Reverie and Interpretation: Sensing Something Human

O t h e r Books by T h o m a s O g d e n Projective Identification and Psychotherapeutic Technique The Matrix ofthe...

Author: Thomas H. Ogden

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O t h e r Books by T h o m a s O g d e n

Projective

Identification

and

Psychotherapeutic

Technique The Matrix ofthe Mind: Object Psychoanalytic Dialogue The Primitive Subjects

of

Edge of Analysis

Relations

Experience

and

the

R e v e r i e

a n d

I n t e r p r e t a t i o n

Sensing

Something

THOMAS

H .

OGDEN,

Human

M . D .

v

V-

o \ JASON A R O N S O N INC. Northvale, New Jersey London

S

t

9

. # 3 3 / ? 9 7

Certain chapters in this book are based on prior publications ofthe author. He gratefully acknowledges permission from the following journals to reprint this previously published material. Chapter 2: "Analysing Forms of Aliveness and Deadness of the TransferenceCountertransference," International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 76:695-709, 1995 (Copyright © Institute of Psycho-Analysis). Chapter 3: "The Perverse Subject of Analysis, "Journal ofthe American Psychoanalytic Association, 44:1121-1146, 1996 (Copyright © The American Psychoanalytic Association). Chapters 4 and 5: "Reconsidering Three Aspects of Psychoanalytic Technique," The International Journal ofPsycho-Analysis, 77:883-899, 1996 (Copyright© Institute of Psycho-Analysis). Chapter 6: "Reverie and Interpretation," The Psychoanalytic Quarterly, 66:567-595, 1997 (Copyright © The Psychoanalytic Quarterly, Inc.). Chapter 7; "Some Thoughts on the Use of Language in Psychoanalysis," Psychoanalytic Dialogues, 7:1-21, 1997 (Copyright© The Analytic Press). Chapter 8: "Listening: Three Frost Poems," Psychoanalytic Dialogues, 7:619-639, 1997 (Copyright © The Analytic Press). The author also gratefully acknowledges permission to reprint: - in Chapter 2, the poem from yorg-e Luis Borges Selected Poems 1923-1967 by Jorge Luis Borges. Copyright © 1968, 1969, 1970, 1971, 1972 by Jorge Luis Borges, Emece Editores, S.A. and Norman Thomas DiGiovanni. Used by permission of Delacorte Press/Seymour Lawrence, a division of Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group, Inc. - in Chapter 8, the poems from The Poetry of Robert Frost, edited by Edward Connery Lathem. Copyright 1941, 1942 by Robert Frost. © 1970 by Lesley Frost Ballantine. © 1969 by Henry Holt & Co., Inc. Reprinted by permission of Henry Holt & Co., Inc. Director of Editorial Production: Robert D. Hack This book was set in 12 pt. New Baskerville byFASTpages of Nanuet, NY. Copyright © 1997 by Thomas H. Ogden. 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 AUrightsreserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from Jason Aronson Inc. except in the case of brief quotations in reviews for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, or broadcast. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Ogden, Thomas H. Reverie and interpretation: sensing something human / Thomas H. Ogden. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 0-7657-0076-X I. Psychoanalysis. 2. Psychoanalytic interpretation. I. Tide. RC509.O33 1997 616.89'17—dc21 97-9833 Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper. For information and catalog write to Jason Aronson Inc., 230 Livingston Street, Northvale, New Jersey 07647-1726. Or visit our website: http://www.aronson.com

In memory

of Jane

Hewitt,

whose vitality and love so Fierce and so that I will never know

were

tender their like

again

C

o

n

t e n

t s

1

O n t h e A r t o f Psychoanalysis

1

2

A n a l y z i n g F o r m s of Aliveness a n d D e a d n e s s

21

3

T h e P e r v e r s e S u b j e c t of Analysis

65

4

Privacy, R e v e r i e , a n d Analytic T e c h n i q u e

105

5

D r e a m Associations

135

6

Reverie a n d Interpretation

155

7

O n t h e U s e of L a n g u a g e i n Psychoanalysis

199

8

Listening: T h r e e Frost P o e m s

233

References

265

Index

277

Sitting in that chair, rocking a n d gazing at the wallpaper, o n e seemed to t u r n into a m e r e tangle of rising a n d falling t e n d r i l s t h a t w o u l d g r o w w i t h i n a c o u p l e of s e c o n d s f r o m n o t h i n g n e s s t o t h e i r full size a n d t h e n as r a p i d l y disappear into themselves again. R o b e r t Musil, Five Women,

1924

1 O n

t h e A r t

of

Psychoanalysis

W o r d s a n d s e n t e n c e s , like p e o p l e , m u s t b e a l l o w e d a certain slippage. I d o n o t m e a n to suggest that words, s e n t e n c e s ( a n d h u m a n b e i n g s ) c a n b e said t o m e a n ( o r b e ) a n y t h i n g w e wish t h e m t o m e a n ( o r b e ) . R a t h e r , I a m d r a w i n g a t t e n t i o n t o t h e stifling effect o n i m a g i n a t i o n o f o u r efforts t o d e f i n e , t o specify w i t h e v e r i n c r e a s i n g p r e c i s i o n , w h a t w e m e a n ( w h o we a r e ) . I m a g i n a t i o n d e p e n d s o n t h e p l a y o f possibilities. I n this v o l u m e , w o r d s a n d s e n t e n c e s a t t h e i r b e s t will b e o n l y l o o s e l y " f a s t e n e d t o t h e p a g e " ( F r o s t 1929, p . 7 1 3 ) . I will u s e w o r d s s u c h as "aliveness" a n d " d e a d n e s s , " " h u m a n " a n d " p e r v e r s e , " " s i n c e r e " a n d " i n a u t h e n t i c " w i t h o u t defini n g t h e m e x c e p t — a n d this is a l a r g e e x c e p t i o n — e x c e p t i n t h e way t h e y a r e u s e d i n s e n t e n c e s . I will a t d i f f e r e n t t i m e s u s e t h e w o r d s " e m p t y , " " s t a g n a n t , " "stale" a n d " s t i l l b o r n " t o talk a b o u t a n e x p e r i e n c e o f e m o t i o n a l d e a d n e s s . T h e r e a d e r m i g h t r e a s o n a b l y ask, " W h i c h o f

Reverie and Interpretation t h e s e f e e l i n g s o r states, if any, d o e s O g d e n h a v e i n m i n d w h e n h e speaks of e m o t i o n a l deadness? Moreo v e r , i s n ' t t h e very i d e a o f t h e experience of e m o t i o n a l d e a d n e s s a n o x y m o r o n ? " I will ask t h e r e a d e r t o allow m e ( a n d h i m s e l f ) r o o m in w h i c h a s e n s e of e m p t i n e s s m i g h t s l i d e i n t o a f e e l i n g of d e a d n e s s , a n d t h e n i n t o a d e a d n e s s of feeling, a n d t h e n b a c k again i n t o a n e x p e r i e n c e o f e m p t i n e s s , p i c k i n g u p s h a d i n g s of m e a n i n g a l o n g t h e way. I t is i m p o r t a n t t h a t w o r d s b e u s e d ( a n d r e a d ) in a way t h a t allows t h e i r a c c r u e d m e a n i n g s t o b e a l t e r e d by ( a n d t o affect) e a c h n e w e m o t i o n a l c o n t e x t in which they are spoken or written or read. It has increasingly s e e m e d to m e that t h e sense of aliveness a n d d e a d n e s s o f a g i v e n m o m e n t o f a n a n a lytic h o u r is p e r h a p s t h e m o s t i m p o r t a n t g a u g e of t h e analytic process. T h e a t t e m p t to use l a n g u a g e to capt u r e / c o n v e y a s e n s e o f this d e l i c a t e i n t e r p l a y o f aliven e s s a n d d e a d n e s s of h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e i n t h e a n a l y t i c setting represents a major challenge to contemporary p s y c h o a n a l y s i s a n d will b e a c e n t r a l c o n c e r n o f t h i s b o o k . A l t h o u g h this facet' of t h e analytic e x p e r i e n c e will n o t o c c u p y t h e f o r e g r o u n d o f e a c h c h a p t e r , it is m y h o p e t h a t it will b e felt t o lie in t h e w i n g s o f virtually every s e n t e n c e . In a t t e m p t i n g to capture s o m e t h i n g of t h e experie n c e o f b e i n g alive i n w o r d s , t h e w o r d s t h e m s e l v e s m u s t b e alive. W o r d s , w h e n t h e y a r e living a n d b r e a t h i n g , a r e like m u s i c a l c h o r d s . T h e full r e s o n a n c e o f t h e c h o r d o r p h r a s e m u s t b e a l l o w e d t o b e h e a r d i n all o f its s u g g e s tive i m p r e c i s i o n . W e m u s t a t t e m p t in o u r u s e o f lan-

On the Art of Psychoanalysis g u a g e , b o t h i n o u r t h e o r y - m a k i n g a n d in o u r analytic p r a c t i c e , t o b e m a k e r s of m u s i c , r a t h e r t h a n p l a y e r s of n o t e s . T o t h a t e n d , we h a v e little c h o i c e b u t t o a c c e p t t h a t a w o r d o r a s e n t e n c e is n o t a still p o i n t of m e a n i n g a n d will n o t s o u n d t h e s a m e o r m e a n t h e s a m e t h i n g a m o m e n t l a t e r . W h e n a p a t i e n t asks m e t o r e p e a t w h a t I h a v e j u s t said, I m a y tell h i m s o m e t h i n g t o t h e effect t h a t I c a n n o t s i n c e t h a t m o m e n t is g o n e . I a d d t h a t h e a n d I m i g h t try t o say s o m e t h i n g t h a t takes as its starting p o i n t his feeling a b o u t w h a t has j u s t o c c u r r e d . W o r d s a n d s e n t e n c e s , like p e o p l e , a r e f o r e v e r i n m o t i o n . T h e a t t e m p t t o fix t h e m e a n i n g s of w o r d s a n d s e n t e n c e s t u r n s t h e m i n t o lifeless effigies, i m m o b i l e s t a i n e d cells p r e s e r v e d o n l a b o r a t o r y slides t h a t a r e o n l y b a r e l y s u g g e s t i v e of t h e living tissue f r o m w h i c h t h e y c a m e . W h e n t h e l a n g u a g e o f analyst o r a n a l y s a n d b e c o m e s s t a g n a n t , it is n o l o n g e r o f a n y u s e in t h e task o f c o n v e y i n g a s e n s e o f living h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e . W h a t I a s p i r e t o i n t h e u s e o f l a n g u a g e in t h e analytic dial o g u e is c a p t u r e d i n A.R. A m n i o n s ' ( 1 9 6 8 ) c o m p a r i s o n o f living l a n g u a g e i n p o e t r y t o a walk: "A walk involves t h e w h o l e p e r s o n ; it is n o t r e p r o d u c i b l e ; its s h a p e o c c u r s , u n f o l d s ; it h a s a m o t i o n c h a r a c t e r i s t i c o f t h e w a l k e r " (p. 1 1 8 ) . W h a t it m e a n s t o b r i n g a p e r s o n , a f e e l i n g , a n i d e a , t o life i n w r i t i n g is t o b e f o u n d i n t h e reader's experience of reading or hearing t h e w o r d s a n d s e n t e n c e s b e i n g said ( w r i t t e n ) by t h e w r i t e r . T h i s is t h e c h a l l e n g e o f all l i t e r a t u r e a n d o f all analytic w r i t i n g s i n c e b o t h a r e f u n d a m e n t a l l y c o n c e r n e d w i t h t h e task o f u s i n g Ian-

Reverie and Interpretation g u a g e t o c a p t u r e s o m e t h i n g of h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e . If we as r e a d e r s c a n n o t s e n s e s o m e t h i n g h u m a n , h o w e v e r faint, in t h e e x p e r i e n c e of r e a d i n g a n analytic p a p e r , a p o e m , a n essay, o r a n o v e l , t h e n w e c o m e away e m p t y h a n d e d . T h e w o r k of t h e a n a l y t i c w r i t e r , like t h e w r i t e r o f p o e t r y o r fiction, b e g i n s a n d e n d s w i t h h i s effort t o c r e a t e in t h e l a n g u a g e t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f h u m a n aliveness. If a n a n a l y t i c w r i t e r c o n t e n t s h i m s e l f w i t h t a l k i n g " a b o u t " aliveness o r d e a d n e s s ( t h a t "stolid w o r d abouf [ W m . J a m e s 1890, p . 2 4 6 ] ) , h i s efforts will c e r t a i n l y b e i n v a i n . T h i s b o o k , if it is t o a c h i e v e a n y t h i n g o f its g o a l of c a p t u r i n g s o m e t h i n g of h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e in t h e a n a l y t i c s e t t i n g , m u s t a t t e m p t a t all t i m e s t o b e a n e x p e r i m e n t i n w h i c h t h e w r i t e r i n t h e a c t of w r i t i n g a n d t h e r e a d e r i n t h e a c t of r e a d i n g experiences a sense of aliveness t h a t exists i n t h e l a n g u a g e b e i n g u s e d . T h i s b o o k will b e o f v a l u e i n t h e s e n s e I a m d e s c r i b i n g t o t h e extent that the reader now a n d again has the experie n c e o f feeling w h a t aliveness is i n w h a t it feels like t o r e a d t h e s e n t e n c e s , o r as F r o s t ( 1 9 6 2 ) l i k e d t o p u t it, " t o say t h e l i n e s " (p. 9 1 1 ) . T h e r e a d e r m u s t d o a t least h a l f t h e w o r k in g a i n i n g f r o m t h e l a n g u a g e o f this b o o k a s e n s e of w h a t it is t o b e alive. " T h e p r o c e s s o f r e a d i n g is n o t a half-sleep, but, in highest sense, an exercise, a gymnast's struggle. . . . T h e r e a d e r is t o d o s o m e t h i n g f o r h i m s e l f , m u s t b e o n t h e alert, m u s t himself or herself instruct i n d e e d t h e p o e m , a r g u m e n t , history, m e t a p h y s i c a l e s s a y — t h e t e x t furnishing t h e hints, the clue, t h e start or framework" ( W h i t m a n 1871, p . 9 9 2 ) . T h e b l a c k a n d w h i t e s h a p e s

On the Art of Psychoanalysis o n the page a n d the white space that surrounds those m a r k i n g s are inert. T h e r e a d e r m u s t d o s o m e t h i n g with t h e m . H e m u s t actively, e v e n p a s s i o n a t e l y , e n g a g e w i t h the words in the act of using himself to create somet h i n g h u m a n of h i s o w n , in his o w n t e r m s . After all, w h a t terms, o t h e r t h a n o n e ' s own, are t h e r e with which t o c r e a t e a n e x p e r i e n c e t h a t is h u m a n ? A m o n g the m o s t astute c o m m e n t s c o n c e r n i n g what it m e a n s for a n analysis t o b e alive h a s c o m e (as o n e m i g h t e x p e c t ) , n o t f r o m a n analyst, b u t f r o m a novelist a n d essayist, s p e a k i n g in 1 8 8 4 a b o u t t h e a r t of fiction: T h e g o o d h e a l t h of a n art which u n d e r t a k e s to r e p r o d u c e life m u s t d e m a n d t h a t it b e p e r f e c t l y free; I t lives u p o n e x e r c i s e a n d t h e very m e a n i n g o f e x e r c i s e is f r e e d o m . T h e o n l y o b l i g a t i o n t o w h i c h i n a d v a n c e we m a y h o l d a n o v e l , w i t h o u t i n c u r r i n g t h e a c c u s a t i o n o f b e i n g a r b i t r a r y , is t h a t it b e i n t e r e s t i n g . [ H e n r y J a m e s 1884, p . 4 9 ] J a m e s ' s t a t e m e n t a b o u t t h e n o v e l ( a n d implicitly a b o u t t h e relationship of writer a n d r e a d e r ) h a s import a n t r e l e v a n c e t o t h e a r t of psychoanalysis a n d t o t h e u n d e r s t a n d i n g of t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p of analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d . T h e i d e a t h a t a b o v e all a n analysis m u s t b e i n t e r e s t i n g is for m e b o t h self-evident a n d a r e v o l u t i o n ary c o n c e p t i o n (cf. Phillips 1 9 9 6 ) . T o b e i n t e r e s t i n g , t h e analysis m u s t b e free t o " e x e r c i s e , " t o s h a p e itself a n d b e g i v e n s h a p e i n a n y way t h a t t h e p a r t i c i p a n t s a r e a b l e t o i n v e n t . T h e f r e e d o m t o " e x e r c i s e " is t h e free-

Reverie and Interpretation d o m t o e x p e r i m e n t : "Art lives u p o n d i s c u s s i o n , u p o n e x p e r i m e n t , u p o n curiosity, u p o n variety o f a t t e m p t , u p o n t h e e x c h a n g e o f views a n d t h e c o m p a r i s o n o f s t a n d p o i n t s " ( H . J a m e s 1884, p p . 44-45). W h e n t h e analysis is alive, it u n s e l f c o n s c i o u s l y m a n a g e s f o r p e r i o d s o f t i m e t o b e a n e x p e r i m e n t t h a t h a s left t h e well c h a r t e d w a t e r s o f p r e s c r i b e d f o r m ; it is a d i s c u s s i o n f u e l e d by curiosity a n d by variety o f a t t e m p t ; it is a n e n d e a v o r that d e p e n d s u p o n g e n u i n e e x c h a n g e of views a n d c o m p a r i s o n o f s t a n d p o i n t s . Analysis t h a t h a s b e c o m e a r o u t i n i z e d f o r m in w h i c h " k n o w l e d g e " is c o n v e y e d f r o m analyst t o a n a l y s a n d is u n i n t e r e s t i n g ; it is n o l o n g e r a n e x p e r i m e n t s i n c e t h e a n s w e r s , a t least in b r o a d outline, are known from t h e outset. T h e form of a n o v e l a n d o f a n analysis m u s t n o t b e p r e - s c r i b e d . T o d o s o is t o f o r e c l o s e e x p e r i m e n t : T h e f o r m , it s e e m s to m e , is t o b e a p p r e c i a t e d after t h e fact: t h e n t h e a u t h o r ' s c h o i c e h a s b e e n m a d e . . . ; t h e n we c a n follow lines a n d d i r e c t i o n s T h e exec u t i o n b e l o n g s to t h e a u t h o r a l o n e ; it is w h a t is m o s t p e r s o n a l t o h i m , a n d we m e a s u r e h i m by t h a t T h e a d v a n t a g e , t h e luxury, as well as t h e t o r m e n t a n d responsibility of a novelist is t h a t t h e r e is n o limit t o w h a t h e m a y a t t e m p t as a n e x e c u t a n t — n o limit t o his possible e x p e r i m e n t s , efforts, discoveries, successes. [ H . J a m e s 1884, p . 50] As is t h e case with t h e novel, t h e f o r m o f a n analysis c a n o n l y b e a p p r e c i a t e d in h i n d s i g h t . F o r e x a m p l e , a n

On the Art of Psychoanalysis analyst d o e s n o t p l a n t o play a r o l e in a p e r v e r s e s c e n e in a n analytic r e l a t i o n s h i p . T h e "script" o r f o r m of t h e p e r v e r s e s c e n a r i o is a r e f l e c t i o n o f t h e a n a l y s a n d ' s i n t e r n a l o b j e c t w o r l d a n d is given s h a p e as a n u n c o n s c i o u s i n t e r subjective c o n s t r u c t i o n of analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d . U n d e r s t a n d i n g of t h e m e a n i n g s of t h e f o r m is a l m o s t always r e t r o s p e c t i v e a n d this f o r m is i n d e e d w h a t is m o s t p e r s o n a l t o its a u t h o r s . W e ask a g r e a t d e a l o f ourselves as analysts a n d as a n a l y s a n d s in d e m a n d i n g t h a t we n o t rely o n "pre-scribed" form, that we a t t e m p t to b e o p e n to e x p e r i m e n t : " T h e r e is n o limit [in r a n g e , i n t e n s i t y a n d c o m p l e x i t y of feeling a n d t h o u g h t ] to w h a t h e [analyst o r a n a l y s a n d ] m a y a t t e m p t . " M o r e o v e r , we ask o f o u r selves t h a t we b e u n c o n s c i o u s l y available t o b e subjects i n t h e u n c o n s c i o u s e x p e r i m e n t o f t h e o t h e r . W e as analysts a t t e m p t t o r e n d e r ourselves u n c o n s c i o u s l y r e c e p t i v e , t o b e i n g m a d e u s e o f i n p l a y i n g a variety o f roles i n t h e u n c o n s c i o u s life of t h e a n a l y s a n d . U n c o n s c i o u s receptivity o f this s o r t ( B i o n ' s [ 1 9 6 2 a ] state of "reverie") involves (a p a r t i a l ) giving o v e r o f o n e ' s s e p a r a t e individuality t o a t h i r d subject, a s u b j e c t t h a t is n e i t h e r analyst n o r a n a l y s a n d b u t a t h i r d subjectivity u n c o n s c i o u s l y g e n e r a t e d by t h e analytic p a i r ( O g d e n 1 9 9 4 a ) . T o consistently offer o n e s e l f i n this way is n o small m a t t e r : it r e p r e s e n t s a n e m o t i o n a l l y d r a i n i n g u n d e r t a k i n g in w h i c h analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d e a c h t o a d e g r e e "loses his m i n d " (his capacity t o t h i n k a n d c r e a t e e x p e r i e n c e as a distinctly separate individual). It is o n l y i n t h e p r o c e s s o f t e r m i n a t i n g a n analysis t h a t analyst a n d analysand "retrieve" their separate

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Reverie and Interpretation

m i n d s , b u t t h e m i n d s "retrieved" are n o t t h e m i n d s of t h e individuals w h o h a d e n t e r e d into t h e analytic experience. T h o s e i n d i v i d u a l s n o l o n g e r exist. T h e analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d t h a t a r e " r e t r i e v e d " as s e p a r a t e i n d i v i d u als a r e t h e m s e l v e s in s i g n i f i c a n t ways n e w p s y c h o l o g i c a l e n t i t i e s h a v i n g b e e n c r e a t e d / c h a n g e d by t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e in a n d o f t h e third analytic subject ("the subject of analysis"). T h e analysand's e x p e r i e n c e of t h e d e a t h of t h e a n a l y s t p r i o r t o t h e p l a n n e d e n d i n g o f a fruitful analysis 1 r e p r e s e n t s n o t o n l y a n e x p e r i e n c e o f e n o r m o u s p e r s o n a l loss, b u t , as i m p o r t a n t , a n e x p e r i e n c e o f a t y p e of insanity. T h e analyst's d e a t h f o r e c l o s e s f o r the a n a l y s a n d t h e possibility o f fully r e t r i e v i n g h i s m i n d (a m i n d t h a t h a s n o t b e e n exclusively h i s o w n p e r s o n a l possession for s o m e time). T h e aspect of m i n d t h a t has (in p a r t ) b e e n "lost" is t h e m i n d t h a t h a s b e e n g e n e r a t e d a n d d e v e l o p e d i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e l y . It is a m i n d t h a t c a n b e a p p r o p r i a t e d by t h e a n a l y s a n d o n l y g r a d u a l l y i n t h e course of a n u n i n t e r r u p t e d analytic e x p e r i e n c e . T h e d e a t h of t h e analyst r e p r e s e n t s a v i o l e n t d i s r u p t i o n o f " t h e p l a c e w h e r e [ t h e a n a l y s a n d ] lives" ( W i n n i c o t t 1971a). T h e (impossible) responsibility o f t h e analyst t o stay alive f o r t h e e n t i r e t y o f t h e analysis is a h e a v y o n e a n d c o n s t i t u t e s o n e of t h e s t r a i n s o f t h e p r o f e s s i o n

1. The idea of a "fruitful" analysis is to be differentiated from the illusory conception of a "completed" analysis that has been brought to a successful termination after the transference conflicts and distortions have been successfully "resolved."

11

t h a t I t h i n k h a s n o t b e e n sufficiently r e c o g n i z e d . W e u n d e r e s t i m a t e t h e p r e s s u r e g e n e r a t e d by t h e analyst's (largely u n c o n s c i o u s ) k n o w l e d g e t h a t h e ( a l o n g with a l m o s t every p a r e n t ) h a s i m p l i c i d y p r o m i s e d w h a t h e c a n n o t possibly g u a r a n t e e — t o stay alive l o n g e n o u g h for t h e analysand (or child) to r e t r i e v e / c r e a t e a m i n d o f h i s o w n c a p a b l e of g e n e r a t i n g a s e p a r a t e p l a c e in w h i c h t o live t h a t is o u t s i d e of, a n d yet n e v e r c o m p l e t e l y s e p a r a t e f r o m , t h e s h a r e d m e n t a l s p a c e in w h i c h h e has grown up. T h e a r t o f analysis is a n a r t f o r m t h a t r e q u i r e s n o t o n l y t h a t w e s t r u g g l e with t h e p r o b l e m of c r e a t i n g a p l a c e w h e r e analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d m i g h t live, b u t also r e q u i r e s t h a t w e d e v e l o p a u s e of l a n g u a g e a d e q u a t e t o g i v i n g v o i c e t o o u r e x p e r i e n c e o f w h a t life feels like i n t h a t e v e r shifting p l a c e . W e ask o f o u r s e l v e s ( a n d of o u r a n a l y s a n d s ) t h a t w e a t t e m p t t o s p e a k i n o u r o w n voice w i t h o u r o w n w o r d s , f o r this is a very l a r g e p a r t of w h a t allows analysis t o b e a h u m a n e v e n t . " T h e e x e c u t i o n b e l o n g s t o t h e a u t h o r a l o n e ; it is w h a t is m o s t p e r s o n a l t o h i m . . . ." P a r a d o x i c a l l y , it r e q u i r e s a g r e a t d e a l of t r a i n i n g a n d e x p e r i e n c e t o b e a b l e t o talk i n a way t h a t feels a n d s o u n d s s p o n t a n e o u s , u n p r a c t i c e d , u n c o n trived, u n d i c t a t e d by analytic c o n v e n t i o n o r p r e s c r i p tion. T h i s is n o t s i m p l y a m a t t e r of t h e a n a l y s t ' s g r o w i n g , o v e r t h e c o u r s e o f time, t o feel m o r e f a m i l i a r w i t h , a n d c o m f o r t a b l e i n , t h e r o l e o f analyst. A n analyst at any stage of his c a r e e r may c o m e to substitute for t h e s o u n d of his o w n v o i c e a n d t h e c h o i c e of h i s o w n w o r d s t h e stale f o r m u l a i c s o u n d of " a c c e p t e d " t e c h n i q u e as

12

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d e f i n e d by a n affiliation t o a s c h o o l of a n a l y t i c t h o u g h t o r by a c o n s c i o u s o r u n c o n s c i o u s i m i t a t i o n o f o r i d e n t i fication with his own analyst(s), supervisors, o r o t h e r analysts w h o m h e c u r r e n t l y r e s p e c t s a n d a d m i r e s . It is a very g r e a t a c h i e v e m e n t i n d e e d f o r a n a n a l y s t t o d e v e l o p t h e c a p a c i t y t o "simply talk" t o h i s a n a l y s a n d . T h e i d e a o f "simply t a l k i n g " m i g h t b e t h o u g h t of as t h e a n a l o g u e t o F r e u d ' s ( 1 9 1 2 ) i n s t r u c t i o n t o t h e analyst: "Simply listen" ( p . 1 1 2 ) . S o o f t e n t h e r a p i s t s a n d analysts s p e a k i n a " t h e r a p e u t i c v o i c e " ( p a r o d i e d i n a n o f t e n d i s c o n c e r t i n g l y a c c u r a t e way i n films s u c h as Annie Hall a n d Sex, Lies and Video Tape). S u c h stiff t h e r a p e u t i c t o n e s a r e like t h o s e h e a r d in n o o t h e r form of h u m a n discourse. L e a r n i n g t o talk with p a t i e n t s w i t h a v o i c e o f o n e ' s own a n d with words of o n e ' s own requires t h a t o n e l e a r n t o h e a r a n d t o u s e " t h e living s o u n d s of s p e e c h " ( F r o s t 1915, p . 6 8 7 ) : " t h e vital t h i n g t h e n i n all c o m p o s i t i o n , i n p r o s e a n d v e r s e . . . is t h e A C T I O N o f t h e v o i c e . . . . G e t t h e stuff o f life i n t o t h e t e c h n i q u e o f your writing. T h a t ' s t h e only escape from dry rhetoric" ( p . 6 8 8 ) . I t is a l s o t h e a n a l y s t ' s o n l y e s c a p e f r o m d r y "therapeutic" rhetoric, or d e a d language. T h e analyst's s p e e c h m u s t b e t h e c r e a t i o n o f a p e r s o n w h o is alive i n t h a t m o m e n t . L i v i n g h u m a n s p e e c h is as difficult t o c o m e by in t h e a n a l y s t ' s s p o k e n u s e o f l a n g u a g e as it is in written p r o s e o r verse. S o m e years l a t e r , F r o s t ( 1 9 2 9 ) e x p a n d e d o n t h e i d e a o f "Jiving s o u n d s of s p e e c h " :

On the Art of Psychoanalysis

13

E v e r y t h i n g w r i t t e n is as g o o d as it is d r a m a t i c . . . . A d r a m a t i c necessity goes d e e p i n t o t h e n a t u r e o f t h e sentence. Sentences are n o t different e n o u g h to h o l d the attention unless they are dramatic. N o i n g e n u i t y o f v a r y i n g s t r u c t u r e will d o . All t h a t c a n save t h e m is t h e s p e a k i n g t o n e of voice s o m e h o w e n t a n g l e d i n t h e w o r d s . . . f o r t h e e a r of t h e i m a g ination. [p.713] I n t h i s p a s s a g e , F r o s t ' s w o r d " d r a m a t i c " is itself d r a m a t i c . I t is a w o r d t h a t is u n e x p e c t e d a n d c o n v e y s a g o o d d e a l o f w h a t F r o s t calls t h e " f e t c h i n g " ( 1 9 1 8 , p . 6 9 4 ) u s e of e v e r y d a y w o r d s , s o m e h o w t r a n s f o r m e d i n t o newly m a d e words (words "fetched" from t h e i r customary place). T h e word "dramatic" has been n e w l y m a d e h e r e s o t h a t it n o l o n g e r m e a n s h i s t r i o n i c , h y s t e r i c a l , s h o c k i n g , flashy, g l a m o r o u s , t h e a t r i c a l , a n d t h e like. It s e e m s m o r e t o s u g g e s t t h a t t h e l a n g u a g e is p e r s o n a l , u n i q u e t o t h e p e r s o n s p e a k i n g it, p a r t i c u l a r t o t h e s i t u a t i o n i n w h i c h it is s p o k e n a n d t o t h e p e r s o n t o w h o m it is s p o k e n . As a r e s u l t , " d r a m a t i c " s p e e c h ( q u i t e t h e o p p o s i t e o f b e i n g s t a g e d ) is a h i g h l y reveali n g a n d i n t i m a t e use of l a n g u a g e in t h a t o n e has offered a n d e n t r u s t e d to a n o t h e r p e r s o n s o m e t h i n g t h a t o n e h a s m a d e for him t o u s e as h e will. I t is a u s e o f l a n g u a g e t h a t is r i s k - t a k i n g i n t h a t it asks s o m e t h i n g of t h e listener in t h e process of m a k i n g s o m e t h i n g for h i m . I n b e i n g alive a n d p r e s e n t i n o n e ' s l a n g u a g e , i n h a v i n g " o n e ' s s p e a k i n g t o n e of v o i c e s o m e h o w . . . e n t a n g l e d i n t h e w o r d s , " t h e s p e a k e r asks t h a t a n

14

.Reverie and Interpretation

a s p e c t o f h i m s e l f b e r e c o g n i z e d "by t h e e a r o f t h e [listener's] imagination." T o have one's attempts to speak "dramatically" ( i n t i m a t e l y a n d p e r s o n a l l y ) g o u n h e a r d a n d u n u s e d is n o s m a l l e v e n t f o r e i t h e r analyst o r a n a l y s a n d . W h e n t h e a n a l y s t ' s w o r d s g o u n h e a r d , it is a n i s o l a t i n g , frustrating a n d disappointing event. W h e n t h e analysand's w o r d s ( a n d t h e a s p e c t o f h i m s e l f t h a t is e n t a n g l e d in his w o r d s a n d s p e a k i n g t o n e o f voice) g o u n h e a r d by t h e analyst, it is a far m o r e s e r i o u s m a t t e r : it is a reflect i o n o f t h e fact t h a t t h e analyst, f o r t h e m o m e n t , is n o l o n g e r a b l e t o p r o v i d e " a n i m a g i n i n g e a r , " a living h u m a n p r e s e n c e t o b e with a n d t o b e t a l k e d to. T h e a n a l y s a n d ' s self-protective w i t h d r a w a l will a l m o s t cert a i n l y follow (for e x a m p l e , in t h e f o r m o f a c t i n g - i n o r acting out, somatization, reliance on manic, paranoid, a n d a u t i s t i c d e f e n s e s , a n d s o o n ) . S u c h is t h e n a t u r e o f h u m a n d i s c o u r s e : a l a p s e o f this s o r t o n t h e p a r t o f t h e a n a l y s t is p a i n f u l , b u t n o t t r a g i c . It is p a r t o f t h e r h y t h m o f a n a l y t i c d i s c o u r s e a n d o f all o t h e r f o r m s o f h u m a n d i s c o u r s e . H o w e v e r , if this p a t t e r n c o n t i n u e s u n a b a t e d a n d u n e x a m i n e d in a n analytic s e t t i n g , s o m e t h i n g far m o r e d e s t r u c t i v e t o t h e analysis is set in m o t i o n . W h e n t h e analyst is u n a b l e t o a n a l y z e t h e u n c o n s c i o u s t h o u g h t s , feelings, a n d s e n s a t i o n s ( o f t e n m a n i f e s t e d in t h e analyst's reverie e x p e r i e n c e ) that are p r e v e n t i n g h i m f r o m l i s t e n i n g freely a n d i m a g i n a t i v e l y , a g u l f b e t w e e n t h e analyst a n d t h e a n a l y s a n d grows. U n t i l this s t a t e o f affairs is r e c o g n i z e d a n d f o l d e d i n t o t h e selfreflective w o r k o f t h e analysis, e i t h e r t h r o u g h c o u n t e r -

On the Art of Psychoanalysis

15

t r a n s f e r e n c e analysis, o r t h r o u g h t h e p a t i e n t ' s successfully b r i n g i n g t h e m a t t e r t o t h e a w a r e n e s s o f t h e analyst, g e n u i n e a n a l y t i c w o r k h a s c o m e t o a n e n d . S u c h i m p a s s e s o f t e n r e q u i r e t h a t t h e analyst s e e k c o n s u l t a t i o n o r f u r t h e r p e r s o n a l analysis. As will b e d i s c u s s e d in l a t e r c h a p t e r s , I believe t h a t t h e analytic task m o s t f u n d a m e n t a l l y involves t h e effort of t h e a n a l y t i c p a i r t o h e l p t h e a n a l y s a n d b e c o m e h u m a n in a fuller s e n s e t h a n h e h a s b e e n a b l e t o a c h i e v e t o this p o i n t . T h i s is n o a b s t r a c t , p h i l o s o p h i c a l q u e s t ; it is a r e q u i r e m e n t of t h e s p e c i e s as basic as t h e n e e d for f o o d a n d air. T h e effort t o b e c o m e h u m a n is a m o n g t h e very few t h i n g s i n a p e r s o n ' s life t h a t m a y o v e r t i m e c o m e t o feel m o r e i m p o r t a n t t o h i m t h a n h i s p e r s o n a l survival. A g a i n , I will t u r n t o a p o e t a n d p l a y w r i g h t t o p r o v i d e l a n g u a g e w i t h w h i c h t o c o n v e y a s e n s e o f t h e way i n w h i c h t h e survival of t h e i n d i v i d u a l is q u i t e d i f f e r e n t f r o m the experience of b e i n g alive. G o e t h e ' s F a u s t ( 1 8 0 8 ) is f o r m e o n e of t h e m o s t p o w e r f u l e x p r e s s i o n s in l i t e r a t u r e of t h e b a t t l e for life as a h u m a n b e i n g . T h e c o m p l e x i t y of Faust is lost w h e n t h e p r o t a g o n i s t is v i e w e d as a m a n w h o " m a k e s a d e a l with t h e devil" i n w h i c h h e t r a d e s his s o u l f o r u n r e s t r i c t e d access t o life's pleasures ( m a n y of which are "forbidden" sensual pleas u r e s ) . T h e o p e n i n g s c e n e s o f Faust I t o m y m i n d p r e s e n t a far m o r e i n t e r e s t i n g a n d c o m p l e x c h a r a c t e r a n d d i l e m m a . W e a r e i n t r o d u c e d t o F a u s t as a m a n w h o is i n a state of d e e p d e s p a i r after h a v i n g d e v o t e d h i s life t o s t u d y i n g " P h i l o s o p h y , Law, M e d i c i n e — a n d w h a t is

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w o r s t — T h e o l o g y . " "Yet I a m a w r e t c h e d f o o l / a n d still n o wiser t h a n b e f o r e . " "I g e t n o j o y f r o m a n y t h i n g . " " N o d o g w o u l d w a n t t o l i n g e r o n like this." It takes s o m e time for t h e r e a d e r / a u d i e n c e to g e t a s e n s e of t h e s o u r c e s o f this d e s p a i r . Faust h a s s t u d i e d in vain a n d h a s c o m e t o view G o d as useless t o h i m , n o t b e c a u s e h e w a n t s t o b e c o m e m o r e t h a n h u m a n in o r d e r t o g a i n access t o p l e a s u r e s f o r b i d d e n t o m o r t a l m e n . Q u i t e t h e c o n t r a r y . W h a t F a u s t l o n g s for is t o b e a m o r t a l m a n ( t h e very t h i n g h e feels t h a t G o d h a s d e n i e d h i m ) . M e p h i s t o p h e l e s fails t o u n d e r s t a n d this a n d offers h i m u n e n d i n g earthly delights ('You can sample whatever y o u like"), b u t F a u s t is n o t i n t h e least i n t e r e s t e d i n t h e p r o s p e c t o f b e i n g a b l e t o " s n a t c h w h a t suits [his] p a s s i n g fancy." F a u s t y e a r n s n o t for a p r i v i l e g e d p l a c e o u t s i d e o f h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e a n d t i m e , b u t r a t h e r seeks a p l a c e w i t h i n it: "Let's p l u n g e i n t o t h e t o r r e n t s o f t i m e / i n t o t h e w o r l d o f eventful e x p e r i e n c e " (p. 4 5 ) . F a u s t g o e s o n : a n d I ' m resolved my m o s t i n m o s t b e i n g shall s h a r e i n w h a t ' s t h e l o t o f all m a n k i n d t h a t I s h a l l u n d e r s t a n d t h e i r h e i g h t s a n d d e p t h s , s h a l l fill m y h e a r t w i t h all t h e i r j o y s a n d griefs, a n d s o e x p a n d m y s e l f t o t h e i r s a n d , l i k e t h e m , suffer s h i p w r e c k too. [p. 46] F a u s t feels t h a t h e h a s n o t e x p e r i e n c e d w h a t it is t o b e h u m a n ( " t h e l o t o f all m a n k i n d " ) a n d u s e s t h e w o r d s " t h e i r " a n d " t h e m " i n a way t h a t reflects h i s feeli n g that h e occupies a position outside of h u m a n k i n d .

On the Art of Psychoanalysis

17

G o e t h e ' s f r a m i n g o f F a u s t ' s d i l e m m a i n this way c a p t u r e s f o r m e w h a t is m o s t b a s i c t o t h e t h e r a p e u t i c task of p s y c h o a n a l y s i s : t h e effort t o c r e a t e c o n d i t i o n s i n which a particular type of discourse m i g h t take place in w h i c h t h e a n a l y s a n d a n d t h e analyst a t t e m p t t o e n h a n c e t h e i r c a p a c i t y t o t a k e p a r t in "eventful e x p e r i e n c e , " t o e x p e r i e n c e a full r a n g e o f " t h e j o y s a n d griefs, t h e h e i g h t s a n d d e p t h s " of h u m a n e m o t i o n . A l t h o u g h t h e c a p a c i t y t o b e h u m a n i n this s e n s e is v i e w e d by F a u s t as " t h e l o t of all m a n k i n d , " F a u s t d o e s n o t yet u n d e r s t a n d (or, p e r h a p s m o r e accurately, cann o t b e a r the thought) in these o p e n i n g scenes that the inability t o b e fully h u m a n is itself a n a s p e c t o f " t h e l o t o f all m a n k i n d . " All m a n k i n d is e x c l u d e d t o v a r y i n g d e g r e e s from "eventful e x p e r i e n c e " a n d in t h e desperation a n d f r u s t r a t i o n t h a t we s h a r e with F a u s t i n o u r efforts t o b e c o m e m o r e fully h u m a n , w e e a c h m a k e o u r o w n s i l e n t (largely u n c o n s c i o u s ) "deals" with o u r s e l v e s . T h e s e "deals" (which in technical terms m i g h t b e called "pathological solutions") are n o t m a d e for t h e p u r p o s e o f b e c o m i n g s u p e r - h u m a n ( w h i c h is t o b e c o m e n o n - h u m a n ) , b u t for t h e p u r p o s e of b e c o m i n g m o r e fully h u m a n . H o w e v e r , i n u n c o n s c i o u s l y m a k i n g t h e s e " d e a l s " w i t h o u r s e l v e s , we u n w i t t i n g l y e n t e r m o r e d e e p l y i n t o t h e n o n - h u m a n — t h a t is, i n t o f o r m s o f s u b s t i t u t i o n f o r life t h a t superficially a p p e a r h u m a n , b u t u l t i m a t e l y d o n o t feel e i t h e r h u m a n . o r alive. F o r e x a m p l e , as will b e d i s c u s s e d i n C h a p t e r 3, t h e p e r v e r s e i n d i v i d u a l a t t e m p t s t o b r i n g h i m s e l f t o life by m e a n s o f compulsively scripted forms of sexual e x c i t e m e n t only

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t o f i n d t h a t i n s t e a d o f c r e a t i n g life f o r h i m s e l f , h e h a s imprisoned himself in a n internal a n d external object w o r l d t h a t is a n u n c h a n g i n g i m i t a t i o n ( a n d o f t e n a bitt e r m o c k e r y ) of living h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e . P e r v e r s e i n d i v i d u a l s a r e by n o m e a n s t h e o n l y p e o ple w h o e n t e r i n t o u n c o n s c i o u s deals with themselves. T h e u n c o n s c i o u s d e a l s we all m a k e w i t h o u r s e l v e s a r e p s y c h o l o g i c a l e v e n t s in w h i c h we, f o r e x a m p l e , t r a d e f r e e d o m for safety, aliveness for c e r t a i n t y . O f c o u r s e , t h e safety a n d c e r t a i n t y t h a t we s e c u r e f o r o u r s e l v e s a r e illusory, b u t we rely heavily o n o u r illusions. F o r e x a m p l e , we a r e , I b e l i e v e , i n c a p a b l e o f b o t h m a i n t a i n i n g o u r sanity a n d g e n u i n e l y e x p e r i e n c i n g o u r o w n m o r t a l ity. R e g a r d l e s s of t h e e n o r m i t y of t h e effort t h a t w e m i g h t m a k e , we i n v o l u n t a r i l y a v e r t o u r g a z e a t t h e last m o m e n t . I n t h a t i n s t a n t o f t u r n i n g away, w e (in fantasy) b e c o m e i m m o r t a l a n d o m n i p o t e n t a n d t o t h a t d e g r e e b e c o m e less fully alive in t h e u n b e a r a b l e i n t e n sity a n d i m m e d i a c y of t h e p r e s e n t m o m e n t . F r o m this p e r s p e c t i v e , every f o r m o f p s y c h o p a t h o l ogy, h o w e v e r e x t r e m e o r h o w e v e r s u b t l e ( a n d u n i v e r sal), m i g h t b e t h o u g h t of as r e p r e s e n t i n g a f o r m o f u n c o n s c i o u s self-limitation of o n e ' s c a p a c i t y t o e x p e r i e n c e b e i n g alive as a h u m a n b e i n g . T h e l i m i t a t i o n o f t h e i n d i v i d u a l ' s c a p a c i t y t o b e alive m a y b e m a n i f e s t e d i n a m u l t i t u d e of f o r m s i n c l u d i n g a c o n s t r i c t i o n o f o n e ' s r a n g e a n d d e p t h of feeling, t h o u g h t a n d bodily sensation, a restriction of o n e ' s dream-life a n d reverielife, a s e n s e o f u n r e a l n e s s in o n e ' s r e l a t i o n s t o o n e s e l f a n d t o o t h e r p e o p l e , o r a c o m p r o m i s e o f o n e ' s ability

On the Art of Psychoanalysis

19

t o play, t o i m a g i n e a n d t o u s e v e r b a l a n d n o n - v e r b a l symbols to c r e a t e / r e p r e s e n t o n e ' s experience. W e n o t only accept, b u t e m b r a c e these a n d o t h e r limitations of o u r c a p a c i t y t o b e alive w h e n t h e p r o s p e c t o f b e i n g m o r e fully alive as a h u m a n b e i n g is felt t o involve a f o r m o f p s y c h i c p a i n t h a t w e a r e afraid we c a n n o t e n d u r e . I n e m b r a c i n g t h e s e f o r m s of p s y c h o l o g i c a l d e a d n e s s , w e sacrifice a p a r t o f o u r s e l v e s f o r t h e survival o f t h e w h o l e , b u t find t h a t t h e " w h o l e " h a s b e e n s a p p e d o f a g o o d d e a l o f vitality in t h e p r o c e s s . W h e n I a t t e m p t t o find w o r d s t o d e s c r i b e o u r relationship t o o u r s e l v e s i n o u r efforts t o a v o i d e n t e r i n g i n t o t h e s e u n c o n s c i o u s "deals" with ourselves, I a m r e m i n d e d of F a u l k n e r ' s (1946) terse, darkly h u m o r o u s d e s c r i p t i o n o f C a d d i e , t h e f e m a l e p r o t a g o n i s t of The Sound and the Fury. " D o o m e d a n d k n e w it" (p. 1 0 ) . ( C a d d i e is n o t e v e n given t h e b e n e f i t o f a p r o n o u n i n this casually d a m n i n g v e r d i c t t h a t is s p i t o u t i n f o u r m o n o s y l l a b i c w o r d s . ) W e as analysts a r e s o m e h o w d i m l y a w a r e o f t h e way i n w h i c h we a r e " d o o m e d " ( o r a t least ill-fated) in o u r strivings t o b e c o m e fully h u m a n a n d i n o u r efforts t o assist t h e a n a l y s a n d in his a t t e m p t s t o d o so. N o n e t h e l e s s , it is in this effort t o b e c o m e m o r e fully h u m a n t h a t we a r e alive as analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d ; it is i n this e x p e r i m e n t t h a t t h e a r t o f p s y c h o a n a l y s i s lives. I n t h e c h a p t e r s t h a t follow, I e x p l o r e t h e ways i n w h i c h t h e analytic e x p e r i e n c e is a f a b r i c w o v e n f r o m t h e w a r p a n d t h e w o o f o f aliveness a n d d e a d n e s s , o f reve r i e a n d i n t e r p r e t a t i o n , o f privacy a n d c o m m u n i c a t i o n , o f i n d i v i d u a l i t y a n d intersubjectivity, o f t h e s e e m i n g l y

20

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ordinary a n d the deeply personal, of a f r e e d o m

to

e x p e r i m e n t a n d a g r o u n d e d n e s s in e x i s t i n g f o r m s , o f a love of i m a g i n a t i v e l a n g u a g e f o r itself a n d t h e u s e o f l a n g u a g e as a m e a n s t o a t h e r a p e u t i c e n d .

2 Analyzing

F o r m s a n d

of

A l i v e n e s s

D e a d n e s s

We'll hunt for a third tiger now, butlike The others this one too will be a form Of what I dream, a structure of words, and not The flesh and bone tiger that beyond all myths Paces the earth, I know these things quite well, Yet nonetheless some force keeps driving me In this vague, unreasonable, and ancient quest, And I go on pursuing through the hours Another tiger, the beast not found in verse. " T h e O t h e r Tiger," J.L. Borges, 1960 I h a v e b e c o m e i n c r e a s i n g l y a w a r e o v e r t h e p a s t several y e a r s t h a t t h e s e n s e of aliveness a n d d e a d n e s s o f t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e is, for m e , p e r h a p s t h e single m o s t i m p o r t a n t m e a s u r e of t h e moment-tom o m e n t s t a t u s of t h e analytic p r o c e s s . I n t h e c o u r s e o f f o u r c l i n i c a l d i s c u s s i o n s , I shall e x p l o r e t h e i d e a t h a t a n

24

Reverie and Interpretation

e s s e n t i a l e l e m e n t o f analytic t e c h n i q u e involves t h e a n a l y s t ' s m a k i n g u s e o f his e x p e r i e n c e in t h e c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e t o a d d r e s s specific e x p r e s s i v e a n d d e f e n sive r o l e s o f t h e s e n s e o f aliveness a n d d e a d n e s s o f t h e analysis as well as t h e p a r t i c u l a r f u n c t i o n o f t h e s e q u a l i ties o f e x p e r i e n c e in t h e l a n d s c a p e o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s internal object world a n d object relationships. F r o m this p e r s p e c t i v e , t h e p r o b l e m s o f c e n t r a l c o n c e r n t o analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d t e n d t o f o c u s i n c r e a s i n g l y o n s u c h q u e s t i o n s as: J W h e n was t h e last t i m e t h e analysis felt alive t o b o t h p a r t i c i p a n t s ? Is t h e r e a d i s g u i s e d vitality t h a t c a n n o t b e a c k n o w l e d g e d by a n a l y s t a n d / o r a n a l y s a n d f o r f e a r of t h e c o n s e q u e n c e s o f its r e c o g n i tion? W h a t sorts of substitute formations m i g h t b e m a s k i n g t h e lifelessness o f t h e analysis, e.g., m a n i c e x c i t e m e n t , p e r v e r s e p l e a s u r e , hysterical a c t i n g - i n a n d a c t i n g - o u t , as-if c o n s t r u c t i o n s , p a r a s i t i c d e p e n d e n c e o n t h e i n n e r life o f t h e analyst, a n d so o n ? T h e ideas that I shall p r e s e n t a r e b a s e d in large part o n Winnicott's (1971a) c o n c e p t i o n o f t h e "place w h e r e we live" (a t h i r d a r e a o f e x p e r i e n c i n g b e t w e e n reality a n d fantasy [ 1 9 5 1 ] ) a n d t h e p r o b l e m s i n v o l v e d in g e n e r a t i n g s u c h a " p l a c e " ( i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e s t a t e o f m i n d ) in t h e analysis. I a m also d r a w i n g heavily u p o n Bion's (1959) n o t i o n that t h e a n a l y s t / m o t h e r keeps alive, a n d i n a s e n s e b r i n g s t o life, t h e a n a l y s a n d ' s / i n f a n t ' s p r o j e c t e d a s p e c t s o f self t h r o u g h t h e successful t c o n t a i n m e n t of projective identifications. S y m i n g t o n ' s (1983) a n d Coltart's (1986) discussions o f t h e analyst's f r e e d o m to think represent i m p o r t a n t applications to

Analyzing Forms of Aliveness and Deadness

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analytic t e c h n i q u e of t h e work of Bion a n d Winnicott. G r e e n ( 1 9 8 3 ) h a s m a d e a pivotal c o n t r i b u t i o n t o t h e analytic u n d e r s t a n d i n g of t h e e x p e r i e n c e of d e a d n e s s as a n e a r l y i n t e r n a l i z a t i o n of t h e u n c o n s c i o u s state o f the depressed mother. A great deal has b e e n written in r e c e n t years a b o u t t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f t h e a n a l y s t ' s " r e a l n e s s , " i.e., h i s capacity for spontaneity a n d f r e e d o m to r e s p o n d to the a n a l y s a n d f r o m h i s o w n - e x p e r i e n c e i n t h e analytic situa t i o n i n a way t h a t is n o t s t r a n g u l a t e d by s t i l t e d caricat u r e s o f a n a l y t i c n e u t r a l i t y (see f o r e x a m p l e , Bollas 1987, C a s e m e n t 1985, M e a r e s 1993, M i t c h e l l 1993, S t e w a r t 1 9 7 7 ) . As will b e clinically i l l u s t r a t e d , m y o w n t e c h n i q u e rarely includes discussing the countertransf e r e n c e w i t h t h e p a t i e n t directly. I n s t e a d , t h e c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e 1 is i m p l i c i t l y p r e s e n t e d i n t h e way ! c o n d u c t m y s e l f as a n analyst, f o r e x a m p l e , i n t h e m a n a g e m e n t of t h e analytic frame, t h e tone, w o r d i n g a n d c o n t e n t of interpretations a n d o t h e r interventions; in t h e p r e m i u m t h a t is p l a c e d o n s y m b o l i z a t i o n as o p p o s e d to tension-dissipating action; a n d s o o n .

1. I use the term countertransference to refer to the analyst's experience of and contribution to the transference-countertransference. The latter term refers to an unconscious intersubjective construction generated by the analytic pair. I do not view transference and countertransference as separable entities that arise in response to one another; rather, I understand these terms to refer to aspects.of a single intersubjective totality experienced separately (and individually) by analyst and analysand.

26

J?everie and Interpretation

I shall a t t e m p t to d e v e l o p several ideas h a v i n g t o d o with technical p r o b l e m s involved in recognizing, s y m b o l i z i n g a n d i n t e r p r e t i n g t h e s e n s e o f aliveness a n d d e a d n e s s o f t h e analytic e x p e r i e n c e . I believe t h a t every f o r m o f p s y c h o p a t h o l o g y r e p r e s e n t s a specific t y p e o f l i m i t a t i o n o f t h e i n d i v i d u a l ' s c a p a c i t y t o b e fully alive as a h u m a n b e i n g . T h e g o a l o f analysis f r o m t h i s p o i n t o f view is l a r g e r t h a n t h a t o f t h e r e s o l u t i o n o f u n c o n s c i o u s i n t r a p s y c h i c conflict, t h e d i m i n u t i o n o f s y m p t o m a t o l ogy, t h e e n h a n c e m e n t o f reflective subjectivity a n d selfu n d e r s t a n d i n g , a n d - t h e increase of o n e ' s sense of pers o n a l a g e n c y . A l t h o u g h o n e ' s s e n s e o f b e i n g alive is intimately intertwined with each of t h e above-mentioned c a p a c i t i e s , I b e l i e v e t h a t t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f aliven e s s is a q u a l i t y t h a t is s u p e r o r d i n a t e t o t h e s e c a p a c i t i e s a n d m u s t b e c o n s i d e r e d as a n a s p e c t o f t h e a n a l y t i c e x p e r i e n c e in its own terms. T h e focus of this c h a p t e r is clinical. My effort will n o t b e t o d e f i n e p s y c h o l o g i c a l aliveness a n d d e a d n e s s or even to a t t e m p t to describe h o w we d e t e r m i n e w h e t h e r , o r to w h a t extent, a given e x p e r i e n c e has t h e q u a l i t y o f aliveness o r o f d e a d n e s s . I t is n o t t h a t t h e s e q u e s t i o n s a r e u n i m p o r t a n t . R a t h e r , t h e b e s t way I h a v e o f a d d r e s s i n g t h e s e q u e s t i o n s is t o d i s c u s s clinical situat i o n s t h a t I b e l i e v e c e n t r a l l y involve t h e s e q u a l i t i e s o f experience and to h o p e that the descriptions themselves c o n v e y s o m e t h i n g of a s e n s e o f t h e ways i n w h i c h aliveness a n d d e a d n e s s a r e c o n s c i o u s l y a n d u n c o n sciously e x p e r i e n c e d by analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d . I n t h e f o u r clinical d i s c u s s i o n s o f f o r m s o f p s y c h o l o g i c a l alive-

Analyzing Forms of Aliveness and Deadness

27

n e s s a n d d e a d n e s s t h a t follow, p a r t i c u l a r a t t e n t i o n is p a i d t o t h e ways in w h i c h c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e e x p e r i e n c e is u t i l i z e d i n t h e p r o c e s s o f c r e a t i n g a n a l y t i c m e a n i n g , i.e., i n t h e p r o c e s s o f r e c o g n i z i n g , s y m b o l i z i n g , u n d e r s t a n d i n g , a n d i n t e r p r e t i n g t h e l e a d i n g transfere n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e anxiety. /. I n t h e first clinical d i s c u s s i o n , I will p r e s e n t f r a g m e n t s o f a n analysis i n w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t ' s s e n s e o f d e a d n e s s c o u l d n o t initially b e s y m b o l i z e d a n d i n s t e a d was e n a c t e d ( e n t o m b e d ) i n t h e lifelessness o f t h e a n a l y t i c e x p e r i e n c e itself. T h e f o c u s o f this d i s c u s s i o n will b e o n t h e u s e o f c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e t o g e n e r a t e v e r b a l symbols t h a t are eventually offered to t h e p a t i e n t in t h e form of interpretations. Ms. N . , a h i g h l y successful civic l e a d e r , b e g a n a n a l ysis b e c a u s e s h e felt i n t e n s e , b u t diffuse a n x i e t y a n d b e l i e v e d t h a t s o m e t h i n g was s e r i o u s l y w r o n g i n h e r life, b u t d i d n o t k n o w w h a t it was. I n t h e initial m e e t i n g s t h e p a t i e n t d i d n o t s e e m t o c o n sciously e x p e r i e n c e feelings o f e m p t i n e s s , futility, o r s t a g n a t i o n . S h e s a i d t h a t s h e felt a t a loss f o r w o r d s , w h i c h was s o m e t h i n g t h a t was h i g h l y uncharacteristic of her. T h e first y e a r - a n d - a - h a l f o f analysis i n m a n y ways h a d t h e a p p e a r a n c e o f a satisfactory b e g i n n i n g . T h e p a t i e n t was a b l e t o s e e m o r e clearly t h e

28

Reverie and Interpretadon specific ways in w h i c h s h e k e p t p e o p l e ( i n c l u d i n g m e ) a t a g r e a t p s y c h o l o g i c a l d i s t a n c e . T h e r e was also s o m e d e c r e a s e i n a n x i e t y w h i c h was r e f l e c t e d i n t h e p a t i e n t ' s i n c r e a s i n g l y less rigid b o d y p o s t u r e o n t h e c o u c h . ( F o r a l m o s t a y e a r , Ms. N . h a d l a i n c o m p l e t e l y still o n t h e c O u c h w i t h h e r h a n d s folded o n h e r stomach. At the e n d o f t h e meeting, t h e p a t i e n t w o u l d b o l t f r o m t h e c o u c h a n d briskly leave t h e r o o m w i t h o u t l o o k i n g a t m e . ) T h e l a n g u a g e t h e p a t i e n t u s e d was initially e q u a l l y stiff a n d often s o u n d e d textbookish. H e r s p e e c h pattern b e c a m e somewhat m o r e natural in the course o f t h e initial y e a r o f w o r k . H o w e v e r , t h e p a t i e n t t h r o u g h o u t this p e r i o d h a d p r o f o u n d d o u b t s a b o u t w h e t h e r t h e analysis was of " a n y r e a l v a l u e " t o h e r . Ms. N . felt t h a t s h e was d e v e l o p i n g n o greater u n d e r s t a n d i n g of e i t h e r t h e source of h e r a n x i e t y o r o f h e r s e n s e t h a t t h i n g s w e r e n o t right i n h e r life. I n t h e c o u r s e o f t h e first h a l f o f t h e s e c o n d year of work, I gradually developed a n awareness o f t h e way in w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t w o u l d fill t h e h o u r s w i t h a p p a r e n d y i n t r o s p e c t i v e talk t h a t d i d n o t seem to develop into elements from which further understanding or interpretation could be generated. A pattern developed in the h o u r s in which Ms. N . w o u l d d e s c r i b e e v e n t s i n h e r life i n m i n u t e d e t a i l . I t was n o t a t all c l e a r w h a t t h e p o i n t o f t h e l e n g t h y d e s c r i p t i o n s was. A t t i m e s , I w o u l d say t o t h e p a t i e n t t h a t I t h o u g h t t h a t s h e m u s t b e very

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a n x i o u s t h a t I w o u l d l e a r n t o o m u c h a b o u t h e r if s h e h e l p e d m e to u n d e r s t a n d t h e significance of w h a t s h e h a d j u s t said. I f o u n d t h a t I e x p e r i e n c e d i n c r e a s i n g l y less curiosity a b o u t t h e patient, which a b s e n c e h a d q u i t e a d i s t u r b i n g effect o n m e . It felt e q u i v a l e n t t o losing t h e use of my m i n d . I e x p e r i e n c e d a form of claustrophobia d u r i n g the hours a n d o n occasion d e f e n d e d a g a i n s t this a n x i e t y by o b s e s s i o n a l l y c o u n t i n g t h e m i n u t e s until the h o u r would b e o v e r . A t o t h e r times, I f a n t a s i e d e n d i n g t h e h o u r p r e m a t u r e l y by t e l l i n g t h e p a t i e n t t h a t I was ill a n d n e e d e d t o e n d t h e session. I w o u l d s o m e t i m e s "pass t h e time" by c o u n t i n g t h e b e a t s p e r m i n u t e o f m y r a d i a l p u l s e . I was initially u n a w a r e t h a t t h e r e was a n y t h i n g o d d a b o u t m y t a k i n g m y p u l s e d e s p i t e t h e fact t h a t this is a p r a c t i c e t h a t h a s n e v e r o c c u r r e d w i t h a n y o t h e r p a t i e n t . As t h e t h o u g h t s , feelings, a n d s e n s a t i o n s a s s o c i a t e d w i t h this activity w e r e o c c u r r i n g , t h e y d i d n o t feel like "analytic d a t a . " I n s t e a d , I e x p e r i e n c e d t h e m as a n a l m o s t invisible, p r i v a t e b a c k g r o u n d e x p e r i e n c e . D u r i n g t h e p e r i o d of weeks t h a t followed, I gradually b e c a m e m o r e able to treat t h e taking of m y p u l s e , as well as t h e a s s o c i a t e d f e e l i n g s a n d s e n s a t i o n s , as "analytic objects" ( B i o n 1962a, G r e e n 1975, O g d e n 1994a, d ) , i.e., as a r e f l e c t i o n of a n u n c o n s c i o u s c o n s t r u c t i o n b e i n g g e n e r a t e d by t h e p a t i e n t a n d myself, o r m o r e a c c u r a t e l y b e i n g g e n e r a t e d by t h e " i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e analytic t h i r d . " I

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Reverie and Interpretation have discussed my c o n c e p t i o n of t h e "intersubjective a n a l y t i c t h i r d " ( o r " t h e analytic t h i r d " ) i n a r e c e n t series o f p u b l i c a t i o n s ( O g d e n 1 9 9 2 a , b , 1994a, b, c, d ) . T o briefly s u m m a r i z e t h e i d e a s p r e s e n t e d i n t h o s e p u b l i c a t i o n s , I view t h e i n t e r s u b j e c tive a n a l y t i c t h i r d as a t h i r d s u b j e c t c r e a t e d by t h e u n c o n s c i o u s interplay of analyst a n d analysand; at t h e s a m e time, t h e a n a l y s t a n d a n a l y s a n d qua a n a lyst a n d a n a l y s a n d a r e g e n e r a t e d in t h e a c t o f crea t i n g t h e a n a l y t i c t h i r d . ( T h e r e is n o analyst, n o a n a l y s a n d , n o analysis, a s i d e f r o m t h e p r o c e s s t h r o u g h w h i c h t h e analytic t h i r d is g e n e r a t e d . ) T h e n e w subjectivity ( t h e a n a l y t i c t h i r d ) stands in dialectical tension with t h e individual subjectivities o f analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d . I d o n o t c o n c e i v e of t h e i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e a n a l y t i c t h i r d as a static entity; r a t h e r , I u n d e r s t a n d it as a n e v o l v i n g e x p e r i e n c e t h a t is c o n t i n u a l l y in a s t a t e o f flux as t h e i n t e r s u b j e c t i v i t y o f t h e a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s is t r a n s f o r m e d by t h e u n d e r s t a n d i n g s g e n e r a t e d by t h e analytic pair. T h e a n a l y t i c t h i r d is e x p e r i e n c e d t h r o u g h t h e i n d i v i d u a l p e r s o n a l i t y systems of a n a l y s t a n d a n a l y s a n d a n d is t h e r e f o r e n o t a n i d e n t i c a l e x p e r i e n c e for e a c h . T h e c r e a t i o n of t h e a n a l y t i c t h i r d reflects t h e a s y m m e t r y of t h e a n a l y t i c s i t u a t i o n i n t h a t it is c r e a t e d i n t h e c o n t e x t o f t h e a n a l y t i c sett i n g , w h i c h is s t r u c t u r e d by t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p o f r o l e s of analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d . T h e u n c o n s c i o u s e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e a n a l y s a n d is p r i v i l e g e d i n t h e

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a n a l y t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p ; it is t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e a n a l y s a n d ( p a s t a n d p r e s e n t ) t h a t is t a k e n by t h e a n a l y s t a n d a n a l y s a n d as t h e p r i n c i p a l ( a l t h o u g h n o t exclusive) s u b j e c t o f t h e a n a l y t i c d i a l o g u e . I b e g a n to b e able to link t h e e x p e r i e n c e of h o l d i n g m y o w n wrist (in t h e a c t of t a k i n g m y pulse) with what I now suspected to be a n e e d to literally feel h u m a n w a r m t h i n a n effort t o r e a s s u r e myself t h a t I was alive a n d h e a l t h y . T h i s r e a l i z a t i o n b r o u g h t w i t h it a p r o f o u n d shift in m y u n d e r s t a n d ing of a great m a n y aspects of my e x p e r i e n c e with Ms. N . I felt m o v e d by t h e p a t i e n t ' s t e n a c i t y i n telling m e seemingly pointless stories for m o r e t h a n 18 m o n t h s . I t o c c u r r e d t o m e t h a t t h e s e stories h a d b e e n offered with the unconscious h o p e that I m i g h t find ( o r c r e a t e ) a p o i n t t o t h e s t o r i e s t h e r e b y c r e a t i n g a p o i n t (a f e e l i n g o f c o h e r e n c e , direction, value, a n d authenticity) for t h e p a t i e n t ' s life. I h a d p r e v i o u s l y b e e n c o n s c i o u s o f m y o w n f a n t a s y o f f e i g n i n g illness i n o r d e r t o e s c a p e t h e s t a g n a n t d e a d n e s s o f t h e sessions, b u t I h a d n o t u n d e r s t o o d t h a t this " e x c u s e " r e f l e c t e d a n u n c o n s c i o u s fantasy t h a t I was b e i n g m a d e ill by p r o l o n g e d e x p o s u r e t o t h e lifelessness o f t h e analysis. I t was t h r o u g h this a n d s i m i l a r l i n e s of t h o u g h t a n d f e e l i n g ( a s s o c i a t e d w i t h m y o w n - e x p e r i e n c e in t h e analytic t h i r d ) that I b e g a n to develop a sense o f t h e m e a n i n g o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s diffuse a n x i e t y a n d h e r s e n s e t h a t s h e was c a u g h t i n s o m e t h i n g awful t h a t s h e c o u l d n o t identify.

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Reverie and Interpretation I said t o Ms. N . t h a t I t h o u g h t I u n d e r s t o o d b e t t e r n o w s o m e of t h e reasons for h e r telling m e i n g r e a t d e t a i l a b o u t e v e n t s in h e r life i n a way t h a t m a d e it c o n f u s i n g t o b o t h o f u s w h y s h e was t e l l i n g t h e story. I said t h a t I felt t h a t s h e h a d g i v e n u p o n b e i n g a b l e t o c r e a t e a life f o r h e r s e l f . I n s t e a d , s h e was giving m e t h e f o r m s w i t h w h i c h s h e h a d filled h e r t i m e in h o p e s t h a t I c o u l d c r e a t e a life f o r h e r f r o m t h e s e p i e c e s . T h e p a t i e n t r e s p o n d e d by d e s c r i b i n g t h e way i n w h i c h h e r life a t w o r k a n d a t h o m e consisted almost entirely of organizing o t h e r p e o p l e ' s activities w h i l e n e v e r a c t u a l l y m a k i n g a n y t h i n g h e r s e l f . It n o w s e e m e d t o h e r t h a t s h e u s e d o t h e r p e o p l e ' s lives a n d t h e t h i n g s t h a t t h e y m a d e ( t h e lives o f h e r e m p l o y e e s , o f h e r h u s b a n d , h e r a u p a i r , a n d h e r two c h i l d r e n ) as s u b s t i t u t e s f o r h e r o w n ability t o c r e a t e s o m e t h i n g t h a t felt like a life o f h e r o w n . L a t e r in t h e session, s h e s a i d t h a t s h e h a d f o r a long time imagined that a paperweight o n a table n e x t t o m y c h a i r h a d b e e n a gift f r o m a p a t i e n t . S h e said t h a t s h e h a d n e v e r t o l d m e t h a t s h e h a d even n o t i c e d the object, b u t t h a t she h a d for a l o n g time w i s h e d t h a t s h e h a d g i v e n it t o m e . I t was n o t until that m o m e n t that she realized that she h a d n o t i m a g i n e d giving m e a gift o f h e r o w n , a n d i n s t e a d h a d w i s h e d t h a t s h e h a d g i v e n m e that gift. S h e c o u l d n o t e n v i s i o n h e r s e l f as a p e r s o n w h o c o u l d select, a n d i n t h a t s e n s e c r e a t e , a gift f o r m e , s o s h e i m a g i n e d b e i n g s o m e o n e else, t h e p e r s o n

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w h o h a d g i v e n m e t h e gift. I t h o u g h t , b u t d i d n o t i n t e r p r e t a t this j u n c t u r e , t h a t u n d e r l y i n g t h i s t h o u g h t was t h e fantasy t h a t it w o u l d n e v e r b e p o s s i b l e f o r h e r t o c r e a t e a life o f h e r o w n s o t h e o n l y a l t e r n a t i v e a v a i l a b l e t o h e r was t h a t o f s t e a l i n g t h e life o f a n o t h e r p e r s o n . It s e e m e d i m p o r t a n t t h a t I n o t u s u r p t h e p a t i e n t ' s o p p o r t u n i t y t o c r e a t e life i n t h e analysis ( c r e a t e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s ) t h a t s h e was n o w j u s t b e g i n n i n g to b e able to do. Several m o n t h s later, Ms. N . p r e s e n t e d a d r e a m i n w h i c h s h e was in a c a b i n e t in a k i t c h e n t h a t was n o t h e r o w n k i t c h e n . It was as if s h e h a d b e e n "poured into the cabinet" a n d h a d become a rectang u l a r c u b e t h e s h a p e of t h e i n s i d e o f t h e w o o d e n b o x . T h e d r e a m was p r e s e n t e d in c o n j u n c t i o n with t h e p a t i e n t ' s t e l l i n g m e a b o u t a f r i e n d w h o lived with c o n t i n u a l psychological p a i n i n c o n n e c t i o n w i t h t h e d e a t h o f h e r five-year-old d a u g h t e r . T h e f r i e n d ' s c h i l d h a d b e e n killed b e f o r e t h e p a t i e n t b e g a n analysis i n a n a c c i d e n t t h a t h a d r e s u l t e d from t h e n e g l i g e n c e of a babysitter. A f t e r t e l l i n g m e t h e d r e a m , Ms. N . fell s i l e n t . T h i s s i l e n c e s t o o d in m a r k e d c o n t r a s t t o t h e way i n w h i c h s h e h a d in t h e past o b s c u r e d feeling with excessive v e r b i a g e . After a few m i n u t e s , I s a i d t o Ms. N . t h a t I t h o u g h t t h a t s h e was d e s c r i b i n g t o m e h e r sense that she lacked a shape of h e r own. I w e n t o n t o say t h a t h e r f r i e n d ' s p a i n , h o w e v e r terrib l e , was a h u m a n . f e e l i n g t h a t I t h o u g h t t h e p a t i e n t f e a r e d s h e was i n c a p a b l e o f e x p e r i e n c i n g . I t o l d

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Reverie and Interpretation h e r that a l t h o u g h she h a d never said so directly, I felt t h a t s h e was afraid t h a t s h e m i g h t n e v e r b e a b l e t o feel a n y t h i n g , e v e n t h e p a i n t h a t o t h e r s m i g h t feel a b o u t t h e d e a t h o f t h e i r c h i l d . I n a voice s o f a i n t t h a t I c o u l d b a r e l y h e a r h e r , Ms. N . said t h a t t h i s h a d for a l o n g time b e e n a f e a r o f h e r s a b o u t w h i c h s h e felt p r o f o u n d s h a m e . S h e h a d stayed awake m a n y nights worrying that s h e w o u l d b e u n a b l e t o g r i e v e if o n e o f h e r o w n child r e n w e r e t o d i e a n d t h a t this felt t o h e r t o b e t h e m o s t o d i o u s failure of which any m o t h e r c o u l d b e guilty. S h e said t h a t s h e felt t h a t s h e h a d n o t b e e n a b l e t o love a n d b e w i t h h e r c h i l d r e n i n t h e way s h e w i s h e d s h e c o u l d h a v e b e e n . I n fact, s h e n o w knew that she h a d neglected t h e m quite badly a n d t h a t t h e y h a d s u f f e r e d g r e a t i y f o r it. T h e p a t i e n t a g a i n fell s i l e n t f o r t h e r e m a i n i n g few m i n u t e s o f the hour.

T o s u m m a r i z e , I view t h e p o r t i o n o f t h e analysis j u s t discussed as r e p r e s e n t i n g t h e b e g i n n i n g s of a p r o cess i n w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t ' s e x p e r i e n c e o f d e a d n e s s ( b o t h i n h e r i m a g i n e d inability t o g r i e v e a n d i n h e r i d e n t i f i c a t i o n "with h e r f r i e n d ' s d e a d c h i l d ) was b e i n g t r a n s f o r m e d f r o m a n u n t h i n k a b l e thing-in-itself (a fact e x p e r i e n c e d by b o t h t h e p a t i e n t a n d myself as a n o n v e r b a l l y s y m b o l i z e d s e n s e o f d e a d n e s s o f t h e analysis) i n t o a living, v e r b a l l y s y m b o l i z e d e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s ( a n d m y o w n ) d e a d n e s s i n t h e analysis. A n intersubjective analytic space h a d b e g u n t o b e gener-

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a t e d i n w h i c h t h e d e a d n e s s c o u l d b e felt, viewed, e x p e rienced, a n d s p o k e n a b o u t by t h e two of us. D e a d n e s s V h a d b e c o m e a f e e l i n g as o p p o s e d t o a fact. IL I n t h i s s e c o n d clinical d i s c u s s i o n , I shall d e s c r i b e a n analytic e n c o u n t e r w h i c h illustrates technical chall e n g e s a r i s i n g in c o n j u n c t i o n w i t h a p a t i e n t ' s u n c o n s c i o u s i n s i s t e n c e t h a t t h e analyst s e r v e as t h e r e p o s i t o r y f o r h i s p s y c h i c life a n d h o p e . M r . D., i n t h e initial i n t e r v i e w , i n f o r m e d m e t h a t h e h a d b e e n in analysis six t i m e s a n d e a c h

time

" h a d b e e n t e r m i n a t e d " by t h e analyst. T h e m o s t recent unilateral termination had occurred three m o n t h s p r i o r t o M r . D . ' s first m e e t i n g w i t h m e . T h e p a t i e n t c a r r i e d h i m s e l f a n d s p o k e in a way t h a t c o n v e y e d a s e n s e o f a r r o g a n c e , a l o o f n e s s , a n d s e l f - i m p o r t a n c e ; a t t h e s a m e time, this d e p o r t m e n t h a d a b r i t t l e n e s s t o it t h a t m a d e it r e a d i l y a p p a r e n t t h a t t h e patient's s u p e r i o r t o n e of voice a n d d e m e a n o r t h i n l y d i s g u i s e d feelings o f fear, worthlessness, a n d desperation. M r . D. t o l d m e t h a t if h e w e r e t o c o n t i n u e p a s t o u r initial m e e t i n g , I m u s t u n d e r s t a n d t h a t h e w o u l d n e v e r b e t h e o n e w h o s p o k e first i n a n y sess i o n . H e e x p l a i n e d t h a t if I w e r e t o a t t e m p t t o "wait h i m o u t , " t h e session w o u l d b e s p e n t i n c o m p l e t e s i l e n c e . H e h a d w a s t e d h i s time a n d m o n e y

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Reverie and Interpretation i n t h a t way t o o m a n y t i m e s i n t h e p a s t a n d h o p e d that I would n o t r e p e a t that a p p r o a c h with h i m . H e a d d e d t h a t it w o u l d also b e a w a s t e o f time f o r m e t o ask h i m a b o u t t h e "fears a n d a n x i e t i e s " u n d e r l y i n g h i s inability t o b e g i n t h e session: "After all, m y a n s w e r i n g q u e s t i o n s of t h a t s o r t w o u l d b e t a n t a m o u n t to my b e g i n n i n g t h e h o u r — y o u k n o w t h a t as well as I d o . " Mr. D.'s presentation of himself i n t r i g u e d m e a n d stirred feelings of competitiveness in m e . H e had thrown down the gauntlet and I would p r o v e myself to b e m o r e a d e p t a n d agile t h a n t h e p r e v i o u s six analysts. I n t h e i n i t i a l i n t e r v i e w I w a s a l s o a w a r e t h a t I was u n c o n s c i o u s l y b e i n g i n v i t e d t o t a k e t h e r o l e of a suitor a n d t h a t t h e r e was a fantasied h o m o s e x u a l sadomasochistic scene that was a l r e a d y b e g i n n i n g t o t a k e s h a p e i n t h e t r a n s ference-countertransference. At the same time, I r e c o g n i z e d t h a t t h e fantasy of e n t e r i n g i n t o a c o m p e t i t i v e g a m e p r o t e c t e d m e f r o m fully f e e l i n g t h e deadly seriousness of t h e i n t e n s e c o n t e m p t a n d h a t r e d t h a t I was e n c o u n t e r i n g . I n a d d i t i o n , t h e narcissistic/competitive fantasy p r o t e c t e d m e from feelings of b e i n g t r a p p e d in t h e w e b t h a t M r . D . was a l r e a d y b e g i n n i n g t o s p i n w i t h h i s imperiously controlling instructions regarding t h e way i n w h i c h t h e analysis was t o b e c o n ducted. I imagined that l o n g years of isolation a w a i t e d b o t h o f u s if w e w e r e t o u n d e r t a k e a n a l y sis t o g e t h e r .

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I said t o M r . D . t h a t I t h o u g h t h e i m a g i n e d t h a t analysis w i t h m e w o u l d involve o n e o r b o t h o f us brutalizing the o t h e r until the o n e b e i n g brutali z e d c o u l d n o l o n g e r b e a r it. I also said t h a t I h a d n o i n t e r e s t in b r u t a l i z i n g h i m , b e i n g b r u t a l i z e d by h i m o r p a r t i c i p a t i n g in h i s b r u t a l i z a t i o n o f h i m s e l f . T h i s c o m m e n t was n o t m e a n t as a r e a s s u r a n c e , b u t as a s t a t e m e n t a b o u t m y c o n c e p t i o n of t h e analytic f r a m e w o r k w i t h i n w h i c h I was willing t o w o r k . I a g r e e d t o b e t h e first t o s p e a k in e a c h h o u r , b u t said t h a t I would d o so only w h e n I t h o u g h t I h a d s o m e t h i n g t o say. I a d d e d t h a t it m i g h t s o m e t i m e s take m e a good deal of time to b e able to p u t my e x p e r i e n c e i n t o w o r d s f o r myself a n d f o r h i m a t t h e b e g i n n i n g o f t h e session, b u t m y s i l e n c e w o u l d n o t b e i n t e n d e d as a n a t t e m p t t o "wait h i m o u t . " M r . D. sat q u i e d y a n d s e e m e d t o r e l a x a b i t as I s p o k e . I was s o m e w h a t e n c o u r a g e d by t h e fact t h a t I felt t h a t I h a d b e e n a b l e to say s o m e t h i n g t o h i m t h a t d i d n o t involve a sadistic a t t a c k o n M r . D. n o r a c o m p r o m i s e of e i t h e r of us. N e i t h e r d i d it s e e m t o m e t o involve a f o r m of m a n i c e x c i t e m e n t a n d d e n i a l r e l a t e d t o t h e fantasy of a c o m p e t i t i v e g a m e . A t t h e o u t s e t o f e a c h o f t h e m e e t i n g s with M r . p . , I a t t e m p t e d t o find w o r d s to convey w h a t it felt like b e i n g with h i m i n t h a t p a r t i c u l a r m o m e n t . I (silendy) h y p o t h e s i z e d t h a t b o t h t h e fantasies a n d feelings a b o u t b r u t a l i z a t i o n a n d t h e fantasies reflecti n g m a n i c e x c i t e m e n t ( c o m p e t i t i o n ) in t h e transference-countertransference represented forms of

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Reverie and Interpretation d e f e n s e against t h e e x p e r i e n c e of i n n e r d e a d n e s s , w h i c h d e a d n e s s was s y m b o l i z e d b y M r . D.'s feeling t h a t h e h a d n o t h i n g i n h i m with w h i c h t o b e g i n t h e h o u r s (to b e g i n his story). I w o u l d h a v e t o b e t h e o n e t o b r i n g life to t h e analysis (to c r e a t e history) e a c h t i m e w e m e t A l m o s t always a s I b e g a n t h e h o u r , I h a d t h e c o n s c i o u s fantasy t h a t I was giving t h e p a t i e n t a n d t h e analysis m o u t h - t o - m o u t h resuscit a t i o n . I c h o s e n o t to tell Mr. D. a b o u t this fantasy directly in o r d e r n o t to d e m e a n h i m n o r t o p r e m a turely a d d r e s s t h e h o m o s e x u a l aspects o f t h e transference-countertransference. A t times, w h a t I said t o M r . D . t o b e g i n t h e h o u r felt r o t e a n d h a c k n e y e d a n d I l a b o r e d t o g e t b e y o n d w h a t felt like p r e - f a b r i c a t e d a n a l y t i c c l i c h e i n o r d e r n o t t o d u m p f u r t h e r lifelessness i n t o h i m a n d i n t o t h e analysis. I n o n e o f t h e s e m e e t i n g s very early o n in t h e analysis I t o l d M r . D. t h a t I f o u n d myself i m a g i n i n g a t t e m p t i n g t o l u r e h i m i n t o trusti n g m e . I said t h a t I k n e w t h a t t h i s w o u l d n o t o n l y b e futile, b u t w o u l d a l s o b e d e s t r u c t i v e s i n c e a n y t h i n g " w o n " by m e i n this way w o u l d b e e x p e r i e n c e d by b o t h of u s as a f o r m of t h e f t t h a t w o u l d a l i e n a t e u s f r o m o n e a n o t h e r e v e n f u r t h e r t h a n we a l r e a d y w e r e . After several m i n u t e s o f s i l e n c e , M r . D. d e s c r i b e d his c o n t i n u a l vigilance in c o m b a t i n g theft: h i s u s e o f b u r g l a r a l a r m s a t h i s h o m e , a n t i t h e f t d e v i c e s i n h i s c a r , a safe a t h i s office, a n d s o o n . T h i s was s p o k e n i n a way t h a t g a v e n o a c k n o w l e d g m e n t t h a t it r e p r e s e n t e d a r e s p o n s e t o w h a t I

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h a d j u s t said. D e s p i t e t h e p a t i e n t ' s o f f e r i n g inform a t i o n o f this s o r t , t h e f e e l i n g i n t h e h o u r was t h a t o f a n e x t r e m e l y t e n s e stand-off w h i c h t h r e a t e n e d t o b r e a k a p a r t a t a n y m o m e n t . I t felt as if t h e r e w e r e n o t h i n g h u m a n h o l d i n g t h e f a b r i c of t h e analysis t o g e t h e r . I n a session t h a t o c c u r r e d i n t h e s i x t h m o n t h o f t h e analysis, I t h o u g h t for a m o m e n t t h a t I saw t e a r s b r i m m i n g in M r . D . ' s eyes, b u t w h e n I l o o k e d m o r e closely I c o u l d n o t tell if m y p e r c e p t i o n h a d b e e n a c c u r a t e . ( M r . D . was a t t h a t p o i n t r e f u s i n g t o u s e t h e c o u c h a n d s o we w e r e m e e t i n g face t o face.) I t o l d M r . D. w h a t h a d j u s t o c c u r r e d a n d said t h a t w h e t h e r o r n o t t h e r e h a d b e e n t e a r s i n his eyes, I felt t h a t w h a t h a d h a p p e n e d r e f l e c t e d t h e s a d n e s s o f t h e s i t u a t i o n t h a t h e a n d I w e r e in. (I r e m e m b e r e d M r . D.'s t e l l i n g m e s o m e m o n t h s e a r lier t h a t h e h a d b e e n g r a t e f u l t o his p r e v i o u s a n a lyst f o r h e r h o n e s t y in t e l l i n g h i m t h a t s h e c o u l d n o t b e of h e l p t o h i m i n s t e a d of m i n d l e s s l y persisti n g i n a n analysis t h a t s h e felt c o u l d n o t p r o g r e s s . T h a t t h o u g h t r e m i n d e d m e of a "living will" t h a t h a d r e c e n d y b e e n s e n t t o m e by a m e m b e r of m y family i n w h i c h d o c t o r s w e r e in effect i n s t r u c t e d n o t t o c r e a t e a n e m p t y i l l u s i o n o f life after g e n u i n e life h a d a l r e a d y b e e n lost.) M r . D . sat q u i e t i y f o r a m i n u t e a n d said t h a t h e h a d n o t b e e n m o v e d by m y "little s p e e c h . " H e t h e n r e t u r n e d t o his s i l e n c e . After a b o u t five m i n utes, I said I t h o u g h t that what h a d j u s t h a p p e n e d

40

Reverie and Interpretation b e t w e e n u s m u s t reflect s o m e t h i n g b a s i c t o h i s e x p e r i e n c e . I h a d felt s a d n e s s , p a r t of w h i c h was n o d o u b t my own, s o m e t h i n g attributable to my o w n s e n s e of e x t r e m e l o n e l i n e s s in b e i n g w i t h h i m . I a d d e d t h a t n o n e t h e l e s s I felt t h a t i n p a r t I was f e e l i n g s o m e t h i n g f o r h i m , in h i s s t e a d . I s a i d t h a t I h a d in t h e p a s t t r i e d t o talk w i t h h i m a b o u t it, b u t t h a t h i s r e p l i e s h a d always m a d e m e feel as if I w e r e e i t h e r crazy o r s t u p i d o r b o t h . I said t h a t if I w e r e n o t i n a p o s i t i o n to feel s o m e c o n f i d e n c e i n m y ability t o d i f f e r e n t i a t e b e t w e e n w h a t feels r e a l a n d w h a t d o e s n o t , I w o u l d find it a g r e a t s t r a i n t o h a v e m y p e r c e p t i o n s d r a w n i n t o q u e s t i o n i n s u c h a fund a m e n t a l way. I t o l d h i m t h a t it w o u l d s u r p r i s e m e g r e a d y if a t i m p o r t a n t p o i n t s in h i s life, h e h a d n o t felt this type o f s t r a i n in r e l a t i o n t o h i s o w n ability t o d i f f e r e n t i a t e w h i c h p a r t s of his e x p e r i e n c e a n d p e r c e p t i o n s were real a n d which were n o t . It s e e m e d f r o m m y e x p e r i e n c e in b e i n g w i t h h i m t h a t h e m u s t h a v e felt p o w e r f u l l y a s s a u l t e d in h i s efforts t o h o l d o n t o a c o n v i c t i o n a b o u t t h e t r u t h o f w h a t h e t h o u g h t , saw, felt, h e a r d , a n d s o o n . T h e p a t i e n t s e e m e d t o i g n o r e a l m o s t all o f w h a t I h a d j u s t said a n d instead c o m m e n t e d t h a t I h a d u s e d t h e w o r d " b r u t a l i z e d " i n o u r first m e e t i n g . T h a t w o r d was t h e m o s t a c c u r a t e w o r d , a n d "maybe t h e only accurate word," that I h a d used in all t h e s e m o n t h s of analysis. H e said t h a t h e h a d n e v e r b e e n b e a t e n o r a b u s e d as a c h i l d , b u t h e h a d felt t h a t h e h a d b e e n b r u t a l i z e d i n s u b t l e a n d i n

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n o t s o s u b d e ways t h a t h e c a n n o t d e s c r i b e b e c a u s e h e is n o t e v e n s u r e w h a t o c c u r r e d , if i n fact anyt h i n g o u t o f t h e o r d i n a r y d i d o c c u r . M r : D. said t h a t h e w o u l d n o t try t o tell m e a b o u t h i s c h i l d h o o d b e c a u s e it was all very n o r m a l — " I ' v e g o n e o v e r it a h u n d r e d times w i t h m y p r e v i o u s analysts a n d there isn't anything that would earn m e a place o n t h e D o n a h u e Show." T h i s e x c h a n g e was t h e closest M r . D. a n d I h a d c o m e to talking to o n e a n o t h e r . Over t h e n e x t several weeks, h e b e c a m e increasingly antagonistic a n d d i s p a r a g i n g of m e a n d t h e analysis. I i n t e r p r e t e d t h e fact t h a t h i s a t t a c k s o n m e a n d o u r efforts t o talk t o o n e a n o t h e r h a d i n c r e a s e d d r a m a t i c a l l y after t h e m e e t i n g t h a t I h a v e j u s t d e s c r i b e d . At o n e p o i n t , t h e p a t i e n t e x p r e s s e d g r e a t c o n t e m p t f o r m y u s e of t h e w o r d " w o r k " t o d e s c r i b e w h a t was o c c u r r i n g in t h e s e "very e x p e n sive h o u r s . " I said t o M r . D. t h a t e a r l i e r h e h a d c o m m e n t e d o n m y u s e of a n o t h e r w o r d , t h e w o r d " b r u t a l i z e d . " I t o l d h i m t h a t I t h o u g h t t h a t h i s havi n g a c k n o w l e d g e d f e e l i n g u n d e r s t o o d by m e , if only in m y use of t h a t single word, h a d led h i m to feel t h a t t h i n g s b e t w e e n t h e two of u s h a d b e c o m e wildly a n d d a n g e r o u s l y o u t o f c o n t r o l . I said t h a t I t h o u g h t t h a t w h a t c u r r e n t l y a p p e a r e d o n t h e surface t o b e h i s b r u t a l i z i n g m e felt t o m e m o r e like a n effort t o p r o t e c t m e by g e t t i n g m e t o t h r o w h i m o u t . I a d d e d t h a t I s u s p e c t e d t h a t if I d i d n o t s o o n t e r m i n a t e o u r m e e t i n g s h e w o u l d e n d t h e analysis

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Reverie and Interpretation as t h e o n l y way h e felt h e h a d a t h i s d i s p o s a l t o p r o tect m e from w h a t h e feared to b e his endlessly e s c a l a t i n g b r u t a l i z a t i o n o f m e . M r . D. d i d n o t e n d t h e analysis, b u t for a p e r i o d o f a l m o s t six m o n t h s h e t u r n e d his chair at t h e b e g i n n i n g of t h e m e e t i n g s o t h a t h i s b a c k was t o m e . I s u s p e c t t h a t h e d i d n o t w a n t m e t o b e a b l e t o see h i s eyes. I n t h a t p h a s e o f w o r k , h e s p o k e e v e n less t h a n in t h e initial m o n t h s of analysis.

I n t h e p o r t i o n o f t h e analysis d i s c u s s e d a b o v e , M r . D . h a d i n f a n t a s y p u t i n t o m e t h e fragile r e m a i n d e r o f h i s s e n s e of life a n d h o p e . I was t o s p e a k f o r h i m a n d feel f o r h i m (by b e g i n n i n g e a c h m e e t i n g a n d by b e i n g t h e c o n t a i n e r of h i s p r o j e c t i v e i d e n t i f i c a t i o n s i n v o l v i n g his p r o f o u n d loneliness a n d sadness) while h e attacked m e f o r b e i n g s o n a i v e as t o i m a g i n e t h a t I c o u l d safeg u a r d h i s life a n d m y o w n i n t h e f a c e o f h i s i m m e n s e brutality. E x t r e m e splitting of t h e brutalized a n d b r u talizing a s p e c t s o f t h e p a t i e n t h a d b e e n a n e c e s s a r y c o n d i t i o n f o r a n y f o r m of r e l a t e d n e s s t o m e t o b e s u s t a i n e d . I n t h e c o u r s e of t h e analysis, t h e p a t i e n t b e g a n t o e x p e r i e n c e f o r h i m s e l f t h e r u d i m e n t s o f sadn e s s a n d c o m p a s s i o n f o r t h e a s p e c t s of h i m s e l f w h i c h h e h a d projected into m e and h a d experienced through me.

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///. I n o n g o i n g consultation with clinicians w h o c o m e to m e t o discuss analyses t h a t t h e y a r e c o n d u c t i n g , I a s k t h a t t h e a n a l y s t a t t e m p t t o talk w i t h m e n o t o n l y a b o u t w h a t t h e analysis a n d a n a l y s a n d say t o o n e a n o t h e r , b u t also a b o u t t h e a n a l y s t ' s m o m e n t - t o - m o m e n t t h o u g h t s , f e e l i n g s , a n d s e n s a t i o n s . T h e analyst is a s k e d t o i n c l u d e this a s p e c t o f his w o r k in h i s p r o c e s s n o t e s t h a t h e r e c o r d s d u r i n g t h e analytic h o u r s a n d discusses w i t h m e in o u r consultation meetings. In addition, I suggest t h a t t h e a n a l y s t w r i t e p r o c e s s n o t e s f o r all m e e t i n g s i n c l u d i n g t h o s e t h a t t h e p a t i e n t fails t o a t t e n d . I o p e r ate u n d e r t h e assumption that t h e patient's physical a b s e n c e c r e a t e s a specific f o r m of p s y c h o l o g i c a l effect in t h e a n a l y s t a n d in t h e analysis a n d t h a t t h e analytic p r o c e s s c o n t i n u e s d e s p i t e t h e a n a l y s a n d ' s physical a b s e n c e . I n t h i s way, t h e specific m e a n i n g s o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s p r e s e n c e in h i s a b s e n c e a r e t r a n s f o r m e d i n t o a n a l y t i c o b j e c t s t o b e fully e x p e r i e n c e d , lived w i t h , symb o l i z e d , u n d e r s t o o d , a n d m a d e p a r t o f t h e a n a l y t i c discourse. I n u s i n g p r o c e s s n o t e s in t h i s way, t h e analyst a t t e m p t s to symbolize a n d s p e a k to himself a b o u t his e x p e r i e n c e with t h e patient n o m a t t e r h o w seemingly u n r e l a t e d t o t h e a n a l y s a n d , t h e analyst's fantasies, physical s e n s a t i o n s , r u m i n a t i o n s , d a y d r e a m s , a n d s o o n m i g h t a p p e a r t o b e ( O g d e n 1992a, b, 1994a, b , c, d ) . I d o n o t "insist" t h a t a s u p e r v i s e e discuss with m e this a s p e c t o f t h e a n a l y t i c e x p e r i e n c e s i n c e s o m e analysts

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are initially t e m p e r a m e n t a l l y i n c a p a b l e o f a t t e n d i n g t o t h i s level o f t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e . M o r e o v e r , t h e analysts c o n s u l t i n g w i t h m e a r e n o t always sufficiently a t easewith themselves o r with m e to e n t r u s t this aspect of t h e i r w o r k t o m e . H o w e v e r , I h a v e f o u n d t h a t as t h e supervisory relationship unfolds, supervisees a r e usually a b l e t o d e v e l o p t h e s e c a p a b i l i t i e s a n d m a k e u s e of t h i s a s p e c t o f t h e analytic e x p e r i e n c e i n t h e i r t h e r a p e u t i c w o r k a n d in c o n s u l t a t i o n . I h a v e also f o u n d t h a t it is r a r e f o r a t h e r a p i s t t o b e a b l e t o e n g a g e i n this f o r m o f supervisory e x p e r i e n c e without having previously taken p a r t i n a successful p e r s o n a l analysis. I n t h e a b s e n c e o f s u c h a n e x p e r i e n c e i n analysis ( w h i c h is n o t t o i n v o k e t h e i l l u s i o n of t h e " c o m p l e t e d analysis"), it is u n u s u a l for a therapist to have d e v e l o p e d the capacity to m a k e analytic use of his m u n d a n e , q u o t i d i a n , u n o b t r u s i v e t h o u g h t s , feelings, a n d s e n s a t i o n s t h a t o c c u p y h i m d u r i n g t h e analytic h o u r s . As w i t h m o s t a s p e c t s o f a n a l y t i c t e c h n i q u e , a t t e n t i o n t o a n d u s e o f t h e a n a l y s t ' s p r i v a t e d i s c o u r s e t h a t is seemingly u n r e l a t e d to the patient runs c o u n t e r to the character defenses that we have developed in t h e c o u r s e o f o u r lives. T o a t t e m p t t o l o o s e n o u r d e p e n d e n c e o n t h e s e c h a r a c t e r d e f e n s e s o f t e n feels like " t e a r i n g off a layer of skin," l e a v i n g u s w i t h a d i m i n i s h e d stimulus b a r r i e r with which to p r o t e c t t h e b o u n d a r y b e t w e e n i n n e r a n d o u t e r , b e t w e e n r e c e p t i v i t y a n d overs t i m u l a t i o n , b e t w e e n sanity a n d insanity. „ T h e analytic work t h a t I shall n o w describe o c c u r r e d in t h e c o n t e x t o f t h e supervision of a n analyst

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w h o h a d b e e n c o n s u l t i n g w i t h m e o n a w e e k l y basis f o r a b o u t a y e a r . T h e analysis h a d b e g u n in a way t h a t was q u i t e d i s a p p o i n t i n g t o t h e analyst. T h e a n a l y s a n d , D r . C , was a r e s i d e n t in family practice medicine who h a d read a b o u t psychoanalysis in c o l l e g e , m e d i c a l s c h o o l , a n d r e s i d e n c y . H e h a d a s t r o n g s e n s e o f t h e " r u l e s o f analysis" a n d c o m p l i e d with t h e m , a l t h o u g h from t h e b e g i n n i n g h e c o m p l a i n e d a b o u t t h e rigidity o f t h e " g a m e , " for e x a m p l e , t h e analysand's having to pay for missed meetings, the "requirement" that the a n a l y s a n d t a k e his v a c a t i o n s w h e n t h e a n a l y s t d o e s , t h e d e m a n d for c o m p l i a n c e with t h e " f u n d a m e n tal r u l e , " a n d so o n . ( W i t h t h e e x c e p t i o n of t h e fee a r r a n g e m e n t , t h e a n a l y s t h a d said n o t h i n g a b o u t t h e s e "rules.") D r . C . ' s r e a s o n s f o r b e i n g i n analysis w e r e v a g u e : h e felt h e s h o u l d " l e a r n a b o u t h i m s e l f as p a r t o f his t r a i n i n g as a family p r a c t i c e p h y s i c i a n . T h e i d e a t h a t h e was a s k i n g f o r h e l p w i t h t h e psyc h o l o g i c a l p a i n t h a t h e was e x p e r i e n c i n g w o u l d h a v e r e p r e s e n t e d a n i m a g i n e d a c t of s u b m i s s i o n that t h e patient could n o t have tolerated at t h e b e g i n n i n g o f t h e analysis. T h e a n a l y s a n d was o n t i m e f o r e a c h s e s s i o n a n d c o m p l i a n t l y "free associated," presenting a blend of dreams, childhood m e m o r i e s , s e x u a l fantasies, a n d c u r r e n t w o r k r e l a t e d , m a r i t a l a n d c h i l d - r e a r i n g difficulties a n d stresses. T h e r e w e r e c o n f e s s i o n s o f s e c r e t acts

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Reverie and Interpretation a b o u t w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t felt s h a m e , f o r e x a m p l e , the use of pornographic magazines d u r i n g masturb a t i o n a n d two i n c i d e n t s o f c h e a t i n g o n m e d i c a l school laboratory reports. H o w e v e r , f r o m t h e e a r l i e s t days a n d w e e k s o f analysis, t h e analyst, D r . F., e x p e r i e n c e d t h e p a t i e n t as b o r i n g t o a d e g r e e t o w h i c h h e was u n a c c u s t o m e d . I t felt as if t h e p a t i e n t w e r e a t t e m p t i n g to imitate what h e h a d imagined went o n in a " g o o d analysis." It r e q u i r e d c o n s i d e r a b l e f o r b e a r a n c e f o r D r . F. t o r e f r a i n f r o m e n t e r i n g i n t o t h e analysis w i t h i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s of t h e c o n t e n t t h a t was b e i n g p r e s e n t e d , for e x a m p l e , i n t e r p r e t a t i o n of d r e a m m a t e r i a l t h a t " s e e m e d t o b e g f o r t r a n s f e r e n c e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s . " I n c o n s u l t a t i o n , D r . F. discussed t h e possible interpretations that h e m i g h t have m a d e , b u t h a d c h o s e n t o defer. It s e e m e d to m e t h a t t h e s e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s w o u l d h a v e b e e n imit a t i o n s of " d e e p " t r a n s f e r e n c e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s a n d w o u l d h a v e b e e n o f f e r e d i n a n effort o n t h e p a r t o f D r . F. t o c r e a t e h i s o w n fantasy o f a " g o o d analysis." As time w e n t o n , t h e a n a l y s t felt g r e a t i y t e m p t e d t o chastise t h e analysand o r even c o m m e n t c o n t e m p tuously o n the emptiness o f t h e patient's verbiage. A t e a c h s t a g e , a n i m p o r t a n t p e r s p e c t i v e t h a t was elaborated in the consultation included t h e idea t h a t it was of critical i m p o r t a n c e f o r D r . F. n o t t o e n t e r into a n empty (inert) discourse with the p a t i e n t a n d a t t h e s a m e t i m e it was c r u c i a l t h a t t h e analyst m a i n t a i n h i s c a p a c i t y t o e n t e r t a i n a n y

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t h o u g h t , feeling, o r sensation that arose within h i m (see B i o n 1978, S y m i n g t o n 1 9 8 3 ) . N o p o s s i b l e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n o r r e s p o n s e t o t h e p a t i e n t was t o b e reflexively d i s m i s s e d o r stifled. It r e q u i r e d e n o r m o u s p s y c h o l o g i c a l effort o n t h e p a r t o f D r . F. t o resist b e c o m i n g m e c h a n i c a l , d e t a c h e d , o r i m i t a t i v e o f a n i d e a l i z e d v e r s i o n of his o w n analyst o r o f m e . D r . F. d e v e l o p e d h i s o w n style of t a k i n g p r o cess n o t e s in w h i c h h e was a b l e t o c a p t u r e s o m e t h i n g o f t h e totality o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e h o u r i n c l u d i n g t h e d e t a i l s of his o w n e x p e r i e n c e . I t h i n k o f this as t h e effort of t h e analyst to f o c u s u p o n t h e c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e aspects of t h e transferencec o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e as "total s i t u a t i o n " ( J o s e p h 1985, K l e i n 1952, O g d e n 1 9 9 1 a ) . I n o t h e r w o r d s , it is t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e , n o t simply t h e transference, t h a t constitutes t h e m a t r i x in w h i c h p s y c h o l o g i c a l m e a n i n g s a r e g e n e r a t e d in t h e analytic situation. As D r . F. w o u l d p r e s e n t t h e h o u r s t o m e i n o u r w e e k l y c o n s u l t a t i o n sessions, n e i t h e r o f u s felt pressured to draw one-to-one correspondences b e t w e e n D r . F.'s t h o u g h t s a n d feelings a n d t h o s e o f t h e p a t i e n t . A t times, we e a c h o f f e r e d t e n t a t i v e u n d e r s t a n d i n g s of the relationship b e t w e e n Dr. F.'s e x p e r i e n c e a n d w h a t was h a p p e n i n g in t h e a n a l y t i c h o u r . Usually, D r . F.'s r e v e r i e s w e r e s i m p l y n o t e d a n d were allowed to reverberate within h i m a n d w i t h i n m e as we l i s t e n e d t o t h e s u b s e q u e n t m a t e r i a l . W e s o m e t i m e s r e f e r r e d b a c k in o u r dis-

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Reverie and Interpretation c u s s i o n s t o r e v e r i e s t h a t D r . F. h a d p r e s e n t e d i n consultation m e e t i n g s weeks o r m o n t h s earlier. D r . F.'s t h o u g h t s i n t h e initial m o n t h s o f a n a l ysis o f t e n i n c l u d e d wishful i m a g e s o f h i s u p c o m i n g v a c a t i o n s o r o f m e m o r i e s of r e c e n t b r o w s i n g i n i n t e r e s t i n g s h o p s a n d b o o k s t o r e s d u r i n g h i s aftern o o n b r e a k s . T h e s e w e r e u n d e r s t o o d n o t s i m p l y as g e n e r i c e s c a p i s t fantasies, b u t i n e a c h i n s t a n c e w e r e felt t o reflect a specific r e s p o n s e t o w h a t was o c c u r r i n g in t h e analysis a t t h a t p a r t i c u l a r m o m e n t . A t o n e p o i n t , several o f D r . F.'s v a c a t i o n d a y d r e a m s were of a n unrealistically idealized sort a n d s e e m e d t o reflect t h e m a k e - b e l i e v e n a t u r e o f t h e analysis. T h e p a t i e n t d i d n o t w a n t a n a c t u a l analysis, h e defensively d e s i r e d a p e r f e c t o n e . I n o t h e r words, the analysand unconsciously wished f o r a n o m n i p o t e n t l y c r e a t e d analysis t h a t d i d n o t involve a c t u a l e n c o u n t e r s b e t w e e n h i m s e l f a n d a n o t h e r p e r s o n with all t h e a n x i e t i e s a s s o c i a t e d with t h e h u m a n lapses, m i s u n d e r s t a n d i n g s , a n d so o n that that would have entailed. D r . F. a t t e m p t e d t o k e e p alive in h i m s e l f h i s capacity to b e curious, to question, to c o m m e n t s p o n t a n e o u s l y o n w h a t was o c c u r r i n g in t h e a n a lytic i n t e r a c t i o n d e s p i t e t h e " c a n n e d " r e s p o n s e s t h a t h e w o u l d o f t e n receive f r o m t h e p a t i e n t . "Analytic e t i q u e t t e " was n o t t r e a t e d as s a c r e d by D r . F. m u c h to the surprise a n d disapproval of t h e patient. For instance, t h e patient at o n e p o i n t indic a t e d t h a t h e w a n t e d advice f r o m D r . F., b u t i m m e -

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d i a t e l y a d d e d t h a t h e k n e w t h a t D r . F. c o u l d n o t give h i m advice. D r . F. r e s p o n d e d by a s k i n g t h e p a t i e n t why h e c o u l d n o t give t h e p a t i e n t advice. I n t h e e n d , n o advice was given, a n d i n s t e a d t h e r e was a d i s c u s s i o n of t h e p a t i e n t ' s u s e of f a n t a s i e d r u l e s (his o w n o m n i p o t e n t c r e a t i o n s a n d p r o j e c t i o n s ) f o r t h e p u r p o s e of p r e v e n t i n g h i m s e l f f r o m e x p e r i e n c i n g a n d t h i n k i n g a b o u t t h e p e r s o n a l , idiosyncratic, u n p r e d i c t a b l e n a t u r e of t h e e x p e r i e n c e t h a t was o c c u r r i n g b e t w e e n D r . F. a n d h i m s e l f . W h e n D r . F. f o u n d h i m s e l f f e e l i n g c u r i o u s a b o u t a n a s p e c t o f t h e m a t e r i a l t h a t t h e p a t i e n t was discussing, h e asked t h e p a t i e n t for f u r t h e r details even w h e n the questions s e e m e d tangential. For e x a m p l e , a t o n e p o i n t , D r . F. a s k e d t h e p a t i e n t for t h e n a m e of a r e s t a u r a n t that t h e patient h a d pare n t h e t i c a l l y m e n t i o n e d h a v i n g e n j o y e d t h e previo u s e v e n i n g . T h e analyst was well a w a r e t h a t t h e omission o f t h e detail (the n a m e o f t h e restaurant) very likely r e p r e s e n t e d a way o f t a n t a l i z i n g a n d e x c l u d i n g t h e analyst (a p r o j e c t i o n o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s c u r i o s i t y a n d f e e l i n g o f e x c l u s i o n f r o m t h e life o f t h e a n a l y s t ) . H o w e v e r , a t t h e t i m e , D r . F. d e c i d e d t o ask ( p e r h a p s m o r e a c c u r a t e l y , f o u n d h i m s e l f a s k i n g ) f o r t h e detail' a b o u t w h i c h h e felt c u r i o u s while deferring exploration of t h e tantalizing effect of t h e o m i s s i o n of this p a r t i c u l a r d e t a i l . (Coltart [1986] has m a d e a similar r e c o m m e n d a tion with r e g a r d to allowing oneself to laugh at a patient's j o k e s before analyzing the conscious a n d

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Reverie and Interpretation u n c o n s c i o u s m o t i v a t i o n s of t h e p a t i e n t ' s wish t o g e t t h e analyst to laugh.) It s h o u l d b e e m p h a s i z e d t h a t w h i l e D r . F. a t t e m p t e d t o i n s u r e s p a c e i n t h e analysis f o r s p o n t a n e i t y a n d " f r e e d o m o f t h o u g h t , " h e by n o m e a n s t r e a t e d t h e analytic frame i n a cavalier m a n n e r — h o u r s w e r e b e g u n a n d e n d e d i n a t i m e l y way; casual conversation d i d n o t o c c u r b e t w e e n t h e waiting r o o m a n d t h e c o n s u l t i n g r o o m ; suggest i o n , r e a s s u r a n c e , e x h o r t a t i o n , a n d t h e like p l a y e d n o l a r g e r a p a r t i n this analysis t h a n in o t h e r s c o n d u c t e d by this c a r e f u l a n d t h o u g h t f u l analyst. F o r m o s t o f t h e first y e a r o f analysis, D r . F. felt t h a t t h e life o f t h e analysis r e s i d e d a l m o s t e n t i r e l y in his own capacity to m a i n t a i n his f r e e d o m for r e v e r i e d u r i n g t h e a n a l y t i c h o u r s a n d in h i s discuss i o n s w i t h m e of t h e s e reveries. By t h e b e g i n n i n g o f t h e first h a l f of t h e s e c o n d y e a r o f analysis, t h e p a t i e n t b e g a n t o e v i d e n c e c h a n g e s i n h i s ability t o s p e a k with a voice of his own t h a t n o l o n g e r s e e m e d q u i t e as cliche"d, s t e r e o t y p i c , a n d i m i t a t i v e as b e f o r e . H o w e v e r , t h e c h a n g e s s e e m e d fragile a n d s h o r t - l i v e d t o D r . F. I n t h i s p e r i o d o f analysis, D r . F. p r e s e n t e d a s e s s i o n i n c o n s u l t a t i o n i n w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t was s i l e n t f o r t h e first few m i n u t e s of t h e m e e t i n g . D r . F. t o l d m e t h a t d u r i n g t h i s p e r i o d o f s i l e n c e h e h a d b e e n t h i n k i n g a b o u t t h e fact t h a t I w o u l d b e s p e n d i n g m y Christmas b r e a k in Hawaii. H e w o n d e r e d if I w o u l d b r i n g C h r i s t m a s p r e s e n t s a l o n g

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w i t h m e o n t h e trip, all w r a p p e d i n s h i n y r e d a n d g r e e n p a p e r . H e i m a g i n e d h o w o d d it w o u l d b e t o e x c h a n g e C h r i s t m a s gifts i n H a w a i i a n d p i c t u r e d m y wife g i v i n g m e a w o o l e n s w e a t e r as a C h r i s t m a s gift. I c o m m e n t e d t h a t I t h o u g h t D r . F. was e x p r e s s i n g s k e p t i c i s m a b o u t s o m e of t h e i d e a s t h a t w e h a d b e e n d i s c u s s i n g in t h e c o u r s e o f t h e s u p e r vision, p a r t i c u l a r l y t h e e m p h a s i s I h a d b e e n placi n g o n t h e i m p o r t a n c e of D r . F.'s c a p a c i t y for creativity a n d s p o n t a n e i t y in h i s w o r k (as o p p o s e d t o a d o p t i n g reflexive, imitative, p r e - f a b r i c a t e d approaches). I n t h e c o u r s e o f d i s c u s s i n g D r . F.'s r e v e r i e c o n c e r n i n g m y v a c a t i o n , I said t o D r . F. t h a t I t h o u g h t t h a t h e was d e p i c t i n g m e as p a r t i c i p a t i n g i n a self-deceptive c h a r a d e in w h i c h I was t r e a t i n g C h r i s t m a s as s o m e t h i n g t h a t c o u l d b e d u g u p a n d m o v e d from o n e place to a n o t h e r without any c h a n g e in t h e e x p e r i e n c e as o n e m i g h t m o v e a p l a n t f r o m o n e s i d e of a g a r d e n t o a n o t h e r . T h e f e e l i n g i n t h e d a y d r e a m was t h a t C h r i s t m a s h a d b e c o m e e n t i r e l y a f o r m f o r m e a n d t h a t I h a d lost t o u c h with any m e a n i n g o r feeling b e y o n d t h e c o n v e n t i o n a l activities a s s o c i a t e d w i t h it. T h i s reve r i e d e p i c t e d D r . F.'s. d i s a p p o i n t m e n t , as well as s o m e d e g r e e o f c o m p e t i t i v e p l e a s u r e , in v i e w i n g m e as l a c k i n g s e l f - u n d e r s t a n d i n g with r e g a r d t o m y own mechanicalness. I t s e e m e d t o b o t h D r . F. a n d t o m e t h a t D r . F. was s a y i n g t o b o t h o f us, " O g d e n talks a g o o d g a m e

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Reverie and Interpretation a b o u t realness, authenticity, genuineness, spontaneity, a n d so o n , b u t w h e n it c o m e s d o w n t o it, m a y b e h e d o e s n ' t k n o w what's real a n d what isn't." D r . F. a n d I d i s c u s s e d t h e way i n w h i c h m y p l a c i n g a p r e m i u m on spontaneity may have created a d i l e m m a o f s o r t s for D r . F.: h e m a y h a v e b e g u n t o find h i m s e l f a t t e m p t i n g t o " t r a i n h i m s e l f t o b e spontaneous. T o m a k e matters worse, h e may have u n c o n s c i o u s l y felt t h a t " a c h i e v i n g s p o n t a n e i t y " w o u l d involve i m i t a t i n g m e . D r . F. c a m e t o s e e m o r e clearly as a r e s u l t o f t h e d i s c u s s i o n o f t h i s Christmas reverie t h a t his p a t i e n t h a d b e e n labori n g u n d e r a s i m i l a r b u r d e n i n t h e analysis f o r s o m e time. F o r m o n t h s , D r . C. h a d said t h a t h e felt a n i n t e r n a l p r e s s u r e t o b e " o n " i n analysis, t h a t is, t o b e i n t e r e s t i n g t o D r . F. O n l y a t this p o i n t d i d D r . C. 's c o m m e n t t a k e o n a n a n a l y t i c m e a n i n g ( b e c o m e a n "analytic o b j e c t " ) t h a t c o u l d b e symb o l i z e d , r e f l e c t e d u p o n , a n d i n t e r p r e t e d : D r . F. felt t h a t h e n o w b e t t e r u n d e r s t o o d t h a t t h e patient's internal pressure to b e "on" reflected t h e p a t i e n t ' s u n c o n s c i o u s fantasy t h a t h e c o u l d o n l y b e alive f o r D r . F. t o t h e d e g r e e t h a t h e c o u l d l e a r n t o t h i n k , feel, s p e a k , a n d b e h a v e i n a m a n n e r like o r t h e s a m e as D r . F. T h i s p l a c e d t h e p a t i e n t i n a n i m p o s s i b l e p o s i t i o n i n w h i c h f e e l i n g alive a n d b e i n g i n t e r e s t i n g t o D r . F. h a d b e c o m e synonym o u s . P a r a d o x i c a l l y , t h e i d e a o f f e e l i n g alive h a d f o r D r . C. b e c o m e u n c o n s c i o u s l y e q u i v a l e n t t o b e c o m i n g ( a n i d e a l i z e d v e r s i o n of) D r . F.

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In t h e c o u r s e of t h e s u c c e e d i n g weeks of analysis, D r . F. o f f e r e d t o t h e a n a l y s a n d h i s u n d e r s t a n d i n g of this d i l e m m a t h a t h e believed to u n d e r l i e Dr. C.'s feeling of pressure to b e "on" in analysis. B o t h t h i s i n t e r p r e t a t i o n a n d D r . F.'s selfu n d e r s t a n d i n g u p o n w h i c h it r e s t e d f a c i l i t a t e d t h e c r e a t i o n o f psychological s p a c e i n t h e analysis in w h i c h b o t h t h e p a t i e n t a n d t h e analyst w e r e able to c o n t i n u e to develop their capacity to generate thoughts, feelings a n d sensations w i t h o u t f e e l i n g t h a t t h e r e was a n u n s t a t e d s c r i p t o r p a r a d i g m t h a t e i t h e r o f t h e m was b e i n g a s k e d t o m o u t h or imitate. I n t h e clinical s e q u e n c e j u s t d e s c r i b e d , it was e s s e n t i a l f o r t h e analyst t o b e a b l e t o h a v e h i s o w n t h o u g h t s i n d e p e n d e n t o f m i n e ( w h i c h n e e d was symb o l i z e d by D r . F.'s u n c o n s c i o u s c r i t i c i s m o f m e i n t h e C h r i s t m a s r e v e r i e ) . O n l y w h e n D r . F. b e c a m e a w a r e o f t h e way i n w h i c h h i s o w n c a p a c i t y f o r o r i g i n a l t h o u g h t h a d b e e n p a r a l y z e d by his f e a r o f c o n f r o n t i n g h i s d e f e n s i v e i d e a l i z a t i o n of m e , c o u l d h e r e g a i n h i s full c a p a c i t y f o r r e v e r i e . D r . F.'s s y m b o l i z a t i o n of, a n d u n d e r s t a n d i n g of, this d e f e n s i v e p r o c e s s as it was p o r t r a y e d i n t h e C h r i s t m a s r e v e r i e f o r m e d t h e basis f o r h i s i n t e r p r e t a t i o n o f h i s p a t i e n t ' s futile a t t e m p t s t o overc o m e h i s o w n e x p e r i e n c e o f d e a d n e s s by (in fantasy) a t t e m p t i n g t o b e c o m e a p e r f e c t p a t i e n t , t h a t is, t o b e c o m e a defensively i d e a l i z e d v e r s i o n o f h i s c o n c e p tion of a n analytic patient.

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Reverie and Interpretation IV

T h e final clinical v i g n e t t e t h a t I shall p r e s e n t will f o c u s o n t h e p r o b l e m o f " c o m p e t i n g " ( T u s t i n 1980, s e e also O g d e n 1989a, b ) with a f o r m o f d e a d n e s s t h a t involves a p a t h o l o g i c a l l y autistic a s p e c t of p e r s o n a l i t y . I n t h e analysis o f a d u l t p a t i e n t s , t h e autistic c o m p o n e n t o f t h e p e r s o n a l i t y is o f t e n n o t a t all e v i d e n t in t h e b e g i n n i n g o f analysis (S. K l e i n 1 9 8 0 ) . T h i s was t h e c a s e i n t h e analysis o f M r s . S. I n t h e initial a n a l y t i c m e e t i n g , M r s . S. t a l k e d a b o u t h e r difficulties in " g e t t i n g h e r life t o g e t h e r . " S h e h a d n o t b e e n a b l e t o g r a d u a t e f r o m c o l l e g e as a r e s u l t o f h e r inability t o c o n c e n t r a t e . H e r m a r r i a g e was in d i s a r r a y a n d s h e felt o n t h e e d g e o f p a n i c . It is n o t p o s s i b l e in t h e s p a c e o f t h e p r e s e n t p a p e r t o offer a n a c c o u n t o f t h e s t a g e s of t h e evol u t i o n of t h e analytic p r o c e s s o v e r t h e first e i g h t y e a r s o f this five s e s s i o n p e r w e e k analysis. T h e o u t c o m e of t h e s e y e a r s of w o r k m i g h t very b r o a d l y b e s u m m a r i z e d by s a y i n g t h a t d e s p i t e t h e fact t h a t t h e r e h a d b e e n i m p o r t a n t c h a n g e s in t h e p a t i e n t ' s ability t o f u n c t i o n in t h e w o r l d (for e x a m p l e , s h e was a b l e t o g r a d u a t e f r o m c o l l e g e a n d h o l d a responsible j o b ) , t h e patient's capacity to e n t e r i n t o r e l a t i o n s h i p s with o t h e r p e o p l e r e m a i n e d very l i m i t e d . Mrs. S. a n d h e r h u s b a n d s l e p t in s e p a r a t e b e d r o o m s a n d o n occasion engaged in what the p a t i e n t d e s c r i b e d as " m e c h a n i c a l sex." It h a d

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r e q u i r e d m o r e t h a n five y e a r s o f analysis for t h e patient to even recognize that she " m a n a g e d " h e r t h r e e c h i l d r e n as if s h e w e r e " a n e m p l o y e e o f a d a y c a r e c e n t e r " a n d t h a t s h e h a d very littie s e n s e o f e a c h of t h e m as i n d i v i d u a l s . H e r f r i e n d s h i p s w e r e s h a l l o w a n d o n l y t o w a r d t h e e n d of t h e seve n t h y e a r o f analysis d i d s h e b e g i n t o feel t h e a b s e n c e o f l o v i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p s in h e r life. I n t h e analytic r e l a t i o n s h i p , I was a g a i n a n d a g a i n s t u n n e d (in a way t h a t I h a v e r a r e l y e x p e r i e n c e d w i t h o t h e r p a t i e n t s ) by t h e d e p t h of t h e p a t i e n t ' s inability t o e v i d e n c e o r e x p e r i e n c e a n y w a r m t h t o w a r d m e . It was n o t t h a t Mrs. S. d i d n o t feel d e p e n d e n t o n m e . S h e was g r e a d y d i s t r e s s e d by w e e k e n d b r e a k s , v a c a t i o n s ( h e r o w n as well as m i n e ) , t h e e n d of e a c h session, a n d w o u l d freq u e n d y t e l e p h o n e m y a n s w e r i n g m a c h i n e in o r d e r t o h e a r m y voice ( w i t h o u t l e a v i n g a m e s s a g e of h e r o w n ) . H o w e v e r , Mrs. S. e x p e r i e n c e d h e r d e p e n d e n c e n o t as a p e r s o n a l a t t a c h m e n t , b u t as a n addiction that she deeply resented. She once i n s t r u c t e d m e , "A h e r o i n a d d i c t d o e s n o t love h e r o i n . T h e fact t h a t s h e ' l l kill t o g e t it d o e s n ' t m e a n s h e loves it o r feels a n y k i n d of affection f o r it." T h e p a t i e n t felt powerfully u n t o u c h a b l e i n h e r i s o l a t i o n a n d s e e m e d t o v a l u e this f e e l i n g of " b e i n g i m m u n e t o h u m a n v u l n e r a b i l i t i e s " m o r e t h a n a n y t h i n g else i n life. T h i s " u n t o u c h a b l e " quality was r e f l e c t e d in h e r a n o r e c t i c s y m p t o m a t o l o g y . T h e p a t i e n t subsisted o n a d i e t of fruit, g r a i n s a n d v e g e t a b l e s a n d

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Reverie and Interpretation o r g a n i z e d h e r life a r o u n d a rigorous exercise regime that included marathon jogging and the e x t e n s i v e u s e of a s t a t i o n a r y bicycle. T h e p a t i e n t e x e r c i s e d vigorously f o r a t least t h r e e h o u r s every day. If t h e e x e r c i s e r o u t i n e w e r e in a n y way disr u p t e d (for e x a m p l e , by illness o r by travel), t h e p a t i e n t w o u l d e x p e r i e n c e a state of i n t e n s e a n x i e t y t h a t o n two o c c a s i o n s d e v e l o p e d i n t o a full b l o w n p a n i c a t t a c k . Mrs. S., a t t h e b e g i n n i n g o f t h e analysis, e x p e r i e n c e d n o a p p e t i t e for f o o d , sex, i d e a s , art, o r a n y t h i n g else. T h e p a t i e n t ' s w e i g h t h e l d t h e g r e a t e s t i m p o r t a n c e for h e r : by m a i n t a i n i n g a p a r ticular w e i g h t (at t h e very low e n d o f w h a t s h e c o u l d t o l e r a t e physiologically w i t h o u t falling physically ill), s h e e x p e r i e n c e d a f o r m of p o w e r t h a t a l l o w e d h e r in fantasy t o c o n t r o l e v e r y t h i n g t h a t m i g h t occur b o t h within h e r a n d outside of her. It w o u l d b e i n a c c u r a t e t o say t h a t t h e p a t i e n t always felt n u m b o r w i t h o u t f e e l i n g s in t h e a n a l y t i c h o u r s . M r s . S. f r e q u e n t i y e x p e r i e n c e d i n t e n s e anger, which she called "hatred," toward m e . However, h e r a n g e r n e v e r s e e m e d p e r s o n a l . By this I m e a n t h a t it n e v e r felt as if h e r a n g e r h a d a n y t h i n g to d o with m e . T h e h a t r e d did n o t even s e e m to b e t h e p a t i e n t ' s p e r s o n a l c r e a t i o n ; r a t h e r , it s e e m e d like a b l i n d , reflexive a l m o s t convulsive t h r a s h i n g a b o u t that o c c u r r e d w h e n h e r sense of absolute c o n t r o l a n d o w n e r s h i p o f m e was c o m p r o m i s e d . S i n c e I was t h e p e r s o n / o b j e c t w h o h a p p e n e d t o b e t h e r e , it was I w h o h a p p e n e d t o b e t h e o b j e c t o f

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h e r r a g e . M r s . S.'s criticism o f m e always i n v o l v e d h e r p r o j e c t i v e fantasy o f m y o m n i p o t e n c e : s h e felt t h a t I c o u l d easily give h e r w h a t s h e n e e d e d if I c h o s e t o , b u t I s t u b b o r n l y r e f u s e d t o d o so. O t h e r than h e r single-minded crusade to gain access to m y fantasied o m n i p o t e n t p o w e r t h e r e s e e m e d t o b e very little a b o u t m e t h a t was of i n t e r e s t t o t h e p a t i e n t . I t was difficult f o r m e t o a c c e p t h o w little I s e e m e d t o m e a n t o this p a t i e n t o u t s i d e o f t h e t e r m s o f t h e fantasy I a m d i s c u s s i n g . F o r years, I h e l d t o t h e b e l i e f t h a t Mrs. S. s e c r e t l y l o v e d m e ( a l b e i t i n a p r i m i t i v e way), felt a f o r m of c o n c e r n f o r m e , k n e w s o m e t h i n g a b o u t w h o I a m as a p e r s o n , b u t s t u b b o r n l y r e f u s e d t o a d m i t it. T h i s b e l i e f was b a s e d o n t h e i n t e n s i t y o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s feeling of d e p e n d e n c e o n m e in conjunction with t h e fact t h a t I felt c o n c e r n f o r a n d i n t e r e s t i n h e r . A t t i m e s , I i n t e r p r e t e d w h a t I felt t o b e t h e patient's anxiety a b o u t acknowledging any feeling o f h u m a n c o n n e c t i o n w i t h m e f o r f e a r o f t h e loss of control over h e r external a n d internal world t h a t t h a t w o u l d e n t a i l . S h e w o u l d r e s p o n d by sayi n g t h a t w h a t I . s a i d m i g h t b e t r u e , b u t s h e was n o t a w a r e o f f e e l i n g affection, love, w a r m t h o r e v e n c o n c e r n f o r m e o r f o r a n y o n e else f o r t h a t m a t t e r . T h e d e f e n s i v e f u n c t i o n of s u c h a s t a n c e o n t h e p a t i e n t ' s p a r t was d i s c u s s e d o n m a n y o c c a s i o n s , b u t d i d n o t l e a d t o a n y d i s c e r n i b l e affective c h a n g e . ( T h e s e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s felt i n c r e a s i n g l y stale t o b o t h t h e p a t i e n t a n d t o m e . )

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Reverie and Interpretation P e r h a p s it was t h e p a t i e n t ' s r e s p o n s e t o t h e d e a t h o f m y f a t h e r t h a t was t h e b e g i n n i n g o f m y l o o s e n i n g of my h o l d o n t h e belief that t h e p a t i e n t s e c r e t i y felt s o m e f o r m o f love o r c o n c e r n f o r m e . T h e e v e n t s t r a n s p i r i n g b e t w e e n Mrs. S. a n d myself a r o u n d this e v e n t (in t h e e i g h t h y e a r o f analysis) l e d m e t o feel t h a t t h e r e was a q u a l i t a t i v e difference between the h u m a n disconnectedness a c h i e v e d by Mrs. S. a n d f o r m s o f d e f e n s e a g a i n s t t h e d a n g e r s o f love a n d h a t e t h a t I h a d e n c o u n t e r e d w i t h o t h e r p a t i e n t s . After r e c e i v i n g t h e u n e x p e c t e d news of my father's d e a t h , I t e l e p h o n e d m y p a t i e n t s a n d s u p e r v i s e e s t o tell t h e m t h a t t h e r e h a d b e e n a d e a t h in m y family a n d t h a t I w o u l d b e c a n c e l i n g several days' m e e t i n g s . I t o l d e a c h o f t h e m t h a t I w o u l d p h o n e t h e m t o tell t h e m w h e n I w o u l d b e r e s u m i n g work. W h e n I s p o k e with Mrs. S., s h e r e c e i v e d t h e n e w s quietly, b u t i m m e d i a t e l y a s k e d m e if I k n e w a p p r o x i m a t e l y w h e n I w o u l d b e r e t u r n i n g t o w o r k . I said t h a t I d i d n o t k n o w , b u t w o u l d let h e r k n o w w h e n I d i d . I n o u r first m e e t i n g after m y r e t u r n , M r s . S. s a i d t h a t s h e was "sorry t h a t s o m e o n e i n m y family h a d d i e d . " T h e r e was u n m i s t a k a b l e a n g e r i n h e r v o i c e as s h e u n d e r s c o r e d t h e v a g u e n e s s o f t h e w o r d " s o m e o n e . " S h e fell s i l e n t f o r a few m i n u t e s a n d t h e n said t h a t it m a d e h e r feel f u r i o u s n o t t o k n o w w h o it was w h o h a d d i e d a n d said t h a t s h e felt t h a t I h a d b e e n sadistic in n o t g i v i n g h e r t h a t information when I p h o n e d her. She added that

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s h e was c e r t a i n t h a t I h a d t o l d all m y o t h e r p a t i e n t s w h o it was i n m y family t h a t h a d d i e d . D u r i n g this i n t e r c h a n g e , I felt d e e p l y d i s t u r b e d by a r e c o g n i tion a g a i n s t w h i c h I h a d s t r u g g l e d f o r m o s t o f a d e c a d e : it s e e m e d t o m e t h a t M r s . S. was u n a b l e t o feel a n y t h i n g for m e as a h u m a n b e i n g b e y o n d h e r n e e d t o p r o t e c t h e r s e l f by m e a n s o f h e r efforts t o magically e n t e r m e a n d control m e from within. A t this p o i n t i n t h e m e e t i n g , I b e g a n t o r e c a l l t h e d e t a i l s of t h e f e e l i n g s t h a t I h a d felt d u r i n g t h e t e l e p h o n e call t h a t I h a d m a d e t o M r s . S. s o o n after I l e a r n e d of m y f a t h e r ' s d e a t h . I r e m e m b e r e d w i t h g r e a t vividness t h e f e e l i n g o f a t t e m p t i n g t o c o n t r o l m y v o i c e as I s p o k e t o h e r i n a n effort t o h o l d b a c k t e a r s . I w o n d e r e d w h e t h e r it was possib l e t h a t s h e h a d h e a r d n o t h i n g of t h a t . H o w c o u l d s h e h a v e n o t e x p e r i e n c e d t h a t m o m e n t (as I h a d ) as o n e i n w h i c h t h e r e h a d b e e n a close c o n n e c t i o n b e t w e e n t h e two of us? I n s t e a d , s h e a p p a r e n d y e x p e r i e n c e d it as still a n o t h e r o c c a s i o n i n w h i c h h e r o m n i p o t e n t wishes h a d b e e n f r u s t r a t e d . I c o u l d h e a r t h e voice with w h i c h I was s p e a k i n g t o myself a t t h a t m o m e n t in t h e m e e t i n g as t h e v o i c e o f a p e r s o n e x p e r i e n c i n g a s e n s e of i n p e n e t r a b l e a l i e n a t i o n from M r s . S.; a t t h e s a m e time, I also r e c o g n i z e d s o m e t h i n g else i n t h a t voice f o r t h e first t i m e . I t was t h e v o i c e o f a s p u r n e d l o v e r . I t o c c u r r e d t o m e t h a t M r s . S. lived i n a w o r l d i n w h i c h two d i f f e r e n t f o r m s of h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e each disguised the other.

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Reverie and Interpretation A t t h a t j u n c t u r e , I felt t h a t I h a d a r r i v e d a t t h e beginnings of a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g of s o m e t h i n g a b o u t t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n Mrs. S. a n d m y s e l f that I h a d n o t previously grasped. This n e w u n d e r s t a n d i n g d i d n o t serve t o p r o t e c t m e f r o m t h e c h i l l i n g i n h u m a n n e s s t h a t I h a d s e n s e d i n M r s . S. a n d which I k n e w reflected i m p o r t a n t autistic a n d paranoid-schizoid e l e m e n t s in h e r personality; neit h e r d i d it serve t o d i m t h e r e c o g n i t i o n t h a t a l o n g s i d e t h e s e p o w e r f u l autistic a n d p a r a n o i d - s c h i z o i d d e f e n s e s was a c a p a c i t y f o r h u m a n love. I c o u l d a t this p o i n t s e e in r e t r o s p e c t t h a t it was i n p a r t m y o w n l a c k of c o m p a s s i o n f o r Mrs. S. a n d h e r w i s h e s t o c o m f o r t m e as my wife t h a t h a d l e d m e t o b l i n d myself t o t h e fact t h a t h e r s e e m i n g a b s e n c e o f compassion r e p r e s e n t e d a c o m p l e x interplay of two p o w e r f u l , c o e x i s t i n g a s p e c t s o f h e r p e r s o n a l i t y . S h e h a d b e e n c o n c e r n e d a b o u t m e a n d felt d e s p o n d e n t t h a t h e r love was u n r e c o g n i z a b l e t o m e (for e x a m p l e , as r e f l e c t e d in m y n o t a l l o w i n g h e r t o c o m f o r t m e ) . A t t h e s a m e t i m e t h e r e was a n i m p o r t a n t way in w h i c h M r s . S. was u n a b l e t o c o m e t o life a s a h u m a n b e i n g a n d i n s t e a d o c c u p i e d a m e c h a n i c a l , o m n i p o t e n t w o r l d o f (1) r e l a t e d n e s s t o "autistic s h a p e s " a n d "autistic o b j e c t s " ( T u s t i n 1980, 1984) (for e x a m p l e , t h e m e c h a n i c a l , self-sufficiency i n v o l v e d in t h e s e n s a t i o n - w o r l d o f e x e r c i s e a n d d i e t ) a n d , (2) p a r a n o i d - s c h i z o i d f a n t a s i e s o f e n t e r i n g m e a n d parasitically living i n m e a n d through me.

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I h a d b e e n u n a b l e t o live w i t h , f o r m u l a t e , a n d i n t e r p r e t f o r myself a n d f o r t h e p a t i e n t t h e m u t u ally o b s c u r i n g i n t e r r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n b e i n g alive a n d b e i n g d e a d (i.e., t h e c o e x i s t e n c e of depressive, paranoid-schizoid a n d autistic-contiguo u s [ O g d e n 1989a, b ] d i m e n s i o n s o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s p e r s o n a l i t y ) . Mrs. S. h a d l o v e d m e a n d h a d felt n o t h i n g w h a t s o e v e r f o r m e a t t h e s a m e time. I h a d e x p e r i e n c e d affection for h e r ( w h i c h I c a m e t o r e c o g n i z e m o r e fully i n m y e x p e r i e n c e of f e e l i n g like a s p u r n e d l o v e r ) , b u t c o u l d n o t allow myself t o feel w a r m t h o r a t t i m e s e v e n feel c o m p a s s i o n f o r s o m e o n e w h o was s o clearly i n h u m a n a n d i n h u m a n e (for e x a m p l e , i n h e r t r e a t m e n t o f h e r h u s b a n d , h e r children a n d in h e r response to m e , p a r t i c u l a r l y after m y f a t h e r ' s d e a t h ) . L a t e r in t h e session t h a t I a m d e s c r i b i n g , I said t o Mrs. S. t h a t I . t h o u g h t I h a d u n d e r e s t i m a t e d two t h i n g s in o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p : t h e a m o u n t o f affection t h a t t h e r e was a n d t h e d e g r e e t o w h i c h n o r e l a t i o n s h i p a t all e x i s t e d b e t w e e n us. W h e n I lost s i g h t of o n e o r t h e o t h e r f a c e t o f t h e s i t u a t i o n , I failed t o u n d e r s t a n d t h e totality o f w h o s h e is a n d w h o w e are together. I added that I thought that the degree i t o w h i c h it was p o s s i b l e f o r t h e r e t o b e n o h u m a n tie b e t w e e n u s h a d d i m i n i s h e d in t h e t i m e t h a t we h a d k n o w n o n e a n o t h e r , b u t t h a t it r e m a i n e d a c o n s i d e r a b l e f o r c e t o b e r e c k o n e d with. Mrs. S. r e s p o n d e d by saying t h a t I h a d n e v e r s p o k e n t o h e r i n t h a t way b e f o r e . Previously, s h e

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Reverie and Interpretation h a d always felt t h a t t h e r e was a way i n w h i c h I w a s as c o l d as s h e was a n d t h a t s h e c o u l d h e a r t h e icin e s s i n m y voice. S h e c o u l d n o t d e t e c t t h a t c o l d n e s s i n m e j u s t n o w . Mrs. S. w e n t o n t o say t h a t s h e d i d n o t b e l i e v e t h a t t h a t iciness was g o n e , b u t a t least it d i d n o t d o m i n a t e e v e r y t h i n g t h a t o c c u r r e d b e t w e e n us f o r t h e m o m e n t . I u n d e r s t o o d this t o b e a s t a t e m e n t o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s f e e l i n g o f r e l i e f in h e r s e n s e t h a t s h e c o u l d a c c e p t u n d e r s t a n d i n g f r o m m e , w h i c h was something she never before h a d b e e n able to d o w i t h o u t i m m e d i a t e l y a t t a c k i n g it, o r m o r e o f t e n , w i t h d r a w i n g i n t o a state o f a u t i s t i c self-sufficiency o r o m n i p o t e n t p a r a n o i d - s c h i z o i d d e f e n s i v e fantasy. My i n t e r p r e t a t i o n h a d d e n i e d n e i t h e r h e r emotional deadness (her paranoid-schizoid a n d autistic-contiguous m o d e s of p r o t e c t i n g herself) n o r h e r increased capacity to e x p e r i e n c e a h u m a n c o n n e c t i o n t o m e ( a l b e i t very s p a r i n g l y a c k n o w l e d g e d by h e r ) . Concluding

Comments

I h a v e p r e s e n t e d f o u r clinical d i s c u s s i o n s in a n effort t o i l l u s t r a t e ways i n w h i c h t h e s e n s e o f aliveness a n d d e a d ness are g e n e r a t e d a n d experienced in a n d t h r o u g h t h e i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e analytic t h i r d . I n e a c h of t h e c l i n i c a l situations described, t h e analyst a t t e m p t e d to create a n a l y t i c m e a n i n g ("analytic o b j e c t s " ) f r o m t h a t w h i c h h a d b e e n unconsciously p r e s e n t in, a n d powerfully

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s h a p i n g of, t h e a n a l y t i c e n c o u n t e r , b u t h a d b e e n forec l o s e d f r o m t h e a n a l y t i c d i s c o u r s e . It was t h r o u g h t h e analyst's use of his reveries, his unobtrusive, q u o t i d i a n , t h o u g h t s , feelings, a n d s e n s a t i o n s ( o f t e n s e e m i n g l y u n r e l a t e d t o t h e p a t i e n t ) t h a t specific, verbally s y m b o l ized m e a n i n g s were g e n e r a t e d a n d eventually utilized i n t h e i n t e r p r e t i v e p r o c e s s . I n t h e f o u r analyses described, t h e particular quality of t h e e x p e r i e n c e of aliveness a n d d e a d n e s s g e n e r a t e d i n t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e c o u n t e r transference constituted an important intersubj e c t i v e c o n s t r u c t i o n t h a t r e f l e c t e d a c e n t r a l a s p e c t of t h e analysand's pathologically structured internal object world.

T h e

P e r v e r s e

S u b j e c t

of

Analysis

I t is b y n o w widely a c c e p t e d t h a t t h e analysis of p e r v e r s i o n is n o t f u n d a m e n t a l l y a p r o c e s s o f d e c o d i n g a n d i n t e r p r e t i n g t h e u n c o n s c i o u s fantasies, a n x i e t i e s , a n d d e f e n s e s t h a t a r e e n a c t e d in t h e p e r v e r s e p a t i e n t ' s sexu a l activity. I n s t e a d , it h a s b e c o m e i n c r e a s i n g l y r e c o g n i z e d t h a t t h e analysis o f p e r v e r s i o n c e n t r a l l y involves t h e u n d e r s t a n d i n g a n d interpretation of transference p h e n o m e n a t h a t a r e s t r u c t u r e d by t h e p a t i e n t ' s p e r v e r s e i n t e r n a l o b j e c t w o r l d ( M a l c o l m 1970, M e l t z e r 1 9 7 3 ) . I b e l i e v e it is i m p o r t a n t t h a t this evolving u n d e r s t a n d i n g b e d e v e l o p e d a s t e p f u r t h e r : i n m y view, t h e analysis o f p e r v e r s i o n n e c e s s a r i l y involves t h e analysis o f t h e perverse transference-countertransference as it unfolds in t h e analytic relationship. In analyzing perversion, o n e c a n n o t h o p e to u n d e r s t a n d w h a t t h e p a t i e n t is a t t e m p t i n g t o c o m m u n i cate without (to s o m e extent) e n t e r i n g into t h e per67

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v e r s e s c e n e t h a t is b e i n g c r e a t e d i n t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e . As a r e s u l t , a n analyst a t t e m p t i n g t o w r i t e a b o u t t h e analysis of p e r v e r s i o n m u s t d e s c r i b e s o m e t h i n g o f h i s o w n e x p e r i e n c e i n (of) t h e p e r v e r s e transference-countertransference; otherwise, h e m u s t c o n t e n t himself with p r e s e n t i n g a desiccated, d e t a c h e d , a n d u l t i m a t e l y false p i c t u r e o f t h e analysis t h a t fails t o c a p t u r e t h e e x p e r i e n c e of t h e Siren s o n g of t h e perverse scene in which h e has unwittingly participated.1 I n t h i s c h a p t e r , I will i l l u s t r a t e , t h r o u g h a d e t a i l e d clinical d i s c u s s i o n , t h e way i n w h i c h a f o r m o f p e r v e r s i t y of t h e transference-countertransference derives from a c o r e e x p e r i e n c e of psychological deadness. T h e story o f t h i s f o r m of p e r v e r s i o n is t h e f a n t a s i e d h i s t o r y o f t h e stillbirth o f t h e self r e s u l t i n g f r o m a n u n c o n s c i o u s l y f a n t a s i e d e m p t y p a r e n t a l i n t e r c o u r s e . I t is a s t o r y t h a t c a n n o t b e t o l d (i.e., e x p e r i e n c e d by t h e s u b j e c t ) s i n c e t h e s u b j e c t (a s t i l l b o r n i n f a n t ) is d e a d a n d t h e r e f o r e

1. The perverse intersubjective constructions generated in the course ofthe analysis of perversion are, in my experience, inevitably (to a considerable degree) inaccessible to the analyst's conscious awareness as they are unfolding. It is therefore necessary for the analyst to attempt ". . . to catch the drift ofthe patient's unconscious with his own unconscious" (Freud 1923a, p. 239). The analyst must in a sense come to understand the perverse transferencecountertransference "after the fact," i.e., in the course of his doing the psychological work required to become aware of his own unconscious experience of (and participation in) the perverse transference-countertransference.

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t h e very a c t of t e l l i n g ( c r e a t i n g ) a story is a lie, a c h a r a d e . P a r a d o x i c a l l y , t h e lie a n d t h e r e c o g n i t i o n of its f a l s e h o o d i n t h e c o n t e x t o f a n analytic d i s c o u r s e is t h e o n l y r e a l l o c u s o f t r u t h ( t h e o n l y e x p e r i e n c e t h a t feels real to b o t h analyst a n d analysand). T h e t y p e o f p e r v e r s e p r o c e s s t h a t will b e d i s c u s s e d is u n d e r s t o o d as c e n t r a l l y i n v o l v i n g t h e s u b v e r s i o n o f t h e r e c o g n i t i o n of t h e p s y c h o l o g i c a l d e a t h o f t h e subj e c t ( a n d o f t h e e m p t i n e s s o f t h e analytic d i s c o u r s e i n w h i c h h e o r s h e is e n g a g e d ) , a n d t h e r e p l a c e m e n t o f t h i s r e c o g n i t i o n w i t h a n illusory s u b j e c t , t h e p e r v e r s e s u b j e c t o f analysis. T h e p e r v e r s e s u b j e c t o f analysis is t h e n a r r a t o r of t h e erotized, b u t ultimately e m p t y d r a m a c r e a t e d o n t h e a n a l y t i c s t a g e . T h e d r a m a itself is d e s i g n e d t o p r e s e n t t h e false i m p r e s s i o n t h a t t h e n a r r a t o r ( t h e p e r v e r s e s u b j e c t ) is alive in h i s o r h e r p o w e r t o e x c i t e . T h e p e r v e r s e analytic s c e n e a n d t h e p e r v e r s e s u b j e c t o f analysis a r e j o i n d y c o n s t r u c t e d by analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d f o r t h e p u r p o s e of e v a d i n g t h e e x p e r i e n c e of p s y c h o l o g i c a l d e a d n e s s a n d t h e r e c o g n i t i o n of t h e e m p t i n e s s of t h e a n a l y t i c d i s c o u r s e / i n t e r c o u r s e . I n a s e n s e , t h e p e r v e r s e s u b j e c t of analysis c o n s t i t u t e s a t h i r d a n a l y t i c s u b j e c t i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e l y c r e a t e d by, a n d e x p e r i e n c e d t h r o u g h , t h e i n d i v i d u a l subjectivities o f a n a l y s t a n d a n a l y s a n d i n t h e c o n t e x t of t h e i r s e p a r a t e , b u t i n t e r r e l a t e d p e r s o n a l i t y systems. C o n s e q u e n t l y , t h e jointly created intersubjective construction (the perv e r s e s u b j e c t ) is e x p e r i e n c e d differently by analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d . ( I n a r e c e n t series o f p u b l i c a t i o n s [ O g d e n 1 9 9 2 a , b, 1994a, b, c, d ] , I h a v e d i s c u s s e d t h e c o n c e p t

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of t h e i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e analytic t h i r d as well as specific f o r m s o f t h e i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e t h i r d s u c h as t h e s u b j u g a t i n g third of projective identification [ O g d e n 1994c,d].) P e r v e r s i o n of t h e transference-countertransfere n c e o c c u r s i n all analyses t o d i f f e r e n t d e g r e e s . F o r s o m e p a t i e n t s , i t is t h e d o m i n a n t f o r m o f a n a l y t i c i n t e r a c t i o n , e c l i p s i n g all o t h e r m o d e s of d e f e n s e a n d o b j e c t r e l a t e d n e s s . F o r o t h e r p a t i e n t s , it is in a s c e n d a n c y o n l y i n a specific p h a s e o r p h a s e s o f analysis. F o r still o t h e r p a t i e n t s , p e r v e r s i t y i n (of) t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r transference represents a background that presents itself p r i m a r i l y i n t h e f o r m o f a well d i s g u i s e d s e x u a l e x c i t e m e n t a s s o c i a t e d w i t h u n c o n s c i o u s efforts o n ' t h e p a r t o f t h e p a t i e n t t o t h w a r t t h e analysis i n f u n d a m e n tal, b u t difficult t o r e c o g n i z e ways (for e x a m p l e , t h e patient's unconscious excitement associated with his o r h e r c h r o n i c i n a b i l i t y / u n w i l l i n g n e s s t o g e n e r a t e a single, o r i g i n a l t h o u g h t in t h e analysis [ O g d e n , 1 9 9 4 b ] ) . T h e u n d e r s t a n d i n g s o f p e r v e r s i o n t h a t will b e disc u s s e d h e r e rely heavily o n i d e a s i n t r o d u c e d b y s e v e r a l analytic thinkers practicing in E n g l a n d a n d F r a n c e . K h a n ( 1 9 7 9 ) h a s i l l u m i n a t e d t h e way i n w h i c h p e r v e r sity r e p r e s e n t s a c o m p u l s i v e l y r e p e a t e d e f f o r t t o c r e a t e e x p e r i e n c e t h a t will d i s g u i s e a n d p a r t i a l l y s u b s t i t u t e f o r t h e a b s e n c e o f a s e n s e o f b e i n g alive as a h u m a n b e i n g . M c D o u g a l l (1978, 1986) h a s d i s c u s s e d t h e n e e d o f t h e sexually deviant p a t i e n t to g e n e r a t e "neo-sexualities" in a n effort t o c o n s t r u c t a self, a l b e i t a self a n d a s e x u a l i t y t h a t is felt t o b e f r a g m e n t a r y , d e f e n s i v e , a n d u n r e a l . Chasseguet-Smirgel (1984) has d e s c r i b e d t h e perverse

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p a t i e n t as r e l y i n g o n o m n i p o t e n t c l a i m s t h a t t h e r e a r e n o limits t o w h a t is p o s s i b l e s e x u a l l y i n a n u n c o n s c i o u s effort t o s h i e l d h i m s e l f f r o m t h e f r i g h t e n i n g a w a r e n e s s of sexual a n d g e n e r a t i o n a l difference. Malcolm (1970) h a s clinically i l l u s t r a t e d t h e i d e a t h a t t h e analysis of p e r v e r s i o n is n o t a m a t t e r o f t h e d i s s e c t i o n o f t h e symboli s m o f d e v i a n t s e x u a l acts, b u t t h e analysis o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e p e r v e r s i o n o f t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e as it evolves i n t h e a n a l y t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p (see also M e l t z e r 1973). M o r e recently, J o s e p h (1994) has u n d e r s t o o d p e r v e r s e s e x u a l e x c i t e m e n t i n t h e analytic s e t t i n g as a f o r m of a t t a c k o n t h e c a p a c i t y of t h e a n a l y s t a n d a n a l y s a n d t o t h i n k by m e a n s of a p e r s i s t e n t sexualization o f t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e a n d t h e a c t o f t h i n k i n g . My f o c u s i n t h e clinical d i s c u s s i o n t h a t will follow will b e o n t e c h n i c a l p r o b l e m s p r e s e n t e d by t h e p e r v e r s i o n o f a n a l y t i c i n t e r s u b j e c t i v i t y itself. I s h a l l discuss t h e c h a l l e n g e t o t h e analyst p o s e d by h i s a t t e m p t t o d e r i v e u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e perverse analytic process from his e x p e r i e n c e w i t h i n it w h i l e still m a i n t a i n i n g h i s c a p a c i t y t o t h i n k a n d s p e a k t o h i m s e l f a b o u t it a n d e v e n t u a l l y t o d i s c u s s h i s u n d e r s t a n d i n g s w i t h t h e p a t i e n t in t h e f o r m o f v e r b a l i n t e r p r e t a t i o n . T h e clinical d i s c u s s i o n will b e f o l l o w e d by a n effort t o m a k e a set o f t h e o r e t i c a l stater m e n t s a b o u t a s p e c t s o f t h e s t r u c t u r e of p e r v e r s i o n .

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Illustration:

Through

the Looking

Glass

Ms. A. b e g a n o u r first s e s s i o n by t e l l i n g m e t h a t s h e h a d d e c i d e d t o c o n s u l t w i t h m e b e c a u s e h e r m a r r i a g e was a "sham." She a n d h e r h u s b a n d h a d n o t h a d sex for m o r e t h a n five years. T h e p a t i e n t t o l d m e t h a t w h a t dist u r b e d h e r m o s t was t h a t s h e r e c e n t l y r e a l i z e d t h a t t h e situation did n o t b o t h e r her. In t h e past, everything m a t t e r e d terribly, b u t n o w t h a t s h e was m i d d l e - a g e d ( s h e was 4 3 years o l d ) , n o t h i n g s e e m e d t o m a t t e r . H e r two c h i l d r e n w e r e i n t h e i r l a t e t e e n s a n d h a d r e c e n d y left h o m e for c o l l e g e . I t s e e m e d t o m e t h a t a l t h o u g h Ms. A. was n o t lying t o m e d u r i n g o u r initial s e v e r a l m e e t i n g s , t h e r e was m u c h m o r e t o t h e story o f w h y s h e was s e e k i n g analysis t h a n s h e was r e v e a l i n g . T h i s , o f c o u r s e , is always t h e case, b u t I h a d t h e d i s t i n c t i m p r e s s i o n t h a t I was b e i n g k e p t in t h e d a r k a b o u t r a t h e r specific i m p o r t a n t m a t t e r s a b o u t w h i c h Ms. A. was c o n s c i o u s l y a w a r e . T h e r e was s o m e t h i n g a b o u t b e i n g w i t h h e r t h a t r e m i n d e d m e o f w a t c h i n g ( o r i n fantasy, b e i n g in) a detective movie. In particular, I t h o u g h t of J a c k N i c h o l s o n a n d Faye D u n a w a y i n Chinatown and several m o v i e s w i t h H u m p h r e y B o g a r t a n d L a u r e n Bacall, t h e n a m e s of w h i c h I c o u l d n o t r e m e m b e r . I was i n t r i g u e d by Ms. A. H e r c h o i c e o f w o r d s was i m a g i n a tive a n d h e r way o f s p e a k i n g h a d a vitality t h a t w e r e a t o d d s with h e r d e s c r i p t i o n o f h e r s e l f as a lifeless, m i d dle-aged w o m a n . I n t h e c o u r s e o f t h e first y e a r o f analysis, Ms. A. t o l d m e a b o u t h e r c h i l d h o o d in S o u t h e r n California. H e r

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f a t h e r was a r e a l e s t a t e d e v e l o p e r w h o quickly b e c a m e very wealthy, a n d t h e n was f o r c e d i n t o b a n k r u p t c y as a r e s u l t of a series o f e v e n t s t h a t w e r e n o t c l e a r t o Ms. A. T h e p a t i e n t ' s f a t h e r n e v e r let t h e fact o f h i s p a s t b a n k ruptcy b e k n o w n to friends a n d colleagues a n d k e p t u p a p p e a r a n c e s for a p e r i o d of m o r e t h a n a d e c a d e while h e a c c u m u l a t e d a n even larger real estate "empire" t h a n t h e o n e h e h a d previously h e l d . F o l l o w i n g t h e reb u i l d i n g o f h i s e m p i r e , m o s t o f Ms. A.'s f a t h e r ' s friends, clients, a n d b u s i n e s s p a r t n e r s w e r e p e o p l e a s s o c i a t e d w i t h t h e film i n d u s t r y . O n c e o r twice a m o n t h , t h e patient's parents would h o l d large parties at their h o m e , e v e n t s t h a t c o n s t i t u t e d t h e c e n t e r of t h e life o f t h e family. B o t h p a r e n t s s e e m e d c o n t i n u a l l y t o b e " c o n s u m e d " : Ms. A.'s m o t h e r d e v o t e d h e r s e l f t o t h e p r e p a r a t i o n s for t h e n e x t p a r t y w h i l e t h e p a t i e n t ' s f a t h e r w o r k e d with "feverish i n t e n s i t y " o n his n e x t r e a l e s t a t e d e a l . A t t h e s e social e v e n t s a t t h e p a t i e n t ' s family's h o m e , t h e r e was a g r e a t d e a l o f heavy d r i n k i n g a n d d r u g taking. Cross dressing a n d flaunting of "outrageous h o m o s e x u a l i t y " by s o m e of t h e guests s t o o d o u t vividly i n t h e p a t i e n t ' s m e m o r y . Ms. A. a t t e n d e d m o s t o f t h e s e p a r t i e s a n d said t h a t w h e n s h e was n o t p r e t e n d i n g t o b e a n a d u l t , s h e felt invisible ("as if t h e r e w e r e n ' t a c h i l d p r e s e n t " ) . A t times, s h e felt like a p r o p in o n e o r a n o t h e r o f t h e g u e s t s ' displays of h i s o r h e r "sensitivity t o c h i l d r e n . " A t o t h e r times, s h e was t r e a t e d as a " m o c k a d u l t " in s u c h a way t h a t s h e felt t h a t s h e was t h e b r u n t of a j o k e , t h e p o i n t of which she did n o t u n d e r s t a n d . V e r y o f t e n s h e felt terribly b o r e d by t h e " s h e e r p r e d i c t -

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ability o f it all: e v e r y o n e c o u l d b e c o u n t e d o n t o b e p e r fecdy i n r o l e . " Although the patient did not r e m e m b e r observing o r b e i n g t h e o b j e c t of o v e r t s e x u a l b e h a v i o r , s h e s a i d t h a t s h e felt t h a t t h e r e was "far t o o m u c h k i s s i n g g o i n g o n . " Ms. A. said t h a t s h e l e a r n e d o v e r t i m e t h a t t h i s t y p e o f kissing was a "social affectation." N o n e t h e l e s s , it felt "yucky" t o h e r . T h e p a t i e n t d e s c r i b e d t h e s e p a r t i e s w i t h a thinly disguised sense of pride. She would m e n t i o n , i n p a s s i n g , n a m e s o f f a m o u s film c e l e b r i t i e s w h o w e r e regular guests at t h e parties. T h e i m a g e of t h e p a t i e n t ' s p a r e n t s t h a t e m e r g e d f r o m Ms. A.'s d e s c r i p t i o n of h e r c h i l d h o o d was o n e i n which t h e r e s e e m e d to b e a couple single-mindedly t o g e t h e r in t h e p a r t n e r s h i p of creating a n illusion of b e i n g a n i n t e g r a l p a r t o f a n "in c r o w d " o f w e a l t h y , g l a m o r o u s p e o p l e , w h i l e h a v i n g a l m o s t n o t h i n g else t o d o with o n e a n o t h e r o r with their children. T h e patient's m o t h e r suffered from c h r o n i c i n s o m n i a a n d o t h e r "nervous conditions." In o r d e r n o t to disturb t h e patient's father, she would r e a d d u r i n g the night in the g u e s t b e d r o o m . It was n o t o p e n l y a c k n o w l e d g e d t h a t t h e p a r e n t s k e p t s e p a r a t e b e d r o o m s f o r virtually t h e e n t i r e t y of t h e i r m a r r i a g e . I n fact, a t t h e o u t s e t o f analysis, Ms. A. h e r s e l f was n o t fully c o n s c i o u s o f h e r suspic i o n t h a t h e r m o t h e r ' s " i n s o m n i a " was very likely a r u s e for h e r p a r e n t s ' m a i n t a i n i n g s e p a r a t e b e d r o o m s . A g o o d d e a l o f t h e m a n i f e s t c o n t e n t o f t h e first y e a r - a n d - a - h a l f o f analysis i n v o l v e d t h e e l a b o r a t i o n o f a n a r r a t i v e o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s life, p a r t i c u l a r l y h e r c h i l d -

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h o o d . Ms. A. s p o k e e n t e r t a i n i n g l y , b u t left m e very little r o o m t o c o m m e n t o n w h a t s h e was saying. T h e r e w e r e p r a c t i c a l l y n o p e r i o d s of s i l e n c e l a s t i n g l o n g e r t h a n a few s e c o n d s . T h e p a t i e n t was a p o l o g e t i c a b o u t t h e fact t h a t s h e was u n a b l e t o r e m e m b e r h e r d r e a m s . Ms. A. was n o t a b e a u t i f u l w o m a n i n a c o n v e n tional s e n s e , b u t t h e r e was a c o m p e l l i n g , s u b d e s e x u a l ity i n a l m o s t e v e r y t h i n g s h e s a i d a n d d i d . I l o o k e d forward to seeing h e r each day a n d enjoyed h e a r i n g h e r stories. T h e p a t i e n t m e t m e i n t h e w a i t i n g r o o m with a w a r m smile t h a t conveyed t h e feeling t h a t she was g l a d t o s e e m e , b u t was by n o m e a n s d e s p e r a t e l y d e p e n d e n t o n m e . Ms A. h a d a y o u t h f u l i n d e p e n d e n c e a b o u t h e r t h a t s e e m e d t o invite m e t o j o i n h e r in h e r rebelliousness. S h e gave t h e i m p r e s s i o n t h a t s h e j u s t h a p p e n e d to be in the n e i g h b o r h o o d a n d decided to d r o p by. A t t h e s a m e time, t h e p a t i e n t a d h e r e d t o t h e f o r m a t of t h e analytic frame, rarely b e i n g late, paying p u n c t u a l l y , a n d a d d r e s s i n g m e as "Dr. O g d e n " w h e n o n t h e r a r e o c c a s i o n s h e left a t e l e p h o n e m e s s a g e . P e r s i s t e n t fantasies i n c l u d e d t h e i d e a of m y h a v i n g a s e r i o u s p h y s i c a l illness t h e n a t u r e o f w h i c h s h e felt I was h i d i n g f r o m h e r . T h e r e w e r e also fears o f b r e a c h e s of confidentiality, for instance, anxiety t h a t I w o u l d talk w i t h h e r h u s b a n d if h e w e r e t o a n g r i l y a c c u s e m e of e n g a g i n g i n a n e n d l e s s analysis f o r m y o w n b e n e f i t o r o f e n c o u r a g i n g t h e p a t i e n t t o leave h i m . T h e s e fantasies w e r e d i s c u s s e d a t l e n g t h i n c l u d i n g t h e i d e a t h a t I was n o t w h a t I a p p e a r e d t o b e a n d t h e i d e a t h a t t h e p a t i e n t m i g h t feel t h a t s h e was d e c e i v i n g m e in s o m e

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way. M o r e o v e r , t h e e x c i t e m e n t o f s u c h a b a t d e o v e r t h e p a t i e n t was d i s c u s s e d as well as t h e i d e a o f m y w i s h i n g t o steal t h e p a t i e n t away f r o m h e r h u s b a n d . H o w e v e r , these interpretations seemed mechanical to me. T h e flatness o f t h e s e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s a n d t h e p a t i e n t ' s r e s p o n s e to t h e m reflected a m o r e g e n e r a l paucity of reflective t h o u g h t i n t h e analysis. T h e p a t i e n t ' s clevern e s s a n d t a l e n t in t e l l i n g a n i n t e r e s t i n g s t o r y s e e m e d t o serve as a s u b s t i t u t e f o r s p o n t a n e o u s , c r e a t i v e t h i n k i n g . (I similarly felt t h e n e e d t o b e c l e v e r a n d n o t i c e d t h a t I w o u l d occasionally supply t h e n a m e of a b o o k o r a p o e m that the patient had momentarily forgotten.) I a t t e m p t e d to a t t e n d to my own "reveries" (Bion, 1 9 6 2 a ) d u r i n g t h e sessions s i n c e I c o n s i d e r t h i s a s p e c t of t h e analytic e x p e r i e n c e to b e indispensable to t h e u n d e r s t a n d i n g of t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e ( O g d e n 1 9 8 9 b , 1994a, b, c, d ) . D u r i n g o n e o f t h e s e m e e t i n g s , t h e p a t i e n t was t a l k i n g a b o u t h a v i n g w a t c h e d a television p r o g r a m w i t h h e r h u s b a n d t h e p r e v i o u s n i g h t . S h e d e s c r i b e d h o w t h e two o f t h e m h a d sat n e x t t o o n e a n o t h e r o n t h e i r living r o o m c o u c h i n a way t h a t h a d felt t o h e r like two s t r a n g e r s o n a s u b w a y t r a i n sitting n e x t to o n e a n o t h e r without t h e slightest feeling of c o n n e c t i o n b e t w e e n t h e m . As Ms. A. was t a l k i n g I f o u n d myself t h i n k i n g a b o u t t h e fact t h a t t h e a t t e n d a n t i n t h e p a r k i n g l o t i m m e d i a t e l y n e x t t o m y office b u i l d ing h a d b e g u n m a k i n g preparations to o p e n a car wash i n t h e p a r k i n g lot. H e h a d r e c e n d y p u r c h a s e d a c o m mercial vacuum cleaner that m a d e a deafening noise w h e n it was b e i n g u s e d . H i s g i r l f r i e n d , w h o m I f o u n d t o b e brassy a n d a b r a s i v e , was h e l p i n g w i t h t h e p r o j e c t . I

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i m a g i n e d c a l l i n g City H a l l t o file a c o m p l a i n t a b o u t violations of z o n i n g o r d i n a n c e s c o n c e r n i n g noise. W e r e t h e r e s u c h o r d i n a n c e s ? H o w c o u l d t h e r e n o t b e ? Is t h e r e n o b o d y a t City H a l l w i t h w h o m I c o u l d discuss this? T h e r e m u s t b e s o m e k i n d o f a p p e a l s p r o c e s s . I b e c a m e i n c r e a s i n g l y a n x i o u s as I i m a g i n e d this u n r e a sonable, unapproachable couple a n d the bureaucratic m a z e a t City H a l l w i t h n o b o d y a t t h e c e n t e r o f it. As I e m e r g e d from this i n c r e a s i n g l y r u m i n a t i v e set o f t h o u g h t s , feelings, a n d s e n s a t i o n s , I was s t r u c k by t h e i n t e n s i t y o f t h e a n x i e t y t h a t I was feeling. 2 I w o n d e r e d a b o u t t h e parallels b e t w e e n t h e couple in t h e p a r k i n g lot a n d t h e patient's parents, each pair with their plans t h a t n e i t h e r t h e p a t i e n t n o r I h a d t h e p o w e r t o influence. I hypothesized that t h e idea of the frightening, disturbing noise o f t h e vacuum cleaner might be related t o a fantasy o f n o i s e c o m i n g f r o m t h e p a r e n t s ' b e d r o o m , t h e d i s t u r b i n g n o i s e o f a n i n t e r c o u r s e t h a t was b o t h e m p t y (a v a c u u m ) a n d c o n s u m i n g ( s u c k i n g i n t o it

2. Since it requires a considerable span of time to describe the experience of a reverie, the rhythm of the analysis is not well represented in my efforts at describing it in a linear fashion. The thoughts, feelings, and sensations involved in a reverie may occupy only a few moments. Consequently, it is inaccurate to think ofthe analyst's use of his reveries as reflecting a detached, self-absorbed, inattentive psychological state. On the contrary, the analyst's attentiveness to his own affective state as generated in the context of the analytic intersubjectivity contributes to a feeling of intense emotional immediacy and a sense of the analyst's resonance with the patient's unconscious experience in the present moment.

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t h e p a t i e n t ' s i n t e r n a l o b j e c t w o r l d ) . My h y p o t h e s e s c o n c e r n i n g t h e c o n n e c t i o n between the elements of t h e reverie a n d m y e x p e r i e n c e in b e i n g with t h e p a t i e n t s e e m e d strained a n d intellectualized. Nevertheless, t h e r e v e r i e left m e f e e l i n g e x t r e m e l y u n e a s y a n d a l e r t e d m e t o t h e fact t h a t I was f e e l i n g d i s t u r b e d by s o m e t h i n g t h a t was o c c u r r i n g b e t w e e n t h e p a t i e n t a n d m e . I n t h e p e r i o d of m o n t h s f o l l o w i n g t h e s e s s i o n j u s t d e s c r i b e d , I very g r a d u a l l y b e g a n t o r e c o g n i z e a s e n s e o f p r i d e t h a t I h a d b e g u n t o t a k e in t h e i d e a t h a t o t h e r p e o p l e m i g h t k n o w t h a t I was Ms. A.'s analyst. I b o t h t o o k p l e a s u r e i n t h i s fantasy a n d felt d e e p l y a s h a m e d o f it ( a n d m a n a g e d t o k e e p it o u t of c o n s c i o u s a w a r e n e s s a l m o s t c o m p l e t e l y ) . Ms. A. w o r e a g r e a t m a n y d i f f e r e n t h a t s , coats, a n d scarves a n d I f o u n d myself f e e l i n g interested in what she would b e wearing to each day's s e s s i o n . As s h e e n t e r e d t h e office, s h e w o u l d lay h e r coat o n t h e floor n e x t to t h e c o u c h (almost at my feet). T h e d e s i g n e r l a b e l w o u l d o f t e n b e i n view a n d I w o u l d h a v e t o s t r a i n t o a t t e m p t t o r e a d it ( u p s i d e d o w n ) . (I s h o u l d e m p h a s i z e t h a t t h e c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e 3 feel-

3. I use the term countertransference to refer to the analyst's experience of and contribution to the transference-countertransference. As discussed above, the transference-countertransference is understood as an unconscious intersubjective construction experienced separately and individually by analyst and analysand. I do not conceive of transference and countertransference as separable psychological entities that arise independently of, or in response to one another, but as aspects of a single intersubjective totality (Loewald 1986, Ogden 1994a, d).

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ings t h a t I a m describing c o m p r i s e d a silent backg r o u n d t h a t h a d n o t yet b e c o m e a f o c u s o f c o n s c i o u s analysis. I n o t h e r w o r d s , t h e s e a s p e c t s of t h e analysis h a d n o t y e t b e c o m e "analytic o b j e c t s " [ B i o n 1 9 6 2 a , G r e e n 1975, O g d e n 1994a, b, c ] , i.e., e l e m e n t s o f i n t e r subjective e x p e r i e n c e t h a t were utilizable in t h e process o f g e n e r a t i n g a n a l y t i c m e a n i n g . I n s t e a d , this s e t of t h o u g h t s , feelings, a n d s e n s a t i o n s r e m a i n e d a p a r t o f a l a r g e l y u n c o n s c i o u s i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e field i n w h i c h I was, at that j u n c t u r e , m o r e participant than observer.) It is o f t e n difficult t o say w h a t c o n t r i b u t e s t o a shift i n t h e b a l a n c e o f p s y c h o l o g i c a l - i n t e r p e r s o n a l f o r c e s t h a t m a k e s s u c h b a c k g r o u n d e x p e r i e n c e availa b l e f o r c o n s c i o u s u s e as a n a l y t i c d a t a . I n t h e p h a s e o f w o r k u n d e r d i s c u s s i o n , it was i n p a r t a f u r t h e r s e t of a n x i e t y - l a d e n r e v e r i e s (in a s s o c i a t i o n w i t h t h e r e v e r i e s previously described) that allowed aspects of heretofore largely u n c o n s c i o u s b a c k g r o u n d e x p e r i e n c e to b e g i n t o b e t r a n s f o r m e d i n t o "analytic o b j e c t s . " Initially, m y a n x i e t y was diffuse a n d c e n t e r e d o n t h e feeli n g t h a t I w o u l d b e forgetful. I e x p e r i e n c e d a sense of p r e s s u r e to r e m e m b e r to s e n d a card to a relative w h o s e b i r t h d a y was a p p r o a c h i n g . I h a d c h a n g e d a p a t i e n t ' s a p p o i n t m e n t t i m e a n d felt a n x i o u s t h a t I would n o t be there at the correct time. I noticed that t h e s e p a s s i n g t h o u g h t s d u r i n g t h e s e s s i o n w i t h Ms. A. were related to the feeling that t h e r e were "holes" in m y c o n s c i o u s n e s s . I w o n d e r e d w h a t it was t h a t I was b l i n d i n g myself t o i n t h e w o r k w i t h Ms. A. T h e a n x i e t y was n o w r e a l a n d i m m e d i a t e , a l t h o u g h n o n - s p e c i f i c : its

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m e a n i n g in r e l a t i o n t o t h e l e a d i n g u n c o n s c i o u s t r a n s f e r e n c e a n x i e t i e s was still u n c l e a r t o m e . H o w e v e r , a shift i n t h e q u a l i t y o f m y self-awareness i n t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e was t a k i n g p l a c e . O v e r t h e s u c c e e d i n g w e e k s o f analysis, m y a n x i e t y t o o k o n i n c r e a s i n g specificity. I b e g a n t o e x p e r i e n c e a n x i e t y j u s t b e f o r e t h e m e e t i n g s w i t h Ms. A., f e e l i n g e x t r e m e l y a w k w a r d a n d self-conscious. M e e t i n g h e r i n t h e w a i t i n g r o o m felt like t h e b e g i n n i n g o f a d a t e . Ms. A. s e e m e d n o t t o b e e x p e r i e n c i n g a n x i e t y o f this s o r t a n d , if a n y t h i n g , a p p e a r e d t o b e all t h e m o r e g r a c e f u l a n d fluid i n h e r way o f c a r r y i n g h e r s e l f , s p e a k i n g , dressJ i n g , a n d so o n . It was d u r i n g this p e r i o d of analysis t h a t p a t i e n t p r e s e n t e d t h e following d r e a m :

the

A n o l d m a n was s i t t i n g i n his s t u d y r e a d i n g . It was like y o u r office, b u t it w a s n ' t a c t u a l l y y o u r office. I t was d a r k a n d h a d a d a n k , s e e d y f e e l i n g t o it. P e o p l e w e r e p e e r i n g t h r o u g h t h e w i n d o w a t h i m . I was o n e o f t h e m . It was terribly i m p o r t a n t t o b e p e r fectly still s o as n o t t o b e c a u g h t . I was afraid I w o u l d p e e . H e s e e m e d like a d e p r e s s e d , d i r t y o l d m a n . I t h o u g h t h e was o n l y p r e t e n d i n g t o r e a d o r f o r c i n g h i m s e l f t o r e a d . I also h a d t h e f e e l i n g t h a t h e was t r y i n g t o t u r n h i m s e l f o n s e x u a l l y by r e a d i n g , b u t it w a s n ' t w o r k i n g . I ' m n o t s u r e if I t h o u g h t this in t h e d r e a m o r as I was w a k i n g u p , b u t it felt as if h e k n e w h o w b a d l y I n e e d e d t o p e e .

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I t was a t this p o i n t t h a t t h e very d i s t u r b i n g t h o u g h t o c c u r r e d t o m e .that Ms. A. m u s t h a v e b e e n w a t c h i n g m e w a t c h h e r . ( T h e d r e a m was a b o u t t h e e x c i t e m e n t of s e c r e t l y o b s e r v i n g a n d a b o u t b e i n g observed in t h e act of secretly a n d excitedly watching a n d a b o u t t h e u n c e r t a i n t y of w h o was o b s e r v i n g w h o m . ) She m u s t have known that I h a d tried to read t h e l a b e l s o n h e r c o a t s t h a t s h e h a d d r a p e d a t m y feet. H o w l o n g h a d s h e k n o w n ? I felt i n t e n s e e m b a r r a s s m e n t at t h e i d e a of having b e e n observed looking. Everything s e e m e d to have suddenly a n d u n e x p e c t e d l y b e e n reversed: what h a d b e e n private h a d b e c o m e p u b l i c ; w h a t h a d felt like s i m p l e c u r i o s i t y h a d b e c o m e p r u r i e n t interest; the patient's n o n c h a l a n c e h a d taken o n a f e e l i n g o f m a n i p u l a t i v e c o n t r o l ; w h a t h a d felt like i n t i m a c y n o w felt like a n e x p e r i e n c e o f h a v i n g b e e n p l a y e d f o r a fool. F o r a m o m e n t , it s e e m e d t o m e as if a t r a p h a d b e e n c a r e f u l l y s e t a n d I h a d s p r u n g it, b u t I a l s o u n d e r s t o o d t h a t I h a d b e e n p a r t o f s e t t i n g it. My havi n g s p r u n g t h e t r a p was n o t t h e t h i n g t h a t w a s t h e m o s t h u m i l i a t i n g p a r t o f all t h i s t o m e . My f e e l i n g s o f embarrassment centered on the idea that I h a d s p r u n g t h e t r a p l o n g a g o a n d h a d b e e n u n a w a r e o f it. I felt as if m y o w n l o o k i n g ( w h i c h n o w felt like v o y e u r i s m ) h a d b e e n o b s e r v e d a t e v e r y s t e p . My s e c r e t h a d n e v e r b e e n a s e c r e t . I n a d d i t i o n , t h e r e was a n i n t e n s e feeling of betrayal. I c o u l d n o w fully a c k n o w l e d g e t o m y s e l f f o r t h e first t i m e t h a t I h a d u n c o n s c i o u s l y felt p r i d e , p l e a s u r e ,

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a n d g u i l t a t h a v i n g b e e n i n c l u d e d in a n e r o t i z e d d u e t w i t h Ms. A. I n t h e i n s t a n t o f r e c o g n i t i o n t h a t I a m describing, t h e e x p e r i e n c e of playing a role in this scene became transformed from an experience in w h i c h I h a d felt like a n a d u l t i n t o a n e x p e r i e n c e o f m y s e l f as c a u g h t i n t h e a c t o f b e i n g a s e l f - d e c e i v i n g i n f a n t o r c h i l d . My i m m a t u r i t y h a d b e e n u n m a s k e d . I felt o u t s i d e o f a d u l t s e x u a l i t y w i t h m y n o s e p r e s s e d a g a i n s t t h e glass as r e p r e s e n t e d in t h e d r e a m b y t h e patient's peering through the window in the d r e a m w h i l e e x p e r i e n c i n g a n i n f a n t i l e ( u r i n a r y ) f o r m o f sexual excitement. At this j u n c t u r e , I b e g a n to b e able to talk to m y s e l f i n a f u l l e r way a b o u t m y e x p e r i e n c e i n t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e . It s e e m e d t h a t a s h a r e d unconscious construction h a d b e e n created in t h e analysis t h r o u g h w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t h a d b e e n giving s h a p e to i m p o r t a n t aspects of h e r internal object w o r l d . It a p p e a r e d t h a t t h e i n t e n s e e m b a r r a s s m e n t t h a t I was f e e l i n g r e p r e s e n t e d a d i s a v o w e d a n d p r o j e c t e d version of t h e p a t i e n t ' s h u m i l i a t i o n at finding herself to b e a n infantile o n l o o k e r in relation to h e r p a r e n t s ' ( d e g r a d e d ) i n t e r c o u r s e (which was in p a r t e q u a t e d w i t h " t h e p a r t i e s " ) . (Less c o n s c i o u s l y , t h e p a r e n t s w e r e felt t o b e e x c i t e d l y o b s e r v i n g h e r e x c i t e ment.) I had experienced both the illusion/delusion of b e i n g a p a r t i c i p a n t in t h e p a r e n t a l i n t e r c o u r s e a n d t h e h u m i l i a t i o n o f b e i n g r e v e a l e d t o b e only an infant w h o was e x c i t e d l y p r e t e n d i n g t o b e p a r t o f t h e p r i m a l scene.

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Ms. A. a n d I i n t h e ( a s y m m e t r i c a l l y ) s h a r e d e x p e r i e n c e of this t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e d r a m a , h a d e a c h i n o u r o w n way i n s i s t e d t h a t w e w e r e n o t t h e o u t s i d e r t o t h e p a r e n t a l i n t e r c o u r s e , b u t w e r e "really" a d u l t s p a r t i c i p a t i n g i n it. A t this p o i n t , I b e g a n t o u n d e r s t a n d t h e p a t i e n t ' s d r e a m as r e f l e c t i n g a n a s p e c t of Ms. A.'s i n t e r n a l o b j e c t w o r l d a b o u t w h i c h I h a d b e e n only subliminally aware: t h e i m a g e of t h e interc o u r s e i n t h e d r e a m was o f a d e a d i n t e r c o u r s e . T h e o l d m a n (simultaneously representing me, the patient's i n t e r n a l w o r l d , a n d t h e a n a l y t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p ) was d e p r e s s e d a n d l o n e l y , g o i n g t h r o u g h t h e m o t i o n s of r e a d i n g o r p e r h a p s a t t e m p t i n g to escape his d e p r e s s i o n by m e a n s o f solitary, e m p t y s e x u a l e x c i t e m e n t . As I " e m e r g e d " f r o m m y r e v e r i e a n d s u b s e q u e n t t h o u g h t s , I a t t e m p t e d t o re-focus o n w h a t t h e p a t i e n t was saying. O f c o u r s e , I was n o t r e t u r n i n g t o "a p l a c e w h e r e w e h a d left off," b u t t o a " p l a c e " t h a t h a d n o t p r e v i o u s l y e x i s t e d . Ms. A. a t first s p o k e a b o u t h e r d r e a m by c o n n e c t i n g h e r p e r e n n i a l fears o f m y b e i n g ill w i t h t h e fact t h a t i n t h e d r e a m , t h e illness was a d e p r e s s i o n . S h e t h e n said t h a t t h e d r e a m r e m i n d e d h e r of s o m e t h i n g that h a d h a p p e n e d in t h e waiting r o o m at t h e b e g i n n i n g of t h e session. S h e t o l d m e t h a t s h e l o o k e d a t m e t o s e e if I was tired o r sick by c h e c k i n g t o s e e if I h a d d a r k circles u n d e r m y eyes. S h e h a d h o p e d t h a t I h a d n o t s e e n h e r l o o k i n g a t m e "in t h a t way." T h e patient t h e n abrupdy c h a n g e d the topic. I a s k e d h e r if s h e h a d felt a n x i o u s w h e n s h e c u t h e r s e l f off i n t h e m i d d l e of h e r o b s e r v a t i o n s a n d f e e l i n g s a b o u t

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w h a t s h e h a d o b s e r v e d i n t h e w a i t i n g r o o m . S h e said, "I feel all o v e r t h e p l a c e . It felt d a n g e r o u s t o b e s o specific a b o u t l o o k i n g a t y o u . " (It s e e m e d t o m e t h a t t h e p a t i e n t was u n c o n s c i o u s l y a t t e m p t i n g [in a n a n x i o u s a n d a m b i v a l e n t way] t o talk t o m e a b o u t t h e d a n g e r s o f t h e exciting d r a m a of looking a n d b e i n g l o o k e d at that h a d b e e n e n a c t e d in t h e analysis a n d w h i c h w e r e b e i n g depicted in the dream.) I s a i d t h a t I t h o u g h t t h a t Ms. A. h a d e x p e r i e n c e d h e r s e l f as b e i n g in m o r e t h a n o n e p l a c e a t t h e s a m e t i m e i n t h e d r e a m a n d p e r h a p s also i n t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p with m e . A l t h o u g h she h a d in p a r t e x p e r i e n c e d herself as o n e o f t h e p e o p l e l o o k i n g t h r o u g h t h e w i n d o w , it s e e m e d t o m e t h a t s h e was also i d e n t i f i e d w i t h t h e d i r t y o l d m a n i n m y office a n d was o b s e r v i n g h i m i n t h e a c t of excitedly watching her. ( T h e c o n n e c t i o n b e t w e e n t h e o l d m a n a n d m e in t h e d r e a m was so a p p a r e n t t h a t I d i d n o t feel it n e c e s s a r y t o s p e l l it o u t . ) I said t o Ms. A. t h a t s h e h a d l i n k e d t h e d r e a m t o h e r having stolen a look at m e in t h e waiting r o o m . I told h e r t h a t 1 t h o u g h t t h a t for s o m e time, she h a d b o t h w a n t e d m e t o u n d e r s t a n d a n d was afraid t h a t I w o u l d u n d e r s t a n d t h e i m p o r t a n c e of a particular type o f s e c r e t i v e l o o k i n g t h a t felt s h a m e f u l t o h e r . I said t h a t I t h o u g h t t h a t s h e was t r y i n g t o s h o w m e in t h e d r e a m t h a t s h e felt t h a t a n a s p e c t o f o u r r e l a t i o n s h i p i n v o l v e d a k i n d o f e x c i t e m e n t t h a t was c o n n e c t e d w i t h t h e e x p e r i e n c e of secretly looking a n d b e i n g c a u g h t in t h e act o f e x c i t e d l y w a t c h i n g . (I c h o s e n o t t o b e m o r e specific a t this m o m e n t a b o u t t h e e n a c t m e n t s i n t h e a n a l y t i c

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setting in o r d e r n o t to e n t e r into a n o t h e r form of sadom a s o c h i s t i c activity.) T h e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n l e d t o a p a l p a b l e s e n s e o f relief o n t h e p a r t of b o t h t h e p a t i e n t a n d myself. Ms. A. was s i l e n t f o r several m i n u t e s after I m a d e m y c o m m e n t s ( t h e first p e r i o d o f e x t e n d e d s i l e n c e t h a t h a d o c c u r r e d i n t h e analysis). D u r i n g t h e s i l e n c e , I felt r e l a x e d i n a way t h a t I h a d n o t p r e v i o u s l y felt w i t h Ms. A. T h e p a t i e n t t h e n t o l d m e t h a t w h a t I h a d said h a d m a d e h e r feel " u n d e r s t o o d , b u t n o t e x p o s e d , if t h a t distinction m a k e s s e n s e . " S h e said s h e w o u l d h a v e e x p e c t e d t o h a v e felt painfully e m b a r r a s s e d b y h a v i n g t h i s a s p e c t of h e r s p o k e n a b o u t by m e . S h e was s i l e n t f o r t h e r e m a i n i n g few m i n u t e s o f t h e session. Ms. A. b e g a n t h e f o l l o w i n g m e e t i n g by s a y i n g t h a t s h e h a d h a d a d r e a m t h e p r e v i o u s n i g h t . I n it s h e was h e r s e l f as a c h i l d . S h e w o k e u p i n t h e d r e a m t o find t h a t s h e h a d p o l i o (a d i s e a s e a b o u t w h i c h s h e h a d b e e n q u i t e p h o b i c f r o m t h e t i m e s h e was a s m a l l c h i l d ) . O n w a k i n g (in t h e d r e a m ) s h e c o u l d n o t m o v e h e r legs, n o r d i d s h e h a v e a n y f e e l i n g i n t h e m . S h e was b o t h extremely f r i g h t e n e d a n d surprisingly calm. S h e imagi n e d that she would never again b e able to move h e r legs o r h a v e s e n s a t i o n i n t h e m . T h e p a t i e n t said t h a t s h e felt t h e d r e a m was a r e s p o n s e t o w h a t h a d h a p p e n e d i n o u r session t h e p r e v i o u s day. S h e said t h a t t h e d r e a m h a d b e e n q u i e t i n a way t h a t r e m i n d e d h e r o f t h e s i l e n c e s i n o u r m e e t i n g . T h e f e e l i n g in t h e d r e a m was also a very o d d c o m b i n a t i o n o f t e r r o r a n d relief c o n n e c t e d w i t h t h e fact t h a t

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t h e t h i n g t h a t s h e h a d m o s t f e a r e d h a d finally h a p p e n e d . I t h o u g h t of Winnicott's (1974) n o t i o n that t h e d r e a d e d e v e n t ( t h e fear o f b r e a k d o w n ) is a n e v e n t t h a t h a s a l r e a d y o c c u r r e d , b u t h a s n o t yet b e e n e x p e r i e n c e d . I also t h o u g h t , b u t d i d n o t say, t h a t t h e p a t i e n t ' s e m o t i o n a l / s e n s o r y d e a d n e s s (paralysis a n d loss o f s e n s a t i o n ) was b e g i n n i n g t o b e a c k n o w l e d g e d w i t h o u t i m m e d i a t e l y b e i n g b u r i e d in e n t e r t a i n i n g stories: t h e s i l e n c e f o r t h e m o m e n t , was n o t b e i n g filled w i t h n o i s e . I t s e e m e d t h a t t h e p a t i e n t was e v i d e n c i n g t h e r u d i m e n t s o f t h e capacity to observe a n d to b e able to t h i n k a b o u t w h a t s h e was e x p e r i e n c i n g , i.e., h e r s e n s e o f d e a d n e s s . T h e r e was f o r n o w a n a s p e c t o f h e r ( r e p r e s e n t e d by t h e s e n s i n g / n o n - p a r a l y z e d p a r t o f h e r in t h e d r e a m ) t h a t p a r a d o x i c a l l y c o u l d feel t h e d e a d n e s s o f a n o t h e r a s p e c t o f h e r a n d e x p e r i e n c e t h e lie ( t h e n o i s e ) as a lie. It is n o t p o s s i b l e i n t h e s p a c e o f t h i s c h a p t e r t o d e s c r i b e i n d e t a i l t h e e v e n t s o f t h e analysis o v e r t h e succ e e d i n g m o n t h s a n d years. T h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e shift j u s t d e s c r i b e d was f o l l o w e d by a d i s c u s s i o n o f t h e c e n t r a l r o l e in t h e analysis o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s e x p e r i e n c e of s e c r e t i y l o o k i n g a t m e i n a s e x u ally e x c i t i n g way a n d h e r fantasy o f secretly, e x c i t e d l y , dangerously observing m e in t h e act of excitedly o b s e r v i n g h e r . G r a d u a l l y , i n t h e c o u r s e o f this p e r i o d o f w o r k , d e t a i l s o f t h e a c t i n g - i n (for e x a m p l e , t h e p a t i e n t ' s o b s e r v i n g m e o b s e r v e h e r laying h e r c l o t h e s a t m y feet) were discussed. Again, these discussions were n o t cond u c t e d i n a way t h a t s e r v e d t o c r e a t e t h e effect o f a n

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e m b a r r a s s i n g / e x c i t i n g u n d r e s s i n g of t h e p a t i e n t , t h e analyst, o r t h e analysis. I n s t e a d , t h e p r e d o m i n a n t feeli n g was t h a t of t h e p a t i e n t ' s l o n e l i n e s s a n d h o p e l e s s n e s s a b o u t e v e r b e i n g a b l e t o e x p e r i e n c e h e r s e l f as other than a "made u p person." Ms. A. b e g a n t o u n d e r s t a n d t h e ways i n w h i c h t h e e l e m e n t s of t h e perverse defense h a d b e e n invaluable i n p r o t e c t i n g h e r f r o m a n e x p e r i e n c e of d e a d n e s s t h a t she h a d feared would be u n b e a r a b l e . In t h e course of t h e analysis, t h e p a t i e n t d e s c r i b e d a s p e c t s o f h e r life t o which s h e h a d previously alluded, b u t h a d hardly e x i s t e d i n t h e analysis as "analytic o b j e c t s , " i.e., as events that carried m e a n i n g that could be experienced, n o t i c e d , c o n s i d e r e d , a n d t h o u g h t a b o u t in t h e c o n t e x t o f t h e n e t w o r k of m e a n i n g s t h a t w e r e b e i n g e l a b o r a t e d . I t w o u l d b e i n a c c u r a t e t o say t h a t t h e s e p e r c e p t i o n s of past events h a d b e e n unconscious or h a d b e e n consciously w i t h h e l d ; r a t h e r , t h e s e l a r g e l y u n s p o k e n a s p e c t s o f h e r life ( t h a t will b e d i s c u s s e d ) h a d felt so d i s c o n n e c t e d f r o m t h e e n t e r t a i n i n g s t o r y t e l l i n g t h a t "it j u s t n e v e r o c c u r r e d t o m e t o talk a b o u t t h e s e t h i n g s . " ( S e e F r e u d [ 1 9 2 7 ] for a d i s c u s s i o n o f t h e p r o c e s s o f r a d i c a l p s y c h i c d i s c o n n e c t i o n i n v o l v e d in p e r v e r s i o n . A n a n a l o g o u s f o r m o f s p l i t t i n g was r e f l e c t e d i n t h e c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g "in t h e d a r k , " "flying b l i n d , " a n d h a v i n g " h o l e s " i n m y c o n s c i o u s n e s s . ) O v e r t i m e , Ms. A. t o l d m e t h a t f r o m t h e time s h e was a c h i l d , s h e felt " c o n s u m e d " by t h e n e e d t o g e t p e o p l e , b o t h b o y s a n d girls, m e n a n d w o m e n , t o find h e r m y s t e r i o u s a n d sexy. I t b e c a m e a "full b l o w n o b s e s s i o n "

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i n h i g h s c h o o l t o g e t boys t o " c h a s e h e r . " " E v e r y w h e r e I was a n d i n e v e r y t h i n g I d i d , I was l o o k i n g o u t o f t h e c o r n e r o f m y eye t o s e e w h o was l o o k i n g a t m e . " Ms. A. h a d b e e n e x t r e m e l y p r o m i s c u o u s i n a d o l e s c e n c e . I n h i g h s c h o o l , s h e t h o u g h t o f h e r s e l f as a "libera t e d r e b e l , " b u t it b e c a m e d i s t r e s s i n g o v e r t i m e t o feel t h a t s h e was d r i v e n by s o m e t h i n g t h a t s h e c o u l d n o t c o n t r o l . M o r e o v e r , s h e was u n a b l e t o s p e a k t o a n y o n e a b o u t f e e l i n g o u t o f c o n t r o l , w h i c h l e d h e r t o feel i n t e n s e l y lonely. Ms. A. a t t e m p t e d t o c o m p e n s a t e f o r h e r s e n s e o f i s o l a t i o n by n e v e r b e i n g a l o n e . S h e r e c a l l e d t a l k i n g w i t h f r i e n d s i n c o l l e g e well i n t o t h e n i g h t u n t i l t h e y finally fell a s l e e p , a t w h i c h p o i n t * t h e p a t i e n t w o u l d sleep o n their floor. D u r i n g this p e r i o d of p r o m i s c u i t y a n d i s o l a t i o n , t h e p a t i e n t was a l m o s t c o m p l e t e l y u n a b l e t o t h i n k o r talk with h e r s e l f o r with a n y o n e else a b o u t w h a t was h a p p e n ing to her. Instead, what m i g h t have b e c o m e a t h o u g h t o r a f e e l i n g was e x p e r i e n c e d as e x t r e m e m u s c u l a r t e n s i o n i n c o m b i n a t i o n w i t h a variety o f p s y c h o s o m a t i c illnesses i n c l u d i n g c h r o n i c a m e n o r r h e a , dermatitis, a n d s e v e r e h e a d a c h e s . Ms. A. said t h a t s h e was u n a b l e t o r e a d o r c o n c e n t r a t e a n d m a n a g e d h e r s c h o o l w o r k by frequently cheating o n exams a n d plagiarizing the work o f o t h e r s t u d e n t s . T h e c h e a t i n g itself b e c a m e e x c i t i n g . Ms. A. t o o k p l e a s u r e in " s h o w i n g o f f t o h e r f r i e n d s t h e risks t h a t s h e was t a k i n g . T h e p a t i e n t said t h a t s h e felt a m i x t u r e o f s h a m e a n d p r i d e as s h e t o l d m e a b o u t h e r e x p l o i t s . S h e t o l d m e t h a t w h a t m a d e it easy t o b e s o d a r i n g was t h a t , "I

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g e n u i n e l y d i d n o t give a s h i t if I w e r e c a u g h t . W h a t c o u l d t h e y d o t o m e ? " Ms. A . ' s c h o i c e of w o r d s surp r i s e d m e i n t h a t s h e h a d n o t p r e v i o u s l y u s e d scatological l a n g u a g e . I w o n d e r e d (silentiy) if s h e i m a g i n e d t h a t n o t having a body that n e e d e d to engage in ordinary h u m a n f u n c t i o n s s u c h as d e f e c a t i o n ( " n o t giving a shit") w o u l d p r o v i d e h e r w i t h a way o f e s c a p i n g f r o m t h e e m o t i o n a l a n d b o d i l y t r a p i n w h i c h s h e felt c a u g h t a n d i n d a n g e r o f b e i n g psychically killed. I l a t e r sugg e s t e d (in s m a l l bits o v e r several w e e k s ) t h a t Ms. A. was i n d i r e c t l y t e l l i n g m e t h a t h e r d e f i a n t c l a i m t o b e alive " o u t s i d e t h e system" ( b e y o n d t h e law a n d o u t s i d e o f h e r b o d y ) , h a d b e e n f o r a l o n g time a n i m p o r t a n t way of a t t e m p t i n g to p r o t e c t herself from b e i n g taken over by t h e i n t e r n a l lives of o t h e r p e o p l e . I said t h a t it s e e m e d t h a t s h e h a d felt t e r r i b l y p r i v i l e g e d a n d s p e c i a l w h i l e a t t h e s a m e t i m e f e e l i n g as if s h e w e r e c e a s i n g "to b e anybody." T h e patient b e g a n to recognize t h e prof o u n d c o n f u s i o n t h a t s h e h a d felt a b o u t w h o s e d e s i r e it was t h a t was f u e l i n g h e r w i s h / n e e d t o b e a t p a r t i e s . I t n o l o n g e r s e e m e d p o s s i b l e t o s e p a r a t e o u t in a n y m e a n i n g f u l way h e r o w n d e s i r e s f r o m t h o s e o f o t h e r s . T h e transference implications of these recognitions were explored including the confusion about whose sexual e x c i t e m e n t w a s w h o s e i n t h e d r e a m a s well as i n t h e transference-counter transference events that had o c c u r r e d i n t h e analysis. I n d i s c u s s i n g t h i s set o f feelings, t h e p a t i e n t b e c a m e a w a r e of t h e way in w h i c h it h a d s e r v e d h e r defensively t o c r e a t e t h e i l l u s i o n t h a t t h e p o w e r t o " d o

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a n y t h i n g " s h e w i s h e d set h e r a p a r t f r o m e v e r y o n e else. T h e anxiety associated with t h e confusion of n o t knowi n g w h o s e d e s i r e it was t h a t s h e was e x p e r i e n c i n g was s o m e w h a t a l l a y e d by t h e i l l u s i o n t h a t s h e " o c c u p i e d a d i f f e r e n t u n i v e r s e f r o m e v e r y o n e else." Ms. A. c a m e t o u n d e r s t a n d t h a t h i d d e n by h e r s e n s e o f p o w e r was a n u n c o n s c i o u s f e e l i n g of i m p o t e n c e (paralysis) t o t h i n k , feel, a n d b e h a v e o u t s i d e o f t h e t e r m s o f h e r e x p l o i t s , m a c h i n a t i o n s , a n d m a n i p u l a t i o n s . H e r s was a w o r l d o f u n r e f l e c t i v e a c t i o n a n d r e a c t i o n . Ms. A. said t h a t t h e r e h a d b e e n p e r i o d s o f h e r life, e s p e c i a l l y d u r i n g t h e latter years of college, d u r i n g which she h a d for brief perio d s r e c o g n i z e d t h e b i z a r r e n a t u r e o f t h e way s h e was living a n d felt h o r r i f i e d by it a n d d e e p l y a s h a m e d o f it. A l t h o u g h she h a d a great m a n y sexual experiences, she felt b o r e d by t h e sex. D u r i n g i n t e r c o u r s e s h e felt as if s h e w e r e w a t c h i n g w h a t was h a p p e n i n g i n a way t h a t felt like " w a t c h i n g a television p r o g r a m t h a t w a s n ' t very i n t e r e s t i n g . " Ms. A. a t times b e c a m e d i s t u r b i n g l y a w a r e o f t h e i n h u m a n q u a l i t y o f this a n d o t h e r a s p e c t s o f h e r life. H o w e v e r , t h e f e e l i n g o f d e s p a i r a s s o c i a t e d w i t h t h e s e m o m e n t s o f self-awareness was short-lived. D u r i n g t h e p h a s e of work in which this narrative a n d set o f u n d e r s t a n d i n g s u n f o l d e d , I felt a n i n c r e a s i n g s e n s e o f c o n t i n u i t y b e t w e e n t h e c o n t e n t o f Ms. A.'s verbal symbolization a n d t h e matrix of t h e transferencec o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e ( O g d e n , 1 9 9 1 a ) . T h e initial y e a r s o f t h e analysis h a d , i n r e t r o s p e c t , b e e n m a r k e d by a discontinuity of manifest a n d latent, of verbal c o n t e n t a n d experiential context. T h e manifest a n d acknowledged

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a s p e c t o f t h e a n a l y t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p h a d b e e n q u i t e disc o n n e c t e d from a troubling, exciting "second narrative" t h a t r e s i s t e d s y m b o l i z a t i o n , a n d i n s t e a d r e m a i n e d a powerful, erotized ( p r e d o m i n a n d y unconscious) intersubjective construction. Discussion Ms. A.'s very first s t a t e m e n t t o m e was a b o u t h e r m a r riage ( u n c o n s c i o u s l y , h e r life) b e i n g a " s h a m . " I t t o o k a l o n g time f o r m e t o u n d e r s t a n d i n a n y d e p t h w h a t it was t h a t s h e was u n c o n s c i o u s l y a t t e m p t i n g t o tell m e . F r o m t h e o u t s e t , t h e r e was a s u b l i m i n a l s e d u c t i v e c o y n e s s t o Ms. A.'s p r e s e n t a t i o n o f h e r s e l f . T h e r e was also a q u a l i t y o f m y s t e r y c o n v e y e d by all t h a t was n o t b e i n g said, w h i c h c o n t r i b u t e d t o m y f e e l i n g o f b e i n g "in t h e d a r k , " p e r r h a p s u n c o n s c i o u s l y in a d a r k e n e d b e d r o o m . I n r e t r o r s p e c t , m y initial t h o u g h t s a b o u t t h e p a t i e n t a n d m e as c h a r a c t e r s i n a d e t e c t i v e film c a n b e u n d e r s t o o d as a r e f l e c t i o n of m y t h e n u n c o n s c i o u s s e n s e t h a t t h e a n a lytic r e l a t i o n s h i p was b e i n g c o n s t r u c t e d o n a f o u n d a t i o n i n v o l v i n g a c o n f u s i n g m i x t u r e o f g r a n d i o s e e r o t i z e d fantasy, p r e v a r i c a t i o n , s e l f - d e c e p t i o n , a n d t h e b a c k g r o u n d t h e m e of a perverse primal scene (the sadomasochistic incestuous relationship depicted in Chinatown). I h a d f o u n d t h e patient's a c c o u n t s of h e r childh o o d ( h e r stories) to b e n o t only interesting, b u t often f a s c i n a t i n g . T h e r e was a way i n w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t c o n t i n u e d t o b e c a p t i v a t e d ( a n d c a p t i v a t i n g ) by h e r e x p e r i e n c e of having o c c u p i e d a privileged position in which

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s h e c o u l d p o s e as a child while n o t feeling like a child in a s e c r e t w o r l d of a d u l t s e x u a l e x c i t e m e n t a n d e x h i b i t i o n i s m . S h e o b s e r v e d a n d ' p a r t i c i p a t e d i n ( f r o m a distance) t h e "parties" (that were unconsciously e q u a t e d w i t h t h e p r i m a l s c e n e ) . T h e p a t i e n t felt t h a t n o o r d i n a r y c h i l d w o u l d b e a l l o w e d t o h a v e k n o w l e d g e of, m u c h less see, h e a r , s m e l l , o r t o u c h t h e s e e x t r a o r d i n a r y e v e n t s . Ms. A. i m a g i n e d t h a t s h e k n e w i m p o r t a n t a n d frightening secrets, for e x a m p l e , t h e secret of h e r father's financial, sexual, e m o t i o n a l b a n k r u p t c y a n d the secret that s o m e p e o p l e h a d succeeded in remaini n g b o t h m a l e a n d f e m a l e (as r e p r e s e n t e d by t h e h o m o sexuality a n d cross-dressing that she observed' a n d vividly r e m e m b e r e d ) . Less c o n s c i o u s t o t h e p a t i e n t i n h e r initial a c c o u n t s o f h e r c h i l d h o o d was t h e c e n t r a l r o l e o f t h e i l l u s i o n o f h e r n o t b e i n g "only a c h i l d , " a n d i n s t e a d b e i n g a p a r t o f a n a d u l t i n t e r c o u r s e i n w h i c h s h e (in i d e n t i f i c a t i o n w i t h t h e h o m o s e x u a l a n d transvestite figures), was n o t limi t e d t o b e i n g a m e m b e r o f a s i n g l e sex n o r fixed i n a sing l e g e n e r a t i o n (see C h a s s e g u e t - S m i r g e l 1 9 8 4 ) . As e x c i t i n g as Ms. A. f o u n d t h e a d u l t d i s c o u r s e / i n t e r c o u r s e w h i c h s h e o b s e r v e d a n d w h i c h s h e (in fantasy) p a r t i c i p a t e d , t h e i n t e r c o u r s e was a t t h e s a m e time e x p e r i e n c e d as d e a d . T h e p a t i e n t u n c o n s c i o u s l y k n e w of h e r p a r e n t s ' s e p a r a t e s l e e p i n g a r r a n g e m e n t s a n d sensed t h e emptiness of t h e partially d r u g - i n d u c e d , hypomanic, exhibitionistic sexual scene which she f o u n d t o b e frightening, r e p u l s i v e , o t h e r worldly, a n d yet r e p e t i t i v e a n d t e d i o u s . T h i s p a r a d o x i c a l flatness o f

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t h e " e x c i t i n g " e x p e r i e n c e r e p r e s e n t e d a p o w e r f u l elem e n t of t h e transference-countertransference. Both t h e p a t i e n t a n d I a t t e m p t e d to disguise a n d enliven t h e p e r s i s t e n t a b s e n c e o f s p o n t a n e o u s t h o u g h t i n t h e analysis w i t h u n c o n s c i o u s l y e r o t i z e d c l e v e r n e s s , f o r e x a m p l e , the pressure to which both the patient a n d I were r e s p o n d i n g i n o u r n a m e d r o p p i n g a n d i n t h e effort t o u s e "just t h e right, k n o w i n g p h r a s e . " My r e v e r i e a b o u t t h e o p e n i n g o f t h e c a r w a s h i n t h e parking lot provided an i m p o r t a n t m e d i u m t h r o u g h w h i c h t o e x p e r i e n c e e l e m e n t s of t h e t r a n s f e r ence-countertransference that h a d been present from e a r l y o n , b u t h a d b e e n very little available t o e i t h e r Ms. A. o r t o m e f o r g e n e r a t i n g verbally s y m b o l i z e d a n a l y t i c m e a n i n g . My r e v e r i e i n v o l v e d t h e fantasy of a l o u d vacu u m c l e a n e r b e i n g o p e r a t e d by a d i a b o l i c a l c o u p l e f r o m w h o m I was helplessly c u t off. T h e c o u p l e s e e m e d t o o p e r a t e i n a r e a l m t h a t was a b o v e t h e law a n d b e y o n d t h e r e a c h of words a n d h u m a n e m o t i o n . In t h e r e v e r i e , n o t o n l y was t h e r e n o law a t City H a l l , t h e r e was n o h u m a n p r e s e n c e a t its c o r e . This reverie represented an i m p o r t a n t developm e n t i n t h e e v o l u t i o n o f t h e analytic p r o c e s s i n t h a t it a l l o w e d m e s o m e t h i n g o f a f o o t h o l d in a p e r s p e c t i v e t h a t was b o t h o u t s i d e of, a n d yet i n f o r m e d by; t h e i n t e r subjective c o n s t r u c t i o n i n w h i c h I was p a r t i c i p a t i n g ( t h e p e r v e r s e s u b j e c t of analysis). T h e m e a n i n g of t h e " c a r w a s h r e v e r i e " felt q u i t e disconnected from my experience in the transferencec o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e a n d yet t h e reverie h a d a pro-

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f o u n d l y d i s t u r b i n g effect o n m e a n d l e d m e t o b e a l e r t i n a qualitatively d i f f e r e n t way t o w h a t I was e x p e r i e n c i n g w i t h this p a t i e n t . I b e g a n t o n o t i c e (with a c o n s i d e r a b l e d e g r e e o f s h a m e ) b o t h t h e p r i d e t h a t I was f e e l i n g i n b e i n g Ms. A.'s analyst ( t h e p l e a s u r e i n " b e i n g s e e n w i t h h e r " ) a n d t h e p l e a s u r e I was t a k i n g i n o b s e r v i n g h e r c l o t h e s t h a t w e r e b e i n g l a i d a t m y feet. A t t h e s a m e time, I b e c a m e a w a r e o f t h e f e e l i n g o f a " h o l e " o r b l i n d s p o t i n m y a w a r e n e s s t h a t m a d e m e feel all t h e m o r e t h a t I was b l i n d i n g h i m s e l f t o s o m e t h i n g i m p o r t a n t i n m y r o l e as analyst f o r Ms. A. ( S e e S t e i n e r [ 1 9 8 5 ] f o r a d i s c u s s i o n of t h e m e a n i n g s o f " t u r n i n g a b l i n d eye" i n the O e d i p u s myth.) T h e accretion of experiences that I have described l e d t h e r a t h e r diffuse a n x i e t y t h a t I h a d b e e n e x p e r i e n c i n g t o b e t r a n s f o r m e d i n t o a m u c h m o r e clearly defined a n d consciously articulated sexual anxiety (associated with seeing a n d b e i n g seen). I e x p e r i e n c e d this a n x i e t y in t h e f o r m o f t h e u n s e t d i n g ( c o n s c i o u s ) fantasy t h a t e a c h time I e n c o u n t e r e d Ms. A. i n t h e waiti n g r o o m I was m e e t i n g h e r f o r a d a t e . T h e patient's telling m e h e r d r e a m of t h e observed m a n s e r v e d t o crystallize several p o w e r f u l u n c o n s c i o u s constellations of m e a n i n g that h a d s t r u c t u r e d t h e experience o f t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e t o t h a t point. Despite my feeling of s u d d e n recognition, my a w a r e n e s s o f t h e pivotal i m p o r t a n c e o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e of secredy observing a n d b e i n g observed h a d b e e n d e v e l o p i n g o v e r a r a t h e r l o n g p e r i o d o f time (as reflected in m y reveries). W h e n the patient told m e h e r

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d r e a m , a m a r k e d affective shift o c c u r r e d . W h a t I h a d p r e v i o u s l y e x p e r i e n c e d as i d e a s a b o u t e r o t i z e d observi n g a n d b e i n g o b s e r v e d n o w b e c a m e a d e t a i l e d , visceral k n o w l e d g e o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e of b e i n g c a u g h t i n t h e a c t of a particular f o r m of curious, sexualized looking. T h e n a t u r e of t h e e x p o s u r e involved in t h e transferencec o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e e v e n t was t h e e x p o s u r e o f t h e i n f a n t / c h i l d e x c i t e d l y o b s e r v i n g ( a n d i n fantasy p a r t i c i p a t i n g i n ) t h e p r i m a l s c e n e . My feelings o f s h a m e assoc i a t e d w i t h this a c t d e r i v e d i n l a r g e p a r t f r o m t h e feeling of being revealed to be a p r e s u m p t u o u s a n d self-deceptive i n f a n t / c h i l d p r e t e n d i n g t o b e a n a d u l t participant in t h e primal scene. T h e transference-countertransference experience b e i n g d i s c u s s e d was n o t s i m p l y a n e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g p a i n f u l l y e x p o s e d ; it was e q u a l l y a n ( u n c o n s c i o u s ) e x p e r i e n c e of excitedly t e m p t i n g t h e observer a n d t h e n exposing t h e observer to b e the e x c l u d e d i n f a n t / c h i l d t h a t h e o r s h e is. F u n d a m e n t a l t o t h e p a t i e n t ' s e x p e r i e n c e o f " c a t c h i n g t h e o b s e r v e r i n t h e a c t " was h e r d e f e n s i v e disavowal, s p l i t t i n g off a n d p r o j e c t i o n o f h e r feelings of b e i n g t h e envious, excluded, curious, sexually a r o u s e d , self-deceptive i n f a n t . M o r e o v e r , Ms. A.'s a c t o f t e m p t i n g m e i n t h e way d e s c r i b e d was a s o u r c e o f e x c i t e m e n t i n itself i n t h a t t h e r e was t h e e v e r - p r e s e n t d a n g e r o f h e r b e i n g " c a u g h t in t h e a c t " o f s e c r e d y observing m e observing h e r . It m u s t b e r e m e m b e r e d t h a t all o f this was o c c u r r i n g in t h e c o n t e x t o f w h a t was otherwise a d e a d discourse/intercourse (non-selfreflective " r e p o r t i n g " a n d "storytelling" t h a t was a l m o s t

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entirely devoid of s p o n t a n e o u s , creative t h o u g h t ) . I n t h i s l i g h t , t h e " e x c i t e m e n t " of t h e e x c i t i n g / d a n g e r o u s game being described represented an unconscious effort t o c r e a t e a s u b s t i t u t e f o r a g e n u i n e l y c r e a t i v e discourse/intercourse. T h e patient's d r e a m imagery u n d e r s c o r e d t h e d e a d n e s s of t h e i n t e r c o u r s e : t h e d e p r e s s e d o l d m a n i n a d a r k r o o m was o n l y g o i n g t h r o u g h t h e m o t i o n s o f r e a d i n g a n d was ( u n s u c c e s s fully) a t t e m p t i n g t o u s e s e x u a l e x c i t e m e n t t o d i s t r a c t himself from his e m p t i n e s s a n d d e p r e s s i o n . T h e excitem e n t / d a n g e r i n t h e d r e a m ( p a r t i a l l y e x p e r i e n c e d as t h e sensation of b e i n g o n t h e verge of involuntary urin a t i o n ) lay i n t h e a c t o f secretly o b s e r v i n g t h e m a n ( h i s symbolic i n t e r c o u r s e ) a n d in secretly b e i n g o b s e r v e d in t h e act of observing. T h e interpretations that I offered at this p o i n t were informed by m y experiences i n a n d of t h e perverse transference-countertransference, w h i c h e x p e r i e n c e s a l l o w e d m e t o u n d e r s t a n d a n d feel c o m p a s s i o n for b o t h t h e e x p o s e d a n d t h e e x p o s i n g aspects of t h e internal object relationship t h a t so d o m i n a t e d t h e p a t i e n t ' s life a n d t h e life of t h e analysis. T h e p a t i e n t t h e n b e c a m e e n g a g e d i n t h e p r o c e s s of " r e t e l l i n g a life" ( S c h a f e r 1 9 9 4 ) , n o t i n t h e s e n s e o f telli n g it a g a i n , b u t in t h e s e n s e of r e c a s t i n g t h e p a s t i n t h e c o n t e x t of a n e w s e t of i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e e x p e r i e n c e s t h a t h a d occurred in the transference-countertransference a n d w e r e i n t h e p r o c e s s o f o c c u r r i n g i n t h e analysis. A n e w n a r r a t i v e was g e n e r a t e d by t h e p a t i e n t t h a t held 6 a f o r m o f c o h e r e n c e of p a s t a n d p r e s e n t t h a t was r o o t e d i n a less fearful, less a n x i o u s l y self-deceptive e x p e r i e n c e

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o f h e r s e l f a n d h e r r e l a t i o n s w i t h o t h e r s . I n this p e r i o d of w o r k , Ms. A. e v i d e n c e d a c a p a c i t y for reflective t h o u g h t . W o r d s w e r e n o l o n g e r primarily a m e d i u m for creating a S i r e n s o n g a n d i n s t e a d w e r e u s e d as a v e h i c l e for p a r t i c i p a t i n g i n a n analytic d i s c o u r s e s h a p e d by t h e r e c o g n i t i o n o f r o l e s o f analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d . I n a d d i t i o n , t h e p a t i e n t e v i d e n c e d for t h e first t i m e , t h e b e g i n n i n g s of a c a p a c i t y t o c o n t a i n (live w i t h ) h e r f e a r o f d e a d n e s s (as r e p r e s e n t e d i n h e r d r e a m o f b e i n g p a r a l y z e d a n d witho u t s e n s a t i o n i n h e r legs) t h a t s h e h a d so s t r e n u o u s l y a t t e m p t e d t o m a s k t h r o u g h t h e u s e o f d e f e n s i v e sexualization. Silence could n o w be tolerated rather t h a n b e i n g immediately transformed into t h e "noise" of t h e e r o t i z e d , m a g n e t i c storytelling. A t t h e s a m e t i m e , it m u s t b e e m p h a s i z e d t h a t t h e a n a l y t i c m o v e m e n t b e i n g d e s c r i b e d reflects o n l y t h e b e g i n n i n g s of w h a t would eventually b e c o m e a m o r e stable set of psychological changes. T h e defensive pseudo-maturity involved in t h e perverse e x c i t e m e n t of t h e i n i t i a l s t a g e s of analysis w e r e f o l l o w e d by o t h e r forms of defense against t h e feeling of humiliation of b e i n g "only a n infant" in a c o n f u s i n g / f r i g h t e n i n g / e x c i t i n g / d e a d adult world. For example, in t h e course o f Ms. A.'s t e l l i n g m e a b o u t t h e ways i n w h i c h s h e felt " p o s s e s s e d " i n a d o l e s c e n c e a n d as a y o u n g a d u l t , t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e (as "total s i t u a t i o n " [Klein 1952, J o s e p h 1985, O g d e n 1 9 9 1 a ] ) i n v o l v e d a s e n s e o f a n x i o u s l y p r e s s u r e d collegiality i n w h i c h t h e r e was a n effort t o d e n y g e n e r a t i o n a l a n d r o l e d i f f e r e n c e s i n t h e analytic r e l a t i o n s h i p . M o r e o v e r , i n t e l l e c t u a l i z a t i o n was u s e d t o

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p r o t e c t t h e p a t i e n t f r o m feelings o f n o t k n o w i n g , o f "being in the dark." Although the transference anxie t i e s b e i n g w a r d e d off w e r e s i m i l a r i n n a t u r e t o t h o s e e x p e r i e n c e d i n t h e e a r l i e r s t a g e s of w o r k , t h e p e r v e r sion of t h e transference-countertransference n o l o n g e r constituted the principal m e d i u m of communication, defense, a n d object relatedness. B e f o r e l e a v i n g t h e clinical p o r t i o n o f t h e c h a p t e r , I w o u l d like t o briefly e l a b o r a t e a n i d e a t h a t h a s b e e n i m p l i c i t i n t h e f o r e g o i n g d i s c u s s i o n . A n e l e m e n t of t e c h n i q u e t h a t is r e f l e c t e d i n t h e analysis t h a t h a s b e e n d e s c r i b e d is t h e analyst's u s e of h i s m u n d a n e , u n o b t r u sive, q u o t i d i a n t h o u g h t s , feelings, s e n s a t i o n s , fantasies, d a y d r e a m s , r u m i n a t i o n s , a n d s o o n in t h e p r o c e s s o f a t t e m p t i n g t o u n d e r s t a n d t h e n e t w o r k of i n t e r s u b j e c tively g e n e r a t e d m e a n i n g s c o n s t i t u t i n g t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e countertransference. T h e experience of understanding t h a t evolved in t h e p o r t i o n o f t h e analysis j u s t d e s c r i b e d h a d t h e quality o f a d i s t u r b i n g r e c o g n i t i o n , a s e n s e of s u d d e n reversal. T h i s q u a l i t y o f p s y c h o l o g i c a l m o v e m e n t (i.e., a n u n s e t t l i n g r e c o g n i t i o n of a f o r m e r l y split off u n c o n s c i o u s d i s c o u r s e ) r e f l e c t e d t h e n a t u r e o f t h e p e r v e r s e p r o c e s s a n d its p r e c a r i o u s , p o t e n t i a l l y e x p l o sive t e n s i o n b e t w e e n h o n e s t y a n d d e c e p t i o n , i n t i m a c y a n d m a n i p u l a t i o n , t h e a u t h e n t i c a n d t h e c o u n t e r f e i t . It is i m p o r t a n t t o b e a r i n m i n d t h a t t h e u s e o f r e v e r i e i n t h e u n d e r s t a n d i n g of t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e is usually a m u c h " q u i e t e r " p r o c e s s a n d d o e s n o t o f t e n l e a d t o s u c h d r a m a t i c shifts in p e r s p e c t i v e o r feelings of shameful self-deception.

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Theoretical

99 Comments

B u i l d i n g u p o n t h e u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f a s p e c t s of t h e p e r verse transference-countertransference discussed above, as well as m y e x p e r i e n c e i n a n a l y z i n g s i m i l a r transference-countertransference e n a c t m e n t s in work with o t h e r p a t i e n t s ( O g d e n 1 9 9 4 b ) , I shall offer s o m e t e n t a tive t h o u g h t s a b o u t w h a t I believe t o b e i m p o r t a n t elem e n t s o f t h e s t r u c t u r e of this f o r m o f p e r v e r s i o n . T h e p e r v e r s e i n d i v i d u a l o f t h e type b e i n g d i s c u s s e d e x p e r i e n c e s a s e n s e of i n n e r d e a d n e s s , a l a c k o f a s e n s e of b e i n g alive as a h u m a n b e i n g ( K h a n 1979, M c D o u g a l l 1978, 1 9 8 6 ) ; a t t h e s a m e time, t h e r e d e v e l o p s a s e t of c o n c r e t e l y s y m b o l i z e d defensive fantasies t h a t life exists in the intercourse (both sexual a n d non-sexual) b e t w e e n t h e p a r e n t s a n d t h a t t h e o n l y way t o " a c q u i r e " life is t o e n t e r i n t o t h a t i n t e r c o u r s e ( t h e s o u r c e o f life) f r o m w h i c h t h e i n d i v i d u a l is e x c l u d e d a n d left lifeless ( B r i t t o n 1989, Klein 1926, 1928, M e l t z e r 1973, O ' S h a u g h n e s s y 1 9 8 9 ) . O f c o u r s e , in a literal way, it is t h e p a r e n t a l i n t e r c o u r s e t h a t is t h e s o u r c e o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s life, b u t t h i s b i o l o g i c a l fact h a s f o r t h e p e r v e r s e p a t i e n t failed t o b e c o m e a p s y c h o l o g i c a l fact. A t t h e s a m e t i m e , t h e s e p e r v e r s e p a t i e n t s fantas i z e / e x p e r i e n c e t h e p a r e n t a l i n t e r c o u r s e (in t h e b r o a d est sense of t h e word) to b e a n e m p t y event, a n d i m a g i n e t h a t t h e lifelessness o f t h e p r i m a l s c e n e is t h e s o u r c e of his o r h e r o w n sense of i n n e r deadness. In p a r t , t h i s fantasy is b a s e d o n t h e p a t i e n t ' s o w n e n v i o u s a t t a c k o n t h e p a r e n t a l i n t e r c o u r s e . It also reflects t h e

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p a t i e n t ' s e x p e r i e n c e (a c o m b i n a t i o n o f p e r c e p t i o n a n d fantasy) o f t h e e m p t i n e s s of t h e b o n d b e t w e e n t h e p a r ents. This p e r c e p t i o n / f a n t a s y of a n a b s e n c e at t h e c o r e o f h u m a n d i s c o u r s e / i n t e r c o u r s e leaves t h e s e p e r v e r s e i n d i v i d u a l s f e e l i n g t h a t t h e r e is n o h o p e o f a t t a i n i n g a s e n s e o f vitality of t h e i r o w n i n t e r n a l w o r l d a n d i n t h e i r r e l a t i o n s w i t h e x t e r n a l objects. W h a t is p a r t i c u l a r t o p e r v e r s i o n o f t h e s o r t b e i n g d i s c u s s e d is t h e c o m p u l s i v e e r o t i z a t i o n o f t h e v o i d t h a t is felt a t t h e c e n t e r o f w h a t m i g h t have b e e n , a n d p r e t e n d s to be, a generative union between the parents. T h e excitement generated b y t h i s e r o t i z a t i o n is u s e d as a s u b s t i t u t e f o r a s e n s e o f o n e ' s o w n h u m a n aliveness as well as t h e . r e c o g n i t i o n o f t h e h u m a n n e s s of o t h e r p e o p l e . This erotic substitution is u n c o n s c i o u s l y e x p e r i e n c e d as a lie, a n d o t h e r p e o p l e a r e compulsively enlisted in t h e e n a c t m e n t of this s e x u a l i z e d lie. T h e unconsciously fantasied empty parental interc o u r s e is defensively r e n d e r e d e x c i t i n g i n p a r t b y a t t r i b u t i n g t o it t h e f e e l i n g o f d a n g e r . T h e s e p e r v e r s e patients repeatedly a n d compulsively enlist others in t h e p r o c e s s o f e n a c t i n g t h e fantasy o f e n t e r i n g i n t o t h e p a r e n t a l i n t e r c o u r s e w h i c h e n a c t m e n t s a r e felt t o involve a t h r e a t t o t h e p a t i e n t ' s life ( M c D o u g a l l 1 9 8 6 ) . T h e r e is a t t h e s a m e time a critical a c t o f s e l f - d e c e p t i o n t h a t allows t h e p a t i e n t t o i s o l a t e h i m s e l f f r o m a w a r e n e s s o f t h e reality o f t h e d a n g e r t o w h i c h h e is s u b j e c t i n g himself. T h e individual d e l u d e s himself a n d prides h i m s e l f i n h i s b e l i e f t h a t h e is a b l e t o "fly c l o s e r t o t h e flame" t h a n a n y b o d y else w i t h o u t b e i n g d a m a g e d . H e

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o r s h e b e l i e v e s h i m o r h e r s e l f t o b e i m m u n e t o all d a n g e r w h i l e a t t h e s a m e t i m e b e i n g i n t e n s e l y e x c i t e d by it. T h e d e s p e r a t e n e e d t o e x t r a c t life f r o m ( a n d i n f u s e life into) the empty parental intercourse leads the patient t o flaunt e x t e r n a l reality a n d ( u n c o n s c i o u s l y ) c l a i m t o exist o u t s i d e o f t h e law ( i n c l u d i n g b o t h t h e laws o f society a n d t h e laws o f n a t u r e ) ( C h a s s e g u e t - S m i r g e l 1 9 8 4 ) . S i n c e t h e i n d i v i d u a l ' s p s y c h o l o g i c a l life h a s i n a s e n s e a l r e a d y b e e n lost ( o r m o r e a c c u r a t e l y , h a s n e v e r c o m e i n t o b e i n g ) , t h e r e is a c e r t a i n reality t o t h e i d e a t h a t h e h a s n o t h i n g t o lose. T h e f o r e g o i n g c o m m e n t s m i g h t b e briefly s t a t e d i n t h e f o r m o f t h e following set of s c h e m a t i c p r o p o s i t i o n s : 1. I n h e a l t h y d e v e l o p m e n t a s e n s e of o n e s e l f as alive is e q u a t e d w i t h a g e n e r a t i v e l o v i n g p a r e n t a l i n t e r c o u r s e . O u t of this i n t e r c o u r s e c o m e s a f e e l i n g o f aliveness f r o m w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t d e r i v e s a s e n s e o f t h e vitality a n d r e a l n e s s of his o r h e r o w n t h o u g h t s , feelings, s e n s a t i o n s , subjectivity, o b j e c t relations, a n d so o n . 2. P e r v e r s i o n of t h e type b e i n g d i s c u s s e d r e p r e s e n t s a n e n d l e s s , futile effort t o e x t r a c t life from a p r i m a l s c e n e t h a t is e x p e r i e n c e d as d e a d . 3.

P e r v e r s i o n o f this s o r t involves a f o r m o f excitem e n t d e r i v e d f r o m t h e cynical s u b v e r s i o n o f t h e ( p u r p o r t e d ) t r u t h o f t h e aliveness o f t h e p a r e n tal i n t e r c o u r s e w h i c h s o u r c e o f vitality is felt t o b e inaccessible a n d p r o b a b l y n o n e x i s t e n t . I n o t h e r w o r d s , t h e s e e m i n g l y g e n e r a t i v e , loving

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Reverie and Interpretation p a r e n t a l i n t e r c o u r s e is felt t o b e a lie, a h o a x . T h e s e perverse individuals introject a fantasied degraded intercourse a n d subsequentiy engage o t h e r s i n a compulsively r e p e a t e d a c t i n g o u t o f this set o f i n t e r n a l o b j e c t r e l a t i o n s h i p s . 4. I n this f o r m of p e r v e r s i o n , a vicious cycle is g e n e r a t e d in which t h e fantasied intercourse of t h e p a r e n t s is d e p i c t e d as loveless, lifeless a n d n o n p r o c r e a t i v e ; t h e p a t i e n t a t t e m p t s (in v a i n ) t o infuse it with p s e u d o - e x c i t e m e n t f r o m w h i c h h e a t t e m p t s t o e x t r a c t life ( o r m o r e a c c u r a t e l y , a t t e m p t s t o c r e a t e a s u b s t i t u t e for life). S i n c e t h e fantasied parental intercourse from which t h e p e r v e r s e p a t i e n t is a t t e m p t i n g t o e x t r a c t life is e x p e r i e n c e d as d e a d , h e o r s h e is a t t e m p t i n g t o e x t r a c t life f r o m d e a t h , t r u t h f r o m f a l s e h o o d . Alternatively, t h e p a t i e n t m a y a t t e m p t t o u s e t h e lie as a s u b s t i t u t e for t r u t h / l i f e ( C h a s s e g u e t Smirgell984). 5. A n i m p o r t a n t m e t h o d of a t t e m p t i n g t o infuse t h e e m p t y p r i m a l s c e n e with life ( e x c i t e m e n t a n d o t h e r s u b s t i t u t e s for feelings of aliveness) is t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f "flirting with d a n g e r , " t e m p t i n g fate by "flying t o o close t o t h e flame." 6. T h e d e s i r e o f t h e s e p e r v e r s e i n d i v i d u a l s is coo p t e d by a n d c o n f u s e d with t h e d e s i r e o f o t h e r s l e a d i n g t h e m m o r e d e e p l y i n t o defensive misrecognitions a n d misnamings of their experie n c e i n o r d e r t o c r e a t e t h e illusion o f selfg e n e r a t e d desire ( O g d e n 1988a).

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7. Analysis of p e r v e r s i o n , as clinically illustrated in t h i s c h a p t e r , f u n d a m e n t a l l y involves r e c o g n i z i n g ( n a m i n g accurately) t h e lie/lifelessness t h a t c o n s t i t u t e s t h e c o r e of t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r r transference e n a c t m e n t of t h e perversion. In this way, t h e p a t i e n t , p e r h a p s f o r t h e first t i m e in h i s o r h e r life, feels e n g a g e d in a d i s c o u r s e t h a t is e x p e r i e n c e d as alive a n d real. 8. T h e initial feelings of aliveness a n d r e a l n e s s i n t h e analysis arise f r o m t h e r e c o g n i t i o n of t h e lifelessness/lie o f t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e a n d c o n s e q u e n t l y a r e m o s t o f t e n frighte n i n g feelings of d e a d n e s s . T h i s e x p e r i e n c e is d i f f e r e n t f r o m t h e d e a d n e s s o f t h e lie/lifelessness t h a t h a d n o t b e e n r e c o g n i z e d as a lie a n d w h i c h h a d b e e n m a s q u e r a d i n g as t r u t h . Form e r l y , t h e lie ( t h e e m p t y i n t e r c o u r s e ) h a d t o b e i n f u s e d with f a l s e / p e r v e r s e e x c i t e m e n t in a n effort t o b r i n g life to it a n d a c q u i r e life f r o m it. T h e r e c o g n i t i o n of t h e lie is n o t a n e x p e r i e n c e of s e x u a l e x c i t e m e n t b u t m a k e s p o s s i b l e a state o f m i n d i n w h i c h sexual aliveness (in t h e c o n text of whole object relations) a n d generative thinking a n d discourse m i g h t be experienced.

Concluding

Comments

I n t h i s c h a p t e r , I h a v e clinically i l l u s t r a t e d t h e way in w h i c h t h e analysis o f p e r v e r s i o n necessarily involves t h e e l a b o r a t i o n of a n u n c o n s c i o u s perverse

transference-

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c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e w h i c h is c o n t r i b u t e d t o a n d p a r t i c i p a t e d i n by b o t h analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d . T h i s i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e c o n s t r u c t i o n is p o w e r f u l l y s h a p e d b y t h e p e r v e r s e s t r u c t u r e of t h e p a t i e n t ' s u n c o n s c i o u s i n t e r n a l o b j e c t w o r l d . T h e a n a l y s t ' s u n d e r s t a n d i n g of t h e p e r v e r s e e n a c t m e n t i n w h i c h h e o r s h e is a n u n w i t t i n g p a r t i c i p a n t is d e v e l o p e d in p a r t t h r o u g h t h e e l a b o r a t i o n a n d analysis o f u n o b t r u s i v e q u o t i d i a n t h o u g h t s , feeli n g s , fantasies, d a y d r e a m s , r u m i n a t i o n s , s e n s a t i o n s , a n d so o n , w h i c h a r e o f t e n s e e m i n g l y u n r e l a t e d t o t h e p a t i e n t . U n d e r s t a n d i n g s d e v e l o p e d i n t h i s way a r e utilized in t h e process of t h e f o r m u l a t i o n of transference interpretations.

Privacy, Analytic

R e v e r i e ,

a n d

T e c h n i q u e

I hold this to be the highest task of two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude ofthe other. R. M. Rilke, 1 9 0 4 D e b u s s y felt t h a t m u s i c is t h e s p a c e b e t w e e n t h e n o t e s . S o m e t h i n g s i m i l a r m i g h t b e said o f psychoanalysis. Between the notes o f t h e spoken words constituting the a n a l y t i c d i a l o g u e a r e t h e r e v e r i e s o f t h e analyst a n d t h e a n a l y s a n d . I t is i n t h i s s p a c e o c c u p i e d by t h e i n t e r p l a y o f r e v e r i e s t h a t o n e finds t h e m u s i c o f psychoanalysis. T h e c u r r e n t c h a p t e r r e p r e s e n t s a n effort t o e x a m i n e s o m e o f t h e m e t h o d s ( t e c h n i q u e s ) t h a t w e as analysts d e p e n d u p o n t o h e l p u s l i s t e n t o this m u s i c . I n this c h a p t e r a n d t h e n e x t , I shall a t t e m p t to describe three separate, b u t interrelated implications for psychoanalytic t e c h n i q u e t h a t derive from t h e 107

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u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p a m o n g privacy, c o m m u n i c a t i o n , a n d t h e e x p e r i e n c e of "the inter-subjective a n a l y t i c t h i r d " ( O g d e n 1992a, b, 1994a, b , c, d ) . As will b e discussed, I believe that t h e creation of a n analytic process d e p e n d s u p o n t h e capacity of analyst a n d analysand to e n g a g e in a dialectical interplay of states of "reverie" (Bion, 1962a) t h a t a r e at t h e s a m e t i m e private a n d unconsciously communicative. After briefly discussing t h e c o n c e p t of t h e a n a lytic t h i r d , I s h a l l a d d r e s s t h e r o l e o f t h e u s e o f t h e c o u c h as a c o m p o n e n t o f t h e a n a l y t i c f r a m e w o r k . T h i s will l e a d t o a d i s c u s s i o n o f t h e q u e s t i o n o f t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p of t h e role of t h e c o u c h to t h e f r e q u e n c y of m e e t i n g s . I shall t h e n p r o p o s e t h a t t h e " f u n d a m e n t a l r u l e " o f p s y c h o a n a l y s i s as i n t r o d u c e d a n d d e s c r i b e d by F r e u d (1900, 1912, 1913) fails t o facilitate c o n d i t i o n s i n w h i c h r e v e r i e s m i g h t b e g e n e r a t e d by t h e a n a l y s a n d ( a n d by t h e a n a l y s t ) , a n d i n fact o f t e n i m p e d e s t h e c r e a t i o n o f a n analytic process. A r e c o n c e p t u a l i z a t i o n of t h e fundam e n t a l r u l e will b e s u g g e s t e d . I n t h e n e x t c h a p t e r , I shall r e c o n s i d e r c o m m o n l y h e l d beliefs a b o u t t h e h a n d l i n g of d r e a m s i n analysis a n d shall s u g g e s t a l t e r n a t i v e a p p r o a c h e s t h a t a r e f o u n d e d u p o n a c o n c e p t i o n o f t h e a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s as a d i a l e c t i c a l i n t e r p l a y o f subjectivities o f a n a l y s t a n d analysand resulting in t h e creation of a n "intersubjective d r e a m s p a c e . " T h e d r e a m d r e a m t i n t h e c o u r s e o f a n analysis is i n a s e n s e t h e d r e a m o f t h e a n a l y t i c t h i r d . A f r a g m e n t o f a n a l y t i c w o r k will b e p r e s e n t e d i n w h i c h

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a d r e a m is c o n c e p t u a l i z e d a n d r e s p o n d e d t o as a p r o d u c t o f t h e i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e analytic d r e a m s p a c e . The Analytic

Third

O v e r t h e p a s t s e v e r a l years, I h a v e d e v e l o p e d a c o n c e p t i o n o f t h e a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s t h a t is b a s e d o n t h e i d e a t h a t i n a d d i t i o n t o t h e a n a l y s t a n d a n a l y s a n d ; t h e r e is a t h i r d s u b j e c t o f analysis t o w h i c h I h a v e r e f e r r e d as "the intersubjective analytic third" o r simply " t h e analytic t h i r d " ( O g d e n 1 9 9 2 a , b, 1994a, b, c, d ) . ( S e e B a r a n g e r 1 9 9 3 , a n d G r e e n 1975, f o r r e l a t e d c o n c e p tions of analytic intersubjectivity.) T h e (intersubjective) t h i r d s u b j e c t of analysis s t a n d s i n d i a l e c t i c a l t e n s i o n w i t h t h e a n a l y s t a n d a n a l y s a n d as s e p a r a t e i n d i v i d u a l s w i t h t h e i r o w n subjectivities. A n a l y s t a n d analysand e a c h participate in the unconscious inters u b j e c t i v e c o n s t r u c t i o n ( t h e a n a l y t i c t h i r d ) , b u t d o so a s y m m e t r i c a l l y . Specifically, t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p o f t h e roles of analyst a n d analysand structures t h e analytic i n t e r a c t i o n i n a way t h a t s t r o n g l y p r i v i l e g e s t h e e x p l o ration of t h e u n c o n s c i o u s internal object world of t h e a n a l y s a n d . T h i s is s o b e c a u s e m o s t f u n d a m e n t a l l y t h e a n a l y t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p exists f o r t h e p u r p o s e o f h e l p i n g t h e a n a l y s a n d m a k e p s y c h o l o g i c a l c h a n g e s t h a t will e n a b l e h i m t o live h i s life i n a m o r e fully h u m a n way. T h e p r i v i l e g i n g o f t h e e x p l o r a t i o n of t h e u n c o n s c i o u s life o f t h e a n a l y s a n d is e f f e c t e d t h r o u g h t h e a n a l y s t ' s u s e of his training a n d e x p e r i e n c e in t h e e m p l o y m e n t o f h i s o w n u n c o n s c i o u s i n t h e service of b e i n g r e c e p -

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tive t o t h e "drift" ( F r e u d 1 9 2 3 a , p . 2 3 9 ) o f t h e u n c o n scious of t h e analysand. T h e e x p e r i e n c e of patient a n d analyst in relation t o t h e i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e a n a l y t i c t h i r d is a s y m m e t r i c a l n o t o n l y i n t e r m s o f t h e way i n w h i c h e a c h c o n t r i b u t e s t o its c o n s t r u c t i o n a n d e l a b o r a t i o n . I t is also a s y m m e t r i c a l i n t h a t analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d e a c h e x p e r i e n c e t h e a n a l y t i c third in t h e context of his own separate, individual pers o n a l i t y system w h i c h is s h a p e d a n d s t r u c t u r e d by h i s o w n f o r m o f p s y c h o l o g i c a l o r g a n i z a t i o n , h i s o w n layerings a n d linkages of personal m e a n i n g s derived from t h e totality of h i s h i s t o r y a n d u n i q u e s e t o f life e x p e r i e n c e s , h i s o w n m o d e s of o r g a n i z i n g a n d e x p e r i e n c i n g b o d i l y s e n s a t i o n s , a n d so o n . I n s u m , t h e a n a l y t i c t h i r d is n o t a s i n g l e e v e n t e x p e r i e n c e d i d e n t i c a l l y by two p e o p l e ; r a t h e r , it is a j o i n d y , b u t a s y m m e t r i c a l l y c o n s t r u c t e d a n d e x p e r i e n c e d set o f c o n s c i o u s a n d unconscious intersubjective experiences in which analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d p a r t i c i p a t e .

The Role

ofthe

Couch

in the Analytic

Process

I n this p o r t i o n of t h e d i s c u s s i o n , I shall f o c u s o n s o m e i m p l i c a t i o n s for t e c h n i q u e o f t h e c o n c e p t o f t h e a n a lytic t h i r d as it b e a r s o n a critical e l e m e n t o f t h e a n a lytic f r a m e : t h e u s e o f t h e c o u c h . In a p p r o a c h i n g t h e question of t h e role of t h e c o u c h as a n a s p e c t o f t h e a n a l y t i c f r a m e w o r k , i t is n e c essary t o b e g i n w i t h t h e difficult q u e s t i o n o f w h a t it is t h a t constitutes t h e essential e l e m e n t s of psychoanalysis

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as a t h e r a p e u t i c p r o c e s s . T h e f r a m e w o r k m u s t serve t h e process a n d therefore, in o r d e r to d e t e r m i n e w h e t h e r a n e l e m e n t of t h e f r a m e w o r k d o e s i n d e e d facilitate a psychoanalytic process, o n e m u s t a t t e m p t to broadly d e l i n e a t e for oneself t h e n a t u r e of t h e process. I t is clearly b e y o n d t h e s c o p e o f t h e p r e s e n t c h a p t e r t o offer a t h o r o u g h d i s c u s s i o n o f t h e f u n d a m e n t a l elem e n t s t h a t c o n s t i t u t e psychoanalysis as a t h e r a p e u t i c p r o c e s s . I n s t e a d , I shall simply offer s o m e t h o u g h t s o n t h e s u b j e c t t h a t m i g h t serve as a s t a r t i n g p o i n t f o r t h e e x p l o r a t i o n o f this q u e s t i o n . T o d o so I shall b u i l d u p o n F r e u d ' s c o n c e p t i o n o f t h e essential e l e m e n t s t h a t d e f i n e p s y c h o a n a l y s i s as a m e t h o d of t r e a t m e n t . F r e u d (1914) h e l d t h a t "Any l i n e o f i n v e s t i g a t i o n w h i c h r e c o g n i z e s . . . t h e s e two facts [ t r a n s f e r e n c e a n d r e s i s t a n c e ] a n d takes t h e m as t h e s t a r t i n g - p o i n t of its w o r k h a s a r i g h t t o call itself psycho-analysis . . . " (p. 16). I w o u l d s u g g e s t t h e following elaboration of F r e u d ' s succinct statement. Perh a p s psychoanalysis m i g h t b e viewed as involving a recognition n o t only of transference a n d resistance, b u t also a r e c o g n i t i o n o f t h e n a t u r e o f t h e i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e field w i t h i n w h i c h t r a n s f e r e n c e a n d r e s i s t a n c e a r e g e n e r a t e d . Specifically, as d i s c u s s e d a b o v e , I h a v e i n m i n d t h e c r e a t i o n of a t h i r d s u b j e c t of analysis t h r o u g h w h i c h t h e p h e n o m e n a of t r a n s f e r e n c e a n d r e s i s t a n c e a r e given s y m b o l i c m e a n i n g o n t h e analytic stage. T h a t i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e c o n s t r u c t i o n ( t h e analytic t h i r d ) is g e n e r a t e d t h r o u g h t h e dialectical i n t e r p l a y o f t h e i n d i v i d u a l s u b jectivities o f analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d in t h e c o n t e x t of t h e i r r o l e s as analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d .

112

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T h e p r o b l e m of defining t h e n a t u r e of t h e role of t h e c o u c h as a c o m p o n e n t of t h e a n a l y t i c f r a m e w o r k t h e n b e c o m e s a p r o b l e m of conceptualizing t h e role of t h e use o f t h e c o u c h in t h e process of facilitating a state of m i n d in which t h e intersubjective analytic t h i r d m i g h t b e g e n e r a t e d , e x p e r i e n c e d , e l a b o r a t e d , a n d utilized by analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d . U t i l i z i n g e x p e r i e n c e i n a n d o f t h e a n a l y t i c t h i r d involves t h e c r e a t i o n o f symb o l s in t h e a n a l y t i c d i a l o g u e ( p r e d o m i n a n t l y , b u t n o t exclusively v e r b a l s y m b o l s ) f o r h e r e t o f o r e u n s p e a k a b l e a n d u n t h i n k a b l e aspects of t h e analysand's internal object world. F r e u d ( 1 9 1 3 ) v i e w e d " g e t t i n g t h e p a t i e n t t o lie o n t h e sofa w h i l e I sit b e h i n d h i m o u t o f s i g h t " ( p . 133) as two e s s e n t i a l , i n t e r r e l a t e d e l e m e n t s o f t h e a n a l y t i c setu p w h i c h h e said h e "insists u p o n " ( p . 1 3 4 ) . B o t h t h e p a t i e n t ' s use o f t h e c o u c h a n d t h e analyst's b e i n g "but o f s i g h t " a l l o w e d F r e u d t o "give myself o v e r t o t h e c u r r e n t of my u n c o n s c i o u s t h o u g h t s " (p. 134). A l t h o u g h h e o r i g i n a l l y i n t r o d u c e d t h e u s e o f t h e c o u c h as a form a t d e s i g n e d to h e l p t h e p a t i e n t "to c o n c e n t r a t e his a t t e n t i o n o n h i s s e l f - o b s e r v a t i o n " ( F r e u d 1900, p . 1 0 1 ) , F r e u d ' s (1911-1915) e m p h a s i s in his discussion o f t h e u s e o f t h e c o u c h i n h i s Papers on Technique was n o t o n its r o l e in f a c i l i t a t i n g t h e p a t i e n t ' s c a p a c i t y t o f r e e associate. R a t h e r , F r e u d ' s p r i n c i p a l focus in t h e s e p a p e r s was o n t h e way i n w h i c h t h e u s e of t h e c o u c h a f f o r d s t h e a n a l y s t t h e privacy t h a t h e r e q u i r e s t o d o h i s w o r k : "I c a n n o t p u t u p with b e i n g s t a r e d a t . . . w h i l e I a m l i s t e n i n g t o t h e p a t i e n t . . ." ( 1 9 1 3 , p . 1 3 4 ) .

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T h i s s t a t e m e n t is o f t e n s e e n as a r e f l e c t i o n of o n e of F r e u d ' s p e r s o n a l i d i o s y n c r a c i e s o r e v e n as a m a n i f e s t a tion of a n a s p e c t of his psychopathology. I believe t h a t s u c h r e a d i n g s fail t o a p p r e c i a t e t h e g r e a t i m p o r t a n c e t h a t F r e u d p l a c e d o n t h e necessity of b u i l d i n g i n t o t h e s t r u c t u r e of t h e analytic setting c o n d i t i o n s in w h i c h t h e r e v e r i e s o f t h e a n a l y s t c a n b e g e n e r a t e d a n d utilized. F r e u d (1912) insisted t h a t t h e task o f t h e analyst is t o " s i m p l y l i s t e n " (p. 1 1 2 ) . I b e l i e v e t h a t t h e i n j u n c t i o n t o " s i m p l y l i s t e n " was F r e u d ' s h i g h l y c o n d e n s e d way o f s u g g e s t i n g t h a t t h e a n a l y s t a t t e m p t t o r e n d e r h i m s e l f as u n c o n s c i o u s l y r e c e p t i v e as p o s s i b l e t o t h e patient's unconscious a n d to a t t e m p t to avoid becomT i n g m i r e d i n c o n s c i o u s ( s e c o n d a r y p r o c e s s ) efforts a t o r g a n i z i n g his e x p e r i e n c e . I n s u m , F r e u d (1913) believed t h a t t h e patient's u s e o f t h e c o u c h a n d t h e a n a l y s t ' s privacy i n h i s posit i o n " o u t o f s i g h t " b e h i n d t h e c o u c h a r e critical c o m p o n e n t s of t h e s u p p o r t i n g structure, "the framework" of psychoanalysis. S u c h a n a r r a n g e m e n t helps provide c o n d i t i o n s o f privacy in w h i c h t h e analyst m i g h t e n t e r a s t a t e o f r e v e r i e in w h i c h h e gives h i m s e l f " o v e r t o t h e c u r r e n t o f [ h i s ] u n c o n s c i o u s t h o u g h t s " ( p . 134) a n d r e n d e r s his own u n c o n s c i o u s receptive to t h e u n c o n s c i o u s o f t h e a n a l y s a n d . I m p l i c i t i n this d i s c u s s i o n is t h e i d e a t h a t t h e a n a l y s a n d i n u s i n g t h e c o u c h m i g h t also e x p e r i e n c e similar respite from b e i n g stared at a n d m i g h t m o r e easily give h i m s e l f o v e r t o t h e drift o f h i s o w n u n c o n s c i o u s t h o u g h t s ( a n d p e r h a p s also t o t h o s e of t h e analyst).

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Comments

on

Technique

W h e n I i n t r o d u c e to t h e patient t h e i d e a of t h e use of t h e c o u c h in t h e b e g i n n i n g of a n analysis, I e x p l a i n t o t h e a n a l y s a n d t h a t it is m y p r a c t i c e t o h a v e t h e p a t i e n t lie o n t h e c o u c h w h i l e I sit i n m y c h a i r b e h i n d t h e c o u c h . I g o o n t o e x p l a i n t h a t I d o so b e c a u s e I h a v e f o u n d t h a t this a r r a n g e m e n t affords m e t h e p r i v a c y t o e x p e r i e n c e a n d t h i n k a b o u t w h a t is o c c u r r i n g i n a w a y t h a t is n e c e s s a r y f o r m e t o d o t h e a n a l y t i c w o r k . I a d d t h a t t h e a n a l y s a n d m a y find t h a t this way of w o r k i n g also allows h i m t o e x p e r i e n c e his o w n t h o u g h t s a n d f e e l i n g s i n a way t h a t feels t o h i m d i f f e r e n t f r o m h i s o r d i n a r y ways o f t h i n k i n g , feeling, a n d e x p e r i e n c i n g b o d i l y s e n s a t i o n s . P r e s e n t i n g t h e u s e of t h e c o u c h i n a m a n n e r t h a t e m p h a s i z e s m y o w n n e e d as well as t h a t o f t h e a n a l y s a n d f o r a n a r e a o f privacy, a p s y c h o l o g i c a l s p a c e ( i n b o t h a literal a n d a m e t a p h o r i c a l s e n s e ) i n which to think a n d generate experience, represents an important statement to the patient of my conception of t h e a n a l y t i c m e t h o d a n d o f o u r o v e r l a p p i n g r o l e s i n it. I t h a s b e e n i m p l i c i t i n w h a t h a s b e e n said t h u s far t h a t I view t h e c i r c u m s t a n c e s r e q u i r e d f o r b o t h a n a l y s t a n d analysand to gain access to a state of reverie to b e a n e c e s s a r y c o n d i t i o n f o r t h e c o n d u c t o f analysis. O n e m i g h t c o m p a r e t h e n e c e s s a r y c o n d i t i o n s f o r analysis t o t h e s u r g e o n ' s r e q u i r e m e n t f o r a s t e r i l e field i n w h i c h t o o p e r a t e . I n b o t h t h e case o f t h e a n a l y s t a n d o f t h e surg e o n , k n o w l e d g e , t r a i n i n g , a n d skillfulness o f t e c h n i q u e a r e l i a b l e t o b e r e n d e r e d i n c o n s e q u e n t i a l if t h e

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n e c e s s a r y c o n t e x t f o r t h e w o r k d o e s n o t exist. I h a v e c o m e t o view t h e u s e o f t h e c o u c h as a n i m p o r t a n t c o n tributing e l e m e n t to t h e creation of t h e conditions in which reverie m i g h t b e g e n e r a t e d a n d utilized. At t h e s a m e time, t h e p a t i e n t ' s u s e of t h e c o u c h (while t h e a n a l y s t sits b e h i n d it, o u t o f s i g h t ) is b u t o n e set o f fact o r s c o n t r i b u t i n g t o t h e c o n d i t i o n s t h a t facilitate t h e c r e a t i o n o f a n analytic p r o c e s s . M o r e o v e r , t h e fact t h a t t h e p a t i e n t is u s i n g t h e c o u c h is b y n o m e a n s a g u a r a n t e e t h a t a n analytic p r o c e s s is b e i n g g e n e r a t e d a n d utilized ( S e e G o l d b e r g e r [ 1 9 9 5 ] f o r a d i s c u s s i o n o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s u s e of t h e c o u c h as a p o t e n t i a l f o r transference enactment.) T h e c u r r e n t d i s c u s s i o n of t h e r o l e o f t h e c o u c h i n f a c i l i t a t i n g c o n d i t i o n s f o r t h e e l a b o r a t i o n o f states of r e v e r i e is n o t m e a n t t o s u g g e s t t h a t t h e analyst s h o u l d insist (in a s p o k e n o r a n u n s p o k e n m a n n e r ) t h a t every a n a l y t i c p a t i e n t u s e t h e c o u c h a t all t i m e s ( F e n i c h e l 1941, F r a n k 1995, J a c o b s o n 1995, L i c h t e n b e r g 1 9 9 5 ) . T h e r e a r e p e r i o d s o f analysis w h e n t h e u s e o f t h e c o u c h is t o o f r i g h t e n i n g f o r t h e p a t i e n t t o t o l e r a t e . U n d e r t h e s e c i r c u m s t a n c e s , it w o u l d b e c o u n t e r - t h e r a p e u t i c f o r t h e a n a l y s t t o a t t e m p t t o bypass t h e r e c o g n i t i o n a n d analysis o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s a n x i e t y by p r e s s u r i n g h i m t o u s e t h e c o u c h . S u c h b e h a v i o r o n t h e p a r t of t h e analyst w o u l d likely r e p r e s e n t a f o r m of c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e . acting-out.

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Couch

in Analytic

Practice

With t h e b a c k g r o u n d o f t h e p r e c e d i n g discussion o f t h e u s e o f t h e c o u c h ( i n c l u d i n g t h e analyst's p o s i t i o n o u t o f s i g h t b e h i n d it) as a p a r t o f t h e analytic f r a m e w o r k d e s i g n e d t o m a k e p o s s i b l e " o v e r l a p p i n g state of reve r i e , " I w o u l d like t o t u r n t o a b r i e f c o n s i d e r a t i o n o f a r e l a t e d q u e s t i o n o f analytic p r a c t i c e : S h o u l d analysts r e s t r i c t t h e u s e of t h e c o u c h t o p a t i e n t s b e i n g s e e n f o u r o r m o r e times a week? This question requires t h a t we r e t u r n t o t h e m a t t e r of w h a t we c o n s i d e r t o b e t h e elem e n t s t h a t d e f i n e a n analytic p r o c e s s . S i n c e analytic t e c h n i q u e m u s t facilitate t h e analytic p r o c e s s , t h e q u e s tion b e c o m e s o n e o f e x a m i n i n g t h e r o l e o f t h e c o u c h i n facilitating t h e c r e a t i o n o f a n analytic p r o c e s s . I n o t h e r w o r d s , d o e s it s e e m t h a t t h e n a t u r e o f the analytic p r o cess as we u n d e r s t a n d it is tied t o a specific f r e q u e n c y o f m e e t i n g s (for e x a m p l e , f o u r o r m o r e m e e t i n g s p e r w e e k ) o r is t h e analytic p r o c e s s d e f i n e d by a specific q u a l i t y of p s y c h o l o g i c a l - i n t e r p e r s o n a l e x p e r i e n c e t h a t m a y b e i n d e p e n d e n t o f t h e f r e q u e n c y of m e e t i n g s ? I n a n effort t o b e g i n t o c o n s i d e r t h e s e i n t e r r e l a t e d q u e s t i o n s , I shall s c h e m a t i c a l l y p r e s e n t a series o f t h o u g h t s relating to my conception o f t h e n a t u r e o f t h e a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s . T h e series o f t h o u g h t s will u l t i m a t e l y a d d r e s s t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p o f t h e u s e of t h e c o u c h t o t h e frequency of meetings. 1. Psychoanalysis is a

psychological-interpersonal

p r o c e s s t h a t r e q u i r e s c o n d i t i o n s in w h i c h analyst

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a n d a n a l y s a n d j o i n t l y ( a n d asymmetrically) g e n e r a t e a n u n c o n s c i o u s t h i r d s u b j e c t o f analysis. 2. T h e analysis o f u n c o n s c i o u s ( t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e ) e x p e r i e n c e r e q u i r e s receptivity t o states of r e v e r i e o n t h e p a r t of b o t h analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d with w h i c h t o r e c o n t e x t u a l i z e ( m o r e accurately, t o newly c o n t e x t u a l i z e ) u n c o n s c i o u s a s p e c t s of e x p e r i e n c e . 3. A s s o c i a t i o n a l l i n k a g e s a n d n e w c o n t e x t u a l i z a tions a m o n g (largely) u n c o n s c i o u s aspects of e x p e r i e n c e r e q u i r e t h a t privacy c o n d u c i v e to a state of reverie b e afforded to b o t h analyst a n d analysand. 4. T h e p a t i e n t ' s u s e of t h e c o u c h (with t h e analyst s e a t e d o u t o f s i g h t b e h i n d t h e c o u c h ) fosters c o n d i t i o n s in w h i c h analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d m i g h t e a c h h a v e sufficient privacy w i t h w h i c h to e n t e r into their own states of reverie, which s t a t e s involve a n a r e a o f " o v e r l a p . " (uPsychotherapy takes place in the overlap of two areas of playing, that of the patient and that ofthe therapist!' [ W i n n i c o t t 1971a, p . 3 8 ] . ) 5. I t t h e n follows t h a t t h e p a t i e n t ' s u s e o f t h e c o u c h ( a n d t h e a n a l y s t ' s privacy b e h i n d it) p r o v i d e a m e a n s of facilitating access o n t h e p a r t o f a n a l y s t a n d a n a l y s a n d t o a "play s p a c e , " a n a r e a o f o v e r l a p p i n g states of r e v e r i e , t h a t is a necessary c o n d i t i o n for t h e elaboration a n d analysis o f t h e u n c o n s c i o u s , i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e a n a l y t i c t h i r d (cf. G r o t s t e i n 1 9 9 5 ) .

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H o w e v e r else o n e defines analysis, it s e e m s essential t o i n c l u d e in o n e ' s definition t h e effort t o generate a n d experience the unconscious analytic t h i r d a n d to foster a state of reverie t h r o u g h w h i c h t h e analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d m i g h t g e t a s e n s e o f t h e "drift" ( F r e u d 1923a) of t h a t " s h a r e d " ( a n d yet individually e x p e r i e n c e d ) u n c o n s c i o u s c o n struction. T h e analytic e n t e r p r i s e is best d e f i n e d n o t by its f o r m ( i n c l u d i n g t h e frequency of m e e t ings), b u t by its s u b s t a n c e , w h i c h involves t h e analysis of t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e ( i n c l u d i n g a n x i e t y / d e f e n s e ) as t h e s e p h e n o m e n a a r e given s h a p e in t h e e x p e r i e n c i n g of a n d i n t e r p r e t a t i o n of t h e analytic t h i r d .

It h a s b e e n m y e x p e r i e n c e t h a t it is r e g u l a r l y t h e c a s e t h a t i n c r e a s i n g t h e f r e q u e n c y of s e s s i o n s p e r w e e k e n h a n c e s t h e c a p a c i t y o f analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d t o g e n e r a t e o v e r l a p p i n g states o f r e v e r i e . T o m y m i n d , it m a k e s n o sense to r e s p o n d to a c o m p r o m i s e of o n e set o f c o n d i t i o n s u n d e r w h i c h a n analysis is b e i n g c o n d u c t e d by c o m p r o m i s i n g o t h e r c o n d i t i o n s c o n d u c i v e t o t h e c r e a t i o n o f a n a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s . Specifically, i t w o u l d b e difficult f o r m e t o u n d e r s t a n d t h e l o g i c u n d e r l y i n g a d e c i s i o n t o w o r k w i t h a p a t i e n t i n a faceto-face m a n n e r b e c a u s e c o n d i t i o n s c o n d u c i v e t o t h e c r e a t i o n o f a n analytic p r o c e s s h a v e b e e n c o m p r o m i s e d as a r e s u l t o f c o n s t r a i n t s l e a d i n g t o a f r e q u e n c y o f m e e t i n g s t h a t s e e m s t o t h e analyst t o b e less t h a n o p t i m a l . As a result, unless t h e r e are compelling reasons n o t to use

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t h e c o u c h i n a g i v e n i n s t a n c e , I c o n d u c t all o f m y a n a lytic w o r k w i t h t h e p a t i e n t u s i n g t h e c o u c h , r e g a r d l e s s o f t h e n u m b e r o f times p e r w e e k t h a t t h e p a t i e n t is b e i n g seen.1 Re-Casting

the Fundamental

Rule

A l t h o u g h t h e t e r m " f u n d a m e n t a l r u l e " was n o t i n t r o d u c e d by F r e u d u n t i l 1912, t h e c o n c e p t was always a c e n t r a l p a r t o f F r e u d ' s ( 1 9 0 0 ) t h i n k i n g a b o u t analytic t e c h n i q u e i n The Interpretation of Dreams. In 1913 F r e u d m a d e h i s m o s t fully e l a b o r a t e d s t a t e m e n t r e g a r d i n g "the f u n d a m e n t a l rule of psycho-analytic t e c h n i q u e w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t has to observe" (p. 134): "This m u s t b e i m p a r t e d t o h i m [ t h e a n a l y s a n d ] a t t h e very b e g i n n i n g : ' O n e m o r e t h i n g b e f o r e y o u start. W h a t y o u tell m e m u s t differ i n o n e r e s p e c t f r o m a n o r d i n a r y c o n v e r s a t i o n . . . Y o u will b e t e m p t e d t o say t o y o u r s e l f t h a t t h i s o r t h a t is i r r e l e v a n t h e r e , o r q u i t e u n i m p o r t a n t , o r n o n -

1. My use of analytic technique in the service of generating an analytic process (for example, use of reverie in relation to my understanding of my experience of the transference-countertransference and my use of this understanding in the interpretation of the leading transference-countertransference anxiety) does not change in response to the number of times per week that I am seeing a patient. For example, I rely no more on suggestion, exhortation, reassurance, and the like in work with patients being seen once or twice per week than I do with patients being seen four, five, or six times per week.

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sensical, so t h a t t h e r e is n o n e e d t o say it. Y o u m u s t n e v e r give i n t o t h e s e criticisms, b u t m u s t say it s p i t e o f t h e m — i n d e e d , y o u m u s t say it p r e c i s e l y because you feel a n a v e r s i o n t o d o i n g so . . . S o say w h a t e v e r g o e s t h r o u g h y o u r m i n d . . . Finally, n e v e r f o r g e t t h a t y o u have p r o m i s e d to b e absolutely honest, a n d n e v e r leave a n y t h i n g o u t b e c a u s e , f o r s o m e r e a s o n o r o t h e r , it is u n p l e a s a n t t o tell i t ' " ( p p . 1 3 4 - 1 3 5 ) . A r e c e n t review o f the l i t e r a t u r e ( L i c h t e n b e r g a n d G a l l e r 1987) r e v e a l e d t h a t "very few p a p e r s i n t h e literat u r e h a v e as t h e i r m a i n t o p i c a m o d i f i c a t i o n i n . . . t h e f u n d a m e n t a l r u l e , a n d o n l y slightly m o r e s u g g e s t m o d i f i c a t i o n s i n p a s s i n g " ( p . 5 2 ) . I n a m o r e fully e l a b o r a t e d c o m m e n t a r y o n the fundamental rule, Etchegoyen ( 1 9 9 1 ) states: "Special c i r c u m s t a n c e s c a n a r i s e i n w h i c h it is a d v i s a b l e t o follow a p a t h o t h e r t h a n t h e u s u a l o n e , w i t h o u t t h i s m e a n i n g in a n y way t h a t w e c a n d e p a r t f r o m t h e [ f u n d a m e n t a l ] r u l e " (p. 6 5 ) . T h e r e a r e several a s p e c t s o f t h e q u e s t i o n o f t h e f u n d a m e n t a l r u l e t h a t I s h a l l a d d r e s s . It s e e m s t o m e that any consideration of t h e role of t h e " f u n d a m e n t a l r u l e " m u s t b e g i n by r e l a t i n g this a s p e c t o f t e c h n i q u e t o o u r c o n c e p t i o n o f t h e analytic p r o c e s s as a w h o l e s i n c e technique must facilitate process. V i e w e d very b r o a d l y , p s y c h o a n a l y s i s m i g h t b e d e s c r i b e d as a p s y c h o l o g i c a l interpersonal process intended to e n h a n c e the a n a l y s a n d ' s c a p a c i t y t o b e alive as a h u m a n b e i n g . A l t h o u g h a g r e a t m a n y analysis h a v e m a d e p i v o t a l c o n t r i b u t i o n s t o t h i s c o n c e p t i o n o f analysis, W i n n i c o t t is p e r h a p s t h e p r i n c i p a l a r c h i t e c t of a m o d e r n c o n c e p -

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tion o f p s y c h o a n a l y s i s i n w h i c h t h e c e n t r a l f o c u s of t h e a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s h a s b e e n b r o a d e n e d f r o m t h e task of m a k i n g t h e u n c o n s c i o u s c o n s c i o u s (in t h e l a n g u a g e o f t h e t o p o g r a p h i c m o d e l ) o r of t r a n s f o r m i n g i d i n t o e g o (in t h e l a n g u a g e of t h e structural m o d e l ) . T h e analytic p r o c e s s f o r W i n n i c o t t ( 1 9 7 1 b ) h a s as its c e n t r a l c o n c e r n t h e e x p a n s i o n o f t h e c a p a c i t y o f analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d t o c r e a t e "a p l a c e t o live" i n a n a r e a of e x p e r i e n c i n g t h a t lies b e t w e e n reality a n d fantasy. T h e p s y c h o a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s , as c o n c e i v e d by W i n n i c o t t , d e m a n d s o f a n a l y t i c t e c h n i q u e a full a p p r e c i a t i o n o f t h e i m p o r t a n c e of t h e g e n e r a t i v e t e n s i o n between privacy and interpersonal relatedness: " A l t h o u g h healthy p e r s o n s c o m m u n i c a t e a n d enjoy c o m m u n i c a t i n g , t h e o t h e r fact is e q u a l l y t r u e , t h a t each individual is an isolate, permanently non-communicating, permanently unknown, in fact, unfound. . .... A t t h e c e n t r e o f e a c h h u m a n b e i n g is a n i n c o m m u n i c a d o elem e n t , a n d this is s a c r e d a n d m o s t w o r t h y o f p r e s e r v a t i o n " ( W i n n i c o t t 1963, p . 1 8 7 ) . O n t h e basis of this c o n c e p t i o n o f w h a t it is t o b e h u m a n , W i n n i c o t t c o m m e n t s o n p s y c h o a n a l y s i s as a t h e o r y ( a l t h o u g h t h e implications of his c o m m e n t s for analytic t e c h n i q u e are clear): "We c a n u n d e r s t a n d t h e h a t r e d p e o p l e h a v e o f psycho-analysis w h i c h h a s p e n e t r a t e d a l o n g way i n t o t h e h u m a n p e r s o n a l i t y , a n d w h i c h p r o v i d e s a t h r e a t t o t h e h u m a n i n d i v i d u a l i n his n e e d t o b e s e c r e t l y i s o l a t e d " (p. 1 8 7 ) . A b i t l a t e r , h e a d d s , " W e m u s t ask o u r s e l v e s , d o e s o u r t e c h n i q u e allow f o r t h e p a t i e n t t o c o m m u n i c a t e t h a t h e o r s h e is n o t

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c o m m u n i c a t i n g ? " (p. 1 8 8 ) . It is this q u e s t i o n t h a t f o r m s t h e b a c k d r o p for m y own r e - e x a m i n a t i o n of t h e fundam e n t a l rule. In previous contributions ( O g d e n 1989a, b, 1991b), I have discussed my own c o n c e p t i o n o f t h e role of personal isolation in p r o t e c t i n g t h e individual a g a i n s t t h e c o n t i n u o u s s t r a i n t h a t is a n i n e s c a p a b l e p a r t o f living in t h e u n p r e d i c t a b l e m a t r i x o f h u m a n o b j e c t r e l a t i o n s ( 1 9 9 1 b ) . 1 h a v e e m p h a s i z e d t h e life-sustaining role of sensation-dominated ("autistic-contiguous" [ 1 9 8 9 a , b , ] ) f o r m s of e x p e r i e n c e i n t h e c r e a t i o n o f a t e m p o r a r y suspension of relatedness b o t h to t h e m o t h e r / a n a l y s t as o b j e c t a n d t o t h e m o t h e r / a n a l y s t as e n v i r o n m e n t . As a r e s u l t o f this view o f t h e c e n t r a l r o l e of privacy/personal isolation in healthy h u m a n experie n c e , I d o n o t i n m y o w n p r a c t i c e o f analysis i n s t r u c t t h e p a t i e n t t o a t t e m p t t o say e v e r y t h i n g t h a t c o m e s t o m i n d r e g a r d l e s s o f h o w "illogical o r e m b a r r a s s i n g o r trivial o r s e e m i n g l y i r r e l e v a n t " ( G r e e n s o n 1971, p . 102) it m a y s e e m . N e i t h e r d o I b e l i e v e t h a t it is sufficient t o " s o f t e n " t h e f u n d a m e n t a l r u l e w i t h c o m m e n t s s u c h as, "I u n d e r s t a n d t h a t t h e task o f s a y i n g e v e r y t h i n g t h a t c o m e s t o m i n d is a difficult ( o r i m p o s s i b l e ) o n e . " I n s t e a d , it is m y p r a c t i c e t o s i m p l y invite t h e p a t i e n t , i n a n u n s p o k e n way, t o b e g i n t h e analysis by c o n d u c t i n g myself i n t h e initial m e e t i n g s i n a way t h a t p r o v i d e s t h e p a t i e n t a s e n s e o f w h a t it m e a n s t o b e i n analysis ( O g d e n 1 9 8 9 b ) . I n t h e o p e n i n g m o m e n t s o f t h e first m e e t i n g I m a y say n o t h i n g o r m a y a s k t h e p a t i e n t , " W h e r e s h o u l d we b e g i n ? " My effort is t o i n t r o ?

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d u c e t h e p a t i e n t i n t h e initial m e e t i n g ( a n d i n every s u b s e q u e n t m e e t i n g ) t o t h e n a t u r e of a n analytic dial o g u e ( w h i c h is c h a r a c t e r i z e d by a c o m b i n a t i o n of q u a l ities t h a t t h e a n a l y s a n d will n o t h a v e e n c o u n t e r e d e l s e w h e r e s i n c e t h e analytic d i a l o g u e is d i f f e r e n t f r o m e v e r y o t h e r f o r m of h u m a n d i s c o u r s e ) . I a t t e m p t t o d o this i n a way t h a t d o e s n o t a n n o u n c e itself as a " t e c h n i q u e " (i.e., as a s t a g n a n t , p r e s c r i b e d f o r m ) . T h e "fund a m e n t a l r u l e " i n c u r r e n t analytic p r a c t i c e is i n d a n g e r o f b e c o m i n g a f r o z e n i n j u n c t i o n for b o t h analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d . It is o f t e n t r e a t e d as a static, u n e x a m i n e d f i x t u r e i n t h e a n a l y t i c l a n d s c a p e c a r r y i n g all t h e stifling p o w e r o f F r e u d ' s ( 1 9 1 3 ) r e p e a t e d u s e of t h e w o r d s " m u s t " a n d "insist" i n his d e s c r i p t i o n o f t h e i n t r o d u c r tion o f t h e a n a l y s a n d t o t h e f u n d a m e n t a l r u l e . It s e e m s t o m e a n t i t h e t i c a l t o t h e effort t o g e n e r a t e a n analytic p r o c e s s t o e x h o r t t h e p a t i e n t t o say e v e r y t h i n g t h a t c o m e s t o m i n d . T o d o so w o u l d r u n c o u n t e r t o m y c o n c e p t i o n o f t h e analytic e x p e r i e n c e as b e i n g g r o u n d e d i n t h e dialectical i n t e r p l a y o f t h e capacities of analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d for r e v e r i e ( O g d e n 1994a, d ) . It is as i m p o r t a n t for a p a t i e n t t o k n o w t h a t h e is free t o b e silent as it is for h i m t o k n o w t h a t h e is free to s p e a k . T o privilege s p e a k i n g o v e r silence, disclosure over privacy, c o m m u n i c a t i n g o v e r n o t c o m m u n i c a t i n g , s e e m s as u n a n a l y t i c as it w o u l d b e t o privilege t h e positive t r a n s f e r e n c e o v e r t h e n e g a t i v e t r a n s f e r e n c e , g r a t i t u d e over envy, love over h a t e , t h e d e p r e s s i v e m o d e o f g e n e r a t i n g e x p e r i e n c e over t h e p a r a n o i d - s c h i z o i d a n d autistic-contiguous m o d e s of generating experience (Ogden 1986,1988b).

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It is t h e p o i n t a t w h i c h t h e s e dialectics (for e x a m p l e , t h e dialectical t e n s i o n o f love a n d h a t e , d i s c l o s u r e a n d privacy, c o m m u n i c a t i n g a n d n o t c o m m u n i c a t i n g ) h a v e c o l l a p s e d i n o n e " d i r e c t i o n " o r a n o t h e r (for e x a m p l e , w h e n a n o v e r v a l u a t i o n of d i s c l o s u r e h a s l e d t o t h e e q u a tion of privacy a n d resistance) t h a t t h e i n d i v i d u a l ( o r t h e analytic p a i r ) h a s e n t e r e d t h e r e a l m o f p s y c h o p a t h o l o g y . F r o m this perspective, p s y c h o p a t h o l o g y involves a variety of f o r m s of failure of t h e i n d i v i d u a l ( o r o f t h e analytic p a i r ) t o c o m e t o life in t h e p r o c e s s of g e n e r a t i n g a n d p r e s e r v i n g t h e s e dialectical t e n s i o n s a n d i n s t e a d b e c o m i n g e n g a g e d in c r e a t i n g s u b s t i t u t e s for t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f aliveness, for e x a m p l e , i n t h e f o r m o f p e r v e r s e p l e a s u r e , m a n i c e x c i t e m e n t , as-if c o n s t r u c t i o n s , a n d so o n . I believe t h a t t o b e g i n o r f o u n d t h e analytic e n t e r p r i s e o n a s t a t e d ( o r u n s t a t e d ) ideal t h a t e m b o d i e s a c o l l a p s e o f t h e dialectical t e n s i o n o f c o m m u n i c a t i n g a n d n o t c o m m u n i c a t i n g in t h e d i r e c t i o n o f d i s c l o s u r e r e p r e s e n t s a n invitation into a pathological relationship. T h e o u t c o m e is o f t e n t h e c r e a t i o n o f a i a t r o g e n i c illness i n w h i c h t h e c a p a c i t y for r e v e r i e is p a r a l y z e d o r d r i v e n i n t o h i d i n g , t h u s m a k i n g it significandy less likely t h a t a g e n u i n e a n a lytic p r o c e s s will ever t a k e p l a c e . A t this p o i n t , I w o u l d like t o offer a b r i e f c l i n i c a l e x a m p l e o f a c o l l a p s e of t h e d i a l e c t i c o f privacy a n d c o m m u n i c a t i o n t h a t r e s u l t e d i n a n e x p e r i e n c e o f psychological deadness. I was c o n s u l t e d by D r . E. a b o u t a n analysis h e was c o n d u c t i n g t h a t h a d felt " s t a g n a n t " t o h i m f o r sev-

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e r a l years. T h e analyst felt o p p r e s s e d by t h e p a t i e n t , Ms. J . , a l t h o u g h D r . E. s a i d t h a t h e q u i t e liked her. T h e analyst told m e t h a t h e often wished t h a t h e c o u l d d e c r e a s e t h e f r e q u e n c y of sessions f r o m five t i m e s p e r w e e k t o two o r t h r e e times p e r w e e k , o r p e r h a p s t e r m i n a t e t h e analysis a l t o g e t h e r . In the course o f t h e extended consultation, I asked D r . E. t o p r e s e n t p r o c e s s n o t e s f r o m s e v e r a l sessions i n c l u d i n g a detailed a c c o u n t of his c o u n t e r transference responses to the patient. D r . E. d e s c r i b e d t h e way i n w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t w o u l d fill t h e h o u r s w i t h a p p a r e n d y i n t r o s p e c t i v e talk t h a t " s e e m e d t o g o n o w h e r e . " H e t o l d m e t h a t h e o f t e n s t r u g g l e d t o fight off s l e e p . D r . E. a d d e d t h a t h i s d e s c r i p t i o n of t h e f e e l i n g o f t h e analysis w o u l d b e i n c o m p l e t e if h e o m i t t e d t h e fact t h a t t h e r e w e r e t i m e s w h e n h e felt painfully self-cons c i o u s d u r i n g t h e sessions with this p a t i e n t . D r . E. s a i d t h a t Ms. J . c o u l d b e e x t r e m e l y c u t t i n g in h e r "always p e r c e p t i v e " c r i t i q u e of h i s t a s t e i n c l o t h i n g , s l i g h t w e i g h t c h a n g e s , d e p o r t m e n t , office d e c o r a tion, a n d so o n . S u c h c o m m e n t s w e r e o f f e r e d a p o l ogetically by t h e p a t i e n t a n d w e r e often prefaced by s u c h r e m a r k s as, " I ' m afraid I'll o f f e n d y o u o r h u r t y o u if I tell y o u w h a t I ' m t h i n k i n g . " I n o n e o f t h e few d r e a m s r e p o r t e d by t h e a n a l y s a n d , s h e was i n a p u b l i c p l a c e n e e d i n g t o t a k e a s h o w e r , b u t f o u n d t h a t n o n e o f t h e stalls h a d s h o w e r c u r t a i n s . T h e r e was a m o d e s t , u n a s s u m i n g d o o r t h a t l o o k e d like a b a t h r o o m d o o r

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Reverie and Interpretation w h i c h l e d t o a lovely a p a r t m e n t d e c o r a t e d i n t h e p a t i e n t ' s favorite c o l o r s , d e e p r e d s a n d b r o w n s . Ms. J . said t h a t s h e h a d n o t h o u g h t s a b o u t t h e d r e a m . I w o n d e r e d a l o u d w i t h D r . E. w h e t h e r t h e d r e a m m i g h t have reflected a painful, a n d t h u s far u n s p o k e n , f e e l i n g o f l a c k o f privacy i n t h e t r a n s f e r ence-countertransference. T h e "modest" door led t o a living s p a c e (a s p a c e w h e r e t h e p a t i e n t c o u l d b e alive in p r i v a c y ) . I t was a p l a c e t h a t r e f l e c t e d a style o f h e r o w n . I said t h a t t h e d e e p r e d a n d b r o w n c o l o r s s e e m e d t o s u g g e s t t h a t s e x u a l aliven e s s was p a r t o f w h a t was b e i n g i m a g i n e d a n d e x p e r i e n c e d by t h e p a t i e n t i n t h e d r e a m , a n d p e r h a p s w i s h e d f o r in t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e . I n t h e course o f t h e discussion of this d r e a m , I a s k e d D r . E. w h e t h e r h e h a d t o l d Ms. J . t h a t it was h e r task t o say e v e r y t h i n g t h a t c a m e t o m i n d . H e s a i d t h a t h e h a d t o l d this t o t h e p a t i e n t a t t h e b e g i n n i n g o f t h e analysis (seven y e a r s e a r l i e r ) , b u t t h a t this i n s t r u c t i o n h a d n o t b e e n m e n t i o n e d s i n c e t h e n by e i t h e r o f t h e m . I r a i s e d t h e possibility w i t h D r . E. t h a t h i s feeli n g s o f b e i n g painfully a n d intrusively s e e n a n d e x p o s e d by Ms. J . m a y reflect s o m e t h i n g o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s p r o j e c t e d e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g sadistically r o b b e d of h e r own i n n e r world. It s e e m e d possible t h a t this f a n t a s i e d d e s t r u c t i v e p l u n d e r i n g was o c c u r r i n g b e c a u s e b o t h t h e analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d h a d subjugated themselves to a n imagined authority, t h e " f u n d a m e n t a l r u l e " a n d all t h a t it s y m b o l -

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i z e d f o r b o t h D r . E. a n d for t h e p a t i e n t . ( O f c o u r s e , n o s i n g l e f a c t o r s u c h as t h e analyst's i n s t r u c t i n g t h e p a t i e n t t o say e v e r y t h i n g t h a t c o m e s t o m i n d , will d e t e r m i n e t h e c o u r s e o f a n analysis. I n t h e case b e i n g d i s c u s s e d , t h e analyst's i n s t r u c t i o n s r e g a r d i n g t h e f u n d a m e n t a l rule were a manifestation of a n evolving i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e c o n s t r u c t i o n i n w h i c h analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d w e r e e n s n a r e d . ) A t h o r o u g h d i s c u s s i o n o f this a s p e c t o f t h e transference-countertransference o c c u r r e d over t h e s u c c e e d i n g m o n t h s of c o n s u l t a t i o n . O n e elem e n t in this discussion involved Dr. E.'s telling m e t h a t h e h a d t a k e n t h e f u n d a m e n t a l r u l e as a "given" i n p a r t b e c a u s e it h a d s e r v e d as a m a j o r c o m p o n e n t o f t h e c o n t e x t in w h i c h h i s o w n analysis h a d b e e n c o n d u c t e d . D r . E. r e c o g n i z e d i n h i s o w n non-self-reflectiveness a b o u t t h i s a s p e c t o f t h e analytic interaction, a n acting-out of his resentm e n t a b o u t t h i s a s p e c t of h i s o w n e x p e r i e n c e i n analysis a n d s u s p e c t e d ( o n t h e basis o f f u r t h e r reve r i e s o c c u r r i n g d u r i n g t h e sessions w i t h Ms. J . ) t h a t h e was i n v o l v e d i n a f a n t a s i e d r e t a l i a t o r y reversal o f r o l e s i n t h e c u r r e n t analysis. D r . E. e v e n t u a l l y t o l d t h e p a t i e n t t h a t r e c e n t e v e n t s in t h e analysis h a d r e m i n d e d h i m o f Ms. J . ' s d r e a m a b o u t the public showers that lacked shower c u r t a i n s . H e c o n n e c t e d this i m a g e i n p a r t t o h i s h a v i n g i n s t r u c t e d h e r t o say e v e r y t h i n g t h a t c a m e t o m i n d . D r . E. t o l d t h e p a t i e n t t h a t h e h o p e d t h a t analyses t h a t h e c o n d u c t e d w o u l d r e s u l t i n c h a n g e s

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in h i m as well as i n t h e p a t i e n t . O n e c h a n g e t h a t h a d o c c u r r e d o v e r t h e p r e v i o u s s e v e n y e a r s was h i s f e e l i n g a b o u t a s k i n g a p a t i e n t t o say e v e r y t h i n g t h a t comes to m i n d . Showers should have shower curt a i n s a n d analyses s h o u l d h a v e a p l a c e f o r privacy. T h e p a t i e n t was g r e a d y r e l i e v e d by D r . E.'s c o m m e n t s . L a t e r in t h e session, s h e said t h a t it h a d m e a n t a great deal to h e r that h e had spoken to h e r w i t h s u c h c a n d o r . D r . E. t o l d m e t h a t h e c o u l d n o t recall Ms. J . ' s ever h a v i n g e x p r e s s e d g r a t i t u d e t o h i m i n so d i r e c t a n d m o v i n g a way. Reconceiving

the Fundamental

Rule

If I w e r e t o p u t i n t o w o r d s f o r myself m y view o f t h e a n a l y s a n d ' s r o l e in r e l a t i o n t o c o m m u n i c a t i n g a n d n o t c o m m u n i c a t i n g in t h e a n a l y t i c s e t t i n g , I s u p p o s e it w o u l d b e g i n with t h e n o t i o n t h a t c o m m u n i c a t i n g a n d p r i v a c y a r e e a c h t o b e v a l u e d as d i m e n s i o n s o f h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e , e a c h c r e a t i n g a n d p r e s e r v i n g t h e vitality, t h e " s e n s e of r e a l " ( W i n n i c o t t 1963, p . 184) o f t h e i n d i v i d u a l a n d of t h e analytic e x p e r i e n c e . F o r m u l a t e d as a b r i e f s t a t e m e n t t o a n a n a l y s a n d , it m i g h t t a k e t h e foll o w i n g f o r m : "I view o u r m e e t i n g s as a time f o r y o u t o say w h a t y o u w a n t t o ay, w h e n y o u w a n t t o say it, a n d f o r m e t o r e s p o n d i n m y o w n way. A t t h e s a m e t i m e , t h e r e m u s t always b e a p l a c e f o r privacy f o r b o t h o f us." T h i s is a l o n g , r a t h e r a w k w a r d s t a t e m e n t , a n d I a m n o t s u r e t h a t I h a v e e v e r said this in p r e c i s e l y this way t o a n a n a l y s a n d . T h e s t a t e m e n t s o u n d s stilted t o m e , I t h i n k

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i n p a r t b e c a u s e it is a n i m a g i n a r y c o m m e n t d e v o i d o f t h e p e r s o n a l c o n t e x t o f a specific h u m a n i n t e r a c t i o n . N o n e t h e l e s s , it c a p t u r e s a g o o d d e a l o f w h a t I o f t e n say t o myself, a n d , w h e n t h e o c c a s i o n arises, w h a t I talk a b o u t with the patient.2 It is n o t i n f r e q u e n t t h a t t h e a n a l y s a n d will h a v e either r e a d a b o u t t h e "fundamental rule," o r devised a v e r s i o n o f it f o r h i m s e l f (for e x a m p l e , o n t h e basis o f e x p e r i e n c e w i t h p a r e n t s w h o w e r e felt t o r e q u i r e h i m t o "tell all") o r " l e a r n e d a b o u t " t h e f u n d a m e n t a l r u l e t h r o u g h e x p e r i e n c e i n o n e o r m o r e p r e v i o u s analyses. U n d e r s u c h c i r c u m s t a n c e s , it h a s b e e n e s s e n t i a l for m e t o talk w i t h t h e p a t i e n t a b o u t his c o n c e p t i o n of t h e " r u l e s o f analysis" r e l a t i n g t o free a s s o c i a t i o n , i.e., his r u l e s c o n c e r n i n g t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n w h a t is said a n d w h a t is left u n s a i d , b e t w e e n w h a t must b e m a d e p u b l i c a n d w h a t "is a l l o w e d t o " r e m a i n p r i v a t e . Several p a t i e n t s h a v e t o l d m e t h a t o n t h e basis o f t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e s in p r e v i o u s analyses, t h e y h a d c o m e t o a s s u m e

2. This view of the role of the analysand overlaps brief comments made by Altman (1976) and Gill (personal communication reported by Epstein, 1976) concerning their own versions of the fundamental rule. Altman (1976) suggests speaking to the patient in a way that conveys to the analysand that the analysand is "entitled to say anything" (p. 59). Gill (personal communication reported by Epstein 1976) suggests saying to the analysand, 'You may say whatever you wish (p. 54). These two statements overlap with my own thinking, although they place far less emphasis than I do on the centrality of the role of privacy in the analytic experience.

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t h a t all a n a l y s e s w o u l d e v e n t u a l l y evolve i n t o two c o n versations, o n e spoken, o n e secret, because of t h e "rule a b o u t saying everything." Eventually, i n t h e c o u r s e of t h e s e d i s c u s s i o n s , I h a v e clarified t h a t m y o w n c o n c e p t i o n of analysis d o e s n o t r e q u i r e t h e a n a l y s a n d t o a t t e m p t t o say e v e r y t h i n g t h a t c o m e s t o m i n d . B o t h t h e a n a l y s a n d a n d I m u s t always b e as f r e e t o c o m m u n i c a t e w i t h o u r s e l v e s ( b o t h in t h e f o r m of w o r d s a n d s e n s a tions) as we a r e f r e e t o c o m m u n i c a t e w i t h o n e a n o t h e r . It has n o t b e e n m y e x p e r i e n c e in analyses I have c o n d u c t e d o r supervised t h a n a n analytic space in w h i c h privacy is v a l u e d as m u c h as c o m m u n i c a t i o n l e a d s t o a n a l y t i c i m p a s s e s in w h i c h s i l e n c e , f o r e x a m p l e , c o m e s t o serve as a n u n a n a l y z a b l e f o r m o f r e s i s t a n c e . W h e n e x t e n d e d defensive silences have o c c u r r e d , I h a v e f o u n d it t o b e i m p o r t a n t t o a c k n o w l e d g e a n d i n t e r p r e t b o t h t h e p a t i e n t ' s n e e d f o r privacy a n d h i s n e e d to m a k e a transference c o m m u n i c a t i o n t h r o u g h silence (Coltart 1991). ( T h e transference c o m m u n i c a t i o n t h a t is m a d e t h r o u g h s i l e n c e is o f t e n a f o r m o f t r a n s f e r e n c e as "total s i t u a t i o n " [ J o s e p h 1 9 8 5 ] . ) O v e r time in a n analysis, t h e i d e a o f t h e a n a l y s a n d ' s s a y i n g o n l y w h a t h e w a n t s t o say a n d h o l d i n g privacy as " s a c r e d " ( W i n n i c o t t 1963) p r o v e s t o b e m o r e c o m p l i c a t e d t h a n it first a p p e a r s s i n c e t h e a n a l y s a n d is of c o u r s e n o t always c l e a r a b o u t w h a t it is t h a t h e w o u l d like t o say o r e v e n w h o " h e " is. T h e a n a l y s a n d f i n d s t h a t t h e first p e r s o n s i n g u l a r is i n fact p l u r a l : t h e r e a r e m a n y "I's." After all, t h e p a t i e n t w a n t s t o say c e r t a i n t h i n g s w h i l e " h e " ( a n o t h e r a s p e c t o f h i s

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e x p e r i e n c e o f h i m s e l f ) finds t h a t " h e " c a n n o t b r i n g h i m s e l f t o say t h e s e t h i n g s t h a t " h e " w a n t s t o say. M o r e o v e r , t h e r e a r e t h i n g s t h a t h e feels h e w o u l d like t o say, b u t d o e s n o t k n o w w h a t t h e y a r e . ( S e e O g d e n 1992a, b f o r a d i s c u s s i o n o f t h e dialectically c o n s t i t u t e d / d e c e n t e r e d s u b j e c t o f p s y c h o a n a l y s i s ) . It is a n i m p o r t a n t d e v e l o p m e n t in a n analysis w h e n a n a n a l y s a n d b e c o m e s able to differentiate a n d u n d e r s t a n d somet h i n g of t h e relationship between different aspects of h i m s e l f , f o r e x a m p l e , b e t w e e n h i s n o t w i s h i n g t o say s o m e t h i n g ( b e c a u s e h e w a n t s t o " k e e p it t o h i m s e l f f o r t h e t i m e b e i n g ) a n d his n o t f e e l i n g a b l e t o say s o m e t h i n g w h i l e h o p i n g t h a t t h e analyst will h e l p h i m f i n d a way t o b e a b l e t o p u t it i n t o w o r d s . S u c h conflicts b e t w e e n d i f f e r e n t a s p e c t s o f self e x p e r i e n c e o f t e n remain unrecognized, a n d therefore unanalyzable, w h e n a n analysis is c o n d u c t e d u n d e r t h e aegis o f t h e a n a l y s t ' s s t a t e m e n t of, a n d t h e p a t i e n t ' s p a r t i a l l y d e f e n sive u s e of, t h e f u n d a m e n t a l r u l e . T h i s t y p e of i m p a s s e m a y t a k e t h e f o r m o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s u n c o n s c i o u s fantasy t h a t analysis r e q u i r e s t h e p a t i e n t t o s u b m i t t o a t y p e o f " p s y c h i c e v i s c e r a t i o n . " T h e u n c o n s c i o u s o b j e c t relat i o n s c o n s t i t u t i n g this fantasy r e m a i n u n a n a l y z a b l e s o l o n g as t h e analyst is unselfreflectively i m p o s i n g a n a c t u a l e x p e r i e n t i a l c o n t e x t t h a t is g o v e r n e d by t h e e x p e c t a t i o n / d e m a n d t h a t t h e a n a l y s a n d "say everything that comes to mind."

Reverie and Interpretation

132 The Role

ofthe

Analyst

Fundamental

and

the

Rule

F r e u d (1923a) believed that t h e f u n d a m e n t a l rule of free a s s o c i a t i o n h a s its c o u n t e r p a r t i n t h e a n a l y s t ' s effort t o " s u r r e n d e r h i m s e l f t o h i s o w n u n c o n s c i o u s m e n t a l activity, in a s t a t e o f e v e n l y s u s p e n d e d a t t e n t i o n " ( p . 2 3 9 ) . T h e a n a l y s t a t t e m p t s " t o a v o i d s o far as possible reflection a n d t h e construction of conscious e x p e c t a t i o n s , [ a n d a t t e m p t s ] n o t t o try t o fix a n y t h i n g t h a t h e h e a r d p a r t i c u l a r l y i n h i s m e m o r y , a n d by t h e s e m e a n s t o c a t c h t h e drift of t h e p a t i e n t ' s u n c o n s c i o u s w i t h h i s o w n u n c o n s c i o u s " (p. 2 3 9 ) . T h e a n a l y s t ' s " w o r k o f i n t e r p r e t a t i o n [is] n o t t o b e b r o u g h t u n d e r strict r u l e s a n d [leaves] a g r e a t d e a l o f p l a y t o t h e p h y s i c i a n ' s t a c t a n d skill" ( p . 2 3 9 ) . " O r , t o p u t it p u r e l y i n t e r m s o f t e c h n i q u e : ' H e [ t h e analyst] s h o u l d s i m p l y l i s t e n , a n d n o t b o t h e r a b o u t w h e t h e r h e is k e e p i n g a n y t h i n g i n m i n d ' " (1912, p . 1 1 2 ) . F r e u d ' s emphasis in describing t h e "work" of t h e a n a l y s t is n o t o n t h e a n a l y s t ' s s e e i n g o r r e v e a l i n g everything (even to himself), b u t o n creating conditions for a p a r t i c u l a r s o r t of r e c e p t i v i t y a n d "play" o f t h e m i n d . F r e u d asks t h e a n a l y s t t o a t t e m p t t o a l l o w h i s o w n unconscious to e n t e r into a r e s o n a n c e with t h e u n c o n s c i o u s of t h e p a t i e n t . T h e a n a l y s t i n "simply l i s t e n i n g , " a t t e m p t s not t o " g e t a fix" ( n o t t o r e m e m b e r o r u n d e r s t a n d t o o m u c h ) a n d i n s t e a d "simply" t o u s e h i s o w n s t a t e o f u n c o n s c i o u s receptivity t o g e t a s e n s e of, t o " c a t c h t h e drift" of, t h e p a t i e n t ' s u n c o n s c i o u s e x p e r i -

Privacy, Reverie, and Analytic Technique

133

e n c e . It seems to m e that t h e psychological state d e s c r i b e d h e r e by F r e u d as "simply l i s t e n i n g " is t h e s a m e p s y c h o l o g i c a l s t a t e t h a t B i o n ( 1 9 6 2 a ) r e f e r s t o as " r e v e r i e , " a state c h a r a c t e r i z e d by t h e a b s e n c e o f " m e m ory a n d desire" (Bion 1967). A l t h o u g h t h e a n a l y s t ' s state of u n c o n s c i o u s r e c e p tivity t o t h e u n c o n s c i o u s o f t h e a n a l y s a n d is d e s c r i b e d as t h e a n a l y s t ' s giving " e q u a l n o t i c e " ( F r e u d 1912, p . 112) t o h i m s e l f (i.e., as t h e c o u n t e r p a r t o f t h e d e m a n d m a d e o n t h e p a t i e n t in t h e f u n d a m e n t a l r u l e ) , t h e effort t o e n t e r i n t o a state o f "evenly s u s p e n d e d a t t e n t i o n " ( F r e u d 1912, p . I l l ) s e e m s h a r d l y t o r e p r e s e n t " e q u a l n o t i c e " t o t h e d e m a n d t h a t t h e a n a l y s a n d say e v e r y t h i n g t h a t c o m e s t o m i n d . If t h e " d e m a n d " m a d e o n the patient (or better, the role assigned to the patient), were genuinely c o m p l e m e n t a r y in n a t u r e to t h e r o l e F r e u d e n v i s i o n e d f o r t h e analyst in t h e p r o c e s s of c r e a t i n g a state of evenly s u s p e n d e d a t t e n t i o n , I b e l i e v e t h a t t h e a n a l y t i c p a i r c o u l d m o r e easily e n t e r i n t o a t y p e o f r e l a t e d n e s s in w h i c h it is p o s s i b l e f o r b o t h t h e a n a l y s t a n d t h e a n a l y s a n d t o " c a t c h t h e drift of," g e t a s e n s e of, t h e " c u r r e n t " o f t h e u n c o n s c i o u s c o n s t r u c t i o n s b e i n g g e n e r a t e d i n t h e analysis. U n d e r t h e s e c o n d i t i o n s , analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d a r e e a c h i n a p o s i t i o n t o " t u r n h i s o w n u n c o n s c i o u s like a r e c e p t i v e o r g a n t o w a r d s t h e t r a n s m i t t i n g u n c o n s c i o u s " ( F r e u d 1912, p . 115) o f t h e o t h e r a n d t o w a r d t h e j o i n t l y , b u t a s y m m e t r i cally, c r e a t e d u n c o n s c i o u s c o n s t r u c t i o n s o f " t h e a n a lytic t h i r d . "

5 D r e a m

A s s o c i a t i o n s

As i n t h e d i s c u s s i o n o f t h e u s e o f t h e c o u c h a n d " t h e f u n d a m e n t a l rule" in t h e previous c h a p t e r , I shall t a k e as a s t a r t i n g p o i n t i n t h i n k i n g a b o u t t h e a n a l y s i s of d r e a m s t h e i d e a t h a t analytic t e c h n i q u e m u s t serve t h e a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s . I view t h e a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s as c e n trally i n v o l v i n g t h e i n t e r p l a y o f c o n s c i o u s a n d u n c o n scious states of "reverie" (Bion 1962a, b) of analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d l e a d i n g to t h e c r e a t i o n of a t h i r d subj e c t of analysis ("the intersubjective analytic t h i r d " ) ( O g d e n 1994a, d ) . Further, t h e role of analytic techn i q u e in safeguarding t h e privacy of analysand a n d a n a l y s t is h e l d t o b e as c r i t i c a l t o t h e f a c i l i t a t i o n o f t h e a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s as is t h e r o l e o f a n a l y t i c t e c h n i q u e i n creating a n d preserving conditions for conscious a n d u n c o n s c i o u s c o m m u n i c a t i o n b e t w e e n analyst a n d analysand. F r o m t h e perspective of this c o n c e p t i o n of t h e analytic process, I shall in this c h a p t e r r e c o n s i d e r 137

138

Reverie and Interpretation

aspects of analytic t e c h n i q u e r e l a t e d to t h e analysis o f dreams. For almost a century, b e g i n n i n g with F r e u d ' s ( 1 9 0 0 ) e x p e r i e n c e i n t h e analysis o f h i s o w n d r e a m s , there has been general agreement a m o n g psychoanalysts t h a t t h e a n a l y t i c u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f d r e a m s p r e s e n t e d i n t h e c o u r s e o f a n analysis m u s t b e s h a p e d b y the network of associations a n d linkages that t h e p a t i e n t g e n e r a t e s in r e s p o n s e t o h i s d r e a m s ( s e e f o r e x a m p l e , A l t m a n 1975, B o n i m e 1962, E t c h e g o y e n 1991, F r e n c h a n d F r o m m 1964, G a r m a 1 9 6 6 , G r a y 1 9 9 2 , R a n g e l l 1987, S e g a l 1 9 9 1 , a n d S h a r p e 1 9 3 7 ) . Dreams, particularly the latent c o n t e n t of dreams, h a v e b e e n v i e w e d as t h e p a t i e n t ' s u n c o n s c i o u s c o n structions a n d t h e role of t h e analyst has b e e n l i k e n e d t o t h a t o f t h e skillful o b s t e t r i c i a n d e l i v e r i n g a b a b y a s u n o b t r u s i v e l y a n d n o n - i n v a s i v e l y as h e c a n (S. L u s t m a n 1969, p e r s o n a l c o m m u n i c a t i o n ) . T h e analyst m u s t give t h e p a t i e n t r o o m t o a s s o c i a t e as freely as possible to his d r e a m . I n t h e a b s e n c e of t h e p a t i e n t ' s a s s o c i a t i o n s , t h e a n a l y s t is left i n t h e p o s i t i o n o f i n t e r preting only manifest d r e a m content, thus e n g a g i n g in a superficial ( a n d probably largely inaccurate) f o r m of i n t e r p r e t a t i o n (Altman 1975, G a r m a 1966, G r e e n s o n 1967, S h a r p e 1 9 3 7 ) . G i v e n t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s a s s o c i a t i o n s t o h i s d r e a m , it is w i d e l y h e l d t h a t t h e analyst m u s t n o t interfere with t h e p a t i e n t ' s a s s o c i a t i v e p r o c e s s by m a k i n g " p r e m a t u r e " i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s b a s e d o n his o w n associations to t h e d r e a m . If t h e p a t i e n t d o e s n o t p r o v i d e a s s o c i a t i o n s ,

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139

t h e analyst's role c o m e s to c e n t e r o n e x p l o r i n g t h e analysand's u n c o n s c i o u s anxiety/resistance to providing t h e associational linkages n e e d e d to u n d e r s t a n d a n d i n t e r p r e t h i s d r e a m ( i n c l u d i n g its t r a n s f e r e n c e m e a n i n g ) (Gray 1994). T h e analyst's offering of a n i n t e r p r e t a t i o n conc e r n i n g a d r e a m in t h e a b s e n c e o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s associations (without exploring the patient's anxiety in relation to associating to the d r e a m ) would b e conside r e d by m a n y , if n o t m o s t analysts t o b e a f o r m o f "wild analysis." After all, t h e analyst u n d e r s u c h c i r c u m s t a n c e s is s i m p l y o f f e r i n g his o w n a s s o c i a t i o n s . If t h e a n a l y s t is t o a v o i d e n g a g i n g i n "wild analysis," t h e p a t i e n t ' s u n c o n s c i o u s , a n d n o t t h a t o f t h e analyst, m u s t b e t h e focus o f t h e analytic enterprise. W h a t I h a v e t h u s far p r e s e n t e d (in a h i g h l y s c h e m a t i c f o r m ) as t h e " g e n e r a l l y h e l d " view o f t h e p r i n c i p l e s o f t e c h n i q u e o f d r e a m analysis, r e p r e s e n t s , f o r m e , a f u n d a m e n t a l a n d indispensable c o m p o n e n t of t h e u n d e r s t a n d i n g of t h e analysis of d r e a m s . H o w e v e r , i n r e c e n t years, it h a s s e e m e d i n c r e a s i n g l y i m p o r t a n t t o s u p p l e m e n t this view w i t h a p e r s p e c t i v e t h a t p l a c e s t h e analysis o f d r e a m s i n t h e c o n t e x t o f a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f t h e d r e a m as a n i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e a n a l y t i c e v e n t . I n w h a t follows, I shall a t t e m p t t o e x p l o r e t h e i m p l i c a t i o n s of t h e i d e a t h a t a d r e a m d r e a m t in t h e course of a n analysis r e p r e s e n t s a m a n i f e s t a t i o n o f t h e i n t e r s u b j e c tive a n a l y t i c t h i r d . W i t h this p e r s p e c t i v e i n m i n d , I s h a l l p r o p o s e a r e v i s e d view of a s p e c t s o f t h e t e c i q u e o f d r e a m analysis.

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F r o m the vantage point o f t h e concept o f t h e intersubjective analytic t h i r d , t h e q u e s t i o n of d r e a m analysis i n g e n e r a l , a n d t h e h a n d l i n g of d r e a m a s s o c i a t i o n s i n particular, becomes an even m o r e interesting a n d comp l e x e n d e a v o r t h a n h a d previously b e e n generally a p p r e c i a t e d . 1 O n e m i g h t well ask w h e t h e r it is a n y l o n g e r self-evident t h a t t h e p a t i e n t ' s a s s o c i a t i o n s t o h i s d r e a m s h o u l d b e p r i v i l e g e d i n t h e way t h a t t h e y h a v e b e e n in t h e past in relation to t h e analyst's conscious r e s p o n s e s t o t h e d r e a m . D o we m e a n t h e s a m e t h i n g t h a t we d i d e v e n a d e c a d e o r two a g o w h e n w e s p e a k o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s d r e a m a s "his" d r e a m ? P e r h a p s , it is m o r e a c c u r a t e t o t h i n k o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s d r e a m as b e i n g g e n e r a t e d i n t h e c o n t e x t of a n analysis (with its o w n h i s t o r y ) c o n s i s t i n g o f t h e i n t e r p l a y o f t h e analyst, t h e a n a l y s a n d , a n d t h e analytic t h i r d , a n d t h e r e f o r e t h e d r e a m is n o l o n g e r to be c o n s i d e r e d simply "the patient's d r e a m . " I n o t h e r w o r d s , d o e s it a n y l o n g e r m a k e s e n s e t o s p e a k o f t h e p a t i e n t as t h e d r e a m e r of h i s d r e a m o r a r e t h e r e always several a n a l y t i c s u b j e c t s ( d r e a m e r s ) i n d i a l e c t i c a l t e n s i o n , e a c h c o n t r i b u t i n g t o every a n a l y t i c c o n s t r u c tion, e v e n t o a p s y c h i c e v e n t as s e e m i n g l y p e r s o n a l (i.e., seemingly a p r o d u c t i o n of t h e workings of t h e individ-

1. Isakower (1938) and Lewin (1950) were pioneers in the exploration of the analyst's use of his own consciousness as an "analytic instrument" (Isakower 1963), particularly in relation to the use of this function for purposes of understanding uie unconscious meanings of the patient's dreams and other sleep-related phenomena.

Dream Associations

141

u a l u n c o n s c i o u s m i n d ) as a d r e a m o r a set of d r e a m associations2? F r o m t h e perspective b e i n g d e v e l o p e d in this a n d i n p r e v i o u s p u b l i c a t i o n s ( O g d e n 1 9 9 2 a , b, 1 9 9 4 a , b , c ) , it c o u l d b e s a i d t h a t w h e n a p a t i e n t e n t e r s analysis, h e i n a s e n s e " l o s e s h i s m i n d " (in t h e p r o c e s s o f c r e a t i n g a m i n d of his o w n ) . In o t h e r words, t h e psychological

space

in

which

his

thinking,

feeling,

bodily

e x p e r i e n c e a n d d r e a m i n g o c c u r s is n o l o n g e r e n t i r e l y c o i n c i d e n t w i t h h i s " o w n m i n d " as h e h a d

experi-

e n c e d it t o t h a t p o i n t i n h i s life. F r o m t h e i n i t i a l a n a lytic

meeting

onward,

psychological space

the

analysand's

personal

(including his " d r e a m

space")

a n d t h e analytic space b e c o m e increasingly converg e n t a n d difficult t o d i f f e r e n t i a t e . As a p a t i e n t e n t e r s analysis, t h e a n a l y s a n d ' s e x p e r i e n c e o f h i s m i n d ( t h e l o c u s o f h i s p s y c h o l o g i c a l life a n d t o a c e r t a i n e x t e n t " t h e p l a c e w h e r e h e lives" [ W i n n i c o t t 1 9 7 l c ]

and

d r e a m s ) increasingly b e c o m e s "located" (in a feeling sense) in t h e space b e t w e e n analyst a n d

analysand

2. Grotstein (1979) and Sandler (1976) have discussed the interplay of multiple unconscious intrapsychic aspects ofthe personality system in the process of dreaming a dream and understanding it. However, they do not address the intersubjective dimension of dreaming that is the focus of the current discussion. Blechner (1995) has discussed the analyst's use of the patient's dreams for purposes of understanding his own unconscious anxieties which understandings are then used to facilitate understanding ofthe transference.

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( O g d e n 1 9 9 2 b ) . T h i s is a "felt p l a c e " t h a t is b y n o m e a n s r e s t r i c t e d t o t h e a n a l y s t ' s c o n s u l t i n g r o o m . I t is a m i n d ( m o r e a c c u r a t e l y , a p s y c h e s o m a ) t h a t is i n a s e n s e t h e c r e a t i o n o f t w o p e o p l e , a n d y e t is t h e m i n d / b o d y of a n individual. (In words b o r r o w e d f r o m

a

p o e m b y R o b e r t D u n c a n [ 1 9 6 0 ] , it is a p l a c e " t h a t is n o t m i n e , b u t is a m a d e p l a c e / t h a t is m i n e , it is s o near to the heart.") As a n a l y s t a n d a n a l y s a n d g e n e r a t e a t h i r d s u b j e c t , t h e a n a l y s a n d ' s e x p e r i e n c e o f d r e a m i n g is n o l o n g e r a d e q u a t e l y d e s c r i b e d as b e i n g g e n e r a t e d i n a m e n t a l s p a c e t h a t is exclusively t h a t o f t h e

analysand.

A

d r e a m c r e a t e d i n t h e c o u r s e o f analysis is a d r e a m arisi n g in "the analytic d r e a m space" a n d m i g h t therefore b e t h o u g h t o f as a d r e a m o f t h e a n a l y t i c t h i r d . O n c e again, we m u s t n o t insist o n a n answer to t h e q u e s t i o n , "Is t h e d r e a m t h e a n a l y s a n d ' s d r e a m , t h e

analyst's

d r e a m or t h e d r e a m of t h e analytic third?" T h e t h r e e m u s t b e h e l d in an

unresolved

tension with

one

another. As a n e x p e r i e n c e g e n e r a t e d i n t h e tive)

(intersubjec-

analytic d r e a m space, a d r e a m d r e a m t in

the

c o u r s e o f a n analysis c o u l d b e c o n c e i v e d of as a " j o i n t c o n s t r u c t i o n " (in t h e a s y m m e t r i c a l s e n s e d e s c r i b e d i n C h a p t e r s 2 a n d 4) a r i s i n g f r o m t h e i n t e r p l a y o f t h e u n c o n s c i o u s of t h e analyst a n d t h e u n c o n s c i o u s o f t h e analysand. Since t h e analyst's associations to t h e d r e a m e x p e r i e n c e a r e drawn from e x p e r i e n c e in a n d of t h e a n a l y t i c t h i r d , t h e y a r e n o less i m p o r t a n t a s o u r c e o f

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143

analytic m e a n i n g in relation to t h e d r e a m t h a n are t h e p a t i e n t ' s associations3. In

the

following

b r i e f clinical v i g n e t t e ,

I will

a t t e m p t to convey s o m e t h i n g of a n analytic e x p e r i e n c e i n w h i c h a p a t i e n t ' s d r e a m was t r e a t e d by t h e analytic p a i r as h a v i n g b e e n g e n e r a t e d i n t h e

intersubjective

analytic d r e a m space. M r . G. was a r a t h e r s c h i z o i d m a n in h i s early 4 0 ' s w h o m I h a d b e e n s e e i n g in analysis f o r a l m o s t e i g h t years. T h e p a t i e n t was e x t r e m e l y well r e a d in a w i d e r a n g e o f subjects i n c l u d i n g psychoanalysis. M r . G. b e g a n a session i n this p e r i o d o f t h e analysis by telling m e that a d r e a m h a d awoken him during the n i g h t . H e h a d felt q u i t e s h a k e n for s o m e time after w a k i n g u p . I n t h e d r e a m , his m o t h e r was h e r c u r r e n t a g e (in h e r early 70's) a n d was p r e g n a n t . B o t h s h e a n d t h e p a t i e n t ' s o l d e r sister w e r e very m a t t e r o f fact a b o u t it, b e h a v i n g as if t h e r e w e r e n o t h i n g 3. Just as the dreams ofthe analysand are generated in the context ofthe analytic dream space, the analyst's dreams should similarly be treated as sources of analytic meaning in relation to the leading transference-countertransference anxiety at a given juncture of an analysis (Peltz 1996, Whitman et al. 1969, Winnicott 1947, Zweibel 1985). I have found that this is of particular importance when the analyst's dream is recalled during the course of an analytic hour (whether or not the patient is represented in the manifest content of the dream). It is beyond the scope of this discussion to explore and clinically illustrate the analyst's use of his own dreams in the analysis of the transference-countertransference.

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Reverie and Interpretation u n u s u a l a b o u t w h a t was h a p p e n i n g . T h e i r b e h a v i o r a n d d e m e a n o r w e r e so b i z a r r e t h a t t h e s i t u a t i o n felt u n r e a l e v e n i n t h e d r e a m . T h e p a t i e n t ' s m o t h e r a n d sister w e r e busily a n d e x c i t e d l y m a k i n g p l a n s a b o u t d a y t o d a y practicalities c o n n e c t e d w i t h the pregnancy a n d the u p c o m i n g birth. T h e p a t i e n t felt s t u n n e d i n t h e d r e a m a n d a n g r i l y t o l d h i s m o t h e r a n d sister t h a t h e c o u l d n ' t b e l i e v e w h a t a stupid t h i n g his m o t h e r h a d d o n e a n d c o u l d even less f a t h o m h o w t h e two of t h e m c o u l d b e h a p p y a b o u t this t h i n g . H e t o l d m e t h a t it was a g o n i z i n g l y frustrating in t h e d r e a m n o t to b e able to find w o r d s t h a t h a d t h e slightest effect o n h i s m o t h e r . As M r . G. was t e l l i n g m e h i s d r e a m , it was evid e n t h o w painfully i s o l a t e d h e was f e e l i n g i n d e s c r i b i n g w h a t I i m a g i n e d was h i s c u r r e n t v e r s i o n o f h i s e x p e r i e n c e o f l e a r n i n g of h i s m o t h e r ' s p r e g n a n c y w i t h h i s y o u n g e r b r o t h e r . T h e p a t i e n t was f o u r t e e n m o n t h s o l d w h e n h i s b r o t h e r was b o r n a n d c o n s e q u e n t l y was i n fact s p e e c h l e s s ( a n i n f a n t ) a t t h e t i m e of h i s m o t h e r ' s p r e g n a n c y . I imagined that the mother's excitement about, and a b s o r p t i o n in, t h e p r e g n a n c y , birth a n d infancy of t h e patient's b r o t h e r a d d e d insult to injury to t h e p a t i e n t ' s s e n s e of o u t r a g e a t t h e m o t h e r ' s " s e c r e t " a l l i a n c e w i t h t h e f a t h e r i n this c o m p l e t e l y u n e x p e c t e d event. T h e y h a d n o t even consulted h i m a b o u t this i m p o r t a n t m a t t e r ! I s p e c u l a t e d t o m y s e l f that Mr. G.'s father h a d b e e n b a n i s h e d from t h e manifest c o n t e n t of t h e d r e a m a n d h a d b e e n

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r e p l a c e d by h i s sister i n o r d e r t o d i m i n i s h t h e n a r cissistic s t i n g o f t h e a c k n o w l e d g m e n t o f g e n e r a tional d i f f e r e n c e a n d p a r e n t a l i n t e r c o u r s e . T h e p a t i e n t s e e m e d to b e w e a r i n g his h e a r t " o n h i s sleeve in t h e d r e a m in a way t h a t was h i g h l y u n c h a r a c t e r i s t i c o f this e x t r e m e l y c o n t r o l l e d m a n w h o was very l i t d e a b l e t o e x p e r i e n c e his o w n feelings. H o w e v e r , t h e p a t i e n t h a d i n t h e c o u r s e o f t h e p r e v i o u s m o n t h s of analysis b e g u n f o r t h e first t i m e t o feel w a r m t h f o r m e a n d t r u s t in m e a n d h a d b e e n a b l e t o s p e a k a b o u t t h o s e feelings, a l b e i t i n a n e x t r e m e l y t e n t a t i v e a n d o b l i q u e way. As M r . G. r e c o u n t e d t h e d r e a m , I e x p e r i e n c e d a n u m b e r o f t h o u g h t s a n d feelings i n c l u d i n g a s e n s e o f d e t a c h m e n t ( r e f l e c t e d in m y " t r a n s l a t i n g " t h e d r e a m i n m y m i n d i n t o early d e v e l o p m e n t a l a n d a b s t r a c t t h e o r e t i c a l t e r m s [e.g., " g e n e r a t i o n a l diff e r e n c e " ] ) as well as a m i l d s e n s e o f b o r e d o m . I a l s o felt d i s a p p o i n t e d in myself f o r n o t b e i n g a b l e t o b e m o r e t o u c h e d by a d r e a m t h a t was clearly very s i g n i f i c a n t t o M r . G. a n d a n o v e l e x p e r i e n c e f o r h i m (in t h e s e n s e o f r e v e a l i n g , i n a r a t h e r u n d i s g u i s e d way, i n t e n s e , child-like feelings of anger, exclusion, a n d helplessness). T h e t h o u g h t o c c u r r e d to m e that p e r h a p s I h a d b e e n d o i n g a n a l y t i c w o r k f o r t o o l o n g a n d was b e c o m i n g j a d e d . I r a t h e r o b s e s s i o n a l l y a d d e d u p in m y m i n d t h e y e a r s I h a d b e e n i n p r a c t i c e in v a r i o u s p l a c e s a n d b e c a m e a w a r e t h a t I h a d b e e n p r a c t i c i n g in m y c u r r e n t office f o r m o r e t h a n fifteen years. I l o o k e d a r o u n d m y c o n s u l t i n g r o o m a n d was s t r u c k

146

Reverie and Interpretation b y t h e h e a v i n e s s o f its c o n t e n t s — t h e p o n d e r o u s V i c t o r i a n m o l d i n g s ( t h e d e t a i l s of w h i c h I h a d p e r u s e d for years), t h e singularly u n i m a g i n a t i v e m a n d e piece, the large w o o d e n shutters with t h e slats g l u e d i n t o p l a c e by t o o m a n y c o a t s o f p a i n t . T h e i d e a o f m o v i n g offices h a d c r o s s e d m y m i n d m a n y t i m e s o v e r t h e years, b u t t h e t h o u g h t o f it a t t h a t m o m e n t left m e f e e l i n g physically e x h a u s t e d . M r . G. h a d t o l d m e o n several o c c a s i o n s t h a t h e h a d felt s o r r y for h i s b r o t h e r w h o m h e felt h a d n e v e r b e e n g i v e n a p l a c e i n t h e family. H o w e v e r , it was o n l y o n e x p e r i e n c i n g m y o w n i n d i f f e r e n c e t o " t h e b e s t " t h a t M r . G. h a d t o offer m e (in h i s p e r fect s p e c i m e n of a n e m o t i o n a l l y i n t e n s e O e d i p a l d r e a m ) t h a t I felt t h e full i m p a c t o f w h a t it was t h a t M r . G. h a d b e e n so v e h e m e n d y , s p e e c h l e s s l y , i m p o t e n t l y a n d futilely p r o t e s t i n g i n t h e d r e a m . H i s p r o t e s t was n o t s i m p l y t h e p r o t e s t o f a n o l d e r sibling rebelling against t h e idea of having to share his m o t h e r with a n e w baby o r against t h e idea t h a t h e was a b a b y p r o d u c e d by t h e s e x u a l u n i o n a n d m a t u r e e m o t i o n a l a n d s e x u a l a l l i a n c e of h i s p a r e n t s f r o m w h i c h h e was e x c l u d e d a n d h a d n o voice. W h a t n o w s e e m e d alive a n d i m m e d i a t e t o m e was M r . G . ' s p r o t e s t a g a i n s t h i s m o t h e r ' s a n d m y o w n indifference to his a t t e m p t s at c o m b a t i n g t h e way i n w h i c h s h e / I felt lifeless, w o o d e n , d e n s e , i m m o b i l e in o u r way of g o i n g t h r o u g h t h e m o t i o n s of b e i n g a m o t h e r / a n a l y s t . I said t o M r . G. t h a t h i s d e s c r i p t i o n o f h i s i n a b i l i t y t o m a k e h i m s e l f h e a r d in t h e d r e a m m a d e

Dream Associations

147

m e w o n d e r if h e h a d felt t h a t I h a d s e e m e d d e n s e t o h i m t o d a y o r i n r e c e n t m e e t i n g s . (If I h a d h a d a m o r e specific s e n s e of, o r e v e n a s p e c u l a t i o n a b o u t w h a t t h e p a t i e n t m i g h t h a v e b e e n r e s p o n d i n g to, I w o u l d h a v e i n c l u d e d it i n m y c o m m e n t . ) M r . G. said w i t h o u t a p a u s e , " N o t h i n g h a s h a p p e n e d o u t of t h e ordinary. You've s e e m e d t h e s a m e as always t o m e . " I said t h a t w h i l e h e a p p a r e n d y v a l u e d m y s t e a d i n e s s , h e s e e m e d also t o b e s u g g e s t i n g with h i s w o r d s , " s a m e as always," t h a t h e felt t h a t t h e r e was s o m e t h i n g s t a g n a n t a b o u t w h a t was g o i n g o n b e t w e e n us. M r . G. said t h a t a l t h o u g h h e h a d n o t p l a n n e d t o talk t o m e a b o u t this u n t i l h e r e t u r n e d (from his week-long s u m m e r holiday t h a t was t o b e g i n i n t e n days), h e was t h i n k i n g a b o u t t e r m i n a t i n g t h e analysis a t t h e e n d o f t h e year. I h a d t h e s t r o n g impulse to m u s t e r a n argum e n t ( d i s g u i s e d as a n i n t e r p r e t a t i o n ) d e s i g n e d t o d i s s u a d e h i m f r o m f o l l o w i n g t h r o u g h w i t h this i d e a / p l a n a b o u t w h i c h I was b e i n g g i v e n n o voice. I t o c c u r r e d t o m e t h a t it was M r . G. w h o was p r e g n a n t w i t h t h e s e c r e t of t h e u n w a n t e d analysis w h i l e I h a d b e c o m e t h e voiceless c h i l d . H o w e v e r , this i d e a s e e m e d f o r m u l a i c t o m e a n d h a d t h e effect o f o b s c u r i n g a feeling of e m b a r r a s s m e n t c o n n e c t e d w i t h m y i m p u l s e t o offer a p s e u d o - i n t e r p r e t a t i o n i n a n effort t o h o l d o n t o M r . G. T h e f a n t a s i e d plaintive pseudo-interpretation b r o u g h t to m i n d a conversation that I h a d h a d earlier in the week with a c o n t r a c t o r w h o m I h a d k n o w n for m a n y years a n d w h o m I c o n s i d e r e d a friend. In that

148

Reverie and Interpretation e n c o u n t e r w i t h t h e c o n t r a c t o r - f r i e n d , I h a d felt u n a b l e t o u n d e r s t a n d his state o f m i n d . O v e r a p e r i o d o f w e e k s h e h a d r e p e a t e d l y failed t o m a k e good o n promises that he had m a d e to m e about work to b e d o n e . I h a d t h e o d d feeling t h a t his words were disconnected from anything outside of t h e m s e l v e s a n d as a r e s u l t I b e g a n t o w o n d e r if I k n e w w h o h e was. As I r u m i n a t i v e l y w e n t o v e r o u r r e c e n t c o n v e r s a t i o n in m y m i n d , I b e c a m e i n c r e a s ingly anxious. My a w a r e n e s s o f t h e f e e l i n g s i n this r e v e r i e l e d m e t o s u s p e c t t h a t M r . G. was afraid o f l o s i n g t h e c o n n e c t i o n t h a t h e h a d b e g u n t o feel w i t h m e a n d feared that everything would b e different between u s w h e n h e r e t u r n e d . It n o w s e e m e d t o m e t h a t M r . G. was a t t e m p t i n g t o p r o t e c t h i m s e l f a g a i n s t s u c h a s u r p r i s e ( a n d t h e a w a r e n e s s o f h i s fears) by p r e p a r i n g h i m s e l f i n his m i n d to leave m e (while p r o j e c t i n g his h e l p l e s s n e s s i n t o m e ) . I said t o M r . G. t h a t I h a d t h e g r o w i n g s e n s e i n l i s t e n i n g t o h i m t o d a y t h a t h e was a n x i o u s t h a t s o m e t h i n g w o u l d h a p p e n w h i l e h e was away t h a t w o u l d r e s u l t in h i s r e t u r n i n g t o a p e r s o n h e d i d n ' t k n o w . I t o l d h i m I w o n d e r e d if h e w e r e w o r r i e d t h a t o n his r e t u r n I w o u l d feel as u n r e a l t o h i m as h i s m o t h e r h a d i n t h e d r e a m . (I was t h i n k i n g o f h i s m o t h e r ' s i n a u t h e n t i c a t t e m p t s to listen to h i m [ r e f l e c t e d i n h i s feelings o f u n r e a l n e s s i n t h e d r e a m ] , as well as m y f a n t a s i e d p s e u d o - i n t e r p r e t a tion a n d m y anxiety associated with m y d o u b t s a n d

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149

uncertainty c o n c e r n i n g t h e realness of t h e friends h i p w i t h t h e c o n t r a c t o r in m y r e v e r i e . ) M r . G . was s i l e n t f o r a b o u t a m i n u t e a n d t h e n t o l d m e t h a t w h a t I h a d s a i d felt r i g h t . H e a d d e d t h a t h e felt b o t h a s h a m e d t o b e so c h i l d i s h a n d g l a d t h a t I k n e w h i m as well as I s e e m e d to. T h e r e was b o t h w a r m t h a n d d i s t a n c e in h i s v o i c e . I was s t r u c k b y t h e way i n w h i c h M r . G., in t h e very a c t o f t e l l i n g m e t h a t h e a p p r e c i a t e d t h e fact t h a t I u n d e r s t o o d h i m , was also c o n v e y i n g ( w i t h h i s w o r d s " s e e m e d to") his c o n t i n u e d anxiety t h a t I would t u r n o u t to be a different person from the o n e I a p p e a r to be. In the course o f t h e succeedi n g m e e t i n g s p r i o r t o t h e p a t i e n t ' s v a c a t i o n , it was p o s s i b l e f o r M r . G. a n d m e t o f u r t h e r d i s c u s s h i s fear that t h e closeness that h e h a d b e g u n to exper i e n c e with m e w o u l d d i s a p p e a r w i t h o u t a trace w h i l e h e was away a n d t h a t h e w o u l d r e t u r n t o a n analyst w h o m h e did n o t k n o w a n d w h o d i d n o t know him. I n this b r i e f clinical a c c o u n t , I h a v e a t t e m p t e d t o provide a sense of t h e intersubjective m o v e m e n t that t o o k p l a c e i n a p i e c e o f analytic w o r k i n v o l v i n g a d r e a m a n d a s s o c i a t i o n s t o it. My r e v e r i e b e g a n w i t h t h e detached, abstract somewhat mechanical "translation" o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s d r e a m in m y o w n m i n d , a c c o m p a n i e d by f e e l i n g s o f b o r e d o m . I was d i s a p p o i n t e d in myself f o r f e e l i n g so d e t a c h e d f r o m a d r e a m t h a t s e e m e d pass i o n a t e a n d n o v e l f o r M r . G. I d o n o t t h i n k t h a t it is p o s -

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s i b l e t o say i n a n y m e a n i n g f u l way w h e r e M r . d r e a m s t o p p e d a n d w h e r e my reveries b e g a n .

G.'s

My initial a s s o c i a t i o n s w e r e a s s o c i a t i o n s b o t h t o h i s d r e a m a n d t o m y reveries ( w h i c h i n c l u d e d t h o u g h t s a b o u t t h e p o n d e r o u s n e s s of m y office a n d m y o w n physical "stuckness" a n d psychic i m m o b i l i t y . ) My associat i o n s / r e v e r i e s f o r m e d a n i m p o r t a n t p a r t of t h e basis f o r an interpretation concerning the patient's experience of m e as d e n s e l y i m p e r v i o u s t o h i m . T h e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n was m a d e b e f o r e M r . G. o f f e r e d f o r m a l a s s o c i a t i o n s o f his o w n , b u t it d i d n o t feel t o m e as if I w e r e p r e e m p t i n g h i m o r l e a d i n g h i m in a d i r e c t i o n t h a t r e f l e c t e d m y psyc h o l o g y as d i s t i n c t f r o m his. A t t h e t i m e t h a t I m a d e t h e initial i n t e r p r e t a t i o n , I h a d o n l y a v a g u e s e n s e of t h e l e a d i n g transference-countertransference anxiety. However, t h e very i n c o m p l e t e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n a l l o w e d t h e p a t i e n t t o i n d i r e c d y ( u n c o n s c i o u s l y ) tell m e m o r e a b o u t h i s s e n s e o f m y staleness: ' Y o u ' v e s e e m e d t h e s a m e as always t o m e . " My n o t b e i n g c o m p l e t e l y d e a f t o t h e a n g e r i n h i s c o m m e n t a b o u t m y b e i n g " t h e s a m e as always" a l l o w e d M r . G. t o tell m e of his t h o u g h t s a b o u t t e r m i n a t i n g t h e analysis a t t h e e n d o f t h e y e a r . O n t h e basis o f a w a r e n e s s of m y e m b a r r a s s m e n t a b o u t a fant a s y / i m p u l s e to offer t h e p a t i e n t a p s e u d o - i n t e r p r e t a tion ( r e f l e c t i n g a wish t o c l i n g t o t h e p a t i e n t ) a n d m y r e v e r i e involving a n x i e t y a b o u t t h e a u t h e n t i c i t y o f t h e f r i e n d s h i p w i t h t h e c o n t r a c t o r , I was a b l e t o p r o v i d e a fuller i n t e r p r e t a t i o n . I n this i n t e r p r e t a t i o n I a d d r e s s e d w h a t I h a d c o m e t o u n d e r s t a n d as t h e l e a d i n g u n c o n scious t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e a n x i e t y : t h e p a t i e n t ' s fear of h i s r e t u r n i n g t o f i n d t h a t t h e p e r s o n

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t h a t h e felt h e k n e w t o b e m e h a d d i s a p p e a r e d a n d t h a t s o m e o n e else h a d t a k e n m y p l a c e w h o a p p e a r e d t o b e m e , b u t d i d n o t feel like m e . T h e clinical vignette j u s t p r e s e n t e d r e p r e s e n t s an e f f o r t t o i l l u s t r a t e s o m e t h i n g n o t o n l y a b o u t a way o f w o r k i n g w i t h d r e a m s i n analysis, b u t , as i m p o r t a n t l y , r e p r e s e n t s a n a t t e m p t to convey a sense of t h e type of m o v e m e n t t h a t constitutes t h e e x p e r i e n c e of aliveness in t h e analytic setting. T h e generative m o v e m e n t b e t w e e n d r e a m a n d reverie, between reverie a n d interpretation, between interpretation a n d experie n c e i n ( a n d of) t h e a n a l y t i c t h i r d , a r e f o r m e t h e h e a r t o f t h a t w h i c h is u n i q u e t o t h e f e e l i n g o f aliveness of a n analytic experience. Some

Thoughts

on Facets Dream

ofthe

Technique

of

Analysis

O n t h e basis of t h e perspective t h a t I have b e e n d e s c r i b i n g , I h a v e b e c o m e m o r e i n c l i n e d t o offer a n i n t e r p r e t a t i o n o r ask a q u e s t i o n in r e s p o n s e to a d r e a m p r e s e n t e d by t h e a n a l y s a n d w i t h o u t "waiting"4 4. It is important to bear in mind the atemporal nature of dreams and dream associations (Freud 1897,1915,1920,1923b). If the analyst is focused on the associational events following the patient's telling of the dream, he may lose sight of the way in which the patient may have already associated to the dream, for example, in the form ofthe patient's facial expression on seeing the analyst in the waiting room or in the form of physical sensations or bodily movements occurring during the telling ofthe dream (Boyer 1988).

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f o r t h e p a t i e n t ' s a s s o c i a t i o n s . I f i n d t h a t it is o f t e n difficult afterwards to r e c o n s t r u c t in m y o w n m i n d ' w h e t h e r it was t h e p a t i e n t o r I w h o first r e s p o n d e d t o t h e d r e a m . However, I also find t h a t I usually r e s p o n d i n a n u n h u r r i e d way t o a d r e a m p r e s e n t e d b y t h e p a t i e n t , t h u s g i v i n g t h e p a t i e n t t i m e t o offer c o m m e n t s o f h i s o w n if h e is s o i n c l i n e d . T o c o n s i s t e n t l y fail t o give t h e p a t i e n t t i m e t o r e s p o n d t o h i s d r e a m w i t h o u t i n t e r f e r e n c e f r o m t h e a n a l y s t m a y give r i s e t o a f o r m of t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e enactm e n t i n w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t "serves u p d r e a m s " t o t h e analyst w h o ingests a n d digests t h e m a n d r e t u r n s to t h e p a t i e n t a narcissistic i n v e n t i o n of t h e analyst i n t h e f o r m of a n i n t e r p r e t a t i o n . I have f o u n d in my own work a n d in t h e work of t h e r a p i s t s a n d analysts w h o s e w o r k I h a v e s u p e r v i s e d t h a t t h e potential for s p o n t a n e i t y a n d generative t h o u g h t in t h e a n a l y t i c d i a l o g u e is s i g n i f i c a n d y e n h a n c e d w h e n analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d a r e r e l e a s e d from (or m o r e accurately, release themselves from a n d release o n e a n o t h e r from) t h e practice of privileging t h e p a t i e n t ' s associations to his d r e a m s , a n d i n s t e a d t r e a t t h e d r e a m as a p s y c h o l o g i c a l e v e n t t h a t is b e i n g g e n e r a t e d in t h e intersubjective analytic d r e a m space. W h e n a d r e a m is viewed as a p r o d u c t o f t h e a n a l y t i c d r e a m s p a c e , analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d h a v e t h e f r e e d o m t o b e r e c e p t i v e t o t h e u n c o n s c i o u s drift o f t h e a n a l y t i c t h i r d as r e f l e c t e d i n t h e i r reveries, t h e i r e x p e r i e n c e s o f "simply listening." Before c o n c l u d i n g this p o r t i o n of t h e discussion of t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p of d r e a m s to t h e analytic third, I

Dream Associations

153

w o u l d like t o briefly c o m m e n t o n t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f not understanding dreams. D r e a m i n g (or "dreamlife") is a s p e c i f i c f o r m o f h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e t h a t c a n n o t b e translated i n t o a linear, verbally symbolized n a r r a t i v e w i t h o u t l o s i n g t o u c h w i t h the effect c r e a t e d b y t h e d r e a m e x p e r i e n c e itself, t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f d r e a m i n g as o p p o s e d t o t h e m e a n i n g o f t h e d r e a m ( s e e K h a n 1 9 7 6 , P o n t a l i s 1 9 7 7 ) . F o r t h i s r e a s o n , it s e e m s to m e particularly a p t t h a t t h e reveries (of analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d ) s e r v e as a p r i n c i p a l p s y c h o l o g i c a l (and psychosomatic) m e d i u m through which d r e a m e x p e r i e n c e is p r o c e s s e d in t h e a n a l y t i c s e t t i n g . I n t h e reveries of analyst a n d analysand, u n c o n s c i o u s receptivity t h a t s o m e t i m e s i n v o l v e s "feats o f a s s o c i a t i o n " ( R o b e r t F r o s t , q u o t e d by P r i t c h a r d 1991, p . 9 ) m i g h t t a k e p l a c e i n r e l a t i o n t o a d r e a m as o p p o s e d t o t h o u g h t p r o c e s s e s t h r o u g h w h i c h a d r e a m is d e c o n structed, "translated" (Freud 1913), u n d e r s t o o d o r e v e n i n t e r p r e t e d . " D r e a m i n g itself is b e y o n d i n t e r p r e t a t i o n " ( K h a n 1976, p . 4 7 ) . I n u t i l i z i n g r e v e r i e as a p r i n c i p a l f o r m o r s h a p e i n w h i c h d r e a m e x p e r i e n c e is "carried" in t h e analytic setting, t h e analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d a l l o w p r i m a r y p r o c e s s , t h e "drift" o f t h e u n c o n s c i o u s (as o p p o s e d t o its d e c o d e d m e s s a g e ) , t o s e r v e a s a m e d i u m i n w h i c h d r e a m - l i f e is e x p e r i e n c e d in t h e analytic space a n d a n i m p o r t a n t c o m p o n e n t of t h e c o n t e x t i n w h i c h d r e a m analysis is c o n d u c t e d .

Reverie and Interpretation

154 Concluding

Comments

T o r e t u r n t o t h e b e g i n n i n g , as o n e i n e v i t a b l y d o e s i n a n a l y t i c t h i n k i n g a n d p r a c t i c e : analytic technique must serve the analytic process. I view t h e a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s as c e n t r a l l y i n v o l v i n g a d i a l e c t i c a l i n t e r p l a y o f states o f reverie of analyst a n d analysand resulting in t h e c r e a t i o n o f a t h i r d a n a l y t i c s u b j e c t . I t is t h r o u g h t h e ( a s y m m e t r i cal) e x p e r i e n c i n g o f t h e analytic t h i r d b y a n a l y s t a n d a n a l y s a n d t h a t " t h e drift" o f t h e u n c o n s c i o u s i n t e r n a l o b j e c t w o r l d o f t h e a n a l y s a n d is u n d e r s t o o d a n d ( e v e n tually) verbally s y m b o l i z e d . T h e s t a t e o f r e v e r i e o f t h e a n a l y t i c p a i r t h a t is s o critical a m e d i u m f o r t h e -creation a n d e x p e r i e n c i n g of t h e analytic t h i r d r e q u i r e s c o n d i t i o n s of privacy w h i c h m u s t b e s a f e g u a r d e d by analytic t e c h n i q u e . T h e role of analytic t e c h n i q u e in s a f e g u a r d i n g t h e privacy o f a n a l y s a n d a n d a n a l y s t is h e l d t o b e as critical t o t h e f a c i l i t a t i o n o f t h e a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s as is t h e r o l e o f a n a l y t i c t e c h n i q u e i n c r e a t i n g a n d preserving c o n d i t i o n s for conscious a n d u n c o n scious c o m m u n i c a t i o n b e t w e e n analyst a n d analysand. F r o m t h e p o i n t o f view o f t h i s u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f . t h e a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s , I h a v e a t t e m p t e d i n t h i s a n d t h e previous c h a p t e r to reconceive aspects of analytic t e c h n i q u e a n d p r a c t i c e r e l a t i n g t o t h e u s e o f t h e c o u c h , t h e "fund a m e n t a l r u l e , " a n d t h e analysis o f d r e a m s .

6 R e v e r i e

a n d

I n t e r p r e t a t i o n

Experience is never limited, and it is never complete; it is an immense sensibility, a kind of huge spider-web of the finest silken threads suspended in the chamber of consciousness, and catching every air-borne particle in its tissue. It is the very atmosphere of the mind; and when the mind is imaginative . . . it takes to itself the faintest hints of life.. . H e n r y James, 1884

I b e l i e v e t h a t we d o well in p s y c h o a n a l y s i s t o allow w o r d s a n d i d e a s a c e r t a i n s l i p p a g e . T h i s is p a r t i c u l a r l y t r u e o f t h e t e r m reverie ( B i o n 1962a, b ) . W h a t I shall a t t e m p t i n this c h a p t e r is n o t a d e f i n i t i o n of r e v e r i e , b u t a discussion of my own e x p e r i e n c e of a t t e m p t i n g to m a k e use of m y own states of reverie to further t h e ana157

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lytic p r o c e s s . I n this way I h o p e t o c o n v e y a s e n s e o f w h a t I m e a n by t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f r e v e r i e i n a n a n a l y t i c s e t t i n g a n d h o w I m a k e analytic u s e o f t h e " o v e r l a p p i n g states of reverie" of analyst a n d analysand. I t is a l m o s t i m p o s s i b l e n o t t o b e dismissive o f reve r i e s i n c e it is a n e x p e r i e n c e t h a t t a k e s t h e m o s t m u n d a n e a n d yet m o s t p e r s o n a l of shapes. T h e s e s h a p e s , especially early o n in t h e process of m o v i n g t o w a r d verbal symbolization of reverie e x p e r i e n c e ( a n d we a r e m o s t of t h e time early o n in t h e process), a r e t h e stuff o f o r d i n a r y l i f e — t h e day-to-day c o n c e r n s t h a t a c c r u e i n t h e p r o c e s s o f b e i n g alive as a h u m a n b e i n g . R e v e r i e s " a r e t h i n g s m a d e o u t o f lives a n d t h e w o r l d t h a t t h e lives i n h a b i t . . . [ t h e y a r e a b o u t ] p e o p l e : p e o p l e w o r k i n g , t h i n k i n g a b o u t t h i n g s , f a l l i n g i n love, taki n g n a p s . . . [ a b o u t ] t h e h a b i t o f t h e w o r l d , its s t r a n g e o r d i n a r i n e s s , its o r d i n a r y s t r a n g e n e s s . . . ( f a r r e l l 1 9 5 3 , p . 68, s p e a k i n g a b o u t F r o s t ' s p o e t r y ) . T h e y a r e o u r r u m i n a t i o n s , d a y d r e a m s , fantasies, bodily sensations, fleeting perceptions, images e m e r g i n g from states of half-sleep (Frayn 1987), t u n e s (Boyer 1992) a n d p h r a s e s ( F l a n n e r y 1979) t h a t r u n t h r o u g h o u r m i n d s , a n d so o n . A/ I view r e v e r i e as s i m u l t a n e o u s l y a p e r s o n a l / p r i v a t e e v e n t a n d a n i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e o n e . As is t h e c a s e w i t h o t h e r highly personal emotional experiences of the analyst, h e d o e s n o t o f t e n s p e a k w i t h t h e a n a l y s a n d d i r e c d y a b o u t his experiences, b u t a t t e m p t s to s p e a k to t h e a n a l y s a n d from w h a t h e is t h i n k i n g a n d f e e l i n g . T h a t is, h e a t t e m p t s t o i n f o r m w h a t h e says by h i s a w a r e -

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ness of a n d g r o u n d e d n e s s in his e m o t i o n a l e x p e r i e n c e with t h e patient. I t is n o s m a l l t h i n g t h a t w e ask o f o u r s e l v e s as a n a lysts i n a t t e m p t i n g t o m a k e u s e o f o u r r e v e r i e e x p e r i e n c e i n t h e a n a l y t i c s e t t i n g . R e v e r i e is a n e x q u i s i t e l y private d i m e n s i o n of e x p e r i e n c e involving t h e m o s t e m b a r r a s s i n g l y q u o t i d i a n ( a n d y e t all i m p o r t a n t ) a s p e c t s o f o u r lives. T h e t h o u g h t s a n d feelings constituting reverie a r e rarely discussed with o u r colleagues. T o a t t e m p t t o h o l d s u c h t h o u g h t s , feelings, a n d s e n s a tions i n c o n s c i o u s n e s s is t o f o r e g o a t y p e o f privacy t h a t w e o r d i n a r i l y u n c o n s c i o u s l y rely o n as a b a r r i e r s e p a r a t i n g inside from outside, public from private. In o u r efforts t o m a k e a n a l y t i c u s e o f o u r r e v e r i e s , "I" as u n s e l f c o n s c i o u s s u b j e c t is t r a n s f o r m e d i n t o " m e " as object of analytic scrutiny. P a r a d o x i c a l l y , as p e r s o n a l a n d p r i v a t e as t h e a n a lyst's r e v e r i e s feel t o h i m , it is m i s l e a d i n g t o view t h e a n a l y s t ' s r e v e r i e s as "his" p e r s o n a l c r e a t i o n s s i n c e reve r i e is a t t h e s a m e t i m e a j o i n t l y ( b u t a s y m m e t r i c a l l y ) created unconscious intersubjective construction that I have t e r m e d "the intersubjective analytic third" ( O g d e n 1 9 9 4 a, b, c, d ) . I n c o n c e p t u a l i z i n g r e v e r i e a s b o t h a n individual psychic event a n d a n u n c o n s c i o u s intersubjective c o n s t r u c t i o n , I a m relying o n ajdialectical c o n c e p t i o n . o f . t h e . a n a l y t i c . i n t e r a c t i o n ^ T h e a n a a n d analysand together contribute to a n d r lyst ^ p a r t i c i p a t e in a n u n c o n s c i o u s intersubjectivity.^Parap h r a s i n g a n d e x t e n d i n g W i n n i c o t t ( 1 9 6 0 ) , t h e r e is n o s u c h t h i n g as a n a n a l y s a n d a p a r t f r o m _ t h e - a n a l y s t ; a t

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t h e s a m e time t h e analyst a n d analysand a r e s e p a r a t e individuals, each with his own m i n d , body, history, a n d s o o n . T h e p a r a d o x is " t o b e a c c e p t e d a n d t o l e r a t e d a n d r e s p e c t e d . . . f o r it u s n o t t o b e r e s o l v e d " (Winnicott 1 9 7 l d , p.xii). T h e analyst's r e v e r i e s a r e in a way m o r e difficult t o m a k e u s e o f analytically t h a n t h e d r e a m s of e i t h e r a n a lyst o r a n a l y s a n d b e c a u s e r e v e r i e s a r e " u n f r a m e d " by s l e e p a n d wakefulness. W e c a n usually d i f f e r e n t i a t e a d r e a m from o t h e r psychic events because t h e experie n c e o c c u r s b e t w e e n j h e time w e fall a s l e e p a n d t h e time we w a k e upfjReverie, o n t h e o t h e r h a n d , seamlessly m e l t s i n t o o t h e r p s y c h i c states. It d o e s n o t h a v e a clearly delineated p o i n t of d e p a r t u r e or p o i n t of t e r m i n a t i o n s e p a r a t i n g it, for e x a m p l e , f r o m m o r e f o c u s e d s e c o n d ary p r o c e s s t h o u g h t t h a t m a y p r e c e d e o r follow it. T h e e x p e r i e n c e o f r e v e r i e is rarely, if ever, " t r a n s l a t a b l e " in a o n e - t o - o n e f a s h i o n i n t o a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f w h a t is g o i n g o n i n t h e a n a l y t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p . T h e a t t e m p t to m a k e i m m e d i a t e interpretive use of t h e affective o r i d e a t i o n a l c o n t e n t o f t h e a n a l y s t ' s r e v e r i e s usually leads to superficial i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s i n w h i c h m a n i f e s t c o n t e n t is t r e a t e d as i n t e r c h a n g e a b l e w i t h latent content. T h e a n a l y s t ' s u s e of h i s r e v e r i e s r e q u i r e s t o l e r a n c e o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g adrift. T h e fact t h a t t h e " c u r r e n t " o f r e v e r i e is c a r r y i n g t h e analyst a n y w h e r e t h a t is o f a n y v a l u e a t all t o t h e a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s is u s u ally a r e t r o s p e c t i v e discovery a n d is a l m o s t always u n a n ticipated. T h e s t a t e o f b e i n g adrift c a n n o t b e r u s h e d t o

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c l o s u r e . T h e a n a l y s t m u s t b e a b l e t o e n d a session w i t h J a s e n s e t h a t t h e analysis is a t _ a - p a u s e ^ a t - b e s t , a _ c o m m a i n a s e n t e n c e r / A n a l y t i c m o v e m e n t is b e t t e r d e s c r i b e d as a " s l o u c h i n g t o w a r d s " (Coltar_t_J9_86, b o r r o w i n g from Yeats) r a t h e r t h a n a n "arriyipg^at." T h i s s o r t o f m o v e m e n t is p a r t i c u l a r l y i m p o r t a n t t o b e a b l e t o b e a r i n o n e ' s h a n d l i n g of reverie. N o single reverie or g r o u p of r e v e r i e s s h o u l d b e o v e r v a l u e d by v i e w i n g t h e e x p e r i e n c e as a "royal r o a d " t o t h e l e a d i n g u n c o n s c i o u s t r a n s - ,-Xu. ference-countertransference_anxieJyJ;Reveries~lnusTbe a l l o w e d t o a c c r u e m e a n i n g w i t h o u t analyst or analysand feeling p r e s s u r e d to m a k e i m m e d i a t e use of t h e m . H o w e v e r u r g e n t t h e s i t u a t i o n m a y feel, it is i m p o r t a n t t h a t t h e analytic p a i r ( a t least t o s o m e d e g r e e ) m a i n t a i n a s e n s e t h a t t h e y h a v e " t i m e t o waste,' t h a t t h e r e is n o n e e d t o a c c o u n t f o r t h e "value" o f e a c h session, e a c h w e e k o r e a c h m o n t h t h a t they m a y s p e n d t o g e t h e r . S y m b o l i z a t i o n (in p a r t v e r b a l ) u s u a l l y develo p s o v e r time if o n e is p a t i e n t a n d d o e s n o t f o r c e it (cf. G r e e n 1 9 8 7 a n d L e b o v i c i 1987, f o r d i s c u s s i o n s o f t h e relationship between reverie a n d verbal symbolization). F o r c e d s y m b o l i z a t i o n is a l m o s t always easily r e c o g n i z a b l e by its i n t e l l e c t u a l i z e d , f o r m u l a i c , c o n t r i v e d quality. N e i t h e r s h o u l d a n y r e v e r i e b e d i s m i s s e d as s i m p l y t h e a n a l y s t ' s " o w n stuff," i.e., as a r e f l e c t i o n o f h i s o w n u n r e s o l v e d conflicts, h i s distress r e g a r d i n g e v e n t s i n h i s c u r r e n t life ( h o w e v e r r e a l a n d i m p o r t a n t t h o s e e v e n t s m i g h t b e ) , h i s s t a t e o f fatigue, h i s t e n d e n c y t o b e selfa b s o r b e d , a n d so o n . A n i m p o r t a n t e v e n t in t h e a n a ^ \ \^ lyst's life, s u c h as t h e c h r o n i c illness o f h i s c h i l d , is dif- /

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f e r e n d y c o n t e x t u a l i z e d by t h e a n a l y s t ' s e x p e r i e n c e w i t h e a c h p a t i e n t , a n d as a r e s u l t b e c o m e s a d i f f e r e n t " a n a l y t i c o b j e c t " ( B i o n 1 9 6 2 a , G r e e n 1975) i n e a c h analysis. F o r e x a m p l e , while sitting with o n e p a t i e n t t h e analyst m a y b e c o n s u m e d by t h e a s p e c t o f h i s e x p e r i e n c e involving his feelings of i n t e n s e helplessness r e g a r d i n g h i s inability t o r e l i e v e t h e p a i n t h a t h i s c h i l d is e x p e r i encing. While with a n o t h e r p a t i e n t (or at a different m o m e n t in t h e h o u r with t h e s a m e p a t i e n t ) , t h e analyst m a y b e almost entirely p r e o c c u p i e d with feelings of I erwy^c£friends.whose children are healthy/ While with still a n o t h e r p a t i e n t , tfie analyst m i g h t D e " filled w i t h t e r rible s a d n e s s i n i m a g i n i n g w h a t it w o u l d feel like a t t e m p t i n g t o live w i t h o u t o n e ' s c h i l d . T h e e m o t i o n a l f a l l o u t o r w a k e o f r e v e r i e is u s u a l l y q u i t e unobtrusive a n d inarticulate, carrying for t h e analyst m o r e t h e q u a l i t y o f a n elusive s e n s e o f b e i n g u n s e t tied t h a n a s e n s e o f h a v i n g a r r i v e d a t a n u n d e r s t a n d i n g . I believe that the e m o t i o n a l disequilibrium g e n e r a t e d b y r e v e r i e is o n e o f t h e m o s t i m p o r t a n t e l e m e n t s o f e x p e r i e n c e at t h e analyst's disposal with w h i c h to get a s e n s e o f w h a t is h a p p e n i n g a t j m _ u n _ c o n s c i o u s level i n m e j m a i y t L c j r e j a t i o n s h i p . R e v e r i e is a n e m o t i o n a l c o m pass t h a t I heavily rely~on ( b u t c a n n o t clearly r e a d ) t o gain m y b e a r i n g s in t h e analytic situation. Paradoxically, w h i l e r e v e r i e is f o r m e critical t o m y ability t o b e a n analyst, it is a t t h e s a m e t i m e t h e d i m e n s i o n o f t h e a n a l y t i c e x p e r i e n c e t h a t feels i n t h e m o m e n t l e a s t w o r t h y o f a n a l y t i c s c r u t i n y . T h e e m o t i o n a l t u m u l t associa t e d w i t h r e v e r i e u s u a l l y feels as if it is p r i m a r i l y , if n o t

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e n t i r e l y , a r e f l e c t i o n o f t h e way i n w h i c h o n e is not b e i n g a n analyst a t t h a t m o m e n t . It is t h e d i m e n s i o n of t h e a n a l y s t ' s e x p e r i e n c e t h a t m o s t feels like a m a n i f e s t a tion o f h i s f a i l u r e t o b e r e c e p t i v e , u n d e r s t a n d i n g , c o m passionate, observant, attentive, diligent, intelligent, a n d s o o n . I n s t e a d , t h e e m o t i o n a l d i s t u r b a n c e s associa t e d w i t h r e v e r i e r e g u l a r l y feel t o t h e a n a l y s t t o b e a p r o d u c t of his o w n interfering c u r r e n t p r e o c c u p a t i o n s , excessive narcissistic s e l f - a b s o r p t i o n , i m m a t u r i t y , i n e x p e r i e n c e , fatigue, i n a d e q u a t e training, unresolved e m o t i o n a l conflicts, a n d so o n . T h e a n a l y s t ' s difficulty i n m a k i n g u s e o f h i s r e v e r i e s i n t h e service o f analysis is easily u n d e r s t a n d a b l e s i n c e s u c h e x p e r i e n c e is u s u a l l y so close, so i m m e d i a t e , t h a t it is difficult t o see: it is " t o o p r e s e n t t o i m a g i n e " ( F r o s t 1942a, p . 3 0 5 ) . ~~~" S i n c e I view t h e u s e o f o v e r l a p p i n g s t a t e s o f r e v e r i e of analyst a n d analysand as a f u n d a m e n t a l p a r t of analytic t e c h n i q u e , a c l o s e e x a m i n a t i o n o f a n y a n a l y t i c sess i o n o r series o f sessions will s e r v e t o i l l u s t r a t e s i g n i f i c a n t a s p e c t s o f t h e analytic u s e o f r e v e r i e ( o r t h e difficulty f a c e d by t h e a n a l y t i c p a i r in a t t e m p t i n g t o d o s o ) . By t h e s a m e t o k e n , a close e x a m i n a t i o n o f a n y g i v e n e x p e r i e n c e i n t h e a n a l y t i c u s e o f r e v e r i e is s p e cific t o a p a r t i c u l a r m o m e n t in a p a r t i c u l a r analysis. A n e x p l o r a t i o n o f t h a t m o m e n t will n e c e s s a r i l y involve p r o b l e m s of t e c h n i q u e a n d potentialities for e m o t i o n a l growth t h a t are u n i q u e to t h a t m o m e n t in t h e psychological-interpersonal movement of analyst and a n a l y s a n d . C o n s e q u e n t i y , t h e clinical e x a m p l e t h a t I will p r e s e n t i n a n effort t o i l l u s t r a t e t h e a t t e m p t t o uti-

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lize r e v e r i e e x p e r i e n c e i n t h e analytic s e t t i n g is n e c e s sarily a clinical e x a m p l e o f a "special p r o b l e m " i n t h e analytic use of reverie. ( T h e r e are n o " r u n of t h e mill" p r o b l e m s i n t h e effort t o m a k e u s e o f r e v e r i e . )

The

Clinical Woman Who

Illustration: Couldn 't Consider

T h e f o l l o w i n g is a f r a g m e n t of a n analysis t h a t f o c u s e s o n a series o f t h r e e c o n s e c u t i v e s e s s i o n s t h a t o c c u r r e d a t t h e b e g i n n i n g o f t h e s i x t h y e a r o f a n analysis c o n - M-" d u c t e d five times p e r w e e k .

' i

My s t o m a c h m u s c l e s t e n s e d a n d I e x p e r i e n c e d a f a i n t s e n s e o f n a u s e a as I h e a r d t h e r a p i d footfalls o f Ms. B. r a c i n g u p t h e stairs l e a d i n g t o m y office. It s e e m e d t o j h e t h a t j i h e j v a s ^ ^ s p e r a t e j i o t t o miss a s e c o n d o f h e r ^session. I h a d felt f o r s o m e time" that t h e quantity of m i n u t e s that s h e s p e n t with m e h a d h a d t o s u b s t i t u t e f o r all 1 o f t h e ways i n w h i c h s h e felt u n a b l e t o b e p r e s e n t w h i l e w i t h m e / Seco n d s later, I i m a g i n e d t h e p a t i e n t waiting in a state o f c h a f i n g u r g e n c y t o g e t t o m e . As t h e p a t i e n t l e d t h e way f r o m t h e w a i t i n g r o o m i n t o t h e c o n s u l t i n g r o o m , I c o u l d feel i n m y b o d y t h e p a t i e n t ' s d r i n k i n g i n o f every d e t a i l o f t h e hallway. I n o t i c e d seve r a l s m a l l flecks o f p a p e r f r o m m y w r i t i n g p a d o n t h e c a r p e t . I knew that t h e p a t i e n t was t a k i n g t h e m in a n d h o a r d i n g t h e m "inside" of h e r to silendy d i s s e c t m e n t a l l y d u r i n g a n d after t h e s e s s i o n . I felt

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i n a very c o n c r e t e way t h a t t h o s e bits of p a p e r w e r e parts of m e that were b e i n g taken hostage. ( T h e ^ " f a n t a s i e s " t h a t I a m d e s c r i b i n g w e r e a t this p o i n t ' a l m o s t e n t i r e l y p h y s i c a l s e n s a t i o n s as o p p o s e d t o verbal narratives.) As Ms. B., a 41-year-old, d i v o r c e d a r c h i t e c t , laid d o w n o n t h e c o u c h , she a r c h e d h e r back indic a t i n g i n a n u n s p o k e n way t h a t t h e c o u c h m a d e h e r b a c k a c h e . ( S h e h a d i n t h e c o u r s e of t h e previo u s m o n t h s c o m p l a i n e d o n several o c c a s i o n s t h a t J ^ m y c o u c h c a u s e d d i s c o m f o r t t o h e r b a c k . ) I said t o h e r t h a t s h e s e e m e d t o b e b e g i n n i n g t h e h o u r by r e g i s t e r i n g a p r o t e s t a b o u t t h e fact t h a t it felt t o h e r that I did n o t care e n o u g h a b o u t h e r to prov i d e a c o m f o r t a b l e p l a c e f o r h e r h e r e . ( E v e n as I was s p e a k i n g t h e s e w o r d s , I c o u l d h e a r b o t h t h e c h i l l i n e s s i n m y v o i c e a n d t h e . reflexive, c a n n e d n a t u r e o f t h e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n . T h i s was a n a c c u s a tion d i s g u i s e d as a n i n t e r p r e t a t i o n — I was u n i n t e n T i o n a l l y ~ t e I l i h g Ms7~B.- a b o u t m y o w n g r o w i n g f r u s t r a t i o n , a n g e r , a n d feelings of i n a d e q u a c y i n r ~f* r e l a t i o n t o o u r w o r k t o g e t h e r . ) Ms. B. r e s p o n d e d t o m y c o m m e n t by s a y i n g t h a t t h a t "is t h e way t h e c o u c h is." ( T h e r e was a h a r d n e s s t o t h e fact t h a t t h e p a t i e n t s a i d "is" r a t h e r t h a n "feels.") T h e p a t i e n t ' s b i t t e r r e s i g n a t i o n t o t h e fact t h a t t h i n g s a r e t h e way t h e y a r e b r o u g h t t o m i n d t h e p a t i e n t ' s c o n v i c t i o n ( w h i c h s h e t r e a t e d as a fact) t h a t s h e h a d b e e n a n u n w a n t e d baby, "a mis-

166

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^ t a k e , " b o r n a l m o s t a d e c a d e after h e r o l d e r b r o t h e r a n d sister. Ms. B.'s m o t h e r h a d b e e n a d v a n c i n g q u i c k l y i n h e r c a r e e r i n t h e f e d e r a l gove r n m e n t w h e n she b e c a m e p r e g n a n t with t h e p a t i e n t a n d grudgingly t o o k a leave of a b s e n c e for t h e first few m o n t h s of t h e p a t i e n t ' s life. Ms. B. felt t h a t h e r m o t h e r h a d h a t e d h e r all h e r life a n d h a d treated h e r from t h e b e g i n n i n g with a m i x t u r e of n e g l e c t a n d d i s g u s t w h i l e a t t h e s a m e time fiercely insisting t h a t t h e p a t i e n t b e a "miniature version" o f t h e m o t h e r . T h e p a t i e n t ' s f a t h e r , a s h a d o w y figu r e in t h e analysis, was also p a r t o f t E e ~ u n c h a n g e a b l e " g i v e n " t o w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t felt r e s i g n e d . ' H e was d e s c r i b e d as a b e n i g n , b u t i n e f f e c t u a l m a n w h o s e e m e d to have emotionally withdrawn from t h e family by t h e time t h e p a t i e n t was b o r n . I said t o Ms. B., i n carefully m e a s u r e d t o n e s , t h a t s h e m u s t feel t h a t s h e p e r e n n i a l l y a c c o m m o dates to m e — I must seem to h e r n o t to have the slightest i n t e n t i o n of a c c o m m o d a t i n g to h e r . B o t h t h e p a t i e n t a n d I k n e w t h a t w h a t we w e r e t a l k i n g a b o u t was a m a j o r s t r u g g l e in t h e ^ t r a n s f e r e n c e countertransference: the patient's intense anger at m e f o r n o t giving h e r w h a t s h e J c n e w I c o u l d easily give h e r i f I ~ c h o s e _ t o ^ - a m a g i c a l l y t r a n s f o r m a t i v e p a r t of m e t h a t w o u l d c h a n g e h e r life. T h i s was familiar territory a n d h a d b e e n a c t e d o u t in i n n u m e r a b l e ways i n c l u d i n g , m o s t r e c e n d y , i n t h e f o r m o f s e x u a l activity i n v o l v i n g h e r p e r f o r m i n g fellatio o n a friend a n d t r i u m p h a n t l y swallowing his

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s e m e n , c o n s c i o u s l y f a n t a s i e d t o b e his s t r e n g t h a n d vitality. I s u s p e c t e d t h a t u n c o n s c i o u s l y Ms. B. fantasied t h e s e m e n to b e the magically transformative m i l k / p o w e r stolen from h e r m o t h e r a n d f r o m m e . T h e p a t i e n t ' s a t t e m p t s t o steal a m a g i cally t r a n s f o r m a t i v e p a r t of m e e n g e n d e r e d in m e a f e e l i n g t h a t it was i m p o s s i b l e t o give h e r a n y t h i n g •~ i n t h e way o f c o m p a s s i o n o r c o n c e r n , m u c h less affection o r love, w i t h o u t f e e l i n g t h a t I h a d s u b m i t t e d t o h e r a n d was passively g o i n g t h r o u g h t h e m o t i o n s o f a r o l e s c r i p t e d by h e r . Ms. B. t h e n s p o k e a b o u t e v e n t s t h a t h a d o c c u r r e d earlier in t h e day involving a long-standi n g dispute with a n e i g h b o r r e g a r d i n g a d o g whose barking the patient f o u n d "unnerving." I recogn i z e d (with o n l y a t o u c h o f a m u s e m e n t ) t h a t I was i d e n t i f y i n g w i t h t h e n e i g h b o r ' s d o g , w h o , it s e e m e d t o m e , was b e i n g a s k e d t o b e a n i m a g i n a r y d o g (a d o g i n v e n t e d by Ms. B.) w h o d i d n o t m a k e t h e n o i s e s d o g s d o . D e s p i t e t h e fact t h a t t h e r e s e e m e d to b e s o m e t h i n g a b o u t the transference displacement onto the neighbor's dog that I might have interpreted, I decided n o t to attempt such an intervention. I had learned from my experience w i t h Ms. B. t h a t a g o o d d e a l o f t h e effect b e i n g crea t e d by h e r m o n o l o g u e a b o u t t h e d o g was t h e unstated d e m a n d the I p o i n t o u t to h e r s o m e t h i n g t h a t s h e was a l r e a d y fully a w a r e o f (i.e., t h a t w h e n s h e w a s t a l k i n g a b o u t t h e d o g , s h e was also t a l k i n g a b o u t m e . ) F o r m e t o d o so, I i m a g i n e d , w o u l d b e

168

Reverie and Interpretation e x p e r i e n c e d by t h e p a t i e n t as a m o m e n t a r y victory i n h e r effort t o g e t m e t o "sting" h e r w i t h a n i n t e r pretation that reflected my a n g e r / i n t e r e s t in her. S h e w o u l d i n f a n t a s y passively a n d gleefully swall o w t h e s t o l e n ( a n g r y ) p a r t o f m e . My e x p e r i e n c e w i t h Ms. B. h a d also t a u g h t m e t h a t m y s u c c u m b i n g t o t h e p r e s s u r e t o m a k e t h e d e m a n d i n g "stingi n g " i n t e r p r e t a t i o n was d i s a p p o i n t i n g t o t h e p a t i e n t i n t h a t it r e f l e c t e d a n i n a b i l i t y o n m y p a r t t o h o l d o n t o m y o w n m i n d (as s h e h a d f o u n d almost impossible to d o while with h e r m o t h e r . ) I also c o n c e i v e d o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s effort t o e v o k e a n a n g r y r e s p o n s e from m e as a n u n c o n s c i o u s a t t e m p t t o b r i n g m e (in t h e p a t e r n a l t r a n s f e r e n c e ) o u t o f t h e s h a d o w s a n d i n t o life. T h i s t o o h a d m a n y times b e e n i n t e r p r e t e d . O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , I c o u l d e x p e c t t h a t if I w e r e n o t t o m a k e a n i n t e r p r e t a t i o n , Ms. B. w o u l d b e c o m e increasingly withdrawn a n d m o v e to a n o t h e r t o p i c t h a t w o u l d feel e v e n m o r e d e v o i d o f life t h a n t h e session c u r r e n d y felt. T h e p a t i e n t i n t h e past, u n d e r s u c h c i r c u m s t a n c e s , h a d b e c o m e s o m n o l e n t i n a way t h a t was e x p e r i e n c e d b y b o t h o f u s as a n g r i l y c o n t r o l l i n g a n d a t times s h e h a d fallen a s l e e p for p e r i o d s of u p t o fifteen m i n u t e s . W h e n I i n t e r p r e t e d t h e p a t i e n t ' s w i t h d r a w a l i n t o s l e e p as a way o f p r o t e c t i n g h e r s e l f a n d m e from h e r a n g e r (and mine), my experience had been that the p a t i e n t w o u l d t r e a t m y w o r d s as p r e c i o u s c o m m o d i ties t o b e h o a r d e d (like t h e s c r a p s o f p a p e r o n t h e

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carpet), rather than using t h e m to generate h e r o w n ideas, feelings, r e s p o n s e s , a n d s o o n . Similarly, i n t e r p r £ l a t J £ r i o f t h £ r j a t i e m V ^ u s e " of m y i n t e r v e n tions i n t h i s way had* n o t b e e n p r o d u c t i v e r - E a r l i e r d i s c u s s i o n s with Ms. B. c o n c e r n i n g this f o r m o f a n a lytic s t a l e m a t e h a d l e d Ms. B. t o q u i p t h a t O l i v e r Sacks s h o u l d write a story a b o u t h e r a n d call it " T h e W o m a n W h o Couldn't Consider." As Ms. B. was s p e a k i n g a n d as I was m u l l i n g over t h e d i l e m m a j u s t discussed, I b e g a n thinking a b o u t a s c e n e from a film t h a t I h a d s e e n t h e previ- •+o u s w e e k e n d . A c o r r u p t official h a d b e e n o r d e r e d by h i s Mafia b o s s t o kill h i m s e l f . T h e c o r r u p t official p a r k e d h i s c a r o n t h e s h o u l d e r o f a b u s y h i g h way a n d p u t a pistol t o t h e s i d e o f h i s h e a d . T h e c a r was t h e n filmed f r o m a d i s t a n c e a c r o s s t h e h i g h way. T h e d r i v e r ' s s i d e w i n d o w i n a n i n s t a n t b e c a m e a s h e e t of solid red, b u t did n o t shatter. T h e s o u n d o f t h e s u i c i d e was n o t t h e s o u n d of a g u n s h o t , b u t t h e s o u n d of u n i n t e r r u p t e d traffic. (These thoughts were quite unobtrusive a n d occupied o n l y a few s e c o n d s o f time.) Ms. B. w e n t o n w i t h o u t a p a u s e o r t r a n s i t i o n t o s p e a k a b o u t a d a t e t h a t s h e h a d h a d t h e previo u s e v e n i n g . S h e d e s c r i b e d t h e m a n by m e a n s o f a collection of disjointed observations t h a t were q u i t e d e v o i d o f f e e l i n g — h e was h a n d s o m e , wellread, displayed anxious mannerisms, a n d so on. T h e r e was a l m o s t n o i n d i c a t i o n o f w h a t it h a d felt like f o r t h e p a t i e n t t o h a v e s p e n t a n e v e n i n g w i t h

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Reverie and Interpretation h i m . I was a w a r e t h a t a l t h o u g h Ms. B. was t a l k i n g , s h e was n o t t a l k i n g t o m e . I t m a y h a v e b e e n t h a t s h e was n o t e v e n t a l k i n g t o h e r s e l f i n t h a t it d i d n o t s e e m t o m e t h a t s h e was t h e least b i t i n t e r e s t e d i n w h a t s h e was saying. I h a d m a n y times i n t e r p r e t e d this s e n s e o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s d i s c o n n e c t i o n f r o m m e a n d f r o m h e r s e l f . I d e c i d e d n o t t o offer t h a t o b s e r v a t i o n as a n i n t e r p r e t a t i o n h e r e i n p a r t b e c a u s e I felt t h a t it w o u l d h a v e b e e n e x p e r i e n c e d a n d util i z e d as a n o t h e r "sting" a n d I d i d n o t feel t h a t I h a d a d i f f e r e n t way o f t a l k i n g t o h e r . As t h e p a t i e n t c o n t i n u e d , I was f e e l i n g t h a t t h e h o u r was m o v i n g e x t r e m e l y slowly. I h a d ' t h e c l a u s t r o p h o b i c e x p e r i e n c e o f c h e c k i n g t h e time o n t h e c l o c k a n d t h e n s o m e time l a t e r l o o k i n g a t t h e c l o c k t o find t h a t t h e h a n d s s e e m e d n o t t o h a v e m o v e d . Also, I f o u n d myself p l a y i n g a g a m e (which^cUd^n^tJie^l^t^ajl^la^il) of watching t h e s e c o n d h a n d o n t h e clock across t h e r o o m m a k e its s i l e n t r o u n d s a n d finding t h e p r e c i s e p l a c e i n its m o v e m e n t t h a t t h e digital c l o c k o n m y a n s w e r i n g machine next to my chair would transform o n e d i g i t t o t h e n e x t . T h e c o n v e r g e n c e o f t h e two events (the location of t h e s e c o n d h a n d of t h e clock a n d t h e m o m e n t o f t h e m e l t i n g o f t h e digital n u m b e r o n the answering machine) held my a t t e n t i o n i n a way t h a t was o d d l y _ m e s m e r i z i n g , a l t h o u g h j i o t j ^ c i t i n g o r fascinating*-This was a n activity t h a t I h a d n o t p r e v i o u s l y e n g a g e d i n d u r i n g s e s s i o n s w i t h Ms. B. o r w i t h a n y o t h e r p a t i e n t . I h a d

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t h e t h o u g h t t h a t this m e n t a l g a m e m a y h a v e r e f l e c t e d t h e fact t h a t I was e x p e r i e n c i n g t h e i n t e r a c t i o n w i t h Ms. B. as m e c h a n i c a l , b u t this i d e a s e e m e d rote a n d wholly i n a d e q u a t e to t h e disturbi n g n a t u r e of t h e claustrophobia a n d o t h e r poorly d e f i n e d f e e l i n g s t h a t I was e x p e r i e n c i n g . I t h e n b e g a n ( w i t h o u t b e i n g fully a w a r e o f it) t o t h i n k a b o u t a p h o n e call t h a t I h a d r e c e i v e d several h o u r s earlier from a friend w h o h a d j u s t h a d a diagnostic cardiac catheterization. H e told m e that e m e r g e n c y bypass s u r g e r y w o u l d h a v e t o b e p e r f o r m e d t h e n e x t day. My t h o u g h t s a n d f e e l i n g s m o v e d f r o m a n x i e t y a n d distress a b o u t t h e f r i e n d ' s illness a n d i m m i n j m j ^ r g e j y ^ ^ t o ^ n n ^ '\^being_-toicKthe news that I ^ e q m r ^ d - e ^ n e r g e r i c y ^ hyrjas^_surgery. I n t f t e r a n t a s y o f m y b e i n g g i v e n ^ t h i s news, I initially felt i n t e n s e f e a r o f n e v e r wak- —y i n g u p a g a i n f r o m t h e s u r g e r y . T h i s f e a r g a v e way to a sense of psychic n u m b n e s s , a feeling of d e t a c h m e n t t h a t felt s o m e t h i n g like t h e o n s e t o f e m o t i o n a l d u l l i n g a f t e r r a p i d l y d r i n k i n g a glass o f w i n e . T h a t n u m b n e s s d i d n o t h o l d a n d q u i e t i y slid i n t o a d i f f e r e n t f e e l i n g t h a t d i d n o t yet h a v e w o r d s o r i m a g e s a s s o c i a t e d w i t h it. T h e e x p e r i e n c i n g o f this n e x t feeling p r e c e d e d any form of t h o u g h t o r i m a g e i n a way t h a t o n e s o m e t i m e s a w a k e s f r o m sleep with i n t e n s e anxiety, physical p a i n o r s o m e o t h e r f e e l i n g , a n d o n l y several s e c o n d s l a t e r r e m e m b e r s t h e e v e n t s i n o n e ' s life o r t h e d r e a m w i t h w h i c h t h e feelings a r e c o n n e c t e d . I n t h e

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Reverie and Interpretation i n s t a n c e I a m d e s c r i b i n g i n the session w i t h Ms. B., I r e a l i z e d t h a t t h e n e w f e e l i n g was o n e o f p r o f o u n d l o n e l i n e s l T ^ a n d loss t h a t was_ u n m i s t a k a b l y c o n n e c t e d " w i t h t h e r e c e n t d e a t h o f a close f r i e n d , J . I r e c a l l e d t h e f e e l i n g s I h a d felt w h i l e t a l k i n g w i t h J . s h o r d y after s h e h a d b e e n d i a g n o s e d w i t h a r e c u r r e n c e of h e r b r e a s t c a n c e r . D u r i n g a l o n g walk o n a w e e k e n d m o r n i n g , we were b o t h "figuring out" what the next step should b e in the t r e a t m e n t of h e r t h e n widely m e t a s t a s i z e d c a n c e r . T h e r e was d u r i n g t h a t walk (I t h i n k f o r b o t h o f us) a m o m e n tary r e s p i t e f r o m t h e full i n t e n s i t y o f t h e h o r r o r o f w h a t was o c c u r r i n g as we w e i g h e d a l t e r n a t i v e s as if t h e c a n c e r c o u l d b e c u r e d . As I w e n t o v e r p a r t s o f t h e c o n v e r s a t i o n i n m y m i n d , it s e e m e d i n r e t r o spect that the m o r e practical we b e c a m e the m o r e \ m a k e - b e l i e v e t h e c o n v e r s a t i o n felt—we w e r e c r e a t ing a world together, a world in which things w o r k e d a n d h a d c a u s e a n d effect r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h o n e a n o t h e r . It was n o t a n e m p t y s e n s e o f m a k e - b e l i e v e , b u t a l o v i n g o n e . A f t e r all, it is o n l y fair t h a t 3 p l u s 8 e q u a l s 11. E m b e d d e d i n this p a r t o f t h e r e v e r i e was n o t o n l y a wish f o r fairness, b u t a wish f o r s o m e o n e t o e n f o r c e t h e r u l e s . A t t h a t p o i n t i n t h e flow o f r e v e r i e , I b e c a m e a w a r e i n a way t h a t I h a d n o t p r e v i o u s l y e x p e r i e n c e d t h a t t h e make-believe world that J. a n d I h a d b e e n creating was a ^ v x t r l d j n ^ w h i c h t h e r e was n o s u c h t h i n g as y V e ^ s h e was d y i n g j l was t a l k i n g a b o u t her d y i n g / S h e h a d b e e n a l o n e i n it in a way a n d t o a d e g r e e

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t h a t I h a d n e v e r d a r e d feel b e f o r e t h a t m o m e n t i n t h e session. I felt a very p a i n f u l s e n s e o f s h a m e a b o u t t h e c o w a r d i c e t h a t I felt I h a d d i s p l a y e d in h a v i n g p r o t e c t e d myself i n t h e way t h a t I h a d . M o r e i m p o r t a n d y , I felt t h a t I h a d left J . e v e n m o r e i s o l a t e d t h a n s h e h a d h a d t o b e by n o t fully r e c o g nizing t h e e x t e n t of h e r isolation. I t h e n r e f o c u s e d m y a t t e n t i o n o n Ms. B. S h e was s p e a k i n g i n a r a t h e r p r e s s u r e d way (with a n e x a g g e r a t e d lilt in h e r voice) a b o u t t h e g r e a t p l e a s u r e t h a t s h e was d e r i v i n g f r o m h e r w o r k a n d f r o m t h e feeling of m u t u a l respect a n d friendly collabor a t i o n t h a t s h e e x p e r i e n c e d with h e r colleagues in h e r a r c h i t e c t u r a l f i r m . It s e e m e d t o m e t h a t o n l y t h i n l y d i s g u i s e d by t h e i d e a l i z e d p i c t u r e b e i n g p r e s e n t e d w e r e f e e l i n g s o f ^loneliness a n d h o p e l e s s ness a b o u t t h e p r o s p e c t y o f h e r ever genuinely e x p e r i e n c i n g s u c h feelings of ease a n d closeness with h e r colleagues, h e r friends, o r m e . As I l i s t e n e d t o Ms. B.'s p r e s s u r e d d e s c r i p t i o n , I was aware of feeling a c o m b i n a t i o n of anxiety a n d d e s p o n d e n c y , t h e n a t u r e o f w h i c h was q u i t e n o n s p e c i f i c . I was r e m i n d e d o f t h e g r i m satisfaction t h a t I h a d felt e a r l i e r in t r a c k i n g t h e c o n v e r g e n c e of t h e precise, repeatable location of t h e s w e e p s e c o n d h a n d o f t h e c l o c k a n d t h e i n s t a n t of m o v e m e n t o f t h e digital n u m b e r s o n t h e a n s w e r i n g m a c h i n e . I t h o u g h t t h a t p e r h a p s t h e fact t h a t t h e r e was a place a n d a m o m e n t w h e r e t h e s e c o n d h a n d a n d t h e digital c l o c k " s q u a r e d " m a y h a v e r e p -

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r e s e n t e d a n u n c o n s c i o u s effort o n m y p a r t t o create a feeling that things could b e n a m e d , known, i d e n t i f i e d , l o c a t e d , in a way t h a t I k n e w t h a t t h e y could not. Ms. B. b e g a n dream:

t h e following session with

a

I was w a t c h i n g a m a n t a k e c a r e o f a b a b y i n a n o u t d o o r place of s o m e sort that m i g h t have b e e n a park. H e seemed to be doing a good j o b o f a t t e n d i n g t o it. H e c a r r i e d t h e b a b y o v e r t o a s t e e p s e t o f c o n c r e t e stairs a n d lifted t h e b a b y a s if t h e r e w e r e a s l i d e t o p l a c e i t ' o n , b u t t h e r e was n o slide. H e l e t g o o f t h e b a b y a n d let it h u r d l e d o w n t h e stairs. I c o u l d s e e t h e b a b y ' s n e c k b r e a k as it h i t t h e t o p s t e p a n d I n o t i c e d t h a t its h e a d b e c a m e floppy. W h e n t h e baby l a n d e d at t h e b o t t o m of t h e steps, t h e m a n p i c k e d u p its m o t i o n l e s s b o d y . I was s u r p r i s e d t h a t t h e b a b y was n o t c r y i n g . It l o o k e d d i r e c d y i n t o m y eyes a n d s m i l e d i n a n e e r i e way. A l t h o u g h M s . B. o f t e n b e g a n h e r s e s s i o n s w i t h a d r e a m , t h i s d r e a m was u n u s u a l i n t h a t it was d i s t u r b i n g t o m e . T h i s l e d m e t o feel a f l i c k e r of hopefulness. T h e p a t i e n t ' s d r e a m s in t h e past h a d felt flat a n d d i d n o t s e e m t o i n v i t e i n q u i r y o r d i s c u s s i o n . Ms. B. m a d e n o m e n t i o n o f t h e d r e a m a n d i m m e d i a t e l y b e g a n t o talk i n a n e l a b o r a t e l y

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d e t a i l e d way a b o u t a p r o j e c t a t w o r k w i t h w h i c h s h e h a d b e e n involved for s o m e time. I interr u p t e d h e r after several m i n u t e s a n d said that I t h o u g h t that in telling m e the d r e a m she h a d a t t e m p t e d t o say s o m e t h i n g t o m e t h a t s h e felt was i m p o r t a n t t h a t I h e a r a n d a t t h e s a m e t i m e , s h e was a f r a i d t o h a v e m e h e a r i t . ( H e r b u r y i n g t h e d r e a m in t h e noise of t h e details of t h e project m a d e it a p p e a r t h a t s h e h a d s a i d n o t h i n g o f significance to m e . Ms. B. t h e n said, i n a n e a r n e s t , b u t s o m e w h a t c o m p l i a n t way, t h a t as s h e was t e l l i n g m e t h e d r e a m , s h e a t firstjelt i d e n t i f i e d w i t h t h e b a b y i n t h a t s h e o f t e n ; feels d r o p p e d by m£. S h e q u i c k l y a n d u n e x p e c t e d J y ~ w e l i T o n t o say t h a t this i n t e r p r e t a t i o n felt t o h e r like a " k i n d o f a lie" s i n c e it felt like a "tired old refrain, a knee-jerk reaction." T h e p a t i e n t t h e n said t h a t t h e r e w e r e several very u p s e t t i n g t h i n g s i n t h e d r e a m b e g i n n i n g w i t h t h e fact t h a t s h e h a d felt " i m m o b i l i z e d " a n d u n a b l e t o p r e v e n t f r o m h a p p e n i n g w h a t s h e saw u n f o l d i n g . (I was r e m i n d e d o f t h e s h a m e t h a t I h a d felt i n t h e p r e v i o u s session in c o n n e c t i o n w i t h t h e t h o u g h t t h a t I h a d s h i e l d e d myself f r o m J . ' s isolation a n d in a sense h a d looked o n in an immob i l i z e d m a n n e r . ) Ms. B. said t h a t e v e n m o r e dist r e s s i n g t o h e r was h e r s e n s e o f h e r s e l f as b o t h t h e baby a n d the m a n in the dream. She recognized h e r s e l f in t h e b a b y ' s a c t o f p o i n t e d l y l o o k i n g i n t o h e r eyes a n d s m i l i n g i n a d e t a c h e d , m o c k i n g way.

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Reverie and Interpretation Ms. B. said t h a t t h e b a b y ' s s m i l e felt like t h e invisib l e s m i l e o f t r i u m p h t h a t s h e o f t e n i n w a r d l y gives m e at t h e e n d of e a c h m e e t i n g ( a n d at various junctures during the meetings) indicating that she is " a b o v e " o r " i m m u n e t o " p s y c h o l o g i c a l p a i n a n d t h a t this m a k e s h e r m u c h m o r e p o w e r f u l t h a n I a m (despite what I may think). I was m o v e d by t h e p a t i e n t ' s c o n s c i o u s a n d u n c o n s c i o u s efforts t o tell m e , a l b e i t i n d i r e c t i y , t h a t s h e h a d s o m e s e n s e o f w h a t it h a d felt like f o r m e to have h a d to e n d u r e h e r defiant claims n o t to n e e d m e a n d her triumphant demonstrations of h e r c a p a c i t y t o o c c u p y a p l a c e a b o v e ( o u t s i d e of) h u m a n experience a n d psychological pain. Ms. B. t h e n t o l d m e t h a t s h e was very frighte n e d by h o w easy it is f o r h e r t o b e c o m e t h e m a n a n d t h e b a b y i n t h e d r e a m , t h a t is, h o w easily s h e e n t e r s i n t o a " r o b o t i c " m o d e i n w h i c h s h e is fully c a p a b l e o f d e s t r o y i n g t h e analysis a n d h e r life. S h e said t h a t s h e was t e r r i f i e d by h e r c a p a c i t y t o d e c e i v e h e r s e l f i n t h e way t h a t t h e m a n s e e m e d t o b e l i e v e t h a t h e was p l a c i n g t h e b a b y o n a slide. Ms. B. t o l d m e s h e c o u l d easily d e s t r o y t h e analysis i n this m i n d l e s s way. S h e felt t h a t s h e c o u l d n o t a t all rely o n h e r ability t o d i s t i n g u i s h r e a l talk t h a t is a i m e d a t c h a n g e f r o m " p s e u d o - t a l k " t h a t is d e s i g n e d t o m a k e m e t h i n k s h e is s a y i n g s o m e t h i n g w h e n s h e i s n ' t . Ms. B. said t h a t e v e n a t t h a t m o m e n t s h e c o u l d n ' t tell t h e d i f f e r e n c e b e t w e e n w h a t s h e really felt a n d w h a t s h e was i n v e n t i n g .

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I will o n l y s c h e m a t i c a l l y p r e s e n t e l e m e n t s o f t h e s u b s e q u e n t m e e t i n g in a n effort t o c o n v e y a s e n s e o f t h e s h a p e o f t h e a n a l y t i c p r o c e s s t h a t was s e t i n m o t i o n by t h e two sessions j u s t d e s c r i b e d . T h e n e x t m e e t i n g b e g a n w i t h Ms. B.'s p i c k i n g a piece of loose,thread from t h e c o u c h andj in a n exaggerated gestin^sjifjiisd^^ b e t w e e n h e r _ t h u m b a n d f o r e f i n g e r a n d d r o p p i n g it on the floorJbefore_sheJaidjiown. W h e n I asked h e r ~ w h a t it felt like t o b e g i n o u r m e e t i n g as s h e h a d , s h e l a u g h e d e m b a r r a s s e d l y as if s h e w e r e surp r i s e d by m y i n q u i r y . S i d e s t e p p i n g m y q u e s t i o n , s h e said t h a t s h e h a d b e e n in a c o m p u l s i v e c l e a n i n g frenzy f r o m early t h a t m o r n i n g . S h e h a s a w o k e n a t 4:00 A.M. in a state of g r e a t a g i t a t i o n t h a t s e e m e d t o b e r e l i e v e d o n l y by c l e a n i n g h e r h o u s e , p a r t i c u l a r l y t h e b a t h r o o m . S h e said t h a t s h e felt t h a t s h e h a d failed in life a n d in analysis a n d t h a t t h e r e was n o t h i n g t o d o b u t t o c o n t r o l " t h e ridiculous t h i n g s " t h a t s h e h a d it in h e r p o w e r to c o n t r o l . (I c o u l d feel h e r d e s p e r a t i o n , b u t h e r e x p l a n a t i o n s e e m e d textb o o k i s h . ) T h e p a t i e n t w e n t o n t o fill t h e first h a l f of t h e session w i t h r u m i n a t i v e t h i n k i n g . My efforts t o i n t e r p r e t t h e c o m p u l s i v e / r u m i n a t i v e activities as a n a n x i o u s r e s p o n s e t o h e r h a v i n g said t o o m u c h ( m a d e a "mess") i n t h e p r e v i o u s d a y ' s m e e t i n g w e r e g i v e n o n l y p e r f u n c t o r y n o t i c e b e f o r e Ms. B. resumed h e r ruminations. W h i l e t h e p a t i e n t was i n t h e t h r o e s of h e r d e f e n s i v e r u m i n a t i o n s , I f o u n d myself w a t c h i n g

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Reverie and Interpretation t h e p l a y o f s u n l i g h t o n t h e glass vases n e a r o n e o f t h e w i n d o w s i n m y office. T h e c u r v e s o f t h e vases w e r e lovely. T h e y s e e m e d very f e m i n i n e , r e s e m bling t h e curves of a w o m a n ' s b o d y T A b i t later I h a d a n i m a g e o f a large~stainless s t e e l c o n t a i n e r i n w h a t s e e m e d t o b e a factory, p e r h a p s a: f o o d p r o c e s s i n g p l a n t7 My a t t e n t i o n i n t h e f a n t a s y w a s a n x iously riveted o n t h e g e a r s a t t h e e n d o f o n e o f t h e c o n t a i n e r s . T h e m a c h i n e r y was c l a n k i n g l o u d l y . I t was n o t c l e a r w h a t was f r i g h t e n i n g m e , b u t it s e e m e d t h a t t h e g e a r s w e r e n o t w o r k i n g as t h e y s h o u l d a n d t h a t a m a j o r m a l f u n c t i o n w i t h catas t r o p h i c r e s u l t s was a b o u t t o o c c u r . I was r e m i n d e d o f t h e e x t r e m e difficulty Ms. B. a n d h e r m o t h e r h a d h a d w i t h b r e a s t - f e e d i n g . A c c o r d i n g t o Ms. B.'s m o t h e r , t h e p a t i e n t bit t h e m o t h e r ' s n i p p l e s so h a r d that they b e c a m e inflamed a n d breast-feedi n g was t e r m i n a t e d . I h a d t h e t h o u g h t t h a t I was e x p e r i e n c i n g a s e n s u o u s a n d s e x u a l aliveness w i t h Ms. B., b u t h a d b e e n m a d e a n x i o u s by it a n d h a d t u r n e d h e r femininity (her breasts in particular) into s o m e t h i n g i n h u m a n ( t h e stainless steel c o n t a i n e r a n d its n i p p l e / g e a r s ) . I t s e e m e d t h a t I was f e e l i n g t h a t c a t a s t r o p h i c b r e a k d o w n w o u l d follow closely o n t h e h e e l s of s e x u a l d e s i r e for, a n d s e n s u a l p l e a s u r e w i t h , Ms. B. T h e s e d e s i r e s a n d fears c a m e as a s u r p r i s e t o m e s i n c e t o t h i s p o i n t I h a d felt n o s e x u a l o r s e n s u a l a t t r a c t i o n t o Ms. B., a n d i n fact, h a d b e e n a w a r e o f t h e aridity a n d b o r e d o m t h a t h a d

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r e s u l t e d f r o m t h e s t a r k a b s e n c e o f this d i m e n s i o n o f e x p e r i e n c e . I t h o u g h t o f t h e way i n w h i c h Ms. B. h a d a r c h e d h e r b a c k two sessions e a r l i e r a n d f o r t h e first time e x p e r i e n c e d t h e i m a g e o f h e r a r c h i n g h e r b a c k o n t h e c o u c h as a n o b s c e n e caricature of sexual intercourse. With a b o u t twenty s e s s i o n , Ms. B. s a i d t h a t i n g t o tell m e a d r e a m ing the night, but that that moment:

minutes she had that had she had

r e m a i n i n g in t h e c o m e today wantawoken her durf o r g o t t e n it u n t i l

I ' v e j u s t h a d a b a b y a n d I ' m l o o k i n g a t it i n t h e b a s s i n e t . I d o n ' t see a n y t h i n g of m e i n its face w h i c h is d a r k , h e a r t - s h a p e d , M e d i t e r r a n e a n . I d o n ' t r e c o g n i z e it as s o m e t h i n g t h a t came out of m e . I think, "How could I have give b i r t h t o s u c h a t h i n g ? " I p i c k it u p a n d hold him, and hold him, and hold him and he b e c o m e s a little b o y w i t h wild c u r l y h a i r . Ms. B. t h e n s a i d , " I n t e l l i n g y o u t h e d r e a m , I w a s t h i n k i n g o f t h e fact t h a t w h a t c o m e s o u t o f m e h e r e doesn't feeJ-Jfcjne_^I_donlt__take_any p r i d e i n it o r feel a n y c o n n e c t i o n w i t h it." (I w a s aware t h a t t h e patientrwas~leaving m e o u t of t h e p i c t u r e , a f a c t , t h a t .was" p a r t i c u l a r l y j s t r i k i n g g i v e n that_my_hair is curly, I was also s t r u c k by t h e aliven e s s o f t h e d r e a m i n t h e h o u r a n d t h e way t h i s s e e m e d t o h e i n p a r t g e n e r a t e d by t h e p a t i e n t ' s

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Reverie and Interpretation t e l l i n g it i n t h e p r e s e n t t e n s e w h i c h was u n u s u a l for h e r . ) I said t o t h e p a t i e n t t h a t I t h o u g h t t h a t it s e e m e d t r u e t h a t s h e felt d i s g u s t e d by e v e r y t h i n g that c a m e o u t of h e r here, b u t that I t h o u g h t t h a t i n t e l l i n g m e t h e d r e a m s h e was s a y i n g s o m e t h i n g m o r e t h a n that to m e . I_said_she-seemed^C|uite f r i g h t e n e d of f e e l i n g o r l e t t i n g m e feel t h e love s h e felt f o r t h e c h i l d i n j h e j d r e a r r 4 I a s k e d if s h e h a d e x p e r i e n c e d t h e c h a n g e of feeling w h e n s h e s h i f t e d f r o m r e f e r r i n g t o t h e c h i l d as a " t h i n g " o r "it" t o u s i n g t h e w o r d " h i m " w h e n s h e s a i d t h a t s h e h a d p i c k e d it u p l a n d J i e l d h i m a n d h e l d h i m a n d h e l d h i m j Ms. B. fell s i l e n t f o r a m i n u t e o r two d u r i n g w h i c h time I h a d t h e t h o u g h t t h a t I m a y h a v e p r e m a t u r e l y u s e d t h e w o r d "love" w h i c h was a word that I c o u l d n o t at that m o m e n t r e m e m b e r e i t h e r o f us e v e r h a v i n g u s e d d u r i n g t h e e n t i r e c o u r s e o f t h e analysis. Ms. B. t h e n said t h a t s h e h a d n o t i c e d t h a t c h a n g e i n telling m e t h e d r e a m , b u t s h e c o u l d feel it as a feeling o n l y w h e n s h e l i s t e n e d t o m e s a y i n g h e r w o r d s . T h e p a t i e n t t o l d m e t h a t w h i l e I was s p e a k i n g , s h e felt grateful t o m e for m y n o t l e t t i n g t h a t p a r t o f t h i n g s b e " t h r o w n away," b u t a t t h e s a m e time s h e felt i n c r e a s i n g l y t e n s e with e a c h w o r d t h a t I s p o k e f o r fear t h a t I w o u l d say s o m e t h i n g e m b a r r a s s i n g t o h e r . S h e a d d e d t h a t it was as if I might undress h e r a n d she would b e n a k e d o n the c o u c h . After a n o t h e r s i l e n c e o f a l m o s t a m i n u t e ,

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Ms. B. said t h a t it was h a r d t o tell m e this b u t t h e t h o u g h t h a d g o n e t h r o u g h h e r m i n d as s h e was imagining being naked on the couch that I would l o o k a t h e r b r e a s t s a n d find t h e m t o b e t o o small. I t h o u g h t o f t h e a g o n y s u r r o u n d i n g J . ' s surg e r y f o r b r e a s t c a n c e r a n d b e c a m e a w a r e a t this p o i n t i n t h e h o u r t h a t I was f e e l i n g b o t h a wave o f t h e d e e p love t h a t I felt f o r J . t o g e t h e r w i t h t h e sadn e s s o f t h e e n o r m o u s v o i d t h a t h e r d e a t h h a d left i n m y life. T h i s r a n g e of f e e l i n g h a d n o t p r e v i o u s l y b e e n p a r t of m y e x p e r i e n c e w h i l e w i t h Ms. B. By this p o i n t in t h e h o u r , I f o u n d myself list e n i n g a n d r e s p o n d i n g t o Ms. B. i n q u i t e a differe n t way. It w o u l d b e a n o v e r s t a t e m e n t t o say t h a t t h e feelings of a n g e r a n d isolation h a d disapp e a r e d , b u t t h e y w e r e n o w p a r t of a l a r g e r c o n s t e l l a t i o n of e m o t i o n . N o l o n g e r was t h e i s o l a t i o n s i m p l y a n e n c o u n t e r w i t h s o m e t h i n g t h a t felt n o n h u m a n ; r a t h e r , t h e i s o l a t i o n felt m o r e like a n e x p e r i e n c e o f m i s s i n g t h e h u m a n n e s s o f Ms. B. t h a t I viscerally k n e w t o b e t h e r e , b u t was o n l y b e i n g a l l o w e d t o fleetingly g l i m p s e from afar. I told the patient that I t h o u g h t that h e r d r e a m a n d o u r d i s c u s s i o n o f it also s e e m e d t o involve f e e l i n g s o f s a d n e s s t h a t l a r g e p a r t s o f h e r life w e r e b e i n g u n n e c e s s a r i l y w a s t e d , " t h r o w n away." I s a i d t h a t s h e b e g a n t e l l i n g m e t h e d r e a m by s a y i n g f T y e just h a d a baby,^ b u t a g r e a t d e a l of w h a t f o l l o w e d was a b o u t t h e ways i n w h i c h s h e p r e r v e n t e d h e r s e l f f r o m living t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f hav-

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i n g a b a b y . ( I n t h e c o u r s e of t h e analysis, Ms. B. r a r e l y h a d h a d fantasies o r d r e a m s o f h a v i n g a b a b y a n d o n l y twice t h a t I c o u l d r e c a l l h a d disc u s s e d t h e q u e s t i o n of w h e t h e r s h e m i g h t e v e r w a n t to have children.) T h e r e were tears o n h e r face, b u t n o s o u n d of c r y i n g i n h e r v o i c e as s h e said t h a t s h e h a d n o t p r e v i o u s l y p u t t h e f e e l i n g into words, b u t a g o o d deal of h e r s h a m e a b o u t h e r b r e a s t s is t h a t t h e y feel like boys' b r e a s t s t h a t c o u l d n e v e r m a k e m i l k f o r a baby. Discussion I b e g a n t h e p r e s e n t a t i o n of t h e first o f t h r e e s e s s i o n s o c c u r r i n g i n t h e s i x t h y e a r o f Ms. B.'s analysis w i t h a description of my response to h e a r i n g t h e patient's r a p i d f o o t s t e p s o n t h e stairs l e a d i n g t o m y office. I f i n d it i n v a l u a b l e t o b e as fully a w a r e as I c a n o f w h a t it feels l i k e t o m e e t t h f i - p a t i e n t e a c h , s e s s i o n ( i n c l u d i n g _the f e e l i n g s , t h o u g h t s , fantasies, a n d b o d i l y s e n s a t i o n s " \ experiencea^inanticipation pf_that_particular meeti n g J ^ M u c h o f m y r e s p o n s e t o Ms. B. t h a t day, b o t h i n l i s t e n i n g t o h e r a p p r o a c h m y office a n d i n e n c o u n t e r i n g h e r i n t h e w a i t i n g r o o m , was in t h e f o r m o f b o d i l y r e s p o n s e s ( " p h a n t a s i e s in t h e b o d y " [ G a d d i n i 1 9 8 2 ] ) . I was f r o m t h e o u t s e t a n t i c i p a t i n g (in fantasy) b e i n g physically a n d p s y c h o l o g i c a l l y i n v a d e d b y t h e p a t i e n t : m y s t o m a c h m u s c l e s t e n s e d as I u n c o n s c i o u s l y a w a i t e d r e c e i v i n g a b l o w t o t h e a b d o m e n a n d I was e x p e r i e n c i n g n a u s e a in p r e p a r a t i o n for evacuating a n o x i o u s

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p r e s e n c e that I e x p e c t e d to e x p e r i e n c e inside of m e . T h e s e f e e l i n g s w e r e e l a b o r a t e d i n t h e f o r m o f fantasies of t h e patient's chafing t o "get t o m e " (to get i n t o my office/body) a n d fantasies of h e r cannibalizing m e t h r o u g h h e r eyes as s h e t o o k p a r t s o f m e h o s t a g e in "drinking in" t h e scraps of p a p e r from my n o t e b o o k that she noticed o n the carpet. Clearly, this r e v e r i e , o c c u r r i n g e v e n b e f o r e t h e p a t i e n t e n t e r e d t h e consulting r o o m , reflected a set of \ tj^nsferejice-countertransference \ feelings that h a d b e e n g r o w i n g i n i n t e n s i t y a n d specificity f o r s o m e t i m e a n d y e t w e r e n o t available t o e i t h e r t h e p a t i e n t o r t o m e f o r reflective t h o u g h t o r v e r b a l s y m b o l i z a t i o n . T h i s a s p e c t o f t h e analytic r e l a t i o n s h i p was l a r g e l y e x p e r i e n c e d b y b o t h o f u s as s i m p l y t h e way t h i n g s w e r e . I e x p e r i e n c e d Ms. B.'s a r c h i n g o f h e r b a c k o n l y as a c o m p l a i n t a n d was n o t a t t h a t p o i n t a b l e t o e n t e r t a i n t h e possibility t h a t t h e g e s t u r e h a d o t h e r m e a n i n g s . My initial i n t e r p r e t a t i o n addressed t h e i d e a t h a t t h e p a t i e n t was a n g r i l y p r o t e s t i n g m y u n w i l l i n g n e s s t o p r o v i d e a c o m f o r t a b l e p l a c e f o r h e r i n m y office. I c o u l d h e a r a n d feel t h e c h i l l i n e s s i n m y v o i c e t h a t t r a n s f o r m e d t h e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n i n t o a n accusation. I was at t h a t m o m e n t f e e l i n g u n a b l e t o b e a n analyst w i t h t h e p a t i e n t a n d i n s t e a d was e x p e r i e n c i n g myself as a n g r y , a t sea, a n d r a t h e r h e l p l e s s t o a l t e r t h e c o u r s e o f e v e n t s . T h e "canned" nature of my interpretation alerted m e t o m y o w n e m o t i o n a l fixity i n r e l a t i o n t o Ms. B. a n d t o m y i n a b i l i t y a t t h a t p o i n t t o t h i n k o r t o s p e a k freshly o r t o r e n d e r myself o p e n t o n e w possibilities f o r u n d e r -

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s t a n d i n g a n d e x p e r i e n c i n g w h a t was o c c u r r i n g b e t w e e n us. T h e s e r e a l i z a t i o n s w e r e d e e p l y u n s e t t l i n g t o m e . A l t h o u g h aspects of t h e patient's e x p e r i e n c e of h e r p a r e n t s w e n t t h r o u g h m y m i n d a t t h i s p o i n t , I was very l i t d e a b l e t o b r i n g t h a t c o n t e x t t o b e a r o n t h e p r e s e n t s i t u a t i o n i n a way t h a t felt r e a l . M o r e o v e r , t h e c o n s t e l l a t i o n of i d e a s a b o u t t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r transference that h a d evolved in t h e ' c o u r s e of this p e r i o d o f analysis (for e x a m p l e , t h e i d e a t h a t t h e p a t i e n t was r e l e n d e s s l y d e m a n d i n g m a g i c a l l y t r a n s f o r m a t i v e m i l k / s e m e n / p o w e r ) h a d lost m o s t o f t h e vitality t h a t it o n c e h a d h e l d . A t t h e j u n c t u r e i n analysis b e i n g described, these ideas h a d b e c o m e for b o t h t h e p a t i e n t a n d f o r m e s t a g n a n t f o r m u l a e t h a t largely s e r v e d as a defense b o t h against feelings of confusion a n d helplessn e s s a n d a g a i n s t t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f a fuller r a n g e o f feelings (including loving ones). P e r h a p s t h e d i s t u r b i n g a w a r e n e s s o f t h e way m y a n g e r was i n t e r f e r i n g with m y ability t o offer u t i l i z a b l e interpretations allowed for t h e b e g i n n i n g s of a psychological shift t o o c c u r i n m e t h a t was r e f l e c t e d i n m y ability t o s e e ( a n d feel) t h e h u m o r i n v o l v e d i n m y i d e n t i f y i n g with t h e n e i g h b o r ' s d o g w h o was (I felt) b e i n g a s k e d n o t t o b e a d o g a n d i n s t e a d was b e i n g a s k e d to b e the patient's imaginary, invented creature. This l e d m e t o b e a b l e t o r e f r a i n from o f f e r i n g still a n o t h e r i n t e r v e n t i o n of t h e chilly, c l e n c h e d t e e t h ("carefully m e a s u r e d " ) variety, a n d i n s t e a d , t o a t t e m p t t o listen. I t was after this affective shift o c c u r r e d t h a t r e v e r i e o f a m o r e verbally symbolic (less exclusively s o m a t i c )

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sort b e g a n to b e elaborated. T h e reverie that o c c u r r e d at this p o i n t i n t h e session c o n s i s t e d of a set o f i m a g e s a n d feelings ( d e r i v e d f r o m a film) in w h i c h a c o r r u p t official is o r d e r e d t o c o m m i t suicide. H e d o e s so in s u c h a way t h a t t h e s o u n d o f t h e s u i c i d e is n o t t h a t o f r a p i d b r e a t h i n g , t h e r e p o r t o f a g u n , t h e s h a t t e r i n g o f glass, o r t h e s p r a y i n g o f b l o o d , b u t t h e u n i n t e r r u p t e d s o u n d o f traffic oblivious t o this solitary h u m a n e v e n t . A l t h o u g h t h e i m a g e s o f this r e v e r i e w e r e e m o t i o n a l l y powerful, t h e y w e r e a t this p o i n t s o u n o b t r u s i v e , so b a r e l y available t o self-reflective c o n s c i o u s n e s s t h a t t h e y s e r v e d a l m o s t e n t i r e l y as a n invisible e m o t i o n a l b a c k g r o u n d . T h e e x p e r i e n c e of this reverie, a l t h o u g h hardly n o t i c e d a n d n o t c o n s c i o u s l y u t i l i z e d a t t h e t i m e it o c c u r r e d , was n o n e t h e l e s s u n s e t d i n g a n d c o n t r i b u t e d t o t h e c r e a t i o n o f a specific e m o t i o n a l c o n t e x t f o r t h e u n c o n s c i o u s f r a m i n g o f w h a t f o l l o w e d . Ms. B.'s a c c o u n t o f h e r d a t e t h e p r e v i o u s n i g h t was e x p e r i e n c e d differe n t l y t h a n it w o u l d h a v e b e e n o t h e r w i s e . T h e p r i n c i p a l effect o n m e o f h e r talk was t h e c r e a t i o n of a p a i n f u l awareness o f t h e feeling of n o t b e i n g s p o k e n to, a sense o f w o r d s filling e m p t y s p a c e , w o r d s n o t s p o k e n by anyo n e to a n y o n e (even to herself). F e e l i n g a t a loss t o k n o w h o w t o s p e a k t o t h e patient a b o u t h e r n o t talking either to m e or to herself, I c o n t i n u e d t o k e e p s i l e n t . A g a i n I f o u n d m y m i n d w a n d e r i n g , t h i s time t o a b r i e f i m m e r s i o n i n t h e m e n t a l " g a m e " of observing t h e precise place a n d t i m e o f t h e c o n v e r g e n c e of m o v e m e n t o f t h e d i g i t a l t i m e of t h e a n s w e r i n g m a c h i n e a n d t h e sweep s e c o n d

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h a n d of t h e clock across t h e r o o m . I n part, this s e r v e d t o r e l i e v e t h e c l a u s t r o p h o b i a I was e x p e r i e n c i n g i n f e e l i n g t r a p p e d alone w i t h Ms. B. I h y p o t h e s i z e d t h a t b o t h t h e reverie a b o u t the suicide a n d t h e "game" involving t h e workings of two t i m e pieces m a y h a v e reflected my sense of the mechanical, n o n - h u m a n q u a l i t i e s o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e w i t h Ms. B., b u t t h i s i d e a s e e m e d superficial a n d h a c k n e y e d . T h e reveries t h a t followed reflected a m o v e m e n t f r o m a r a t h e r rigid, r e p e t i t i v e o b s e s s i o n a l f o r m t o a far m o r e affect-laden " s t r e a m o f t h o u g h t " ( W m . J a m e s 1 8 9 0 ) . I felt d i s t r e s s e d in r e c a l l i n g a p h o n e call f r o m a friend w h o h a d b e e n told he n e e d e d emergency openh e a r t s u r g e r y . V e r y q u i c k l y I p r o t e c t e d myself f r o m t h e f e a r o f h i s d y i n g by narcissistically t r a n s f o r m i n g t h e e v e n t i n fantasy i n t o a story of m y r e c e i v i n g t h i s n e w s . My o w n f e a r o f d y i n g was e x p r e s s e d as a f e a r o f " n e v e r w a k i n g u p . " T h e i d e a of n o t w a k i n g u p was a t t h i s j u n c ture unconsciously overdetermined a n d in retrospect seems to have i n c l u d e d b o t h a reference to the oppressive "living d e a t h " o f t h e a n a l y s a n d as well as t o m y o w n a n a e s t h e t i z e d s t a t e i n t h e analysis f r o m w h i c h I u n c o n sciously f e a r e d I w o u l d n e v e r a w a k e . I n all o f t h i s t h e r e was a r a p i d l y g r o w i n g s e n s e o f b e i n g o u t of c o n t r o l b o t h in relation to my own b o d y ( i l l n e s s / s l e e p / d e a t h ) a n d in relation to p e o p l e I loved a n d d e p e n d e d u p o n . T h e s e feelings w e r e m o m e n t a r i l y allayed by a defensive withdrawal i n t o e m o t i o n a l d e t a c h m e n t , a psychic n u m b n e s s . My u n c o n s c i o u s efforts a t e m o t i o n a l d e t a c h m e n t d i d n o t

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h o l d f o r v e r y l o n g a n d g a v e way t o a f o r m o f r e v e r i e i n t h e s h a p e o f vivid i m a g e s o f a t i m e s p e n t w i t h a very c l o s e f r i e n d , J . , i n t h e m i d s t o f h e r a t t e m p t i n g t o wrest l e w i t h i m m i n e n t d e a t h . (I w o u l d o n l y f o r w a n t o f a b e t t e r w o r d refer to t h e creation of these reverie i m a g e s as " r e m e m b e r i n g " b e c a u s e t h e i d e a o f r e m e m b e r i n g t o o s t r o n g l y c o n n o t e s s o m e t h i n g fixed i n m e m o r y t h a t is " c a l l e d u p t o c o n s c i o u s n e s s again" [rem e m b e r e d ] . T h e e x p e r i e n c e i n t h e s e s s i o n was n o t a r e p e t i t i o n of anything, n o t a r e m e m b e r i n g of somet h i n g t h a t h a d a l r e a d y o c c u r r e d ; it was a n e x p e r i e n c e o c c u r r i n g f o r t h e first t i m e , a n e x p e r i e n c e b e i n g g e n e r a t e d freshly in t h e u n c o n s c i o u s intersubjective cont e x t o f t h e analysis.) I n t h e course of t h e reverie of the conversation w i t h J . (in w h i c h m a k e - b e l i e v e , b u t d e s p e r a t e l y r e a l efforts w e r e b e i n g m a d e t o "figure o u t " w h a t n e x t t o d o ) , a n i m p o r t a n t p s y c h o l o g i c a l shift o c c u r r e d . W h a t b e g a n i n t h e r e v e r i e as a wishful i n s i s t e n c e t h a t t h i n g s b e fair a n d " m a k e s e n s e " b e c a m e a p a i n f u l f e e l i n g o f s h a m e r e g a r d i n g m y s e n s e t h a t I h a d failed t o a p p r e c i a t e t h e d e p t h o f i s o l a t i o n t h a t J . was e x p e r i e n c i n g . T h e s y m b o l i c a n d affective c o n t e n t o f t h e r e v e r i e was b a r e l y c o n s c i o u s a n d d i d n o t y e t c o n s t i t u t e a c o n s c i o u s selfawareness of isolation a b o u t which I c o u l d speak to myself o r from w h i c h I c o u l d s p e a k t o t h e p a t i e n t . N o n e t h e l e s s , d e s p i t e t h e fact t h a t a c o n s c i o u s , v e r b a l l y symbolized u n d e r s t a n d i n g of t h e reverie e x p e r i e n c e d i d n o t t a k e p l a c e a t t h i s m o m e n t , a n i m p o r t a n t unconscious p s y c h o l o g i c a l m o v e m e n t d i d o c c u r w h i c h , as will

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b e s e e n , significantiy s h a p e d t h e s u b s e q u e n t e v e n t s o f the hour.1 I n " r e t u r n i n g " t h e focus of m y a t t e n t i o n t o Ms. B., I was n o t g o i n g b a c k t o a p l a c e I h a d b e e n i n t h e session, b u t was g o i n g t o a n e w psychological " p l a c e " t h a t h a d n o t previously existed, a p l a c e in p a r t e m o t i o n a l l y g e n e r a t e d by t h e r e v e r i e e x p e r i e n c e s t h a t I h a v e j u s t d e s c r i b e d . Ms. B. was s p e a k i n g in a n a n x i o u s l y p r e s s u r e d , i d e a l i z i n g way a b o u t r e l a t i o n s h i p s with c o l l e a g u e s . T h e reverie experiences discussed above (including m y e x p e r i e n c e of defensive psychic n u m b i n g ) h a d left m e a c u t e l y sensitive t o t h e e x p e r i e n c e of p s y c h o l o g i c a l p a i n d i s g u i s e d by r e l i a n c e o n m a n i c d e f e n s e , p a r t i c u l a r l y t h e p a i n o f efforts t o live with t e r r i b l e l o n e l i n e s s a n d in isolation w i t h o n e ' s feelings of powerlessness. T h e "clock-game" reverie that h a d o c c u r r e d earlier in the h o u r took o n new m e a n i n g in the emotional

1. The unconscious movement brought about by the reverie experience might be thought of as the outcome of the unconscious "understanding work" (Sandler 1976) that is an integral part of dreaming (and reverie). Dreaming and reverie always involve an unconscious internal discourse between "the dreamer who dreams the dream and the dreamer who understands the dream" (Grotstein 1979). If there were no such unconscious discourse (if there were no unconscious "understanding work" standing in relation to the unconscious "dream work"), we would have to conclude that only the dreams (or reveries) that we remember have psychological value and contribute to psychological growth. This is a view to which few analysts would subscribe.

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c o n t e x t of w h a t was n o w t a k i n g p l a c e . T h e " e a r l i e r " reve r i e was i n a n i m p o r t a n t s e n s e o c c u r r i n g f o r t h e first time i n t h a t t h e a c t o f r e c a l l i n g it in t h e n e w p s y c h o l o g ical c o n t e x t m a d e it a d i f f e r e n t "analytic object." T h e " m e n t a l g a m e " as I e x p e r i e n c e d it a t t h i s p o i n t was filled n o t w i t h b o r e d o m , d e t a c h m e n t a n d c l a u s t r o p h o b i a , b u t w i t h d e s p e r a t e n e s s t h a t felt like a p l e a . I t was a p l e a f o r s o m e o n e o r s o m e t h i n g t o rely o n , s o m e a n c h o r i n g p o i n t that c o u l d b e k n o w n a n d precisely l o c a t e d , t h a t w o u l d , if o n l y f o r a m o m e n t , stay p u t . T h e s e w e r e f e e l i n g s t h a t i n t h e h o u r felt " m u l t i - v a l e n t , " t h a t is, t h e y s e e m e d s i m u l t a n e o u s l y t o h a v e a b e a r i n g o n my feelings in relation to J. a n d in relation to t h e evolving analytic relationship. T h e affective m o v e m e n t j u s t d e s c r i b e d is n o t accur a t e l y c o n c e p t u a l i z e d as t h e " u n c o v e r i n g " of h e r e t o f o r e " h i d d e n " feelings in r e l a t i o n t o m y o w n p a s t e x p e r i e n c e w i t h J . It w o u l d b e e q u a l l y m i s l e a d i n g t o r e d u c e w h a t was o c c u r r i n g i n this r e g a r d t o a p r o c e s s o n w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t was h e l p i n g m e t o " w o r k t h r o u g h " m y previously u n r e s o l v e d u n c o n s c i o u s conflicts i n r e l a t i o n t o J . (a p r o cess t h a t S e a r l e s [ 1 9 7 5 ] r e f e r r e d t o as t h e p a t i e n t ' s servi n g as " t h e r a p i s t t o t h e analyst"). R a t h e r , I c o n c e i v e o f t h e r e v e r i e e x p e r i e n c e s g e n e r a t e d in t h e h o u r t h a t I a m d e s c r i b i n g as r e f l e c t i n g a n u n c o n s c i o u s i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e process in which aspects of my internal object world w e r e e l a b o r a t e d i n specific ways t h a t w e r e u n i q u e l y d e f i n e d by t h e p a r t i c u l a r u n c o n s c i o u s c o n s t r u c t i o n s b e i n g g e n e r a t e d by t h e analytic p a i r . T h e e m o t i o n a l c h a n g e that I experienced in relation to my (internal

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object) relationship with J. could have taken place in t h e way t h a t it d i d o n l y i n t h e c o n t e x t o f t h e specific u n c o n s c i o u s i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p w i t h Ms. B. t h a t e x i s t e d a t t h e m o m e n t i n t h e analytic r e l a t i o n s h i p b e i n g described. T h e internal object relationship with J. ( o r with a n y o t h e r i n t e r n a l o b j e c t ) is n o t a fixed entity; it is a fluid set of t h o u g h t s , feelings, a n d s e n s a t i o n s t h a t is c o n t i n u a l l y in m o v e m e n t a n d is always s u s c e p t i b l e t o b e i n g s h a p e d a n d r e - s t r u c t u r e d as it is newly e x p e r i e n c e d in t h e c o n t e x t of e a c h n e w u n c o n s c i o u s i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e r e l a t i o n s h i p . I n every i n s t a n c e it will b e a different facet of t h e c o m p l e x m o v e m e n t of feeling cons t i t u t i n g a n i n t e r n a l o b j e c t r e l a t i o n s h i p t h a t will b e m o s t alive i n t h e n e w u n c o n s c i o u s i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e c o n t e x t . I t is t h i s t h a t m a k e s e a c h u n c o n s c i o u s analytic i n t e r a c t i o n u n i q u e b o t h f o r analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d . I d o n o t c o n ceive o f t h e analytic i n t e r a c t i o n i n t e r m s o f t h e a n a l y s t ' s b r i n g i n g p r e - e x i s t i n g sensitivities t o t h e a n a l y t i c relationship t h a t a r e " c a l l e d i n t o play" (like keys o n a p i a n o b e i n g s t r u c k ) by t h e p a t i e n t ' s p r o j e c t i o n s o r p r o j e c t i v e i d e n t i f i c a t i o n s . R a t h e r , I c o n c e i v e o f t h e analytic p r o cess as involving t h e c r e a t i o n of n e w u n c o n s c i o u s i n t e r subjective e v e n t s t h a t h a v e n e v e r p r e v i o u s l y e x i s t e d i n t h e affective life o f e i t h e r analyst o r a n a l y s a n d . Ms. B.'s e x p e r i e n c e o f a n d p a r t i c i p a t i o n i n t h e unconscious intersubjective m o v e m e n t that I have b e e n d e s c r i b i n g was r e f l e c t e d i n t h e d r e a m w i t h w h i c h s h e b e g a n t h e s e c o n d o f t h r e e sessions p r e s e n t e d . I n t h a t d r e a m the p a t i e n t was w a t c h i n g a m a n t a k e c a r e o f a baby. T h e m a n p l a c e d t h e b a b y o n a n i m a g i n a r y s l i d e

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a n d a l l o w e d it t o fall d o w n a c o n c r e t e staircase b r e a k i n g its n e c k i n t h e p r o c e s s . A t t h e e n d of t h e d r e a m , as t h e m a n p i c k e d u p t h e silent, m o t i o n l e s s b a b y , t h e i n f a n t l o o k e d d i r e c t l y i n t o t h e p a t i e n t ' s eyes a n d s m i l e d eerily. Ms. B. w e n t o n after r e p o r t i n g t h e d r e a m as if s h e h a d n o t said a n y t h i n g o f s i g n i f i c a n c e r e g a r d i n g h e r d r e a m life o r a n y o t h e r p a r t o f h e r life. I f o u n d (witho u t p l a n n i n g it) t h a t t h e w o r d i n g o f t h e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n I offered d r e w u p o n b o t h t h e imagery of my reverie of t h e traffic n o i s e c o v e r i n g t h e solitary s u i c i d e as well as t h e e m o t i o n a l effect o n m e o f t h e a b s o l u t e s i l e n c e t h a t f r a m e d t h e p a t i e n t ' s d r e a m ( n o s p o k e n w o r d s , cries, s c r e a m s , s n a p s , t h u d s o c c u r r e d i n Ms. B.'s a c c o u n t of t h e d r e a m ) . I c o m m e n t e d o n t h e way t h e p a t i e n t h a d u s e d w o r d s as " n o i s e " t o talk o v e r ( d r o w n o u t ) s o m e t h i n g of great i m p o r t a n c e that she b o t h h o p e d I would h e a r a n d was t r y i n g t o p r e v e n t m e f r o m h e a r i n g i n h e r t e l l i n g m e t h e d r e a m . T h e q u e s t i o n of w h e r e m y reveries s t o p p e d a n d t h e p a t i e n t ' s d r e a m b e g a n was n o t p o s s i b l e t o d e t e r m i n e i n a n y m e a n i n g f u l way a t this p o i n t . B o t h m y reveries a n d t h e patient's d r e a m were c r e a t e d i n t h e s a m e " i n t e r s u b j e c t i v e a n a l y t i c d r e a m s p a c e " (see C h a p t e r 5). Ms. B ' s r e s p o n s e t o m y i n t e r p r e t a t i o n was m o r e d i r e c t , self-reflective, a n d affectively c o l o r e d t h a n h a d b e e n t h e case for s o m e time. Despite a n o t e of complia n c e , it was c l e a r t h a t t h e analytic r e l a t i o n s h i p was i n t h e p r o c e s s o f c h a n g i n g . After b e g i n n i n g by s a y i n g t h a t s h e saw h e r s e l f as t h e b a b y t h a t was b e i n g d r o p p e d by m e , t h e p a t i e n t was a b l e t o o b s e r v e t h a t t h e i n t e r p r e t a -

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tion was a " k i n d o f a lie" i n t h a t it felt stale a n d reflexive. S h e t h e n s p o k e o f f e e l i n g " i m m o b i l i z e d " in h e r i n a b i l i t y t o p r e v e n t w h a t s h e was o b s e r v i n g f r o m h a p p e n i n g . My r e v e r i e f r o m t h e p r e v i o u s s e s s i o n i n v o l v i n g m y sense of s h a m e associated with t h e feeling of b e i n g a n immobilized observer of J.'s isolation led m e to wond e r w h e t h e r s h a m e a n d guilt were i m p o r t a n t aspects of t h e p a t i e n t ' s d i s t r e s s i n r e l a t i o n t o t h e d r e a m as well as i n r e l a t i o n t o h e r t r e a t m e n t of m e . Ms. B.'s n e x t c o m m e n t s s e e m e d t o b e a r o u t this u n d e r s t a n d i n g : s h e t o l d m e i n d i r e c t l y t h a t s h e was f r i g h t e n e d of h e r c a p a c i t y t o isolate h e r s e l f a n d m e t h r o u g h h e r c l a i m s t o b e " a b o v e " o r " i m m u n e to" psychological pain. * As Ms. B. s p o k e a b o u t h e r u s e of t h e " e e r i e s m i l e " w i t h m e , I was n o t c e r t a i n w h e t h e r t h e p a t i e n t was c o n s c i o u s o f h e r efforts t o r e l i e v e m e of m y f e e l i n g s o f isolation while with h e r . This session c o n c l u d e d with t h e p a t i e n t ' s s p e a k i n g to me a b o u t h e r f e a r o f h e r c a p a c i t y t o b e c o m e so i n v u l n e r a b l y m e c h a n i c a l t h a t s h e is c a p a b l e o f d e s t r o y i n g t h e analysis a n d h e r life. I n h e r e x p e riencing i n t h e m o m e n t h e r inability t o d i s t i n g u i s h r e a l f e e l i n g f r o m d e c e p t i v e " p s e u d o - t a l k , " Ms. B., w i t h o u t fully r e c o g n i z i n g it, was t a l k i n g t o m e a b o u t t h e o n l y t h i n g s t h a t s h e c o u l d k n o w i n a n y visceral way t o b e r e a l — h e r f r i g h t e n i n g a w a r e n e s s of n o t k n o w i n g w h a t , if a n y t h i n g , is r e a l a b o u t h e r a n d t h e f e e l i n g o f b e i n g fully e n t r a p p e d i n h e r s e l f . T h e f o l l o w i n g m e e t i n g b e g a n w i t h a t h e a t r i c a l acting-in i n w h i c h Ms. B. fastidiously r e m o v e d a p i e c e o f l o o s e t h r e a d f r o m t h e c o u c h . It h a d b e e n a l o n g - s t a n d -

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i n g p a t t e r n f o r t h e p a t i e n t t o a n x i o u s l y w i t h d r a w after s e s s i o n s i n w h i c h it h a d felt t o m e t h a t we h a d s p o k e n t o o n e a n o t h e r i n a way t h a t r e f l e c t e d a f e e l i n g o f h u m a n warmth. Nonetheless, the imperious, detached q u a l i t y o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s g e s t u r e left m e w i t h a d i s t i n c t feeling of d i s a p p o i n t m e n t that t h e c o n n e c t i o n I h a d b e g u n t o feel w i t h Ms. B. h a d a g a i n a b r u p d y b e e n b r o u g h t t o a n e n d . I felt t h a t I was b e i n g d r o p p e d with a b o u t as m u c h c o n c e r n as s h e was f e e l i n g t o w a r d t h e p i e c e o f t h r e a d t h a t was b e i n g d r o p p e d t o t h e floor. I t s e e m e d t h a t s h e t o o was e x p e r i e n c i n g d i s a p p o i n t m e n t in herself, feeling herself to b e a failure in life a n d i n analysis. T h e p a t i e n t was also a p p a r e n t l y f e e l i n g f r i g h t e n e d a n d e m b a r r a s s e d t h a t s h e h a d (in fantasy) s o i l e d h e r s e l f a n d m e a n d was feverishly e n g a g e d in cleaning u p t h e spilled bodily c o n t e n t s / f e e l i n g s ( t h e d i r t y b a t h r o o m m e s s ) . My efforts t o talk w i t h Ms. B. a b o u t w h a t I t h o u g h t I u n d e r s t o o d a b o u t t h e way h e r c u r r e n t feelings a n d b e h a v i o r r e p r e s e n t e d a response to what she h a d e x p e r i e n c e d with m e in t h e p r e v i o u s m e e t i n g w e r e systematically i g n o r e d . D u r i n g t h e b u l k of t h e session, w h i l e t h e p a t i e n t was r u m i n a t i n g , m y o w n reveries i n c l u d e d a s e n s u o u s e n j o y m e n t o f t h e f e m i n i n e l i n e s c r e a t e d by t h e p l a y of s u n l i g h t o n t h e vases i n m y office. T h e s e feelings w e r e f o l l o w e d by a n anxiety-filled set of r e v e r i e i m a g e s of malf u n c t i o n i n g g e a r s o n c o n t a i n e r s i n a factory t h a t m a y h a v e b e e n a f o o d p r o c e s s i n g p l a n t . T h e r e was a s t r o n g s e n s e o f i m p e n d i n g disaster. T h e s e i m a g e s a n d feelings w e r e c o n n e c t e d in m y m i n d with t h e patient's descrip-

194

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tion of t h e very early t e r m i n a t i o n of b r e a s t - f e e d i n g t h a t h a d r e s u l t e d f r o m h e r "excessive" d e s i r e ( h e r b i t i n g h e r m o t h e r ' s n i p p l e s so h a r d t h a t t h e y b e c a m e i n f l a m e d ) . It felt t o m e t h a t d e s p i t e t h e fact t h a t I h a d n o t p r e viously e x p e r i e n c e d a n y h i n t o f s e x u a l o r s e n s u a l aliven e s s w h i l e w i t h Ms. B., I was n o w b e g i n n i n g t o feel t h e s e feelings a n d was i n fact e x p e r i e n c i n g a n x i e t y a b o u t t h e c a t a s t r o p h e t h a t s u c h feelings w o u l d in fantasy b r i n g o n . I was r e m i n d e d of Ms. B.'s a r c h i n g h e r b a c k a t t h e b e g i n n i n g o f t h e session e a r l i e r i n t h e w e e k a n d recalled h o w t h e gesture h a d h e l d n o sexual force for m e a t t h e time. T h a t b o d i l y m o v e m e n t n o w s e e m e d t o m e t o b e a d e n i g r a t i n g c a r i c a t u r e of s e x u a l i n t e r c o u r s e , t h a t is, b o t h a n e x p r e s s i o n of s e x u a l d e s i r e t o w a r d m e a n d t h e simultaneous denigration of that desire. T h e t h o u g h t s as well as t h e r e v e r i e f e e l i n g s a n d i m a g e s j u s t d e s c r i b e d s e r v e d as t h e e m o t i o n a l c o n t e x t for my listening a n d r e s p o n d i n g to the d r e a m that the p a t i e n t p r e s e n t e d in t h e s e c o n d half of t h e h o u r . I n t h a t d r e a m , Ms. B. h a d j u s t g i v e n b i r t h t o a b a b y t h a t felt a l i e n t o h e r . O n h o l d i n g h i m a n d h o l d i n g h i m a n d h o l d i n g h i m , h e t u r n e d i n t o a littie b o y w i t h w i l d c u r l y h a i r . Ms. B. q u i t e u n c h a r a c t e r i s t i c a l l y o f f e r e d h e r o w n i n t e r p r e t a t i o n o f t h e d r e a m s a y i n g t h a t s h e felt t h a t it r e f l e c t e d t h e way in w h i c h s h e feels n o c o n n e c t i o n w i t h w h a t c o m e s o u t of h e r i n t h e analysis. I a c k n o w l e d g e d t h a t t h i s d i d s e e m t o c a p t u r e s o m e t h i n g s h e h a d felt f o r a l o n g time, b u t ( i n f l u e n c e d by t h e f e e l i n g r e s i d u e o f m y r e v e r i e s ) , I t o l d h e r t h a t I t h o u g h t t h a t s h e was telli n g m e m o r e t h a n that in telling m e the d r e a m . I said

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t h a t I t h o u g h t t h a t it was f r i g h t e n i n g t o Ms. B. t o o p e n l y e x p e r i e n c e affection f o r h e r c h i l d . (I c h o s e t o d e f e r until a later session i n t e r p r e t i n g t h e i d e a / w i s h t h a t t h e c u r l y h a i r e d b a b y was " o u r s " b e c a u s e it s e e m e d n e c e s sary t h a t t h e p a t i e n t first b e a b l e t o g e n u i n e l y e x p e r i e n c e h e r own c o n n e c t i o n with h i m [ m e / h e r s e l f / t h e analysis.] I t h e n a s k e d if Ms. B. h a d felt t h e way i n which, almost despite herself, she h a d allowed t h e baby t o b e c o m e h u m a n ( a n d l o v e d ) as s h e m o v e d m i d - s e n t e n c e f r o m r e f e r r i n g t o t h e i n f a n t as "it" t o u s i n g t h e w o r d " h i m " i n h e r saying, "I p i c k it u p a n d h o l d h i m a n d hold h i m a n d hold him." A f t e r a s i l e n c e t h a t felt b o t h t h o u g h t f u l a n d a n x i o u s , Ms. B. t o l d m e t h a t s h e h a d felt g r a t e f u l t h a t I h a d n o t " t h r o w n away t h a t p a r t o f t h i n g s . " I was a w a r e t h a t Ms. B. was u s i n g v a g u e l a n g u a g e ( " t h a t p a r t of t h i n g s " ) i n s t e a d o f u s i n g t h e w o r d "love" (as I h a d d o n e ) , or introducing a word of h e r own to n a m e the f e e l i n g t h a t was " n o t t h r o w n away." S h e w e n t o n t o tell m e t h a t s h e h a d b e e n afraid t h a t I w o u l d e m b a r r a s s h e r w i t h m y w o r d s ( i n fantasy, u n d r e s s h e r ) a n d t h a t h e r breasts would b e revealed a n d that I would find t h e m to b e t o o small. I t h e n e x p e r i e n c e d i n a way t h a t I h a d n o t b e e n a b l e to feel i n t h e c o u r s e of t h e analysis t o t h a t p o i n t t h e i n t e n s i t y of t h e love t h a t I felt f o r J . as well as t h e d e p t h o f m y f e e l i n g s o f s a d n e s s a n d loss. I t was o n l y a t t h a t j u n c t u r e t h a t I b e g a n t o s u s p e c t t h a t t h e feelings o f s h a m e t h a t I h a d felt d u r i n g t h e r e v e r i e a b o u t J . in t h e earlier session h a d served to p r o t e c t m e from experi-

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e n c i n g t h e p a i n of t h a t love a n d t h e f e e l i n g o f loss. I s u s p e c t e d t h a t Ms. B.'s s h a m e r e g a r d i n g t h e f a n t a s y o f m y finding h e r b r e a s t s t o o s m a l l similarly s e r v e d as a defensive function in relation to the m o r e frightening w i s h e s t o b e a b l e t o love m e a n d t o feel l o v e d by m e (as well as t h e a c c o m p a n y i n g f e a r s o f m y c o n t e m p t f o r h e r a n d h e r c o n t e m p t for herself for having such wishes). T h i s fearful, d e f e n s i v e c o n t e m p t h a d b e e n e x p r e s s e d i n h e r i m p e r i o u s g e s t u r e a t t h e s t a r t of t h e m e e t i n g . T h e reveries a n d t h o u g h t s t h a t I have j u s t d e s c r i b e d (for e x a m p l e , t h e r e v e r i e s i n v o l v i n g a n a n o n y m o u s s u i c i d e , t h e effort t o c o n t r o l t h e p a s s a g e o f t i m e , t h e i n a b i l i t y t o fully g r i e v e t h e e a r l y d e a t h o f a f r i e n d , t h e anxiety associated with foreclosed sexual a n d sensual aliveness a n d r e l a t e d n e s s ) s t r o n g l y c o n t r i b u t e d t o m y s a y i n g t o Ms. B. t h a t I felt t h a t t h e r e was a s a d n e s s i n w h a t w e w e r e t a l k i n g a b o u t t h a t h a d t o d o w i t h t h e feeli n g t h a t i m p o r t a n t a s p e c t s of h e r life w e r e n o t b e i n g lived ( w e r e b e i n g " t h r o w n away"). I n r e f e r r i n g t o t h e s a d n e s s o f a t h r o w n away life, a life u n l i v e d , I was t h i n k i n g n o t o n l y o f t h e way Ms. B. h a d n o t a l l o w e d h e r s e l f to have t h e e x p e r i e n c e of b e i n g t h e m o t h e r of h e r ( o u r ) b a b y i n t h e d r e a m , b u t also o f t h e way i n w h i c h ( t o v a r y i n g d e g r e e s ) s h e h a d n o t a l l o w e d h e r s e l f t o live t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g i n analysis w i t h m e a n d h a d n o t a l l o w e d h e r s e l f t o live t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g a d a u g h t e r to h e r m o t h e r o r of having a m o t h e r . Ms. B. r e s p o n d e d t o w h a t I said by c r y i n g i n a way t h a t felt t o m e t h a t Ms. B. was e x p e r i e n c i n g s a d n e s s w i t h m e as o p p o s e d t o d r a m a t i z i n g f o r m e a n i n v e n t e d

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197

feeling. S h e e l a b o r a t e d o n t h e idea that m u c h of h e r life h a d n o t b e e n l i v e d b y t e l l i n g m e t h a t s h e h a d t o a l a r g e e x t e n t n o t e x p e r i e n c e d h e r life as a girl a n d as a w o m a n s i n c e s h e h a d n o t h a d a s e n s e o f h e r s e l f as havi n g h a d a f e m a l e b o d y . As a r e s u l t s h e felt s h e w o u l d n e v e r b e a b l e t o " m a k e m i l k f o r a b a b y . " I m p l i c i t i n this final s t a t e m e n t o f t h e h o u r was t h e p a t i e n t ' s f e a r t h a t s h e w o u l d n e v e r b e a b l e t o fully e x p e r i e n c e b e i n g alive as a s e x u a l w o m a n with m e a n d e x p e r i e n c e (in i m a g i n a t i o n ) b e i n g m o t h e r of o u r baby. Concluding

Comment

T h e r e a r e of course i n n u m e r a b l e lines of t h o u g h t a n d f e e l i n g a n d levels o f m e a n i n g i n t h e s e t h r e e sessions that I have in my discussion either i g n o r e d altogether o r o n l y briefly a n d i n c o m p l e t e l y a l l u d e d to. S u c h is t h e n a t u r e of analytic work, especially analytic w o r k in w h i c h o n e a t t e m p t s to a t t e n d to t h e infinite complexity o f t h e i n t e r p l a y o f t h e u n c o n s c i o u s life o f t h e a n a l y s a n d a n d t h a t of t h e analyst a n d to t h e ever-changing u n c o n scious constructions g e n e r a t e d in t h e "overlap" of t h e two. My i n t e n t h a s n o t b e e n t o b e e x h a u s t i v e i n t h e e x p l i c a t i o n of u n c o n s c i o u s m e a n i n g s , b u t t o p r o v i d e s o m e t h i n g o f a s e n s e o f t h e r h y t h m o f t h e to-and-fro o f e x p e r i e n c i n g a n d reflecting, of listening a n d introspect i o n , o f r e v e r i e a n d i n t e r p r e t a t i o n , i n analytic w o r k t h a t views t h e u s e o f t h e analyst's r e v e r i e s as a f u n d a m e n t a l c o m p o n e n t of analytic t e c h n i q u e .

7 O n

t h e i n

Use

of

L a n g u a g e Psychoanalysis

T h e s u b j e c t of t h e u s e of l a n g u a g e i n p s y c h o a n a l y s i s t o u c h e s o n virtually every a s p e c t o f psychoanalysis. I n t h i s c h a p t e r , I s h a l l m a k e n o a t t e m p t t o b e encyclop a e d i c ; r a t h e r , I s h a l l offer a few t e n t a t i v e t h o u g h t s c o n c e r n i n g t h e way i n w h i c h t h e c o n s c i o u s a n d u n c o n s c i o u s e x p e r i e n c e o f a n a l y s t a n d a n a l y s a n d is c o n v e y e d / c r e a t e d (in l a r g e p a r t t h r o u g h l a n g u a g e ) i n t h e analytic setting. I shall discuss s o m e implications for analysis o f t h e i d e a t h a t l a n g u a g e is n o t s i m p l y a p a c k age in which communications are wrapped, b u t t h e m e d i u m i n w h i c h e x p e r i e n c e is b r o u g h t t o life i n t h e process of b e i n g s p o k e n or written. T h i s c h a p t e r d o e s n o t r e p r e s e n t a n effort to apply a n a l y t i c t h i n k i n g t o t h e field o f l i t e r a r y s t u d i e s . Instead, I h o p e to m a k e a small c o n t r i b u t i o n to a n a w a r e n e s s o f t h e life o f w o r d s ( a n d t h e life i n w o r d s ) t h a t occurs in t h e analytic situation. R a t h e r t h a n 201

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202

a t t e m p t i n g t o l o o k b e h i n d l a n g u a g e , t h e e f f o r t h e r e is t o l o o k i n t o it. Reading,

Writing,

and

Psychoanalysis

I shall b e g i n in a way t h a t I realize is m o r e t h a n a l i t d e o d d f o r a n analytic p a p e r : I will a t t e m p t t o d e s c r i b e s o m e t h i n g o f m y e x p e r i e n c e in t h e i n t r o d u c t o r y E n g l i s h c o u r s e s t h a t I t o o k w h e n I was a s t u d e n t a t A m h e r s t College. My e x p e r i e n c e i n t h o s e c o u r s e s r e m a i n s a t t h e c o r e of t h e way I a p p r o a c h t h e u s e of l a n g u a g e b o t h w i t h i n a n d o u t s i d e of t h e analytic setting. T h e i n t r o d u c t o r y w r i t i n g c o u r s e ( r e q u i r e d f o r all f r e s h m e n ) was t a u g h t by t h e faculty o f t h e E n g l i s h D e p a r t m e n t i n s e c t i o n s of a b o u t fifteen s t u d e n t s . T h e sections m e t t h r e e times p e r week for a n a c a d e m i c year, a n d a p a p e r of a b o u t a page-and-a-half in l e n g t h ( w r i t t e n i n r e s p o n s e t o a g i v e n q u e s t i o n ) was t o b e s u b m i t t e d a t e a c h class m e e t i n g . T h e c o u r s e b e g a n w i t h t h e following writing assignment: "Describe a situation (real o r i m a g i n e d ) in which you were b e i n g sincere." At e a c h m e e t i n g o f t h e class, a p o r t i o n ( a t first, o n l y a s e n t e n c e ) o f several o f t h e s t u d e n t s ' p a p e r s t h a t h a d b e e n written for t h e previous m e e t i n g were distributed, r e a d a l o u d s e v e r a l times by t h e p r o f e s s o r , a n d d i s c u s s e d . T h e effect of w r i t i n g t h r e e o f t h e s e p a p e r s e a c h w e e k was t o g e n e r a t e t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f c o n t i n u o u s i m m e r s i o n i n the p r o c e s s o f w r i t i n g f o r a full a c a d e m i c y e a r . W r i t i n g a n d t h i n k i n g a b o u t l a n g u a g e b e c a m e a way of life i n a f a s h i o n n o t u n l i k e t h e way i n w h i c h t h e e x p e r i -

On the Use of Language in Psychoanalysis

203

e n c e o f b e i n g i n analysis b e c o m e s "a way of life" f o r a p e r i o d o f time. T h e w r i t i n g a s s i g n m e n t s c o n t i n u e d : •

"Describe a situation in which you were being insincere."

•

•

"In t h e situation you described in which you were insincere, how did you 'know' that you were b e i n g insincere?" " D e s c r i b e a c o n v e r s a t i o n i n w h i c h y o u said s o m e t h i n g t h a t felt i n s i n c e r e a n d t h e n y o u c h a n g e d a word or phrase or sentence, or even a n i n t o n a t i o n of voice which resulted in your f e e l i n g t h a t w h a t y o u h a d said was n o w m o r e s i n c e r e . W h a t was c h a n g e d ? "

•

" W h a t d o e s t h e following s t a t e m e n t m e a n t o you: ' T h a t was so u n l i k e m e like e v e r y t h i n g else I d o . ' "

•

" C o m p o s e a l e t t e r in w h i c h y o u m i s r e p r e s e n t something." " C o m p o s e a l e t t e r in w h i c h y o u try t o c o r r e c t a misunderstanding."

• •

" W h a t is d i f f e r e n t a b o u t t h e w r i t i n g i n t h e two letters that you have written in the previous assignments?"

T h e s e w e r e n o t e x e r c i s e s in p s y c h o l o g y , s e m a n t i c s , r h e t o r i c , linguistics, logic, o r p h i l o s o p h y . T h e y i n v o l v e d successive efforts a t c r e a t i n g a s e t t i n g i n w h i c h e a c h stud e n t c o u l d listen

to himself

in h i s efforts t o u s e w o r d s

a n d c o n s t r u c t sentences in t h e process of a t t e m p t i n g t o e x p r e s s / c r e a t e h i s t h o u g h t s a n d feelings i n w r i t i n g .

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A l t h o u g h I h a d r e a d s o m e w o r k s by S h a k e s p e a r e , Melville, O r w e l l , H a w t h o r n e , H e m i n g w a y , a n d t h e like i n h i g h s c h o o l , I h a d a l m o s t n o s e n s e o f w h a t was c o n s i d e r e d t o b e g o o d , m u c h less g r e a t , a b o u t t h e i r writi n g . ( I ' m n o t s u r e I e v e r really a s k e d myself t h e q u e s t i o n . ) I r e m e m b e r with g r e a t clarity t h e first time I was a b l e t o h e a r i n a s t u d e n t ' s p a p e r t h e s o u n d of g o o d writing. In a p a r a g r a p h b e i n g r e a d a l o u d in t h e introd u c t o r y w r i t i n g class i n t h e a u t u m n o f 1964, t h e stud e n t w r i t e r d e s c r i b e d f e e l i n g g o o d o n e m o r n i n g . As h e w a l k e d d o w n t h e sidewalk i n f r o n t o f h i s h o u s e , h e s a i d hello to a d o g h e passed. I c a n n o t recall t h e precise words the student used in these sentences, b u t I h e a r d a n d felt a vitality i n t h e l a n g u a g e t h a t I h a d n e v e r h e a r d before. With t h e age of t h e speaker unspecified in t h e paragraph, the writer h a d n o t only s o m e h o w conveyed i n h i s l a n g u a g e , a s e n s e of w h a t it is t o feel l i g h t , b u t also h a d m a n a g e d t o c a p t u r e a n e s s e n c e o f w h a t it feels like u n s e l f c o n s c i o u s l y t o b e a b o y — a b o y o f five o r a b o y o f s i x t e e n , it d i d n ' t m a t t e r . I m a r v e l e d a t t h e way i n w h i c h t h e r e was a b s o l u t e l y n o t h i n g i m i t a t i v e o r p o s e d a b o u t these sentences. T h e p l a c e w h e r e style s t o p p e d a n d c o n t e n t b e g a n b e c a m e i n c r e a s i n g l y difficult t o d e t e r m i n e w i t h a n y c e r t a i n t y as t h e a c a d e m i c y e a r p r o g r e s s e d . T h e r e l a t i o n ship between past and present also became i n t e r e s t i n g l y c o m p l e x : it b e g a n t o s e e m t h a t t h e p a s t was i n m a n y ways o n l y as r e a l f o r o n e s e l f as t h e l a n guage o n e could create in t h e present. T h e inarticul a t e n e s s o f t h e p a s t b e c a m e p a l p a b l e i n its o b s t i n a t e

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refusal t o b e r e d u c e d t o w o r d s . T h e i l l u s i o n o f a n " i n n e r s i n c e r e s e l f t h a t is t a r n i s h e d by w o r d s s e e m e d t o b r e a k d o w n . I n its p l a c e b e g a n t o e m e r g e a s e n s e t h a t "sincerity" (a w o r d w h o s e m e a n i n g was c o n t i n u a l l y s l i p p i n g a n d s l i d i n g ) was a n e x p e r i e n c e i n e x t r i c a b l y l i n k e d w i t h t h e way o n e u s e s l a n g u a g e t o m a k e o n e s e l f k n o w n to oneself o r to a n o t h e r p e r s o n . I never articul a t e d t h e s e i d e a s as s u c h w h i l e i n c o l l e g e ( o r f o r d e c a d e s thereafter). It wasn't only that I c o u l d n ' t have d o n e so, I felt n o i n c l i n a t i o n t o try. I n r e t r o s p e c t , it s e e m s t h a t a m o n g t h e subjects b e i n g e x p e r i m e n t e d with in this i n t r o d u c t i o n t o r e a d i n g a n d w r i t i n g was t h a t o f t h e i n t e r p e n e t r a t i o n of o n e ' s experience, one's attempts to use language to c o m m u n i c a t e t h a t e x p e r i e n c e , a n d t h e effect ( o n o n e s e l f a n d o n o t h e r p e o p l e ) of t h e w o r d s o n e uses a n d t h e sent e n c e s o n e m a k e s in t h a t effort. T h e e x p e r i m e n t in writing, reading, a n d listening that I have j u s t described has a g r e a t d e a l i n c o m m o n with t h e e x p e r i m e n t in t h i n k i n g , f e e l i n g , a n d c o m m u n i c a t i n g t h a t lies a t t h e h e a r t of t h e analytic e x p e r i e n c e . I n t h e analytic h o u r , we r a r e l y u s e w r i t i n g as o u r m e d i u m of e x p r e s s i o n , b u t we d o u s e w o r d s a n d we d o u s e o u r d e v e l o p e d c a p a c i t i e s f o r listening to language (both to the patient's a n d to o u r own) i n its s p o k e n a n d u n s p o k e n f o r m s .

" T h e Ear Does

It"

I n a n effort t o d e v e l o p a v o c a b u l a r y w i t h w h i c h t o t h i n k a b o u t a n d discuss t h e u s e o f l a n g u a g e i n p s y c h o a n a l y -

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sis, I w o u l d like t o t u r n t o a n i n c i d e n t d e s c r i b e d b y t h e l i t e r a r y critic R i c h a r d P o i r i e r ( 1 9 9 2 ) i n v o l v i n g h i s fellow t e a c h e r a n d critic, R e u b e n B r o w e r . T h e i n c i d e n t reflects s o m e t h i n g of a n a e s t h e t i c sensibility t h a t is c o m m o n to Brower's approach to teaching students a b o u t r e a d i n g poetry a n d to an a p p r o a c h to psychoanalysis t o w h i c h I a s p i r e : O n e year [Brower] b e g a n the course [an u n d e r g r a d u a t e c o u r s e in t h e r e a d i n g of English literat u r e ] with a n exercise o n a s h o r t p o e m by Edwin M u i r , w h i c h , as a n e x a s p e r a t e d n e w c o m e r t o t h e staff c o m p l a i n e d , s i m p l y " d o e s n ' t c o m e t o g e t h e r . " T h i s simply c o n f i r m e d t h e wisdom of t h e c h o i c e f o r B r o w e r , w h o s a i d simply, "Well, l e t ' s s e e w h a t t h e y c a n d o w i t h it." " D o with it," n o t " G e t o u t o f it." T h e q u e s t i o n h e l i k e d t o ask o n this a n d o n o t h e r o c c a s i o n s was, a g a i n , s i m p l y " W h a t is it like t o r e a d t h i s p o e m ? " — t h e very h a r d e s t o f q u e s t i o n s , a n d n o t o n e likely t o e n c o u r a g e a s e a r c h f o r c o h e r e n t p a t t e r n s , [ p . 184] T h e q u e s t i o n " W h a t is it like t o r e a d t h i s p o e m ? " f o c u s e s o n the experience of reading, the experience o f w h a t it feels like t o r e a d , t o l i s t e n t o , t o b e s p o k e n t o ( o r w r i t t e n t o ) by t h e s p e a k e r / w r i t e r . I b e l i e v e t h a t t h e r e is a n i m p o r t a n t a n d i n t e r e s t i n g o v e r l a p b e t w e e n t h e q u e s t i o n " W h a t is it like t o r e a d t h i s p o e m ? " a n d t h e q u e s t i o n " W h a t is i t like t o b e w i t h t h i s p a t i e n t ? " F o r B r o w e r ( 1 9 5 1 , 1 9 6 8 ) t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f r e a d i n g is n o t

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m o s t f u n d a m e n t a l l y a m a t t e r of u n c o v e r i n g " c o h e r e n t patterns" of m e a n i n g h i d d e n in t h e text which m u s t b e deciphered, d e c o d e d , o r explicated; rather, the e m p h a s i s is o n c r e a t i n g o n e ' s o w n w o r d s a n d s e n t e n c e s with w h i c h to describe t h e p r e s e n t m o m e n t created by t h e c o l l i s i o n o f a u t h o r a n d r e a d e r . As i m p o r t a n t as is t h e p r o c e s s o f u n d e r s t a n d i n g (in b o t h t h e p s y c h o a n a lytic e x p e r i e n c e a n d i n t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f r e a d i n g ) , t h e p r o c e s s of n o t " k n o w [ i n g ] t o o m u c h ( W i n n i c o t t 1971, p . 5 7 ) is a t least as i m p o r t a n t . " M u c h b e t t e r t o p r a c t i c e t h e a r t o f not a r r i v i n g [at p r e c i s e m e a n i n g ] " ( P o i r i e r 1992, p . 1 8 2 ) . O n c e a p o e m , a novel, a play, a n essay is w r i t t e n , t h e question of a u t h o r s h i p a n d the (conscious) intention o f t h e a u t h o r r e c e d e s s i n c e t h e r e a d e r is a u t h o r of h i s r e s p o n s e s t o w h a t h a s b e e n said o r w r i t t e n . T h e p o e m , f o r e x a m p l e , h a v i n g b e e n w r i t t e n ( t h e l i n e s havi n g b e e n s p o k e n ) h a s d o n e its w o r k , a n d t h e r e a d e r / l i s t e n e r t h e n b e c o m e s t h e c r e a t o r of m e a n i n g s , t h e a u t h o r o f h i s o w n s e n s e o f t h e p o e m as h e e x p e r i e n c e s it ( a n d h a s b e e n c h a n g e d by it), a n d ( s o m e t i m e s ) a t t e m p t s to find w o r d s with w h i c h t o d e s c r i b e his e x p e r i e n c e o f it. T h e reader/listener must somehow make the writing/ s p e a k i n g his o w n , o r in B r o w e r ' s t e r m s , t h e r e a d e r m u s t "see w h a t h e c a n d o with it." I n t h e p r o c e s s of writing, t h e p o e t m u s t see w h a t h e c a n d o with l a n g u a g e in m a k i n g s o m e t h i n g t h a t c a p t u r e s , a n d in a s e n s e c r e a t e s in t h e m o m e n t o f its " e x p r e s s i o n , " s o m e t h i n g o f w h a t it feels like t o b e h u m a n " u n d e r c e r t a i n c i r c u m s t a n c e s " ( H . J a m e s , The Portrait of a Lady, 1881, p . 1 7 ) .

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T h e e x p e r i e n c e o f w r i t i n g a n d r e a d i n g is n o t t h e s a m e as t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g e n g a g e d i n analysis. A n effort t o d r a w o n e - t o - o n e c o r r e s p o n d e n c e s b e t w e e n t h e t w o w o u l d c o n s t i t u t e a type o f r e d u c t i o n i s m t h a t o b s c u r e s t h e e s s e n c e o f e a c h of t h e s e f o r m s o f h u m a n activity. S u c h a r e d u c t i o n of analysis t o a t y p e o f "spok e n l i t e r a t u r e " a n d analytic l i s t e n i n g t o a f o r m o f litera r y c r i t i c i s m is n o t a t all w h a t I h a v e i n m i n d w h e n I a t t e m p t t o m a k e a n a l y t i c u s e of t h e i d e a s o f t e a c h e r s o f l i t e r a t u r e a n d l i t e r a r y critics. I a m i n t e r e s t e d i n t h e way such people think about a n d speak about encounters with o t h e r p e o p l e ' s symbolic e x p r e s s i o n s / c r e a t i o n s of t h e e x p e r i e n c e of b e i n g h u m a n . * B r o w e r d i r e c t s u s t o m e t a p h o r : " W h a t is it JiJce t o r e a d this p o e m ? " (emphasis a d d e d ) . In p o s i n g this q u e s t i o n , B r o w e r asks u s t o b r i n g t o b e a r o n t h e p o e m s o m e t h i n g n e w , s o m e t h i n g n o t a l r e a d y in t h e p o e m , b u t p e r h a p s s u g g e s t e d by t h e p o e m ' s effect o n us. I n this way, t h e p o e m is actively e n g a g e d ; we d o s o m e t h i n g w i t h it as o p p o s e d t o u n d e r s t a n d i n g it. 1 T h e analytic discourse requires of t h e analytic p a i r t h e d e v e l o p m e n t of m e t a p h o r i c a l l a n g u a g e a d e q u a t e to t h e creation of s o u n d s a n d m e a n i n g s that reflect 1. I am reminded of Bion's comment to his analysand, James Grotstein, after Grotstein responded to one of Bion's interpretations by saying, "I understand." Bion paused and then calmly said, "Please try not to understand. If you must, superstand, circumstand, parastand, but please try not to understand" (Grotstein 1990, personal communication).

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w h a t it feels like t o t h i n k , feel, a n d physically e x p e r i e n c e (in s h o r t t o b e alive as a h u m a n b e i n g t o t h e e x t e n t t h a t o n e is c a p a b l e ) a t a g i v e n m o m e n t . 2 S u c h u s e of l a n g u a g e is n o t a n i n b o r n capacity; it r e q u i r e s " e a r t r a i n i n g " 3 ( P r i t c h a r d 1991) w h i c h t h e analyst p r o v i d e s f r o m t h e very first m e e t i n g . T h e analyst, w h i l e a t t e m p t i n g t o a v o i d h e a v y - h a n d e d d i d a c t i c i s m is, in i m p o r t a n t ways, very m u c h like a n E n g l i s h t e a c h e r in h i s efforts t o e n h a n c e t h e p a t i e n t ' s c a p a c i t y f o r a t u n e m e n t t o t h e s u b t l e t y o f l a n g u a g e as well as t h e e n h a n c e m e n t o f h i s c a p a c i t y t o u s e l a n g u a g e i n a way t h a t m o r e fully c a p t u r e s / c r e a t e s h i s t h o u g h t s , feelings, p e r c e p tions, a n d s o o n i n t h e analytic d i s c o u r s e . I n a n initial m e e t i n g with a n a n a l y s a n d , I said, "I a m s t r u c k by t h e fact t h a t y o u d e s c r i b e d o u r

first

2. The analyst's creation of "metaphorical statements" constituting interpretations must not be an obtrusive event designed to demonstrate the analyst's cleverness with words. F. R. Leavis (1947), in his discussion of Milton, usefully distinguishes between a display of a "feeling for words" and the capacity to create "feeling through words" (p. 50). 3. Pritchard's term "ear training" is derived from language used by Robert Frost in a 1914 letter: "The ear does it. The ear is the only true writer and the only true reader. I have known people who could read without hearing the sounds and they were the fastest readers. Eye readers we call them. They can get the meaning by glances. But they are bad readers because they miss the best part of what a good writer puts into his words" (Frost 1914a, p. 677; quoted and discussed by Pritchard 1991, p.5).

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Reverie and Interpretation p h o n e c o n v e r s a t i o n as if y o u w e r e n ' t p a r t o f it." I was s p e a k i n g t o h e r a b o u t t h e specifics o f t h e way i n w h i c h h e r u s e of l a n g u a g e h a d c o n v e y e d t o m e a s e n s e of w h a t I i m a g i n e d s h e h a d felt d u r i n g o u r p h o n e call ( a n d was s p e a k i n g t o h e r i m p l i c i d y a b o u t w h a t I s e n s e d s h e was c u r r e n d y f e e l i n g ) . T h e a n a l y s a n d r e s p o n d e d by a s k i n g m e , " W h a t d o y o u m e a n ? " I said t h a t it s e e m e d t h a t s h e m u s t still feel very a n x i o u s a b o u t w h e t h e r it w o u l d b e p o s s i b l e f o r h e r t o b e p a r t of a n e x c h a n g e w i t h m e . T h e p a t i e n t d i d n o t r e s p o n d directly, b u t w e n t o n t o s p e a k i n a way t h a t I g r a d u a l l y c a m e t o r e a l i z e was imitative o f t h e way I s p e a k , f o r e x a m p l e , i n t h e h a l t i n g c a d e n c e o f voice. I h a d t h e s t r a n g e f e e l i n g o f l o o k i n g i n a m i r r o r a n d s e e i n g myself w h i l e b e i n g keenly aware of the insubstantial n a t u r e of t h e reflection. I chose n o t t o direct t h e patient's attention t o h e r u n c o n s c i o u s i m i t a t i o n o f m e b e c a u s e I felt t h a t t o d o so w o u l d h a v e c a u s e d h e r t o feel painfully e x p o s e d . I n s t e a d , I l i s t e n e d t o t h e p a t i e n t ' s "stories" ( h e r p r e s e n t a t i o n o f h e r h i s t o r y ) . I n t h e c o u r s e o f this r a t h e r b l a n d p r e s e n t a t i o n o f herself, I f o u n d m y m i n d w a n d e r i n g . I w e n t o v e r m y s c h e d u l e for t h e day in m y m i n d a n d struggled t o r e m e m b e r w h o I was t o see i n o n e o f m y aftern o o n h o u r s . I e v e n t u a l l y t o l d t h e p a t i e n t t h a t I was h a v i n g difficulty g e t t i n g a s e n s e of w h a t it felt like t o b e h e r i n t h e stories t h a t s h e was t e l l i n g m e . T h e p a t i e n t said t h a t s h e r e c o g n i z e d h e r h a b i t of "taki n g c o v e r , " b u t this a c k n o w l e d g m e n t h a d t h e effect

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o f s l i d i n g o v e r w h a t I s u s p e c t e d t o b e a far m o r e t r o u b l i n g f e e l i n g — t h e f e e l i n g t h a t w h a t was b e i n g h i d d e n was n o t h e r p r e s e n c e , b u t h e r a b s e n c e . T o w a r d t h e e n d o f this h o u r a n d i n s u c c e e d i n g h o u r s , I b e g a n t o b r o a c h with t h e p a t i e n t t h e i d e a o f h e r h i d d e n a b s e n c e a n d t o l i n k it w i t h h e r quest i o n , " W h a t d o y o u m e a n ? " I s u g g e s t e d t h a t this question may have reflected an anxious (unconscious) effort t o disguise f r o m h e r s e l f a n d f r o m m e a p a i n f u l f e e l i n g of n o t b e i n g p r e s e n t . I b e l i e v e t h a t analysis, a l t h o u g h u s u a l l y n o t overtly d i d a c t i c , p r o v i d e s o n e of t h e m o s t i n t e n s e a n d r i g o r o u s experiences in "ear training" that h u m a n beings have c r e a t e d . ( T h e a n a l y s t m u s t p e r e n i a l l y b e a w a r e of t h e d a n g e r t h a t " t e a c h i n g " o f this type m a y slip i n t o a f o r m of indoctrination. T o s o m e d e g r e e t h e analysand's l e a r n i n g to speak t h e analyst's " t o n g u e " [Balint 1968] i n a n i n e v i t a b l e f e a t u r e of every analysis a n d m u s t b e a d d r e s s e d as a n a s p e c t of t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r transference experience.) In attempting to describe what I have in m i n d w h e n I u s e t h e t e r m " e a r t r a i n i n g , " I shall briefly discuss t h e e x p e r i e n c e of l i s t e n i n g t o t h e u s e o f l a n g u a g e i n a p i e c e o f w r i t i n g , t h e o p e n i n g s e n t e n c e of H e n r y J a m e s ' ( 1 8 8 1 ) The Portrait of a Lady. U n d e r c e r t a i n c i r c u m s t a n c e s t h e r e a r e a few h o u r s i n life m o r e a g r e e a b l e t h a n t h e h o u r d e d i c a t e d t o t h e c e r e m o n y k n o w n as a f t e r n o o n t e a . [p. 17]

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T h i s is a n e x q u i s i t e s e n t e n c e ( p e r h a p s t o o e x q u i s i t e ) , i n w h i c h e a c h w o r d is c h o s e n w i t h all t h e c a r e o f a m a s t e r chef at a n early m o r n i n g m a r k e t selecting o n l y t h o s e h e r b s a n d v e g e t a b l e s o f t h e p e r f e c t size, shape, color, texture, a n d fragrance. T h e words, " U n d e r certain circumstances" constitute a remarka b l e p h r a s e w i t h w h i c h t o o p e n a n o v e l : t h i s is p r e cisely w h a t a n o v e l is c o n c e r n e d w i t h — c r e a t i n g a v o i c e t h a t will u s e l a n g u a g e t o d e s c r i b e w h a t life is l i k e " u n d e r certain circumstances." But we are already a l e r t e d t o t h e fact t h a t t h i s is n o t j u s t a n y v o i c e o r j u s t a n y life w h o s e c i r c u m s t a n c e s will b e p r e s e n t e d ; it is a life l i v e d by s o m e o n e w h o b e g i n s a n a c c o u n t w i t h t h i s elegant, k n o w i n g p h r a s e t h a t teeters o n t h e e d g e of p r e t e n t i o u s n e s s . P e r h a p s it m o r e t h a n t e e t e r s — i t m a y a l r e a d y h a v e b e g u n its s l i d e i n t o self-satisfaction. T h e effect is p o w e r f u l a n d i n t r i g u i n g . We read on: "Under certain circumstances, there a r e few h o u r s i n life m o r e a g r e e a b l e . . ." T h e voice, t o n e , a n d l a n g u i d p a c e a r e s u s t a i n e d : ". . . t h e r e a r e few h o u r s in life m o r e a g r e e a b l e . . . " T h e w o r d s roll off t h e t o n g u e o f a p e r s o n w h o is fully a t e a s e w i t h l a n g u a g e a n d r e l i s h e s t h e s o u n d s t h a t c a n b e m a d e w i t h it: i n d e e d they are beautiful sounds. T h e w o r d "agreea b l e " is p e r f e c t — i t c o u l d n o t b e " e n j o y a b l e , " " p l e a s u r a b l e , " o r " r e l a x i n g " — t h e w o r d " a g r e e a b l e " is m o r e m e a s u r e d , m o r e m a t u r e , m o r e civilized. T h e s e n t e n c e (it is all o n e h i g h l y c r a f t e d s e n t e n c e ) c o n c l u d e s : ". . . m o r e a g r e e a b l e t h a n t h e h o u r d e d i c a t e d t o t h e c e r e m o n y k n o w n as a f t e r n o o n t e a . " T h e h o u r b e i n g d e s c r i b e d is n o t s i m p l y t h e h o u r w h e n o n e

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t a k e s a f t e r n o o n tea, it is " t h e h o u r d e d i c a t e d t o t h e cere m o n y k n o w n as a f t e r n o o n t e a . " T h i s " h o u r " ( p e r h a p s a p l a y o n t h e w o r d " o u r " ) is n o l o n g e r a m e a s u r e of time; it is a m e a s u r e o f t h e d e v e l o p m e n t o f W e s t e r n civilization ( w h i c h h a s b e e n b r o u g h t t o its p i n n a c l e i n E n g l i s h c u l t u r e ) . T h e h o u r is n o t s i m p l y " s p e n t " o r " p a s s e d " i n a c e r t a i n way, it is by t h i s p o i n t i n h i s t o r y " d e d i c a t e d " n o t " t o a f t e r n o o n t e a , " b u t "to t h e c e r e m o n y k n o w n as a f t e r n o o n t e a . " O n e d o e s n o t ask t h e b o o r i s h q u e s t i o n , " K n o w n by w h o m ? " It is k n o w n , a n d if o n e d o e s n o t k n o w , o n e n e e d n o t r e a d o n . " W e " a r e i n v i t e d t o s m i l e w i t h t h e s p e a k e r as w e p a r t i c i p a t e i n t h e b o n d t h a t j o i n s u s in o u r s h a r e d k n o w l e d g e o f t h e rich s y m b o l i s m o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e , a n e x p e r i e n c e t h a t has n o equivalent. T h e r e is a t t h e s a m e t i m e a s e l f - m o c k e r y a n d a g e n tie t e a s i n g o f t h e r e a d e r as t h e s p e a k e r d e s c r i b e s t h e " a g r e e a b l e " c e r e m o n y with w o r d s c h o s e n as artfully as o n e knows t h e s p e a k e r would m a k e his selection from t h e tray o f c a k e s we visualize b e f o r e h i m . T h e v o i c e is u n d e n i a b l y a v o i c e o f c u l t u r e a n d taste, a voice so k n o w i n g , s o civilized, so p o i s e d , t h a t it is difficult t o l o c a t e t h e p e r s o n in it. T h e s p e a k e r is w e l c o m i n g t o t h e r e a d e r as a g r a c i o u s h o s t w o u l d w e l c o m e a g u e s t w h o will s h a r e i n t h e a f f e c t i o n a t e (very E n g l i s h ) s e l f - c h i d i n g we h e a r i n t h e t o n e o f this voice. B u t t h e r e is also a n i n t e l l i g e n c e h e r e s o fierce t h a t t h e r e a d e r c a n s e n s e t h e challenge (even d a n g e r ) of b e i n g p i e r c e d (from w h o k n o w s w h e r e ) by t h e g a z e t h a t is f o r t h e m o m e n t s o seemingly cordial.

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T h e r e is i n t h e l a n g u a g e c o n s t a n t m o v e m e n t , mystery, c h a r m (in b o t h t h e e n g a g i n g a n d t h e m a n i p u l a tive s e n s e o f t h e w o r d " c h a r m " ) a n d a s e n s e o f t h e d a n g e r o f b e i n g with s u c h a n u n r e a l i z a b l e i n t e l l i g e n c e (hardly even a person). This o p e n i n g sentence does n o t feel like a satirical c o m m e n t a r y o n t h e last twig o f t h e o u t e r m o s t b r a n c h of t h e evolutionary tree. Rather, it is a u s e of l a n g u a g e in w h i c h h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e is n o t o n l y b e i n g d e s c r i b e d , b u t is b e i n g c r e a t e d i n t h e effect of t h e w r i t i n g o n t h e r e a d e r . R e a d i n g a n d t h i n k i n g a b o u t this o p e n i n g s e n t e n c e d o e s n o t involve a n effort t o p e e r " b e h i n d " t h e l a n g u a g e o r " u n d e r " t h e w o r d s for h i d d e n m e a n i n g s ; r a t h e r , it is a n a c t o f n o t i c i n g t h e way in w h i c h l a n g u a g e is b e i n g u s e d . M e a n i n g is in t h e l a n g u a g e a n d t h e effects c r e a t e d by it. W e listen to t h e l a n g u a g e , n o t t h r o u g h it. As will b e d i s c u s s e d l a t e r , this is p r e c i s e l y t h e direction a n i m p o r t a n t strand of d e v e l o p m e n t of t h e t h e o r y o f a n a l y t i c t e c h n i q u e is c u r r e n t l y t a k i n g : t h e r e is a g r o w i n g effort i n c o n t e m p o r a r y a n a l y t i c writi n g a n d p r a c t i c e t o listen n o t o n l y t o w h a t t h e p a t i e n t is saying, b u t also t o t h e way h e is s a y i n g it a n d t o t h e effect t h e p a t i e n t is c r e a t i n g i n t h e a n a l y t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p a t a n y g i v e n m o m e n t (see, f o r e x a m p l e , J o s e p h 1975, 1982, 1985, M a l c o l m 1995, O g d e n 1 9 9 1 a , Spillius 1 9 9 5 ) . Analysts a r e i n c r e a s i n g l y a t t e m p t i n g t o l i s t e n t o t h e m e a n i n g s g e n e r a t e d , t h e effects c r e a t e d by t h e p a t i e n t ' s u s e o f l a n g u a g e in a d d i t i o n t o t h e s e m a n t i c c o n t e n t o f t h e l a n g u a g e . T h e r e is c u r r e n t l y f a r less emphasis o n the attempt to look "behind" what the

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p a t i e n t is s a v i n g f o r t h e s t o r y b e h i n d t h e story, t h e unconscious m e a n i n g "under" the conscious one. T h e u n c o n s c i o u s is n o t " s u b c o n s c i o u s " ; it is a n a s p e c t o f t h e i n d i v i s i b l e totality of c o n s c i o u s n e s s . Similarly, m e a n i n g ( i n c l u d i n g u n c o n s c i o u s m e a n i n g ) is in t h e l a n g u a g e b e i n g u s e d , n o t u n d e r it o r b e h i n d it. ( F r e u d [ 1 9 1 5 ] believed t h e t e r m "subconscious" to be "incorrect a n d m i s l e a d i n g " [p. 1 7 0 ] s i n c e t h e U n c o n s c i o u s d o e s n o t lie " u n d e r " c o n s c i o u s n e s s . ) I n t h e s e n t e n c e f r o m The Portrait of a L a d y j u s t d i s c u s s e d , we m u s t allow o u r s e l v e s n o t o n l y t o b e " m o v e d by t h e w r i t i n g " (a largely passive d e s c r i p t i o n o f t h e e x p e r i e n c e of reading), b u t m u s t e n t e r into a n active engagement with the writing ( a n d w i t h t h e w r i t e r a n d the [imaginary] speaker). We must create t h e s p e a k e r ( a n d o u r s e l v e s i n r e l a t i o n t o h i m ) as t h e w r i t e r gives u s t h e " c i r c u m s t a n c e s " i n l a n g u a g e with w h i c h t o d o this. S u c h is t h e n a t u r e o f a f o r m o f h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e c r e a t e d t h r o u g h a n d in t h e m e d i u m of words. I a m s u g g e s t i n g t h a t this f o r m o f e n g a g e m e n t w i t h writi n g r e p r e s e n t s a quality of e n g a g e m e n t (an aesthetic e x p e r i e n c e ) t h a t h a s m u c h i n c o m m o n w i t h t h e way i n w h i c h we u s e o u r s e l v e s as l i s t e n e r s , s p e a k e r s , o b s e r v e r s , a n d p a r t i c i p a n t s i n t h e analytic e n c o u n t e r . U n l e s s w e c a n marvel at a n d enjoy t h e subdety a n d complexity of t h e m i n d a n d t h e ways i n w h i c h l a n g u a g e is u s e d i n t h e a n a l y t i c e x c h a n g e , I t h i n k t h e p r a c t i c e of analysis c o u l d easily b e c o m e a very d r e a r y way t o s p e n d o n e ' s days. A few b r i e f c o m m e n t s o n w h a t it is t h a t is u n i q u e to t h e analytic discourse ( a n d w h a t m i g h t b e t h o u g h t of

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as a n "analytic a e s t h e t i c " ) m a y b e useful i n c o n c l u d i n g this s e c t i o n . T h e r e a r e i m p o r t a n t a r e a s o f o v e r l a p a n d i m p o r t a n t differences b e t w e e n a literary aesthetic a n d a n a n a l y t i c a e s t h e t i c . I b e l i e v e t h a t w h a t is e s s e n t i a l t o l i t e r a t u r e is t h e a t t e m p t t o c a p t u r e / c r e a t e s o m e t h i n g in l a n g u a g e t h a t is significant a b o u t t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g alive as a h u m a n b e i n g a n d t h e e n j o y m e n t o f t h e p l a y o f w o r d s a n d s e n t e n c e s t h r o u g h w h i c h t h i s is m a d e to h a p p e n . T h e c a p t u r i n g / c r e a t i n g of h u m a n experie n c e i n l a n g u a g e is also o f c e n t r a l i m p o r t a n c e t o psyc h o a n a l y s i s . A n a n a l y t i c a e s t h e t i c , h o w e v e r , is also p o w e r f u l l y d e f i n e d by t h e t h e r a p e u t i c f u n c t i o n o f psyc h o a n a l y s i s . T h e r o l e s o f analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d ( a n d c o n s e q u e n d y t h e way e a c h uses l a n g u a g e t o s p e a k t o t h e o t h e r ) a r e s t r u c t u r e d by t h e p u r p o s e o f t h e i r b e i n g t o g e t h e r : t h e a t t e m p t t o h e l p t h e a n a l y s a n d effect lasti n g p s y c h o l o g i c a l c h a n g e t h a t will e n a b l e h i m t o b e c o m e m o r e fully h u m a n . T h e analysand's inability to lead a fuller ( m o r e h u m a n ) life t h a n h e is c u r r e n t l y c a p a b l e o f d o i n g is o f t e n a n o u t c o m e of h i s r e l i a n c e o n t h e ( u n c o n s c i o u s ) m e t h o d s by w h i c h h e p r o t e c t s h i m s e l f a g a i n s t r e a l a n d i m a g i n e d d a n g e r s . M o r e specifically, t h e a n a l y t i c task o f h e l p i n g t h e a n a l y s a n d b e c o m e m o r e fully h u m a n involves facilitating t h e p a t i e n t ' s efforts ( a l b e i t a m b i v a l e n t o n e s ) t o e x p e r i e n c e a g r e a t e r r a n g e ( a n d play) o f t h o u g h t s , feelings, a n d s e n s a t i o n s t h a t a r e felt t o b e h i s o w n a n d t h a t a r e felt t o h a v e b e e n g e n e r a t e d i n t h e c o n t e x t of his own p r e s e n t a n d past relations with o t h e r h u m a n beings (including t h e analyst).

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G i v e n t h i s c o n c e p t i o n of w h a t it is t h a t t h e analyst a n d a n a l y s a n d a r e a b o u t i n t h e i r analytic w o r k , t h e a n a lytic d i s c o u r s e is n o t s i m p l y a d i s c o u r s e i n w h i c h t h e r e is a n a t t e m p t t o c a p t u r e / c r e a t e in w o r d s s o m e t h i n g of t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g h u m a n ; r a t h e r , it is, i n a d d i tion, a discourse centrally c o n c e r n e d with creating lang u a g e a d e q u a t e to identifying a n d describing the nature ofthe anxiety a t its " p o i n t o f u r g e n c y " ( S t r a c h e y 1934, p . 154) i n t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e t h a t is p r e v e n t i n g t h e a n a l y s a n d f r o m e x p e r i e n c i n g a f u l l e r r a n g e a n d g r e a t e r p l a y o f t h o u g h t s , feelings, a n d s e n s a t i o n s i n t h e p r e s e n t m o m e n t . I t is a n x i e t y ( p s y c h i c p a i n ) t h a t drives a n d directs t h e m o v e m e n t of t h e analytic d i a l o g u e . Analytic t e c h n i q u e is g u i d e d by t h e effort t o s p e a k w i t h t h e a n a l y s a n d a b o u t w h a t it feels like f o r a n a l y s t a n d a n a l y s a n d t o b e w i t h o n e a n o t h e r a t t h a t m o m e n t , it e m p h a s i z e s t h e a t t e m p t t o d e s c r i b e t h e m o s t u r g e n t fears t h a t a r e s h a p i n g / c o n s t r i c t i n g t h e analysand's capacity to e x p e r i e n c e that m o m e n t in a m o r e fully h u m a n way.

The

Analyst's

Language

I n a d d r e s s i n g t h e analyst's u s e of l a n g u a g e in t h e analytic d i a l o g u e , I b r i n g t o t h i s t o p i c a p e r s p e c t i v e t h a t is s o m e w h a t at o d d s with t h e idea that t h e goal of t h e analyst i n h i s u s e o f l a n g u a g e is t o b e as crisp, c l e a r a n d clarifying as h e c a n p o s s i b l y b e . A l t h o u g h I view this c o n c e p t i o n o f t h e a n a l y s t ' s task as a p a r t i a l t r u t h , I feel t h a t it m u s t b e h e l d i n t e n s i o n w i t h a n o t h e r p a r t i a l

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t r u t h : it is e s s e n t i a l f o r t h e analyst t o u s e l a n g u a g e t h a t a s p i r e s t o a p a r t i c u l a r f o r m o f evocative, s o m e t i m e s m a d d e n i n g , a l m o s t always d i s t u r b i n g , v a g u e n e s s . I n analysis, as i n p o e t r y , " S p e e c h is n o t d i r t y s i l e n c e / C l a r i fied. I t is s i l e n c e m a d e still d i r t i e r " ( S t e v e n s 1947, p . 3 1 1 ) . T h e a n a l y s t ' s l a n g u a g e m u s t e m b o d y i n itself t h a t t h e r e is n o still p o i n t o f m e a n i n g . M e a n i n g is c o n t i n u ously i n t h e p r o c e s s o f b e c o m i n g s o m e t h i n g n e w a n d i n so d o i n g , is c o n t i n u a l l y u n d o i n g itself ( u n d e r c u t t i n g its o w n c l a i m s t o c e r t a i n t y ) . I t is e s s e n t i a l t h a t t h e a n a l y s t ' s l a n g u a g e e m b o d y t h e tension of forever b e i n g in t h e process of struggling to generate m e a n i n g while at e v e r y s t e p c a s t i n g d o u b t o n t h e m e a n i n g s " a r r i v e d at" o r "clarified." A p a t i e n t a b o u t six m o n t h s i n t o analysis r e c e n d y t o l d m e s o m e t h i n g t h a t I t a k e as h i g h p r a i s e , a l t h o u g h t h e p a t i e n t d i d n o t c o n s c i o u s l y offer it as s u c h : ' Y o u d o n ' t talk E n g l i s h . W h a t y o u say is c l e a r e n o u g h u n t i l I try t o t h i n k a b o u t it. I t ' s like n o English I've ever h e a r d . You c h o o s e y o u r w o r d s very carefully, a n d i n a way, t h e y a r e u n u s u a l l y p r e cise, b u t f o r s o m e r e a s o n t h e y a r e c o n f u s i n g . I a l m o s t always h a v e t h e f e e l i n g t h a t y o u ' v e s a i d m o r e t h a n w h a t y o u s e e m t o h a v e said. T h e analyst relies o n l a n g u a g e t o u p s e t ( u n s e t t i e , d e c e n t e r , disturb, p e r t u r b ) the given—the given of t h e p a t i e n t ' s c o n s c i o u s beliefs a n d n a r r a t i v e s by w h i c h h e c r e a t e s i l l u s i o n s o f p e r m a n e n c e , c e r t a i n t y , a n d fixity o f

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t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f self a n d o f t h e p e o p l e w h o o c c u p y h i s i n t e r n a l a n d e x t e r n a l w o r l d s . A c e n t r a l p a r t of " t h e g i v e n " t h a t is d i s t u r b e d by l a n g u a g e is t h e given of t h e p a t i e n t ' s a n d t h e a n a l y s t ' s u n d e r s t a n d i n g of w h a t is "going o n " in t h e analytic relationship. L a n g u a g e is a t its m o s t p o w e r f u l w h e n it d i s t u r b s , n o t by a r r i v i n g a t i n s i g h t s / u n d e r s t a n d i n g s , b u t by crea t i n g possibilities: "billows o r ripples o f t h e s t r e a m o f t e n d e n c y " ( E m e r s o n 1841, p . 3 1 2 ) . T h e a n a l y s t ' s lang u a g e m a k e s ripples i n " t h e s t r e a m of t e n d e n c y " i n a n effort t o h e l p a n a l y s t a n d a n a l y s a n d t o b r e a k o u t o f t h e circle of t h e e d d y in which they are c a u g h t . T h e analytic p a i r n e v e r fully s u c c e e d s i n this e n d e a v o r , b u t s t r u g g l e s i n a n d t h r o u g h l a n g u a g e t o o v e r c o m e itself (its o w n c i r c l i n g t e n d e n c i e s ) . L i f e l e s s n e s s o f analytic language T h e v a r i e t y o f f o r m s o f lifelessness o f a n a l y t i c l a n g u a g e is v i r t u a l l y e n d l e s s . A m o n g t h e m o s t c o m m o n t h a t I h a v e e n c o u n t e r e d is l a n g u a g e t h a t d e r i v e s f r o m d o g m a t i s m a n d i d e o l o g i c a l loyalties. W h e n i d e o l o g i c a l b o n d s a r e d o m i n a n t f o r t h e analyst, t h e a n a l y s t o f t e n a d o p t s ( o r is a d o p t e d by) t h e l a n g u a g e o f h i s a n a l y t i c " s c h o o l . " A n a l y t i c l a n g u a g e t h a t is i d e o l o g i c a l is n o l o n g e r alive b e c a u s e t h e a n s w e r s t o t h e q u e s t i o n s b e i n g r a i s e d a r e k n o w n by t h e a n a l y s t f r o m t h e o u t s e t a n d t h e function of l a n g u a g e has b e e n r e d u c e d to t h e conveying of t h a t k n o w l e d g e to t h e analysand. U n d e r s u c h c i r c u m s t a n c e s , t h e r e is a p a u c i t y o f a r t f u l n e s s o f l a n g u a g e t h a t "lives . . . u p o n e x p e r i m e n t , u p o n u n c e r -

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tainty, u p o n v a r i e t y o f a t t e m p t " ( J a m e s 1884, p p . 444 5 ) . F o r e x a m p l e , t h e f o l l o w i n g two i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s m a d e by analysts a s s o c i a t e d w i t h d i f f e r e n t " s c h o o l s " o f psychoanalysis were p r e s e n t e d to m e in t h e course of c o n s u l t a t i o n . I n t h e face o f a p a t i e n t ' s c o n s i s t e n t l y dism i s s i n g , p a y i n g l i p service to, o r i g n o r i n g v i r t u a l l y all t h e analyst's interpretations, t h e analyst told t h e p a t i e n t , ' Y o u envy m e m y c a p a c i t y t o m a k e l i n k a g e s i n my m i n d , a n d you angrily attack each interpretation I m a k e b e c a u s e it reflects t h e fact t h a t a d i a l o g u e , a n intercourse, has b e e n going o n in a place within m e o v e r w h i c h y o u h a v e n o c o n t r o l a n d feel p o w e r l e s s . " A n o t h e r analyst, i n r e s p o n s e t o h i s p a t i e n t ' s c o n s i s t e n t l a t e n e s s t o h i s sessions, o b s e r v e d , ' Y o u [ t h e a n a l y s a n d ] h a v e m a d e n o m e n t i o n o f t h e fact t h a t y o u w e r e a g a i n l a t e t o d a y t o o u r m e e t i n g . Y o u s e e m n o t t o view t h i s as a way o f d e f e a t i n g m e a n d t h e analysis." W h e t h e r o r n o t such interpretations are accurate, well-timed, a d d r e s s e d to the leading transference anxiety, a n d so o n , is a c a d e m i c . T h e l a n g u a g e *being u s e d is s o s t a l e t h a t it c e a s e s t o a d d r e s s t h e e x p e r i e n c e t h a t it p u r p o r t s t o a d d r e s s , - t h a t is, t h e p a t i e n t ' s u n c o n s c i o u s c o n f l i c t s a n d a n x i e t i e s as e x t e r n a l i z e d a n d e x p e r i e n c e d i n t h e transference-countertransference. T h e l a n g u a g e o f t h e s e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s is f u n d a m e n t a l l y a r e f l e c t i o n o f ( a n d t h e r e f o r e a s t a t e m e n t of) a f a i l u r e o f i m a g i n a t i o n o n t h e p a r t o f t h e analyst. T h e a n a l y s t s p e a k i n g in s u c h ways h a s lost his c a p a c i t y f o r o r i g i n a l t h o u g h t a n d t h e ability t o s p e a k w i t h h i s o w n voice; h e h a s g i v e n h i s m i n d a n d h i s u s e o f l a n g u a g e

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o v e r t o s o m e o n e else ( r e a l o r i m a g i n e d ) a n d is o f t e n c o m p l e t e l y u n a w a r e t h a t h e h a s d o n e so. T h e analysts' l a n g u a g e in t h e s e i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s reflects t h e fact t h a t t h e y a r e s p e a k i n g w i t h a b o r r o w e d voice a n d are themselves m u t e . Such c o m m u n i c a t i o n s are indeed frightening ones that may lead the a n a l y s a n d t o a t t e m p t t o s h i e l d t h e a n a l y s t f r o m awaren e s s t h a t t h e analyst h a s in a s e n s e "lost h i s m i n d . " T h e analysand m a y unconsciously e n d e a v o r to protect the a n a l y s t f r o m a w a r e n e s s o f this s t a t e o f affairs by l e a r n i n g t o s p e a k t h e s a m e c l i c h e - r i d d e n , s t e r e o t y p i c lang u a g e . U n d e r s u c h circumstances, interpretations lose a i r vitality a n d i n s t e a d s o u n d like p r e - p a c k a g e d a n a l y t i c t h e o r i e s b e i n g d e l i v e r e d by n o b o d y i n p a r t i c u l a r t o n o b o d y in particular. O n e o f m y o w n failures o f i m a g i n a t i o n was m a n i f e s t e d by a p e r i o d o f c o n s i s t e n t l y h a c k n e y e d t h i n k i n g a n d formulaic use of l a n g u a g e o n my part. T h e a n a l y s a n d r e s p o n d e d by t e l l i n g m e t h a t t h e analysis h a d b e e n g o i n g n o w h e r e f o r several w e e k s , b u t t h a t was n o t w h a t w o r r i e d h i m . H e k n e w from his own e x p e r i e n c e in o u r w o r k t o g e t h e r a n d f r o m his p r e v i o u s e x p e r i e n c e s i n analysis t h a t n o t every session o r e v e n every w e e k o f analysis was g o i n g t o feel i m p o r t a n t o r i n t e r e s t i n g . " W h a t w o r r i e s m e , h o w e v e r , is m y s e n s e t h a t y o u a r e n ' t w o r r i e d by it." I n this i n s t a n c e , t h e p a t i e n t ' s i n t e r p r e t a t i o n n o t o n l y was a c c u r a t e , b u t it c o n v e y e d in his use of language all t h a t h a d b e e n a b s e n t . H e was n o t o n l y telli n g m e , h e was showing me with h i s w o r d s w h a t it m e a n t t o u s e l a n g u a g e in a lively way. T h e c o n t e m p t

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a n d c o n d e s c e n s i o n t h a t o o z e d f r o m h i s " g e n e r o u s forg i v e n e s s " of t h e i n e v i t a b l e p e r i o d s o f s t a g n a t i o n i n a n analysis b o t h s t a r d e d a n d e m b a r r a s s e d m e . T h i s p a t i e n t was o r d i n a r i l y a m a n o f few w o r d s , a n d so t h e a t t e n t i o n t o d e t a i l i n h i s w o r d i n g o f t h i s r e l a tively l o n g s t a t e m e n t was i n itself a s t r i k i n g e v e n t t h a t p u n c t u a t e d the usual r h y t h m of o u r discourse. T h e r e was d r a m a t i c t e n s i o n i n t h e s t r u c t u r i n g o f h i s statem e n t . H e m a d e m e wait as h i s s e n t e n c e s g a t h e r e d m o m e n t u m : this d o e s n o t w o r r y m e , b u t w h a t I a m a b o u t t o p o i n t o u t about you d o e s . A l t h o u g h s u c h d e r i sive u s e o f l a n g u a g e c a n o f t e n s e e m s t r i d e n t , t h i s p a t i e n t ' s c o m m e n t s d i d n o t feel shrill t o m e . I n t h i s i n s t a n c e , I felt t h a t t h e p a t i e n t was a t t e m p t i n g t o talk t o m e a b o u t s o m e t h i n g t h a t was g e n u i n e l y f r i g h t e n i n g t o h i m a n d secondarily m a d d e n i n g to him. I felt e m b a r r a s s e d a n d h u m b l e d by h i s c o m m e n t s , b u t m o s t of all, a w a k e n e d by t h e m . T h e p h r a s e " c a u g h t with m y p a n t s d o w n " w e n t t h r o u g h m y m i n d several times. I was r e m i n d e d o f t h e fact t h a t t h e a n a l y s a n d ' s family h a d h e l d r e g u l a r " m e e t i n g s " i n w h i c h h i s p a r e n t s (as h e h a d e x p e r i e n c e d it) h a d c o r r u p t e d t h e very a c t of t a l k i n g by u s i n g w o r d s t o "play m i n d g a m e s . " T h e p u r p o s e of talk was t o e x p o s e t h e p a t i e n t ' s l a c k of intellig e n c e ( t h r o u g h h i s f a t h e r ' s p o i n t i n g o u t h i s m i s u s e of words) a n d to uncover t h e patient's unconscious motives (for e x a m p l e , t h r o u g h his m o t h e r ' s " i n t e r p r e t i n g " h i s wish t o t a k e t h e f a t h e r ' s p l a c e as t h e h e a d o f t h e family). I u n d e r s t o o d t h e p a t i e n t ' s c o m m e n t t o m e as, i n part, a reflection of t h e patient's identification with his

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p a r e n t s ' sadistic u s e of " i n s i g h t " a n d as a p r o j e c t i v e identification in which t h e sense of e m b a r r a s s m e n t , e x p o s u r e , a n d e m a s c u l a t i o n w e r e e n g e n d e r e d in m e . As i m p o r t a n t , t h e p a t i e n t ' s i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s e e m e d t o m e t o b e a n a t t e m p t t o b r i n g t h e analysis t o life a g a i n b y a l e r t i n g m e t o ( c r e a t i n g in m e ) a s e n s e o f t h e way in which talking could be corrupted a n d could b e c o m e n o t o n l y useless, b u t d e s t r u c t i v e . I n this i n s t a n c e , m y o w n i n t e r p r e t a t i o n s d i d n o t a t first s e e m t o m e t o b e sadistic. I n s t e a d , t h e y s e e m e d t o h a v e b e e n a n i m i t a t i o n o f analysis i n t h a t t h e y r e f l e c t e d t h e fact t h a t I was n o t e m o t i o n a l l y p r e s e n t , b u t was p r e t e n d i n g t o b e s o i n m y u s e o f f o r m u l a i c l a n g u a g e . L a t e r i n t h e analysis, I c a m e t o a p p r e c i a t e t h e way i n w h i c h m y w i t h d r a w a l i n t o " p l a y i n g a t analysis" (as r e f l e c t e d i n m y f o r m u l a i c u s e o f l a n g u a g e ) also r e p r e s e n t e d a n u n c o n s c i o u s identificat i o n w i t h a s a d i s t i c / s e l f - p r o t e c t i v e way i n w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t h a d t o r m e n t e d his p a r e n t s in c h i l d h o o d a n d c o n t i n u e d to t o r m e n t ( a n d shield himself from) his u n c o n s c i o u s i n t e r n a l o b j e c t p a r e n t s . By i m i t a t i n g a c o n n e c t i o n w i t h t h e m , h e c o u l d (in u n c o n s c i o u s fantasy) b e c o m e invisible a n d u n r e a c h a b l e a n d c o u l d i n d u c e i n t h e m i m p o t e n t r a g e . I n t h e analysis, I h a d u n w i t t i n g l y participated in an unconscious intersubjective cons t r u c t i o n ( t h e "analytic t h i r d " [ O g d e n 1994a, b ] ) i n w h i c h I h a d c o m e t o e x p e r i e n c e myself a n d b e h a v e (for e x a m p l e , i n m y u s e o f f o r m u l a i c l a n g u a g e ) i n a way t h a t was c o n g r u e n t w i t h t h e u n r e a c h a b l e / t o r m e n t i n g / self-protective a s p e c t o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s i n t e r n a l o b j e c t relationship.

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D e a d l a n g u a g e (for e x a m p l e , s t e r e o t y p i c , cliche*r i d d e n , over-inflated, a u t h o r i t a r i a n l a n g u a g e ) r e g u l a r l y reflects t h e fact t h a t t h e analyst a t t h a t m o m e n t h a s n o t h i n g t o say t o t h e a n a l y s a n d i n h i s o w n v o i c e , f r o m his own m i n d , in his own words. W h e t h e r t h e s o u r c e of t h e p r o b l e m is d o g m a t i c a t t a c h m e n t t o a n a n a l y t i c s c h o o l of t h o u g h t o r a r e f l e c t i o n o f u n w i t t i n g p a r t i c i p a t i o n i n a t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e d r a m a as i n t h e clinical e x a m p l e j u s t p r e s e n t e d , t h e a n a l y s t o f t e n h a s very little m i n d o f h i s o w n w i t h w h i c h t o g e n e r a t e a t h o u g h t or to create l a n g u a g e in which a multiplicity of p o s s i b l e m e a n i n g s exists. C r e a t i n g l a n g u a g e w i t h o n e ' s o w n v o i c e is itself a n a c t o f f r e e d o m t h a t is a n e c e s s a r y c o n d i t i o n for t h e creation of a n analytic setting in which psychological c h a n g e may occur: "This struggle f o r v e r b a l c o n s c i o u s n e s s s h o u l d n o t b e left o u t i n a r t . I t is a very g r e a t p a r t of life. It is n o t s u p e r i m p o s i t i o n o f a t h e o r y . I t is t h e p a s s i o n a t e s t r u g g l e i n t o c o n s c i o u s b e i n g " ( L a w r e n c e 1919, p . x ) . I a m s u g g e s t i n g t h a t t h e a n a l y s t m u s t actively s t r u g g l e w i t h l a n g u a g e i n a n effort to create ideas a n d s e n t e n c e s a n d a voice of his o w n with which to speak t h e m . This struggle to convey o n e ' s e x p e r i e n c e w i t h o n e ' s o w n w o r d s , i n o n e ' s o w n v o i c e is a very l a r g e p a r t o f w h a t it m e a n s t o b e alive i n a n a n a L lytic r e l a t i o n s h i p .

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I n t h e final s e c t i o n o f this c h a p t e r , I will focus o n s o m e of t h e ways i n w h i c h effects c r e a t e d i n t h e u s e o f l a n -

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g u a g e serve as a c e n t r a l m e d i u m of c o m m u n i c a t i o n o f u n c o n s c i o u s e x p e r i e n c e i n t h e analytic s e t t i n g . Effects c r e a t e d in language o f c o u r s e c o e x i s t w i t h t h e u s e of l a n g u a g e t o n a m e , d e s c r i b e , a n d in o t h e r ways s p e a k a b o u t o n e ' s e x p e r i e n c e . W h e n I r e f e r t o effects c r e a t e d i n l a n g u a g e , I a m p l a c i n g e m p h a s i s o n a d i m e n s i o n of l a n g u a g e u s a g e in w h i c h t h e c r e a t i o n a n d c o m m u n i c a t i o n o f m e a n i n g s / f e e l i n g s is i n d i r e c t , t h a t is, relatively i n d e p e n d e n t of w h a t is b e i n g said (at t h e level of t h e s e m a n t i c c o n t e n t o f l a n g u a g e ) . S u c h effects i n l a n g u a g e a r e always i n m o v e m e n t , always i n t h e p r o c e s s o f o c c u r ring, "always o n t h e wing, so t o s p e a k a n d n o t t o b e g l i m p s e d e x c e p t i n flight" ( W m . J a m e s 1890, p . 2 5 3 ) . F e w h a v e d e s c r i b e d as e l o q u e n t l y as W i l l i a m J a m e s ( 1 8 9 0 ) i n Principles of Psychology, t h e way i n w h i c h lang u a g e fails t o c o n v e y m e a n i n g (especially affective m e a n i n g ) w h e n it is u s e d in a f a s h i o n t h a t is f o c u s e d o n w h a t it is saying as o p p o s e d t o w h a t it is d o i n g . J a m e s discusses w h a t h e felt t o b e a p u l l in o u r u s e of l a n g u a g e t o w a r d t h e "substantives" o f l a n g u a g e ( t h e n o u n s a r o u n d w h i c h t h e m e a n i n g s o f s e n t e n c e s t e n d t o b e o r g a n i z e d ) . Feelings, especially t h o s e w i t h o u t n a m e s ("all dumb o r a n o n y m o u s psychic states") t e n d t o g e t lost "in t h o u g h t s ' a b o u t ' this o b j e c t o r ' a b o u t ' t h a t , t h e stolid w o r d about e n g u l f i n g all t h e i r d e l i c a t e idiosyncrasies i n its m o n o t o n o u s s o u n d " (James 1890, p . 2 4 6 ) . J a m e s b e l i e v e d t h a t h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e is c a p t u r e d / e x p r e s s e d i n l a n g u a g e n o t so m u c h t h r o u g h t h e p o w e r of its "substantives" t o n a m e o r d e s c r i b e ( t o s p e a k " a b o u t " ) , b u t m o r e indir e c d y , t h r o u g h t h e e l e m e n t s of l a n g u a g e ( m o r e accu-

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rately, in l a n g u a g e ) t h a t c o n t r i b u t e t o t h e c r e a t i o n of a s e n s e of m o v e m e n t a n d t r a n s i t i o n , "a f e e l i n g of r e l a t i o n m o v i n g t o its t e r m " (p. 2 4 4 ) . It is t h e "transitive p a r t s " ( p . 243) of l a n g u a g e , " t h e p l a c e s o f flight" (p. 2 4 3 ) , t h a t c o m e closest t o c a p t u r i n g s o m e t h i n g of t h e t e x t u r e a n d t h e aliveness o f felt feelings a n d t h e m o v e m e n t of " t h e s t r e a m o f t h o u g h t " (p. 2 4 3 ) : T h e r e is n o t a c o n j u n c t i o n o r a p r e p o s i t i o n , a n d h a r d l y a n adverbial p h r a s e , syntactic f o r m , o r inflection o f voice i n h u m a n s p e e c h , t h a t d o e s n o t e x p r e s s s o m e s h a d i n g o r o t h e r w h i c h we a t s o m e m o m e n t actually feel t o exist b e t w e e n t h e l a r g e r objects [ t h e substantives] o f o u r t h o u g h t . . . [p. 2 4 6 ] Struggling to b r e a k o u t of t h e confines of c o n t e n t c e n t e r e d use of l a n g u a g e , J a m e s suggests, W e o u g h t t o say a f e e l i n g o f and, a f e e l i n g o f if, a f e e l i n g o f but, a n d a f e e l i n g o f by, q u i t e as r e a d i l y as w e say . . . a f e e l i n g o f cold. Yet w e d o n o t : s o inveterate has o u r habit b e c o m e of r e c o g n i z i n g t h e existence of the substantive parts alone, that l a n g u a g e , a l m o s t refuses t o l e n d itself t o a n y o t h e r u s e . [ p p . 245-246] T h u s , J a m e s a t t e m p t s t o e x p l o r e t h e ways i n w h i c h l a n g u a g e c a n b e u s e d to do w h a t it c a n n o t say. Similarly, it is t h r o u g h effects c r e a t e d i n l a n g u a g e i n a n a n a lytic s e t t i n g t h a t m e a n i n g s / f e e l i n g s a r e c r e a t e d

and

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c o n v e y e d t h a t lie b e y o n d w h a t is b e i n g said. It is p r e cisely t h i s a s p e c t o f a n a l y t i c c o m m u n i c a t i o n t h a t is a t t h e h e a r t o f t h e c u r r e n t e l a b o r a t i o n a n d e x t e n s i o n by J o s e p h (1975, 1982, 1985) a n d o t h e r s o f K l e i n ' s ( 1 9 5 2 ) c o n c e p t o f t r a n s f e r e n c e as "total s i t u a t i o n . " It is i n c r e a s i n g l y widely r e c o g n i z e d t h a t i n o r d e r t o " c a t c h t h e drift" ( F r e u d 1 9 2 3 a ) o f t h e u n c o n s c i o u s i n t e r n a l o b j e c t w o r l d o f t h e a n a l y s a n d , w e m u s t " t h i n k i n t e r m s o f total situations t r a n s f e r r e d f r o m t h e p a s t t o t h e p r e s e n t " in a d d i t i o n t o t h e t r a n s f e r r i n g o f specific " e m o t i o n a l d e f e n s e s a n d o b j e c t r e l a t i o n s " (Klein 1952, p . 5 5 ) . I n t h i s way, K l e i n b e g a n t o shift t h e f o c u s o f o u r t h e o r e t i cal a n d t e c h n i c a l t r e a t m e n t o f t r a n s f e r e n c e f r o m t h e c o n t e n t o f w h a t is b e i n g t r a n s f e r r e d ( t h e J a m e s i a n "substantives") t o t h e totality of the effect of t r a n s f e r e n c e e x p e r i e n c e i n / o n t h e analytic r e l a t i o n s h i p . T o a l a r g e e x t e n t , t h e s e effects a r e c r e a t e d i n t h e p a t i e n t ' s u s e o f l a n g u a g e " a l o n g s i d e a n d b e y o n d w h a t h e is saying" ( J o s e p h 1985, p . 4 4 7 ) . 4 I n t h e f o l l o w i n g b r i e f clinical d i s c u s s i o n , I s h a l l a t t e m p t t o p r o v i d e a s e n s e o f t h e way in w h i c h effects i n l a n g u a g e a r e g e n e r a t e d i n a n analytic s e t t i n g . T h e a n a l y s a n d , a n a c a d e m i c i n h e r l a t e 30's, h a d b e e n " t e r m i n a t e d " f r o m two p r e v i o u s analyses w h e n (in b o t h instances) t h e analyst b e c a m e 4. I believe that transference as total situation is perhaps more accurately conceived of as "transference-countertransference as total situation."

228

Reverie and Interpretation e n r a g e d w i t h h e r a n d i n f o r m e d h e r t h a t s h e was u n a n a l y z a b l e . A l t h o u g h t h e p a t i e n t was h i g h l y r e s p e c t e d by h e r c o l l e a g u e s f o r t h e q u a l i t y o f h e r w o r k , s h e d e r i v e d l i t d e p l e a s u r e f r o m it. M u s i c a n d p a i n t i n g w e r e t h e p a s s i o n s o f h e r life a n d o c c u p i e d a l m o s t all of h e r time o u t s i d e o f w o r k . T h e p a t i e n t filled s e s s i o n after s e s s i o n w i t h s t o r i e s a b o u t e v e n t s in h e r life a n d d i d n o t s e e m t o m i n d t h a t I said very l i t d e . I n t e r p r e t a t i o n s t h a t I d i d offer w e r e p o l i t e l y t o l e r a t e d . T h e a n a l y s a n d s e e m e d r e l i e v e d , h o w e v e r , w h e n I h a d finished sayi n g w h a t I h a d t o say s o t h a t s h e c o u l d r e t u r n t o "filling m e i n " o n w h a t s h e h a d b e e n t a l k i n g a b o u t . S h e w o u l d r e p e a t almost verbatim stories t h a t s h e h a d t o l d m e o n m a n y p r e v i o u s o c c a s i o n s . I n a sess i o n o c c u r r i n g a b o u t six m o n t h s i n t o t h e analysis, I said t o t h e p a t i e n t t h a t it s e e m e d t o m e t h a t s h e m u s t feel t h a t I was n o t l i s t e n i n g t o h e r a n d t h a t I r e m e m b e r e d very l i t d e o f w h a t s h e t o l d m e . T h e p a t i e n t , as u s u a l , i g n o r e d w h a t I said a n d r e t u r n e d to the account that I had "interrupted." It t o o k m e a l m o s t a y e a r t o u n d e r s t a n d s o m e t h i n g o f t h e way in w h i c h t h e p a t i e n t was u n c o n sciously u s i n g l a n g u a g e , n o t f o r t h e p u r p o s e o f t a l k i n g t o m e a b o u t w h a t s h e was t h i n k i n g , f e e l i n g , perceiving, e x p e r i e n c i n g in h e r body, a n d so o n , b u t t o c r e a t e a n effect in language: t h e e x p e r i e n c e of w r a p p i n g herself in t h e p u r e sensation s o u n d of w o r d s . A t the s a m e time, t h e effect c r e a t e d i n m e b y this u s e o f l a n g u a g e ( t h e c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e

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aspect of t h e u n c o n s c i o u s transference-countert r a n s f e r e n c e c o n s t r u c t i o n ) was t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f b e i n g u t t e r l y u s e l e s s a n d w i t h o u t c u r r e n c y for t h e p a t i e n t . As I c a m e t o u n d e r s t a n d this d i m e n s i o n of t h e t r a n s f e r e n c e - c o u n t e r t r a n s f e r e n c e (by t r e a t i n g t h e effects c r e a t e d in l a n g u a g e as v e h i c l e s f o r u n d e r s t a n d i n g the patient's unconscious experie n c e ) , I was a b l e t o r e s t r i c t myself t o s e r v i n g as a (potentially) h u m a n m e d i u m in whose (almost entirely unfelt) presence the patient could engage i n r e l a t e d n e s s t o a n "autistic s h a p e " ( t h e s e n s a t i o n o f t h e s o u n d o f h e r o w n w o r d s ) ( T u s t i n 1984; s e e also O g d e n 1989a, b ) . All o f t h e p a t i e n t ' s p r e v i o u s e x p e r i e n c e o f r e l a t e d n e s s t o a u t i s t i c s h a p e s (for example, painting a n d listening to music) h a d b e e n d o n e in isolation. S o m e t h r e e years i n t o t h e analysis, t h e r e w e r e fleeting indications that the patient h a d b e g u n to develop a d i m awareness of my presence. For e x a m p l e , d u r i n g this p e r i o d , s h e " c o m p l i m e n t e d " m e i n a d o u b l e e d g e d way f o r m y r e m a r k a b l e list e n i n g abilities. I e x p e r i e n c e d t h i s c o m m e n t as t h e p a t i e n t ' s i n d i r e c t l y t e l l i n g m e t h a t s h e felt t h a t I h a d said very little t o t h i s p o i n t t h a t h a d b e e n o f a n y v a l u e t o h e r . It s e e m e d t o m e t h a t t h e a n a l y s a n d was u n c o n s c i o u s l y a s k i n g m e t o chall e n g e m o r e vigorously h e r self-imposed isolation in h e r sensation-dominated world (even t h o u g h s h e felt g r a t e f u l t o m e f o r t h u s far n o t h a v i n g i n t e r f e r e d w i t h h e r s e l f - s o o t h i n g activities). O v e r time I

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was a b l e t o d e s c r i b e for h e r m y e x p e r i e n c e o f h e r u s i n g w o r d s not to talk to me a n d i n fact n o t t o b e alive w i t h m e . I a d d e d t h a t h e r w r a p p i n g h e r s e l f i n t h e sensation of t h e s o u n d of h e r own voice s e e m e d to h e l p h e r to r e d u c e herself to a series of p u r e physical s e n s a t i o n s . S h e s e e m e d i n t h e c o u r s e o f h e r life t o h a v e d e v e l o p e d t h e c a p a c i t y t o t u r n h e r s e l f i n t o a s t r u c t u r e s o d e n s e t h a t p r a c t i c a l l y all m o v e m e n t , all life, s e e m e d t o b e e x t i n g u i s h e d . I n t h i s p a t i e n t ' s analysis, it was critical t h a t I b e able to learn that transference-countertransfere n c e m e a n i n g lay m o s t i m p o r t a n t i y in t h e effects c r e a t e d by t h e p a t i e n t ' s u s e o f w o r d s n o t t o c o m m u n i c a t e , n o t t o t h i n k , n o t t o c r e a t e / c o n v e y feeli n g , b u t t o g e n e r a t e a n e c e s s a r y , b u t virtually lifeless, i n s u l a t i n g s e n s o r y m e d i u m . Concluding

Comments

A c e n t r a l task of p s y c h o a n a l y s i s t o d a y involves c o n t i n u i n g t o d e v e l o p a u s e o f l a n g u a g e t h a t is a d e q u a t e t o t h e task o f c a p t u r i n g / c r e a t i n g t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f " w h a t it feels like" f o r t h e a n a l y s t t o b e w i t h t h e p a t i e n t a n d f o r t h e p a t i e n t to b e with t h e analyst at a particular j u n c ture. It has b e e n my e x p e r i e n c e that t h e l a n g u a g e of b o t h p a t i e n t a n d analyst is d e a d ( a n d t h i n k i n g a n d c o m m u n i c a t i n g cease) w h e n their use of l a n g u a g e conveys c e r t a i n t y as o p p o s e d t o t e n d e n c y , k n o w l e d g e as o p p o s e d t o a t e n t a t i v e , e v e r - s l i d i n g s e n s e o f t h i n g s , fixity as o p p o s e d t o m o v e m e n t a n d t r a n s i t i o n .

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A significant s t r a n d o f t h e r e c e n t h i s t o r y o f psychoanalysis is t h e story o f t h e d e v e l o p m e n t of t h e analyst's a p p r e c i a t i o n of t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f t h e way i n w h i c h effects created in language ( w h a t t h e p a t i e n t ' s l a n g u a g e does " a l o n g s i d e a n d b e y o n d " w h a t it says) r e p r e s e n t a n i m p o r t a n t m e d i u m in w h i c h t h e c o m m u n i c a t i o n o f unconscious experience occurs.

8 L i s t e n i n g :

T h r e e

F r o s t

P o e m s

J o s e p h B r o d s k y ( 1 9 9 5 a ) h a s r e f e r r e d t o p o e t r y as "a g r e a t d i s c i p l i n a r i a n " (p. 100) t o p r o s e . I w o u l d a d d t h a t p o e t r y is a g r e a t d i s c i p l i n a r i a n t o a n a l y t i c l i s t e n i n g . I n t h i s c h a p t e r I will l o o k a t t h e way l a n g u a g e is u s e d i n t h e m a k i n g of poetry in three Frost poems. My interest is n o t s o m u c h i n w h a t a p o e m is " a b o u t , " b u t r a t h e r in w h a t a p o e m is. I will b e d i s c u s s i n g t h e ways effects a r e c r e a t e d i n l a n g u a g e a n d h o w t h e s e effects t a k e n together create the unique experience the reader gene r a t e s (with t h e p o e t ) i n l i s t e n i n g t o t h e p o e m . I h a v e w r i t t e n this c h a p t e r f o r t h e s h e e r p l e a s u r e o f r e a d i n g a n d w r i t i n g a b o u t p o e t r y a n d I offer it t o t h e r e a d e r i n t h a t spirit. It is a c h a p t e r t h a t h a s b e e n writt e n w i t h o u t c o n c e r n t h a t it b e "useful" t o t h e a n a l y t i c r e a d e r . (I will l e a v e it e n t i r e l y t o t h e r e a d e r t o m a k e w h a t c o n n e c t i o n , if any, h e o r s h e is i n c l i n e d t o m a k e between the experience of listening to poetry a n d the 235

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e x p e r i e n c e of listening to t h e l a n g u a g e c r e a t e d in a n a n a l y t i c r e l a t i o n s h i p . ) P e r h a p s if t h i s c h a p t e r d o e s n o t a s p i r e t o b e i n g "useful," t h e r e a d e r a n d I m i g h t b e suffic i e n t i y f r e e t o m a k e a n y t h i n g a n d n o t h i n g o f it. T h e p o e t A.R. A m n i o n s ( 1 9 6 8 ) h a s p u t it far b e t t e r t h a n I a m a b l e t o i n his c o m p a r i s o n of p o e t r y t o a walk: Y o u c o u l d ask w h a t walks a r e g o o d for. . . . W a l k s a r e useless. S o a r e p o e m s . . . . A w a l k d o e s n ' t m e a n a n y t h i n g , w h i c h is a way o f s a y i n g t h a t t o s o m e e x t e n t it m e a n s a n y t h i n g y o u c a n m a k e it m e a n — a n d always m o r e t h a n y o u c a n m a k e it m e a n . . . . O n l y u s e l e s s n e s s is e m p t y e n o u g h f o r t h e p r e s e n c e of so m a n y uses. . . . O n l y u s e l e s s n e s s c a n a l l o w t h e w a l k t o b e totally itself, [ p p . 1 1 8 - 1 1 9 ] I will n o t a t t e m p t t o g e t " b e h i n d " t h e l a n g u a g e b e i n g d i s c u s s e d ; b u t will a t t e m p t t o g e t i n t o t h e lang u a g e as d e e p l y as I a m a b l e a n d t o a l l o w it t o g e t d e e p l y i n t o m e . I will e x p e r i m e n t w i t h a v a r i e t y o f ways of t h i n k i n g a n d speaking a b o u t t h r e e Frost p o e m s . O f p a r t i c u l a r i n t e r e s t t o m e a r e t h e effects c r e a t e d b y t h e s o u n d a n d m e a n i n g s of these words a n d s e n t e n c e s a n d t h e way l a n g u a g e is u s e d t o c r e a t e t h e s e effects. P u t a n o t h e r way, I will b e d i s c u s s i n g w h a t it is "like t o r e a d this p o e m " ( B r o w e r , q u o t e d by P o i r i e r 1992, p . 184) a n d h o w t h e p o e m enlists m e a n d h o w I e n l i s t t h e p o e m as I "say t h e l i n e s " ( F r o s t 1962, p . 9 1 1 ) . Before t u r n i n g to the p o e m s themselves, I would like t o briefly c o m m e n t o n two i n t e r r e l a t e d t o p i c s : t h e

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c h a n g e s i n t h e way F r o s t ' s p o e t r y h a s b e e n viewed s i n c e h i s d e a t h i n 1 9 6 3 a n d t h e difficulty p o s e d b y t h e s p e a k i n g voice in Frost's poetry. A l t h o u g h Frost achieved w i d e r e c o g n i t i o n as a p o e t , i n c l u d i n g b e i n g a w a r d e d f o u r P u l i t z e r p r i z e s , t h e r e was a g e n e r a l f e e l i n g a m o n g l i t e r a r y critics t h a t h e was a " p e o p l e ' s p o e t , " a c u l t u r a l f i g u r e c o m p a r a b l e t o C a r l S a r i d b e r g o r E d g a r L e e Masters. H i s p o p u l a r i t y , it was felt, was d u e t o h i s folksiness a n d t o c a t c h y l i n e s (for e x a m p l e , " G o o d f e n c e s m a k e g o o d n e i g h b o r s " ) t h a t m a d e h i s p o e t r y easily g r a s p e d by t h e g e n e r a l p u b l i c . T h e q u a l i t y o f F r o s t ' s p o e t r y d i d i n d e e d d e c l i n e as h i s p o p u l a r i t y g r e w (Jarrell 1953, P o i r i e r 1 9 7 7 ) . H e s e e m e d in t h e last two d e c a d e s o f h i s life t o h a v e d e v e l o p e d a f o r m u l a t h a t - h e u s e d r e p e a t edly to t h e d e t r i m e n t of his poetry. This c o n t r i b u t e d to h i s r e l e g a t i o n - b y l i t e r a r y critics t o the r a n k s o f t h e "less than great" poets. I t h a s b e e n o n l y g r a d u a l l y o v e r t h e p a s t forty o r fifty y e a r s t h a t F r o s t h a s i n c r e a s i n g l y c o m e t o b e v i e w e d d i f f e r e n d y b y critics, a c a d e m i c s , a n d p o e t s ( i n c l u d i n g A u d e n , B r o d s k y , H e a n e y , J a r r e l l , Lowell, a n d W i l b u r ) . R a n d a l l J a r r e l l ( 1 9 5 3 ) was a m o n g t h e first p o e t s a n d lite r a r y critics t o identify a n d w r i t e c o m p e l l i n g l y a b o u t " t h e o t h e r F r o s t " (p. 2 6 ) . I n o n e o f h i s p i t h y ( a n d m o r e than a litde condescending) one-liners, Jarrell r e m a r k e d , " O r d i n a r y r e a d e r s t h i n k F r o s t is t h e g r e a t e s t p o e t alive, a n d love s o m e of h i s b e s t p o e m s a l m o s t as m u c h as t h e y love s o m e o f h i s w o r s t o n e s " ( p . 2 6 ) . J a r r e l l ' s r e f e r e n c e t o " o r d i n a r y r e a d e r " was d i r e c t e d as m u c h t o " o r d i n a r y " l i t e r a r y critics a n d a c a d e m i c s as t o

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t h e " o r d i n a r y " m e m b e r s of t h e g e n e r a l p u b l i c . A l m o s t b e s e e c h i n g l y , J a r r e l l asks t h e r e a d e r t o a c t u a l l y r e a d t h e p o e m s b e f o r e d i s m i s s i n g t h e m : " N o t h i n g I say a b o u t t h e s e p o e m s c a n m a k e y o u s e e w h a t t h e y a r e like, o r w h a t t h e F r o s t t h a t m a t t e r s m o s t is like; if y o u r e a d t h e m y o u will s e e " (p. 2 7 ) . J a r r e l l c o n c l u d e s h i s two r e m a r k a b l e essays o n F r o s t b y saying, T o h a v e t h e d i s t a n c e f r o m t h e m o s t awful a n d t h e m o s t n e a r l y u n b e a r a b l e p a r t s of t h e p o e m s , t o t h e m o s t t e n d e r , s u b t i e , a n d loving p a r t s , a d i s t a n c e s o g r e a t ; t o h a v e this w h o l e r a n g e of b e i n g t r e a t e d w i t h so m u c h h u m o r a n d s a d n e s s a n d c o m p o s u r e ' . . . t o s e e t h a t a m a n c a n still i n c l u d e , c o n n e c t , a n d m a k e humanly understandable or humanly ununders t a n d a b l e so much—this is o n e o f t h e freshest a n d o l d e s t o f j o y s . . . . [p. 62] B u t t h e i m p a c t o f t h e "discovery" o f t h e " o t h e r F r o s t " by J a r r e l l ( w h o was h i m s e l f p e r i p h e r a l t o acad e m i a ) , was n o t n e a r l y as s i g n i f i c a n t a n e v e n t i n l i t e r a r y circles as L i o n e l T r i l l i n g ' s d e s c r i p t i o n o f F r o s t i n 1 9 5 9 as "a terrifying p o e t " ( q u o t e d by B r o d s k y 1 9 9 5 b , p p . 2 2 4 - 2 2 5 ) . P o i r i e r ' s ( 1 9 7 7 ) critical s t u d y o f F r o s t ' s p o e t r y a n d P r i t c h a r d ' s (1984) r e c o n s i d e r a t i o n of F r o s t ' s l i t e r a r y life w e r e pivotal t o t h e shift t h a t h a s o c c u r r e d i n t h e way F r o s t ' s p o e t r y is r e a d a n d t h e e s t e e m i n w h i c h h e is h e l d as a p o e t . My o w n r e s p o n s e t o F r o s t ' s p o e t r y h a s r o u g h l y paralleled the movement just described (although

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o c c u r r i n g m u c h later). I r e a d a g o o d deal of Frost in c o l l e g e a n d d u r i n g t h e y e a r s a f t e r w a r d s , b u t was n o t taken by what I read. T h e s p e a k i n g voice in t h e p o e m s (as I l o o k b a c k o n it) s e e m e d t o p r e s e n t a n a r r a t i v e t h a t was s o c l e a r t h a t it s e e m e d t o l e a v e m e little t o d o as a r e a d e r . I was m o r e d r a w n t o "difficult" m o d e r n p o e t s s u c h as E l i o t , P o u n d , S t e v e n s , M a r i a n n e M o o r e , a n d W i l l i a m C a r l o s W i l l i a m s . F r o s t is n o t a "difficult" p o e t in Eliot's sense of t h e word1; his p o e t r y d o e s n o t d i s l o c a t e by m e a n s o f d i s j o i n t e d o r a b s e n t n a r r a t i v e , f r a g m e n t e d images, o b s c u r e literary allusions, a n d so o n . H o w e v e r , F r o s t ' s p o e t r y is i n d e e d difficult, b u t difficult i n ways q u i t e d i f f e r e n t f r o m Eliot, P o u n d , a n d t h e o t h e r s . H i s p o e m s a r e difficult i n l a r g e p a r t b e c a u s e they "suggest f o r m u l a e that w o n ' t formulate—that almost but d o n ' t quite formulate. I should l i k e t o b e s o s u b t l e . . . as t o s e e m t o t h e c a s u a l r e a d e r a l t o g e t h e r obvious" (Frost 1917). I n Frost's (1942b) p o e m , " T h e Most of It" (which i n a n e a r l i e r d r a f t was titled " M a k i n g t h e M o s t o f It"), a

1. Eliot's views on poetry held enormous sway in literary circles and in academia during the period of Frost's maturity as a poet and for a decade or so afterwards. The following passage from Eliot's (1921) essay, "The Metaphysical Poets," had a great deal to do with what was in fashion for many decades:"... it appears likely that poets in our civilization, as it exists at present, must be difficult. . . . The poet must become more and more comprehensive, more allusive, more indirect, in order to force, to dislocate if necessary, language into his meaning" (p. 248).

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m a n calls a c r o s s a l a k e a n d b e m o a n s t h e f a c t

that

n a t u r e m e r e l y offers u p a " m o c k i n g e c h o " a n d refuses t o r e s p o n d w i t h a " c o u n t e r - l o v e " o f its o w n . T h e m a n c o n t i n u e s to look across t h e lake, As a g r e a t b u c k it powerfully a p p e a r e d , Pushing the crumpled water u p ahead, A n d l a n d e d p o u r i n g like a waterfall, A n d stumbled t h r o u g h t h e rocks with h o r n y tread, A n d f o r c e d t h e u n d e r b r u s h — a n d t h a t was all. [p. 3 0 7 ] A l a r g e p a r t o f t h e "difficulty" e n c o u n t e r e d i n r e a d i n g F r o s t is r e f l e c t e d in t h e final f o u r w o r d s o f this p o e m , " a n d t h a t was all." F r o s t ' s p o e t r y lives i n t h e r e a l m o f " a n d t h a t was all," a n d resists as if willfully o u r efforts t o m a k e it ( t h e p o e m , t h e w o r l d , o u r lives) m e a n s o m e t h i n g m o r e t h a n " t h a t . " B u t w h a t is "that"? A t first " a n d t h a t was all" s e e m s like t h e p o e t ' s wise, u n s e n t i m e n t a l , pragmatic insight into m a n ' s relationship with n a t u r e : a n e c h o is a n e c h o , a b u c k is a b u c k , n o m o r e a n d n o less. B u t o n c l o s e r i n s p e c t i o n , w h a t a p p e a r e d t o b e w i s d o m , feels m o r e a n d m o r e like a r a t h e r c o m m o n p l a c e , self-evident s t a t e m e n t (a h o r s e is a h o r s e ) t h a t m o c k s u s as t h e e c h o was felt t o m o c k t h e m a n i n t h e p o e m . W h a t is i n t e r e s t i n g a b o u t t h e e n d i n g o f t h e p o e m is t h e u n e x p e c t e d a p p e a r a n c e a t t h e very e n d o f this twenty-line p o e m of a n e w voice a p p e a r i n g o u t o f t h e s i l e n c e (following t h e d a s h ) m u c h as t h e b u c k u n e x p e c t e d l y e m e r g e d f r o m t h e lake. T h e r e a d e r , like t h e

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m a n in t h e p o e m , c a n n o t resist w i s h i n g t h e p o e m w o u l d "speak to h i m " a n d consequently attempts to m a k e the w o r d s " a n d t h a t was all" a m e m o r a b l e , s i m p l e t r u t h t h a t h e c a n w r a p u p a n d t a k e h o m e with h i m . B u t t h e b u c k i n t h e p o e m is m o r e t h a n a b u c k a n d less; it is a b u c k t h a t is t h e c r e a t i o n o f t h e p o e m . It is a b u c k t h a t p u s h e s " t h e c r u m p l e d w a t e r u p a h e a d " a n d l a n d s " p o u r i n g like a waterfall." It is n o t a b u c k " o u t t h e r e " in n a t u r e , b u t a b u c k c r e a t e d i n t h e p o e m t h r o u g h t h e s o u n d s o f "newly m a d e " words a n d imaginative m e t a p h o r . T h e v o i c e in t h e final p h r a s e o f t h e p o e m is i r o n i c , witty, a n d r a t h e r d e t a c h e d a n d , like t h e b u c k , a p p e a r s for only a m o m e n t before d i s a p p e a r i n g into t h e u n d e r b r u s h . It is a v o i c e t h a t will n o t b e p i n n e d d o w n ; it is only fleetingly glimpsed, a n d never to b e o w n e d ( k n o w n ) . I t is t h e e l u s i v e n e s s a n d s u b t l e t y o f this voice t h a t is a l a r g e p a r t o f w h a t m a k e s F r o s t ' s p o e t r y so difficult, s o i n t e r e s t i n g , so alive a n d p r e s e n t a n d yet always s o m e h o w j u s t o u t of reach. I will n o w t u r n t o t h r e e F r o s t p o e m s , " T h e S i l k e n T e n t , " " H o m e B u r i a l " a n d "I C o u l d Give All t o T i m e . " I h a v e c h o s e n t h e s e p o e m s b e c a u s e I a m very f o n d o f t h e m , e a c h f o r d i f f e r e n t r e a s o n s , b u t n o n e in its e n t i r e t y . E a c h h a s its m o m e n t s o f aliveness a n d m o m e n t s o f flatness; t h e p a r t s t h a t a r e m o s t alive f o r m e c h a n g e o v e r time. (It is i m p o r t a n t t h a t t h e r e a d e r r e a d t h e s e p o e m s a l o u d several times b e f o r e g o i n g o n t o m y d i s c u s s i o n f o r t h e p o e m s live in t h e s o u n d s o f t h e w o r d s a n d i n w h a t t h e w o r d s feel like in o u r m o u t h s as w e say t h e m . )

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242 L

T h e "Silken T e n t " (1942c) was first p u b l i s h e d in a volu m e o f F r o s t ' s p o e m s titled, A Witness Tree. T h e title o f t h e v o l u m e is t a k e n from t h e n a m e given t o a t r e e t h a t m a r k s ( s t a n d s witness to) a p r o p e r t y l i n e a n d is "My p r o o f o f b e i n g n o t u n b o u n d e d " (Frost, 1 9 4 2 d , p . 3 0 1 ) . T h e Silken T e n t S h e is as i n a field a s i l k e n t e n t At m i d d a y w h e n a s u m m e r breeze H a s d r i e d t h e d e w a n d all its r o p e s r e l e n t , S o t h a t in guys it g e n t i y sways a t e a s e , A n d its s u p p o r t i n g c e n t r a l c e d a r p o l e , T h a t is its p i n n a c l e t o h e a v e n w a r d A n d signifies t h e s u r e n e s s o f t h e s o u l , S e e m s to owe n a u g h t to any single cord, B u t stricdy h e l d by n o n e , is loosely b o u n d By c o u n d e s s s i l k e n ties o f love a n d t h o u g h t T o everything o n earth t h e compass r o u n d , A n d o n l y by o n e ' s g o i n g slightly t a u t In t h e capriciousness of s u m m e r air Is o f t h e s l i g h t e s t b o n d a g e m a d e a w a r e . F r o s t ( 1 9 2 3 ) s p o k e o f p o e t r y as " w o r d s t h a t h a v e b e c o m e d e e d s " (p. 7 0 1 ) . " T h e S i l k e n T e n t " o f t e n succ e e d s in b e c o m i n g a " d e e d " in t h e s e n s e o f b e c o m i n g a n e x p e r i e n c e itself as o p p o s e d t o a d e s c r i p t i o n o f a f e e l i n g o r o f a n e x p e r i e n c e . I n t h e o p e n i n g l i n e , " S h e is

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as i n a field a silken t e n t , " w h a t is b e i n g c o m p a r e d t o t h e s i l k e n t e n t is n o t " S h e , " b u t " S h e is" ( a n active q u a l ity o f b e i n g , m o r e v e r b t h a n p r o n o u n ) . H o w d i f f e r e n t t h e p o e m would have b e e n h a d Frost b e g u n the p o e m w i t h t h e w o r d s , " S h e is like," i n s t e a d o f " S h e is as." T h e w o r d "as" is itself a l i g h t e r , less a n g u l a r w o r d t h a n "like" a n d invites a m u c h s o f t e r c o m p a r i s o n . After t h e o p e n i n g w o r d , " S h e " is n e v e r a g a i n m e n t i o n e d a n d i n s t e a d r e m a i n s as if s u s p e n d e d o v e r t h e line a n d t h e n o v e r t h e entirety of t h e p o e m . T h e g r a c e f u l u n i t y a n d i n t e g r i t y o f t h e t e n t is capt u r e d far less in t h e d e s c r i p t i o n o f t h e t e n t t h a n i n t h e r e a d e r ' s sensory e x p e r i e n c e of t h e p o e m b e i n g woven from t h e s l e n d e r t h r e a d of a single u n i n t e r r u p t e d sent e n c e . T h e p o e m n e v e r rests: t h e r e is c o n t i n u a l m o v e m e n t g e n e r a t e d i n t h e p l a y o f h a r d n e s s a n d softness, o f expansiveness a n d boundedness. In the o p e n i n g four l i n e s , we feel t h e way t h e soft "s" s o u n d s o f t h e w o r d s ( f o r e x a m p l e , "So t h a t i n guys it g e n t i y sways a t e a s e " ) a r e g e n t l y , b u t firmly, h e l d i n p l a c e by t h e t a u t s t r u c ture of the meter, rhythm a n d rhyming pattern of t h e s o n n e t f o r m . E v e n in t h e s p a c e o f two w o r d s in l i n e three "ropes relent" the reader can experience the h a r d n e s s a n d d e n s i t y o f t h e w o r d " r o p e s " g i v i n g way a bit, b u t j u s t a bit, t o t h e l o o s e r feel o f t h e b r o a d e r twos y l l a b l e d w o r d " r e l e n t " w i t h its soft "1" a n d slightiy r o u n d e d "t" s o u n d s . T h e r e is a shift in t h e s o u n d a n d r h y t h m o f t h e w o r d s ( a n d w i t h it a s l i g h t shift in m o o d ) as t h e p o e m m o v e s f r o m t h e o p e n i n g f o u r l i n e s t o d i e t h r e e t h a t fol-

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low. T h e fifth l i n e ( " A n d its s u p p o r t i n g c e n t r a l c e d a r p o l e " ) r e q u i r e s t h a t w e s t o p after e a c h w o r d i n a way t h a t s e e m s t o " l i n e u p " t h e w o r d s a n d s o u n d s . It is n o t p o s s i b l e t o say t h e w o r d s , " A n d its s u p p o r t i n g c e n t r a l c e d a r p o l e , " w i t h o u t p a u s i n g after t h e w o r d s " s u p p o r t i n g , " " c e n t r a l , " a n d " c e d a r . " (At t h e s a m e t i m e , t h e allite r a t i o n o f t h e s e t h r e e w o r d s g e n t i y ties t h e m t o g e t h e r . ) A s e n s e o f "verticality" is c r e a t e d t h a t s t a n d s i n c o n t r a s t t o t h e s m o o t h " h o r i z o n t a l " swaying m o v e m e n t o f t h e previous line. T h e p o e m i n l i n e s six a n d s e v e n t a k e s o h a n a l m o s t r e v e r e n t i a l t o n e . T h e c e d a r p o l e is i m p l i c i d y c o m p a r e d t o a c h u r c h s p i r e (a p i n n a c l e ) r e a c h i n g u p w a r d . T h e p o e m s e e m s t o swell h e r e (in a way t h a t I find a b i t h u m o r l e s s ) as it r e a c h e s b e y o n d t h e p e r s o n a l t o t h e u n i v e r s a l . B u t e v e n as t h e p o e m takes o n this quasi-religious expansiveness, t h e i m a g e of t h e central c e d a r p o l e inside of a n d p r o t r u d i n g t h r o u g h t h e silken fabric h a s a d e l i c a t e , b u t u n m i s t a k a b l y s e x u a l quality. By t h e m i d d l e of t h e p o e m , t h e s i l k e n t e n t h a s t a k e n o n a life o f its o w n a n d w e h a r d l y r e m e m b e r t h a t t h e t e n t is "just a s i m i l e " f o r w h o " S h e is." I n t h e p h r a s e , "silken ties o f love a n d t h o u g h t , " t h e p o e m playfully c o m e s a r o u n d o n itself as h u m a n f e e l i n g s a n d c a p a c i ties a r e u s e d as m e t a p h o r s f o r t h e m o v e m e n t a n d s t r u c t u r e o f a n o b j e c t ( t h e t e n t ) w h i c h i n t u r n is a s i m i l e f o r t h e e s s e n c e o f a h u m a n b e i n g . I n this way, t h e t e n t i m a g e r y is " d r a w n b a c k i n " as if by c o r d s t h a t l o o s e l y b i n d . T h e effect c r e a t e d by t h e c l a u s e "loosely b o u n d / By c o u n t l e s s s i l k e n ties of love a n d t h o u g h t " is f o r m e

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t h e , m o s t i n t e r e s t i n g a n d vital m o m e n t i n t h e p o e m . T h e w o r d " t h o u g h t " is u n e x p e c t e d a n d r e s c u e s t h e l i n e a n d t h e n e x t o n e f r o m f e e l i n g like s t a n d a r d p o e t i c a l form. T h e w o r d " t h o u g h t " r e - h u m a n i z e s t h e t e n t simile e v e n m o r e t h a n t h e m o r e " p o e t i c a l " w o r d "love." T h e r e is a fullness t o t h e w o r d " t h o u g h t " i n t h a t it e v o k e s a s e n s e o f t h o u g h t f u l c o n s i d e r a t e n e s s as well as a q u a l i t y o f liveliness o f m i n d . T h e liveliness o f m i n d is n o t simply n a m e d , b u t is a felt p r e s e n c e in t h e liveliness o f t h e p l a y o f w o r d s , i n t h e vitality o f i m a g e s a n d m e t a p h o r s gracefully a n d s e n s u o u s l y b e n d i n g a n d c i r c l i n g w i t h i n o n e a n o t h e r , i n t h e i m m e n s e p l e a s u r e t a k e n in p e r forming, witnessing, a n d e x p e r i e n c i n g a feat of lang u a g e flawlessly c a r r i e d off. T h e p o e m concludes, A n d o n l y by o n e ' s g o i n g s l i g h d y t a u t In t h e capriciousness of s u m m e r air Is o f t h e s l i g h t e s t b o n d a g e m a d e a w a r e . T h e tie t o w h o " S h e is" is m a i n t a i n e d h e r e by t h e ambiguity o f t h e w o r d "one's" which refers to b o t h o n e c o r d a n d to t h e feeling of o n e person. W e can experie n c e i n o u r b o d i e s t h e l i g h t n e s s o f a i r as we feel o u r b r e a t h c a r r y i n g t h e final syllable o f t h e p o e m , t h a t is itself a i r ("-are") t e n d e r l y h e l d i n s i d e t h e softness o f t h e w o r d "aware." " T h e Silken T e n t " is a n exquisitely beautiful love p o e m . B u t it is a n o d d love p o e m in t h a t "She," t h e b e l o v e d , is so quickly a n d t h o r o u g h l y d i s p l a c e d by t h e

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silken t e n t t h a t we a t times forget h e r , a n d yet it d o e s n ' t s e e m t o m a t t e r t h a t we h a v e f o r g o t t e n h e r . I t h i n k t h a t this is so b e c a u s e in a n i m p o r t a n t s e n s e "She" is t h e p o e m , o r p e r h a p s m o r e accurately, " S h e is" ( h e r b e i n g is) t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f m a k i n g poetry. W h e n I h a v e a s k e d myself w h a t it m i g h t feel like t o receive this love p o e m , m y i m m e d i a t e r e s p o n s e h a s regularly b e e n t h a t I w o u l d m u c h p r e f e r t o b e its writer t h a n its r e c i p i e n t . F o r m e , t h e p o e m b e t t e r s u c c e e d s in c a p t u r i n g a n e s s e n c e ( " t h e soul") of t h e love of p o e t r y t h a n it s u c c e e d s i n c a p t u r i n g t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f t h e love o f a p e r s o n o r o f t h e love o f a p e r c e p t i o n of b e a u t y in n a t u r e . T h e delicate t e n s i o n s t h a t a r e b o t h t h e subject of a n d t h e life of this p o e m a r e t h e t e n s i o n s a t t h e h e a r t of p o e t r y itself—the forever u n r e solved "pulls" b e t w e e n p a s s i o n a n d restraint, b e t w e e n expansiveness a n d b o u n d e d n e s s , the revealed a n d t h e h i d d e n , simplicity a n d complexity, surface a n d d e p t h , t h e spoken, the unsaid, a n d the merely suggested. This p o e m , that makes words a n d the experience o f t h e love o f p o e t r y as l i g h t as air, is always d o i n g m o r e t h a n that. F r o m the outset, the language a n d imagery softly, b u t i n s i s t e n t l y s u g g e s t a n a w a r e n e s s o f t h e t e m porality of t h e e x p e r i e n c e b e i n g c r e a t e d in t h e p o e m . T h e t e n t is a silken t e n t , a d e l i c a t e fabric, "at m i d d a y , " subject to "the capriciousness of s u m m e r air" ( p e r h a p s a m e t a p h o r for t h e c a p r i c i o u s n e s s o f h u m a n e m o t i o n ) . A n e x p e r i e n c e (of a person, of a perception of beauty, o f a p o e m ) c a n n o t b e m a d e t o s t a n d still a n d will n e v e r a g a i n b e w h a t it is i n this m o m e n t . A p o e t ( o r a r e a d e r o f p o e t r y ) c a n n o t k n o w if h e will e v e r a g a i n b e a b l e t o

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m a k e a g o o d p o e m o r allow a p o e m t o g e t d e e p l y i n t o h i m . T h i s a w a r e n e s s is a n i n e x t r i c a b l e p a r t o f t h e lang u a g e o f t h e p o e m a n d o f t h e f a b r i c of t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f love. I n t h e final w o r d s o f t h e final l i n e , t h e w o r d " b o n d a g e " s e e m s t o insist o n b e i n g h e a r d as a d a r k e r , h e a v i e r w o r d t h a n t h o s e u s e d e a r l i e r t o r e f e r t o t h e elem e n t o f r e s t r a i n t : "guys," " h e l d , " " b o u n d , " "ties," " t a u t . " T h e w o r d " b o n d a g e , " e v e n as it is b e i n g u s e d in a p h r a s e creating a sense of delicate lightness, has a n o m i n o u s s o u n d t h a t is a r e m i n d e r t h a t p a s s i o n is as e n s l a v i n g as it is f r e e i n g . As F r o s t well k n e w , t h e p o e t ' s p a s s i o n f o r m a k i n g p o e m s is h i s p r i s o n (in a very u n r o m a n t i c s e n s e ) as well as his vital c o r e . JT. Frost's (1914b) " H o m e Burial" may be o n e o f t h e m o s t successful efforts i n A m e r i c a n p o e t r y t o c a p t u r e i n verse t h e s o u n d a n d feeling of p e o p l e talking to o n e a n o t h e r . A transcript of a n actual dialogue captures o n l y w h a t was said a n d as a r e s u l t c o n v e y s o n l y a s m a l l p a r t o f w h a t it feels like b e i n g t h e r e l i s t e n i n g a n d watching. A major p a r t of t h e p o e t ' s a t t e m p t to write d i a l o g u e i n p o e t r y involves t h e effort t o c a p t u r e i n t h e a c t i o n o f t h e l a n g u a g e itself t h e living s o u n d a n d e x p e rience o f s p e e c h . F r o s t ( 1 9 1 3 ) b e l i e v e d t h a t t h e vitality o f s p e e c h is in its s o u n d , " t h e s o u n d o f s e n s e " : " T h e b e s t p l a c e t o g e t t h e a b s t r a c t [ p u r e ] s o u n d o f s e n s e is from v o i c e s b e h i n d a d o o r t h a t cuts off t h e w o r d s " ( p . 8 0 ) . I n o r d e r t o a c h i e v e this, t h e s e n t e n c e s m u s t "talk

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t o e a c h o t h e r as two o r m o r e p e o p l e d o i n a d r a m a " ( F r o s t 1936, p . 4 2 7 ) so t h a t t h e p o e m is n o t s i m p l y a r e p r e s e n t a t i o n of a d i a l o g u e b u t is itself a d i a l o g u e . " H o m e B u r i a l " is o n e o f F r o s t ' s l o n g e r p o e m s a n d so I will f o c u s o n l y o n t h e way t h e p o e m b e g i n s . T h i s is a p o e m i n w h i c h a c o u p l e wresties w i t h t h e d e a t h o f t h e i r first c h i l d w h o is b u r i e d i n a s m a l l family g r a v e s i t e at t h e side of their h o m e . H o m e Burial H e saw h e r f r o m t h e b o t t o m o f t h e stairs B e f o r e s h e saw h i m . S h e was s t a r t i n g d o w n , * L o o k i n g b a c k over h e r s h o u l d e r at s o m e fear. S h e t o o k a d o u b t f u l s t e p a n d t h e n u n d i d it T o raise herself a n d look again. H e s p o k e A d v a n c i n g t o w a r d h e r : ' W h a t is it y o u s e e F r o m u p t h e r e always—for I w a n t t o k n o w . ' S h e t u r n e d a n d s a n k u p o n h e r skirts a t t h a t , A n d h e r face c h a n g e d f r o m t e r r i f i e d t o d u l l . H e s a i d t o g a i n time: ' W h a t is it y o u s e e , ' M o u n t i n g until she cowered u n d e r him. 'I will f i n d o u t n o w — y o u m u s t tell m e , d e a r . ' She, in h e r place, refused h i m any h e l p W i t h t h e least stiffening o f h e r n e c k a n d s i l e n c e . S h e l e t h i m l o o k , s u r e t h a t h e w o u l d n ' t see, Blind creature; a n d awhile h e d i d n ' t see. B u t a t last h e m u r m u r e d , ' O h , ' a n d a g a i n , ' O h . ' ' W h a t is it—what?* s h e said. 'Just t h a t I s e e . '

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T h e p o e m o p e n s p l a i n l y a n d y e t convulsively as a n e s s e n c e o f a c o m p l e x r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n two p e o p l e is i n a n i n s t a n t c r e a t e d i n t h e s o u n d s a n d m o v e m e n t of t h e words: H e saw h e r f r o m t h e b o t t o m o f t h e stairs B e f o r e s h e saw h i m . S h e w a s s t a r t i n g d o w n , L o o k i n g b a c k o v e r h e r s h o u l d e r a t s o m e fear. T h e first l i n e is c o n f u s i n g a n d d e e p l y d i s t u r b i n g t o m e e a c h time I r e a d t h e p o e m . I n r e a d i n g t h e w o r d s " H e saw h e r f r o m t h e b o t t o m of t h e s t a i r s / B e f o r e s h e saw h i m , " m y d i s o r i e n t a t i o n is s o g r e a t t h a t as o f t e n as n o t , I s t o p a n d b e g i n a g a i n in a n a t t e m p t t o g e t t h e lang u a g e a n d i m a g e t o s t a n d still. T h e r e a r e t h r e e p e o p l e i n t h e s c e n e I tell myself: a m a n , a w o m a n , a n d t h e s p e a k e r . B u t I c a n n o t see t h e m i n m y m i n d . W h o is w h e r e ? S e e i n g is e v e r y t h i n g ( " H e saw h e r . . . s h e saw h i m " ) a n d yet t h e r e a d e r s t r u g g l e s u n s u c c e s s f u l l y t o s e e , a s if p e e r i n g t h r o u g h d i m l i g h t . T h e p h r a s e " S h e was s t a r t i n g d o w n " h a s i n t h e s e q u e n c e a n d pitch of t h e s o u n d of t h e words a movem e n t f o r w a r d a n d d o w n w a r d f r o m " S h e " w i t h its l o n g "e" s o u n d t o t h e r e s o n a n t l o w e r t o n e s o f t h e w o r d " d o w n . " B u t t h e f o l l o w i n g line, " L o o k i n g b a c k o v e r h e r s h o u l d e r a t s o m e fear," s u p e r i m p o s e s m o v e m e n t i n t h e opposite direction thus creating a c o n t o r t e d image of m o v e m e n t forward a n d backward, downward a n d u p w a r d , i n t o t h e future a n d into t h e past. T h e words " s o m e f e a r " s t a n d o u t in t h e s e o p e n i n g t h r e e lines. T h e

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w o r d "fear" is u n e x p e c t e d (" ' f e t c h e d ' . . . f r o m its r e g u l a r p l a c e " [Frost 1918, p . 6 9 6 ] s i n c e w e r a r e l y t h i n k o f o u r s e l v e s as t u r n i n g t o l o o k a t a n a b s t r a c t i o n s u c h as a f e a r o r a h o p e o r a j o y . T h e effect is g r e a t l y e n h a n c e d by t h e u s e o f t h e w o r d " s o m e " as a m o d i f i e r s i n c e t h i s word, instead of telling us m o r e a b o u t t h e fear, s e e m s t o o b s t r u c t o u r view by r e f u s i n g t o n a m e it o r e v e n d e s c r i b e it. T h e p o e m continues, S h e t o o k a d o u b t f u l s t e p a n d t h e n u n d i d it T o raise herself a n d l o o k again. •i I n t h e first of t h e s e lines, t h e r e g u l a r i t y o f t h e c a d e n c e o f i a m b i c p e n t a m e t e r 2 is s u b t l y a l t e r e d . A " d o u b t f u l s t e p " is c r e a t e d i n t h e s o u n d o f t h e l a n g u a g e by a d d i n g a n e x t r a u n s t r e s s e d syllable t o t h e e n d of t h e l i n e . I n this way, a s e n s e o f s t u m b l i n g , o f "falling off t h e e n d o f t h e l i n e , " is h e a r d a n d felt in o n e ' s v o i c e as o n e says t h e l i n e . 3 I n a d d i t i o n , t h e r e is d a r k i r o n y i n t h e l i n e " S h e t o o k a d o u b t f u l s t e p a n d t h e n u n d i d it." U n s t a t e d ,

2. Iambic pentameter is a poetic cadence consisting of five "feet" (metrical units) per line with each foot consisting of an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable. Frost (1939) often remarked that in English (unlike in French, Russian, or any other language) "there are virtually but two [meters], strict iambic and loose iambic" (p. 776). 3. I am indebted to Alice Jones, a poet who has taught me something about meter and a great deal about a passion for poetry.

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b u t i m p l i c i t h e r e is t h e k n o w l e d g e (starkly f r a m i n g t h e entire p o e m ) t h a t while steps m i g h t b e retraced a n d a c t i o n s r e c o n s i d e r e d , n o t h i n g is e v e r u n d o n e . H e spoke A d v a n c i n g t o w a r d h e r : ' W h a t is it y o u see, F r o m u p t h e r e always—for I w a n t t o k n o w . ' T h e r e a d e r , t o o , is a d v a n c i n g t o w a r d h e r : o u r " h e a r i n g " t h e h u s b a n d ' s s p o k e n w o r d s , " W h a t is it y o u see" in his own voice a n d in his own words creates t h e effect o f a c i n e m a t i c m o v e m e n t f r o m a m o r e d i s t a n t viewing, a n g l e t o a c l o s e - u p s h o t . W e c a n h e a r a n d feel i n o u r m o u t h s i n s a y i n g t h e w o r d "always" t h e e l o n g a tion of t h e s p e a k i n g voice that stands in contrast to t h e n e r v o u s s t a c c a t o effect o f t h e e i g h t m o n o s y l l a b i c w o r d s t h a t p r e c e d e it. T h e w o r d "always" c a p t u r e s a s e n s e o f t h e timelessness ( n o t s i m p l y r e p e t i t i v e n e s s ) o f w h a t is o c c u r r i n g . C o n s i d e r t h e d i f f e r e n c e it w o u l d m a k e if t h e l i n e r e a d , " W h a t is it y o u always s e e f r o m u p t h e r e ? " T h e p l a c e m e n t o f t h e w o r d "always" a t t h e e n d o f t h e p h r a s e , j u s t b e f o r e t h e l o n g p a u s e c r e a t e d by t h e d a s h allows t h e s o u n d o f t h e w o r d "always" t o r e v e r b e r a t e a n d t h e n t o d i e i n t h e c a e s u r a t h a t follows t h e w o r d . It is as if t h e s o u n d o f t h e w o r d "always" is m a d e t o e c h o i n t h e s t o n y s i l e n c e o f t h e vast e m p t i n e s s o f a h o u s e t h a t t h i s c o u p l e is n o l o n g e r a b l e t o fill. T h e u s e o f t h e w o r d "always" is as u n e x p e c t e d t o t h e r e a d e r as w e r e t h e w o r d s " s o m e f e a r . " B u t h e r e t h e r e is, i n a d d i t i o n , a s e n s e t h a t t h e h u s b a n d t o o d i d

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n o t expect to hear himself utter that word. H e pauses a f t e r s a y i n g it as if a t t e m p t i n g t o a b s o r b t h e i m m e n s e s a d n e s s t h a t h e h e a r s i n t h e s o u n d of t h e w o r d t h a t c a m e from his m o u t h . T h e silence after t h e w o r d "always" t r a n s f o r m s t h e w o r d s t h a t follow: " F o r I w a n t to know." T h e r e a d e r (and, we imagine, t h e h u s b a n d too) h a d anticipated hearing an anxious, impatient d e m a n d in these words. T h e words following t h e break in t h e line s e e m to have b e e n u t t e r e d r a t h e r reflexively as if left o v e r f r o m a s t a t e o f m i n d t h a t n o l o n g e r exists. T h e h u s b a n d , h a v i n g h e a r d t h e s o u n d o f t h e w o r d "always" e c h o i n g i n t h e e m p t i n e s s o f t h e s i l e n c e ( t h e e m p t y h o u s e ) is n o w , d e s p i t e h i m s e l f , m a k i n g a m u c h m o r e c o m p l e x expression of feeling w i t h t h e s e reflexive w o r d s t h a n a n y t h i n g h e ( o r t h e reader) could have expected. T h e words "For I want to k n o w " n o w s e e m t o r e f l e c t t h e way i n w h i c h t h e h u s b a n d has b e g u n to sense, despite his persistent questioning, that h e d o e s n o t want to know, a n d yet in s o m e way a l r e a d y d o e s " k n o w . " ( T h e w o r d " k n o w , " i n a h i g h l y c o m p a c t e d way, c a p t u r e s i n its s o u n d t h e fearful o b j e c t i o n , " N o , " t h a t i n t h i s p o e m lives i n t h e v e r y b o w e l s o f t h e wish t o k n o w . )

S h e t u r n e d a n d s a n k u p o n h e r skirts a t t h a t , A n d h e r face c h a n g e d f r o m t e r r i f i e d t o d u l l . T h e wife's s i l e n c e a n d b o d y m o v e m e n t s a r e p o w e r fully e x p r e s s i v e o f h e r w i t h d r a w a l i n t o a b j e c t d e s p a i r . T h e r e is a f l a t t e n i n g , a d u l l i n g o f t h e l a n g u a g e h e r e . It

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is d e s c r i p t i v e i n t h a t it is t e l l i n g u s " a b o u t " w h a t is h a p p e n i n g as o p p o s e d t o t h e m o r e i m m e d i a t e , m o r e lively e x p e r i e n c e o f h e a r i n g w h a t is o c c u r r i n g i n t h e s o u n d of t h e h u s b a n d ' s voice. H e s a i d t o g a i n t i m e : ' W h a t is it y o u s e e , ' M o u n t i n g until she cowered u n d e r him. T h e m o s t i n t e r e s t i n g a n d telling w o r d s i n t h e s e l i n e s a r e i n t h e c o n j u n c t i v e p h r a s e "to g a i n time." T h i s p h r a s e c r e a t e s a f e e l i n g o f a p e r s o n b e i n g in two, p l a c e s a t o n c e : t h e h u s b a n d is a h e a d o f a n d b e h i n d h i m s e l f i n t h a t h e a l r e a d y in s o m e i n a r t i c u l a t e way "knows" t h e a n s w e r t o t h e q u e s t i o n h e is a b o u t to ask a g a i n , b u t n e e d s time t o a t t e m p t t o " k n o w " in a d i f f e r e n t way, t h a t is, i n a way t h a t n a m e s a n d is e n g a g e d in t h e w o r k o f w r e s d i n g with w h a t h e a l r e a d y k n o w s . Ironically, time is s o m e t h i n g t h a t h e c a n n o t "gain" i n t h e w o r l d o f "always" in w h i c h h e a n d h i s wife a n d t h e i r c h i l d a r e t r a p p e d . T h e w o r d s " m o u n t i n g " a n d " c o w e r i n g " in t h e seco n d o f t h e s e two l i n e s s u g g e s t a s u b v e r t e d i n t e r c o u r s e i n w h i c h two p e o p l e resist e x p e r i e n c i n g " s o m e t h i n g h u m a n " (to use a p h r a s e from t h e m i d d l e o f t h e p o e m ) i n o n e a n o t h e r . T h e tide o f t h e p o e m , " H o m e B u r i a l " is a c c r u i n g m e a n i n g s as t h e p o e m u n f o l d s , i n c l u d i n g by t h i s p o i n t , a s e n s e n o t o n l y of a b u r i a l a t h o m e , b u t also a b u r i a l o f a h o m e , o f a family, o f a m a r r i a g e . It is a "terrifying" b u r i a l i n t h a t t h e h u s b a n d a n d wife h a v e (in a s e n s e t h a t we a r e e x p e r i e n c i n g in t h e l a n g u a g e ) b e e n b u r i e d alive. ( T h e r e is g r i m h u m o r i n t h e p l a y o n

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w o r d s in t h e title t h a t reflects t h e d i s t u r b i n g d e t a c h m e n t of t h e e v e n h a n d e d , n e v e r - t a k i n g - s i d e s q u a l i t y o f t h e n a r r a t i v e v o i c e in this p o e m . ) T h e h u s b a n d r e p e a t s h i s q u e s t i o n , w h i c h is n o l o n g e r a q u e s t i o n , b u t a d e m a n d t h a t h i s wife n a m e w h a t h e a l r e a d y "knows," b u t c a n n o t b e a r t o m a k e m o r e r e a l f o r h i m s e l f by n a m i n g it: 'I will f i n d o u t n o w — y o u m u s t tell m e , d e a r . ' T h e w o r d " d e a r " rings so h o l l o w t h a t it is c h i l l i n g . In t h e e n t i r e b l a n k verse p o e m of m o r e t h a n a h u n d r e d - a n d - t w e n t y l i n e s t h e r e is o n l y o n e i n s t a n c e o f h a r d r h y m i n g of line-ending words ( o t h e r t h a n a w o r d rhymi n g w i t h itself)- T h e s i n g l e i n s t a n c e o c c u r s i n t h e r h y m i n g o f t h e w o r d " d e a r " i n t h i s l i n e w i t h t h e w o r d "fear" a l m o s t a d o z e n l i n e s e a r l i e r . I n this way, t h e p o e m s u b d y d o e s i n l a n g u a g e w h a t t h e c o u p l e is d o i n g t o o n e a n o t h e r : it infects (links) t h e love t h a t t h e y a t o n e time felt ( " d e a r " ) w i t h t h e f e a r t h a t is c o n s u m i n g t h e m b o t h . She, in h e r place, refused h i m any h e l p W i t h t h e least stiffening o f h e r n e c k a n d s i l e n c e . T h e p h r a s e "in h e r p l a c e " is a c u r i o u s o n e i n t h a t i n t h r e e m o n o s y l l a b i c w o r d s it s u c c e e d s i n c r e a t i n g a s e n s e o f t h e way t h e h u s b a n d a n d wife h a v e e a c h t a k e n ( o r r a t h e r , h a v e b e e n t a k e n by) a n i m m o b i l e " p l a c e " t h a t is r u l e d b y a f e e l i n g o f "always." I a m r e g u l a r l y c a u g h t off g u a r d by t h e w o r d "least" i n t h e p h r a s e " t h e

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least s t i f f e n i n g o f h e r n e c k . " T h e w o r d (like a l m o s t e v e r y t h i n g e l s e t h a t is g o i n g o n i n this p o e m ) s e e m s t o b e p u l l i n g a g a i n s t itself. T h e r e is a refusal o n t h e p a r t o f t h e wife t o h e l p h e r h u s b a n d ( o r h e r s e l f ) t h a t is c o n veyed by e v e n t h e least stiffening of h e r n e c k ( h e r refusal is c o n t a i n e d i n every s i n e w o f h e r b o d y ) ; a n d a t t h e s a m e t i m e , t h e r e is a m o d u l a t i o n o f t h e refusal i n t h a t it is only a s l i g h t stiffening o f h e r n e c k . S h e l e t h i m l o o k , s u r e t h a t h e w o u l d n ' t see, Blind creature; a n d awhile h e d i d n ' t see. T h e w o r d s " B l i n d c r e a t u r e " a t t a i n a d d e d p o w e r as t h e v o i c e o f t h e wife b u r n s t h r o u g h i n t o t h e d e t a c h e d n a r r a t i v e v o i c e . T h e s e m i c o l o n after t h e hate-filled words "Blind creature" creates a n o t h e r silence d u r i n g w h i c h w e wait b o t h w i t h t h e wife i n h e r i m p a t i e n t , foott a p p i n g a n g e r a n d with t h e h u s b a n d in his t o r t u r e d struggle with himself. (Silence, t h e space b e t w e e n t h e w o r d s , is i n this p o e m a t least as e x p r e s s i v e as t h e w o r d s themselves.) T h e vague impenetrability of t h e words "some f e a r " a r e also a c c r u i n g m e a n i n g a n d in t h e s e l i n e s h a v e c o m e t o s u g g e s t t h a t t h e wife, i n l o o k i n g o v e r h e r s h o u l d e r , is n o t e x p e r i e n c i n g t h e d e a t h o f h e r c h i l d s o m u c h as s h e is s e e i n g h e r f e a r of e x p e r i e n c i n g t h a t loss. D e s p i t e t h e fact t h a t h e r g a z e is fixed "always" o n t h e g r a v e , s h e , like h e r h u s b a n d , c a n n o t see it (in t h e s e n s e o f b e i n g a b l e t o e x p e r i e n c e it, t o a l l o w it its full r e a l n e s s a n d finality, a n d t o g r i e v e o v e r it). T h e r e is a s u b d e

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a m b i g u i t y t o t h e e p i t h e t " B l i n d c r e a t u r e " i n t h a t it refers n o t only to t h e h u s b a n d ' s (perceived) i n h u m a n ity r e f l e c t e d i n h i s inability t o "see," b u t also t o t h e wife's i n h u m a n e b l i n d n e s s t o h e r h u s b a n d ' s ( a n d h e r own) t o r t u r e d attempts to m o u r n . B u t a t last h e m u r m u r e d , ' O h , ' a n d a g a i n , ' O h . ' ' W h a t is it—what?* s h e said. 'Just t h a t I s e e . ' T h e r h y t h m o f t h e first of t h e s e l i n e s is r e m a r k a b l e i n t h e way t h a t t h e w o r d s (with t h e h e l p o f t h e p a u s e s a n d s i l e n c e s g e n e r a t e d by t h r e e c o m m a s a n d a p e r i o d i n t h e s p a c e o f f o u r w o r d s ) m o v e a t a p a i n f u l l y slow p a c e as t h e h u s b a n d "at last" m u r m u r s , " ' O h , ' a n d a g a i n , ' O h . ' " T h e s o u n d s a r e t h o s e of a n i n v o l u n t a r y m o a n of pain. T h e w o r d "creature" in t h e previous line n o w t a k e s o n a s u r p r i s i n g softness a l m o s t d e s p i t e itself as t h e s o u n d w e h e a r is like t h a t o f a t r a p p e d , w o u n d e d animal (creature). T h e p a c e quickens in t h e s e c o n d of t h e s e l i n e s as t h e w o r d s c a r r y t h e b i t t e r , prickly, h a r d e n e d v o i c e o f t h e wife (" ' W h a t is i t — w h a t ? ' s h e s a i d " ) . T h e p o e m t h e n slows a g a i n n e a r l y t o a h a l t as t h e w o r d s " 'Just t h a t I s e e ' " e m b o d y i n t h e i r c a d e n c e t h e h u s b a n d ' s p a i n f u l , still very r e t i c e n t r e c o g n i t i o n o f w h a t h e h a s k n o w n "always," b u t refuses t o n a m e ( t o a c k n o w l e d g e o p e n l y ) e i t h e r t o h i m s e l f o r t o h i s wife. T h e s e l i n e s a r e m e t r i c a l l y a n d spatially d o i n g s o m e t h i n g t h a t is left u n s a i d t h r o u g h o u t t h e p o e m . W h a t is m e t r i c a l l y a s i n g l e l i n e o f ( r o u g h l y ) i a m b i c p e n -

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t a m e t e r v e r s e (" ' W h a t is i t — w h a t ? ' s h e s a i d . / ' J u s t t h a t I s e e ' " is b r o k e n i n two o n t h e p a g e , t h u s a l l o w i n g t h e r e a d e r t o "see" i n t h e spatial c o n f i g u r a t i o n o f t h e l i n e s w h a t n e i t h e r h u s b a n d n o r wife c a n see. T h e c o u p l e is as m u c h a s i n g l e u n i t i n t h e i r g r i e f a n d f e a r as a r e t h e s e l i n e s a s i n g l e u n i t o f p e n t a m e t r i c verse; t h e c o u p l e , a t t h e s a m e time, is as d i v i d e d as t h e l i n e is spatially seve r e d ( a n d c o n f i g u r e d like d e s c e n d i n g stairs) o n t h e p a g e a n d r h y t h m i c a l l y b r o k e n in its c a d e n c e . It m u s t b e c l e a r from t h e f o r e g o i n g d i s c u s s i o n of t h e o p e n i n g of " H o m e B u r i a l " t h a t t h e r e a r e two o r d i n a r y w o r d s a n d a n e q u a l l y o r d i n a r y p h r a s e t h a t a r e critically i m p o r t a n t t o t h e success o f this passage. T h e u s e o f t h e w o r d " s o m e " to d e s c r i b e a fear h a s e n o r m o u s p o w e r n o t o n l y t o c a p t u r e t h e d e p t h a n d mystery o f t h e familiar, b u t also t o b r i n g t o life in t h e l a n g u a g e t h e s t r u g g l e with s e e i n g a n d k n o w i n g . T h e p h r a s e "to g a i n time" m a n a g e s in a h i g h l y c o n d e n s e d way t o c o n v e y t h e e x p e r i e n c e of a person lurching a h e a d a n d lagging b e h i n d himself, o f a t t e m p t i n g t o ( a n d b e i n g u n w i l l i n g to) give w o r d s a n d n a m e s to feelings, p e r c e p t i o n s , a n d e v e n t s t h a t h e fears will m a k e t h e m u n b e a r a b l y real a n d final. A n d , t o m y m i n d , t h e m o s t i n t e r e s t i n g a n d m o v i n g of t h e t h r e e , t h e u s e o f t h e w o r d "always" ( e c h o i n g a n d t h e n d y i n g in t h e silent cavity t h a t follows it). T h e effect c r e a t e d is t h a t o f a n e x p e r i e n c e o f t i m e l e s s n e s s in w h i c h t h e r e is n o p a s t a n d n o f u t u r e , o n l y t h e f e e l i n g o f "always." T h e e n t i r e o p e n i n g p a s s a g e s e e m s t o s p r e a d o u t f o r w a r d a n d b a c k w a r d from t h e w o r d "always" as if t h e lines revolve a r o u n d this w o r d as a w h e e l revolves

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a r o u n d a hub. These are ordinary words creating e x t r a o r d i n a r y effects i n l a n g u a g e . " N o f o r m s [of lang u a g e ] a r e m o r e e n g r o s s i n g , c o m f o r t i n g , staying t h a n t h o s e lesser o n e s we t h r o w off, like v o r t e x rings o f s m o k e . . ." (Frost 1935, p. 7 4 0 ) . A b o u t a h u n d r e d l i n e s l a t e r , t h e p o e m as a w h o l e e n d s w i t h a d a s h ( n o t a p e r i o d ) t h u s c r e a t i n g a s e n s e of t h e p o e m ' s falling i n t o e n d l e s s time a n d s p a c e in w h i c h t h e t h r e e voices ( t h a t of t h e h u s b a n d , o f t h e wife, a n d o f t h e n a r r a t o r ) e c h o "always." III. "I C o u l d Give All t o T i m e " ( F r o s t 1 9 4 2 e ) , first*publ i s h e d w h e n F r o s t was 6 8 y e a r s o l d , is a p o e m t h a t s e e m s t o t r a n s f o r m itself f r o m g o o d p o e t r y i n t o g r e a t p o e t r y i n its final s t a n z a . I C o u l d Give All t o T i m e T o time it n e v e r s e e m s t h a t h e is^brave T o set h i m s e l f a g a i n s t t h e p e a k s of s n o w T o lay t h e m level w i t h t h e r u n n i n g wave, N o r is h e o v e r j o y e d w h e n t h e y lie low, B u t o n l y grave, c o m t e m p l a t i v e a n d g r a v e . W h a t n o w is i n l a n d s h a l l b e o c e a n isle, T h e n eddies playing r o u n d a s u n k e n reef L i k e t h e c u r l a t t h e c o r n e r o f a smile; A n d I c o u l d s h a r e T i m e ' s lack of j o y o r grief A t s u c h a p l a n e t a r y c h a n g e o f style.

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I c o u l d give all t o T i m e e x c e p t — e x c e p t W h a t I myself h a v e h e l d . B u t w h y d e c l a r e T h e things f o r b i d d e n that while t h e Customs slept I h a v e c r o s s e d t o Safety with? F o r I a m T h e r e , A n d w h a t I w o u l d n o t p a r t with I have kept. T h e p o e m opens, of course, with t h e tide, in which t h e s p e a k e r is a p p a r e n d y giving h i m s e l f o v e r t o T i m e , b u t t h e w o r d " c o u l d " is c o n d i t i o n a l in a way t h a t leaves o p e n t h e q u e s t i o n s , "If w h a t ? " " U n d e r w h a t c i r c u m s t a n c e s ? " I n t h e first s t a n z a t h e r e is a wry p e r s o n i f i c a tion o f t i m e a n d a " t r i b u t e " t o T i m e ' s p o w e r t o lay l o w " p e a k s o f s n o w . " W h a t is i n t e r e s t i n g h e r e is t h e q u e s t i o n o f w h o t h e s p e a k e r is, t h a t is, in w h a t r e l a t i o n d o e s t h e s p e a k e r s t a n d t o w h a t h e is saying? T h e r e is a q u a l ity o f i r o n i c d e t a c h m e n t t o t h e v o i c e o f t h e s p e a k e r . T h e w o r d " b r a v e " e n d i n g t h e first l i n e o f t h e s t a n z a h a s a h u m o r o u s , a l m o s t c o n d e s c e n d i n g quality; t h e w o r d as it is u s e d h e r e h a s s o m e t h i n g o f t h e s o u n d o f a p a r e n t c o n g r a t u l a t i n g a c h i l d f o r n o t c r y i n g in the d e n t i s t ' s office. T h e p u n o n t h e w o r d "grave" in t h e final l i n e o f the s t a n z a feels i n t e n t i o n a l l y h e a v y - h a n d e d , p a r t i c u l a r l y w h e n it is r e p e a t e d "in case t h e r e a d e r d i d n o t g e t it t h e first t i m e . " T h e v o i c e in t h e first t h r e e l i n e s o f t h e s e c o n d s t a n z a feels a b i t less r e m o v e d . T h e s i m i l e c o m p a r i n g "eddies playing r o u n d a s u n k e n r e e f to "the curl at t h e c o r n e r of a smile" evokes a feeling of b e m u s e d accept a n c e of t h e erosive p o w e r of T i m e a n d even contains a n a c k n o w l e d g m e n t of t h e beauty that the passage of

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time m a y i n a d v e r t e n t i y c r e a t e . B u t , i n t h e final two l i n e s of t h e s t a n z a , t h e w h i m s i c a l t o n e s e e m s t o t a k e o n a s l i g h d y s a r d o n i c e d g e as t h e s p e a k e r r e f e r s t o " T i m e ' s l a c k o f j o y o r g r i e f in r e s p o n s e t o " p l a n e t a r y c h a n g e o f style." A t t h i s p o i n t i n t h e p o e m it is n o t a t all c l e a r w h e t h e r t h e p o e m aspires to b e a n y t h i n g m o r e t h a n a clever, well-crafted p i e c e i n w h i c h t h e r e is d r y i r o n y i n t h e fact t h a t T i m e will d o w h a t it will w h e t h e r o r n o t o n e s h a r e s i n its "lack o f j o y o r grief." T h e final s t a n z a b e g i n s w i t h t h e w o r d s , "I c o u l d give all t o T i m e " w h i c h r e t u r n s u s ( f o r t h e t h i r d time) to t h e interesting ambiguity of t h e w o r d "could" t h a t f r o m t h e o u t s e t , h a s b e e n h a n g i n g o v e r t h e p o e m like a n u n r e s o l v e d m u s i c a l c h o r d . I n t h e s p a c e ( o f time a n d place) between the words "except—except" the p o e m s e e m s t o " b r e a k o p e n " w i t h t h e s o u n d a n d feel of t h e cracking of t h e s p e a k e r ' s ( a n d t h e r e a d e r ' s ) v o i c e over-filled w i t h e m o t i o n . T h e b r e a k i n g o f t h e l i n e j u s t b e f o r e its final w o r d c r e a t e s a n effect i n w h i c h the second "except" seems to have b e e n released from its c o n n e c t i o n w i t h all t h a t p r e c e d e s it a n d t o fluidly, b u t forcefully " p o u r o v e r " t h e e d g e o f t h e l i n e i n t o t h e s e c o n d l i n e o f t h e s t a n z a . I n t h i s way, t h e r e is i n t h e m o v e m e n t o f t h e l a n g u a g e itself a s e n s e o f t h e o v e r flowing of a b o u n d a r y after a l o n g p e r i o d of confinem e n t . ( T h e e n j a m b m e n t 4 o f e a c h o f t h e first t h r e e l i n e s o f t h e final s t a n z a c o n t r i b u t e s t o t h e s e n s e o f 4. "Enjambment" is the continuation of the end of a line of poetry into the next without a pause.

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s t r o n g f o r w a r d m o v e m e n t . ) I n c o n t r a s t t o t h e first two s t a n z a s , t h e t o n e in t h e first l i n e - a n d - a - h a l f o f t h e final s t a n z a is o n e o f d e t e r m i n e d ( p e r h a p s e v e n q u i e d y j o y ful) d e f i a n c e . W h a t is b e i n g w i t h h e l d f r o m time is n o t s i m p l y " w h a t I h a v e h e l d " b u t " w h a t I myself h a v e held." T h e w o r d "held" locates the speaking voice s q u a r e l y i n t h e p h y s i c a l w o r l d o f felt, p a l p a b l e t h i n g s a n d p e o p l e ( a n d , by m e t a p h o r i c a l e x t e n s i o n , t h e w o r l d o f i n t e n s e l y felt e m o t i o n s , f e e l i n g s , i d e a s , a n d b e l i e f s ) . T h e s p e a k i n g v o i c e is t h a t o f a m a n p a s s i o n a t e l y l a y i n g c l a i m t o w h a t is m o s t s a c r e d t o h i m . A t this p o i n t i n t h e p o e m we a r e very far f r o m t h e r a t h e r a l o o f c o s m o l o g i c a l i r o n y c o n v e y e d by s u c h w o r d s as " p l a n e t a r y c h a n g e o f style." A p a s s i o n a t e v o i c e in t h e first p e r s o n is a r a r e e v e n t i n F r o s t ' s p o e t r y . H e r e g u l a r l y s h i e s away f r o m s u c h a d i s p l a y by m i x i n g p a s s i o n w i t h i r o n y a n d wit (as in t h e o p e n i n g two s t a n z a s o f this p o e m ) . T h e p o e m itself is a risk b e i n g t a k e n by t h e p o e t i n t h e very a c t o f s p e a k i n g in a p a s s i o n a t e , first-person v o i c e ( o u t s i d e o f t h e p r o tective c o v e r o f i r o n y , wit, a m b i g u i t y , a n d t h e l i k e ) ; t h e p o e m c o u l d easily d e g e n e r a t e i n t o s o p h o m o r i c sentim e n t a l i t y a n d s e l f - a g g r a n d i z e m e n t . (Few p o e t s h a v e m o r e assiduously g u a r d e d against such a d e v e l o p m e n t t h a n d i d F r o s t in h i s p r i m e . ) T h e p o e m is n o t " a b o u t " t h e t h i n g s h e l d m o s t sacred o r even "about" t h e feeling of h o l d i n g somet h i n g s a c r e d . T h e p o e m is w h a t is h e l d m o s t s a c r e d . W h a t it is t h a t m a k e s p o e t r y m o s t s a c r e d is shown t o u s i n t h e e x p e r i e n c e o f "saying" t h e lines. H o w c o u l d it b e

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o t h e r w i s e ? I t is p o e t r y , n o t a d e s c r i p t i o n o f p o e t r y , t h a t is h e l d s a c r e d . T h e v o i c e h a v i n g " c r a c k e d " a n d t h e risk h a v i n g b e e n t a k e n i n a l l o w i n g p a s s i o n t o b e h e a r d a n d felt i n t h e first p e r s o n voice o f t h e s p e a k e r , t h e g r o u n d is l a i d f o r t h e e l e g a n t m e t a p h o r t h a t follows: But why declare T h e things f o r b i d d e n that while t h e Customs slept I h a v e c r o s s e d t o Safety with? F o r I a m T h e r e , A n d w h a t I would n o t p a r t with I have kept. T h e r e is a lyricism t o t h e final s t a n z a (after it " b r e a k s o p e n " ) t h a t allows u s t o e x p e r i e n c e " w h a t I myself h a v e h e l d . " W h a t h a s b e e n w i t h h e l d from T i m e , w h a t h a s b e e n k e p t alive t h r o u g h t h e e n t i r e t y o f t h e s p e a k e r ' s life d e s p i t e t h e " w e a t h e r i n g " effects o f a g e a n d loss (wryly a l l u d e d t o i n t h e first two s t a n z a s ) is t h e m a k i n g o f p o e t r y . A t this p o i n t , t h e i r o n i c , d e t a c h e d t o n e o f t h e first two s t a n z a s is r e t r o s p e c t i v e l y t r a n s f o r m e d a b i t as it is e x p e r i e n c e d as a false b r a v a d o t h a t m a s k s a s a d n e s s t h e s p e a k e r feels f o r w h a t h a s b e e n lost i n t h e c o u r s e o f life. I n t h e final s t a n z a , t h e i m a g e r y t o o h a s s h i f t e d from a (somewhat hackneyed) personification of T i m e as l e v e l e r o f m o u n t a i n s , t o T i m e ( a g e ) as t h e s l e e p i n g c u s t o m s official p a s t w h o m t h e s p e a k e r , u n d e t e c t e d , c a r r i e s w h a t is m o s t i m p o r t a n t t o h i m . T h e i m a g e r y is n o t o n l y less a b s t r a c t , it is i d i o s y n c r a t i c , a p e r s o n a l c r e a t i o n t h a t is alive a n d b r e a t h e s i n t h e t e m p o o f t h e

Listening: Three Frost Poems

263

m u s i c o f t h e w o r d s . F o r e x a m p l e , t h e r e is in t h e t h i r d l i n e o f t h e last s t a n z a a n e x t r a u n s t r e s s e d syllable t h a t slows t h e p a c e o f t h e l i n e a n d h e l p s t o c r e a t e i n t h e lang u a g e t h e s e n s e o f c a u t i o n a n d d a n g e r as t h e f i g u r e in t h e m e t a p h o r q u i e t l y slips p a s t t h e s l e e p i n g C u s t o m s officer. I n t h e f o l l o w i n g l i n e , t h e s e n t e n c e s o m e w h a t a w k w a r d l y e n d s m i d l i n e w i t h a p r e p o s i t i o n : "I h a v e c r o s s e d t o safety w i t h . " T h e s o u n d o f t h e w o r d s , with their own imperfect tempo, contributes to the creation o f a s e n s e o f p e r s o n a l time ( o r d i n a r y a n d yet immensely powerful) that replaces the impersonal T i m e t h a t o c c u p i e s t h e first two stanzas. T i m e , d e e p l y p e r s o n a l time, t h a t is b e i n g c r e a t e d in t h e l a n g u a g e o f t h e final s t a n z a is t h e time with w h i c h we s t r u g g l e i n o u r efforts t o r e m a i n g e n u i n e l y alive a n d n o t s i m p l y livi n g . A l t h o u g h time is by n o m e a n s d e f e a t e d i n this p o e m , t h e rhythms a n d cadences of t h e p o e m are themselves evidence that a p o e m , a poet, a r e a d e r of p o e t r y m i g h t " d o s o m e t h i n g w i t h time" w h e n u s i n g it t o create t h e t e m p o s of music o r poetry or speech o r t h e t e m p o o f t h e s h a p e o f a life. T o b o r r o w f r o m W i l l i a m J a m e s (1890, p p . 2 4 5 2 4 6 ) , t h e o p e n i n g p a r t o f t h e final s t a n z a m i g h t b e t h o u g h t o f as t h e c r e a t i o n / e x p r e s s i o n o f a "feeling o f b u t " ("But why declare the things forbidden") that b e c o m e s i n t h e c l o s i n g l i n e s o f t h e p o e m as " f e e l i n g o f for" a n d a "feeling of with."

For I am There, A n d w h a t I w o u l d n o t p a r t with I h a v e k e p t .

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T h e f e e l i n g o f "with" t h a t is c r e a t e d in t h e s e final l i n e s o f t h e p o e m is m u c h q u i e t e r t h a n w h a t p r e c e d e s it. T h e r e is a s e n s e t h a t as t h e s p e a k e r h a s a g e d ( a n d as t h e p o e m h a s b e e n r e a d ) , a g r e a t d e a l , b u t n o t everyt h i n g h a s b e e n lost: " A n d w h a t I w o u l d n o t p a r t w i t h I h a v e k e p t . " T h e "feeling o f w i t h " c a r r i e s a s e n s e o f a c a l m , b u t vital c o n n e c t i o n w i t h , as o p p o s e d t o a triu m p h o v e r , time. T h e r e c a n b e n o t r i u m p h s w h e n it comes to time. T h e . t h r e e F r o s t p o e m s t h a t I h a v e d i s c u s s e d differ gready from o n e a n o t h e r in their form a n d t h e aspect o f t h e h u m a n e x p e r i e n c e that e a c h addresses. A n d yet t h e r e is a p o w e r f u l u n i t y t h a t u n d e r l i e s t h e i r differe n c e s . E a c h of t h e s e p o e m s ( o r r a t h e r t h e r e a d e r ' s e x p e r i e n c e o f e a c h p o e m ) is t h e living e v e n t t h a t t h e p o e m addresses, w h e t h e r that be a particular experie n c e o f t h e love o f m a k i n g a n d l i s t e n i n g t o p o e t r y , o r t h e struggle for a n d against words to b e a r witness to u n s p e a k a b l e e x p e r i e n c e , o r t h e effort t o k e e p alive i n o n e s e l f w h a t is h e l d m o s t s a c r e d o v e r t h e c o u r s e o f a life. I n e a c h i n s t a n c e , t h e p o e m is n o t a b o u t a n e x p e r i e n c e ; t h e life o f t h e p o e m is t h e e x p e r i e n c e .

R e f e r e n c e s

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I n d e x

Acting-in, 86 Aliveness in analysis, 4-6, 8,23,146-147 examples of, 26-63 need to restore, 103 experience of, 15-19 in language, 12-13, 204, 229-230 lack of, 219-224 patient's attempts at, 52-53 in poetry, 241 and risk taking, 100-101 Altman, L., 138 on Freud's fundamental rule, 129 Amnions, A.R. on living language, 5 on usefulness of poetry, 236 Analysand. 5ee also Intersubjective analytic third

and ownership of dreams, 140-141 privacy of, 129-131 Analysis, 7-9, 219 analysand's shaping of, 3642, 45-49 of dreams, 137-154 essential elements of, 17, 111,116-118 fantasies of ideal, 45-49, 5253, 223 feeling unheard in, 14-15 language for, 201-231 of perversion, 67-104 quality of, 4-7, 23 aliveness vs. deadness in, 23, 34-35 rules of, 45, 129 in example of perversion, 75-76 fundamental, 119-131

278 Analysis (continued) use of couch in, 110-119 using reveries in, 76-77, 157-197 Analyst. See also Intersubjective analytic third; Reveries death of, 10-11 feeling of deadness, 124-128 freedom to think, 24-25 and fundamental rule of analysis, 132-133 language of, 217-224 process notes of, 43-44 realness of, 11-12,25 Analytic objects, 79, 87 as reaction to emotional deadness, 29, 31,6263 reveries as, 161-162 Anger toward analyst, 56-59,166168 in transference-countertransference, 184 Anxiety about connectedness, 57 analyst's, 93-94 and emotional deadness, 28-29, 31 interpretation of, 148-151 in reveries, 77-80 transference-countertransference, 217 and use of couch, 115 Autism, as personality component, 54-62

Index Autistic shapes, created with language, 229 Balint, M., 211 Baranger, M., on analytic third, 109 Bion, W.R. on analytic objects, 29, 79, 162 on analytic process, 47 on projective identifications, 24 on reverie, 9, 76, 108, 133, 137, 157 on understanding, 208 Blechner, M., on dreams, 141 Bollas, C , 25 Bonime, W., 138 Boredom of analyst, 46,145-149 and lack of sexuality, 178179 Borges, J.L., 23 Boyer, L.B. on reverie, 158 on telling of dreams, 151 Britton, R., on lack of aliveness, 99 BrodskyJ., 235, 238 Brower, R., 206-208, 236 Casement, P., 25 Chasseguet-Smirgel.J. on existing outside laws, 101 on lies, 102 on perversion, 70-71 on sexuality, 92

Index Chinatown, 72, 91 Coltart, N. on analyst's freedom to think, 24-25 on analytic process, 161 on laughing at patient's jokes, 49 on silence, 130 Consultations/supervisions interpretations in, 50-52 need for, 15 using process notes in, 4344 Contempt, 36, 41, 196 Control/power, 176-177, 186 and impotence, 90 and isolation, 55-59 Couch, use of, 110-119 Countertransference, 27. See also Transferencecountertransference analysis of, 78-79 as part of total situation, 47 and realness of analyst, 25 Curiosity about analyst, 47-48, 57-59 and emotional deadness, 29 Deadness, emotional, 3-4. See also Aliveness in analysis, 24,124-128 causes of, 25, 54-62 in dreams of paralysis, 85-86 enactment of, 27-29 fear of, 97 perversion as defense against, 68-71,83,92-93

279 Death, of analyst, 10-11 Defenses character, 44 against connectedness, 5758,62 against deadness, 29, 31, 37-38, 69-71, 83, 87 interference by, 216-217 in narratives, 210-211 perverse, 69-71,83, 87 radical psychic disconnection as, 87-90 range of, 97-98 ruminations as, 177-178 therapist's, 29, 31,44 Dependence, on therapist, vs. warmth, 55, 57 Disconnection from other people, 58-59 from own narratives, 87, 170, 194 psychic, 87-90 and psychic absence, 210-211 and psychic numbing, 186187 Dreaded event, 85-86 Dreams, 80-81, 137-154, 174176,179-180 Duncan, R., 142 Eliot, T.S., 239 Embarrassment about voyeurism, 81-86, 94— 95 fear of, 180,195 Emerson, R.W., on language, 219

280 Emotional deadness. See Aliveness; Deadness, emotional Emotions, lack of, 33-34 Enactment of deadness, 27-29 of fantasies, 100 of transference, 99, 115 Engagement, in analysis, 215 Envy, of parental intercourse, 99-100 Epstein, G., 129 Etchegoyen, H., 138 on Freud's fundamental rule, 120 Excitement and need to be noticed, 8788 search for, 100-102 and transference-countertransference, 37,70-71 and voyeurism, 82, 83-86 vs. deadness of sexuality, 92-93,96 Experience and aliveness, 15-19, 264 fluidity of, 246-247 of intersubjective analytic third, 110 limitations to, 181-182, 196-197 reducing, 216-217 self-imposed, 18-19 and uses of language, 4-6, 205-207, 219, 225-226 Experimentation, in analysis, 7-9

Index Fantasies ofanalyst,36,78,186 about patient, 164-165, 182-183 of ideal analysis, 45-48 involvement in, 91-92 paranoid-schizoid, 59-60 of parental intercourse, 83, 99-100,102 in perversion, 75-76, 78 Faulkner, W., 19 Faust (Goethe), 15-18 Feelings, lack of, 33-34 Fenichel, O., on use of couch in analysis, 115 Flannery.J., on reverie, 158 Frank, A., on use of couch in analysis, 115 Frayn, D., on reverie, 158 Free associations. See also Reveries of analyst, 149-150 and dreams, 138-139, 151154 as fundamental rule of analysis, 45-46,132133 French, T., 138 Freud, S. on dreams, 138,151, 153 on elements of psychoanalysis, 111-112 fundamental rule of, 108, 119-120,123,132-133 on listening, 12, 113 on psychic disconnection, 87

Index on transference, 227 on the unconscious, 68, 109-110,118,215 Fromm, E., 138 Frost, R., 153, 163 on ear training, 209 on living speech, 3, 6, 12-14 poems of, 236-264 Fundamental rule of analysis, 119-133 Gaddini, E., 182 Galler, F., 120 Garma, A., 138 Gill, M., on Freud's fundamental rule, 129' Goethe,J.W., on experience of aliveness,15-18 Goldberger, M., on use of couch in analysis, 115 Gray, P., 138-139 Green, A , 161 on analytic objects, 29, 79, 162 on analytic third, 109 on emotional deadness, 25 Greenson, R., 138 on Freud's fundamental rule, 122 Grotstein, J., 117 as analysand, 208 on dreams, 141, 188 "Home Burial" (Frost), 247258 Hopelessness, 87,100, 173-174

281 Humanness. See also Inhumanness and defenses, 216-217 increasing, 15-17,109, 121 and language, 208-209 "I Could Give All to Time" (Frost), 258-264 Idealization, 52-53 Imagination of listeners, 13-14 need for, 3 Inhumanness, and disconnection, 58-60, 90 Intellectualization, as defense, 97-98 Internal object world, 112, 154 analyst's, 188-190 reproduction of in analysis, 223-224 Internalization, of depressed mother, 25 Interpretation of Dreams, The (Freud), 119-120 Interpretations, 71 by analysand, 175, 221-223 from analyst's experiences, 158-159 deferring, 46, 49-50 in different schools of analysis, 220-221 of dreams, 138-139,151^152 hidden intents in, 147-150, 165 pseudo, 175, 183-184 responses to, 57, 62, 85-86, 191-192

282 Interpretations (continued) in transference-countertransference dynamic, 167-169 using reveries in, 132, 160 Intersubjective analytic third, 9-11,29-31,109-110 creation of, 24, 116-119 dreams as, 139—154 as essential element of psychoanalysis, 111, 116-119 and ownership of reveries, 159-160 and perversion of transference-countertransference, 68-70, 103-104 purposes of, 63, 223-224 unconscious, 78-80,188-191 Isakower, O., on analyst's consciousness, 140 Isolation, 88 benefits of, 55-56,122, 192 created with language, 229230 ernpathywith, 172-173,175, 187 Jacobson.J., on use of couch in analysis, 115 James, H., 207-208, 220 on art of fiction, 7, 8 language of, 211-214 James, W., 186 on use of language, 6, 225227,263

Index Jarrell, R, on Frost's poetry, 237-238 on reverie, 158 Jokes, analyst laughing at analysand's, 49-50 Jones, A , 250 Joseph, B., 214 on perversion, 71 on transference, 47,97,130, 227 Khan, M.M.R. on dreams, 153 on lack of aliveness, 99 on perversion, 70 * Klein, M., 227 on lack of aliveness, 99 on transference, 47, 97, 227 Klein, S., on autistic components, 54 Language aliveness of, 3-6 for analysis, 11-15, 201-231 effects created with, 225230,235-264 for verbalizing internal object world, 112 Latent content. See Manifest vs. latent content Lawrence, D.H., on consciousness, 224 Leavis, F.R., 209 Lebovici, S., 161 Lewin, B., on analyst's consciousness, 140

Index LichtenbergJ., 120 on use of couch in analysis, 115 Listening analysis as, 12, 113 to poems, 235-264 Loewald, H., on countertransference, 78 Loneliness and awareness of isolation, 172-173,175,187-188 defenses against, 87-88 sadness about, 40, 42 Love in analyst/analysand relationship, 59—61 lack of feeling of, 34 recognition of, 180,195 Lustmann, S., 138 Malcolm, R on analytic relationship, 214 on perversion, 67, 71 Manifest vs. latent content, 7274, 90-91 of dreams, 138-139 of reveries, 160 McDougall, J. on enactments, 100 on lack of aliveness, 99 on sexuality, 70 Meaning creation of, 218 by analyst, 31-33, 37-38, 42 out of reveries, 160-161 of dreams, 153

283 through usages of language, 214-215 Meares, R., 25 Meltzer, D. on lack of aliveness, 99 on perversion, 67, 71 Mitchell, S., 25 Mortality, inability of people to experience, 18 "Most of It, The" (Frost), 239241 Narratives, 170, 228 cleverness of, 74-76,91, 9596 defenses in, 210-211 pointless, 28-29, 31-32 as retelling a life, 96-97 Numbness, psychic. See Psychic numbness Observation/voyeurism embarrassment about, 78, 81-85 eroticism in, 94-95 and need to be noticed, 8788 Ogden, T. on analytic objects, 29, 79 on analytic relationship, 214 on analytic third, 30, 69-70, 108, 109,137, 141142,159, 223 on austic components, 54,61 on autistic shapes, 229 on countertransference, 7879

284 on desire, 102 on dialectically constituted psychoanalysis, 131 on isolation, 122 on process notes, 43 on reverie, 123 on transference, 47, 76, 97 on transference-countertransference, 90, 99 Omnipotence, 55-59 analyst's, 166 and perversion, 70-71 O'Shaughnessy, E., on lack of aliveness, 99 Peltz, R., on analyst's dreams, 143 Perceptions, distinguishing reality of, 40-41 Perverse individuals analysis of, 67-104 and deals with selves, 17-18 Phillips, A , 7 Physical symptoms as avoidance of thought, 88 as response to patients, 182183 Poirier, R. and Brower, 206-207, 236 on Frost's poetry, 237-238 Pontalis.J.B., 153 Portrait of a Lady (James), 211-214 Power, 176-177,186 and impotence, 90 and isolation, 55-59 Principles of Psychology (James), 225-227

Index Pritchard, W., 238 on ear training, 209 Privacy, in analytic process, 121-124 importance of, 125W128, 154 for reveries, 158-159 and use of couch, 110-115, 117-118 Process notes, contents of, 4344, 47-48 Projection, and impersonal anger, 57 Projective identification, 24, 42, 223 Psychic disconnection, radical, 87-90. See also Disconnection Psychic numbness analyst's, 186-188 reveries in, 171-172 Psychopathology as collapse of dialectical tension, 124 as self-limitation of aliveness, 18-19 Rangell, L., 138 Reality distinguishing, 40-^11 isolation from, 100-101 uncertainty about, 192 Realness vs. neutrality, 25 Recognition, moment of, 5960, 81-82, 98 Relationships analytic, 59-61, 214

Index emotional deadness in, 5462 Resignation, to status quo, 165-166 Resistance as element of psychoanalysis, 111 over saying everything, 129131 Retelling a life, 96-97. See also Narratives Reveries, 9, 93,107,187. See also Free associations allowing unconscious, 112115,132-133 dreams in, 153 in example of perversion, 76-77 maintaining, 50, 53, 123128, 154 recording in process notes, 47-48 and use of couch in analysis, 117-119 uses of, 62-63, 157-197 Rilke, R.M., 107 Sadness, 196-197 identifying, 181 reaching through deadness, 39-40, 42 Sandler, J. on dreams, 141 on use of unconscious, 88 Schafer, R., on retelling a life, 96

285 Searles, H., on role of analysand, 189 Secrets, effect of having, 91-92 Segal, H., 138 Sexuality, 99 adult vs. immature, 73-74, 82, 91-92,95 promiscuity, 87-88 in reveries, 178-179 in transference-countertransference, 36-38, 70-71,93-94 Shared mental space, of analyst and analysand, 9 11. See also Intersubjective analytic third Sharpe, E., 138 Silence benefits of, 123, 185 and interpretations, 85-86 and lack of, 75 toleration of, 97 transference through, 130 "Silken Tent, The" (Frost), 241-247 Sound and the Fury, The (Faulkner), 19 Spillius, E.B., on analytic relationship, 214 Spontaneity in interpretation of dreams, 151-152 lack of, 75-76, 95-96, 124128 loss of, 183-184 maintaining, 46, 48,50-53 vs. cleverness, 93

Index

286 Status quo resignation to, 165-166 upsetting, 219 Steiner, J., on Oedipus myth, 94 Stevens, W., on silence, 218 Stewart, H., 25 Stories. See Narratives Strachey, J., on transference, 217 Symbolization, and reveries, 161 Symington, N. on analyst's freedom to think, 24-25 on analytic process, 47 Termination, of analysis, 9-10, 35, 228 Thought/thinking, 71,97 absence of, 88, 90, 93 analyst's freedom to, 24-25 Transference as essential element, 111 through silence, 130 as total situation, 47, 97, 227 and use of couch, 115 Transference-counter-: transference, 166 anxiety in, 150-151,217 eroticism in, 93-94 fantasies in, 36,182-183 internal objects reproduced in,223-224 language in, 211, 228-229 and loss of spontaneity, 184, 220 and perversion, 67-104

and privacy, 125-128 as total situation, 47 Trilling, L., 238 Truth; vs. lie, 102-103 Tustin, F. on autistic components, 54,60 on autistic shapes, 229 Unconscious allowing reveries of, 112115,117-119,132-133 and dreams, 138, 141-142, 153 and intersubjective analytic third, 109-112 ' receptivity in, 9 reveries, 187-188 and usages of language, 214-215 Unheard, feeling/being, 14-15 Whitman, W. on analyst's dreams, 143 on reading, 6 Winnicott, D.W., 128,141 on analyst's dreams, 143 on analytic process, 10,120122,207 on dreaded event, 86 on intersubjective state, 24, 159-160 on privacy, 130 on psychotherapy, 117 Withdrawal, of analysand, 14 Zweibel, R., on analyst's dreams, 143