Copyright
Published by Dreamspinner Press 382 NE 191st Street #88329 Miami, FL 33179-3899, USA http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Roots and Wings Copyright © 2011 by D.W. Marchwell Cover Art by Catt Ford All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press, 382 NE 191st Street #88329, Miami, FL 33179-3899, USA http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ ISBN: 978-1-61372-188-9 Printed in the United States of America First Edition November 2011 eBook edition available eBook ISBN: 978-1-61372-189-6
Dedications
For Frank, Philip, Stacia, and all the fans who wanted a third story: Thank you for your patience and your support. For Michael Thomas Ford: Your stories helped me find my way back home.
There are only two lasting bequests we can leave our children; one is roots, the other, wings. —Hodding Carter
Roots and Wings
Chapter 1 WILLIAM sat on the edge of his bed, scratching behind Billie’s ears, wondering when his father would come up to speak with him. He hadn’t meant to arrive home late this evening; it had just happened. He was at Wayde’s house, and they’d gotten to talking, and William hadn’t thought even once to check the clock or his watch. He’d been enjoying himself. He’d thought about trying to sneak into the house, but that would have just made things worse. He would probably be in enough trouble; he didn’t need to be adding fuel to the flames. No, William had told himself when he’d pulled up in David’s car—which was actually now his car—I’ll go in and tell the truth. But then there was that problem. How was he going to be able to tell his dad the truth about what had had him so scared that he was talking to Wayde? He knew that he could tell his dads anything and that they would understand, but he didn’t want this to be true, didn’t want them to find out what he’d done. They would probably be really angry with him for having been so careless and thoughtless. He wasn’t normally like that, but he hadn’t been able to help himself. It was as if his own brain had betrayed him. Or was it another body part a little lower down that had done his thinking for him? You’re almost seventeen years old, he scolded himself. Old enough to know better. William sat up straight, hearing someone coming. It was probably Jerry; David’s footsteps were a lot lighter on the hardwood. Billie looked up at him, tilting her head. William figured that she knew that something was up. He comforted her, scratching behind her ears again and under her chin. It’s okay, Billie, he’s not going to be angry with you. William breathed in and out, slow, deep breaths, and prepared himself for a scolding, and maybe more. He just hoped he would be able to handle the look of disappointment on his father’s face.
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He heard the knock at the door. “Come in,” William said. Even if they were sore at him, his fathers never, ever, entered his room without his permission. He heard the sound of the knob turning and then the creaky hinge whined as the door opened. “Hi, Dad, I’m really sorry. Wayde and I were talking, and I forgot to check the time. It’ll never happen again. I promise.” William made an X over his heart, which he figured would beat out of his chest any minute now. “Son,” Jerry said as he approached, sat beside William, and reached down to pet Billie. “We trust you, William. We believe you if you say it won’t happen again, but that’s not what I came up here for.” William felt his whole body relax. Jerry always used the word “we,” even if David wasn’t in the room. But his sense of relief was brief. William saw the look of concern on his father’s face and began to worry. “What’s wrong, Dad?” William felt a twinge of panic when his father didn’t answer right away, remembering then that he’d not seen David when he came into the house. And David was almost always there to welcome William home. Jerry had been in the office, on the phone, seeming upset and distracted—at me, William had figured. But he didn’t remember seeing David. “Is it David? Is something wrong? Where is he?” “Shhh,” Jerry soothed, putting an arm around his son’s shoulders. “No, no, nothing is wrong. David’s fine.” Jerry turned slightly to look at William. “Or at least he will be, but he’ll need our help.” “Where is he?” “While you were at Wayde’s, your grandfather Niels called to tell David that your grandmother was in a car accident.” “Is she okay?” William had never met David’s mother, the only member of his family he hadn’t met yet. David had said that it would probably happen one day, just as it had happened with David’s sisters and their children. Now, with this news, William wondered if he would ever get to meet her. “She was in a car accident. She lost consciousness and hit a lamp post on the street,” Jerry said, and William heard the heavy sigh from his father. “She was taken to the hospital. Your grandfather thinks it
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might be due to her diabetes. I guess she refuses to take her insulin or to check her blood sugar levels, and….” “Is David at the hospital?” William saw Jerry look at him and nod. “Can we go be with him?” Jerry smiled at him and tightened his arm. “Any other time, he’d love that, partner, but we’ll make sure we’re here for him when he gets home. Help him. Maybe do the cooking and laundry for a while.” William grimaced involuntarily at the thought of Jerry’s cooking, but then he heard the deep, rumbling laugh that had frightened him the first time he’d heard it almost seven years ago. But now, William loved to hear his father laugh, especially when Jerry was teasing David. And then there was David, his other father. David always thought that William didn’t know about his family, didn’t know that they’d abandoned David because of his sexual orientation. But William knew, and would never understand how anyone would not want David around. William loved everything about David; he was kind, smart, and funny. And there was no one else who could make William feel better, about everything, as fast as David could. Just by sitting beside him and stroking his head, David could always make William see that things would get better. “Whatever he needs, Dad.” Jerry shook his head, the big smile on his face making William feel like he’d said the right thing. “He loves you, very much, cowboy. When he left for the hospital, his first thought was for you, made me promise that I’d tell you not to worry about him.” Even though he was a teenager now, William still found himself overwhelmed by how lucky he was to have found David and Jerry. His eyes burned when he thought of David in the hospital, waiting to hear about a mother who’d abandoned him, and how David was still worrying about William. “I love him too, Dad. Love both of you, and Cory.” “Not Tara?” Jerry asked, nudging his shoulder. William laughed and nudged his father back. “Yeah, I guess. She makes Cory happy.” It wasn’t like William hated her, but more a constant reminder of what he’d been going through lately.
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“And you make us happy, chief.” Jerry kissed the side of his head. “You feel like coming down to the kitchen, keeping your old man company over some ice cream?” “’Kay,” William said and stood when his father did. “Do you think we should go out and get him some ice cream sandwiches?” Jerry put his arm around his son’s shoulders again. “A whole box?” “Two boxes,” William countered and smiled when his father laughed again. As they reached the stairs, Jerry released his hold on William. “You know, I think you might actually be taller than David now.” William smiled and stood a little straighter, squaring his broad shoulders as he descended the stairs to the kitchen. “Remember how I used to drive David crazy, asking him to measure me every day?” William pointed to the wall at the entrance to the kitchen. “He never said anything about it. Just measured me and told me to keep eating right and exercising.” William turned to face his father when he reached the table, his father getting the bowls and spoons and handing them over, then grabbing the ice cream from the freezer. “Dad? Do you think we could send some flowers and a card?” Jerry arranged the bowls and spoons and ice cream on the table, and brought his hand to his son’s cheek. “We’ll see about that in the morning, cowboy.” William was a little stunned when Jerry, all of a sudden, wrapped him up in a big bear hug. “You’re a good man, William. And David will love that you thought of that, to do that for him and his mother.” William felt the flush creep up his cheeks. He was used to the almost-constant touching and hugging from David, but when Jerry did it, William knew he’d done something really great. But as he sat down at the table and filled both bowls with ice cream, he turned to study his dad while he got the chocolate sauce and the cherries. Will he still feel the same way when he finds out what I’ve done?
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“DO YOU know when he’ll be back?” Jerry looked over at his son, not really sure of the answer. He wouldn’t be surprised if David stayed there all night, frantic for any bit of news, and so conscious of how much his sisters needed him. “I don’t know, son. I’m hoping that he’ll be back soon.” “Did she abandon him just because he’s gay?” William’s voice was hushed, as if he thought they weren’t all alone in the house. The question shocked Jerry a little bit. He looked up, his face probably showing confusion, into William’s eyes and saw William shrug. “I’ve known for a while. I sometimes hear the two of you talking when you think I can’t hear you.” William looked down at his ice cream, something he only did when he felt he’d done something wrong, and Jerry worried for both of his boys. David would not like the idea that William knew this piece of information, and William obviously didn’t like the idea that someone had hurt David. “I think that’s probably a big part of the reason, son.” Jerry let his spoon drop into the bowl, the ice cream only half-eaten. “But I also think that David and your grandmother are very much alike. David was always… concerned… at how your grandmother treated her own mother. I don’t think that David really understood why his mother did some of the things she did.” Jerry shrugged and picked his spoon back up. “And I don’t think your grandmother really approved of some of the choices that David made.” Jerry thought he could see some wheels turning in William’s head. He’d seemed distracted lately, as if he was working some problems out on his own. If that was the case, Jerry didn’t want to push his son into talking until he felt ready to speak about it. It was one of the many things that David had taught him about parenting. And it was one of the reasons Jerry had this life he loved so much. His days were filled with love and happiness and every emotion Jerry had always thought made other men, lesser men, weak. But here he was, sitting with his son, both of them worried about a man who meant the world to them. Jerry sat across from William, his heart torn between the love he felt for this wonderful young man he and David had raised together and
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the ache he felt for what his husband was going through, alone, at the hospital. He wanted to be there beside his husband, but David was right; someone had to be home for William. And while Jerry was happy to be the one to stay home with their son, he knew he wouldn’t be sleeping very well tonight; he never did when David wasn’t sleeping beside him. And when he came back, David would be hurting. Nothing in the world hurt Jerry as much as seeing one of his men in pain. But Jerry would make sure that he was there for his husband. The man had given him everything, had been everything to him every day for the last seven years, and Jerry would make sure he was taken care of and got what he needed, got whatever Jerry could give. Seven years. It was hard to believe sometimes that Jerry had had his own family for almost seven years now. William only had another year of high school, and then he would be going off to university to become a veterinarian. Jerry and David would have the house to themselves. And while Jerry had plenty of activities planned to keep them busy—activities that wouldn’t see them out of the bedroom too often—he was already beginning to worry about how David would cope without William and Cory. It wasn’t like David would be a complete basket case, but Jerry knew his husband well enough to know that David would definitely go through some withdrawal. Empty nest, Jerry had heard it called. Just last night Jerry and David had been in bed, their arms around each other, when David had commented on how empty the house would seem without William. Cory had only been with them for two years before he left for Ryerson University, but David had felt that absence like a physical, palpable thing. David had spent the last seven years nurturing and loving and worrying about William, so Jerry didn’t even want to think what would happen to David when William finally left home. Jerry looked up at the handsome face of his son, always so taken aback by the bright blue eyes and the tousled blond hair. William had not worn a buzz cut in quite a few years, but Jerry would always think of his son that way. The small, scared little boy who’d shown up on his doorstep seven years ago was now almost a grown man. William was
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six feet tall, healthy, handsome, and one of the kindest, most loving people he’d ever met. He knew he’d played a part in that, but he also knew it was David who had helped that frightened ten-year-old little boy become the fine young man Jerry was so proud to call his son. “Dad?” Jerry smiled at his son, wondering how long he’d been off in his own little world. “Sorry?” “Can I talk to you about something?” “Of course—” Jerry didn’t finish his sentence when he heard the front door open. He was out of his chair and had his arms wrapped around David before the tired man could even get his boots off. He didn’t say anything at first. Then he felt arms around his waist, and heard the long sigh that came from David’s tired body. “How is she?” “They may have to amputate her left arm,” David said, his voice a mere whisper. “It was pretty banged up in the crash. But the doctor was quite clear that if she didn’t start taking better care of herself, stop the drinking and use her insulin, that she won’t last much longer.” Jerry said nothing. What could he say? He kissed the top of David’s head and held on as he felt the first tremors shoot through his husband’s body. He knew that this wonderful man would try to be brave, but he also knew that the tears and the grieving would come soon enough. And Jerry would make sure he was there to do whatever he could.
“DAVID?” David heard William’s voice and looked past Jerry to see their beautiful son looking so worried. He forced a smile and let go of Jerry. “Did you have fun with Wayde?” David knew he’d been busted, that William obviously knew why he hadn’t been here to welcome William when he got home, but he didn’t want to burden their son with news that none of them was able to do anything about.
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“I’m sorry about your mom,” William said as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around David. If David had been successful at fending off the inevitable tears while Jerry had held him and had caressed his back, he failed miserably once he heard those words, felt the love and the worry coming from this tall, strapping young man. “Can I make you something to eat?” William asked as David pulled away slightly and brushed the hair out of his son’s eyes. “Dad and I were just having ice cream. I think we still have some vanilla left.” “No,” David said, forcing a smile and releasing William. Thank you God, David thought, as he looked at their son and realized he was actually shorter than William. “I think you’re taller than I am now.” William laughed. “Dad said the same thing before you got back.” “How about popcorn and a movie?” Jerry had his arms around both of them, walking them to the kitchen. David broke free momentarily to toe off his shoes and then returned to the safety and comfort of Jerry’s arms. “Can it be a comedy?” “How about that new one by Adam something-or-other, the guy from SNL?” William asked. He was at the table, collecting the bowls and moving them to the sink to rinse and place in the dishwasher. David watched for a moment as William fetched the popcorn, the butter, the salt, and the popcorn maker. It was retro, like the one he remembered using as a child. Full circle, he thought as he realized that the roles were already reversing. Just as David would now begin to care for his ailing parents, William was now beginning to care for him and Jerry. “Sounds good to me,” David said as he let himself be led to the living room. Jerry’s arm was still around him as they both sat on the sofa, Jerry’s lips finding his temple and kissing it slowly. “I’m sorry to say, baby, that William knows about your mother disowning you.”
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David looked up quickly, wondering how their son could have possibly found out. I was so careful, David thought. “You told him?” “No, sir,” Jerry whispered, his deep voice still able to cause shivers up and down David’s spine. “Told me he hears us talking when we think he can’t hear us.” “Fuck,” David muttered and let his head sink back onto Jerry’s shoulder. “Wants to know if he can send some flowers and a card.” David lifted his head again, and this time, he felt a smile of pride curl his lips. “God, I love that boy,” David said as Jerry kissed his forehead. “He is the most amazing young man.” “Thanks to you,” Jerry said as he pulled David closer. “I wish she could have known you,” David sighed against Jerry’s muscular chest. “Known you and William and Cory.” “There’s still hope,” Jerry said, his voice full of confidence. David wasn’t so sure that he agreed with Jerry this time. “I guess,” David said as William came into the living room with a big bowl of popcorn and sat on Jerry’s other side. David watched as William picked up the remote and pressed the button for pay-per-view. Jerry had his arms around him and their son, and David felt such happiness in that one moment. The four of them would not end up like David’s own family. Even though David had reconnected with all of them, except his mother, there had been all of those long, endless, lonely years in between. He would never let that happen to his family. “Oh,” Jerry said as the opening sequence of the film began. “Got a phone call from Cory. He and Tara are coming out for a visit. Said they’ll be here for about a week or so this time around.”
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Chapter 2 DAVID sat at the kitchen table, his chin propped in one of his hands, as he read over the rough draft of the essay for a third time. When he’d returned with his family from Italy, he’d spent the remaining six months of that year homeschooling both William and Cory, and discovered something rather peculiar. He’d not missed being in the classroom as much as he’d anticipated. At the time, he’d chalked it up to the excitement of living in Europe and the newness of his family. There had been plenty of distractions to keep his mind off of what had been his daily routine of the past twenty years. But when he’d been told by the school board that his old position was ready and waiting for him, David had begun to have second thoughts. He’d discussed them at length, of course, with Jerry, hoping that his husband would tell him just to go back to the classroom and the job he adored. But Jerry had said nothing of the kind. He’d simply smiled and asked David what could possibly be causing this desire to give up the job he’d once been so passionate about. Although David didn’t have an answer right away, he eventually figured it out. He was worried that if he went back to the classroom, he’d be there for another twenty years and would never be able to realize another dream of his, a dream he’d not given much thought until he saw his boys pursuing their own passions. The decision made, David extended his leave of absence, invited Lenore out to dinner one night, and told her of his desire to become a guidance counselor. Lenore, of course, had been thrilled with the idea, although David wasn’t sure why she’d been surprised; he’d often discussed the idea of making that switch with her in the past. He’d gone back to university at the age of forty-four, surrounded by fellow
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students who seemed like babies to him, and had worked hard to obtain his bachelor’s degree in psychology. He’d returned to the school division as a guidance counselor—although now he was at the high school—after a three-year absence, and had found he loved the job so much that he returned to part-time studies to obtain his master’s. So, here he was at the kitchen table, a guidance counselor, holding a brand new master’s as of last April and diligently working toward a PhD. Jerry had been nothing but supportive of David’s new goals, and had even taken to calling him Doc. It made David laugh, and got him thinking about opening his own practice. He had always planned to retire early from teaching and to travel or pursue other studies in art or linguistics, but the last seven years had shown him how young lives could be completely transformed by a little love and understanding. And that David knew he had in abundance. He stood up from the table when the words started blurring together, taking a moment to stretch out his back, and then headed outside to see what his men were up to. Jerry had been very worried lately about King. The beautiful black beauty had not been himself for almost a week. He wasn’t eating as much anymore, and he seemed disinterested in his usual activities. When they put him out to pasture to graze, King spent the time in one spot, flicking his tail occasionally, and ambling back to the barn before too long. They’d checked his diet, upping the alfalfa content of the grass/alfalfa mix they’d been feeding him, and had even checked his teeth to see if he might be having a problem chewing. His manure seemed fine, the balls easily broken in half, so they’d been at a loss as to what could be the problem other than old age. But King had really scared them last week when William had found him in the barn, resting a foreleg instead of his usual back leg. William had taken him out to the pasture where King immediately lay down and began to roll restlessly around, not sunning himself like he usually did. As he made his way to the barn, David remembered how panicked and upset William had been to see the majestic horse in such a state. He’d run back into the house to get Jerry, who’d called the vet. It had turned out to be colic and an unexpected case of worms. King
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had now been on everyone’s radar for the past week. They’d each taken turns getting up to go out and spend some time with the stallion that had them all worried. King meant a great deal to all of them, but especially to David. It had been King that had helped William and David to bond seven years ago when David had come to do a routine visit to meet the student who’d just lost his parents and had been sent to live with a second cousin. That afternoon spent with William and Jerry had changed David’s life. He’d met the love of his life, Jerry, and had fallen in love with the shy, too-small William, eventually adopting him just before his twelfth birthday. “How’s our boy doing?” David said as he moved up to where William was brushing King’s coat. “Hey, how are you, boy?” David caressed the horse’s head, and King whinnied, as if in protest of being called a boy, and pushed his head into David’s hand. “I think he’s getting better,” William said, his smile bright.
DAVID moved forward and pulled William into a quick hug, placing an equally quick kiss on William’s temple. “I’m sorry,” David said when he stepped back. “I know I should stop doing that, but….” “I don’t mind. Honest.” “Okay,” David said with a smile. “Do you have any requests for dinner tonight?” “Lasagna!” David heard Jerry’s voice mixed with William’s. Jerry was obviously in his studio, preparing his final few pieces for his next showing in Toronto. Kitty had made all of the arrangements and had even pre-sold several pieces to the galleries and museums across Canada and the States. “Aren’t you two sick of lasagna yet?” “No!” The two men responded in unison, making David laugh. “Okay, lasagna it is.” David moved toward the ladder, wanting to see his husband. “That will actually work out well since Cory and Tara have already requested Swiss steak with baked potatoes and green
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beans for Sunday dinner, so you won’t have to live without your lasagna this week.” David reached the top of the stairs, and shook his head when he heard his son mutter, “Sweet.” “And you,” David said as he sidled up to his husband, his voice a seductive whisper. “I came up to thank you for taking such good care of me the last couple of days.” Jerry wrapped his arms around his husband and kissed him soundly on the lips. “Oh, it’s been such a chore lying with you in bed or on the sofa, kissing these lips, and making love to this body,” Jerry whispered and kissed David’s forehead. “But it’s nice to be recognized for all my hard work.” “I love you, Jerry.” David’s arms traced a trail along Jerry’s back as they came up to rest at his shoulder blades. “I don’t know how I would have gotten through this without you and William.” “Love you too, Doc,” Jerry said with a smile, brushing the hair out of David’s eyes. “Time for a haircut, I think.” “I know,” David groaned. “I’ve been so busy lately that I haven’t had time to make an appointment.” “The gray is really, really sexy, baby,” Jerry cooed as he moved his legs apart so that he and David were eye to eye. David had three patches of gray running through his hair now. He had not gone gray as early as his father, nor had he had an overall change to gray like his father. Instead, Jerry had noticed one day a few gray strands at the left temple, just off his forehead and the other behind his right ear. They had quickly developed into patches and had been the source of many discussions between David and Jerry. David had thought of dyeing his hair, but Jerry said he loved the look, so David had done nothing with them. “I’m catching up to you,” David said trailing his hands back down the broad, muscled back. “Still have the ass of a twenty-year-old, though.” David swatted playfully at Jerry’s ass and leaned up for a kiss. Jerry didn’t use the line often, but only lately since David had started to notice that he wasn’t looking as young as he once did. David wasn’t
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necessarily vain, but he’d always appeared to be much younger than his actual age. So, seeing the lines and the little brown spots on his arms made him realize that everything continued to move forward. There was no calling a time-out so that he could memorize every detail of his time with Jerry and William and Cory. There were plenty of videos and pictures, but David didn’t like the feeling that he would be without William, very soon, in the house. Cory had already left for university, and it had been rough. David couldn’t imagine how he was going to cope with William’s departure. David’s hands moved up to cup Jerry’s face as the kiss continued, strong and passionate as ever. Both men finally came up for air. “I’ll go in and get the lasagna ready,” David said as he took one last kiss and then moved to the ladder. Before leaving the barn, though, he took another moment to go and stand beside his son, both of them petting and loving on King. “Do you know how lucky you are?” David was talking to King, laughing at the boisterous spirit the old stallion seemed to be getting back. “We’ll all make sure nothing ever happens to you.” Turning to William, David smiled at the look on his son’s face. He knew another hug was coming, and he stopped brushing King long enough to open his arms. David wrapped his arms around William and squeezed. He closed his eyes for a moment, content to do nothing other than hold William in his arms. “I love you, David,” William said finally. “Me too!” David heard Jerry’s voice from the loft, and laughed. Before he let go of William, he moved his hands to William’s ribs and tickled for a couple of seconds. William backed into the wooden slats that formed the stall and let go of one of those giggles that could pull David out of any kind of bad mood, although it wasn’t really a giggle anymore since William’s voice had gotten so deep. “Lasagna in an hour!” David exited the barn, the smile on his face fading slowly as he thought of the phone call he would have to make to his father. David hoped with all of his heart that there would be good news about his mother. He couldn’t
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bear the thought that she could die and that nothing between them would be resolved. He’d managed to fix things with his sisters and his father, so why not his mother?
JERRY climbed into bed and pushed himself against David’s warm body. As always, David turned to lie on his back, giving Jerry the access he craved. He put his hand on the flat belly and pushed his hand forward so that he could wrap his arm around the trim waist. He gave David a quick kiss. “Did you have a good visit?” Jerry asked as he pulled himself closer to his husband. After dinner, David had gone to the hospital when his father had explained that Marie Van den Boesch had regained consciousness. “She didn’t say much, but she asked me how my family was,” David said as he placed his arm on top of Jerry’s, the one wrapped around him. “I guess it’s a start.” “I’m glad,” Jerry whispered as he moved his lips to kiss the closest ear. “Go back to sleep, baby. I’m just going to taste you for a bit.” “Right,” David laughed. “Like I’d ever fall asleep with you so near… and naked.” “What do you need, David?” Jerry wanted nothing more than to make love to his husband, but if David just wanted to be held, Jerry would be just as happy to do that. “I’m sorry, baby, but I’m feeling kind of tired.” “In that case,” Jerry said as he turned to lie on his back. “Come here,” he said when he was settled, pulling David to his body. David moved without saying anything further and settled his head onto Jerry’s chest. “This is just as good for me, David.” Jerry’s hand stroked up and down the soft skin of his husband’s back while he placed kisses to the top of David’s forehead. “Go to sleep now. I’ve got you.” “I know, Jerry. You always do.”
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Those were the last words that Jerry heard before David’s breathing slowed and Jerry felt the slim body relax against his. His mind wandered as he lay there, David safe in his arms. He thought about William, about Cory and Tara, and about the past seven years. He couldn’t help but wonder what the next seven years would be like. He imagined it all sometimes when he was working in his studio preparing for the next show, or when he was mucking stalls, or even at times like this when he had David wrapped up in his arms late at night. He imagined that Cory and Tara would eventually marry and have children. He imagined that William would find love as well, whether with a man or a woman didn’t matter to Jerry. A house full of in-laws and grandchildren and nieces and nephews he’d only known for a couple of years. He’d always guarded his solitude with the same ferociousness that now defined his intense desire to protect his family, not trusting the slow reappearance of David’s father and sisters. But Jerry had been wrong to doubt them. They were wonderful people and had brought so much joy to David and to William. How could Jerry not have approved of that? How could he criticize any of them for having had the courage to show up and admit they’d been wrong? David had almost all of his family back, William had six cousins that he saw almost regularly, at least once a week, and Jerry had been there to make sure that none of them hurt David again, or any of them for that matter. Of course, they hadn’t and probably never would, but Jerry found that old habits did, indeed, die hard and that learning to let go and just allow things to fall where they may had been a very difficult process to adopt. But he’d done it, and as a result, he had a growing family. A happy family. A loving family. He looked down when he heard David snuffle and pull closer, his hands moving slowly over Jerry’s chest. Jerry tightened his hold on the sleeping man, letting go of a deep, contented sigh. This man who’d followed Jerry halfway around the world and back again, never once complaining or asking for anything in return. David had seen something in Jerry, had seen past the swagger and the bravado that Jerry had always used as some sort of shield. Jerry had long ago
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realized that he hadn’t stood a ghost of a chance, being ambushed as he was by William and then David. The two of them had entered his life, and Jerry had realized, within hours, what he had been missing. He’d been relentless in his pursuit of the man who now shared his life and his bed. He’d pursued him with a single-minded fervor that had taught Jerry some very important lessons about what was truly important in life. He’d had money, had had his fair share of handsome twentysomethings, and had even thought he might have found the one once or twice. But when David entered his life, Jerry had realized that no one had ever made him feel as if he was worth anything more than what was in his bank account, or his pants. David had been the one to see past the money, past Jerry’s impressive endowment, even past the manufactured image of Jerry McKenzie, the artist. It was this man, the man he clung to every night, who had shown Jerry that family was the only thing that would ever truly matter. And Jerry found it ironic that it was a kind, handsome, sexy man like David—a man who’d lost his own family years before— who had shown Jerry just how important family was. Even through those first few years when Jerry had questioned every decision and thought himself the most dismal failure as a father, David’s faith in him never wavered. Jerry trusted this man completely, with his life even, because he’d never had any reason not to, except early on. But Jerry didn’t like to think about that, about how he’d almost thrown it all away. Jerry felt David move, his body moving slowly against his, and thought about the time when he’d been ready to turn his back on David. He’d fallen in love with David, and had been crushed that David had been ready to throw away his career and everything he felt for his students because of a few bigoted assholes who’d been trying to pressure him into giving up his teaching job. He’d almost given up on David then. But David had surprised even him, refusing, finally, to give in to the pressure, refusing to relinquish the job he loved so much. And David had done so because he had wanted to make Jerry proud of him, had wanted to make Jerry see how much he wanted him. Jerry looked down as David’s head came
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up and the beautiful brown eyes opened and fixed him with a look of unadulterated happiness. “Hey, sleepy,” Jerry whispered, smiling. “You okay? Can I get you anything?” “Doc, sleepy. What am I, a dwarf?” He laughed and watched as David looked over at the clock. “Have you slept at all?” “Nah,” Jerry said as he reached down and kissed David’s soft lips. “I’ve been lying here thinking about you.” “I’m sorry if I’m making you worry,” David said. Jerry was about to protest when David suddenly climbed on top of him, their torsos aligning. Jerry reached down with his hands and stroked David’s back, listening to the whimper as a little shiver passed through his husband’s body. David’s legs straddled his hips and Jerry was soon feeling the slender, muscular body rubbing against his. “What do you need, baby?” Jerry knew David wouldn’t always ask for what he wanted, or needed. David was more accustomed to giving than taking, and it wasn’t in his nature to tell Jerry that he needed some attention or he needed Jerry to take his mind off of his troubles. He reached down and put his hands on either side of David’s face. “I’ll do anything for you.” He looked deep into those brown eyes. “Do you want me inside you? Do you want me to make love to you?” Jerry felt the nod of his husband’s head and moved his hands to the mattress, pushing himself up so that he was sitting, with David in his lap. “I’m sorry, Jerry—” “Lie back, David,” Jerry whispered, as he rolled over so that David was on his back. “It’s okay. I’ll be right back.” Jerry pushed himself off the bed to get the lube out of the drawer. He knew that David was apologizing for his distractedness over the past few days. Ever since the news about his mother, David had been somewhere else, going to bed early, even having trouble getting up in the morning. Jerry knew that something was wrong when David had actually hit the snooze button on the alarm clock. He never hit the snooze button.
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“Need you, baby,” David sighed as he stretched out on the bed, his legs pushing the duvet and the sheets to the end of the bed. “Love you.” “Love you more than anything, David.” Jerry was back on the bed, on his hands and knees as he took David into his mouth, intent on making his husband feel better, if only for a little while. Jerry sucked and licked for a few more minutes before pushing David’s thighs to his chest, his tongue finding that sweet hole. He kissed and licked and laved David’s entrance, preparing him for what would follow. Jerry had always firmly believed that those people who said they were just as happy with sex years into a relationship had been lying. But here Jerry was, seven years with the same man and he couldn’t get enough of him. If he thought that he could manage at fifty-three years old, and if he thought he could convince David, Jerry would do nothing all day but make love to his handsome husband. When the tugging of David’s hands on his hair and ears became insistent, Jerry knew that David was ready and wanting. He raised himself up, towering over his husband, making a show of slicking his own uncut dick with the lube, a show that drove David to distraction. And it certainly helped Jerry too. There was nothing quite like knowing that your lover and husband found you to be irresistibly sexy. He’d even fulfilled a fantasy for David not too long ago. Jerry tried not to laugh when he’d finally gotten David to tell him about his fantasies, but he couldn’t help it when he listened to how David wanted to sit in a chair and watch Jerry masturbate, playing with his own foreskin and his own hole. It had embarrassed Jerry at first, but then he’d found himself to be incredibly aroused. David was sitting and watching as Jerry watched him, imagining all of the things he wanted to do to his husband but unable to touch him. Looking down at David, Jerry leaned forward and positioned himself at the tight hole. He pushed in slowly, feeling those long fingers caressing and stroking his chest. Jerry’s hands were resting on either side of David’s torso, so he couldn’t touch back. He closed his eyes as he felt David do that contracting muscle thing he did to drive
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Jerry absolutely crazy. He lost all track of time as he pushed in and pulled out, his chest and belly on fire from those hands petting him. “Kiss me, Jerry,” David pleaded and Jerry was only too happy to comply. Not only did he love to be kissed while Jerry made love to him, but Jerry also knew that it meant David was close. Jerry would rest his body on his elbows, and then David would wrap those long legs around his waist, pulling up so that he could get enough friction to come at the same time as Jerry. Jerry’s hands wrapped themselves around the back of David’s neck, his mouth and tongue kissing lips and ears and neck. He heard the heavy breathing, felt the puffs of hot breath against his sweat-slicked skin. “You’re so beautiful, David. My beautiful husband,” Jerry murmured against his husband’s sensitive ear. “Jerry,” David sighed against his lips and then Jerry felt the legs wrap tighter around his waist. Jerry knew it wouldn’t take much longer. He kissed David, their tongues moving wildly against each other as Jerry began to snap his hips more quickly, pegging his husband’s prostate with each thrust. David’s eyes were closed, his hands scrabbling for purchase against the solid muscle of Jerry’s back. Jerry pulled his lips off of David’s and moved them to the more sensitive nerves of his husband’s ears, licking and kissing and whispering words of love. “Let go, baby. I’ve got you,” Jerry sighed into David’s ear. There was a gentle, almost inaudible sigh from beneath him, and then Jerry felt the tightness around his dick and the wetness on his belly. “So incredible, David. What you do to me. Make me feel ten feet tall.” Jerry claimed his husband’s lips, pulling off every few seconds so that they could both breathe. “Squeeze me, baby. Take me all the way in.” Jerry grunted when he felt the waves of contractions again, whispering David’s name over and over as he snapped his hips, emptying himself into his husband. David’s arms were on his back still, pulling and stroking as Jerry rode out his own orgasm. “Thank you, Jerry,” David whispered near his ear. “Love you so much.”
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“My pleasure, mountain lion,” Jerry said with a lopsided grin. “Love to watch you fly like that. The look on your face? Nothing better than that.” After a quick trip to get a warm washcloth, Jerry was back in bed, both of them cleaned up and ready for sleep. David cuddled close to Jerry again, his arms wrapped around his husband. And this time, when David’s eyes grew heavy, Jerry’s did too, both of them falling asleep, together, just as they had done every night for the past seven years.
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Chapter 3 JERRY stood with King in the stallion’s stall and stroked the muscular neck. He and King had been together for so long now that he imagined sometimes that he could almost hear King’s thoughts. Twenty-five years ago, Jerry had bought a pitch-black ball of muscle and energy. He’d known that King was the one for him when he’d been standing there and the five-year-old stallion had nudged his chest against his shirt pocket, looking for a treat, Jerry had thought. But then Jerry had reached into that pocket, unaware he’d had anything there at all. When he pulled out a receipt from King’s Autobody, the receipt that he’d been trying to locate for almost a week, Jerry figured it was fate. For twenty-five years, it had just been the two of them on the ranch, until Biscuit had joined them a couple of years later. Jerry had toyed, very briefly, with the idea of breeding horses, but that particular plan had crashed rather quickly when King had refused to have anything to do with Biscuit. Must be fate, you ending up with a gay horse, Kitty had teased him. Jerry didn’t really care whether his horses were gay or straight. He loved them like he loved his family. They were part of his family, and it pained him to realize that King would be leaving him soon. He tried to imagine that day, and it made his chin quiver and his eyes burn. The vet had said that there was nothing wrong with King, that it had all been just a bout of colic. Digestive problems, the vet had said. But Jerry was out here anyway, making sure that King was comfortable. If he was going to leave the family soon, Jerry would make sure King knew how much he was loved before he went. “You were my first love, weren’t ya, boy?” Jerry smiled when King’s big black eyes looked over at him, as if he’d understood. “You
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were the best friend I ever had until David came.” King whinnied at David’s name and Jerry laughed. “Yeah, I know. I like him better than me too.” He finished stroking King’s neck, kissed his black coat and turned when he heard the roar of an engine out in the driveway. “Cory’s here, boy. Come on,” Jerry said, leading the horse out of the barn. “We’ll say hi to Cory.” Jerry and King met them a few feet from their car, both Cory and Tara busy gathering suitcases and grocery bags and presents. Tara was the first to greet Jerry, wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a big hug. “Hi, Jerry. We missed you so much.” Jerry loved Tara, loved how good she was to Cory, how good she was for him, even if he was a little jealous that Cory had met the one at the tender age of sixteen and would have an entire lifetime with her. Jerry was grateful for David, but he wished sometimes that they would have another sixty years together. “Jerry,” Cory said, his grin big and sincere as he wrapped himself around the man who’d taken him in when his own father had earned himself a fifteen-year stay in prison. “Missed you, Jerry.” Tara had moved over to stroke and pet King, talking to him and telling him how much she missed him. Tara was still studying to become a veterinarian, although Jerry was sure she could make just as much as any doctor. No one seemed to be able to calm animals like Tara, except maybe William. “Has he been sick?” Tara asked wrapping her arms around King’s neck. “He looks thinner.” “Little colic, the vet said,” Jerry explained and then turned when the door to the house opened. Since William wasn’t home, Jerry knew he’d see David, big grin on his face, coming toward Cory and Tara. “Should be a hundred percent in no time.” “David,” Cory said as he wrapped his arms around the other man who’d taken him in. Jerry looked on, his heart ready to burst. Cory and David had a special bond, not as special as David and William, but special nonetheless. David had that effect on people, especially kids.
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Jerry figured they sensed something magical about the man, just as he had all those years ago. “Cory,” David said as he hugged his foster son tightly. “I’m so happy you got here safely. And Tara, come give me a hug.” David hugged Tara just as tightly. Jerry and David had discussed many times how good they thought Tara was for Cory. She had slowly brought balance and pride back to that scared sixteen-year-old boy who’d suffered so much abuse and humiliation at the hands of his biological father. It was Tara who had shown Cory that nothing mattered but what he did, that his life didn’t need to be defined by his past. Jerry would always remember the shock he got when Tara had precisely and succinctly explained to Cory what he should do when he had those kinds of thoughts. If someone thinks you’re not worth anything because of where you’ve been and doesn’t seem to care where you will be, Tara had said one day after dinner, then fuck ’em! Jerry had done a spit take with his coffee, and David had started laughing, that kind of laugh that starts slow and builds until his eyes were watering. Amen to that, David had said when he’d regained his composure. It was that observation from Tara that had convinced both of Cory’s foster dads that Tara was not only a winner, but that she would be as fierce in protecting Cory as he was in protecting her. “Where’s William?” Cory was looking at him, and Jerry snapped his mind back to the present. “At work, I think.” Jerry said as he stroked King absentmindedly. “Be home for dinner, he said.” “Good,” Cory said, sneaking a glance at Tara. “’Cause we have some news to share with you all.” Jerry glanced at David, who looked back at him. They’d talked about this just last week, wondering when the announcement would come. Cory had finished school and had been working at building his own design business for two years now, so David had been convinced that they would be married soon enough. Jerry wasn’t sure Tara would want to be married while she finished her last few years of residency
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and internship, but Jerry should have known by now that David was usually right about these things. “We won’t make you tell us now, but I’m telling you, William is going to go nuts,” David said as he moved forward and hugged Cory and then Tara. David’s hand was brushing the hair out of Cory’s eyes or squeezing his shoulder. Jerry would have never guessed Cory for a toucher, since he’d not been too comfortable with it before he moved to the ranch, but David had been relentless. Now, it seemed like William and Cory couldn’t get enough hugging and touching from either of them. “By the way,” David said as he walked over and stood next to King. “Don’t think I don’t know where William got that money to buy himself those accessories for his car.” Jerry saw Cory blush, and bit his tongue so he wouldn’t laugh out loud. He remembered telling Cory, six years ago when they’d been working out in the studio one afternoon, that David was like some sort of human bloodhound who would always find out the truth. It was like all those years of teaching young kids had made him a human lie detector. He could always tell when someone was lying to him. Jerry didn’t have any secrets from the man, but if he did, he knew that it would only be because David didn’t see any need to confirm what he’d already figured out on his own. “It wasn’t that much,” Cory protested and looked down at his boots. “I wanted to help him out, like you two did for me with Jerry’s old truck.” “Man’s got a point,” Jerry said as he wrapped an arm around his husband’s waist. “Hey,” David huffed. “No one’s in trouble here. I’m just saying that he’s got a part-time job now working with Dr. Douglas, so he needs to learn some responsibility, some self-reliance.” “Understood,” Cory said, looking from his foster dads back to Tara. “Come on, Tar, let’s get settled.” “Leave the grocery bags and the presents,” David said. “I’ll bring them in a minute.”
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Jerry and David stood side by side and watched Cory and Tara take their suitcases and disappear into the house. Jerry knew that they would want some alone time after their flight and the half-hour car ride from the airport. Jerry and David both remembered what it was like to be twenty-something and in love. Hell, Jerry still felt that way. He couldn’t get enough of David, and they were way past being twentysomethings. It was one of the reasons he and David took such good care of themselves. “You gonna tell them about your mom?” Jerry asked, kissing David’s temple. “I guess I probably should, although I’ll do it later so I don’t ruin their big announcement.” David leaned up and kissed his husband, then walked to give some attention to King. “How’s he doing?” David looked over at Jerry, the concern plain on his face. “His manure is looking better, and he seems to have his appetite back, so…,” Jerry said and then nodded his head several times. “You’re going to live forever, aren’t you, King?” Jerry felt the same way, understood what David was feeling. And he loved that David was just as much in love with these animals as Jerry was. King had been here for almost eighteen years before David had arrived, but Jerry had watched, completely amazed, at how quickly David and King had bonded with each other. But then again, Jerry was willing to admit he was a little slower than most people, and it had taken him a little longer than King even to realize what an amazing soul David had. And what made it even more perfect, David somehow had the idea that Jerry was pretty amazing too. And after hearing David say it over and over again for the past seven years, Jerry was thinking he might just be.
DAVID moved to the other side of King and let his fingers comb through the thick mane of jet black hair. King loved this, would whinny whenever he did it. David was sure that it was King’s second favorite thing, his most favorite being anyone with food. David couldn’t count
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the number of shirt pockets King had ripped looking for a carrot or an apple. He often wondered who had ever trained King—inadvertently, even—to look for food in a shirt pocket. “It’ll be a sad day, that’s for sure,” David said as he put one hand out to stroke King’s neck as the other continued to comb through his mane. “How come King’s not gray?” “Doesn’t have the gray gene,” Jerry said, moving to stand beside David. “Stroke him the wrong way there.” Jerry watched as David did so. “See? Black underneath. Means he won’t go gray.” “Lucky horse,” David said, his pout exaggerated. “Hey, at least you still have most of your hair,” Jerry laughed at his husband’s antics. “Oh, please, not this again.” David leaned into Jerry. “You’ve still got lots of hair,” David said in a soothing tone. “And you know what the gray does to me.” Jerry laughed when he saw his husband waggle his eyebrows. “Yeah,” Jerry said, blushing. “I still remember when you found that patch of gray on my chest. I don’t think we’d done it that many times in one night since our fuck-buddy days.” “Would have noticed it sooner, too, if you’d let me turn the lights on every once in a while,” David groused. “Love looking at you.” David reached up to caress Jerry’s face, then pulled him in, hugging him close, both men laughing when King nudged Jerry. “Yeah, yeah, you can have him back.” Jerry kissed David soundly and stood back, watching David love on their horse for a few more minutes. “Okay, King, time for you to go and eat some more so he can do some loving on me for a while.” Jerry walked King back to the barn, David at his side. He’s going to be positively inconsolable when King leaves us, David thought as he stood back and watched Jerry get King settled back in his stall. David found himself in a love-hate relationship with this time of his life. He had a loving and wonderful husband, two great kids who he loved more than anything, his long-lost sisters and their kids, and a new career that both excited and terrified him. But he also had a mother in
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the hospital—a diabetic who refused to stop drinking or take her insulin—a distraught father faced with the reality of losing the woman he’d loved for more than fifty years, and a breaking heart for the man he shared his life with, both of them coming to terms with even more loss to contend with. They’d helped William deal with the loss of his parents and the loss of Frau Zimmerman, a woman William still talked about although not with as much frequency, and they’d helped Cory deal with the loss of his father. But now it would soon be David and Jerry who would be left with nothing but memories. King would be gone soon, Biscuit following not too long after. Jerry’s parents were long dead, but David would soon lose his, and then there was the inevitable loss that one of them would suffer, the greatest loss. David fervently hoped during his darker moods that he would be the first to go; he didn’t know if he could go back to a world that didn’t include Jerry. Sure, it would be another twenty years or so, but even thirty years seemed too soon, too close. “Hey, mountain lion?” Jerry was standing in front of him, his hands on David’s shoulders. “Sorry, cowboy, just thinking,” David said and wrapped an arm around Jerry’s waist. “Scared me there for a minute. You looked so sad.” “We’re getting to that age, you know.” David felt the tears threatening and chastised himself for letting it all get to him, and on the day Cory returned with Tara. “I’ll behave, I promise. I won’t ruin their big announcement.” “Bullshit, David,” Jerry said and stopped, turning his husband around to face him. “You’re not ruining anything.” Jerry ran his fingers through the salt and pepper hair, finding it as silky and soft as ever. “You’re taking too much on yourself again, baby. Let me take some of that for you.” “I wish you could, Jerry, but I have to figure all of this out for myself.”
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David walked beside Jerry, who led him to stand by the corral fence. Jerry leaned his big, muscular body against the fence, spread his legs, and pulled David in between them, the two men eye to eye and wrapped around each other. He kissed David’s forehead and then looked down at him. “You know what it does to me to see you like this. Can’t stand it, baby.” “I’m sorry,” David sighed as he leaned against the strong chest and listened to the heartbeat that had soothed him every day for the past seven years. “I’m just having a hard time figuring out how I’m supposed to feel about all this.” “All what?” “Too many changes, I guess. Like my mother.” David snuggled in closer to his husband and pushed his hands under the denim jacket. “I just get in these moods sometimes, and I don’t know how to get myself out of them.” “Can help you with that,” Jerry whispered next to one of David’s sensitive ears. “Oh, trust me,” David said with a quick laugh, looking up to show Jerry a grin. “That helps. That really does help, but I guess I think I might need to go and talk to someone about all these changes. The ones that have happened and the ones that will happen.” “I’m pretty good at listening,” Jerry said, ducking his head for a quick kiss. “You are, Jerry. You really do help me with that, but I can’t stand that I’m making you worry, making you sad.” David brought one hand up to caress Jerry’s chest through the thin cotton of his T-shirt. “I think I need to talk to someone who doesn’t want to absorb it all himself.” David watched as Jerry frowned and nodded. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m not trying to hurt you, but—” “I’m not hurt, David. You need to go and talk to someone, I’ll drive you there and take you out for ice cream afterward.” David knew that look on Jerry’s face, the one that said he didn’t think David believed him. “Honestly, baby. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all this, then we’ll make an adventure out of it. We’ll make sure William
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knows we’ll be gone certain nights, and maybe I can sit in with you during some of those sessions. Maybe we can learn how to cope together.” Why am I not surprised, David thought as he gazed up into those blue eyes. Jerry’s probably feeling the same things I am, probably trying to figure out how he’ll deal with all the changes and the empty nest. But he’s never been the type to talk things out, always preferred to keep most things in until I have to drag it out of him. “I would love that, Jerry.” David stole a kiss, feeling a little better already. Maybe I can get him to stop taking all of this on himself. That’s one thing that had not changed since they’d met—Jerry was always so hard on himself, always thinking he wasn’t doing enough. “It will be one less thing for me to worry about, right away.” “You’re still worried that I do too much.” It wasn’t a question. “Still worried that I’m thinking I’m responsible for making everyone happy.” David nodded and Jerry laughed. “But that makes me happy, David.” Jerry must have seen the confusion on David’s face. “It’s like a puzzle for me, trying to figure out what I can do to help you and William and Cory. It makes me happy to know that I’m doing all I can to take some of the stress out of your lives.” “Okay,” David said after a moment of silence. “But I’m still looking forward to our dates after our sessions.” “Me too, mountain lion. Me too.” David pushed himself against the solid body, reveling in the heat and the comfort he always managed to find when he was near Jerry. David didn’t know if what he was feeling was depression or just a midlife crisis, but he found a tremendous amount of relief just having talked to Jerry about his concerns. And even if Jerry didn’t necessarily believe there was anything wrong, he’d offered to come with David to the sessions, offered to stand beside him while he learned how to deal with all of the upheaval that had seemed to bombard him lately. They walked back to the house, arms wrapped around each other, the sinking sun setting the sky aglow with pink and purple and orange.
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Chapter 4 WILLIAM pulled up to the red light, the last intersection before he’d hit the city limits, which meant only five more minutes before he’d be back home, back at the ranch. He’d just finished his six-hour Saturday shift at Dr. Douglas’s veterinary practice and was on his way home. During the last three hours of his shift, he’d changed his mind about telling his fathers at least a dozen times, finally convincing himself that telling them was the best decision. Now, so close to home, he wasn’t as sure anymore. He knew that if he didn’t tell them and they found out, which they always did, he’d have to risk losing their trust. There was no way he’d ever be able to live with that. William had never, intentionally, done anything against his fathers’ wishes, but he had disappointed them once or twice. William would never be able to see the look of disappointment on their faces, day after day, knowing that one stupid, impetuous decision had cost him the trust of two of the men he loved more than anything else in the world. And when Cory found out? William would rather die than let his brother down. When he’d first received the message at work—the simple text had read, false alarm still luv me?—he’d spent the next three hours arguing, back and forth, with himself. Now I don’t have to tell them—I have to tell them. So here he was, mere minutes away from having to confess everything to his dads. The light turned green, and William pressed the gas pedal. As he completed the final nerve-wracking two-minute drive down the township road and back to the house he’d called home for seven years, William wondered when it had all become so complicated. When had his life become full of adult-type problems and decisions? He
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longed for the days when his life was a series of popcorn and movies, the hardest thing in his life being trying to stay awake to the end of the movie. Invariably, William ended up asleep, held safe by David or Jerry, only to find himself in his own bed when he woke up in the morning. But it seemed to him that they hadn’t done that in months. It certainly wasn’t his fathers’ fault; William had allowed himself to get so busy with school and his part-time job. And then there had been Wayde, his best friend the past six years. They’d met when Jerry had asked their neighbor, Paulie, to help William with training his young puppy, who wasn’t all that young anymore. William had gone back to Paulie’s for a lot more lessons on how to train and take care of Billie, sometimes more excited about seeing Wayde than the lessons. Cory had always gone with him, anxious to see Tara, Wayde’s sister. Paulie was Tara and Wayde’s grandfather, their father’s dad, and had lived next door to Jerry for almost thirty years. William was sure that he’d spent as much time on Paulie’s ranch as he did on Jerry’s. The two eleven-year-olds had become fast friends, inseparable, and William loved him as much as his fathers and Cory. But he didn’t see much of Wayde anymore, not as much as he used to anyway. William always figured it was because his best friend had discovered girls, always asking William to double-date when the girl that Wayde liked didn’t want to go out without her best friend. So, William had gone along to the movies or out for coffee. They’d even stayed on Paulie’s ranch for an afternoon or two, just to ride the horses and help Wayde’s grandfather with a few chores. William didn’t mind at all; as long as he got to spend time with Wayde, William would be happy doing anything. But even that was changing now. Wayde spent more and more time with Julie, the two of them no longer interested in double-dating, preferring to spend time alone. William understood that, he did, but it still made him feel the same sense of loss he’d felt when Cory had left to go live with his aunt or when Frau Zimmerman had died. Cory came back after only a week or so, but William figured that Wayde would be gone for a lot longer than that. Sure, they would see each other
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whenever Wayde could manage, but it wasn’t the same anymore. He still missed spending time with Wayde. Of course William had other pursuits and hobbies, even some new friends he’d met through Wayde who would call and invite him to parties or for an evening of video games and movies. William even had two cousins around his age. Maddy was a year older than William, and Kyle, a year younger. They were each the eldest child of one of David’s sisters, the sisters who’d reconnected with David almost six years ago. It had been a strange feeling for William, having gone from having David and Jerry all to himself to sharing them with more and more people, and he hadn’t been certain he liked the idea at first. But then he’d met them, met his cousins, and it was like built-in friends. He’d always enjoyed talking with them or texting them. Maddy had been the one to explain to William, without the young man having to divulge his entire secret, that most children lied to their parents now and then. There would always be things that children couldn’t—or did not want to—tell the adults in their lives. It’s normal, Kyle had agreed. William had seen them only a week ago when David’s sisters and father had come for a Sunday barbecue. That’s when Kyle and Maddy had told William to be careful about what he told his fathers, reinforcing the belief that it wasn’t always a good idea to be completely honest with your parents. The sense of relief that William had felt for only a few moments was quickly replaced by a feeling of despair and loneliness. He didn’t want to lie to his fathers—he didn’t want to keep feeling that heavy knot in the pit of his stomach every time he looked at them. He wanted things to be the way they had been. Since he got the text message at work, he knew they could be the same, but it meant he would have to keep this secret from his fathers. And there was no way William would ever do that. Even if Maddy and Kyle had called it a white lie, it was still a lie. He pulled his car onto the long driveway that led up to the ranch, steeling his courage for the confession he would make. As he parked his car near the new SUV that David had bought, William noticed the rental car on the other side. Cory, he remembered. Cory and Tara were
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arriving today. Determined to tell his fathers anyway, William grabbed his backpack and headed inside the house, where he was greeted by the sounds of laughter. William tossed his backpack near the stairs. David had tried to break him of this habit, but it never stuck. Neither had the habit William had tried to get into of taking his backpack with him when he left his bedroom. He couldn’t remember ever not having to go back up to get it. William heard Billie bark only once and run toward him. He kneeled down on the floor and rubbed behind her ears, avoiding her tongue like he always had to. She was six years old, but just as frisky and energetic as she’d been as a puppy. He petted and nuzzled her while he heard the tail end of a story that Cory was telling. He didn’t know what the story was about, but it must have been a funny one because everyone in the kitchen was laughing pretty hard. William heard his father’s laughter getting louder. “There he is,” Jerry said, moving to embrace his son. “How was work today?” Jerry guided his son back into the kitchen. “Good,” William said, the smile coming to his face without any thought on his part. He was so happy to have everyone back together again. He’d missed Cory. “Billiam,” Cory said as he pushed away from the table and moved around Jerry. William felt himself wrapped up in Cory’s arms. “We got busted,” he whispered next to his brother’s ear. Cory let him go, and stood back, looking over at David for a moment before fixing William with a doleful look. “I’m afraid David figured out that I gave you the money to pimp your ride.” “I’m sorry—” William started to say, but then David was hugging him. “Don’t worry about it, William,” David said, his voice as gentle as the hand that squeezed his neck, as the hand that brushed the hair out of his eyes. “Hey,” Cory said suddenly. “Is William taller than David?”
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“No,” William said as he bent down to pick up Billie’s bowl and change the water. “I’m just wearing sneakers.” William shrugged and emptied the bowl. He filled it with the filtered water that they kept in the fridge and then finally noticed something. “Where’s Tara?” “Here,” Tara said, coming back into the kitchen, probably from the bathroom, Billie at her side. “We missed you,” she said, wrapping her arms around him. William didn’t say anything at first, his mind trying not to let Tara’s presence remind him of all the problems he was having. If she stayed in the room, there was no way William would ever be able to tell his fathers what he’d done; he’d be far too embarrassed. So, with a smile at Tara and a quick excuse that he had something important to do in his room—which was just getting his laundry ready for laundry day tomorrow—he turned back toward the stairs and scooped up his backpack. “William?” Cory caught up with him on the stairs. “Can you come back into the kitchen for a minute?” “Why?” William had this sudden, crazy idea that Cory knew that he was hiding something. I knew I should have stayed longer in the kitchen, William thought as he waited for Cory to answer. “Tara and I have something to tell you and Jerry and David,” Cory explained. “Please?” “Of course,” William said, feeling stupid for having had to make Cory say please. God, William thought as he followed Cory back into the kitchen, if I don’t get this out soon, I’m going to go crazy!
THE announcement was officially made, Tara showed them all her engagement ring, and Cory was beaming like Jerry didn’t know what. Tara had already told her grandfather, which was why they’d been late getting here to the ranch. Tara was ecstatic when she told them about how thrilled her grandfather had been. She looked at Cory with such love in her eyes when she told Jerry and David what her grandpa
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thought of her future husband. Jerry couldn’t help but burst with pride for himself and for David when he listened to their praise for Cory: Kind, considerate, hardworking, trustworthy. Of course, this was no surprise to anybody in the room, but Jerry’s chest tightened a little anyway. He’d hugged Cory and Tara when it was his turn and then watched as William hugged his brother and future sister-in-law, but with an indifference that wasn’t like William. He was sure David had noticed it as well. Jerry looked intently at David’s face. David was studying William. Not just looking at him as he always did, with admiration and love, but almost as if David was scrutinizing their son. Jerry couldn’t help but wonder if he’d noticed it too. William hadn’t really seemed different to him lately, but he didn’t seem himself tonight. William was just William, their kind and handsome and sensitive and hard-working son. William knew them well enough by now to know that he could talk to them about anything. Jerry decided to go and speak with William later. “I’ve been saving this,” Jerry said as he walked into the dining room and came back with a bottle of champagne. “For just this occasion.” Jerry looked over at Cory, standing with his arm around Tara’s waist. Cory had blossomed and grown while he’d lived at the ranch. He was as tall as Jerry now and filling out even more. He had grown into a good man, a kind man, nothing like his father. David always referred to their boys as gentle souls, and—as usual—David was right. “You can drink this, right?” Jerry looked over at Tara, who blushed. “Or do we need to pour you something… else?” Jerry noticed the look on William’s face. It was as if William didn’t want to be there with them. “No,” Tara said, her hands nervously tucking hair behind her ear. “We’ve decided to wait until I’ve finished school and Cory’s business is a little more solid.” Jerry popped the cork on the champagne, and Billie came bounding into the room. “Hey, girl. Did we scare you?” Jerry tugged on her ears a little and watched as she sauntered over to stand by William.
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He noticed his son go down on his haunches, stroking and petting Billie. He wondered again what had William so distracted. “This isn’t the first time I asked her,” Cory said as Jerry handed them all champagne flutes. “Tara thought we should wait until one of us had finished school.” “Smart girl,” David said as he accepted his glass from his husband. “You let us know what we can do. Whatever you want.” “Thanks, David,” Cory said, squeezing Tara against him. “I just about passed out when she said yes this time.” Jerry passed a flute to William who looked up in surprise. “Special occasion,” Jerry said in answer to his son’s unspoken question. He and David had allowed William to have a beer every now and then, only to discover that William didn’t really like alcohol, taking a couple of sips before offering the rest to either Jerry or David. Jerry always figured that’s why he’d gotten to be much taller than his parents—William could never seem to get enough milk. “Just a bit, then,” William said as he watched his dad pour the champagne into his glass. “To… roots and wings,” David said as he lifted his glass. “Huh?” Jerry laughed when David rolled his eyes. “It’s the quote that you and David wrote in the card you brought when I graduated from Ryerson.” Cory’s eyes darted between David and Jerry, who felt a little foolish at that moment. “You don’t remember?” “Of course I do,” Jerry said as he took a deep breath and recited the quotation that he had written in the card. “David told me what to write, but that was my handwriting in the card. If it had been David’s, you would have been able to read it a lot more easily.” Jerry lifted his glass again. “Roots and wings.” Jerry took a sip and then placed his flute on the table, moving to wrap his arms around William and David. “We’re very happy for you, Cory. And you, Tara. I wish you as much love with your own family as I’ve gotten from mine.”
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Jerry felt William pull away suddenly, put his flute on the table, and then turn, heading for the stairs and his room. Billie was in hot pursuit. “What’s… is it something we…?” Tara’s eyes shifted from Cory’s to Jerry’s and then settled back on Cory’s. “I don’t know,” Cory said. “I’ll go and talk to him.” “No,” Jerry said, holding up his hand. “I’ll go. You two stay here and tell David what you’ve got planned already.” “I’m sorry, you two. I think William has been a little off lately. I’m not really sure what this is about.” Jerry heard David’s words as he headed up the stairs. Jerry knocked on the door and waited for permission to enter, wondering if William was too old to be found in the closet, like he’d been when he first moved here from that boarding school in Switzerland. When he heard William’s voice telling him that he could come in, Jerry twisted the knob and entered, finding William sitting at the desk, his chair turned to face the rest of the room. “I’m sorry,” William said, not looking at his father. “I ruined it, didn’t I?” “You didn’t ruin anything, son.” Jerry sat on the bed and patted the space beside him, laughing when Billie hopped up right away. “But you have us a little worried.” “Sorry,” William mumbled, moving to sit beside his father, his hand going out to play with Billie’s ears. “Is it Wayde?” Jerry asked, wrapping an arm around his son. “Did you two have a fight or something?” Jerry saw William shake his head. “Kids at school bothering you again?” Jerry thought briefly about the very long nine months when a few of the jocks at the school had been harassing William about having two fathers and no mother. It had taken them almost nine months of meetings and phone calls and e-mails, but Jerry and David had finally managed to get the school to take some action against those four bullies. “No,” William sighed and nuzzled Billie.
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“You don’t want to tell me? You want me to get David for you?” Jerry saw William shake his head again. “William, you’re kinda scaring me here,” Jerry said, shifting on the bed so that he was facing the flushed face of his son. William had grown to be a tall, strapping six feet, but in so many ways, Jerry would never see anything but that little blond boy with the very big blue eyes who’d shown up on his doorstep one day promising not to get underfoot. His heart ached whenever he saw that uncertainty come back into his son’s face. “Are you in trouble at school? Did you do something wrong? Illegal?” Jerry noticed his son shake his head, no, to all of the questions. “I can’t tell you.” Jerry heard the faint whisper of words and then watched as William’s face closed in on itself, the tears coming as quickly as they always did. Jerry stood up and pulled his son into his arms, his own eyes tearing up as he thought of what William could have possibly done. “Hey, chief,” Jerry brushed his hands up and down his son’s back. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.” “Can’t… tell… you.” William’s sobs were perforated with hiccups. “You’ll… be so… disappointed in me.” Jerry saw Billie jump off the bed and press herself between them. Jerry tried to stop the laugh, but it came anyway. Two short bursts of air on the top of William’s skull, like the kind of laugh that signifies someone’s complete disbelief in what he’s hearing. Jerry put a finger under William’s chin and turned his face upward so that they were looking at each other, father and son. “There is nothing you’ve ever done that has disappointed me, William.” Jerry brushed the hair out of his son’s eyes. “You are what I’m most proud of in my life. You are my single greatest achievement.” William burst into tears again at those words, and Jerry decided to wait it out and to go back to hugging his son, kissing the top of his head, wondering what could possibly be causing William to be in so much pain. Jerry didn’t let go of William and, after a couple of minutes, Jerry felt William’s body calm down, his cries replaced with sniffles.
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“What about David?” William looked up at him, his eyes bloodshot and his nose running. But the sincerity of the question had Jerry fighting to keep his own tears inside. “Aren’t you proud of him?” “Of course I am, sport, but… well, it’s a different kind of pride, I guess.” Jerry used the hem of his T-shirt to wipe away the wetness from his son’s cheeks. “You and David and Cory and Tara are what make me happy. The family that David and I have created, the love and respect that we’ve all given each other, and knowing that I had some small part in helping you to grow up to be the wonderful, kind, thoughtful man that you are.” Jerry cupped his hands under William’s cheeks. “Nothing you do will ever make me stop loving you, William. You will always be my boy, my son.” Jerry’s voice cracked on the last two words and then tears were streaming down his own face. “I’m sorry,” William said as he pulled himself against his father. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.” “Nonsense,” Jerry said as he pulled away from William, his hands on his son’s shoulders. “Now, when you’re ready to tell me what’s got you so upset, I can prove to you that it won’t make any difference.” Jerry counted to ten in his head, prepared to stand there hugging him all night if William still felt he couldn’t confess to whatever he’d done. He reached seven when William finally opened his mouth and said the words Jerry never thought he’d hear.
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Chapter 5 JERRY wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly at first. Wayde and I have been double-dating with two girls from school. I did it just so I could spend time with Wayde; he’s my best friend. But then Anne and I had so much in common and we talked all the time and when she invited me over a couple of weeks ago… and her parents were gone to a movie…. David and Jerry had had these discussions before, late at night in their bed. They’d often wondered if William would be gay or straight. It didn’t matter to either of them which way William went, but they’d always, kind of, figured that because he was so sensitive and had always talked about finding someone like David, that William might already know that he preferred boys to girls. “She texted me at work,” William said quietly, pulling Jerry back to the present. “It was a false alarm. She’s not pregnant.” Billie was back on the bed, her head on her paws, her brilliant light blue eyes darting between the two men. “You didn’t use a condom?” Jerry’s brain was torn between wanting to laugh from relief and wanting to give his son the talk they’d had when William and Wayde had become inseparable. Jerry had always figured that William was gay and that, as with other things in his life, he would be a late bloomer. William and Wayde were very affectionate with one another, never afraid to touch and be touched. William had always been that way, had always loved the physical affection, especially from David. So, Jerry had just figured that William would either be the most sensitive straight man that would ever live, or that he would be gay. “We didn’t plan on doing anything,” William explained and then shrugged. “But we couldn’t stop.”
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Jerry could totally relate to that feeling. He’d felt it the first time he’d ever laid eyes on David. He’d felt it many times, but nothing quite as powerful and all-consuming as he had with David. Of course, neither he nor David had been sixteen years old, but he understood the intense physical attraction that could leave your brains scrambled while your libido took over. “That’s natural, son,” Jerry said, his hand stroking William’s back. “But you need to protect yourself and your partner.” “I know,” William said, sniffling. “I remember the talk that you and David had with me, but….” Jerry schooled his laughter at the memory of a thirteen-year-old William fidgeting while he sat at the kitchen table. David did most of the talking about condoms and safe sex while Jerry had just sat and blushed more than he’d ever done before. “And you thought we’d be disappointed that you hadn’t listened.” “That,” William sighed, his eyes glancing up briefly. “And that, well, I slept with a girl.” At that admission, Jerry did laugh and wrapped his arms around his son again. “Because you’re straight?” Jerry kissed the top of his son’s head again. “No,” William said against his father’s chest. “I know you don’t care about that. I mean that I was irresponsible and didn’t think about it first.” “Like I said, partner. That’s normal.” Jerry looked down at William again and brushed the hair out of his eyes. “I’m just relieved that this worked out for you. And happy that you found someone who makes you feel this way.” “I love her,” William said, his cheeks flushing again. “When Anne first told me, I told her that I would marry her, if she wanted.” “And Anne loves you?” Jerry shook his head and smiled. “Of course she does. Anne would be crazy not to see how special you are.” Jerry pulled William to his chest again. “Now,” Jerry stated quickly, “when do we get to meet this lovely young woman?” William shrugged. “Okay, I’ll tell you what.” Jerry let go of William, his hands
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still on his son’s shoulders. “You tell Anne that we’d love to meet her sometime and that she should consider us her… friends.” “Thanks, Dad,” William said, his handsome face finally smiling. “She wants to be a vet too.” “Sounds like a match to me then.” Jerry caressed his son’s cheek. “I’m proud of you, William, for telling me the truth and for wanting to look after Anne. Do… her parents know?” “Anne told them yesterday.” “And?” “They were really mad,” William said, his voice betraying his nerves. “They won’t let her see me anymore.” “Well,” Jerry said, squeezing his son’s shoulders. “Maybe David and I can meet with them.” William shrugged, as if to say that it was pointless but that he was willing to do anything to see his girlfriend again. “It couldn’t make anything worse.” Jerry offered a little smile and a quick laugh. “No, I guess it couldn’t.” Jerry kissed the top of William’s head again and began moving toward the door. “Dad?” “Yeah?” Jerry stopped and turned to look at his son. “Thanks,” William said, finally showing that smile that made Jerry’s chest tighten. “I love you.” “I love you too, son. Very much.” Jerry put his hand on the door knob. “But no more thinking you could ever disappoint me… or David. Okay?” William nodded. “I won’t say anything to David or Cory. You come back down and celebrate… when you’re feeling a little better, yeah?” “I will,” William said. “I’m sorry for ruining everything.” William was on the bed, stroking and petting Billie, who had turned over on her back, wanting her belly scratched.
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“Hey,” Jerry said, his grin big and broad. “No more of that, right?” Jerry closed the door and leaned against it, taking a moment to shake his head, the smile permanently fixed on his face. Grandchildren, he thought. David’s going to flip out when he finds out that this house will be filled with grandchildren.
CORY and Tara had gone out to visit some friends and to give them the good news, Jerry was still up with William, and David was cleaning up the kitchen before heading up to ensure that Cory’s room had clean sheets and towels ready for the engaged couple. Grandchildren, David thought as he felt the smile growing on his face. I can’t wait for the grandchildren. He thought about changing diapers and feeding time and the thousands upon thousands of pictures he’d be taking. I might even have to buy Cory and Tara a video camera so that they can send videos. He shook his head at how far ahead of everything he was getting, and twisted the sponge before wiping down the table, looking up as he heard Jerry’s heavy footfalls on the stairs. “Well?” David stared as Jerry just stood there, smiling and shaking his head. “Promised I wouldn’t say anything,” Jerry whispered, then shrugged. “Can I… interest you in a little alone time in the barn?” “Absolutely,” David said, knowing full well there would be plenty of talking about what he wasn’t supposed to know, followed by a little kissing and fondling. Ever since William had gotten older, Jerry had taken to pulling David out to the barn for some fooling around. As far as David was concerned, he didn’t really care where it happened as long as it happened. Jerry held out his hand, and David took it, pressing himself against his husband as Jerry kissed the back of his hand and led him to the bottom of the stairs. “William? David and I are heading out to check on King. Be back in a little bit.”
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“’Kay!” David looked up at Jerry as they walked out onto the veranda. “Nothing serious?” “Not for us,” Jerry said, looking down at David. “Seems our little man has gone and fallen in love.” “What?” David stopped walking. “He’s only sixteen.” “Calm down, Doc,” Jerry said, wrapping his arm around his husband and kissing his temple. “It’s probably just puppy love.” Jerry sighed and started them walking again. “You remember how we were wondering if he would be gay or straight and we didn’t care either way?” “Yes.” “Looks like he’s gone and fallen in love with a girl,” Jerry said and waited for David’s reaction. “So?” Jerry stopped walking this time. “I thought you’d be jumping up and down because of all the grandchildren.” “He’s only sixteen,” David repeated. “He’s so young still.” “Apparently not,” Jerry said with a lopsided grin. “Seems that there was a pregnancy scare.” “A what?” Jerry nodded. “False alarm. No baby.” Jerry started them walking again. “That’s what’s been bothering him?” Jerry nodded again and pulled David between him and the slats of King’s stall. Jerry assumed his usual position, legs slightly spread so that he could be eye to eye with his husband. “He actually thought we’d be disappointed in him for losing all focus and forgetting to use a condom.” “We’d never be disappointed in William.” David was surprised, by all of it really, but he would never be disappointed in William. For
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David, William would always be that scared little boy who had led him out to this barn all those years ago to show him King and Biscuit. “That’s what I told him,” Jerry said as he leaned against David, knowing how much David loved to feel his weight pressing against him. “Told him that we’d never be disappointed in him for doing the right thing.” “Wait,” David said, putting his hands on Jerry’s face as it descended to nibble at his ear. “He proposed to her?” “I think so,” Jerry nodded, trying to free his face so he could press his lips to some warm, sensitive skin. “Apparently, her parents won’t let her see our boy anymore.” “Why not?” David saw the look on Jerry’s face, the one he had whenever he thought David was asking a stupid question. “So they got carried away. They’re sixteen, for pete’s sake.” “Not our call,” Jerry said, his lips finally making contact with David’s earlobe. David thought about that for a minute, then pulled Jerry’s face so he could look at him again. “Should we call them?” Jerry just sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “Jerry?” “I think we need to wait,” Jerry said as he brushed his hands over his husband’s hair. “This isn’t the end of the world, baby.” “I bet that’s not the way William sees it.” David was becoming a little frustrated at Jerry’s lack of reaction. Those parents should be so lucky to have someone like William in their daughter’s life. Maybe they had gotten carried away and gone way too far, but David knew that William would never have forced himself on that girl. “He says he loves her,” Jerry admitted as he pushed himself off of David and entered King’s stall. “Broke my heart to see him so sad, so worried. But we’re not going to help anyone by doing… whatever you think we should do.” Jerry picked up the rubber curry and began his gentle circular motions, talking softly to King. David figured Jerry was probably right, but if these parents thought that forbidding their daughter from seeing William wouldn’t eventually lead to more serious issues, they were seriously delusional.
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“I’m sorry, Jerry,” David said as he entered the stall and stood stroking King as Jerry worked to loosen the dirt with the rubber curry. “I didn’t mean to turn you away, but—” Jerry stopped combing and turned to face his husband. “I know you didn’t, David, and I know how much you love our son.” Jerry moved forward and leaned in to kiss David’s full lips, then went back to grooming. David picked up the plastic mane comb and began brushing the shiny black hairs with long, slow strokes, careful not to break any of the beautiful hair of King’s crowning glory. David and Jerry worked together, mostly in silence, removing the dirt from King’s coat and making it clean and shiny, eventually changing ends. David stroked the beautiful tail, coating the long hairs with Show Sheen as Jerry brushed King’s coat, flattening all the hairs, before picking up the hoofpick. “He’s such a good boy,” David said as he made his way back to the front of the stall and picked up the towel. “William?” David laughed and walked over to his husband. “I meant King, but yes, William too.” David pushed Jerry up against the back of the stall, careful not to spook King, and pressed his lips to Jerry’s. “There’s a special place in heaven for you, Jerrod McKenzie.” David saw Jerry knit his eyebrows in confusion. “For putting up with me all these years.” “It has been tough,” Jerry said as he wrapped his husband in a bear hug. “Luckily for me, you do have some redeeming qualities.” Jerry moved his hands down to cup David’s ass, giving it a squeeze. “And putting up with my father and then my sisters and their kids and Cory.” “I wouldn’t have had it any other way, mountain lion.” David didn’t pull away this time, but leaned in a little more, gasping when Jerry turned them both so that David was pressed up against the back of King’s stall. He felt Jerry teasing his lips with his tongue, and he opened his mouth, taking Jerry’s tongue in between his teeth and scraping them gently over the warm flesh. He felt Jerry’s
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hands move under his T-shirt, heard the moan escape as his husband’s hands caressed his warm back. “Jerry?” David whispered against the swollen lips. “Let’s finish up with King so that I can take you somewhere and make it up to you, show you some of those redeeming qualities.” “Sounds good to me,” Jerry said and kissed David’s forehead. David watched, laughing, as Jerry rearranged himself in his jeans and took up the hoofpick again. Jerry bent down to stroke King’s leg, the beautiful stallion lifting one leg to allow Jerry to clean his foot. For twenty-five years, Jerry and King had followed this same routine. David was sure sometimes that they could read each other’s thoughts. Jerry just had to touch King in a certain way, and the horse would do exactly what was expected. David shook his head and took up the towel again, forbidding himself to think about the day when Jerry would no longer need to care for King. David spent a few minutes letting King eat some carrots out of his hand while Jerry finished up with the stallion’s hooves, and then they both spent some time petting and telling King that he was such a good boy. They’d been out every day since King first started showing signs of not being his usual energetic self. But the King they led out to the pasture after giving him all that attention seemed like his old self again, running around Biscuit and Mountain Lion and showing off his clean, shiny black coat. Jerry walked out to the pasture to give some attention to the two other horses, turning around to tell David to follow him. David did as he was told, wondering just where they were going. As he gave some attention to Biscuit and Mountain Lion, David wondered if Jerry was leading him out to the copse of trees just behind the pasture. They’d sometimes headed out to the cover of those trees to grab some alone time, especially in the first months after David had moved here. But they hadn’t been out there since Cory had explained to William what people who love each other do, sometimes, when they’re alone together.
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David walked up beside his husband and put his hand around his waist, pulling the denim shirt out of the jeans. Jerry looked at him and smiled bemusedly. “Just trying to save some time,” David said and shrugged, wanting to make up for his earlier blunder. “Hang on,” Jerry said as he ran back to the barn. He exited a few moments later, a blanket wrapped over his arm. “Figured it would still be there.” “Of course it is,” David said with a laugh. “I still wash that blanket, just in case we need it.” David wrapped his arm around Jerry’s waist, and they headed toward the trees and some privacy. They arrived at their long-unused spot in the little clearing that was just enough space for the blanket and Jerry’s tall, muscular body. Jerry cleared the area of some twigs and then spread the blanket out. He began to unbutton his shirt, but David stopped him. “This is one my favorite parts,” David said as he started with the top buttons and moved down toward Jerry’s jeans. Jerry’s hands stroked his husband’s arms, and David felt his husband becoming more and more aroused. David reached for the buckle of Jerry’s belt, undoing it easily and then opening the jeans, teasing Jerry by pushing the zipper down very, very slowly. David leaned up when his hand wrapped around his husband’s uncut dick, and kissed Jerry, their mouths opening almost immediately, tongues swirling and flicking. David felt Jerry’s hands move off of his arms to push his own jeans down, and David pulled away again. David pushed gently on the hairy chest and when Jerry’s back was against the nearest tree, David fell to his knees, inserting his tongue between the thick foreskin and mushroom head of his husband’s beautiful cock. He hummed and moaned when he felt the head blossom in his mouth, felt Jerry’s hands play with his ears and his hair. David put his hand at the base of Jerry’s cock and pulled, gathering the foreskin so that he could nibble and suck, his eyes closing at the taste and smell of his husband. He used his hands to begin pushing down Jerry’s jeans and boxers and felt Jerry’s knees bend slightly, David’s cue to take the sensitive balls into one hand and fondle
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and caress. Jerry did little things like this, whether intentionally or not, and they drove David crazy with desire. To know that Jerry trusted him, wanted him enough to completely open himself up like this meant as much to David as Jerry saying I love you. He brought one hand back to the jeans and boxers, pushing them down even further while the other hand cupped Jerry’s balls, fondling and caressing. His head continued to push back and forth, listening to the sounds that Jerry was making. He pushed the jeans and boxers down all the way to Jerry’s ankles and brought the other hand up to tap at Jerry’s hole, teasing his cheeks apart so that he could find the sensitive ring of muscle. David brought his mouth off of Jerry’s erection, took a deep breath and looked up, reveling in Jerry’s lust-filled eyes, in how Jerry’s head fell back when David breached the tight hole. “Am I forgiven, cowboy?” David asked as he took the hand that had been cupping and caressing his husband’s balls and used it to pull the foreskin forward again, inserting his finger between it and the engorged head. David smiled when Jerry’s hands caressed his cheeks and his head came forward to look down. “Don’t wanna come yet,” Jerry panted. “Wanna be inside you, baby. Love coming inside you.” David had been growing uncomfortably hard in his jeans before this point, but when he heard Jerry talk like that, he knew he had to get some relief soon. He took Jerry into his mouth and reached down with one hand, popping the button on his own jeans and freeing his straining erection. As he sucked and pulled on the heated flesh of Jerry’s big dick, he returned his hand to fondle and caress first one testicle and then the other. He was almost too far gone to recognize what he felt beneath his fingers. He pulled off and out of Jerry, pushing aside the cock that he’d just had in his mouth and putting his hand underneath the sensitive ball sac. He brought his other hand over to the left testicle and began to palpate. He was so focused on finding what he’d just felt that he didn’t hear Jerry the first time.
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“David?” Jerry was pulling up on his chin, to see his face. David tried to smile, but it must not have been convincing. “What’s wrong?” Jerry asked, his eyes darting back and forth between David’s. “I found a lump,” David whispered and then began to pull up Jerry’s boxers and jeans, fastening them and leaving the belt for Jerry. David did up Jerry’s shirt buttons, feeling like the task was impossible because his hands were suddenly shaky and numb. He pushed himself back into his own jeans and brought his eyes up to Jerry’s. “I’m going to make an appointment for you with Dr. Wulfhaart.”
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Chapter 6 HE’D left Jerry and their boys, and Tara, sleeping so that he could sneak out early this Sunday morning to think things through. Finding that lump yesterday, learning that William had fallen in love but was rejected by the girl’s parents, and knowing that Cory and Tara would be gone in another couple of days, it had all piled up on him, sneaked up on him, and that was on top of his studies and his work as a guidance counselor. And then his mother was sick and still in the hospital. He’d been to visit her and thought that they had a chance to reconcile, but then she’d gone back to her usual dismissive ways of one-syllable answers or not answering at all. He didn’t know what to do anymore, didn’t know why he was having such a hard time dealing with everything. He’d always suspected that he’d one day turn out like his mother—the unpredictable mood swings, the dramatic and energetic highs followed by the soul-crushing lows. But by the time he’d turned forty, he’d just figured he wouldn’t suffer as she had, that he’d somehow escaped it. David sat in the red vinyl booth in the Dutch Maid store, a green tea and an enormous apple muffin sitting in front of him. He shook his head, as if that small gesture would help him in trying to figure out where to start, would somehow arrange all of his thoughts. Finally, he looked up at the deep green eyes of his oldest and best friend in the world. Lenore smiled at him, waiting for David to start in his own good time. “I feel like I’m losing my mind some days,” David whispered, grateful that Lenore had come to his rescue once again. “I just want to run out of the house and scream.” “Why don’t you?”
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“I think Jerry would have me committed,” David laughed, picking at the muffin. “I found the lump in his testicle, but he spent most of the night trying to comfort me.” “Is there any history of cancer in his family?” David shook his head and leaned back against the cool vinyl of the booth. “I tried to talk to him about it, but he fell asleep on me.” He leaned forward again, his left hand turning the mug around and around on the table. He stopped suddenly. “Why isn’t he worried about this?” “Maybe he is, but he doesn’t want you to worry. Or maybe he fell asleep because he was tired?” Lenore said with her practiced sarcastic air, reaching across and pulling the muffin into the center of the table. David just looked at her. “No sense in wasting it.” She peeled off a piece and popped it in her mouth. “Did you ask him why he’s not worried about it? Or did you even ask him if he is?” “I did,” David confessed, picking at his side of the muffin. “He said he’d worry about it when and if there’s anything to worry about.” “Smart man,” Lenore said over her mug of coffee. “To hang on to you and not to worry everyone over something that very well could be nothing.” “I never thought I could love someone so much, Lenore.” David finally pushed the muffin toward Lenore and picked up his napkin and picked at it. Lenore laughed and reached out to take the napkin away, letting it fall on the fake wood surface of the table, beside the muffin. “For pete’s sake, David, you keep doing this routine, and I’m going to have to get the smelling salts and tell everyone you have the vapors.” “I know, I know,” David said, knowing that Lenore was talking about his fidgeting and his general unease. “I can’t get my mind to settle. I’m not sleeping. I can’t concentrate for more than a couple of minutes.” “Why do you think that is?” Lenore sipped her coffee and then reached down for another chunk of muffin. “Maybe you’re just trying to do too much?”
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“It’s more than just that. William has almost finished school and then he’ll be off to Guelph to become a vet and start his own life, and my mother is sick because she won’t take her insulin or stop drinking. Then there’s Cory and Tara, and….” David let his head fall into his hands. “I start thinking about those things, and I get so sad,” he said to the table’s surface, noticing for the first time that there were initials carved near his elbow. “That doesn’t mean you’re crazy, sweetie.” Lenore reached across the table and squeezed David’s forearm. “It just means you’re human.” “Jerry and I talked about me going to talk to someone. You know, a psychologist or a psychiatrist.” “I’m a big believer in everyone needing help every now and then,” Lenore said as she reached beside her, into her purse, and retrieved a card. She placed the tattered card on the table and slid it across to David. “She’s talked me off the ledge a couple of times.” Lenore squeezed David’s arm again. “Thanks, Lenore,” David said, smiling and already feeling a little bit better. “Lord knows I have enough training to be able to see all of this for what it is, but it all just… hits me at once sometimes, and I feel like….” “Call her,” Lenore said, pointing to the card. “It’s always a good idea to talk to somebody who isn’t close to us, who can see things in a different light.” “I know,” David said as he picked up the card and pulled out his wallet, placing the card inside. “I love you. You know that, right?” “And I love you, even though you’re a big homo,” Lenore said with a wink. “And I love William and Cory,” she said picking up her mug. “And even Jerry.” “He adores you too.” David let go of a heavy sigh, feeling so much better. “I hope this lump turns out to be nothing. I just can’t stop thinking that… I’ll lose everything just when I can’t live without it. What if Jerry….” “He is going to die,” Lenore said, her expression serious but compassionate. “And so will you and so will I.” Lenore put her coffee
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mug on the fake wood again and laid her hand, palm up, out for David. He took it and felt her reassuring warmth. “He will die one day. So, the only thing you can do about it is to show him, right now, how much he means to you.” Lenore squeezed David’s hand one last time and then picked up her mug. “And considering his family genes and that they all live to be almost a hundred years old, I’d say you’ve got another forty or fifty years to show him just how much.” She sipped her coffee, furrowed her brow, and then added, “Of course, that’s assuming that you don’t get hit by a bus on your way home this morning.” David looked up to see her evil grin, laughing and shaking his head in defeat. “I hate you. You know that right?” Lenore just laughed at him and pushed the muffin back in the center of the table. David was surprised to find that he was actually feeling a little bit hungry. “So,” Lenore said after a few moments. “William didn’t turn out gay, huh?” David held up a finger in warning, but he was too late. “You and Jerry not doing something right?” David could see that she wasn’t finished yet. A few seconds later, she added, “Won’t you get kicked out of the homo club for having a straight kid? Honestly, how are you able to live with the shame?” David tried not to give her the satisfaction of knowing she’d made him laugh, but he let go of a chortle, feeling even better. He leaned back, stealing the muffin from under her hand as she reached out.
WILLIAM was sitting at his computer, Billie lying peacefully on the heating vent in the floor by his feet. His leg tapped nervously as he checked for any new e-mails. There were none. He’d spent a restless night thinking about nothing else but Anne. Why hadn’t he heard from her yet? She’d managed to get a text message to him, but there was no e-mail. Had her parents restricted her computer privileges? Had they taken away her laptop? Or did she realize that she didn’t want to be with him anymore? William had already promised her that there would be no more sex until they both felt ready, but maybe she didn’t believe
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him? He was convinced that he loved her, loved everything about her. The way she laughed at his jokes, the way she held his hand whenever he asked her to. Even the way she looked at him, like he was the most handsome guy at school. It had certainly been a surprise to find himself feeling this way about Julie’s friend. He’d gone along on the dates because Wayde wanted to go out with Julie so badly, and her parents would only allow her to go out in groups. But then Julie had found a way for her and Wayde to be together, which left William alone with Anne. At first, William had been scared to death, just at the thought of being alone with a girl. William had always figured he would end up liking boys, just like David and Jerry. He’d planned on it, in fact. But then he and Anne had started talking and had discovered that they had so much in common. They both loved animals, horses especially. They both liked school and learning new things. They both hated some of the biggest bullies in the school. Anne had been bullied, too, telling William it was because she was fat. William didn’t see her that way. She was beautiful, healthy, and a really kind person. She did volunteer work at the elementary school, even though she’d already earned enough hours to satisfy her community volunteer credits. When Wayde and Julie asked them to go with them to the movies, William couldn’t wait to go. He’d sat beside Anne, their legs touching every now and then. William had been a complete bundle of nerves, but he’d finally managed to reach out and take her hand. His heart felt like it was going to beat through his chest when she took it and squeezed it; she didn’t pull it away. She likes me too, he’d screamed to himself, so relieved that he missed the entire second half of the movie because his eyes were riveted to their interlaced fingers. Since that particular date, William and Anne had been inseparable for more than two months, but then the pregnancy scare had blindsided them. William hadn’t been able to see Anne for more than a week. He’d been so wrapped up in these new developing feelings for Anne that he’d not given much thought to anything else, including telling Jerry and David. In fact, William had not thought about his fathers at all, that is until he and Anne had gone too far and he had
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realized that he could become a father himself. And despite the fear that this realization had stirred up in William, as if it were some horrible case of indigestion, he had found himself to be rather excited at the thought of becoming a father. It wasn’t the ideal life he’d imagined for himself, but if Anne really was pregnant and they were going to be parents, there wasn’t much William would be able to do but marry her and work really hard to make sure he was a good husband, a good father, and a good provider. He would find a way, with David and Jerry’s help, to become a vet and to ensure that his life and Anne’s and the baby’s was a happy one. That would be his responsibility after all. Jerry and David had taught him the importance of family and sacrifice. But Anne wasn’t pregnant after all, and instead of being able to see her, to comfort her, to be with her, William was alone in his room waiting for scraps of communication that would convince him that Anne still loved him. She’d said so herself, but William wasn’t sure about any of it anymore. He heard a knock at his door. “Come in.” He watched as Billie stood up, as she always did whenever anyone came into the room. The door opened and there was Cory. “Hey, Billiam,” Cory said as he moved to sit on the bed. “Feel like talking about it?” Billie moved over to the bed, Cory reaching out his hand to scratch her ears and tell her how big she’d gotten. William smiled, knowing already that Cory would have some words of wisdom for him. “I don’t even know where to start,” William said as he leaned back in his chair. “Start wherever you want.” William took a deep breath and leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “I met this girl,” he began, wondering if Cory would be surprised. “She’s really pretty and funny and nice, and I thought she liked me and then Wayde and Julie wanted to spend time alone, so Anne and I would still go out together by ourselves, and it was really great for a couple of months, then one night when her parents were out, we got carried away, and then she told me one day
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she might be pregnant, and—” William didn’t realize he was rambling until Cory interrupted him. “Whoa, Billiam,” Cory said, his hand raised and his brow furrowing. “You didn’t use a condom?” William felt himself blushing and shook his head, the embarrassment of his impetuousness coming back again. “Like I said, we got carried away. Anyway, now I can’t see her because her parents think I’m irresponsible and Jerry said he’d be willing to go and meet with the parents and—” “You talked to Jerry about this?” William nodded. “I love her.” Cory tilted his head, the smile returning to his face as reached out to put his hand on his brother’s knee. “That’s great, Billiam. I’m so happy for you.” “But I haven’t seen her in almost a week. I feel like I’m going crazy.” William crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair again. “What did Jerry say? Besides him meeting the parents.” “He’s happy for me, that I’ve found someone who’s special to me, and he wants Anne to think of you and Dad and David as friends.” William found himself smiling. He had the best dad in the world. “I know it may not seem like it, buddy, but things will work out the way they’re supposed to.” Cory removed his hand and went back to petting Billie. “What if I never see her again?” “You will,” Cory said, his tone giving William some confidence because Cory was an adult now and knew these kinds of things. “And maybe you or Anne won’t feel this way forever, but it just means that she’s not the one you were meant to be with.” “How did you know that Tara was the one?” Cory shrugged. “Why do you think Anne is the one?” His smile and the expression on his face was teasing, William was sure. “This is
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one of the puzzling things about life. How do you know anything but what you’re feeling?” “I just hope I haven’t ruined everything,” William sighed as he felt his leg bouncing again. “You weren’t the only one who made that mistake, Billiam. Anne was there too.” Cory stopped petting Billie and looked up. “You didn’t force her, did you?” “No!” William yelled the word, frightened that this was one of the reasons Anne wasn’t allowed to see him, that her parents figured William had tricked her or forced her in some way. “We were just kissing, like we’d done before, and then she put her hand… down there… and….” William was feeling way too embarrassed to say all of this in front of Cory, even though he knew that Cory knew what happened when two people had sex. For the hundredth time, William wished that Cory had been there when he’d first met Anne. It might have saved him some of the heartache he was going through now. “Okay,” Cory laughed and held up his hands. “I don’t need the details.” His face became full of compassion and understanding. “I don’t think there’s anything you can do but wait, buddy.” “But what if her parents never let me see her again?” Cory shrugged and opened his eyes wide, as if he were about to break some bad news. “That’s a possibility, Billiam. But if you and Anne love each other, then time won’t really matter, will it?” Cory stood up and stretched his back. “You two will be eighteen soon, and back in school in only another couple of weeks. You’ll see each other then.” Moving to the door, he turned and studied William for a moment. “But the most important thing you’re going to do is obey her parents’ wishes. Give them time to get all of this sorted out in their heads. And give yourself some time to figure out the best way to make sure you don’t do anything so… rash… again.” “Thanks, Cory,” William said and raised himself to wrap his brother in a big bear hug. “I’m glad you’re back. When do you and Tara have to leave again?”
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“We leave on Wednesday,” Cory said, putting William into a loose headlock. “Now,” he said, looking from his brother to Billie. “Tara’s downstairs getting some reading done before she heads back to classes. Wanna see if you can finally beat me at soccer?” “What do you mean finally? I’ve beaten you plenty of times,” William said as he turned and beckoned for Billie to follow him. “Yeah,” Cory said with a raised eyebrow. “And then you woke up.” “Shut up,” William said with a snarl. “I have too beaten you.” “You know,” Cory said as he wrapped his arm around his brother again, Billie running between them to get down the stairs first. “I think you are taller than David now.” William smiled at that thought. He was glad that he’d gotten to be as tall as David, never really having believed that he would get to be this tall, let alone taller than David. “Speak of the devil,” Cory said as he opened the door in time to see David stepping up to the veranda. “How are my men this morning?” David had a big smile on his face, and William couldn’t help wondering what his meeting with Lenore had been about. William had come down for breakfast to find Jerry alone in the kitchen, and a note from David explaining that he’d had to meet with Lenore about something. “Great,” William said as David stopped in front of him and pushed his fingers through the thick mop of blond hair, moving it out of William’s eyes. “I need to talk to you later.” William knew that Jerry had probably already said something to David, but he needed to tell David anyway. “Anytime, William.” David moved his hand around to the back of William’s neck and gave it a little squeeze. “I’m glad to see you’re smiling again. I was worried about you.” “I know,” William said as he leaned forward to give David a hug. “I’m sorry. I love you.”
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“You don’t need to apologize, sweetie,” David said, wrapping his arms tightly around his son. “And I love you too.” David sighed as he looked into William’s blue eyes. “Always have, always will.” William let go and picked up the ball that Cory had kicked to him to get him moving. He kicked the ball back and ran out to the field, feeling lighter than he had in weeks.
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Chapter 7 JERRY stared at the soap dispenser on the counter of the bathroom, his face contorted in a show of great concentration. His jeans and boxers were bunched around his ankles, his tongue moving involuntarily with the movements of his hands as he tried to locate the lump. He stood in the center of the room, bow-legged as a rodeo cowboy, both of his hands working together as they caressed the delicate skin of his scrotum and palpated his sensitive testicles. Funny, he thought as he made a second pass, they’re not sensitive when David’s touching or sucking on them. He chalked it up to his calloused and work-hewn hands, far too used to moving with force and strength. Of course, it could also be because David was an incredibly sensitive person, felt everything very deeply. It was probably why Jerry didn’t want to worry him. He’d felt himself stop breathing when he’d heard the words out of David’s mouth yesterday. His brain had figured out what the words meant and then just gone numb, as if the only thing that mattered was making sure that he didn’t show David how much he was also worried about the lump. It was a strange, if not stupid, reaction. He should have told his husband that he was concerned, but David had been on edge lately, worrying about anything and everything. That was why Jerry had made sure to get to William first, not wanting David to take even one more thing into his already overloaded brain. He’d spent most of last night lying there in bed, slowing his breathing, thinking about what he and David had talked about. Jerry had never considered going to a psychologist, ever. He’d always figured that life was supposed to be a series of ups and downs.
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No one knew that better than Jerry. He’d lost his parents at a young age and had been left more or less alone in the world. He didn’t have any brothers or sisters, and his only living relative had been Pamela, who’d taken off to Europe when she turned twenty-five and gained control over her trust fund. So, he’d started looking for some place where he could do his art, only venturing back into civilization when he felt the overwhelming urge to find some little blond thing and fuck until dawn. There’d even been a couple of times when he’d thought he’d found someone worth getting to know, but there had always been some reason it didn’t work out. He’d thought he’d been happy all those years, living alone with his horses and his ranch house. There’d been the renovations to keep him busy, his artwork, and his few friends. He’d managed to find an even keel between the ups and the downs, settling for a few bumps here and there, which he could handle with very little aggravation or upset to his life. Before he knew what had happened, he was middle-aged and his small circle of friends had married or moved away or both. It was like what William learned in grade six about that frog that jumps out of the boiling water if you put him in it, but will stay in the water that’s slowly heated until the frog boils to death. Jerry’s well-ordered and perfect existence, free from the ups and downs, had changed into something he didn’t want—he’d lost touch with those few friends he did have, he’d become far too comfortable with anonymous sex, and he’d found himself growing quickly irritated by most people he came in contact with. But it had all happened so slowly that he hadn’t realized anything was missing until it was all gone. And then that tan sedan had arrived, transporting a little blond boy whose life had been nothing but ups and downs, a boy who was just as lost and alone as Jerry, a boy who needed him. The lawyer, Mr. Boyd, had been right; Jerry and William had needed each other, had been the best thing for each other. Jerry had opened himself up to the possibility of sharing his life with someone else—it wasn’t a tall, dark, handsome man like he’d always hoped. It was a short, blond, beautiful little boy who had been enrolled in the class of a teacher who, after only one visit, had completely and irreversibly changed William’s and
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Jerry’s lives. David had turned out to be the tall, dark, handsome man Jerry had been waiting for, and together they’d made a home for not only William, but also Cory and Billie. But now, if the lump did exist, Jerry might lose it all. There was no denying that Jerry had a temper, and had to work hard, for his family’s sake, to keep it in check, but the possibility of dying seemed to have sapped Jerry of any temper at all. He’d spent most of the last few days wondering why he wasn’t angry, why he wasn’t railing against the unfairness of it all. He imagined that day would come soon enough, especially if the prognosis was the one he feared, but for now, the only thing that Jerry seemed to find strength in was the persistent thoughts of trying not to think about a life without David and the boys. Jerry wasn’t ready to let any of it go. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the happiest years of his life. He wanted to be here to watch his grandchildren grow up. He wanted to be the one to help them learn to ride—horses and bikes. He wanted to be there at his sons’ weddings so that he could watch them solemnize—as he had with David—a relationship based on love and respect. He wanted to be around, so that he could tell embarrassing stories about them during the reception. And most of all, Jerry knew, he wanted another thirty or forty years with David. Jerry felt the coolness of the tears on his cheek and stopped his hands. He looked at himself in the mirror of the bathroom, his eyes filling with tears. It’s just so unfair, he thought to himself and looked away from his reflection. He wasn’t sure if he was disgusted at the clichéd thought of unfairness or at the realization that he was human after all. Realizing it was probably both, Jerry shook his head, swiped at his wet cheeks and spread his knees again. He tried a third pass and still found nothing. Was this normal? Could lumps just come and go like that? Was it loose and moving around? Jerry was thinking maybe that was worth the appointment that David would be making for him, maybe that alone was cause to worry. His knees were starting to ache from standing like that bow-legged cowboy for the past ten minutes, so he decided to stop before he got too
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much more frustrated. He stood and stretched his back, just as he heard David calling his name from the hallway outside the bedroom. He bent over quickly to pull up his boxers and then jeans, trying to get everything put away before David found him, but he was too late. He looked up at his husband as he settled his boxers on his hips, then reached for his jeans. “How’s Lenore?” Jerry asked, trying to sound casual, as if he’d just been using the bathroom for its usual purpose. “Have a good visit?” “Fine,” David said, his eyes taking everything in. Jerry thought about confessing all, but he stopped himself from saying anything else. He remembered David telling him that students were usually caught in a lie because they started to babble, to provide far too much detail. So, Jerry would not do either. “She gave me the name of a psychologist. I’m going to make an appointment with her tomorrow after I make an appointment for you with Dr. Wulfhaart. Were… you… just checking yourself?” Jerry laughed and finished buckling his belt. He walked over to his husband and kissed his cheek before grabbing him up into a hug. “How do you do that? I mean, no matter what I do or say, you always know what’s going on. It’s like you’re psychic or something.” “It’s easy,” David said with a smile. “I’ve installed cameras all over the house.” Jerry looked at him, his own smile fading, and then saw the glint in those amber eyes. “Of course I’m kidding.” David kissed him on the lips. “I knew you weren’t that relaxed about the lump. No one can be that casual about something like that.” “I just didn’t want to worry you, David.” Jerry walked them over to the bed and pushed on his husband’s chest, watching him fall onto the bed. “Especially since you told me how much stress you’ve been having lately.” Jerry crawled onto the bed, resting on his side, and pulled David close against him. “Didn’t want to add to your worries.” Jerry felt the familiar push against his chest and rolled onto his back and waited for David to crawl on top of him, the long legs straddling his hips. “That was unfair of me. I’m sorry to have made you feel like you couldn’t tell me your worries.” David interlaced his
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fingers with Jerry’s, and leaned down to steal a kiss. “I think I just need some coping techniques to deal with all of the changes.” “Still want me to come with?” Jerry pushed his palms against David’s, the smaller man’s elbows bending until Jerry could wrap his arms, along with David’s, around his husband’s back. He tipped David over by raising his right hip, and then their positions were reversed. Jerry had his husband’s arms pinned to the bed, so he dipped his head immediately to nibble and kiss one of those sensitive ears. “I’d like that, baby,” David said as he closed his eyes. “But I’ll see how it goes with just me. Who knows, maybe she’ll tell me I’m actually normal.” Jerry looked down at him and wondered why David didn’t look any older. Except for the streaks of gray in his hair, he looked just as he did seven years ago. And if Niels was any indication, David would probably look the same for the next twenty years. Twenty years we may not get. The thought came to Jerry so swiftly that he found his hands stalled on his husband’s body, all desire and wanting forgotten. Jerry rolled to David’s side and tried to control the tears that threatened to reappear as quickly as they had in the bathroom just moments before. “What’s wrong?” David asked as he looked over and raised himself on his elbows. “What if it is cancer?” Jerry looked over, the twin feelings of fear and guilt invading him completely. He didn’t want to be afraid, didn’t want to worry David, but he didn’t seem to be able to push these feelings down far enough. Jerry felt David move closer, felt one hand cradle the back of his head while the other rested reassuringly on his chest. David kissed him softly on the lips. “I know,” he said soothingly. “I don’t want to think about it either, but if it is cancer…. I guess we’ll have some decisions to make.” “I’m not ready,” Jerry said, his voice breaking slightly. “I know it’s selfish, but I’m not ready.” “That’s not selfish,” David whispered, the fingers of one hand drying Jerry’s cheeks. “That’s normal.”
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“While I was in the bathroom… and then just now… I was thinking about the next twenty or thirty years with you… and….” Jerry looked up into David’s beautiful brown eyes and saw that he was crying now as well. “I’m sorry. I know I should be stronger, but—” “Now that’s enough of that,” David said, his tone gentle, yet firm. “You’re the strongest man I’ve ever met, Jerry, but I certainly don’t expect you to keep everything inside. You’ve been so worried about me, taking everything on yourself, as usual, but now is not the time to try and keep these feelings hidden.” David’s hands were kneading his chest and the back of his neck, and Jerry found it all very comforting. “Strength doesn’t always mean sitting back and saying nothing. Sometimes strength means admitting your fears, admitting that you’re scared. I know that you’re a very strong man, Jerry, but it took just as much strength for you to tell me you’re scared.” David continued to massage Jerry’s chest and neck. Jerry let his eyes drift shut for a moment. “We’ll get through this.” Jerry nodded and opened his eyes, offering a weak smile to his husband. “Now,” David announced suddenly. “Promise me that you won’t keep taking all of this on yourself? And I’ll promise you that I’ll stop piling all of my problems on you.” “No,” Jerry said as he covered David’s hand with his own. “I don’t want that. I mean, I don’t want you thinking you can’t tell me what’s bothering you.” Jerry brought his husband’s hand to his mouth, kissing it slowly. “Good,” David said, his smile making Jerry feel as comforted as it always did. “So it’s settled. No more keeping things from me?” Jerry nodded his agreement and pushed David onto his back. And as Jerry let his head come to rest on his husband’s chest, he closed his eyes again and found himself being lulled to sleep by the sounds of David’s heartbeat. And before sleep finally claimed him, Jerry promised himself that he would do whatever was needed to ensure that he would get those next twenty years with his family.
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DAVID pulled his new SUV into the parking lot of the hospital, finding an available spot almost immediately. He pulled into the space, turned off the engine, and sat for a moment, wondering what he was doing here. He’d visited his mother in the hospital every day since she’d first been admitted, feeling very hopeful that she’d changed, that she was truly interested in seeing him, talking to him. But the last few visits had seemed to be filled with tension and doubt. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to keep visiting, if he wanted to keep up this particular activity on top of everything else he was dealing with. He’d found himself thinking lately about the six months he’d spent with Jerry and William and Cory in Italy. It had been an incredible, magical time in all of their lives. The most important decision he’d ever had to make during those six months was which museum to take the boys to as part of the lessons he’d planned. Every day and every night had been filled with carefree adventures. Cory would spend the afternoons with Jerry at the university while William and David explored the countryside, practicing their Italian and usually dissolving into fits of laughter when they found that their Italian sounded more like French. They’d pretended to be tourists from France or Germany, speaking one language and then the other as they toured the Uffizi or the Medici Chapels in Florence or tried to see how many of the top attractions they could fit in one afternoon, like the Ponte Vecchio or the Campanile Bell Tower or the Palazzo Pitti. There were day trips to Naples or Venice, picnics in parks, nights in beautiful old hotels, Jerry and David in one room while Cory and William had their own. There had also been the passion that Jerry and David had shared almost every night. There had even been a weekend spent driving up to Switzerland so that William could buy some flowers for Frau Zimmerman’s final resting place, and introduce Billie to her namesake. It was six months that David was bright enough to realize would never come again, and he’d been right. Everything was changing and David couldn’t do anything about it. William was now a man. David
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couldn’t bring himself to think about his little boy becoming sexually active without feeling a little confused and lost. No one had told him that after finding the family he’d longed for all of his life that he would have to learn to let them go soon. He couldn’t help feeling cheated. He shook his head and told himself to stop being so dramatic and self-pitying, shouldered open the door, and exited the SUV. He scolded himself, a smile ghosting across his face as he remembered that, even if his mother didn’t want anything more to do with him, he still had Jerry and William and Cory. And now, he had a daughter-in-law and within another couple of years, he would have grandchildren and another son in university. He and Jerry could travel, or start a business, or spend entire days in bed doing whatever they felt like, as often as they wanted. David made his way into the lobby of the hospital, turned left toward the elevators and punched the button for the fifth floor, determined to try again to reach his mother. He followed the red line that was painted on the floor, knowing that it would lead him to the end of the hall and the private room that his mother occupied. He’d had a good day, a very good day, and he was feeling a little more like himself and smiling as he slowed his pace and entered room 509. He approached the hospital bed, seeing his mother’s head turn and look at him. “Hi, Mom. How are you feeling today?” He wasn’t surprised when she didn’t answer him right away. She was lying in the bed, her left arm propped up on two pillows. She was reading a fairly thick book. “What are you reading?” She held up the book in her right hand, but did not speak. David tilted his head and read the title along the spine. “Family Secrets, Gay Sons, A Mother’s Story.” “Your father felt I needed an education,” she said dryly, placing the book, tent-like, on her leg. She reached for the leather bookmark she’d been using ever since David was in high school. “And do you feel educated, yet?” David took the book off her leg, and she handed him the bookmark, which he placed carefully in between the pages. He took a few steps back and sat in the vinylcovered chair near the foot of the bed.
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“I guess it depends on whether or not I need to know what it means to be a mother of a gay son in 1997.” David watched as his mother brought her hand up to fix her salt and pepper hair. He nodded, not really knowing what to say to that particular answer. David opened the book and read the first few lines of the first chapter, then flipped the book over and read the details of the author. “Written by a clinical psychologist who is also a mother,” David observed, wondering if it was worth a read. “Where’s Dad?” “Where he always is,” she said, removing her elegant reading glasses and placing them in her lap. David figured this would be another one of her bad days, supplying terse, dismissive answers to his questions, and decided to wait for another half-hour or so and then return to his own family. “Are you here to take his place?” “No,” he said, refusing to allow himself to be drawn in. “I’m here because I’m worried about you.” She seemed to consider this, fidgeting with her glasses, her nails unpolished and her face without makeup. “There’s no need to worry about me. You have your own to take care of.” It was the first time in the week of visits that he heard her make even an oblique reference to his family. David felt a little surprised, momentarily taken aback by what he perceived as her shifting demeanor. “My family is fine. You’re not.” “Nonsense,” she said proudly. “There’s nothing wrong with me.” “Except your diabetes… and the black-out… and the car accident,” David replied quickly. She turned and glared, but David did not look away. He met her stare, not taking any pleasure in the fact that she turned away first. “And the drinking.” His mother did not look up at this last. When she spoke, David thought she sounded defeated, drained. “They’re only problems if they’re inconvenient.” David almost sighed, remembering suddenly his mother’s fondness for such cryptic remarks. It didn’t take him long to figure out what she was trying to say. “You were trying to kill yourself.”
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“Don’t be dramatic,” she scolded, picking up her glasses and putting them back on her slim nose. “I wasn’t trying to do anything.” “I don’t believe you.” He blurted it out, without thinking. It wasn’t the first time that he’d found himself letting his true thoughts slip out. He had to remind himself that he was almost fifty years old, that he didn’t need to censor himself anymore. She said nothing, only looked at the book in David’s hand, reaching out her hand for it. David stood and gave the book back to her. He watched, still standing beside her, as she opened the book and found where she’d left off. Clearing her throat, she began to read. Instead of leaving, David backed up and returned to the chair, sitting again and waiting. He knew she would probably not say any more, but he wanted to show her that he would not be going anywhere, that he no longer responded to the silent treatment, at least not in the way she’d trained her children. Neither said anything for quite a while, until David noticed his mother close the book and look at him. “It’s a very difficult book to read,” she said, her voice almost a whisper. David said nothing, waiting for his mother to finish her thought. “She writes of questioning all of her decisions, her choices. She was a psychologist and thought herself more accepting. But she reacted badly to finding out that both of her sons were homosexual.” He looked at his mother and then at the book. “All of that in the first two chapters?” “This is the third time I’ve read it.” She continued to look at him. He couldn’t figure out whether this fact bothered her or comforted her. She held up the book. “Your father gave it to me four years ago.” “When did you read it for the first time?” “When I woke up in the hospital last week, I found it on the bedside table.” She took off her glasses and placed them and the book in her lap. “Your father left it for me, I think.” “You’ve read the book three times in a week?” “Your nieces and nephews love you,” she said distractedly. “All I’ve been hearing about from my own grandchildren is how wonderful
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you are, how exciting it is to have an uncle who lives on a ranch, with horses.” He suddenly felt as if he were ten years old again, wanting nothing more than his mother’s love and approval. “Does that make you angry? Or just sad?” “Neither,” she said, still holding his gaze for a moment. Replacing her glasses, she picked up the book and opened it. David was prepared to wait again, but then she offered, “I think Madison has a crush on your husband.” David felt his chest tighten at his mother’s use of the word husband. She’d not yet even acknowledged his homosexuality, let alone that he was now married with a family of his own. “He’s a wonderful man,” David said, leaning forward in the chair. “So your father has told me.” “And William and Cory are very special too.” “Yes,” she said, glancing down at the book. “Your father has mentioned your boys quite often. He seems quite taken with them.” “They love him too… very much.” He stood on impulse and leaned against the hospital bed, his hand mere inches away from her left, the one in the cast. He pulled his hand away. “William wanted to know if he could send you flowers and a card.” She moved her cast, farther away from the railing, then reached up with her right hand and removed her glasses one last time. She was staring at them, held fast in one hand, while she let the book fall closed. David wanted, more than anything, to know what was going on in her head. “Do you think that would be okay?” “He sounds like a very considerate young man,” she said, her eyes still fixed to the reading glasses in her hand. “Perhaps… he would like to… bring them… when you visit next?” David was done waiting. He moved to the other side of the bed and reached out his hand and took hers, sandwiching her good hand between his own. He’d not felt the touch of her hand in over twenty years. He’d had no such reaction when he’d entered her room for the
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first time a week ago, had had no such feeling of hope when he’d spoken to her, heard the sound of her voice. But the touch of her hand, the warmth it held, it was what he’d missed the most, her brushing the hair out of his eyes when he was William’s age. David supposed it was why he did it to William. He perched himself on the edge of the bed, her hand still in his. He was surprised she had not yet pulled away. Hugs and caresses never lasted for more than a few seconds, even when they’d been infants. David and his sisters had always joked, exaggeratedly, when they were much younger which one of them would be able to last an entire minute. He wondered if he was finally beginning to understand his mother. “I think he would like that,” David said finally when he felt his mother’s hand squeeze his and pull away. “We’ll only stay for a moment or two, though, so you can get—” “Acclimated?” “I was going to say some rest.” The glasses went back on the aquiline nose and the book was opened again. David thought about retreating to the chair again, ready to wait so that he could speak with her about the diabetes and the drinking. He decided to let it go. She wanted to meet William, or at least accept the flowers and a card in person. That was enough progress for one day.
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Chapter 8 SUNDAYS usually meant lasagna for Jerry and William, and there was nothing that they loved more than David’s lasagna, except for perhaps everything else he made. David was an incredible cook, but Jerry felt like barbecuing tonight. It was one of the only things he could actually do well that involved cooking food. William and Cory had been fond of telling him that he needed to cook when he was still half-asleep because breakfast was the only meal that tasted the way it should. Jerry uncurled the hose from its holder on the side of the house and walked over to the grill, smiling at the ribbing he took whenever necessity dictated that Jerry prepare dinner. He removed the grill and reached into his back pocket for the wire brush that would make the metal shine like new. This was the secret that had been passed to him by his father; nothing ruined a barbecue faster than a grill that wasn’t like new. Jerry had never understood the fascination with a clean grill until he had a family to grill for. He’d realized that what his father was actually saying was that there was a sense of satisfaction in doing a job right the first time, in making sure that everything was as close to perfect as you could make it. Jerry finished scrubbing the grill and then leaned it up against the brick retaining wall that held the flowers and the ferns that David loved to tend. No one would ever accuse David of being the best gardener in the world, but he did have a knack for making things seem a lot more like a home. He pressed the trigger on the nozzle of the hose and used sweeping motions to rinse off the caked on gunk from the last barbecue as a glint of sunshine caught his attention. He turned to see a car coming up the driveway, a car he didn’t recognize. It was a burgundy sedan, a Lexus it seemed to Jerry, and it
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was moving rather quickly. He checked his hands and turned the hose on them, one at a time, then released the trigger. He reached into his other back pocket for his bandana and wiped his hands thoroughly, wondering who would be coming out to see him. He didn’t know anyone who drove a burgundy car. Jerry stopped near the veranda, giving the car more than enough room to come to a stop safely, then shoving the bandana back into his pocket, advanced toward the man and woman who were opening their doors. They seemed to be in the midst of some sort of heated discussion. Jerry had no idea who these folks were, and had no idea how to prepare himself for whatever they were coming to discuss. He squinted against the sun as the man made his way, more quickly than the woman, to where he stood. “Afternoon,” Jerry said, planting his hands on his hips. The man was probably only about five-nine or so, Jerry figured, and the woman was so petite that he wondered how she saw over the dash of that huge car. “Help you?” “Mr. McKenzie?” The man spoke as soon as his wife was by his side. When Jerry nodded, the man pointed to himself and then his wife. “Jim and Sheila Hill. We’re Anne’s parents.” “Anne?” Jerry said the name just as it dawned on him who Anne was. “Of course,” Jerry smiled broadly and extended his hand. He shook Jim’s hand and then tipped his hat to Sheila, shaking her hand when she extended it. “Won’t you—” Jerry was about to ask them inside for some lemonade and some of David’s cookies, but Jim seemed to be in a hurry. “My wife and I were thinking it might be a good idea to meet with you and Mrs. McKenzie to discuss what happened between Anne and your son.” Jerry looked from the husband to the wife, noticing for the first time that she seemed quite embarrassed to be standing in front of Jerry. She was wringing her hands together as if she was waiting for bad news or something. William, Jerry wanted to say, but he’d long ago developed the habit of hearing David’s voice telling him to be calm and collected. My
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son has a name and it’s William. “There is no Mrs. McKenzie, Jim. How about we go inside—” Jim turned and whispered to his wife. “I told you so.” Then, as if remembering that Jerry was standing right in front of him, Jim turned and asked, “Does she live close by? Sheila and I feel strongly about speaking to both—” Jerry crossed his arms over his chest, his muscles bulging and straining against the thin T-shirt he wore. “There never was a Mrs. McKenzie. William is the son of my late cousin, Pamela and her husband. They were killed in an auto accident and so William came to live with me, and I adopted him.” “I’m very sorry,” Sheila said, her voice as small as she was. “Anne mentioned something about William’s parents.” Jerry heard the emphasis on the plural and wondered if he even needed to guess what Jim’s reaction would be when he learned the truth. “William’s other parent is named David, and he’s visiting his sick mother in the hospital.” Jerry saw a slight smile tug at the corners of Sheila’s mouth. She knew that already, Jerry figured. Jerry watched the man turn to his wife, as if he was accusing her of something. “Get in the car, Sheila.” Sheila didn’t move right away. She looked up at Jerry and said, “I’m sorry. I hope she’ll be okay.” I’ll do the same for you, Jerry wanted to say. “Thank you,” was all he eventually said as he watched the two of them get back in the Lexus, Mr. Hill yanking down on the gear shift and then gunning the motor. The car reversed with such speed that Jerry was certain that Mr. Hill would not be able to stop in time and Jerry would have to replace the stone retaining wall on the other side of the veranda. It wasn’t until the car came to an abrupt stop that Jerry noticed David’s new SUV coming up the driveway. Mr. Hill’s car was now in gear, and he gunned the engine a second time, lurching forward and narrowly missing the SUV on his way down the driveway. Jerry schooled his desire to wave to them as they drove away, and walked over to the SUV.
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“Your mother okay?” Jerry held the door while David reached to the passenger’s seat and took hold of the green recyclable cloth bags he used for grocery shopping. Jerry pointed to the groceries and held out his hand. “Got my text message, I see.” “I did, indeed,” David said as he hung the two bags on his husband’s extended hand and hopped out of his vehicle. He looked in the direction of the burgundy Lexus and then fixed Jerry with a confused look. “Lost?” “In more ways than one,” Jerry joked and leaned in for a kiss. “Your mom?” Jerry asked again as he draped his free arm over David’s broad shoulders and walked him to the house. “She’s okay,” David said, smiling. “In fact, she thinks it would be a great idea if William gave her flowers and a card… and if he delivered them himself.” Jerry stopped walking for a moment, not sure he’d heard correctly. David nodded and Jerry started walking again. They climbed the few stairs to the veranda and entered the house. “He might need that distraction,” Jerry said as he walked behind David to the kitchen and put the bags on the kitchen table. “Those folks were Mr. and Mrs. Hill… Anne’s parents.” “Really? What did they say?” “Nothing important,” Jerry said, reaching into the bags to remove groceries and place them on the table, so that David could put them away. It was one of their routines, and they had it down to a science, Jerry choosing items that needed refrigeration first and then ending with those items that were to be put in the farthest cupboard. “Didn’t really get much past the fact that William’s other parent is a man.” “Goddamn faggots are gonna take over the world one of these days,” David spat, his low gravely drawl making Jerry laugh. David didn’t often take things too seriously, but Jerry lived for the moments when his husband would come out with some quip that seemed to put everything into perspective. “At least we didn’t make William gay. Did you tell him that?”
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“No chance, you smartass,” Jerry said, laughing and backing David up against the counter. “Something tells me we won’t be seeing them again,” Jerry sighed. “Which probably means that William won’t be seeing Anne either.” David’s happy face disappeared, and he started chewing on the inside of his cheek. Jerry leaned down to kiss his lips so he’d stop. “No way of knowing,” Jerry said, his hands roaming and his lips almost touching David’s. “We’ll figure it out, whatever happens.” “If he gets his heart broken, it will kill him, Jerry.” “No, it won’t,” Jerry said, cupping David’s ass and lifting him onto the counter so that they were almost eye to eye. “We’ll make sure of that.” David’s smile returned and Jerry started thinking about the blanket and the copse of trees. “Best dad in the world.” “And lover and husband and friend,” Jerry said, his hands finding their way under the T-shirt that David was wearing. He smiled when his husband shivered and pressed closer to him. “You’re so modest. It’s refreshing to see someone so down-toearth.” “Speaking of down to earth,” Jerry whispered, then moved his lips and tongue to David’s ear. “How about we go get that blanket?”
DAVID was just in the middle of preparing the platter of cheese and tomato slices and other fixings for the burgers when he heard the phone ring in Jerry’s office. Cursing himself for always forgetting about getting another handset for the kitchen, he grabbed the tea towel and ran to answer the call. “Hello,” David said, hoping he didn’t sound too rushed. “Mr. Loewenberger?” David didn’t recognize the quiet, hesitant voice on the other end of the line. “Yes?”
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“This is Mrs. Hill, Anne’s mother.” “Mrs. Hill?” He was quite surprised, given that she and her husband had sped off like bats out of hell almost running him into one of the corral fences. “What, uh, what can I do for you?” “Anne is missing, run away.” David could hear in her slight voice that she was on the verge of tears. He took a deep breath and tried to think of something that would calm her. “I’m sorry. But I haven’t seen her,” he said feeling stupid for saying it since he’d never met her, or even seen a picture of her. “Would you hold the line for one moment, and I’ll get William?” He cupped his hand over the receiver and yelled for his son. As he waited, David uncovered the mouthpiece, taking another breath. “Have you already called her other friends?” “Anne doesn’t have too many, and the only one that I’ve ever met who is still friendly with her is Julie. And she’s not home.” David heard the tension and worry in her voice and was about to ask her to hold the line again so he could yell for William a second time. But then he heard footsteps on the stairs and waited. “Okay,” David said, turning to fix William with a stare. “Mrs. Hill? William is here. I’ll just be gone a moment so I can speak to him.” He cupped his hand over the receiver again. “Anne has run away,” David said, looking intently for William’s reaction. “What? When?” William’s eyes widened, his face showing as much worry as he heard in Mrs. Hill’s voice. He didn’t need to ask if William was involved in any way. “Go and wait for me in the kitchen,” David said to William, well aware that he would probably be straining to hear the rest of the conversation. He put the receiver back to his mouth. “William does not seem to know anything about this, Mrs. Hill. Is there any place you can think of that she would go? Would you like us to come and help find her?”
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“Jim, uh, Mr. Hill is out looking for her right now.” David was sure he’d just heard sniffles. “I don’t think it would be a good idea for him to be anywhere near your family right now.” David opened his mouth, ready to agree that perhaps Mr. Hill needed some time to cool off, thinking it would be no help to anyone to have Jerry anywhere near Anne’s father either. When he heard Mrs. Hill speak again, he decided to keep his mouth shut and to allow her to vent a little. “Anne is quite taken with William, and I believe her. I trust her judgment, but her father is convinced that your son is only interested in using Anne.” “I’m so sorry that you’re caught in the middle of this,” David said, trying to keep his voice soothing, yet concerned. “Is there anything that I can do for you?” “Jim can be a little hot-tempered sometimes… but I guess you could tell by the way he almost hit your car today.” David heard a sigh. “I’m so sorry about that, Mr. Loewenberger.” “Please, call me David,” he said, wondering if she’d heard his offer of help. “Anne’s been so angry with us ever since she told us about…. She won’t eat with us, tells us that she hates us.” Mrs. Hill sounded close to tears again. “I’ve never seen her so defiant to her father. He’s grounded her for a month.” David stood there, saying again and again that he was sorry that this was happening. Mrs. Hill definitely needed someone to talk to, so David just listened, wondering what state William had worked himself into by now. “She’s told us both several times that she will run away if that’s what it takes to see William.” “Mrs. Hill—” “Sheila.” “Of course. Sheila, I promise you that if Anne shows up here, that I will bring her home immediately.” “Thank you, David.” Her voice was a little louder and David thought she sounded a little calmer. “He kept on punishing her and
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taking away privileges until there was nothing left. I tried to talk to him, rationally, but he just kept saying that no daughter of his would be a statistic.” David assumed that Mr. Hill was referring to his daughter becoming a teenage mother, although David wondered why Mr. Hill wasn’t concerned about all of the other complications from unprotected sex. Perhaps it was that David was a gay man, but his first thought would have been for communicable disease and not necessarily pregnancy. “He’s checked her e-mails and her laptop, and he’s convinced that she’s fallen in with the wrong crowd.” David bristled at the invasion of privacy and wondered if Mr. Hill ever spent time just talking to his daughter instead of invading her emails and personal property. But then again, when he was teaching, David had met plenty of parents who felt it was their right to claim all property under their roofs as their own. “I’m going to be with William while he makes some phone calls. Can you give me your number or would you prefer to call me back?” When she began to recite her number, David scrambled for a pen and wrote down the number on a scrap piece of paper lying on Jerry’s desk. He told her to try not to worry and that he would call her back within the hour. When David entered the kitchen, he found William sitting in a chair, his knee bouncing. Billie had come down to join him and had her head resting on his thigh. David pulled out his cell phone, knowing that William’s would most likely still be upstairs. He put the phone in front of his son. “Call your friends. See if any of them has heard anything at all.” David sat across from him. “Where could she be?” William’s hand moved to scratch behind Billie’s ears. “What if something happens to her? Do you think she’s trying to come and see me? What if some stranger—” “William,” David said sternly as he pointed to the phone. “Now, please.”
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William nodded and picked up the phone, punching buttons, his knee still bouncing and Billie looking up at David as if she was just as worried as William. David got up and finished arranging the platter for the barbecue, listening to William speaking with Julie. He suddenly remembered how annoyed he’d felt at the invasion of privacy that Mr. Hill had committed and, after quickly covering the platter with plastic wrap, scooped it up and headed out to sit with Jerry. His husband was waiting for the charcoal briquettes to heat up. Jerry didn’t like propane barbecues. David thought Jerry was joking the first time they’d done a barbecue and Jerry had explained that propane just didn’t give the same kind of flavor as charcoal. But he had not been joking. And the taste of the food when Jerry was done with it had David convinced his husband might just have a point. “Hey, handsome,” David said as he put the tray on the picnic table they usually used, although it was more like a very large patio table, and reached to spread out the tablecloth. “Hey yourself,” Jerry replied and walked over to help his husband set the table. “Promise not to be upset?” “Why?” “Promise,” David commanded. “Why?” Recognizing a losing battle, David sighed. “Mrs. Hill just called. Anne has run away. Mr. Hill is out looking, so you have to promise me that if he comes here looking for her that you’re not going to make this any worse.” “Me?” “I know, Jerry. I know, but I’ll bribe you if I have to. Just don’t take any of his bait, or do anything that will upset William. He was close to tears when he found out.” “Fine,” Jerry said with a slight pout. “But I’m telling you right now—”
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David pressed his lips to Jerry’s, silencing him. “Bribe. Anything you want,” David said, his hands drifting to push inside the back pockets of Jerry’s jeans. “Anything?” David nodded and removed his hands. “I’m going to go back inside and find out if William has any news or has heard from Anne.” “I’ll be right there,” Jerry said, returning to the barbecue. “I’ll get the meat at the same time.” David walked back into the house to the frantic sound of William telling someone that he wanted to be notified if they heard anything about Anne. He walked into the kitchen and found Billie lying beside her bowl. He stooped to scratch her ears, reassuring her that everything would be okay again, real soon. “So?” David asked when William disconnected the call and put the phone on the table. “Anything?” “No,” William sighed, sounding defeated and even more worried. “David, I’m scared.” David felt his chest tighten. He walked over and sat beside his son. “There’s nothing to be scared about,” he lied. “I’m sure she’s just run off to get away and think things through.” David picked up his phone. “I have to call Mrs. Hill back. Have you tried everyone you can think of?” William looked up at him and nodded, his eyes moist and frightened. “Sweetie, I’m so sorry that all this is happening to you and Anne, but—” “William!” They both turned at the sound of Jerry’s voice, his father voice, the one that told William he could very well be in trouble. Billie stood up as well, barking once, her usual reaction to the deep bass of Jerry’s voice. David followed William and Billie out to the veranda. As soon as William saw who was there, standing with a knapsack and a frightened look on her own face, he bounded off the veranda and had her in his
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arms within seconds, their lips touching lightly before they hugged each other. Billie yipped and barked, trying to get William’s attention. “I’m going to call Mrs. Hill,” David whispered to Jerry, who was looking at his son and smiling. “Jerry?” David called, a little louder. “They’re not going anywhere. Get in here and give them some privacy.”
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Chapter 9 DAVID hung up the phone, having reassured Mrs. Hill that he would be bringing Anne home as soon as she’d had something to eat. Mrs. Hill had agreed immediately, explaining that Mr. Hill was still out looking for Anne, and that—after her phone call giving him the good news—she would have some time to calm him down and explain how they had all decided to deal with the situation at hand. Jerry was leaning against the counter when David came back into the kitchen to fetch the soft drinks and platter of hamburgers and ribs. David recognized that look of his husband’s, head bowed and his arms crossed over his chest. “I know what that look means,” David said, sidling up to his husband and trying to wrap his arms around the broad shoulders, from the side. “It’s the same look you had when you caught Cory and Tara out on the veranda, smooching.” Jerry huffed a little laugh and pulled his husband in front of him, each of them with their arms wrapped around each other. “When I saw him out there, so in love and so relieved that Anne was okay,” Jerry started, shaking his head. “All I could see was that little ten-year-old boy in the big sweatshirt with the maple leaf on it, his eyes growing really big when I told him we’d go out riding on the horses.” David felt a little sting behind his eyes as he watched Jerry reminisce. It wasn’t a very common occurrence, Jerry living in the past, and it always made David a little misty when he learned what his husband was really thinking. He leaned up and kissed Jerry, a gentle, chaste kiss. “I’m proud of him too.” “So fucking proud of our son I can’t stand it sometimes,” Jerry said, closing his eyes.
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“You’re the most amazing man, Jerrod McKenzie.” David leaned up and kissed his cheek this time, fighting back his own tears. Jerry just shook his head and pulled David into a bear hug. David wasn’t sure how long they stood there like that, or how long they’d left William and Anne alone outside, until the door opened and Cory was calling for them. He walked into the kitchen and David pulled away from Jerry. “Hi, Cory. Hi, Tara.” “What’s going on?” Cory looked from David to Jerry. “William’s out there with some girl, standing by the corral fence with their arms around each other. I think she’s crying.” “That’s Anne,” David said, walking over to the counter and handing Cory and Tara each a platter. “She’s run away from home because her parents—I’ll explain it all later.” David turned back to Jerry and offered him a smile before turning back to Cory and Tara. “Take those outside and then come and wash up for dinner.” When Cory and Tara had taken the platters and left the kitchen, David walked back over to where Jerry was standing. “Do you want to come with me and William when we drop Anne off?” David saw the confused look on Jerry’s face. “I doubt he’ll let her out of his sight, and I’m not willing to let this go on any longer.” He looked Jerry up and down and then pointed in the general direction of the veranda. “And I can’t stand to see William like this either.” “Mr. Hill didn’t seem like the kind to listen to reason,” Jerry said dryly. “Well, that will be his problem to deal with,” he huffed and looked back at Jerry. “We’ve got two kids out there who made a mistake, both of them really good kids—or so I’m assuming since I don’t think William would fall for some girl who was anything but.” “What about me not causing any problems?” Jerry pushed himself off the counter. “If he says anything against our boy, I’ll….” “We have to be supportive of William, Jerry, of course, but this isn’t about our feelings being hurt. We have to find some way of letting those two see each other and gaining Mr. Hill’s trust. Right?”
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Jerry nodded his head, a little reluctantly David thought, and then grabbed his husband around the waist, the two of them walking out together. David saw William still standing by the fence, his arm around Anne and hers around him, Billie sitting quietly by William’s feet. Anne had her head resting on his shoulder, and David noticed, for the first time, that Anne, although beautiful, was not what anyone would consider a typical teenager. She was dressed in sensible clothes that were clean and pressed, no jewelry that David could see, and her hair was not ratted and bouffant like something out of a beach party movie from the sixties. Anne was just herself, and David realized why William had fallen in love with her. She was just like William—smart, self-confident, and compassionate. He smiled to himself, walking the meat platter over to Jerry who was also glancing at their son and his girlfriend. “She’s very pretty,” David said. “I don’t know why I thought she’d be one of those kids with piercings everywhere and purple hair.” He laughed nervously. “I knew she’d look exactly like that,” Jerry said, his hand waving in front of his face, smoke billowing out of the barbecue as he placed the marinated ribs and hamburgers on the clean grill. “Guess I just know him better than you,” Jerry teased and held up the tongs, like a weapon, when David slapped him. “I know how to use these!” David laughed, abandoning his husband and going to sit with Cory and Tara at the picnic table. He looked down at the platter of cheese and tomatoes and other fixings and scolded Cory for pilfering. David looked at Tara and rolled his eyes when Cory pointed to her, as if to say that Tara had somehow forced Cory to do it. He was whispering as he explained who the young girl was and why she was here. David got the sneaking suspicion that Cory already knew most— if not all—of the story, but he continued to recite the facts for Tara. David knew that, even if William had told his brother everything, Cory would never betray that trust by telling Tara, even if they were engaged. The story told and all questions asked and answered, Cory and Tara made their way into the house to wash up for dinner. David glanced over at William and Anne again. They were making their way
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over to the table, their arms still around each other, Billie walking beside William. If it weren’t so inappropriate, David would have loved to have taken a picture. “David, Dad,” William said as he stood at the end of the picnic table. “This is Anne Hill.” He turned back to Anne, arm still around her waist. “These are my parents, David and Jerry.” Both David and Jerry stepped forward, prepared to shake Anne’s hand, but she squeezed William tighter and almost broke into tears. “I’m sorry to have caused all this trouble,” she said, her pale green eyes darting between the ground and William’s flushed face. “Don’t worry about that right now, Anne,” Jerry said as he put a hand on his son’s shoulder. “David and William and I will be driving you home after you’ve had something to eat, and we’ll see if we can work this out with your parents.” “Your mom knows you’re here,” David said softly. “I spoke to her a few minutes ago, and she agreed to you staying for dinner before we drive you home.” “My dad is going to kill me,” Anne said, her face finally contorting. She pushed her face into William’s shoulder. David felt a lump in his throat as he watched William hug her close and tell her that everything would be alright, that he had the best dads in the world, and that they’d know how to fix everything. “I know it may seem like he will right now, Anne,” Jerry said as he made his way back to the grill. “But I’m sure everything will work out.” Jerry looked at William. “You might not have as much freedom as you had before, but it won’t be as bad as you’re thinking.” “William? Why don’t you take her inside so she can wash up for dinner?” David watched as William led her into the house. He turned to his husband. “What did you mean by that, precisely?” “That Anne might have to earn her parents’ trust again,” Jerry said, his expression puzzled. “You think I was talking about William?” “Yes, I did,” David said bluntly. “And I think William got that same message.”
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“We might have to consider it,” Jerry said as he shrugged. Jerry fixed him with a stare, and David knew he was right. There’d been so much going on that David hadn’t really had a lot of time to think of how William had been irresponsible and kept the truth from them. “Sorry,” David said, shaking his head. “I just remember what it was like at that age and—” “You almost get a girl pregnant?” At first David thought Jerry was reinforcing his point for having a frank discussion with William, but then he realized Jerry was teasing him. “No,” David said as he sauntered over to his husband. “No, I did not, but I’m talking about the feeling that you’re not in control of anything.” “He’s had plenty of freedom up ’til now,” Jerry corrected. “I don’t think it’ll kill him to have to regain our trust.” “Okay,” David said and started setting the table. “No argument?” Jerry turned around, reaching for the plate to put the meat on. “When do I ever argue with you? When you’re right, you’re right.” “Can I get that in writing?” David laughed and took the plate of fixings over, reminding Jerry that William and Cory liked cheese on their burgers.
WILLIAM’S nerves had calmed down some, not to mention the heat of embarrassment he’d felt in his cheeks ever since Anne arrived. He’d been so glad to see her that he was kissing her before he realized what he was doing. But he didn’t care about his dads and Cory and Tara seeing him with Anne. He was proud of her for standing up for herself, although it probably meant that they might never see each other again. It’s why he couldn’t seem to let go of her; if he didn’t have his arm around her waist, he was holding her hand. It comforted him to know that she couldn’t stand being away from him either. The only thing he
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wasn’t sure of now was how it would all end. Would his dads be able to talk some sense into Mr. Hill? Or would Anne be locked away because Mr. Hill didn’t trust her anymore? He knew that there was that possibility for himself too. The look that his dad had given him before David sent Anne in to wash up told him that much. William knew he had some serious work to do in order for his dads to fully trust him again, but he would do whatever it took to make sure that he could keep seeing Anne. Dinner seemed to be over way too soon. William kept taking deep breaths all the way through dessert, knowing that it wouldn’t be long now before he was face to face with Mr. and Mrs. Hill. His mind was racing through all of the things he would say, could say. Or maybe he shouldn’t say anything at all? Or maybe just if he was spoken to. He brought his hand up to his forehead and rubbed, trying to figure it all out. A hand landed on his shoulder, and he turned and looked up into the face of his father. “You ready?” William looked over at Anne, who seemed just as nervous and apprehensive at the question as he was. William nodded and raised himself from the table. While he’d been worrying over what to do, David and Cory had cleaned all the dishes off the table, but he couldn’t recall seeing them do it. It was a weird feeling, not remembering something that had happened right in front of him. He walked Anne over to David’s SUV and opened the door for her, getting into the back and sitting beside her. As soon as she was settled, William reached out for her hand. They weren’t really doing a lot of talking, and William figured it was because they were both so preoccupied with what was about to happen. Jerry got into the driver’s side and David, the passenger’s side. The car started and then they were on their way to drop Anne off at home. William looked out the window, finding it ironic that it was so beautiful outside while a tornado whirled inside of his stomach. He felt Anne squeeze his hand as the SUV turned onto the highway, and he squeezed hers in return.
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“Okay,” Jerry said from the front seat, startling William and Anne. “When we get there, Anne, you’ll do whatever your parents tell you to do. No arguing, no yelling. And William, you won’t speak unless you’re told to. Deal?” “Deal,” William and Anne said in unison. “We’re going to talk with your parents first,” Jerry continued. “Part of the problem, I think, is that your father doesn’t want you seeing a boy who has two fathers.” “Jerry,” David said in a hushed tone, but Jerry just put up his hand. “No sense lying to them, David,” Jerry explained. “We can’t fix this unless we’re all willing to deal with the issues on the table.” “What if he won’t accept you two?” William’s voice was strained, scared even. “Nothing we can do about that,” Jerry said. “Other than to try and show him that we’re good people and that Anne is very lucky to have someone as good and kind as you in her life.” William noticed Anne turn and smile at him. He felt his face flush, but it gave him some courage to know that his father was willing to go to bat for him. “Your father may want to talk about the pregnancy scare, and we’ll have to,” Jerry said, turning around momentarily before putting his eyes back to the road. “William, that means you’re going to have to accept some responsibility for your decisions that night.” “Yes, sir,” William said, wondering if he’d ever be able to make up for such a stupid mistake. “You too, Anne.” “I know,” she said, her voice nothing more than a whisper. William noticed David turn and offer an encouraging smile. He reminded himself to breathe over and over again, trying to convince himself that it would be better this way. He and Anne had some explaining to do and some promises to make, and would have to make sure they gained their parents’ trust again, but at least they’d be
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together again—maybe not as much as before, but it would get better, with time. He stared out the window beside Anne so he could steal the occasional glance at her, his hand still firmly in hers, and continued to psych himself up for their imminent arrival. The arrival came after the last set of lights turned green. It was dusk already, the light fading and the sky awash in shades of purple and orange and indigo. Jerry pulled up to the house that Anne indicated, and parked on the street. David was the first out of the car, opening William’s door next. He squeezed Anne’s hand one last time, and they both exited through his door, William careful to stay near the door in case she needed help getting out of the vehicle. “It’s okay,” David said reassuringly to Anne when Mr. Hill appeared on the front step, taking the few stairs in one shot and practically running for the vehicle. William wasn’t so sure it would be okay. “Get in the house. Now.” William reminded himself to take a breath and stand up straight. He was taller than Mr. Hill, but he didn’t really feel like it at that moment. With one last shared look, Anne walked away from the SUV and headed for the house. Jerry was now on the other side of William, his hand on one shoulder. William was concerned for a moment when Mr. Hill kept walking toward them at the same pace, but breathed a sigh of relief when David stepped forward, slightly in front of William and extended a hand. “Mr. Hill? Hello, my name is David Loewenberger. William is— ” “I know who you are,” Mr. Hill said, his eyes not leaving William’s. “Thank you for bringing my daughter home.” “You’re welcome, Mr. Hill, but I was hoping that we could discuss—” “There’s nothing to discuss. Anne will not be allowed to see that boy again.” Mr. Hill turned and was headed back to the house. “Why not?” David was following him.
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“You’re on my property,” Mr. Hill growled, turning around to glare at David. “I could yell all this from the street, if you’d prefer.” William noticed Mr. Hill dart his eyes around, looking at the neighborhood. “I’m not interested in changing your mind, Mr. Hill, or telling you how to raise your daughter.” “Good,” Mr. Hill said with something akin to a sneer. “Then we understand each other.” “No,” David said quickly. “I don’t think we do.” David turned around and looked at William and Jerry, neither of whom had moved since Mr. Hill had opened his mouth. William knew his father was staying out of the way because he had a temper, and William could feel the grip on his shoulder growing more and more painful, but he hadn’t moved because he didn’t think he could, even if he wanted to. “This was a bit of a surprise to both Jerry and me, as well, and while I don’t pretend to know what it’s like to have a daughter, I do know how concerned I am for their reckless behavior.” “Their behavior?” Mr. Hill laughed, but with no humor. “None of this would have happened if your son hadn’t talked my Annie into it.” “If William and Anne hadn’t slept together, would you allow her to date William?” “Absolutely not,” Mr. Hill said with no hesitation. “How about if William had a father and a mother?” Mr. Hill seemed surprised. “What?” “My husband told me that you left, abruptly, after finding out that William has two fathers.” “That’s not what this is about,” he said, turning suddenly as if he intended to end the discussion right then. “I wonder why it’s always like this,” he said and turned back. “Why is it when a straight man doesn’t agree with your kind, you automatically think he’s a bigot?” William watched David shove his hands in his pockets and take a few steps forward. “It’s probably due to the personal experience that my kind has with your kind, the kind of experiences that your kind
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dishes out under the guise of religious freedom or the hate-the-sin-butlove-the-sinner philosophy,” David said. “Look, Mr. Hill, you don’t want those two seeing each other anymore, that’s fine. It will be painful for William and Anne, not to mention confusing, but that’s fine.” David pulled his hands out of his pockets and folded them behind his back. William recognized this particular posture; he’d seen it many times when he was a student in David’s class. It usually meant that he was preparing to tell somebody why their thinking was flawed, as if he was one of those lawyers that William saw on television all the time. “Nothing is going to be solved here… for any of us, including Anne and your wife… if we’re not going to be honest with each other.” William looked over to the front door and saw a woman standing there, her arm around Anne. He assumed it was Mrs. Hill. David noticed too, and William could see his gaze shift to the door, but then he continued to speak at Mr. Hill. “I know you don’t like the fact that William has two fathers. I think that was firmly established when you were more than willing to discuss this with Jerry’s wife, but chose not to when you found out I am Jerry’s spouse. Unfortunately, for you, it doesn’t seem to bother Anne—or your wife, for that matter—one bit. So, it will be one more reason you provide that will seem… unacceptable… to the rest of your family. And unless you’re looking for years of chasing Anne every time you make a decision she feels is unjust, I’d like to respectfully suggest that you realize this is about her and not you.” William wondered if he’d ever get the nerve to do that, to speak to people like that without feeling as if his heart was going to beat out of his chest. He watched David turn and start back to the SUV, leaving a stunned Mr. Hill standing in the middle of the front yard. “Oh, and just so you’ll be completely informed,” David said, raising his voice a little and looking past Mr. Hill at Anne and her mother. “When a child of sixteen runs away from home, there isn’t much the police can do to bring her back. Jerry and I learned this six years ago when our other son ran away from his biological father. We can either work together to make sure that they’re well-supervised and to help them realize what they did was wrong, or you can continue to
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monitor her e-mails and take away her cell phone and her laptop and everything else… until she’s lying on the bare floor with a sleeping bag and a padlock on the door.” David took a few steps backward and finished his thought. “In the end, Mr. Hill, you’ll see that none of it was for her benefit… but only for your peace of mind. And if you don’t believe that, I’ll let you talk to my mother, a woman I didn’t speak to for twenty years because she felt she had the right to tell me how to live my life.” William felt the smile cross his face as David turned and winked at him, shooing him and his husband into the SUV. “Good night, Anne, Mrs. Hill,” David called, turning around as he reached the passengerside door. “And good night to you too, Mr. Hill.” William heard the car doors slam and then peered out the window. Mr. Hill was still standing where David had left him. William didn’t feel so worried anymore as he waved to Anne and kept looking at her while the vehicle drove away, headed back to the ranch, back home.
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Chapter 10 THE drive home was done mostly in silence, Jerry checking the rearview mirror from time to time. William seemed to be a little more relaxed, especially after David’s speech. Jerry wasn’t really sure why he was so surprised that David was able to put it all into perspective, although he wasn’t so sure if any of what his husband had said would make any difference to Mr. Hill. “My father had an expression he used when I was growing up.” Jerry turned to look at David and then glanced in the mirror to look at his son. “Whenever someone got their comeuppance, he would say, I guess you got your water turned off, hey Faucet-Face?” Jerry glanced behind him again when he heard William laugh. Not only had William gotten taller, but his voice was lowering, as well. His laugh wasn’t the same giggle that used to make Jerry feel like he was the centre of the universe. He shook his head, smiling bemusedly. “I wish I’d had a camera,” Jerry said, then glanced to look at David. “I just hope that Mr. Hill will at least think about Anne, instead of himself,” David said. It seemed to Jerry that David appreciated the compliment, but Jerry also knew David well enough to realize that he would find no particular joy in having lectured Mr. Hill in front of his daughter. “He had it coming, if you ask me,” Jerry replied, reaching across and taking David’s hand for moment. “I’m proud of you, both of you,” David said looking at Jerry and William, each in turn. “But we’re still going to need to talk about this,” he said to William. “I know,” William said forlornly. Jerry glanced in the mirror again and saw William put his head down.
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“Not because you’re in trouble, William,” Jerry added, still not being able to stand when William seemed to be punishing himself more than anyone else. “David and I just want to make sure that we can still trust you to look out for yourself.” “I know,” William repeated. “I was just….” “We know that feeling, William,” David soothed from the passenger seat. “Everyone meets that special someone that they just can’t get enough of. But… you need to take your time. You’re still so young, and even though you can, that doesn’t mean you should.” “I’m sorry,” William said as they passed the city limits. “I promise it won’t happen again.” “You and Anne are the only ones who can make sure it doesn’t,” Jerry said, glancing at his son one last time before steering the SUV into the right-hand lane and down the township road that would lead to the ranch. “Do you think he’ll ever let me see her again?” Jerry felt like wincing at the strange mixture of defeat and hope in his son’s voice. “Nothing we can do but wait now, chief.” “I hope you know we would never treat you like Anne is being treated by her father,” David said as they neared the winding driveway that led to their home. “It’s his choice how he wants to act, but personally, I find that type of behavior completely reprehensible.” Jerry noticed David turn to study him. He turned and raised an eyebrow, nodding to show his agreement. “But if you two do get to see each other outside of school, David and I will have to be in the house when she visits. Okay?” “I understand,” William said, still sounding as if he didn’t believe he would ever see her again. Jerry looked over at David, an idea forming in his head. He wanted to try to make William feel a little happier. “Would you like to tell us about her? I mean, David and I have already seen how very pretty she is.”
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“She’s so beautiful,” William started as Jerry parked the car. They all got out of the SUV, Jerry hit the fob to lock all the doors and came around to stand on William’s other side; putting his arm across William’s shoulder, Jerry let his hand come to rest on David’s upper arm. “She thinks she’s fat, but she’s not.” Jerry contained a snort of laughter at the look on William’s face, as if he was daring either of his fathers to disagree with him. “Anne is very lovely, William. I can see why she’s so special to you.” David looked up at Jerry and smiled. They made it to the door of the house and the three men pulled apart. “And she thinks you’re something special too.” Jerry returned David’s smile. “Yeah,” William sighed, seemingly off on some other planet. “She makes me feel really special.” William pulled on the screen door and stopped, turning to regard his two dads as Billie came bounding down the stairs at the sound of William’s voice. William looked from David to Jerry and said, “Like you two make me feel, but different, you know?” Billie was weaving herself in and out of the three pairs of legs, David laughing at her antics. “Sure do, chief,” Jerry wrapped his arm around his husband and squeezed, noticing William’s lopsided grin. “I know exactly what you mean.” David swept them all indoors and closed both doors, turning the deadbolts. “Okay,” he said, clapping his hands. “Who’s in the mood for a movie and popcorn?” David squatted on his heels and stroked Billie several times before letting her go. “Did you help guard the house? Yes, you did, you beautiful girl.”
DAVID turned off the television and put his hand on Jerry’s chest, caressing it lightly. “Jerry?” His husband had fallen asleep about an hour into the movie, which William had picked out, and David hadn’t the heart to wake him out of such a sound sleep. He would call the doctor’s office tomorrow and schedule the first available appointment,
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hoping that it would help both of them sleep better. But David had a feeling that until this thing with William was resolved, both he and Jerry wouldn’t be getting much more sleep than they’d been getting. “Jerry?” He caressed the muscular chest again, applying a little more pressure and whispering close to his husband’s ear. “The kids want to say good night to you.” “’Kay,” Jerry opened his eyes really wide, and David stifled the urge to ask him if that had ever succeeded in waking him up. “I spoke to William a few minutes ago and told him my mother wanted to meet him,” David said as he held out a hand and helped Jerry to stand up. He watched Jerry stretch, his T-shirt lifting to expose the furry belly. “He’s very excited about it.” “Might give him something else to think about for a few days, maybe,” Jerry said as his arms closed around David. “Why don’t you go up and say good night to the kids and then get in the shower? I’ll join you once I’ve locked up.” David stroked his hands up across the defined pecs and playfully pinched at his nipples. “Wow,” Jerry hunched his shoulders, as a reflex to David’s pinching. “Okay, I’m awake now!” David kissed him softly on the lips and pulled away, going to check on the doors and windows, the entire chore taking only about five minutes. When he made it up the stairs, he found all five members of his family, which now included Tara, sitting on William’s bed as Cory was showing his brother the drawings he’d done for their latest coordinated effort at a graphic novel. Billie was lying on her back in the middle of the bed, Jerry scratching her belly while, of course, oohing and awwing, telling their two boys what geniuses they were. Graphic novels weren’t David’s cup of tea, but even he had to admit that they looked very professional. Cory had even, after Tara convinced him, put a portfolio of his designs online to show prospective clients the vast range of his artwork. This had generated a lot of praise for not only Cory, but also William. David remembered visiting the site and wanting so badly to leave a comment like, That’s my boy! But he didn’t, much to Cory’s relief.
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“What’s this one about?” David stood by the foot of the bed and looked down at his family. “William sent me the story about a month ago, and I just finished the drawings,” Cory explained. “It’s about a dolphin named Billie who gets lost and then has to find his way back to his family.” “And during his travels, he meets all sorts of weird and fascinating creatures,” William added. “It made me cry when Billie almost got eaten by that big shark,” Tara said, her arm placed lazily over Cory’s shoulder. “How would you two feel if I showed this to a friend of mine?” Jerry looked between Cory and William. “You can show it to anyone you’d like,” William said. “I mean, I don’t mind and I don’t think Cory would either.” Jerry looked at Cory who just shrugged. “Cool,” Jerry said and closed the book, then pushed himself off the bed. “Okay,” he said as he came to stand beside David. “No staying up too late tonight.” David walked to the bed and gave each of them a quick kiss and said his good nights, then returned to his husband’s side, the two of them making their way down the hall to their bedroom. “So,” David whispered. “Would this friend happen to be in the publishing business?” “I’m glad they didn’t figure that out,” Jerry laughed. “Just in case it’s not as good as we think. I realize I might be a little biased here.” “A little?” It was David’s turn to laugh. He closed the door to their bedroom and turned to Jerry, who was already undressing. David moved to him and took over that task, neither of them saying anything. He removed Jerry’s shirt and took a moment to smooth his hands over the warm flesh of his husband’s belly and chest, his hands then snaking around to the muscled back. He pulled Jerry to him and inhaled deeply. “I love the way you smell.” He felt Jerry kiss the top of his head and pull him closer. Jerry pulled away and opened a drawer in his nightstand, pulling out the slim
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silicone dildo that had been his surprise that spring when Cory had entered their lives. “Meet you in the shower,” Jerry said, his eyebrows waggling and his grin irresistible. “It’s a date, cowboy,” David said and pulled away to remove his own clothing. He watched, his desire aroused, as Jerry removed the rest of his own clothing, reaching down quickly to tug on his stiffening prick. He spread his knees slightly and ran the dildo along his inner thigh, laughing when David stopped undressing, and just stared at his little show. David watched him stand up straight and head into the bathroom. David finished undressing very quickly, leaving his clothes on the floor, thinking of all the times Jerry had masturbated for him. It was such an incredibly arousing experience, seeing Jerry fondling and pumping his big, uncut dick while David wasn’t allowed to touch. Some of his most intense orgasms had been when he’d watch Jerry fuck himself with that dildo, the other hand squeezing his foreskin and pumping up and down on his own cock. He walked into the bathroom just as Jerry turned on the hot water and pulled open the frosted shower door. Climbing in behind, he took the dildo from Jerry’s hands and put it on the ledge, wrapping his arms around Jerry from behind. As he pushed Jerry under the spray of the hot water, he slid his hands up and down the rigid contours of his husband’s torso, kissing the strong back several times before his hands found the gorgeous dick and heavy balls. He stroked and massaged, pinched and caressed, Jerry’s cock coming to life under his touch. As his right hand pinched the foreskin and moved it back and forth over the mushroom head, his other hand reached down to smooth over his husband’s amazing ass, exploring and searching for the eager hole. “David,” Jerry gasped as he felt one finger slide inside of him. “Bend over,” David commanded in a husky voice he barely recognized as his own. David reached for the silicone-based lube and prepared the dildo as he pressed his cock against that magnificent butt. “Love it when you open for me like that,” David whispered against the muscled back. “So hot, Jerry. So sexy. Drives me fucking insane.”
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“Fuck,” Jerry hissed, pushing his ass against David’s erection. David put the head of the slim dildo at Jerry’s tight muscle and pushed it inside, slowly. David lowered himself to his knees and pushed his husband’s legs apart, reaching up to pinch the foreskin, just the way Jerry had taught him, while his mouth found the heavy balls and sucked and licked. He closed his eyes as the musk of Jerry hit his nostrils, the smell arousing him until he was almost painfully hard. David twirled the dildo as he pushed it in a little further, listening to Jerry’s rapid breathing and the dirty talk that got Jerry wanting even more. “Ready?” David asked. “Fuck me, mountain lion,” Jerry grunted and pushed himself back on the dildo, his balls pulling themselves out of David’s mouth. “Pinch the head, yeah, oh fuck.” Jerry’s hands were now braced on the wall in front of him, his knees bending even more as David pushed the dildo in, loving the sounds Jerry made when his prostate was tapped and massaged. “That’s it, baby, fuck yourself on it.” David continued to pinch the foreskin while he began to push the dildo in all the way, then pull it out so that the slightly flared head stretched the tight ring of muscle. “Don’t make me come yet,” Jerry hissed as he reached down to stroke his own ball sac. “Wanna come in your mouth, baby.” At those words, David reached down and began to pump his own cock. David stood and guided Jerry back a few inches, then scooted in front of him. “Yeah, fucking hot.” David watched as Jerry reached behind himself and pushed the dildo all the way in, his hips moving side to side as he fucked himself on it. David swallowed the fat cock in front of his face, his hands caressing whatever skin they could reach. David heard the sound of his own need as Jerry fucked his mouth and fucked himself with the dildo. Jerry’s grunts were almost incoherent as his hips thrust back and forth, his free hand finding David’s head and, bracing himself, increased his rhythm. David cupped his balls and massaged until he felt them pull up. Jerry moved his other hand to his husband’s head and David reached between the powerful thighs and took control of the
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dildo again. Jerry was reduced to a series of grunts and groans while David twirled and pushed on the dildo, pegging Jerry’s gland over and over again. With a final grunt, Jerry pulled David’s face so that his nose was resting against the soft curls of his husband’s pubic hair. He took a quick breath through his nose, inhaling more of the intoxicating scent, and then Jerry’s seed was exploding at the back of David’s throat. David petted and caressed Jerry as his thrusts grew less forceful. With a gasp, David came off of Jerry’s dick, his tongue darting out to lick and lave the sensitive head. He began pulling out the dildo, slowly, until the head came out of Jerry’s hole with a slight popping sound. David let it fall to the floor of the shower and helped Jerry come to his knees, in front of his husband. “Fucking hell, David, Jesus,” Jerry panted as David continued to stroke his spent cock and his sensitive balls. They sat there, arms and hands touching and exploring while Jerry came down, David kissing and sharing the taste of Jerry. The water started to become less hot and Jerry stood, pulling David with him, and washed them both, quickly. Turning the water off, Jerry grabbed a towel and dried both of them, leading David over to the vanity. He positioned David so that his ass hung off the counter and grabbed the dildo from the shower. David was still hard, his cock feeling as if it would explode at any minute. One good thrust of the dildo, and David knew he would be coming, and hard. Jerry stood between David’s legs and moaned when David reached out to take hold of his still sensitive cock. Looking into his husband’s eyes, Jerry slicked the dildo with the lube that had a permanent home on the counter and pressed it to David’s pulsing hole.
“YOU’RE making me hard again, baby,” Jerry whispered as he leaned over his husband’s flushed chest and pushed the slim dildo inside. He felt David’s hands on his neck as he moved his mouth to lick and nip at David’s earlobes, darting his tongue in and out and around the shell. He was getting hard again, listening to the sounds that David was making.
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Jerry loved the sound of David losing control, something that always happened when Jerry fucked his ass and tongue-fucked his ear. “Kiss me, please,” David pleaded, pulling Jerry’s face so that they could lock their lips together. That was usually the sign for Jerry that David wouldn’t last much longer. Jerry kissed him as he writhed on the countertop, his own cock coming back to life as David continued to stroke and fondle it. Jerry wasn’t close to coming a second time, but he could sense that his husband was almost there. He stopped kissing David and pushed down, gently, on the dildo, forcing it up and against his husband’s prostate. David hissed and gasped as Jerry tapped his gland and bent down to swallow his cock, his own erection freed from David’s grasp. Jerry flicked his tongue over the slit two or three times and then took David to the base, pulling up slowly before repeating the sequence of movements. He glanced up and saw David’s eyes roll back in his head, his hands moving over Jerry’s scalp, kneading and pushing. “Makes me fucking need you when I see you like this, see you let go.” Jerry took David in his mouth again, replacing the dildo with two fingers, flexing and straightening them as David braced his hands against the edge of the counter. David pulled against the counter, impaling himself on Jerry’s two fingers. Jerry let David’s cock fall out of his mouth, mesmerized by the sight of David fucking himself on Jerry’s fingers. By the time David was half-off the counter, Jerry put his free hand under the small of David’s back to support him and then lowered his head to nip and suck on his husband’s sensitive balls before returning to take David’s cock into his mouth for the last time. He was only able to flick his tongue across the slit two times before the tight muscles of his husband’s ass closed tight around his fingers. He crooked them one last time, pressing and making circles on David’s bundle of nerves and then felt the heat of his husband’s come hit the back of his throat. Jerry hummed as David gasped his name over and over, his body practically coming off the counter. When the contractions on his fingers
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subsided, he moved to stand between David’s spread legs, his two hands now supporting David’s ass and back. He bent at the waist so that his torso was rubbing lightly against his husband’s smooth chest and belly. Jerry knew how much David loved his hairy body, so he loved brushing his chest slowly over the smooth, heated skin. There was not one part of David that wasn’t unbelievably sensitive after he came. “Wrap your legs around me, baby, arms around my neck,” Jerry whispered against David’s lips, his tongue moving slowly against his husband’s lips when he felt the long legs wrap around his waist. Jerry lifted David slowly and stood there, his gorgeous, sexy husband in his arms. “Love you,” he whispered against a sensitive ear and felt David shiver. “Jesus, Jerry,” David said as Jerry made his way to the bed. “Gonna kill me one of these days.” “Just feels like it,” Jerry teased as he laid them both out on the bed, staying on top of David for a moment. The grips on his neck and waist loosened and Jerry stretched out beside his husband, his hands caressing the defined chest and flat belly. “Do you have any idea how amazing you are?” David laughed at the question and then reached to pull Jerry’s head down to his, their lips touching without any urgency. “Jerry,” David sighed as their lips parted. “Only because you tell me every day.”
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Chapter 11 DAVID had kept himself busy Sunday through Tuesday, taking William to visit his mother in the hospital, doing some cleaning around the house, and spending time with Cory and Tara. He’d also found some time to work on his doctoral thesis, although he’d found his mind wandering far too often to Jerry’s appointment with Dr. Wulfhaart and all of the possibilities that each prognosis could bring. He’d abandoned work on his thesis in favor of mucking stalls and cleaning tack, a favor for his husband. Jerry had not asked him to do his chores, but it kept David’s hands busy and his mind occupied. When he’d called the doctor’s office on Monday, David had been fortunate to get an early appointment for Wednesday morning, Dr. Wulfhaart promising to squeeze Jerry in for an ultrasound right away. It had been a relief for David to hear that Dr. Wulfhaart wasn’t terribly worried since—as he’d said—everything still worked. The observation had made David laugh, and that had helped him to get up early this morning to fix Jerry breakfast and to remind him not to flirt with any orderlies while he had his pants around his ankles. Jerry had only laughed and asked, What if they flirt with me first? Another laugh had escaped David’s lips, and then he’d sent his husband on his way, David promising a great lunch for him when he returned. He’d already finished most of the cleaning in the barn and was mucking out his last stall when he heard the crunch of gravel. He looked at his watch. It was just after eleven, too soon for Jerry to be back so quickly. Wondering if he’d not been able to get in to have an ultrasound, David walked out of the barn only to see Jerry’s truck pulling up to park beside the house. David turned suddenly, back to the
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barn, to drop his gloves on a bale of hay resting near the doors and then walked over to greet his husband. “Hey,” David said, certain his frown was evident. “Could you not get in to have an ultrasound?” “No, I got in,” Jerry said, nodding his head. “And just so you’ll know, the technician was Susan, about twenty-five, and she didn’t stop blushing the entire time.” “Oh, thank God,” David said, his entire body relaxing as Jerry kissed him and then leaned against the truck. “I thought we’d have to wait longer.” “Price of free healthcare, I guess,” Jerry observed. “What did the doctor say? Did he say anything? How long before he gets the results?” The questions came one after the other as David saw Jerry’s smile growing. “What? Why aren’t you answering me?” “I was waiting for you to run out of steam, baby. Relax,” Jerry cooed as he pulled David against him. “Dr. Wolfy is very optimistic.” David disliked that Jerry was so casual with the doctor’s name, but Jerry and Dr. Ernst Wulfhaart got along like a house on fire. Except for the fact that the good doctor was straight, he and Jerry could have been twins. They both loved animals, painting and sculpture, and even learned, during one of William’s many appointments, that they each shared a passion for travel. It was during this particular visit that Jerry had seen fit to christen the poor overworked physician Dr. Wolfy. And it didn’t seem to bother the doctor, so David kept his mouth shut. “Define optimistic,” David said, his hand slipping inside Jerry’s button-down to stroke the ample chest hair. “Not pessimistic?” David laughed and kissed Jerry’s cheeks. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop worrying.” “Thank you,” Jerry whispered as he pressed David’s hand to his chest. “Now, what were you doing in the barn as I pulled up just now?”
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“Been in there all morning, actually,” David explained, scratching lightly over Jerry’s chest. “Needed to keep my mind busy, and my hands.” “Poor baby,” Jerry cooed, running his hands up and down his husband’s back. “I can help you with keeping your hands busy.” “You’re shameless,” David scoffed, pulling on Jerry’s chest hair. “What? All that gel and big transducer got you all worked up?” “No,” Jerry whispered as he pulled David closer again. “That only happens when I see you.” “Jerry,” David sighed, tilting his head, falling into his husband’s blue eyes. He put his hands on Jerry’s bulging biceps and squeezed. “There are moments when I fall in love with you all over again.” “So?” Jerry said with a smile. “Want me to do you or not?” “And then there are moments when I think you’re just a pig!” David slapped at Jerry’s chest, laughing in spite of himself when Jerry’s deep rumble of a laugh joined his. Jerry grabbed his wrists and spun him around, David’s back to his chest. “I love you, David.” Jerry whispered it close to David’s ear. “Still love making you shiver too.” “I promised you lunch,” David said, turning to face his husband when Jerry loosened his grip. “And I haven’t even started yet.” “I’ll come and help,” Jerry said as they walked up onto the veranda. “Cory and Tara still here?” “Sure. Why?” “Promised them I’d take them out riding this morning and then had to postpone for the doctor’s appointment. We have enough time to go out riding before lunch?” “Sure,” David confirmed. “What would you like for lunch?” David pulled open the screen door and held up a finger when he turned around. “And don’t say you want me for lunch!” When Jerry came up behind him and pulled their bodies close, he pushed them toward the kitchen, both of them stopping when they found Tara at the sink, washing a glass.
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“Oh, sorry, Tara,” David blurted out, pulling away from Jerry. “We didn’t know anyone was downstairs.” “No problem,” Tara said with a smile. “Reminds me of my parents, actually.” David and Jerry both knew Tara’s history, thanks to Cory, but didn’t want to let on that they knew why Tara and Wayde had eventually come to live with their grandfather at the ranch just down the road. “If you tell me I remind you of your mother, I’m kicking you out,” David said, his tone teasing. “Actually,” Tara said, her smile growing. “You’re exact opposites, like my parents were.” David heard the past tense and wondered why since both of her parents were still living. Well, her mother was alive, but her dad was in what doctors insisted on calling a persistent vegetative state, although that was almost four years ago, so David assumed that Tara and Wayde’s father would now be classified as being in a permanent vegetative state. After some sort of viral infection, their father had developed acute disseminated encephalomyelitis and had fallen into a coma. And their poor mother had experienced what was most euphemistically called a psychotic break, spending days and weeks in her own little world until Tara had had to call her grandfather for help. Tragic, was the only word David could think of to describe what had happened to two of the nicest people he’d ever met. Tara had never really talked about her family much since it had all happened four years ago, so David figured her bringing it up meant she was looking for someone to maybe listen for a moment or two. And as far as David was concerned, he and Jerry would sit for an hour or seven if that’s what Tara needed. “Have you seen her since you’ve been back?” David moved a little closer when Tara’s smile faltered. He put an arm around her. “Cory said he’d take me tomorrow,” Tara said. “But Grandpa says there hasn’t really been any change.” “We’re still hoping and praying for her, sweetheart,” Jerry moved to sit on the table. Tara smiled and David pointed to the chair beside
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Jerry, who stood and moved to the opposite side of the table. “We’re here if you’d like to talk about anything. Your parents, the wedding… I know it must be a very bittersweet time for you.” “Thanks,” Tara said as she sat. “I’ll be fine. Cory’s been really great about everything,” Tara said with a smile. “And my grandpa said he’ll give me away at the wedding, so….” “Your grandfather is a very honorable man, Tara. One of the best neighbors I’ve ever had.” Jerry reached across and took her hand in his. “He says really good things about you too.” Tara leaned back in her chair. “It’s funny,” she said, her smile not showing any amusement. “I thought I was refusing Cory all those times because he was in school and I was in school, but….” Tara looked at each man in turn. “The last two times he asked me? He’d already graduated and was working… and I never thought about it until he asked me this last time, and I realized I’d been saying no because I didn’t want to get married without my parents.” “Oh, sweetie,” David said, his own eyes tearing up, even though Tara was as solid as a rock. “I’m sure they’re sharing it with you, somehow.” David felt foolish for making such a ridiculous statement, but he couldn’t stand how tragic the whole situation was. “Yeah, I guess,” Tara said, patting David’s hand. “But I finally realized that I can go out and start my life and hope everything will work out, or I can sit around, waiting for everything to go back to the way it was.” “Just as smart as your grandpa,” Jerry said, offering Tara a wink. “But a helluva lot prettier.” David shook his head when Tara giggled. He looked over at his husband. This man could charm his way into anyone’s heart. It was something that still amazed David; with just a wink or a couple of words, Jerry could disarm anybody, anywhere and anytime. Although, if Jerry didn’t like certain people, his instinct was toward calling them names and telling them exactly why they were fucked in the head. Waitresses, cab drivers, receptionists, even cranky public officials—David had seen Jerry work his magic on just about
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everybody. It was no wonder that David fell head over heels in love with the man. The women would just stare at Jerry, their mouths agape, and the men would act as if Jerry was a long-lost pal, as if they were old fishing buddies, just hanging around and catching up on the good ol’ days. Tara excused herself from the table and walked to the stairs. When David was sure she was out of earshot, he turned to his husband, shaking his head in disbelief. “How the hell do you do that?” Jerry just winked and pulled David’s hand between his. “It’s genetic, I think. How we McKenzies get the most attractive mates.” Jerry pulled his husband’s hand up to his mouth and kissed it slowly. “Jesus,” David sighed. “You’re good.” He laughed when Jerry’s only answer was another wink. “Maybe I can get the psychologist to explain to me how you do that,” David said as he got up and started assembling everything for lunch.
DAVID shook hands with the middle-aged woman who came out to greet him, wondering why she looked nothing like her picture on her website. David had been referred to her by Lenore, since David knew next to nothing about the mental health professionals in Calgary. He followed her to a very somber and relaxing office. She had the walls painted in shades of brown, and her furniture was that soft, butter kind of leather that is incredibly comfortable—but that you don’t want to sit on during a heat wave if you’re wearing shorts. “Now,” Dr. Berscheid said as she settled herself in her chair. “What I like to explain to all of my patients is that I’m not here to judge. I’m basically a tool.” David looked up when he heard the words and wondered why she would use them in that order. Dr. Berscheid winked and gave a little laugh, her cheeks filling out as she smiled. “Little therapy humor,” she explained, and David couldn’t help but laugh with her. “My goal here is to see if we can’t get you to figure out better questions to ask yourself when you’re feeling anxious or frustrated or angry, to see if we can get you to develop better strategies for dealing with whatever brought you here. Okay?”
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“Okay,” David said as he nodded, then put his hands on his lap and waited. He felt rather foolish sitting there and staring at her, suddenly realizing that he should probably say something. “Sorry,” he said, flushing. She offered another smile, and David noticed that her eyes disappeared when she smiled, her cheeks pushing up until her eyes were mere slits behind her sensible glasses. “I feel rather foolish here, since I’m taking my doctorate in psychology right now. I should have all the tools already, right?” “Do you think a surgeon would operate on himself, even if he had all the skills and tools?” David nodded. “Sorry,” he said, repeating himself and wondering why he suddenly felt so foolish. “I’m not used to talking about myself. I mean, I do, but….” David rubbed his forehead and looked down at his lap. “Why don’t we start with you telling me about yourself? Spouse, children, favorite sport, least favorite movie… okay?” David nodded again. “I’ve been married to an incredible man, Jerry, for seven years—this October—and we have one adopted son and one foster son. William, the adopted son, will be seventeen in January, and Cory just turned twenty-two last month. We live on a ranch—with horses—just outside of the city. I’ve been a schoolteacher for twenty-six years, but have recently made a switch to guidance counselor and already told you about the Ph.D. in psychology.” David stopped to take a breath, then found himself frowning from concentration. He tried to think of something else to say about himself. He suddenly realized that he didn’t really have much else to say. He shrugged and smiled. “I guess that’s about it.” “That sounds like an ideal life,” Dr. Berscheid said. “Yes,” David agreed, his smile returning. “It is.” “Is there anything about your life that you feel you need to discuss?” “I’ve just been feeling really anxious lately,” David admitted, his hands rubbing up and down on the heavy denim of his jeans. “About anything in particular?”
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“Jerry found… or I should say I found a lump in one of Jerry’s testicles the other day. And before that, I was feeling a little overwhelmed by the pressures of school and work. And then Cory is getting married, probably next spring or summer.” “Any concerns about the other son?” “We just found out he’s sexually active, although we’re sure it was just that they got carried away. There was a pregnancy scare because of it, and now he’s heartbroken because the girl’s father doesn’t want her dating a boy who has two fathers.” He took a breath and continued. “And my mother is in the hospital. She and I had not spoken for twenty years or so because she and the rest of my family disowned me when I was twenty-five… sorry,” David said, flushing again. “I’m getting ahead of myself. They disowned me twenty-two years ago because they discovered that I’m gay.” He looked over at the doctor who was sitting quietly and smiling. “My father reconnected a few years ago, and then my sisters followed suit, and now it seems that my mother has also had a change of heart.” “What do you like to do for fun? Something that’s just for you.” “I love cooking for my boys,” David said and then opened his mouth to continue, but then closed his mouth. He looked back at her. “What did you do before all of these events started happening? For fun, I mean.” “Opera and symphony tickets, occasional social event or brunch supporting a charity….” David looked up at the ceiling as he tried to think of the other activities that had kept him so busy before he’d met Jerry and William. “I’ve traveled extensively, mainly to Europe. I was also a member of the men’s chorus in town, used to go bowling occasionally with a friend and her family.” David tried not to laugh when he thought of bowling with Lenore and Harvey and the twins. Lenore was such a competitive person, but the worst loser on the planet. He brought a finger to his upper lip as he remembered the time she stuffed half of her husband’s fries in her mouth because he’d had the nerve to say her approach was a little off. She’d just about gagged on the fried potatoes, but she was quite convinced that she’d made her point.
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“Do you still do any of those activities?” “Who has the time?” David opened his eyes wide and chuckled to himself. “Do you miss those activities?” “Some of them, I miss, but more because of the people that I would get to chat with—” David suddenly stopped talking. Speaking of his life this way, he realized—all at once—that he’d become preoccupied with everyone else’s life—ensuring that William had as close to perfect adolescence as possible, that Jerry always had a husband he could depend on, that Cory and Tara were settled and happy in their new life in Ontario, and that his family felt included and loved after all those years of separation. He looked up at Dr. Berscheid and felt very foolish. “Funny how you don’t see what’s right in front of you sometimes, huh?” He saw her smile, and he found himself smiling in response. “There’s one problem solved,” he said, almost to himself. He looked down at his hands and then looked at Dr. Berscheid again. “How do most people deal with the empty nest syndrome?” “I would imagine most people ensure that they have their own interests, their own activities, independent of or maybe even with their partners.” She waited for a few moments, studying him and then asked, “What do you and Jerry do when it’s just the two of you? If you have an evening to yourselves?” David felt himself flush, knowing he wouldn’t be able to tell her that they had developed the habit long ago of sneaking a few minutes here or there for blow jobs or hand jobs or just an intense session of kissing and groping. William was still so young and impressionable, and David had refused to take the chance on their son being exposed to any inappropriate touching or yelling or language. So, if William wasn’t asleep, but was otherwise occupied, Jerry would grab David and pull him onto the veranda or into the hall closet or into their own bathroom and do whatever he could manage in three or five minutes. Finally, he shrugged and offered only, “We would probably sleep or… be intimate with each other.” “Anything else?”
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David thought for a moment, but could not really think of anything he and Jerry shared in common, besides the boys and sex. The sex was incredible, but David finally admitted to himself, with some sadness, that even though they loved each other, their relationship had been based on an intense physical attraction and their love for William, and then Cory as well. “Is it a bad sign for us if an intense physical relationship is the only common denominator?” “Is it the only one? It certainly doesn’t sound like it to me.” “No, maybe not,” David said, the feeling of sadness still with him. “But we don’t really share any other interests, other than working around the home and taking care of the horses.” “Is that something you two could talk about? Developing other interests together, I mean?” “Oh, I’m sure,” David said, and he truly believed that Jerry would be willing to try this. “He’s a really good husband. He’s always asking me what I need, and he’s taught me how to ask for what I want.” David suddenly had an idea. “I could ask him to write out a list of five activities he’s always wanted to try… I could do the same, and then we could try all ten to see what we enjoy together.” David looked over at Dr. Berscheid and smiled. She hadn’t said anything, allowing David to make his own connections in his own time. His smile grew as he realized that he’d had the answers all along, but he liked the idea of having someone else to talk to. David loved Jerry more than anything, but he found it difficult to talk to Jerry sometimes when the only response Jerry had was to tell him that everything would be fine. “Would I be wasting your time if I continued to make appointments?” Dr. Berscheid just laughed softly and asked David how he was enjoying working on his doctoral thesis.
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Chapter 12 JERRY pulled off his gloves and set them on the little wooden bench that he’d made in ninth grade wood shop. King was out in the corral, galloping and rolling around on the ground with Biscuit and Mountain Lion. Jerry had come into the barn this morning, as he did every day, to check on the three horses and let them out for their usual run around the pasture while he mucked their stalls and got their evening beds ready. As he stretched his back, he figured that King was back to his usual self since the stallion’s bed seemed to have a lot less straw in it this morning; he’d been putting in extra straw each night in King’s stall, just in case he had a relapse, and because Jerry never really knew now which night might be King’s last. He wanted to make sure his old friend was comfortable. He walked to the rear doors of the barn and watched the three horses running and playing, King nudging and nurturing like he’d always been. There had always been something inexplicably peaceful about this time of the day for Jerry. When he’d first purchased King, he’d thought of just leaving him at grass, but then he’d found himself thinking of King as a friend and not just an animal he rode from time to time. He’d not known much about horses, having spent most of his youth in Switzerland at the same boarding school that William had attended, but he’d always wanted one when he was growing up. So when the opportunity to move to this patch of land had come up, Jerry had not only been able to get himself out of the city, but he’d also been able to realize a dream. Owning and learning to care for the horses was a dream Jerry had always been aware of. There had been several dreams that had always lurked somewhere in his subconscious, just below the surface. Like his
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desire for a husband and children. Long before the days of legalized gay marriage and artificial insemination, Jerry had wondered sometimes how he would achieve those goals. His parents had already passed away, he didn’t have any siblings, and the only other living relative he was aware of had been Pamela. But she’d taken off to Europe the very day she’d come into her trust fund, and they’d lost touch—not that they’d ever been close before her move across the pond. Slowly but surely, after years of life and the toils and tribulations it brings had settled over him, Jerry had begun to see that he would probably never meet the man he’d always dreamed of, nor would he ever have children of his own—biological or adopted. It just didn’t seem to be in the cards for him. He’d dated, fucked himself silly on every man who turned his head, and even had his fair share of longterm romances, but there had always been a reason not to allow himself to be tied down to any of those men. And as the years passed and the vivid dreams of his youth grew more and more muted, he’d convinced himself that his destiny was to answer to his muse, to stay on his land and paint and sculpt, to create works of art and watch them be taken by people who would never know that he’d put as much love as he could into each brush stroke and each coat of glaze. And he thought he’d been happy. But he wasn’t, really. It took William and David to make him see that he’d just given up, that he’d stopped trying, stopped believing even. Which was why he wanted to do everything he could to make sure that David got anything and everything he wanted. Jerry was ambling among the three horses in the corral, thinking about the crazy idea David had had when he’d arrived home from his first appointment with the psychologist. Jerry checked over Biscuit’s feet and coat as he remembered the conversation they’d had after dinner. “You want us to do what?” “You write out five activities or things you’ve always wanted to do on that sheet of paper, and I’ll do the same on this sheet, and then
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we’ll combine them and then go out and do each one. You know, to find things to do together, separate from the kids.” “Like what? You mean… sex… things?” “Why? Are you bored with the sex we have?” “God, no! I just don’t understand what this is about.” “I would like to go out and do things with you without the boys. I’d like us to have some things or hobbies that we can do together.” “You mean like hiking or fishing or—” “Exactly.” Jerry had set to work, putting his pencil to the very white, blank paper and then realizing that he had no idea what kinds of activities interested him. He’d never really wanted to do anything besides his artwork and caring for his horses and ranch. The last thing he’d ever done off the ranch was to impress a little blond dancer he’d met at a club one night in downtown Calgary. He couldn’t remember the little blond’s name, but he did remember agreeing to bungee jumping if it would get him inside the tight jeans. So, he’d jumped from a tiny square platform that seemed like it was higher than most skyscrapers, just to get laid. The little blond had been more than willing to give Jerry another kind of ride later on, but that was the night that Jerry realized he’d outgrown the need for impressing the little blond things that always wanted to call him Daddy. As he continued to stare at the empty sheet of paper before him, he realized that he’d already found everything he’d ever wanted: a beautiful husband, two strong and handsome sons and his own little piece of paradise where each of them could find peace and contentment. But Jerry also realized that maybe, for David, there was something missing. Maybe that’s what this was about. Or maybe nothing was missing, yet. There was never any doubt in Jerry’s mind that David was the heart that kept their ragtag little family feeling more love than any of them had ever felt before. And there was no doubt in Jerry’s mind that he and the boys could have searched the rest of their lives for the kind of love and loyalty that David offered so freely and so often. Perhaps
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they would have found something comparable, but as Jerry finally put down his pencil in defeat, he had no problem that he and the boys had found what they’d needed, when they’d needed it the most. Jerry felt like an idiot for taking so long to figure out what this activity planning was all about. “You know you don’t ever have to worry about being alone again, right?” The question had come out of Jerry’s mouth before he’d even thought of the proper way to reassure his husband. He reached out a hand and placed it on top of David’s. “I’m sorry for not realizing this sooner. What you’ve been going through, I mean.” Jerry had wanted to laugh at David’s confused expression, but didn’t. There weren’t too many people that were smarter than David, which was why Jerry always got a kick out of those rare moments when David seemed genuinely confused. “You don’t need to worry about losing any of us,” Jerry said as he saw the recognition come swiftly to his husband’s eyes. “You’re stuck with us for the rest of your life.” Jerry watched as David looked down at his own list for a moment. “I won’t promise that it will always be like it is now, but there’s no force in Heaven or on earth that would make any of us choose to be away from you.” David had raised his free hand, swiping at his eyes, still saying nothing. Jerry brought up their joined hands, placing several small kisses to the back of his husband’s hand. “I won’t lie to you and tell you that I’m not looking forward to having you all to myself, but….” Jerry watched intently as David continued to brush his free hand against his cheek. “They may not come around as often, or call as often as you’d like, but I can guarantee you one thing: the last few years for both of them have been the happiest and most memorable in a very long time. And that’s because of you.” Jerry had smiled as David looked up, the beautiful brown eyes filled with appreciation and love. “And besides, just think about how full this nest is going to be with grandchildren one day.”
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David had laughed then and leaned over, Jerry only too happy to oblige his husband with a kiss. “I thought I was doing such a good job at hiding it,” David had said with an ironic laugh. “I know things have been a little crazy around here lately, baby, and I know the lump scared the shit out of you, but... I need you to know that I’ll do whatever I have to do, even if it means just one minute more with you. And I think you know the boys feel the same way.” David had looked down again, and Jerry had taken the opportunity to pull David onto his lap, his hands and lips reassuring and comforting. After a few moments, David had pulled back and offered one last kiss before raising himself and examining the sheet of blank paper in front of Jerry. Jerry could only shrug. “I can’t think of anything.” “There’s nothing you’ve ever wanted to do that you haven’t done yet?” “Well, sure, but those can all be done in the bedroom.” “Be serious! You can’t think of even one thing you’ve always wanted to try?” “How about we just do the things on your list?” “No, you’ll just have to keep thinking.” David had walked over to the counter to make them some tea, and Jerry had tried to sneak a peek at his husband’s list, but after filling the kettle, David had returned to the table and snatched the list out of Jerry’s hand. Jerry had finally managed to think of five things he’d always wanted to try, but then had to cross out the last two when David reminded him that none of the activities should be sexual in nature. After several attempts to finish his list, Jerry had finally thrown in the towel, leaving the two of them with a list of only eight different activities to try. Jerry had actually warmed to the idea until he saw the third and fourth activities on David’s list. As for Jerry’s list of three activities, David had only had an issue with the third and final
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activity—David had sighed when he learned that Jerry wanted to go sky-diving. “Yoga? Bowling? David, seriously?” “Those will be fun. We can go bowling with Lenore and her twins one Wednesday night.” “Lenore goes bowling?” “We only have to do them once. Who knows? Maybe you’ll actually have fun.” “Yoga? I can barely bend over to touch my toes. How the hell am I supposed to bend myself into the shape of a pretzel?” “See? This is why we need to try these things. Yoga isn’t about contorting your body, it’s about achieving a balance between mind and body.” “I get that every night when you’re curled up next to me.” “Sorry, cowboy, you’re not sweet-talking your way out of this. And besides, if I have to go sky-diving, you’re going to do yoga.” Jerry had done his best to sweet-talk and kiss his way out of yoga, but it was no use. David had made it clear—Jerry was going and there was no more discussing the issue. But Jerry managed to get the last word. After the lists were exchanged, Jerry had come up with one more activity for them to try. Each of them would think of one activity that the two of them would do together, provide details of what was needed in terms of clothing or any other preparation, and then pick a date for the activity. Jerry still didn’t know what David had chosen for him, but Jerry would be taking his husband to the symphony. He’d gotten the idea after speaking to Niels, David’s father, not too long ago. David had apparently always been a season ticket holder to the symphony and the opera, but had not been since meeting Jerry and William. And it was going to be great, Jerry decided. He would go out and get a new suit, hire a car to drive them into the city, maybe even trim his beard and get a facial or something so he looked his very best. Jerry couldn’t wait. He was just waiting on Niels for the details and the tickets.
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Jerry had planned the tickets to the symphony before David presented him this activities idea. But then Jerry saw his opportunity to go all out. David didn’t necessarily like to be fussed over, but Jerry ignored him once or twice a year and made sure he was spoiled and pampered. The man had given up so much to be with Jerry, and never complained. The least Jerry could do was to make sure David knew how much Jerry loved him. Jerry may not be as good with words as David, but he’d always managed to find other ways to show his husband how much he was loved and appreciated. Jerry checked his watch, gave a few more minutes of attention to his horses, and then headed back to the house. He had time to eat lunch with his family, maybe take an afternoon nap, and then at three this afternoon, he would be embarrassing himself in front of complete strangers while he tried to twist his ancient body into positions with names like upward dog and half lord of the fishes.
DAVID was trying really hard not to laugh at Jerry looking over every few seconds, trying his best to match the poses that David was able to manage with little difficulty. Jerry had not complained once, but had muttered more than once that he hoped David wasn’t too fond of continuing this particular activity. David heard the air whoosh out of Jerry’s lungs as he tried to swing his leg through his arms to assume the lunge pose, only to stub his toes on the mat and collapse onto his stomach. “What did I ever do to you?” Jerry muttered as he rolled onto his back. “Just wait until we go sky-diving. I’m gonna tell the guy who does the tandem jump with you to wait until he’s about a hundred feet from the ground before he opens the chute.” “Nice,” David grunted as he released the lunge and moved back to downward dog. He looked over at Jerry. “You realize, of course, I’m not going to go now.” David heard the instructions to go into one last lunge and swung his leg through, trying to balance himself while
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raising his arms in the air. “You know the position you’re in right now is called corpse pose.” “I’m good at that one,” Jerry said as he raised himself on one elbow and reached over to push against David’s hip, laughing when David lost his balance and toppled over, almost hitting the man on his other side. “That one’s called road kill pose.” David apologized to the man he’d almost bowled over, and returned to his mat, looking at the instructor and waving away her frown. “Stop it or you’re going to get us kicked out of here,” David whispered. “That would be a shame,” Jerry said and returned to lying on his back. “I’m sorry, baby, but I’m no good at this.” “It takes work, Jerry, just like everything else in life.” “Says the man whose name should be Gumby.” Jerry heard the instructor say something about the next pose being called happy baby, and rolled onto his stomach only to find out he needed to be on his back again. He rolled over and looked at David, who was assuming a very familiar position, only he was doing it out in public. Jerry quickly looked around and saw that David wasn’t just teasing him. He pulled his knees up to his chest and glanced over at David, noticing that the knees were now supposed to slide into the armpits and then the hands were to grab the feet. “Like a happy baby,” Jerry whispered to David. “Although I would have called this one happy Jerry pose because when I see you in this pose—” “I’ll pay you a thousand dollars not to finish that sentence right now,” David said, barely containing his laughter. Jerry abandoned his attempt at grabbing his own feet and rolled over on his side, his head propped on his hand while he studied his husband. “No wonder you’re so good at yoga,” Jerry whispered. “You already know all these positions.” “Jerry!” David was laughing now and had to release his pose. He relaxed all of his muscles and lay there, looking over at Jerry. “I’m sorry you’re not enjoying this, baby.”
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“I’m enjoying it if you are, David.” Jerry blew him a kiss and rolled onto his back. “Okay, I’ll be good. I promise.” “We only have another five or ten minutes. We can leave now if you’d prefer.” “No,” Jerry said as he tried happy baby one more time. “I can handle it.” He reached a position and looked over at David again, who was already on to the next move. “Okay,” he huffed. “How’s this?” David nodded enthusiastically. “But if we ever do this again, I’ll have to be on the other side of the room ’cause watching you… I’m doing upward and downward dog at the same time, if you know what I mean.” David began to laugh and fell out of his plank position. “You are a dog,” he said as they both heard the instructor announce the cool down portion of the class. “A hound dog!” Jerry rolled onto his stomach and panted for David, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. “When you told me we were coming to yoga, I did a little research online,” Jerry grunted as he sat with his legs straight and tried to reach his toes. “I read that this is supposed to make your sex life phenomenal.” He looked over at David. “Show off,” he said when he saw that David’s chest was on his own knees and that he had his fingers interlaced across the soles of his feet. Before he could laugh, David sat up straight. “Are you saying our sex life isn’t phenomenal?” David tried his best to keep from smiling, but he just couldn’t put Jerry through any more torture. “No, I… you’re a real bastard, you know that?” Jerry pushed himself up off the mat and rolled it up. “I thought you were really mad at me there for a minute.” “Jerry, baby,” David cooed as he came over and snapped the elastic of Jerry’s only pair of sweatpants—the ones he wore for everything and that had a nice random pattern of holes, paint spatter and grease stains. “Have I ever been mad at you?” “Actually,” Jerry began, holding up his finger as if to contradict his husband. “No,” he said finally with a little frown.
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“You’ve been such a good sport about my midlife crisis, that I’m going to take you out for a special treat. Right now.” David put his mat in the big wooden closet-type holder at the back of the room and then shoved his feet into his Birkenstocks and waited for Jerry to put his socks and shoes back on. “You have really sexy feet, Jerrod McKenzie.” Jerry looked up with something akin to horror. “You say that about all my body parts. You’re just in love with me, that’s why you think I have a sexy everything.” “Well, you got me there,” David said, leaning in for a kiss. David noticed Jerry flush a little, but placed a quick kiss on his lips. “Don’t worry, Lenore told me that most of the guys who come here are gay.” “I wasn’t worried,” Jerry said, waving the concern away with a quick flick of his wrist. “Liar,” David said, laughing. He walked with him out to Jerry’s truck and stopped at the driver’s side. “Seriously, Jerry. Thank you for putting up with this. I could tell you didn’t enjoy that.” “You know what?” Jerry said. “Fuck everybody if they want to stare,” he said as he wrapped his arms around David and kissed him rather passionately. “It wasn’t fun being a human origami, but I enjoyed watching you releasing some stress.” “And you enjoyed teasing me and pushing me over and—” “I will not lie to you,” Jerry said, grinning. “I did enjoy that a great deal.” “Good.” David stole one more kiss and then walked around to the passenger side of the pickup. “Now, where do you want to go for ice cream?” “Ice cream?” Jerry got into the driver’s seat and started the truck. “I thought you said I was getting a special treat?” “You are,” David said seriously, wondering if Jerry was truly upset about going out for ice cream. “I thought we could go for a real date and get some ice cream.”
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“We have ice cream all the time,” Jerry protested, but with a smile on his face. “What if I want something other than ice cream?” “You get that all the time too,” David laughed, shaking his head. “I wasn’t talking about that either,” Jerry said as he pulled the truck into reverse and backed out of the parking lot. “Just wait ’til we get home, I’ll show you what I was talking about.” Twenty minutes later, Jerry and David were sitting in the bathtub, David reclining so that his back was resting on Jerry’s chest. Jerry had a washcloth and was dragging it gently across David’s chest and belly. David was about to fall asleep if he didn’t do something. He got up and turned himself around, pulling Jerry toward the center of the tub and placing his legs over Jerry’s longer ones, their cocks touching as David grabbed the washcloth from Jerry and returned the favor, caressing his back and chest and abs with the warm, soapy water. “I must admit,” David said softly. “Your idea of a treat is much better than mine.” Jerry just smiled and leaned in for a kiss, not saying anything. He pulled David to him as the younger man washed his back. “I feel so decadent,” David said, his lips brushing softly against Jerry’s clean shoulder. “It’s not even five yet, and I haven’t done anything about dinner.” “That’s why I told William to go and pick up something from the grocery store. A couple of chickens and some potato salad and some stuff to make a salad, maybe some fresh buns. I left it up to him.” David pulled back and looked at him, flabbergasted. “I know you’re going to see your mother again later on, and I wanted to get you as relaxed as possible.” Jerry stroked up and down David’s back causing a shiver. Jerry smiled when David leaned into him. “Is William going this time?” “He said he’d like to go back, but I don’t think he gave me a definite answer.” “Would you like some company, then?”
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“What?” David wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. “You want to meet my mother?” “Of course.” Jerry seemed to have a look of surprise on his face. David had always assumed that his mother would have to come here, as Niels had had to do. Jerry had already made it clear that he would not tolerate any stupidity from any member of David’s family. If they didn’t behave, and they were in his house, Jerry could quite easily kick them to the curb. “Okay,” David said, his smile growing as the idea seemed to gather more and more merit. “Sure. We’ll stay just long enough for you two to meet each other and to have some chitchat and then we’ll leave.” David was already choreographing the entire visit, right down to the most opportune time to leave, which was usually when his mother started asking questions about family names and backgrounds. “But if she’s in a pissy mood, I’ll warn you right now, your charms will not work on her.” “Is that a challenge?” Jerry pulled David closer to his body again, reaching down to grab both of their cocks in his hand. “No!” David almost felt as if he were yelling. “If she’s pissy, we’ll get out of there as quickly as possible. She’s impossible when she’s civil. When she’s being difficult, she makes an aging, selfobsessed actress seem like a playful little kitty.” “I’ll keep that in mind,” Jerry said, his hand pumping over both of their cocks. “Right now, I’ve got something else in mind.” He leaned forward as David opened his mouth, prepared to remind Jerry that he had not mentioned this as part of his idea of a special treat, and locked their lips together. David closed his eyes, quite convinced that he’d never felt so relaxed in his life.
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Chapter 13 WILLIAM was trying to keep himself busy, looking after his horse, washing and cleaning his car, and getting ready for his final year of high school. One of the advantages of having David as a father was that, during their stay in Italy, William was able to get a lot of work done and take advanced placement courses in most of his subjects. He would graduate a full year early. It had seemed like a great idea at the time, but then he’d met Anne, and he realized that even though the two of them were the same age, he would graduate a year ahead of Anne. Cory had told William that it didn’t mean their relationship had to end; it would just make it more difficult, but not impossible. But William had already devised a plan. He would work with the veterinarian for a year and gain some real-life experience, which could only make him do better when he was ready to head to Ontario with Anne and go to veterinarian school. But since their indiscretion, William wasn’t sure that any of that would happen now. He was clinging to the encouraging words that Jerry and David had given him after taking Anne back to her parents, but his optimism faded a little every day he didn’t hear anything. He’d already asked his dads a couple of times if they’d spoken to either of Anne’s parents, but they hadn’t. And so, William kept himself busy with chores and tasks around the house to keep himself from losing hope completely. He was in the midst of grooming Mountain Lion when Cory whistled from the house, which was Cory’s way of looking for him. Billie’s ears perked up at the whistle, and she dropped the brush in her mouth. William smiled at Billie and scratched behind her ears, laughing
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when she licked at his wrist and forearm. “Let’s go see what Cory wants, hey?” William walked out and stood at the entrance of the barn, waving to Cory, who was making his way over. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw the grin on his brother’s face. Cory got that look whenever he had a surprise for William. Like the time, when William was in ninth grade and was starting to realize that he liked girls instead of boys—William had been crushed to think that he wouldn’t be just like his dads—and Cory had sat him down on his bed and presented him with a spiral-bound notebook. So You’re Not Gay! was the title. Cory had written a list of one-hundred-and-one reasons to see being heterosexual as a positive thing, and included some fictitious testimonials of “recovering” heterosexuals, men who had tried to deny it and ended up embracing it and learning to love themselves. “Hey, bro!” Cory came up and put his arm around William. There was a good five inches difference in their heights still, which made William sure that he would always feel like that little eleven-year-old boy who’d developed a serious case of hero-worship for Cory. “Know that look, bro,” William said, elbowing his brother in the ribs. “Spill.” “Tara wants to go see that new Harry Potter film tonight, and we were wondering if you wanted to come with,” Cory said as he patted William’s belly. “My treat.” “Nah,” William said, shaking his head. “I don’t feel like going out.” “And you never will if you keep moping around here all the time.” “Thanks, but no,” William said and headed back to Mountain Lion’s stall, Billie walking ahead of him. “Billiam,” Cory said, and William recognized the tone. He got back into the stall with Mountain Lion and picked up the rubber curry, brushing in circular motions to dislodge all the dirt he could. Cory came up and stood just outside of the stall, squatting down to give Billie some of his attention. “I know what it feels like to think that
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you’ll never see her again, and I know that nothing I say can make it better, but I do know that worrying about it will consume you if you let it.” “I know,” William said as his brushing slowed, his mind thinking about Anne and whether or not he’d ever see her again. “I miss her, Cory.” Cory stood and entered the stall and hugged William. “I know you do, buddy. And I know she misses you, but you can’t stop living just because you’re apart right now.” Cory pulled away, but kept his hands on William’s shoulders. “I mean, at the very worst, you’ll have to wait until you’re eighteen and she’s eighteen.” William looked down and he felt Cory’s hand under his chin, lifting his head back up. “But I think you know it won’t come to that, right?” “I don’t know anything, Cory.” William leaned against the slats of the stall, shaking his head. “All I know is that nothing’s the same without her.” “Okay,” Cory said, shrugging his shoulders. “Well, I guess that’s one way to go. Just stay here on the ranch and feel sorry for yourself.” “What else can I do?” William didn’t understand this sudden shift in Cory’s words. “William,” Cory said, and William knew something was up. Cory only ever called him William when he was pissed, or losing his patience. “You know I’ve never felt sorry for myself. Even with all the shit that my dad was putting me through and when all the kids were teasing me and bullying me because my dad was a drug dealer, I never quit. I never quit because I knew things would get better. And when they didn’t get better on Monday, I waited until Tuesday. And when Tuesday was worse than Monday, I would tell myself that things would turn around on Wednesday. And my father beat the crap out of me on Wednesday, I kept telling myself to wait one more day, just one more day.” Cory walked back to his brother and embraced him. “And if I’d given up on Friday, like I’d wanted, I never would have been playing my guitar in front of that bank. I never would have heard you calling my name. And I never would have been taken in by David and Jerry,
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the best parents on the planet. And I would never have had a brother like you, the best brother in the whole universe.” William felt the tears forming in his eyes. He remembered that weekend of Jerry’s art show, when David and William had found Cory busking on the street in Edmonton, and how he’d never known what Cory was going through at the time. It wasn’t until years later that he’d learned the truth about Cory. And learning the truth had only made him love Cory even more. Not in all the time that Cory had been helping William with soccer or their little graphic novels had Cory ever lost his temper or yelled at William or made him feel anything but special. “I’m sorry, Cory,” William said through his tears. “It just hurts.” “I know, Billiam,” Cory said, pulling William to him again. “But if you don’t see or hear from Anne today, then think about tomorrow, or the next day, or the next.” Cory tilted his brother’s chin up again and smiled. “Take my word for it. If you keep waiting and keep hoping, your day will come, and it will be even better than anything you ever imagined.” William pulled himself to Cory again. William wasn’t sure if he was crying because of how Cory felt about him and their family or if he was crying because he couldn’t stop thinking about Anne and how lonely and scared she must be. He wanted to be there to protect her, to make her laugh, just to see her smile, but he couldn’t. He pushed himself away from Cory and dried his eyes with the sleeves of his T-shirt. “I’m sorry,” he said, hiccupping. “I guess I should go with you, then, huh?” “Only if you want to,” Cory said nonchalantly and shrugged. “Asshole,” William said, laughing a little, and swatting at his brother’s arm.
LENORE sat on the bench opposite Jerry, lacing up her bowling shoes. “Where’s William tonight? I thought he was coming.”
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“We gave him permission to go out to the movies,” Jerry said, glancing up at David and seeing the knowing look in his husband’s eye. “Cory and Tara planned some little surprise for him.” “Isn’t that nice?” Jerry noticed that Lenore had directed the question to her twins, who were arguing over who would be using the only fluorescent green ball. She raised her voice. “Isn’t that nice that one brother helped the other?” Jerry saw the twins stop fighting, look over at her, and then resume fighting as if she’d presented no more of an interruption than a mosquito or a fly. Jerry watched David saunter over to the twins— they’d known David since they’d been born—and pull a coin out of his pocket. “Honestly,” David said, sounding like a schoolteacher. “Sasha, you call it in the air. Alexei, you even think about touching the coin, and I’ll come over and shave your head when you’re sleeping tonight.” David tossed the coin in the air, Sasha called heads, David caught the coin and slapped it onto the back on his hand. He pushed his hands in between the twins and revealed it. “You suck,” Sasha said to his brother, and Jerry guessed that Alexei would be using the ball that evening. “Wanna use mine?” Jerry held his ball out to Sasha, knowing that Sasha wouldn’t want to use it. Jerry had taken a purple ball on a dare from Lenore. How secure are you in your masculinity? She’d asked him, to which his second reply had been to choose the purple ball; his first response was to offer to switch shirts with her. But David had overheard and chastised them both for acting like infants. Jerry and Lenore had exchanged a look and then both turned to David and advanced toward him, prepared to give him a wedgie. “No, thanks,” Sasha whined. “I’ll just go use a black one, I guess.” “My children,” Lenore opined. “I’m so proud of them.” “Could be worse,” Jerry observed as he finished lacing his shoes. “They could have been triplets.” “Bite your tongue,” Lenore gasped and stood up to take a seat at the score table. “How do you keep score again?”
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“I’ll do it.” Sasha was back with a black ball, and apparently, no patience for re-explaining to his mother how to keep score in bowling. “You do this every time,” Sasha grumbled. “Sounds like someone needs some French fries or a nice glass of Coke or some cheese to go with his whine,” Lenore said as she vacated the seat. “I’m sorry, you two,” she said to Jerry and David. “I guess it’s a good thing William didn’t make it. These two would have made him positively miserable.” “Hey,” Alexei groused. “There’s nothing wrong with me. It’s him,” he said, pointing to his brother. “How about best looking goes first?” “Deal,” Jerry said and stood up to go first, ignoring the protests the twins launched. Jerry honestly couldn’t remember the last time he’d been bowling, but it was on David’s list. Plus, it did give them more time to spend with Lenore and the twins. They’d formed something of an extended family over the years. Sasha and Alexei felt as much like his kids as William and Cory did. They were really good boys… or young men… and adored their mother and father, and they were good students to boot. He concentrated, lining up his thumb with the center pin, just like his gym teacher had taught him all those years ago. Jerry had no idea if this was even an acceptable technique, but it was the only one he knew, so that’s the one he’d use. He let his arm descend to his side, took three long strides and brought his arm forward… let go of the ball… follow through… and lean to the right. Perfect. Or it would have been if he’d knocked down more than the two pins on the right. He waited for his ball and concentrated. See the pins. Be the ball. He was pretty sure it wouldn’t work this time either, but it was better than thinking about molesting David in the men’s room—which was where his mind usually went when he was bored. His ball arrived and he picked it up, repeating the same steps. He stayed down in the lunge until the ball knocked off only one more pin.
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He stood, looked at Sasha, and tried to save face. “Hope you can count that high,” he said with a sneer. Sasha just shook his head and laughed. “Good try, good try,” David called from his seat. “You’ll get ’em next time, tiger.” David was barely containing his laughter, so Jerry walked over and sat beside him, reaching out and putting his hand, claw-like, over his husband’s knee. “You meant that, right?” Jerry squeezed gently, letting David know that he should consider his answer seriously. “Of course,” David said, seeming somewhat indignant. “Do I seem like the person who would make fun of someone else just for a laugh? The next thing you’ll accuse me of doing is tipping someone over in yoga class and calling them road kill.” Jerry increased the pressure of the claw around David’s knee, but let go when David yelped and tried to jump up. He and David might not be back, Jerry knew, but Lenore came here quite regularly with the twins for family night, so he didn’t want to embarrass her. Although, having known Lenore for seven years now, Jerry was more and more convinced all the time that it would be next to impossible to embarrass the woman. And besides, David and Lenore always ganged up on him if he mistreated one of them. “Hey,” Jerry called over to Lenore. “Mother Superior, you’re up.” David slapped Jerry for calling Lenore that. Honestly, how could you not? This woman, who had a mouth like an interstate trucker, had been a nun! She’d given it all up and renounced her vows when she met Harvard, the twins’ father, and fell in love. But she’d actually been a nun. Jerry still found it hard to believe. “What?” Jerry whined, rubbing his bicep. “I always say it with great reverence.” “Watch and learn,” Lenore said as she passed by to pick up her ball. “And then maybe you’ll be able to knock down four pins your next turn.” Jerry turned to look at David when he heard his husband snicker. “Don’t encourage her,” he admonished, even though he knew it was pointless. They were going to tease him for all they were worth tonight. It had been weeks since their last outing together with Lenore and the
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twins; they had some catching up to do, and Jerry knew he was the usual target. “Don’t worry,” Sasha whispered to Jerry. “I’ll take care of it.” Jerry winked at him and leaned, watching Lenore get a strike. “Foul!” Jerry pointed to Lenore’s shoes. “You crossed the foul line.” “Whiner,” Lenore muttered as she took her seat. “Did she foul?” Sasha looked over to Jerry, wide-eyed. “No,” Jerry said, laughing at Lenore’s reaction. “I’m just teasing her.” David got up to take his turn, and Jerry knew this would be good. Everything David did was with stern concentration and one hundred percent commitment to do it all properly. And the fact that Jerry had a legitimate reason to be staring at his ass and long legs in public made it even more fun. He watched as David picked up the heavy ball and placed it in front of his face, concentrating, until he took a step, swung his arm back and then took—what looked to Jerry like—two and a half steps, brought his arm forward, and released the ball. David stayed in his crouched position, his arm still hovering where it had landed after the follow-through, and watched as the ball knocked down all but one pin. “Crap,” David muttered when he sat back down beside his husband. “Don’t worry,” Jerry soothed. “You’ll get ’em next time, tiger.” Jerry laughed even harder when David stuck his tongue out and went to sit with Lenore, leaving Jerry to keep score for Sasha while he took his turn. Jerry overheard Lenore and David talking about school and David’s doctoral thesis, but turned his head when he heard Alexei calling his name. “Hey,” Jerry said when he saw the little box of French fries in his hands. “Where’d you get those?” “Concession,” Alexei said, holding the cardboard box out to Jerry. Jerry shook his head. He was still watching his calories, trying to make sure he didn’t end up gaining weight again as he had twice
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before. But it was hard, living with David who made such incredible meals and desserts. Jerry hadn’t had that in a long time before meeting David. He’d survived on take-out and dinners out at restaurants with friends. But then these same friends had all partnered up, leaving Jerry to spend more and more time eating meals out of cans or driving into the city to stock up on takeout fare, warming it up in the microwave whenever he got hungry. “You’re up next, chief,” Jerry said to Alexei when Sasha came back to take his seat at the scorekeepers table. “Make your momma proud.” “I’m already proud of my boys,” Lenore said as she came and sat beside Jerry. “What’d I do now?” Jerry looked up to see that David had already gotten up to head to the concession. “Nothing,” Lenore said, resting her arm on Jerry’s forearm. “Don’t be so paranoid.” She leaned in a little closer. “I’ve come to tell you that the fat lady can sing.” Lenore got up again, without saying anything more, and moved to take her original seat on the other side of the table. Jerry nodded and gave her a thumbs-up. Lenore had been charged with the mission of finding out if the program that the symphony would be playing next week—the symphony that Jerry wanted to surprise David with—was something he’d enjoy. The program was called A Night in Vienna and would feature romantic waltzes by Strauss and Beethoven’s Second Symphony. When Jerry had first read about it, he’d thought it the perfect night out for David. When they’d spent their six months in Italy, one of their weekend trips had been to Vienna to see where David’s maternal ancestors had come from. They’d been a farming family, so they hadn’t come from Vienna, but from one of the many small farms that dotted the countryside outside of Vienna. The second—and last—evening there before they had to head back to Florence, Jerry had surprised David with a trip to an outdoor concert that featured Strauss and Beethoven, and a few other composers Jerry couldn’t remember. It wasn’t a black-
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tie affair, but they’d taken the opportunity to go out to dinner first and then make a romantic night of it, while Cory looked after William, the two boys playing games and surfing the net in a five-star hotel not too far from the concert grounds. Jerry had tried to get them to come with, but neither of the boys was particularly fond of classical music. Truthfully, neither was Jerry, but he was awfully fond of David, so the decision had been an easy one to make. Jerry made a mental note to head to Harry Rosen to get a new suit for the occasion, and maybe a new pair of shoes as well. He’d thought briefly of making a reservation at a hotel and turning it into a romantic weekend, but knew that David would spend too much of the time worrying about William. But Jerry made a mental note to discuss it with William anyway, to see if his son would be able to cope with being alone for one night. And as he thought of William, Jerry wondered how the surprise was shaping up. He glanced down at his watch. “Movie’s already started,” Jerry said to David as his husband came back with some fries and two cups of soda. “What movie?” Lenore asked, her eyes darting between the two of them. Jerry popped a fry into his mouth, just the one he told himself, and smiled as he watched David explain the plan that he and Jerry had hatched with Cory and Tara. Lenore threw her head back and laughed in that infectious way she had as Jerry leaned forward to explain the plan to the twins.
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Chapter 14 WILLIAM followed Cory and Tara, who were arm-in-arm and whispering, into the lobby of the theater. The familiar smell of popcorn and sugar assaulted his nostrils, and he immediately realized he’d rather be home. Maybe Anne had found some way to call me or to send me an e-mail. He shrugged his shoulders at the thought and realized it would still be there tomorrow. He knew Cory had been right; there was no sense in William doing nothing day after day, waiting for things to change. If they did, William would be the happiest guy in the world. And if they didn’t, he still had his other hopes and dreams. Tara informed both Cory and William that she was going to the bathroom and that she just wanted a small Coke from the concession. William stood behind his brother in line and waited for their turn to order. “When do you have to leave?” William tried not to sound too needy, but he wanted Cory to stay longer. In another week or so, both brothers would be back to their regular lives, and then it would be months before William got to see Cory again. “Tara has to get back to school, and I’ve got some meetings lined up the week after next, so we’ll be heading out next Tuesday.” Cory stood close to him and whispered, “Only one more year, though, buddy, and then you’ll be living with us in Guelph.” “I know,” William said, that thought making him smile. “I feel kind of bad for David and Dad, though.” “You’ll be back to visit,” Cory soothed. “And they’ll come out and visit, just like they did at Christmas. Remember last Christmas when you three came out to visit me and Tara.”
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William nodded. “Was it hard? Living away from them for the first time.” He knew that Cory had only been living on the ranch for two years before he moved away, but he wanted to hear that it wasn’t as bad as William was imagining. “Won’t lie to you, Billiam,” Cory said as they advanced closer to the concession stand. “It wasn’t easy, and I really missed David’s cooking, but you learn to adapt.” Cory moved a little closer to his brother again, whispering, “But when I do see them or hear their voices, it’s the most amazing feeling in the world. Knowing that someone out there is thinking about you and missing you. Nothing better. I hadn’t had that since my mother died.” “Yeah,” William said, smiling, thinking of Cory’s life before he’d found a home on the ranch, and thinking of Anne. He wondered if she was missing him right now, or if she’d already learned how to adapt without him. “Did David tell you that he took me to see his mother in the hospital? She got out today.” “No,” Cory said, his eyes widening. “Is she… does she… what’s happening with that? Does Jerry know?” William noticed Cory roll his eyes, as if he knew right away that Jerry would certainly know that David was back in touch with his mother. “Yes, he knows. I guess when the accident happened,” William began to explain, and realized that that had only been a week ago. It seemed like a lifetime. “David went to the hospital to be with his mom, whether she liked it or not, and, I guess, she’d mellowed a little. Asked David to come back, if he wanted, but then was giving him mixed signals.” William touched Cory’s arm when it was their turn to buy their treats for the movie. “Just a Coke for me, please… large, please.” William waited until Cory had given his and Tara’s orders and then continued. “Anyway, I guess David was ready to give up when she’d seemed to relapse into her old ways. But he visited her one last time, and she told him to bring me by, if I still wanted to bring her flowers and a card.” “Cool,” Cory said as he handed some of the items to William. “I bet David is over the moon psyched about that, hey?”
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“Yeah,” William said, smiling at the memory of meeting Opa Niels’s wife and David’s mother. He’d always thought he’d be scared to meet her, but she’d actually turned out to be not as bad as he’d imagined. She was a little aloof and didn’t say much, at first, but she seemed interested in William’s life and even told him about knowing some of Jerry’s parents’ friends. William had his own, and Tara’s Coke, in his hands as he and Cory walked to the theater doors, and suddenly William realized that Tara hadn’t returned from the bathroom. “Shouldn’t we wait for Tara? Will she know we’ve gone in already?” “No worries, Billiam,” Cory said as he nodded down the wide corridor of the multiplex. “She’s already waiting for us… down there.” William looked down the long hallway to see Tara, gesturing and laughing with some girl, and kept walking. It wasn’t until he was a few feet from Tara that he could see over her shoulder, see the girl who Tara had been talking to. “Anne?” William’s voice was whisper-quiet and frail. “What are you doing here? Did you run away again? Did your dad hurt you?” “William,” Cory said, coming up to stand alongside his brother. “Her mom brought her. We had this idea and talked it over with Jerry and David, and David called Mrs. Hill to see if she would be okay with it. Mrs. Hill said yes, but that she’ll be here as soon as the movie ends to pick Anne up.” Cory smiled at William’s nervous expression. “You’re not in any trouble, Billiam. Relax. Have a nice visit, okay? Tara and I are going to sit within view, but you two go and find your seats. Go,” Cory repeated when William didn’t move right away. “I didn’t get anything at the concession for….” William looked behind him, at the concession, but there were too many people and the movie would be starting soon. He handed Anne his soda and shrugged. “I know you like Pepsi better, but….” William was relieved when she took it, and felt the butterflies in his stomach when she put her other hand in his and smiled up at him. “It’s okay. This is fine,” she said as she led William into the theater. He turned around to mouth Thank you to Cory and Tara, noticing that Tara looked like she was about to cry.
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He felt like he would too. He would get to spend almost three hours with Anne. He’d never been so glad to have commercials at the beginning of theater movies. Of course, he knew already he would have no idea what the movie was about. He’d be spending all of his time looking at Anne.
DAVID was still smiling as they pulled up to the house. Jerry had had the lowest score of the game, so he’d had to buy pizza for everyone. David and the twins had had beer and Jerry and Lenore had had pizza. And they’d all had a lot of fun, David and Jerry finding it very relaxing and stress-free. He’d even been surprised when Jerry had asked Lenore and her twins if they could all do it again next week. Of course, Lenore had insisted and even asked them to bring William, who hadn’t seen much of the twins lately. David unlocked the door to their house, hearing Billie’s single bark, and wondered how William was enjoying his surprise. He couldn’t wait for the three of them to get home so he could see the look on his son’s face, hear about the unexpected reunion with Anne. David hadn’t been too sure that his phone call to Mrs. Hill would be met with the positive reaction it had, considering that Mrs. Hill still had to live with Mr. Hill, but he was unable to see William so sad and dejected. “We have the whole house to ourselves,” Jerry said, coming up from behind him and snuggling against his back. “I just want to check the messages,” David said, walking over— Jerry still attached to his back—and hitting the play button, Billie frolicking a little at their feet. “I’m hoping one of them is about your ultrasound results.” David leaned back against Jerry, his fingers interlaced with his husband’s, as they listened to the first message. It was from David’s mother, who’d been released from the hospital earlier that day. Hello, David. Your father and I were hoping we could come over for a visit sometime this weekend, to see William and meet Jerry and
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Cory and Tara before they have to head back to Ontario. We’re in for the rest of the evening, so you can reach us at home. There was no goodbye or any other kind of end to the message other than the beep that signaled the end of one message and the beginning of the next. David quickly turned his head and looked up at Jerry. “Oh my God,” David whispered. “I never told her most of that information. She must have asked Dad about names and where Cory and Tara were studying.” The next message began, and David felt himself relax at the sound of Dr. Wulfhaart’s voice. Hello, Jerry and David, this is Dr. Wolfy. Jerry squeezed David and whispered, “Told you it would catch on.” David laughed and then told Jerry to shush. Normally, I’d ask you to call me back, but I figured Jerry wouldn’t mind me leaving a message. Everything is fine and it isn’t anything to worry about. Call me tomorrow at the office, and I’ll explain in more detail. Enjoy the good news. “Told you,” Jerry said as he turned David around and kissed him, thoroughly. “Thank God,” David said as their foreheads rested against each other. “Thank God.” “That takes some pressure off, now, huh?” Jerry spread his legs to be at eye level with his husband. “Especially if you’re going to have your parents over on the weekend.” David looked up at him, smiling. “You’re okay with that?” “Sure,” Jerry shrugged, “why wouldn’t I be?” Jerry brought a hand up and smoothed it over David’s hair. “William said she was great, so why not?” Jerry kissed his husband and then stood up straight and moved to the fridge. “Beer?” Jerry stooped and took two beers out of the fridge, walking to the table while twisting off the caps. “And I can’t wait to see your mother, since you don’t really look like your dad.”
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“I don’t really look like either,” David said as he joined his husband at the table. “But William did say I looked more like my mother than my father.” David reached down to scratch at Billie’s ears. “I wonder how he’s doing,” Jerry mused as he took a swig of his beer. David knew he was referring to William and not to Niels. “If it goes really well and there are no problems, I was wondering what you would think of inviting Mrs. Hill and Anne over for a barbecue tomorrow night.” David saw Jerry open his mouth, but he continued anyway. “I mean, today is Friday, so we can have them over tomorrow night, and then we can have my parents over for an early dinner on Sunday.” “That’s a lot of barbecue,” Jerry said before taking another swig of his beer. “We don’t need to barbecue for my parents. Mom doesn’t really enjoy the outdoors,” David said as he took a few, long pulls on his own beer. He bent down and nuzzled Billie’s neck. “No, she doesn’t, and she probably won’t like you either, so you can stay beside me the whole night. Yes, you can, you beautiful girl.” “I thought she was raised on a farm in Saskatchewan,” Jerry said, obviously a little confused. “She was,” David confirmed. “And I think that’s probably why she doesn’t like the outdoors.” “You sure you’re even their kid?” Jerry laughed and stretched his back in the chair. “That’s what it says on my birth certificate.” David knew that Jerry was asking how someone like David had parents like Niels and Marie. Niels had had a privileged upbringing, just like Jerry and David, and didn’t know the first thing about horses or farming or the outdoors. And Marie had been raised on a farm, knew everything there was to know about horses and the outdoors, but spent as little time as possible in it. David, on the other hand, loved the outdoors and mucking stalls and rolling around in the grass and camping. He looked over at Jerry and shrugged, as if to reinforce that his family was far too complex to try to figure out.
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“Isn’t calling to invite Mrs. Hill and Anne tomorrow a little short on notice?” “Maybe,” David said, “but something tells me that they’re not doing much. When I spoke to Mrs. Hill yesterday, she told me that Mr. Hill is off on some business trip and won’t be back until Tuesday.” “Wonder if he knows,” Jerry said as he finished his beer. “Something tells me he doesn’t,” David said, getting up and fetching Jerry another beer. “You’re trying to get me drunk, aren’t you?” “No,” David said, shaking his head. “When you’re drunk, it’s difficult to have my way with you. You fall asleep on me within minutes.” Jerry laughed at that remark and the two of them enjoyed a few moments of silence. “What time does the movie get out?” Jerry was looking at the big clock that hung on the wall of the kitchen, just above the built-in desk. “It’s a long one,” David replied, looking over at the same clock. “I think Cory said they’d be home just before ten.” “Another fifteen minutes,” Jerry said, waggling his eyebrows. He left his beer on the table and pulled David into the living room, Billie hot on their heels. He laid his husband down on the sofa, David going willingly, and then climbed between his legs, bringing their torsos together before he brought his lips to caress David’s. Billie was probably feeling a little neglected, and licked David’s face and then Jerry’s. Jerry just laughed and pulled her between them, four hands scratching and loving on her, until she left to go lie down in front of the fireplace. “Been so busy lately,” Jerry whispered. “Haven’t done much of this.” David knew that Jerry was talking about kissing and touching, without the need to head to any particular objective. “I know I’ve been a little preoccupied, baby,” David said as he brought his hands up to stroke over Jerry’s thick back. He moved his hand to the nape of Jerry’s neck and pulled his head down for another kiss.
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Jerry had his elbows planted on either side of David’s shoulders, his hands reaching out to caress his husband’s face and hair. “No worries. There are bound to be some ups and downs sometimes. I’m just glad that you’re feeling a lot more relaxed.” David opened his mouth to tell Jerry just how relaxed he was feeling right then, but they heard the door open and William’s voice thanking Cory and Tara for convincing him to go to the movie. Jerry lifted himself off of David’s body and then held out his hand. They both walked to the front entrance. David’s heart just about flew out of his chest when he saw that William was positively beaming. “How’d it go?” David asked before William walked over to him and enfolded him in a bear hug. “Thank you, David.” William let go and then turned to Jerry, throwing his arms around him as well. “Thanks, Dad.” “I guess it went well, then, huh?” Jerry hugged his son, but didn’t let go when William did, preferring to leave one arm draped lazily over his son’s shoulders. “You’re welcome, chief, but David gets all the credit for this one.” “I thought he was going to pass out,” Cory said, laughing at William’s obvious embarrassment. “You should have seen the look on his face. And what was the first thing out of his mouth? He was worried that he and Anne were going to get in trouble for being together.” “Mrs. Hill was there, just as she’d said,” Tara recounted. “She even took a few moments to visit with us before she and Anne left to go home.” “How was the movie?” David asked, looking from Cory to Tara to William, and laughed when he saw William shrug, his cheeks turning a deep crimson color. “I don’t think he ever stopped looking at Anne,” Tara said, her smile growing as she looked at William. “The movie was good, but it’s been so long since I’ve seen the last one that I think I missed half of it ’cause I was trying to remember names and events and places.”
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“Well,” David said, smoothing his hand over William’s hair and brushing a forelock out of his eyes. “We’ll just have to rent it when it’s out so that you can finally watch it.” “I’m gonna head to bed,” William said, his smile still broad and beaming. He gave one last hug to his dad and to David and then headed up the stairs. “Beer?” Jerry said to Cory and Tara as he headed back to the kitchen, David following him. “Sure,” Cory said with a shrug. The four of them sat around the table and talked about the movie, about how excited William had been to see Anne again, and about David’s idea to invite Anne and her mother over for a barbecue tomorrow night. “She didn’t seem upset?” David looked from Cory to Tara. He was referring to Mrs. Hill’s reaction when she’d come to pick up her daughter at the theater. “Or worried about anything?” “No,” Tara said, shaking her head and looking at Cory. “I mean, she seems like the nervous type anyway, but she was smiling and telling us how grateful she was that we’d chaperoned.” “Jerry and I aren’t sure if Mr. Hill knows what’s going on,” David admitted to Cory and Tara. “We were saying the same thing,” Cory said, his brow furrowed as he looked over at Tara. “I was telling Tara that I couldn’t believe that Mr. Hill would be okay with all of this.” “Mrs. Hill said something about Mr. Hill being out of town until Tuesday,” Tara said, the sentence seeming more like a question than an observation. “I wonder what’s going to happen if he doesn’t know and doesn’t approve.” Cory looked intently at David, who just shook his head. “We’ll figure it out if and when that happens,” Jerry observed and turned to Cory. “In the meantime, David’s parents are coming over on Sunday, possibly, because his mother wants to meet me and you two, before you have to head back to Ontario.”
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“William said she was nice,” Cory observed. David figured that William had probably told Cory and Tara that Marie was a little cold and aloof, which was true enough, but didn’t want to use those exact words. “My mother can be an incredibly loving woman,” David said, his smile strained. “But she can also be a little… cool, especially to people she doesn’t really know. So….” “It’ll be fine,” Tara said. “Cory can practice, pretend he’s trying to land a new client. It’ll be good for him.” “What about you two?” Jerry asked as he picked at the label of his beer. “Have you discussed dates and places, or….” “We were thinking next summer,” Cory said, his smile growing as the topic changed to the wedding. “And we were thinking here.” “But, of course, we could do it at Grandpa’s if—” “Here works for me,” Jerry said and turned to David. “Absolutely,” David agreed, and turned to Tara. “You let me know what you’ll need, and I’ll arrange everything from this end.” “Thanks,” Tara said before she let go of a big yawn. “We’ve been keeping so busy here, we’re going to need a vacation when we get back to Ontario.” Cory raised himself off his chair, and Tara, hers, and they said their good nights to Jerry and David. They watched Cory and Tara head off to bed. “Wonder how your mother’s going to react to being a greatgrandmother,” Jerry teased as he finished his second beer. “One step at a time here, okay?” David asked, as he leaned his head against Jerry’s shoulder. “I just need to get through the weekend first.”
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Chapter 15 JERRY pulled his truck up to the house and parked it, wondering how he was going to get all of his new purchases into the house without David noticing anything. He’d spent the morning at Harry Rosen, getting fitted with his new suit, picking out the right tie, and even getting a brand new pair of shoes. He was going to make sure that their night out at the symphony would be a night his husband would never forget. But he had to figure out how to get all of the stuff inside and into William’s closet while David was running around getting everything ready for the barbecue with Mrs. Hill and Anne. He’d received a phone call while he was in the middle of his shopping spree. David had just gotten off of the phone with Mrs. Hill, and everything was arranged. Mrs. Hill, according to David, had been thrilled at the idea of coming over and getting to know William and his family. Jerry had asked if David had screwed up the courage to ask her about her husband’s thoughts on all of this, but David had not. He was still too hesitant to stick his nose in where it didn’t belong. Jerry had asked William to look after the horses that morning, grooming and cleaning out the stalls, while he went to get his new attire for the symphony, and noticed that William was just coming out of the barn, a big smile still on his face. “Hey, partner,” Jerry greeted as he exited his vehicle. “Need you to distract David while I get this stuff into your closet.” Jerry had already asked William a couple of days ago if he could hide his new outfit in his son’s room so that David wouldn’t wonder why there was a new suit hanging in their closet. “Or,” William said quickly, “you could go and distract him, and I could take all of that up to my room.”
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“Works for me,” Jerry said as he squeezed his son’s shoulder and made his way into the house. It was just after lunch, but David had already begun to prepare the food for the barbecue with Anne and her mother. They would probably be arriving before four this afternoon and would be here for several hours while William and Anne visited, William finally getting the chance to show his girl the horses he loved so much. “Meeting go well?” David asked as he came over for a kiss. “Very,” Jerry said and obliged his husband with a quick kiss. “Can I help with anything?” “No,” David sighed. “I think I’ve got it all under control.” “Okay. How about if we take a little break?” Jerry said, but David eyed him suspiciously. “I was talking about having some tea.” “Oh, okay,” David said, his cheeks flushing. “I have to wait for the dough to rise anyway.” Jerry moved all of the materials that littered the table to the other end so that David would be forced to sit with his back to the door. “You sit,” he said, guiding David into the right chair, “and I’ll get everything we need.” “Thank you, baby,” David said as he sat and leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Jerry fetched some mugs and put them on the table, glancing to the door and seeing that William was peering through the screen, all of Jerry’s purchases slung over his shoulder. He waved William in, and then put a finger to his lips, telling William to be very quiet. “I think on Monday and Tuesday,” Jerry said, sitting down in a chair while William sneaked upstairs, “we’re going to order in and have nice quiet evenings with movies, and just relax. You’re not going to cook or do anything. Maybe we’ll even go out to the lake for a nice picnic?” “Sounds like heaven,” David said, opening his eyes and smiling at his husband. “A nice quiet evening before Cory and Tara have to head back to Ontario on Wednesday.”
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“You can get some more work done on your thesis once we’re back to normal,” Jerry soothed, reaching for David’s hand. “Yeah, but there’ll only be a week before school starts up again.” “No worries,” Jerry said, leaning forward for a kiss, “you’ll get it done eventually.” “Yeah,” David sighed as Jerry got up to unplug the kettle and fix them each a mug of tea.
“IT’S so nice that you could make it,” David said to Mrs. Hill as she and Anne made their way to the picnic table. He turned to look at Anne. “William is in the barn getting the horses ready for you. He’s been in there all afternoon making sure they’re clean and shiny.” “It’s so nice of you to invite us over,” Mrs. Hill said as she handed David a Tupperware dish. “I know you said not to bring anything, but I made some potato salad.” “That was very thoughtful. Thank you.” David turned to see Anne looking in the direction of the barn, her face alight when she saw William walking toward them, a smile as big and broad on his face. Billie walked obediently at his side, tail wagging and tongue hanging out. “Mrs. Hill,” William said as he offered his hand. They shook hands and then William pointed to the barn. “David says we have a little while before dinner is ready. May I show you both the barn? Give you a tour?” David noticed Anne nodding enthusiastically. “This is Billie,” he said by way of introductions, scratching the dog’s ears. “Thank you, William, that sounds like fun.” Mrs. Hill turned to David and smiled. David stood, holding the Tupperware container, watching them head toward the barn, before heading inside to store the potato salad in the fridge. He returned to the veranda and saw William leading both ladies out into the corral, Mountain Lion beside the three of them.
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William was a little too big for Mountain Lion now, but he still loved that animal as much as he ever did. As he strode over to the barn, prepared to rescue Mrs. Hill, who seemed rather jittery around the horse, David wondered what William would be doing with Billie when he went off to university in Guelph. Of course, he knew that Billie would be heartsick if William didn’t take her with him, and he was pretty sure that William would, but he still made a mental note to raise the subject at a later date. David reached the fence and leaned against it, trying to imagine how William would fare without Billie there to keep him company. They’d been inseparable since the day they’d met. David had tried to get Billie to sleep in her own bed, beside William’s, but he invariably found her curled up beside William in the morning. It had taken him only a matter of weeks to realize he would never win that particular battle. He noticed Mrs. Hill walking back toward him, her arms folded protectively over her chest. “I’m afraid I’m a city girl,” she said as he bent to pass through the middle railings of the fence. “Animals that big scare me. I couldn’t believe how big the other two horses are,” she said, her emerald green eyes wide. “I didn’t know much about horses, either, until I came to live on the ranch.” “Your boy is very well-mannered,” she said, leaving David to wonder about the change in topic. “I’m sorry he had to go through all of this. He and Anne have learned their lesson, I think.” “Oh, thank God,” David said, letting go of a lungful of air. “I was so worried there for a while. William was just inconsolable.” “As was Anne,” Mrs. Hill said, looking over at the pair of them, Billie enjoying Anne’s affectionate petting as she listened to William explain about horses and grooming and riding. “I found a bottle of pills in her backpack two days after you brought Anne back home… after she’d run away.” David looked over so suddenly that he felt his neck crack. “Did she…?”
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“No, thank heaven,” Mrs. Hill said, her voice a mere whisper. “I only went into her backpack to replace her EpiPen… the old one had expired.” David wanted to tell her that she didn’t owe him any explanations. He didn’t want to invade his children’s privacy, but he wasn’t going to question a parent who did, especially in a situation like Mrs. Hill’s. Invading Anne’s privacy may have very well saved her life. “I’m so sorry, Sheila. That must have been a horrible shock.” Mrs. Hill just nodded, her gaze still on William and Anne. “Why don’t we go and sit, have some tea or coffee.” “Tea sounds lovely,” she said as she walked beside David to the picnic table. David excused himself long enough to get mugs and tea bags and fill a carafe with hot water, returning moments later to find Mrs. Hill sitting and staring out at her daughter. William had somehow convinced her to go for a ride around the corral while he held the lead. David couldn’t help but notice the big grins on both of their faces, or that Billie was trailing behind William, glancing up at this new rival for his master’s affections. He wondered what was going on in the dog’s mind, and wanted to be able to tell Billie that she didn’t have anything to worry about, that William would be as true to her as he’d always been. “He seems like a wonderful young man,” Mrs. Hill said, accepting the mug and picking out a tea bag from the stash that David saved for guests. “He is. We’re very proud of him.” “I can see why Anne loves him so much.” A smile ghosted over Mrs. Hill’s face, disappearing as quickly as it had appeared. “I remember when she came home after meeting him for the first time. She said he’d been very nice, but she didn’t believe that someone as handsome as William would ever be interested in her.” “But she’s absolutely lovely,” David said, sitting beside the petite woman and preparing his own mug of tea.
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“I think so,” Mrs. Hill laughed, “but then I’m her mother.” “William told me that she’s taken some abuse at school?” “Yes, and I think that’s why Jim has been so overly protective of her. I can’t blame him, really.” She studied the cup in her hands for a moment. “But I’ve decided to leave him.” David turned quickly, looking at her. Her gaze was still on her daughter. “I’m so sorry to hear that.” “Thank you, but….” She sighed, sipped some more of her tea. “Things have started to get out of control.” She turned to look at David. “As you said yourself, he doesn’t seem to be thinking of anything other than what’s best for him.” Her eyes moved back to the corral and its occupants. “We can’t keep her locked in the house forever. And I think William has been so wonderful for her self-esteem. To have someone like him take an interest in her.” David didn’t know what to say, what to do. “You and Mr. McKenzie did a wonderful job raising him.” “Jerry,” David corrected, smiling at her. “You can call him Jerry. And thank you. We’re so very proud of him.” “It’s a funny thing, isn’t it, David?” Mrs. Hill shook her head, her face holding a sad smile. “We put our hearts and souls into making sure they’re happy and healthy, and then when they make a mistake, it seems the only thing we can do is blame ourselves for having missed something, somewhere.” “Is there any chance you’ll stay and try to work it out?” David hoped he wasn’t overstepping. “No,” she said, shaking her head slowly. “I doubt he’ll change. If anything, he seems to be getting more controlling and more difficult to live with. It just took this to make me realize that Anne deserves better.” David nodded, understanding completely. “More tea?” he asked, reaching for the carafe of hot water. She shook her head. “No, thank you.” Mrs. Hill turned to look at David. “May I use your bathroom?”
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“Of course,” David said, standing and escorting her back into the house. He told her that he would be down at the corral, but that she should feel free to tour the house or come and join him or sit at the picnic table. David walked back out to the veranda, seeing that Jerry had finally left his studio and was leaning against the corral fence. As David approached his husband, he could hear Jerry telling William what a wonderful job he was doing and how Anne seemed like a natural rider. “Mrs. Hill is just using the bathroom at the moment,” David explained. “She should be out in a bit.” “Sounds good,” Jerry said, leaning in to kiss his husband’s forehead. “Should I be getting the meat ready?” “If you’d like,” David said, his eyes fixed on William and Anne. He laughed when he noticed Billie still at William’s side, sitting patiently and waiting for some attention. “I started the barbecue just before our guests arrived, so… whenever.” David heard the screen door shut and turned in time to see Mrs. Hill return to the picnic table. “Come on. I’ll introduce you two, and then we can all chat while you cook the meat and I get the table ready.” As they made their way to the picnic table, Jerry noticed Cory and Tara come out onto the veranda. He waved them over, and after Jerry’d been officially introduced to Mrs. Hill, David and Jerry excused themselves to get dinner started while Cory and Tara stayed to visit with Anne’s mother. Once inside the safety of their home, David turned to Jerry. “She told me that she’s thinking of leaving Mr. Hill.” “Can’t say I’m surprised to hear that,” Jerry said as he took the meat and laid it out on a platter, then covered the whole thing with plastic wrap. “She seemed awfully nervous around him, even when we saw them at their house.” “I know, but it’s still so sad.” David was preparing his usual platter of fixings at the counter. “I just hope Anne doesn’t blame herself for it.”
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“I’m sure she’ll have plenty of people to see her through it,” Jerry predicted. “And maybe she might even be a little glad for the chance for a little more freedom.” “Yeah, maybe you’re right,” David said as he picked up his platter and waited for Jerry before heading back outside. “No maybe about it, baby,” Jerry said, goosing his husband’s ass. David laughed and the two of them returned to the picnic table to join in the discussion that Cory and Tara were having with Mrs. Hill. It seemed that the two young adults had taken it upon themselves to explain everything there was to know about horses. Much to her credit, Mrs. Hill just sat there and smiled. David wondered what she was actually thinking about. Once the meat was grilled to Jerry’s exacting standards, and William and Anne had returned from washing their hands, the small gathering of seven people ate and talked and laughed, Jerry being his usual extroverted self and entertaining everyone with stories that embarrassed his two sons. David stared out at the smiling faces. Anne was leaning against William, laughing at some of the stories that Jerry told, her face so full of love and admiration for William that David wished they would stay that way forever. William was blushing every shade of red as Jerry ignored his protests and told one story after another. Cory and Tara were in there, as well, telling stories about William or Jerry or David. And Mrs. Hill was actually laughing, and David assumed that she had managed to forget about her troubles for the evening, throwing in a few of her own embarrassing stories about Anne. Desserts were consumed, coffee and tea served, and before the evening ended all too soon for David, William had asked Mrs. Hill if she and Anne could return on Monday or someday next week to continue Anne’s riding lessons. Mrs. Hill had readily agreed, and Anne voted for Monday. David glanced briefly at Jerry. So much for a quiet evening. David just smiled. He didn’t have a problem sacrificing another night so that William could keep proving himself. He’d already
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regained his fathers’ trust, so David was not about to deny him anything. And neither, did it appear, would Mrs. Hill. They said goodbye to their guests, Anne giving David and Jerry a quick hug, Mrs. Hill shaking both of their hands while confirming that she would be dropping Anne off at their house again on Monday around four in the afternoon. Cory and Tara cleared off the picnic table while Jerry cleaned the grill for tomorrow’s dinner with his husband’s parents, and David straightened the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher. William returned Mountain Lion to the barn and then helped the rest of his family with whatever was left to do. When all the cleaning was done and the doors locked, Jerry and David and their growing family retired to the living room to relax and watch some television, none of them too interested in the latest series, but chatting instead about Cory and Tara’s imminent return to Ontario and possible plans for Jerry, David, and William to visit them at Christmas. And by ten o’clock, they all found themselves yawning and preparing for another busy day tomorrow.
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Chapter 16 ANOTHER night of barbecue, David thought as he spent most of the afternoon slicing and dicing for yet another platter. He was glad that the weather was still nice enough to enjoy an evening outside, but he was also glad that they could go back to regular cooking and eating inside the kitchen. Summers on the ranch always seemed to involve so much more work in order to barbecue outside. And what made it even more questionable was that he wasn’t even sure his mother would stay outside. When David had been much younger, and his father had decided that they would buy one of those silver Airstream vehicles, the entire family had been so excited, except for David’s mother. He could still hear the calm and rational discussions between his father and his mother, late at night when they thought he was asleep, that would always end with Marie simply refusing to go. Somehow, however, Niels must have coaxed his wife into going because that very summer, the entire family took the brand new Airstream on its maiden voyage to the Okanagan Valley in British Columbia. David and his sisters had been beside themselves with excitement, but Marie had usually stayed inside the Airstream, even for meals. She would venture out every now and again to take pictures for the family albums or shoot those grainy movies that she would play for friends and family when they would come to visit. But mostly, David remembered wondering why she’d bothered to come at all. She didn’t go in the water, and she didn’t sit around the fire and roast marshmallows. David had often wondered, just after he’d moved to the ranch to live with Jerry and William, how his own father had ever had
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enough energy to spend almost all of his waking hours playing with three excited children. As he prepared the platters of cheeses and crackers and tomato slices and julienne peppers and all of the other fixings that came with barbecuing, David wondered if she’d changed at all. It wasn’t completely out of the realm of possibility, he supposed. After all, she seemed to have changed her mind about him and his family, even referring to them as your family, your husband, your son. But even if she did spend most of the evening indoors, David was glad that she was making the effort. The only other thing he had to wonder about was the drinking. While David and Jerry kept a fairly well-stocked bar, they never really had cause to use it. Neither David nor Jerry was a drinker by any means, besides the few beers a week that they would share late at night. And William and Cory had never proved to be prone to drinking to excess. There had been that one night, just shortly after Cory’s graduation, when Jerry had found Cory passed out near the corral. But that had proven to be a very bad reaction to a fight he’d had with Tara. David still wondered sometimes where Cory had found the alcohol to get himself so tanked; nothing had gone missing from the liquor cabinet at the ranch. As he stowed the platters in the fridge, David shook his head at the memory. Cory had been so devastated that Tara didn’t love him anymore. It was probably the reason that Cory was going to such lengths to make sure William didn’t give up hope when it came to his future with Anne. David cleaned up the kitchen, double-checked that all of the meat was defrosting, and then headed out to the barn to help Jerry with any final chores and preparations, looking up at the afternoon sky and hoping those clouds off in the distance didn’t mean rain. Of course, if they did, it would mean he didn’t need to worry about his mother hiding indoors all night, since they’d all be in there with her.
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“Hey, handsome,” David said as he came up behind Jerry and wrapped his arms around the broad back, his hands moving slowly up to his husband’s impressive chest. “Wanna fool around?” “Can’t. Husband might come out and catch me.” David felt the rumble in Jerry’s belly, the one that meant he was trying not to laugh. “Don’t worry about him. I hear he’s a real pain in the ass.” Jerry turned at the words and put his hands on David’s face, caressing his cheeks. “But he’s mine, all mine.” Jerry leaned down and pushed his lips against David’s, his fingers teasing the sensitive ears. “Hi, baby,” Jerry whispered as he pulled their lips apart. “I was just coming in to see if I could help you with anything.” “All done,” David said, pushing his hands into Jerry’s back pockets. “I just came out to see if you needed any help.” He laughed and brought a hand up to undo the buttons of Jerry’s work shirt. “Have I told you how much sexier the gray hairs make you look?” Jerry laughed and took hold of David’s hands. “As long as you’re happy, David, I’ll make them whatever color you want. Even shave them.” “You know what will happen if you do that, don’t you, cowboy?” It had become a little inside joke between the two of them. Jerry knew how much David loved the feel of Jerry’s hairy chest and belly, and would never do anything as stupid as shave, but he liked to tease David with the possibility. Jerry untucked his work shirt completely and moaned when he felt David’s arms wrap around him, underneath the shirt. “You’re gonna get me all excited,” Jerry whispered, dipping his head to kiss a sensitive ear. “We could go up to the loft,” David said, his body shivering from Jerry’s attention to his ear. “Thought you’d never ask,” Jerry said, laughing, then pulled his husband by the hand toward the ladder.
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David stopped suddenly, turning to look out the barn doors. “What time is it?” Jerry looked at his watch. “Half past four. Why?” “Shit,” David muttered under his breath. “It’s probably my parents already. Dad said something about showing Mom around the property before dinner.” David started buttoning Jerry’s shirt and then walked beside him to the barn doors, waving as soon as he recognized his father’s black Lexus. “I was hoping to be changed and better dressed,” Jerry whispered as he walked beside his husband to greet his in-laws, checking his hands and wiping them on his jeans. “I never dreamed he meant coming this early for the tour,” David said, smiling and trying not to make it look strained or affected. After another six or seven strides, they were standing in front of Niels and Marie Van den Boesch. “Hi, Dad,” he said as he embraced his father. “Mom,” he said, hugging his mother, careful of the cast still on her left arm. “Mom, this is Jerry McKenzie. Jerry, this is Marie Van den Boesch.” “Mrs. Van den Boesch,” Jerry offered a hand. “It’s a pleasure.” David watched as his mother, dressed in a very plain beige blouse and tan slacks, shook hands with his husband. David had tried to arrange a meeting between the two of them before she’d been discharged from the hospital, but it couldn’t be arranged. And when his father told him that she was being discharged a little earlier than expected because she’d been checking her blood sugar and actually taking her insulin, David didn’t want to push anything on her until she was ready. “Jerry,” she said, looking him in the eyes. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. Niels has told me so much about you. And your beautiful ranch.” “Wait until you see the inside,” Niels said as he shook hands with Jerry. “Jerry did most of the work himself. Truly inspiring
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craftsmanship, Marie.” David smiled, wondering if his father was going to be a champion for Jerry all evening. “If you two need to get cleaned up, or finish any last-minute details, I’ll give your mother the tour and then I’ll show her around inside.” David saw Jerry nod. “Please,” he said, smiling, “make yourselves at home.” Jerry headed for the house and David, who didn’t need to change, followed his parents to the barn. “William is inside,” he explained to his parents as they walked. “And Cory and Tara will be home in about ten or fifteen minutes.” “And Billie?” Niels asked as they entered the barn. “Where else?” David laughed and pointed his thumb over his shoulder. “With William.” “Such a lovely boy,” Marie said as she walked over to King’s stall. “This is King?” she asked, looking back at David, who nodded. “It’s uncanny. Almost identical to your grandfather’s King.” “I know,” David said, stepping up to stand beside his mother. “I noticed it the first time I saw him.” “Remember when he was four or five years old,” Marie asked, looking at Niels, “and we visited Momma and Papa on the farm?” Marie was smiling, broadly, and David couldn’t help but smile as well. It had been a long time since he’d heard her tell stories about the farm. She turned to look at him. “We would let you walk around, and you got a little too far away from us and went into the barn.” David couldn’t believe his mother was actually laughing. “We heard yelling all of a sudden and ran to see what was wrong.” David looked over at his father, who was just smiling, shaking his head at the memory. “You’d gotten too close to the stall, and King had nudged you looking for a treat. When we found you, you were on your bum, your little finger shaking at King, telling him what a bad boy he’d been for knocking you over.” “Should have known right then that you’d be a teacher,” Niels said, putting his arm around David’s shoulders. “Always so concerned about making sure everybody followed the rules.”
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“I don’t remember that,” David said, looking at his mother. “I do remember when I tried to saddle him myself.” David started laughing, Marie and Niels just shaking their heads. “Grandpa kept promising me he’d show me how, and I just got tired of waiting. What was I? Eight or nine? Put the saddle on without the blanket or knowing how to fasten the straps. And poor King, he didn’t put up a fuss or anything. Just let me get on and stood there while the saddle slipped sideways and I broke my collarbone.” “Opa was so mad at you,” Marie said to her son. “Kept yelling at me in German to be more strict with you.” David noticed his mother’s face grow a little more solemn. “But I didn’t have the heart. You were so upset at yourself for having disappointed your Opa.” “Just like William.” Niels took his wife’s hand and led them to the next stall. “Marie? You remember me telling you about that time when William was not doing his homework, wanting to spend more and more time with Mountain Lion?” David saw Marie nod, then reach out her hand to stroke the white patch on Biscuit’s nose. “William spent almost an entire week doing extra chores to make it up to Jerry, even though neither of us had asked him to.” David stroked Biscuit’s nose. “Poor little boy was mortified when Jerry said he’d expected better from him.” David leaned against the stall and reached down for an apple, offering it to his mother. To his surprise, she took it and fed it to Biscuit. “I think that’s when I realized just how sensitive William was, and still is, actually.” David backed up a few steps. “And this,” he said as he patted Mountain Lion’s nose, “is Mountain Lion.” “Interesting name,” Marie observed. “Loewenberger.” David looked at his mother when she pronounced the surname with a perfect German accent. He’d long thought that his mother would have lost all of her German by now. “William named it after me,” David admitted, his cheeks heating a little. “Before you were born,” Marie stated softly, her good hand combing through Mountain Lion’s thick caramel mane, “Oma and Opa lost one of their horses. She was my favorite of all the horses. I’d
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gotten to name her. I was ten or eleven, I think.” David saw his mother shake her head and then reach out to pet the pony’s nose. “I didn’t have to think very hard. I named her Laura, after—” “Oma,” David whispered, staring at his mother intently. “What happened?” “She was a very smart horse,” Marie said, leaning against her husband. “I guess Papa hadn’t roped off her stall properly one night, and Laura got out and was running around the corral in the dark and did something to one of her hind legs.” Marie shook her head, not wanting to complete the story, David guessed. He knew that Laura probably had to be put down, then, especially if she’d been a work horse. “I’m sorry, Mom,” David whispered. She nodded and David showed them the ladder to Jerry’s studio. He watched his father help his mother climb the old ladder, thinking about the television program on efforts to save seals that he and Jerry and William had watched all those years ago. There had been one seal, Bob, who had had cancerous lesions on his mouth, preventing him from catching his own food. The veterinarians had had to euthanize Bob eventually. It had upset William so, but mainly because that had been the day when Cory had had to leave to live with his father’s sister. His father had been facing serious charges for trafficking and manufacturing drugs and Family Services had found Cory’s long-lost aunt. Neither David nor Jerry had been too upset—except for the pain it had caused William—because they’d known that Cory would be coming back in a week or two. Sara, the social worker who’d brought William, had been kind enough to point out a loophole that would enable Cory to return to the ranch, to become the brother William had always hoped he’d become. David followed his parents into Jerry’s studio, thinking about his mother at the same age as William had been when he learned a difficult lesson about life. And now, hearing his mother talk about Laura, learning that she’d named the horse after her own mother, David realized he’d perhaps always been too hard on his mother. He’d always
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assumed that his mother and Oma never got along, that his mother had always hated being from a poor farming family, but now he was beginning to think he’d been wrong. “I remember that piece you bought, Niels,” his mother was saying as David shook his head and returned to the present. “That piece you eventually put in your office.” She turned to David, a smile back on her face. “He brought this triptych home and wanted to hang it in the house. Well, it didn’t go with anything, so I refused.” David wasn’t sure where the story was in there, but he didn’t want to interrupt her; she was talking, so that was good enough for him. “There were other pieces that we purchased, though.” She turned to look at her son. “At the last two gallery showings that Jerry has done, we managed to get a couple of pieces that we quite liked,” she said turning to look at her husband. “Jerry is very talented,” David said, moving to show his parents the shelves full of sculptures. “Did I just hear my name?” All three heads turned at the sound of Jerry’s voice as he climbed up the ladder. David noticed his husband had showered and changed into a pair of dark slacks and a beautiful pale-blue button-down shirt. No matter what he wore, David found Jerry to be the most handsome man he’d ever laid eyes on. Jerry came over and put his arm around David’s waist as he listened to his husband. “Mom was just telling us how she and Dad have purchased several of your pieces.” “Really? Which ones? If you remember, of course.” “Two years ago, in Calgary, we purchased a sculpture entitled Midnight, and then just last year, we purchased a small canvas entitled… Niels? What was the name? Do you remember?” Marie looked over at Jerry and put a finger to her temple. “One of the dangers of getting old,” she said, explaining her terrible memory. Niels looked pensive for a moment and then snapped his fingers. “Time and Space I think it was called,” Niels said. “A beautiful piece
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with a giant red circle in the center of the canvas, with lines and spatter radiating out.” “Time in Space,” Jerry corrected. “Yes, sorry,” Niels said as he shook his head. “I was intrigued by the use of color and texture for that one.” “Piece I painted just after we got Cory back,” Jerry said to David. He turned to look at Niels and Marie. “Midnight was a piece I did years ago, though. It was a piece I did while I was showing William how to throw. Had him out here late one night, after he’d woken up from a nightmare. Brought him out here so he could see that the dark wasn’t something to be afraid of.” David leaned against his husband. It must have been before David had arrived on the scene, and David found his heart melting all over again for Jerry. Even then, he felt like saying to Jerry, even then you knew you were going to keep him forever, didn’t you? “William and Billie are waiting in the house,” Jerry said suddenly. “Why don’t we go and give you a tour of the house and you can meet Billie?” Jerry stood aside to let Niels and Marie pass, and squeezed David a little closer to his side. They followed David’s parents to the ladder, and David took the opportunity to whisper, “You’re an incredible man, Jerrod McKenzie.” Before descending the ladder, David looked up and saw the big grin on Jerry’s face, enjoying the little bit of color that had crept into his cheeks. David led his parents into the house. William and Billie stood near the door and welcomed them all. David watched his mother as William gave his Opa Niels a tight hug, wondering if she would allow the same thing after only meeting with William twice. To his utter amazement, his mother came forward, with arms open and hugged her adopted grandson and then bent at the waist to pet Billie. He shot a look to Jerry, who just stared, wide-eyed, at the whole tableau. But when William led his grandparents on a tour of the house, he turned to David, grabbed his arm and pulled him into the study.
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“What’s going on?” Jerry asked, his voice a mere whisper. “I’ve been preparing myself for days now to meet this cold and heartless monster.” “Stop it,” David smirked as he slapped Jerry’s chest. He stopped suddenly and looked into his husband’s eyes. “Is that the way I made her sound?” He felt an immediate wave of shame as he watched Jerry’s slow nod. “Maybe I’m the monster then,” he whispered, more to himself than to Jerry. “She told me about her favorite horse on the farm, when she was a little girl. She’d named it after Oma, after her mother.” David shook his head with disbelief. “And here I thought she’d always hated her own mother.” Jerry said nothing, only smoothed his hand up and down David’s arms, his handsome face showing the love and compassion it always did. After a few moments, Jerry pulled their bodies together and kissed the top of his husband’s head. “I guess it just goes to show that we never really know our own parents as anything but what we’ve created in our own heads.” “I feel like such an asshole,” David muttered into Jerry’s shoulder. “Nonsense,” Jerry eschewed. “But maybe you won’t let the same thing happen to your relationship with your mother, huh?” David nodded, promising himself that he would not let that happen. He wasn’t the same scared twenty-five-year-old who had, in his hurt and anger over being abandoned by his family, chosen to think that they were heartless and judgmental. He was now almost fifty, the same age his parents had been when they’d abandoned him, with his own family, his own hopes and dreams for his two boys. And as he walked with Jerry into the kitchen to gather everything for what he thought would be the final barbecue of the summer, David found himself hoping that there would be more—more summer, more barbecues, more nights like this during which he would be able to learn even more about the mother he’d dismissed as insensitive and unfeeling. He could see now that he’d dismissed her without even giving a moment’s thought to what she must have felt she’d lost when
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she learned her son was gay, would never marry, and would never give her grandchildren. As he and Jerry made their way outside to start the evening’s festivities, David was surprised to find himself whistling.
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Chapter 17 JERRY got up early Monday morning, but not because he had chores to do. Or a husband to do for that matter, either. Although waking up early to make love to David was probably his number one favorite thing to do because David was so much more sensitive in the morning. He loved the way his husband responded to him, writhed underneath him. He loved looking at the flushed skin and the kiss-swollen, slightly parted lips as David climaxed. No, there was nothing that Jerry loved more than doing a little early-morning loving on his man. This morning, however, Jerry had to be up early enough to make sure that everything would be ready for the symphony on Friday night. He would be up to his elbows today and tomorrow in visitors to the ranch and getting Cory and Tara squared away before they had to return to their life in Ontario. He had a car to arrange, hotel reservations to make—although he still wasn’t sure he would use them; it would depend on whether David wanted to leave William alone on the ranch. And most importantly, he had to figure out how he was actually going to surprise David with all of this. How am I going to be able to be here and then sneak out of the house to ring the doorbell and escort David to the car? He sneaked into the barn to make sure that the horses were taken care of and found that William must have set out new straw and food for them the night before. Jerry just stood there, looking at his collection of horses and shook his head. “God, but I love that boy,” Jerry muttered to the horses. King and Biscuit whinnied in approval while Jerry made his way over to Mountain Lion, stroking and petting the pony’s nose. “And you,” Jerry whispered. “I guess I don’t need to ask you how you feel about William. Do I?” Mountain Lion gave a quick snort, as if to say that the question was utterly ridiculous.
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“Okay, so I’m off to go and finish planning my surprise date with David,” Jerry said to the three horses, laughing when they all seemed to answer him with a collection of snorts or whinnies. He walked back to the house, just in time to begin making breakfast, and puttered around the kitchen collecting ingredients and dishes. It was just after seven, and he knew that David would be up in another ten or fifteen minutes, followed closely by William. Even though it was summer vacation, no one in the house had ever really gotten into the habit of sleeping in. Living on a ranch, there was always too much to get done. As he made the poached eggs that his men liked so much, he heard the first sounds upstairs, surprised when it was William who arrived to sit at the table first. Jerry popped some bread into the toaster and turned to greet his son. “Hey, chief,” Jerry said as he smiled at his son. “I thought you’d sleep a little later.” “I was going to, but then I woke up, and I couldn’t get back to sleep,” William said through a yawn. “Excited about another big date with that pretty gal of yours?” Jerry turned around to see William blushing. It wasn’t difficult to notice his son blush, considering how fair and blond he was. “Shut up,” William muttered, and Jerry just laughed. “Okay, no more teasing. I promise.” Jerry threw some bacon into the frying pan and set another place for David, William having sat down in front of the one intended for his other father. “I’m making your favorite.” Jerry looked around the floor, realizing that he hadn’t heard the familiar click-clack of Billie’s nails on the hardwood. “Hey, where’s your shadow?” “Thanks,” William said, yawning a second time. “She’s still sleeping, I guess.” “You might have to go for a nap before Anne gets here,” Jerry said, fetching the orange juice and milk from the fridge. “Can’t have you falling asleep when we’re out riding.” “You think she’s ready?”
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“Sure, no problem at all,” Jerry said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Remember what we did that first day you arrived on the ranch?” William laughed, looking up at his father. “You lifted me up on Biscuit’s saddle and hooked your fingers into the back of my jeans, just in case I fell off,” William said, his laughter low and deep. Jerry found himself missing the way William used to giggle. After a moment, William’s voice was almost a whisper when he said, “I was so scared of you.” “I remember,” Jerry said, pulling out a chair while the bacon sizzled and the eggs cooked. “I thought you were the most lost little boy I’d ever seen.” Jerry shook his head, his eyes never leaving William’s. “You shook my hand when we met out there in front of the house, and you promised me you wouldn’t get underfoot, that you were sorry to be a bother.” Jerry looked down at the table, the tears coming to his eyes so quickly that he was caught off-guard. “I’ve never felt so ashamed of myself, making you feel like that.” “Dad?” William moved to sit beside Jerry. “What’s wrong? Don’t cry.” Jerry swiped at his eyes and looked up at his son, forcing a smile as he studied William’s worried expression. “I’m okay, son. Just too used to being by myself at that point. Didn’t want to have to change.” Jerry’s hand found its way to smooth the hair out of his son’s eyes. “But when I saw that smile after I promised to take you for a ride on the horses….” Jerry felt his smile grow even broader. “I wanted nothing more than to make you smile like that all the time.” Jerry got up and flipped the poached eggs onto some toast that was waiting, warm from the toaster, and turned the bacon. With the practiced skill of having made this breakfast thousands of times over the years, Jerry got everything set out on plates while he listened to his son. “And then David came, and I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. No family to having both of you.” William stared off at something, and Jerry wondered what he was looking at, but realized that he was replaying some treasured memory in his head. “Before I fell asleep every night and when I woke up every morning, I would pray so
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hard, pray that I could stay here. That I’d found someone who really wanted me.” Jerry sat back down, beside his son. He heard William’s voice crack, and he reached out to his son, wrapping his arms around him. “You want to know what’s funny?” Jerry pulled back and smiled for his son. “I prayed every day that I’d figure out how to be a good father. And then David showed up, and I figured it was a sign. Something was telling me that I’d better grab onto both of you with both hands and never let go.” “When you would take me for those psychologist appointments in the city, just after I arrived here? I would spend the entire time talking about you and the horses. How I wanted to be big and strong like you and how I wanted to stay and be with the horses.” William looked at his dad nervously. “And then when David came, I would talk about how happy you were whenever he was around.” “I thought you were supposed to be talking about your parents and stuff like that. Leaving the school and Frau Zimmerman.” “Oh, I did. It just never took up much time.” William looked at his dad, their hands still on each other’s shoulders. “I would always ask her if she could tell me how to be a good son so you’d want to keep me.” Jerry saw William’s cheeks flush at the admission. “She always told me just to be myself.” “Well, she was right, William.” Jerry reached out, letting his hand rest at the back of his son’s neck. “You’ve made David and I very happy, and proud. I couldn’t love you any more than if you were mine.” Jerry delighted in William’s smile, that flushed and happy look that William got on his face whenever Jerry praised him. “Now,” he said finally, pointing to the breakfast on the table. “Eat up. Busy day with that pretty girl of yours, yeah?” “Dad!” William rolled his eyes and glared, but Jerry only laughed.
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“SHEILA,” David said, his hand extended as Mrs. Hill and Anne got out of their car. “Thank you again for allowing Anne to come and visit.” “It’s not a problem,” Mrs. Hill said as she hugged her daughter. David saw Anne head straight for the barn and wondered how she’d known to check there first. “Won’t you stay for a coffee or a tea or something to eat, even? I baked fresh blueberry pies this afternoon.” “Oh my,” Mrs. Hill said, chuckling. “That does sound heavenly, but no, I should get home. I’ve some packing to do and some more errands to run before everything closes.” “Okay,” David said, shaking her hand one last time. “Are you sure we can’t drop Anne off for you? Save you a trip?” “No,” Mrs. Hill said, shaking her head. “I’ll be sure to come and get her at eight.” David waved as Mrs. Hill got in her car and pulled back onto the driveway. He checked his watch. Seven hours with William, he thought. Anne would never be able to blame her mother for not giving this a fair chance. He stepped up to the veranda and reached for the door just as it burst open and William, apologizing, ran past him for the barn, followed closely by one very excited Siberian Husky. “Guess I don’t need to tell him where she is,” David said, trying not to laugh as Jerry came outside to the veranda. “By the way,” David said, wrapping an arm around his husband’s waist. “I came down for breakfast this morning and decided to sit on the steps until you’d finished your talk with William.” “Heard that, did you?” “Every word,” David whispered, his arms wrapping tightly around his husband’s trim waist. “If I haven’t told you lately, Mr. McKenzie, I want you to know that you fill me with awe and wonder, every day.” David saw Jerry’s cheeks pink and his eyes dart away. He stepped in front of his husband, putting his hands on either side of the handsome face. “There are no words, Jerry, not in any language I speak, to tell you how happy you have made me, how happy you’ve
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made those boys. You’re our very own hero. Saved each and every one of us.” David brought their lips together slowly, a chaste but lingering kiss. When David pulled back, he saw Jerry’s eyes fill with unshed tears. Jerry just nodded and pulled David to his chest again. David could feel the shaky breathing against his own chest. He held on as tightly as he could to this man he loved more and more every day. How could he ever put into words what this man had done to three lost and lonely lives? He’d rescued William, David, and Cory, each of them living a life that they’d not wished on their worst enemies. But Jerry had had a very deep well of love and patience and kindness to share. And that’s exactly what he’d done every day for the last seven years. He’d worried and fought and consoled and loved and cried right along with the three souls he’d saved. And what finally brought the tears to David’s eyes was that Jerry had done all of this, thinking the entire time that he needed to be better at it, that he hadn’t been doing it well at all. David felt Jerry’s breathing calm and then he felt the big man pulling away. He looked up and saw the red eyes and the shy grin. “The feeling’s more than mutual. Told you before that you three saved me just as much as you think I saved you.” “Come on,” David said as he led Jerry to the swing on the veranda. “I just want to sit for a minute. Everyone’s been so busy lately. I just want to sit here and hold your hand.” Jerry said nothing further, but sat down, stretched an arm behind David’s head and placed his other on his thigh, palm up. He leaned over and kissed his husband when he felt David’s hand fall into his. “Cory and Tara doing last minute goodbyes?” David leaned his head back against the strong bicep and sighed. “They’re spending some time with Paulie and Wayde.” “We should probably invite Paulie over before school starts.” Jerry brought David’s hand up to his and kissed it softly. “I wonder how much longer he’s going to be able to keep that place running on his own.”
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“He’s a strong old fart,” David said with a chuckle. “And besides, he’s got Wayde for another year or so. And he’ll always have us.” “Yes, he will,” Jerry agreed, tucking David a little tighter into his side. They sat there, huddled close together, neither of them speaking as their eyes took in their surroundings. Their ranch, their house, their beautiful boy out in the corral with the girl he loved. They were content—tired, but content—to just sit and take it all in, enjoying the last few moments before there would be more food, more laughter, more time spent with their family.
WILLIAM made sure that Anne was steady on the saddle before venturing outside of the corral, promising her that he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. He’d asked her if she wanted to try riding King or Biscuit, but she’d just shaken her head and stayed by Mountain Lion’s stall. As they walked through the opened gate, William wondered if she wanted to ride Mountain Lion because it was his horse. He hoped she did. With his hand at the back of the saddle, William walked Mountain Lion and Anne out into the pasture that would lead to the lake, Billie staying close by. His father had given him permission this morning to take Anne out there so that he could show her the little body of water that had been the place where he’d shared so many wonderful memories with his two fathers. Before he could get to the well-worn path that ran parallel to the fence and the deserted township road that veered to the south and the lake, William pulled gently on the lead to stop Mountain Lion, both his and Anne’s heads turning as they saw the familiar car heading up the driveway. It was Anne’s parents’ car. Billie issued her single bark at the arrival, and William turned to face his girl. “What is my mother doing here?” Anne whispered the words, her confusion obvious to William.
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“I don’t know.” William shrugged, debating whether he should return or not. “Maybe it’s your dad?” “No,” Anne said, shaking her head. “He’s not back until tomorrow.” William decided to err on the side of caution, pulling on the lead again and guiding his horse back to the veranda. He called for Billie to follow. As he approached, he saw Mrs. Hill exit the vehicle. He waited to see if Mr. Hill was with her, but he wasn’t. Mrs. Hill was alone and already walking quickly to the veranda, but she was met halfway by Jerry and David. William’s heart sank as she pointed toward them. Had she changed her mind? Was she here to tell Jerry and David that she’d been wrong? That she didn’t trust him after all? He turned them around, telling Anne that it was probably nothing, and headed for the veranda. Jerry and David were nodding and then looking out to William as well. His hand moved to the small of Anne’s back as they grew close enough to hear the voices of the three adults. Mrs. Hill approached them, with David, while Jerry stayed near the veranda. William tried to smile as Mrs. Hill and David drew near. Billie sat at William’s feet, her confused gaze looking at everyone in turn. “What’s wrong?” William asked, trying not to sound overly concerned. “It’s nothing,” David said quickly, taking the lead from William’s trembling hand. “You two go with Mrs. Hill and wait over there with Jerry. Take Billie, William. I’ll take Mountain Lion back to the barn.” William nodded and helped Anne dismount, worried when he felt her shaking. “Mom, what’s wrong?” Anne’s voice was hesitant, and William could tell she would be in tears soon. He knew that voice, recognized it as the same voice he’d heard when she’d told him about the possible pregnancy, and when she’d run away from home promising that she would never go back.
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“I’ll explain,” Mrs. Hill said as she turned to William. “You’ll be able to finish your afternoon together. I promise.” William followed behind Anne and her mother as they made their way to where Jerry was standing on the veranda. He was glad for the comforting arm of his father around his shoulders as Mrs. Hill began to explain, glad also for the beautiful and loyal dog at his feet. “Your father came home early from his trip, sweetheart.” Mrs. Hill’s hand was stroking Anne’s back reassuringly. “You weren’t home.” William realized that Mrs. Hill had been bringing Anne here and letting her go to the movie behind Mr. Hill’s back. She hadn’t told him. “I tried reasoning with him, telling him how wrong he was to be treating you this way, but he wouldn’t listen.” Mrs. Hill looked to Jerry. “I told him that I was taking Anne and that we were leaving, and he became very angry.” William wasn’t sure if he’d heard correctly. Was Mrs. Hill taking Anne away somewhere? From the look on Anne’s face, William figured she’d not heard anything about this either. “Where are you going to take her?” William felt the reassuring squeeze on his shoulder, heard the fear and uncertainty in his own voice. “Mrs. Hill is leaving her husband, William.” Jerry looked at William briefly, then nodded at Anne. “Anne and her mother aren’t moving away. They’re just moving out to be away from Mr. Hill.” William felt the surge of relief flood his confused brain. He felt himself relax as he realized that he wasn’t losing Anne after all. “I’m so sorry,” Mrs. Hill said, her eyes darting between William’s and Jerry’s. “Jim threatened to call the police to report Anne as a runaway and to give them this address.” She shook her head and took a shaky breath. “I tried to stop him, but… they might be on their way right now.” Mrs. Hill hugged her daughter a little closer. “I got here as quickly as I could.” She turned to look at her daughter and William. “If the police do come, I’ll make sure they understand that it’s a false alarm.”
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“We’ll handle it,” Jerry said, turning to face his son. “Why don’t you take Anne back to the barn and stay close, just in case. No sense in ruining the afternoon, huh?” William smiled at his dad and held his hand out to Anne. She took it and the two of them headed back to the barn, crossing paths with David as he made his way back to the house. William bent down and patted Billie’s head, his hands caressing the thick, soft fur. “You two try and enjoy yourselves. This will all be over soon enough.” David smoothed the hair out of William’s eyes and then, flashing the smile that always made William feel better, headed back to join Jerry and Mrs. Hill. William turned around to see that Jerry and Mrs. Hill had moved to sit at the picnic table. He couldn’t help but wonder what all of this was doing to Anne. “I’m sorry about your parents,” he said softly, as he squeezed her hand and led her into the barn. “It doesn’t seem real sometimes,” Anne said, her voice nothing more than a whisper. “I love him, but I hate him.” Anne looked up at William. “Does that make sense?” Her confused expression softened when Billie licked her hand. She bent over quickly to give Billie a quick kiss. William nodded and hugged his girl. He didn’t really understand, but she didn’t need to hear that right now. William had the best dads in the world. They loved him, encouraged him, told him every day how happy they were to have him as a son. William would never understand what it felt like to both love and hate your father at the same time. He’d never felt anything but love for his family. William’s family had gotten him through some very rough times. And now he could see that it was his turn to give that to Anne. He would be strong for her, comfort her, help her to see what a family could be like. If William had his way, they wouldn’t have to wait too much longer and then Anne would become a part of his family.
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William smiled at that thought and looked at his girl’s sad face. “Come on,” he said, leading her to Mountain Lion’s stall. He turned and called to Billie. “You too, Billie.” He picked up the little wooden box he’d made with Jerry during his first week on the ranch, the one that contained all of the brushes for grooming a horse. “If you’re going to be spending time here, you should learn how to groom a horse.” William smiled when Anne just nodded and pulled herself closer to him. He took Mountain Lion’s lead and led his little band of followers out to the corral, tying the lead to a cross bar and then turning to face Anne. “Horses are just like people,” William started, but stopped when Billie barked. “Sorry, girl. Horses and dogs are just like people. They thrive when you love them and take care of them.” William noticed Anne’s blush. “I know it works ’cause I learned from the best.”
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Epilogue JERRY looked at the suit laid out on William’s bed. He thought this night would never get here. Everything was arranged, and all of the problems of the past couple of weeks had either been resolved or were looking to get there very soon. The police did not show up at the ranch that Monday afternoon, Cory and Tara were safely back in Ontario and resuming their shared lives, and Mrs. Hill had found a beautiful little condo near the outskirts of town. Anne was now only a short ten-minute drive away from the ranch. She’d been back to the ranch twice since Monday, her mother dropping her off and picking her up each time. Now it was Jerry and David’s night out. And out of all the drama these last couple of weeks had brought to the McKenzie-Loewenberger ranch, Jerry thought this would be the most difficult one for him. He was stressed, but not in a totally negative way. Even if their plan didn’t work, Jerry knew the evening would be a welcome relief for both him and David. But Jerry was fairly certain that the plan had a good chance of succeeding. Jerry and William had hatched this plan. William would keep David occupied while Jerry changed into his new suit and then sneaked out when the car arrived so that he could ring the doorbell and surprise his unsuspecting husband. Jerry was in William’s room changing when he heard his cell phone, and snatched it up quickly. He listened as the driver of the black town car explained that he was only minutes away. Shrugging into his new suit coat, Jerry took one last look at himself in William’s mirror and then tiptoed to the door, his new shoes in one hand. He cracked the door just enough to see nothing in the hall and then headed out, as quietly as he could, heading for the stairs. He
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heard William’s voice, his son asking questions about David’s thesis as the two of them sat in the living room. “I thought your father was joining us?” Jerry heard David’s voice, and couldn’t help the smirk that was growing on his lips. If he pulled this off—and it looked like he would—Jerry was going to make sure he did this more often. He hadn’t much liked some of the activities on that list David had asked for, but he was sure enjoying the hell out of this. “I’ll go see what’s keeping him,” William said, his voice getting closer and closer. “Come on, girl, let’s go find Dad.” Jerry had his shoes on, barely, and was pulling gently on the door by the time William and Billie appeared in the foyer. Jerry disappeared through the open door, and William closed it, just as quietly. “Dad?” William yelled from the foot of the stairs. “We’re waiting. Come on. Hurry up.” Jerry could hear William playing his part to perfection, glancing through the little window in the door. Jerry took a deep breath and reached out to punch the doorbell, hearing one bark from Billie. He noticed William duck into the office, signaling for Billie to follow, probably pretending to be upstairs so that David would have to come to the door. Jerry stood aside, away from the window, listening to David calling for him and William. When he heard the whoosh that the door always made when someone opened it, Jerry stepped out in front of the screen door and opened it. Jerry smiled and tried to contain his laughter at the look on his husband’s face. “Wha… Jerry, what are you… I thought you were upstairs.” David was stammering, and Jerry could see that the smaller man didn’t know whether to smile or frown or keep asking questions. “There’s one more activity that we can do together,” Jerry said as he stepped closer to David and put his arms around the trim waist. “I thought of it before we’d made the lists, but I figured it was more than appropriate.” Jerry noticed William come out of the office, his smile as big and broad as his own.
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“Happy date night, David.” Jerry saw William’s eyes dart between his and David’s. “Wha… I don’t….” Jerry reached into his suit pocket as the crunch on the gravel drew David’s attention to the driveway. He showed his husband the tickets for the symphony. “Two hours of romance,” Jerry said, his grin lopsided and his hand reaching for David’s. “I’m not dressed… what… how….” “You’ve got as much time as you need, baby. I’ll be waiting right here for you. Overture doesn’t start for another two hours.” David’s hands finally reached out and caressed Jerry’s new suit. “You bought a suit? Just for this?” He leaned forward and kissed his husband. “Date night,” he whispered as he turned to hug William. “You knew about this? And I never suspected a thing.” David bent to scratch Billie’s ears. “And you, did you know too?” Billie barked just once and David laughed. “Geez, I’ve got to get dressed.” Jerry and William and Billie watched as David ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time. William turned back to look at his dad. “We pulled it off,” he said as his dad stepped inside the house. “Of course we did,” Jerry said with a wink. “We’re McKenzies. McKenzie men are smart.” “And lucky,” William added as he reached out to adjust Jerry’s cerise tie. “And handsome,” Jerry said as he wrapped his arm around his son’s shoulders. “Now remember what I told you about locking up and making sure the barn’s closed before you go to bed.” “I won’t forget,” William said, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a sheet of paper. “I wrote it down, along with all the other things I have to check.” “That’s my boy,” Jerry cooed, studying his son’s brilliant blue eyes. “You have our cell numbers if you need them, and you know the hotel we’ll be staying at.” William nodded.
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“I’ll be right there,” David called as they heard his footsteps on the hardwood of the hallway. The footsteps became muffled, probably because of the carpet in the bedroom, but then were back in the hallway. “Are we coming home or do I need to pack something?” “Got it covered, mountain lion,” Jerry yelled and looked down at his son. “Have you heard from Anne yet?” “I got a text from her an hour ago,” William said, nodding his head. “They finished moving and they’ll be unpacking all weekend.” “Glad to hear they finally got out.” “Me too,” William sighed. “I can’t wait until she’s all unpacked, so I can see her again.” William looked up at his dad, and Jerry reached with his hand to smooth the hair out of his son’s eyes. “She’s getting to be a pretty good rider, huh?” “Yeah,” William said, Jerry noticing the pride on his face. “She had a good teacher,” Jerry said as he hugged William a little tighter, his son’s fair skin blushing. “Okay,” David said as he descended the stairs, blushing at the whistles from his men. “I’m glad you approve,” he said, bowing slightly. David hugged William—and Jerry figured he’d spend more time doing that than getting ready—and then bent down to love on Billie for a moment or two. “Make sure the doors are locked and… that… the….” He stopped talking when William held up the list. “Fair enough.” “Our chariot awaits,” Jerry said as he held out his arm for his husband. “You have our cell phone numbers, and….” David turned to Jerry and then back to their son. “Do you know where we’re staying?” “Yes,” William said, trying not to laugh. “Now, go. Have a good time. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jerry watched David open his mouth again, but William cut him off. “I know,” William laughed, finally. “I’ll make sure that King and Biscuit and Mountain Lion get their regular visits. Now go. Before I threaten to come with you.”
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David laughed, but stifled it when he saw Jerry glaring at him, his lopsided grin betraying any real indignation. Jerry and David turned when they were outside on the veranda, each of them taking his turn hugging their son and petting Billie before heading to the car, waving at William before the driver closed the back door. Once seated, Jerry took his husband’s hand. “Got some more good news today. We’ll have to get the boys together on the phone tomorrow so I can tell them that friend of mine is interested in publishing their graphic novel.” David clapped his other hand on top of Jerry’s. “Oh, man, they’re going to go crazy!” “And,” Jerry continued, “I found out from Kitty this morning that the show in Toronto is a go. So we’ll be able to make a little detour to Guelph to visit with Cory and Tara. Maybe take William out of school for a couple of days so we can all visit.” David just smiled and squeezed Jerry’s hand. “Best father in the world.” Jerry reached behind him, to the single rose he’d requested be in the car and handed it to David. “I know this isn’t exactly a physical activity, going to the symphony and all, but I figured we could both use a date night. Nice music, a few glasses of wine,” Jerry said, looking at his husband. “Do something just for you.” “It’s perfect,” David sighed. “Everything is just perfect.” “Nothing but the best for my husband,” Jerry said softly and then kissed David on the lips. “I love you, David. We raised two good men, we still have plenty of years to enjoy all the grandchildren that we’ll make sure we demand, and everything and everyone we love are still with us, and it looks like they’ll be with us for a while. Everyone’s happy and healthy, so fuck the rest of it, right?” David laughed, sliding closer to the man he would love for the rest of his days. “I love you too, Jerry,” David said, his hands caressing Jerry’s soft cheek and trimmed beard.
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“Good,” Jerry announced as he waggled his eyebrows. “’Cause as soon as the symphony is over, I’m taking you to a fancy hotel where you won’t need to cook and you won’t need to do laundry and you won’t need to worry about anything.” “Except not getting any sleep?” “I cannot lie. That is a distinct possibility, mountain lion.” “Good to know, cowboy.”
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About the Author
When D.W. MARCHWELL is not teaching future generations the wonders of science, he can usually be found hiking, writing, riding horses, trying new recipes, or searching for and lovingly restoring discarded antique furniture. A goofy and incurable romantic, D.W. admits that his stories are inspired by actual events and that he has a soft spot for those where boy not only meets boy but also turns out to be boy’s soul mate. After almost fifteen years of working his way across Canada, D.W. has finally found the perfect place to live at the foot of the Canadian Rockies. He still can’t believe how lucky he is, and, as his grandmother taught him, counts his blessings every day. Visit his website at http://www.marchwellbooks.ca/ You can contact him at
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