Salad on the Side

Since moving to Boston, Kyle Slidell has met only a few of his neighbors, including Tobias Rogan. Kyle is very interested in Tobias, and is ecstatic to learn that Tobias wants him too. But his neighbors have a secret: They’re werewolves, and Tobias is the pack Alpha. When one of the wolves attacks Kyle in the neighborhood garden one night, Kyle learns the truth in a hurry. Now he’s a werewolf tooand since he’s vegan, he refuses to eat meat. With Tobias’s help and love, Kyle must adjust to his new life and protect himself and his friends from a neighboring pack.

MLR PRess AuthoRs Featuring a roll call of some of the best writers of gay erotica and mysteries today! Derek Adams

M. Jules Aedin

Maura Anderson

Victor J. Banis

Jeanne Barrack

Laura Baumbach

Alex Beecroft

Sarah Black

Ally Blue

J.P. Bowie

Barry Brennessel

Michael Breyette

P.A. Brown

Brenda Bryce

Jade Buchanan

James Buchanan

Charlie Cochrane

Karenna Colcroft

Jamie Craig

Kirby Crow

Dick D.

Ethan Day

Diana DeRicci

Jason Edding

Angela Fiddler

Dakota Flint

S.J. Frost

Kimberly Gardner

Roland Graeme

Storm Grant

Amber Green

LB Gregg

Drewey Wayne Gunn

Kaje Harper

Jan Irving

David Juhren

Samantha Kane

Kiernan Kelly

M. King

Matthew Lang

J.L. Langley

Josh Lanyon

Elizabeth Lister

Clare London

William Maltese

Gary Martine

Z.A. Maxfield

Timothy McGivney

Lloyd A. Meeker

Patric Michael

AKM Miles

Reiko Morgan

Jet Mykles

William Neale

Willa Okati

L. Picaro

Neil S. Plakcy

Jordan Castillo Price

Luisa Prieto

Rick R. Reed

A.M. Riley

George Seaton

Jardonn Smith

Caro Soles

JoAnne Soper-Cook

Richard Stevenson

Liz Strange

Marshall Thornton

Lex Valentine

Haley Walsh

Missy Welsh

Stevie Woods

Lance Zarimba

Check out titles, both available and forthcoming, at www.mlrpress.com

sALAd

on the side

KARennA CoLCRoft

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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Copyright 2011 by Karenna Colcroft All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Published by MLR Press, LLC 3052 Gaines Waterport Rd. Albion, NY 14411 Visit ManLoveRomance Press, LLC on the Internet: www.mlrpress.com Cover Art by Winterheart Designs Editing by Jennifer Ayres

Print ISBN# 978-1-60820-354-3 Ebook ISBN# 978-1-60820-355-0 Issued 2011 This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines and/or imprisonment. This eBook cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this eBook can be shared or reproduced without the express permission of the publisher.

To all the Zammers (not naming names; I don’t want to forget anyone!) for their support, encouragement, and tolerance of all my random questions. And extra thanks to Patric for calling me to task on Tobias’s “topping" joke.”

ChAPteR one Rustling outside my bedroom window attracted my attention. The clock on my nightstand glowed the blue numbers 1:45. That would be in the morning. Who the hell would be in the garden at this time of night? I slid off my bed and knelt in front of the window. Outside was the apartment complex’s community garden. It could only be reached through one of the buildings or by climbing the short stretch of seven-foot high wooden fence between my building and the next one over. I’d asked the landlord when I’d moved in why the fence was so high. He’d just shrugged and said the tenants liked their privacy. Which meant whoever was out there would probably turn out to be a tenant. You’d better hope it isn’t a burglar, Kyle, I told myself. If it is, you’re screwed. Curiosity won out over common sense and I twitched my curtain aside to peek out the window. My neighbor Tobias stood in the middle of the plants, staring up at the sky. Illuminated by the light of the full moon, his bare, hairless chest gleamed in the silver light. In my boxers, my cock twitched. Tobias’s usual outfit of jeans and a T-shirt had that effect on me. Tonight, wearing only denim cut-offs with his wavy, shoulder-length brown hair free of its usual ponytail, he sparked my fantasies so completely my fingers itched to touch him. At the thought of my palms against his chest, my fingers winding through his hair, I grew hard. In the three months since I’d moved into this apartment and met Tobias, he’d played a starring role in most of my daydreams. Something drew me to him so strongly I had to bite my tongue whenever I saw him to keep from blurting out how attractive I found him. Attractive was a weak word for the man.

2 Karenna Colcroft I’d been interested in other guys, of course. I’d even thought I’d been in love once; my body had responded eagerly enough every time I’d been near my lover. That response hadn’t been enough to persuade him to go with me when my job relocated me to Boston. With him, I hadn’t had nearly as intense a reaction as I did to Tobias. I wanted to ask Tobias out, but I didn’t quite have the guts, partly because I didn’t know if he was gay. I got mixed vibes from him and I would have looked pretty stupid if I’d tried asking out a straight guy. I didn’t want to make any dumb moves with Tobias, and whenever I was around him I could barely speak a coherent thought anyway, so I just kept my mouth shut. While staring out the window at Tobias’s body outlined in the glow of the moon, an almost irresistible urge to run outside and throw my arms around him hit me. The man made me think like a sappy romance novel. Fortunately, I managed to restrain my impulse. I was content—well, mostly—to kneel on the hardwood floor of my room, watching Tobias through the window and wondering what the hell he was doing in the garden at almost two in the morning. He certainly wasn’t weeding or planting. Tobias suddenly unfastened his shorts and let them fall to the ground. Seeing him completely nude, my thoughts went from curious and slightly sappy to one hundred percent desperately aroused. His hard, long cock curved against his abdomen, listing slightly to one side. His abs looked like the proverbial washboard. He turned slightly away from me and his firm ass gave me quivers. The moonlight bathed him, accentuating every inch of skin, almost as if he’d called it to him to show him off. The front of my boxers formed a serious tent. My cock had become so hard it hurt and it was all I could do to keep from taking it in hand. I didn’t want to jerk off while I watched Tobias. That would be way too pervy. Like spying on him through the window wasn’t. Shivers ran through me. The man of my, well, fantasies, stood

sALAd on the side 3 right outside my window, naked in the moonlight. Not normal behavior by any stretch. Even though only the buildings around the garden had a view into the garden, anyone might look out their windows and see him. On the other hand, Tobias’s current appearance definitely improved the view. He glanced toward the window and narrowed his eyes. Shit! He’d seen me! Quickly, I ducked back, hoping the expression I’d seen on his face had just been a trick of the light. The garden wasn’t huge, but he stood far enough away that maybe he hadn’t really seen me, or maybe I hadn’t really seen fury in his gaze. If he had seen me, of course he’d be angry. Not many people would be happy about being spied on. Then again, if he hadn’t wanted to be seen, he probably should have stripped somewhere more private. Like my bedroom. That sent my brain off on yet another tangent, one involving my mouth on his dick, his hands on my ass, and a few other anatomical permutations that made me even harder than I’d been. A little bit of fluid stained the front of my boxers and I sighed in disappointment. Fantasizing and stroking myself was as close as I’d be likely to get to Tobias. No one yelled or pounded on my window, so I decided Tobias hadn’t actually seen me. I cautiously peeked through the curtain again. Tobias had disappeared. Now the only occupant of the garden was a large—well, it had to be a dog. A husky, probably. The damn thing looked like a wolf, but I’d never heard of a wolf in East Boston. How the hell had it gotten into the garden? None of the tenants in any of the buildings owned dogs, as far as I knew. Certainly not one this size. I craned my neck to check out the fence. The gate remained firmly closed, I blinked. The dog remained, its silvery-white fur reflecting the moon’s light. Then it turned toward my window.

4 Karenna Colcroft Its eyes glowed orange. Heart pounding, I slumped to the floor below the windowsill. Whatever that thing was, it wasn’t a normal dog. Outside, a howl rose into the night. The howl sounded an awful lot like my name. Adrenaline rushed through me. I breathed deeply to bring myself back to a place of rational thought. Not much luck there. Point one: Tobias had seen me peeking at him while he stood naked in the garden. Point two: Tobias had disappeared and a dog of some kind had shown up. Point three: The dog had seen me peeking and had howled my name. Clearly I was going insane. Either that or I’d dreamed the entire event, including the sweat slicking my back and the hardon that hadn’t completely wilted even when I was threatened by what had to be a rabid dog. Had to be, because normal, healthy dogs didn’t have glowing orange eyes. The dog had looked pissed off, for sure. Apparently it didn’t like being spied on any more than Tobias had. That thought finished the job of deflating my cock. At least I’d be able to sleep. I heard another sharp howl before silence fell outside. After a moment, I chanced another peek under the curtain. The garden sat completely empty except for the moonlight and a few stray hairs floating through the air. Almost like I’d imagined the whole thing. Maybe I had. That would certainly be an easier explanation. I took one last deep breath to settle the last remnants of my adrenaline rush before I climbed back into bed. Despite the weirdness, it didn’t take me long to go back to sleep. My dreams were filled with glowing orange eyes and images of a naked Tobias in my bed beside me.

QQQ When I woke in the morning, things seemed much clearer. I’d

sALAd on the side 5 obviously dreamed the whole event the night before. No way had Tobias stripped naked in the garden. And I certainly hadn’t seen a dog with orange eyes that howled my name. Too many fantasies about Tobias and too many viewings of the Twilight movies had gotten the better of my imagination. That was all. I made a pot of coffee instead of my usual single cup, because the dream had left me feeling more tired than usual. I would need plenty of caffeine to make it through the day at work; a job that was so boring even on the best days I had trouble staying awake. Not that I wasn’t good at what I did. And they paid me well for the computer troubleshooting that comprised the largest portion of my job description. Well enough for me to afford an apartment in East Boston without a roommate, which meant a lot to me. The last roommate I’d had had been Jerry, the lover who’d refused to move to Boston with me, and after that I hadn’t really wanted another one. I muddled through my usual morning routine and headed out the door only a few minutes late. Late according to what the company wanted, that was. As far as I was concerned, the timing was perfect, because it let me walk out my door at the same time Tobias walked out his. This time, I almost collided with him as I stepped onto the sidewalk in front of my building. It wasn’t intentional on my part, though I certainly didn’t mind a little physical contact with him. “Sorry.” I smiled as we spoke at the same time. He chuckled. The sound sent tingles up and down my spine. For about half a second I toyed with the idea of asking him what he’d been doing in the garden during the night. Fortunately, I caught myself before I blurted out such a stupid question. “Sorry,” he said again. “I didn’t have a lot of sleep last night and my brain hasn’t quite caught up with the rest of me. I should pay more attention to where I’m going.” “No problem,” I assured him. “You were on the sidewalk first.” “Ah, so you should pay more attention.” He raised an eyebrow

6 Karenna Colcroft then winked. “I guess I won’t take the blame, then.” I smiled. “Yeah, yeah, blame it all on me. I didn’t sleep well either so we’re in the same state I expect.” “You going to Maverick?” The nearest subway stop, or T station as they were known in Boston. “Yep. The wonderful train into the city. You don’t usually take the T, do you?” In the time I’d lived there I’d never seen him ride the subway. He usually walked down the street to the nearest cross street where he kept his blue Ford Mustang parked in a neighbor’s driveway. The first time he showed me the car, Tobias told me that since the neighbor didn’t own a car, he rented the driveway to a couple people who didn’t want to leave their cars on the street. Our buildings didn’t have off-street parking. I couldn’t blame him for not wanting to leave such a sweet car on the side of the road. “Not usually, but I’m going someplace today where parking’s at a premium and there have been a few vehicle break-ins, so I’m leaving Sally home.” He grinned at my look of confusion. “My car. Mustang Sally.” I would have hoped for something a bit more original from someone who seemed as intelligent as he was. However, I was willing to overlook the cliché because of his well-accentuated arm muscles and the memory of what lay beneath his blue plaid short-sleeved dress shirt. Of what my dream had led me to believe lay beneath, anyway. “Ah, that makes sense,” I said lamely. “So you’re taking the T?” “Yes, and I’d be happy to buy you a coffee at the Dunkin Donuts there. One insomniac to another.” His dimples flashed as he grinned again and I melted. Fortunately, I managed to keep the melting inside. Outwardly, to the best of my knowledge, I gave no sign of how hot I thought he was or how much heat rose through me because of it. I’d known since I was about twelve that I was gay. Even as a hormonally-driven teenager, though, I hadn’t been this sex­

sALAd on the side 7 focused with any of the guys I found attractive. I really needed to rein in my libido and work on being friends with Tobias. If I had any chance with him at all, relationships that started as friendships tended to work out better. So ignore his body and answer him about the coffee already! Oh, yeah. Coffee. “I definitely won’t turn down additional caffeine,” I said. “Cool.” For the first couple blocks of our walk to Maverick Station I couldn’t think of anything to say. Apparently neither could Tobias since he didn’t speak. The silence wasn’t all that comfortable. “So how long have you lived here?” I asked finally, desperate for something to say. “A long time,” he replied. “Why did you move here?” “For work.” I was pretty sure I’d told him that before somewhere along the line, but at least it was something to talk about. “My company offered me a transfer at ten grand a year more than I was making and it sounded like a good deal to me. What do you do for work?” “Computer stuff.” I waited a moment, but apparently he didn’t plan to add anything to that. “Sounds interesting,” I said. This wasn’t going as well as I’d hoped. I should have been witty and erudite, and he should have been fascinated by me and been just as witty as I was. Instead, I was getting two or three words at a time out of him and I didn’t know what to say to him to move the conversation along. “I work with computers too,” I said after a few seconds. “Troubleshooting, mostly, but some software design.” “Cool,” he said. Great. We’d gone from multiple-word answers to single syllables. “I do software too,” he said. “So we have something in common.”

8 Karenna Colcroft “Yeah, I guess we do.” I smiled. “Are you from around here originally?” “No, but I’ve lived here so long it seems like I should be. Where are you from?” “Most recently, Philadelphia. I was born in Amish country, though.” He nodded and didn’t say anything else until we reached the Dunkin Donuts across the street from Maverick Station. Fortunately that was only a minute or two. He opened the door of the shop and stood there. It took me a second to catch on that he was holding the door for me. “Thanks,” I said, walking in. “You’re welcome.” He walked in behind me and we stood against the wall, studying the menu. “What do you take in your coffee?” “Cream and a sweetener,” I replied. “Caramel flavoring.” He grinned. “My favorite. Another thing we have in common.” “Yeah.” I was starting to like having things in common with him. I also liked his reaction to finding out we had things in common. Maybe I had some hope with him after all. “Do you want a sandwich or anything?” he asked. “I’m buying, remember.” I shook my head. “All their stuff has eggs and dairy at the very least. I’m vegan, so I try to avoid those things.” He raised an eyebrow. “And yet you just said you like cream in your coffee.” I shrugged. “I’m vegan. I’m not always good at it.” We got our coffees then descended into the depths of the Boston T system. The Blue Line, to be precise. Not the only way to go from East Boston into the heart of the city, but certainly the easiest, especially since it didn’t involve wending one’s way through rush hour Boston traffic. I’d thought rush hour in Philadelphia was bad, but it’d been nothing compared to this city. “So what do you do on your off time?” Tobias asked as we

sALAd on the side 9 stood on the platform surrounded by throngs of other morning commuters. I chuckled. “You’re assuming I have off time. The companies that pay for our computer expertise don’t seem to keep anything resembling a regular schedule.” “Somehow I think they let you quit working once in a while.” He started rocking from toe to heel. “You’ve been living around here for a few months now, but I don’t think I’ve ever noticed you having any friends over or anything. Haven’t you started forming social connections or however they phrase it nowadays?” My heart swelled at hearing that he noticed anything about me. I half-smiled at his wording. “I don’t really have time for that. And most of the people I work with have families or live too far away to partake of the Boston nightlife. Assuming there is any. I pretty much hibernate from the time I get home from work to the time I leave the next morning.” “That’s kind of sad really.” He winked to signal he was kidding. “So you don’t go out anywhere or have anyone over? Don’t date?” “I’d have to find the right person to date.” I kicked at a stray piece of paper that tried to attach itself to my foot and wondered where his line of questioning was headed. Most of the time when people asked if you dated they were interested in dating you. It looked like my instincts might have been off. “Things ended kind of sour with my last relationship. I was transferred here and he refused to move with me. Got kind of angry when I told him I was taking the job with him or without him. It meant a pretty big pay increase and I couldn’t pass that up.” He raised an eyebrow. “He? You’re gay?” “Yep.” I hadn’t kept it much of a secret since I’d graduated high school, so admitting it to Tobias didn’t faze me. His potential reaction concerned me a bit, though. “Does that bother you?” “Not a bit. I’m not one of those men who thinks any gay guy’s going to come on to me. I mean, straight guys don’t usually hit on every woman they meet, right? So why would a gay guy hit

10 Karenna Colcroft on every man he meets?” “Yeah, we’re usually pretty careful.” If I’d been in the mood to make a bet, that vague comment sounded more like a straight man than a gay one, unless he was still seriously deep in the closet. So why did I keep feeling like he was giving me the eye? “Yeah.” He sipped his iced mocha. “So since you hibernate from sundown to sunup, I assume you wouldn’t be interested in a get-together some friends and I are having at my place tonight? They’re all people who live in the neighborhood. A few of them have been a little curious about you since you seem to have only met me, Suzannah, and the Frelichs.” The Frelichs were a nice couple a few years older than me who lived in the apartment on the third floor of my building. Suzannah lived in Tobias’s building. “Like I said, I don’t have a lot of free time,” I replied. “So I haven’t really had a chance to meet my neighbors. I’d be happy to show up at your party, though, if you don’t think anyone would mind.” “I think they’d mind more if you didn’t show up. You’re an object of curiosity. The neighborhood doesn’t change very often. Some of those buildings have belonged to the same families since the turn of the last century.” His smile popped out his dimples again and I bit the inside of my cheek to remind myself not to notice them. “We need new faces around there, so I think everyone wants to meet the newest. Especially since it’s pretty much all people who live around the garden; your immediate neighbors, as it were.” “I’ve seen most of them, in that case.” Out the window, while they worked in the garden and I tried to work up the nerve to join them. I hadn’t wanted to intrude on people I didn’t know and ask if I could join their gardening parties. “You do have a good view of the garden from your place.” “Attention passengers, the next Blue Line train to Bowdoin is now approaching,” the automated loudspeaker system informed us.

sALAd on the side 11 “So you’ll come tonight?” Tobias asked. I resisted the urge to make a bad pun based on his phrasing and nodded. “I’ll be there.” “Attention passengers, the next Blue Line train to Bowdoin is now arriving.” Tobias gritted his teeth. “That damn thing is the main reason I don’t take the T more often. It’s just plain too loud.” “Yeah,” I agreed, even though it hadn’t sounded loud at all to me. Certainly not as loud as the train that pulled to a stop in front of the platform. Or as loud as the MP3 player held by the kid with the backwards baseball cap that I was forced to stand next to on the crowded train car, so close his cologne made me gag. Tobias, on my other side, held his nose for the time it took to travel from Maverick to Aquarium Station, the next stop. Then he clapped me on the shoulder. “I’m walking from here. I really don’t deal well with crowds like this. See you tonight. Around seven? You’ll be home by then?” “I should be.” I wasn’t always. Some nights I didn’t arrive home until nine or later. But for Tobias I’d make an effort to be early. “Good. See you then.” He forced his way through the crush of people out the door onto the platform and vanished into the crowd. Even though I couldn’t see him, I stared out the window as the train continued on its way. Tobias had asked me over to his place. Hadn’t had an issue with my being gay. If anything, he’d seemed intrigued by finding out about me. There would be other people at his place, of course. Plenty of them, from what he’d said. It didn’t matter. Tobias had invited me to his place and I might have a chance with him after all.

ChAPteR two I left work at five that afternoon. Right on schedule; except I almost never left at that time. Between my boss hammering the “support the company” thing into my head and clients who tended to call at the last possible second, I usually stayed glued to my desk when the workday whistle figuratively blew. Maybe if we’d actually had a whistle I wouldn’t have had to work so late most days. Some nights I didn’t arrive home until seven or eight. Not that I had anything to do with myself once I was home. Tonight, though, I had better things to do with my time. When I set aside my computer mouse and set my phone to night mode—meaning anyone who called would immediately reach my voice mail—my boss, who’d wandered out to peer over everyone’s shoulders, stared at me. “Where do you think you’re going?” “It’s five o’clock.” I stood. “I’m going home.” “You never leave at five,” he protested. “No one ever leaves at five. Five o’clock is a guideline.” “Right. I never leave at five. So tonight I am, because I have plans and I need to be on time for them. I think the past three months of staying until seven or later almost every night and occasionally coming in on weekends entitles me to leave at five once.” I kept my voice perfectly level, but it wasn’t easy. How dare he try to keep me from leaving when I had something important to do? Anger had never been one of my faults, so the intensity of my reaction to my boss surprised even me. Hence my speaking more quietly than usual as I added, “I won’t be in over the weekend, either. I’ll be here Monday morning, same time as usual, and if I have to stay late then, I will. Tonight, it’s Friday, I have plans, and I’m leaving.” He took a step back, eyes widening. “Yeah, fine. See you

14 Karenna Colcroft Monday.” Intimidating my boss didn’t feel as good as it could have. Before I did anything else scary, I hurried out of the office. The train from Government Center to Maverick was, as expected, crowded as hell. Even more than the morning train had been. On a Friday afternoon, everyone who worked in the city wanted out as quickly as possible. Again I was glad I didn’t have to drive, because I was pretty sure the streets were at least as packed as the train. I stood for the entire trip, crushed between a woman who wore far too much perfume and a man who could have used some. When I finally left the train at Maverick, someone called my name from the other end of the platform. My heart gave one of those happy little jumps that seem to happen a lot in romance novels and I turned to see Tobias hurrying toward me. “What a coincidence,” I said casually as he caught up with me. “We left at the same time this morning and we’re going home at the same time.” “Along with a few thousand other people,” he pointed out, grinning. I liked my “coincidence” explanation better. It made it seem like he and I had something in common. We headed up the stairs to the street, ignoring the escalator which had been taken over by exhausted commuters. I was feeling kind of tired myself, but since Tobias took the stairs, I did too. Not competitive at all, me. “So, are you nervous about tonight?” he asked as we walked up the street toward home. “Meeting all these new people?” I shrugged. “Not really. I’ve seen some of them in the garden, even if I haven’t talked to them. None of them look all that frightening. Besides, I’m pretty good at meeting people when I remember that I’m supposed to meet them.” “Ah, so you haven’t been hiding because you’re scared or antisocial, you just forget other people exist?” he teased. “Pretty much.”

sALAd on the side 15 “Well, you can’t forget tonight, because if you don’t show up, we’ll come over and drag you out of your apartment.” He tucked a stray piece of hair behind one ear. “I think you’ll have fun.” “I’m sure I will.” Most of the fun would involve trying to figure out why Tobias had suddenly taken such an interest in me. Since I’d moved in, we’d exchanged nods, waves, and even small talk, but none of that had indicated he wanted to get to know me better. My overworked imagination gave me many reasons why he might have chosen to invite me. Maybe I hadn’t dreamed the events of the previous night. Maybe he really had been out there naked and had seen me watching him. Maybe he only wanted to lure me to his apartment so he could kill me in cold blood for spying on him. Right, because that seemed like the sort of guy Tobias was. Anyone with a smile that warmed me clear through couldn’t possibly be a murderer, even if he had been spied on. And I’d dreamed that whole thing anyway, because Tobias nude in the garden was illogical enough to be a dream even if I didn’t count the whole thing about the dog with the orange eyes. “Are you there?” Tobias asked, sounding just a little impatient. “You kind of zoned out on me, Kyle. I didn’t think I was that boring.” “Sorry.” I forced my mind back to the present. Walking down the street with Tobias certainly should have been enough to hold my attention. “Mind wanders after work sometimes. What did I miss?” “You missed me asking you if you’re completely vegan or if you eat eggs and dairy products. I want to make sure we have something you’ll be able to eat tonight.” I blinked. Most people who found out I was vegan didn’t ask such intelligent questions about it. “I’m completely vegan,” I replied. “No eggs, no dairy, no honey, nothing that even remotely comes from an animal. But don’t go to any trouble. I have some things I can bring. I’ll even bring enough to share. You never know, people might like it.”

16 Karenna Colcroft “It isn’t any trouble,” he assured me. “You’re kind of the guest of honor. I mean, we’d already decided to have a party, but then Suzannah mentioned she hadn’t seen you socialize much and a few others said they hadn’t met you yet, so we decided to make it sort of a welcome to the neighborhood party for you.” He smiled ruefully. “Of course, I wasn’t supposed to tell you that. The point is, though, we want to make sure you’re comfortable there, which means having food you can eat. You do know we grow some fruits and vegetables in the garden, right?” “I’ve seen them.” Through my window since I hadn’t had time to explore the garden yet. “So we’ll make a salad or something out of those.” I checked my watch. Five-thirty, which wouldn’t give Tobias or anyone else much time to prepare special food for someone with dietary weirdness. “Don’t go to any trouble,” I repeated. “If you don’t stop saying that you’re the one who’ll be going to trouble, because you’ll be in it with me,” he growled. He glared at me. I just looked back, showing no fear whatsoever, and after a moment he chuckled. “Yeah, I don’t do threats very well. Look, Kyle, I think I mentioned you’re the main guest here. We want you to be able to eat. So we’ll make a salad. Maybe throw in some tofu or something if one of us can get to the store before party time. Don’t worry about it.” He was being nice to me and I was trying to talk him out of it. Definitely something wrong with that picture. So I just smiled and said, “Thanks. I like salads. Preferably with some kind of vinaigrette.” “I’m sure we’ll find something.” When we reached my building, Suzannah stood outside. “Just thought I’d check and make sure everything’s all set for tonight,” she said by way of greeting. “I figured one or the other of you would walk by here sooner or later.” She wore her long black hair in a side ponytail, which would have looked childish on most women. However, she pulled the look off well. Her copper skin shone against her white tank top

sALAd on the side 17 and shorts. If I’d ever thought about being attracted to a woman, she would have been it. “I was just explaining to Kyle that making a nice salad for him from the garden wouldn’t be any trouble.” Tobias emphasized the last word. “He seems to think we’re going out of our way for him and I’ve had a little trouble explaining we aren’t.” “We aren’t going out of our way,” Suzannah said firmly. “So get over it and show up at seven. Tobias, would you let me into your place, please? I have some cooking to do and it makes more sense to do it there than to cook in my apartment and then have to carry everything downstairs.” “No problem.” Tobias turned to me. “See you at seven. Prepare to eat salad and enjoy yourself, and remember, if you don’t show up we’ll come over and drag you out of your apartment.” “Tobias, be nice,” Suzannah said. “I’m being nice.” He bared his teeth. “I didn’t say what we’d do if we have to drag him out.” I laughed, though something in his tone made me more than a little nervous. “Don’t worry. I’ll be there.” “Good.” He put his hand at the small of Suzannah’s back and escorted her past the garden to the front door of their building. Seeing him touch her, I was hit by a small twinge of jealousy, which I didn’t like one bit. Suzannah was good people. If Tobias and she had something going on, more power to them. Even if that meant there’d never be anything between Tobias and me. I let myself into my apartment and slumped into the bedroom to change. I definitely didn’t want to go to the party in the same button-down shirt and slacks I’d worn to work. Even though I didn’t know my neighbors well, I doubted any of them would be particularly formal about a get-together in a neighborhood apartment. So jeans and a decent shirt would probably be safe enough.

18 Karenna Colcroft The problem was finding jeans and a shirt that showed off my slight advantages, i.e. muscles. I didn’t have much, because I didn’t really have time to work out. Most of the casual clothes I owned were either things I’d bought to hang around the house in or items Jerry had talked me into for when we went clubbing. That had been more his interest than mine, since I was pretty happy sitting at home watching TV together or something, but I’d indulged him occasionally. I finally found a pair of jeans that didn’t look too grubby or fit too snugly and paired them with a plain red T-shirt I didn’t remember buying. For all I knew, I hadn’t. I’d already found a few of Jerry’s possessions mingled among my stuff. Since Jerry no longer answered my phone calls or e-mails, I hadn’t been able to find out what he wanted me to do with the things I’d accidentally wound up with. I changed quickly. Too quickly. Once I had the clothes on, it was only six o’clock. A whole hour before I could go around the garden to Tobias’s. I turned on the TV and channel surfed. Nothing held my attention. My nerves and mind raced about a hundred miles a second and it took me a while to realize I was experiencing first-date jitters, which was absolutely ridiculous since this wasn’t a date. Far from it if half the neighborhood would be present. Once I recognized the problem, I managed to persuade myself I wasn’t really nervous. I wasn’t completely persuaded. My nerves still jangled and I kept wondering whether I looked all right. As though anyone would notice. I managed to focus on the network news long enough to find out the latest about the wars and horrors of the world at least. Not things I really wanted to know about. They gave me something other than Tobias to think about, though. A few minutes before seven, I pulled on my sneakers, made sure I hadn’t left the TV or anything else turned on, and headed to the next building. The front door had been propped open, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing considering the buildings were supposed to be secure. Then again, probably everyone in

sALAd on the side 19 Tobias’s building would be at the party and having the door open made things easier than having to interrupt the celebration to answer the doorbell every couple minutes. I walked in. In the hallway stood a man about half a head taller than my own six feet. His hair, held back in a ponytail, reached to his waist. Penetrating eyes that appeared black in the dim hall light glared at me as I entered. “Who are you?” Something about the guy gave me the sense that if I didn’t answer correctly, I’d be picking up my ass from the park across the street. “Kyle Slidell. I live in the next building.” I nodded in the direction of my home. “Tobias invited me.” “Yeah, he mentioned you. Go ahead.” He jerked his thumb toward an open door at the end of the hallway. “They’re waiting for you.” I walked down the hall, acutely aware of the guy watching me the whole way, as if he considered me some kind of threat. The most threatening thing I’d be capable of would be hugging Tobias too tightly, but then again, I’d made myself agree not to think of Tobias that way. Soft music, barely audible above the hum of conversation, floated out into the hallway when I neared the apartment. As soon as I stepped through the door, arms wrapped around me from behind. “About time you showed up!” Heart pounding, I tried to catch my breath. “Tobias, you asshole, don’t do that!” He chuckled, his breath hot against my ear. “No sneak attacks?” “I prefer to know I’m going to be attacked.” I struggled loose of him and turned. He wore the same denim cut-offs he’d had on the night before. The ones I hadn’t actually seen him wearing because I’d dreamed the whole thing. His chest was covered by a black hard-rock band T-shirt. His hair was in its typical ponytail, but some strands had straggled loose of the elastic and curled around his face.

20 Karenna Colcroft Screw whatever they’d cooked for me. Tobias looked good enough to eat. I tossed my head to try to shake the lust out of it. “I take it you’re happy to see me.” “I thought I was going to have to send some of my pa— friends to snag you,” he replied, grinning. “You’re such a recluse, I didn’t know if you’d actually show up.” I wondered what he’d stopped himself from saying. Not that it really mattered. Here I stood, face to face with the guy I’d lusted after for months, who I’d thought hadn’t even really known I existed but who now had invited me into his home. For a party at which I was allegedly the guest of honor. Who cared what he hadn’t said? I sure didn’t. “You said it was a special occasion,” I reminded him. “Something about people wanting to meet me. It would have been inexcusably rude for me to blow it off under those circumstances.” “And you’re not rude.” “Nope. Just a recluse.” His laugh caught the attention of most of the people in the room. Just like that, I became the object of focus for about a dozen people. Some of them were new or I’d seen them through my window as they worked in the garden. The only one I knew well was Suzannah, who gave me a friendly smile that only made me feel a little more comfortable. “Everyone, this is Kyle…” Tobias trailed off, looking confused. “You’ve lived here three months and I don’t know your last name yet.” “Slidell,” I supplied. A short, pudgy, bald guy toward the far side of the room snorted. “Redneck family?” “Watch it.” Tobias’s voice neared a growl. “We’re having a party here, not slamming the guests.”

sALAd on the side 21 The guy held up his hands in surrender. “No offense meant. I grew up in Kentucky. Redneck Central. It’s a familiar name, that’s all I meant.” “No offense taken.” Figuring I should probably act at least a little bit like I belonged there, I strode across the room and extended my hand to him. “Kyle Slidell,” I repeated. “Kirk McCoy.” His face flushed a slight red. “Yeah, one of those McCoys.” For a second, I had no clue what he was talking about, then I figured it probably had something to do with the apocryphal family feud between McCoys and Hatfields. “So you’re kind of redneck yourself.” “Yep.” He grinned. “Takes one to know one, I guess.” “My family’s from Pennsylvania, but I guess that isn’t too far off.” I turned my back on him. Something about the guy just rubbed me the wrong way. “So who else do I need to meet?” That apparently was some kind of signal, because suddenly everyone else in the room clustered around me, extending their hands and calling out names I didn’t remember two seconds later. I was awful about people’s names. That was one of the main reasons I didn’t socialize much. People tended to be annoyed round about the fourth or fifth time in an evening that you had to ask who they were. Tobias smiled tolerantly through the introductions, waiting until the crowd cleared to finally make his way to my side. “Kyle, we have music. We even cleared a little bit of dance space in the living room. Food’s over there, behind Katrine and Melia.” He nodded in the direction of a tall, willowy redhead who wore only a thigh-length sundress and a petite blonde with glasses. “Help yourself. We have salad and strawberries fresh from the garden and I’m sure there are a few other things over there you’ll be able to eat. At least, I told them to make sure of it, so hopefully they listened.” “We did,” Melia said indignantly. “It wouldn’t do to have a new neighbor treated poorly.” The words were right, but her tone

22 Karenna Colcroft was all wrong. Sarcastic, angry, and pretty strongly indicating that she didn’t like me even though we’d just met. Tobias narrowed his eyes. “No, it wouldn’t, Melia, and I trust you’ll remember that.” She lowered her gaze. “I will,” she said in a much more passive tone. What the heck? If I hadn’t known better, I’d have sworn she was afraid of Tobias. Nothing about him seemed at all frightening, but her immediate change of demeanor said something was going on between them. Either she feared him or he was some kind of dominant or something to her. I preferred the former. Not that I had anything against BDSM or those who practiced it; it just wasn’t for me. If Tobias was a Dom, I might have to reconsider whether I wanted to get something going with him. Especially if he thought he could dominate me. Right, because there’s a snowball’s chance in hell of that ever happening. “Kyle? Everything okay?” Tobias took a couple steps closer to me, so near now his body heat radiated against me. I wanted to lean on him and inhale the musky scent that rose from his skin and I barely managed to restrain myself from doing exactly that. “Yeah, fine.” I shook my head again. “Sorry. Been a long week and my brain’s a little fuzzy.” “Ah, you have Fridayitis.” Suzannah slid between Tobias and me, which fortunately shut off my ridiculous reaction to him. “I’m well familiar with that. Why don’t you come over here and have something yummy? Food will probably help.” “And I’ll go check on the music.” Tobias turned to the redhead. “Come with me, please, Melia.” She bit her lip. “Sure. I might be able to wrangle the CD player into cooperation.” Tobias preceded her into the living room. She walked a couple paces behind him, eyes to the floor. The blonde, looking uncomfortable, slipped away from the food counter and went out to the hall.

sALAd on the side 23 I stared after Tobias and Melia until Suzannah nudged me. “Food?” she said impatiently. “Stuff you eat? Sitting over there on the counter?” “Yeah. That.” I allowed her to tug me over to the counter where she handed me a paper plate and began filling it with everything that contained no meat or animal products. Still occupied with trying to figure out the dynamic between Tobias and Melia, I barely even noticed what she put on the plate, and its increasing weight surprised me into almost dropping it. “You really aren’t with it, are you,” she said sympathetically. She took the plate out of my hands and set it on the counter. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing.” I picked up the plate. “This looks great. Where should I sit?” “The living room,” she replied. She pointed to the kitchen table, which had no chairs around it. “No one ever sits in here. Tobias prefers to have his guests in the living room.” Louder music started playing in the other room and all of us who’d remained in the kitchen walked through the doorway. Other than Suzannah, everyone seemed pretty subdued and I wanted to ask what their problem was. I didn’t think it had anything to do with me, since I hadn’t done anything to offend anyone as far as I knew. But being the new guy made me a little paranoid, so I wondered if I had done something. I didn’t have a chance to ask, though. Glancing around the living room, I saw that Tobias and Melia weren’t there. The door to the garden stood open, but Kirk quickly closed it. “Enjoy your meal,” Suzannah told me in a voice full of forced cheer. “Tobias should be right back.” She perched on the arm of the couch and gestured for me to sit on the cushion. Her eyes flicked nervously toward the window, but since the curtain had been pulled across it, she couldn’t see anything. I wanted to know what on earth was going on. Why Tobias and Melia had gone outside and why everyone seemed so

24 Karenna Colcroft determined not to let me see the garden. With ten pairs of eyes on me, though, I really didn’t think asking would be such a great idea. So I started nibbling on the strawberries.

ChAPteR thRee Several long, silent minutes passed before Tobias entered the room through the garden door. Melia wasn’t with him. Beside me, Suzannah stiffened. Tobias shook his head slightly at her and she relaxed a little. “Everything okay?” one of the other guests, a gray-haired woman whose name had long since escaped my memory, asked. “Melia just went home to get some soda she forgot to bring.” Tobias spoke smoothly, but he didn’t look anyone in the eye, which made me think he wasn’t being completely honest. The irrational part of my brain wondered if he’d murdered Melia and used her for fertilizer. I set down my plate just in case the irrational part took over and I bolted out of the room. The rational part wondered the same thing. Tobias was a nice guy, but he’d been sorely pissed when Melia had mouthed off in the kitchen and he’d almost certainly done something. Not murder. Probably. But something. His explanation seemed to satisfy everyone else, though. And when he nudged Suzannah out to her feet and took her seat beside me, his presence reassured me to the point of not wanting to ask any further questions about Melia. Or anything else. “Sorry about that.” He pitched his voice low enough that I didn’t think anyone else heard him over the music. “She has a wicked tongue on her and sometimes she goes a little overboard. We just had a little talk about being good neighbors. Don’t worry, Kyle. I didn’t kill her or anything.” I blinked in surprise. He’d read my mind. He laughed. “You looked scared shirtless, my friend. No, I’m not any kind of psycho. I just like to see people treated with respect in my home and Melia wasn’t very respectful to either of us. So I wanted to clear the air with her. She really did go home for that soda.”

26 Karenna Colcroft The front door of the apartment banged against the kitchen wall and loud chatter heralded the arrival of the Frelichs, my upstairs neighbors. Mrs. Frelich, a woman who reminded me very strongly of my mother, made a beeline through the kitchen to the couch and grabbed my hands. “Get up here and give me a hug, Kyle.” Smiling, I did as she commanded. The Frelichs had been the first people I’d met in the neighborhood, by virtue of living in the same building, and Mrs. Frelich had apparently adopted me as the son she’d never known she wanted. Mr. Frelich, who trailed his wife into the room, treated me well too, but nothing like Mrs. Frelich. Of course, being the antisocial recluse Tobias had accused me of being, I didn’t see the Frelichs as often as I probably should have. So I happily hugged Mrs. Frelich, gave her husband a hearty handshake, and nodded and smiled when they reminded me for the ten-thousandth time to call them Harriet and Frank. As the party went on the atmosphere became more relaxed. Melia did return, eventually, bearing three two-liter bottles of soda and an apology, which I quickly accepted because Tobias was looking on with thunderclouds on his face and I didn’t want him any angrier with her than he’d become earlier. People chatted and ate, danced and hugged, and I caught the guy who’d tried to block me from entering the party and the blonde who’d been with Melia in the kitchen making out behind the open garden door. By the end of the night, I felt like I actually belonged in the neighborhood rather than being just an onlooker. At midnight, Tobias shut off the CD player. The moon, still full, shone brightly through the window and a couple of the guests kept glancing at the light uneasily. “Time to go,” Tobias said casually. “I know it’s an early night for a Friday, but I think we’ve all had long weeks at work. Thanks, all, for showing up to meet Kyle.” Everyone smiled at me, so I felt obligated to say something. “I really appreciate the effort you all went to. The food was great and it meant a lot that Tobias and whoever else took the time to

sALAd on the side 27 put together the salad and things. I live right downstairs from the Frelichs, so any of you can feel free to drop by when you like.” Not that I expected any of them actually would. I really didn’t want people dropping in on me out of the blue. It just seemed like the thing to say. The gray-haired woman—whose name I still couldn’t recall— scratched nervously at the back of one hand. “It’s been wonderful meeting you, Kyle.” Her voice sounded strained. “I’m sure we’ll see you again soon.” “I’ll walk you back to your place,” Tobias offered. “Right, because we don’t want anything happening to me on the mean streets between here and the next building?” I raised an eyebrow. “Thank you, but I’m a big boy, Tobias. And I can walk home with the Frelichs if you’re really that concerned.” “I want to walk you home.” He looked intently into my eyes. “Very much.” Oh. Images of naked bodies, his and mine, on my bed in my apartment rushed through my head and I closed my eyes for a second to break the chain between our gazes. “Sure,” I said cheerily. “That would be nice.” “I’ll be back,” Tobias informed the others. They all nodded. Tobias had said the party was over. Surely they’d all be leaving as well. None of them made a move toward the door, though, and Melia narrowed her eyes as Tobias led me out the front door of the apartment. “You didn’t want to say goodbye to the rest of your guests?” I asked as we walked out of the building onto the sidewalk. “Some of them will still be there when I return. They’re helping clean up.” He grinned. “I didn’t want you sticking around and offering to help clean. It was your party, so you don’t have to do any of the work.” “It was your party,” I corrected. “So that people could meet you and you could meet them.” He put his hand on my arm. Hot chills ran through me from

28 Karenna Colcroft the point of contact. “You’re kind of an anomaly around here, Kyle. Everyone else in these apartments—” he gestured at the buildings around the garden—“hangs out together. Shopping, watching the games, whatever. You’ve kept to yourself, which is fine, but everyone wanted to know more about you. Now you’re part of the group.” “Cool.” I didn’t really know how I felt about that, to be honest. Everyone seemed pretty nice, but the weirdness around the disagreement between Tobias and Melia had me on edge. Something about that whole thing hadn’t felt right, and until I managed to put my finger on it, I wouldn’t be completely comfortable around any of them. Not even the Frelichs or Suzannah, all of whom had been the most comfortable people I’d ever met in my life until then. We walked up to the front door of my building. The place was dark, of course, because the Frelichs and I’d been at Tobias’s, and I didn’t know where the second floor neighbor went on weekends, but he was never there. Come to think of it, I rarely saw him during the week either. “Thanks for the walk,” I said, feeling excruciatingly awkward. I unlocked the door but didn’t open it. “I’d invite you in, but they’re probably waiting for you to come back.” I glanced toward Tobias’s building. Someone was staring out the garden window, but from here, I couldn’t tell who. “They can wait.” Tobias shoved the door open and pushed me inside. When he shut the door behind him, we were left in the darkness of the unlit hallway. I could barely see his face even though it was only inches from my own. “You want me to go?” “No,” I said hoarsely. Him leaving was the last thing I wanted. He caressed my cheek with one hand, a hand that felt strong enough to crush my face if he wanted to. His other hand slipped through my short hair. He pulled my head toward him and I took an involuntary step forward to keep from losing my balance and falling into his arms. That wouldn’t have been a bad thing. I just didn’t want to

sALAd on the side 29 embarrass myself before our first kiss, because I was pretty sure that was about to happen. His soft lips pressed against mine. He tasted like hamburgers and strawberries. I decided to ignore the hamburger part and crushed my mouth more forcefully to his. This couldn’t really be happening. Here I stood, in my hallway, kissing the man I’d wanted for months. Warmth rippled over my skin and ran through my body. Along with the physical embrace, I felt something deeper, as if his soul and mine had joined. I’d never felt anything like it, not even during sex with my previous lover. It wasn’t only physical desire. We belonged together. Not quite sure how to cope with the intensity of that connection, I focused on the physical. My cock rose to full mast inside my jeans. I fought the urge to grab his hand and bring it to that hard bulge. The fight was a difficult one, because I so badly wanted his touch that my dick ached for it. Whatever had developed between him and me had happened so suddenly I hadn’t realized it existed until now. But I wanted him, wanted him so strongly I kept my mouth on his so I wouldn’t blurt out my feelings to him. The warmth of his touch grew to full heat inside me. The deeper connection between us was palpable, as if a cord joined us together. The thought of breaking our embrace made my heart ache. His tongue touched my lips and I opened my mouth slightly to give him access. As if on its own, my hand reached up and yanked the elastic from his ponytail, letting his hair fall freely around our faces, shielding the kiss from anyone who might be watching. Not that anyone could see us in the hallway. Still, I felt eyes on us and that disturbed me. His hand left my cheek and stole down the side of my body to my hip. With his other hand, he cupped the back of my head to prevent me from backing away from the kiss. Something I didn’t want to do anyway, so I didn’t mind being held in place. On my hip, his hand paused for a moment as if he had to decide which direction to go. My lust begged him to choose forward, to stroke my cock through my jeans. He chose the other way, and caressed

30 Karenna Colcroft my ass, sending a jolt through me that might have given me my first premature ejaculation if I hadn’t held onto a modicum of control. Everything about the man screamed at me to fuck him. Or let him fuck me. I didn’t really care which of us wound up on the receiving end. I only wanted to be naked with him, our hands and mouths and cocks against each other’s body. I wanted him to touch me the way I hadn’t been touched since before I’d moved to Boston. Sparks danced over my skin at the thought. He pulled his mouth ever so slightly away from mine. “I want you,” he growled, his words vibrating against my lips. “Yeah.” I couldn’t think of anything more intelligent to say. Now he let go of me and took a step back. Gasping, I stared at him. Had I said something wrong? “I can’t.” His voice was hoarse and he breathed heavily after he spoke. At the front of his jeans was evidence that he wanted me just as much as I did him. “Not tonight.” He raked his hand through his hair. “Fuck, Kyle, not tonight of all nights. I’m sorry.” “What’s so wrong with tonight?” I took a step toward him. “You said the others are going to clean up your apartment, right?” Shocking myself, I traced my finger over his cock. “All I have to do is open my door. So what if you’re gone longer than it takes to walk over here?” “You don’t understand.” “Then explain.” I folded my arms. I couldn’t believe he would bring me to this fever pitch and then just walk away. I made fun of “throbbing cocks” in stories, but my cock damn well did throb with the need to touch him, to fuck him. If he didn’t plan to follow through, he owed me a seriously incredible explanation. He shook his head. “I can’t. Kyle.” He touched my forearm. “You’re pissed and I don’t blame you. I’m pretty pissed at myself right now too. Tonight—tonight’s just a bad time and I can’t stay. I need to get back to my place. Don’t hate me, please?” The wistful note in his voice made it impossible for me to

sALAd on the side 31 hate him. In the dim light, I couldn’t quite see the expression in his eyes, but I could easily picture the pleading look he must have been giving me. “I don’t hate you.” I took a couple shuddering breaths and thought about my former neighbor’s housedress again. My cock wilted. I figured I’d get through the night without total blue balls, though part of me still wanted to slam him against the wall and take him right then and there. I stored the thought for future reference. Future meaning when I made it into my apartment and had a chance to solve this problem by myself. “Are you sure?” he asked softly. “Yeah. I’m sure.” I forced a smile to my face, though I didn’t know how well he could see it. “I don’t hate you. My dick might for a while, but it’ll get over it.” He laughed. It sounded as forced as my smile. “All right. Sometime, Kyle, I really hope I’ll be able to explain to you why I have to leave tonight. Right now, though, I can’t. I need time to put the thoughts together in a way that will make sense to you. Just understand—” he kissed my forehead—“I really do want you. And hopefully we’ll find a time to make it happen, if you aren’t too angry with me.” “Dinner,” I blurted. “What?” “Come over for dinner. I’m a pretty decent cook.” I couldn’t seriously be inviting this man over to eat my attempt at a meal. “Pretty decent” meant my food was edible, but that was the best one might say about it. “We can talk more then. Maybe you’ll figure out your explanation. Maybe we won’t need words for anything.” “I like that idea.” He drew a long, slow breath. “Yes. Dinner. Sunday? I don’t think I’m free tomorrow night. Or tonight, whichever you want to call it.” “Sunday,” I agreed. “Promise?” “Sealed with a kiss.” He lightly touched his lips to mine.

32 Karenna Colcroft “Thank you for tolerating this, Kyle. Trust me, as soon as I can explain rationally, I will.” “You’d better.” He opened the front door and walked out. Fumbling in the darkness, I opened my front door and went into my apartment. My hard-on hadn’t completely softened. The arousal had refused to leave while I stood so close, hearing Tobias’s voice and smelling his body. Denied my preferred outlet, I decided I’d have to take matters into my own hands. Literally. I shed my clothes on the way into my room. Two of the advantages to living alone: I could walk around naked if I wanted to and no one bitched if I left my clothes on the floor. Nude and back to full hardness, I took out the bottle of lube I kept in my nightstand drawer in the hopes that someday I might need it for something other than jerking off and squirted some into my hand. I lay on my back and closed my eyes, feeling Tobias against me, his lips crushed to mine, his hands in my hair and on my ass. I began stroking myself slowly, pretending it was Tobias’s hand wrapped around my dick. I pictured the front of Tobias’s nude body held to the wall by my hands, his bare ass tantalizing me. I could almost feel the softness of his skin against the palms of my hands as I imagined stroking his back and ass. The scent of soap and, beneath it, a smell that I could only describe as Tobias filled my nose. My erection stiffened further, in reality and in my fantasy, and in my mind I brushed it against Tobias and he pushed back against me. I imagined entering him from behind, his tight channel gripping my cock, the friction bringing my arousal to full boil. A moan floated through the room from somewhere and I took a second to realize it came from me. I usually stayed silent when I jerked off. Too many years of hiding under the covers in my bedroom hoping my parents and sister wouldn’t find me. In my mind, I heard Tobias’s moan as I thrust into his ass again and again. I imagined reaching around him to grip his cock, ordering him to play with himself while I drove into him.

sALAd on the side 33 Fuck, yeah, that would be hot. Tobias seemed like such a strong, dominant guy. I wondered what he would do if I took control of our fucking. I could see Tobias so clearly in my mind’s eye. On all fours, he knelt on my bed, hands gripping the comforter as if it kept him from flying away. He threw his head back and moaned loudly, crying my name. I was on my knees behind him, teasing his hole with my lube-covered finger, occasionally penetrating then withdrawing. Under my hand, the smooth skin on his back was as hot as if my actions had set a fire within him and I stroked his skin almost absentmindedly as I toyed with him. The move made him shudder each time, pushing him against me and sending shivers through me, and he begged me to fuck him. He was tight and warm around my finger and the thought of how that tightness would feel gripping my cock made me painfully hard. I would make us both wait though. The more anticipation we built, the better the main event would be. I slicked my cock with lube, sliding my hand rapidly over the hard shaft, bringing myself just short of the brink. I didn’t want to come all over my hand. I wanted to let go inside his tight ass. I positioned my dick at his opening and slowly eased forward. Even though I wanted to take him hard and fast, I had the sense he hadn’t done this very often, if ever before, and I didn’t want to hurt him. Resistance gave way with a small pop as the tip of my cock entered him. His channel gripped me like a fist and I breathed deeply to keep from coming before I managed to fully enter him. As I pressed further into him, the tightness became exquisite torture as I forced my climax to stay at bay. In reality, I gripped myself harder and frantically stroked, using the vibrant images in my mind to fuel my race toward climax. I’d always had a good imagination, but nothing had filled my head like this. Even though I knew it was just a fantasy, I swore I felt Tobias’s ass cheek under my palm, heard his soft moans and whimpers, felt the tight rings of his channel as I pushed forward. I exploded so hard I saw stars. Flame raced through me as I ejaculated onto my hand and belly and the warmth of the seed fueled aftershocks that left me limp and breathless. For several moments I lay still, eyes closed, panting. My body shuddered occasionally with the remnants of the orgasm. I didn’t think I’d ever made myself come quite that hard before.

34 Karenna Colcroft Finally, I managed to return my breathing to something approximating normal. I grabbed a tissue from the box on the nightstand and cleaned up a bit, then rose and padded into the bathroom for a quick shower. As I turned on the water, I thought I heard a howl outside. This time, I was smart enough not to go to the window.

ChAPteR fouR After a hot, somewhat soothing shower I went to bed. According to my clock it was one in the morning when I lay down. The next time I opened my eyes, it was eleven. I didn’t remember any dreams, but I knew I’d had some. Given the way my mind had wandered the night before, not to mention the weirdness of the night prior to that, it was probably a good thing I couldn’t remember. The only problem I had with Saturdays was that I rarely had anything to do. Of course, sometimes I went into work, either by choice or because some desperate company called and I had to help them fix their computer systems before their heads exploded. Sometimes I went to the grocery store, but more often I had my groceries for the week delivered because it made life a lot easier. I still hadn’t learned to navigate all the streets that lay between me and the nearest grocery store, so when I tried to drive to the store I either wound up lost or going the wrong way down one of the myriad one-way streets. And if I walked, I always wound up buying more than I could carry and had to call a cab to take me home. I didn’t know if all Boston cab drivers were completely insane or if I’d just been unfortunate. I preferred not to find out. This week I’d already placed my grocery order so going to the store wouldn’t happen. Although it occurred to me that I hadn’t ordered any pasta and having some on hand might be a good idea. The one thing I actually cooked well was spaghetti with homemade meatless sauce. That would be a perfect meal to serve Tobias. Spaghetti, homemade sauce using vegetables from the garden if there were any yet. Maybe strawberries with whipped topping for dessert. The fact that I didn’t know whether any vegetables had grown in the garden at this time of year bothered me a little. I lived beside the garden; I should know what we had in it. The

36 Karenna Colcroft salad we’d had the night before had supposedly been made with garden vegetables, except some of the veggies hadn’t looked like anything that would grow this far north. For someone who’d been vegan since high school, I knew remarkably little about fruits and vegetables. At least how they grew. I went to the grocery store or studied the produce selections online, purchased what I wanted, and that was that. So maybe I would spend part of my day exploring the garden. After splashing some cool water on my face to help wake me up, I stumbled into the kitchen, wearing nothing at all since that was what I’d gone to bed in, to start a pot of coffee. A face appeared at the kitchen window. “Fuck!” I dropped the coffee pot into the sink and ran back into my room to put some clothes on. Apparently I’d been wrong about being able to walk around naked in my own apartment. I yanked on a clean pair of boxers, glancing uneasily at my bedroom window which sat on the same side of the building as the kitchen. Someone had been looking in from the garden, which wouldn’t have been a problem if I’d been wearing anything. Though it did disturb me a little that one of my neighbors had found it necessary to spy on me. Over the boxers I put on a pair of gym shorts—a laughable name for them since I hadn’t been to a gym in over a year—and topped it with a faded Penn State T-shirt. Then I returned to the kitchen and discovered that in my shock, I’d dropped the coffee pot hard enough to crack it. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I yelled toward the window. Whoever had been peeping had robbed me of my morning coffee, which just plain pissed me off. “If you say it louder, it might happen!” someone shouted from outside. Recognizing Tobias’s voice, I couldn’t help but grin. I opened the garden door, which was in the kitchen in my apartment, and found him standing beside the window, beaming like he’d won some kind of prize. I forced my face into something

sALAd on the side 37 approximating anger and demanded, “You get your kicks being a peeping tom?” “Only when there’s something nice to look at.” He winked. “Sorry. I didn’t think you’d be naked. Actually, I didn’t think you’d be in there. I was just curious about what room that was.” “You made me break my coffee pot.” I pretended to pout. “You owe me coffee.” “Well, I’d certainly hate to deprive you of your caffeine. Feel like taking a walk to Dunkin?” Hands on my hips, I glared at him. Of course, I didn’t really feel angry with him. Actually, I was a little flattered at his interest. The way he’d walked off on me the night before I hadn’t been sure whether he’d talk to me again at all, let alone be interested in spending any more time with me. Apparently I hadn’t scared him off. Maybe he really had had a good reason for bailing the way he had. “It had better be a large coffee,” I warned. “As large as you want. One of their fancy latte things, maybe. With whipped cream.” He paused. “Wait. Scratch that. With whatever you want in it. How do you take your coffee, anyway? When we were there the other day, you had cream in it, right?” “That’s my lone exception to veganism,” I admitted. “Here at home, I use nondairy creamer, but they don’t seem to have that at Dunkin. Their coffee is worth giving up my principles for once in a while. Note that I only have coffee from there when I’m desperate or when someone else is buying.” “So are we going? Because I think both conditions apply. You’re desperate because I made you break your coffee pot and I’m buying.” “We’re going.” I looked down at myself. “As long as you can put up with me being a slob.” “I’m not inspecting your clothes,” he assured me. “Though my mind may wander a bit to what you have under them.” A delicious little shiver ran through me when he said that and

38 Karenna Colcroft I grinned. “You had your chance to find out last night and you blew it.” “I didn’t blow anything.” A moment passed before I caught his pun, then I groaned. “Very, very funny. Do I get an explanation yet?” “I don’t know. Let’s just get going and I’ll try to figure it out on the way.” He turned. “Come on, we’ll go through my apartment. I need to grab my wallet and lock up. Do you want to lock your doors?” “I don’t have my keys.” I hadn’t come out here with the intention of going anywhere else, after all. “I’ll go back for them and meet you out front.” “All right.” He went back into his apartment and I went into mine, closing and locking the garden door behind me. After the weird way some of my neighbors had acted the night before, I wasn’t quite as confident about leaving that door unlocked as I might have been before Tobias’s party. I debated changing my shirt, at least. Then I decided to go through with my threat to dress like a slob. After all, if he hadn’t been peeking in my window I would have had time to put on something that looked nicer. If my outfit was so grubby it embarrassed him it would be his own fault. He was already in front of my building when I walked outside, which startled me. It hadn’t been that long since he’d gone into his place. Either he was incredibly organized and had been able to lay hands on everything he needed without hesitation or he was in a hurry. We headed up the street. “Melia asked me to apologize to you again,” he said. “She’d had a couple too many. This morning she was sobered up enough to realize she’d been a little bitchy.” “She’s jealous,” I said, wondering where the hell that flash of insight came from. I knew I was right, though, even before I glanced at Tobias and saw the stunned look on his face. “She has a thing for you, right? Maybe you even had a thing for her at one point.”

sALAd on the side 39 “We slept together once.” He didn’t even hesitate to admit it. “A few months ago, before you even moved here. Since then she thinks she’s my girlfriend, or at least deserves more attention from me. Unfortunately, I really don’t like her all that much.” That made him bisexual, which bothered me more than I was willing to tell him. I didn’t think of myself as a prejudiced guy. I honestly didn’t care what—or who—people did. I’d had a couple bad experiences with guys who identified as bi before I’d met Jerry, though, and so Tobias’s confession made me a little wary. The other bi guys I’d dated had kept their “I like men” side hidden so deeply that one of them hadn’t even acknowledged me when we met in the grocery store. Yeah, I didn’t always have the best taste in relationships. It wouldn’t really be fair of me to judge Tobias by past experiences, though. “So you’re bi?” I asked, realizing that it was probably a bit too soon to ask such a personal question. Then again, he’d just TMI’d me with the whole news flash about sleeping with Melia. “That’s a tough question to answer.” He fell silent for the length of time it took us to reach the next corner, a couple minutes. “I’ve slept with women. I can’t say I’ve had feelings for them. Maybe friendship, but nothing more; no real physical attraction, even.” I didn’t bother asking why he’d slept with them if he wasn’t attracted to them. “And men?” Now he hesitated. He could tell me about fucking Melia without blinking, but he couldn’t bring himself to talk about whether he’d slept with any men. Yeah, this potential relationship would definitely take some work and I didn’t know whether I had the energy for it. “I was in love with a guy once,” he said after a moment. He spoke so quietly I had to strain to hear him. I didn’t think he was afraid anyone would overhear, though. It was difficult for him to talk about this guy, for whatever reason. “I never slept with him. It just… We never had a chance. He’s gone now.”

40 Karenna Colcroft I took “gone” as meaning what it usually meant in that context. “I’m sorry.” He inclined his head. “Thank you. It’s a long story. He had to die, unfortunately, but that didn’t mean I wanted him to.” I didn’t think I wanted to know what he meant by “had to” die. That sounded like maybe he’d had something to do with his friend’s death. I decided I would rather not consider that possible viewpoint. “That’s too bad.” Not the most comforting thing I could have said, but the only other comments that came to mind were really bad, tasteless jokes. “Yes, it was.” He sighed. “There are a bunch of reasons I’ve never had a relationship—or even sex—with a guy. Lack of desire is not one of those reasons.” He gave me a sideways glance. “I’ve been avoiding you a little since you moved here.” “Until all of a sudden you walk to the T with me, then invite me to a party, and make out with me in my hallway,” I muttered. “So what are you telling me; you didn’t mean it and it’s never going to happen again?” The thought hit me like a blow to the chest. Not anger. Pain. I wanted this man, not just in bed, and if he was planning to tell me he had to avoid me for the rest of the time we lived next door to each other, I’d probably be running to my boss for a transfer to get the hell away from him. After the kiss, the connection between Tobias and me, I wouldn’t be able to stand not having more. “Quite the opposite.” In a movement so quick it blurred in my vision, he spun in front of me, facing me and blocking the sidewalk. “The first time I met you, something drew me to you,” he said in a low, husky tone. “Scared the hell out of me, because I remembered what happened to Harok and I couldn’t handle having anything like that ever happen to anyone else.” “Someone killed him because he was gay?” He shook his head then reconsidered and nodded. “I don’t know, honestly,” he said, brow furrowed. “He’d done some things. Dangerous things not only harmful to himself but to the rest of the pa—people we were close to. Because of that,

sALAd on the side 41 because other people died as a result of his actions, he couldn’t be allowed to go on. I think probably some of the others weren’t too fond of the idea of him being gay. He was a lot more ‘out’ about it than I was.” He made air quotes. “That wasn’t the reason for his death, though.” “I—um.” I had no idea what to say. He spoke in a nearmonotone, but his body tensed. I felt bad for making him remember Harok. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled. “Yeah, thanks.” He whirled around and walked away so fast if he’d been anyone else I’d have called it running. I stared after him, gape-mouthed until he glanced over his shoulder and stopped again. “Come on,” he said. “I promised you coffee. I’m not upset enough to back out of that yet.” Slowly, I walked up to him. I had a whole lot more questions now, but I wasn’t sure I dared to ask after the way he’d just reacted. He had a pretty calm exterior. Under it, I sensed a rolling boil of temper that I really didn’t want to be the target of. “Kyle, it’s a tough thing to talk about,” he said, giving me a half smile. “I don’t mean to scare you. Believe me; I’m not angry with you at all. I want you to know about me. I think that’s what I’m oh-so-awkwardly trying to tell you. I was in love with Harok and I couldn’t act on it and neither could he because of—let’s just call it extenuating circumstances for now, shall we?” “So you’re so deep in the closet no one’s ever going to drag you out?” He shook his head. “Not anymore. If we give this a try, if you can look past the fact that I’m scared to have feelings for anyone after what happened to Harok, I think I can put it aside and give you and me a chance. I probably won’t shout it from the rooftops or anything. I won’t hide it, though.” “What are you asking for, Tobias?” I’d grown impatient with his waffling. Obviously even thinking about a relationship with me brought up a whole lot of baggage for him and I didn’t want him to feel like he had to force his way through that all at once. On the other hand, I didn’t like vague comments. If he wanted

42 Karenna Colcroft me, he could damn well say so. “I’m asking for you to give me a chance.” He paused. “And to be patient, because honestly; I haven’t done the relationship thing with anyone, male or female. I’ve had sex with women and my thing with Harok. That’s about it.” “I really didn’t need to know that.” Especially that he’d had sex with more than one woman. That really didn’t bode well in terms of his accepting his attraction to me. “Sorry.” He swallowed hard. “I suck at this, okay? The first time I met you, something hit me smack upside the head and I didn’t know how to deal with it. At first, I thought keeping my distance would help, but it didn’t. I invited you to that party the other night because other people wanted to meet you, but also because I wanted to spend time with you.” “And to make out with me in the hall.” He didn’t answer for a moment since a group of teenagers chose that moment to try to force us off the sidewalk by refusing to leave us any room to walk. Tobias merely kept walking, coming within less than an inch of one of the boys. The group parted to let Tobias through as if he scared them. They swore and muttered behind us, but that was the only reaction. “You intimidate people.” Captain Obvious, that’s me. “I don’t understand how. You’ve even intimidated me and that isn’t easy to do.” “I’m not really intimidating,” he replied. “I know what I want and I get it, that’s all.” “That’s all?” I raised an eyebrow. “That’s kind of a lot, Tobias.” “Yeah, but that isn’t what we were talking about.” He stopped again, though at least this time he didn’t whirl in front of me. When he looked at me, his eyes were filled with hunger and pleading, and I ached for him. “You have no idea what you do to me,” he said hoarsely. “I think even if I was bound and determined to pretend to be straight for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t be able to do it around you.”

sALAd on the side 43 “Why would you want to pretend, anyway?” I was genuinely curious. I’d known plenty of guys who had good reason to keep their sexuality hidden, including one who’d been threatened with murder if he came out. If Tobias felt he had to pretend, that would definitely put a crimp in any relationship I might have with him. For half my teen years I’d acted straight, done all the right things in terms of dating girls, kissing them, playing the “how far will we go” game. I’d even lost my virginity to a girl when I was sixteen. I’d hated every second of it and the biggest relief of my entire life had come when my mother had sat me down and told me she didn’t care whether I liked men or women as long as I liked myself. Even though I hadn’t thought I’d given any indication I was gay, somehow she’d picked up on it; mother’s instincts or something. After that, I’d refused to pretend anymore. And I wasn’t about to start again because of Tobias’s hang-ups. He sighed. “That’s part of what I haven’t figured out how to explain. Let’s just say there are some people who wouldn’t respond well if news got out that I’m gay.” “Bi,” I corrected automatically. “That I’m attracted to men,” he snapped. “The term doesn’t matter. The point is, to some people a man who likes other men is seen as weak. Very, very weak. And being seen that way would not be a good thing for me.” “All anyone would have to do is watch the way you just scared the heck out of those kids. I don’t think they’d think you were weak then.” “You haven’t answered me yet.” He started walking again and I fell into step beside him. “About giving me a chance?” “Tobias.” My turn to sigh. “Look. You’ve never had a relationship at all. You’ve never even had sex with a guy. You’ve been hiding being attracted to men for who knows how long and you’re afraid someone’s going to do something horrible to you— or me—if they find out. There are a whole lot of reasons for me to tell you we’d be better off as friends.”

44 Karenna Colcroft “So is that what you’re telling me?” I didn’t know what to tell him. I wanted him. Just being near him made my cock perk up. At least I wasn’t walking down the street with a boner. If he touched me, I probably would be. That connection he’d mentioned hadn’t hit me the way it had him, but I definitely felt something toward him and my body translated it into perma-lust. I cared about him too, and that made it difficult for me to tell him he didn’t have a chance with me. My feelings for people didn’t usually develop this way. I started as friends, then maybe a few dates, some sex, and we ended up loving each other, or at least caring for one another. With Tobias, I hadn’t spoken to him enough before the past couple days to have anything I’d call a friendship with him and yet part of me was already picking out freaking monogrammed towels. “That isn’t what I’m telling you,” I said slowly. “I think… This is pretty sudden, you know, all things considered. We don’t even really know each other, even though we’ve been neighbors for a few months now. We haven’t talked that much or anything.” “But, as you’ve pointed out a few times, we’ve made out in your hallway.” He grinned. “Time is an illusion, my friend. Sometimes you know when something’s right even if it hasn’t been very long. I think you and I would be right. I’m not one of those in-the-closet faux-homophobes who’s going to make your life miserable by denying what I am to everyone including myself. Discretion, yes. I’d need that, but I’d need it whether you were you or a woman. That’s part of the price of what I am.” “What are you?” We’d finally reached Maverick Square and he held up one hand and opened the Dunkin Donuts’ door with the other. “We’ll talk about it more on the way back. Come in and order your coffee.” Right. Coffee. The reason we’d walked here. Except I didn’t think it was the real reason Tobias had chosen to end the conversation. He had something to hide. I wanted to know what.

sALAd on the side 45 Ten minutes later, each with an extra-large cup of iced coffee complete with plenty of creamer, sugar, and in my case French vanilla flavoring, we walked back out into the June heat. It was shaping up to be one of the warmest days of the season so far and I was glad we’d taken this walk before the heat became unbearable. We lived across the street from Boston Harbor, but the water was off-limits to me until I figured out how to get from home to one of the harbor ferry terminals in the city. Walking along, I didn’t even really care about the heat. Tobias studiously sipped his coffee and didn’t look at me, even though I stared at him with all the weight of my frustration. Stared as much as I could without walking into anything, that was. He didn’t speak until we turned the corner onto Orleans Street which led down to our street. “You’re pissed at me,” he observed. “You told me you’d explain.” To my own ears I sounded whiny. Hopefully he didn’t think so, though I wasn’t sure his opinion actually mattered to me at that point. “So far all I’ve heard from you is that you slept with Melia and who knows how many other women, you lost the one man you’ve ever loved, and you don’t know if you can handle a relationship with me but some weird bond makes you want to try.” “You’re misquoting.” He glared at me. “First of all, I never said I didn’t know if I could handle the relationship. I said it might not be easy and that I’d have to be discreet about it. There are people around who I’d rather not find out about anything to do with my personal life.” “Because they’ll hunt you down and kill you while you sleep?” I said sarcastically. His tone was perfectly serious as he replied, “They might. Worse, they might hurt you.” I snorted coffee through my nose. When he’d told me that his former lover had been killed, he’d said it hadn’t had anything to do with their relationship, or whatever he wanted to call it.

46 Karenna Colcroft Now he was telling me that I might wind up dead if I dated him. “You’ve just given me a huge reason to tell you no way,” I informed him after I spluttered for a moment. “I kind of like my life. I’d prefer to keep it for a while.” “They wouldn’t kill you,” he said grimly. “They’d just use you to get to me.” “Again, reason to say no.” I shook my head. “I don’t know if all this stuff is really true or if you’re trying to scare me off. Maybe if you told me the whole story instead of bits and pieces? I know you’re keeping something important from me, Tobias, and I don’t much like it. If you’re going to ask me to give you a chance, the least you can do is let me make an informed choice.” “You’re right.” Thoughtfully, he sipped more coffee. “You’re absolutely right. We don’t know each other very well. I know what I want from you, and I think you want the same thing, but we haven’t had enough time together to really know each other. And that’s my fault, like I said earlier. The last person I felt that instant connection with was Harok and after what happened to him it scared the fuck out of me to feel it with you, so I avoided you.” “And what changed?” I put a challenge in my voice. “You all of a sudden decided not to avoid me anymore. What is it, the way my ass looks in my jeans?” He laughed. “That doesn’t hurt, I’ll tell you. But no, that isn’t what changed. I think I’ve just finally decided that sometimes I have to live my life for myself and not just for everyone around me. You’re what I want.” He took my hand. “Can you honestly tell me you wouldn’t want something with me?” “Right now, yes, I can.” I yanked my hand out of his. “Until I know everything you’re hiding from me, I can’t do this, Tobias.” Even though that brief touch had brought my dick to full attention. Even though I wanted to run home and drag him into bed for the rest of the day. Lust didn’t cover up the fact that he wasn’t being honest with me and I refused to go any farther with this until he was.

sALAd on the side 47 “I was afraid you’d say that.” He regarded me so intently I squirmed. “Okay. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know, but not right now. We’re doing dinner tomorrow night, right?” “That was the plan.” Though I’d started questioning how good a plan it was. The whole homemade spaghetti sauce and strawberries leading to a nice romp in bed didn’t seem as much fun as it had before I’d realized how much he had to hide. “Let’s stick to that plan. Please?” He reached toward me, but to my relief didn’t touch me this time. I’d convinced myself I wasn’t aroused by him and I wanted to keep it that way for the rest of the morning at least. “Let me come over for dinner tomorrow night and I’ll tell you everything I can. Meaning everything I’m able to tell you that doesn’t impact anyone else. There are some things it just isn’t my place to talk about.” He held out his hand. “Deal?” I braced myself for the contact and shook hands with him. “Deal.” We walked down the street to my building. At the door Tobias kissed my cheek without even checking to see if anyone was looking. A little spark shot through me from the spot and I reminded myself that I refused to be turned on by him until I had answers to my questions. “Invite me in,” he growled. “Not until you let me in,” I countered. He smiled. “Fair enough. Just be aware that the longer I wait to have you, the longer I’m going to have you. You’re in for a long night tomorrow if things work out the way I hope they will.” Delightful images raced through my mind and I forced them away. “We’ll see.” “Yes, we will. Enjoy your coffee.” He started to walk away then turned and added, “Next time you decide to walk around naked, close your shades.” With a wink, he headed back to his place.

ChAPteR five My groceries arrived later that morning, a welcome distraction from trying to guess what Tobias hadn’t told me. Maybe he was a member of the Mob. That wasn’t as unlikely as it might have sounded, given what I’d read in news stories about the Boston area. My instincts, which had decided to function in high gear since Tobias had gone home, told me that wasn’t it, though. I tried to persuade the delivery driver to come back later with spaghetti and a few things I’d need to make the sauce, but he refused. Something about having to stick to a schedule and a minimum purchase amount for deliveries. I grumbled at him, paid him and his tip, and started carrying stuff from the hall into my apartment. “Need any help?” a woman called from the stairway. I jumped and hit my head on the wall. Graceful, that’s me. Irritated, I whirled around and then put a smile on my face when I saw Mrs. Frelich. “Good morning, Mrs. Frelich,” I said, much as a child might recite it to a teacher. She’d probably been one at some point. “Thanks, but I think I can manage.” She descended the last couple steps and picked up one of the bags. “Four bags, two hands. Let me help.” Since she obviously wouldn’t take no for an answer, I shrugged and led her into my apartment. We set the bags on the kitchen counter and I began unloading. “Thanks,” I said. “No problem.” She leaned against the wall. “So Tobias was over here a while last night and again this morning.” “He wasn’t over here this morning,” I corrected. “He asked me out for coffee after I broke my coffee pot.” I decided not to tell her about him spotting me naked in my kitchen. “Okay, so you spent time with him. Still. What’s going on?” There was a hardness to her tone that surprised me. I’d never known Mrs. Frelich to be anything other than a slightly fluffy

50 Karenna Colcroft older woman who treated me like someone who didn’t know how to take care of himself. Which I didn’t mind, because sometimes having someone else take care of me was nice. Now, though, she sounded almost angry, as though I’d done something wrong by spending time with Tobias. At least she didn’t know what had happened in my hallway after the party. “I’m not quite sure what you mean.” To keep from having to look her in the eye I started putting canned goods into the cupboard. “Nothing in particular is going on. He walked me over here after the party for some reason and we were talking a bit. Today, he was out in the garden and heard me swearing when I broke my coffee pot so he offered to buy me a cup of coffee. No big deal.” I didn’t believe myself, so I seriously doubted she believed me. Not that I cared. If anything was going on between me and Tobias it wouldn’t be any of her business anyway. Her look measured me and clearly found me lacking. “Kyle, a friendly piece of advice; there are some things you just plain don’t need to know. If Tobias starts trying to tell you too much, you’re best off telling him to shut up.” “I don’t really know anything about him,” I replied. Now I was getting irritated. Apparently whatever I didn’t know about Tobias, Mrs. Frelich knew and had decided I shouldn’t. She didn’t have a right to make that determination on my behalf. “So I don’t think you have anything to worry about. We’re becoming friends. Haven’t you told me a few times since I moved here that I need more friends?” “Yes, you do.” She put her hand on my arm, stopping me from slamming a can into the cupboard. “But maybe not with Tobias. There are other people around here you could meet and hang out with.” “Mrs. Frelich, with all due respect…” I stopped there, because I didn’t really have anything respectful to say. After a moment, I managed to come out with, “I’m a grown-up now. I can choose

sALAd on the side 51 my own friends.” She shook her head, though a small smile quirked the corners of her mouth. “You sound like my son always did. He found out he was wrong. Kyle, I have nothing but respect for Tobias, don’t get me wrong. All of us respect him, even if not everyone likes him. However, he can be a dangerous person and you might be better off not getting involved.” There it was again. Dangerous. Just like I’d thought when he’d told me about Harok. Something dangerous did lie inside Tobias, I knew that. I sensed it strongly, even though I didn’t usually put much stock in instincts and hunches. I didn’t think he’d be dangerous to me, though. “I appreciate your concern.” I managed to sound mostly sincere, I thought. “Are you really trying to protect me, though? Or are you trying to protect Tobias from me?” Maybe this had nothing at all to do with Tobias being dangerous. Maybe she didn’t like the idea of Tobias having a boyfriend. After all, she was friends with Melia, too. Maybe she thought Tobias should stick with a woman. Apparently my question wasn’t as subtle as I’d thought. “I don’t have a problem with you being gay, Kyle.” She paused. “I’m not so sure about it with Tobias, but that isn’t because of any prejudice. I’m just not sure it’s a good thing for him. Some people see homosexuality as weakness and Tobias can’t afford to be weak.” “He said something like that.” He’d implied it, anyway. Whatever it was about Tobias that made him seem dangerous, so intimidating, it meant he couldn’t appear vulnerable to anyone. Obviously I disagreed that being gay made someone weak, but I’d known others who thought that way. They pretty much pissed me off. “And you aren’t going to listen, are you?” She sighed. “All right. Let me try to explain this as best I can without giving away anything Tobias might not want you to know. His life isn’t entirely his own. There are people who depend on him and there are people who are out to get him. If anyone of the ones who are

52 Karenna Colcroft out to get him learned that he’s interested in someone—anyone, male or female—they might use that person against him.” Again, something Tobias had also said. I didn’t think Mrs. Frelich was really looking out for my best interests, though. She was trying to scare me away from Tobias. Unfortunately for her, I didn’t scare easily. “And if they learn that the person he’s interested in is another man, they’ll think he’s weak and they’ll try to destroy him.” I couldn’t keep a note of sarcasm out of my voice. “Mrs. Frelich, look, I don’t know why you’re saying all this unless you just plain don’t want anything to happen between me and Tobias. I’m sorry, but that isn’t your choice to make. Thanks for carrying in the grocery bag for me.” She stared at me for a second. To be honest, I’d kind of surprised myself. I’d never thrown anyone out of my home before. But I definitely didn’t intend to stand there and listen to her making excuses for whatever prejudice or dislike of me she had. “I’m not trying to insult you,” she said finally. “Kyle, you’re a good man. Under other circumstances, I’d say if you and Tobias care for each other, go for it. I’m not as closed-minded as you seem to think I am. I just want you to watch out for yourself.” “Tell me why, then.” “I can’t.” She didn’t even hesitate before refusing. “It’s Tobias’s place to tell you, not mine. If he hasn’t told you yet, maybe he doesn’t want you to know and maybe you’re better off.” Her face softened. “I’ve made you angry and I’m sorry about that. Frank and I consider you a friend and we’d hate to lose that friendship. I guess that’s a big part of why I’m warning you, because I’m afraid if you pursue things with Tobias, we will lose you.” From the way she said it, I knew she didn’t only mean they feared they’d lose my friendship. She honestly believed something might happen to me. Since I didn’t know exactly what she thought might happen I couldn’t give her a very convincing reassurance. “I don’t think you will,” I said. “Look, Tobias and I are going to talk more later. If he fills me in on whatever you don’t want to tell me and I think it puts me in any danger, I’ll just stay his friend, if that. Right now, I know I care about him and I know I

sALAd on the side 53 want to learn whatever he’s willing to tell me. Until he does tell me something, I don’t have any reason to be afraid.” “You have plenty of reason. You just don’t realize it.” She patted my arm. “All right. I’m going to drop the subject now. I hope Tobias tells you everything you need to know. If he’s honest with you, you’ll understand why I thought it necessary to talk to you like this. Take care, Kyle, and please don’t stay angry with me.” “I probably won’t.” I honestly couldn’t imagine being angry with her for more than a couple minutes. Already my irritation had begun to dissipate. “All right. I’ll talk to you later.” She nodded at the grocery bags. “Go ahead and finish putting those away. I’ll see myself out.” She walked away, and after a moment I heard the front door of the apartment close behind her. While I finished stashing my groceries, I mulled over the conversation. One minute, she’d said I should shut Tobias up if he tried to tell me the truth. Then she’d turned around and said she hoped he would tell me. Clearly she’d lied one of those times. I just didn’t know which one. She’d been frightened, though. I hadn’t completely picked up on it while we’d spoken, but now, replaying the discussion in my mind, I recognized her fear. For whatever reason, whether she worried that something might happen to me or to Tobias, she genuinely believed that us being together—or even being friends—would end badly. Something told me she wasn’t only worried about broken hearts. I put away the last of the groceries and turned on the TV. On a Saturday afternoon most channels showed mindless repeats of syndicated programs or network shows that refused to die. Some had movies of varying degrees of intelligence. Of course, the requisite number of sporting events were on, but I’d never been much of a sports fan. After surfing through the channels twice, I settled on a mind-

54 Karenna Colcroft numbing comedy movie that might have been older than I was. Tortilla chips had been part of my grocery order, so I grabbed the bag and munched while I watched the movie and let my mind go blank. That was how I passed the rest of the day: munching and watching TV. For a while, I varied the mindlessness by reading a fantasy novel I’d bought before I moved and hadn’t given myself a chance to look at yet. Tobias didn’t come back or call. No one else did, either. The sun set and the moon, still full or very close to it, rose. It occurred to me that I’d never explored the garden the way I’d planned. Even though I wouldn’t be able to see much in the darkness, a glance out the kitchen window showed that the moon illuminated enough of the garden for me to go out and take a look around. I slipped on my shoes and went out the kitchen door. The garden had been organized into neat sections of flowers, shrubs, low green plants, and a row of what might turn out to be corn, though I couldn’t tell for sure and I wondered why anyone would even try growing corn in the city. The flowers were the closest section to my building, right outside my door, and I took a few minutes to breathe in the mingled scents and touch the soft petals. My mother had tried to plant a garden once. Everything in it had been dead within two months. The fact that plants needed water was pretty much the sum total of my gardening knowledge so I didn’t really know what kinds of flowers I was looking at. Just that they were pretty and there were a lot of different colors. After I’d had my fill of looking at the flowers, I wandered over to what I assumed were fruits and vegetables, though mostly they were just green sprouts or leaves. It was probably too early for anything to really grow, though I knew strawberries had grown around here somewhere since they’d been present at the party. A few moments of crouching near the ground, squinting at the plants in the light that turned out not quite as bright as I’d thought it would be, revealed the berries, plump and red and ready to be picked. It was a group garden, meant for all the tenants in the

sALAd on the side 55 surrounding buildings, according to what the landlord had told me when I moved in. Even though I hadn’t really contributed to it in any way, surely no one would mind if I picked some strawberries. Especially since I intended to share them with Tobias. He’d probably done some of the planting and weeding here. I went back inside and retrieved a medium-sized mixing bowl. As I began to fill it with strawberries, I heard something moving behind me. Expecting to see one of the neighbors, maybe even Tobias, I turned and found myself face to face with a wolf. Definitely a wolf. No way I could mistake this animal for a husky or any other kind of dog. Even though the fur was reddish, which I didn’t think was a typical color for wolves, the size of the thing and the long snout looked more wolf-like than anything else. So did the sharp, bared teeth. My mind boggled. Wolves did not live in Boston. Point blank, end of story, full stop. I’d heard news stories about coyotes being spotted within the city limits and one of my coworkers had mentioned seeing raccoons the size of dogs. No wolves, despite what I’d seen out my window the other night. I didn’t think I was imagining this, though. The thing’s breath blew hot against my face and I realized it had come closer while I’d been wondering what the hell it was and how it could exist here. The gate was closed, the fence was too high for an animal to jump over, and this definitely wasn’t the pet of anyone who lived around the garden. The animal growled and I fell back onto my ass. “Nice, er, wolf,” I said, my voice squeaking out through my fear. “Want some strawberries?” It narrowed its eyes at me and I saw something familiar in those eyes. Trying to figure out what it was would only have distracted me, though, and I couldn’t afford any distractions. I scrambled backward on my feet, hands, and ass, only to feel the squelch of strawberries under me. I wouldn’t be able to move

56 Karenna Colcroft any further back without destroying part of the garden and I doubted my neighbors would take my alleged sighting of a wolf as an excuse. Wolves didn’t live in Boston. If I told myself that enough, maybe it would go away. Of course, it didn’t. It stood there, crouched as if ready to pounce, growling low in its throat. At me, because apparently I’d invaded its turf. “How many of these things did you plant?” I asked. Using humor with a wolf was a bad idea. Before I’d even finished speaking, it lunged. I tried to pull away, but I had nowhere to go. I threw my arm up to protect my face and throat. Its teeth punctured my skin. Something trickled along my arm and I really didn’t want to think about what it might be. I frantically shook my arm, but the wolf held on, looking into my eyes with something very close to hatred. Screams filled the garden and after a second I realized they came from me. No one answered my screams. It wasn’t that late at night. Surely my neighbors were awake. Were home. Maybe watching me being eaten by this thing. The animal growled around its mouthful and bit down harder. My screams grew louder as the pain became unbearable. As blackness finally, mercifully engulfed me, I thought I heard someone shout, “Melia, no!”

ChAPteR six No! Oh, God, anything but this! That was the first conscious thought I’d had since the wolf had bitten down and I didn’t know what it meant at first. Then I opened my eyes. Nothing looked right. Everything around me appeared flat and muted. I definitely wasn’t in the garden anymore, but until I saw things properly, I couldn’t tell where I was. Inside, somewhere. Not my apartment. I was lying on a floor; that much I could tell. When I tried to stand, my legs didn’t want to cooperate. Then I caught a glimpse of my foot. It was covered in fur. Shit. Wolf bite. Wolves didn’t live in Boston. Maybe werewolves did. Even though as far as I knew those didn’t exist. I tried to see my body. Fur, check. Pretty off-white color or at least I would have thought it was pretty if it didn’t cover me. Snout protruding out far enough to see, check. Four paws with claws sticking out from the end of each… finger? Toe? Didn’t know what to call them. Check, anyway. Shit. At least my head moved the way I wanted it to. I glanced around, trying to gain some sense of place. This time, I spotted two humans crouching nearby. One of them was Tobias. Even as a wolf, I recognized the regret and sadness in his expression. Tobias was there and that meant he knew what had happened to me. My brain refused to go any farther than that. The other human… After a second, I recognized her too. The hair color gave it away, perfectly matching the color of the fur on the wolf that bit me. Fucking Melia. She eyed me with a contemptuous smirk which vanished quickly when Tobias glanced at her over his shoulder. He turned back to me and Melia

58 Karenna Colcroft glared at me. “He should be dead.” “Fortunately for you, he isn’t,” Tobias snapped. “I thought you’d learned better control than this, Melia. Clearly I overestimated you.” Melia bowed her head. “I’ll do better. He could have died.” As a wolf, tone of voice wasn’t quite as obvious to me as it was when I was human. But something in the way Melia had spoken caught my attention. She meant what she’d said. I should have been dead, because that had been her intention. Maybe I was wrong, but the fury and contempt in her eyes confirmed the truth to me. I snarled and tried to stand, but I couldn’t quite figure out how to get those four legs under me. Tobias raised his hands and took a couple steps toward me. “Kyle, easy,” he said softly. “We aren’t going to hurt you.” “I didn’t mean for this to happen,” Melia said. “Tobias, I didn’t mean—” “Shut up, Melia,” Tobias ordered without taking his eyes off me. “You’re here to see the results of your poor control, not to make apologies. I don’t think Kyle will accept your apology easily.” I managed to move my head in something resembling a nod. Fuck if I’d ever forgive the bitch! It hadn’t been my fault I’d wandered into the path of a frigging werewolf. Like I’d even known there would be a wolf in the garden. It wasn’t the sort of thing people usually considered when going out to pick strawberries. “Oh, I’d better be careful; there might be a werewolf out there.” Right. Not outside horror movies. Hopefully they’d figure out soon how to change me back so I could get things ready for my dinner with Tobias the next night. I’d be sorely pissed if that had to be put on hold. The next night. Except I didn’t think it was “next” anymore. I had no clue how long I’d been unconscious. The sunlight streaming through the window beside me pretty clearly told me that it wasn’t night any longer.

sALAd on the side 59 I was pretty sure werewolves only shifted at night. I shouldn’t have still been in this form. I blinked at Tobias and he caught the question. “It’s your first shift, Kyle. You changed while you were out cold and it’s going to take your body and mind a little while to coordinate so you’ll go back to human. That’s how it works for all of us our first time.” All of us. Now I couldn’t prevent myself from understanding the truth. The truth Tobias and Mrs. Frelich had been so damned determined to keep from me. Tobias was one of the wolves. And he’d probably made sure none of the other neighbors would ever see anything he didn’t want them to. Tobias, the man I lusted after, was a fucking werewolf. I didn’t even know what to think about that. “You have to eat something, Kyle,” Tobias said. He crouched low to look me in the eye. “You’ve been unconscious for three days, since Melia attacked you. You don’t know how sorry I am about this. I wanted to protect you from it.” Even in my current form, my heart and a couple other things responded to his words. He did care about me. Maybe at our dinner he would have admitted all this to me. Though I certainly understood why he’d been reluctant. Without seeing it for myself, I probably wouldn’t have believed him. He might have told me the truth, though, and if I had believed him, if I hadn’t thrown him out, who knew where things might have ended up? I knew where I would have wanted them to end, whether Tobias was a werewolf or not. Melia had fucked that up good. I growled at her again. “Kyle, stop,” Tobias said. “She’s been punished, believe me. I don’t let my pack just randomly attack humans, especially a human I’d chosen to protect. Deal with her later. Right now, you’re weak. You have to eat something. Lots of something or your body isn’t going to be able to cope with any of this. I have food for you.” He whistled and Mr. and Mrs. Frelich entered the room, each carrying a platter. Neither seemed surprised by what was going

60 Karenna Colcroft on. Were all my neighbors werewolves? They set down the platters and uncovered them. I gagged. Raw meat was piled high on both platters, still coated with blood and I didn’t know what else. It smelled like I’d always imagined a slaughterhouse might. My stomach growled and despite myself I crept closer to the food. Wolves ate meat. I was a wolf. My body was a wolf, at least. My mind still belonged to me and I was vegan. I stepped back again. No way could I eat that. Just seeing it made me want to puke. Something rose in my throat and my stomach rolled. No matter how hungry I was, I would wait for something I could eat. I turned my head away, gagging and coughing. “Kyle, you need protein,” Tobias said. “You’ll die if you don’t eat.” He lightly ruffled the fur on my head. “I don’t want that to happen.” I shook my head. I didn’t want to die either, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to eat a stack of dead animals. I hadn’t eaten meat in ten years and I wasn’t about to change my habits now just because some dumb bimbo had turned me into a wolf. “Kyle, come on.” Mrs. Frelich knelt beside me, holding a piece of meat. “It’s good. Fresh kill.” To my horror, she nibbled on the meat, her face lighting up at the taste. God, that made me want to puke even more. I forced myself to my feet and staggered a couple steps backward, then collapsed again. At least I had some distance between myself and that abomination they called food. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t care if others ate meat. But I sure as hell wasn’t about to and I didn’t appreciate them trying to force it on me. Tobias sighed. “He won’t eat it.” “He needs it,” Mr. Frelich argued. “If he doesn’t eat it, we’ll lose him.” He glared at Melia, who cowered. “That would make her a murderer in my book.” “Mine, too,” Tobias agreed. “But we won’t lose him.” “If he won’t eat what we’ve brought him…” The other man

sALAd on the side 61 shivered. “I’ve seen a newly-changed wolf die of starvation. It isn’t pretty.” “He won’t die.” Tobias shook his head. “Kyle, you stubborn bastard, you’re lucky I know you so well.” He stood, facing the Frelichs. “He’s vegan and apparently he isn’t giving it up. That’s why I have those other platters ready. Bring him the soy and tofu to start with. If those go down for him all right, we’ll let him have the veggie burgers and quinoa. There’s more than enough out there to get him through this.” Mrs. Frelich snorted. “A vegan werewolf ? How the hell is that going to work?” “I don’t know,” Tobias admitted. “But we’re going to find out.” The Frelichs picked up the hideous meat and left the room again. Tobias sat beside me cross-legged. “I don’t know if you’ll be able to sustain yourself on a vegan diet,” he said quietly. “You never got around to telling me why you became vegan in the first place and I never had a chance to ask. I’m guessing it’s some deep-seated philosophical thing, which is fine, but if you don’t get enough protein in both human and wolf form, you will die.” He rubbed his face. This close, I could see his eyes were bloodshot and glistening with unshed tears. Stubble covered his chin and the space between his nose and lips. Three days, he’d said. I wondered whether he’d stayed with me the entire time. “I’ve been here with you for three days,” he said, answering the question I couldn’t ask. “They’ll tell you I’ve barely even slept. That’s a lie. I haven’t slept at all.” “You should,” Melia said in a small voice. “Alpha, if you don’t rest, you won’t be able to protect your pack.” Alpha? Oh, this just got better and better. I’d read enough to know that the Alpha was the leader of a wolf pack, whether real wolves or weres. So not only was Tobias a werewolf, he was the leader of the fuckers. Have I mentioned I don’t always make the best choices in men?

62 Karenna Colcroft “Melia.” Tobias’s low voice was filled with something that made even me cringe. “If you speak to me again, I will punish you. You are lowest in the pack and you know you have no chance against me in a fair fight. Do you want to test the truth of that statement?” “No, Alpha.” She spoke so quietly I barely heard her. “Then shut the fuck up.” Tobias rested his hand between my ears. “Kyle, now that you’re awake, you should be shifting back to human pretty soon. You have to eat first, though, so your body has enough fuel for the change. Whatever they bring back this time, eat, please? No meat should be involved, but even if there is, just eat it. Otherwise, you may not survive the shift.” Not surviving sounded like a bad idea. I nodded and butted my head against his hand. He smiled, thin and sad but still a smile. “Thank you,” he said. The Frelichs returned, again each carrying a platter. This time, what they set before me was more palatable. Mrs. Frelich’s platter contained a huge heap of legumes. “He needs meat,” Mrs. Frelich grumbled. “There’s protein in soy and these others,” Tobias replied. “I did my research. That’s why I have so many different things out there. Eggs and cheese would have been my first choices if he ate them. Since he doesn’t, we’ll do our best. We’ll give him supplements or something if we have to once he’s back to human, but right now, there isn’t much we can do.” Mr. Frelich lifted the cover off his platter, revealing more veggie burgers—without buns—than I could count. Though that might have just been because I couldn’t really count as a wolf. Most of my intelligence seemed to have vacated the premises and I had all I could do to comprehend what they said to me. My stomach growled loudly and shrank in on itself, alerting me to the fact that I hadn’t eaten in longer than I remembered. Without hesitation, I dove into the food, eating so fast I barely tasted anything. “Slow down,” Tobias said gently. “Your stomach won’t hold

sALAd on the side 63 it all if you eat too fast. I know you’re hungry, Kyle, but just slow down. I promise you, no one’s going to take it away until you’re finished.” I didn’t want to slow down. I wanted to fill the pit in my stomach that didn’t seem at all satisfied by what I’d put into it so far. However, the tiny remaining piece of human thought in my head knew he was right. Eating too fast would make me sick. So I took slower mouthfuls. Not much slower, but enough to prevent any nastiness. While I ate, the humans around me talked in low voices. I heard them, of course. My hearing seemed to have amped up to the extreme. I didn’t really pay attention, though. If they weren’t talking directly to me, I didn’t need to know what they said. Melia didn’t take part in the conversation. She remained crouched where she’d been when I came to, watching me intently. Fear filled her eyes now, though the contempt I’d seen earlier lingered there as well. I took a minute to realize she was afraid of me. Maybe because I might hurt her or maybe of what Tobias might do to her if I asked him to. At that point, though, I didn’t care. If I scared her, so much the better. She deserved it after what she’d done to me. I devoured the veggie burgers and the Frelichs brought in plates of soy chicken substitute, tofu, beans, lentils…everything that might have appeared on a list of protein sources for vegans. I devoured all of that too, surprised by how hungry I was. When the platters were cleaned off so well they shone, I stood more steadily. I felt stronger, but something still wasn’t quite right. Tobias was still deep in conversation with the Frelichs. I walked the couple steps over to him and nudged his hand with my snout. He smiled down at me. “Ready to shift back?” I didn’t know. I had no clue what shifting back entailed since I had no memory of shifting to this form in the first place. Not that I could have answered him anyway since speaking didn’t seem to work with this mouth. So I just blinked up at him. “Yeah, I think you’re ready.” He knelt beside me and caressed the top of my head between my ears. “This isn’t going to be fun,

64 Karenna Colcroft Kyle. It’s going to hurt you, and I hate like hell that it will, but there’s no other way. I’m right here, okay? I’ll be right beside you the whole time, I promise.” “Sentimental crap.” I didn’t bother to see which woman had spoken. I just growled. “Easy.” Tobias turned away from me. “If you don’t have anything helpful to say, leave. Except you, Melia. You’re going to stay here and watch the whole thing. You’ve never witnessed a first shift before and I want you to see what you’ve done.” “I’ve already seen,” she whined. “Tobias, I’ve told you how sorry I am. He caught me by surprise out there and I acted without thinking.” That was total bullshit. I hadn’t caught her by anything. I hadn’t even known she was out there until she’d walked up to me. Of course, I couldn’t tell Tobias that right at the moment, but I made a mental note to set the record straight as soon as I was able to speak again. If I wasn’t in too much pain. The warning Tobias had given me didn’t bode well for me getting through the shift without wanting to scream. He sat cross-legged beside me. A door slammed, which I assumed signaled the departure of the Frelichs. Good. I didn’t want anyone around me other than Tobias right then. It wouldn’t have hurt my feelings any if Melia had left too, but she stayed right where she was, crouched and now shivering. I had to wonder what Tobias had done to make her so frightened of him. “You’re going to return to your human form now, Kyle.” Tobias’s tone was low, almost hypnotic. “As time goes on, this will be automatic for you. This is your first time, though, so you’ll have to work at it. Your cells, your mind, your soul remember what your human form is. Tap into those memories and use them to remake yourself into that form.” Consciously, I couldn’t make any sense of his words. Something in my mind knew what he wanted me to do, though. An image formed of me as a human man and the moment the

sALAd on the side 65 image came into being, my body began to change. It hurt like hell. Muscles, bones, skin, all reshaped and reformed into what they’d been for nearly thirty years. The worst pain I’d ever felt in my life was absolutely nothing compared to this. If I’d had my normal vocal cords and mouth, I would have screamed. As it was, I could only howl and whimper. “I know.” Tobias kept his voice at a soothing level. It didn’t really calm me much, but I was grateful for his attempt. At least hearing him, I knew he was still with me. “I remember my first shift. You’ll make it, Kyle. I’m here.” Slowly, excruciatingly slowly, I changed. The fur vanished, replaced with my normal skin and the hair that covered it on some parts of my body. My forelegs shortened slightly into arms with human hands and fingers at the end. My feet returned to their human shape. I wailed; a sound somewhere between wolf howl and human scream. The pain had grown to a level I didn’t know if I could take. If I’d had the choice, I would have stopped the shift. Just remained in whatever hybrid form I had now, not knowing or caring what anyone else thought of me. Looking like a carnival freak would be better than this agony. Anything would be better. “It’s almost over,” Tobias assured me. “You’re almost back, Kyle. Hang in there.” “He’s never going to make it as a wolf if he freaks out this bad about shifting,” Melia said. “Melia.” Tobias stayed where he was, but turned away from me to face her. “I told you once. Shut the fuck up.” A deadly undertone lay in his voice and even though I didn’t fear much, I was scared as hell of him just then. “If you’d followed orders, he wouldn’t even have to go through this. You’re on my shit list right now and trust me; you don’t want to move yourself to the top of that list.” I whimpered, a sound which approached human, and he turned back to me. “Don’t worry,” he said, using the soothing tone of earlier. “I’m not mad at you and she isn’t going to be

66 Karenna Colcroft harmed. She just needs to remember her place.” That statement sounded just a bit odd to me, but right at the moment I had neither breath enough to speak nor the capability of forming human words. I was still caught between wolf and human and I really wanted to stay there. If I didn’t shift any further, it wouldn’t hurt anymore. “You can’t stop now.” Apparently Tobias had read my mind. “Kyle, I know how bad this is, believe me. Next time, it won’t hurt as much. First time always hurts the most, right?” He chuckled. “Yeah, we’ll save the double entendre for another time.” Despite the bad timing, his joke actually helped. I wanted to tell him what a warped, perverted sense of humor he had, but of course I couldn’t do that until I was human again. So I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and gritted my teeth against the pain, and finally, just when I thought I’d die before I made it, I finished shifting back. “You did it.” Tobias’s quiet voice filled with pride. “You’re okay, Kyle. You can look now.” I opened my eyes, but instead of checking to make sure I was in one piece, I focused on his face. “Jackass.” He laughed. “Yeah, well, bad timing is my specialty. Let me know when you can move, okay? I’ll help you up.” The floor beneath me was cold without the buffer of fur to protect me. It occurred to me that I was completely naked in front of Tobias and Melia. Not that I cared whether Tobias saw me this way. He already had. I didn’t want Melia seeing anything, though. Again Tobias seemed to know exactly what I was thinking. “Melia, you can go now. Let the others know he’s shifted back and then go to your apartment and stay there until I speak with you.” “You’ve kept me locked up in there for two days,” she protested. “Go to your apartment and stay there until I arrive.”

sALAd on the side 67 His tone didn’t change a bit that I detected. But something underlay his words, something that compelled me to follow his command even though it hadn’t been directed toward me. Apparently it had the same effect on Melia. “Yes, Alpha,” she said softly. Without another word, she left the room. I blinked. “Alpha?” Reddening slightly, Tobias nodded. “Yeah. I’m not just any old werewolf, I’m the Alpha of the Boston North pack. Not that we’re a huge pack or anything. Around the cities, we try to keep things small and we’re actually a subgroup of a larger pack based in downtown. There are only twelve of us.” He paused. “Thirteen now, thanks to Melia.” Great. So I hadn’t only fallen for someone who shouldn’t have existed outside a paranormal novel. I’d fallen for the leader of the people who shouldn’t have existed outside of novels. “You don’t look old enough to be in charge,” I said, just to be argumentative. He shrugged. “Age doesn’t really have anything to do with it. You’re either an Alpha or you’re not. I am. Have been since I was changed when I was only about fifteen.” His sadness when he said that made me ask, “Were you bitten like me?” “Yeah. First boyfriend, if you can call him that.” He smiled sheepishly. “I’ve always liked guys. When I was fourteen, I started admitting it. Met an older guy through one of my high school friends and he acted interested. He was a predator, though, in every sense of the word. He was about twenty-two and only went for people under sixteen.” “Not good.” “Nope. As soon as I recovered from my first shift, I killed him.” I stared at him, wide-eyed. He’d just confessed to murder— not that I necessarily blamed him for doing it, since at that point I would cheerfully have slaughtered Melia—and it didn’t even

68 Karenna Colcroft seem to faze him. He grinned. “Don’t look at me like that, Kyle. I’m not a coldblooded killer unless we’re talking wildlife. Around here, that’s rats and sometimes raccoons. Full moons, we spend a night on neutral ground between territories, hunting deer and other animals. That’s the closest thing to murder I ever do. No, I killed Larry, but I did it fair and square. Challenged him to a fight for hierarchy. I told the Alpha why and he backed me. He’d known Larry was going after kids, but hadn’t had proof until me.” “So you fought him for a place in the pack?” I sat up to take a better look at him. He still showed no emotion. “Yeah. I was bottom rung, as the newest member and the youngest. When I fought him, I killed him and that established me as a dominant. When the old Alpha of this pack had passed his prime, my Alpha encouraged me to fight for the position. I did, but without killing anyone. Not all hierarchy fights are to the death. I just kind of wanted to see Larry dead before he harmed anyone else.” “I guess that makes sense.” In a wolf sort of way, that was. Obviously a predator couldn’t be allowed to continue, especially if he was preying on kids or young teens. Still, it definitely made me think of Tobias differently. We’d agreed to give things a try together. I just didn’t know if I could have a relationship with someone who’d killed for a reason other than self-defense. “It’ll make more sense to you as you learn more about us.” He stood and extended his hand. “Ready to get up? I had Harriet bring over some of your clothes earlier, so once you’re steady enough, you can get dressed. And then we’ll talk about more food, because shifting back burned more calories than you took in.” “I ate enough food to fill up the entire neighborhood,” I argued. “And you burned it all off shifting back. We should have had more food in you before I made you shift, actually. The shift

sALAd on the side 69 might have hurt less that way.” “Now you tell me.” I grabbed his hand and almost pulled him off his feet trying to use him as leverage to get up. Of course, I wouldn’t necessarily have minded him falling since he would have landed on me. Right then, I wasn’t really in the mood for physical contact though. Everything still hurt. “It’s been a while since I’ve had to guide anyone through their first shift.” He pulled me up and put an arm around my waist to steady me. “Easy does it for a minute. Your body and brain have to readjust to each other. It’ll become easier each time you shift. The first time, though, everything gets a little confused for a while.” “I’m never doing this again,” I said firmly. “If you could stop it that would be great.” He let go of me and I discovered that my legs worked for the most part. “Unfortunately, I don’t think you can.” “Oh, I can.” I had to, because I damn sure wouldn’t go through that pain again. Not to mention the whole having to eat meat thing. Melia had really fucked things up for me, but I could still live a normal life. All I had to do was keep from turning furry. Sure. That would be easy.

ChAPteR seven Tobias handed me the shorts and T-shirt Mrs. Frelich had brought over. She’d forgotten underwear, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to cover myself, because suddenly being naked in front of Tobias was way more embarrassing than I would have expected. Once I was dressed, he led me into the kitchen where the Frelichs and a couple other people whose faces I recognized from Tobias’s party stood around. They weren’t talking or doing anything, just standing there. Waiting. Probably for me. “He made it,” Tobias announced rather unnecessarily since I was standing right there. Obviously I’d survived. The fact that I might not have hit me like a few tons of bricks. If Tobias hadn’t been there to guide me through the shift, I might not have made it through. “It’s the mark of a good Alpha to be able to bring a first-timer through a tough shift,” one of the men whose name I’d forgotten said. He held out his hand to me and I shook it. “Don’t know if you remember me. I’m Kirk.” “Right.” The “one of those McCoys” guy. “Good to see you.” He twisted his mouth into something that wasn’t quite a smile. “Probably would be better under different circumstances.” “That’s quite likely,” I agreed. “Eat.” Mrs. Frelich picked up a plate from behind her. It held bread, cheese, and a pile of nuts. “You really should have meat, but at least cheese and nuts have protein.” “I don’t eat cheese either,” I said as politely as I could manage. I was starting to get a wee bit ticked off with everyone telling me I needed to change my eating habits. “Vegans don’t eat or use any animal products.” “Except occasionally cream in Dunkin coffee.” Tobias shook his head. “Kyle, look, I get you have your beliefs and your reasons for them. Your body isn’t going to be able to cope with shifting

72 Karenna Colcroft without a huge amount of protein that you can get most easily from meat.” “I’m not going to shift again, so it really doesn’t matter.” My stomach growled and I grabbed a few almonds from the plate and popped them in my mouth. After everything I’d eaten in the other room I didn’t understand how I could still be hungry, but I felt like I hadn’t eaten in days. “He doesn’t really believe that, does he?” This guy was the one who’d tried to stop me from entering the party. I didn’t know if I’d ever even heard his name. “He’s a were now. No way to keep from shifting, especially at full moon.” “Full moon’s over for this month,” Tobias pointed out. “By next month maybe things will have changed.” “You’re not going to find a way to change him back.” Mrs. Frelich sounded angry. “Tobias, honestly, you’re being foolish about this. How is it going to look to the other packs if they hear you’re trying to save a new wolf ? Worse yet, if they find out why?” “And how would they do that, Harriet?” Tobias’s voice took on the tone he’d used to make Melia leave. I cringed slightly, even though he wasn’t talking to me. If being an Alpha meant he could be that scary, I might not be able to date him. That would suck. Mrs. Frelich stood her ground. “Word spreads, Tobias. You know that. I’m not trying to tell you what to do. That isn’t my place. I’m ambassador to the other packs, though, and you know some of the things I’ve heard when I’ve met with them. They have ways of finding out things no matter how well-hidden, and I think this is something we don’t want anyone finding out. So please, just don’t go there.” “I don’t want to be part of this conversation.” I picked up another almond. “Do I have to ask permission to leave or can I just walk out now?” “Please don’t leave yet.” Tobias sighed. “This is getting way too complicated right now. Okay, listen. Harriet, Frank; thank

sALAd on the side 73 you for staying and taking care of Kyle’s place. Kirk, Dougal; thanks for being on guard. You may go now. Kyle’s shifted back and we don’t need to worry about anyone getting to him while he’s overly vulnerable. Dougal, I’d like you to go check on Melia and make sure she’s following orders before you go home.” “That bitch is going to be the end of this pack if you don’t do something about her,” Dougal grumbled. “This is the second time she’s fucked up.” “We’ll discuss that later. Privately. Now go.” “Yes, Alpha.” Dougal’s sudden shift from jerk to submissive startled me. This time, even though I’d heard the undertone in Tobias’s order, it hadn’t affected me, and I was surprised someone like Dougal would be under the compulsion. Dougal and Kirk left, and after a nod from Tobias, so did Mr. Frelich. That left Tobias, me, and Mrs. Frelich in a stand-off in the kitchen. I didn’t want to talk or listen to either one of them and Mrs. Frelich obviously didn’t like the situation any more than I did. Only Tobias appeared unruffled, though I sensed he was more worried than he wanted to let on. “We need to talk about this, Alpha.” Although Mrs. Frelich still didn’t look happy, she spoke more formally and respectfully now. With everyone else gone, this had shifted from a concerned neighbor lecturing someone to a pack meeting of some kind. I really didn’t want to be in the middle of it. My stomach was still a little growly and I didn’t want to be around anyone anymore. I started toward the door, but Tobias stopped me with his hand on my arm. “Kyle, I know you don’t want to be anywhere near us right now, but we do need to talk.” “I don’t see where there’s anything to talk about,” I replied. “Melia bit me. I’m a werewolf now. All my neighbors are apparently also werewolves, which is something the landlord didn’t see fit to mention when I took the apartment. Doesn’t your pack have some rule or something against non-wolves renting around here?” “Not really.” Mrs. Frelich dumped the cheese I’d refused into

74 Karenna Colcroft the trash can beside her. “We didn’t really think anyone else would want to rent in one of these buildings. Your apartment became vacant rather—er, unexpectedly. We didn’t have time to send another pack member to talk to the landlord before he rented to you. The landlord isn’t one of us and doesn’t know about the pack. He isn’t around often enough for it to be a problem.” “So I just happened to wind up here and now I’m one of you.” I kicked the cupboard door below the counter. “This fucking sucks!” The reality had begun to hit. I wasn’t dreaming this and there wasn’t any way to change what had happened. I’d been bitten by a fucking wolf in my fucking garden, turning me into a creature that I’d always believed didn’t exist anywhere outside stories. That dog I’d seen a few nights earlier in the garden hadn’t really been a dog, either. I stared at Tobias. “You saw me watching you the other night.” “Yeah.” He ran his hand through his hair, which he’d left unbound. “You didn’t see me shift, though. That was all I cared about at that point. You didn’t know it was me until just now, did you?” “No, but…” He’d howled my name. He’d known I’d seen. “Why did you call out to me if you didn’t want me to know? And why the heck did you shift in the garden, anyway?” “You heard me?” His eyes widened. “I wasn’t calling to you. More… mourning, I guess you could call it. I didn’t want you to know about any of this. Like I told you the morning after my party, the moment I met you something about you called to me. I wanted something with you that had nothing to do with wolves or packs or any of this. I hoped that with you, I could be a normal human being for a change.” Mrs. Frelich snorted. “As if that would ever have worked. You are what you are, Tobias. You have been since you were fifteen. Sooner or later, he would have found out if you’d gone on with being a fool about him.” I bristled. “What’s foolish? I thought you said you didn’t have

sALAd on the side 75 a problem with the whole gay thing.” “I have a problem with my Alpha showing any weakness, and unfortunately, to many other wolves, homosexuality is a weakness. Hell, to some of the packs around here, loving anyone regardless of gender is weak.” “There are some who don’t even allow their members to show affection to their mates,” Tobias agreed. “We aren’t like that. Love is a strength, not a weakness.” “Love is an illusion,” I muttered. “For us right now, maybe.” He gave me a crooked grin. “I haven’t known you long enough to refute that cynicism yet. I like you, though. We missed our dinner.” The seeming non-sequitur told me more than he realized. Even though I hadn’t agreed to anything with him yet, he was still interested. Weakness or not. “I was picking strawberries,” I said. “When Melia did her thing.” “Yeah, she told me.” His voice hardened. “She knows better than to do things like that. Even though she claims it was an accident, I’m half inclined to think she did it on purpose. She knew I had a thing for you and it would be just like her to do something to keep us apart. We shift in the garden if we just want to run. We use the park and the shipyard for running during the full moon and during the rest of the month if we just want stress relief. Can’t really strip naked and shift in a public place, so we shift there.” He paused. “I don’t think Melia planned to run, though. I think she knew you were there.” “She tried to kill.” Mrs. Frelich touched my shoulder. I flinched. “It’s healed,” she said. “That’s why you were out so long. Did Melia try for your arm?” I tried to remember. “I don’t know. I put my arm up so she wouldn’t bite my face.” “Or your throat.” Her face hardened. “I don’t think this was an accident. I think the only reason Melia didn’t strike your

76 Karenna Colcroft throat was that your arm was in the way and then Kirk found her attacking you and stopped her. We were very concerned about whether you’d make it for a while there. Your shift helped, but then we couldn’t get you to wake. Our healer said to leave you until you woke on your own.” “Your healer?” I repeated. “Like a doctor?” Asking the question took my attention off the possibility that I might have died from this attack. “Sort of,” Tobias replied. “It’s Suzannah. She isn’t a medical doctor, but she understands a lot about healing and she has a real gift for it. We can’t go to doctors, of course. They’d find out about our shifting abilities and we’re really not up for being dissected and studied.” “Not to mention a whole lot of people think we’re figments of writers’ overworked imaginations,” Mrs. Frelich added. “Either doctors would think we were nuts or they’d report us and someone would think they were nuts.” “Possibly both.” Tobias reached for me and I stepped away. “Okay, you’re pissed at me, aren’t you?” “You could have told me.” I narrowed my eyes. Of course he wouldn’t have told me, and if he had I probably wouldn’t have believed him. That didn’t mean I’d let him off the guilt hook. “This is what you were hiding from me. This is why you tried to avoid me at first and why you didn’t want to tell me anything about yourself.” I paused as another realization hit. “This is why—” Mrs. Frelich might not know about Harok. Tobias had said he didn’t talk about the guy much. No matter how angry I was at him, I didn’t want to give away anything that caused him so much pain, especially not in front of someone who he was apparently in charge of. That wouldn’t be fair to either of them. He nodded. “Yes. That’s why to all of it.” He paused. “I don’t think this was an accident either, but we can’t prove it. Melia will be dealt with. That’s all I can promise right now.” “What do you mean, you can’t prove it?” I demanded. “You’re

sALAd on the side 77 the Alpha, right? Don’t they have to do what you say? You could make her confess.” If Melia had done this to me on purpose, I damn well wanted to know. And I wanted something done about it. “I’m the Alpha,” Tobias agreed. “My pack does have to do what I say. And I can force them to if I have to.” He sighed. “I don’t like forcing anyone to do anything, Kyle. The Alpha here before me, the one I challenged, ruled by fear and pain. He killed at least two of his pack members just because they didn’t obey him quickly enough. I have power over my pack, but I don’t like to use it as force. I don’t want to be like their old Alpha.” After that explanation, I couldn’t be as angry with him. I still wanted to know whether Melia had intended to hurt me or change me or whatever. I liked that Tobias wasn’t on a power trip, though. “If it comes to it, I’ll use compulsion on her,” Tobias said. “I hope she’ll be honest. She’ll have consequences regardless of what she claims happened.” He looked me in the eye. “You know why I hid from you. And that has something to do with my not wanting to compel Melia, too.” He knew what I hadn’t said and I had my answer. I didn’t know what Tobias being this pack’s Alpha had to do with Harok, or if he’d even been the Alpha yet when Harok had been part of his life. Maybe I didn’t want to know, given what Tobias had told me. “You have a lot of work ahead of you, Alpha,” Mrs. Frelich said. “He knows nothing about us or pack ways. Melia broke law by changing him the way she did and you’re going to have to address that more fully or her actions will come back on you, not only within the pack but from other packs as well. You know they’ll already be aware we have a new cub.” “I’m hardly a cub,” I snapped. “I’m almost thirty.” “And I’m a hundred seventy-five,” she replied mildly. “To me, even our Alpha is still a cub. However, we also use ‘cub’ to refer to the newly changed and that’s what I meant. You are very angry,

78 Karenna Colcroft Kyle.” “Um, duh.” I scanned what was left on the tray. There was nothing there I wanted to eat and my stomach was singing a furious little song about how badly it needed food. “Do you have any more veggie burgers or soy or did I eat them all? There might be some at home, if you ever let me leave.” “Some of the ones you ate earlier came from your freezer,” Mrs. Frelich replied. “You were unconscious three days, Kyle. We’ve been keeping an eye on your apartment and I called your employer this morning and told him you were very ill. He’ll expect a doctor’s note when you return, which Suzannah will give you. She isn’t really a doctor, but she plays one well enough when needed.” I didn’t give a shit about my job or my apartment, so I responded to the most important thing she’d just said. “So you’re telling me there’s nothing anywhere around here that I can eat other than maybe what’s in the garden.” “I’m telling you that you need to eat some goddamn meat, Kyle.” The swear word sounded so incongruous from her that for a moment I couldn’t even think of anything to say in response. Finally I said, “I am vegan. Werewolf now, maybe, but still vegan. I have my reasons and I don’t plan on changing my diet just because of some stupid accident.” I’d become vegan after one of my lovers died in a car accident. He’d been vegetarian and we’d usually bickered cheerfully about his eating habits versus my own. The day he’d died, before he left on what turned out to be his last trip, our usual banter had developed into an argument, and by the time he’d departed we hadn’t been speaking. After I heard the news, I threw away all the meat in my parents’ house, where I was living at the time. They pitched a fit, ranting about the price of meat and so on, even though they’d been sympathetic about my loss. They hadn’t seen the connection. I hadn’t eaten meat since. Maybe it had been a warped

sALAd on the side 79 reaction to losing him, but becoming vegan had been my way, in the thickest fog of grief, to honor his memory. Time had passed and I could think of him without too much pain now, but I still refused to eat meat. By this time, my body had become so used to a vegan diet I didn’t know whether I’d even be able to digest anything meat, dairy, or otherwise animal-related. I didn’t plan on saying any of that to Tobias and Mrs. Frelich, though. At this point, I didn’t want to tell them anything private about myself. I didn’t even want to talk to them. I just wanted to go home and find something to eat. “Send Frank to the store,” Tobias ordered. “If he isn’t sure what to buy, he should ask an employee. There’s a vegetarian food section there.” “More tofu. Maybe some edemame.” I didn’t want to talk, but if it meant I’d get something to fill the black hole in my stomach, I’d at least give them information. “If he gets any pre-packaged stuff, just tell him to make sure it says vegan on the package. Some vegetarian stuff still has dairy products or eggs in it and I don’t eat those either.” “You’re too picky.” Mrs. Frelich sniffed. “I’ll send him, Alpha. However, please don’t turn us all into gofers for your new toy. What’s he going to do next full moon when we go to the hunting grounds?” “Kyle is not my toy.” Tobias sounded even more deadly than he had when speaking to Melia. This time, even Mrs. Frelich shrank away from him. “Whatever feelings I have for Kyle and whatever relationship may develop between him and me because of them are no one’s business other than mine and his. You will not question me, Harriet. Nor will the others, and you may warn them of that if you wish. If any of them feel my interest in another man makes me weak enough to challenge, they have that right. They will regret the attempt. And Kyle will hunt with us if he chooses. He doesn’t have to eat what we take down. He can bring his own food. Hunting is instinct, not always hunger.” “Yes, Alpha,” Mrs. Frelich choked out. “May I go give your message to Frank?”

80 Karenna Colcroft “Yes.” Now his voice was perfectly bland, which didn’t stop Mrs. Frelich from practically running out of the room. “There won’t be any relationship,” I said before he could speak. “If you’d been honest with me, I’d still be pissed about your wolf bitch biting me, but at least I’d have known about you. Finding out that not only are you a werewolf, you’re the fucking Alpha? Yeah, that kind of puts a damper on things.” He sighed and looked down at the floor. “I’d imagine it would. I’m sorry, Kyle. First of all, you might not have believed me and I couldn’t stand the thought of you thinking I was crazy. Second, I wanted to protect you. As long as you didn’t know about me, it was less likely that any of my enemies might use you to get to me. Now that you know—now that you’re one of us—you’re in more danger than I can cope with.” “You’re a big, strong Alpha,” I muttered. “Surely you can cope with anything.” “I didn’t mean I wouldn’t be able to take care of whatever threat came up.” He caressed my shoulder. I stiffened, but didn’t pull away. For all I knew, if I didn’t let him touch me he’d see it as some kind of wolf offense. “I meant I care too much about you to be able to handle anything happening to you. I know what might be done to you if someone hates me enough and believe me, there are members of other packs that hate me that much. Maybe even in this pack. I’m not the Alpha because I’m universally beloved, you know.” No, he was the Alpha because he’d beaten the shit out of the previous Alpha. Even though the people who’d been around us had followed his orders without argument, obviously Melia had a problem with him and I suspected Dougal did as well. Mrs. Frelich debated with him, but I didn’t have the sense that she had any real problem with him. She just disagreed with some of what he’d done, including everything to do with me. Which didn’t surprise me. I didn’t really agree with Tobias’s feelings for and protection of me either. I didn’t need his protection. I just needed to go back to my normal life.

sALAd on the side 81 “You’re a werewolf,” he said gently. “This is your life now.” “Do you read my mind on purpose?” I demanded. “Is this some kind of Alpha skill?” “No.” He frowned. “Occasionally I have an idea of what one of my pack is thinking, but nothing like with you.” “Then knock it the hell off and stay out of my head.” I strode across the room to the door and managed to make it look like I wasn’t still completely exhausted and drained from my shifting. “I’m going home now.” “No, you aren’t.” His voice held the compulsion that had forced Melia and Mrs. Frelich to do as he said. Even though I felt it, this time I didn’t feel like I had to follow orders no matter what. If werewolves had to do what their Alphas said, maybe I would. Otherwise, I’d undermine his authority. But no way would I do what he said just because he said it. Knowing I had that much control made me feel a little better. I opened the door. He tackled me and knocked me to the floor. Before I even had a chance to fight him off, his mouth was on mine, his tongue penetrating my lips. He straddled me and my cock hardened instantly. The way he rested on my bulge, moving slightly as we kissed, had me near climax in seconds. And we hadn’t even touched each other anywhere other than our lips. He put his hands on my shoulders, more to balance himself than to pin me down since I didn’t have any sense of not being able to move. If I wanted to end the kiss, I’d be able to throw him off me pretty easily, I thought. The problem was; I didn’t want to end it. My hands moved as though on their own to cup his ass. He moaned into my mouth and I responded by licking his upper lip. I was furious with the guy. So angry I was practically shaking, though maybe that was from hunger. He’d lied to me, endangered me in the name of keeping me safe, and now, thanks to him and

82 Karenna Colcroft to Melia, I was a fucking wolf. I hated him. And I wanted him so badly I ached. He broke the kiss. “Not here. I won’t fuck you on the floor like an animal.” “We are animals, aren’t we?” I reached between us and ran my finger along his cock, which felt just as hard as my own. He rolled off me and sat cross-legged beside me. “Sit up. I mean it, Kyle. I won’t debase either of us by doing this.” “Gosh, I thought the Alpha gets to fuck whoever, wherever he wants.” He raised his hand to slap me and I braced myself. If he actually hit me, I was damn well going to fight back. But he lowered his hand, staring at it wide-eyed. “Don’t make me that angry, Kyle, please. Not now. I won’t ever hurt you, but right now my control over my temper is a bit shaky. I’m too scared of what might happen to you to think clearly.” “So what pissed you off ?” I sat up, figuring that enough time had passed for it to be my choice rather than his. “I’m an Alpha, not a monster.” He snorted. “Okay, technically maybe I am a monster. But I’m not like what you’ve obviously read in novels. I don’t force any of my pack to do anything against their will, unless it’s for the good of the pack as a whole or because of some danger. Sex doesn’t fit either of those categories. Have I fucked pack members? Yes. You already know that. I told you about Melia. But it wasn’t to assert my dominance or any of that bullshit. And I would never, ever do anything to anyone who wasn’t willing.” “I’m willing, though.” I gestured at my painfully hard cock. “In case you couldn’t tell when you were sitting on this.” “You’re angry with me, and while I have nothing against grudge sex, I refuse to take you in the middle of my kitchen floor knowing one of my pack might walk in at any moment. I have too much respect for you for that.” He rested his hand on my

sALAd on the side 83 thigh. “Nothing’s changed in how I feel about you, Kyle. I still care about you, I still want to date you, and hell yes, I still want you. But not like this.” I grabbed his wrist and rolled him over, winding up on top of him. Now it was my turn to sit on his dick and I ground myself against his hardness so he’d make no mistake about what I was trying to do. He might think he was the dominant one here, but that didn’t stop me from taking control. “Kyle, stop!” he ordered, gasping between the words. Again his compulsion held no weight for me. I pinned his arms to the floor. “No.” “Damn it!” He thrashed beneath me, which only made him rub against my cock in a very appealing way. “Kyle, you don’t know what you’re doing. I am the Alpha of this pack. You shouldn’t be able to disobey me right now. I don’t know why you can and right now, I don’t care. Even if you don’t have to do what I say, do it anyway. Get off me. What if someone sees?” I knew exactly what I was doing. He wanted to fuck me, I wanted to fuck him, so I was just refusing to let him out of it. My libido had ramped up to the extreme somewhere along the line, whether because of my change or just because of Tobias’s presence, and I wouldn’t deny my body the sex it craved. I didn’t care if anyone saw. Even though exhibitionism wasn’t really my thing, I’d been watched with a partner before. It didn’t bother me. If anyone walked in, they’d be welcome to watch me driving my cock into Tobias’s tight ass. If anyone walked in. Tobias’s meaning finally got through. If anyone walked in, they’d see me on top of their Alpha. Dominating him, at least to an extent. Alphas, by definition, had to be the most dominant wolf in the pack. If anyone saw us, they’d think I was more dominant than Tobias. He already had people out to get him. This would give them more reason to challenge. “I am going to fuck your brains out,” I growled. “First chance I have. Make sure you buy some fucking lube, because I’m not

84 Karenna Colcroft going to take it easy with you.” His eyes widened and I remembered he’d never fucked a man before. We hadn’t talked about who’d be inserting tab C into whose slot A. He probably thought he’d be on top because he was the Alpha. We’d see about that. But not now. No matter how furious I was, no matter how badly I wanted to hold him down and fuck him hard, the rational part of my brain reminded me that he had to keep control of his pack. And to help him with that, I had to do what he said. At least pretend he had control of me. I rolled off him and stomped over to the counter. “Where the hell’s my food?”

ChAPteR eight After an interminable amount of time during which I seriously considered eating the paper plates I found in one of Tobias’s cupboards, the Frelichs returned laden with half a dozen different boxes containing vegan frozen dinners, veggie burgers, soy “chicken”, and even some soy milk and soy cheese, along with a large supply of fresh vegetables. “No bread,” Mr. Frelich said apologetically as he set his armload down on the counter in front of me. “Bread has eggs and dairy and stuff, I think.” “They make vegan bread, but this is fine.” I tore open one of the frozen dinners and plunked it into Tobias’s microwave. I was hungry enough to eat the damn thing uncooked, but I didn’t think it would set a very good impression. While I microwaved, ate, and repeated the cycle, Tobias and the Frelichs talked in low voices about what to do with me and why Tobias should keep his distance. Mrs. Frelich even suggested sending me to another pack. Tobias answered with a loud growl that could have come from a wolf ’s throat. Whatever happened to me, Tobias didn’t intend to let me out of his sight. I wasn’t quite sure whether I liked his protectiveness or whether it pissed me off. When I’d finally eaten my fill, and had littered Tobias’s kitchen floor and counter with the packaging the food had come in, I staggered into his living room and flopped face-first onto the couch. He and the Frelichs followed, asking me questions that I waved off. I didn’t want to talk. Didn’t want to listen. My belly was full, my body had mostly recovered from the shift, and now I just wanted to sleep. So I did. A few hours later, gasping, I startled awake. Someone was in the room with me. Breathing barely audibly, but apparently being a shifter had increased my hearing. For a moment, I couldn’t remember where I was. The fabric against my cheek wasn’t my

86 Karenna Colcroft pillowcase and my bed didn’t have a back to it. Someone’s couch. Tobias’s. I was still in Tobias’s living room and someone was in the room with me. Someone not Tobias. I hoped the person would think I was still sleeping. I tried to exhale slowly and breathe evenly. Footsteps quietly moved across the room toward me. I opened my eyes to tiny slits, hopefully not noticeable by the other person but enough to enable me to see. No lights were on in the room, so apparently Tobias had shut them off before going to bed. Dim light filtered in through the window. In the city, it was never totally dark. The light outlined a slight female figure. One I recognized, though the last time I’d seen her she’d been crouched in a corner. Melia walked over to the couch and kicked it. “If you were awake, I’d fight you fair,” she snarled. “So wake the fuck up.” I mumbled something incomprehensible, continuing the illusion of sleep. I doubted she believed it, but as long as I wasn’t visibly awake, she might give up and leave me alone. My strength had been proven by the way I’d pinned Tobias earlier. That didn’t mean I wanted to fight a female werewolf who’d probably had a lot more practice in fighting than I’d had and who clearly had one hell of a grudge against me. This time, instead of kicking the couch, she kicked me in the side. “I said wake up!” Despite her fury, she kept her voice down. She didn’t want to wake Tobias. No surprise there since she’d already gotten in enough trouble with him. If he found her here threatening me, he wouldn’t be at all impressed. For all I knew, it would mean some pretty serious punishment for her. I hated the woman, but I didn’t want to see her hurt because of her own stupidity. Bad enough she’d changed me. Fighting me would pretty much end things for her, regardless of who won. She grabbed my shirt and yanked me off the couch. Before I could react, her fists and feet flew, slamming into me with the

sALAd on the side 87 force of bricks. “Wake up!” This time she didn’t bother trying to stay quiet. “Fight me, goddamn you!” Her rank in the pack was higher than mine by sole virtue of her having been a wolf longer. I had no clue how I knew that, but I figured if my human brain still functioned when I was a wolf, maybe the wolf could pop ideas into my head when I was human. Or maybe it was just some weird kind of magic like the Alpha stuff Tobias had pulled. However I knew it, I didn’t question the truth of it. If I fought her, I would win. She’d be lowest in the pack again and that wouldn’t bode well for her given everything she’d done. Just by being here, she’d deliberately disobeyed the Alpha. He wouldn’t forgive her for that. While I thought all that through, of course, she was still trying to beat the shit out of me. I put my hands up to protect my face, but made no other movement. I didn’t want to fight her. For one thing, she was female even if she was a wolf. For another, I just plain didn’t feel like it. My limbs were heavy and my entire body ached. Apparently I hadn’t recovered as fully as I’d thought from shifting. “What are you, afraid of a girl?” she taunted. Her foot connected with my hand and I whacked myself in the eye. “Fight!” “Stop this now!” a voice thundered from somewhere else in the room. The lights came on and I saw the complete insanity in Melia’s eyes. Whatever Tobias and his pack had done to punish her for changing me, it had taken away any rationality in her. The thoughts of what they might have done made me want to vomit and I rolled away from her as Tobias grabbed her around the waist. “Let me go!” She struggled against him, complete insanity in her eyes. She’d have to be crazy to ignore her Alpha’s orders, I thought. “I challenged him! Make him fight me!” “No.” Tobias lifted her from the floor and flung her onto the couch. I ducked just in time to avoid her foot. “Melia, if you

88 Karenna Colcroft don’t stop, you know what will happen. Remember Eyren.” Melia immediately stilled. “You wouldn’t do that to me.” “You’re fighting someone who has refused to fight back. You’ve disobeyed my order to stay in your apartment until I came to speak with you and you’ve invaded my home. You’ve disobeyed the directive that a challenge can only be issued by a weaker wolf to fight for dominance. You damn well better believe I would do it.” He extended his hand to me. I looked up to discover that he hadn’t turned away from Melia. His eyes pinned her to the couch more effectively than all my strength might have done. “Get up, Kyle.” I took his hand and used it as leverage to pull myself off the floor. In addition to the remaining aches and pains from shifting, I now felt the sting of who knew how many bruises and other minor injuries inflicted by Melia. Hands on my hips, I stared down at her flushed face and wide eyes. “I won’t ever fight you,” I said coldly. “I have no need to. You’ve proven here who is stronger.” The words didn’t even sound like they came from me, but I felt their rightness. By refusing to engage with her, by protecting myself against her unwarranted attack, I’d shown myself dominant over her. Weird way to do it and I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about it. Or if the pack would recognize it. Tobias shot me a proud glance over his shoulder and then immediately turned back to Melia. “Kyle’s right. You didn’t challenge him. You assaulted him without provocation or warning and he refused to be dragged into your grudge match.” “Kyle has risen above you in pack hierarchy.” Mrs. Frelich strode into the room. “By rights, he has say over your consequences for this attack.” “I don’t want to decide her consequences,” I protested. “Look, I don’t know enough about being a wolf yet to understand how you guys do things. All I know is Melia’s fucked up pretty badly

sALAd on the side 89 the past few days. Biting me, arguing with the Alpha, and now this. I’m guessing those things are all no-nos with you guys. Do what you have to do, but don’t hurt her and say it’s because of me. I won’t be the cause of anyone being harmed.” I shook Tobias’s shoulder to make him face me. “Do you hear me? If you hurt her and say it’s because of me, we’re done.” Mrs. Frelich stared at me, mouth open. “You cannot speak to the Alpha that way. Take your hands off him!” “Harriet’s right, Kyle. I’m dominant here. Mind what you say.” Tobias’s words held no command. He was reminding me that in front of the others, I had to appear submissive to him. Rising above Melia in the pack still left me near the bottom and a wolf that low down would never dare argue with the Alpha. Again, thoughts which made no sense to my human brain, but which something inside me recognized as completely correct. I looked at the floor. “I’m sorry, Alpha.” I hated the taste of the words in my mouth, but if it meant Tobias kept his place, I’d say them. He inclined his head. “Harriet, take Kyle to his apartment, please. I’ll deal with Melia.” “Yes, Alpha.” Mrs. Frelich took my arm. I started to pull away from her, but reconsidered. Tobias expected his orders to be followed and that meant I had to go. I allowed her to escort me out of the apartment through the garden door. “We left the door from your place to the garden unlocked,” she explained as we walked. “We felt it might be better to take you through there than out on the street. Reactions from new changes can be unpredictable at times and this way we have you under control.” I didn’t want to be under anyone’s control except my own. If being a stinking werewolf meant someone else had to take over for me and make sure I didn’t do anything horrible like eating a defenseless neighbor or something, then I definitely didn’t want to be one. Not that I had a choice, apparently.

90 Karenna Colcroft A low growl came from behind us and I started to turn around. Mrs. Frelich tightened her grip on me. “Don’t. Tobias knows what he’s doing. He won’t hurt Melia if he can help it, but she’s gone much too far. Everyone in the pack knew to leave you alone and she chose to ignore that. Whatever happens to her now is her own fault.” I kicked a piece of dirt and didn’t bother answering. No matter what Melia had done, she didn’t deserve to be punished like a naughty puppy dog. Clearly I had a lot to learn about pack dynamics, because it seemed just plain wrong to me that Tobias could do whatever he wanted to his pack members and they had to just accept it. Alphas ruled packs. I knew that much from the occasional fantasy novel I’d read. But ruling didn’t mean treating the other pack members like children. At least, I didn’t think it should. We walked into my apartment and Mrs. Frelich closed and locked the door behind us. “We’ll have to stay here until the Alpha says otherwise,” she said. “For your safety and so he can do what needs doing without worrying about upsetting you. You’ve gotten right under his skin, Kyle. I’ve known Tobias since he was changed and I’ve never seen him like this about anyone. And believe me, plenty have tried to be chosen as his mate.” “Like Melia?” I flopped down onto my couch and put my feet up on the arm. I’d never been allowed to sit like that as a child, so of course as soon as I’d owned my own couch it had become my favorite position. “He told me he had something with her at one point.” “He’s told you more than he tells most people.” She didn’t sound as if she exactly approved of it. “Yes, like her. Like women twice his age when he was still a teenager. Dominance shows itself as soon as someone’s changed, if not before, and everyone who’s ever met Tobias knew he’d be an Alpha someday. His first pack Alpha was afraid Tobias would challenge him, because he knew Tobias would win.” “Which is why he encouraged Tobias to challenge for this pack.”

sALAd on the side 91 “Yes, and why even though officially we’re part of the City Pack, their Alpha allows us autonomy under Tobias.” I frowned. “How does that work? I wouldn’t think two Alphas would be able to work together.” “When I was changed, only this pack existed,” she replied. “Then a larger pack moved in. The City Pack. They tried to take us over and we weren’t strong enough to prevent it. Their Alpha, Chal, was a reasonable man and he and our pack’s original Alpha negotiated a truce. Chal would allow our pack to exist under our Alpha, but would for all intents and purposes have control over us. He’s never exercised that control. It was for show, so that the neighboring packs wouldn’t try to move in.” She perched on the arm of the couch. “Not long afterward, one of our pack challenged our Alpha and won. For decades, he was a decent Alpha, though a bit rougher than appropriate. Then something took him over. Dementia, maybe, or maybe his mind just snapped. He went behind the pack’s back and tried to turn us all over to the City Pack. He killed his Beta when the Beta learned of the plan and that’s why someone was sought to challenge him. When Tobias won his challenge, he went to Chal and renegotiated for Boston North’s continued autonomy. Chal recognized Tobias as dominant to him and immediately agreed. Tobias is happy being in charge of a smaller pack and he would rather be happy than take over City Pack.” I put my forearm over my eyes. Her explanation made sense, though it ran counter to a few urban fantasy novels I’d read about werewolves. In those books, dominance and territory were everything. Two Alphas would have fought to the death, not agreed to get along and share space. I respected Tobias—and Chal—for agreeing to coexist. “As fascinating as this is, I’m still tired. Having a psycho bitch kick the crap out of me kind of did me in.” “You surprised me.” Apparently Mrs. Frelich had no intention of ending the conversation. “Any of the others would have fought back, even though it wasn’t a fair fight. You followed the rules and you don’t even know them yet.”

92 Karenna Colcroft “Yeah. Great.” I gave an exaggerated yawn. “Now that I’m back in my own apartment, maybe I should go to my own bed and sleep. Or do you think Melia’s going to break in here, too?” “After what she’s just done, she’ll be lucky if she’s able to leave her apartment under her own power.” I stared at her. She’d said only moments before that Tobias wouldn’t hurt Melia. Of course I was still furious with the woman for what she’d done to me and probably shouldn’t have cared what happened to her. I couldn’t help it. I was a softie at heart. “There are ways for Tobias to control pack members,” Mrs. Frelich explained quickly. “Ways beyond the commands you’ve heard him give. When he speaks that way, we can’t disobey him. I mean, we’re physically incapable of it. Sometimes, though, the compulsion doesn’t hold. He has other powers he can use in that case. As I said, if he can avoid hurting Melia, he will. I think he cares for her, as he does for everyone in the pack, and he knows she has reasons for not being totally stable. Plus he has a soft spot for you and you asked him not to hurt her. He’ll use his powers to keep her in her home until he decides how to address this.” As long as he didn’t injure her somehow, I didn’t really care. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, either. I stood and stretched. “Bed.” “Go ahead.” She smiled thinly. “I’m sorry about all this, Kyle. Suzannah argued for telling you the truth as soon as you moved in and Tobias overruled her. I think he regrets that now. If you’d known, you might have protected yourself better and not been out on a full moon night.” “I still would have wanted strawberries for Tobias.” Making that my last word on the matter, I stomped into my bedroom and slammed the door.

QQQ The next time I opened my eyes, bright sunlight streamed through the window. My alarm clock informed me it was after nine a.m. I didn’t know on which day, though, since Mrs. Frelich

sALAd on the side 93 had mentioned calling my employer I assumed it was a weekday. I needed to find a calendar. Or a newspaper. Something that would give me a sense of how much time had passed since I’d been bitten. Tobias had said it had been a few days, but my brain had fogged over to the point that didn’t mean anything to me. I trudged out of the bedroom wearing the boxers in which I’d fallen asleep and immediately ran back in. My living room was populated with more people than it should have been and most of them were people I’d prefer to face fully clothed. Someone knocked on the door as I rummaged around in my bureau for something resembling work clothes. Regardless of the time, I’d have to go to the office at some point today so I could let my boss know I hadn’t fallen off the face of the earth. “Wait,” I called. “It’s me.” Tobias’s voice was unmistakable even through the door. Although I wasn’t sure I wanted to see him, I had no reason to keep him out. And I had the feeling this was another case where if I didn’t do what he said, his alphahood would be questioned. More than a feeling, really. It was like before, information that popped into my head from my wolf side or something. I didn’t think I should question it. “Come in.” He opened the door slowly and walked in. His eyes were rimmed with black and his face was pale and stubbly. He closed the door and leaned against it. “The entire pack is out here.” “Except Melia.” I kept searching for something to wear. I didn’t usually have this much trouble choosing clothing, but today, everything just plain looked wrong. “What did you do to her?” “What makes you think I did anything?” he asked defensively. “You asked me not to.” “You’re the Alpha. You’re hardly going to take requests from the lowest wolf in your pack.” I snatched a wrinkled button-down shirt out of one drawer and yanked it on. Against my skin, the cotton felt weird, but I had to wear something. “Second lowest,

94 Karenna Colcroft rather, since apparently by not fighting Melia last night I won.” “You did. Anyone else would have gone at her. It wasn’t a fair challenge and wouldn’t have been a fair fight. You kept control of yourself and that proved you dominant over her.” He rubbed his face. “Shit. I need to shave.” “If you shave as a human, does that make your wolf bald?” Pants. I needed pants, even though I didn’t want them. The boxers were constricting enough. “What the fuck is wrong with me?” “Wolves don’t wear clothes,” he pointed out. “You’re still finding the balance between human and wolf. Right now, your wolf is trying to be in charge. That’s going to make you physically awkward for a while and you might have mental and emotional things leaking through from your wolf side. And no, shaving my human face doesn’t do anything to my wolf ’s fur. Only you would think of that.” I shrugged and dragged my most comfortable pair of work slacks out of the bottom drawer of my bureau. “What do you want, Tobias? And why is the entire pack—except Melia—in my living room?” “Pack meeting to assert your place.” He sighed. “I didn’t sleep after you left. I took Melia back to her place and laid a geas on her so she won’t be able to leave again unless she’s with me or Harriet or someone I send to get her. They’ll have to use a code word to bring her out and right now I’m the only one who knows that word. She’s a danger to herself as much as anyone.” “Which has what to do with me?” I stepped into the pants, pulled them up, and fastened them. They itched and felt far too tight, even though they weren’t. Tobias knew what he was talking about when he said my wolf didn’t like clothes. My wolf. That phrase had driven me batty when I’d read it in novels. Like there were two separate beings, the human and the wolf, and one owned the other. Now I kind of understood why it was phrased that way. I didn’t like it, and it still drove me batty, but I understood.

sALAd on the side 95 “I have to go to work,” I said. “I’m going to get fired otherwise. What day is it?” “Wednesday. Harriet’s already talked to your boss.” He walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. “You have to meet with the pack, Kyle. This isn’t optional. I don’t know what it is that makes you able to ignore the compulsions I lay out, but don’t ignore this one.” “I haven’t been ignoring most of them,” I reminded him. “I don’t have to do what you say because of any power or whatever, but for you to keep dominance over the pack, I do have to. Right now, I’m still pissed at you and everyone else out there, but it doesn’t mean I’ll screw you over by letting on that you don’t have total control of me.” He inclined his head. “Thank you. I appreciate that. It doesn’t matter to me if you follow my commands because the power coerces you to or if you just do it because you choose to obey your Alpha.” He frowned. “I don’t know why the power doesn’t work on you. You must be more dominant than we think. But unless and until you reach a point where you’re ready to challenge me for dominance, I am the Alpha here. If I issue commands, I don’t care if the compulsion works on you or not. As long as you follow them. And yes, I realize that makes me sound like a complete dink. It is what it is.” “Yeah.” I jiggled a bit, decided I’d be able to tolerate the clothes, and grabbed Tobias. I didn’t know why his power didn’t work on me either. Eventually maybe I’d figure it out, but right then wasn’t the time to think too hard about yet another bit of werewolf weirdness. I would never challenge him for dominance even if I ended up rising in pack rank, so that meant power or not, I would do what he said. “We’re going to have a long talk later, by the way. Just you and me. We have some things I want to hash out and you’re not going to avoid it forever.” “I’m not going to try.” He kissed me. A brief, soft touch of his lips sent bolts of electricity straight to my cock. “Come on. They’re waiting.” He held my hand for the few steps we took toward the door

96 Karenna Colcroft then let go so we could go into the other room and face the pack. That pissed me off a bit too. Whatever might exist between us, he didn’t want the pack to know about it yet. Because to some ignorant assholes, being gay equaled being weak, and the Alpha couldn’t show weakness. Yeah, I definitely didn’t want to be a werewolf. One prejudiced dickwad would say the wrong thing to me and I’d rip out his throat. Maybe Tobias felt like he had to pretend, but I had no reason to hide who I was. Every head in my living room turned toward us as we left the bedroom. It occurred to me I was still barefoot, a fact emphasized by the dirt that coated my carpet and prickled the bottoms of my feet. The Frelichs might have kept an eye on my apartment while I’d been unconscious, but they hadn’t kept up with the housework. Now wasn’t the time to be embarrassed about the state of my home, though. Not with almost a dozen pairs of eyes focused on me, only one of which looked even remotely happy. Suzannah stood and, after a questioning glance at Tobias, walked over and hugged me. “How are you feeling?” “Hmm. I woke up yesterday all furry and I was physically assaulted in the middle of the night,” I said sarcastically. “Gee, I’m feeling great.” Her face fell and a pang of guilt immediately struck me. She’d had nothing to do with my being bitten or Melia’s insanity or any of it. Her only fault had been not telling me the truth about herself and the others and I really couldn’t blame her for that. “I’m sorry, Suz,” I murmured. “I guess I’m not doing too well right now.” “Yeah.” She patted my back and let go of me. “You’ll get used to it.” “He may not have to.” Tobias motioned for me to sit in the stuffed chair that everyone had left vacant, even though doing so meant some of them had to stand or sit on the floor. Apparently I was guest of honor, which was only fair since it was

sALAd on the side 97 my apartment. I’d enjoyed being guest of honor at Tobias’s party a lot more than I liked this, though. I sat and crossed one leg over the other. Not the most comfortable position, but I didn’t think comfort mattered as much right then as looking confident and in charge. Even though I was neither. Tobias stood in the middle of the room, scanning the group. Each person looked away when he looked at them. I did the same, even though his gaze didn’t bother me. “Melia has committed an offense against our pack,” he said, the power in him filling the words. “We had agreed no humans would be attacked, especially one living in our midst. Further, I had specifically stated that no harm was to come to Kyle Slidell. Those things were not merely the edict of the Alpha, they had become pack law.” Dougal, who sat nearest me on the arm of the couch, opened his mouth. Tobias turned to him and Dougal’s face went white. That didn’t stop him from speaking, though I suspected he would have sounded considerably angrier if Tobias hadn’t done something. “Alpha, with all due respect, protection of an individual human is not typically covered under pack law,” the man said. “Melia violated our pack’s agreement not to attack humans. However, I disagree that Kyle Slidell specifically was protected under the law of our pack. You told us to protect him, but that doesn’t mean it was law.” “Dougal, who makes pack law?” Tobias asked. Dougal stared at the floor. “You do, Alpha.” “And did I not state when Kyle moved into this apartment that under pack law, he was not to be harmed?” Tobias’s tone didn’t change a bit, but his anger vibrated through the room. “You did, Alpha.” “Therefore, whether you agree or not is irrelevant. Melia

98 Karenna Colcroft violated pack law.” Tobias looked at each of the other pack members in turn. Only Suzannah and Mrs. Frelich managed not to flinch. “She is confined to her home until a decision is reached about fair punishment. Not only did she attack Kyle in the garden and change him, she broke into my apartment last night and assaulted him.” “She challenged him to a fight, didn’t she?” the woman who’d stood with Melia at Tobias’s party asked. “A fair challenge doesn’t usually involve kicking the challenged until he wakes up and pummeling him when he refuses to engage,” Mrs. Frelich said. “I was there. It was not a challenge. It was an attack.” “And because of Melia’s actions and Kyle’s control of the situation, he has risen above her in the pack,” Tobias added. “Had he fought her, it wouldn’t have counted for hierarchy, because the challenge was not issued fairly. Because he retained control of himself and recognized Melia had lost control, he has proven dominant over her.” A couple people muttered, but shut up when Tobias looked at them. Mutiny apparently didn’t occur in packs, or at least if it did, it wasn’t directly in front of the Alpha. If any of them had a problem with the decisions Tobias had made, they’d have to challenge him for dominance. I had the very strong sense that none of them wanted to risk themselves. Honestly, I didn’t know whether any of them would be able to take Tobias in a fair fight. And I really didn’t want to find out.

ChAPteR nine “Kyle Slidell is now a member of our pack.” Mrs. Frelich stood and her voice rang through the room. I didn’t know what her position in the pack was, but it seemed she was pretty close to Tobias, at least bureaucratically. “He holds position higher than Melia and is authorized to challenge the next in the hierarchy for dominance. Be warned, none may challenge him. The challenge must come from the lesser member. Only Melia is lesser and she is not authorized to challenge any at this time.” “I don’t think I’ll be issuing any challenges anyway,” I said quietly. Everyone turned to me and Tobias raised one eyebrow in a gesture of surprise and warning. “I’m still figuring all this out,” I explained. “I just learned yesterday what Melia’s done to me. Right now, I don’t know enough about being a wolf to try to challenge any of you.” My explanation seemed to satisfy everyone. Tobias nodded his approval and continued his lecture. “Melia is confined to her home. Pack will choose her punishment. The opportunity was offered to Kyle as the injured party and he stated he does not want to be the cause of any harm to Melia, so he refused to choose consequences. Therefore, it is on all of us to state, by pack law and by precedent, what Melia should experience in consequence for her actions against Kyle.” That led to a whole lot of grumbling, discussion, and debate among the others about what should be done to Melia. A couple of them seemed irritated that I hadn’t made the choice for them. The rest were pretty much divided between those who thought Melia had already been punished by being confined to her apartment and those who thought the punishment should be something severe. I tuned most of it out. I didn’t really care what happened to Melia, as long as they didn’t hurt her and claim it was because of me. In human courts, the victim didn’t get to choose the perp’s sentence. I didn’t see why pack should do

100 Karenna Colcroft things any differently. Other than the obvious fact that I wasn’t exactly dealing with humans here. Suzannah came over and perched on the arm of my chair. “Do you really not have an opinion about this?” she asked softly enough that the others wouldn’t hear. “Or are you just afraid of what they might do to her on your say-so?” “She’s a bitch,” I replied, stifling a chuckle. Melia certainly was that, in both senses of the word. “She hated me the moment she met me at Tobias’s and I think she bit me deliberately because she saw me as being in the way of her desire to be Tobias’s mate. I don’t know enough about pack law to know what consequences are possible and what might have been done in the past in situations like this. I just know I hate seeing anyone hurt, even if they are a criminal.” “Even if they hurt someone else?” Kirk wandered over and knelt in front of me. “Isn’t that the way even in the human justice system? Someone kills, they’re put to death.” “Only in states with the death penalty,” I countered. Now everyone in the room had fallen silent and I realized that no matter how softly we spoke, it was impossible to hide a conversation from a group of werewolves. “And Melia didn’t kill me. Maybe she wanted to, but she didn’t succeed. She turned me into one of you and I haven’t decided yet how bad a thing that might be. Point is; if the punishment has to fit the crime, then logic would say she should be bitten. But that would injure her and I don’t like the idea.” “He shouldn’t be part of this decision,” Dougal said. “He has bias against Melia.” “Did you not just hear him say he doesn’t want her to be hurt?” Mrs. Frelich countered. “To me, that doesn’t imply much bias.” I nudged Suzannah out of my way and stood. “Look, I’m clearly not the most popular guy here right now. I don’t know what happened among you all before I was bitten. I didn’t even know what you were until yesterday. So I’m just going to take a walk and while I’m gone you can complain about me and argue

sALAd on the side 101 amongst yourselves. I’ve said all I have to say on the subject of Melia, anyway.” Without waiting to see if any of them might stop me, I strode into my room, slipped my feet into my sneakers, and walked back through the gathering and out my front door. Once I was outside, I breathed a little easier. I hadn’t realized until then just how angry some of those werewolves were. Their emotions filled my apartment with a miasma I hadn’t noticed in the thick of it, but away from it, so much weight lifted from me that I couldn’t believe I hadn’t sensed it inside. I headed down the street toward the shipyard. The only other place I could have gone was Dunkin Donuts and I didn’t want to deal with the general public until I had a better idea of what kind of reactions to expect from myself. The whole thing with having to persuade myself into clothing had reinforced to me that I really didn’t know anything about myself anymore. After a while, maybe I’d have a better sense of what and who I was and I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting anyone. Right now, I didn’t give myself that much credit. The shipyard, which lay at the end of the street, contained several boat-related businesses and a marina. Supposedly a security guard kept watch over the place and prevented people from entering without reason. However, as I passed the wideopen gate, I didn’t see the guard anywhere. Good thing, because I didn’t want to have to explain what I was doing there. Somehow I didn’t think it would go over well to tell the guard I’d come to chill out after dealing with a pack of werewolves. I wandered out onto the marina dock. Across the harbor, the Boston skyline stood against the sky. Looking at the water, the boats, and the buildings, a sense of peace filled me. Maybe I’d be able to handle this after all. I just stood there, time passing without my noticing. Usually I was busy with work, even when I wasn’t physically there, and my mind tended to race at ninety miles a second even when I wanted to just be still. Footsteps behind me jolted my attention back to real life.

102 Karenna Colcroft Just to test myself, I didn’t turn around, just sniffed the air. I’d probably read too many novels, but this seemed to work. “Hi, Tobias.” “Pretty good.” He walked up beside me and stared at the harbor. “Instincts or scent?” “Scent, I think.” I looked at him. “Are they all done debating and bitching?” He nodded. “Some of them think I’m being too soft on you because I’m not forcing you to choose Melia’s punishment and I’m letting you get away with too much arguing and refusals. They may have a point. We both need to be mindful about you following orders and appearing submissive to me and the rest, even if you are more dominant than some of them. Until you challenge for dominance, you’re the second-lowest in the pack, and we both need to act like that’s the case.” “What’s going to happen to Melia?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answer, but since whatever consequence was dealt to her would be because of me, I deserved to know. “We talked about what you said. Punishment fitting the crime. She’s to remain in seclusion in her apartment for a week, for starters. When she’s allowed out, she’ll be attacked in the garden, like she did to you. She doesn’t know that yet, of course, and the others are under geas not to tell her. Some of them didn’t seem too inclined to follow orders, so I had to ramp things up a bit.” He sighed. “I hate doing that. Hate having the power to take away others’ free will. But sometimes, for the sake of the pack, I have no choice. Melia broke pack law and nearly killed you. If I just let it go with confining her to her apartment, some in the pack would take it as weakness on my part. It would be like giving a murderer a month in jail and calling it good. And if I let any of them tell her what her punishment will be, she might find a way to escape it. The pack has to believe in the strength and dominance of their Alpha, so I have to be strong and dominant.” From anyone else, it would have sounded like supervillain bullshit. “Oh, yes, I’m taking over the world, but it’s for everyone’s

sALAd on the side 103 own good, really it is.” From Tobias, it sounded pitiful. He really didn’t like having that much power over his pack. I had the sense he wished he were just a standard-issue werewolf, if not a normal human being. “They’ll hurt her,” I said. Just because I felt sorry for him didn’t mean I wasn’t still angry with him. “They might. I told them not to do too much harm; just enough to make her experience being bitten and know what you went through. I think she deserves that much.” He took another step forward and teetered on the edge of the dock for a moment. “Sometimes I look at the water and just want to fall in. And stay there.” “I don’t think werewolves are aquatic.” I reached for his arm, ready to pull him back if I had to. I didn’t think I’d have to, though. A suicidal Alpha seemed like a major contradiction in terms. He stepped back and I breathed a sigh of relief. “Probably not,” he said. “I grew up beside the ocean, did I tell you that? Literally beside. My parents owned an oceanfront home. We weren’t insanely rich or anything, but my dad’s family had money, and he’d inherited the place from some uncle or another. I loved it there. Every night, I slept with my window open so I could hear the waves, even when it was freezing outside.” Even standing so near a major city, in a marina with other people bustling nearby, the lapping of the water sounded soothing. I could only imagine what it must have been like to grow up with the ocean as one’s back yard. From the wistful look on his face, I figured Tobias hadn’t been to that house in a long time. Probably not since he’d been changed. I doubted he’d wanted to tell his family he’d become a wolf. I didn’t quite dare to ask him if that was the case, though. He put his arm around my shoulders. “I’m sorry, Kyle. For all of this.” “You didn’t bite me,” I pointed out. “Though you’re welcome

104 Karenna Colcroft to if you ever want to.” As I’d hoped, that earned a laugh, though it sounded more like a bark. Pretty apropos, given the circumstances. “I might take you up on that.” His teeth grazed my earlobe, and I shivered in surprise and delight. My body had its usual reaction to his touch: tingly skin, hot chills, and a rapidly hardening cock. Obviously we weren’t going to have sex right here on a public dock where anyone might see, though the idea aroused me mightily. No sex didn’t mean no anything, though. I grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him for a full-on kiss. His lips tasted like the strawberries I hadn’t managed to pick the other night and when I managed to pry them apart and slip my tongue inside his mouth, I tasted them even more strongly. He stiffened for a moment then pressed himself against me. He melted into my arms and his warm weight both comforted and excited me. His cock was clearly as hard as mine and I reached between us to touch it. He whimpered into my mouth as I gently squeezed him. I pulled back from him just enough to speak. “We need to go back. Into my bedroom, where I can finally fuck you, since you wouldn’t let me last night.” “Yeah.” He kissed me again, a quick peck, and grabbed my hand. “Yeah. I don’t want to argue with you about it anymore.” Tugging my hand, he stepped away. “Come on, before I get so hard I can’t fucking walk.” I was pretty much already there. The clothes I wore didn’t do much to hide the prominent tent at my crotch. Not that I cared. If anyone looked closely enough at me to notice it, it would be their problem, not mine. Tobias yanked me so hard I staggered and almost fell. He laughed. “So horny you forgot how to move your feet?” “You’re the one who’s trying to pull me down.” Grinning, I shoved him. “So get a fucking move on, then, if you’re in such a hurry.”

sALAd on the side 105 We ran. I’d been a runner once upon a time, before I’d moved to the city and taken a job that involved way too much work time and not enough time for myself. I’d never run like this, though. My feet didn’t even seem to touch the pavement and I breathed as easily as if I’d been sitting on my couch watching TV. Tobias ran even faster than I, and he, too, showed no sign of exertion. This had to be a side-effect of the wolfishness. It was the only explanation I could think of. “Fun,” Tobias said when we reached my building. “I haven’t run like that in a while. The others don’t like to draw attention to themselves.” “Running in human form shouldn’t draw that much attention, though.” I nodded toward the far side of the street, where a woman in a sports bra and spandex shorts jogged up the sidewalk. “Everyone around here does it.” “Not everyone runs in business casual clothes and doesn’t break a sweat,” he pointed out. “Now, did you bring your keys when you bailed out on us? Because if you didn’t, I may have to break into your apartment so I can get you where I want you.” Of course I hadn’t brought my keys. I didn’t even know where they were at that point. I hadn’t used them in three days. “Break in, then,” I said. He didn’t have to. The door swung open, revealing Mrs. Frelich’s disapproving face. “Alpha, the meeting hadn’t ended,” she chided. “I’m the Alpha,” Tobias said flatly. “I left. Therefore, the meeting ended. We reached consensus on Melia’s consequences and I went to inform Kyle of what had been decided and that he could have his apartment back, since we displaced him rather rudely.” “He chose to leave,” Mrs. Frelich countered. “As did you. The pack didn’t.” Great. Once again, my libido would have to wait. I was starting to think the great ruler of the cosmos didn’t want me to fuck Tobias. With a living room full of irked shifters, I wouldn’t

106 Karenna Colcroft be able to do anything I wanted. It was enough to make me pout like a three-year-old. “Don’t pout,” Tobias told me. “We’ll get rid of them and then we’ll be able to continue our, um, conversation.” That earned more of a glower from Mrs. Frelich, which Tobias and I both ignored. We went into my apartment and were confronted with more glares from the wolves. Apparently they hadn’t gotten the memo that Tobias didn’t want to talk to them anymore. “We discussed what we came here to discuss,” Tobias said. “When I left, that should have been your signal we were finished.” “You finished. We didn’t.” Suzannah stood. “Tobias, we’ve only solved part of the problem, and that only temporarily. Melia broke pack law and she’s been consequenced. But what about Kyle?” “Kyle doesn’t want to talk about Kyle.” I leaned against the door. “Kyle wants to have his apartment back so he can have some time to rest and process everything that’s happened.” Of course, Kyle also had to go to work and try to explain to his boss why he hadn’t shown up for the past few days. And he probably needed to stop talking about himself in third person, because it was getting annoying. I looked around the room. No one looked back at me. This time, their entire focus was on Tobias. Not necessarily a bad thing since I didn’t enjoy being the center of their attention. On the other hand, if they were just going to complain, I didn’t want it to be in my living room. I was serious about wanting my space back. “Kyle and I will figure out what’s going to happen with him,” Tobias said firmly. “Truthfully, I’d prefer that he not be one of us and if I can find a way to make that happen, I will. As long as he is a shifter, he’s one of our pack and we treat him like all other pack members.” The woman who’d been with Melia at Tobias’s party shook her head. “You’re already not treating him like the rest of us.”

sALAd on the side 107 “We are not going to discuss this now.” Tobias’s compulsion rang through the room. “If you have issue with me as an Alpha, you know the procedure. If you have issue with me as a man, speak to me privately. I allow all of you the freedom to speak your minds in meetings like this, but don’t mistake that for a democracy. I am Alpha and my word is law.” His pronouncement made him sound like a total asshole. It definitely killed my horniness, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Having heard him talk that way, though, I didn’t know whether I’d be able to get it back if and when the others left. I didn’t know if I wanted it back. If he thought he’d be able to go all dictatorish on me, he was sadly mistaken. The rest of the pack muttered to themselves, but none of them argued with Tobias. Whether it affected me or not, he did have power over them and that meant they couldn’t argue even if they wanted to. Which sucked, as far as I was concerned. I hated dictatorships. “If you have concerns, address them privately with me.” Tobias’s voice was a little less harsh now. “I do value what each of you has to say. I will consider it if you speak with me at an appropriate time. The topic today was what to do about Melia and I think we’ve satisfied everyone as best we can with our decision. Right now, all of you may leave. Kyle does need time to himself and I don’t think he expected to be bombarded this morning.” More muttering and grumbling, this time about not being allowed to complain about or to me, but everyone stood. As they walked past me out the door, some of them glared at me. Especially Melia’s friend and Dougal, whose bad side I didn’t really want to be on. Apparently I didn’t have much choice about that one, though. Finally, only Tobias, Mrs. Frelich, and Suzannah remained in my living room. Still two people too many. At least I actually knew and liked Mrs. Frelich and Suzannah, though Mrs. Frelich began to get on my nerves just a bit with her insistence that I not be involved with Tobias. At this point, I didn’t know if I wanted to be involved with him, but it certainly wasn’t any of her

108 Karenna Colcroft business either way. “Kyle, how are you feeling?” Suzannah asked quietly. “I know I asked you earlier and you gave me a snark answer. I honestly need to know. If you’re having any side effects of your change, I can help you, but not if you don’t tell me about them.” I took a few seconds to take inventory of my body. Still aches and pains from the shift and from Melia’s attack, but those had already faded somewhat. Physically, nothing felt overly strange or worrisome. “Thanks for asking,” I said. “I think I’m okay. Probably being unconscious for three days gave everything time to settle.” “Probably.” Mrs. Frelich studied me. “You do know you aren’t the pack’s favorite person right now, right? You’re interfering with their Alpha, as far as some of them are concerned, and they really don’t like that.” “I really don’t care.” I didn’t. I just wanted her and Suzannah to leave so I could be alone with Tobias. Or without him, whichever ended up happening. She threw her hands in the air. “Then I can’t do anything more for you. Alpha, with all due respect, be mindful of your place and his.” She whirled around and stormed out. “She’ll get over it,” Suzannah said with a bright smile that looked just a bit painful around the edges. “Her role in the pack is to maintain balance of power and peace and you’ve put a crimp in that, Kyle. That isn’t your fault, though. She’s just going to have to work harder and I think she didn’t really want to.” “That’s enough, Suzannah.” Tobias didn’t sound angry, but Suzannah flinched. Apparently bad-mouthing another pack member was a no-no. “I’ll check in with you later, Kyle.” She hugged me. “Sorry about all this, but we’ll make sure you’re all right.” “Thanks.” Finally, she left and I was alone with Tobias. Or with the Alpha, I wasn’t sure which. From what I’d seen, I’d begun to

sALAd on the side 109 think they were two different creatures entirely and I didn’t really want much more to do with the Alpha. Tobias sat on the floor and stared at the window without speaking. After several seconds, I realized he didn’t plan to speak. The silence became uncomfortable, but if he had nothing to say, neither did I. I refused to run the entire conversation. Plus I didn’t know what to say to him at this point. We’d kissed at the dock, had come back here planning to finally fuck after so many times being interrupted—and we’d been interrupted again. And this time, the interruption had showed me a side of him I didn’t like. He leaned back against the chair and closed his eyes. His breathing became deep and even, and for a second I thought he’d fallen asleep. Then he opened one eye. “Meditating. Trying to calm down. Bear with me, please.” “You should put that on your voicemail.” I walked into the kitchen and rummaged around for something to eat. Since I’d been ambushed that morning, I hadn’t had time for breakfast and my stomach was beginning to complain again. I’d have to be more careful about keeping up my calorie intake, apparently. The Frelichs had stocked well, probably the night before when Tobias had sent them out for food to bring to his place, and I had a freezer full of veggie burgers, soy chicken, and several other things I could eat. The refrigerator held what looked like half the produce section of the local grocery store, along with soy milk, soy yogurt, and even soy pudding. I’d have to find out from Mrs. Frelich how much they’d spent and pay them back. I knew the ridiculous cost of most of these items and I didn’t want to be beholden to them. I microwaved a pair of veggie burgers. Hunting through my cupboards, I found a bag containing a couple slices of vegan bread which hadn’t gone moldy yet, and slapped the burgers between them. Some lettuce on top and I had a decent sandwich. I made a mental note to ask Tobias or Suzannah for directions to the nearest grocery store later so I could get more bread and maybe some vegan mayonnaise.

110 Karenna Colcroft When I returned to the couch, Tobias still sat in the same position. However, he’d opened his eyes, and he smiled at me as I took the first bite of my meal. “Working up your energy? Or is the mood dead now?” I chewed a couple bites of food before answering. “You were kind of an asshole to all of them.” “I’m the Alpha,” he pointed out. “That doesn’t mean asshole, but it does mean sometimes I have to be more forceful with my pack than I’d like. It bothered you, seeing me order them around like that.” I nodded and ate a couple more bites. Tobias shifted and sat up straighter. He was sweating my answer, which pleased me. If he wanted to be an asshole in my apartment, he damn well should sweat. His shoulders slumped and I figured I’d better say something. “It bothered me. I don’t like anyone controlling others. That’s probably what an Alpha is supposed to do, but to me, it’s too much like a dictator. And because of all those magic command powers of yours, they don’t even have a choice in the matter.” “Which is why I almost never lay a geas on anyone and I try to give them choices.” He moved onto the couch beside me. “That’s part of what puts me in danger as an Alpha. If you think I was an asshole, you should see how some of the others run their packs. There are dominant weres in the nearest territories who think I’m weak for giving my pack members a voice and that Chal is weak for allowing us autonomy. That’s part of why the pack is upset about you. They think having you in the pack, knowing how I feel about you, will just reinforce my weakness in the eyes of the others.” “How you feel about me?” I prompted. He grinned. “You like hearing it, huh? That’s fine, because now that I’ve allowed myself, I like saying it. I care about you a lot, Kyle. I want us to have something more than a friendship. That’s kind of been screwed up now, but I still want to try. And right now…” He took my sandwich out of my hands and set it

sALAd on the side 111 on the coffee table. “Right now, I want you.” We hadn’t settled anything; hadn’t sorted out my anger toward him or my opinion of his Alpha actions. I didn’t know where we stood, where I stood within the pack, or whether any of that would change if I fucked Tobias. And I didn’t give a shit about any of it, because the man I’d lusted after for months sat there beside me with desire filling his eyes and a hand that was oh-so-close to my thigh and I wanted him far more than I wanted to discuss our issues. “The bedroom’s in there.” I nodded toward the door as if he hadn’t already been in the room. “Race you.”

ChAPteR ten Arriving home from the boat yard to find an angry werewolf pack sitting in my living room had killed my mood and hard-on earlier. Shoving Tobias against my bedroom door and crushing my mouth against his brought both raging back full strength. As we kissed, his hands roamed over my arms, chest, and back like he didn’t quite know where to put them. He’d had no problem with that at all earlier, but now he seemed almost shy about going to bed with me. No surprise, since he hadn’t had sex with me—or any guy—before. First time jitters. I didn’t like seeing my partner nervous and confused, though, so to help him out, I took his hand and brought it to my dick. He rubbed the hard bulge, which grew even harder under his touch, though I wouldn’t have thought it could get any harder. With wide eyes, he pulled away from the kiss. “Feels pretty big,” he said hoarsely. “About average.” I rested my hand on his cock. “Yours may be bigger, but I don’t play that game. It’s all about how it’s used.” Looking into his eyes, I unfastened his jeans and pushed them down. His cock sprang against my hand and my finger found a droplet of moisture at the tip. “You didn’t lose the mood at all, did you?” “I did. Shifters recover quickly.” He grabbed my wrist. “Don’t. Not yet. This is my first time with another man, and my first time with you, and I want it to be slow so I can remember every single second.” I didn’t want slow. Nearly a week had passed since we’d first talked about this and now that I was finally about to have a chance to fuck him, I wanted it now. Patience in bed had never been one of my virtues anyway, especially under circumstances like this. On the other hand, I didn’t want to scare him, so I slowly took off my shirt and pants and stood naked in front of him, painfully hard cock against my belly, and spread my arms to the sides. “Go

114 Karenna Colcroft slow, then, but I want to fuck you and I don’t know how much longer I can wait.” Eyes gleaming, he stripped off his clothes. I’d seen him naked before, of course, that night in the garden which I now realized had been him shifting. His muscled chest had little hair, which struck me as odd. Werewolves should have lots of hair. Below the waist, around his cock and balls was another sparse thatch. I ran my hand over his chest. He closed his eyes and moaned softly. “Touch me like that. No one ever touches me like that.” Confused, I looked into his eyes. No sign of arrogance or dominance now. Just lust and caring, underlaid with pain. “What do you mean?” “I am Alpha. I am dominant,” he said bitterly. “So when I fuck people, they think it means rough. Or they don’t touch me at all, because they think dominant in life means dominant in bed.” “Doesn’t it?” If it did, we might have a problem, because I wasn’t about to be all subby. He shook his head. “It can, I guess, but not with me. I don’t want it that way.” “So you want me to touch you like this?” I slipped my fingers through his long hair, which he’d once again left out of a ponytail. With my other hand, I lightly stroked the muscles in his arm. He shivered and most of the tension in him drained away. “God, yes. Just like that. That feels amazing.” “Before we go any farther, we need to get a couple things sorted out while we can still think.” I kissed his shoulder. “First of all, protection? I don’t have any on hand.” I had lube, for my occasional self-infliction sessions, but no condoms. “No need.” His voice was hoarse now and he moved forward so our entire bodies touched skin to skin. “Disease can’t touch us. One of the few advantages to being a shifter.” “Noted.” I traced his ear with a fingertip and he shivered again. “Last question and then we can enjoy ourselves. Giving or receiving?”

sALAd on the side 115 “Huh?” He opened his eyes and stared at me. “You mean… Oh, shit, of course that’s what you mean.” “Nope, no shit. We’ll shower first.” He took a second to catch the joke then he snorted. “Yeah, funny. I didn’t even think about that. I mean, obviously with two guys, it makes sense to ask, but…” His brow furrowed. “I don’t know.” Lack of experience. It had been a while since I’d been with a guy who was new to fucking other guys and I’d forgotten how many things had to be worked out. Just from the little conversation about him not wanting to be dominant, I figured he’d probably prefer to receive. Since we’d entered the bedroom, he’d seemed way less aggressive. On the other hand, for his first time, it might be easier for me to be on the receiving end. I certainly had no objection to it, even though with the guys I fucked I was usually the giver. Sooner or later, of course, I would have his ass. But the first time, when he was already nervous about what we were about to do, might not be the right time. “You have no preference?” I caressed his ass. “You don’t know if you want my dick in here or if you want to put your dick in me?” He hissed in a breath. “You make both sound pretty fucking appealing.” “I think you being horny as hell is what makes it appealing.” I slipped my finger into his ass crack. He moaned. “Like that, huh? Maybe I should take your ass. I want it, but if you’d rather fuck me I’m fine with that, too.” “You mentioned a shower.” I chuckled. Of course he’d think of that as soon as anal sex was mentioned. “Yeah. We can soap each other up, get all nice and clean, and then get down and dirty. And no other goddamn shifters better interrupt us this time or I’ll just fuck you in front of them all.”

116 Karenna Colcroft “That might not go over too well.” He took my hand in both of his. “Shower.” He tugged me toward the bathroom and I followed, dragging my feet to tease him. “Move it,” he growled, eyes twinkling. In the bathroom, I turned on the water in the shower and adjusted it to the temperature I liked. “Not too cold,” Tobias said. “That might kill the mood.” I cupped some water in my hand and tossed it at him. “Does that feel warm enough to you?” He pushed past me and reached under the flow of water to splash some on me. “I think it’s fine. What do you think?” “I think we need to be under it to find out for sure.” Pushing and shoving for position, we entered the shower stall. Tobias leaned back and allowed the water to flow through his hair. He closed his eyes and sighed. “This is nice.” I squirted some body wash into my hands and rubbed them together, then dotted the resulting lather onto Tobias’s chest. He opened his eyes. “What do you think you’re doing?” “Connect the dots?” I noticed a thin line diagonally across his chest and leaned closer. “What happened there?” “Dominance fight before I joined this pack.” He flicked water at me. “Are you going to study every inch of me?” “I’d like to.” I ran my hands over the lather I’d left on him. His skin was silken and warm and I wanted to press my body against his. My cock twitched at the thought, but I didn’t act on it. I wanted to play with Tobias. Not sexually, just sheer, enjoyable play. The type of thing I’d never taken the time for with any of my previous lovers. Sex had always been a means to an end and most of the time had been too hurried between jobs and other responsibilities to allow for fun. He kissed my shoulder. “I like having you touch me.” “I like touching you.” I took his hand and brought it to my chest. “And I’d like to be touched.”

sALAd on the side 117 Tentatively, he slid his hand down my chest to my abdomen. Although he didn’t even try to touch my cock, it hardened. I breathed deeply through my arousal. This moment wasn’t about sex. It was about exploring each other. Knowing each other’s bodies before we moved on to the next step. I scanned his body. His skin was scarred in several places and I saw fresh and fading bruises as well. Where no marks were, his skin was creamy smooth and I had to stop myself from licking those clear expanses. Everything I saw fascinated me and I touched him here and there, stroking with gentle fingertips. He moved his fingers over my bare skin, touching me almost everywhere, but avoiding where I most wanted to be touched. Leaning past me, he picked up the bottle of body wash and squirted a line of it down the center of my chest. “Payback,” he said, laughing. I scooped some of it off and dabbed it on his nose. “Double.” He laughed again and traced a finger down the line he’d made, stopping at my abdomen. Then he reached around me, as if to hug me, and ran his hand down my back. The simple touch of his fingers turned me on more than anything ever had. Maybe because it was Tobias, or maybe because human touch was incredibly powerful. This bond he and I shared was enhanced exponentially by the physical contact. Despite how badly we wanted each other, we stayed in the shower until the water cooled off. By the time we toweled off, we were both more than ready for the next step. Anticipation felt like fire dancing on my skin and Tobias’s breathing had become louder and more ragged the more I touched him. We hurried back to my room. Tobias threw me on the bed and pounced, laughing as he landed on his hands and knees straddling me. “You’re hard.” “Duh.” I grasped his cock tightly enough to get his attention. “We both are. That’s because we’re going to fuck, as soon as you tell me how you want it.” “I don’t care.” He slithered down my body until his mouth

118 Karenna Colcroft reached my cock. Hesitantly, he licked the tip. “You taste good.” “That isn’t how you give head.” I thrust upward, forcing my dick between his lips. He coughed slightly. “I know you’ve had this done to you. Now do it to me, just the way you like it. As long as you don’t bite me, you won’t get it wrong.” In response, he grazed my shaft with his teeth. I swatted his shoulder and he laughed, which sent delightful little vibrations through my cock. Even though he’d never done this before, he did damn well. As he slid his mouth up and down on my dick, he licked the skin and sucked lightly. I let the rest of my body go limp and just focused on the amazing sensation of having someone sucking my cock for the first time in months. Of having Tobias’s mouth on me, which felt like the first thing in my entire life that had been one hundred percent right. I didn’t let him continue for long, though. Our games in the shower, along with being naked in bed with him, had brought me back to the boiling point and I didn’t want to come in his mouth when he might not be ready for it. I nudged his forehead and he looked up at me without releasing my cock. “Stop,” I said. “Unless you want a mouthful.” Immediately, he moved back and knelt between my legs. “You’re fucking gorgeous. Never thought I’d say that about a man, but you are.” “So are you.” I reached up for him, and he lowered himself into my arms. “I don’t know what’s going on here and I don’t care. I want you. Friend, lover, whatever.” “Likewise.” He kissed my cheek. “So fuck me already.” “You haven’t answered my question yet.” “Fuck me,” he repeated, emphasizing the second word. “I don’t know what it’s going to feel like or if I’ll be able to take it, but I want your cock inside me. I want to try it.” A chill ran through me. I knew how much trust it took to make a statement like that. The fact he trusted me that much

sALAd on the side 119 gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling. I would have made fun of anyone else if they’d told me about it. I didn’t want to analyze that feeling right then. He rolled away from me and I groped around on my nightstand without looking until my hand hit the bottle of lube. “We need a lot of this,” I said, holding the bottle up in front of him. “A lot of this and a lot of relaxation on your part. I’ll be as slow and gentle as I can, but I have to tell you that if I had my way, I would ram into you so hard you screamed.” “Maybe another time.” He snatched the lube out of my hand. “After I’m used to it.” He poured some lube into his hand and spread it onto my cock, which twitched beneath his touch. That pleased him, judging from the triumphant glint in his eyes and his smug grin. He added a bit more for good measure before giving me back the bottle. “Lie on your side,” I instructed. Looking puzzled, he did. I pushed his upper leg so it bent against his chest, which nicely exposed his ass to me. “This is the easiest position for your first time, as far as I’m concerned,” I explained as I poured lube directly onto him. He jumped. “That stuff ’s cold!” “Yep.” I grinned and used my fingers to smear the lube around and slightly inside his hole, stretching him as I spread the lube. The skin around the opening felt like satin and the hole itself was as warm as it had been in my fantasy. Tobias lay perfectly still, breathing only a little more heavily than usual. “You worried about shrinkage or something?” “Asshole.” “Yeah, that’s where I’m putting this.” I tossed the lube back toward my nightstand, from which it immediately dropped onto the floor. “I’m not going to talk you through all this. Too much talk and not enough action makes it a hell of a lot less fun. Just relax, breathe deep, and trust me.”

120 Karenna Colcroft “I do trust you.” He reached up to caress my face. “I’m ready.” I kissed him first, because I wanted to. This wasn’t just about sex anymore, if it ever had been. I loved the man, even if I wouldn’t say so because I almost never used that word. Having such a strong feeling for someone I barely knew made no sense and at the same time, it made more sense than anything in my life ever had. After a moment, I broke the kiss and positioned my cock against him. “Relax,” I reminded him. He nodded and closed his eyes. I didn’t want him to. I wanted him to watch as I took his ass for the first time. But I didn’t say so. If he watched, he might tense up, and that would hurt him. The last thing I wanted was to cause him any pain. I preferred that he enjoy every single second of this. So I very, very slowly and carefully pushed forward. The tip of my cock entered him easily enough, and then I encountered resistance. I pressed against it and was rewarded with another fraction of an inch entry into him. He groaned and murmured something I didn’t understand. “Relax.” His body went limp against the mattress. He followed orders pretty well for someone who was more used to giving them. Again I pushed and slid further inside him. He moaned and gripped a handful of sheet. “Play with yourself,” I said softly. “The better you feel, the easier this will be, and I can’t reach your dick right now.” He opened one eye and smirked at me. “You just want to watch me jerk off.” He gasped. “Oh, fuck, that stings!” “Do you want me to stop?” Of course his first fuck might hurt a bit, no matter how cautiously I entered him. If he couldn’t handle it, though, I definitely wouldn’t keep going. He shook his head and put his hand around his cock. “Keep going. I want you in me.” As I entered him, he stroked himself. His eyes slipped closed

sALAd on the side 121 again and he relaxed enough to make it easy for me to take him completely. I did it slowly, savoring the pressure and friction of him around my shaft. Knowing he was allowing me to do this, that I was the first he’d allowed, amazed me. I hardly felt worthy of it. As our bodies joined, the bond between us strengthened, until I felt as if I was entering his heart and soul as well as his ass. I could have sworn I experienced what he was experiencing along with my own physical and emotional sensations. When I was fully inside, I said, “How does it feel?” “Full,” he murmured. “God, it feels fucking incredible. Hurts a little, but I don’t care. Fuck me.” “Wait a second or two till you’re used to it,” I replied. He opened his eyes and glared at me. “I said fuck me.” “Oh, and you think you’re in control here?” I pulled back a bit. “Want me back in?” “Fuck, yes.” He moved against me, not that there was much he could do in his position. “I’m fine, Kyle. God, am I fine. Just fuck me. Slow, fast, I don’t care, I just want you to do it.” Slowly, I thrust back into him. His tight ass squeezed my dick so exquisitely I had to bite my tongue to keep from moaning about how good it felt. “Keep playing with yourself,” I said. “To stay relaxed?” “No.” I winked. “Because I want to watch while I fuck you.” Eyes on me, he gripped his dick and followed my command. I started a slow rhythm, sliding out of him then pushing back inside. I knew I wouldn’t last long. He was too tight, and seeing him jerk himself off as I fucked him just plain did it for me. His pleasure shone in his eyes and I knew this would be only the first of many times for us. Next time, I’d try to last longer. This time, I let the climax build. My balls tightened and my breathing grew heavier as it approached. Shivers and shimmers ran over my skin, inside and out. I loved sex, had had plenty of it, but nothing had ever felt like this. The bond between

122 Karenna Colcroft us strengthened and I would have sworn I felt his desire, his pleasure, as much as my own. Someone cried out and I realized it was me. “That’s it,” Tobias murmured. “Fuck me, Kyle. It feels so fucking good. I want you to do this to me all the fucking time from now on.” “I think we might have to stop once in a while,” I gasped. “My dick might get kind of raw otherwise.” He laughed and let go of his cock to cup my balls. “You’re going to come.” “Yeah.” I kind of wished he’d stop talking. Most of my lovers had been the strong, silent type, and I didn’t make much if any noise myself during sex. The whole dirty-talk thing had never really done anything for me. But Tobias’s delight in these new sensations and how good it felt to be fucked were so evident that I didn’t have the heart to ask him to be quiet. Hearing him talk about the new things he was learning made me rock hard inside him and I fucked him faster. He smiled and pushed against me. “That’s how I want it. Do what you want to me, Kyle. I’m not going to complain. I never thought this would feel so incredible.” “Thought what would feel incredible?” I wanted to hear him say it. “Your cock in my ass.” He growled the words. “You fucking my ass. I love the way your dick feels inside me and I want to feel you come in me.” Apparently his wish was my cock’s command. With a shout, I came, filling him. I could barely breathe from the force of the climax and I didn’t care. Sparks of light floated in front of my eyes and my entire body trembled and shook. I lost control of my arms for a moment and collapsed onto Tobias’s hip. He put his arm around me. I lay there, panting, unwilling to move while my body regained its senses. “I love you,” Tobias whispered.

sALAd on the side 123 I didn’t know whether he expected me to hear him, and right then, I couldn’t say it back. I felt it, I knew I did, but it seemed too soon to admit it. Besides, I couldn’t seem to get enough air to say a damn thing. As oxygen and rational thought returned to me, I realized Tobias hadn’t come. Somewhere along the line he’d stopped trying to get himself off and had focused on me. On sending me his pleasure to magnify my own, which sounded like a complete nutcase thought while at the same time having that same air of rightness that I’d sensed before. I didn’t understand how he could make me feel everything he felt, but somehow he had entered my mind just as I’d entered his body. The pleasure came from Tobias, I knew that much. He must have sent it to me through the connection I’d sensed between us. Some kind of magic, like the compulsion. I wasn’t sure I liked that. “You made me come,” I said softly. “Fucking my ass made you come.” He ran his hand through my hair. “Did you like it?” “Yes.” I nuzzled his thigh. “You know I did. But you made me come. Something you did. Something Alpha. Maybe you didn’t even realize you did it.” “I don’t have that much control over people, Kyle. Especially not you.” He turned so he was almost on his back. “I wanted you to enjoy it.” “And I did.” I licked his cock. “You didn’t come. Do you want to?” “Yes,” he breathed. I changed position so I could engulf his cock with my mouth. He tasted a bit soapy still from our shower and his texture on my tongue sent blood rushing back to my dick. I ignored it. I’d had my pleasure and now it was his turn. I lowered my mouth onto him nearly to the base of his dick then slowly, licking as I went, slid back up to the tip. “Oh, fuck,

124 Karenna Colcroft do that again!” he begged. Instead of taking his order, I licked around his cockhead, tasting the sweet saltiness of precum. I cupped his balls and gently squeezed and he cried out something unintelligible. I ran my tongue down his length and sucked his balls. Against my tongue, I tasted the tang of sweat on the slightly puckered skin, which was not at all unpleasant. Skin. He bucked and moaned and his cock twitched against my forehead. Encouraged, I sucked harder. “My dick!” he gasped. “Fuck, Kyle, suck my dick. I’m going to come!” “That’s the idea,” I informed him. I once again took his cock in my mouth. As I sucked, I used my hand on his balls and the base of his dick. A shout from him alerted me and I was ready when the thick, sweet taste of his semen filled my mouth. He bucked hard and grunted at the first spurt and then again. I swallowed, smiling to myself. After the intense pleasure he’d given me, I’d wanted to return the favor. It seemed I’d succeeded. Three bucks and groans later, he rested limply against the mattress. I licked around his cock to make sure I hadn’t missed anything. Only then did I move up on the bed to lie beside him. “I thought the women I’d been with were good at that,” he murmured. “They were nothing compared to you.” “No one knows their way around a man’s cock like another man.” I smiled. “You liked it, I take it?” “I liked all of it.” His voice held a note of awe. “This is what I could have had with—” He shook his head. “Never mind.” “With Harok?” I guessed. He nodded. “I don’t think I’m supposed to talk about another man while I’m naked with you.” “You just talked about having women give you head,” I pointed out. “I don’t mind what you say. You’re naked with me, not with any of them. Talk about whatever you want.”

sALAd on the side 125 Something glistened in the corner of his eye. He turned his head away before I could figure out what it was. “Do men cuddle after sex?” “If they want to.” I never had; had never wanted that much closeness with my partners after the act ended. With Tobias, though, I would gladly have spent the night with our arms around each other. Figured. One fuck and the guy had turned me into a total sap. “I want to.” He spoke so softly I barely heard him. “Please.” I put my hand on his shoulder and turned him toward me. His eyes shone with unshed tears and I quickly embraced him and nudged his head down onto my chest so I wouldn’t see him cry. No matter what we shared, I didn’t think either of us could handle his raw emotions just then. Besides, I felt pretty close to crying too and didn’t have the slightest clue why. The sex had been great. The closeness, even better. The physical had little to do with what I felt, though. He’d taken my heart and forced it open so wide I knew I’d never be able to shut him out, even if I wanted to. I’d thought I’d been in love once or twice before. I’d even said so to the lover I’d left to come to Boston. But the fact that I’d left him so easily showed I hadn’t fallen for him, not completely. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to stand moving away from Tobias if the question arose. This was love and it folded itself around us. Tobias’s tears trickled onto my chest and I squeezed my eyes shut to hold back my own tears. His breathing slowed and mine matched it. We slept.

ChAPteR eLeven When I woke, I was alone in the bed. Sometime while I slept, Tobias had squirmed away from me. I’d felt him go, but post­ coital narcolepsy had left me too sleepy to protest. Now, though, I was pissed. I hated it when a lover left without saying goodbye. I got up and gathered my clothes, then stomped grumpily into the bathroom for a quick wash-up. The warm water from the shower woke me up a little more and by the time I had my clothes on, I felt mostly back to normal. Except for the piece of me that Tobias now carried with him. On the kitchen counter, I found a scrap of paper. “Kyle, I had to go,” Tobias had scrawled. “Pack business. I’m sorry. I wanted to stay with you and sleep. This job sucks. Call me when you wake up.” He’d written a phone number at the bottom of the paper. For a brief, petty moment I considered not calling him. Let him sweat over how angry I was. I wasn’t really upset enough to do that to him, though, so I found my cell phone and dialed. His ringtone was the sound of an old-fashioned phone and the first ring hadn’t even stopped before he answered. “I’m sorry,” he said before I spoke. “You apologized in your note,” I replied. “It’s okay. You’re the boss, so you can’t just lie around all day.” “Yeah.” He sounded relieved. “I didn’t like leaving you that way, though. There’s a problem. Can you come to my place?” I didn’t see what a pack problem had to do with me. He sounded anxious enough. I chose not to ask. “Sure. Be there in a minute.” “We have food.” That clinched it, since my stomach was growling again. I hung up, found my shoes, and headed across the garden.

128 Karenna Colcroft Suzannah held Tobias’s door open for me. Inside his apartment, most of the pack sat, stone-faced. Three were missing. Melia, Dougal, and Melia’s friend whose name I couldn’t remember. Tobias’s twisted face brightened a bit when I walked in. Not much, though. He didn’t want to give anything away about him and me in front of the rest of the pack. The furniture was all occupied, so I sat on the floor, which I figured was a logical place for a wolf at the bottom of the pack. Tobias nodded his approval. “Now that our complete pack has assembled, we can finish the discussion.” “Too much discussion,” Mr. Frelich grumbled. “All we’ve done today is discuss. Alpha, with all due respect, we need to act. Dougal, Melia, and Katrine have left the pack. You know what that will signal to the other area packs.” Even I could guess that. Weakness. If members left the pack, it showed that the Alpha was too weak to hold them. I had no clue where that little tidbit of information came from, but the anger vibrating through the room proved it correct. “I gave them permission to leave,” Tobias countered, narrowing his eyes. His voice stayed deadly calm, but anger resonated through it. “No reflection on me or the pack as a whole.” “That depends on what they tell whatever pack they petition to join,” Mrs. Frelich said. I rolled my eyes. Even though Mr. Frelich had pissed Tobias off with his comment, I agreed with him. This pack talked way too much. In the little bit of thought I’d had about wolf packs, or werewolf packs, I’d always assumed the pack existed to protect each other and hunt together. This was way too much like a government, meeting and debating and never really doing anything. It annoyed me. While the pack grumbled and debated and talked around me, I just sat and listened. I wasn’t far enough along to be a contributing member of the pack, because I didn’t really know anything about being a shifter. I just knew changing form hurt

sALAd on the side 129 like hell and made me hungry. Which reminded me that Tobias had mentioned food. Ignoring the little voice in my mind that told me to stay seated, I scrambled to my feet. Maybe my wolf, or whatever kept giving me information, thought I should sit down, but I needed something to eat. Immediately I was surrounded by four pack members, including Mrs. Frelich. “Sit,” she ordered me. “You do not stand during a meeting.” “I just wanted something to eat,” I protested. Surely I hadn’t committed such a grave sin that they thought it would take four of them to subdue me. “Not during the meeting,” Mrs. Frelich repeated even more firmly. I may have mentioned that I hated following orders. However, the pleading look in her eyes got me over that. She wasn’t trying to be bossy. If I didn’t sit back down, there would be a problem with the rest of the pack. I didn’t quite understand why getting up to grab a bite to eat was such a major offense to these guys, but I figured it was just one of those pack law things that no one had bothered explaining to me. I sat. The discussion continued, though a couple of the pack members stopped talking long enough to glare at me. Whatever I’d done had apparently been really offensive. Tobias barely seemed to notice. No surprise there. He was a bit occupied trying to justify his choice to let the three assholes leave the pack and to let me stay. That second part shocked me. The pack had wanted to throw me out because they thought I’d be too much of a distraction for the Alpha. For the first time, I was glad Tobias could be all dictatorish. Otherwise I’d have been without a home. While I sat and listened, I fidgeted like a bored three-year-old. I didn’t care about the logistics of letting three wolves leave the

130 Karenna Colcroft pack, or about the rants against the Alpha having a male lover. Yeah, the pack had apparently figured out pretty quickly that Tobias and I had something going on and most of them didn’t like it one bit. Only Suzannah and Kirk seemed okay with it, and neither of them did more to show their acceptance than giving me a quick smile when no one else was looking. A phone rang, mercifully interrupting the drone of voices. After some fumbling of cell phones, they figured out it had been Mrs. Frelich’s. She answered it and promptly handed it to Tobias without saying a word. “Hello?” Instantly Tobias’s entire body tensed. He frowned and glared around the room as though daring anyone to ask who’d called. “Yes, I know,” he snapped into the phone. “They received my permission. I can’t have wolves in my pack who knowingly endanger the rest of us. It’s your choice whether to accept them. I will not take them back.” He paused and closed his eyes for a moment. If I’d been alone, I would have left the room to give him some privacy. Whatever the call was about pissed him off and I didn’t want to be there listening in. None of the others moved, though, so I stayed put as well. “Yes, we have a new wolf.” Tobias spoke through gritted teeth. “Melia, one of those who has petitioned you, changed him a few days ago. Unauthorized, unpermitted, and she nearly took his life in doing so. She had been incarcerated in her home until she and her two friends asked to leave the pack. I felt it best to allow them.” Whoever he was talking to didn’t like that, because a loud male voice erupted from the other end of the phone. Mrs. Frelich closed her eyes and hummed softly to herself. Suzannah had gone white and she gripped the arm of the chair she sat in so tightly her knuckles matched her face. The rest of the pack shifted uneasily. All of them looked stunned and none spoke or moved. I felt the same thing they did.

sALAd on the side 131 Fear and anger emanated from Tobias so strongly even a normal human probably would have felt it. This was somehow my fault. The caller had asked about me and didn’t like Tobias’s answer. My stomach sank and I swallowed back nausea. Good thing I hadn’t been allowed to pick out anything to eat, because at this point I wouldn’t have been able to keep anything down. The emotions swirling through the room were too strong, so strong everyone else sitting there looked ill. “Stop,” Tobias said quietly. Compulsion resonated around us. Some of the others relaxed, as if he’d been telling them to stop worrying. I knew that wasn’t the case, of course. He’d told the person on the other end of the phone to stop yelling. And the person had, which meant whoever it was, Tobias was stronger. “This is not a conversation to have over the phone,” Tobias said. “We will meet. You name the place and time, since the question is yours.” The voice at the other end spoke and Tobias moved his hand like he was writing. Mr. Frelich grabbed a pen and pad of paper from the end table beside the couch and handed it to Tobias, who quickly scribbled something. “Agreed. Friday at noon at your location. I will bring only my beta and my peacemaker. I would appreciate the same courtesy.” He paused to listen and his face fell. “Yes, I will also bring my new wolf. Noon.” He hung up and threw the phone across the room. It bounced off the wall, but didn’t break. They make the most indestructible things nowadays. Mr. Frelich scrambled to retrieve his wife’s phone. Apparently he was allowed to stand during a meeting. “Who was it?” Suzannah’s voice quavered. Her face was still pale and she spoke slowly. “Chal, the Alpha of the City Pack.” Tobias pronounced it so we could all hear the capital letters. “Melia, Dougal, and Katrine have petitioned for admission to his pack and he wanted to know why I allowed three of my members to leave.” He glanced at

132 Karenna Colcroft me, then at the floor. “They told him about Kyle and about my order to protect him before he was changed. Chal wants to meet to discuss the petition and whether I’m able to manage my pack. Unfortunately, since we exist as a pack only by his agreement, he has the right to oust me as Alpha if he wants.” “He’s weaker than you,” I said. Maybe I didn’t have a right to speak, but I damn sure wouldn’t let Tobias stand there looking like his entire life had just ended. Everyone stared at me and I shrank back a little. We were all in human form, but right then more than a little wolf showed through in everyone. The pack had been threatened and wolves, not humans, dealt with such threats. Though Chal had only asked for a meeting and my rational mind didn’t comprehend how that could be seen as a threat. “What do you mean, Chal’s weaker?” Mrs. Frelich demanded. “You know nothing about Chal, Kyle.” “Chal has been Alpha of that pack as long as it’s existed,” Tobias said. “He’s strong, Kyle. Stronger than you can imagine. He’s far older than I am.” “And yet when you compelled him to stop yelling at you, he stopped,” I pointed out. “I’m new around here and I don’t know a lot about werewolves yet. However, I’d be willing to bet one Alpha’s compulsion doesn’t work on another Alpha unless the second Alpha is weaker. He’s weaker than you.” Tobias’s conversation with Chal proved it. “He did stop,” Tobias said thoughtfully after an uncomfortable minute or so. “I said stop and he did.” “We all felt the compulsion,” I said. Even though it hadn’t affected me, I wouldn’t let the rest of the pack know that. “So it was there, and apparently Chal felt it too.” “How do you know any of that?” Kirk asked. “You keep saying you don’t know much about werewolves, but you keep saying things that prove differently. How do you know?” I shrugged. “I’m not sure. Maybe I read it somewhere.”

sALAd on the side 133 “We need to prepare for the meeting.” Mrs. Frelich stood. Only then did I notice that she was shaking slightly. Even she feared this other Alpha. Or maybe Tobias’s anger was what had frightened her. “Did he agree to only bring his beta and peacemaker, Tobias?” “He did.” Tobias ran his hand through his hair. “Whatever his intent, he’s presenting it as a conversational meeting, not as an attack. So you and Kirk, stay. Kyle, you too, since we have to bring you with us.” “He shouldn’t be part of the planning,” Kirk argued. I blinked. This quiet, redneck guy who barely spoke was the beta of the pack? My limited knowledge included the fact that the beta was the second-strongest wolf in any pack, the one who backed the Alpha in any fight or conflict. That might explain why he didn’t have a problem with Tobias’s and my relationship, since it was his job to make sure the Alpha was all right and being with me clearly made Tobias happy. I never would have taken Kirk for a dominant wolf, though. “He won’t be.” Tobias knelt beside me. A mixture of smells from our time at my apartment lingered around him. He hadn’t had time for a shower, I guessed. The scent reminded me of what we’d done together and my cock stiffened just a bit. I wanted to grab Tobias and plant one hell of a kiss on him, but I refrained. “Kyle, I know you don’t like to keep your mouth shut, but while we’re talking, please do. This is pack business and you don’t know enough about the pack yet. Have something to eat and just listen, because I can’t let you stick your two cents’ worth in. I just want you to hear what we decide so you’ll be ready for the meeting.” Basically he wanted me to just sit there and be ignored. That idea pissed me off. He’s the Alpha, I reminded myself. Even in front of our own pack, I couldn’t let on that he didn’t have any power to make me obey him. “Thank you for letting me stay.” I stood. “And for the offer of food, because I’m really hungry.” “You’re welcome.” He smiled and winked at me. The smile

134 Karenna Colcroft thanked me for following along with the pretense that he could boss me around and the wink let me know he wasn’t fooled for a second. His counters were spread with almost as much food as there had been at the party. The rest of the pack left in silence and while Tobias, Kirk, and Mrs. Frelich began their discussion, I fixed myself a lettuce and tomato sandwich, not caring right then whether the bread was vegan, and grabbed a handful of tortilla chips to toss onto the plate beside it. When I opened the fridge I found a stock of tofu, soy “meats” of various types. If the growling in my stomach didn’t quiet, I’d eat some of those afterward. Planning for the meeting with the other pack was just as boring as the previous meeting had been, especially since I’d been forbidden to say anything. By the time they finished talking, they’d reached the conclusion Melia and the other two must have passed along some information that led Chal to believe taking over our pack would be easy. The little I paid attention to was more about how Chal would have the right to take over the Boston North pack if the defectors had said, or even hinted, that Tobias’s power was slipping. Not only the right. Chal would have no choice, because if a bordering pack got wind of the situation and Chal did nothing about it, the other pack might try to assimilate the entire City Pack. Apparently territory war had happened before, not long after City Pack had taken their share of the territory. To keep it from happening again Chal would have no choice but to bring Boston North under his control if there were any signs that Tobias couldn’t handle it. Otherwise the neighboring packs would question Chal’s power. After listening to them talk about how long our pack had existed, I gave up trying to figure out age. Werewolves didn’t seem to age the way humans did, so it turned out that good ol’ boy Kirk really was an old boy; nearly a hundred. Mrs. Frelich was even older than that. Tobias’s true age was about fifteen years older than what it appeared, which put him close to fifty even though he looked to be in his early to mid-thirties.

sALAd on the side 135 Being a werewolf was pretty close to immortality. “So we’ll arrive early,” Mrs. Frelich said after a really long time, summing up the discussion. “Their pack meets are held in a warehouse on the South Boston waterfront. One of their members owns it. There are employees who aren’t pack or aware of the pack, so we’ll need to avoid them. Once we’re inside, Kirk and I will locate exits in case of emergency. The meeting hall is on the second floor of the warehouse, so windows will be important.” “Meanwhile, Kyle and I will wait for the arrival of Chal and his beta and peacemaker,” Tobias said, glancing at me to make sure I was paying attention. “I had the sense while speaking to him that Chal wants Kyle in his pack for some reason. Hopefully I’m wrong. It’s been a long time since one pack has challenged another over a single member and I’d like it to be longer.” “Why would he want me?” I didn’t care that I wasn’t supposed to speak. The evil alphalord wanted to take me away from Tobias and my friends and I damn sure wanted to know the reason behind it. “I don’t know yet,” Tobias said. “He didn’t tell me straight out. It’s just a feeling I have. Melia attacked you for a reason, you know. She threw that in my face when she and the others petitioned me to leave the pack. She didn’t come right out and say it, but she hinted pretty strongly that she targeted you, waited for you to be outside on a full moon night so she could attack.” The statement hit me like a blow and I saw red. She’d stalked me, waiting to attack me. She’d wanted to kill me instead of just changing me. That fucking bitch had destroyed my entire life and she’d done it on purpose. I clenched my fists and glared at the three of them. “I’m dominant to her, you said. If I see her, I’m damn sure going to prove it.” “You can’t,” Mrs. Frelich said quietly. “The only grounds for challenge in this pack is dominance and you’ve already asserted that. A dominant wolf cannot challenge one who is weaker.”

136 Karenna Colcroft “In this pack,” I repeated. “But Melia isn’t in this pack anymore, is she?” “Calm down, Kyle.” Tobias knelt next to me again and put his arm around me. “I know how you feel. Remember what I told you about how I was changed?” I didn’t want to think about that. Even though the predator who’d attacked Tobias was dead, killed by Tobias himself, I still wanted to murder him for what he’d done to my lover. A few deep breaths de-escalated me from homicidal to merely pissed off. “Okay, fine, so I won’t kill the bitch. What does her decision to change me have to do with why Chal wants me?” “That’s something we won’t find out until the meeting, if then.” Kirk stood. “You’re lowest in the pack now, Kyle, with Melia gone. That won’t last long if you choose to challenge other members for dominance, but meanwhile, it’s the case, and it’s the responsibility of the dominant wolves in a pack to protect the weakest members.” “You aren’t weak,” Tobias said quickly. “You’ve proven that.” His grin told me just how I’d proven it to him and I couldn’t help smiling back. “But according to the way the pack runs, you’re our weakest member because you’re the newest and you haven’t fought for dominance yet.” “I told you I won’t,” I reminded him. “I know you did, and that has to be your choice. Just remember that if a newer member comes into the pack, they’ll be able to challenge you and you won’t have a choice about fighting under those circumstances. That doesn’t just mean someone who’s changed into a wolf. If someone leaves another pack and joins ours, they’re at the bottom of our hierarchy until they fight, regardless of their previous rank. Which means if someone enters the pack under those circumstances, they’ll almost definitely challenge you.” “Let’s call this over,” Mrs. Frelich said wearily. “Friday morning, we meet here at nine. Leave instructions with Suzannah and Frank about managing the pack in our absence and in case

sALAd on the side 137 we don’t return. We’ll head for their meeting place at eleven and arrive when we arrive.” In case we don’t return? That stopped me in my tracks. Nothing in the discussion that I’d paid attention to had indicated they planned on a fight. It was supposed to be just a meeting to talk about why Melia and the others had left our pack and wanted to join the City Pack and to let the City Alpha meet me. No death threats. No fighting. Except I was obviously wrong. The four of us might not return from the meeting. Yeah, I definitely didn’t want to think about that.

ChAPteR tweLve Mrs. Frelich and Kirk left and Tobias went into the kitchen and fixed a sandwich that bulged with meat and cheese. “You don’t have a problem with me being a carnivore, do you?” he teased. “Eat whatever you want, as long as you don’t try to feed it to me.” I moved from the floor to the couch. “Do me a favor.” “What’s that?” He sat beside me and rested one hand on my thigh. His other hand was occupied with the behemoth sandwich. “Even if I ask you questions about that meeting, don’t answer them. I don’t want to know anything more than where and when.” My voice caught. Mrs. Frelich’s words had scared me a whole lot more than I wanted to let on. I’d only been a wolf for a few days. I didn’t know how to shift, or even whether we had the ability to shift without a full moon, though I remembered Tobias saying something about shifting between full moons. Fighting had never been one of my strengths, other than the staged fighting of karate class, which I was actually pretty good at. Somehow I didn’t think that would work too well against angry werewolves. “Don’t worry about what Harriet said.” He kissed my cheek. His breath smelled like ham, salami, and cheese, which wasn’t as unpleasant as I’d expected. “We’re treating this as a meeting between packs; a discussion only. If there’s any aggression, it’ll be on Chal’s side. The fact he agreed to bring only his Beta and peacemaker looks pretty good for us. If he wanted to fight, he probably would have argued for bringing more.” “Yeah. I think I just said I didn’t want to know.” I leaned back and closed my eyes. “You didn’t shower after we fucked.” “I didn’t have a chance. How do you think they all knew about us? I sure didn’t tell them. The nose knows.” He chomped on a bite of sandwich. “You never made it to work.”

140 Karenna Colcroft I shrugged. “Suzannah said she’d spoken with my boss. I really should go in and see him, and I think I’ll do that after my nerves chill out a bit. I’ll ask for the rest of the week off, since I wouldn’t be able to go in Friday anyway.” “I didn’t even think about that.” “What do you do for work?” I turned to look at him more closely. “That day last week when you bought me coffee, you said you were on your way to work. I haven’t seen you go anywhere since.” “Long story short, I own my own company. Computer repairs, mostly. Some web design and stuff.” He jerked his thumb toward his bedroom. “My home set-up is in there and most days I work from here. I have a small office in the city where clients meet with me.” “And Mustang Sally?” “Mostly just for show. I don’t go anywhere.” He finished off the sandwich and stood, his face lit by a gorgeous grin. “Want to take her for a ride?” Anything to forget about the meeting I’d just been forced to attend. “I like that idea.” Before we left, he showered and changed his clothes. Then we hurried outside to the small driveway on the opposite side of his building from the garden. Mustang Sally sat there waiting for us. “You want to drive?” Tobias asked. I shook my head. “I don’t know the area well enough to have the slightest clue where we’re going.” “That’s the point. It’s a mini road trip.” He pushed a button on his keychain and the car’s doors unlocked. “Get in and we’ll see where we end up.” The day had turned very warm, so having the car’s top down came as a welcome relief. Tobias drove carefully through East Boston to the highway, then took the ramp onto the Mass Pike and headed west. At least, that was what the sign told me.

sALAd on the side 141 We didn’t talk as he drove. At highway speeds, the wind noise prevented conversation. The lack of chatter didn’t bother me, though. I was here, in one hell of a sweet car, with the man my heart had decided to fall for without consulting my brain. We were headed for some unknown destination, just the two of us. Nothing else mattered. It took a long time to leave the city completely behind us. Boston’s suburbs and the surrounding area spread over quite a distance from my perspective. After a while, though, nothing lined the highway except trees and occasional glimpses of buildings. He left the highway via a seemingly random off-ramp, leading to another highway heading south toward Rhode Island. I had no idea how much time had passed and I didn’t really care. The dashboard clock was clearly visible, but I chose not to look at it. The freedom of being alone with Tobias like this, alone even though cars whizzed by us and people stared and even waved, wiped any worries about real life right out of my mind. A sign for Cape Cod led us to another off-ramp, which Tobias took. “We just made a hell of a circle,” he said when he slowed for a stop sign at the end of the ramp. “I could have just driven straight here without going through all that.” “Then why didn’t you?” He smiled and patted my leg. “Because then I wouldn’t have been with you as long.” He turned onto the road. “I’m going to take you somewhere I used to go with my family when I was a kid. I’ve never brought anyone else to see it, but I want to bring you. The only thing is; it’s going to be a while before we get there, and it includes a ferry ride. You up for it or do you need to go home for something?” “Why would I need to go home?” I pointed out. “I live alone, my boss is probably ready to kill me, and so are a few shifters I know. Take me wherever you want.” “Oh, I’d love to take you a few places.” His emphasis made the double entendre all too clear and my body responded accordingly. Maybe if I was discreet enough about it, I could suck him off

142 Karenna Colcroft while we drove… He flicked the side of my head with his thumb and forefinger. “Alphas know what their pack is thinking. And I’m much, much closer with you than I am with the rest of the pack. Stop that before you get me all hot and bothered.” “Failing to see that as a problem.” I put my hand on his thigh as close to his crotch as possible without being completely indecent. After all, we were in a convertible. “Does this place you’re taking me to have any secluded spots? Outdoor sex has always been a fantasy of mine.” He laughed. “Unfortunately, not secluded enough for what you have in mind. I think you’ll really like the place, though, once we get there. Just bear with me, because it’s going to be a long drive.” “And the idea of spending more time with you is so reprehensible.” He swatted my hand. “Stop giving me a hard-on and let me drive.” I took my hand off him, though I was very reluctant about doing so, and watched the road. Being this close to him and not being allowed to touch him constituted the worst kind of torture as far as I was concerned. Being tormented like that was actually kind of fun. We crossed a high bridge over what Tobias informed me was the Cape Cod Canal. Since keeping track of directions wasn’t my strong point, I didn’t really pay attention to the roads and turns we took. The scenery was beautiful; old houses, trees, flowers...this was the kind of place I dreamed of living someday. Cities weren’t really my friends. I lived in them out of necessity, since that was where the jobs were. However, I’d grown up in the suburbs, in a nice quiet house on a nice quiet street with a nice quiet park at the other end of it. Even that had been too crowded for me. Occasional flashes of water showed off to the sides of the road and I occupied myself staring out the window. Someday when I hit it big, as if that would ever happen, I would buy a

sALAd on the side 143 home down here. Eventually, Tobias drove up to a ferry terminal. “Told you we’d be going on a boat,” he said as he navigated Sally into a parking spot. He put up the top. “We’re leaving her here. We could take her on the boat, but I’d rather not. There’s a bus we can take at the other end.” I started to ask what other end of what, but decided to keep going with the “let it happen” thing we seemed to have established. I didn’t want to ruin things by asking too many questions. Relaxation was key, especially with the situation we’d left behind in the city. Tobias paid for our tickets and when the boat arrived, we boarded. “We’re going to Martha’s Vineyard,” he told me as he led me up to the deck. “There’s a summer colony there I always loved when I was a kid. You might think it’s kind of corny, but I want to show you.” I smiled. I’d never thought I would want anyone to let me into his life as much as Tobias seemed willing to, but now that he was, my heart swelled at the show of trust it involved. I didn’t think Tobias had opened himself up to very many people. He wouldn’t have dared to, because it might have been seen as weakness. We stood by the railing at the bow of the boat and watched as we sailed away from the terminal. Some of the houses I saw along the shore took my breath away. My parents’ home wasn’t small, but three of it would have fit inside some of the structures here. I turned to Tobias. “Thank you for bringing me here. Just being out on the water, I feel so much calmer already.” “Yeah. It’s always had that effect on me, too.” He brushed my arm with his fingertips, probably the closest he dared to come to touching me in public. Even though I understood his hesitance, especially since he’d never dated a man before, it bothered me. I didn’t want him to be ashamed of me. As he’d done before, he read my mind. “I’m not ashamed you and I are together. I just don’t want to offend anyone or take a chance on anyone hassling us. You hear those horror stories on

144 Karenna Colcroft the news, you know?” “Yeah.” Sooner or later, maybe I’d convince him that people wouldn’t bother us if they figured out we were together. I didn’t mind him not touching me, since I wasn’t a big fan of public displays of affection regardless of the gender of the participants. I’d have to get him over being afraid to touch me in public if we kept dating. If. Yeah, like there was a question. “So you like it down here?” he asked. “Very much,” I replied. “Obviously I’ve heard of Cape Cod, but I didn’t realize it would be anything like this. And of course I’ve heard of Martha’s Vineyard. I’m pretty curious to see what it looks like.” “Beautiful,” he said fervently. The trip took about an hour. When we left the ferry, surrounded by tourists wearing outfits in varying degrees of taste, Tobias led me straight to a nearby waiting bus. It took us to a town called Oak Bluffs. From the stop, I saw a couple houses that looked like old-fashioned gingerbread cottages. “Fairy tale central,” I said. “You haven’t seen the half of it,” he replied, grinning. “Come on.” As we walked through the narrow streets of the town, he worked up the nerve to take my hand. My heart grew even bigger. This was even more trust and love than he’d shown me so far, since plenty of other people were walking around and could see us holding hands. Not that any of them seemed to notice. After a few more turns and narrower streets, we came to the real fairy tale central; an entire neighborhood of gingerbread-style cottages surrounding a large, open space with an amphitheater. “The Oak Bluffs gingerbread cottages,” Tobias said. “It’s actually a camp meeting association. Church is over there.” He pointed at a large yellowish structure. “They have concerts and things in the tabernacle here. Some of these cottages have been in the same families for decades. A lot of them rent them out by the week,

sALAd on the side 145 but the renters have to go by certain rules.” He led me over to a pinkish cottage. “My parents rented this one every summer from before I was born until I was about ten. I loved coming here, even if we did have to follow a bunch of rules. It was the one place I didn’t have to worry about Mom and Dad arguing, because they knew my sisters and me would hear them so they tried to get along. At home, they argued and I always wound up picking up the pieces and comforting whoever’s feelings had been hurt. Or calming my sisters down if they’d overheard it. Here, I didn’t have to be responsible for anything except picking up after myself and being back before dark.” “That must have been nice.” It sounded like Tobias had had to be strong long before he’d become a wolf. “At home, I had to look after my sisters,” he replied. “My older sister is pretty severely autistic and kids in our hometown always made fun of her. Sometimes tried to do stuff to her or say things. I think she understood them, even though she never really showed it. My younger sister, well, she was just younger, so of course I looked after her.” “It must have been hard on you.” “Yeah. But when we came here, I didn’t have to do that. My parents weren’t working, obviously, so they took care of Melinda. And Sherry had friends here and so did I, so we got to hang out and just be kids.” I wondered what his family had done when Tobias disappeared. He’d been fifteen, which meant that his younger sister had still been young enough to need an older brother to take care of her. And if his older sister was as disabled as he’d implied, she would have needed him too. Probably his parents had needed the break Tobias provided. Of course, I didn’t ask. His change was a sensitive topic. He’d brought me here so we could both feel peaceful and calm for a little while and I was damned if I’d spoil that for him. We wandered around a little while, mostly without talking. We didn’t need to say anything. The bond between us strengthened

146 Karenna Colcroft on its own. Just walking beside him gave me a warm, quivery sensation I didn’t even try to put a name to. Next to him was where I belonged. I knew it, and judging from the little glances he gave me when he thought I might not notice, he knew it too. And knew that he belonged with me. Of course, I noticed every single glance. Every hand-bump and smile. And I managed to find a spot on a narrow side street with no one else around where I pushed him against the wall of a salmon-pink store building and kissed him. He didn’t complain. Time telescoped in the way time does when two people who love each other spend it together. It seemed like a year passed as we walked around Oak Bluffs, pointing at the buildings and checking out the touristy shops. If I let my mind wander enough, I almost managed to convince myself we lived here and never had to deal with East Boston or the Boston North Pack again. We couldn’t stay in Oak Bluffs forever, though. Eventually, we headed back to the bus, back to the ferry, back to the mainland. Back to real life. During the drive back to Boston, I leaned back in the passenger seat and closed my eyes. I was exhausted again and pretending to sleep gave me a chance to avoid talking to Tobias about anything serious. He stayed silent, either because he believed my pretense or because he didn’t want to talk either. He parked the Mustang back in the driveway and held my door for me to exit, which made me laugh. I wasn’t used to being much of a gentleman and definitely not to anyone being a gentleman to me. Plus it seemed like something a man would do for a woman, not for another man. I didn’t really mind it, though.

ChAPteR thiRteen We went into Tobias’s apartment. Wonder of wonders, no other pack members interrupted us or ambushed us inside. Evidently now, with the threat we were under, they’d decided to leave us alone. “I want to fuck you again.” Tobias slid his hand down my back and over my ass. “I think once a day is enough, though, don’t you?” “Not really.” I yanked him against me and kissed him deeply. His tongue pushed its way into my mouth before I had a chance to try to do the same to him. It didn’t matter whose tongue made the first move. Our tongues swirled around each other like they were happy to see each other and Tobias’s hand cupped my cheek. Mine cupped his ass. That wonderfully tight ass. Just thinking about being inside him again brought my cock from zero to rock hard in less than thirty seconds. “My bed’s probably a mess,” he murmured when we broke the kiss. “I don’t even remember when I slept in it last.” “When was the last time you slept?” He’d certainly been wide awake at my house. “I don’t know.” He paused, head tilted. “I think it was the night before Melia bit you.” I stared at him. “You haven’t slept in five days?” I thought it was five. I’d kind of lost count. “Shifters don’t need as much sleep as regular humans.” He yawned. “We do need some, though. Come to bed with me, Kyle. If we fuck, we fuck. If we sleep, we sleep. It doesn’t matter. I’m just not ready for you to leave yet.” He led me into his room. As he’d predicted, the bed was a mess. The fitted sheet had been pulled halfway off the mattress

148 Karenna Colcroft and a blue plaid comforter was crumpled to one side of it. A pile of dirty clothes sat in the corner of the room. Obviously a bachelor’s room. Mine had been known to look that way fairly frequently too. But once in a while, at least, I made the attempt to clean up. He looked embarrassed. “If I’d thought about it, I would have cleaned before bringing you in here. Having the entire pack meeting in my living room kind of made me forget what the rest of the place looked like. Plus I don’t usually have people in my bedroom.” “Seems like a good place to have people.” He wasn’t the only one who could make double entendres. He laughed. “You’re the only one I want to have, Kyle. Past is past. You and I, well, I don’t know about future, but we’re present.” “Then let me unwrap you.” He was trying to be serious, I knew, but I couldn’t resist the opening for a bad joke. And I didn’t want serious right then. Talking about relationships and love and all that shit had to wait, because there was no point in discussing any of it until we saw what happened at the meeting with the other pack. Which reminded me of a question. I hadn’t wanted to ask while we’d been on our road trip and didn’t really want to ask now. Curiosity got the better of me. “Why Friday morning? Why not tomorrow?” Even though I wasn’t very specific, Tobias immediately knew what I meant. “Time to prepare. Chal will want to check out Melia, Katrine, and Dougal. I don’t only mean talking to me and maybe other pack members about them. Knowing him, he’ll run criminal background checks on every single one of them.” “Werewolves go high-tech, huh?” I flopped onto my back on the bed. “I don’t mean to bring us down by talking about this again. I just want to understand. Come here and lie down with me while we talk, and as soon as my dumb curiosity shuts up, we’ll already be in the right position.” “For what?” he asked innocently.

sALAd on the side 149 “Sleep.” I stuck out my tongue. “Now come here.” He kicked off his shoes and yanked mine off, then lay down and curled against me. “Criminal background checks have become pretty essential for new pack prospects,” he explained. “If a shifter who may not have the best control anyway has already been convicted of a violent crime, no pack will want them. They’re too unpredictable. Dougal does have a record, but he was sentenced to probation. Killed a man he caught raping a little girl. The jury convicted him of the lightest charge they were allowed and the judge didn’t really have the heart to sentence him to jail time.” “Still violent, though.” Which explained the vibes I’d gotten from Dougal the moment I’d met him. Maybe the crime he’d committed had come from the best intentions. That didn’t make him anywhere near sane or stable as far as I was concerned. Our pack didn’t need anyone like him. No pack did, though of course that wasn’t my decision to make. “Yeah, he does have that tendency. To be honest, I took him into the pack because I thought it would be better to keep an eye on him. I do all right with the violent ones. They usually settle down around me.” No surprise there. Tobias’s human personality seemed like it would have that effect, especially after what he’d told me about dealing with his parents’ arguments as a kid. The magic that accompanied alphahood would only add impact to a skill he already had. “Okay, so Chal wanted time to run background checks and talk to other members of our pack,” I said. “You’re going to let him do that?” “It’s his right as the Alpha of the petitioned pack.” He rested his head on my shoulder. “He needs to know what he’s getting. As long as none of my pack are threatened or forced to give information, he’s allowed to ask. He’s playing this like we are a completely separate pack from his and I appreciate that. Truthfully he doesn’t have to extend us any courtesy, since as far

150 Karenna Colcroft as the other packs are concerned we’re under Chal’s rule.” Politics. Even among creatures that shouldn’t have existed outside fiction, politics ruled everything. I stroked his hair. “And we’re already prepared, in your mind?” “I don’t know. You’re the one I’m most worried about. You can’t be challenged for dominance, but rules are different between packs than within them. From what Chal told me, the reason they gave him for requesting to join his pack is that you’ve caused upheaval in ours and may be seen as grounds for challenge.” “I won’t fight, any more than I fought Melia.” I didn’t like to fight. If it came to it, I’d just lie down and let the wolves stomp me. I wasn’t so much a pacifist as a coward. “If they issue a fair challenge, you won’t have a choice,” Tobias said quietly. “That’s the rule. All fair challenges must be answered and if Chal declares it fair we have no choice.” “And what happens if I refuse?” I demanded. No one would make me fight if I didn’t want to. Not even if Tobias tried to compel me, which wouldn’t work anyway. Even to keep up the appearance that he controlled me as much as the rest of the pack, I wouldn’t fight. “You’ll be killed,” he said flatly. “Laws are laws, Kyle. I can’t change them and neither can you.” Stunned, I for once had nothing to say. No wisecrack, no argument, nothing. What kind of animals killed someone for refusing to get their ass kicked in a fight? Oh, right, werewolves. Tobias sniffled. I reached over to touch his face and my fingers came away wet. Knowing he’d begun to cry almost started me, but I reined myself in. No way would I cry in front of another man unless I had a really, really good reason. Right then, I didn’t. I didn’t quite know what to do about his tears either, so I just tightened my arms around him and kept quiet. I dozed off for a little while. At least, I was pretty sure I did. The room had darkened when I opened my eyes again, though

sALAd on the side 151 that might have had more to do with the drapes over the windows than with the movement of the sun. Tobias still lay in my arms, his even breathing indicating that he, too, had fallen asleep. Moving would have awakened him, so I stayed put. This had always been my least favorite part of sharing a bed with a partner for anything other than sex; the silence of sleep and the awkwardness of trying to decide whether to stay or leave. With Tobias, though, it didn’t seem awkward. His body belonged against mine, regardless of the reason it was there. And I definitely didn’t want to leave. More than anything, I wanted this moment to last. Just the two of us lying in bed together, touching without anything sexual behind it. Hiding from the rest of the world. No stress, no interruptions, just us. Something I’d never imagined would even be possible let alone dreaming I’d want it. With Tobias, I desired it so strongly I almost convinced myself it was the case. He stirred. “You awake?” “Yeah.” I kissed his forehead. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to conk out on you.” “No problem. Gave me a chance to sleep too.” He looked up at me and yawned a smile. “Did you have enough rest?” “Depends on what I need the rest for.” “I think you know.” Suddenly, he rolled over and straddled me. His ass sat tantalizingly on my cock, which immediately rose to the occasion. I pushed up against him and he laughed. “Yeah, you know what you needed to rest for all right. You’re hard as a fucking rock.” “Rocks don’t fuck,” I pointed out. I tried to roll us over so I could be on top. Tobias pinned my arms to the mattress to prevent me from moving. “Not this time, pal. I’m running this show.” “You’ve fucked a man once,” I said. “I’ve done it—” Probably not a good idea to tell my new lover how many other times and how many other men I’d had. “More than that,” I finished. “I

152 Karenna Colcroft have more experience therefore I should be in the lead.” “Yeah, right.” He kissed me and then bit my lip just hard enough to hurt. I yelped. “That’s what I think about that.” “You asshole!” I smacked his arm. He just laughed. “Yeah, yeah, funny guy.” “I thought so.” He wriggled against me in the most delightful way and my cock became even harder. If he thought he had control over the situation, he’d have another think coming if he kept that up. Maybe he was stronger than me, but never underestimate the power of a horny man. Smiling smugly, eyes gleaming, he rose onto his feet, now straddling me while standing. Keeping his gaze right on me, he toyed with the waistband of his pants. “Should I take these off, Kyle? Or should I make you suffer longer?” “You’re standing on a very soft mattress,” I replied. “Not a very steady place to stand. I could easily knock you down and fuck your brains out.” “I’d like to see you try.” He winked. “I mean it. I’d really like to see that.” I grabbed his leg and yanked. Somehow, some superhuman— or superwolf—balancing skills kept him on his feet. Damn Alpha was a hell of a lot stronger than me, obviously. That didn’t mean I’d give up, though. I yanked his other leg, which had no affect either, then pushed him away from me. He staggered, but still didn’t fall. Instead, he put his hands on his hips and laughed at me. I slid up the bed so I’d be able to sit up without slamming my head into his crotch. Once I was sitting instead of lying down, I had better leverage to tackle him. I wrapped my arms around his knees and shook him until he toppled forward. His hands on my shoulders braced him, until I abruptly lay down again. He fell on top of me, laughing so hard the bed shook, and rolled us over the way I’d wanted to in the first place. Me on top, him underneath, grinning up at me with such deep lust and love

sALAd on the side 153 in his eyes I almost teared up, sappy or not. After the day we’d spent together, and napping beside one another, I didn’t care if I was sappy about him. He and I belonged together. Maybe it was some weird mating thing like I’d read about with shifters, where they instantly recognize their mate and have to be with that person whether they want to or not. Maybe it was just that he was the first guy I’d met who appealed to me on more than a purely physical level. Even the long-term relationships I’d had had been built on physical attraction, and now that I thought about it, probably had a lot to do with why they hadn’t lasted. Tobias and I would last. I stared down into his eyes. Something must have shown in my expression, because he immediately sobered and pulled me down to him for a soft, tender kiss. “I know,” he whispered. “Believe me, Kyle, I know.” “A male Alpha can’t have a male mate.” Another piece of random information. This one didn’t have the echo of another voice and the ring of truth that the others had, though. Maybe I’d just read it in one of those stupid books. It sounded right, though. I didn’t think other wolves would look too favorably on a male Alpha who mated with another guy. “Mates don’t have a whole lot to do with gender. I mean, usually mates form a hetero couple, but that doesn’t have to be the case.” He paused. “Although most other wolves, including most of the pack, would probably disagree with me.” He enfolded me in his arms, even though lying on top of him the way I was I had to be crushing him. Then again, his physical strength was so much that probably a sumo wrestler could have laid on him and not crushed him. “We don’t know what causes the mating bond,” he murmured. “Only the results. I knew the first time I saw you, Kyle. I tried to deny it, tried to stay away from you because I believed I couldn’t have a male mate and because I didn’t want you in danger. But I knew.” I closed my eyes. No matter how romantic and sappy the

154 Karenna Colcroft moment became, I was damned if I would let it bring me to tears. Just because no one, even the men who had said they loved me, had ever said anything like this to me before was no reason to be all emotional and shit. He kissed my temple. Not a kiss to arouse me or remind me of what we’d been doing before the mate thing hit me, just a tender, comforting kiss, reminding me that he was there. That whatever I felt, he felt too. Which of course made perfect sense if we really were mates and not just a couple of horny guys who picked the most attractive other man in the neighborhood. Yeah, I had a pretty decent opinion of my looks. For a while, we just lay there together. Feeling his body against mine didn’t arouse me for a change, though of course desire underlay everything else. Foremost in my mind, though, was the knowledge whether I fought it or not, no matter what I’d always believed, or how many times I’d told myself I wouldn’t find anyone to spend my life with, I’d fallen in love with Tobias. I didn’t really mind the idea. After a while, my body remembered what we’d planned to do before I’d gone maudlin. My cock had gone soft while I sorted through the emotions. Now, with Tobias’s body under me, it came back to life. Tobias kissed the side of my neck and cupped my ass. “Better?” “I was fine to begin with.” I propped myself on my hands so I could look down at him. “Very fine.” “Yes, you are.” He slipped a hand between us to rub my cock. “I think this is pretty damn fine, too. Do you want to fuck me, Kyle?” Of course I did. He shouldn’t have even needed to ask. Though one thing put a slight crimp in my lust. “Do you have lube? Because I’m not going to even try fucking you without it.” “Second drawer of the nightstand.” He grinned. “Lube has other uses besides letting you fuck my ass. I always have some around.”

sALAd on the side 155 I decided I really didn’t want to know anything about those other uses. I dismounted and rolled to the side of the bed to reach his nightstand. Suddenly, Tobias grabbed me from behind and wrestled me back into the position in which we’d started: Him straddling me, rubbing his ass on my cock, with my arms pinned so I couldn’t move. “I’ll get the lube.” He brought my wrists together above my head and held them with one hand. Leaning over, he managed to open the drawer and grope for the lube without taking his eyes off me or even appearing off-balance. I had to wonder whether being a werewolf would make me anywhere near that graceful and in command of my own body. Since I never had been before, somehow I doubted being changed would have much effect. Triumphantly, he took a small bottle out of the drawer and dropped it onto my hands. “I could fuck your ass this time,” he mused. “I don’t know if I want to, though. I liked being on the receiving end.” “Works for me. I prefer topping.” He looked confused for a moment then burst out laughing. “You know, when you say that I want to ask if you mean whipped cream or hot fudge.” I cracked up. Leave it to him to take it that way. Vocabulary didn’t matter. The point was that we were going to have sex. My cock would slide into his sweet ass again and depending on how good it felt, we might wind up moving the bed across the floor just from fucking. If he let me go long enough for us to lube up, that was. Tobias gave me an evil grin. He knew exactly what I had on my mind and had no intention of making it easy for me. “You want me?” he whispered. The words and his tone sent shivers down my spine. “Work for it.” “Challenge?” I teased. He shook his head, immediately serious. “Not for play. Not

156 Karenna Colcroft ever. If you even say that word it has to be done, and believe me when I say you’re not up to challenging me for dominance. I’d have to kill you if you tried and I don’t ever want to do that.” Shivering, I stared up at him. He meant every word. Any challenge for dominance was met with a fight and if the challenge was for Alpha, the fight had to be to the death. The pack—any pack—wouldn’t allow two wolves dominant enough to be Alpha to live. One had to die and it didn’t matter whether the challenger or the Alpha survived. The point was that there could only be one. “I didn’t mean it,” I whispered, suddenly frightened. “I’d never challenge you to fight for real. You’re the Alpha, and whatever I am, I’m not strong enough to beat you.” “I know.” He rested his hand on my cheek. “Kyle, I know you were playing. I like being playful with you. But you can’t be playful with that word. Promise.” “I promise.” I exhaled a deep breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “Kyle.” He spoke my name softly. “Don’t be afraid of me, okay? Unless you do something stupid, I’ll never hurt you. You have my word on that.” “Okay.” He moved off me and lay beside me. “Did I kill the mood?” “You just told me you’d have to kill me if I ever tried to fight you. What do you think?” I turned toward him and yanked him against me. “Let’s play a game, Tobias. Let’s pretend that we aren’t werewolves, you aren’t the Alpha, and we’re just normal guys who have some pretty strong feelings for each other and want to fuck. Can we do that for a while?” “Yeah.” He unfastened my pants, reached inside, and wrapped his hand around my dick, which, despite having softened again from fear, immediately perked back up at his touch. “I think we can.” He stroked me with a gentle hand and I moaned and lay back so I could see the wonder in his expression. “Your cock feels so soft,” he murmured.

sALAd on the side 157 “I hope it isn’t soft,” I said. “It just got hard again.” It twitched in his hand He squeezed me. “You know what I mean.” “It feels the same as your cock.” I’d touched both enough now to have a basis for comparison. “Yeah, but it’s different.” He licked the tip of my dick and I shivered, hoping he’d do more with his mouth. He didn’t, but he kept stroking me. “Touching you is different from touching myself. It’s different from anything I’ve ever done. Being with you is amazing, Kyle.” “Mmm.” With his hand around my cock, I couldn’t think of anything more to say. The physical feel of his hand on me was only part of what left me speechless. Each second of contact between us deepened our bond. Deepened the feelings I had for him. I looked at the man that only days before I’d considered a hopeless crush and realized I loved him. He looked into my eyes and I saw my own emotions reflected there. it.”

“Amazing,” he repeated softly. “I don’t know how to describe “Then don’t.” I sat up and kissed him. “Don’t talk.”

For a second he stared at me, eyes narrowed. Right. Alphas didn’t take orders from lower wolves. Except in bed, we weren’t Alpha and lower wolf, we were Tobias and Kyle. We were mates, no matter how strange that word sounded in my head. In his eyes, I saw the realization dawn and he smiled and groped around the pillow for the lube, which had fallen from my hand somewhere along the line. When he retrieved it, he held up the bottle, rising onto his knees so I wouldn’t be able to reach it. This time, when I tackled him, he let me knock him to the mattress. We scuffled for the lube, snatching it from each other and wrestling for the bottle and for the upper hand, so to speak. I managed to pin him for about five seconds, then he rolled us over and held my shoulders against the mattress while he kissed his way down my chest and abdomen. Of course, I hadn’t had

158 Karenna Colcroft a chance to take off my shirt yet, but that didn’t seem to bother him. And I was barely aware of the clothing between his lips and my skin. Each time he touched his lips to me, I shuddered in delight. My desire for him grew with each second. The desire to make love to my mate. When he reached the waistband of my pants, he yanked them off, along with my boxers. “So hard,” he murmured, stroking my cock again. “Don’t talk,” I reminded him. “I could be offended by that.” He stuck his tongue out at me then used it on the head of my dick. I cried out at the contact. Despite the serious discussions which had interrupted our action, my cock hadn’t stopped wanting him. Neither had I, of course. He slid his mouth down over my shaft, taking nearly all of it between his lips, and used one hand to toy with my balls. I wouldn’t let myself come in his mouth, but damn did I want to. His mouth felt so good on me; warm and wet and moving just right. Fire raced through me, peaking at my cock but filling my entire body. If Tobias had been able to touch me everywhere at once, I would have wanted him to; to feel his fingers and lips on my bare skin, to give him as much pleasure as I took from him. I needed to be inside him. If I let him continue sucking me, I would come far too soon and where I didn’t want to. I grasped a handful of his hair and tugged. “Stop.” With his lips still around my shaft, he looked up at me questioningly. I tugged his hair again, harder this time, and he released me. During our wrestling match, the lube had ended up under my shoulder. I squirmed out of his grasp and picked up the bottle to squirt some of the stuff onto one of my hands. With the other hand, I smacked Tobias’s hip. He took the hint and stood on the bed again to strip out of his clothes. I lay with my hands held out to my sides, watching him

sALAd on the side 159 reveal his gorgeous body to me. The body that belonged to me. I’d never been particularly possessive of my lovers and I didn’t really feel possessive of Tobias. He belonged to me because we belonged to each other. Completely nude, he got onto his hands and knees beside me and turned to give me access to his ass. I rubbed my hands together to warm the lube then spread copious amounts on the soft skin around his hole and inside the tight entrance. He moaned softly and pressed back against my hand and I teased him with my finger for a few seconds before I lubed my cock. I wanted to make this experience at least as pleasurable for him as the first. Preferably more so. When I thought I’d sufficiently lubed us, I nudged him onto his back. He complied with a puzzled look, then smiled happily as I grasped his legs and brought them up against my chest. “You’re flexible, right?” I asked. The only other guy I’d tried this position with had been a yoga instructor. As a human pretzel, he’d been able to fuck in positions I’d never even imagined. I didn’t know whether Tobias had enough flexibility, but with his innate strength I suspected he’d be able to handle whatever position I put him in. He nodded and put his hand over his mouth, reminding me I’d told him not to speak. I grinned at the rush of power running through me. Everywhere else, he was the Alpha. Here, I had control. Pretty fucking hot. “That’s good,” I said. “If I fuck you like this, I can play with your dick while I’m inside you.” I put my cock against his opening and slowly pressed forward. He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply, then relaxed. Entering him was easier this time since he knew what to expect and I’d used more lube. Once I was in, I stayed still for a moment, savoring the tightness around my cock. I couldn’t be still long, though. Our foreplay, the bond between us, the realization that somewhere along the line lust had become love all made it impossible for me not to take him entirely. Just being in him, feeling the pressure of his channel while I looked down at him impaled on me, his own

160 Karenna Colcroft cock strong against his belly, almost made me come on the spot. Mrs. Turcotte’s house dress, I reminded myself. No way would I let myself climax until I’d done everything in my power to get Tobias off. I tapped his cheek with a finger. “Open your eyes. I want to see you while I fuck you.” When he did, the primal lust in his gaze caught me by surprise. Yeah, I was having sex with a werewolf, but I’d never realized how close to the fore the wolf part could actually be while the shifter remained in human form. Then again, lust and sex are pretty animalistic anyway, even between normal humans, so it shouldn’t have surprised me. Right about then, I decided I overanalyzed things way too much and told my brain to shut up. Gazing into Tobias’s eyes, I felt a new bond form, like a thick cord joining us, stronger and more enduring than the last. My heart and soul reached for his and his embraced mine as tangibly as his arms had held me earlier I began thrusting in and out of him in a languid rhythm. Right now wasn’t about fucking him hard and making us both come, even though it had been my original intent. Seeing what lay in his eyes, the lust and power and beneath them, love and pain and many things I couldn’t name, I wanted to make love to the man. As before, the bond built, growing stronger as we moved together and looked into each other’s eyes. That whole “eyes are the mirrors of the soul” thing suddenly made total sense to me. Bodies joined, we saw into each other’s souls. That didn’t last long, though. We both wanted the connection, but we wanted release too, and me slowly moving my cock in and out of him wasn’t getting us there. So I sped up and he thrust against me, matching my rhythm perfectly. An explosion built inside me and I focused all my thoughts on wanting Tobias to come first this time. I rubbed his dick and he moaned softly and raised his hips to meet my hand. Gripping his cock firmly, I stroked in time with my thrusts

sALAd on the side 161 in and out of him. His breath caught a few times, only to be released on loud exhales that sounded as though he’d almost forgotten how to breathe. His cock twitched in my hand and my own balls tightened in response. He reached up and touched my balls. Lightly, just with a fingertip, but that did it. All my resolve to make him come first went straight out the window and the orgasm crashed down on me like a brick wall. I shouted out Tobias’s name as my dick pulsed, sending fluids into him. The explosion set me on fire, which flew over my skin, leaving me unable to feel anything except the intense, consuming pleasure emanating from the place where Tobias’s and my bodies joined. He groaned loudly and something liquid landed on my hand. I barely noticed, except for a small glow of triumph at having made him come. Breathing heavily, I remained still inside him while aftershocks of my climax shook me. He bucked and shuddered beneath me and finally fell limp against the mattress. When I thought I’d regained enough control of my limbs to move without falling over, I carefully withdrew from him and lay beside him on the opposite side from the small puddle he’d left. “You might want to wash your sheet afterward,” I said, gasping several times within the sentence. His hand flopped beside him and he made a face when he touched the mess. “Yeah, I guess I will. Damn if it wasn’t worth it, though.” He looked at me. “I think I felt you come. I don’t just mean physically. Everything you felt, I felt.” “Yeah.” I hadn’t realized it before, but he was right. We’d shared the experience completely; minds, bodies, everything. Mating bond, Kyle. Whether you’re ready for it or not. Pounding on the front door of the apartment kept me from speaking the thought. Tobias immediately pushed me aside and leapt out of bed. “Shit. I need a fucking shower and that may not happen.” “Does shifting clean you up?” I asked, only half facetiously. I’d read something about that somewhere.

162 Karenna Colcroft “Not from sex.” He yanked on a pair of gym shorts without underwear and bent to give me a tender kiss. “I love you.” “I love you too.” As the automatic response left my lips, I realized just how deeply I meant it. “Go shower and get dressed, then meet me in the living room. Whatever’s going on, I promise you I won’t leave till you’re there.” Without waiting for a response, he hurried out of the room. I obeyed, not because of any compulsion but because I didn’t want to face whoever was out there smelling like sex and Tobias. Some members of the pack had enough issue with me without my rubbing it in their faces. Of course, to reach the bathroom I had to leave the bedroom. I very carefully didn’t look toward the living room and I tuned out the raised voices filtering down the hall. Cleaned up, I felt much more ready to face an irritable pack. When I walked into the living room, though, I didn’t see any anger or irritation on the faces of Tobias, Mrs. Frelich, and Kirk. Only fear and anxiety. Mrs. Frelich stood when I entered the room. “The City Pack has decided not to wait, it seems. They’ve taken Suzannah.”

ChAPteR fouRteen Stunned, I started to sit in one of the chairs, until I remembered the rule. Lowest in pack, lowest seating. So I dropped onto the floor instead and stared up at Mrs. Frelich. “What do you mean, they’ve taken her?” “What the hell do you think she means?” Kirk snapped. For the first time, I realized his interest in Suzannah went beyond being members of the same pack. Fury and terror twisted his features and made his eyes glow orange. It was a pretty big clue about just how deeply his feelings for Suzannah ran. Maybe they were even mates. I didn’t know enough to guess about that. “Kidnapped.” Tobias’s calm voice belied the tension vibrating in the air surrounding him. If anything, he was more upset and concerned than Kirk, with good reason. The other pack’s deliberate taking of one of our members was a direct hit to Tobias’s skills as an Alpha, the wolf who was supposed to protect all pack members no matter the cost. The City Pack had just proven him unable to do that. “How do we know that’s what really happened?” I asked, desperately seeking some way to make this better. “Maybe she just went to the store or something.” “They left a message.” Grim-faced, Mrs. Frelich held up a chunk of hair. Suzannah’s hair. I supposed we should be glad the other pack had cut off something that would grow back. “Along with a note telling us that they’ve taken her as insurance against us planning an attack for the meeting tomorrow.” “We have to get her back,” Kirk snarled. “The City Pack cannot get away with this, Tobias. They entered our territory maliciously and stole one of our members.” “They won’t get away with it,” Tobias replied wearily. “But we can’t just barge in there operating on emotion, Kirk. That would pretty much guarantee failure. Strategy, my friend.”

164 Karenna Colcroft “I’m not your goddamn friend.” The other shifter stood so abruptly the armchair he’d been sitting in nearly toppled backward. “You did this, Tobias. The whole fucking thing would never have happened if you hadn’t used your power to make us protect him.” He gestured toward me. “Bad enough a human moved into the middle of our territory, but to have our Alpha force us to protect said human?” Tobias rose slowly from his chair. “He isn’t human anymore thanks to Melia. Even if he were, I had reason for my order.” He took a ragged breath. “He’s my mate.” From the sudden explosion of noise and protests in the room an onlooker might have thought the entire pack was there instead of just two other members. Tobias’s announcement caught Kirk and Mrs. Frelich off guard, but it astonished me as well. I didn’t think he’d ever admit it. From what Tobias said before, it looked like claiming a same-gender mate would be a sketchy thing for any shifter. For the Alpha to do so…well, I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would mean. “Do you know what you’re saying?” Mrs. Frelich demanded. “Do you have any idea what you’ve just claimed?” “I’ve just claimed my mate.” Tobias’s voice was stronger now. “My mate, Harriet. You know I thought I’d found a mate before, but this—this is different. Something in me recognized Kyle the moment I saw him. And I claim him now, in front of my Beta and my Peacekeeper, so that it is known in the pack.” The last sentence had a ring of formality that made me think it was more than just an argument with the other two wolves. Almost like a wedding vow. He was letting everyone, not just the people in this room, know I belonged to him. Even though I had a pretty good idea of the effect that would have on the pack, I felt warmed clear through by his willingness to make the announcement. “An Alpha cannot have a male mate,” Kirk said, voice tight. “I can see and smell that you’re sincere, Tobias, but there are rules. There has never been an Alpha with a male mate and you know

sALAd on the side 165 the prejudices many of the other Alphas in the region hold. They would see this as even more weakness than if you chose a female. You and Kyle love each other and as a human I have no problem with that. As your beta, though…” He trailed off without finishing the sentence, but his meaning was clear. As Tobias’s beta, if he believed the pack was in danger it would be his duty to challenge Tobias for dominance. And it would be a fight to the death. Even though he might not be strong enough to defeat Tobias, if Tobias had to kill his own Beta the entire pack structure would be weakened and other packs might see the opportunity to try to take over. Pretty much like the City Pack was doing now. “I understand.” Tobias put his hand on Kirk’s shoulder. “Do what you have to do, Beta. But let’s get our pack member home safely first.” “Agreed,” Kirk snapped. “How many others know about this?” Tobias turned to Mrs. Frelich. “Who saw Suzannah taken?” “Frank,” she replied. “No one else to my knowledge. We need to tell them, Alpha. They will notice her absence and being informed at the beginning will frighten them less than finding out accidentally.” “Besides, we’ll need them if we have any hope of recovering her,” Kirk added. “They’ll fight, you know they will. This is a trap, Tobias.” “All the more reason why we shouldn’t let the entire pack know.” Tobias rubbed his cheek. “If we tell them, they’ll all want to pile into the City Pack’s territory and storm the castle, so to speak. We’ll lose people. Some of our members are not strong enough to stand up in a fight against that pack and I’m sure Chal and his advisors know it. They’ve taken our strongest wolf who isn’t in the direct power structure and they did it for a reason. Suzannah wasn’t a random choice.” That news sank in like an anvil in a pond. Barely any ripples, but you could tell it had a major effect. It hadn’t occurred to

166 Karenna Colcroft me until Tobias mentioned Suzannah’s strength, but she was definitely among the more dominant members of the pack. She chose to use her skills for healing rather than power struggles, which was why she sat outside the hierarchy to a degree. She’d been the first to befriend me when I moved in. Always smiling, always soothing hurt feelings. During the pack meetings I’d had the misfortune to attend, she’d been the one trying to smooth things over, even though Mrs. Frelich was officially peacekeeper. Chal’s pack had taken the pack’s heart. I swore to myself and tried to focus on what the others were saying. Of course, that only annoyed me. Here we go again with the talking to death. All they were doing was making plans about how to infiltrate the City Pack’s territory to recover Suzannah without being caught, which sounded like a smart thing to do. The more they talked, though, the less they actually got done. Finally I stood, forgetting the rule about not standing during meetings. I didn’t think this really counted as a meeting anyway, since it was only the three dominants and me. “Give me the phone.” All three of them stared at me with withering looks that had no effect on me whatsoever. “We’re in the middle of important pack business,” Tobias said slowly. Kind of like he was talking to an idiot, which he probably thought I was for wanting to make a phone call at this exact moment. “Can’t it wait?” “Nope.” Since no one seemed inclined to hand me a phone, I walked over to the kitchen counter and picked up a cell phone sitting there. I neither knew nor cared which of the wolves it belonged to. I found a number for the labeled ‘City Pack’ in the contacts list. Technology. It’s a wonderful thing. “What are you doing?” Kirk stomped over behind me. “That’s my phone!” “Interesting how you have the City Pack’s number saved, then,” I said. Tobias and Mrs. Frelich walked over. “The beta maintains

sALAd on the side 167 communication with the other packs,” Tobias said. “He’s within his responsibility to have the numbers of all the neighboring packs.” “Well, then, let’s use it and tell them to give Suzannah back.” I poised my finger over the dial button, but before I managed to press it, Kirk snatched the phone out of my hands. “You’re overstepping your bounds, Kyle,” he told me coldly. “You’re lowest pack member and you shouldn’t even be part of this discussion.” “Except this is a blatant attack on us because of Kyle,” Mrs. Frelich said. “Beta, give him the phone. This is probably one of the stupidest things anyone’s ever done, but it’s better than barging in there and risking the lives of our members.” Kirk and Tobias both blinked at her. Dominant wolves apparently were all about fighting and bashing things and not so hot in the problem-solving skills area. They probably hadn’t even considered calling Chal and his pack to find out what the hell was going on. Suzannah had been kidnapped. I didn’t doubt that. Mrs. Frelich said her husband had seen it happen. I was more than a little curious about why Frank hadn’t done anything to stop it if he’d witnessed it. I decided for the moment to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he’d just realized he was outnumbered and chose to report what he’d seen rather than getting the shit beaten out of him. We didn’t know why or by whom she’d been kidnapped, though. Chal had just spoken with Tobias that morning. They’d arranged a meeting to discuss our pack members who’d bailed and probably to discuss the whole Alpha-loving-another-guy issue, which I was sure the other pack knew about by now. Why would he have contacted Tobias and arranged a big, formal meeting if he planned to have his crew kidnap one of our wolves? Tobias was studying me intently and I knew he’d picked up on some of my thoughts. Alpha mind tricks or mate bond, I didn’t know which had given him access to my brain and at this point it didn’t really matter. The point was he knew what I was thinking and it had stopped him from taking off to confront someone

168 Karenna Colcroft who might not need to be confronted. “Say it,” he urged. “I didn’t understand all of it and the other two can’t hear you.” Mrs. Frelich looked puzzled. “Hear what? Tobias, you and he share thoughts?” “It seems to be a one-way thing right now, but yeah.” Tobias turned back to me. “Kyle.” “Chal had three of our former pack members petition him to join his pack,” I said. “Makes sense. They left because of me, mostly, I think. Melia was pissed that Tobias likes me better than her and Dougal has a thing for Melia, so he’d do whatever she said. Don’t know Katrine well enough to figure out her motivation, but it doesn’t really matter right now.” “None of it does,” Kirk snapped. “What matters is getting Suzannah back from those assholes.” I held up a hand. “I’m getting to that. Chal contacted Tobias. Not to confront him or threaten him or anything, but to schedule a meeting between Alphas, with back up and with me for some reason.” “Because he knows your place in Tobias’s life,” Mrs. Frelich said. “The defectors told him about Tobias’s orders regarding you.” “So he wants to meet the gay guy the Boston North Alpha’s chosen as mate to make sure I’m not weakening anyone’s power structure.” Something occurred to me. It didn’t make a whole lot of sense, but I went with it: “Because if Boston North’s power structure is weakened, it creates a chain reaction which weakens all the packs. The packs don’t have to be in competition, even though some are. All of them are fundamentally interconnected and what affects one pack affects all.” Their jaws dropped, kind of like if a three-year-old suddenly recited the complete works of Shakespeare. That alone told me I was right. “What does that have to do with Suzannah?” Kirk demanded finally.

sALAd on the side 169 “Same thing.” Pushing past them, I started pacing around the small kitchen. I could only go a couple steps in any given direction, but even that helped. I thought best when I was moving. “Taking Suzannah weakens our power structure. She isn’t in the direct power line, but that’s only because she chooses not to be, isn’t it? She’s dominant enough and strong enough to challenge anyone, maybe even Tobias, but she’d rather be a healer and let the power go to those who want it.” Tobias nodded. “She and I’ve spoken about it. She could be an Alpha if she wanted. She’s that powerful. Most packs won’t accept a female Alpha, though. Some wolves are a hundred years or more old and they haven’t managed to embrace the whole ‘women are equal’ thing. They believe leaders should be male. I think a couple packs out west have female Alphas, but for the most part, most packs believe the Alpha must be male. So her only chance would be to mate with a male Alpha and share pack rule with him. She’d rather not do that.” I didn’t blame her. From what I knew about Suzannah, I couldn’t see her letting herself be second to anyone just to have power over others. By choosing not to assert her power within our pack, she’d demonstrated just how powerful she truly was. “Chal wouldn’t do that,” Mrs. Frelich said slowly. “He values his power far too much to risk it on making a point we might not even take. He’d want us to maintain our strength, because otherwise his pack would be weakened either by having to take over our territory or by having to defend it against other packs.” “I thought he wanted our territory,” I said. “Not at the cost of spreading himself too thin,” Tobias replied. “Kyle, I don’t know where these bits of information come from with you, but I’m damn glad they show up. I think you’re right. Chal might want to challenge me for territory and he’d be within his rights to do it. He would do it fairly, though. Not like this.” “Chal’s pack took Suzannah,” Kirk snapped. “That’s fact. Frank saw them take her.”

170 Karenna Colcroft “Frank saw members of the City Pack take Suzannah,” Tobias agreed. “He didn’t see who ordered them to take her. We have no way of knowing whether they acted on Chal’s command or on their own. Or even under the command of someone else.” Some of Tobias’s own pack had left him because they hadn’t liked the way he ran things. Regardless of the power an Alpha had, clearly it didn’t mean they had total control of their pack. Not in everything. Only a true dictator would take away free will and I didn’t think any Alpha who tried that would last long. Their own pack wouldn’t be able to stop them, but other packs would. Tobias nodded. “An Alpha who took away all choice from his members would be destroyed by the other Alphas. Alphas are leaders, not dictators, no matter what you think of me when I use compulsion.” He winked at me. “Melia, Dougal, and Katrine had the freedom to leave. They could have done so without even asking me, but they chose to come to me because they wanted to rub my face in their decision.” “And they thought they needed permission.” Melia hadn’t been a shifter long, from what I’d been told. “How long have Dougal and Katrine been in the pack?” “Katrine’s new to shifting,” Kirk replied. “She was changed about the same time as Melia, though not by any of our pack. Tobias found her wandering the streets and took her in. Dougal’s older than I am wolf-wise and was a member of a different pack. One that no longer exists.” “One where the Alpha took away all freedom and had to be, shall we say, put down,” Mrs. Frelich added. “So the three of them may not have realized they could act without the Alpha’s consent.” “Which is lucky for us, because it gave us a heads-up that they had something planned,” I said. “So let’s give the City Pack a call and find out how much Chal knows about Suzannah’s kidnapping.” He didn’t know much. Mrs. Frelich placed the call, since apparently it fell under her duties as peacekeeper. The moment

sALAd on the side 171 she mentioned one of our members had been kidnapped, Chal’s voice rose so all of us heard him clearly. “I did not order any of my pack to harm any of yours.” “We don’t know that she’s been harmed.” Mrs. Frelich’s soothing tone, much like Tobias’s compulsion, came from something deeper than just her voice. I began to understand why she was the pack’s peacekeeper. “Only that members of your pack came to our territory—to her home—and took her.” “Witnessed by?” Chal asked skeptically. “My mate.” Hearing her refer to Mr. Frelich as her mate rather than her husband sounded strange to me. I’d become used to them talking about “my husband” and “my wife” since I’d moved into their building. Of course, knowing what I knew now, using the term “mate” made perfect sense. They were mates and she was talking to the Alpha of another pack, so the word would be more appropriate. Chal was silent for a moment. When he finally spoke, even though he was no longer yelling, I still heard him. Maybe he had some power I didn’t know about. Or maybe it was just the werewolf hyper-hearing I’d read about. “I will investigate,” he declared, kind of like a king granting a boon to some peasant. He obviously didn’t have too high an opinion of our pack, which pissed me off. I held my tongue, though, because even if I’d whispered to Tobias the other Alpha might have heard us. “Thank you,” Mrs. Frelich said. “We wish our pack member returned safely to us before our Alpha’s meeting with you. If she is not, there may be difficulties in the meeting. Some of our pack see this as a direct attack by you. Our Alpha has subdued any implied threat against you.” She didn’t say anything more. Didn’t go on to say that the pack wouldn’t be so easily subdued if Chal didn’t give us back Suzannah within the next day or so. Or to say that Tobias and Kirk were ready to go beat the shit out of any City Pack wolf they saw. She didn’t need to say anything more, though, because

172 Karenna Colcroft Chal heard the intent as clearly as the words. Just the way Mrs. Frelich had no doubt intended. “I will investigate,” he repeated more forcefully. “Your wolf will be returned to you unharmed by the deadline you have named. I stake my place upon it.” A weird way of phrasing a promise. The words rang through the phone and Tobias’s apartment and I realized Chal’s pledge, like Tobias’s declaration of me as his mate, carried some magic. If Suzannah wasn’t returned to us, or if she’d been harmed, Chal would lose his place as Alpha, because he’d just pledged exactly that. It made me feel a little better. At least he had motivation to actually follow through and try to find her for us. “Thank you, Alpha,” Mrs. Frelich said. “We of the Boston North pack know you, Chal Torres, Alpha of the City Pack, are an honorable man and wolf and will keep your word. We appreciate your assistance in the matter.” “We of the City Pack bear no animosity toward the Boston North Pack and will do all we can to aid you,” Chal replied. “I or one of mine will contact you at this number when we have information.” “This phone belongs to our beta,” Mrs. Frelich said. “Your peacekeeper has my direct number. Please contact us through that.” “Agreed.” Chal hung up without further comment. Mrs. Frelich shut off the phone and handed it back to Kirk. “He really doesn’t know,” she said. Tobias nodded. “He’s truthful. He may have had something planned for our meeting, but it didn’t involve kidnapping any of our members. If it’s within his power, Suzannah won’t be harmed.” He addressed the last sentence to Kirk, who stood there holding his phone and practically vibrating with fury. “If it isn’t within his power, he’ll have no power,” Kirk said through gritted teeth. “He’s vowed it, and even if he hadn’t, I would take his power from him if he allows mine to be harmed.”

sALAd on the side 173 Suzannah wasn’t his, not really. Not as mate. That didn’t mean they weren’t mates, though, only that she hadn’t allowed him to claim her as such yet. He loved her, that much was obvious, and when I thought back about seeing them together in the meetings, I knew she loved him too. She just had reason not to give herself over to the whole mating bond thing. If I’d known not giving in was an option, I probably wouldn’t have either. So it was a good thing I hadn’t known. “We can’t do anything more tonight,” Mrs. Frelich said. “I don’t think his pack will harm her, Kirk. They have too much to lose if anything happens to her and they know it. Go home and sleep so you can think clearly about this tomorrow. By then, we may have news from Chal.” “Sure.” Kirk glared at her. “Those mind tricks of yours aren’t going to work, Harriet. Peacekeeper or not, I’m too pissed right now.” “Then obey your Alpha,” Tobias said firmly. “You will return to your home. You will sleep, or at least attempt it, and you will not leave your apartment until at least dawn tomorrow.” Kirk struggled against the compulsion and for a few seconds I thought he’d won. Then, head bowed, he silently left the apartment, though he did slam the door rather childishly behind him. “I’ll send Jon to keep an eye on him,” Mrs. Frelich said. Tobias nodded. “I don’t think he’ll override the compulsion, but I know better than to underestimate a wolf ’s heart. Thank you, Harriet.” “It’s my job.” She narrowed her eyes. “This isn’t over, Alpha. Even when we recover Suzannah, you’ll still have to face the pack with your new…mate.” Just by looking at her, I could tell her hesitation had been deliberate. “I don’t disagree with the mating bond, nor with your choice as a human. As an Alpha, however, your decision to claim Kyle as mate will have repercussions, both for you and for the pack as a whole.” “It may,” Tobias agreed. “We don’t choose our mates, Harriet.

174 Karenna Colcroft You know that as well as I. We only choose whether to claim them, and after the time I’ve spent with Kyle recently, it didn’t seem like a choice to me. He and I are mates. Hiding the truth wouldn’t have changed it.” I didn’t want to hear the debate again. I stretched, yawned, and said, “Tobias, didn’t you mention taking a shower?” “Yeah, I should do that.” He shot me a look. I couldn’t decide whether he meant it as anger or gratitude that I’d interrupted his discussion with Mrs. Frelich and I didn’t much care. “I should go home,” Mrs. Frelich said. “As soon as I hear from Chal or one of his pack I’ll let you know.” “Thank you.” Tobias sighed. “We’ll make this okay.” “I hope so.” She left. While Tobias showered, I watched TV. I wanted to go home and go about my normal routine, including possibly trying to reach my boss to find out whether I still had a job. I stayed, though, because I sensed Tobias would need me. When he returned to the living room with damp, loose hair and wearing only a pair of gym shorts, I moved to the side of the couch to make room for him. He sat beside me and stared at the movie I’d put on, some old thing from the 1980s with those two samenamed kids who starred together in a bunch of teen flicks. “Harriet doesn’t have a problem with you,” he said. “Nope, just with me corrupting her Alpha,” I muttered. I’d thought I knew the Frelichs pretty well, but apparently they’d kept a few things hidden from me. Things I kind of wished I hadn’t found out. “Not even that.” He took my hand. “Power base, Kyle. She’s known me a long time and she knows how deeply I feel for the people I love. She’s afraid the depth will interfere with my judgment and power as Alpha. She thinks it takes energy to love someone, because for her, it is an effort. She and Frank have reached a place of comfort with each other, but they’re not truly in love. They’re one of the mated pairs that makes no sense whatsoever.”

sALAd on the side 175 “Mates don’t have a choice.” He shook his head. “When you see your mate, you know. Instantly. I don’t know if it’s some past life thing or some machination of the Universe we mere mortals don’t know about.” “We’re shifters,” I pointed out. “Does that mean we’re mere mortals?” “We’re mortal. We can die and be killed. Dying just takes longer than for regular humans.” He lay down, feet over the arm of the couch, head in my lap. “Mates are connected from the moment they’re both in this world. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme nor reason to who ends up mated with whom. I don’t pretend to understand it. I only know I thought I was in love with Harok, but when I saw you for the first time, I didn’t even remember what he looked like. Love is human, and since shifters are part human, we feel that emotion. Mating is something deeper and stronger.” “People talk about love at first sight,” I said. “Not the whole, oh, he’s cute, I want to fuck him kind of so-called love, but genuine, romantic, I want to spend my life with this person love.” “Kind of the same thing.” He shrugged. “Maybe humans experience the mating bond too. They just don’t think of it that way, since mating is more of an animal behavior than a human one. Anyway, to Harriet your gender has little to do with her concern. She’s afraid loving anyone as deeply as she knows I can will weaken me. As peacekeeper, she may be worried about the reaction within our pack and in the other packs to the announcement that our Alpha has a male mate, but it isn’t her primary concern.” “I’m still getting used to the whole mate thing anyway.” I stroked his hair. The soft strands slipped through my fingers like silk and I resisted the urge to plunge both hands into it and just revel in the softness. Tobias might not have minded, but somehow I had the feeling the sensuality of playing with his hair would lead to wanting to touch other things. Right then, we didn’t need sex, we just needed to be quiet together.

176 Karenna Colcroft “Me too.” He sighed and closed his eyes. “Stay with me tonight, Kyle.” He nodded toward the window and I realized, to my surprise, that somewhere between our fucking and the phone call to Chal, the sun had nearly set. “I don’t want to fuck you or make love to you or whatever you want to call it. I just want you beside me when I fall asleep and when I wake in the morning.” I’d lived with my last partner. Every night we’d gone to bed together and every morning we’d woken up beside each other. Sometimes we’d fucked, sometimes we’d just cuddled, sometimes we’d ignored one another completely. And for the entire time I’d lived with him, I’d never been fully comfortable being so close to him for so much time. There had been nights when I hadn’t even stayed in bed with him, but had slept on the couch and then returned to bed before he woke so he’d think I’d been there all along. I’d thought I would be like that the rest of my life, not wanting to completely let anyone in, not wanting the utter closeness that came with being in love. Tobias had screwed that up pretty well and I didn’t mind it a bit. I liked the thought of falling asleep beside him. Waking in the morning with the sun touching his gorgeous hair. Being there in the middle of the night if either of us needed comfort or—well, or anything else. Tonight, Tobias needed me. Needed someone else to be the strong one for a while. His pack had never taken a hit like this and he blamed himself even though he hadn’t caused Suzannah’s kidnapping. He was Alpha and that meant anything happening within his pack or to any of its members was his responsibility. And the fact he let me into his head enough to hear those thoughts showed just how much he trusted me. I refused to let him down. “I’ll stay,” I said softly. “Thank you.” He burrowed down against the cushion and smiled up at me. “If I fall asleep here, wake me so we can go to bed. I want you to be comfortable.” “Sure.”

sALAd on the side 177 He fell asleep shortly after that and I didn’t wake him. He needed the rest. To my surprise, despite the position I sat in, I slept more soundly there with Tobias’s head in my lap than I’d slept in weeks.

ChAPteR fifteen Someone’s in the garden. The thought, entering my mind like someone had whispered it in my ear, jolted me awake. For a moment I was disoriented. I’d fallen asleep on the couch, as far as I knew, but now I was in bed. Then I vaguely remembered Tobias waking me and ordering me to the bedroom. He lay beside me, breathing softly. It took me only a second to come fully awake. Someone was in the garden. Someone had intruded on my pack’s territory. The garden should have been barred from anyone not pack, so it had to be pack out there. My instincts—or maybe my wolf ’s instincts—said differently. Half-awake, I didn’t believe the wolf. Since I kept feeling like something was nudging me out of bed, apparently the wolf wasn’t going to let up. Tobias snorted softly and turned onto his side. His eyes blinked open for half a second, then closed again. Apparently his wolf wasn’t bugging him to find out who was in the garden. For a moment, I lay there listening. I didn’t hear a sound from outside, just Tobias’s deep breathing beside me. I almost wished whoever was in the garden would make some noise. With Tobias’s shifter hyper-hearing, he would hear any sound they made and would wake up. Even though I knew only the pack could enter the garden, I didn’t want to go out there alone. Last time I’d been alone in the garden, someone had attacked me. In the garden. The thought repeated itself and I knew I wouldn’t get any peace until I found out who was out there. Somehow I managed to extricate myself without waking Tobias and slipped out of bed. Probably I should have made sure he did wake up, just in case there was an intruder out there. I didn’t fight, so I wouldn’t be able to handle any problems by myself. But Tobias needed his rest for whatever we’d have to do to bring Suzannah home, so I wanted to let him sleep. I hadn’t put my shoes back on after my shower that morning,

180 Karenna Colcroft because I hadn’t needed them for anything. Now, in the darkness of the apartment, I didn’t remember where I’d left them. I didn’t want to turn on any lights to look for them, because it could wake Tobias. So, barefoot, I softly walked to the garden door and opened it. I inhaled and detected a scent I recognized after a second as Suzannah’s. Somehow she must have escaped from the City Pack. I stepped outside to greet her before I realized hers wasn’t the only scent in the garden. And then I saw them. Three wolves stood there. Werewolves, from the feel and smell of them. I noticed now that Suzannah’s scent was fainter than theirs. It had been just enough, in my half-awake brain, to make me think she was there, but now I knew differently. None of these three was Suzannah. Their scent was definitely not pack. Bad enough they’d invaded our territory. The fact that they’d done so in animal form didn’t bode well at all. If they’d come in human form, it might have been overlooked as a visit. Appearing in our territory in shifted form indicated aggression, according to the weird little voice in my head that kept feeding me shifter info. All three furry heads turned in my direction. I did the stupidest thing I could think of: I closed the door behind me. The sky had clouded over and no moonlight shone through, making it harder to distinguish anything about the wolves. One had light fur, the other two dark. All were large and all were male. “You’re trespassing,” I told them. The three of them walked over to me, slowly, predators stalking their prey. I stood my ground, knowing if I showed any fear they’d take it as reason to attack. Besides, I didn’t have anything to be afraid of. If they bit me, I didn’t think it would have any effect. I’d already been changed. They might kill me, but somehow I doubted they’d take that chance. They’d invaded another pack’s territory. They wouldn’t make things worse by killing one of the members of the pack. At least I knew enough not to look them in the eyes. Whoever they were, they were dominant to me. Weaker wolves do not look

sALAd on the side 181 directly at stronger wolves. Not unless they’re challenging and I had no intention of challenging these guys. “You’re trespassing,” I repeated, staring at the ground in front of the lead wolf, the one with light fur. “This is the territory of the Boston North Pack and you have entered in wolf form. Leave or shift to human so we can speak.” Obviously I didn’t have any authority whatsoever. I was the lowest wolf in the Boston North pack. That was a lot of dominance I didn’t have. The command came from the place inside me that whispered all the pack information and stuff into my brain and I knew regardless of whether I had the authority to order these wolves around, I did have the right. None of them obeyed me, of course. They knew me. I saw it in their eyes. In fact, in the eyes of one of the darker-colored wolves, I saw something that reminded me of Dougal, and now I understood why they’d come here. And who was behind Suzannah’s kidnapping. “Dougal.” I addressed that wolf, even though the light one seemed to be leading their expedition. “You know our pack is no threat to yours. Take your buddies and go. When you left our pack, you forfeited the right to enter our territory.” The Dougal-wolf stepped forward, growling low in his throat. I took an involuntary step back and bumped into the door. If he attacked now, I had nowhere to go. In human form, I wouldn’t do too well if a wolf attacked me. And I didn’t know how to shift into wolf form. Just a minor bit of information Tobias and the others hadn’t seen fit to tell me. I’d thought shifting required a full moon and obviously I’d been wrong. The light-colored wolf yipped at Dougal and moved in front of him. Dougal kept staring at me, still growling, but he stopped trying to reach me. They wanted me unharmed, for whatever reason. Adrenaline made my ears ring and my heart pounded. For some reason, knowing they didn’t want to hurt me scared me more than if they’d just attacked. An attack would have made

182 Karenna Colcroft sense. Now I didn’t know what they wanted from me and I was afraid to find out. The other dark wolf came toward me, teeth bared. I started to open the door and yell for Tobias, only to discover that I’d been stupid enough to lock myself out. Way to go, dumbass! Tobias’s door was never locked from the inside, but the little turn knob on the doorknob locked it against anyone trying to enter. Somewhere along the line, that little knob had been turned. Now I was fucked and not in a good way. I raised my hand to pound on the door. Tobias would wake up. Maybe the other wolves in the building would as well. I didn’t care. I needed back-up. “No.” The human word coming from a wolf ’s throat startled me out of trying to escape. I blinked at the light wolf who sat on its haunches and grinned at me. While I tried to figure out how it could have spoken, the dark wolf grabbed my shirt hem in its teeth and yanked me onto my stomach on the ground. Dougal held me down with his front paws on my back. I struggled to get up, but he was a hell of a lot stronger than he looked. Time to hit the gym, Kyle. The other dark wolf stood beside me, on the other side from Dougal. The light wolf crouched in front of me, eye to eye, though I still carefully kept my gaze off to one side. I didn’t know how human the brain in this animal might be at this point and I didn’t want to take any chances on my actions being seen as a challenge. “On,” the light wolf groaned. “Yeah, Dougal’s on me,” I muttered. I should yell for help. I’m acting just like those morons in books and movies who just let the bad guys tromp all over them. “No,” the light wolf growled and Dougal suddenly dropped onto my back, knocking all the air out of me. Not only had I run afoul of a bunch of wolves with a grudge

sALAd on the side 183 against my pack—or maybe against me personally—I’d run into one who apparently had as much ability to read my mind as Tobias had. I didn’t think I’d given away any indication I planned to yell for help. Certainly something had clued them in, though. Crushed flat to the ground, barely able to breathe with the weight of a full-grown, oversized werewolf on my back, I just blinked at the light wolf and hoped this would somehow turn out to be a dream. Dream. Yeah, that’s it. I wasn’t really lying in the dirt surrounded by three shifters who’d so far prevented every move I tried to make to either escape them or get help. The garden was completely empty of all life and I sat on the couch, sound asleep with Tobias’s head in my lap. Except if this really had been a dream, I should have been able to wake myself. And that didn’t seem to be happening. The light wolf regarded me with something resembling amusement. That just plain pissed me off. Acting pissed off at a wolf that probably had a couple hundred pounds on me wouldn’t be too smart, so I forced the anger back and said, “If you can talk, tell me what the hell’s going on. Why you’re in our territory. You’re the ones who took Suzannah, right?” The wolf just stared down at me. After a few seconds, I had to look away. This guy—beast, whatever—was definitely dominant to me and obviously to Dougal and the other dark wolf as well. And he had no intention of answering me. Maybe he couldn’t. Short words like the ones he’d spoken would come easily from a wolf-shaped mouth. Longer conversation and even many other single words would require a human mouth, throat, and whatever all else. I didn’t quite grasp the anatomy of it. The fact I was trying to indicated pretty clearly that my mind didn’t want to deal with this reality anymore. I took as deep a breath as I could manage, which wasn’t very deep, but served to settle me enough to think rationally again. These wolves hadn’t hurt me yet. In fact, the light one had prevented Dougal from doing anything more harmful than sitting on me. That told me two things. First, the light wolf was

184 Karenna Colcroft very definitely in charge here. Second, they didn’t plan to hurt or kill me. They wouldn’t have wasted all this time subduing me if they wanted me dead. They’d just have attacked the moment I stepped outside. Of course, they might just want to take me someplace their attack wouldn’t be interrupted by Tobias or any of my packmates. I didn’t sense that from them, though. They wanted me alive and reasonably healthy for a purpose. Possibly the same purpose for which they’d taken Suzannah. Even though the light wolf refused to answer me, I knew these were the ones who’d kidnapped her. It just seemed far too unlikely that two different groups of wolves would invade Boston North territory to kidnap pack members. And since one of them was Dougal, these guys probably had a grudge against my pack. They probably hadn’t been in wolf form when they’d taken Suzannah or more of an alarm would have been raised. Unless Frank had known these wolves and had only reported Suzannah’s kidnapping because he knew it would be noticed. I pushed the thought away. I didn’t want to think about any of our pack deliberately endangering anyone else, nor about them conspiring with anyone to break down the pack structure. Which was exactly what Suzannah’s kidnapping had done. “I’d like to breathe,” I told the light wolf. “You have my word that if Dougal gets off me, I won’t make any noise loud enough for my pack to hear.” He tilted his head to one side, considering whether I’d left myself any loopholes in my promise. Finally, he nodded. Whining, Dougal stayed put. The light wolf snarled at him and Dougal very, very slowly rose off my back. He kept his front paws on me to hold me down. At least now I could draw a full breath. “Thanks,” I said to the light wolf. I could have broken my word and yelled for help. I didn’t. I’d never believed much in magic, but magic and shifting seemed to be pretty closely tied together. Compulsions, Alpha powers, peacekeeping, and even the little bits of information floating into my brain told me that more existed in Heaven and Earth than dreamt of, blah, blah,

sALAd on the side 185 blah. I certainly didn’t have a choice anymore about believing in shifters, so believing in the magic that accompanied them was kind of a no-brainer. Breaking my word as a human had been bad enough on the rare occasions I’d done so. Somehow I had the feeling breaking my word as a shifter, with all the magic and stuff around, would have far more dire consequences. The light wolf inclined his head and regarded me. Now that the few minutes pinned to the ground had allowed my adrenaline rush to wear off, I realized I sensed no threat from him. He hadn’t brought the other two here to hurt me or kill me or any other nasty thing. They wanted to take me with them; probably to wherever they’d brought Suzannah, which made the idea more appealing. I’d be able to see for myself that they hadn’t harmed her, and maybe if they had me, they’d let her go. “You want me to leave with you, right?” I asked. The light wolf nodded and nudged Dougal with his snout. Dougal once again refused to move until the other wolf snarled an order at him. “Knock it off, Dougal,” I said. “I gave my word not to raise any kind of alarm and I give my word I won’t run from you guys either.” Running probably would have been the smarter thing to do, but if these really were the guys who’d taken Suzannah, they might bring me to her. And if they did that, I might be able to use the connection Tobias and I seemed to have developed to let him know where Suzannah and I were. He snorted and stepped off my back. I stood and brushed the dirt off myself. “Next time, knock me down on pavement.” I reconsidered. Pavement would hurt. “Yeah, never mind. Okay, so where are we going?” The light wolf jerked his head toward the other dark one. “On.” Ah. So wherever they planned on taking me, they either didn’t trust me to walk or didn’t think I’d be able to. The dark wolf didn’t look too impressed about being used as transportation, but he barely even bristled when I climbed onto his back and grasped

186 Karenna Colcroft one tuft of fur in each hand. “Okay,” I said. “Let’s hit the road.” Dougal gave me a suspicious glance then took off at a run. My furry steed followed and the light wolf brought up the rear. You’d think three wolves running through the streets of Boston would attract attention. Even though it was the middle of the night, enough people still roamed the streets or looked out their windows that someone should have noticed us. If anyone did, they didn’t respond at all to the sight of three large wolves with a human riding one of them. No one shouted at us, not even the police officers we passed. Maybe the wolves had the power to turn themselves invisible. At this point, nothing would have surprised me. I closed my eyes after the third near-miss at an intersection, when the wolves decided they had the right of way against a green light. I didn’t really need to see where we were going, because I wouldn’t be able to find my way home anyway. Finally, after I didn’t know how long, we stopped. I opened my eyes to see a large, partly vacant brick building in front of us. The place had graffiti scrawled on windows and walls and the only occupants were a seedy-looking tattoo parlor and a package store. “Not City Pack headquarters, I take it.” I slid off the wolf ’s back and looked around, trying to gain some sense of place. Nothing gave me any clue of our whereabouts. “Suzannah’s here? Because if she isn’t, I’d like you to take me to wherever she is. I want to see that she’s all right.” The light wolf shimmered for a moment then began the agonizing transition back to human. At least, it would have been agonizing for me. It didn’t seem to affect him in the least. When he finished, he looked at me with eyes the same ice-blue as the wolf ’s. He stood naked, since clothes don’t shift, but with the same dignity he’d have had in a business suit. “You don’t really have any leverage to make demands,” he informed me. I held up my hands in an “I come in peace” gesture. “Not a demand, just a request. I know you’re the ones who took Suzannah. The pack is worried about her and I’m probably going

sALAd on the side 187 to be a little more cooperative if you let me see her.” “You don’t have a choice about being cooperative, either,” he said. He sighed. “Yeah, fine. You can see her. Now that you’re here, we don’t really need her anyway. Dougal, Mackin, take him inside. I’ll be there in a moment.” The other two, still in wolf form, nudged me inside the building and up a rickety flight of stairs that almost certainly didn’t meet any building codes anywhere in the world. At the top of the stairs, Dougal grabbed my shirt hem and tugged me into a room furnished with a bare mattress, a bare light bulb, and a straight-backed wooden chair that reminded me of pictures my mother had shown me of the elementary school she’d attended. On the chair, hands tied behind her back, sat Suzannah, wearing an oversized football jersey and not much else. They must have gotten her after a nap or something. I broke away from the wolves and ran to kneel beside her. I untied her hands, expecting the goons to stop me. They didn’t, which worried me. If they didn’t care whether I untied her, they probably didn’t think we’d be able to get away no matter what happened. She gave me a faint smile and glanced uneasily at the wolves. “They got you, too, huh?” “They showed up in the garden,” I replied. “Are you all right?” “Other than being tied to a fucking chair, yeah, I’m dandy.” She grimaced and addressed the wolves. “Would one of you let me out of this thing, please?” Neither wolf moved. Dougal bared his teeth then turned his back. Suzannah shrugged. “It was worth a try. Where’s Art?” “If he’s the light-colored one, he’s in human form downstairs,” I replied. “He said he’d be up in a minute. I asked them to bring me to you to make sure they haven’t hurt you.” “They won’t,” she said grimly. “They don’t want me. I’m nothing, just a mid-pack wolf with some healing skills. You’re the one they’re after. You and Tobias.”

188 Karenna Colcroft “Because Tobias has what I want.” Art strode into the room. Somewhere downstairs he’d located a pair of grey sweatpants, which were now the only thing he wore. “I should have been Boston North Alpha when the old Alpha had to be destroyed. Tobias got there first.” “Which makes him Alpha,” I pointed out. “If you’re so bent on taking the territory from him, why not challenge him? Why all this?” “Because fair fights aren’t his style.” With a fingertip, Suzannah traced a scar that ran from just behind her ear all the way down her neck. I’d noticed it before, but had never felt comfortable enough to ask her about it. “Are they, Art?” “Challenges for dominance are meant to be damaging fights,” he replied mildly. “You challenged, I fought.” “You nearly took my life and that isn’t part of the deal unless it’s a challenge for Alpha.” To my astonishment, Suzannah stared him down. Art looked at the floor in front of the chair, not at her. “You know you wouldn’t be able to defeat Tobias, don’t you? That’s why you won’t challenge him.” “Chal doesn’t allow his wolves to challenge for dominance in other packs,” Art replied bitterly. “Nor will he accept challenges from any who are not within a certain degree of separation from himself. I don’t fall within that degree.” “You were more dominant in our pack than in the City Pack, even after I defeated you,” Suzannah said, her voice softening just a bit. These two had history, obviously, and watching them interact with one another felt like a major intrusion. “You should have stayed. Instead, you’ve drawn other defectors to the City Pack and Chal’s pretty much had his fill, hasn’t he?” “Dougal. Mackin. Return to human form.” Art drew himself up so he almost looked intimidating. Suzannah’s words had hit him where it hurt. The other two wolves hesitated then trotted out of the room. “They won’t be much use to you for a while,” Suzannah said. “You’re the only wolf I’ve ever met who’s a hundred percent

sALAd on the side 189 functional right after a change.” Art smiled. “It’s a gift. So, Kyle. You’ve seen her. Now you’ll do what we say, yeah?” For a second, I was startled that he knew my name. Then I realized Dougal must have told him. Of course. Dougal had probably told him everything about our pack. Everything Art hadn’t already known, at least. “Within reason,” I said. “If you ask me to hurt someone, no. I won’t do that. Nor will I challenge anyone or fight.” He laughed. Not a pleasant laugh. More of the fingernails grating on a chalkboard kind of thing. “Again, you don’t really have room to make demands on us. And how the hell can a werewolf be a pacifist?” “The same way one can be a vegan,” I snapped. “Just because Melia decided trying to kill me would be one hell of a way to pay Tobias back for not making her his mate, and ended up changing me instead, doesn’t mean I’m going to change who I am.” His eyes widened just slightly. Melia hadn’t given him her reason for attacking me. The defectors had doubtless reported to both Chal and Art that Tobias had placed me under his protection, maybe even that he seemed to have a little more than just neighborly interest in me. No one, though, had told him Melia’s real motivation. Maybe Dougal and Katrine didn’t even know. Dougal and Mackin limped back into the room. Both were pale and sheened with sweat. The shift back hadn’t been kind to either of them. Dougal leaned against the wall beside the room’s lone window. Mackin slid to the floor. “What’s he talking about?” Art demanded. “In reference to?” Dougal snapped. “Look. Just shifted back. Give us a minute.” “We don’t have a minute. For all we know, Boston North’s Alpha and his cavalry are riding to the rescue right now.” Art stepped closer to Suzannah, which brought him a little too close

190 Karenna Colcroft to me for comfort. “Your Alpha is too soft-hearted. What other Alpha would allow a wolf as weak as you to remain in his pack?” He sneered at me. “Not to mention someone who doesn’t even know what it means to be wolf.” Suzannah immediately defended me. “Kyle hasn’t had time to learn what wolf is. Not even a full week has passed since he was changed and Melia’s attack on him was so brutal Kyle remained unconscious for almost three days.” She narrowed her eyes at Dougal, who flinched. Apparently Suzannah was dominant to him, too, whether or not she’d ever chosen to challenge him. “She isn’t quite as sane as you thought she’d be, right, Dougal?” I rocked back onto my heels. “This is all just a little confusing, so how about giving time for the newbie to catch up?” That only earned me glares from the others, even Suzannah. From her, I understood the look. She wanted to keep me below their radar so they’d release me. Whether or not she chose to participate in the pack’s power structure, she was still one of Tobias’s wolves and it meant his compulsion to protect me still bound her. She would do whatever she could to make sure I got out of here safely, even if it meant fighting the others. I did a double take. I’d just heard her thoughts. Only Tobias should have been able to hear the thoughts of his wolves. Maybe being his mate gave me access to some of the Alpha superpowers or something. She shook her head. “We don’t have time.” Maybe not, but that wasn’t why she’d shaken her head. She’d answered the question I hadn’t asked, and it weirded me out more than anything else that had happened so far. I figured it might be about time for a typical supervillain monologue, so I asked, “Okay, Art, now that you have me where you want me, what’s your plan?” “Your Alpha will come after you,” he said. “We’ll see what happens from there.” So much for a monologue. Two sentences didn’t quite cut it. Still, he’d given me enough information. He had some grudge

sALAd on the side 191 against Tobias from before Tobias had taken over the pack. I didn’t know why nor did I care. The point was; he planned to fight Tobias. Not a fair challenge, just a fight to see who remained standing at the end. Which meant I had to keep Tobias from coming after me. He didn’t know I’d been taken. For all I knew, he hadn’t even realized yet that I wasn’t in his apartment any longer. The second the thought crossed my mind though, I knew differently. Tobias was my mate and we shared a bond stronger than the ones he shared with the rest of his pack. Stronger than he’d ever shared with anyone, even Harok. He’d known all along that I’d gone outside and been threatened by these wolves. In that case, why hadn’t he come out to rescue me, like anyone would try to rescue their lover? Fuck him. I deserved better. Oh, stop being an idiot, Kyle! Tobias’s voice echoed through my mind. Stunned, I looked around, trying to see him then realized no one else had heard. Right, he said. Mate bond, not pack bond. Don’t let on. We’re on our way. You can’t. My chest tightened at the thought of seeing Tobias on the ground in front of Art. Even though I had no doubt of Tobias’s dominance, I knew Suzannah was right. Art wouldn’t fight fair. It’s a trap, Tobias. They want to destroy you. If they hurt you, it will destroy me, he said quietly, and that one sentence was filled with so much love my heart ached. We’ll be there. Stop arguing. Even through telepathy or whatever this was, I felt the compulsion. As usual, it had no effect on me. I chose to stop arguing, though, because I realized something more important than the threat. Tobias loved me enough to risk all his power for me. He’d given me the gift of his trust and love. How could I argue with that? Be careful, I said. I—I love you.

192 Karenna Colcroft I love you too. Stay safe. His presence left my mind, but I still sensed it at the end of a glowing gold cord joining us in my mind’s eye. “Who were you talking to, Kyle?” Art asked coldly. “Your Alpha?” He sneered. “Or should I say your lover?” “Don’t start with the homophobe shit,” I snapped. Truthfully, I didn’t care what he said or thought. Something in the way he said Tobias’s name and now the word “lover” made me think more lay behind this than just a power struggle and I wanted to see if I could crack his cool and find out what that might be. His lips twisted. “Homophobe? Trust me, Kyle, you don’t scare me. I couldn’t care less what you and Alpha Tobias do in bed. What I care about is the weakness it causes him.” “Maybe,” I said. “Or maybe you’re just jealous you aren’t the one in his bed.” He lunged at me, the first dent in his calm façade and I knew I’d hit a nerve. What the hell was it with these wolves? First Melia, now this freak getting pissed off because Tobias hadn’t chosen them as mates, or at least fuck-buddies. Tobias had said himself that mates weren’t chosen, they just happened. Apparently these idiots didn’t know that. He grabbed me around the throat and I grinned. He’d made the rule about not hurting me, I suspected. As far as he was concerned, Tobias wouldn’t come to my rescue if I’d already been hurt and certainly not if I was dead. Of course, if he’d made the rule, he could break it. I doubted he wanted to, though. For a few seconds, his hands tightened around my neck, almost cutting off my air. Suzannah gasped and struggled against whatever kept her secured to her chair and even Dougal and Mackin seemed stunned. Me, I just knelt there with a smile on my face. Yeah, his grip hurt, but I was winning. Then, abruptly, he let go and shoved me onto my back. “Don’t you ever fucking think you know anything about me,” he snarled. “You can have Tobias. Mangy, fucked-up thing he is. After what that freak who changed him did to him, you’d think

sALAd on the side 193 he’d avoid men, but instead he takes them.” He spat on the floor by my cheek, leaving little doubt as to what he meant by “takes.” I made a mental note not to use the word in that context with Tobias anymore. “You’d love to say that to Tobias, wouldn’t you?” I sat up, still smiling, and this time I looked him in the eye. He didn’t look away, but he didn’t act as if I’d challenged him either. “You were changed by the same man.” It was just a guess, but the flash of fury in Art’s eyes made me think I’d guessed right. “This is all dandy,” Mackin muttered. “Fucking psychotherapy, yeah? Confront your childhood demons? Art, you brought them here. You’re in charge. Act it.” Art sniffed and did the puffing-up thing again. This time, he didn’t look quite so intimidating. “Watch what you say to me, Mackin.” Back to the psychopathic Alpha wanna-be, but I’d cracked him. I glanced at Suzannah, who nodded. She’d seen it too. I was not happy to learn Art had suffered the same things Tobias had. I wouldn’t have wished that on anyone and I was really glad Tobias had killed the guy who’d done it, because otherwise I would have wanted to. Art hadn’t denied being changed by the same shifter who’d damaged Tobias, though, and his damage obviously went much deeper than Tobias’s. I filed it away at the front of my mental filing cabinet because I had the feeling the information would be very useful. If I managed to keep from pissing Art off enough to beat the shit out of me before I could use it.

ChAPteR sixteen “Untie her,” Art ordered. Both Dougal and Mackin looked confused. No surprise there. I didn’t think either of them had much brain power left and they’d just seen their supposedly fearless leader have some pretty major mood swings. Dougal caught on first and glared at Suzannah. “You said we’d keep both of them until Tobias showed up.” “I changed my mind,” Art replied through gritted teeth. “Untie her.” Another trap. I didn’t even need the little whispery voice in my mind to tell me that. Suzannah had once challenged Art for dominance. He’d almost killed her and she’d still won. Maybe kidnapping her had just been a way to lure Tobias to this neat little hideout of theirs, but for Art, it had now become personal. He planned to challenge her. And since Suzannah had chosen to stop challenging for dominance, this time she might be out of practice enough that Art would win. My heart sped up. Suzannah didn’t appear injured. They’d probably just brought her here and tied her up. Something told me that she was more tired and out of it than she acted and I knew she wouldn’t be able to stand up to even a fair fight, never mind whatever Art chose to throw at her. I stood so quickly Art took a step back. Naturally that pissed him off. He’d just shown weakness to the prisoners and his would-be followers. “Sit down,” he ordered. “Nah, my legs are starting to ache,” I replied casually. “I think I need to stretch them out a little. Maybe by taking a nice walk. Or having a little friendly scuffle.” Now I knew I’d gone insane. Even though I hadn’t mentioned the word “challenge,” I’d just done exactly that. Challenged a lunatic shifter with a whole lot more years of experience than I

196 Karenna Colcroft had to a fight, knowing full well he wouldn’t fight fair and that I had no clue how to fight fair or otherwise. “Kyle, no!” Suzannah cried. “You idiot!” I chuckled. “Yeah, you aren’t the only one who thinks so.” I didn’t hear Tobias in my mind. He’d probably cut the line of communication to prevent Art from finding out about it. But the echo of him calling me an idiot a few minutes earlier hadn’t faded and imagining his reaction if he found out what I’d just done almost amused me. Almost, because I knew he’d be pretty pissed at me. Just like Art was. The guy put up a good front, but his anger, multiplied by his insanity, radiated from him. I shook. Suzannah was right; I was an idiot. I might die here. I took a deep breath to steady myself. Now that the challenge had been issued, I couldn’t back out. I just had to hope Tobias showed up before Art killed me. “There is no such thing as a ‘friendly’ fight,” Art informed me tonelessly. “However, if you’d like to attempt it, I have no objection. In fact, since you’re so new to this, I won’t even fight you myself. Take on Mackin. He’s among the weaker in our pack.” Mackin narrowed his eyes. Art had struck a major nerve. I wondered who Mackin hadn’t dared to challenge. “He doesn’t know how to fight,” Suzannah protested, a pleading note in her voice. “You know how recently he was changed, Art. Don’t do this.” “He issued the challenge,” Art pointed out. “If he can’t live with the consequences—or die with them—he should learn to keep his mouth shut.” “Suzannah.” I took a deep breath. I had no clue whether the idea that had just popped into my head would work or not. However, I’d heard her thoughts earlier, which meant I had a chance. I turned to face her, disregarding the fact it put my back to Mackin and Dougal. “Suzannah, I release the compulsion to protect me.” Something hit the air in the room like a water balloon

sALAd on the side 197 shattering against a sidewalk. Until that moment, I hadn’t realized the compulsion still held Dougal as well, even though he’d tried to fight it. Now it held neither him nor Suzannah. I’d just done the impossible and broken an Alpha’s compulsion. I really hoped Tobias wouldn’t be too upset when he found out. This went way beyond just ignoring his compulsions myself. All four of them gaped at me. The color drained from Suzannah’s face as she realized what I’d just done and what it might mean for the Boston North Pack. Only an Alpha could break another Alpha’s compulsions and then only if the Alpha doing the breaking was more dominant than the one who’d compelled. Just like Tobias had proven himself dominant to Chal by compelling Chal to stop yelling, in these people’s minds I’d just proven myself dominant to Tobias by releasing a compulsion he’d set. Except I wasn’t more dominant than Tobias. He was more dominant than pretty much any other wolf in the greater Boston area. He hadn’t won control of the Boston North Pack just by destroying the previous Alpha. His power had taken over before he’d even issued the challenge. His dominance explained why the other Alphas in the area had threatened to challenge him for the pack and its territory. They hadn’t done so out of the belief that Tobias was weak. They’d done it because his strength and power scared the hell out of them and they wanted him dead before he decided he wanted to take over one of their packs. No wonder Chal had been willing to bargain with him. Tobias could have owned the City Pack in a second if Chal had challenged him. The other Alphas didn’t know Tobias very well if they believed he’d do that. He was happy with his little pack and the people he’d come to consider family. “You can’t do that,” Art sputtered finally. “Your Alpha compelled them to protect you. No way you’re stronger than Tobias.” “Nope, I’m probably not,” I agreed cheerfully. “Which kind

198 Karenna Colcroft of makes you wonder why it worked, huh?” “Kyle?” Suzannah spoke very softly, eyes still wide. I’d scared her, even though I hadn’t meant to and I hated that I had. “How did you do that?” “I don’t know.” I didn’t, not entirely. I suspected it had something to do with the bond I shared with Tobias. The golden cord I’d seen stretching between us. Maybe it gave me the ability to somehow tap into his powers. I didn’t know and I didn’t care. “Suzannah, listen to me. They’re going to untie you.” As I spoke, I heard the ring of compulsion in my own voice and realized just a little too late that I now could control at least Dougal and Mackin and maybe Art as well. That sounded like a good thing on the surface. If I could compel them, I’d be able to get Suzannah and me out of here without having to fight anyone. Except I didn’t want that kind of control over anyone, not even these nutjobs. Compelling them to untie Suzannah probably wouldn’t hurt anything, but I wanted to make darn sure I didn’t inadvertently compel anyone else to do anything else. Naïve of me, maybe. Thinking I’d be able to fight my way out instead of using whatever magic I drew from Tobias was definitely not the brightest thought I’d ever had. If I was lucky, I’d just end up a little bit hurt. I didn’t care. I refused to use any kind of magic to force anyone to do something against their will, even if the refusal meant I had to fight. At a nod from Art, Dougal did as ordered and released Suzannah from the chair. She rubbed her wrists and clenched and unclenched her fists a few times, then stood. “I cha—” “No, you don’t,” I said quickly, knowing damn well what she had in mind. Art had already tried to challenge her. Technically, she couldn’t challenge him or either of the other two anyway, since all three were less dominant than she. I didn’t want her to even try, though. “There’s already a challenge in place, remember? You can’t issue one until this one is settled.” That might not even have been true. I didn’t know enough

sALAd on the side 199 about how challenges worked and once again I didn’t care. My goal was to get Suzannah out of there, send her on her way to meet up with the rest of the pack, especially Kirk. He and the others needed to see she hadn’t been harmed. I was secondary. Okay, I wasn’t secondary in Tobias’s mind. He would fight for me no matter what. Having Suzannah back safely, though, would give the rest of the pack its heart back and they’d be more inclined to want to help Tobias rescue me, as opposed to only doing it because he ordered them to. He was Alpha and they had to do what he said even if they didn’t want to, but they’d all be stronger if they chose to do what he said. She glared at me and I met her eyes even though I knew she’d see it as challenge. We were on the same side and she wouldn’t fight me even if she did think I’d challenged her. “Kyle, you’re more of an idiot than I thought. I really wonder what Tobias sees in you.” She winked, taking some of the sting out of her words. Which was a good thing, given what she said next. “Maybe the others are right. Maybe having you in our pack is a bad idea. We should just let the City Pack deal with you.” A tiny bit of something flashed in her eyes. Enough for me to catch on that she didn’t mean any of it. They’d be more likely to let her go if they thought she’d turned against me and then she’d be able to find the rest of our pack and bring them back for me. “Of course having him in your pack is a bad idea,” Art muttered. “Tobias cannot have a male mate.” “Because it isn’t you?” I said innocently. That did it. Before I could blink, Art had me on the ground, pinned by his knees on my hips and his hands on my shoulders. He lifted my shoulders to slam me down against the floor. “No!” Suzannah shouted. Damn it. I should have waited to provoke him until she was out of the room. As loud as I could, I thought at her, Get out! Find the others! She hesitated, biting her lip, then ran out the door. Leaving any pack member to fight for himself went against her nature and against the pack cooperation Tobias had fought to build

200 Karenna Colcroft after he’d taken over. Fortunately, she understood what I was doing. At least, I hoped she did. Having one of us understand my motivations would be helpful and I didn’t have a clue. Art had been distracted for a moment by Suzannah’s yell. When she left, he remembered his plan of smashing my skull against the floor and did so. The impact didn’t hurt as much as I expected. I grabbed his arms and tried to pry him off me. Eyes wild, he backhanded me across the face. I tried to kick him, but my legs didn’t bend in the right direction for that. So I rolled, putting every ounce of strength I had into getting him off me. Adrenaline kicked in and I couldn’t hear anything except our breathing. My heart pounded, but not in fear this time. This time, I was furious. How dare this psycho think he could beat me up? I was a shifter. The mate of the Boston North Alpha. And I had powers even I hadn’t begun to figure out. Prickles ran along my skin. I ignored them as Art and I wrestled. For a second, I managed to roll us onto our sides. Only a second, because his strength, fueled by blind fury and utter insanity, overwhelmed mine. The prickling grew worse, as if I had a hundred ants running over my bare skin. Grappling with Art, I couldn’t get a hand free to slap or scratch or otherwise stop the sensation, so I just kept fighting. If I let him regain the upper hand entirely, I’d lose. I knew it without even the slightest doubt. The best I could hope for was maintaining status quo. That meant staying alive until Suzannah returned with the rest of the pack. Art’s arm felt distinctly furry. I stared at it, realizing in horror that he’d begun to shift. If I didn’t have enough strength to defeat him in human form, I’d be completely fucked if I had to fight him as a wolf. “Shit! He’s shifting!” one of the others shouted.

“Get him off!” the other one replied.

I didn’t know who’d said what, nor did I care. They apparently

planned on helping me, which boded well for my continued living.

sALAd on the side 201 Dougal grabbed Art from behind and yanked him off. My body exploded into about a zillion tiny shards. And it hurt like hell. Fortunately, I blacked out. When I regained something resembling consciousness, my vision was completely wrong. Flat, mostly black and white. I’d seen this before, when I’d come to after Melia’s attack. Shit. That prickling I’d felt hadn’t been ants. I’d shifted. Dougal and Mackin had been yelling about me, not Art. I forced myself to my feet. Weak and in pain, starving, but I had bad guys in front of me and I had to keep fighting. I’d eat something later. Stop on the way home for a veggie wrap or something. In order to do that, I had to live. I knew Art would see my shifting as aggression instead of an accident of adrenaline. He would fight me to the death now and that death had to be his, because I was damned if I’d let him kill me. Kyle. Tobias’s voice in my mind sounded calm and compelling, but a note of alarm lay under the word. Don’t attack. Whatever you do, let him make the first move. I can help you if you’re defending yourself. I had no clue what he was talking about. As a wolf, I was a lot stronger than as a human. I didn’t need any help. And the fear emanating from the three men in front of me tasted delicious. I wanted more of it. I wanted to hurt them. Three men. Art hadn’t shifted, even though I’d thought he was about to. If I attacked them now, I’d be fighting men, not wolves. I’d be the aggressor and I might cause them serious harm. Now I understood what Tobias meant. I didn’t relax. Not confronted with a nutjob and his two cronies. But I didn’t fight. “Come on!” Art yelled. “You want to kill me, don’t you? Do it, you half-breed son of a whore!” I wanted to laugh at his insult. Calling me a half-breed didn’t even make any sense. While I stood there trying to figure out whether I could laugh with a wolf mouth, he pounced on me again.

202 Karenna Colcroft “Art!” Mackin cried. “Don’t!” Art caught me in a headlock and tried to crush my throat. Unsuccessfully, of course. I had a lot more muscle and stuff for him to deal with than I’d had as a human. His attempt wasn’t pleasant, but he wouldn’t be able to hurt me this way. Apparently he realized it too. After a few seconds, he let go and took a step back. “You want to play furry? I’m with that.” He shifted a lot faster than I had. One minute I stood there looking at a human whacko, and the next I was confronted with the same light-colored wolf who’d brought me here. I should have known if he could shift from wolf to human as rapidly as he had, he’d be able to do the reverse shift just as quickly. He growled at me, bristling, but didn’t attack. He wanted me to make the first move. Not a chance, I thought. I could fight him wolf to wolf now. But I was in his pack’s territory. If I struck first, not only would it be against Art, it might be seen as an act against the entire City Pack. Not something I wanted to risk. “Shift back.” Dougal knelt beside Art, keeping a couple feet between them so Art wouldn’t be able to bite him easily. “Art, shift back. You know what will happen if you fight him like this.” We’re almost there, Tobias said into my mind. Hold on a few minutes longer. Chal and his peacekeeper are with us. They’ll deal with Art. Easier said than done. Before I had a chance to react in any way, Art was on me. Teeth bared, claws out. He dug into my skin, running bloody furrows down my sides. I dodged his bites, barely. He shoved me over, forcing me onto my back. Showing my belly and throat as if I’d submitted to him. Only he had no intention of asserting dominance. He planned to kill. I rolled away as he pounced and instead of ripping out my throat his teeth closed on the back of my neck. Bad enough, but at least he hadn’t torn me apart. I regained my footing and whirled to face him. Pacifism didn’t seem to matter just then. The wolf took over

sALAd on the side 203 and launched me toward Art just as he leaped into the air. We collided and dropped to the floor in a heap of fur, teeth, and claws. Blood flowed and I had no idea whether it came from me or him. I didn’t care. He wanted death and it would come for one of us. I just hoped it wouldn’t be me. My body, unused to this form and still struggling with the aftermath of shifting, tired too quickly. I fought, hoping he’d give up before I lost my strength, but he just kept at me. Finally, unable to stand any longer, I lay on my belly, head between my paws, and hoped he’d see it as surrender. “He’s giving up,” Dougal said. “Art, don’t—” Whatever he planned to tell Art not to do was lost in Art’s sudden leap onto my back. His claws ripped into me and he forced me onto my back once again. He crouched, teeth bared an inch from my throat, and growled. I couldn’t fight free this time. My body was so sapped even the thought of moving was too much. I was about to die. No! I didn’t know whether the thought was mine or Tobias’s. Wherever it came from, it got through. I couldn’t lie here and die. If I let Art kill me, part of Tobias would die with me. And if Tobias died, the Boston North pack would end with him. I refused to let that happen. Summoning up power from somewhere unknown, I tensed. Art lunged at my throat and I dodged and somehow broke free. He pounced again, planning to take me down, and I used his momentum to shove him onto his back. Now his throat was the one exposed. My teeth were the ones bared. I could show him the mercy he’d had no intention of giving me and let him go. If I did, he’d kill me. I had no doubt. My life or his. I chose mine. My teeth closed in his throat and I tasted

204 Karenna Colcroft coppery, sour blood. He whined, then howled as I dug my teeth in deeper. Then I yanked my head back and he stopped making any noise at all. Blood spattered the floor, my fur, and the two men who stood white-faced watching. Strangely, neither had protested my killing of their so-called leader. Shouts sounded from the first floor and footsteps pounded up the stairs. A group of people burst into the room, Tobias in the lead. Ignoring the blood, he ran to me and threw his arms around me. “Kyle. Oh, god, thank god you’re alive. I thought he’d kill you.” “One of your wolves has murdered one of mine, Tobias.” A man with coffee-brown skin and jet black, waist-length hair stepped forward. He stood taller than Tobias and had an aura of power around him. I assumed this was Chal. “In my territory.” “Not murder.” Dougal swallowed hard and wiped a spot of blood away from the corner of his mouth. “Kyle shifted when Art attacked him in human form. Once in wolf form, Kyle did not attack. Art shifted and went after him, and Kyle fought back. Art would have killed him.” I shuddered. I’d killed someone. Me, Kyle Slidell, vegan and pacifist. I sat there covered in the blood of the man I’d just murdered. The copper taste of Art’s blood filled my mouth and my stomach growled. As a wolf, I liked the taste. Shifting had used a lot of energy and I needed food. Blood, meat, all of it appealed to the wolf. I felt like I was sitting back watching the wolf I’d become licking his lips to clean off the red, metallic liquid that had already begun to congeal. My human brain was horrified. I hadn’t taken in any animal product in years and now I was savoring the taste of another man’s blood. And he was man now. As he’d died, Art had reverted to the form he’d been born with and now a human corpse lay in front of me with a ragged, gaping hole in his throat.

sALAd on the side 205 I pulled away from Tobias and slunk to the far side of the room. If I’d been in human form, I would have vomited. My wolf, however, didn’t seem as bothered by the carnage as the human part of my brain and it disturbed me even more than what I’d done. Even as a wolf, I didn’t feel any great desire to eat a human. It was something of a relief, but the wolf side of my nature seemed to take death and blood as a matter of course far too easily. And I was still hungry. “Ask your wolf to shift back,” Chal said to Tobias. “We need to question him.” “Not now,” Tobias replied and compulsion filled his words. “Kyle’s too new. Shifting to wolf had to have caused him pain and when he shifts back, if it’s even close to what he went through his first time, he’ll be hurting too much to deal with questions. Let us bring him home tonight, and tomorrow you and your Beta and Peacekeeper will be welcome in my home to speak with him.” “Dougal’s telling the truth,” Mackin said helpfully. “Art took the woman, then made us go with him to Boston North territory for that guy.” He nodded toward me. “He planned to kill him all along.” “You two assisted Art?” Chal’s eyes narrowed. “Perhaps Kyle isn’t the only one who needs to answer questions. Tobias, you and your people have safe passage to take your wolf home. We’ll give him a day’s rest and come to you on Saturday to speak with him.” Tobias inclined his head. “Thank you, Chal.” Kirk stepped forward holding a collar and leash. He looked apologetic as he knelt beside me. “Sorry, Kyle. A bunch of humans walking with a wolf would be noticed. We’re going to have to pretend you’re a dog.” As he bent to fasten the collar around me, he whispered, “Suzannah told me what you did. Thank you.” I sniffed a “you’re welcome” and stood there with the indignity of the collar around me. Tobias took the leash and rubbed between my ears. “You’re pretty damn amazing, Kyle.

206 Karenna Colcroft We’ll talk later. Right now, let’s just get you home.” With him holding the leash, it wasn’t so humiliating.

ChAPteR seventeen Instead of taking me to Tobias’s apartment, they brought me to mine and led me into the living room. I curled up on the floor and Tobias sat cross-legged beside me. “You need to change back now, Kyle,” he said, compulsion underlying his words. “You’re safe. Come back.” I didn’t want to change. Being wolf dulled some of the horror at what I’d done to Art and I didn’t want to face my horror after I shifted back. Besides, I remembered how excruciating the return to human had been the first time. I really preferred to avoid that kind of pain. Tobias rested a hand between my ears and looked into my eyes. “I know what you’re thinking. You were defending yourself, Kyle, nothing more. Stop being so hard on yourself and come back to me.” He turned to Kirk and Suzannah, who’d followed us into the room. “Tofu. Quinoa. Nuts. Bring everything you can find with even a touch of protein in it. He’s going to be starving when he comes out of this.” He hesitated. “Bring some meat, too, just in case.” Suzannah shook her head. “He isn’t going to eat meat. He’s too stubborn.” “Yes, he is.” Tobias sounded proud. “Bring it anyway and then you two go rest.” “Yes, Alpha.” Kirk smiled. “And you can take care of your mate.” They left and I took a deep breath. This was going to hurt and I really wished there was some way I could shift back while unconscious or something. Then I wouldn’t have to feel it. But since that wasn’t possible, I looked up at Tobias. I needed him to help me like he had before. He caught on, fortunately for me. “You can do it,” he said, his voice low and soothing. “I’m here and I’ll do what I can for

208 Karenna Colcroft you. You can rest after you’re human again. Breathe deeply and let yourself return to human.” I tried to breathe deeply. I really did. But when I began to shift and my bones crunched, when my skin felt like it was twisting and turning inside out, I couldn’t breathe anymore. It hurt far too much. My body was never meant to make changes like this. Turning wolf hadn’t been nearly this painful. “Just look at me,” Tobias said softly. His voice held pain too, as if he was trying to take it for me. “You can do this, Kyle. You’ve done it before.” I had no idea how long the change took. I just kept my eyes on Tobias’s face, because it was the only thing that kept me from giving up and stopping somewhere between wolf and human. Finally, I lay naked on my living room floor, shuddering and crying, partly from pain and partly from the memories of what had happened earlier. Tobias pulled me into his arms and rocked me. “You’re okay, Kyle.” “No. I’m not.” I buried my face in his shirt. “I killed a man.” “You killed a shifter who’d gone insane and would have killed you and Suzannah if you hadn’t stopped him,” he said firmly. “I know it’s hard, Kyle. Believe me; I felt the same way after I killed the man who changed me. But you did what you had to do to protect yourself and others.” My apartment door opened and Tobias quickly helped me to my feet. “Go get in bed,” he said. “That’s just Kirk and Suzannah. I’ll bring the food to you in a minute.” He raised his voice. “Wait a minute, guys. Kyle just finished his shift and I need to get him somewhere comfortable.” “No hurry,” Kirk replied. My stomach simultaneously rumbled and churned. I was starving, no question, but thinking about what I’d done left me unsure I’d be able to keep any food down. I took a step toward the bedroom and almost fell. My legs were too wobbly to hold me for long. Tobias wrapped strong arms around me and helped me into the other room, then gently lowered me onto the bed.

sALAd on the side 209 “Cover up,” he said. “Clothes,” I argued. “Eat first then I’ll help you get dressed.” I was too tired to argue any more, so I crawled under the covers and lay on my side. Tobias went back to the other room and thanked Suzannah and Kirk for bringing the food, then repeated his instruction to rest, “or do whatever else you can think of to relax yourselves.” They laughed and after a couple seconds the apartment door closed. Tobias returned, carrying a tray of lentils, tofu, veggie burgers, and enough other protein sources to keep me busy for a while. “There’s meat, too,” he said as he set the tray on the bed beside me. “Do you want me to bring it in?” I shook my head. “No. No meat.” If I hadn’t already been vegan, seeing the remains of Art’s carcass would have made me one. “A vegan werewolf,” he muttered. “Suzannah’s right. You’re stubborn.” “And you love me for it,” I said, even though I didn’t feel much like joking. He was completely serious when he said, “Yes, I do.” I gulped down over half the food on the tray then my eyes decided they didn’t want to stay open anymore. Curling up on my side again, I drifted off to sleep. For the rest of the day, all I did was sleep and eat. Every time I opened my eyes, Tobias was there. Late that night, I finally decided I wanted to get out of bed. Tobias stood in my doorway, watching me fumble my way to my feet. Thanks to the food and sleep, I wasn’t as shaky as earlier, but my legs still weren’t quite sure they wanted to hold me. “Suzannah’s in the living room,” Tobias informed me. “We want to talk to you.” That didn’t sound good, but I couldn’t think of any way to avoid it, so I followed him into the other room. Suzannah was

210 Karenna Colcroft sitting on the couch and when she saw me she stood and gave me a hug. “I’m glad you’re all right. Thank you for what you did.” “I didn’t do anything all that good,” I muttered. “Sit down, Kyle.” Tobias gestured at the couch. His words held the ring of compulsion. I thought about ignoring them anyway then decided to listen. He sat beside me and Suzannah stayed on her feet. “Art was your first kill,” Suzannah said quietly. “I know how badly it can mess with your mind.” “We all do,” Tobias said. “We’ve all been there. Kyle, you saved your own life and Suzannah’s.” “And my wolf liked it,” I said, glaring at him. “My wolf would have drunk the guy’s blood if I’d allowed it.” “Wolves don’t drink blood,” Suzannah said. “That’s vampires. You’re upset because you think you should feel bad for killing Art and it bothers the hell out of you that your wolf doesn’t seem to care.” “I hear your thoughts,” Tobias reminded me. “Not all the time, but you were thinking pretty loudly about how horrible you are. Kyle, your wolf isn’t happy about what he had to do, but he’s matter-of-fact about it. He had to—you had to make a choice between yourself and Art and you chose yourself and your packmate.” “It’s going to take time for you to get over that,” Suzannah said. “Talk to the rest of us, okay? Like Tobias said, all of us have been there. Not necessarily with a human, but even the first animal kill can be kind of squicky. We’re here for you, Kyle.” Tobias took my hand. “Always here.” I nodded. Knowing I had my pack’s support did help. But I still didn’t want to think about what I’d done. “I’m going back to bed.” I walked into the bedroom and closed the door. This time, Tobias didn’t follow. Saturday morning, as threatened—er, promised—Chal and two of his pack members arrived to speak to me about what

sALAd on the side 211 had happened with Art. I’d managed to get out of bed again and shower and I was wearing jeans and a decent shirt. Maybe not quite formal enough to meet with the City Pack’s Alpha, but it was all I could manage. Even after my shower, I still felt coated by Art’s blood and I didn’t want to put on any nicer clothes until I was completely clean. Tobias was still there, of course, and when Chal and the others showed up Mrs. Frelich was right behind them. She called Kirk while Tobias assigned seats to our guests and Kirk hurried into my apartment within minutes. I was sitting on the couch, with Kirk on one side of me and Mrs. Frelich on the other. I wanted Tobias beside me, but he sat next to Chal instead, in my kitchen chairs. Chal’s companions stood on either side of the Alphas. When everyone had settled, Mrs. Frelich stood. “We of the Boston North pack welcome Chal Torres, Alpha of the City Pack, Justin Ruel, Beta of the City Pack, and Carlos Garza, Peacekeeper of the City Pack, to our territory. All accords are in effect.” She sat and Tobias stood and faced the other three wolves. “In our pack’s home, you are welcome and safe.” “In your pack’s home, my pack will bring no trouble,” Chal replied, remaining seated. Tobias sat again. “That’s how it is when one pack’s delegates enters another pack’s territory, Kyle,” he said. “It’s all about the ceremony.” Chal laughed. “We do get a little formal sometimes. Kyle, we’re here only to determine what occurred yesterday. We’ve interviewed Dougal and Mackin already, and they have received sentence for their roles in kidnapping you and Suzannah Daigle. You have nothing more to fear from them.” “I wasn’t really afraid of them,” I said. “It was Art.” And myself, my wolf self, but I didn’t want to say that. He nodded. “Please tell us what happened.” I went through the whole thing, starting with waking up to

212 Karenna Colcroft the realization someone had entered the garden, and going right through everything else except the telepathic communication between Tobias and me. He’d claimed me as mate in front of our pack, but I didn’t know if he wanted other packs knowing he had a male mate. I finished my story with Art’s attack on me and how I’d killed him. I still had a little trouble with that one. I wanted to be repulsed by the memory, to feel remorse and regret and all those things that would mean I had a conscience. Except the human me who had the conscience wasn’t the one who’d killed Art. The wolf in me had done that and he had no regrets because he’d only done what was necessary to survive. Sleeping on what Suzannah and Tobias had said the night before had helped me understand it a little better, but it still bothered me. When I finished, Chal stood. “Thank you for being so honest, Kyle. I believe you have committed no act of aggression against my pack. Art was one of mine, but he violated both pack and human law and I have no doubt you acted in self-defense.” He turned to Tobias. “There is no conflict between our packs. Of the three who left your pack for mine, only Katrine will be allowed to join City Pack. Dougal was directly involved with Art’s plan and he and Mackin have both stated that Melia provoked Art’s attack. Those three have been sentenced to death.” “Death?” I demanded. “Why?” Tobias put his hand on my arm. “Quiet, please.” “Melia and Art attempted to instigate war between our packs,” Chal replied coolly. “Mackin and Dougal aided them. That is an offense punishable by death in our laws.” He paused. “Mackin and Dougal requested leniency. They claim they were influenced by Art and Melia. Tobias?” “I don’t know Mackin,” Tobias replied. “Dougal, I believe would be easily influenced. I think he only left my pack because Melia and Katrine, er, persuaded him.” His tone made it pretty clear what method of “persuasion” he believed Melia and Katrine had used.

sALAd on the side 213 “Mackin is also easily led.” Chal closed his eyes for a moment. “Melia has escaped. This morning, she was gone. We are looking for her. She is dangerous in her instability.” “I agree and I apologize for sending her to your pack,” Tobias said. “It is of no concern,” Chal assured him. “You didn’t send her or the others. You allowed them to leave your pack. I believe Art drew them to mine. Until Melia is found, I will keep Dougal and Mackin confined. Alive, but alone. If and when Melia is brought to justice, we will reconsider the punishment for the other two.” He smiled at me and I found it a little creepy. Predatory. An Alpha smile. I hoped Tobias never smiled at me that way. “Does that satisfy you, Tobias?” Chal asked. “It does.” Tobias also stood. “Thank you for your attention to the matter. I agree; there is no conflict between our packs.” The two Alphas shook hands and apparently that ended the meeting. Chal and his companions left and so did Kirk and Mrs. Frelich. Tobias started to say something to me, but before he could, I went back into the bedroom. I was too tired to hear him. I wasn’t sure the result satisfied me. I didn’t want anyone put to death, of course, but the knowledge that Melia was still out there somewhere scared the shit out of me. “Instability” was a pretty weak term to describe her mental state and I worried what she might do if she found her way back into our territory. I was too tired to think about that for long, either. I lay down and fell asleep. By Monday morning, I’d recovered enough to go to the office, where my boss greeted me as casually as if I hadn’t missed a full week. Apparently he’d believed whatever story Susannah had told him, which surprised me. I made a mental note to find out what she’d said, in case I needed an excuse another time. I sort of got back into the swing of things, but every time I had a spare second to let my mind wander, images of Art’s body—the human one—flashed through my brain. I didn’t feel as horrible about it as I had over the weekend, but I still definitely

214 Karenna Colcroft didn’t want to think about what I’d done. So I tried to overwork. I arrived home to find Tobias rummaging through my fridge. No surprise there. Over the past few days, he’d begun treating my apartment like an extension of his own. “We really need to just move in together,” he said without looking at me. “Then you wouldn’t feel like I’m invading your space, because it would be our space.” “Good evening, honey, how are you? I’m fine, had a good day at work.” I kicked my shoes off and walked over to him. “I don’t think the pack is ready for their Alpha to have a live-in lover yet. They’re still getting used to us being mates.” “They’re more used to it than they were before you—before the other night.” He’d learned not to mention Art’s death, even though he and the rest of the pack seemed to take it as a matter of course. “At least none of them are telling me you’re bad for me anymore.” “Together we form more than the sum of our parts.” Cliché, but true. We’d played around a little with Tobias’s Alpha powers after I’d told him about my communications with Suzannah. Not only did I have the ability to access his powers, I also strengthened them when he used them. That had gone a long way to shutting up the pack about love weakening their Alpha. “Sure.” He turned from the fridge with a saran-wrapped bowl in his hands, a bowl which hadn’t been there that morning. “Ripe strawberries, fresh from the garden.” Leaning over the bowl, Tobias inhaled deeply and sighed. “This is what you had planned the night Melia bit you, right? You wanted to pick strawberries for the dinner we didn’t get to have?” “This and homemade spaghetti sauce.” I opened the fridge and took out the spray can of whipped topping. “You’ll have to wait on the spaghetti. I haven’t had time to make the sauce.” “Hey, a man who feeds me is a man after my own heart. It’ll be worth the wait.” He took the can from me and turned it to read the ingredient list. “Thought you were vegan.” “Non-dairy.” I pointed to the words on the label. “That means

sALAd on the side 215 it’s safe for vegan consumption. Would you like to put it on your strawberries or are you just going to use it for reading material?” The front of my shirt was suddenly covered with spurts of white topping. “Oops, sorry.” Tobias’s eyes widened in mock innocence. “I didn’t mean to do that.” “You jerk. This is my best work shirt!” I scooped some of the “cream” onto one finger and held it up in front of his face. “Look what you did.” He took my hand and guided it to his mouth, where he slowly licked my finger clean. My cock twitched and swelled in my jeans. Holy shit. All my fantasies about him flooded into my mind and I closed my eyes to fight off the urge to crush my mouth against his. Since the incident with Art, Tobias and I had only hugged and kissed, and the kisses had been mild. Now I wanted him so desperately I thought my cock would explode before he even touched it. “Tastes pretty good,” he murmured, releasing my hand. “Look at me, Kyle.” If the eyes were really the windows to the soul, the way the old cliché claimed, the moment I looked at him he’d know how much I wanted him. But his voice didn’t leave room for disobedience. He was the Alpha and that meant I did what he said, even in human form. Even if I really, really didn’t want to. I followed his command and opened my eyes. With a facesplitting grin, he pulled the neck of my shirt open and sprayed a stream of whipped topping down over my skin. “There, is that better?” “Asshole!” I couldn’t help laughing. I yanked off my shirt and surveyed the damage. Topping streaked my chest, dotting my nipples. “You’d better clean this off, Tobias.” “Yeah? And how would you like me to do that, Kyle?” He turned my name into a low growl. In his eyes, I saw something wild. Not wolf. Something more primal than that. Before I could squelch the impulse, I replied, “Lick it off.”

216 Karenna Colcroft He ran his tongue over his lips. Orange flame kindled in his gaze and he bent and licked a line across my chest from one nipple to the other. I shuddered and clutched the counter behind me to keep from being knocked over by the rush of arousal coursing through me. My dick hardened to the point of pain and I let out a low moan. “Does that feel as good as you taste?” He sucked my nipple between his lips and clamped down lightly with his teeth. “Fuck, yeah,” I gasped. “Tobias—” I stopped, not knowing whether to beg him to stop or to keep going, to bring us both past the point where anything mattered other than the physical. The point where we could forget about everything and just rip off our clothes and fuck. I was pretty much already there. “You’re not clean yet.” He swirled his tongue over my skin. “I think I like this even better than fresh strawberries.” “Tobias!” I closed my eyes and let my body take over. The point of contact between his tongue and my chest grew to a bonfire that spread through me. My cock strained against the front of my jeans, wanting release in every sense of the word. And he didn’t stop. Making soft sounds of pleasure, low grunts bordering on growls, he licked every spot of topping from me. I tensed and thought frantically of baseball and my former next-door neighbor’s hugely ugly housedresses to keep the explosion of my climax at bay. Finally, he looked up with a satisfied smirk. “All clean.” “Fuck.” I leaned against the counter, breathing heavily.

He laughed, a rich sound rolling over me like warm water.

Without speaking, he unfastened his button-fly jeans and shoved them to the floor. His long cock sprang up against his abdomen with the force of its release, a droplet at its tip. He picked up the spray can and squirted a ring around his dick. “Banana split? You did say you like topping.” I cracked up. “You are a dork, you know that?”

sALAd on the side 217 “Yeah.” His tone turned serious. “Your dork.” “My mate.” I dropped to my knees. “I’m going to lick you clean,” I said hoarsely. “Good.” His fingers twined through my hair. “And then?” “And then.” I licked up his shaft from the base to the tip and enjoyed the power surge from hearing his soft moan. “And then, we’ll fuck.” He tugged my hair until I had to look up at him. “Then we’ll make love,” he corrected. “Even if it does feel like fucking. I love you, Kyle.” I let go of his cock and gave him a big, goofy grin. I’d caught myself doing that a few times around him over the weekend. “I love you, too.” I closed my mouth over the head of his dick. “So let me get you all cleaned up.” He leaned against the counter, making quiet sounds of pleasure as I licked the sweet whipped cream from his cock and balls. His sounds took on an urgency as I cleaned him completely, tasting the slight salt of his sweat under the cream, and his body tensed. When I plunged my mouth down over his smooth shaft, he cried my name and shuddered as he came. His cock twitched and he thrust involuntarily into my mouth several times as waves of climax hit him. I held him until I was certain I’d swallowed every spurt of his bitter tang. He took several deep breaths then gasped, “God. Fuck, Kyle, so good. Get up.” I stood to wipe my mouth with a piece of paper towel. “Too sweet,” I said. “Whipped cream can be.” He shook with an aftershock. “Not the cream. You.” I kissed him. “Go wash. I don’t want whipped cream up my ass.” He blinked. “I thought you liked being the giver.” “Usually. Sometimes I’m in a receiving mood.” I fondled him and he groaned. “Sometimes there’s nothing like my lover’s nice, hard dick in my ass and that’s what I want right now. So go wash

218 Karenna Colcroft and I’ll be in the bedroom with the lube.” His eyes lit with lust and something deeper. Along our bond, I felt his arousal peak again and smiled to myself. “Be right there,” he said, pulling away from me. He left his clothes where they lay and I picked them up and folded them on the counter before going to the bedroom. If we ever did live together, I’d have to teach him to pick up after himself. By the time he entered the bedroom, I was naked on the bed, lying on my stomach with the lube in one hand. He pounced on me and planted kisses down my back and over my ass cheeks. “You really want me inside you?” he asked softly. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have said it.” I turned onto my side to look at him. “Sometimes I like a change, and right now I want the man I love to put his cock inside my ass and show me how much he wants me.” Not only sappy talk; sappy porn talk. I didn’t care. Somewhere in the recovery from Art’s attack, between eating, sleeping, and trying to wipe the memory of a throatless corpse from my mind, I’d accepted the mating bond completely; had accepted that even if we weren’t mates, I would be in love with Tobias. Maybe it had something to do with the way he’d stayed with me, soothing me with words and touch whether my pain was physical or mental. That helped me understand how much he loved me, at least, and if I could accept that, it was only a small step to accepting that I loved him. They say there’s one true match for everyone in the world, and as far as I was concerned, I’d found mine, so a little sappiness was warranted. He kissed me deeply. His tongue pushed between my lips and I sucked lightly on it, making him moan into my mouth. He stroked my hair and I ran my hand down his chest, tracing the muscles and feeling the strands of hair there. My cock stiffened to the point of aching and for a second I thought he might make me come just by kissing me. He broke the kiss and grinned. “Give me that fucking lube.” I handed him the bottle. He studied it as if looking for

sALAd on the side 219 instructions. “Do you want me to get you off first?” I shook my head. “I think that’ll happen while you’re fucking me.” If he touched me now, I’d go off like a horny teenager. “If you say so.” He squirted some lube onto his hand and rubbed it on his dick, then swatted my ass. “Turn over.” I did and cold lube squirted onto my ass. He used his finger to spread it around and inside my channel. I tensed for a second, because I was used to penetrating, not being penetrated. I’d meant what I said, though. I wanted to give this to Tobias, so I relaxed. He slipped his finger further in and I whimpered as my cock became even harder. The pressure of his finger was slightly uncomfortable; a long time had passed since I’d been on the receiving end. But pleasure far outweighed the discomfort. Every slippery shift of his finger made me shiver. Arousal drowned me and I wanted to grab him and ram into him to fuck him so hard he screamed. Except this time, he’d be the one fucking me, and as much as I wanted to I couldn’t force him to take me any faster. He withdrew his finger and his cock touched my opening. “You want this,” he said hoarsely. It wasn’t a question. “I want your cock inside me, yeah,” I murmured. “Fuck me, Tobias.” Slowly, too slowly, he entered me. I knew he took his time to avoid hurting me and wanted to tell him to stop worrying and just do it. The exquisite pleasure of him sliding into my ass kept my mouth shut. A pleasure that went beyond physical. The man I loved was taking me, making me completely his as I’d done to him. At least, I hoped he’d take me completely eventually. He pushed into me so slowly I thought I’d go crazy. I was wound so tight I feared I’d come the second his penis brushed against the right spot inside me, and yet I wanted him there. I wanted to be claimed by him and at the same time I wanted this slow claiming to last. As much as I wanted him all the way in, this delightful torture brought my arousal to the boiling point and beyond and I didn’t want to stop it.

220 Karenna Colcroft We would have other times to do it fast. We were mates, lovers, and we had all the time in the world to be together. Finally he rested against me. “I’m in,” he gasped, sounding awed. “Fuck!” “That’s what you’re supposed to do now,” I agreed. I moved slightly forward then back against him. “Please. Tobias, please!” He took up a slow rhythm. I rocked against him, meeting each of his thrusts. Something swirled around us, sending warm chills through me. Lust, magic, love; all or none. It didn’t matter. Tobias and I were mates, and sex with him would always be like this. Fucking was great, but being in love made it so much better. Sap, I thought. Stop thinking so much, Tobias replied, laughing into my mind. And then he took hold of my cock and I stopped thinking as he stroked me, his hand still slick with lube. The friction of his touch, along with the incredible feel of his cock inside me, pushed me to the brink. Added to my own pleasure, I felt Tobias’s. The tight grip of my ass on his cock. The intense pressure building inside him. All of it, his arousal and mine, his climax and mine, filled me to the breaking point. My balls tightened and I barely managed enough coherence to shout, “Tobias!” as I came, not knowing whose orgasm I experienced and not really giving a shit. Shudders rocked me again and again as I spasmed, dimly aware and not minding a bit that I’d have to change my bedding later. Tobias grunted and cried out something that might have been my name and I felt, whether in his body or my own, his climax shooting into me, filling me. Claiming me. Tobias withdrew almost as slowly as he’d entered me and stretched out on his side next to me. I moved over slightly to avoid the wet spot and dropped onto my stomach, smiling at him. “Pretty good for your first time.” He toyed with my hair. “I see why you like that so much.”

sALAd on the side 221 “So I’ve turned you into a top?” He shook his head. “I like receiving. This will do for occasional variety.” Throwing his arm over me, he snuggled against me and grimaced at the stickiness his cock left on my leg. “I should probably have cleaned up first.” “We’ll clean up in a minute and then you can help me change the bed.” I kissed his lips. “I hope you have a lot of stamina, because that was fucking incredible and I’m going to want a whole lot more of it, no matter who winds up inside whom.” “Grammatically correct even with the blood not quite back to your brain,” he teased. “You’ll have a whole lot more, I promise. Though it’d be a lot more convenient to make love to you if we lived in the same place.” “Not yet.” I honestly didn’t think the pack was quite ready for that. And I knew I wasn’t. I’d spend the rest of my life with Tobias, but it could begin slowly. I needed slow. “Give me time, okay? You know I love you.” He smiled. “I know. Even if you never said it, I’d know.” He touched my forehead. “I hear it in my mind. Don’t stop saying it out loud, though, okay?” “I love you,” I said. “I love you, I love you, I love you. How many more times shall I say it, oh, Alpha?” “Maybe a billion.” He smacked my ass. “And don’t ever call me Alpha in bed again. I love you, you goof.” I turned to my side and pulled him to me. Holding him, I felt everything he’d ever felt. All the pain, sadness, and losses in his life. And the love and strength that outlasted it. The love he trusted me enough to share. Mine, I thought. Completely. He kissed my shoulder. Now let’s clean up. And that’s an order. I laughed and obeyed, because he was the Alpha, which meant I did what he said. Because I wanted to.

About the AuthoR KARENNA COLCROFT is the alter ego of a shy, sedate wife and mother. She’s been writing since age five. In 2006, she wrote her first erotic romance scene on a challenge from a friend, and was hooked. Her first erotic romance e-book was released in spring 2009. Since then, she’s been published by several e-publishers. Karenna lives in the northeastern United States with her two children, her real-life romance hero husband, and two cats. Visit Karenna on the internet at: http://www. karennacolcroft.com

Trademarks Acknowledgment The author acknowledges the trademark status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction: Dunkin Donuts - Dunkin’ Donuts USA Mustang - Ford Motor Company