Strawberries and the Beast

Copyright

Published by Dreamspinner Press 382 NE 191st Street #88329 Miami, FL 33179-3899, USA http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author‟s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Strawberries and the Beast Copyright © 2011 by April Moone Cover Art by Anne Cain [email protected] Cover Design by Mara McKennen All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press, 382 NE 191st Street #88329, Miami, FL 33179-3899, USA http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ ISBN: 978-1-61372-174-2 Printed in the United States of America First Edition October 2011 eBook edition available eBook ISBN: 978-1-61372-175-9

All the world‟s a stage. And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances. —William Shakespeare

Honorifics: -sama: -senpai: -san: -kun: -chan: No honorific:

highest level of respect. used for senior colleagues, also as a title typical honorific, used most widely personal, used for males very personal, reserved for loved ones, primarily female very intimate, reserved for family and very close friends; considered highly disrespectful when intimacy is not earned

Words: Anō sa (Ah-noo sah) bakayarou (bah-kah-ya-roo) desu (dess) fusuma (foo-sue-mah) gaijin (guy-jen) genkan (gen-kahn) hai (hi) Ja na (jah nah) kore wa (core-ay wah) kotatsu (koh-tat-sue) Naruhodo (nah-rue-hoe-doe) ne (nay) neko-chan (neck-o-chan) onee-chan (o-nay-chan) onii-chan (o-knee-chan) obā-san/bā-san (oh-bah-san) sensei (sen-say) shoji (she-oy) subarashii (sue-bar-ah-she)

Copula for getting one‟s attention idiot polite copula long panel used to separate rooms foreigner entry foyer with raised ledge yes see you/later this low dining table with heater and skirt I see/I understand Hey (at beginning of sentence) right? (at end of sentence) kitty sister brother grandmother teachers, doctors, masters of a profession wood and paper screen used as a door wonderful, excellent

yare yare (ya-are-ay)

well well, oh my

TASTES like strawberries. My strawberries. That‟s what I was thinking when he kissed me. I still don‟t know exactly how it happened. I don‟t know how I ended up between a wall and Keigo. I figured that the stray I‟d picked up was in heat again. Lunch was the same as it had been every day since the semester had started. I always ate on the roof of building two, alone. It had a nice view and no one had known about it. It was my quiet place. A place no one would bother me, get in my hair, or try to rough me up. And then he showed up. Akatsuki Keigo. About a month ago, the stray just appeared and announced rather boldly, and loudly, that he was going to eat lunch with me. I didn‟t kick his ass off the roof because I wasn‟t really annoyed. That, and his face was just too pretty to mess up. I shrugged and told him to do whatever he wanted, just to leave me the fuck alone. He still bothered me, talking all the damn time, but he wasn‟t as annoying as I thought he‟d be—as I wanted him to be. He was actually pretty cool, but don‟t quote me. So how did our relationship go from “leave me the fuck alone” to kissing? Well, it was rather clever of him, now that I think on it. We were having this fucking stupid conversation about which was better, movies or books—I mean, it‟s books. Seriously. So anyway, when I got annoyed, I had decided to eat my lunch. Even though I was annoyed with him, I offered him one of my strawberries, a fresh batch I had just gotten. He took the red berry cheerily and then ate it slowly, as if savoring every chew, eyes fixed on me the whole time. When he was done he gave his lips a long, slow lick. I must have licked my own lips, imagining the flavor of strawberry on them,

HE

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because he leaned toward me and brushed a thumb over my bottom lip. “That was delicious,” he said. He licked his lips again hungrily and leaned closer. I could taste the strawberry on his breath. “But I‟d rather eat you.” “What?” I had asked, surprised, unsure of his meaning. Then I remembered—how could I forget?—the guy‟s bisexual. He made it clear from the beginning that he liked to fuck women and men, and that he thought I was cute. I wasn‟t into men in the least, but frankly the idea of others being gay or bisexual didn‟t even bother me. My thought was, if you loved the person, who gave a shit if they were the same or opposite sex. Despite my indifference, I didn‟t want to be labeled as one of them. I had enough guys on my ass, I didn‟t need them literally in my ass. Even with my own hang-ups—not minding gays, but not wanting to be one—I guess it was my own significantly smaller whimsical side that answered his request with my standard shrug and, “Whatever, do what you want.” So he did. He wasn‟t bad, as far as kissing goes. His lips were gentler than I imagined they would be. But I think that was to make up for his rough hands as they groped at my chest and shoulders. Even as I was letting him kiss me, rolling his tongue over mine, sucking at my bottom lip, I wondered why I didn‟t slug him or knee him in the nuts for even thinking about making a move on me. Maybe I was curious. Yeah, that must be it, the privilege of youth. “Hey,” I mumbled around strawberry kisses, “don‟t get the wrong idea, man.” He stopped sucking at my bottom lip long enough to look into my eyes. “What do you mean, Masaki-kun?” “I‟m no homo.” His entire face lit up with a huge grin. “No, of course not. You‟re not like me, the fag that‟ll sleep with anyone.” “Yeah, don‟t forget it,” I muttered as he lowered his lips to mine again. I don‟t know why I was still kissing him, only that he was so warm and delicious. He didn‟t feel or taste anything like Yuki. I felt a little guilty, kissing this guy when I had a girl. But my curiosity won 8

out in the end. Or maybe it was horniness. Yeah, I‟m going with the epic case of blue-balls syndrome I‟d been cursed with for the past four months. Speaking of balls…. “Whoa, hey, what‟re you doing?” I grabbed Keigo‟s hands away from my belt. His lips moved down my chin and slipped to my neck. It felt so good that I shut my eyes to savor the moment. I was faintly aware that my shirt was open and he was nipping at my chest. I had to get a grip on the situation. “Hey, come on man….” “I want….” Nibble, nibble. “To see….” Nibble lower. “…your cock.” I wasn‟t as shocked as I thought I should have been. I mean, I knew he liked dick. And while that didn‟t interest me, I wondered what harm there was in letting him get me off. Besides, it wasn‟t like Yuki was going to touch me any time soon. Keigo was pulling at my belt again. I looked down, thinking that I liked the look of him grinning up at me from his knees. Though it was the first time I‟d had a man in the position. I harrumphed. “You really do whatever you want, don‟t you?” “Yep,” he mumbled against my abdomen. “Best way to live life.” I thought that it must be nice to live like that—carefree, albeit a bit selfish. Keigo opened my pants and reached inside until he found me. “Oooh,” he said with slyness to his voice. “You‟re already hard. Are you that hot for me?” I sighed and rested my head back against the wall he had me pinned to. “Don‟t be fucking stupid Akatsuki-san.” “I told you to call me by my given name already.” I grumbled an annoyed acceptance, though I had no intention of calling his name, and opened my eyes as I had another thought. “People can see us here.” He smiled and moved his hand around inside my boxers until he had an ass cheek in each palm. His hands were so hot against my naked skin, and then my boxers were being pulled down. “No one can see us here unless they are in that classroom.” He nodded toward a set

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of windows almost out of view from our spot. “And there‟s no class in there right now. Besides, no one can see me on my knees.” He gave my ass a quick pinch and, before I could complain, he swallowed my dick. “Ahh,” I moaned aloud, not meaning to. My hands went to his hair, buried deep so that his hair tie fell out, releasing all of his long, dark hair. I was surprised at how soft his hair felt in my fingers, like silk. “Ah… Akatsuki-san, you really are a homo. You‟re good at sucking dick.” He chuckled. His mouth felt even hotter than before. A mouth that tasted like strawberries. I smiled at the thought that my dick now tasted like strawberry. And I was content to let him finish sucking me off. He was good. Real good. Savoring, but loving. Strong, but tender. He had a good balance between pleasure and pressure. But then, he did something that brought it all to a rude end. “Whoa!” I yelped, shoving him away from me. “What the shit do you think you‟re doing, man?” I knew what he was trying to do and I didn‟t like it. He was trying to put his fingers in my ass. No one had ever touched me there before. Thankfully, he didn‟t get very far. He grinned, licking his lips hungrily. “I was thinking about fucking you.” I pulled my underwear and pants up, nearly catching myself in the rush. “No goddamned way,” I grumbled as I buttoned my top. “Aw, come on, Masaki-kun.” He stood and touched my face. His stance and words were coaxing, but his eyes looked worried. “I‟m really very good, and I can be gentle.” I slapped his hand away, grabbed my bag, and turned my back on him. “Go fuck yourself, Akatsuki.”

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OH MY God, what did I do? That‟s what I was thinking as I watched Masaki disappear down the steps. It wasn‟t until he disappeared from sight completely that I sank against the side of the building with a sigh. I had never intended to go so far, but once I had kissed him, I couldn‟t stop. I felt like some other being, a person much braver and more outspoken than the real me, took over and made me do those things. I had wanted to be with Masaki so badly. Our relationship, since it began about a month ago, had been like this every day. I teased, he got pissy, and we both laughed over it. Masaki may not have actually laughed, but I could see it in his eyes, in his relaxed stance. He was the most nonchalant person I knew, so laid back. I wished I could be like him. He was also a lot nicer than he wanted everyone to believe. I think I was his only friend too, which made me feel all that more special. I wanted to be special to Masaki. We had Literature together. That‟s when I first noticed Uchida Masaki. Sometime during the first month of class, Masaki came shambling in late, hiding behind a pair of dark sunglasses and a mop of wild blond hair. Despite looking liken to a beaten dog, I was struck by how handsome he was. Sensei told him to take off the shades, which had been hiding a black eye underneath, nice and purple. My interest was piqued in that moment. Over the next weeks, I found out more about the beaten dog. Masaki was a loner, everyone said, always on his own. And yet, he seemed to find more trouble than not. He was always in fights, but for what I couldn‟t really figure out. Some said it was because he was rude and crass, saying whatever he wanted—which was true enough, the guy had the mouth of a drunken sailor. Others said it was because

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he was a bastard child, left by his father and then mother. That nobody wanted him, so he lashed out. More than that, those rumors, I didn‟t know anything about Masaki except that he kept to himself when possible, was rude when bothered, and completely interesting. He missed class often. The days he did show up, he looked tired and sometimes had a fresh wound or bruise. He never smiled and always looked defeated, as if the world was against him and he was losing. Badly. A couple of months into the semester, my interest had only increased. I wanted to know him, but wasn‟t sure how to go about it. I knew just walking up to him and trying to talk would get me nowhere—hit, if I was unlucky. Then I discovered my in. Masaki wasn‟t in class the day before, or the one before that. I had to stop by early to ask sensei a question, but he wasn‟t in yet. By chance, I happened to walk to just the right spot in the back of the classroom and looked out the window. I saw Masaki sitting on the roof of the next building, eating and reading a book. The next day I decided to have my lunch there, and I got lucky. I mounted the top step and stopped, smiling. “Yare yare, if it isn‟t Masaki-kun.” He looked up from the book he was reading and frowned. “Who the fuck are you?” There was no recognition in his eyes—guess you have to attend class to recognize your classmates. It took every ounce of willpower in me to not turn tail and run away then. I may have been acting cool, but inside, I knew I was just a big fucking wimp. I wasn‟t the person I wanted to be. Still forcing my grin, I answered, “Akatsuki Keigo. Kei as in the character for „compete‟ and go as in „protector‟. I insist you call me Keigo.” He eyed me for a moment, considering. “You here to try and beat me up, Akatsuki-san? ‟Cause frankly, you look kinda weak. Besides, your face is too pretty to fuck up with my big fists.” I should have been insulted, but I didn‟t want to get off on the wrong foot with the guy. I had to tread lightly with him, treat him gently, and take things as they came. I had to be a more carefree and less reckless me. I laughed. “No, not at all.”

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“Yeah? What the fuck you want, then?” I sighed, trying not to lose my smile. “Nothing, just here to eat.” Masaki closed his book, shoved it into his pack, and came back with a bag of salty edamame. “That right?” He shrugged, popping the entire pod into his mouth. “Do whatever you want. Just don‟t fucking bother me, ‟kay, man?” I nodded and sat next to Masaki, pulling out my own lunch, a bento I had prepared the night before. And there we sat, in comfortable silence, for the rest of the afternoon. Words weren‟t needed between us. We barely knew each other‟s names and yet, we had a connection. I knew then that we‟d be instant friends. Every day for the next week we had lunch together. Masaki didn‟t say much, as usual, but he let me talk and didn‟t seem annoyed. I had made a new friend, and despite knowing nothing about him, I was happy. I felt at peace when I was with Masaki. I felt comfortable. I was at home with Masaki like I hadn‟t been with anyone. Then, one day two weeks after my bold introduction, I felt a sort of sudden apprehension as I went to our secret spot. I couldn‟t explain it, only that something felt… off. I was halfway up the steps to the roof when I saw it. Blood, leading up. When I saw the source, I gasped, dropping my things to tumble back down the steps as I ran up two at a time. “Masaki? Masaki!” He was facedown on the top step, an arm and leg hanging over. Fresh blood rolled off his fingers, spotting the concrete all around him. “Oh my God, what happened? Masaki, talk to me.” I carefully rolled him over and he moaned, blood and spit dribbling out of the corner of his mouth. I let out a long breath, relieved to know he was at least alive. A new bruise was blossoming on his right cheek, the eye already swollen shut. I examined the hand that was bleeding and saw that it was only his knuckles split open. He had been in a fight. I clutched him to my chest, feeling his own move up and down as he breathed deeply. “Dammit, Masaki. Why?” He moaned something against me and I sat up. “What? What‟d you say?”

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He heaved in a deep breath and let it out slowly. I had to lower my ear to his lips just to hear him. “Sleepy….” He licked his lips loudly. “Let me sleep.” I let out a short breath, almost a laugh, and lifted him into my arms as I found my feet. He was heavier than I thought and I almost dropped him. When I found my center of balance, I rushed off to the infirmary. “Oh my!” sensei exclaimed when I stumbled in through the door, sweating and exhausted. Carrying Masaki so far had nearly done me in, but I had to save him. She shot to her feet and came to us. “What happened?” I didn‟t want to get Masaki in trouble for fighting so I said, “I don‟t know. I found him like this.” Sensei clucked disapprovingly and ushered me to a bed. “What‟s his name?” “Uchida Masaki.” “I see,” she muttered, scowling. To me it seemed like she knew the name. I guess he was famous for fighting. When I got him down on the bed, I saw that the knees of his pants were spotted in blood too, like he had fallen hard. Sensei saw me frowning and shooed me out of the way. “Uchida-san,” she said in her soft voice, “can you hear me? You‟re in the school infirmary.” There was no response, not even a moan as she took his vitals, checked his heart and eyes. All I could do was stand watch. I felt so helpless. “Well, he seems okay. His heart rate is good. But he took a good knock to his head here.” She brushed back his hair to show a big red knot with a gash. “He might have a concussion. He should be awake. Here,” she said standing. “I‟ll get supplies to clean his wounds, you try to wake him.” I sat down next to Masaki on the bed. Still, he didn‟t stir. I leaned in close enough to smell the sweet tang of his blood. I felt instantly sick. “Masaki,” I whispered against his face. “Masaki, can you hear me?”

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I smoothed back his hair from his forehead, exposing that nasty wound. The moment my fingers touched his hot skin, he moaned, wiggling softly under my hand. I smoothed my palm over the unhurt side of his forehead, pushing his hair back. His good eye trembled, and then there was a crack of dark brown showing. “Hey,” I said softly, very aware that I was close enough to kiss him. “You okay?” Masaki moaned again and licked his lips. “Thought I told you I wanted to fucking sleep.” After a shocked moment, I laughed. “Sure, you sleep for a bit, but I have to wake you again.” I smoothed back his hair again. “Sensei thinks you may have a concussion.” He mumbled something that sounded faintly like, “For fuck‟s sake,” and closed his eye again. Sensei appeared and silently tended to his wounds. When she was done cleaning and bandaging him, she stood and looked him over. “What‟s wrong?” I mumbled from my spot watching fretfully in the corner. She blushed and looked at me. “His pants… if we wash them now we could save them.” I was confused for a moment and then realized she was embarrassed to take off his pants. I chuckled. “Okay, sure. I‟ll take them off if you‟d like.” “Thanks,” she answered and pulled the curtain shut. Alone with Masaki in our curtain of white, I reached for his pants. He remained motionless under my hands as I unbuttoned his fly. It wasn‟t until I lifted his hips that he moaned. I stopped and looked up. He was still sleeping peacefully, his lips slightly parted. His chest moved up and down slowly, but steadily. I took in a deep breath and went back to wiggling Masaki out of his pants. I couldn‟t help but notice the patch of pale hair leading into his underpants. I felt a little ashamed for noticing, like I was some sort of pervert. When I had his pants off, I pulled the sheet up to his waist and opened the curtain enough to see sensei at her desk, writing furiously at an intake form. I held out the soiled pants. “Here.”

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She smiled, blushing lightly, and took the pants. “I‟ll be back in a bit. Can you stay with him?” “Of course.” She smiled, touched my arm and said, “Thanks. You‟re a good friend.” Her cheeks flushed again and I saw the look she was trying to hide. She thought I was cute. I watched her go, contemplating her words. Friend…. I smiled and went back to Masaki, pulling the curtain shut again in case someone decided to come in. After pacing for a minute, chewing on my lip, I sat on the bed, against his hip. “Masaki?” Nothing. I sighed and looked him over. Even beaten, he looked so strong. It was hard to imagine what could have happened. I had always heard he won all of his fights; he was a real beast when it came to his fists. And he never cheated or used dirty tricks. “Oh, Masaki.” I sighed and rested my head on his chest so that I was looking at his feet. Under my cheek, his chest moved up and down. His heart pounded, strong and steady. I wanted to think it beat for me, but I was sure Masaki didn‟t even know I was here. I don‟t think he knew who I was when I picked him up earlier. Staring down the length of his body, I got a sudden, wicked idea. I don‟t know what possessed me, but I slipped my hand under the sheet and my thumb into the waistband of his boxer shorts. I only got a quick peek, but it was enough. “Oh my,” I gasped and took my hand back. Two things surprised me. One, what made Masaki a man was big. Considering he wasn‟t even hard, I was impressed—he was well over Japanese norm. But the more surprising thing I discovered was that Masaki was a natural blond. That made number two—Masaki wasn‟t 100% Japanese. “Yare yare, Masaki-kun is full of surprises.” “Akatsuki?” I flinched and looked up. His eyes were both shut, but he was awake. I suddenly blushed, wondering if I was caught. “I‟m here.” “What….” He licked his lips and winced. “What‟s….” “It‟s fine, take it easy. Do you want something to drink?”

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He grumbled an annoyed noise and moved against the bed. “Fuck.” Seeing that he was insistent on sitting up, I helped him. His good eye opened, the other struggling to do the same. My chest hurt, seeing him seem so weak and vulnerable. I sat back, out of his personal space. “Do you know who did this to you?” “Those fuckers… jumped me from behind.” He sighed and rested his head back, shutting his eyes. “I would have taken them if they hadn‟t played dirty. Bastards.” “Who was it?” “Don‟t matter.” I frowned hard. “Of course it does.” He chuckled—tried to chuckle, but ended up wincing. “What you going to do then, huh? Hunt them down?” He chuckled again, this time without the wince. “Might mess up that pretty face of yours.” I was glad his eyes were shut so he didn‟t see the look on my face. I knew I wore my emotions out there for anyone. And at that moment what I was feeling was something he wouldn‟t want to see. Damn. I‟m starting to like Masaki, really like him. “Fine,” I grumbled, ignoring my feelings. “I was just trying to help.” His eyes opened then, both of them, though the swollen one was only a crack. I tensed, feeling the coldness in his stare. “It was your fault I was jumped.” “Me?” He sighed heavily and shut his eyes again, like it was a chore to keep them open. “Yeah. They thought I was your boyfriend. Called me a homo.” I laughed. “That‟s absurd.” Not only was it absurd, but shocking. Usually anyone I talked to, or slept with, ended up becoming an outcast. Masaki was my only friend for a reason. I had a bad rep, but not because I was a bad person. It was because I was too close to senpai. Everyone was afraid of his wrath. I fear his wrath. “Yep,” Masaki muttered. “Told them as much. Still got the jump on me. Fought dirty too. Fuckers. I‟ll get them.”

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I reached out to touch his arm. Masaki flinched and looked to me and then my hand. I snatched it away. “Sorry.” He might have thought it was because I touched him. But really, I was sorry that I got him hurt. I stayed with Masaki the rest of the afternoon. When he said he wanted to go home, I was reluctant, but sensei gave him the go-ahead. I tried to go with him, worried, but he wouldn‟t let me. Taking on his stubbornness, I followed him anyway, all the way home. I couldn‟t live with myself if something happened to him. When we got to his place, I tried to talk him into letting me stay for a bit and watch him. He wouldn‟t even let me inside. I wondered if he had something he was trying to hide. Regardless, I was worried. “Come on, Masaki-kun. Sensei said it was okay for you to go home only if you had someone to wake you every hour. Otherwise, you‟re going to the hospital.” He scoffed, leaning against his apartment door like he was too tired to stand anymore. “Anyone ever tell you you‟re a pain in the fucking ass?” I grinned hard. “Yeah.” “I mean,” he continued, “you‟re like a stray cat that followed me home and just won‟t go away. Honestly, how do I get rid of you?” I smiled to myself, thinking it was funny that he called me a stray cat when I thought of him as my lone wolf. Guess we were both beasts in our own right. “Sorry, no way to get rid of me, Masaki-kun.” “Fine. I‟ll call my girlfriend and have her wake me up every hour. Happy?” It took everything in me not to frown. He has a girl? When did that happen? Damn. Don‟t be stupid, like he would ever be interested in me anyway. “Ah, yeah. Sure.” He considered me long and hard. His swollen eye looked better and he could open it a bit more, but it was still gross. “Right. Whatever. See you.” I frowned and turned away, heading back down the steps. I was almost to the bottom when I heard Masaki call out, “And thanks, Akatsuki.”

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He wouldn‟t want me to acknowledge him, so I didn‟t. I smiled and kept walking. When we saw each other again the following Monday, neither one of us said anything about the incident. Masaki‟s eye was fully functioning and the knot on his forehead was hidden behind his hair. Besides a big bruise on his cheek and the bandages on his knuckles, he looked okay. Life returned to normal. Over the next few weeks we had lunch together almost every day. The subject of the incident was never brought up again. Masaki seemed more and more relaxed around me every day, and I even managed to get him into a setting outside of school a few times. He was really an easygoing guy. He just didn‟t want to be bothered with bullies and bullshit. Anyone can relate to that. When we did hang out, drank together, Masaki was quiet. He never had much of anything to say, and when he did it was usually accompanied by a four-letter word. Still, I had managed to develop a healthy crush on the lone wolf. His bad attitude didn‟t scare me away like he intended. I saw him for the good guy he really was. I wanted to keep him, tame the beast and make him mine. I liked the way I felt when I was with Masaki. I was a different person when I was with him. I did and said things that the real me would never think to do. I was the person I thought I‟d be if senpai hadn‟t been in my life so many years before. He made me weak and soft, a coward. I was tired of being that man. I wanted to be more, have more. I deserved more. “That‟s right,” I mumbled to myself, “I deserve Masaki.”

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“WHO the fuck does that Akatsuki think he is?” I grumbled aloud. “I was thinking about fucking you, he says. What the fuck do I look like, a woman? If anything, he‟s the one with the girly face. He should be the woman.” As I was contemplating why I even thought he‟d be the woman or that I might fuck him, a familiar voice called out to me. I turned, forcing a weak smile. “Yo.” “Yo?” Yuki repeated, smiling. She was always smiling. Kinda pissed me off. “What kind of greeting is that?” She giggled and grabbed my arm, pulling it between her breasts. Yuki knew I liked her big breasts, so she was always rubbing them on me. But no matter how hard I charmed her, sweet-talked, she wouldn‟t let me touch them, much less put out. I was nearly at my limits with her. I liked her enough, but I couldn‟t see where the relationship was going, especially without sex. And she was the one who came to me, confessing her interest. I only said yes back then because I thought she was cute. And I liked her rack. “Ne.” She tugged on my arm. “What‟s wrong? You look upset.” I shrugged and pulled her along with me as I started to walk back toward building two. “Nothing, just this guy Akatsuki. We had lunch and he was being annoying, that‟s all.” Yuki gasped and I looked down, seeing her eyes wide with surprise. “You can‟t mean Akatsuki Keigo?” “Yeah?” I mumbled, eyeing her. “But he‟s….” She blushed and I stopped to face her, wanting to hear what she said. “He‟s….” She leaned close, giving me a good view down her blouse, and lowered her voice. “One of those.”

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I had to fight hard to suppress a grin. I knew what the rumors said. Keigo had said it himself. I just wanted to see Yuki squirm. She was so uncomfortable with sexuality. “One of what?” She bit into her lip, wringing her hands together. “You know….” She lowered her voice even more so that I almost didn‟t hear her whisper, “Gays.” I burst into laughter. She was blushing the color of a strawberry. “Yeah, I know.” She grabbed my arm hard enough to make me stop and look at her again. “You also know then that he sleeps with everyone?” “Yeah,” I muttered, “I heard that about him too.” I wasn‟t sure I believed the rumor since I‟d never actually seen him with anyone, boy or girl. He was always hanging around me, the stray that he was, like I was his only friend. “You should leave him alone. He‟s only trouble, Masaki-kun.” I was a little surprised. Yuki wasn‟t the most up-front and outspoken person, but there was something about Keigo that bothered her. She genuinely wanted me to stay away from him. That made me curious. “Do you know him?” She gasped and looked up. I knew I was right. “Uh… yeah. I mean, not really. He knows my brother.” “I see.” I wanted to press it further but Yuki was more likely to clam up than break. Plus, I figured I could just ask Keigo later and he‟d tell me. Not that I believed a word that came out of his mouth. Guess I didn‟t really care. “Come on, we‟re going to be late for class.” She smiled, her mood instantly turning back to annoyingly perky. “‟Kay!” Yuki fell into silence next to me as we walked toward her afternoon class. She seemed fidgety, nervous the whole time. I could tell something was bothering her. Sure enough, just as we stepped inside the building she asked, “But why were you with him, Masakikun?” I shrugged. “I don‟t know. He just showed up one day, like a stray cat, and just kinda… stayed.” I lowered my voice and muttered, “I didn‟t even feed him.” Returning to normal speaking level, I said,

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“Whatever, he doesn‟t really annoy me, so… whatever.” Wow, so fucking eloquent today. “But,” she said, biting into her lip and fiddling again. We stopped outside of her classroom and I turned her to look at me. Just then Haruka appeared. She only offered me a passing glance. She had eyes only for Yuki. I wondered if I was the only one that noticed the way Haruka looked at her best friend. When the door shut behind Haruka, I continued, “Hey, it‟s cool. If he pisses me off, I don‟t have to talk to him, right? Like today, he was annoying me so I ditched him.” Sort of. “I mean, do you see me hanging out with a jerk?” That was only half true. Keigo was a pain in the ass and had brought me a bit of trouble. Not long after the stray first showed up, I got a good beat down. Bastards jumped me from behind, called me a homo. One even tried to rape me. I took the beating but saved my ass from being pounded. They warned me not to tell Keigo what had happened or I was dead. I wasn‟t sure why they‟d go so far, if they were serious, but I never saw them again after that. I know they targeted me because of Keigo. Even so, I didn‟t blame him. I mean, it wasn‟t like I was a stranger to fights anyway. He took care of me after the attack and that was something I couldn‟t forget. Besides, I kinda liked the guy. I couldn‟t explain it, not even a little, but we were almost like friends. So, pain in the ass or not, I was willing to give Keigo a chance—which was completely not like me. Yuki smiled. “I guess not. Okay, I need to go to class. See you later!” I bent down to give her a kiss and ended up with a mouthful of hair. She had whipped around so fast that I never found her lips, much less skin. I sighed at the door as it shut in my face. “Prude,” I mumbled and shoved my hands deep into my pockets. I didn‟t feel like going to my afternoon classes, so I decided to skip. Just as I was turning to leave campus, I remembered that I had forgotten my book. I had slipped it under my bag when Keigo showed up and forgot to put it in my pack before I left. “Damn. Stupid. Fucking stupid.” I started toward my not-so-secret spot, hands deep in pockets. I must have looked as miserable as I felt, walking around

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with a hard-on, annoyed at my clumsiness at forgetting my book and by Yuki‟s chastity. We‟d been dating for four months already. Four whole fucking months! And no sex. No tongue, no groping, no handling of “sensitive areas” whatsoever. Nothing. I‟ve never been with a girl for so long and not slept with her, much less not gotten to second base. I‟ve never been with such a prude. I was starting to feel really pent-up, and jerking off was starting to get really fucking boring. Why did I even say yes to her? More importantly, why am I still with her? As I mounted the stairs to go up, my thoughts went back to Keigo and his hot mouth on my dick. I moaned, grabbing myself. My hard-on was still strong and I wondered how fast I could get to the video store and home to jerk off. I felt a presence in front of me and looked up. Keigo was standing against the wall he‟d had me pinned to earlier, smiling around a cigarette. “Son of a bitch,” I mumbled, coming to a stop. I hadn‟t expected him to be there still. I just wanted to get my book, pick up a porno, and go home. Now I had to add putting Keigo off to my list. “Masaki-kun. Miss me already?” I should have felt a little strange. I mean, I did kiss the guy, had my dick in his mouth. But for some reason I didn‟t feel any differently about him than I had when I got up this morning. I shuffled toward him with my hands in my pockets. I could feel him watching me, despite my best efforts to ignore him. “Yeah, right. Keep dreaming.” “Whatcha up to, Masaki-kun?” I flicked my gaze to him for a moment. He was watching me, grinning, just as I had imagined. “I forgot my book.” “Kore wa…?” Keigo brought his arm out from behind him and held up my book. “Yes, hand it over.” I didn‟t like him smoking around it, much less touching it. “Now.” “Don‟t be so hasty.” He flipped the cover over and read it. “This is some serious reading, Masaki-kun.”

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I gritted my teeth. It was a very expensive book. Besides, it meant a lot to me. Someone I loved greatly had given it to me. “Give it.” He shrugged, and I snatched it away as he extended his arm. I shoved the book into my pack and turned away. “Going to class?” I stopped and turned to face him again. “Why are you being so fucking annoying today?” He only gave me a sly look, nearly batting his eyes, in answer. I huffed. “Not that it‟s any of your goddamned business, but no. Getting a video and then checking out. I‟m done for the day.” “Oh yeah? I thought you had afternoon classes today.” I frowned and looked at him. “You been stalking me, man?” He smiled broadly. “No, we have a class together.” “What?” I asked, surprised. I thought I would have known. He stubbed out his smoke and came to me, still grinning. “Yep, literature.” “No shit,” I muttered to myself. I never even noticed. Then again, I skipped more than not. And when I didn‟t, I slept. I offered him a shrug and spun on my heel. “Whatever, later.” “Wait.” He ran up to me. “I‟ll walk with you.” I shrugged, refusing to look at him. “Do whatever you want.” He shuffled along next to me as I walked toward the station. We were silent all the way from the campus to the store. I wondered about him, in our silence. Keigo was nothing like me. He was cheery, outgoing, and personable. Sure, he was other things too, crass and loudmouthed, but still he was nothing like me. People usually used terms like aloof, stern, and ill-tempered. I couldn‟t deny what they say about me when they‟re right. I stopped outside the video store and turned to Keigo, finally looking at him. He was tall and good-looking, for a guy, even if he had an effeminate face. I understood why he had a rep for being a boy-toy whore. “All right, I‟ll see you later.” “You‟re renting a movie?” I sighed, running a hand over my hair. “Yeah.” “What one? I collect a ton of movies, maybe I have it already.” 24

I considered him for a moment, wondering what he was planning now. “Just a pink film. Need to relieve some tension, you know?” He laughed. “I‟ll say; you‟re all sorts of grumpy.” I gave him the finger. “Fuck you, man.” I turned away and started to go into the store when he grabbed me from behind. “Hey!” “Shhh,” he whispered into my ear and I had to stifle a shudder from the warm breath on my neck. “No yelling, people will look.” I jerked my arm out of his hand and turned to face him, scowling. “What do you want?” “Don‟t be so rude. I‟m inviting you to my place for a movie. And if you‟re a good boy, I‟ll make you dinner.” “No way, I don‟t want to watch your gay porn.” He laughed. “I‟ve got porn with women too, Masaki-kun. I‟m bisexual.” When he saw me considering his offer, he leaned in close and whispered, “What if I offer to finish what I started earlier? The blow job, I mean. No funny stuff.” I frowned, but knew that I was sold already. Hey, it‟s a free movie and head. Who would say no to such an offer? “No funny stuff?” He straightened and put his hand up. “Trust me.” The thing was, I didn‟t. I didn‟t even know him really, only what the rumors said, that Akatsuki Keigo was a big whore and a liar. Even knowing that, in the time that I‟d known him, I‟d never seen him with anyone. Nor had I caught him in a lie. I‟m a “take things at face value” kinda guy. Didn‟t mean I trusted him though. I sighed deeply, knowing I was probably going to regret it later. “Fine, let‟s go.”

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MY PLACE was about fifteen minutes from campus. Masaki seemed jealous of the location, since his was more than double. Only the wealthy could afford accommodations so close to the university. I had money given to me by my father, as payment to never speak to him again. I thought it was a pretty good deal, not having to deal with him again, except that it also meant I couldn‟t see my mother or little brother anymore. I missed them so much. Hell, I almost missed Dad, even though I disgusted him. I was nervous the entire way home, thinking that Masaki would leave at any minute. But there he was, standing in my living room, looking over my bookshelves full of movies. I liked the figure he made from behind, such a strong and beautiful man, yet wonderfully masculine. He was definitely my type, if I ever had one. “Mattaku, you weren‟t kidding.” Masaki looked over his shoulder, smiling. I thought that he looked even more handsome and charming when he smiled and that he should do it more often. “You‟ve got more movies than the video store. Oh man,” he exclaimed, turning to the shelf again, “I‟ve wanted to see this one. Didn‟t it just come out?” I went to him with an opened beer, my own in the other hand. “Yeah. I like movies. You can borrow any you want.” “I don‟t have a Blu-ray.” Point for me. Seventy percent of my collection was in Blu-ray. “Well, then you are welcome to come over and watch them with me anytime.” “Mhm,” he hummed suspiciously as he inspected the shelves again, sipping at the beer. “I didn‟t think people actually bought porn to keep. I mean, once you see it, isn‟t that enough?”

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I had a rather substantial collection when it came to porn. My favorites were the titles with famous beauty Sakurai Aki. The man had the body of a god and the grace of a geisha girl. He was just simply gorgeous. Too bad for Masaki all of his titles were homosexual. “Ah,” I said as I came up behind him. “I only buy the good ones. The ones with a story and real art.” Masaki looked at me over his shoulder. He was close enough to kiss. Oh how I wanted to, but I didn‟t want to scare him off. I was bold earlier and, by all rights, should have chased him off. But here he was with me. I needed to be more careful than I was earlier. “You can‟t be serious.” I smiled, resisting the urge to cover his lips, damp with beer, with my own. I had to behave, wait for the right moment. “Should I pick one out?” “Uh, sure. But no gay stuff.” I chuckled softly as I shooed him away. “I did promise nothing funny. Trust me.” The look he gave me as he moved toward the sofa said he clearly didn‟t. I found the movie I was looking for and went to put it into the player. I could feel Masaki watching from his spot on the sofa. When I turned, I smiled to myself, realizing he had been staring at my ass. So much for not being gay, silly Masaki-kun. I offered him a big grin and plopped down next to him, but not touching. I started the movie, feeling Masaki‟s gaze warming my face. We were only just past the opening when I couldn‟t resist anymore, I had to touch him. I tossed the remote to the table and reached for Masaki‟s pants. “Whoa, dude, what are you doing?” Half of it came out in English. It wasn‟t the first time I‟d heard him talk in English, but it was still a surprise every time I heard it from him. His pronunciation was perfect. “Didn‟t I say already?” I wiggled my eyebrows and licked my lips slowly. “I want to suck on your dick again.” Risky, risky, Keigo. “Mattaku,” he sighed. “The movie only just started. What a perv.”

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I took that as an okay and opened his jeans. He didn‟t stop me and I reached inside, liking what I found. “You‟re still hard, Masakikun.” “Yeah, that‟s your fucking fault.” He sounded upset, but his eyes were shimmering with laughter. I grinned broadly, squeezing Masaki‟s cock enough to make a small moan slip from his lips. “That‟s why I want to make you feel better. I did promise and I like to keep my promises no matter what.” He eyed me a moment and then said, “Whatever, do what you want.” I had heard that phrase a lot from him. I think it was his way of saying yes without actually using the word. Before he could find an excuse to complain or leave, I pulled Masaki‟s cock from his underwear and closed my mouth down around it. He tasted slightly sweet under the musk of man. The noise from the television only distracted me as I started to bob up and down, tasting as much of him as I could. I wanted to hear Masaki‟s voice, not the whore screaming on TV. I sat up and touched his face. “Hey, Masaki-kun, lift your ass up.” His brow furrowed and I laughed. “No, silly. Your pants are in the way.” “Yeah, sure.” He stood, dropped his pants to the floor, and kicked out of them. His boxers went to his ankles but he didn‟t want to take them off. I thought it was adorable. “Sexy… I‟ve never had anyone sit on my sofa in their bare ass before.” He raised an eyebrow, like he had a hard time believing that. Thing was, it was the truth. Masaki was the only other man I‟d ever brought home. I almost shuddered at the thought of that other man. No, my thoughts were all for Masaki now. He‟s all that matters. “Masaki-kun, you‟ve got a nice cock.” “Uh, thanks?” he said, sounding unsure. I chuckled and slipped to my knees on the floor until I had myself wedged between his. I gave him one last grin and then slowly moved to his cock again, eyes fixed on his and tongue out to accept his sweet offering. His own eyes were half-lidded, watching me,

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heavy with need. I could tell it had been a long time since he‟d had anyone do this for him. I was glad I was the one who could. “You‟re such a dick tease,” he said breathily. I answered him with a soft moan and took his cock into my mouth. “Oh God,” he muttered in English as I started to move up and down. He sighed and I felt him relax under me. “That‟s good.” I moved slowly at first, trying to taste every bit of Masaki. I traced him with tongue, up and down slowly. If there was one thing I knew, it was how to please a man. Masaki gave another moan, and then his hands went deep into my hair. I felt we were together then, as lovers. I wanted him to feel for me the way I felt for him. Masaki stroked the hair fallen from my tie back from my face. “You‟re so dirty, Akatsuki-san,” he said softly and I spared a glance up. “Does my dick really taste that good?” “It… does.” “Bet you say that to all the guys you suck on.” His voice was dark and low. I frowned and looked up again. “But I‟m, mpf, I‟m….” I let his cock slip from my lips. “I‟m not as big of a whore as everyone thinks, Masaki-kun.” My rep had nothing to do with sleeping around and everything to do with sleeping with the wrong person. That one person saw to it that I was seen as a dirty whore. Someone to stay away from. I was taboo. “Whatever you say,” Masaki mumbled. I blinked up at him for a moment, fighting hard to keep my expression impassive. It hurt me to think that Masaki believed the rumors. But, then again, I had never told him otherwise. That, and he never believed a word I said. How could I make him see me, understand me? Finally, I looked away and bent down, tongue first, and swallowed Masaki‟s cock again. I gave a new vigor to my work, determined to make Masaki feel good. It was the least I could do for him. I didn‟t have to work much longer before he started to tense and squirm under me. “Ahh, I‟m coming… get… ah! Get off… Kei… go….”

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He tried to push me away, but I locked my jaw around him, and then he gave a deep moan. He was hot and salty in my mouth. I swallowed his elixir down and sat up, wiping at my mouth with the back of my hand. Masaki let out a groan and lay back against the sofa, panting softly. “Jesus….” English again. I chuckled and lifted up onto my knees, climbing the front of his body until his face was under mine. I let out a breath against his cheek. “You liked that, huh?” “Oh man.” He pushed me away, but there was mischief in his eyes. “Go brush your teeth, you stink of jizz.” “What?” I leaned into him again, nuzzling his neck, and gave him tiny nips and kisses. “Is Masaki-kun thinking about kissing me?” He huffed and pushed me off again. “Don‟t be stupid.” Standing, I laughed and waved a hand over my shoulder, going to the bathroom. I brushed quickly, applied some strawberry lip gloss I had picked up early in the week, and then ran off to the kitchen. I grabbed two beers and returned to Masaki in time to hear him mumbling to himself, “Fuck, I really need to get laid.” I had to withhold a snicker and managed to keep my comments to myself. I knew that he was repressed, sexually. He let it slip one day last week that his girlfriend was a prude and he wasn‟t getting any. That‟s part of what drove me to be so bold earlier and do what I did. I went and sat next to Masaki, handing him a beer. “What, trying to get me drunk?” I smiled, but said nothing. I opened my beer and chugged down about half of it in three big swallows. I needed to give myself some confidence with what I was working on in the back of my mind. I didn‟t have the guts to say it unless my tongue was loosened just a touch. “Ah! That was good.” Masaki made a face at me and finished off his first beer before moving on to the second. We sat in silence, watching the action on TV. Masaki, sitting in just his underwear and shirt, was sneaking glances at me around his beer. I knew then that what I had cooking in the back of my mind was going to come out. I was going to do it.

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One step at a time. “Hey, Masaki-kun, wanna jerk off and see who shoots first? You know, now that we‟re on even ground.” He frowned and I grinned harder, thinking he was so cute in a pathetic sort of way when he frowned. “What? I can tell you haven‟t had much action lately. That helped, right, didn‟t it? Me suck—” “Don‟t finish that sentence. And don‟t you dare tell anyone about that or I‟ll beat the shit out of you and mess up that pretty face of yours.” I ignored his words and leaned into him, putting my cheek on his shoulder. I liked touching Masaki. I wondered if he felt the same. By the look in his eye, he seemed indifferent either way. “Aw, so sensitive. I won‟t peep, I promise. I‟m really very good with secrets, Masaki-kun. So come on, play with me.” I was telling the truth too. I could keep a secret. “You have no shame.” “Nope,” I answered, grinning still. Oh God, he’s going to know I’m lying! He looked into my face from inches away and suddenly smiled. “I‟m not going to lose to you.” I jumped up, grinning harder, and started to undress. “Whoa, wait, what‟re you doing?” “What?” I said with an innocent eye bat and took off my shirt. “I‟d rather be naked. Does that bother you?” I stood over Masaki, completely nude. Masaki was trying hard not to look at me, my cock, but his eyes kept straying. Finally he sighed and answered, “No.” He shrugged that shrug that meant everything and nothing. He seemed to do it when he really wanted something, but couldn‟t say it. I knew Masaki better than he realized in that moment. I knew he wanted to be naked and, maybe, with me. “Guess I‟ll take mine off too.” He slipped off his shirt, kicked out of his boxers, and plopped back onto the sofa. His skin must have been damp because it made a rude noise against the leather and we both laughed. Still chuckling softly, I sat down next to Masaki, close enough that when I spread my legs wide, our knees touched. I

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smirked to myself, seeing Masaki trying hard not to look at me when I grabbed my partly erect cock and started to slowly play with it. Beside me, Masaki started to work at his own cock, bringing it back to fullness again rather quickly. He was staring hard at the TV, but I could tell I was distracting him. He was trying not to look at me even as he snuck glances my way. I watched him out of the corner of my eye. “See something you like, Masaki-kun?” He started to huff, but it turned into a sudden, soft moan. He was enjoying himself. “Ah… no. Just… never mind.” I wiggled a little closer, opening my legs wider for him to have a non-obscured look at my goods. “Want to touch it?” His hands stopped working and he looked directly at me. I don‟t think I‟d ever seen him look so completely shocked. “What?” I had to suppress a giggle. He was just so charming and he didn‟t know it. “My cock. I saw you admiring it.” “No, I don‟t want to touch your dick. Mattaku, back off, dude.” I went to my hands and knees on the sofa beside Masaki. “What are you—” The moment he turned his face toward mine, I grabbed him and kissed him. He resisted for only a moment, and then his lips parted under mine. We were entangled in a deep kiss. I could taste the strawberry gloss I‟d applied earlier and hoped Masaki liked it. Our kiss grew more urgent. I could tell Masaki was starting to lose himself to me when he took my shoulders into his hands and held me to him. To encourage him further, I reached down and cupped his balls in my left hand. Through our kisses he asked, “What… do you think… you‟re doing?” I pulled back slowly, releasing his bottom lip from between my teeth. “Hey, Masaki-kun.” I kissed his cheek softly and gave a silent prayer that what I was about to do wouldn‟t scare off my lone wolf. If he said yes to a free blow job, then there‟s no reason for him to say no to this, right? “Want to fuck me?” He flinched, jumping back. He really wasn‟t expecting me to say that. Oh God, I could take him right here. If he didn‟t leave. “What? You can‟t be serious.”

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My smile softened. I was unsure. No, I was positively frightened. I was certain that he would say no. He would leave and I‟d never see him again. Oh God, what am I doing? “You are serious.” I pulled one of his shrugs, fighting hard to hide my uncertainty and fear. “I am bisexual and I like you.” “Yeah, well I‟m not.” I know. Oh God. He’s going to leave! “So what, it‟s not like you‟re the one spreading your legs. You haven‟t had sex in a long time, right? Doing it with a man isn‟t that much different than with a woman.” Sort of. He looked skeptical. My heart sank and I was sure it was about to be broken. I liked Masaki more than was good for either of us. Dammit, I’m such a fucking idiot, falling for a straight man who can’t admit his own feelings to himself. I tried not to frown and when I realized that I couldn‟t resist, I leaned into him and started to give his neck soft kisses. I had to hide my despair from him. I shouldn‟t have asked, but I had to try one more time. “I promise it‟ll be good. And I already told you”—I looked up, meeting his eyes—“I can keep a secret.” I felt his heart quicken under my hand. The look on his face said that he didn‟t know the answer until it was coming out of his mouth. “Yeah… okay.”

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KEIGO‟S face lit up. He seemed almost relieved. I was going to say no, but the look in his eyes, the desperation, made me say yes. Besides, if he could keep it a secret, what‟s the harm? I mean, we both got something out of it, right? Sex with a man can‟t be that different than with a woman. Right? “Would it help to watch gay porn? You know, to see how it works, learn what goes where.” I scowled at Keigo and grabbed him by the back of his neck. “Shut up.” I kissed him, burying my tongue deep in his mouth. He let out a surprised noise that turned into a moan and fell into me. I was pressed back against the sofa, but almost immediately felt uncomfortable. It wasn‟t his dick, hard against my leg, or his heavier weight that was bothering me. It was the leather. I was hot and sweating a little and my skin was sticking. “Hey, Akatsuki-san, let‟s go to your room. It‟s hot here.” He chuckled, diving into my chest. “It sure is hot here. And I told you to call me Keigo.” “No, come on.” I pushed on his shoulders. “The leather is annoying.” He smiled and stood, offering me his hand. I looked up at him, really seeing him. He was tall and good-looking clothed. Naked, he was magnificent. If anything, it made me feel a little self-conscious. Where he was lean and trim, I was thick with muscle. Where he had long, silken black hair, I had short, wiry, bleached-blond hair. I was also almost ten centimeters shorter than him. We were complete opposites. I sighed and stood without his help. He gave a soft harrumph and started toward the bedroom. I followed him, watching him move

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with a grace I hadn‟t noticed before. If it weren‟t for the man parts, he could have been a woman. A very tall woman. I was always impressed with his height, well over Japanese norm. His bedroom was cooler than the living room, dark and inviting. The bed was a large Western style with tons of pillows and several blankets. There wasn‟t much else to the room besides two nightstands and a side chair. Comfortable. “Nice room.” “Thanks.” He climbed onto the bed and rolled slowly to face me so that I saw every inch of him. He smiled darkly and held his hand out. “It‟s okay.” “I know that,” I snapped. “Bakayarou.” I fell to the bed, covering him. Despite the height difference, we fit together pretty well. He was hard against my leg, and I wondered if I could really do this, fuck a man. The sight of his dick—hard, for me—didn‟t bother me, so… so far, so good, right? “Mm,” he said through kisses. “You‟re heavier than you look.” “You idiot, stop talking.” Keigo chuckled softly. “Yes, sir.” I wanted to complain about that too, but I fell into kissing him. I never realized how much like kissing a woman it was until I thought about it. There was no difference. Sure, his body felt completely different under mine and the mechanics would be a little different when we got to the sex part, but the basic idea was still there: put it in and move. Keigo also happened to be the best kisser I‟ve had. And I‟ve been with a lot of women. Determined not to let the idea of fucking a man scare me off, I shut my eyes and focused on the feel of Keigo‟s body, his warmth, the taste of strawberry on his lips. Even with his dick pressed into my leg just below my own, I was able to forget. I was able to get absorbed into Keigo as a sexual being. I was almost crazy with need. “You‟re really enjoying this, huh?” Keigo whispered as he nibbled at my ear. “You don‟t know when to shut up, do you?”

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“Nope.” He pushed and rolled me to my back. “Don‟t worry,” he said, reading the look on my face. “I won‟t try anything you‟re uncomfortable with.” Instead of telling him to shut up again, I showed him what I wanted and wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his mouth to mine. He remained on his hands and knees over me, kissing me. I pulled on him until he fell on top of me, pressing our bodies together. Keigo‟s hips started to move over mine and I automatically responded, rocking against him. The sensation of dick on dick was new, but it didn‟t feel so bad. And for the first time since we started this, I thought that maybe, just maybe, his body felt good against mine. Yeah, this isn’t bad at all. Keigo broke from my mouth and started to move down my chin, the front of my throat, collarbone, middle of my chest, left pec, then the right. I moaned, lifting a knee. His hands roved all over my chest, moved down to cup my hips. He really was skilled at making his partner feel good. But still, I couldn‟t help but wonder at his fascination with my flat chest. I lifted up onto my elbows and looked down at him. “What‟s with the chest already? I mean, I don‟t have soft tits. If anything, I‟m hard.” He grinned broadly. “A chest is a chest as far as I‟m concerned. But,” he said, leaning down again, “what I like most is these.” Teeth enclosed my right nipple and gave a soft tug. I moaned loudly, unable to stop, not wanting to stop. “Oooh,” Keigo said around my nipple, “I think Masaki-kun likes that.” He gave another soft tug and my whole body pulsed with electricity. My fingers splayed across my lips as if I was trying to keep the noise in. But it didn‟t matter anymore. “Oh God….” I felt like I would come by him just playing with my nipples. And then, a hand grabbed my crotch and started to massage my balls. I writhed against the bed as his tongue flicked back and forth over my nipple, his teeth giving gentle tugs, his hand pulling at my balls. My back arched up off the bed and I cried out, “Ah, Keigo!” I dug my fingers into his back, trying to anchor myself. Never before

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had anyone done anything like this for me. I had no idea something so simple could feel so damn, “Good….” Then, quite suddenly, he stopped. I sucked in a sharp, broken breath and opened my eyes. Keigo was moving across the bed on all fours toward the nightstand. I don‟t know what possessed me, but I jumped up and fell onto his back, hugging him from behind. He stopped and looked at me around his shoulder. “I can‟t wait anymore, Akatsuki-san.” He laughed, reaching out and picking up a bottle from the nightstand. He sat up, forcing me to sit up with him. “Patience. I need to make myself ready for you.” I sat back onto my heels and frowned. “Ready?” I looked down to his lap. He was as hard as he was going to get. Not that he was going to be using that on me. No way. Keigo laughed again and touched my face. “No, not there.” He wetted his fingers with the bottle—lubricant, I realized—and went to all fours. “Here,” he whispered and reached behind him. I was moving forward for a clearer view before I could stop myself. Keigo watched me, unflinching in what he was doing. And what he was doing, while it surprised me a little, I kind of expected. He had two fingers plunged into his own ass, moving in and out, back and forth slowly. When I looked into his face, I could tell he really enjoyed it. I didn‟t get it, but I was intrigued. “Hey,” I said and he looked me in the eye. “Let me.” He frowned. I didn‟t like the way it looked on his face. “Are you sure? That‟s a big step for a boy virgin.” “Boy virgin… oh, right. I get it. Well, how different is it from a chick‟s cunt?” He raised a single dark brow. “It‟s, uh… different.” I shrugged. “I want to, okay?” He withdrew his fingers and handed me the bottle of lube. “Knock yourself out.” I covered my fingers in the cold liquid and lay back on the bed. “Come here.”

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Keigo obediently climbed over me until he was far enough up for me to reach. With my dry hand, I pulled his face down to mine and kissed him deeply, tasting him. My other hand went to his ass. I thought that he had a nice-feeling ass, soft and round like a woman‟s, and then slipped my fingers into his crack. When I found the damp pucker, I pushed gently until my fingers broke the tension. It was the first time I‟d ever touched that place on anyone, and I hesitated. Keigo moaned, wiggling his ass so that he made my fingers plunge deeper. Realizing I was doing what I was supposed to, I started to move my fingers in and out the way I would with a woman. Though he didn‟t feel anything like a woman. No woman was that tight. “Ah, Masaki-kun, there. Oh God, right there. Deeper.” I had found some magical spot on him, because he started to moan wildly, breathing heavy and shuddering. I lifted up onto my free elbow to kiss his chest. “Yeah, you like that? That like your G-spot? You‟re so dirty, so hot.” He answered me with a moan, falling into me. I was pinned to the bed under Keigo, my fingers buried deep into his backside. It wasn‟t enough though, I wanted more. “Mm, Akatsuki-san, I want to be inside you. I want to fuck you.” He shuddered hard, his eyes closing. “So sexy.” I laughed and kissed him again. “So how are we doing this?” He motioned for me to get up and I scooted back, sitting up. “Here.” He put his back to me on all fours. “Like this.” He looked like a woman from behind with his long hair cascading down around him, offering me his sweet ass. And then he parted his legs wide so that I saw very clearly that he was indeed a man. It was then, as I stared at his balls hanging between his legs, that I realized he was shaved. The skin looked smooth and soft. I had the urge to touch him, but wasn‟t sure if I could bring myself to do it. “Masaki?” he said softly, looking over his shoulder to me. I met his gaze and saw the same need I felt within his dark eyes. I gave a desperate moan and tackled him. It took me two shoves of my hips to realize that I needed to use my hand to push into him and

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not hurt myself. I grabbed myself, a low moan starting from my throat, and positioned myself at his opening. “Masaki, hurry up and fuck me.” I groaned. No one had ever said that to me. “Now who‟s the one being sexy?” Without any hesitations I pushed into him and his body squeezed tightly around me. He cried out, urging me on as his hips started to rock. A long groan slipped from me when I pushed all the way in. “Ah, Masaki! Fuck me,” Keigo cried out loudly, and I lost it. I moved in and out of him hard. Wet noises started to fill the room and I realized it was me, what I was doing to Keigo. It should have bothered me, the idea of fucking a man, but I couldn‟t be bothered about it, not when Keigo felt so good under me, his body hot against mine. Keigo was wrong about sex with a man not being that different from with a woman. That‟s right, it‟s better. “Oh God, you‟re so tight.” Keigo answered me with a moan and rocked back into me hard so that his ass smacked against my abdomen. I returned his primal grunt with my own and pounded against him with growing urgency. The faster I moved, the more and louder Keigo cried out. When he started to rock back and forth, meeting my groin with his sweet ass harder and harder, I couldn‟t hold out any more and the fire burst from me. I cried out over Keigo‟s own cries, my fingers digging into his hips, as I filled him with my seed. Spent, we both tumbled to the bed as one. I lay on top of him, my dick still buried deep inside him, as I learned to breathe again. We lay in silence for a long time, save for the sound of our breathing. When the silence was broken, it was Keigo‟s breathy voice. “That,” he started, and then gave a soft chuckle. “Oh, don‟t do that—you tightened on me.” He chuckled again and I pulled out with a long groan. I lay on him again, liking the feel of his hot body under mine. I wasn‟t so bothered by the fact that we were both men anymore. In fact, it

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seemed pretty natural, what we had just done. I felt no shame. Not yet, anyway. “That,” Keigo said again and lifted up to look at me over his shoulder. “That was fantastic. You‟re sure you never fucked a man before?” I smiled and moved enough for Keigo to roll over under me. “Yeah, I‟m sure.” I rolled to my side and looked down the length of his body. His groin was wet. “You came?” He touched my face gently. “Oh yes. I had to hold back, but when you went, I couldn‟t stop it anymore.” “Uh, yeah.” I rolled to my back, staring up at the ceiling. “I didn‟t know if I was supposed to go in you or not. I guess it‟s too late now.” He chuckled and sat up, rummaging on his nightstand again. “No.” There was a click, and then he plopped back down with a lit cigarette between his lips. “It‟s cool. I don‟t mind. It felt good.” He looked to me, his expression suddenly serious. I felt nervous at the heady look in his eyes. Maybe because the sex we‟d just had felt more than good, it was amazing. I nodded toward him. “Can I get one of those?” “I didn‟t know you smoke, Masaki-kun.” He sat up and grabbed a second cigarette. I took the cigarette from him, our fingers brushing. That one light touch seemed so much more intimate than what we just did. Intimate, like the look he had just given me. “No, not really. I mean, I do, but not often.” “I see,” he said, staring off into space. Keigo seemed distracted. “Probably healthier that way.” “A light?” “Oh, right.” He sat up and leaned over me. I could smell strawberries again and noticed he had reapplied his lip gloss. I tried hard not to smile as he touched the end of his cigarette to mine. His eyes, they were so dark as they stared into mine. I wanted to kiss him again, to taste his lips, but I couldn‟t think of how with two cigarettes separating us.

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“Thanks,” I mumbled and lay back again. After a few minutes of silence I said, “So, this was fun.” What else could I say? I felt weird that I didn‟t feel weird about what we had just done. “Yeah,” Keigo answered, still staring at the ceiling. “Anyway, I should get going. I think my girl is expecting me to call later.” As if on cue, my cell phone, still in my pants, started to ring from the other room. I sighed, running a hand over my hair, and climbed off the bed. “Yeah, definitely time to go.” Keigo sat up and watched me walk by. I stopped at the doorway and looked at him over my shoulder. “See you later?” I couldn‟t be sure, but it looked like he was frowning again behind his cigarette. His answer was a soft nod. I left the bedroom, dressed, and left the apartment without another word.

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THE front door slammed shut behind Masaki and I felt the force of what had happened like a kick to the balls. We had sex, great sex, and then he left. To see his girlfriend. I put out my cigarette and fell back onto the bed, jabbing the butts of my palms into my eyes. I fucked Masaki! I‟m such a moron. I had promised myself I wouldn‟t do this. I couldn‟t do this to myself. But I had. I had said that all I wanted was to kiss him once, just once. But then, I went and did this. I knew as the words were coming out of my mouth I was being outrageous. But he said yes! And then we did, and without a condom on top of that. I‟ve never fucked anyone without a rubber, not once. What was I thinking, having sex with Masaki to begin with? “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I started to chant. My cell phone rang. It was still in my pants in the front room. I knew I wasn‟t going to make it on time. By the time I stumbled off the bed, nearly going headfirst when the sheets trapped me, my cell had stopped ringing. My house phone then started. I spun to the nightstand and snatched up the receiver. “I‟m here!” “My, what an enthusiastic greeting.” My body went cold and I shivered, recognizing the sarcastic masculine voice on the other end of the line. Of course, it wasn‟t Masaki. He didn‟t have my home phone number. “Ah, senpai, you‟re back.” “Oh, your excitement fled so fast. Is that my doing? No „welcome back, happy to hear from you‟? „You‟ve been gone so long, I‟ve missed you‟?”

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I cleared my throat softly and pulled a blanket from the bed up around me. I caught a whiff of Masaki and wished he was still here. “Uh, no, it was, I was just expecting… Um, what‟s up, senpai?” “Keigo-chan,” he sighed into my ear. “I‟ve asked you to call me by name now. We‟re no longer in that role.” “You‟re right.” “No, indeed, we‟re in a much better role now.” I sat on the bed, hugging myself with the blanket that smelled like Masaki. “Listen, Kaname, I‟m not feeling well.” That sounded like a big flat lie to my own ears. Crap, I needed to learn to lie better. “Ooooh, such a pity. I was hoping to see you tonight, my sweet. I have missed you so.” That‟s what I was afraid of. Kaname wanting to see me meant only one thing. I scooted across the bed until I was pressed against the headboard, surrounded by pillows. It wasn‟t the first time I‟d ended up in this comforting position. “I really don‟t—” “I‟ll bring you something nice. Come on, what do you say, Kei… go… chan?” I knew he‟d come no matter what I said. “I- I guess—” “Fabulous! See you soon, my sweet.” “But, wait, Kaname!” The line was already dead in my ear. I pulled the receiver away from my ear and in a fit of anxiety, tossed it across the room. It didn‟t get far before it came to the end of the cord and snapped back. The whole phone fell off the nightstand, bringing half of the things there to the floor. Kaname, he‟s coming. And then… then he‟s going to— I shuddered, thinking of his harsh hands on me. Once, not that long ago, I didn‟t have these feelings of doubt and fear about my beloved Kaname. Once, I used to love him more than anyone. But he couldn‟t return my feelings. For years and years I yearned to be loved by senpai. And when he finally gave me the chance I had longed for, years in the making, I discovered the dark side of Kaname. He wasn‟t at all the man I thought he was. I shut my eyes and shuddered again, thinking how I was a hazard to my own self. I was destructive and didn‟t know how to save myself.

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Before I knew it, I was crying. I’m so fucking pathetic. Determined to not be pathetic all night, I got up and went to the shower, knowing Kaname wanted me clean. He would be angry if he found Masaki‟s ejaculate inside me when he arrived. So that was the first thing I did under the hot water. As I slipped two fingers into me, I imagined they were Masaki‟s. Cleaning quickly turned into pleasuring. I flushed, imagining the way he held me, touched me. He had been far more eager than I anticipated. He‟d even kissed me, willingly. But of course, I would have never asked him to fuck me if I thought he would really say no. I didn‟t take rejection well. I must have spent longer in the shower than I thought, just standing under the hot water with my forehead against the wall, because I suddenly felt the presence of someone behind me. I realized that Kaname had already been on his way when he had called. That was just like him. It was too late for me; I was already in his hold. One hand covered my groin, the other found my mouth. Lips touched my ear and the familiar, whispered voice said, “You always know exactly what I‟m thinking, Keigo-chan.” I froze in his arms. I couldn‟t ask him what he meant, even if I wanted to. He licked the outer edge of my ear and I whimpered. “What‟s wrong, my sweet? You seem so tense.” He withdrew his fingers from my mouth enough for me to speak. I swallowed the extra saliva and whispered, “I said I wasn‟t feeling well, sen—Kaname-sama.” I looked over my shoulder. He was already naked. “How did you get in?” “You silly boy, you left the front door open. That‟s just asking for strangers to come in and molest my sweet.” Oh, Masaki left it open when he left. Please, come back. Someone please save me… Masaki. Kaname moaned into my ear, and then the hand at my crotch started to move. His own groin pressed against my ass and I could feel that he was already hard. To my chagrin, I was getting hard too. My body was too well trained. And despite my angst toward Kaname

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now, I still had lingering feelings for him. I had loved him. I guess I still did. He chuckled into my ear and I sighed, relaxing against him. “You know I always make my sweet feel so good.” “Yes, senpai,” I whispered. “Whatever you say.”

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THE early evening was dark and cool. And I felt great. I was sated, truly sated in body for the first time in months. Sex with Keigo was better than I realized it would be. Sex with Keigo was better than with most women I‟ve been with. And that was going to be a problem. I knew it. I was so lost in my thoughts that I was almost to the station when I remembered that my cell phone had rung earlier. Just as I was pulling my phone out to check it, it went off. I sighed and answered, “Hai, Masaki desu.” “Hi, it‟s me.” I shoved my free hand into my pocket. “Hey me-chan, what‟s up?” “Um,” Yuki said, her voice soft and unsure, “I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight?” I stopped. “You sound really strange, is everything okay?” “Ye-yeah. Of course it is.” I frowned, watching the bustle of people move all around me as if I wasn‟t even there. I didn‟t exist, just a rock in the river to direct the flow. “Yuki-chan….” “My parents are out for the night, I was just thinking you could come over and keep me company.” “What about Nana-chan?” “No,” Yuki sighed. “She went to her boyfriend‟s for the night. She won‟t be back until tomorrow.” So her little sister was getting some. Good for her. “Naruhodo.” Suddenly, Shizuka‟s voice screamed from the background, “Yuki-chan, you finally going to do it with Uchida-san?”

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Yuki gasped and covered the phone with her hand, but I could clearly hear her chiding Shizuka. She was Yuki‟s best friend, after Haruka, and the most annoying. I didn‟t really like or hate Shizuka either way. But right now, I thought what she had said was hilarious. It took an immense act of willpower that I didn‟t normally have not to burst into laughter. Good to know I’m not the only one bothered by Yuki’s prudery. “Oh my goodness,” Yuki gasped into the phone when she returned, “I‟m so sorry if you heard that.” I let out a soft chuckle and continued walking. “No, it‟s fine. I thought you wanted company, but Shizuka‟s there. And if Shizuka‟s there, Haruka‟s not far behind.” Haruka was like Yuki‟s shadow. I still don‟t know how Yuki didn‟t see what was really going on. Maybe she knew and didn‟t care. I know I didn‟t. “No, I mean, yes. But they have to go. Then I‟ll be alone.” I looked up at the sky, shuffling my feet as I thought about it. Wasn‟t too long before I had my answer. “Sure, I‟ll be there in a bit, just getting to the station now.” “‟Kay!” Yuki sang into my ear. “See you soon.” She was so excited that she forgot to say good-bye and hung up. I sighed, shoving my phone into my pocket, and boarded the train. There was a seat open in the back and I plopped down with my bag in my lap. I felt good, but was tired. I forgot how exhausting good sex was. And then it hit me, full force. Oh fuck me. I fucked Keigo. A guy. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. What was I thinking, having sex with him? I didn‟t even know him, except that he‟s a boy whore and likes movies. I don‟t even remember how to write his name. How could I have fucked Keigo? Oh man, does that mean I’m gay now? I sighed, sitting up again. Don‟t be fucking stupid. You were horny and he offered. What more is there to it? I‟m still me. Just a sexually relieved me. The announcement for Yuki‟s stop came on and I shuffled off the train. Within ten minutes I was at her place. Just as I was

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mounting the steps, a band of light lit the upper walkway. I knew it was from Yuki‟s place, but only because of the loud voice. “Whatever you say, Yuki-chan,” Shizuka sang sarcastically. “Shizuka,” Yuki scolded and I could almost imagine her with her arms crossed and a dirty look on her face. She smiled at everyone as much as she scowled at Shizuka. “I know you, Yuki. You say you‟re gonna sleep with him,” she scoffed, “but I‟ll believe it when I see it.” My eyes widened. Did she just say Yuki was going to sleep with me? “That‟s gross, Shizuka,” Yuki answered. The other girl laughed and tiny Haruka‟s voice said, “Come on, Shizuka-chan. This is her decision to make. Leave Yuki-chan alone.” “Fine, fine,” her friend muttered and the two were suddenly coming down the steps. They were oblivious to me until they were almost halfway down the steps. Haruka was the first to look up and came to a stop. “What‟re—” Shizuka started and looked up. “Oh. Hi, Uchidasan. You hear all of that?” I shrugged. “Enough.” Shizuka grinned broadly and came down the steps, right up to me. Haruka trailed closely behind her, looking like she was struggling not to shit herself. “Well, be gentle with her.” Shizuka leaned in close and whispered, “She‟s a virgin.” Haruka gave a soft gasp and grabbed the other girl. “Shizuka! Honestly. You say too much. Let‟s go.” I watched the girls leave, Shizuka talking the whole time while Haruka shook her head in dismay. “See you,” I said sarcastically. Shizuka responded with something equally as sarcastic-sounding in Chinese that I didn‟t understand and I turned away. I went to Yuki‟s door and knocked. Instead of answering, her voice called out from within, “It‟s open!” I went inside and slipped off my shoes. The house smelled of food, something sweet. I realized Yuki was baking. “Yuki-chan?”

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“In here.” I dropped my bag in the genkan with my shoes and shuffled off to the kitchen. Yuki was standing at the stove in a frilly purple dress—not what she had on earlier—and a frilly white apron. She turned and gave me a huge smile. “I‟m making a cake! I‟m going to use those strawberries you gave me.” “Uh, thanks?” I said, unsure how to answer. While I loved strawberries, I wasn‟t a sweets kind of person, even if it was a strawberry cake. I was a salty kinda guy. After four months I thought that she‟d know that, but I‟d eat her cake away, just to make her happy. She grinned broadly and the timer in her apron went off. She pulled some pans out of the oven and fussed with them for a few minutes. When she was done, she spun, taking her apron off. “This has to cool off. Let‟s go into the other room.” “Sure,” I answered and followed after her. When she said the other room, I thought she meant the living room. Nope. She meant her bedroom. In four months I hadn‟t been in her bedroom once. In contrast to Keigo‟s dark and cool room, hers was bright and hot. It was as girly as Yuki, all pink and fluff with stuffed animals all over. I liked Keigo‟s room better. Why am I thinking about him again? “Cute,” I muttered. That‟s what guys are supposed to say to girls about their rooms, right? “Thanks!” she answered cheerily with a little dance. She was in too good a mood. Yuki plopped down onto the bed and patted next to her. “Come sit with me.” No way I‟d say to no an invitation like that. I fell into place next to her, stretching out my legs. “So what do you wanna—” My words were cut short when Yuki fell into me, kissing me, and pushed me to the bed. Unsure, but more than willing to go with it, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me. Her breasts were huge and soft against my chest, nothing like holding the lean body of Keigo in my arms. What the hell, him again? I pushed thoughts of

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Keigo away and focused on Yuki over me. In all our time together, this was the most we had touched, kissed even. And yet, something felt wrong. I didn‟t feel right. “Is something wrong, Masaki-kun?” Yuki blinked down at me. She really was very pretty and sweet, but I wondered all the time what she saw in me. We were nothing alike. She was innocent and naïve. I was, well, not anything like that. “No, I was just wondering why the sudden need for all this.” She blushed hard and sat up, letting me up with her. “I don‟t know, I, um, well I was thinking that I‟ve been too hard on you.” “Hard on me?” The red on her face darkened and she looked away. “Yeah, I mean, we‟ve been together for a long time now and usually couples do, well, you know, by now. And I thought that I was being unfair to you.” “You‟re right.” Yuki‟s head snapped up, her eyes wide. “Huh?” “You‟re the one who confessed to me and you never let me touch you.” I wasn‟t exactly the subtle type. If someone felt bad, I wasn‟t the one to comfort them. Yuki was still shocked by my openness after all this time. Not that we spent a whole hell of a lot of time together anyway. She slumped on the bed, a deep frown pulling at her lips. “You‟re right, and so was Shizuka-chan.” “Right about what?” I asked confused. “That you don‟t even like me.” “What?” I exclaimed, jumping to my feet. “That‟s ridiculous. Why would I stay with you this long if I didn‟t like you? And without sex.” She blushed again, and I knelt in front of her. “Look, that loudmouth Shizuka-chan told me you were a virgin. I‟m not, haven‟t been in a looong time. But I‟m okay. So don‟t push yourself, okay?” I was shocked at the words coming out of my own mouth. Did I just turn down sex with my girlfriend? What the fuck‟s wrong with me? I guess part of it was the knowledge of Yuki being a virgin. That

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was a big deal to me because of how women respond to the man they first have sex with. I took a girl‟s virginity once; it was a few years back. The relationship wasn‟t good to start with, but she wanted to do it. She thought by having sex, we‟d be closer. Anyway, we fucked and then broke up two weeks later. She was insanely pissed. Said I had to take responsibility for what I had done. She even tried to kill herself. Yuki didn‟t seem like that type, but I didn‟t want to go through that again. Yuki couldn‟t have been any redder. “Thanks, Masaki-kun. You‟re nicer than others give you credit for.” I stopped and thought about it a moment. I guess it‟d been so long since I was this content in body that it made me almost… nice. Any other time, I would have said something outrageously rude to Yuki for being such a prude. But now, now I was okay with her not sleeping with me. I was okay. Was it because of Keigo? There I go being fucking stupid again. No, it‟s not Keigo, dammit. “Masaki-kun?” I blinked up to her, realizing I was staring off into space. “It‟s nothing. Look, I need to get going. I have an early class tomorrow.” That was a lie. I just didn‟t want to be stuck with her all night alone, not having sex. She frowned and I could tell she really was sad for me to leave. “Sure.” She followed closely behind me as I went to the genkan and slipped into my shoes. To my surprise, she leaned into me for a kiss, and I smiled. She gasped softly—probably thinking that I didn‟t smile much—and I took her into my arms, giving her a deep kiss. I was a little disappointed that she didn‟t taste like strawberries. “Night, Yuki-chan.” “I‟ll see you tomorrow?” I stopped outside of the front door and looked over my shoulder. “Sure, see you.” She gave me a beaming smile and I left. I was in a genuine good mood as I headed home. The sad thing, though, was I knew that it wasn‟t Yuki‟s doing. It was the awesome sex I‟d had earlier. And I realized something else. That sex with Keigo was going

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to become addictive if I let it continue. I had a choice to make: to fuck Keigo or not to fuck Keigo….

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KANAME senpai wasn‟t exclusive to me, but still he insisted that I only sleep with him. The thought was outrageous. But somehow he knew that I had been with someone today. That had to be why he demanded to fuck me today without a condom for the first time. Three times. Like a dog marking his territory, he wanted to make me his and only his. My body was on fire, pulsed with negative energy. Even while I was still getting off every time he took me, I hurt. My heart hurt more. Sex with Kaname was rough and wild with him always in control. I liked rough, when I wasn‟t being hurt to the point of tears or bleeding. But Kaname didn‟t know how to have sex without hurting. Masaki, he was a little rough with me, but there was a sort of passion to it, a tenderness that said he cared. Kaname didn‟t understand passion or caring. “Ah! Kaname senpai, please, no more.” The tears welling at the corner of my eyes finally spilled over and I was momentarily blinded. “I can‟t… aaahh….” Kaname‟s deep groan came in my ear, his hot seed into my rear. My own release came seconds later and I thought I might cry in earnest. I feel so dirty. Kaname gave one last deep groan and fell on top of me. Unable to support his heavier weight, I crumpled to the bed with him still buried in my backside. I panted, feeling used and exhausted. I knew he would want more before he was satisfied. But truth was, I really wasn‟t feeling well. I couldn‟t bring myself to give him everything he wanted, demanded. I couldn‟t detach mind from body, for once. He pulled out of me and rolled over. The bed wobbled as he moved around, and then I heard the sound of a lighter click and the

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scent of cherry tobacco filled the room. I took in a deep breath and shut my eyes. The smell always made me think of better days. The days when I knew Kaname not as the masochistic sex fiend, but as an attentive and kind senpai. Looking away from him, unable to bear even seeing his face, I asked softly, “What am I to you, Kaname-sama?” He made a noise that might have been a chuckle as his fingers stroked my back, gathering up the sweat. “You‟re my lover, of course.” I frowned. “No, I‟m not.” “What?” He turned me over. I tried to resist, but I couldn‟t. My eyes were sparkling with fresh tears by the time he got me to my back. “What is the matter with you today? Why are you crying, my sweet?” Looking into his face, I couldn‟t say the words out loud. I couldn‟t tell him that he was slowly killing me. Despite the way he‟s “loved” me over the years, he was still Kaname. The one I admired so. My first love. “No, it‟s nothing.” He scowled at me for a second before turning away to stub out his cigarette and rolling back to me. He touched my face and spread the wetness under my eyes around with a finger. “This doesn‟t look like nothing. Tell me.” I shut my eyes, shaking my head. “It‟s really nothing, Kanamesama. Just kiss me.” He groaned and his weight covered me. Then his lips touched mine and I could imagine he was the old Kaname again. But wait, there‟s another. One who consumed my thoughts until I couldn‟t think of anyone else. Yes, he was brash, cold, and had a harsh tongue, but he was always kind to me. Outwardly, it wouldn‟t look like such, but it was true. I was sure it was true. Oh Masaki, yes, touch me there again. Masaki…. I opened my eyes and gave a small start. Kaname noticed and broke from my lips, looking into my eyes. “Keigo-chan, what‟s wrong? You really aren‟t yourself today. Come now, tell me what you‟re thinking.” “Do you love me?”

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His eyes widened and he sat up. “What?” I scooted out from under his legs and sat up, out of his reach. “It‟s exactly as I said, do you love me?” His mouth was hanging open. It wasn‟t often that Kaname was thrown off and speechless. When he finally gathered himself, he said, “I don‟t understand—” “Why me? I mean.” I shook my head. “What I mean is, why did you sleep with me back then?” He ran a hand over his hair, reached for another cigarette, and sat down hard with a grunt. “Why did I sleep with you? I thought that was clear.” He let out a big puff of smoke and I wrinkled my nose. “Yeah?” I grabbed at the sweat and cum-soaked sheet and wrapped it around me up to my middle. I felt so vulnerable. “Well, treat me like I‟m dumb and tell me clearly.” He shrugged, taking another drag from his cherry cigarette. “Because you love me.” I tensed and tried hard not to frown, much less cry again. What the fuck is wrong with me today, why am I being so sensitive? I knew this already. That he didn‟t really love me. Never had. I was just another warm body, a hole for him to put his cock in. “Who is it this time, Keigo?” I tensed at hearing the sternness and anger in his voice. “What? I don‟t know what you‟re talking about.” “Don‟t fucking lie to me! There‟s fresh marks on your back!” He grabbed me. I gasped, knowing he was crazy angry if he cursed. Kaname never cursed. “Senpai, your cigarette, it‟s burning me.” He pulled a face, but turned away and put out his smoke. When he sat down again, he looked at his lap and sighed heavily. I was always amazed at his skill in going from pissed to calm in seconds. But it more often than not meant deeper trouble. “I know you, Keigochan. You may think I don‟t, that I haven‟t been paying attention to you all of these years. But I have.” He looked up, meeting my gaze. I instantly tensed and wished I hadn‟t. “I know you better than you do.” “That‟s—”

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He reached out and grabbed my face with both hands. Kaname was so warm and familiar, it was hard to deny him. “It is true.” He kissed me then. It was the tenderest kiss he had given, except for that first one so long ago. I knew it was only a lie. “I know you and I know you‟ve been seeing someone else again. Who is it now? Another man, a woman this time?” “It‟s no one.” “Come on, I won‟t be angry.” I frowned at him. I knew better. He would treat me nice and loving until I cracked, and then scare off my new lover. If it was a woman, he played mind games with her until she left, crying and neurotic. With men, he would threaten them and, if need be, beat them until they bled, maybe even have one of his lackeys take care of them. Trouble was, Masaki was a better fighter than Kaname or any of his underlings. Despite Kaname‟s height over him, Masaki could really hurt Kaname, he was that good. Kaname might actually try to kill him. “No.” Kaname blinked in shock. I had never refused him anything in all our time together. Nothing. “What did you just say?” I straightened my back, sitting upright. I figured I should look surer than I felt. “I said no. You said that you know me better than I know myself. Well, that may be true, but I also know you, senpai. I know what you do to all of my lovers.” I climbed off the bed and away from him. “I‟ve kept my mouth shut because I do love you. Oh God, it‟s so stupid of me to love you like I do, but not this time. I‟m not letting you scare this one off.” “Yare yare, look at the balls on you. I didn‟t think you had it in you.” My hands fisted at my side. Even standing before him completely nude, his seed leaking down my legs, cold and slick, I felt good, confident. “Had what in me?” “To talk back to me.” He smiled and stood up off the bed. “I‟m impressed.” I crossed my arms. “Am I supposed to say thank you?”

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“Oh no,” he said, starting to dress. “Because you‟ll be begging me for forgiveness when I found out who‟s distracted you from me this time. I won‟t let anyone steal you from me, Keigo. You‟re mine, you‟ve always been mine.” “If I‟m yours, then what about Izumi?” “What about her?” “You‟re going to marry her.” He laughed and put his back to me as he fixed his tie. “You both are mine. Izumi will be my wife and you will be my mistress.” I furrowed my brow, feeling more angry than upset in that moment. “I‟ve known you a long time, Kaname-sama. But never had I realized how completely selfish you are. You‟re a beast.” He turned slowly and came to me. He took my chin into his hand, our lips inches apart. A dark smile came over him that made my skin run cold. “You don‟t know me like you think you do.” He gave me one last, soft kiss, his eyes locked on mine the entire time, and then left without another word. It wasn‟t until I heard the front door shut that I crumpled to the floor, into myself, and wailed like a baby.

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“OH YAY, it‟s Masaki-kun!” I looked up from my book and scowled. “Akatsuki-san.” I hadn‟t been sure how I was going to react the next time I saw him. Or how he was going to react to me. Kissing was one thing, but we had gotten naked and done some very intimate stuff together. Strangely, it didn‟t matter. It didn‟t change the way we acted: me, a little on the grumpy side; Keigo, overly cheery and annoyingly sarcastic. “Aw, don‟t look so down. I thought we were friends. And I told you to call me by my given name already, Masaki-kun. You‟re so hard on a guy.” I shifted position against the railing I was leaning against, blinked at him for a moment, and then answered, “Yeah, I guess we are friends, huh?” “Of course we are!” His smile broadened and he came to me, stopping close. Too close. “Besides, after that fantastic session the other day, I‟d say at minimum we‟re friends, Masaki.” I put a hand in the middle of his chest and pushed him back gently. “Back off.” “Fine, fine,” he said, waving a hand at me. “Don‟t need to be so touchy. I can behave.” I almost laughed. Yeah, right. I knew him well enough to know that behaving was not in his nature. “What‟re you doing?” He turned and gave me a mock-surprised look. “I came to have lunch with my friend.” I plopped down onto the ground against the retaining wall. “Right,” I mumbled and tucked my book back into my pack. Keigo sat down next to me, a little too close, and started to unpack his bento. It looked good and I wondered if he made it himself. All I had was a 58

stupid tuna sandwich and Doritos. I didn‟t even remember to bring a drink. “Ne, Masaki-kun?” “Hm?” “Wanna go out to eat?” I looked up, frowning. “What?” Keigo laughed. “Food? You don‟t look too excited about your sandwich there.” He closed his bento and jumped to his feet. “Come on, I know a great place.” I groaned, rolling my eyes. “Akatsuki….” “Oh come on, don‟t be such a grump. We don‟t have afternoon class today anyway.” “I guess that‟s true.” I sighed and put my lunch back into my bag. I really didn‟t want it anyway. “Fine, let‟s go.” Keigo put on a dazzling smile and together we started off to wherever he was taking me. I shuffled along behind him, hands deep in pockets. Keigo did all the talking; I don‟t know that I could have said anything even if I wanted to. I wondered sometimes if he really loved the sound of his voice, he talked so damn much. We stopped outside of a traditional izakaya. “This it?” I asked, looking at the sign out front that boasted about their sake. “Yep. Come on, let‟s see if they have a room available.” I raised an eyebrow, curious, and followed him in. A girl wearing a purple kimono greeted us with a deep bow. I thought she was pretty cute and offered her a wink when she glanced my way. Her cheeks instantly went pink and she spun away to take us to our seats. Keigo turned and gave me a curious look before following after her. We were escorted to a private room. The waitress took our orders and left, shutting the shoji screen behind her. We were completely private now. Keigo grinned at me from across the table. I frowned at him, crossing my arms over my chest. I had a bad feeling about this. It wasn‟t that I was uncomfortable with him; we‟d hung out plenty of times before. But this was the first time he had that look on his face. Keigo was up to something.

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His mouth was on the move again. I wasn‟t really sure of what he was saying. I was too busy thinking about how fucking hungry I was. A few minutes later the waitress returned with dumplings and sake. My stomach growled and I started to shove food into my mouth. Keigo laughed, startling me. I looked up to find him watching me in a sort of awe. “Wow, Masaki-kun, didn‟t know you were so unrefined.” “I‟m fucking hungry,” I mumbled around a mouthful of dumpling. Keigo laughed again and I smiled. The rest of our meal arrived and we fell into normal conversation. Normal conversation meant Keigo did most of the talking. But that was okay, I was comfortable with him filling the silence. I didn‟t have much to say. I preferred to keep to myself. “Maasaaaki-kun. You‟re not talking.” I finished off the last of my drink, my third tokkuri, and put my cup down, looking at him. Somehow, Keigo actually managed to talk more when he was drunk. And drunk he was. He‟d had a lot more than I did, and it was definitely showing. “Mattaku, you talk enough for three people, Akatsuki.” He laughed, almost falling over. “True enough.” “What‟re you doing?” Keigo was on his hands and knees, and coming my way with a big, goofy grin. I watched suspiciously as he maneuvered his way behind me and plopped down. “Akatsuki?” He scooted up close behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. Even through my shirt they felt like they were on fire. “You need to relax, Masaki-kun. You‟re so tense.” I shrugged my shoulders, dislodging his hold. “Get off me.” He grabbed me again. I opened my mouth, ready to complain, but stopped when his thumbs dug deep into my shoulders. “Ohhh,” I moaned before I could stop it. He was good, surprisingly good. I let out a deep sigh and shut my eyes. “Hmm,” Keigo hummed behind me, lowering his lips to my neck. “I think Masaki-kun likes that.” “Akatsuki,” I groaned, but made no attempt to move away.

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A chuckle came out warm across my neck, and I had to stifle a shiver. He kissed the skin below my ear. I was having a hard time ignoring the way my body reacted to him. I couldn‟t deny that his touch was arousing, knowing how he could make me feel. There was a noise, the sound of a shoji being opened, and then a petite voice. “Can I get you anything els—oh my. Excuse me.” I snapped to attention and looked up to find our waitress blushing a deep shade of red as she tried to retreat from our room. I was too stunned to react. Keigo chuckled in my ear. “Wait, can we have two more sake, please?” The girl refused to look at us, instead staring down at her feet. “Yes, of course, right away.” Keigo chuckled again as the shoji screen shut and kissed my neck. “Come on, Akatsuki.” “What? I thought you were enjoying it.” I sighed and rested my head back against his shoulder. “Yeah, yeah I was.” I paused and then added, “You kind of freaked her out.” “She was hot for it,” he said against my neck. “We both like women. When she gets back she can watch if she wants.” I burst into laughter. “You perv,” I managed through my laughter. Keigo mirrored my laugh, wrapping his arms around my chest. “You‟re drunk.” He giggled. “Probably.” I knew I was right. I could smell the alcohol on him over my own. I knew from past experience that he didn‟t hold his alcohol well, but I‟d never seen him have this much. Who was I to stop him? A small voice called out, and then the shoji opened. I couldn‟t help but smile, watching our waitress look totally embarrassed and try to navigate to the table without looking up. Keigo‟s hands went to my shoulders again and started to move. I didn‟t care anymore that we were being weird in public. Maybe it was the alcohol. Whatever it was, I couldn‟t deny the feel of his hands massaging my muscles, the caress of his hot breath on my neck. “Thank you,” Keigo said teasingly as the girl left.

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I sighed, sinking back against his chest. “She won‟t be back anytime soon.” “Oh yeah, you think?” Keigo hugged me from behind. “Pity, she was cute.” I laughed. “She was,” I agreed. He started to kiss my neck in earnest, covering me in damp, warm spots that smelled of sweet sake. I sighed, resting my full weight against him. “Ne,” I said softly. “This is why you wanted a private dining room, isn‟t it?” I felt him smile against my neck. “What do you mean, Masakikun?” “Mattaku, you really are a perv. Getting a private room just to molest me.” “I do what I can.” “Bet you bring all your toys here to molest.” He chuckled. “Nope, only the ones I really, really like, Masakikun.” I frowned, trying to understand what he meant, but he distracted me. His hands started to rove over my chest. And then a hand was up under my chin and turning my head to the side. I didn‟t resist as he guided my lips to his over my shoulder. I wanted that kiss. I didn‟t want him to stop. As our kiss grew more urgent, so did his hands. One found its way under my shirt, his fingers going for my right nipple. The other hand found my groin and started to massage through my pants. I was just thinking about turning around to face him when I realized, quite suddenly, that his hands were inside my jeans, under my boxers. I couldn‟t even remember him unzipping my pants or letting go of my nipple. “Hah, Akatsuki….” I knew we shouldn‟t be doing this, not in a public place. Or at all. But I couldn‟t say no. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted to feel his lips and hands on my body. I wanted to push myself inside him again and pound against him until he cried out, shuddering under me.

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Keigo pulled my dick from my underwear and started to stroke me up and down, nice and slow. His next words came out in a lusty whisper against my neck. “Is this how you jerk off?” “Mmm,” I moaned and covered his hands with mine. “More like this.” I tightened my hold over his hands, making him grip me harder, and moved up and down with more force. “Ooooh,” he drawled out, his damp lips brushing my ear, “that‟s hot. You really give it your all.” “Ye… hah, yeah.” My whole body pulsed with energy. The thought of him jerking me off made me harder, made me nearly come. “Hah, Keigo….” I spun and grabbed Keigo, laying him out flat on the floor under me. I kissed him hard, burying my tongue deep into his mouth. He groped around my backside, urging my hips to thrust into him, and I could feel him hard against me. “Masaki,” he whispered when our lips parted. I gave a deep groan and stood, lifting him to his feet with me. He looked confused for only a moment as I took two big steps forward, and then I pressed him hard into the back wall. He moaned, leaning forward for a kiss. I stopped him, grabbing the side of his face with both hands. We both stopped then, staring at each other like time was suspended and there was nothing but us. I couldn‟t tell what he was thinking. And what I was thinking was confused thoughts about him being a man and me having a girlfriend that I was technically cheating on. Deciding that I didn‟t care at that moment, I kissed him deep and hard. Keigo responded, feeding hungrily at my mouth. I reached for his waist. He didn‟t seem to notice much when I unzipped his jeans until my hands were inside, slipping to his ass. His cheeks flexed in my palms for a second, and then his hips rocked forward. Without any hesitation, I parted his ass with both hands and slipped a finger into him. He moaned loudly. I swallowed the noise, conscious still that we were in public and within earshot of others. His hips kept rocking against me and I couldn‟t take it anymore. “Keigo,” I muttered against his lips. “Can I fuck you?” 63

Keigo answered with a strained, “Yes.” I flipped him around. By the time I pulled myself from my boxers, his own were down around his ankles. I took a moment to look at him, pinned under me, hot for me and his ass bared for impaling. “So hot,” I whispered and fell onto him. He lifted his ass, begging me. I licked my right palm, wetting it thoroughly and then gave myself two good strokes. I knew it would hurt if I didn‟t add some sort of lubrication and I didn‟t want to wait anymore. I needed to fuck him now. “Hurry,” Keigo whispered, cheek pressed against the wall. I gave a deep groan as I started to work myself into him. My saliva wasn‟t enough and the entry wasn‟t as smooth as last time. Keigo wiggled and squirmed under me, trying to help the process along. At some point he managed to slip his right ankle out of his pants and spread his legs a little more, trying to give me a better angle. I finally managed to fully sheathe myself inside him. “All in.” Keigo nodded a little too quickly. He pressed his cheek against the wall again, looking delirious, and whimpered, “Hurry, Masaki. Don‟t make me ask again.” I spared a quick thought that he said the sexiest things and then started to move in and out of him. Keigo rocked with me and we fell into a synched rhythm, both grunting with the effort. I was sure someone would discover us at any moment, but I didn‟t give a shit. They could stay and watch for all I cared. “Ah, Masaki!” Keigo cried out a little too loudly. “Shhh….” I whispered against his hair, just behind his ear, and then took in a deep breath of his scent. Despite the fact that he smoked sometimes, Keigo always smelled so good, like something floral and sweet. I quickly covered his mouth with my hand to keep him quiet. Seconds later my fingers were in his mouth, being rolled around by his hot tongue. He moved under me and managed to lift his knee, pinning it between his chest and the wall. I groaned into his neck and adjusted my position, pushing into him deeper. Keigo suddenly gasped around my fingers, tensing and tightening around me. The sensation sent me over the edge and I

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spilled into him. Spent, I collapsed on top of him, pinning him between me and the wall with nowhere to go. After I mostly caught my breath, I opened my eyes. Keigo was looking straight at me from inches away. He smiled warmly and kissed me softly the best he could from over his shoulder. I pulled out of him, making him wiggle and whimper softly, and sat down with my back to the wall we had just fucked against. Keigo slipped down next to me and rested his head on my shoulder. “Mmm, that was fun.” He sounded even drunker, slurring half his words. “Yeah,” I said. “Felt fucking good.” Keigo chuckled and I felt his weight shift as he relaxed completely against me. “You always say the prettiest things.” I rolled my eyes, but couldn‟t help but smile. After a few moments of silence I turned to look at Keigo. “Hey….” I stopped, realizing he was asleep. “Really?” I sighed heavily and brushed the hair from his face. He looked so peaceful and calm, almost innocent in that moment. “Guess it‟s up to me to save you.”

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I DON‟T know what time it was when I woke, but it was pitch-black. I blinked a few times slowly, trying to remember what was going on. Last I remembered, I was eating with Masaki. And drinking. Crap, I drank a lot. And then… oh. We fucked in that private room. Oh man. I’m getting out of hand… wait. Where am I? I sat up abruptly. I instantly realized where I was. Home. I couldn‟t remember how, but I was home. I sighed and fell back onto the pillow with a hand to my head. My head was killing me. Definitely drank too much. After I managed to get over a bout of sudden nausea, I climbed out of bed and shambled off toward the kitchen. I was wearing only my boxers, and for the life of me couldn‟t remember getting undressed for bed. Or, you know, getting home. Oh geez, I hope I undressed after I got home. I was halfway to the kitchen when I realized I had cleaned up too. I was sure I‟d had sex with Masaki, but I didn‟t feel wet. If I was that drunk, how did I clean up? Or find fresh underpants to put on, because I definitely wasn‟t wearing boxer briefs this morning. Looking at the refrigerator light was like looking into the sun. I groaned and fumbled around until I found the pitcher of tea and poured myself a tall glass. Halfway down, the tea decided to come back up. I barely made it to the sink. When I was done puking, I put the tea away, deciding I‟d had enough. Since I was already up, I figured I should check the front door. It wouldn‟t have been the first time I came home, didn‟t remember how I got there, and left the front door open. I slipped on the step in the genkan and fell to my ass on the ledge, bumping my elbow against the wall.

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“Ow,” I groaned. “Fuck me.” “What the shit is going on?” I jumped and turned. I had to brush the hair from my face to see. Masaki was standing behind me in nothing but his jeans, the top button undone, hanging low on his hips. He looked half awake, scratching at his wild mop of blond hair. I had to suppress a groan. He looked totally irresistible. “I- I was just… um, what‟s going on?” “Baka,” he sighed. “You passed out. Someone had to save your drunk ass.” I sat for a minute, trying to recall the night again. I knew I was out with Masaki. I remembered drinking too much, but I was having a great time. I also remember touching Masaki. We had sex, I was sure of it, but it didn‟t seem like Masaki to clean me up like that. “Did, did we….” I sighed and shook my head. There was no point in asking. “Nothing. Thanks, Masaki-kun.” Masaki made a disapproving harrumph and held his hand out to me. “All right, come on, you lightweight. Let‟s get you back to bed.” I smiled as Masaki helped me to my feet. “Oooh, is Masaki-kun coming to bed with me?” He let me lean into him, clutching at his arm while we moved toward my bedroom. “Don‟t be stupid, Akatsuki.” I couldn‟t help but grin to myself. I knew that Masaki cared, even if he tried hard to act like he didn‟t. We stumbled through the dark to my bedroom. When we reached my bed, I collapsed on top with a deep sigh. There was just enough light coming from the open door for me to see Masaki watching me. Without a word he turned to leave. I reached out and grabbed his arm. “Masaki,” I said softly. He turned back to me. “What?” “You can stay in here if you want. My bed‟s big enough for three.” His face screwed up into a dirty look. “I‟ll just bet it is. No, the sofa‟s fine.”

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He tried to turn away but I held tight. He huffed and turned to me again. I offered him a big grin. “Can you at least tuck me in?” He groaned heavily and I think even rolled his eyes, but he bent down and started to pull the comforter over me. He worked silently, covering me up to my chin. When he was done, he stood and asked, “Happy?” “Almost.” I pulled a hand out from under the blanket and pointed at my mouth. “I need a good-night kiss.” A single brow went high as he studied me. I figured I had a fifty-fifty chance of getting my kiss. Or a punch to the face and a fat lip. Finally Masaki gave a deep groan and leaned down. My breath caught when he stopped inches from my face and looked into my eyes. “Good night, Keigo-kun,” he whispered and then kissed me gently. I couldn‟t have been happier.

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THE sun was bright and hot. My sunglasses helped, but my head still hurt. I hadn‟t had as much to drink as Keigo, but I was still feeling it. When I reached the top step to our meeting place, I saw him. Even from behind he looked like hell. He was slumped over the railing, looking like he was ready to collapse. His hair wasn‟t pulled back into his normal hair tie, but was free and flowing, looking as smooth as always. There was a cigarette on the ground at his feet that looked like he‟d lit it and then immediately decided he didn‟t want it. “That‟s what you get for drinking so much,” I said. Keigo slowly turned. His complexion was pale and sallow behind the sunglasses he had on. It was the first time I‟d ever seen him wear them. It was also the first time he‟d greeted me with a frown. “Wow, you look like shit, Akatsuki.” He grumbled something in return I didn‟t understand and slipped to the ground against the railing that had just been holding him up. I went and sat next to him. “Seriously, are you okay?” “Yeah,” he sighed. “I‟ll live. Hey, thanks again for taking me home last night.” “Yeah, sure.” It was the least I could do. After we fucked and he passed out on me, I thought that he looked too innocent and vulnerable to leave. So, I redressed him properly, paid the bill—which was pretty hefty, with all of Keigo‟s drinks—and toted him off home. Thankfully, I knew the way, otherwise I would have had to drag him all the way to my place, more than thirty minutes away. When I finally got him home, I felt a little guilty leaving him alone. As I was undressing him for bed, I noticed that he was leaking, and that was my fault. I cleaned him up, changed his clothes, and put

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him to bed. I was going to leave, head home. I really was. But by the time I was done with Keigo, I was just so damn tired that I decided to crash on the leather sofa. The sofa was comfortable enough, but hot as hell. I kept waking up, and then when I heard a noise in the genkan, I found Keigo. He was sitting on the floor, looking completely lost but somehow cute. I thought maybe he was still drunk and wandering the apartment aimlessly. It was up to me to save him again. I dragged him off to bed, tucked him in and gave him a good-night kiss. While I pretended to be annoyed at the time, I really wasn‟t. Somehow, it felt normal doing that for him. I really did want to stay there in the bed with him. It would have been more comfortable then the sofa anyway. But I wanted to sleep, and Keigo always had molesting me on his mind whenever I was close enough. At dawn I slipped out and went home, after I made sure he was sleeping soundly, and caught another hour of sleep before I had to get to school. Next to me, Keigo let out a heavy sigh and rested his head on my shoulder. I didn‟t shrug him off, because it didn‟t bother me. And the chances of anyone coming up here and seeing us was so slim that I didn‟t really care. As he dozed on my shoulder, I decided to read my book. I pulled it out and rested it in my lap without disturbing Keigo, who I was sure was asleep already. I had been reading for almost ten minutes when he stirred. “What‟s that?” he asked in a raspy voice. I cleared my throat, pulling the book against me as if to shield it. “Nothing, just a book.” Keigo made a noise like he didn‟t believe me. I knew he had been curious about it before. He even knew what it was, seeing as he had read the title that day I forgot it. I sighed heavily, shutting the cover. “Just ask already.” He looked up and tried to put on a surprised expression that didn‟t fool me. He looked too tired to pull off anything else. “What are you talking about?” I busied myself with looking in my bag for the strawberries and the sandwich I‟d packed this morning. “It was a gift.”

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“What, pray tell?” My sandwich was smashed to shit. Annoyed, I threw it to the ground next to me. I didn‟t really want to eat it anyway. “Fine, be a fucking prick, see if I tell you anything.” Keigo gripped at my bicep, his cheek pressed into my shoulder. Around his sunglasses I could see him blinking innocently at me. “I‟m sorry. Please tell onii-chan. I promise I‟ll be good.” He was actually giving me the puppy-dog-eye look. I always thought a man doing that would look ridiculous, but Keigo made it cute. Despite being a guy, I thought he was pretty attractive in a sort of androgynous way. “It was from my mother.” “Where is she?” he asked softly. “Dead.” Keigo was quiet and I looked up to find his face drawn in sorrow. I looked away, feeling a sudden sting at the back of my eyes at his sincere compassion for a woman he never knew. I was only sensitive when it came to Mom. I knew I‟d be lucky to say much of anything without tearing up. I finally found my strawberries and pulled them out of my bag. “She, uh, she had cancer. She struggled for years against it and in the end the sickness won.” Keigo squeezed my arm gently. “I‟m so sor—” “Please.” I looked up, meeting his eyes over his glasses. “Don‟t.” I licked my lips and looked away. “I know. It‟s okay, okay?” “You loved her a lot.” “Of course I did. She was all I had.” “Your father?” I bit into a strawberry. When I was done chewing, I answered, “They separated when I was little. I stayed with Mom. Dad moved away, remarried. Forgot about us.” I ate the rest of the strawberry. “He never even came back when I told him Mom was sick. He did nothing, just watched her die from afar.” We fell into silence for a while and I ate a few more strawberries. Keigo sat up and pushed his sunglasses into his hair. I don‟t know why I was telling Keigo all this, only that, despite the fact

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that he talked enough for two sometimes, when he listened he really listened. He listened like he cared. He was engrossed by my every word. He may have acted a little airheaded, but he was far keener than he wanted you to believe. He saw everything. “I was pretty young still when she got sick, but I was the one who took care of her. She spent the last year of her life in special care. I went to her every day and read to her. She surprised me one day with this book.” I touched the cover with my palm. It was warm and soft under my hand. “Shakespeare was her favorite author, but she didn‟t buy the book for me to read to her; she bought it for me. She wanted me to have it, the one thing that made her happy in life, besides me, she said. It was to remember her by. That was almost five years ago.” I fell silent, staring down at the book imprinted with gold letters. The inside cover was signed in Mom‟s fancy, cursive handwriting in English. I read the inscription every time I opened the book—I didn‟t need to open it now to know every carefully written word. “Thank you.” Startled, I looked up. Keigo smiled softly, tilting his head toward me, and said, “For sharing. I know how personal that was for you. Thank you for sharing.” He was very close to me and I was sure he wanted to kiss me in that moment. Unlike earlier, when he was just using me to sleep against, I felt instantly uncomfortable. I was okay with physical intimacy; it was emotional intimacy that felt awkward. He wanted to kiss me and it had nothing to do with physical want. I looked away quickly, swiping a hand across my nose. “Want a strawberry?” Keigo held out his hand. “Sure, thanks.” I dropped the whole bag into his hand and he took two out before giving them back to me. We spent the rest of our time in silence. But it was a content, comfortable silence. I wondered about Keigo, what made him, him. He was always cheery and outgoing. He probably never had any real tragedy in his life, nothing like your parents separating and then your mother dying. Then, I wondered why he was even interested in me as a friend. I guess we were more alike

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than Yuki and I. I frowned, realizing I was comparing the guy to my girlfriend. There was something seriously wrong going on in my head. “You going to afternoon class today?” I thought about it a moment. It was a literature, my best subject. I didn‟t have to show up to pass that one, just show up for tests and I‟d pass. “No. That class is a joke. Sensei doesn‟t know half of the material that we are discussing.” “Masaki-kun is really smart, huh?” “What?” I snapped, looking at Keigo like he had a kitten giving birth on his head. He grinned, but it looked forced. He really did look like hell today. “You hide it behind your bad attitude, but you‟re really smart.” “I don‟t know what the fuck you‟re saying,” I answered and stood. “You‟re so full of shit sometimes, Akatsuki-san, that I half expect it to come out of your ears and mouth.” He laughed and stood, looking a little unsteady on his feet. “You have such a way with words for someone who reads Shakespeare. Oh, what‟s your favorite play?” “None of your damn business,” I mumbled. “Hey, wait up. No need to be so grumpy, we were having a good time.” He fell into stride with me, brushing against my arm. “Where are you going?” It was amazing to me that he still looked like hell but managed to revert to his normal cheeriness. I heaved a deep sigh as we started down the steps. “Don‟t know.” “Not seeing your girlfriend today?” he asked. I glanced at him, hearing something in his voice. Normally he was easy to read, he wore his emotions clearly. But right then, I couldn‟t tell what he was thinking. “No, we were going to meet up but she said she had a dinner thing with her onii-chan today.” I shoved my hands into my pockets. “I‟ve got the night all to myself.” “I see,” Keigo answered softly. “I have an idea.” I looked up, hearing the pleased tone of his voice. He was smiling devilishly and he almost looked like the Keigo I knew, just paler. He shoved his

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sunglasses into his pocket. “How about you come to my place and watch that movie you wanted to see?” I eyed him for a moment, wondering what he was thinking. Thing was, I had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking. He wanted to get me into bed again. The problem was, I knew that when things got down to it, I would say yes again. It‟s always easier to say yes to something you‟ve done once—or twice—already. Sex with Keigo was good. That in itself was dangerous. I sighed heavily. “Sure, let‟s go.” He grinned broadly but then came to a sudden stop, his grin instantly gone in the wake of a deep frown. “Akatsuki?” I looked in the direction he was staring to find a man standing at the bottom of the steps, watching us come down. I had always thought Keigo was freakishly tall for a Japanese man, but this guy somehow managed to be even taller. He was lean but fit, with a short, businessstyle haircut, wearing dress slacks, shirt, and tie. I didn‟t like the look of him one bit. Something about him screamed bad fucking news. Beside me, I heard Keigo take in a sharp breath and whisper, “Kaname.” He cleared his throat and said more clearly, “Wha—what are you doing here?” The man, Kaname apparently, chuckled softly. I liked him even less. “My, is that a way to greet your senpai?” Senpai? I frowned, thinking he looked familiar. Not liking the way he was smiling at Keigo, I moved forward, shielding him. Keigo obviously knew the guy, but he upset him and I was the protective type. Kaname‟s dark eyes fell on me. “You‟re Keigo-chan‟s friend?” “Yeah. Uchida Masaki.” “Nice to meet you” would have been polite. But I don‟t do polite, especially when I don‟t like the person. “Uchida-san,” he said giving me a look that would have made Hitler think twice about mass genocide. I liked him even less. There was something dark and nefarious about the guy, I just couldn‟t put my finger on it. “Listen, Kanamesan was it? We‟re busy. Akatsuki will call you later.”

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“Are you his keeper?” Kaname stepped closer until I could feel his breath on me. He smelled like cherries and expensive cologne. “Or are you the one he‟s sleeping with now?” I was taken aback. “What the fuck, man. What is your fucking problem—” “Uchida-san,” Keigo said forcefully, drawing my gaze to him. He touched my arm and I realized I had my fists balled, ready to punch. Kaname made a rude noise. “No need to be foulmouthed, Uchida-san. It‟s rude and we‟re reasonable adults here.” I never bothered to look at Kaname as he tried to chide me like a child, laughter in his voice. I really, really wanted to deck the asshole. Keigo looked troubled as he licked his lips slowly and said, “Uchidasan, I need to talk to Kaname-sama alone. I‟ll call you. Okay?” I knew there was something wrong if he called me Uchida. Not even the first time we met would he call me by my family name. He said he was a personal kind of guy and liked to call people their given names. Staring at Keigo, I screwed up my mouth, not liking the situation. If he was willing to go with the smug bastard, I wasn‟t going to stop him. “Fine, whatever,” I said and pushed past Kaname, bumping his shoulder. “You two play nice.” I gave them one final wave over my shoulder and left.

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MASAKI‟S broad back was all I could see as he walked away, hands deep in his pockets. In that instant all I could think was, “No, come back. Masaki-kun, save me!” But the words wouldn‟t come. I stood frozen in the face of my foe, a man I loved as much as I hated. I felt like I was going to be sick. I wetted my lips. “What do you want?” Kaname came up to me, brushing the front of his body against mine. “That‟s rude. How about you make it up to me with a sexy kiss?” “Here?” I asked, looking around. We were more visible at the bottom of the steps. The roof was almost unseen, except from one place. And while I didn‟t mind kissing in public, Kaname made me nervous. He would want more than an innocent kiss. He‟d want more than I‟d want others to see. His voice came out low and dark. “We could always go to your place. I have a little time before I have to meet my family for dinner.” “Well,” I said trying to gather myself, “I had plans with Masa— I mean, Uchida-san.” Not to mention I still felt like crap. Kaname only made me feel worse. His face shifted into anger. “So it is him.” I must have made some involuntary reaction, because Kaname grabbed both of my arms. “I told you to stop sleeping around, Keigo. How many times do we have to go over this? Do I need to take you with me everywhere I go? To lock you up in my home? Because I will if it keeps you faithful!” I slapped his arms away. It was hard to be defiant against senpai, but I kept thinking about our time together, the years between us and life now. As time went on, I was becoming more and more angry with

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senpai. Thoughts of Masaki‟s strength helped fuel my own. I wanted so much to be the strong type. I wanted to be like Masaki. Strong. “You don‟t own me.” “Oh? And who told you that fairytale, your new fuck toy? Uchida-san?” I bit into my lip, realizing I‟d really stepped into it. Kaname was getting angry. First came the cursing. Next would be hitting. Unfortunately for me, he hated cursing and loved hitting. But I knew I had to stand up for myself sometime. “No. I say so.” “My,” Kaname said, running a finger down my cheek. “Your new pet has made you rather forthright. Now that I‟ve met him, I know what my enemy looks like. Doesn‟t seem your type.” I cursed myself for being caught with Masaki, but it was unavoidable. “How would you know my type?” I was starting to waver and Kaname knew it. He could smell the fear on me like a predator. He was truly a beast. “Because I‟m your type. And that man, Uchida, he‟s nothing like me. He‟s a wild dog.” “You don‟t know Masaki at all. And you don‟t know me!” I moved to slap him, but he caught my wrist before I made contact. “You dare speak out against me, twice. And then you try to hit me? You need to be shown your place.” I tensed, knowing immediately what he meant. “No, senpai, please no.” He snarled into my face, gripping my wrist hard enough to hurt. “You need to beg harder, my sweet.” He turned and stomped across the campus with me in tow. When we reached the entrance for building two, he took a sharp right and went straight into the toilets. Classes were in session, so the restroom was empty. Kaname dragged me to the last stall and shoved me inside. I gasped, falling into the back wall, almost putting my knee into the toilet. “Senpai, please, not here.” “Yes,” he hissed into my ear as he grabbed a fistful of my hair with one hand. The other grabbed me roughly through my pants. “Here.”

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I whimpered, falling into his arms when he jerked me backward to his chest. I couldn‟t deny the power Kaname had over me. My body loved his touch more than my mind did. My body wanted what he had to offer even if, in my head, I was begging to be released. Kaname leaned forward, making me put a hand out to hold us both up or have us tumble to the stall floor. “You reek of stale alcohol. Is that what you and your new friend did last night? Got drunk and had sex?” “No,” I whimpered. “I drank alone.” He laughed coldly. “You have always been a poor liar, my sweet.” He was rough as he ripped open the front of my pants. They dropped to the floor and he shoved his hands inside my underwear so that they slipped down my ass. I could do nothing as a hand started to jerk on me, rough enough to make me wince even as I hardened. Behind me, I felt him moving against my ass, opening his belt and pants. I whimpered loudly again, but it was a defeated whimper. My will was losing to my body. “Shhh,” he whispered into my ear, a hand going to my mouth. “Someone may hear. I couldn‟t bear for others to hear that sexy voice of yours.” His fingers slipped into my mouth. I was forced to suck on them to keep from choking on my own saliva. Kaname groaned into my ear, rubbing his crotch against my ass. He still had on his underwear from the feel of it and would have to give up either my mouth or crotch to finish undressing. Kaname‟s hand tightened around my cock before releasing me. “Turn around.” I did and he took a step back until his back met the stall door. “Good boy. Now, remove my underpants.” I knew where this was going and lowered myself to my knees, hoping to save myself from being hit. I looked up and saw him grinning devilishly at me. I looked away, unable to watch him as I pulled his underwear down, exposing his erection. “Put it in your mouth.”

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I sighed to myself, thinking, that’s what I’m doing, and shut my eyes as I took him into my mouth. I tried to imagine he was Masaki, but it was no good. The differences weren‟t big. Masaki was larger than Kaname, but not enough that I couldn‟t pretend. It was the taste that I couldn‟t get past. Cock tastes like cock, but Masaki had a slightly sweet taste to him. I liked the way Masaki tasted. Kaname, his flavor was sour. Like his soul. “That‟s enough. Now get up. Turn around.” I did was I was told and stood, turning my back to him. “Hands against the wall and if you move them, I will bind them.” I suppressed a frightened noise and I leaned forward, putting my palms against the cold tile. Behind me Kaname made a satisfied noise, and then his fingers hooked into my mouth. I gagged when he shoved them in too far. He slipped himself hard between my butt cheeks, rubbing against me. “Shh, my sweet. I‟ll make you feel good.” He rested his weight on me so that I had to support us both again. “Such a good boy. This is how you should always be, my sweet, in my arms.” He withdrew his fingers from my mouth, and then they were being shoved into me from behind. I cried out and immediately bit into my lip to keep the noise in. My arms started to tremble from holding up Kaname‟s weight at the bad angle. I was going to give soon and either crumble into oblivion or die. Either way, Kaname owned me. I am Kaname’s puppet. “This is how I tame my sweet, sweet Keigo. This is how I make my sweet Keigo remember who he belongs to.” He licked my ear and then pushed himself into my ass. I cried out. But it was not in pleasure. I wasn‟t ready for the forceful entry and I felt every inch of him burn into me. “Senpai, ah, please… go slower.” He let out a deep groan that made my skin run cold, and then he started to work in and out of me. Kaname wasn‟t gentle and tender. I knew he wouldn‟t be, but I thought that once, just once, he might treat me like he really loved me. I was always wrong, and every time he took me, another piece of me died. The Keigo I once was, before Kaname “loved” me, was almost gone. No more was the innocent boy,

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cheerful, trusting, and ambitious, that fell in love with his senpai. No more was the boy who craved the attention of one. No more was the idiot child who gave up his very soul for something he now wishes was only a bad dream. One he can‟t wake from. Kaname came quick and hard, groaning and shuddering against me as he clutched at my cock. His teeth suddenly clamped down onto my shoulder and I cried out, surprised and overwhelmed. Even through the cloth, I was sure he broke skin. That pain pushed me over the threshold and I came into Kaname‟s hand. I was ashamed of that, that the pain made me come. I was ashamed that I let him have me again. I knew I needed to change. I knew I had to get away from him. Change was just so hard. “Fantastic as always, my sweet,” Kaname whispered into my ear and I couldn‟t help but shudder. He saw this and laughed, making me shudder again, only for a very different reason. “You have the best reactions. Ah, if only Izumi would react as you do…. Perhaps I should make you my wife.” He pulled out of me. I hung my head between my arms. I just wanted him to leave. I wanted him to go so that I didn‟t have to see that look in his eyes. That look of victory over me. Kaname made a noise behind me and I gave into curiosity and looked over my shoulder. He was licking my cum from his fingers, those cold, dark eyes locked with mine. I frowned and looked away. “Now, I must go. My family is probably waiting for me. I mustn‟t keep them.” He came up behind me, touching all of his body to mine, and kissed me on the cheek. “Until next time, my sweet.” I stayed exactly how I was, listening to the sounds of his footsteps. His footsteps stopped, the water came on, went off again, more footsteps. It wasn‟t until the door gave an audible click as it shut that I breathed again, realizing I had been holding my breath since he left the stall. “Goddammit!” I slammed my fist into the wall and cringed, having hit it harder than I expected. I cleaned up—the best I could in a public restroom—and redressed. When I went to the mirror, I was disgusted by the man looking back at me. I wanted to shake him, to scream in his face about how fucking pathetic he was.

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“Dad was right,” I muttered to myself. “You are a disgrace.”

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THERE was something going on with Keigo. After I left him I started to feel a little guilty. He may have known Kaname, whoever the fuck he was, but it was clear Keigo was a little afraid of him. I never knew Keigo could be afraid. I was still by the station near the college and didn‟t really know what to do for the rest of the day. I could do what I did most evenings: pick up something for dinner from the convenience store, go home, and read a book until bed. I sighed, and when I passed by the video store I decided to wander in. I must have walked around for nearly ten minutes before I decided I was thoroughly bored. I dug my phone out of my pocket and dialed Keigo. I wasn‟t sure if I was interrupting him or not, but didn‟t really care. And yes, okay, I was a little worried about leaving him with that smug asshole. Keigo answered on the fourth ring. He sounded all cheery-like, but there was something dark and defeated in his voice. He was forcing himself. “Wow, you sound horrible, you okay, man?” There was a pause and then he answered, “Uh, yeah. I‟m cool. What‟s up Masaki-kun?” “Ah, nothing,” I said with a sigh. Masaki again; he must have been alone. “I ended up at the video store, you know, to get that movie you promised me before you ditched me, but they‟re out.” When Keigo answered again it sounded like he was happy for real. “Ooooh… Masaki-kun missed me.” I groaned, rolling my eyes. “Don‟t be stupid, Akatsuki.” A warm laugh sounded in my ear. “Well, I‟m free now if you want to come over.” 82

“Oh yeah?” I said and then fell silent, thinking about his offer. I had said the video store was out of the movie I wanted to see, but it was a flat lie. I was standing in front of a whole shelf full of copies. But, I didn‟t feel like going home, watching the movie on my little TV, alone. And yes, okay I was really worried about Keigo. He was so off today. He sounded like he was about to say something, but before he could even utter a word, I jumped in. “I‟ll bring beer if you get dinner.” “It‟s a deal,” he answered and we hung up. I gave the shelf of movies one last glance, smiled to myself, and set off.

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EVERYTHING hurt. My heart, my body, my very soul. I was defeated by Kaname. I couldn‟t think of a way out of his clutches. Trouble was, I wasn‟t sure I wanted to be entirely free. No matter how often he hurt me, demeaned and used me, how much I told myself that he was killing me, I couldn‟t think of a life without him. He was my security, the one I had looked up to for so long. Even knowing the man he was now, somewhere inside I wanted to believe he was still my old senpai. I sighed, roughly stirring the food in the pan. Dinner was almost done and I wished Masaki would show up soon. Masaki always knew how to make me feel like the person I wanted to be. Masaki had become my happy place, the one I always wanted to be around. There was noise at the front door and then Masaki‟s voice calling out, “I‟m coming in.” I smiled hard. “In here, Masaki-kun.” I felt him come into the room behind me and I turned, offering him a genuine smile. “Hi, so glad you came.” “You look better.” I frowned, thinking I didn‟t feel any better, and then realized what he meant. “Oh, yeah. Hangover is nearly gone.” “What are you making?” “This?” I turned back to the stove. “Teriyaki stir-fry. I know you like salty foods.” “You do?” I looked at Masaki again and found him looking at me strangely. “What?” I asked and went back to work. “I‟ve been having lunch with you almost every day for a while now. Besides those strawberries you seem to always have, you eat salty things.”

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He harrumphed behind me and mumbled, “You‟re right. Oh, here.” I turned and found him offering me a beer. “You like Asahi right?” “Ye—yeah. I do.” I smiled. “It‟s my favorite.” He made an offhanded gesture and put the rest of the beer in the fridge, keeping one for himself, and then wandered off into the other room. I smiled to myself. It was a good idea to have Masaki over. I wasn‟t sure about seeing Masaki so soon after Kaname. Despite my backside hurting, I knew that if I had a chance, I‟d move on Masaki again. I was sure I couldn‟t handle his rejection if he decided not to have me again. Having Masaki near me, though, made me happy. Yes, Masaki made me forget about everything. Masaki made me happy. “Ne,” Masaki called out from the other room. “This that guy from earlier? Kaname-san?” I tensed and whispered, “What?” I went into the other room and found Masaki standing at the piano. He was looking at a picture in his hand. I knew exactly which one he was holding without going to him. “You look so young here.” “Yeah,” I said softer than I would have liked. “That‟s me and Kaname senpai from years ago.” “So you‟ve known each other for a long time?” I tensed when he looked up and met my eyes. I didn‟t want him to see my fear, the emotions in my eyes at what I felt for Kaname. “Yes, I have. A very long time. I used to have piano lessons with this super old guy. He was brilliant, but had way too many students and not enough time. So I was often stuck practicing by myself. One day one of the older students took an interest in me. He was forced to practice because his father said so and, despite his natural talent, didn‟t care for the piano. But he came anyway, he said, to help me.” I felt myself staring off into space as I remembered a happier time. “So he sort of became my teacher. I came to look forward to my classes with senpai. The years went by and I admired his skill and dedication to me. Sensei never saw me, but senpai, he did. Kanamesama cared about me.”

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Masaki made a rude noise and I looked up, shocked. “Yeah, well, I don‟t fucking like him. I don‟t think he cares about you like you think he does. You should be careful around him. He‟s got dangerous eyes for you, man.” His words, no matter how harsh, were true. I felt like I would cry again. Masaki frowned and came to me. “Hey, you okay?” I fought hard to contain my emotions. They were out of control today, only because I was finally understanding myself. “Thank you,” I whispered, “Masaki-kun.” I took his face into my hands and kissed him gently. His eyes widened, but he didn‟t pull away. “Thank you.” You’re much kinder than you let on. He frowned up at me. “You okay, man? You‟re acting so strange today.” “No, I‟m fine.” I offered him a soft smile and then turned away. “I need to finish dinner.” I let out a surprised noise when he came up and grabbed me. He pressed in behind me, touching the line of his body to my back. “Listen, I was thinking… I like salty things, but maybe I want to have something sweet first.” My eyes widened, realizing what he meant. I relaxed into his arms, resting my head back, as he started to run his hands slowly over my chest. “Now who is being the strange one?” Masaki turned me around to look at him, still in his strong arms. “What do you mean?” I smiled and leaned into him, making him strain to look up into my face. “I mean, you‟re not a fag like me.” He laughed and pushed me back. “Damned right.” “Admit it, you want me. You‟re hot for me.” “Dream on, man.” I put on a fake frown for him, feeling more myself. Or, more accurately, the me I was with Masaki. The funnier, happier me. “What, you don‟t want to fuck me anymore?” Masaki gave me a grin then that I had never seen from him before. It made him all the more attractive and charming. Too bad

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Masaki didn‟t know how much I wanted to make him mine. “Maybe if you ask nicely and do something sexy for me.” I couldn‟t deny the way I felt about Masaki. Sure he was brash, crass, and a bit of a jerk, but I realized that was his mask. The façade he hid behind to keep people away. Masaki was a loner; he didn‟t know how to be with others and be happy. After hearing about his family life growing up, his father leaving, his mother dying, I wasn‟t surprised. He‟d been alone for a long time. “How nicely should I ask?” I asked, going to my knees before him. Where I had felt dirty doing this with Kaname just this afternoon, with Masaki I felt right. In that moment, I realized that what I felt for Masaki was not a passing fancy of interest, a new good-looking guy to fuck around with that would help distract me from Kaname for a short time. What I felt was deeper than that. Oh God, I love Masaki.

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“WHAT‟S wrong?” I reached out to touch Keigo‟s upturned face. He was frowning hard. In fact, he looked like he was about to cry. “You okay? You‟ve been acting weird ever since we met up with that jerk Kaname.” He frowned harder and stood, taking a step back. “You don‟t know him.” “No,” I said, rubbing at the back of my neck. “But I know his type. He‟s trouble. He doesn‟t respect you.” Keigo relaxed and dropped his shoulders with a defeated sort of sigh. “I guess you‟re right.” I smiled. “Of course I am; I‟m always right.” Keigo‟s eyes widened and then he burst into laughter. He laughed and laughed. He laughed so hard that tears came to his eyes. “Come on,” I grumbled. “It wasn‟t a joke, man.” “No.” He had to try a few times to speak through his laughter. “No, it‟s just that Masaki-kun is really cute.” I screwed up my face and crossed my arms over my chest. “Fine, be an asshole. I don‟t want to touch your gay ass anyway.” I turned away toward the kitchen to get another beer. Keigo must have thought I was leaving, because he jumped me from behind. I could have resisted, flung him over my shoulder and to the ground before he knew what hit him. But, I wanted to see what he was going to do. “Come on, Masaki-kun,” Keigo whispered against my neck just below my ear, “I know you had fun with me. Why don‟t you stay a while? We‟ll eat, watch that movie you want to see, and then maybe we can consider dessert. If not, no biggie.”

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I sighed heavily. I had nothing else to do and Keigo wasn‟t as annoying as I wanted him to be. In fact, he was more than tolerable. I liked him. “Fine. Let go, you perv.” He let me go, but not before planting a sloppy kiss on my cheek. I made a big gesture of wiping it off, but was smiling to myself. I made sure to frown by the time I turned to face Keigo again. Couldn‟t have him thinking I actually liked him. “Great, now, can we eat? I‟m fucking starving.” He grinned and answered, “Me too.” We each grabbed a plate and a beer and planted ourselves in front of the TV. I sat on the sofa, plate in lap; Keigo sat on the floor against the front of the sofa and almost on top of my legs, his plate on the coffee table in front of him. He looked up over his shoulder to me. “You‟re going to eat up there? That‟s strange.” I shrugged lightly. “Just a habit I picked up from Dad, you know, before he left.” “I see,” was all he said as he turned back to the TV. The movie started and we said nothing more. Again, it was that comfortable silence. Sure, we were watching a movie, but he could have tried to fill in the silence between us by adding comments here and there. Instead, he was deeply engrossed in the action on screen. I was sure he had seen the movie before by the fingerprints on the disk, but he acted like he was seeing it for the first time. He made me think of a child in awe of a superhero. It was really cute. Done with dinner—which was awesome—I pushed my plate onto the coffee table. Keigo flinched when I brushed against his arm and looked up like he‟d just remembered I was there. I wanted to be annoyed, but he seemed so innocent in that moment. I wanted him to be like that always. On impulse, I bent down and kissed his upturned face, feeling his lips, salty with teriyaki, under mine. He looked perplexed. “What was that for?” I shrugged and fell back against the sofa, stretching out my arms. “Nothing really. Just thought you were cute.”

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I tried to ignore his devious smile. And then he was pushing the coffee table away and turning to me. I did my best to ignore him, watch the movie, but he came to me on his knees, between mine, and ran his hands over the top of my thighs. “I can be more than cute, Masaki-kun.” “Oh yeah?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him. “Prove it.” His smile broadened into a grin. The hands on my thighs moved up, grazed over my crotch, and smoothed up my body until he held my face in his palms. He stared at me from inches away, a serious look in his eyes. The mood in the room went suddenly heavy. I couldn‟t tell what Keigo was thinking, only that his thoughts were focused solely on me and that made me a little uncomfortable—you know, that emotional intimacy again. “What are you thinking, Akatsuki-san?” He licked his lips, tilting his head to the side. “Call me by name and I‟ll tell you.” I thought about it a moment—pretended to think about it. “Nope.” “You‟re an ass,” he said, grinning. “Fine, be that way; see if I tell you anything.” I sighed, remembering those were the words I‟d used on him just this afternoon. And then, I‟d told him something very personal. Yuki doesn‟t even know about my mother, other than she‟s dead, or about the book I cherish more than anything. I don‟t know why I said what I did. But I trusted Keigo with my past, my personal trials. Keigo was a good listener and he didn‟t make me feel like a worthless human being. I was something special to him. And that‟s what I saw in his eyes. “What am I to you, Keigo-kun?” His breath caught and he jerked back a few inches. I‟m sure part of it was that I used his name for once. The other, well, something told me he wasn‟t prepared for the question. “What do you mean?” He was my friend, I couldn‟t deny that anymore. But he was starting to consume all of my thoughts. He had to at least think about

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me as much as I did about him. That‟s all I wanted to know. “I mean exactly that. What am I to you? Just a fuck buddy, a friend…?” He licked his lips, his nervous gesture. “I, to me, you‟re….” He stopped, staring into my eyes. He seemed so lost. I wanted to take that away, but didn‟t know how. “You‟re my best friend.” “I see.” I stared at him for a moment and then added, “Fuck friends it is. Now we going to or what?” Keigo burst into laughter. When he quieted, he fell into me and kissed me like he hadn‟t seen me in a lifetime. Like I was his longlost lover. I moaned, wrapping my arms around him and held him close. I was faintly aware that the movie was over and there was nothing lighting the room but the blue glow from the television screen. It was a serene sort of moment, Keigo between my knees, kissing me with such passion. I knew then that I was starting to feel something for the guy, someone that was a stranger to me not too long ago. And I thought it so strange, feeling anything for anyone. For as long as I could remember, I‟d been alone. Sure, there was Mom for a time, but after she died, I had no one. I dated women, fucked them, had a good time with them, but I never stayed with them for more than a handful of months. I never let any of them get close to me. I didn‟t need anyone. I don‟t need anyone. But it was Keigo that was making me see the value of letting others into my life. I had started to crave his company, and by the end of the first week of lunch with him, I had come to look forward to those breaks together. I may have acted like I didn‟t want him around, but he seemed to know it was a farce. “Hey, what‟s wrong, Masaki-kun?” I touched his face and smiled softly. “I just realized that I like you.” His breath caught and he licked his lips again. “I like hearing that, Masaki-kun, because I really—” “Just shut up and kiss me.” Before he could answer I jerked him to me again and he fell on me. His weight was familiar and heavy. I liked the way he felt, even if it was still a little weird to be doing this

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kind of thing with a guy. I was starting to think that it really wasn‟t so weird to be like Keigo, to find sexual value in either sex. Fucking Keigo was good and he was also my friend. I cared about him. And that terrified me.

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WE MOVED to the bedroom, stripping all the way there like horny teenagers. By the time we hit my bed, we were both completely naked and wild with need—hearts pounding, breath coming out heavy, bodies trembling. Masaki‟s hands were made of fire. He was so hot to the touch I was sure I‟d be burned. I wanted to be burned by that fire. “Ah, Masaki!” I cried out, clutching my lover. Now that I understood my feelings for him, every stroke of fingers, flick of tongue, caress of lips felt ten times better than before. Either it was that or Masaki was starting to understand how to pleasure a man. I was betting more on my love for him. “Are you sure you‟re not bi?” He chuckled against my neck, where he had been licking, and his fingers tugged at my nipples. I shuddered against him, wiggling my butt against his crotch so that he was hard between my cheeks. “Yeah. I‟m sure. You‟re the only guy I do this with.” I felt guilty. I wanted to be able to say the same. “You‟re so good.” His warm chuckle came in my ear again and I wanted to see his face. “You aren‟t half bad, Akatsuki.” I moved around until I was facing him and pressed the front of our bodies together. “That‟s Keigo.” He grinned at me. It seemed to me that he only smiled in these situations. The only time he let his guard down and really relaxed was in bed. Instead of calling my name, he kissed me. I moaned into his mouth, kissing him deep and long. Our attentions grew until we were clutching each other hard enough to hurt, in the best of ways. “Masaki-kun?” “Hmm?” he hummed as he moved down my chin to my throat.

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He seemed to like my neck a lot. I shut my eyes, enjoying the feel of his strong hands on my body. They felt nothing like Kaname‟s hands. I pushed the dark thoughts of senpai away and focused on the man in my arms. The one I loved. “Do you like being with me?” “Yeah,” he mumbled against my skin, giving me goose bumps. “Yeah, I do.” I could tell he meant it. Masaki always said what he was thinking, usually in the bluntest manner he could. “And this? Being labeled a homo doesn‟t bother you?” He stopped nibbling at my throat and I opened my eyes, meeting his. I felt my look soften. I really had it bad for him. Masaki stared back, curious, his own expression softening. I wondered if he was starting to think more of me. “Look, I‟ve never had issues with homosexuals. Straight, gay, lesbian, whatever. But I don‟t want people to think I‟m something I‟m not. I have enough trouble without having wrong titles.” I frowned. I always thought he teased me about being bisexual because he was slightly homophobic. But now, I wasn‟t so sure. If he really was a homophobe, I guess he never would have let me kiss him to start. “I don‟t understand, Masaki-kun.” He sighed and plopped back on the bed, leaving me kneeling between his legs. “Since I was little, the kids made fun of me. At first it was because of the way I looked. Then it was because my dad left. They called me a bastard. Of course, I was so young I didn‟t know what the word meant. They chanted „bastard, bastard‟ over and over and then beat me up. I was a small kid, so I couldn‟t fight back. “I came home from school one day after the kids beat me good and asked Mom what „bastard‟ meant. She cried and cried. I thought I had done something wrong. I cried with her while she held me in her arms. When she finally stopped some time later, she told me, „Masaki, my angel, there are things in this world that one cannot explain. Life, death, even love. And along with the unexplained is how these things will evolve. No one can say when life will come or go. Nor can one say when love will come or go. As such happened with your father and I. We had loved each other very deeply once, but then one day we realized we didn‟t anymore. It is the mysteries of life and the way

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things are. I don‟t hate your father for leaving. It is… it is just what it is. And just because your father left doesn‟t mean he doesn‟t love you. That doesn‟t make you a bastard or unloved. You are simply Masaki, my lovely son, and no one can take that from you.‟” Masaki sighed deeply, shutting his eyes. “I was young when she said that to me. Nine, maybe ten. I don‟t know how those words stuck with me, but they did. I was just a kid. If I had known she would die a few years later, I would have memorized every single word she ever said to me, but those, I remembered those gentle words.” I moved across the bed until I was on my side, resting on my elbow next to Masaki. Feeling me over him, he opened his eyes. “When I started to get bigger, I started to fight back. I told those other kids, the bullies that sought me out, that I wasn‟t a bastard. I wasn‟t those things they said I was, I was only me. „Uchida Masaki‟, I‟d say with a lot of pride. I wasn‟t those things the others called me. Even after she died, I still lived by her words. I refuse to be anything but me.” “Oh, Masaki,” I sighed and laid my cheek on his chest. His body was hard under me. I understand now why he worked out so much, why he had black eyes and other bruises. Masaki had a hard life, and that I understood. Sure our pasts were different, but our present was the same. We‟re both lost. I wanted to fix that. For us both. I sat up again, looking into his face. The mood had definitely changed, but I didn‟t think it was a bad thing. We were becoming closer. Masaki was becoming mine. “Masaki, I—” I licked my lips. Could I really say it out loud? Masaki tilted his head to the side and reached out. His palm was warm and comforting across my cheek. “You know, I like it when you call me by my given name, Keigo.” I sucked in a breath and fell into him, covering his mouth with mine. I had to have him now. Our serious talk took away our erections but both were revived with little effort. I climbed over Masaki, pinning his body between my knees. I moved from his lips down his chin and to his throat. Masaki moaned and wiggled under me, running his hands over my back and arms, urging me on. I moved quickly down the front of

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his body, sucking, tasting, savoring his flesh. His fingers tangled into my hair. When I reached his belly button, I shoved my tongue into the tiny crevice and Masaki moaned louder. “Hah. Ahhh…. Why does that feel so good?” I chuckled, gave his abdomen a tiny nip, and said, “I know what feels even better.” I wrapped my hand around the base of his cock and then took him into my mouth. His fingers fisted in my hair and tugged as he arched off the bed, moaning. I had only given him a few good, wet strokes when he let go of my hair and grabbed my shoulders. “Enough. I want to put it in now.” I groaned, thinking that he said the sexiest things, and sat up. I picked up the lubricant from the nightstand, and before I could apply it, Masaki grabbed it from me. He squirted some in his hand and coated his cock, making it slick. Then he reached between my legs, his wrist brushing my balls, and shoved two fingers into me. I tossed my head back and cried out. “Too much?” he asked softly. “Ah… No. Don‟t, mmm, don‟t stop.” He was really starting to understand how sex with me worked as he searched for my prostate. Masaki forced a third finger in and wiggled deeper. I moaned, crying out, and tried not to fall on him. “You like that, huh? Keigo, you‟re so dirty, making such sexy noises. You make me so hard.” Just when I thought I would die or come, Masaki took his hand back, dragging his fingers over my balls. The breath in my chest caught and I opened my eyes. He was smiling warmly up at me. “Can we do it like this? I want to see your face when you come.” My heart swelled, thinking he had to be feeling something for me. “Yeah.” I moved over him, positioning his cock with my hand behind me. He moaned when I lowered myself over him. I moved slowly, back and forth, up and down until I had him fully sheathed inside me.

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He grabbed my hips hard and shuddered, his eyes shutting for a moment. When he opened them again, he looked at me. I felt like he was seeing right inside me. “Move for me, Keigo.” There was no hesitation. I did what we both wanted and started to move over him, slowly at first and then faster as I found a rhythm. My movements came to a sudden stop when I felt a hand on my cock. I blinked down, shocked. He frowned. “Why‟d you stop?” “I….” I looked down again to Masaki‟s hand, wrapped around my cock for the first time. I thought that his hand looked good holding me. “You don‟t have to, you know. I‟ll go whether you touch me or not.” He shrugged with his free arm. “I want to, okay?” “Well,” I said, breathy, leaning in for a kiss, “I won‟t stop you then. I like your touch, your strong hands.” I kissed him deeply. Sitting upright again, I adjusted my position to take him deeper. “Oh, that‟s good.” I smiled and moved harder, faster, dropping myself down onto him with deep grunts. Masaki echoed my grunts and groans, his hand stroking my cock. I was breathing so hard I thought I might pass out. “Oh God,” he groaned in English. “Ah, Keigo!” Masaki caught my eye and held it as I rode him. I thought I saw love or something very near in his eyes as he watched me, letting me love him. Oh and I do, I love him. I wanted him to know how I felt, but I was frightened. I was frightened I would ruin everything we had. We came together, Masaki filling me with his hot seed, mine spilling out of his hand. When it was all over, I collapsed on top of him, panting for air. Our bodies were covered in sweat, slick against each other. I was still a little sore from the rough going-on Kaname gave me earlier, but that didn‟t matter. I had Masaki. I needed him so much. Do you need me too? Masaki kissed me, soft and gentle. “That was great, Keigo.” That’s because I love you. “You‟re good, for a straight man.” “Do straight men fuck their guy friends?”

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I thought about it a moment and then answered, “Well, no. Not really.” I felt him try to shrug under me, and then his arms held me tightly to his chest. He kissed my forehead. “Guess I‟m not straight anymore.” I laughed and placed a big wet kiss on his lips. “I won‟t tell. You‟re my secret. All mine.”

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I LICKED my lips, tasting the strange aftertaste of the cigarette Keigo gave me. “These are weird. They taste like fruity spice or something.” “Hmm?” Keigo said lazily next to me, staring up at the ceiling. “I guess.” “Where‟d you get them?” I saw him lick his lips, out of the corner of my eye. His nervous gesture. “Uh… a friend left them.” “A friend, huh?” I mumbled. “This happen to be an old senpai?” He tensed against me and then sat up, putting his back to me. “Yeah.” “He gave you the piano, didn‟t he?” He made a shocked noise and glanced at me. “How did—” I huffed, blowing out a big puff of funny-tasting smoke. “You look at that piano the same way you look at him.” He may not say it aloud, but there was love and hate in his eyes when he looked at that man. “Naruhodo,” Keigo mumbled and fell back to the bed next to me. After a long pause he said, “I haven‟t played it once, that piano. Actually, I haven‟t played in years.” “Why‟s that?” I felt him shrug against my shoulder. “Don‟t know.” I grunted in response, not really believing him. I had a feeling it had to do with Kaname. I didn‟t like the guy one bit. I think Keigo knew that but was blinded by his own feelings toward the man he seemed to idolize and fear at the same time.

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“Whatever.” I huffed and climbed off the bed. I put out the cigarette and started toward the bathroom. “I‟m going to use your shower.” His reply was a soft, “Mhm,” and then I shut the door behind me. I climbed under the water and let out a long sigh, leaning against the back wall. What am I doing here? You already know, you fucking idiot. You like him. You like him more than a friend. I sighed wearily at myself and started to clean up, using Keigo‟s things. When I was done, I turned off the water and went to the door. I was about to open it when I heard Keigo‟s soft voice talking on the other side. “No, you can‟t. Please, I have company. N—no. Not that kind of company, just a… friend. We‟re watching movies, that‟s all.” Silence. “No, I said it was just a frie—yes, it‟s Uchida-san.” More silence. “No. I told you before, I‟m not fucki—senpai… I‟m sorry. Please, don‟t come over, I‟m—yes.” Pause. “Okay. Yes, anything. I promise, but tomorrow night.” A longer pause. “Yes,” he said so softly that I almost didn‟t hear, “I promised. Anything you want. Okay, bye.” I heard him sigh and I opened the door. Keigo was on the bed, the sheets pulled up to his chest, a new cigarette between his lips and his cell phone in the other. He didn‟t notice me right away. “Keigo-kun?” He looked up slowly, blinking at me. It seemed like it took him a moment to register that it was me. “You okay, man?” “Yeah,” he said with a sigh. He tossed his cell phone to the nightstand and leaned over to stub out his smoke. The sheet lifted enough that I could see his bare ass, and I thought about having another go at him. His body, the way he smelled and tasted, was becoming addictive. He was dangerous.

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This is why I don’t make friends, dammit. “I‟m staying the night,” I announced. “What?” he asked, surprised. “That a problem?” I asked with my old attitude. I was starting to get soft with Keigo, not being as rude as usual. That had something to do with me liking him. I was still me though, no matter my feelings. He smiled and moved over on the bed. “No, not at all.” “There?” He patted the space next to him. “Why not? I don‟t have an extra mat anyway, and the sofa is hot.” I found it hard to believe that he didn‟t have a spare mat. And I agreed on the hot sofa bit; I was so uncomfortable on it last night. I shrugged, dropped my towel—which got me a smirk and raised eyebrow—and climbed into bed. I slipped in next to Keigo on my side, facing the wall. He switched off the light and moved next to me, filling in behind me, wrapping an arm around my chest. I felt him against my ass. He was getting hard again. I smiled to myself. “Is it okay if I lie like this?” Keigo whispered into my ear. I sighed deeply. I liked the feel of his body behind me. It was comforting, secure and safe. That‟s right, I felt good in Keigo‟s arms. “Yeah, it‟s cool. You‟ll do whatever you want anyway.” “Oh hey, don‟t you have class tomorrow?” “No—I mean, yes. Just one, but I‟m not going. Long weekend for me.” I felt Keigo smile against my back and he nuzzled the base of my neck. I laughed, squirming. “That tickles.” “Ooohh. Masaki-kun is ticklish? I like that.” I made my voice as stern as possible. “If you tickle me I swear I‟ll hurt you.” “Okay, okay,” he laughed. “I‟ll behave.” At the same moment he was talking about behaving, he rubbed his crotch against my ass. Moments later, he was kissing the back of my neck and shoulders, leaving tiny wet spots. “You‟re such a pervert. Once wasn‟t enough?” “It‟s never enough when it comes to Masaki-kun.”

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I felt the same. I just couldn‟t say it out loud. That I was just as—if not more—horny as he was. I could go the rest of the night and still want more. Keigo‟s hands slipped down my waist and grabbed me through the sheets. “Ne, Keigo-kun?” “Mmm?” came his muffled reply against my naked flesh. “Wanna have a contest?” He leaned over me and looked into my face, lips curled into a sly smile. “What kind of contest?” I returned his smile from inches away. “See who comes more?” He laughed. “Really?” “Yeah,” I said rolling to my back and pulled him on top of me. “We‟re young, privilege of the youth „n‟ all, right?” He chuckled. “And the prize?” I thought about it a moment and then answered, “Loser makes the winner breakfast. In bed.” “I like that. I hope you know how to cook, Masaki-kun, because I won‟t lose to you.”

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WHEN I was younger, I used to dream of the time when I was all grown up. I lived in a beautiful home, had a great job and a wife who loved me deeply. It was the perfect life. Then, after I met Kaname, I used to dream he was the one who was at my side. We would spend our days together holding hands, tending to our lush garden, cooking meals, and sharing intimate moments—all those things that people in love did. Life was always so romantic and perfect in my fantasies. I think that was my undoing. I had made Kaname up in my mind to be something he wasn‟t. The fact that he was kind and attentive to me when we first met only made the reality all that harder for me to face. I had wanted him so badly that I never let myself see the real him. I wanted him to be that perfect lover I dreamed about. The day I finally confessed my true feelings to him, I knew I was doing something wrong. I knew I had doomed myself. Kaname had prescribed a particularly difficult piano piece for me to learn. I had practiced hard after school in the music room all week to make it perfect for when I had to play for him. I wanted him to be proud of me. I was so nervous I could hardly get my fingers to stop trembling, but after the first few notes, I shut my eyes and just played. Soon I was in my own world, with nothing but the deep melody of Beethoven and Kaname‟s scent filling me. I was at peace in a way I didn‟t know I could feel. When the song was over, my hands stopped moving but remained on the keys. When a warm hand touched the back of mine, pulling me back into reality, I opened my eyes. I looked up, meeting Kaname‟s dark eyes. “That was perfect, Akatsuki-san.”

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I smiled. “I practiced hard.” “I can tell.” He brushed a lock of hair from my face behind my ear. “You practiced just for me, didn‟t you?” I couldn‟t have been any redder. I stammered, unsure of what to say because he was one hundred percent right. He chuckled softly and touched my cheek. “You are very easy to read, Akatsuki-san.” “Senpai!” I blurted, turning toward him. “I- I like you!” He smirked, a single dark eyebrow going high. “My.” He paused looking into my eyes. It was a struggle to force myself not to break contact. I was afraid he didn‟t understand what I truly meant. I was afraid that if he did, he would turn me away and I‟d never see him again. Oh no, what did I do? Why did I say that? When Kaname started to lean into me, I realized he knew exactly what I meant and that he accepted my feelings. That terrified me more than him saying no. But when he pressed his lips softly to mine, all my fears washed away. He was as sweet and gentle as I imagined he would be. But I was too shocked to react, to kiss him back. Kaname was the first man I‟d ever kissed. He pulled back enough to look into my eyes. I blinked at him, unsure what to say. His fingers traced my cheek. “Keigo-chan? Say something. Are you okay?” “Yeah,” I said, smiling, “I‟m okay. I‟m… I‟m happy.” Kaname stood, guiding me to my feet with him. “Senpai?” His smile made me a little nervous. “Come with me.” I was led into a part of the house I‟d never been in before. It was quiet all around. Kaname‟s family was out for the night. We passed an open door that looked like it belonged to one of his sisters. I was led into a room a few doors down. I realized immediately that it was Kaname‟s. He shut the door behind us. “Senpai?” I asked nervously. He smiled warmly, but there was something dark and disconcerting in his smile. “Senpai?” I asked again. “What‟s—oh!” He grabbed me and pulled me to him. His arms went around me as I remained stiff in his hold. “Keigo-chan…. I know that you have

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been in love with me.” I gasped, shocked. “I have been ignoring you all this time, haven‟t I? And you have been right there in front of me.” My eyes started to burn and I let out a short breath, relaxing in his arms. “Keigo-chan, will you forgive me?” I sighed and finally wrapped my arms around him. I never knew something as simple as a hug could feel so good. I could only manage a whisper. “Senpai….” Kaname stood back and looked me in the eyes. He smiled a warmer smile than before and I melted into him. His lips found mine and, this time, I returned his kiss. He was rougher, eagerly eating at my mouth with teeth and tongue. When he started to walk us backward, I pulled away. “What‟s, what are you doing?” “Shhh,” he whispered across my face, “it‟s okay.” I was lowered to the bed under Kaname. I licked my lips nervously. “Senpai….” “Keigo-chan, I want you to call me by my given name.” “But, senpai….” He put a finger to my lips, silencing me. “I think we are past the teacher, student relationship now. Keigo-chan, my sweet, I‟m going to make you mine.” I gasped and whispered, “Yours?” I couldn‟t believe he was saying those words to me, the words I had longed to hear for so long. I wanted to belong to Kaname, to be loved and cherished by him. “Yes, I… want to be yours… Kaname-sama.” He smiled broadly and kissed me again, more urgently than before. His hands started to rove over my chest and I realized that he had his hands inside my shirt. I gasped, shrinking back. “What‟s wrong, my sweet?” he asked. His lips stretched into a sly smile. “Are you a virgin?” My whole face burned. “I, um, no. But….” But I‟d never been with a man. My first sexual encounter was with a woman. I‟d never even considered having a man before Kaname. Once, when I realized my feelings for him, I thought about testing myself with another man,

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to see if I could. In the end, I only chickened out. I couldn‟t even kiss him. I didn‟t feel anything for that man. He wasn‟t Kaname senpai. “Naruhodo,” he answered. “I am your first man, then, is it?” I nodded and he chuckled over me, making my chest vibrate with it. “There is nothing to be afraid of, my sweet.” I let out a deep sigh, relaxing. “Kaname-sama… I love you.” He smiled broadly. “I know.” Kaname bent to me again and we kissed. Kissing gave way to groping, and before I knew it, we were naked. Kaname took my body then, made it his own. But he was not sweet and gentle, like his first kiss. He fucked me so hard that I bled. After it was all over, my whole body pulsed with pain. As I cried softly, feeling confused and scared, Kaname whispered sweet words to comfort me, though they felt like lies. The only words I had ever wanted him to say to me were, “I love you too.” They never came. Despite my fears and confusion, I kept ending up in Kaname‟s arms, in his bed. I couldn‟t say no. Shortly after, I was introduced to Izumi. Kaname‟s girlfriend. I knew immediately she was not a passing fancy. He was serious about her. That broke a piece of my heart. Even knowing Kaname had given his heart to Izumi, I couldn‟t say no to him when he wanted to have sex with me. Willingly, I gave him my body. And my heart, though unrequited. As time went on and I became more and more confused about the ambiguity of our relationship, I started to find other men to sleep with. They all looked like Kaname. I never really liked them, or was all that interested in men in general. They were only surrogates. Of course, Kaname always found out I was messing around. I had wanted him to know. I had wanted him to come and take me away and say those words. Still, they never came. Years went by like this. I knew I needed to get away, to stop subjecting myself to Kaname‟s passive form of abuse, but I loved him. Or I thought I did. Even when the hitting and harsh words started, I

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couldn‟t make myself leave. While I slept with other men and women, I never found that spark I first felt for Kaname. I was starting to wish that I‟d never told Kaname my feelings. At least then, I‟d be happier. Maybe I would be with someone who could love me back. Then, I met Masaki. The first moment I saw him, I felt that something again. I was drawn to him in a way I wasn‟t to any other man, or woman, I‟d been with. I was back to that time when I felt fresh and young. The time before I had so foolishly said those words to my senpai. I knew I had found someone special. I knew I had found someone to fix my broken heart. I could fall in love again. With Uchida Masaki.

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“AH! MASAKI… I- I‟m….” Keigo let out a helpless, needy moan that made me want to come right then. “Oohhh.” Even my deep groan over Keigo didn‟t mask the wet sounds of me pounding into him from behind. We were on round three already. So far, our little contest was a tie, but I knew I wouldn‟t lose to him. Keigo was on his knees, holding onto the shuddering headboard with his head hanging down between his arms. Keigo was helping it along by rocking roughly back and forth, meeting my groin hard. He was really giving it his all. “Keigo, you really make the sexiest noises.” I leaned forward and licked a long, slow line up his back, tasting his sweat. “Ah!” He cried out and tossed his head back. That one small touch was enough to send him over the edge, and he cried out again as he shuddered with his release. My own orgasm came seconds later as I clutched at his hips. He was wet inside before this round, and I wondered if it was uncomfortable, being so full of my cum. As the last of the shudders wore off, I fell onto Keigo‟s long back, panting for air. He moaned again and lowered us to the bed. “Tied still.” I pulled out of him and chuckled. “Yep, sure are.” I kissed his back, moving up to reach his shoulders and then his neck until I was laid out against him. We were both covered in sweat and cum. We‟d made a huge mess of the sheets. “Don‟t worry, you‟ll lose soon enough. I mean, you are older.” He laughed and flipped me off him to my side. He stayed on his stomach but lifted up on his elbows to look at me. “Like a year is a big difference.”

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I smiled and shrugged. I kissed his shoulder softly and Keigo sighed, shutting his eyes. My free hand, the one I wasn‟t lying on, came up and cupped Keigo‟s ass. He lowered his head to the bed and sighed again deeply. He looked so charming in that moment, with his hair curtained around his face, acting coy. “Already?” I chuckled against his skin and moved my hand between his cheeks as I kissed softly around his shoulder. Just as I slipped my hand between his cheeks, I felt the wetness. He was leaking. “Ne, Keigo-kun? Wanna go shower and clean up some?” I looked up to find him smiling warmly, and then he opened his eyes. “I like having Masaki-kun‟s love inside me.” My own eyes widened. It wasn‟t that he was saying something super sexy, but that he just said something about love. My… love? Not noticing or ignoring my shock, he leaned in and kissed me gently, long and slow. “Mmm, but, if Masaki-kun wants to help me clean up….” “Ohhh,” I drawled, nuzzling his neck. “That sounds like it could be sexy and fun.” Keigo jumped up and off the bed, dragging me with him. Stomping off toward the bath, he smiled at me over his shoulder, his eyes shimmering with mischief. “Well, I am super sexy and fun.” I groaned, rolling my eyes, and pushed him into the bathroom. I shoved him up against the back wall and buried my tongue deep in his mouth. He moaned, responding as he clung to me. As I moved my mouth down his chin to his neck, I managed to find the controls around Keigo‟s body to turn on the water. The first drops of cool water hit my upper body and I was consumed with dining on Keigo‟s delicious neck. He had such an enticing neck. It was long and slender, soft and smelled like Keigo. I couldn‟t get enough. I felt teeth on my shoulder. He didn‟t bite down, but I knew he was going to leave a mark by the way he was sucking at my skin. He could mark me wherever he wanted. I was his. The water finally turned hot and I spun Keigo under me to press his chest to the wall. “Mmm… time for another Masaki enema?”

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I laughed hard, realizing what he was saying. “Stop being dumb,” I managed through my laughter and lowered myself to my knees, smoothing my hands all the way down his back as I went. Keigo‟s round, soft ass was inches from my face. I groaned and ran my palms over his flesh, feeling how perfect and smooth he really was. “Such a nice ass, Keigo….” He chuckled softly, his body vibrating with it. “Thank you.” I lowered my mouth to his skin and gave him a quick, exploratory lick as I spread my hands over his hips. When he gave a soft, appreciative moan, I gave another, more amorous lick followed by a soft nip to the roundest part of his ass. Keigo moaned louder, his breath coming out fast. “Ah… Masaki. That‟s good.” If you like that…. “Hand me the showerhead.” Keigo moved under me as I explored the expanse of his backside slowly, tasting every bit I could get my tongue on. He moaned and whimpered softly. I was distracting him from doing the simple task. I could worship his ass all day if it weren‟t for the pressure in my groin, the need to impale him until he cried out under me, dragged his nails down my back, tore at my skin. I was just parting his cheeks to do some up-close exploring when Keigo finally managed to give me the handheld. I started at his lower back, placing the head of the nozzle at the small of his back where he had the cutest little dimples. When I was done being mesmerized by the way the tiny rivers of water snaked down his bare skin, I lowered the handheld to his ass. Carefully, I parted his cheeks and Keigo spread his legs. He sighed and rested his face against the wall as I slowly lowered the spray to flow down between his cheeks. Keigo responded, wiggling and clawing at the wall, but it wasn‟t to get away. When I looked up, I saw his face drawn in pleasure, his eyes shut to relish the sensation. I smiled darkly to myself and slipped two fingers into him, spreading him wide. Keigo gasped at the sudden invasion, tensing for only a moment. “Masaki, I—” he started, but his next words turned into a cry of pleasure as I positioned the showerhead at his opening. “Oh, mmmm… I, hah, I don‟t think it‟s meant to be used that way.”

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“Is now.” I looked up. Keigo‟s cheek was pressed against the wall, his bottom lip between his teeth. His upper body slumped as his hips pushed back into my hands, begging for more. “You like that, ne?” Around a keening moan he managed, “Ye… ah, yeah. It‟s a strange sensation; no one‟s ever done this to me. Oh God, but it feels so damn good.” I chuckled at the heat in his voice. His legs were starting to tremble and would give out soon. I moved my fingers around as deep as I could reach, swishing and rubbing at his insides to clean him free of the mess I‟d made. Keigo moaned and squirmed the whole time. He couldn‟t have been any sexier. “Oh… Masaki… Mmm, more… give me more.” I dropped the handheld to the tile floor and stood. Before Keigo realized what was happening, I was inside him. He gasped and tossed his head back, almost head-butting me. I set my teeth into the back of his shoulder and groaned as I pumped against him. We had been at it so much that no matter how much I was turned on, I knew I wasn‟t going to come right away. I needed to change position. I needed to see Keigo‟s face. I pulled out and spun him around to face me. Keigo gasped, meeting my eyes through strands of wet hair. I smiled darkly and he offered me lusty eyes and heavy breathing. His right leg came up and wrapped around my waist and I didn‟t hesitate to slip hard into him again. His back arched against the wall, his groin pressing hotly against my abdomen. I tasted him deeply as I started to grind hard against him. The leg holding him up started to tremble and I reached down and cupped that beautiful ass of his in my hands to hold him up as I drove him harder and harder into the wall. His other leg came up and wrapped around to hook with his other, so that I had to support his full weight on my hips. He swiped both of his hands over his face, pushing the dark hair out of his vision. Our eyes met and locked, lust and something deeper reflected in his expression. We had a deep connection that had nothing to do with my body buried in his.

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Keigo cried out and arched into me. Warmth spread across my stomach and I realized that Keigo had gone already. I wasn‟t nearly ready. I might actually lose our contest. On the wake of my thoughts, I realized it was stupid as I felt that unmistakable tightening in my groin. And then a groan slipped out as I emptied into Keigo. Panting with exhaustion we stayed how we were. Me pressed to Keigo, my body and fluids filling him. Keigo pinned to the wall, his long legs wrapped comfortingly around me. I kissed him long and gentle, kneading his backside in my palms. I could taste his contentment and wondered again, not for the first time, what I really was to him. He had that same look in his eyes that Haruka had for Yuki. I knew what Haruka thought of Yuki. Did Keigo think the same of me? After we agreed on the tie, we managed to part ourselves from each other. Keigo was in need of a good cleaning again. This time he did it himself while I washed my body in the little bit of water I could steal from him. When he was done cleaning, he turned to me, grinning. “Sit.” I looked at the teak stool he placed down in front of me. “Huh?” “Don‟t be so suspicious. I just want to wash your hair.” I thought about it for a moment and then shrugged. I‟d never had a lover wash my hair for me before. Wait, lover? Oh man, I guess he was. First friends, now lovers. When‟d that happen? Things were just getting weirder and weirder. But then, why didn‟t I feel weird about it? I sat and Keigo set about washing my hair. His fingers were long and thin, strong but gentle. “You‟re good at this too,” I said in a half daze as I felt my eyes droop. It was the middle of the night and if it weren‟t for our constant fucking, I might have fallen asleep hours ago. Keigo‟s response was a soft chuckle. We were silent again for a long time as he worked slowly at my hair. I wasn‟t sure there was even any soap in it anymore. Didn‟t matter. I liked Keigo touching me. I liked that he knew how to make me feel good. I wondered if he played the piano the same way he touched me, with longing.

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“Ne, Keigo-kun?” “Yes, Masaki-kun,” he answered softly. He sounded as drowsy as I was starting to feel. “Why‟d you stop playing the piano?” His fingers stopped for a second, and I felt the tension in his body where he touched me. There was no hiding it, I‟d hit a soft spot. He resumed working on my hair again. “I just didn‟t feel like playing anymore.” “Just like that?” “Just like that.” I frowned, knowing there was more to it. I wasn‟t fucking stupid. “Was it Kaname?” His movements didn‟t stop this time, but I felt his tension increase. “I don‟t—” “Do you fuck him?” Keigo‟s hands stopped and he came around to face me. He looked devastated. “What?” “Your senpai, Kaname. I‟m not stupid, I saw the way your face went all soft when you were talking about him earlier.” Keigo eyes were wide, shocked, his body tense. I thought I had come pretty close in my guess. “Well?” After a long pause, he licked his lips. “No.” “I see,” I said, eyeing him. I knew he just lied. “And you? I know you have a girl… that‟s, whatever, but you‟re not—” “No,” I sighed. “She‟s a virgin.” He raised his eyebrows. “Really? At our age?” “Yeah,” I sighed again and stood, running a hand over my hair. It was soft and smooth, like he had used conditioner on it. “She actually offered herself to me the other night.” His eyes widened again and I had to resist laughing at the shock and hurt in his eyes. He wasn‟t good at hiding his emotions at all. “Taking a girl‟s virginity is a big deal. Not something I do lightly. I mean, I like her enough and she‟s got nice tits, but I don‟t see us going anywhere.”

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I could tell he was trying hard to not smile as he quickly turned away to shut off the water. He liked the idea of me only sleeping with him. I guess I liked it too. And when he came to me and kissed me deeply, when his hands roved over my back and he started to walk us toward the bedroom, I didn‟t care so much anymore about Kaname or Yuki. All that mattered was the man in my arms and how I felt about him.

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WE DIDN‟T wake until sometime past noon. I slept like the dead. I couldn‟t remember a time I was so content in mind and body. It might have had something to do with fucking Masaki half the night. We did it two more times after showering, before I said I needed a break, and then we fell asleep. I had also lost our bet on the last round. I forgot how tiring good—no, amazing—sex was. After we both woke up, we stayed in bed, lounging and trying to decide what to do with the day. I was skipping my classes to spend the day with Masaki, but we had to be done by this evening. I had a “date” with Kaname. I felt bad for lying to Masaki about sleeping with Kaname. It had bothered me the rest of the night, threatening to distract me from our lovemaking. “Ne, Keigo-kun. You listenin‟ or what? For fuck‟s sake.” I looked into Masaki‟s eyes. He was on his side, looking down at me. “You weren‟t even listening, were you?” I offered him a smile and ruffled his blond mop. I knew I had to make as much time with him as possible. To enjoy my day before the night came. I nearly shuddered. “Sorry, I was daydreaming.” “Well I hope it was fucking good, ‟cause I‟ve been talking to you.” I grinned, all teeth, and took Masaki‟s face into my hands. He was always so warm. “I was daydreaming about you.” I kissed his bottom lip as he stared into my eyes. “A-huh,” he said skeptically. “I‟m sure. So are we going to get our lazy asses up or what? Hey, you lost the bet too.” “That‟s right I did….” I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him down on top of me. We both had morning wood. There

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was a simple solution for that. “We could just stay in bed all day. I‟ll be your breakfast.” “Oh yeah?” he mumbled as he started to kiss my neck. “You didn‟t get enough of me last night? Is my sausage that good? You really are a perv.” I laughed hard, opening my legs and wrapping one around him. My body was slightly achy from what Kaname did to me yesterday. Having Masaki so many times after that didn‟t help. In truth, I needed a day of rest, but I couldn‟t hold back when it came to Masaki. “I‟m always horny for Masaki-kun,” I said breathily. “Am I just that desirable?” I shut my eyes, clutching him. “More than you know.” I was drowning in his touch. For a guy who hadn‟t slept with men before, I was surprised at how skilled he was at making me feel good from the start. He seemed to know exactly where and how to touch me. Maybe he really did feel something for me. I sighed deeply. “Well, there is a movie out I wanted to see and then we can have a late lunch.” He kissed my chest, moving slowly back and forth with lips and tongue. “Sounds like a good plan to me… after breakfast.” I looked down at him. “Breakfast?” He gave me a devilish grin that made me moan, and then he lowered himself to my waist. My eyes widened when I realized what he meant to do. “Masaki, wait, you don‟t hav—Ah!” Without any hesitation, Masaki took my cock into his hot mouth. One of his hands went under his chin and cupped my balls. The other was wiggling under my ass and then there was a finger in me. “Masaki!” I covered my mouth with my fingers as if I could keep the moans in. Masaki was better at giving head than I realized he would be. Never would I have asked him to do such a thing for me, but then he went and gave it to me anyway. I was so happy I could cry. I need you so much, Masaki. Please don’t ever leave me. I was going to lose my control soon and come into his mouth if he didn‟t stop. As if he read my thoughts, he slowed to a stop and then opened his mouth. “Ne, Keigo,” he said softly. Panting, I sat up

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enough to look at him. I was very aware that he had his fingers in me, my balls in his palm, damp lips an inch from my aching, hard cock. “Do you want to fuck me? You know, be on top?” I couldn‟t have been more shocked. “What?” “It‟s just what I said.” Masaki looked unsure suddenly and blurted, “I won‟t offer again.” “I—” I was at a loss for words. This was something I had never even considered. Sure, I had been the top with other men, but the thought had never crossed my mind with Masaki. He was shorter and should have been the bottom, but he was just so masculine that I couldn‟t see him in any other role than top. “Fine, offer rescind—” “Yes! I would love to.” He gave me a dark smile. “Thought so. Make it good, Keigokun.” “Oh, I intend to….” I was reaching for him when the doorbell rang. We both stopped and looked to the open bedroom door. I frowned and mumbled, “Who could that be?” “Well, whoever it is needs to fuck off.” Masaki was up and off the bed before I could stop him. He stomped out of the room and toward the front door, completely naked. I gasped, jumped up, and chased after him, equally as naked. “Masaki,” I hissed. I moved to stop him, but he already had the doorknob in his hand. And then it was open. I gasped, meeting the eyes of the person on the other side. He blinked back and forth at us both, shocked, taking in every naked inch. “Yare yare, it seems I have interrupted something rather intimate,” Kaname said, staring down at Masaki‟s erection. Suddenly shy, I hid my own behind Masaki. I was so busted. Kaname was really going to hurt me. And now, he would do what he could to hurt Masaki too, just to have me all to himself. Fuck. “Yeah,” Masaki answered crossing his arms. He had no shame about his body and never moved to cover up. “You did. You mind?” Kaname pushed his way in, forcing Masaki to step back. “I do actually. I have a date with Keigo-chan today.”

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“Date,” Masaki mumbled. “Uh, yeah.” Both men looked to me, anger in their eyes. Kaname‟s scared me. Masaki‟s broke my heart. I wanted to disappear. “Senpai, you weren‟t due until this evening.” He tilted his head to the side slightly, considering. “That‟s true enough, but my schedule opened up. Thought I‟d come see my sweet earlier.” Anger, instant and hot, coursed through me. How dare he come here like this? He knew what he was doing. He knew Masaki would be here. Dammit, I have to make him stop! He can’t do this to me anymore. “Excuse me,” Masaki muttered and turned away. Kaname watched him walk away, eyes filled with hunger. When the bedroom door shut, he said, “He has a fantastic body. I see why you covet it so.” “Kaname,” I said with a sternness and confidence to my voice I never possessed before. “How dare you—” The rest of my words fell into a yelp. Kaname advanced on me, shoving me against the wall. “How dare you. I warned you, Keigo. I warned you not to do this. You know what I‟m going to do now, don‟t you?” I swallowed hard and whispered, “Yes.” He would chase Masaki away from me, hurt him and me both. In many unpleasant ways. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. “You owe me big for this indiscretion, my sweet. Now give me a kiss.” I hesitated and that made Kaname angry. He growled a dangerous noise and grabbed my chin, forcing my mouth to his. Just then I heard the bedroom door open and my eyes widened. I was trapped between the wall and Kaname‟s lips, unable to get away. Naked. My erection was mostly gone but I knew that was something Kaname could easily remedy and I prayed he wouldn‟t. After he was satisfied Masaki saw us, Kaname pulled away, stretching my bottom lip out with his teeth. We both turned to look at Masaki, who was watching the show. Kaname‟s look was that of

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victory. I‟m sure I looked as horrified as I felt, being caught by Masaki kissing the one man who could ruin everything. “I‟m sorry, Uchida-san, was it? But Keigo-chan and I have things to do today.” I‟d never seen Masaki so angry before. It broke a piece of me to think it was my doing. I whispered, “Masaki.” “No,” he snapped, face screwed up, “I get it. You‟re with him. I‟m leaving. You two have a good fucking time.” His voice was so full of venom. I tried to move after him, but Kaname shoved me back against the wall with a hand on my shoulder. My head nearly smacked against the wall and I winced. “Ow,” I muttered. He leaned into me and whispered, “No, let him go. Things will be easier this way, my sweet.” “Fuck y—” Before I could finish, Kaname slapped me. Shocked, I could only blink at him. Masaki, however, got angry and rushed him, fist cocked. “Wait, Masaki, don‟t!” To my surprise, Masaki stopped inches from Kaname, glaring up at the taller man. Kaname gave a dark laugh. “Yare yare, it seems my timid sweet has the lone wolf trained. How charming.” Masaki only glared back. “Yes, I think my sister would be very interested to hear how you tamed this wild animal with your cock, Keigo-chan.” Sister? Which one and what did that have to do with her? A second later the truth hit me. Oh no, Kaname’s sister, she’s… and Kaname is going to…. This is it. I’m about to lose Masaki. “What?” Masaki snapped. “What the fuck are you talking about?” His face fell as he seemed to realize something. And I knew then that he realized the same thing I had moments before. No, no, no…. “Ah,” Masaki suddenly exclaimed. “That‟s where I know you. You‟re Yuki-chan‟s older brother!”

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KANAME laughed. It was dark and sinister, like a bad antihero. I wanted to punch him in the fucking face. “Oh, this is too rich. I had been waiting for the perfect moment and this….” He stopped and let out a deep sigh as if savoring the moment, the feeling. “This is most definitely it.” His grin broadened and it took everything in me not to put my fist into it. “That‟s right, I‟m Yuki‟s older brother. I know all about you, Uchida-san. Don‟t you think it will make my dear onee-chan cry to know her boyfriend has been cheating on her? And with a man.” “Oh yeah, what about you? Yuki said you were engaged to be married and you‟ve been fucking Akatsuki.” He raised a single brow. I wanted to slap the smug look off his face. It was amazing that I hadn‟t already. “Oh, so he told you. Well, of course I am.” He pulled Keigo to him, turning him so that his back was against his chest, facing me. Keigo looked defeated in his arms, his eyes desperate and pleading. Though I didn‟t know what he wanted from me. Kaname‟s arms covered Keigo‟s naked chest possessively and I felt my anger rise. He lowered his face to Keigo‟s neck, staring at me with those cold, serial-killer eyes. “Tell him, Keigo-chan, tell your friend here how you are in love with me. That I‟m the only one for you.” “That‟s a lie,” I snapped, jumping forward. Kaname laughed darkly again. “Oh it‟s true. I‟ve been the only one Keigo has loved. Long ago, before you were even around, Keigochan confessed his true feelings for me. He‟s loved me from the moment he met me. He can‟t live without me. We‟ve been partners

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ever since. He will always be mine. Keigo-chan loves me, not you, Uchida Masaki.” I didn‟t like him, trusted the bastard even less, but somehow I knew what he was saying was true. There was one person I had to hear it from to know for sure. I looked at Keigo, ignoring Kaname‟s dark stare. “Is it true? You and Kaname?” “Yes,” he whispered, his eyes welling. “And you love—look at me. You love him?” The tears started to stream down Keigo‟s face as he forced himself to look into my eyes. His next word came out as a defeated whimper. “I—yes.” I spun on my heel and started for the door. “Fan-fucking-tastic. You two have a great time fucking each other‟s brains out. I‟m leaving. Good-bye, Akatsuki.” As the door shut behind me, I heard Keigo scream in a ragged, broken voice, “Masaki, please don‟t go. Don‟t leave me!” I stomped through the city. I was so angry, nearly boiling over with it. But what I didn‟t know was why I was so angry. I understood last night that Keigo and Kaname had a relationship. I knew that, but something about hearing it from Kaname‟s lips, seeing them together enraged me, made it true beyond doubt. And then there was that other thing. “Keigo-chan loves me, not you, Uchida Masaki.” Keigo loved Kaname. He‟d said it himself. So why was I so fucking angry about that? “Why do I fucking care!” A girl I passed by gave me a look and a wide berth. I thought she was cute and maybe that I‟d like to fuck her. I smirked darkly to myself and kept walking. If I really wanted to have sex right now, there was only one place to go. It would make me feel better and piss off that asshole Kaname. And that liar, Keigo.

THE door opened and Yuki blinked at me, surprised. She seemed out of breath. I had called her on my way over and she agreed to meet me at her house, even though that meant she had to ditch class. She never

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missed a single class. I was touched that she gave up her afternoon for my selfishness. “Masaki-kun? What‟s wrong?” I pushed in past Yuki and went to the fridge. Her family didn‟t have any beer, but there was some sake sitting out. I filled a cup and drank it down in one take. When I turned around, Yuki was watching me from the doorway, her brown eyes wide with confusion. “Masakikun?” I went to her, stopping just short of touching her as I loomed over her. “Sleep with me.” “Wh—what?” I took a step into her and brushed a hand across her face, moving her hair behind her ear. “It‟s just what I said, sleep with me.” “Wha—I—” She blushed suddenly, realizing I meant what I said. “Masaki-kun, what‟s this all about?” She touched my face gently. I thought that her hands felt as soft as Keigo‟s. “You don‟t seem yourself today.” As I lowered my face to hers, I whispered, “I don‟t even know my own self anymore.” She didn‟t resist when I kissed her. And when I opened my lips over hers, she slowly parted her own and let me in. I scooped her tiny frame up into my arms. Her breasts were soft and plush against my chest. She felt nothing like Keigo. Dammit, stop thinking about him! He’s nobody, not anymore. I lifted her into my arms and carried her to her girly, frilly bedroom. I placed her gently onto the bed on her back and climbed over her. Still kissing her, I unbuttoned my shirt, slipped out of it, and tossed it away. I fell on top of her, covering her entire tiny body with mine. She seemed so small and delicate. I wondered if I would hurt her. I broke from her lips and moved down her chin, my hands going to her breasts. I groaned, loving the feel of them filling my hands. She was making tiny, helpless noises under me, but it wasn‟t out of fear or wanting to flee, she just didn‟t know how to react. I had never done

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this for her before and my guess was this was her first time being touched sexually at all. She was so innocent. Could I really be the one to take that innocence? “Oh,” Yuki said into my ear. “What‟s this?” She touched a spot on my neck and I frowned. “What?” Yuki mirrored my frown, her fingers tracing over a small spot on my neck near my collarbone. “Looks like a bite or something.” I tensed, remembering Keigo sucking on my shoulder in the shower. I guess he left a mark. “I ran into something.” The lie came so easy. Yuki frowned harder. “You were fighting again, weren‟t you? You know how that worries me. You shouldn‟t fight anymore, Masaki-kun, you‟re better than that” I almost laughed. “No, I‟m really not. But I promise, I haven‟t been fighting.” And that was the truth. The bullies stopped coming after me after that last “homo” jumping incident about a week after I started hanging out with Keigo. I wondered what that meant. “I‟m okay.” Physically. She smiled and lifted her head, kissing me again. I liked that she was taking some initiative. That could only mean she meant to really do this. As I was kissing Yuki, feeling her curvy body under mine, my thoughts kept straying to Keigo. I kept thinking about how different they felt. But Yuki was a woman and Keigo was a man. Of course they felt different. Realizing I was thinking about him again, I chided myself. “Masaki-kun?” Yuki touched my cheek, looking deep into my eyes. “I‟m really worried about you. This doesn‟t seem like you.” I shook my head. “I know.” “What happened? Why all of this all the sudden?” I sighed heavily and rolled off Yuki, going to my back on the bed. I tossed an arm over my eyes. “I don‟t know. I don‟t know who I am anymore. Or what I‟m doing. I like you, but I really don‟t see this going anywhere. I‟m just being selfish, wanting to sleep with you right now. I know it‟s not fair, to me or you, but I just don‟t know what I‟m doing.”

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Yuki was silent for so long that I thought she‟d left. I lifted my arms and opened my eyes. “What‟s wrong?” I sat up. “Why are you crying?” “I have something to tell you, Masaki-kun.” “Okay,” I said unsure of her tone, but knew I probably wouldn‟t like it. “I think we should break up.”

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“SON of a bitch,” I groaned, face pressed to the bed under an angry hand. The moment Masaki left, Kaname violently showed me to my bedroom. I was helpless in the wake of his anger and tumbled to the bed, lost to his strength. Kaname moved quickly and precisely, tying my hands behind my back with his necktie. I should have resisted, could have, but I knew it was pointless in the end. Kaname would have me no matter what, and if he wanted me restrained, it was going to happen. It was my own fault anyway. I brought it all upon myself. My biggest regret was admitting out loud that I loved Kaname. I knew it had been true once, but now I wasn‟t so sure. And while I gave my body over to Kaname and his anger, my mind was still my own. And I was fucking pissed. I was pissed at myself. At Kaname. For the first time in years I was ready to fight back against him, even if only in angry words. Still, I knew they were not the words I needed to be saying. The words to end it with my beloved senpai. “Fuck you, Kaname.” He grabbed my hair and yanked my head back to a severe angle. “I intend to do the fucking here, my sweet. Now shut up before your foul words taint my erection.” “Fuck you and your hard-on.” He let go of my hair and my head snapped forward to the bed. “You know,” he said moving over me. “I‟m starting to get really sick of this new attitude you‟ve adapted. Perhaps it wasn‟t you who tamed the lone wolf, but the wolf who has devoured you.” I gave a cynical laugh. “It‟s probably a little of both.”

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There was a sudden sting on the side of my face where he slapped me. “Did I ask for your opinion? Do I need to gag you to keep you quiet?” “Only if you don‟t like my words.” He leaned over me and I felt his erection against my lower back. He always got off more on hitting than being gentle. He was a monster. “I‟m not liking them much so far. Can you stop being so sour?” I pretended to think about it a moment. I knew what I wanted to say, but I had to pick the perfect words. “I have an answer for you, but I‟d like to face you.” “Fine.” He rolled me to my back, my hands still bound over my head. I knew I could hit him with them, but what was the point? It would just hurt me more in the end. “Nishikawa Kaname. I have adored and cherished you since I met you. Over time that adoration grew into puppy love. I would have done anything for you. When I got older, I knew that you were the one I wanted to be with forever.” He smiled smugly and moved down to kiss me. “But.” This stopped him and his eyes narrowed. “When you finally returned my feelings, I thought I could die happy. And I wished I had.” “Excuse me?” he hissed through clenched teeth. “Our first kiss is engraved into my mind, on my lips. I remember that moment when I‟m alone in bed and craving the touch of someone who loves me. But that someone isn‟t you. Not anymore. Because every moment since that first kiss you have been nothing but mean and abusive to me. You hurt me bad enough to bleed the first time you fucked me. You‟re a fucking sadist, Kaname.” Kaname was motionless over me, staring down, expression impassive. The reaction wasn‟t foreign to me. It was one I had seen plenty of times before. But this time I felt that he wasn‟t using it to mask his emotions so much as trying to figure them out. I had said what I wanted to say. I had thought that I wouldn‟t ever be able to speak those words to Kaname and not have a breakdown. But now, I felt relieved. Like they say in the movies, a

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burden was lifted from my shoulders, my very soul. I was no longer the Akatsuki Keigo that let my senpai and mentor use and abuse me. I was a new Akatsuki Keigo, one that would speak plainly, like my lone wolf who eats strawberries. I will speak plainly and be understood. I will be loved by someone who deserves me. Uchida Masaki. “Naruhodo,” he finally answered. I still couldn‟t tell what he was thinking. But it quickly became clear when he reached for me and grabbed my hair into his fist, lowering his face to mine. “I have to retrain my sweet, it seems. Your tongue has become rather loose. Your manner is that of a wild beast.” “You‟re the fucking wild beast here!” I wanted to spit in his face, and as soon as I thought it, I did. We were both shocked. I couldn‟t believe I had really done that, but sure enough, there it was, my spit on his face. I braced for the hit. It came swift and hard. I winced, gnashing my teeth, refusing to cry out. I felt a trickle of blood over my eye. “Oh, my sweet. It hurts me when you make me do these things to you.” “Make you,” I grumbled. “Make you? You fucking monster, you‟re the one who decides your own actions, not me.” He hit me again and grabbed my chin into his hand when my head snapped to the side. He wrenched me around, forcing me to look at him. “That man has been filling your head with nonsense. Very well.” He sighed and stood. “It seems I am forced to retrain you. How bothersome. You will see things my way soon enough.”

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“I DON‟T think I heard you right the first time,” I said, confused. Yuki frowned and looked away. “I think we should break up.” I sighed, slumping on the bed. “I thought that‟s what you said. Anyway, you‟re probably right.” Yuki blinked up at me, surprised. “You agree?” “Well, yeah. I mean, do you really see this going anywhere?” Yuki wrung her hands together, looking down. “Not the way you mean, no.” I frowned and touched her face, making her look up to me. She really was very cute, but bonds aren‟t built on cuteness. “Not the way I mean?” She let out a long breath as if bracing herself. “Yes, well, I was talking to Shizuka-chan a few days ago and she said something that‟s stuck with me.” “That ditz? Honestly I don‟t get why you are friends.” She only smiled coyly. “Yes, she‟s a bit ditzy, but she said something that I just couldn‟t forget. We were talking about us, you and I, and she said that you weren‟t my type. I laughed, of course. I don‟t really have a type, but I think she was right. If I did, you wouldn‟t be it. You‟re honest to a fault. While the honesty is nice, it‟s also hard to hear sometimes. You‟re so blunt. Anyway, she said that not only you‟re not my type, but that I didn‟t even like you.” I raised a curious eyebrow at her. That sounded pretty blunt to me. She smiled softly and continued. “And you know what, she was right. I don‟t like or dislike you either way. And do you want to know why?” I shrugged. “Sure.”

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“She said that I only wanted to fix you.” “Fix me?” I asked, surprised. I didn‟t know I was broken. “Yes, fix you. You‟re not right, Masaki-kun. You‟re hurting inside and have had no one to take that pain away. But you don‟t let people in to even start to help you.” I looked away. She was dead-on. I guess I always knew that. I knew that I wasn‟t the desire of her sexual or emotional needs. She wanted to heal some part of me. It wasn‟t until recently that I really understood this. I also knew she wasn‟t the one to fix me. “Yukichan.” I looked to her again and took her hands into mine. “You can‟t fix me.” “I know. Only he can.” I tensed, taking my hands back. “What?” Yuki shook her head softly. “Shizuka-chan also said that you resent me. That I‟m just keeping you from what you really want. That you don‟t want what I have to offer. I know now that she‟s right.” Yuki looked into my eyes. “You don‟t have to hide it anymore. I‟m sure you‟ve never lied to me before. But I know, that mark on your shoulder, it‟s not a bruise.” She sighed. “I know about you and Akatsuki-san.” I jumped to my feet. “How?” “My older brother, Kaname, he‟s been friends with Akatsukisan for a very long time. I may come off dense, but I know what they‟ve been doing together all this time. I also know my brother. He‟s a harsh, brutish man. Akatsuki-san, he‟s actually very sweet, innocent. Kaname, he‟s wrong, he‟s hurting Akatsuki-san. I love my brother, but he‟s not the person he once was.” “And us? What do you know about Akatsuki and me?” She sighed deeply and looked down to her lap. “That you two have been sleeping together.” I gave a start and then frowned. Until yesterday we‟d only fucked twice. Did Yuki think we‟d been at it like bunnies or something? I guess we kinda were last night.

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“Onii-chan thinks I don‟t know, that I haven‟t noticed, but I knew. And since you‟ve been friends with Akatsuki-san, you‟ve been calmer, less irritated. You haven‟t been in a single fight either.” I turned away, putting my back to her as I went for my shirt. She was right. I had been calmer and less irritated since I‟ve been hanging with Keigo. And I hadn‟t been in a single fight since that one incident. It wasn‟t that I was holding back when the thugs came for me so much as they hadn‟t been coming for me. “Oh, wait a minute. Are you saying Akatsuki is the reason the punks are staying away?” I spun to face her again. “I got jumped because of him.” Yuki nodded, looking up. “I know. Most bullies leave Akatsukisan alone because of Kaname. He‟s… his influence—no one will go near Akatsuki-san because of him. Those boys that came after you, they were new freshmen and didn‟t know about Kaname. But then, the day after they attacked you, well, let‟s just say Kaname‟s men gave them a proper lesson in violence. He thought they were after Akatsuki-san, his precious Keigo. You won‟t be seeing those boys again.” “Your brother is powerful?” I knew little about him, only that he traveled a lot, which is why I hadn‟t met him before. He had been out of town for the past five months on business. What business, I had no clue. “Yes. He‟s dangerous, Masaki-kun, and he‟s focused on you now. I heard him talking to one of his men and….” She stopped and let out a long sigh. “He wants you gone.” I laughed. Yuki looked horrified. “What is he, yakuza or something?” Yuki answered me by saying nothing, her eyes widening. “Oh come on,” I grumbled. “That‟s ridiculous.” “Think what you want, but know what my brother is. He‟s dangerous. He values family, his fiancée, and Akatsuki-san more than anything and would do anything to keep them all exactly the way they are. His things, his possessions.” I knew I remembered right, Kaname had a fiancée. “Engaged and fucking around with Akatsuki like some mistress?” I grumbled.

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Yuki‟s eyes softened as if to lessen the blow of her next words. “You were fucking around on me with Akatsuki-san like some mistress.” “Ouch,” I said and went to her on my knees. “That was honest of you. I‟m a bad influence, cursing and blunt.” She smiled coyly. “Perhaps.” “Look, I know I‟ve hurt you and I really am sorry about that. But it‟s just the way things ended up. I won‟t take it back, because that‟s impossible. All I can do is apologize and hope that you won‟t hate me for it. And you know, if you do, then so be it.” “I know that‟s just how you are. And I don‟t hate you. I just worry about you. In fact, I think I may even like you after all.” I lifted up on my knees and took her hands into mine. “You don‟t need to worry about me.” I kissed her gently and stood. “Thank you for being so kind. I never deserved you.” “Maybe,” she said as her cheeks reddened. “We can still be friends?” “Yeah,” I said smiling. “I‟d like that.” I gave her one last kiss on her cheek, and stood. I was almost out the door when I heard her tiny voice call out, “Do you love him?” I turned slowly and looked at her, confused. I knew the answer to that, but I couldn‟t even admit it to myself. How could I? “I….” I lowered my head and sighed. “I care about him. A lot.” “Well, I hope you find what you‟re looking for.” “Yeah, okay. The same for you.” I nodded. “Thank you, and I‟m sorry.” “No, I‟m sorry. I‟m sorry my brother is such a bad man. And Masaki-kun? Be careful and take care of him. Love Akatsuki-san the way he deserves.” In a daze, I left wondering how she seemed to know more of what I was feeling than I did. I decided to walk; our houses were only a few stops apart. I needed the time to think and clear my head. Yuki asked me if I loved Keigo. At the moment I wanted to kill him. But under that anger there was another emotion. Something deeper and stronger than pain. Though, in itself, it caused a pain I hadn‟t felt for

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another since Mother died. An emotion I had fought so long to suppress was now going to boil up out of me like a molten river and burn me to ashes.

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KANAME didn‟t spend as much time on me as I had expected. His excuse, he had a meeting to go to. So instead of beating and raping me all afternoon, he only spent a few hours putting me in my place. Only this time, I didn‟t submit to his angry hand. It took a brash and complicated lone wolf to make me realize that I could have someone by my side that cared for me. Even if he never said it, he showed it with the kindness of his hands on my body, the way he held me. His words were harsh, but his eyes were kind. Masaki may never be able to say those words to me, but I knew he cared for me. He might have even loved me. While in the shower, I found all of the aches and pains Kaname had gifted me with. Along with a gash over my right eye was an accompanying black eye, already swollen and purple. There was a handhold of bruises over my hips where he‟d held me down and around my wrists where he‟d tied me up. The back of my left shoulder was already showing a bruise where he bit too hard. There was also the dozen other bite marks all over my body. And my backside was burning with pain, making it difficult just to walk. I stopped bleeding shortly after he stopped having me, but I knew from past experience with Kaname that it would take a while to heal. I hobbled through my house, tidying up after the tornado of Kaname‟s rage. For only spending a short time here, the place was an utter disaster. He had ripped all of the movies from the bookshelves so that they were scattered across the living room floor. Some of the cases were broken where he had stepped on them. My big-screen TV was smashed, huge spider cracks across the front of it. In the bedroom, the bed was stripped down to the bare mattress, askew and spotted in blood. My blood. The only thing in the house

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Kaname didn‟t destroy was the piano he had given me. The one I never played. As I was cleaning up the bedroom, I came across a set of keys near my bedside on the floor. “Oh,” I said, staring at them in my hand, “they must belong to Masaki.” I frowned at the keys, wondering if I should take them to him. How else will he get into his place? I knew it was only an excuse to see him, but I was taking it. In less than ten minutes I was out the door and rushing off to Masaki‟s. It took longer to get to his place than my nerves could handle. Night was already growing late, and I started to wonder if this was a really stupid idea. When I reached Masaki‟s door, I stopped with my finger hovering over the buzzer. Can I really do this? Show my face to the one man I never wanted to hurt? I was ashamed at what I had done, at being so weak and letting Kaname own me. But no more. Just as Masaki had said he wasn‟t that person that the kids beat up, a bastard child, I was no longer that person that lets Kaname keep him as a pet. “I am Akatsuki Keigo. I am my own person. I am not a whore. I am not a tool for Kaname to use.” Saying it aloud didn‟t make it any more true, but it made me feel better. Having the confidence I needed, I pressed the bell. Silence. I wondered if he wasn‟t home—I did have his keys after all. I took in a deep breath and opened the door, letting myself into Masaki‟s apartment. I knew he would kill me for doing it, but I had to see Masaki if he was here. The moment I stepped inside, I knew why he didn‟t answer. I could hear water running from the bathroom. He was in the shower. There was music playing from somewhere and I smiled immediately, recognizing Hyde‟s super-sexy voice. I slipped out of my shoes and stopped, looking around. His place was a shoebox. It was only two rooms, the main living space and the bath. The bathroom door was directly across from the entrance, which I thought was a bad design for anyone coming out of the bath while the front door was open. There was a blanketed kotatsu in the middle of the space with a few pillows scattered around it. To the right was a small

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kitchenette. To the left was his futon, already laid out and made neatly, with a small orange cat sleeping soundly in the middle. But what stopped me in my tracks were the books. The entire flat was lined in stacks and stacks of books. It was a rival to my own movie collection. I moved deeper into the space and knelt in front of a stack, examining the titles. Most were in English: Dante, Goethe, Milton, Frost, Poe, Shakespeare, Shakespeare, and more Shakespeare. It was impressive to say the least. Masaki didn‟t seem the type, but they all appeared to have been read. “Wow,” I whispered and then flinched when the phone began to ring. Worried, I jumped to my feet, looking at the bathroom door. There was no change, Masaki either didn‟t hear it or he chose to ignore it. I dropped his keys on the kotatsu and thought that maybe I should leave. I was slipping my shoes on when the answering machine clicked on. A deep, masculine voice came through the tiny speaker. “Masaki? Masaki, if you‟re there please pick up.” There was some deep coughing. “It‟s important, son.” I stopped, blinking wide-eyed at the machine. The person on the other end was speaking in English. I understood English pretty well and knew exactly what he said. Son. It was Masaki‟s father. There was a heavy sigh. “Please son, pick up the phone.” I don‟t know what compelled me to pick up Masaki‟s phone. If he wasn‟t going to kill me for just showing up like this, he would for answering his phone. I clicked off the music player next to the phone. “Hello?” “Who‟s this?” “Uh,” I managed in English. “My name is Akatsuki Keigo, sir.” “I see. You‟re Masaki‟s friend then?” I had to wait for him to finish coughing to answer. “Yes.” He harrumphed. “Your English is pretty good, but perhaps you‟d prefer Japanese?” “Thank you,” I said, returning to Japanese. His own Japanese was good and I wondered if he was really American, as I had

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suspected. His accent was almost perfect. “You said it was important? Is everything okay?” “Yeah,” he sighed again and I smiled to myself, thinking he sounded a lot like Masaki with that one word. “As such matters between father and son are.” “I don‟t understand.” “You know, I half thought that maybe he‟d forgiven me when I heard you pick up the phone. But then you spoke and I knew it wasn‟t him.” He fell into another coughing fit and I waited patiently. When he was done, he sighed deeply. “Masaki never takes my calls.” I frowned, thinking it was sad to deny a father who actually wanted to talk to you. “Why?” There was a curt laugh on the other end. “He thinks I abandoned him and his mother. That when she was sick I did nothing. I tried, but his mother, she was always so strong-willed for a Japanese woman. That‟s what I had loved and hated about her.” “Are you saying that you tried to help when she was dying?” “You‟re awfully blunt. I see why Masaki likes you. Yes, I tried to come and see her, but she refused. I tried to send money, to see that she was taken care of and my son, that he was taken care of. Again refused.” I slumped, sitting on the bed. I forgot about the cat and almost sat on her. She gave me an angry growl and ran off to the other side of the room to disappear under the kotatsu blanket. “I see. That sounds like something Masaki would do.” The man laughed in his deep, boisterous voice and then fell into coughing. I felt bad for him, thinking that while he had a deep, strong voice, he sounded very weak and tired. “I‟m surprised he has a friend. And one that seems to understand him so well.” “Thank you, sir.” It was all I could think of to answer. “I should go now. Could you tell Masaki to please call his father? I have to talk to him. I want him to take his inheritance and live happily.” “He refuses it?”

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“He didn‟t tell you? Well, I guess that‟s no surprise. It‟s like Masaki to keep everything to himself. His mother left him a good deal of money, and a house, but he refuses to take it. He ever tell you about the strawberries?” “Strawberries? You mean—” “Yeah. Masaki‟s a salty sort of guy, you know? But he loves those damn strawberries because his mother grew them at the house he grew up in. The patch is still there in fact. The neighbor who watches the house says she sends Masaki a batch whenever there‟s enough.” “I see,” I mumbled. So even the strawberries had a special significance. I almost felt bad for using them as a way to draw Masaki to me the first time I kissed him. “With old lady Chiharu‟s help, I‟ve been watching the place for Masaki, but things are changing. I need him to accept it, even if he never accepts me. Before things are too late. Perhaps you can speak to him on my behalf.” “I don‟t understand. Are you saying—” “Listen, uh—Keigo, was it? I have to go. Please let Masaki know I called and talk him into hearing me out. While he still can.” “Um, but—” Before I could protest, he hung up. I frowned at the receiver in my hand and then flinched when I felt a pair of eyes on me. “Masaki! I, um….” I hung up the phone and jumped to my feet. He was standing in the doorway to the bedroom, glaring and naked. My body and heart ached, thinking that maybe I had lost him forever. “What the fuck are you doing here, Akatsuki?” I frowned and looked away, trying to respect his nakedness. “I‟m sorry. I didn‟t mean to invade your privacy, but you forgot your keys at my place.” I pointed to the low table and chanced a quick glance at Masaki. He dropped his arms and stomped up to me. He looked like his emotions had suddenly boiled to the surface and he was angry. “You sorry son of a bitch.” His fist was cocked and ready to hit home. I shut my eyes and waited for the blow I knew I deserved. But it never came.

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“Damn,” he hissed and I opened my eyes. “How am I supposed to hit someone who looks as pathetic as you?” The tears started to well. I couldn‟t stop it. I gasped when he reached out and touched my face gently near my busted eye. “What happened? You fall down some stairs or did he do this?” I collapsed onto his bed. I looked down, elbows resting on my knees. “He was putting me in my place.” Masaki made a rude noise and I looked up, watching him stomp angrily around his room. He pulled on a pair of jeans, forgetting his underwear, and then went for the refrigerator. He opened the freezer, reached in, and came back with a bag of frozen peas. “Here,” he grumbled, coming to me. “Baka, you should have iced it before. Looks like it needs stitches.” “You‟re not angry?” I asked, bewildered, as I blinked up at him. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared down at me. “Yeah, I am. I want to beat the shit out of you right now.” He sighed heavily and sat down next to me with a grunt. “But when I see your face, beaten like that, I kinda feel bad. Besides, I‟m more mad at Kaname than you.” I pressed the peas to my eye. It hurt even more touching it, but I knew if I didn‟t ice it, it would look worse tomorrow. I was probably asking for trouble, but I had to ask. “How do you figure that?” He turned enough to look me full in the face. “You‟re like an abused wife, stuck with her husband out of honor and servitude to him. You don‟t know how to break free.” “I guess….” I mumbled and looked away, unable to see the look of compassion in his expression. “Kaname‟s the reason you have a bad rap at school, isn‟t he? He‟s the reason everyone thinks you‟re a whore and you have no friends.” I sighed heavily. “Yes. He‟s been my captor for so long. I‟ve lived my life according to his rule. At first, I guess I wanted to. But now…. It‟s taken me a long time, but I‟ve been standing up to him more and more lately. I tried to stand up to him today, but still he hurt me.” In fact, I think I was damn near insolent and nasty to him. Only, Kaname was nastier.

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“I see that.” I shook my head. “Why don‟t you hate me? I lied to you about Kaname. I told you we weren‟t sleeping together when we have been.” For years. I sighed and looked down. “I hate me.” Masaki reached out and touched my face again in that gentle gesture. “And when you said you loved him, you meant that, didn‟t you?” I looked into his eyes. My chest hurt. He was being too kind to me, kinder than I deserved. I wanted to kiss him so bad in that moment. I needed to feel his lips against mine, and his love. But I couldn‟t bear the thought of him turning me away. The fact that he hadn‟t beaten the shit out of me and chased me off meant I had a small chance with him still. “I, when I said that I was still confused. While he was ra—hurting me, I realized that I stopped loving him long ago.” In truth, I wondered if I ever did. I was beginning to believe that I truly hadn‟t. “And me? What are you doing with me?” My heart started to race and I licked my lips nervously. “I think only of you. I can‟t get you out of my mind. I, that day when you got beaten up because of me, a piece of me died. It killed me that I couldn‟t do anything for you. You wouldn‟t even let me stay with you. And you never blamed me for it. You let me stay your friend, even after that. You are my first real friend since… I can‟t remember how long. And then we got to be together like real lovers and that was the happiest moment of my life. “Before Kaname, I only slept with one person, just to lose my virginity. After Kaname, I slept with several more people, men and women. But they were all to get back at Kaname for using me like he did. None of them meant a thing to me. Not until you, Masaki-kun. You make me so happy, I can‟t think sometimes because I‟m consumed by you.” I stopped and we stared at each other. I couldn‟t tell what he was thinking, only that I was going to finally tell him what I had been feeling. It was against my better judgment, but if I didn‟t tell him how I felt, I would regret it. I had a feeling that I might regret it either way. I licked my lips and said, “Masaki, I- I‟ve fallen in love with you.”

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“Really?” He didn‟t look as surprised, or happy, as I thought he should be. “Really?” I repeated sharply. “Is that all you have to say? I just told you that I love you.” He gave me a considering look. “Well, you told Kaname you loved him too. I‟m just taking it as it is.” I was starting to feel angry. “What do you mean, as it is?” Masaki seemed so calm, but his eyes were burning with anger. He still wanted to hit me and I almost wished he would. “I mean, it seems to me that you fall in love easily. Is that it, you tell everyone you fuck that you love them?” I sighed and shut my eyes, knowing I couldn‟t be angry. He had the right to hate me. I was happy that he let me stay and say this much. “No. It‟s only been you and Kaname. But I‟m telling you the truth when I say I no longer feel that way for him. In truth, I think I stopped loving him years before I realized it. I… I don‟t even like him anymore. He never loved me, he just used me for my body and I was weak. I have always been weak, letting others walk all over me. But it was you, Masaki-kun, that made me want to be different. Because of you, I found my own strength to be the person I want to be. I admire you. And I love you.” I stopped, feeling the weight of my own words. They were all things I had been thinking, but never spoke aloud. They felt suddenly true, having finally said them. Masaki was sitting next to me, silent. Curious, I looked up and saw him watching me. Expression impassive, he said, “I don‟t want to see you again.”

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KEIGO jumped to his feet. “What! What do you mean you don‟t want to see me again?” “Do I need to say it in another language for you to understand?” Keigo made a surprised noise, like he had just remembered something. “Masaki, you‟re half American, aren‟t you?” “What? What does that have to do with anything?” Mattaku, he‟s really lost it. “You‟re a natural blond.” “Huh?” “You dye over your natural color to make it brassy, so others think you‟re a native.” He pointed at my crotch. “But your hair there is blond. And you eat dinner sitting on the sofa and when you‟re relaxed or in bed you forget Japanese and talk in English. You‟re half Japanese, half American, aren‟t you?” I crossed my arms over my chest. He was right, but we were getting really off topic. “Okay, your point?” “You‟re father, he‟s American, right?” I was instantly angry. “Great detective work, now get the fuck out.” “Wait. I‟m—it‟s relevant. Look, don‟t be angry but I answered your phone earlier.” I balled my hands into tight fists. “You what?” That explained why he was holding the phone when I came out of the bathroom. I thought maybe he was calling someone. I knew I should have kicked his ass.

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“Please, hear me out. I was just going to leave your keys and go, but then your phone rang and the man on the other end said it was important. I know I had no right to answer, but it was important.” “You‟re fucking right you had no goddamned right. Now get the fuck out!” I grabbed him, but he wouldn‟t move. I didn‟t have the heart to beat an already-beaten man, but I was on the verge. “Masaki. Listen to me, your father, I think he‟s dying!” I stopped grappling with Keigo and frowned. “What?” Keigo sighed and his expression softened. “He said that he wanted you to understand him, before it was too late. I think he‟s dying, Masaki. He sounded sick. He said he wants you to accept the money and house your mother left you.” I lost it then and hit Keigo. It wasn‟t until he fell back onto my bed, clutching his cheek, that I realized I really did it. I felt horrible, but still found the angry words to batter him with. “That‟s none of your fucking business. Now get out.” He frowned hard, his eyes full of sympathy. He stood, reaching for me. “Masaki.” It took everything in me not to hit him again. “Akatsuki. If you don‟t leave right now, I‟m seriously going to hurt you. I‟ll only warn you once.” He sighed and nodded. “I understand.” I stood by my bed, arms crossed, and glared at him. When he had his shoes on, he turned and said, “I‟m not sorry we met, Masaki. I am sorry that you don‟t believe me. I really do love you. And I‟m sorry that you won‟t let me heal you. I really had hoped we could be more and that you would accept life the way your mother wanted you to.” “Get the fuck out!” I rushed him and his eyes widened. He slipped out the door and I slammed it shut behind him, screaming in English, “Fucking asshole!” I don‟t know what came over me then, but I lost it. I screamed and threw my things around my room like a fucking child lost in a tantrum. When I was done, I crumbled on top of my bed. Molly climbed atop my chest, staring into my face, and I petted her

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mindlessly. Feeling her fur under my hands, her soft purring, was comforting. It helped calm me, let me think clearly. When I came out of the shower earlier and saw Keigo in my room, I wanted to take him into my arms and kiss him more than hit him. Talking to Yuki had made me understand Keigo a little more, and, at the same time, understand my feelings for him. Then he told me he loved me and I panicked. I knew he was telling me his true feelings, but I was scared, so I turned it around on him. I wasn‟t prepared for his sudden confession. Listening to him tell me about him and Kaname was hard to hear, but I believed him. And I believed that he really loved me and hated the man who had held him captive for so long. I knew that Yuki was right and what I felt for Keigo was something more. Something real. Even after I had so foolishly said I didn‟t want to see him again, I knew I was willing to let him talk it out, but I had wanted to move at my own pace. I needed time to think. Time to think and sort my shit, and then we could talk. But then, he brought up the one subject I do not talk about. My family. Who the fuck did that Keigo think he was, putting his nose into my business like that? He had no right to talk to my dad. Even while I was angry at him for invading my privacy like that, the things he said to me upset me more. Dad wanted me to take the things that Mother left for me. It was my own stupid pride that refused. I had told him to sell the house and do whatever with the money, that I didn‟t want it. He refused. The neighbor was even taking care of the place and sent me batches of strawberries—Mom‟s legacy. And now, according to Keigo, Dad‟s dying too. I tossed an arm over my eyes. “Do I care? Do I care if the man who abandoned me dies?” I frowned as I felt my face warm. Yeah, I guess I did. I let out a long sigh. “God, I‟m so fucked up. Mother, what do I do?” I lay in bed for hours, thinking about Keigo. I thought about Dad too. Even thought about calling him back for once. In the end I did what I always did: nothing. It must have been past midnight when I woke with a start. The phone was ringing. I rolled over with a groan. I

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wasn‟t going to answer it, but when it started to ring a second time, I sat up and picked up the receiver. “Yeah, what?” “Masaki?” I frowned into the receiver. I was happy that it wasn‟t Keigo. Instead, it was a female voice I didn‟t recognize. “Yeah?” She let out a long sigh. Her voice was shaky and soft, like she was upset. “I- it‟s your—I‟m Lucy Gray—don‟t hang up, please.” I frowned harder. Gray was Dad‟s last name. Lucy was his second wife. My stepmom. Dad, I usually hung up on when he called, but I‟d never hung up on Lucy, seeing as this was the first time she‟d called me. I‟d never even met her. “I,” she sighed. “I hope you can understand me. I‟m sorry I don‟t speak any Japanese.” “No,” I said in English. “I understand you fine.” I‟m 100% bilingual, always have been. She made a noise into my ear that may have been the start of a laugh. “I see. Your father always said how keen and smart you are.” I tensed, unsure of what to say to that. It was strange to hear that Dad had been praising me. Thankfully, Lucy started to talk again. “Masaki, I‟m sorry to call you like this, I know how awkward it must be.” She let out a long breath. “I don‟t even know what time it is there, but I—” Her voice broke off and it sounded like she was trying not to cry. “Lucy? What‟s wrong?” She let out a long, shaky breath. “I- I‟m sorry, Masaki, I- it‟s your father. Something‟s happened.”

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A LITTLE over a week since the day Masaki kicked me out of his life went by. I thought that I‟d see him in passing at school and I could talk to him. But I didn‟t. Not in literature, on the roof, or anywhere on campus. He just disappeared. Every time I tried his cell phone, it rang straight to voicemail. Summer break was coming up fast and I knew I might lose my chance to see him again until September. Maybe forever. This morning, as I was getting ready for school, I decided I would go by his place and check on him. I couldn‟t get him out of my mind and I was worried. By the time I was done with my last class, I had my nerve worked up to actually follow through with my plan. When I got to his place, dusk was setting in and I could see a light on under the door. I steadied myself with lots of deep breaths until I had nearly made myself dizzy. Deciding I couldn‟t really brace myself fully for Masaki, I just went for it and hit the buzzer. The door opened quickly and I let out the breath I had been holding, blinking down in surprise at the person before me. “Nishikawa-san?” Standing there in a pair of pink pajamas, Yuki looked as shocked as I felt. “Ah! Akatsuki-san.” “Uh, I—oh my God,” I stammered, instantly embarrassed, realizing that I had interrupted them. “I‟m sorry, I didn‟t mean to— I‟ll go.” I spun, intending to leave. “No, wait.” Yuki grabbed me from behind and pulled me to a stop. “Please don‟t go.” I turned to face her, frowning. “But—” I glanced to the open door behind her. The door opened in a way that I only saw the right half of the room, where the kitchenette was. The bed was out of view.

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I was sure Masaki was sitting there. Maybe he was half-dressed, fuming with silent anger at hearing my voice, praying for my death just so I‟d leave and he could fuck his girlfriend in peace. Yuki giggled and tugged on my arm again. “Oh you silly, he‟s not here. Come inside, I want to talk to you.” “Me?” I asked, confused, as I followed her in and took off my shoes. I only knew Yuki through her brother. We‟d never really talked because Kaname had monopolized me whenever I was at his home in the past. Yuki went to the bed and plopped down, pulling the orange cat into her lap. When I was done with my shoes, Yuki patted the bed next to her, and I gave her a skeptical look. She giggled. “Stop being so modest. Come here and sit. I just want to talk to you.” “Okay,” I drawled, feeling super-confused. “You know, this makes me a little uncomfortable.” “It‟s okay. I won‟t tell onii-chan that you were here with me.” It wasn‟t that. Masaki, he‟d be the one that would be angry to know I was here. I didn‟t care what Kaname thought of me anymore. “I, um. What‟s going on?” Yuki sighed, looking at the cat in her lap, petting it tenderly. “Masaki-kun is out of town. I‟m watching Molly-chan here for him.” She looked up, sorrow in her eyes. “His father died.” I gasped, taken aback. “Oh no.” I was really upset by the news. I loved Masaki, and while he seemed to dislike his own father, it was still upsetting to know that someone you had ties with had lost a family member. The words his father had said to me over a week ago came fresh to my mind again. He knew he was dying. He had tried one last time to resolve his relationship with his son. I should have pushed him harder to listen to his father, even if meant me losing Masaki forever. “Oh, Masaki,” I whispered. “Yeah. Apparently he had been sick for a long time. Lucy, that‟s his father‟s second wife, she refused to bury him until Masaki-kun came. It took her some convincing and some influence on my part, but he went.”

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“When did it happen?” Yuki shot me a worried look and then went back to petting Molly. “Um, actually that same day you spoke to him. It was… sudden.” I slumped, frowning hard. I had thought he sounded sick, but not that sick. My heart ached for Masaki. “I see. So, um….” “Listen. I know everything.” I looked up, shock tingling through me. “I know that my brother has been using you for years as his own personal sex toy. I know that you and Masaki-kun were sleeping together.” I felt so ashamed. “I‟m so sorry.” “You have nothing to be sorry for, Akatsuki-san. I‟m glad to hear that you finally stood up to my brother.” “I wish I had done it sooner, before I hurt Masaki. I hurt you.” She touched my hand lightly. “No, you didn‟t. Kaname is a jerk and needs to be put in his place. Masaki-kun, he‟s….” She let out a long sigh. “Masaki is hardheaded and stubborn. He does only what he wants and he thinks more than what he says, despite the fact that it seems like he says everything. And as rudely as possible.” We both giggled at that, knowing it was true. Masaki was blunt and to the point, but he had seemed to be holding back his feelings more than not lately. “I talked to Masaki-kun that night you two fought. I, we broke up because I realized something. That I didn‟t want to be with him, I wanted to fix him.” Yuki was blushing hard, though for what I couldn‟t tell. I smiled, thinking she was really adorable. Then again, she had always been adorable. “Yeah,” I said softly, “I thought I could fix him too.” She jumped into me, startling Molly and me both. The cat ran off. I gave Yuki wide eyes. “That‟s just it, you can! You have. Masaki-kun has changed so much since he‟s known you. He was becoming less irritable, easier to talk to. He was actually talking about personal things for once.”

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I sighed and moved back until I was resting against the wall. “I guess.” “Akatsuki-san,” she said with a bit of a scolding tone. “He slept with you. The Masaki-kun I knew would never, ever consider sleeping with a man. If he said yes, then he had to have really, really liked you. You.” She shrugged lightly. “More than he liked me anyway.” I frowned hard. “I‟m so sorry, Nishikawa-san. I didn‟t mean to—” She suddenly smiled hard even as a healthy blush took over. “What?” “It‟s really okay. You and Masaki-kun found each other. I‟m happy for you both. You deserve someone who will treat you well and Masaki-kun needs someone who doesn‟t take his bad attitude personally. Besides, I found someone too.” “Really? That‟s great.” “Yeah,” she answered, going redder. “I‟m really happy. It‟s um, it‟s actually Haruka-chan.” I was pleasantly shocked. I remembered Haruka. Along with her other sidekick, Shizuka, the three were always together. But where Shizuka was loudmouthed and ditzy, Haruka was quiet and kept to herself. Shizuka had only recently joined their little group, a few years ago, but Haruka and Yuki had been best friends since they were little, longer than I‟ve known her. “Oh yeah?” “Mhm, so I understand a little of what you are going through. Anyway, this is about you and Masaki-kun. Listen, you were telling the truth when you said you loved him, right?” “Yes. That‟s why I came here, I was worried. Ever since that night, we… I haven‟t seen Masaki in over a week. I had to make sure he was okay, even if he didn‟t want to see me again.” “You think he doesn‟t want to see you?” “Uh, yeah. He said as much.” I was starting to get uncomfortable on the bed so I got up and went to the fridge. He had some beer that I knew Yuki wouldn‟t drink. I started to reach for one and saw a bowl of strawberries. I took a few of those instead and smiled, thinking they were the strawberries his mother grew for him.

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“How could he be with someone weak like me anyway? He deserves someone better than me.” “And my brother, you think he‟s strong?” “There‟s no comparison. He‟s the strongest person I know.” “Men,” she scoffed and then let out a heavy sigh. “Let me explain something about my big brother. He‟s the weakest person I know.” “How do you figure that?” “A strong man wouldn‟t have to do the things he does to you to keep you, make you love him. He‟s terrified that you‟ll leave him one day, so scared that you‟ll find someone better that he does those harsh and cruel things to you. It has nothing to do with love and wanting, and everything to do with control over another as a coping mechanism for his own neurosis. Kaname is severely damaged.” I frowned hard, thinking on her words. The logical part of my brain said she was right. But that wasn‟t the part I worked off of most days. “And Masaki?” “He‟s afraid too. But for a different reason. He may not say so, ever, but he loves you. I know he does. But at the same time he fears that closeness, that commitment, because everyone he has loved has left him. He‟s been alone for a long time and thinks that‟s the safest way to live. No one can hurt you if you‟re alone, right? I may not know Masaki-kun as well as I‟d like, but I know he loves you in a way my brother could never understand. Kaname only understands fear and violence.” I guess that has something to be with being yakuza. I had always known who and what Kaname was, I just chose to ignore it. Look where it got me. I let out a long breath. “Wow, Nishikawa-san. I always thought you were kind of shy and maybe not so bright.” She gave me a look, but was smiling behind her annoyance. “Sorry. But, you know, you‟re really smart.” She stood. “I am studying for a psych degree.” “Maybe I should be your first patient.” “Keigo-kun,” she said, using my given name with the familiar honorific for the first time. She touched my arm lightly with her

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fingertips. “Don‟t give up on Masaki-kun. He needs you as much as you need him.” “And your brother?” She stiffened. “He‟s still using you?” “Yeah,” I said, looking away, ashamed. Nothing I said got through to Kaname. I was mean, rude, and cursed him every time he touched me. I made it clear his very presence was repulsive. But he didn‟t care, he still took me, beating and bleeding me, his attempt to “retrain” me. The beast was relentless. “Nothing I say matters to him. I have been physically fighting back, but that does nothing either. I just don‟t know what to do. I wish I had never confessed to him.” Yuki made a dismissive noise. “You would never have understood the feeling of meeting someone generous if you didn‟t know hardship already. What Kaname did to you was beyond unfortunate, but it was the path your life took. It made you the person you are today.” “And what if I don‟t like the person I am today?” She stared up at me, considering. “I think if you gave Akatsuki Keigo a chance, you‟ll see what Uchida Masaki sees in him.” I scooped her up into my arms and squeezed her to me. She gave a surprised yelp, but then relaxed and hugged me back. “Thank you.” I kissed her on the cheek. She had the skin of a porcelain doll. “Thank you so much, Yuki-chan.” “Keigo-kun?” She looked up into my eyes, her expression deadly serious. “I understand how you feel about Kaname, but he doesn‟t. Well, more like refuses to. You need to say the right words to make it all stop. Don‟t be afraid, just… say it.” I frowned hard. I had an idea of what she was saying, but I knew it would be nearly impossible. “Okay, now.” She took a step back and wiped at her eyes. “That‟s enough. Now get out of here before Masaki-kun comes back.” I tensed, anxious. The thought of seeing him again made my pulse increase. We‟d only been apart a short time, but I missed him in a way I‟d never felt before. “He‟s back today?”

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“Mhm,” she answered, nodding. “Yep, he‟s on the plane now. Listen. You do what I say, and I think you two can be together again.” She got a dark look in her eyes that I‟d never seen before in all the years I‟ve known her. It made her attractive in a way I didn‟t know she could be, and my pulse increased. “I‟ll take care of big brother.”

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FOURTEEN hours on a plane had left me cranky and sore. The time in the States seeing my “other” family was exhausting in itself. I learned a lot in my few days there. Father, though he‟d never had a single cigarette in his life, had had lung cancer. Very progressive lung cancer at that. Explained why his efforts to get in touch with me doubled last year. I had suspected there was some reason for it, but still I let my bullheadedness rule me. I hadn‟t really felt guilty until the second day. Lucy, Dad‟s second wife, had insisted I stay with her while I was there. I think she needed the comfort of having another warm body in that huge house. I don‟t know, maybe I‟m going soft, but I gave in and stayed. It was during the second day, when I was giving her a hand with dinner, that Lucy started to just talk. She spoke as if I wasn‟t there, talking about me in the third person, though she was clearly directing her speech at me. She had said that my father had loved me deeply. He had talked about me all the time. He would always talk about how much he regretted not trying harder to go back to Japan while Midori was sick. But mother adamantly refused him. When he tried to offer money to cover her expenses, she again refused. I understood that about Mom; she was a strong and proud woman. She was the strongest person I‟d ever known. Dad had also talked to Lucy about how much he wanted to see me again, just once before he died. He said that he didn‟t care if I wouldn‟t accept him, he just wanted to tell his only son how much he loved him to his face, one last time. Later, I drank myself retarded. It wasn‟t until I got into bed that the full weight of Lucy‟s tearful words hit me. I broke down and cried like I hadn‟t since Mother died. I remembered Dad, growing up, as strong and kind. He had really loved me, I knew that and still I denied 152

my father‟s feelings. I never gave him the chance he deserved to make amends. And I knew I would regret it forever. That night was also the first time since I‟d known him that I thought, “I wish Keigo was with me.” For the first time in years, I needed someone to hold me. To tell me things were going to be okay. I needed Keigo. I pushed through the crowd at the airport to the outside. “Oh man,” I mumbled aloud with a sigh, “I need a bath.” It was later than I had expected. The flight ended up being delayed at the changeover in France. I wondered if I should take the train home or get a cab. As a gaijin woman with two children ran into me and then left without apologizing, I decided it was safer for everyone if I took a cab. As I settled in the back, resting my head on the seat, I started to drift off. The sway of the cab didn‟t help. The moment my eyes shut he popped into my mind. Keigo, lying on his stomach, chin propped on his elbows, smiling at me as we lay together naked in bed. His hair was loose, hanging like a raven curtain around his face. Even with his soft features and long hair, he was still masculine enough to be all man. I remembered the silk of his hair slipping through my fingers. I remembered studying the delicate curve of his lips. I remembered savoring the taste of those lips under mine. My eyes shot open and I stared up at the stained ceiling of the cab. I hadn‟t been busy, but had so many other things on my mind the past week that I hadn‟t had much time to think about him save for that errant thought about wanting him with me. The last time we saw each other, Keigo had told me he loved me. The problem was that I believed him. The look of desperation and need in his eyes broke my heart. But then I had to push him away. Despite my own feelings for him, I pushed him away. I was afraid. I knew that, but still I couldn‟t stop myself. Keigo had become my other regret in life. I wondered if I should call him. I knew the answer was yes. But the real question was, could I? I didn‟t shame or embarrass easily, and yet I felt both of those things when I thought about Keigo. I did him wrong. I did us wrong. “This okay?” The driver said, snapping me from my musings. We were stopped outside my apartment building.

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“Yeah, thanks.” I shambled out of the car and up to my place. The light was off and I suspected Yuki was probably asleep. Trying to be quiet, I slipped into my room and out of my shoes. Leaving my travel bag by the front door, I went to the bed, where Yuki curled up against the wall into a ball. Molly had wedged herself between Yuki‟s chest and knees, against her stomach. I smiled, thinking they were adorable together, and knelt at the side of the bed. Ever since we broke up, Yuki and I have been even closer. It‟s strange to say it now, but we‟re friends. Before we were just in these roles of boyfriend and girlfriend. Now that we weren‟t forced into the parts of someone we weren‟t meant to be, we both relaxed. Turns out, Yuki‟s a really sweet girl and smarter than I gave her credit for. She was my first real friend, after Keigo. “Yuuuukiii-chan,” I sang softly. I reached out and brushed her hair across her face, pushing it behind her ear. She was so warm I wondered if she had a fever. She moaned softly and then her eyes slowly blinked open. She smiled when she saw me. “Hi, welcome home.” “Hey. How were things?” She gave a deep yawn, stretching so that her pale legs shot out of the bottom of the blanket. Molly, pissed that she was disturbed, ran off. “Mmm, fine.” She pulled her legs back into the blanket, curling into her sleep ball again. “Molly-chan is a good kitty. No trouble.” I nodded and sat up on the bed, looking down at her. “Sorry I‟m so late, my flight was delayed. You want to sleep here? I promise I‟ll behave… you know, unless you don‟t want me to.” She smiled tiredly and batted my chest with the back of her hand. “Don‟t be saucy.” She sighed deeply and shut her eyes. “Thanks.” “Hey, no problem at all. I owe you.” Her smile returned. “That‟s right. You‟re taking me to dinner Friday night.” “Really?” I asked, smiling. “You know, I like you this way, Yuki-chan.” Not bothering to open her eyes, she asked, “What way?” “The honest Yuki-chan, saying what she really thinks.”

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She snuggled deeper into the blankets. “I learned it from this hardheaded guy I used to date. He was super cute and equally as grumpy, said whatever he wanted, came off as a real jerk, but he was a great guy.” I chuckled. She paused for a moment and then asked, “And your family, is everything okay?” “My dad died,” I said plainly. Yuki opened her eyes. Seeing the look on my face, she reached out of the blanket and touched my hand. “I‟m know, Masaki-kun. Is there anything I can do?” I thought for a brief second that I was feeling a little horny and could use some sexual healing, but thought she might take the joke badly. “No. I‟ve worked everything out. I‟m okay.” She smiled and shut her eyes again. “That‟s good. You seem calm, Masaki-kun, like you have found some peace finally. I‟m glad.” “Yeah,” I whispered, “Yeah, I have.” At least with my father. Now I just had to fix my other personal issues. I kissed Yuki on the forehead. “Go back to sleep, I‟ll take the floor.” She said nothing and I wondered if she was already asleep. I gave her one last soft kiss on her forehead and turned to the bathroom, giving grumpy Molly a quick pet on my way by. As I slipped into a hot bath, I thought that it was a shame it took us this long to become real friends. I liked Yuki. I valued her as my only friend. “Yeah,” I sighed. “Really too bad. I guess we‟ll just have to keep in touch after I leave.”

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“THIS is fucking stupid,” I mumbled to myself. “He‟s not coming.” I was sitting on the roof, finishing my lunch, alone. I had come here every day since that night Masaki had kicked me out. I wanted a chance to see him again. And after talking with Yuki, I was more determined than ever. Two days ago Yuki had said that he was due home that night. So I had expected him back in school yesterday. Today at the latest. But still no Masaki. I wanted to call Yuki and ask her if she knew where he was, but I couldn‟t bear the thought that she knew and couldn‟t tell me. If he had really wanted to talk to me, he would have called. And I didn‟t have the nerve to call him myself. I should have known this would happen anyway. I couldn‟t blame him for how he reacted after Kaname. Masaki had every right to feel angry at me. “He really does hate me,” I muttered. “Who hates you?” I gasped and looked up, completely shocked. “Masaki?” I whispered, not believing my eyes. He was really there, standing at the top of the steps with his hands in his jean pockets, watching me. I jumped to my feet, nearly spilling the last bites of my lunch. “Masaki, are you okay?” I could tell he was tired, I could see it in his eyes, but he seemed different somehow. He was stunningly handsome, as always, but there was something more, something that made him even more handsome. I couldn‟t say what it was, only that the very sight of him made my pulse race and my heart ache with the love I felt for him. “I thought you‟d be here.” I couldn‟t believe it, he was looking for me. “You could have called.”

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“Yeah, I know. But I had to say this to your face. Besides, you‟re pretty predictable.” I frowned, thinking that I wasn‟t. “What?” He came closer until he was standing only a few feet away. “I just wanted to tell you that I‟m leaving.” My whole body tensed. “Wh—what do you mean, leaving?” He shrugged lightly, hands still buried in his pockets nonchalantly like we were talking about the weather and not something that terrified me. “Just like I said. I‟m leaving. I‟ve already made all the plans. I leave Saturday, moving back to my hometown.” Everything around me stopped. He‟s going home? If I recalled, that was more than four hours away. I wouldn‟t see Masaki anymore. Remembering to breathe again, I sucked in a gasp and jumped forward. “Why? Why are you leaving?” He shrugged again. “It‟s time.” “I don‟t understand! Time for what?” Staring blankly at me, he answered, “To move on.” “What? I don‟t understand, Masaki. Please—” “That‟s all I have to say, Akatsuki.” He turned away. Just as I was about to protest, he stopped and glanced over his shoulder. “Oh yeah, and you should stop smoking. Good-bye, Akatsuki.” That wasn‟t the first time I‟d had to listen to him say good-bye like that, sounding so final. “Masaki!” I ran after him and hugged him from behind. He was tense for only a moment before relaxing. I buried my face into his neck and took in a deep breath of his scent. “Please, Masaki,” I said against his neck. “I‟m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I didn‟t mean to hurt you. I meant it when I said that I loved you. I really do.” He laughed softly. “You really are as conceited as I thought you were when we first met.” I let him go and stepped back. “What?” He turned slowly, his eyes half-lidded and cynical. “When I first met you, I thought you were conceited. Later, when I got to know you, I thought you were someone different. Turns out I wasn‟t too far off

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to start with. Anyway, me leaving has nothing to do with you. Give me a fucking break.” I frowned hard, feeling my face warm. He was breaking my heart. “I… I wish you would talk to me. I want to help you.” I want to be with you. He raised a single blond eyebrow. “Help me the same way Kaname fucking helped you? No thanks.” He turned away to leave again. This time, I wouldn‟t stop him. If Masaki didn‟t want to be with me, I couldn‟t force it. If I did, I wouldn‟t be any different from Kaname. I couldn‟t be that man. No matter how much I loved Masaki, it wasn‟t enough to make him love me back. And I knew, this was it. This was the last time I‟d see Masaki. I‟d lost him. The only words that came to mind as I watched the only man I‟ve ever truly loved walk away from me were, “I‟m sorry.”

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I STARTED to walk faster and faster away from Keigo. By the time I reached the university entrance, I was running. I was in a full panic. I ran all the way to the train station and then found a seat in a corner of the train to sit by myself, panting and sulking. As I was leaving I heard Keigo say, “I‟m sorry.” That broke a piece of my heart, because I knew I was the one that should have been saying those words. When I sought Keigo out, I had only wanted to say to him that I was leaving, and that I‟d keep in touch—which I fully intended to. I might have even apologized to him, like I had wanted to. But then, when I saw him, the look in his eyes, I don‟t know, something in me just snapped. I realized how much I cared for him and that scared me. And like before, those mean things just started coming out of my mouth. “Oh God,” I mumbled in English, dropping my head against the window. “What did I do? I am such a dick.” I hurt Keigo again. The only thing I had said to him that I really meant was that it was time for me to move on. But not the way he thought, or the way I implied, for that matter. It took the death of my last parent to realize that I had just been running away from everyone I had ever loved all those years. I regretted not knowing Dad when I had the chance. I regretted not making any friends after Mom died. I regretted running off Keigo, again. There was so much of my life to lament. It was time to start making amends with myself. My solution? Move to the home Mom and I shared before she fell sick. I thought that moving back and staying in that home, I could move on. That, while the home was empty now, it still held the spirit of those I loved. I wanted to cherish and honor those memories. I wanted to move on with my life and make up for all those years I

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spent alone. Where better to have a fresh start to the now than to revisit the past to finally say good-bye? While I was rewriting my future, I had even considered inviting Keigo to come with me, to live with me as my lover. If he said yes, then I‟d know for sure he was serious about me. But then, when I saw him, all I could think about was him in Kaname‟s arms, telling him those same words he said to me, “I love you.” They were supposed to be special and mean something. In the end, did I even mean anything to him? “Fuck me,” I grumbled, putting my face into my hands. Forty minutes later I was shuffling through my apartment door. Molly greeted me with a purry meow and followed me over to the phone. I had a message. “Hey, Masaki-kun. It’s me. Just calling to remind you that you’re taking me to dinner tonight. I’ll meet you there, Moon Drop, eight o’clock. And if you’re late, I’ll be super mad. Ja na!” I laughed at Yuki‟s perky message and hit delete. I didn‟t forget. In fact, I was looking forward to dinner with Yuki. She had loosened up so much since we broke up, it was like she was a different person. Part of her liberation had something to do with Haruka. I thought it was about time Haruka made her feelings clear to Yuki. I liked the influence Haruka had over her. They were good for each other. Love is a wonderful thing. I scoffed at my thoughts, thinking I was a fucking idiot. I had hours and hours to waste until it was time to leave for dinner so I finished packing the last few things in my place to move tomorrow. I didn‟t own much of anything to pack—mostly books—and those all went out earlier in the day on a delivery truck. All I had left was a handful of clothes and some of my more cherished books that I would carry with me. Molly helped—read: chased me around the room, purring and meowing loudly for attention and getting into the occasional box. Basically making a general nuisance of herself. When it was close to time to leave for dinner, I showered quickly, dressed nicely, and left. Yuki had made a point of telling me to look good and not, as she so lovingly put it, homeless. I even put on a spot of cologne, something I never wore. Moon Drop wasn‟t too 160

far from my place, back toward the university. When I got there, Yuki was already at a table, waiting. She smiled when she saw me and stood. I gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Hey. You look beautiful, Yuki-chan. Wow.” She really did. I‟d never seen her so dolled-up before. She wore her long black hair in a complicated do that sat on the top of her head. Her makeup was soft and tasteful—the first time I‟d seen her in makeup—and her dress was a spaghetti-strap black gown with sequins on the hem. I regretted not putting on a tie. Yuki blushed, looking away as I helped her into her seat. “Thank you.” As I was sitting down, I noticed that Yuki had us at a huge, round table that was meant to sit five. The other seats were set for dinner. I didn‟t really think much of it except for that maybe it meant an inexperienced waiter. It wasn‟t until after we ordered our drinks and I saw a face I didn‟t want to see again, ever, that I realized she was up to something. “Yuki,” I hissed, watching the tall man cross the room toward us. He smiled warmly at Yuki. When his gaze fell on me, his expression went dark. There was murder in those eyes. “What the fuck is going on?” “Hmm, I wonder.” The tone in her voice made me look at her. She was smiling devilishly, a smile I‟d never seen on her face before. “What?” she asked innocently, while still maintaining the dark tone to her voice. “I am the daughter of the yakuza. I‟m not entirely innocent.” I had to give her that much. Just because she chose to act kind and gently didn‟t mean she didn‟t learn less then savory things from her father and older brother. While I didn‟t believe her family really was yakuza at first, after talking at length with her after we broke up, she told me everything about her family. I turned back to face Kaname when I heard his angry voice say, “What is this?” Yuki motioned to the table. “Sit, please.” Kaname gave Yuki a dark look and then glanced at me. He gave me one last dirty look and took the seat closest to Yuki. Staring at me,

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he opened his mouth to say something when the waitress returned with our drinks. Whatever nasty thing he was going to say to me changed into his drink order. When the waitress left, Kaname turned to Yuki. “Why is he here? I thought you two were no longer seeing each other.” Yuki smiled a big, toothy smile that made me nervous. “Didn‟t you hear? Masaki-kun is moving away tomorrow. We‟re here to see him off.” “Is that so?” he mumbled and looked to me again. “Well, I am glad to hear that. However, I have a few things I‟d like to say to you first, Uchida-san. Would you care to accompany me elsewhere, as I wouldn‟t dare to speak such words in front of my darling onee-chan?” I was about to respond, something completely rated R, when a gasp sounded behind me. I spun in my seat enough to see and gave my own gasp of surprise. It was Keigo, looking as shocked as I felt as he looked the table over. His lips barely moved, but I still heard him say, “What the hell?” “Good, you made it,” Yuki said loudly and stood. “Please sit.” Keigo had his gaze fixed on me. I could feel it on the side of my face, burning into me. I wanted to look at him, but the very sight of him made my heart ache, remembering how wrong I had been to him. I was too much of a coward to fix things. I couldn‟t face him. “Just one more and we‟re ready,” Yuki said. “Ah! Here she is now, what great timing.” Confused, I looked up and saw a slender woman coming toward us. She was completely beautiful and knew it. She had a politician‟s wife‟s smile, fake in all the right places, and conceited eyes. She glanced away from Kaname, seeing the rest of the table for the first time. I could tell she recognized Yuki by her warm smile. Then her gaze fell on me, her brow curling in curiosity. When she looked to Keigo, her smile fell away and her eyes filled with anger. “Izumi-chan, so great for you to come.” Yuki went to her and gave her a hug and a kiss on her cheek. “Yuki-chan dear, what is this?” She eyed the table nervously, looking us all over again.

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“Please sit.” Izumi gave the table another quick glance and took the last seat between Keigo and Kaname, making a point to lean away from Keigo. Yuki returned to her own seat and smiled broadly. “Great, now we can begin.” “Begin what?” I asked, not liking the situation one bit. “Fixing all wrongs, of course.”

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I WASN‟T sure what to feel anymore. Part of me was relieved that I had one last chance to see Masaki again, that maybe I could talk to him and at least tell him everything I was feeling. The other part of me was terrified and angry at the very sight of Kaname. He incited so many emotions in me, but one thing was for sure—love was not one of them. And then there was his fiancée, Izumi, and his little sister, Yuki. I didn‟t like or dislike Izumi either way, not really knowing her, but I knew Yuki well enough to know she wasn‟t acting herself. Dammit, what’s going on here? “Fixing what exactly?” Masaki growled next to me. The anger in his voice broke me from my thoughts and I flinched, looking at him. That same strangeness I felt about him earlier was still there. He was still Masaki, completely handsome and masculine, rude and blunt, but there was a sense of calm about him. Sure, right now he was angry. He should have been angrier and trying to beat Kaname‟s face in. The fact that he was sitting said something major had changed in him. Yuki cleared her throat theatrically and everyone looked to her. “I know everyone‟s secrets. Everyone,” she said looking pointedly to each of us in turn. Izumi looked the most uncomfortable and scooted farther away from me and closer to Kaname. I was tempted to move away too, toward Masaki. When Yuki was done giving us all a look, she let out a sigh and continued, starting on her left. “Kaname. I love you. I really do. And once, I could have said I admired you. But that ended the day you hurt your best friend and student, a boy who looked up to you. You‟re a coward and weak. You only know how to control people with fear.” He looked enraged and opened his mouth to say something when Yuki spoke boldly over him. “Izumi-chan. I know that you

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know Kaname has been cheating on you. I also know that you‟ve pretended to overlook it because you‟re cheating on him too.” Kaname burst to his feet. “What!” “Please, onii-chan. You‟re making a scene. Sit.” Yuki sounded so calm and reserved. It was hard to believe she was the same shy girl I thought I knew. He sneered at his sister and grudgingly sat. Yuki said, “And I know that you‟re pregnant, Izumi-chan, and that Kaname thinks it‟s his.” “Oh my God,” Izumi whispered, wide-eyed and with trembling lips. “How did—” “So it‟s true?” Kaname hissed into her ear. The whole table heard it though. I‟d never seen his face flush red with anger before. I felt a sort of victory in his loss of composure. Trembling now, Izumi answered, “I—yes. It‟s true.” When Kaname started to look like he was really going to explode, she blurted out, “But you‟ve been cheating on me! How is what I did any different than you? Tell me, Kaname. The only difference is that you can‟t get your lover pregnant because it‟s a man.” His face screwed up and he made an angry huff, turning away from her, but refused to look at me. Yuki looked pleased with herself and turned her attention on me. I stiffened, unsure of what she thought I kept as a secret. “Keigo-kun. You‟re a kind and good person. But your selfesteem is crap. That‟s Kaname‟s fault and I‟m sorry. I‟m glad that you‟re learning to stand up for yourself, but it‟s not good enough, not if you want to prove to the one you really love that he is the only one for you. You have to make that final gesture. Stop being weak and say those words, Keigo-kun. If you don‟t, you‟ll forever be brother‟s puppet.” I frowned hard, my eyes stinging with tears. I knew what she was saying to me, but even after all the rude and horrible things I‟d said to Kaname over the past few weeks, it was still hard to actually bring myself to say the words I needed to aloud.

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“Masaki-kun,” Yuki sighed. “I‟m sorry it took an awkward relationship and then our breakup to realize that you‟re not a complete ass but a really likeable guy with a good heart. But you need to learn to believe in people. Don‟t shut out the ones who care for you. Instead, embrace their care and love and maybe, just maybe, you‟ll find that life you‟ve always been searching for. You deserve to have someone love you.” She reached out and touched his hand. “Stop running away.” Yuki sat back, looking very proud of herself, hands clasped before her on the table. “It took the stupidity of my other brother, the fear of his best friend, the cut-off emotions of my ex-boyfriend, and the love of an old friend to bring me to the person I am today. But I like who I am. Can any of you say the same?” She paused and looked us all over. When no one spoke up, she continued. “And if any of you had acted like adults from the beginning and just said what you were feeling to one another, we wouldn‟t be here today like this.” The table was silent for a long time, everyone sneaking little glances at each other. To my surprise, when I looked to Masaki, he was watching me. The breath left me in a sorrowful sigh when he caught my gaze and held it. My face suddenly burned. I wanted to burst into tears in his arms. Even if it was the last time I saw him, I wanted him to hold me and tell me, “It‟s okay. I love you too.” Masaki‟s eyes softened, and then there was a hand on mine, under the table. I flinched and then realized Masaki was holding my hand. I squeezed his hand back and looked away, knowing I would really cry now. And with Masaki‟s warm hand in mine, my anchor, my hope, I knew I could finally say those words. I could free myself. “Kaname-san,” I said, not feeling that he deserved any higher of an honorific anymore. He slowly looked to me, his eyes full of wrath. I wanted to hold my breath then and just disappear, but I knew I had to finish. I had to say it. “Kaname, we are through. Forever. I don‟t love you.” He looked startled, as if he didn‟t really believe I would say it. His expression went dark for a moment, and then he shut his eyes and sighed. “True, I have….” He opened his eyes and glanced at his fiancée with a bit of malevolence. “Problems to deal with. Very well,

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Akatsuki Keigo, I never want to see your face again. You‟re becoming more trouble than not. Consider us done.” I sighed deeply, feeling like a weight was finally taken from my soul. Those words, I had never thought that they could sound so sweet. I looked to Masaki again and he was watching me, almost smiling. I wanted to fall into him and kiss him there. “Subarashii,” Yuki said, standing. “Now, if you‟ll excuse us, Masaki-kun, Keigo-kun, brother and my future sister-in-law must speak alone. Masaki-kun.” She looked deep into his eyes. “Please do what you know is right.” Masaki gave her a smile worthy of the Cheshire cat and stood, still clutching my hand, forcing me to stand with him. Kaname‟s gaze fell on our hands and then rose back to Masaki‟s face. In English, Masaki said, “That‟s right fucker, he doesn‟t want you and if you hurt him, well, I know your secrets now. And don‟t think for one fucking stupid second that I won‟t use them against you.” Switching back to Japanese, he added, “Keigo‟s mine. If you touch him ever again, yakuza or not, I‟ll hunt you down. Later, asshole.” And then we walked out of the restaurant together, hand in hand. It was the most liberating moment of my life.

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THE restaurant wasn‟t that far from my place. I wondered if Yuki planned it that way, knowing exactly how things would turn out. I was surprised at her secret cunning and intelligence and was proud to have her as my friend. She was right about everything she said too. If things had been a little different for us, she might have made me a good wife one day. Instead, she‟ll make a good wife to her old friend turned lover, Haruka. Funny how things turn out for some. Keigo was a weight on my arm as I marched through the streets toward my place. He didn‟t say a word and I wondered if he was afraid or just that relieved to finally be free. I didn‟t think he had it in him, but he said the words that it took to end his relationship with Kaname. It seemed so simple to say “it‟s over” and yet I‟m sure they were the hardest words of his life. Abused or not, it‟s hard giving up someone you care for, once loved. I understood Keigo more than he thought. More than I realized I could. Less than fifteen silent minutes later, we were at my apartment. I opened the front door and motioned for Keigo to go in first. He paused, looking at me with sad eyes. I did my best to keep my feelings in check, and then he turned away. I followed in after him and kicked my shoes off in seconds. Keigo removed his own shoes, his back to me. “Looks like you really are leaving,” he said, and then heaved a sigh, shoulders dropping in dismay. “Listen, Masaki, I—” he started, turning to me, but his words were cut off when I dove at him, kissing him. He stumbled backward, his eyes wide in surprise. Seconds later he relaxed and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tightly against him.

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I walked him backward until he hit the wall, and he gave a deep groan as I pushed my hips into his. I covered the front of his body with my hands, my lips still locked to his. When he lifted his face away from mine to take in a deep breath, I moved down his neck, eagerly ripping open the front of his shirt. “Ah, Masaki,” he moaned, his hands deep in my hair. I moved quickly over the smooth expanse of chest and fell to my knees, pulling at his slacks. “Masaki,” he breathed again. “What… what‟s happening here?” I opened his pants and reached inside, making him moan. “Don‟t you know what‟s happening? I want you, Keigo.” He shuddered under me, his fingers tightening on my hair enough to hurt a little and moaned, “Ohhh.” Keigo‟s pants fell to the floor and I pulled down his boxers enough to expose him. Up close, his dick was bigger than I remembered. It was a little intimidating, but I wouldn‟t back out now. I wanted him so badly. The first time I did this for him, I had thought I would feel strange. But I didn‟t. I had never once considered having a man as my lover, but with Keigo, everything was okay. I had only gotten a few good hard sucks on Keigo when he tugged on my arms, lifting me up. Reluctantly I stood and started to pull him along with me, leaving his pants behind. He clung to me like he was terrified I would just disappear. We tumbled to my bed and I heard Molly give off an angry cry. I was too lost in Keigo to care that we almost killed the cat. I covered Keigo‟s taller frame with mine, climbing over him until he was completely on the bed, save for his long legs. I finally broke from our deep kiss and sat up on my knees, straddling him, and quickly removed my shirt. Keigo touched my face before I could lean back into him. “Masaki, I love you. God, I love you so much. More than I can ever put into words. But I can‟t do this if you don‟t feel the same about me. I need you to love me too. But not the way Kaname did. I need real—” I touched his lips gently, silencing him. Liking the way he felt under my fingers, I leaned in close, brushing my thumb over his bottom lip, my own lips inches away. “Keigo,” I whispered and then

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sighed. “I, this is hard for me. I don‟t do personal well. I say a lot of shit, but sometimes not the things that matter. All I know is running away….” “I know,” he said softly and touched my cheek again. “But I won‟t leave you or hurt you. I‟m here for you, Masaki, whatever you need. Please, tell me.” His eyes were warm, but full of fear. I shut my own eyes and sighed again, turning my face into his palm. When I opened my eyes again, Keigo was still watching me with those desperate, pleading eyes. I had thought I couldn‟t say the words that he wanted to hear, but finally understanding the feelings he had for me and I for him, the words came easier than I expected. “I love you.” He made a desperate noise and flung his arms around my neck, pulling me down on top of him again. I fell into him, holding his face in my hands as we kissed madly. I couldn‟t remember a kiss with any other lover being so fulfilling. No single girl had ever made me feel like this. Content. Whole. Keigo was that piece of me that I needed to be happy. To be me. I loved him, I really did, and even that made a part of me sad, because I knew it wouldn‟t last. Nothing lasted forever. Keigo broke from our kiss and moved down my chin, kissing and lightly sucking at my skin. He groaned when he reached my throat and rolled me to my back. I sighed, enjoying the feel of him on me. I‟d missed his touch so much. “Ah, Keigo….” “Masaki,” he mumbled against my flesh, giving me goose bumps, “I love you. I love you so much. Say you‟re mine.” I moaned softly, pushing my fingers into his long hair as he nibbled his way over my chest. “I belong to Keigo.” “Say I can keep you.” “I‟m all yours, Keigo… only yours.” He closed his lips down over my right nipple and bit. My back arched off the bed. “Ah! You have the sexiest mouth, Keigo.” “It‟s only because we love each other, Masaki, that it feels so good.” I thought that he was right. It was hard for me to admit that I felt anything for anyone, but with Keigo, I really did love him. He opened

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the front of my pants as I tugged at his open shirt, trying to remove it from his arms. Frustrated that I couldn‟t get him naked enough, I sat up. He sat up with me, smirking into my face, and then licked my bottom lip. “Impatient?” “Yes,” I grumbled. “Naked. Now.” He chuckled softly. “Yes, sir.” He stood and slipped off his shirt. His already half-off boxers followed, and he was completely nude finally. “Your turn.” I groaned and slipped out of my last bit of clothing and lay back on the bed. I opened my arms and Keigo gasped, falling into me. “Masaki!” We kissed deep and long, tasting each other fully with tongue and teeth. I couldn‟t get enough of Keigo, his scent, the feel of his body against mine. I felt like I had just discovered some new secret that‟d been hidden from me all these years. I slipped my fingers between our lips and into Keigo‟s mouth. He sucked them, staring into my eyes. After a few seconds I pulled my fingers free and kissed him again, reaching behind him. I had only just touched him and he flinched. “Hey,” I whispered against his lips, “you okay?” “Mhm. I- I‟m….” He sighed, resting his forehead on mine, shutting his eyes. “I‟m just a little sore. Kaname, he… he spent most of the past two weeks putting me in my place.” “Oh, Keigo. I‟m so sorry.” I was shocked at my own words. I couldn‟t remember the last time I said “sorry” and truly meant it. “I, um….” I had to clear my throat to continue. “Are you okay to do this?” He licked his lips. “Yeah.” “Liar,” I whispered and kissed the corner of his mouth. “Ne, do you want to fuck me?” “Masaki. I, what? Are you serious?” I sighed, running a hand over my hair. “Yeah, I mean, I told you I‟d offer it to you once and I meant it.” “Yeah, but that was—”

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“Look, do you want to fuck me or not?” I asked, grinning into his face. He gave me a huge smile and said, “Yes.” He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. “Yes! I promise not to hurt you, Masaki. You can trust me.” “I know,” I answered and kissed him. “Now shut it and let‟s fuck.” “Yes sir!” He jumped up, looking around, and stopped, frowning. “What‟s wrong?” “Lube?” “There,” I said, pointing. “In the cabinet.” Keigo disappeared into the bathroom. I rolled to my stomach so that my ass was facing him when he returned. He made a surprised noise and I smirked at him over my shoulder. “Ready?” He blinked at me. After a shocked moment he smiled and came to me. “Yes!” He climbed onto the bed over me, kissing his way up my back. I shivered at the new sensation and decided immediately that I liked it. “Ah, Keigo. That‟s good.” He licked the small of my back and I shuddered. “If you like that, how about this?” His tongue moved down, slowly, until he reached the top of my ass. He pulled in the skin, giving me a tiny nip, and then his tongue was moving down again. I moaned, squirming when his hot tongue slipped into the cleft. “Oh God!” I cried out. I was losing my mind. I had no idea something like that could feel so good. “More, Keigo. I want more.” He chuckled against me, still kissing and sucking at my flesh. I felt him move over me, and then slick fingers were slipping between my cheeks. The sensation was new and foreign, and I couldn‟t help but tense. But when his other hand came up under me and grabbed my dick, I forgot about his other fingers momentarily. There was a sudden pressure from behind that I had to fight not to move away from, and then fingers slipped into me. I moaned, gripping at the bedsheets under me. The sensation was so unfamiliar

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and slightly uncomfortable. But as he started to gently wiggle his fingers in me, his other hand still moving at my groin, I relaxed into the sensation. And then, he found a spot that made me cry out and my back arch. I was sure the neighbors heard me, but I didn‟t care anymore. “Oh, Keigo, that‟s good.” Is this really what he feels when I fuck him? I think I’ve been missing out. He groaned, his lips brushing over my hip, and his fingers managed to reach deeper into me, probing, massaging until I was sure I was going to come. “Enough! I want you inside me.” Keigo grabbed my hips and rolled me to my side. My top leg was lifted and he hooked my knee over his shoulder. I could see him more easily now and thought that the position was interesting. “You ready?” he asked breathily. I took in a deep breath and nodded. “Yeah, go ahead.” He moved slowly, pushing and wiggling with his hips. I had to fight to remain still. After several uncomfortable and slightly painful moments, Keigo had himself pushed all the way into me. “You‟re okay?” I couldn‟t find the power to speak. All of my attention was focused on the feel of Keigo filling me. I nodded a little too quickly and then rolled my hips back, urging Keigo to have me. He smiled warmly and started to move slowly in and out of me. I shut my eyes and forced myself to relax. And as he found his rhythm, pushing deep into me, I started to feel something besides uncomfortable. I started to feel good. He moved slowly, gently, minding my own comfort. His hips rocked back, paused, thrust forward again just hard enough that his balls slapped lightly against me. “Oh God!” I cried out in English. I wanted to say more, to tell Keigo how amazing it felt, but I couldn‟t find the words. All I could manage was a strangled, “Ah… more.” He let out a deep groan and started to move faster, harder. He grabbed my dick and started to jerk me off. I put my hand over his, feeling his warmth. Keigo‟s breathing over me became ragged and uneven, and I knew he was going to come soon.

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“Mmm, Keigo.” He slowed to a stop, his hand still gripping my dick. “Let‟s switch positions.” Keigo nodded and pulled out of me slowly, letting me feel every hard inch of him. I moaned and, unable to hold still, writhed on the bed. When he was out of me, I climbed up off the bed and Keigo lay down, face-first. I laughed and he looked at me over his shoulder, confused. “No, turn over.” He made a surprised noise and rolled to his back. “Like that, good.” He watched, curious, as I climbed onto the bed over him. When he seemed to finally realize what was happening, he groaned and grabbed my hips. He sat up to kiss me, whispering my name across my lips. I sat down on his thighs, grabbing his dick, and held it against mine as we kissed. I started to rock in his lap, rubbing our dicks together, and he whispered something into my mouth I didn‟t understand. I swallowed the words, consumed Keigo. When our lips parted, I pushed Keigo to his back and started to move over him to take him into me. “I‟ll help,” he said softly and reached around, grabbing his dick. My hand went over his and I lowered myself onto him. When my ass met his thighs, he gasped and fell back onto the bed, panting. “Ah!” I cried out, tossing my head back. “Oh. God.” The position made Keigo feel different. I couldn‟t say which position was better, but I liked the idea of him inside me. “You‟re so hot inside me, Keigo. You feel so good.” He smiled up at me. He looked so beautiful lying under me, dark hair fanned around his head in a layer of dark silk. I could see the love he felt for me in his eyes. “Masaki is sexy sitting on my cock.” I chuckled and he moaned when I tightened on him, his eyes shutting. Before he could recover, I started to rock myself back and forth. His eyes opened and met mine, holding my gaze. Never before had I felt so connected to anyone in my life. “I love you, Keigo,” I whispered. “I love you.”

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Keigo made a desperate noise and sat up. My dick was pressed between us as he clung to me, kissing me. His mouth was so hot and sweet. I wanted to feel this way forever, consumed by love. I moved my hips harder and faster against him until he tensed under me. Keigo‟s lips slipped from mine as he sucked in a gasp. His back arched, and then a warmth I had never known filled me. My own climax came in the wake of that throbbing heat and I came against Keigo‟s stomach. After the last shudders of release washed away, Keigo fell back onto the bed. I climbed off and plopped down next to him on the bed, nearly falling off the side. Keigo moved us around until I was on my back and he was curled into me on his side with his head on my chest. I pulled the sheet up over our waists and wrapped an arm around him, holding him close. The other went to his head and idly stroked at his soft hair. “So, how was it?” he asked. “Mmm, better than I thought.” I kissed the top of his head before letting my head fall back again. “I think I‟m converted.” He chuckled and kissed my chest, wetting a spot. I shivered and wondered if my ass could take another round of awesome sex. I wanted to feel this way forever. Happy. We were quiet for a long time, just holding each other, content in the warm embrace. I shut my eyes, relishing in the feel of my lover in my arms and wondered how to ask him to come with me when he started to talk. “My dad,” he started softly. “He disowned me after he found out about Kaname. He‟s a cop, you know. A detective, actually. He‟s the one that sent me off to piano lessons to begin with. And when he realized that it was the son of a yakuza teaching me and not sensei, he lost it. He forbade me to go back again. But I was so determined to see Kaname that I disobeyed Father and went anyway.” He snorted a crude laugh that vibrated my chest. “For a detective he wasn‟t very good at keeping tabs on his own son. I kept going, of course. When I couldn‟t go to sensei‟s any longer, I went to Kaname‟s home. That‟s how I know Yuki-chan.”

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Keigo fell silent, snuggling closer against me. I wasn‟t sure if he was going to finish the story but I wasn‟t going to force anything, so I waited. A few minutes later, he continued. “I- I admired senpai so much that I think I convinced myself I loved him. He was rich and educated. Smart and refined. He was so kind and gentle to me. Soft-spoken and caring. It wasn‟t until I told him that I loved him and finally got to be with him that I realized my mistake.” He shook his head against my chest and I held him tighter. “Kaname turned out to be a monster. A real beast. And then my dad found out. He told me how disappointed he was in me. Those words alone were worse than any beating he could have given me. I wished he had, because I was just as disappointed in myself. He knew that I had slept with Kaname. I was kicked out of the house and told to never come back, that he couldn‟t have my influence in the house. He paid me to leave and never come back. But that also meant that I could never see Mom or my little brother again. I miss them so much. But what was I supposed to do?” “I don‟t know, Keigo. I really don‟t. You did what you had to.” When I realized that he was crying, I tightened my hold around him. I kissed his hair and forehead, trying my best to comfort him, even if it was only with my body. I was never any good with words. This was all I could give him. He rubbed his face against my chest, smearing wetness all over. “I guess. I just wonder if there was another way. I don‟t know what else to do.” “I don‟t have an answer for you, Keigo. You are your own person and make your own decisions. I can‟t tell you what to do. No one can.” “I know… I think I might try to see my family. Maybe if I tell them I broke it off with Kaname, Dad will take me back.” I shut my eyes tightly and took in a deep breath. There was no way I could ask him to leave now. “You can only try. If you don‟t, there‟s no point in anything.” “Thank you.”

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I lifted my head and looked down, confused. “For what?” He looked up, his cheek still pressed to my chest, and I pushed a strand of dark hair behind his ear. “For trusting in me, believing me, and for loving me. You‟re kinder than I deserve.” I let out a long breath, feeling my chest tighten, and took his face into my hand. I kissed him tenderly. I was hurting inside, not because it wasn‟t true that I felt deep love for Keigo, but because I couldn‟t find the words to ask him to come with me. Not now. I couldn‟t do that to him, make him chose between me and his family. I was glad our last night together would be a happy memory for us both. “I love you, Keigo. So much.”

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I COULD hear birds chirping. I moaned softly, wiggling against the bed. I stretched and realized the bed was empty. My eyes shot open. The room was empty too. I relaxed and snuggled into the blankets for a moment, thinking that Masaki was in the bathroom. And then I saw it. It wasn‟t one thing, but an accumulation of things. There was a thick envelope on the kitchen counter I hadn‟t noticed before. Molly‟s kitty carrier, which had been in the corner last night, was gone. And the only clothes in the room, folded neatly on the table, were mine. “Oh no,” I whispered and climbed out of bed. “No, no, no….” I went to the bathroom and flung open the door. Empty. I went to the kitchen and picked up the envelope. Inside were a note to the landlady thanking her and rent money. I dropped the envelope back on the countertop and turned to the room. My eyes were starting to sting as I realized the reality of what was happening. Masaki, he left me. I saw that there was another envelope sitting on top of my clothes and went to the table. I knelt and frowned hard, feeling like a piece of me was dying. It was a letter from Masaki. I’m not so good with these sort of things. It must have taken me hours just to think up the right words to say to you and then I realized there were no right words to make everything okay. Please understand, I have to go. I have to do this, for me. Believe me when I say that I really do love you. In truth, I’m terrified of how much I love you. That’s why I had to leave you behind. I want you to be happy, even if that means finding someone else

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before we can see each other again. You have a chance to do something I let slip away from me and make amends with your family. Learn from my mistakes. I’m not asking you to forgive me for leaving you behind, just to understand. I’m not running away from you or our love, but towards a future that I need to discover for myself. A future that I hope will see you in it. One day. I clutched the letter to my chest and cried. I had only just found my first real love and he was already gone from me. I wasn‟t angry, just deeply saddened. I had to find Masaki, I had to have him back. I couldn‟t lose him now, not now after working so hard to have him. What did I think would happen though? I knew he was set on leaving. Did I really expect him to give up his dreams for me? I guess I had hoped he would ask me to go with him. I would have said yes without hesitation, even if it meant leaving everything behind. I would do anything for Masaki. But I think he knew that and it scared him. The fact that he loved me as much as I loved him, terrified him. I understood that now. I also understood how important it was to him to know his family. I missed mine. The least I could do for Masaki now was to take his hard-learned advice. As I was dressing to leave, I uncovered a book. It was the thick Shakespeare book with gold writing that Masaki‟s mother had given him. The one he cherished more than anything. I took it as a sign that he truly meant to seek me out again. That alone gave me hope. I opened the front cover and a slip of paper fell out. “Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.” The note was written in English, giving me trouble. I felt as if I had stared at it for hours, though it was only minutes. In the end I knew what he was saying, that he loved me and we‟d be together again someday. The question was, how long would I have to wait?

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“BĀ-SAN! I‟m home.” I shut the front door behind me, dropped my bags in the genkan, and slipped out of my shoes. “Man it‟s beautiful outside, ne?” Fall had just started and the day was cool, but comfortable. I liked to keep the double-wide fusuma across from the main entry open so that I could see the courtyard, but for some reason it was closed. “Chiharu?” I made a face and opened the screen. “Ah! There you are.” I stepped down into the courtyard and went to granny Chiharu. She was sitting on one of the stone benches in front of the koi pond with Molly curled up asleep on the blanket in her lap. She wasn‟t actually my grandmother, but the next-door neighbor. For as long as I could remember, she lived next door to my family and I called her bā-san. Mom used to make extra food and invite her over to eat with us. I had grown to think of her as family despite her not being related in the least. Chiharu had been the one to take care of the house after Mom died and I left. She came in once a week and cleaned every room. She even tended to the garden, keeping Mom‟s strawberry patch alive. Chiharu sent a batch to me when there was enough to gather. Since my return, I saw more of Chiharu than not. She had her own key and spent more time in my house than her own. She ate most meals with me every day. It was the least I could do for the kind old widow. I owed obā-san a lot; feeding her was the least I could do. And I valued her company. “It‟s too cold to be sitting out here, bā-san.” It wasn‟t that cold, really, but Chiharu got cold easily. She looked like she had fallen asleep. I couldn‟t bear the idea that, if she got sick, it was my fault.

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She looked up, blinking slowly. “Ah, Masaki-chan. Welcome home.” I smiled and knelt in front to her. “What are you doing?” “Oh, I just came to see neko-chan.” I smiled. She never called Molly by name; she had trouble with the L. “Besides, today is Tuesday, right? Don‟t you have a student today?” I looked at my watch and saw the time. It was 3:45. I had a four o‟clock on Tuesdays. “Oh geez. I‟m such an idiot. I can‟t believe I forgot about Tomiko-chan. Crap.” I jumped to my feet and started for the genkan to put the groceries away and get things ready for Tomiko. Since moving back home, I‟d been constantly busy. Besides spending most of my time fixing up the house, the things obā-san couldn‟t do, I was teaching. I was actually making enough money teaching and tutoring the local children in English and literature to get by comfortably. In the few short months that I been back home, I had made it my haven. I should have returned years ago. “Anō sa. Masaki-chan.” I stopped and spun to face her. “What?” “You hurry about too much for this little town. Come have a sit.” I smiled and obliged her. I would never deny her anything. “Two things.” “Okay,” I said, trying not to sound impatient. Like most old people, Chiharu took her time in saying anything. I was willing to wait as long as it took her. “One, you had a phone call from that nice young lady, Yukichan, was it?” I smiled broadly. Yuki and I had been keeping in touch since I left. She was doing really well and was happy with Haruka. Kaname had moved to Tokyo, taking his pregnant-with-another-man‟s-baby fiancée with him. It was his way of starting over, and keeping his fiancée away from the lover she took. And his way to forget about Keigo. Every piece of news about Keigo made my heart ache. The two, Yuki and Keigo, had become good friends now that he wasn‟t being owned by Kaname.

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Yuki said Keigo asked about me every day. Before I left, I had made her promise not to tell him where I was. I needed to get settled and make my life here before I could seek him out again. Still, I thought about him every day. And every day I missed him more and more. I wasn‟t sure how much longer I could go without contacting him. I never knew I could need someone so badly. A cool hand touched my arm. I blinked down. Chiharu was holding Molly, craning her neck up to see me. “Masaki-chan?” I took her free hand into mine to warm it. She really needed to go inside. “And two?” She gave me a look. “You were thinking about him again.” I gave a start. I didn‟t even know she knew about Keigo or our fleeting relationship. Who else could she mean? I narrowed my eyes at her suspiciously. “Bā-san, what do you know?” What had she and Yuki been talking about when I wasn‟t around? She smiled broadly. “I don‟t know what you mean, dear.” I huffed at her, knowing she was messing with me. She was old and slow, but she was the smartest person I knew. “And two,” she said, smiling, “Tomiko-chan is not going to make it today.” “Oh,” I sighed. While it was a relief to not have to rush to get things ready for her, I found I needed the company. Even if it was a teenage girl that had a silly little puppy-dog crush on me. I still had Chiharu. “Well, that‟s okay. Dinner will be earlier today then. I picked up this great fresh fish at the market just now.” “Ah,” she said, patting my hand as she slowly stood. I helped her up and handed Molly to her when she motioned to the cat. We started toward the front of the house. “I can‟t today, but thank you, dear.” I frowned. We always ate dinner together. Even on days I had students, just later. “Are you okay, bā-san? You‟re being strange.” In the foyer, Chiharu put Molly down and turned to me. “Oh yes, I‟m great, dear. But you have a guest. You won‟t want this old woman here to be in the way.”

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“What?” I looked down. Sure enough there was another pair of shoes I hadn‟t noticed when I came in. They were men‟s shoes. My pulse started to increase. “Who… who is it?” Chiharu patted my chest, smiling up at me. “A very lovely young man, so sweet and charming. Now, I really must go. You be good, Masaki-chan, and have a good meal.” I stood in stunned silence and watched as Chiharu shuffled out of the house and through the front garden. Molly trotted after her and stopped at the gate. Chiharu turned, smiled, and waved. The gate shut behind her with a loud clank and I remembered to breathe again. I shut the front door and looked at the shoes again. I‟d seen them before. “There‟s no fucking way,” I whispered. I turned to walk toward the wing that held the kitchen, living room, and office—which was my old bedroom growing up—when I heard a noise that made me stop and spin. Coming from the library was the sound of Mom‟s piano. Someone was playing my piano. I ran to the room and flung open the fusuma. I gasped when I saw the tall Japanese man sitting at the piano, playing a slow song. “Keigo?” I stood frozen in shock, staring as his song played on. And then he started to speak, his voice soft and gentle so that I almost couldn‟t hear his words. “Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love.” The melody picked up and fell again to a soft lull. “Do you remember? Those were the words you left me with. Words to remember and understand you by. To remember that you loved me.” He glanced up and smiled faintly. He was just as good-looking as I remembered. His long hair free around his shoulders, his face soft but masculine. “Hamlet,” I managed to say just loud enough. “Yes.” He sighed, his hands still moving slowly, gracefully over the keys. “But Hamlet is a tragedy. I want something more… hopeful.” He glanced at me again, smiling. “Don‟t you think?” “Keigo,” I whispered, still dumbfounded. As he recited his next words, in English, the volume and passion in his voice increased with the music. “My bounty is as boundless as

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the sea, my love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.” The music came to a stop and he turned on the bench to face me. “Will you be my Romeo?” Something in me softened and I thought I might actually cry. I was so happy, so overwhelmed. I didn‟t have the heart to explain to him that Romeo and Juliet was a tragedy too. He was telling me that he loved me. And now that he was here, I couldn‟t imagine being without him. I wouldn‟t lose him again. “I, what….” My words wouldn‟t come. “What are you—” He laughed lightly and stood. “Do you take in strays?” When he saw me frown, he smiled warmly and walked toward me. “I couldn‟t wait anymore. I‟m sorry, I just couldn‟t. I had to see you—” His eyes widened as I crossed the space between us in two big strides and took him into my arms. We shared our first kiss in over three months. I couldn‟t remember his lips being so sweet before. “Keigo, Keigo, Keigo.” I hugged him tightly, feeling the sting of tears. I couldn‟t believe I was really holding him. “Oh God, I‟ve missed you so much.” “Masaki,” he whispered and kissed my forehead. “I‟ve missed you too. I‟m glad you aren‟t mad at me for coming. I just couldn‟t do it anymore without you.” “Don‟t be stupid, I‟m glad you‟re here. But how did you find me? Yuki-chan tell you?” “No. I figured it out myself. You had mentioned what town you lived in once and after that, it wasn‟t hard to find a half-Japanese, half-American guy with blond hair.” I looked up and he brushed my hair back from my face. “Your hair has gotten really long and the color, it looks more natural now, I like it. You look good, Masaki. Rested, calm.” I took in a deep breath, still not believing my own eyes. “I hadn‟t realized how much I missed being here until I returned. This was my home; where I wanted to be. Where I belong. But it wasn‟t complete because there was one important thing missing.” He blinked

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at me like he didn‟t know what I was saying. I laughed and touched his face. “You, you idiot.” He looked like he was about to cry. “So you‟re not mad that I came?” “You really are fucking dumb.” Keigo laughed that old familiar laugh. He seemed to truly relax then. “Oh that‟s the Masaki I know.” He sighed deeply and rested his head on my shoulder, though he had to stoop slightly. “So, um,” he said against my neck, “you‟re not seeing anyone?” I couldn‟t have laughed any harder. Keigo huffed and took a step back. “You‟re kidding me, right?” His face screwed up into embarrassed anger, cheeks bright red. “No.” I chuckled softly, stroking his cheeks. He was so cute when he sulked. “You‟re really something, Keigo. Jesus, making me say useless shit. No, I‟m not seeing anyone.” “Really…?” he asked tentatively. “Not some other guy?” I kissed his lips softly just to keep from laughing. “No. I mean it‟s not like I was into guys to start with. I don‟t walk down the street and think, oh he‟s hot. The only guy I‟m interested in, have ever been interested in, is you.” “But, you still look at girls.” “Well, sure, I‟m a guy after all. But I‟m not interested in being with one of them either.” He frowned. “You‟re not?” I couldn‟t help but laugh at how naive he was being. “Baka. Why would I want to be with a girl when I‟m already in love with you?” “Masaki,” he whispered. He looked like he was about to cry or kiss me, but then he suddenly spun away. “I have something for you.” He slipped out of my arms, went to the piano, and came back with something wrapped in blue paper and a silver bow. “Here.” “Had Yuki-chan wrap it, didn‟t you?”

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He gave a soft hum in answer. “She sent some chocolates she made too. They‟re in the fridge. And some books. I had to pack a whole suitcase just for the stuff she sent.” I chuckled and shook the box. I had a pretty good idea of what it was, given its size, and was happy to have it back. I made a surprised noise when I opened it and found it wasn‟t the precious Shakespeare book I had left behind, but a box the size of my book with a CD box set inside. Seeing the look on my face, Keigo chuckled and kissed my cheek. “Don‟t worry, I brought your book back. I know how much you cherish it. This is something I cherish too, besides you.” “Beethoven,” I said, reading the front. “This any good?” “Mhm. That‟s what I was playing.” “I see. So you‟ve started to play again?” He leaned into me and touched my face. “Only because of you. I wanted you to hear me play. I‟ve even learned more English. Even read some of your book. I wanted to do something to make you happy and proud of me.” It was such an emotional, intimate moment. The old me would have been scared at a time like this and run away. But now, now I embraced it. If I let him go, I was afraid he would disappear from my life completely. I had chanced losing him once, I couldn‟t do it again. I needed him. I sighed heavily, realizing my happy moment wasn‟t going to last. “How long before you go?” “What?” he asked, genuinely surprised. “You‟re sick of me already?” “No! That‟s not it. It‟s just that I know you‟re going to leave.” Everyone always leaves. “Oh, Masaki.” He took the gift from me and placed it aside. When he came back to me, he smoothed my hair back from my face, looking deep into my eyes. “Don‟t you understand? I‟m never leaving. You don‟t have to be alone anymore.” “But, what about your family. And school? You‟re so close to finishing.”

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He sighed. “You‟re so difficult, you know that? But that‟s just part of the Masaki I love.” He gave me a quick hug and smiled softly. “I talk to Mom and Shin on the phone on a regular basis now. I‟ve seen them a few times too. But Dad won‟t see me, he still hates that his oldest son is bisexual. I told him that I was done with Kaname forever and that I was in love with a wonderful man. He said he might consider seeing me again, if he likes you.” He shrugged lightly. “It‟s a start.” “Wow, no pressure at all. Shit, that‟s a lot to live up to.” He laughed lightly, squeezing me. “He‟ll love you, I know it. Just ease up on the cursing, okay?” I stared up at him, chewing on my lip, and wondered if this could really work. “And school?” Keigo touched my face, smiling softly. “I promised to stay with you. Believe in me, Masaki.” “I do, but… it‟s hard, you know?” “I know.” His fingers stroked my cheek. He was so warm, so familiar. I wanted to get lost in him right there on the library room floor. “I transferred my credits to the local university and I‟m going to finish up my last year there.” “Mattaku, Keigo. That‟s an hour-and-a-half drive one way. It‟s going to be a fucking nightmare.” “I know. But you‟re worth it. Besides it‟s only a year. I can deal with it if that means I get to spend the rest of my life with you.” Keigo took a long look at me, reading my expression, and then lost it. He laughed. And laughed… and laughed. It took him several minutes to calm down. By then, I was scowling hard and confused. “What the fuck,” I mumbled. “Masaki, if you could only see your face. You look horrified and heartbroken all at once. Don‟t you get it? I‟m yours forever. I‟m never leaving.” “Forever? Can that really happen?” He pulled one of my noncommittal shrugs, grinning. “Oh, I really do love you.” He sighed deeply, his smile softening. “I don‟t know if forever exists, but I‟m willing to try.”

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“Willing to try….” I said, still feeling a bit stunned by his words. But he was right. I didn‟t want to run away anymore. I was willing to fight my own quips and fight to keep Keigo with me forever. It was time for me to accept that people come and go. What‟s important is the now and what you do with it. I finally understood that because of Keigo. I broke into a broad smile. “Me too.” Keigo chuckled. “Good. Now stop being such a girl and kiss me.” I laughed and took Keigo in my arms. “Yes sir.”

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About the Author

APRIL MOONE‟s obsessive love of anime and manga (to be honest, anything Japanese) inevitably led her to the yaoi genre. She wrote for years for herself and online venues but never dreamed she‟d see her own fantasies in print. While she‟s not talking to the characters in her head, she loves reading, digging in her garden, riding her sports bike, or just playing with her two Australian Shepherds. Despite the naughty she writes, she blushes easily and can sometimes be found sporting a mane of purple. Visit April‟s blog: http://aprilmoone.blogspot.com/ or find her on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/April-Moone/188759747 823339.

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Also from Dreamspinner Press

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