Nobody is Perfick

^e.^'PicK

Bernard

TW2200

Digitized by the Internet Archive r|l in

2010

http://www.archive.org/details/nobodyisperfickOOwabe

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.^^^^ SCHOLASTIC BOOK SERVICES NEW YORK . TORONTO • LONDON • AUCKLAND • SYDNEY • TOKYO

for

and

SHIRA in

and

ELYSE

remen^brance of

RICH ARD

book is sold subject to the condition that it shall not be resold, lent, or otherwise circulated any binding or cover other than that in which it is published — unless prior written permission has been obtained from the publisher — and without a similar condition, including this condition, being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. This in

Copyright

©

1971 by Bernard Waber. This edition is published by Scholastic Book Services, a Magazines, Inc., by arrangement with Houghton Mifflin Company.

division of Scholastic

13 12 11

6 7 8 9/7 0/8

10 9 8 7 6 5 4

Printed

in

the U.S.A.

07

j^

ifm.

NOBODY

C^

lAY

SOMETHING NICE

That's not nice.

ft ^N

a

!

Spiders!

Now you stop

it!

Arthur,

you had just

-Ill

better stop

"<s Creepy things!

^

ii

]

'.r

Crawly, creepy things!

i^7^

//5Wr \

I

don't

to hear

want it.

Oh,

how terrible!

Stop Slimy, crawly,

/M^/^

"^

creepy things!

<2^

S.,'1

^ 1

10

<•

it,

Arthur!

Green, slimy,

You're frightening me!

crawly, creepy things!

7

With beady

'I

eyes!

AR-THUR! AR-THUR!

11

Green, slimy, crawly,

creepy things

with beady eyes

and fangy

teeth!

Oh,

I

stand

=i'

12

V

(

T'.

can't it!

Yilkl

o.^^.v,^:.

.:t:'.

Vl^' 13

J

1^

Lots and lots

and of

lots

thorny legs

/

,

•.

«.•

*

/

' 1

(

,^

j 1

v7'X^

^' l-

14

!

Oh, please!

Oh

,

please stop

'

c 6-C-

c •Cr

•Vx'fc

TU^^

^.

'^0^<<^ .y^"^^^^ La''

ly/^^y^l ^Q \ V /

r^tS'

\^ji^y>\

^

""

MONSTERS! r terrible MONSTERS TERRIBLE ARE COMING! DO YOU HEAR ME?

t^.

C

\j

Ooooooh!

/

\

o

^

V

15

.

THEY ARE CRAWLING OUT OF CAVES.., RISING FROM THE SEA. DROPPING FROM THE SKY! .

MONSTERS! MONSTERS!

WE ARE SURROUNDED!

You're /

-/

'

•

^

i^HJ f\i

16

1

'

^\

so scary,

f

I

I

,';!

1,;^

Harriet! Harriet! It's

in

time to come

now, dear.

)

11/'

.'

*

17

Oh! Oh! to

go

I

have

in.

This was fun. Let's do

it

tomorrow.

!

'l-y-r'

I

18

(

4

IV

77TI

again,

.

Grrr

.

.

Cc>s

19

THAT WAS SOME DREAM.

Last night ... ha! ha! ha! I

dreamed

.

.

.

ha! ha! ha! I

dreamed

I

was

^^'^ 7

in this

strange place

ha! ha! ha!

.

.

'

i

\}»

.

'i'f^ilf'-

i*?

y

/vVv M

f

-

\

21

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

And

in this place

ha! ha! ha! there were these

.

ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!

purple cows

.

.

.

/-fffz/'y.

ha! ha! ha!

\

'^^"'^^'^'T'

1 /'^

22

•

Ha! Ha! Ha!

And

these purple cows

were wearing striped

.

.

ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!

/-^V^

W'^S^

'C"

"•

!

'I

aJ'^

Ha! Ha! Ha! Striped

what?

23

»

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Striped

Ha! Ha! Ha! ir''

.

.

.

ha

ha

ha!

ha

ha

ha!

ha

ha

ha!

/

Striped what?

/'''.

24

Ha Ha! Ha! Ha Ha! Ha! Ha Ha! Ha! '

Ha

Ha

It's

too funny!

I'll

have to

ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! tell

you

,

.

.

ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! later.

.

.

ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!

,€^^^^. ^x 1 i^i ri V*;k.

^i'

1

28

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!,

Ha!

r^vT^

iV

.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Goodha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!

bye

,

.

ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha!

29

Ha' Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha

Ha: Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

%

'4^

/v\ //

30

Ha! Ha!

31

Hmmmmmmmmm

/M%

32

STRIPED WHAT???????

11j V.

^«

_V

f

m'^^^''-

33

WAS SOME DAYDREAM

I'HAT

Mm.]iii]iniiii]mimiiii]^ y^

4

/

fi

^^

^'^'^

^

" "^

t--^^ I

am going

to

have

a daydream. I

can

feel it

coming

on.

/<" •T

^

^

But to I

I

don't

want

have a daydream.

really don't

want

to

have

I

a daydream. (^.

'>

^

-'^^^^j

-n^

^ at

36

^

^

^^

vi/t"

I

am pinching

myself so

I

won't have a

daydream.

I

am having a

glass of water

'^la::: J>

Cr-

sol won't have a daydream.

37

am chewing bubble gum I

so

I

won't have

a daydream.

I

am making

myself dizzy so

I

won't have

a daydream.

p-r^ 7-C\ V\\^fe -/

:v

>(*,!«

^

:S^a

38

'mmm^

I

am rolling

over and over so

I

won't have

a daydream.

* 39

I

don't

want

to

have a daydream. I

really don't

to

40

want

have a daydream.

.

I

will think about arithmetic.

and how

and I

I

I

if I

give

.

.

.

.

have a dozen pears

away seven

would then have.

would then have

.

.

^

41

r

a daydream.

42

,

/

f

/^

r '

r.

ii-

'i-

ii

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M .\ !v\

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S.4

^'^

'/,


NO RAIN AGAIN TODAY 1^' I

have a new

raincoat.

See

my new

raincoat.

_.^

And I have a new rainhat. See my new rainhat.

And I have new rainboots.

See

my new

rainboots.

46

:i^^

And I have a new umbrella. See

my new

umbrella.

47

And I wait for rain. I

wait and wait and wait.

^U^.

But every day the sun keeps shining.

Cvt-

L^--^ •

*

•

.

..

y

H

49

-,.o

.w

/

di^

50

^

and shining...

^J^f s^-"--

51

So

I

can't

wear

my new raincoat.

And I

can't

wear

my new rainhat.

52

And I can't wear

my new rainboots.

53

And I

can't carry

my new umbrella.

54

.

Each night I whisper: if

only

it

would rain

if

only

it

would rain.

.

.

55

\ '!l

But

in the

morning

the bright sun

wakes me.

56

1

/

And then I know I will have

to face

another

AWFUL, TERRIBLE, MISERABLE, ROTTEN, MEAN, NASTY beautiful

new

day.

57

/ 0

S^i^

DIARY

This It's

is

my

diary.

very private

.

.

and very personal. I won't let anyone read

it.

"^^^

Not even your mother? Not even your father?

60

Not even my mother. Not even my father.

NO!

May

I

look at

it?

It's

personal

and

private.

61

May

I

just peek at

the color of the

^a

pages?

/ / ^-3^

\

i

n^rrH 7 4^

I

i

All right

.

.

.

just the color

of the pages.

Please?

Oh, please

62

!

Pink!

Oh,

,

how

beautiful

'i .

!

!!

May y-^'' "^

I

just peek

at the

first

word

on the

first

page?

^.

^1

i^

NO!

C i^^^el

V\^AW

64

Look. I'll

let

wear

you

my

bracelet.

Indian

You You Well

will!

really will? .

.

.

all right,

but

just the first

word on the first

page.

That's

all!

65

It says, "I."

There!

t////'

The is

66

first

"I."

word

NO!

May

I just

peek

It's

personal

and

private.

9

at the

second

word? Please-^

"171/

I'll

feed

Thliii^.^

let

You

you

my

will!

Well

cat. ;^^

1 '^(^^%

|,i,

all

promise? .

.

.

right,

just the

jj

second word.

And

f< \

^L

You

that's

all.

Understand? 67

!

It says,

There

68

"I think

"think." .

.

."

I.

!i

May

I just

at the third

peek

word?

^

Please? Please? Please?

^s

y

I'll

let

you wear

good-luck charm.

my Aunt

my The one

Grace sent from

Atlantic City.

You

will!

All right

.

.

.

just the third word.

AND THAT'S

ALL! IS ALL!

THAT UNDERSTAND!

70

It says, ''David."

There!

"I think

David

.' .

.

71

Please,

may

I

at the fourth

peek

word?

Oh, please? Oh, please? Please? Please? Please?

No! No! No!

No! No! No! Once and for all

.

.

.

NO!

a

%MBm I

t^SSk'^

you

I'll

let

my

baby

dress

sister.

r

li-t

M P^\A.

RIGHT

.

.

Jj-^-

—

'~-m-"r

.

just the fourth word.

And that's the last! LAST! LAST! LAST!

73

It says, "is."

"I think David Is

is

.

.

."

what? I

74

can't

tell

you.

It*s

"Is" It's

not is

fair.

such a

little

word.

hardly a word at

It shouldn't

all.

have counted

as a word.

D^^

-^mi

75

Please,

may

see the fifth

I

word?

NO!

Please?

Please?

,

fl

.

11

76

^l "i^ mT^^^ fe ,.

\

^:

i

•i :•".

!i:

'v

J

£

g;:;

ft

^

I

•1

•

*

i«

If

you won't

let

me

see the fifth word, I

won't be your friend.

You won't? You mean it?

77

There! There's the fifth

word. It says, I

"nice."

think David

is

nice."

Uh-huh.

Do you Do you

really? really

think David is

78

nice?

^ V^

i|i;i''

You You

like

like

him?

him?

really

Uh-huh.

79

a*

80

^s-y"-^*^

1 ;;

I

^'

i

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

r

0^

v^

COME BACK HERE

ITTING UP STRAIGHT

In the beginning I

always

sit

up

straight.

Like

this.

83

See

up

how

I sit

straight.

Straight as a

poker, I

84

sit.

/^f,,

And

I

keep

remembering to sit

up

straight.

That's because I tell

myself

to sit

up

^JJ,,, -,

in,,i

J.

straight.

L

if/i'j'

85

I

say to myself,

"You up

straight.

Now

86

are to

sit

Hear?

don't you forget

it.

Remember now,

sit

up

straight.

Sit

up

straight!

Sit

up

straight!!"

And then it happens. When does it happen? I

begin to forget

I

am

^*

supposed to

remember to straight.

sit

up

r*

v

ir/'

f

^lU'

V-^

T\

87

And

I

keep

forgetting

I

88

V,

.

.

«//,«

.

and forgetting

>'"M> './i-jjf

and

forgetting

/^

' >\

to

90

sit

up

straight.

Suddenly, says, Sit

my

"You

up

teacher

are slumping.

straight!"

91

And

then

to begin

92

I all

have over

^/7^/

,

^

f ^ fl&i]]

to

remember

to

sit

up

straight

to

sit

up

straight

to

sit

up

straight

93

TEN BEST -

'-0 »

.(. !

J

VI

;/ 11 ill

ll

I

ii

(

}

:

;

•

J

:<" ;iJ

.' i

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f

4'

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lb

'!-

'

I

t

^^^

.-viT (

St

-1-

'^T^*:3:*l^*

V -r

i'What are •you doing?

am working on my ten -best list. I

,x

^.^

'

\ 95

Ten Ten

\

96

best what?

best days

of the year.

"if

Are there only ten? There are

only-

ten best.

Well, is

my

there

first,

of course, there

birthday. is

And

then

Christmas, Easter,

Halloween, Thanksgiving, July 4th,

my

mother's birthday,

birthday, the

first

my

day of

father's

spring,

and the first

fr

of

day

summer

in that

'^i'^'^iS^

order.

97

m

IB rnr,r^.:i ^'t

iiT-.»-__f v» J

I

» How

about the

first

day of winter? You can

make first

a

snowman on

day of winter

sometimes.

98

.

.

the .

!

11

i

W

:l'

i^i^i^vi

i

E

Then why the

first

don't you add

day of winter

to your list? Isn't

that a good idea?

m

'

C I can't.

[i)*ri\

/

^^ 1

Because that would

N\

You

r

make

eleven.

1

can't,

have eleven

on a ten-best

not?

-

•

'-

-

^-

-

f

list.

1

R mm

ri'flS x-'^^-

fVj 1

i^^ Then why don't you change it

to an eleven -best

Isn't that a

jk^^iif

list?

good idea?

(•^o 1%':

100

/If

ftp.

ffh

Why

not?

Because

I will

v.^^

change

ISJ

ten-best

^

fL

all

of

lists

have to

my

other

to

eleven best.

i'l'L^ I

have

It's

lots of other lists.

one of the ten best

things I like to do:

make

lists.

101

Let

me

see

.

well, first I

,

.

have

ten-best-friends-of-

the-year

What

kinds

of lists?

/'n.

102

list.

my

And

then

I

have

my

ten best colors,

ten best things to do, ten best television programs, ten best games, ten best songs, ten best books,

ten best ice cream flavors, ten best things to be

when

I

I

want

grow up,

and ten best ways to asleep

fall

on a hot night.

^-

103

Why.

do you

make

.

lists?

So

I will

know what the ten best are, silly.

104

^^|'\ T^,

'

|\

!

Did you call

me .r/TX

silly?

'r^\l

(l

You asked silly

You're the one

who if

is

silly,

a

question.

You're sillier

you want to

know.

YOU'RE REAL SILLY!

105

You're

sillier!

You're the person in

my

That's silly

I

silliest

met

ever

whole

life!

how

you

are.

Just for that

I'm going to cross

j

you

off of

my

ten-

best-friends-of-the-

year

list!

Yes,

you were.

But now, I'm going to cross

Was

I

on your

ten-best-friends-

of-the-year

Was

106

list?

I really?

ml

you

off.

"if r

I'll

put Doris

Dinkerhoffer in

your place.

GOOD-BYE

107

Oh,

who

silly

old

cares about her list

anyway?

Yes,

108

who

cares?

rr~-

109

PETER PERFECT The

Your name

is

Story of a Perfect

Boy

Peter Perfect

and you are the perfect

boy.

PLEASE

THANK YOU EXCUSE ME I

BEG YOUR PARDON

YES, SIR

NO, SIR

YOU'RE VERY WELCOME

TO BE SURE

111

!

Your mother is

proud

of you.

.^^ -v-.v

%^'

MY

SON, PETER, IS

PERFECT BOY. I NEVER HAVE A MOMENT'S TROUBLE WITH HIM. HE EATS EVERYTHING. HE IS WONDERFUL.

He Does he eat raw eggs?

112

THE

loves

them.

Raw Yilk

eggs !

Your

father

is

proud of you.

MY

SON, PETER, IS

MORE

THAN WONDERFUL. HE IS PERFECT.

What

is

more than perfect?

Superperfect?

Maybe.

113

Your teacher

is

proud of you.

PETER PERFECT ALWAYS SITS UP STRAIGHT. PETER PERFECT IS NEVER ABSENT OR LATE. PETER PERFECT IS ALWAYS HELPFUL. PETER PERFECT NEVER DAYDREAMS. PETER PERFECT ALWAYS COMES PREPARED WITH A SHARP PENCIL.

~^.

\

/

/

^^

^^^

This morning I

had a

pencil

with a point.

Now,

I

Does that make you pointless?

have

a pencil without a point.

115

People, everywhere, are talking

about you, Peter Perfect. 'DID

YOU KNOW THAT PETER PERFECT HAS NEVER

PANTS ?J™?B_^-^ SLURPED MILK

GIGGLED IN CLASS TRIPPED OVER HIS OWN FEET BROKEN A TOY

,.

TALKED WITH HIS MOUTH FULL

SLAMMED A DOOR

INTERRUPTED WHEN OTHERS SPEAK

..

J LEANED ON HIS ELBOVv( STUCK OUT HIS TONGUE

Ill

SCUFFED HIS SHOES PASSED A NOTE OR LOST SO MUCH AS A GLOVE?'

I

am

looking

for a glove.

Has anyone seen

my

glove?

Sorry.

It's

•

brown,

with green

'*'

o

>

polka dots

and a hole

in

the thumb.

117

Mothers make an example

WHY

';)

of you.

CAN'T YOU BE LIKE PETER

PERFECT? PETER PERFECT WOULD NEVER EAT SPAGHETTI WITH HIS FINGERS. NOT PETER PERFECT!

119

^WHEN MY SON, PETER PERFECT, TAKES A BATH, I NEVER HAVE TO REMIND HIM TO SCRUB BEHIND HIS EARS.' His Mother o

^

^

y

*,j»

"^^

:i/x.^ TO

Peter Perfect's

mother never has to raise her voice

120

rf.

*^ How

does he

when

she

know

means

it?

I::

^PETER PERFECT HAS PERFECT

V;

MANNERS. HE NEVER DROPS CRUMBS \

ON

HIS LAP.' His Grandmother

.

'

..

'\

\^

^

^n^'^*"^*

?iiSi>^

You have crumbs on your

lap.

^PETER PERFECT'S STRAWS DO NOT GET BENT

OR MUSHY AT THE ENDS.'

^

\i?^^

Soda Fountain

U $k

^^r

my ^^^^^^

This

is

fifth

straw

already.

^M

r^^^K

*^\|) \'C'

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m)

.^^^

.v4i 122

They just don't make straws the way they used to.

^

I

Man

I

always

seem to

lose

righties.

':r:

\^ 123

;

e

o It's

the

o

third rightie I've lost this winter.

v?;:^

Have you tried lost

See, I

am

wearing two lefties

two

different

colored lefties.

124

and

found?

^PETER PERFECT SLEEPS WITHOUT A NIGHTLIGHT.' His Grandfather

'SiPB:^|/

'

/

i

.1

II

;i

\

\

^

^X

How

about

extrafine

Maybe.

superperfect

with stars

and

A

pluses?

^PETER PERFECT

PERFECT BECAUSE I RAISED HIM

m^

IS

PERFECTLY.' His Father

U

)

126

W:

It

Say three times, fast:

PETER PERFECT'S PAPA PICKED A PERFECT PETER!

Peter

rerfic's

ricked da

Perter Perfect's popper

pata

picked a perfect peeper!

ferfic reeter!

Peter perpic's papa

pockta perpic peeta!

.^^^rf^-Jn, ij^

-

If

only you were

Peter Perfect!

128

real,

[l^^-^^ct/X hohfibk too p«^fect 1

15

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