Only His Heart

ONLY HIS HEART

…Matt pulled Calvin’s tighty-whities down to his knees where he’d left his pants. The man’s beautiful thick, red cock slapped him on the cheek. “Wow, that’s a thing of beauty,” he murmured. Calvin laughed, drawing Matt’s gaze to the man’s beautiful face. Calvin was looking down at him, his cheeks flushed pink, his plump lips begging to be kissed. And damn, Matt wanted to devour them…him. But first, he wanted the cock. He lapped up the pre-cum on the tip. Closing his eyes, he opened his mouth over the fat head, sucking gently. His hands moved to Calvin’s round ass, massaging the soft, warm skin there and briefly distracting him with thoughts of thrusting deep and hard between those cheeks. The image flashed through his head and he very nearly stopped to get up and do just that. He pushed it aside, for only a short time, and sucked Calvin’s cock in earnest, pushing it farther into his mouth. Little whimpers escaped Calvin’s lips, and his hands slipped into Matt’s hair, holding him there. His hips moved, fucking Matt’s mouth. Matt stuck a finger in his mouth as he sucked, liberally wetting it, and then scooted it around to Calvin’s hole, pressing in. “Matt.” Calvin groaned. Fuck. The sound of his name in that voice from those lips caused his own erection to push so painfully on his boxers, he reached down and blindly unzipped his slacks, pulling out his hard dick. “Matt, God, please, fuck me.” He needed no second invitation…

ALSO BY S HAWN LANE At Long Last The Best Gift Car Wash It’s Only Make-Believe Jake’s Regret A Knight For All Lawyers In Love Most Likely To Succeed Only For Him Only In His Dreams The Other Side Pulling Away Sorcerer’s Lover Sorcerer’s Lover II The Squire Still The One Sweet Reunion Ticket To Ride Until The End Of Time

ONLY HIS HEART BY SHAWN LANE

AMBER Q UILL PRESS, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com

ONLY HIS HEART AN AMBER QUILL PRESS BOOK This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental. Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review. Copyright © 2010 by Shawn Lane ISBN 978-1-60272-692-5 Cover Art © 2010 Trace Edward Zaber

Layout and Formatting provided by: Elemental Alchemy

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

ONLY HIS HEART

CHAPTER 1 Matt Walton was having a pretty decent second day. Sure his feet hurt. Whose wouldn’t when they hadn’t been allowed much rest in the last forty-eight hours? Finally, he had a few moments to take a lunch. He glanced around the basement cafeteria. Only a handful of people were there, not surprising as it was close to one in the morning. He didn’t recognize any of them, but it was only his second twelve-hour shift. Matt walked over to the food area and decided on a small salad and a slice of peach pie along with a cup of coffee. As he approached the register, he couldn’t help but notice a pretty young thing sitting by himself at a table in the corner drinking something out of a Styrofoam cup, his eyes downcast. The young man was dressed in scrubs and Matt figured he was probably an orderly or a 1

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lab tech. Even as he was paying at the register he couldn’t keep from staring at the pretty young man. He was just Matt’s type. Matt, who had come out as a teen, didn’t bother to hide his sexual orientation from anyone. He was out and proud and had participated in a number of gay pride events. And this kid was seriously hot. Damn, he hadn’t been hit with such a wave of lust across a room like this in…a long fucking time. Everything about him was gorgeous. His dark sandy blond hair, the porcelain skin, and those big pouty lips. Matt wondered what color eyes he had. He would guess blue. No reason not to find out. He took his tray and walked to the corner table. He was really hoping this beautiful man was gay. Probably not, knowing Matt’s luck, but he could dream. “Hey, kid, is this seat taken?” he asked as he stopped at the table. The pretty young thing, who had blue eyes Matt noticed when he looked up, gave him the coldest look he’d ever seen. He stared daggers is how it was referred to, and lesser men would no doubt have been felled by it. “That would be Dr. Lassiter to you…nurse.” Matt’s jaw dropped. Whoa, this was Dr. Lassiter? Since the moment he began his day yesterday the other members of the nursing staff had warned him about Calvin Lassiter. Biggest prick you’ll ever meet, as cold and arrogant as they come , and even guy is an ice queen. This reminded Matt that when the nurse who said that about the doctor found out Matt was gay, she’d apologized all over herself, saying she hadn’t meant anything bad. Dr. Lassiter was gay, though, which is how he got the nickname. “Sorry, doctor. Can I sit anyway?” 2

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Dr. Lassiter didn’t respond, he just raised his cup to his stunning lips and took a sip. Shrugging, Matt sat across from him and stuck his hand out. “Matt Walton.” “I know who you are.” He didn’t take Matt’s hand. “You almost ran me over today in the parking lot with your motorcycle.” “That was you?” “You really ought to drive more carefully in a hospital parking lot. We don’t need any more patients.” “You walked in front of me and I was barely able to swerve to avoid,” Matt angrily retorted. “Maybe you should watch where you are walking.” The doctor sighed. “Even if I did, there will be lots of people in the parking lot doing the very same thing. Families visiting loved ones. I’m sure as a nurse you don’t want to be responsible for running over some child coming to visit a sick mother, do you?” His jaw tightening, Matt nodded. “Okay, point taken. I’ll slow down.” Dr. Lassiter’s full lips curved up in a slight smile that was too damn adorable for such a jerk. He hated being a sucker for a pretty face. “I have to say, Walton, I’m kind of surprised.” “At?” He shrugged. “I would think someone who is a nurse, one working in an emergency room, no less, wouldn’t be so careless as to ride a motorcycle.” Okay, now the good doc was sounding like his mother. “I’m a safe driver,” Matt replied in a tone to match Lassiter’s. One blond brow rose. “Even so, car drivers may not be so safe. I’ve seen too many motorcycle accident victims here not to be 3

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concerned.” Matt tapped his fingers loudly on the table, realized he was doing it, and hid his hand in his lap. “So, doctor, you don’t see car accidents, too? Just motorcycles?” “Of course I see both.” “Hmm, so do you tell all the staff you’re surprised they drive cars?” “No.” To Matt’s delight, Calvin Lassiter turned a light shade of pink. Unfortunately, it made him even more appealing, damn it. “Okay, then, I appreciate your concern and I’ll be sure to be more careful driving through the hospital parking lot.” He stabbed his fork into the salad. Then something occurred to him. He looked up, staring. “You look kind of familiar. Have we met?” “No, you probably recognize me from when you nearly killed me.” He ignored that and stuffed a bite in his mouth. “No, it’s something…Lassiter. I’ve heard that name before.” He tilted his head to the side, studying the sexy doc. “Wait, I know.” Lassiter scowled when others in the room looked their way. “Keep your voice down.” “Yeah, yeah, whatever. I remember now. I should have thought about it yesterday when the other nurses were talking about you.” That got him another icy glare. “And what were they saying?” He felt himself heat in a blush this time. He cleared his throat. “How great a doctor you were. A-anyway, I guess I didn’t connect it then, but now that I see you, it makes sense.” “I’m glad to hear it. What?” “You have a brother named Barnaby, don’t you?” Dr. Lassiter grimaced. “Former lover?” 4

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“What? No.” “You looked sort of like his type. His old type, I should say.” Matt wondered what type he looked like, but decided to let that pass, at least for the moment. “My stepbrother is Nathan Llewellyn.” Matt’s stepbrother, Nathan, had brought his new boyfriend, Barnaby, along for a family gathering about a month ago. He’d been surprised because he thought Nathan went for stuffy lawyers just like himself, not pretty boys in makeup. He had to admit Barnaby was very attractive, but Matt thought his brother, Calvin, was even more beautiful. “Right. I do seem to recall Nathan mentioning a stepbrother who is a nurse. I don’t think he ever mentioned your name.” Matt nodded. “Yeah, we aren’t very close. We see each other maybe twice a year at family things. His father married my mother several years ago and we share some half-siblings.” “Hmm.” Silence descended over the table and Matt felt the need to break it. “So, you and your brother are both gay?” Lassiter stiffened and pushed aside his Styrofoam cup and stood. “I don’t discuss my private life with the nursing staff. If you’ll excuse me, I need to get back.” Matt turned and watched the doctor walk away. Apparently his fellow nurses had been right. Calvin Lassiter was not the friendly sort. He finished his lunch, cleaned up, and prepared to return to work. As soon as he got back to the emergency room, Matt got busy all over again and almost forgot about Dr. Lassiter, even though he saw him several times working on patients with other nurses. He didn’t get a moment to breathe again until his shift was 5

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nearly over, close to seven in the morning. He leaned against a wall, closing his eyes briefly. “Rough night, huh?” Matt opened his eyes to see another nurse, Valerie, smiling in sympathy at him. “Yeah, I’m exhausted. And starving, too.” “You didn’t get a lunch?” “Several hours ago I had a salad down in the cafeteria. Food was all right, the company not so much.” “Don’t tell me the female nurses are already bugging you?” Matt laughed. “Nah, nothing so frightening. I made the mistake of introducing myself to Dr. Lassiter.” “Oh.” She nodded. “Guy’s just as bad as everyone said.” Valerie’s expression was one of vague uneasiness. “Uh, sorry, is he a friend?” She sighed. “Not exactly. Look, I’m not saying he’s warm and fuzzy or anything, but he had a really bad night. He lost a patient. Motorcycle accident victim brought here in full cardiac arrest. He couldn’t save him.” Matt’s gut twisted. He felt like the biggest jerk all of a sudden. “I didn’t know.” Valerie patted his arm. “You’re almost off. Lucky you. See you tonight?” Matt was due back in for his next twelve hour shift at seven that night. “Yeah, thanks.” When his shift ended, he headed outside. The morning was overcast and he seemed to recall they had predicted rain later that night. He was about to head out to where he’d parked his motorcycle when he spotted Dr. Lassiter coming outside. 6

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The sexy doc had changed from his scrubs into tailored beige pants and a maroon button-down shirt. Even more beautiful if that were possible. “Hey, doc, you going home, too?” Lassiter jumped. Matt grinned. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” “You didn’t scare me, just startled me.” “I wanted to apologize.” The doctor frowned. “For?” “I didn’t know about the…you know, the patient. I’ve had patients die on me, too. Once a little boy who I’d been caring for in the critical care unit passed when I went off shift. It was horrible.” Dr. Lassiter nodded, but didn’t respond. He looked away and then up at the sky. Matt watched him for a second, just gazing at the pure male beauty. Then, he cleared his throat. “I was gonna grab some breakfast. Want to join me?” He lowered his gaze and those blue eyes focused on him. “Aren’t you tired?” “Sure. I intend to go to bed at some point, but right now, my stomach needs to be taken care of. There’s a diner just around the corner.” Matt had noticed it yesterday. “Meet me there?” “I—” “You need to eat, don’t you?” Lassiter nodded. “All right. I’ll see you there.” “Okay, good.” Matt waved and headed toward his motorcycle, looking back once to see the doctor heading toward physician parking. He wondered if the good doc would actually join him or if he just agreed with the intention to blow Matt off. He hoped it was the former. 7

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CHAPTER 2 Calvin didn’t know why he drove into the parking lot of Benji’s Diner. For one thing, he didn’t think much of the food there, and for another he didn’t like Matt Walton. Not at all. Perhaps the night had been too hard on him. Calvin had lost patients before. But it never got easier. Not for him. And this one had been a young man who’d reminded him of his brother, Barnaby. He’d been about Barnaby’s age, too. His chest had caved in from the accident. Calvin could still hear his mother’s inconsolable wails. He could never be a doctor who viewed patients as faceless, nameless people. Perhaps it would be easier that way, but Calvin didn’t do easy. Calvin pulled into a space, turned off his car and got out. Matt, 8

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who had already arrived ahead of him, speeding no doubt, had parked his cycle and was standing by it. He watched the man walk toward the entrance of the diner, his faded jeans obscenely hugging his lower body. On the upper half he wore a simple white T-shirt, although it looked almost painted on, and over that a beat up leather bomber jacket. The last thing he needed was to be sitting down to breakfast with some hotshot dark-haired bad boy with eyeliner, chocolate eyes, and muscular arms like tree trunks. He had silver studs all up and down the cartilage of both ears, too. Barnaby would approve. Calvin did not. “Hey, I wasn’t sure you’d come,” Matt said as he met Calvin at the door. He held it open for Calvin who stepped through and told the hostess there were two of them. He followed after the gum-chewing teenaged girl to a cracked and peeling booth in the corner. “Your waitress will be with you in a moment,” she declared and then sauntered off toward the entrance. Matt sat across from him and smiled his man-eater smile, flashing white teeth and dimples, for God’s sake. How irritating. “I’m starved. How about you?” Matt asked as he picked up his stained menu. “Says here Benji’s has been here since nineteen forty-two.” “Yes, I think the menus are original.” The waitress, a middle-aged skinny African-American woman named Betty came up to their booth. “Coffee?” “That would be great,” Matt said enthusiastically. “Don’t bet on it. Tea. Green, if you have it.” Betty looked down her nose at him. “Dr. Lassiter, you know we 9

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don’t have that.” “I haven’t given up hope that if I request it enough times you’ll get a clue and start carrying it.” “Don’t bet on it,” she mocked him. “Lipton?” He sighed. “Yes.” “Be right back.” Matt studied him curiously. “They seem to know you here.” “Twenty-four hour diner near a hospital. Yeah, everyone comes here at some point. They’ll know you before long, too.” “What are you going to have, Dr. Lassiter?” Matt pushed a strand of his jaw-length hair behind his ear. “You may as well call me Calvin.” “Oh, okay.” Matt grinned. “Outside of the hospital anyway.” He didn’t expect to see much of Matt outside the hospital, of course. “The one egg breakfast with bacon.” “I think I’m going to have the Big Man breakfast.” Calvin wasn’t the least bit surprised. The Big Man, which had been offered at Benji’s for many decades, consisted of three eggs, bacon and sausage, hash browns, and pancakes. “You must work out if you eat like that every day.” Matt nodded. “I do and I don’t. Meaning, I do work out, but I don’t eat like that every day.” Betty returned with their drinks and took their orders. Matt sipped his coffee and grimaced. “Not the best.” “You’ll learn to order tea.” “How long have you been at the hospital?” “Four years counting my residency.” Calvin added a packet of honey to his tea, thoughtfully brought by Betty who remembered he drank it that way. 10

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“Lucky. I’ve been trying to get in here for months.” He grimaced again and added a big dollop of cream and several packets of sugar. “I liked the hospital I was working at before, but I moved to Glendale and it was getting to be too much of a commute.” Calvin vaguely recalled most of Nathan’s family lived south of Los Angeles, including his stepbrother, and he wanted to ask Matt why he moved from Orange County to the Los Angeles area. But since he’d told Matt he didn’t discuss his private life, he could hardly be nosey with the man. “This is a great hospital with a terrific reputation. I can see why you’d want to work here.” “Definitely. You working tonight?” “No. I’ve got the next few days off. I’ve got some sleeping to catch up on.” “Yeah, and I’ll bet your boyfriend misses you,” Matt said with a sly look. Calvin couldn’t help but smile just a little at his not so covert attempt to get the information he wanted out of Calvin. “I don’t have a boyfriend.” “Oh.” Matt pretended to look mildly curious. He could tell it was a pretense. “I’m pretty sure Barnaby or Nathan said you were gay, though. Right?” He could see the man just wasn’t going to quit until he admitted his sexual orientation. “Yes, I am gay.” Matt nodded, as though satisfied. “Beautiful man like you? I’m surprised you don’t have a significant other. What’s wrong with the men in Los Angeles?” “I really don’t have time for a relationship anyway.” Betty brought their breakfasts and refilled Matt’s coffee and his 11

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hot water. “Enjoy.” Calvin mixed his over easy egg with his hash browns and added just a smidge of salt. He’d been blessed with perfect cholesterol. “What about you?” “Well, actually, I did have a boyfriend. Moved up here from Orange County to be with him. Too bad he turned out to be a cheating jerk.” Matt shrugged. “I decided to stay here anyway, get a new start.” “That’s too bad about your boyfriend.” Matt smiled a little and dug into his breakfast. He chewed several bites before he spoke again. “You know you aren’t so bad.” “Excuse me?” The other man waved his fork. “You have sort of a reputation at the hospital.” Calvin sighed. “Yes, I know.” “If you know, well, why don’t you let them know you aren’t the prick they think you are?” Matt blushed. “Um, sorry.” “Whatever. I know what they say about me. They aren’t quiet about it. I’m here to help patients who come in with injuries or illnesses, often life-threatening. I don’t care about winning popularity contests.” “Okay, I didn’t mean to upset you.” “I’m not,” Calvin insisted. He’d never found it easy to make friends. In fact, he could count on one hand how many people were actually close to him. Most of the time it didn’t bother him. “I’m glad you agreed to have breakfast with me anyway.” Matt pushed his mostly empty plate away and patted his stomach. “I’m stuffed. I’m going to go home and do some errands before I catch a few hours of sleep. I’ll be off for a couple days starting tomorrow.” Calvin picked up the check Betty had left. He pulled out his 12

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wallet and left several dollars for the tip. “I’ve got this.” “Oh, hey, thanks, but I didn’t mean for you to pay,” Matt protested. “Forget it.” Calvin moved across the booth and stood. After he paid, they headed outside. Calvin looked at the overcast sky. “Looks like rain,” Matt said. “Yes. Well, see you later.” “Matt.” Calvin frowned. “What?” Matt stepped into Calvin’s personal space. The bastard was taller than him, too. His face was so close his hot breath brushed Calvin’s cheek as he dipped his head to speak. “I want to hear you say my name.” Calvin laughed. “Please.” Matt grinned. “Okay, please, Matt. It sounds even better.” He backed up a step, but Matt pursued him. “Get real.” “Come on. If you want me to go, you have to say it.” Calvin glared and tried to move away, but Matt’s hand closed over his forearm. “Fine. Please, Matt.” Matt smiled the same man-eater smile of before. “Hmm. Definitely making progress. See you soon, Calvin.” He walked to his bike, swung a long leg over his motorcycle, and placed his helmet on his head. Calvin turned away, irritated at himself for staring at Matt. He wasn’t even attracted to him. He got in his car, picked up his cell, and hit the button for Barnaby’s work. “Hey, bro, what’s wrong?” Calvin closed his eyes. “Nothing.” 13

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“Don’t give me that. You don’t call me at work out of the blue. And your voice just cracked.” “I just wanted to hear your voice, B.” “Calvin—” “I lost a patient today. Kind of reminded me of you.” “I’m sorry. But I’m okay.” He smiled a little. “I know. How are you and Nathan doing?” “Really great. Want to come over for dinner? I’ll cook.” “You?” Calvin laughed. “Getting all domestic on me, huh?” “Yeah.” He heard the grin in his little brother’s voice and felt lighter. “Sounds good. What are you going to make?” “How about pizza. All cheese, of course.” “Of course. Okay, I’ll see you guys later. Around seven okay?” “Perfect. Bye.” Calvin hit end call and started his car. He was suddenly exhausted and looking forward to several hours of sleep. He just hoped he wouldn’t dream of bad boy nurses.

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CHAPTER 3 “Hey, Walton, rumor has it you were forced to have breakfast with Dr. Lassiter,” Rick Moore, the only other male nurse on duty that night, called to Matt as he was preparing to take his lunch. Matt stopped mid-walk and turned to the group of his fellow nurses who stood in a cluster just inside the double doors that read Patients and Medical Staff Only. Mary, Louise, and Donna stood next to Rick. This had been the group who had warned him about Calvin his first night. He cleared his throat. “Um, yeah, we did have breakfast at Benji’s. How’d you know?” Mary grinned. “Valerie saw and told us.” “Oh. Yeah, well.” He shrugged. “I don’t know how you could eat with that asshole across from 15

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you.” Rick made a face. He found himself a little annoyed. Yeah, he realized Calvin wasn’t the nicest doctor of the staff, but…still. “He’s not so bad.” “Yeah right,” Louise said with a laugh. “Oh, I get that he’s nice to look at. But that doesn’t make up for what a dick he is. How’d you get stuck having breakfast anyway?” “I asked.” Now they were staring at him like he’d lost his mind. Matt scowled. Donna smirked. “You think he’s hot, don’t you?” “Well…yeah.” “Oh, my God, you have the hots for the Ice Queen?” Rick snickered. “Sorry to disappoint you, Walton, but I don’t think Lassiter ever has sex. I mean if he was getting laid, he’d be nicer, right?” Matt said nothing, deciding he wasn’t comfortable with their assessment of Calvin. “Um, well, it’s my lunch so I’m going down to the cafeteria for a sandwich or something.” “Wait,” Rick called before he could get away. “Want to make a wager?” “A wager?” “We’ll each bet you a hundred bucks you can’t get the ice queen to sleep with you. If you lose, you owe four hundred bucks. If you win, you get it.” “Yeah,” Mary said enthusiastically. “And we should put a time limit on it, like a month.” They all nodded, smiling broadly. Really it was stupid and pretty juvenile. But as far as Matt was concerned, he wanted to pursue Calvin anyway. If these four jerks lost their money it would serve them all right. 16

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“Fine, whatever. Can I go get my lunch now?” “Sure, sure.” Rick waved. They all laughed and Matt decided maybe they were the pricks and not Calvin. *

*

*

The next day, on his day off and after some sleep, Matt took a chance and called his stepbrother, Nathan. “Llewellyn.” “It’s me.” “Who is me?” Matt sighed and sank down on his secondhand lumpy couch. “Matt.” “Matt who?” “Oh for fuck’s sake. Matt Walton, your stepbrother.” Nathan chuckled. “I knew that. I was yanking your chain.” Matt rolled his eyes. “You’ve developed a quirky side since you hooked up with Barnaby.” “Maybe so. What’s up?” “Well, I called to ask you if you have Calvin’s phone number.” There was a long pause. “Barnaby’s Calvin?” “No, Calvin Klein. Yes, Barnaby’s brother.” “I’m not sure I understand.” Matt rolled over on to his stomach. “I don’t really feel like going over it. Let’s just say we work together and I need…to call him.” Just give it to me. “All right. But Barnaby’s going to ask.” “Don’t tell him I asked and he won’t know.” Another pause and then Nathan rattled off the number. “All 17

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right, I’ve got a conference call. Say hello to our parents for me next time you talk to them.” And then Nathan was gone. Matt programmed Calvin’s number into his cell, then sat up. Now he was uneasy about actually using the number to call. He fully expected Calvin to balk at the idea of a real date. He got up and showered, and when he was done, wrapped a towel around his waist, sat on his bed and picked up the phone once more. Jabbing his finger into the speed dial number, Matt waited, breath held, as he listened to the rings. “Dr. Lassiter.” Matt swallowed, his heart hammering. “Calvin, this is Matt. Matt Walton.” No response. His palms sweating, he cleared his throat. “Are you there?” “Yes. How did you get my number?” “Nathan.” “Ah. Okay, what is it?” “I was wondering…I’m off today.” “I remember.” Matt lay down. He thought maybe it would help. “Want to maybe go somewhere with me?” Smooth, Matt. “Where?” Okay, that was not a no. “Um, dinner?” Matt could hear a sort of rustling on the other end and he was dreading Calvin saying no. He just knew he was going to. And probably with some lame excuse like he was washing his hair. He prepared himself for the disappointment. “What time?” 18

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He sat up straight. “What time?” “Yes.” “I can pick you up at six. If you give me your address that is.” “Well—” “I have a car, too. I’ll bring it,” Matt quickly said. “All right.” Matt barely had time to scramble to find a pen before Calvin was rattling off his address. “What do you like to eat?” “I’m good with just about anything.” “Chinese?” “All right. See you at six.” Matt smiled as he disconnected the call. Calvin had actually agreed. *

*

*

Matt pulled into the end of the driveway at Calvin’s modest suburban home. The good doc lived on a cozy little cul-de-sac. He’d agonized just a bit on what to wear to his first official first date with Calvin and ultimately decided on black slacks and a navy polo shirt along with his bomber jacket. He’d lined his eyes with navy eyeliner. When the door opened to reveal his date, Matt stared, more than a little in awe. Really, he didn’t think he’d seen a man more attractive, more beautiful than Calvin. Calvin had dressed in navy pants similar in style to his own slacks, but he wore a button-down navy pin-striped shirt opened at the throat. A sexy gold rope chain lay against the creamy expanse of his throat. But when he tore his gaze away from that, it was Calvin’s tooblue eyes framed by delicate gold lashes that made his breath hitch 19

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and his knees weak. And those…lips. Matt didn’t know how long he could resist those plump, kissable lips. “Hello.” Matt smiled, exhaling to calm the rapid beat of his heart. “You look fantastic.” Calvin blushed. “Um, thanks. Let me get my coat.” He returned in just a few seconds shrugging into an Armani coat. “Wow, nice coat.” His date shrugged. “A Christmas gift from my grandmother. I think she got it on eBay.” Calvin stepped outside and turned to lock his front door. When he turned around, Matt crushed his mouth over Calvin’s, unable to resist trying out those lips one second longer. They were the softest, tastiest damn lips he’d ever kissed. He pulled away before Calvin had time to protest too much. “Sorry,” he said, not sorry at all. “I’ve just been wanting those since I first saw you in the cafeteria.” Calvin didn’t answer, but his lips did turn up just a bit in a small smile. When they reached his car, he raised an eyebrow. “You? A Mercedes?” He laughed. “I know. It was my stepdad’s. He upgraded and it’s older, so he gave it to me. I rarely ever drive it because the bike gets better mileage and it’s more my image.” “Definitely,” Calvin agreed. “But there was no way I was going to ride on it.” “I know. All right, let’s be off.”

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CHAPTER 4 Calvin wondered just what he was doing as a little old Chinese lady led them to a table on the right side of the rather small Chinese restaurant Matt had chosen for their date. He couldn’t really call it anything else at this point. He had to admit, sort of, Matt had a cuteness about him. Something that was just more than his persistence. Physically, Calvin decided Matt looked pretty good. The earrings and the eyeliner were still a bit much. This was all new to Calvin. He’d never actually dated anyone he worked with. Well, really, he hadn’t been on a date since his early days of medical school. The only sex he’d had for some time had been self-applied. He’d become one of the best customers at an online adult toy store. 21

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He smiled at the old lady when she brought them a pot of tea and two little cups. Picking up his menu, Calvin glanced around. Looked like there were only two other parties eating in the restaurant. “Have you been here before?” Matt nodded. “Only for takeout though. It’s not too far from my apartment. It’s pretty decent and there aren’t any bugs.” “That you’ve seen.” Matt laughed. “Well, yeah. I figure all restaurants have some, but if they’re out in the dining area tapping me on the shoulder, well then I worry.” “So that’s your measure of a restaurant? I’ll keep that in mind.” They settled on kung pao chicken and egg foo yung and decided to stick with the hot tea to drink. “I remember Nathan said something about you and your brother being raised by your grandmother,” Matt said after the old woman left to put in their order. Calvin stiffened, but tried to force himself to relax. It was okay to talk about. “Right. She was great. Still is.” “How much older are you than Barnaby?” “Seven years.” “Well, besides my stepbrother, Nathan, I have two halfbrothers and a half-sister. And I have an older full sister.” Calvin sipped the Chinese tea. “Do you see your father still?” The other man shrugged. “Not in a while. Used to. He moved to the Midwest. We talk through emails mostly.” Matt shifted. “How—how often—do you ever?” Calvin shook his head, his gut tightening. His father had murdered their mother and was now serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole. She’d been pregnant with Barnaby at the 22

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time, who had miraculously been saved. And Calvin…he didn’t want to think about it. “No, never. When I was in my early twenties he wrote me a letter.” He poured himself another cup of tea and held the small cup in his hands, needing the comforting heat. “I didn’t read it.” “Wow. It must have been tempting to read it though.” “No, not even slightly. He can rot there.” He set the cup down. To his surprise, Matt reached out and took his hand, holding it and stroking the palm with his thumb. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to spoil our night with bad memories. “Yeah, thanks. I would rather talk about something else.” Matt smiled. “What made you decide to be a doctor?” Oh, great. “I spent some time in the hospital when I was a kid and I really came to admire the people working there,” Calvin said. He hoped Matt wouldn’t ask any questions about his hospital stay. He hurriedly asked, “What made you decide to be a nurse?” “My mom is one and I guess I just really looked up to her and wanted to help people.” “That’s a great reason.” Calvin was relieved when their food arrived. It was time to change the subject. He wasn’t really very good at date conversation, but he decided to plunge ahead rather than return to the other topic. “When did you realize you were gay?” “Pretty much as soon as I hit puberty,” Matt said, spooning out portions of both dishes on his plate. “I never could get excited over breasts.” Calvin chuckled. “I know what you mean. I was a teenager, too.” “It’s kind of interesting both you and Barnaby are gay.” 23

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He shrugged. “Yeah. I guess you like who you like. I’ve never really analyzed it too closely. My grandmother was very supportive of both of us.” “I still can’t believe you don’t have to beat off the boyfriends.” Matt shook his head. “You’re really gorgeous.” Calvin felt his cheeks heat. “No, I’m not.” “Oh, hell yeah, you are.” He rolled his eyes. “If you say so.” After they finished, and the Chinese woman brought the bill, which Matt paid, he reached for Calvin’s hand again, this time threading his fingers through Calvin’s. He liked the feel of Matt’s hand holding his. “I’m not ready to take you home quite yet. There’s a bar just around the corner, want to go there?” “No.” “No?” Calvin sighed, not happy at all about the disappointment on Matt’s face. “Look, I’m just not comfortable at bars.” The other man grinned. “You will be there. It’s not like you think. Trust me. Please?” His jaw tightening, he gave in. “Fine. Okay.” Matt leaned across the table and pecked him on the lips. It was so fast he didn’t have time to react. *

*

*

The establishment Matt drove them to was just a tiny little corner bar named Ollie’s. It was dark and quiet inside. Other than the bartender, there were only three other people besides Matt and Calvin. Soft eighties music played. 24

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Matt led them to an even darker corner booth. “What do you want to drink?” “Cabernet sauvignon.” “Be right back.” Calvin hated to admit it, but this wasn’t so terrible. Matt returned from the bar and set his wine in front of him and scooted into the booth, sitting very close to him. Calvin felt nervous, jittery. “What did you get?” he asked, eyeing the highball glass of brown liquid. “Coke.” “And?” Matt smiled. “Just Coke. I’m driving precious cargo.” Calvin rolled his eyes. “You lay it on thick.” “Yeah, I guess I do,” Matt admitted. “But you’re really hot.” He laughed at that—it was absurd. Even more absurd was the warmth that filled him at the admiration in Matt’s gaze. Matt smiled and grabbed the hand he didn’t have wrapped around the wineglass. “You should do that more often.” “What?” A shiver went up his spine as Matt’s thumb stroked the inside of his wrist. “Laugh, smile. Your whole face lights up. It’s breathtaking.” Calvin couldn’t help but laugh again. Matt was too funny. Breathtaking, indeed. Matt squeezed his hand. “Do you really not know how stunning you are? It’s hard to believe.” He shrugged. “Mostly I get told I look like a girl or like I’m a teenager. Or worst of all, a twink. Do you know how irritating that is for a man in his thirties?” The other man leaned close and brushed his lips over Calvin’s, sending shockwaves of desire through him. “I think you have the 25

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sexiest lips I’ve ever seen.” “Are you sure there’s nothing but Coke in that drink?” “Positive. Here, taste for yourself.” His lips closed over Calvin’s and before he had time to think, Matt’s tongue, with a hint of Coke, thrust inside his mouth, seeking his. The other man deepened the kiss, devouring Calvin’s lips, pushing him against the plastic of the booth. One of Matt’s hands stroked his abdomen through his shirt, the other crept toward his crotch and his hardening cock. But he didn’t do public displays, even in dark, quiet bars. Calvin gently pushed on his shoulders and then a little firmer when Matt didn’t let up. Matt broke away, but looked like he intended to dive back in. “Um, public place.” “Sorry, I really can’t resist you.” His teeth nibbled on Calvin’s bottom lip. “Hmm, maybe you aren’t trying.” Matt grinned. “Yeah, you’re right. So, babe, what do you have against bars?” “Besides being meat markets, they’re dangerous.” Babe? “Dangerous? You watching too much cold case files on cable?” “No, personal experience.” “What?” Matt scooted closer, if that were possible. Pretty soon Calvin thought one of them would be sitting in the other’s lap. His whole body quaked with arousal. He sighed. “Okay, when I was twenty-two I went to a bar with this guy who was bisexual. I didn’t really want to go out with him, but well, he was cute so I gave in. When we got there, the place was mobbed. You could barely breathe. We found a table after other people got up, but this guy was all over the cocktail waitress.” 26

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“Right in front of you?” “Yeah. I got pissed and left. I called a cab, but decided to wait outside, and while I was waiting these punks jumped me.” “Oh, God.” “Fortunately, they didn’t do much to me. They called me names and hit me a couple times, but someone was coming and they got scared off.” Calvin sighed. “I hate bars. And Barnaby goes to them all the time. Well, he did. And it used to scare the crap out of me.” “I’m sorry, Calvin. That was a bad experience. But they aren’t all bad.” Matt’s fingers brushed his jaw, turning his face to his. He lowered his head until their lips were maybe half an inch apart. “I know I’m moving really fast for you, but…can I take you home?” “Take me home?” Matt nodded. “Yeah, and would you let me stay with you?” “I-I don’t know, Matt.” Lips brushed his jaw where the fingers had caressed. “Please?” Calvin swallowed. His cock was fully hard and pushing against his pants. He had to admit he was more turned on than he’d been in a long time. This might be a really terrible mistake, but— “Okay.”

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CHAPTER 5 “I’m thinking maybe this isn’t such a good idea,” Calvin said from the passenger seat as Matt drove toward his house. Matt glanced at him and noticed he was sucking on his bottom lip. He quickly turned his attention back to the road, but, damn, that sent a jolt through his hard cock. “Why?” “I don’t have sex with guys on the first date.” “Well, this is our second date.” Calvin snorted. “How do you figure?” “I’m counting breakfast.” Matt shot him a quick grin, before once more facing front. “Right, but still, I don’t have sex on the second date either.” Matt grimaced. “How many dates do you usually go on before having sex?” 28

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“Not that there’s been a ton or anything, but for instance, I went with a guy for my entire senior year in high school without having anything more than oral sex. The summer we graduated we finally went the whole way.” Calvin sighed and shifted. “Damn.” “What?” He glanced at Calvin, who was blushing. “I realize what a dork I sound like.” Matt smiled. “Not at all. However, getting back to our own situation, you can almost call it three dates.” “How?” “The breakfast, the dinner, and the bar can all be separated.” Calvin laughed. “You’re daft.” “Maybe, but I’m desperate.” He pulled into the driveway of Calvin’s house, turned off the car, and turned to Calvin. “Listen, if you really aren’t ready to have sex with me, I’ll respect that. I don’t want to push you. But, sometimes, life is worth taking risks. How boring would life be if we never took a chance on something?” Calvin shook his head. “I don’t take chances.” “Ever?” “No.” Matt brushed a lock of Calvin’s sandy hair behind an ear. “Maybe you could now?” This was the last time he’d ask. He really didn’t want to push Calvin. He wanted the man to want him as much as Matt wanted him. Crazy, maybe, but he wanted to blow Calvin’s mind with how good it could be between them. If Calvin said no, Matt would go home and jerk off to fantasies of Calvin instead. Very slowly Calvin nodded. Matt exhaled long and loud and didn’t care that Calvin could see how relieved he was. He damn well was. His fingers moved to 29

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the back of the man’s head and drew him close for a kiss. “Wait,” Calvin said, just before Matt’s lips touched his. Forcing away disappointment, he blinked. “What?” “I don’t have any condoms.” Calvin looked stricken. “Oh.” Matt sighed and leaned his forehead against Calvin’s. “I have some in the car.” “You have condoms in the car?” He shrugged. “You never know when an emergency might come up. I have an earthquake and a first aid kit, too.” Calvin made a sort of irritated noise. “I don’t know anyone else who has an emergency sex kit.” Matt angled their faces and stole a kiss. “See how it comes in handy?” “Hmm.” “Do you have lube?” “Yes.” Matt ran his tongue along the seam of Calvin’s lips. “Excellent. Then it’s time to take this inside, don’t you think?” Calvin nodded and pulled away, opening the car door. It took Matt a moment to get his panting under control, then he opened the glove compartment, reached in and grabbed the folded strip of condoms he kept there, and got out of the car. Calvin was already at the front door turning the key in the lock. He flipped on a light in his front hallway and left the door open for Matt. When Matt stepped inside, Calvin was hanging his coat on a coat rack. He supposed he should be interested in seeing the inside of Calvin’s house, but right now all he really cared about was getting to the bedroom. He hooked his fingers into Calvin’s belt loops and pulled his 30

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ass snug against his crotch. Calvin let out a little gasp. Matt kissed Calvin just below his ear. “Bedroom?” “Um. You—don’t want a drink or something first?” “No, I just want you,” he whispered in Calvin’s ear, smiling at the goose bumps appearing on the man’s creamy bare skin. Calvin leaned back against him and tilted his head to give Matt better access to his throat. He couldn’t resist such an invitation, ran his tongue along the warm skin. His cock jumped against his briefs and he ground himself against Calvin. “Bedroom?” he repeated. “Uh-huh.” Calvin moved away and headed down the hallway, Matt following closely on his heels. When they got to the bedroom, Matt glanced around to see a queen-sized bed with a forest green quilt covering it, a computer desk with a laptop sitting on it and a chair in the corner, a plain wood dresser, a small one-drawer end table next to the bed, and one of those standing mirrors that could be flipped over to be more magnified. He paid particular notice to the mirror, thinking of some future possibilities for it. Matt frowned when Calvin’s hand went to the light switch to flip it off. “Whoa, what are you doing?” Calvin turned a light shade of red. “I thought it might be better with the light off.” “No way, I want to see you when I fuck you.” The other man moved away from the light switch, but he looked nervous and uncomfortable. “What is it?” Calvin sighed. “All right, I guess you may as well see.” His fingers went to the buttons of his shirt and he slowly started to release them. He kept the shirt closed until he got to the bottom, 31

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and then he opened it to reveal the bare skin of his chest and stomach. Matt stared at the scars slashed across Calvin’s abdomen. For a moment, he couldn’t catch his breath and he felt light-headed. “My God.” Calvin turned away, leaving his back facing Matt. “Yeah, ugly huh?” He stepped over to Calvin and wrapped his arms around his middle, pulling him tight against him. “Nothing about you is ugly. What happened?” The man in his arms let out a shaky sigh. “My father attacked both my mother and me. He came home hallucinating from bad acid. His story was he thought we were possessed by the devil.” “Calvin,” he said softly, kissing his hair. Calvin nodded. “I was just seven so I didn’t understand why my dad was stabbing me. I guess he thought he killed me because he finally left me alone. Both my mom and I were still alive when the police and ambulances came. A neighbor called when she heard our screams. Anyway, as you already know, my mom died and they saved Barnaby. I ended up surviving but I spent some time in the hospital.” He swallowed hard. “Barnaby didn’t mention you’d been attacked.” “My grandmother and I didn’t tell him. He was lucky to have been born and we told him that.” “Didn’t he wonder at your scars?” “We just told him it was an accident I had. He didn’t really question it. Maybe he guessed, I don’t know.” Calvin leaned into him. “Most of the time I try to forget it all.” He turned Calvin to face him and placed a kiss on his lips. “I’m 32

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so sorry you had to go through that. Did your grandmother get you counseling?” “Sure, for a while I talked to people. It helped some. I still had nightmares for years. Not so much anymore.” He hugged him tight. “I can’t imagine it.” Calvin nodded and pulled back. He smiled a little. “Still want to fuck me?” Matt lowered his mouth to his, kissing him deep and long until they were both breathless, and then when Calvin opened his mouth on a gasp, his tongue slipped in, tangling with his. He yanked on the sleeves of Calvin’s open shirt, pulled it off, and threw it. “Does that tell you?” His hands smoothed over Calvin’s nipples sending shivers through him. “How about that? Does that tell you?” Matt couldn’t remember wanting someone as much as he wanted Calvin at that moment. The man was the most gorgeous specimen he’d ever come across, but there was something that touched him about Calvin. From the first moment he’d seen him sitting alone in the cafeteria staring into a Styrofoam cup. And apparently, Calvin had very sensitive nipples, he realized with a grin. He bent down enough to swipe his tongue across first one and then the other, eliciting a loud moan from the trembling man. Though Matt didn’t consider himself a selfish lover, he didn’t think he was particularly generous either when it came to making sure whoever he was with had a good time. But with Calvin, he wanted to blow Calvin’s mind. And…something else, too. Leaving his teasing of Calvin’s chest somewhat reluctantly, Matt dropped to his knees. He undid Calvin’s belt and slowly unzipped his pants. He noted the man wore pristine white briefs 33

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just before he slipped his hand in and cupped the prominent erection. “Ah,” Calvin let out a deep moan that went straight to Matt’s cock. With his other hand Matt rubbed his dick through his slacks. He released his grip on Calvin’s briefs but only for the time it took to yank his pants down to his knees. Licking his lips in anticipation, Matt opened his mouth over the bulge in Calvin’s underwear. “Oh, fuck.” Matt smiled. There was something incredibly sexy about fourletter words coming from that sweet, angelic mouth. He sucked on the hard cock through the cotton. Calvin squirmed. Oh yeah, he could see himself wanting to tease and play with Calvin like this for hours. Unfortunately rubbing his dick made him just a bit crazed and his balls ached with the need to come. He moved his hands away from his own cock and pulled Calvin’s tighty-whities down to his knees where he’d left his pants. The man’s beautiful thick, red cock slapped him on the cheek. “Wow, that’s a thing of beauty,” he murmured. Calvin laughed, drawing Matt’s gaze to the man’s beautiful face. Calvin was looking down at him, his cheeks flushed pink, his plump lips begging to be kissed. And damn, Matt wanted to devour them…him. But first, he wanted the cock. He lapped up the pre-cum on the tip. Closing his eyes, he opened his mouth over the fat head, sucking gently. His hands moved to Calvin’s round ass, massaging the soft, warm skin there and briefly distracting him with thoughts of thrusting deep and hard between those cheeks. The image flashed through his head and he very nearly stopped to get up and do just that. He pushed it aside, for only a short time, 34

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and sucked Calvin’s cock in earnest, pushing it farther into his mouth. Little whimpers escaped Calvin’s lips, and his hands slipped into Matt’s hair, holding him there. His hips moved, fucking Matt’s mouth. Matt stuck a finger in his mouth as he sucked, liberally wetting it, and then scooted it around to Calvin’s hole, pressing in. “Matt.” Calvin groaned. Fuck. The sound of his name in that voice from those lips caused his own erection to push so painfully on his boxers, he reached down and blindly unzipped his slacks, pulling out his hard dick. “Matt, God, please, fuck me.” He needed no second invitation. Releasing Calvin’s cock with a pop, Matt stood, grabbed a foil packet from his front pocket, and shoved his pants down to his ankles. They were close enough to the bed, he pushed Calvin toward it. Calvin landed on his stomach on the edge of the bed, his pale round globes teasing Matt. He rolled the condom on his cock. “Lube?” “Um, over there,” Calvin said, starting to undulate toward the end table. “Don’t move,” Matt ordered. “I’ll get it.” He kicked off his loafers and shucked his pants and underwear and grabbed the lube out of the drawer. Matt knew he was going fast and maybe acting a little like an animal, but he didn’t care. His cock needed relief and he wanted to be thrusting between those perfect cheeks. He moved to stand behind Calvin, squirting a generous amount of lube over his fingers to slick his sheathed dick. “Hurry,” Calvin urged. 35

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Like he needed to be told that. He sloshed out more lube and inserted his fingers to stretch and prepare Calvin’s entrance. Letting out a shaky breath, Matt poised his aching cock at the other man’s hole and slowly pressed into it. Calvin pushed back, encouraging him without words. Matt slipped in all the way, balls-deep. For a moment, he stayed still, just loving the feel of Calvin’s snug ass surrounding his erection. But it was impossible to stay still for long, and he began the rhythm of pulling out and thrusting in, over and over. He wasn’t surprised to find Calvin was no passive bottom, but rather thrust back against him, riding his cock hard and fast. Matt practically saw stars, the sensation of Calvin squeezing him was so intense. He heard loud moans and knew they were coming from him. But damn— “Calvin, God.” He peeked around their joined bodies to watch as Calvin frantically stroked his dick, gobs of cum shooting out onto the quilt. The sight of Calvin coming, his teeth tugging on that full bottom lip, sent jolts of a red-hot release up his spine. He came with a low growl. Then he sagged against Calvin, catching his breath. “Lord, that was…” “Yeah.” He pulled out and moved off Calvin, not wanting to put too much weight on the other man. He sank to his knees next to the bed. Calvin yawned. “I didn’t realize I was so tired.” “I wore you out,” Matt said with a proud grin. Calvin chuckled. “Next time I get to wear you out.” Mat blinked, his interest immediately perking up. “Yeah?” “Oh, yeah. But now…sleep.” 36

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CHAPTER 6 “How many lovers have you had?” Matt asked Calvin in the kitchen the next morning. Calvin had only pulled on a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and Matt wore one of his knee length robes. Matt’s arms were snugly wrapped around Calvin’s bare stomach and he kept nuzzling Calvin’s neck. Calvin scooped coffee into the coffeepot. He didn’t use it too often as he’d learned over the last several years that he preferred tea. Matt, however, wanted coffee. “Is this normal talk for coffee making?” He felt Matt shrug. “Who can say what normal is? It’s normal for us ’cause I’m asking.” It had been strange waking up to another man lying next to him. Scratch that—lying practically on top of him. He’d 37

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discovered Matt liked to sleep cuddled, so he’d had the odd sensation of an arm wrapped around him the entire night. And apparently, even now the man was reluctant to let go. Matt was quite obviously an affectionate sort. “To be honest, I haven’t had very many,” Calvin admitted. “I’ve never been a player and mindless casual sex is not my thing.” “Hmm, well that sounds promising for me. So how many?” “My high school boyfriend, as I told you. And then I had a boyfriend for a while during my pre-med years.” “What happened with them?” He patted Matt’s arm to let him know he wanted to be released and Matt got the hint. He moved away to the sink and refilled his water filter pitcher. “Henry, that’s my boyfriend from high school, went up north to Berkley. Long distance didn’t really work well for what was essentially an immature high school thing anyway. The other one decided he wanted to date Barnaby instead of me.” “What? He dated your brother?” Calvin smiled and shook his head. “Of course not. Barnaby wouldn’t do that. Besides he was too young to be dating that idiot. But his interest in my brother made it clear we weren’t compatible.” “How about you and the bisexual guy that took you to the bar? Did you ever have sex with him?” He snorted. “He wished. He kept trying for a while even after the bar incident, but I kicked him to the curb.” Matt reached out and grabbed his hand. “I admit I’m afraid you’ll do the same to me.” Calvin raised an eyebrow. “Are you an asshole?” Matt grinned. “Yeah, sometimes. I sometimes act really rash and stupid. Like when I moved here with my boyfriend. I knew 38

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things weren’t working for us, you know? The sex wasn’t great, we barely talked, and not only could I not see us together forever, I couldn’t even see us together for another year.” “So why did you move?” “I don’t know. Change of scenery? Thought it might help for a while, but right after we moved I knew there was just no way I could make a commitment to be only with him.” He pursed his lips and tugged on his hand. Matt was definitely touchy-feely. “You’re commitment shy?” “Yeah, maybe.” Matt shrugged. “Who knows with the right guy? Any others?” “What?” “Lovers.” Calvin nodded. “There was one other. Right after I started my residency there was this older doctor. Kind of like a mentor.” Matt frowned. “How much older?” He felt himself blush. “A lot older. He was twenty-five years older actually.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, we became pretty friendly and one thing led to another and we had sex. A few times.” “And what happened with him?” “As it happens I found out he was married and had children.” Calvin grimaced, remembering the whole sordid mess. “I broke it off as soon as I learned. He pursued things a bit after that, but he finally got a clue and left me alone.” “Wow. Who knew your life had soap opera antics?” “Hardly. The whole thing was a terrible mistake and an ordeal.” He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. “Actually I vowed then to never get involved with anyone from the hospital again.” 39

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“Lucky for me you’re breaking your vow.” “Hmm, well, about that—” “Oh, hell, no, Lassiter. You aren’t going to pull that.” Matt pulled him into his arms. “Wasn’t the sex fantastic?” “Yes.” “I’m not married and neither are you. Neither of us have a boyfriend. I really, really like you and, despite your protests otherwise, I think maybe you like me, too, so there is absolutely no reason in hell to stop seeing each other.” Calvin opened his mouth to protest, especially the part about liking Matt, but his words were stopped by Matt’s crushing kiss. Matt’s warm fingers brushed along his stomach just above the waistband of his pajama bottoms. The slam of a car door had him freezing and then hastily pushing Matt away. That sounded like it came from just outside his house. Frowning, he left the kitchen and went to the living room window to peer out. “Who is it?” Matt asked coming up behind him. “Oh, God, it’s my grandmother.” He recognized her curly white head as she bent down to scoop up his newspaper from the front lawn. At the curb was her brand new, red Smart Car. “Get dressed, quick.” Matt patted his arm. “Calm down, Calvin. It’ll be okay.” He tugged him down the hallway toward the bedroom. Matt picked up his clothes from the previous night. He went to his closet and pulled out a pair of khaki casual pants and a brown polo shirt. Then he went to his dresser for underwear and dressed quickly. The doorbell rang a couple of times and he hurried to the door. Calvin swallowed, ran his fingers through his messy blond hair, 40

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and opened the door with what he hoped was a welcoming smile. “Hi, Grandma.” “Good morning, honey,” his five-foot-one inch grandmother said, pulling him into a tight embrace. He returned her hug and ushered her quickly inside. “I didn’t expect you.” She smiled. “I know, I’m sorry. I should have called you last night, but I couldn’t remember your schedule. I had a doctor’s appointment right down the street and I just had to come by. I was going to use the cell phone you and Barnaby bought me for Christmas but it seems to be dead.” “You have to keep it charged,” he reminded her. She waved. “Yes, yes. The iPod needs charging, too. Anyway, I decided to come by and see if you were home and I saw you had a visitor so figured you were.” She looked beyond him to Matt standing in the hallway doorway. “You must be the visitor.” “Um, yeah.” Calvin said feeling his cheeks heat. “This is—is—” “Matt,” the other man supplied and held out his hand to his grandmother. “Nice to meet you, ma’am.” “Kay Lassiter,” she replied with a wide, warm smile. “What’s your last name, Matt?” “Walton.” “Like John Boy?” she teased. Matt laughed. “Yes, ma’am.” “You can call me Kay. Well, boys, have you had breakfast yet?” “No, we were about to.” “Excellent, I’m starved.” *

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“I don’t know why but I thought Lassiter was Calvin’s father’s name,” Matt said to Kay as they washed breakfast dishes at the sink. Calvin was in the other room making follow-up calls related to patients he’d seen in the emergency room. “How much has he told you?” “Everything, I think. I know what his father did to his mother and to him.” Kay nodded. “I felt, considering everything, the boys were better off using their mother’s last name. We don’t like to associate ourselves with their father.” “Makes perfect sense.” She rinsed off a dish and handed it to him to dry. “How long have you known my Calvin?” “Not that long. I’m a nurse at the hospital. To be honest, I probably come on pretty strong, but I really like your grandson.” “Well, I’m not surprised by that. Calvin is a very likeable man. He’s very serious though and I have to confess I didn’t think you were exactly his type.” Matt grinned, taking no offense. “I doubt I am, too. But, well, if I have it my way, I’m going to change his type.” She laughed. “Good for you. He could use a little shaking up.” Handing him the last dish, she drained the sink. “My boys are more important to me than anything in the world.” “They’re very lucky to have you.” Calvin came in. “Well, that’s all done.” “And you missed doing the dishes, too,” his grandmother declared. “Reminds me of when you always managed to have something you just had to do when it was time for chores.” Calvin blushed. “Grandma, really.” Matt chuckled. “Listen, I’ve got some errands to do at home, so 42

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I should be going. Kay, it was really nice to meet you.” “You, too, Matt. I hope to see you again soon.” She smiled. “I’m hoping to convince Calvin to go shopping with me.” Calvin grimaced. “Swell. I’ll walk you out,” he said, taking hold of Matt’s elbow. Matt waited until they were outside before he spoke. “I like your grandmother, Calvin. She’s pretty cool.” “Thanks, I think she liked you, too.” “When do you have to go back to the hospital?” “Tomorrow morning. I’m on at seven.” Matt opened his car door. “I don’t have to be back until the day after tomorrow for the night shift. Think maybe you’d like to come to my apartment tonight? After shopping with your grandmother, of course. I’d love to fix you dinner.” A smile curved those amazing lips. “You cook?” “I try to anyway. You can be the judge. If you’ll come?” Matt asked hopefully. “Okay. I’ll need your address.” Matt grinned, leaned into his car, and took out a pen and paper. He quickly wrote the address. He took a deep breath and hoped like hell he sounded casual when he said, “If you want, you could bring your clothes with you and go straight to the hospital from my place.” Calvin’s blue eyes twinkled just a bit. He was so damn beautiful, he really did steal Matt’s breath like the cliché went. “All right, I’ll think about it. See you later, Matt.” Matt glanced around the neighborhood, seeing no one in particular, he grabbed the back of Calvin’s head and drew him in for a kiss. He made it brief so Calvin couldn’t protest the public display. “See you tonight. Sixish.” 43

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CHAPTER 7 Calvin paused in front of Matt’s apartment door, an overnight bag clutched in one hand and the other raised to ring the bell. Honestly, he’d spent most of the day trying to get out of coming over. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Matt. He found himself really liking him, actually. Enough to think, maybe, long-term relationship. Which is why he wanted to put the brakes on the entire affair. At work relationships did not work. He’d learned that the hard way. Of course, he knew Barnaby and Nathan’s relationship seemed to be going okay and they worked together. And even another couple from their firm, Darrell and Travis. But Calvin, being a cynic, knew eventually they’d all experience painful 44

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breakups. Calvin could not imagine trying to work at the hospital in life or death situations with everyone whispering behind his back about how he got dumped by the hot nurse, Matt. No way. After he’d finished shopping with his grandmother, Calvin had thought about calling to cancel. Then he thought about texting the cancellation, but decided that was far too much like a teenager. He’d drafted a Dear Matt email canceling and breaking off any further prospects. He hadn’t sent it and here he was. He lowered his hand and looked around the complex. It was one of those newer apartment buildings that had been turned into being owned rather than rented during the crazy housing boom of a few years earlier. Matt’s apartment was on the ground floor and just a few steps away was a duck pond. It seemed very quiet, too. Just as he was making the decision to go back to his car and come up with some emergency to cancel with, the door of the apartment flew open. “Hey, did you just get here?” Matt asked with a welcoming smile and a hug. “Uh, yeah.” “Perfect timing. I was going to go check the mail, but now that can wait.” Matt grabbed onto the edge of his polo shirt and he tugged him into the apartment. His smile widened when he spotted Calvin’s overnight bag. “Fantastic. I was hoping you’d decide to stay. Want the tour?” “Sure.” Matt’s hand found his and closed over it as he led him farther into the place. “First stop, the living room. As you can see it’s not terribly exciting. That leather couch there is a hand-me-down from 45

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the folks.” He winked. “Pretty sturdy though. Best thing about this room is the flat-screen television.” Matt pulled him out of the living room which truly had been made up of only the couch, television, and a coffee table crammed with papers. He headed down a very short hallway to what Calvin guessed were the bedrooms. There were three of them. Matt stopped at the first. “I’ve turned this into an exercise room. Treadmill, stationary bike, and weights. Pretty cool, huh?” Before Calvin had a chance to reply, Matt moved him along to the next room which had a single bed and a dresser. “I use this as a spare room. Or I’m going to. No one has actually stayed here yet, but I’ve got some younger half-siblings that keep threatening to come and visit.” Matt briefly flicked on the light of a hallway bathroom. “Bathroom.” They went down to the last room, which was clearly the master bedroom. Matt paused in the doorway. “Okay, before we go in, I should warn you. I’m renting this place from a guy who bought it and then ended up moving to Hawaii for two years for a temporary assignment. So, um, he made some interesting choices for decorating.” Calvin nodded. “All right.” Matt grinned and pulled him inside. The room consisted of an armoire, a king-sized bed with a comforter done in earth tones, two end tables on either side of the bed, a bathroom off to the side, and…a mirrored ceiling. Calvin stared up at the ceiling. He knew his jaw hung open, but damn, he’d never seen a mirrored ceiling. He felt like a country bumpkin looking at the Las Vegas city lights for the first time. His 46

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gaze strayed to the bed and back to the mirrors. His pulse raced. “Wow.” “I know. When I first moved here I thought it was a little weird, but now…let me just say it’s freaking hot.” Calvin licked his lips, his cock perking up to half hard at the thought. “Um, really.” “Ah, come on, Calvin, you had a mirror in your bedroom.” “To see how I look in my clothes.” “Did you never think about other possibilities? Watching yourself have sex with a partner or touching yourself?” He felt his cheeks heat. “I can’t say I ever thought about it.” Matt pulled him close, so close their faces were separated by less than an inch, their breaths mingled. “Wouldn’t you like to try it?” His pulse jumped. “M-maybe.” “Great, how about now?” “What?” Matt grinned. “Yes, now. You implied you’d fuck me this time. Why not now?” Calvin laughed. “You’re supposed to be making me dinner.” “I am. See, I’m making this chicken, cheesy, broccoli casserole thing and it’s in the oven. It’s gotta cook, so there’s plenty of time.” “You’re incorrigible.” “I know, but I’ve been thinking about you all day,” Matt whispered against his lips. “Thinking about kissing these amazing lips.” He reached between their bodies to close over Calvin’s crotch, feeling the half-hard dick there. “Thinking about feeling this pounding into me.” He swallowed. “Well, you certainly know how to be 47

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convincing.” Matt’s teeth pulled at his bottom lip. “Let’s get naked.” Calvin nodded, stepped back a couple of inches and pulled his shirt over his head. He looked around, trying to decide where to put it, but Matt ripped it out of his hands and tossed it. Before he could get his fingers to undo his belt, Matt was already working at it, undoing the zipper. “Go on and take care of your own clothes.” Calvin sat on the edge of the bed, looking up briefly at his reflection above. He nudged off his shoes and whipped off his socks before standing up to shuck the pants and briefs. He was glad to see Matt had divested himself of his clothes, too, and the man now leaned over one of the end tables, his round ass displayed. Lord. His cock filled and rose fully. Calvin closed his fist around the head and stroked. Matt turned back to face him, holding a foil packet and a green tube of lube. “Green apple,” he declared with a wink. He pulled the comforter off to reveal dark green sheets, and tossed the supplies on the bed. “Okay, how do we do this?” Calvin asked, once more glancing at the ceiling. It was a bit odd to be looking at the reflection of their naked bodies. “I want to be on my back so I can watch you sliding into me.” Matt laid on the bed. One thing was true about Matt. The man was not the least bit shy about what he said or his body. Not that he had a reason to be. His body was gorgeous. Ripped abs and muscular arms that would make just about any weight lifter proud. And a damn fine hard cock, too. 48

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Calvin knelt on the bed and reached for the lube. He squirted the pale green goo out, instantly acknowledging it did indeed smell like apple, and hoisted Matt’s legs up over his shoulders. Matt laughed. “I love a man who gets right to it.” He blushed. “Um, yeah, sorry.” “Don’t be, babe.” Calvin nodded and slipped two lubed fingers into Matt’s entrance. For the most part, Calvin bottomed, but he’d topped a time or two and he liked it both ways. “Look up,” Matt urged in a raspy voice. He did, watching his fingers slide in and out of the other man’s ass. Their eyes met in the mirror above. Matt started pumping his cock. Calvin had to admit seeing everything they were doing was indeed pretty hot. Matt stopped stroking his erection long enough to reach for the condom packet. He tore it open and handed it to Calvin. He withdrew his fingers and rolled the condom over his cock, his gaze on the mirror above. His balls ached with the need to come. “You’ll have a much better view of us fucking.” Matt nodded. “Planned it that way. You can do the same when I fuck you after dinner.” Calvin raised his eyebrow at the man’s audacity. But at the moment he wasn’t interested in playing hard to get, he was interested in getting them both off. “Ready?” “Oh, yeah.” He poised himself at Matt’s hole and slowly pushed in, tilting his head back to watch the scene from the mirror. Matt’s hand worked his length, his jaw slack as he, too, watched Calvin enter 49

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him. Still keeping his eyes on the mirror, Calvin began to move, thrusting slow and deep, fascinated by the sight of them. He could watch his own expressions, his own movements. Something he’d never even guessed he would be interested in. Didn’t that make one narcissistic? Calvin didn’t know. He just knew watching his cock pull out and push in to Matt was hot. He hiked Matt’s legs up higher, bending him nearly in half as he speared his ass over and over. Matt’s hand sped up, tugging harder on his cock, reaching down to squeeze his balls. His face was flushed, his forehead beaded with sweat. “Calvin, I’m gonna come.” “Good, do it,” he urged. Calvin’s orgasm didn’t tingle gently up his spine, it slammed through him, as intense and deep as his last few thrusts, even as gobs of opaque white cum shot out of Matt’s cock. He collapsed next to Matt, both of them panting heavily. His eyes drifted closed. “Mmm. I smell dinner.” Matt slapped his ass and rose from the bed. Calvin’s eyes flew open. “Did you just smack me?” “Yup.” Matt slapped his other cheek. “Wow, that’s fun. Get up and get dressed, gorgeous. Dinner is served.” *

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*

A short time later, they sat at Matt’s dining room table eating steaming hot, ooey-gooey cheesy chicken and broccoli casserole. It was surprisingly good. “How was the rest of your day with your grandmother?” Matt 50

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asked as he took a sip from his bottle of beer. “Pretty good. She bought a robe and pajamas.” Calvin shook his head, smiling affectionately. “I love that you’re close to her. She seems very cool. I can’t wait for you to meet my family.” Calvin’s hand froze as he was about to place a forkful of food into his mouth. He lowered the food back to his plate. He winced. “What?” “Matt,” Calvin said slowly, “I like you a lot, but I have to say, I just don’t think this is something that’s going to work.” “Huh?” Matt shook his head. “Dude, you just said you liked me a lot.” “I do, but—” “But what?” He put his beer down and reached for Calvin’s hand. “Don’t push me away like this. I know you’re wary of getting involved with me, because of the hospital, and maybe some other things I don’t know. But rather than breaking things off before we’ve even gotten a chance to really start something, can’t you give us a chance?” “Matt, I don’t know.” “I know you don’t know. Which is why you should give us that chance. Come on, Calvin. Please?” Calvin looked away from the pleading in Matt’s dark eyes and exhaled slowly. When he turned back, he smiled. “All right. I’ll give us a chance.”

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CHAPTER 8 Just two weeks later on Memorial Day weekend, Matt’s stepbrother Nathan decided to have a barbecue get-together at the house he now shared with Calvin’s brother, Barnaby. Naturally, that meant Matt and Calvin were invited. Matt looked forward to the day, but he looked forward to the plans he had later for them as well. After the barbecue was over. It happened to be on Saturday afternoon of the weekend, and as luck would have it neither of them had to work at the hospital until Sunday night. During the last two weeks, they’d spent most of their spare time together. Matt was pretty sure he’d fallen in love with Calvin. The feelings were new for him. Sure, he’d had serious boyfriends. Even the one he’d briefly lived with. But none that made his heart race, 52

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his stomach twist, and his thoughts constantly drift to his lover the way all of that did with Calvin. He’d discovered if Calvin could avoid driving he would, so Matt drove them, in his car, of course, to Nathan and Barnaby’s barbecue. They had to park down the street a bit, because they’d invited all of Matt’s and Nathan’s combined family, several coworkers from the firm, and Calvin and Barnaby’s grandmother. One thing was for sure, the place would be rocking. Matt grabbed Calvin’s hand as they walked up the street to Nathan’s house. His lover frowned and looked around. “Will you chill? No one is around and even if they were, they’d not be paying attention.” “There’s still some animosity toward homosexuals, Matt. It just pays to be careful.” “Well, I think it’s bullshit I can’t even hold my boyfriend’s hand when we walk down the street.” “Sure, maybe it is,” Calvin agreed. Matt smiled, glad that for once Calvin didn’t try to protest that he wasn’t Matt’s boyfriend. He’d been using that term for several days and most of the time it got him a stern look or even sometimes words to the effect, “Isn’t it a little soon for that?” Not for him, it wasn’t. “Hey, about time you guys got here,” Barnaby called from the doorway. He’d just ushered in a couple of guests before them. “We’re fashionably late,” Matt said. Barnaby laughed. “Are you sure we’re not related?” He pulled his brother into his arms and gave him a sloppy lip-glossed kiss on the cheek. Matt couldn’t help grinning at the look of feigned revulsion on Calvin’s face. Barnaby pecked him on the cheek, too, as he passed 53

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into the overly crowded house. Matt decided the party had to be Barnaby’s idea. He doubted Nathan would have tolerated such chaos before the bubbly man had come into his life. Most of the guests who’d already arrived had spilled out into the backyard. He quickly noted his mother and stepfather outside holding strawberry margaritas. He also spotted his two halfbrothers, Adrian and Steve, and Steve’s best friend since forever, Drew. “Looks like practically the whole gang’s here.” “Yep, quite the shindig,” Barnaby said with a grin. “Couldn’t be happier. Of course, Nathan’s in the kitchen grumbling over how many margaritas he’s had to make.” “I’ll bet. Which reminds me. Tell him two more.” He glanced at Calvin. “You do want one right, babe?” Calvin’s cool, admonishing look flitted across his face for a second, but then his lips curved ever so slightly. “Yes, all right.” “Let’s go outside.” He pulled his lover out to the backyard where several tables and chairs had been set out. He chose a couple of chairs by Adrian, Steve, and Drew. “Hey, everyone. I wanted to introduce my boyfriend, Calvin, to you.” “Hey, he looks just like his brother,” Adrian declared. He tilted his head and thrust out his hand to shake Calvin’s. “Just a little older. I’m Adrian, Matt’s baby bro.” “Nice to meet you.” “And this is my other brother, Steve, and his friend, Drew.” “I can see the resemblance in your family, too,” Calvin said with a smile. “Nice to meet you, too, Drew.” His brother had been friends with Drew pretty much their whole lives. And when Drew realized he was gay, Steve had asked Matt to talk to him. Drew was a short, slight young man with dark 54

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hair and big dark eyes. Everyone, including Matt, had become quite protective of him. He ruffled Drew’s hair and pointed to the beer in his hand. “Are you old enough to drink?” “Ha ha.” It felt good to be here, with family and friends, and Calvin. Matt wanted it to always be like this. “Hey,” Drew said, nudging him. “Who is that?” “Who is who?” Barnaby came outside carrying two strawberry margaritas. He handed them to Matt and Calvin. They turned to see Drew pointing to a well-dressed good looking African American man who sat in a chair in the corner of the yard talking on a cell phone. Barnaby rolled his eyes. “That’s Mark Stevens. He’s the other partner in the firm with Nathan and Travis. He’s always working. I’m surprised he even came.” Drew peeked around them. “He’s cute.” “Yeah,” Barnaby agreed. “He’s gay, too. But forget it, Drew. He’s in a relationship.” “Oh.” Drew shrugged and took a sip of beer. “With who?” Nathan asked, coming up behind Barnaby. “His work, hon. Duh.” Barnaby bumped him with his hip. Nathan grinned. “Yeah, that’s pretty much true.” “Speaking of,” Matt said, taking a sip of his margarita and putting his other arm around Calvin’s waist. “Where are Travis and Darrell? I thought you were the best of friends.” “They’re on a cruise,” Nathan replied. “Lucky.” Matt looked at his lover in surprise. “You want to go on a cruise?” Calvin shrugged. “I’ve been curious.” 55

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He grinned. “Well, I’m all for it.” “We can go together,” Barnaby said, excitedly. “Wouldn’t that be cool?” “Uh,” Calvin said slowly. “Maybe.” Matt kissed his cheek. “Want to meet the folks?” He didn’t want to pressure Calvin, but his mother and stepfather stood in another part of the yard talking with Calvin’s grandmother. All three were looking expectantly at them. Calvin went rigid as he looked at them, but he exhaled and nodded. “All right.” “Be right back,” Matt called to the others over his shoulder. Calvin hugged his grandmother. “Hey, Grandma.” “Hey yourself.” She held him tight. “Good to see you again, Matt.” “You, too, Kay.” He knew he was grinning like a fool as he turned to introduce his lover to his mother and stepfather, but hell, he’d never felt this good about introducing someone to them before. “Mom, Joe, this is Dr. Calvin Lassiter. He’s Barnaby’s older brother. Calvin, this is my mother, Barbara, and my stepfather, Joe Llewellyn.” “Sir, ma’am.” Calvin shook both of their hands, looking somewhat like a beautiful mannequin, but at least he didn’t run screaming from the backyard. “We’re very glad to meet you,” his mom said. “We’ve become extremely fond of Barnaby.” Calvin nodded. “Yes, everyone does. He’s hard to resist.” Matt rested his hand on Calvin’s shoulder. “So, what were you all talking about? Don’t tell me politics, Joe.” Joe flushed. “No. Well, a little.” Calvin’s grandmother and his mother laughed and as they 56

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started talking about the upcoming summer and how hot it was supposed to be according to experts, he felt Calvin relax under his hand. *

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A few hours later, in the late afternoon, Matt and Calvin headed back to Matt’s apartment. He’d been unable to stop thinking about what he planned to do to Calvin as soon as they were alone. It had been a fun day and Calvin had even loosened up enough to play horseshoes. When they got to his apartment, Matt put his plan for a little something extra in motion. He grabbed Calvin’s hand when he went toward the apartment. “Not so fast…this way.” He tugged Calvin to another stairway. Matt was unable to keep the smile from his lips, anticipation of what was to come making his pulse raise and his cock half hard. Calvin frowned. “This says roof access.” “I know.” Matt opened the turquoise door at the top that led to the roof. The view of the city from there was amazing. Especially on less smoggy days. He closed the door after Calvin stepped through. “What are we doing up here? Are residents even allowed?” “Probably not. I didn’t ask.” Matt pulled him toward the stall wall that surrounded the outer edge. “Amazing huh?” “It is pretty, but—” He wrapped his arms around Calvin’s waist and pulled him against him so Calvin could feel how hard he was. “Can’t you guess what we’re doing up here?” Calvin stiffened. “What? Are you crazy?” 57

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He chuckled and planted his lips on the pulse of Calvin’s neck. “Where’s your sense of adventure?” “I thought you would have figured out by now I don’t have one.” “Hmm. I mean to change that. You need more fun in your life, Cal. Those moments when you can be Cal instead of Calvin or Dr. Lassiter.” He turned Calvin in his arms so they were facing each other. “Let me fuck you here, right now.” Calvin shook his head. “We can’t, people will see, will know.” “They won’t. Who is going to see us up here? Who will know?” He kissed the side of Calvin’s mouth. “You don’t even have to take your clothes off. Just lower your pants to your knees. When we’re done we can go to my apartment and take a shower.” “The sun today must have baked your brain,” Calvin said with a little smile. But it was the smile that told Matt he’d talked his lover into it. Even the tiniest smile from Calvin warmed him from within. No one else’s smiles would ever do. “It just so happens, I have a condom in my pocket and a little travel packet of lube. Very convenient packaging.” He grinned wickedly and traced Calvin’s jawline with his lips. He felt a shudder run through his lover. Matt slipped a hand between them and cupped the other man’s crotch, feeling his growing erection. “God, I think you’re the devil sent to tempt me.” Matt laughed. “Yeah? I like the sound of that.” His fingers unzipped Calvin’s khaki slacks even as his lips left little teasing kisses across his mouth and cheeks. “Come on, baby, I want you.” Calvin let out a shaky breath and shook in Matt’s arms. “Okay, but if anyone comes up here, I’m going to have to kill you.” “Deal.” Matt turned Calvin around to face the wall. “Plant your 58

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hands on the wall nice and steady. I’ll take care of the rest.” Calvin did as Matt said and then Matt reached between his lover’s legs to spread them a little farther apart. And he squeezed Calvin’s dick through his pants while he was at it. He’d already unzipped the slacks, so he reached around and yanked them and Calvin’s briefs far enough down his hot ass to make fucking him easy. He couldn’t resist smacking his hand across first one perfect pale cheek and then the other. Calvin moaned. “You like that, huh? I’m definitely going to have to get into spanking that ass of yours more.” Matt unfastened his white shorts and lowered them to his knees. He’d nearly forgotten the items of utmost importance and reached back into the pockets of his shorts for the condom and lube. He tore open the condom packet and rolled it over his achingly hard cock. The sight of Calvin bent over, only his ass and cock uncovered on the rooftop, almost made him come right then. He then squirted out lube from the little travel packet, squeezing some directly into Calvin’s ass before he rubbed it all over his rod. Matt slid his fingers in a few times to loosen Calvin up, but he grew impatient to join their bodies. “Ready?” “Uh-huh.” Calvin gasped. Ah, fuck. He forced himself to think of dead puppies so he wouldn’t come immediately, that single gasping, groaning sound from Calvin’s lips nearly his undoing. Slowly Matt entered him, pushing in just the tip. His tan fingers grasped his lover’s pale hips and he slid in deeper, but going just an inch at a time. Sweat beaded on his forehead and he had to practically bite his tongue off to keep from pumping out his 59

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orgasm fast and furiously. He wanted a slow, easy fuck. One that would imprint him on Calvin forever. At least, if he had his way. Calvin moved his ass, impaling Matt’s dick all the way, foiling his plan instantly to go slowly. With a groan part frustration and part ecstasy, Matt withdrew and pushed in, thrusting as deep and as hard as Calvin could take. He rode him roughly, his body at least forgetting his good intentions, as he pumped Calvin’s ass again and again. A few higher rise apartments stood around them, floors above them, and he couldn’t help wondering, even as the orgasm he tried to stay off rode to the edge of his control, if any of them had occupants looking down at their rooftop romp. He found he liked to think so. “Matt…” Calvin groaned, pushing hard back against him and tensing, as his cock shot globs of white over the stone wall. Matt soon joined him, yelling his lover’s name as his release tore through him. After a few moments of catching his breath, he eased out of Calvin’s ass and dropped to his knees. “Fuck, you’re hot.” Calvin laughed. “So are you, but could you not yell loud enough to wake the dead?” Matt grinned. “Sorry. Well, no, I’m not.” “I had a feeling you weren’t.” Calvin did up his pants. “Can we take this back inside your apartment? I don’t want anyone sending the police up here to see who has been murdered.” “All right, all right, sheesh. You get grumpy after sex. Help me up.” Calvin reached down to give him a hand to stand. He then pulled up Matt’s shorts and re-fastened them. “There. Now, I really could use that shower.” 60

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“Kiss me first.” Matt grabbed the back of his head and brought their lips together. “Okay, bossy, let’s go.”

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CHAPTER 9 Calvin finished giving instructions to the mother of a twelveyear old boy who’d broken his leg skate boarding and handed a clipboard of discharge forms to Valerie. “You look tired, doctor,” Valerie commented. “I’ve not been getting much sleep,” he admitted, thinking of the day before spent with Matt. After the rooftop sex, they’d had shower sex in Matt’s apartment and then later more sex under the mirror. He definitely wasn’t sleeping like he used to before he’d ended up having a boyfriend. He still wasn’t sure how it had happened to him. He’d fought getting together with Matt and now he couldn’t help but wonder why he’d been so against it. So far, being with Matt had been fantastic. He’d begun to feel maybe he might even 62

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be in love. “Go take a break and get yourself some tea or something while you have a chance. I’ll page you if I need you,” the head nurse assured him. “Thanks.” He turned the corner and noticed a group of nurses talking near the nurse’s station. Among them was Matt. The two of them shared a rare same shift tonight. Most of the past two weeks they’d not worked at the same time. None of the nurses had noticed Calvin approaching the station. He stopped in his tracks when he caught the mention of his own name. “I have to hand it to you, Walton, I didn’t think you could do it,” Rick said with a laugh. “Me either,” Donna added, grinning. “But you totally earned it.” “Earned what?” Matt asked. “As if you didn’t know. It’s all over the hospital that you banged Dr. Lassiter.” Rick slapped Matt’s shoulder. “Dude. You’ve got four hundred bucks coming to you. Bending over the ice queen. You are the man!” Calvin’s heart pounded hard and it hurt too breathe. Bile rose. Louise stuck a wad of bills in Matt’s hand. “I thought the doc would never get laid. I guess you’re slicker than we all thought.” Sick to his stomach, Calvin had heard enough of the vile words. He turned on his heels and hurried in the opposite direction, hoping he’d made it to the men’s room in time. As soon as he stepped inside, he ran into a stall and hurled. No. It couldn’t be true. Matt couldn’t have had sex with him to win some twisted bet. It couldn’t be some stupid joke. But it was. He’d heard them. 63

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Calvin blinked back tears and rinsed and wiped his mouth. God, now he felt like a fool. A broken-hearted one. He left the bathroom and headed for the elevators that would take him down to the cafeteria. “There you are,” Matt said, coming up behind him. “I’ve been looking for you.” His ears were buzzing and his head pounding. Calvin couldn’t look at Matt. He turned his head, praying the elevator would hurry. “Calvin, are you okay?” Matt touched his arm and he wrenched it away. He pushed the elevator button again, his throat clogging. He couldn’t have formed words if he tried. “Babe.” Matt tried to turn him. “Don’t,” Calvin whispered, tears pricking his eyes. “Hey, did something happen? Did you lose a patient?” The elevator doors opened and Calvin dashed inside. He pushed the close door button frantically. When Matt went to get in the car, Calvin shook his head. “Please, leave me alone. Go away.” Matt’s eyes widened. “What?” “Stay away.” The doors closed finally on Matt’s shocked face. Calvin moved like a zombie when he walked into the cafeteria. He started toward the hot water dispenser, moving automatically without really thinking, his actions routine enough they required no effort. He chose his usual mint flavored green tea bag, stuck it in a cup full of hot water, and took it to the register. He was heading toward his usual table in the corner when Matt appeared. Calvin froze in his tracks as Matt approached. “Calvin, can we talk please?” 64

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“Not here.” Matt nodded. “Where then?” His jaw tightening, Calvin glanced at the few occupants of the cafeteria and then walked down the long hallway beckoning Matt to follow. He knew of a little used break room two corridors down. Calvin did not want to have this conversation here. He didn’t want to have it at all, really, but Matt seemed determined. The room was empty, as he expected it would be. He closed the door after them. He sidestepped when Matt attempted to reach for him. Swallowing, he said as fast as he could, “Let me make this as clear as I can. Leave me alone, Matt. I don’t want to see you again.” “Oh, my God. What? Why?” Matt’s face lost all its color. “I fully intend to see that our schedules at the hospital never coincide.” Calvin shook his head. “I ask that you respect my wishes and just leave me alone.” Matt sat heavily in a nearby easy chair. “I-I don’t understand. Why? I thought…I thought—” “I know what you thought. What you and your friends thought as you all laughed at me.” Calvin felt his face burn with humiliation. “I hope making a complete fool of me was worth the four hundred dollars.” “No.” Matt’s expression went from shock to stricken. He stood. “Babe, it’s not what you think. It’s not like that.” “I don’t want to listen to anything you have to say. Save your stupid high school pranks for someone else.” Calvin turned his back on Matt, opened the door and walked away, never once looking back 65

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*

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When his shift ended the next morning at seven, Calvin didn’t want to go home. He called Barnaby. He knew it being Memorial Day his brother would be home. “Hi, B, it’s me.” He sat in his car in the hospital parking lot and leaned his head back. “What’s wrong?” his brother asked. “God, you sound terrible.” “I need to talk. I…Matt and I…we broke up.” “What? Oh no.” “Yeah. It’s bad. Can I come over?” “Yes. I’ll get rid of Nathan. Send him grocery shopping for a little while.” Calvin nodded, even though he knew Barnaby couldn’t see him. Tears spilled down his cheeks and he wiped them angrily away. “Thanks, kid. I love you, B.” “I love you, too. I’ll see you soon.” “Yeah. Bye.” The whole drive to Barnaby’s house felt like it was on autopilot. Calvin had never felt like this. So broken. For the first time, he’d allowed himself the luxury of hope. Something he hadn’t even had as a child. Certainly not after his father tried to kill him. But he suspected he hadn’t even had it before that point. And now he was left thinking hope was for suckers. Calvin pulled up to the curb in front of his brother’s house. He noted Nathan’s car was not in the driveway so he guessed Barnaby had sent him off as he said he would. Barnaby had been waiting for him, because as soon as he approached the front door it opened. Without a word, his brother pulled him into the house and into a hug. Calvin made sure it was 66

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brief, because too much and he would start balling like a baby. He was on the verge as it was, and Calvin did not cry. “I got some of that green tea you like, just for you,” Barnaby announced. “I’ve made some for you.” Calvin forced a smile. He thought he had cracked his face doing it, but at least he’d made something of an effort. “Thanks.” Barnaby eyed him sadly, took his hand and led him into the kitchen where his tea was steeping. “Tell me what happened.” Calvin accepted the mug of tea after Barnaby had discarded the tea bag. “Well, I guess Matt was never really in to me at all.” “What? I can’t believe that.” He nodded, forcing away the pain as best he could. “It’s true. I found out it was all some stupid game.” Barnaby frowned. “What are you talking about?” For a moment he wished the earth would open up and swallow him. Stupid, of course. Life would go on. Hell, he’d survived worse as a child than the fool’s broken heart he had now. “Some of the other nurses at the hospital bet him four hundred dollars he couldn’t get the ice queen into bed.” He closed his eyes briefly in self-recrimination. “He won the bet, didn’t he?” “What?” Barnaby just stared and then shook his head. “Are you sure?” Calvin slowly nodded. “I heard them talking about it myself.” “I…my God. Did he admit it himself?” “Well, sure, when he was talking to them. He didn’t know I was listening. Afterward I told him to leave me alone. I don’t want to see him or hear from him again.” Calvin put the mug of tea on the counter untouched. He didn’t want it or anything at that moment. “I’m so sorry. I totally misjudged him,” Barnaby said, hugging 67

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his brother. The tears clogged his throat so suddenly he almost choked. He rested his head on Barnaby’s shoulder. “Me, too. I thought…I thought he really liked me.” “I hate him.” His brother squeezed him so tight Calvin thought his head might pop off, but he didn’t care. “I want to kick his ass.” Calvin laughed. He couldn’t help it. The idea of his skinny little brother kicking Matt’s ass was too funny. And it was just want he needed. He gently pulled away and wiped a tear of Barnaby’s off his cheek. “Shh, stop. Don’t cry for me. I’ll be all right.” “I’ll go to the hospital and kick all of their asses,” Barnaby vowed. He smiled. “I’m sure. What did you do with Nathan?” “Just like I said, made him go to the store.” “It’s a holiday. You guys should be spending it together.” Calvin picked his tea up and took several swallows. It tasted better than he expected considering how he felt just then. “I need to go home and get some rest before tonight’s shift.” “You can’t call in sick?” “No way. I’m a doctor. I can’t let patients down just because I let some asshole break my heart. That’s not ethical.” He took several more sips. “Believe it or not, coming here and talking to you has helped. I’ll be okay, B, I promise.” “You could rest here,” his brother suggested. “Thank you. I appreciate it, but no. I’ve got to stop feeling sorry for myself.” “Well, even if that jerk wasn’t the guy for you, you’ll find someone. I know you will.” Calvin shook his head. “I think I’m going to swear off 68

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relationships. Some people are alone their whole lives and do fine. I’m probably one of those people.” “Calvin—” “Just let it go, Barnaby. Okay?” He hugged his brother briefly. “Thanks for the tea. I’ll call you after tomorrow’s shift. Maybe we can have dinner or something.” *

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Calvin realized after he got home that he was finding it almost impossible to sleep. The conversation he overheard kept playing in his head, and once when he did doze off he had a dream they were all laughing and pointing at him wherever he went at the hospital, including Matt, who in his dream had made a necklace out of his four hundred dollars. Finally he gave up and took a shower. He was just getting out of the shower when he heard his doorbell being rung over and over. He threw on his robe and went to the front door just in time to hear Matt talking from the outside. “Calvin, please, open the door. I know you’re home. Please. I want to explain.” He almost did open the door. His hand went to the dead bolt, but stopped short of sliding it across. Calvin shook his head. He would not put himself through this. Likely, they’d made another bet Matt could make a fool out of him again. “Please.” He closed his eyes and willed his heart to close also to the pleading in Matt’s voice. “Calvin,” Matt rasped. He heard a thud against the door as though Matt hit it with his 69

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forehead. “Okay, I’ll go away,” Matt said after a moment of silence. “But I’m not giving up, Calvin. I know you hate me. I know I deserve it. But I won’t give up until you let me talk to you.” Calvin shut out the words and headed down the hall back to his bedroom and closed the door.

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CHAPTER 10 Calvin rubbed his eyes, more exhausted than he’d been in a long time. He’d barely slept for the past two days. He was glad his shift was nearly over and he’d have the next three days off. He planned to sleep the whole time. “Are you all right, Dr. Lassiter?” He ignored the question posed by Donna. He did not want to make polite conversation with one of the very nurses who had no respect for him as a doctor or even as a person. He scribbled notes on the patient’s chart just outside the patient area where his patient was getting dressed. “Doctor?” His jaw tightening, Calvin looked at the red-haired nurse. “What is it, Donna?” 71

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“I just asked if you were okay. You look a little pale.” He stared at her with his coldest look, hoping she would remember he was just a big prick to make fun of. “I’m fine.” “Doctor, may I speak freely?” For God’s sake. “Is this about a patient?” “No.” “Then I’d rather we just stick to business, Donna. I’m very busy.” Donna sighed. “I just wanted to talk to you about Matt.” “I have nothing to say to add fodder to your little club.” Calvin was startled when she put her hand on his sleeve. He was severely tempted to flick it off, but instead he just looked at it. “Listen, I understand why you’re angry and hurt. We were being immature assholes. Most of us realize that now. But we never thought far enough ahead to realize anyone would really get hurt. And we were wrong about Matt.” He didn’t respond, just went back to writing on the form. “I just thought you should know, he refused the money. He wouldn’t take it. Matt called us all jerks, said you were the best thing that ever happened to him, and said to shove our money up our asses. Just thought you’d like to know.” He handed her the patient forms without a word. Donna took them with a shake of her head and walked away. Calvin frowned and glanced at his watch. Only an hour to go. His head was swimming and he couldn’t think straight. He didn’t want to think about Matt or anything Donna said. Pushing it away, Calvin went to check on the woman who’d come in to with severe stomach pains. 72

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Matt pulled his motorcycle in front of Calvin’s house. He was there to try again. He didn’t have much hope at this point, but he couldn’t give up. Probably completely idiotic and futile. Calvin wanted nothing to do with him. And he couldn’t blame him. He hated himself right now, too. The last few days had been torture. A few times, as he worked with the other emergency doctors, he’d seen Calvin from a distance. To see his lover…former lover…across the room and know Calvin wanted nothing to do with him was horrible. Calvin was clearly avoiding him, and he just wanted to punch everything and everyone in sight. And he was completely to blame. He approached the front door and rang the bell. “Calvin,” he called. As he suspected there was no response. He tried ringing the bell several times. “Calvin, please. Can I just talk to you? One time. And then I swear, I won’t bother you again. Please?” He leaned his forehead against the door as he had the last two times. Tears pricked his eyes and desolation took hold of his heart. How much longer could he do this? At some point he’d end up looking like some pathetic stalker. Or had he already passed that point? Matt straightened when he heard the dead bolt sliding across the lock. His heart pounded so loud he could hear the racing beat. The door opened so slowly it reminded him of one those old haunted house movies. He half-expected Vincent Price to be on the other side of the door. 73

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But no, Calvin stood there, looking pale, with dark circles under his blue eyes. “Come in,” he whispered. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Matt tried not to let the burst of hope overwhelm him. Calvin might still want nothing to do with him. He stepped inside, and Calvin closed the door. Calvin walked toward the living room and he followed after him. He knew he was very close to begging Calvin to forgive him and, in fact, he was not above it. Not at all. His lover sat on the sofa and before he could protest, Matt sat next to him, almost on top of him really. He took Calvin’s hands in his and was a little too euphoric when Calvin didn’t pull away. “I know I hurt you,” Matt whispered. “I’m sorry. I should have told you about that stupid bet. I just…it never meant anything to me. It’s always been about you for me. None of the rest of that mattered.” Calvin didn’t say anything, just stared at Matt, a deep sorrow in his eyes. It tore at his heart. Matt shook his head. “They were jerks and so was I. My only excuse was I didn’t know you very well then. I know that’s stupid and doesn’t make any difference. But even then, I knew I wanted you, I wanted to pursue you anyway. That’s why I didn’t care about the bet, because it wasn’t why I pursued you. The first time I saw you sitting in the corner of the cafeteria drinking your green tea, I wanted you.” Calvin lowered his gaze to their entwined hands. “Well, I thought you were really interested in me.” “I was. I am. Baby, I know I’m a gigantic ass. I hate myself. It was fucking stupid and immature. But I didn’t take their money.” His lover nodded. “Donna told me.” “You’re what I want. Even if you still never want to see me 74

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again, it’s not going to change how I feel. I love you, Calvin. And I don’t care if anyone thinks it too fast or what anyone else thinks of me. I only care about you.” “After everything, it’s hard to believe. It’s hard to trust you.” “I know. I’ll do anything to convince you, though. I’ve never loved anyone like you. Please, give me a chance.” “My…my father supposedly loved us and look what happened.” Calvin shook his head. “I don’t know if I can be that vulnerable again. I left myself open and then—” Matt dropped to his knees in front of Calvin. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you. I swear. I love you so much. I won’t hurt you again.” “How can you promise that?” “I can promise you I’ll never knowingly hurt you.” He pulled up the hem of Calvin’s shirt to reveal his scars. He spread his fingers over them. “When I look at these scars, I think of how you might never have been here. I might never have known you. I can’t imagine how empty my life would have been if I hadn’t met you. I’ve never met anyone as good as you.” He rose on his knees until his face was next to Calvin’s. With his other hand, he encircled the nape of his lover’s neck and drew their lips together. Calvin’s lips softened under his. He closed his eyes, his heart hammering. “I love you,” he said against those amazing lips. A shudder went through Calvin, then a sigh. “I…love you, too.” Matt could have yelped with joy. Instead, he hugged Calvin fiercely. “Thank you.” “Take me to bed,” Calvin whispered. And now his pulse jumped for an entirely different reason. He 75

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got to his feet and pulled Calvin up with him. “I thought you’d never ask.” Arm in arm, they headed for the bedroom. Matt stopped them a couple of times so he could kiss Calvin’s soft lips. He’d never get tired of them. When they reached the bedroom, they undressed each other slowly, pausing for kisses. Matt trailed kisses along Calvin’s jawline up to his lips and back again. He wanted to show Calvin how much he worshiped him. Matt’s hands moved down Calvin’s back to his ass to cup the gorgeous roundness there. Someday soon he intended to introduce Calvin to spanking. He had a feeling his lover would be into that. But now, Matt wanted it to be about making love. To show Calvin how very much he adored him. There would be time for kink. Calvin loved him. He could barely believe he’d gotten so lucky. “Lay on your stomach, babe,” Matt said, gently pushing him toward the bed. He went to the bedside table and took out a condom and lube. Later, he’d talk to Calvin about being tested so they could skip the condoms. He lay next to his lover and turned his head toward him so he could cup his chin. “I love you so much. I’m going to tell you so often you’re going to get sick of it.” Calvin smiled. “I doubt that.” Matt covered Calvin’s mouth with his own, slipping his tongue between his lips, seeking the moist warmth inside. If he spent the rest of the day like this, kissing Calvin nonstop, he would be content. Calvin’s hand closed over his hard cock. His cock pulsed, eagerly seeking the touch of the hand stroking along its length. “God, you’re so damn good at that,” he mumbled against 76

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Calvin’s lips. He pulled that full bottom lip with his teeth, sucking on it. He pushed Calvin’s hand away after a moment and sat up enough to roll the condom on his erection. Leaning over him, Matt’s lips latched onto the nape of Calvin’s neck, leaving his mark. Smiling when he did. It would probably embarrass Calvin. “What are you chuckling about?” Calvin asked suspiciously. “Nothing. I’m just really happy.” Matt’s tongue trailed down Calvin’s spine, loving the taste of him. He reached his lover’s rounded cheeks and licked a line across them. Damn, he has a fine ass. His hand hovered over a perfect globe and he tried to remind himself he was going to wait to start smacking that ass. Matt bit his lip. He couldn’t be blamed for one little swat, could he? Smack! Calvin jumped and moaned. Oh, God. Smack, smack, smack . The cheek turned a light shade of pink and he nearly came right then. Matt swallowed and reached for the lube. He had to be inside him. After liberally lubing Calvin’s ass and then his own dick, Matt scooted Calvin on to his knees. “Touch yourself, babe.” Calvin nodded and reached for his cock and pulled it hard. Fuck. His handprints had faded on Calvin’s pale ass, so he swatted each cheek a couple more times. The slaps and simultaneous moans broke the silence in the room. Matt pushed the head of his cock inside Calvin. He paused only 77

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briefly at the ring of muscle and then slid home. “God, yes,” his lover groaned. He began to thrust in and out, settling into a rhythm as Calvin pushed back with his ass, all the while stroking his dick. His balls slapped again and again as he once more made Calvin his. Matt never wanted to stop…never wanted to let go. Calvin’s hand sped up and little whimpers came from his lips. Matt knew he was close. “Come for me, baby. I want to make you scream.” His lover groaned and pumped, tensing and crying out Matt’s name. “Yessssss.” Matt sighed, fucking Calvin’s ass as his own release tore through him. Several minutes later, he held Calvin snug against him. He thanked God he’d be given a second chance. He wouldn’t blow this one. Not ever. “I love you,” he whispered against Calvin’s hair. “Love you, too,” Calvin mumbled sleepily. Matt closed his eyes. He’d gotten what he wanted at last. Funny how he hadn’t known this was what he wanted before he met Calvin. But now he did. He wanted Calvin. And only his heart would do.

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SHAWN LANE

Shawn Lane believes love and passion know no boundaries. Shawn writes both erotic love stories involving men in historical or contemporary settings and interracial romances between men and women. Shawn is always looking for new stories and new characters to create while holding down life in California. *

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Shy, conservative Darrell Lincoln has worked hard to get his job as billing manager for the law firm of Anderson, Llewellyn, and Stevens. For a conscientious worker like Darrell, the job is perfect except for one thing. He has a big-time crush on one of the partners, Travis Anderson. Darrell thinks a gorgeous, wealthy, hotshot lawyer like Travis would be interested in a guy like him only in his dreams. Lonely after the death of his longtime partner, Travis isn’t the dashing, smooth playboy Darrell imagines him to be. In reality he’s just as interested in Darrell.

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