Voyeur

VOYEUR

Roxy Harte

www.loose-id.com

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Voyeur Roxy Harte This e-book is a work of fiction. While reference might be made to actual historical events or existing locations, the names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Published by Loose Id LLC 870 Market St, Suite 1301 San Francisco CA 94103-2907 www.loose-id.com

Copyright © October 2008 by Roxy Harte All rights reserved. This copy is intended for the purchaser of this e-book ONLY. No part of this e-book may be reproduced or shared in any form, including, but not limited to printing, photocopying, faxing, or emailing without prior written permission from Loose Id LLC.

ISBN 978-1-59632-790-0 Available in Adobe PDF, HTML, MobiPocket, and MS Reader

Printed in the United States of America

Editor: Irene D. Williams Cover Artist: Croco Designs

www.loose-id.com

Chapter One She arrived with vengeance on her mind. You can look, but you will Never. Touch. Me. Again. You Asshole. When Autumn Blessings marched through the foyer of The High to attend the prestigious charity masked ball for the Underground Railroad Ladies’ Auxiliary at the High Museum of Art, every head turned and then camera strobes started flashing. The ball was the event of Atlanta’s fall season. Unfortunately, she couldn’t just pose and gloat. As representative for her firm O’Malley, Bruce and Lloyd, she had a job to do…co-represent with her ex, Edward Brown. She wished suddenly that she’d worn a tailored men’s suit instead of attending gowned as elegantly as Cinderella post-Fairy Godmother’s intervention. She disgusted herself now that she was here, playing the high-society game. She’d even puffed glittery powder over her bare shoulders and back, tucked Austrian crystals into her upswept hair, and spent too much money getting a French manicure and pedicure. She’d fought so hard for years to be seen for who she was, bright, intelligent, capable, not what she looked like, and now she’d failed miserably by showing up glammed to the extent that every head turned and every eye lingered. She knew better! She’d been stupid. She blamed that on Eddie being in attendance because, damn it, she was still a woman, and it hurt to know that he’d turned to another while they were married. She wanted to remind him what he’d lost and could never have again. The joke was on her, though, as what seemed like a million flashing strobes from the cameras left her blindly rushing from the atrium to regroup, refocus. She couldn’t let the work she’d done to distinguish herself as one of Atlanta’s best litigation attorneys be destroyed in a single night. She just needed a moment to compose herself before meeting Eddie on the podium. She sighed. Why did her heart still hurt?

2

Roxy Harte

The last thing she needed was a front-page glossy of her tear-streaked face and a headline asking: WHO MADE THE PRINCESS CRY? She shouldn’t even be at this high-society function. This wasn’t her crowd. But because the great patriarchs of the most renowned law firm in Atlanta were so busy consorting with their celebrity clients tonight, they couldn’t be bothered with one of Atlanta’s many old money society functions. It wasn’t necessarily that she saw old money as better than new money…in her mind either was just too much money unfairly dividing the classes. She’d decided fairly early in life the unfairness of a not-so-bright wealthy child given advantages of education over an exceptionally bright child who was born into a poor home. Still, because she’d been taught to love and respect the arts, she saw it as a sad day when the firm turned instead to the lure of new money circles more concerned with immediate entertainment than the preservation of heritage. So now the needs of Atlanta’s pro athletes ranked higher than the arts in levels of importance, and she was stuck as the firm’s pretty face to deal with the PR and present the museum with the sizable check that would see the firm make the headlines in the morning. If she could just keep her face from making front-page news, she’d be a happy woman. She knew she was being ridiculous, but she was dealing with issues of insecurity she’d been born with. Could she ever be bright enough or smart enough to be seen for her intelligence instead of her beauty? More, she was angry that she was the token woman at an otherwise all-male firm. She didn’t want to think that it was her sex or her beauty that had landed her the job rather than her Yale degree and intelligence, but the truth smacked her in the face day after day. She found herself standing in a deserted hallway lined with bigger than life statues from ancient Greece. She looked up and snorted at the size of a dangling marble penis, twice the width of her hand. Wow. She thought about reaching out to touch it, but having been coming to the museum since she was five, she respected the masterpiece too much to do so. She’d always loved coming to the museum. It was one of the many cultured experiences she’d had as a child even though her mother had struggled as a low-wage single parent. She remembered her very first trip to The High. She had been five and the one hundred and thirty-five thousand square foot, white porcelain-paneled building put the art museum on the architectural achievements’ map of greatness. Of course at five, she hadn’t appreciated the importance of great architecture; she only knew that she loved the way the white walls glittered and gleamed in the sunlight…and how she felt, standing in the behemoth atrium -- small, hidden, and free. People watching became her sport of choice ever since that year. Suddenly her privacy was interrupted by a flurry of giggling women seeking the restrooms. After pointing them in the right direction, she stepped through the doors that led into an outdoor courtyard.

Alone, she could finally relax…

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She smiled to herself as she caught sight of a couple sneaking as she had into the garden, a typical May-December affair to be certain.

And from the shadows…watch. The man she recognized as a local judge, his white hair and severe features unmistakable, and the young brunette with him, the daughter of a prominent family…she couldn’t be more than twenty-one -- if. They moved between two tall statues and quickly got down to the business that had brought them to seek out the quiet courtyard. The man whispered loudly and roughly, “I need to see you again.” The shadows moved and A.J. knew that the two were embracing. The woman pulled away. “We can’t get caught.” “No, no, of course not, but I must see you again.” The shadows pulled closer and A.J. thought that the man’s shadow dropped to his knees in the grass. She tilted her head and saw the flip of skirt caught in moonlight. “God, you smell good,” the man whispered roughly as he inhaled loudly. Her heart was pounding at the prospect of getting caught, but she had to see. Usually she was thrilled with the opportunity to catch the soft whispers and briefly touched fingertips that signaled interoffice affairs -- because, sadly, she really didn’t get out much. The chance to catch something more lured her to edge closer. The woman laughed, the shadows shifted, and she gasped. “Oh!” The shadows swayed and the two silhouettes offered an erotic tableau. Her hand ran through his hair and she moaned, “You just want me to spank you because you’re such a bad boy.” He stood and kissed her. “I want you so desperately.” “Stop!” she said sternly. “Your wife is coming.” Autumn looked toward the window-lined hall and saw a woman’s face pressed against the glass, obviously trying to peer into the darkness, seeking someone. Autumn jerked her head back to the couple, knowing that they couldn’t be seen where they stood and wondering if they would dare to continue. The shadows separated just as a woman’s voice rang clearly through the heated darkness. “Henry? Are you here?” A lighter flared, brightening the side of the statue where the judge hid with his consort. He lit a cigarette and the tip flared brightly as he stepped from the shadows and strode toward his wife. The tip of the cigarette brightened as he inhaled. “Can a man not even indulge himself a little?” “Oh, Henry, you know I hate it when you smoke. Come back inside this instant.” Tossing the cigarette onto the sidewalk, he stamped it out before going through the door his wife held open. The young woman headed in the opposite direction, taking a shorter hall that would lead to the main atrium. A.J. snickered softly, wondering if it was the thrill of almost getting caught that had led the couple to the courtyard, because surely they could have met somewhere more

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discreet…or were their lives honestly so busy that a brief interlude was all they could manage? Realizing it was almost time to present the check, she raced back into the building, taking the route of the woman, not the man. The door she chose led directly to the atrium. She knew the moment she stumbled smack-dab into the broad, solid chest of a man, that it was her ex, Edward Brown. Only she could be so lucky. She lifted her eyes in time to see his widening smile and wink. “I thought I was going to have to send a search party for you.” A dozen flashes pelted them and she forced a tight smile as she continued to gaze up into his face. She hated that her body still responded to his, but she couldn’t deny her fluttering heart or the aching need that stirred in her groin watching the scene in the courtyard and being reminded she’d once been a sensual woman. She blinked into his stunning, smiling face, his smile too wide, too white, and his eyes too bright. He kissed her cheek, whispering, “God, you are a beautiful woman.” She grimaced. He knew how badly she hated to be reminded that she was exceptionally pretty. She stepped into his shadow, remembering why being with him had been so wonderful. At his side, she could almost be invisible because he was the real head turner, standing six-six with an athlete’s lean body and striking features. Although, seeing him now, she wondered what she’d ever seen in him. When they’d met at Yale, he’d been so sexy with his rough Lenny Kravitz hair and bohemian style; now he was just another suit and he kept his hair trimmed close to his scalp. Sure, he was still attractive, but she missed the man he’d once been. She blamed herself for this new man who had morphed beneath her tutelage as she’d drummed the need to succeed into his head. The thought made her frown when it occurred to her that she was responsible for destroying who he’d been…who she’d loved. More flashes followed and then a microphone was shoved into his face by a reporter from the evening news. “Mr. Brown, do you have anything you’d like to say?” “Actually…”

Great. Please make your grand announcement now, while I’m standing here, so that I can feel more inadequate for being just the pretty girl who works at O’Malley, Bruce and Lloyd. He was the firm’s all-star, their first African-American partner, making the previously all-white boys’ club ethnically diverse and better able to serve the community. She wanted to gag. She was as qualified or more to be made partner, and culturally more diverse in her opinion, since her mother hailed from the Caribbean and her father from Europe. She wasn’t

a man. He’d been welcomed as partner only that morning.

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As he stepped toward the reporters, she shook her head, not quite believing he’d worn a gold lamé cape and matching gold mask. On anyone else it would be gaudy, tacky. On him -- he looked like a prince. Damn him. He removed the mask to reveal the chiseled features of a man comfortable with his looks. He knew just how wide to smile, when to lift a brow, when to wink…he disgusted her. But god, she still loved to look. And damn the ancient patriarchs and their interfering schemes. Hadn’t Bruce O’Malley alluded to the fact only yesterday morning that her ex was a changed man when he’d told her, “A man often regrets what he cannot change; he can only go forward with renewed commitment when given the opportunity to do so.” She’d held her snarky comeback in check, not believing for a single moment that her ex-husband had changed. And she didn’t think for a second that it was mere coincidence that they’d been sent together tonight to represent the firm. What she couldn’t figure out was why it would matter to the firm if they were married or not; hardly anyone even knew that they had ever been husband and wife, partly due to the fact that she’d never taken his last name, but mostly because he’d never acted like a married man. Edward Brown was a player. Period. She had to remember that first and foremost. She took his tall flute of champagne from his hand and downed the glass of golden bubbly in one swallow before handing the empty glass back to him. In her opinion, he’d had enough to drink anyway. She hoped he’d make a total ass of himself on the nightly news. She turned away from him and put her jeweled and feathered mask back in place over her eyes, thinking that if she were lucky, she could escape now. Not just Eddie, but the whole damned affair. She had worked too long and too hard to be relegated to being just a pretty face. Could they honestly think she would be content as a junior associate forever? She heard him tell the reporters, “Can you give me one moment, gentlemen?” Distressed, she looked over her shoulder to see he was fighting the crowd to follow her. Damn. She quickened her pace even after she thought she heard him call out, “A.J., wait. We need to talk.” She pushed deep into the crowd and realized only too late that she was on the dance floor. “Dance with me?” A hand on her shoulder pivoted her around and she cocked her hand, prepared to slap Eddie’s smug, drunk face. But the man turning her wasn’t Eddie. He wasn’t even costumed, at least not exactly; he wore black slacks and a black silk shirt…and the required mask, though it was fairly generic, not glittered, jeweled, or feathered. He wasn’t short, probably six feet, but he seemed short since she was towering in her four-inch heels. “I saw you from the stage. I thought you might need rescuing.”

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She snorted with humor. “And you saw yourself as my Prince Charming?” “Do you need charmed?” She laughed despite herself and allowed him to whisk her into a waltz. She even managed to feel graceful with him guiding her as her gown swirled around her ankles. There were no stepped-on toes, no tripping, and she saw that in itself as a miracle. She wished she could see behind his mask because she thought he might be too adorable for words. He was young, his mop of wavy brown hair spiked and unruly like he’d just rolled out of bed, and even behind his mask, his dark blue eyes crinkled mischievously. “You saw me from the stage?” she asked. “I’m one of the boys in the band, I’m afraid,” he answered. “I’m breaking a lot of rules dancing with you.” “Whose rules?” And with that question the dance ended. One of the champagne carriers slid near and whispered excitedly, “Damn it, Jonas. I got you this gig. If you screw it up, we’re both fired. Get back on stage.” “Dinna get your knickers in a twist, Pauley. I’m goin’.” “You’re British?” Autumn asked, her heart leaping with his deepening brogue, and for a second she was heartsick for the sound of her father’s voice. She wished he would call like he once had, but it had been a long time since his last phone call. “Welsh, but I hide it well enough most days,” he answered, and then he ducked into a deserted alcove, pulling her with him. He reacted to nearby voices by pushing her back against the wall, hiding them from view. He kissed her quickly and passionately, stealing her breath. She blinked, thinking, how absurd, but then her icy exterior cracked and she gave over to the moment. She leaned in, offering her lips a second time, accepting a softer, more teasing kiss as her boon. Closing her eyes, she let herself believe for a fraction of a second that fairy tales did happen and quite possibly out there somewhere, over the rainbow maybe, her happiness could be found.

Right. Her id rolled around in her head, laughing and pointing. She opened her eyes and stared into his darker ones. “Outstanding.” He laughed. “I thought only Englishmen in really bad American movies said that line.” She smiled widely at his joke, but then he was gone. She peeked from the alcove to see him run down the hall and slide around a corner, then silently quipped, “Damn. He didn’t even take my glass slipper.” She looked down at her beaded sandals and tsked. Closing her eyes, she sighed, lingering on the memory of his kiss.

That was nice. “A little young for you, isn’t he?”

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She opened her eyes to find Edward standing behind an oriental urn filled with a tall Royal Palm. He pushed a vibrant green frond aside. She shook her head. “How long have you been standing there?” “Long enough. I thought you were better than that,” he said accusingly, then added dramatically, “’Tis certain, greatness, once fallen out with fortune, must fall out with men too. What the declined is, he shall as soon read in the eyes of others as feel in his own fall.” “What does that mean?” He mocked her with a cold, hard laugh and shook his head. “Shakespeare. You should have paid more attention in English Literature. Who was he?” “Fine.” She marched back into the brightly lit atrium, ignoring his question. Eddie kept pace and she asked through a tight smile, “Who do you think you are to judge me?” He stalled her with a hand on her elbow. “Do you really think you have any chance of ever making partner if you’re sneaking into the shadows, doing god knows what with a busboy? I’m just watching out for your interests.” Autumn gasped. “How dare you spy on me and he isn’t a busboy.” “How well do you know this boy ? I really don’t think that O’Malley, Bruce, Lloyd and Brown need a scandal right now.” As he kept pace with her, she demanded in a hushed voice, “Is that a threat?” He leaned in to whisper in her ear. “I think yours and the firm’s interests would be better served if you quit this divorce nonsense and came home with me. Give our marriage a second chance.” An announcer called them to the stage. Applause broke around them and she quickened her pace. She laughed in his face. “Do you even realize that you’ve never once apologized for being unfaithful?” He rolled his eyes. “All you want is an apology? Isn’t that a bit childish?” “Mmm, no.” She paused at the base of the platform and pulled her smile tighter to keep from tearing up. Just talking to him made her remember standing outside their bedroom door, unable to move because what was happening in their bed was so incomprehensible. “But you’re naive if you think for one moment that I will ever come back home with you. Our divorce was final six months ago…and you know I never make the same mistake twice.” With that she walked up the three steps to the platform and presented the O’Malley, Bruce, Lloyd and Brown donation to the Underground Railroad Ladies’ Auxiliary.

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Roxy Harte

Chapter Two On Friday A.J. counted down the minutes to six p.m. She’d been watching the clock since noon. That’s when Eddie had arrived with packing crates from his remote office in the suburbs to claim his new uptown office with a view of the city. At least he hadn’t had the audacity to ask her to bring him a cup of coffee. Good thing. She wouldn’t have had the energy. Exhausted, she’d spent the better part of the morning cursing whoever had the bright idea to host a masked ball on a Thursday night, but couldn’t deny her mind had kept returning to the masked kisser off and on all day. Which she knew was a ridiculous waste of time; and really, it was just one of many parties to come as the season progressed. What was there to think about anyway?

The man wearing a black mask. Now that is a waste of time. Thinking about a man I’ll never see again. Thankfully, it was finally time to go home. She could put Eddie and the masked stranger behind her. Exiting the air-conditioned building into the ovenlike, record-high heat wave that had kept Atlanta a toasty ninety-five degrees all week, she wondered why she’d been in such a damn hurry. At least it’s Friday. She could hardly believe that Halloween was only a week away. It felt like it was the middle of August. Leaving the shade of the tall building, she popped open her black, very conservative umbrella. Growing up in the South, she’d gotten used to seeing women carry their shade with them and, now that she was old enough and wise enough to do so herself, she did the same. It appalled Geoffrey Lloyd, who thought umbrellas were tacky if used during anything other than an outright deluge of rain, so she tried to make certain he never saw her, but otherwise

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she never worried about what someone else might think or whether it lent a certain stigma to her character. She’d turned a deaf ear early on to ridicule. Being a very, very pale version of her mother and a bastard to boot, she’d heard it all growing up in the small house on the poorer side of Atlanta. She’d returned to her childhood home after the divorce even though she could afford better. There was something about the neighborhood, more than familiarity, a friendliness that living in a downtown condo had been bereft of. She wouldn’t deny that it was a dangerous neighborhood, but she felt safe enough. Autumn Blessings was everyone’s big sister. She’d changed the diapers of half the “tough guys” on the street and that was power. They also respected her because she had been an advocate for the block when developers would have mowed it over with bulldozers. And she wasn’t blind to the fact that they knew she could either go to bat for them in a court of law, or bury them, if it ever came down to it. Walking the two blocks to her bus stop, she closed her eyes as a wave of heat hit her from the asphalt as she crossed the road. She could be thankful that the day was a dry heat day, not a humid one, though this week she’d experienced both. But on court day, wearing a silk blouse, obligatory satin camisole -- padded only to prevent showing any nipple because she didn’t need the help -- linen suit, stockings, and heels, she did not need high humidity to add to her frustration level or frizz her tightly curled hair. With a huge sigh, she dropped her briefcase on the bench and peeled off her jacket, revealing her light brown, very freckled shoulders. Not a completely professional look, but with the partners on their way home in their air-conditioned cars, they needn’t worry that their junior member hadn’t worn a long-sleeved blouse under the linen suit. Sitting, she spread her legs in a very uncharacteristic, wide-legged sprawl, hoping to catch a breeze in the small patch of shade offered by an infant Swamp White Oak the city planted last summer as part of its citywide beautification project. Passersby might catch sight of her white lace slip, but she doubted it; they would have to be really looking. She smiled to herself, thinking she could be that girl, the one who posed in naughty little poses and waited for someone to notice. Feeling a little extra naughty, she spread her legs even more and, just for good measure, hiked her A-line skirt higher on her thighs, knowing that now someone -- even if no one was purposely looking, just happening to randomly glance her way -- would notice that she was wearing stockings attached by a garter belt. She could be naughty. Naughty might actually be fun. She nodded to herself, thinking she was being very naughty, obviously not ranking with her much naughtier gal pals, but naughty enough to make her feel good on the inside. A car rambled by, gears grinding; she shoved her knees together and sat straighter. She rolled her eyes at how very daring she was and laughed at herself.

Chicken. Whatever.

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Roxy Harte

Checking the time on her wristwatch, she realized she didn’t have time for such nonsense anyhow. Six twenty-five. Right on time, Mr. Hottie rounded the bend, jogging shirtless, his fucking-amazing six-pack abs on display for the world to see, but no one was watching but her. She sighed, taking in the flex of each muscle. He was her evening’s private entertainment. The first time she’d watched him she’d gaped, but over the months, she’d just learned to appreciate his unabashed sexiness. It was like watching a panther run. Or on her more lustful days, she could admit that she understood the mind of the man who went to a strip club. Every day, day after day, her ass parked on a bench while she waited for the seven p.m. bus to take her back to her neighborhood, the arrival of Mr. Hottie became the highlight in her rather routine day. Rain or shine, she knew he’d be right on time, more predictable than the US mail, even on a day like today, about a hundred and three degrees in the shade. His dark skin glistened, revealing the deep cut lines of his muscles as he ran. Catching her looking, he nodded at her. A.J. waved and grinned, not at all embarrassed that she’d been caught watching. It had been the same routine for the last three months…he’d nod, she’d wave, he’d keep running. She didn’t think he was married. He didn’t wear a wedding band, but then she knew some married men didn’t wear rings, so no real truth was revealed there. After the first week, she decided that a man as incredibly tantalizing as Mr. Hottie would have a wife, or if he was gay -- which would be a true tragedy -- a significant other to go home to. Yeah, definitely taken, and with that body, one on the side as well. Not that she was looking, not a chance of that, having developed a few man issues thanks to the ex. Her opinion was that eye candy was one thing, but taking a man home and trusting him with her heart? Not a chance; more specifically…never again since she’d already made that mistake once. No, coming home after a long day at the office to find her husband of four years screwing their new neighbor of four days in their bed had cured her of any romantic notions she’d once had. Since that day, she’d devoted her mind and emotions to her career, and her libido to her vibrator, Mr. Blue Dolphin, which tended to be a lot less trouble than Eddie used to be. Now she was only interested in looking, not touching, and definitely didn’t need to get involved. Although she may have sworn off dating, she was realistic enough to know that she needed fantasy fodder to fill her evenings alone. So, she followed him with her eyes until he was just a memory, wishing she had a name to go with Mr. Hottie’s face. The exhaust-fumed, noisy arrival of her public transit ride signaled the end of another day. With a heavy sigh, she faced the fact that it was the beginning of a weekend and aside from talking to the girls Saturday morning, she had no plans. She climbed into the bus and walked to the back, but seeing that her normal seat was taken by a couple she’d never seen before added a new, unwelcome stress to her evening. Frustrated, she took the seat in front of them, fuming because she always sat in the rear left

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seat. She’d be the first to admit that she was a creature of habit, hating change more than anything, but it wasn’t like she’d dare ask them to move.

Delilah would ask them to move. Yes, Delilah is that rude. I’m not her. A.J. sat, fuming and silent, considering what each of her gal pals would do in the same situation and deciding that none, except maybe Juliet, would give up her regular seat. Since she wasn’t up to creating a scene, she hoped that they would get off at the next stop so that she could take her regular seat. She sat directly in front of them with that plan. If they didn’t, it was going to be a very long forty-five minute ride. She would be left here feeling exposed and visible the entire commute and she preferred being invisible. It was a problem she’d had since she first noticed people stared at her. Momma had said, “It’s because you so beautiful, my little white baby girl.” The memory made her smile because, compared to her mother’s deep cocoa bean brown skin, she had seemed white, especially in her baby photos. Daddy said it was because she was his exotic, green-eyed love child. She hadn’t learned until she was older of course that being someone’s love child wasn’t necessarily a good thing -- but he had picked up the tab for her law degree at Yale, so she wasn’t complaining. Of course, the way she looked at Yale had gotten her noticed too, by her fellow students and the faculty. There was no blending in for the light brown girl with aqua eyes, freckles, and frizzy light brown, almost blonde, hair. Then there was her name…which sounded like a porn star name -- definitely not an up-and-coming attorney-at-law. That’s why she started using her initials; A.J. Blessings…so much more professional sounding than Autumn Blessings. To fit in, she’d tried relaxers, extensions, and finally settled on her current look: shoulder-length tight ringlets around her head that she could wear up or down but at least had some semblance of style. She put a self-conscious hand up to her hair, checking the curl. No frizz yet; if she could only get home without it going crazy, she would say it had been a good day. With a jarring lurch, the bus pulled away from the curb and she closed her eyes, listening to the hum of tires on asphalt. Slowly, the stress of the day that had accumulated as tight, painful tension knotting her neck and shoulders began to melt away… “Mm-mm-mm, oh baby.” The girl seated her behind her giggled. “Stop. We’re going to get thrown off the bus.” Her eyes flew open, but she didn’t dare turn around to look at them; instead, she started listening, wide-eyed, dying to look. She could barely hear their voices but then suddenly he whispered back loud enough for her to hear, “Not if you’ll be quiet.” Muffled whispers came near enough to almost hear and she strained to do just that but the girl’s toosoft voice kept her in a state of frustration.

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She listened harder, shutting her eyes and receiving the reward of their whispers. “Come on, Nicole. Bratty isn’t going to cut it today. This was your idea anyway.” “I’ve changed my mind.” She panted. “No, you haven’t. You’re just scared,” he comforted, then urged, “Pull your panties off!” “No, baby, I did! I want to safe word out!” “And that’s exactly why you made me promise that we wouldn’t use a safe word for this trip,” he whispered softly. A soft rustle, murmurs of gentle encouragement, and kissing sounds followed his smooth cajolement. A.J. imagined him kissing the girl’s forehead, her eyelids, her lips, but no tongue, just a soft, comforting, you-can-trust-me kiss. Definitely no tongue. Then his voice, though still a whisper, changed to a rough command as he demanded, “Now do what I tell you to do, slut! Get those panties off!” A.J.’s eyes flew back open. Uh-uh, no way, not on my watch, sucker. She started to stand up, ready to throw Mr. Sleaze-ball off the bus and rescue the cute little blonde behind her when she heard the girl giggle again. “Oh baby, you know I can’t say no when you talk to me like that. Call me a slut again!” “I’m not calling you anything, you nasty little whore, not until you obey me!” The girl laughed harder, making A.J.’s jaw drop open at the turn of events. Turning her head, she caught sight of a twenty-something scrunched into the seat to her right. He motioned with his pointer finger pressed to his lips to stay quiet and pointed to a small video recorder that was trained on the action behind them. He wasn’t hiding the fact that he was watching…no, actually filming the couple behind her, and did so absolutely openly. He mouthed, “I’m part of the scene! Don’t screw this up for them!” Caught listening, she tried to make herself smaller. A.J. slumped lower in her seat, her face scrunched so painfully into an oh-shit-now-what expression that she was actually aware of it. She really tried to not listen, but that was impossible. The two people behind her were having sex -- and yes, they were quiet about it -- but she could still hear them! Her gaze darted to the man beside her, his camera focused on the couple, but his eyes trained on her. Biting her lip, she couldn’t keep from staring at the guy with the video camera and she noted that he’d had the decency to blush. Even so, she was sure he was enjoying himself! She wasn’t sure what it was that gave her that feeling, but he was…and then she realized that while he was enjoying the whole show, she was just as guilty of enjoying the verbal wordplay.

Oh my God, can he tell I’m enjoying listening ? He had the audacity to laugh…silently, of course -- but he was laughing. Oh shit ! She pulled her gaze away from his, worried what he was thinking…about her… Now wasn’t that ridiculous? He was the one filming! Why would she care what he was thinking?

He doesn’t matter.

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She stuck her nose in the air disdainfully and looked out through her window, deciding to ignore the entire mess, but then she caught herself side glancing at him and when she saw that he was no longer looking at her, or laughing at her predicament, she relaxed enough to really look at him. Not that she was interested. He was the kind of man she would never be seen in public with, which made him so safe, no chance of falling in love, but as eye candy? He was definitely doable as fantasy material. So she looked her fill, deciding he was cute, very cute, in a young “don’t have a job so I’m filming my friends having sex” way. She bit her own lip to not laugh, then took inventory of Video Boy…deciding that cute was an understatement and that his unacceptable, society cast-off fashion statement had been done on purpose, not because he couldn’t afford better. How could she tell that? It was all in the accessories: expensive watch, expensive shoes…expensive camera. But she could imagine him meticulously choosing each layered item. Two T-shirts, contrasting colors, and faded brown cargo shorts, a distressed, namebrand label that probably cost more than the shoes. It was the camouflage jacket that had earned him her earlier assessment; old and ragged didn’t even begin to describe the amount of wear, but it looked right on him, comfortable, even though in hundred-degree heat, he had to be dying. Her eyes went back to his hair. Definitely the just-rolled-out-of-bed-look, and she really wanted to touch it. It looked so soft. She wondered if he had any tattoos hidden beneath his ratty clothes. If she were going to imagine him as fantasy material it might be nice to know…hell, she’d give him one or two…she was a sucker for tattoos. Eddie hadn’t had any. He was too uptight. Even when the Yale crowd all went as a group, each getting a small bit of ink in a discreet location, he’d chickened out. She’d gotten one, not that anyone would ever know. It was on the sole of her right heel, a scorpion done in black ink, her zodiac sign. She wondered for a moment what Video Boy’s sign was…not that she believed in such nonsense. If she did, then Eddie, a Pisces, should have been a perfect match, and look how that had turned out. “Oooo, baby, just one finger, just put one finger inside me, okay?” “Not until you tell me the magic words.” A bouncing squeak ensued from the seat behind her. “Oh, you’re making me crazy! I can’t think…please, please, please! Just one finger. I wanna come for you, baby, please?” “You’re such a cum slut. Say the magic words and I’ll make you come so hard that they’ll hear you scream two states away.” Unable to not look, her eyes dropped to his crotch. Wow. Either camouflage pants boy was hung like a god or he was as hard as a rock! Holy crap! Trying hard to suppress a giggle, she reasoned that it would be unfair to cast stones at his obvious erection when she was feeling pretty damp between her legs as well. Seeing her

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watching him, he ducked his head but snickered; then he winked, making her gasp and hide her eyes behind her hands, their nonverbal conversation making her brain fuzzy. For a fleeting moment, she imagined Video Boy looking at her through a lens of a camera, encouraging her movements… Feeling the heat rise up her throat and into her cheeks, she kept her eyes behind her hands, embarrassed that their verbal play-by-play and the cameraman’s obvious enjoyment of their little scene was making her hot. “I’m your slut, baby, I’m your slut! I want you to fuck me! Fuck me in the back of this bus!” “Still not the magic word,” the man Nicole kept calling baby cajoled in a teasing voice. “Master! Oh God, please, Master, please. Fuck your little slut in the back of this bus.”

Master ? A.J.’s head swiveled until she was looking at the seat, wishing she could see through it. “Mmm, that’s it. That’s the magic word.” Nicole sighed and it was a sound of extreme ecstasy. A.J. didn’t need to see through the seat to know that he had just slid his finger into Nicole’s wet folds. “Oh God, yes, Master, yes. Fuck me hard. Finger fuck me!” A.J. peeked through her fingers at the guy holding the camera. Video Boy made a face like he was orgasming. She put her hand over her mouth in an attempt to keep from making hysterical noises out loud; it was bad enough that her brain was going to places it really had no business going to, her imagination wild with images of sharp-studded black leather dog collars and horse crops. Chancing a peek at the man holding the video camera, she found that although the camera was still trained on the couple, he was openly watching her. Loud, sloshing finger-fucking noises mixed with Nicole’s moaning, and then Master Baby was moaning and though she wouldn’t dare look, she imagined that he must be jerking off while he was finger fucking her, or else she was jerking him off. “Ohohoh, please, baby, faster! Oh! Oh! Oh!” A.J. blushed, realizing the girl was starting to orgasm, and ducked her face into her folded arms as she bent because she started giggling when Master Baby’s moans joined the girl’s cries. “Ohohohohohohohohoh Ggggggoddd!”

Ohmygod,ohmygod,ohmygod. This is so insane ! She tried to keep her giggling silent, but soundless giggling was an almost impossible thing to do. She stuffed her hand in her mouth. The bus stopped with a lurch, air brakes hissing, and the driver announced her stop. She looked at her wristwatch, unable to believe that the forty-minute drive flew by so quickly. Swallowing hard, she stood, finding her legs shaky as she started down the aisle, thinking, this will be a story for the girls. They will never believe her when she tells them about the bus ride home.

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“Hey you! Wait up.” Video Boy rushed up behind her. “Thanks for being cool back there. This has been Nicole’s dream for months, and it’s her birthday, and well -- thanks for not ruining it for them.” She swallowed hard, a mouthful of spit, realizing that her mouth was watering. She licked her lips as she tried to find a decent reply, then further humiliation, a heated blush climbed her face as she realized that beneath her skirt her thighs were damp. I’m friggin’ horny? Please don’t let it be obvious that I am horny… “No problem.” “Hey, you seem pretty cool. Do you ever go to Dante’s Inferno?” She turned around to look at him, bewildered. “Dante’s Inferno?” “Yeah. Here’s one of their business cards.” He pulled a rumpled card from his jacket pocket and held it out to her. “My band is playing there tomorrow night. Maybe you can come out. It’ll be a hot time. Just tell the guy at the door that Melvin sent you and they won’t charge you a cover.” Taking the card, she snorted. “Melvin? Look, I’m not an idiot,” she said, wondering why she ever gave him the time of day. “On or off, folks,” the bus driver announced. “Don’t have all day.” “Off, definitely off!” A.J. announced, seeing over Video Boy’s shoulder that the couple was still sprawled in each other’s arms in her regular seat. They’d adjusted their clothing so that nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She realized that if Video Boy wasn’t standing beside her as proof that something had just happened, she might think that she had imagined the entire episode. The man lifted a hand to wave, which made the girl hide her blushing face in her hands. She started out of the bus but Video Boy caught her elbow, making her look at him again and she found herself locked in his gaze, mesmerized by his blue eyes. “Seriously, it’s code, but that word will only work on Saturday, okay?”

Blue eyes. For a second her brain quivered over a memory from last night. Her masked kiss stealer had blue eyes too. Nodding her head quickly, she turned and rushed down the steps, exiting the bus, trying to shake the unsettled feeling that was wrapping around her. On the sidewalk she paused, rubbing her elbow where he had touched her, then looked over her shoulder to make sure he wasn’t still beside her touching her arm because she felt like he was. The air brakes hissed and she looked up, finding Video Boy leaning through a window. “My name’s Jonas. Remember me! Maybe we could get together sometime.” The bus started to pull away from the curb.

Jonas ? The memories from last night flooded her brain. A man named Pauley had called her kiss stealer Jonas. What was the chance of two Jonases running around the streets of Atlanta?

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She ran a step after the bus, trying not to trip in her high heels. She yelled at the man still hanging from the window, accusing, “You were at the masked ball last night!” Recognition brightened his eyes. “You?” She threw her head back and laughed, watching him be driven away in the bus. “Outstanding!” She looked at the business card in her hand. He might not have her glass slipper, but she knew exactly where he was going to be tomorrow night.

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Chapter Three For a brief moment, A.J. was more excited than she’d been about anything in years, but as she walked from the bus stop to her house, she looked at the business card a dozen times and knew she wouldn’t go to a nightclub to meet a man, especially a BDSM nightclub as the card proclaimed it to be. In a way she was disappointed, realizing that she’d probably never see him again. It was only a wild, crazy fluke that their paths had crossed twice in as many days. At least she had ended the week with a great story to tell her friends and a wonderful end to a frustrating day… She shook her head, not quite believing that her masked kisser had actually done what he’d done on the bus. She was certain that flawed moral character was at the root and she definitely couldn’t involve herself with anyone of that nature anyway. She just needed to get over it…and forget it. Easier said than done, because all she could seem to think about was those wonderful blue eyes behind the mask and how his kiss had made her feel. Beautiful. Sensual. Womanly. It had been a long time since she felt any of those things. Desirable. Carefree. Wanton. And all from a kiss…but it had been an amazing kiss.

Jonas. She had a name to go with the face behind the mask. But he didn’t know hers… She couldn’t imagine handing him one of her cards: A.J. BLESSINGS, ATTORNEY AT LAW. No, she’d introduce herself by her given name if she ever saw him again. Autumn.

Autumn Blessings.

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She wished she could separate the man from the party from the man on the bus because she really wanted to see him again. She smiled, remembering the way his eyes had crinkled in silent laughter. She thought he was older than her early twenties guess. She wanted to think of him as thirty. Midthirties would be better. She wondered for a second if he was younger than she, if she would be okay with that. She would be turning thirty-two in a few days. She looked at the business card still clutched in her hand. What was she thinking? There wasn’t a chance in hell she was going to meet him.

But damned if he wasn’t cute. And that smile. He could charm a nun out of her habit with that smile. Sardonic. That would be the way she would describe his smile to her friends -- if she ever told them about him. She’d have her chance in the morning, during the Saturday Morning Confessional -not mass, but a conference call -- their rather immature tell-all time that had kept them friends long since graduation. Hot, tired, and keyed up from the bus ride, she barely made it through her door before she started stripping. She dropped her briefcase and umbrella by the door and promptly pulled her bra through the arm opening of her damp shirt. It was October, for crying out loud, and blazing hot… Stepping out of her shoes, she decided the garter belt and stockings had to go too; she pulled them off and tossed them into her pile. Shrugging, the damp shirt and skirt joined the pile. Finally, down to just her panties, she shivered, remembering that her air conditioner was broken and only had two settings: Off and Icebox. Closing her eyes, she was thankful she still had Icebox. She slumped against the wall, soaking in the air conditioning, remembering the sights and sounds she’d left behind on the bus. Her mind buzzed with the inappropriateness of what she’d seen and her resulting arousal. She wasn’t sure if she was more shocked that Jonas had been filming the couple, or that they were actually having sex in a public space. What would compel someone to even want to have sex on the bus? Not that the idea of sex in public places was foreign to her; she would just never do something so risqué herself. But she did wonder… Heading to the kitchen for dinner, she skipped the frozen dinner she’d planned on heating and took a beer from the refrigerator before sitting and flipping through television channels. She didn’t pay attention to the glowing screen because she couldn’t shake the bus scene from her mind and imagined Nicole with her Master. Autumn lowered the cool can of beer to her crotch, rubbing herself through the satin panties, bringing unexpected pleasure. She imagined Nicole sliding the cold beer can between her thighs at her Master’s request.

“It’s cold. I don’t like it.”

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“I don’t believe you.” Nicole pulled the cool can away from her warm pussy. “I don’t want to do this.” Her Master pushed her hand, holding the can, down gently, the icy can making contact with her hot pussy… She fidgeted on the couch, excited by the fantasy wrapping its way around her mind. She revised the fantasy…to a master with dark blue eyes… The icy beer can slid over her satin covered skin, making her jump, reminding her yet again how very vulnerable and exposed she was with her pubic hair shaved off. “Oh God!” She rubbed the can back and forth, pushing harder. Was it the dampness of the can making her panties wet, or was her own moisture the reason the can seemed suddenly slicker, harder to control against her clit? Pushing aside the satin of her panties, she pushed the cold beer can against her hot clit and jumped in reaction. “Oh, hell no!”

But what if a Master was making you do it? Autumn shivered, thinking about that, trying to form the image of a Master in her mind, someone who would tell her to rub herself until she came against his beer can. She pressed again, the shock not nearly so great the second time around, and rubbed, the cold moisture-covered can sliding against her clit, bringing her quick pleasure…absurd pleasure. “Oh dear God!” She humped the can. Oh god, ohgodohgodohgod! Shaking postorgasm, Autumn sat the beer can on the coffee table and stared at the television, unsure whether she should be repulsed at herself or not. She imagined her gal pals laughing their asses off at her. They weren’t the kind of girls who needed made-up fantasies to orgasm to; they were the type of girls who went out and had orgasms with men even when they weren’t in a relationship, not caring if they ever saw those men again. She didn’t think she was a prude. After all, she’d enjoyed the little bus incident, and she didn’t necessarily think she was shy. She could make conversation with men; she just didn’t date well and, if she was honest, following Eddie’s infidelity, she didn’t know that she really wanted to date. Until last night. Jonas’s kiss woke something up inside her that had been long dormant…but now? He’d videotaped those people having sex…in public. He must be depraved. And she’d enjoyed the show; didn’t that make her just as…depraved? She played with the business card advertising Dante’s Inferno as a BDSM nightclub. She couldn’t possibly go,

could she?

***** The ringing phone at six a.m. Saturday morning was expected. She’d set her alarm because she’d actually slept; the women on the other end of the conference call hadn’t. Even

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though Autumn knew that she probably didn’t deserve a spot on the list, she was still part of their group. The Fabulous Fucking Five. They’d been best friends since college, where the group had been christened over reference books in the campus library late one October Friday night when they all agreed they should be doing something fun…like fucking…instead of studying. That’s when the tradition had started. They’d dispersed and fucked and then the next morning called each other to share their victories before falling into beds exhausted and drunk to sleep away most of Saturday…except her. She’d listened but hadn’t shared. She had really thought the others were joking around. She’d kept studying, assuming they’d all gone to their dorm rooms to do the same. She never dreamed they’d do it, not with LSATs around the corner, but they had. Phone still ringing, she grabbed it on the fourth ring. “I’m here, I’m here.” God, even to her own ears she sounded desperate, but the combined chatter coming through the earpiece assured her none of the others even noticed as they embarked on their Saturday morning confessional conference call. The others already connected were Juliet, Kim, Delilah, and when she was actually stateside, Eleanor (who was better known as Kit Kat, because of her love for the chocolate bar and because Robby Edwards had nicknamed her that after a college date when she proved to him just how much fun eating pussy could be when said chocolate was hidden inside). Eleanor would not be joining their call today because she was in Tokyo, but she had promised to call with a full, extended version of her exploits in three weeks, including photos… “Autumn! Welcome to the call! Do you want to be first to confess all?” Delilah’s voice ricocheted through her. Most Sundays Delilah merely annoyed her, always having to have the most exciting story to share, and always rubbing it in Autumn’s face that she rarely had anything to share. Worse, Delilah found the jabs she threw outrageously funny. She erupted into laughter on the other end of the phone line. Yes, absolutely hilarious…the thought that Autumn might actually have something to share. She thought about telling them about the masked kisser; that had been her lead-in, right? But how ridiculous would it sound to say, “A masked man kissed me…” when her friends would be telling fellatio stories. So she sat, quietly listening, at her kitchen table, chocolate mini-donuts stacked in threes and standing in a neat, tidy line next to her tall glass filled with ice to the brim. Behind the glass her two-liter bottle of Pepsi was tightly sealed and patiently waiting for the call to begin so that the cap would crackle and hiss upon opening. It was the official signal that confession was in session. “No! No! No!” Juliet shouted, causing Autumn to pull the earpiece away from her ear. “I absolutely have to be first today!” Kim recovered from the scream first and purred softly, “Oh, do tell, Juliet, do tell.” Autumn reached for the two-liter, hand on the cap as she announced, “On the ready!” Then Delilah counted, “One.”

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Kim added, “Two!” Juliet squealed, “Three!” All together they shouted, “Do tell!” Their giggles and fizzing soda reminded them and connected them through all the Saturday mornings past. It seemed they were all twentysomething again instead of thirty-something. Autumn poured Pepsi over the ice and took a long swallow, the first fizz against her throat almost as good as sex. Holding the phone with her shoulder, she managed to hold the icy glass in her left hand and palm mini-donuts with her right. She knew Juliet’s story would take most of her allotted twenty minutes but was surprised that it involved two men -- Eric and Jorge -- not one, and a club called Dante’s. She carried the cordless into the living room and picked up the business card.

Dante’s Inferno. It had to be the same place. She started listening more intently. “Oh my God, it was so incredible!” she recalled. “Eric danced in front of me and Jorge was behind me. They called me their Juliet sandwich! I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. All Jorge was wearing was a leather harness, leather chaps, and a codpiece that he molded against my ass so tightly while we danced. If I hadn’t known better, I would have sworn he was inside me. Eric was wrapped around my front, shirtless and wearing jeans. He slid his hand down the front of my jeans and found my clit jewelry! He moaned in my ear and I thought he was going to come right then and there.” Autumn smiled in memory of the day Juliet had gotten pierced. She’d had Autumn go with her for moral support…and then they’d gone back to her apartment for a wine and clitviewing party. She snorted, remembering Delilah and Kim on their hands and knees looking at Juliet’s freshly pierced clit. They could honestly say that as friends, they shared everything…no experience was too tame or too outrageous. “Wait a minute! Eric was okay with Jorge having his hand in your pants?” Kim exclaimed. “Did he realize?” “Of course he realized!” Juliet laughed. “Moving to the rhythm of the song, Eric pressed closer, his crotch pushed hard against my pelvis and Jorge’s hand, holding us all upright. And when the music kicked up a notch, we were literally riding each other. I mean, we were dancing, but we were also hand fucking each other right there on the dance floor! Then, we orgasmed -- all three of us -- simultaneously! It was fucking incredible!” “Eww, sounds messy,” Delilah mumbled, and Autumn envisioned her cheeks stuffed full of donut. But she also realized that there was a sound of disappointment in her voice because over the years Delilah had been the queen of shock’em with the most outrageous stories to tell. Recently Juliet was coming into her own. “Mmmm.” Juliet sighed. “A very good messy. The three of us are going dancing again tonight.” “No way!” Kim shouted. “Both of them?”

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Juliet giggled. “Both of them! They come as a package deal and I’m absolutely giddy that two men want to share me!” “Package?” Delilah demanded. “Are they a couple?” “Does it matter?” Juliet cried out. “Don’t ruin my moment. I’ve always wanted to be a part of a threesome and looks like my dream is well on its way to coming true. I cannot wait until tonight!” “Tonight?” Kim asked. “I want to go. What club was it again?” “Dante’s Inferno!” Juliet answered. “What a great idea! We could all meet there!” Autumn bit her lip, trying to think of a single reason why she couldn’t possibly go. The problem being that she did want to go and she could even admit that the chance of seeing Jonas again was her prime motivator. Everyone agreed to meet; no one had really noticed that she’d remained silent…and that was good, she wasn’t committed to anything. She could change her mind and not go. She poured more Pepsi as Juliet announced that it was Delilah’s turn. As a group they held their breath because Delilah had the most amazing stories week after week and lately, since she’d been seeing a guy named Tony, they’d turned absolutely outrageous. Delilah surprised them all, saying, “Nothing to tell. Let’s talk about Dante’s. I’ve heard it’s absolutely fabulous!” “What do you mean, ‘Nothing to tell’? You have to have something!” Kim demanded. “Didn’t you see Tony?” “Tony is such old news.” Delilah sighed, and no one commented on the heartbreak they heard in her voice. “Thank God!” Kim chimed in. “After six months I was afraid we were going to lose you to the land of the married.” “What in the hell happened?” Juliet demanded, not wanting to drop it. Autumn, whether feeling sorry for Delilah or just wanting to derail a fight, made an announcement that silenced all of the phone lines. “I met someone on the bus and we’re meeting at Dante’s tonight, so you guys better be going!”

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Chapter Four Autumn sat alone at their table at Dante’s. Her friends were already dancing. She hadn’t found Jonas yet, but then she hadn’t looked terribly hard either. She was in way over her head by coming to a BDSM dance club and she knew it. She wanted to go home. She didn’t want to think about kisses from a masked stranger that curled her toes and left her pussy dripping, she didn’t want to lie awake imagining what it would be like to have a videotape made of her having sex in a public place, and she wanted every guy who was currently staring at her to stop. “Want to dance?” Oh God, one of the guys who’d been staring had suddenly braved walking over to her. Tongue-tied, she stared back at a blonde hulk. She imagined him lifting a stack of weights that weighed twice as much as she did. Then she watched as he managed to leer down the front of her blouse without appearing to mind if he got caught in the act. Strike one for him…leering eyes were only okay in her book if they met her eyes first; however, could it be construed she’d invited his brazenness by wearing Kim’s sheer white blouse? Nah. But braless at the double dare of her friends?

What was she thinking? Of course he was going to leer. Sure, she’d acknowledged she’d looked good, damn good even, before leaving the house. But she never pretended to be brave and covered up with a black leather designer coat before leaving the apartment. Until this moment she’d felt relatively invisible, hiding as she was behind the dimly lit table. Yet it couldn’t be denied that he was definitely leering. Or that her nipples were obviously visible through the fabric if one was willing to look, which he obviously was.

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Well, let him look. At thirty-one she had managed to keep her double D’s perky, no sag in sight. “I don’t dance.” “Hey, no need for attitude, babe. I just meant to say, you’re here, I’m here, maybe we could have some fun together. They have some really cool playrooms in the back. I’m pretty good with a flogger.” She stood, determined to find her friends. The hulk blocked her path. “You see, it’s like this. My girlfriend” -- he pointed to one of the near-naked dancers who was performing in a gilded cage -- “her shift is almost over and she’s just dying for some girl-girl action and it’s my job to get that lined up. We could have a grand time.” Autumn slammed his shoulder with her hands as she pushed through him, leaving her side of the table in a blur, and fairly certain she’d overturned at least two wineglasses in the process. But she didn’t care; she had to get away. She’d known coming here was a huge mistake from the moment they’d strode into the building. A blinding strobe and laser light show timed to blaring music had been their greeting. They’d weaved through a maze of gyrating bodies and a sea of leather and latex. Then the stage show had begun… And she really had tried to be a good sport. She’d made an honest effort to relax, let loose, forget decades-old inhibitions and for that beautifully still moment right before the actress onstage had stripped right down to her very real breasts…and very real penis. She’d been okay up until that moment. After that she’d pretty much hid in the corner and waited for her friends to get as tired of the place as she’d been in the first five seconds. She couldn’t take any more; she was leaving. “Hey, Autumn!” Juliet called to her from behind. Autumn stopped, allowing her to catch up only because she wanted one of her friends to know that she was leaving, so they wouldn’t worry. “What’s going on? Did that guy do something to you?” Autumn shook her head and sighed. “No, he’s just a real idiot.” “I’m sorry. I should have stayed with you until your musician got a break.”

Your musician. Autumn almost snorted at that but didn’t because she didn’t want to admit the truth, not even to Juliet, who was by far her most supportive and understanding friend. “Oh no!” Juliet cried out. “If you’re okay, I should really…” She didn’t finish her sentence, instead starting back toward the dance floor. Autumn turned in time to see a man holding out his arms. She presumed he was one of the illustrious Eric and Jorge. Juliet raced back and grabbed her hand. “Come with me. We can both get flogged!” Autumn saw the intended torture device swinging carelessly from one of the men’s belt loops. Caught in a flux of shadows and strobing light, he looked like Rick Springfield but with darker hair. Juliet jumped up and down, clapping her hands. “Master M is going to teach me to fly !”

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“Master M?” Autumn turned her head to take another look. “Where are Jorge and Eric?” “Old news.” Juliet made a sweeping motion with her hand. “Besides, they’re both subs and I want to play with a Dominant.” Autumn hurriedly looked back to Juliet, feeling like her friend was speaking a foreign language. She felt like she needed to save her Juliet from this flogging and flying that she was obviously so excited about…but then wasn’t that what they’d all been talking about on the ride over? This was what Juliet had come for. Who was she to interfere with her fun? She finally told Juliet, “Go. I’ll be fine. I’m just going to get some air.” “You’ve got one lucky friend there.” Autumn turned to see the petite brunette from the cage that the blonde hulk had pointed out as his girlfriend. “Excuse me?” “I’m sorry. My name is Lily. I sent Bobby over to talk to you, but I’m afraid he offended you. I really just wanted to see if I could interest you in playing later. But I see your friend has already hit the jackpot and you’ll probably be joining her, so maybe some other time?” “Oh!” Autumn half-laughed. “I won’t be joining them.” “Really? I would love to be invited to play with Master M! He’s a hard catch.” “You don’t say?” Autumn asked, not really interested, wondering what on earth she’d done to attract Lily’s attention from her dance cage. “I thought Bobby --” “He’s new to the game too. I thought he was more experienced when we started seeing each other, but as it turned out he doesn’t have a clue.” Autumn followed the path of Lily’s gaze and found the Golden Loser. He was watching them and tapping his foot impatiently. Suddenly curious, she couldn’t help asking, “Why are you dating him if he isn’t meeting your needs?” “He lets me do what I want,” Lily answered, then turned to face Autumn with a new intensity in her gaze. “And tonight…I’d really like to do you. What do you say? My shift is over. I’ll buy you a drink and I won’t let Bobby offend you again! He really is harmless. He’s just a watcher, you know?”

Just a watcher? Wow. Was that how her friends saw her? “Lily!” The Golden Loser had approached and was calling her from the edge of the dance floor, “We going to dance, or play, or what?” Lily grabbed her hand. “Join us?” “No. Sorry.” Autumn shook her head, adding, “I’m meeting someone.” The next brave moment found her leaving the crowded bar and dance area, asking directions to the stage which turned out to be a level up. She was sure she could claim temporary insanity because she clearly wasn’t thinking as she rode the elevator.

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Soon she was not only standing next to the stage but staring into Jonas’s eyes. He was no longer wearing cargo shorts, but rather jeans and a black skintight, long-sleeved shirt. He looked amazing. His hair still had that just-got-out-of-bed look, but seeing him onstage, she couldn’t imagine him looking any other way. The band was taking a break and he’d seen her walking toward the stage at the end of the last song. She hadn’t heard him tell the guys in the band, “I need a minute,” but she did see him hop off the stage and start walking toward her. “You came.” “I did.” She smiled at him too widely, feeling silly and nervous, and about as selfconfident as she’d been in high school. No one would ever know by looking at her in that moment that she stood up to other lawyers in the county court and did a fairly good job of representing her clients. Jonas smiled back, maybe a little too wide as well. “It’s going to be a late night for me. I forgot we’re doing another gig when we leave here. Downtown, a place called the Blue Parrot. It’s a jazz club.” “Wow. You play jazz too?” “Right now I play anything that pays the bills.” From the stage one of the guitarists called his name across the floor. “Damn, I hate this! I have to go back.” He looked sincerely disappointed. “It seems I’m always leaving you.” “It’s okay. You’re working. I get it.” Autumn assured him, wondering in the back of her mind if he was really just trying to get out of any misconstrued commitment. “Go with me to the jazz club? We’ll leave here in about thirty minutes and then we play at the Blue Parrot across town from midnight to two…you could sit and listen. It’s quieter there and more laid back. Then after, we could get dinner?” She gaped at him. Was he really asking her out? He shrugged. “Maybe dinner would make up for me being an awful tour guide to the Dante’s Inferno tonight.” Autumn smiled, looking at her feet, once again feeling awkward. “Okay.” “Great!” He smiled and it was the smile that won her certainty. “I’ll find you in half an hour; you can ride over with me.” He nodded. “Great.” Another half hour to kill. “I just need to get some air.” Taking an elevator down to the street level, she decided watching Jonas at a jazz club would be highly preferable to another minute at Dante’s. At least that would be “doing something” and no one could accuse her of being “just a watcher.” “Yeah, I’m going to be watching him play onstage.” Still watching.

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Autumn grabbed a Dante’s Inferno brochure on her way out of the club. The sweet night air was a relief. She didn’t think she’d be going back into Dante’s until the last moment possible to catch up with Jonas. She was glad she’d grabbed the brochure for something to look at. Thirty minutes was going to feel like eternity. She stood reading while other couples came and went. It actually had a glossary of terms, including flying. Flying: In the context of a BDSM scene, flying is the psychological state of the submissive partner. See also subspace. “Cool.” She nodded her head, wondering how someone actually entered such a state. Pain? Surely not. She thought about how excited Juliet had been with the prospect of flying, excited enough to let someone flog her. Was she really so uptight? Was that why Eddie had gotten bored with her and cheated? She shook her head; sex had been good between them. It hadn’t been the sex. It had just been Eddie. She hadn’t been enough for him because he was just like so many other men. Maybe some women could share, but she wasn’t willing to. Why would anyone want to cheat? Had he wanted to get caught? Was that it? The thrill of thinking he might get caught but not really suspecting he would? Well, he had and that had been the end of it. At least for her. After all, would he have been forgiving if he’d found her in bed with the neighbor? She thought not.

Why am I thinking about this? I have a date! I am not going to blow the evening by getting in a funk over Eddie. She rethought. I have a date. She giggled, remembering the stolen kiss. She’d never thought to see him again, no matter how intrigued she’d been, no matter how wonderful the kiss had been. And Jonas on the bus…oh my…intrigue spiked to a whole new level. She was definitely looking forward to their date. Maybe she would actually have something to share for the next Saturday morning confessional. With a hopeful smile, she entered the elevator that would take her back upstairs to the club. The elevator doors closed, shutting out the traffic noise. “Hello.” Autumn jumped, spinning to face a man standing in the corner that she hadn’t realized was there. Small slurping noises drew her eyes down to where a bleached blonde sat on her knees delivering a blowjob. Eyes wide, jaw dropped, Autumn spun around to face the front of the car.

Be calm, be calm. It’s just a man getting a blowjob.

28

Roxy Harte

Oh shit! Be calm! Becalmbecalmbecalm ! she chanted, though it didn’t matter that she’d been chanting her mantra all night…this moment was no more conducive to being calm than any of the others, including her baptism by stage show. She was still not sure how she’d missed realizing the woman on stage was a man -- until after he’d raised his skirt and revealed the very naked truth of the matter. Or a woman who wanted to hook up and allow her boy toy to watch. This was just one more very uncalm moment to join the list. She watched the blinking numbers announce each floor. Why was the club all the way at the top? The slurping grew louder and she considered getting off on the next floor, but her fingers wouldn’t reach out to touch one of the glowing buttons. She thought they’d be as embarrassed as she, but glancing over her shoulder, she decided, not him; he looked entirely too smug. Why hadn’t the woman jumped up to adjust her clothing? If it were her, she knew she would be cringing behind the man with embarrassment. No, what was she thinking? She would never be caught in such a compromising position. Juliet would. Kim would too. And Delilah had already revealed in too much detail an incident eerily similar a few months earlier on their legendary Saturday morning conference calls…though she had been the one giving the blowjob. What did that say about her friends? She knew for a fact that they weren’t sluts. She reminded herself to have a serious discussion with herself later as to what specifically did define slut these days, just to clarify; they were just fun loving. And yes, Autumn liked to think of herself as fun loving too; however, she never seemed to luck into the opportunities her friends did and she wasn’t brave. They would see this as a primo opportune, but that led to the question, what to do with the opportunity? She didn’t have a clue…she was after all…just a watcher. She sighed, nonchalantly looking over her shoulder to check out the man. At first glance, he’d been incredible. And at second glance? Devastating. He looked as if he’d walked out of the pages of a glossy magazine, a model, or someone famous, or someone who should be famous. His shoulder-length black hair fell around his face as he looked down at the woman sucking his cock. With a mere lift of his eyes, mysterious hazel irises surrounded by the thickest set of lashes she’d ever seen on a man, he captivated Autumn. He winked. She jumped, seeming to wake from a dream that concealed the woman still on her knees between this man’s legs. Yes, he still leaned into the wall of the elevator, casual as could be, even though a woman greedily slurped between his thighs. Normally, she enjoyed a good voyeuristic moment…but this was pushing it. She’d never watched so openly before, or in such close proximity. Don’t look there! Autumn forced her eyes to focus above his shoulders, examining closer the strong face with chiseled features and a black goatee that made him deadly as sin. Shadows now hid his eyes but his nose was strong and nicely shaped, if a little crooked, like it had been broken before.

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He looked like Rick Springfield. Knowledge dawned slowly. She gaped, knowing without a doubt that she was looking at Master M. But wasn’t he with Juliet? Unless…he’d already made her fly and now he was… “Damn. That was fast.” He lifted his brow at her comment, then looked down at his dick. “No, not really.” Autumn ducked her face, snickering. Maybe he’d never had a chance to hook up with Juliet…well, obviously he hadn’t because there hadn’t been enough time…right? Flying would surely take more than a few minutes, and if he hadn’t made Juliet fly, Autumn couldn’t lie and say she wasn’t relieved. Flying seemed…dangerous. She took another peek at the man’s face and decided he looked dangerous. He wore a leather vest, his tanned chest bare, exposing a nice line of muscles over his stomach that led to his pelvis like a sharp arrow. Faded blue jeans rode low on his hips, unzipped and opened… She looked. Shit ! She glanced away as quickly as she could but not before noticing the long, thick penis sliding in and out of the woman’s mouth. “Like what you see?”

The smug bastard ! In a flash, she turned to face him, ready to give him a piece of her mind, tired as she was of all men being bastards, when the peculiarity of the moment dawned on her… Shouldn’t he be enjoying the attention of the woman between his thighs? Shouldn’t he be lost in bliss, moaning and whispering encouragement? Shouldn’t he be coming by now? But as his gaze snagged hers, his look smoldered challenge and she got lost in the depths of his teasing hazel eyes and sinfully thick dark lashes.

He isn’t enjoying her performance at all. “Well?” he demanded. She looked him over. She drawled, “You’re easy on the eyes,” turning away with a blush and determined to not keep looking at him. She steeled her eyes on the faded gray elevator doors. Proud of herself for being so brave, Autumn forced away her blush; this had gone beyond insanity. This was something she could tell her friends about! Finally, her very own great adventure… She could almost hear the silence of their bated breath, waiting for her to tell all for a change. Autumn sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, seeing the picture in her mind as they waited…and realizing she had absolutely nothing to tell. Oh yeah, except for the challenge she’d felt emanating from those incredible bedroom eyes. A challenge she’d met with a smart comeback. Great. Awesome story.

30

Roxy Harte

“That’s it? I’m easy on the eyes?” His voice was loaded with mock challenge and, strangely, disappointment. Oh, she thought with despair, what would her friends do? She snorted. Kim or Delilah would offer to do him next and she certainly wouldn’t go there. What would Juliet do? No, no. She imagined an erotic Juliet sandwich and knew she would definitely not go there! But possibly, just possibly, she was capable of a naughty stunt of her own, especially since the likelihood of ever seeing him again was beyond remote. Her eyes flew up to the lighted numbers above the elevator doors, counting up their ascent. Still, seven floors to go. Time. She had time. But to do --

No time to think, Autumn, just do something. Do something! For the first time in her life, she did what she felt compelled to do and backed up and leaned against the elevator wall, putting her side to side with the man. She didn’t look down at the woman on her knees who -- despite Autumn’s arrival in the elevator -- kept sucking. She forced her eyes to his face. Another step found her brushing against his body. She reached to touch him, grazing her fingers over his jaw. She smoothed her fingers over his face, then wrapped her hand around the base of his neck. He didn’t move, not one inch, though his dark eyes widened and the smirk left his face. She grew bolder, knowing he hadn’t expected this. She felt his rising chest go still beneath the press of her breasts as she moved even closer. She wanted to believe that she was responsible…that somehow because of her nearness he’d forgotten to breathe…but then his breath left in a hiss. His eyes closed, briefly, long enough for her to gather enough bravado to press her lips to his wide mouth, but only to plant soft kisses at the corners of his lips. His lips were as soft as rose petals and she longed to sweep out her tongue, just for a little taste, but she didn’t dare. His eyes opened and for a second she was caught in their wonder. Seeking safer haven than their golden-flecked depths, she lowered her eyes to his chest, her hands traveling where her eyes wandered…over his collarbone, down the line between his pecs. He still hadn’t moved a muscle to touch her, but he was definitely paying attention to her, and his breathing had kicked up a notch. She leaned her head back to look directly into his eyes and saw hunger.

He wants me. It was enough to spur her further, enticing her mouth to succumb to temptation.

Just a little taste, she promised herself as her lips sealed over his. The result was a long, deep kiss. Her tongue, not satisfied with its promised taste dove deep, then deeper. The kiss spiraled out of control, because even though he still hadn’t moved to touch her, the power had somehow shifted. She felt a pull from deep within her soul as she was filled with a mind-numbing lust unlike anything she’d experienced before. Clutching his shoulders, her knees weak enough to collapse, she felt the tension building within the man, a screaming need waiting to be vented.

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What just happened? He was close to coming, she could feel it…so close…when a moment before he’d been bored. I did this to him. The elevator chimed and she froze, knowing the elevator door was going to open. Her mouth pressed to his, tongues mingled, she held her breath. The door opened and after a long pause, closed again. Their ascent continued. He took control of the kiss, hungrily and greedily demanding more from her mouth. Her knees went weak and her pussy tightened but her mind stayed in control. She pulled her lips away from his and for a long moment held his gaze, feeling the small jerks of his taut abdomen and chest muscles beneath the press of her palm. She couldn’t help smirking as she leaned into the tender spot behind his right ear. She inhaled deeply, noisily. Lost in his scent and almost forgetting her motive, she sighed. “You smell incredible too,” she said and she knew her words had pushed him over the edge. He was a goner. The muscles beneath her hand grew rigid and locked in spasm. Autumn held on to him, feeling his fall as his orgasm went on and on, his growl sounding too painful to bear, and his heartbeat drumming out of control beneath her hand. The elevator chimed, doors opening for a second time. Autumn managed a wink at the girl still on her knees as she rushed through the barely opened gray doors. She risked a look over her shoulder and their gazes locked; his face revealed a combination of postorgasmic bliss and sloe-eyed relaxation. It was the face that she knew would fill her fantasies for many nights to follow. She smiled and kept walking. Behind her, just as the doors closed, she heard him curse and a strangled, “Wait!” She didn’t wait and she didn’t turn around to get back into the elevator even after she realized that she’d gotten off too early. She was in Dante’s, but it could be one of three floors and she wasn’t sure which floor she’d ended up on. This floor was darker and moodier -- the music was piped in instead of live -- and the servers were actually wearing clothes, if barely. They all wore wide black collars with a silver loop at the throat. She stole a shot off a passing server’s tray and realized she had only after the whiskey was scorching the back of her throat. She closed her eyes, trembling. I kissed a total stranger. She covered her mouth to keep from shrieking. That wasn’t vicarious ! She giggled insanely, opening her eyes to find Jonas stalking toward her. “Oh!” He smiled broadly. “Hey you!” He stopped in front of her, wooden drumsticks in hand. “I finally found you!” “Hi!” She broke into a wide smile despite the feeling deep in her gut that she should be running. She pointed at the elevator. “I was” -- she gestured frantically -- “has it been thirty minutes already?”

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“Just barely, but if you are ready, I really need to head out.” Autumn shrugged and smiled. “Ready.” “Awesome.” He smiled and her heart tripped over itself. He was too cute for words. His head bent and he kissed her, leaving her trying to remember how to breathe. When he released her, he said, “I hope that was okay. I’ve wanted to do that since you stepped off the bus.” She nodded and let him pull her through the labyrinth of halls, down a quick flight of stairs and through a heavy metal door labeled FIRE EXIT. She’d kissed two men in the space of as many minutes. She didn’t have an intelligent thought more pressing than the “wow” that rounded her mouth until the cool night air hit her in the face and she realized they stood in an alley. A van was parked with its engine running. Jonas pulled her to the other side of the van to stand by a motorcycle. He exchanged words with the driver of the van and handed her a helmet. “Oh!” She looked from him to the bike, thinking it looked too fast. It was sleek and Japanese. She thought it looked terrifying, though she liked the way the bright blue parts looked next to the chrome parts. “Never rode on the back of a cycle?” Eyes wide, she shook her head. Jonas smiled and took the helmet from her. He put it on her head and pulled the straps to adjust the fit. He threw his leg over the cycle as the van pulled away and shoved his drumsticks into a pocket that ran the length of his spine on the outside of his customized jacket. “Climb on behind me. Hold on to my waist. You are going to love this!”

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Chapter Five Autumn did as she was told, settling behind him, and when he took off like a bolt of lightning, she held on for dear life. She tried not to think of all the injury cases she’d won for people disabled in accidents and the grievous injuries that her clients had incurred. “Oh God!” But then she opened her eyes and got caught up in the swirling lights of downtown Atlanta as they raced along the interstate. “Wow.” She snuggled closer to the man, the heat traveling through his leather jacket to sear her breasts, or maybe it was her own heat searing him. She tried to remind herself what a dangerous activity she was engaging in, but with the bike vibrating between her legs and her nipples reacting to their mixed heat by tightening painfully, she couldn’t connect an intelligent thought other than she wished they were heading someplace to be alone. Heart pounding, mind floating, she was disappointed when the ride ended. She’d just started enjoying herself. Jonas helped her off the bike and released her helmet. “Fun?” His eyes twinkled. “Oh God! Fun!” She shrieked enthusiastically. “That was amazing!” Jonas laughed and grabbed her hand. “Come on. I want to get you a table near the stage.” Five minutes into the show, Autumn discovered that she loved jazz. It also turned out that Jonas played multiple instruments, since he was playing sax. A woman with bright red, spiked hair was singing. She wore a deep shade of red lipstick and wore an orange dress. She should have looked ridiculous but under the soft lighting, she was stunning and her voice was amazing.

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Autumn tried to remember if she had sung at Dante’s too. She must have but if she had been, she hadn’t stood out as now. She caught a look between her and Jonas and his head nod in Autumn’s direction. The woman looked at her hard, finally offering a smile as she managed to keep singing. She looked back at Jonas and gave him an approving smile. It was an odd exchange that made her worry that this woman was to Jonas what Lily had been to the creep Bobby. It didn’t seem likely, but still she worried, and spent the rest of the number wondering just who the woman in the orange dress was and what relationship she had with Jonas. Between songs, she got her answer. “Lydia, this is…” Jonas introduced and froze. “Oh my God, I don’t even know your name.” Autumn laughed and the woman introduced as Lydia snorted. Reaching out her hand, she started to introduce herself as A.J. but instead said, “Autumn Blessings.” Lydia reached out her hand and they shook. “That’s an unusual name.” “Yes.” Autumn shrugged, noting that Lydia had a British accent as well. “I’ve been told it sounds like a porn star name.” “No, not a porn star.” Lydia dropped her hand and turned to Jonas. “Wasn’t that the drag queen’s name?” “Oh God!” Jonas’s mouth dropped open. “Yes, you’re right! Oh God!” They both laughed and kept laughing. Finally Lydia turned back to her, “Oh love, I’m sorry, I have to get back on stage, but it’s been a pleasure.” She walked away, but kept laughing. Jonas turned and put his hands on her shoulders, he’d laughed so hard tears pulled at the corners of my eyes. “I would have never remembered that. Leave it to my sister.” “What?” Autumn insisted. “Care to let me in on the joke?” “Autumn Blessings had a crush on me back in our London club days. He used to follow us around to all of our gigs for a bit, made a fair ass of himself out in the audience. I finally had to get him banned from our performances,” he explained. “I’m sorry. It was just one of those life moments. Leave it to my sister to remember his name.” “Your sister?” “Oh shoot, I barely even introduced you two. I’m sorry. Lydia is my sister.” Onstage, Lydia started singing a cappella and Jonas hurried to take a seat beside Autumn. “This is nice,” he said. “I’m really glad you came. Ever since the bus…I haven’t been able to think of anything but you.” Autumn blushed and looked away. He took his hand and turned her chin. She knew even in the dark room, he could tell she was blushing. “Do you realize how captivating you are? And you’re here. Wow.”

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Autumn couldn’t help but smile. He hadn’t said that she was beautiful, which was so boringly typical. Lydia’s song ended and Jonas stood. “Don’t move. Three more songs and then I’m free to take you to dinner.” “I can’t wait.” She realized that she meant it. Wow. Jonas turned back to look at her, a wide smile on his face. “Really?” “I’m starving,” she teased, and watched him climb the two steps to the stage. Through the rest of the performance, she barely took her eyes from his, and he didn’t take his gaze from hers. Midway through what she thought was his last song of the night, her heart started pounding and she worried about how too wonderful it felt being here. He really wasn’t her type.

He could be. She sighed, having decided. She was done living vicariously. She was ready to experience everything life had to offer. And she was definitely ready to experience Jonas. She watched as he anchored his sax and kissed his sister before leaving the stage. He walked over to the table wearing the same irresistible smile. “Starving, huh?” Autumn nodded. “Like Chinese?” “Love Chinese.” Taking her hand, he led her from the jazz club and walked her the length of the block. Two buildings from the Blue Parrot, he opened the door to an unassuming small restaurant. “Welcome to Wong’s, the only all-night Chinese joint in Atlanta.” He then led her to one of the four booths in the small space. As they sat he asked, “Beer okay?” “Beer’s great.” He walked up to the order counter, which was three paces away, “Numbers four, seven, sixteen, and twenty-four. And two Harbins.” He never looked at the menu. “Order here much?” she asked from the booth, knowing he’d hear her. He looked over at her and winked as he paid and picked up the two Harbins. “Bottle’s okay?” “Fine.” He sat across from her, passing her one of the beers. “Nice,” she said, smoothing her hand over the printed rice paper wrap surrounding the bottle. “I didn’t know beer could look so pretty. It’s like gift wrap.” Jonas smiled and nodded. “In answer to your question, I live in an apartment upstairs. I eat here almost every night.” “Oh.” He lives upstairs? That’s convenient.

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Autumn watched as he took a long swallow from the bottle. His sleeves were already rolled up and the movement of his arm made the muscles in his forearm flex. She thought she caught the shadow of a tattoo just above the fabric. When he set his beer back on the table, she reached out and touched his arm, flirting. “Nice muscles.” “They come with the job. Drums and sax…” He winked. “You’ll be disappointed in the rest of me if you’re looking for muscles. White fish belly.” He lifted the tail of his shirt to prove it and failed miserably. He was no Arnold Schwarzenegger, but he was thin and lean, and the distinct owner of a six-pack, although as pale white as she’d ever seen. “Ever think of getting some sun?” “Allergic.” “Really?” He laughed. “No, not really, but I don’t really like the heat so much.” Autumn nodded. “Atlanta is harsh in the summertime, nothing like Wales.” “Do you know anything about the UK?” “Not particularly. I know where London is on a map and that Wales is to the left of that…Scotland is north…and a bit of Ireland is included.” Jonas laughed. “Well, ye know more than most Americans then. I grew up in Aberystwyth in Ceredigion.” She shrugged. “It’s on the west coast, on Cardigan Bay, almost halfway between Dublin and London if you drew a line. The University of Wales is there and the National Library. But mostly it’s a coastal town and as such draws a lot of tourists.” Autumn laughed. “And the town is probably a thousand years old. That’s what I know about most of Wales. Every place has history.” “A bit. History is important.” She shrugged. “That’s the way it is with most Americans. No interest in history.” “Just because we don’t have much history doesn’t mean that most Americans don’t appreciate it. I’d love to see Britain sometime.” My father is in Britain. “It seems very romantic, all the castles and pubs.” Jonas laughed. “We have our share of pubs.” “So why are you here?” “Here as in the United States, or here in Atlanta, Georgia?” “Either. Both.”

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“Actually, I came here three years ago to drag my sister home. Mum said, ‘don’t come home without her.’” “And I’m guessing she hasn’t agreed to go home yet?” In answer, he lifted his beer and she clinked hers to his as he asked, “You know my sister well then?” The food arrived all at once, noodles and beef, rice and chicken, dumplings on the side, and crab rangoon. Autumn grabbed a piece of the rangoon. “I love this.” “Aye. It’s good. An hour, two beers each, and four empty serving dishes later, Autumn announced, “I can die happy now.” Jonas smirked and said with all sincerity, “I can’t. I haven’t seen you naked yet.” Her eyebrows went up and she laughed, answering playfully, “Well, I like honesty. That’s always a good place to start.” Jonas nodded toward the doors. Lydia and the rest of the band were heading in. “So I can see you again?” “Definitely.” She reached into her purse and handed him her business card. “Call my cell. It’s the second number.” “A.J.?” Jonas scanned the card, eyebrows arching. “You’re a lawyer?” “Is that a problem?” She sat up straighter. “Not at all, I’m looking forward to calling you. Trust me.”

Trust me. There was something in the way he said that. It made a shiver go down her spine.

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Chapter Six “You left without us!” Juliet accused. Though she was two years younger than the others, it was both blessing and curse that she tended to mother the rest of them. Autumn smiled at the electric charge traveling over the phone line. She could almost feel Juliet’s anxiety and guessed that even her ratty blue chenille robe bristled. It felt like she’d barely climbed into bed when the phone was ringing. Had they really sat at the Chinese restaurant laughing and talking until dawn? She’d liked Lydia and the band members, but she’d been disappointed she no longer had Jonas all to herself. She was glad when he offered her a ride home on his bike. She squinted at her bedside clock. Seven-thirty? “God, Juliet. I’ve been in bed an hour. Let me call you back once I’ve slept.” “Not until you tell me where you were all night! We’ve been worried sick! We’ve been out looking for you!” Autumn felt a thrill that for a moment she’d been counted as missing. She’d never done anything that could make anyone worry before. She immediately felt guilty for scaring them. “I’m sorry, Juliet. I’m fine.” “Save it!” Juliet conferenced in the rest of the group immediately. Autumn snickered, mentally chastising her complacent attitude on being delirious from lack of sleep and Chinese beer. “It isn’t funny,” Juliet insisted. “We thought you might have been kidnapped.” “Kidnapped?” “We were worried. She isn’t exaggerating. But I didn’t think you’d been kidnapped. I just figured you came home but then I called here a dozen times and you didn’t answer,” Delilah admitted. “Then I was very worried.”

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“I went out…” “And you better have a damn good reason for scaring us to death! We organized a search party,” Kim said. “And now you’re found safe and sound and I’m short hours and hours of beauty sleep and I have a lunch date with Victor.” “Search party?” “Ooohhh la la. Victor!” Juliet succumbed to Kim’s bait. The conversation veered left of center from there as talk turned to their Dante sexcapades. Autumn pouted. No one even considered that she might have an exciting story to tell. They were just concerned that there might have been foul play involved because, really, could she really manage any excitement on her own after all? Well, she’d had fun, she thought…even if she hadn’t had sex or learned to fly. The gloomy view outside her kitchen window matched her heart, mind, and spirit…dreary with thunderstorms imminent. She really needed to get a life -- a life of her own. The highlight of her week should not be listening to her friends tell about their escapades…and exploring the opportunity of promised nakedness with Jonas was at the top of her priority list. She hoped he’d call soon, but even with a promise of a date, what she really wanted was to be a free spirit -- spontaneous -- like last night in the elevator. That was spontaneous. And exciting. And so unlike her! She wanted to feel the exhilaration she felt last night again. She imagined that was the thrill for Nicole in the back of the bus. Adrenaline. Autumn’s cell phone rang from the depths of her purse but she didn’t bother to dig for it. The call she was on was definitely more important and usually a Sunday call meant she’d end up at the office…and she definitely had to have sleep before that would happen. At some point it became obvious that a fight had ensued between Delilah and Kim over the man named Victor. They both hung up, leaving Juliet and Autumn remaining on the call. “What was that about?” Autumn asked. Juliet sighed. “What’s it always about? A man. Are you really all right? I was worried.” “I know. I’m sorry. I should have at least called your cell and let you know I’d left.” “Must have been some guy if you were out all night. Tell me.” “Ah, Juliet, I’m exhausted. Can I tell you all about it tomorrow?” “No,” she said. “I want the story and I want all the naughty details.” “You’ve got beauty sleep to get.” “I’ve got the rest of my life to catch up. And you, actually having a naughty little secret to share, will be worth dark circles. Besides, I’m in my pj’s standing outside your door. We’ll make it a slumber party! And don’t worry, I already texted the girls.” Ten minutes later Kim arrived, announcing, “I found a stray.”

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Breezing by Kim, Delilah entered, her short black hair spiked, well-worn jeans and a soft charcoal T-shirt that hung loosely enough to conceal that she was braless and small enough to not require a bra in any case. She was startlingly dark compared to Kim, whose platinum good-girl looks usually stole the limelight. Even after a night of partying, her long blonde hair billowed in soft curls perfectly around her shoulders, and her pastel pink cashmere dress hugged tightly to her bad-girl curves. Autumn blinked twice, seeing Delilah’s hand press into the small of Kim’s back as she walked by. Such a simple touch, but it made Autumn’s mind freeze, even though her hand hadn’t lingered. Her imagination ran wild with the image of her two friends in a naked embrace. She shook her head. Hard. Not believing the thought that had just kidnapped her brain. They were beautiful together; but no, Kim was definitely not like that. As far as that went, Delilah’s notched bedpost proved she wasn’t like that either. “What’s wrong with you?” Delilah grumbled, slouching into a big, comfy side chair. She arranged and rearranged pillows until, giving up, she tossed two of the three on the floor. Autumn managed to slam shut her slack jaw and silently closed the door. They’d be a cute couple. She forced away the thought as Kim returned from the kitchen and handed her three books. “If you’re coming with us…you have to be prepared.” She looked over the titles: The Story of O and Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns. She looked up, meeting Kim’s gaze, hoping that they didn’t plan to go back to Dante’s as she asked, “Coming with you where?” “Victor’s Halloween Barn Bash,” Kim answered, like that explained everything; making Autumn even more nervous than if she’d said Dante’s. Then Kim lifted her vibrating cell. “Oops, that’s him.” “You gave Victor your cell number?” Autumn gasped, knowing that no one had Kim’s cell number except for the four of them. She never gave her number to anyone, especially men. If she wanted to talk to someone she always made the call, so for her to give Victor her number…this was big; this was incredible. “I had to, sweetie. He organized the search,” Kim explained. Stunned, she watched the three of them settling into her living room, donuts on small plates, iced glasses of Pepsi at arms’ reach, and Kim talking on the phone. Everything seemed normal, except for the fact that she had a box of erotica and sex manuals on her couch and her friends had embarked on a conversation centered on how they knew for a fact that she wasn’t frigid. “You are going to love Victor!” Delilah announced. “And he has invited all of us to his Halloween party.” “So I heard,” Autumn replied, looking at the books on her coffee table. This is going to

be bad.

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“He holds it at his plantation. He turns the field behind his house into a sex maze and the barn into a bondage play space.”

Really bad. “It is going to be amazing!” Juliet bounced on the couch. “Master M said --” “Master M?” Autumn croaked. “We’re kind of seeing each other now,” Juliet admitted. “You are going to love him.” Autumn closed her gaping mouth. She had just been assured that she was going to love two men who were obviously into bondage games. She felt a little like Alice in Wonderland. “So when is this barn party?” “Friday night!”

So soon ? Her heart started pounding with trepidation. She sure hoped that Jonas pulled through on a promise of a date… Friday night would be wonderful. Friday night meant she could legitimately miss Victor’s barn party; and that was her plan…avoid that party at all cost! Her cell phone rang again and she decided she had to take the call, even if it meant going to the office on no sleep. Leaving the girls talking about the barn party, she escaped to her bedroom to take the call in private. “Hello? “Hi. Did I wake you?”

Jonas? Smiling, Autumn sat down on the edge of her bed. “No, you didn’t wake me.” “Sorry, I couldn’t sleep. I keep thinking about you. I wish I would have talked you into staying.” She smiled. Hearing her friends’ voices getting louder in the living room, she wished she’d stayed over too. “Can I see you tonight?”

Wow. That soon? Should she do this? Should she really encourage him? “Am I moving too fast? I’m sorry. I just want you to know that I find you really fascinating and last night I had fun. It’s been a long time since I’ve had fun…with anyone.” Autumn found herself nodding, agreeing with the sentiment. “You lie! You were having a lot of fun in the back of that bus.” Jonas laughed. “I admit it; I was. Being behind the camera is good for me…” “Oh really?” Autumn teased. “Maybe I can put you in charge of my fantasies.” God,

where did that come from? “Well now, if you need me to be that guy…” he teased back.

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“We’ll see,” Autumn whispered, feeling suddenly shy. Juliet poked her head around the door just then. “Everything okay?” Autumn nodded and waved her away, but of course Juliet stayed. So much for privacy. She asked Jonas, “So, what were you thinking?” “Tonight. Dinner. How’s eight?” “That would be wonderful. I’ll see you tonight.” She hung up the phone and sighed happily. “You have a date!” Juliet accused from her doorway. “Eavesdropping is rude.” Autumn grinned broadly, wriggling her eyebrows. “And yes, I have a date.” Juliet squealed and raced to sit beside her on the bed. “The musician, right?” Autumn blushed. “Shh. I don’t want the others to know.” Juliet leaned closer and matched her hushed tone. “Why is it a secret?” Autumn whispered back, “I don’t know.” “Why are we whispering?” Autumn shrugged, not knowing how to explain that Jonas made her senses come alive or that she hoped with him, she could share all the naughtiness she’d held so tightly inside for so many years.

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Chapter Seven Right on time, Autumn’s doorbell rang. She was nervously pacing the floor. God, how long had it been since she’d been out on a date? Years! Not counting last night, which was sort of a date… She checked herself in the wall mirror before answering the door, then took an extra minute to apply lip gloss and more foundation. It made little improvement. She looked like she’d had three hours sleep! Then she remembered that she’d actually had only three hours of sleep thanks to the arrival of the girls. She honestly thought they’d never leave but thankfully they did. Ridiculously enough it was because of another argument that had broken out over the man named Victor. She made a face at the mirror. Yes, she’d looked better…but she wasn’t going to let lack of sleep keep her from opening the door. She closed her eyes as she reached for the door handle, hoping to still her racing heart. She felt like she was opening the door to a new future. A new her. She sure hoped she wasn’t headed toward disappointment. Opening the door to Jonas, she forgot all about the girls, Victor, or how bad she thought she looked. The look on Jonas’s face told her that he still thought she looked captivating. He handed her a bouquet of flowers. She put her nose into the bouquet, obligingly sniffing. Why did girls always do that? Did any flower ever smell as wonderful as the forced oohs and ahhs they emoted? Not that she wasn’t appreciative…it had been a long time since a man had given her flowers and she had no idea how to behave, or why being handed flowers embarrassed her. “They are beautiful! I’ll just put them in water.” She started for the kitchen and the doorbell rang again. “I’m sorry, I don’t know who…” “No, my fault. It’s food. I ordered out. Go ahead and put those in water.”

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Autumn tilted her head, slightly disappointed. She’d gotten dressed up for nothing? Her disappointment disappeared when she returned to find all of the lights off and dozens of candles burning. On the table were two dinners that had obviously come from a very nice restaurant, not a normal takeout. Jonas pulled out her chair and she sat at the dining table, still gaping. “I didn’t know you could have prime rib delivered.” He smiled. “Somebody owed me a favor.” “The man from the bus?” “No, actually another friend.” He shook out a linen napkin. “I do some pretty crazy things for my friends and somebody always owes me back.” Autumn shook her head, wondering what he’d done to warrant prime rib. “Well, this is very nice. Actually, this is amazing.” “I just wanted tonight to be private. There were so many people around last night that we couldn’t really talk.” Autumn nodded as she cut into the rare meat. She speared a bite and swirled it through the provided horseradish. Popping it into her mouth, she moaned. It was the most amazing steak she’d ever tasted. “So what did you think of Dante’s Inferno?” She almost choked to death on her first bite. He pounded her back and she ended up taking several swallows of wine before she could talk and breathe at the same time. “That was a conversation starter.” “I didn’t realize it would be that distressing. You really don’t know anything about the lifestyle, do you?” “Not really,” she admitted, embarrassed. “You don’t have to be embarrassed. I love it that you are so…innocent.” “I’m not!” she denied. He lifted his eyebrow. “Okay, I admit I don’t know very much about kink.” “Do you want to know more?” Autumn put down her fork, knowing that this conversation and eating wasn’t going to go hand in hand. She picked up her glass of wine. “I’m not totally ignorant; I read Dante’s brochure. I think I understand most of the terminology.” She didn’t tell him about the books her friends had brought over that she hadn’t even had time to open yet. “Whew. That’s a relief.” She laughed, even more embarrassed because she felt like she sounded ludicrous. He kissed her. She hadn’t been expecting that. She leaned into him so that their faces were almost touching, hoping he’d do it again. He didn’t disappoint. His lips played over hers, teasing her,

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enticing her, then he whispered against her mouth, “I don’t usually ask someone out unless I’m sure that they are interested in playing.” Playing she knew. That was one of the words in the brochure and she recalled it with perfect clarity: Playing, also known as pain play: Any activity in which one person inflicts pain on a consenting partner, for the pleasure of one or more of the people involved. Examples of pain play would be spanking, flogging, whipping, caning. They were still nose to nose and eye to eye. His warm breath fanned over her face and she leaned in, brushing her lips over his, admitting, “Well, I’ve never played before.” “I guessed as much.” His lips teased lightly over her jaw as he whispered, “But do you think you might like to?”

Oh God. She felt like she was dancing with the devil. His lips offered such tantalizing pleasure, but there was a catch and that consequence terrified her. Pain. “I don’t think I’m a big fan of pain,” she admitted. Her cheek rubbed against the rough stubble of his jaw. He sat back, pulling away with him the promise of more pleasure. He watched her over his plate of barely touched food and lifted his wineglass. “A toast?” She looked at him like he’d lost his mind, but she lifted her glass. Smiling playfully, he said, “To helping you discover if you enjoy kink.” Autumn touched her glass to his, noting that he purposely said enjoy kink, not enjoy pain. She sipped her wine, as did he. Then he said, “It will be an honor I won’t take lightly. All you have to do is trust me.”

Trust. There’s that word again, and that she couldn’t promise. She looked down at her plate, knowing her dinner wasn’t going to get eaten. “I don’t want to find out if I’ll enjoy pain. So before this goes any further…” “I won’t hurt you,” he promised. “You just --” Jonas held up his hand. “The first thing you need to know is that there is a big difference between pain and bodily injury. Trust me that I will not cause you any permanent damage. Trust me that I will honor your boundaries.”

Boundaries ? What had she read about boundaries? “Safe word?” “Of course.” He laughed. “I guess you aren’t completely ignorant.” Autumn smiled. “A week ago I would have never dreamed that I would be having a conversation even close to this one.” “So why are we having it?”

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She knew he wasn’t being sarcastic. Why were they having it? What had changed ? “I’ve been thinking about you ever since the party. Partly because I’m very attracted to you, but also because what happened on the bus fascinated me.” “Why?” “Ah, isn’t that the scary question.” Jonas stood and held out his hand. “Let’s take a walk.” “Okay.” She stood and took his hand, allowing him to lead her outside. They walked around the block that was her quiet neighborhood in silence. He was waiting for her to think it through and she wondered how he knew she needed the time. She tipped her head back and looked at the sky. “What a beautiful night.” Yes, I’m stalling. Jonas agreed that it was a beautiful night, then pulled her across the road and they started around that block. “The woman in the bus. Nicole? She really trusts the man she was with.” “Yes. Nicole and Ty trust each other.” “And they both trusted you. I’m assuming the video wasn’t posted on the Internet.” “I wouldn’t do that… Unless they asked me to.” “That’s why you are here tonight, because what happened on the bus fascinated me…not the sex…but the exchange of energy between the three of you.” “Between the four of us,” he corrected. In the dark, Autumn smiled that he included her. She’d felt that too. That it wouldn’t have been the same experience for Nicole and Ty if she hadn’t been there. “There are many types of playing.” Jonas lifted her hand and kissed her fingers where his linked through hers. “To someone who is extremely uptight, that simple kiss, if it was done in public, could be construed as play.” Jonas pulled her up short and turned her to face him. They stood in front of the house across the road from hers. Lifting her chin, he kissed her, gently, teasingly, barely brushing her lips and the tension between them seemed touchable. “This is nice,” he whispered and she could hear the unsaid but lying between them. His hand moved behind the nape of her neck and he startled her by wrapping his fingers around her neck fast and hard. She tried to pull away but he held her; he moved his lips closer, not kissing her, but almost. Autumn tried to kiss him, anything to ease the tension that had just grown ten times more intense. He held her neck firm, not letting her move forward or back and kept his lips agonizingly close but just out of reach. Her need shot through the roof. “Please,” she whispered. “This is nice too,” he said, but then his fingers wrapped into her hair and he pulled tight.

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“Ow!” He pulled just a little harder, but just enough for her to realize that it hurt and that it was meant to. Her heart thudded hard against the inside of her sternum and the sensation hummed down her spine, building need like she’d never known before. His lips crushed against hers and he completely controlled the kiss, letting her feel the power in his hands, his arms, letting her feel the edge of his passion, and she knew he was holding back. She could feel that he was holding back. He didn’t want to terrify her. He wanted her to trust him. He released her as quickly as he’d grabbed her and she fell forward a little. He caught her and guided her across the street. She was embarrassed that her knees were shaking and that her heart was still pounding furiously. What is wrong with me ? I’ve been kissed before. But never been kissed like that. When they reached her porch, she knew the date was over. She was expected to make a choice, trust him, and see where the next lesson took them or allow him to walk away. After that kiss, how could she let him walk away? She turned to face him. “Invite me in?” “I’m not that kind of a girl,” she teased. “Mmmm.” He bent and kissed her neck. “I’d like to say that disappoints me but strangely, I’m kind of glad that you’re playing hard to get.” “It isn’t a game. This is the real me. I don’t invite men in.” “Ever?” “Ever.” “Now, that is a boundary I’ll have to work on crossing because I will see you naked tonight.” Autumn smiled, feeling drunk on his wanton promise. “I had a very nice time tonight.” She kissed him, teasing his mouth with her lips and tongue, then she abruptly stepped backward through her threshold. He moved away from the door but only backed as far as the railing surrounding her porch. There, he leaned, watching her, crossing his legs at the ankles like he planned on staying awhile. She realized that her hands were shaking as she considered his promise. I will see you naked tonight. His comment vibrated between them. “You are very sure of yourself, mister,” she accused. He laughed. “We have good chemistry together.” Her lips twitched. “We do.” He pushed off the porch railing and took a step forward. Autumn lifted her hand. “Not so fast.”

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He stopped in his tracks and stood looking at her like she was already nude. She swallowed hard. “I can trust you?” He smiled wide. “You can absolutely trust me.” “Good. I want you to do something for me. Consider it a test.” She motioned with her hands, sweeping him back from the door. “Lean on my railing like a moment ago.” His eyes questioned, but he backed up, his eyes not leaving hers. He leaned, crossing his ankles. He planted his hands on the railing. She lifted a finger of warning. “Don’t move.” He nodded. “You want to see me naked?” Jonas barely nodded, seeming mesmerized as his chin barely dipped. She took that for a yes. “Maybe we can play a little?” she asked, slowly lifting her skirt, feeling the shift from silk stocking to lace garter to bare skin as the cool breeze created by the lift of hem teased her thighs. Her skin was soft as velvet as her fingers slid over heated skin, teasing her favorite place to stroke herself, just inside her thighs. Jonas’s eyes followed her fingertips. Her fingers traced higher, sliding under the edge of her satin panties to rub along the soft, bare skin beneath. She was shaved bare because it felt naughty to keep it so. She wondered what Jonas would think once he found out. Groin muscles clenched, she dipped her middle finger into her twat to reveal just how hot and wet she was. And sliding it slowly back and forth between her slick folds brought instantaneous pleasure. She closed her eyes, moaning, because she also really liked noisy sex, especially when her orgasm was close…and while she was at it tonight, she might as well find out what Jonas thought of verbal sex. “You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?” Autumn opened her eyes to find Jonas still leaning against the porch railing. She ducked her head, embarrassed, but managed to hold on to his gaze as she slid out of her panties, pushing them down her thighs and over her knees to pool at her ankles. She stepped out of them and with the toe of her stilettos kicked them across the threshold to land at his feet. She didn’t expect him to bend over and pick them up, but he did. She swallowed hard as he lifted them to his cheek and rubbed the satin against his stubbled skin before inhaling her scent from the fabric. She gasped, growing hotter, realizing she might have started something she couldn’t finish. He tucked her panties into his pants pocket and lifted his eyebrow, challenging her to make her next move. Oh God. He really

was the devil. Her knees trembled as she reached behind her neck and unzipped her dress, letting the flimsy silk fall off her shoulders. A wiggle later, the fabric was pooled at her feet and she

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stood before him in nothing more than her bra, stockings, garter belt, and stilettos. She turned around, stepping from the fabric and giving him the view of her back. Slowly, she unclasped her bra and pulled the fabric free. When she turned back to face him, she was completely nude, except for her shoes, stockings and garter belt. He smiled and clucked, nodding. “So I’ve seen you naked tonight, right?” She smiled back, winking. “Good night, Jonas.” Then she closed the door. “Oh my God!” She was panting with excitement as she fell against the closed door. “I did that!” She was giddy and hornier than she’d ever been. It was a good feeling. Very good. She almost wished she’d invited him in… She settled for leaning into the cool wall and touching herself. Her orgasm was so close -- moaning would definitely push her over the edge…building, building…she moaned louder, rubbing her hips against the cool wall, her fingers digging into the soft flesh of her clit. Her fingernails bit its tender head, making her jump and moan louder, then she heard him on the other side of the door, lightly tapping, and jerking her head up, she could see his outline on the dark porch. “J-Jonas?!” she stammered, her heart beating wildly, mind reeling with implications. “Invite me in, Autumn --” Rubbing her forehead, she tried to focus on what he was saying… “Please.” “Oh God, Jonas, I didn’t know you were there. I thought you’d left!” She said hurriedly, trying to figure out what she should say as heat flooded her cheeks, embarrassed at having been caught masturbating. But then pure adrenaline-pumping excitement washed through her from being so openly exposed to him. “Invite me in.” He pushed his forehead against the window. Hearing his heavy breath, she walked back to the door and touched the spot on the window where his cheek was pushed against the other side. She thought his chin shifted, having caught sight of her hand. With his face so close, she knew he could see her, because she could see the details of his face fairly clearly. “Watching, Jonas?” His voice was thick with need as he murmured, “Mm-hmm.” Hearing his need and knowing that all he could do was watch really turned her on. “Good, Jonas. Watch closely.” Silence billowed between them as she backed away from the window and eased her fingers between her slit. She was so wet and hot, even more so now than before. Her aching need was steamy against her cooler fingertips. Jonas breathed harder through the door and the sound was an even bigger turn-on than her own moans had been, his breath confirming that he was indeed witnessing the naughtiness of Autumn touching herself.

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She was gentle with herself, sliding her fingers ever so slowly and softly along her slick folds, testing, teasing herself, finding the rhythm she enjoyed so much. Her fingers loved this journey; a brand new discovery of self every time, never knowing just which touch would bring the most pleasure, knowing that release lay in her own hands. No man had ever done this for her. She closed her eyes, wondering if Jonas might be the first. “Do you think you might like to touch me here someday, Jonas?” “Not someday, love. I’d like to touch you there now, this minute.” Autumn kept stroking and Jonas kept watching. “Not yet, Jonas. First we have to build trust in our relationship. From there…who knows where we might go.” She pushed into her hand, crying out, her orgasm taking her by complete surprise. “Oh God, Autumn, you really are killing me tonight.” She walked to the door, and pressed her hand to the glass. He kissed the glass separating them. He backed away…he was leaving. She watched him walk down the steps leading from her porch. “Don’t go!” She jerked the door open and he stopped midstride down the sidewalk to his cycle and turned to face her. She held out her hand to him. “Don’t go?” He took her steps two at a time, then grabbed her and pushed her inside, closing and bolting the door. He didn’t ask her if she was certain. He did kiss her and this time, he didn’t restrain his passion. He kissed her until she was weak-kneed and when she couldn’t stand, he picked her up. “Which room is your bedroom?” She pointed the way and he carried her through the house. He kissed her again, hard and fast, taking what he wanted from her mouth before laying her down on the bed. “Tomorrow we have to talk about boundaries.” She froze beneath the look he gave her, undisguised want and need and desire. “And what about tonight?” She shivered, suddenly cold and nervous. “Tonight, no pain. I’ll promise you that.” She nodded. He pulled off his shirt and shivered. “My God, do you always keep it so cold in here?” “Better cold than a hundred degrees. The air conditioner is broken.” He left her lying on the bed while he went out into the hallway and found the controls for the unit. After a moment she heard the air kick off. “I’m sorry, but I can’t perform if I have icicles hanging off my testicles,” he said, reentering her bedroom. She chuckled, saying, “I’m sorry. I just wear a sweater…and extra blankets.” He walked over to her bedside and pushed open her window. A warm breeze was his immediate reward. “Now, that’s better.”

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Autumn sighed. The warmth did feel good against her bare skin. Jonas slid out of his shoes and jeans, then reclined next to her. “Where was I?” “Promising me you wouldn’t hurt me tonight.” She batted her eyelashes dramatically. “Ah yes, but there are so many lovely things I’ve been aching to do to you that won’t hurt a bit.” He smiled and all of her fears flew away. Then he kissed her, softly and sweetly, until it was too much to bear. She pushed against his shoulders, admitting in a rush, “I want you.” “Yes? Well, I’d hoped as much since I’m naked in your bed.”

Make love to me, she longed to say, but she couldn’t say that out loud. How else could she ask, without sounding crude? Because absolutely every alternative seemed coarse. “Tell me what you want me to do.”

Oh, he did not just say that ! It would sound too childish to say, “You know what I want…so just do it! Do me!” So she remained silent, just wishing he would. “I see we’re going to have to work on your communication skills.” He chuckled. He slid his hand over her skin, rubbing down the length of her arms, massaging her hands and fingers, then his hands were rubbing her shoulders and her chest, but not her breasts. He teased above and just under, taking a particular amount of time to find out if her ribs were ticklish -- and they weren’t, at least not until that very brief second when he pushed in between the bones and she shot off the bed with a yelp. He went back to rubbing the skin just above her breasts and just below. “You’re killing me, Jonas!” “Tell me what you want.” “I want you to touch my breasts,” she admitted. He rewarded her immediately, rubbing her sensitive flesh, kneading her firm breasts and making her ache with need. He circled the soft, fleshy pillows of her breasts but didn’t go near her nipples. “Please!” He brushed against her nipple lightly. Tonight, no pain. She realized she’d like him to pinch her nipples. Suck on them, bite them. She moaned against his pale chest, wishing he could read her mind. Her skin seemed dark by comparison and the contrast seemed especially erotic as she watched her fingertips slide over his skin. “I’m touching your breasts,” he teased. “Nipples,” she gritted out between clenched teeth, arching her back, lifting her pelvis off the bed. His fingertips swirled around the nipples, finally touching, but just barely. “I will die from need if I have to ask you to do everything.” “You have to ask. Tell me what you want.”

Make love to me ! “Fuck me, Jonas. Will you please fuck me?”

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His eyes widened. She’d shocked him with her dirty mouth. She thought he might climb off the bed and leave, because he’d sat up. She grabbed his arm. “Don’t leave.” He bent down to pull a condom from his jeans. He waved it in front of her. “I’m not leaving.” She watched as he opened the package and rolled the condom over his erection. He moved between her legs and over her. He barely touched her pussy, separating her folds, then entered her, hard and fast, leaving her gasping. She hadn’t expected that. He thrust and withdrew, thrusting again. He pounded into her, going as deeply as he could with each thrust. It didn’t hurt and she knew he was being careful with her. Frustration built inside her. She didn’t know what it would take to make her orgasm, but she was fairly certain that he would ejaculate before she ever came close. “Stop,” she cried out, not knowing how to verbalize that she needed something else. “Am I hurting you?” he asked. “No!” She squeezed her eyes shut, emotion exploding in her chest, a tear leaking over her cheek. He thrust harder and faster, driving her hips into the mattress. “Oh God, I really want to come,” she admitted. “Are you asking permission?” he whispered close to her face. She started sobbing, “No, I can’t! But I really, really want to.” He slowed his movements, so that his penis slid in and out with deliberate gentleness. “Open your eyes.” She did, though tears blurred her vision. “We really need to work on your communication skills.” “I’m a lawyer. My communication skills are fine,” she argued defensively, her frustration level showing. “I would disagree.” He caught and held her gaze. “Are you saying that you can’t ask me for permission to come or are you stating that you cannot come in the position you are in?” She went up on her elbows so that she could kiss him. It was so much easier to talk to him when she didn’t have to look into his eyes. “Forget what I said. Forget I said stop. I didn’t mean it.” “You wouldn’t have said it if you hadn’t meant it.” “Look, I want to come. I was hoping with you that it could just happen, but it never has before when I’ve had sex, so I’m just frustrated because I was hoping for magic. I guess I thought I could, if I just had a few more seconds…but I won’t…so I shouldn’t delay your enjoyment. That was selfish.” Jonas sighed. “Do you trust me?” “Yes.” She didn’t even think about it this time.

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He continued to thrust slowly and gently. “Will you tell me what you think you need to help you reach an orgasm?” “I don’t know.” “Yes, you do. I just watched you masturbate and orgasm.” Ducking her head, she giggled with embarrassment. “Talk to me, Autumn. Trust me with your body. Trust me with your mind.” She let out the breath she’d been holding, unaware that she’d been holding it in, but suddenly she felt a hundred pounds lighter. Trust me with your body. Trust me with your mind. Could it really be that simple? “So what’s it going to take?” he asked. “Touch my clit?” “And?” “I don’t know, I honestly don’t. I was hoping you would.” He kissed her. “Then let’s find out.” He slid in and out of her, thrusting softly…and rubbing her clit with his fingers. She wrapped her legs around his back and held on tightly as he dropped his lips to hers and teased her mouth with kisses. Her pelvis rocked against his and she could feel the soft brush of his fingertips matching their rhythm against her clit. She gasped against his mouth as his touch lifted her onto a ridge of sharp pleasure; she didn’t focus on it, not daring to hope for orgasm, but she prayed she would. He claimed her mouth, kissing her harder as he rocked against her faster and pushed deeper. She moaned into his mouth as the pleasure grew stronger, forcing her to pay attention to it. She was lifting higher and higher on spikes of pleasure and she could tell that it was his skill pushing her there. She cried out, into his mouth, because he wouldn’t release her from the kiss. “Oh, oh, oh!” He thrust hard, pinching her clit, pulling it, making her scream because the pleasure was so intense, almost pain. “Come for me, Autumn. Come for me now.” His command pulled the orgasm to the surface, making it explode over her body and pulse through her with a million jagged edges of pleasure-pain. Tears fell over her cheeks as sensation and emotion throbbed through her, making her chest swell with need she didn’t understand. She begged, “Yes, oh God yes, Jonas, fuck me hard.” She didn’t have to ask him twice.

***** Hours later she awoke in his arms. “I’m glad you’re still here.” He pulled her closer. “Tell me what you want, Autumn.” “Think you can make me orgasm again?”

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He did. Again and again, until her alarm went off and she moaned. “Oh God, it’s Monday. I have to work now.” “You’ve barely slept.” “It doesn’t matter,” she said, sitting up. “Are you getting up?” “Not on your life. I’ll still be laying here at noon.” She nodded and climbed out of bed. After she took a shower and got dressed, she realized that he really had no intention of leaving. Could she trust him? He was a stranger, how could she trust him? I just had seven hours of mindless sex with this man, I better trust

him. With a quick kiss good-bye, she left him in her bed, hoping she wouldn’t end up regretting it.

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Chapter Eight Autumn didn’t have to wait until she got home from work to make sure that all was well with her world or to find out if sleeping with Jonas was a mistake. He sat outside of her work on his bike when she walked out of her building. With a nervous smile, she walked over to him. He was wearing a skintight biker jacket and it looked good, better than good. He looked hot. Normally, he hid his body beneath so many layers…and it was a good body, not something he should hide. The jacket hinted at just how good. His pants also were leather and molded to fit every inch of him perfectly. He wore them tucked into road-dog boots. He lowered his sunglasses and whistled softly, taking in her slim A-line skirt and jacket. “How come my attorneys never look as good as you?” “I’m not thrilled to know that you ever needed an attorney.” She raised her eyebrows and frowned. If he’s been in as much trouble as he looks like he’s been in, this is a mistake. Why did the bad boys always have to be so damn hot looking? “A long time ago, love. I’m a reformed man,” he promised, lifting her hand chivalrously, kissing the top. His eyes twinkled mischievously and she hoped for the hundredth time that day that she could trust him and that he wouldn’t break her heart. He asked, “Think you can ride in that cute little skirt?” She nodded and he took her briefcase and umbrella from her, tying them both down to the back of the bike with straps. She watched him make quick work of the task before he turned back to her. He was close enough to kiss and she wanted to kiss him but she was also very aware of the others leaving her office. She bit her bottom lip, feeling the gossip beginning. She could almost hear the scandal brewing that she had left work on the back of a motorcycle with an unsavory sort. Three days ago she would have done anything to avoid being the center of the watercooler conversation. But now she could only wonder what was happening to her because she really didn’t care.

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She stepped closer, her breasts pushing into his chest and offered him her lips, coming close but making him meet her halfway. He didn’t disappoint her, kissing her soundly. “I’ve been waiting to do that all day. Let’s get out of here because the rest of what I want to do can’t be done here.” “Should I be scared?” she teased with a laugh. He got on the bike and looked at her to join him. The words fell between them. Should I be scared? Should I? Should I? Should I? He’d admitted last night that he only dated women who knew going in that he enjoyed pain play, that it was expected. Pain…play…two words that seemed shouldn’t be in the same sentence. Her heart slammed into her chest and then started pounding like she’d just run a race. Autumn threw her leg over the seat and climbed on behind him, feeling like she’d won a victory. Her heart was still pounding madly but it felt good to be so scared-nervousworried-excited. She felt alive. He didn’t comment. Did he even realize there was an internal struggle of emotions going on? She thought he did as his gaze caught hers. The look he gave her was one of naughty promises. Or maybe she just imagined it. She took the helmet he handed her and strapped it in place. “Thanks for letting me sleep in.” “I don’t think I could have gotten you out of that bed with dynamite.” She laughed. He revved the engine, laughing. “Probably not. I appreciate your trust too.” She had trusted him. Yes, she’d worried…a lot…but she trusted. It felt nice. She lifted her face into the wind as he pulled out of the parking lot. God, she could get used to this. She felt free. And happy. She rubbed her face into his leather jacket and squeezed his waist, hardly able to believe her last thought. She was happy. They didn’t go straight home. He took her to an adult toy store. She sat on the bike, shaking her head. It was one thing to stir the fires of scandal by leaving work on the back of a motorcycle and it was quite another to step gleefully into the inferno. “I can’t.” “Why? Latex phobia?” he cajoled. “I’ve never --” She couldn’t say it, couldn’t admit that she’d never been in an erotic shop before. She especially couldn’t tell him why. She’d been raised believing that only evil men destined for hell and pedophiles harbored such places. Oh, she knew that Kim and Delilah and even petite, charming Juliet had frequented this super-mega-outlet. She also knew they would be pointing and laughing at her this very second if they knew she was cringing in fear, but she couldn’t get the seedy image from her mind of men hiding their nakedness behind trench coats. Jonas pulled her hand. “Trust me.”

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“You keep saying that!” “Because it’s important that you do.” He pulled her inside and a loud door chime announced their arrival. Autumn jumped at the sound and scooted farther into the store, not wanting her motion to set it off again. She was surprised to see that it was brightly lit, well organized, and as modern as any of the nonadult superstores on the strip. She’d really expected dark shadows and an air of despair. “Jonas!” A woman’s voice screeched from behind the counter.

Jonas ? Autumn turned toward the too perky, too-glad-to-see-Jonas sounding voice and found herself looking at a very young, very beautiful girl with dyed black hair, glaring black eyeliner, and bright red lipstick. She waved both arms, encouraging Jonas to come over for a hug and, as Autumn watched, that’s exactly what Jonas did. He hugged her and kissed her cheek. “Party Friday!” she said enthusiastically. “You’ll be there, right?” He nodded and laughed when she turned around, stuck her jean-covered ass out and spanked herself. “Woot!” Jonas rejoined Autumn and put his arm around her waist. She knew that she’d been stiff before but now she actually felt breakable. She couldn’t get the question that was punching her brain to stop asking…

Has he played with her? Has he had sex with her? God! She’s so young. He’s young, she thought, sneaking a sideways glance at him. With another look she assured herself that no, he still looks late twenties, early thirties…it’s just that first glance that it seems he’s early twenties. She swallowed hard, wanting to ask, dying to ask. But did she really want to know if he had played with her? If he’d had sex with her? “Are you going to shatter?” he asked, pulling her over to a display of leather clothing. “What?” She answered too sharply. He laughed. “I’m sorry, I should have warned you. That is China Girl and she’s pretty heavy into the scene.” Autumn didn’t need her brochure cheat sheet to know that the scene he was referring to was the BDSM scene or that the party she’d asked him about would be a play party. She pretended to look at the rack in front of her, but stole glances at the girl.

Dear God, he is really into it…not just a little…not just he likes to play at home some…but he knows people in the scene. He plays! Maybe with her. “And before you ask, I have never had sex with her. If I thought we were going to bump into an ex-lover, I would tell you in advance.” He smiled at her and she wished his smile were enough to make her heart stop beating so hard. She wasn’t sure when she’d started shaking, but she was shaking, and she knew that any minute she was going to freak out. She whispered, “Is there a public restroom?”

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He pointed to the obvious sign on the wall and she hurried away, hiding, hoping she didn’t throw up but feeling like it was quite honestly a possibility. She dug her cell phone out of her purse and called Juliet. Saying in a rush as soon as her friend answered, “I’m at Vibeland and I’m having a panic attack, tell me to calm down.” “Calm down,” Juliet commanded. “Breathe! Why are you at Vibeland?” Not what’s Vibeland? Or where’s Vibeland ? But what was she doing there because she really shouldn’t even be here… “I came with Jonas.” “Ah, the mystery man from Dante’s. Nice.” “No!” Autumn shrieked. “Not nice. I’m freaking out here.” Juliet laughed. “Because of the man? Has he hurt you?” “No, he hasn’t, it’s just this store,” she whispered back. “I’m totally out of my element!” “Okay. Relax. The number one thing you need to remember is that you are there for fun. The experience is supposed to be fun.” She stressed the word fun twice and Autumn wondered why she couldn’t grasp such a simple concept. “Look, you like to watch people, think about that. Go out there and watch what other people are buying and then maybe it will be easier for you to look around and enjoy yourself.” It was the second time in two days she’d been accused of enjoying watching. She took in a deep breath and admitted the validity of the statement to herself. “That’s it. Breathe. You are in control. You are empowered. Did you read the books we dropped by?” “Books?” She’d forgotten they’d even brought the books. “I haven’t had time.” “Well, make time because I’m expecting you to go with us Friday night, even if you don’t participate. You can go with me and Master M if Victor doesn’t find you a date in time.” “What?” She gasped, remembering the elevator. No, no, no. She couldn’t be a part of Juliet and Master M’s evening together. A blind date would be no better. Autumn heard a shrill giggle from the other side of the door. China Doll. Great. She was flirting with Jonas while Autumn hid in the bathroom. “I gotta go.” She found Jonas and China Doll in a corner looking at floggers. It gets even better. “There you are.” Jonas smiled and held his arm out to her. She found she was more than willing to step into his warmth and let him wrap his arm around her waist. “I thought you might have bailed on me.” Autumn forced a smile and shook her head. “Work call. I just needed some privacy.”

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He nodded and went back to looking at the floggers. After a couple moments’ silence China Girl walked back to her counter. Jonas kissed the top of Autumn’s head. “She’s a little intense but after you get to know her, she’s a sweetheart. Just lonely, really.” Autumn braced herself for the girl’s sob story but Jonas said no more about her, which wasn’t really surprising, she decided after the shock. She had a feeling that any personal information that Jonas had on anyone would go to his grave with him. He was just that kind of guy and it was that thought more than any other that helped her relax. She felt the tension leave her shoulders in a whoosh. “Ah, that’s what I came here for.” She glanced up to see a wall of leather chokers, harnesses, and collars. Oh. My. She remained silent, hoping to disappear. He took down a leather choker and held it up to her neck and made a smirking face. He hung it back up and took down a wide metal chain that had two wide loops on the end. Choker chain? Really? Autumn swallowed hard but remained completely still. And silent. She took Juliet’s advice and looked around the store, picking a young couple to watch. The woman was pointing at strap-ons and the man was blushing. Autumn smiled, keeping her eyes downcast, imagining what they were talking about. Then she bit her bottom lip and blushed herself as she realized without a doubt what they where talking about. To her left, Jonas cleared his throat. “Don’t get any ideas.” Autumn snickered. “I was just thinking it might be fun to be a fly on their wall. That’s all.” He put the choker chain back on the hook and stepped back to look over the entire display. He shook his head and took her hand, pulling her down the aisle. Autumn sighed with relief, feeling like she’d just dodged a bullet. Then she laughed. “What?” “I don’t know. It’s just funny that I’m here.” He stopped and turned her shoulders to face him. “I want you to be comfortable every place I take you. I want you to feel safe. But mostly I want you to learn to be at ease with your sensuality. I want you to own it. You are beautiful and powerful, but I don’t think you see that. I think you worry too much about what others think of you.” Autumn shook her head and teased, “You got all that from a giggle?” He nodded. “Yep.” He led her to the door and China Girl called out from behind the counter, “Couldn’t find what you were looking for, hon?” “No, but I decided exactly what I need and I know just where to get it. So we’re good.” China Girl winked. “It was good seeing you, Jonas. Don’t be a stranger.” “Wow.” Autumn pulled on her helmet. “She lays it on thick.”

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“She wants me. She can’t help it,” Jonas replied. Autumn punched his shoulder and he grabbed her fist, eyes twinkling. “Now that’s the girl I want to see.” He pulled her closer and laid a tender kiss on her lips. “You know you don’t have anything to worry about. I mean, I’ve had several lovers…and a lot of playmates…but I was just killing time until I met the right woman.”

Right woman? Right. She let the comment pass. As if.

***** Her house phone was ringing when she walked in her house. The first thing she noticed after closing the door other than the insistent phone was the temperature. Not hot. Not cold. Perfect. She looked at Jonas, who was carrying in her briefcase, umbrella, and the leather saddlebags from his bike. She asked pointedly, “What did you do all day?” before saying, “Delilah!” into the phone. “Victor found you someone for the party Friday night,” Delilah told her excitedly.

Oh, great. “I do not need to be fixed up.” Autumn turned her back to Jonas as she whispered into the mouthpiece. She looked over her shoulder at Jonas. He lifted his eyebrows and moved into better hearing range beside her. She saw that he held the book Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns. That comment earned her a look from Jonas as Delilah warned, “Do not think for a moment that you are getting out of going with us because this is the most exciting adventure any of us have had in ages and you owe it to yourself to get out and shake off those cobwebs.” “You make it sound like you are going to a disco.” “Well, it’s like that…if discos had dildos and floggers.” Jonas bumped her shoulder and whispered, “Tell her you have a date for Friday night.” Autumn shook her head, whispering, “She’ll never hang up if I tell her that. She’ll want details.” “Who are you talking to? Someone’s there. I can hear you whispering. Is Kim there? Is that why you’re whispering? Well she can just get over her tantrum because --” Jonas took the phone from Autumn’s hand. “This is Jonas and you dinna have to worry about ’er havin’ a date on Friday night.” He hung up. “Wow. That’s a thick accent. What brought that on?” Autumn asked, wide-eyed. “I want you. Now.” He started to peel off her jacket, sliding it down her shoulders, but he stopped the fabric at her elbows. Autumn started to fidget to get the rest of the way out of her jacket but the jacket was tight through the shoulders, making it a tough maneuver. He stilled her with a kiss. “Leave your arms…trapped.”

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“I-I’m --” Autumn stammered, but she was silenced by his kiss and a roughly whispered, “I want to play with you, Autumn. You’re driving me insane.” “Now?” she asked, but her mind blurred her thoughts with his kisses. How am I driving you insane? I’m not doing anything…got muddled around with…play equals pain; I don’t think I’m ready for this…and all of that stalled when he said, “Trust me.” She felt his mouth on her neck and then he was licking the edge of her collarbone and lower; he was sucking on her nipple. When did he unbutton my blouse? Her bra was pushed above her breasts, trapping their heavy weight, and he was sucking each nipple in turn. She couldn’t move her arms to touch him in return and she really wanted to run her fingers through his mass of unruly, wavy hair. She settled for rubbing her cheek into his hair and then rained kisses down on his head. He backed her against the sofa and when he pushed that extra inch she was falling, landing on her ass, trapping her arms further. She gasped. “Jonas?” “Relax.” He pulled a scarf from his pants pocket and tied it as a blindfold around her eyes. “Jonas?” She hated that she sounded afraid. “It’s all right, love. I just want to play a bit, okay?” It took a moment to resolve it in her mind but she nodded and as an afterthought asked, “No pain?” “Sweetheart. Trust me.” Autumn sighed heavily but she nodded again. Jonas moved between her legs and unzipped her skirt, then helped her wriggle free. She was wearing her garter belt and stockings, a G-string on the outer layer that made it easier to go to the bathroom at work. “Is this what all the up-and-coming fashionable attorneys are wearing to work these days?” he asked, snapping her garter against her thigh. “Of course,” she answered demurely. “You can order it in matching pinstripes from Attorneys-R-Sexy.” He laughed like he thought she was joking and asked, “Is this what you were wearing on the bus that afternoon I was filming Nicole and Ty?” “Yes.” Autumn smiled naughtily and shrugged. “Since my divorce, I’ve felt a need to dress a little sexier…even if it is beneath my suits where no one is aware of the change besides me.” She didn’t tell him that Eddie had destroyed her confidence in her sensuality, or try to explain the strange phenomenon that had resulted in her feeling more powerful when she wore the garter belts and stockings. She didn’t understand it herself, so how could she even begin to explain it? He lifted his eyebrow, perhaps expected her to say more. When she didn’t, he said, “Huh. I really need a new attorney.” Then his mouth moved over her nipple and he sucked

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until it was a tight peak. Without warning he snapped a nipple clamp on, making her jerk and cry out. Her pussy and ass clenched tight. He shushed her gently and nuzzled her neck. “The pain will dull soon.” His mouth moved to hers and he played her lips with his before teasing her tongue out to dance with his. He rubbed and pinched her other nipple while he kissed her, pulling her nipple to the same stiff peak as the first. In the back of her mind she knew what was coming, but the sharp bite of pain took her by surprise all the same. She was surprised that she felt the jolt all the way through to her vagina. She moaned. “Thank you for wearing my jewelry for a while. I like the way it looks on you.” He kissed her again then pulled away. She heard the click and whirr of a Polaroid camera and she struggled to sit up. “What are you doing?” “Shh. Relax. I’m taking them for you, so that after, you can see you the way I saw you.” She heard the camera click again. “Please stop,” she begged. She heard him pull the undeveloped film from the camera and knew just when he tossed the photo onto the couch beside her. “No one will ever see them but you,” he promised. “I bet that’s what Pamela told Tommy Lee before the first sex tape showed up online, too.” “You really think Pammy did that? My money would be on Tommy. You have to admit that it was quite the visual advertisement for the man.” Autumn lifted her chin. “I wouldn’t know. I never saw it.” “Well, that’s a relief. I’d hate to be compared to him.” Jonas pushed her knees wide and the camera clicked. Autumn tried to push her knees closed but Jonas held her still. “Uh-uh, that’s one of the rules. Once I put you in a position you stay that way until I move you…and I like looking at your twat.” Despite her brain being on overdrive that she should be embarrassed or call a halt to this game, her folds grew wetter and she realized just how hot he was making her. She heard him unlatch his belt and the slide of leather as it pulled through the belt loops. Oh, that can’t be good, she thought, but her need jumped a notch. She wanted to know where this would lead and that surprised her. A second later, she knew where it was going as the end of his belt caressed the sensitive flesh of her exposed inner thigh and then thwacked as he snapped it against her skin. Autumn cried out and he smacked her inner thigh again. Her heart leaped into her throat, pounding like a frightened rabbit’s, but she didn’t scream because it didn’t hurt that badly. It was more just the surprise and when she realized that, her heart calmed considerably. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Do you want me to stop?”

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Autumn thought about it and decided she was okay. Nothing had happened that she couldn’t handle. “I’m okay.” “You have quite the reading material on your coffee table. I think you’ve been holding out on me.” Jonas swatted the other thigh twice just as he had the first and then she heard the click and whirr of the camera. “No, my friends brought those books. I haven’t even looked at them.” “Why, did you tell them you were concerned that I might want to teach you to play? Because you don’t need a book. I’ll teach you everything you need to know.” He swatted the belt over her pussy, several times in quick succession, making her jump and moan. “The party. Friday. They wanted to prepare me.” He laughed. “And they think that those books are going to prepare you for a night at Victor’s? Are they as naive as you, then?” He didn’t stop; he swatted over her mons again and again, not as hard as on her thighs, thank God, but hard enough that she jerked and cried out each time. Thwack, thwack, thwack. “I like it that you keep her shaved,” he said. “You’re going to love the way you look on film, all pink and rosy from my attention.” She wasn’t sure she believed him as the camera clicked and whirred, clicked and whirred. But then her mind was off the sting and the heat as his cool lips and tongue closed over her clit. She rocked against his mouth, needing this attention, taking the sting away. She felt her orgasm rising, fast and hard. She couldn’t quite believe it but she gratefully caught the wave and rode it, rising higher and higher. She was just falling over the edge of a powerful orgasm when Jonas reached up and released the first clamp. Autumn screamed as the flash of pain tore through her, stealing the pleasure of her orgasm. He kept licking her clit and she pushed harder into his face, pissed off that he’d done that. Then he released the other nipple clamp and she screamed again, trying to roll away from him, away from the pain. Jonas rose over her, forcing his knee between her legs, pushing into her clit while he held her shoulders and covered her mouth with his kiss. “I hate you,” she said, sobbing into his mouth. He kissed her harder, moving her, pushing her down onto the couch and then he was filling her. She wasn’t sure when he’d put on a condom but the lubricated latex was cool and slick against her flesh. He pounded into her, riding her hard. Her caught arms were pressed into the cushioned sofa. There was no struggling, there was only him pounding into her and she realized the pain was gone the same instant that she realized another orgasm was riding her body and she took it, grabbed it, held on as it swirled her higher and higher, until she felt separate from her body. She was floating in space, blind except for the swirling psychedelic colors behind her eyes. And then she was falling and as she fell, she screamed.

*****

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“Oh my God, that was amazing!” She woke up untangled from her clothes and lying in bed. Around her were scattered the pictures Jonas had taken. He wasn’t in the room and as she lay there, listening, she decided he wasn’t in the house. Four days ago she would have called herself a fool and cried and thought that he’d ditched her, but something had happened between them and she didn’t doubt that he’d be back. She decided he was giving her time…

To think? To look at the pictures? She looked at the photos and was glad he’d given her time, because she cried, and she didn’t want him to see her weakness. Every photo made her cry harder, not because she was embarrassed or reliving the pain, but because he was right. When she saw herself the way he saw her, she was beautiful. Not beautiful as in pretty, but beautiful as in devastated. Her entire life she’d hidden her pain behind her smile and because of the beauty and the smile, she’d been photographed her entire life. Total strangers would want to take pictures of her for no reason and she would always let them, although she hated it that she did. She always smiled. Her mother wanted her to be a model. She knew she had the height for it, even if she was a bit heavy. She didn’t know many models who could pull off being a double D; besides, she hadn’t wanted to model; she’d wanted to use her brain. She couldn’t explain the pain she held on to on the inside. She only knew it was there and it was valuable to her. She wouldn’t blame her father, although she knew she had issues because of him. She hadn’t seen him since she was five, yet he’d paid for her to go to Yale. She couldn’t even remember what he looked like. She didn’t have a single photo of herself. To display the photos would somehow diminish the truth of her pain…but in the pictures Jonas had taken of her…the pain became visible. She smiled and it wasn’t a fake smile as she picked up the photos and pushed them one by one under the wooden frame surrounding her mirror. She wanted to see them…every day…and looked forward to it with anticipation. Her pain captured.

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Chapter Nine She was sleeping when Jonas crawled into bed beside her. It was late, after four a.m. and she’d turned into him, still half-asleep. “I’m glad you’re here.” He hugged her close. “Are you okay?” “I’m fine. Better. Thank you.” She went back to sleep. When she woke up again, it was late morning and he was snoring softly beside her. She curled into his back, wrapping her arm around his middle. It had been a long time since she’d woken up with a man in her bed. She decided it was nice. She’d missed this…the intimacy that happens only in the early morning -- even if the intimacy he was sharing was his soft snores. Hours later when he did wake up, she was still sitting beside him, reading a magazine. “You didn’t go to work today?” She looked over her reading glasses. “I didn’t.” “Was that my fault? Are you okay?” “I’m fine.” Tender, but fine. He’d taken a belt to her clit and labia after all. She’d feel that for another day or two, but she didn’t mind that. Painful twinges that felt like he was still touching her, through the residual tenderness. He was there even though he wasn’t. She wasn’t sure she could explain that to him. She pointed to the books on the nightstand that her friends had left for her. “I read those while you were sleeping.” His eyes widened. “I never knew,” she said. “When you said that you didn’t date girls who didn’t play, I just thought it was recreational, but if what I read is true, it’s much more than that.” “Much more,” he agreed.

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Autumn bit her lip, thinking before speaking, then ducking her head shyly before she admitted, “I do like to watch, I always have. I didn’t understand that it was a fetish. I feel pretty stupid…” Jonas tipped up her chin. “You’re a Law graduate, hardly stupid. You’ve just had your eyes opened a little by a few books.” “No, by you,” she insisted. “I always thought people who were into kink were a bit perverted, but you opened my eyes that normal people can enjoy this.” She tapped the top of Screw the Roses for emphasis. He wriggled his eyebrows, “I dinna know how normal we are, love.” She climbed out of her bed and pulled some of the Polaroids free of the mirror. “I want to be this girl.” “You are that girl.” He tapped the photo of her screaming in orgasm. “That’s you.” Autumn tilted her head and looked at him through hooded eyes. “I want to ask you to do something.” She was standing before him naked, waiting for him to ask what she wanted him to do. He remained silent but reached out to touch her and ended up running his hands down her sides, over her ribs. His hands stopped, circling her waist. “And you think I can’t say no, temptress?” She smiled wickedly. “I’m hoping you won’t say no.” He lifted a brow. “Ask me.” “Take me to Victor’s Halloween party on Friday. I mean, I’ve kind of been assuming you will ask me, since you told Delilah that I had plans with you for Friday, but I wanted to ask you first.” She held out the photo. “I want to be this girl for you.” “Autumn.” He pulled her down on the bed beside him. Uh-oh, she knew that tone of voice. She steeled herself for the this has been fun but line. “I won’t deny you turn me on very much.” He leaned over her and kissed a small red welt that showed on her inner thigh. “I’m not going to deny that this mark, my mark on you, makes me crazy.” Autumn ducked her face, blushing as he kissed the welt again. “But?” “You have no idea, love, what you are asking for.” His voice was deep and stern. He shrugged. “No book can prepare you for that. For me.” Autumn shivered, but she realized it wasn’t fear. It was excitement. She knew he’d been restrained yesterday, she’d felt he had…and knowing that there could be more. She challenged, “You’re avoiding my question.” “Very deductive, counselor.” Jonas nodded and climbed out of the bed. “No. I won’t take you to Victor’s party.”

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“No?” She gasped. “Why?” “You aren’t ready for the type of party that Victor holds…and neither are your friends.” He climbed out of bed and walked into the bathroom, leaving her stunned and confused. She waited until she heard the shower running to follow him. “The discussion wasn’t over.” She faced him through the glass shower door. He was lathering a bar of soap over his chest. Looking at her, he replied, “Oh, aye, it’s over.” With challenge in her eyes, Autumn stormed out of the bathroom and dressed with haste. Without putting much thought into it she stormed from her bungalow and started walking toward the bus stop. A moment later, Jonas caught up to her, hair still dripping, shirt and jeans obviously pulled on without taking the time to dry off. Exasperated, he asked, “What are you doing?” “Taking the bus to Delilah’s.” “Why?” “I guess I have a blind date to meet.” Jonas caught her elbow and spun her around. Unsmiling, his jaw was tight. He stared at her until she stammered, “Y-you were my first choice.” “You would go to that damn party with someone else, wearing my mark ?” “I asked you first!” She reminded him and it seemed like the welt on her thigh tingled a little, reminding her it was there. His eyes narrowed. “You didn’t learn much from those books you read, did you?” “I…ah…respect? Is that what you’re talking about? Dominance and submission?” Autumn pressed her lips together, her anger evident in her face before saying softly, “You aren’t my master.” His eyes popped wider, his shock evident. “So who takes me to the party shouldn’t matter to you.” She started walking toward the bus stop. He kept pace beside her. “I don’t want you hurt, Autumn.” She ignored him and kept walking. “This isn’t fair. You’re being unreasonable.” She turned on her heel and challenged, “You didn’t even know me and you invited me to a BDSM club!” “That’s a public club. They don’t let anyone get too crazy.” Autumn thought of her friends going to the dungeon to be flogged, the naked dancers in cages…and her resolve wavered. She thought of O being branded. What in the hell was

she thinking?

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“I’ll take you, but there are going to have to be ground rules and the first rule is that you don’t leave my sight.”

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Chapter Ten The mile-long gravel driveway that led to the plantation was quiet and impressive. Ancient oak trees lined the road, their branches arching over the narrow lane. The light was fading though it was barely dusk. Autumn was arriving with Jonas a full hour before the festivities were to begin because he was shooting the entire event, stills and video. Of course she’d reacted as an attorney and insisted he acquire signed liability releases from those photographed. He thought it was overkill but she drew up the photography form anyway. She’d then spent three nervous days anticipating the party and was only slightly irritated that he’d chosen her costume. They matched, though hers was fun wear and his was the real deal. He was wearing black leather from head to toe, every bit the sexy biker. She was wearing fishnets, shiny PVC booty shorts and matching halter, a leather cap, and sexy, four-inch-heeled biker boots. So much exposed skin. She was embarrassed that the curve of her ass cheeks peeked from the edge of the shorts and she’d never shown so much cleavage. But Jonas had announced she was perfect…and she believed him. As they rode in, Jonas pointed to the spirals of fog rising from the low fields on either side of the drive and it made Autumn think that it was going to be a perfect evening for a Halloween party. She was already so nervous and excited, the potential for eerie drifting fog to intensify the mood made her shiver. She thought it must be her nerves, making the driveway seem never-ending, but just as she thought it, the bike was coasting to a stop and the grand plantation house was rising above them. They parked in the grassy yard to the left of the house that was marked off with small flags to designate parking. The house was set in the middle of a wide lawn though there were several tall, graceful trees flanking it and a cornfield behind. And then there was the barn… Autumn tried in vain not to look at the massive, graying structure that was going to host most of the night’s entertainment. Jonas had warned her that once the festivities began,

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it would be a screaming, writhing free-for-all of sensual decadence. She’d promised to stay close to him. He was there to capture the event on film, she was there to assist him, and they would both get to watch. She shivered in anticipation. She wondered if it would be different watching when everyone knew you were indeed watching and not doing so sneakily. Delilah and Kim parked just as they were dismounting. She was surprised to see that they wore matching plaid miniskirts, white kneesocks, and black, high-heeled Mary Janes. Kim wore her long blonde hair in two ponytails and Delilah had scrunched and gelled her hair into spikes. “Well, aren’t we all just so original?” Autumn asked, rolling her eyes, thinking that if men hadn’t had a hand in their choices, they would have all come as sexy witches. “I hope you feel as ridiculous as I do.” Jonas laughed and muttered under his breath, “The costumes won’t be on long enough to matter, ladies.” Autumn gasped and, grabbing a camera case, announced, “I’m his assistant. I’m just here to work.” She caught Jonas’s smirk and soft chuckle. She knew it was because she’d made such a fuss to attend. What had she been thinking? Thank God, she hadn’t come with a blind date. She sighed with relief that things had worked out the way they had. It was one thing to play naughty games with Jonas and quite another to consider doing anything of the sort with a stranger. As they walked up to the front porch, Jonas paused to capture the moment. Dusk was deepening, the sun setting behind the low hill behind the two-story, two-hundred-year-old house, making the four large pillars that supported the covered porch roof seem foreboding. “I never get used to seeing these old places in all their glory.” “Spooky,” Autumn commented and looked over her shoulder to find Kim and Delilah trailing behind. They seemed as enchanted by the house as Jonas. “Just wait,” Jonas promised. “The ambience is only part of what makes tonight special.” She shivered, catching a glimpse of a white body hovering just inside the front door. It could have been a spectral image but as they moved closer she saw that it was a very naked woman, her body painted to resemble a very dead woman. Her lips were painted lavender and painted to appear sewn closed. At least that was what she first thought, but as she drew closer she saw that the dark lines meant to resemble thread were actually thick suture threads. “Oh!” She passed the wraith by…quickly…thinking as she passed by, what a great illusion. She shivered and reminded herself that there were no real monsters in the manse. It’s just a party. Four more women identical to the first were standing just inside the foyer and Autumn stared at their mouths. They really are sewn shut. She wanted to reach out and touch their

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lips but they pointed the guests through the house to a dark parlor lined with red velvet couches and she didn’t stop walking. She held on to Jonas tightly. A spread of delicacies was laid out on a dark wood server and on either side of the server were nude men, each chained with wide iron shackles circling their ankles and wrists. Dark hoods covered their faces, leaving only their eyes and mouths visible. “May I serve you?” one of them inquired, and Autumn was glad when Jonas said, “No thank you, not just yet.” More guests were arriving behind them and Autumn turned to see a nurse, several French maids, and a Frankenstein’s monster. It seemed like a normal Halloween party…at second glance. One of the nude wraiths with a sewn-closed mouth passed by, brushing up against her hand by accident. She made a sound deep in her throat that seemed to mean, “Sorry.” Autumn watched her disappear into what she guessed was the kitchen and realized they had left normal back in the car. “Should we find the host?” Delilah asked with a nervous hitch to her voice. “Victor must be somewhere.” “He’ll be in the barn,” Jonas assured her. “I just wanted Autumn to experience the house first.” As one of the wraiths crossed near, Delilah moved closer to Kim, and in a move that took Autumn by surprise, took Kim’s hand. “He’s expecting us to join him. We’re his dates tonight.”

We’re ? Autumn looked at them, huddled close to each other, remembering her thought the other day when she’d seen them together. They’d make a cute couple. Oh God, she hoped the night didn’t take them there. It took her a moment to wrap her mind around what they’d said. They were sharing him? She decided she really needed to meet this Victor. “Then we should go to the barn.” Jonas took Autumn’s elbow and led her through the kitchen and out the back door. They were immediately besieged by recorded squeals, screams, and moans from a wide swath of cornfield behind the house. Spooky music accompanied the voice-over. Autumn decided it was cheesy but effective. A small wooden sign on a post was painted with an arrow toward the entrance of the maze. Beneath the arrow were the words IF YOU DARE. “The sex maze?” Kim guessed. “Oh!” Delilah gasped. “Now that I am looking forward to.” She lowered her voice, asking, “Okay, is anyone else freaked out by the girls with their mouths sewn shut? I’m just saying…weird!” Jonas laughed and led them to the barn. Autumn kept thinking about what he’d said. That she wasn’t ready for one of Victor’s parties and neither were her friends…

*****

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Victor was a short, unassuming man. Autumn covered her surprise as well as she could when Kim and Delilah led her quickly through the barn to meet him. They were bouncing and giggling like young, excited teenagers just before a rock concert and she honestly did not understand the attraction. Then he met her eyes and said, “Hello,” holding out his hand in greeting. Of course, she shook his hand. Why wouldn’t she? Once their hands met, she decided immediately she shouldn’t have. They shook hands and it was for an inappropriately long time. His gaze locked on hers…and she found herself fascinated, mesmerized. She had to remind herself that he was just a man. And not even an overly handsome man. But she was hooked, just as quickly and easily as her friends had been. Somehow, she fought free of the thick charisma surrounding the man and managed to step back and get hold of herself. In the few seconds they’d been touching, she’d felt bespelled; felt as if she would do anything that Victor asked of her. What trick was that? Was it her overactive imagination and the Halloween backdrop that had made her feel he had some supernatural power over her? She stepped into Jonas’s shadow, glad suddenly that he was so close, and vowed to herself that she would not leave his side, not for a moment; not because she feared the man -- although rightfully she felt she should be terrified of him -- but because she feared herself more…and the scene she’d played out with Jonas had filled her with a new need, one she’d never recognized before. But she imagined the man Victor would understand. Victor laughed suddenly and her eyes flew back to meet his gaze. The look he gave her sent shivers down her spine. He had read her mind. She felt the truth in the thought. Was that his uncanny power over people? That he knew their thoughts, their needs, their desires? “So many new beauties to play with tonight. I am such a lucky man,” Victor said. “Not this one,” Jonas corrected, pulling Autumn into his side. He wrapped his arm around her waist and smiled wickedly. “Ah,” Victor said, lifting his fingers to touch Autumn’s jaw, speaking with a heavy sigh that held a hint of forlornness. “Already taken. Such a pity; we could do such marvelously wicked things together.” He turned his gaze to meet Jonas’s. “If you should tire of her companionship, you know my number.” Her breath stilled and she was certain her heart stopped beating. They were discussing her as a possession, like she could be bought and sold or traded. She was not goods to be bartered. She bristled and she felt a quick, hard squeeze against her side. Jonas was looking at her, as was Victor. “Should we start setting cameras up?” she asked. Jonas nodded and grabbed the large bag of equipment. “We will leave you to your beautiful women.”

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Autumn cast a concerned look at her friends as she trailed behind Jonas. Did they realize how ridiculous they were acting? They were fawning over the man like…besotted schoolgirls. The costumes suddenly made sense. Role-playing. She could only imagine…and then she did. “Stop it!” “What?” Jonas exclaimed. “Not you, my head! I just keep having these images pop into my head. Wildly inappropriate images…” “Don’t worry, the night is young. Anything you’ve managed to conjure won’t even come close to what you will get to watch tonight.” She started to comment but a crowd had arrived, seven or eight couples all at once going through the wide open door. For a second she was separated from Jonas with him on the other side of the flow. A quick look up the lawn revealed even more couples coming down the slightly graded lawn. Jonas smiled at her and started taking shots of the arriving guests. When there was a break in couples he raced to her side. She asked the question that had been lingering on her mind. “Is he a witch?” “I don’t know what his particular religious affiliation is, but the man has some eerie power, aye.” Jonas laughed. “I thought I’d lost ye there for a minute.” “Not a chance,” Autumn promised, then chuckled. “Why would you think that?” “People flock to him. It is very much like he’s magical in some way, but when I look at him?” He shrugged with emphasis. “Meh. But you, on the other hand…” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed the top. “You were flushed and I’d bet that if I touched ye, you’d prove to be aching and wet.” Autumn blushed and ducked her head. She hated to admit that what he was saying was true, but how could she deny it? He snapped a picture of her. “There you go, going all dreamy eyed on me again.” She laughed nervously and he pulled her around the side of the barn. “Come on, we have a date.” They walked all the way around the barn to the back side. “A date?” “I’m taking some shots tonight for an adult magazine spread that will be called Southern Style BDSM.” “Nice.” Jonas wrapped his arm around her waist as they crossed a recently mowed field. The scent of fresh-cut hay filled the air, seeming thick and clean on the cool night air. The fog rolled in low here, drifting in white threads around their ankles. Ahead, blinding lights illuminated a corralled area that was circled by spectators. She and Jonas joined them.

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As she watched what could only be called a BDSM rodeo, she revised her impression that there was anything nice about getting called to photograph this. Insane, perhaps. Nude submissives were sent into a corral; Dominants on horseback entered one at a time with their lariats at the ready. A timekeeper scored the riders as they roped and hog-tied. She closed her eyes, praying every time that no submissive would get trampled by a spooked horse, but each time the rider would gamely circle the “calf” before dismounting to cast his lasso, rein in his catch, and tussle them to the ground where they were tied securely. At that point all she could do at was watch and laugh because she was more than relieved that no one suggested she play.

***** After the many forced promises that she would stay by his side all evening, Jonas abandoned her to seek out a restroom. She hadn’t minded staying in the barn. She doubted anyone would notice her anyway because all eyes were currently turned toward a scene that was just beginning. She stood against the barn wall, stealing what little shadows to hide in she could. The scene was played out by none other than the young socialite she’d seen at the masked fundraiser with Judge Henry Moore. The man she was now playing with was wearing a leather mask that hid his entire face, even his eyes, but she would bet money he was the judge. He was standing, hands over his head, leather cuffs attached to a chain and pulley, stretching him as tall as he could go on his tiptoes. His ankles too had leather cuffs around them and a spreader bar kept his feet apart. The woman projected to her audience as she asked the bound man, “You want me to torture your cock?” Standing, she took a thin wooden rod and struck his semihard cock. He moaned; she laughed. Autumn dipped her chin, embarrassed. She didn’t know how to feel about what she was seeing. It seemed cruel, but she wasn’t -“You!” Autumn turned toward the voice, eyes widening when she recognized the man from the elevator. Master M. He was stalking toward her and she knew without a doubt that there would be retribution for her elevator brazenness. She looked around quickly, hoping to spot Jonas but with no luck. Even Juliet would even be a welcome sight. Hadn’t she said that she was going to be his date? Where was she? Oh hell. “Me?” She was already backed against a wall because she’d been half-hidden, watching the scene as discreetly as she could, though she needn’t have bothered hiding. Watching seemed to be an approved activity in the barn. “I think you need a lesson in manners.”

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She swallowed around the sandy dryness forming in her throat. She licked her lips and tried to think of something to say; hoping that Jonas would hurry up because she feared whatever Master M might have in store for her. He stopped directly in front of her. He wrapped his hands around her face before she could react and kissed her, taking what he wanted from her mouth. She felt her knees going weak, her pussy tightening. She had to stop reacting to this man this way. When he released her she managed to say, “I think you must be looking for someone else.” His eyes narrowed. “I never forget a woman’s taste. I know you.” “Oh,” she peeped. “Really?” Jonas said behind them. Master M turned around, breaking into a wide grin. “Jonas!” He quickly reached out a hand and pulled Jonas into a hug. Jonas returned the smile. “Michael. It’s been too long, man.”

Michael ? Jonas knew this man? “I was just lining up my next round of entertainment. Want to join me?”

Entertainment ? Autumn’s jaw dropped. Jonas held out his hand to her and she quickly walked around Master M to grab his hand. Master M looked between the two of them and wriggled his eyebrows. “Ah, I see how it is. Feel like a little ménage action in the hayloft?” “Mm, tempting, but we were just heading inside.” He winked. “There are a couple frisky farmer’s daughters who want to be filmed being very naughty in an upstairs bedroom. Maybe later?” “I’ll be looking forward to it.” Jonas pulled her out of the barn and into the dark. “You know Michael?” “Barely,” Autumn admitted, her heart still trying to pound out of her sternum. “Not really at all,” she hedged. Then she divulged, “I might have kissed him.” He chuckled. “Really? I may have to hear Michael’s version to get the truth of it, aye?” “No! It was nothing. Just once, a stolen kiss, like when you stole a kiss from me at the masked ball,” she explained hurriedly. “We were in an elevator. That was the only time I ever saw him.” She wasn’t sure why she was explaining except that his look was growing red and she’d tried to make it better, not worse. “It was before you and I had even gone out on a date.” Jonas pushed her against the side of the rough barn, delayed surprise lifting his voice an octave. “Did you say elevator?” “Yes?” she squeaked. “You’re the girl! Oh my God, I don’t believe it. You?” Jonas laughed, then cursed. “He’s been looking high and low for you. He even sent out an e-mail description, seeking his mystery woman.” Jonas paced away, then paced back. “Of course when I read it, I laughed

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about it. I meant to tell you about it because it was so funny that his description matched you perfectly. I just never thought for a moment that it was you --” “Nothing happened. Just a kiss. I stole a kiss. Sort of like you, stealing a kiss from me as the masked musician,” she rambled quickly. “Please don’t be mad.” “Oh, I’m not mad. I think it’s quite funny.” Jonas pulled his hand through his hair. “A ménage in the hayloft? I hadn’t considered that for tonight, but --” Autumn croaked, “You wouldn’t.” “It would be fun.” “I couldn’t.” “You could.” Autumn pulled away from the barn wall and ducked under his arm to walk away, not daring to admit just horny she was. She could still hear the bound man’s cries and the slice of the wooden rod through the air just before impact. And then Master M. Dear God, how could she admit to the man she had just started dating… Was that the right word? Were they dating? Was it more than dating? Shit. How could she admit to Jonas that her heart had been pounding like crazy and her pussy throbbing to match her crazed pulse, just because of the man’s kiss? She wanted Master M to give her a lesson in manners. Hours of watching sensual spanking and flogging had led to this. Hours. Could she really be expected to watch and not follow through with some action of her own? She didn’t know because she’d never been in this situation before. “That really makes you nervous, doesn’t it? Tell me why.” “Because I’d want to!” she admitted, then started weeping. “I shouldn’t want to do that! I’m a good girl. I can count the number of sexual partners I’ve had on one hand. I’m not like Juliet or Kim or Delilah. I watch. I don’t do.” “Maybe it’s time you try doing.” He pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. “I’ll be there. I’ll be right there with you. I could watch or I could participate, as much or as little as you want to do. But if there was anyone here who I thought would be a good match for you, it would be Michael.” In the dark she bit her lip. “Aren’t you supposed to be angry or jealous right now?” “Autumn, who do you think I am? Because I’m not that guy.” “I need to find Juliet.” “What?” Jonas asked, obviously confused. “He was supposed to be Juliet’s date tonight and she is that girl. She doesn’t share well.” Autumn frowned midstory, amending, “If she is a Juliet sandwich with two men, she loves that, but add another woman to her party and she wouldn’t go for that at all. I won’t even consider playing with Master M if I think it will hurt my friendship with Juliet.” “Love, I can’t believe Michael ever had a date with Juliet. Perhaps you misunderstood.”

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“She said she was coming to Victor’s party with Master M.” She added defensively, “She wouldn’t lie.” “Okay, if it will make you feel better, I’ll ask Michael about it or you can ask yourself. But right now, the girls are waiting for a photographer.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the house. “We’ll talk about this more later.” Inside one of the many upstairs bedrooms, Jonas found the two young ladies in question. Autumn’s eyes widened, thinking at first they might be minors, but on second glance realized that they were merely petite and very thin. It didn’t help that they had come to the costume party dressed as farmer’s daughters, one with a red-checked, sleeveless blouse tied beneath her ample breasts and cutoff, very short shorts, and the other wearing a cute floral dress that rode high on her thighs with dark brown cowgirl boots. She was more modestly endowed than the first girl. Jonas introduced them as Sherry and Midge. She wasn’t sure how she felt about being in the room, knowing they were going to have sex and that Jonas was going to film it. He took away the question of whether she would stay or go by giving her a job…as lamp holder. The two girls got started quickly. Midge sat down on a short stool and Sherry pulled out a length of rope and started tying up Midge. When she pulled the length of rope between Midge’s legs, Jonas was on his hands and knees capturing the shot of how the rough brown rope looked pulled tight against the girl’s pristine white panties. Sherry tightened down the rope. She pulled down the front of her dress to expose the girl’s breasts and quickly tied them in an exotic twist of knots. Autumn’s breath caught in her throat when Sherry started pinching clothespins around Midge’s areolas. It made Midge squirm in the rope. She could tell by the look on Jonas’s face that the film was going to be good. Sherry squatted in front of Midge, pushing her panties out of the way so that she could attach a row of clothespins along her labia on both sides of the rope. Midge was protesting anxiously. Sherry stood up and slapped her face hard. The girl’s beautiful face contorted into one of pain and frustration. Sherry shouted at her, “Do you want me to gag you too?” Autumn almost dropped the lamp and ended up sitting it on a tall dresser so that she could escape into the hall where she collapsed against the wall, covering her mouth. She felt like she was hyperventilating and couldn’t understand what was so different. Hadn’t she just seen a dozen scenes played out throughout the barn? She closed her eyes, sobbing. She knew what was wrong. She wanted to be Midge, tied and crying. Her heart was thudding through her sternum, she wanted it so badly. Burying her face in her hands, she knew she had to get control of herself. She couldn’t go on the rest of the night like this… She knew that somehow, seeing Master M and having permission from Jonas to play with both of them tonight was the culprit. She hadn’t come here to play. She’d only come to watch. Watching is what I do.

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She opened her eyes and wasn’t surprised that Jonas hadn’t followed her out. She was acting like a lunatic. Was she in over her head? She looked down the staircase and saw a flutter of plaid skirts. She took the stairs two at a time to catch up with Kim and Delilah. “Hey!” They smiled, if perhaps a little too dreamily. Were they drunk? “I haven’t seen you guys all night.” Kim blushed and Autumn’s mouth dropped at the reaction. “What’s going on?” Delilah looked at Kim and giggled. “We’re staying with Victor for the rest of the weekend. We just can’t get enough of each other.” She switched the subject quickly, saying, “I’m absolutely starved,” and darted for the buffet. Two men in heavy chains doled out three quick plates of hors d’oeuvres. “Okay, catch me up.” Autumn bit into a cracker covered in cream cheese and topped with a hot-sweet dollop of jelly. “Oh God, good.” Kim held up a tempura-coated shrimp. “I could live on these things.” “Stalling,” Autumn accused. “All three of you?” “Yes.” Kim gasped, biting the meat off the tail. “Isn’t it crazy? We’re sharing a man and it is the most amazing experience ever. Juliet was totally right, until you try a threesome you just can’t imagine.” “The energy dynamic just makes everything so dreamy,” Delilah added. She lifted her hand and one of the wraiths with sewn-closed lips hurried over to assist her.

Sharing? Dreamy ? Autumn wondered where the mothership was so that she could go rescue her friends from the aliens. Delilah requested a Coke and then asked, “Anything?” Kim nodded, mouth full. Autumn shook her head, trying to not look at the girl’s mouth. Why would anyone allow someone to do that to them? She didn’t understand it. Liar. She shivered, remembering how she had felt when Victor shook her hand and looked into her eyes. She remembered she had thought at the time that she would do anything he asked. Her body went rigid, heart fluttering, pussy clenching.

Not that! Liar. She cleared her throat before asking, “Have you guys seen Juliet?” “Oh!” Kim said. “That’s right, you didn’t know because we forgot to tell you. She didn’t come.” “She didn’t? Why?” Autumn asked. Kim leaned forward and whispered, “Master M told her that he is polyamorous and Juliet freaked out.”

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“Poly?” Autumn whispered back, surprised that they were whispering when the room was pulsing with a backdrop of the spooky Halloween tape that seemed to be piped everywhere. “As in he wants to have sex with a lot of different women but he doesn’t want her to see anyone else?” “Not even that.” Kim shrugged. “I don’t think he cared if she saw others. She just absolutely freaked that he would want anyone other than her.” “Now that’s an ego,” Delilah added. “Since Juliet was just raving about Jorge and Eric last weekend.” Autumn couldn’t help but share the laugh. “So what is she doing tonight?” Kim and Delilah both shrugged. “Maybe you’ll find out on the conference call in the morning.” “Me?” Autumn asked. “What about you two?” Kim looked conspiratorially at Delilah and waved a gherkin wrapped in salami and cream cheese through the air before taking a bite. “I think we’re going to be kind of busy.” A wave of anxiety washed over Autumn. She felt like she’d been kicked in the guts. No, it was upstairs all over again, heart pounding, breath caught. She felt like she had to get out of the room. She thought she could literally jump out of her skin. “I might just be busy too!” She threw the remaining food into the trash can and stormed out onto the wide front veranda. She half-expected Delilah and Kim to follow her but they didn’t. Dejected and confused, she sat down on one of the front steps and pouted. The heavy fog had finally arrived and a swirling white cloud seemed to circle the house. She could no longer see the cars parked in the grass, or the large oak trees that had been so commanding earlier. She closed her eyes and the fog amplified every sound. Behind her the screen door screeched open and closed, then hurried footsteps went down the steps but she didn’t even bother to open her eyes. She could hear the music and voices. She could hear the soft ripple of moans and thuddy slaps coming from the direction of the barn. She could hear the collective laughter. She even heard the collective silence when everyone held their breath.

They assumed I’d have nothing to confess. “As if they’d be wrong.” All I’ve done all night is watch. That thought opened her eyes. She was done watching. She wanted to be one of the ones doing. A half hour later, Jonas found her still sitting on the front step. “You okay?” he asked, sitting down on the wide concrete step beside her. Her eyes were closed and her head was tilted back. She looked at him through slit eyes when he carefully set his camera between his feet, but then closed them again. “I’m fine,” Autumn answered. “Listen.”

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Jonas closed his eyes and listened too. The spooky Halloween music drifting out from inside the house was an eerie backdrop to the night sounds…crickets and bats…and the sound of swats landing on flesh followed by moans. A scream or gagged moan would sometimes rise above the others. From behind the house, there was a barked male laugh and a shrill scream of capture. Obviously the sex maze had visitors. Jonas said, “Wow. That’s amazing. I’ve been coming here for years and never noticed.” He sat a little straighter and turned her shoulders to face him. She opened her eyes to look into his. “Do you want me to take you home?” Autumn shook her head and smiled slightly. “No.” She leaned forward and kissed his lips softly. “I am having the best Friday night I have ever had in my life. Thank you for bringing me.” “But you left.” She snorted, smiling wide. “To keep from jumping into the melee. I’ve never felt so drawn to do something. I can’t explain it. I don’t know what came over me. I just wanted to join in so badly, I had to get out of that room before I did something I’d regret.” Jonas shrugged. “Why would you regret it?” Autumn’s mouth opened and closed, twice. She shrugged and finally admitted, “I don’t know what the repercussions would have been exactly, but there are always repercussions when people do something out of the norm.” “Sure there are. Every action causes a reaction, that’s true, but the reaction isn’t always bad.” Autumn leaned her head against his shoulder. “I feel like my mind has been turned inside out. The last few days…” “I tried to warn you that you and your friends were going to have a hard time.” “No.” She didn’t know how to explain that she wanted him to play with her. It wasn’t just coming to Victor’s and seeing kink in a different light. It was watching him on the bus and kissing Michael in the elevator. Something was changing inside of her. “I’m trying to say that…I’m glad I met you.” “So, do you think you trust me enough to expand on what we’ve already done together? More than just the little slap and tickle play that we did in your bedroom?” Autumn bit her lip but didn’t answer because her heart was pounding frantically. Jonas didn’t seem to care that she hadn’t said yes or no because he continued. “I’d like to film you with Michael and I know that is going to press your boundaries, but I think it will be worth it. I think it will really open your eyes to possibilities.” “Master M?” Autumn stood up, wringing her hands. Do something tonight! This is your chance. “I don’t even know him. What would he do? Why do you want to film us?”

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Jonas stood, laughing. “That’s why. You react so strongly to him. There’s some weird, freaky chemistry between the two of you and I want to capture it on film.” Autumn stared out into the white fog. She was shaking, but not with fear, with excitement. The elevator scene came back to life, replaying vividly in her mind. She’d done it because it seemed so naughty…but she also had to admit that if the man in the elevator had been anything less than cute…she wouldn’t have. Yes, shallow. Master M wasn’t merely cute; he was the sexiest man she’d ever seen. She also had to admit that she’d overcome any qualms the minute she’d realized he was Master M and she didn’t really want to delve too deeply into the psychological ramifications of that. But just knowing who he was by reputation…she’d wanted to do something really naughty and he’d seemed the perfect candidate. She grew hotter just imagining what a real scene would feel like with him because the way she’d felt just kissing him in the elevator… Wow. The only dread was the relationship wild card. Would doing this hurt her relationship with Juliet? They’d been friends for so long, she couldn’t imagine her life without that friendship. And Jonas? Their relationship was so new and even though he was the one suggesting it, would he really be okay with it, or would he freak and run? Hell, would she freak and run? No, she decided, she wouldn’t run. She’d waited her whole life for this moment and she wasn’t going to question now when everything seemed to be falling into place so serendipitously. She turned her gaze to Jonas. “Yes. I want to do a scene with Michael and I want you to film it.” “I wish I’d have been on that elevator.” Jonas sighed. “I think I really missed something amazing.” “I wouldn’t have done it if you had been there!” Jonas bent over and picked up his camera. “What a wasted moment that would have been, aye? You certainly made Michael’s night. Perhaps yours as well.” She wanted to deny it; after all, she’d gone on to the jazz club and then the Chinese restaurant. What a blow to the ego to tell the man standing in front of her that yes, kissing Master M was the most outrageously intense moment she’d had that night. Hell, this lifetime, practically. And it only trumped the bus incident by a smidgen because she’d actually done something. She was only half paying attention as he talked but then he said something… “I want you to be able to do the unexpected around me. I want you to do the first thing that comes into your mind and if I capture it on film…great…if I don’t -- it’s still a shared memory between the two of us.” He hoisted his camera strap over his shoulder before he pulled her closer. “I saw something in your eyes on that bus. We shared that moment and I saw how great we could be together, sharing lots of future moments. I’ve never felt that way before.” He kissed her forehead and hugged her. She realized then that he was telling her

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that he wanted to have a relationship with her. Really? Hadn’t they just decided that she would play with Michael? It dawned on her that she could have both with this man. She liked him, enjoyed his company, felt like she could tell him anything, felt safe with him -- and she could enjoy the attention of someone else and he wouldn’t be jealous. But could she relax her own inhibitions to be all right with the suggestion? She tried to wrap her mind around that because the obvious progression was that at some point he might want her to share him. She thought about how she’d felt when he’d introduced her to China Girl. Could her ego stand knowing he wanted her? Or anyone else?

Oh God. The pain of finding Eddie with another woman in their bed was too fresh. Her id poked her, reminding her that wasn’t even in the same class of scenarios. With Eddie, she’d believed they were monogamous. With Jonas, she would be going into a relationship knowing that there would be others. Not just might be, but would be. Was she okay with that? She answered her id without doubt, “Yes,” astonished at how much her ideas had changed in just a few days. She thought he must have felt that she hadn’t really been listening, because even though she looked up into his face he asked, “Tell me what you are thinking.” “How I want to be a part of this” -- she spread her arms wide -- “with you.”

***** Wearing a wide grin, he led her off on a search for Michael, but they were sidetracked by Victor and the corn maze. He was standing at the entrance, naked as the day he was born, poised to enter the path and counting loudly, “…eighteen, nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!” He glanced at just the right moment to see Jonas and waved him over. “You’re just the man I’ve been looking for.” Jonas hurried over and, a bit reluctantly, Autumn followed. “I want you to capture this on film! That thing works in the dark, right?” Jonas flipped a switch and a small spotlight mounted on top of the camera came on, glowing brightly. “You know me, ready for anything.” Victor patted him on the shoulder. “That’s a good man. I just sent my two new beauties in there and it’s a naughty game of hide-and-seek I have planned for them.” “Marvelous!” Jonas smiled wide and winked at Autumn. “Coming?” She bit her lip, imagining that his two new beauties referred to Kim and Delilah. She wasn’t sure she was ready to see whatever naughty games he had planned acted out with her best friends. “Of course she’s coming. The more the merrier. I’ll even give you a head start!”

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Autumn found herself shoved down the dark path and then Victor started counting. Holy crap ! She bounced off tall stalks of corn, finding the maze to be a twisted labyrinth of stops and starts. She’d have to backtrack to find a longer stretch of trail. She heard giggles to the right. “Kim?” “Yes, be quiet or he’ll find us!” “I thought you’d want to be found,” she said, confused, realizing her friend was right beside her tucked between the tall stalks. “Oh, I do! But not just yet.” She winked. “There are at least five men seeking in this maze and a dozen hiding women. Watching the capture and pillage is half the fun! Look through there.” She pulled Autumn into her hiding space and pointed. Autumn gasped, seeing a woman on all fours, taking a man’s cock in her mouth and another man’s cock in her vagina. “Oh!” “You’re still dressed! Are you telling me this is your first time through?” Kim demanded but then, eyes going dreamy, she said, “Oh, I remember my first trip through the maze tonight. I was so scared but then…the capture, my clothes ripped off. It was so dark, not like now, the sky is starting to lighten now and you can see faces up close. Before, it was pitch black. I have no idea who took my maze virginity! I wish I did…God, it was amazing!” Autumn closed her gaping mouth and tried to not look at her friend’s breasts, but they were right there and hard not to notice. “Got you!” Kim squealed and was pulled from her hiding place. Autumn held her breath and didn’t move. Please don’t betray me! Dear God, Kim, keep your mouth shut! Then she noticed that Kim wasn’t going to be saying anything because her captor had shoved a big red ball gag in her mouth and was tightening the straps around her head. She couldn’t tell if it was Victor or not. The camera’s blazing light wasn’t anywhere to be seen so she had to believe it wasn’t Victor. She stayed as still as she possibly could. She didn’t dare risk anyone finding her other than Jonas. And she definitely didn’t want her clothes ripped off! That would seem like…rape. She heard a rush of feet and panicked, then she saw the bright lamp over the camera and sighed with relief. She didn’t leave her cubbyhole but at least she knew Jonas was near. Victor was panting with exhaustion as he closed in on Kim and the man who had gagged her. The stranger was just putting her hands into cuffs behind her back and Autumn could see that he wore both a collar and a cock cage. Victor patted his back. “Good man, Lars. Carry her to the dungeon and I’ll be right behind you with the other one.” He turned back around and called down the path in a singsong voice, “I’m coming for you. I can smell your perfume.”

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Jonas turned so that his camera lighting lit the trail. He bent his head toward the wall of corn. “I can hear you breathing, love. Best to come out now, so that I can protect you, aye?” Autumn reached out a hand and steadied herself on his arm. She was shaking. “You could hear me breathing?” “Loud as a freight train. Come on.” A moment later, Victor had Delilah cornered. Autumn saw that she was still wearing her skirt though everything above and below was missing. She was shrieking with glee and bouncing up and down. “You’re supposed to act terrified,” Victor chastised. “I’ll act terrified when you really scare me.” He pulled her hair and forced her to her knees. “All naughty girls get caught and punished.” She bit her lip and tried not to smile but barely stifled her giggle. Victor pushed his cock toward her mouth. “Shame I’m all out of ball gags.” Autumn turned away, then she peeked. She was a horrible person, she decided. She should not want to see her friend giving a blowjob. She really wanted to watch. How would she ever face Delilah again? But then she could have just as easily said that after listening to Delilah’s first X-rated tell-all and their friendship had survived that. Was this really any different? Another man arrived on the scene. He wore the same wide collar and distinct cock cage as the man who had carried Kim away. Without being asked, he knelt behind Delilah and fastened her hands behind her back. He then secured her ankles in a similar fashion. Victor jerked twice, pulling out so that his cum sprayed over Delilah’s breasts. She looked up at him with glowing, content eyes. “Take her to the dungeon,” Victor ordered, and his will was immediately carried out as the man bent and hauled her up into his arms. Not that she put up a struggle. “Looks like you have a maze virgin to deflower.” Jonas smiled and looked over his shoulder at her. “That I do, Victor. That I do.” “Wonderful. No more filming tonight. Have some fun.” He lifted his brow, adding, “If you need any assistance, I could dally a bit.” Jonas laughed. “I think I can handle it.” “Ah well, can’t blame a horny old man for trying.” Autumn couldn’t help but notice that he was still hard as a rock, even after his recent activity with Delilah. It seemed to be a common attribute among the men at the party and she wondered if they had a Viagra dispenser in the men’s room. She didn’t comment but she did bite into Jonas’s leather-covered shoulder as she watched Victor jog down the path.

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“Ouch! What was that for?” “Just practicing my defensive moves for when you try to rape me.” Jonas grinned evilly. “Now do I look like the kind of bloke who would do something like that?” “Ahh, yeah,” she answered, and laughed. Jonas pulled her tight against him, digging into the flesh covering her ribs. It hurt and she gasped that it did. She couldn’t escape the pain because the more she wriggled, the more it hurt, like a knife plunging between her ribs. He whispered harshly against her cheek, “I’d love to send you deep into this maze and hunt you down. Doesn’t that scare you?” She wasn’t laughing anymore. His rough embrace and the pain were a bit frightening, but she was also growing hot with need. She wanted to see how what he was describing would feel. “Do you want me to be afraid?” she teased lightly, trying to ignore the pain. He pushed harder into her rib cage, making her scream, because she couldn’t pull free. All she could do was stand, feeling helpless and alarmed. He was playing, right? “Fear is an amazing aphrodisiac.” Autumn shivered and he released her. “There’s a lot of fun had here, but I don’t want you to think it is all fun and games.” He lowered his voice and his tone was completely serious. “Now that your friends are in Victor’s dungeon, they won’t come out the same women they were when they went in. Maybe for better, maybe for worse. Who’s to say the answer to that?” “Will he hurt them?” Autumn gasped, fighting to think through the pain ripping into her side. “Remember the first thing I ever told you?” “You wouldn’t damage me, but you’d cause me pain.” “That’s the gist of it. He’ll do the same to them now that the party is breaking loose.” Jonas rubbed his shadowed cheek against her jaw. “He has time to give them his undivided attention now.” Autumn swallowed, liking his roughness against her face, hating the pain in her side that was screaming through her ribs and down her spine to make her pussy throb with a want and need that she didn’t understand. You can give me your undivided attention now, she thought, and wondered if she was ready for that. He released her as quickly as he grabbed her, promising, “If I ever send you through this maze, it won’t feel like a game.” Rape. She shivered, knowing what he promised was to make her feel like prey. And she could imagine him all too easily as a predator. “But it would still be a game,” she insisted nervously.

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“It won’t feel like one.” He turned and walked down the trail cut between the rows of corn. She followed. “What are you doing now?” “I’m going to find Michael.” “I thought…” She tried to think and couldn’t. With the mention of Michael’s name, she had gone completely addle-brained. “You said…” He stopped and turned toward her. “Yes?” Ripples of tension rolled off him. Their gazes locked. “You want to send me into the maze, don’t you?” “Yes,” he hissed, and his muscles vibrated with held-in tension. “You don’t think I’m ready to meet you in the maze.” He chuckled softly. “I know you aren’t ready to meet me in the maze.” “But you think I’m ready to play with Master M?” Jonas rolled his head back like his shoulder and neck muscles were screaming. He looked at her. “You will enjoy Michael.” “I enjoy you. I want you,” she insisted. “Tell me to go into the maze and I will.” “Stop,” he said, holding up his hand. “Stop thinking with your vanilla brain. This isn’t either/or. You get to play with Michael because it is going to be fun, you are going to love the experience, we are going to love the experience, and then…you still get to go home with me.” Autumn rubbed her face, hiding her eyes for a moment behind her hands. “I don’t know how to not use my vanilla brain. I only know what I know.” “That’s okay. Just --” She interrupted him by putting her fingertips against his lips. “I trust you.”

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Chapter Eleven Dawn was barely breaking and fog still lay thick over the fields, but the eeriness fled with the night. Standing on the porch of the plantation, she thought the view hadn’t changed much in over two hundred years and imagined what it would have been like, walking over the plantation lands wearing petticoats and corset, a long gown, and sensible shoes. Looking down at her own fishnets and heels, her PVC booty shorts and halter, she decided she must be a ridiculous sight standing in front of such a glorious manse. She wished now that she’d thought to bring jeans and a T-shirt. She took off her biker cap and shook down her curls so that her hair cascaded over her shoulders, just barely, just enough that she thought she might need a trim, enough that she thought it might be fun to grow it long. She’d never had long hair but sometime after midnight she’d started thinking she needed a change. Actually, she thought she must have been thinking about change quite a bit because the thoughts bombarding her all morning had screamed for her to change the way she thought about so many things. She twirled the cap around one finger, making it do circles, wondering if she could afford to take a year away from the firm and maybe figure out who she was and what she wanted. She wondered how meeting one man could make her question so much, or if meeting the man was part of the need for change already growing inside her. She looked into the golden bands breaking the horizon, waiting for the sun to burst into view. Morning was heralding disappointment because the night had passed without Jonas finding Michael. She’d come outside to escape the growing edge of panic forming in her chest. This was her chance… How was she going to face the realization that there would be no scene? She knew it would be for the best, but for the first time in her life she wasn’t

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necessarily interested in what was best for her, or maybe her measurement of what the best was for her had changed.

Master M. Michael. They’d barely been introduced but when she thought about him, when his face came to mind, she didn’t think Michael, she thought Master M; did that bear significance? And was she brave enough to discuss the relevance with her id? “Ready to go home?” She jumped at the sound of Jonas’s voice but answered with happiness in her voice. “Not really.” He handed her a mug of coffee and took in the view from the front porch. “I could get used to waking up to this. I love being in the country.” He inhaled deeply. “Smells sweet and clean. It reminds me of home.” She nodded agreement and took a swallow of the coffee. She was pleased to find it was black and not too strong a brew. “Mmm, thank you, I needed this. It’s been a long time since I stayed up all night.” He stood across from her, close enough that he was touchable, just as he’d been most of the night. She liked his closeness. She could get used to this. He stood seemingly posed in his leather jacket and skin-molding pants, his camera strap hanging off his shoulder, as he sipped from his own mug of coffee. “Damn, you look good in the morning,” she said with confidence. Jonas nuzzled her shoulder. “Awake all night looks good on you too.” She knew her hair was frizzing and her mascara smeared. She imagined, if he took a picture of her that very second, she would look wilted and tired. The lines would probably show around her eyes and mouth, making the worst of her thirty-one years. “Take my picture.” He lifted his brow but obediently aimed his camera. Autumn leaned against the pillar, her coffee mug hugged close. “Can you make it black and white?” He smiled and adjusted. “You’re quite the assistant. I was just thinking that.” He aimed and clicked off three frames. He turned it to look at the digital proofs before showing her his favorite. She thought she looked exhausted and just as bad as she thought she’d look. No glowing supermodel face there, but her eyes were bright and sparkled with mischief and intelligence. “It’s perfect.” “You’re a beautiful woman, Autumn,” Jonas assured her. “You’re every photographer’s dream. It’s impossible for you to take a bad photo.” She pressed her fingers to his lips. “Shh, just let me enjoy my picture.” She looked at it again, noting her mascara really was smudged. It was perfect.

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“Want to be naughty awhile longer?” “Yes!” She smiled widely, a smile that quickly widened even more when she briefly noted she would definitely not be dialing in for the Saturday confessional. “Good. It’s going to be an amazing day. Victor has extended the invite for the weekend to a few very close, very special friends.” “And you were invited?” Autumn asked excitedly. “We were invited. You’ve made quite an impression on Victor.” She laughed. “I wouldn’t know how I did. I hid in the shadows most of the evening.” “It’s time to come out of the shadows, love,” he told her mysteriously. “It’s time for you to be in the middle of it.” Before she could reply that there wasn’t a chance in hell she was playing with Victor, she heard the roar of a motorcycle being started and then Michael rolled his bike into sight. He revved his engine before killing it beside where Jonas had parked his bike and just sat there, waiting. She knew he was waiting for her. It wasn’t her imagination that his gaze traveled over her, but she couldn’t lift her gaze to meet his eyes. She was shaking. Jonas put his hand in the small of her back and took her coffee cup from her trembling hands. “I’ll be with you.” His words were meant to comfort her, but they didn’t. He would be there, she had no doubt about that, but he’d be filming, or snapping shots, just as he had most of the night and she’d seen some of the action he’d caught. No, his just being there didn’t make her feel any

safer at all. She took a deep breath and felt her fears quake through her, imagining that Michael knew she was shaking as well. A part of her mind told her it wasn’t fear, it was nervousness, excitement, but she didn’t want to believe that. She hadn’t been afraid in the elevator. He’d been just a man, getting his dick sucked. Just a man. What had happened between that moment and this? She looked up at him and he tipped his head forward, meeting her gaze over the top of his dark sunglasses. Their gazes locked and something seemed to unwind in her middle, or maybe it was winding tighter. She only knew that his eyes promised he could unlock her secret desires…and that seemed impossibly dangerous because she didn’t know them herself. She knew she shouldn’t have looked, she wanted to look away, but he was just as devastatingly handsome as he’d been the first time she’d seen him and he enjoyed looking. He blew her a kiss. Just as cocky and arrogant as the man in the elevator. She laughed; he seemed to bring that out in her. How could anyone be serious around him when he was so blatantly sexual? Jonas hurried down the steps and started talking to Michael, who’d remained sitting on his bike. They both looked at her. Jonas smiled. Michael lifted his brow, challenging her as

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unashamedly as he had in the elevator. She didn’t want to compare the two men, but her mind did, for as cute and charming as Jonas was, Michael was devilishly, sinfully handsome. Jonas held out his hand, calling her over. Without thinking, she walked over to the men. She wondered if their rides said much about their individuality, comparing the bikes as she had the men. Jonas’s Japanese, built-for-speed racer to Michael’s more traditional badboy, black-and-chrome Triumph America with its British-stylized profile. She asked neither man in particular, “Should I be terrified?” The two men looked at each other before looking at her. In stereo they answered, “Not at all.” “That’s reassuring. Can I at least ask what the plan is?” “Oh, aye,” Jonas assured her. “Michael’s specialty is flogging. I thought you might enjoy it.”

Flogging ? She frowned, worried. Jonas lifted the two coffee mugs he dangled in one hand. “I’ll just run these into the house.” “I’ll do it,” Autumn volunteered, reaching for the mugs. “Love, I’ll be right back. He doesn’t bite.” Jonas kissed her temple. “I trust him.” He’d meant to make her feel better. He didn’t. She watched him walk to the house, an uncomfortable silence wrapping around her. “I’m sorry about the elevator.” “I’m not sorry at all.” He took off his sunglasses and put them in his shirt pocket. He took her hand and pulled her toward him. How much harm could he cause her, since he still straddled his bike? She looked at his jean-covered knees. He tilted her face up so he could catch her gaze. “Suddenly so shy. What’s been the cause of that?” “I don’t know,” she whispered as he leaned toward her. She knew he planned to kiss her. “We shouldn’t do that.” “Jonas won’t mind.” She took another step back, but could go no farther unless he released her hand and she was fairly certain he had no plans to do that. He smiled and it was absolutely wicked. “I can wait.” Her mouth opened but no words came out. She had no doubt he had every intention of kissing her again and she wasn’t sure that she could be as resolved if he tried again. She closed her mouth. “We should talk about the scene we’re doing together,” he said. “I’m tired of the hayloft. It seems I was stuck there for most of the night. I was thinking I’d show you a bit of the countryside. Would you like that?” She shrugged and looked wildly over her shoulder for Jonas. “Are you a city girl or a country girl, A.J. Blessings?”

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Her mouth opened again but no sound came out. “Front page of the Gazette. Very nice.” “I was on the front page?” “You and a very ridiculously dressed black man. I believe he was wearing a gold lamé cape?” “Yes.” “A friend e-mailed me the photo and article after I’d sent out a query to my friends asking if they knew of anyone in Atlanta matching your description.” She nodded, mumbling absently, “Jonas told me that you’d tried to find me.” She was suddenly more worried that her face was on the front page of the Gazette than the fact that a man had been e-mailing around town a description of her. “Why the frown? I mean you no harm. I mean, I suppose it could seem frightening a strange man searching high and low for you, googling you to find out everything I could about you once I had a name to go with the face. I just had to find --” She closed the distance between them and kissed him to shut him up. He returned her kiss with the passion she expected, wrapping his hand around the nape of her neck and holding her where he wanted her. She gave in to his kiss, releasing the anger, frustration, and aching grief that had surfaced with his recitation. He held her neck, not letting her go, even when their kiss broke and she tried to pull away. She pressed her forehead to his. “You googled me?” “Guilty.” “Why?” “I was determined to find you.”

Again? Why ? But she didn’t ask. She couldn’t ask. “Do you know my birth sign?” “Scorpio. Do you follow astrology?” “No, not unless you’re a Pisces.” He narrowed his eyes, nodding knowingly. “Ah, you hope to find your soul mate. Sorry darlin’, I’m a Libra.” “My ex was a Pisces. It was horrible.” “So you’ve lost all faith?” He nodded at Jonas as he rejoined them. “I leave you with her a minute and you start talking about religion? Bad form, Michael, bad form.” “It’s fine,” Autumn assured him. “We were talking about ancient history.” Michael tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips at her comment. “I thought we were talking about the flogging I was going to give you down by the river.”

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Her knees buckled and she stumbled against Jonas, trembling, but he barely noticed, or didn’t seem to as he tucked her helmet onto her head and helped her mount his motorcycle. “We’ll follow you.” She hadn’t realized how close they were to the river, but it made sense since the rivers of yesteryear were how goods were moved from place to place. It was practical that the plantation was near one. It was still early morning and the fog along the Chattahoochee River was thicker than it had been at the plantation house. Autumn felt wrapped in its embrace as she stepped off the bike. White swells of fog rolled over the quickly flowing river. No one would see them here. She was beginning to feel very isolated, very alone. Jonas pointed out a path and took her hand to lead her down to the river’s bank. Their arrival startled a flock of nesting snowy egrets that took to the air. “Oh look.” She gasped. “How beautiful.” “Yes,” both men echoed, but when she turned to face them their eyes were on her, not the birds. Caught staring at her, Jonas recovered first and bent over to unzip his camera equipment bag, but Michael continued to look. She wondered why he made her feel so selfconscious. She turned to watch Jonas so that she wouldn’t have to look at Michael. He set up a tripod and started setting up the camera. The tripod made her nervous. He’d used it last night, but he’d explained he only took the time to set it up if he knew it was going to be an extended scene. “Do you need some help?” Michael asked from behind her. “Help?” she asked, confused. His hands slid around her waist, teasing her bared skin. He whispered against her cheek, “Undressing?” She jumped and stepped out of his reach, turning with a look of shock written across her features. “Undress?” She couldn’t say that she was completely surprised. She’d known she might end up exposing something. Last night many of the participants had ended up bent over a knee, bare bottom exposed for a spanking. There had been many bare backs flogged and whipped and caned. She shuddered, remembering the breasts tied in rope. “I want you to take off your clothes now.” He took a step forward and caressed the length of her arms, stopping to wrap his fingers around her wrists. Just that touch made her feel vulnerable even though he was being so gentle, so placating. It seemed she’d learned a lot from the short time spent in the barn last night. Enough to know that there were differences in the way scenes were played, from gentle to harsh, with some play turning so very rough she’d never been sure if the struggle had been part of the scene or a change of heart. He squeezed her wrists, drawing her attention down, making her feel caught. Captive.

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She looked at Jonas. He had paused in setting up the equipment to watch their exchange. She knew at a glance he was going to be no help at all. He was there to observe and from a voyeuristic point of view share the experience with her. She thought they were both out of their minds. Then she remembered Juliet’s enthusiasm to join Michael at Dante’s as she’d skipped off to be flogged. She’d turned up no worse for wear. She had to admit she wanted to experience this. Hadn’t she just this morning promised herself a change? She was going to start doing instead of watching. With Michael holding her wrists, she unsnapped the closure behind her neck and let the top fall, spilling her breasts free. She looked at Michael and their gazes caught. He wasn’t leering at her double D’s. She reached behind her back, unsnapped the closure, and tossed the halter onto the grass at her feet. She thought it was easier because Michael held her gaze. So even though her hand trembled as she unbuttoned her shorts and unzipped the zipper, she imagined it could have been worse as she dropped the fabric to her ankles and stepped free. She was left wearing tiny bikini panties and her boots. Michael knelt in front of her. Releasing her hands, he slid his hands around her hips then pulled her panties down, slowly, nerve-wrenchingly slowly, his breath a warm tease across the tops of her thighs. He steadied her as the fabric reached her ankles and she could finally step free. He hissed as she lifted her knee. His fingertips slid along the welt on the inside of her thigh that she’d forgotten completely about. He looked around her legs at Jonas, accusing. “You said she’s never played.” “She hasn’t; I got a little carried away the other night. I needed to know if she could…” “Could?” she asked, her voice catching. “Jonas doesn’t get involved…usually.” Standing, Michael explained, “He’ll play occasionally at the clubs, where the rules are strictly enforced, but --” “Michael.” Jonas said his name warningly, but Michael chuckled and kept explaining, “In matters of love, he’s lost more than he’s gained.” “For crying out loud,” Jonas said. “It was a test. Am I right, Jonas?” Jonas shrugged, mumbling under his breath. “Belt?” Michael asked her. She didn’t answer but he asked anyway, “How many strokes?” “Five,” Jonas answered. “Ten,” Autumn said with conviction. Michael inclined his head to her. “I think I’ll believe the lady.” Then he chastised Jonas, “You have no finesse.” He drew the handle of the flogger down her jaw and lifted her chin so that he could hold her gaze, make her look into his eyes. “You didn’t run?”

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She shook her head and Michael smiled approvingly. “I knew you were something special. I went to a lot of effort to find you, mulatto girl.” She pulled her face back, reacting to his words. She’d been called worse, and it didn’t seem he was trying to goad her, but still… “Google didn’t tell me how closely you resemble Tyra Banks. I’m sure you’ve been told that before…but make no mistake…you are the more beautiful of the two.” He drew the handle of the flogger over each eye. She closed her eyes and ducked her face away. “Your eyes are amazing, eerie -- not green, not blue. What is the color of the Caribbean Sea?” He stepped back from her and she opened her eyes to find him circling her. “You’ve never been flogged?” She shook her head. “Then I consider this an honor.” He moved in close, lifting her chin again with the handle of the flogger. He pressed deep, immobilizing her face just where he wanted it, and kissed her. Even with the threat of brutality looming, Autumn responded to his kiss. She tried to control the kiss but Michael only lifted her chin higher, making her mouth fall under his command. He kissed her with wet, passionate kisses that would leave her lips feeling bruised but begging for more. He kissed her hard and deep and thoroughly, leaving her gasping. Before he stepped back a second time, he whispered against her mouth, “Thank you.” He stepped away and walked over to his bag. She panicked a little when she saw what she knew were wrist cuffs. And then he drew out a wide-linked chain. She backed away, wide-eyed. Jonas walked toward a thick-trunked oak and tossed the chain over a low branch. Turning to her, he said, “Well, come here.” She didn’t know what propelled her feet, but she went to him and allowed him to cuff her wrists. He raised her arms over her head and attached the cuffs to the chain. She was happy to find he wasn’t going to stretch her up onto her tiptoes. She caught the movement of the suede flogger tails flying through the air and she thought it was a beautiful sight. When they landed across the back of her shoulders, their touch was a soft whisper against her skin, a caress. She tilted her head back, savoring the feeling. He hit again with the same gentleness, a tease, making her understand the definition from the Dante’s brochure for sensual flogging. She closed her eyes, accepting each soft strike. The tails breezed over her skin again and again, over her shoulders, her low back, her hips and thighs. She craved more with each stroke until her skin was addicted and demanding more. More. She wanted to beg, but what would she ask for? She opened her eyes when he fanned the suede lengths over her breast and their gazes locked. She was surprised to find that she was panting softly, her lips parted. He held her

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gaze, and softly fanned the flogger over the other breast. Until this moment he had focused only on her back and shoulders. She wanted this and her breasts tightened in response, her nipples ached with a needy longing. Her mouth opened, she wanted to cry out “more” or “harder,” but her brain stopped her words. As if he’d read her mind the next strike over her breasts was harder, stinging softly. She closed her eyes, wanting this too. His face was close to hers as he whispered against her cheek, “Think you’re ready for more?” And she thought she knew exactly what she was asking for when she whispered back, “Yes.” He didn’t move away; he stayed close, so close that the soft fabric of his T-shirt was brushing her nipples. His arm moved and it didn’t register that he had let the flogger fly until it thudded against the back of her thighs. The sting was intense but he had already sent the flogger in motion again. Thwack. This time landing across her ass. Her knees wobbled but his free hand was there to offer support, cupping her ass cheek, drawing her close. The flogger landed in the middle of her back and emotion rushed into her chest. Her heart was pounding and her breath was catching with each strike. It wasn’t that it was hurting terribly, it was the shock and surprise of the force as the slapped tails hit again and again. He spread them up to her shoulder blades with a series of thwacks, then followed back down, thud, thud, thud, to her thighs. He kissed her hard and it seemed her mind wasn’t working as she responded to his kiss. His tongue lulled her to play and they tangoed in her mouth. He pulled her into him, crushing her. He asked, “More?” She nodded and only after the fact asked herself, “More?” But he was walking away from her. Her eyes widened as she followed him with a concerned glance. He pulled another flogger from his bag and swatted it against his jean-covered leg, testing it. It made a loud hissing snap that shook Autumn through to her core. She watched as Michael showed the implement of her demise to Jonas, who sat his camera down long enough to study it, asking, “New?” Michael nodded. Jonas smacked his own leg, which she noted was covered with leather. It seemed to thwack with a snap that sounded even louder and more powerful. Jonas commented, “Nice,” and handed it back to Michael, who smiled at the compliment. He wriggled his eyebrows and Jonas laughed, bending to pick up the camera. Autumn watched as Michael stalked toward her. He slapped the thongs into the palm of his hand as he approached. Oh God.

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He spun her around in her bonds and she realized that her arms were tired, achy. He released her and they fell to her sides like dead weights. “Oh!” He didn’t give her time to recover, instead pulling her to the trunk of the tree, telling her to hug it. She looked at him, not moving and he stepped forward, lifting his hand to caress her cheek. “Trust me.” Was that every man’s favorite line? Trust? Oh God. He kissed her lips with a teasing nip and she felt lulled toward more, offering her mouth but he commanded in a soft voice, “Hug the tree, darlin’.” She did. He locked her wrist cuffs in place so that she couldn’t let go of the tree trunk. Rough bark pressed into her breasts and belly. He pushed her closer so that her mons rested against the hard length as well. “Count to ten.”

Oh shit! “One.” The first strike of the new flogger landed on her hip and made her yelp in both surprise and pain, not terrible pain, not like when the tip of Jonas’s belt had welted her inner thigh, but enough pain that she questioned if she could take nine more strikes. “Two.” The second strike landed as hard as the first, barely inches above. “Three.” Barely inches below. “I think you’re getting the hang of it.” Was she? Was this something you could get the hang of? Where was the floating, happy feeling? She wanted to drift again. That was nice. This… “Four.” He slapped the thongs over her shoulders then immediately slapped again in the same spot but she felt as if they’d criss-crossed. “Hey, I didn’t say five!” Michael laughed. “I never promised one strike per count.” He slapped again, using the same criss-cross pattern over her shoulders. “That was five, six and seven, eight,” she insisted. “Count!” he encouraged and his voice still held laughter. “Five,” she said.

Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. “Six.”

Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud.

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Was her count slowing down to accept the pain? Or was he flogging faster? She asked herself the question but her brain was slow in providing the answer. It seemed to be hurting less.

Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. “Count,” he reminded.

Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. He set up a rhythm and he was maintaining it even without the count. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. “What number am I on?” She rubbed her forehead into the bark; she couldn’t think. It seemed like her brain was floating far above her head and she just couldn’t reach her thoughts. “Seven.” Michael reminded and she repeated what he said, putting no thought into it. “Seven.”

Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Michael reminded her of the count, saying, “Eight,” softly.

Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. “Eight,” she repeated, and the flogger landed with less impact squarely between her thighs, the thong-covered legs and mons. She gasped at the sensation.

Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. The thongs of the flogger teased her skin, thuddy strikes that made her cry out with each jolt, but not in pain. Pleasure was building and she thought he must be hitting her pussy, her clit, but the thuds dispersed and she couldn’t tell where they handed. And she couldn’t think…

Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. She could only feel… “Nine,” he said and she gasped out, “Nine,” but it turned into a moan that wrapped around her, drawing her outside of herself.

Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. Thud, thud, thud, thud. “Ohhh, ohhhh!” she sobbed, lifting in a rainbow bubble of pleasure and need that she hadn’t believed possible. She was spiraling up and away from herself. She couldn’t think, or breathe; her pulse was pounding loud in her ears. “Ten,” she said. Michael whispered in her ear, “I want you so desperately. This is just the beginning.” The bubble burst and her soul seemed to spray out in a brilliant prism of light. She wondered if anyone could see it besides her. “It’s beautiful.”

Thud, thud, thud, thud. He kissed her face, whispering, “That’s how we do it in the country, darlin’.”

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She couldn’t remember when she’d started sobbing, or when Jonas had released her hands and pulled her down with him on the grass. She sat in his lap, curled around him, still sobbing. She couldn’t say why she was crying exactly. She couldn’t even place the moment Michael had left her, though she remembered the growl of Michael’s motorcycle roaring to life. He’d left and she hadn’t even thanked him for making her fly. She remembered the flogging, every excruciatingly lovely moment of it and she knew deep in the depth of her soul that she was hooked. There would be no going back to normal.

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Chapter Twelve “Do you like games?” The way he asked the question, Autumn had no doubt she was going to regret her answer. “Yes. Does the game we’re playing have a name?” “It’s a scavenger hunt.” She lifted her eyebrow, having expected something a little more risqué. “If we can make it back to the plantation in time, we can make the noon scavenger hunt.” He added, “But Victor will be entertaining all day, so even if we skip the hunt, we could probably catch Freeze Tag or Kings and Queens.” “You’re talking about children’s games, right?” “Oh aye, with an adult twist.” He winked and laughed. When they arrived at the plantation, six cars were loading with groups set up with three or four players. Autumn was shocked and a little disconcerted that Michael was there. Jonas stopped the bike inches away from where Victor and Michael stood talking. “Are we too late to play?” Victor announced grandly, “The game just got tougher, people. Jonas is here.” Every car had at least one person scream out, “Join us, Jonas!” “I guess you’ll have to hurt a few feelings. Pick your team,” Victor instructed. Jonas answered, “I have my own team, Michael and Autumn.” Michael laughed. “I was just telling Victor that I am not the game type, since I always lose, but since I’m obviously needed today, I’ll make an exception.” Autumn hadn’t expected to see him again, at least not so soon, although in the back of her mind she thought that he might call by Monday or Tuesday to ask her on a date, which seemed absolutely ridiculous. What kind of date do you go on after the kind of morning

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they’d just shared? Could she sit through dinner and a movie with him and not want to touch him? Or have him touch her? Because having him so close, she wanted to touch him. Desperately. And where did Jonas fit in? She’d only just met him, but she enjoyed his company…and she wanted to make sure that she didn’t do anything that would mess up this fledgling relationship. And Michael…he wanted her -- she was sure of that. It was becoming too confusing and she felt a little dazed. She wasn’t looking for the happily ever after, but a happy day would be nice every once in awhile. Victor handed Jonas a folded slip of paper. “Good luck and the timer starts in two minutes. I think three o’clock as a finish time should do it.” Jonas didn’t look at the piece of paper, which she saw was folded in half and sealed with a gold foil sticker. He pulled his bike into the caravan and they watched Michael make a dash to his bike. Victor made a big show of going to the front of the caravan, holding up his stopwatch and announcing, “To qualify for prizes you must be back in three hours. And the time starts now!” Victor climbed in the front seat of the first car and it pulled out. Autumn saw through the side window that both Kim and Delilah were in the rear seat, looking no worse for their evening spent in the dungeon. Michael leaned in toward Jonas as the cars in front of them moved out. “Let’s see our list.” All of Autumn’s senses were reeling being in such close proximity to both Jonas and Michael. And now, they were going to play this ridiculous child’s game together?

Oh God. The men were totally engrossed in the list, not paying any attention to her at all. “Do they have to be accomplished in order?” Michael asked. “No, I don’t think so,” Jonas replied. “Not unless they’ve changed the rules from last year.” “So that would be the easiest, right?” “Oh aye! So do we make that last or first?” Jonas asked then answered his own question, saying, “Save it for last. The river is on the way back to the plantation.” “This one then?” Michael asked. “We can hit the interstate and then drive into the city for the rest? Hit Carmichael’s IGA right after.” Jonas nodded and they tapped knuckles. “Let’s do this.” They pulled out and headed through the countryside toward the interstate. Autumn tried to relax but it was impossible and had nothing to do with the fact that Jonas was driving at a death-defying speed. They hit the freeway in record time and both bikes moved into the

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slow lane. Jonas pulled his smaller camera from his pocket and slowed to below the speed limit. It was obvious he was waiting for something, but Autumn couldn’t imagine what. Michael pointed at a semi. Jonas nodded. Seconds later, Michael had pulled in front of the trucker and was standing on his foot pegs, his pants dropped. Jonas snapped the shot. Both bikes took the next exit. Idling at the stoplight, Autumn leaned over Jonas’s back and demanded, “What was that?” “Item six.” “Drop your pants in public?” “No, moon at least five people while driving on the interstate…we’re good for two, the semi driver one and the car that was to our left had two passengers plus whoever was behind us.” “You are not serious. Is the rest of that list so childish and immature?” she demanded. Every brain cell was screaming at her to get away from the insanity as fast as she could. The light changed and both men took off. They stopped outside of a grocery and both dismounted. Michael held out his hand for the camera. “I’ll get the shot and three.” Jonas held out the camera. “Be my guest, but you better be fast.” “Like Speedy Gonzales.” They watched him disappear inside the grocery. Autumn sat stonily, trying to decide if she should call it quits. To help her decide she asked, “What’s on the list?” “Number three, a nonedible play item,” Jonas answered. “Number two, exposed breasts of teller or cashier.” Autumn gasped. “No cashier is going to risk losing her job --” Michael returned with the picture. Seeing Autumn’s shocked face, he explained, “Manager works weekends at Dante’s dancing the cages. I’d hoped she was working today. We hit the jackpot.” He showed the shot of a young redheaded girl with her shirt lifted, exposing herself in front of her register. “That’ll work.” Jonas laughed. Autumn gasped. “Is everyone in Atlanta kinky?” “No,” Michael assured her. “But it sure helps to know who is.” He held open the bag for Jonas to take a peek. Jonas laughed and Autumn peeked to satisfy her curiosity. “Rat traps?” “Great nipple mashers.” Jonas winked. “I say we get number one while we’re here,” Michael suggested, jerking his head toward her and she hated to think what he thought to involve her in. She saw the look that passed between the men and knew she didn’t want to be involved. “What’s number one?” she demanded.

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“Penetration in a public place. They leave it very open to interpretation; I mean it could be as simple as a finger in your --” “No! A kid might come in. I am so not being party to scarring a child’s mind for life.” “Isn’t that an exaggeration?” Michael argued and she wanted to argue back with him. She didn’t. “I was going to say mouth,” he added. “Really?” “You didn’t mind when Ty was --” Jonas started to remind her but she didn’t let him finish, cutting him off. “Not happening here, boys!” She laughed as the ridiculousness of the situation lightened the load on her mind. “Then you pick the place,” Michael said, ending it. “And it can’t be a finger in your mouth.”

A finger in my mouth? Oh hell. “You don’t make the rules,” she argued, but that only merited her a stern glance and his rebuttal, “Between the three of us, I do.” She waited for Jonas to challenge but he didn’t. She’d somehow put it out of her mind that Michael was Michael.

***** Autumn stood on the steps of the courthouse. It was bad enough that she was still dressed in her Halloween costume and felt like a fool standing there, but she’d come to fulfill the dreaded number one. She sat on the top step, spreading her knees wide. She was shaking, noting a few people on the sidewalk and driving by in cars, but none really close enough to realize what they were really up to. Or so she hoped. Michael knelt between her legs and waited for Jonas to get in position. He stayed standing and zoomed. “Okay, I’m taking three shots, the wide view, now.” He clicked, taking in the courthouse with Autumn and Michael sitting on the steps. She lifted her hand to wave, thinking, I cannot believe I am doing this. Oh God, this is so hot! “Ready?” Michael asked, rolling onto his stomach, stretching his length down several steps. Could you be any more obvious? Her gaze locked on his and she giggled. “I don’t think I’d ever be ready for this.” She pulled the leg of her booty shorts wide, exposing her slit. Michael ducked his head and teased her clit. She yelped, not expecting that. “What are you doing?” she said, panicked, more embarrassed that Jonas was standing there than concerned at getting caught. “We don’t have time for that!”

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He lifted his head and smiled. “Oh, I always have time for that.” He dipped his head again and teased her clit with his tongue. She jumped, too stressed to enjoy what Michael was doing. “Take the shot, Jonas,” she pleaded, scanning the sidewalk and the road. So far they hadn’t drawn attention… Jonas snapped a shot and climbed three steps. “Please?” Autumn begged, knowing Jonas wouldn’t take the shot until Michael slid his finger inside. Jonas was right up on them, waiting. Oh God, Oh… Her body was responding. How can this be happening? Michael slipped his tongue inside her pussy and Jonas took the photo. She didn’t orgasm, but the thought that she might have filled her mind…if only they’d had a few more minutes. Climbing on the back of Jonas’s bike she said, “That was insane! I can’t believe you did that! It was supposed to be a finger. One finger.” Michael kissed her lips gently and she smelled her scent on his lips. “What can I say?” he said. “Temptation won.” He climbed on his bike; Jonas threw his leg over his bike, squatting in front of her. She couldn’t believe the ease with which the day had progressed. She didn’t understand it and she sure as hell didn’t want to question it. Things were just different outside of her normal vanilla life. And she was beginning to wonder if that was a life she even wanted to go back to.

***** They had eight of the items on their ten-item list and were headed back to the plantation when Jonas pulled off the road and drove down a private lane to an abandoned barn. Parking out front, he announced, “Number nine. ” “We’re out of time,” Michael reminded. “It’s fifteen till three.” “Are we really expecting to win?” Jonas asked. “What’s number nine?” Autumn asked, knowing she didn’t really want to know but the way both men were grinning, she decided she was game. What had started out as so awkward had been the most amazing day of her life. “Interrogation scene or edge play acted out in a typical country setting,” Jonas read. Autumn didn’t like the thought of an interrogation scene…and edge play? No way. Trying for an alternative, she asked, “What’s number ten?” “Wait,” Michael said, lifting his hand. “Listen.” In the moment of brutal silence that followed, they all heard it, a woman’s scream. Jonas cocked his head to the side. “Barn?”

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Michael shook his head. The direction of his eyes led them to look toward the field. A car was parked in the center. “Well, isn’t this lucky? Does your camera zoom that far?” “Oh aye.” Jonas pulled his camera up and aimed. “Well, that’s imaginative.” Michael looked through the lens. “Is that a pitchfork?” Autumn grabbed the camera and looked. A man and woman appeared to be facing away from each other, but only their heads were visible above the mound of hay they were buried in. A third person was sticking the fork into the stack. And a fourth was videotaping. “Isn’t that dangerous?” she questioned. “I think it’s a mind fuck. The person poking and prodding is moving slowly enough that he won’t completely impale someone.” “And if they do?” she asked nervously, saying softly, “It’s a she.” “A nasty gash, aye?” Jonas took the camera from her and snapped off three shots. “We’ve got ours. Interrogation, huh? Let’s go get wet.” “Wait, wait! Look through the camera, the woman with the pitchfork just dropped to her knees. What’s happening now?” Jonas handed her the camera. “Enjoy the show, love.” The woman was on her knees and had exposed the man’s penis; kneeling in the hay at his feet, she was licking and sucking his dick. Her hand disappeared into the hay between his legs. “Wow, either she’s finding his G-spot or the woman in the haystack needed a little more prodding.” She snorted, handing the camera back to Jonas. “The man didn’t last long. He’s a goner.” She pulled on her helmet. “Can we still make it in time?” Michael shook his head. “We could still get all ten accomplished though, and that’s worth something.” “But Victor said --” “For prizes, love, be back by four.” Jonas interrupted. “No one ever completes the whole list in the amount of time though…everyone races back hoping to have the most completed. There’s always one person who tries to complete the whole list.” “The winner,” Michael emphasized. “What does the winner get?” Autumn asked. The men looked at each other and shrugged, answering at the same time. “They win.” “Do you think that group is going for the win?” Autumn asked. “They don’t seem too worried about the time.” “Are they even playing the game, though?” Jonas asked. “Oh my God, we could go on like this for hours, guessing,” Autumn said.

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“So, stop arguing and let’s go get wet,” Michael suggested. A short drive later she was standing back on the riverbank where her day had began. The fog was gone and the snowy egrets had returned to their nests. She looked at both Jonas and Michael dubiously as they explained what they had in mind because number ten was

water play. “I know I’m new to this and I probably seem totally naive, but I have to say this again. It doesn’t sound safe.” “It’s just a lesson in trust,” Michael assured her, unlatching the closures in the back of her halter. “I’m finding I have issues with trust.” Jonas snickered and continued setting up the equipment. He’d pulled out the tripod. “If you say ‘I refuse,’ it stops the play.” “Fine. I refuse.” Michael sighed and said, “Okay.” Jonas started packing up the camera. Strangely, instead of feeling relief, she felt huge disappointment. All day long they had goaded each other and taken risks…why was this different? Shouldn’t someone try to convince her that stuffing a ball gag in her mouth, tying her hands and feet, and tossing her into the water was going to be a really awesome time? No, that’s crazy. I do not want that. “That’s it?” she asked. “We just go back to the plantation?” “Well, yeah, but the day’s not over. There will be more games, a pig roast, and at some point a repeat of last night, but on a much smaller scale,” Jonas explained. “The play in the barn will be much more intimate.” Autumn bit her lip. Last night she’d escaped play. She assumed it would be the same tonight. She smiled at Jonas and nodded but she was still disappointed. She couldn’t believe she was saying it, but she did. “Okay, it says water play. Can’t it be something less lifethreatening?” Michael nodded. “Sure. I can just dunk you under the water and pull you back up. Sound reasonable?” She smiled; now that was a normal water game. “That sounds good.” As water rushed around her, she questioned what had happened to normal. Standing naked in waist-deep water, Michael tied the last bit of rope around her upper arms. At least her feet wouldn’t be tied and there was no ball gag involved. Jonas winked and looked quite pleased that she and Michael had worked out an agreeable scenario. “Thank you for trusting me.” Michael ran his hand down the back of her head, startling her. She held her breath, waiting for the dunk to come, but it didn’t.

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He ran his hand down over the back of her head again. He was petting her? She shivered, liking it. “I want you to relax,” he said. “I want you to enjoy this.” She swallowed hard. “I don’t think that’s possible.” Her eyes grew wide when she realized that Jonas had already started filming. Dread filling her gut, she whispered, “Who’s going to see that video?” “Everyone at the pig roast,” Michael told her. “No one that you don’t want to see it,” Jonas assured her. “So which one of you is lying?” she asked. “If you choose to not have it shown at the pig roast then it doesn’t have to be shown,” Michael agreed. “But honestly, everyone there has a stake in today’s scavenger hunt. You won’t show up on YouTube or anything.” “I don’t think I want anyone to see it but us,” she whispered. “Then we are the only ones who ever see it,” Michael said. From behind her, he molded himself against her bound arms. He bent his head forward and bit her earlobe. He didn’t let go…even when she moaned out loud and tried to pull away. “Relax.” She closed her eyes, accepting the pain. He whispered next to her face, “I’m going to take you under water now. I want you to relax, don’t fight it. You’ll use up all of your oxygen too fast if you fight it.” She expected him to just push her head under but he was leaning her forward, his weight still pressed against her back. Just as her face was about to hit the water, she inhaled sharply. His weight held her under, not just his hand. She’d expected a quick dunking. She wished she’d taken a deeper breath.

Oh God. Let me come up! She started to squirm, but his weight held her. She bucked harder, her lungs screaming. When he finally pulled her head out of the water, she gasped and sucked in deep breaths. “I hate you!” From the bank, Jonas chuckled. “Don’t take it personally, she said the same thing to me when I played with her a little.” “Breathe in, Autumn,” Michael warned. “No!” she screamed, realizing she was going under. She took a deep breath just in time. Michael’s arms came around her and pinched her nipples. He ran his hands over her ribs and down to her shaved mons, cupping her. She bucked against him, trying to get free and had a ridiculous thought…as in, oh God, that feels good…he was pinching her clit. He didn’t stop pinching after he let her come up for air. She pressed into his hands, not wanting him to stop.

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She knew she was going under again. She inhaled deeply; he dunked her. His finger slid inside her vagina. She felt the easy slide, knew she was dripping wet. He pinched her clit hard, harder. She was screaming in orgasm when he pulled her from the water the last time. He caught her screams with his mouth, kissing her hard, holding her tight. She’d never felt anything like that before. “Oh my God! Oh my God” He pulled his face back away from hers. He was dripping wet too. She hadn’t realized that he had been under water as well. Had he held his breath each time? Or only for that final dunk? Water beaded on his eyelashes and dripped from his hair. Her pussy tightened, wanting him. She looked at Jonas, blushing, feeling guilty. But she couldn’t deny that she wanted Michael to fuck her. “Good?” he asked. “Oh my God! That was amazing!” Jonas called from the riverbank, “Don’t go getting a big head, Michael. She said the same thing to me when I made her come.”

***** Sitting on a wide boulder under a hot midday sun, Autumn caught Michael giving Jonas a look that wasn’t entirely friendly, and she couldn’t understand that because she was feeling rather warm and fuzzy inside. She lay back on the warm rock for some nude sunbathing. Against the background of soothing water and singing birds, she realized that the two men really were arguing. Oh, it was subtle, but there was definitely something rippling beneath the surface. Jealousy. Great. She had known it was too good to be true and now she was going to pay for it in spades, because as much as she didn’t want to admit it to herself…she was falling in love…but it wasn’t necessarily with Jonas. Or with Michael. It was more she was in love with the dynamic of having both of them. But in love with both of them? Definitely too soon to say the word love. She could admit that she enjoyed them each for different reasons. What would she do if they tried to make her choose? Or actually fought over her? Their argument was getting fairly heated; both men were growing red in the face. She wished she could hear what they were saying. Michael pulled away from Jonas when Jonas grabbed his jacket. It was Michael who demanded, “You tell her or I will.” “You wouldn’t dare.”

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Michael gave him a look that promised he most definitely would and then strode away and climbed onto his motorcycle. He didn’t start his engine, though. He was sitting there…waiting. Was he so confident that she would choose him? Wait. His words to Jonas repeated in her brain: You tell her or I will. “Oh hell.” Jonas came over to where she sat. She didn’t even look up at him. “You’re married, aren’t you?” “What? Married? No.” She sat up and pulled her legs in against her body to sit cross-legged. “Then what?” Jonas sat down on the same boulder as she. “I’m a sadist.” She jerked a little, questioning that she’d heard him right because he’d said it like he was admitting he was a used-car salesman. She didn’t need the Dante’s brochure to translate sadist. He derives sexual pleasure from inflicting suffering. “You’ve been diagnosed as a sadist?” Her breath caught as she tried to process. Diagnosed didn’t necessarily mean dangerous…but it did make the games real to him -- not just play. She caught his gaze and saw in his eyes the pain hidden in their depths. She imagined he was afraid that she would leave now. That she would choose Michael because he was safer. She managed to ask, “When?” “Since I was thirteen.” Jonas wore the most serious expression she’d ever seen him wear and it scared her. “I’ve learned to control myself. Voyeurism is my main outlet.” He shrugged. “I consider it self-therapy. I watch to keep myself from playing because when I play, I risk having things turn too rough.” There. He’d said it. Things could turn too rough. She imagined she should run fast and far before her heart had a chance to get too attached, but she couldn’t run. His eyes held too much pain…it was like looking in a mirror. “But you promised me that first night that you might cause me pain but that you would never harm me. How could you say that if you don’t trust yourself?” “I knew I would never hurt you and honestly…” He stood and paced to the edge of the river. She followed. He bent and picked up a stone and skipped it over the water’s edge. “I never planned to play with you, at least not at first. You were so obviously vanilla. I’d hoped for a nice, safe, normal, nonkink relationship with you. It seemed that you might be a voyeur. On the bus that seemed perfect. But then the minute I saw you at Dante’s, all I could think about was how great it would be to play with you.” “But you told me you only dated girls who played. Isn’t that like an alcoholic who bartends?”

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“Absolutely, and it’s gotten me into trouble in the past.” Seeing her concerned expression he clarified, skipping another stone. “I’ve never maimed or killed anyone. I’ve managed to disgust myself quite often. Playing with a true masochist is like playing Russian roulette. Even though I only go to Dante’s and the play parties around town for the fix sometimes because scenes can get fairly intense, I have on occasion gotten suckered into playing and then regretted doing so when I took things further than I should have.” His tone scared her. He squatted, looking for rounded stones. Autumn stood at his side, not knowing what to say. When he stood, his hands were empty. “Honestly, I haven’t played in over a year and I’d hoped that you would be the one to convince me that I didn’t need play to be content. I’d hoped that being voyeurs together would be enough.” “Michael knows that you are a diagnosed sadist, doesn’t he? That’s why he asked you if it was a test. It wasn’t to see if I’d run screaming into the night, but to see if you could stop.” “Very good.” He winked at her. “I’ve known Michael a long time. He’s really the only person here in the States who I’ve shared my story with. I never dreamed you’d meet him.” “And now he’s making you tell me the truth. Thus the argument.” “Partly. My being a sadist wasn’t why I didn’t want you to meet Michael. As soon as I agreed to bring you to Victor’s I knew it was inevitable that he’d see you.” Sighing, he dropped his head back and looked at the clearing sky. “Almost everyone at the barn received that e-mail… I took a chance and hoped you weren’t the woman he sought.” “But you just shared me with him. I can’t believe this is about jealousy.” “Not jealousy.” Jonas agreed. “I just wasn’t ready for him to know I was trying out a relationship. I wanted us to work out boundaries together. I planned to tell him…but much later.” Her mind went on full alert. She started thinking like an attorney. She demanded, “What is Michael’s relationship to you, Jonas?” “He’s my friend. He’s also a psychiatrist. We talk sometimes about sadism. I love Michael. He’s an ally in my personal war; he’s helped me to understand more about the working of my mind than I ever dreamed I would.” “Huh.” Autumn walked away. She picked up her shirt and her panties and her shorts. She got dressed but it was an almost impossible task. Jonas, a sadist…Michael, his psychiatrist. She’d laugh if her heart weren’t about to explode through her chest. Her hands were shaking and her knees were threatening to buckle. “I’m not sure who to be mad at. You for not telling me everything before you brought me here. Or Master M…Michael…because if there was ever a professional, immoral conflict of interest, this is surely it. I’m not positive he shouldn’t lose his license,” she yelled, tears filling her eyes. She felt hurt and used and lied to. “Was this a game? Are you enjoying the mind fuck, thinking that I am somehow suffering?”

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Jonas was beside her suddenly, shaking her. “None of those things!” He held her and looked into her face. “And I didn’t say that I was seeing Michael professionally. Our relationship is complicated. We met at a conference, both of us trying to learn more about and understand sadism. It was just we were there for different reasons. When we talk about sadism, whether the problems I have dealing with it or in generalizations, he isn’t treating me. We’re talking as friends.” “Sounds squishy to me.” “Yeah, well, life is squishy sometimes. Every relationship doesn’t always fit in a nice tidy package. And honestly, now that you know, maybe I have no chance and you’ll choose to continue to see him. But I want you to know…I want to be with you. This week has been healing for me. I’ll never be cured but in you I’ve found someone who I think I can be myself with and not lose control.” Autumn shook her head, not wanting to listen. “I don’t know what to say to make any of this seem okay and I know it is entirely too early in our relationship for me to be saying what I am about to, but I feel a connection with you that I have never felt in my life.” She turned to face him, squaring her shoulders. “Please don’t say I love you.” “I won’t.” Autumn let out a shaky breath. “Is there anything else you want to say?” “I want you to give me a chance because my soul is at peace when I’m near you. I know you’ve been hurt because I can feel your pain. Someone did a real number on your heart, so I won’t ask for that, not yet. But I’m calling dibs on your soul.” Autumn shivered, feeling the passion behind his words edge over her skin touching her like an electric jolt. His dark blue eyes bore into hers. “I know you are meant to be mine.” She closed her eyes, not ready to hear any of what he was saying. “Michael is fascinated by you, as fascinated by you as I am, and it has nothing to do with how lovely you are. You know you are beautiful, but something else. I felt it on the bus; he felt it in the elevator. Your countenance is so cool, so untouchable. You’ve got a lot of passion locked inside of you, Autumn. Passion and pain. To a man like me -- or a man like Michael -- one who has a sixth sense about such, you are a potent lure. He wants you as much as I want you; the difference is that he doesn’t have to be as careful about holding himself in check as I do.” She jerked away from him. It is about choosing. They want me to choose and Michael

is using the sadist diagnosis as a trump card to influence my decision. Well, damn him. Damn them both! “I’m glad Michael found you the other night because now, today, the answer is so clear. I was foolish to think I could keep you safe, that I could trust myself with you. I need a safety net.”

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He’s saying good-bye. She hid her face from him, unwilling to let him see the tears filling her eyes. Shouldn’t someone ask me how I feel ? Hurt and angry, she walked away from him and marched up the small rise to where the motorcycle was parked, pulled on her helmet, and climbed on the back of the bike. She waited stonily while he loaded up the gear. Michael came over to her. “I don’t want to talk right now.” “That’s fine. I understand that.” Michael touched her shoulder and liquid lightning seemed to race through her veins. She closed her eyes, trying to shut out the need that blossomed with just his touch. What was it about these two men? Even after hearing Jonas’s confession, she wanted to be wrapped in his arms, wanted to be comforted…by him. And now, Michael…she should be so mad, so justifiably righteous…she wanted to kiss him.

I’m sick. Russian roulette, was it? Yeah, I want that… Michael spoke softly when she didn’t pull away. “So I want you to hear what I have to say and then you can decide what you want to do in silence. Agreed?” She nodded and looked at him, because his gaze ripped through her, tearing her to shreds. “We would like to propose the idea of a relationship, Autumn. We’d like to embark on a ménage with you. It would be like you were dating both of us. Does that sound reasonable?” Oh shit? Was that what Jonas meant by a safety net? She turned to look over her shoulder. Jonas was still standing where she’d left him. Seeing her look at him, he shrugged. She turned back to Michael. “So what? You watch while Jonas plays with me, to keep him from hurting me?” Michael nodded. “Something like that.” “And what’s in it for you?” He jerked like she’d slapped him. “I thought we’d developed a bit of chemistry, you and I, so I was hoping that we could play as well.”

Well, isn’t that romantic ? “Playing? Is that all that this is about?” Michael tugged her closer, not hugging her, but pressing his length against her. “I don’t think any of us think this is solely about playing.” She heard Jonas’s soft approach, boots seemingly barely shifting the gravel he trod over. She felt his warmth before he touched her and when he touched her, he molded himself against her back, shoulder to thigh. She shivered, sandwiched between the two of them. A car drove by, stirring the air. She didn’t care that someone might see them… It seemed she was exactly where she wanted to be, where she needed to be. When had life turned so perfect? Jonas kissed the back of her neck at the same moment that Michael kissed her temple, both making her blood rage through her veins. She wondered then what a passerby would do

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if she encouraged them both to make love to her right there at the side of the road. She didn’t have to wonder whether or not they would; she somehow knew the answer to that…

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Chapter Thirteen Autumn waited on her couch, nervous as hell, waiting, because as agreed, tonight would be their first official scene as a ménage. Jonas wasn’t going to hold back and Michael was going to film. She worried. The thought that they were all playing with fire kept running through her mind. She was afraid that if Jonas felt like he’d failed to control himself it would mean no more Jonas and she wasn’t sure she could deal with that because her life was obviously fuller, more exciting since Jonas had arrived. She’d refused to consider what implication it held for her if Jonas failed. Since meeting him, her life was changed. She felt alive. Everything smelled better, tasted better…felt better. And the orgasms were mind-blowing. Every time. It had been a big week: she’d marched into the office Monday, cleared her desk, and left O’Malley, Bruce, Lloyd and Brown without a backward glance. She’d rented space away from the city and hung her shingle, A.J. Blessings, Attorney at Law. By late Tuesday word was out and on Wednesday morning the old-money clients that O’Malley, Bruce, Lloyd and Brown were suddenly too busy to represent were lining up to place her on retainer because they’d remembered that it was her skill that had continually impressed them. It was an unexpected boon that added up to be very good for her bank account. Not that she was all that concerned with the money, but her quickly developing liquidity was opening the door for her to do more work pro bono for those who really needed her help in her neighborhood. And that made her very happy. Thursday night she’d celebrated with the girls, including the disclosure of all the details about Jonas…and Michael. Before meeting them, she’d especially been so worried about Juliet’s reaction, but when Juliet hugged her and smiled, her smile held sincerity. And when she whispered against her face, “You deserve this happiness,” Autumn believed she meant it.

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In the years they’d been doing the Saturday morning tell-all, she’d only shared a few confessions of her own. What she’d shared with them over drinks had trumped years of experiences. She wasn’t sure who was most envious but she did know that they were all thrilled for her. She had a feeling that every moment she shared with Jonas or Michael would be intense…and honestly, she couldn’t wait. She was so excited. She closed her eyes, thinking about the list, their negotiations, and her pussy clenched. Fear? Worry? Excitement? Whatever it was, it was making her hotter than she’d ever been. They’d been almost businesslike when she’d met with Jonas and Michael. They’d handed her a checklist of what were considered BDSM activities and asked her to mark the ones she liked doing. She checked very few. “I don’t have any experience to know if I like any of those things.” She’d agreed to try everything they asked, but with a safe word to stop play. Had she agreed to too much? Jonas volunteered, “I like to play on the edge. Do you know what that means?” She hadn’t. Michael said he didn’t want to scare her out of trying a first scene, so other than promising her that they would both obey the safe words, he wouldn’t tell her what they planned to do and that left her heart pounding and her blood boiling.

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. She chanted her mantra as her knees shook under her fists. Her hands were clenched tight, skin stretched white over her bones.

This is crazy, she thought. This is Jonas. “I can trust him.” She heard Michael setting up the lights and camera in the second bedroom. It had mysteriously been outfitted as their playroom while she’d been at work on Monday. She knew there was a king-sized bed, an antique oval mirror, and a purple velvet couch. From her quick peek, she thought the room was very romantic. She wasn’t naive enough to believe that they’d intended that. I should be terrified. She looked down at her clothes, jeans and a T-shirt. Why am I wearing jeans? I should

have pulled on a skirt. I should change. Michael joined her. He held the video camera that Jonas had used on the bus to film Ty and Nicole. “You look a little green; are you going to survive this?” She laughed nervously, almost jumping out of her skin when Jonas knocked on the door. “I’m not ready!” she implored to Michael. “I can’t do this.” “Relax, Autumn, you are going to enjoy this.” He lifted the camera and started filming. Jonas’s knock sounded again, louder, more impatient, or maybe she just imagined that it was.

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She ran her safe words through her mind: Yellow, slow the intensity. Red, full stop. Green,

start again but not as intense as when red was called. I can do this. She hurried to the door and opened it. He wasn’t smiling. She swallowed and stepped backward, heart pounding. He’d warned her it would be this way. That he would be different, serious, demanding. She didn’t know if she liked the nonsmiling version of Jonas and wished he would smile just a little to remind her that he was the same man. This Jonas looked so severe. Terrifying. She shivered, taking another step back into the living room. She realized she wasn’t smiling either. She imagined her wide eyes and apprehension sliding off her in waves. She wondered if he could feel her fear. She bit her lip, trying not to hyperventilate as she imagined him crushing her face against the floor with his boot, holding her down. She shivered, realizing that she wanted that. She wanted to be controlled. Used. She turned and walked toward the room that they’d designated as the playroom but he was behind her, stopping her, grabbing her from behind and holding her with his elbow wrapped around her throat. He pulled her tight against him and she felt the leather of his jacket firm and cool against her back. “I didn’t tell you to turn away from me.” “Sorry.” She gasped, but it was too late; she realized only after the fact that he was choking off her air. She went limp against him, surrendering, hoping that was what he wanted. He loosened his hold only enough for some air to wheeze into her lungs as he unzipped her jeans and slid his hand in against her bare skin. He found her wet and ready. “Slide them down,” he ordered and she was shocked to find that her brain, her hands, could respond to the command. She pushed the jeans down, baring her hips. She pushed them as far as she could in the position she was in. “Good girl.” He lifted her by the neck, stretching her out. She felt him wedge his boot between her thighs, catching the fabric and pushing it down past her knees as his leg straightened. He pushed her forward, but she stumbled, the fabric hobbling her ankles. He lifted her and dragged her by the neck and for a second she panicked, the sound of her blood whooshing in her ears. She couldn’t breathe. She knew she was moving down the hallway, into the playroom. Then she realized she was breathing. He pushed her hard and she fell forward over the arm of the velvet sofa, so that her forearms and face were pressed into the dark purple cushions. She sucked in great gulps of air, not thinking about what he was doing behind her until she had her fill of oxygen. It was

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only then she realized he was bent over her, listening to her breathe. “I control that. From this moment on, if you breathe it is because I allow you to.” He grabbed her hair and jerked her face up. “Do you understand?” She nodded, whispering, “Yes,” and knowing it was true, not because of a scene, but because she wanted it to be so. In that moment two epiphanies swallowed all other thought.

She hadn’t trusted…ever. Not her father because he’d lied. He’d said he’d come back for her, but he never had. Not her mother, because she’d promised so many times to take her to London, and she never had. Then there was Eddie. He’d promised to love and honor her…

Fear had always controlled her. Fear of abandonment, betrayal, failure. What stupid fears… Jonas could do anything to her because she trusted him, against all reason, without fear. Adrenaline coursed through her veins, making her heart crazy. This is what being alive is supposed to feel like, she thought. Living isn’t whatever I’ve been doing up until now. This is. “Tonight you are mine to control. Mine to do with what I will.” “I want this,” she said. “Please.” I want to be yours. As soon as she thought it, she knew it was truth. It so far exceeded her normal thoughts and fears of dating, and love, and marriage…those things had nothing to do with what she was feeling. She already belonged to him. Those other words were just superficial labels that people used to try to organize their lives because they needed to control it. She was giving up control. She imagined the scene that was planned for tomorrow… Jonas would be filming and Michael would be in control. She could imagine her saying those same words to him. She heard the slide of Jonas’s zipper. He pulled her hair, arching her neck, stretching her back, making her bend to his will and her body mold to the position he demanded. As he filled her, thrust into her, a deep sob formed in her chest and as she released it and the sound filled the air, she thought that she was truly free. She looked at Michael; he was filming and she was glad he was. It had been agreed that she would be the keeper of the videos. As an attorney, she couldn’t accept anything less. Their joining was quick. She didn’t think he’d orgasmed; she knew she hadn’t. She smelled the scent of rubber before she saw the mask. When he pulled it over her face, it was a jolt to her system. She really didn’t have any idea what was going to happen. She kept breathing, inhale, exhale, because it seemed important to know exactly when she couldn’t breathe and she knew that soon, she would be unable to. He tightened down the straps around the back of her head. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. She thought she sounded a bit like Darth Vader.

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She was still bent over the arm of the couch and she knew the moment he squatted to help her completely out of her shoes and jeans. Inhale, exhale. I’m breathing, I’m fine. It’s

going to be okay. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. His hand slid up her thigh, his fingers teased between her slit, drawing her slickness to her attention. She thought she must be wetter than she’d ever been. He stood abruptly and jerked her hair, pulling her off the couch, making her walk. He stood her in front of the old mirror. She was surprised when he grabbed the Polaroid camera since Michael was still filming, but then she’d remembered all of their conversations -- taking pictures is what I do…it’s self-therapy -- and imagined that he was controlling his desire to push harder, maybe keeping himself from pushing her beyond a mental or physical limit that he thought she wasn’t ready for. She didn’t mind the camera. He snapped a shot of her looking at herself in the full-length mirror, naked, wearing just the black mask that covered her nose and mouth and had the two round lenses for her eyes and a tube at the mouth. It reminded her of a WWI gas mask. While she was looking in the mirror Jonas reached around her and turned a dial on the mouth tube. She wasn’t expecting her air to be cut off so suddenly. She watched her face in the antique mirror. She watched Jonas watching her. He took pictures and pulled the exposed film from the camera, letting them drop to the ground. She looked back in the mirror, needing to breathe, and she could see the panic in her eyes. They grew wider. She inhaled, or tried to. She put her hands on the mask, feeling where the edges hugged her face. She dropped to her knees, feeling the straps behind her head. Her eyes watered as she touched the tube over her mouth, knowing that all she had to do was turn it. Jonas knelt in front of her, took her picture, and then just as her vision was dimming, turned the dial. She gulped great breaths of air. He pushed her onto her back and she didn’t resist. She just lay there. Breathing, as he pulled off his leather jacket and pants. He straddled her, pushing her knees wide. He grabbed her wrists and held them above her head as he filled her hard and fast. Their gazes locked and the Darth Vader breath sound filled her mind. He thrust into her hard, harder. It seemed important to her that she keep her eyes open, keep them focused on him. He released her right wrist and she saw his hand move to the dial at her mouth. Her pussy clenched around his dick, her whole body spasmed against him as her mind screamed out…No…but she remained silent. The Darth Vader inhale sounded in her brain…loud…LOUD. She didn’t exhale. Jonas pulled his dick almost all the way out as he repositioned, held down her wrists. Both wrists. She stayed focused on his eyes as he thrust again, building a rhythm. Her body jerked, needing to breathe. Jonas thrusted. She could feel herself lifting. Her vision pinpricking into points of light. Her orgasm hit her hard.

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And then she was breathing, the Darth Vader sound filling her head. Jonas was growling. Growling. His orgasm tearing through his body. “Oh, God.” She laughed. Laughed harder when he collapsed on top of her. “Oh God, oh God, oh God.” She was laughing hysterically when he came up on one elbow to stare at her. “That was truly, incredibly outstanding. Thank you.” Later, the mask was lying between her spread thighs, as if she’d just given birth to it, and Jonas was taking her picture, again, from every angle. Michael had stopped filming and was sprawled across the bed, watching them catch their breath. Maybe waiting for the residual buzz left over from the intense scene to wear off a little. She knew she would be joining him in the bed later and assumed Jonas would join them too.

Three in a bed…the girls may not need to know that… She chuckled to herself and to keep from revealing her thoughts -- that she had no intention of revealing all the details on a Saturday morning conference call -- she asked a question instead. “Don’t you ever get tired of taking pictures?” “Not so far,” Jonas answered, holding out one of the Polaroids to her. She took it and looked down at herself. Her mascara was in dark rivulets down her cheeks, her eyes were wide, and her mouth grimaced. He kissed her temple. “You hide so much pain. That makes you an amazing subject, love.” She handed the photo to Michael. Looking down at the picture he said, “We could be years getting you to release all that emotion,” before turning his gaze back on her and smiling wickedly. Autumn smiled, feeling like she’d won the lotto. “Years, you think? Is that your professional opinion?” In her mind, she was already thinking that she didn’t want years; she wanted a lifetime.

Roxy Harte Roxy recently moved to an even smaller town in Southwestern Ohio with her husband and sixteen year old daughter, a very loud, boisterous dog, and two independent cats, where they are serenaded at night by coyotes and wakened each morning by geese flying over. “Life is good. Sometimes I worry that it is too good, that writers need angst and personal drama to draw from. When I first started writing, a decade ago, it was a respite from caring for my invalid parents. After tucking them in, I would write the day's stress away until the wee hours of the morning, sometimes until it was time to start my day over again. Now, I write for myself, for my joy…and to hopefully bring a moment's escape to my dear reader's when they are in need of respite themselves.” I am often asked, “So, what do you write?” And the answer, Contemporary Erotic Romance just doesn't answer the question justly. Yes, it's contemporary romance. Yes, it's erotica. But first and foremost, it is fiction which serves the purpose it was originally intended to and that is to encourage my readers think, to push their boundaries, and to give my readers emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually complex characters to fall in love with. Keep up on the release dates of all of Roxy Harte's erotica at www.roxyharte.com