The Rules of Neighborhood Poker According to Hoyle

THE RULES OF NEIGHBORHOOD POKER ACCORDING TO HOYLE®

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THE RULES OF NEIGHBORHOOD POKER ACCORDING TO

HOYLE® STEWART WOLPIN

NEW CHAPTER PRESS I New York

Copyright © 199 0 by Stewart Wolpin All right s reserved. N o part of this book may be reproduced i n any form o r by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, without permission fro m th e publisher. All inquiries should be addressed to New Chapter Press Inc. , 381 Park Avenue South, Suite 1122, New York, New York 10016. First printin g Marc h 1990 Library of Congress Catalog Card Number : 89-91966 ISBN: 0-942257-19-7 Designer: Stanley S. Drate/Folio Graphics Co. Inc. Copy Editor: Brigid Mas t Front cover design: Michael Olson Manufactured i n the Unite d States of America Hoyle® is a registered trademark of Brown & Bigelow, Inc., St. Paul, Minnesota, and i s used i n this book with that company's permission and endorsement.

To my father, Sheldon —who should be a poker player — and to my mother, Edith, who is.

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CONTENTS Acknowledgments / xi Preface / xv Introduction / xix SECTION1

POKER BASIC S 1

The Poker Primer

5

Two's Company, Ten' s A Crowd / 9

2

What You Play For

11

Ante U p / 1 3 Show U s Your Pairs / 1 5 Chipping I n / 1 7

3

Betting With Your Head (While All About You Are Losing Theirs) How to Bet / 2 4 Low Stakes Idiosyncrasie s / 2 6 Bringing I t All Back Home / 2 8

20

4 It's My Deck and I'll Deal What I Want

35

God With a Deck of Cards / 3 8 The Art of the Dea l / 4 0 Calling All Cards / 4 3

5 Talking Cards

47

6 Beer in the Fridge, Coat on the 7

Bed, Ass at the Table

50

Vinnie, Speed, Roy, Murray, Felix and Oscar

57

8 Emily Post Played Poker?

66

9 Cliches, Truisms, and Old Wives' Tales

72

10 Speaking in Poker Tongues

77

11 A Million Cockroaches Overnight

84

12 Man with the Ax, One-Eyed Jacks 13

and Deuces Wild

90

Share and Share Alike

93

Declare / 9 6 Being a Pi g / 9 9 Other Spli t Variations / 10 3 Splitsville / 10 4

SECTION I I

THE GAMES 14 Five-Card Stud Games

111

High/Low With a Buy , Lowboy, Bu y Your Card/Substitution, Wil d Kings, Do Ya, Push, Pas s the Tras h

15 Seven-Card Stud

172

Roll Your Own, Control , Th e Bitch , High Chicago, Blac k Mariah , Murder, Sevens Take All, Follow the Queen/Th e Lady, Low Hole, Baseball , N o Peek, Nigh t Baseball, Six-Car d Variations

16 Draw

222

Spit in the Ocean , High/Low , Five and Two

17

Community

241

Cincinnati, Criss Cross , Iro n Cross, Pyramid, The H (H-Bomb), Re d & Black, Bundles , Deat h Wheel, Texa s Hold 'E m

18 Guts Indian, Mont e Carlo, Two Plus One , Shoes, Ball s

283

19

Poker by the Numbers

301

Number Guts , Arithmetic, 7/27, Sette Mezzo

20 They Only Call It Poker

309

Ting-a-Ling, Pile Driver, Acey-Deucey , Bourre, 31 S E C T I O N II I

Glossary Index

325 347

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I wa s a prepubescen t growin g u p i n Lakewood , Ne w Jersey, whe n a frien d o f my brother name d Jua n Flore s first introduced m e t o poker . We' d gathe r u p th e gan g after a har d da y on th e sandlo t basebal l field and pla y five-card draw fo r pennies aroun d m y parents' kitche n table, using an old , grim y deck wit h folde d corner s an d missing cards drawn on Jokers . But Juan didn't play. He just dealt. He had learned his way around a dec k o f cards a t a n earl y age an d coul d make them do whatever h e wanted. H e was brilliant. He knew car d trick s tha t weren' t tricks—h e knew wher e your card was . H e was too slippery, too good. He could play with us, as long as he didn't deal in games in which he coul d wi n our pennies. So , he opted t o play permanent dealer, like Kar l Maide n in Th e Cincinnati Kid. Like Maiden , however, Juan was tempted . 1 came t o him wit h a shift y twelve-year-old' s idea : Yo u deal m e good cards , an d I'l l spli t th e winning s wit h you . Ho w could h e resist ? Vision s o f basebal l card s an d cand y bars dance d i n his head. On certain key hands, Jua n fed me cards . H e some how, unbelievably, knew exactly what I was holding, and he kne w exactly what cards I needed. I played my role to xi

xii

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

the hilt, Mr. Innocen t on a run of luck, which got to be a pretty difficul t ac t afte r th e thir d straigh t Aces-ove r ful l house. Juan was amazing, but not too subtle. Eventually, o f course, we wer e foun d out . O r rather, we confessed onc e it got too obvious . Juan couldn't b e caught b y grown men, much less by little pitchers with big ears . The detail s ar e los t i n the blu r of acne, voic e changes, an d girls , bu t someho w I know that our crime was not considered heinous, just poor judgment, and we were forgiven—a s lon g a s w e spli t th e basebal l cards and th e candy. That was my first experience wit h poker, and without it this book would not have been written. I picked up th e game agai n whe n I becam e a sportswriter , and the n again when I moved t o Ne w York City , whic h i s wher e these acknowledgment s really begin. You can't pla y solitaire poker, and yo u can't write a book b y yourself, either . First, m y sincere thank s to th e group o f guy s wh o clim b th e thre e flight s u p t o m y apartment ever y othe r Thursda y night: John (Pyramid ) Day, wh o rea d th e origina l manuscrip t an d provide d some sharp-eye d corrections , Denni s (Bu y Your Car d Substitution) Sawicki , Allen (Wil d Kings ) Grady , Bil l (Seven-Card Stu d High/Low ) Kellogg , Bo b (Murder ) Cherry, Doug-Doug Elam, who always brings me a foun tain-prepared cherry Coke, and, until the middle of 1989, David Anthony , wh o ha s deserte d u s an d move d t o Albany; I don't think he knows how much we miss his cool appraisal and eas y humor. I table-tested a lo t of the eas y and civilize d game s i n thi s boo k o n thes e guys , wh o showed a lot of patience with me as I tried to remembe r all the rules. I'd also lik e to thank some o f the peopl e who mad e multiple gam e contributions : Denni s Paska y i n Cleveland, Gre g Wronsk i i n Bradle y Beach , Ne w Jersey,

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

xiii

John Metzge r i n Rochester , Ne w York , an d Stev e Boot h and Georg e Kop p her e i n Ne w York City . I' d also lik e t o thank th e dozen s of players in games that I'v e sat i n on around th e country . My thank s t o som e non-poke r players : M y undying gratitude t o Howar d Blumenthal , whose constan t prod ding and confidenc e i n me kept me working toward thi s book, and t o Mr . Ugly, Glenn T. Kenny, m y long-sufferin g roommate, who i s stil l tryin g to figure out ho w t o pla y this sill y game. Finally, a big thanks t o the only female in this book— my publisher and edito r Wendy Reid Crisp—for an amaz ing editing job and fo r making sure that the best possible book got out there. She' s a wild Quee n i n the hole , an d she ha s m y eternal thanks . STEWART WOLPIN New York January 1990

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PREFACE

When Mr . Baby asked me t o review his manuscript , I did so with great vigor. Since Mr . Baby an d I hav e bee n player s a t hi s bi weekly poke r gam e fro m th e git-go , 1 felt qualifie d t o incorporate m y professional experienc e (publishing ) with my personal interes t (poker) . I tried to see mysel f as one o f th e player s describe d i n Chapte r 7 , "Vinnie , Speed, Roy , Murray , Felix , and Oscar, " an d though t that I was mor e o f a composite of many than a n embodimen t of one. Onc e your game ha s become the institution our s has, doubtles s yo u wil l appreciat e Chapte r 7 al l th e more. The reason that I call the author Mr. Baby is a glimpse into the socia l peckin g orde r o f poker. Hi s real nam e i s Stewart, s o onc e I became familia r wit h him, I tried th e nicknames o f Stewball (wit h reference to th e Peter , Paul & Mar y tun e abou t a racehorse ) o r Ste w Baby . Unfailingly, whe n I would cal l hi m Ste w Baby , hi s pa t re sponse would b e "That' s Mr. Baby to you," especially i f I had jus t burne d hi m i n a spirite d hand . Fo r the las t few years, h e ha s pu t a "Mr. " in fron t o f my surname , an d now I always cal l hi m Mr . Baby. Over th e cours e o f the lif e o f a poke r game , certai n XV

xvi

PREFACE

nicknames wil l evolve . At our curren t game, we hav e a collection o f Mr . Baby , Bi g AI , Feli x (a s i n Th e Od d Couple), Cherry (as in bing), Doug-Doug, and Smokey, to name a few . There i s a greate r degre e o f camaraderi e involved wit h nickname s i n a poke r game , no t unlik e code names give n to members of a secret society . Certain ritual s enter th e game . I brought several o f the mor e exoti c games t o the attentio n of the table , my favorite o f whic h i s Pyramid . (Onc e yo u hav e playe d Pyramid a fe w times, i t will becom e apparen t tha t th e dealer ha s a hug e advantage i n structurin g th e flo w of the game , bu t regardles s o f the advantag e on e alway s must have winning cards.) Man y times when i t comes to my tur n t o deal , I don' t hav e t o announc e th e gam e because others d o i t for me. 'Are we travelin g to Egypt? " or "D o I see a sphin x in the room? " ar e commo n questions . An d I don' t eve n answer. I simply deal ou t fou r dow n cards and for m th e pyramid. I f I'm having a ba d night , I will ofte n poin t th e top o f the pyrami d toward me . I learne d th e gam e o f Pyrami d in th e Sout h fro m a pair o f identica l twin s who m w e use d t o cal l th e Sa moans. No , they weren't from Samoa , but they were dark complected an d resemble d a tag team fro m som e third rate wrestling show. They were also know n as th e entry (1 an d 1A , ge t it? ) and "Joh n an d Tom/To m an d John " because when they first walked into a room you couldn't tell on e fro m th e other , s o sayin g both thei r name s i n both order s assure d tha t you were greetin g the m properly. Ther e was a taci t rule at th e tabl e tha t they would never g o the sam e way in a spli t game , not take a car d that th e othe r needed . Thi s is not technically cheating, but i t is about a s clos e as you can com e withou t being guilty. Th e brother s deal t som e game s tha t ha d t o b e

PREFACE

xvii

played t o b e believed , bu t Pyrami d was on e o f their better contributions . Today i s Thursday , bu t i t i s a n "of f Thursday , n o poker tonight . One week fro m tonight , though , the gan g will assembl e o n th e Eas t Sid e o f Manhatta n a t 5:30 , beers in hand, an d Mr . Baby will answer the doorbell by throwing dow n th e ke y fro m th e thir d floor . I think tha t Stewart uses the key toss as a sobriety tes t to gauge how responsive th e players are that night. Then we will all sit down, commen t o n th e stat e o f th e Knicks , li e abou t how w e di d a t th e las t poke r gathering , and i f the firs t hook lands in front o f me, we'll travel to the Lan d of the Pharaohs . . . MR. DA Y New York January, 1990

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INTRODUCTION

They play a funn y car d gam e i n La s Vegas. They call it poker. I played it there once. It didn't seem like poker t o me. For one thing , they always played the same game— seven-card stud . N o wild cards , n o dealer' s choice . Seven-card stud . Th e tabl e wa s ver y quie t an d al l th e players wer e ver y serious . I t wa s lik e 2001: A Space Odyssey—you coul d onl y hear players breathing, in between bets spaced lik e chess moves. "I bet a dollar." An hour later , " I call." Seven-card stud, followed b y sevencard stud , the n seven-car d stud—a d nauseam . I go t bored. You see, Rea l Poke r i s not supposed t o be quie t an d understated, it' s no t suppose d t o resembl e anythin g close t o chess , an d it' s rarely eve r straigh t seven-car d stud. Real Poker is Baseball—3s and 9 s are wild and a 4 gets you a n extr a card. Rea l Poke r i s Two-Card Guts , o r Spit i n the Ocean , o r Criss Cross, or Sevens Take All, or Five-Card Draw Jacks or Better to Open Trips to Win with One-Eyed Jacks Wild . Rea l Poke r i s as man y silly variations o n a poke r them e a s yo u ca n add , o r teaching everyone a new game that you just made up and having it named after you as i f you had discovered a new comet. xix

XX

INTRODUCTION

And mostly , Rea l Poke r i s when five of a kin d beats a royal flush , which could neve r happen i n Las Vegas. I tried to find a book on neighborhood poker , the way most American s pla y poker , t o improv e m y ow n fort nightly game. I visited th e Ne w York Publi c Library an d found abou t twenty-fiv e book s o n poker . They had title s like How t o Play Winning Poker, Poker: Playing t o Win, Poker Strategy and Winning Play, Winning Poker, Winning Methods of Bluffing and Betting in Poker, Winning Poker Systems—and s o on . I got bored. Real Poke r isn't abou t winning . Rea l Poke r is poker as practice d i n private homes an d apartment s i n neighborhoods acros s th e country . It's about havin g a goo d time. None of the books I'v e found o n poker is designed for you or me, member s of the millions of neighborhood poker games—or for those of you who have never played the game bu t want to learn. This book i s not about ho w to wi n a t poker ; thi s boo k i s abou t th e game s poke r players play, the wild and woolly variations that are dealt out a t neighborhoo d dealer' s choic e games . Th e ques tions thi s boo k answer s ar e no t "Ho w ca n yo u tel l if someone wh o ha s jus t be t $1,00 0 wit h a pai r o f 3 s showing is bluffing?" but 'Are Queens i n the hole wild in Follow th e Queen? " or , "In Night Baseball , do I have t o match th e po t i f I get a wil d 3? " And, most important, "Where's th e beer?" I've include d nearl y 200 differen t game s an d varia tions, the coun t dependin g o n your definition o f "variation." Ther e ar e severa l variation s o f Baseball , fo r example, bu t I'v e counted i t as on e gam e sinc e al l th e variations play similarly. But there are othe r games that, with minor variations, become whole new games . You ma y be familia r wit h some of these games, bu t not by the name I've used or with the exact rules I follow. That's okay . I make n o claim s o f paten t o r originality;

INTRODUCTION

xxi

there ar e fe w poker game s tha t ar e trul y original . Th e only importan t thin g i s tha t yo u recogniz e th e gam e when someon e calls it . But ther e i s mor e t o neighborhoo d poke r tha n games. Ther e i s th e ambience , th e atmospher e a t a neighborhood poke r game . This atmospher e is created by the players and ho w they react t o each other. They'r e friends having fun, n t strangers i n competition. Poker is a grou p of guys who get together once or twice a month to laugh , tal k sports , drin k beer , an d smok e big , ugly cigars and who lik e to sit around an d hav e a good tim e and mayb e pla y a littl e cards . It' s macho camaraderie , doing somethin g slightl y illegal , tha t excite s th e rebe l within mos t middle-age d poker players—alon g with th e thrill o f athletic-like competition withou t risk of seriou s injury t o underuse d muscles . It' s half a doze n guy s sitting in a cramped roo m for five hours, breathing secondhand smok e tha t would chok e any resident of L.A. on a smog-alert day , eatin g brow n o r gree n sandwiche s o n stale bread, drinking warm beer, sitting in uncomfortable metal foldin g chairs , staring int o bright overhead lights, foreheads an d back s drippin g we t wit h sweat , hai r greasy, ski n sticky , palm s clammy , bod y smelly—the n staggering home $15 0 poorer. I kno w wha t you'r e thinking . We'r e not i n i t fo r th e money? And, this is fun ? I asked th e player s at m y ow n game wha t keep s the m comin g bac k wee k afte r week . What mad e Feli x sa y a t th e en d o f Th e Od d Couple: "Marriages ma y com e an d go , bu t th e gam e mus t g o on"? Did I ge t dee p metaphysica l insight s into th e grea t cultural an d socia l diversit y o f Americans ' leisur e ac tivities? Ho w poker i s a share d experience , a deep par t of our huma n psych e dating back to the Ston e Age and the primitiv e need fo r community ? O r th e underlying

xxii

INTRODUCTION

need fo r competition, brough t on b y the ego-crushin g forces of everyday life? Is it related to man's need fo r selfabuse, brough t o n b y a guilt y conscience o f sins committed by thought and deed? Are yo u kidding ? I go t "Wh o cares? Shu t u p an d deal." That's wha t I thought . It' s 5 & 2, n o sandbagging , deuces wild and pas s th e potato chips . And we're ligh t an ante .

SECTION

I POKER BASICS

I hang out with a lo t of regular guys , the type you ca n

pass three or fou r hour s with at the bar and grill , shoot ing the breeze abou t sports , women , roc k and roll , and politics while hoisting a couple of cool one s an d checking out the local talent. I also han g out wit h some intellectua l types. ( I can't help it—I' m a writer . I have t o han g ou t wit h intellec tuals. It' s part of my job.) These ar e th e guy s who dres s in blac k n o matte r ho w ho t i t i s outside , wh o rea d Baudelaire, wh o ca n explai n the differenc e betwee n atonal an d dissonance , an d wh o watch foreig n movie s with subtitles—b y choice—an d discus s wha t th e filmmaker is trying to "say" over an espresso an d a piece of baklava. I also know more than a few executives, guys in gray Brooks Brothers suits, red silk ties, and wing-tip Oxfords 1

2

POKER BASICS

who are responsible for such ail-America n concepts as "demographics," "market share," and, best of all, "return on investment. " Now, you'r e probabl y sayin g to yourself , "Okay , you hang out with a lot of different type s of guys. What's that got t o d o wit h poker? " Well , I' m gla d yo u asked . Th e diverse compositio n of my crowd ha s a great bearing on whether any of the followin g i s going to make sense. Every other Thursday night , I host a poker game that includes players fro m al l three groups. On occasion we have ne w players. Some guy s fit right in , no matte r who they are. Othe r guy s lose. And I don't mea n jus t lose. I mean they'r e lost. Some guys , no matter how cool, intel lectual, or savvy they are, don' t hav e the foggies t notio n of what they have i n their hand or of what is going on a t the table around them. Raises and calls hit them from all sides. Hearts , diamonds, clubs , and spades swirl before them as i f the dec k of cards were thrown up i n front o f a fan. I t always seem s t o b e thei r tur n t o bet , an d the y invariably make th e wrong one . The y don't realiz e ho w their betting, or lack of it, affects everyon e else's strategy, much les s thei r ow n pocketbook . Whateve r prou d achievements the y may have to their credit in the world outside m y apartment , they'r e hopeles s incompetent s with five cards an d a stack o f chips. Sure, they understand the theory of poker. They know that a straigh t beat s thre e o f a kind . The y kno w tha t if someone raises they owe more mone y t o the pot . They know what a bluf f is . But they can't pu t i t together. They don't understand the practice of poker. The point I'm taking the scenic rout e to is that poker is much mor e tha n being smart, knowing that a straight beats thre e o f a kind , o r understandin g what call s an d raises are . Poke r i s mor e tha n readin g the subtl e signs that reveal whether a player is bluffing o r not. Poker is a

POKER BASICS

3

synergistic combinatio n o f thes e element s an d som e intangibles tha t can' t be explaine d i n a book. The guys you'd think wouldn't understand Rambo are the sharpes t ones at the table, while the guys who regularl y read The Wall Street Journal leav e th e gam e wit h jus t enoug h money fo r cab fare . The best way to understan d th e complet e poke r experience i s to play . When w e hav e a ne w player at ou r game, w e sugges t h e pul l up a chair , gra b a brew , and soak in some poker atmosphere . He should watc h thre e or fou r hand s t o ge t a fee l fo r ho w w e pla y differen t games, t o ge t int o th e poke r rhythm . H e shoul d as k questions abou t wh y a han d i s deal t i n a particula r manner. H e should pla y along over the shoulde r o f one player through an entir e hand, hobno b an d ru b elbow s with th e poke r ho i pollo i an d ge t int o th e spiri t o f th e game befor e trying to get into some pots. H e should b e ready to lose and understand wh y he lost, so he can win later. Make yourself a sandwich, gra b a beer, and pic k u p the bo x tha t say s "Hoyle " o n it . No w sa y t o yourself , "This is a deck o f cards." Welcome to neighborhood poker .

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CHAPTER

1

The Poker Primer

A is for Ace, which can be high or low; B is for Bet, which makes the pot grow; C is for Cards, which you must choose. D is for Dollars, which you will lose.

I

n a n episod e o f Star Trek: Th e Next Generation, the opening vignette featured a poker game. The deal cam e to Lt . Commander Data—the android (I told you anyone could lear n poker) . H e shuffle d th e cards , the n calmly declared: "Seven-car d stud . Afte r th e firs t Queen , one eyed Jack s an d lo w hol e wild. " Gordy, th e blin d engineer, muttered , "Le t m e writ e thi s dow n s o 1 can re member it. " Don't worry about Data' s blathering. The point is that his instruction s represente d dealer' s choic e i n al l it s wonder. The dealer decides what game he wants to deal, and everyon e mus t play , no matte r how sill y th e gam e may sound. The game continually changes fro m hand to hand as the deal move s clockwise around the table, the play controlled by the whim of the ne w dealer. But th e poke r basics—th e rule s o f ho w game s ar e

5

6

POKER BASICS

dealt, what hands beat what hands, poker according to Hoyle, Scarne , or whomever—don' t change , eve n unt o the 24t h century . Yo u won't fin d five-car d dra w i n New York tha t differen t fro m five-car d dra w i n Portland , Oregon—or Portland, Maine , for that matter. To begin: A is fo r Ace-high, which mean s you don' t have a pair or higher and the best card i n your hand is an Ace. I f no one els e has a pair o r higher, Ace-high is the best han d an d wil l win th e pot . I f no on e ha s a n Ace , then King-high will win, and s o on through Queen-high , Jack-high, etc. I f you and someon e else both hav e Aces, you compar e th e nex t highes t cards . I f you're stil l tied , compare the third highest cards, and s o on. I f you're tied after th e fifth card, cal l Guinness . A complete hand i s always composed of five cards— just lik e the five fingers on you r flesh-and-bloo d hand . Here i s th e sequenc e o f winning hands , i n ascendin g order: High card, or Ace-high Pair Two pai r Three o f a kind Straight Flush Full house Four of a kind Straight flus h Five of a kin d (i n a wild card game ) Even non-poke r player s hav e a passin g familiarit y with this list . Car d makers , suc h a s Hoyle , includ e i t with every pack of cards. It's part o f the thre e Rs of poker— Reading th e cards , Raisin g the bet , an d Rakin g i n th e chips. You can't spell "winnings" without it.

THE POKER PRIMER

7

People, however , mak e th e mistak e of believing that knowing thi s lis t means the y know how to pla y poker . This is like saying that i f you can coun t fro m on e t o ten, you can do calculus. Test anyone who evinces interest in playing i n your neighborhood game . I f h e answer s your "Do yo u kno w ho w t o play? " quer y wit h a scholarl y recitation o f thi s list , politel y tel l hi m tha t there' s n o room at the tabl e (unles s you reall y don' t lik e the guy and yo u can thin k of no bette r pastime than to see hi m shovel cash from hi s wallet to yours). Since thi s lis t i s th e ABC s o f poker , allo w m e t o explain eac h hand . Yo u may want t o cli p thi s lis t an d keep it handy at your next game. It may not be necessary, but, a s m y grandmothe r use d t o say , i t couldn' t hurt . Even simpl e thing s can b e forgotte n afte r enoug h Wil d Turkey. Ace-high i s a han d wit h five mismatched cards , th e highest o f which i s a n Ace . Ace-high beats a han d i n which the best car d is a mere King . A pair i s a hand i n which two cards ar e o f the sam e denomination—two 7 s o r tw o Kings , fo r example. Th e other thre e cards are mismatched . I f someon e els e ha s an identica l pair—sa y you bot h hav e a pai r o f 7s—the winning hand i s determined b y the next highest car d i n your hand , th e "kicker. " If an Ac e i s on e o f your thre e extra cards , an d th e othe r fello w onl y has a Kin g as a kicker, you win. Two pair is two sets of pairs—a pair of 7s and a pair of Jacks, fo r instance—and th e fift h car d i s th e kicker . When yo u announc e you r hand , sa y " I have tw o pair, Jacks over," meaning that the Jacks are your highest pair. The highes t of the tw o pair determines the winne r of a hand. I f someone els e ha s tw o pair , Queen s over , you lose. I f you bot h hav e Jack s over , th e playe r with th e highest second pair wins. If you have two identical pairs,

POKER BASIC S

8

the player with the highest kicker wins. I f you're still tied, call Ripley's (you already calle d Guinness) . Three o f a kind i s a han d wit h thre e card s o f th e same denomination , suc h a s thre e 7s , wit h tw o un matched cards . I f two players hav e th e sam e three of a kind, don' t cal l anyone . You'r e playin g with a Pinochl e deck. A straight i s fiv e cards i n numerical sequence , re gardless of suit, such as :

8

9

10

J

Q

As you ca n see , th e card s ar e no t th e sam e suit . I n a straight, it' s the number s onl y that count. A straight can start with an Ace—A-2-3-4-5—which i s called a "small " straight, o r en d wit h a n Ace—10-J-Q-K-A—whic h i s called a "high" straight (not a "big" straight; no one said poker was logical) . A flush i s five cards, all of the same suit—five hearts , five diamonds, five clubs, five spades—in no particula r numerical sequence , suc h a s 2-6-9-J- A of hearts. I f two players hav e flushes , th e on e wit h th e highes t cards i s the winner. For instance, i f you have an Ace, you have an Ace-high flus h an d wil l bea t a King-hig h flush . I f both players have Aces, then the next highest card determines the winner. Holding a flush and losin g to another flush isn't cause for calling Ripley or Guinness. Just hope your host has removed al l the breakables. A full house, also known as a "boat" for reasons I've yet to discover, i s a hand wit h both a pair and three of a kind—for instance , thre e 7 s an d a pai r o f 2s . Whe n declaring your hand, you say , "I've got a boat , 7 s over," indicating that the thre e o f a kind , th e dominan t set, i s the 7s . You could b e beaten b y a ful l hous e wit h three 8s or any set of three cards highe r than 7s. The pair is never

THE POKER PRIMER

9

a determinin g facto r unles s yo u ar e playin g with wild cards that make identical sets of three of a kind possible. Four of a kind i s a han d i n which you've bee n lucky enough t o collect all fou r card s of one denomination — all fou r 7s , fo r example. Tw o players ca n hol d identica l four of a kinds only in a wild-card game . A straight flush i s a straigh t made u p o f cards o f a single suit—4-5-6-7- 8 o f hearts , fo r instance . A royal flush i s a "high" straight flush with an Ace: A-K-Q-J-10. In a han d playe d without wild cards, a straight flush is the highest han d possibl e and th e royal flush is the highest straight flush and a sure winner. I've never seen a natural royal flush , bu t the n I'v e only been playin g poker fo r 20 years. Five o f a kind ca n b e achieve d onl y i n a wild-car d game. Ther e are only four suits and, therefore, only fou r cards of each numerical value—fou r 7s , for example, o r four Queens . You can ge t five of a kin d only if you hav e wild card s i n additio n t o you r "natural, " o r non-wild , cards. To get five 7s i n a gam e i n which th e deale r ha s declared deuce s wild, you'd need : fou r 7 s and on e de uce, thre e 7 s and tw o deuces, two 7s and thre e deuces , or one 7 and fou r deuces . Fiv e of a kind is a great han d to b e holdin g and a lous y han d t o los e to, especially if youVe been betting heavily and smugly on a straight flush. I've ha d fiv e o f a kind . Mor e often—twic e i n on e month, i n fact—I've ha d wil d card roya l flushes , onl y to lose t o five of a kind . I was bettin g heavily and smugly . They're using my screams in the next Nightmare o n Elm Street. TWO'S COMPANY, TEN'S A CROWD

Neighborhood poke r i s bes t whe n playe d wit h fiv e t o seven players . The more cards used in a game, the better

10

POKER BASICS

the hands tend t o get since more card s i n the dec k wil l be i n play . With fou r hands , yo u ma y use onl y hal f th e cards in the deck, so the best cards may not even make it into someone's hand. If you play with only four players, a pair ma y en d u p winnin g all th e time , an d that' s no t exactly exciting. No one is going to do much betting with only a pair . Poker is exciting when a ful l hous e beats a flush and the winner rakes i n fifty chips and some loose bills, not when a pair of Queens beat s a pair of 10s and the winner scrapes in ten chips . Six i s th e bes t numbe r o f players becaus e you ca n play any poker game invented, and you can all fit around a medium-siz e tabl e withou t bein g abl e t o smel l your neighbor's nervou s sweat . I f you hav e mor e tha n si x players, it' s tough to play five-card draw, one o f the mos t popular poker games . I n five-card draw, each player can replace u p t o thre e o f hi s fiv e card s wit h thre e ne w cards. That means eac h player can get up to eight cards. Multiplied b y seve n players , that' s 5 6 cards. Ther e ar e only 5 2 cards i n a deck . Eve n with two Jokers i n play , which I hate , ther e ar e stil l no t enoug h card s t o g o around. Okay, you have seve n player s and yo u can ge t along fine without five-card draw. Seven players can stil l fit, if a little tigher—an d smellier—aroun d th e table . Bu t with more tha n seve n players , it s toug h t o pla y th e mos t common poker game—seven-car d stud . If each of eight players get s th e maximu m seve n cards , that' s als o 56 cards. Plus , wit h eigh t players , tha t tabl e i s gettin g crowded. So, i f you hav e fewe r tha n fiv e players , pla y Black Jack or Rummy. If you have more than seven, play a lot of six-card stu d and wear nose-plugs .

CHAPTER

2

What You Play For

RAVELLI: "Whadoyoo play for?" MRS. RITTENHOUSE : "Oh, we just play for small stakes." RAVELLI: 'And trench fried potatoes?"

Animal Crackers The Mar x Brothers, 193 0

It's very messy t o pla y poker fo r french frie d potatoes .

The ketchu p tend s t o mak e th e card s sticky , fo r on e thing. Bu t identifyin g th e stakes—ho w muc h mone y you'll b e playin g for—i s th e firs t questio n you'l l as k when considerin g a ne w gam e o r satisfyin g a poke r curiosity-seeker abou t you r own game . Stake s describ e the leve l o f game yo u play—ho w seriou s th e gam e is . The highe r the stakes , th e mor e seriou s th e game . We play for small stakes (without the frenc h fried potatoes ) because w e don' t lik e t o b e to o serious . (I n fact , no w that I think of it, maybe i t would be mor e fu n t o pla y for french frie d potatoes . Bu t I digress.) The stakes shoul d tell you how much you could lose in a worst-case scenario. Ask about this before you enter a game. I define a neighborhood gam e as on e i n which I 11

12

POKER BASICS

won't los e mor e tha n $5 0 o n a n averag e night . How much you r possible losse s will be , o f course, depend s on th e stake s an d ho w well—o r ho w badly—yo u play . Admittedly, $50 is a completely arbitrary figure based on my socioeconomic status (i.e. , a perpetually broke free lancer). If you nee d a les s restrictive definition o f low-stakes poker, ho w abou t this : You shouldn't los e mor e i n on e night tha n yo u woul d spen d o n a ho t date . (Bu t afte r you've los t $5 0 in a poker game , you don't then have to suffer th e furthe r ignomin y of a handshak e instea d o f a kiss and no t being invited upstairs.) In mor e practica l terms , stake s defin e th e highes t amount o f mone y tha t ca n b e be t a t on e time—th e "limit." In La s Vegas, the lowes t limi t I'v e found i s a $ 4 game—no player ca n be t o r raise mor e tha n $ 4 in on e bet. Most neighborhood poke r games range between 50cent an d $ 2 limit games . Stakes are set by the guys sitting around your table— the "house " in neighborhood poker—wh o ar e tryin g t o find the holy ground between "If we don't play for at least this much , n o on e wil l b e bluffe d out, " and "I f w e play for thi s much , I' m liabl e t o b e eatin g bologn a sand wiches fo r th e nex t month. " Th e lowes t allowabl e be t should b e enough t o force you out o f a game i f you only have an iff y hand . If the lowes t allowabl e be t i s too low, everyone wil l sta y i n ever y hand , whic h remove s th e element o f bluffing . Fo r poker t o hav e an y excitement, there has t o be a n element of danger—the danger of the month-long diet of bologna sandwiches . How much yo u can be t i s determined b y the stake s and th e chi p denomination s available . Poke r chip s i n neighborhood gam e are most ofte n plasti c and com e in red, white, and blue; each color equal s a denomination. For som e reason , whit e chip s alway s represen t th e

WHAT YOU PLA Y FO R

13

lowest allowable bet. In a $1 limit game, the white chips would b e wort h a quarter , the re d chips ; 5 0 cents, an d the blue chips, $1 . Some low-stake s game s hav e liberal betting rules. In a $1 game, you can be t any amount that is a multiple of 25 cents—th e lowes t availabl e chi p denomination—a t any time . You can, theoretically , bet $ 1 on you r first up card. I n other game s there are varyin g levels o f restrictions, dependin g on whose house you'r e in. In some $1 games, you can be t $ 1 only in the las t betting round. The reaso n fo r an y an d al l restrictions—an d fo r a limit o n stakes—i s t o kee p thing s friendly . Th e reaso n you play neighborhood poke r i s to hav e fun, not to win money. Money just makes th e gam e interesting . A friend of min e onc e sai d tha t i f you nee d th e mone y fro m a neighborhood poke r game to liv e on, you need help . Few players i n a neighborhoo d poke r gam e ar e ap preciably bette r tha n th e othe r players . With som e notable exceptions , n o on e win s al l th e tim e and n o on e loses all the time . Another poker acquaintanc e o f mine noted tha t th e sam e $5 0 keeps makin g its way around the table. In other words, you'll win one week, you'll los e the next . Player s who lose consistently don' t sta y i n the game an d ar e replace d b y better players who shar e th e wealth—or lac k thereof. ANTE UP Part of the stake s i s the ante—th e preliminary bet, a set amount placed int o the pot by each player before a hand is dealt . Th e ante ensure s tha t each playe r has a small investment in the hand and that no one get s a free rid e if he drops out after seein g his crummy cards. The ante remains consisten t throughou t a game , s o th e questio n "How muc h i s the ante? " isn' t raised befor e eac h hand .

14

POKER BASIC S

Keeping th e amoun t o f th e ant e consisten t simplifie s matters. But, lik e everythin g else i n life , antein g i s no t a s simple a s i t should be . Th e mos t accepte d metho d o f anteing i s th e deale r bellow s "ant e up " an d everyon e dutifully tosse s i n th e require d amount. Bu t when th e antes ar e counted prio r to a deal, th e pot is often shor t one ante—a poker inevitability, sort of like the death and taxes o f poker . N o matte r ho w diligen t o r reliabl e th e players are , o r ho w alcohol-fre e th e gam e is , hal f th e pots ar e alway s shy one ante . Eac h player piously testifies tha t he' s anted , ofte n relatin g a comple x serie s of events a s proof : 'Afte r I folde d m y las t hand , I knew I should ge t read y for the nex t hand, so I took a chi p off my pile and lef t i t out fron t her e s o I wouldn't forget t o ante, an d now—it' s no t here ! S o I mus t hav e anted. " Eventually, som e impatien t and overl y generous sucke r will disgustedl y thro w i n a secon d ant e jus t t o ge t th e next hand started . One way to avoid this misunderstanding is to ante in sequence, startin g from th e lef t o f the dealer . Bu t afte r three hours of playing with Jack Daniels, it's tough to get players to behave so anal-retentively. A secon d metho d t o mak e sur e tha t ther e ar e n o mistakes and guarante e that the pot will always be righ t is fo r th e deale r t o ant e fo r everyone . I f ther e ar e fiv e players i n the game and the ante is a quarter, the deale r antes $1.25— 25 cent s time s five players—before deal ing. This means, o f course, tha t each playe r must deal the sam e numbe r of hands s o tha t n o on e ante s mor e than anyone else . As I mentioned , th e ant e remain s consisten t throughout a game . An y dealer, however , ca n declar e any ante h e like s for that hand. I n some five-card stud games, a deale r wil l doubl e th e ant e and th e stake s t o

WHAT YOU PLAY FO R

15

make a pot bigger than it might normally be after the fou r rounds o f betting in five-card stud. The siz e o f a pot can als o be increase d b y charging players for additional cards in certain games. The dealer announces befor e h e deal s tha t th e firs t ne w card , for instance, wil l cos t everybod y $X , an d th e secon d ne w card will cost $X-Plus . The ante i s part of the pot that the winner or winners of a han d collect . However , i n som e game s th e ante s from eac h han d ar e pu t aside . A group i n on e neigh borhood game I know saves all the ante s fo r a big party at a fanc y restauran t a t th e en d o f the year . I have suggested t o the grou p I play with that we sav e our antes t o buy a real, felt-covered poker table, with built-in coaster s for bottle s o r glasses , an d chi p wells. My "friends" want to kno w who'll ow n th e table . I assumed tha t since w e play i n m y apartment. . . . Th e suggestio n hasn't gon e over too well. SHOW US YOUR PAIRS

We're extremely friendl y at my house—we play a restrictive 50-cen t limi t game . Th e chi p denomination s ar e also 25 cents, 5 0 cents, an d $1—th e $ 1 chips ar e use d for convenience whe n a player wants to bet 50 cents an d raise 5 0 cents. A bet o f 50 cents, however , cannot b e mad e unless a player is dealt an exposed pair—called "a pair showing." For instance, i f a playe r has tw o 7s dealt up t o hi m i n a seven-card stu d game , h e ca n be t eithe r 2 5 cents or 50 cents. An y player at the table can bet or raise 50 cents a s long as one playe r has a pair showing, even if the player with the pair doesn't want to bet 50 cents o r doesn't want to bet at all. A "pair showing" means jus t that—a pair as part of a

16

POKER BASICS

player's u p cards. In a seven-card stu d han d with a wild card, a player could ge t a wild card o n his first up card . Obviously, thi s mean s thi s playe r ha s a pair—th e wil d card an d on e o f his hol e cards—bu t bot h card s o f the pair aren't exposed. The other player s don' t kno w what the pai r consists of since half o f it is hidden in the hole . Since the y don' t kno w wha t th e pai r consist s of , an d since an y playe r theoreticall y ca n hav e a pai r wit h or without a wil d car d i n th e hole , th e be t remain s th e minimum, or 25 cents. There isn't a pair showing until a second card i s dealt to the player with the wild card an d all the players know what the pair is. There will be situations in which a player with a pair showing drops out , leaving no pair showing amongst the remaining players . Ca n yo u stil l be t 5 0 cents ? Thi s comes unde r th e jurisdictio n of the hous e rules . Som e houses pla y tha t sinc e ther e had bee n a pai r showing, the bettin g can continu e as i f the pair were stil l there— sort o f lik e a pair-showin g grandfathe r clause. Othe r houses play the converse—once the pair goes out of the game, ther e i s no longe r a pair showing and, therefore, only 25-cent bet s can be made . There wil l b e time s when fou r u p card s ar e deal t t o each playe r an d n o on e get s a pai r showing , s o onl y quarters ar e bet . O r sometimes player s ar e to o cheap : No on e ha s a goo d hand , no t eve n a littl e pai r lik e deuces, so everyon e "checks. " (A player can "check" — choose not to bet—as long as he doesn't owe the pot any money. A s soo n a s someon e bets , th e playe r wh o checked must pay the pot or drop.) B y the thir d round of betting—or, i n thi s case , checking—th e origina l ante s are th e onl y chips i n the pot . Becaus e o f the likelihood that n o pai r wil l b e showing , i n som e neighborhoo d games a 50-cen t be t i s aHowe d afte r th e las t card—th e final dow n car d i n a seven-car d stu d game , fo r exam -

WHAT YOU PLAY FO R

17

pie—is dealt. Allowin g th e maximu m bet afte r th e final card build s up what could b e a disappointing pot. This may sound like an overly restrictive way to play. Admittedly, th e amoun t o f bluffin g shrink s sinc e fe w players wil l b e bluffe d ou t o f a gam e i f all the y have t o bet is 50 cents. But we are low-stake-living poker players. Our ide a o f a ba d nigh t i s $30 in losses; w e rarel y have dates ho t enoug h t o warran t springin g fo r dinne r a t Lutece. Th e Automat is more lik e it. These low stakes— so-called quarter/half—game s ar e fairl y commo n an d constitute th e majorit y o f neighborhoo d poke r game s I've allowe d mysel f to lose money in . I have playe d i n $ 2 limit neighborhood poke r games with mor e prosperou s fellow s wh o wer e lawyers , doc tors, o r successfu l entrepreneur s o n th e verge of being bought ou t b y larg e corporations. I found tha t moving from a 50-cent limi t to a $1 limit game, or from a $1 to a $2 game , doesn' t doubl e you r potentia l winning s or losses. I n bot h cases , it' s mor e lik e thre e time s th e damage—your winning s or , mor e likely , you r losses , increase geometrically with each step up i n stakes. You r urge i s t o be t mor e t o wi n bac k you r losses , whic h always mean s yo u lose more. Thes e riche r types i n the $2 game ha d mone y to burn, bluffed wit h abandon, an d played wit h what th e Spanish-speakin g segment o f our population calls "cojones." That's "chutzpah" to those of you o f a differen t ethni c persuasion . I couldn' t reall y afford—or didn' t hav e th e cojones—t o sta y i n thes e games very long. CHIPPING I N The house wil l dictate a minimum chip purchase befor e you sit down at the table. For instance, in a 50-cent limit game, you have to buy at least $10 worth of chips, doled

18

POKER BASICS

out in 25-cent, 50-cent, and $ 1 chips. I n a $1 limit game, the minimum purchase i s $20. Some games also require you hav e a certai n amoun t o f mone y o n you—th e amount yo u mus t b e willin g t o lose . Thi s minimum ensures tha t player s don' t dro p ou t to o earl y i n th e evening, leaving the game short-handed . Th e higher the stakes, th e mor e strictl y th e minimum s are enforced , especially for new players . I hav e playe d i n loosel y organize d affair s tha t re quired everyone to bring rolls of quarters. How declasse! How unwieldy ! Naked quarter s don' t stac k well , they bounce around too much, and they're too thin to pick up after a long night. And who wants to go home with $25 in winnings, pockets bulgin g with a hundred quarters? Chips ar e big , they'r e substantial , an d the y don' t bounce aroun d a s much . Chip s mak e yo u fee l a s i f you're really playing poker, since that's the way they play in th e casino s an d i n James Bon d movies . Chip s stack up nic e an d neat . Peopl e alway s seem t o get shot when there's cash money on the table, and besides, it' s hard to picture Sean Conner y tossing quarters to raise. Chips ar e dole d ou t i n pre-measured stacks . When players come in , they drop the predetermined minimum into the "bank," or the "kitty" (the place where the cash is kept), then take a stac k o f chips. Th e bank is often a cigar box o r shoebox. Since this is the video age, I use an empt y plastic video box. At the en d o f the game, the host act s a s ban k teller to exchang e th e chip s fo r nice crisp greenbacks , o r "presidents" in poker parlance . Only inexperienced banker s don't bother to put their own mone y i n th e kitty . The y just take chip s an d play . This i s a sure way to go bankrupt. You come t o believe you hav e a n endles s pil e o f chip s t o pla y with. You'll soon los e trac k o f ho w many , chips you'v e take n and,

WHAT YOU PLAY FO R

19

therefore, ho w muc h mone y you've lost . A t the en d o f the evening, you'll find that you've lost far more than you thought. Buy chips like everyone else. There'll be less of a nee d fo r you t o retriev e your life' s saving s fro m you r mattress to pay off the winners.

C H A P T E R

3

Betting With Your Head (While All About You Are Losing Theirs)

D

id you r gy m teacher eve r spli t your class int o fou r teams b y standing you shoulder to shoulder and tellin g you to count off in fours? One, two, three, four , one, two, three, four, each teenager i n his own inimitably squeaky, multi-octave voice . An d there's alway s on e gu y in lin e who misses his turn. One, two, three . . . then a nanosecond of awkward silence as everyone realize s tha t some knucklehead has forgotte n t o call out a number. Well, poker betting has th e same kin d of cadence, it s own rhythm , withou t th e prepubescen t squeaks . Bu t rather than just counting, the bets ar e performed, like a series o f solos i n a jazz group. Eac h sol o i s individual and origina l t o tha t player , ye t i t follow s o n wha t a previous playe r ha s bet , an d th e entir e sequenc e i s based on an overall melody and rhyth m pattern. If someone break s th e rhythm, it disrupts the entire game. Try readin g thi s five-playe r bettin g sequenc e a s quickly a s yo u ca n bu t don' t worr y i f you don' t under stand what' s going on just yet.

20

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

21

Player A: I check. Player B: I open fo r a dollar. Player C: I call. Player D: I see th e dollar and rais e two dollars. Player E: I cal l you r thre e dollar s an d rais e anothe r three dollars . Player F: I raise another two dollars. A: I call. B: I see th e bet, and rais e another two dollars. C: I call. D: I see th e raise , and rais e another dollar. Imagine thi s sequenc e i n a smok y room , wit h player s tossing thei r chips i n confidently or apprehensively on a table pile d hig h with multicolored chips , eac h be t following quickly on the heels o f the one before . Understanding betting rhythm i s a bi t lik e art appre ciation. You don't need t o understand it, but it makes th e experience tha t muc h mor e rewarding . There i s a fa r more practical reaso n for this imaginary sequence, however: Bettin g ma y hav e rhythm , bu t yo u can' t le t th e rhythm lul l you to sleep. Read th e sequenc e again . I f you've playe d poke r before, you'll notice that the round isn't finished. Assuming n o mor e raises, wha t does the nex t player, Playe r E, owe th e pot ? Ho w about th e subsequen t players ? And who has the final bet? If you sai d Playe r E owes $5 , you're right—Player F's $2 raise , Playe r B' s $ 2 raise , an d Playe r D' s $ 1 raise . Player F now owes only $3, since h e raised $ 2 last time. He owe s Playe r B's $2 and Playe r D's $1. Playe r A, wh o called the last time, owes th e same $3. Player B owes th e $1 that Player D raised. Playe r C owes th e sam e $1 . And Player D owes nothing, since he made the last raise, an d

22

POKER BASIC S

this bettin g roun d i s over . Bu t don't worry . There'll b e another jus t as soo n a s everyon e get s hi s nex t card . (If you are a poker novic e an d are confused a s to what just happened here , relax . All will be explained. ) Had yo u bee n involve d i n what wa s goin g on , yo u may have had less trouble figuring out who owed what, but th e poin t i s tha t bettin g round s i n neighborhoo d poker mov e briskly . The spee d wit h which eac h be t i s made speak s volume s o f what a han d ma y contain . A quick and sure raise tells players that you have a hand to reckon with , bu t player s ca n smel l pani c wit h ever y hesitant call. As we will see, i f you have to think about a bet, it ain't worth betting on t o begin with. To b e honest , I'v e ofte n los t trac k o f th e bettin g sequence after droppin g out o f a hand, even i f I'm trying to follo w it . Betting i s both intuitiv e and scientific—yo u have t o understan d th e consequence s o f how muc h t o bet, when to raise and when to call, and so on, but in the short spac e o f tim e i t take s fo r th e be t t o reac h you . Deciding o n a be t b y rationall y reviewin g everyone' s cards an d previou s bet s take s to o muc h time , s o you often hav e to trust your intuition based on experience t o make th e righ t bet . Th e onl y way to sharpe n thi s intui tion i s to practice. Just b e forewarne d tha t this practic e will cost you a couple of dollars in bad bets . Consider it an investment . Those of you who hav e bee n t o La s Vegas to watc h the WDrl d Series o f Poker or who hav e seen Th e Cincinnati Ki d wit h Steve McQuee n an d Edwar d G. Robinson are saying , "Thos e bettin g rounds didn' t mov e fast . I n Vegas, i t took a n hou r t o pla y one hand . I n The Cincinnati Kid, they took thei r time and considere d thei r bets. What's the rush?" I'll tel l you . I n Th e Cincinnati Kid, Eddi e and Stev e were contemplatin g th e metaphori c consequence s o f

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

23

their moves. I n Las Vegas, they take a half-hour betwee n calls and raise s because each be t i s hundreds o f thousands of dollars, not a quarter to call. Anyone who needs more tha n te n second s t o decid e t o cal l a quarte r shouldn't be sitting at a poker table. He should be finger painting. If you noticed , ther e wer e fou r raise s i n m y sampl e round. I n man y neighborhoo d games , lik e m y own , raises ar e limite d t o jus t thre e i n a singl e roun d o f betting. This rule can be expressed and rigidl y enforced or b e a gentleman' s agreemen t an d loosel y enforced . There ca n als o b e limit s to th e size s o f the raises . All these restriction s kee p everyon e friendl y an d solven t until the next game . These limit s ar e par t o f th e "hous e rules, " eac h neighborhood game's Te n Commandments o f poker tha t governs no t onl y stakes an d bettin g limits bu t als o th e way certai n commo n game s ar e played , ho w winning hands ar e decided , an d othe r rule s an d question s o f etiquette. House rule s ar e lik e Chines e restaurants—ever y menu ha s th e sam e basi c item s liste d i n differen t col umns fro m on e restauran t t o th e next . I n on e house , betting $1 anytime is fine. In another, $1 can onl y be be t when there' s a pai r showing . Bot h game s are $ 1 limit, but they are governe d by different hous e rules. These rule s develop ou t of mutual acceptance by the regular player s ove r tim e as situation s develop and are solved an d permanen t rule s are established shoul d that situation aris e in the future . It would b e nic e if , when yo u entere d a ne w game , someone hande d yo u a mimeographe d shee t wit h a listing of all the frequently played games an d thei r pecu liar variations, all the other house rules, and a map that shows th e location s o f th e refrigerato r an d th e

POKER BASICS

24

bathroom. Bu t I don't know of any game that well organized. Besides , ne w player s would spen d to o littl e time reading an d to o muc h tim e sniffin g th e mimeograp h chemical residue .

HOW TO BET All these rule s and rhythms , however, don' t answe r th e question o f how bettin g is actually done. Firs t an d fore most, bettin g i s don e i n sequenc e aroun d th e tabl e clockwise. Neve r make your bet unti l the player on your right has mad e his bet. Never, ever. Most poke r game s ar e deal t as "stud " games—a series of down, up, and down cards. In a typical seven-card stud game , eac h playe r wil l b e deal t tw o card s fac e down—"hole" cards. On e car d i s then dealt fac e u p t o each player . The playe r with the highes t showin g car d "opens"—has th e first opportunity to bet. Conside r this five-handed seven-card stu d game .

Player A: Player B: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

(10 (7 (2 (J (9

6 J 5 3 9

K 8 A J 9

In thi s example, Playe r C has a n Ace, so he can choos e to open th e betting or "check". Th e bet always passes to the lef t o f the playe r who opens . S o i f Player C checks, the be t passe s t o Playe r D on Playe r C' s lef t (imagin e these player s sittin g i n a circle , no t vertically on to p of each other) , no t t o Playe r A who ha s a King , th e nex t highest card . Playe r D can als o check . I f Player C di d make a bet, Playe r D then must "see" o r "call"—bet th e same amount t o stay in the game . Th e dealer, Player E,

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

25

now owes whatever Playe r C bet, plus whatever Playe r D may have raised . Th e bettin g round continue s unti l n o one owes any money to the pot . In som e games th e betting , a s I mentioned, i s also limited b y the numbe r of raises tha t can b e mad e i n a single round—three in most neighborhoo d games . Continuing th e five-hande d gam e jus t dealt , let' s sa y tha t Player C opens . Player D sees the bet and raises—that's raise numbe r one. The dealer see s th e origina l bet and th e raise , then also raises—that's raise number two . Player A call s al l th e bet s an d raises , the n als o raises—that's raise numbe r three. Since that' s the third raise, n o else can raise . Al l the players can no w only call the preceding bets and raises . The dealer will be the last player to put money in the pot, since Playe r A made th e las t raise. After thi s initia l roun d o f bettin g i s completed , an other singl e roun d o f u p card s i s dealt , followe d b y another roun d o f bettin g led of f by th e playe r with th e highest card s showing . After fou r u p card s ar e deal t t o each player, a round o f down cards is dealt, followed by a final round of betting. After th e fina l roun d o f betting, all th e player s sho w their hol e card s an d cal l thei r hands , an d a winne r is declared. Ofte n th e playe r who mad e th e las t raise wil l show hi s hand first—that's what it means to "call" a bet . The players all "call" for the raise r to reveal his hand. Ofttimes a playe r runs out o f chips i n the middl e of the hand. Instea d o f pulling out his wallet for additional dollars an d interruptin g th e flo w o f the bettin g (o r perhaps he's superstitious about buying chips in the middle of a hand) , h e ca n be t "shy " or "light," which mean th e same thing . To play light , th e playe r continues betting ,

26

POKER BASICS

but instea d of putting chips into the pot, he takes chips out of the pot. In this way he keeps track of what he has bet. H e announces hi s attention to "pull light " by saying "I'm shy " an d pullin g ou t chip s equivalen t t o whateve r he owes the pot. H e places these ligh t chips i n a single pile i n fron t o f him. The gam e i s over . I f Mr. Light win s a po t tha t h e shares wit h anothe r player , h e hand s th e ligh t chip s t o the othe r winner , the n split s u p th e remainin g chip s evenly. I f he loses , h e mus t giv e th e winne r the ligh t chips he' s bee n pilin g i n fron t o f him , plu s a n equa l number of additional chips or the value of the light chip s in dollars . I f two peopl e shar e th e pot , h e hand s on e winner th e light s an d give s th e othe r winne r an equa l number of chips or cash. LOW-STAKES IDIOSYNCRASIES As we mentioned, these betting rounds have limits so no one wins or loses too much. When someone asks "What do yo u play? " i n referenc e t o ou r game , m y mos t frequent respons e sound s somethin g lik e "Quarter/half , three bump max, half only with a pair showing." In Poker English, tha t mean s th e ant e an d minimu m be t i s 2 5 cents, ther e ca n onl y b e thre e raise s i n on e roun d of betting, and you can be t the maximum—in this case, 50 cents—only when there's a pair showing or after the final card i s dealt . One characteristi c of low-stake s poker, especially a game wit h al l thes e bettin g restrictions , i s lo w betting , especially a t the start of a hand. Players , to feel out their competition, wil l ofte n chec k o n th e first round t o se e who wil l ope n th e betting . The theor y i s tha t a playe r who open s mus t hav e decen t cards . Bu t tha t playe r might no t want to "tell"—give a clu e to his hand wit h a

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

27

distinctive gesture o r habit—that he has good cards , so he'll als o check, o r no on e will have a goo d hand , s o everyone checks. By the end of a hand, the winner needs a magnifying glas s and tweezers to collect his winnings. This has precipitate d the custom of "forced openers" in som e low-stake s neighborhoo d games . Force d openers mean s tha t i f you ca n open , yo u must—yo u cannot check . I f you don' t bet , yo u hav e t o fold . Thi s ensures that there is money in the pot. There is no sense playing poke r i f there isn' t goin g to b e an y mone y a t stake. Th e specifi c rule s for force d opener s var y fro m house to house . Forced openers isn' t the most ubiquitous house rule; all player s lik e t o hav e som e choic e i n thei r betting. Many games hav e muc h highe r stakes and allo w mor e latitude in betting and bluffing , s o they have no need for such a rule . Mor e ofte n tha n not , force d opener s ar e used to dress up what may be an inherently slow-betting game, rather than being a continuously enforced house rule. Since w e ar e suppose d t o b e friend s i n a neigh borhood game , a practic e know n as "sandbagging" — checking the n raisin g i n th e sam e bettin g round—i s usually outlawed. Sandbagging starts when Player A has a good hand but doesn't want to "tell" by betting it, so he checks o r calls instea d of betting or raising. Succeeding players, thinking that Player A has only a moderate hand, bet o r rais e instead . B y the tim e th e be t come s bac k around t o the sandbagger , everyon e els e ha s mad e a n investment i n the hand . Onc e everyon e ha s bee n thu s suckered in , he raises . This i s a bluffin g strateg y use d most often i n high-stakes poker to lure players into a pot to the poin t where i t becomes tough to fol d becaus e of the money already committed in the hand. For instance : Yo u are deal t thre e Aces , tw o i n th e

28

POKER BASICS

hole, on e showing . Yo u want t o be t $1 , bu t the n yo u would hav e t o rel y o n someon e els e t o rais e s o you could rais e bac k an d buil d u p th e pot . S o you check, indicating tha t you have a poor hand i n the hole. Some one else opens. When the bet comes back to you in that betting round, you call what has alread y bee n bet , then raise. Sinc e everyon e ha s alread y put money i n the pot, they mus t cal l you r rais e t o protec t thei r investments , thereby doubling the money i n the pot. Sneaky, huh? This same tactic i s used whe n a playe r with a goo d hand calls a bet. Someone els e in the round raises, the n the playe r who calle d earlier , raises. Calling and raising is a mor e gentee l for m o f sandbaggin g an d i s jus t a s sneaky. Sandbagging i s a nea t bu t nast y tacti c i n bot h it s forms, a s fa r a s I' m concerned . I' m no t i n a neigh borhood game to fleece money from my friends with this kind o f deviou s maneuver—I' m ther e t o hav e a goo d time. Whe n someon e sandbag s me , I feel lik e a frien d has playe d a dirty trick on me . Other players, of course, feel tha t sandbaggin g i s par t o f the game . Well , viv a l a difference. Jus t deal m e out. In a new game, i t is worthwhile to double-check this rule—at th e star t of play, no t i n the middl e of a hand — before you inadvertentl y violate it. If you are sandbagge d in the middl e of a hand an d n o on e els e says anything, tough luck . But remember, a sandbagger ca n be hoiste d on his own petard . BRINGING IT ALL BACK HOME

We started a han d an d no w we'll finis h it , using all th e basics we're covered . Here' s th e sam e layou t from th e beginning of this chapter, with the hol e cards i n parentheses:

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

Player A: Player B: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

(10

(7 (2 (J (9

29

6 ) K J ) 8 5 ) A 3 ) J 9 ) 9

Player C has an Ace showing, so he bets 25 cents. Player D calls the 25 cents and raises 25 cents on his pair of Jacks. The dealer call s th e 5 0 cents an d raise s anothe r 25 cents on his three 9s. Player A calls the 7 5 cents. Player B call s th e 7 5 cent s an d raise s anothe r 25 cents on his three cards to a heart flush. The be t come s bac k t o Playe r C , who ha s pai d 25 cents and no w owes 75 cents in raises. Player D, with his pair of Jacks, now owes 50 cents— Player E's and Playe r B's raises. Since there have already been three raises, however, he cannot raise again. All he can do is call and toss his 50 cents into the pot. The three-raise rule can be used as a strategy to stop someone wh o is consistently raising, especially once a pair is showing. I'll deal out another card to each player to show you what I mean: Player A: Player B: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

(10 (7 (2 (J (9

6 ) J ) 5 ) 3 ) 9 )

K 8 A J 9

K 10 A 8 Q

Player C got anothe r Ac e an d Playe r A got anothe r King. Obviously, both these player s will want to be t 5 0 cents. Player C does s o to open.

30

POKER BASICS

Player D has a pai r of Jacks, but ther e are no w two hands showin g tha t bea t him . H e raises , bu t onl y 25 cents, thereb y taking on e o f the raise s an d makin g th e total bet 75 cents. The dealer, who stil l has thre e 9s, calls the 7 5 cents and raises 5 0 cents—the second raise—makin g the total $1.25. Player A , with a pai r o f Kings , call s th e $1.2 5 an d raises 50 cents. But that' s th e thir d raise . Th e tota l i s no w $1.75 , which Player B calls. Player C no w owe s $1.2 5 i n raises . Unde r normal circumstances, h e woul d rais e anothe r 5 0 cents , bu t there have already been thre e raises, s o he can only call the $1.2 5 he owes . Often, afte r a 50-cen t rais e b y a playe r wit h a particularly stron g han d showing , two subsequent players will raise quarters to kill the betting so they can afford t o stay in the game . This i s where th e rhyth m o f betting comes in . Concentrating on th e sequence an d rhyth m of the betting — how muc h i s be t b y eac h playe r an d ho w quickl y o r slowly som e player s make these bets—combine d wit h your knowledge of cards and what a player has showing, should giv e you clues t o the hands your opponents ar e holding an d wha t yo u shoul d bet . A non-participant watching a hand , even i f he know s these nuances , will often ge t lost in a complex betting sequence. H e has n o vested interest . Mone y is what makes poke r interesting and make s playin g fun. Playin g for "fun," however, isn't. I'll play out thi s hand fo r those of who ma y be curious a s t o ho w i t all turne d out . I'l l deal ou t th e subse quent cards an d describ e the action as we go. (Kee p in mind tha t th e wa y I' m bettin g fo r eac h playe r i s no t

31

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

necessarily the way someone els e may bet. I tend to b e conservative, which will come as no great surprise to my poker buddies. ) Player A: Player B: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

00 (7 (2 (J (9

6 J 5 3 9

) ) ) ) )

K 8 A J 9

K 10 A 8 Q

6 2 K 8 J

Player C, with a pair of Aces, is still high, so he opens for 5 0 cents. Player D now ha s a pair of 8s showing, and tw o pair with hi s Jacks . H e doesn't know if Player C has another Ace o r tw o pair tha t would b e highe r tha n his , s o h e calls. The dealer still has three 9s and three to a straight— 9-J-Q—and he raises 50 cents. Player A now ha s tw o pair, King s and 6s , an d take s the second raise for another 50 cents. Player B , with four card s to a straight and three to a heart flush , no w owes $1.50 . He doesn't hav e his han d yet, bu t h e want s t o sta y i n th e game . H e know s tha t someone will take the third 50-cent raise, so he kills the betting with a 25-cent raise. Player C now owes $1.2 5 and calls . Player D also owes $1.2 5 and calls . The dealer, who made a 50-cent raise, owes 75 cents and calls. Player A , wh o als o raised , owe s th e 25-cen t rais e Player B made and calls . Player B mad e th e las t raise , s o h e doesn' t ow e anything. Here's the final up card.

32 Player A: Player B: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

POKER BASICS

00 (7 (2 (J (9

6 J 5 3 9

K 8 A J 9

K 10

A 8. Q

6 2 K 8 J

K 6 A 4 4

Players C and A both hav e thre e o f a kin d showing, but Player C still has Aces, so he still opens for 50 cents. Player D has tw o pair, Jacks over 8s. If either Playe r C or Player A already ha s a ful l house , h e can't win . Plus, the dealer has on e of the two remaining Jacks showing, and Playe r B has on e o f the tw o remainin g 8s, s o th e odds of getting the final Jack or 8 aren't good. In the time it ha s take n m e t o explai n this , though , Playe r D ha s folded. The dealer sees the same full house possibilities, bu t there i s still a fourt h 9 available. Th e odds aren't great , but it's tough to fold three of a kind. He raises 25 cents to kill one o f the raises. Player A stares nervously at Player C's three Aces. But with th e thir d King , Playe r A has hi s ful l house , an d i f Player C wants t o raise , s o b e it . Playe r A calls th e 7 5 cents and raises 50 cents, the second raise . Player B also sees the ful l hous e possibilities. H e no longer has a chance at the flush, but a 9—the same 9 the dealer is looking for—wil l giv e him a straight. His brain tells hi m t o fold , hi s hear t tell s hi m t o stay . Hi s hear t wins, s o he calls the $1.25 he owe s and take s th e final raise fo r 25 cents. ( I know—you wouldn' t hav e stayed . When yo u writ e a book , yo u ca n fol d th e possibl e straight.) Player C has three Aces showing, which is better than Player A's three Kings showing. Bu t Player A raised hi m anyway. Thi s mean s tha t Playe r A either i s bluffin g or , more likely , can bea t three Aces. Playe r C has th e fourt h

BETTING WITH YOUR HEAD

33

King, so the best hand Playe r C can hav e is a full house . He coul d als o b e bluffing , bu t no t man y players rais e into three Aces . Unde r normal circumstances , Playe r A would have the choice of either bluffing an d raising back or being a chicken and calling. But all three raises have been taken , s o Playe r C fakes lik e h e want s t o raise . When he' s tol d tha t al l th e raise s ar e taken , h e act s disappointed an d call s th e $1—th e 25-cen t rais e fro m the dealer , th e 50-cen t rais e fro m Playe r A, an d th e 25cent rais e from Playe r B. It's a bluf f tha t didn't cost hi m any additional money . Now, the final down cards. Player A: Player B: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

(10 (7 (2 fold (9

6 ') K J ) 8 5 ') A 9 ') 9

K A<

6 2 K

K 6 A

(2 ) (8 ) (3 )

Q

J

4

(4 )

10

Player C still opens, bu t he has a problem. He got a 3, which doesn't hel p his hand. If he only checks o r bets 25 cents, everyone wil l know he has jus t three Aces. S o he boldly bets 50 cents, a s if he has bette r than three Aces. The dealer go t another 4 and ha s th e ful l house . He sees Player A's three Kings, but he can't fold a full house . He raises 50 cents. Player A doesn't even nee d t o loo k at his fina l card . He alread y know s h e can' t ge t a fourt h King , th e onl y card tha t coul d improv e his hand . H e calls th e $ 1 and raises anothe r 5 0 cents. A second 8 doesn't hel p Player B, whose heart finally recognizes a losing proposition, and he gently folds. Player C, raised b y two players, sees he's in a no-win situation. H e sadl y fold s hi s thre e Aces , t o Playe r A's delight.

34

POKER BASICS

The deale r know s h e can' t bea t a king-hig h ful l house. H e coul d rais e agai n t o tr y t o mak e Playe r A believe he caught the fourth—or "case"—9, but Player A isn't goin g to fol d jus t because he wil l ow e anothe r 50 cents. The dealer call s and flip s ove r his ful l house , 9 s up. Player A shows his 6 in the hole to complete hi s ful l house and rakes i n the chips.

CHAPTER

4

It's My Deck and 111 Deal What I Want

One of the coolest moves you can make at a poker

game is to snap the seal o n a new deck of cards. I don't mean to take a letter opener o r a key and slice the seal, I mean to slap the top of the deck, seal up, on the back of your han d s o yo u SNAP ! th e seal . No w that you'v e popped th e top of the box, you gently open the fla p an d slide the still slippery cards from their cardboard womb, disdainfully discar d th e Jokers, the advertisements, and the card with the odds of getting each hand printed on it, and star t to shuffle. Snappin g that seal somehow makes ya feel lik e a man. Unless, of course, yo u slap that deck on the back of your hand and nothing happens, except that the back of your hand smarts like hell and turns red. Now you feel stupid. Practic e snappin g th e sea l when you'r e alone , o r use th e edge of a table instead o f the back of your hand. Once you've managed to get the cards out of the box and shuffle d them , start dealing up cards to each player. This is to decide who deals first, which is how all poker

35

36

POKER BASICS

get-togethers ge t started . A s you star t t o casuall y tos s cards in the general directio n of each player, say some thing like "First Ace deals" or "First hook [poke r slang for a Jack] deals." Continu e to deal out cards fac e u p unti l the Ac e o r Jack—o r whateve r car d you'v e arbitraril y chosen—appears. The luck y recipient of the first Ace or Jack gathers in the cards, is handed the rest of the undealt deck, reshuffles, an d deal s th e firs t gam e of the evening . The dea l always moves to the left, continuall y circling the table, a seemingly never-endin g process o f shufflin g an d deal ing, shuffling an d dealing . . . . . . which can get awfully tiresome after a while. The worst thing about poker is that lull between games as the dealer shuffle s th e deck . (Especiall y no w that science has determine d a dec k i s no t full y rando m unti l i t ha s been shuffle d seven times. ) Everyon e sits an d stare s with a cigarett e hangin g carelessly ou t o f hi s mouth , sweat pouring down his brow . The camera zooms i n for a close-u p o f eac h playe r breathlessly waiting fo r th e next deal . Th e chea p honky-ton k pian o on th e soundtrack i s stuc k o n a relentles s three-note theme . Th e camera zoom s i n on the dealer's hand s an d the shuffle , then cuts t o an overhea d sho t fro m abov e th e cente r of the table, a poker still life. Isn't the director doing a great job of building tension? Sure is . Grea t film noir. Lousy poker. Players like t o play cards, not watch someone shuffle . For this reason, well-organized games use two decks of cards , on e re d an d on e blue . Whil e on e playe r i s dealing, eithe r th e previou s deale r o r th e nex t deale r shuffles th e just-used deck. This is known as "cleaning" a deck . Th e "cleaned " o r "washed " dec k ca n imme diately be cut , then dealt by the ne w dealer as soo n a s the luck y winner clears awa y the chip s fro m th e gam e

I'LL DEA L WHAT I WANT

37

just ended. Cleaning or washing may not sound lik e fun , but it's better tha n phony film noir. The other thing that slows down a game is waiting for the dealer to figure out what game he wants to deal. He'll think for ten seconds, trying to come up with some game that hasn' t bee n playe d yet , fai l t o com e u p wit h one , and deal his old standby. Many players lik e t o dea l game s i n which the y believe they have an advantage. But my friend Denni s loves to deal Buy Your Card/Substitution , a gam e that's fun to play but puts the dealer at a distinct d/sadvantage. Then, after h e deal s ou t th e firs t se t o f cards o f the game , h e drops. Afte r one suc h fold , I tactlessly asked hi m why he dealt the gam e if he knew it wasn't to his advantage. He gave me a nasty look and tersel y replied, "Because I like the game , Okay?!" So much for research . Dealer's choic e als o allow s fo r som e ofte n un welcome innovation . Les s sophisticate d players , bore d players, or just plain silly players like to make up games, the weirde r th e better . Lik e Commande r Data' s SevenCard Stud, One-Eyed Jacks and Lo w Hole Card Wild afte r the Firs t U p Queen—o r lik e th e tim e someon e a t m y game trie d t o convince u s t o play No Peek, Seven-Card High/Low. Betting high/low depends heavily on knowing what you r opponent s ar e bettin g on , mor e s o tha n i n other game s (al l o f which i s explaine d mor e full y i n a later chapter). No Peek is a game in which you can't see what you r opponent s have , o r wha t yo u hav e fo r that matter, so it' s impossible t o formulate a betting strategy. But, h e insiste d w e "giv e i t a try. " Instea d o f bein g adamant, thos e o f u s wh o kne w wha t woul d happe n sighed, allowe d hi m t o dea l th e game , the n droppe d before the first betting round. This was a far more effec tive protes t fo r discouragin g this poker innovato r than simply refusing to play the new game.

38

POKER BASICS

This i s no t t o sugges t tha t all poke r innovator s are addled. Mos t of the games that compose the second half of thi s boo k spran g fro m th e fertil e mind s o f hallucinogenic dealers . An d it takes a coupl e o f hands t o nai l down th e fine r point s of the ne w game . Bu t when your favorite revolutionar y furrows hi s bro w an d sputter s "Why don' t we try this?"—beware. This is a hint that the variation abou t t o come ou t o f his mout h was no t preceded b y much brain activity, an d wha t will follo w wil l most likel y be extremel y silly. GOD WITH A DECK OF CARDS The dealer is the supreme arbiter of the game he deals. If the game is complex, the dealer should explain any and all special rules for that game. I f he doesn't, th e players should ask . I f the deale r call s "Baseball, " he need s t o explain when you show your 4s and ge t an extr a card, if you have to pa y for extra cards, i f you get the extr a card down i f the 4 was down , an d s o on . Bu t dealers ofte n don't think o f everything. When a rulin g i s to be made , the deale r make s it . They're his card s an d it' s his dea l and it' s his game , so shu t up. If you don't lik e it, fold . The dealer also must know how many players are at the tabl e befor e callin g a particula r game. A s I hav e pointed out , if you hav e seve n player s at the table , you can't pla y five-car d dra w withou t special rules . Th e dealer shoul d kno w th e maximu m number o f cards needed fo r the gam e h e chooses. It's more tha n embarrassing to run out of cards on the last round. Most games require at leas t seven or eight cards pe r player, so you'll need to be carefu l about th e games you call i f you have more than seven player s at the table. If yo u d o ru n ou t o f card s whe n you'r e dealing, collect th e discards , shuffl e them , and us e the m as th e

I'LL DEAL WHA T I WANT

39

new deck. Yes, a player could en d up with cards tha t he earlier discarded, bu t using the discards an d continuing the gam e i s better tha n havin g to deal th e whole gam e over again . It i s the dealer' s responsibilit y to ge t a playe r to cu t the cards, eithe r the player to his left—th e first player to receive a card—or , mor e prevalent , th e playe r t o hi s right, dependin g o n hous e custom . Th e axio m I ofte n hear is "cut right , deal left, " bu t this isn't universal. I've also heard of one house rule specifying that if one player doesn't want to cut, the deck i s to be offered t o the next player and the n the nex t until th e deale r finds a willing cutter. I thin k thi s i s carryin g cuttin g t o it s illogica l conclusion. The cut, no matter who does it, is supposed t o assure everyone tha t the dealer hasn't shuffled th e cards into an arrangement favorabl e to him. The dealer shoul d watc h as the cards are cut so he knows which hal f of the dec k goes o n to p an d whic h hal f become s th e bottom . Too often a deale r wil l becom e absent-minded : He'l l pas s the card s for cutting, gab with anothe r playe r while the cut i s made, the n place the hal f jus t cut back o n to p of the deck . To avoid this Marx Brothers maneuver, instruct all prospectiv e cutter s t o cu t awa y fro m you , s o yo u know whic h hal f goe s o n to p an d whic h hal f i s th e bottom. Or pay attention . What one dealer has begun to deal, let no player tear asunder. A player ma y discover h e ha s on e mor e car d than he' s suppose d t o and anothe r playe r has on e les s card. Or, a card that was supposed to be dealt down may accidentally b e deal t up . I n either case the player s ca n call for a misdeal, but i n a friendly gam e the dealer i s in charge of fixing the problem. Other players can voice a n opinion, an d ca n eve n attemp t a poker coup d'etat , bu t it's th e dealer' s call . Mos t misdeals i n a friendl y gam e

40

POKER BASICS

can b e correcte d withou t re-dealing . It' s a pai n i n th e neck to collect the cards already dealt, reshuffle, an d redeal. A card accidentally deal t up that should hav e been dealt dow n i s easy t o fix in a stu d game—simpl y give that player a down car d o n the next round while everyone els e get s an up card. I f you've missed givin g a card to on e player , pass on e car d bac k fro m eac h previou s player. In a draw game, in which everyone gets down cards , a player accidentally dealt an up card i s offered a choice before h e look s a t hi s othe r card s an d befor e the nex t player i s dealt hi s nex t card. He can kee p the exposed card o r hav e i t placed bac k i n the dec k an d receiv e a new card from th e top of the deck . In som e neighborhoo d games , misdeal s ar e deal t with severel y an d requir e a reshuffl e o n th e slightest error. The offending deale r may be ordered to "match the pot"—his punishment for screwing up is to re-ante whatever the amount of money happens t o be in the pot at the time. I n les s stric t games , th e threa t o f "matching th e pot" i s mad e a s a joke, unles s th e offens e become s chronic. Since th e deale r i s th e rule r o f all h e surveys , n o other player should touch cards, discarded o r otherwise, during someon e else' s deal . On e playe r I know always growls "Don' t touch th e cards " t o over-anxious players. I've bee n slappe d o n th e wrist—literally—reachin g fo r cards durin g his deal. Handlin g the cards i s the dealer's job, one that he takes seriously. THE ART OF THE PEAL Dealing isn't a job, it's an ar t form . Man y players spen d years developing distinctive dealing styles.

I'LL DEAL WHAT 1 WANT

41

For instance : Di d you realiz e th e wa y you dea l u p cards is different fro m the way you deal down cards? Get a dec k o f card s an d chec k i t out . Th e norma l way of dealing down cards is to cradle th e deck i n the palm of your weak hand—th e left , i f you're right-handed—wit h your thumb resting on top. With the thumb, slide the top card off the top o f the dec k unti l it overhangs th e res t of the deck . The n gra b th e car d betwee n th e thum b and index finge r o f your opposite han d and , wit h a flic k of the wrist, whisk it toward the intende d recipient. But you kne w that. There are, however, other, much more stylis h method s o f dealing dow n card s tha t yo u can adap t t o distinguis h yourself a t a table . Wh y dive head first off a ten-mete r boar d whe n yo u can b e Greg Louganis and thro w in a couple o f twists, a tuck, and a pike? Fo r instance , there' s th e Harp o Mar x styl e fro m Animal Crackers: He grips the deck i n his lef t hand, wets the thumb on his right hand for better traction, then flip s each car d t o the players—wit h hi s lef t hand . It' s a nift y trick (and pretty funny to watch), so you may want to rent the video and stud y the style . You'll especially enjoy th e way Harp o hold s eac h car d u p t o allo w hi s partner , Chico, to choos e whethe r he want s tha t car d or not , while the other two players remain completely oblivious. This i s al l part of the scen e that the titl e of this chapter originates from . ( 1 can hea r al l yo u Mar x Brother s mavens now—"They're no t playing poker in that scene; they're playing bridge!" Try getting out of the house onc e in a while.) There are less eccentric styles, however, like the onehanded deal. The dealer places the entire deck down flat on the table. With one hand, he picks up the top card off the deck, the n flings. There is no practical advantage to this style , except to ensure tha t the deale r isn' t dealin g

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off th e botto m o f the deck o r unless th e dealer i s using his other han d to hold onto his cigar or cigarette. There ar e fa r mor e divers e style s fo r dealin g u p cards. Cradling the deck in the palm of your weak hand, you can : turn the card u p and hing e it at the far end o f the deck so only you can see it, take a look at it, then announc e it as you fling it across the table to its new owner; grasp th e card betwee n thum b and inde x finger so it slides ou t an d become s expose d t o everyon e a t th e table excep t yourself; place your index finger in the middle of the card, place your thumb at one en d an d your middle finger at the other, curl up the opposite ends , then sharply snap the card of f your middle finger , exposing i t t o al l befor e placing i t gentl y in fron t o f th e playe r for whom i t i s intended. One way of ensuring a clean deal is to use a "shoe," a plastic containe r int o which cards ar e place d an d slid out. Shoe s ar e ofte n use d i n casino s b y dealer s wh o aren't playin g in the game. Usin g a shoe isn't a dealing style, per se, but having one does mark you as part of the poker pretentious : I t isn't quit e a s tack y as havin g an automatic shuffle r an d isn' t quite as class y a s havin g a real octagonal poker table with chip wells, built-in coasters, and a green felt table cover. But no matter what dealing style you ultimately settle on, remembe r your aerodynamics. Mak e sure the card s fly paralle l and no more than a couple of inches fro m the tabletop. Thi s will ensur e that , o n a lon g flight, a car d will have less chance o f accidentally flipping over.

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43

CALLING ALL CARDS All this fancy dealin g can certainl y be don e silentl y and quickly. A dealer's job , though, isn' t only to place cards in fron t o f people, n o matte r how stylish that placemen t may be. The dealer's job is also to proclaim t o everyon e at the table what cards each player has exposed in fron t of him. Dealing may be a matter of style, but announcing cards takes a certain amount of improvisional talent and tends t o liven up the proceedings whe n don e creatively. On th e first up card , callin g hands ca n b e a simple matter of blandly announcing denomination s an d suits . "Ace o f spaces . A 3 o f diamonds . A 4 o f spades . A King of diamonds. A Jack of clubs. A Queen o f spades." The onl y problem with this recitation i s that i t lacks style. Addin g som e flourish , thi s pedanti c renditio n is transformed int o poker poetry : "The bi g bullet . A diamond trey . Quatr o l a spadula . The ma n wit h th e ax . A puppy-toed Johnny. The Bitch." Now, add som e personality. "The big bullet to a little son of a gun. A diamond trey to the ma n i n the stripe d tie . A quarto l a spadula t o the big Kahuna . Th e ma n wit h th e a x t o Mr . Polyester. A puppy-toed Johnny to the man with a dogged determination. The Bitch to the bastard. " If yo u chec k ou t th e glossar y (pp . 325) , you'l l find dozens of nicknames that you can liberall y toss with the cards. Or make up your own. Many dealers identif y player s by what up cards eac h player has an d ad d th e phrase "t o the" when additional cards ar e dealt . O n a n Ac e dealt t o a deuce , a deale r might say "an Ace to the deuce," th e "deuce" identifyin g its owner. My friend Doug has shortened and bastardized

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"to the" into the suffi x "idy. " That Ace dealt to the deuce becomes 'Ace-id y deuce." A 4 dealt t o a Jack become s "Jack-idy 4. " It' s silly , I admit, bu t w e sur e kno w whe n Doug is dealing, which is the whole point of developing a dealing style . Aside fro m announcin g cards , th e deale r ca n als o announce possibilities o f showing hands. If a player has an Ace of spades and a 5 of spades showing and you've dealt hi m a 1 0 of spades, the n you' d sa y " a 1 0 to th e flush man." Or don't even say what the card is , just what the possibilitie s o f the han d are . T o the playe r dealt th e 10 o f spades, sa y "possibl e flush. " I f a playe r has onl y disjointed card s showing , it' s okay to sa y " a 1 0 to God knows what. " Tak e of f o n flight s o f fanc y b y naming hands that a player could have , bu t probably doesn't — "A deuce t o th e ma n wit h tw o pair, " fo r instance, t o a player wh o ha s nothin g showing . Blo w thei r minds , especially when your guess end s u p being right. Nothing induces Seagram's and Seve n snickers faster than som e snapp y deale r patter . I know on e gu y wh o ranted lik e an auctioneer with every turn of the card an d had u s laughin g so har d that no one coul d concentrat e on the hand. Not surprisingly, he won. Don't forge t t o includ e yoursel f when announcin g hands. It' s your shot at being self-deprecating about your crummy cards—"and a n 8 of hearts to the deale r who's about to lose this month's rent." The last down card in a stud game is the final frontier of dealing style. It's the dealer's chance t o come u p with a personal signature , like when sportcasters cal l a home run—there's "Kis s tha t baby goodbye! " o r "Se e y a later , alligator!" or "That ball is outta here!" In baseball, the cliched home r call is "Going, going, gone." I n poker , th e clich e o n dealin g th e las t car d i s

I'LL DEA L WHAT I WANT

45

either "Dow n and dirty " or, even worse , "Rea d 'e m an d weep." C'mon, we can d o bette r tha n that . There i s the variation o n a theme : "Dow n and filthy" or "Down and slimy." Or a warning: "Don't cry on it, we have to use 'e m in the next game." Or philosophical: "Her e it is. Time to face u p to life. " O r come up with one o f your own. The fina l deale r responsibilit y i s clearin g th e dis cards. This is usually a simpl e affair—either collec t the cards when the y ar e discarde d an d plac e the m a t th e bottom o f the dec k a s th e gam e i s played, o r hav e th e players throw all cards into the middl e of the table with the pot . Neve r dea l ou t card s t o a playe r who ha s hi s discards b y his chips; there i s too much o f a risk of that player's ne w cards "accidentally " being mixe d u p with his old ones. Remember that your responsibilities as a dealer don't end i f you drop out of a hand. Man y a dealer has ha d t o be reminded tha t he is still dealing, eve n though he has folded. There'l l be a replay of that Michael Jordan mov e later. First, finish dealing the hand . After fou r o r five or si x hours o f poker, someone will eventually sugges t tha t X number o f game s b e played , and the n it' s time to say good night. This is done so the big losers can bet big to try and make up for their losses or s o th e bi g winner s ca n ge t conservativ e t o protec t their winnings. A final dealer i s arbitraril y chosen, usu ally the guy who made th e suggestio n to begin with. This final dealer ha s a heavy responsibility—t o deal a gam e tha t wil l b e memorabl e enoug h t o end an eve ning. H e wil l b e prevaile d upo n t o dea l a "mone y game"—a game that builds a large pot. To help this final pot along, the dealer will call fo r twice the ante, or even twice th e stakes . Som e house s hav e a traditional final hand. Bu t every deale r shoul d hav e a fina l gam e pre-

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pared, somethin g that will end th e evening on a n exciting note an d a large pot. Which, of course, prompt s th e chronic gambler s t o play one final, final game—to se e who pays for the cab rid e home, o r to make u p for—or , more likely , add to—tha t evening's losses. I guess thi s is what's know n as the "big deal."

CHAPTER

5

Talking Cards

¥oure playin g a wild-car d game . A t th e en d o f th e

game, one player claims to have a ful l house , Jacks over 3s. When he turns his cards over, someone notices that he actuall y has fou r Jacks , usin g a wil d card . Another player has fou r 8s. The player who thought he had a ful l house no w declare s tha t h e ha s fou r o f a kind . I n th e meantime, th e fello w wit h the fou r 8s , thinkin g h e ha s won the hand , ha s alread y started t o collect an d neatly stack his winnings. Now what do you do? If hous e rule s don' t cove r th e dispute , th e deale r makes th e toug h decision . Th e theor y i s tha t a deale r knows the idiosyncrasie s o f the gam e h e i s dealing and is therefore best abl e t o arbitrate. That's the theory, anyway. Th e dealer know s that someone will hate hi m afte r he rules, though, so it helps to have some guidelines you can follo w t o arbitrat e a han d an d decid e a winne r before you make a lifelon g enemy. The firs t guidelin e is t o literall y defin e th e ter m "call." This is a demand o n the part of a player who ha s matched th e rais e o f an opponen t t o se e th e han d th e raiser is holding. In the ol d days , a call was followe d by

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48

the slammin g of a six-shoote r ont o th e saloo n tableto p to make sure there wouldn't be no cheatin'. "Call " hasn't lost it s meanin g becaus e poke r ha s move d ou t o f Wild West saloon s an d int o panele d basements . I f Player A calls Playe r B , Playe r B shows hi s card s firs t an d de clares what he has. The n Playe r A has the opportunity to show hi s cards and try to beat hi s opponent . Beware of players who tak e too lon g to decide what their hands are. I n wild-card games, ther e i s always the tendency o f players t o become confused. There are two house rules to govern who and what wins in the case of a playe r who, ou t o f this confusion, calls on e han d bu t actually has somethin g better . Rul e one i s that the han d is whateve r th e playe r declare s i t is , a s lon g a s th e declared han d isn' t highe r than what th e han d actuall y is. Fo r instance, a playe r can't sa y "I have a ful l house " when al l h e ha s i s a straight . To illustrate the possibl e confusion, examin e thi s hand of deuces-wild seven-car d stud an d tel l me what this player is holding: (7

8 )8

2

J

2

(J )

At firs t glance , th e Jack s an d deuce s o n th e fina l fou r cards jum p out . Th e tw o deuces—wil d cards—com bined wit h the tw o Jacks giv e this player fou r Jacks . S o this player declares that he has fou r Jacks. If yo u loo k closely , however , thi s hand i s actuall y a straight flush : 7-8-2-2- J o f spades. It' s not a t al l unusual for a playe r to declare on e hand , the n discove r to o lat e that he ha s a better hand tha t he didn't see at first. This happens quite a bit when a player is planning one hand all alon g an d th e las t car d change s everything . In this case, the playe r had fou r 8 s until the final Jack. H e was thinking "four o f a kind." So when h e got a second Jack, the first thing he though t of was a bette r fou r o f a kind ,

TALKING CARDS

49

not a straigh t flush. If another playe r had fou r Aces , th e four Jack s woul d lose , n o matte r wha t th e firs t playe r decided upon further reflection . Most houses g o with what a playe r declares tha t h e has, again , a s lon g a s th e declare d han d i s no t bette r than th e actua l hand . I f a secon d playe r reveal s fou r Aces afte r ou r bo y declares he ha s fou r Jacks , th e Ace s win. I f th e firs t playe r discovere d th e straigh t flus h bu t said "roya l flush, " th e deale r woul d hav e t o mak e a ruling. When hous e rules dictat e tha t a playe r has what h e declares, i t i s ba d for m fo r a secon d playe r t o "help " another playe r determin e hi s hand. Once a han d i s declared, i t remain s immutable . Th e othe r player s onl y make sur e h e isn' t declarin g a better han d tha n h e has . The converse hous e rule governing this "What have I got?" confusio n i s t o le t th e card s "talk"—tha t is , th e hand is dictated by what the cards are, not what a player declares the hand t o be. Under this rule, a player can lay his card s ou t an d tak e hi s time , sa y tha t h e ha s on e hand, chang e hi s mind , ask fo r help fro m th e deale r o r other players, then finally decide what he really has. This is not poker a s usual , however, sinc e i t is expected that any playe r wit h th e temerit y t o si t i n o n a gam e wit h money o n th e table shoul d kno w wha t he' s doing . To avoid confusion , hous e rule s o n whethe r o r no t card s talk shoul d b e determine d befor e a single card i s dealt.

CHAPTER

6

Beer in the Fridge, Coat on the Bed, Ass at the Table

I host ou r fortnightl y game , although some peopl e ar e

amazed a t this once they see m y apartment. I have a tiny two-room Ne w York City closet with barely enough roo m to walk around without bumping into something, yet we have si x t o nin e peopl e sittin g aroun d a lon g foldin g bridge table every two weeks. Ho w d o I do it ? We move the sleeper sof a from th e middle of the room to one en d of the room. Fro m beneath m y bed, I produce th e foldin g bridge table and five folding chairs. The fel t tablecloth is folded insid e the folde d bridg e table. The "coffee table " is actually a bench that accommodates tw o players. Add my director's chai r fo r eight seats. The stack s o f chips, coasters, and deck s o f cards are store d underneat h th e stereo cabinet . Sinc e I am unmarried , my refrigerator i s always empty, so there' s plenty of room for beer. If you'r e goin g t o hav e a regula r game , choos e a permanent location . W e used t o rotat e ou r gam e fro m place to place, but that meant I had to schlepp th e chips.

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BEER IN THE FRIDGE

51

Plus, th e ne w host ha d t o remember t o buy new cards , and poker player s aren't the most responsibl e peopl e on earth. An d the n i t took to o lon g t o ge t use d t o a ne w environment every two weeks. I t may not seem lik e a big issue, bu t knowin g where th e bathroo m i s without asking i s a rea l comfort . If you are the luck y one chose n to be the host of the permanent poke r site , here' s a checklis t o f what you'l l need. Room: A larg e room . Okay , thi s sound s obvious , bu t you'd b e surprise d a t th e cubicle s I'v e playe d in . Th e room has t o be big enough for a table and a t least seve n chairs bu t als o hav e enoug h roo m fo r players to mov e around the table to get out of the room. In the course o f a long night , ther e ar e goin g t o b e a lo t o f trip s t o th e aforementioned bathroo m an d t o the kitchen, and players lik e t o jus t stan d an d stretch . Also, the roo m ha s t o be well lit and mus t have a window that can open a t the top, even i f it's fifteen degrees outside. The cigarette and cigar smoke ha s t o go someplace . TV: Especiall y when there' s a majo r sportin g event on . Players who drop out of a hand aren't too interested in its outcome—or they don't want to be if they've already lost. Some players want to see the last card dealt, just to see if they coul d hav e wo n th e han d wit h th e card s the y folded. Mos t players , me included , don't want to know , so we need t o be distracted. Music: If there's nothing on the tube, we like to have music on . Music , of course, is a group decision. Elvis — Presley, no t Costello—i s a bi g favorit e a t m y place, bu t I'm getting pretty sick of him afte r thre e years. If you play

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music, pu t together a tape or flip on the radio. You don't want to be up and dow n all night changing the music. Table: Round . I dream o f a REA L poker table, with chip wells an d built-i n coaster s an d a velvety-smoot h gree n felt top, like the pros use . I played on one, once. It was i n the home o f a wealthy person who had plent y of room. It was a convertible . I t had a removabl e to p tha t looke d like a dining-roo m table with th e to p on . I f I only had a dining room. Most o f u s settl e fo r a kitche n table—formic a top , chipped a t th e edges , o r a wooden-toppe d tabl e tha t looks antiqued but is just badly gouged. Use a tablecloth so you have a smooth, cushione d service . Chip s bounc e uncontrollably when tossed on a bare formica , metal, or wood top . I us e a long , rectangular table becaus e we play in a long, rectangular room. I f I had a round room, we'd hav e a round table . Chairs: Ge t metal foldin g chairs—goo d ones . Wooden chairs, an d especiall y can e chairs , wil l b e destroye d quickly, n o matte r ho w sturd y you thin k the y are. Onl y metal chair s ca n pu t u p wit h fiv e hour s wort h o f 200 pounds o f continually shifting, excitabl e poker player. Cards: As mentioned, well-organized games use two new decks , eac h a differen t color . Whil e on e han d i s being dealt , th e othe r dec k i s bein g "cleaned, " o r "washed"—poker slan g fo r reshuffled—by th e playe r who dealt the previous hand. Before an ex-dealer starts to wash, h e must cut the new deck. The dealer who fail s to allo w th e dec k t o b e cu t shoul d b e reprimande d harshly. Use goo d cards , plasti c coated . Chea p cards creas e

BEER IN THE FRIDG E

53

easily, and in a long game, one card with a folded corner can rui n a deck—everyon e know s wha t tha t car d is . Hoyle make s Jumb o Inde x cards , wit h larg e numbers that are easily read across a dimly lit, smoke-filled room. And kee p th e boxe s handy . I hol d o n t o ol d decks , mainly to have extra decks around in case 1 forget to buy new ones. Chips: Hav e a t leas t thre e color s o f chips , on e colo r each fo r the minimum and maximu m bet and on e colo r for doubl e th e maximum . In a quarter/hal f game , fo r instance, hav e 25-cen t chips , 50-cen t chip s an d $ 1 chips. In case you're interested, the best chip s are clay, not the chea p plastic things you pick up a t K mart. If you've never used cla y chips, you owe yourself the experience. As they say in the commercials, it' s the next best thing to being there . Chec k your yellow pages fo r a loca l gambling suppl y house . Yo u can ge t premiu m cla y chip s with you r initial s o n the m i n a variet y o f color s an d denominations or , i f you're o n a budget , you ca n ge t canceled casino chips . One good outle t that sells any and al l poker supplies by mail order i s the Gambler s General Store, 800 South Main Street, Las Vegas, Nevada, 89101. If you liv e outside Nevada, yo u ca n cal l th e toll-fre e number : 1-800-322 CHIP. Thei r catalo g feature s a wid e rang e o f supplie s from expensive felt-to p tables to deluxe sets of chips and leather chi p cases t o ne w or cancele d deck s o f casin o cards. If you're i n Vegas, The Gamblers General Store i s midway betwee n Th e Stri p an d Downtow n (fro m th e Strip, bear lef t a t th e for k of f Las Vegas Boulevard—The Strip—at Bo b Stupak' s Vegas World , ont o Sout h Mai n Street; the stor e i s the big glass-enclosed plac e about a mile and a half down on the left , numbe r 605).

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Some neighborhoo d game s us e a basket o r a hat in the middl e o f the tabl e t o hol d th e pots . Some player s think thi s sanitize s th e gam e to o muc h sinc e al l th e chips are collected nice and neat—maybe too neat for a poker game , whic h i s naturall y a slopp y affair . Othe r players lik e to bounce chips off the table and into the hat or basket , o r pla y tiddly-winks . Som e player s hav e to o much tim e on their hands. Food: Munchie s are de rigueur—some version of potato or cor n o r tortill a chips , pretzels , popcorn , nuts . Th e sophistication of your game will determine the vessels i n which said munchies are tendered. At our game, we like 'em right out o f the bag . But poker players do no t live by munchies alone. By around 9:30 , 10:00 , winners and loser s alike get hungry. Cold cut s an d pizz a ar e th e mos t popula r food s sinc e both ca n si t aroun d fo r a whil e and remai n relativel y edible; poke r player s develo p a taste fo r cold pizz a and warm beer, a sensibility left ove r from college . Don't orde r Chines e food—it' s mess y an d you'l l never get back to the game since everyone will be in the bathroom. Food is supplied, or at least organized, by the house . Players reimburs e th e hous e durin g th e game . Some times each player contributes a set amount. Other times, the hous e take s a cu t fro m eac h pot . Everybod y bring s beer. Dinnerware: To make thing s easier on yoursel f after a game, us e pape r plate s an d plasti c silverware . Also, stock up on plastic bag s for garbage—one for the pape r goods and on e fo r all the bee r can s an d bottles . Poker games make separating tras h for recycling easy since the only trash generated i s bottles and cans.

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55

Ashtrays: Otherwis e you r carpe t wil l b e spotte d wit h cigarette an d ciga r burn s an d resembl e Beirut , a s op posed to the shag ru g you had a couple o f months ago . Day: O n an y give n weeknight, I know where t o fin d a poker game . I don't kno w an y grou p tha t convene s o n the weekend—there's too much other stuf f tha t needs t o be done , lik e seriou s partying . W e play o n Thursda y nights, and here' s why. Monday i s too clos e t o th e weekend—you'v e go t to have a t leas t on e nigh t t o recover . Besides , durin g th e winter you can recover while vegging out during Monday Night Football. Tuesday i s too early . Once you'v e playe d o n a Tues day night, there's nothin g to loo k forwar d t o for the res t of the week . Wednesdays ar e the hump of the week; you still have two more days on the down side to the weekend. This is also a popula r nigh t fo r doctor's appointments , famil y dinners, and th e regula r session at your analyst t o hel p deal wit h tha t compulsiv e gamblin g habi t you'v e de veloped. Thursdays ar e good because the nex t day is payday. Anything you lose that night can be made up for the next day. Or , i f you're brok e righ t befor e payday , you kno w what your limi t on possible losses will be. Plus , a lo t of people tak e Frida y off, so the y ca n pla y lat e o n som e Thursday nights. If you do have to work on Friday, you've got all day to recover fo r the weekend . Friday is date night. I kno w a grou p that plays o n Frida y night. All of th e players ar e married . Onl y married peopl e play poker o n Friday nights . Tha t bring s u p a sle w o f sociologica l questions we won' t ge t int o here . The onl y thing I will say i s tha t fo r bachelors, se x i s th e onl y thing that's a

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reasonable excuse for missing a poker game—and she' d better b e unbelievable . I f you're married , ther e ar e n o excuses. Time: Schedul e your game at the same time and day on a regula r basis. Once th e players know when th e game is, there is no need t o call six to ten people to get a game organized. The players merely double-check wit h you on the status o f the regularl y scheduled game . Allow at least three or four hours for a game. Poker is a ful l evening' s entertainment, not a diversion for a cou ple of hours. Longer games allow players who lose a lot early to make a comeback late r in the evening, even i f it means sitting out for while. Miscellaneous: Kee p a portable vacuum cleaner an d a roll o f paper towel s handy ; ashtrays hav e a way of toppling off the table and ont o th e floor, and drink s have a way to toppling over onto the tabletop and cards . One final word on hosting. It is a thankless task and, if you're no t careful , you'l l be lef t t o d o al l the cleanu p yourself. Poke r player s ar e lik e pets—the y hav e t o b e house-trained. Afte r the game ends, bar the door. No one leaves unti l at least the immediate poker area i s policed, all ashtray s emptied , an d al l can s an d bottle s place d into thei r respectiv e recyclin g bags . Unloc k th e doo r when you have bag s of garbage read y to be carried out , one fo r each player . Your friend s wil l bitc h an d moan , especially th e losers . I f they bitch and moa n to o much, tell them the game's at their house nex t week.

CHAPTER

7

Vinnie, Speed, Roy, Murray, Felix and Oscar

R

ecognize thes e names ? Th e fina l tw o give it away— they're th e guy s i n th e fil m Th e Od d Couple. There' s Vinnie, the owlish, henpecked gu y who likes to keep hi s chips neat ; Speed , th e cigar-chompin g cynic ; Roy , the accountant, who never seems to be having a good time ; Murray, the lovabl e cop who usually doesn't have a clue about what's going on; Felix, the orderly neo-yuppie, the last guy you'd expect to get mixed up i n a crew lik e this; and Oscar , th e hos t and Mr . Sloppy—a man' s man , an d the lon e bachelo r o f the bunc h unti l Feli x moves in . Somehow, Th e Od d Couple wouldn' t b e Th e Od d Couple withou t these guys. I n the sam e way, your poker game wouldn't be your poker game without the guys you play with. In literary terms, the guy s i n Th e Odd Couple are archetypes . The y are universa l figures . Ever y gam e has a grou p of guys just lik e Vinnie, Speed, Roy , Murray, Felix, and Oscar . The y just have differen t name s an d th e apartment the y play in is a littl e neater . True, th e subtl e pla y variations tha t ar e uniqu e t o a

57

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neighborhood game , th e backgroun d nois e yo u prefe r (the TV , the radio , th e typ e o f music), th e kin d o f foo d and ho w it's served (pape r plate s and pape r towel s at a bachelor's house , carefull y stacke d "extra " chin a an d real napkin s i n a husband' s home) , th e leve l o f con versation (som e games ar e studious, others boisterous) , and th e leve l o f kiddin g aroun d durin g hand s (th e amount o f which lessen s i n direc t proportio n t o ho w large, the po t gets ) ar e al l par t o f a particula r house' s ambience. It i s th e players , however , tha t mak e eac h neigh borhood poke r gam e a reassuring experience. It' s comforting to meet the same guys from gam e to game. Poker players belon g t o a fraternit y an d eac h neighborhoo d game i s a loca l chapter . Lik e members o f baseball tea m or a jazz band, poker players are all distinct individuals yet they form a cohesive unit . This poker group dynamic is wha t set s eac h neighborhoo d gam e apar t fro m an other. Players i n a regula r game dro p int o a comfortabl e familiarity wit h eac h other ; they'v e learne d an d under stand each other' s playin g styles an d poke r tendencies . Each player becomes somewhat predictabl e in his play; he ca n b e calle d upo n t o exhibi t certai n behaviora l patterns at certain times. One player always likes to raise at a certain point in a game; another player gets seriou s when h e bluff s bu t i s gregariou s th e res t o f th e time ; another will take time to consider his bet when he has a good hand , hoping to break the game's rhythm and your composure. This predictabilty becomes more and mor e subconscious the longe r you play with th e same group. What you kno w about you r fellow player s becomes part of your intuitive decision-making process when you need t o call, raise, or fold. I f the player sitting next to you likes t o rais e fo r the sak e o f raising, yo u ma y b e mor e

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inclined t o sta y i n a gam e afte r h e raises . O n the othe r hand, you may be inclined t o drop with the same hand if a playe r who neve r raises , raises. It's all in knowing the players a t th e table . An d when everyon e ha s learne d everyone else' s behavior , th e gam e become s a warm , comfortable, an d friendl y place—whic h i s why we join these games t o begin with. It always takes m e at least thre e or four session s at a new game to get used to the players' styles . And I always will lose , ofte n heavily , until I get use d t o th e players , because much o f my own game i s based on personalit y and knowin g what anothe r playe r i s likel y t o do . The n there ar e thos e guy s who tak e n o tim e at all to get into the rhythm of a new game. They are good card player s to begin with, and knowin g the player s i s just gravy . I hate these guys. If yo u ar e i n a regula r game , yo u ma y notic e yo u rarely socialize with your fello w player s outsid e o f your game, possibly because you know that you will see them on a regula r basis . S o i f yo u hea r fro m you r fello w players onl y on th e da y of the game , don' t worry. Poker seems to be the adhesive, and a stron g one at that, and satisfies th e players' socia l needs. When they do get together, poker players are lik e any other mal e bondin g group . I f you're a ne w playe r i n a n established game , you're a t an acknowledged disadvan tage. Th e regula r players kno w you ma y be uncomfortable an d wil l accept you, or at least tolerat e you, even if you nee d game s explaine d t o you an d eve n i f you tak e their money—s o lon g a s yo u exhibit th e correc t poke r behavior. Som e peopl e hav e a natura l affinity fo r poker, some don't , an d establishe d player s ca n tel l i f you'll eventually catch on . They'r e willing to coddl e yo u for a short perio d o f tim e i f you see m t o kno w what you'r e doing with a dec k o f cards an d a pil e of chips i n your

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hands. Th e faste r you pick u p th e basics , th e friendlie r the gam e becomes . Poker idiosyncrasies ar e lik e secre t fraternal handshakes . It' s alway s nic e t o mee t a fello w Moose. Players mak e th e game , an d al l game s ar e differen t because they are made u p of different players , but, paradoxically, th e sam e player s see m t o sho w u p a t ever y game, no matter what the address. There may be Vinnie, Speed, Roy , Murray, Felix , and Oscar , or there'll be other guys wh o exhibi t th e sam e behavio r patterns , onl y in different combinations . Expec t t o mee t th e followin g guys: Mr. Meticulous: Thi s i s Vinnie . H e stack s hi s chip s neatly. He doesn't smoke , h e drinks from a glass instead of a can , an d h e neve r sweats . H e als o wins , which makes hi m all the mor e maddening . He's into poker a s an experience—for the good time—an d not the competition. Mr. Meticulous doesn't make any spectacular bets. He plays a quiet game, hardly anyone knows he's there, and h e alway s end s u p with th e most chips . H e almost never bluffs , bu t when h e does, it's effective. It' s better to believe him when he bets big. Murray whispers to Speed: "What did I tell you? It's always the quie t ones." Mr. IBM: Thi s is Felix. He is strait-laced, conservative. If you bumpe d int o him o n th e street , you wouldn't mark him a s a card player . He's the man who like s the idea of leading this secret, second life , bu t he doesn't bothe r to change his clothes first. If he doesn' t hav e a promisin g hand o n th e first three cards, h e drops. H e never raise s unless h e ha s a roya l flush . I f you rais e him , he drops . His philosophy is: "If you don't bet, you can't lose it." He will never , ever , cal l you r bluf f i f you've go t hi m bea t showing, even when he's filled in his hand. He also may

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have trouble callin g your bluff i f he's go t you bea t show ing. Bewildered, other players will invariably ask this guy why h e eve r bothere d t o sho w up . Hi s invariably puzzling answer : " I lik e t o pla y poker. " To him, the wor d "gamble" i s simpl y th e secon d hal f o f "Procter. " H e always show s u p t o a gam e wearin g the sam e single breasted, pin-stripe d sui t h e wor e t o wor k that day . A couple o f hours into the game, he may loosen hi s tie. What's the Bet?: This i s Murray—well meaning , but a little slow . H e like s to mak e u p ne w games . H e always has to have bets explaine d t o him. He bets int o bumpers without havin g a goo d hand . H e raise s whe n h e ha s nothing showing , hopin g "t o bluff. " A variation of this type is the book-smart guy. He knows Blake and Yeats, or is a whi z i n th e office , bu t simpl y doesn't understan d that hi s tw o pair ain' t gonn a mak e i t when thre e othe r players wit h thre e o f a kin d showin g ar e bumpin g furiously—then h e needs at least te n minutes to sprea d out hi s card s an d tr y t o figur e ou t wha t h e has . Key phrase fo r bot h types : "Okay , what d o I have?" Always bet int o him , unles s h e look s a s i f h e i s havin g a n infuriating ru n o f dumb luck—and thi s type always ha s an infuriatin g ru n of dumb luck. He's slow and deliberate on th e deal—he' s go t to coun t th e card s t o mak e sur e that everyon e ha s th e sam e amount . Murray : "Doe s everybody have fou r cards? " Speed : "Yes , Murray, we al l have fou r cards . I f you giv e us on e more , we'll all hav e five cards. See how it works now?" Murray: "What do you want, speed o r accuracy? " The Procrastinator: He' s a relativ e of "What' s th e Bet?". The betting round will be going along swimmingly until the bet comes to him. When it's his bet, he'll never take anyone' s wor d fo r ho w muc h h e owes . H e goe s

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back an d carefull y re-count s th e entir e bettin g roun d until h e finally comes up with the exact figure owed— which i s th e exac t amoun t w e tol d hi m h e owe d te n minutes ago. B y this time, the quicker bettors are pulling out what's lef t o f their hair. The Procrastinato r is a goo d card player , but he like s to take his time, Let Me Explain: I think this is me, since I have written a book about i t and a m kidded about being Mr. Know-It-All and deferre d t o for rulings—when the deale r isn't up t o it. Thi s gu y knows ever y gam e insid e an d out . Often , however, he' s no t a ver y good car d player . Those wh o can't do ... lose . (This, however, is definitely NOT me. I may not be the Cincinnati Kid, but I do manage to pocket a fe w dollars every two weeks.) H e also ha s th e annoying habi t o f dissectin g ever y han d fo r th e losers , firs t asking rhetoricall y why the y stayed i n when i t was ob vious the y couldn't win, then answerin g his own ques tion b y providin g the explanation . He' s prone t o thin k too muc h an d t o mak e dum b mistakes . Watc h fo r this guy—he'll telegrap h hi s han d ever y time. I f you kno w this guy, don't give him this book. He'l l write me a nasty letter to tel l me ho w man y games I didn't include , ho w many rules I screwed up , and ho w dare I stereotype him. The Innovator: This guy can't play the same games that everyone els e enjoys. He's got to add tha t special twist , or he decides th e house need s a new game that he has to create . Thi s would b e okay , except h e ha s n o con ception o f which innovation s wil l work—usually none . His favorite phras e i s "Let's try this . . ." The Bumper: Yo u can coun t o n thi s guy to spice u p a game b y bumping—for th e sak e of bumping. If you ca n spot him soon enough, you can rel y on him to bump for

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you if you don't want to tip your hand. Try to make sure this guy sits to your right, so he can bump before the bet gets to you. If he sits to your left, you'll have to anticipat e his raise, not an easy thing to do. His favorite expressio n is: "Let's get some mone y int o this game! " The Bluffer: A player can't always have a good hand, but don't tell that to this guy. He'll bluff righ t at the start , betting with authority and raisin g constantly—and dro p by the third card. Tr y to stay with him as long as you can stand it . A trademark of the bluffe r i s th e revers e bluff : He'll cr y an d moa n tha t hi s card s ar e awful , the n turn over his hole card s t o reveal a ful l house . The Optimist: Th e opposite o f a bluffer . H e calls ever y bet, never raises, and hangs around until the last card on every hand . Th e words "I' m out" are not in his vocabu lary. H e has take n a lotter y slogan a s hi s persona l phi losophy: "Yo u can't win i t i f you're no t i n it. " He neve r understands wh y he goe s hom e a bi g loser . Rais e into him. Our Favorite Inebriate A (for Awful): H e drinks and drinks unti l h e get s t o th e poin t wher e h e play s jus t Awful. He' s the first to note that there's n o mor e bee r o r Four Roses. H e forgets to ante. H e has t o be constantl y and sharpl y reminded tha t th e be t i s to him . He needs help i n countin g ou t th e righ t numbe r o f chips . H e always asks wha t the game is—i n the middl e of a han d he has raise d in . To protect him , other players decide h e should fold . Whe n h e stay s in , he'l l call ou t hi s han d and fli p hi s card s ove r befor e th e fina l be t i s called . When he turns his cards over at the right time, he stares at them tryin g t o figure out what he ha s or , more likely , trying to figure out where h e is . Taking his mone y pre -

S4

POKER BASICS

sents a sticky moral dilemma, but not for long. He's the player most likel y to fal l asleep i n your bathtub. Our Favorite Inebriate B (for Better): The same as above, excep t th e B stands fo r Better, which i s how h e plays the more drunk he gets. This guy is annoying. He's so intuitiv e that the i d finally takes ove r completely. He exhibits th e sam e forgetfu l tendencie s a s Ou r Favorite Inebriate A—he doesn't know the bet, h e barel y knows the game , hi s bettin g makes n o logica l sense—but h e wins ever y pot he' s i n on . You r tendenc y i s to be t into him, thinkin g that h e doesn' t kno w wha t he' s doing . Resist the temptation . The Part-Timer: He' s not a serious poke r player. Don't count o n hi m to mak e a quorum . Ever y week h e say s that he will be there, bu t something always unavoidably detains him. When he does show up, he comes an hour late and has to leave early. Part-timers can be broken into two distinc t classes . Th e firs t i s th e guerrill a poke r player. H e shows up , pull s a strafin g run , takes every one's money , an d bid s a fon d adie u fo r anothe r tw o months. Th e secon d i s th e eterna l novice . H e hasn' t played i n s o lon g tha t he' s forgotte n wha t beat s a straight, and he is always leaning over to his neighbor to surreptitiously ge t additiona l informatio n o n th e gam e being dealt . Mr. Early Bird: He' s th e two-different-colored-sock s single guy in a group of husbands, or the married one i n a group of bachelors. H e comes on time and h e ritually announces tha t h e wil l b e leavin g at 9 P.M . " I gotta ho t date," the bragging bachelor smile s mischievously. "I got a wife," the husband explains .

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Buddy: Easily identified more by his demeanor than by the wa y he plays . Me n want t o han g aroun d wit h him, women want to either sleep with him or mother him—or both. He' s a man' s man . He' s goo d natured , play s a cavalier sor t of game, an d know s whe n to get out abou t two card s to o late . I t doesn't fee l lik e a prope r gam e without him . Mr. Broke: This i s Oscar, onl y not a s sloppy . This guy never ha s enoug h mone y o n him . B y the en d o f th e game, he owes mone y to everyone at the table. He'll ask to raise the stakes s o he can make back his losses faster. Oscar: "Murray , loa n m e $20. " Murray : " I just len t yo u $20. Borrow from someon e else . I keep winning my own money back. " Go for the Throat: Thi s guy does not know the mean ing of the wor d "mercy." H e will raise, jus t to stic k i t to you. "It' s a dog-eat-do g world out there, " he'll say, "and you'd d o i t to me i f I didn't do i t to you." It's not that he' s cynical; his competition mete r is turned up two notche s too high. He's a nice guy, but don't ge t into a betting war with him. He has nerve s of steel and a killer's eye. You've got to constantly remind him to relax. It doesn't help . If you've got all these guy s at your game, you'd better have plent y of extr a chair s an d a n extr a cas e o f beer . Everyone will b e prett y thirsty by the tim e the introductions are made .

CHAPTER

8

Emily Post Played Poker?

Fo r a playe r to become accepted i n a game , knowing

how t o pla y poke r i s no t enough . Ther e ar e accepte d forms o f behavior a t a poke r game , som e pertaining t o the card s and th e han d bein g played, other s pertaining to general house etiquette . You don't stand behin d a guy and say "Wow! Three Aces!" Here are some semi-serious poker behaviora l hints : ALWAYS . . .

Know what you are going to deal when the deck comes to you. Poke r games rely on an establishe d rhythm , and being indecisiv e abou t wha t gam e t o dea l break s tha t rhythm. I know a lot of dealers who just start dealing out cards. Whe n quizze d a s t o wha t gam e i s bein g dealt , they say, "I'll let you kno w after I look at m y hole cards. " That's cut e th e first couple o f times, annoying the 93rd . Turn all your cards face down to indicate you 're out of a hand. Bette r yet, toss them t o the deale r o r int o the pot

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EMILY POST PLAYED POKER?

67

so that they're ou t of the way. Don't let other players still in th e han d se e you r cards . A player may see tha t you had a card that he could use , an d decide to prematurely drop, o r se e a car d tha t anothe r playe r could use , an d decide t o raise . I f one playe r see s a discard , everyon e should know what it is. Clean up wet spots caused by condensation from beer bottles an d cans. Onc e th e card s ge t we t the y stic k together an d yo u hav e t o thro w ou t th e deck . Wetnes s makes chip s stic k together, and I' m sure you don't want to be t mor e tha n yo u hav e to . And , as Feli x says , yo u don't want to leave littl e rings on the table. Be honest. The one time you're caught short on a bet or you cal l th e wron g han d wil l mar k you , an d a n extr a quarter i s a hig h price to pay for that kind o f reputation. Bring enough money to play for at least half the night. You must be prepared t o lose ever y cent i n your pocket. The ke y is to play smart i f the card s aren' t falling fo r you and mak e th e dollar s stretc h a s fa r as the y will go . The worst thin g you can d o i s quit early and leav e only fou r players. To be properly prepared, tak e enough money to buy three ful l stack s o f chips. Make clear your intentions i f you must leave early. Thi s will give the other players an opportunity to find another player if you leave the m short. A player who consistentl y leaves th e gam e shor t o f players won't be asked bac k t o future games . Bring beer i f you drink beer. Once the bee r comes int o the house , it' s community property. I f you ar e goin g to

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drink—or eat—something different tha n what is served, bring it. This is a poker game, not a restaurant. Keep your up cards fully exposed so everyone can see them. Player s who deftly, o r subconsciously, tr y to cover their up cards in a stud gam e ar e not to be trusted. You shouldn't hav e t o as k t o se e wha t someone' s expose d cards are. A corollary to this rule: don't hol d your hole cards i n you r hand . ( I don't kno w why yo u shouldn' t hold your hole cards in your hand—it just isn't done. ) Announce your ante. Sa y something lik e "I' m in " lou d enough so that other players will hear you. When the pot invariably comes up short , you'll hav e witnesses t o testify fo r you. Bet i n sequence. I can' t stres s thi s enough . Th e nex t player ma y want t o rais e an d wil l becom e indignan t if his opportunity is usurped. If he wants to bump, you may want to drop—but you've already bet. NEVER . . . Give another player advice on betting, even if he asks. Your advice coul d royall y screw u p a bluffer , o r i t could be ba d advice . Eac h playe r i s a bi g bo y now , an d h e shouldn't have gotten in if he couldn't handle it. The best response to someone who asks your advice i s a shrug. Look at another player's hand —once you've dropped, of course—unless you have the tacit approval of the player in question or the table at large. Even then, don't react to what you'v e seen , outsid e o f a knowin g glance t o th e player in question. Anythin g you say or do can b e used against hi m in the betting.

69 Look at another player's hand if you have seen someone else's. You r expression coul d b e enoug h to give another player a clue . Eve n mor e o f a no-n o i s the n offerin g advice to either of the players whose card s you saw. Your advice would be based on your knowledge of what cards you had in your own hand and what the other player has, information no t available to anyone else at the table . EMILY POST PLAYED POKER?

Call out what cards or possibilities another player has showing. Onl y the deale r ha s thi s right . Everyon e els e should shu t up . Th e wors t thin g yo u ca n d o i s aler t Player A that Player B has a good han d showing. If Player A hasn' t spotte d thi s o n hi s own , tough . Announcing someone's han d i s a n eve n bigge r no-n o i f you'v e dropped. You'r e no t playin g thi s hand , s o g o rea d a book. Onc e you've dropped , ho w anyon e els e play s i s none o f your business. Help another player figure out what h e has. Often , i n a wild-card o r community-car d game , a playe r wil l b e confused a s t o what he ha s ende d u p with. He may lay his card s ou t an d examin e the m fo r a whil e befor e calling, lookin g fo r unsolicite d advice . A playe r mus t call his own hand, and he cannot be incorrect in his own favor. I f Player A calls a ful l hous e when h e actuall y ha s four o f a kind , an d Playe r B has a highe r ful l house , Player B wins, no matte r what Playe r A later decides o r discovers. I f Player A declares fou r o f a kind , and i t i s actually discovered h e has onl y a ful l house , h e loses— but it' s up t o the remainin g participants t o chec k eac h potential winning hand. Deal with your hands and deck over the table, especially if it's your first time in a new game. Deal where everyon e can se e you r hands , henc e th e expressio n "aboV e

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board". No one i s going to cheat thi s way in a quarter / half game—wh y ris k your reputatio n o n suc h smal l ante?—but n o on e like s to admi t he' s playin g for small stakes, s o w e hav e rule s o f etiquett e a s i f there wer e $100,000 at stake. We all have delusions o f grandeur, no matter how cheap the beer . Brag about how much you're winning. I n neighborhood games, winner s ar e sneered at . Remember—wha t goe s around, come s around. I f you're cleanin g up , it' s good form t o pocket som e of the proceeds so your chip piles don't loo k to o big . By the sam e token, neve r complai n about ho w much you're losing . No one like s a sore an d whiny loser . Yo u may, however , kee p pleadin g fo r th e dealer t o deal yo u a winner, as lon g as you do i t with a smile on your face. Feel sorry for a loser by holding th e be t down. Pit y will make him mad. Play to win big, always, because he'd d o the same to you. It' s not unfriendly , an d n o one i s malicious—it's how the game is played. Everyone knows that no on e win s all the tim e (at least no t at my table). I f you hold back on building up your chip piles now, you'll find yourself shor t late r when thos e piles suddenl y begin to shrink. Feel sorry fo r a novice. Poker isn' t a picnic , eve n i f it's played a t one . I f he can' t stan d th e heat , h e shoul d ge t out o f the kitchen . I f the wate r i s to o rough , he shoul d never hav e gon e swimming. Got some more cliches ? In any event , yo u don' t wan t a stupi d player—especiall y one exhibitin g beginner's luc k (th e equivalen t of scrap ping fingernail s o n a chalkboar d o f th e poke r set ) t o come. back . It' s bes t t o discourag e hi m a s quickl y a s

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possible b y takin g hi s money , an d gettin g ri d o f hi m forever. Show your complete winning hand if you win the pot by default. Yo u may have been bluffing , an d that' s informa tion that no one pai d t o see and you don't want anyon e to know . If someone wanted t o know if you ha d a winning han d o r were bluffing , the y would hav e "kep t you honest" b y calling your final bet an d thereb y paying for the privilege of seeing your hand . And finally, never, ever play poker with someon e whos e nickname i s a city , i.e . Amarill o Sli m o r th e Cincinnati Kid. I f he's goo d enoug h t o b e th e bes t i n a city , he' s certainly goo d enoug h t o bea t anyon e i n you r neigh borhood.

CHAPTER

9

Cliches, Truisms, and Old Wives' Tales

p

oker, lik e an y othe r clannis h activity , ha s it s ow n cliches, ol d wives ' tales , an d truisms . N o matte r ho w many game s yo u play , you'l l alway s hea r thes e sam e cliches, old wives' tales, and truisms . I will now take this opportunity t o perpetuat e a s man y o f thes e pervasiv e axioms as I can. Never look at your hole cards until all the cards are dealt. This is superstition, but everyon e I'v e ever played with wait s unti l al l th e card s hav e bee n deal t befor e picking them u p and lookin g at them. Onl y bridge players loo k a t thei r card s a s they'r e bein g dealt . Poke r players lik e to appea r apatheti c an d aloof , a s i f to say , "Yeah, so I got some cards, bu t it doesn't matter what I've got because I'm gonna win anyway." Some player s (like me) take this a step furthe r an d don' t look at their cards until the y have t o bet . N o specia l reason . I just thin k it looks cool.

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73

The more cards in the game, the better the hand you 'II need t o win. I f seven player s ar e playin g a seven-car d stud game , tw o pair will rarel y win. This axiom i s even truer, if such a thing is possible, i n a wild-card game. Never stay in needing one specific card or a single denomination, especially on the last, expensive round. If, fo r instance, yo u hav e four card s t o an insid e straight and you need th e last , remaining 8 to fill in—drop. The money you'l l win th e on e tim e you ge t th e 8 wil l no t equal al l th e mone y you'll hav e los t waitin g i n vain on the hundred other hands . If yo u can't win, drop. I f you pay attention, it's possible t o make a reasonabl e gues s a s t o wha t th e othe r hand s contain. This may sound obvious , bu t an inexperience d player tends t o sta y in every hand o n th e of f chance h e may win. This is a sure way to los e a lo t of money over the cours e o f an evening . The evening's winners will b e those player s who didn't play every hand and dro p even if i t only costs the m a quarte r to sta y in . Thes e player s know that it may only cost a quarte r to stay in, but over the course of four or five hours those quarter s mount up. Form guidelines for yourself as t o when you will ge t out of hands: i f you don' t have anything recognizable by the fourth card , o r i f two guys have bumped o n succeedin g rounds. And if intelligence doesn't tel l you that you can't win, instinct will. Follow it. Bet i t like you've go t it . If you're playing seven-card stu d and you've got four card s t o a heart flush showing, don't worry i f your hol e card s don' t matc h 'em . You r oppo nents won' t kno w that you don' t hav e th e fifth heart i n the hole , unles s you tel l the m b y calling th e bet . Raise

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with authority. You've got the flush , eve n i f all your hol e cards are clubs. There'll b e plenty o f time to drop once the playe r wit h tw o pai r showin g call s you r bluf f an d bumps you back. Play your hand. I f someone is betting up with a possibl e flush an d you'v e go t a definit e straight , dam n th e tor pedoes. A straight' s a goo d hand , s o disregar d wha t another player ma y have. Pla y your hand, no t someone else's. Don't bet into a bumper. I f you opened an d you r neighbor raised, chec k nex t time. If you've got a good hand , it will fak e hi m int o continuing to bum p i f someone els e raises. Checkin g t o th e bumpe r i s a goo d wa y to kee p people in the game, a subtle for m of legal sandbagging , and it' s one wa y to hid e you r ow n han d an d bluf f a s if you had a lousy one. There'l l be plenty of time to bet and bump bac k i n th e las t coupl e o f rounds, whe n every one—especially th e wis e gu y bumpin g th e whol e hand—has already invested too much to drop out at that stage o f the game . If yo u have t o think about it , you don't have it . While you're spendin g al l tha t tim e tryin g to figure out wha t you have , everyon e els e wil l hav e figure d ou t tha t you don't hav e it . Goo d hand s leap ou t fro m th e cards . However, sinc e everyon e know s this , starin g at you r hand wit h a puzzle d expressio n o n you r fac e fo r a n unreasonable length o f time i s a goo d bluff . I f you want to carr y th e bluf f out—i f you'v e go t a grea t hand , tha t is—ask to be reminded ho w much you owe the pot, and toss i n th e amoun t deliberatel y and wit h a loo k o f unhappy resignation on your face. Fool s 'e m every time. Conversely, i f you aren' t shar p enoug h t o imme -

CLICHES AND TRUISM S

75

diately recogniz e a goo d han d whe n you'v e go t one , learn to smoke cigars . Smoothl y slipping a stogie ou t of your mouth and puffin g ou t perfect circles o f smoke that float gently toward th e already smoke-covere d ceiling is a goo d wa y to stal l whil e bein g cooll y contemplative . You're no t tryin g to figur e ou t wha t you'v e go t i n you r hand; you'r e ponderin g the grea t unknown s of the universe while solvin g th e algorith m o f your obviou s nex t raise. Once two players call, get out. This axiom is for the en d of a hand i f you only have a marginal collection of cards. Someone ha s t o kee p th e bumpe r honest . Onc e some one doe s this , ge t out . Th e odd s sa y that you ma y b e able to beat a bluffing bumper, but not his caller as well. But— Stay in if you're the third player left in a high-low game. There's alway s th e chance the other tw o players are both going either high or low. (We'll cover high/low in Chapter 13, if you don't understan d thi s axiom. ) The cards talk. I f you thin k you've go t a winner, lay your cards ou t an d say , "Rea d 'e m an d weep. " Fo r mor e dramatic effect, flip the cards u p one by one. Everyon e at the table will announce the m for you. Never drop th e high hand showing. Havin g the best han d showing put s yo u i n th e driver' s seat—i f yo u rais e it , people will thin k you've go t i t and wil l drop . Don' t give other players a chance to fill in their own hands. Bet the Ace. An Ace on th e first up card , especiall y in a high/low game , i s worth openin g with , no matte r wha t you have underneath. If you don't bet it , the other players

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will kno w you have a lousy hand. Checkin g an Ace is a sure tell that your other cards ain't so hot. Decide your be t ahead o f time. Tr y not t o b e surprised . Tell yourself, "If he bumps, I' m going to drop, but I'l l stay in if he calls." This is known as strategy . Nothing is more disturbing to a game than someone who takes foreve r to decide whethe r to bet, and the n has t o ask how much it costs to call. I know plenty of players who ar e not invited back becaus e they hold thing s up. Makin g an assertive , decisive be t always says tha t you know exactly what you have and tha t it's worth money. If you're no t sure, check. And i f someone i n fron t o f you has checked , as k yourself why. Did someone bum p on the las t round ? Don't worry about ho w small the po t is. Someone wil l almos t alway s bet , usuall y th e dealer . Everyone like s to thin k th e gam e the y deal i s goin g to produce a big pot, and a dealer will create th e illusion of an excitin g hand b y betting when no one else will. Never drop before it's your bet. Peopl e coul d chec k t o you, thereb y makin g the roun d fre e an d givin g yo u a chance t o marginall y improve your han d withou t risk. Or, mor e important , hand s i n fron t o f yo u ma y dro p before yo u hav e a chance to, leavin g fewer player s and increasing your odds of winning. Play your cards close t o th e vest. Thi s final cliche i s a cliche for a reason—by keeping your cards close to you, you lesse n th e opportunit y for other player s t o inadver tently see them . Eye s will wander.

CHAPTER

10

Speaking in Poker Tongues

T,he brother of a non-poker playing friend o f mine lives

in St . Thomas i n th e Carribean , and h e cam e u p fo r a visit ove r th e summer . W e got t o talkin g abou t poker , since at the tim e I was har d at work on thi s book. He started t o tel l m e tha t " I was i n this Acey-Deucy game, and I wa s dow n abou t a hundre d bucks , an d I jus t wanted to get my money back out of the pot. No one was winning, so th e po t was reall y huge, like $400. We kept going around an d I' d ge t dealt a 1 0 and a Queen s o I'd pass, and a Jack would come up, but every time I'd bet I'd get a tie and I owed double. " I aske d hi m wha t stake s h e played , an d h e sai d quarter/half, and I showed hi m Pyramid, which he understood right away: "Oh, it's like Criss Cross, onl y with an extra card. Do you play a lot of Chicago? We play a lot of Monte Carlo." It wa s a n interestin g conversation , m e fro m Ne w York, him fro m St . Thomas, an d bot h o f us speakin g th e universal language of poker. In the meantime, my friend,

77

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POKER BASICS

his brother , was standin g and tryin g followin g ou r con versation, his eyes flitting back and forth between us. He wanted .to get his two cents in , but all he managed was a reference to a flush he once had that got away. His brother and I weren't speaking in poker tongues to alienat e him , o r t o shrou d ou r poke r conversatio n with th e mystiqu e o f some two-century-ol d fraterna l order. Poke r i s lik e an y othe r specialize d activity , lik e engineering, lik e future s trading , like baseball, lik e an y other card game . It has it s own special language , and t o speak th e language is to understand poker. It's more tha n language , however , that identifie s thi s activity as poker. Poker also has its own response mech anism. Man y colloquial expression s hav e grow n out of neighborhood game s i n response t o certain situations. These response s ar e silly , I admit , bu t you'l l becom e instantly accepted by the local losers if you liberally toss some o f these choic e phrases aroun d during the action.

WHAT TO SAY WHEN . . . You cut only a few cards from the top of the deck: "Cut thin to win." You cut almost the entire deck, leaving only a few cards at the bottom: "But cutting fat is where it' s at." Or

"Cut deep to win a heap. "

The dealer deals a straight, non-wild-card game such as seven-card stud or five-card draw: "Oh, we're gonn a p\aypoker\"

SPEAKING IN POKER TONGUES

79

You deal the first Ace: "First Ace bets." You are dealt the first Ace: "First Ace opens." The first pair showing is dealt (meaning that the bet will probably double): "The price o f poker has jus t gone up." Or

"Welcome t o Disneyland' s ne w attraction : Pokerland."

Or

"It's about t o get expensive. "

You are the one with the pair showing, and you're ready to raise: "Here come s Mr . More! " (wit h a no d t o Davi d Mamet's House o f Games}. A player is dealt a pair of 2s: "Deuces neve r looses." A 6 is dealt followed by a 9, or vice versa, to the same hand: "Soixante neuf. " (Pronounce d "swa-za-noof"—that' s 69 in French. You know.) You are dealt a straight, a flush, a full house, or any other great hand on your first five cards in a draw game, and the dealer asks you how many cards you'd like: "I'm pat. "

80

Or Or

POKER BASICS

"I'll play these." "These'll do. "

The player to your right says "I'm pat" under the conditions heretofore described: "Yipes!" (or some other appropriate expletive) . You are unsure of how much to put in the pot after a series of confusing raises: "What's i t to me? " You win with a low full house (such as three 4s and two 3s), otherwise know as a small boat: "It floats." Or

"It'll get me to China."

You have been raising heavily holding the aforementioned small boat, and you get beat by a bigger boat: "Sunk!" The player on your left continually raises, you are holding slim possibilities, and it's your turn to open: "Check." The fourth bettor from you has been raising continually and you want tell the bettors after you and in front of him that it would be foolish for them to bet into him and give him an opportunity to bump more: "Everyone checks."

SPEAKING IN POKER TONGUES

Or Or

81

"I'll check t o the bumper. " "Check around."

You take the third raise in a round with a 25-cent raise to stop the betting: "Kill i t with a quarter." An Ace is dealt to an 8 or vice versa: "Dead man' s hand. " (Legen d ha s i t tha t tw o pair , Aces an d 8s , wa s th e han d hel d b y Wil d Bil l Hicko k when h e wa s kille d b y a sho t i n th e bac k i n 187 6 in Deadwood, Sout h Dakota, a town that re-legalized gambling in April 1989) . You see or call a bet: "I'm in. " "I will participate. " "I'll se e that. " "I will join i n the festivities. " "I call. " "Okay, but I don't lik e it." "I'll play." You fold your hand: "Not for me. " "Too ric h for my blood. " "I'm gone. " "Mrs. (you r mother's las t name here) didn' t raise any fools." You 've got four cards to a great hand showing, someone bets into you as if he thinks you're bluffing, you know

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you've got the winning hand, and you flip over the hole card that wins it: "Read i t and weep. " You get a natural four 8s on the last card: "I caught the case 8." (This can be used with four of a kind of any denomination.) There's only you and the bumper left, and you have to know if he was bluffing, so you call his final raise: "Okay, I'll keep you honest. " You have been dealt five cards in a draw game, only two of which are of the same suit or are equally spaced numerically: "I'm out." The bet is three times over ante by the time the bet reaches you with the above hand: 'Are you nuts?" Or

"What am I doing in this hand?"

You have a hand as described above, but your fifth card vaguely matches a suit or is numerically close to one of your other cards: "Will someone rais e so I can ge t out o f this game?" You 're the dealer and you can't decide what to play: "What can I deal that I can win? " You need one card for an inside straight or to fill out your full house:

SPEAKING IN POKER TONGUES

83

"Time to go fishing." (Pantomine casting an d reeling for effect. ) You're the dealer and you want to make sure all the raises have been called and the pot is right: "Are we dressed?" You're the dealer and you want to tell everyone that you're about to deal the next card: "Pot's right." (Then knock on the table.) You have a good hand, you're impatient, and the dealer has just declared that the pot is right: "Run 'em! " You win a hand that you dealt: "Deal yourself a winner." There ar e als o nickname s fo r every card an d actio n a t the table. Mone y can b e referred t o as "rocks" o r "presidents," Jacks can be "Johns" o r "hooks." For a complete list o f al l slan g poke r terms , chec k ou t th e Glossar y (page 325) .

CHAPTER

11

A Million Cockroaches Overnight

O,

'kay—you kno w tha t a flush beats a straight, what a quarter/half, three-bum p maximu m gam e is , and no t to bet into a bumper. Now , you ask, I'v e got the deck. What do I deal? I'm glad you asked tha t question. Al l possible poke r games ar e base d o n on e o f fou r basi c poke r formats : stud, i n whic h th e deale r deal s ou t a n entir e han d o f down an d u p cards to a player, with each round of cards followed b y a round of betting; draw, in which a player is dealt al l dow n card s an d ca n substitut e some o f these cards for new ones; community cards, in which a player combines cards dealt to him by the dealer wit h exposed cards deal t ont o th e tabl e tha t ca n b e share d b y al l players; an d guts, i n whic h eac h playe r receive s onl y one, two , or three cards, depending on the variation, and pots increase geometrically, with the winner decided by high card .

84

A MILLION COCKROACHES OVERNIGHT

85

From these format s you can dea l a seemingly infinite number o f poker gam e variations. I n this respect, poke r games ar e lik e cockroaches . Yo u start wit h thes e fou r formats and , befor e yo u kno w it , you've go t an infesta tion. Millions upon millions of poker games. Eac h game looks vaguely familiar (an d som e are almost as disgusting as cockroaches) , but you coul d pla y an entir e evening without dealing the same gam e twice. Here's an expanded look of the way poker game s ar e played wit h thes e format s unde r mos t poke r circum stances, without cockroaches. STUD Each playe r i s deal t a serie s o f cards—th e firs t one s down, th e nex t one s exposed—wit h a roun d o f betting following eac h round of exposed cards. For example, in standard seven-car d stud each player receives two down cards an d on e u p car d o n th e initia l deal . Ther e i s a round o f betting ; th e playe r wit h th e highes t expose d card lead s off , or opens . Ther e ar e thre e additiona l rounds o f up cards, eac h followed by a round of betting. The seventh an d final card i s dealt down, and ther e is a final round o f betting. In five-card stud one car d i s dealt down, followe d by four up cards. These u p cards provide the basis fo r variations, most of whic h ar e base d o n th e appearanc e o f a particula r card amon g th e u p cards . Certai n cards , lik e deuces , can b e wild. If you get a wild deuce as a n up card , you have to either match th e pot or drop. Or deuces are wild, but onl y afte r th e firs t one-eye d Jac k i s deal t as on e of someone's u p cards . I f n o one-eye d Jac k i s deal t up , nothing i s wild. A lot of other five- and seven-car d stu d games are based on which cards are showing.

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DRAW

Each playe r i s dealt five cards. After a round o f betting, each playe r ma y replace—or "draw"—u p t o thre e ne w cards fro m th e deck ; the n ther e i s anothe r roun d o f betting. This i s the traditiona l and time-honore d wa y of playing draw , and th e on e mos t familia r t o people who otherwise kno w nothin g about poker . I t is th e gam e of choice for "strip" poker, although I've never really been able to fathom the betting sequence of this game. I guess it's no t how you play the game , bu t whether you win o r lose. In som e houses , a playe r can tak e fou r card s i f he has a n Ac e in hi s hand , bu t thi s optio n i s considered juvenile. N o self-respecting , relativel y mature poke r player would sho w on e o f his card s t o hi s opponents , especially if that card wa s an Ace. The only meaningful variatio n on thi s format i s four card dra w wit h a "spit"—community—card , playe d when there are more than six players at the table and not enough cards to go around fo r a full five-card plus three card dra w game. COMMUNITY CARDS

Each player is dealt fou r dow n cards. The n at least fou r cards, dependin g on the game, are placed fac e dow n in the middle of the table. These are known as common, or "community," cards . Th e deale r expose s eac h com munity card, an d eac h exposure i s followed b y a round of betting. Players use som e or all of their hole cards in conjunction with some or all of the exposed community cards o f their choice t o create five-card hands.

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87

The simples t o f communit y car d game s i s Cincinnati. Fou r cards ar e place d dow n i n the middl e o f the table, and eac h player is dealt four dow n cards. Ther e is a roun d o f betting. On e of the communit y cards is then exposed. There i s another roun d o f betting. Each com munity card i s then exposed in turn, followed by a round of betting , unti l al l fou r communit y card s ar e up . A player ca n us e an y o f his hole-card s an d matc h the m with any of the fou r communit y cards t o create on e fivecard hand . Community card game s may have bee n the genesi s for the expression "la y your cards o n the table." After th e final roun d o f betting , th e onl y wa y t o determin e th e winner i s fo r each playe r to la y his selecte d hol e card s down nex t t o the communit y cards an d us e thi s show and-tell metho d t o explai n th e han d h e ha s compiled . Determining winning hands often take s a couple o f minutes an d a bi t o f patience, especiall y i f there ar e wild cards involved, as players attempt to set five cards u p in some meaningful—an d hopefull y winning—sequence. One quic k illustration of how man y poker variations are possible: All the games in these three formats can be played wit h a minimu m winning hand ; that is , in order for a playe r to win the pot , he has to hav e at leas t a certain hand. The most prevalent is Jacks or Better, Trips to Win in five-card draw. If no playe r has a t least three of a kind at the end of the game, al l players re-ante and the hand i s re-dealt . Any player who folde d i s no t re-dealt. The game i s played until someone has three of a kind. You can dictat e a minimum hand to win in any game format. I ran across a five-card stud, 10 s or better to win game recently . Remember that poker adage: I f it can b e thought of, someone will deal it.

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POKER BASICS

GUTS One gut s gam e i s compose d o f a potentiall y limitles s number o f hands. Player s can choos e t o participat e o r not participate i n certain hands, competin g fo r pots that grow geometricall y large r wit h eac h additiona l han d dealt. I n standar d two-car d guts , fo r instance , eac h player antes, usuall y a larger ante than usual, and is then dealt two down cards. Each player "declares" whether he is i n o r out—whethe r h e choose s t o compet e fo r th e current pot . Th e player s wh o declar e "in " sho w thei r cards. The playe r wit h the bes t hand—hig h car d or a pair, i f he's extremel y lucky—takes th e pot . Th e loser — the wors t han d o f thos e player s tha t staye d in—mus t match th e pot , formin g th e basi s o f the po t fo r the nex t hand. If by some weird coincidence tw o players have the same losin g hand , bot h matc h th e pot , bu t tie s rarel y occur. Ever y player, including those wh o were out of the previous han d an d exceptin g th e lose r o f the previou s hand, re-antes . Th e po t i s no w wha t th e las t lose r matched, plu s the new antes. Anothe r hand i s dealt and played the same way. The winner collects th e new, larger pot; the lose r matche s th e large r pot. All players re-ante, and another roun d i s dealt. The winner collects the new, larger pot ; th e lose r matche s th e large r pot. Al l players re-ante, an d another is dealt. Th e game end s when onl y one player has the "guts" to declare "in" and wins the bynow huge pot by default. This is the standard gut s format. Poke r imaginations, however, hav e invente d an y numbe r o f variation s tha t play slightly differently . There ar e als o game s tha t mi x an d matc h thes e formats—games tha t ar e bot h communit y car d an d stu d

A MILLION COCKROACHES OVERNIGHT

89

games, fo r instance , o r gut s game s tha t ar e als o dra w games. Sinc e this is a well-ordered book, I have tried t o classify eac h gam e a s a n entomologis t woul d classif y our friend s the cockroaches . B e forewarned tha t i n my scientific enthusias m t o mak e poke r realit y fit into my classifications, I may have hammered a round game into a square format . There are als o "anti-poker " formats—games deal t at poker table s tha t don't follo w th e standar d poke r rules I've explaine d thu s far. There are poker games based on bridge, poker game s based o n countin g point values of cards, an d othe r suc h non-poke r approaches . I hav e little patience for these games dressed in poker clothing; they are explored and, more often tha n not, shrugged off, in the final two chapters.

CHAPTER

12

Man with the Ax, One-

Eyed Jacks and Deuces Wild

I

n tha t sam e episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation mentioned at the star t of Chapte r 1 the ship' s doctor , Dr. Pulaski , calle d ou t "five-car d draw , one-eyed Jacks , deuces, an d th e Ma n with th e A x wild." (It' s strangel y comforting tha t poke r won' t chang e tha t muc h i n 300 years. ) This futur e scen e sum s u p wh y the "serious " poke r player looks dow n hi s nos e at the neighborhoo d poke r player. Wild cards . A real poker player doesn't nee d an y artificial stimulant s in his hands to make the game exciting. Yeah, except tha t so-called "real " poker players have hundreds o r eve n thousand s o f dollar s o n th e table . Boring seven-card stud , draw, or hold 'em games can get pretty exciting when a representativ e of Brinks pulls up to cash i n the players. When ther e i s onl y $1 5 in 25-cen t chip s i n the pot , you'll d o anythin g to spic e thing s up. On e wa y of man-

90

ONE-EYED JACKS AND DEUCES WILD

91.

ufacturihg this excitement is by being able to say "I have a roya l flush, " eve n i f three o f the card s ar e wild . (Yo u see, it' s not actually having the royal flush that's exciting. It's th e thril l of being able to sa y the words "royal flush " in connection wit h cards you are holding.) Any card can b e designated a s a wild card, an d any game yet to be described ca n be made int o a wild-card game. Al l the dealer nee d do i s designate th e appropri ate car d o r cards . Th e mos t popula r wil d card s are : deuces, trey s (3s) , one-eye d Jack s (th e Jack s o f hearts and spades are in profile), the Man with the Ax (the King of diamond s i s holdin g a n ax) , th e Suicid e Kin g (th e King of hearts i s holding his swor d i n such a way that it appears a s i f th e swor d i s goin g throug h hi s head) , Mustached King s (King s o f diamonds , club s an d spades—the Suicid e Kin g i n Hoyl e deck s i s th e lon e mustacheless monarch , whic h ma y explain hi s self-de structive tendencies) , an d th e Bitc h (th e Quee n o f spades, the only Queen favorin g a scepter over flowers, which may exemplify he r nasty disposition). Or, a dealer ca n simpl y designate any denomination or suit in any location a s wild cards: red 8s, black 6s, all face cards , o r all spades i n the hole , for example. Wild cards ca n be used i n any combination as well. There are also game s wit h combination s o f wild card s buil t int o the rules. Baseball (see p . 203), for instance, has 3 s and 9s wild. Each playe r can als o hav e hi s own , individua l wil d cards. Everyone' s low hole card can b e designated wild; in othe r words , th e lowes t dow n car d fo r each player, and al l cards lik e it dealt to that player exposed or down, are wild . S o i f you ar e deal t a 3 i n th e hole , al l your subsequent 3 s ar e wild . I f someone else' s lowes t hol e card i s a 5, then all his 5 s are wild fo r him.

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There ar e "spit " (no t split ) game s (se e p . 29) , i n which the dealer exposes one car d tha t is common an d wild fo r everyone. O f course, th e mor e designate d wild cards, the bette r th e winning hand i s likely to be. I n the "Star Trek " game , Dr . Pulaski designated seve n wil d cards—two one-eye d Jacks , on e Ma n with th e A x and four deuces—whic h shoul d produc e a t leas t fou r o f a kind fo r someone. There are also games i n which the wild card s aren' t determined unti l th e en d o f a game , such a s Iro n Cross (see p . 254), or some variations o f Cincinnati. There ar e also game s i n whic h th e wil d car d ca n constantl y change durin g the course o f a hand, such a s Follo w the Queen (se e p . 195) . The othe r possibl e wil d car d i s th e Joker , o r bot h Jokers. I don't lik e adding cards t o the deck ; it spoils my sense of symmetry. But there are games—none of which are include d i n thi s volume—that us e Joker s a s a ke y ingredient. I n m y book—an d thi s i s m y book— The Joker's Wild shoul d remai n a TV game show .

CHAPTER

13

Share and Share Alike

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n standar d poker , th e bes t han d win s th e pot . Bu t when there are seven players in a game, the sight of one gleeful gu y needing both hi s forearms to rake in a mas sive pile of chips ca n b e disheartenin g t o the othe r si x players. I n order t o introduc e a mor e democrati c spiri t into poker, someone cam e u p with ways for two players to share a pot. These are known as split games. Any game playe d within three o f the fou r aforementioned poke r formats—gut s i s th e exception—ca n b e played a s a spli t game . Yo u should hav e a t leas t si x players to play a spli t game , however. Five-handed split games ar e not that competitive—once one player drops out, hal f o f th e player s remainin g will win . I n a low stakes games , tw o players competing fo r half a pot isn't all tha t exciting . You don't wan t t o hav e a han d tha t resembles th e NH L playoff system . The most democratic o f all split games is high/low— the player with the best hand splits the pot with the now not-so-poor sa p who has th e worst hand. High/low also has create d a poke r oxymoron . Whe n yo u hav e th e winning lo w hand , yo u actuall y hav e th e "bes t wors t

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hand," making an already confusing concept even mor e confusing. What th e bes t hand s are , we'v e alread y discussed . What the worst hand s are , however, needs mor e explanation. A player with a "bad" poker hand won't win in a onewinner-take-all gam e (unles s he' s a grea t bluffer) . I n a seven-card stu d game, for instance, a pair of deuces i s a "bad" hand . No player in his righ t mind would stay in an all-high, on e winne r seven-car d stu d gam e holdin g a pair of deuces. In a high/lo w game , though , a pai r o f deuces isn' t bad enoug h even to compete fo r the worst hand. In fact, a pai r o f deuces i s a goo d hand , compare d wit h what usually win s low . Yo u want t o disregar d pair s i f yo u intend on competin g for low. A lo w han d contain s th e lowes t numerica l mismatched cards in the deck, a hand commonly referred to as "dreck" in an all-high game. Fo r example, th e perfect low hand i s composed of 6-4-3-2-A of different suits . In a low hand, the Ace is considered a "low" card, as it is in a small straight. This is where poker arguments begin. I know a lot of players wh o woul d disagre e wit h m y definitio n o f th e best low hand. Man y players believe that the worst hand is mad e u p o f th e wors t card s i n th e deck : 5-4-3-2-A . Well, I' m sorry, but 5-4-3-2- A is a straight , and a straigh t is a goo d hand , no t a ba d one . Sinc e 5-4-3-2- A i s a straight, i t cannot b e a lo w hand a t th e sam e time, no matter ho w badly a player wishes t o say that he has the best an d wors t han d usin g the sam e five cards. B y the same token , i f all fiv e o f these card s wer e o f the sam e suit, he'd hav e a straight flush, an even better hand. There i s another grou p of players that insists that an

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Ace is not a bad or low card. The Ace is the best card in the deck , the y argue, so ho w ca n i t be use d i n a ba d hand? Not using an Ace in a low hand would mean tha t the bes t lo w would b e 7-5-4-3-2 . I grudgingly conced e the logi c of this view, being partial to Aces as high card s myself, bu t determining a lo w hand i s based on numerical value. An Ace has onl y one sui t icon o n it . An Ace looks low. There i s a mor e practica l reaso n wh y a n Ac e i s considered lo w i n a lo w hand. I n many seven-card o r community games , a playe r can selec t five cards an d form a low hand, then select a different se t of five cards and come u p with a high hand, and try to win both high and low . Applying an Ace in both a low hand and a high hand maintain s the Ac e as th e bes t car d i n th e deck . Limiting th e Ac e t o onl y high-car d o r onl y low-car d status diminishe s its worth . And, quoting Ro y the ac countant—out o f context—"Thi s i s no t th e wa y poke r was meant to be played." A playe r name s hi s lo w han d b y callin g ou t th e highest car d o r card s i n th e five-car d lo w hand . Fo r instance, i f you hav e a han d o f 9-7-5-4-A, you cal l thi s hand a 9-dow n or 9-low , meanin g that the bes t car d i n your low hand is a 9. If someone els e also has a 9-down, the nex t card i s included, and yo u would say, "I have a 9-7-down," or simpl y "ninety-seven." If the othe r player has a "ninety-eight" you win—he has better cards in his low han d tha n you do . Whe n someone say s h e ha s a sixty-four—a perfec t lo w hand—you've lost. I hav e hear d som e players sa y "9-up" to describ e a low hand. To each hi s own , but I fail t o understan d th e logic o f this terminology . I f all th e card s use d i n a lo w hand ar e lowe r tha n th e 9 , the n ho w i s i t 9-up? Plus, using "up " instead of "down" means tha t someone wil l

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eventually hav e 7-up . That's funn y once , mayb e twice, but tr y living with players who constantl y call thei r low hands "Uncola " and expect a laugh. Usually an 8-dow n i s considere d a goo d lo w hand. Many games, i n fact, specify an 8-down as the maximum low hand—yo u mus t hav e n o bette r tha n a 8-dow n i n order t o compete fo r a lo w hand. If you have a 9-down, you canno t declar e "low. " I f no on e ha s a t leas t a n 8 down i n a high/lo w game , th e hig h han d wil l wi n th e entire pot. Thi s is not universal, thankfully. Limitin g th e possible lo w han d eliminate s to o man y players—an d their bets—fro m a game . I'v e wo n man y a han d b y attrition—hanging o n whe n ther e seeme d t o b e onl y high hands in the game—with a low hand of Jack-down. If yo u pla y an all-low , one-winner game, th e playe r with th e bes t lo w hand showin g opens, rathe r than the player with the best high hand. An Ace will still automatically open. I f there i s a pai r showing, the be t doubles , whether it stays o r not. DECLARE In a high/lo w game , a playe r doe s no t announc e hi s intention to compete for the hig h or low hand unti l afte r all the betting in a hand i s completed. A t that time, there is a "declare." In this "declare," eac h player announces his han d a s bein g "high " or "low. " There ar e tw o ac cepted methods fo r this "declare. " The logi c o f metho d on e i s tha t player s be t i n se quence, s o declarin g i s don e th e sam e way . After th e final raise and call, the player who made the last raise is the first to declare whether he is going for the high hand or th e lo w hand . H e i s followe d clockwis e b y eac h player i n sequence . Th e player s wh o declar e "high " compare thei r hand s t o decid e on e winner , an d th e

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players wh o declare d "low " compar e thei r hand s t o determine th e othe r winner . The n th e winners spli t th e pot. I call this method th e "sequentia l declare." The sequential declare method gives an advantage to the las t playe r to declare. Whe n ther e are onl y three or four player s left , th e final player often ca n wi n by default if th e player s declarin g i n fron t o f hi m al l declar e on e way. One night I had tw o pair and manage d to stay alive with thre e othe r player s i n a high/lo w game . B y ceding the las t rais e t o th e playe r o n m y left , I manage d t o become the las t player to declare. All three guys in fron t of m e declared "high. " I also had a hig h hand, albei t a rather mediocr e one , considerin g tha t thre e othe r players believe d the y had th e best hig h hand. So , instead of also declarin g "high " an d gamblin g on winnin g the whole pot , I declared "low"—an d spli t the po t with th e real high hand, which turned out to be a flush. Being the only player to declare high or low is called "walking." This is why it pays to stay in a high/low game if you are one o f three remaining players, and why requiring that you have a t least an 8-dow n t o compete for low is a ba d rule . B y carefully managin g th e declar e se quence, you could finagle yourself an easy half pot with a garbag e hand , o r help to create a n eve n large r pot for the other two guys. The declar e roun d als o ca n b e followe d b y a final round o f betting . I don't kno w wh o cam e u p wit h this betting-after-the-declare idea , bu t he was obviously both greedy and a sadist . I know of no othe r reaso n t o hav e this fina l round , sinc e i t is usuall y used t o soa k som e poor sa p wh o decide d t o sta y in just to se e i f he ha d a shot at half the pot (especiall y i f he was one o f only three players lef t i n a game) an d end s up winning nothing. Allow m e t o elucidat e th e stupidit y o f bettin g afte r the declare . Sa y Player A calls hig h an d Playe r B call s

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low. Playe r C is our poor sap. He' s got a mediocre han d and h e followe d my "stay i n if you're the thir d player lef t in a split game " axiom . H e stuck around wit h his drec k and manage d t o declar e las t o n th e of f chance that the other tw o players woul d bot h declar e hig h o r bot h de clare low—an d h e woul d b e th e od d declar e an d b e guaranteed hal f the pot. But thi s strateg y backfire d whe n Playe r A declare d "high" and Playe r B declared "low. " Our poor sap is now stuck. He now has to decide which of his garbage hand s has a bette r chanc e of winning. And no matter what h e calls—high or low—he knows that the other two players know they probably hav e bette r hand s afte r hearin g his expletive-deleted reactio n t o their declares . Player C sighs, examine s hi s cards , decide s o n th e lesser o f two evils , and call s high . Playe r B is th e only one o f the thre e t o declar e low , so h e wil l rais e unmer cifully, knowing he is guaranteed at least half the pot. He is the only one goin g low. Player A, seeing ou r poor sa p is indecisive , know s h e probabl y ha s th e bette r hig h hand. H e will raise unmercifully, knowin g he i s guaranteed a t least half the pot . This is known as gettin g squeezed. Becaus e ou r sa p has mad e a sizable investment in the hand, he is forced to call all the additional bets, just to make sure Player A isn't bluffing—even thoug h everyone knows he isn't—to protect tha t investment . H e doesn' t wan t t o dro p an d discover h e ha d a winning hand afte r all . It's sort of like Russian Roulette when th e five guys in front o f you hav e already pulle d a blank chamber . If you find yourself i n this spot, however , tak e heart . I've suffere d throug h thi s exchang e an d won . Mis calculation can sometimes b e a wonderful thing . The other declare method , which requires much les s strategy, i s know n a s a "chip " o r "blind " declare. Th e

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idea i s that a player declares hig h or low based only on his ow n hand , no t on what another playe r may declare . This ofte n eliminate s players wh o ma y want t o sta y t o see i f they have a chanc e t o walk, since there' s no way for the m t o contro l th e declare . Becaus e player s ar e discouraged fro m hangin g on and onl y good hand s sta y in, anothe r roun d o f betting after a blind declare i s less sadistic tha n th e extr a bettin g round afte r a sequentia l declare, bu t no t by much. In a sequentia l declare , player s ca n si t fo r an hou r trying to decid e whethe r t o declare hig h o r low , a decision base d mor e o n wha t th e player s i n fron t o f them have declare d tha n what the y have i n their hands. Chi p declare i s a simple r and faste r process . Afte r th e final raise an d call , eac h playe r grab s tw o chips an d duck s his hand s unde r th e table . Afte r a minut e of manipulating the chips and starin g meaningfully int o each player's eyes searchin g fo r tells , al l player s brin g thei r close d fists above the pot and simultaneously open thei r hands palm up . Player s no t holdin g an y chip s hav e declared low. Players holding one chi p hav e declare d high . Players wit h tw o chip s hav e declare d tha t the y believe — ofttimes foolishly—tha t the y ca n creat e tw o separat e winning hands, on e hig h and on e low . This is known as declaring "both" o r "pig." So even i n a democratic high / low game, when th e best and worst share i n the bounty, someone can ge t greedy. BEING A PIG You can onl y go pig in a game that consists of more than six cards , s o yo u ca n hav e mor e tha n fiv e card s t o choose from t o create the two hands. You cannot go pig in a five-card stud gam e since on e five-card hand ha s to be eithe r hig h or low . The only exceptions t o this ar e a

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five-card stud gam e with a wild card, o r a five-card stud hand tha t i s Ace-high: Using th e Ac e as a hig h card , i t can bea t a King-hig h hand ; usin g the Ace as a low card cremates a lo w hand . Bu t I've neve r bee n i n a five-card stud high/low game i n which a player went both without a wil d card . Someon e alway s ha s a pair , o r th e playe r with a n Ace-high believes tha t someone has t o hav e a t least a pair. Technically speaking, you could als o declare bot h in a five-car d dra w game . Bu t I can't imagin e a five-card draw game without someone holding a pair. It's easier to imagine the United States without a vice president—and I will now resist the obvious political joke . In anythin g othe r tha n a five-car d stu d game , th e most typica l pi g hand s woul d b e a smal l straight — A-2-3-4-5, for example, for high, and 6-4-3-2- A for a low— or an Ace-high flush. In a wild-card game, any combination i s possible. If a player declares both, he must have the best high and th e bes t lo w hand t o win th e entir e pot. I f a player has a bette r hig h han d tha n th e playe r wh o declare s both, th e pi g can' t wi n anything—h e canno t no w split the po t b y still havin g the bes t lo w hand. You must pay for being piggish. Ties—if the pig has the same lo w hand as another player—ar e considered losses . If both the pig and anothe r playe r declare lo w with identica l 7-5-3-2-A hands, th e pig wins nothing. Once th e pi g i s eliminated , the res t o f th e player s compete a s i f th e pi g wasn' t i n th e gam e a t all . Th e player with the best remainin g high hand split s the pot with the player with the best remaining low hand. Sinc e a pi g rarely wins, the onl y time I will go pig is in a wildcard gam e wher e I have a perfec t low and a t leas t fou r Aces—and then onl y if no other player also seems to be showing a perfect low .

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Some players , however , don' t believ e tha t th e pi g should b e totall y ignored, eve n i f he i s eliminated afte r losing eithe r th e hig h o r th e low . I f a pi g ha d th e bes t high hand bu t lost th e low, then the player with the nex t best hig h han d shoul d no t b e abl e t o wi n anythin g either—after all , h e didn' t hav e th e best hig h hand , s o why should he be entitled to half the pot? Once there i s no high hand, the entire pot is won by the player with the best low hand. I f the pig had the lowest hand, the whole pot goes to the player with the best hig h hand. This is the same reasoning use d i n games tha t insist that th e bes t lo w han d mus t b e n o highe r tha n a n 8 down. I don't thin k it's fair tha t one playe r should win a large pot buil t with the intentio n of splitting it. If you start out intendin g to split the pot , you should find a way to finish th e gam e b y splittin g th e pot . That' s wh y yo u played a split game to begin with. Players lik e high/low—i n fact , an y spli t game—be cause th e pot s ar e muc h large r tha n thos e i n all-high, non-split hands. More players stay in the hand, and mor e money i s bet. Player s with hig h hands are bettin g onl y against othe r player s with high hands, an d player s with low hands are betting only against other players with low hands, s o yo u ar e ofte n competin g onl y agains t on e other player , whic h tend s t o kee p player s i n a gam e longer. If you have a high hand, you aren't going to drop when the low man raises, unless another player showing a high hand also raises. Ofte n the half share from a high/ low game is larger than the entire pot of a winner-take-all game. Th e larges t pot s o f the nigh t usually resul t fro m high/low or other spli t games. There ar e time s whe n on e playe r wil l inadvertentl y win an entire high/lo w pot without goin g pig, especiall y when onl y tw o player s remai n i n th e gam e o r whe n using a chip declare. When only two players stay in, it's

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because one has a strong an d obvious lo w hand show ing and th e other ha s an obviou s an d stron g hig h hand showing. On e player , before the last betting round, will inevitably say : "Look , you've go t a hig h hand , I have a low—why bet? Let's just split it now." There will be an occasion, however, when one player surprises the other by declaring high when he appears to have a lo w hand o r declaring lo w when h e appears to have a high hand. In the more frequent forme r case, the apparent lo w hand coul d wel l be a smal l straigh t o r a flush, an d tha t playe r may believe a straigh t o r flus h i s strong enoug h t o wi n high , n o matte r what th e othe r person has showing high. When a sequentia l declar e i s made an d on e player says "high " instead o f "low" as expected , th e surprise d player has a decisio n t o make. He has t o think: "I have got tw o pai r fo r a decen t high—shoul d I ris k i t an d declare hig h or just declar e lo w and tak e half? " Greed often get s th e bette r o f some players. The surprise an d suspense ar e mute d whe n declarin g i s don e b y chips, since th e surprise d playe r can't react . Everyon e is surprised whe n bot h player s hav e chip s i n thei r hand s o r neither player has a chip in his hand. I can hear your next logical question: What happen s if tw o player s g o pig ? Ho w do yo u decid e th e winner? The answer: I've never see n i t happen. Seriously , folks, the same rules apply. A pig has to win both high and low. If the tw o pigs are th e onl y players left i n the game , an d neither wins both, leave the pot as part of the next game. Neither pi g wil l b e happy , bu t that' s wha t the y ge t fo r being pigs . Some high/low strategy tips: Don't drop out of a high/ low game unles s al l th e raisin g i s coming fro m peopl e who ar e competing for the same han d you're building. If you've got a tiny two pair, you may feel a desire t o drop

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because there' s a lo t of raising. Bu t watch who's bumping. I f the raiser s ar e player s who hav e a lo t o f Aces, deuces, 3s, 4s, and 5s showing, they are probably raising on low hands. They are not competing for the high share of the pot. You have to bet with the guy who's raising on a pair of Kings showing. A low hand is often easie r to build than a high hand. After all , it's much easier to see tha t you are buildin g a truly awful han d tha n to have to wait until the final card to se e i f you fille d i n tha t straight . Try to sta y i n i f you have lo w cards showing . I'v e been burne d man y times by players raising on low cards, then declaring high with straights or flushes. OTHER SPLIT VARIATIONS

High/low i s no t th e onl y way to ge t two winners. Man y seven-card stu d game s ar e playe d i n which th e player with th e best—o r worst—han d split s th e po t wit h a player holding a particular card. This card i s designated by th e deale r befor e th e gam e i s dealt. H e could say , "The highes t spad e i n the hol e split s th e po t with th e best hand." The highest spade is the Ace of spades. The person who hold s thi s card a s on e o f his hol e cards i s guaranteed hal f th e pot . O r the deale r could say , "Low club anywher e split s th e po t wit h hig h hand, " which means tha t th e deuc e o f clubs anywher e in your han d guarantees yo u hal f th e pot . Or the deale r coul d designate a specific card—a player with the 1 0 of hearts in the hole splits the pot with the best hand. If no one ha s th e 10 of hearts, there'll be jus t one winner. When the dealer designates a low card of a particular suit as the split card, he must indicate whether the Ace is considered hig h o r low . If the gam e i s lo w car d split s with the lo w hand, the Ace is always a lo w card. Thes e

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split games play better i f the designated split card has to be i n the hole . If the car d i s showing , player s wit h n o chance of winning with a high or low hand will drop. By mandating tha t th e spli t car d b e i n the hole , everyon e will stay in, hoping to get the split card on the final down card. The betting strateg y fo r these types o f split games is similar to that for high/low—just because a guy is raising doesn't mea n you shoul d conside r folding . I f he start s out raisin g righ t away, he probabl y ha s th e designate d split car d an d i s just trying to buil d the po t u p s o hi s guaranteed hal f i s of a good size . O r he coul d b e bluff ing, i n which case you should sta y in. You never know. That's why they call it gambling. SPLITSVILLE

The hand i s over, you won lo w with a 7-dow n and you get to spli t the po t with the gu y who score d with a ful l house. Joy of joys. Now what? Like dealing, th e physical act of splitting the pot is all a matter of personal style. In my travels, I've come across three distinc t style s for dividing up the chips. The first I call "take five," the second I call "sliders" and th e third I call "piles. " Take five requires each winner to participate. One of the winners—it matters not which—arbitrarily says "take five dollars, " an d eac h winne r remove s fiv e dollar s worth of chips from the pot. H e considers the remaining chips, shrugs , an d says , "tak e anothe r five " o r "tak e three," or whatever amount seems appropriate, and each dutifully does so. This procedure i s repeated unti l only a handful o f chip s remain , whic h ca n no w b e divide d without instruction . Take five isn't my favorite splitting method—the play-

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ers count how many chips to take ou t loud , an d I don't need to know how much mone y wa s i n the pot. I didn't win, s o wh o cares . Besides , tak e fiv e take s to o long . Winners us e thi s tim e t o bas k i n th e glo w o f success, and annoyingl y re-live thei r victory i n supe r slow-mo tion. "Yeah, I can't believe I pulled that case Jack on th e last card to fill in the boat!" Just what I wanted t o know—you wo n b y dum b luck . Th e loser s hav e tim e con template no t having won. "Damn , I had tw o pair on fou r cards, the n nothin g th e res t o f th e hand! " Yeah , I fee l really sorr y fo r you. A time-consuming spli t i s aki n t o taking a slo w jo g around th e bases afte r hittin g a hom e run. It shows up the opposition, put s salt in the wounds, adds insul t t o injury , an d generall y pisse s peopl e off. Better t o ge t the spli t don e quickl y and ge t to th e nex t game before the next deale r throws a chip at your head. Sliders is a littl e faster, and require s only one perso n to slid e a numbe r o f chips acros s th e tabl e to p towar d himself and a n equal number of chips i n the direction of the othe r winner, two or three at a time . That's three for you, and thre e for me. Fou r for you and fou r fo r me. Fiv e for you, five for me. Again, that's too much counting. Th e other proble m wit h slider s i s tha t ther e ar e inevitabl y mis-directed chip s sli d al l ove r th e table , an d clearin g them away from th e fron t o f each winner takes as muc h time a s th e entir e spli t procedure . Lik e tak e five, this allows to o muc h discussio n tim e fo r the winner s an d contemplative tim e for the losers , an d delay s th e start of the next hand . My favorit e chip spli t metho d i s piles . On e winne r creates equa l pile s o f chips i n th e cente r o f the table , then give s on e se t o f piles t o th e othe r winner, keeping the othe r piles for himself. Once the tops of the piles are even, the split is equal. No fuss , n o muss , n o bother—an d n o countin g t o b e

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interrupted b y the on e nimro d a t th e tabl e wh o start s calling out numbers differen t fro m those you're trying to concentrate on. Bein g anal retentive , I like to stac k th e higher denomination chip s first, then work my way down to the cheap chips. You will often b e lef t wit h an odd chi p a t the en d of the split. You can a ) award it to the high-hand winner, b) leave i t in the po t for the nex t hand, or c) toss it to your hard-working and humble host . The las t act o f splitting is anteing for the nex t game . Whoever i s doing the splitting leaves in an ante for each winner. Winners are ofte n to o bus y siftin g throug h and admiring their winnings to be bothered by something a s piddling a s throwin g i n a whol e quarte r fo r th e nex t game. B y leaving tw o chip s i n th e po t afte r th e split , you've save d tw o peopl e fro m bein g th e onl y player s who didn't ante fo r the next hand and certai n ignominy . If you are a slider or a piler, make sure you're also not the next dealer. I f you've won the deal, let the other lucky guy split th e chips . This give s yo u time fo r getting the deck cut , decidin g wha t gam e t o deal an d supervising the nex t anteing . Ge t the nex t han d starte d seamlessl y after the last, as soon as the table is clear. Everyone will be much happier .

SECTION

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THE GAMES

rve describe d eac h o f the followin g game s b y what-

ever names I know them by. There are som e apocryphal poker name s lik e Bedspring s an d Blac k Maria h tha t mean differen t thing s to differen t players . When I know that a gam e ma y b e know n b y two names , I'l l sa y so . Otherwise I will be as descriptiv e as possible—Pas s the Trash say s a lo t more about what happens i n the gam e than Anaconda o r some othe r obscure name . Some players know all the lingo , understand all that I have jus t explained, an d hav e a n intuitiv e sense of the game. Fo r you, I've written a two - or three-lin e descrip tion o f each gam e tha t give s you th e basi c rules . This will enable you to skim through these chapter s and rea d more only about the games tha t interest you. But for those who would like more amplification, I've sketched ou t th e basi c concep t an d initia l deal , indi -

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cated th e valu e o f the han d you'l l nee d t o hav e t o win (two pair may be good enoug h to win one typ e of game, but a ful l hous e ma y be th e minimu m to win another) , suggested particula r bettin g strategie s peculia r t o tha t game, and liste d other minor play variations. Following thi s exposition , I'v e diagrammed a com plete han d fo r mos t o f th e games , fro m dea l throug h each betting round and the final card. My goal is to show how eac h specifi c game play s an d t o illustrat e the differences betwee n tha t gam e an d othe r simila r games . After all , Blac k Mariah an d Follo w the Quee n ar e bot h seven-card stu d games , bu t the y should b e playe d an d bet completel y differently . N o matte r ho w simila r th e form, eac h gam e ha s a differen t strategy , which i s why there ar e s o man y poke r variations , and whic h i s why dealer's choic e i s more interesting than hand afte r han d of $4 limit seven-card stud . Where di d m y game example s com e from? Well , I'm glad yo u asked . Th e hand s tha t ar e illustrate d i n eac h chapter are real hands. As I wrote the description of each game, I dealt ou t hand s o n a foldin g tabl e nex t t o m y handy wor d processor . I had n o ide a wha t card s wer e going t o com e u p o r wh o wa s goin g t o wi n tha t particular hand , s o m y reaction s ar e a s viscera l a s the y would be in a real poker game . I tell you this to illustrat e that there is n o suc h thin g as a "normal " han d i n an y o f these games . I couldn't possibly hav e mad e u p som e of the wild finishes you'll read about . I f it seems I've gone a littl e too fa r diagramming som e o f th e hand s ("Okay , I got th e ide a b y th e second bettin g round—wh y i s h e stil l dealin g out thi s hand? I'll just skip to the end."), it's because I was having such a good time seeing what cards were going to com e up an d wh o wa s goin g t o win . Eve n whe n there' s n o money involved, it's fun to see ho w hands tur n out.

THE GAME S

09

In eac h o f these games , I'v e designate d a han d fo r you, s o you have a vested interes t i n the outcome . I'm always th e dealer , since that' s what I' m doing. Also, as I go through each sample game, I will describe the betting rounds only briefly at the end o f each hand. After all, this is not a book o n ho w to win. Many of you may disagree with my betting strategies. That's okay. Most of the "bad " choices I made are only for the purposes o f example. So, no nasty letters , please .

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CHAPTER

14

Five-Card Stud Games

After si x gruelin g hour s o f high/low, guts , an d seven -

card stud, your game is over. Haggard players are wearily pulling o n thei r overcoats, guzzlin g that fina l ounce of brew, collectin g their accordio n files , briefcases , newspapers, an d umbrellas , an d pickin g u p stra y cigarette butts and empt y beer cans. They've got to wake up and go to work in six hours . The bi g lose r longingl y hover s b y th e scen e o f hi s debacle, thinkin g abou t th e hand s tha t go t away . H e picks u p th e misuse d dec k o f card s an d mindlessl y shuffles the m on e las t time . He suddenly brighten s an d suggests wha t al l loser s suggest : "Let' s pla y on e mor e quick game. " Everyon e moans i n unison , "Enoug h is enough." Bu t the lose r coaxe s th e winner s i n b y conjuring up visions o f a complete and tota l monetar y victory, or he begs for pity and a final chance to make up for lost wages an d grocer y money. When th e lose r finally gets th e othe r player s to th e table, h e doesn' t wan t t o b e kep t i n suspense; hi s pa tience disappeare d a nanosecon d afte r hi s las t $20 bill. Ill

112 TH

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So h e deal s th e quickes t poke r gam e around—Show down. Showdown is a five-card stud game and i s played for one static , predetermined pot. For instance, each player antes, say, $5. The dealer then deals five up cards, one to each player in sequence. There is no betting—what's at stake i s what's i n th e pot . Th e mor e card s deal t u p t o each player , th e slowe r th e deale r gets , an d th e mor e suspense i s built . Whoeve r ha s th e bes t han d afte r al l five up card s ar e deal t win s th e pot . I f this wa s Holly wood, th e lose r would win this final game. I t isn't, an d he doesn't . Show down i s the simples t game i n poker, and i t is the ultimat e five-card stud game . Non-Showdow n fivecard stu d i s playe d lik e seven-car d stud— a serie s u p down an d u p cards , wit h eac h roun d o f cards punctuated b y betting rounds . Five-car d stu d i s dealt i n thre e variations: tw o down cards , thre e up ; on e dow n card , four up; or a variation called bookends, i n which the first and las t card s are dealt dow n an d the middle three up. The middle variation—one down, fou r up—i s the mos t prevalent set . Here ar e som e differen t five-car d stu d configura tions.

HIGH/LOW WITH A BUY BASICS

The name of this game is self-explanatory. After a normal one card down, fou r cards up game, each player gets to discard on e car d an d bu y a ne w one fro m th e dealer . If the discar d wa s th e hol e card , th e playe r gets a dow n card back. Otherwise th e new card i s dealt up.

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113

There ar e variation s o n thi s theme . I'v e playe d i n some game s wher e ther e wer e tw o buys , th e secon d more expensiv e tha n th e first. In some game s a playe r can replac e a n u p car d wit h a ne w down card , bu t h e must pay a premium. STRATEGY

Replacing on e car d ma y not see m lik e a bi g deal , bu t with onl y five cards, almos t everyon e wil l sta y i n fo r a shot a t the hig h or low . Any player with an Ace and lo w cards may be goin g for the lo w until th e las t card, the n pair up an d tak e high . Or a player with a Jack and fou r low cards could discar d th e Jack and mak e a great low hand on the buy card. WHAT WILL WIN

A pair can wi n low . A player with all lo w cards showin g may get a pair when he gets a new hole card, but no one else know s that . All anyone see s ar e hi s lo w up cards . They all declare high, and our boy with low showing and the pair in the hole walks. Or, two players with low hands showing both pair up in the hole on the buy and then try to bluff eac h other out. One succeeds and wins low with the smalle r pair. It's also possible fo r the low hand to win high and th e high han d t o wi n low . Playe r A show s King-hig h bu t doesn't hav e a pair . He knows h e can' t wi n low , so h e declares high . Playe r B has lo w showing but i s actually paired u p o n hi s hol e card . Figurin g th e Kin g ha s a higher pair , h e declare s low . S o th e low—King-high — ends up winning high, the high hand—a pair—wins low. This excitement of anything can wi n could b e gener ated i n a gam e o f straight five-card stud, high/low without a buy . Bu t without the buy , player s wit h on e ba d card—a "brick"—fold . That' s wh y five-card stud, high /

114 TH

E GAMES

low with a buy is such a great game. Players with a brick stick around t o trade it in for a better card an d a brighter future fo r poker player s everywhere . (Brin g u p th e mu sic, rol l credits.) Keep i n min d that , accordin g t o Hoyle , there' s n o going pig i n a high/lo w five-card stud game. I f you only have five cards, you can hav e only one kind of hand, and it has t o be eithe r high or low—not both.

LOWBOY All-low five-car d stud . BASICS

The winner is the player with the best low hand (6-4-3-2 A). Lowboy, also called Lowball or, our favorite , Burn an d Squirm, is a better version of five-card stud than all-high because hand s ar e boun d t o b e lous y when ther e ar e only fiv e card s deal t an d therefore , there'l l b e mor e competition fo r th e bes t lous y han d (there' s tha t oxy moron). A n all-low five-card stud gam e als o allow s for more bluffing tha n usua l i n a low-stakes game . A player could have , say, 6-4-3-A showing but have an Ace underneath. Sure , he has a pair of Aces, but who's gonn a stay in t o find out? Because Lowbo y is an all-low game, the lowest hand showing opens each round of betting. If one player has a 7-5 showing, and anothe r ha s a 3-2, the playe r with 3-2 opens. And since this is an all-low game, Ace is consid ered low . So, an Ace automatically will open th e betting, just as i t would i n an all-hig h game.

5-CARD STUD GAMES

115

STRATEGY

We call this game Burn and Squir m because a great low hand i s ofte n ruine d by a bric k on th e las t card . (Thi s game shoul d reall y b e calle d "Squir m an d Burned, " since that' s th e actua l sequence , bu t someho w tha t doesn't have the same ring.) If you've got good lo w cards early, bet heavily to try to drive out possible competitor s and thos e to o weak-hearte d t o stic k aroun d unti l yo u pair up or get bricked on the las t card. Conversely, if you get an early Jack or Queen, down or up, you may want to stick around t o se e i f any on e o f the earl y low hands— who ar e bumpin g to driv e you out—pai r u p o r ge t a bigger brick than your Queen. I'd drop with a pair showing, though. I may be optimistic , but I' m not stupid. WHAT WILL WIN

It's obviousl y tough to ge t fiv e good lo w cards , s o th e winning hand s ar e ofte n 9 - or 10-down . Often a player who pair s u p hi s hol e car d o n th e las t car d wil l win, usually because the onl y person wh o stay s around als o ends u p with a pair. Let's deal ou t a five-card hand. You're Playe r C. Hole cards ar e i n parentheses . FIRST ROUND

Player A: (3
You: (KO) Q* Oh, goo d hand , he sai d sarcastically . Drop as soon as it

116 TH

E GAMES

costs you money to stay in (sorry to lose you so soon on the first hand). PlayerD: (20)Q< ? The deuc e i n th e hol e wil l kee p hi m i n fo r a t leas t another round , provide d stayin g in isn't too expensive . As I've said, a Queen-low can win this game. Dealer: (8*) AA Another nice way to begin. I hav e a n Ac e showing , s o I open. Everyon e calls except you . You drop. SECOND ROUND

Player A: (3
&

A Queen coul d stil l snea k in . I n this game, a lo t of bad hands fol d to o early, leaving only one o r two people left . A Queen , unde r thes e circumstances , coul d win . He'll stay for the time being, as lon g as i t isn't too expensive . Dealer: (8 ) A 6

5-CARD STUD GAMES

117

I'm lookin g very low. I still open ; everyon e call s excep t Player B , who fold s hi s King-low . I deal th e nex t round. THIRD ROUND

Player A: (39?) 2*9*9* A pair of 9s. We'l l jokingly ask i f he want s t o double hi s bet. H e laughs back sarcasticall y an d wil l dro p a s soo n as he has to call a bet .

Player B: Dropped You: Dropped Player D: (20)Q9?7 * 109? A Queen-1 0 lo w isn' t great , bu t h e an d I are th e onl y hands remaining now tha t Player A will fold . I f I pair up , or draw a King , he wins.

Dealer: (8*) A* 69? 79? I have a 7-dow n showing . I still open; Player D calls. We each get one more card . FINAL ROUND

Player D: (20) Q9? 7 A 109? 7* A pai r o f 7s . Bu t h e doesn' t fol d yet—remembe r tha t poker axiom : Neve r fold unti l i t costs you money .

Dealer: (8*) A* 69? 79? A9? A pair o f Aces! An y other car d i n th e deck , an d I would have won. Bu t I squirmed an d go t burned. Player D wins with a pair of 7s low . What did I tell you?

118

THE GAMES

VARIATIONS

Many dealers kee p player s i n this game b y adding buy/ substitutions at th e en d o f the game . Havin g one bu y is the best way to play this game. Anyone who gets one bad card wil l b e incline d t o sta y an d hop e t o replac e th e brick with a better lo w card. I'm not fond o f double or even single substitutions in what is supposed to be a quick and simple game . Much of th e fu n i n thi s gam e i s droppin g with a han d tha t could hav e won—like your hand, since a pair ended u p winning (althoug h i f someone els e ha d staye d in , neither I nor Playe r D would have paired up). There are also better ways of playing five-card stud substitution games, as will be described next .

BUY YOUR CARD/SUBSTITUTION Two down and thre e up are deal t to eac h player befor e an y betting . There ar e thre e rounds o f buy/substitutions , eac h substitution roun d followe d b y a bettin g round. Car d buy s ar e mad e fro m a choic e of thre e expose d communit y cards o r a blind dec k card , price d o n gradua l scale , cheapest farthes t fro m deck , th e blin d deck car d th e mos t expensive . A high/low game.

BASICS

This is a five-card, high/low game i n which a player can buy or substitute cards of his choosing fro m a displayed

5-CARD STUD GAMES

119

group o f u p cards . Bu y Your Card/Substitutio n i s als o one high/lo w game that can b e played with si x or fewe r players. Since the cards a player substitutes i n his hand cost money, the pots gro w large enough to warrant only five participants. Five card s ar e deal t t o eac h player , tw o dow n an d three up, all at one time. Community cards are then dealt out:

(Deck)$l

4 75C

Q 50C

4

25C

As you can see, th e cards are priced on a gradual scale, the cheapes t car d farthes t awa y from the dec k and the expensive one s closer to it. A blind card from the deck is the mos t expensiv e buy . I'v e tagge d thes e card s wit h arbitrary prices , bu t you , o f course, ca n pric e the m a t any level you want, depending on your house stakes . Each player can no w buy a card an d substitut e that card fo r on e i n hi s hand , startin g fro m th e lef t o f th e dealer wit h each playe r buyin g an d substitutin g in se quence. Eac h tim e a car d i s taken , it is replaced b y a card fro m th e deck . I f the firs t playe r take s th e 4 o f diamonds, i t i s replace d fro m th e dec k an d th e nex t player has a choice o f three exposed cards . I f the dealer takes a n expose d card , i t is not replaced unti l th e next buy/substitution round . There are three rounds of these buys, each followe d b y a round of betting. A player must discar d a car d fro m hi s han d befor e receiving a ne w one . T o cut dow n o n confusion , th e dealer should be the only one who can touch the priced cards. Any player reaching for his ow n new card should be smacked o n the wrist and admonished. If a player substitutes one o f his hol e cards, the ne w card become s a hole card. Ever y player should have at

120

THE GAMES

least tw o down card s throughout the game . Blin d dec k cards ar e alway s deal t down , s o a playe r coul d con ceivably en d u p wit h fiv e hole card s i f he substitute s blind deck cards for all his up cards. Buying a deck car d is known as "goin g downtown" or "going fishing." If you buy deck cards in consecutive buy rounds, you're "stay ing downtown. " Novice player s ofte n wil l sta y pat whe n non e o f th e exposed cards can help them. Never stay pat unless you have a grea t hand , o r yo u ar e bluffing . Yo u only hav e three chances to improve your hand—take advantage of all of them. Buy Your Card/Substitution may sound complex , bu t once you play the game, you'll see how simple and fun it is. I t i s als o on e o f th e fe w poke r game s tha t i s trul y strategic. STRATEGY

Buy Your Card/Substitution puts the dealer at a disadvantage: He has to sit and watch a s cards he could use are flipped over, then bough t by other players. But because players bu y exposed cards , a n observan t playe r with a keen memor y wil l do well. You have t o remember wha t cards ar e bough t to kno w what eac h playe r has i n hi s hand. Player s replac e thei r dow n card s b y buyin g u p cards that they turn over int o new hole cards. By watching carefully , i t is possible to know what a player's hand is, even i f he stil l has tw o cards down. Since i t is possible to reckon out what a player has , this gam e expose s a playe r with les s poke r proficiency than his neighbors . This dummy will b e th e only player at th e tabl e no t t o kno w tha t th e gu y who bough t tw o Kings and a Jack to supplement the King and Jack he has showing an d i s no w bumpin g wildly ha s a ful l house . Everyone sa w hi m bu y th e King s an d Jacks , bu t ou r

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121

friend, wit h a flus h showing , hasn't bee n payin g attention an d is , incredibly , bumping bac k th e gu y with th e boat. You can also block an opponent—you can buy a card that you anticipate a n opponen t ca n use . Fo r instance, say you have a low hand, as does the player on your left , who buy s immediatel y after you. The cards showin g are two face card s an d a deuce. You have a deuce and th e player nex t t o yo u doesn't , a t leas t no t showing . Although you already have a deuce, you toss yours and buy that deuc e showing , thereb y stoppin g you r neighbo r from gettin g it and improvin g his low. The sam e strateg y ca n b e use d i f an opponen t i s going high and a card he could use i s flipped up. If there isn't an expose d car d yo u can use , it' s better to buy the card tha t your opponent needs , althoug h it may not help you. Jus t don't expect a Christmas card fro m him. WHAT WILL WIN

Only the best hands will win; a 7-low is the minimum for a low , an d a ful l hous e i s th e usua l minimu m t o wi n high. Mos t player s try to buil d a lo w hand, sinc e ther e are mor e possibilities . As always, ho w peopl e be t an d what peopl e hav e bough t ar e th e bes t indication s of what wil l win. Since a ful l hous e often win s high, don't stay pat i f you're dealt a straight on your first five cards. A straight rarely wins. THE GAME

Let's play the game , based o n what we've alread y dealt. I'll reca p al l th e bettin g afte r th e han d i s completed . You're Playe r C . I am , an d alway s wil l be , th e dealer . Here are the community cards, 4

Q

4

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THE GAMES

and here are each of the players' u p cards, hole cards in parentheses. (Survey the landscape as if you don't know what everyone's hol e cards are; there's always a lull afte r the card s ar e deal t ou t a s everyon e ponder s everyon e else's up cards.) Player A: (6

3 )K

K

8

Player A ha s a pai r o f King s an d a n 8 . He' s probabl y going to go high, looking for a Kings-over boat. Player B: (7

7

)Q 5 2

Player B has a 5 and a deuce showin g wit h the Quee n and th e pai r o f sevens i n the hole . H e has thre e goo d cards to a low, 7-5-2, but he also has a pair. He'll have to wait to see what cards are offered an d what direction the other player s g o in before decidin g t o chase a hig h or low hand. You: (5*50)8 0 8< ? J O You have a pair o f 8s with a Jack up and a pair o f 5s in the hole . Wit h tw o pair , you'll probabl y shoo t fo r th e small boat . Player D: (10

Q

)2

3

9

Player D has a deuce , 3 , an d 9 of diamonds towar d a flush. He also has three to a straight, but he ignores this. A straight is no t goin g to win. He can g o fo r either th e flush o r a lo w hand. He'l l have t o se e wha t card s ar e available when it' s his turn to buy before making a high or low—or fold—decision . Player E: OO

Q )A 2 J

Player E has an Ace and deuce for a low and 10-J-Q- A to a straigh t that can't win . He's next to the dealer, next to

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123

last t o choose , whic h mean s he'l l b e luck y t o ge t any good cards. H e may drop i f there's nothin g great t o buy when it' s his turn.

Dealer: (7

4 )K

8

9

I hav e a 7 , 8, and 9 of spades to th e straigh t flush, and Player A's King. I n fact, I have fou r spade s to th e flush . I look around. No one has up cards that I need t o fill in the straight flush . It' s a lon g shot, bu t that' s why they call it gambling. I also have a 9- or an 8-down, in case I want to change an d g o low. In som e game s there' s a roun d o f bettin g befor e th e community card s ar e deal t up . Bu t we've deal t the m already, so let' s get to the first buy. FIRST BUY ROUND

Here are the community cards again : 4

Player A: (6

3 )K

Q K

4 8

Player A stalls fo r a fe w seconds, the n throw s ou t th e King of spades and take s the 4 of diamonds, the quarter card. Everyon e acts surprise d tha t he' s broke n u p th e pair. W e know, though, that h e ha s a 6 and a 3 i n th e hole. Since he sees that I have one King , and h e doesn' t have another pair , the odds of getting the three cards h e needs for a full hous e are slim. By taking the cheap 4, he can shoo t fo r an 8- 6 low. I flip over a ne w card . 4

Q

10

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THE GAMES

Player B: (7

7

)Q 5 2

Player B tosses hi s deuc e o f spades an d take s th e 50cent card, th e Quee n o f diamonds. A s you can see , h e has a pai r of 7s in the hole . H e now needs onl y a thir d Queen o r 7 fo r th e ful l house , an d h e ha s tw o mor e rounds to ge t one o f them. If Player A's Kings had staye d intact, Player B might have been worried. But his Queens are now the best han d showing . I place a new card i n the 50-cen t slot.

6

4 You: (5

5 )8

10

J

8

You need an 8 or a 5 for the full house . There isn't an 8 or 5 showing , s o yo u tos s i n a dolla r an d you r Jac k o f diamonds an d bu y a blin d card . It' s a 1 0 o f spades , which doesn' t help . Sinc e i t i s a dow n card , however, only you know what it is. You now have three hole cards, though, with a pair of eights showing. Because yo u bough t a dow n card , th e community cards sta y 4

Player D: 00

Q )2

6 3

10

9

Player D discards th e Quee n o f hearts i n th e hol e an d takes th e 1 0 of diamond s fo r a quarter . The 1 0 of diamonds give s hi m a pai r o f 10 s i n th e hol e an d fou r diamonds to the flush. I replace th e quarte r card. 4

6

2

5-CARD STUD GAMES

Q

Player E: (10

)A

2

125

J

Player E drops without buying. As you can see , hi s hol e cards wer e th e Quee n o f spades an d th e 1 0 o f hearts . Player B already has two Queens, s o that leaves just one more, an d Playe r D just bough t a 10 , leaving only two more, whic h lower s th e odd s o f a ful l house . H e also had fou r t o a straight, but Playe r E knows that a straight won't win . Okay , h e coul d hav e bough t th e 4 o f club s and staye d i n to go low, bu t instinc t play s a big role i n these games. H e needed thre e low cards fo r a good low, but with Player A buying low, the odds of more low cards coming hi s wa y were no t good . H e jus t didn' t fee l lik e the cards were goin g to be kind to him. The community cards remai n the sam e 4

Dealer: (7

4

)K

9

6

2

8

I discard th e Kin g of diamonds and tak e the 6 of spades. As you ca n see , m y hole card s ar e th e 4 of spades an d the 7 of spades. I now hav e th e spad e flush , fou r t o a straight flush , an d a 9-8 low. If I see I' m not going to get the straight flush and tha t a flush isn't going to win, I can always bail out by ducking the 9 and tryin g to go low. The first buying round is over. I do not replace the 50cent car d tha t I just bough t unti l th e bettin g roun d i s over. Exposin g the ne w 50-cen t car d woul d giv e an ad vantage to the player who makes the first buy on the next round. SECOND ROUND

After the roun d of betting is completed, I flip over a card to fill out the community group .

126

THE GAMES

4

Player A: (6

3 )K

A

2 8

4

Player A doesn't hesitate . H e tosses hi s Kin g o f heart s and pay s hi s 5 0 cents fo r the ne w Ace of diamonds. As you can see from his hole cards, he now has a very nice 8-6-4-3-A low. I flip a ne w 50-cen t card . 4

Player B: (7

7 )Q

4

2

5

That's a lot of low cards. Player B, with two pair, Queens over 7s , throws in his 5 of hearts an d a dollar and I give him a deck card. He's looking for a third Queen or a third 7 for the boat. He gets a Jack of clubs, which stays down , so all he now has showin g is the pair of Queens. The community group remains the same . 4

You: (5

5

10 )8

4

2

8

You can't use any of the showing cards, so you toss your down 1 0 of spades an d pa y a dolla r fo r another blin d card jus t like last round . You pick u p a n Ac e o f clubs . Nice card, but no help for your tugboat. The community group remains unchange d again. 4

Player D: (10

10 ) 2

4 3

2 9

Player D throws awa y his 1 0 of clubs hol e card and als o

5-CARD STUD GAME S

127

asks fo r a blin d dolla r card. H e get s a 6 of diamonds, completing hi s flush, although onl y he knows it. Still n o changes i n the community cards, sinc e there have been thre e straight blind buys off the deck . 4

4

2

Player E: Folded Dealer: (7

)6

4

9

8

I alread y have the flush , th e 5 of spades fo r my straigh t flush isn' t showing, and th e 1 0 of spades, unbeknownst to me , ha s alread y bee n discarde d b y you. I stay pat . Someone whistle s their surprise . N o one stay s pa t un less they'v e go t a finishe d hand , rar e b y th e secon d round. FINAL BUY ROUND

Here are the community cards again. 4

Player A: (6

3

)A

4 4

2 8

Player A tosses the 8 of clubs and pay s a quarter for the deuce o f hearts. He now has 6-4-3-2-A , a perfect low . He really didn't need to buy the deuce—he's the only player showing a lo w hand—bu t Playe r D , with th e diamon d flush showing, also had a 2 and a 3 showing and could easily replace the 9 with one of the remaining 4s to make a nic e lo w hand. N o sense gambling , s o t o speak ; h e spent a quarte r fo r th e perfec t lo w an d a n insuranc e policy. I flip over a new quarte r card.

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THE GAMES

4

4

A

Yeeps. Another Ace. Player B: (7

7

J

)Q Q

Player B groans sinc e h e know s he can' t us e th e ne w Ace. He throws in his Jack of clubs from th e hole and a dollar an d take s anothe r blin d card . H e get s a 3 of spades. It's not a 7 or a Queen. He's not happy because all he has i s two lousy pair, Queens over. And if a straight can't win this game, two pair sure won't. The cards remain the same 4

You: (5

5

A )8

4

A

8

You can't use the Ace of spades either, since two pair will not bea t eithe r of the tw o flushe s showing . You toss i n your ow n Ace and a dolla r an d als o bu y a blin d car d hoping for a 5 or an 8 to fill in your boat. You get a 9 of hearts. No help. The cards remai n the same

Player D: (6

4

4

A

10 ) 2

3

9

There are n o hig h diamonds showing. With the 10-hig h diamond flush, he stays pat . Player E: Folded The cards remain the sam e 4

4

A

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Dealer: (74 44) 66 94 84 Now, I already hav e th e spad e flush , bu t it' s not straight and i t is only a 9-high flush. Player D with the diamon d flush ha s a 9 showing , bu t I know h e bough t a 1 0 of diamonds earlier, so I know he ha s m e beat. I chuck m y 4 i n the hol e an d pa y a quarte r fo r the Ac e of spades, which I flip down a s on e o f my hole cards . Player A has the Ac e o f diamond s showing , s o I kno w Playe r D doesn't have it as one o f his hole cards, and I know that I now have the higher flush. What I don't know is if you or Player B filled in your respective boats .

FINAL BETTING ROUND

The fina l buyin g roun d i s over ; no w th e fina l bettin g round begins . First , let' s tak e a loo k a t everyone' s fina l hands. Player A: (6* 3
Player B: (7* 70 34) Q* QO Two pair, Queens over. You: (5*50 9
Player D: (60 100)20 30 90 A 10-hig h flush .

Player E: Folded Dealer: (74 A A) 64 94 84 An Ace-high flush .

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Player B's pair of Queens i s still the bes t han d showing. He checks. Wit h a tiny two pair, so do you. Player D with the diamond flush also checks—he saw you buy the Ace and know s he can't win. With Playe r B an d yo u checking , I know neithe r of you have th e boats. I open for the maximum. Player A, the onl y low hand, bumps . Player B now drops. S o do you. Player D, with the diamond flush, looks at me and a t his cards, the n also drops . I cal l Playe r A' s raise . There' s n o sens e raisin g again—it i s apparen t tha t w e wil l spli t th e pot . Gam e over. There are onl y two of us left , s o we joke about wh o will declar e hig h an d wh o wil l declar e lo w to n o one' s amusement bu t ou r own . Playe r A bumped last , so h e declares firs t an d goe s low . I declare high . W e fold u p our card s withou t revealing them—no on e pai d t o se e them—and spli t the pot . THE PUNCH LINE

Before I collecte d al l th e card s t o dea l ou t th e nex t sample hand , I flippe d ove r th e nex t dec k car d t o se e what th e nex t car d was . I t was th e 5 o f spades, which would hav e give n m e a straigh t flush. No kidding. C'est la vie. VARIATION

If the buyin g of cards seem s too slo w or complex, there is a variation of this game called Substitution. As in Buy Your Card/Substitution , five card s ar e deal t t o eac h player, tw o dow n an d thre e up . Bu t instea d o f givin g players communit y card s t o choos e from , th e deale r simply deals a new , blind card fro m th e to p of the dec k after eac h playe r discards a card . I f the playe r discard s

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an u p card , th e ne w car d i s turne d up . I f the playe r discards a down card, the new card stay s down . Let's tak e th e gam e w e jus t deal t a s a n example . Here's the original deal: Player A: (6* 3
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be playe d b y u p t o te n players , i f yo u hav e a larg e enough table . The final permutation of this Buy Your Card idea is to deal two cards to each player. Additional cards are dealt off th e to p o f th e deck , a s i n Substitution , instead o f offering a choice. That's a total of four variation s within one game . Ad d in that all the Bu y Your Card games ca n be played with a single winner, all high, or all low. That's now 1 2 different game s withi n one gam e format . And it's still early i n the book. No version o f Buy Your Card/Substitution is designe d for purveyor s o f derelic t poker . I t require s to o muc h brainpower fo r someon e wh o ha s spen t th e las t tw o hours shootin g Wild Turkey.

WILD KINGS (AKA ROVING KINGS) High/low game . On e hol e car d i s deal t t o each player . Eac h playe r the n choose s from a singl e exposed communit y card o r a blin d dec k card , wit h betting after eac h selection round . There' s a singl e buy/ substitution afte r fina l round . King s are wild, bu t onl y i n hig h hands .

BASICS

Roving King s i s a cousi n o f Buy Your Card , without the actual buyin g part—al l card s ar e free . Eac h playe r receives one card down. The dealer sets the deck down on the table an d flips over one card, turning it face up nex t

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to th e deck . Startin g fro m th e lef t o f th e dealer , eac h player choose s t o tak e eithe r th e expose d card—th e player says "card " o r names th e expose d car d a s i n "I'll take th e Jack"—o r a blin d car d fro m th e deck—th e player say s "deck " o r "dec k me. " Ever y card th e playe r receives i s turne d up , regardles s o f whic h car d h e chooses. Each player should en d up with only one down card, the first one dealt to him, and fou r u p cards . Once ever y playe r ha s chose n a card , ther e i s a round of betting. After each player has five cards, there is a buy/substitutio n round. I n ou r game , w e charg e 5 0 cents for the new card. If a player discards his hole card, he get s a dow n car d back . I f he tosse s an y o f his u p cards, h e gets an up card back . There is a final round of betting, then a declare. The kicker in this game is that all Kings are wild, but only i n a hig h hand . King s ar e simpl y King s i n a lo w hand, and therefor e of little value. STRATEGY

You nee d t o get at leas t thre e cards t o see whether your hand i s goin g nowhere fast . Th e substitution roun d al lows you to have one car d tha t doesn't fit in your hand. If a lo w car d i s expose d i n th e firs t round , tak e i t unless you're lucky enough t o have gotten a Kin g in the hole o r th e expose d car d matche s you r hole car d an d gives you a pair. It's good t o g o high early in this gam e because most players go with the odds and tr y for a low hand. If yo u accidentall y pai r u p whil e collectin g lo w cards, o r i f you hav e a hig h car d i n th e hole , yo u ca n always discard i t in the substitution round. Take all Aces, since they can b e used eithe r high or low. Take Kings early in the game , even i f you have a lo w

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card in the hole. This keeps your high/low options open. You may want to go high if you pair up your hole card or if you ge t another King. If you en d u p with all lo w cards, you ca n discar d th e Kin g i n th e substitutio n round. Bypass King s in late r rounds if you're lookin g for low cards. Nines ar e crumm y cards i n thi s game , sinc e the y aren't low or very high. The only time someone takes a 9 is when he' s go t one i n th e hol e o r he' s working o n a straight or flush. WHAT WILL WIN

Count o n a n leas t a flus h o r a ful l hous e t o wi n thi s game. Kings , however , are onl y wild i n hig h hands , s o the lo w hand s hav e nothin g artificia l t o improv e them and don't need t o be that low to win low. THE GAME

Let's run through a game to give you a better feel for it. I, the dealer, deal everyone a down card. For the purposes of our demonstration, I'l l show you the down cards and follow th e strategies . I'll deal six hands. You be Playe r B this time. Some dealer s squeez e a roun d o f bettin g i n afte r each player gets a down card and before the first card is exposed. We won't do that. Here are the six down cards, with the first chosen u p card decisions. FIRST ROUND

The first up card i s a 2

Player A: (4 ) Player A, with a low 4, takes the deuce .

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The next card dea l up is

3*

You: (J
34 Player D: (A
QV Player E: (8 A) Player E, with an 8 , isn't interested i n the Queen, s o h e takes a dec k card . It' s a Quee n anyway , the Quee n of clubs. Dealer: (K*) I no w hav e to mak e a decision . I would have taken the exposed Quee n o f clubs sinc e 1 have a wil d Kin g an d everyone els e ha s lo w cards. Bu t Player E just go t an-

136

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other Queen , minimizin g m y chance s o f gettin g additional Queens. I'l l take the deck card. Lucky me, I got the 9 of clubs. At least I know that if another 9 shows up , n o one else will want it. That complete s th e firs t round . I f I ha d take n th e Queen, I would not have exposed anothe r card unti l we were read y t o choose again. Normally , there' s a betting round here, but I'll wrap up the betting at the end of the hand. SECOND ROUND

The card showin g is still

Q

Player A: (4*) 20 Player A doesn't wan t the Queen , he wants a lo w card. He opts for the deck card. It's another 4 , the 4 of hearts. He doesn't lik e this, since i t pairs him up , but t o everyone els e it' s just anothe r lo w card. Hi s other 4 is in th e hole, where no one else can see it, so he can bluff . You: (J
You don't want the Queen either, so you also take a deck card. It's a 6 of spades. Like Player A, you have two low cards showing, so you're still in it. Player C: (AA) 3* Player C doesn't want the exposed Queen. I deck him. A wild Kin g — the Kin g of diamonds. He has a n Ac e in th e hole, so he has a pair of Aces, always a nice pair to work with. He can also stay low and ditch the wild King in the substitution round.

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Player D: (A
Dealer: (K*) 9* A Jack doe s me no good. A pair of Jacks i s not going to beat th e Queen s sittin g to my right. I should hav e taken that first Queen. N o time for regrets now . I flip myself a deck card. It's the 3 of diamonds. I f I discard the Kin g in the buy/substitutio n round, I will onl y have a 9-down . I don't thin k I' m goin g t o sta y i n thi s gam e to o muc h longer. Now there's a round of betting. THIRD ROUND

The exposed car d i s still JO

Player A: (4*) 20 4
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You: (J
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FOURTH ROUND

No one i s going to want the exposed Jack of diamonds, so I'l l stop pointing out that it' s available. Everyon e will take a blind deck card . Player A , wit h onl y a pai r o f 4s , droppe d i n th e betting round when I, with trip 9s, and Playe r D, with th e great 7-4 low hand, both starte d t o raise.

You: (J
Dealer: (K*) 9* 30 90 2V I ge t a deuce of hearts, which doesn't hel p my trip 9s. I

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still hav e a chance for high, depending on what I get in the substitution round. This bettin g round would determine who ha s what. For the sake of this fantasy hand, everyone except Player A stayed i n —even you, although it looks as thoug h you have no chance to win. SUBSTITUTION ROUND

Now the fu n begins. Your only chance t o win i s if Player E i s bluffin g th e boat . Yo u toss on e o f your card s —it doesn't matter , so let' s say the 3 of hearts — and take the exposed Jack of diamonds. Yo u now have You: (J
trip Jacks. I expose a WV

Player C: (AA) 3* KO 5 A 7V The 1 0 doesn't do Playe r C any good, sinc e he needs a low card. H e tosses the wild Kin g and get s a deck card . Player C: (AA) 3* QA 5 A 7V A Queen ! A thir d expose d Quee n mean s th e odd s o f Player E's having a Queen's full boa t shrink considerably. You ar e buoye d b y this revelation . Trip Jacks i s lookin g mighty good . I fli p ove r 4

Player D: (A
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Queen. H e doesn't need the 4, or any card. He' s got an 8-7-down, th e sur e bes t lo w hand , an d wil l walk . H e stays pat.

Player E: (8A) Q* QO 5* 50 Player E is now in a quandary. He looks at your hand. He knows you took a Jack, which mean s yo u had t o hav e either a Jack or a King in the hole, and that beats his two pair. Playe r E looks a t m y two exposed 9 s and know s I raised, s o I have at least three 9s. He could gamble, not take a card that would tel l people he has the boat, an d bluff. Bu t he know s that we won't both drop, especially in a low-stakes game. Plus, I haven't made a substitution yet. Staying pat i s too much o f a gamble, so he decides to take a deck card. Afte r all, it's a down card, so he can still bluf f th e boa t if he doesn't get another Quee n o r 5, based o n wha t I pull. Playe r E ducks hi s hol e card an d gets a deck card down. He tugs at it, then peeks . Player E: (Q
Dealer: (K*) 9* 30 90 2V My turn. I don't know he's pulled the Queen. I need a 9, a King, o r a match o f my other two cards t o giv e me a ful l house. As I look around, I can se e tw o 3s other than my own expose d 3 , bu t n o deuces . S o I toss th e 3 of diamonds and take a deck card.

Dealer: (K*) 9* 100 90 2V I get a 1 0 of diamonds. Expletiv e deleted . Player E bets a s i f he doesn' t hav e th e Queen-high boat, which keeps bot h you and m e i n the game. Player

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E know s tha t Playe r D will d o al l th e necessar y raising because he is guaranteed hal f the pot with the best—and only—low hand . Player D declares low. Player E calls high. So do I, so do you . W e turn ou r card s over , Playe r E shows u s hi s Queen i n the hole. You and I scream, then strangle him. We're bad losers .

DO YA Initial hol e car d i s wild fo r each player . Each playe r choose s on e o f three expose d cards, offere d on e a t a time . A player mus t take th e thir d exposed car d i f he refuse d the previou s two . Subsequen t player s ca n choose fro m th e remainin g cards o r tak e the thir d offere d card . Expose d card s ar e cleared afte r eac h selectio n round , which is followe d b y round s o f betting.

BASICS

Do Y a is a five-car d stu d gam e i n whic h eac h player' s hole card is wild for his hand. After a down card i s dealt, each player is given a choice of three cards, offered on e at a time . Th e player ma y refuse th e first two but must take the third. If he doesn't like the third card, he can't go back and choos e one of the previous offerings . H e must take the third card. The nex t playe r ca n tak e on e o f the card s th e pre vious player didn't choose or receive additiona l choices

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until th e thir d car d i s dealt . Afte r al l player s receiv e a card, the remaining common card s ar e placed under the deck—called "ducking"—an d a betting round ensues. The name D o Ya stems fro m th e dealer's quer y when he turns up each card. H e asks the player to whom each card i s offered : "D o ya?" as i n "Do you want this card? " STRATEGY

If a player chooses a strange card—suc h as a 7 or some other card fro m th e middle of the spectrum—that's probably hi s wil d hol e card . Knowin g an opponent' s wil d card isn' t alway s a n advantage . Sa y you'r e sittin g t o someone's right , an d hi s wil d car d i s offered t o you. Do you play defense an d tak e his wild card , o r do you play your own hand? This is where the fun of the game comes in. Do Ya offers eithe r very big pots o r very small ones. If two or three player s pai r up thei r hol e card s i n the first rounds, there'll be a lot of betting. But if one player gets a good han d early , all the othe r players will check t o him. A player who doesn' t ge t a decen t pai r to star t of f with should dro p immediately , especially i f anothe r playe r obviously gets a second wild card. WHAT WILL WIN

Because a player gets a choice of cards and can pick out his ow n wil d car d fro m thos e offered , fou r o f a kin d i s the mos t frequen t winnin g hand.

THE GAME

You b e Playe r A this time. Remember, each hol e car d i s wild for each person.

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FIRST ROUND

You: (340 You choose. I first deal u p a 40

and politel y ask, "Do ya?" A 4 doesn't hel p your 3 in the hole, s o yo u politel y answer , "No , than k you , Mr. Wolpin." (Always be polite to the dealer. He's a temperamental sor t an d yo u wouldn' t wan t t o confus e him. ) Next to the 4 of diamonds, I deal up a 40 QO

"Do ya?" I ask. This is a decent hig h card, an d th e odd s of getting a 3 are slim , so you say, "Yes, I will, Mr. Wolpin, thank you," and I gently place the Queen o n top of your hole card . You r hole car d i s wild, s o you have a pair of Queens. Some o f the players may believe you chose the Queen t o pai r up a Quee n i n the hol e t o giv e you two wild cards . Whe n you r opponents speculat e ou t loud , you either encourage o r discourage thi s belief, depend ing on your betting plans. There is a 40

exposed that you didn't want. Player B: (70) Player B doesn' t wan t th e 4 o f diamonds . H e want s another 7 or a high card. I turn up a

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145

40 K *

This is higher than a Queen, s o he takes i t to give him a pair of Kings, with the 7 wild. The same spirited speculation about th e value of his wild hole card ensues . The 40 is still exposed. Player C: (AA ) Player C got an Ace down, which is not a great hole card . The Ac e i s wil d an d i s rendered , fo r al l intent s an d purposes, useless . You cannot ge t four Aces unless you get the m naturally , but the n you' d hav e fiv e o f a kind. Neither possibility is likely, however. Regardless , the 4 of diamonds i s also useless, s o I show you a 40 5< ?

This is no good , either . I then turn up a 40 5
which Playe r C must take. He is relieved to get a decen t high card, eve n though Player B also has a King . There i s now exposed.

40 5V

Player D: (80) Player D wants neithe r th e 4 o f diamonds no r th e 5 of hearts; h e want s a n 8 o r a n Ace , sinc e tw o player s

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behind hi m alread y hav e Kings . H e mus t tak e th e nex t card I turn up, which i s a 40 5 V 2V

He's no t happy wit h this card, sinc e h e no w has onl y a pair of deuces. There i s still 40 59?

exposed. Player E: (79? ) Player E obviously doesn't know that Player B has a 7 in the hole , an d h e doesn' t want eithe r the 4 of diamond s or the 5 of hearts, so h e als o must tak e th e nex t car d I turn up. It's an 40 59 ? 8A

also not a great card, bu t he must take it. Player E has a pair of 8s. There i s still 40 59 ?

exposed. Dealer: (50 ) I, with a 5 in the hole, want the exposed 5 of hearts. This, of course lets everyone kno w that my wild hole card i s a 5. No on e wante d th e 4 o f diamonds . I duck i t befor e the betting round , whic h follows .

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147

SECOND ROUND

You: (340QO I fli p u p a 60

for you . I ask, "D o ya?" The 6 is no help . You want either a 3 to pair up the wild card or another Queen. I flip over a 60 5*

Ah, the D o Ya quandary. I can us e th e 5 , since I have tw o of the m already , an d yo u know it . However, a 5 doesn't help you. It's every man fo r himself in this round. You opt for th e thir d card. I t is a 60 5 * 9< ?

which doesn' t help. You still hav e jus t a pair of Queens . There i s 60 5 *

exposed. Player B: (70) K* Player B sees the writing on the wall. He can't use eithe r of the exposed cards. He takes a third card, a 60 5* 20

that Playe r D could use .

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THE GAMES

There i s still 60 5 *

exposed. Player C: (AA) KV Player C makes th e ultimat e sacrifice . Neithe r yo u no r Player B got cards tha t coul d help , a s fa r as h e knows . Players D and E both hav e crumm y cards showing. Th e best chance Player C has is to knock me out, so he take s the expose d 5 o f clubs. Th e othe r player s applaud . "Yeah, i f it' s suc h a grea t move, " Playe r C growl s t o everyone, "wh y didn't you d o it. " The other player s ar e too relieve d to care. I am fuming . There is a 60

exposed. Player D: (80) 2< ? Player D, with the 8 and the 2, doesn't want the 6.1 flip a 60 JO

Nope. H e must no w take the third card, which turn s out to be a 60 JO 7 A

Both Playe r B and Playe r E , with 7 s i n th e hole , curs e silently to themselves. Playe r D curses audibly. He has a wonderful pai r of 7s.

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The 60 JO are exposed. Player E: (7
—a lovely 7! Player E allows a smile to flit across his fac e but groans ou t loud for effect. H e now has three 8s. Only I can hav e a better hand. There is still 60 JO

exposed. Dealer: (50)5< ? I could tak e the Jack to give me three of a kind. I decide to gamble , esche w th e expose d Jack , an d fli p ove r a third card. I get a 60 JO 2*

so now I have thre e deuces. Wonderful . I duc k th e expose d Jac k an d 6 . Th e bettin g round follows.

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THE GAME S

THIRD ROUND

You: (340 QO 9< ?

I turn to you, assuming that you didn't fold i n the betting round, and turn up a

QA which yo u immediatel y accept. Yo u now hav e thre e Queens. A pair i s showing , an d th e pric e o f poker, a s some wisenheime r wil l undoubtedl y pronounce , i s about to go up. As you too k th e firs t car d offered , ther e are n o ex posed cards. Player B: ( 7 0 ) K * 20 I turn u p a 5A

I mutter underneath my breath, since I have a feeling that the 5 , my wild 5, is not goin g to reac h me . Playe r B, as selfish a s he was the last tim e a 5 came up, refuses th e new 5. 1 flip up a 5A J A

Nope. I give him th e thir d card, a 5A J4kQ
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5A JA exposed. Player C: (AA) K< ? 5 * Player C, who already has one of my 5s, takes this one a s well. He now has thre e 5s. Bastard. Only th e

JA is exposed. PlayerD: ( 8 0 ) 2 < ? 7 A Player D doesn't wan t the expose d Jack . I flip u p a JA 6
No help there. I give him a third card, a JA 6 10* which doesn't help . Player D will also drop. There is now JA 6< ?

exposed. Player E: (7
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He now has three Aces and couldn't be happier, except if he had gotte n anothe r 7 or 8. There i s still JA 6< ?

exposed.

Dealer: (50) 5
JA6V9A for tri p 9s, my advantage slowl y slipping away. I duck the Jack and th e 6 for the betting round. FINAL ROUND

You: (34) QO 9
8V that you know Player E can use . Bu t if you pick up a 3 or a Queen, you can bea t him, no matter how many stupid 8s he has. I f you take the 8 to play defense, you'll lose to a highe r thre e o f a kind , whic h someon e i s sur e t o have —like Playe r E , wit h hi s hidde n thre e Aces . You refuse th e 8. 1 turn up a 8V 104

Nope. I give you a

89? 10A J*

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You know now you can't win, but no one els e does. You could have a Jack as your hole card. You keep silent and wait to see what happens. Player B, with nothing in his hand, has folded . There is now

8\? 104 exposed. Player C: (A4) KV 5* 54 Player C knows he's not going to get another 5; he knows I hav e tw o o f them. He need s a n Ac e fo r fou r 5s , o r a t least a Kin g fo r a ful l house , s o h e doesn' t wan t th e exposed 8 or 10. 1 give him a 8
which doesn't make you or him very happy. There is still 8
exposed. Player D has folded . Player E: (7
104 exposed.

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THE GAME S

Dealer: (50)59 ? 2* 94 k There is only one card that I can win with, and that's a 9. I mutter that I don't want the exposed 10 , and fli p u p a 104 109?

another 10 . The game has com e dow n to the las t card. I turn i t up.

10* 109? AO An Ace. I've lost. Here's what the final hands loo k like. You: (3*) QO 99 ? Q A J*

Trip Queens . Player B: Folded Player C: (AA) K9? 5* 5A 30 Trip 5s . Player D: Folded Player E: (79?) 8* 7* A* 89? Four 8s . Dealer: (50) 59? 2* 9* AO Trip Aces. You check, and Playe r C checks. Playe r E and hi s fou r 8s open . I call, not knowin g that he paire d up hi s wil d card, but now suspecting it since he opened. Someone' s got t o kee p hi m honest . You fold. Playe r C folds. I lose again.

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155

VARIATIONS

There ar e non e tha t I've run across , bu t I have been i n several game s i n which the dealer mad e this a high/low game. I didn't think Do Ya would work high/low. In fact, I was quit e vocal i n this opinion. We played it, and i t was fine. I n fac t i t wa s bette r tha n all-hig h becaus e mor e people staye d in. So much for being an expert .

PUSH All card s ar e deal t dow n t o eac h player. Each playe r chooses t o eithe r kee p o r "push" ever y down car d t o hi s neighbor and ge t a ne w car d fro m th e dealer . Can be playe d all-high , all-low , o r high/low .

BASICS

Push is a cross betwee n Do Ya and Pas s the Trash, which is described next . Each player gets to choose whether to keep each down card dealt him or "push" it along to his neighbor and accep t a secon d choice . I f he pushes th e card, h e get s a ne w dow n car d fro m th e dealer . I f the dealer pushes hi s ow n card, it goes to the bottom of the deck. All cards are dealt down, and each playe r turns up the card o f his choice befor e eac h bettin g round so that each player ends up with one card dow n and fou r card s up. STRATEGY

To avoid letting your neighbor know your hand, keep on e of the card s you're dealt from th e deale r down, even if it

156

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means turning up a pair. Cards are passed from player to player. Player s notice where card s end up. If a card that has been seen by everyone doesn' t get turned up by the player who keep s it , everyone will know his hole card, or at leas t thos e peopl e wh o passe d tha t particula r car d will know . It's better to try to keep one car d secre t fro m everyone a t the table . WHAT WILL WIN

This is a norma l five-card stud hand, but because ther e is a sligh t elemen t o f choic e i n exposin g cards , th e winning hand s wil l b e slightl y bette r tha n the y would had the hand bee n dealt as a normal one down, fou r up five-card stu d hand . THE GAME

I'll deal out a six-handed gam e for high/low to illustrate. You are Playe r B. I'll keep the hol e cards i n parentheses . FIRST ROUND

Player A: 8 A This i s no t suc h a goo d car d fo r either a hig h o r a low hand. Everyon e will pas s thi s card . Th e deale r deal s Player A another card : Player A: 3
You: K * for th e star t of a high hand. Player C passes the 84 and gets a

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Player C: 64 to start a good lo w hand. Player D doesn't want the 84 and gets a Player D: 5 0 toward a low. Player E doesn't want the 84, and gets a Player E: 44 for anothe r lo w hand . I certainly don't want what n o on e els e wanted, so I duck the 84 and get a Dealer: 60 Now there is a betting round. SECOND ROUND

Player A: (3^)30 A pair o f 3s i s no t suc h a goo d hand , hig h or low . He passes the second 3, knowing this could giv e someone a strong low hand, and gets a Player A: (3
You: (K*) 109? for th e star t of a hig h straight. You flip up th e 10 . Player C likes the 3 of diamonds. Since he knows that Player A and yo u have seen it , he flip s i t up.

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Player C: (6 A) 30 Player D gets a Player D: (50)49 ? which he flips up to maintain the fantasy of a perfect low. If he flipped up the 5, the best lo w he could have would be a 6-5. Player E gets a Player E: (4 A) 90 which i s not good fo r a low, so he pushes i t to me and gets bac k a Player E: (44) 10 A for a possibl e flush . H e could kee p th e 1 0 in the hol e and flip up the 4 to show a low hand, but there are plenty of other low hands showing , so he decides t o display a high hand . The 9 of diamond s give s me a possible flush , bu t a flush i s going to be toug h to get. I decide to keep going for a low. I duck the 9 and giv e myself a Dealer: (60)K9 ? To maintain the illusio n of the low , I keep the Kin g in th e hole and tur n over the 6. A betting round follows .

THIRD ROUND

I deal Player A a

Player A: (39?) 70 99 ? which is too high. He pushes i t to you and get s a

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Player A: (3 9?) 70 8* which is still low. He keeps the 8 in the hole and turns up the 3 for a better low showing. The 9 , however , fit s i n your straight , so yo u kee p i t and fli p i t up You: (K*) 10
to provide the illusion of a straight flush. Player C is dealt a Player C: (64)30 54k which he keeps as a down card. He flips up the 6 to also maintain the illusion of a perfect low. Player D gets a Player D: (50)4
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FOURTH ROUND

I deal Playe r A a

Player A: (8*) 70 3^ ? 10 0 which is not low. He pushes th e 1 0 to you and get s back a

Player A: (8*) 70 3V J* which i s eve n worse. H e exposes the 8 and make s th e Jack his hole card to keep a low showing. The 10 , however , gives you a pair . You think to yourself that drawing two cards to an insid e straight may not be such a hot idea, so you keep the 1 0 up, so you can bet double th e ant e an d possibl y driv e the othe r potential high hands ou t of the game .

You: (K4) 109? 9V 100 Player C is dealt a

Player C: (54)30 64 A* That's a great low. He decides to keep the Ace down and flips up the 5. Player D gets a Player D: (50)4
Player E: (K4) 104 44 64 which is of no help. He passes the 6 and get s a

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Player E: (KA) 10* 44 8 0 which isn' t any help, either. I dropped . The bettin g roun d follows . Now , under norma l circumstances, Player s A and E have littl e to sta y for. Neither playe r ha s a pair , an d you are goin g t o be raising , with your pai r o f 10 s showing, a s wil l Player s C and D , with thei r lows . Bu t because there's onl y on e car d left , we'll kee p bot h player s in . FINAL ROUND

Player A is lookin g to a t leas t ge t a pai r of Jacks. I deal him a Player A: (8*) 70 3
You: (K*) 10
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Player D: (50) 4
Player E: (KA) 10* 4A 80 QO another Queen . He'l l drop when the bet gets to him. Since Player s A and E both dropped , you'l l win high automatically—your first win. Congratulations. The real contest here , obviously , i s betwee n Player s C an d D . They're both raising, Player C because he knows h e ha s a bette r lo w hand, Playe r D hoping tha t Playe r C has a high car d i n th e hol e an d ca n b e bluffe d out . Whe n Player C shows his Ace, he'll probably get a ligh t round of golfer's applause fro m th e group . A 6-5-3-2-A is a great low on just five cards. VARIATIONS

Push ca n als o be playe d wit h a buy/substitutio n round. After th e five-car d stu d i s completed , eac h playe r dis -

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cards, receive s on e down card, then keeps or pushes the additional card . Or, the pus h featur e can b e done away with and the new card dealt as in any other buy/substitution round. I don't like either version.

PASS THE TRASH Each playe r receive s seve n dow n cards , passes thre e t o hi s neighbor , discard s two , then roll s card s i n a norma l five-card stud fashion. Al l these maneuver s ar e punctuated b y bettin g rounds . In th e Jun e 198 8 issu e o f Playboy, columnis t an d Ne w York poke r playe r Gen e Ston e relate d ho w h e an d hi s buddy got the ide a to go to Las Vegas and challeng e the winner of the Worl d Series of Poker to a game of Pass th e Trash, the fav e gam e a t Stone's house . Stone goe s on to relate ho w h e an d hi s buddie s bea t th e nonchalan t world poker champ ou t of a minor bankroll inside of half an hour . I can understan d wh y they chose this game t o challenge the world champ. Pas s the Tras h i s one o f the few low-stakes game s in which bluffin g an d bettin g style plays a key role in deciding the winner. The gam e Ston e an d hi s cronie s bea t th e worl d champ a t i s probably similar to th e gam e I am abou t t o describe, o r on e o f severa l variations . As I discuss th e game, you'l l notic e severa l place s wher e yo u ca n per sonalize it . I'll cover som e of variations at the en d o f the fantasy hand .

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BASICS

Each playe r get s seve n cards , al l down . Afte r a n initia l betting round , eac h playe r places down thre e card s he doesn't like—th e trash—i n fron t o f hi s chips . Afte r al l the players hav e chosen their three tras h cards, they are passed to the left . Playe r A's cards go to Player B, and s o on until the dealer passes his trash t o Player A. No new cards are taken from th e deck. There is another round of betting. After the betting round, everyone discards tw o cards, leaving each player with five. Then everybod y set s their cards i n th e sequenc e i n which the y will b e revealed . Once this sequence is set, i t cannot be changed. Everyone the n roll s on e card , followe d by a betting round, a roll, a bettin g round , an d s o o n i n a norma l five-card stud fashion , until eac h playe r ha s onl y one hol e car d and fou r up cards. If you are playing high/low, there is a declare round , the n anothe r roun d o f betting . O r not , depending o n your house high/low preference . STRATEGY

Anyone deal t a pa t five-card hand o n th e initia l seven card dea l i s in trouble. He's going to have to pass one of those goo d card s t o hi s neighbor . Th e ke y i s t o re member wha t you passed to your neighbor, so when h e starts rollin g cards you have at least a n ide a o f what h e will b e holding . Goo d hig h hand s t o g o fo r ar e lo w flushes an d straights—lo w card s tha t appea r a s i f they are straights or flushes will keep people guessing as you roll cards, i f you are playin g a high/lo w game. Don' t go low unless you hav e an Ace in your hand . No one wil l pass you one . There i s a lo t o f bluffin g i n Pas s th e Trash , mor e bluffing tha n in any other neighborhood poker game I've

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run across. Each bet made durin g the stud rounds must be made with conviction. One false move, one hesitanc y in a bet, and everyone knows you don't have what you're pretending to b e flippin g over . If you only have two pair, you'll expose both pairs eventually, keeping the fifth card hidden. You have to bet lik e you have the ful l house , or everyone wil l know you don't. Two pair showing, by the way, is easier to bluff a ful l house wit h than three of a kind showing. Once you turn over th e thir d o f a kind , everyone wil l kno w what your best possible full house can be. Showing three of a kind while trying to bluf f th e boat i s like hanging a sig n that says: " I only hav e thre e o f a kind . I f anyone ha s a ful l house, pleas e tak e my money." No one who has a ful l house i s goin g t o bluf f b y showing thre e o f a kind . Anyone wit h onl y tw o pai r wil l drop . I f you'r e go t a winning hand, you don't want to chase people out ; you want t o kee p the m i n s o yo u ca n tak e thei r money . Anyone with a higher full house will beat your pants off . In th e end , o f course, th e bes t han d wil l stil l win . Once someone has invested s o much mone y in a hand, it's toug h to bluff hi m out with only one o r two rounds of betting left . Th e fu n i s seein g wh o wa s tryin g t o bluf f whom. WHAT WILL WIN

Try to stay in the gam e a s lon g as you can i f you have a decent hand . N o one get s "new " cards—only someon e else's rejects—an d ther e wil l alway s b e bluffers ; th e hands ar e onl y slightl y bette r tha n you' d ge t i n a stan dard seven-car d stu d game. Th e nervou s type s ca n b e easily bluffe d out , s o you r two pair, Aces up , ma y beat what wa s a lo w boa t hel d b y th e sweatin g gu y wh o couldn't take the suspense an d dropped out .

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THE GAME

Here's a six-handed, high/low affair. Yo u be Playe r A.

DEAL

All cards are down . You: 9< ? K* 3< ? Q O J O 9 0 7 *

You've go t al l hig h cards , thre e t o a diamon d straigh t flush—9-J-Q—and a pair of 9s. You keep these four cards and pu t th e Kin g 3 , an d 7 int o a pil e i n fron t o f your chips. (Yo u might have set your sights lower and kep t the 9-J-Q-K fo r th e possibl e straight . A pair o f 9 s i s hal f of four o f a kind. You like to shoot fo r the stars.)

Player B: 5* 10* 30 7 0 QV J* 74 He has 10-J- Q to a straight, a pair of 7s—nothing, really. He keeps the pai r of 7s and th e 5 and 3 ; two cards to a high, thre e cards—7-5-3—t o a low—althoug h h e real izes tha t withou t a n Ac e i n hi s hand , h e stand s littl e chance of winning low. As mentioned, few people, goin g high or low, pass an Ace .

Player C: 2V 100 9* 84 44 7V 94 Player C has 7-8-9-1 0 to a straigh t and a pai r of 9s. H e keeps the four t o the straight and discards the rest . Player D: K4 642*6* J4 34 60 Trip 6s . Hi s decision i s what t o kee p fo r a kicker . Th e King is the highest remaining card, s o he discards th e 2, 3, and Jack. Player E: 40 54 K
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He'll kee p th e A-2-3- 4 fo r a possibl e perfec t lo w an d dump the second 4, the 5, and the King .

Dealer: Q* 5
New cards for each player appears after th e dash.

You: 9V Q O JO 90 — Q* 80 A * You got one more to the diamond straigh t flush — the 8 — and anothe r Quee n t o giv e you two pair. You'll discar d the 8 and the Jack, keep the two pair with the Ace kicker, and tr y to bluf f th e boat b y keeping the Ace in the hole .

Player B: 5* 30 70 74—K* 3V 7* The new 7 and 3 give him a ful l house . H e wants to kiss you, but he sublimate s his emotion. He'l l discar d the 5 and th e King .

Player C: 100 9* 84 7^—10* QV J* He picked u p not one but two more cards to complete a six-card straight . H e won't fee l s o luck y once he get s a load o f Player B's boat. He'll discard th e secon d 1 0 an d

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the low part of the straight, the 7, to be left with a Queenhigh straight.

Player D: K4 64 6* 60—29? 44 94 He started out with trip 6s and ended u p with trip 6s. He keeps th e King , keeps th e 9, and discards th e 2 and th e 4. He'll try to bluff the boat by showing the three 6s for as long as i t lasts. He's hoping no one ha s th e ful l house . Foolish boy.

Player E: 4* 3* 24 A
Dealer: 5V WV 50 JV—40 54 KV I got a third 5 and a fourt h heart . I'l l keep th e trips, the Jack, and th e Kin g and discar d th e 4 and the 10 . I'll also try to bluff the boat by showing three of a kind. It's dumb, I know, but this is only a movie. This betting round, still with all hands blind , is critical. Everyon e knows tha t someone will be bluffing , s o how th e be t i s mad e i s a s importan t a s what i s bet . Anyone who falter s i n his betting , anyone wh o doesn' t seem dead sur e he has a winning hand, had best get out now. The rest of this game is what poker is all about.

EXPOSE ROUNDS

Instead o f describing eac h exposur e an d eac h betting round, le t m e discus s whic h fou r card s eac h playe r exposes. Hole cards are in parentheses .

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You: (A* ) 9
By keeping the Ac e i n th e hole , Playe r A gives the illu sion of a Queens an d 9 s boat . Player B: (70) 3 0 7 * 7 4 3< ? By keepin g th e 7 o f diamond s i n th e hole , Playe r B doesn't reveal whether he has 3s over 7s or 7s over 3s for the boat—o r whethe r h e ha s th e boa t a t all . H e als o chooses to keep the 7 of diamonds i n the hole because he realizes that you gave him the 7 of clubs, so he might as wel l expos e it . Playe r B doesn't kno w i f any o f th e other highe r hand s showin g ar e boats or not. H e must stay in. And since h e knows he's going to stay in, he ca n be somewha t hesitan t on th e bet . He' s not goin g to b e bluffed ou t holding a ful l house , an d he's not particularly concerned i f someone raises him. Player C: (100) 9* 84 Q
Player D: (94) 64 K4 6* 60 As we've noted , n o one with a full house , especiall y on e with a Kin g i n it , would expos e tri p 6 s first . Onc e h e reveals the thir d 6, everyone will know he either doesn' t have the ful l hous e o r i s going to los e t o anyone with a bigger boat . He'l l dro p whe n h e see s th e bluf f won' t work.

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Player E: (JA) 4* 3* 2 A A 9? Player E shoots for the low . It will take onl y a couple of betting rounds to see what the other low competition is . Since he'l l hav e 4-3-2-A— a perfec t low—showing , h e could conceivabl y bluf f ou t someon e who show s a 5 . Once everyon e els e show s thei r hig h card s an d pairs , he'll b e raisin g lik e mad . He' s th e lon e lo w an d th e happiest player at the table. Dealer: (J
One variation is readily apparent: Mak e this a seven-car d stud gam e instea d o f a five-car d an d ad d tw o bettin g rounds. But the two extra betting rounds don't add much to the game, other than the possibility that someone will try to go pig. Another variatio n i s t o hav e thre e trash-passin g rounds. A t one hous e I know of , the firs t pas s i s thre e cards t o you r immediat e neighbo r t o th e left . The n there's a bettin g round . The n there' s a secon d pas s round i n whic h yo u pas s tw o cards t o th e playe r two seats awa y fro m you . There' s anothe r bettin g round. In the third pass round, you pass a single card t o the third player fro m you r left. The n there's a third betting round, then a seven-car d stu d expos e —four card s up , leaving three cards down . (Yo u could expose five cards as well.)

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Even if players drop during the three passing rounds, there ar e alway s th e righ t numbe r o f player s t o pas s cards to at the right locations, even thoug h they may not be one , two , o r thre e seat s away . Player s ofte n en d u p with th e sam e tras h the y passed , whic h coul d b e a blessing, base d on what the y were passed previously. A third variation i s to deal out only five cards instead of seve n an d pas s only two. O r declare on e car d a wild card. O r play th e gam e all-hig h o r all-low . Or make u p your ow n variation. That's why you pla y at hom e i n th e first place.

C H A P T E R

15

Seven-Card Stud

WHhen I' m i n La s Vegas, I like t o pla y blackjack. Like

many chea p people , I tak e $2 0 and si t dow n a t a $ 2 table, bet th e minimum , occasionally doubl e u p when I get 1 1 o n the dea l o r when th e deale r ha s a 6 showing, and pla y for three or four day s on th e same $20. When las t I visite d th e cleanes t dirt y cit y i n th e world, I decided t o pu t m y mone y o n a differen t felt ; I sauntered ove r to the $ 4 limit poker table to try my hand at th e bi g money. Ther e was a bore d dealer , complet e with sleev e garter s (holdin g up what, God only knows), listlessly dealing to an equall y bored grou p of would-be Diamond Jim Bradys . I decided t o join the fun. I plunked down my usual $20, got back what seeme d to be a rather short stack o f chips, then watched a s th e dealer starte d shovelin g cards m y way. I asked politely , "What ar e w e playing? " Pregnant pause. It seemed a s if all th e player s a t th e tabl e were starin g at m e withou t looking u p fro m thei r chips an d watered-dow n drinks. The dealer , a not e o f condescension i n hi s voice , sai d flatly "Seven-card stud. We always play seven-card stud." And h e wa s right . For the nex t hal f hou r we playe d 172

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seven-card stud . No t seven-card stu d with deuces wild. Not seven-car d stud , high/low . Not Follo w the Queen , High Chicago , o r eve n Baseball . Seven-car d stud . Allhigh. A good tw o pair, and th e po t i s yours. Okay. I' m use d t o playin g by someon e else' s craz y rules. Bu t a hal f hou r later , even thoug h I had double d my mone y (thes e guy s bluf f to o easily) , I was sleepin g with m y eyes open . Two-dollar blackjack had i t all ove r this Nigh t of the Livin g Dead. I now ha d twic e my usual stake, so I took my $40 and went to find an open seat at a $2 blackjack table . Straight seven-car d stu d i s the mos t popula r for m of poker, but we in the neighborhood a t least kno w how to spice up the ol' gal. To recap the format, each player gets two cards down, then a third one up. Or, if you want to be fancy, on e down , on e up , on e down . O r any variation thereof. There i s a round of betting, led off by the player with the highest card showing . If two players have identical hig h cards—say , eac h get s a 10—th e playe r wh o received hi s hig h card firs t opens. I n this instance , th e dealer would say "First 1 0 bets." Three mor e round s o f up card s follow , eac h roun d punctuated b y a roun d o f betting, le d by the hig h hand showing. Th e sevent h an d fina l car d i s deal t down , followed b y a fina l roun d o f betting . A t the en d o f th e hand, th e player s wh o haven' t folde d eac h wil l hav e seven cards—thre e dow n an d fou r up . Eac h playe r selects the best five cards to form hi s hand. From this basic, straight seven-card setu p springs the majority o f neighborhoo d poke r games . Th e straight game—no wild cards and n o variations, as practiced i n Las Vegas' various Touris t Tra p Inns—i s th e exception , rather tha n th e rule , i n neighborhoo d games . Neigh borhood seven-car d stu d i s usually played with a dizzy -

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ing numbe r o f wild cards—sometime s on e a t a time , often i n combinations—an d i n a myria d o f split-game variations. High/low, whil e th e mos t commo n o f thes e spli t games, i s not the only one. Th e dealer ca n designat e a certain card, the lucky holder of which splits the pot with the bes t hand . Fo r instance, i n Hig h Chicag o the player with the highest spade in the hole splits the pot with the best hand . I once playe d i n a gam e wher e th e deale r requested on e o f the assemble d t o "pick a suit. " When an assemblee named a suit, the dealer declared tha t the holder of the lo w card o f that suit in the hole would split the po t with the playe r who hel d th e highes t hand. The player who picked th e suit didn't win, prompting him to remark, "I picked the wrong suit." No he didn't. I had th e Ace. Of the righ t suit. If the dealer doesn't wan t to play a split game, he can fancy u p th e han d b y declaring certain card s wild. Any card ca n b e declared wil d i f the dealer wills it. Inventive dealers like to name thei r new games afte r th e wild card they've designated. Micke y Mantle—the poker hand, not the athlete—is 7s wild (The Mic k wore numbe r 7 for the Yankees). Once a precedent i s established, you can des ignate any numbe r from 2 through 10 , declare tha t card wild, and nam e i t after an y local sport s hero . Knic k fan s could pla y Patric k Ewing, i n which 3 s ar e wil d (Ewin g wears numbe r 33) . Dodge r fan s coul d pla y Ore l Hershiser, in which 5s are wild (Hershiser wears number 55). Hocke y fans coul d pla y Wayne Gretzky, i n which 9s are wil d (Gretzky wears numbe r 99 for the L.A . Kings). If you're a Jeffrey Leonar d fan, you're out of luck. There are no 00 cards in the deck . When creatin g thes e wild variations, kee p i n mind that lo w cards mak e bette r wild cards than hig h cards. It's tough to ge t fou r King s if Kings are you r wild card—

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except i n game s lik e Wil d Kings , o r othe r game s tha t have been meticulously designed by poker professionals and rigorousl y teste d unde r tightl y controlle d neighborhood condition s fo r your dealin g an d playin g con venience. Besides , I don't know of any athlete who wears the number Queen on his uniform . I've scientifically chosen som e of these tried and true seven-card stud games to explain and illustrat e for you. I haven't deal t ou t fantas y hand s fo r every game, just for those that need t o be seen to be believed . Games without a fantasy hand eithe r don't nee d furthe r explanatio n or need t o be experienced i n real neighborhoo d condi tions to be completely understood .

ROLL YOUR OWN Each playe r i s deal t a dow n car d i n each round an d ma y the n tur n u p th e car d of his choice , keepin g tw o cards dow n an d the res t o f the card s u p unti l th e fina l down car d i s dealt .

BASICS

Roll You r Ow n i s les s a gam e i n itsel f tha n a differen t method o f playin g an y seven-stu d car d game . Afte r re ceiving tw o down cards , eac h playe r receive s a dow n card instea d o f an u p car d o n ever y round. He chooses which o f his three hol e cards to turn up. The game the n plays like a straight seven-card stud , high/low game. I'll explai n thi s i n sequence . Al l player s ar e deal t three dow n cards . Eac h playe r decide s whic h car d t o

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turn u p fo r hi s firs t u p car d o f th e round . Afte r eac h player turns up a card , there' s a roun d o f betting—high card opens . Th e deale r the n deal s anothe r roun d o f down cards . Each player then turns up one o f his thre e down cards , givin g eac h tw o up card s an d tw o dow n cards, followe d b y a roun d o f betting . Thi s sequenc e continues until each player has two down cards and fou r up cards . Th e fina l car d stay s down , a s i n standar d seven-card stud . If you'r e goin g t o pla y this way , decide i n what se quence th e player s wil l tur n thei r cards over . Yo u can demand that afte r everyon e ha s receive d his new down card, al l cards be turned simultaneously on the dealer' s mark, o r th e card s ca n b e turne d i n n o particula r sequence, eac h playe r i n hi s ow n tim e an d way , just a s long as he flips a card befor e the betting round starts. Roll You r Ow n can b e use d fo r any seven-car d stu d game—high/low, Hig h Chicago , Baseball , o r all-high . Rolling you r ow n merel y gives th e gam e a n adde d di mension of strategy and suspense . STRATEGY

Roll Your Own allows a player to keep hi s hand hidde n and play conservatively or to open u p a pair and control the betting . There's a lo t of subtle strateg y to this game. Some player s lik e t o kee p pair s hidde n other s lik e t o split pairs. I personally favor th e latter , especially on th e first three cards. I f I match up th e non-pai r card, I'd have two pair . I' d spli t m y origina l pair an d hav e on e car d from bot h pair s hidden. For instance, sa y I'm dealt a pair of Kings and a n 8.1 split th e Kings , turnin g on e up . I f I get a n 8 , whic h i s more likel y than gettin g a thir d King , I'l l have tw o pair , but I' d reveal th e new 8 and hav e onl y a Kin g and an 8

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showing. I f I happen t o ge t luck y and I' m deal t a third King, I can no w keep two of them i n the hole , flip up th e 8 I ha d i n th e hole , an d stil l hav e a Kin g an d a n 8 showing. Players will also often spli t a pair on the first round if their hol e car d is of a highe r value tha n the pair . For instance, i f you have a pai r o f 9s, an d a Quee n a s your third card , revea l a 9 . A 9 wil l probabl y no t b e hig h enough t o open , s o you'l l b e abl e t o rais e o n th e first round, i f you fee l s o inclined . By th e sam e token , afte r th e firs t roun d i t ma y b e advantageous t o sho w a pair , i f you ar e playin g by restrictive betting rule s that requir e a pai r before you can bet mor e tha n th e ante . Often , i f th e bettin g i s slow , someone will show a pair to raise th e betting level. That player ma y also hav e a bette r hidde n han d tha n a pair , which i s why he wants t o raise th e leve l of betting. Be prepared to wait a while for each player to revea l a ne w u p car d afte r bein g deal t hi s ne w hol e card . Players hav e t o mak e individua l decisions, an d thi s takes time . These wait s ca n b e revealin g to an attentive player. I f the roll s are don e informally , i n n o particular sequence, a goo d playe r will stall and wait for everyone else to reveal a new card. B e prepared to wait again until the bettin g starts. Th e dealer isn' t announcing each rol l as h e woul d i f he wer e dealin g u p cards , s o everyon e needs time to examine everyone else's ne w hands before betting. WHAT WILL WIN

This i s a straigh t seven-car d stu d game , bu t becaus e players choos e which card s t o reveal , ther e ar e a lo t of last-minute surprises. The tendency is to keep your good cards hidden . Player s alway s hav e bette r hand s tha n

178

THE GAME S

what the y hav e shown—i n fact , what' s showin g belie s what the han d actuall y is. As they say i n Grade Z melodramas: "Trus t no one. " THE GAME

Let me deal out a six-handed high/low game to show you how th e strategie s work. You be Playe r B. We'll play as if everyone reveal s thei r card s a t th e sam e time . Re member—all thes e card s ar e deal t down , s o al l thre e cards i n the first round will be i n parentheses. Afte r th e first round, the two chosen hole cards will b e i n parentheses, as will the new cards dealt . FIRST ROUND

Player A: (9* 9*80) A pair of 9s. Player A splits up the pair and reveal s one of the 9s . I t probabl y won't b e hig h enoug h t o open, an d he'll be able t o raise i f he likes.

You: (Q
SEVEN-CARD STU D

179

6 4

Player D: (4

Player D reveals th e 4 of spades;.to keep the hear t flus h hidden and t o bluff wit h a low showing. Player E: (6

K

10

Player E reveals the 1 0 to keep the flush hidden. Dealer: (4

J

6

I'll revea l th e Jack t o lea d th e bettin g and kee p m y low hidden. I open. Everyon e calls. Here's the second round, with the hole card in parentheses. The new card i s down. SECOND ROUND

Player A: (9 8 9 (8 Perfect—another 8 for two pair (what did I tell you?). He can eithe r reveal th e 9 he has i n the hole an d open th e betting, or flip up the new 8 to have an 8-9 showing and a hidden two pair, then raise when the bet comes around. Player A takes the sneaky way out and flips over the new 8. 3 (5 You (Q <» You reveal the new 5 to keep the bluf f o f a low going, but you're lookin g for Queens an d 9s .

Player C: (A

5

2

00

Thus endeth th e low . Player C will show the ne w 10 . He still has two great low hole cards, s o there's no sense in making the lo w hand loo k any better.

180

THE GAME S

Player D: (6

4

4

(5

Player D reveals the 6 and buries the new 5 to keep both flush possibilitie s hidde n an d t o kee p th e perfec t 6- 4 low-hand bluf f showing .

K

Player E: (6

(Q

10

Player E keeps the new Queen down to hide the possible straight and reveals the 6.

Dealer: (4

J

6

(Q

I've go t a problem— I hav e two low cards an d tw o high cards, which would signal a fold . Bu t we're no t playing for bi g mone y here , s o I'l l keep mysel f in . I reveal th e Queen, sinc e I stil l hav e tw o decen t lo w card s i n th e hole and ca n bluf f the high straight showing. I still lead the betting , but I check. Playe r A bets, an d everyone calls. I deal ou t th e thir d round, all down. THIRD ROUND

Player A: (9

8

9

8

(7

The ne w 7 allows Playe r A to sho w 7-8- 9 to a straight , while hiding the two pair. The betting is going nowhere, though. Player A keeps the new 7 down and turn s up his 8 in the hole to make a pair showing so he can open .

You:

(Q 9

3

5

(5

A pair of 5s doesn't really help, but showing the pair may keep someone from raisin g unreasonably. You reveal the new 5. Player C: (A

5

2

10

(Q

Player C will show the new Queen, again to keep the low

181

SEVEN-CARD STUD

hidden. Bu t th e tw o straigh t brick s ar e beginnin g t o make hi m nervous . Player D: (5

4

4

(8

6

The new 8 gives him four cards to a decent low and fou r to an insid e straight , so h e reveal s th e 4 in the hol e t o give him a pair showin g an d creat e the impressio n tha t he's going high.

K

Player E: (Q

6

10

(J

The Jack give s him fou r to the high straight. He flips the Jack up , leaving the higher part of the straigh t hidden.

Dealer: (4

(J

Q

J

6

I've paire d u p o n th e Jack . I'v e go t one showing , bu t I don't wan t to lead th e betting, so I reveal the 6 and kee p the new Jack i n the hole. Player A opens with his pair of 8s. Everyon e calls. FOURTH ROUND

Player A: (9

7

9

8

8

(2

The ne w deuc e doesn' t hel p hi s tw o pai r o r possibl e straight. He flip s i t over. You: (Q

9

3

5

5

(9

The ne w 9 gives you two pair, 9s over 5s . Bu t since th e other 9 is in the hole , you can sho w the new 9 without giving away your hand . Player C: (A

5

2

10

Q

(A

A pai r o f Aces . Hi s bes t lo w ca n onl y b e a 10-down , since he has onl y one card lef t to go. He ducks th e new Ace to keep th e pair hidden and reveal s th e 5—a totally

182

THE GAME S

innocuous han d showing . He's hoping he pair s up on e of hi s fou r u p card s wit h hi s fina l dow n card , which would give him tw o pair, Aces over.

8

Player D: (5

6

4

(K

4

The Kin g i s o f n o help . H e reveal s i t to kee p th e lo w hidden and a high hand exposed .

K

Player E: (Q

6

J

10

(8

The new 8 is of no help; he stil l need s a 9 or an Ace to complete the straight. He reveals th e 8.

J

Dealer: (4

Q

J

6

(3

The new 3 does me no good. I show it. Player A again opens th e betting . You call, not really believing tha t two pair , 8 s over—whic h i s the bes t that Player A has showing—ca n win this hand. With no other real lo w hands showing , Player C raises. Everyone calls, which reveals that no one has a good hand . I dea l th e fina l card , which stay s down , a s i n stan dard seven-car d stud .

FINAL ROUND

Player A: (9

7

9

8

8

2

(4

The ne w 4 doesn' t help , s o Playe r A finishe s wit h a medium-strength tw o pair , 9 s ove r 8s , an d a shak y 9-8 low. You: (Q

9

3

5

5- 9

(2

The new deuce doesn' t improv e your two pair. You finish with two pair, 9s over 5s.

183

SEVEN-CARD STUD

A

Player C: (A

2

10

5

Q

(10

He paired u p on e o f his othe r card s and no w has Ace s over 10s , a good tw o pair, all hidden.

8<

Player D: (5

4

6

K

4

(3

The ne w 3 gives him a n 8-6-5-4-3—no t a grea t low , but better than anything showing. K

Player E: (Q

6

10

J

8

(7

The ne w 7 i s o f n o help . Playe r E ha s nothin g bu t a seven-card possibl e insid e straight , but al l th e 9 s ar e resting comfortabl y i n other hands . H e will dro p whe n the bet comes to him.

Dealer: (4

J

J Q 6

3

(J

Trip Jacks. I am cheering silently, hoping no one pulled a straight, flush, or boat o n their last card. Player A still leads the betting. You call. Player C, with Aces ove r 10 s an d nothin g showing , raises . Playe r D, with th e onl y low , see s th e bet , the n raises . Playe r E drops. Now thing s ge t interesting . I loo k a t Playe r C . H e could hav e fou r o f a kin d i f all thre e o f his hol e card s match on e o f his u p cards , bu t ther e ar e alread y othe r deuces, 10s , and Queen s showing . This means tha t the best Playe r C can hav e i s thre e o f kind , eithe r 10s , o r Queens, whic h beat m y trip Jacks. Playe r D also raised . He has a King and a pair of 4s showing, so he could hav e a ful l house . I play it safe and cal l with my trip Jacks. Player A suddenly realizes tha t his tw o pair ma y rio t be goo d enough , bu t h e als o see s tha t th e las t 4 gav e him a 9-8-74-2 low . He calls, thinking he ma y sneak i n with the best lo w hand.

184

THE GAME S

You also see tha t 9s and 5 s aren't goin g to win; you drop. Player C begins to suspect tha t Player D may have trip 4s. He calls. Player D raises. Everyone calls. Players A and D call low , which take s everyon e b y surprise. Playe r C and mysel f call high , which surprise s no one. I split the po t with Player D.

CONTROL Straight seven-car d stud , bu t jus t before the las t dow n car d i s dealt , th e playe r with the bes t han d showin g decide s whethe r the gam e wil l b e completed . I f he say s yes, th e gam e continues ; i f not, th e gam e is re-dealt.

BASICS

Control ca n continu e indefinitel y unti l th e playe r wit h the bes t han d showin g decide s h e ha s a n unbeatabl e hand, which can become infuriating unles s you like this kind o f suspense. Lik e Rol l You r Own , Control can b e used i n conjunction with any seven-card stu d game. The usual seven-card gam e is dealt, but righ t before the las t hole card i s dealt, the player with the best hand showing decides whethe r the gam e will continue. If the player with "control" says th e gam e will g o on, all players get their final down cards, final bets ar e made, and it's business a s usual. But i f the playe r with "control " says h e doesn' t lik e the game , i f he doesn' t thin k h e ha s a winnin g hand ,

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185

everybody tosses in their hands, re-antes , and the game is re-dealt by the sam e dealer . Thi s is known as "reset ting" a hand . Any player that drops out of the hand before the final control decision is made does not get dealt back into the new hand. H e has t o wait around unti l someone claims the pot before he can star t playing again. STRATEGY

This game requires a reverse logi c and cautious betting . The best showin g hand—also know n as th e "leade r o n the board"—wil l be spooke d i f anyone raise s him, so it behooves th e playe r wit h a grea t han d i n th e hol e t o keep quiet and no t rock the boat. H e wants the game to end s o h e ca n win . Don' t worr y abou t th e po t bein g small—no on e folds . N o one want s t o chance tha t th e game wil l b e rese t an d b e lef t ou t o f the ne w deal . I f a player bumps the leade r o n the board, rest assured tha t the leade r will end th e han d prematurel y and wait for a hand h e ca n win . There's plent y o f time t o bum p th e leader once the final card i s dealt. WHAT WILL WIN

Anything that would win a straight seven-card stud hand. VARIATIONS

This versio n o f seven-car d stu d i s awkwar d with spli t games. Th e bes t lo w hand s ar e innocen t bystanders . Play Control—if you must—wit h one-winner games. You may also want to play Control in a five-card stud game, but with no final card, i t is awkward.

186

THE GAMES

THE BITCH A Quee n o f spades deal t u p resets th e hand . In th e hole , i t splits th e po t o r i s wild.

BASICS

The Bitch is the Queen o f spades, and her game has two variations bu t one constan t rule : As soon as th e Quee n of spades is dealt fac e up, all play stops and th e hand is over. N o one get s any extra cards, no one make s addi tional bets . Th e deale r collect s al l th e cards , al l th e players re-ante, and th e hand i s re-dealt to those players who haven't folded . It isn't wise to bet early in this gam e unless you have the Bitch safely tucked away in the hole, and therei n lie the variations. In one variation, the player with the Bitch in the hole splits th e po t wit h th e playe r wit h the bes t hand . Th e second and les s common versio n is that the Bitch in the hole i s wild, an d ther e i s onl y one winner—th e playe r with the best hand, with or without the Bitch. In the latter game, having the Bitc h i n the hole is only a slim advantage, no t a guarantee d shar e o f th e pot . Thi s secon d variation can als o be playe d as a high/lo w game. Figur ing ou t wh o ha s th e Bitc h i s enoug h t o worr y about , however. Involvin g high/low strateg y o n to p o f tha t i s poker overkill. Any playe r wh o fold s befor e th e Bitc h i s expose d cannot b e deal t back i n if she eventuall y shows u p an d the han d i s re-dealt . Thi s rul e keep s everyon e i n th e game unti l the last up card i s dealt, which is what makes this gam e a Bitc h (get it? ) for players with poor hands .

SEVEN-CARD STU D

187

Players wit h bad hand s hav e t o sta y i n unti l th e bitter end, hoping only that the Bitch will show up so they can get a chance at being re-dealt a more competitive hand. A player who drop s befor e the Bitc h show s u p i s gambling tha t someon e alread y ha s he r o r tha t sh e won' t show u p at all. What end s u p happenin g i s tha t th e gam e goe s through severa l redeals an d the pot grows considerably . The amount each playe r has put in increases t o the point that he tends to stay in longer with a bad hand to protect his investment. As the cards and chips begin to accumulate, player s begi n t o chan t "th e Bitch , the Bitch " with every tur n of the card , hopin g i t will sho w u p an d giv e them a new lease on the pot. If the final face card is dealt up and th e Bitc h still ha s not appeared, th e dealer announce s "W e have a game. " Now thos e player s wit h n o chanc e o f winnin g ca n noisily drop, an d th e player s with good hand s can play poker. STRATEGY

Unless you hav e the Bitc h in the hole , chec k wheneve r possible, sinc e she ca n sho w u p a t any time. I f you get the Bitch in the hole, be cagey—you don't want to scare away the bad hand s to o quickly. WHAT WILL WIN

Because thi s is , i n reality , a straigh t seven-car d stu d game withou t th e Bitch , a hig h tw o pai r i s usuall y enough t o win. THE GAME

I'll dea l ou t a five-hande d gam e complete , o r unti l th e Bitch show s up . Yo u are Playe r C . Hol e card s ar e i n parentheses.

188 Player A: Player B: You: Player D: Dealer:

THE GAMES

(J (7 (9 (3 (K

7 10 9 2 K

2 4 4 Q 3

A 6 8 Q

As you can se e yo u and I are unhappy . I had tw o Kings in the hole, you had a pair of 9s. But Player D got the Bitch , so the round ends. I collect the cards, everyone re-antes, and I re-deal the entir e hand fro m scratch : Player A: (4 Player B.- (9 You: (10 Player D: (6 Dealer: (Q

4 8 4 5 10

2 2 6 K 10

6 8 5 A J

4 J K A 7

9 K 8 AA

(9 (8 (3 (3 (2

I've got the Bitc h in the hole and coul d have raised fro m card one . Bu t I didn't until I had enoug h hearts showing to mak e i t seem as i f I was bettin g on a hear t flush . I f I had raise d earlier , someone might have surmise d I had the Queen , an d h e woul d hav e dropped . I n this game, you don' t want to giv e away too earl y that you have th e Bitch. I am guarantee d hal f the pot—i f we are playing that version, whic h I am sinc e I have the Bitch. In th e meantime , n o on e know s I got th e Bitch , s o everyone els e wa s bettin g cautiousl y until th e fina l u p card was dealt and th e Bitch didn't show. Player A pulled a ful l house , 9s over 4s—on the last card—and, once h e saw n o Bitch , raise d lik e a ma n possessed , despit e Player D' s trip Aces. Playe r B hit th e clu b flus h o n hi s third 8 and raise d back—an d then lost. You, who started out s o promisingl y on th e firs t deal , ende d u p wit h bubkus an d folde d quicke r tha n a hous e o f cards i n a

SEVEN-CARD STUD

189

hurricane. Playe r D has tri p Aces showin g an d woul d have raise d unti l th e bettin g go t to o ho t i n th e fina l round. I gleefull y spli t the enormou s po t wit h Playe r A an d his boat. Deal yourself a winner, I always say. VARIATIONS

The mos t maddenin g variatio n o f Th e Bitc h i s a pro gressive ante . I n othe r words , i f th e Bitc h show s up , everyone re-ante s doubl e th e previou s ante. If the Bitc h shows u p again, the ante doubles again. With a little bad luck an d aggressiv e pre-Bitc h betting , th e po t ca n ge t large jus t o n antes . Th e frustratio n leve l o f those wh o have to toss back good hand s (lik e me with my Kings in the first round above) ris e even higher, and the nerves of players wit h consistentl y ba d hand s an d hig h invest ments who are waiting for an entire hand to be dealt get frazzled. It' s the onl y way to play poker.

HIGH CHICAGO High spad e i n th e hol e split s the po t wit h the bes t hand .

BASICS

High Chicag o i s a seven-car d stu d gam e i n which th e player with the highes t spad e i n the hole split s th e pot with th e playe r wh o ha s th e bes t hand . I f the Ac e of spades i s exposed , the n a Kin g woul d b e th e highest possible spad e i n th e hole , an d s o on . Lik e high/low,

190

THE GAME S

High Chicago is a declare game, except players declar e that the y hav e eithe r th e bes t han d o r th e highes t spade—or both. As i n high/low , eac h playe r declare s "hand " o r "spade" usin g chips or declares i n sequence. I f you us e chips, on e chi p indicate s you ar e goin g fo r th e bes t hand, n o chi p fo r high spade , tw o chips fo r pig—both high hand an d hig h spade. If you declare that you have the hig h spade, you must actually have a spad e i n the hole; i f everyone befor e you ha s declare d "hand, " you can't declare "spade" to win half the pot. You must show a spade if you declare "spade," and that includes anyone who goes pig . No spade, n o split . Got the message? If you'r e feelin g rakish , yo u ca n als o pla y Lo w Chicago: Lo w spade—the deuce, sinc e the Ace is only low in an all-low game—splits the pot with the best hand. Or you ca n pla y all-low—the lo w hand split s with the lo w spade. In this case, the Ace once again takes it s rightfu l place as the low card. STRATEGY

As in The Bitch , it's not goo d to start betting or raising if you hav e th e Ac e o f spades i n th e hol e or i f the Ac e i s exposed an d you have the King . You don't want to chas e marginal hands ou t of the game too early . If you have the Ace or the guarantee d hig h spade an d yo u want to bet, try to subtl y convince you r opponents tha t you actually have a great hand and not the spade, so they won't fold . Unlike in The Bitch, you can bet early with a good hand ; everyone will suffe r throug h a lo t of raises fo r a chance at getting the high spade on the final hole card. WHAT WILL WIN

Unless a lo t of spades have bee n exposed , yo u should have a t leas t a 1 0 of spades to g o for high spade . Hig h

191

SEVEN-CARD STUD

Chicago i s essentially a straigh t seven-car d stu d game , so a high two pair is often enoug h t o take best hand . THE GAME

Here is an entire six-handed game , so you can see what the winnin g hand s loo k like . Hole card s ar e i n parentheses. You're Player C this time. Player A: (Q Player B: (9 You: (5 Player D: (K Player E: (10 Dealer: (2

A 5* Q AA

4<

A 3 5 7 2 4

J 9 7 K 10 2

4

Q 6 2 J 8

3 J J 8 7 3

(6(8 (5 (6 (9 (J

Player A got the Queen o f spades in the hole and picked up the Ace of spades on his first exposed card. Since the King o f spades—th e onl y car d tha t coul d bea t him — didn't sho w up , h e be t cautiously , no t wantin g t o b e burned b y the Kin g comin g u p i n someone else's han d on the final hole card. I bet early with my small two pair on the first four cards, but you won the hand by getting a third 5 on your last card. You split with Player A. Congratulations. VARIATIONS

High Chicago can be played with the high or low card of any sui t servin g a s th e spli t card . Wha t make s Hig h Chicago memorable i s that it has a name. I have heard of a gam e i n which hig h heart split s with the best hand, a version calle d Sa n Francisc o (a s i n " 1 Left M y Heart in . . ."). Since San Francisco i s all hills, the "High" part is understood an d doesn't need to be part of the name of the game . If you played a low version of this game—low heart splits—you'd have to call it Silicon Valley.

192

THE GAME S

BLACKMARLAH

Winner mus t hav e bot h hig h spade an d the bes t han d t o win, or th e gam e i s reset . BASICS

Black Mariah is another name for High Chicago in some neighborhoods, bu t it' s also a gam e i n it s ow n right . Black Maria h i s a winner-take-al l game, bu t on e tha t builds a hug e pot . Th e playe r wit h th e winnin g han d must also have the high spade, either as part of his hand or simply as one of his seven cards—jus t a s long he ha s it somewhere i n his hand, exposed or in the hole. This game plays similarly to The Bitch—a lot of early checking unti l a high spade is dealt up. The game can be reset a t th e en d i f there i s n o winner . And only players that remained until the bitter end are re-dealt in any new deal. THE GAME

I'll deal out one five-hande d gam e to give you an idea of what you're up against. You be Player A.

You: (10 Player B: (A Player C: (6 Player D: (J Dealer: (2

6 9 5 7 7

10 9 6< 8. 8

7 2 9 K 3

K Q Q 4 2

Q 7 J A 3

(3 (8 (A (Q (J

Player B got the Ace of spades as hi s first hole card, s o he probably started betting. This tactic may have scare d a lo t of players out early—no one bet s earl y unless they

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193

have th e Ac e o f spades. Playe r B was bolstere d i n hi s betting by the pai r of 9s on thre e cards. H e was furthe r bolstered b y three diamonds showing. The onl y hand tha t migh t hav e staye d t o challenge Player B was my small two pair, 2s and 3s, going into the last card. N o other player had muc h of a hand and, with Player B bumpin g al l th e way , the other s migh t have dropped. If I decided t o call Player B's bluff, ther e would have been no winner, and Playe r B and mysel f would be playing themselves unti l one of us got both the best hand and the high spade in the hole, or they build condos on Antarctica. Exciting , eh?

MURDER High spad e expose d o r i n th e hol e splits the po t wit h th e bes t hand ; Quee n of spades reset s th e gam e i f exposed an d i s wild i n th e hole . This is a combination o f High Chicago and The Bitch. As in High Chicago, high spade splits the pot, but unlike in High Chicago , th e hig h spad e ca n b e anywher e i n a hand—in the hole or exposed. A player who gets the Ace of spades as an exposed card ha s no secrets and everyone tend s t o check t o him a lot . As in The Bitch , i f the Queen o f spades show s up , th e gam e i s reset , re-shuf fled, re-anted , an d re-dealt , muc h t o the chagri n o f the guy who has the Ace of spades. The pot is split between the playe r with th e hig h spad e an d th e playe r with th e high hand, as i n High Chicago.

194

THE GAME S

The Bitc h i n th e hol e i s wild but ca n b e use d wil d only i n a hand , no t as hig h spade. I f the Ac e and Kin g aren't dealt up, the Queen i n the hole become s the high spade naturally. If the Ace or the Kin g shows up, the wild Queen canno t b e use d a s anothe r Ac e of spades. The Bitch can b e used a s an Ace or King of spades only if it is being used to fill out a hand, suc h a s a spade flush. Confusing? Yo u bet i t is . Fu n t o play ? Depend s o n how long your attention span is .

SEVENS TAKE ALL A pai r o f 7 s i n th e bes t han d an d win s th e entire pot ; i f no on e ha s a pai r o f 7s, th e game i s simpl y all-high straigh t seven-car d stud. This i s a single-winne r seven-car d stu d variatio n i n which a pair of 7s is the best hand. In other words, a pair of 7 s beat s a roya l flush , fou r Aces—everything . However, three 7s is three 7s and can only win the hand i f the next highes t han d i s n o bette r tha n thre e 6s . You can't hide th e third 7 and preten d yo u only have two. A player who claims a pair of 7s must show all seven o f his cards. However, it doesn't matter if the playe r with the luck y 7s has a ful l hous e or a flush—just as lon g as h e doesn't have a thir d 7 . If two players each hav e a pai r of 7s, th e kicker decides the winner. If no one ha s a pair of 7s, the rules o f regular all-high , straight seven-car d poke r pre vail. Ther e i s alway s a winner—eithe r a playe r with a pair of 7s or just a plain old high hand.

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So why i s thi s gam e interesting ? Once a perso n i s dealt an expose d 7 , it's a perfec t opportunity for him t o bluff. N o one knows i f he has the other 7 in the hole. The pot rises accordingly. Everyone tends to stay in because the odds of getting the second 7 are slim. VARIATIONS

Sevens Tak e All can be playe d wit h any pai r as hig h hand—this could b e Four s Take All, or Nine s Take All, i f you fee l s o inclined . Seven s ar e considere d a luck y number i n craps an d othe r gambling enterprises, which probably accounts for the name of this game. Somehow , Fives Takes All doesn't have quite the same ring.

FOLLOW THE QUEEN/THE LADY Changing wil d car d game . A Queen i s dealt t o Playe r A. The nex t card , deal t t o Player B , i s wil d fo r ever y player . If another Quee n i s dealt , th e previou s wil d card i s nullified , an d th e nex t expose d card i s th e ne w wild card. Expose d Quee n to deale r o n las t u p car d nullifie s al l wild cards. Variation : Queen s i n th e hol e ar e also wild . Game i s all-high .

BASICS

The charm—o r mayb e th e irritation—o f Follo w th e Queen i s the constantly changing wild card . Follo w the Queen i s a n all-hig h gam e i n which th e expose d car d dealt up to the player following a Queen deal t up to the

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player on his righ t is wild—until the next Queen is dealt up. It's confusing in theory, easy in practice. Here's how it works . Afte r gettin g hi s tw o hol e cards , Playe r A is dealt an u p Queen . Playe r B's next up card i s wild. If he is dealt a 4, all 4s are wild until another Quee n i s dealt up. On the next round, Player C gets a Queen, nullifyin g the wild 4s. Player D gets a 7 and now all 7s are wild. If a Queen show s up on the last dealt up card, the n all wild cards ar e wiped ou t and th e han d become s a straight seven-card stu d game . In th e commo n variation—i n som e neighborhoo d games, thi s i s the rule , not a variation—Queens i n the hole ar e als o wild . Thi s mean s ther e ca n b e a t mos t seven wil d cards—thre e hol e Queen s an d fou r wil d cards create d b y an expose d Queen . There can also b e no wild cards—i f th e deale r i s dealt the fourt h expose d Queen on his last up card. STRATEGY

Because the wild card always changes, this is a difficul t game to bet on . Th e only way to be secur e i s to have a couple o f wild Queen s i n th e hole . Th e odd s ar e then against two additional Queens being dealt up and additional wil d card s create d t o challeng e you r wild-card supremacy. THE GAME

Let's do a quick run-through of The Lady . We'll only play a coupl e o f rounds t o give you an ide a o f how the play goes. There are five hands. You be Player B. I'll deal until a Queen show s up . Hole cards are in parentheses . Player A:

(Q Q

Oh, this is no good . Wh y can't I get this lucky in a real game? Two Queens i n the hole. Let's start again.

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Player A: You: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

6 8 7 5 A

(Q (J (4 (A (J

2 9 7 Q

That's better . Let' s ignor e fo r th e momen t tha t Playe r A got anothe r Quee n i n th e hole . Playe r D got a Quee n dealt up . That means th e car d I give myself will be wild.

A

Dealer: (J

7

7s ar e wild—fo r th e tim e being . Thi s make s Playe r C quite happy, since he has two of them, one showing . But until that 7 is matched with something, Player D's Queen is high car d showing , so h e start s of f the betting . Logic dictates tha t he defe r t o the player s with the wild card. I open. Everyone calls. Playe r C raises. W e all call. I'll kee p dealin g unti l w e ge t anothe r Queen , the n I'll comment. Player A: You: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

6 8 7. 5 A

(Q (J (4 (A (J

2 9 7

K K 5 8 3

Q 7

A 3 Q

As you ca n see , n o on e ha s muc h o f anything. Player C had thre e 5 s wit h hi s tw o wild cards—until h e go t the next Queen, s o he no w has nothin g wild. Player D's next card is wild. Player D: (A

5

Q 8

2

Deuces ar e no w wild . Player D now ha s onl y a pai r of Aces.

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Player A also has a deuce showing . He has a pair of Aces showing , which i s high on th e board, and fou r t o an Ace-hig h straight . Hi s wild Quee n i n th e hol e als o gives hi m thre e Aces . It' s a han d fraugh t wit h opportu nity, if opportunity can b e fraught . I'll continu e dealin g until th e las t Quee n show s up , o r until al l th e card s ar e dealt , i f the las t Quee n doesn' t make it . Player A: You: Player C: Player D: Dealer:

2 9 7

6 8 7 5 A

(Q (J (4 (A (J

Q

7

K K 5 8 3

A 3 Q 2 K

8 4 10 J 8

These ar e all the up cards. Ther e were no more Queens and no more deuces dealt up. Players without wild card s were cheerin g "Queen ! Queen ! Queen! " fo r me to dea l myself a Queen . Player s with wil d card s wer e cheering "No Queen! No Queen! No Queen!" for no more Queens. Listen t o th e cheering . Ther e b e tell s i n the m ther e cheering. Here's how we stand befor e the final down card. Player A:

(Q

6

2

K

A

8

Player A, with a Queen in the hole and a wild deuce, ha s three Aces . H e also has a four-flusher—fou r card s to a diamond flush—with the Queen used i n its natural state, and h e still has fou r to an Ace-high straight. Players hate having a wil d card tha t i s alread y a natura l car d the y need. Worse , players hate havin g two wild card s an d a hand n o better than trips.

SEVEN-CARD STUD

You: (J

8

9

K

3

199

4

You got doodly squat. No t even a wild card can help you. You fold . Sorry . Player C: (4

7

Q 10

5

7

Player C still ha s tha t lous y pair of 7s. The best h e ca n draw is a wild card fo r a third 7 . He'll fol d a s well. Player D: (A 5

Q 8 2

J

Player D has a wild deuce, s o h e ha s fou r card s to a n Ace-high straight, or a pair of Aces. Dealer: (J

A

7

3

K

8

I have less than you did. A wild card isn' t gonna help me either, s o I' m gonna fold, too . (Geez , these ar e crummy hands. I should've kept the hand with Player A's two hole Queens. Woulda , coulda , shoulda—th e poke r player's lament.) Tha t leave s onl y Player A and Playe r D in th e game, so there's no sense finishing this hand. You get the idea. Oh, okay. Player A got a 1 0 of spades on his final card for an Ace-high straight (h e uses hi s wild deuce a s a Jack). Player D got a 9 of hearts, so he still has the crummy pair of Aces and no t the straight . Player A wins. Satisfied? VARIATIONS

I have heard o f Follow the Jack and Chas e the Ace, both of whic h hav e th e sam e rules . A s a dealer , yo u ca n designate an y car d a s th e ke y card . Yo u could pla y Attend th e 10 , Do g the Deuce , Tail the Trey , o r whatever your imagination will allow.

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200

LOW HOLE Each player' s lo w card i n th e hole , an d matching card s i n tha t player' s hand, ar e wild.

BASICS

Everyone's lo w card i n th e hol e i s wild, which mean s everyone has hi s own personal wild card. If you have a 3 and a Jack in the hole, all your subsequent 3 s are wild— unless you r last hol e car d i s a deuce . Remember , your final hol e car d ca n b e lowe r tha n you r first two hol e cards and therefor e will change your wild card. Aces are considered high , so the lowest possible card i s a deuce. Low Hol e can b e playe d all-hig h o r high/low . If it's played as a high/low game, Aces are lo w if you're going low an d hig h i f you're goin g high. I n othe r words, sa y you're going pig and you have an Ace and a deuce i n the hole. I n your low hand, the Ac e is your lo w card an d i s wild. I n your high hand , the deuc e i s wild. S o you wil l have different wil d cards for each hand. (There is not an official nam e that I know of for the high/lo w variation of Low Hole, other than the tongue-twistin g High/Low Low Hole, or Low Hole High/Low. If you don't like saying Low Hole High/Low, make up your own name.) STRATEGY

Everyone has a pair as soon as he gets his first up card— his expose d car d plu s his lo w hole card—an d whe n a pair i s showing , it's automatically three o f a kind . Tw o pair in this game often turn s into four of a kind. Bet as if

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you wer e playin g a norma l seven-car d stu d gam e i n which n o one has a goo d hand . Assum e a bumper has paired u p on his hole wild card. If you get two high cards i n the hole to start off, you're in trouble . Gettin g a 1 0 an d a Jac k i n th e hol e fo r instance, mean s that you'll probably get a lower card o n your fina l dow n card . Yo u won't kno w what you r wild card is until the final card. In a game with a lot of raising, it wil l b e toug h t o stic k i t out. Havin g othe r promising cards—like a natural three of a kind that a wild card will make fou r o f a kind—make s i t easie r t o cal l al l th e raises. WHAT WILL WIN

At leas t a ful l house , mor e frequentl y fou r o f a kind . I can't remember a straight ever winning this game. I have had a straigh t flush in this game , be t heavily , an d the n been burned b y five of a kind . In fact, thi s happened t o me twic e in two consecutive games . Paranoia is a natural sid e effec t o f poker. Since lo w cards are wild, they are almost useles s in building a lo w hand . A wild 3 i n a 7-5-4-3- A lo w isn't going t o drasticall y change th e hand . Thi s means tha t ordinary lo w hand s lik e 7 - o r 8-dow n wil l wi n low . If there are a lot of high card s on the board , it is conceiv able tha t even a 9-down will win low. THE GAME

I'll dea l ou t th e ful l hand s o f a five-hande d high/lo w game to show you the rang e of possibilities. Hole cards are i n parentheses. Yo u be Playe r D. Player A: (9

3

3

8

J

J

(5

Player A has 3 s wild. With the pai r of Jacks, he ha s fou r Jacks. H e als o ha s a 9-8-down : 9-8-5-3-3 , th e tw o 3 s

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202

turning int o 2-A. Not bad, bu t probabl y no t lo w enoug h to risk going pig. Player B: (4

6

6

Q K (K

Q

Player B ha s 4 s wild . Th e fina l Kin g gav e hi m a ful l house, King s over Queens . Unti l tha t las t card ; he ha d Queens full ove r 6s. But neither hand i s going to be good enough. Man y a full hous e has folded in this game. Most players kno w someone always gets four of a kind. With a pair o f Queen s showing , however , bluffin g i s a pos sibility, especially with Player A showing onl y Jacks. Player C: (2

4

10

J

10

6

(10

Player C has deuces wild. The three natural 10 s and th e wild deuce give him fou r 10s . You: (9

8

J

4

A

3

(8

You hav e 8 s wild, although i t was hairy . An 8-low i n th e first two hol e card s ca n mea n disaster , sinc e th e odds are hig h that you'll get a card lowe r than 8 on your las t hole card. As previously noted , it' s tough t o play a han d when you have to wait for the final card t o find out what you hav e wild. The tw o 8s giv e you two wild cards, bu t the best high hand yo u can squeez e out i s an Ace-high club flush. But th e tw o wild 8 s giv e you a perfec t low—on e 8 becomes a 6, you've go t a 4 and 3 showing, the other 8 becomes a deuce , an d th e Ac e i s showing . Gla d you stuck around ? Player E: (7

4

A

5

6

K

(2

Your perfect low hand isn' t going to make Player E happy since hi s fina l deuc e give s hi m a natura l 6- 5 low, normally goo d enoug h t o wi n lo w i n thi s game . Hi s high hand i s only a natural spade flush.

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During th e cours e o f the betting , Playe r E was probably bumping all the way since h e ha d a pai r of Aces show ing, low cards in the hole, and a shot at a straight spade flush. Bu t Playe r A with th e fou r Jack s take s high , an d with the perfec t lo w you burn Player E's 6-5 and wi n low.

BASEBALL 3s an d 9 s ar e wild , 4 s ge t anothe r card . This game i s as immensely popula r a s its namesake. It's a one-winner , all-high gam e i n which 3s (thre e strikes, three outs ) an d 9 s (numbe r of innings) are wild an d 4 s (number of balls for a walk) get an extr a card. The extra card o n a 4 can drive a dealer to distraction. There are several way s of playing the 4s and the extra cards the y produce. Metho d One: To see i f a 4 has bee n dealt down , eac h playe r mus t chec k hi s hol e card s before the next player gets his next card. If a player has a 4, he reveals it immediately and get s his extra card dow n before his neighbor gets his next card. Metho d Two: The hole cards are dealt down and the first card dealt up. The dealer ask s i f anyone ha s an y 4s , the n give s an extr a down card to each player who has a 4 in the hole, in the sequence in which the cards wer e dealt . Method Three : Each playe r ca n revea l hi s 4 s wheneve r h e likes , bu t always before, not after, a betting round. When this rule is applied, players keep thei r 4s hidden, to be sprung at the en d o f th e gam e whe n extr a card s ca n b e mos t advantageous. Any variations of these method s ca n b e used as well;

204

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for instance , the dealer may ask players to reveal their 4s in the hole before the first up cards are dealt. Or 4s can be reveale d at any time , includin g in the middl e of a betting round, at the player's strategic option . Dealers must also determine how to deal the 4s. The standard rul e fo r substitution s i s tha t a hol e car d i s replaced b y another hol e card. Followin g this logic, if a player reveal s a 4 from the hole , he get s his extr a car d down. Othe r dealers say that the extra card is enough of an advantag e an d therefor e i t shoul d b e deal t up , n o matter where the 4 is. Others say 4s are a reward, so the extra car d i s deal t dow n n o matte r wher e th e 4 cam e from. Stil l othe r dealers , i n orde r t o buil d u p th e pot , charge for the extra card. Sometimes the y charge a fixed price. Sometime s th e cos t i s base d o n whe n th e 4 i s revealed an d where in the hand it is—exposed or down. Down cards cost more. I f the 4 s are hidden , the charg e can b e base d o n a slidin g scale , dependin g ho w lat e they are revealed. There is no set way to deal with the 4s, so hav e fun—bu t mak e sur e tha t rules and charge s ar e explained carefull y before any cards are dealt . Or go right to Method Four: Ignore all 4s i n the hole . Only player s wit h expose d 4 s ge t a n extr a card . Aren' t you glad someone thought of Method Four? Baseball ha s man y variations. One i s Majo r Leagu e Baseball, whic h i s nine-car d stud . Ge t it ? Nine cards , nine innings? It's dealt three down, five up, one down; 3s and 9 s are wild, but no one get s extr a cards. 4 s are 4s. Seven-card Basebal l woul d b e analogou s t o amateu r baseball, which is seven innings . Another for m o f Baseball ha s 3 s and 9 s wild, 4s get an extr a card , bu t i f you ge t a n expose d 3 , yo u mus t match th e po t o r fold . Everyon e get s wil d cards , an d everyone is going to have at least a full house , so a lot of

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205

people don' t lik e t o be t i n thi s version . Bu t someone always gets a 3, and the pot always gets enormous. I f you get a 3 up late in the game an d you decide to match th e pot, you'd bette r have some good hol e cards. Woolworth is another variation—5s and 10 s (five an d .dime, get it?) are wild, and deuce s (two for a dollar) get an extr a card . Sportin g variations includ e Football : 6 s (points for a touchdown) an d 3s (field goal) are wild and deuces ( a safety ) ge t a n extr a card ; Basketball : 2 s ( a standard fiel d goal ) an d 5 s (numbe r o f player s o n a team) are wild, and 3 s (a three-point pla y or three-poin t field goal ) ge t a n extr a card ; an d Hockey , in which 6 s (number o f player s o n th e ic e a t on e time ) an d 3 s (number o f periods) ar e wil d and 7 s (a n upside-dow n hockey stick) ge t an extra card. Baseball, of course, i s a summer game. In the winter you don' t play baseball—at least not outdoors or nort h of sprin g training sites. Bu t poker player s are resource ful. Wh y give up your favorite spor t just because there' s four inche s of snow on the ground and your car's engine is a froze n bloc k o f metal? So for winter poker players, there i s Winter Baseball. Like winter golf, Winte r Basebal l ha s it s ow n se t o f rules to accoun t fo r the weather . ( I know—why do you need to change the rules for the poker variety of Baseball if al l poke r i s playe d indoors ? I f you hav e to ask , you'll never understand. ) Winte r Baseball i s playe d fro m th e end o f the Worl d Serie s t o th e firs t da y o f spring training—roughly the en d o f October t o the en d o f February. There i s no set way to play Winter Baseball becaus e the way Baseball i s played i s different everywhere . On e neighborhood versio n o f Basebal l ma y b e anothe r game's Winter Baseball . One o f th e mor e interestin g variations I'v e com e

206

THE GAME S

across concerns exposed wild 3s and matching the pot. In som e summer Basebal l games , i f the recipien t of an exposed 3 doesn't want to match the pot, the 3 is folded with the res t of his hand . But in Winter Baseball, th e player who gets the 3 but wishes t o sta y i n the han d ca n pu t the 3 on "waivers. " (For yo u non-basebal l fans , a ballplaye r i s pu t o n waivers b y a tea m tha t wants to ge t rid of him no w that he's hitting .220 with one home r and 1 4 rbi at the All-Star break. An y team ca n pic k hi m u p fo r a fixe d "waiver " price, if they're also willing—and stupid—enough to pay the outrageou s salar y negotiate d righ t afte r hi s caree r year two years ag o when h e batte d .310 , hit 32 homers, and knocke d i n 10 2 runs. But I digress.) The 3 is offere d to eac h playe r i n sequenc e t o th e lef t fro m th e playe r who originall y receive s it . I f the 3 i s sold , th e buye r matches th e po t and th e playe r who originall y received the 3 loses a card. It is not replaced, s o he plays with just six cards—unles s he' s luck y enoug h t o ge t a 4 and a n extra card. The game then continues a s before. If no one wants the 3, the playe r must fold hi s hand. Other winter variations include s trades of cards, just like real basebal l off-season moves . Poker players, being inventive fellows, aren' t content with only Baseball and Winte r Baseball. Steve Booth, the editor o f Video Review, sen t m e a mimeographe d shee t detailing the "official " rule s of Bullpen Poker and Winte r Bullpen Poker . Booth explains th e origin s of this game: "These wer e conceive d i n the fit of black humor following th e Mets ' loss to the Phils on Thursday, October 1 , 1987 , thereby losing any chance to tie the Card s fo r a divisio n playoff . W e dreamt u p these rule s as we halfheartedly playe d cards an d

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watched the Mets' bench play the Cards' bench i n a meaningless Octobe r 2-3- 4 series. " Bullpen Poker is played with Jokers, which, contrar y to the way Jokers ar e usuall y used, hav e n o value whatsoever. This is because the entir e game stem s fro m th e inadequacy o f the Me t bullpen durin g the lat e stages of the 198 7 season. Jokers ar e nickname d Joll y Roger after prankster an d forme r Me t Roge r McDowell . McDowell gave u p th e hom e run t o the Cardinals ' Terr y Pendleton in th e tent h innin g on Septembe r 1 2 that basicall y cos t the Met s any shot a t winning a second straigh t National League Eas t championship. Bullpen Poke r rule s ar e rathe r convolute d an d con tain reference s t o othe r ke y players fro m th e pennan t race, includin g car d play s calle d a "Terry " afte r Pen dleton; a "Jesse" named fo r ex-Met reliever Jesse Orosco , who gav e u p th e late-innin g homer t o th e Phil s in th e game durin g which Booth and his cronies cam e up with Bullpen; a "Cole-Man" after Card s speedster Vinc e Coleman; an d a "Davey" after Met s manager Dave y Johnson. Certain card s ar e als o nickname d fo r other prominen t Mets and Cardinals . Then ther e i s Nigh t Baseball , whic h i s simpl y NoPeek Baseball. What' s No Peek?

208

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NO PEEK All seve n card s ar e deal t down . Player s turn ove r onl y as man y cards a s necessar y to bea t th e showin g han d o f previou s player. Bettin g rounds follo w eac h player' s turn, no t th e tota l round . Pla y continue s until eac h player' s card s ar e al l revealed . High han d win s entir e pot .

BASICS

A masochist's drea m game. Each player gets seven cards down. T o start th e game , th e deale r turn s ove r a car d from a secon d dec k ( a car d turne d fro m th e dec k th e cards were dealt from mean s everyon e knows what card isn't availabl e t o them) . Th e playe r to th e dealer' s lef t exposes cards until he shows a better card or cards than the exposed card from the second deck. This first player opens a roun d o f betting—that's right , everyon e excep t the firs t playe r must be t withou t seeing an y par t of his hand. Th e next player then turns over cards on e b y one until h e ha s a bette r han d tha n th e previou s player . Player tw o open s anothe r roun d o f betting . The thir d player turns up cards one at a time until h e has beate n the previous hand. Player three opens. And so on. This is a laz y dealer's dream game—onc e he deals out the first seven cards , h e doesn't have to do another thin g excep t spend lot s of money waiting to turn over his own losing hand. Say the card turned over from the second deck i s a 9. The player on the dealer' s lef t turn s over a card unti l h e beats th e 9 . Say he turn s over a 9 . He must now tur n a

SEVEN-CARD STUD

209

second card s o he has a better card tha n the 9. He turns over a King . That' s bette r tha n a 9 , an d h e opens . The next playe r no w flip s card s on e b y on e unti l h e ha s better cards than a King-9. The gam e continue s unti l eac h playe r has reveale d all hi s card s o r ha s dropped . Th e bes t five-car d han d wins. Many player s lik e t o mak e cut e geometri c arrange ments o f the card s tha t li e fac e down i n fron t o f them. Others flip the cards out of sequence, pickin g them fro m the middl e of the pile . Other s hol d th e seve n card s i n their hand a s if their cards were a tiny deck. This is all a matter of personal style , one o f the few chances a player gets to express himsel f artistically at a poker table, other than i n the way he stacks his chips . No matte r ho w a playe r reveals hi s cards , th e on e thing he can't do is look at them. A player may be forced to matc h th e po t i f he look s a t hi s cards , an d h e i s automatically expunge d fro m th e hand . I n other, mor e liberal neighborhoo d games , a playe r who look s a t his cards has indicate d tha t he's ou t of the hand. The fun in No Pee k i s t o watch a playe r fol d to o early , loo k at hi s cards, an d find he had a great hand. STRATEGY

If you ar e th e first player, check. I f a lo w card i s revealed first, this game coul d g o on forever. The next player will not have to reveal many cards to beat it. Being the dealer can be a boon or bane—a bane because you will have to bet i n several round s withou t havin g a clu e a s t o what you have, a boo n becaus e you'll b e in the best position to tur n ove r al l your cards onc e i t does ge t t o b e your turn. This boon doesn't ofte n overcom e the bane , how ever. If you ge t an earl y pair, it' s a goo d ide a to raise afte r

210

THE GAME S

someone beat s you r hand . There' s a bette r chanc e of improving your hand with more cards lef t t o reveal than the guy who just topped you. Man y players lik e to bet or even rais e without having turned a card i f there are ba d hands reveale d behin d them. It's silly, but i t happens . VARIATIONS

When a player reveals al l his cards and cannot bea t the previous player' s hand , h e drops , no t betting . One rule states tha t th e playe r with the bes t hand—th e previou s player—can star t th e bettin g again. Thi s i s called bac k betting. Some hous e rules do not allow back betting . If a player cannot beat his neighbor, the next player starts to flip over hi s cards with no additiona l rounds o f betting. There i s als o a differen t wa y o f startin g the game . Instead o f flippin g ove r a car d fro m anothe r deck , th e first player turn s over on e car d fro m hi s hand . Without having to beat a previou s card , th e first player will only flip one card . Thi s make s th e gam e g o slowe r tha n i t usually would, but it allows a neighborhood grou p with only one dec k t o play this game the righ t way. THE GAME

No Pee k i s fa r easie r t o explai n wit h a run-through, however. We'l l pla y five-hande d (sinc e it' s a n all-hig h game), n o bac k betting. You'r e Player D. We'll star t thi s game in progress, wit h the first player flipping on e car d to start things off. Player A has already flipped up his first card, there's been a roun d o f betting, and Playe r B has flipped hi s first card. Player A: 2 Player B: 9

SEVEN-CARD STU D

211

Player A turned u p a deuce . Playe r B flippe d u p a 9 , which beats a deuce, s o he bets. Player C now flips. Player C: K A Kin g obviousl y beats a 9 , s o Playe r C bets. Yo u flip next. You: 6

A 6 doesn't bea t a King . Kee p going. You: 6

3

A 6-3 doesn't beat a King. Kee p going. You: 6

3

A

Hold it ! An Ace beats a King . I f you ha d als o turne d a King, your K-6- 3 would beat a plain King, and you would have bet. O r if you had turne d up a pair of 6s or 3s, you would have beaten th e King . Now I have t o ge t a pair , o r a t leas t a n A-7 , to bea t your hand. I begin to flip.

Dealer: 4 A 4 doesn't bea t an Ace.

Dealer: 4

6

A 4-6 doesn't beat an Ace.

Dealer: 4

6

4

Ah, a pair of 4s on the third card. Th e price of poker has just gone up. I bet. Everyone else calls. Player A starts to flip for the secon d time . He has to beat a pair of 4s. Player A: 2

8

An 8- 2 won't do it .

212

Player A: 2

THE GAMES

8 J

A J-8-2 won't d o it . Player A: 2

8 J

J

Ah! A pair o f Jacks beat s m y pai r o f 4s. Playe r A no w bets. We all call . Player B flips again . Player B: 9

6

Soixante neu f of spades. Looks good, but i t doesn't bea t Jacks. Player B: 9

6

A

6

A

A-9-6. No help. Player B: 9

8

An 8. That's three to a straight, but it doesn't beat the pair of Jacks. Player B: 9

6

A

8

5

A 5 makes i t four t o an insid e straight . He needs the 7. Player B: 9

6

A

8

5

3

A 3 i s no t a 7 . It fits in with a lon g straight , but h e stil l needs the 7. Player B: 9

6

A

8

5

3

Q

A Queen. Luck y Player B. He didn't even have a pair, and his nightmar e is over. He can no w fold an d laug h at the rest of us. There is no back betting , so Player C now begins his second flip without futher ado, lookin g to match his first King to bea t Playe r A's Jacks. Player C: K

J

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SEVEN-CARD STUD

Player A' s Jack . Tw o hearts t o a straigh t flush , bu t i t doesn't beat a pair of Jacks. Player C: K

J

7

There's the 7 that Player B was lookin g for , but i t doesn't do Playe r C much good. Player C: K

J

7

4

My 4, but a third heart. Player C: K

J

7

4

10

7

4

10

Three to a straight, Player C: K

J

9

Four t o a straigh t an d fou r t o a flush . H e 'needs th e Queen fo r a goo d hand , o r a secon d Kin g o r anothe r heart. Las t card : Player C: K

J

7

4

10

9

10

A flush! Almost a straight flush. A flush is almost unbeatable i n thi s game . H e bet s lik e there' s n o tomorrow . Everyone thinks about it, but no one drops. They believe there is a tomorrow. During the betting round you had a tough decision. A flush won' t b e eas y t o beat . Bu t you hav e tw o clubs, including the Ace, so you stayed in. You flip a card; You: 6

3

A

A

With a pair of Aces, you have a shot at the full house. You keep flipping. You: 6

3

A

A

Q

A Quee n give s yo u anothe r chanc e fo r a secon d pair . Keep going .

214

You: 6

THE GAMES

3

A

A

Q

3

A second 3! Aces over 3s and on e shor t of the ful l hous e to beat th e flush . Fli p the last card, and hop e it' s an Ace or a 3. You: 6

3

A

A

Q

3

K

A Kin g doesn' t help . You fold; Playe r C bets lik e there's no next week. Player A and I both call. We know there's a next week. We both have dates.

Dealer: 4

Q

4

6

Someone's Queen . Not a 4 or 6 toward a ful l house .

Dealer: 4

4

6

Q

6

Ah! Another 6. Two pair toward the ful l house. I know all the 6 s are gone—yo u an d Playe r B each ha d one—s o I need a 4.

Dealer: 4

Q

4

6

6

K

A King's a nice card , just not in this spot. On e card left . Slowly I turn. . . .

Dealer: 4

4

6

Q

6

K

J

A Jack. I fold. Playe r C bets lik e there's no nex t month. Player A i s th e onl y one lef t t o bea t th e flush . H e needs a thir d Jac k an d a secon d pair . H e check s th e calendar. Ther e is no next month, so he throws caution to the wind. Player A: 2

8

J

J

5

Nope. He has to turn up a match on his next card, or he's out. Player A: 2

8

J

J

5

9

215

SEVEN-CARD STUD

Nope. It doesn't matter what the last card is , but we'll flip it anyway . Player A: 2

8

J

J

5

9

5

There's the second pair—Jacks and 5s, a winner in most of these hands . Playe r C, however, ful l wit h the flush o f victory, collect s th e pot . "Flush " o f victory . H e go t a flush. Ge t it? Oh, never mind. NIGHT BASEBALL No-Peek Baseball , playe r with a wil d 3 matches th e po t o r folds . As I noted, Nigh t Baseball i s No-Peek Baseball. All seven cards are dealt down , 3s and 9s are wild, a 4 gets you an extra card fro m th e deck . I f you get a wild 3, you have t o match th e pot to stay in. I ca n hea r th e snicker s now . I hear the m a t m y ow n table. Nigh t Baseball ? Ho w ca n yo u be t thi s game ? Where's the strategy? This can't make an y sense. My answe r t o thi s i s tha t th e mos t heart-rending , palm-sweating, stomach-butterflying , an d wallet-empty ing han d I have eve r playe d wa s a gam e o f Night Base ball. It was a dar k an d storm y night . I had ticket s fo r th e Mets game—against the Cardinals, no less. Even though they were goin g to pla y the game , I had n o desir e t o sit through th e predictabl e rai n delay s onl y to watch the m lose (eternal optimis t that I am). I got a call from Jim that there wa s a poke r gam e a t Tom' s hous e tha t night . I

216

THE GAME S

looked ou t th e windo w an d consulte d m y buddy Ron, with whom I was suppose d t o attend the game; we both decided t o ca n it . H e wante d t o b e wit h hi s ne w girlfriend, an d I had ticket s t o th e gam e th e nex t nigh t anyway. When I got to Tom's apartment, he ha d th e Met s game o n th e static-fille d radio , an d w e listene d t o i t throughout our own unfolding drama . Jim occupie d hi s regula r sea t a t th e hea d o f th e rectangular dinin g room table , t o m y left . Nex t t o him, on his left and across the table from me , was Frank, then Tom, Steve at the foo t of the table, Marty, and me . Befor e Marty arrived, I had wo n earl y and buil t up quit e a stack of chips . Marty , though , always bring s m e ba d luck . It may be my imagination, but I don't think I've ever beaten him man o a mano , an d I can't see m t o wi n anythin g when he' s there . Thi s nigh t wa s n o exception . Sur e enough, as soon as he sat in , I started to lose . Baseball, especiall y Nigh t Baseball , i s th e popula r game at this table. B y dropping early on hand s I had n o chance in, I managed to hang on by my fingernails as th e night dragged on . At about 10:30 , we decided we would play one las t hand, which coincided with the end of the Mets game. I was dow n onl y $4, which was a victory at that poin t considerin g I had wo n onl y on e han d sinc e Marty sat down two hours earlier. Frank dealt and calle d Nigh t Baseball. From the sec ond deck he opened u p a 9, which was not wild but just a 9 and an omen of things to come. Tom, the first to flip, opened a King to beat the 9 and bet. Steve turned up a 3 and ha d t o match th e pot . H e didn't complain, since it was early in the game, which is the time to get a wild 3. He threw in his chips , but h e stil l hadn' t beat the King . He turned over another card. An Ace. A pair of Aces with the wild card. H e bet; we all called. Marty was th e thir d playe r to flip. Marty had t o bea t

SEVEN-CARD STUD

217

Steve's pai r o f Aces . H e flippe d a wil d 9 . H e flippe d another 9 . A pair o f 9 s wa s jus t a pai r o f 9 s unti l h e matched the m with a non-wil d card, s o he had to kee p turning. A third 9. Three o f a kind and 3 wild cards. He bet $1, the table limit. I figured , fo r a dolla r I' d se e wha t I' d have . I knew I had to beat at least four of a kind, since that's what Marty was guarantee d wit h three wil d cards . Th e odds o f me being able to beat it were low , so I would spend a dollar to loo k a t m y cards an d maintai n a fain t hop e o f winning. I paid th e dolla r and starte d to flip. An ace o f spades. A Queen o f spades. A 7 of spades. A wild 3. "Tim e to mak e a n investment, " Steve noted . I looked a t m y cards. Thre e card s t o a roya l flush with three card s t o go . Stev e counte d u p th e po t a s I con templated th e odds of coming up with a hand that could beat Marty' s three-wild-cards-plu s possibility. I owe d $13.75. I fel t lucky , which mad e n o sens e considerin g who I was playin g against. But I couldn't let this hand ge t away fro m m e thi s soon . I too k a dee p breat h an d matched th e pot. I know, I know. Bad move . Bu t I did it , and it' s the onl y reason that I can tel l the res t of this story. I had fou r cards t o a flush , bu t I hadn't beaten Marty' s three 9 s yet . Afte r I paid th e $13.7 5 t o matc h th e pot , I kept turning my cards. Th e next card was a 5 of spades. I had th e flush . Th e 5 , 7 , an d wil d 3 wer e thre e t o a straight flush. I als o had thre e to a roya l flush. I had beaten th e thre e 9s , an d I ha d tw o card s left . I bet a quarter. Everyon e calle d excep t Marty , who raise d a dollar. I had to o muc h investe d i n th e han d t o dro p a t this point, so I called, as di d everyone else . One b y one, Ji m flippe d hi s cards , whic h included the case wild 9, but he couldn't beat my flush. He folded. The bet came back to me and I checked. Fran k checked ,

218

THE GAME S

Tom checked, Stev e checked, Mart y bet a dollar . We all called. Frank flippe d ove r hi s cards . H e couldn' t bea t m y flush either , an d h e folded . 1 checked, To m checked , Steve checked, Mart y bet a dollar. We all called . Tom who ha d th e earl y King , flippe d al l hi s cards , couldn't bea t m y flush , an d folded . I checked , Stev e checked, Mart y bet a dollar. We both called. Steve, who had a wild 3 and an Ace, flipped the rest of hi s cards , couldn' t bea t m y flush , an d folded . I checked; Mart y bet a dollar . I called. It was jus t me an d Marty. It was now Marty' s tur n ,to add to his wil d cards . He flipped a card . Th e Kin g o f hearts. H e ha d fou r Kings . Jim, Frank, and To m each had show n a King , s o I knew Marty didn't have another King. All the 9s were gone, so I knew he wouldn't get another wild 9. Marty bet a dollar; I called. I ha d tw o card s lef t t o bea t fou r Kings . I flippe d a card. A wild 3, the third one, leavin g one more 3.1 now had thre e Aces, fou r card s t o a lo w straight flush , an d four card s t o a roya l flush—bu t I stil l hadn' t beate n Marty's fou r Kings . I ha d on e car d lef t t o turn . Bu t i n order t o se e tha t on e car d an d b e eligibl e t o wi n th e hand, I had t o match the pot . As I agai n contemplate d th e odds , Stev e an d To m counted u p all the chips that lay scattered i n the middle of the table . There were at leas t two Aces left , I thought to myself , an d on e wil d 3 . Th e Kin g an d th e Jac k o f spades were bot h out , so ther e wa s n o way I'd get the royal flush, but there had no t been many low spades. My chances for a low straight flush were still good, as were the odds for four Aces. O n the other hand, the Kin g did Marty n o good . Al l the hig h heart s wer e gone , s o h e couldn't get the straight flush. He had to have two cards

SEVEN-CARD STUD

219

to a straight flush or a pair amongst his remaining three cards to have better than four o f a kind. Steve announce d tha t ther e wa s $4 3 i n th e pot . 1 would hav e t o pay $43 to see m y last card. With all th e betting, I ha d alread y investe d mor e tha n $2 0 i n th e hand. No t to pay the $43 would be throwing away all that money, I illogicall y reasoned. Bu t mor e important , if I dropped, Mart y would have won the hand automatically. I woul d hav e looke d a t m y las t car d an d possibl y dis covered th e las t 3 , a lo w spade, o r a n Ace , bu t Mart y would no t have ha d t o show m e hi s remainin g cards— and h e wouldn' t have , becaus e that's ho w h e plays . I f I didn't play it out I would be plagued fo r the rest of my life by not knowing whether I could hav e won th e hand . I don' t thin k th e othe r guy s expected m e t o pa y th e $43—and logically , they were right—althoug h they were cheering fo r it . Vicariou s thrill , an d al l that . It' s why people lik e to watch executions . Th e odds were against me and dictate d that I fold. But it was th e las t hand of the night, and I had t o know. I slowl y stoo d up , reache d int o m y pocket , an d pulled out two crisp $20 bills and a crisper five-spot that I ha d gotte n fro m th e cas h machin e befor e the game . I tossed the m int o the po t and too k bac k tw o tiny dollar chips. A s the othe r fellow s applauded m y courage/stupidity, I shook Marty' s hand , and , stil l standing , I con templated my last down card. The room was stoc k still . I withdrew into myself an d watched a white corpuscle tak e the complete tou r of my cardiovascular system . I went over the possibilitie s on e more time, this time out lou d with all the othe r guys. To soothe m y fraye d emotions , the y acknowledge d tha t I did the righ t thing. No matter what the card was, I had t o see it . That rationalization didn't make paying $43 to see one car d an y easier. Thos e crisp , classy bill s lyin g there

220

THE GAMES

amongst al l thos e cheap, garis h plasti c chips . I had t o rescue them fro m thei r ignominious fate. There wa s onl y on e thin g I coul d d o fo r them . I reached down , too k a deep breath , and turned over the last card . An Ace! Four Aces! Much joy was expressed . The game, however, wasn't over. Marty still had three cards left , bu t ther e wer e onl y long possibilitie s o f him having th e necessar y card s t o bea t me . A s the fellow s congratulated me o n m y great pull, I checked. I was tired of throwin g money i n th e pot . Mart y checked . Wit h al most $9 0 in the pot, on e extr a dollar didn't make much difference. Mart y reache d fo r hi s nex t car d an d slowl y turned it. Oh, somewhere i n this favored city, the sun is shining bright, the band i s playing somewhere, an d somewher e hearts ar e light . And somewhere me n ar e laughin g an d somewhere childre n shout with glee. But there is no joy on 32d Street. Mighty Marty pulled the case wild 3. Five Kings. Four wild cards on five cards. To sa y I was stunne d doesn' t sa y anything . I don' t think I ha d eve r see n anyon e ge t fou r wil d card s i n a game of Baseball, much les s o n the first five cards. The other guy s yelled an d screamed . I just chuckle d lightly . What else coul d I do? I pulled on m y rain slicker, picked up my umbrella, sincerely shook hands with everyone at the table, and walked out lik e a man, dignity intact, if a little ligh t i n the pocket . Oh, yeah. The Mets also lost.

SIX-CARD VARIATIONS Sometimes there will b e eigh t players at your table. You can't play seven-card stu d with eight players. If everyone

SEVEN-CARD STUD

221

stays in, that's a total of 56 cards. Adding the Jokers won't help. So, play six-card variations of the aforementioned games. In most cases, you eliminate one of the up cards; th e hands ar e dealt two down, three up, one down. The one exception I make t o thi s i s Follo w the Queen , whic h I deal on e down , fou r up , an d on e down . Thi s way you expose four cards, and i n Follow the Queen, you want to expose a s man y Queen s a s possibl e t o continually change th e wild cards . You can also play six-card stud with a spit card—one community card turne d u p a t a predetermine d point in the hand—at the start, right after everyone get s their first three cards; in the middle, as if everyone had received a separate card ; o r befor e th e fina l dow n car d i s dealt . Whenever th e spi t car d i s revealed , i t i s followe d by a round of betting. The spit card ca n be wild or not, base d on what gam e you're dealing . For instance, i f you make the spit card wild, turn it right after eac h player receives his hole cards. If you flip up a 7, all 7s are wild. If the spit card isn' t wild and you turn up a 7, then each player has a 7 . The deale r need s t o tel l th e player s when th e spit card i s coming. There ar e als o game s tha t ar e playe d a s six-car d games. There's a game calle d Squeeze , whic h i s simply six-card high/lo w with a buy/substitutio n at th e end . I don't lik e to play six-card game s when I can pla y seven; there's n o reaso n no t t o dea l ou t th e extr a car d i f there are les s tha n eigh t players. Playin g six-car d stu d when you hav e enoug h card s t o pla y seve n i s wors e tha n kissing you r sister—it' s mor e lik e kissin g you r brothe r when h e hasn't shave d i n three days .

CHAPTER

16

Draw

Drawpokeristhemostwelknowfrmofpker.It's

raw poker is the most well known from of poker it's the game played i n movie westerns an d th e M&M s commercial ("Thes e card s ar e marked! " "Yeah , they'r e a mess!" ' A chocolate mess!"), and it' s the gam e use d fo r strip poker. Draw, however , i s no t popula r i n low-stake s poke r since i t is, by nature, a bluffin g game . In draw poker, you can't se e the cards th e other players are holding, so you can onl y bluff b y betting large sums o f money. It's tough to bluf f somebod y ou t o f a han d whe n you'r e onl y betting dimes, quarters , or half-dollars. Also, in a typical draw poker game there are only two betting rounds—one before the draw and on e after . Limited bettin g rounds plu s lo w stakes equal s sub-atomic sized pots . Thi s equatio n prove s lac k o f fu n i n dra w poker. Who wants to clap the erasers ? But thanks to the imaginative folks over at FCD (that's Five-Card Dra w t o thos e i n th e know) , Inc. , ther e ar e some five-car d dra w variation s tha t per k u p thi s ol d favorite. Th e hard-workin g poker engineer s at FCD have 222

DRAW

223

come up with some five-card draw games that are filled with wonderful wild cards, splendi d spli t pots, an d po t sizes for every poker hand. They're fu n for poker kids of all ages. And no chocolate mess, either. BASIC PLAY

Five card s ar e deal t dow n t o eac h player . Ther e i s a betting round . Each player , i n the sequence in which the hand was dealt, ca n "draw, " or substitute card s from th e deck for the same number o f cards from hi s hand. Thre e cards i s the usua l maximu m numbe r o f cards a playe r can draw ; som e games allow fou r card s to b e draw n if the playe r i s holdin g an Ace . Personally , I haven't see n someone try to draw four cards with an Ace since grammar school . No mor e tha n si x players ca n pla y i n one five-card draw hand . A potentia l dra w o f thre e card s fo r eac h player mean s eac h playe r ca n receiv e a tota l o f eigh t cards. This proble m i s solve d b y draw diehards who , if there are mor e than si x draw participants, ofte n shuffl e discards back into the deck befor e the draw round. This practice, of course, leads to the unfortunat e eventualit y of re-dealin g card s t o th e player s tha t ha d earlie r dis carded them. Be ready to handle bitchin g and moanin g if you emplo y thi s card-shortage solution . There ar e thre e ways t o handl e th e bettin g i n dra w poker. Guts to open: Anyone can ope n in the first betting round before th e draw . Th e optio n t o ope n begin s wit h th e player to the lef t o f the deale r an d passe s fro m playe r to player until someone—or no one—opens. After the draw round, the player who opened the first time around i s the

224

THE GAMES

lead betto r fo r the secon d bettin g round. H e can either bet again o r check to the player on his left . Jacks o r Better: The opening bet option i s limited only to a playe r holding at leas t a pair of Jacks. I n other words, you mus t hav e a han d tha t can bea t a pair of 10s . If no one has openers, the hand i s re-dealt. (On e particularl y dim playe r I know o f didn' t open i n a Jack s o r Bette r game becaus e h e ha d tw o pair—but neithe r of the pair could beat Jacks. We were all incredulous, eve n more so when thi s gu y ende d u p winnin g th e hand—h e dis carded thre e cards , includin g a pair , an d dre w thre e Kings fo r th e ful l house . Wha t d o yo u d o wit h player s like this?) The option to open start s with the player to the left o f th e dealer . Player s wh o can' t ope n simpl y sa y "pass" or, more colloquially, "by me," until someone can open. Again , th e lea d betto r fro m th e first round open s the second round . A variation of this game i s Jacks o r Better , Lowball . What happen s i s that i f no on e ha s Jack s o r better, the game becomes five-card draw, all low. Players with great low hands hop e n o one ca n open . W e tried this once. It was okay , nothin g special . Jus t anothe r fin e produc t from FCD , Inc . Jacks o r Better, Trips t o Win: This is the same as Jacks o r Better, bu t a t th e en d o f th e game , th e winnin g han d must b e a t leas t thre e of a kind . The game i s played a s usual, through opening bet , draw, and final bet, but if no player ha s a t leas t thre e o f a kind , th e po t stay s a s is , everyone re-antes , an d anothe r han d i s dealt . Anyon e who dropped ou t of the previous hand is not re-dealt; he is out unti l someon e win s with thre e o f a kin d an d th e deal shifts . Trip s to win is often playe d with a wild card so the game doesn't go on all night.

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225

Jacks o r Bette r and Jack s o r Better , Trip s to Win can mean severa l hands will be dealt before a game is completed. To perk up th e proceedings, many dealers intro duce th e concept o f "progression" int o the game. There is progressiv e ante—i f n o one ca n ope n o r no one ha s trips to win and a new hand has to be dealt, each playe r re-antes doubl e the ant e of the previou s hand. If no on e has Jack s t o open o r trips to win in succeeding hands , the antes continu e to increase geometrically. There is also progressive hands—i f no one has a pair of Jacks, th e nex t round you'll need a pair of Queens t o open. Then a pair of Kings. Then a pair of Aces. I f there is stil l n o opener , the require d hand revert s either back to Jack s o r dow n on e t o Kings . I'v e neve r hear d o f progressive winners—if n o one has trips, the next round you'll nee d a straigh t to win. But if it can b e though t of, rest assured someon e wil l call it. If you're not playin g with gentleme n (a distinct pos sibility i n low-stake s poker) , som e unscrupulou s and greedy so t wil l ope n i n a Jack s o r Bette r gam e without having Jack s o r better . T o cover thi s mistrustfu l con tingency, the folk s a t FC D created "sho w your openers. " Ofttimes th e gu y who open s doesn' t win. After th e po t has bee n decided , th e playe r who opene d mus t reveal the cards he deemed goo d enoug h to open with. Once introduce d and use d once , thi s rule nee d no t be followe d meticulously. It's sort o f lik e a n Arm y spo t check. You've got to keep your bunk and locke r spotless, just i n case Sarge comes i n with a pair of kid gloves. STRATEGY

The hints to what a player is holding are in how he bet s and how many cards he draws. For this reason, you don't want anyone to know how many cards you want to draw

226

THE GAME S

until it' s your turn to draw . Many players lik e t o arrang e their hands, then plac e the cards they want to get rid of in fron t o f them while waiting for their turn to draw. Your decision a s t o how man y card s t o kee p o r dra w coul d depend o n wha t othe r player s i n fron t o f you draw . An adroit dra w dand y ca n spo t th e les s proficien t players who discard before thei r time and can take advantage of it by changing how many cards he discards . If yo u se e th e player s i n fron t o f you al l askin g for three cards, which mean s the best anyone ha s is a pair, you ma y want to fak e the m ou t b y keeping a "kicker" — an extr a car d tha t doesn' t matc h th e pai r yo u ma y b e holding. Th e kicker i s a high card, like an Ace, that you keep wit h a lo w pair in the hope that you'll pair it up to give you two pair. A player could have two 7s, not a great pair, and b e holding an Ace or a King. His odds of getting a goo d car d g o up , sinc e he' s no w lookin g t o matc h either hi s pai r o f 7s o r hi s kicker , the Kin g o r th e Ace . Either eventualit y wil l giv e hi m a goo d hand . Keepin g three cards, however, leads your opponents into thinking you may already have trips . So, I'm sitting to your right. I'm holding all my cards. I see you place three cards down, meanin g tha t th e best you have is a pair. All I have is a pair, but I decide t o kee p a kicker to make you think I've got three of a kind. When it's my turn to bet, I raise. Unless you caught some cards, you're immeasurabl y thick , or you'r e immeasurabl y far ahead, you'll drop in the fac e of my bluff. I f you raise me , unless I caught som e cards, am immeasurabl y thick , or am immeasurabl y far ahead, I'l l drop. The dra w i s where th e bluffin g come s in. I f a player draws thre e cards , h e eithe r ha s jus t a pai r o r ha s nothing and i s hoping to pair up. It's unusual for a player with not even a pair to stay in, especially if the first round of betting is substantial. A player taking two cards, how -

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227

ever, i s tricky. He could b e truthfu l an d b e holding three of a kind . He could hav e a lo w pair and b e keepin g a kicker. W e all hop e h e isn' t stupi d enoug h t o tr y an d draw two cards to complete a straight or flush. We hope. If a playe r stays pa t wit h his origina l five cards i n a low-stakes game , you' d bette r hav e a goo d han d i f you plan o n stickin g around . I n high-stake s poker , man y players try to bluff b y not taking any cards. A player who keeps al l fiv e card s i n a high-stake s gam e coul d b e holding a straight , a flush, or higher (if he has fou r o f a kind o f his first five cards, ther e i s no reaso n t o ask for one card except to bluff; h e should als o play the lottery before th e da y i s over)—or nothin g but a bi g bluff . Th e big bluffer bet s big bucks i n the hopes of scaring al l the other players out of the game and winning by default. He wins the hand because he bet a lot, not because he had a good hand—wha t poker pros cal l "buying" a pot. In low-stakes poker , however, no one can bet enough to scare everyon e ou t o f the game—it' s toug h to bu y a pot in low-stakes poker . It doesn't cost that much to keep the bumper honest, an d someone always stays i n just to satisfy hi s ow n curiosity . (M y publisher say s sh e ha s made this "I'l l play these" bluff "occasionally , and with very amusin g results—mayb e it' s a woman' s bluff. " I wouldn't b e surprised . Mayb e women be t a s i f they're playing fo r high stakes, eve n i f the stake s ar e 25-cents off-Campbell's-Soup coupons. Men don't hav e such vivid imaginations.) To recap: Keep five cards together i n your hand unti l the dealer asks you "How many?" When he does, stare at him whil e casuall y rearrangin g your cards , giv e eac h player at the table a final haughty look, take a long drag from you r Camel unfiltere d an d a casua l si p fro m you r highball, boldl y remov e you r discards fro m you r hand, toss them int o the po t with all the ela n you can muster,

228

THE GAME S

and sharpl y tel l th e deale r ho w man y card s yo u want . When yo u ge t you r ne w cards , kee p you r han d fac e down an d slid e th e ne w card s togethe r wit h th e ol d ones. Keepin g the m fac e down , slowl y shuffl e you r hand. When the cards are sufficiently mixe d together, lif t them clos e t o your eye s and sprea d the m apar t slowly , revealing on e car d a t a time. Afte r seein g al l five, place your hand fac e down i n front of your chips. Don't change your expression , don' t sa y a word . Yo u are th e poke r totem, a refug e fro m Easte r Island . You're the man , th e unbeatable Lance y Howar d fro m Th e Cincinnati Kid. You're Rhett Butler playing with your jailers. You're Miles Davis waitin g fo r your solo . You'r e s o cool , you're hot . You finger your chips, carefully pick up a pile, look at the expectant face s aroun d th e table , an d bluf f you r ass off. VARIATIONS

One way to bolste r th e po t i s to charge fo r draw cards. You ca n charg e th e sam e amoun t fo r eac h car d o r a progressive amoun t fo r eac h additiona l card—fo r in stance, $1 for the first card, $ 2 for the second card, $ 3 for the thir d card, an d $ 5 i f you wan t a fourt h car d (i f you have a n Ace and eighth-grad e graduation is still a wee k away). Another wa y t o increas e you r po t siz e i s t o pla y a variation calle d " 2 Hands 2 Win," obviously though t u p by someon e wh o like s Princ e (wh o als o like s usin g numbers instea d o f word s i n hi s son g titles) . I n thi s version, you need to win two hands before you claim the pot. Thi s take s pot-buildin g to it s illogica l conclusion . Every player a t th e tabl e coul d conceivabl y wi n a han d before someon e win s a secon d hand . Everyon e would be bettin g t o mak e th e po t large r fo r himself . A nasty

DRAW

229

variation, to say the least, but my job is to suggest, not to judge—unless I want to . There are , o f course , othe r way s o f playin g dra w poker.

SPIT IN THE OCEAN Four-card dea l wit h a two-car d dra w an d one expose d communit y car d tha t i s each player's fifth card, whic h ca n b e wild or not .

BASICS

Spit i n th e Ocea n i s a four-card , two-card-dra w game . Four cards are dealt to each player with a chance to draw two (three with an Ace, if you're still prepubescent). Afte r the dow n card s a n u p car d i s dealt , whic h ca n b e a community card or a community wild card. For instance, i f the spi t card i s a communit y 4, then everyone ha s a t least on e 4 in his hand. I f you also hav e a 4 , the n yo u hav e a pai r o f 4s . I f th e spi t car d i s community wild, all 4s ar e the n wild. If you hav e a 4 in your hand, you have two wild cards. I n the case of a wild spit card , everyon e automaticall y has a t leas t a pair , s o there is no need t o declare "Jack s or Better" or any other opening option . WHAT WILL WIN

With the wild spit card, two pair becomes a full house . A full hous e is often th e winning hand when the spit-cardis-wild option is used.

230

THE GAMES

THE GAME

Let's pla y a five-hande d game . You be Playe r B . This i s straight draw—gut s t o open, anythin g to win . The spit card i s wild. Here's the spit card: 9

And here's th e deal : Player A: (8

9 K

J

Player A, with a wild 9 , has a t leas t thre e Kings , and h e opens.

You: ( 5

Q

8

3 )

You have the flush, and yo u raise . Player C: (9

Q A 9

)

Player C, with two wild 9s, has fou r Aces, and h e raises. (Gosh, three raises already . Isn't this exciting?) Player D: (5

K

4

5 )

Player D has a pair of natural 5s, and with the wild card, he has thre e 5s. But there are two raisers, which means someone els e ha s wil d cards . H e doesn' t fee l grea t about th e odds of getting additional 5s. He drops . Dealer: (7

10

10

4 )

I have a pair of natural 10s , which means I have trip 10 s with the wild spit card. I should know better, but I don't. I call. You and Playe r A call Playe r C's raise. Time for the draw. I'll re-list the old hand, explain th e discard, and show you the new hand after th e draw with the new cards after th e dash.

DRAW

Player A: (8

9

K

231

J )

Player A is looking for Kings. H e discards th e 8 and th e Jack. H e gets back Player A: (9

K —2

J )

a deuc e an d Jack of clubs an d s o ha s an Ace-high club flush, usin g the wild spit card a s a n Ace . With two wild cards, h e i s one car d shy of the royal flush. A near-royal flush looks good , bu t a flush isn't suc h a great han d i n Spit i n th e Ocean . Someon e almos t alway s ha s a ful l house. He doesn't drop yet but anticipates th e first raise.

You: ( 5

Q 8

3 )

You, with your flush, stay pat. This scares a lot of people, but you know, as Playe r A does, that a flush rarely wins, not with a bumper ahead o f you. You really have no other options to get a better hand. You'll end up dropping if the betting gets too high. Player C: (9

Q A 9

)

Player C, the bumper , wants on e card . Eithe r he's fakin g you all out by keeping a kicker or he has three of a kind in hi s hand . Three of a kin d i n his han d mean s a mini mum o f four of a kind with the wild spit card. H e tosses the Queen and get s bac k Player C: (9

A

9 —7 )

a 7 of spades. Th e 7 doesn't help , bu t h e stil l ha s fou r Aces. You may be asking why he took a card an d risked giving a hint to his hand. With three wild cards, a straight flush—any other low or high heart would have given him one—was a distinct possibility, and a straight flush beats four o f a kind.

232

THE GAME S

Player D: Folded. Dealer: (7

10

10

4 )

I'm beginnin g t o realiz e tha t I haven't a scra p paper' s chance in an incinerator . But , since I'v e already paid my money, I chuck th e 7 and th e 4 and ge t Dealer: (10

10 —A

10 )

another 10 . That's fou r 10s , a decent hand . I'l l stay in. Obviously, Player C's four Aces wins. You had on e of the flus h hand s and , afte r bot h Playe r C and th e deale r raised, you dropped a s planned, along with Player A. Now, if the spi t card wasn't wild , I, the dealer , would have won with trip 10s, beating Player C's trip 9s. That's what I get for calling a wild-card game . VARIATION

Some pla y this gam e with the communit y card wil d all by itself—nothin g els e lik e it , jus t tha t card . Everyon e has on e wil d card. I' m not sur e I understand thi s variation. Why do you need t o turn up a car d tha t will auto matically be wil d regardless o f what i t is? Why no t jus t deal out fou r card s to eac h playe r and tel l the m the y have a fift h imaginar y card tha t i s wild ? Oh , I forgot — men don't hav e vivid enough imaginations.

DRAW

233

HIGH/LOW Normal five-car d draw , playe d high/low . Yeah, I know, draw high/low sounds weird. If you can' t see you r opponents ' cards , ho w d o yo u know who' s betting high , who's bettin g low , and wh o you're bettin g against? Bu t draw high/lo w reall y builds u p a nic e po t and keeps a lot of players in the game simply because no one has a clue as to what anyone has . Because lo w hands ca n win , there i s no suc h thing as Jack s o r Bette r or an y othe r openin g prerequisit e in this game. It' s always guts to open in draw high/low. THE GAME

I'll dea l a six-hande d gam e t o illustrat e the wonderfu l wackiness o f draw high/low. You be Playe r B again. Player A: (6

9

5

4

Q

A

3

10 )

Q ) Player A is the firs t player to th e lef t o f the deale r s o h e has the first open option. H e has fou r club s to a flush— only th e Quee n doesn' t fit . I f he tosse s th e Quee n an d gets bac k a non-club, low card, he'l l have a decent 9-6down. Wit h possibilities fo r both a high and a low hand, Player A will exercise hi s option to open .

You: (9

Three heart s t o a straigh t flus h (9-10-Quee n o f hearts ) with two to draw doesn't presen t a great opportunity. Bu t you hav e a n A- 3 for the star t of a goo d low . You plan t o take three card s fo r the low , call, and hope .

THE GAME S

234

Player C: (Q

9

7

4

10 )

Nothing low , nothin g high—unles s yo u thin k drawin g three card s t o a n insid e straigh t (9-10-Queen) , o r a 9down with two cards to draw, is a good possibility . Player C folds. Player D: (J

2

Q

7

10 )

Another playe r wit h thre e card s t o a straigh t (albei t a n outside straight : 10-Jack-Queen ) o r a 7- 2 t o th e low . Player D will toss the possibl e straight and wor k on th e low. He calls. 2

Player E: (A

8

K

10

)

An 8-2-A to a fin e low . Player E raises. Dealer: (2

K

K

9

3 )

A pai r o f Kings . 1 call. S o doe s everyon e els e (excep t poor Player C, who i s forced t o watch) . Time t o draw . I tur n t o Playe r A an d politel y ask , "How many cards you want?" The ol d han d i s liste d first ; ne w card s follo w th e dash. Player A: (6

9

5

4

Q )

Player A needs th e flus h fo r a hig h or an y decen t lo w card fo r a low , an d th e Quee n doesn' t figur e i n eithe r possibility. He tells me he wants on e card an d tosses the Queen. Th e other player s think: a great low, or one car d shy of a flus h o r straight . Smart players. H e would hav e raised with tw o pair, so smart players will discount tha t possibility. He is deal t Player A: (6

9

5

4 —5

)

for a pair of 5s. He'll wait and late r fol d gracefully.

235

DRAW

You: (9

Q A

10 )

3

Do you want to go for the flus h o r the low ? You toss th e three heart s an d kee p th e A-3 , although you kno w that drawing thre e lo w cards i s stretchin g things. Everyone thinks: A pair. You get bac k

You: (A

3 —6

J )

4

A damned Jack ! A great lo w ruined by one brick . That's the consequence s o f drawing three t o a low . But don't fold yet . Player C: Folded. Player D: (J

2

Q

7

10 )

Player D isn't goin g to dra w two t o a straight—inside , outside, o r inside-out . H e hold s th e 7-2 , knowing the odds o f drawing three lo w cards aren' t too goo d either, tosses the three high cards, an d gets 7 —4

Player D: (2

J

A )

Another Jack! He'll wants to drop but will also wait.

2

Player E: (A

8

K

10 )

Player E is going for the low; he keeps the 8-2- A and ask s for tw o cards. He gets

2

Player E: (A

8 —8

8 )

a pai r of 8s back. Ho w quickly a hand ca n change ! Tw o more 8 s for trips. Player E goes from th e lowes t han d t o the highest.

Dealer: (2

K

K

9

3

I'm thinking Kings. I discard th e 2-3- 9 and ge t back

236

Dealer: (K

THE GAMES

K —5

5

3 )

a pair of 5s. A nice high two pair, Kings up. Player A, who opene d th e first time around bu t now has a lousy pai r of 5s, checks. With a Jack-low, so do you. Player D (Player C dropped), with another Jack-low , also checks. Player E, with his three 8s, opens. I have a high two pair, Kings over, so I raise. Player A, with his pai r of fives, drops. You, wit h a Jac k low—remember , yo u don' t kno w you're low , but you d o kno w tha t a Jack i s a lous y low and ther e ha s been a lot of raising—drop. Player D sees he's on e of three remaining players i n a high/low game. H e decides to obey th e high/low axiom about stayin g i n i f you're th e thir d playe r i n a high/low, stays i n and calls. Player E raises his trip 8s. I raise my two pair . Player D calls. Player E calls. No matte r which wa y th e declar e i s done , Playe r D goes low, and bot h Playe r E and I declare high . Players D and E split. You could hav e stayed i n and chase d Player D out, or stayed i n an d beate n hi m low . Bu t Playe r D sa w yo u check th e firs t tim e aroun d an d deduce d you r han d wasn't good . Yo u saw to o muc h bettin g an d figure d someone had a bette r tha n Jack-down low . The betting sequence is what hur t you, not your hand.

DRAW

237

FIVE AND TWO Five-card dra w high/lo w with two commo n cards tha t mus t b e use d togethe r o r no t at all.

BASICS

A five-car d draw , high/lo w game . Afte r th e fiv e dow n cards are deal t t o each player, two exposed communit y cards ar e dealt . I f you want t o us e thes e card s i n your hand, you mus t use bot h o f them. I f you don' t us e bot h cards, yo u can' t us e eithe r o f them. Yo u can't us e jus t one. Yo u have t o us e th e two , together . No t separately . Both or neither . Am I making myself clear? After th e initia l roun d o f betting , eac h playe r the n makes a norma l dra w t o hi s hand . Ther e i s anothe r round o f betting. Eac h playe r make s hi s bes t five-card hand. STRATEGY

If you have a hig h han d an d bot h communit y cards ar e low cards , bet . Mos t player s wil l tr y t o us e bot h lo w cards in a low hand, and you're working the high side of the street . I f you hav e a lo w hand an d bot h communit y cards ar e high , bet . Fewe r players wil l b e abl e t o buil d low hands if they can't use th e community cards. If one community card i s high and th e other is low, few people will b e abl e t o use bot h card s unles s the y match wha t they have i n their hand. I n this case, bet your hand an d don't worry about the community cards.

238

THE GAMES

WHAT WILL WIN

If both community cards are high, low hands could be as low as a pair . If the communit y cards are low , then th e high hand s wil l b e nothin g to spea k about . I f the card s are mixed, look for three of a kind —someone will have a pair i n hi s han d t o matc h on e o f th e tw o community cards.

THE GAME

Here's a sampl e six-hande d game . You be Playe r D . For simplicity's sake, I'l l skip the bettin g round and g o right to the draw. The common card s are :

6

9

Soixante-neuf. No t great low cards, no t great high cards . This shoul d b e interesting . Now let's review each han d and g o through the draw. Player A: (A

7

K

4

9 )

Player A has a 9- 6 low by discarding his ow n 9 and hi s King, or a pair of 9s if he keeps his 9. It's always easier t o go low, so he tosses the 9 and Kin g (ther e is already a 9 showing, so he doesn't nee d his) , and gets back Player A: (A

7

4 —K

9 )

the same two cards o f different suits ! Using the commo n soixante-neuf, h e stil l ha s a 9- 7 low (disregard th e Kin g and th e 9 i n hi s hand) . Becaus e a 9 i s on e o f th e common cards , there will probably be a couple o f players with a 9-6-down, so a 9-7 isn't so great. Player B: (2

8

3

6

Q )

Player B has a 9-8 low, using the soixante-neuf, or a pair of 6s. Lik e Player A, he goes for the lo w and discard s just

239

DRAW

the Quee n an d th e 6—h e doesn't wan t to use th e soixante-neuf fo r a lo w hand i f he doesn' t hav e to . H e gets back Player B: (2

8

3 —5

A )

a nic e 5 an d a nice r Ace , fo r a n 8-5-down . H e no w doesn't nee d th e 9- 6 common cards . (Yo u must be asking, "Wh y didn't he dum p th e 8 ? Because th e odd s o f drawing three lo w cards aren' t good , and a n 8 is a nic e low card t o start from . Also , there is a common 6 . If he had kept the 6, and paired up on another card or gotten a face card , i t would have blow n hi s lo w completely. Besides, it' s my book, an d I'l l discard wha t I want.) Player C: (Q

A

7

5

5 )

Player C has a quandary . A pair of 5s i s no t muc h o f a high. To get a better low than 9-down, he has t o discard two cards and hope fo r two low ones back. However, the soixante-neuf an d th e 5 and 7 in his hand giv e him fou r to a n insid e straight. Most players shoot fo r low hands . He ha s thre e shot s a t th e 8 and a hig h hand , an d h e decides t o take them. H e discards hi s Queen , hi s Ace, and one of the 5s, and get s bac k Player C: (7

5

-Q

7

K )

a King , a Queen, and a second 7. He has just a pair of 7s, and usin g the soixante-neu f doesn' t hel p hi m g o low . He'll fol d quietl y when his time comes.

You: (10

3

A

9

2 )

You hav e three nic e lo w cards—Ace-2-3, al l clubs—and a pai r of 9s using the communit y 9. You keep th e thre e low clubs, dump the 9 and th e 10 , and ge t back

240

You: (3

THE GAMES

A

2 —2

K )

two lousy cards, a King and another deuce. You still have a 9,- 6 down, using the soixante-neuf . Not great, but your 3-2-A sequence will be th e bes t lo w if anyone going low also needs to use th e soixante-neuf for a 9-6 low. Player E: (J

2

8 3 )

7

Player E also ha s a lo t o f possibilities . H e ha s thre e hearts, four lo w cards, and a four-card outside straight— 6 (common), 7 (hand), 8 (hand), and 9 (common). This seems t o be th e bes t idea—thre e shots a t on e card . To get the low , he could only draw one card . H e tosses the Jack, deuce, and 3, and gets back Player E: (7

8 —3

6

10 )

a 10 , to complete the straight, using the common 9-6 and disregarding the 6-3 in his hand. Dealer: (A

4

5

4

8 )

I hav e onl y low cards . Th e pai r of 4s i s no t enoug h t o build a high hand on. My only choice i s to take one card and us e al l my own cards t o build a low. I chuck one of the 4s and get Dealer:' (A

4

5

8 —10 )

a lous y 10. 1 have a 9-6-5-4- A down, using the soixanteneuf, bu t I know this won't be goo d enough. Player E will wi n hig h wit h th e straight . Afte r som e cautious bettin g by everyone else , Playe r B' s 8-5-down will win low. If you' d lik e a complet e catalo g o f FCD' s products , please hesitat e to write or call.

CHAPTER

17

Community

We all daydream. W e lie in spring meadow s on warm

May afternoons, gentl e breeze s waftin g throug h sparse trees carryin g th e gentl e effluviu m o f the season' s ne w flora. W e crumbl e u p ou r useles s windbreaker s int o pillows, li e on ou r backs, a stalk of grass i n our mouth, and we stare up at earth's roof , a sky of deep azure, fluffy white cloud s carelessl y floatin g by . That cloud there . I t looks lik e St . Georg e o n horseback , rescuin g th e fai r damsel fro m th e dragon . Tha t cloud there . It' s dad's ol d reliable Hudson, the one with the frayed sea t covers an d the pungen t smel l o f pin e emanatin g fro m th e fade d green pine-tre e ornamen t hangin g fro m th e rear-vie w mirror. We poker player s daydream , too . A s the gra y smoke from th e tobacc o stalk s i n our mouth s waft s gentl y upward, clouds for m an opaque camouflage for the peeling ceiling paper . A s shot s o f Appl e schnapp s an d bee r chasers take their toll, poker players daydream shapes in these gray tobacco clouds. Bu t they don't see St. George or Hudsons. The y don't eve n se e hearts , clubs , spades , or diamonds. They see arrangements of cards.

241

242

THE GAME S

There i s no othe r explanatio n fo r the variety of community car d games . Th e onl y differenc e betwee n on e community car d gam e an d th e nex t i s th e geometri c arrangement o f th e cards . Whe n someon e suggest s a new communit y car d game , I look u p int o th e smok e and imagin e a grou p o f bore d high-schoo l geometr y professors playin g poker , eac h tryin g t o to p th e othe r with his own unique community card arrangement . "Perhaps a pyramid? A dissected diameter? A tesseract?" (We can play four-dimensional poker!) No matte r wha t dimensio n yo u play a communit y card gam e in , th e rule s t o eac h ar e th e same . Eac h player i s dealt a number o f hole cards. Then, a number of cards are deal t fac e down i n the middl e of the table . Each communit y car d i s turne d ove r on e b y one , a betting round followin g each turn. The community cards are part of each player's hand. If a 4 is turned up, the 4 belongs to everyone. Eac h player can us e som e o r all o f the communit y cards o r ignor e them, a s lon g a s th e resultin g han d consist s o f five cards. Sound simpl e enough ? I t is, unti l yo u hav e t o dea l with th e differen t arrangement s dreame d u p b y daydreaming geometrician poke r players. One change in the arrangement ca n wildl y affect th e play. And the pos sible variation s o f communit y car d game s ar e limite d only by the imagination, sobriety, and mathematical san ity of the dealer . Games tha t us e communit y card s ar e designe d fo r lazy dealers. Once all the hole and community cards are dealt, th e deale r onl y ha s t o worry about flippin g ove r the limite d numbe r o f communit y cards . Eve n then , some dealer s hav e trouble . A dealer wh o drop s ou t of the game ofte n forget s that he still has to turn over cards.

COMMUNITY

243

Carry a cattle prod t o .make sure the disinterested deale r watching the ballgame does his job. Because none o f the players ha s an y cards showing, the playe r t o th e dealer' s lef t alway s start s th e betting . After a whil e thi s get s boring , s o som e house s hav e different bettin g rules. Som e house s rotat e th e openin g bet fro m playe r t o playe r i n alternatin g round s i n se quence away from th e dealer . Tha t way the same player doesn't always hav e to open. On the first betting round, the playe r to the dealer' s lef t opens . On the nex t round, the secon d playe r fro m th e deale r opens . O n th e nex t round, the third player from the dealer opens, an d so on. Another betting sequence is the forced bet, or forced open. There's ofte n a lot of checking early in community card game s unti l some cards are revealed an d th e players have a better idea o f what their hands loo k like. This early checkin g result s i n tin y pots. Th e force d ope n o r bet requires the designated opene r to bet or drop. Rather than fol d early , most player s will make a bet . Community game s als o favo r a smar t dealer . Th e dealer has th e power t o choose which community card to expose at what time . Say the deale r ha s a pai r of 8s, and ther e are two rows of community cards . The dealer arbitrarily turns a car d i n one row— a 4 . Afte r a betting round, he turns a card in the other row, and it' s an 8. He's got two 8s in his hand. As the dealer, he can also choose which ro w t o tur n a car d ove r i n next . H e want s t o improve his own hand, so he'll turn a card in the second row, the on e with his potential third 8. He ca n tur n u p a car d t o hel p himsel f o r avoi d turning u p a car d tha t h e believe s ma y hel p anothe r player. He may have turned the 4, and on e playe r started to raise. Obviously, the 4 helped that player, so the dealer will tur n a car d i n a differen t ro w t o stal l him . This

244

THE GAME

power, however , i s a double-edge d sword ; th e dealer' s choices as to which cards t o expose give all the players some idea of what he is holding. Although ther e ar e a lo t o f geometric variation s for the communit y cards , ther e ar e onl y tw o basi c com munity card gam e formats. One format comprise s rows , or axes o f cards that intersect, lik e this:

(1) (5)

(2)

(4)

(3)

The middle (5) card belong s i n both rows. A player can combine eithe r th e vertica l row of cards—(l)-(5)-(3)— or the horizontal row—(2)-(5)-(4)—with his hole.cards. The middl e (5 ) car d i s at th e intersectio n o f both row s and is the last card to be exposed by the dealer. Intersection cards ar e always turned last. In som e games wit h two intersecting rows, the car d in the intersection often takes on even more importance . In some games, th e intersectio n card i s wild—if it' s a 7, then all 7s are wild. The intersection car d ca n als o b e used t o make the game a Hig h Chicago-typ e spli t game , dependin g o n the valu e an d sui t of the intersectio n card . Th e deale r declares the playe r with th e best han d will spli t the pot with the playe r holding the hig h or low card o f whatever suit the intersectio n card is . If the intersectio n card i s a spade, 8 or above, then the player with the highest spade in his hole cards splits the pot with the best hand. If the intersection car d i s a heart , 7 or lower , then th e player

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with the lowest heart in his hole cards splits the pot with the best hand . A lot of players stay in a game lik e this longer than if there wer e n o split . The card tha t determines wha t will split th e po t with the bes t han d isn' t decide d unti l th e intersection car d i s exposed. No one wants t o drop ou t of a hand i f he ha d eve n a vague chance of winning half the pot, especially i n a cheap, low-stake s game . The other forma t for community card games has n o rows and no intersections. Card s are dealt out in a circle or som e othe r shape , an d player s choos e tw o or thre e adjacent card s instea d o f cherry-pickin g cards o f their choice to use with their hole cards . Most communit y car d game s ar e playe d high/low . Pigs have differen t rules , depending o n th e game . I f the community car d gam e i s th e firs t o f th e tw o format s described above—card s arranged i n intersecting rows— then both your high and your low hands must come fro m cards i n the sam e row . Rules for pig in the non-intersec tion forma t vary from gam e to game . In term s o f overal l communit y card strategy , chec k the be t i f you ar e th e firs t bettor , unles s yo u ar e man dated to bet by the rules or unless you have a great hand. This will allow you to find out what everyone else has or is willin g t o bluf f with . A player who bump s base d o n one exposed community card probabl y has been dealt a good hand . For player s wh o hav e pair-showin g betting limita tions, th e tw o cards o f the pai r showing have t o b e o n the sam e axis. And as soo n a s tha t pair shows up , you can be t tha t someone wil l hav e a ful l house . Th e odds for a hig h han d ris e wit h th e numbe r o f community cards, a s we will see . I know it's difficult t o follow all this geometry, so her e

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are som e communit y car d game s tha t shoul d mak e these concepts simpler. Put away your compass and your slide rule . There's n o homework. Jus t home poker.

INTERSECT GAME S CINCINNATI Four card s i n th e hole , fou r communit y cards.

BASICS

Cincinnati (als o know n a s Forty-Four ) is th e simples t community card game . Ther e i s a singl e four-card row . Four cards are dealt to each player, and fou r down card s are dealt in the middle , like this:

Even thoug h ther e i s onl y on e lin e o f card s (whic h obviously can' t intersec t itself) , Cincinnat i has al l th e other characteristics o f an intersec t game . One community card i s turned over at a time, in any sequence th e deale r chooses , eac h tur n followe d by a round o f betting . Hand s don' t ten d t o b e high , an d neither are the pots . VARIATIONS

The char m o f this gam e i s th e range o f possible gam e play variations . T o spice u p th e game , a deale r ma y choose one of the four community cards to be a suit split

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or wild card when exposed. If the second card fro m th e right is a club, 8 or above, th e player with the high club in the hole splits the pot with the player holding the best hand. If the first card i s a diamond, 7 or lower, the player with the best hand splits with the player holding the low diamond. The dealer can declare a wild card, such as the right end card and all others like it. The dealer can expose the wild car d a t an y poin t i n th e game . Thi s arbitrar y be havior on th e part of the deale r is frowned upo n most of the time, thankfully. I n a responsible game, the wild card is turned last to maintain the suspense . The fun is watching a wise-guy dealer flagellate himself fo r callin g the wron g card wild . H e call s th e righ t end car d wild , then turns over the lef t en d card—whic h matches tw o others lik e i t in hi s hand . Instea d of three wild cards, h e has three of a kind, and the right end card matches a pai r tha t th e bi g winne r i s holding . Pretty funny, huh? A dealer could als o cal l Low Hole Cincinnati. Everyone's lo w hole card i s wild. If a player has a deuce i n the hole, an d a deuc e i s expose d amon g th e communit y cards, tha t common deuc e is also wild for that player. Another variatio n o f Cincinnat i use s a ro w o f five cards instea d o f four, wit h fou r hol e cards dealt to each player. Ther e i s als o a variatio n I'v e seen calle d Fifty Five—each playe r get s fiv e card s i n th e hol e an d five cards ar e deal t ou t i n a row . Both thes e variation s give each playe r more card s t o choose a best five from an d will obviousl y rais e th e valu e o f hands neede d t o wi n and th e amoun t o f th e pots , especiall y i f the gam e i s played as a split game. In terms of geometry, I have dealt out Cincinnat i as a flat, horizontal line. From someone else's perspective , i t will b e th e lette r 1— a vertica l line . Fo r variation, th e

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cards coul d als o b e deal t ou t o n a diagonal . It' s all personal style and doesn't affect th e game play. And you don't even need a straight-edge. CRISS CROSS Four hol e card s an d five community cards in tw o intersecting rows, arrange d i n a cross. BASICS

Four cards ar e dealt to each player, with five community cards arranged i n a cross: 0) (5)

(2)

(4)

(3)

The outer cards (1) , (2), (3), (4 ) are turned first, one o n each of the axes (card 1 , then card 2, etc.). No two cards in the same row are exposed unti l absolutely necessary. The middle card (5 ) is exposed last . Each hand is made up of the player's four hole cards plus th e card s i n one o f the tw o three-card rows. I f he goes bot h hig h and low , he stil l mus t mak e hi s han d from one row—a total of seven cards. He cannot use on e row to create a high hand and the second ro w to create a low hand.

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STRATEGY

As i n an y high/lo w game , yo u shoul d dro p i f you hav e two cards that are low and two cards that are high. If you call afte r yo u se e on e car d o n on e ro w exposed , yo u have t o sta y aroun d lon g enough t o se e a car d o n th e other ro w exposed. It doesn't mak e poke r sense to se e the possibility for only one hand . T o protect you r investment, yo u hav e t o mak e sur e tha t th e othe r ro w also holds n o hop e fo r you. I f you decid e t o sta y based o n your hole cards, realiz e that you'll have to go through at least tw o round s o f bettin g befor e i t make s sens e t o drop. If you're unsure of your hole cards, drop before any community cards ar e exposed . WHAT WILL WIN

A high tw o pair is usually good enoug h for high i n Criss Cross, unles s a pai r show s u p i n on e o f the rows , i n which cas e it' s likel y a ful l hous e wil l win . I f thre e community cards to a straight or flush are revealed, it's a safe bet that someone will have the straight or the flush. Low will always depend on how low the cards are on the cross. THE GAME

I'll deal ou t a completed six-hande d high/low game. You be Playe r C.

(1)6 (2)A

(5)3

A (4) (3)K

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Player A: (6

5

Q 9

)

He has a pair of 6s on the vertical row and the same pair of Aces that everyone else has o n the horizontal row. But he also has a 9-down on the horizontal row—the 9-6-5 in his han d an d th e 3-Ac e o n th e horizonta l row. With al l the low cards exposed, however, he doesn't believe a 9down will win low, especially with all the raising that will go on with the pair of Aces showing. He'll drop. Player B: (6

4

4

7 )

He als o ha s a pai r of 6s, bu t a 7-6-4-3- A lo w using the horizontal row is what he bets on . H e ignores the small two pair, 6s and 4s, that he had once the second Ace was exposed. Again, with all the low cards, a 7-5 or even a 6down coul d easil y be lurkin g about. H e sticks aroun d to find out.

You: (A

A

Q 8

)

You were betting from th e to p with a pair of Aces in your hand. The n on e Ac e was turne d up, and you turned up the betting. Then the second Ace was turned up. You had a har d tim e maintainin g your poker face . Tw o Aces i n your hand, tw o Aces o n th e board—let' s see , that' s two plus two—yeah , that' s fou r Aces . Th e wor d "gloat " springs int o you r head . Th e word s "Wh o invite d thi s guy?" spring out of everyone else's mouth. Player D: (8

10

Q Q )

The pair of Aces on the board with the pair of Queens in his han d is a nic e two pair. However : Whenever a pair shows up, you can be t that someone is going to have a matching thir d (i f no t a fourth) . Playe r D probabl y dropped hi s tw o pair a s soo n a s th e secon d Ac e was

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turned up—unles s h e foolishl y rationalized tha t al l th e raising was fo r low hands .

J

Player E: (10

4

2 )

Player E dropped wit h the deal . H e ha s tw o lo w card s and two high cards and nowher e t o go.

Dealer: (J

2

J

9 )

This i s essentially the sam e han d a s Playe r D has—two pair, Ace s up . Hopin g for a thir d Jack , I also droppe d when the second Ace showed up. The onl y player s lef t b y th e en d o f th e gam e wer e you, "Four Aces" Slim, wearing your shit-eating grin, an d Player B, sweating wit h his 7- 6 low. VARIATIONS

Instead o f playing high/low, the deale r coul d declar e a suit split , determine d b y th e sui t an d denominatio n o f the middl e card. I n this case, th e 3 of spades was th e middle card , s o the playe r with the lowes t spad e in his hole cards—Playe r E , with his deuc e of spades—would split th e po t wit h you , Mr . "I Wish Thi s Wa s N o Limi t Poker." Except that Player E dropped earl y like a dummy. Player B had the next lowes t spade— a 4. The Ace has to be declared hig h or low at the start. A second variation is to make the center car d wild. I f the center card were wild in this game, all 3s would have been wild. Each player had only one wild card, though— the one on the cross. No players had any 3s in their hole cards. Th e onl y differenc e th e wil d car d woul d hav e made in this game i s that you, Sir "Swiss Bank Account" had five Aces. Th e rich get richer. I've als o see n thi s gam e deal t ou t wit h thre e hol e

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cards deal t t o eac h playe r an d nin e card s deal t a s a cross, five in a row instead of three:

0) (5) (2)

(6)

(9)

(8)

(4)

(7) (3)

The communit y card s farthes t fro m th e cente r ar e ex posed first. I think this is too many community cards and too many betting round s and i s too much lik e a mutan t strain of Texas Hold 'Em . A vivid configuration imaginatio n coul d com e i n handy i f you are offende d b y a cross (som e players cal l this gam e Fier y Cross, whic h i s to o reminiscen t o f the KKK fo r me) . Th e onl y requiremen t fo r Cris s Cross — shape-wise—is tha t yo u hav e tw o intersectin g line s of three, four , o r fiv e card s i n eac h row . S o yo u coul d conceivably pla y Criss Cross with a flying wing arrangement

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with th e to p car d th e intersec t card . O r you coul d fli p your wing and creat e a V. Or you coul d creat e an y twoline letter of the alphabet , suc h a s L.

The V and L can b e made u p of any number of cards; the corner i s the intersec t point . Fo r T

using onl y three- or five-card rows mak e sense, as with

which also can b e onl y three-or five-card rows. I f you're feeling particularl y weird, you can mak e a Y

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which give s you three row s wit h one intersectio n card . Think to o muc h abou t these letters , though , an d you'll end up playing Scrabble. You may want to experiment with the numbe r of hole cards dealt to each player in any of these configurations . My advice is : The more community cards, th e fewer hol e cards yo u shoul d deal . N o sense makin g these game s more ridiculou s than they already are . And speaking o f ridiculous . . .

IRON CROSS High/low double-intersec t wit h bot h intersect card s wild.

BASICS

This double-intersec t gam e ha s si x communit y cards , with both intersect card s wild. Here's the layout.

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(2) (5)

(1)

(4)

(6)

(3)

The card s numbere d (5 ) an d (6 ) ar e wild . Player s are dealt thre e dow n card s eac h an d us e thei r thre e hol e cards togethe r wit h any tw o consecutive card s o n th e cross. ( I know—it's not really a cross. It could be a Laz y H i n far-wes t branding-iro n talk. I f no t that , we're no t really sure what i t is.) Th e community cards ar e turned over by the numbers or in a similar sequence, a s long as the corner wild cards are turned up last. Iron Cross is the epitome of a dealer-advantage community card game; he can choos e to turn over one o f the two wild cards i n the location tha t h e think s wil l d o hi m th e mos t good , usually next to a common car d that fits in his hand. This is a high/low game and ca n ge t very hairy. The player to the lef t o f the deale r always opens, unles s you use on e o f the other betting variations. STRATEGY

Check early. A lot of players do, s o th e po t always looks empty. Bu t as soo n a s a playe r pair s u p wit h a com munity card, especially if the matchin g card i s next to a wild corne r card , the bettin g gets heavy. Try not to drop until you se e a t leas t one o f the wild cards, especiall y if you've paire d u p t o a car d adjacen t t o a wil d card . My friend Dou g once ha d a 7-K-2 in his hand, not a great trio of cards i n any game. Bu t a 7 turned up nex t to a wil d card, which turned out to be a King , s o he ha d a t leas t four 7s and mor e than a glimmer of hope. The other wild card ende d u p being a deuce. H e couldn't use the wild

256

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deuce o n th e cross , sinc e th e tw o adjacent card s h e used wer e th e Kin g an d th e 7 , bu t h e coul d us e th e deuce in his hand as a wild card. Fro m nowhere, he had five 7s. I remember thi s particular hand becaus e I was bumping al l th e wa y an d go t burne d holdin g a roya l flush. So hang in there. WHAT WILL WIN

The moral of this story is, you'd better have at least fou r of a kind to even think of staying in. Conversely, lows are all over the board. Sometimes a lousy low takes thi s hand, simpl y because it' s toug h to get three good lo w cards in your hand. If the low card i n your hand is a 10 , stick around if you can affor d it . Other times, someon e matche s wil d card s wit h lo w cards i n his han d an d tw o guy s en d u p wit h perfect lows . It' s impossible t o predict . It's one o f those you-have-to-bethere experiences . Since ther e ar e tw o wild cards, thi s gam e ca n ge t confusing. B e careful whe n you cal l your hand. Take a couple o f minutes to consider al l the cards , which two adjacent card s you are choosing , an d wha t wil d card s you ar e holding . Take this amazing, but true , set-up for an example: A (5) 8 K (3)

A (2) (4) 8 (6)

0) 8

One guy at the table was holding: 2

4

6

Okay card-pokes , what' s thi s gu y have ? I'l l hu m th e theme fro m "Jeopardy! " as you ponder this puzzle . (D a

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da da da da da dum, da da da da da da-da-da-da-da, d a da da da da da da, da da-da-da da, da, dum.) Time's up . Go t the answer ? Obviously , Aces an d 8s , Dead Man' s Hand , ar e wild . What' s confusin g i s tha t there ar e thre e 8s , s o ever y car d showin g excep t th e King i s wild. But—an d thi s is a bi g but—wit h al l thes e wild cards showing, there are only three left i n the deck that players can be holding. Our bo y with the 2-4- 6 of hearts go t very lucky an d won bot h hig h and low . He has a perfec t lo w with two wild cards (th e adjacent Ace and 8 ) being an Ace and a 3, and a straight flush, the same two wild cards being the 3 an d 5 of hearts. (Fo r those o f you who ar e skeptical about thes e si x cards bein g deal t ou t lik e this , le t m e remind you that the odds may be astronomical, but even coincidence an d chanc e ar e mathematicall y measur able. N o matter ho w outlandis h th e odds , a n unlikel y event stil l ha s t o happe n a t som e point—sor t o f lik e those million monkeys typing out Shakespeare i n a million years. Besides, I have the Polaroi d to prove it.) Even though the luck y boy above used th e same two wild card s t o g o high/low , yo u don' t hav e t o us e th e same cards to go pig. You can use two cards on the cross to go high and tw o different card s t o go low. If you don't like thi s rule , chang e i t fo r you r house . It' s you r prerogative. Just don't invit e me to play. THE GAME

Let's look a t a less confusing set and si x hands. Yo u be Player A.

K (5) 3 (1) A J (3)

10 (4) 4

(2) (6)

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THE GAME S

The K and the 4 are wild. Her e ar e the hands:

You: ( 5

6

2 )

Using the middle tw o cards on the cross, the 3 and Ace, you have a 6-5 low, close to perfect. The wild cards don't help you . Player B: (4

2

8 )

Using the wil d 4 and th e 1 0 of spades above it, Player B has a n Ace-hig h flus h (usin g on e o f his wil d 4 s a s a n Ace), whic h i s not goin g t o win. Usin g the sam e 3 and Ace you did, he ha s a n 8- 4 low . This i s normally a good low, but we know h e won't win. Player C: (4

K

5 )

Player C has tw o wild card s i n the hole—th e Kin g an d the 4—even though h e doesn't have to use the ones on the cross. Once a wild car d i s revealed, all cards lik e it are wild . H e doesn't hav e fou r wil d cards, onl y three — the two in his hand, and onl y one o f the two snowing— because the wild cards aren't adjacent . Player C choose s th e 4- A pair an d ha s fou r Ace s high—one natura l Ac e fro m th e cros s an d thre e wil d cards. H e als o ha s a 6-5-3-2- A lo w usin g th e 5 i n hi s hand, th e Ace on the cross, and the three wild cards. He could hav e achieve d th e sam e lo w using th e adjacen t Ace and 3 . In orde r fo r Playe r C to hav e ha d fiv e o f a kin d h e needed t o pai r up.al l thre e o f his cards , a s di d Doug , who bea t m e wit h hi s K-7- 2 trio . Fou r Ace s aren' t a guaranteed hig h i n thi s game , an d a 6-5-3-2- A lo w i s close but not perfect. Does Player C go pig? He's thinking about it . Stay tuned .

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Player D: (K

259

6 )

The adjacen t wil d Kin g an d th e Jac k o n th e cros s give Player D four Jacks. He'l l stay in but obviously won't win unless Playe r C does what he i s considering. Player E: (7

K

6 )

Player E probably blanche d when h e initiall y looked a t his cards. K-7- 6 is not going to excite anyone' s heart . He stayed reluctantl y until the first wild card was revealed— the King , which gav e hi m a chance. H e ended u p with only thre e 7s , however , usin g th e wil d Kin g high . Bu t using either the wild K-3 combo or the wild 4-Ace on the cross, h e ha s a 7-6-3-2- A low. A nice low , but we kno w he'll bet i t and lose , no matter what Player C decides.

Dealer: (3

5

Q )

Using the Ace and wild 4 from th e cross, I have a natural flush. Bi g deal. I'll fold. What di d Playe r C do? Did he g o both? Time for the cop out : I don't know—I' m no t Playe r C . Let' s assum e that he didn't, since it really doesn't affect you . You, with your near-perfec t 6-5-3-2-A , wi n low , n o matte r what , since you tie d Playe r C' s low, negatin g hi s entir e hand . Player C an d hi s fou r Ace s win s high , i f h e wen t th e chicken route . That's two straight wins for you. The other players are suspecting m e o f marking the dec k i n your favor. I f eyes were pistols , I' d loo k lik e Warren Beatty and Fay e Dunaway at the en d o f Bonnie and Clyde. VARIATIONS

I learned thi s game using the wild cards. It can b e played without wild cards, if you want to be pedestrian. To make

260

THE GAME

the nothing-wild cross more competitive, give everyone four hole cards instead o f three. Once this game i s made un-wild, you can go back to the alphabe t fo r configuration ideas. An y letter that ha s two intersections can b e a new game. For instance, C

orU

for three-car d rows . The only logical four-card row , double intersect lette r would be N

while th e onl y decen t five-car d row , doubl e intersec t letter i s F.

If yo u ar e linguisticall y inclined , yo u coul d probabl y borrow letter s fro m th e Hebre w or Cyrilli c alphabe t t o

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make ne w games. Or if you are a n engineer, you can g o beyond th e alphabe t fo r your configurations, a s i n this next game .

PYRAMID Four hol e card s wit h thre e row s o f three community cards , arrange d i n a triangle . High/low.

BASICS

This i s a three-row , three-intersect , three-card-per-row game. I n other words, eac h playe r gets fou r hol e card s and th e communit y cards ar e arranged lik e the tomb of Tutankhamen: (5) (2)

0) (4)

(6) (3)

As i n Criss Cross, eac h han d i s made u p o f cards fro m each player's four hole cards, plu s cards fro m on e of the three-card rows—(5)-(l)-(4) , (4)-(3)-(6) , or (5)-(2)-(6) — a tota l o f seven cards—t o create on e five-car d hand . If you g o pig , you mus t mak e bot h hand s fro m th e sam e seven cards, only one row and your four hole cards. You cannot us e cards from on e row to go high and the cards in a differen t ro w to go low. The middle card fro m on e of the three rows—(1), (2),

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THE GAMES

or (3)—i s turne d first , followe d b y a roun d o f betting. The middl e car d fro m a secon d ro w i s turne d next , followed by a round of betting. The middle card fro m th e third and final row is turned next, followed by a round of betting. The point is, don't tur n ove r a corner car d first. That woul d revea l a car d tha t coul d b e use d i n tw o different rows . Th e middle cards i n each ro w are ther e just to tempt players int o staying in the game longer. Once the middl e car d o n eac h ro w is exposed, th e dealer can revea l an y of the three corner card s h e likes . STRATEGY

This i s fa r more a dealer s gam e tha n Cris s Cross. Th e dealer knows whic h ro w holds th e stronges t possibilit y for hi m base d o n wha t card s ar e alread y exposed . H e can decid e whic h corne r car d t o tur n o n th e ro w h e wants to use, afte r h e exposes the middle cards o f each row. Don't worr y i f there i s a lo t o f earl y checking. Th e betting wil l ge t heav y onc e a ful l ro w i s exposed . I n Pyramid, yo u ca n si t bac k wit h a goo d han d an d no t raise; eventually , someone will do i t for you. Experienced Pyrami d players know that once you've bet afte r on e car d ha s bee n exposed , you'r e i n fo r at least all three middle cards. Dropping because you don't like the first exposed card i s silly, since that card affect s only one row . If you don't thin k your hole cards ar e very good, dro p befor e an y communit y card s ar e turned . Otherwise, wait for at leas t on e car d i n each ro w to b e exposed. Then drop. Using the same logic it makes n o sense to drop once you've see n tw o cards i n one ro w and onl y one car d i n the othe r two. You felt strongl y enough about your hand to se e tw o cards i n one row . You now ma y as wel l wait

263

COMMUNITY

until tw o card s ar e expose d i n eac h o f th e othe r tw o rows. WHAT WILL WIN

There are mor e communit y cards dealt i n Pyramid than in Cros s Cross , s o th e odd s o f bette r hand s increas e dramatically. A straigh t wil l wi n high , depending , o f course, o n what cards are exposed on the pyramid. Two pair i s usuall y the minimu m to sta y in . Onc e a pai r i s turned u p i n one o f the pyrami d rows, someon e will b e holding a ful l house . I f there are a lot of low cards in on e row, someon e wil l hav e a stron g low , o r eve n a lo w straight. A low straight and a lo w hand i n the same row is a good pi g hand i n Pyramid. THE GAME

Based o n m y experience , Pyrami d i s th e bes t o f th e community car d games . Le t me la y ou t a six-hande d game an d explai n ho w everyon e bet . Yo u be Playe r B (you keep movin g around to avoid gathering suspicion). Here's the pyramid:

3

Q

2 K K

4

For the sak e of convenience, I'l l refer to the 2-Q-3 row as the "lef t row, " the 2-K- 4 row as the "righ t row," and th e 3K-4 row as the "bottom row. " And here are the six hands : Player A: (8

7

A

4 )

Player A has a 7-4-3-2- A hand, the 7-4- A in his han d an d the 3 and 2 fro m th e lef t ro w of the pyramid . Sinc e h e had 8-7-4- A i n his hand , a decen t low , he be t fro m th e

264

THE GAME

beginning, continuall y buoyed b y the thre e fac e card s turned up first on the pyramid.

You: (5

J

10

2 )

You ha d tw o hig h card s an d tw o lo w card s i n you r hand—in othe r words , nothing . You folded befor e th e first card o n the pyramid was exposed, t o the relie f and sarcastic "Oh, no good cards, huh?" of the other players . Player C: (10

J

9

6 )

Player C was sucke d i n fo r almost th e entir e game. H e has th e 9-10- J t o th e straigh t i n his hand , an d th e first exposed card s i n eac h o f the thre e row s gav e hi m th e fourth t o a straight . He had t o sta y unti l th e fina l car d was turne d t o fin d tha t h e didn' t ge t th e straight . It's better t o have a han d lik e you, who coul d dro p immediately than to suffer needlessl y at the fickle hands of the fateful pyramid. Player D: (K

10

4

2 )

Player D has two pair all over the place, but his best two pair is Kings and 4s—the King and th e 4 in his hand and the Kin g and 4 on eithe r th e righ t or the botto m ro w of the pyramid. He paired up twice with Kings on two of the first three communit y card s turned . H e also staye d i n until th e bitte r end, hopin g for another Kin g o n on e o f the two rows to give him a ful l house . Player E: (5

Q 8 A

)

Player E ha s th e flush—th e thre e spade s i n hi s han d (Q-8-A) and the King and the deuce of spades in the right row—and declare d high . He also coul d hav e gone pig. His low hand, using the deuce an d th e 3 in the lef t row, is 8-5-3-2-A. Using the same row , he could have also had the spad e flush , albei t a lowe r one , usin g th e 3 an d

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deuce of spades—remember, you can onl y use on e row to mak e bot h you r high and you r low hands. Yo u can't use cards fro m on e row to create a high hand and card s from anothe r ro w to make a low hand, then declare pig. Depending on how much raising there was, he might have gone pig. Little or no raising would have meant tha t on one ha d muc h o f a hand, hig h or low. But there was probably a lo t of betting, with tw o lo w cards o n eac h row. H e figured someone was raisin g with a better lo w hand than his. Besides, a flush is an almost sur e winner in Pyramid , especially whe n th e King s ar e i n separat e rows. Ha d th e King s been i n the sam e row , someone— such a s Playe r D , with a Kin g i n his hand—woul d hav e had a full house and beaten his flush. But the Kings were divided, and Playe r E was practically guaranteed half the pot b y declarin g high . (A s it turns out , h e woul d hav e lost the low , thereby forfeitin g an y share of the pot. ) Dealer: (9

2

5

7 )

I had a 7-5-4-3-2, using the 7-5- 2 in my hand and th e 3 of spades an d 4 of clubs fro m th e botto m row . It's a goo d low, but no t goo d enough . I would have bet it , however, contributing to an already diminishing dollar evening. And th e winner s ar e (dru m roll , please) : Playe r A, low with a 7-4-3-2-A , an d Playe r E, hig h with the flush . Gentlemen, you may split your pot.

266

THE GAMES

THE H (H-BOMB) Four hol e card s an d seve n commo n card s arranged lik e th e lette r H . Playe d high/low . This gam e take s communit y cards t o it s illogica l extreme—there are five rows and every card i s an intersec t card. Fou r cards ar e deal t t o eac h player , the n seve n community cards ar e dealt down in the shape o f an H:

(6)

(1)

(2) (3)

(5) (7)

(4)

Two corne r card s ar e turne d u p first—(1) , (3) , (4) , o r (6)—then eithe r o f the tw o inner cards, (2 ) or (5) . Th e trick is to delay turning over two cards o n the same axis as lon g as possible. Car d (7 ) is turned over last, since it is an intersec t card fo r three different rows . The difference betwee n H-Bom b and Pyrami d is one card an d a n A in differentia l calculus . That single card creates tw o additiona l rows an d mor e confusio n tha n any othe r poke r gam e I'v e eve r played , includin g Iron Cross and Night Baseball. No one drops out. Before each betting round , each playe r has t o ru n throug h te n pos sible hands—one high hand and one lo w hand per row. H-Bomb i s poker' s versio n o f 3-D Tic-Tac-Toe, onl y stupider. At th e en d o f th e game , ther e wil l b e a half-doze n players each laying their cards o n the table and tryin g to

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267

explain to everyon e els e "wha t row they'r e usin g and what thei r hand is—everyon e shoutin g and n o on e listening, muc h les s makin g sense . Th e poke r Towe r of Babel. A food stan d between inning s of a baseball game . Downtown Toky o reactin g t o th e approac h o f Godzilla. We've hit on iceber g and it' s every man fo r himself. WHAT WILL WIN

With five rows, there ar e a lo t of possibilities. Figur e a full hous e will win high , at leas t a 7-dow n for low. If you fold, pu t you r hol e card s someplac e wher e yo u can' t retrieve them . You don't wan t t o kno w what you coul d have had i f only you'd sweated throug h four more betting rounds. BETTING STRATEGY

Don't, if you ca n hel p it .

268

THE GAME

SELECT CARD S RED AND BLACK Four hol e card s ar e deal t to eac h player . Eight commo n card s ar e arrange d in two parallel row s o f fou r card s each . On e ro w is designate d Red , the othe r Black. Pair s of neighboring cards—on e i n each paralle l row—are exposed , followe d b y a roun d of betting. Card s that don' t matc h th e designated colo r o f the ro w (e.g . a spad e or clu b in the Re d row) are discarded. Only card s tha t matc h the designate d color of th e ro w remai n common cards. All surviving commo n card s ca n b e use d i n conjunction wit h hol e cards. A high/low game. BASICS

This i s an eight-card communit y gam e with a twist—not all the community cards stay in the game. Otherwise, all the same betting rule s o f community car d games apply . Four hole cards are deal t t o each player. Community cards are deal t ou t i n two rows of four cards each:

(4R) (3R) (2R) (1R) (R) (B

(4B) (3B) (2B) (IB) )

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As you ca n see , on e ro w is labeled "R, " for Red and th e other ro w "B, " fo r Black . Colors ca n b e indicate d with chips—a red chi p by the Re d row, a black o r blue chi p by th e Blac k row—or wit h extr a cards , o r b y memory. Cards are flipped up two at a time—(1R) and (IB) , (2R) and (2B) , etc—on e fro m Colum n R and on e fro m Col umn B . Community card s ar e eliminate d fro m th e gam e when thei r color doesn' t matc h th e ro w i n which the y appear. I f (1R) is a red card, heart or diamond, it stays on the tabl e an d ca n b e use d b y each playe r as par t of his hand. If it is a black card, spade or club, it is discarded . The opposite holds true for Column B—if the card is red, heart or diamond, i t is discarded. I f it is black, it stays. A player ca n combin e an y o r al l o f th e remainin g com munity cards, regardles s o f color, t o mak e a han d with his fou r hol e cards . And since I know you want to ask, it doesn't matte r if the row s ar e deal t vertically or horizontally . It also matters not a whit which row is Red or which row is Black, as lon g a s the y ar e s o dedicate d befor e flippin g ove r cards. BETTING STRATEGY

If you have good hol e cards , bump early to build up th e pot, then call during middle betting rounds. You want to eliminate a s man y possibl e competitor s a s yo u can a s early as you can. Player s with poor hol e card s will only stay aroun d i f it's cheap. Onc e you'v e eliminate d som e players, yo u ca n sto p bumpin g an d wai t t o se e ho w many cards will be left . Th e number of remaining cards will tel l you how good you r hand wil l have to be to win and whether your hole cards are strong enough.

270

THE GAME S

WHAT WILL WIN

It all depends on how many community cards are left . As always, the more cards showing, the better the hands. If there are only a couple o f cards left, tw o pair could take high an d 8-dow n coul d tak e low . I f there ar e a lo t of surviving communit y cards, th e winnin g hands wil l b e much better . As in the other community games, thre e community cards to a flush or straight means someone will have that hand. A pair on the board signal s a full house. Since you never know how many cards will be left , Re d and Blac k is more unpredictable than most poker games . THE GAME

I'll deal ou t a ful l si x hands an d expos e the community cards. (4R)J (3R)7 (2R)A (1R)3 (R)

3 10 K A

(4B) (3B) (2B) (IB) (B)

The 3 and 7 of clubs i n the lef t Re d column (please hol d your politica l observations ) ar e ineligibl e and ar e dis carded. I n the Blac k column, th e Ac e and 1 0 of heart s are ineligible and are discarded . Here are the community cards tha t are left : (4R)J (3R) (2R)A (1R) (R)

(4B) (3B) K (2B) (IB) (B) 3

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271

Here are th e hands . You be Playe r D.

K

10

Player A: (A

3 )

Player A used th e Ace from th e Red column and th e Kin g from th e Blac k column fo r two pair, Aces over Kings, for a high hand.

8

Player B: (7

K )

4

Player B used th e Ac e fro m th e Re d column an d th e 3 from th e Blac k column t o mak e a n 8-7-4-3- A low hand.

K

9

Player C: (9

J )

Player C had thre e pair , but h e use d th e Jac k fro m th e Red column and the Kin g from th e Black column for two pair, King s over Jacks .

You: (8

9

4

3 )

You ha d fou r diamond s an d wer e bumpin g the entir e game. Th e Ace from th e Re d column gave you the Acehigh flush . I f there ha d bee n anothe r flush , yo u coul d have use d the Jac k in the Red ruw as wel l for an eve n better Ace-Jac k flush . You r bes t lo w was a 9-down , s o you didn't go pig.

K

Player E: (Q

4

4 )

Player E also had tw o pair, Kings over 4s, using the Kin g in the Blac k column.

Dealer: (7

6

J

6 )

I had tw o pair, Jacks over 6s, using the Jack from the Red column and th e 6s in my hand. Player B, with an 8-7-down , wins low, and yo u win— again—high with the flush.

272 VARIATIONS

THE GAMES

In the version just described, each player gets four dow n cards. Sinc e communit y card s ca n b e eliminated , th e astronomical possibilit y exist s tha t al l th e communit y cards coul d b e eliminated—eac h car d i n th e Re d column i s a clu b o r a spad e an d eac h car d i n th e Black column i s a hear t o r a diamond . Thi s unlikel y occur rence woul d leav e eac h playe r wit h onl y a four-car d hand. W e professional neighborhoo d poke r player s lik e living dangerously. We enjoy playing five-card draw with seven players , just to see i f we will run ou t o f cards. Lif e on the edge, pushin g the outside o f the envelope , look ing fo r adventur e an d whateve r come s ou r way . BOOORN T O BEEE E WI-IIIILD ! But som e neophyt e pseudo-poke r player s ar e un comfortable wit h thi s improbabl e potentiality . Thes e scaredy-cats pla y Re d and Blac k wit h fiv e hol e card s instead o f four . I f al l th e communit y card s ar e elimi nated, a t leas t eac h playe r i s lef t wit h a five-card hand and i t becomes easy to find the winners. This, o f course, obviate s th e nee d fo r any commo n cards. I f you alread y hav e five hole cards , what d o you need wit h this Red and Blac k nonsense? An d if you fea r the possibilit y o f al l th e hol e card s bein g eliminated , isn't ther e th e just-as-likel y spectacl e o f none o f th e community cards being discarded i f all the Re d column cards are heart s o r diamonds an d al l the Blac k column cards are spades or clubs? Consider this likelihood for a moment: N o community card s ar e eliminated . Eac h player can no w make a hand ou t o f 13 different cards — five in th e hol e an d eigh t communit y cards. I' d rathe r play poker fo r supermarket coupons . If yo u ar e a five-hole-car d kin d o f player , afrai d o f adventure, unwillin g t o battl e th e force s o f Lad y Luck , fearful of explorin g the unknown , terrifie d of tempting

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273

the fickle gods of poker fate , at least restrict each player's usage o f the commo n cards . Eac h playe r mus t us e hi s hole card s i n conjunctio n wit h th e remainin g cards i n one o f the rows , eithe r Red or Black, not all the remain ing cards. I'm not completely mollifie d b y this half-assed solution to what I consider to be a non-problem, bu t it's better than th e 13-car d hand alternative .

BUNDLES Five hol e card s an d tw o paralle l row s of seven card s each . Pair s are exposed , followed b y bettin g rounds . Players us e combination o f hole card s an d a pai r of parallel cards . High/low .

BASICS

Bundles has a similar layout to Red and Blac k and rule s like thos e o f Fiv e and Two , the dra w poke r game . Two parallel row s o f seven card s are deal t fac e down . Eac h player i s deal t five hole cards . ( I know, five hole cards , what d o we need with Bundles, blah, blah, blah. Tell you what. I'l l write, you read, okay? Then we'll talk. ) Paralle l pairs are exposed, followed by a round o f betting. Each player can use just his five hole cards, or he can use on e paralle l pai r of cards i n conjunction wit h thre e of hi s hol e cards . A player canno t us e onl y on e car d from a parallel pair—he must us e both or none. He uses either th e pai r plu s thre e hol e card s o r onl y hi s hol e cards. (Okay ? Satisfied? Everybody's a critic.) House rule s should b e determined fo r going pig: Can

274

THE GA

a playe r us e tw o differen t expose d pair s t o g o pig , or must he use onl y one pair ? Both options are okay. STRATEGY

With a minimum of seven betting rounds (there could be more i f you decide t o have a round of betting before any of th e pair s ar e exposed) , Bundle s can ge t expensiv e quickly, especially i f a playe r fills his han d i n early and starts to raise. So , as i n any long game, check earl y and often, unles s you catch a good han d i n the hole . WHAT WINS

The high and lo w hands are no t unusually higher tha n any straigh t seven-car d game , eve n thoug h ther e i s a choice of new cards. As in any community card game , if there i s a pair among th e community pairs, someone is likely t o hav e a ful l house . Otherwise , flushe s ar e frequent, and 8-dow n often take s th e low.

THE GAME

Here's a layout for six hands. I'v e numbered the pairs for your convenience. Yo u be Playe r D. 9 3 5 K A 2 K 5 Q 2 J 8 6 Q (1) (2 ) (3 ) (4 ) (5 ) (6 ) (7 )

Pair .(3), th e 5- 2 o f hearts , wil l probabl y b e th e mos t frequently used . Bot h cards ar e hearts , s o anyon e wit h three hearts i n his hand will have a flush, plus, the 5-2 is also th e lowes t pai r o f cards , s o anyon e goin g low — unless h e alread y ha s fou r lo w cards i n his hand—wil l also use it.

COMMUNITY

Player A: (9

5

A

J

275

J )

Using Pai r (4) , Playe r A has thre e Jacks , hi s bes t hig h hand. He has no reasonable choices for a low hand. Player B: (7

10

6

4

2 )

The 6-4- 2 i n hi s han d i s promising , an d h e probabl y bumped fro m th e start . Bu t onl y Pai r (5 ) reall y help s him—it ha s th e Ac e that give s hi m a 7-6-4-2- A low . Not bad, bu t with an A-6 and a 5-2 as communit y choices, it may not be good enough . Player C: (2

Q

3

A

10 )

Player C has som e decent low cards—but Pai r (5) give s him a pai r o f Ace s an d Pai r (3 ) give s hi m a pai r o f deuces. Hi s bes t lo w i s a 9- 5 from Pai r (1) . Luckily , h e has th e straight—th e A-Q-10 in his hand an d Pai r (4), the King and th e Jack, fo r a high hand.

You: (4

7

6

7

A )

The pair of 7s doesn't do you any good, s o you look low . The 5- 2 from Pai r (3 ) give s yo u a near-perfec t 6-5-4-2- A low. Nic e hand , Mr . Lucky. Eve n I' m becomin g sus picious of you now . Player E: (8

3

K

K

6 )

Player E could us e Pai r (3) for the hear t flush . Bette r yet, though, h e ha s a ful l house—King s over 8s—usin g Pair (7). H e probabl y be t o n th e flus h th e entir e game , bu t when h e saw the last pair turned up to give him the boat , the ric h go t richer . H e als o ha s a n 8-6-5-3- 2 fo r a lo w using Pai r (3) . H e considere d pig , saw you r non-poke r face again , the n decide d no t t o temp t fat e an d t o b e satisfied wit h half the pot .

276

Dealer: (9

THE GAMES

5

J

7

4 )

Using Pai r (5) , I have a 7-6-5-4- A for a low . A good low , but i t doesn't beat you. This will be a good pot. Everybody, with the possible exception o f Player A, has a decen t hand . Playe r E and his ful l hous e wil l split with you. VARIATIONS

The layou t for Bundles is known by other names ; Bedsprings an d U p and Dow n th e Rive r ar e tw o commo n ones. Because o f the simpl e layout, Bundles lends itsel f to any number of variations. You coul d var y th e numbe r o f hol e card s an d th e number o f pairs—fou r hol e card s an d thre e pairs , for instance, o r any other number of pairs that seems comfortable. On e variatio n I've heard o f i s fiv e hol e card s and te n pairs . Cal l thi s dizzyin g variatio n King-Size d Bedsprings. In Up and Dow n the River , one car d i s exposed at a time instea d o f a pair . Start exposing commo n card s a t the bottom of one ro w until you get to the top, then work your wa y down th e othe r side . Ther e wil l b e a s man y betting round s a s ther e ar e communit y cards, s o kee p your rows short .

277

COMMUNITY

DEATH WHEEL Six card s ar e deal t i n a circle . Player s us e their fou r hol e card s wit h thre e contiguou s cards o n th e circle . High/low .

BASICS

This is the final letter in the community-card alphabet— the letter 0. Eac h player gets four hole cards. The dealer then deals out six cards i n a circle: (2) 0)

(3)

(4) (5)

(6)

The card s ar e expose d on e a t a tim e in opposition t o each other—(1) , the n (4) , the n (3) , the n (6) , the n (2), then (5) , o r i n som e simila r order. A round o f betting follows eac h exposure . A player ca n us e u p t o thre e contiguous cards o n th e wheel with hi s four hol e card s for a tota l of seven cards , fro m whic h he create s a fivecard hand . WHAT WINS:

There ar e si x differen t three-car d combination s o n th e wheel, mor e tha n i n an y other communit y card game . Good cards o n the wheel translate into great hands. THE GAME

Here's a sampl e deat h whee l an d som e hand s a s a n illustration.

278

THE GAME S

(3)6 (2)A

0)J

9 (4) 9 (5) 6 (6)

This wheel look s particularl y nasty. It' s filled with soixante neufs . Anyon e wit h soixant e neu f i n thei r han d would b e doin g just fine. The low hands aren' t goin g to be too low; there aren't three lo w cards in a row. A 9 ain't that low . Here are th e hands . Yo u be Playe r E. Player A: (K

4

Q

10 )

Using th e J-6- 9 on th e wheel , Playe r A has a King-hig h straight. Decent , bu t wit h a pai r o f 9s i n a ro w o n th e wheel, someon e is bound t o have a ful l house . Player B: (6

Q Q

4 )

Oh, i f only the 6 s were nex t to each other! Too bad. Th e best Playe r B ha s i s tw o pair , Queen s ove r 9s . H e dropped whe n he realizes this. He knew someone would have a 9 in the hole to create trips. Player C: (5

8

2

8 )

The A-6 on th e wheel give s Playe r C an 8-6-5-2-A—no t a great low , but probably goo d enough .

9

Player D: (K

9

5 )

The lucky man at the table. His pair of 9s and the pair of 9s on the wheel mak e fou r 9s .

You: (J

5

J

2 )

If that Jack were onl y a neighbor of a 9 on th e wheel. It's a goo d thin g for you i t isn't—you' d hav e be t hig h with the boa t an d jus t ende d u p losin g to Playe r D. But you

279

COMMUNITY

dropped whe n yo u realize d tha t al l yo u ha d wa s tri p Jacks. Dealer: (10* KA 7* 8A) I ha d a straight—J-10-9-8-7 . I stuck around, bu t I didn't feel ba d losin g to four of a kind. Player D , with hi s 9s , was th e onl y han d doin g an y regular raising. He split with the only low hand, Player C. VARIATIONS

I've seen thi s game playe d usin g opposing pairs—play ers ca n onl y use th e tw o cards tha t are directl y across from each other on the wheel. Eac h player gets five hole cards—Bundles i n a differen t shap e an d wit h on e les s pair to choose from . Here i s a n exampl e o f a gam e base d o n Deat h Wheel, suggested b y the embodiment of the poker innovator I mentioned previously. My publisher, a great editor and a fine human being, suggests a game called Hig h Q: (3)D (2)D

0)0 0(5 0(6)

D(4)

) 0(7)

Players have to use the (6 ) and (7 ) cards together. Or the (7) card i s a wild card. O r something. I' m not sure. I' m not sure she's sure . Anyone for H-Bomb?

280

THE GAME S

TEXAS HOLD 'EM Two hol e card s an d fiv e communit y cards . Three communit y card s ar e flipped first, then ther e i s a roun d o f betting, followed by th e fourt h an d fift h cards , eac h separated b y a roun d o f betting. All-high. Well, pilgrim , how much woul d you bet o n a pai r of 4s? In lat e Ma y 1987 , Johnn y "Orien t Express " Cha n face d that question. H e called a $300,000 bet by his opponen t Frank Henderson (wh o also wrote a book, Omaha Hold 'Em Poker), who hel d a pai r o f 4 s i n th e hole . Chan , holding an Ace-9 in the hole, paired up the 9 from one of the commo n card s an d wo n th e million-dolla r World Series of Poker tournament hel d ever y spring at Binion's Horseshoe Casin o i n downtow n La s Vegas. Chan, wh o won a $625,000 prize, won the 198 8 tournament as well before losin g i n 198 9 t o Phi l Hellmuth , who bea t Cha n with a pair of black 9s and won $1.2 million. No on e I know bet s $ 3 o n a pai r o f 4s, muc h les s $300,000, bu t thes e guy s were playin g Texas Hol d 'Em , the roughest, toughest , orn'riest, poker game this side of the Ri o Grande. I f Las Vegas casino marquee s ar e an y indication, Texa s Hol d 'E m i s th e mos t popula r high stakes game i n town, and fo r that reason i s the las t real poker gam e i n this book . There are a lot of Hold 'Em variations, mostly named after the place where a particular variation was invented. Texas Hold 'E m is the most popular , at least i n Texas and Las Vegas.

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281

In Texa s Hol d 'Em , eac h playe r get s tw o dow n cards . There ar e fiv e communit y cards . Afte r th e card s ar e dealt, ther e i s a roun d o f betting . The n thre e o f th e community card s ar e expose d a t on e time , called th e "three-card flop " b y denizens o f the Binio n poker room . After a roun d o f betting, th e fourt h card , called "Fourth Street," is turned, followed b y another roun d of betting, then th e fift h card , called—yo u guesse d it—"Fift h Street." Fifth Street is followed by a final round of betting. Players use an y five of the community cards and on e o r both of their hole cards to make a five-card hand. It's an all-high game . If this sounds to o easy , it is—for low-stakes poker. It's the antithesi s of what neighborhoo d poke r i s suppose d to be—arcan e rules, lots of wild cards , hig h hands , th e more bizarre , the better . I tried dealing Texas Hold 'E m once in a quarter/hal f game. It was a complete disaster . There are only four betting rounds, so you can't generat e any excitement . An d everyon e ha s basicall y th e sam e cards—the five community cards. Eve n with each player having seve n card s t o choose from , th e hand s sucked . Someone wo n a million dollars on a pair of 9s? Well, clip me of f a piece o f that. Why is this game so popular with the pearl-handledrevolver set ? Becaus e Texa s Hol d 'E m i s al l bluff . Hundreds o f thousands o f dollars worth of bluff. It' s tough to bluff i n low-stake s poker . I n high-stakes, no-limit Texas Hold 'Em , the cards pla y a secondary rol e to the money, which i s a weapon i n the hand s o f high-stakes players. So forget tryin g to play with the bi g boys, pardner. Stick to Pyramid.

282

THE GAME S

WHAT WILL WIN

Anyone wit h a hig h pai r i n th e hol e i s goin g t o win. Three of a kin d o r a straigh t is rare. The world's cham p won with a pair of 9s. How good do you think your hands are going to be? VARIATIONS

The second most popular hold 'em game is Omaha Hold 'Em. The layou t is essentially the sam e a s tha t of Texas Hold 'Em , excep t eac h playe r get s fou r hol e cards . Hands are made up of two of the hole cards and three of the community cards. Are yo u ma n enough , tinhorn ? I f not, som e o f th e games i n the following chapters shoul d appeal t o you.

CHAPTER

18

Guts

tHE most feare d phras e i n ou r fortnightl y froli c is :

"Okay, everybod y ant e 5 0 cents. " Thi s announcemen t signals yet another excitin g and potentially chip-deleting game o f Guts. Each game of Guts consists of a series o f brief hand s that build a progressively large r pot for every brief han d dealt. Th e game i s called "guts " because the longe r it is played, the large r the pot gets and th e more guts it takes to keep on playing it. Guts played badly or unluckily can wipe out an entire night's worth of winnings faster than a Mike Tyson KO. It's embarrassing to be ahead on e minute and brok e th e next . If you insis t on playin g Guts, and if you're (a ) not willing to go home dresse d i n a barrel, (b) a compulsively bad player, or (c) a chicken, my advice is to put a limi t on the size of the pots . Conversely, the Guts rewards are commensurate wit h the Guts risk. A player can tur n around an entire evening in one hand . This knowledge prompts losers to call Guts as a last-ditc h effor t t o recou p unluck y losses an d a measure o f self-respect. The concep t o f Guts is deceptively simple. After th e

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cards ar e dealt (how many cards each player gets and in what sequence they are dealt depends on the particular variety of Guts in question), each player declares "in " or "out" usin g eithe r th e chi p o r th e sequentia l declar e method. W e use th e sequentia l metho d becaus e it' s faster. Onl y those player s who hav e stayed i n show their cards and compet e fo r the pot. After al l th e player s declare , thos e wh o hav e de clared "in " show their cards. High hand wins the whole pot. The playe r with the worst hand matche s th e pot . If two players tie for low hand, they both match the pot. All the othe r player s re-ante , includin g th e winner , which often double s th e previou s pot , an d anothe r roun d i s dealt. The game is over when only a single player has the guts to declare "in. " Get it? Let's run through the sequence o f events again, using the common Two-Car d Guts as an example. Eac h player is dealt tw o down cards. I n sequence, startin g with th e first player dealt , each playe r checks hi s card s an d de cides whethe r o r no t t o compete . I f yes, th e playe r declares tha t he's "in". If he doesn't lik e his cards, h e say s "out" (o r a colorfu l euphemism ) wit h n o additional penalty. After th e dealer declares "in " or "out," everyone who declared "in " shows hi s cards. A pair of Aces is the highest possibl e hand . Ther e ca n b e n o straight s o r flushes. A pair almost alway s wins; an Ace-hig h i s usually sufficient . Sounds simple , except tha t th e pot s are , a s I mentioned, progressive , an d gro w swiftl y an d dramatically. To mak e th e firs t roun d interesting , antes ar e usuall y higher i n Guts than for regular poker games. I f six players ante $2 each, th e initia l pot i s $12. A round of hands is dealt, ins and outs are declared, cards are shown. The winner o f th e han d win s th e initia l $12 . Th e lose r matches th e po t o f $12 to creat e th e bas e fo r the nex t

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pot. Fiv e of the six players re-ante—the loser has already anted by matching th e pot—$2 each. That's another $10 , raising the pot to $22. Cards are re-dealt, the winner wins $22, the lose r pay s $22 , everyone re-antes . No w the pot is $32 . Then $42 . Then $52 . The n $62 . And so on , unti l the po t get s s o hig h tha t player s wh o sta y i n no t onl y have Gut s bu t a touc h o f swam p fever . The y becom e delirious an d hallucinate . The y believ e tha t a 10-hig h will win i f they declare "in " first. Everyone else will think "Oh, well , i f he's stayin g i n with $6 2 at stake , h e mus t have a good hand," and will drop out. The 10-high player loses an d react s lik e Renfield , Coun t Dracula' s bug chewing assistant. H e starts climbing walls and laughing out o f context. It' s not a pretty sight. THE GAME Let's ru n throug h one quic k round t o giv e you a feelin g for ho w th e pla y goes. Just for the fu n of it, let's say th e pot i s up t o $62. We have si x players. You be Playe r C— right in the middle. Player A: (6 A 5*) Player A drops a s quickly as humanly possible . Player B (4 A K*) Player B , with a King , thinks about bluffin g t o scare all subsequent player s ou t o f the game . Bu t a playe r ca n also be hois t o n hi s own petard b y someone who actu ally has a good hand. Player B knows this , decides that discretion i s the better part of valor, and drops . You: (9 0 8A )

Straights can't win. Drop.

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Player D: (10* 2 S?) Three players hav e dropped; onl y two remain after him. Player D ha s a 10-high . Ou r potentia l Renfiel d think s about it , realizes he doesn't lik e spider stew, and drops . Player E: (KO 4S?) Player E suddenly sees an opportunit y with just he an d I remaining. A King is high. He also doesn't wan t to cede the hand and the $62 to me. He may have the same hand as Playe r B, but it' s a muc h bette r han d a t thi s point in the proceeding s becaus e onl y one playe r can possibl y beat him—me. If this were a chip declare, Playe r E might not hav e staye d in . Bu t in thi s sequentia l declar e wit h only yours trul y left , Playe r E bravely declares tha t he' s in. Brin g on the bu g bouillabaisse . Dealer: (5S? AS?) I stay in and, o f course, much t o Playe r E's chagrin, win the $62 . Everyon e re-antes , an d ther e i s no w $7 2 a t stake. The question you'r e askin g yourself is: "If this is such a silly and nerve-wrackin g game, wh y do peopl e pla y it?" Well, firs t o f all , I think we'v e prett y much establishe d that "nerve-wracking" is poker's raison d'etre. But a bigge r reason i s because i t is the bes t dealer advantage gam e i n poker. The dealer can make a killing, especially i n a sequential declare Gut s game. The dealer is th e las t t o decid e "in " o r "out. " Ofte n th e po t i s enormous, an d no one has the guts to stay in. The dealer wins the pot by default—he' s the onl y playe r lef t who hasn't declared . You see , i n term s o f strategy , when yo u declare — using the sequential method—i s critical. Players farthest

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from th e deale r rarel y stay i n unles s the y have a grea t hand. A s players dro p out , player s close r t o th e deale r realize there aren't many players remaining in who could beat them . The y ge t brave . Hand s th e firs t playe r may have droppe d wit h ma y look great to a player two seats from the dealer if no one else has declared i n (see Playe r B/Player D, above). Guts i s a dealer-advantag e game , bu t it' s the playe r closest to the deale r wh o i s really in the catbir d seat . If no one else is in when the declare reaches him , he's only playing against the dealer. Mano a mano. I know players who, i f no on e els e ha s staye d in , will automatically say "I'm in " if sitting next to the dealer . Afte r all, there's only one player left who can beat you and, once the pots start getting high , th e deale r ma y no t want to cal l your bluff . This advantag e fo r the deale r an d hi s neighbo r can be dilute d i n tw o ways . Th e firs t i s t o us e th e chi p declare method—on e chi p and you'r e in, no chip s an d you're out. But I think chips slo w the gam e down. Chip declare als o take s hal f th e fu n ou t o f Guts—there's n o bluffing. It' s simply a matte r of stupidit y . . . er, I mean guts, t o decid e to pu t a chi p i n your hand. I think tha t bluffing—declaring a s yo u g o aroun d th e table—i s a n essential par t of the Gut s experience . You want to dilut e the dealer' s advantage? Rotate the deal after each hand. Everyon e gets to be the dealer. The dealer wh o calle d th e gam e deal s on e hand . Afte r th e winners win and th e loser s matc h th e pot, the player to the dealer's lef t deal s th e nex t hand. After tha t hand, the next playe r t o th e lef t deals . Sinc e ther e ar e usuall y several hands i n a game of guts, every player should get a sho t at being the dealer. Another way to dilut e th e deale r advantag e i s t o le t the deale r remain s constan t bu t chang e th e first player dealt a card . O n the first round, th e playe r to the lef t of

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the deale r get s th e first card an d declare s first after al l the cards are dealt, as usual . On the second round , the second player to the lef t o f the deale r gets the first card and declare s first, and th e first player to the dealer's lef t is th e las t on e deal t an d th e las t on e t o declare . Th e player who i s dealt the first card i n a particular round is referred t o as the "oldest" hand , which indicates that he declares first. Some neighborhoo d game s don' t lik e t o pla y un limited Guts. If you rotate the deal, you can pu t a limit on the game by saying that Guts will be played only for one sequence of deals aroun d the table. Everyone deals on e hand, an d there'l l be n o more . Th e las t lose r matche s the pot , whic h become s par t o f th e po t o f th e nex t regular game dealt. Once the Guts game is over, dealer's choice dealin g continues a s i f nothing happened . Th e player t o th e lef t o f th e origina l deale r get s th e clea n deck and deals . The other way to limi t the po t i s to declare a monetary limit . Th e deale r ca n arbitraril y sa y "there' s a $50 limit." This means tha t no one ca n los e mor e than $50. Once th e po t reaches th e limit , th e lose r pay s only the $50. Everyone re-antes, bringing the pot over $50, but the loser pays only $50. At the other end o f the Gut s spectrum, there are Guts games tha t require all loser s t o matc h th e pot , games I call Doubl e Guts . I n th e Gut s han d I deal t above , fo r instance, i f Player B ha d decide d t o bluf f an d sta y in , both h e an d Playe r E would hav e lost , and bot h would have ha d t o matc h th e pot . S o instead of being $72 on the nex t deal, th e po t i s instead $134—two 1 antes o f $62 each, plu s th e $1 0 re-ante s fro m thos e player s smar t enough to have dropped. The po t i n Double Guts can b e raise d eve n higher if house rules allow players who originally declare "out" to

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come bac k i n th e game—fo r a heft y premiu m o r "bounty"—after everyon e ha s ha d a chanc e t o declar e and befor e th e hand s ar e revealed . I n the gam e above , for instance , afte r Playe r E an d th e deale r declar e in , Player B may decid e tha t becaus e onl y the final two players stayed in , he may have a shot with his King-high. Player B coul d pa y a predetermine d bount y t o com e back into the han d an d declar e "in." Bounty Guts, however, is a rare variation and i s suggested onl y for the idle rich or monetary masochists . Is there another reason to play Guts? You may as well ask why people play poker. The fear of losing prodigious piles o f president s start s tha t ol ' adrenali n a-pumpin' , sweat a-pourin' , an d hear t a-palpitatin' . An d that' s th e fun part . Here are some Gutsy variations.

INDIAN BASICS

Eliminate all reflective surfaces fo r this ridiculous game. Each playe r i s deal t on e dow n card . O n th e dealer' s mark, each player holds u p his card fac e out against hi s forehead s o that everyon e can se e his card except him. (The car d o n th e forehea d resemble s th e stereotypica l single feather , henc e the nam e o f the game . Bu t Indians are to o imaginativ e t o hav e invente d thi s mishegas. ) Indian produce s th e unusua l sigh t o f grow n me n gig gling (grow n men don' t usually giggle—they guffaw an d chortle, bu t rarel y giggle ) i n embarrassmen t a s the y crane thei r neck s an d squint , thei r eye s dartin g fro m forehead t o forehead . Forehead s ar e mean t t o b e fur-

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rowed, no t examined, and the y are an unusua l place t o find playing cards. Once al l the player s have see n an d absorbe d every one else's cards, and the giggling has subsided, regula r Guts rule s apply . Whil e stil l pressin g hi s car d t o hi s forehead, eac h player , i n tur n o r wit h chips , declare s "in" o r "out. " Indian , however , i s rarel y played usin g a chip declare ; there' s a n anatomica l problem . Wit h on e hand, you're holdin g a car d t o your forehead. You only have on e othe r han d t o tak e a chip , brin g i t under th e table, and either drop it inconspicuously int o your lap to keep you r han d empt y an d declar e "out, " o r fak e a n inconspicuous la p drop and kee p the coin in your hand to declar e "in. " Becaus e thi s maneuve r i s difficult , In dian is usually played using the sequential declare . Players learn about Indian from a dealer who jokingly threatens t o deal i t when he can' t thin k of anything else to play. There's alway s someone who has never heard of Indian an d demand s t o kno w wh y everyon e els e i s laughing a t th e suggestion . Th e gam e i s explaine d t o him. Hi s eyes ligh t up. He' s The Innovator , the gu y who likes t o inven t games , an d thi s i s easil y th e weirdes t game he's ever heard of. He wants to play it. Denying him the opportunit y won't satisf y hi s curiosity . If you don' t play it, he'll just deal i t when it s his turn anyway, so play the game and ge t it over with. Once the Indian neophyte realizes ho w sill y th e gam e is , i t will neve r b e playe d again. I f he happen s t o enjo y Indian , however , i t might be time to reconsider tellin g him when the next game is. STRATEGY

There is no strategy. In a sequential declare , player s who see hig h card s drop . On e o f the las t declarin g players with a hig h car d wil l win—everyon e els e wil l dro p i n deference t o hi m befor e h e ha s t o declare . Th e first

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player t o declar e neve r stay s in , unles s everyon e els e has deuces and treys. The fun (if fun is the right word) begins when players with Aces who have to declare early drop when they see a King on someone else' s forehead. If there are two Aces, or an Ace and a King , the gam e is over. The player with the first Ace or King , not knowing what his own card is , of course, see s another Ace or a King on someone else' s forehead an d drops . The player with th e secon d Ac e or King doesn' t kno w what h e i s holding , bu t h e see s a n Ace drop. H e doesn't se e anothe r Ace anywhere so, by process o f elimination , he know s h e ha s th e winnin g card. I t ma y no t bea t a n Ac e o r a King , bu t i t scared someone ou t of the game. Using the same logic, a player with the hig h card will always win because i t is impossible t o bluff . I f everyone ha s a fac e card , on e o f the tw o final players will win. The onl y time this game i s even vaguely exciting is when everyone has low cards. Each player, seeing all the low cards, think s he must have the only high card, so he stays in . But even a game with all low cards bog s dow n by the time the last couple of players declare. Once three or fou r player s with lo w cards hav e declared in , the last couple o f players know they must not have great cards , so they drop. This predictabilit y is why experienced player s don't play India n mor e tha n a coupl e o f times . Onc e th e novelty and th e childlik e charm wear off , nothin g is lef t but a dumb game. WHAT WILL WIN

Indian is a who will win, not a what. Since you can't see your card, it doesn't matter what you need to be holding to win. One of the two last players will win, unless there are two players with Aces or Kings .

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THE GAME

Let's run a quick seven-handed gam e to see ho w everyone plays . Remember , you'l l se e everyone' s car d bu t your own. As before, you're Player C, so I won't show you your card . I f logic follows , sinc e you'r e no t on e o f th e final two players to declare, yo u won't win. Here's what you see : Player A: 6* Player B: A* You: D Player D: 70 Player E: AO Player F: 8V Dealer: 6< ? Player A sees two Aces and drops . Player B, who ha s on e o f the tw o Aces, sees an Ace and drops . You se e a n Ace , yo u se e Playe r B' s Ace, an d yo u figure the odds of you holding a third Ace are low, so you drop. (See ? I told you you wouldn't win. You never listen to me. I hope you've learned your lesson. ) Player D sees an Ace and drops . Player E sees Player B and hi s Ace drop. He sees an 8 and a 6 still to declare, and no one else has stayed in. He realizes he must have a high card. He stays in. Player F and I see a n Ace. We both drop. Wasn't that exciting? You may be asking yourself by now, "Why is this bozo spending so much time on a game he finds so silly?" For the answe r t o that , let' s retur n t o th e choic e betwee n sequential declar e an d chi p declare . Almos t everyone finds a chip declare clums y in this game, so it is always played with a sequential declare.

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Let's hypothesize . I f we di d a chi p declare , wha t would yo u hav e done ? Woul d you hav e lef t th e coi n i n your lap and folded , or held on to the coin and stayed in? I'll wait. If yo u sai d "out, " you've mad e a foolis h bet. (An d I haven't seen your card, either , so my advice is not based on an y additiona l information . It' s fac e dow n o n th e table next t o me.) Yo u see, Player s B and E , the player s with the Aces, are the only ones who drop. Everyone else stays in . Surprised? Here's why: All the other players—those without Aces—see both Aces. Bu t Players B and E , both with Aces, see onl y the other fellow's Ace and not their own. Neither will want to stay in the game knowing there's an Ace showing. That's a ba d bet . Eac h Ace will therefore cancel the other out , and bot h will drop. In th e meantime , al l th e othe r players , i f they'r e savvy, realize that both players with Aces will (drop . The other player s als o se e lo w card s aroun d th e table — nothing highe r tha n a n 8 showing . Eac h remaining player believe s th e odd s ar e hig h tha t h e ha s a car d higher than a 7. So, using the chip declare method, bot h Aces lose and someone—mayb e you—will win. Using a chip declare, while logistically problematic, introduces uncertainty and i s the only way to make this game reasonably interesting . Good players, regardless of the card they hold, can win. Stupid players, regardless of the car d the y hold , lose . That' s ho w poke r shoul d b e played. By the way , you onl y had a 7 , s o Playe r F' s 8 i s th e high card left .

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MONTE CARLO Monte Carl o i s th e Gut s gam e closes t t o rea l poker . Monte Carlo is three-card Guts, but straights an d flushe s can win. The problem is settling on which hands are the highest. Because onl y thre e card s ar e dealt , som e player s labor under the misapprehension that a straight is somehow toughe r t o ge t than a flush . I' m not sur e i f they've actually figure d this ou t scientifically , bu t invariably , when Mont e Carlo i s called , someon e wil l sa y "What's higher, a straigh t o r a flush? " Th e deale r furrow s hi s brow, the n arbitraril y lay s dow n th e law . "The highes t hand i s a straigh t flush, " he'l l declar e authoritatively . "Then three of a kind. Then a straight, a flush, a pair, and high card." This is the way I usually hear it, anyway. Feel free t o make u p your own hand list , but be prepare d t o defend i t against someone who pulled a flush and loses to a tiny straight. WHAT WILL WIN

If you don't have a pair, I wouldn't stic k around .

TWO PLUS ONE Two Plu s On e i s two-roun d Gut s that force s player s t o deploy on e strateg y durin g the first roun d an d a com pletely different strateg y in the second round. Each player receives tw o down cards. Player s declare "in" o r "out, " a s i n standar d Guts . An y playe r craz y enough t o sta y i n receive s a thir d car d a s soo n a s h e declares. Th e winning hand lis t is the same a s for Monte

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Carlo. Hig h hand s ca n b e straight s o r flushes , an d th e order i s dictated b y the dealer . Player s with what would be a horrible hand in Two-Card Guts—say, a deuce and 7 of hearts—ma y sta y in , hopin g for the flush . Ace-high s stay in looking to pair up, and the y often los e when they don't. An Ace-hig h o n tw o card s i s th e secon d bes t two card han d i n Two Plus One, right behind a pair. In threecard Guts , both Monte Carlo and Tw o Plus One, Ace-hig. may not b e th e bes t hand , bu t i t probably won't b e th e worst. Many players stay in looking for the straight or th e flush, don't ge t it, and en d u p with hands worse than an Ace-high. O n th e positiv e side , a n Ace-hig h could en d up t o b e a pai r of Aces. You r odds of winning Two Plus One with an Ace-high on two cards ar e better than your odds of losing . Other than a pair, or even Ace-high, a good han d on two card s i s a ba d han d wit h thre e cards , an d a ba d hand wit h tw o cards coul d b e a goo d han d wit h three. This poker dichotomy , combine d wit h the pots that Guts can build , produces som e strange in/out decisions. Unless you have a pair on two cards, any decision t o stay in is a gambl e an d take s mor e gut s tha n an y othe r Gut s game. Because a third card i s dealt, a number of game play options arise . Yo u can deman d anothe r ant e fro m eac h of the player s who declar e "in " before their third card i s dealt. You can hav e another round of declares afte r eac h player receive s hi s thir d card . Yo u can hav e both . You can hav e neither—player s declar e "in " o r "out, " th e players wh o declare d "in " revea l thei r tw o hole cards , and eac h i n player gets hi s extr a thir d car d up , i n turn, Showdown-style. I like this method th e best. Everyon e sees what other players hav e gambled o n to stay in. Playing your hand in

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public, bare d t o th e wind , build s u p th e alread y hig h tension. THE GAME

Let's run a han d t o give you an ide a of who shoul d sta y and wh o shoul d go . You'r e Playe r C i n a six-hande d game. Player A: (QA K
You: (3
You hav e tw o to a lo w outside straight , but they'r e to o low. Eve n if you don' t ge t th e straigh t and jus t pair up , you probably won't win. You drop. Player D: (10
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I have a pair of deuces. A pair is always nice to have o n the deal, no matter what the denomination, so I'm in. "In" players tur n up thei r cards. Now , let's dea l th e third card . Player A: QA K\?

4*

No straight, only a Kin g high. Playe r A starts digging for the $5 to match the pot.

Player B: 100 8 0 8< ? Player B doesn' t ge t th e flush , bu t h e pair s up . He' s happy and wishes he could raise . You: Dropped. Player D: 10
5*

Player D doesn't pai r up , bu t he' s no t unhappy . As h e assumed, h e didn't win and he didn't lose.

Player E: Dropped. Dealer: 2 0 2* 7 0 I didn't get a third deuce, bu t I didn't lose either. As you can see , Playe r B didn't get his flush, but he got a second 8 and won the hand, beating my pair of deuces. Player A didn't get his straight, and, as he assumed, h e is the low hand and matche s the pot.

SHOES I hav e bee n tol d that the nam e o f this game i s a shortened version o f Horseshoes—the pitch and pol e game ,

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not a poker game. 'Almost " counts i n horseshoes, bu t it certainly doesn't count i n this crazed affair . Shoes is a variation on standard Two-Card Guts, with a demente d twist . Tw o dow n card s ar e deal t t o eac h player. There is a declare round . After the declare round, the deale r flip s ove r the to p car d o f the deck . I f the car d is black— a spad e o r a club—the n onl y on e car d i n everyone's han d counts . Player s match thei r single best cards, and th e player with the highest card wins. If there is a tie , the n th e secon d car d i s used , bu t onl y a s a tiebreaker. If two players each have Jacks, a player with a Queen wil l beat a player with a second Jack. However, i f a re d card— a diamon d o r heart—i f flipped over , then each player can us e bot h cards. The pair of Jacks would beat the Jack-Queen . Allow m e t o elucidate . Sa y you're holdin g a pai r of 7s. The guts y part o f this game i s to declare "in." If the dealer turn s up a re d card, you'll probably win with th e pair. Bu t i f a blac k car d i s turne d up , anyon e wit h a single 8 or higher will beat one of your single 7s. A pai r o f Aces, a s i n an y gam e o f Guts , i s a grea t hand. Th e bes t an d wors t han d t o hav e i s a lo w t o moderate pair. You'll win i f a red card i s dealt up, but i f a black card i s dealt, you'll be diggin g for drachmas.

BALLS A variation o f Mont e Carlo, Balls is a Showdow n Gut s game—all card s ar e deal t up . Player s hav e t o declar e "in" o r "out " afte r eac h roun d o f card s i s dealt , using either the chip or the sequence declar e method . The fu n o f this gam e i s showin g players who dro p after th e first card what thei r second card is , and show -

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ing player s wh o droppe d afte r thei r secon d car d wha t their third , an d ofte n winning , car d is . There i s muc h gnashing of teeth and wringin g of hands b y players wh o didn't have the balls to stick around . THE GAME

Let's ru n throug h a quic k hand . You'r e PJaye r C once again i n a six-playe r hand. I n this game , hardl y anyone drops o n th e firs t card ; we'l l dea l tw o t o each . And remember, these card s are all dealt up so everyone ca n see them.

Player A: 7* 79 Player A , with hi s pai r o f sevens , stay s in , wishin g h e could raise. Player B: 4* KA Player B has tw o spades and wishes h e didn't . It's tough for a possible flush to stay in the same hand with a pair. He sees that Player D has a potentially higher flush with an Ace . H e should drop . Fo r the sak e of argument, let's just say that there's onl y $5 at stake. He stays in .

You: K9 QA You have two to a straight, but two players ahead of you have stayed in , including a pair of sevens. You drop. Player D: A* Q* Player D has tw o to an Ace-hig h inside straigh t flush, a possible insid e straight , an d a n Ace-high . H e als o wishes he had a lousy hand to make the decision to drop easier. H e stays .

Player E: JA 2 9 Yuck. Playe r E is out.

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Dealer: 4 03 I se e a possibility of a lo w straight. I see mysel f staying in. I see mysel f getting a lousy card and no t the straight. I see tha t even i f I pair up, I couldn't beat th e 7s . I fold. Here's the final round o f up cards.

Player A: 7* 7
CHAPTER

19

Poker By the Numbers

There ar e time s whe n I play car d game s othe r tha n

poker. I know, I know, sacrilege. But man doe s not liv e by poker alone , especiall y i f there i s onl y one othe r car d player. I often wil l engag e an acquaintanc e i n a friendl y game o f gin. But m y mind doesn't wande r fa r fro m m y first love. I'll be dealt seven card s with three Kings and a pair o f 8s an d remar k to m y opponent, "Well , I'v e got a good poke r hand. " Poker players don't tend to be elitist about their game the way some bridg e and ches s players are abou t thei r games. Poke r players are willin g to play any card gam e for money , which explain s som e o f the anomalie s I'v e found i n som e neighborhoo d games . Hand s wil l b e dealt that are claimed to be poker but are definitely most unpokerlike. These ar e game s i n which ou r dea r friend s hearts , diamonds, spades , an d clubs , a s wel l a s ol d favorite s like flushe s o r straights, are rudel y tossed asid e i n favo r of cold, unfeeling numbers. Instead of "How high is your straight?" you hear , "Ho w many points d o yo u hav e i n your hand?" Points? In poker? Shocking, but true.

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Fortunately, many of these numbe r games are played high/low, which at least faintly resembles poker. Winners are decided b y counting point values. Aces are always 1 or 1 1 points, player's choice depending on whether he's going hig h o r low . Fac e card s i n som e game s ar e 1 0 points; i n othe r game s the y ar e wort h jus t 1/ 2 point. Other cards ar e worth their face value. But withou t suits o r five-car d hands , mos t o f thes e games aren' t worth anything. NUMBER GUTS As th e nam e implies , this i s a Gut s game. Th e deale r picks a numbe r o f points—say, arbitrarily, 15. He the n picks a numbe r o f cards—say , arbitrarily , four . Th e dealer then deals fou r cards t o each person. Eac h player declares "in " or "out. " Th e winner i s the closes t to 15 without goin g over. Face cards ar e worth their usual 10 points, Aces ar e 1 or 11 , and th e remainin g cards hol d their expressed values . As in Guts, the gam e i s over when only one perso n stays in . I f you rotat e dealer s t o eliminat e th e deale r advantage, i t become s eas y fo r a disgruntle d player / dealer t o end thi s game. The new dealer declare s "on e card, on e point. " Unles s Aces ar e deal t t o two people, only one playe r will have sense enough to stay in, thus effectively endin g this nonsense. I f declaring is done by chips, the game ends when providence allows .

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ARITHMETIC This i s Numbe r Guts combine d wit h dra w poke r an d standard poke r bettin g rules. It' s also probabl y the sim plest poke r gam e I'v e ever ru n across, other than Showdown, wit h rule s that can b e adapte d t o th e numbe r of players a t th e table . It' s a shor t game , wit h a lo t mor e betting than Showdown. I t won't mak e an y sense until I explain it. Arithmetic i s a high/lo w gam e usin g number s t o decide th e winner; the player with the highest point total in his hand split s the pot with the playe r with the lowes t point total. Aces ar e worth 1 or 1 1 points, face cards are 10, and al l other cards hold their face values. Each player gets seven cards down. The player to the left o f th e deale r open s a roun d o f betting . There i s a round of draws, based on ho w many cards ar e lef t t o be used. Fo r instance , i f you hav e fiv e player s an d eac h player gets seven cards , that's 35 total cards with 1 7 left . Each o f th e fiv e players , therefore , ca n receiv e u p t o three card s o n th e draw . There's anothe r roun d o f betting, then a declare, followe d by a final round of betting. Each player must use five cards t o make a hand. The lowest an d highes t hand s woul d contai n Aces , sinc e Aces ar e wort h 1 o r 11 . Fou r Ace s an d a deuce— 6 points—make a perfect low; four Aces and a face card— 54—make a perfec t high . Sinc e ther e ar e seve n tota l cards, a player could declare pi g using two different fivecard combinations . VARIATIONS

This gam e coul d easil y b e playe d lik e regula r dra w poker, using just five cards dealt to each player . But that

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lessens th e possibilit y o f bein g abl e t o declar e both , unless someon e corners the market on Aces . Arithmetic could also be played lik e seven-card stud poker. Bu t if you're goin g to pla y seven-card stud , pla y seven-card stu d an d qui t fooling around .

7/27 The name aptl y describes the object of this game, which takes a while to get used to: The player with cards that total closest to 7 and th e player with the hand tha t totals closest t o 27 split the pot . Aces ca n b e their usual 1 or 11; other cards are worth their expressed value . But face cards are wort h onl y Vz poin t an d wor k bette r i n a lo w hand. That' s right—fac e card s ar e valuabl e i n a lo w hand. "Flyin g sheep " sound s mor e natura l tha n "lo w face cards. " BASICS

Each player gets one car d fac e down and on e car d fac e up. There' s a roun d o f betting . The n th e deale r ask s players i f they want another card . A player can pas s o r take anothe r card— a "hit, " as i n blackjack . I f a playe r wants anothe r card , it' s dealt fac e up. After eac h player gets a chance to pass or take a card, there's a round of betting. Ther e i s anothe r roun d o f hittin g o r passing . There is another round of betting. A player can pass one round, then decide t o take a card i n the next round. Each player ca n pas s thre e times . Afte r th e thir d pass , hi s hand i s "frozen," and he can no longer take a card. The bettin g end s whe n everyon e i s froze n o r th e dealer run s ou t o f cards , whicheve r come s first . Th e dealer canno t ru n out of cards in the middle of a round.

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He mus t mak e sur e h e ha s enoug h i f everyone want s one mor e card. If there aren' t enough cards , the betting is over. There i s a declare, then a final round of betting. A pai r o f Ace s an d a 5—whic h ca n b e bot h 7 (1 + 1+5 = 7) an d 2 7 (11 + 11+5 =27)—is th e perfec t hand an d automaticall y win s th e entir e pot . Tie s ar e broken b y whatever th e hous e rule s ar e fo r winning or losing hands ; if one playe r has 6'/ 2 and anothe r has 7Vi , they spli t th e low . I f tw o player s hav e 26V £ an d 27Vfc , respectively, the y spli t th e high . Bu t hous e rule s ca n specify that "insides"—hands that are less than 7 or less than 27—bea t "outsides,"—hand s tha t are mor e tha n 7 or mor e tha n 27—o r vic e versa . I n othe r words , i f insides" rule, then a 6 !/2 beats a 7'/ 2 fo r low. If "outsides" rule, then the 7Vz beat s th e 6!/ 2 fo r low. The rul e should be expressed before the hand i s dealt. Betting ca n als o b e don e i n a variety of ways. Hig h hand showing—the one with the most points—can lead. Or the best lo w hand could alway s lead. O r the opening bet coul d simpl y move on e playe r to the lef t wit h eac h betting round , whic h i s th e wa y I'v e seen 7/2 7 played most often . STRATEGY

Bet heavil y with lo w card s suc h a s a deuc e o r a 3 , showing, then pass a couple o f times. Your hope i s that you'll bluff ou t any competing low hands. The same rule holds fo r high cards showing , in this case 9s and 10s . If you're within a few points of either 7 or 27, take another card onl y when you feel i t is completely necessary, suc h as whe n anothe r playe r start s t o bum p yo u back . Remember: Yo u can pass , the n tak e a car d o n th e nex t round. 7/27 demands mor e concentration tha n other games played at the poker table. ( I would have said "more than

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any other poker game," but I don't consider 7/2 7 poker.) You mus t be a n adep t card-counte r i f you hop e t o win. Eventually, every card i n the dec k will be deal t up, with the exceptio n o f each player' s hole card s an d th e few cards that are lef t i n the deck . B y the en d o f the game , you should have a pretty good idea of what cards are lef t and what you are likel y to get if you ask for another card. If you are the only player going for a high hand, don't worry about 27 being a limit. What you're interested in is building up th e pot . I f everyone else i s froze n o r keep s passing, kee p takin g card s t o creat e mor e bettin g rounds. You can probabl y take cards safel y int o the 40s, until one of the players with a low hand realizes that if he takes a couple more cards, he'll be closer to 27 than you will. The deale r i s responsibl e fo r keeping track o f ho w many times a player passes, although other players help. Knowing how many passes one playe r has lef t wil l have an impact on another player' s strategy. WHAT WILL WIN

A playe r often get s exactl y 7 o r 27 . I f you're withi n !/ 2 point of either total, you have a good hand . VARIATIONS

A player wins the whole pot if he has les s than 27 on ten cards, which is tough on players betting low.

SETTE MEZZO Blackjack i s the closest relatio n to this game, and 7/27 is a distan t cousin . I n Sette Mezz o (pronounce d set-a metzo), eac h playe r play s against the dealer , hoping to

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get close r t o 71/ 2 tha n h e does , henc e th e nam e o f th e game—"sette mezzo " i s Italia n fo r 71/2 . (There' s a dirt y Italian joke lurking i n her e somewhere, bu t damne d i f I can find it.) This is a game that can mak e a dealer rich beyond th e dream s o f avarice o r sen d hi m hom e wit h just a smil e and , mor e ofte n tha n not , no t eve n tha t much. Face card s coun t a s Vz poin t eac h (mor e lo w fac e cards; isn' t that a soaring ewe overhead?) an d Aces are worth just 1—who' d want to make an Ac e 1 1 i n a game in which the object i s to get closest to 7!/2? The deale r ante s fo r everyone . Eac h playe r the n posts a po t limi t bet , a l a Acey-Deucey (which will b e explained in a few minutes)—if the ante is a quarter and there are five players, a player can bet up to $1.25. Each player, including the dealer, receives on e car d down . As in blackjack , each playe r is asked i f he want s a n addi tional hi t o r hit s t o hi s card , an d h e ca n kee p takin g cards unti l he's satisfied with his hand. When a player is satisfied wit h his hand, the dealer asks th e next player if he want s extr a cards . Thi s proces s continue s unti l al l players are satisfied with their hands. The deale r turn s u p hi s car d an d play s hi s hand . Winners ar e determine d by each player' s distance fro m the 71/ 2 total , relativ e t o th e dealer . Fo r instance, i f th e dealer totals 9 , he i s 11/ 2 points fro m th e optimu m 71/2 . If Player A has a 10 , h e i s 2 !/2 away , farthe r fro m 71/ 2 than the dealer , an d h e loses . Playe r B has 6!/2 , on e poin t away from 7!/ 2 and close r tha n th e dealer , and h e wins. The deale r "wins " whatever i s lef t afte r payin g ou t los ings or collecting winnings. You can g o over 7 l/2—obviously, since you can ge t an 8, 9, or 1 0 on your initial down card. Takin g a hit on 6!/ 2 isn't a s bi g a ris k a s takin g a hi t on 1 7 is i n blackjack. Because eac h playe r first has to add up his own hand,

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then ad d o r subtrac t tha t tota l against th e dealer , Sette Mezzo ca n b e tediou s an d pla y longe r than blackjack. Ties ar e pushes—no'On e win s o r loses . An d becaus e face card s ar e '/ 2 poin t each , th e dec k get s use d u p quickly. Have a clean deck handy. To maximize the possible wins and losses , the dea l rotates until every player has dealt a round. To save time, each dealer either deals two rounds on his deal or deals until th e dec k i s use d up , whicheve r come s firs t o r whichever makes more sense to you. All remaining rules are lik e those o f blackjack. The game has n o se t finish except wha t the deale r declares before hand. Once around the table is usually plenty, or until the dealer goes broke.

CHAPTER

20

They Only Call It Poker

c ount the numbers , decid e a winner. Fac e card s are

low. All right, maybe sheep can fly. At least these number games ar e deal t lik e poker, hav e rule s lik e poker, pla y like poker. Some player s aren' t eve n satisfie d wit h thes e tor mented versions o f poker. Poker structure doesn't gener ate enoug h excitement . The y fee l they'v e go t t o creat e other games an d other structures in which poker rules as we know and lov e them don't apply. Sort of like poker in the Twiligh t Zone . You'r e travelin g through anothe r di mension, a dimension not only of flushes, straights, and full houses but of tricks and knocks. Your next stop—the Poker Zone . In many of these non-poker games, the rules of poker are junke d i n favo r o f th e rule s o f bridge , rummy , o r some other common car d gam e that semi-private-hospital-patients-cum-roomrnates pla y t o pas s th e tim e be tween horse pills , thin Jello, and blood tests . While playing bridge or rummy at a poker gam e may generate some big pots and may be interesting or diverting, bridge and rumm y are not poker, no matter how big

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the pot s ar e an d n o matte r how interesting or divertin g the gam e is . I like rummy when it' s eithe r that o r con templating surgery. I like bridge when i t goes over water. Not during a poke r game . I f I wanted to pla y rummy, I' d put mysel f in the hospital . I f I wanted to play bridge, I'd marry Wilma and mov e nex t door to the Rubbles . I like to win a poker hand with a full house , not by winning the most trick s or by being able to knock. I know. I have a responsibility. I'm writing a book o n poker. I' m obligate d t o presen t al l poke r games , n o matter ho w repulsiv e o r degenerate , i n th e interes t of thoroughness. However , I reserve the right to grumble.

TING-A-LING Good nam e for a poke r game , huh ? Als o know n as Molotov (which sounds better) i n some quarters, Ting-aLing i s close r i n spiri t t o th e childhoo d game s o f spit, crazy eights, and ol d maid than it is to poker. It's the only high/low game i n this non-poker group , which means it's not all bad. The object is to get rid of all your cards. How about feedin g the m t o th e dwee b wh o invente d thi s travesty? Seven cards— I won' t deig n t o cal l the m "com munity" cards, sinc e that would imply that Ting-a-Ling is a real poker game—are dealt face down in the middle of the table. Each player is dealt five hole cards. There is a round o f betting . The deale r turn s u p th e firs t o f th e seven dow n cards . All players who hav e a card i n their hand tha t matches thi s exposed card , discar d tha t card from thei r hand. In other words, if a Kin g is turned up o n the table , al l player s wh o hav e King s discar d them . Al l the Kings , no t jus t on e i f you hav e a pair . There i s a

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second round of betting. A second dow n card i s turned up. All players discard thei r matchin g cards. There is a third round of betting. This play continues until all seven down card s ar e turne d up . I f a car d matchin g a pre viously turne d tabl e car d i s revealed , ther e i s anothe r round of betting. A player who manage s to discard al l five of his card s wins th e entir e pot automatically an d th e gam e i s over. However, i n mos t game s eac h playe r is lef t wit h som e cards. Ther e i s a declar e round—hig h o r low—the n a final round of betting. Those players with fewer cards ar e likely to go low. Players with a lot of cards are likely to go high. Ace s ar e wort h 1 1 o r 1 , fac e card s ar e wort h 10, and all other cards are worth their expressed values (i.e., a 7 is worth 7 points). Ting-a-Ling lead s off this section because there i s a betting strateg y that at leas t resemble s tha t of poker i n this decidedly unpoker game. Pairs or three of a kind are good to have and t o bet o n early. If a card matches your pair or three of a kind, you'll get rid of two or three cards at a tim e and be lef t wit h a goo d low hand . If the matching card doesn't sho w up, you'll have a lot of cards left fo r a hig h hand. A high ful l hous e o r fou r o f a kind , therefore, is a pretty good hand to be dealt, just as in real poker. Fou r Aces ca n b e use d t o g o both ways—4 low and 4 4 high.

PILE DRIVER The ol d poke r axio m fo r player s worrie d abou t othe r players' hands is: Play your hand, no t someone else's. In standard poker , thi s i s easy . Player s can b e bu t aren' t necessarily directl y affected b y what their neighbors do .

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In this nasty little Pass the Trash-type affair , however, you are completel y a t the not-so-tende r mercie s o f your neighbor. The basic play is a serie s o f one-card hands , each han d separate d b y new antes, no t betting rounds. The winne r o f what become s a n enormou s po t i s th e player who lose s the fewes t numbe r of hands. Everyone antes . Eac h playe r i s dealt a singl e down card. I f a player likes his card , h e keep s it . If he doesn' t like it, he can trad e it with the player on his left . A player asked fo r a trade must accommodate , henc e th e dependency. The dealer trades with the deck. All of this keeping an d tradin g i s done i n th e sequenc e i n which th e cards were dealt . The player with th e lo w card—in this game, a deuce is the lowes t card—loses . If there's a tie for lo w card, each of the tied players gets a loss. Each player marks his losses with chips. These chips are merely a score-keeping device , not a penalty or bet. Each playe r who lose s put s a chi p i n fron t o f his othe r chips. Everyon e re-antes, anothe r singl e card i s dealt to each player , and anothe r sessio n o f keep o r trade s en sues. A player who lose s three time s is out completely. The game continues unti l only one player is left to claim the by-now-huge pot. Why is this game nasty? Imagine the horro r of being dealt an Ace—a guaranteed win—and having the player to you r righ t deman d a trade . But , if you ar e deal t a deuce, yo u are guarantee d a win since you know you'll be tradin g it for a presumabl y better card. Th e worst is being deal t a deuce , tradin g it away—an d gettin g an other deuce . As noted , th e pot s ca n ge t enormou s i f everyon e compiles losse s at the same rate . Some people play this game eve n nastier—wit h progressiv e antes . Th e firstround ante is 25 cents. The second round, 50 cents. The

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third round , $1 . Th e nex t round , $2—an d henc e th e name Pil e Driver.

ACEY-DEUCEY Of al l th e non-poke r games , I lik e thi s one th e best — which isn't sayin g much. Two card s ar e deal t fac e u p fo r eac h player . Th e object i s t o be t th e odd s o f whether th e nex t card wil l numerically fall between th e first two cards. If a Jack an d a 7 are dealt , you'll bet on whether you think an 8, 9, or 10 will be dealt up next. The optimum cards are an Acehigh and a deuce-low, henc e the name of the game. Any card ha s t o b e lowe r tha n a n Ac e an d highe r tha n a deuce, unless th e next card i s an Ace or deuce. THE GAME

For the first and las t time in this section, I'l l actually deal out a six-player round just to give you a clearer picture of how th e gam e plays . You are Playe r D. Everyone antes. The deale r the n deal s tw o up card s with a spac e fo r a third card between them , lik e so: 7* Q

O

The deale r turn s to Blayer A, to hi s left , an d ask s fo r a bet. Playe r A can be t an y part of the curren t pot that the next card turne d up will be worth more than 7 and les s than the Queen. I f the nex t card th e dealer turns up i s a 9, the player wins his bet and removes that amount fro m the pot . I f th e nex t car d i s no t betwee n a 7 an d a Queen—say it' s a 5—tha t playe r lose s an d place s hi s declared be t int o the pot.

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Player A makes a bet. The next card dealt up is: 7
QO

A 6 i s a loser . Playe r A places hi s be t i n th e pot . The dealer then deals up two more cards on top of the 7 and the Queen and offer s the m to Player B: 70 9

0

Player B doesn't lik e th e odds , s o h e passe s wit h n o penalty. The dealer turns up two more cards for Player C. 50

K

Nice choice. Playe r C bets the pot. K

AO 5 0

Not suc h a nic e card. Playe r C loses an d ha s t o match the pot. Your turn .

6A

4

Not a goo d choice . Yo u pass. Playe r E gets tw o ne w cards. 5A

49?

Also not so good. Player E passes (passin g happens a lot in this game, but it goes quickly, so the passes ar e not a great drawback). I get to see tw o new cards.

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24 9<

?

Normally, I'd pass. I've seen a lot of low cards, so there is probably a face card next. But this is the last.card I'l l turn in this example, s o I'l l bet th e pot. I turn up a card . 24 3 4 9V

I won! I rake i n th e pot , and th e gam e i s over. Now ho w come thi s doesn' t happe n t o m e whe n ther e i s rea l money a t stake ? If I hadn't won, th e game would have continued unti l someone els e be t an d wo n th e entir e pot. I f a dec k i s exhausted, a clean dec k i s used. VARIATIONS

Some Acey-Deuce y game s requir e a re-ant e afte r eac h player has playe d a bet or after eac h circuit of the table . These antes obviousl y help to build a substantial pot. In some games , th e dea l ha s t o g o a complet e round — everyone mus t get a chance to bet. I f someone wins the entire po t befor e a singl e circui t o f th e tabl e i s com pleted, everyone re-ante s and the game starts again until everyone ha s had a shot a t the pot. What happens i f the third card i s a tie? The way I play it, a tie is a loss for the player and h e must pay the pot . After all , he' s bettin g the nex t car d wil l b e betwee n th e two other cards . Othe r game s pla y a ti e lik e a "push, " blackjack tal k meaning no one wins and n o one loses . The player takes back his bet and the next player bets on a ne w se t o f cards . I n ye t anothe r variation , a ti e i s actually worse than losing—h e must double hi s bet. I f a player is shown a n Ace and a deuce and bets th e pot—

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and draw s anothe r Ace—h e owe s doubl e th e pot . Friendly, huh? In som e games , player s ar e allowe d t o choos e th e Ace as hig h or low—bu t only if the Ace is the firs t car d dealt, no t i f it's the second . Thi s adds a leve l o f guess work that usuall y hastens the onse t of poker's Murphy' s Law. I' m no t fon d o f thi s variation , sinc e I invariably guess wrong. When I call the Ace high, it's a fair bet that the nex t up card will be a King . I'll get the deuce when I call the Ace low. Better to leave well enough alone. Acey-Deucey prompt s a lo t o f sid e bets . Onl y on e player a t a tim e plays , an d th e othe r player s ca n onl y watch an d wai t their turns. I n fact, so muc h interestin g wagering i s don e o n th e sid e tha t Acey-Deuce y some times degenerate s int o a poke r version o f craps. Who's the shooter ?

BOURRE This gam e i s also called Frenc h Tickler , referring t o it s Cajun/French ancestry . An d i f Ting-a-Ling resemble s crazy eights, then Bourre is a three-card relativ e of whist and bridge . A s with man y poke r game s an d earl y Bob Dylan son g titles , the nam e ha s littl e o r nothin g to d o with th e content . Bourr e i s th e bes t poke r exampl e o f this name/content non-relativity that I've run across. I dug up a book b y a noted Englis h card gam e expert, David Parlett , wh o wrot e Th e Penguin Book o f Card Games. Accordin g t o Parlett , the gam e describe d here inafter shoul d b e calle d Loo , a three-car d gam e almos t identical t o th e gam e I call Bourre . Bourre is actually a five-card equivalen t of Loo. What's Loo ? Mr . Parlett says tha t "loo " i s "shor t fo r

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lanterloo, a cooin g refrai n onc e use d i n Frenc h lul labyes, bu t don' t as k why." But Mr. Parlett doesn't tel l u s what the word "bourre" means an d wh y it is the name of a card game. According to the Frenc h dictionary I have, "bourre" i s hair , usuall y anima l hai r o r fur . As a collo quialism, i t means "trash." Why am I bothering with thes e definitions? I wanted t o show you that not al l my researc h was don e aroun d a poke r table . I ma y no t kno w what "bourre" means, bu t I know how to use a bibliotheque.

BASICS

Bourre, as played a t the poker table, i s a three-card draw , Guts game . Eac h po t mus t b e divisibl e by three . Th e most effectiv e wa y o f assuring a n evenl y split pot i s for everyone t o ante thre e chips o f the same denomination. Here's th e play : Eac h playe r i s deal t thre e dow n cards. The dealer the n turns up one car d of f the second deck (ther e will be additional cards draw n from the deck being used) , whic h represent s th e trum p suit . Eac h player, i n sequence or b y chips, declare s "in " or "out. " Those who sta y i n draw one, two , or three replacemen t cards or stay pat, as i n draw poker. The player to the lef t o f the dealer lead s and places a card face up in the middle of the table. I f you have a card of th e sui t the playe r lead s with , you mus t play it. As in bridge and whist , the hig h card o f the suit played or any trump card—the sui t of the car d th e deale r turne d over from th e secon d deck—win s th e trick . Th e playe r who wins the tric k now leads. After al l thre e trick s are playe d i n that round, thos e players who wo n trick s split the po t proportionately—a single tric k get s a thir d o f the pot , tw o trick s gets twothirds of the pot, all three tricks gets the whole pot. The pot is not divided up unti l all tricks are won. All players

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who declare "in" and fai l t o win a trick must match the pot. The player s wh o decide d no t t o sta y i n o n a particular roun d d o no t hav e t o re-ant e t o pla y th e nex t round. Non-trick winners supply the next pot when they match it . The gam e end s whe n ther e ar e n o losers each player who staye d i n won a trick and spli t the pot. Since this is a Guts game, the dealer ha s the advantage, so the deal or dealer shoul d rotate . STRATEGY

To stay in, you want to have at least one hig h trump card or hig h cards o f other suits. If you have an Ac e of trump you are guarantee d a trick. But if you lead , don't hold it Play it right away. Players have to play whatever suit you play. B y playing th e trum p suit, you'l l dra w out al l th e other trump cards an d increas e you r odds o f winning a second trick .

31 I've save d th e wors t fo r last . First , 3 1 i s th e lengthies t poker game I've ever played—one "hand" lasted an hour and 4 5 minutes, and I was told that it was a quick game. Second, 3 1 i s traditionall y the las t han d deal t i n a n evening, which is bizarre since i t can tak e as lon g as all the previou s hand s combined. Bu t as wit h many base ball, football, an d basketbal l games, the first three quarters of the game are just a build-u p to a suspense-filled finish. BASICS

Actually, 3 1 is a serie s o f three-card gi n rummy games , and ther e i s on e winne r o f a large , stati c po t tha t i s

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319

mutually agree d upo n befor e an y card s ar e dealt . Fo r argument's sake, let' s say each player will risk $30. Each person a t th e tabl e place s thre e $1 0 stack s o f chips i n front o f him. Each playe r i s deal t thre e dow n cards . Th e firs t player gets a fourt h card , the n the deck i s placed i n the center of the table . The first playe r discard s his extr a card fac e u p nex t t o th e deck . A s i n gin , eac h playe r subsequently take s eithe r th e expose d car d o r th e to p deck car d an d substitute s that card fo r one i n his hand . Your discard become s the nex t exposed car d choic e fo r the next player. The objec t o f the gam e i s to get closest t o 31 points in the same suit befor e someon e knocks . (Fo r thos e non-gin player s ou t there , a playe r "knocks " whe n h e believes h e ha s a winning hand—he physicall y knocks on the table, which signals the end o f play.) A perfec t han d woul d b e tw o fac e cards , wort h 1 0 points each, and an Ace, worth 11 , all of the same suit — sort o f a miniatur e royal flush . Yo u are onl y pursuing cards o f a singl e suit, which make s i t impossible to get more tha n 31 points in three cards—hence the nam e of the game . Eac h playe r look s t o fill a flus h o f whatever suit h e chooses . I can chas e afte r hearts , yo u ma y b e chasing spades . N o sui t i s bette r tha n another , jus t a s long as you get that high flush before someone knocks. A flus h o n th e firs t thre e card s dealt , regardles s o f the denominations of the cards, i s also considered 3 1 and a winning hand; i t ends th e roun d without further play. A player who knock s must do so before he takes his next card. After th e knock, every player starting with th e knocker gets one mor e dra w to try to improve his hand. The player with the lowest point total toward a flush after a knoc k is the loser . If I knock with three hearts that total 27 and you have only a King and a 4 of spades, yo u have

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14 points . You r thir d card , i f it's a non-spade , doesn' t count towar d your total. The lose r i n each round place s one o f his stack s of chips int o the pot. I f there's a tie for the lo w hand, each losing playe r loses a stack . I f a playe r knocks wit h exactly 31 (tw o face cards and a n Ace), everyone lose s a stack. Afte r eac h hand, th e dea l shift s t o the lef t fo r the next hand. The game is finally over when only one player has any chip stacks left . H e wins the entire pot. The game wil l always come down t o two final players. I f these players have a tie hand, it is a push, and th e hand i s re-dealt . Som e neighborhood s pla y that i f th e two final players tie a hand, both lose , an advantage t o the player with more stacks lef t than his opponent. Bu t if they bot h hav e on e stac k left , the y can' t bot h los e a stack, so they revert to the push rule. Did I just go around in circles? Sorry , but that's how some peopl e pla y it. STRATEGY

It's bette r to knock early if you hav e a flus h close to 31, rather tha n waitin g t o improv e it , especiall y i f you ar e down t o your last stack . A player with more than 20 on the dea l an d onl y one stac k remainin g gets desperate . Also, keep al l high cards, n o matte r what the suit, until you ge t a hig h card i n your own suit. You don't want to give a high card of a different sui t to the next player who may be collecting tha t suit. It's important to watch what cards your neighbor picks up. If he's picking up spades , you'll have to decide whether to break up your low flush in orde r no t t o giv e up a fac e car d o f spades and ris k filling in his high flush. WHAT WILL WIN

It's importan t to have at leas t 2 0 points when someon e

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knocks, an d anythin g abov e 2 5 i s considere d safe . There's a lo t o f nervou s car d pla y afte r a knock , a s players scrambl e t o buil d thei r poin t tota l o n on e las t draw. VARIATIONS

In som e games, havin g three o f a kind—thre e 3s, three 7s, whatever—is considere d a 31-poin t total . This rul e speeds up th e game , althoug h i t is already so lon g that the coupl e o f minutes you sav e wit h this variation usually aren't wort h th e confusio n an d th e additiona l tim e lost caused by trying to figure out what your neighbor is collecting—similar denominations o r one suit . There ar e als o mino r limitations placed o n th e first player who get s fou r cards . Som e player s pla y he can' t knock immediatel y o r ca n knoc k onl y i f he ha s 41— a four-card flush with three face cards and an Ace. But that is suc h a lon g shot tha t there i s n o sens e eve n calling such a restriction. To avoi d thi s specia l situation , deal thre e card s t o everyone, turn up the top card o n the deck, and anyon e can the n knock . Or you can forge t thi s whole busines s and dea l a quic k gam e o f Showdow n t o decid e wh o stays lat e to help clean up . THE PLAY

I can' t dea l ou t a han d becaus e i t would tak e u p th e entire book. But it is customary t o call ou t the score a s each playe r lose s a stack : "Afte r fou r inning s [rounds], the scor e i s 3-1-2-2-3, " which i s simpl y countin g ho w many piles everyone ha s left . Th e play gets exceedingly nerve-wracking th e longe r i t goe s o n an d th e close r players ge t t o losin g thei r thir d stack s an d becomin g spectators.

A Final Note

I

n high-stake s poker , on e playe r invariabl y show s enough skil l t o wipe ou t hi s opponents . I n fact , man y high-stakes games end when one player has cleaned out all the other players . Th e evening's winner doesn't even have to have good cards . If he had mor e nerve than his opponents and had good cards showing, he could scare anyone int o dropping. But the odds of a big winner decreases as the stakes decrease. Player s ar e les s likel y t o b e bluffe d ou t i f it doesn't cos t tha t muc h t o sta y in . I n low-stakes poker, nerves aren' t enough . You have t o hav e goo d card s t o win. There wasn' t an y mone y be t i n th e game s i n this book, an d I kep t player s i n hand s tha t I would hav e folded unde r norma l circumstances . Bu t I hav e bee n keeping track of winners and losers . This is low-stake s poker, and no one got wiped out. Actually, things worked out rathe r equitably . You won seve n hands , secon d t o Player E, who won eight. Here's th e fina l tally , t o illustrat e the democrati c nature o f low-stakes poke r (spli t pots are counted a s a total win):

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FINAL NOTE

You: Seve n pots Player A: Si x pots Player B: Fiv e pots. Player C: Three pots. Player D: Si x pots. Player E: Eigh t pots Me: Fiv e pots. May all your games be as well-spread.

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SECTION

III

GLOSSARY

There hav e been numerou s tome s o n card game s and

poker, includin g th e ubiquitou s Messrs . Hoyl e an d Scarne (Hoyle wasn't even alive when early-19th-century Mississippi steamboat traveler s started t o play Bluff, th e forerunner of modern-day poker). All the authors o f these volumes attempt to explain the meaning of certain poker buzzwords, or to introduce their own variations of terms into the poker vernacular . Now, i f Ed McMahon were writing this, he'd b e deliv ering the straigh t line: "Well, Johnny, I guess tha t mean s that ther e hav e bee n plent y o f compilation s o f poke r terms. These author s are all experts, grea t card players, and they'v e probabl y covere d th e topic better tha n anyone els e possibly could . I n fact, I'l l bet that every poker term you've ever heard has already been denned! " Wrong, bottom-of-the-dec k breath . I hav e mad e a humble attemp t t o defin e and , i n some cases, redefin e

325

326

GLOSSARY

terms, words, an d phrase s tha t when sprinkle d liberally around th e fel t ar e sur e t o ingratiat e you with any loca l poker constituency . ACE (aka Ass, Bullet, Bull , any of these precede d b y th e word "Big") : Either the lowes t or the highest card in the deck, dependin g on the game . I n point-total games, i t is worth 1 point o r 11 , as i n blackjack . Because i t i s th e highest car d i n th e deck , th e playe r dealt th e first Ace always opens the betting . (It is the heigh t of poker coo l to immediatel y be t whe n yo u ar e deal t th e firs t Ace , without waitin g fo r anyone els e t o ge t thei r firs t cards . This move says t o the other players that you know what you hav e an d yo u kno w what t o bet. ) A n Ace i s ofte n used t o decid e wh o wil l dea l first. Someone jus t deal s out cards , on e pe r player , until a n Ac e show s up . Th e first to get a Bullet , deals . ACEY-DEUCEY: A Guts game in which two cards ar e dealt up and a player bets pot limit if he thinks a third card will fall numericall y betwee n th e two . S o name d becaus e Ace is high and deuc e is low, which is a sure bet sinc e all cards fal l betwee n them. ANACONDA: See Pas s th e Tras h ANTE: An amount dictate d b y the deale r as a minimum bet t o b e place d int o the po t befor e a han d i s dealt. In some neighborhoo d games , th e ant e i s th e maximum bet allowed i n a hand until a pair is showing. ARITHMETIC: A seven-card Gut s game with on e dra w in which th e playe r with the highes t point total split s the pot with the player with the lowes t point total.

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327

ART GALLERY: A hand that has al l picture (face) cards. BABY STRAIGHT (ak a Smal l Straight) : A lo w straight , usually A-2-3-4-5 or 2-3-4-5-6. BALLS: A three-car d stu d Gut s gam e wit h tw o dow n cards and one up card . BASEBALL: A seven-card stu d gam e i n which 3s an d 9 s are wil d an d a 4 get s yo u a n extr a card . Als o Nigh t Baseball, which is No-Pee k Baseball , and Winte r Baseball, i n which ther e ar e sligh t rul e change s whe n rea l baseball i s not being played, after th e Worl d Serie s an d before sprin g training. BEDSPRINGS: A communit y card gam e i n whic h hol e cards ar e use d i n conjunctio n with paire d card s fro m parallel rows of common cards . BET BLIND: Be t withou t an y u p card s bein g dealt , o r without lookin g at you r hol e cards , a n ac t o f Macho Bravado. BITCH, THE: A seven-card stu d game in which the Queen of spades either (a) end s th e game, prompting a re-ante and re-dea l i f dealt up , (b ) split s the po t i f dealt i n th e hole, (c ) i s wild whe n deal t i n the hole , o r (d ) a com bination of two or all three of these options . BLACK MARIAH: 1 . A High Chicago-type game in which the winnin g han d mus t also contain th e hig h spad e or the han d i s re-deal t an d al l player s re-ante . 2 . Another name fo r High Chicago . BOAT: See Ful l House .

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GLOSSARY

BOOKENDS: Five-card stu d with first and las t cards dealt down. BOTH (ak a Pig) : A player who believe s tha t he ha s bot h the highes t han d an d th e lowes t han d i n a high/lo w game o r th e bes t han d an d th e spli t card i n other split games. A player who declare s both hig h hand an d lo w hand mus t wi n both— a ti e disqualifie s a playe r thu s declaring fro m an y shar e o f th e pot , an d hi s han d i s disregarded whe n determinin g the eventual winners. BOURRE: A three-card whist-lik e game. BRICK: A high card deal t t o a han d tha t appear s t o b e low. BUMP: T o raise. BURN: T o lose with a grea t hand , o r t o win with a great hand—burn or be burned—especially if you thought you had the hand locked . Fo r instance, losin g a hand wher e you hel d fou r o f a kind , and losin g to a straight flush. It can be used as a rioun ("That was some burn!") or as a verb, usually in the pas t tense . ("I really got burned!") BURN AND SQUIRM (ak a Lowboy) : A five-car d stud , alllow game. BURY (ak a Duck) : T o put a car d a t th e botto m o f o r midway i n a dec k o f cards. This i s mos t ofte n don e i n blackjack, whe n th e firs t car d of f a shuffle d dec k i s placed face up on the bottom of the deck to stop a dealer from dealin g off the bottom . In neighborhood poker, this is the mos t convenien t way of getting rid of discards.

GLOSSARY

329

BUY (aka Buy/Substitution): Paying an agreed-upon price to exchang e a car d fo r a replacemen t car d fro m th e deck, usually at the end of a stud game . BUY A POT: A pejorative term for when a playe r has be t so much money that he has bluffe d all the other players out of the game and wins the pot by default. The implication i s tha t th e winne r di d no t actuall y hav e th e bes t hand, just the deepest pockets. BUY YOUR CARD: A five-car d gam e i n which each player gets two down cards an d buys three additional up card s from a set of community cards. BUY YOUR CARD/SUBSTITUTION: Sam e concep t as Bu y A Card, except eac h player is dealt two down and three up cards, then gets three opportunities t o trade his cards for three different ones from a set of community cards. CALL (ak a See , Stay) : To bet th e sam e amoun t a s th e previous player . CASE: The fourth card of a denomination, e.g. , th e case King, meanin g th e fina l o f th e fou r Kings . Pullin g th e "case" car d o n th e las t car d o f a han d i s considere d against the odds and ofte n induce s eithe r much frustra tion o n th e par t of the loser s o r applaus e i f your fello w players are broad-minded. CHECK CHANGE: An expressio n use d b y pi t dealer s i n casinos when a player wishes t o buy a larg e number of chips usin g a high-denominatio n bill. I n neighborhood poker, it means t o buy chips in the middle of a hand .

330

GLOSSARY

CHECK AND RAISE (aka Sandbagging) : This is a practic e of checking on your first bet in a round, then raising the next tim e the bet come s to you in the sam e round . A variation of this is "call and raise," which means you see a bet, then raise on your next bet in the same round. This practice i s usuall y illega l i n "friendly " game s an d wa s the basis for many shootouts in the Ol d West. CHECK: You want t o sta y in , bu t yo u don' t wan t t o bet ; only use d i f you ar e th e firs t betto r o r follo w anothe r check. Once someone bets, you have to call or fold. CHECK TO THE BUMPER (aka Check Around): A clue to fellow bettors fro m th e initia l bettor that it would be wise for everyon e t o check if someone had raise d inexplica bly (or explicably, depending on the game being played) in th e previou s round ; i f players hav e take n th e clue , players wil l al l chec k unti l th e be t reache s th e culprit , who then usually opens the betting. CHICAGO (ak a Hig h Chicago) : Hig h spad e i n th e hol e splits th e pot with the high hand. Thi s can be a declare game or not. When it is played as a declare game , there is often a round of betting after th e declare. CINCINNATI: Th e simples t communit y card game . Eac h player get s fou r hol e card s an d ther e ar e fou r o r five community cards, depending on the version. CLEAN DECK (ak a Washe d Deck): A shuffled dec k read y to be cut and played . CLOSED: A poker game in which all cards are hidden; the most commo n close d game is five-card draw.

GLOSSARY

331

CLUB(S) (ak a Clubber, Puppy Toes, or Puppy Paws): One of fou r suits ; one o f two black suits . CRISS CROSS: A high/lo w gam e wit h fiv e communit y cards arranged in two intersecting rows forming a cross. The middle card ca n be made wild or used t o indicate a split suit. Cur: 1 . To divide the dec k i n hal f prio r to a deal . Thi s supposedly keep s th e deale r hones t b y spoilin g a stacked deck . Th e cut i s performed by the playe r to the dealer's right, as i n "cut right, deal left. " 2. A quick highcard winne r game . Eac h playe r cut s th e deck , an d th e player revealin g th e highes t car d wins . Ofte n use d t o determine wh o deal s first—eac h playe r cut s th e dec k and display s th e car d wher e everyon e ca n se e it . He replaces the cards and th e next player cuts fo r his card . The player who cu t the highes t card deals . 3 . A share of a split pot given to one o f the winners. DEAD MAN'S HAND: Tw o pair, Aces and 8s . Some player s mistakenly cal l an y combinatio n o f Aces an d 8 s "dea d man's hand," but it is only black Aces and 8s, clubs and spades, the han d hel d b y Wild Bil l Hicko k when he was killed by a shot i n the back i n Deadwood, Sout h Dakota, in 1876 . (The fifth card was the deuce of spades, in case you care. ) DEALER CONTROLS: When the deale r has the hig h hand showing and opens the betting. DEATH WHEEL: A high/lo w communit y car d gam e i n which a playe r gets fou r cards , the n combine s the m with any three consecutive card s arranged i n a six-card circle.

332

GLOSSARY

DECLARE: Use d i n a spli t gam e afte r th e las t roun d of betting. Eac h playe r announce s whic h han d h e wa s playing for—high hand , low hand, or both. DERELICT POKER: Poke r playe d whil e drinkin g con tinuing shot s o f Wild Turke y an d B V (Black Velvet). An hour of this and stake s g o up considerably. DIAMOND(S) (aka Die-a-moan(s)): One of four suits; one of two red suits . DISCARD(S): The car d o r card s no t desired b y a player and replaced b y new cards, usually in a draw or substitution game . DOWN: A card dealt on it s face, back up , so no one ca n see its value. Hole cards are down. DOWN AND DIRTY (aka Down and Filthy , Down and Nasty , etc.): The phrase most often use d by dealers to describ e the last down card in seven-card stud . DRAW (ak a Straigh t Poker) : Four- o r five-car d game s i n which each player is dealt all down cards, then replaces up to three after a round of betting. DRESSED: Th e po t i s even—al l player s have called , o r everyone has anted. DROP (ak a Fold) : To decide no t t o continu e in a hand ; you indicate your desire an d disgus t by flipping all your cards fac e down . DUCK: See Bury .

GLOSSARY

333

FACE CARD: See Royalty . FISHING: Takin g dow n card s whe n th e odd s ar e no t i n favor o f you r gettin g th e car d you'r e lookin g for , es pecially when yo u bu y a dow n car d i n Bu y Your Card / Substitution. FLUSH: Five cards of varying denominations o f the sam e suit. Beats a straight but loses to a ful l house . FOLD: See Drop. FOLLOW THE QUEEN: A seven-car d stud , changeabl e wild-card game . FREE RIDE: Th e be t ha s bee n checke d aroun d an d n o one has to pay by betting to see their next card. FULL HOUSE (aka Boat , Full Boat): A five-car d han d with a three of a kind and a pair. Beats everything except fou r of a kind and a straight flush. A Tug Boat is a ful l hous e with cards o f low denomination. GUTS: Game s mad e u p o f a serie s o f shor t hand s i n which player s compet e fo r a stati c pot ; ther e ar e n o betting rounds . Th e gam e end s whe n onl y one playe r has the guts to declare "in. " HAND: A single, contained gam e consistin g o f a spec ified numbe r o f cards an d bettin g rounds, with player s competing fo r a single pot. HEART(S): One o f four suits ; one o f two red suits .

334

GLOSSARY

HIGHBALL (aka High): 1. The opposite of Lowball, or th e best hand. 2. A mixed drink of alcohol, usually whiskey, and soda, served i n a tall glass, a favored drin k of poker players. HIGH CHICAGO : Se e Chicago . HOLD *£M : A community car d gam e consistin g o f tw o hole card s an d a numbe r o f community cards turne d singularly or in groups. Hold 'E m is a bluffing gam e an d is the gam e o f choice for Las Vegas poker tournaments. Variations are named after locales. The most popular are Texas Hold 'Em and Omah a Hol d 'Em . HOLE CARDS: Card s dealt down , most ofte n th e first two and fina l card s i n a stu d game , an d no t seen b y other players until the final calls. HONEST: A s in "I'll keep him honest," which means that a playe r wil l be t onl y s o anothe r heavy-bettin g playe r with good card s showin g doesn't win the pot by default; the inference is that the player who could win by default has a n "honest " o r winnin g han d an d i s no t bluffing . (Also see Natural.) HOOK: Slan g fo r a Jac k (becaus e a "J " resemble s a hook). HOUSE RULES : Guideline s se t b y consensu s o f al l th e players i n a neighborhood game . Thes e rule s cover th e stakes, th e ante, and how certain games are played. INDIAN: A one-car d Gut s gam e i n whic h eac h playe r holds hi s car d u p o n hi s forehead—lik e a feathe r i n a

GLOSSARY

335

Native America n headdress—s o everyon e excep t hi m sees the card. INSIDE STRAIGHT: You've got fou r cards t o a straight, but you need a card i n the middle—for instance , you'v e got the 7 , 8, 10 , and Jack , so all you need i s the 9 . You need one o f th e "inside " card s o f th e straight , on e o f fou r cards, to make the hand. IRON CROSS: A high/low community card game in which a player gets three down cards and combines thes e with two consecutiv e card s fro m a serie s o f si x card s ar ranged lik e hal f a swastika , wit h cards on th e opposit e corners wild . ' JACK (aka , John , Johnny , John-Boy, Hook) : Th e fourt h highest card i n the deck. Ofte n use d t o decide who wil l deal first: Someone deal s ou t cards unti l a Jack show s up. Th e firs t playe r t o ge t a hoo k deals . Th e Jac k of hearts i s also a popular literary metaphor for a bounder and a cad (se e Bo b Dylan's "Lily, Rosemary and the Jack of Hearts " fro m hi s 197 5 album Blood o n th e Tracks). This ha s nothin g to d o wit h poker , bu t i t i s interesting . JACKS OR BETTER: A hand that contains at leas t a pair of Jacks. Ofte n use d a s the criteria for a player to open th e betting in a five-card draw game. KANGAROO STRAIGHT: A n Abbot t and Costell o joke; a straight mad e u p o f every other card, e.g. , 2-4-6-8-10 or 3-5-7-9-J. KICKER: An extra card kept by a player in draw; high card kept with a low pair that a player hopes t o match to give him a hig h two pair.

336

GLOSSARY

KING (ak a Cowboy , Klang , Crown , Clown , Kink) : Th e second highest card i n the deck to the Ace. KITTY: See Pot . LADY, THE 1. A Queen. More than on e Quee n woul d b e "ladies." 2. A combination o f Follow the Queen and The Bitch—an expose d Quee n change s th e wil d car d an d the Queen o f spades is wild in the hole or splits the pot with the high hand. 3. Follow the Queen with Queens in the hole wild. LIGHT: See Shy. Low: The worst hand—no pairs, no flushes, etc. The best low is a 6-4-3-2-A of different suits . LOWBALL (ak a Lowboy) : A five-car d o r seven-car d stu d all-low game. Th e five-card variety often feature s one o r more buy/substitution rounds. Low HOLE: A seven-card stu d gam e i n whic h eac h player's lowest hole card is wild. MAN WITH THE Ax: 1. The King of diamonds (he's holding a n ax) . 2 . A five-card draw game i n which deuces , Jacks and th e Kin g of diamonds are all wild. MATCH THE POT: A player owes the amount of money currently in the pot. A player can be forced to match th e pot if he misdeals or otherwise transgresses; als o part of some games such as Baseball—a player must match the pot or fold when dealt an exposed 3—and Acey-Deucey.

GLOSSARY

337

MICK: Nickname for a 7 , in honor o f Mickey Mantle (se e next entry). MICKEY MANTLE: Seven-card stu d with 7s wild—7 is th e Mick's New York Yanke e uniform number. MISDEAL: Th e deale r screw s u p b y missin g a playe r when dealing , givin g on e playe r to o man y cards , o r turning an up card that's supposed to be down. I n some strict games , th e deale r mus t matc h th e po t whe n h e messes up. In all events, the hand i s re-dealt. MURDER: A variation of High Chicago in which the high spade anywhere, u p or in the hole, automaticall y split s the po t with the highest hand, and th e Queen o f spades is wild if in the hole . NATURAL (ak a Honest) : A hand tha t is complete without a wil d card . There's n o advantage to holding a natura l hand in a wild-card game, but it seems more honorable . ON THE BOARD: See Showing. ONE-EYED JACKS: Th e Jack s o f heart s an d spades , s o named becaus e the y are see n i n profile . Ofte n use d a s wild cards . OPEN: 1 . T o start th e bettin g afte r a roun d o f card s i s dealt. 2. See Up. Cards are dealt face up; often used as an adjective t o describ e an y poker gam e i n which players' cards are dealt showing, as in stud. 3. A verb used when instructing a player to turn over a down card—"Open up a card."

338

GLOSSARY

OPENERS: Th e han d neede d t o ope n th e bettin g i n a draw game, ofte n a pair of Jacks. OUTSIDE STRAIGHT: You've go t fou r card s t o a straight , but you need a car d t o star t o r end th e sequence—fo r instance, you'v e go t th e 8 , 9 , 10 , and Jack , s o al l you need is a 7 or a Queen to fill out the straight. PASS: Unabl e t o open , a s i n five-car d draw , Jacks o r better. If you don't hav e a pair of Jacks, you can't open , so you "pass." Not to be confuse d with "check." When you pass, i t means you can't open, but you reserve the right t o raise—yo u coul d hav e fou r t o a flus h o r a n outside straight—whe n th e be t come s bac k aroun d t o you. PASS THE TRASH (aka Anaconda): A five- or seven-card stud gam e i n which players pas s unwanted cards to the player on their left instea d o f drawing from th e deck . PAT: A hand tha t require s n o furthe r changes . Used i n draw when a player doesn't want any additional cards. PIG: Se e Both . PILE DRIVER: A one-card , Pas s th e Trash-typ e Gut s game. POKER FACE: No expression to giv e away what you ma y be holding. Tough to do and maintain since the tendency is to use i t only if you have a good hand; therefore, if you have a goo d han d an d you're expressionless , everyon e knows you have a good hand . POT: Short for Jackpot; refer s to that pile of money in the

GLOSSARY

339.

center o f th e tabl e tha t yo u hop e wil l b e your s i n a couple of minutes. POT LIMIT: A house rul e that allows a n individua l to be t as muc h mone y a s ther e i s i n the po t a t th e tim e o f a particular bet . Use d i n higher-stake s games o r fo r spe cific hands like Acey-Deucey. PRESIDENTS: Cas h money , foldin g bills , th e gree n stuff , cabbage, lettuce , bucks , dough , i.e. , Washingtons ($1) , Jeffersons ($2) , Lincoln s ($5) , Jackson s ($20) , Grant s ($50), McKinley s ($500) , Cleveland s ($1,000) , Madisons ($5,000), and Wilsons ($100,000) . Hamilto n ($10), Franklin ($100) , and Chas e ($10,000 ) were never elected chief executive, bu t they're included . PROGRESSIVE: Increasingl y higher, referrin g t o eithe r antes or hands required t o open or win. For instance, if no on e ca n ope n i n a Jack s o r Bette r five-card draw game, opener s wil l ofte n becom e Queen s o r Bette r on the next deal, and the re-ante befor e the next round will double. PYRAMID: A seven-card high/lo w game wit h community cards arranged in three rows of three cards each. QUATRO: 1 . Nicknam e fo r a four . 2 . Nicknam e fo r a quarter—the coin . A quarte r i s als o referre d t o a s a "quewter," pronounced "cuter. " QUEEN (ak a Bitch , Whore , Witch , Lady , Queen) : Th e Queen of spades is also the subject of her own game and is often use d a s a wild card. QUORUM: Th e minimu m numbe r o f player s neede d t o

340

GLOSSARY

run a decen t neighborhoo d game , usually five players. Players call th e host and ask, "D o we have a quorum?" so they don't waste their time going to a game with only four players . RED AND BLACK: A community card game with two rows of paralle l cards , a ro w designate d "red " an d a ro w designated "black. " A spade o r a clu b revealed i n th e "red" row is discarded, an d vice versa. Player s combine their choice o f hole card s wit h an y remaining cards i n the rows to create a five-card hand. REPLACEMENT (ak a Substitution) : I n som e game s (i.e . Wild Kings), you are allowed to replace one of your cards and pay to get another card. This replacement is bought from th e dealer fo r a specified price . ROCK: A dollar. Half a rock is 50 cents. ROLL YOUR OWN: 1. Each player is dealt three cards down instead of the usual two down/one up sequence to start a seven-car d stu d game . Eac h playe r ca n the n choose his own first up card. Technically, this should be done i n sequence o f hands dealt or simultaneously, but it rarel y is . 2 . A seven-card stu d gam e i n which eac h player get s eac h succeedin g car d down , the n decide s which of his three down cards t o reveal. This revealing should als o b e don e eithe r i n sequenc e o r simulta neously, but it rarely is. ROVING KINGS: See Wil d Kings . ROYAL FLUSH: A straigh t flus h o f 10-J-Q-K-A . Th e bes t natural han d i n poker , yet i t can b e beate n b y five of a kind in a game with wild cards.

GLOSSARY

341

ROYALTY: 1. Face cards: Jacks, Queens, and Kings . 2. An additional, specifie d amoun t pai d t o th e winne r o f a hand holdin g a natura l han d o f low probability, usually four of a kind or a straight flush. SANDBAGGING: See Chec k and Raise . SEE: Se e Call . SETTE MEZZO: Italia n for 7Vfc , a numbe r Guts game. SEVENS TAKE ALL: A seven-card stud gam e i n which th e best possible hand is a pair of 7s. 7/27: A high/low number gam e i n which poin t values of cards are counted . Th e pot is split by the players whose hands ar e closest to 7 (low) an d 27 (high). SHOES: A two-card gut s game . SHOWING (ak a O n th e Board) : Card s tha t ar e fac e up , used t o determin e betting . A player with th e bes t han d showing open s th e betting . Unde r restrictive bettin g rules, a pair showing often mean s the betting maximum is doubled . SHY: You have no chips in front o f you, so you pull chip s out of the pot and pil e them in front of your hand t o keep track of how muc h yo u ow e th e pot . I f you lose the pot , you give the winner the chips you've piled up in front of you, plus an identica l amount i n cash or new chips. SIDE BET: A small wager mad e awa y from th e mai n po t on th e outcom e o f a game , o r o n which , of th e side betting players has th e best han d i f neither wins the pot ,

342

GLOSSARY

or anything else going on at the table, such a s who will throw up first. SMALL STRAIGHT: Se e Bab y Straight SOIXANTE NEUF (pronounced "swa-za-noof"): That's "69" in French . Dealer s ofte n sa y this when a 6 and a 9 , or vice versa , ar e th e firs t tw o u p card s deal t i n a stu d game. SPADE(S) (ak a Spadula(s)): One of four suits; one o f two black suits. SPIT IN THE OCEAN: A four-card dra w game with a wil d community card an d a maximum two-card draw. SPLIT GAME: Two potential winners will evenly divide the pot. SQUEEZE: 1 . A six-car d stu d gam e wit h a singl e buy / substitution a t the end. 2 . When a player is caught i n a bumping war between a high hand and a low hand and he's stuc k wit h wha t h e believe s i s probabl y a losin g hand, but is willing to be surprised. STAKES: Th e amount of money allowed to be be t at on e time, suc h a s $ 1 limit . Stake s ca n als o refe r t o th e minimum amount of money a player must have with him to lose. STAY: See Call . STRAIGHT: Fiv e consecutivel y numbere d card s o f various suits , i.e. , 5 of clubs, 6 o f hearts, 7 of clubs, 8 of

GLOSSARY

343

diamonds, 9 of spades. An Ace can connect to the end of a 10-J-Q- K sequence o r start off a "small" 2-3-4-5 straight, a straight made up of low cards. A straight beats three of a kind but loses to a flush. STRAIGHT FLUSH: Fiv e consecutively numbere d cards of the sam e suit (7-8-9 - 10-J o f spades). Only five of a kin d (in a wild-card game) beat s a straight flush.

STRAIGHT POKER: Se e Draw . STROLLING: See Walks . STUD (ak a Studerino , Studly): Five- , six- , o r seven-car d games i n which the dealer deals one or two down cards , three or four up cards with a round of betting after each, and, i n six - and seven-car d games , a fina l dow n card , followed b y a fina l roun d o f betting , usually with th e minimum bet doubled n o matter what's showing. SUBSTITUTION: See Replacement. SUCKED IN: When a player has a losing hand but has to stick aroun d t o fin d out . Mos t prevalen t i n wild-card games when a player has four of a kind, but he suspects he's goin g to los e t o a highe r four o f a kind . Se e als o Squeezed. SUICIDE KING: The Kin g of hearts, so named because hi s sword appears to be thrust through his head. Often use d as a wild card. TABLE RULES: See Hous e Rules.

344

GLOSSARY

TABLE STAKES: 1. Whatever the house declares the stakes to be. 2. Stakes limite d to how much money is on the table. TALKS: 1 . Th e bes t han d showin g and , therefore , th e opening bet . I f a playe r get s Ace s o n hi s firs t tw o u p cards i n a stu d game , th e deale r woul d solemnl y announce tha t "Bullets talk." 2. When cards "talk," the best hand i s decided b y all the players, no t just the combat ants, wh o ma y not see th e bes t possibl e combination , especially i n a confusing wild-card game. TELL: Short for "telegraphing," what a player does when he doesn't maintain a poker face. A player will "tell," or unconsciously revea l his hand, by jumping up and down or breaking out in tears, depending on what his last car d was. Som e tell s ar e exceedingly subtle , an d ho w you interpret tell s i s base d o n ho w wel l you kno w ho w a particular playe r reacts to good an d bad cards. 31: A lengthy, gin rummy-based gam e base d o n poin t values and playe d for one large , static pot. THREE OF A KIND (ak a Trips) : Three card s o f th e sam e denomination in one hand; beats two pair and loses to a straight. TRIPS: Three of a kind, as i n Jacks or Better, Trips to Win. TUG BOAT: See Full House. Two (aka Deuce, Duck): When a pair of deuces i s dealt, always sa y "deuces neve r loses," sarcastically implyin g that a pair of twos, the lowes t pair possible, will en d by winning the hand. The most popular wild card .

GLOSSARY

345

Two PAIR: The hand that beats a single pair and loses to three o f a kind . Indicated b y declaring th e highe r pair "over" the lowe r pair; e.g. "Kings over deuces." UP: Cards with their faces exposed. WALK (ak a Strolling) : When a playe r is the onl y one t o declare either high or low, or he doesn't hav e to show his hand t o wi n th e pot . Whe n al l player s drop , th e lon e remaining player "walks." WASH (aka Clean): To shuffle th e deck from the previous hand i n preparation for the next hand. WILD: 1 . A card that can b e used a s any other card. Th e most commo n wil d card s ar e Deuces , One-Eye d Jacks, the Ma n with the Ax, and on e o r both Jokers. 2. A game that involve s wil d cards , disdaine d b y man y pseudo serious players. WILD KINGS: A high/low, five-car d stu d gam e i n which each player chooses an exposed or blind card to build a hand, and King s are wild, but only in high hands . WINTER BASEBALL: Baseball with slightly different rules, played betwee n th e en d o f th e Worl d Serie s an d th e beginning of spring training. WOOUVORTH: Same a s Baseball , except 5 s and 10 s are wild and deuce s get you an extra card.

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INDEX

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A Ace card, 326 betting, 75-76 as lo w card, 95, 103 Ace-high (hand) , 6 Acey-Deucey (game), 31316, 326 Anaconda. See Pas s th e Trash Ante (preliminary) bet, 1315, 32 6 progressive, 189 , 225 Arithmetic (game), 303-304, 326 Art Gallery (hand) ,327

B Baby Straight (hand) , 327 Balls (game), 298-300 , 327 Baseball (game) , 203-207 , 327

Basketball (game) , 205 Bedsprings (game), 276, 327

Bet(s) ante (preliminary) , 13-15 chips used in , 17-1 9 light or shy, 25-26, 336, 341

maximum, 15 minimum, 12-1 3 pair showing required for, 15-17 sandbagging, 27-28 side, 341-42 Betting, 20-34 avoiding, after declares, 97-98 blind, 327 checking, 16 , 76 in draw poker, 223-24 limits, 23 low-stake idiosyncrasies, 26-28 mechanics of , 24-26 raises. See Raises rhythm of, 20-24, 30 setting rules for, 11-13 strategy for, 73-76 typical hand, 28-34

349

350

INDEX

Bitch, The (game), 186-89 , 193,327 Bitch wild card, 91 Black Marian (game), 192 93, 327 Bluff (game) , 32 5 Bluffing i n draw poker, 222, 226-28, 280 Boat. See Ful l house Bookends (game) , 112 , 328 Both high and low hand, 99 103,328 Bounty Guts (game), 28 9 Bourre (game), 316-18, 328 Brick card, 328 Bullpen Poker (game), 206 207

Bump. See Raise s Bundles (game), 273-76 Burn a hand, 328 Burn and Squirm (game), 114,328 Bury, 328 Buy Your Card (game), 11832, 329 basics, 118-2 0 final betting round, 129-30 game rounds, 121-29 strategy, 120-2 1 variations, 130-32 what will win, 121 Buy Your Card/Substitution, 329

c Calling a bet, 25, 329 defining the term, 47-48 Calling a hand, 47-48

Cards, 52-53 ace. See Ace card announcing, 43-46 brick, 328 bury, 328 buy, 329 case, 329 community, 84, 86-87 discard, 332 down, 332 down and dirty , 332 dropping, 72 fishing, 333 hole, 24, 72 jacks, 335 kicker, 6, 226, 335 king, 336 mick (7), 336 queen. See Queen car d royalty, 341 showing, 341 spade, 342 talking, 47-49, 75, 344 terminology of, 78-83 up,345 wild, 90-92, 345 Case card, 329 Chan, Johnny "Orient Express," 280 Chase th e Ace (game), 19 9 Check and Raise , 27-28, 330 Check change, 329 Checking, 16 , 76, 330 Check to the bumper, 330 Chicago (game). See Hig h Chicago Chip(s), 53-54 vs. cash, 17-1 8 styles for splitting, 104 106

INDEX Chip (blind) declare, 98-99 Cincinnati (game), 87, 246 48, 330 Cincinnati Kid, Th e (film) , xi , 22 Cleaning decks, 37, 330 Closed game , 330 Clubs, 331 Community card games , 241-82 Bundles, 273-76 Cincinnati, 246-48 Criss Cross, 248-54 Death Wheel, 277-79 format, 84 , 86-87, 229, 241-46 H (H-Bomb), 266-67 Iron Cross, 254-60 mechanics of , 241-46 Pyramid, 261-65 Red and Black , 268-73 Texas Hold 'Em, 280-82 Control (game) , 184-85 Criss Cross (game) , 248-54 , 331 basics, 248 game rounds, 249-51 strategy/what will win, 249 variations, 251-5 4 Cut the deck , 331

D Dead Man' s Hand, 331 Dealer(s) ante bets from, 14-1 5 deciding on, 34-35 disputes handled by, 4749

351

as game arbiter, 5, 37, 38 40 Dealer Controls, 331 Dealing announcing card s and players, 43-46 calling cards, 43-4 6 mechanics of, 36-40 misdeals, 40, 337 styles of, 40-42 Death Wheel (game) , 277 79,331 Deck(s) cleaning/washing/shuffling, 36-37, 330, 345 cutting, 331 Declaring hands, 96-99, 190 , 286-87, 332 Derelict poker, 332 Deuces, 91,34 4 Diamonds, 332 Discard (s), 332 Disputes, 47-49 Double Guts (game) , 288 Down and Dirt y card, 332 Do Ya (game), 142-55 basics, 142 game rounds, 143-54 strategy, 14 3 variations, 155 , Draw games, 222-40 , 33 2 basic play, 223-25 Five and Two , 237-40 format, 84 , 86 High/Low, 233-36 Spit in the Ocean, 229-3 2 strategy, 225-28 variations, 228-29 Drop a hand,332 Dressed pot , 332 Duck. See Bury

352

INDEX

F Face card. See Royalt y cards Fiery Cross (game), 252 Fifty-Five (game) , 247 Fishing, 333 Five and Tw o (game), 237 40 Five-card stu d games , 99, 111-71 Buy Your Card/Substitution, 118-32,32 9 Do Ya, 142-55 High/Low with a Buy, 11214 Lowboy, 114-18 Non-Showdown, 11 2 Pass the Trash, 163-7 1 Push, 155-6 3 Showdown, 11 2 Wild Kings/Rovin g Kings, 132-42 Five of a kind (hand), 9 Flush (hand), 8,33 3 Fold. See Drop a hand Follow the Jack (game) , 19 9 Follow the Queen (game) , 195-99, 333 Football (game), 205 Forced openers , 27 Formats of poker, 84-89 community cards, 84, 8687, 241-82 draw, .84, 86,222-40 guts, 84, 88-89, 283-300 stud, 84, 85, 111-22 1 Four of a kind, 9 Free Ride, 333 French Tickler (game), 316 Full house (hand), 8-9, 33 3

G Guts games, 283-300,333 Balls, 298-300 Bounty Guts, 289 Double Guts, 288 format, 84, 88-89 Indian, 289-93 Monte Carlo, 294 Number Guts, 302 sample round, 285-89 Shoes, 297-98 Two-Card Guts, 284 Two Plus One, 294-97 Guts to open in draw poker, 223-24

H Hand(s),333 ace-high, 6, 7 Art Gallery, 327 burning, 328 called vs. best, 47-48 Dead Man's , 331 drop a, 332 five o f a kind, 8 flush, 8 four of a kind, 9 full house , 8- 9 highball, 334 low, 94-96 opening, 223-25, 338 pair, 7 pat, 338 progressive, 22 5 sequence of winning, 6 straight, 8 straight flush, 9

INDEX strategy fo r betting, 72-76 terminology of , 78-83 three of a kind, 8, 344 two pair, 7-8, 345 typical seven-card stud , 28-34 Hearts, 333 Hellmuth, Phil, 280 Henderson, Frank , 280 H/H-Bomb (game), 266-6 7 Highball, 334 High Chicago (game) , 174 , 189-91, 192 , 193,330 High/Low (game), 233-36 High/low games, 93-96 , 99 103 Black Mariah, 192-9 3 Bundles, 273-76 Buy Your Card/Substitution, 118-3 2 Death Wheel, 277-79 declaring in , 96-99 DoYa, 15 5 Five and Two , 237-40 H/H-Bomb, 226-67 High Chicago , 174 , 189 91 High/Low draw, 233-3 6 High/Low with a Buy, 11214 Iron Cross, 254-6 0 Lowboy, 114-1 8 Low Hole, 200-203 Murder, 193-9 4 Push, 155-6 3 Pyramid, 261-65 Red and Black , 268-73 Seven-Card Stud variation, 174-75 strategy tips, 102 Texas Hold 'Em, 280-82

353

Wild Kings/Rovin g Kings, 132-42 High/Low with a Buy (game), 112-14 High Q (game), 27 9 Hockey (game) , 205 Hold 'E m (game) , 334. See also Omah a Hold 'Em; Texas Hold 'Em Hole cards, 24, 72, 334 wild, 142 Honest, 334 Hook, 334 Hosting poker games , 50-56 cards, 52 chips, 53-54 cleanup, 5 6 day and time, 55-56 food and equipment, 54-55 location, 50-5 1 music and TV , 51-52 table and chairs , 52 House rules , 23, 334

I Indian (game) , 289-93 , 33435 basics, 289-90 game rounds , 292-93 strategy, 290-91 what will win, 291 Inside Straight, 335 Iron Cross (game) , 254-60, 335 basics, 254-55 game rounds, 257-5 9 strategy, 255-5 6 variations, 259-61 what will win, 256-57

354

INDEX

J Jack card, 335 Jacks or Better betting criteria, 224-25, 33 5 Joker wild card, 92

K Kangaroo Straight (hand), 335 Kicker card, 6, 226, 335 King card, 336 Kitty. See Pot(s )

L Lady, The (game), 195-99, 336 Light or shy bets, 25-26, 336, 341

Loo (game), 316 Lowball (game), 114-18,33 6 Lowboy (game), 114-18,33 6 Low Chicago (game), 190 Low hand,336 Low Hole (game), 220-203 , 336 Low Hole Cincinnati (game), 247

M Major Leagu e Baseball (game), 204-20 5 Man with the Ax (wild card/ game), 91,336

Matching the pot, 40, 336 Mick (7 ) card, 337 Mickey Mantle, 174,33 7 Misdeals, 40, 337 Monte Carlo (game), 294 Murder (game), 193-94, 337 Mustached King s wild cards , 91

N Night Baseball (game), 207, 215-20 Non-poker. See Pseudopoker games Non-Showdown Five-Card Stud (game), 11 2 No Peek (game), 208-15 basics, 208-20 9 game hands, 210-15 strategy, 209-10 variations, 210 Number Guts (game), 302 Numerical poker games, 201-308 Arithmetic, 303-304 Number Guts, 302 Sette Mezzo, 306-308 7/27, 304-306

o Odd Couple, The (film), xxi, 57 Omaha Hold 'E m (game), 282 One-eyed Jacks wild cards, 91,337

INDEX On the Board. See Showing cards Opening, 24,337, 338 in draw poker, 223-25 forced, 27 Outside straight (hand), 338

p Pair (hand), 7 Pair showing required for betting, 15-1 7 Parlett, David, 316 Pass, 338 Pass the Trash (game), 163 71,338 basics, 16 4 game rounds, 166-70 strategy, 164-6 5 variations, 170-7 1 what will win, 165 Pat hand, 338 Pig, 99-103,328. See a/s o Both high and lo w hand Pile Driver (game), 311-12, 338 Piles splitting style, 105-106 Player(s), 57-65 group dynamics and, 57 60 personalities of , 60-65 telling or telegraphing, 344 Poker game(s), 107-109 . See also Community card games; Draw games; Five-card stud games ; Guts games; Numeri cal poker parties; Pseudo-poker games ;

355

Seven-card stu d games behavioral, 66-7 1 betting. See Bettin g dealers. See Dealer(s) ; Dealing formats, 84-89 handling disputes, 47-49 hosting, 50-56 language and terminology of, 77-83 . See also Glossary, 325-45 player group dynamics, 57-65 practice of, 1- 3 primer on, 5-10 splitting pots in, 93-106 stakes. See Stake s strategy, 72-76, 102 wild-card. See Wild-card games Poker face, 338 Pot(s), 338-39 buy, 329 dressed, 332 limits, 23, 339 matching, 40,336 sharing, i n split games, 93-106 Presidents, 339 Progression, 189 , 225, 339 Pseudo-poker games , 309-2 1 Acey-Deucey, 313-16 Bourre, 316-18 Pile Driver, 311-12 31,318-21 Ting-a-Ling, 310-11 Push (game), 155-63 basics, 15 5 game rounds, 156-6 2 strategy, 155-56 variations, 162-6 3

356

INDEX

Pyramid (game) , xvi-xvii, 261-65, 339

Q Quatro, 339 Queen card , 339 in Bitch, 186-89 in Follo w the Queen , 195 99 Quorum, 339-40

R Raises, 27-28 bumping, 63, 74, 328 limiting number of , 25, 29 sandbagging, 27-28 Red and Blac k (game), 268 73, 340 basics, 268-69 betting strategy, 269 game hands , 270-7 1 variations, 272-73 what will win, 270 Replacement, 340 Rock, 340 Roll Your Own (game), 17584,340 basics, 175-7 6 game rounds , 178-84 strategy, 176-7 7 what will win, 177-78 Roving Kings. See Wild Kings Royal flus h (hand) , 9 , 340 Royalty cards, 341

s Sandbagging, 27-28 , 330 San Francisco (game), 191 Sequential declare, 97 Sette Mezzo (game), 306 308, 341 Seven-card stu d games, xix, 10,24,172-221 Baseball, 203-207 Bitch, 186-89 Black Mariah, 192-93 Control, 184-85 Follow the Queen/The Lady, 195-99 High Chicago, 174 , 189-91 Low Hole, 200-203 Murder, 193-94 Night Baseball, 207,21520 No Peek, 208-15 Pass the Trash, 170-7 1 Roll Your Own, 175-84 Sevens Tak e All, 194-95 standard, 17 3 typical hand, 28-34 variations, 173-75 , 220-21 Sevens Take All (game), 19495, 341 7/27 (game), 304-306,34 1 Shoes (game), 297-98, 341 Showdown Five-Car d Stud (game), 11 2 Showing cards, 341 Shuffling decks , 37 Side bets, 341 Six-card variations, 220-2 1 Slider splitting style, 105 Soixante-neuf, 342

INDEX Spade cards, 342 Spit games, 92, 229 Spit in the Ocean (game), 229-32, 342 Split games, 93-106,342 high/low games, 93-103 style of splitting pot in , 104-106 other variations, 103-104 Squeeze, 342 Stakes, 11-17, 342. See also Bet(s) chips vs. cash used as, 17 19 identifying, 11-1 3 low-stakes idiosyncrasies , 26-28 low-stakes vs. high-stakes games, 322-23 need for , 30 sharing, i n split games, 93-106 table, 344 Star Trek: The Next Generation (TV show), 5 Stone, Gene, 163 Straight (hand), 8 , 342-43 inside, 335 kangaroo, 335 outside, 338 Straight flus h (hand) , 9 , 342 Strategy, 72-76. See also names of individual games in draw poker, 225-28 in high/low games, 102 103 Stud format, 84, 85, 343. Se e also Five-card stud

357

games; Seven-car d stud games Substitution. See Replacement Substitution (game), 130-32, 329 Sucked In,343 Suicide King wild card, 91,343

T Table rules. See House rules Table stakes, 344 Take five splitting style, 104105 Talk, letting the cards, 47-49, 75, 344 Tell or telegraph, 344 Texas Hold 'E m (game), 280 82 31 (game), 318-21,34 4 Three of a kind (hand), 8, 344 Three-raise rule, 29 Ting-a-Ling (game), 310-11 Treys wild cards, 91 Trips to Win, 224-25,344 Two (deuces), 344 Two-Card Guts (game), 284 2 Hands 2 Win (game), 228 29 Two pair (hand), 7-8,345 Two Plus One (game), 294 97

u Up and Dow n the Rive r (game), 276 Up cards, 34 5

358

INDEX

W Walking declares, high/lows , 97, 345 Washing decks, 37, 345 Wild card, 345 Wild-card games, 90-92 five-of-a-kind hand s in, 9 handling disputes in, 4749

Wild King s (game), 132-42 , 345 basics, 132-3 3 game rounds, 134-4 2 strategy, 133-3 4 Winter Baseball (game), 205, 345 Winter Bullpen Poker (game), 206 Woolworth (game), 205, 345 World Series of Poker tournament, 280

Stewart Wolpin, a former sportswriter fo r the Newark (N.J.) Star-ledger, write s about business , sports, an d electronics fo r a variety of national magazines and newsletters. Ever)' other Thursday, he hosts a longrunning poker game in his very small Manhattan apartment .