don’t allow yourself to be bullied either. You have a right to have fun.

CANCER 22 JUNE-23 JULY

LIBRA 24 SEPT-23 OCT

If you expect things to go wrong this week they will. Your thoughts create your world and with communicative Mercury linked to obsessive Pluto, if those thoughts are unhelpful then others will behave in unhelpful ways. Since you seem to need all the help you can get at the moment, that would be unproductive to say the least.

Don’t worry too much if you find it hard getting through to friends or loved ones this week. If they seem cold or distant, it’s not because of something you have done – they just have some heavy things on their minds, which makes it hard for them to be communicative and cheerful. Be patient – they should feel better by the end of the week.

For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3443

For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3446

LEO 24 JULY-23 AUG

SCORPIO 24 OCT-22 NOV

With the Sun, your ruler, in the success angle of your chart linked this week to energetic Mars in your sign, someone in authority will be highly impressed by your capacity for hard work and will reward you with the kind of offer that makes it all worthwhile. It will, of course, mean even more hard work – but nothing that you cannot handle.

With your aggressive dual rulers Mars and Pluto particularly active this week, the people you live and work with will make demands on your time and because you are behind in other things you may get a little irritable. A more sensible approach would be to offer partners and colleagues a pact: you will help them if they help you.

For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3441

For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3444

For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3447

GEMINI 22 MAY-21 JUNE

VIRGO 24 AUG-23 SEPT

SAGITTARIUS 23 NOV-21 DEC

You may be stopped from pursuing a certain course of action this week but ultimately you will be glad that those responsible put obstacles in your path. In the meantime, a lively Sun-Mars union urges you to clear your mind of negative thoughts and avoid letting personal difficulties interfere with your social plans. As if you would!

If you want something enough, you can make it happen this week. But it is more likely to happen if you plan things carefully instead of rushing here, there and everywhere. With impatient Mars and driven Pluto influencing your chart, you need to slow down and think about what you are trying to achieve. It’s what you’re good at.

You may be worried that a work or financial matter is too big for you to handle but worrying never made anything better. Now a potent aspect between realistic Mercury and powerful Pluto urges you to think logically and you will realise that you have overcome trickier situations than this. It’s not as big a deal as you seem to think.

For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3442

For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3445

For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3448

DON’T MISS Sally’s daily horoscopes by text Sign up to our texting service and you will receive Sally’s daily horoscope on your mobile phone from Monday to Saturday. It couldn’t be simpler to subscribe: just text the name of your star sign to 65700. 72

ARIES to 65700 TAURUS to 65700 GEMINI to 65700 CANCER to 65700

LEO to 65700 VIRGO to 65700 LIBRA to 65700 SCORPIO to 65700

SAGITTARIUS to 65700 CAPRICORN to 65700 AQUARIUS to 65700 PISCES to 65700

YOU WILL RECEIVE A MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGING YOUR SUBSCRIPTION. TEXT MESSAGES WILL BE SENT BETWEEN MONDAY AND SATURDAY (NOT INCLUDING PUBLIC HOLIDAYS). YOUR FIRST MESSAGE WILL COST £1.50 AND THE ADDITIONAL FIVE MESSAGES THAT YOU WILL RECEIVE DAILY ARE INCLUDED IN THIS CHARGE (EQUIVALENT TO 25P PER MESSAGE). YOU WILL THEN RECEIVE A MESSAGE CHARGED AT £1.50 EVERY SEVEN DAYS WHICH WILL ENTITLE YOU TO A FURTHER WEEK OF HOROSCOPES. TO UNSUBSCRIBE TEXT STOP TO 65700. SALLY’S SEVEN-DAY FORECASTS WILL APPEAR EACH WEEK IN YOU.

Visit Sally’s website at sallybrompton.com CALLS COST 60P PER MINUTE FROM A BT LANDLINE. OTHER NETWORKS AND MOBILES MAY VARY

For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3449

AQUARIUS 21 JAN-19 FEB Relatives and loved ones seem to be under the impression that you will ride to their rescue every time they get into trouble, but they are likely to be disappointed this week as you will be in no mood to put other people’s needs ahead of your own. It will do them good to realise that it is time they started looking after themselves.

For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3450

PISCES 20 FEB-20 MARCH Some things in life just happen and your solar chart suggests that what happens over the next few days has got nothing to do with good or bad, or right or wrong. So don’t blame yourself if others are suffering while you seem to be doing all right. You are not, and cannot be, responsible for every little thing that goes wrong.

For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3451

ARIES 21 MARCH-20 APRIL You can learn a lot from others’ mistakes and what you learn over the next seven days could prove invaluable in the weeks and months ahead. That will be even more the case if you are involved in activities where you have to deal with people whose personalities are about as different from yours as it is possible to get.

For a fuller horoscope, tel: 0906 651 3440 YOU 2 MAY 2010

YOUR PROBLEMS ANSWERED ZELDA WEST-MEADS

I CAN’T COPE WITH MY DAD’S MOOD SWINGS ANY MORE My parents are arguing a lot and I am terrified that they are going to split up. I am a 15-year-old girl and have lived a comfortable life with them but now my dad is stressed out because he is out of work, and my mum is finding it hard being the breadwinner. Dad’s previous marriage broke up. He has dramatic mood swings and shouts at me and my mum. It’s impossible to talk to him and I am seriously upset by his behaviour. I am sure your mother would want you to talk to her, so please do. Hopefully she can reassure you that, although things are difﬁcult at the moment, it does not mean they are splitting up. All marriages go through testing times but that doesn’t mean that they are going to end in divorce. Your father should not be shouting at you and your mother. The recession is really taking its toll on relationships, especially when it means that money is tight. If a man loses his job, he can feel as though he is a complete failure, even if it is not his fault. Your dad is probably worried about money and feeling guilty that your mum now has to be the breadwinner, but perhaps he can’t quite admit it. If both parents start to blame each other, it can lead to constant rows. Maybe your mum could talk to your dad about it or, if you think that this will be too difﬁcult, suggest that they have joint counselling. Visit relate.org.uk for more information and support for you – they also run a counselling service for young people (tel: 0300 100 1234).

Illustration MARTIN WELCH

HOW DO I CONVINCE HER TO MOVE ON? When my father died last year, he left his house to me and my sister. We are not close. She moved in with my father after her divorce many years ago. I have to retire because my wife’s health is not good, and financially it is going to be difficult. The house is worth £400,000 but my sister doesn’t work and can’t afford to buy me out. There are a lot of external repairs to do which are covered by insurance and the estate agent has told me that if I redecorate inside, it will be worth more and easier to sell. I am happy to do this but my sister is absolutely against it. Do you think her refusal is a ploy to stop the house being sold? How can I persuade her? It will be hard for her to lose her home but she can’t expect you to give up your share – you are not well-off either. If it turns out that she is trying to prevent a sale then you should take legal advice, but I suspect it’s more about not wanting the upheaval. Estate agents YOU 2 MAY 2010

say that first impressions are terribly important. Suggest a compromise where you decorate just the hall and downstairs rooms and get the outside looking good. Explain that you could do the inside quickly when required. You could suggest that she stays with you or put her up in a bed and breakfast while you decorate. If she continues to resist, make the external repairs and get on with the sale. People can usually see beyond a shabby appearance.

MY PARTNER CAN’T GET AN ERECTION I have been in a wonderful relationship for two years, but my partner, who is 50, suffers from erectile dysfunction. He has never been able to keep up with my sex drive and doesn’t even have morning erections. He drinks more than average and smokes but he doesn’t think he has a problem and has no other worries. I love him so much – how should I offer my support? Many men deny they have erection problems because of the embarrassment factor and because

they are shy about seeking help. Smoking and drinking too much could be contributing to his difficulties. A lack of morning erections can indicate that there is a physical problem. Start by being very reassuring about how much you love and fancy him and how happy you are with him. Then tell him you have noticed that he is not getting a full erection and that this is quite a common problem. Ask him to talk to his GP to identify the cause. Then he can discuss what help is available – for example, oral medication such as Viagra or Cialis, or testosterone treatment. For further information, contact the Sexual Advice Association (tel: 020 7486 7262, sda.uk.net)

NO ONE COMPARES TO MY DREAM EX My boyfriend and I recently broke up after 18 months together. Although the relationship wasn’t perfect he is everything I want in a man, and I am finding it hard to get over him. He broke it off but I still believe that we could have a chance and he will change his mind. I want there to be a

future for us but I don’t think there will be, as he is almost certain we won’t get back together. How can I make myself accept that he doesn’t want me any more? I fear that I will always compare any man I meet to him. You are clinging on to a dream. Instead of telling you it is absolutely over, he is inadvertently feeding your dreams by saying he is almost sure you won’t get back together. I suspect that he is trying to let you down gently, but leaving you that glimmer of hope is not helping you to move on. Try to let go. When you do start to date someone, focus on the things that are really good about them and remind yourself of the things that were not so good about the past relationship, rather than thinking about what might have been.

CONTACT ZELDA If you have a problem, write to Zelda at YOU, Northcliffe House, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TS, or e-mail [email protected] Zelda reads all your letters but regrets that she cannot answer them all personally

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LIZ JONES’S DIARY

IN WHICH I HAVE A NOT-GOOD FRIDAY he weather has brightened a little, which means Lizzie can have her rug off during the day. It’s still cold, though. I must be getting old because I keep saying things to myself like, ‘Ooh, I think it’s warmer out than in.’ Grace Kelly has just had her first birthday, a landmark that unfortunately hasn’t stopped her stress-weeing indoors. Sarah Jessica Parker has taken a shine to Gracie: she keeps washing her. Poor Grace just lies there, looking at me as if to say, ‘Help!’ Mini Puppy has become very attached to me, and gets jealous if I give attention to anyone else: she sits on my lap, vibrating like a mobile phone if anyone shoves a long, black and white nose in my direction. On Friday, which happened to be Good Friday – a misnomer if ever there was one – I phoned my bank, NatWest, to check the state of my account. ‘You’re £500 over your overdraft limit,’ the young man said crossly. I have no credit on any of my cards; each month, the interest wipes me out. I looked in my Burberry wallet: a £5 note, a £2 coin and a White Company button. I rummaged in my cupboards (I don’t have a fridge, so no point looking in there): there was a tiny amount of rice, a few strands of spaghetti and a tin of tomato soup – something I haven’t eaten since 1965; it must have come with the house. The dogs were dangerously low on food. I drove down to the garage. I calculated I could buy one bottle of cava or ten cans of dog food. I plumped for the latter, although the decision took a while. If only the chickens could put on a spurt; if only something edible would emerge in the vegetable garden. I thought of all the money I’ve wasted in the past, not just on me – Bottega Veneta clutch, a £6,000 antique chest of drawers from Nicole Farhi – but on other people. The thing is, if you have a (from the outside) high-profile, glamorous job and no children, everyone assumes your purpose in life is to pay for everything. I have only come across two people who would wrestle with me to

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pay if we met for dinner or drinks. I have a female friend who runs her own business; she, like me, has always worked too hard to have time for a family. She told me the other day she has only ever met one person in her entire career – er, me – who offered to pay the bill when she met them for lunch. And so, here I am, a long weekend stretching ahead and no one to talk to and no food. This is scary. This is worse than when I was starting out in journalism and was paid so little that I survived on the free peanut butter samples at Neal’s Yard. This is worse than when I was supporting a husband and had to pawn my Rolex so we could eat. Even when I was living with Trevor (high-waisted trousers/TCP for aftershave) I was always having to sell my CDs to raise cash. All my life, people have treated me like an ATM: ‘Ooh, there’s Liz. Never mind that she works 75 hours a week and doesn’t have a pension, let’s extract some money.’ I’m finally starting to understand human nature. I had thought the nicer you were to people, the nicer they’d be back. Actually, the reverse is true. I’m one of seven children and when I ventured, once, that perhaps we might all split the cost of my mum’s care rather than me footing the entire bill, one of my sisters wailed, ‘You want to put her in a home!!!! I have a chiillllldddddd!’ When I was a boss with about 30 female employees, I would give them pay rises and Friday afternoons off. But no one (bar Kerry) was ever grateful or loyal. They would always march into my office, teary-eyed, and say they refused to move desks/were off to a rival magazine/were off on yet another maternity leave. I have learnt, too late, that people only ever think of themselves. Well, for the first time in my life, and if I manage to survive the next two weeks, I’m going to put my own wellbeing first. After the animals, obviously. Were I not a vegan, the chickens might be looking a little nervous right now. E-mail Liz at [email protected]

I could afford one bottle of cava or ten cans of dog food. I plumped for the latter but the decision took a while

Illustration BEE MURPHY

DEMENTED JACKY FLEMING

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YOU is published by Associated Newspapers Ltd, Northcliffe House, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TS, and printed by Polestar Sheffield, Shepcote Lane, Tinsley, Sheffield, South Yorkshire S9 1RF. Colour transparencies or any other materials submitted are sent at the owner’s risk. © Copyright Associated Newspapers Ltd 2010

YOU 2 MAY 2010