You and Me and the Moon

YOU AND ME AND THE MOON

…He took another step, and a treacherous voice asked, Are you sure this is the right direction? He didn’t know if it was the right direction. It seemed like it was the right direction, and at least he wasn’t running around in circles screaming in terror. Why had he chosen the mountains? Why had he chosen to storm off at sunset? How long had been out there? Maybe an hour and a half? Long enough for Luke to start worrying about him? Noah sincerely hoped so. The trembling didn’t stop as he walked. He didn’t hear the growl anymore, but he was sure feeling it. Like it had worked its way under his flesh and vibrated through his bones, echoing over and over again. What sort of animals were even around? Were there bears in Southern California? What about mountain lions? He was pretty sure there were no wolves, but not one hundred percent sure. He wasn’t a zoologist after all. He didn’t keep track of the wolf population throughout the western United States. What if he died on the side of the mountain? What if a cougar tore him apart and ate his intestines? He hadn’t prepared at all for that sort of thing. He didn’t even have a will. Worse, he had left the room angry at Luke for something so completely insignificant as the time of their dinner. That had seemed absolutely critical at the time, but since his stomach was twisted in too many knots to even feel hunger anymore, it was hard to remember why he had ever cared so much. He just wanted to see Luke again. That was it. That was all. He just wanted to see his friend’s smile and feel his lover’s touch…

ALSO BY P EPPER ESPINOZA …And To Hold A Busted Afternoon The Devil Went Down To Georgia Elected A Farewell To Angels Forward Progress Four O’Clock Fumble Recovery (Just Like) Starting Over The Major And The Minor Making Waves Maybe I’m Amazed My Only Home The Obsolete Man Peanut Butter Kisses The Prince Who Never Smiled Quarterback Sneak The Streets Of Florence Surrender’s Edge To Bend

YOU AND ME AND THE MOON BY PEPPER ESPINOZA

AMBER Q UILL PRESS, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com

YOU AND ME AND T HE MOON AN AMBER QUILL PRESS BOOK This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental. Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review. Copyright © 2010 by Pepper Espinoza ISBN 978-1-60272-683-3 Cover Art © 2010 Trace Edward Zaber

Layout and Formatting provided by: Elemental Alchemy

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

YOU AND ME AND THE MOON

CHAPTER 1 “They’re expecting us by six,” Noah said without taking his attention from the road. “Apparently, the woman who runs the bedand-breakfast always goes to bed by eight so she can get up early enough to fix breakfast. Actually, that’s why I picked this place, even though the kitchen isn’t open for dinner. I figured you’d appreciate somebody making waffles for you for a change…and will you cut it out?” Luke looked up. “Cut what out? I’m not doing anything.” “You’ve been checking your phone every five minutes. Literally, every five minutes. It’s annoying,” Noah said. “I’m still listening to you.” “What did I just say?” “That you picked this bed-and-breakfast for the waffles.” 1

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Noah sighed. “Not quite, but close enough. You know, you’ve got your volume turned all the way up. If she calls, you’ll hear it.” “I’m scared I’m going to miss her because you keep talking.” Noah’s lips thinned. He knew it would be difficult for Luke to leave Lily for the weekend to go on a much needed, and much deserved, vacation. He reminded himself to be patient. They had never spent a whole weekend apart, and Luke was very protective of his daughter. Her first day of kindergarten had been a nightmare for both of them. But she was five and a half years old. She could handle two nights and three days without her father. Especially since she hadn’t seen Marty since her birthday. “Marty said they’d call you when she went to bed. Her bedtime isn’t for another two hours.” “What if we don’t get reception? You said we’re going into the mountains. The phone could be dead.” “Then you call her from the room and give her the number to the landline.” Noah looked at him from the corner of his eye. “You know, people did survive without cell phones for several decades.” “Were you saying you wanted to go to dinner after we checked in?” “Yeah, I was going to. There’s a really nice restaurant with amazing food.” “Do you have reservations?” “No, they’re not necessary.” “Maybe we should go over there at eight-thirty then.” Noah sighed softly. He was starving and he had been looking forward all week to sitting down to a nice, romantic meal with Luke. Just the two of them. Sharing food and stories and jokes. Maybe even dirty jokes. Flirting with each other like they were a couple of kids on a date. He had never played footsie under the 2

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table with anybody. He would have liked to try that. He loved Lily completely—maybe even as much as Luke did. But he still wanted—needed—adult time. But this weekend had been four months in the making. What was another two hours if it gave Luke some peace of mind? “That’s fine. You know, it’s not like this is the first time Marty has watched her.” “It’s the first time she’s watched her in California.” Noah let that statement sink in, trying to guess Luke’s meaning. Finally he was forced to ask, “So?” “She might not know where everything is.” “You showed her where everything is. Plus, you left a list of numbers on the fridge that has every doctor’s office in the area, not to mention poison control. And all of Lily’s favorite places to eat. Marty is a smart woman, Luke. She can handle this.” Luke didn’t respond, and Noah didn’t know if he should take his silence as agreement or annoyance. Noah was more than a little annoyed himself. His neck and cheeks were flushed, and a part of him already regretted suggesting they take a weekend together. Planning a family getaway instead wouldn’t have allowed for any time alone together, but at least Luke wouldn’t have been so anxious. Noah knew he was right about everything, but that didn’t make the situation any better. It wasn’t as though he could just say, “Chill the fuck out already, will ya?” When planning the trip, Noah’s instinct led him east, to the mountains, instead of west to the ocean. He thought Luke would appreciate the thin, fresh air, the smell of pine trees and soft dirt, and the cooler temperatures. It would be a nice reminder of home, of the old days, without all the hassle of traveling to Utah, or the possibility of running into bad memories. Luke had agreed to the 3

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bed-and-breakfast in Idyllwild easily enough, but his anxiety about leaving his daughter behind set in almost immediately. Maybe he should have called it off as soon as he noticed Luke was worried. But he needed a vacation. They both needed a vacation. Not because they needed a break from the daily grind, though that was a definite plus, but because they had been growing apart between the stress of working and raising a child. Noah’s attention drifted from the road to the man sitting beside him. Physically, Luke hadn’t changed much in the two years since his move to California. But Noah knew he wasn’t the most objective judge of Luke’s appearance. For one thing, he still saw the young man he once knew. The one he had fallen in love with when he was only sixteen. For another thing, he would always be the most gorgeous person Noah ever saw, regardless of how time marked his face. He was staring at his dark phone, his thumb absently running over the keypad. Somehow, the fact that he wasn’t even checking his mail or playing one of the phone’s games was more annoying than the fact he wouldn’t put the damned thing back in his pocket. It was hard not to take it personally. A small voice in the back of his mind gave a more concrete form to all of his fears, niggling him with questions he didn’t have an answer to. What if Luke was getting tired of him? What if Luke missed Utah? What if he missed his restaurant? What if picking Marty up at the airport reminded Luke of everything he’d left behind when he moved to California with Noah? What if he was lonely because Noah worked so many hours? What if he was so distracted because he was trying to figure out a way to break it to Noah gently? Another voice answered those questions with a simple stop being such a jackass. He was an insecure mess most of the time. 4

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Mostly because he knew he needed Luke far more than Luke needed him. If they parted ways, Luke would go on with his life. Noah would have nobody to turn to and nothing to fill the sudden vacuum in his life. What was there beside Luke and Lily? “How many more miles?” Noah asked, because he was tired of the silence and his own thoughts. Luke checked the GPS mounted on the dashboard. “We’re just out of Hemet, so about twenty.” “Not bad.” “No, we’ll be there before you know it.” So they could sit in their room for two hours. Noah had elected to leave his laptop at home, committed to giving all his attention to Luke. The rooms didn’t have televisions or radios. They were tastefully decorated, comfortable rooms, with fireplaces and big, beautiful beds. Designed with romance in mind, there was with nothing to distract the guests from each other. Noah supposed he could take a walk while Luke sat by the phone. Wouldn’t that be nice? A lovely walk around the lovely mountain village. All by himself. “So…Marty is taking Lily to Disneyland tomorrow?” “Yeah. Marty’s never been, so she thought this was the perfect chance to change that.” “Yes, especially since Lily would live at Disneyland if she could.” “Then on Sunday they’re going to Santa Monica.” “Marty will love that. We might not be able to convince her to go back to Utah.” Luke chuckled and checked his phone. Noah swallowed down another lump of irritation. “What do you think is going to happen anyway? You’re not like this when 5

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she’s in school.” “But I’m only a few miles from her school. If something happened to her, we’re over one hundred miles away.” “But nothing is going to happen,” Noah said again, for perhaps the fiftieth time. “I know but…something could.” “Do you want me to turn around?” “No.” “Are you sure? Because I don’t think either of us will enjoy this weekend if you’re going to be distracted and nervous the whole time.” “I’m not distracted and nervous. I’m fine. See?” He slid the phone back into his shirt pocket. “So you’ve been to Idyllwild before?” “Yeah, a few times.” “With one of your boyfriends?” “I drove through Idyllwild with somebody I was dating once. I never stayed there with anybody.” “That’s good. I might have been jealous if I knew you were taking me to your old boyfriend’s favorite B&B or something.” Noah snorted. “Yeah, right.” “What?” “Nothing. I just meant…you’re not really the jealous type, are you?” “I could be. But you’re not really the type to make a guy jealous.” Noah didn’t know what to make of that. He suspected Luke meant that Noah was far too attached to Luke to even allow a second of questioning. Just another little reminder that he was the person with the most to lose in the relationship. Luke was resilient. 6

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The most resilient person Noah had ever met. He had survived Noah leaving once before. He had survived a tumultuous relationship with an alcoholic. He had survived the most horrible rumors a small Utah town could produce. He had raised a little girl all by himself while opening and running a successful restaurant. If things fell apart between them, he still had his family, his restaurant, and his home in Utah. He’d land on his feet. Noah wasn’t so optimistic about his own chances. He wasn’t optimistic at all. He hated that he was even having these thoughts. His insecurities were always close to the surface, always ready to sabotage any relationship he was in. They made him jealous and possessive. Worse, they made him want to run away, until he was out of the reach of fear and pain. The first year after Luke had moved to California to be with him had been amazing. Noah woke up every morning with a smile and ended every night wrapped up in the arms of his best friend and the only man he’d ever really loved. But things began to shift and evolve as they always do in relationships. Or, at least, that’s what Noah assumed happened. He never stuck around with any one person long enough to find out. Once, he worked up the courage to ask Luke if he was homesick. If he missed the family, the friends, the life he’d had in Utah. Luke had laughed off the question and told Noah not to worry about things like that, but he hadn’t actually said no. Noah decided not to mention the cell phone again. If it made Luke feel better to check it every five minutes, what difference did it make to him? And if sitting by the room phone for two hours made him feel more comfortable about leaving his daughter, then how could Noah protest it? He had known when he confessed his feelings to Luke that he would never actually be the first priority in 7

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Luke’s life. And that was purely a result of his own decisions, his own mistakes, so it was nothing he should worry about now. Being second in Luke’s life was better than not being in Luke’s life at all. If he ever needed a reality check, that was it. Noah turned up the radio and reminded himself he was lucky to have anything at all.

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CHAPTER 2 The photos on the website did not do the Strawberry Inn justice. The room was quaint without being precious. A large picture window overlooked the mountain, and the most modern convenience was the whirlpool tub in the bathroom. One that was large enough for both of them to fit comfortably. The mattress was a California king, and the thick handmade quilt beckoned Noah to the bed. Two Dura-Flame logs waited near the fireplace, and the walls were covered in black and white photographs of the mountain and surrounding forest. The phone was on the table next to the window, and beside it sat a guest book and a card inviting them to record their own experiences there. “This is really nice, isn’t it?” Luke said. Noah smiled. “You like it?” 9

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“I do. It’s very…cozy.” Noah nodded in agreement. Cozy was a good word for it. Romantic might have been another good word for it, but he kept that observation to himself. “What’s your reception like?” Luke frowned. “About as bad as I expected. I’m just going to call and let Marty know what the number is here.” “I’m going to shower and get changed,” Noah said as cheerfully as he could. He almost invited Luke to join him, but he was already dialing Marty’s number. He could have waited for the call to end, but he knew from experience that it would be a long wait. He’d want to know every little detail about Lily’s day since he left. He did hope Luke learned to back off before the girl got too much older. Otherwise, she would resist and rebel as much as she could. She was already too headstrong for her own good. Noah showered quickly, scrubbing away the day’s sweat and as many of his worries as he could. Determined that they would go out for dinner that night, he dressed in a dark blue silk shirt and a pair of black trousers. His stomach twisted a little while he studied himself in the mirror, and he felt stupid at the evidence of his nerves. This wasn’t a first date. He wasn’t trying to prove himself worthy. He shouldn’t be nervous, he should be excited and full of jittery anticipation. When he emerged from the bathroom, Luke was still on the phone. He glanced up as Noah opened the door, but then his attention went back to the pad where he was doodling. He always did that when he was on the phone. If he couldn’t find a piece of paper, he wasn’t above using the wall or any hard surface that he had on hand. It had bugged Noah at first, but now he didn’t care if Luke wanted to draw all over his house. With nothing better to do, Noah settled on the bed, surprised 10

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and pleased by how wonderful the mattress felt beneath him. Their bed at home didn’t feel anything like this. Luke’s birthday was coming up—maybe he could surprise him. The thought cheered Noah considerably. It was just the sort of thing Luke would like, and they could have all kinds of fun breaking it in. There were magazines on the nightstand, and Noah grabbed one without paying attention to the cover. He flipped through it absently; none of the words registering at all. The most he could do was look at the pictures and study the strange ads that didn’t actually announce what they were selling. His stomach growled, reminding him that he hadn’t had a thing to eat since breakfast that morning. He had spent most of the day running around like a crazy person at work, ensuring that the show wouldn’t fall apart while he was gone. He had a good group of people, and things always slowed down over the weekend, so he felt confident in leaving them. Noah hadn’t minded skipping lunch since he’d had visions of dinner dancing in his head. “Okay, I’ll call back when it’s time for bed. All right. You, too. Bye.” “What’s going on?” Noah asked mildly. “Oh, Lily’s been upset tonight.” “Over what?” “Marty told her we were going to the mountains and she immediately announced she wanted to go, too. Marty told her it was just a place for adults, and she didn’t like that response at all.” “What’s she been doing?” “Everything. She tried throwing a tantrum, and when Marty ignored her, she started to sulk. She’s tried coaxing, begging, wheedling, crying, and even laid a guilt trip or two.” “Sounds like she’ll probably be fine.” 11

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“Yeah, but I want to be sure to talk her to before she goes to bed so I can tell her goodnight. I’m sure keeping her routine will be helpful for her.” “Or maybe it’ll make things worse.” Luke frowned. “What do you mean?” “Nothing.” “No, I want to know.” “I didn’t mean anything. Do you want to get changed for dinner? I’m sure you can call her from the restaurant.” “No, I thought I would stick around in case Marty needs me. You know how it is when Lily gets like this. She won’t talk to anybody but me.” Noah was fully aware of that fact. Lily had always been extremely attached to Luke, but after they moved from Utah, the attachment intensified. It was as though Lily reacted to the change in her world by clinging even harder to her father. Luke hadn’t discouraged that, of course, but Noah didn’t believe he should encourage it, either. The little girl who had once been happy to spend the night with her aunt, or let Noah entertain her for hours, now reacted with distress whenever Luke left the room. But what could Noah say about it? Nothing. Lily wasn’t his daughter, as much as he loved her, and Luke did most of the parenting. “Luke, you need to eat dinner. We’ve had a long drive. Don’t you want to relax with a nice bottle of wine and some delicious food? They have a duck dish…the meat just melts in your mouth.” “If you’re hungry, you can go get something without me.” Noah’s heart clenched at the casual dismissal, but he kept his face expressionless. Willing his hands to remain still, he tossed the magazine aside and stood. “Fine. I’ll stop bothering you.” “Wait, Noah…” 12

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Noah didn’t wait. He made sure he had the key in his pocket— which was an actual key and not one of those magnetic cards— shrugged on his jacket and left the room. He didn’t look up or meet Luke’s eyes again. He wasn’t hungry anymore, but he wasn’t exactly going to go a fine, romantic restaurant by himself. He tried to tell himself it was better this way. He needed some room and time to think, and clearly Luke didn’t want him to stick around. An arrow-shaped sign pointed to the east and announced he was only one quarter of mile from the Moon Trail. With a shrug, he set off in that direction. *

*

*

As soon as Luke said the words, he was sorry. Noah had been looking forward to this trip for a month, and Luke didn’t blame him. In fact, he had been just as excited as Noah. Lately things had been spinning out of control. Or at least it felt that way. It wasn’t exactly easy to run his restaurant from two states away, though his manager did an amazing job. The restaurant was continuing to thrive without his constant presence, but that didn’t mean he could slack off. He had daily responsibilities to see to. Which would have been taxing enough without having his hands full with a little girl who was growing up much too fast. On top of that, Noah worked up to sixty hours a week and he relied on Luke to keep the house running like a smooth ship. He always had too many things to do and not enough time to do them. Luke had eagerly agreed when Noah suggested a romantic weekend for two. But he hadn’t counted on how difficult it would be to mentally extricate himself from home even after they physically left. Lily had been crushed when they got into Noah’s 13

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car, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, and that image hadn’t left Luke’s mind. He would have suggested they bring her with them, but he knew she would not have been happy at the B&B. What amounted to a romantic cabin the woods wouldn’t exactly thrill a five year old. But the guilt over leaving her when she looked so miserable lingered. How was he supposed to have fun while he had the image of his baby crying? Up until that moment, he thought that was the worst thing he could see. He hadn’t been counting on the rapid cycle of emotions over Noah’s face, from confusion, to pain, to anger, and finally to a resigned understanding. Luke honestly wished Noah had stopped at anger. He had every right in the world to be angry. What kind of monster told his boyfriend to go to dinner alone at the beginning of a romantic weekend? Why didn’t he just suggest Noah get his own room? He took Noah a little for granted. Noah would never leave him again. He had promised Luke that, and they both knew it was a promise he’d never break. Noah also understood that Lily needed to be first in his life. That her needs trumped everything else, and sometimes her desires did, too. But he had always been so concerned about what he should do and needed to do for Lily that he rarely took the time to think about what he needed. And, much to his chagrin, he didn’t spend enough time providing the essentials for Noah. But Noah was just Noah. His best friend. His closest confidant. His lover. They shared everything now, and had shared everything as children. Their relationship was secure, stabilized on a solid foundation of history and friendship. It didn’t need work. Except that it did. Noah knew it, and Noah was usually the dumb one when it came to emotions and needs and relationships. 14

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And what had Luke done? Made it clear that Noah was second best in his life and then let him walk out the door. He had never felt like a bigger asshole. He pulled the phone closer and dialed Marty’s number again. “What do you want now?” she greeted with more than a hint of exasperation. “Aren’t you supposed to be taking a vacation?” “Yes.” “Then why aren’t you off relaxing?” “Why do you sound so annoyed with me?” “Because I am annoyed with you. Lily and I are trying to watch The Princess Bride and you’re ruining it with your constant calling.” “So she’s calming down?” “She would if you would leave her alone.” “Well, that’s why I’m calling.” He peered out the window, trying to find Noah, but there was no sign of him. “I’m not going to be able to call for bedtime tonight.” “Okay.” “Okay? Just like that?” “I have put her to bed before, Luke. I know she’s growing up and changing every day, and I know that’s scary, but you’ve got to loosen the grip a little. You’re going to be suffocating her by the time she’s ten.” “I’m not trying to suffocate her. I’m just trying to help her. You know, be there for her like a good father.” “What’s Noah doing right now?” Luke blinked. “What?” “Is he waiting for you? What’s he doing?” “He…well, he left.” “What?” 15

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“He asked me when I wanted to go out and I told him…look it doesn’t matter what I told him.” “You’re being an idiot, Luke. Go find him and stop calling me. We’re having a girls’ weekend, and we can’t do that if you’re checking in every fifteen minutes.” “I wasn’t checking in,” Luke said defensively. “I was calling to tell you that I wouldn’t be calling.” “Duly noted. Lily, say goodnight to Daddy.” Her little voice reached him from a distance. “Goodnight, Daddy!” “I thought you said she was really upset.” “I did, because she was, when you left. She’s fine now and we’re going to have a great time. Goodbye, Luke.” “Bye.” The phone clicked into silence, and for a moment, there wasn’t a sound anywhere. The last time he had heard silence so complete, he had been camping alone in the mountains near his childhood home. It had been the week after Noah first left for California, and everything had been unbearable. His family, his other friends, Lilah, work. Noah had certainly not been second to anybody in those days. Most of his thoughts had revolved around what he would do, what he would say, if Noah would only come back. He couldn’t have anticipated the actual circumstances of Noah’s return, couldn’t have known what he would stand to lose. He had hoped for a second chance so fervently. Had prayed for it every night. And when it became clear that Noah would not be returning to Mountain View, he had mourned that loss and tried to prepare himself for a life without his best friend. And now he had more than he’d ever even dreamed of, and for the first time, he feared he wasn’t smart enough to know how to hold onto that. 16

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An apology would be a good start. Luke hurried out the door, relief hitting him as he realized Noah’s car was still in the small lot. He couldn’t have gone far on foot. Unfortunately, there were no clues. He looked up and down the road that ran through the tiny mountain town, but didn’t see any sign of him. Hoping he guessed right, he turned away from the road and toward the Moon Trail.

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CHAPTER 3 It never occurred to Noah that it would be dangerous to hike up the trail as the dusk gathered and darkness began to fall. He just marched onward, climbing higher and higher, while the air grew cooler and thinner. The edge of the moon had just started to crest over the top of the trees, and the sky was a soft purple and blue. Not unlike a faded bruise, Noah reflected. The hint of yellow didn’t do anything to ruin that impression. A chill began to settle as the sun disappeared, and his jacket did very little to protect him against the falling temperature. Occasionally, he glanced over his shoulder to survey the small valley below him. The B&B seemed very small and the cars in the lot were almost like toys. His anger had faded long before he stopped moving. The last thirty minutes of his ascent were the result of not knowing what 18

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else to do. He wasn’t sure if he owed Luke an apology. He wasn’t sure if he should return to their room or go get himself something to eat. There was a small grocery store about a half mile from the B&B. It occurred to him that he could get food for some sort of picnic. They could make a nice spread on the bed while Luke waited for the phone to ring. Noah kept walking mainly because he didn’t know what he wanted to say. When he finally concluded that he shouldn’t say anything about it at all, the sun was long gone, and the moon was fat overhead. The trees cast long shadows over the trail, and a veil of darkness fell around him, obscuring everything more than three feet away from him. He didn’t know how far away he was from the B&B, he didn’t have a light, and the trail wasn’t exactly well and distinctly marked. “Well. Shit.” Almost as soon as he finished speaking, a low growl answered him. Everything inside of him stiffened. His stomach tightened and his thighs tensed. He was ready to flee. He was ready to run as far and as fast as he could. His heart slammed against his ribs, his pulse jumping in his neck. Fresh perspiration dotted his brow and coated the back of his neck, chilling him further. In fact, it felt like the temperature had dropped at least twenty degrees. His blood ran hot, but goose bumps covered his arms and he was shaking so hard his teeth clattered. Somehow, logic prevailed, and he just barely stopped himself from bolting in the opposite direction. His instincts told him to run, but he knew he needed to keep his wits about him. He didn’t even know where the sound had come from. There was no ambient noise. No birds, no rumble of traffic, no dogs barking in the valley. 19

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Sound traveled far in the silent, still air. The growl could have been coming from a half mile away. Running blindly into the forest wouldn’t help anything. With a deep breath, he took a step forward. It wasn’t easy to walk calmly on shaking legs, but Noah willed his limbs to obey him. His senses were all on high alert, and it felt like he could hear everything. Something snapped behind him and he spun around expecting to see a pair of green glowing eyes. The expectation was so powerful that for a moment, Noah did see a pair of glowing eyes directly out of his nightmares. He blinked and they were gone. “Okay, you need to calm the fuck down,” Noah muttered, and almost jumped at the sound of his own voice. He took another step, and a treacherous voice asked, Are you sure this is the right direction? He didn’t know if it was the right direction. It seemed like it was the right direction, and at least he wasn’t running around in circles screaming in terror. Why had he chosen the mountains? Why had he chosen to storm off at sunset? How long had been out there? Maybe an hour and a half? Long enough for Luke to start worrying about him? Noah sincerely hoped so. The trembling didn’t stop as he walked. He didn’t hear the growl anymore, but he was sure feeling it. Like it had worked its way under his flesh and vibrated through his bones, echoing over and over again. What sort of animals were even around? Were there bears in Southern California? What about mountain lions? He was pretty sure there were no wolves, but not one hundred percent sure. He wasn’t a zoologist after all. He didn’t keep track of the wolf population throughout the western United States. What if he died on the side of the mountain? What if a cougar tore him apart and ate his intestines? He hadn’t prepared at all for 20

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that sort of thing. He didn’t even have a will. Worse, he had left the room angry at Luke for something so completely insignificant as the time of their dinner. That had seemed absolutely critical at the time, but since his stomach was twisted in too many knots to even feel hunger anymore, it was hard to remember why he had ever cared so much. He just wanted to see Luke again. That was it. That was all. He just wanted to see his friend’s smile and feel his lover’s touch. Right on the heels of that desire was the need to hear Lily’s voice. She would call him silly and then launch into a long story about her best friend Cassie and how Cassie liked to eat glue during Activities. There was still time for that, since he probably wasn’t going to die any time soon. Noah repeated that to himself with each step. You’re not going to die. A cougar isn’t going to kill you. You’re not going to die. A cougar isn’t going to kill you. The mantra was only a little comforting and not much more convincing. But it kept him moving while he scanned the area for any hints of a giant wild animal. One of nature’s fastest and most perfectly designed killing machines. He would have absolutely no hope against a mountain lion. What could he do? Run? A mountain lion would run faster. Climb a tree? Cats could climb trees. Cats could climb trees very well. Scream? His no doubt girlish screams would probably have zero effect on a predator like a mountain lion. Why hadn’t there been any goddamned signs? Maybe something under the name of the trail. Beware of Giant Growling Beasts might have been a good start. He was never going to leave the city again. If he survived this, he was going to stick to well-lit streets and well-known neighborhoods. And if he ever wanted to hear anything growl at him, he’d go to the zoo like a civilized 21

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person. The trees seemed to grow taller around him, reaching higher and higher into the sky until they totally blotted out the moon. Occasional patches of the silvery light fell on the trail to light his path, but not enough to give him any peace of mind. Luke would never get himself in such a stupid predicament. Something snapped ahead of him. Noah froze, familiar chills racing down his spine. It was probably nothing. It’d been nothing before. He had turned around and seen only darkness. If there were any animals tracking him, they would have made a noise by then, right? But something else cracked in the darkness, like a gun firing in the night. Well, not a gun, Noah acknowledged. More like a Daisy air rifle. Certainly a full-grown cougar could make something snap like that? How big did those things get anyway? As big as a man? “Noah? Is that you?” Noah caught his breath. “Luke? Jesus Christ, you scared me.” Cool fingers closed around his hand. “I’m sorry. What are you doing out here?” “I don’t know. I…just lost track of time and then I heard something and I don’t even know where the hell I am.” “Hey, calm down. You sound like you saw a ghost.” “No, but I heard a fucking mountain lion or a bear or something.” Luke sounded more amused than impressed. “Really?” “Yes, really. Now let’s get out of here before we’re somebody’s dinner. Come on.” He moved, tugging Luke behind him, but he refused to take a step. “What are you doing?” “There’s no mountain lion up here.” “How do you know that? Do you have some special mountain 22

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lion sensing capabilities you never mentioned?” “Noah…Noah…wait.” Luke cupped his face with his other hand, and his skin seemed even cooler against Noah’s flushed cheek. “You can’t go so fast. There are rocks and roots on this trail. You could trip and go flying ass over teakettle.” “Ass over teakettle?” “Yes.” “Are you sure?” “Very.” Noah took a deep breath and forced himself to focus on the sound of Luke’s voice. He had a point about tripping and getting hurt. But the fight-or-flight instinct was still shouting at him to run. After all, Luke wasn’t armed. It wasn’t as though he could defend them against any lurking cougar. His very presence didn’t make the world a safer place—even though Noah sort of believed that it did. So did Lily. Why else would a hug from her father stop the bad dreams and chase the monsters away? “Hey. Look at me,” Luke murmured. “It’s too dark to see anything,” Noah protested, though he obediently dragged his attention from the trail to focus on Luke. As he did, he noticed that the darkness wasn’t as complete as it had once been. The silver light danced across Luke’s face and the shadows seemed to be pushed back farther into the trees. “What happened? I can see now.” “I guess that’s why they call this the Moon Trail. Look, once the moon gets above those trees over there, it illuminates the path all the way down to the road.” Noah turned around, checking behind him for any glowing eyes or bared teeth shining in the new light. But they were alone. And the stillness that had seemed so ominous before was now pleasant. 23

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Peaceful. A perfect reminder of why Noah had selected this place for their weekend away. “Feel better now?” Luke asked. Noah didn’t know if he was asking about the potential mountain lion or their earlier argument. Or both. It didn’t matter. The answer was the same either way. “Yes. At least it doesn’t feel like my heart is going to explode from my chest.” “That’s good. I hate it when that happens.” He clasped Noah’s hand tighter and pulled him into an easy gait. “I’m a little surprised you chose Idyllwild, to be honest.” “Why?” “It reminds me of home. I didn’t think you liked any reminder of Utah.” “No, I’m fine with reminders of Utah. I just don’t particularly want to live there. Besides, I thought you would enjoy it. I know sometimes you get a little homesick.” “I do,” Luke agreed softly. “I mean, I do enjoy it here and I do get a little homesick.” “Did you get your call? How’s Lily?” “Lily is fine. Great, even.” “That’s not the answer I was expecting.” “I know. But Marty said they’re watching The Princess Bride and having a girls’ weekend and Lily loves it. Also, I’m not to call again.” “Which is good, right?” Noah prompted. “Yes. No. We never spent a weekend apart before. I don’t think she would have been able to handle it before. But she’s growing up and it feels like…one day soon she’s just not going to need me anymore.” “Luke…” Noah didn’t know if Luke’s fear was more or less 24

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reasonable than his own earlier terror of an unseen cougar. Probably less reasonable. After all, Lily was always going to need her father. “She’s not even six yet. I think you’re having some preemptive separation anxiety.” “I know how it sounds, I do. But I can’t help it. My relationship with my parents has always been more than a little strained. Though I know that’s nothing compared to…” “Me and my dad?” “Yeah. It feels like that’s almost the natural progression of life. I don’t want that to happen to me.” Noah rubbed the back of his neck, picking through his brain for the right thing to say. “Holding her tighter isn’t going to stop her from growing up. Besides, you have your own needs to think about sometimes. I’m not saying you should be focused on yourself constantly but…” “I know what you’re saying. I’m sorry for earlier. For how I acted and what I said. I didn’t mean it. I shouldn’t have ever said it.” “Don’t worry about it.” “I will worry about it. I was being a jerk.” “Luke, seriously. It’s not a big deal. I had time to do plenty of thinking while I was wandering around out here in the dark, and I’ve decided it’s no big deal. I overreacted. If anything, I should be apologizing to you.” “Why? What did you do except plan a lovely vacation for the two of us.” Luke brought their clasped fingers up to his mouth and kissed the back of Noah’s hand. “I’m going to show you how much I appreciate that. And how sorry I am for my temporary insanity.” Noah’s cock stirred as Luke’s warm breath fanned across his 25

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skin. His spine tingled and his mouth went dry. It wasn’t too unlike his earlier fear, except for the fact that it was far more pleasant. “Come here.” He pulled Luke closer, and he was clearly ready for the kiss. They both moaned softly as their mouths met, and Luke immediately parted his lips, inviting Noah to take what he wanted. He plunged his tongue into Luke’s mouth and wrapped his arm around the other man’s waist, pulling him into a tight embrace. The breeze tickling the back of his neck would have been enough to make him shiver again, but the heat from Luke’s body warmed him and warded off any possible chill. Noah was sure they kissed as much as any normal couple did. He certainly had no reason to think Luke was ever holding back from him, and God knew Noah indulged himself every chance he got. After so many years of denying himself the one person he wanted in the world, he didn’t have the self-control necessary to hold himself back. But it still never quite felt like he had enough. No matter how often he kissed Luke, he wanted more. He didn’t think it would ever be possible to be fully sated. Each caress made him yearn for another after it. The pressure of Luke’s lips, the texture of his tongue, the sharp points of his teeth, the curve of his cheeks, all drove Noah out of his mind with desire. And then there was everything else Luke did while they were kissing. He often took Noah by the hips, holding him with his large, firm hands. Pulling him closer so the lines of their cocks were pressed together. Warmth seeped from his skin to Noah’s, and their bodies fit so well together. There wasn’t anything more comfortable, more natural, in the world. Despite the two years they’d been together, he still mourned the decade they were apart. They could have been kissing and holding each other since they 26

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were sixteen. But Noah intended to spend the rest of his life making up for lost time. When they finally broke apart, Luke looked at him with slightly widened eyes. “We should have been doing that since we got here.” “Yes, definitely.” “I hope nobody sees us between now and when we reach our room.” “Why?” “Because I’m hard as a rock.” Noah let his attention drift down Luke’s body. “And those are some tight jeans.” “Exactly.” “I could solve that problem for you.” “How?” Noah backed Luke up to the nearest tree, trapping him against the trunk. “I’ll just take care of that right here. That way, we can avoid any possible embarrassment.” “You were this close,” Luke held up his fingers an inch apart, “to freaking out when I found you. Now you’re saying you want to stay up here longer?” “I’m not scared anymore since you’re here.” Noah reached between their bodies and cupped Luke’s cock. “Besides, I like the way you look out here in the moonlight.” “We’ll get cold,” Luke pointed out. “I’ll keep you warm.” He pressed his lips to Luke’s brow. “You’re feeling a little flushed now, in fact.” Luke parted his lips, like he had another protest to share, but Noah didn’t want to hear it. He claimed Luke’s mouth, silencing him with his demanding tongue, and began to work on Luke’s fly. 27

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His cock bulged against the zipper, and Noah ran his finger up and down the teeth, applying just enough pressure to Luke’s flesh to make him squirm. He didn’t stop until Luke was moaning, his hips jerking as he sought out more pressure. Noah caught the zipper between his forefinger and thumb and slowly pulled it down, freeing Luke from the confines of his jeans.

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CHAPTER 4 It didn’t matter that he was standing against a tree and his phone didn’t get any reception. It didn’t matter that the temperature in the mountains was far lower than what he had grown accustomed to, or that the only light they had came from the moon. It didn’t matter that there might have been wild animals. It didn’t even matter that he should have been the one trapping Noah against a tree so he could demonstrate how sorry he was. They were together with nothing in between them, and that was all that really mattered. Luke inhaled the fresh, thin air and closed his eyes. He was transported from Idyllwild to the Uintah Mountains, where he had spent so much time in his youth. When he and Noah had been completely inseparable and they could easily spend hours, even 29

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days, roaming through the mountains, camping, hiking, and searching for forgotten treasures and lost legends. They had been just friends then, neither one of them brave enough to take advantage of all the silence and solitude they so often found themselves in. But now they were older and everything was different. Now they knew exactly how to take advantage of silence and solitude. Luke’s attention was locked on Noah. He was over thirty now, and he had a few wrinkles around his eyes. Luke thought that had more to do with the stress of his life rather than the duration. But he looked eighteen again in the soft light, with his eyes closed, and his hair falling over his brow. The undeniable look of contentment certainly helped the illusion of youth. He held Luke’s length in place with one hand while he skimmed his lips over the shaft, dragging his mouth from the tip to the base and back again. His lips were smooth and warm and perfect. Luke definitely wanted more, but he thought he could spend the whole night simply enjoying the texture of Noah’s mouth with each sweet caress. Luke lightly ran his fingers through Noah’s hair, enjoying the way the hair feathered against his fingers. His thumb brushed against Noah’s cheek, and he turned into the touch, seeking more contact without distracting his attention away from Luke’s cock. A surge of love and desire welled up inside of him, filling him completely. His heart hammered with it. His flesh throbbed with it. He wanted to touch every inch of Noah. He wanted to kiss him and worship his body. He wanted to turn off his mind so it would be just physical—the purest form of expression. Noah always made him ache with longing, even though the very thing he ached for was always in his grasp. Despite their location and the relative danger of the area, Noah 30

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wasn’t in any big hurry. He moved like he already had a plan of attack in mind, and he wasn’t going to let anything shake him from that plan. Like no deviation was acceptable. He left a trail of kisses and let the tip of his tongue paint out a series of patterns, each one sending a jolt of electricity through Luke’s body to the hollow of his throat. Noah gently pulled Luke’s sac free of his boxers and cupped it lightly, flexing his fingers gently. He used his middle finger to caress the skin behind his balls, and then reached farther, until he was tracing Luke’s clenched hole. Noah’s finger teased him in slow circles, giving Luke just a hint of what he could expect later. His knees were already weakening, and the cool air served as such a sharp contrast between Noah’s hot finger and hotter mouth that it made him heady. He was thankful for the tree behind him, and Noah’s solid shoulders in front of him. His gratefulness only increased when Noah sucked the head between his lips, his tongue running over the slick skin and teasing his sensitive slit. Before Noah had returned to his life, he could count the number of blow jobs he had received on one hand. Lilah had never been that interested and he never dated after their divorce. Noah was aware of this, of course, and sometimes it felt like he was bound and determined to make up for all of that lost time. Or maybe Noah was still trying to make up for the fact that he couldn’t remember the first time he had gone down on Luke— or the way Luke had returned the favor. Noah sucked lightly on the tip for a moment before releasing it from his lips and attacking the sensitized flesh with his tongue. Luke gripped the base and held his shaft still as Noah continued to lick and nuzzle his head. Clear fluid dripped from his slit, only lingering for a few seconds before Noah caught it with his tongue 31

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and cleaned it away. And then his lips were around the flesh again, his cheeks hollowed, and the pressure was amazing. It was almost uncomfortable, but Noah held back from crossing that line, knowing exactly how much he could suck before he needed to relax his lips and let Luke catch his breath. Noah didn’t release his balls or pull his finger away from Luke’s ass. His hand worked independently of his mouth, squeezing and kneading his heavy sac, while the finger at his hole promised eventual penetration. Luke widened his stance and bent his knees to give Noah easier access, his ass clenching each time Noah pushed a little. It felt like an eternity since Noah had played with his ass. He always held himself back, though Luke had assured him more than once that he really liked it. The hesitant touches only reminded him of how long it had been since Noah fucked him—he hoped that was on Noah’s agenda for the night. Luke would be sure to suggest it if it wasn’t. Luke tried to remain still, but when Noah closed his mouth around Luke’s shaft again, he jerked forward. Once he felt the heat of Noah’s soft mouth surrounding him, he couldn’t help himself. He didn’t even consider his action, he just did what came naturally and sought out more of that electric heat. He thrust forward until the tip of his cock was touching the back of Noah’s throat, and his lips were pulled taut around Luke’s throbbing shaft. Luke opened his mouth, wondering if he should apologize, trying to figure the best way to do that, but the words never happened. They lodged in his chest with his breath as soon as Noah slid his finger into Luke’s clenched passage. The sudden pressure prompted him move forward again, and this time he buried himself in Noah’s throat. Noah swallowed around Luke’s length, massaging his flesh with the soft, pliable muscles of his throat. Luke cupped the back 32

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of his head, holding him in place, forcing him to keep his lips locked around the shaft for as long as he could. His heart thundered in his ears, marking each exquisite second. The pleasure was intense, and he knew he couldn’t withstand the force of it for long. He would break soon. But until he did, he wanted to milk each second for everything it was worth. He wanted to be greedy. He wanted to absorb every moment of bliss he could possibly get, and he wanted it to echo through him until he was a quivering, gasping mess. He released Noah and they both dropped their heads back and gasped for air at the same time. Had he held him in place for too long? Luke was going to ask, or maybe just apologize, but Noah answered any and all questions by immediately swallowing Luke’s cock again. Noah had started out slow, but there was nothing slow about him now. He attacked Luke, his lips and tongue his weapon of choice. His urgency electrified Luke’s flesh, and before he even realized what was happening, he was holding the sides of Noah’s head between two flat palms. Noah moaned, the thick, muffled sound one of unquestionable encouragement. Luke slammed his hips forward, burying himself once again in Noah’s throat. This time, though, he didn’t linger. He immediately slid out and slammed forward again, fucking Noah’s mouth with his own heightened sense of urgency. Noah moved his finger quickly, stroking it in and out of Luke’s body with each thrust of Luke’s hips. Noah’s moans vibrated through Luke’s flesh, until he felt more than heard the hungry sounds. Luke grunted each time Noah’s lips met the base of his cock. Those grunts were punctuated by a full-throated shout when Noah’s finger scraped across his prostate. The sounds of his 33

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pleasure echoed off the trees around him and traveled up to the moon and down into the valley. He hoped nobody heard him, just because he didn’t want anybody to investigate. He could handle the embarrassment of being caught with his pants literally down around his ankles, but he didn’t think he’d be able to handle it if Noah stopped. He needed a bit more. Just a little bit more time, pressure, texture, breath, air. Noah. He just needed more of Noah. He didn’t have any real warning before his balls tightened. Luke couldn’t pinpoint any one thing that provided the final spark for his short fuse. It might have been Noah’s lips or tongue. It might have been his finger or the way he moaned. It might have even been the rough bark against his cold skin. It began with a tightening in his stomach and a clenching in his throat. And then the back of his neck tingled and the muscles in his thighs flexed. He slammed forward once more, seeking out as much of Noah’s heat as he possibly could. That’s when he erupted, pumping stream after stream of come down Noah’s welcoming throat. Luke tried to pull away first, but Noah held him in place, forcing him to remain still while he finished swallowing and licking his skin clean. Only then did he pull his finger free and loosen his hold on Luke’s hip. They parted gradually, neither one of them eager to lose the warmth of each other’s flesh. Luke’s chest burned, and he didn’t get a really good breath until Noah finally sat back on his heels. “Can I interest you in that dinner now?” Noah asked with a small smile. Luke studied him for a moment before chuckling. “Of course. That and anything else you want.” “Anything?” “Yes.” 34

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“You sure?” “Noah, you have my word that from now until when we leave, I’ll be your personal slave. Anything you want, all you have to do is say the word.” Noah stood, looped his arm around Luke again, and kissed him softly. Even without words, he knew exactly what Noah meant.

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CHAPTER 5 “You were right about this restaurant,” Luke said between bites of his duck l’orange. “I tried to tell you.” “I’ll never doubt you again.” “You better not. Or I’ll start holding out on you.” Luke snorted with amusement and reached for his glass. “You’ll forgive me if I don’t think that’s a credible threat.” “It’s a highly credible threat.” “Not really.” “Yes, really.” “You mean you’ll start withholding sex, right?” “That’s exactly what I meant.” Luke snorted again. “Yeah, no, sorry. Don’t see that happening 36

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in our lifetimes.” Noah stiffened. “What are you saying? That I’m some sort of sex fiend?” “No. I’m just saying that you’re a man of…certain appetites.” Noah laughed, his faux outrage forgotten. “A man of certain appetites? You sound like somebody from Masterpiece Theater or something.” “But you’re not going to deny it.” Noah casually reached across the table to touch Luke’s hand. “How about I’ll just admit to being a man with an appetite for one particular thing?” “Sex?” “Making up for lost time.” “I suppose we both have an appetite for that. But I think we’ve been doing a pretty good job in the past two years.” “It’s been a good start,” Noah agreed, releasing Luke’s hand and sitting back in his chair. Luke would probably want to stay for dessert, and Noah didn’t want to risk groping him in public. “Quite a good start.” “I love you.” Noah smiled. “I know.” “I think it’s good to have a reminder occasionally. I know that I can seem distracted or even distant and I…” “You’re trying to raise a kid,” Noah said, cutting him off. Luke looked at him with slight reproach. “I let you have your apology.” “Only because you were way too distracted to talk while I was sucking you off.” “Even so. I think it’s only fair that you let me have mine.” “Are you going to go down on me?” 37

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“Not right here in the restaurant, no.” Luke took a sip of his wine, and Noah noticed for the first time that his cheeks were a little flushed. Noah had only had one glass himself, but the bottle was almost empty. “At least not until you’ve had another glass of wine,” Noah teased. “No, I probably shouldn’t have another glass. Anyway, I was trying to say something before you interrupted me.” “Right. Sorry. Carry on.” “Thank you.” Luke took a deep breath. “Since we’ve moved to California, you’ve been amazing. I never had any doubts about being with you, but if I’d had, you would have demolished them all. And instead of really appreciating everything you were doing, or trying to do, I just started taking you for granted. Like you would always be there, no matter what I did. I shouldn’t have done that. I’ll try not to do it again.” “I can’t really blame you for, as you say, taking me for granted. Since I’m never going anywhere, I guess it’s pretty safe to do.” “I still shouldn’t.” “So you’ve been happy then? You don’t wish you had stayed in Utah? I know being in LA was a big adjustment.” “Sometimes I miss our old life. I miss the restaurant, and I miss being near my family, and I miss the mountains. But that happens less and less these days. I’d be happy with you no matter where we lived.” There wasn’t a doubt in Noah’s mind of Luke’s sincerity. He knew when Luke was lying, or at least being evasive of the truth. But now his face was an open book. It still stunned Noah that the boy he had adored had grown into a man he could love openly, without reservations. His earlier insecurities had been completely 38

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washed away. He didn’t even remember why he had been so upset. No matter how often they made up for lost time, the years he had pissed away would always linger in the back of his mind with a sense of regret. Luke tilted his head. “What are you thinking about?” “How do you know I’m thinking about anything?” “You shouldn’t feed me lines like that if you don’t want me to use them.” Noah smirked. “Sorry. Anyway, I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have you. And how dumb I was. How I almost lost you forever.” “I don’t think you would have.” “I didn’t speak to you for five years. Are you saying you would have accepted the silent treatment for even longer? Ten years? Twenty?” Luke’s lips thinned and he seemed to be genuinely considering the question. “I might have. I might have waited for you my whole life.” “Do you want dessert?” “Why?” “Because I think I want to get out of here.” “Tired of talking?” “I’d rather show you everything on my mind.” Luke tossed his napkin to the table. “I’m done. I actually can’t wait to try out that bed.” “What makes you think we’ll make it to the bed?” “Because I’m not going to let you attack me in the parking lot.” “I was going to wait until we got in the car,” Noah said, taking his wallet from his back pocket. “You know, we’ve never fooled around in a backseat.” 39

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“We’re not kids anymore.” “We missed out on a lot of fun stuff when we were kids. Come on, we can pretend we’re young again.” “Noah, we’re not exactly decrepit now. Thirty isn’t the new fifty.” “You know what I meant. We’ll go some place quiet and dark.” Luke folded his arms and sat back in his chair. “I just want to be sure I understand. You, of all people, would want to choose the backseat of a car over that big, beautiful bed?” “Yes.” “Okay, but if we get arrested, you’re going to be the one to call Marty to bail us out.” “Fair enough. You won’t regret it.” Luke still looked a little skeptical, but Noah knew he’d eventually realize the brilliance of his suggestion. *

*

*

“This isn’t going to work,” Luke protested. “We’re both grown men and this backseat is better suited for children. Maybe even midget children.” “If you would just move your leg…” “I did move my leg. Besides, there’s nowhere to move it to. I think we should admit defeat.” “Never.” Luke sighed, but before he could voice another protest, Noah caught him by the chin and claimed his mouth. He still tasted of wine, with just a hint of coffee under the sharper flavor of alcohol. Despite Luke’s protests, Noah didn’t think this was a bad idea at all. He had followed a narrow dirt road until they reached an 40

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overhang, and the small valley was spread before them, sparkling and golden. The moon was visible through the window, a soft silver to contrast the valley’s brighter lights. And it was quiet. Noah usually appreciated the dull roar that characterized Los Angeles, but sometimes, he enjoyed the quiet, too. Their legs were a little cramped in the backseat, but that just meant they were forced to sit pressed against each other. Noah wasn’t going to complain about anything that brought Luke so close. Luke apparently didn’t mind the backseat as much as he claimed, because he responded to the kiss with unmitigated enthusiasm, his hard cock bulging against his pants. Noah pushed his hand between their bodies to palm Luke’s shaft through his jeans, applying enough pressure to make Luke shift his hips and rock against Noah’s hand. The kiss went on and on, Noah wrapping his arm around Luke and lying back until his shoulders were against the cold window. Luke was draped over him, their legs bent and angled together in strange ways. Whatever discomfort Noah had felt before faded as the kiss progressed, and all of his senses were filled with Luke. A bed might have been more comfortable, but a bed lacked the urgency of the backseat. A bed provided implicit approval—an acceptable act taking place in an appropriate location. But that wasn’t quite what Noah hungered for. He wanted to turn back the clock. He wanted to be young again with Luke, but in a new way. He wanted to indulge every desire and still has many seconds as they could before they returned to Los Angeles and their adult world. Noah didn’t know if Luke wanted the same thing. He didn’t even know if Luke understood. But Luke was still there with him, kissing him like he was starving for it, moaning into Noah’s 41

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mouth, and shifting against his body. Noah’s cock was uncomfortably hard, but even if his pants remained zipped he would have been content. Luke was all he could taste and smell. The cold window at his back was barely noticeable compared to the heat radiating from Luke’s skin. He had fantasized about this very thing so many times that it was almost easy to forget he’d had Luke to himself for the past two years. Luke slid his fingers through Noah’s hair, holding him with both hands as he deepened the kiss, his tongue searching more of Noah’s mouth. With his eyes closed, he experienced a strange doubling of past and present. He saw the younger version of Luke, but it definitely wasn’t a youthful, inexperienced mouth he felt against his own. Despite the fact that Luke had only had two lovers in his life, he was very knowledgeable. Very adept. Five minutes with Luke was an earth-shattering experience because he seemed to have an instinctive knowledge of how to use his mouth and his hands and his body. All of the love Noah had for Luke, all of the love he had ever possessed, crystallized into something pure in the center of his chest. It fed his lust, fueled his desire to touch and be touched. He wanted to show Luke exactly what he had always felt for him, and what he would always feel, but could never express. How could he put into words something he didn’t have a vocabulary for? He was just fortunate that Luke had always been able to understand him. “We’ve got to figure this out,” Luke said against his mouth. “Figure what out?” “Figure out how you’re going to fuck me, because I can’t wait much longer.” “We don’t have any lube,” Noah pointed out, hoping Luke wouldn’t care about that small problem. “It’s all back at the room.” 42

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“Wait a second.” “What are you doing?” Luke didn’t answer. Not right away. He braced himself against the back of the seat, straining forward with his other hand and trying to reach the glove box without losing his balance and falling between the two front seats. “Wait.” “What?” “Maybe we should move this to the front seat.” Luke looked down at him. “Why?” “Because we can recline it and then you can be on top of me.” Luke caught the latch of the glove box and yanked it open. “I don’t know if that’ll really be any better than being stuck back here.” “It might be a little better.” “Ha! Found it!” Luke settled over Noah once again, smiling as he held up the little tub of Vaseline. “Not the most ideal thing in the world, but it should work for our purposes.” “I’d suggest always keeping a bottle of KY or something in the glove box, but I wouldn’t want to deal with it when Lily inevitably finds it.” Luke smiled. “Yeah, the same thing occurred to me a few times. Okay, so, how do we want to do this?” “Can you reach my zipper?” “Yes.” Noah smirked. “Prove it.” Luke set the Vaseline in the back window and pulled Noah’s zipper down. He immediately sighed with relief as the pressure on his cock eased—and was quickly replaced by a more pleasant sort of pressure when Luke wrapped his long fingers around Noah’s 43

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shaft. “I’ve been hard for you all night.” Luke skimmed his mouth over Noah’s. “I would have helped you out with that before dinner.” “I didn’t mind the wait.” Luke lifted his head. “Okay, I think I have an idea, but I’m going to need to turn around.” “Are you kidding me?” “This is only going to work if I turn around. Trust me.” “Turn around how? I mean, I believe you. I do. But you don’t exactly have a lot of room back here. You know, we should have brought the SUV.” Luke rolled his eyes. “Sure, pay two hundred dollars for gas just to drive out here so we could have an easier time of it pretending we’re teenagers. Now, hold still. And I apologize in advance for kicking you in the head.” “Thanks. I appreciate that.” Noah wasn’t quite sure how Luke managed it. Maybe he led a secret life as a contortionist. He’d almost have to be one to pull off the move he managed. Noah had to duck away from his foot twice, but there was never any contact. Once he was settled with his back to Noah, bent at the waist, Noah understood what he was trying to do. “You take care of your pants,” Noah said. “I’ll get myself lubed up.” “This is why we’re a good team.” “Because we can fuck anywhere?” “No, because we understand the importance of team work. And of division of labor.” Noah unscrewed the lid and scooped a generous portion out 44

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with two fingers. He sucked his breath in sharply as the cold gel touched his hot skin. It was almost unbearable, but the Vaseline warmed quickly. It wasn’t enough to make his boner die. Noah was so wound up, he didn’t think anything would be enough to make that happen. He needed to feel Luke sink on his shaft, needed to feel that heat and that pressure, needed to feel Luke’s flesh pulsing around him until he couldn’t tell the difference between Luke’s heartbeat and his own. He heard Luke unzip his pants, and then the rustle of clothing as he shimmied his pants and boxers down his hips to rest at the back of his thighs. Noah scooped more of the Vaseline out, and used his other hand to gently pull Luke’s cheeks apart, exposing his clenched hole. “I just want to apologize in advance.” “For wha—holy shit that’s cold!” “I know.” “God.” “Stop squirming.” “I can’t help it.” Honestly, Noah didn’t mind if he squirmed a little while Noah pushed his fingers deeper and deeper into Luke’s channel. His muscles clenched tightly around the intrusion, and Noah’s cock jerked in response. It felt like an eternity since the last time he fucked Luke, and suddenly, a part of him didn’t think the car was such a great idea after all. He wanted to pin Luke’s body beneath him and fuck him into the mattress. Of course, they had a whole weekend for that sort of thing. Luke braced both hands on Noah’s legs and pushed back against his hand. Noah’s fingers were completely buried inside of him, and he didn’t make a sound, but he didn’t need to. Noah 45

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understood exactly how he felt. They had actually been living together for several months before Luke agreed to let Noah fuck him. He had been worried that it would be too painful and uncomfortable. Once he finally conceded—after Noah thoroughly promised to be as gentle as possible—he had loved it. Noah had loved it, too. It had been the best sex he’d ever had. And all the subsequent times had tied for the best sex he ever had. “God, Noah. I’m ready.” “You sure?” “I’m sure, I’m sure. I promise you.” Noah smiled a little and pulled his fingers free. He gripped the base of his cock, angling it toward Luke’s lubed entrance, and pressed the blunt tip against the hole. He didn’t push forward, though. He remained still, allowing Luke to sink back. Slowly. Inch by unbelievable, exquisite, perfect inch. Noah watched with rapt attention as his cock disappeared into Luke’s body. He couldn’t remember the last time they had fucked like this, and the sight was amazing. Perfect, even. Suddenly, he no longer regretted his bright idea to have sex in the backseat. Watching Luke’s ass swallow his shaft was worth it. “You feel so good,” Luke moaned. Noah echoed the sentiment. Luke’s ass always felt amazing. But as the muscles gripped his cock, he felt like he might explode with the pleasure. Once Luke was completely impaled, they both froze. The only thing moving was Noah’s cock, jerking against the tight flesh surrounding it. Through the window, Noah could see a hint of the moon, now so bright that there weren’t any stars in the sky. “How do you want it?” Luke asked breathlessly. “Fast? Slow?” “Anyway I can get it.” 46

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Luke eased forward about an inch, and then rocked back. Shockwaves went up through his body, making his stomach twist and his throat clench. He held Luke’s hips, his fingers pressed hard into the flesh, but only because he needed something to grip. Something to hold onto to keep him from flying apart. In the tight confines of the car, their moans were louder, their gasps harsher, the smell of their sweat just a little bit sharper. There was steam on all the windows, and it was as though they were cut off in their own little world. Nothing existed outside the car. Nothing existed beyond Luke’s body. He couldn’t remember ever feeling a chill— Luke was pure heat. Radiant and intense and inescapable. The rhythm they set was slow and deliberate. Noah didn’t know how Luke could stand to take things so slow, but he wasn’t going to complain. He just watched as his cock disappeared again and again and again. Until he couldn’t watch anymore. Until he couldn’t even see anymore because the whole world had darkened and turned into a blur. The only thing that seemed to exist was Luke’s body, like a dark shadow hovering over his own. Luke never varied the rhythm. Never sped it up to help push Noah over the edge. Never got tired and slowed it down. He fucked himself on Noah’s cock like he intended to make it last all night long. Each time he sank back, he moaned. The sound traveled through Noah’s bloodstream like a drug, intoxicating him, making him light-headed. The love that had bloomed so exquisitely earlier returned, slamming into his chest, stealing his breath. Luke was his. How could he have ever doubted it? Even for a second? Noah curled his hand into a fist, pressing his nails into his palm, hoping the bite of pain would hold back the gathering waves 47

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of pleasure. But it did no more good than a sand castle would at stemming the tide. His spine and feet tingled, and then something warm and heady, like champagne bubbles, rushed through him. He grabbed Luke and pulled him back, burying his cock one final time before erupting. Each time his cock jerked, another wave hit him, until he was utterly spent, his muscles watery, his brain foggy. “It sounded like you enjoyed that,” Luke said hoarsely. “Oh, my God.” “Worth wedging us both back here?” “Definitely. Did you…?” “We’re even now.” “I’ll make it up to you.” Luke chuckled. “It’s not a contest.” “What if I just want to fuck you again?” “Twice in one night? Do you think you’re up to that?” “Excuse me?” Luke looked over his shoulder, his eyes smiling. “I’m just saying since you’re getting older…” “You’re two months older than me. Are you saying you’re only good for one go a night?” Luke laughed. A rich, warm sound that filled the car. “I guess you better get me home and find out.” “I would, but I can’t move.” “I’m not so sure I can, either. You okay if we’re like this for a few moments?” “Absolutely. The view is great.” Their breathing eventually evened out and the sweat dried on their skin. Luke finally groaned softly and leaned forward to push the door open. Cold air immediately rushed in, but Noah welcomed it. Luke once again worked his magic, managing to free himself 48

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from the backseat to stand outside the car, his pants still undone, his shirt hiked up. Noah tucked himself back in his underwear and zipped his fly before sliding across the backseat and out the door. “I almost got a cramp in my leg,” Luke said, rubbing his thigh. “Man, you are getting old,” Noah said good-naturedly. “Yeah, but…it’s not too bad, is it? Watching Lily grow up, getting old together, all of that?” Noah cupped the back of Luke’s head and drew him closer. “It’s the best thing that ever happened to me.” “Sap.” “It’s not the best thing that ever happened to you?” Noah teased. “It’s more than I ever thought I’d get out of this life.” “That sounded pretty sappy.” “Then I guess we’ll be saps together.” “Another reason we’re a great team,” Noah said. Luke pressed a gentle kiss to the corner of Noah’s mouth. “The best.”

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Pepper Espinoza lives in southern California with her husband and her cats. She has spent the last year working as a full time author, and intends to start graduate school in the fall. You can learn more about Pepper by visiting her website: http://www.pepperverse.net *

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Don’t miss The Devil Went Down To Georgia by Pepper Espinoza, available at AmberAllure.com! Hell has no limits, but neither does a friend’s love… Actor Simon Kidd can’t believe his ears when he learns that his former costar, Alan Ricks, is part of a traveling theater company in Georgia. Just a year before, Alan had been one of the hottest names in Hollywood. What was he doing performing Doctor Faustus in a tent? Simon decides to investigate, but when he finally tracks down Alan, he learns that hell is breaking loose in Georgia, and the Devil deals it hard.

What’s the true value of a soul? And how much is Simon willing to risk in order to win Alan’s freedom?

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