Understanding Children: Foundations for Quality

ISBN 0-86431-648-8

9 780864 316486

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Foundations for quality

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Jeannette Harrison

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3rd Edition

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g n i d n a t s r Unde n

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Foundations for quality

Jeannette Harris

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New content in the 3rd edition, Understanding Children: Foundations for quality includes: • Identifying the characteristics of quality care • Understanding the principles and framework for quality interactions • Strengthening self-esteem and positive behaviour • Developing action plans and strategies to encourage prosocial behaviour • Dealing with common behavioural concerns • Partnerships with parents

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Behaviours which concern both professional and parents such as biting, lying, bullying and ADHD are dealt with from a sound theoretical base, and effective strategies are presented. A practical framework for planning and programming for infants and young children, ideas for observation and action plans for successful strategies are presented.

Jeannette Harrison, M.Ed., brings more than 25 years of practical and academic experience in the field of child behaviour. She conducts workplace seminars across Australia and in the United States for leading companies, and is regularly invited to speak at early childhood professional development programs and conferences.

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Supported by recent research studies into the effects of child care on young children’s emotional development and social behaviour, Harrison describes quality early childhood environments and identifies those aspects essential for the development of children’s self-esteem and positive social behaviour. Students and professionals will find the new chapters are consistent with the knowledge required in both TAFE courses and for accreditation programs. Key indicators of quality, which relate to relationships with children and families, are presented and illustrated by real life case studies.

Understanding Children: Foundations for quality

Understanding Children: Foundations for quality is a thorough revision of this highly regarded and user-friendly text book. It offers students and early childhood professionals a practical framework on which to develop quality social interactions and environments. It is known that infants and young children are more likely to be secure and develop positive behaviours when they are in quality environments with warm and responsive adults.

Foundations for quality

Jeannette Harris

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First published 1991 by ACER Press Australian Council for Educational Research Ltd 19 Prospect Hill Road, Camberwell, Melbourne, Victoria 3124 Reprinted 1991, 1993, 1994 Second edition 1996 Reprinted 1997 Third edition 2004 Copyright © 2004 Jeannette Harrison All rights reserved. Except as provided for by Australian copyright law, no part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the written permission of the publishers. Edited by Cathryn Game Design by Anita Adams Photography by Bill Thomas Illustrations by Christina Miesen Typeset by Anita Adams Printed by BPA Print Group National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication data: Harrison, Jeannette, 1949- . Understanding children: foundations for quality. 3rd ed. Bibliography. Includes index. For tertiary students. ISBN 0 86431 648 8. 1. Child care. 2. Children and adults. 3. Child psychology. I. Australian Council for Educational Research. II. Title. 305.231 View our website: www.acerpress.com.au

Contents Preface

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Section 1

Foundations for quality: the adult’s role

1

Chapter 1

Quality interactions and care

3

The adult’s responsibility in providing quality care

4

Parents and quality childcare

6

Chapter 2

Creating the foundations and framework for quality interactions and care

Chapter 3

Chapter 4 Chapter 5

Chapter 6

9

A democratic approach to caregiving

13

Building self-esteem

19

Self-esteem

19

How is self-esteem-enhancing care provided?

23

A positive sense of worth

24

Positive interactions with infants

31

Psychological principles for very young children

32

Positive interactions with young children

39

Showing acceptance of children

40

Encouragement of children

43

Using positive guidance

44

A quality approach to childcare routines

47

Infants’ daily care routines

48

Daily routines and transitions with young children and preschoolers Developing self-help skills during routines

49 51

Section 2

Building on the foundations: having a framework for guidance 59

Chapter 7

An introduction to child development and psychological principles 61

Chapter 8

Individual Psychology

61

Erikson’s stages of development

62

Lifestyle perception

64

The purposes of behaviour

69

The goals of positive behaviour

70

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Chapter 9

Section 3

Identifying goals of misbehaviour

75

Misbehaviour in children

75

The four goals of misbehaviour

77

Misbehaviour as a lifestyle perception

82

Action plans and strategies to promote responsible behaviour 87

Chapter 10 Action plans and strategies towards prosocial behaviour

89

The adult’s responsibility to plan effective strategies to deal with unacceptable behaviour

91

Developing an action plan to manage behaviour effectively

92

Quality early childhood programs allow for individual differences

94

Foundations and framework for planning

94

Developing an action plan for challenging behaviour

96

Using the action plan Developing an action plan for very young infants

98 101

Chapter 11 Limit-setting techniques: developing self-discipline and independence

105

Limits applying to infants

106

Limits applying to toddlers

107

Limits applying to preschoolers

107

Effective limits

108

Redirection

109

Distraction

111

Using limits

112

Chapter 12 Avoiding time out: natural and logical consequences

115

The need for a democratic environment

115

Behavioural consequences

116

Consequences or time-out?

121

Positive communication strategies in a quality environment

125

Section 4

Chapter 13 Using encouragement Phrases to try

Contents

105

Effective guidance

127 130

Chapter 14 Positive communication skills

133

Communicating with children

133

Allowing children to express feelings

136

Reflective or active listening

137

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Contents

Children’s fears

138

Allowing caregivers to express feelings

140

Chapter 15 Effective conflict resolution and collaborative problem-solving

Section 5

143

Conflict resolution in a quality early childhood service

144

Teaching prosocial behaviour

145

Helping children to help themselves

146

The conflict resolution process

150

Conflict resolution and effective communication

151

Problem ownership

153

Creating a quality environment for behaviour management

157

Chapter 16 Age-appropriate planning Developmental characteristics of children

159 159

Using planning to facilitate indirect guidance of children’s behaviour

163

Chapter 17 Common behavioural concerns: effective ways to deal with unacceptable behaviour

167

Children who challenge

170

Children who lie

173

Children who fight

174

Children who swear

176

Children who are angry

177

Children who bully

179

Children who find it hard to separate

182

Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

184

Chapter 18 Working collaboratively with groups of children

Section 6

167

Children who bite

189

Developmental readiness for groups

190

Collaborative group decision-making

196

Preschool age groups

198

Foundations for quality: making it work for you

201

Chapter 19 Cultural diversity

203

Cultural diversity

204

Chapter 20 Partnerships with parents

209

Support for parents

209

Communication with parents

210

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Planning a responsive and effective parent program Chapter 21 Teamwork

216

A democratically organised early childhood centre

216

Goals of adult behaviour

218

Quality teamwork

221

Chapter 22 Confident caregiving: using the principles Principles for responsive and effective caregiving

Contents

211

223 223

Chapter 23 Final word: values

227

Index

230

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Preface are our future I believe that children Teach them well And let them lead the way Show them all the beauty they possess inside Give them a sense of pride ‘The Greatest Love of All’ written by

Linda Creed & Michael Masser*

This third edition of Understanding Children: Foundations for quality has been written in response to the large number of parents and professionals who have indicated a wish to improve their understanding and knowledge of appropriate interactions with infants and children. Quality foundations take into account the developmental, social and emotional needs of children in any care arrangement or learning environment. This book is relevant for parents, centre and home-based day-care providers, teachers, out of school hours carers or others who may be involved in educating and caring for young children. Parents and carers interacting with infants and young children in the first five years of children’s lives play a critical role in children’s social and emotional development. Understanding Children: Foundations for quality will be valuable for both professionals and parents. Whether children are at home or are attending a childcare service or an early school setting, adults will wish to provide the best possible environment for social, emotional and intellectual competence. The notion of ‘quality’ refers not only to the physical setting the child is in but also, most importantly, to the social–emotional climate and relationships within that setting. Increasing societal and political pressure for parents to manage work and family responsibilities successfully may lead parents into a ‘survival mode’ of reactive, rather than responsive, parenting. Professionals working with young children can be subjected to these same pressures, again often leading to a reactive rather than a planned approach. Using the ideas presented in Understanding Children: Foundations for quality, parents and professionals will be assisted in developing a strong * © 1977 EMI Gold Horizon Music Corp. & EMI Golden Torch Music Corp. Worldwide Print Rights Controlled By Warner Bros. Publications Inc/IMP Ltd. For Australia and New Zealand:- Warner/Chappel Music Australia (ABN 63 000 876 068) Ground Floor, 39 Albany Street, Crows Nest NSW 2065. International Copyright Secured. All Rights Reserved. Unauthorised Reproduction is Illegal.

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Preface

framework for successfully guiding and managing children’s behaviour. A number of indicators of quality are identified, action plans and strategies are provided, and suggestions are presented for a number of common behavioural issues. This book offers the reader increased knowledge, inspiration and encouragement. Readers will then be able to practise their new learning and provide solid foundations for quality! I wish to thank the coordinator and staff at Albert Park Secondary College Child Care Centre for their willing cooperation in the preparation of this third edition. Understanding Children: Foundations for quality is dedicated to my mother, Marjorie Oates OAM, who has lived her whole life practising many of the principles outlined in this book. Through her work and her personal life she has offered a quality foundation to countless numbers of children and families.

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Sec tion

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: Foundations for quality the adult’s role Parents and professionals play a critical role in developing children’s social, emotional and intellectual abilities. Young children require quality environments based on strong foundations of children’s developmental needs. Society’s attitudes to children and families are changing, and parents wish to be well informed about early child development, education and care. Caregivers need to respond sensitively and effectively to these challenges and to implement a constructive quality framework from an informed knowledge base. Included in this section: • quality interactions and care • creating the foundations and framework for quality interactions and care • building self-esteem • positive interactions with infants • positive interactions with young children • a quality approach to childcare routines.

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d Quality interactions an

Children’s growth and progress through life is largely dependent on the physical, social and emotional surroundings in which they spend their formative years. Early childhood care-providers have a critical role in developing social competence in young children. We have evidence that if a child is unable to develop effective social relationships with their peers by around six years of age, then that child may be at risk of encountering later academic failure and dropping out of school. Young children require quality environments in order to thrive socially, academically and emotionally. In order to determine the quality of an early childhood program, there are a number of identifying characteristics that describe a quality service.

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care

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Quality services provide more than the sum of their parts. If you can imagine a holistic view of all that is happening, the observer will look from all perspectives: from an outsider’s view of the functioning of the program, from a child’s view ‘When choosing care for my children I look for of how it feels to be within this quality interactions between the care-provider program, from a parent’s view of and my children … the environment also tells involvement or acceptance in the me a lot about the quality of care,’ says Lisa, centre, and from a staff view on a parent of James, age 3, and Lachlan, 4. their relationships and acceptance in this workplace. This can be further elaborated. A quality early childhood service will have care-providers who: • interact respectfully with each child as an individual, fostering independence and confidence • relate effectively to the group of children as a whole, nurturing their social relationships and interaction skills • have knowledge and understanding of child development, providing appropriate experiences for the infants and children within their service • acknowledge and respect differences among families, supporting parents and children in individually appropriate ways • have a clear sense of direction and goals for all children to achieve, based on individual needs and centre philosophy • provide a safe, secure and developmentally appropriate environment for all children. However, if you added all these aspects together, they still would not effectively describe quality care, because quality early childhood care is a holistic matter, one that requires a ‘whole approach’. It requires a sound early childhood knowledge, which can be translated from theory into practice. It is this practical implementation that is critical.

The adult’s responsibility in providing quality care Early childhood staff providing quality care will demonstrate the very best level of adult–child and adult–adult interactions. They will provide

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Quality interactions and

care

a stimulating, well-balanced physical environment, planned according to developmental and individual needs and interests. Quality care is an ongoing process, whereby the more that is learned, the more there is to the whole approach. Adults who are open and willing to change will be the most successful. Staff may ask themselves, ‘What might it feel like to be a child in my care?’ This ‘inside-out approach’ enables us to put ourselves in the child’s shoes and to consider whether children in our care feel welcome, feel they belong through their positive behaviours, and whether they find the activities and experiences suitably challenging and interesting. Do children feel valued, competent and accepted? Children’s feelings about themselves cannot be learnt from direct instruction, but rather from the indirect atmosphere and environment within which they experience their world. Within a quality environment, adults will strengthen children’s self-esteem by treating them with respect, by providing opportunities for them to achieve, and by soliciting their views, enabling appropriate decision-making to take place.

A case study of a parent looking for high-quality childcare On a visit to a local childcare centre where she wanted to enrol her young baby, Max, Sarah was dismayed to find the caregivers demonstrating little responsiveness to the infants and children, and a distinct lack of warm respectful interactions between adults and children. Babies were competing for the small amount of attention available when carers were responding, and received most attention when they were crying or showing other signs of distress. A number of older children were demanding, and gaining, attention through constantly disrupting activities, showing disregard for others and initiating conflict situations between themselves and their peers. Sarah was considerably upset by this inappropriate atmosphere and the lack of responsiveness from the care-providers. Her immediate reaction was: ‘This is not a place where I want Max to be.’

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Sarah’s observations: ‘It was obvious the staff were neither physically nor emotionally responding in a high-quality manner to the babies. There was little anticipation of their needs, or reaction to infants’ cues. There was a lack of using incidental moments for spontaneous experiences and insufficient warm positive verbal interactions. These infants were being changed and fed, had experiences planned for them, and were certainly given the occasional cuddle. However, it was the overall atmosphere that did not feel right. It was rare to observe a carer down on the floor with the children, interacting and extending the spontaneous experiences that arise in a warm and positive environment. The children appeared to be learning more about inappropriate social patterns, by having their negative behaviours reinforced, than they were about respect for each other and prosocial behaviour. ‘Undoubtedly, I was overwhelmingly concerned as this was my child who would be attending the centre, and I wanted the very best quality for him!’

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Parents and quality childcare Although parents are not present for the majority of the time the caregiver is interacting with their children, their needs, concerns and issues will be listened to and respected. Parents are the children’s primary attachment, and the responsive caregiver in a quality centre will communicate and acknowledge this, both to the parent and to themselves. The caregiver is a supplement to the parent, and will endeavour to provide an environment for children to complement their home environment. This brings about a cooperative parent–caregiver partnership whereby they are a team working together in the best interests of the children. Section 6 describes more comprehensively the characteristics of this partnership; however, parent–caregiver relationships need to be acknowledged as a critical factor in quality care. When parents and caregivers are partners, clear and respectful communication is able to occur and the care of the child is seen as a shared experience.

6

Quality interactions and

In a quality care environment caregivers will themselves be modelling appropriate behaviours, communication skills and problem-solving approaches both with parents and other adults.

Case study

continued …

Sarah, with her anguish about the whole atmosphere of this centre, decided to have a discussion with the manager and some staff. She was able to express her concerns sensitively to the staff, reflecting on some of her observations and identifying key issues. The caregivers desired to provide high-quality care and were willing to work on the issues through further reading, undergoing training seminars and considering their whole approach to working with children.

The reader will find that the following chapters in this book address this holistic approach to understanding children’s behaviour, offering appropriate knowledge, skills and strategies for the provision of highquality early childhood services.

Review activities 1

Identify and describe at least three characteristics of a quality early childhood service.

2

Describe four quality interactions you would observe in adult–child relationships within an early childhood environment.

3

Outline the adult’s responsibility to children in a quality early childhood environment.

4

Outline the care provider’s responsibility to parents in a quality early childhood service.

Activities for further learning 1

Imagine you are setting up a new childcare centre. What are the likely needs of the children? How will you plan a quality program to meet these needs?

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care

2

Using the ideas presented in chapter 1, prepare a handout for new parents outlining the features that are important to them.

3

Outline and discuss two reasons why parent–caregiver relationships are a critical factor in quality care.

Recommended reading Diffily, D. & Morrison, K. Family Friendly Communication for Early Childhood Programs, NAEYC, Washington DC, 1996. Greenman, Jim & Stonehouse, Anne. Prime Times. Addison Wesley Longman Australia, Melbourne, 1997.

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Sterling Honig, Alice. Secure Relationships, NAEYC, Washington DC, 2002.

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ns Creating the foundatio and framework for quality interactions and care Underlying every successful quality environment will be a sound foundation based on knowledge of child development, one’s own beliefs or philosophy about children and a chosen approach to behaviour management. Adults working with children and parents raising a family will feel secure that they will be effective in providing the best possible environment in which children can develop. Using an analogy of house construction, imagine you are about to build a house. Building regulations require you to plan carefully, according to your needs and the environment in which you are building. You will consider the type of foundations in your house, ensuring a solid base for the best possible long-term capacity of the building for your needs. The frame of your house needs to be strong to withstand all manner of pressures and climatic conditions. The roof you erect will be held fast, ensuring everything in your house remains

9

safe and secure. You will then choose what colours your house will be, how various rooms will be used and so on. It is then up to you how you live in that house. What you know is that the building regulations have ensured that your house is built on solid foundations, with a secure framework and a strong roof. How you choose to live in your house is up to you; no one can regulate or dictate that. So it is with providing high-quality early childhood and family environments and early childhood services.

Framework: • Adlerian approach to understanding children • Knowledge of child development and behaviour Encouragement Shared responsibility Cooperation Equality Trust Respect

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Foundations are the SECRET

Figure 2.1: A solid foundation is needed on which to base the ongoing philosphy

As is shown in figure 2.1, a solid foundation is needed on which to base the ongoing philosophy. Quality care is established when the values of shared responsibility, equality, cooperation, respect, encouragement and trust (forming the acronym SECRET) are included in all interactions and guidance techniques. These will form the basis

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Creating the foundation

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of the caregiver’s approach to children, parents and other staff. The acronym SECRET with all associated values is described in detail in chapter 3. By using this solid foundation adults will create a selfesteem-enhancing environment where children’s needs are met, where they are respected and listened to, and where children feel they belong and are noticed for positive rather than negative behaviours. Once the reader has confidence in that solid foundation, then it is time to put into place the framework for interactions and guidance based on appropriate knowledge. Using an Adlerian framework of Individual Psychology for understanding behaviour, caregivers will have a successful approach that produces confident, high-quality environments for infants and young children. Placing the ‘roof on the house’ is the final step in ensuring the high-quality structure of your approach. Understanding Children: Foundations for quality offers effective strategies based on the Adlerian framework together with appropriate implementation plans. Finally, just as with an individual living in a completed house, it is the adult’s responsibility to use their knowledge effectively, providing high-quality care. The follow-up to the case study described in chapter 1 illustrates these aspects of quality.

Case study conclusion On a visit three months later Sarah discovered the staff had developed a changed and improved self-esteem-enhancing approach based on the framework of Individual Psychology. ‘I was greeted at the door and invited inside. Baby Max and I were made to feel really welcome, whereas last time I felt like an intruder. I watched the older children in the kindergarten room and observed a caregiver, Caroline, down at the children’s level almost all the time. If she wasn’t sitting on the floor with them, she was grabbing a small chair to be as much at eye level as she could. When two boys began teasing another child, Tom, about a toy he had brought from home, Caroline

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let their behaviour go and just watched. However, when they tried to pull it from Tom with: “We want it, Tom – we can take it” and Tom shouted, “No, Will, no. It’s mine”, it looked like Tom needed some assistance. ‘Caroline quietly moved to where the three boys were and said, “It’s a great plane, isn’t it, Tom? I think Will and Jared like it, too. I’m worried that your special plane from home might get broken. Where do you think you could put it so it will be safe?” “In my bag,” responded Tom. He immediately took it and placed it in his locker. Caroline then stayed with the three boys, looking at photos in books and talking about different planes. ‘It was such a lovely warm, positive atmosphere, and when Max and I went into the infants’ room, the same feeling was there, too. Caregivers were down on the floor, responding to the babies who were on their backs or their tummies. Andy was talking in such a warm way to Anna, who was gooing back at her. When Angus was grizzling the caregiver, Simon, sat down beside him, acknowledging that he was feeling miserable and missing his Mum. Later, when Angus was crawling around on the floor, happily exploring things, Simon made a point of sitting down with him and talking about all the play materials he’d been investigating.’ Sarah not only observed considerable changes in both caregivers and children but also felt the improved atmosphere in the whole centre. The caregivers were showing increased confidence and better responsiveness and were communicating more effectively. No longer were children competing with each other for adult recognition, gaining attention only when they misbehaved, but now it appeared that they actually wanted to be prosocial. All issues of safety, security and health were being addressed within a clear self-esteem-enhancing framework.

The staff at this centre had acted on Sarah’s concerns and decided to work towards high-quality care through a changed and improved approach to understanding children. The caregivers applied the solid foundations based on the six values of SECRET. Then, using an Adlerian framework of Individual Psychology for understanding behaviour, they developed an approach that provided confidence and successful outcomes. The staff had a better understanding of infants and children, gained skills to promote prosocial behaviour and provided effective management of more challenging behaviour. Each staff member then made a commitment to using the knowledge gained, accepting each one’s individual responsibility for making the approach to high-quality care work successfully.

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Creating the foundation

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It is essential for those working and interacting with young children to approach children’s behaviour in a positive way. Individuals’ personalities are formed in the first few years of life as they establish patterns of behaviour and self-esteem that will remain with them. Children are individuals with inherited personality characteristics who, as they mature and develop within their families, acquire many different patterns of behaving. They will try out and practise both acceptable and non-acceptable forms of behaviour. In doing this, they are learning about themselves and their world in order to establish their own unique behaviour patterns. The responses children receive to their various behaviours influence whether or not the behaviour continues. This, of course, means that persons interacting with young children need to be very aware of their own behaviour and reactions.

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A democratic approach to caregi

The need for children to establish acceptable behavioural patterns in society is indisputable. The manner in which this is achieved is critical to the child’s well-being. The primary objective in democratic and effective guidance is to stimulate children into desirable ways of behaving, by using an approach based on the following six principles.

Social equality Each person is equal in terms of human worth and dignity. Even though each individual has varying skills, knowledge and background, this does not make one person more worthwhile than another. A baby of 6 weeks is no less worthwhile a person than a grandmother of 60 years. Thus one individual is not seen as superior with others being inferior, but each is equal, no matter what their age, experiences or qualifications. This means that caregivers will regard children, parents and other adults as important as themselves in having a voice in making decisions or giving opinions. For example, the caregiver will value children’s options and let them be involved in decisions such as: ‘Shall we have morning tea inside or outside today?’

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flexible according

encouragement to need

limits which are shared responsibility

trust

cooperation

equality respect

freedom within limits = adult’s responsibility Figure 2.2: A democratic approach to caregiving

Children are not always able to have a say because of limited experience, but the belief in their worth is still there. The caregiver will use warm, open body language, such as a hug or smile, and be physically at the children’s level whenever possible to let infants and young children know they are accepted.

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Mutual respect Mutual respect involves a two-way relationship between caregivers and other adults, between children and other children, and between adults and children. Each person will accept the other for who and what they are, and will show understanding of the other’s beliefs and values, even if not agreeing. It really means treating babies, children and other adults in as sensitive a manner as you would wish to be treated yourself. Caregivers showing respect will be aware of others’ feelings and will be careful to avoid sarcasm or revenge.

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Creating the foundation

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It is especially important to consider how respect and equality for babies will be shown, as they are often treated with little regard for their feelings of worth. For example, a respectful caregiver will talk calmly and sensitively with a baby before changing her nappy or wiping her nose. The caregiver will then carry out the activity in a gentle and caring manner, talking about what is being done and why. Perhaps this takes a few seconds more of the caregiver’s time, but babies and young children have a right to respect. Through being handled in this manner young children will imitate, and will themselves demonstrate, respectful behaviour with peers and caregivers, creating an atmosphere of mutual respect.

Trust Trust will be shown between adults who will, in turn, trust children for who and what they are. This will give the children a basis to have the courage to grow and develop positive attitudes towards themselves and others. Trust in each other is necessary in a secure, democratic environment where limits are fair and reliable. Children and parents trust that caregivers will use their experience and knowledge to provide a quality, secure environment, and caregivers trust children to interact appropriately within that environment. In order to feel okay about themselves and others, children need to believe that they are trustworthy and that adults are reliable and dependable. For example, a father who returns to the centre at about the time the child is expecting him, or the caregiver who tells a young child, ‘I’ll be there when I’ve changed Sophie’s nappy’, and makes sure she follows through, are both enabling children to develop feelings of trust in other people.

Cooperation This involves modelling a cooperative attitude. It means working together with other adults to assist one another, and being willing to cooperate and be flexible with children so that each benefits by being with the others. People wishing to cooperate believe that the needs of others are as important as their own in working towards harmonious solutions. Cooperation demonstrates a willingness to share in an unselfish manner, so that all may benefit.

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Cooperative caregivers will be eager to work on problems together, rather than believing that they have a greater or lesser share than another. Children sense this attitude and observe the behaviour, imitating it in both imaginative and real situations. Caregivers demonstrating this approach will encourage children to work together on activities and jointly solve problems relevant to their abilities. However, it does not simply mean ‘learning to share’. For example, it may be a clear, sunny day and the caregivers and children have together decided (as an example of ‘equality’) that the morning snack will be taken outside. To encourage cooperation the caregiver may ask: ‘What can you each do so that it is easier for us to have morning tea outside?’ The children will be able to work together for the enjoyment of all.

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Shared responsibility Each person (adult or child) has opportunities to contribute and to show responsibility appropriate to their stage of development. Being given responsibility helps children feel they belong and are accepted, because their contribution is needed to allow for effective functioning of the group or family. Shared responsibility enables young children to make some decisions about how and what they will contribute, or what role they will have, giving freedom of choice within secure, fair limits. As has already been outlined, young children and babies are equally worthwhile as people as are older children and adults; however, adults have experience and knowledge which holds them responsible for many things. This does not mean that children cannot contribute or be answerable for some things according to their abilities and understanding. Shared responsibility means that children cooperate and are trusted. For example, democratic caregivers will encourage children’s participation in many of the daily routines such as table setting, putting out beds, packing away and so on. Infants will be encouraged to cooperate in putting away play things through reciprocal interactions where the child puts one away and the caregiver puts one away, in turn. These are activities that help children feel they are needed and that their presence is acknowledged. These young children rightly

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Creating the foundation

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believe that in this secure environment they are capable of being in control of their own behaviour. Our society is moving towards these ideas as a general approach to living. There has been a change away from autocratic ways and autocratic people, whereby one individual or group dominates others taking all responsibility for decision-making, to an acceptance of a democratic approach to human relationships. This is essential if we are to encourage children to become responsible, independent individuals with a positive self-concept.

Encouragement Used appropriately, encouragement enhances self-esteem and prosocial behaviour. Children’s self-esteem is strengthened when adults esteem them by treating them with respect and honesty. Encouragement involves giving children positive feedback, based on the child’s involvement, for their attempts and efforts. Adults using encouragement will show genuine interest in and acknowledgement of the child’s effort rather than simply focusing on the outcome. As is outlined in chapter 13, ‘Using encouragement’, encouragement differs from the more traditional approach of praise as it focuses on the child’s feelings instead of on the adult’s judgement. For example, a child may have finished all her lunch and put her plate away. The responsive caregiver will respond with a statement of encouragement such as, ‘Katie, it looks like you’re really pleased with yourself. You’ve eaten all your lunch and even cleaned your plate away. Thanks for helping like that’, instead of simply saying ‘Good girl, Katie’. A democratic approach to caregiving is not a permissive approach. It does not involve allowing children to do as they please, but gives them the opportunity to develop and contribute in a responsible way in an orderly setting. It is based on the preceding six principles and is dependent upon having an effective and responsible leader to guide and encourage as shown in figure 2.2. Effective caregivers will model these principles in their own behaviour and share them with children in a way that is appropriate to young children’s development.

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Review activities 1

Identify the six principles which form the basis of a democratic approach to relationships and effective guidance.

2

Describe how a democratic approach would differ from both permissive and autocratic approaches.

3

What role do significant adults (caregivers and parents) have in this approach?

Activities for further learning 1

Using the ideas presented in chapter 2, identify at least two ways you might: (a) show respect (b) show trust (c) allow responsibility when interacting with children.

2

Establish three objectives for yourself in order to achieve a more democratic environment in your home or centre. Work towards these objectives in your daily routines.

3

Organise a parent information session with a speaker on democratic caregiving– parenting where you discuss these ideas with parents and friends. Encourage parents to consider how they might translate the approach to their own parenting.

Recommended reading Diffily, D. & Morrison, K. Family Friendly Communication for Early Childhood Programs, NAEYC, Washington DC, 1996. Greenman, Jim & Stonehouse, Anne. Prime Times. Addison Wesley Longman Australia, Melbourne, 1997.

qu Foundations for

role ality: the adult’s

Sterling Honig, Alice. Secure Relationships, NAEYC, Washington DC, 2002.

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3

Building self-esteem

Self-esteem Our children are the future, and that future is dependent on how children are treated, respected and valued – now. The manner in which adults interact with children today will affect these children and others, in their tomorrows. We are learning more and more about the ongoing influence of self-esteem on children’s development, beginning from early infancy onwards. In fact, research is demonstrating that their self-esteem will have a profound effect on their future. We know that children who think highly of themselves behave in ways that are responsible, constructive and positive. In contrast, children who do not feel worthwhile are more likely to behave in a destructive and irresponsible manner. So, what is this thing we call self-esteem? Everyone is talking about it so much nowadays, but do we really know what it is and what it

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does? We are not born with a particular self-concept, nor are we born with low or high self-esteem. Self-esteem is an evaluation, a feeling – a basic sense of ‘Who I am is okay’. Every child is unique and will of course need to be considered slightly differently from another. We are born with certain individual personality characteristics, but it is what we and other people around us do with those characteristics that make us who and what we are. Thus a child’s understanding of her ‘self’ will depend on interactions with others around her. The awareness of who we are – that is, the awareness of self – is a learning process that takes place over a long period of time and is shaped by every event in our lives. Whether you are a parent or a caregiver, it is important for you to understand the influence you have on children. The responses that children receive for their behaviour will influence their self-esteem and will also influence whether or not they keep behaving in certain ways. These patterns of behaviour will be discussed later in this book. As a responsive adult, the crucial thing is to be aware of self-esteem. It is important for young children to develop a positive sense of self in order to feel worthwhile. Children can then feel comfortable with themselves knowing they are okay as people. Responsive adults will accept a child as she is, although her unacceptable behaviour may have to be redirected. Positive feelings about ourselves have an incredible effect on our ability to realise our full potential in life. Have you ever thought that in all the world there is no one else exactly like you? You are unique. This is what makes you you. We have to teach children that they are worthwhile, they are valuable, they are precious. We have to teach them to feel good about themselves: to develop self-acceptance. This is what self-esteem is about, and it is a part of our whole self-concept. The notion of self-concept was originally studied in relation to the term ‘looking-glass self’. It described the way an individual’s selfconcept is determined not by the way the individual saw herself but by the perceived reaction of others in the social situation; that is, how we think other people see us. Self-concept describes the perceptions and the attitudes that a person has about themself. It refers to many aspects of self, including how

20

Building self-esteem

we see our physical characteristics, our cognitive abilities, our gender, and our identities. The development of the self-concept relies on information from our social environment through the interaction with others, particularly parents, teachers, siblings and peers. This will be described later in this book when you read about lifestyle perception. Self-esteem, on the other hand, is not just about how other people see us, but it refers to our personal judgement of our own worth – our self-acceptance. Self-esteem involves two components of self. The first is one’s sense of worth and the other, a perception of one’s competence. These factors are not necessarily equal in importance. In fact some researchers believe that a sense of inherent worth is the single most important factor in how we cope with life. It is affected by our interpretation of the way others see us. The development of positive self-esteem involves a need for recognition from others. That is why a feeling of belonging is so important to children. Responsive adults need to respond to children in a warm and accepting manner by giving attention to children’s acceptable behaviour and appropriate feedback for their negative behaviour. In order to feel worthwhile, children need adults who will demonstrate an accepting attitude rather than a judgemental view, and who will communicate in a clear and positive manner, thus giving children a strong sense of belonging. The development of positive self-esteem is an ongoing process that has been shown to lead to children feeling more confident, accepting responsibility, adhering to rules and regulations more readily, and being respectful of others. The development of a positive sense of self can lead directly to the success of children later in their lives. Self-esteem is therefore a major factor and a powerful influence on children’s futures. We know that children who are cared for in a self-esteem-enhancing environment are far more likely to be able to cope with problems later in life. They are usually confident and able to succeed knowing that they are okay even when they occasionally fail. Responsive adults who value self-esteem avoid judging children according to their successes or failures. A self-esteem-enhancing approach will nurture children who feel good about themselves, and these children are less likely to behave in antisocial ways. There is a direct correlation between positive selfesteem and appropriate behaviour in children. Research studies show

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that children who have high self-esteem – that is, children who feel good about themselves, who feel accepted as they are and worthwhile – misbehave less. They develop self-discipline and responsibility, whereas children with low self-esteem – that is, children who feel discouraged, or who feel less worthwhile than others – are more likely to misbehave and constantly show inappropriate behaviour. Children can learn to be honest about their level of competence while being encouraged to feel comfortable about themselves. Selfesteem enables us to acknowledge strengths as well as vulnerabilities. Children with well-established feelings of worth from infancy will develop a sense of personal acceptance together with confidence in their own abilities. These children will be those most likely to cope with life’s future challenges. Talking so simply about self-esteem may result in the development of unrealistic expectations. It is known that most adults and children fall somewhere in between the polarities of positive and negative. Selfesteem needs to be viewed as a lifelong process, the foundations of which are set down in early childhood by using a democratic approach with children, as described in chapter 2. There are skills adults can acquire and practise to enhance selfesteem development, but it is not always easy. As a parent, a caregiver or a teacher, it can often be difficult to consider our children and their feelings when we may not be feeling okay about ourselves. This can be one of the major challenges of adult–child interactions, and the strategies proposed in this book give guidelines for self-esteemenhancing interactions within a democratic approach. This is what responsive relationships are about. If we can acknowledge that effectively caring for children can be difficult and mistakes may be made, then we can move forward and ask, ‘How can I learn from what I just said or did?’ At times we need to reflect on our own behaviour, not just the children’s. Virginia Satir, in her book People Making, stated, ‘Feelings of worth can only flourish in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, rules are flexible – the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family.’ This is the kind of democratic atmosphere that we want to create in any childcare or family environment. Responsive adults will be able to create a self-esteem enhancing approach where children feel accepted, confident and believed in.

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Building self-esteem

re How is self-esteem-enhancing ca

provided?

Beginning in early infancy children need to have a feeling of their own inherent worth conveyed to them. An important factor in these early months is the sense of touch. Through touch, babies develop a symbiotic relationship with those around them, and begin to establish a sense of acceptance. Research has shown that these early interactions have a profound effect on future behaviour. When babies are respectfully held, touched and nurtured, when their needs are met and adults respond positively to their cues, then these infants are likely to develop a strong sense of worth. They become trusting of their environments and establish positive behavioural patterns. These patterns form a template for their future lives. By providing an atmosphere where children feel accepted and worthwhile, the adult is enhancing the development of a more accepting and positive attitude towards others. A secure environment will increase children’s confidence, competence and sense of worth.

Adults will foster the child’s need to feel ‘I am special. There is no one else quite like me.’

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We constantly communicate relationship messages which affect self-esteem. Adults need to be aware of how they are expressing their feelings and attitudes, what they are actually saying and the facial expression they are showing. Children will interpret these messages according to their perception of themselves; however, adults can inadvertently reinforce negative perceptions.

A positive sense of worth In order to develop a positive sense of worth children need to feel: • I am special. There is no one else quite like me. When 2-year-old Guy walks into the playroom at his childcare centre each day, Jackie, the caregiver, makes a point of stopping what she is doing in order to greet him. ‘Good morning, Guy,’ she says. ‘It’s great to see you today.’ Responsive adults will ensure that each infant and child is greeted in a warm and friendly manner whenever they arrive in the room. Consider the strong sense of being valued that this gives a child: ‘You actually stopped what you are doing to take notice of me. I didn’t even have to misbehave to make you take notice.’

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• In some ways I am like other people, but I am also different, and that is okay. At storytime a group of 3- and 4-year-olds are sitting with Scott, the caregiver, looking at a book about Aboriginal children. Scott is talking about the clothes the Aboriginal children are wearing and the food they are eating. Jeska, a 4-year-old, says, ‘Yuk. I don’t like that.’ Scott then initiates a discussion about different foods that these 3- and 4year-olds like. They discover there are some things they all like and yet there are also lots of differences. ‘Is that okay?’ asks Scott. ‘Is it all right to be the same in some things, but different in others?’ In all their interactions, children need not only to tolerate but also to accept and respect differences. This will help children feel ‘I do not have to be the same as everyone else to be accepted. I am unique and special.’

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Building self-esteem

• Some things are hard to do and some things I cannot do very well. But I am still okay. It is important for the development of a positive sense of self-esteem that children are able to accept their level of competence and know that their worth is not judged on their abilities. Children so quickly develop a sense of failure and become discouraged by inappropriate messages, such as, ‘That puzzle is too hard for you, Xenia. You need a simple one’ or ‘Xenia, you are so slow. Can’t you even finish that puzzle?’ The responsive caregiver will instead give children a message that separates behaviour from the person, thus enabling a sense of worth. For example, Lucas is trying to construct his building so that it stays up like Carrie’s, but it is not working and he is becoming frustrated and hits out at Carrie. Sophie, the caregiver, quietly walks over and kneels beside Lucas. ‘It is really annoying when you can’t get things to work isn’t it, Lucas? But I can’t let you hurt Carrie. What could you do so that your building works the way you want?’ In this way, Sophie has respected Lucas’s feeling of being unable, yet has still enabled him to feel accepted. Lucas will be given a feeling of ‘I can’t do it as well as Carrie and I feel disappointed. Maybe my behaviour was not acceptable, but I know that Sophie still accepts me as a person.’ • I am respected and through this I will learn how to demonstrate respect to other people. When children feel worthwhile and valued themselves, they are far more likely to value and consider others. Children will model their behaviour on that of significant adults in their lives. Adults who can treat children as they themselves would like to be treated will find that children reciprocate this attitude. Adults need to take children seriously and consider the feelings that are being expressed through certain behaviours. For example, Chia is sitting at the table, very involved with putting pieces of puzzle together. ‘Tidy that up now, Chia,’ her Dad calls out. ‘We are about to have dinner.’ Chia looks up at him, showing him what she is doing. ‘Put it away now, it’s dinner time,’ says Dad. Chia quietly pushes the pieces of puzzle on to the floor and leaves the room.

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Children need to know that their feelings are being considered, even if they cannot do what they want. Dad could have said to Chia, ‘It looks like you’re working hard at that puzzle. We’ll need to clear the table for dinner soon, Chia, so what can you do about the puzzle?’ or ‘You’re really enjoying doing that puzzle but we’ll need to have dinner in a little while. I can see you’d love to keep going so you’re welcome to do some more after dinner.’ In this way Chia can feel: ‘I am being considered – my feelings are being valued. I still need to consider other people and work within limits, but I feel respected.’ • My thoughts and ideas are important … I can listen to other people’s ideas too, and respect them.

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Children need to know we are listening to them in order to feel valued. Have you ever been having a conversation with another adult and you know, through their responses and body language, that they are not listening? It makes you feel unimportant, doesn’t it? Well, it is the same for children. A shrug and an ‘uh-huh’ are not enough. Children will learn to listen respectfully to others when they are truly listened to themselves. Instead of saying, ‘uh-huh’, ‘really’, or ‘mmm’, really think about what children are expressing, and respond to that. For example, when 4-year-old Jake was telling Tess, his caregiver, about going to the movies at the weekend it would have been very easy for Tess to appear to be listening by ‘mm’s’ and ‘really’s’, but instead, she demonstrated her interest by following up on what Jake was saying: ‘It sounds like it was fun, Jake … and what happened then? … You’ve really thought lots about it, haven’t you?’… and so on. In this way, children are able to feel valued: ‘I am worthwhile and important enough for you to stop and listen. You value my ideas.’ • I need to like myself and to be honest about myself. It is important for children to develop a sense of their own worth through their own self-assessment, not through the external judgement of adults. This internal sense of worth will be enhanced by the use of encouraging feedback rather than praise. You will be able to read more about this in the chapter on encouragement. Children feel a greater sense of self-esteem when they learn to evaluate themselves and to focus on how they feel about something, rather than on an adult’s judgement.

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Building self-esteem

‘Well done’ can mean from the adult’s view something has been well completed according to their criteria, but how does the child feel about it? Responsive adults will give feedback that enables children to focus on how they feel about what they’re doing. For example: ‘You look really pleased about finishing that puzzle, Sarah’ makes it possible for the child to target her own feelings, rather than focus on how the adult feels about the puzzle being completed. In this way children will feel: ‘I am okay as me and I can accept myself. I do not have to rely on someone else’s judgement of me or my accomplishments.’ • I need to find my own positive, acceptable and special way of belonging. As you will learn later in this book, we all need to feel we belong and are accepted. In fact, Alfred Adler, the founder of Individual Psychology, stated, ‘The basic motivation behind all social behaviour is the need to belong.’ Belonging is a basic human need. In order to develop effectively, children require this need to be met through a recognition of themselves as worthwhile people and an acknowledgement of their positive behaviours. Children gain a sense of belonging by being noticed, which of course can occur through positive or negative behaviour. These concepts are explored in later chapters on behaviour. It was stated at the beginning of this chapter that the responses children receive for their behaviour will influence not only their self-esteem but also whether or not that behaviour continues to occur. Adults need to give children feedback which enables them to be acknowledged and noticed for their positive behaviour thus enhancing their sense of belonging. Even the greeting at the door when children arrive gives them a sense of belonging and acceptance. Children need to belong and it is the responsibility of adults to enable children to feel special just because they are who they are – for their own uniqueness. How often do we acknowledge to a child that we have noticed her? Adults need to recognise and acknowledge children to assist their sense of worth. Anna, a 21⁄2-year-old, was playing beside an infant, Tom. Tom grabbed Anna’s wooden blocks and put them with his pile of toys in front of him. Instead of grabbing them back, Anna simply fetched

27

some more blocks and said, ‘You can have those ones this time, Tom.’ Their Mum, Lina, saw this and normally would have taken no notice. However, this time she said, ‘Anna, thank you for letting Tom have those. It was thoughtful of you to get yourself some more.’ In this way, Anna was being noticed for her positive behaviour and is forming a perception of ‘belonging’. Of course it will not be fair on Anna if she is expected to always cooperate in this way. Children’s self-esteem will be enhanced and nurtured by adults who encourage this sense of worth, acceptance and competence. As was described in chapter 2, the development of a self-esteem-enhancing environment is like building a house. When you build a house, you need firstly to ensure the foundations are solid. Your self-esteemenhancing environment is your solid foundation. The basis for this foundation can be shown in the word SECRET: S – Shared Responsibility E – Equality C – Cooperation R – Respect E – Encouragement T – Trust

A self-esteem enhancing atmosphere is a SECRET environment. These concepts are outlined in the following chapters and will form the foundation for effective relationships and a framework for understanding children’s behaviour.

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Review activities 1

Describe the two components of self-esteem.

2

Identify the major factors influencing self-esteem.

3

Describe the correlation between self-esteem and children’s behaviour.

4

Identify the adult’s role in the development of children’s positive self-esteem.

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Building self-esteem

Activities for further learning 1

Consider these two situations: First, we are in a 2–3-year-old room in a childcare centre. A child, Sarah, has a runny nose. Tom, the caregiver, says, ‘Oh, Sarah, your nose is running. Let’s get the tissues.’ He lets Sarah take a tissue from the box and encourages her to wipe her own nose. Tom then says, ‘Thanks for doing that, Sarah. Your nose will feel much better now.’ Later we see a different situation. The same child Sarah, has a runny nose. This time Helen, the caregiver, handles it slightly differently. Helen comes up to Sarah and says, ‘Sarah, you’ve got a runny nose. I’ll get a tissue.’ So Helen reaches for the tissues and comes back to the sandpit where Sarah is. She says to Sarah, ‘Hop up, Sarah, I’m going to blow your nose. Come on, hop up.’ Sarah stands up and puts her head back to have her nose wiped. ‘Good girl,’ says Helen, and Sarah moves away. Now consider how these two children may respond differently to these approaches. What might have happened in situation 1, where Tom enabled Sarah to do something herself? What would it do to Sarah’s sense of worth and competence? What do you think situation 2, where Helen fetched the tissue for Sarah and wiped her nose, would do to Sarah’s sense of worth and competence? In the first situation, Sarah came away grinning and commented to three or four other children, ‘I blowed my nose!’ In the second situation, Sarah allowed her nose to be wiped and then just sat down again to play in the sandpit. Make a comment on how situation 2 could have been handled differently to enable Sarah to have a feeling of self-worth and competence.

2

Think about a time in your childhood when you felt accepted, when you felt confident, when you felt someone believed in you. Then write down three things about the way this person spoke to you, about their attitude towards you and what their body manner was like. Now think back to a time in your childhood when you felt that someone didn’t believe in you, didn’t trust you or when you didn’t feel accepted in the situation. Consider the same aspects: how did the person speak to you? What was their attitude towards you? Describe how each situation made you feel. Think about why. Consider the implications of this for your interactions with children.

3

Consider the past few days with your children. Think of at least three times when you could have enhanced children’s self-esteem by acknowledging their worth and their competence. Write down what you could have said or done in each situation. Practise using these responses in future situations.

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Recommended reading Curry, Nancy & Johnson, Carl. Beyond Self-esteem: Developing a Genuine Sense of Human Value, NAEYC, New York, 1992. Dinkmeyer, Don & Losancy, Lewis. The Encouragement Book, Prentice Hall, Upper Saddle River, NJ, 1980.

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Satir, Virginia. People Making, Souvenir Press, London, 1987.

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4

Positive interactions with infants

Infants need a caregiver who is available for comfort and play, to assist with feeding and changing, and to provide reassurance when security is needed. Infants who feel they are essentially accepted and recognised for their positive behaviours will grow up feeling acknowledged and okay about themselves. However, infants who are given the message that they are ‘naughty’ or ‘a burden’, or who receive more recognition for negative than positive behaviour, will grow up feeling discouraged and unsure of belonging through positive means. These infants soon develop a lifestyle perception about the way they are acknowledged based on negative responses and behaviour. Infants need to believe in their environment and trust their caregivers to provide for their needs. Infants and toddlers have seesaw feelings between wanting to assert themselves and be independent of others while doubting their own abilities. They need the security of an adult who can allow freedom with limits in a positive manner.

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Very young children may know of no way to express a sense of identity, an ‘I am me’, other than say ‘no’ to adult direction. Understanding this, a caregiver can phrase directions or guidance in such a way that the child can begin to make her own choices and feel that she has direction and independence in positive ways. An infant in a caring relationship which allows her to experience some freedom within limits, in a trusting and respectful environment, will most likely become a secure cooperative child who feels okay about herself. It is the discouraged infant who may become the misbehaving child in order to feel she is recognised. It is important to understand that adults cannot make infants or toddlers behave acceptably, so resorting to physical punishment or humiliation is never appropriate. Responses of this nature provide increasing rejection, discouragement and negativity in the child, thus providing neither a model of what is acceptable nor reinforcing positive behaviour. Adults can provide an environment and model behaviour where infants and toddlers can learn to limit themselves with positive guidance from caregivers. A responsive caregiver will respond to the very young child by developing her acceptable skills and attitudes, and extending her knowledge of the world, while still allowing her to be responsible for her own behaviour.

Psychological principles for very young children

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The psychological principles which apply to understanding children’s behaviour also apply when working with very young children.

1 Democratic relationships require trust, cooperation, respect, equality and shared responsibility

As has been discussed, infants need to believe in their caregiver’s abilities to comfort, reassure and meet their needs, as this develops trust. However, it doesn’t mean that the caregiver must drop everything she is doing the minute a baby cries. The relationship is one of cooperation and mutual respect, so that if the infant hears the caregiver’s calm voice

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Positive interactions wit

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A baby is shown respect by allowing her time for uninterrupted play and exploration

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responding in a manner that gives the message: ‘I can hear you, and it seems like you need something. I’ll be there soon’, then a trusting cooperative relationship is developed and continued. The concept of respect is especially important. An adult’s respect for infants and belief in individual equality of worth is an undeniable influence on the infant’s future lifestyle perception, self-concept formation and relationships with others. Respect means handling and treating the baby in a sensitive manner to indicate your care and affection for the infant. Infants deserve and have a right to be treated as we ourselves wish to be. Respect can be shown by talking, touching and soothing. Infants and toddlers should be allowed to be who and what they want to be, within a secure environment with fair limits. In this way you are showing respect and trust in them as individuals, not trying to force them to be what you want. A baby is shown respect by allowing her time for uninterrupted play and exploration. It is too easy to interrupt babies and just pick them up without a word to change their nappies, wipe their noses and so on. It is appropriate to talk with infants and prepare them for different experiences and routines as you would a toddler or preschooler. A baby has every right to be treated and handled in the same way one would a child who can tell you what she does and doesn’t like. What you can do is convey a responsive message of respect and sensitivity through your voice and manner. It is known that babies comprehend and understand much more than they can communicate, so this can be used to develop an effective and caring relationship.

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2 Encouragement of infants Encouragement comes in the form of body language and verbal communication. Caregivers can respond to infants in a warm manner that is expressed through voice, facial expression and body language. An infant’s good feelings about self are nurtured with gentle voices that can be firm yet caring, and with appreciative looks that show interest and acceptance. If we accept that the discouraged infant becomes the misbehaving child, then the notion of adult encouragement of children beginning from birth is essential.

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Caregivers can use natural voices and interesting language to encourage infants in their positive behaviours, and to provide calm and sensitive environments. Talk which is ‘baby talk’ is unnecessary and simply reinforces a superior-inferior concept. It provides neither appropriate language modelling nor a respect for individual equality. Infants do not need words to be babied, they need to hear natural language used in a simple appropriate manner. Caregivers can further encourage the infant’s development of positive self-concept and acceptable lifestyle perception by using positive communication. So instead of using ‘no’ or ‘don’t’ constantly, the caregiver can let the baby know what she can do, for example, ‘Let’s pick you up and put you over here with these wooden pegs’ instead of ‘Don’t touch the textas’. Positive communication with infants may also be non-verbal – just calmly and respectfully pick the child up and do something. The responsibility rests with the caregiver to provide an environment appropriate to the infant’s stage of development. It should allow her the opportunities for safe exploration without discouragement and feelings of inadequacy. She requires experiences that are challenging yet achievable, with a caregiver who allows her to be independent, but is there when needed. This is discussed in more detail in chapter 16, ‘Age-appropriate planning’. Infants need to feel they are understood and accepted, even when their behaviour is unacceptable. Caregivers can encourage infants into acceptable expression of feelings by showing they understand and by offering alternatives. Acknowledging the feeling the infant has helps her to express and accept her feelings, for example, ‘It seems like you’re feeling really frustrated, Sarah … come and play with the warm water.’ This is discussed fully in chapter 14, ‘Positive communication skills’. Infants very early in life begin to perceive how they belong and gain recognition within a family or group. Hence the importance and use of encouragement, reinforcement and positive communication to help children develop good feelings about themselves.

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3 Responsibility – freedom with order During infancy and toddlerhood in particular, individuals need limits in order to feel secure, to develop trust in people and their environment, and to be safe. Consequently, the democratic approach is appropriate and effective as it allows individuals to have freedom while maintaining limits, and encourages them to begin accepting responsibility for their own behaviour. Again, positive communication is so important as it lets the infant know what she can do, what behaviour is acceptable, where she can do it, and so on. For example when Ahmad is grabbing the wooden pegs to poke Joel in the face, let Ahmad know where and how he can use the pegs by gently but firmly talking to him, and demonstrating how to use them. If he chooses not to use them acceptably, then he may either be offered an alternative piece of equipment or moved to another activity. It is usually necessary for caregivers of infants to maintain limits physically by moving either children, equipment or themselves, because infants have not yet developed skills of responsible behaviour, sharing and understanding consequences.

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4 Purposes of behaviour – family constellation Even young babies’ behaviour is purposive, although a baby who won’t sleep without being nursed may not necessarily be misbehaving but may be expressing a survival need, for example a wet nappy, hunger, frustration and so on. However, as babies mature and learn how they fit into a family or group, the purpose of their behaviour is influenced by their lifestyle perceptions and the response gained from those around them. As discussed in chapter 7, the child’s place in the family will influence that child’s lifestyle perception, so she will come into your care with particular beliefs about herself already formed. The first born or only infant may have many more pressures placed upon her, with expectations of being a ‘wonderchild’, than subsequent children in the family. The last born infant may remain immature and dependent because of family beliefs about wanting the youngest to remain ‘the baby’, and with older siblings to meet her every need, the infant also

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Positive interactions wit

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comes to believe that this is her ‘place’. The middle child, who once held the privileged position of being the youngest, may feel pushed out and rejected by the new infant who has now made her a ‘middle’. Consideration needs to be given to infants’ lifestyle perceptions, because their behaviour will develop into purposive patterns for belonging within a group, based in part on their perceived place in the family. Effective caregivers will respond with encouragement and respect, using appropriate guidelines for infant behaviour. Responsive relationships based on trust, respect, knowledge and sensitivity, with a belief in the equal worth of infants, are what is required for responsible and effective caregiving to infants and toddlers.

Review activities 1

Identify three characteristics of social and personality development which need to be provided for in responsible and sensitive caregiving of infants.

2

Outline the psychological principles which apply to developing effective relationships with infants.

3

Describe two ways a caregiver can use encouragement to help an infant develop feelings of positive self-esteem.

4

Describe the influence that the family constellation may have on an infant’s lifestyle perception.

Activities for further learning 1

Imagine you are in charge of a room with five babies. Two 10-month-old babies are occupied at an activity on the floor but you need to change their nappies. How can you do this in a democratic manner which shows respect for their needs and feelings?

2

Practise using positive verbal and non-verbal communication with babies. Let them know what they can do, how they can do it, where they can do it, and so on.

3

Imagine a parent has just said goodbye and left the centre, and their infant is showing signs of being upset. Identify how you could acknowledge the child’s feelings, through both gentle talk and physical contact.

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Recommended reading Faragher, Joan & McLean, Janet. Children’s Stages of Development: Birth to 2.5 Years. RMIT Publishing, Melbourne 1983 (reprinted 1997). Greenman, Jim & Stonehouse, Anne. Prime Times. Addison Wesley Longman Australia, Melbourne, 1997.

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Stonehouse, Anne. How Does It Feel? AECA, ACT, 1994.

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Positive interactions with young children The concepts of mutual respect, equality, choice, cooperation, acceptance and responsibility are all necessary to develop effective and trusting democratic relationships. These allow children to become independent young people with a positive view of themselves and life, able to contribute to the world around them. As mentioned in chapter 7, the preschool child is in Erikson’s third stage of social–emotional development, where her individual personality is becoming more pronounced and complex feelings are emerging. Her behaviour is very purposeful, investigative and independent, requiring an encouraging and stimulating environment. The preschooler needs to be allowed opportunities to develop her creativity, independence and socialisation. She likes to take turns and share, and is beginning to care about other children’s opinions. She gradually learns what is acceptable through acting out many situations

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in imaginative or dramatic play. She is concerned about adult acceptance, adult approval and receiving attention, in order to obtain the reassurance that she is still loved and still belongs. Feelings are particularly important during the preschool years as children’s emotions are developing and becoming more specific. Young children need to know that they are accepted and respected even though they may be having hurtful or angry feelings. This will be discussed and appropriate caregiving skills to use in response will be described in section 4, ‘Positive communication strategies in a quality environment’.

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Showing acceptance of children The relationships young children form with adults during this period of development serve as a foundation for positive behaviour and strong self-esteem. Preschoolers need to feel good about themselves in order to respect others and behave in socially accepted ways. In other words, an ‘I’m okay – you’re okay’ position is important. Children who feel loved and accepted for who and what they are are more likely to trust and accept other people, thus developing positive relationships. Children who have received messages of ‘You’re not okay’ from caregivers and others around them may believe they are not acceptable as they are now. These children will feel discouraged and may attempt to gain recognition through negative behaviour. For instance, Jackie may misbehave at times but still knows she is accepted and appreciated by the significant people around her. She will thus develop self-respect and self-acceptance, with her cooperation and respect towards others reflecting this attitude. By comparison Debbie, who also misbehaves at times, has received messages from the significant people in her life that she will be valued and accepted only when she becomes different. Debbie will find it difficult to be positive in her attitudes and cooperative towards others. Balson (p. 71) tells of the importance of accepting children for who and what they are. While all children are capable of improvement with

40

Positive interactions wit

h young children

practice, to focus on deficiencies is inappropriate and has a negative compounding effect on a child or adult. Consider how you would feel if someone conveyed to you the message that you are not valued and, as you are, you are not good enough. Unless you are very sure of yourself you are likely to feel even less capable and worthwhile, thus becoming discouraged and lacking belief in your own self (see figure 5.1).

Figure 5.1: The recurring cycle of discouragement

Discouraged children may feel that they just cannot be good enough to be accepted by an adult or group. They may lose faith in their ability to cope with the demands of various situations, and will often feel inadequate, and so turn to negative behaviour. It should be remembered that the basic motivation behind all behaviour is the desire to belong, to be accepted and to be recognised.

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A democratic caregiver will develop a relationship with the preschooler that is based on mutual respect, trust and a belief in each individual’s equal worth. Young children need to be appreciated, encouraged and acknowledged in order to feel accepted and comfortable with themselves. The child who is warmly welcomed as she comes in the door by a responsive caregiver will feel noticed, worthwhile and okay about her place in the group. To develop and improve warm and responsive relationships with children you need to convey a number of things. As described in chapter 2, you can do this through your whole caregiving approach, which will let children know you enjoy being with them. As much as possible you need to be at their level by squatting, kneeling or sitting down. You need to come to know your children as individuals, each with their own special values and needs. An adult who combines warmth, caring and freedom within fair and acceptable limits provides an appropriate model for effective relationships.

The adult’s manner will be warm, open and accepting with a willingness to have close contact with children

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Responsive caregivers will use quiet voices which will be calm, sensitive, reassuring, yet firm and sharp when necessary. Their manner will be warm, open and accepting, with a willingness to have close contact with children at the children’s own level whenever possible. Through this warm, open manner and calm, reassuring voice, caregivers will convey respect, interest, care, acceptance, confidence and trust to their children. They can further extend this in a responsive environment through encouragement and positive guidance.

Encouragement of children Encouragement focuses on the child’s effort or process in doing something, and positive guidance focuses on what the child can do or is doing that is appropriate. Encouragement is aimed at helping children feel good about themselves so that they develop positive self-esteem. It can and should be used at all times, and is critically important to use in instances when children don’t feel on top of things. There is always something positive to encourage, a strength shown, an improvement made, or an effort in an attempt. Encouragement is given for effort and improvement, and focuses on what is being done rather than on the end product. It relies on how the child feels about the process rather than only what is achieved at the end, although it may do both. For example, after Carlo has helped pack away his toys: ‘Carlo, you really put lots of toys away then. It certainly is easier when we can help each other. Thank you.’ Perhaps when Stefan comes and asks you if you like his painting, you could say: ‘It sure looks like you have enjoyed using the red paint today, Stefan’, or ‘How do you feel about it, Stefan?’ Dinkmeyer and McKay (p. 33) describe encouragement as a ‘focus on the assets and strengths of children in order to build their confidence and self esteem’. Encouragement is an important aspect of the development of a cooperative and contributive attitude in children.

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As described in chapter 13, we have to be very careful to distinguish encouragement from praise as each has a different purpose. Praise can be seen as a type of reward given by an approving adult. It is an attempt to motivate children by external rewards or values such as ‘you are so good’ or ‘so pretty’ or ‘I’m very proud of you’. It focuses on the end product rather than on how the child feels about something. Praise can become discouraging and very hard to live up to. For example, children may become concerned as to whether they can always ‘be that good’, ‘be that pretty’, or ‘do that well’. Praise develops a competitive drive in children and makes them want to be the best in order to win approval. So when Nikita finishes her puzzle instead of saying, ‘Good girl’, it would be encouraging to say: ‘It looks like you really enjoyed doing that puzzle today, Nikita.’ It is important to remember that children who are encouraged and feel good about themselves can and do excel, but in a cooperative way rather than at the expense of others. Encouragement is particularly valuable for the over-ambitious child who is desiring to be better than all others and so may set impossibly high goals for herself. Often these children don’t finish things because they assume that they cannot do them as perfectly as they think they should, and they may not turn out to be better than everyone else’s after all.

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Using positive guidance As was stated at the beginning of this chapter, one of the aims of the responsible caregiver should be to help young children develop a positive self-concept, and to feel accepted for who and what they are. The skill of using positive guidance to develop effective relationships with young children expands the growth of children’s positive selfesteem. Caregivers will let children know what is acceptable and what they can do, rather than focusing on what they cannot do. For example, instead of saying: ‘don’t run inside’, say ‘remember to walk inside’ ‘don’t splash the water’, say ‘the water should stay in the trough’ ‘your shoes are on the wrong feet’, say ‘I see you’ve put your shoes on by yourself’, thus focusing on the positive part of the act.

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‘I see you’ve put your shoes on all by yourself.’ The responsive adult will show appreciation for the positive aspects of a child’s behaviour

The effect of concentrating on mistakes is to reinforce the child’s belief that she is incapable or not good enough, and so continues the cycle of discouragement outlined in figure 5.1. We can become so used to criticising children that we actually reinforce inappropriate behaviour by drawing attention to it and then, because this gives recognition, children will repeat it. Caregivers need to centre attention on the things children can do and appreciate them. Responsive and effective caregivers let children know they are appreciated and accepted. They will focus on strengths, recognise efforts, and minimise dwelling on mistakes or insufficiently developed skills.

Review activities 1

Outline the democratic values which are essential to responsive and effective relationships with young children. (These were explained more fully in chapter 2.)

2

Identify why it is particularly important for children in the preschool years to feel accepted and to be comfortable with themselves.

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3

Describe the effects of discouragement on young children.

4

Define and explain what is meant by encouragement.

5

Outline why caregivers should use positive guidance with young children.

Activities for further learning 1

Compose an encouraging response to each of the following situations. Remember to focus on how children feel about themselves and what they are doing. (a) A 3-year-old dresses herself with her jumper back to front, shoes on the wrong feet and socks inside out. (b) A 5-year-old helps you pack away but puts things in the wrong place. (c) An 18-month-old has just used the toilet and her nappy has been dry for hours.

2

Write down and learn some phrases of encouragement to use at appropriate times with your children.

3

Identify situations where you would normally use praise with children. Now write down and use alternative responses which are encouraging and foster positive selfesteem.

Recommended reading Balson, Maurice, Becoming Better Parents, 4th edn, ACER, Melbourne, 1994. Dinkmeyer, Don & McKay, Gary, Systematic Training for Effective Parenting: Parent’s Handbook, AGS, Circle Pines, Minn., 1976. Faragher, Joan. Children’s Development: 3 to 5 Years, RMIT Publishing, Melbourne, 1985 (reprinted 1997). Greenman, Jim & Stonehouse, Anne. Prime Times. Addison Wesley Longman Australia, Melbourne, 1997.

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Stonehouse, Anne. How Does It Feel? AECA, ACT, 1994.

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A quality approach to childcare routines The values outlined as foundation stones in chapter 2 – shared responsibility, equality; cooperation; respect; encouragement; trust – will be part of the program at all times in a quality early childhood environment. Routine and transition times will be planned to achieve the same outcomes in the best interest of the children as any other experiences will be planned for. Infants and young children need to be treated with respect at all times. Adults may like to ‘put themselves in the child’s shoes’ in order to ensure they are doing this appropriately. Caregiving routines are usually times when children receive a relatively long period of one-on-one interaction with an adult. Responsive adults, who really focus on the child during these times, will find the child is not likely to demand as much attention at other times of the day.

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Infants’ daily care routines Avoid responding to the first whimper Be ready to act when appropriate communication is made. Young infants need to develop a sense of trust in their environment, particularly a trust that adults will meet their emotional and physical needs. Responsive adults will listen to infants’ cues, responding appropriately before the baby is upset or distressed. For example, Ella has been crying a particular cry for about thirty seconds, and the caregiver calmly moves over to her cot, gently lifting her out and saying: ‘Good morning, Ella. It looks like you’ve had a lovely sleep. Now we will give you a nappy change to make you feel comfortable again.’

Encourage the infant to work with you in routine tasks Babies enjoy a sense of involvement and control just as older children do. Verbalise to the child what it is you are doing and what you would like her to cooperate with. Thus in the above situation the adult may continue with a gentle voice: ‘I’m going to carry you over to the change table, Ella. Let’s put you down here, and you can help me change your nappy. I’m taking off your wet nappy, and I’m going to put a lovely clean nappy on you. You can lift up your legs ready for me to put your nappy on.’ Together both adult and infant will focus on the task at hand, and be able to enjoy each other’s company.

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Involve the infant in what you are doing during these routine times Even though she may not understand your words, she will certainly interpret the message given by your tone of voice and your body manner. She then is given the message: I like being with you and you are important to me. The message you send at this time will contribute to the infant’s self-esteem, her sense of worth. This will stay with her forever!

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Responsive adults will talk calmly about what they are doing and encourage the infant to cooperate during routines

Daily routines and transitions with young children and preschoolers Young children require a lesser amount of one-on-one time than do infants and toddlers. They are more independent and desire to be more in control of their own care routines. The responsive caregiver will encourage the development of self-help skills in young children. These are important learning and sharing times between children and adults. A positive attitude from adults will assist the child to view the development of these skills as a self-esteem–enhancing achievement. The responsive caregiver will learn to recognize individual needs and respond sensitively to varying requirements of sleeping, toileting and eating. Transition to these routines is often seen by adults as a problem, as not all children within a group will be at the same stage for any of

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these tasks. When a large number of children are carrying out routines together, their tolerance thresholds are lower, the level of excitement and competition is higher, and behaviour is often disruptive. This can be a time of challenging and inappropriate behaviour. A quality early childhood environment will provide for small groups of children during routine times, encouraging cooperation and meeting individual needs. The responsive caregiver will plan for routine times in the same manner as planning for play experiences. Thus children will experience a consistent approach whereby they can learn appropriate social skills.

Treat them as individuals rather than as a group Expecting a group of ten 3-year-olds to go to the bathroom to wash their hands before lunch is asking for trouble. However, with appropriate staff planning, some children will go to the bathroom while others are finishing activities. For example, Kevin, the caregiver in the 3-year-old room, quietly speaks to each of the children individually: ‘Sacha, when you finish your puzzle you can go to the bathroom and wash your hands. Then you can go and help Jodie put the plates on each placemat …’ and so on. When children are treated with equality and respect they are more likely to be cooperative and sociable.

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Use routine times as opportunities for incidental learning experiences Caregivers who recognize that routines are important aspects of overall early childhood planning will enjoy being with the children during these times, rather than being resentful of the time spent on routines. While Sacha and her two friends are helping Jodie put out the lunch plates, Jodie uses the opportunity for a learning experience. ‘Look, Sacha, you’ve put all the yellow plates on this table, and Alex has put red and green plates on that table. I wonder what colour plates Liam will put on the other table?’

Allow more time for routines When children feel rushed during caregiving routines, they are more likely to misbehave. However, care must be also taken to avoid letting

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routine tasks take over the early childhood program. Sometimes children have very little time for extended constructive play between such routines as clearing tables, washing hands, eating snacks, toileting and so on. This is frustrating for children, and it is designed to meet adults’ needs rather than children’s. Responsive caregivers offering quality environments will ensure that they plan for children to have adequate blocks of time available for free play experiences while also using the routines as part of the planned program.

Sleep time

Developing self-help skills during routines

As children mature and require less sleep, the issue of what happens at sleep time can be stressful for adult and child. It is obvious that infants and young toddlers require the consistency of regular, optimum sleeping patterns. Infants’ sleep routines should be according to their need rather than the adult’s need. It is unfortunate that sometimes infants and toddlers are kept awake, for example, until lunch is finished, when they actually needed to go to bed before lunch. Forcing a child’s caregiving routines to fit in with childcare centre routines does not allow for individual needs, and is inappropriate in a quality early childhood environment. Responsive caregivers will understand and anticipate infant and toddler needs, being perceptive to both verbal and non-verbal cues. For example, when Jill notices 14-month-old Angus looking at books with his eyes slowly closing, then jolting his head up, she guides him towards an early nap on that day. ‘Angus, it looks like you are really tired today. I know it is not sleep time yet, because we haven’t even had lunch, have we? I’m going to find a quiet place to put your mattress, and you can lie down there and quietly look at this story.’ She gently picks him up, sets up the mattress and allows him to meet his body’s need for sleep. Although this small interaction means that Angus will sleep through lunch time, the adults will find it is much less stressful for all concerned to provide this opportunity for the program to flow according to individual needs.

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Responsive caregivers will be clear about their expectations of sleep time and will convey this to children in a gentle yet firm manner. Even though each child is different, all very young children need a period of rest during the day. The manner in which adults expect rest to occur will be influenced by their own beliefs about sleep time. Some adults will insist that children stay on their beds quietly falling off to sleep. Others will encourage children to have a small book with them, and allow them to rest quietly without disturbing others. There will also be some adults who are more encouraging of children developing their own routine, whether it is some quiet music before a nap or just sitting on a bed with a puzzle. Each of these strategies is appropriate, providing it is consistent with individual needs. Other strategies which may make the sleep time routine easier for adults and children are:

1 Prepare the environment to be conducive to relaxation and sleep. Furniture may need to be rearranged to allow visual blocking of mattresses or areas where the children will sleep. It is easier for young children to relax into sleep when there are few distractions.

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2 Prepare the children for sleep time. Responsive adults give children

the message that ‘Now we are moving into rest time’. When Michelle plans the weekly program for the 3-year-olds, she always plans for preparation for sleep. A ritual is developed whereby children know what to expect and are guided into quiet time by the change in the environment rather than being told about it. For example, Michelle will begin playing some quieter music while children are having their lunch. Children come to lunch as they are ready, after completing their morning activities. Michelle provides the opportunity by means of a smorgasbord lunch for each child to eat as much lunch as they would like. As individual children finish lunch they are encouraged to walk quietly to the bathroom to wash their hands and prepare for a nap. Using a calm, quiet voice Michelle will say: ‘Felix, it looks like you’ve had enough to eat. You can either sit for a bit longer while your friend Marlee finishes his lunch, or you can walk quietly to the bathroom now. Emma is waiting in the bathroom if you need some help with taking off your shoes.’ This is the routine children are accustomed to and feel secure

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in. The responsive adult will allow the child to feel in control within the known limits, as was illustrated in figure 2.1. For example, Felix was able to sit and wait for his friend or he could go quietly and independently to the bathroom.

3 Consistently

use a regular ritual. As described above, young children respond well to the consistency of knowing what is about to happen. For example, when the quiet music comes on and adult voices are lowered, that means naptime is close and they can independently prepare themselves for it. This will encourage young children towards independence in self-help skills.

4 Avoid letting children become overtired. Even though responsive caregivers will follow regular routines, there will be times when individual children have different needs from the norm, as was shown in the incident with Angus in the introduction to this section.

5 Ensure

6

that young children have maximum opportunities for outdoor activities and constructive play. As the reader will be aware, children require sunlight, fresh air and exercise in order for appropriate development to occur. Having fresh air and exercise also assists children with their sleep routines. Be firm, yet respectful about quiet time. Once children are settled in bed, responsive adults will give each child acknowledgement that it is now rest/sleep time. Some children will continue to demand attention after this, which should be ignored if possible as is outlined in chapter 9, ‘Identifying the goals of misbehaviour’. Avoid reacting to the demands, but quietly give the child a choice. Note also that children who are given attention at other times when they are not demanding it are less likely to continue with negative behaviour. For example: ‘Alice, I can’t let you keep calling out because you are disturbing children who want to sleep. When you need to go to the toilet, you can either whisper to me, or you can just walk very quietly to the bathroom and do wee all by yourself.’ Or, to a child who continues to call out people’s names, ‘James, it looks like you are not ready for a sleep, but lots of other children are. You can either lie here quietly and look at this book with photos of all your friends, or you can sit quietly on the bean bag in the book area. I won’t let you wake other children, though.’

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7 Use encouragement to improve behaviour. Promote independence

and a sense of worth by giving children encouraging feedback about their sleep time. For example: ‘James, it seems like you enjoyed lying quietly looking at those photos. I bet you feel really ready for a play now that you’ve had a lovely rest.’

As can be seen, quality early childhood environments will provide children with different options for carrying out routines. Responsive adults will be clear about their beliefs and expectations regarding routines, ensuring that each child’s needs are met in a respectful manner.

Meal times As with sleep patterns, the issue of eating should be according to the child’s need, rather than the adult’s need. Forcing a child to eat a meal because it happens to be lunchtime or because it fits in best with the cook is inappropriate and also does not allow for individual eating patterns. Most children want to eat. If foods are served in an attractive manner with some limited choices, with children being encouraged to serve themselves, then children will eat according to their individual needs. It is essential for adults to avoid being caught up in a power struggle with young children over food. The reader will be aware of the issue of power and control described in chapter 9, ‘Identifying goals of misbehaviour’. When a young child whose goal is power sees that food is a significant issue for the adult, then the child is likely to attempt to use food as a tool for control. You might find the following strategies useful. Involve children in decision-making about meal times. Responsive caregivers may be able to ask the cook to come into their room to discuss with preschoolers the menu they would like for the coming week. For example Jill, the caregiver responsible for the 4-yearolds, found that some of her young preschoolers were becoming very fussy about what they would eat. Jill decided to have a group meeting with the children and asked Sandie, the cook, to be involved also. They had discussions with about eight children at a time, involving them in a selection of meals for the following five days. Sandie set the limits regarding the type of meals, and the children very excitedly discussed it. ‘Sandie is coming in today so that we can

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talk about the meals we will have for lunch tomorrow and the next day,’ said Jill. ‘Let’s have a board to put our ideas on.’ Each child was able to offer their thoughts on likes and dislikes, and together with Sandie they planned a weekly menu. Jill found that all children were enthusiastic about meal times from then on. The children had been involved in decision-making and felt empowered.

2 Offer attractive, tasty food with a limited choice. Children like to

feel in control of their decisions regarding food and will respond positively to a small selection of choices. For example, there may be rye bread or wholemeal bread sandwiches. Perhaps there is a selection of cooked or raw vegetables for the child to choose.

3 Allow children to serve themselves. From a very early age, usually

about 18 months or earlier, responsive adults will encourage children to serve themselves from either a single platter of selected choices or from a number of platters each with a different selection. Children then learn the self-help skills necessary for social and emotional development. Responsive adults will teach children to choose the type of food and the quantity they think they can eat. Always encourage children to take small amounts and come back for more if they wish. This is less daunting than coping with a large amount of food on the plate. If adults find some children refusing to cooperate in this way, then avoid being involved in a power struggle. For example: ‘Emily, you can either choose small amounts of mashed potato and peas by yourself, or I can come and do it for you.’ Most children, unless their goal is assumed inadequacy, will elect to do this for themselves (see chapter 9, ‘Identifying goals of misbehaviour’). When children are too young to serve themselves, then the responsive adult will serve them a small portion of food, encouraging them to have more after that is finished rather than an overwhelming amount to start with. This avoids power struggles.

4 Plan for meal- and snack times to be pleasant social occasions. In

a quality early childhood environment, the room will be set up to accommodate flexible self-serve snack times. Young children can then choose when they will have their snack and with whom, providing them with excellent opportunities for prosocial behaviour.

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Plan for meal and snack times to be pleasant social occasions

A quality early childhood environment will provide opportunities for adults and children to work together on developing strategies that have the best outcomes for them. As in developing all caregiving routines, much of what the adult does is based on his or her beliefs. Responsive adults will develop an approach with the values of SECRET and a knowledge of early childhood development as the foundation.

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Review activities 1

Outline at least three aspects of daily care for an infant when adults can involve the infant in the routine process.

2

Describe the message you are sending an infant when you use a calm voice and warm body language.

3

Identify at least three aspects of daily care of young children that are observed in a high-quality environment.

4

Describe at least three mealtime strategies that will be observed in a high-quality environment.

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Activities for further learning 1

What can an adult do to ensure that an infant is being treated with respect?

2

Prepare a plan of the toddler’s room at meal time showing the room set up to ensure that mealtime is a pleasant social occasion.

3

Outline a plan for preparation for sleep or quiet time for preschool-age children.

4

Discuss your own beliefs regarding children’s meal and sleep routines. How do they fit in with those outlined for a high-quality environment?

Recommended reading St John-Robb, Vivienne. Programming for Infants and Toddlers: Group Care. Lady Gowrie Child Centre, Adelaide, 1998. Stanton, Rosemary. Food for Under Fives. Allen & Unwin, Sydney, 1990. Stonehouse, Anne. How Does It Feel? AECA, ACT, 1994.

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ns: o ti a d n u fo e th n o g in d Buil having a framework for guidance In understanding and planning a quality early childhood environment, it is necessary for us to have some knowledge of the psychological principles behind children’s behaviour. Most behaviour has a social purpose and is motivated by the need to belong, to be accepted and to contribute. It is important that infants and young children feel they belong, and in these early years children will discover how to gain acceptance and recognition. Children do not grow up in isolation. All behaviour, language, play, emotions and skills are learned and developed in social situations like home, childcare centres, kindergartens and schools. Children’s behaviour can best be explained when viewed within these social settings. With this knowledge, caregivers are able to establish a framework of understanding, and will respond appropriately to guide children’s behaviour in a positive manner. Included in this section: • an introduction to child development and psychological principles • understanding the purposes of behaviour • identifying goals of misbehaviour.

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ment p lo e v e d d il h c to n o ti An introduc and psychological principles Individual Psychology The theory of Individual Psychology is based on the theories of Alfred Adler, a pioneer in personality development. It recognises people as active decision-makers, as purposeful and goal-oriented individuals, relatively free to determine their own behaviour. The basic motivation behind all behaviour is the desire to belong, to be accepted and to contribute. With this basic motivation in mind, behaviour should be viewed within the social setting. Children do not grow up in isolation. All behaviour such as language, play, emotion and skills are learned and developed in social situations such as the home, the day-care centre, kindergarten and school. With this understanding, the caregiver can learn to respond appropriately in order to communicate with and guide children in a cooperative, respectful manner. A child perceives herself as belonging according to the responses she has gained from the significant

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caregivers in her life. This will be discussed in more detail in chapters 8 and 9 when we look at identifying and understanding the purposes of children’s positive and negative behaviour. Even the most antisocial behaviour is an expression by children of their means of finding a place in the family or group. It is based on the mistaken or faulty belief that they cannot belong through constructive or acceptable means. The effective caregiver will recognise the importance of children’s sense of belonging and help children to feel good about themselves within the group or family. For example, the caregiver could greet each child or baby individually as they come into care, encourage (not praise) their acceptable behaviours and efforts, offer opportunities for each child to help in the program and with routines (table setting, saying names for going to the bathroom, choosing the story, picking flowers for vases), and show appreciation for their help.

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Erikson’s stages of development Erikson (1963) in his book Childhood and Society outlined and discussed the development of socialisation and personality. He identified eight stages through which all normal human behaviour progresses, with the first three relating to the early childhood years. Children develop in a predictable sequence of stages where a certain learned behaviour comes before another. Each of Erikson’s stages is presented as the child’s basic personality decision about their perception of themselves in their environment, which as individuals they resolve by observing and experiencing the world around them. • Infants: in general terms are considered to be between the ages of newborn to approximately 18 months. Infancy is the time when a baby is establishing trust in people and the environment. Babies need to feel safe in a loving, nurturing situation where they know that if they are hungry, they will be fed; if they are lonely, they will be comforted; if they are in danger, they will be rescued. Babies are also learning to trust themselves and objects in their environment, so that they themselves may begin to pull their special blanket up to their face or to find comfort from their thumbs. The infant is beginning to see her world as a friendly, trustworthy place.

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• Toddlers: refers to children who normally are mobile and aged between about 18 months and 3 years. A toddler is developing into an individual trying to gain independence and autonomy. Toddlers desire to do things on their own, for they have already learned to trust through the nurturing and love of infancy. Their sense of self is developing, and they will insist on doing everything for themselves, although they may still be unsure of their skills and abilities. The toddler is desiring independence but still wants someone secure there for her. • Preschoolers: are usually considered to be between the ages of 3 and 5 years. The term preschool is an early childhood description, which carries no implication that a child of this age is necessarily attending a preschool or any other program ‘pre’ a formal school education. A preschooler is becoming a creative and imaginative individual whose independence and trust now allows broader relationships and ideas. Imaginative play becomes very important to preschoolers because day-to-day situations can be acted out and they can imitate adults. Preschoolers need friends and really do desire to please the adults and children they care about. The preschooler is beginning to learn of her independence and influence within her environment.

Adults will show appreciation for a toddler’s independence and help with routines

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Successful development through each of these stages in turn leads to the formation of a healthy person with a positive self-concept and lifestyle perception. It is important for the development of infants’ and young children’s positive feelings about themselves, their selfconcept and associated positive behaviours that caregivers find appropriate ways to provide for these stages through interaction and play. Effective caregivers will have appropriate expectations for the social and emotional stages young children are in and will respond accordingly. Through effective communication and sensitive guidance, the caregiver will stimulate children into desirable developmental and behavioural patterns. The caregiver will use methods based on mutual respect, cooperation, trust, shared responsibility and social equality.

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Lifestyle perception Each child develops a unique pattern of behaviour which becomes their personality and part of their lifestyle. To understand children we must be aware of their lifestyle perception and the factors which contribute to its formation. Lifestyle is influenced by factors such as the child’s desire to belong and the child’s place in the family constellation; that is, the birth order of each child in the family. The development of a unique style of life begins at birth as infants seek to understand their world and their relationship to it. Young children operate on a trial and error basis, evaluating each activity in terms of their own perception of its consequences. By the time children are about 5 or 6 years old, this lifestyle perception becomes stable. This then produces their interpretation of their relationship with their social environment. However, young children do not always see reality as it is and so draw incorrect conclusions. For example, an only child, Cindy, is told how fortunate she is because they are going to have a new baby, so she looks forward to playing, cuddling and so on. When the new baby arrives he takes up much of Mummy’s time and always seems to be crying. Cindy tries to claim attention but begins to feel left out and may incorrectly believe that she is not valued as much as the new baby.

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Mike, aged 5, always brings his drawings and paintings home from day care to show Daddy. Daddy picks out the recognisable ‘good’ work and makes a fuss of Mike for it. Mike gradually brings home less and less creative work because he believes that Daddy values him only when he produces ‘good’ work, and he cannot do that all the time. Mike may eventually develop a belief that he is worthwhile only when he can be the best. We all need to feel we are recognised or that we count. The need is there at birth and the process of fulfilling that need begins immediately. In infancy, lifestyle beliefs begin to emerge through the process already outlined of trial and error of what works or what is valued in this particular family. This may lead to children within a family developing opposing characteristics and skills because of each one’s desire to be recognised as special, and feeling unable to be accepted in areas where a brother or sister excels. This typical family constellation with children showing opposing characteristics is represented in figure 7.1. First child • • •

desire to ‘be good’ responsible, reliable will endeavour to remain ‘first’ in all ways

Middle child • • •

feels ‘squeezed’ develops opposite characteristics to first born life is ‘unfair’ or may topple first born

Second born • • •

strives to keep up with first tries to achieve and impress life changes when new baby comes

Only child • •

combination of first born and youngest expects to be special

Youngest • • •

expects others to like them and do things for them social, doesn’t like responsibility ‘I am entitled’

Figure 7.1: A typical family constellation

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e work for guidanc a frame ndations: having Building on the fou

As can be seen, children see themselves as belonging and being accepted in the family or group from their own personal perceptions developed from their experiences. The consequences of their lifestyle perception for some children is that they believe they are acknowledged only when displaying certain behaviours that have been reinforced or rewarded, giving them a sense of belonging. Acceptable and unacceptable behaviours which offer children a feeling of importance, recognition and belonging will be continued even though unacceptable behaviours are usually punished. Once a lifestyle pattern begins to develop, infants and young children will cease to act randomly, and their behaviour can be related to achieving a sense of belonging in either a positive or negative way. In our society, certain lifestyles are common, and children’s behaviour can be broadly categorised as follows: • Contribution: wanting to contribute and be involved in the group • Responsibility: being willing to accept responsibility and autonomy • Cooperation: interested in cooperating and being fair with others in the group. The above behaviours indicate that the child feels she belongs and is recognised for her positive behaviours. These behaviours are reinforced and encouraged so she has no need for developing consistent patterns of misbehaviour. A categorisation of negative behaviours is: • Attention: seeking to keep people busy with inappropriate attention • Power: wanting to be in control and superior or bossy in relationships • Revenge: needing to hurt or get back at others. • Assumed inadequacy: assuming an attitude of being unable or incapable. Consistent behaviours such as these indicate that children have developed mistaken ideas about their lifestyles in gaining recognition for misbehaviour and negative actions. In chapter 8, ‘The purposes of behaviour’, readers will be able to identify which behaviours children are showing, and learn appropriate responses to encourage children’s positive lifestyle beliefs.

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If you can help children towards this, you will have achieved an incredibly important function. You will have contributed towards the development of responsible and reliable individuals, who have good feelings about themselves, who trust others around them, and who are able to function effectively in cooperative social relationships. Infants and young children do want and need you to like them, to respect them, to encourage them and to recognise them as an accepted member of your group or family.

Review activities 1

Explain Adler’s concept of the basic motivation behind behaviour.

2

Describe lifestyle perception and identify two factors which influence it.

3

Identify the four broad categories which can best describe purposes of negative behaviour.

4

Describe the personality issues of infants and young children as identified by Erikson for the period of development 0–6 years.

Activities for further learning 1

Consider your own schooldays and identify classmates who you believed received acknowledgement or recognition as belonging to a group through inappropriate behaviour, in terms of the four goals of negative behaviour. For instance, the ‘class clown’ may have felt she belonged by keeping others busy with her comic attention-seeking behaviour.

2

Identify your own family constellation and describe how you felt about your place in the family.

3

Discuss the concept of family constellation with a group of people, then divide the group into three according to their place in the family – eldest, middle, youngest. Each small group is to identify at least five characteristics that apply to the upbringing of the people in that group, for example, responsible, spoilt, unfairly treated and so on. Return to the large group and share ideas. Consider how these ideas will apply to the children with whom you interact.

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Recommended reading Balson, Maurice, Becoming Better Parents, 4th edn, ACER, Melbourne, 1994. Dinkmeyer, Don, McKay, Gary & Dinkmeyer, James, Parenting Young Children, AGS, Circle Pines, Minn., 1989 Erikson, Erik H., Childhood and Society, Penguin Books, London, 1963.

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Rodd, Jillian. Understanding Young Children’s Behaviour. Allen & Unwin, Sydney, 1996.

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The purposes of behaviour

Individual Psychology recognises people as active decision-makers, as purposeful and goal-oriented individuals, relatively free to determine their own behaviour. Alfred Adler has said that the basic motivation behind all behaviour is the desire to belong, to be accepted, and to contribute. As outlined in chapter 7, ‘An introduction to child development and psychological principles’, children perceive themselves as belonging according to the responses that they gain from significant caregivers at home, day-care centre, family day care, kindergarten and school. For instance, Jodie, aged 21⁄2 years, has been in child care for six weeks, and the caregivers have tried to help her feel comfortable about her new surroundings. At times Jodie plays quietly and so is left alone by the adults. However, most of the time Jodie whimpers and grizzles, so she is picked up or given attention in some other way.

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If we reflect on this situation from an Alderian viewpoint, it can be seen that Jodie’s positive behaviour, her quiet play, is not gaining her any recognition, yet her negative behaviour of whimpering gains a response from the caregivers. Jodie’s caregivers unintentionally ignore her positive behaviour, taking notice of her and giving reassurance only at negative times. Responsive caregivers will greet Jodie at the door, then perhaps sit with her at activities for a short time, providing reassurance and comfort at times when Jodie is not demanding it. The caregiver may calmly and gently say, ‘Jodie, it’s really nice having you at our centre. It looks like you’re enjoying sitting with Sam and me doing this puzzle.’ This reinforces a positive belief that Jodie is able to belong and gain recognition through appropriate behaviours. Not all behaviour is negative and not all children show inappropriate behaviours. When children feel loved, valued and respected, they love, value and respect themselves and other people in return. When children are discouraged, they are more likely to misbehave, so it is the caregiver’s responsibility to encourage and respond to positive behaviour.

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The goals of positive behaviour Figure 8.1: Understanding lifestyle perceptions – socially acceptable behaviour, illustrates how the basic social motivation of the desire to belong can be reinforced through children’s positive and acceptable behaviour being encouraged by caregivers. Unfortunately, when children display acceptable behaviours such as sharing or helping, adults often take them for granted. This figure shows how responsive caregivers will identify the child’s belief about belonging, for example ‘I belong by contributing’, and will recognise acceptable behaviour, such as ‘helping, participating’. The caregiver will reinforce this behaviour through the approaches described, for example ‘show appreciation of children’s behaviour’, thus facilitating the child’s need for recognition through socially acceptable goals.

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The purposes of behavi

our

I belong by contributing

I belong by being responsible

Behaviour of child: • helps • volunteers • cooperates

Behaviour of child: • shows self-discipline • accepts and works within limits • uses initiative

Adult can: • let the child know that s/he is appreciated as s/he is • show the child that s/he is enjoyed as a contributing group member

Adult can: • encourage child to be involved in decision-making process • help decide on limits and consequences • express confidence in the child

I belong I belong by cooperating

I belong by being fair

Behaviour of child: • plays and works effectively with others • able to share at appropriate times • is interested in cooperating

Behaviour of child: • returns kindness for hurt • ignores vengeful behaviour • withdraws from inappropriate conflict

Adult can: • encourage all group members to work with one another rather than compete against one another

Adult can: • encourage child’s attitude by showing appreciation • provide a model of ‘fairness’

Figure 8.1: Understanding lifestyle perceptions – socially acceptable behaviour

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Contribution Children wanting attention, as all infants and children do, are able to gain it from being involved and contributing to the group or from interactive and reciprocal play with adults. When young children offer to help or are able to contribute to play, they are displaying a positive belief about themselves, that is: ‘I can belong and get recognition from contributing’. Responsive caregivers will encourage this positive behaviour by letting the children know they are appreciated and valued, and by giving them time. For instance, Marcus, 21⁄2 years old, tells the family day caregiver that he will ‘help set the table’. Understanding and acknowledging his need for attention, the caregiver responds: ‘Thank you, Marcus. That will really help me to get lunch things ready for everyone today’, thus encouraging and appreciating the positive, contributive behaviour from Marcus.

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Responsibility Likewise, young children whose purpose is to control and have power may be able to demonstrate this through acceptable responsible behaviours. Given the appropriate environment these children are able to show self-discipline, believing that they can be responsible for their own decisions and behaviour within the limits of the group. Responsive caregivers, aware of the purposes of behaviour, will recognise this goal in children and encourage them to be involved in making decisions. Thus the caregiver is expressing confidence in their ability to solve problems and become independent. For example, Sally, aged 3 years, needs to feel she has some control and independence in her life. Fortunately, she has a responsive caregiver, James, who is aware of this, otherwise Sally and James may have found themselves constantly in power struggles. James has set limits, yet allows Sally to make her own choices within these limits whenever possible, so that Sally is developing responsibility and independence. For instance, James may ask: ‘Where would you like to sit for lunch today, Sally? At Andrew’s table or Jane’s table?’ or ‘Sally, you need to put on a smock to do a finger painting. Would you like to choose the red smock or the blue smock?’ Through incidental situations such as these, Sally is able to believe that she is recognised as having acceptable control over many aspects of her environment. With this encouragement Sally’s behaviour will continue to be positive.

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The purposes of behavi our

Cooperation Joachim, a 4-year-old, is cooperating with other children and trying to resolve problem situations rather than retaliating. The responsive caregiver will be aware that Joachim’s positive behaviour indicates his purpose is to belong or be socially accepted through being fair, rather than being vengeful. Joachim’s caregiver may notice that he attempts to share when playing with other children and will think of solutions to problems. For instance, Joachim and Patrick are building together in the block area. Joachim comments: ‘Patrick, you could put your block there, and I’ll add more here … then we’ll make a garage that is bigger.’ Later, Patrick hits out and argues that Joachim is using the black car that he wants. Joachim replies: ‘What if I use the red one and you use the black one? We’ll drive around the garage and then we can swap’, instead of hitting back at Patrick. The responsive caregiver will encourage Joachim’s appropriate behaviour and let him know she appreciates his cooperation and fairness. For example, the caregiver may respond: ‘Joachim, thank you for sharing with Patrick. Isn’t it good when we can work together?’

Adults will encourage appropriate cooperation by children

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Withdrawal from inappropriate conflict Children who are able to withdraw at inappropriate times, such as during vengeful conflicts or physical aggression, are demonstrating their increasing maturity with positive behaviour. These children have come to recognise the importance of ‘standing back’ from conflicts while learning to communicate their feelings verbally in difficult situations. For instance, Melissa, 6 years of age, is playing outside with three other children at family day care. Sandy wants Melissa to skip with her, but Melissa won’t, so Sandy pushes her over. Melissa quietly responds: ‘Sandy, that hurts me when you push me. I don’t feel like skipping right now but I might later.’ Responsive caregivers will themselves provide appropriate models for conflict resolution. By acknowledging feelings through reflective listening, caregivers will encourage appropriate expression of feelings, thus helping children and adults feel reassured and accepted.

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Review activities 1

Describe what is meant by ‘the basic motivation behind all behaviour is the desire to belong’.

2

Outline how a child’s belief about belonging may influence her behaviour.

3

Identify the four categories of positive behaviour. Describe how a responsive caregiver will reinforce this behaviour.

Activities for further learning 1

Describe the positive goals and behaviours you are observing in children and adults around you.

2

Identify some techniques you could use to reinforce positive behaviour and write them down to remember for later use.

3

Consider your own lifestyle beliefs and the goals of positive behaviour in yourself.

Recommended reading Biddulph, Steve, The Secret of Happy Children, Bay Books, Sydney, 1988. Dinkmeyer, Don & McKay, Gary, Systematic Training for Effective Parenting: Parent’s Handbook, AGS, Circle Pines, Minn., 1976. Rodd, Jillian. Understanding Young Children’s Behaviour. Allen & Unwin, Sydney, 1996.

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As described in chapter 8, children are purposeful and goal-oriented individuals who need to feel accepted and to belong. The responses that children receive from people around them in the home, day-care centre, family day care, kindergarten and school will influence their beliefs about how they belong. Responsive caregivers will encourage children to gain recognition through positive behaviours.

Misbehaviour in children Anti-social behaviour and misbehaviour are children’s expressions of their ways of seeking a place in the family or group, based on the mistaken belief that they cannot belong through constructive, cooperative or acceptable means.

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e work for guidanc a frame ndations: having Building on the fou

Reflect again on the example given at the beginning of chapter 8. Jodie, aged 21⁄2 years, is left alone when she is playing quietly, yet when she whimpers and grizzles she is picked up and given attention. Jodie is beginning to use this behaviour constantly now, so her quiet periods of play are less frequent. Being unsuccessful in her subconscious attempts to belong in positive ways, Jodie has become discouraged and has learned through trial and error that she will gain recognition from negative behaviour. According to Adlerian psychology, Jodie is developing a mistaken lifestyle belief that she belongs by behaving negatively. Rudolf Dreikurs extended these Adlerian concepts and has presented a framework in which to understand negative behaviour by identifying four broad categories of typical misbehaviour. These categories represent what children want to happen based on their social motivation of belonging. Young children are not usually aware of the purposes of their behaviour; however, they recognise that some actions bring reinforcement of belonging and acceptance, while others do not. Children quickly learn to repeat behaviour which appears to be successful or which works for them. The four broad categories of typical misbehaviour identified are goals of attention, power, revenge and assumed inadequacy. Not all negative behaviour is intentional misbehaviour. One must consider young children’s developmental stages of understanding, ability to cope and skill acquisition. In section 5, ‘Creating a quality environment for behaviour management’, further descriptions of realistic expectations are included. What is essential from infancy onwards is that the significant people in children’s lives respond to their behaviour in ways appropriate for encouraging positive behaviours, allowing children to feel accepted in this way. For example, 14-month-old Samuel may be a happy, contented child who demands little adult attention. One day he is frustrated by Shona, 18 months old, sitting close to him and pulling his toys from him, so Samuel bites Shona. Not only does he gets a loud reaction from her but also the adults in the room create a commotion about it. It may be that the next time Samuel wants attention he will again try this behaviour that caused such a reaction, even though he may have been punished for it. Thus, through repeated instances, young children’s troublesome behaviour may become misbehaviour.

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Identifying goals of mis

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The essential aspect in all of this is the reaction from those around children. If caregivers respond in a calm, low-key manner then children receive minimal or no reinforcement of their negative behaviour. So using the same example and the skills that will be discussed in sections 4 and 5, Samuel could have been quietly moved to a different activity which would appropriately allow him to take out his frustrations. The responsive and effective caregiver will be able to identify the purposes of children’s behaviour from the feeling evoked by the behaviour, and will learn to respond in ways that will encourage children to gain recognition through acceptable means.

Attention

The four goals of misbehaviour

Three-year-old Ali needs to feel she belongs in the group at her early childhood centre. The sensitive caregiver responsible for Ali recognises this need in all the children. She deliberately and intentionally greets all children by name as they enter in the morning, and makes a positive comment about having them there. So the caregiver may say to Ali: ‘Hello, Ali. It’s great to see you today … Your red ribbon is just the same colour as that fire engine puzzle over there … Would you like to go and have a look?’ Later that morning while Ali is busy playing with two or three other children, the caregiver may go over to the group and say: ‘Isn’t it good when you can work together and make buildings like this? … Ali, I like the way you’ve made …’ Thus all children feel noticed and accepted. They know that they belong and gain attention through acceptable behaviours because of the caregiver’s responsive attention. However, because of past reinforcement and perceptions, some children believe that in order to gain recognition or to be accepted they need to be the focus of attention or the one who is demanding service. Adults’ responses to inappropriate attention-seeking behaviour usually reinforce the child’s belief that this should be the pattern of her behaviour and the way to be part of the group. For example, Jeevika, aged 20 months, is sitting with two other children and a caregiver playing with manipulative activities. A typical almost-2-year-old, Jeevika enjoys being noticed and likes to have the caregiver’s attention.

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She has made a small tower and says: ‘Look, look’, but the caregiver is talking with another child just then. Within seconds Jeevika has quietly but deliberately pinched the third child in the group. The caregiver speaks to Jeevika, and she continues with her play. A short time later Jeevika pokes the same child, and again is reprimanded. A child displaying unacceptable behaviour to achieve the goal of attention has learnt that this usually gets her what she wants. She knows that if she keeps interrupting your story you will remind her, coax her, implore her to sit quietly, and she may for 30 seconds, but she has already had her misbehaviour reinforced through your coaxing. Instead, if she had either been ignored, or given an ‘I’ message or a choice about her continuing disruptive behaviour, she could then have experienced the consequences without gaining undue attention. These techniques will be described further in sections 3, 4 and 5. As is shown in the figure on p. 83, behaviour that is directed towards achieving this goal usually produces feelings of frustration and annoyance in adults, and hence we respond and reinforce inappropriately. We all need attention, and children need help to develop positive and appropriate ways of gaining attention by being encouraged and appreciated when cooperating and contributing acceptably.

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Power Children seek power as well as attention, as this gives them a sense of control over their environment. Consistent negative behaviour directed towards the goal of power occurs when previous inappropriate actions have been reinforced by others fighting with children about the behaviour, or giving in to children. For instance, 2-year-old Robbie does not want to put his shoes on for going outside on a cold day. The caregiver knows that it is important for Robbie to have something on his feet when outside, so she might offer Robbie a choice: ‘Robbie, you can either put your shoes on and play outside, or you may stay inside and help Jenny put out the beds.’ The caregiver might make a game of putting on Robbie’s shoes; alternatively she might simply insist that he puts his shoes on and comes outside, causing Robbie to throw a tantrum. Or she might just give in, leaving Robbie to do as he wishes. In any case, Robbie is involving his caregiver in a power struggle and is learning that power is his way of belonging here.

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Identifying goals of mis

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Adults will give ‘power’ children choices within limits to assist their sense of acceptable control

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Children whose behaviour fits into this category are those who wish to control and be the boss, which may be fine if this goal is achieved through acceptable means. However, the child who behaves unacceptably is learning to have her goal reinforced in this way. This child believes that because certain behaviours have worked in the past for her, the way for her to belong to the group is by being the boss. She may throw a tantrum to show she is boss or she may simply refuse to cooperate. In either situation she is likely to cause the caregiver to feel angry and want to be involved in a power struggle. It is important to avoid becoming involved as it serves to reinforce the child’s belief that this is how to gain recognition and acceptance. The ‘power’ child needs to be given opportunities for decisionmaking from responsible choices at appropriate times. When behaviour is inappropriate, withdraw from the contest. Later use guidance methods to reinforce acceptable behaviour such as offering choices, allowing the child to experience consequences, acknowledging the child’s feelings, redirecting the child or using ‘I’ messages, as described in section 4, ‘Positive communication strategies in a quality environment’.

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Revenge Misbehaviour that has revenge as its purpose is a more complex emotional goal not normally seen in infants, but it may begin evolving during early childhood. This is usually displayed by children who are feeling discouraged and angry at someone or something. This child behaves in a way that shows she wants to hurt others the way she feels hurt or to retaliate at someone, even though her behaviour may be directed at someone or something different. For instance, 5-year-old Kathy has become discouraged and is displaying a considerable amount of negative behaviour. Her parents are angry and frustrated, and are continually getting cross. Through past reinforcement Kathy believes that she gains recognition when getting back at, or hurting, other people. When Kathy’s Dad takes her to the day-care centre and Dan, the caregiver, greets her at the door, Kathy turns around, kicks Dan and says: ‘I hate you, Dan’, stamping over to another caregiver and making Dan feel distressed and guilty.

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Her purpose is to hurt, and in the past she has gained distressed or guilty responses to her behaviour, which of course reinforces her goal. In order to help her change her behaviour caregivers need to avoid being hurt or feeling guilty, thus not reinforcing her belief that she is belonging to the group or being noticed by showing revenge. The ‘revenge’ child needs to be given lots of opportunities to feel good about herself and by which she is encouraged. Her feelings need to be acknowledged, as is described in section 4, and inappropriate behaviour redirected without its being given undue attention. When children like this are in their care, caregivers need support and encouragement from their peers in order not to feel hurt and discouraged.

Assumed inadequacy As with children displaying the goal of revenge, these young children are usually feeling very discouraged and have low self-esteem. This goal of assumed inadequacy is not normally seen in infants. Because of past reinforcement, they believe they belong through gaining attention and recognition by being unable and incapable. In other words, they have discovered that by withdrawing from responsibilities or participation, they can in fact avoid effort, yet still gain attention because people will pity them and hence do things for them. For example, Mario, aged 5 years, is asked to put on his tracksuit ready to go outside. Mario simply stands beside his bed looking at his tracksuit. He may attempt to put his legs into the pants, but if his goal is assumed inadequacy you can be sure he won’t succeed. The pitying adult may come over feeling disappointed that Mario ‘can’t’ put his clothes on, and will quickly do it for him. However, the responsive caregiver will be aware that Mario is able to dress himself given time and encouragement. She puts Mario’s tracksuit out and calmly says that children who are dressed will be able to go outside for afternoon tea. She does not expect perfection in his dressing and encourages his efforts. It is wrong of adults to reinforce this mistaken belief by accepting a child’s consistent inability or withdrawal. When a child is displaying this goal, the adult tends to feel as if the child really is hopeless, helpless and unable. Instead, adults need to offer encouragement, avoid doing things for the child that she could do herself, for example,

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feeding and dressing, and ensure that they are providing experiences and challenges appropriate to that child’s level. This child needs help to start feeling good about herself again. If caregivers genuinely believe that a child is unable, then assumed inadequacy is unlikely to be the child’s purpose. Children need to have times which are set aside as informal teaching and learning opportunities, in order to develop skills and appropriate behaviours. For instance, in the above situation, if Mario at 5 years of age is genuinely unable to dress himself in simple clothes, then he needs assistance in developing these skills. However, the time to teach is not when he is being noticed through being incapable, as this will simply reinforce his belief that he is inadequate. The responsive caregiver will plan part of her future program around Mario’s needs, including other children as appropriate.

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Misbehaviour as a lifestyle perception Although they are usually unaware of their goals, children will continue to repeat behaviours which are reinforced, whether it be positive or negative reinforcement. Thus, if they believe that they only receive attention or ‘belong’ to the group when behaving in this manner, then these inappropriate behaviours will be continued. This is a consequence of children’s faulty beliefs about themselves, developed from their own perceptions of their lifestyle. Although we do not cause children to misbehave, we reinforce and encourage their misbehaviour and faulty beliefs by reacting in an expected manner. Figure 9.1 represents children’s mistaken lifestyle perceptions about their way of belonging in a particular social situation; for example ‘I belong when I am being noticed’. In order to respond appropriately to children’s goals of misbehaviour, it is necessary initially to examine your own feelings about the child’s behaviour, then identify the child’s goal and respond accordingly. To change a child’s behaviour, it is necessary first to change our own way of responding.

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Identifying goals of mis

behaviour

I belong when

I belong when

I am noticed or being served Goal: attention Adult feels: annoyed, frustrated Adult can: • ignore misbehaviour when possible • give attention and encouragement for positive behaviour • set and maintain limit without giving undue attention

I am in control or I am boss Goal: power Adult feels: angry, provoked, threatened, challenged Adult can: • withdraw from the conflict: set and maintain limits using consequences • help child use power in a constructive way Note: fighting or giving in only brings about the child’s goal

I belong I belong by

I belong by

persuading others not to expect anything from me; I am unable Goal: assumed inadequacy Adult feels: despair, helplessness, like giving up Adult can: • stop all criticism • encourage positive attempts no matter how little progress is made • use encouragement rather than praise Note: be careful not to pity the child or give up

hurting others because I feel hurt Goal: revenge Adult feels: hurt, humiliated Adult can: • avoid feeling hurt • accept encouragement from others to build up self-esteem • build a trusting relationship and encourage the child • acknowledge the child’s feelings • use consequences

Figure 9.1: Lifestyle perceptions – misbehaviour

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Review activities 1

Describe what is meant by a ‘mistaken lifestyle belief’.

2

What is ‘misbehaviour’? Consider whether all inappropriate behaviour is misbehaviour.

3

Identify the four broad categories of typical misbehaviour, and describe an adult’s feelings about the behaviours.

4

How can a responsive and effective caregiver reinforce positive behaviour rather than misbehaviour?

Activities for further learning 1

Using the caregiver’s feelings as a guide, identify the goals of behaviour in the following situations: (a) Ken, the caregiver, has set up the water play inside, and children wanting to participate will need to wear a waterproof smock. Mandy, 3 years of age, refuses to put on a smock but simply looks at Ken and begins playing. When Ken again asks her to put on a smock, Mandy turns around and defiantly says, ‘No!’, making Ken feel really mad. (b) Matt, 3 years old, consistently leaves his lunch sitting in front of him. When Sally, the caregiver, gives him a spoon he disinterestedly picks it up waiting for her to feed him instead. Sally feels sorry for Matt because he doesn’t appear to be able to do things for himself.

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(c) Tina, 5 years old, has a new baby, Mark, at home, and lots of relatives have been visiting and fussing over Mark. When she is playing with other children Tina may suddenly turn and bite or scratch. She has even started breaking their toys. Tina’s Mum feels really distressed as she wants Tina to play appropriately with others. (d) A caregiver is telling a story to a small group of 4-year-old children when one of them, Jason, starts calling out and interrupting. When asked to stop, he does so for about 15 seconds but then keeps doing it. The caregiver is beginning to feel annoyed and frustrated by Jason’s constant interruptions. 2

Apply your own understanding of goals of misbehaviour to your own situations: (a) Describe a young child’s behaviour which is a problem. (b) Consider your feelings when the child behaves in this way. (c) Identify the child’s likely mistaken belief about belonging, reflecting on the purposes of misbehaviour. (d) Consider an alternative response which would be appropriate. Next time the child misbehaves in this way, use your alternative approach.

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Identifying goals of mis

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3

Use the above steps to identify a child’s belief about belonging through positive behaviour, then consider how you would reinforce that positive behaviour.

Recommended reading Balson, Maurice, Becoming Better Parents, 4th edn, ACER, Melbourne, 1994. Biddulph, Steve, The Secret of Happy Children, Bay Books, Sydney, 1988. Dinkmeyer, Don & McKay, Gary, Systematic Training for Effective Parenting: Parent’s Handbook, AGS, Circle Pines, Minn., 1976.

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Sec tion

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gies Action plans and strate to promote responsible behaviour Children who believe in themselves, their skills and their ability to contribute in a prosocial manner will be socially competent group members. When caregivers use an appropriate psychological framework for understanding children they are then able to plan and implement strategies based on observations of individual children’s behaviour. Developing these action plans encourages the adult to look more analytically at children’s inappropriate behaviour and to arrange strategies consistent with effectively managing that behaviour. Responsive adults are then able to plan successful management or limit-setting strategies. Positive guidance strategies outlined in this section include the encouragement of independence and self-discipline, the setting of realistic limits and the use of behavioural consequences. If young children are to work towards prosocial behaviour, then adults need to teach and model the skill of exploring alternatives, necessary for effective conflict resolution. Using the framework described in this section will enable responsive adults to plan successfully for a self-esteem–enhancing guidance approach. Included in this section: • action plans and strategies for prosocial behaviour • development of self-discipline and independence through appropriate limit-setting • natural and logical consequences rather than time-out.

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gies Action plans and strate towards prosocial behaviour A children’s playroom or classroom is a place where children have the opportunity to socialise appropriately, to engage in interesting and stimulating activities and to develop age-appropriate responsible behaviour. As was explained in section 2, it is necessary for us to have some knowledge of the psychological principles behind behaviour when planning programs for children, particularly when behaviour is negative and challenging. Children are active decision-makers, purposeful and goal-oriented individuals, relatively free to determine their own behaviour. Alfred Adler, the founder of Individual Psychology, has said that the basic motivation behind all social behaviour is the desire to belong; to be accepted and to contribute. Children have a need for recognition, a need to be noticed. Challenging and disruptive behaviour is often a subconscious attempt to meet this need.

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Case study of a teacher in a preschool environment Julian, one of the carers in the 3–5-year-old room, is working with a small group of children at a collage activity. Marcus, just over 4 years old, has been included as part of this group in an attempt to distract him from his customary endless running around the room. The five children in this small group are making a large collage; however, Marcus is not really interested as he prefers large muscle activities. Julian leaves the group for a few seconds, going to the cupboard to get some more paste. While he is gone, Marcus pulls Annie’s (one of the other children at the collage activity) pasting from the paper. Annie begins crying, and Julian comes hurrying back. ‘What happened?’ asks Julian. ‘Marcus did it!’ all the children respond. ‘He tore the green pieces right off the paper.’ Turning to Marcus and holding his shoulders, Julian asks, ‘Did you do that?’ Marcus attempts to run away, but when he finds that Julian is still holding him, he turns and kicks Julian’s leg.

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If this incident finished here, we may assume that Marcus was mad about having to take part in an activity for which he needed to be relatively passive. We already know that he prefers gross muscle activities and likes to run around. There are certainly times when children are required to be involved in quieter activities, but maybe this wasn’t the appropriate timing for Marcus. Additionally, because he was feeling angry, Julian took the incident further. Julian is looking at Marcus. ‘Say you are sorry,’ he says through clenched teeth. ‘I want to go outside,’ replies Marcus. ‘You are not going anywhere until you have told Annie that you are sorry.’ The group of children are all watching this incident with interest, and others in the room have stopped to look also. ‘I hate you,’ responds Marcus. ‘That’s not nice, Marcus. Please tell Annie you are sorry.’ Marcus looks at the floor and mumbles. ‘Is that sorry?’ questions Julian. Marcus nods his head and with a sigh of relief, Julian lets him go. As Marcus moves away, he surreptitiously pulls all the collage cut-outs off the table and pushes them to the floor. Julian looks at the other carer, and they both shrug and shake their heads.

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Children’s behaviour is best viewed from a holistic approach within each social setting. Disruptive behaviour can be attention seeking, or it may be a means for challenging you or seeking to get back at you. Anti-social behaviour and misbehaviour are children’s expressions of their ways of seeking a place in the family or group. This is based on the mistaken private logic, or faulty belief, that they cannot belong through constructive, cooperative and acceptable means. Children who receive the message that they are ‘bad’ will act that way, and will keep repeating the behaviour that ‘works’ for them. It is this mistaken belief that you will be attempting to change in order to deal with the challenging behaviour!

The adult’s responsibility to plan effective strategies to deal with unacceptable behaviour The caregiver needs to understand behaviour, observe individual children and plan appropriate experiences and strategies in order to communicate with children and guide them in a cooperative, respectful manner. It is essential that adults find effective strategies for dealing with unacceptable behaviour that leave the child’s self-esteem intact. The responsive caregiver will find appropriate ways to acknowledge children’s roles within the group and will help children feel they belong. This is important for the development of children’s positive feelings about themselves and associated positive behaviours. In the above case study, it is obvious that Marcus was an unwilling participant in this group. Effective caregivers will use their knowledge of children’s likes, interests and dislikes to redirect children from inappropriate to appropriate behaviours.

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Developing an action plan to manage behaviour effectively Action plans for challenging behaviour will be based on observations and should take this knowledge into account. In doing this, the adult is more likely to meet the child’s needs and to achieve a desired outcome of positive behaviour.

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The process involved in constructing a plan for case study child Marcus • Observe Marcus at a number of different activities and understand his needs. • Identify any particular activities or times of the day when his behaviour is more challenging than usual. • Identify behaviour with particular children when Marcus either bullies them or behaves inappropriately. Identify the circumstances when this occurs. Working with your observations as a basis, note any patterns you may see in Marcus’s behaviour. For example, does this behaviour occur just after Marcus has arrived? Is it more frequent if Marcus is redirected to an activity for which he needs to sit quietly? Does Marcus attempt to ‘get back’ when people try to control him? And so on. With these observations the caregiver is now in a position to plan for Marcus. Using the case study on p. 90, and assuming that this behaviour is not atypical for Marcus, the adult will begin planning for action going forward. What do I know about his needs? • Enjoys large muscle activities and likes to be outside running, building with large blocks, climbing and so on. • Finds separating from Mum difficult and often sits alone for a few minutes. Does not like other children close at this time. • Likes to be in control and make decisions. Will often tell other children what they should do. Does not like to be told what to do by others.

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What experiences can I provide that will both meet his needs or enable effective redirection if necessary? 1 Respect his need to be alone at first by: (a) acknowledging his disappointment at leaving Mum: ‘It is hard to say goodbye to Mummy, isn’t it, Marcus? Sometimes it would be nice to have Mum stay around for more time, wouldn’t it?’ (b) providing an area where he can be legitimately alone: ‘You can either be with me, or you can use this block area that I have set up to play by yourself for a little while.’ 2 Enable him to feel in control by giving him acceptable choices that meet his interests, but are within your limits, and inviting him to make his own decision: ‘You can either help Annie and Sam make this collage, or you are welcome to help Helen build an obstacle course with the blocks.’ This enables Marcus to feel in control while still being acceptable to you. 3 Redirect if necessary. Should he not behave acceptably at his chosen activity, then appropriate redirection is in order: ‘Marcus, you need to use your own pieces at the collage table and let Annie have her pieces. It looks like you don’t want to stay at the collage. Let’s find you something else to do. Mandy has built an indoor slide … would you like to show her how you can go down?’ An action plan for Marcus may be simplified in the following manner: Observations of unacceptable behaviour

Caregiver’s feelings

Possible reason for behaviour using Adlerian framework

Strategies to facilitate responsible behaviour

Finds separation difficult

Angry Challenged Helpless to change the behaviour

Goal of power leading to revenge

Acknowledge feelings

Loud, pushing others Refusal to cooperate Not involved in routines Settles at large muscle activities

Encourage any positive behaviour Set up area for independent play Set up more outdoor experiences and encourage Marcus to participate Provide large blocks for construction Add plastic pipes to sand toys Give control where possible – allow Marcus to decide some limits within acceptable boundaries Be clear about limits, choices and consequences

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How will this fit in with the overall program for the whole group of children? Although the above strategies are specific to Marcus, they are equally appropriate for others in the group also. Quality programs have a balance of quiet, solitary experiences and small group activities. They will be planned to encourage large and fine muscle experiences and to enable indoor–outdoor play opportunities. Respect is shown when each member of the group feels that his or her needs are met appropriately. Caregivers providing quality care will be aware that each of their children is a unique individual with varying needs, and therefore the experiences and strategies they plan will be different for each child, each room and each centre. However, by following a framework or structure based on a holistic understanding of the child, the guidelines outlined above will always be applicable, leading to consistency in planning for all children.

Foundations and framework for planning In order to have a successful result in guiding children’s behaviour using this approach, certain foundations need to be in place before, or contingent with, the actual strategies or interactions. The approach outlined in section 1, based on the values of Shared Responsibility, Equality, Cooperation, Respect, Encouragement and Trust (SECRET), will create the appropriate emotional environment for promoting acceptable behaviour. Combine this with a quality physical environment that provides for children’s individual and group needs, and a strong foundation is created. Caregivers can then use their Adlerian understanding of children’s behaviour described in section 2 as a basis for the structure or framework of their planning and strategies.

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Arranging action plans for managing behaviour encourages one to look more analytically at the behaviour, taking into account the events preceding or surrounding the presenting behaviour. It then gives a set plan or framework of known strategies to be implemented, appropriate to that particular child and behaviour. In this way, caregivers will be able to respond confidently to individual children while applying general behavioural principles to the particular situation.

Case study in the toddler room Three-year-old Rosie is seen by the adults as being ‘a problem’. She is constantly being reminded by her care-providers that she needs to share the play materials, or she is being told to stop interrupting and hindering other children’s experiences. For some weeks now she has been sent almost daily to the infant room on the basis that ‘she is acting like a 2-year-old, so she can join the 2-year-olds’. When Rosie arrives at the toddler room, she is confined to certain activities ‘so that she doesn’t hurt the little ones’. The caregivers ensure that she doesn’t hurt other children, but give Rosie little positive attention and ignore her when possible. It doesn’t take Rosie long to make the link between disrupting an activity, such as knocking over the water-play trough, and receiving considerable attention. Unfortunately, she is punished even further by being made to sit alone and ‘think about what she has done’. Events of this sort continue on a regular basis, and the staff are puzzled as to why Rosie’s behaviour doesn’t improve and what else they can do. However, what hasn’t been taken into account is why Rosie is behaving in this way. Additionally, is there a pattern to Rosie’s behaviour?

An acceptable alternative for effectively managing Rosie’s behaviour The staff are encouraged to discuss Rosie’s behaviour at a general staff meeting rather than simply discussing it among the staff in Rosie’s room. They all agree to note their observations of Rosie. The caregiver who is usually on early roster first thing in the morning for early family group time notes that Rosie is almost always the first child at the centre,

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and frequently arrives without breakfast and still in her pyjamas. On hearing this, Michelle, the staff member who supervises the few children remaining at the end of the day, comments that Rosie is often among the last children to be collected, and Mum or Dad invariably send an employee from their video store to collect her. After day care Rosie is taken to the store where she meets her school-age brother. They are given a quick meal at the store, then one of the parents takes them home and puts them to bed. The staff note that Rosie appears to be having very little time with her family, and she and her brother often seem to be pushed aside. Instantly, Michelle takes a holistic approach to Rosie’s negative behaviour, and considers that Rosie is probably ‘feeling unloved, emotionally hurt and pushed out’ and identifies the goal of revenge. The centre staff agree to make plans for a new approach to managing Rosie, focusing on building her self-esteem, acknowledging her feelings and assisting her to feel a significant member of the group. They agree to follow the principles of redirection rather than punishing Rosie, and plan to give her recognition and positive feedback for socially acceptable and responsible behaviour, no matter how insignificant.

Developing an action plan for challenging behaviour As described in the above case study, adults will firstly observe the child over a number of different occasions, considering their own feelings when the inappropriate behaviour occurs. Using figure 9.2 on p. 83, adults can then identify the child’s subconscious goal of behaviour. Following this, plans will then be constructed to respond more appropriately to the child. Using the case study of Rosie as an example:

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Observations of unacceptable behaviour

Caregiver’s feelings

Possible reason for behaviour using Adlerian framework

Strategies to facilitate responsible behaviour

In the playroom: Annoying other children and disrupting planned experiences Pulling down cubby house that others have made

Frustration and disappointment that the planned experiences were disrupted

Goal of revenge: ‘Because I feel hurt I will hurt others’

Make Rosie feel welcome when she arrives

Rosie may be feeling pushed aside because her parents are totally focused on their business

If she is first here assist her to feel special

She is left out of centre activities because of her behaviour

Involve her in decisionmaking for some activities

Concern for Rosie’s wellbeing

Pushing water-play container over Being blamed by other children when things go wrong General observations: Arriving first at the centre most days Wearing pyjamas two days running Collected by parents’ employee

Acknowledge her feelings of being pushed aside

Use lots of encouragement Promote friendship with other children Set up specific activity for her Redirect rather than punish – avoid sending her to infant room Discuss strategies with parents

Further examples

Kelly:

Observations of unacceptable behaviour

Caregiver’s feelings

Adlerian framework

Strategies to facilitate responsible behaviour

Loud, pushing others especially at transition times

Mad

Goal of power

Angry

Set up outdoor experiences to allow much more physical activity

Challenged

Give control where possible Allow decisions at transition times Group meetings to discuss the behaviour

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Kristie: Observations of unacceptable behaviour

Caregiver’s feelings

Adlerian framework

Strategies to facilitate responsible behaviour

Refusing to listen to directions

Frustrated Angry

Goal of attention

Set clear limits for each activity

Talks over other children Constantly interrupts during story time

Involve her in deciding some limits Be clear about choices and consequences Give attention and encouragement when she is involved and behaving acceptably

Using the action plan Five steps to promoting responsible social behaviour

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Step 1: Be continually aware of self-esteem issues and relationship

values. Use guidance techniques that reflect the SECRET approach outlined earlier in this book. Always consider an approach that allows a child’s self-esteem to remain intact.

Step 2: Be perceptive to children’s interpretations of belonging. Use your knowledge of Adlerian psychology to respond positively to the child. Deal with the mistaken goal of the behaviour rather than punishing for the behaviour.

Step 3:

Use the effective limit-setting techniques outlined in chapter 11. These all enable children to feel respected and responsible. Try any of the following: • Acknowledge positive behaviour and give feedback about the real consequences of such behaviour: ‘I’m sure Charlotte really appreciated you picking that Lego up for her, Marlee. It means she won’t have to worry about baby Felix putting it in his mouth.’

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• Minimise attention for negative behaviour while taking every opportunity to focus on positives: ‘It’s great to see that you remembered to walk inside.’ • Use consequences rather than punishment, ensuring a fair but firm approach. Never allow one child to hurt another deliberately: ‘I won’t let you keep throwing sand, Jodie. You will need to play out of the sand pit until you can keep the sand in the buckets.’ • Offer children choices about their behaviour, unless there really are no alternatives: ‘You can either sit with us at the big table, or you are welcome to sit on the rug under the trees.’ • Redirect unacceptable behaviour into an acceptable outlet: ‘It looks like you feel like throwing, Jodie. You can either stay here and play without throwing sand, or you can go over to where Sam is and throw the ball with him.’ • Withdraw from child–adult power struggles when possible. Say: ‘It looks like you’re really mad because I said you need to put a jacket on to go outside. You can either stay and play in here or put a jacket on for outside’, rather than: ‘Don’t you hit me! You are not going outside without a jacket on!’ • Give children age-appropriate or developmentally appropriate responsibilities so that they can feel acceptably challenged without being overwhelmed: 14-month-old Jackson has the task of placing napkins on each child’s lunchtime placemat; 3-year-old Lisa is helping the chef with preparing a stir-fry for lunch; 3-year-old Mickey is slicing some cheese with his plastic knife. • Negotiate and clarify limits before starting an activity. With preschoolers and older children, involve them in the limit-setting process: ‘We have a new floor puzzle that I am going to put out today. Where do you think it should go, Alex? How many children will fit into that corner without it being squashy, Mathew? What do you think we need to do when we are walking past it, Kellie? What will we do if there are too many children there?’ With younger children much of your limit-setting will be implemented indirectly by means of the way your activity is set up. The environment will carry a message that indicates the expected behaviour. If you want only two toddlers at the playdough activity, the playdough table will have only two chairs, two balls of dough, two lots of cutters and two rolling pins, and so on.

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Give children developmentally appropriate responsibilities

Step 4: As outlined in section 4, communicate clearly, simply and

effectively with children, being at their level whenever possible. Try any of the following: • Express directions positively, telling children what they can do, rather than what not to do: ‘You are welcome to run on the paths outside, Marcus, but when we are inside we need to walk.’ • Be clear that your limits imply your expectations and boundaries: ‘It looks like you are cross because Tania took your car, but I won’t let you hit her.’ • Tell children how their actions make you feel, using an ‘I’ statement: ‘When you keep hitting me I feel angry because it hurts me.’ • Acknowledge how children are feeling (indicated either through their behaviour or their language) using a ‘reflective’ statement:

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‘It looks like you’re really mad with me because I stopped you throwing sand.’ • Use encouragement to focus on positives, rather than praise, in order that children do not become dependent on the adult for their sense of self-worth: ‘Sam, you are working so hard to get that piece of puzzle into the right place.’ • Focus on the child rather than yourself: ‘You look so pleased because you finished that puzzle all by yourself.’ • Giving children a reason for your limits will encourage them to develop their own inner control, or self-discipline: ‘When you throw sand it gets into people’s hair and eyes, and might really hurt them.’

Step 5:

Provide a quality environment in which adults are perceptive to children’s needs, show understanding and respond to behaviour from a holistic approach. Most of us will acknowledge that good things go together. An interested, involved child is less likely to need extra discipline than a bored, restless child. A child who feels accepted and nurtured is more likely to be a positive presence in the group, whereas a child who sees herself as rejected because she is a challenge is likely to continue her challenging behaviour. High-quality centres with well-trained and responsive staff are more likely to promote and facilitate responsible, positive behaviour in children.

Developing an action plan for very young infants Young infants require an entirely different set of guidelines for managing their challenging behaviour. Difficult infant behaviour that bothers adults usually falls into two categories: (1) interpreting the infant’s communication of needs and (2) perceiving the infant’s feelings. Some infants’ communications are harder to interpret than others, and the adult will not always be able to perceive correctly the needs being expressed. However, building trust through responding, accepting and acknowledging is essential for healthy infant development.

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Chloe is a 6-month-old who has recently entered the infant room so that her mother, Sandra, can return to work two days a week. Sandra has written out Chloe’s routines and carefully explained them to the carers. After two weeks, Chloe is still not sleeping well at day care, and both Sandra and the caregivers are anxious about her behaviour. Sandra feels they should be ignoring Chloe’s crying and just leaving her to cry herself to sleep. The caregiver, Jackie, discusses with Sandra Chloe’s need to develop trust in the carers at the centre and explains that they need to build up their relationship with Chloe gradually and allow her to feel comfortable with them. The following day when Chloe arrives, Jackie gently lifts her from Sandra and quietly says: ‘You miss Mummy holding you, don’t you, Chloe? I’m going to hold you for a while and then we’ll go outside and you can sit on the rug under the trees.’ After being outside for a few minutes, and singing finger rhymes with other infants on the rug, Jackie tells Chloe: ‘It’s time for you to have a drink now, and then I’ll put you into bed for a lovely sleep, Chloe.’ A little later, while changing Chloe’s nappy Jackie talks softly and holds her close, preparing her quietly and calmly for sleeping, and gently placing her into the cot with her favourite teddy, but Chloe immediately begins crying. Jackie leaves her in the cot but strokes Chloe’s forehead and neck, acknowledging that she is feeling tired and upset. Of course, Jackie doesn’t know for sure what is making Chloe cry, but she is interpreting as successfully as she can. Chloe will pick up Jackie’s understanding from her calm and quiet speech, even though she is not able to communicate her feelings in words at this stage. Jackie walks away and plays some quiet music to encourage Chloe to calm down and sleep. After a few minutes, with Chloe still crying, Jackie returns and repeats the previous process, acknowledging Chloe’s distress, yet still comforting her in the cot. Jackie repeats this process only one more time before Chloe falls asleep.

In the above situation Jackie ensured that she focused on meeting the infant’s needs rather than on controlling Chloe. In responding to Chloe’s needs, Jackie conveyed that she understood and acknowledged her distress, thus building up trust and security for the infant. Some infants are harder to understand and interpret than others. They may appear to cry for no reason. Is it hunger, discomfort, pain or simply fussiness? Responsive caregivers will not always be successful interpreters, and it is not always easy to meet needs or acknowledge feelings. However, building trust and security, and avoiding control, is essential if infants are to develop into happy, healthy and positive toddlers and children.

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Review activities 1

Outline at least two reasons why children sometimes engage in challenging and disruptive behaviour.

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Describe why it is important for the adult to understand goals of behaviour when planning strategies to manage inappropriate behaviour.

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Outline the process involved in developing an action plan for managing a child who exhibits consistent inappropriate behaviour.

4

Identify and discuss the five steps involved in planning for responsible social behaviour.

Activities for further learning 1

Identify a child whose behaviour you find challenging. Observe this child over a number of days, and develop an action plan with strategies for promoting socially acceptable behaviour.

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Plan an appropriate strategy for responding to the difficult behaviour of a 6-monthold baby who refuses to settle into sleep routines. Outline possible steps that may be taken.

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Discuss the above plans with a friend or colleague, explaining your reasons for particular strategies.

Recommended reading Curtis, D. & Carter, M. The Art of Awareness: How Observation Can Transform Your Teaching. Redleaf Press, Saint Paul, Minn., 2000. Katz, L.G. & McClellan, D.E. Fostering Children’s Social Competence. NAEYC, Washington DC, 1997. Waters, J., Observation: A Window to the Child. National Gowrie/RAP Consortium, 1999.

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The goal of effective guidance is to assist children in becoming confident, fully functioning individuals who can make decisions and direct themselves appropriately. Young children are enormously influenced by their social environment, giving those who interact with children a responsibility to create an appropriate atmosphere using sensitive and effective guidance skills.

Effective guidance Guidance encompasses all the adult does or says to influence children’s behaviour, either directly or indirectly. It is more positive and constructive than discipline, which usually carries connotations

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of punishment and restriction. Discipline limits the development of responsibility and decision-making. Effective guidance is based on previously identified skills and values considered purposely to promote appropriate behaviour. Responsive caregivers will consider their own behaviour initially, and then explore personal changes they may make to encourage positive behaviour in children. As was discussed in section 2, not all inappropriate behaviour is misbehaviour, and caregivers need to reflect on their knowledge, understanding and expectations of young children before determining appropriate limits. Responsive and effective guidance will be neither autocratic nor chaotic; rather it will be based on the democratic values of social equality, trust, cooperation, shared responsibility and freedom to make choices within acceptable limits, as outlined in section 1. There is no place or need for corporal punishment, physical or verbal abuse, sarcasm or emotional deprivation in an effectively functioning home or early childhood centre. A supportive, secure environment is established through the development and maintenance of relationships, by developing an understanding of children’s behaviour as identified in section 2, and by using sensitive guidance skills with realistic limits. Limits are designed to protect the safety of children and adults, and to assist young children to grow towards self-control and selfdiscipline. Appropriate limits are essential to the functioning of a cooperative society providing order without chaos. For instance, if I decide I will drive my car on the wrong side of the road because I feel like doing it, what is likely to happen? I am likely to jeopardise my own and other people’s safety. In all aspects of life, in order to live cooperatively with others there must be agreed rules to which we adhere. Limits are similar to a set of rules that are flexible enough to be extended and adapted as children grow and mature (as was shown in figure 2.2).

Limits applying to infants Infants and very young children need clear and definite limits, requiring very simple explanations, that will allow them to develop trust in

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adults and security in their environment. For example Toby, 9 months old and mobile, wants to explore his environment. However, there are dangers from which he needs to be protected. Toby’s caregiver, Tania, has provided a simple and safe room for the infants, but Toby wants to investigate the power switch. Tania quickly and distinctly says ‘Toby’ to distract him initially while she is walking over. As she picks him up and moves him away, Tania gently yet firmly comments, ‘Toby, that power switch is dangerous – I can’t let you play there. Come and I’ll put you beside this playboard with knobs and switches.’ In this way Tania has provided a definite limit while allowing Toby to continue exploring in a different way.

Limits applying to toddlers Toddlers desiring independence and autonomy require limits which offer safe investigation of both the environment and the people within it, while allowing them choices in decision-making. Limits for toddlers will be firm on the outside, yet flexible on the inside; that is, toddlers will have opportunities to test the limits but there will be a point beyond which there is no choice. For instance, Nyssa, 21⁄2 years old, wants to go outside on a cold day in his underclothes. Nyssa’s caregiver, knowing that toddlers like to feel in control, puts out two different sets of clothes for Nyssa to choose from and then enthusiastically says: ‘Nyssa, it’s going to be such fun outside today. Would you like to help me move the slide?’ Nyssa quickly chooses his clothes and begins to dress himself. The caregiver could not allow Nyssa to go beyond the limit of not wearing clothes outside on a cold day, although if appropriate she may have allowed Nyssa simply to remain inside. However, she did allow Nyssa to make decisions and assert his independence within acceptable boundaries.

Limits applying to preschoolers Preschool-age children are developing more mature intellectual skills, allowing them to contribute meaningfully to decision-making. They

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are able to think through situations, often using the boundaries imposed by appropriate limits as part of their imaginative games and play. For example, 5-year-old Anya may be playing with a group of peers outside. Anya is aware that the wheel toys need to stay on the paths so that other children are safe. This is one of the limits that had been decided upon by all children in the group at her centre. Anya and her friends use initiative and imagination in incorporating the paths into their motorcycle game. The responsive caregiver will be aware of this imaginative play and encourages their responsible self-disciplined behaviour through enthusiastic comments like: ‘I like where your motorcycles are going. What if we get some chalk and draw lines on the paths? Where would you like them? Could we put some traffic lights in?’ And so on.

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Effective limits Effective limits will encompass the following values based on respect and equality. Children may neither deliberately do things which will hurt themselves or someone else, nor may they intentionally cause damage or hurt to animals, materials or equipment. On the other hand, limits that are mostly for the convenience of caregivers should be reconsidered with the children’s needs foremost. Clear verbal and physical direction of what is acceptable is essential when conveying effective limits to infants and children. Infants are egocentric and so lack understanding of others around them, hence they need caregivers who will ensure these limits are followed through. For instance, Connie and Leigh, both 12 months old, are playing with wooden pegs on the floor, when Connie uses the pegs to hit Leigh. Jackie, the caregiver, immediately moves to these children and quietly speaks to Connie: ‘Connie, it seems like you feel like banging the pegs on to something … here’s a saucepan for you’, while showing Connie how she can bang the pegs on to a saucepan to make a noise. Jackie has successfully distracted Connie from hurting Leigh and redirected her attention to another activity, thus enforcing a limit in a positive, acceptable way.

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Redirection Greta, aged about 3, is having a difficult morning. She has been hitting some other children and just now she has gone over to the block corner and knocked over Tom’s blocks. The caregiver comes up to Greta and says, ‘Greta, it looks like you are feeling really mad. It seems like you want to hit out at things. Let’s go and set up the punching bag and you can hit at that as much as you’d like to. I can’t let you hit Tom, and it upsets him when you knock his building down. Let’s get the punching bag.’ This is an example of redirection. Redirection of unacceptable behaviour is an effective method of positive guidance in responsive caregiving. It means attempting to turn the child’s attention away from unacceptable behaviour towards an experience or behaviour that is acceptable. This alternative experience should be equally interesting to the child, thus allowing an outlet for the child’s feelings. Unfortunately there have been situations when behaviour such as the above example has happened and the caregiver has inappropriately said to the child, ‘Come on, Greta, you need to come over here. Sit down and read a book.’ How would you respond if you were feeling mad and aggressive and someone said, ‘Come and sit quietly and read a book’? This is not effective redirection – it is simply negating the child’s strong feelings and occupying her quietly, whereas redirection promotes prosocial behaviour in children. Adults need to interpret the child’s behaviour, being receptive to her underlying need, either emotional or physical – and express this through a reflective statement which effectively acknowledges the child’s feelings. For redirecting to be effective, it must be logically related to the child’s behaviour. For example, the child who is hitting is obviously feeling angry or frustrated, so an outlet for those feelings would be to redirect attention to the clay, or punching bag, or hammering and so on.

What is redirection? Redirection is about channelling children’s feeling into appropriate ways of behaving. When you are interacting with preschoolers and

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older children, you can then talk about other ways of managing their behaviour, but in the first instance you want to give them an outlet for this inappropriate behaviour. Redirection is a very useful strategy with infants, particularly when caregivers are able to acknowledge children’s feelings and then redirect them to an activity with a similar outlet for their feelings.

How is redirection implemented? Using the earlier example of Greta and Tom we can consider the sequence for effective redirection. Identify the child’s need/feeling Greta, age about 3 years, is having a difficult morning. She has been hitting some other children and just now she has gone over to the block corner and knocked over Tom’s blocks. The caregiver was aware of Greta’s needs and perceptively responded to them. In this situation Greta needed an outlet for her needs rather than being encouraged to verbalise her feelings, as might be done under other circumstances.

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Acknowledge that feeling ‘Greta, it looks like you are feeling really mad.’ The caregiver gave a simple statement acknowledging Greta’s feelings. Consider an alternative acceptable outlet for channelling the child’s feelings ‘It seems like you want to hit out at things. Let’s go and set up the punching bag …’ The caregiver suggested an alternative outlet for Greta’s feelings. The caregiver could also have asked Greta herself to suggest an alternative behaviour, as is described in a later chapter on conflict resolution. State the alternative action or behaviour in a calm and positive manner ‘Let’s go and set up the punching bag and you can hit that as much as you’d like to.’ The caregiver is calmly stating the acceptable outlet. With very young children the adult respectfully moves the child to, or gives the child, the acceptable alternative If Greta had been an infant or younger child, the caregiver might have simultaneously moved her away to an acceptable alternative while calmly talking with her.

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With older children, give a choice of actions only if you really mean the child to choose for herself As suggested in the third step, the caregiver could have explored alternatives with Greta, enabling Greta to select an appropriate outlet herself. This is particularly useful with older children. Be calm and reassuring, helping the child feel confident and comfortable ‘I can’t let you hit Tom, and it upsets him when you knock his building down.’ The caregiver responded in a calm manner enabling Greta to retain her dignity and confidence. Periodically check the child’s involvement, offering encouragement for self-control, self-direction and responsibility ‘Let’s get the punching bag.’ This respectful response promotes acceptance and could be followed on with the caregiver’s acknowledgement of Greta’s use of the punching bag. Redirection is a very useful strategy with infants, particularly if caregivers are able to acknowledge children’s feelings, then redirect them to an activity with a similar outlet for their feelings, such as Connie banging the pegs on a saucepan instead of on to Leigh.

Distraction Redirection is not distraction. When we distract a child, we are simply changing the focus of the child’s attention. For example, George who is going around pulling people’s hair can be distracted by saying, ‘George, did you see that red fire engine go past?’ It takes George’s mind off what he is doing and it may well stop him from continuing the anti-social activity of hair pulling. But is it really helping George to cope with his feelings? Is it giving him an outlet for his frustration? George could have been redirected to an activity which allowed him to take out some aggression in an acceptable manner, such as pounding the clay, splashing soapy water or pulling and pushing on pieces of rope.

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However, distraction can be a useful guidance technique particularly with infants. For example, 10-month-old Alysha is finding it difficult to separate from her mother. Even though Mum stays around for a while in the mornings, as soon as she says goodbye Alysha cries uncontrollably for a few minutes. Vince, the caregiver, holds Alysha very warmly and securely, acknowledging her feelings of distress, while at the same time attempting to distract her attention to another focus. He calmly and respectfully says, ‘Alysha, it looks like you’re feeling so miserable because Mummy has gone to work. Let’s go and see what the big children are doing out in the playground.’

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Using limits Whatever the technique used, young children require clear, positive guidelines as to what is acceptable behaviour. Before commencing an activity with children discuss what is acceptable with them, so introducing the limits for that particular activity. For example Franca, the caregiver, might want to tell a story to a small group of preschool aged children and believes they can be involved in decision-making about appropriate behaviour. Franca may introduce the idea when sitting at the children’s level with them: ‘I’d like to tell you a story with puppets. It’s about five children who go for a picnic … I really want everyone to be able to hear this story so what do you think you’ll have to do? [Be quiet.] … Do you think other children will be able to see my hands moving if some of you wriggle around? [No.] … So how will we sit? [Still.] … So it seems like we’re going to have a lovely story if everyone can sit quietly and still. Does that sound okay?’ Older preschool children will be able to discuss not only the appropriate limits but also the consequences of children not responding to limits. So in the previous example Franca might then say: ‘What do you think we should do if people keep interrupting our story?’ The responsive caregiver will be aware that children want to belong to the group and be a part of it, with peer group influence being very powerful. Through effective leadership and clear communication, caregivers are able to have preschool children making choices about limits, consequences and appropriate behaviours within defined

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boundaries. The idea of behavioural consequences as a positive guidance technique is discussed in chapter 12, ‘Avoiding time out: natural and logical consequences’. Caregivers will reinforce appropriate behaviour by using ‘I’ messages and encouragement techniques as described in section 4. They will let children know they are appreciated, encouraging cooperative behaviour and adherence to reasonable limits. For instance, when children are playing imaginatively, yet appropriately, in the digging patch, the caregiver may quietly comment: ‘I’m really pleased to see that you’re able to keep the spades down lower than your shoulders. It means that you are digging safely here … Thank you.’ Through respect, encouragement and cooperation, children will develop appropriate behaviour. This will be maintained within a sensitively structured environment, as is described in chapter 13. Responsive guidance is based on positive communication skills and realistic expectations of young children.

Review activities 1

Describe the goal of effective guidance of infants and young children.

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Identify at least two reasons why limits are necessary.

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Name three guidance strategies that you would consider appropriate to use with preschool children.

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Outline how limits vary for different ages and stages of children.

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Describe what is meant by ‘redirection’.

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How can encouragement be used as a guidance technique?

Activities for further learning 1

Observe a group of young children and consider how the strategies discussed in this chapter would be appropriately applied to their behaviour.

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Plan a group experience for two to six children. Identify and write down your expected limits before beginning the experience. Decide how you will communicate the limits to the children and how you may offer choices.

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Identify situations in your own caregiving where you could reinforce limits by using encouragement and showing appreciation.

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Recommended reading Rodd, Jillian. Understanding Young Children’s Behaviour. Allen & Unwin, Sydney, 1996. Rodd, Jillian. Leadership in Early Childhood: The Pathway to Professionalism. 2nd edn. Allen & Unwin, Sydney, 1998. Rogers, William. You’re Not the Boss of Me. Lady Gowrie Child Centre, Melbourne, 1992.

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Stonehouse, Anne. Discipline: A Child’s View for Parents. Crèche & Kindergarten Association of Queensland, 2nd edn, 1994.

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The need for a democratic environ

Young children are striving to find their identity and assert their independence. They need to be given opportunities for this within a safe, democratic environment, which allows them to select some behaviours or actions over others, to make decisions, and to experience the outcomes of their choices. In traditional, autocratic settings adults make decisions for children based upon a superior adult–inferior child relationship. Thus young children are not provided with opportunities to develop skills of self-discipline, responsibility or independence. The traditional and autocratic method of discipline is for the caregiver to reward children when they obey and to punish when they disobey.

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For instance, Davita is responsible for a group of preschool children playing in the sandpit. Lucinda and Pierre begin throwing sand at one another, so Davita quickly intervenes, angrily saying, ‘Lucinda and Pierre, go inside this minute. You know you shouldn’t throw sand.’ Later, when it is afternoon tea time, Davita hands out icy poles to the children who were ‘playing nicely’ in the sandpit, while Pierre and Lucinda look on. There are several significant reasons for not using this method in a democratic and mutually respectful environment. Most punishment, such as the instance described, is decided on by the adult determining an outcome not related to the inappropriate behaviour. This gives credence to the belief that being an adult means to be superior and do as you wish, rather than believing that adults take on effective and responsible leadership roles. It limits children in their capacity for decision-making because the adult does all the deciding, using punishment as a means of suppressing unacceptable behaviour. Responsive caregivers will be encouraging children to accept age-appropriate responsibility for their own behaviour. Children used to punishment and reward soon discover that they need to obey only when the adult is around in order to be rewarded. Responsive caregivers will reinforce children’s appropriate behaviour as an accepted part of creating a cooperative situation where children, guided by others, develop self-discipline.

Behavioural consequences Behavioural consequences are ways of stimulating actions in children as they make decisions about particular behaviours. The basis of this approach is that all behaviour is shaped and maintained by its associated consequences. In a democratic situation where there is freedom with order, children have the right to make choices about their behaviour. Thus, reflecting on the previous example of Lucinda and Pierre in the sandpit, observing their inappropriate behaviour Davita might say, ‘Lucinda and Pierre, when you throw sand I feel concerned because it might get in someone’s eyes. You can either use the sand for digging and making things, or you can leave the sandpit and go and use the ball for throwing.’

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It is then up to Pierre and Lucinda which they decide to do. Both actions are acceptable, but there is no other choice. If they decide to remain in the sandpit, Davita will encourage their appropriate behaviour. However, if they continue to throw sand she will respond while moving them away: ‘It seems like you have decided not to stay in the sandpit … so you can go to the storeroom and get the ball for throwing. You’re welcome to come back to the sandpit later.’ Thus Lucinda and Pierre learn from the consequential results of their choice of behaviour, and it is their responsibility to change it if they wish. This method differs from reward and punishment because it holds children responsible for their own behaviour while allowing them to make decisions about appropriate actions. Children are able to accept responsibility for their own behaviour and feel good about themselves when you offer them choices within acceptable limits. Let children make and accept decisions by giving them appropriate choices, and then allow them to accept the consequences of their decision. If the child is not happy with the consequences of a decision, make it clear that she is welcome to choose differently next time. For instance, a caregiver might say, ‘Katie, you may either come inside for a story or stay outside and play.’ A choice is offered, but once others are inside and having a story, Katie needs to accept the consequences and should not come and interrupt. Therefore the caregiver will say: ‘I’m sorry, Katie, but you will have to wait until we have another story later.’ She will help the child accept the consequences of her choice and to understand that a different decision can be made next time. Through adults using behavioural consequences as a guidance technique, children are able to choose to behave in a particular way. They know that they will be expected to experience the consequences of that choice and that this consequence is related to their behaviour. Choices and consequences encourage children to be responsible by offering freedom within limits. With young children over about 2 years of age, responsibility for much behaviour can be given to the child rather than the adult, thus encouraging independence, autonomy and a feeling of control over their environments.

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Responsive adults will encourage children to accept age-appropriate responsibility for their own behaviour

As has been described in other chapters, infants have yet to reach a level of intellectual and logical reasoning at which understanding of limits occurs. Although there is always an outcome as a consequence of an infant’s behaviour, it cannot be assumed that the infant understands the relationship. For example, 6-month-old Edwina pulls the cat’s tail and the cat scratches her. Edwina notices and is hurt by the outcome of her behaviour. However, at this age she may not connect her action with that of the cat, unless she repeats it again and again. This inability to relate consequences to behaviour should not preclude caregivers from acting on infant behaviour. Given warm and sensitive relationships and positive non-verbal communication, infants will learn of the results of their behaviour through caregivers accepting responsibility on their behalf. In the previous example, the responsive caregiver will act on Edwina’s behaviour by gently yet firmly saying,

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‘That hurts the cat, Edwina’, while at the same time moving either Edwina or the cat. There are two types of behavioural consequence through which children learn about responsible and appropriate decisions: natural consequences and logical consequences.

Natural consequences These occur as a result of the child’s behaviour without the intervention of another person. For example, the child who refuses to put rain gear on to go outside gets wet, or the child who refuses to eat goes hungry until the next meal. The adult does not need to become involved. There is one exception to using natural consequences as a learning experience, and that is in situations of danger, safety or emergency. Then intervention or logical consequences should be substituted immediately.

Logical consequences These require the intervention of another person, usually the adult, and focus on the reality in the social situation of freedom with order. Applying logical consequences acknowledges mutual rights, mutual respect and responsibility. To be effective, children must be able to see them as being logically related to their inappropriate behaviour; that is, the consequence must fit the behaviour. A logical consequence of a child using blocks to hit another child instead of building with them would be for the child to choose to either play with blocks properly or leave the block area. The child should go somewhere else, preferably where she can take out her aggression, such as pounding clay, hammering or punching a punch bag. A caregiver, having observed the incident, may say: ‘Milly, when you hit Sam with the blocks I feel worried because he might get hurt. You can either use the blocks for building or you can go and hammer. It is up to you.’ Logical consequences can become punishments if the caregiver threatens or is hostile, or if no choice is given. The objective is to encourage children to make responsible decisions, not to force or scare them into submission. However, once choices have been given, the caregiver does not need to keep repeating them, otherwise children soon become ‘caregiver

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deaf’. Caregivers will find themselves saying: ‘Milly, remember what I said … Milly, I said you can either …’ and so on. Of course Milly remembers what was said, but she is now involved in a successful power struggle where she controls the situation. There is a definite method to successfully applying logical consequences incorporating the following sequence: • Use an ‘I’ message, as described in chapter 14, to let children know how you feel about their inappropriate behaviour. For instance, Brian, 4 years old, is picking up pieces of a puzzle and throwing them from the table on to the floor. So the caregiver calmly says, ‘When you throw the puzzles on to the floor I feel concerned that they will get lost.’ • Provide acceptable choices in a respectful and calm manner. ‘You can either use the pieces to fit the puzzles together or we can put the puzzles into the storeroom for now.’ • Allow the child to choose then follow through with the consequence, giving the child the assurance that she will have the opportunity to change the decision later, but not immediately. So if Brian continues to throw the pieces, the caregiver will say, ‘It seems like you’ve decided that the puzzles should be put away. Perhaps we can get them out again after morning tea.’ • Then if the misbehaviour is repeated, follow through again but extend the time that will elapse before the child can try again, depending on the age of the child. ‘It seems like you’re still not ready to use these puzzles properly. We can get them out again tomorrow.’ The responsive caregiver will also acknowledge Brian’s feelings while redirecting his behaviour into an appropriate outlet. So it might be suggested that he goes to the water play where he can drop things into the water to see their effect. For instance: ‘Hey, look, Brian, you could come over here and plonk things into the water. I wonder what will float and what will sink.’ Applying behavioural consequences offers an effective guidance technique which encourages a positive self-concept in both children and caregivers. It is impersonal and there is no guilt attached. Children are able to retain their self-esteem by not being labelled or classified for their inappropriate actions, and caregivers have no need to feel like ogres or nags.

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Consequences or time-out? ‘Time-out’ is a phrase often used by people believing that, in certain instances, some children just need time and space to be alone. However, young children may misinterpret this time-out notion as a sign of public rejection or humiliation. When children’s misbehaviour is affecting or interfering with others, then they are demonstrating neither respect nor cooperation. To simply remove them or send them away may only intensify negative behaviour at other times. These misbehaving children are likely to be discouraged and lacking in self-esteem. If young children are to be assisted in developing alternative behaviour patterns, then encouragement of a positive self-image is necessary. If children’s negative behaviour is clearly interfering with other children’s rights, then caregivers do need to act. However, when caring for a group of children it is inappropriate to put a child in a room alone as a punishment (for example an office, bathroom or corridor). This may cause unnecessary emotional suffering and rejection. The responsive caregiver will consider goals of behaviour and what the child’s negative behaviour actually demonstrates. Does she need some space just to herself to play independently? Does the child need time alone, listening to music or looking at books? Perhaps she is really tired and just needs to be quietly and calmly tucked into bed? Maybe she could quietly withdraw to another area with a caregiver. As an example consider Helen, 21⁄2 years old, who has been biting and disrupting the play of other children. The caregivers have attempted to redirect Helen and to reassure the other children, but understandably they now feel they just want to put Helen into the bathroom and tell her to stay there until she can behave. This solution may leave the room calm for a short time, but it may also leave Helen feeling confused, rejected and possibly even more determined to ‘get back’. Consider what Helen’s goal may be then! An alternative approach is to ensure that Helen feels welcome and noticed among the group of children. Help her to feel good about herself and provide her with activities which will allow her to take

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out aggression acceptably. If Helen continues to act disruptively so that other children are affected, the caregiver will quietly move down to Helen and acknowledge her feelings: ‘Helen, it seems like you’re feeling really mad this morning and you’re hurting people around you. I can’t let you hurt Jacob and Rocco. Let’s find you something to do where you don’t need to be near anyone else.’ This may be a bowl of warm soapy water or a sand tray placed at the side of the room just for ‘one child only – space alone play’. The caregiver will take Helen to the activity, letting her know she can play there and when she is ready to play without hurting other children, she is welcome to come back. The caregiver is thus assisting Helen to be responsible for her own behaviour and develop self-discipline. The caregiver might quietly say, ‘When you are ready to play with Jacob and Rocco without hurting them, you can come and tell me, then we’ll go back over there.’

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An alternative to time-out is the provision of one child only–space alone activities

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With careful pre-planning responsive caregivers will be able to set up ‘one child only – space alone’ activity areas in their playrooms and so withdraw the disruptive child without removing her completely, thus giving time-out an alternative focus.

Review activities 1

Describe what is meant by ‘behavioural consequences’ and why this technique is appropriate to democratic caregiving.

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Outline three significant differences between punishment and consequences.

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Identify the two types of consequences, then describe how each helps children learn responsibility and self-discipline.

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Outline the sequence typically used when applying logical consequences.

Activities for further learning 1

Consider the following situations and decide on an appropriate consequence for each. Practice how you would express it in order to guide children’s behaviour effectively by giving them a clear choice of behaviour. (a) John, aged 3 years, is playing at the water trough. You have talked about limits with the children, and asked John several times to be careful because he is wetting other children. How would you apply consequences? (b) Sophie, aged 4 years, is flicking the finger paint over other children walking past and the furniture. How would you apply consequences? (c) Jane, aged 2 years, refuses to eat the food that has been prepared for lunch. How would you apply consequences?

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Imagine you are planning a group experience for five 4-year-old children. Identify and write down your expected limits before beginning the experience. Decide: (a) how you will communicate the limits to the children (b) how you might guide inappropriate behaviour by using the sequence outlined in applying logical consequences.

Recommended reading Rodd, Jillian. Understanding Young Children’s Behaviour. Allen & Unwin, Sydney, 1996.

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Rodd, Jillian. Leadership in Early Childhood: The Pathway to Professionalism. 2nd edn. Allen & Unwin, Sydney, 1998. Rogers, William. You’re Not the Boss of Me. Lady Gowrie Child Centre, Melbourne, 1992.

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Stonehouse, Anne. Discipline: A Child’s View for Parents. Crèche & Kindergarten Association of Queensland, 1994, 2nd edn.

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strategies n o ti a ic n u m m o c e iv it Pos in a quality environment Maintaining a satisfactory relationship with children and appropriately guiding their behaviour requires more than simply planning and implementing effective strategies. It is essential that adults develop communication skills of listening and responding as part of their interaction with infants and young children. Through these adult interactions, children in a quality early childhood learning environment will learn positive communication skills based on respect and equality. When caregivers and children are valued, with their feelings being acknowledged and validated, then they are more likely to behave in a socially competent manner. Using the skills and strategies outlined in this section the reader will communicate effectively with children and facilitate a high self-esteem environment. Included in this section: • using encouragement • active and reflective listening • acknowledging feelings • ‘I’ statements • effective conflict resolution and collaborative problem-solving.

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Using encouragement

Encouragement is the most self-esteem–enhancing tool a responsive caregiver can have. Used appropriately, encouragement enhances selfesteem and prosocial behaviour. It focuses on the child rather than the adult. Encouragement conveys respect and acceptance. It helps children feel that the adult is interested in them and that the adult has taken time to notice what they are doing or how they are feeling. Encouragement is an important aspect in the development of cooperative and contributive attitudes in children. It feels satisfying to a child to have somebody making a comment or showing an interest in what the child is doing, rather than just making statements of ‘Good girl’ or ‘Good boy’ after the child has achieved something. Encouragement is different from praise, as praise implies judgement or reward. It can be difficult to implement encouraging language because we have been raised with praise ourselves. However, children will develop a more positive sense of self-worth if encouragement is used

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so it is important to change one’s focus from praise to encouragement. Children who are only used to praise may become dependent on it. In other words, they may feel, ‘I am worthwhile only when you are telling me I’m good or that something I’ve done is well done.’ Young children who rely on praise in order to feel accepted will continue in this manner throughout their lives and thus may become very dependent on other people’s judgement of their worth rather than developing a sense of ‘I believe I am OK’. Praise is very much an adult judgement. Praise depends upon an adult saying, ‘You are doing it the way I think you should do it.’ Praise can be a type of reward given by an adult. Because it is an external reward, rather than an intrinsic motivation, praise always depends on someone else telling the child she is good or she is accepted. This may well lead to peer group problems in adolescent years as young people will desire their peers’ acceptance.

Figure 13.1: the cycle of encouragement. Responsive adults will use encouragement to assist children’s feelings of self-worth and acceptance

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Using encouragement

As responsive caregivers we need to encourage children to feel accepted and comfortable with themselves. Children need to make their own judgements of self-worth and not be dependent on another person to make those judgements. A feeling of being a worthwhile and unique person comes from adults accepting the child as she is, not from adults judging the child on her performance and her achievements. Children believe the messages that adults either state or non-verbally convey to them. They need feedback, not judgement, from adults. Responsive adults will use encouragement to assist children’s feelings of self-worth and acceptance by focusing on actual observations, rather than inferences, of what the child is doing, how she seems to be feeling and what her needs may be. For example, a child who is doing a particularly difficult construction may look like he is going to give up. As a responsive caregiver you will not say, ‘Well done’ because it is not completed, nor do you want to make that sort of judgement. However, you can say, ‘Wow, Theo, I can see you are working really hard at that construction. Look, you’ve finished doing one side already.’

Praise

Encouragement

Requires adult judgement of worth

Is honest feedback seen from child’s perspective Focuses on the child and the process Focuses on the child’s feelings Is seen as motivator to continue

Focuses on end-product or outcome Is seen as a type of reward for pleasing the adult Is an external motivation Can send an insincere message Does not allow the child to self-evaluate Does not contribute to self-worth

For example: Toddler has a dry nappy for a few hours: ‘Good boy, Sam.’

Is an intrinsic motivator Sends an honest message without over-emphasis Considers child’s views of the process Strengthens self-esteem and self-worth Treats children with respect and acknowledges their feeling For example: Toddler has a dry nappy for a few hours: ‘You kept your nappy dry, Sam. I bet you’re happy to feel so comfortable.’

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As mentioned earlier, it can be difficult changing our own language from praise to encouragement so maybe you would like to try some of these phrases for a start.

Phrases to try Phrases that express achievement or difficulty • • • • • • • • • • • •

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Wow, you did it all by yourself. It looks like you’ve worked really hard on that. You’ve nearly finished. You looked so pleased. You’re nearly there, you can do it. I bet it feels good to have done it all by yourself. How do you feel about it? I really enjoy listening to you reading. Gee, you’ve put a lot of thought into that. It looks like you’re feeling really disappointed. How about we talk? Seems like you’re really mad because it won’t go right. Looks like you’re feeling really happy about your teacher’s comments. You’ve been concentrating there for so long. It looks like you’re really enjoying it. It looks like you don’t feel like staying there for long and you want to go on to something else. You look like you’re feeling worried about those comments.

Phrases that are appropriate to use for independence and routine times like dressing, toileting and eating • • • • • • • • •

Look, you’ve nearly finished. You must have enjoyed that. I bet it feels good to have done it by yourself. You looked so pleased about your new clothes. Wow, you went to the toilet all by yourself. You kept your nappy dry – it looks like you’re happy about that. You look really pleased about going to the toilet all by yourself. I can see you’ve dressed all by yourself. You look really happy about the way you’ve dressed yourself. You really enjoy dressing yourself, don’t you?

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• Looks like you were really hungry. You’ve eaten everything for lunch. • You must have been feeling thirsty. You’ve finished your drink and are ready for another one.

Phrases that express appreciation for helping • You’ve put everything back in it’s right place. Thank you, that saves me from doing it. • Wow, you’ve nearly finished doing that. You must be pleased. • I bet it feels good to have done that yourself, rather than waiting for me to do it. • That is pretty tricky, but I’m sure you can do it. • Thanks for doing that, it really saves me time. • We all really enjoyed that food you prepared.

Phrases to use with artwork or children’s play activities • You’ve mixed different colours to make a new colour here. Would you like to tell me how you did it? • Look at all the colours you’ve used in your painting. • Look at the way you’ve put that on to your page. • Seems like you’re really mad because it won’t go the way you want it to. • It’s quite difficult, isn’t it? But I’m sure you can do it. • You’ve been concentrating there for so long. It looks like you’re really enjoying doing that. • Look at the way you’ve put those together. They’re really staying on well. • You must be pleased that you’ve worked it out so that they would stay on. It is important that responsive caregivers be aware that showing encouragement may be as simple as the type of experiences they are providing for children. Adults need to accept that children are all different and each one needs a range of experiences from effortless to challenging. Then, children can try out their skills and feel comfortable about themselves in order to not feel discouraged. Children need to develop their own initiative and understanding over many aspects of their lives. Their own individual exploration will lead them to feelings of self-awareness and acceptance of their own strengths and weaknesses. If you recall chapter 3, you will remember that this is an important feature of positive self-esteem. Children do not need other people to focus on their weaknesses. They do need responsive adults who will appreciate, encourage and acknowledge them.

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Review activities 1

Identify and describe the significant features of encouragement.

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Describe the influence of encouragement on children’s self-esteem. Outline the effect it will have on their sense of worth and their sense of competence.

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Read the following statement of praise and convert it to a phrase of encouragement. ‘Good girl, Alysha! You’ve finished all your fruit.’

Activities for further learning 1

Consider a time in your childhood when you felt another person encouraged you. You probably felt they believed in you, and they focused on what you could do instead of what you couldn’t do. Think about what this person did or said. As a child how did that make you feel? Write down three implications your experience may have for you as a responsive caregiver of young children.

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Write an encouraging letter or note to another adult or a child recognising their positive behaviour and acknowledging their feelings.

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Consider this situation. Ashleigh has been busy packing away the dough toys. On previous occasions, it seems that Ashleigh deliberately avoids packing away but on this occasion she is assisting. The caregiver says to Ashleigh, ‘Thank you for helping, Ashleigh. The other children really appreciate you doing some with them.’ Ashleigh responded, ‘Yes, I put the rolling pins away and I cleaned the table.’ The next day when the dough toys were out and it was time to put it away, the caregiver noticed that Ashleigh initiated the packing away process herself.

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(a) Describe the process of encouragement being used in this case study. (b) What consequence did encouragement have for Ashleigh, the other children and the caregiver? (c) Consider Ashleigh’s possible responses if the statement of praise such as ‘Good girl’ had been used instead of encouragement. Include in your discussion the effect a statement of praise may have had on Ashleigh’s self-esteem and on her sense of competence.

Recommended reading Katz, L.G. & McClellan, D.E. Fostering Children’s Social Competence. NAEYC, Washington DC, 1997. Rodd, Jillian. Understanding Young Children’s Behaviour. Allen & Unwin, NSW, Australia, 1996. Stonehouse, Anne. How Does It Feel? AECA, ACT, 1994.

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Positive communicati

In chapter 4, ‘Positive interactions with infants’ and chapter 5, ‘Positive interactions with young children’, it was said that the concepts of mutual respect, equality, freedom of choice, cooperation, acceptance and responsibility are all necessary in order to develop effective and trusting democratic relationships. However, to maintain a satisfying relationship with children you need to be able to communicate effectively with them, both in talking and in listening, and so demonstrate mutual respect. This means that both children and adults will allow each other to express their feelings honestly without fear of rejection or disapproval.

Communicating with children When adults and young children communicate in this way, both will develop ‘good’ feelings about themselves, and children will feel valued

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and accepted and have a high level of self-esteem. Responsive caregivers will use effective communication, talking about what children are able to do, and recognising the efforts they are making. Effective communication is honest, is not condescending to children, and is sensitive, acknowledging that it is not necessary to say everything that may be thought or felt. It is important that the caregiver’s tone of voice is pleasant and expressive, reflecting friendliness and interest in young children. Children need to be given time to ‘talk back’ or reciprocate their conversation with adults who follow up their ideas, thus helping children feel worthwhile and accepted. For instance, when Sammy comes to the early childhood centre on Monday morning he may tell the caregiver, ‘I went to Nanna’s yesterday night.’ A response could be: ‘Did you?’ However, that does not indicate interest or acceptance, it merely closes the conversation. A sensitive and interested quality response would be: ‘It sounds like it was night-time when you were at Nanna’s. Did you have tea there, Sammy?’ and so the conversation would progress. It may even continue with the caregiver telling Sammy what he had for tea. For example, Sammy may have responded, ‘Yes, we had yummy chicken and chips for tea.’ The caregiver’s reply could then have been: ‘It sounds like you really enjoyed your tea. I enjoyed my tea also. I had cheese on toast last night. Do you ever have that, Sammy?’ As you can see, Sammy will feel accepted and worthwhile through this caregiver showing genuine interest, giving him time and attention. Positive and responsive communication will also occur through non-verbal behaviour using a warm, open, accepting manner and respectful body language. As so much communication is non-verbal, caregivers need to be very aware of their manner with young children. Open body language is demonstrated when caregivers position themselves at the children’s or babies’ level and maintain eye contact, when they are relaxed and warm in their approach, when they are smiling not only with their mouth but also with their eyes, and when they are conveying the message ‘I like being with you’ to infants and children. Through this warm, open manner and a calm, reassuring voice, caregivers can convey democratic values which will enhance effective communication. One way of doing this is through the process of encouragement, which was discussed in chapter 13.

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Encouragement is a way of focusing on the child’s effort or process of working towards something, in order to build the child’s self-esteem and confidence. When encouragement is used it allows children to feel good about themselves and accepted, even when things don’t go right. The caregiver will show acceptance of children even when their behaviour may not be appropriate.

Adults will show acceptance of children even when their behaviour might not be appropriate

After continual praise, children may start to believe that their worth is dependent upon what others think of them, whereas encouragement helps a child become self-motivated. You may wish to reflect on the examples of encouragement given in chapter 13 or consider the following situation. When Joshua finishes his drink and the caregiver says, ‘Good boy, Joshua’, that is praise. It is focusing on the caregiver’s perception of her value of Joshua and does not help Joshua understand why you think he is ‘good’. However, if the caregiver says, ‘It looks like

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you really enjoyed that drink, Joshua’, that is encouragement. It is focusing on Joshua’s feelings and helps him clarify why the caregiver is encouraging. Just as in effective communication words are not always necessary for children to feel encouragement, touch is also important. For instance, a reassuring cuddle, a pat on the shoulder or a smile of acceptance all help children to feel valued for who and what they are.

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Allowing children to express feelings Self-concept is influenced by how we feel about ourselves and our beliefs. All humans have feelings and emotions, and each person develops their own beliefs and values about acceptable and non-acceptable emotions. These beliefs are greatly dependent on parental or significant caregiver values. Thus children’s acceptance and understanding of emotions will be influenced by what has been approved or disapproved of in their upbringing. Feelings are real and a part of being human. Through appropriate communication, caregivers will learn to help children acknowledge how they feel and teach them appropriate ways to express feelings. Children need freedom to express both their positive and negative feelings. Sharing positive feelings such as joy, pleasure, contentment and happiness enriches relationships. Learning to appropriately express negative feelings such as anger, hate, jealousy and revenge is an important social skill. Sometimes feelings seem so strong that people want to push them aside, but feelings are emotions that need to be understood, accepted and appropriately expressed. It is important for a child’s mental health that she learns that it is okay to have feelings. For instance, for a long time the right to feel pain and sadness seemed to be reserved only for females. This is changing along with the changing society we discussed in chapter 2. Other examples of changing ideas that are now seen as more acceptable are boys being able to express sorrow and girls to express anger.

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Reflective or active listening It is good to express feelings and get them out into the open. We need to help children acknowledge their feelings in an appropriate way. We can do this by effectively and sensitively listening to children, then reflecting back to them the feeling we think they are verbally or non-verbally expressing. For example, a reflective statement might be: ‘Jono, it seems like you’re feeling really mad with Tom because you wanted to sit there’, when Jono bites and pushes Tom from the chair he wanted. To simply say, ‘Jono, don’t bite Tom’ indicates little understanding of Jono’s feelings. Reflective listening acknowledges that it’s okay to have the feeling and acknowledges the problem. Even though we may acknowledge to the child that it is okay to have the feeling, we need to teach appropriate ways to channel that feeling; for instance, using the above example: ‘It seems like you’re feeling mad with Tom because you wanted to sit there. That’s okay, but you must not bite him. I would like you to come and use this lovely, soft clay. You can hit and squelch that.’ A further example: ‘It seems like you’re feeling really angry with me at bringing you inside right now, but I still will not allow you to hit me. Let’s go and punch the punching ball instead.’ Children will feel understood when the meaning of their behaviour or language is acknowledged and accepted. Reflective listening needs to be expressed in a calm, encouraging manner, and is better if stated in a tentative way in case we’re wrong about what or why the child is feeling. However, if you are unsure it is okay to make a guess about the feeling being expressed, as children will usually correct you if they believe you are genuinely sincere and accepting. For example, when Susie falls over in the playground, she grazes her knee and breaks off the arm of the doll she is carrying. A caregiver might cuddle her and say: ‘Susie, it seems like you’re feeling really sore from your hurt knee.’ Susie’s sobbing reply may indicate something different: ‘No … [sob] … but I broke Tiffany’s arm off … [sob].’ That gives a different direction for the caregiver’s next reflective statement: ‘You seem to be really unhappy about Tiffany’s arm. Let’s see what we

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can do.’ Thus the caregiver will show acceptance and understanding while reassuring the child. Children who are listened to and receive these responsive messages come to feel valued and respected. Reflective listening can also be used in the same way when children have a problem and come to you for help. For instance, a child using a frustrated voice says: ‘These blocks just won’t stay right.’ A responsive caregiver will reply: ‘It seems like you’re really annoyed about those blocks. What do you think we can do about it?’, thus acknowledging the child’s feelings while encouraging responsibility and decision-making. Of course, an infant or toddler may simply express the above by throwing the blocks across the room. The same feelings are present, although very young children may be unable to identify their emotions. The caregiver’s attitude, body language and tone of voice will best demonstrate acknowledgement and understanding. So, using a warm manner and positioning herself at the toddler’s level, the caregiver may calmly say, ‘It seems like you’re feeling really frustrated with those blocks, Lou. How about I find you some that will stack okay?’ and then stay close by to reassure and redirect if necessary. As you can see, reflective listening can be used as an initiator to help children solve problems and explore alternatives. By using reflective listening you can encourage children to express and feel okay about emotions and, if appropriate, you can also involve them in working out a solution.

Children’s fears Children’s fears should also be handled in this way. During the preschool years, in particular, young children express many fears and anxieties of their real and imaginary worlds. This fear is an emotion that should be acknowledged; however, there is also some reality involved. For instance, it needs to be understood that the space under the bed is not inhabited by a dragon, but the child still needs reassurance. With adult guidance, children can learn to acknowledge and handle fears because they develop the intellectual capacity to accept reality. Be willing to offer calm, warm support without giving undue attention. For example, you may be out walking with children

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when they see a large dog across the road. One of the children, Daniel, stiffens and tightens his grip on your hand. You will: 1 acknowledge the fear 2 encourage the acceptance of reality 3 give reassurance. So you may decide to squat at the children’s level and say: ‘Daniel, it seems like you’re feeling frightened of that dog [step 1] … Yes, he is big, isn’t he? … Yes, dogs do sometimes bite people, particularly if they hurt them … We need to keep walking so that we can go to the shop and buy some bread [step 2] … Let’s have a cuddle and then we’ll hold hands really tightly as we skip along [step 3].’ If caregivers are to assist young children in feeling valued and respected, then it is important to use reflective listening techniques for both verbal and non-verbal behaviour. Children will gradually begin to understand their own and others’ emotions, modelling their behaviour on the responsive adults around them. Caregivers will be able to develop their own vocabulary list of words that they feel comfortable using. Table 14.1 is a feeling word list to help you get started in identifying and acknowledging emotions. For more help refer to ‘Activities for further learning’ at the conclusion of this chapter. Happy feelings

Upset feelings

accepted

angry

appreciated

anxious

capable

defeated

confident

disappointed

delighted

discouraged

encouraged

embarrassed

excited

frightened

grateful

hurt

happy

inadequate

pleased

miserable

proud

sad

respected

unhappy

satisfied

worried

Table 14.1: Feeling word list

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Allowing caregivers to express feelings So far we have discussed situations where children have problems and are expressing emotions, but consideration also needs to be given to caregivers’ problems and feelings. Responsive caregivers will effectively and respectfully communicate their feelings to children, thus encouraging appropriate behaviour. An example may be when children are using some new equipment inappropriately, causing concern or a problem for the caregiver, who may say, ‘You shouldn’t use it like that’ or ‘You should know better than that, Polly’. As was described earlier in this chapter, this sort of negative communication is discouraging and non-accepting. A more appropriate response would be: ‘When you bang the pieces together, I feel concerned because our equipment will be broken’. This message is nonjudgemental and does not lay blame, nor does it attack the child’s selfesteem by saying she should know better. It is simply a calm statement expressing the caregiver’s feelings about a particular behaviour. It is called an ‘I’ message.

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‘I’ messages In order to be most effective and understandable, an ‘I’ message has three parts: 1 describes the behaviour that is causing the problem: ‘when you bang the pieces together’ 2 states the feeling that you have: ‘I feel concerned’ 3 outlines the consequences the behaviour may cause (or why you feel as you do): ‘because our equipment will be broken’. When communicating with younger children it is more effective to simplify the ‘I’ message, while at the same time responding by intervening physically. For instance, in the above example the responsive caregiver would move the toddler away while saying, ‘I’m concerned our equipment will be broken’, and redirect the child’s behaviour. ‘I’ messages are very effective means of communicating your own feelings to children, and are thus appropriate for positive as well

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as negative feelings. An ‘I’ statement can be very encouraging and appreciative. For example, ‘I really appreciated you packing all the blocks away, Gino. It made cleaning up so much easier.’ Again, the three parts were used, but in different sequence: 1 states the feeling: ‘I really appreciated’ 2 describes the behaviour: ‘you packing all the blocks away’ 3 outlines the reasons: ‘it made cleaning up so much easier’. The sequence is not at all important. What is essential is that the message conveyed is genuine and respectful. Children and adults need to be allowed to express feelings and be listened to without fear of being put down. When we communicate we convey our beliefs, values and respect for our children as individuals. The communication skills that have been outlined are designed to enhance understanding between adults and children, thus encouraging positive relationships. With improved relationships, infants and children are more likely to behave appropriately. However, an encouraging manner, reflective listening and ‘I’ messages will need to be used in conjunction with the responsive guidance techniques outlined in section 5.

Review activities 1

Outline three effective forms of communication which will enhance positive relationships and extend the democratic values described in chapter 2.

2

Describe what is meant by ‘feelings’. How can infants and young children be helped to accept them?

3

Describe how a responsive caregiver would handle children’s expressions of fear or anxiety.

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Outline the three parts of an appropriate statement expressing your feelings to children in a respectful manner.

Activities for further learning 1

Identify as many ‘feelings’ words as possible. Consider these and make a list of words which young children would understand.

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2

Observe the behaviour of infants and young children, or even adults. Identify examples of non-verbal expression of feelings and decide on appropriate responses that acknowledge these feelings.

3

Respond to the following with a reflective listening statement: (a) A 5-year-old boy whom you know sobs and says no-one wants to play with him. (b) A 3-year-old girl in your centre screams at you when you remove her from the sandpit for repeatedly throwing sand. (c) A 2-year-old child greets you in the morning with a smiling face and enthusiasm. (d) A 10-month-old baby is crying when her parents walk out the door after saying goodbye.

4

Practise expressing your feelings through using ‘I’ messages for the following situations: (a) You come into the toilet and the whole roll of toilet paper has been unravelled into the toilet by a 2-year-old child. (b) You are telling a story to a group of 4-year-old children and one of them continually interrupts. (c) A 3-year-old child has just finished setting the tables for lunch.

5

Be ready to use positive communication skills whenever appropriate.

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Recommended reading Faber, A. & Mazlish, E. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. HarperCollins Publishers, NY, 1999.

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lution Effective conflict reso and collaborative problem-solving

A group of 3-year-olds are playing outside, and some of them are on the bikes. Two of these children are fighting over the only ‘big’ bike in the playground. Maria, the physically bigger child, is trying to pull the bike away from Rachel. Rachel hits back, screaming, ‘No, I want it! I want it! It’s mine!’ The caregiver walks over and says, ‘Maria, Rachel had the bike first. Give it back. You can have a turn later.’ Maria refuses and a struggle results. The caregiver again says, ‘Maria, it’s Rachel’s turn. You can go and sit inside and wait.’ Maria walks away with her head down, destroying a child’s block construction on her way through. How can the responsive adult assist children in resolving such disputes as this?

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Conflict resolution in a quality early childhood service Prosocial behaviour does not just happen by putting children in situations, then setting the limits. The adult has the responsibility to actually make it happen. Children are being given all sorts of different messages from our society and from their environments. They see people on television achieving what they want by power, by superiority, by force. They see adults getting their own way, by using their stronger and more superior skill. This creates a dilemma for some children as to what is appropriate in sorting out problems. Some discouraged children find their only sense of belonging is by being difficult and their only source of power is to refuse to cooperate. These children are in particular need of assistance towards prosocial behaviour through our encouragement and nurturing guidance, not through adult power or superiority. Prosocial behaviour is that which is socially acceptable within a given situation. Although most children have a natural inclination towards compassion and acceptance of others, strategies for favourable behaviour need to be promoted by adults. Children need to achieve a feeling of ‘win–win’ through resolving disputes acceptably, emerging from a situation still feeling comfortable about themselves. At the beginning of this book, the correlation between self-esteem and behaviour was discussed. Adults need to continue to enhance that selfesteem factor through the manner in which they assist children in their acceptable behaviour. Resolution of conflict is probably one of the most challenging issues for early childhood workers. In a high-quality caregiving environment, children are respected and valued. All opinions and feelings are considered to be worthwhile and are listened to. Children are encouraged to feel a sense of belonging and worth, together with ownership, independence and responsibility. Effective conflict resolution will enhance all of these feelings thus promoting high selfesteem. Consider the situation described earlier between Maria and Rachel. Maria was directed to ‘go and sit inside to wait’. How did this affect her ensuing behaviour? There may have been a different outcome for

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this situation if the adult had listened to both children and assisted them in deciding what should happen. When young children feel worthwhile and self-discipline is fostered, then they are more likely to resolve problems independently and acceptably. However, adults have to expect and trust that children will do this in developmentally appropriate ways. Children’s own sense of competence and worth (their self-esteem), together with adult guidance, can assist children towards prosocial responses.

Teaching prosocial behaviour Indirect methods for effective conflict resolution Indirect guidance is the management of the space, equipment, materials and people to ensure that an optimum environment is available to the children. It is a way of an adult indirectly setting limits through appropriate equipment and supplementary materials. Responsive adults will plan for and set up conflict-free play before children are involved in the experience. They will ensure adequate play space and materials for the particular group of children or for individuals.

Direct guidance methods for effective conflict resolution In order to manage children’s conflicts effectively the responsive adult will recognise not only the significance of indirect guidance but also strategies that may be used at the time of the conflict. Consider the communication skills you use when you are in a problem situation with another adult. Hopefully, you express your opinion and you listen to theirs. This is what we want to encourage in children; however, it needs to be taught and modelled by adults. Responsive adults have a role in assisting children in finding more acceptable ways of resolving problems rather than using antisocial behaviour. Antisocial behaviour leads to a situation where there are winners and losers. When someone loses out, self-esteem is affected and power struggles often result.

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The adult’s role in reinforcing prosocial behaviour: •

setting clear and reasonable limits and explaining in an honest, fair manner

•

focusing on positive behaviours and encouraging socially acceptable interactions by using phrases of encouragement

•

modelling acceptable behaviours in interactions with children and other adults

•

being aware of the goals of behaviour, both for adults and for children, and avoiding power struggles

•

using choices and consequences rather than punishment

•

involving children in limit-setting.

Responsive adults have a role in assisting children to find more acceptable ways of resolving problems rather than using antisocial behaviour

Helping children to help themselves Responsive caregivers need to be aware of developmentally appropriate strategies for conflict resolution.

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Toddlers Toddlers are still egocentric and usually at a parallel play stage. This means they find it very hard to share. They find it difficult to put themselves in other people’s shoes and understand other people’s feelings. Toddlers want it ‘my’ way. Responsive adults will be aware of their expectations of toddlers and will model cooperative behaviour themselves, both with children and adults. Conflict resolution should be used between adults, so that it is modelled. Adults need to assist young children in finding a solution, then help them follow conflict resolution skills through. For example, when Kylie, the caregiver, sees 2-year-old Sam hitting another child with a block that he wants, she could say to him, ‘Sam, you could ask for the big block instead of hitting Frank.’ Responsive adults will encourage children to talk to each other rather than relying on the adult intervening all the time. When Jeda takes Mona’s biscuit, the caregiver could say, ‘Mona, tell Jeda you don’t like it when she takes our biscuit from you. Say to her, “Jeda, that is my biscuit and I want to eat it.” ’ Young children just want to react. This is normal as they have not yet developed their conflict skills, and we need to help them do this. Skills to resolve disputes acceptably will be taught by responsive adults. The responsive adult in the above situation will encourage children’s prosocial actions when they happen. For instance, after Mona tells Jeda that it is her biscuit, the adult will respond to Mona by saying, ‘Mona, you said that to Jeda all by yourself. I bet you feel pleased.’ By doing this, the adult is assisting these young children not only by teaching them the strategies to resolve conflict but also by empowering children to do it themselves. There are times when adults expect too much of young children. Toddlers may find it difficult to verbalise their needs and wants; therefore saying to a young child ‘Use your words’ might be like asking them to speak an unknown language. Toddlers find it hard to put labels on their feelings in order to express themselves. Additionally, there will be times when they want something just because someone else has it, which is very typical toddler behaviour. Adults need to be careful not to give unacceptable behaviour too much attention; otherwise it will be reinforced. A clear and simple

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statement is usually all that is necessary as a response. Responsive adults will remember that children develop skills to communicate, to share, to resolve disputes and to be with groups of children in their own time, when they are ready.

Preschoolers As has already been noted, most children between 3 and 6 years of age are in Erikson’s stage of initiative versus guilt. Preschoolers are more cooperative than toddlers. The peer group is important to them, and they care about what other people think. Preschoolers are beginning to show a sense of fairness and have the beginnings of moral development. These children are ready to help take on responsibility for their own behaviour and their own thought processes. Responsive adults will be careful to avoid taking over their decisions and will encourage them to make decisions for themselves. As described below, adults will assist preschoolers in thinking through situations enabling them to feel a sense of control over their own decisions. Self-esteem, self-worth and enhanced social interactions are promoted using this approach.

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Assisting independent problem-solving through exploring alternatives There is a very effective conflict resolution method that can be used to facilitate preschool children’s ability to resolve problems themselves that is called ‘exploring alternatives’. Responsive adults will help children understand the reasons for a problem, assisting them in identifying and considering options available for resolving the conflict. They can then help children follow through with more acceptable behaviour. In the 3–5-year-old room, a group of children were playing with a wooden train set. One of the children, Joel, aged 31⁄2, was having difficulty linking the tracks. When he could not join a piece he threw it away and picked up another piece. The thrown piece of track hit another child. Joel kept throwing bits of track. Margaret, the caregiver, approached Joel and said, ‘Joel, it seems like you’re really mad because your train set won’t fit together. But it is really dangerous to throw the pieces around.’ Joel replied, ‘But I’m mad they won’t fit.’ And he showed Margaret how they wouldn’t go together. Margaret

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said, ‘I wonder if there is another way of joining the tracks together. Is there something else you could do?’ Joel suggested a couple of ways, then Margaret suggested a couple of different ways. By trial and error, together with lots of encouragement from Margaret, Joel began to turn the pieces over and around and then said, ‘Yes, I could. Look, it works if I do it this way.’ Margaret said, ‘So how about you try doing it that way now, and I’ll come and see how you’re getting on in a little while?’ Joel and the other children resumed their activity. Their play became constructive and cooperative as they worked together to build the train track with associated buildings. In this situation Margaret and the children worked together to explore alternatives to Joel’s problem. Responsive caregivers will be aware of each of the five steps (shown below), and will use them in an informal manner. It is possible to identify five steps for facilitating this ‘exploring alternative’ process: Step 1: Step 2: Step 3: Step 4: Step 5:

Identifying the problem. Brain storming alternative solutions. Deciding on a solution that is prosocial and acceptable. Ensuring that the decision is clearly understood by all concerned. Suggesting a later time to review the situation.

Imagine Le, Kate and Tanya are all playing in the block corner. Kate wants all the long blocks to build a road, and Le and Tanya are punching her in order to stop her taking them. George, the caregiver, steps in and facilitates using the above five steps of the ‘exploring alternatives’ process. George quietly kneels down near the three girls and says, ‘Le, Kate and Tanya, it seems that you three are finding it hard to use the blocks properly.’ ‘Yes, well, you see, Kate is taking all our long blocks,’ says Le. ‘It looks like you want some of the long blocks also, Le,’ comments George. ‘Yes, I want to finish my house.’ ‘Well,’ says George, ‘if you need some to finish your house and Kate feels she needs them all for her road, what can we do?’ Kate responds, ‘I could just have them.’ Le says, ‘No.’ Tanya then adds, ‘I think Kate should go out of the block corner.’ To which Le replies, ‘Yes, we’ll play here by ourselves.’

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George quietly intervenes, saying, ‘It seems like Kate is pretty busy here, though. What else could you do?’ Kate says, ‘I could give them some. Tanya happily replies, ‘Yes, you could!’ To which George says, ‘It looks like you’ve worked out what you could do. Kate, what do you think will happen if you let Tanya and Le have some of the long blocks?’ Kate happily responds, ‘I think we’ll keep playing, and we can build a road going up to their house.’ George then asks, ‘Are you okay about that, Le and Tanya? Kate will give you some of the long blocks so that you can use them also. Then you can all stay and build more.’ ‘Yeah!’ agree Le and Tanya. ‘Okay,’ says George, ‘I’ll come back and see how the road and houses are going after I’ve read Lam a story.’

The conflict resolution process

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Responsive adults will use effective communication skills to facilitate the conflict resolution process. George was able to guide these children successfully through a process of exploring alternatives to resolve their conflict. By doing this he empowered them and helped them feel comfortable with their decision. In this way, they came to a win–win resolution. The five steps outlined above for resolving conflict through exploring alternatives were used effectively by George. The steps can be identified as:

Step 1: Identifying the problem Using step 1, George identified the problem. He quietly knelt down where all three girls were fighting. He said, ‘Le, Kate and Tanya, it seems like you three are finding it hard to use the blocks properly.’ He then talked more with them about the problem reflecting their feelings and perceptions.

Step 2: Brainstorming alternative solutions He then moved to step 2 when he said, ‘Well, if you need to finish your house and Kate feels she needs them all for her road, what can we do?’ This was brainstorming. He continued to brainstorm with Kate, Le and Tanya, coming up with ideas. He also asked, ‘What else could you do?’ to encourage them to think more.

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Step 3: Deciding on a prosocial solution An acceptable decision was made so George said, ‘It looks like you’ve worked out what you could do. Kate, what do you think will happen if you let Tanya and Le have some of the long blocks?’

Step 4: Ensuring that the decision is clearly understood George repeated the decision, saying, ‘Are you okay about that, Le and Tanya? Kate will give you some of the long blocks so that you can use them also. Then you can all stay and build more.’ Le and Tanya agreed to the decision.

Step 5: Suggesting a later time to review the situation George made sure that he let them know he would come back and talk about it further. So he used step 5. ‘Okay,’ said George, ‘I will come back and see how the roads and houses are going after I’ve read Lam a story.’ Dividing the process into these five steps enables the adult to take a potentially difficult situation and break it down into a simple sequential process. As in the development of other skills, effective conflict resolution takes time and practice. Responsive adults will demonstrate equality and respect through their voice and body, promoting children’s self-confidence in their own skills and abilities.

Conflict resolution and effective communication Listening to children’s problems As discussed in chapter 14, responsive adults know how to listen to children effectively, acknowledging their feelings and actions through reflective statements. When adults use a reflective statement they are viewing situations from the child’s perspective, identifying feelings the child might be having or expressing.

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Even though the adult may be perceptive, one cannot be certain about children’s feelings. The adult makes an assumption about the feelings. This means that the initial statement needs to indicate a ‘perhaps’ factor. In other words, it should be tentatively acknowledging the feeling the child appears to have. Responsive adults will find it a useful practice to say, ‘It seems like you’re feeling …’ In this way, a reflective statement can be used very naturally. Making a statement such as this has a very different meaning from asking children, ‘Are you angry?’ The first statement implies acceptance and empathy, whereas the latter is simply expecting an answer that can be purely ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

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Talking with children about their behaviour Responsive caregivers will use ‘I’ statements to express their own feelings about children’s behaviour. It is important for children’s affective development that they understand other people have feelings and emotions also. However, until children move out of the egocentric infant stage the feelings of others have little meaning. Once children are at a stage of understanding how their behaviour affects others, then ‘I’ statements become an appropriate communication skill. An ‘I’ statement informs children of the effect their behaviour has on others and the reasons for this. An ‘I’ statement about children’s behaviour will consist of the following aspects: • a simple description of the child’s behaviour • a one- or two-word statement of the adult’s feeling when this behaviour happens • the reasons why the child’s behaviour has this effect on the adult. Thus, an ‘I’ statement will be expressed as follows: ‘Sally, when you throw the Lego I feel really worried because it may hit someone.’ When adults communicate in this way they will discover how effective ‘I’ statements are, particularly with preschoolers, in promoting appropriate behaviour. As stated earlier, conflict resolution skills encourage independent thinking in children. Responsive adults will assist children in finding other, more acceptable ways to resolve problems or disputes rather than using antisocial behaviour.

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Problem ownership Another aspect of conflict resolution available to responsive adults is that of problem ownership. When adults can identify whose problem a given situation involves, then effective communication skills will more easily fall into place. There are two factors to identify in problem ownership. The responsive adult will need to decide if a problem is ‘mine’ or ‘yours’.

Child’s behaviour: causing problems for the child

Child’s behaviour: causing problems for the adult

Who is being obstructed in achieving their needs?

Figure 15.1: Problem ownership

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Problem ownership requires the identification of who is being hindered in achieving their needs, and is represented in figure 15.1. Acknowledging problem ownership is not suggesting that one refrains from assisting when it is another person’s problem, but it enables the most effective communication to be applied. For example, if Suzy is becoming frustrated because her Lego won’t stay together, she owns the problem. The adult could respond with a reflective statement such as, ‘Suzy, it seems like you are feeling mad because your Lego won’t stay together.’ However, if Suzy’s frustration leads her to throw the Lego across the room it affects others and the adult owns the problem. The adult would then respond with an ‘I’ statement: ‘Suzy, when you throw the Lego around, I feel concerned because it might hit someone.’ As it is sometimes difficult to decide who owns the problem, one needs to ask oneself, ‘Who is being affected by this situation?’ In the first instance, Suzy herself was the one being affected, whereas the adult and the other children were affected by the second situation.

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Effective communication enhances prosocial behaviour Understanding problem ownership will assist responsive caregivers in maintaining effective communication during the conflict resolution process. When adults facilitate the conflict resolution process, they are empowering children in using skills to socialise more effectively in our society. They are encouraging cooperative actions and solutions while promoting non-violent strategies for problem behaviours. A responsive and positive role model is tremendously important for children’s affective development. Responsive caregivers who use these methods will be assisting children towards self-discipline and prosocial behaviour.

Review activities 1

Identify what is meant by ‘prosocial behaviour’, and describe the adult’s role.

2

Identify developmentally relevant factors which may influence effective conflict resolution.

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3

Describe the process for effective conflict resolution with preschool-age children.

4

Outline the appropriate communication techniques used for conflict resolution. Describe how these are used.

Activities for further learning Consider the following situation and imagine you are the adult responsible for a small group of 3–4-year-olds who really enjoy outdoor play. There is one child who constantly possesses the swings, refusing to allow other children near them. Naturally this causes arguments and physical aggression, so that some children no longer want to go outside. 1

Identify how you will encourage more cooperative prosocial behaviour.

2

Outline the steps you will take to use the technique of exploring alternatives, describing the sequence of questions and a possible solution that may be appropriate.

3

Observe other adults in adult–child or child–child conflict situations. Note what they are doing and whether or not they reach a successful outcome. Consider what might have been done differently to achieve a win–win outcome.

Recommended reading Faber, A. & Mazlish, E. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. HarperCollins Publishers, NY, 1999. Katz, L.G. & McClellan, D.E. Fostering Children’s Social Competence. NAEYC, Washington DC, 1997.

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ironment v n e ty li a u q a g n ti a re C for behaviour management Children’s behaviour is influenced not only by the nature of adult guidance techniques but also by the experiences and environment provided for them. How an adult sets up the environment can influence the quality of both the play and the adult–child interactions. When individual children are continually involved in antisocial behaviour, then adults will need to plan the environment and guidance strategies even more carefully. Realistic expectations of age-appropriate activities, together with sensitive structuring of the environment, indirectly promote the development of socially appropriate standards for behaviour. Included in this section: • age-appropriate planning • common behavioural concerns: – children who bite – children who fight – children who lie – children who are angry – children who swear – children who find it hard to separate – children who bully – children with ADHD – children who challenge • working collaboratively with groups of children.

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By knowing some general characteristics of infants, toddlers and preschool-aged children, responsive caregivers will provide the optimum environment to guide children’s appropriate behaviour and learning, through planned and incidental play experiences. These characteristics will influence caregivers’ expectations of children, directly affecting the type and number of experiences which will be provided. This is known as developmentally appropriate practice, whereby experiences and expectations are not only age-appropriate but also individually appropriate.

Developmental characteristics of children Frequently actions that caregivers may identify and respond to as misbehaviours are related to developmental characteristics and skill

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acquisition in early childhood. The responsive and effective caregiver will provide warm, affectionate and supportive interaction for all ages and stages, acknowledging that it is necessary to differentiate some characteristics of key ages/stages. Infants are in what Piaget calls the ‘sensorimotor stage’ when they are learning through handling objects, moving about, exploring with hands, body, tongue, ears and eyes. They are also going through a period of attachment and may experience separation anxiety when left in day care. As is described in chapter 5, infants are developing trust in their caregivers and their environments, requiring caregivers to respond quickly to their cries of distress with reassuring support. Infants need to be held and to be talked with about what is happening and what is about to happen. Play involving adults will be interactive and reciprocal so that infants are played with, rather than at. For instance, Charlie, the caregiver, may be on the floor with 10-month-old Guy. He and Guy quietly take turns at Pat-a-Cake on to each other’s hands; each is as involved as the other. Infants respond to many different forms of communication, such as facial expressions, singing and talking, in addition to close physical contact. So, for example, when Charlie is responding to Guy’s cry for food, he will either get down to Guy’s level or pick him up, so that they can look directly at each other. Charlie will gently reassure Guy that his food is coming, perhaps singing to him or rocking him in a pram while he prepares it. Language is interesting to infants so caregivers should talk with them in a natural, gentle manner, avoiding talking down or using baby talk such as ‘you’re my little didum itsy bitsy bobsie wobsie’ or ‘dum, dum, din, din time’. However, responsive caregivers will playfully and respectfully imitate babbling and cooing sounds, responding to infants’ early attempts at language while providing them with opportunities for experimenting with their voices. Encouraging caregivers will provide age-appropriate experiences which are challenging and offer opportunities for infants to practise newly acquired skills. However, they will avoid being expected to entertain all the time, allowing infants opportunities for independent and solitary play. In the situation of Charlie and Guy, Charlie will be

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aware that Guy needs opportunities for solitary play so he may gently say before moving away: ‘Just one more Pat-a-Cake, Guy, and then I need to go and change Tania’s nappy … Look, here’s a lovely soft doll for you to investigate. She can sit up just like you.’ Caregivers will become familiar with each child’s goals and purposes of behaviour, ignoring or limiting the inappropriate behaviour and encouraging appropriate behaviour. Individual infants have different sleeping, eating and playing patterns, and developmental changes will be taking place rapidly. This makes working with infants very challenging but extremely rewarding. Toddlers are showing the beginnings of what Erikson calls ‘autonomy’ as they indicate their own self-awareness and a desire for independence. Caregivers will be supportive of their need for independence by assisting with tasks that may be frustrating while encouraging children to do as much as possible by themselves. As is discussed in section III, toddlers need opportunities to explore and test limits, knowing that caregivers will ensure safe boundaries while acknowledging feelings and needs. For example, Karen, aged 21⁄2 years, is throwing water from the water tray on to another child who has taken her funnel. The caregiver, Ilana, notices this and moves across to kneel down beside Karen. Ilana says, gently yet firmly, ‘Karen, it seems like you’re angry with Jose for taking your funnel, but the water must stay in the tray. Let’s find you another funnel from the basket.’ Children aged 2 or 3 years feel secure in having the same people do things, the same way, day after day. So responsive caregivers will allow children to spend a great deal of time over routines, encouraging their independence and determination to succeed. They will respect children’s individual needs and preferences, modelling appropriate behaviours in their own words and actions. Preschool-aged children are becoming much more social in cooperative play with peers, and like stimulation and extension. They are developing a longer concentration span and may be able to become involved in complex group projects. Caregivers will encourage children’s thinking and conversation by asking open-ended questions and following through with appropriate responses as described in chapters 14 and 15.

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Most 4- and 5-year-olds are independent at routine times and like to be involved in routines

Preschoolers enjoy being part of a group and, with guidance, are capable of making appropriate decisions on limits, eating, sleeping and so on, with the needs of other children in mind. Caregivers will invite children to contribute to group discussions and decision-making by showing respect for them and their ideas, and by appreciating what they have to offer. Most 4- and 5-year-olds are independent at routine times and like to be involved in routines. For instance, Leon, the caregiver, has invited his group of 4-yearold children to discuss how they would like to have the room set up for lunch. Leon says: ‘I thought it would be good if we changed the furniture in the room around for lunchtime today. What do people think about that idea? What do you think, Jane … Peter [asking individual children by name]? Where do you think we should put the tables, Peter?’ and so on. Preschool-aged children are able to be involved in this way because they are less egocentric and moving into the stage that Piaget describes as concrete optional thinking.

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Responsive caregivers will ensure that they acknowledge individual differences between children within the same age group and are aware of this when guiding children’s behaviour. A knowledge of child development allows caregivers to develop certain expectations for the children with whom they are working, so they will plan playrooms, equipment and programs with this knowledge in mind. From their knowledge and experience they will identify expectations for children in physical, social, emotional, cognitive and language development.

ct Using planning to facilitate indire guidance of children’s behaviour Appropriate planning of the environment and the experiences offered to children promotes effective guidance of behaviour in an indirect manner. Indirect guidance influences children’s behaviour through management of the space, the equipment and materials, and the people.

Indirect guidance is the behind-the-scenes management of the space, the equipment and materials, and the people

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It is the behind-the-scenes work that allows children the opportunity to accept responsibility for their own behaviour, to make decisions and to become independent. All of this is encouraging and fosters a positive self-concept in children. It is children who are feeling discouraged and negative who are more likely to misbehave. Responsive and effective caregivers will carry out this indirect management by considering the following aspects of their children’s environment. • The physical set-up and space can be arranged appropriately to particular needs and age groups, with equipment which is appropriate to the space and children. For example, infants will need to be given opportunities for sensory exploration, for pulling themselves up and walking around objects. Toddlers require an environment which allows for large muscle activity such as climbing in, out, under and over, and where they can safely be curious and investigate ‘why’ and ‘how’. Preschool-age children will want opportunities for cooperative small group intimate play, an indoor cubby or home corner, and areas for quiet creative activities. • Appropriate equipment in size and number can be provided according to the group being planned for. Having multiples of equipment will reduce frustrations and power struggles, and will offer children materials that are right for each age/stage group. • Providing only what is required at a given time, and storing materials you would rather children did not use out of sight, reduces the necessity of continuing to repeat limits and offers children only acceptable choices. • A rich and varied program with materials presented in an interesting manner invites children to participate and become involved without needing undue adult intervention. • The caregiver provides children with an appropriate role model by using equipment and materials in an acceptable manner. • The daily schedule, and sequence of routines and experiences, can be altered to suit the pace of the children rather than the caregivers. Some flexibility in schedule and routine should be offered to suit individual needs of children. For example, Su-Qum, aged 18 months, is always ready for a sleep at 11.00 a.m. but lunchtime for the infants is at 11.15 a.m. The responsive caregiver may give Su-Qum a small

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snack before 11.00 a.m., then put her to bed. When Su-Qum wakes she is able to have her lunch and continue playing. A scheduled sequence of events that is followed regularly with only minor changes is most desirable. This offers infants and young children considerable security and knowledge of what to expect. With this planning and evaluation, guidance will no longer be haphazard and inconsistent giving rise to children feeling discouraged and insecure, but it will be effective and encouraging for both children and caregivers.

Review activities 1

2

Using your knowledge and understanding of children’s stages of development, identify skills and behaviours which are characteristic of each of the following age groups: (a) 0–2 years (b) 2–3 years (c) 3–5 years. Describe what is meant by ‘developmentally appropriate practice’.

3

Identify at least four factors in appropriate planning of the environment that will facilitate effective guidance of infants and young children.

4

Describe what is meant by ‘indirect guidance’.

Activities for further learning 1

Observe an infant, a toddler or a preschool-age child in a home setting or an early childhood centre. Consider how the arrangement of furniture, equipment and space makes it easy or difficult for the child to behave appropriately.

2

Identify and list the limits that are being set for the child observed above. Consider whether these correspond with your knowledge of the developmental characteristics of this age group. Reflect on instances where individual needs are being acknowledged.

Recommended reading Curtis, D & Carter, M. The Art of Awareness: How Observation Can Transform Your Teaching. Redleaf Press, Saint Paul, Minn., 2000.

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Faragher, Joan. Children’s Development: 3 to 5 Years, RMIT Publishing, Melbourne 1985 (reprinted 1997). Faragher, Joan & McLean, Janet. Children’s Stages of Development: Birth to 2.5 Years. RMIT Publishing, Melbourne, 1983 (reprinted 1997). St John-Robb, Vivienne. Programming for Infants and Toddlers: Group Care. Lady Gowrie Child Centre, Adelaide, 1998.

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Waters, J, Observation: A Window to the Child. National Gowrie/RAP Consortium, 1999.

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erns: c n o c l ra u io v a h e b n o Comm effective ways to deal with unacceptab le behaviour Children who bite Biting is a common form of behaviour in infants and toddlers, and one that causes a great deal of concern for care-providers and parents. Biting can be very painful and frightening for the bitten child, but it can also be alarming and upsetting for the biter. With their egocentric understanding of the environment and limited language skills, biting is often young children’s only way of expressing their feelings. It is considered to be a developmentally appropriate form of misbehaviour for infants and young children but developmentally inappropriate for older children. However, because a form of behaviour is developmentally appropriate does not mean it should be overlooked. Biting needs to be

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dealt with by meeting the needs of both children and redirecting the unacceptable behaviour into an appropriate outlet. Biting is a very quick and effective way of gaining recognition, albeit negative attention, and the biting child soon realises how promptly people take notice of her. As the reader will be aware from other chapters in this book, the basic goal behind social behaviour is the need to belong, the need for recognition. Hence, no matter what causes the biting, the way it is dealt with should not create undue attention. Infants explore their worlds through oral means and want to put everything into their mouths. When infants are teething they need to be provided with safe, firm items to bite on acceptably. Toddlers may bite as a means to an end, such as wanting another child’s toy, or expressing feelings of anger. They need to have their feelings acknowledged (for they do not yet have the words to articulate themselves) while the bitten child is being comforted. The responsive caregiver will then redirect the behaviour into an acceptable outlet. Some older children bite when they desire control over people or their environment. Again, it is unacceptable behaviour and needs to be calmly dealt with by setting very clear limits and using consequences. As with all inappropriate behaviour, it is essential for adults to focus more on the positives than the negatives. Indirect guidance and the experiences you plan, as discussed in the previous chapter, are essential in effectively managing young children’s biting behaviour.

Appropriate strategies

1 Provide close supervision for a known biter. Observe for patterns of

behaviour that might lead to regular occurrences of biting episodes, identifying the child’s possible goal as described in chapter 9.

2 Remain

calm and provide very clear limits and expectations regarding acceptable and non-acceptable behaviour.

3 Use your indirect guidance methods to ensure that there is always an appropriate sensory experience available in your room to which you can redirect the child.

4 Reassure each child using a firm, calm voice while acknowledging

the feelings of both children. Infants and toddlers are unlikely to

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have the verbal or emotional maturity to deal with their feelings themselves, so the responsive adult will assist children in identifying feelings and offer emotional security. In doing this, infants and young children not only learn that feelings are valid but also develop a vocabulary of appropriate words.

5 Reassure the hurt child, and in a calm manner check for any broken

skin. ‘Jodie, that hurt when Sam bit you, didn’t it?’ As you do this, speak firmly to the biter and say, ‘Sam, it looks like you’re feeling angry, but I can’t let you hurt Jodie. You can either stay or you can go and punch into the messy, wet clay.’ This redirection is essential to channel the child’s feelings into appropriate outlets. Or the responsive caregiver might say, ‘Let’s go and set up the punching bag and you can hit that as hard as you want to.’

6 The

adult will need to move a young child respectfully to the redirected activity, whereas an older child may be given the choice of moving herself or being moved by the adult.

7 If teething is a problem, give the child something else to bite.

The responsive caregiver will ensure that there are activities available to provide acceptable outlets for channelling the feelings of frustrated or angry toddlers and young children. Adults will find it is more effective to let the child deal with her feelings first before trying to talk about the behaviour. The more a child can be in control of her own feelings, knowing ways to manage her behaviour herself, the better for her self-esteem and subsequent development. It is the adult’s role to facilitate this learning by providing the appropriate experiences and using the relevant words, rather than taking over for the child. Some appropriate experiences may be: • Water play with warm soapy water is particularly soothing and calming. • Wet clay provides a very sensory opportunity to let out feelings through thumping and punching the clay, or squishing it between fingers. • Kicking a ball outside. • Using a pillow stuffed with screwed-up newspaper as a punching bag. • Sand and water.

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Responsive adults will ensure that activities are available to provide acceptable outlets for channelling frustrated or angry feelings

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• Building indoor or outdoor cubby houses with large blocks and strips of fabric. • Playing percussion instruments such as bells or drums, or chanting to rhythms.

Children who challenge ‘The energy which makes a child hard to manage is the energy which afterwards makes that child a manager of life.’

Being strong-willed can be a good personality characteristic when it is used appropriately. It often takes the determination that comes with a strong will to achieve difficult tasks. As the reader is aware, the learning and modelling that occurs in the early years will influence the direction and behaviour of later years. Therefore the responsive caregiver will ensure that she does not stifle the determination of a strong-willed child;

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however, there are some children who constantly oppose you, and these children need to develop more acceptable social skills. Toddlers’ stubborn and strong-willed behaviour will pass, particularly if given many opportunities to feel in control themselves. It is when this behaviour continues in the older child that caregivers will need to be more aware of planning appropriate strategies.

Appropriate strategies

1 Avoid

being unnecessarily directive and demanding. Responsive adults will offer children choices when possible. Then when the child makes a choice, it is accepted, even if it is not the adult’s preferred option. If children perceive that the choices you are offering a valid, then they are more likely to accept them. ‘We would like you to sit and have lunch with us, and we’d really like you here. You may go and sit quietly looking at books if you really don’t want to be here.’

2 Avoid giving undue attention when the child refuses to cooperate.

The reader will be aware that children have an emotional and social need to be noticed. Inappropriate behaviour is often reinforced through unnecessary attention. Give attention when the child is not demanding it and focus on her positive behaviour when it occurs. It is important to acknowledge quietly when the challenging child has behaved in a socially acceptable manner. The responsive caregiver might say: ‘Lizzie, thanks for being so quick about coming over to have lunch with us. We’re enjoying this spaghetti, aren’t we?’ Alternatively, the response might be: ‘It looks like you have enjoyed looking at those books, Lizzie. Thanks for sitting quietly while we had lunch.’ Choices and consequences put the challenging child in control of her own behaviour.

3 Ensure

that you follow through with the consequences of a child’s choice. Once you’ve guided a child through choices and consequences, avoid being manipulated by protests. The responsive adult will acknowledge the child’s feelings while maintaining the chosen outcome. ‘Lizzie, it looks like you didn’t really want to sit quietly with books, but I can’t let you race around while we are eating. You can either come to the table and eat, or sit here looking at these books.’

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4 There will be times when there is no choice for the child, for example

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when they may be hitting or biting. The adult will then be very clear about their expectations: ‘It looks like you’re feeling angry, but I will not let you hit Tamara.’ As outlined earlier, the adult will then offer an appropriate redirection. Responsive adults can allow the child some control in this by then offering a choice: ‘You can either play in the block area without hitting Tamara or you can have some blocks over here to build where no one will disturb you.’ Give responsibility whenever possible. As the challenging child likes to feel in control, responsive adults will plan strategies that allow for this. This child is not offered these options when she demands it through inappropriate actions, but whenever possible allow for opportunities for children’s decision-making, thus ensuring that the challenging child is empowered and involved. The responsive caregiver will plan for an early opportunity to give responsible decision-making. For example: ‘Good morning, Jackson. I see you’re wearing a red jumper just like the red on our paint. I wondered whether we should put out some red playdough also. What do you think? Red paint and red playdough? Where could we put it?’ Avoid using directions that invite challenge. It is more acceptable to the challenging child for her to feel that she is making the decision rather than being told what to do. Responsive adults will think about the language they are using and the way the child will interpret that language. ‘Get down off that swing!’ invites a challenge, whereas ‘Swings are for sitting on’ is a statement of fact. Of course, the adult may then need to offer choices and consequences.

Feeling powerful and in control is important for development. Children need to sense that they can be in control of some things, to feel involved and empowered. As the reader will be aware, these are issues particularly for toddlers because they are working towards autonomy and independence. Responsive adults who avoid power struggles by offering the child decision-making alternatives provide young children with the opportunity for acceptable power and control, within the adult’s limits.

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Children who lie Children younger than 3 simply cannot distinguish fact from fiction. The reality is what is here, whether it is wishful thinking or real. The younger the child, the more likely it is that fact and fantasy become blurred. Children often have different viewpoints about incidents, and each firmly believes their perspective to be the actual happening. It is unhelpful for an adult to step in taking sides about who is telling the truth and who isn’t. It is also unhelpful to ask a question about an incident that lays the blame with one or another child. For example, ‘Who started it?’ simply promotes telling tales as very few children will come forward and say, ‘It was me.’ Responsive adults will find ways around these situations through planning strategies for problem-solving and conflict resolution.

Appropriate strategies

1 Avoid putting children in a situation where they feel ‘cornered’ as

described above. You might say: ‘Sarah and Mandy, it looks like you two have a problem with the doll’ even when you know that one child caused the problem. If you say, ‘Mandy, what did you do?’ you can be sure Mandy will respond with ‘Nothing’ or ‘Sarah did it’ just to avoid being cornered.

2 When you know a child is ‘guilty’, avoid asking who did it, but simply deal with the situation. ‘Ben, it looks like you’ve spilt the milk. Let’s find a cloth to wipe it up.’

3 Model appropriate behaviour and language yourself. Be sure to use

honesty in your daily interactions with children. Responsive adults will avoid untruths such as ‘There is no more cake left’ when the child knows full well there is, and might instead say, ‘It looks like you really enjoyed that cake. I know you’d love some more, but we need to keep the other three pieces for the children after school.’ In this way you are helping children sort out reality and truth.

Of course, some adults also encourage much fantasy activity through their continuing explanations of some events such as Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. Responsive adults will be able to assist children to be imaginative by encouraging them to interpret these events as stories,

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thus reinforcing their enjoyment through fantasy. It is important that caregivers provide a fun-loving, humorous and creative environment in which children can learn a love of life.

Children who fight Having differences of opinion and wanting to voice those differences is healthy and indicates that children feel secure. Early childhood centres or home environments are ideal places for children to learn to put forward their views acceptably. Children need to feel secure and comfortable trying to assert themselves and their ideas, but they also need to learn to do so in a prosocial manner. The problem for adults usually is when or how to intervene in children’s squabbles.

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1 When possible, ignore squabbling that is attention seeking. As the

reader is aware, young children will keep repeating behaviour that meets their need for belonging or being noticed. Hence adults who continually intervene or comment when children are squabbling are simply reinforcing this inappropriate behaviour. The responsive adult will either pay no attention to the behaviour or redirect the child towards another aspect of behaviour rather than the squabbling. For example: ‘Abbi, you’re wearing that blue T-shirt again today. I can see the dolphin on the front.’ Obviously, these children require you to notice them and give attention – but not at the time of the squabble. Find opportunities throughout the day to give each child some individual attention and encouragement.

2 When

a child is in danger, intervene immediately. As has been described earlier, adults will not allow children to hurt one another either physically, verbally or emotionally. Most squabbles will not reach a dangerous phase; however, responsive adults will be ready to step in and assist children with prosocial behavioural strategies, as outlined in chapter 10.

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Acknowledge children’s feelings while remaining calm and firm, then identify their problem or issue. ‘Sam and Carl, it looks like you are really angry with each other right now, but I won’t let you kick Sam in the tummy … It seems like you’re feeling mad because you both want to use that blue bike. What do you think we can do about it?’ If the children are not of an age to participate in this problem-solving, then the responsive adult will work through the conflict situation for them.

Although most squabbles will not reach a dangerous phase, adults should be ready to step in and assist children with prosocial strategies

3 Often squabbles and fights are just for fun, and children gain skills

of give and take and compromise along the way. The responsive adult will observe these incidents, allowing children to have fun provided others are not at risk or being disrupted. The reader will be aware that children’s fights can often be settled more quickly when there is no adult intervention because there is then no competition for attention.

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Children learn valuable lessons of life from incidental squabbling, and develop skills of social competence enabling them to negotiate and compromise. Siblings within families and children in high-quality day-care environments will learn from responsive adults who know when to intervene and when to leave it to the children. Responsive caregivers will provide children with clear and acceptable boundaries while ensuring the development of prosocial behaviour through allowing children opportunities to learn the appropriate skills.

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Children who swear As the reader is aware, words are powerful tools for children that can, and will, create immediate adult attention. Of course, this is the very reason many children choose to use inappropriate words, even without knowing the meaning of them. Initially many children are just exploring the fun of words and sounds. However, when adults overreact to the initial use of a word or phrase, using that word or phrase is reinforced in the child’s mind as being a very successful attentionseeking device. Imagine a parent’s horror, when talking to a friend or colleague, when their 3-year-old says, ‘Potty, poohey you!!’ It is a powerful tool in demanding attention and control. Sometimes children use these words purely as imitation of what they have heard. There is no distinction in their mind as to which words are suitable for adding to their vocabulary and which are not. Thus the language children hear around them is also critical to their social and emotional development.

Appropriate strategies

1 Where possible, ignore the inappropriate language. This is difficult if it is expressed within a group of children, but if caregivers can avoid making a fuss, the language will not continue to be used.

2 Give

children alternative words to use to express feelings. If a frustrated child is yelling ‘Shit!’ because his wood construction won’t stay together, then a responsive caregiver will acknowledge his feelings and might offer some other fun words. For example: ‘Ethan’s

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feeling mad – bumble, mumble mad – bumbly, mumbly – shumbly, tumbly mad!’ Obviously the adult will also be on hand to assist Ethan in the steps required for his construction to stay together successfully. Remember that young children like to have fun with language, and the more nonsensical a word is, the better it is to use.

3 If the inappropriate language continues to be used, adults will tell

children, simply and firmly, that those words are not acceptable. ‘Ethan, I can see you’re feeling mad, but I won’t let you keep using that word when you are in here with the other children.’ Ethan may then be given a choice as to whether he wants to stay at that activity, or find a place where he will not be heard. ‘Ethan, you can stay here and use some of the fun words we made up, or you will need to move away from the other children.’ Inappropriate language can be very successful in controlling and maintaining adult attention. When young children see it being used successfully, the language is reinforced. Hence responsive caregivers will stay out of power struggles, setting and maintaining clear limits while ensuring children have acceptable outlets for expressing their feelings.

Children who are angry As is outlined in section 4, ‘Positive communication strategies in a quality environment’, feelings are an important and healthy aspect of development. All humans have feelings and emotions, with each person developing their own beliefs about acceptable and non-acceptable emotions. These beliefs will be greatly dependent on parental or significant caregiver values and modelling. Feelings are real and are part of being human. Responsive adults will help children identify and acknowledge how they feel, and teach them appropriate ways to express their feelings. Sometimes angry feelings result in ‘good’ energy that children use towards effective problem-solving and conflict resolution. This emotional energy is not used to hurt others intentionally, but can be used in a positive way. When this occurs caregivers will acknowledge the child’s appropriate skills and behaviour, thus encouraging this effective outlet for anger. For example: ‘Jono, it looked like you were

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really mad when Tom took the spade. Thanks for working it out with Tom. I bet Tom is pleased that you are both taking turns now.’ Much of the difficulty for adults is in assisting children to manage their ‘inflamed’ anger. Sometimes these feelings can be so strong that young children are afraid of their emotions. They might fear losing control. Or they might have heard the message: ‘You shouldn’t be angry.’ Children who are not encouraged to express their feelings or who are told they should not have those feelings often try to hide their feelings or allow anger to build up inside them. This is not healthy and might lead to even more destructive behaviour and emotions.

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1 Acknowledge a child’s strong feelings. Adults might need to reassure

young children that they need not be afraid of angry feelings, but they are also not permitted to hurt others intentionally because they are angry. For example, the responsive caregiver might say to a 2-year-old: ‘It seems like you are really angry with me because I would not let you go outside. I’ll sit on the floor and hold you until you feel better, but I will not let you kick me.’ This then gives the child reassurance that the strong feelings are okay but the ensuing destructive actions are not acceptable. Sometimes adults will need to do this when a toddler is in the middle of an anger outburst or temper tantrum in order to keep the child safe. At these times, the responsive adult will maintain a firm yet fair approach with the child. Often, this is all that is necessary to manage the angry child.

2 After acknowledging the child’s anger, the adult will redirect the

destructive behaviour to an acceptable outlet if necessary. Not all children who feel angry need to be redirected. Some children simply require an acknowledgement of the strong emotion, and then prefer to be left alone. Children will not be left alone as a punishment or as time out but because they need some independent space to sort themselves out. As is described in chapter 12, using time out as a punishment can be interpreted as a sign of public rejection or humiliation. There is no place for this in a quality early childhood environment.

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If a child’s negative behaviour is clearly interfering with the rights of other children, then the adults do need to act. The responsive caregiver will consider both the strong emotions of the child and the needs of other children. For example: ‘Katie, it looks like you’re feeling really mad right now, and you’re trying to hurt the people on the mat beside you. Let’s set up a small table over here with the head phones so that you can have a space to listen to stories all by yourself. When you are ready to sit on the mat with the rest of us without hurting others, we would love to have you back.’

3 Avoid giving unnecessary attention to the angry behaviour. The

responsive adult will assist the child to deal acceptably with her emotions in a calm, firm manner as described above. When adults become involved in a power struggle with the angry child, it simply exacerbates the anger, reinforcing negative outcomes from strong emotions.

4 In a quality environment, adults will themselves model appropriate

expression of strong emotions. When adults demonstrate handling of strong feelings in an honest manner through ‘I’ statements, children will adopt some of this positive approach and might imitate it themselves. Responsive adults will use anger in a constructive manner to solve problems rather than to accuse and blame.

Children who bully Bullying often has its beginnings in early childhood when there might be a lack of prosocial skills or perhaps inappropriate role-modelling being reinforced. Inadequate socialisation and behaviour management can result in this negative dominating behaviour continuing throughout life. Bullying is seen as a form of abuse as it is a deliberate attempt to hurt and take advantage of another person, usually one less physically or psychologically powerful than the bully. This is different from the child who might want to be in control but does not set out to harm another child deliberately.

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Victims might suffer a great deal of misery, but are often concerned about reporting the bully because of powerful threats. It is known that victims of bullies often keep it to themselves for fear of being seen as inadequate or, even worse, because they blame themselves for being bullied. Thus bullying behaviour might go unnoticed for some time. Responsive adults will be aware that bullies themselves might be discouraged children who are not happy with themselves and have an ‘I am the best at being the worst’ lifestyle view of themselves. In a quality early childhood environment adults will work proactively with both bullies and victims, meeting the needs of each through a respectful approach.

Appropriate strategies

1 Ensure

that the environment is planned to enhance prosocial behaviour in all children. Some children might require greater responsibility than others, and some might need more opportunities to express feelings.

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2 Promote effective problem-solving skills by encouraging children to

communicate verbally with each other, as was described in section 4, ‘Positive communication strategies in a quality environment’, chapters 14 and 15. Encourage children to do their own problemsolving rather than having the adult take over and solve the problem for them. For example, 5-year-old Kate approaches Matthew, her teacher, saying: ‘Matthew, Anna is pushing me and won’t let me get on the swing.’ ‘Well, Kate, you just tell Anna that we have to take turns on the swing,’ responds Matthew. This approach will help Kate have her turn on the swing, but it doesn’t assist Kate in developing her own ability to solve problems. If Kate assumes a victim role, then she will always feel the need to have an adult intervene. However, Matthew could respond more appropriately with: ‘I’m sure that is disappointing, Kate, because it sounds like you really want a swing. What do you think you can do about it? What might you say to Anna?’

3 As shown above, the role of the adult will be one of assistant and supporter rather than problem-solver, but children do need to know of your understanding and empathy. Using reflective statements to

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show understanding for the victim and ‘I’ statements to respond to the bully allow the adult to acknowledge the inappropriate behaviour without preaching or moralising. ‘Anna, when you keep pushing Kate away from the swings I feel really cross because we have agreed that everyone will take turns on these swings.’

4 To ensure the reinforcement of prosocial behaviour the adult might

then be required to introduce choices and consequences. ‘Anna, it looks like you are finding it hard to remember that it is Kate’s turn after Jemma. You can either let Kate go on the swing when Jemma gets off, or you will need to move away to an area where there is no one to push. We could get the big blocks out for you to build a cubby, and then you can invite a friend in to play if you would like to.’

5 Plan and implement a self-esteem enhancing environment. As is

described in section 2, ‘Building on the foundations: having a framework for guidance’, chapters 7, 8 and 9, children who bully others will often be discouraged and lack a positive sense of self. Their constant negative behaviour ensures that they are rejected by peers and adults, and they lack the social skills necessary to initiate new friendships appropriately. As readers are aware, children need to belong, to feel accepted and to be noticed. Often the bully finds he or she gains the maximum attention when displaying negative, rather than positive, forms of behaviour. Even though it can be difficult, adults who assist bullies to feel accepted and part of the group, who acknowledge their feelings and guide their negative behaviour appropriately, will find they can enhance the bully’s selfesteem, thus improving behaviour.

6 Responsive

adults will assist less confident children with roleplaying situations they might be fearful of. For example, in the above situation, Matthew might have observed Kate being victimised and has planned some experiences to develop her confidence. He sets up the home corner and suggests to Kate that she pretends someone is trying to stop her from playing there. ‘What could you say if one of the children says you can’t play here? How will you feel? Let’s think about what you will say, Kate, and then you can pretend to do it with me.’

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7 Avoid telling victims to fight back as this is known to increase

the likelihood of further retaliation. Instead, build the victim’s confidence and provide maximum opportunity for the development of conflict resolution skills as shown above and in chapter 15.

8 Encourage opportunities for socialisation with peers. When children

play in groups they are less likely to be bullied; therefore responsive caregivers will provide safe opportunities for group play, and will encourage parents to establish and promote children’s friendships at home.

9 Ensure that all children, including both victims and bullies, are

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given opportunities for talking over problems, expressing feelings and being really listened to. For example, Jackson comes home from school and tells his mother that Harry has been telling him he is going to ‘get’ him. If his mother simply says, ‘What did you do to Harry for him to say that?’ or ‘Tell him he’d better not touch you or I’ll send your dad around’, then Jackson’s fear and apprehension is disregarded. However, the responsive adult will respond to Jackson’s comment with: ‘It sounds like that is worrying you, Jackson. What do you think you can do about it?’ It might then be followed up with a question to allow Jackson to role-play himself in the situation. For instance, ‘What might Harry do if you say that? What will you do then?’ and so on.

Responsive adults will ensure that children are provided with endless opportunities to develop skills enabling self-help, responsibility, independence and socialisation. With these skills children’s self esteem will improve, and a growing resilience and confidence will emerge. It is the responsibility of adults to support and nurture young children without taking over for them, thus enabling the development of socially competent individuals.

Children who find it hard to separate It is not only newly enrolled children who find separation difficult. On some days it is hard for any child to be left somewhere, with someone

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with whom they are not totally familiar, and happily farewell a parent or significant carer. Some children deal with this more easily than others, and there are ways for adults to assist children through the separation process. In no way should children be seen as ‘unacceptable’ because they find separation difficult.

Appropriate strategies

1 Acknowledge and accept the child’s emotions. Responsive adults

will be able to reflect feelings sensitively, as described in chapter 14, ‘Positive communication skills’, letting the child know that it is okay. For example: ‘It seems like you’re really unhappy about Mummy having to go to work today, Jamie. It’s hard when we want to be with someone and we can’t.’ Or the child might be frightened about this new environment after farewelling a parent: ‘Sarah, it looks like you’re scared being in this big room without your Dad. Wasn’t it great that Daddy could stay with you a while? Let’s have a look at what you were doing at the puzzle table with him.’

2 Avoid simply distracting the child as this negates the child’s valid

emotion associated with separation. It might be appropriate to use distraction with infants but only while also verbalising their feelings. The responsive caregiver might say to a 10-month-old whom she is holding: ‘You’re feeling sad that Mummy had to go, aren’t you, Jai? Let’s go and see if we can find those bells you were playing with yesterday.’

3 Reassure the child that she will be safe and comfortable with you, even though it might not be where she wants to be. The responsive caregiver will use a gentle yet firm manner without making too big a fuss. This gives children confidence in you as an understanding adult.

4 Welcome items from home (within reason) as some children require

a familiar object for comfort. The item might not necessarily be a ‘security object’, but might be Mummy’s empty handbag or Daddy’s sunglasses case. Other children might like to bring a familiar pillow or cushion or a favourite toy. It is important to respect each child’s individual needs at this time and to place appropriate recognition on the child’s comfort item. Responsive caregivers will avoid rejecting or dismissing the item by asking the child to put it away. Instead

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they will give it due importance. For example: ‘Tom, that’s a lovely soft teddy you’ve brought from home. Do you have a special name for your teddy? … I think Pooh bear would love to sit beside you while you do a drawing, don’t you?’ Later that morning Tom might need to be encouraged to put his teddy away only if it is causing a problem with other children. ‘Pooh bear is a lovely soft teddy, isn’t he, Tom? It looks like Will and Zak want to play with him also, but I can see you don’t want them to. Let’s make up a bed for Pooh bear just beside your locker, and he can have a rest while you are playing. When you have had a rest, perhaps Pooh can be with you again.’ The skills and attitudes children learn through situations such as this will assist them in dealing with numerous life experiences. The values outlined in section 1, ‘Foundations for quality: the adult’s role’, establish an excellent basis for adults and children to manage these experiences well.

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Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Compared to an average child, a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is far more active and less likely to be able to sit, to concentrate or to follow directions. Research indicates that ADHD is characterised by developmentally inappropriate levels of attention and misbehaviour. Most experts agree that the factors involved are created by a chemical imbalance of neurotransmitters in parts of the brain responsible for attention and alertness. Thus the messages coming from the environment are not being transmitted effectively to the brain. The ADHD child is unable to distinguish between relevant and irrelevant information. It is thought that the attention problem is one of too much information coming in at one time, causing an aggravation of non-compliant behaviour. As with most disorders, the degree of severity varies, and each affected individual is likely to experience a unique combination of symptoms. As a result of these socio-cognitive difficulties, the ADHD child might experience peer rejection and demonstrate more aggressive behaviour than expected for the normal developmental group.

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The ADHD child’s need to be constantly noticed is extremely frustrating for the adult, and unfortunately many adults consistently respond only to this negative aspect of the child’s behaviour. Punishment for inappropriate behaviour only further increases the ADHD child’s mistaken messages. ADHD children need to: • develop better skills for controlling their behaviour • improve their social skills and peer interactions • develop better listening and concentrating skills • learn, and experience, the consequences of inappropriate behaviour • be encouraged to accept responsibility for their actions or inactions as the case may be • be around people who focus on the positives rather than the negatives • be offered opportunities to improve self-esteem and to see themselves as competent. ADHD children require the same self-esteem–enhancing environment that is outlined as being the most appropriate for all quality early childhood services. They might be more demanding of an adult’s time and require close observation and rigorous planning for the effective implementation of experiences. As with all children, the more encouraged they feel, the more improved their behaviour is likely to become.

Appropriate strategies • Involve the child in age-appropriate decision-making regarding expectations, limits and consequences as much as possible. ‘Tim, I am putting a new puzzle out today. How do you think we should use it? How many children do you think should be at it? … Okay, so where is a good place to put it? … What do you think we should do if someone starts being silly with the puzzle pieces, Tim?’ • Acknowledge feelings while clearly stating the boundaries for behaviour. ‘It seems like you are really frustrated because you can’t get the pieces to fit, Tim, but remember you decided that puzzle pieces should not be thrown.’ • Redirect inappropriate behaviour. Avoid simply distracting as this demonstrates neither acknowledgement nor understanding of the child’s feelings. ‘I know you are frustrated, Tim, but I am not

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prepared to let you throw the puzzle pieces around. A piece could hurt someone or break something. If you feel so frustrated that you want to throw things we can get the balls out of the shed, and you are welcome to go outside to throw them.’ Interact on a one-on-one basis, ensuring a focus on positives rather than negatives. ‘Alannah, it looks like you’re really enjoying that waterplay we set up together. It’s great that you’re remembering to keep the water in the trough.’ Clearly state expectations and limits, identifying consequences of inappropriate behaviour. ‘Lisa, you are welcome to play with Alannah at the water trough. You need to keep the water inside the trough because the floor becomes very slippery when it is flooded with water. If you deliberately empty water on to the floor I will have to put the water trough away.’ Be consistent with expectations and limit-setting. Share the responsibility of limit-setting with the child within very clear safe, secure boundaries. ‘Lisa and Alannah, you are tipping water out of the jugs and lots of water is running down the floor. What did we agree we should do if children were pouring water out of the trough?’ Empower the child with steps to her own self-discipline and selfresponsibility. ‘Lisa, what do you think you can do when you feel so excited that you just want to throw water everywhere? Is there something else you can throw?’ Use group meetings with older children to support tolerance and to assist the ADHD child in the group with clarifying group expectations. As outlined in chapter 18, ‘Working collaboratively with groups of children’, the responsive adult will use the support of the peer group to indicate respect and trust to the child. For example: ‘It seems that Alice is finding it hard to remember that we are not allowed to push other children off the swings. I think she is always wanting to have a swing, aren’t you, Alice? Do other children have that problem too? So what do you do when you want a swing, and someone is already on it, Jackson? … What do you think you could do, Alice? Sarah, thank you for saying you will hold Alice’s hand while she is waiting for a swing. Then she will have a friend to wait with her. It is much easier to wait your turn when there is someone else with you, isn’t it?’

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• Use the foundation of SECRET described in chapter 2 to plan a self-esteem–enhancing environment for all children. Avoid discipline techniques, such as time-out, as they serve only to further discourage and lower self-esteem. Use the above strategies instead. Focus on self-esteem–enhancing activities and language. Model – and expect – cooperation rather than competition. Use appropriate encouragement, ensuring that insincere language is not used, particularly as the ADHD child often believes she is unworthy of positive feedback. Thus, as always with encouragement, your comments must be genuine and supported by factual observations. When all parties – children, parents and early childhood staff – work together in understanding the problems and arriving at mutually acceptable solutions, everyone benefits from the subsequent behaviour. The use of an Adlerian cognitive behavioural approach allows the focus on developing goal-directed strategies for behaviour management. ADHD children need adults to work with them rather than against them in developing control over their own actions. The adult’s goal, or purpose, is to acknowledge children’s need to belong, creating a quality environment in which to improve social skills and self-esteem, and enabling acceptable developmentally appropriate behaviour.

Review activities 1

Identify and provide an example of the difference between developmentally appropriate misbehaviour and developmentally inappropriate behaviour.

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Outline three common reasons why infants and young children might bite others.

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Explain how adults can assist children to feel powerful and in control while maintaining the appropriate limits.

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Identify a bully’s possible lifestyle perception, and outline three strategies you would plan to manage the behaviour of both bully and victim effectively.

Further review activities for assisting children with ADHD 1

Identify two differences that might be observed between the behaviour of an ADHD child and that of a normally developing child.

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Describe the adult’s responsibility towards assisting ADHD children in developing appropriate social behaviour.

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Outline how you will use group meetings to support ADHD children within their peer group.

Activities for further learning 1

Imagine you have five children younger than 5 in your care, and the inappropriate language of one particular 4-year-old child is causing concern for you and a number of parents. Describe an appropriate response to the child when she swears at you, and outline an action plan for managing this inappropriate behaviour.

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Describe how you will respond to a 3-year-old who is very cross with you for not letting him play outside without his jacket on. Give at least two reasons for this response.

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Consider the feelings of anger, fear and frustration. For each feeling, outline two appropriate redirection activities that would allow children an acceptable outlet for their feelings.

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Consider the approach described in chapter 7, ‘An introduction to child development and psychological principles’, and outline why Adlerian cognitive-behavioural theory is appropriate to assist ADHD children with managing their behaviour.

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Explain why a technique such as time out might serve only to increase the inappropriate behaviour. How would you do this differently?

Curtis, D. & Carter, M. The Art of Awareness: How Observation Can Transform Your Teaching. Redleaf Press, Saint Paul, Minn., 2000. Waters, J., Observation: A Window to the Child. National Gowrie/RAP Consortium, 1999.

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Responsive adults are providing children with appropriate, positive experiences that will form the building blocks for children’s future. A democratic approach to these experiences gives children the opportunity to develop and contribute in a positive way and a democratic approach is a self-esteem–enhancing approach. When working with groups of children responsive caregivers will continue to use the foundation of SECRET care; that is, the principles of shared responsibilities, equality, cooperation, respect, encouragement and trust. By doing this, each child in a group will be encouraged to develop a positive sense of self, understanding and acceptance of other children, and a feeling of trust both in themselves and in others. Children learn a great deal from adults about being in a group situation. As a leader in a democratic environment the adult is modelling expected behaviours as part of the group. Responsive

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caregivers are demonstrating respect for others when they listen to children. They are encouraging language skills and the verbalisation of feelings through acknowledging children’s comments and non-verbal emotions. All adults know how different reading a story with just one or two children is from reading a story with a large group of children. All sorts of influences and dynamics come into the latter situation causing disruptions, interruptions and distractions to the group. Children’s developmental readiness for groups significantly influences how successfully caregivers can guide group situations.

Children learn a great deal from adults about being in a group situation

Developmental readiness for groups Erikson’s stages of development outlined in chapter 7 give us a clue about children’s readiness for groups. A young baby is an egocentric being. She believes the world, which is her immediate surroundings,

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centres on her. It takes time and many varied experiences for babies to develop into more social thinkers and to be able to function successfully within a group situation. Very young children need to be trusting of the adults around them. It is important that they feel acknowledged and have a strong sense of attachment with their carers. So in these early years, the group will be as small as possible giving infants a chance to bond with the caregiver. From your knowledge of child development, it will be obvious that children who are in Erikson’s stage of initiative versus guilt are going to be far more cooperative and imaginative in group experiences than those in the initial two stages. An important factor in working effectively with children is group size. Infants and young children need to be in differing size groups for different purposes. With infants, a group may be as simple as the adult and a child; whereas with preschoolers, a group may involve at least six or seven children. Some interesting research has been undertaken on children in groups. Larger groups tend to be overstimulating for any age and quieter children are ignored. It is much harder for children to become involved in a large group than a small one, even when the adult–child ratio is good. A smaller group size encourages more intense and cooperative social behaviour at all ages. In her research, Berk (1989) suggests that interacting in twosomes is especially conducive in developing early group skills. In the preschool years, small groups of between five and eight members promote more involved and cooperative interactions. Research has also shown that there are cognitive and social advantages to multi-aged groupings in the early years. Children who are developmentally similar interact in ways that are often more positive, more verbal and more likely to evoke cooperative play within the group than just simply children of the same age. Whatever the group size, children need to feel a part of that group. Children who feel valued and accepted are more likely to contribute positively to the group. For instance Sigrid, aged 31⁄2, is with a group of peers in their playroom. Sigrid feels accepted, she trusts her caregivers and she knows that they will always follow through. The children are participating in a cooking experience and Sigrid knows from past experience that the caregiver, who has said she may have a turn after Frank, will let her have a turn to stir the cake mix. Thus, Sigrid is far

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more likely to wait acceptably. In this way, the responsive caregiver assists children’s prosocial behaviour. Children’s behaviour in groups will not always be prosocial. Their behaviour will be influenced by the various group dynamics existing within that group, particularly in the 3–6-year-old group. As a responsive caregiver, you will be aware of dominant and passive members of the group. You will observe group members who want to disrupt and group members who want to control. Children and adults take on different roles in groups. Since groups are different according to the circumstances in which they exist, you will often see different behaviour occurring in different children according to the situation. In any group there are likely to be children who want to dominate. Their subconscious goal is to control through physical power, aggression or disruptive actions. They don’t want to wait until you have finished with someone else. They want your complete attention now. As described in chapter 8, responsive caregivers will be aware that children such as this respond to responsibility and choice because it gives them a sense of control. Adults need to make very clear what their expectations of the group are and give children a choice of accepting or not. More often than not, they will accept, particularly children of preschool age. Preschoolers want to be liked and enjoy being part of the peer group. Responsive adults will let children know how much they appreciate having them there. However, there may be times when you cannot give these children a choice and they need to be with you for safety and security. This is the ideal time for giving responsibility, thus putting them in control within realistic limits. Let us imagine you take a group of children to the shop. You may have two caregivers and four children. One child doesn’t want to hold your hand and you are already quite a distance from the childcare centre. It is important for the child to hold your hand so there is no choice about that. The responsive caregiver may say, ‘George, this shopping basket is getting very heavy. You could help me by holding your hand on the shopping basket … That really helps me. Thanks, George.’ In this way you actually make sure that George holds hands, but in doing it this way you allow him a sense of responsibility. It is important for caregivers to recognise the power of peer influence on group dynamics and help children to feel it is ‘our’

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group, thus promoting a sense of group identity. For some children, particularly children with special needs, being in a group situation can be overwhelming. These children may need an escape from too much stimulation to a place where they can be secluded with minimal distractions. Responsive adults will provide experiences for young children that will foster appropriate social skills within our cultural framework. Gradual introduction to the concept of being part of the group and the development of decision-making for the best interests of the group are all part of pro-social behaviour. Consider the situation described earlier with Sigrid and Frank.

Case study: Jack, the teacher in the preschool room Jack is about to involve six children in a planned cooking experience. He sits down with the children and discusses the process with them. ‘We are going to make an orange cake. I wonder what we will need to put into our mixture to make an orange cake. What else do we need to make a cake? Do you make cakes at home with your dad, Marlee? I bet that’s fun. What do you do with your cake after it has been cooked? Oh, you eat it. I wonder if we should eat our orange cake. When do you think we could eat it, Jamie? At morning tea time – wouldn’t that be good?’ After a short discussion regarding the ingredients and how much they could eat, Jack involves the group of children in deciding on the necessary limits for this experience. ‘So, Ella, do you think we should sit down or stand up to mix this orange cake? What do we need to do with our hands before we start cooking? What will you have to do if your hands go into your mouth while we are making the cake?’ Jack reminds the children that the spoons are for mixing only and must stay away from their mouths until they have finished stirring. Even though each child has a spoon, they agree that only two children can stir at one time. ‘How will we decide that each person has stirred for long enough?’ asks Jack. Sigrid suggests that they could have ten stirs each. ‘Is that okay with everyone? Frank, would you like to be the first one to do ten stirs? Let’s all help Frank count his stirs.’ During this cooking experience Jack talks and respectfully asks questions. He listens to the children and answers their questions simply and honestly. As each

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ingredient is added Jack discusses what it is. He gives a simple reminder, using each child’s name, when it is almost someone else’s turn. ‘Sigrid, it’s your turn now, and when you’ve had ten stirs you can pass it to Marlee.’ Jack then leaves it up to the children to remember to pass it on after ten stirs. It is obvious that the children in this group were working very happily and continued to collaborate with Jack and one another during the whole process.

A responsive caregiver will decide the limits with children. By doing this, children feel in control and empowered. They feel responsible and develop self-discipline. Jack and the children were showing respect for each other. Jack was modelling respect with listening and answering skills. As you can see, the most significant factor in this successful group was the responsive caregiver. Responsive caregivers need knowledge of children’s developmental levels. They need knowledge about the importance of belonging on both human behaviour and group situations. Responsive adults will have effective communication skills, be able to express themselves and listen effectively to children, as described in chapter 14. Any discussion of children in groups brings forth questions about antisocial behaviour, for example biting. As each case depends on the situation there really is no single answer. However, as is shown in chapter 17, there are a number of factors for responsive adults to consider. Very young children may be biting out of love; that is, they have not yet learnt how to love and hug without using their mouths. Others may be simply exploring and bite out of curiosity because they are still at a very oral stage. It may be that some young children will bite out of anger. It can be the only powerful mechanism they have to express their strong feelings. Biting, of course, gets an instant reaction from adults, which demonstrates what powerful behaviour it is. Sometimes toddlers and preschoolers bite simply as a means of gaining attention, and it really works! Biting provokes an intense reaction, as adults quickly give attention to a biting child. Once children realise the impact this has on a group, it can be a very powerful attention-getting mechanism.

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The general technique to stop biting is to prevent it through anticipation where possible. Responsive adults will anticipate negative behaviours and so are able to structure their plans differently to compensate for this. Sometimes, however, biting does occur unexpectedly and when it occurs, it needs to be dealt with firmly but kindly, without fuss. A useful mechanism is to redirect the behaviour into something acceptable to bite. The caregiver may say, ‘It looks like you’re feeling really mad. I can’t let you bite Linda but you can bite this rubber ring.’ Other techniques to deal with antisocial behaviour such as this will depend on the origin of that behaviour. As outlined in section 3, adults who respond to the particular need of individuals within the group can more effectively deal with challenging group behaviour. The adult has a role in encouraging prosocial behaviour within a group by ensuring the following: • establishing a self-esteem enhancing environment within a democratic atmosphere • listening to children and encouraging children to listen to each other • asking open-ended questions to promote children’s thinking, valuing each group member and being aware that children with special needs are more similar than they are different • avoiding ‘taking over’ from children or interfering with children’s thinking • role-modelling appropriate behaviour themselves • being aware of the necessary limits and assisting children towards behaving within those limits • enhancing the self-esteem of each group member. In a self-esteem enhancing and quality environment, both children and adults will feel respected and valued. An individual’s opinion and feelings will be considered in a positive manner. Responsive adults will be aware that children need to feel a sense of belonging and worth, a sense of ownership and control, and a sense of competence. Effective groups can enhance each of these aspects, thus forming the basis for promoting self-esteem.

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Collaborative group decision-making Group decision-making is demonstrated when the responsibility for what goes on within a particular group is shared by the members of that group. Thus, group decision-making will enhance a child’s sense of competence and worth. It is important to recognise that responsive caregivers will not expect infants to be actively involved in group decision-making; however, adults will be role-modelling important processes. Some strategies for group decision-making are appropriate for use with small groups of older toddlers, but adults will need to acknowledge the influence of toddlers’ egocentricity and their desire for autonomy. Decision-making which is shared by all really does enhance prosocial behaviour because children feel empowered by a sense of ownership, taking satisfaction in being valued for their contribution. Responsive adults will use either incidental or formal group discussions as an effective method of developing self-discipline and promoting responsible behaviour. Chapter 15 on conflict resolution illustrates that it is also a useful strategy for assisting children in disputes. Responsive caregivers will always take advantage of teachable moments. For instance, two children are arguing over the bikes. Rather than just take the bikes away, the responsive caregiver will discuss what else the children could do. In other words, adults will be able to go quickly and spontaneously through conflict resolution strategies: ‘It looks like you and Daniel are finding it hard to decide whose turn it is on the bike, Gino … What do you think you can do about it?’ Let the children suggest some alternatives … ‘So, you’re both happy to let Gino ride around the path once, and then you’ll have a turn, Daniel? … Okay, it sounds like you can have your ride, Gino, and then Daniel will have his ride … I’ll come and see how you’re enjoying it after I’ve pushed Alexi on the swing.’ The five steps of identifying the problem, exploring alternatives, coming to a decision, repeating the decision and taking time to reevaluate (described in chapter 15) can all be done spontaneously. Then

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at the end of the process the caregiver can add, ‘Isn’t it great that you can sort it out yourselves?’ Thus children are allowed to experience a sense of control over their own behaviour. Group decision-making is a method of assisting children to solve their problems through their own group processes. It involves awareness of group dynamics and effective communication. Above all, it requires a belief in children’s ability for creative thinking and selfdiscipline. Responsive caregivers will provide children with opportunities and time to experiment and question. When provided with these opportunities, young children have an enormous capacity to think through problems and come up with very appropriate solutions.

Adults may use a formal group time or incidental occurrences to facilitate collaborative group experiences

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Preschool age groups The process of group decision-making with preschool age children can be facilitated by caregivers with small or large groups of children. Decisionmaking will obviously be more effective with group sizes which enable each child the opportunity to talk and be heard, to listen and to question. Caregivers may either use a formal planned group time or spontaneous incidents, as described earlier, to facilitate group discussion. When interacting with a group, the adult’s communication skills are important, as are the values of mutual respect, social equality and cooperation. The following is a sequence for facilitation which can be used in group decision-making.

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The introductory time Recognise the power of peer influence, helping the children to understand that it is ‘our’ group and to feel a sense of group identity. When a number of children are involved it is important to decide on things that are best for the group as a whole. Let children know that you care about what each of them has to say, but remind them that it is hard to hear when lots of people talk at once. Invite children to contribute ideas and to be involved in decisionmaking by showing respect for them and their ideas, and appreciating what they have to offer. Before talking about problem situations, use encouragement. Discuss the positive things that have been happening and describe children’s appropriate behaviour. You may say something like, ‘It looked like you really enjoyed playing outside when the sun was shining today. Isn’t it nice that it stopped raining?’ Then you can identify some of the children who were happily playing, before talking about the problem behaviour that you may wish to discuss.

Sorting out the problem Whether it is just two children or a larger number in the group, clearly put forward the problem to the children, presenting it in a concise and warm manner that they can understand. If you go into unnecessary detail, it will just distract children and confuse them. Ask them for their ideas if you think it is appropriate. Show them that you really value their opinion by listening carefully to what they say. Reflective

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listening may be appropriate to find out what a child really means. So you could use, ‘It seems like you’re saying …’ Guide the children’s decision-making through careful questioning and statements, so that they are learning to anticipate events or happenings, and can foresee the consequence of decisions that they make. You might say, ‘What do you think would happen then?’ You need to be careful not to allow permissiveness and chaos to take over, but remember your value of freedom within limits. If children find it hard to reach agreements about their problems, you need to consider fair methods to help them in their decision-making. Voting is not appropriate, as children need to learn to cooperate and to find ways to reach a consensus agreeable to all. Remember, as with conflict resolution, you are looking for ‘win–win’. You as the responsible adult need to ensure that you set and maintain limits. Thus, the adult may sometimes need to make the decision for children. Make sure that all children are aware of the decision that has been agreed to, by very clearly repeating it back to the group. For example, you could say, ‘So it sounds like we have decided to …’ You may also include in this statement consequences for children who are not wanting to cooperate after they have agreed to the decision. For example, ‘So we’ve decided that we do need to sit quietly for a story. What shall we do if someone still keeps being noisy?’ Help children decide on an appropriate logical consequence for this behaviour as explained in chapter 12, and again ensure they understand it by repeating it as you did when using ‘Exploring alternatives’ in chapter 15. As in ‘Exploring alternatives’, talk about when you will re-evaluate. Decide when you will return to see how things are going. Let children know that there is always an opportunity to change any decision that they have made.

Concluding your collaborative decision-making Four- and five-year-olds do want to cooperate when they are treated fairly and respectfully by adults. Offer children encouragement when they are making their decisions. Focus on how responsible and independent they feel when deciding things for themselves by using communication skills that acknowledge children’s feelings or express your own feelings. By enabling children to take responsibility for their behaviour the responsive caregiver will be reinforcing prosocial behaviour.

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As has been stated previously, group decision-making can be implemented with small or larger groups of children, and in a formal or spontaneous manner. The responsive caregiver will always be aware of promoting a self-esteem–enhancing environment.

Review activities 1

Describe the characteristics of the following three stages as outlined by Erikson. Considering the influence of these characteristics on the behaviour of children in group situations: (a) 0–18 months (b) 18 months – 3 years (c) 3 years – 6 years.

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Describe the influence group size may have on prosocial behaviour and collaborative group interactions.

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Outline the process for group decisions which promote prosocial behaviour in preschool children.

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Activities for further learning 1

Consider a time when you, as an adult, were part of a group experience. Describe the dynamics occurring within the group and the various roles ‘played’ by group members. Identify your role within this group.

2

Outline the steps you could take to promote group decision-making in the following situation: the block corner in the kindergarten room was a very busy place. Four children were constructing an airport using some new blocks that had been introduced. Some of the children were playing carelessly with these new blocks, deliberately banging the sides together. The caregiver was concerned about their lack of respect for the new equipment and feared that someone may get hurt. The caregiver wanted to use the ideas of each of the children in deciding what should be done, but was unsure of the appropriate process. How would you manage this situation?

Recommended reading Berk, Laura E. Child Development, Allyn & Bacon, Boston, 1989. Katz, LG & McClellan, DE. Fostering Children’s Social Competence. NAEYC, Washington DC, 1997. Rodd, Jillian. Understanding Young Children’s Behaviour. Allen & Unwin, Sydney, 1996. Stonehouse, Anne. How Does It Feel? AECA, ACT, 1994.

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: Foundations for quality making it work for you

It takes courage to take the steps towards better understanding of ourselves and others. However, by having this understanding adults are more likely to develop and maintain positive relationships with families, friends, children and co-workers. By creating an atmosphere based on the values outlined in section I of this book, children and adults will grow in self-esteem, self-reliance and self-discipline. By better understanding their own values and beliefs, caregivers will respond more appropriately to children, parents and co-workers in a positive manner, thus forming effective partnerships with parents. Included in this section: • cultural diversity • partnerships with parents • teamwork • confident caregiving: using the principles • values.

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Cultural diversity

The self-esteem enhancing principles outlined in this book are based on current knowledge and thinking about children’s behaviour. These principles have not always been widely acknowledged. The principles are universal to all democratic relationships and reflect the belief in the equality of people regardless of age, background, culture or religion. They involve the rights of the child as well as the adult. Principle Two of the United Nations Declaration on the Rights of the Child, 1959, states, The child shall enjoy special protection and shall be given opportunities and facilities by law and other means to enable him to develop physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and socially in a healthy and normal manner and in conditions of freedom and dignity. In the enactment of laws for this purpose, the best interest of the child shall be the paramount consideration.

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Although we have regulations to ensure this necessary and appropriate protection of children when in group care, caregivers also need to be sensitive to children’s home environments. Australia was criticised in a 1994 UNICEF report for not having nationwide laws against physical punishment of children in schools or at home. In countries where corporal punishment has been banned in the home, there has been adequate training of parents and educators in alternative modes of non-punitive behaviour management. The traditional autocratic approach in which punishment is decided upon by the adult and the adult is boss leads to increased feelings of inferiority and children lacking responsibility and self-discipline. Some people believed that if you punished or humiliated a child enough, that would be all that was needed to change behaviour. Responsive adults are aware that this approach only emphasises the belief that being an adult means to be superior and powerful and to do as you wish. Additionally, it limits children in their capacity and decision-making because the adult does all the deciding, using punishment as a means of suppressing unacceptable behaviour. Accepting and becoming accustomed to a different guidance approach can create a discipline dilemma for some adults. Childcare staff and parents often unnecessarily devote much of their time and energy to dealing with children’s unacceptable behaviour because they are unsure about alternatives to their traditional approach. Unfortunately, this uncertainty and confusion may result in their reverting to an autocratic manner with total control over the child in order to give themselves a sense of security. It is important to keep in mind that both children and adults have rights and that we need to learn to respect each other’s rights.

Cultural diversity When we consider the historical perspective of child-rearing from generation to generation, it can be seen that different child-raising practices flourish across various ethnic groups according to their own values and expectations of children. For thousands of years, parents and children learnt how to raise children from grandmothers and

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grandfathers, aunts and uncles. These were people who had lived together in that culture for generations. Some culturally embedded child management practices fit into a different framework from this self-esteem–enhancing democratic approach. Particular parents may prefer the use of certain strategies over others. But as a responsive caregiver, your focus must always remain on the needs and rights of all children, with the best interest of the child being paramount. So different cultural practices can pose a dilemma in a democratic childcare setting.

Cross-cultural sensitivity: a case study Trang, a 20-month-old, is in a home-based care situation where there is also a 2-year-old and a 3-year-old. Each of these children is active and enjoys outdoor activities. Gwen, the caregiver, structures her program to enable the children to have opportunities for independent gross motor play outside. Trang’s parents have stated to Gwen that they want Trang to have layer after layer of clothes on before she goes outside now that the weather is getting cooler as this is their cultural practice. Gwen follows through with this, but she observes over a number of days that Trang is running around less than normal and has become unusually dependent on Gwen for play activities. From her knowledge of child development Gwen is aware that children need to have numerous opportunities for independent physical play and should be encouraged towards self-reliance in their activities. She considers Trang’s changed behaviour might be a consequence of her tightly layered, restrictive clothing. Gwen is concerned for the child’s growth and development, and wants to put Trang into less clothing, but she also acknowledges the parental values and customs.

A situation such as this may create a similar dilemma for you. Responsive caregivers will respect the socio-cultural views on childrearing while at the same time maintaining a high-quality, developmentally appropriate childcare environment. This potential conflict

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may require a great deal of sensitive communication with the family but the focus should always remain on the best interests and rights of the child. It is important to assess one’s own personal values in relation to other people, whether it is the children who will be in your care, the adults with whom you are working or the parents. As caregivers focusing on the needs of the child, it is important to acknowledge that the parent is also the client, not just the child. Responsive adults are careful to make decisions after consulting parents about family beliefs; however, individual decisions and attitudes will be based largely on the values you hold. As a caregiver, it is important to assess your own values, your own upbringing, your philosophy of life, your family dynamics and education. Each of these will be reflected in your program and in your relationships with others. Values are the ‘oughts’ or ‘shoulds’ that guide our actions. Many values are unconscious or unknown until a trigger brings them to the surface. Adults have been acquiring values all their lives from family, friends and the community. An individual’s own unique life experiences lead that person to have particular values, so it follows that others with different life experiences and family backgrounds may have varying values. We need to appreciate parents’ different values, being sensitive to their needs or beliefs while maintaining our knowledge of appropriate practice for children. Sensitivity to cultural diversity is extremely important. A responsive caregiver does not need to give up his or her beliefs, but will assess the differences from the parent’s point of view also. Adults who effectively communicate with each other will be able to come to a position of negotiation and compromise. A meaningful approach to cultural diversity comes from learning about other value systems such as how another person’s culture may differ from your own. Communicating effectively with each other will contribute to a better understanding of, and increased sensitivity to, alternative beliefs that others may have. In a democratic caregiving environment, if others do not wish to accept our values, that is their right. At times responsive caregivers may need to re-examine their own values to consider whether or not they wish to continue holding them. Value orientations are hard to change but can be adapted given adequate reasons and understanding

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A meaningful approach to cultural diversity comes from learning about other value systems

of the situation. Responsive adults will consider the rights of children, equality of worth and mutual respect between caregivers and parents, adults and children. Respect and acceptance of others’ rights to differing views and willingness to discuss conflicts are essential. Responsive adults will acknowledge and resolve differences in a manner that ensures all people will feel accepted for who and what they are.

Review activities 1

Describe why corporal punishment, such as smacking, is inappropriate. Relate this to your knowledge of the factors influencing a self-esteem–enhancing environment.

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Suggest how a responsive caregiver will behave when confronted by someone with different beliefs. Outline the communication skills that will be necessary in this situation.

3

Which democratic principles are responsive adults demonstrating when they acknowledge another person’s different beliefs and values?

Activities for further learning 1

Consider your own cultural background and that of people from other cultures. Identify some expectations of children’s behaviour that your parents had that may have been different from those of parents from another culture. Discuss these expectations and give reasons for the differences. Consider how you can incorporate diverse cultural expectations into a self-esteem–enhancing approach.

2

Read the United Nations Declaration on the Rights of the Child. Identify how an early childhood professional can implement these principles within his or her program.

3

A parent approaches you with concerns about disciplining her child. The parent believes she needs to smack her child to promote more acceptable behaviour. As a responsive adult, how can you be supportive of the parent while maintaining your belief about the rights of the child? Discuss the alternative methods of encouraging prosocial behaviour you will offer, giving reasons for your suggestions.

Recommended reading Dau, E. (ed.). Anti-bias Approach in Early Childhood. 2nd edn. Longman Pearson Education Australia, Sydney, 2001.

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Derham-Sparks, Louise & ABC Task Force. Anti-bias Curriculum: Tools for Empowering Young Children. NAEYC, Washington DC, 1998. Lady Gowrie Child Centre, Sydney. Equity Issues in Child Care. Produced by Lady Gowrie Child Centre, Sydney. Department of Health & Family Services, 1996. Milne, Rosemary. Peace Education in Early Childhood. Free Kindergarten Association, Victoria, 1997. Stonehouse, Anne. Opening the Doors: Child Care in a Multicultural Society. AECA, ACT, 1991.

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Support for parents Early childhood workers will be aware of the significance of parenthood in our society. The interaction of parent and child within the environment is evident in every child’s life. Each aspect interconnects at every point of their life together, creating a unique lifestyle for each family. It is assumed by some people that the birth of a baby transforms individuals into caring mothers and fathers with appropriate parenting skills. However, the ability or desire to nurture and care effectively does not appear automatically, and new mothers and fathers often neither wish to, nor are able to, model their behaviour on the parenting approach of their own parents. The progression from the more traditional autocratic family environment to a democratic approach, and the evolution of nuclear and single-parent families, have created new pressures on families

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today. Although each of these families is individual with differing needs, there are certain underlying patterns which can be observed and relevant principles and skills which can be applied to these various parenting situations. The principles and skills are similar to those outlined in early chapters of this book. If we are to take seriously the view that society’s future is in our children, then it becomes society’s and our concern. The government, churches, schools, early childhood centres and so on all have a responsibility to develop programs which teach these principles and assist parents to develop skills that they may use towards positive relationships with their children. Additionally, it is society’s and our responsibility to make support systems available for parents in need.

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Communication with parents As was outlined in chapter 1, a quality early childhood service will have care-providers who support parents and children in individually appropriate ways. It is important for those working with children to put themselves in the parents’ shoes occasionally and consider how they might feel leaving their most precious possession with someone else. Early childhood workers are in a unique position of closeness with parents and will learn a great deal from them, but at the same time have an enormous amount to give themselves. It is necessary to establish and keep open reciprocal lines of communication and trust between yourself and parents. This two-way interaction assists parents to feel comfortable and secure with the persons who are caring for their children, and conversely allows the caregivers the opportunity to relate ideas, meaningful events and incidental happenings with the parent. Caregivers will use this close relationship to support parents and to gather information about their needs. Consider the case study of the parent Sarah, which was presented in chapter 1. It was essential that all concerned used skilled cooperative communication similar to that described in section 4, ‘Positive communication strategies in a quality environment’, in order to bring about a positive outcome for the family. When parents and caregivers are partners, clear and respectful communication is able to occur and the care of the child is seen as a shared experience.

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Parents and early childhood workers will work together on planning supportive and relevant activities to meet their needs. Many parents are requesting programs in skills and knowledge, designed to maintain and extend responsible and sensitive relationships with their children. It has been shown that these programs are most effective if offered when parents have young families and when they are adapted for particular groups and flexible to individual needs.

Planning a responsive and effective parent program Caregivers may be aware of what they consider the needs of parents to be; however, before offering a program of activities for them, it is important that parents be given the opportunity to identify their specific needs. This can be achieved through informal discussions, questionnaires, newsletters and so on. Caregivers can find out what the parents consider their needs to be, what they would like a program to focus on, and what role they would like the leader or caregiver to have.

Step 1: Identify needs A friendly, social session to introduce the concept of a parenting program will provide a non-threatening opportunity for parents and caregivers to discuss their requirements and share ideas. Once ideas have been clarified and the needs of the parent group are established, the caregiver or leader will develop a specific focus for the program. From this, objectives will be established in order that parents and caregivers are certain as to what the program is designed to do.

Steps 2 and 3: Be an effective leader A structured parent group will require a leader who is able to support and motivate the group, allowing effective learning and interactions to take place. It is the leader’s attitudes, skills and knowledge that will influence the interactions within the group and hence the value of the experience for the participants.

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Leading a parent group can be seen as an extension of the democratic principles the reader will have already developed for caring for children effectively and positively. Parents will be allowed the opportunity to acknowledge their own beliefs and values, and will be accepted for themselves. It is each participant’s responsibility and choice to accept or reject what is being offered. Clearly the principles of respect, equality, trust and cooperation are particularly relevant in a group such as this.

Steps 4 and 5: Be responsive to parents’ constraints Parents have their own needs to consider as well as many commitments. If the caregiver wishes to encourage as many parents as possible to participate in a parent activity, then parents need to be given adequate notification of events to enable their own planning to take place. Caregivers will talk with individual parents about the most suitable day and time, as well as finding the most convenient location for all concerned. Caregivers need to ensure that parents are clearly informed by, for example, newsletter or notice board, to allow time to organise themselves. Further discussion may take place to consider problems such as babysitting arrangements which would preclude parents from participating. In order to be encouraging and supportive the early childhood centre committee or staff could arrange to provide child care during parent activities.

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Step 6: Conduct a successful program The real value of parent programs lies not just in the knowledge gained from principles and skill development, but also in the group unity and respect developed for one another through sharing and learning together. A successful parent program will be one that is encouraging of parents, rather than producing feelings of anxiety or guilt for what they are doing ‘wrong’. Participating group members are able to develop increased confidence in their own skills and a belief in themselves as effective parents. This enthusiasm and confidence is often shared with non-participating parents who then request a repeat program. So the richness of the experience will be transferred to others, according to their needs.

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A particular situation that requires specific communication with parents might occur when caregivers decide to change or adapt their own approach to relationships and behaviour. In these circumstances it is particularly important that an information-sharing session is held with parents. When your behaviour and attitudes towards something or someone change, those around you may become confused and unsure of what you are doing, if they do not understand. Hence you need to be available to provide support and information. There are a number of strategies that may be used in this situation. For example, staff of an early childhood centre may invite a guest speaker to give a short talk to provide an informed knowledge base to parents, or run a series of workshops on the issues for staff and parents. When parents have attended a structured program, the caregiver or leader will gather feedback on the success or value of the program in meeting the needs of the group. This evaluation will allow for future planning of programs and enable clarification of any aspects. The participants in any program are the most important people, so leaders need to be open and responsive to their suggestions and ideas.

Steps 7 and 8: Feedback and future planning After undertaking the planning and carrying through this program, the leader will be able to acknowledge the role that such programs have in supporting parents and contributing to the effective functioning of the family as a nurturing unit. This acknowledgement of satisfaction and value can be very encouraging for caregivers.

Step 9: Be confident in your partnerships with parents Early childhood workers are expected to, and wish to, work closely with families, providing not only for the children but also for their parents. This takes time and energy, and may increase the stress load on a group of people already under pressure. However, effective caregivers will be supportive and encouraging of each other. They will feel comfortable with themselves, believing in their own abilities, and will thus convey a reassuring message to others around them. To assist caregivers or leaders with setting up a responsive and effective parent program, table 20.1 illustrates the processes which have been outlined in this chapter.

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Identify the needs of the parent group

Informal talks, letters, questionnaires, discussions, social nights

2

Decide on the objectives for the program

Gather all the information from step 1 and work out the focus

3

Explore ways to carry out the objectives

Will you have a guest speaker, videos, staff panels, parent-led discussions?

4

Allocate and advise dates, times and locations in advance

Use noticeboards, newsletters, informal talks and so on

5

Check out any major problems that may prevent participation

Discuss with parents the most convenient times, days and so on

6

Carry out the planned program

Have you thought about supper, heating, locking the building, comfortable chairs?

7

At the end of the program ask parents to evaluate it according to your objectives

Evaluation form, questionnaire, discussion

8

Review and consider any further parent programs

Gather information from evaluations and assess value of program in terms of objectives

9

Share your knowledge and success with others

Be satisfied with the supportive and caring role you have played

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Table 20.1: Planning a responsive and effective parent program

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Review activities 1

Outline at least three ways in which staff in a quality early childhood service will promote partnerships with parents.

2

Suggest why an early childhood centre is ideally suited to offering a parent education program.

3

Outline the nine steps involved in planning and implementing a successful parent program.

4

Identify three important attributes of an effective leader in a parent program.

Activities for further learning 1

Compile a questionnaire designed to identify parent needs for parent programs. Distribute this to a group of parents in an early childhood centre.

2

From the above questionnaire design a responsive parent program which will meet these needs.

3

Find out about parenting programs offered within your local community. Make a list of them available to parents.

Recommended reading Harris, Vivien. Building Partnerships with Parents. Lady Gowrie Child Centre (Brisbane), 1995. Rodd, Jillian. Leadership in Early Childhood: The Pathway to Professionalism. 2nd edn. Allen & Unwin, Sydney, 1998. Stonehouse, Anne. Discipline: A Child’s View for Parents. Crèche & Kindergarten Association of Queensland, 1994, 2nd edn.

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Teamwork

Parents and caregivers who feel respected and trusted by others, who are non-judgemental in their words and actions, will feel supported and welcomed. In order to offer this support and respect, caregivers need to feel okay about themselves and to accept responsibility for their own behaviour as a member of the team.

A democratically organised early childhood centre We are each responsible for our own behaviour, and need to develop techniques which help us as individuals in our relationships with others. We cannot make other people change their behaviour, but we can make the decision to change our own behaviour, our feelings and our beliefs.

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In order to develop effective relationships with others, it is necessary to begin by feeling okay about ourselves and what we do, including our work. Parents, the community and even staff themselves often have unrealistic expectations of the role of early childhood workers. Staff are expected not only to interact with numbers of children – observing, planning, caring and providing appropriate experiences – but also to interact with parents – being supportive, reassuring, knowledgeable and a source of referral – and to work cooperatively with their peers. It is no wonder that many staff suffer from burnout! Theses relationships can be represented as a triangle with inter-relating sides as shown in figure 21.1. Each side of the triangle is essential to the others in order to maintain balance and equanimity.

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Figure 21.1: Triangle of relationships

Emotional and physical exhaustion can seriously affect an individual’s psychological well-being as well as impairing their ability to relate effectively to people in general. Effective relationships and teamwork are the foundation of the caregiver’s work.

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Working with children during their formative years is incredibly important, and quality child care is vital to the community and society as a whole. Caregivers can recognise the value of one another and encourage each other in this essential task. A democratically functioning team will enhance staff feelings of positive self-esteem and high task value. It will have the following features: Mutual respect

for one another’s feelings and values.

Equality

of worth. Each adult is of equal value and can make equally worthwhile contributions.

Trust

in one another to reduce conflicts and grievances and to carry out responsibilities.

Cooperation

by offering and encouragement, sharing ideas and supporting one another.

Freedom

to contribute to decision-making by having frequent and purposeful staff meetings.

Again, each of these aspects is important to the support and development of the others. In addition, caregivers are able to model behaviour which is cooperative, responsible and encouraging. As outlined in chapter 18, children develop much of their skill in working collaboratively by observing adult behaviour. Adults working as a team will be displaying similar behaviour to that expected of children in group situations. In any team situation there will be adults who are more likely to dominate and adults who are content to be passive members of the team. Teams will work effectively only when members understand each other and are willing to cooperate towards a common goal.

Goals of adult behaviour In order to interact effectively and supportively with other adults, it is important to understand behaviour and respond appropriately. If we are able to begin to comprehend ourselves, we can then relate to others and show an understanding of their behaviour. Just as children have goals of behaviour, so too do adults. We have simply learned to

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be more circumventive and evasive in achieving our goals. Consistent inappropriate or negative behaviour needs to be understood and responded to in the context of its purpose. Purposive behaviour can have positive rather than negative goals; however, it is usually the negative goals that cause concern, discouragement and deteriorating relationships. As with children’s behaviour, the goal can be identified by the feeling you have as a consequence of the other person’s behaviour.

Attention As with children, the attention-seeking adult also desires to keep people busy or to be noticed. This may be the caregiver who is always losing things and asking other people to search for them. Others feel annoyed by it, but respond to be helpful. However, is it helpful? If reinforced, behaviour such as this is then repeated in a variety of ways and in different situations. The attention-seeking adult may be a parent, who constantly interrupts you when you are talking with a child or another parent. It is not all that important, but you feel annoyed. In order not to reinforce this annoying behaviour you may ignore it, thus not giving it attention, or you may quietly let them know that you will give them time when you can.

Power Adults who subconsciously desire to control and to let others know that they are superior often find passive, non-obvious ways to achieve their goal. It may be that they continually arrive back late from lunch, thus keeping someone else from taking their much-needed break on time. Possibly it will be the caregiver or parent who always believes that others should do things her ‘better way’, where there is no room allowed for cooperation or negotiation. Those experiencing this behaviour will feel threatened, angry and challenged. People who are using power for a negative purpose may begin to change their behaviour if they experience consequences without a power struggle. However, if the recipients of the behaviour allow themselves to become involved in an argument or battle, then the person’s purpose of power and control is achieved. A person who is always late back from lunch may just have to always take last lunch break (this is the consequence of their inappropriate behaviour). That way they are not controlling anyone else’s break.

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A successful way to solve problems between adults is through effective communication and identification of problem areas. ‘I’ messages are very appropriate and also show respect for other people. The problem of people always coming back late from lunch may be brought up at a staff meeting with an ‘I’ message. For example: ‘When people are kept from having their proper lunch break I feel really concerned because it creates stress and unfair pressures’. Then all staff will be involved in discussions and decisions about it.

Revenge

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There may be parents or caregivers who will make hurtful comments to others, or set out to ensure that another person’s well thought-out program does not work. Their actions may be small, and alone they may be insignificant, but a repeated pattern of this behaviour will be very destructive and hurtful to others. It is the discouraged person whose subconscious purpose is to be recognised through vengeful behaviour, and this person will need encouragement and support from others rather than retaliation. It will always be difficult and courageous to avoid feeling hurt if you are the recipient of this vengeful behaviour from a discouraged person. Staff should be aware of the need to be supportive and encouraging of one another. Some parents may display this goal to caregivers if they have feelings of guilt and disappointment at not being home with their children. Discouraged people such as these start feeling more comfortable about themselves when reassured and encouraged by others who are nonjudgemental and have not allowed themselves to be hurt through the goal of revenge.

Assumed inadequacy This describes a helpless manner that is not organically caused but which a person adopts for reasons they may not understand. An adult may become so very discouraged and so lacking in belief in themselves that they just give up. Those around that person feel helpless and unsure as to how to respond. This should not be confused with a power struggle where the inadequate person’s purpose is to control. In that circumstance one would feel angry, resentful and perhaps threatened.

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Assumed inadequacy is hard to deal with, but fortunately is not a common problem. It may be seen in a parent who is just ready to give up or who expresses the belief that she just cannot accept any responsibilities. Caregivers will respond in small and unobtrusive ways by offering encouragement and support without undue attention.

Frequent and purposeful staff meetings are essential for effective teamwork

Quality teamwork In a quality early childhood environment, adults will be aware of the goals of their own behaviour and the manner in which they are interacting with children, parents and staff. Caregivers will make their own decisions about how they will change their behaviour, based on their understanding of themselves and others and the skills that they have developed. Democratic caregivers will communicate with respect and sensitivity for others, using effective communication skills of reflective listening and ‘I’ messages. This approach to teamwork is synonymous with that outlined earlier for understanding and responding to children’s behaviour.

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Review activities 1

Identify five aspects of democratic caregiving which can be applied to effective teamwork in early childhood centre.

2

Describe the behaviour expressed by each of the four goals of negative behaviour.

3

Identify four effective ways to respond to negative behaviour and reinforce appropriate behaviour.

Activities for further learning 1

Ask yourself each of the following questions, consider your answer and what you would do about it. (a) Is your goal to control everyone else or to be an effective leader? (b) Do you often desire attention and want to keep others involved with you? (c) Do you try to get back at others or to humiliate them? (d) Do you expect other people to take on your responsibilities as well as their own, or to do things for you that you could do with a little effort?

2

Imagine you are the coordinator of an early childhood centre that functions on democratic principles and you need to display a poster about your centre’s philosophy. Design a poster with a brief written statement.

3

Find out what courses local colleges or community centres are offering, and participate in a course or seminar on effective communication or interpersonal relationships.

Recommended reading

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Rodd, Jillian. Leadership in Early Childhood: The Pathway to Professionalism. 2nd edn. Allen & Unwin, Sydney, 1998.

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Confident caregiving: using the principles The techniques of democratic and effective caregiving, seen in isolation, may appear disjointed and unrelated to the wider caregiving atmosphere. Therefore a final identification of principles based on learning from previous chapters may assist adults in using their knowledge. Even though you may have developed relevant skills it can be difficult putting them into practice, particularly if others around you show little interest in change.

Principles for responsive and effective caregiving Develop confidence in your new approach Learning new skills or reinforcing existing ideas in responsive and effective relationships require patience and persistence. The reader

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is encouraged to take their learning step by step, by practising one new idea at a time and allowing the development of confidence in using guidance techniques successfully. Although some skills may seem artificial at first, with practice readers will adapt them to their own style.

Change your own behaviour Children’s behaviour can most effectively be influenced by changing one’s own behaviour and using a positive and encouraging approach. Positive behaviour will be encouraged both by modelling and by showing appreciation to children. Showing confidence in children will assist them in developing a positive self-concept and trust in their interpersonal relationships.

Demonstrate a democratic approach Democratic relationships assist everyone to become more responsible and more capable. Always show respect and be honest with children, parents and other caregivers, but also be tactful. Democratic procedures are based on equality and mutual respect. They allow children to make choices within acceptable limits. Encourage this decision-making but be careful not to offer too many choices or to expect children to make too many decisions.

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Demonstrate responsive communication Infants and young children need to be listened to in a sensitive manner and to feel understood. Reflective listening acknowledges children’s feelings while showing acceptance and understanding. Caregivers need to be able to communicate their feelings to children and to each other. ‘I’ messages express our feelings in a respectful and non-judgemental manner.

Respond to inappropriate behaviour according to its purpose Most inappropriate behaviour has a social purpose related to the four goals of misbehaviour. By responding appropriately and consistently to the misbehaviour, adults will successfully guide children’s behaviour. All children seek attention. However, children who are misbehaving for attention should be ignored when possible and given attention for positive behaviour.

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Assist young children to accept limits by discussing the limits with them and by involving them in deciding appropriate limits, choices and consequences. Withdraw from power struggles using consequences instead of punishment. Always follow through and be consistent with consequences. Children who are showing revenge may hit, bite or hurt other children; however, retaliation only stimulates further revenge. Never hit, bite or physically punish a child. Use consequences and redirection instead. Always encourage children. Children displaying inadequacy may not be unable, rather they may just lack belief in themselves and their ability, or they may not yet have developed the particular skills. Accept children’s mistakes while encouraging appropriate behaviour.

Believe in yourself Responsive and effective adults will demonstrate democratic values not only with children but also with other adults, and understand one another’s behaviour. By working together and sharing ideas, caregivers are able to encourage one another as cooperative members of a team. Be willing to share your successful and unsuccessful caregiving techniques with peers. Accept yourself and believe in yourself as an effective and responsible caregiver.

Review activities 1

Consider your methods of guiding children’s behaviour and identify which of the principles outlined in this chapter you are using.

2

Identify the principles which you consider to be most important for you and describe why this is so.

3

Identify the principles which you find most difficult to use. Reflect on these and practise their appropriate use.

Activities for further learning 1

Identify an aspect of children’s behaviour with which you feel you are having difficulty using effective guidance. Reflect on the problem and then consider how you could use responsive and effective caregiving principles. You will need to:

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(a) identify the problem (b) work out which technique is appropriate to the problem (c) decide on an alternative response to guide the behaviour more effectively. 2

Next time you are faced with this behaviour follow through your alternative response.

Recommended reading

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Rodd, Jillian. Leadership in Early Childhood: The Pathway to Professionalism. 2nd edn. Allen & Unwin, Sydney, 1998.

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Final word: values

It would be remiss of me to present a book such as this without discussing caregivers’ own values, beliefs and the implications of them for the parents and children with whom they work. For example, I believe that groups function most effectively when working with a democratic approach. That is my belief; I am allowed to have it. However, I acknowledge that not everyone will feel the same way about that belief, perhaps because their value systems and cultural backgrounds are dissimilar to mine, or maybe because their unique life experiences led them to a different set of beliefs. It doesn’t matter, providing we each respect other’s rights to their own set of beliefs. As caregivers and teachers, it is important to assess our values in relation to other people, whether it is the children in our care, adults with whom we are working or parents.

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A caregiver’s own upbringing, philosophy of life, human development, family dynamics and education will be reflected in his or her programs and relationships. Sharing and discussing our beliefs contributes to a better understanding of, and increased sensitivity to, alternative value systems that others may choose to have. If others do not wish to accept our values that is their right, and at times we need to re-examine our own values to see if we wish to continue with them. However, it is important to acknowledge that we each have a right to our own set of beliefs. As discussed in chapter 19, caregivers are encouraged to consider the cultural backgrounds of children and adults. These have implications for values and belief systems relating to children’s behaviour, rights of children, equality of worth and mutual respect between caregivers themselves or between caregivers and parents. Respect for and acceptance of each other’s rights to differing views, and willingness to discuss conflicts, are essential. Of direct concern to caregivers is the acknowledgement and resolution of differences, so that all people will feel accepted for who and what they are.

Review activities 1

Suggest how a caregiver should behave when confronted by someone with different beliefs.

2

Which democratic principles are you demonstrating when you acknowledge another person’s different beliefs?

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Activities for further learning 1

Play the lifeboat game.

The Lifeboat Game You are on a luxury cruise ship and have just spent seven wonderful days sailing the South Pacific. All passengers have become well acquainted, and most relate well to each other. On your second last night at sea your ship hits a coral reef about 10 kilometres offshore and immediately begins to sink. The captain informs you of the following: •

You are to divide into three groups.

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•

Each group will have access to one lifeboat.

•

Each lifeboat will hold only four passengers so you might have an excess of people.

•

Therefore each group will have to decide who can use the lifeboat.

The backgrounds of the people who need to go into one lifeboat are: •

a young career woman of 19 who is having her first working holiday as a nanny to a 3-year-old child

•

a 25-year-old woman who is a single mother of three children under 5 years old. She is on the trip to dry out from drug dependence and alcoholism

•

a middle-aged couple (both divorcees) who have just begun a new life together. They have no children, but a dependant invalid parent at home who requires continuous constant care

•

a 21-year-old man who is paraplegic but can get around independently in his wheelchair or with the help of one other person if there is no wheelchair.

One of the above people cannot be fitted into this lifeboat as it holds only four passengers. If more than four get in, it will capsize and you will all be stranded at sea. (a) How will you decide who can be in a lifeboat? (b) What criteria will you use? (c) Why? 2

Read Schnebly, Out of Apples, chapters 1 and 2, and discuss what causes us to have certain values, beliefs and attitudes.

3

Read Ellis and Harper, A New Guide to Rational Living, and discuss with others whether or not we can change our beliefs and attitudes.

Recommended reading Ellis, A. and Harper, R. A New Guide to Rational Living. Prentice Hall, Upper Saddle River, NJ, 1975. Montgomery, B. and Evans, L. You and Stress: A Guide to Successful Living. Thomas Nelson, Melbourne, 1984. Rodd, Jillian. Leadership in Early Childhood: The Pathway to Professionalism. 2nd edn. Allen & Unwin, Sydney, 1998. Schnebly, Lee. Out of Apples: Lighthearted Psychology, Manzanas Press, Arizona, 1987.

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Index active listening see reflective listening ADHD 184–7 Adler, Alfred 11, 12, 27, 61–2, 69–70, 76, 89 adults case study 5–6, 7 and development of selfesteem 20, 22 and quality care 4–5 responsibilities of 15 see also parents age-appropriate planning 159–65 anger 177–9 anti-social behaviour see negative behaviour anxiety see fears assumed inadequacy and children 66, 76 goal of negative behaviour by adults 220–1 goal of negative behaviour by children 81–2 attention children and 66, 76 goal of negative behaviour by adults 219 goal of negative behaviour by children 77–8 Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder 184–7 autocratic settings 115–16 autonomy 161 babies 23, 34 see also infants baby talk 35 Balsom, Maurice 40–1 behaviour 13 acceptable 32 action plans for management of 96–102 adults 218–21 case study of behaviour management 95–6

230

foundations of behaviour management 94–6 indirect guidance 163–5 management of 92–3 purposes of 36–7 separation from the person 25 see also biting; negative behaviour; positive behaviour; prosocial behaviour behavioural concerns 167–88 behavioural consequences 116–20 belief, in oneself 225 belonging 27, 61–2, 66, 70–1 Berk, Laura 191 biting 167–70, 194–5 body language see non-verbal communication bullying 179–82 caregivers and democratic relationships 13–17 expression of feelings 140–1 relationship with parents 6–7 caregiving democratic approach 13–17 principles 223–5 routines and incidental learning 50 routines and quality approach 47–57 care-providers characteristics of 4 role of 3 see also caregivers challenges, from children 170–3 childcare see caregiving child development 4, 61–7 children acceptance of 40–3 challenging by 170–3

development of 4, 61–7 developmental characteristics 159–63 fears 138–9 see also groups and children communication 100, 133–42, 224 and conflict resolution 151–2 of encouragement 34–5 in limit-setting 108 with parents 210–11 and prosocial behaviour 154 competence level of 25 perception of 21, 22 conflict, inappropriate, withdrawal from 74 conflict resolution 143, 144–5 direct guidance methods 145 and effective communication 151–2 exploring alternatives 148–51 indirect methods 145 preschoolers 148 steps 150–1 toddlers 147–8 contribution, positive behaviour 66, 72 cooperation aspect of democratic approach 15–16, 64 and democratic relationships 32–4 positive behaviour 66, 73 and quality care 10–12 in teams 218 see also SECRET corporal punishment 204 cross-cultural sensitivity 205–7 cultural diversity 204–7 cycle of discouragement 41 cycle of encouragement 128

Index

decision-making, collaborative 196–7 democratic approach in caregiving 13–17 organisation, childcare centres 216–18 democratic relationships caregiving principles 224 need for 115–16 requirements 32–4 developmental stages of infants 62, 160–1 of preschoolers 63, 161–2 of toddlers 63, 161 see also children; Ericksen, Erik H.; infants; Piaget, Jean; preschoolers; toddlers direct guidance methods, conflict resolution 145 discipline 105–6, 115 discouragement 40–1 disruptive behaviour 78, 91, 92–3 distraction 111–12 Dreikurs, Rudolf 76

effective communication see communication effective guidance 105–6 effective limits 108–11 effective relationships 217 encouragement 17, 127–32, 135–6 compared with praise 26–7, 127–8, 135–6 cycle of 128 of infants 34–5, 48 of preschoolers 43–4 and quality care 10–12 see also SECRET equality 13–14, 64 and democratic relationships 32 and quality care 10–12 in teams 218 see also SECRET Erikson, Erik H. 39, 62–3

family constellations 36–7, 65 fears 138–9 feelings, expression by caregivers 140–1 children 136 word list 139 fighting 174–6 freedom, in teams 218 groups of adults 211–14 developmental readiness for 190–5 preschoolers and 198–200 see also groups and children groups and children collaborative decision-making 196–7 developmental readiness for 190–5 optimal sizes of 191 working collaboratively with 189–200 guidance, effective 105–6 ‘I’ messages 120, 140–1, 152 inadequacy, assumed see assumed inadequacy incidental learning 196–7 and caregiving routines 50 indirect guidance 163–5 indirect methods, conflict resolution 145 individual differences, respect for 94 Individual Psychology 12, 27, 61–2, 69–70, 89 infants behaviour management 101–2 biting 168 caregiving routines 48 developing self-esteem 23 developmental stage 62, 160–1 encouragement 34–5, 48 inability to relate consequences to behaviour 118–19

lifestyle perception 64 limit-setting 106–7 needs of 31–2 positive interactions with 31–7 respect for 34 self-esteem 23 understanding of limits 118–19 inside-out approach 5 introductory time, working with groups 198 language 35, 160 see also swearing liars 173–4 lifestyle, perceptions 64–7 and misbehaviour 83 and negative behaviour 82–3 limits effective 108 and effective guidance 106 for infants 106–7 for preschoolers 107–8 and prosocial behaviour 146 setting 194 for toddlers 107 use 112–13 listening and conflict resolution 151–2 reflective 137–8 logical consequences 119–20 lying 174 meal times 54–5 mutual respect see respect natural consequences 119 negative behaviour 34, 40, 69–70, 75–7 action plans for 96–102 behavioural consequences 116–20 categorisation 66, 76, 83 distraction 111–12 in groups 194–5

231

identifying goals of 75–85 as lifestyle perception 82–3 redirection of 91, 109–11, 120 response to 224–5 at sleep times 53 strategies for handling 91 see also behavioural concerns non-verbal communication 134

Index

parents communication with 210– 11 partnerships with 209–15 programs for 211–14 and quality childcare 4–5 support for 209–10 see also adults partnerships, with parents 209–15 Piaget, Jean 160 positive behaviour categorisation of 66 goals 70–4 see also prosocial behaviour positive guidance 44–5 power children and 66, 76 as goal of negative behaviour by adults 219–20 as goal of negative behaviour by children 78–80 praise 26–7, 44 compared with encouragement 127–8, 135–6 preschoolers biting 168 caregiving routines 49–51 conflict resolution 148 developmental stage 63, 161–2 effective relationships 39–46 encouragement of 43–4 groups 192, 198–200 lifestyle perception 64–5 limit-setting 107–8 using limits with 112

232

problem ownership 153–4 problem-solving and bullying 180 preschool groups 198–9 see also conflict resolution prosocial behaviour 89–103, 144–5 effective communication and 154 role of adults 146 teaching 145–6 punishment 32, 115–16, 121, 204 quality care adults’ responsibilities 4–5 case study 5–6, 7, 11–12 characteristics 3–4 redirection 91, 109–11, 120 reflective listening 137–8 respect 14–15, 64 and democratic relationships 32–4 for individual differences 94 and quality care 10–12 in teams 218 see also SECRET responsibility aspect of democratic approach 36 for behaviour 117 positive behaviour 66, 72 see also shared responsibility revenge children and 66, 76 as goal of negative behaviour by adults 220 as goal of negative behaviour by children 66, 76, 80–1 Satir, Virginia 22 SECRET 10–11, 28, 94, 189 self-concept 20–1, 136 self-esteem 5, 19–30, 195 and bullying 181 conflict resolution and 144 encouragement and 43

self-help skills, development 51–6 sensorimotor developmental stage 160 separation fears 182–4 shared responsibility 16–17, 64 and democratic relationships 32 and quality care 10–12 see also SECRET sleep time 51–4 social equality see equality squabbling 174–6 strong-willed children 170–3 swearing 176–7 teamwork 216–22 time-out 121–2 toddlers biting 168 conflict resolution 147–8 developmental stage 63, 161 limit-setting 107 touching 23, 136 trust 15, 64 and democratic relationships 32–4 and quality care 10–12 in teams 218 see also SECRET unacceptable behaviour see negative behaviour values 206, 227–8 voice 34, 35, 43, 134 withdrawal from inappropriate conflict 74 worth, sense of 21, 24–8 young children see preschoolers; toddlers