Never the Same

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Samhain Publishing, Ltd. 512 Forest Lake Drive Warner Robins, Georgia 31093 Never the Same Copyright © 2007 by Diane Craver Cover by Anne Cain ISBN: 1-59998-323-0 www.samhainpublishing.com All Rights Are Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. First Samhain Publishing, Ltd. electronic publication: February 2007

Never the Same Diane Craver

Dedication

To my loving and awesome daughter, April, who brings joy, vitality and blessings to my life.

Never the Same

Chapter One The night before the flight… Kimberly Collins wasn’t a patient person. When she wanted something, she wanted it now. Right now, she wanted her husband, Steve, in bed with her. She sighed, wondering how much longer it’d take him in the bathroom. She ran her fingers over her new teddy. She’d chosen the exquisite cream-colored lace for this last night home before her buying trip to New York. It used to be she never had to resort to seductive clothing to interest her husband, but he’d been working hard on a new advertising account and, with her busy at the store, they hadn’t made love for a couple of weeks—or maybe longer. She couldn’t even remember. She sniffed her wrist. Good, just the right amount of fragrance. Too much of her raspberry body spray was overwhelming. She pushed her hair away from her face. No hair spray tonight. Steve hated the stuff. Kim plumped up both pillows and glanced at the clock radio. After fourteen years of marriage, she knew his routine: a shower and a tooth brushing before bed every night. But he should’ve been out of the bathroom by now. “Steve, you almost done?” “Yeah, do you need to use the bathroom?” “No.” She thought about telling him not to use his new mouthwash tonight. The antiseptic smell made her think of a sterile hospital. She wanted a

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romantic night, but the gargling sounds coming from the bathroom said she was too late. Steve, wearing only plaid, flannel boxer shorts, walked over to the dresser mirror. He flexed his right arm. “What do you think? Is the daily weight lifting doing anything?” She almost groaned out loud. She’d given him video clips from old family movies as a surprise for his fortieth birthday, but her plan had backfired. After watching the clips and seeing himself in his younger, thinner high school and college days, he complained how much older he looked now and became depressed. Obsessed with his appearance, he joined her twin brothers’ gym and started weight lifting. He patted his stomach. “Does this look better?” “You look great. Very buff and…” She peered at him. “Sexy and the best-looking guy I know.” She meant every word. He was a handsome man with his thick black hair and blue eyes. After throwing back the cranberry floral comforter, Steve got into the king-size bed, but stayed on his side. “Man, I’m tired. Getting up to go to the gym before work is wearing me out.” “I don’t see how you can exercise so early.” She scooted over close and ran her finger along his arm, hoping he’d take the hint. “If I don’t go in the morning, I don’t seem to be able to work it in.” He gave her a quick, dismissive kiss. “Night, babe. I better get some shuteye.” “It’s early yet. I thought maybe we could spend some time together. We won’t see each other for a few days.” “Oh, yeah. You’re leaving again.” He yawned. “Where you off to this time?” “New York,” she clipped out, irritated. “I told you I need to see the new clothing lines so I can get my orders placed.” The phone rang and Steve said, “It’s probably for me. John said he’d call about my plans for a new account.”

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She knew it was his boss when she heard Steve say, “Hi, John.” They could talk advertising for hours. She might as well start reading her sister’s romantic suspense novel, Escapade, her latest best-seller. After she read several pages, Steve got off the phone. She closed the book and put it back on the nightstand. “Did John like your suggestions?” “No. He never does.” “He used to love your ideas.” “Well, he’s a stuffed shirt now. He never wants to do anything innovative.” Steve raised his eyebrows. “John reminds me of my organized wife, a control freak.” She playfully tapped his shoulder. “Stop. I’m not that bad.” “What about all your daily lists?” She nodded. “I like lists because I seem to do the best with well-made plans. Since John doesn’t know a great idea when he hears one, we should make a new plan for our lives together.” “What’s the plan, babe?” “Quit your job. Take over the advertising at Altman’s. We’d get to see each other more often.” “We worked together once and you hated it.” “I disliked the work I did at the firm. I loved working with you.” “Don’t think we can live on what I’d make doing ads for one store.” “Well, on the side, you can do modeling.” She brushed her fingers across his chest. “This bod would sell a lot of clothes.” He laughed. “I doubt that. Clothes aren’t my thing. I could live in ripped jeans.” He fingered the lace on her teddy. “You’re not wearing your usual tonight. What happened to the covered-from-chin-to-feet look?” “Very funny. I decided to be like you and wear next to nothing to bed.” She stretched the elastic of his boxers back and forth. “I’m hoping your body heat will keep me warm.” “You know, I was just thinking a little exercise might be nice.” His gaze dropped from her eyes to her shoulders and he slid the teddy off her www.samhainpublishing.com

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body. “I love your breasts.” He ran his fingers tenderly over them. He held one as his mouth drew the nipple in and sucked on it, then did the same with her other nipple. It’d been a long time since he’d touched her breasts. Too long. She buried her hands in his thick hair before she pushed his boxers down. “You need to be free of these.” She rubbed the tip of his erection. “Oh, hon, it feels so good,” he said. “I’m glad.” He slid his fingers between her thighs and probed gently. “I’ve missed you.” She clutched him as pleasure swept through her. “I love you.” “I love you, too.” He pulled her on top of him. With his hands on her butt, he moved her back and forth. She gave him a long, deep kiss, wanting to go wild and beg for it, but she couldn’t concentrate. Why couldn’t she make him happy and have mind-blowing sex? His original indifference and John’s phone call had probably ruined her mood. Steve rolled her over and entered her in one thrust. She had a moment’s satisfaction before he came and rolled off her body. Duty done, she realized. Kim rested her head on his shoulder and threw her arm across his stomach. So much for having great sex before leaving. If they’d spent some meaningful time together earlier in the evening and shared a personal conversation or two, she would’ve had an orgasm. Or if they’d talked sexy to each other before this evening and made plans for a romantic night, it might have helped her mood. A little more foreplay would’ve been nice, but Steve seemed to have lost interest. Glancing at the clock, she said, “I guess I better let you go to sleep since you have to get up early to work out.” He kissed her cheek. “I’m not going to the gym tomorrow. I’m taking you to the airport.” “You don’t have to.” “I want to. We might have freezing rain. I know you hate driving in that stuff.” 8

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She grimaced. “Great. They’ll probably cancel the flight, and my whole schedule will be messed up.” “They wouldn’t dare. The pilots would risk everyone’s lives so you can get there on time.” Her jaw tightened. “That’s not true. I’d never put my schedule ahead of people’s safety.” “Hey, babe, I was joking.” “Okay, but it didn’t come across that way.” Fifteen minutes later, she sat up in bed and adjusted the pillow behind her. Steve’s sarcastic joke about the flight bothered her. She wouldn’t jeopardize other people’s lives. His mentioning her lists, her controlling personality and yet another trip hurt her feelings, too. He seemed to think her job was top priority to her. It didn’t used to be that way. In the beginning, they’d been in love and he’d been sensitive to her feelings and had never said anything like this to her. What happened? If we could only recapture the wonderful feeling we had in the early days of falling in love. She smiled at the memory of meeting Steve. She’d just completed her first year of college and had been selected to be one of ten students in a special summer program. Since she worked in the fashion office, Kim assisted with various store jobs. Opening boxes of new merchandise, helping coordinate the items and assisting with the store interior and window displays were all in a day’s work. Steve stopped to talk to her when she was helping the window dresser. “Could you please tell me where I can find Carol Ballard?” Kim took one look at him and assumed he was the male model Carol was expecting. After she’d given the handsome guy directions, she found accessorizing her mannequins difficult. Her imagination kept wandering to his vibrant blue eyes and sexy smile. “I don’t think the necklace goes with the swimsuit,” Steve said to her when he came back. “Then again, what do I know about women’s fashions?” Since she’d been deep in thought, Steve startled her. She lost her balance, and she and the mannequin bumped into Steve. With one hand, www.samhainpublishing.com

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he sat the curvy mannequin back in her spot, then put both arms around her. “Are you all right?” he asked. “Yes… I can’t believe I lost my balance. I’m not usually clumsy.” He smiled. “Good news. At least I think it is. You’ll be seeing more of me. I’m going to be doing television ads for the store.” And what fun it’d been for them when he’d done the store advertising. They didn’t do anything together now. “Steve, when I get back from this trip, we need to talk about concentrating more on our relationship. What do you think?” When he didn’t answer, she moved over to him and peered at his face. The full moon cast a light over his closed eyes. She sighed. He’d always gone to sleep quickly after sex, while it made her wide awake. But in the past, he’d held her next to him. Now he’d moved to sleep on the other side of the bed. She leaned over, brushing a kiss on his forehead. While trying to sleep, she decided their marriage wasn’t going to stay on rocky ground. Since he was taking her to the airport, she’d tell him then how they needed to make changes. She’d explain how they didn’t understand each other as well as they once did, and they didn’t listen to each other. Both were at fault since they worked all the time. Of course, he was liable to argue, “Hey, babe, who’s the one leaving here? It seems like you’re the person who needs to make the changes.” Then what would she say? *** Victoria Moorhead stood in front of her full-length mirror. She looked the same. She placed her hand over her stomach. It felt the same. But it wasn’t the same. Her baby was growing inside her. Why had she and Ryan celebrated their victories so intimately that fateful night? As co-captain of the football team, he was excited when his team won the

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league championship. Her soccer team had also won their league, so they’d drunk a little too much beer and lost all control. She glanced in the mirror a last time before climbing into bed. She was wearing the University of North Carolina T-shirt her dad had bought for her on their last campus visit. “Well, golden girl, you did it,” he’d said, using the expression he’d begun to use after the accident that killed her mother and paralyzed him. At first she’d thought he called her that because of her blonde hair. Later, she realized she was his golden girl because the accident had left her uninjured. “God has something special in mind for you,” he reminded her often. Her cell phone rang and she answered it. “Tori, I can’t sleep,” Ryan said. “I keep thinking about tomorrow.” She sat on her oversized blue-and-white striped beanbag chair. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep, either. I’m scared.” “Does your dad suspect anything?” Ryan asked. “No, he thinks I’m going to New York so Blair can help me find a dress for the sweetheart dance.” Her half-sister Blair worked for the airlines and she’d booked the flight for her. She felt guilty about lying to her dad, but she couldn’t tell him about the baby. “I don’t want you to have an abortion. I’ve been thinking we can get married. I’ll still go to college, and after I graduate and get a job, I’ll pay for you to go.” “We’re too young to get married now and…” She hesitated because what she’d just said troubled her. How could she be too young to be a wife, but old enough to kill her baby? “I can’t lose my scholarship. My dad would be heartbroken. He’s lived for the day I go to college and make something of myself.” “I know I’m asking a lot, but please don’t go through with it.” “If I stay pregnant, I won’t get to go to UNC.” Tori sighed. “It’s not fair. You won’t have to give up anything. Guys never suffer when they get girls pregnant.”

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“Honey, scholarship Loyola. You while you’re

I’m sorry about everything. I know how much your means to you. You did get an academic scholarship at could go there and live at home. We could hire a babysitter in class.”

“My dad and I always dreamed I’d play on the women’s soccer team at the Olympics someday.” “Whatever you do, I love you.” Her eyes teared. “I love you, too.” “I’ll drive you to the airport.” “Maybe the plane will crash, and I won’t survive. Everything will be out of my hands and I won’t have to go through with the abortion.” “Don’t say that. Flying to New York is dumb anyhow. Since you’re determined to have the abortion, you should just go to a clinic in Chicago.” “I can’t take a chance that my dad or anyone learns I’m pregnant.” A thought occurred to her. “You didn’t tell anyone, did you?” “I promised you I wouldn’t and I didn’t. It’s been hard not telling my parents, because I think they should know.” “I wish you could tell them, but I’m afraid if they know, they’ll try to stop me.” “I’m not sure what they would do.” Weighted down with adult responsibilities, they became quiet. Creating a new life when both of them were kids had been a stupid thing to do. The only thing left to discuss was when to leave for the airport in the morning. Ryan sounded so sad, Tori was relieved to say good-bye. After crawling into bed, she held her beige teddy bear next to her chest. She’d slept with this bear for years. Before her mother had died, they’d made a hat and dress out of blue and red material for the bear. The finishing touch was a little heart necklace. If only she could talk to her mom. What would Mom tell her to do?

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She didn’t have to think long. Her mother had often told her how thankful she’d been to have Tori. Her mother’s physician had told her she might never have a child. Clutching her bear, she could almost hear her mother’s gentle voice saying, Victoria, having you was a miracle. A child is such a precious gift. She would tell her to have the baby. The realization startled her and she trembled. But her mother was dead and couldn’t help. Tori didn’t have a choice but to have an abortion. Maybe after the abortion, God would somehow see to it that her mother could welcome the baby into heaven. Her tears fell on the bear.

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Chapter Two Time was running out, but as rushed as she was, Kim had to take a last check through her house. Countless other trips hadn’t caused her this much anxiety. She couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling something was wrong. She ran up the stairs to check on her children. Because of the early hour, both Gaby and Jason were still sleeping, and it’d be a couple of hours before they got up for school. She quietly opened Gaby’s door and walked across the room to peek at her daughter. Enough light shone into the room from the hallway that she could see Gaby’s face. When she leaned over to kiss her forehead, Gaby opened her eyes and yawned. “I’m sorry,” Kim said. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” Gaby smiled. “I’m glad you did. I’ll miss you. Don’t forget about looking for my graduation dress.” “I’ll look for a dress, but I’m not making any promises I’ll find one. You might already have something in your closet to wear.” “I don’t want to wear something old.” Kim kissed Gaby on the cheek. “Spend some time with Jason while I’m gone. And I need to get going. I love you.” She walked down the hallway and entered Jason’s room with its collections of things boys like: model cars and airplanes, Harry Potter books, soccer trophies and pictures of Chicago Bulls players in matching frames. She glanced at his stack of video games. She didn’t want him playing alone too much while she was gone. Maybe he could invite his friend Max over, although Jason said Max didn’t like their housekeeper Janice’s cooking. He wanted Max over when Kim was home.

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She shivered. His room was always too cool in the winter. She pulled the basketball bedspread over his body. Jason flung his arm out from under the cover, but he slept on. Although disappointed she wouldn’t get to talk to him before she left, she was glad he could sleep a little longer before school. When Jason was four years old, he’d been afraid to sleep in his room, so she’d drawn him a guardian angel. Her drawing was still tacked up over his bed. Although he no longer had trouble sleeping, he refused to take it down, even when Gaby told him how stupid the picture looked among his other stuff. She tenderly pushed a lock of his black hair away from his face and felt a twinge of guilt. Jason hated her shopping trips. He was so unlike Gaby. She always wanted Kim to bring her some exclusive item from her travels, but Jason never asked her to buy him an expensive present. All he ever wanted was for her to come back as soon as possible. “I love you, Jason,” she whispered. “I promise to hurry home.” She might as well take a few more minutes to check her bedroom. Maybe she’d forgotten something. She walked through the doorway and saw her inhaler on the top of the dresser. Even though she probably wouldn’t use it on this trip, she definitely needed to take it. Steve slid his arms into his suit jacket. “Are you ready?” She nodded. “Just checking to make sure I have everything.” “I’ll go get the car.” In the foyer, Kim stopped to put on her winter coat. Janice, a trim woman in her early fifties, poked her head through the doorway. “Steve took your luggage out.” “Thanks. I appreciate you coming early,” Kim said. “The omelet was delicious.” She and Steve never could have managed all these years without dependable Janice. And she was more than a housekeeper to them; she was a dear friend. “I couldn’t let you go without eating,” Janice said. “I know the airlines have cut out food on their flights.” At the front door, Kim smiled. “You take a nap while the children are at school. Oh, how’s Patti?” Janice’s daughter, Patti, was expecting a www.samhainpublishing.com

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baby in three weeks, and Janice had asked to take two weeks off to help her after the birth. “She’s miserable and can’t sleep. The doctor told her the baby’s big.” “Let’s hope the remaining time goes fast for her. I’ll call you when I get to New York. Bye.” Before opening the car door of Steve’s black Lexus, she noticed dark, formidable clouds. Great, looks like I can’t avoid the rain. “You ready to go, babe?” Steve asked. “I don’t feel ready.” Kim put on her seat belt. “You know how sometimes when you’re leaving, you feel like you’ve left something undone, but you haven’t?” “You never forget anything.” “I’m just jumpy today. Like something is about to happen.” “Maybe you drank too much coffee.” As he drove around the circular driveway, Kim stared at their twostorey brick house. “You know, honey, we’re blessed. We have a great family, good jobs, a beautiful house. I don’t know. Maybe we have too much.” “I never thought I’d hear you say something like that. Too much.” He shook his head. “You always said you wanted it all after the way you grew up.” The way she grew up. An old house that needed paint, cold, drafty rooms, hand-me-down clothes, an unhappy mother, an inattentive father, a painfully shy sister and twin baby brothers crying for their mother but getting a sister’s care instead. “I know.” She nodded. “I wanted everything to be perfect for Gaby and Jason and us. We have a lot of things I never had, but we don’t have time for each other. We both work too much.” Steve took his attention off the road and looked at her. “Hon, your schedule doesn’t allow for family time.” “You’re right. I’m been thinking of cutting down so I’ll be home more.” “You’ve said that before, but it’s never happened.” 16

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“I want to start delegating more work to Allison.” A few months ago she’d hired Allison to be her assistant so her workload could gradually be reduced. “She’s doing a good job and we work great together.” “Is she going on this trip with you?” “She’s already there. She went yesterday to be with her boyfriend in New York.” He grinned. “I remember Allison’s boyfriend at the store’s Christmas party. He was all over her and she loved every minute of it.” Mentioning the hot couple made her remember her performance in bed. She picked a piece of lint off her coat and cleared her throat. “Sorry about last night. I know you were disappointed I didn’t get excited.” “You always want to make love the night before a big shopping trip. I think your list must read, Do it with Steve tonight.” He winked. “Babe, I always wonder when you’re not into it emotionally and just there physically if you’re already thinking about jumping out of bed to check me off your list.” “You make it sound like I think of you as a chore, but I just wanted to feel close to you before we parted. I guess I needed for us to spend some quality time together.” Sadness crept into her voice. “I miss the closeness we had.” He took his hand off the steering wheel and squeezed her knee. “Do we have time to pull over and make love in our backseat?” She giggled in surprise. “Crazy, but tempting.” Rain pelted against the windshield. He turned on the wipers. “Great, the weather forecast had to be right this once. Maybe that’s why you’ve been jumpy this morning.” She shook her head. “Actually, I’m worried about Jason. Last night he begged me to cancel my trip.” “He always misses you a lot.” “I know you’re busy with that new account, but could you take Jason to a Bulls game?” “Sure.”

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Although the streets weren’t slick yet, Steve drove carefully. Kim looked out the window at the nasty weather, glad he’d missed his usual morning workout at the fitness club to drive her. “Thanks for driving me.” “That’s okay. You hate to drive in this.” She coughed. She couldn’t get sick now. The last week of January was important with this buying trip, and February would be a busy month for her. “I hope you have your inhaler.” Steve turned to look at her. “Your asthma might flare up on the plane.” “I have it in my purse, but I won’t need it. I won’t have time to exercise and flying isn’t stressful to me.” “What if something on the plane sets off your allergies?” Here we go again. Steve never gave her credit for taking care of herself and always blamed her rare asthma attacks on her frequent trips. “I’ll be sure to use my inhaler. This isn’t life or death. I’m not a diabetic who needs insulin.” She wouldn’t give in to her one weakness and allow her asthma to control the way she lived. Besides, she did try to prevent the asthma attacks. “And what about last winter?” he asked sharply. “You had your inhaler and I still had to rush you to the hospital emergency room.” “I’ll be fine, and that was the only time I had to go to the hospital.” She touched her chest. “No tightening here.” *** In a less affluent neighborhood of Chicago, Tori slipped on the icy sidewalk and Ryan grabbed her. She leaned against him for a second. “I’m glad you caught me. I feel weak and dizzy.” “Did you eat anything? We could go to the Burger King drivethrough.”

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“I ate a few stale crackers. We don’t have time to stop.” He opened the car door of his mother’s Honda Civic and helped her in. He got into the driver’s seat and started the car. “I’m sorry I’m late. Mom kept asking me why you were going to New York on a school day.” She straightened in her seat. “You didn’t tell her the truth, did you?” “No, but I don’t like to lie to her.” Ryan was the most honest person she knew, and she was making him lie for her. “I’m sorry. I just can’t risk my dad finding out I’m pregnant.” He looked at her. “If my mom saw you now, she’d know something was wrong. You look sick.” “I feel like I’m going to puke.” She rested her head against Ryan’s shoulder. “That’s why I only ate crackers this morning.” Ryan glanced at her. “I wish you’d let me talk to Mom. She’d be a good person to help us since she’s a nurse.” “Oh, Ryan, we’ve talked about all this.” She raised her head to look at him and sighed. So early in the morning and he still looked hot. A running back and wrestler, Ryan had a solid but trim build. He kept his light brown hair short, and she loved his gray eyes because she always saw kindness in them. “I’m just trying to help.” “When I felt myself falling, I was afraid of hurting the baby.” She chewed on her lip. “Pretty stupid, huh, to care about falling and injuring the baby when I’m going to get rid of him…or her anyhow.” “I don’t think that’s stupid. It’s dumb I’m not going with you to the clinic. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.” “Blair will be with me. If we both miss school, everyone will wonder why. Everything’s covered this way. Just remember if anyone asks you, I’m sick, which is true now. But if you talk to my dad, Blair’s helping me shop for a dress for the dance. And don’t forget to call the office before you go to school. Remember to say you’re Mr. Moorhead and your daughter’s home ill today. That way my absence will be excused. If you

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forget, they’ll call Daddy to see why I’m not at school. He thinks I have a free day from scoring high on my exams.” “I’ll remember.” Under his breath, he said, “I still think you shouldn’t go.” She put her hand on his knee and watched the wipers go back and forth. If a short delay would be necessary, she could still make her appointment. But what if they canceled the flight because of the rain? She couldn’t go through this agony again.

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Chapter Three Kim walked to her seat by the window, put her bag above and removed her coat. From her seat, she peered out the window and watched men haul luggage to the plane. Well, that was good, they definitely weren’t going to remain grounded today. She pulled her cell phone out of her purse and talked to the children before they left for school. She smiled, thinking how even early in the morning Gaby hadn’t forgotten to remind her again to look for an eighth-grade graduation dress. Kim opened her laptop and decided to work while waiting for the plane to take off. She’d spent several minutes on a clothing spreadsheet when Jillian stopped in the aisle. Kim was pleased to see her. She traveled frequently on the early flights with the young attendant. “Hey, famous.” Jillian smiled at Kim. “I saw your picture in the Sunday paper and I read about your seminar on fashion tips.” In a recent newspaper insert, there’d been an article about Kim and several photos of her. The journalist credited her for bringing elegance to Chicago women. She’d opened a French boutique in the designer women’s department. “Yes, I just started a free bimonthly seminar.” “Cool. That’ll get women in the store to buy.” “I’m hoping it will.” Kim glanced at the empty seats on the plane. “Looks like some no-shows this morning. I wonder if the weather had something to do with it.” Jillian shrugged. “Maybe. I’m glad you’re on this flight. I have news to tell you. I’m getting married in June.”

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“Congratulations,” Kim said. “Who’s the lucky guy?” “Paul Spencer. He’s director at the Y where I take my aerobic classes.” “Come to the store soon. I’ll help you with your dress and the bridesmaids’ dresses.” “Okay, but we’re having a small wedding with one bridesmaid. Since Paul was married before, we both decided not to have a big event.” Curt, another flight attendant, tapped Jillian’s shoulder. “Don’t bore our passengers with your wedding plans,” he said in a teasing voice. Jillian said, “I heard you telling a passenger how rough it is to pottytrain your child. What an interesting conversation that was.” Kim laughed as Jillian nudged Curt while they walked away. She heard Jillian explaining to Curt how everyone liked to hear about romantic things. A small overnight bag suddenly hit Kim’s leg. In the aisle, a young girl blushed. “Sorry.” Kim smiled at the girl. “It’s all right.” The teenager wore a school jacket and jeans. Why was she going to New York instead of school? After she’d stowed her bag overhead, the girl sat next to Kim. “Hello. I’m Kim Collins.” She watched the girl nervously twisting her silver ring. “Is this your first flight?” “Hi. I’m Tori Moorhead.” She glanced away from Kim and watched the rain, now falling in frozen sheets. “I’ve flown before, but I’m worried about the weather.” The pilot announced, “I’m sorry, but we need to de-ice before taking off.” “A delay. That’s all I need,” Kim said. “I hate waiting and I don’t want to get behind schedule. Do you need to be in New York by a certain time?” “I’m meeting my sister.” Tori fingered her long, blonde hair before putting it behind her ear. “We’re going dress shopping for a school dance.”

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Jillian appeared and smiled at Tori. “You happen to be sitting next to the right lady. Kim’s a fashion buyer for one of the biggest stores in Chicago.” “Excuse me.” Tori stood and rushed toward the restrooms at the back of the plane. “She looks sick,” Kim said, staring. Jillian nodded. “She does look pale.” *** Kim was watching again when Tori walked back to her seat for the third time. Resenting the stare that made her feel as guilty as a criminal, Tori looked away. The lady was lucky she’d only been bumped into earlier and not thrown up on. She’d just spilled her guts in the bathroom. She might as well look on the bright side. There couldn’t be anything left to throw up. She squirmed in her seat, trying to get comfortable, and folded her hands. She took a peek at Kim. Good, she was watching the pink fluid wash down the window and wings. Even though Tori never spent much on clothes, she could tell Kim wore the expensive designer stuff. Her black v-neck sheath looked great with the one-button jacket. And her boots were awesome. She’d be great to have for a mother when a girl needed help buying special outfits. Tori hated going shopping with Blair. Her taste in clothes was weird. Actually, she and Blair had only one thing in common, the same father. His first marriage to Blair’s mother had ended in divorce. She hadn’t liked calling about her pregnancy, but she hadn’t known what else to do. She got to fly for free since her half-sister worked for the airlines. With her stomach churning and head spinning, she wondered if her body was trying to tell her something. It was as if the stress of secretly flying away from her dad was making her ill. This was the first day she’d felt this bad since she got pregnant.

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What she needed was Ryan. It’d been a mistake to make him go to school. Maybe she should stand up and get off the plane. They could both go to the clinic here instead. No, that was crazy. She knew deep down Ryan couldn’t handle walking into an abortion clinic. He didn’t believe in abortion. If he didn’t go with her, she hoped he wouldn’t feel responsible for the loss of their child. Suddenly, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She sat straight in her seat. Trying to relax, Tori took a deep, slow breath. As she let the breath out of her lungs, the pilot made an announcement. “We’ve been cleared for takeoff. Will all passengers kindly fasten their seat belts?” As she buckled her belt, she felt trapped by it all. She didn’t want to be pregnant. Ryan’s forlorn face when they’d parted came to her mind. She wiped the wetness off her cheeks and tried to stop crying. But she knew only Ryan could stop her tears, and he wasn’t here. Kim looked at Tori with kind eyes. “Tori, what’s wrong?” “Nothing. I think I might be coming down with something. I threw up the little breakfast I had. My sister Blair and I have a big day planned, and I don’t want to be sick. Do you think it’s safe for us to take off with these weather conditions?”

Kim buckled her seat belt. “Sure. We’ll actually fly over the bad weather. Planes fly at altitudes well above storms—fog, you know any kind of bad weather. We won’t be in it except on take-off and landing.” “You don’t feel nervous about leaving Chicago?” Kim coughed several times. “Excuse me. I’m not concerned about it being safe to fly. It must be, or the air traffic controller wouldn’t have given clearance.” After the jet was airborne, the flight attendants got busy serving little packages of wafers and a choice of coffee or a soft drink. When Jillian came to them, Tori refused the snacks. Kim said, “Maybe you could try some wafers to see if your stomach will tolerate that.” Jillian nodded. “Wafers might help.” 24

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Tori shook her head. “Thanks, but I’ll just wait until we get to New York.” “Will your sister be there to meet you when we land? The reason I ask is because I have a teenage daughter, and I wouldn’t want her to be sick and alone at an airport.” “My sister’s going to be there waiting.” Tori frowned. “I just wish we’d get there.” “I do, too.” Kim looked concerned. “If you change your mind about eating or if you need anything, let me know.” Tori nodded. “Thanks for being so nice.” Kim patted her arm. “Hope you feel better.”

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Chapter Four Thirty minutes of endless circling wore on all the passengers’ and flight crew’s nerves. Because of bad weather surrounding New York’s Kennedy International, the pilot hadn’t attempted to land, but instead had been flying around the airport in hopes the weather would improve. Gripping the arm rests of her seat, Kim heard the thunder rolling. The rain sheeted down the window and beat against the body of the plane. The weather wasn’t showing any signs of letting up. A crash was very likely. She glanced around at the other passengers and saw the tension on their faces. Actually, a more accurate word would be fear. What would happen when the plane attempted to land? How many of them would panic? She noticed one peaceful woman holding a rosary of white beads to her lips in prayer. Hopefully she prayed for them to survive whatever might happen. “Tori, we need to be prepared for a crash.” “We’re going to die, aren’t we?” Kim saw the fear in Tori’s eyes. “If the unexpected happens, we can survive. All you have to do is listen to me because this might save your life. Look carefully at that exit.” Kim pointed to the one nearest their seats. “If we crash, smoke might blind our eyes, and it’s good to know where the exits are. If there’s a fire, there’ll be smoke. Don’t breathe the smoke if you can avoid it. Bend down to get under it. If we’re crawling on the floor in the dark, it’s important to know where the exit is.” Kim jumped at a loud crack of thunder. “That scared me, too,” Tori said.

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Jillian walked by and Kim waved her hand. “Jillian, wait.” “Yes,” Jillian said. “I noticed we’ve been flying around the airport for a long time. What’s the pilot going to do? Land in this thunderstorm? We have to be getting low on fuel.” Jillian nodded. “I think he’ll get clearance to land soon.” “I wish they’d canceled the flight in the first place,” Tori said, turning her silver ring around on her finger. “I’m scared of landing in a storm.” “Everything’s going to be fine,” Jillian said. “You’ll be looking for a dress soon. And if you should want any help shopping, Kim is a great person to ask for advice.” “Hey, I just had an idea.” Kim patted Tori’s arm. “We can have a girls’ night. I can help Jillian look for her wedding dress and we’ll look for your dress, too.” “Okay, but only if you look for something to wear to my wedding.” Jillian grinned. “Now I’d better get back to work.” “I can’t wait to get off this plane,” Tori said. “But I keep worrying we might crash. If we do, what’ll happen to my dad? He’s in a wheelchair and we’re so close. I can’t bear to think I might not see him again.” Kim couldn’t imagine not seeing her loved ones again, but at this point, anything was possible. In her many flights, she’d always felt safer in the air than traveling in a car. Come on, Kim, she told herself, remember reading how more people die every year in automobile accidents than on planes? She nervously cracked her fingers, realizing this fact wasn’t taking away her feelings of despair. Could this be happening to her? She took a deep breath, trying to relax. She didn’t need an asthma attack on top of everything else. Could Tori’s fears about dying be real? Jillian stood in front of the passenger compartment. “The pilot just informed me the thunderstorm hasn’t stopped, but we have to land because we only have so much extra fuel. There’s nothing to worry about. But because we’re not landing under ideal conditions, I need to go over an emergency drill with you.” She said firmly, “Remove shoes, www.samhainpublishing.com

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eyeglasses and anything sharp from your pockets, please. We just want to be extra cautious in case of impact so none of these items will cause injuries.” Kim coughed before noticing Jillian’s reassuring words didn’t match her strained face. Suddenly, everything was clear to her. First, it was the freezing rain in Chicago, now a severe thunderstorm in New York. She gasped—this flight was doomed from the beginning. She knew now what had caused her earlier uneasiness. Oh, dear God, she was going to die today. She wanted to go back home, be with her family, see her brothers and have her sister Laura bring her children. Her parents were in Florida and even though she wasn’t especially close to them, she wanted to hear their voices. She shoved her hand into her purse and located her Advair Diskus. After opening it, she put the mouthpiece to her lips. She breathed in her dose of medication. She closed the inhaler before returning it to her purse. After the passengers finished removing their items, Jillian instructed, “Fasten your seat belts and put your head on your arms.” Tori’s hands were shaking so much she couldn’t fasten her belt. “Kim, I’m so scared.” Kim clicked the belt for her. “It’s going to be okay.” “Thanks for caring about me.” Kim squeezed Tori’s hand. “You remind me of my daughter, Gaby. When we get out of here, I want you to meet her.” “If you make it and I don’t, tell my boyfriend, Ryan Stafford, and my dad how much I love them.” “Do the same for me with my family.” She loved Steve, Gaby and Jason. She might die and never see them again. Why hadn’t she canceled this trip? Kim made the sign of the cross. Lightning flashed so close to the window that she jumped. She grabbed one wrist with the other and, leaning over to tuck her head, coughed hard. With her head in her lap to brace for impact, she felt tightness in her chest. Oh no. Not an asthma attack now. She peeked to be sure Tori had her head down. 28

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The plane descended gradually toward the runway. A violent burst of air hit the plane, and Kim was yanked back up hard. Her insides were jerked enough that she felt sick to her stomach. “It feels like my guts were ripped out,” Tori said. The plane was falling like a rock, and she was going to die. Her whole life she’d been a control freak and always put her job ahead of her family. And now, in what was probably her final moment, she knew what was important to her. Her loved ones. Nothing else mattered any more. Her chest tightened and her heart felt heavy. She prayed, Dear God, I don’t want to die. I’ve been so selfish and want another chance. If You spare my life, I’ll quit my job and be a better wife and mother. The nose of the plane dived, plunging toward the hard runway. Purses and briefcases slid along the floor, and Kim winced when a briefcase slammed into her ankle. The doors of the overhead luggage compartments flapped open and luggage flew out, thumping against seats, walls and people. Passengers screamed, “We’re going to crash. We’re going to die.” Someone shouted, “God help us!” Terrible shrieking metallic noises cut the air. The jarring impact of the crash stunned her. For a few moments, she couldn’t lift her head. She licked her lips and tasted blood. She was alive. Thank You, God. Her right leg ached. Blood stained her skirt. Lifting the hem, she applied pressure to the cut above her knee. Everywhere, people shouted for their loved ones. A child whimpering for her mother worried Kim. Please be alive. She turned to Tori and saw her head was still in her lap. Kim shook her gently. “Tori, wake up.” When Tori didn’t open her eyes, Kim became alarmed. Was she dead? She placed her fingers on Tori’s wrist and felt a pulse. Her body vibrated with relief, but it didn’t last long. How would she get off the plane? She coughed and her chest tightened with pain. She slumped forward. With

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her rapid breathing, Kim realized an asthma attack was coming on. She couldn’t find her purse; it could be anywhere. Curt yelled, “Stay calm and go to the exits.” Without her inhaler, breathing exercises were the only thing she could do to stop her asthma attack. If she couldn’t, dying on the plane was a real possibility. She placed her left hand on her chest and her right hand on her abdomen and took a deep breath. She had to be calm. She slowly exhaled. After a few minutes of concentrated effort, her breathing slowed. She smelled smoke. They had to go out of the plane. First, she’d try again to rouse Tori. She said Tori’s name and shook her several times before the girl slowly lifted her head. “You must have blacked out during the crash. Tori, we need to get out of here.” “I remember something hitting my head.” As the door thumped open, Kim heard the whooshing noise of the chute unrolling. She helped Tori to her feet. The air was becoming smoky and people rushed for the exits. “Kim, I’m scared. I can’t see.” “Let me by you and you can follow me to the closest exit.” “Okay.” Tori moved so Kim could get around her. “Get down on your knees. We can crawl on the floor under the smoke.” Kim guided Tori to the floor. “The aisle’s hot.” “We’ll be out of this soon.” Since the aisle was scorching, Kim knew the fire would move fast to the inside. She didn’t mention this because she didn’t want to scare Tori. They’d covered only a short distance when Kim heard a child say, “Mommy, I peed my panties.” When no one answered the child, Kim looked frantically for the mother. The smoke was too thick to see a parent, so she moved her arm

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in the area around the little girl. She didn’t feel another person. She said, “I’m taking you with us to get out of the plane.” “I want my mommy.” “We’ll look for her after we get out of here. I promise.” Sniffling, the girl said, “Okay.” Kim pulled off her jacket and grabbed the girl. “I’m going to cover you with my jacket.” She didn’t want to chance the fire burning her. She positioned the child under her body. “We’re going to pretend we’re bugs and crawl out of this plane. Tori, are you doing okay?” In a hoarse voice, Tori said, “Yes.” The debris in the aisle slowed them down. Then Kim bumped into the dangling arm of a dead body. Chills ran through her as she moved the limp arm out of her way. She sensed death all around her. Her eyes burned from the heavy smoke, and the air felt ready to explode. It seemed like hours but actually was only a few minutes when they heard Curt yelling, “Hurry, go down the chute.” “I’ll take this little girl with me. Tori, are you able to go down the chute alone?” She remembered how sick Tori had been. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” Before Kim went out the main door, she said, “We’ll go down a slide to reach the ground. Don’t be scared. I’ll hold you all the way.” Kim put the girl tightly between her knees. They quickly slid down the slick surface and tumbled onto the ground. A man shouted, “Get away from the plane.” After Tori scrambled from the slide, they all ran to the other waiting passengers. Kim hugged both girls, thinking how blessed they were to be alive. Tori sobbed in Kim’s arms. “You saved my life.” Kim rubbed her back, and within a few minutes of their exiting, the jet exploded into flames. How many managed to get off in time? She couldn’t wait to see her family and hug them. She could have died in that plane, but instead God www.samhainpublishing.com

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had answered her prayer. Some people didn’t survive and because she had, her life would never be the same.

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Chapter Five Tori drained the bacon before putting it on her dad’s plate. She carefully flipped his eggs. She wanted his over-easy eggs perfect this morning because it was a small thing she could do for him. Only three days since the crash, but today she needed to tell him about the baby. She’d be three months pregnant soon. She hated to tell him because her news would break his heart. Ever since she was a little girl, she’d loved playing soccer, and he’d worked hard to make sure she was at all the practices and games. When she was in fifth grade, her dad decided the regular school teams weren’t enough of a challenge and had her try out for an A level select team. The select fees were high and the team traveled to several out-of-state tournaments that were expensive due to hotel, food and travel costs. In the off-season, she played both school and select basketball, too. Both of them loved sports, except only she played. A few years ago, she tried convincing him to participate in wheelchair basketball, but he refused. He said watching her score on the field and basketball court was enough for him. Her dad’s wheelchair squeaked as he entered the kitchen. Tori finished spreading strawberry jam on wheat toast. “Perfect timing, Dad,” she said as she carried his plate to the table. “Honey, you should have slept in this morning.” “I wanted to fix your breakfast.” He took a sip of coffee. “I’m glad you’re taking the doctor’s advice and staying home this week from school. You’ve been through a lot.”

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After the crash, Tori, Kim and the other passengers had been taken to the hospital. Tori was lucky she only had some nasty scratches and bruises. After she told the doctor about her pregnancy, he checked her out thoroughly. She was relieved to hear the baby’s strong heartbeat. Although she was sad forty-three passengers had died, she was thankful to be alive and relieved her baby hadn’t been injured. Life was just so precious, she’d told Ryan. Tori, sitting on a chair across from her father, nibbled a piece of toast. “Kim’s at home, too.” “I enjoyed meeting her and her husband.” Kim’s husband had gotten a flight as soon as he could to be with his wife. Since neither Tori nor Kim wanted to get on a return flight to Chicago, Steve rented a car in New York. He drove them home as soon as they were released from the emergency room. Tori smiled. “I noticed how you looked disappointed when you realized she was married.” The first woman he seemed interested in for a long time and she wasn’t available. “She’s a beautiful woman. And kind, too.” Her father put down his fork. “I keep thinking what if she hadn’t been the person next to you. Someone else might have just gotten off the plane and left you to die.” Tori nodded. “She stayed calm the whole time. I talked to her yesterday and she wants us to visit soon and meet her kids.” He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “I doubt if I can go.” “Yes, you can. Since Kim has her family over for holiday dinners, she had a ramp put in for her aunt who’s in a wheelchair.” “Well, that’s a change. I won’t be able to complain I’ll be left out.” She fingered the hood string of her navy blue sweatshirt. She hated to ruin his mood, but it couldn’t wait. “Daddy, before you start working, I need to talk to you.” “Sure. I like working at home so I’m here to talk to my favorite girl.” He was an accountant and had an office in their small brick ranch house. He worked at home three or four days a week, depending on his

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boss’s workload, and went in the days it was absolutely necessary. He had a wheelchair accessible van with adapted hand pedals to use since he had no use of his feet. “I wasn’t going to New York to get a dress.” Her dad gave her a puzzled look. “You said you had to go that particular day for a special sale, and Blair wanted you to come.” Tori clasped her hands tightly. “I lied. I went to get an abortion.” He shook his head. “I don’t understand.” “Daddy, I’m sorry. I’m pregnant.” “Pregnant,” he yelled. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” She took a deep breath. “I’m not kidding.” “You’re a smart girl. How could you be so stupid and get pregnant with a full college scholarship?” “Ryan and I never meant it to happen.” She couldn’t look at him and she put her head down. “We drank one night at a party and later we just got carried away.” “I warned you not to get too serious.” She walked to the sink and got a drink of water. She gulped the water and turned, giving him a steady look. “Daddy, I do love Ryan, but I’m sorry for everything and that I’ve hurt you.” “How far along are you?” She forced herself to meet his eyes and saw how angry he looked. “I’ll be three months pregnant in another week.” “That’ll be February. You must be due in August?” “Yes, that’s right.” The baby would be due during his birthday month, but she didn’t think it was a good time to mention this. He banged his cup against the table so hard she was surprised it didn’t shatter. “I need to be alone right now.” On his way out, he accidentally rammed his chair into the woodwork. Pieces of wood splintered onto the floor. Maybe he meant to take his frustration out on the wood. At least that was better than running her over with his chair. But he wouldn’t hit her, he never had. www.samhainpublishing.com

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Her sad gaze followed her father. Things would never be the same between them. After she spent several minutes cleaning the kitchen, she walked down the hallway to her dad’s office. His door was shut and she put her ear to the door. She didn’t hear any noise, no phone conversations, no shuffling of papers, and no music…Just a dead silence. She sighed. When she heard the phone ringing, she hurried to the kitchen to answer it. “Hello.” “Hi. How are you doing?” At the sound of Ryan’s voice, her throat tightened with stress. “Not so great. I just told Dad about the baby and he’s pretty upset.” “He loves you. He just needs time to get used to it.” “I hope so,” she said, clasping the receiver tightly. “When I tell my parents, I’m sure they won’t be congratulating me. They’ll be upset, too.” “I love you, Ryan.” “I love you, too. I have to go to class, but I’ll bring your homework over tonight.” “Okay, thanks. Good luck telling your parents.” After they said goodbye, her father appeared in the kitchen. “Who was on the phone?” “Ryan. He’s bringing my schoolwork over tonight.” “I’m glad, honey girl. You don’t want to fall behind.” Using his affectionate name for her was a good sign. He must not be quite as angry at her. She cleared her throat. “Do you hate me?” “Victoria, of course not. How can you ever think I’d hate you? I love you.” Her eyes filled with tears. “The day of the flight, I told Ryan if the plane crashed, maybe I wouldn’t survive…then I wouldn’t have to have an abortion. I feel bad I said that when some people died.” He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “You mentioning a plane crash didn’t make it happen.” 36

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“I know, but I feel guilty.” “I guess Blair knew what you planned on doing.” She nodded. “Please don’t be mad at her. I asked her not to tell you and I promised I’d tell you today.” “I wish you would have told me in the beginning.” “We didn’t tell Ryan’s parents either,” she said. “Do they know now?” She shook her head. “He was waiting until I told you.” “Why did you go to New York?” “I didn’t want to have an abortion here where someone might find out.” “I’m not happy you got pregnant, but I’m glad you didn’t get an abortion.” She patted her stomach. “I’m sure everyone will know soon.” “Maybe you’ll be like your mother. She didn’t show early.” He ran his fingers through his gray hair. “You just had your college signing the other week. Did you know you were pregnant then?” “No, but I did soon after. I bought a home pregnancy test. And I did go to a family clinic to see a doctor, just to be sure.” “I know you’ve talked to Kim since she brought you home. Did you tell her why you were going to New York?” “No, I told her the same thing I told you about getting a dress.” “That makes me feel better.” “Why?” “I didn’t think you’d tell a stranger before you told me, but I wondered. Actually I don’t think we should tell anyone yet. We need to focus on a lot of things first.” He pressed his lips together. “Oh, Tori, you’ve worked hard for your scholarship. There has to be a way to still go to college and play soccer.” “I don’t see how.”

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He rubbed his chin and was quiet for a moment. “I’m wondering if the coach would let you stay on the team and start practices late.” She kissed his cheek. “But I can’t see me kicking a soccer ball with a baby in my arms.” “What? I figured you’d put the baby up for adoption.” “Ryan and I talked about it last night. He thinks we should get married.” “That’s crazy.” Her dad gripped his wheels hard, leaning forward. “Two high school graduates with no money. I can’t support you, Ryan and a baby.” “Well, we have six months to decide what to do.” He shrugged. “I guess, but I want you to think how there’re many wonderful couples wanting children and not able to have them. And you’d be giving your baby a chance to have a good life with mature, loving parents.” “I don’t know if I can give my baby away.” She loved her dad, but she needed a woman to talk to about her pregnancy and what to do. Maybe Ryan’s mother. Probably not, that might be awkward. Funny, she just met Kim, but she was the one she wanted to talk to. Not now, but in time she might be able to tell Kim…and she hoped she wouldn’t see disapproval in Kim’s eyes, too.

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Chapter Six With loving eyes, Steve watched Kim sleep. She’d been through such an ordeal. After Laura had seen the news coverage of Kim’s crash, she’d called Steve. For a short time he’d gone crazy with worry, not knowing if she’d died on the plane. When he tried her cell phone, she didn’t answer. Kim’s cell had been lost with her purse, but he finally got to talk to her. Thank God she was one of the twenty-seven survivors. He couldn’t imagine his life without her. After they’d met, he’d fallen quickly in love. Many dates ended with them going to Steve’s condo. They tried to avoid sexual intimacy, but they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Their hands lovingly caressed each other’s naked body, but they never went all the way. Kim wanted to remain a virgin until her wedding night. As hard as it was not to take her virginity, Steve had listened to Kim and also wanted to get married first. Nineteen-year-old Kim hadn’t planned on being married so young, but at twenty-six, Steve was ready. After Steve told Kim how he respected everything about her and wanted to marry her soon, she’d said to him, “I feel loved for the first time. I want to make a life with you.” He remembered how rocky the early years had been since Kim had gotten pregnant soon after their marriage. She’d told him she felt trapped. Because of her mother’s so-called illness, she’d practically raised her younger siblings and hadn’t wanted to start a family so soon. Tension started escalating when Gaby and Jason were small and Kim pursued her fashion career on the fast track. He sighed. Kim maintained a high energy level to meet her family’s needs as best as she could. She had everything perfectly planned and organized by having certain times for certain things. No spontaneity. She www.samhainpublishing.com

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always wanted to make love the night before a big shopping trip. He’d felt like Kim just wanted to do her wifely duty. He wondered if fear entered into her meeting his sexual needs. Did she think he’d screw someone else while she was gone? He didn’t keep that ridiculous thought for long because they trusted each other. Kim trusted him and he knew she was faithful when she was away from home. As tragic as the crash had been, one good thing came out of it for him. Steve felt like he got his wife back the way she was before the store had possessed her mind and body. He leaned closer to her and lightly kissed her on the lips. She needed him now because she could have been one of the victims. The plane crash had unnerved her and he understood why. She was alive while forty-three people had died, including one of the flight attendants, Jillian, who Kim knew personally. Not only had Kim changed emotionally, but physically she was also different. Her beautiful auburn hair had been singed. Yesterday a beautician from Altman’s came to the house to cut Kim’s hair and layer it in a much shorter shag look. A bad bruise covered one cheek and both arms had second-degree burns. The doctor used three stitches for the cut above her knee. Even with her battered appearance, his pulse raced. He wanted to make love again and be inside her. Since the crash, their lovemaking had been exceptional. Kim had surprised him with her passion. Her body was definitely his again. Her mind was totally on him and not focused on the store as before. Kim’s eyelids fluttered, and he smiled at her. “Hi, beautiful.” She smiled back. “What time is it?” “Time for your breakfast. How does Belgian waffles with cream cheese and strawberry topping and bacon sound?” “Fattening but yummy. I guess we can get fat together.” “Hey, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Don’t worry about the calories; we’ll burn them off after breakfast.” “Let’s burn a few now.” She pulled him toward her and her mouth covered his hungrily. 40

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Desire raced through him as her hands explored his body. The waffles could wait. Passion pounded in his chest and he savored each kiss. Finally he groaned. “Babe, this’ll have to hold you until I get back with breakfast. I’ve had the waffle iron plugged in so it’d be hot and ready when you woke up.” Kim laughed. “The waffle iron isn’t the only thing hot and ready for you.” She sat up in bed and lifted her top over her head, tossing it on the floor. His gaze lingered on her nude body. “You know I can’t resist those breasts of yours.” He gently outlined the curves of her breasts, then touched her hardening nipples. She moaned in pleasure and touched his erection. Sliding his boxer shorts down his legs, she said, “We need to get rid of these.” He kicked them off the rest of the way, then kissed her taut nipples until she quivered with ecstasy. Steve slid his finger inside her and feeling the wetness made him want her even more. He couldn’t believe he had it in him to make love so soon. He hadn’t had this much loving in a long time, he thought happily. “You weren’t kidding. You’re hot and ready for me.” Kim gasped as he lowered his body over hers. She squirmed beneath him and cried out, “I need you now, Steve.” “I love it when you want me like this.” He entered her and went deeper as she begged him to, feeling powerful with each thrust. Afterwards, Steve gently kissed Kim. “I love you.” Kim’s head rested on his shoulder. “I love you, too. It’s nice being naked and not having to worry about the kids or Janice being around.” Gaby and Jason were at school, but they’d missed yesterday and wanted to stay home again with their mother. When Steve fed them breakfast earlier, he’d encouraged them to go to school with a promise of ordering pizza for dinner and getting ice cream cones later together at Baskin-Robbins. Thank goodness, the food reward had worked.

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He held Kim close to him. “As much as I like Janice, it’s been great having the house to ourselves the last few days.” “I had my suspicions you arranged an early delivery for Janice’s grandchild,” Kim teased. “I’ll have to admit, I did think about having her go early to her daughter’s, but Mother Nature took care of it for me.” He touched her neck. “Let’s hope our teenager doesn’t see you with all these marks on your body.” “I’m not ashamed of them, but I know what you mean.” Kim chuckled. “I want Laura to see them. She thinks she’s the expert on lovemaking. She adores throwing it up to her big sister.” “Either she has a vivid imagination when she writes her love scenes or one hell of a sex life with Peter.” “I guess both.” But he wondered if there were problems in Peter’s marriage. He’d been friends with his brother-in-law for a long time. They played golf together, talked on the phone and met for lunch about once a month, but lately Peter never mentioned anything at all about Laura. Man, he had a bad feeling now he thought about it. He mentioned how he missed Kim when she went on her buying trips, but Peter never said he missed Laura when he left on his trips to medical conferences. “What’s the frown for?” Kim asked. He didn’t want to worry her and knew how close she was to her sister. “I was just thinking about Laura and Peter. We haven’t done anything with them for a long time. Maybe their kids could come here. Gaby could babysit and we could go to a movie and dinner together.” Kim nodded. “I’ll mention it to Laura.” She ran her finger lightly along the inside of his thigh. “I feel very close to you right now and I have no complaints, but do you think our making love would be even more meaningful if I could get pregnant?” “I don’t see how. We just had the best sex ever. It can’t get any better than this.”

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She shrugged. “But feeling this closeness to me, don’t you wish I could carry your child?” What did she mean by that remark? And why was she bringing this up when she couldn’t get pregnant anyhow? He didn’t want to say the wrong thing here and make her feel bad. “It’s not something I think about since I know you can’t have more children.” “But you did think about it,” Kim reminded him. “Yeah, I guess I did…at first.” She was right. He’d been unhappy she hadn’t wanted more kids. After she had her tubes tied, he’d been resentful. “Would you love me more if I could have a baby?” “Kim, I don’t think you having another baby will determine how much I love you. I love you so much I can’t imagine loving you any more. And I think I better go fix breakfast. I don’t want you to starve.” He grinned. “From lack of food, that is.” “I’m a little hungry after our satisfying workout.” “You sweet thing. I wish I didn’t have to go in today, but it’s only for a few hours,” he said as he climbed out of bed. Since the crash, Steve had stayed home with his boss’s approval. John liked Kim and told Steve she shouldn’t be alone the first few days after a crisis. “I know I can’t stay home indefinitely, but I’m glad Mr. Stinson said I could take a couple of weeks off.” The store president had insisted Kim stay home to recover. He was also delighted to receive free publicity from the media since the television networks portrayed Kim as a heroine for saving a little girl named Megan. Steve pulled on jeans. “Since the doctor said your arms will take two weeks to heal, you need time off. I’m glad Allison went ahead of you this trip.” Kim sat up in bed. “That sure worked out. The one time she doesn’t fly with me, the plane crashes.” He grabbed a T-shirt out of his drawer. “I was surprised when you gave the buying power to her.” He’d overheard Kim’s phone conversation when she put Allison in charge. Although before the flight, Kim had www.samhainpublishing.com

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talked about delegating more work to Allison, he hadn’t believed her. Relinquishing any power was so unlike Kim. “I didn’t want to reschedule and she was already there. She should be able to handle the responsibility.” Kim got out of bed. “I’m going to shower.” He swatted her naked behind on his way to the doorway. “I wish I could join you, but I’d better get busy on breakfast.” After her shower Kim put on one of Steve’s T-shirts with her jeans. She walked into the bedroom and saw him returning the phone to their nightstand. “Who called?” “Laura. She’s kindergarten.”

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“Goodie. I can show her my passion marks.” He smiled. “You’re crazy. I thought about bringing breakfast up to you, but I doubt if we’d eat any food in here.” “We do seem to distract each other,” she said. “Could you do my dressings before we go downstairs?” “Sure.” She went into the bathroom to get her medical supplies and came back to sit on the bed. “Your blisters haven’t broken,” he said as he very gently applied antibiotic cream to her burned arms. “I’m glad. I don’t want the skin to get infected.” He carefully covered her arms with gauze dressings. “How’s that?” “Very good, Dr. Collins. Before we go down to eat, I’m going to take something for pain.” She flipped the lid off an Advil bottle. What an idiot. Pouncing on her probably made her arms throb with pain. “I hope I didn’t hurt your arms when we made love.” She shook her head. “It helped me forget about the pain.” They went downstairs to eat and sat in the breakfast nook with their legs brushing against each other.

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“Your pill’s by your plate,” Steve said. The doctor had given Kim a prescription for antibiotics to prevent infection of her burns. “I love this pampering.” They ate quietly for a few minutes. “Breakfast is great. Thank you.” She looked up from her plate. “How would you feel if I quit my job? I’d give a few months notice. That’s only fair.” What a surprise. Workaholic Kim leaving her job. He knew she wasn’t anxious to fly again, but he never thought she’d quit her job. “If that’s what you want, I’ll support your decision, but you’ve always loved working for Altman’s.” “I know, but I don’t want to be a clothes buyer anymore. It was my life for years, but it doesn’t seem important to me now.” “You felt this way to some extent after September 11th.” “I did, but Allison and I were busy purchasing all the patriotic clothing for the store. We felt like we were doing our part.” Her jaw tightened. “The plane crash has made me think even more about my life. Worrying about what people like to wear and buy seems superficial.” “I can understand how you’d feel differently about your life.” “I survived while others died. I can’t go back to being the person I was before the crash. I wasn’t home enough. I was always on the fast track.” He nodded. “Babe, you know I want you home more. I’ve always hated your traveling. Maybe you can find a less demanding job.” “I don’t want another job. I want to stay home.” He stopped eating and held her hand. “I think you need a rest and you don’t need to decide now. You’ve been through a traumatic experience and it’ll take time to recover.” “Steve, I’m serious. I need to put my life in order. I want to spend more time with you and our children.” He walked to the counter, carrying both their cups. He poured coffee and stirred sugar in his and cream in hers. Was this the time to tell her about the momentous decision he’d made concerning their lives? No, this

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wasn’t the time to share his job problems; she needed to get everything off her chest. He was thankful to feel close to Kim again. And he didn’t want to jeopardize this new closeness. “Before the plane crashed, I prayed to God that if I lived, I’d quit my job and be a better wife and mother.” He never imagined Kim not working outside the home. He wanted her home more, but their lifestyle would have to change without her income. He set the cups down. “We could cut back and live on my income.” For now, anyhow. If he eventually did what he wanted, his income would drop in the beginning. Kim sipped her coffee. “Besides you and the kids, I’ve decided there’s another thing that’ll give my life more purpose, more meaning.” “What’s that?” “A baby. I want a baby.” “What?” he said, stunned. “I don’t understand.” She smiled. “You know those little people who are small replicas of us except they’re sweeter and cuter than any adult I know?” “Yeah, babies are cute, but what about when they keep you awake all night and their diapers seem to be wet all the time?” He didn’t add she’d never changed as many diapers as he had. “Sure, a baby’s a lot of work, but it’s all worth it when he says ‘Daddy’ for the first time.” He needed to change and leave for work, and the conversation was pointless since Kim’s tubes were tied. Relief went through him. “If you want to adopt, we can check out adoption agencies.” She glanced at the clock. “I know you need to go to work and we can talk more later, but I wasn’t considering adoption. I’m thinking about having my surgery reversed.” “You’d go to all that trouble?” Damn, she must have already given more thought to this baby thing than he realized. Maybe he shouldn’t wait to tell her about wanting to quit his job. Money would be tight with a new baby and a new business for him.

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She nodded. “I definitely want to give birth to another baby. I missed out on too much the first two times. If I have the reversal and get pregnant, everything will be different this time.” Yeah, different in what way? Age would be a main difference with both of them being ten years older since Jason was born. Older in years, but not in wisdom. The baby would have two parents going through an identity crisis…and maybe his future agency would flop, then Kim would have a new child and a husband at home. Oh great, she doesn’t expect any opposition, he realized as Kim gave him a long kiss.

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Chapter Seven Kim rinsed the plates before placing them in the dishwasher. Funny, she couldn’t remember the last time she was home alone during the week. Without Janice in the kitchen, the house was definitely different. Although it’d been nice earlier in the morning not to have Janice in the house while they romped in the bedroom, she could use her housekeeper’s soothing presence now. Janice was like the mother she never had growing up. She closed the dishwasher door. She wasn’t used to having free time on her hands and glanced at the clock. Only eleven a.m. Steve planned on returning around three o’clock after he picked up the kids from school. Four hours to do what, she wondered. They didn’t need food since Janice had stocked the kitchen with all kinds of groceries before she left. Laura was coming sometime. It’d be nice to actually have time to visit with her sister and see Corey. Grabbing a dishcloth, she wiped off the table. She felt so loved this morning. They’d known more intimacy in the three days since the crash than for the whole last year of marriage or more. She ached all over for Steve, just thinking about their passionate loving. And she knew why she wanted to concentrate on her husband right now. Making love helped her to escape, and for a short time she could forget she was one of the survivors. If she focused on Steve, she didn’t have time to feel guilty she was alive and Jillian and many others were dead. Life was unfair and had dealt many families a cruel blow. Megan’s mother had died on the plane. Poor little girl. What if Kim had been one of the victims and had left Gaby and Jason motherless? 48

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Just as plunging to the ground had altered her nicely ordered existence, Steve’s plunging inside her took over her guilt for being alive. She was thankful to be taken to another world…one of love and romance, not of smoke and death. She remembered how as Steve had plunged deeper and deeper inside her, she’d wrapped her legs around his buttocks tighter and tighter. She sighed. Coupling between them had never been sweeter. Kim walked to the sink and rinsed the dishcloth. For once in her life, she truly didn’t want to go to work. Her whole life had been turned upside down and she needed time to recover mentally from the crash and to sort through her feelings. A major problem with her job involved the buying trips. How long could she avoid flying? Right now she couldn’t get on a plane to fly to New York, one of her favorite cities, she realized sadly. The painful memories were just too vivid for her to carry on as if nothing had happened. And she had nightmares of crashing over and over again. Crawling out of the fiery plane every night was bad enough, but dead people floating in her dreams troubled her even more. Especially Jillian. Kim always saw her face clearly while the others were blurry. When she heard a knock on the kitchen door, she switched off the noon news. As she opened the door, Laura and Corey walked in carrying soft drinks and Frisch’s bags. Laura handed Kim her drink. “A cherry coke for you.” “Thanks. What if I told you I already ate lunch?” “Didn’t Steve tell you we were bringing food?” Kim shook her head. “No, but he did tell me you were coming. I didn’t eat yet, just kidding.” Corey, dressed in his school uniform, put a bag on the counter and threw his little arms around her. “I love you, Aunt Kim. I was line leader this morning. Your hair’s short.” He pointed to his blond hair. “I just got my hair cut, too. Why did you get your hair cut?” “Whoa, slow down. I love you, too, Corey.” Kim kissed his cheek. “And my long hair didn’t look so great after the crash, so a beautician came to the house and cut it for me. And were you a good line leader?’

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“Yes, but it was hard. Amanda was mad because she said it was her turn to be line leader. She wouldn’t stay in line. And she stuck her tongue out at me when Mrs. Garrett wasn’t looking.” Laura had set the sandwiches, fries and drinks on the table while Corey was talking. He stopped talking so he could open the ketchup packet and squirt it out to dip his fries. “As you can see, Corey still loves fries.” Laura pushed up the sleeves of her orange pullover top. “We had to stop on our way here after kindergarten.” After Corey hungrily ate a few fries, he looked at Kim’s bandaged arms. “Do your arms hurt?” “A little.” “I told everyone at school that your arms got burned because you gave your jacket to that little girl, Megan. And I took the newspaper picture of you and her to show.” “Gaby and Jason took the newspaper picture to school, too.” Kim took a bite out of her cheeseburger and remembered how startled she was when the flash went off in her face. She’d held Megan until her father arrived. The photographer apologized and asked Kim for her name and her little girl’s. After she told him Megan wasn’t her daughter, he wanted to know where the mother was. With Megan right there, Kim hadn’t wanted to tell him she believed Megan’s mother was dead. Instead, she said they were searching for her. Laura, sipping her coke, sat across from Kim. “When I heard on the news that your plane had crashed, I was scared you were dead. It reminded me of the way I felt when Peter had a heart attack. I had no control over whether he lived or died.” Kim nodded. “Steve said he went crazy before I called him.” “I just heard this morning they think wind shear caused the plane to crash.” “Probably from the thunderstorms.” Kim frowned. “I know there’ve been earlier crashes due to wind shear, but I thought they had warning systems on the aircraft now.” 50

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“From black box data, they think the technology malfunctioned. And also the pilot wasn’t as experienced with this type of weather.” Kim nodded. “I remember Jillian telling me the regular pilot had gotten ill and they had to get another pilot for the flight. The wind caused such terrific forces on the plane that I felt sick to my stomach.” After Corey finished his lunch, he went upstairs to play with Jason’s toys. Laura threw away the food wrappings. “What’s new? I can tell you’re thinking about something big here.” “How?” “Simple. You always rub your lower lip with your finger when you’re deep in thought about something.” Kim stood. “Let’s move to the other room.” Laura arranged a throw pillow behind her while sitting on the sofa. “This new couch is nice. When did you get it?” “Last week. I can’t believe I spent so much on it. I don’t want to tell Steve, but I think I like the old sofa better.” “Why don’t you like it now?” “The other one was more comfortable.” “Maybe you can return it and put the old sofa back.” Kim shrugged. “I gave it to Janice and she loves it.” Laura threw her arm on the armrest. “Okay, what’s on your mind, Sis?” “I’m glad you asked. I’ve decided to have a baby.” Ever since she’d mentioned having another child to Steve, she couldn’t stop thinking about becoming a mother again. “A baby,” Laura said in a stunned voice. “I seem to be getting this response today.” “I don’t understand. How are you going to have a baby?” “The usual way…with Steve’s manly help.”

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“Will you stop it,” Laura retorted. “You know what I mean. You had your tubes tied after Jason was born.” Kim picked at the corner of the gauze covering her arm. “I want to have the surgery reversed.” “Oh, Kim. From what I’ve heard it’s pretty final. I did research on restoring fertility. In one of my books, the heroine wanted to have another baby after her only child died. Her tubes had been tied and…” “I remember, and she adopted a Russian baby.” “That’s the one. It’s difficult to perform the delicate surgery necessary to put the tubes back together. You might not get pregnant.” “Well, I know it doesn’t look good, but I have to try.” “And what if you do get pregnant? You’ll have to worry about a tubal pregnancy.” Laura paused with concern in her eyes. “I hate to bring it up, but that would tear you apart. When you had your miscarriage, it was so hard on you.” Kim had been breastfeeding eight-month-old Gaby when she got pregnant. She’d been surprised to have that happen so soon since she was breastfeeding. At first she’d been unhappy, but later they’d been excited about having a second baby. When she’d miscarried, both she and Steve were heartbroken. Kim nodded. “I felt such an incredible loss. Then Mom said I shouldn’t have a baby during the winter. She said to try for April. I lost a baby and she tells me how to replace the one I lost.” “She was trying to comfort you, which she doesn’t seem able to do most of the time.” “Thanks for not rubbing it in that you warned me I’d regret it someday.” Laura had tried hard to talk her out of being sterilized. Laura raised her eyebrows. “Jason’s ten years old. Why do you want another baby?” “I’m not the same person since the crash.” Kim grinned. “Sure I still love cherry cokes and french fries and making love.”

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Laura chuckled. “Not in that order. Obviously, making love is first around here. I noticed your hickeys as soon as we walked in.” “I was hoping you’d see my passion marks. Steve has been attentive, and since I haven’t been at work, we’ve had more time together.” “You two deserve some couple time.” “My priorities have changed. I always wanted a voice in controlling how we spent our combined incomes to live the good life. But after the crash, I see we don’t need as much money to be happy. Steve makes enough now for us to live well. I’ve decided to quit my job at Altman’s.” At Laura’s startled look, Kim said in a hurry, “Not immediately, of course. Sure, we’ll have to cut back some, but I don’t mind doing without a few things.” Laura shook her head. “Kim, you’ve worked hard to get where you are at Altman’s. I don’t know if you’ll be happy not working, and if you change your mind, you might not be able to get your job back.” Kim exhaled a deep breath. “I lived while so many died. I just don’t feel the same way about my life. I can’t believe it myself, but my values have changed.” Laura turned her head, glancing at the stairway in the foyer. “I thought I heard a thud. I’d better check on Corey.” After Laura left to go upstairs, Kim thought about what her sister had said. Would she miss Altman’s? Maybe, but she would have so much else to do. Worthwhile things that mattered. The doorbell rang as Laura returned to the room. She opened the door. A young woman stood on the step holding a big, white-handled basket filled with pink carnations, lavender and yellow daisy pompons with purple and white flowers accenting the main flowers. “This is for Mrs. Kimberly Collins.” “She’s right here.” Laura reached out for the arrangement. As Laura held the flowers, Kim read the card. “It’s from Judith Harrison. She’s one of my regular customers at the store.”

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Laura smiled. “From the size of the basket, she’s a rich customer.” “She buys the expensive fashions by the well-known designers. But she’s generous and donated money for the fundraiser at the hospital.” Kim smelled the flowers before setting the basket on the coffee table. “How was Corey?” “Fine. He’s busy demolishing an old building so he can put up a new one. After he used the blocks to make the first construction, he realized there was a better way to build it.” “That’s my nephew. Always thinking of a better way. He’ll be an architect someday.” Kim rubbed her lip with her finger and told Laura about her prayer. “I need to follow through on this. Then I can spend time being a good wife and mother. That’s much more important than selling clothes to people who already have too much.” “But you’re a good wife and…” The phone rang and Kim picked up the cordless on the coffee table. “Hello.” She covered the mouthpiece and whispered to Laura, “It’s Jillian’s mom.” She’d told Laura about Jillian yesterday and how she’d gotten engaged just before she died. “My husband and I went together to identify Jillian’s body,” Mrs. Jenkins said. “And she probably died from a broken neck.” “I’m sorry. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.” “I’m having a hard time dealing with all this. I just can’t believe Jillian’s dead. She made a quick call before the plane was airborne to tell us she was happy about getting married. She even mentioned you offered to help her with the wedding dress.” “She was excited about marrying Paul.” “Our youngest daughter, Anna, is only fifteen and this is hard on her, too. We all loved Jillian so much,” Mrs. Jenkins sobbed. “My husband’s on the other phone and we were wondering if there’s anything you recall she said or did that—” “Hi, Mrs. Collins. I’m Jillian’s dad. All this is hard on both of us, but we just would like to know how Jillian was during her last moments.”

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Kim understood the parents grasping at every last moment of their daughter’s life. She’d want to know everything if Gaby or Jason died. She told them how Curt had teased Jillian for telling Kim about her upcoming wedding and how Jillian had given it back to Curt with a quick retort about him boring the passengers. Kim included other pieces of information she thought would bring comfort to Jillian’s parents. At the end, Mr. Jenkins said, “Thank you. We appreciate you caring enough to do this.” He sighed. “We’ve made the funeral arrangements. Visitation is from ten to twelve on Saturday at Madison’s Funeral Home.” “I’ll be there. And I’m so sorry this happened. I miss Jillian, too. Please call me if you need anything at all.” “Thank you. I’m going to call Curt now to tell him about the funeral. He’s taking Jillian’s death pretty hard, too. Take care of yourself and I hope your arms heal soon. I can’t believe this happened. It sounds like it shouldn’t have with all their fancy equipment to warn the aircrew about the weather. They said the signals didn’t go off.” “My sister told me the same thing.” After their conversation ended, Laura said softly, “That was nice, telling them what they needed to hear.” “I keep thinking about Jillian. It’s awful she died, and all the others. I can only block it out when Steve and I make love.” Kim cleared her throat. It felt thick. Laura held her hand. “I’m sorry you had to go through this.” “Jillian was such a vital and wonderful person…” Kim’s voice broke Laura hugged Kim. “You shouldn’t feel guilty. It wasn’t your time to die. And we don’t know why certain people died. I’m just glad you survived.” “I’m going to attend Jillian’s funeral. I was with her in her final moments on this earth and I want to be there to say goodbye to her when she’s laid to her final rest.” While Kim cried in her arms, Laura rubbed her back. “I can drive you to the memorial service. I don’t want you to go alone.”

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Chapter Eight “Daddy, I’m going to school today.” Although it was Friday and she’d planned on returning Monday, Tori missed school and basketball practice, so she decided to get a day in before the weekend. She couldn’t afford to miss too much in case she had any problems with her pregnancy later. All the pregnant teenagers on the soaps always had some major crisis and ended up in the hospital to save their unborn babies. “I thought you were going to stay home today.” “I want to play in the game tomorrow. If I go today, I’ll get to play.” She watched her dad put on an awful brown tie. He had the worst taste in clothes. “I guess you’re going to the office.” He nodded. “I need to go in. I can drop you off at school.” “Ryan’s picking me up.” “I didn’t think to ask you yesterday, but are you having morning sickness?” She shook her head. “I was only sick to my stomach the day I flew. When the plane jerked us around, I felt like puking.” “Did Ryan tell his parents?” “Not yet. He’s going to this weekend.” She leaned down to hug him. “Daddy, do you love me?” He gave her a kiss on her cheek and hugged her back. “Golden girl, I love you. You’re my life. After the accident I fought to live because of you.” “I love you, too. I’m sorry I got pregnant.” Tori moved the curtain to glance out the bedroom window. 56

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“I know you are. But I think we need to talk soon about your options. I think adoption is the best choice for everyone.” “Ryan’s here, I have to go,” she said, rushing to the door. She was relieved to have an excuse to avoid talking about adoption. “Bye, Daddy. See you later.” Grabbing a jacket, she bent down to lift her schoolbag. It was heavy since she’d brought all her books home. She’d asked Ryan to bring her everything so she could stay caught up in her AP classes. She glanced in the hallway mirror and smoothed her hair. Ryan had his small truck this morning instead of his mother’s car. He drove an older Ford Ranger. “Hi.” He shifted the gear into first and let his foot off the clutch. “Hi. I couldn’t take staying home another day. You can only sleep so long. And I got tired of watching TV.” And she didn’t like sleeping when she had nightmares of the plane crash. Being one of the survivors, dealing with her pregnancy and having to tell her dad had been overwhelming. She needed to get back into her school routine. “I’d better teach you how to shift so you can drive this.” Although she had her license, she’d never learned how to drive a vehicle with a stick shift. “Why? I don’t know if my insurance will cover me.” He shrugged. “I just thought in case we get married, you might want to drive my truck.” She sighed. “Daddy wants me to put the baby up for adoption, and you want to get married.” The two men she loved the most, and she couldn’t make both of them happy. And could she make the right decision for her and the baby? At the red light, Ryan turned to look at her. “I think we should get married. In a month or two, tell my parents you’re pregnant.” “But I’m not eighteen yet. I don’t know if I could get married without my dad’s permission.” She frowned. “I don’t want to sneak off and get married anyhow.”

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Ryan was quiet while he pulled into the school’s parking lot, and Tori felt relieved to be at school. They wouldn’t talk about their baby in school because the longer they kept their secret, the better it would be for everyone. Talk about pressure. What if she let something slip? *** “What… You’re going to a flight attendant’s funeral?” Gaby gave Kim a bewildered look. “Mom, that’s weird going to a stranger’s funeral. It’s morbid.” In the past, she’d talked about Jillian to her family. Gaby either hadn’t listened or didn’t remember. Kim studied Gaby’s expression. “I know it’s hard to understand, but I flew with Jillian several times.” While Gaby and Jason were at school, Steve had taken Kim to her doctor’s appointment. In the afternoon, Steve went to work for a couple of hours, picked the children up from school and was now on the phone upstairs about a new client. Laura and Corey ate lunch with Peter after he made hospital rounds, seeing newborn babies. On their way home, they stopped to see Kim. Having a full house instead of being alone with her depressing thoughts meant a lot to her. “But just being on her flights doesn’t seem like reason enough to go to her funeral. It isn’t like she was some friend you knew for a long time. I’m sure you could just send flowers and forget about the funeral.” “I think it’s good for your mother to go to the funeral,” Laura said. “Jillian’s parents need all the emotional support they can get right now. What time do you want me to pick you up?” “Around nine-thirty.” “Did you know Jillian?” Gaby asked Laura. Laura shook her head. “No, I usually go on later flights when I go to New York to see my editor. I’m going so your mother doesn’t have to go alone.”

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Gaby finished eating her cookie and grabbed another one. “These cookies are great. You haven’t baked cookies for years.” “Not years, but you’re right, it’s been a little while.” Kim grinned. “Save some for Jason.” “He’s a brat. I’m fed up with him. He went and told Michael I kiss his picture every night before I go to bed. I don’t have his picture and I can’t stand him.” “Who’s Michael?” Kim asked. “I just told you about him last week, Mom. You never listen to me,” Gaby said, irritated. “He started coming to our school this year and he’s weird. Get this…he eats bugs.” “Gaby, I think he’s teasing you. I’m sure he doesn’t eat bugs.” “Yes, he does. I saw him.” Gaby put a handful of cookies on a plate. “I’m going to get out of this school uniform and get some real clothes on.” “Hi, Gaby,” Corey said as he walked into the kitchen. “Hi, squirt.” With her free hand, she ruffled his hair. “I helped make the cookies. Aunt Kim let me put the candy inside.” Gaby smiled at Corey. “That’s why they’re good.” “Is the baby going to sleep in your room?” Corey asked. Gaby almost dropped her plate of cookies. “What baby?” Kim realized Corey must have heard their conversation yesterday. “I can explain. Laura and I were talking about babies and I said how much I’d like to have one.” “Mom, you’re too old,” Gaby said in amazement. “I wanted more than anything for you to have baby years ago. Remember, when I was around ten, I begged you and Daddy for a sister.” “I’m in my thirties. I’m not too old.” Her thirteen-year-old sure was expressing her opinions on why she shouldn’t attend a funeral and telling her she was too old to have a baby. “Has a miracle occurred now?” Gaby asked. “What are you talking about?” Kim asked, confused.

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“When I wanted a sister, you said it was physically impossible for you to have another child. And you mentioned it would take a miracle for you to get pregnant. What gives?” “I couldn’t then, but I’m thinking about going to a doctor to see if surgery is possible.” Kim continued, “I guess the miracle is I want to be part of life and have a baby because I was close to death.” “Who’s going to watch it while you’re at work?” Gaby asked. “Janice might not feel like taking care of a newborn and the house.” “I’m thinking about quitting my job at Altman’s.” “Mom, I think that’d be stupid to quit your job.” Gaby stared at her. “I’m going to be in high school next year. No one else in my class will have a pregnant mother.” “Don’t listen to Gaby,” Jason said as he entered the room. “She wants you to keep working so she has more clothes.” Gaby glared at Jason. “That’s not true. I’m thinking of her. She’ll miss working. You just want her home so she can go to all your dumb games.” Jason opened the refrigerator and took out the milk. “I think having a baby will be fun.” Corey watched Jason pour a glass of milk and said, “Aunt Kim, my mommy can watch your baby while you go to work. And I’ll help her. I can run and get stuff.” “Thanks, Corey. I know you’d be great at that. I’ll be sure to keep your offer in mind.” Kim grinned at Gaby and Jason. “Right now I’m thinking how much I want to stay home, not just for a new baby, but for my two big ones.” “If you’re staying home because of us, why do you want another child?” Gaby raised her eyebrows. “Aren’t we enough for you?” “Honey, of course you and Jason are enough for me. I love you both. Since the crash, I feel God wants me to have another child.” “If you have to have one, I guess a sister would be okay,” Gaby said, shrugging.

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“I want a brother,” Jason said with a mouthful of cookie. “And I like having you home all the time.” “Stop talking with your mouth full. You’re disgusting.” Gaby rolled her eyes. “You’re the reason I don’t want another brother. One’s plenty.” Laura stood and touched Corey’s shoulder. “We’d better go. The girls will be getting home soon. Good luck on your game, Jason. We can’t go tonight, but we’ll try to go to one of them soon.” “Okay, Aunt Laura. I’ll shoot a basket for you tonight.” “That’ll be your only one,” Gaby said. “Mom, are you still going to my game?” “I wouldn’t miss it.” “I’m not going,” Gaby called over her shoulder as she left the kitchen. “I have no desire to see you pick you nose while you sit on the bench.” “Liar, liar,” Jason yelled after Gaby. “I don’t pick my nose. You’re just mad because I’m only in the fourth grade and I play better ball than you do.” “Okay, smarty, I’ll play you a game one-on-one in twenty minutes.” Kim heard Steve in the hallway telling Gaby that everyone was going to Jason’s game, when the phone rang. She was surprised it was a journalist from The Chicago Tribune. The woman wanted to interview Kim for a story about saving Megan’s life and being a survivor. Kim sighed at the idea of doing an interview. She wanted to spare the victims’ families any more grief, and didn’t want to be recognized for what she’d done. Finally she said, “I can’t give you an answer right now, but I’ll think about it.”

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Chapter Nine Steve was glad he’d insisted on taking Kim to Jillian’s funeral instead of Laura. The service hadn’t even started and he noticed her brown eyes were filled with tears. He whispered, “Are you okay?” “I think the man in the front row sitting with Jillian’s parents and sister must be Paul Spencer. He was Jillian’s fiancé.” “That’s right. Jillian talked about her wedding plans to you.” “We mentioned to Tori about going shopping for her dress and Jillian’s wedding gown when we arrived in New York and having a girls’ night together. I can’t believe she’s gone.” “I’m sorry you lost a friend. And I can’t imagine going through what Paul and her family are right now.” Steve held Kim’s hand as the service started. Jillian’s younger sister, Anna, gave the eulogy and shared many wonderful memories of her sister’s life. Anna managed not to cry while she spoke, but faltered at the end when she said, “Jillian wasn’t only my sister, but my very best friend. I’ll miss her every day of my life. I was blessed for fifteen years by having such a caring and kind sister. None of us will ever forget her.” They left immediately after the service. Steve opened the car door for Kim and said, “I’m sorry. I know that was hard on you.” Once he was behind the wheel, she said, “I feel guilty I lived and Jillian died.” She looked at Steve. “Why did this have to happen?” He leaned closer and kissed her. “I don’t know, but every time I look at you I’m thankful to God you lived.” “Jillian was only twenty-four. She had her whole life ahead of her.” 62

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“I know. It’s unfair.” He started the ignition and pulled out of the lot onto the street. “I called Ken this morning while you were getting ready. He wants us to visit him sometime this summer.” “I’d like to. I’m glad you and Ken stay in touch. I still can’t believe he left Chicago and took his family to Oregon.” Over a year ago, Steve’s brother, Ken, started a marketing firm in Portland. “How’s his business?” “It’s only been a year and his business is taking off now. He likes being his own boss.” “I’m sure he does, but just think of all the time involved in starting your own business.” Kim’s cell phone rang and she opened her purse to get it out. “Hi, Allison. How’s it going in New York?” Steve looked at Kim, wondering when he should tell her what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. After his fortieth birthday, he was forced to look at his career, and he realized what he needed to be happy in his work. He wanted to be his own person, his own boss. He wanted to call all the shots about advertising decisions. He was damn tired of maneuvering his way through so many people to get anything done. Politically there were too many little games to play before anything went his way. He couldn’t thrive in that type of work environment. He had to get out. He didn’t just want to get out of this agency. He wanted out of Chicago. He had no desire to start another agency in Chicago, where too many existed similar to the one he already worked for. He wanted a more real and honest setting, where people spoke openly. “Steve,” Kim said, “you need to change lanes so you can turn at the next light.” She returned to her phone conversation. “Thanks, babe. I was thinking about something else.” He sped up and changed lanes. Seconds later, he turned right on the green light. Before the crash, he’d thought about telling Kim his plans, but knew she loved Chicago and her job. He didn’t think she’d want to quit her job and relocate their family. Instead of telling Kim what was bothering him, he’d been moody with her. But now with her wanting to quit her job in a few months, the timing was right. Man, quitting her job was one thing, but

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her moving away from her family was another matter. Kim probably wouldn’t mind being far from her parents; actually she might like that aspect. But she’d miss her brothers. And she and Laura were so close. Tapping the steering wheel at a light, he thought of another problem. He remembered her baby talk. If they both quit their jobs, she’d have to wait and get pregnant after they had insurance with his business. Wait a minute. Kim couldn’t get pregnant until she had a reversal. How much do reversals cost? Although they’d saved money, it’d take a lot for him to start his own agency. Kim’s wanting a baby probably wouldn’t last. She was a wonderful mother, but he couldn’t imagine her actually having another child. He could see her eventually finding another career. Home in his bed. What an exciting lover she’d been the last few days. He’d just gotten his wife back and he certainly didn’t want to share her with a demanding baby. A thought occurred to him that he didn’t like. Had she been using sex to persuade him into giving in? With raised eyebrows, he glanced at Kim. She was good at manipulating people. “Bye, Allison,” Kim said and put her phone away. “Well, babe, how did the buying go without you?” He knew about the daily phone conversations between the two women. “She accomplished what we wanted. She negotiated good prices on all the purchases.” She touched his sleeve. “You look handsome wearing this suit. I can’t believe you haven’t tossed your tie or even loosened it yet.” He grinned. “I can’t either.” If he could talk Kim into moving, he could give his power suits away. Ken had told him he’d look ridiculous wearing suits since the work style was far more comfortable in Portland than in Chicago. He turned onto their street and Kim asked, “Is that Gaby standing on the front step?” He nodded. “She’s waving for us to hurry.” “What happened now?” she said with concern. “Jason probably did something she didn’t like.” 64

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As the car drew closer, Kim shook her head. “I don’t think it’s Jason. Look at her. She’s curled her hair and has makeup on and she’s wearing her dressy black pants. She must want to go some place.” Steve hit the button on the remote and the garage door rose. Before he could pull in, Gaby came next to the car. He rolled down his window. “Is something wrong?” Gaby shook her head. “Mom, I tried to call but figured you must have turned off your cell phone because of the funeral. A reporter for The Chicago Tribune will be here in an hour to take pictures of you.” “I never told them I’d do it.” Gaby shrugged. “I did. They can’t wait and want to get it in the next issue. I told them I’d call you and if I didn’t call back, it’d be fine.” “But we never talked.” “Mom, just think of the publicity for the store, and with your injuries, you look like a survivor.” She pointed to the garage. “Go ahead and drive in.” “Yes, ma’am.” Steve grinned until he saw the look in Kim’s eyes. “What’s wrong, honey?” “I wish Gaby hadn’t agreed I’d do this. I don’t want to talk to them.” “I’ll call and cancel it.” After they entered the house, Gaby mentioned, “Oh, Tori’s coming over. I knew you wouldn’t want to bother Megan and her father. And they already have the newspaper shot of you holding Megan after the crash. I told them how you had to wake Tori up and you saved her, too.” “Gaby, give me the phone number,” Steve said, giving her a stern look. “Your mother doesn’t want to be interviewed.” Kim released a long sigh. “I’ll do it, but don’t do any more PR work for me. Why would you call Tori? You don’t even know her.” “I talked to her last night when you were sleeping. I remembered her picture in the paper when she had her signing and I asked her stuff about high school soccer.”

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An hour later, Steve greeted the photographer and reporter from the paper. Tori had just arrived a few minutes earlier. After the photographer, Jake, shot several pictures of Kim with her family, he shot several with just Kim and Tori. “I know the passengers were told the plane had to land during a thunderstorm. What went through your mind before the plane crashed?” Missy, the reporter, asked Tori. Tori, sitting on the sofa next to Kim, nodded. “I was terrified. I told Kim if I died and she lived, to tell my dad and my boyfriend, Ryan, how much I loved them.” “What about you, Kim?” Missy asked. “I was afraid I’d never see my family again,” Kim said, “and I prayed.” “After the plane crashed, what was it like trying to get off?” Missy asked with her pen poised over a steno pad. “I blacked out and Kim didn’t leave me.” Tori squeezed Kim’s hand. “I would have died if she hadn’t been sitting next to me. She saved my life by getting me off the plane when she did.” Steve felt chilled. What if Kim hadn’t gotten Tori to move? Kim would never have left her there and would have kept trying to revive the girl. He felt sure of that, and both women would have died. “Kim, what was it like escaping the burning plane?” Missy asked. “I knew we didn’t have very much time because I could feel the heat, and with all the smoke, you couldn’t see anything.” Kim paused. “It seemed to take forever to crawl through the plane.” Tori clenched her hands. “I remember feeling sad and creeped out at the same time because I knew some people were already dead.” “And death was around us when the plane exploded seconds after we slid down the chute and had moved away from the plane,” Kim said. “Tori and I looked in disbelief at the wreckage, knowing we’d been spared. I was so distressed some people hadn’t made it out in time.”

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“And thank God, you survived. I’m sure you two look at things differently now.” Missy asked, “Kim, how has this experience changed your life?” “I’m not the same person.” Kim glanced at Steve, who stood close by. “My priorities are different. And I want to make changes in my life.” “What kind of changes?” Missy asked. “Mr. Stinson at Altman’s has been kind enough to give me several days off to recover physically and emotionally from the crash. And I’m using this time to be with my family. And I’ve thinking about my life and what I want now.” Kim looked at Jason, Gaby and Steve. “I’d like very much to have another child.” Missy stopped writing and raised her eyebrows. “That’s a big change, all right.” You’re telling me, Steve thought. A baby right now would turn our lives upside down. Or mine, anyhow. “Yes, it is, but a necessary one.” Missy asked, “Why’s that?” “I feel guilty I lived when so many people died. And I feel strongly having another child would be a good thing for our family.” “I think that’s wonderful.” Missy turned to Gaby and said, “I bet you’d like a baby sister or brother.” Gaby gave a small smile. “As long as I don’t have to change diapers.” “I’ll change them if it’s a boy,” Jason said. Steve arched his eyebrows. “We don’t have to worry about who’s changing the baby until we have one.” Missy watched Tori twisting a silver ring on her finger. “Well, Tori, what about you?” “What do you mean?” “Have you, like Kim, thought about changing anything in your life?” She was silent for a moment before raising her head to look at Missy. “My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married.” “What? I thought you were going to UNC,” Gaby said. www.samhainpublishing.com

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Tori shrugged. “I don’t know if I want to go next year. I might wait and go later.” That doesn’t make sense. Tori has a full scholarship. Why would she throw it away and go later? Steve wondered if Tori’s dad knew she was thinking of changing her college plans. Kim patted Tori’s knee and said in a reassuring voice, “I’m sure Ryan and Tori will discuss it more before they decide what to do. They both have scholarships to different colleges and after what Tori’s been through, it’s hard to think about being separated by a long distance.” Missy nodded. “Young love…” Tori frowned. “Please don’t put that in the story. I did sign with UNC. The last few days have been confusing and I don’t know what I’m doing.” “No problem,” Missy said, marking out the last few written lines. “I’ll just mention you’re going to college.” Missy asked a few more questions to wrap it up. After Jake and Missy left, Tori said, “I better go, too. I have a game this afternoon.” “You can’t go without eating first,” Steve said. Kim nodded. “Please stay. I didn’t get a chance to talk to you.” Tori glanced at her watch. “I’d better call my dad to tell him to take my bag with him. He’ll have to put in my uniform and stuff, but he’s packed it before.” Gaby looked at Steve. “And you say I’m spoiled.” Steve playfully tapped her shoulder. “And you are, but not today. You and Jason are going to help me make sandwiches while your mother and Tori visit.” Gaby shrugged. “Okay, but I want to go to Tori’s game.” “Me, too,” Jason chimed in. “We could all go if Tori doesn’t mind,” Kim said. “Do any hot guys go to the girls’ games?” Gaby asked Tori. Tori grinned. “Ryan will be there, but he’s taken.”

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Chapter Ten When the ball swooshed in the net, the crowd clapped at Tori’s threepointer. She gave a quick smile to her dad, Ryan and the Collins family. All sat together in the front row of the bleachers where her dad always watched her play. Even in jeans and a simple off-white sweater, Kim managed to look classy. She turned her head as the referee blew his whistle. The girl on the opposing team took the ball out, attempting a pass to Ryan’s old girlfriend, Maddie, but Tori quickly stole the ball. She needed to hurry to get her shot off before Maddie jabbed her again. As Tori shot the ball, Maddie viciously pushed her to the floor. The referee called a personal foul, and Tori clutched her stomach while the coach ran to examine her injury. “Coach, she’s been shoving me and elbowing me every chance she gets,” Tori mumbled. Ryan had introduced Maddie to her a month ago when they went bowling. Tori thought the brown-haired girl pretty and sweet until Ryan left to get soft drinks. As soon as he was out of sight, the younger girl had accused her of stealing Ryan from her. “You can sit out after you take your bonus shots,” coach said. She knew why Maddie had given her dirty hits and shoved her. Maddie was angry Ryan had dumped her, and what better person to take it out on than his present girlfriend. Well, she wasn’t going to take her out of the game. Tori scrambled to her feet and the crowd applauded. “I’m staying in.” Coach Winslow patted her shoulder. “Okay.”

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Glancing at the opposing team’s bench, she saw Maddie had been taken out. Good, she wouldn’t have to deal with her for a while. When Maddie was put back in, and she would be since she was one of their top scorers, Tori would need to protect herself. Her baby would not get hurt, she thought angrily as she dribbled the ball before taking her first foul shot. After Tori made both shots, she glanced at Maddie and saw her hateful look. Someone’s not happy. She grinned at Ryan. The first two quarters were fast paced, and Tori’s team was ahead by only two points at the half. Her dad motioned to her before she left the floor for the half. “What’s going on?” he asked when she stood in front of him. Tori shrugged. “I don’t think Ryan’s old girlfriend likes me.” “It’s my fault,” Ryan said, clenching his hands. “I broke up with Maddie before I started dating Tori.” “I didn’t realize girls are so rough in high school,” Gaby said. “I don’t know if I want to play basketball next year.” Jason grinned. “You might not make the team.” “I’m relieved Maddie behaved during the second quarter,” Kim said to Tori. “You still have bruises from the crash. You don’t need any more.” With a worried look, Ryan said, “I wouldn’t think she’d do anything else, but Maddie has a bad temper.” “I’d better get going,” Tori said. In the locker room, Tori’s best friend, Courtney, sat beside her on the bench. Courtney was short with dark hair and played guard. “That was a nasty shove you took. Are you all right?” “I am now, but it hurt a lot at first.” Tori wiped her forehead with a small towel and decided to tell Courtney about the baby. She hadn’t wanted to tell any of her friends yet, but maybe Courtney could help her decide whether to keep the baby or to consider adoption. She could trust Courtney to keep quiet about it. “Could you come over tonight?”

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“Ben and I are going to a movie. Why don’t you and Ryan come with us?” “We can’t. Ryan has a wrestling match. Could you come over late and just stay overnight?” “I’d like to, but my grandma’s visiting. I don’t want to be away too long.” Tori fingered her ponytail. “I need to talk to you sometime.” “What about?” “I can’t tell you right now.” “My grandma’s leaving tomorrow. How about later in the afternoon?” “Okay.” Courtney walked toward the bathroom, saying over her shoulder. “I have to pee bad.” Her friend was out of sight when Tori bent over, holding her stomach. Why did she suddenly have cramps? Maybe she shouldn’t have played basketball today. She thought it was okay to do whatever you were used to before you were pregnant, but she didn’t know for sure. Should she tell Coach Winslow she felt ill and needed to sit out? She took a deep breath. Getting back into her routine and playing basketball was what she needed to do after the crash. She couldn’t do anything about the people who had died. Was she being callous, thinking how she needed to go on with her life? In a few months she’d have a baby and wouldn’t be playing soccer or basketball, so of course she wanted to make the most of the remaining time. But what should she do now about the game? Did cramps mean she could have a miscarriage? She should’ve told Kim about the pregnancy. Kim would know what to do. During the third quarter, Tori sat on the bench because of her fouls and she was relieved. She needed to take time to decide what to do if the coach wanted her to go back in. At the beginning of the fourth quarter, her cramps had subsided. The Rockets were ahead by four points, and Tori went in the game. Maddie

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shot and missed. Tori got the rebound and passed the ball to Courtney. Within seconds Courtney did a quick bounce pass back to Tori. She shot her fourth three-pointer. The Cougar fans cheered. Under her breath, Maddie said, “You better watch it, bitch.” “Your threats don’t scare me,” Tori said softly. Actually she was lying. Maddie’s words did concern her, but she wanted to scare Maddie with her toughness and not act like a wimp. The Rockets took the ball down the court and Maddie made a basket. Courtney was fouled when she scored on her lay-up. Tori said to Courtney, “Way to go, Court.” She was confident her friend would make her foul shots. The crowd roared when Courtney’s ball went cleanly into the hoop. The scoreboard showed forty-eight to forty-eight with fifteen seconds remaining. The Rockets missed their next shot, and Tori scored two points. She closely watched the Rockets’ center dribbling the ball with five seconds remaining. She needed to get the ball without fouling her. The center released the ball and Tori jumped, grabbing the ball. She turned quickly and didn’t see Maddie’s foot in her path. Maddie tripped her, and Tori lurched, falling into the bleachers. Her head smacked hard against the seats before she crumbled into a heap on the floor. Tori remained unconscious for a minute. When she opened her eyes, she saw the Cougars’ athletic trainer, Bruce Snyder, and Coach Winslow. Kim and her dad rushed to her side. Tori’s gaze rested on Kim first. “Is the game over?” “Yes, and you won,” Kim answered. “Daddy, what happened?” “Maddie tripped you,” her dad said. “How do you feel?” “My head hurts.” While Bruce examined her head, Coach Winslow said, “Tori, you played an awesome game. I’m just sorry this happened to you. I’m going to talk to the officials about the Rockets’ player being suspended for the

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rest of the season. She intentionally tripped you and action needs to be taken.” He smiled at Tori. “You look like you have a lot of people to take care of you, but I’ll call you later tonight to see how you’re doing.” “Thanks, Coach,” Tori said. Bruce said, “I’m going to get you an ice pack for the lump on your forehead.” Ryan moved through the group and put his arm around her. “I’m sorry. I knew Maddie had a temper, but I never thought she’d lose it like this.” So Ryan didn’t know his ex-girlfriend resorted to violence when she was angry. Tori looked up at him. “What do you suppose she’ll do next?” “What a nasty lump,” Courtney said. She’d walked over to see Tori. “Gee, Ryan, what did you do? Dump Maddie for Tori?” He shook his head. “I broke up with her a couple of weeks before Tori and I went out.” “Have you talked to her about me?” “She called once and asked if we could get back together. I told her I loved you.” “I don’t think she liked your answer,” Tori said. “I’m sure your trainer knows a lot about sports injuries,” Kim said, “but maybe you should go to the emergency room for a doctor to check you out.” Tori bit her lower lip and leaned against Ryan. “I’m okay. I don’t need a doctor.” “Honey, with everything that’s happened to you, I think you should be checked out,” her dad said. A teenaged boy with dark hair sauntered over to them. “Hi, Tori. Hi, Ryan.” “Hey, Tony, good to see you,” Ryan said. Tony straightened his glasses. “I’m sorry that mean girl hurt you.” “Me, too,” Tori answered.

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“If you need to go to the hospital, go to Children’s,” Tony said. “It’s a good hospital. I work there.” “That’s right, you sterilize the surgical instruments. Pretty important stuff,” Tori said. Tony was born with Down syndrome and went to the same high school with them. She recalled his pride when he’d told Ryan and her about his after-school job. “Tony, do you remember me?” Kim asked. “I met you at Children’s Hospital when I checked out some of the rooms for a fashion show.” He nodded. “You’re the pretty clothes lady.” “Sorry, it took so long, Tori.” Bruce handed her an ice pack. “I got stopped by a few of your fans, and they wanted to know if you’d be okay for the next game.” He grinned. “No rest for the injured.” “That’s too bad you got hurt. All this shoving and tripping by girls surprised me.” Jason shrugged. “I’m glad I’m a boy. Wait until I tell everyone how big girls play.” “High school basketball is rougher than I realized. Is soccer boring, too?” Kim joked lamely. Tori grinned. “Very.”

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Chapter Eleven A short time later at Tori’s house, Kim gently touched the girl’s forehead. “Some lump. Do you need more ice for it?” Tori sipped her milk. “I’m going to take a shower in a few minutes, so Ryan stuck the pack in the freezer. Thanks for driving my car…or I mean my aunt’s car until I can pay for it.” “No problem.” She’d driven Tori’s car after the game to avoid leaving it at the school’s parking lot while Steve took Gaby and Jason to get ice cream. No one had wanted Tori to drive home. “My sister just bought a new car and she loaned Tori her old one for now,” Eric explained, turning from Kim to his daughter. “I don’t think you should buy it. She said you could drive it until you leave for college, then she’ll sell it.” “Daddy, I might not go to college. I’ll need a car for work and stuff.” “I don’t want you to throw your scholarship away,” Eric said firmly. “Having a car on campus isn’t necessary and will just be an extra expense.” Ryan glanced at Eric. “Tori and I might get married. She can drive my truck.” Eric gripped his chair wheels tightly. “I don’t think so. Tori’s only seventeen, and I’m not giving my permission.” “I don’t know what I’m doing yet.” Tori sighed. “I just wish this year would be over.” Why would Tori wish that her senior year were over? Kim wondered. It’s supposed to be the best time of a teenager’s life. “I know I shouldn’t butt in…”

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“Please do,” Eric said, smiling. “I was only nineteen when I married Steve. He’s older and he was ready for marriage. His more mature age helped, but I was too young. With both of you being so young, it’d be hard. Especially with Ryan going to college and if you don’t…” Kim lightly touched Tori’s knee. “You might start resenting him getting an education while you work.” “Tori’s going to college after I get through,” Ryan said. “Sometimes it’s hard to go to college if you wait. Babies come along,” Kim noticed Ryan’s startled look, “or other things happen to stop a person from finishing their education.” “I wish it could be that simple,” Tori said to Kim, “and I could just go to college right away, but—” “Could I get you a drink?” Eric asked Kim. “No, but thank you.” Kim saw the sadness in Tori’s blue eyes and sensed something was wrong in the Moorhead family. She suspected Eric interrupted because Tori was going to say something he didn’t want known. What was she going to say? *** Gaby and Jason ran into their house ahead of their parents. Steve opened the door as Kim said, “That was sweet of you to buy ice cream for Tori.” “I thought she needed cheering up after what happened at the game.” “More than you realize.” She saw Steve’s puzzled look, but didn’t get to explain what she meant because the phone rang. “She just stepped in the door.” Gaby handed the phone to Kim and said, “It’s Aunt Laura.” “Hi.” Laura probably wanted her to read some of her manuscript pages. “How’s the new book going?” “Terrible. That’s why I’m calling.”

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Kim removed her leather jacket. “I guess I have time to knock off a few steamy pages for you.” “Very funny. I was wondering if Gaby and Jason could spend the night entertaining my kids while I sneak extra writing time in.” Kim ran her fingers through her hair. Their kids did get along well, but she wondered about her brother-in-law. “Who’s going to entertain Peter?” “He’s not home. Remember I told you he’s at a medical convention? If you let Gaby and Jason come, you’ll be helping me from gaining some extra pounds.” “What did you bake?” Whenever Laura got stuck with a scene, plot or characterization and just couldn’t write another word, she always got out the big mixing bowl and baked. She kept a small steno pad next to the bowl to jot down any thoughts she had. Sometimes the dialogue flowed while she was busy mixing the ingredients since she talked out loud in her characters’ voices. “Cookies and cupcakes.” Laura sighed. “And I already pigged out on the cookies.” “I know. The Hanson sisters could never eat just one cookie.” Kim chuckled. “Are you sure there are any left?” “They’re yummy, but I do have a little self-control.” “Okay, Gaby and Jason can visit.” Both kids loved going to their Aunt Laura’s and had fun doing stuff with their cousins. “I’d hate to see a chubby novelist on Good Morning America.” Laura had been a guest several times on the early morning show and enjoyed promoting her novels. After the phone conversation ended, Kim sat by Steve on the leather sofa she hated. “You know, Laura does have it all. She gets paid to do what she loves. Right now she’s having trouble with her new novel, but it’ll probably end up being on the best seller list. She’s incredibly talented.”

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“You’re talented, too, babe.” As Steve watched TV, she ran her finger over her lower lip. Or did her sister have it all? Peter sure went on lots of medical conventions. And it wasn’t like he was a surgeon, developing new procedures to lecture about to other physicians. Maybe she should suggest Laura go to one of his conventions. That might help their marriage. During the conference, he’d probably have some free time, and they could relax together without any kids around. Laura could take her laptop and write while he was attending the lectures. Now, that’s a good plan, she thought, cuddling next to Steve. *** Kim suggested that Laura go to Mass on Saturday evening. That way Gaby and Jason could leave with Laura after church. Usually she liked Sunday morning services the best, but it’d be nice to attend Saturday Mass and sleep in on Sunday morning. As cars left the parking lot, Steve lifted his hand to thank a fellow parishioner who waited for him to back out and leave first. Once on the street, he suggested, “Let’s get some Chinese take-out and go to bed early.” Kim nodded. “I am tired. It’s been an emotional day with the funeral and the game.” “We probably shouldn’t have gone to Tori’s game.” Kim shook her head. “I’m glad we did. Something’s not right. When you were getting ice cream, Tori mentioned not going to college again. There was tension between Eric and Tori.” Glancing in his side mirror, Steve eased into another lane. “I can imagine. It doesn’t make sense. She gets a scholarship to play soccer, the sport she loves the most, and talks about throwing it all away.” “She apparently loves Ryan more.” Kim shrugged. “The crash changed so many people’s lives and I’m thinking it had a profound

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impact on her. That’s probably why she wants to forget about college now.” “That would be a mistake.” “Or she’s pregnant and won’t be able to play soccer. She was sick in the morning on the plane.” “Pregnant. I hope that’s not it.” “Me, too. That’d complicate her life and Ryan’s. She’s probably not. If she was pregnant, she wouldn’t have played such a rough game.” Steve pulled into a parking space by their favorite Chinese restaurant. “What do you want?” “A baby.” She knew he meant her choice of food, but she had to get it out in the open again. “I don’t think that’s on the menu here.” “Maybe it should be.” She stared at the restaurant for a moment, thinking how she wanted to say more, but instead answered her cell phone on the first ring. She mouthed, It’s Gaby, to Steve. “Pizza sounds good. We’re getting Chinese.” After a moment, she said, “Janice will be off another week. Why?” Steve said, “Why does she care when Janice returns?” Kim rubbed her chin and spoke in the phone. “Tonight? I guess, but you should have done it this morning. Okay, honey…I love you. Bye.” “What does she want you to do?” “Her laundry. Janice usually does it, and I’d told Gaby a few months ago she needed to do her own laundry.” Kim rested her hand on Steve’s shoulder. “See, a baby would be good for Gaby, too. She’d have to help more around the house and learn responsibility. Just think how much fun we could have making a baby.” “I do like the fun part.” She pressed her mouth over his and thrust her tongue inside, stroking until they were both breathless. She rubbed his manhood and he moaned. Then she kissed his mouth with soft tenderness. After a few seconds, she murmured, “By the way, I want egg rolls, fortune cookies—”

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“Egg rolls will have to wait, babe.” He clutched her in a tight embrace. His lips were more persuasive than she cared to admit—after all, they were in a parking lot. *** It was a closed casket. “Do you like my dress?” Gaby asked, looking beautiful and sophisticated in a black, elegantly cut dress. Laura eyed her niece in disbelief. “Gaby, you should show respect. Wearing a strapless and backless dress is inappropriate for this occasion.” “I don’t think so,” Gaby replied in a snotty voice. “Mother was always noted for wearing fashionable clothes. This creation is by her favorite European designer. I couldn’t possibly wear a boring dress to her funeral.” Tori, wearing a simple and modest dress, entered the sweet-smelling funeral room. She carried a small bouquet of daisies, walked to the coffin and sadly placed it on top. Gaby said to Aunt Laura, “Where did she get that awful dress? Goodwill probably.” “I think Tori looks fresh and innocent in her suitable dress.” Laura looked around the room. “I haven’t seen Jason. Where is he?” Gaby yawned. “He left to play his video games.” “How could he? He should be in here to show respect to his mother,” Laura said angrily. “Dear Aunt Laura, we were raised by a mother who thought clothes were the solution to every problem. So, of course, we’re both shallow people.” Kim whimpered in her sleep and Steve woke. He gently pulled her next to him. “Kim, it’s okay. You were having another dream.” He kissed her forehead.

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“It seemed so real,” she murmured. “I was dead. Gaby and Tori were both at the funeral home…and Laura.” “Was I in your dream?” “No. The conversation was about clothing. Gaby acted awful and was only concerned about what she wore. She never showed any remorse that I was dead. And Jason was too busy with PlayStation to stay at the funeral home. Gaby implied they were shallow because of my influence.” “No wonder.” “You think I’m shallow?” He shook his head. “Of course not. I meant Gaby was on your mind tonight since you did her laundry. She shrugged. “The dream was right on target.” “How’s that?” “If I’d died and my funeral had been today, Gaby would be worrying about what dress to wear, and Jason would be obsessed with his video games.” Steve put his finger on her chin. “No. They would be very sad and not concerned with that stuff.” “I don’t think so. I can see Gaby realizing my funeral would be a chance for her to get something new to wear. She would beg you to take her shopping. Then she would say, ‘Don’t I look awesome in black?’ And Jason would ask, ‘How long will this funeral last? I want to go home to my PlayStation.’ ” He shook his head. “Their reactions wouldn’t be like that. They love you very much and were relieved to hear you survived the plane crash.” She ignored Steve’s comments. “It’s my own fault. I’ve been a lousy mother. I’ve been busy flying to Europe and New York. I’ve invested my time in raising children who are only interested in material things.” “Stop it. That’s not true. You’re a great parent… I don’t understand why you’re being hard on yourself.” “Because I’m wondering why I was spared,” she said bitterly. “If God had a quota that day to make…if so many mothers had to go, it should

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have been me.” Poor little Megan would grow up without hers. How unfair was that? “That’s stupid. You’re a terrific mother.” She didn’t say anything, but if he really thought that, then why was he opposed to her having another child? Early in their marriage, he’d wanted more children. He was happy with having two, but said more would be better. When she had her surgery scheduled to have her tubes tied, he’d tried to talk her out of the drastic decision. She remembered what he’d said. “Why do you have to do something so final? You might change your mind someday and want another child. You’re young… I don’t understand why it has to be done now.” She’d argued, “This is the only way I’ll be sure I won’t get pregnant again. I love Gaby and Jason, but two children are what I can handle and still work as a buyer.” After all the complaining about limiting our family to two children, why doesn’t Steve want to have another child now?

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Chapter Twelve “Does Maddie know about our baby?” Tori asked. She pushed pause on the remote. She hadn’t been able to get into the rented movie because she wondered why Maddie was mad at her. Ryan was hot, but Maddie attacking her during a basketball game seemed extreme. Maddie had to know she’d get suspended for her actions. She must think more of Ryan than playing basketball. Ryan turned from the TV to look at Tori. “Are you kidding? Why would I tell her?” “You have to ask? She had her elbows in me every chance she got, she shoved me to the floor, and let’s see, what else… Oh yeah, she tripped me for the hell of it,” Tori said sarcastically. “She’s jealous. I told you that.” “I saw you talking to her before the game.” “I had no choice. She grabbed my arm and shoved her body in front of me. She wanted to know if I missed her.” Tori raised her eyebrows. “Why didn’t you mention this before?” “I did.” “I must have missed that conversation. You said you talked to her once on the phone.” Ryan picked up Tori’s hand. “I talked about it to Kim when your dad and you were in the kitchen. I thought you heard me because when you came back, you said Maddie needed to get help.” Tori shrugged. “I heard you say ‘shoved’ and thought you were talking about her actions during the game.”

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Her dad had gone to bed, leaving Tori and Ryan to watch their teen movie. He planned on getting up at three a.m. to check on Tori as Bruce had recommended. “When you called your mom to get permission to stay out later, did you tell her you needed to hold your pregnant girlfriend’s hand?” She removed Ryan’s hand and looked to see his response. “You’re just trying to pick a fight with me. You know I haven’t told my parents yet.” “And why is that, Ryan?” “This isn’t the right time.” “I don’t understand. You didn’t like it when I told you not to tell them when I was going to New York. You wanted to tell your mom especially.” “One reason was because you left to have an abortion. Now you aren’t and I don’t think it’s the right time to tell them.” “I’ll go with you and we’ll tell your parents tomorrow.” She’d told her father, and Ryan’s parents needed to know about their grandchild. She didn’t want this worry hanging over her any longer. He ran his fingers through his light brown hair. “We can’t until we get married.” “You heard my dad. He won’t give permission.” “It doesn’t matter. You’ll be eighteen in April.” She shook her head. “I’m not going to get married without his approval. And I might give the baby up for adoption. We don’t have to get married now. He pulled her into his arms and kissed her. “I love you and I want you in bed with me every day for the rest of my life. I need you, Tori.” She kissed Ryan long and deep. She stared into his face for a moment. “I love you, too, but I don’t know if we can give our baby a good home, or any home, for that matter.” “I’ve been thinking about what Kim said about me going to college while you can’t and she’s right, that’s not fair. I’ll give up my football scholarship. We can go to Colorado to live.”

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Colorado? That sounded crazy. “Why would you want us to move away from our families?” “I can get a job as a ski instructor at my cousin’s resort until we can eventually get our own resort.” “But you wanted to major in engineering.” He shrugged. “I also love skiing.” “I don’t know.” He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. “We can get engaged. I have money saved we can use for a ring.” She didn’t know what to say. All she wanted right now was to tell his parents. Moving away from her dad to Colorado was scary. Even though she’d planned on leaving the state to go to college, her dad said he’d fly to see her as much as possible during soccer season. Would he fly to Colorado to see her? She twisted her ring for a long moment. Finally she said, “I don’t want to go to Colorado. I just want you to tell your parents about the baby tomorrow. They’ll be hurt if we keep it from them any longer.” He gave her a sad look. “They told me once if I ever got a girl pregnant, they’d kick me out of the house. I need to finish high school without worrying about where to live.” “I can’t believe they would do that,” she said, surprised. She knew his parents were strict, but to kick your son out of the house when he needed your support seemed drastic. “I was willing to risk their anger when you were leaving to go to New York, but I don’t want to now.” “Why didn’t you tell me this before?” She’d bugged him for the last few days, and he’d never mentioned telling his parents would result in being homeless. “Because your dad has been cool and he yelled at me a lot for getting you pregnant, but I’m afraid my dad will tear into me because of my scholarship and tell me how stupid I was for getting you pregnant. Then

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throw me out. And Mom won’t be happy if you have to give up your scholarship.” “You’re thinking too much about how they’ll react. You just need to tell them.” “Let’s talk about something else. I want you so much.” He slid his hand under her sweater, caressing her breasts. “We can’t.” He grinned. “What difference does it make? You’re already pregnant and we’re getting married soon. We belong together.” She removed his hand, pushing him away from her. “But we aren’t married and my dad’s just a room away.” “I bet if we tell him how much we want to get married, he’ll change his mind and accept it. He loves you so much that he’d let us live here until after graduation.” She looked into his gray eyes, not knowing what to tell him. She loved him, but she knew suddenly she didn’t want to get married. She wanted to go to college and play soccer. But she didn’t want to risk losing him. She placed her hand on his leg. “I think we love each other enough to wait to get married.” “I don’t want to wait. My parents were only eighteen when they got married.” “Why did I have to get pregnant?” she moaned. “I’m sick of all this. Nothing is fun anymore.” “I’d better leave,” he said, glancing at his watch. “It’s past my curfew.” An unpleasant thought popped into her mind about why Maddie was angry during the game. “Did you sleep with Maddie?” He frowned. “Ryan, you didn’t answer my question. Did you sleep with Maddie?” “Not really.” Tori stiffened. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

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He bit his lip and lowered his gaze. “When I dated her, she was only fifteen and I was in my junior year, and I did more than I should have with Maddie. We messed around a lot.” This was her Ryan talking about how he felt up another girl. He’d acted innocent with her and said he’d abstained from sex with other girls. She wondered now how much truth was in that. “You made me think I was the first girl you did anything with. You said what we had was special.” He held her hand. “I never went all the way with Maddie. What I told you was true. You were the first girl I made love to and you’ll be the last one. You’re the only girl I want.” “Apparently, Maddie thinks differently. Maybe you shouldn’t have touched her body so much.” “It didn’t mean anything to me.” “Was Maddie experienced when you were with her?” He shook his head. “She was eager to be loved, and I couldn’t help it.” She pulled her hand out of his. “Did you tell her you loved her?” “I don’t remember.” “I’m guessing that means you might have.” She fingered her necklace. “Did she say she loved you?” “What’s with the questions?” Ryan clenched his jaw. “I didn’t sleep with her and I shouldn’t have touched her, but she wanted me to.” She rose from the couch. “Because I don’t know that you’ll always love me. It sounds like you might have told Maddie you loved her and I think you did care for her. You’re not the type to do what you did with her if you didn’t have feelings for her. You might change how you feel about me. And what happens then if we’re married and you decide to leave? I’ll have a baby and no husband.” “Tori, that’s not going to happen, I’d never leave you.” She crossed her arms. “If you love me and our baby, you need to tell your parents now. They aren’t going to kick you out.” Please Ryan, say you’ll tell them tomorrow.

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He stood. “I can’t do that.” If he couldn’t face his parents with the truth, he didn’t love her enough and he was also a wimp. She couldn’t marry a weak person. “Then I can’t see you again. I’ll call you when our baby is born.” “I don’t get it. We could get married, then I could tell them eventually. It doesn’t have to be your way,” he snapped. Her dad, in his pajamas, wheeled into the room. “What’s going on here?” “I told Ryan to get lost,” Tori said in a loud voice. “She wants me to get kicked out and not be allowed to see her again.” She glared at Ryan. “That makes no sense. If your parents kick you out, of course, you can see me. They won’t be able to stop you.” Her dad moved between them and looked at Ryan. “No matter the consequences, you need to tell your parents. And if you don’t tell them soon, I’ll be forced to. Do you understand?” Ryan nodded. “If they kick me out, can I live with you?” Her father shook his head. “I don’t think that would be wise. Just tell them and we’ll see what needs to be done.” “I’d better go.” Ryan grabbed his letter jacket off a chair. “I’ll call you later.” She raised her eyebrows. “I don’t want to talk to you unless you tell them.” “I’m getting a drink of water. Good night, Ryan.” Her father left them and went into the kitchen. Ryan gave her a long look. “There’s something else I never considered until now, and my parents might react in a way you won’t like at all.” He obviously wasn’t referring to a happy reaction from hearing the news of being grandparents. It had to be something bad. Really bad. “What’s that?” “They might tell me, ‘You get a girl pregnant, you marry her and give the baby your name.’ ” His hand was on the doorknob, but before he turned it, he said, “I never told you, did I, that my mom was three 88

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months pregnant with me when she married my dad. They had to get married.”

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Chapter Thirteen Steve wadded up papers and threw them in his wastebasket. After her bad dream about her funeral, Kim had finally gone back to sleep. Steve hadn’t been able to sleep, so he’d decided to work on an advertising account in his downstairs study. At first he’d gotten a lot accomplished, but now his creativity was gone. And he knew why. As he stared at the wastebasket, it seemed to turn into an oblong woven basket reminding him of impending fatherhood, if Kim had her way. Did they still have the baby basket he used to carry Jason around in? He doubted it. He thought Kim had given it to Laura when Corey was born. How could he concentrate on his work when Kim kept talking about babies? When they’d stopped for Chinese food, she’d looked so cute, then she mentioned the word “baby”. He’d been surprised her dream didn’t have babies in it. He shook his head. He didn’t dare tell her, but when she woke him with her whimpers, he’d been dreaming she gave birth to not one, but six babies at the same time. That many children would be overwhelming to anyone, but especially to him, wanting his own firm and possibly not having insurance coverage for a preexisting pregnancy. When she’d told how in the dream Gaby had said her mother was shallow, he knew she’d blame herself. And she had. She thought she had poor mothering skills. She wanted another chance to start over with a new baby and quit her job; then she could be home more to be what she thought would be a perfect mother. What should he do? Agreeing to a tubal reversal and trying for a baby seemed like he would risk losing what he wanted. He wasn’t getting any younger and moving before Gaby started high school would be a good time for them. Could they handle living someplace else, having new jobs,

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going to new schools…and taking care pf a new baby? He needed to convince Kim and the children how wonderful it’d be to live in Oregon. How would he ever get them interested in what he wanted to do? He was able to write great ads to sell all kinds of products to millions of people, but selling his family on a brand new life wasn’t something he knew how to do. Kim came into the room. “You look tense. What’s up?” “Thinking about my job always stresses me out.” Liar. He should just tell her his plans. “I missed you in bed.” “Since I couldn’t sleep, I decided to work on my new ad campaign.” “How’s it going?” As she leaned over to look at his work, her breast brushed his shoulder. He smiled, pulling her onto his lap. “I think I’ve worked enough.” “I think so, too.” She lightly snapped the little black strap of the cami she wore. He pulled on the stretchy lace fabric, exposing both her breasts. Tenderly grasping one, he sucked until she moaned her pleasure. She grabbed his T-shirt, lifting it, and said, “This has to come off.” He slid his arms out of the shirt. “Anything else?” She rose and pulled him up. With her hand inside his boxers, her fist tightly closed around his erection. “We’re not going upstairs for this. I want you now.” “A man has to do what a man has to do.” He removed her bottoms and they tumbled onto the floor. “Maybe you can use that line for your ad, but also say ‘for his woman’,” she said, stroking his cheek. He covered her, sinking into her completely. She clutched him with her arms, her fingers digging into his flesh. While thrusting deeper into her, he drew out each stroke. She wrapped her legs around his body even tighter. Her shudders and moans made him feel so good. He could give her a few moments of enjoyment before he came inside her.

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“Oh, Steve, I need you.” He exhaled a deep breath. “Same here, babe. I always want you.” *** “That was sweet,” he said with a satisfied sigh. They were back in their bed, having moved after their lovemaking. On a decorative shelf, several candles flickered a soft light into the room. “Funerals always do this to people,” she said with closed eyes. “What an interesting theory. My wife thinks funerals make people have sex.” “Sure. After you go to a funeral, you want to feel alive. And what better way to feel alive than this.” He smiled, looking at her lovely brown eyes. “You’re hurting my selfesteem here. I thought I alone turned you on.” “Remember a movie we saw, maybe a couple years ago…and right after a funeral, this middle-aged couple was at the widow’s house and they had sex in her bedroom. When she found them, she took one look at them and knew they’d screwed in her bed.” “And she screamed at them for doing it right then and there.” She nodded. “I think people are on an emotional high during a funeral. They need a release to feel connected to each other when they lose a loved one.” “Well, it does take your mind off death.” He thought maybe she was right about the funeral thing. He remembered after his parents’ funerals, they’d had incredible sex and he’d been thankful he had her to love. She ran her finger along his chin. “It’s also a big help after surviving a crash. I forget about the dead people when we make love.” “You might just need more time, but maybe going for counseling now would be a good idea.” “Maybe.” She paused for a moment. “There’s another thing I’m worried about.” 92

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“What’s that, honey?” “I worry that when I go back to work, we won’t have time for each other and get caught up in our careers. At first we’ll make time for us, but I’m afraid we’ll lose this closeness.” “Don’t worry. We’ll find a funeral.” She propped herself on her elbows, staring at him. “That’s not exactly what I hoped you’d suggest.” Damn. He knew what was coming. Babies again. Quickly he thought of what to say. “How about, reduce your store hours and eliminate some of your traveling trips.” “Mom said the same thing today. I shouldn’t travel and be away from my family. She said it was my own fault flying off to New York, getting burned and leaving all of you. If I had to experience a crash, this was a good time with my parents being in Florida. At least we don’t have our wonderful daily chats for me to bear. She’s only called twice this week.” He glanced at the clock and saw it was two. Suddenly he was tired and wanted to get some sleep. She could talk forever about her mother. “Is your dad getting some golf in?” She ignored his question. “I think it’s ironic she’s critical of me working when she was home all the time and I did her work around the house. I know she was sick at times, but even when she felt better, she depended on me to take care of the twins, too. But I did tell her I’m thinking about quitting my job.” “What did she think of that?” “She said it was about time. I didn’t tell her I want to have another child. She never thought I should get my tubes tied, and I didn’t want her to tell me how I should have listened to her before.” She reached out, lacing his fingers with her own. “You never wanted me to have a tubal either. You wanted more children, and yet you’re opposed to me having a reversal done. If you think I’m a good mother, why don’t you want me to have another baby?” He sighed. “I’m thinking how you’ve gone through a complete metamorphosis. You want to quit your job, stay at home and have a www.samhainpublishing.com

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baby. None of this is what I thought you wanted. For years, you’ve said repeatedly you’ll never be a homemaker and now you want to quit a job you’ve loved and after ten years, have a baby. I just think you might want to think about all this some more. That’s all, babe.” “I’m trying to make a better life for our family and for me.” She climbed out of bed, threw a robe around her naked body and over her shoulders and said, “I don’t get your attitude. I’m going downstairs.” He watched her walk to the door. Going back to sleep had to wait because he had to be open with her. He didn’t like her being upset with him. “Please. Come back. I’ll tell you why I don’t want you to have the reversal now. I’ve been very unhappy for months and I want to leave…” He never got to finish because she slammed the door.

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Chapter Fourteen She hadn’t meant to slam the door, but his saying the words unhappy and leave had made her go crazy with fear. A friend told her once how she and her husband had the most fantastic time ever in bed, then he dressed and said, “By the way, I want a divorce.” Of course she knew Steve didn’t want a divorce, but something wasn’t right for him to admit his unhappiness. He must want his own space. Maybe she’d put too much pressure on him. In the hallway, he said, “Kim, wait. Let me finish.” “Why? So I can hear how you’re leaving me?” He put his arm around her waist and pulled her next to him. “Of course not. That’s not what I was going to say. How can you even think that?” She shrugged. “You said you’ve been unhappy for months, and I know things weren’t always good between us. And I’ve been telling you how much I want another child and I know you don’t feel the same way.” “We need to talk. And I’ll tell you what’s been bugging me.” She looked into his blue eyes for a moment. “I have a feeling this might take a while. Let’s go downstairs and I’ll make hot chocolate.” While she spooned cocoa into mugs, she thought how serious all this could be. Deep down she hadn’t believed he could be leaving her, but had been afraid to hear the rest. A few months ago, she might have, but fortunately their relationship had changed dramatically the last few days. After almost losing each other, they talked a lot, had great lovemaking and just enjoyed being with each other as much as possible. Although

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she’d initially slammed the door at his words, her first reaction had changed into realization he couldn’t mean what it sounded like. “I’m hungry,” he said while she poured heated milk into the mugs. “Where are those cookies Laura gave us?” She pointed to the baker’s rack. “Over there, above the wine.” He found the plate and removed the Saran wrap. He picked up an oatmeal raisin cookie. “Why don’t we get comfortable and sit on the sofa?” Her eyes widened. “Afraid I might feel the need to slam another door?” He nodded, carrying the plate of cookies. “Of course I’m hoping you won’t want to slam any door when you hear what I should have told you a long time ago.” “I’m sorry I overreacted.” After they were both comfortable on the sofa, Steve said, “I understand about you wanting to make changes because I haven’t been happy with my job. I wanted to tell you before you left on this last trip, but didn’t. Then with what happened, I didn’t want to burden you with my problem.” “What’s the problem?” “I’ve felt burned out working at the same agency for so long. I need a new kind of challenge to feel alive. Ever since my fortieth birthday, I’ve felt like something is missing. Now that we’re closer again, I’ve felt happier and younger, but that’s just when I’m around you. I need to quit my job in a few months and start my own agency and do things the way I want to. I want to be the boss.” Kim set her cup down and held his hand. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to tell me sooner. I could tell you haven’t been happy, but I wasn’t sure what was wrong.” “I guess I resented you always leaving on your trips and being on top of the world with your job when I hated going to work.”

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“You need me to quit my job and I can help you start your agency,” she said eagerly. “Then I can spend more time with you and the kids.” “I’d like that.” She was actually relieved to hear what had been troubling him. Quitting his job would mean a loss of income, and he’d probably thought they couldn’t afford a baby. She rubbed her lip with her finger. “I guess I’ll have to work at Altman’s longer than I wanted. I need to keep the store insurance in case I get pregnant. I’ll just work while I’m pregnant, but cut my hours down. I might be able to continue my policy for a few months after I quit. One of us should have insurance since you’re quitting.” He kissed her on the forehead. “I’m been thinking a baby will be too much strain on all of us if I start my own business.” She stiffened. “My fertility might not be restored, but I should go ahead and have the reversal. I made a mistake having my tubes tied, partly because of our faith, but also it’ll be better for my body.” “Why’s that?” Steve asked. “I never complained to you because of your feelings about what I did, but I have heavier, longer periods and more cramping since I had my tubes tied. After I had the surgery, the doctor told me it might happen.” “I guess then maybe you should see a doctor about having a reversal, but…” “But what?” “I just remembered when you were pregnant before, your asthma attacks were worse. Aren’t you worried your asthma might cause problems again if you should get pregnant?” She frowned. “I guess it did when I was pregnant with Gaby, but with Jason, it was better.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m afraid I have another change I’d like to make for our family. I just can’t see me starting another ad agency in Chicago. I need to go some place where people speak openly and honestly—”

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“But, honey, if it’s your own agency, you can have the type of work environment you want.” She smiled. “You’ll be calling the shots.” He shook his head. “It’s the same at all the ad agencies in Chicago. Here, you have to play little political games to get anything accomplished.” She had a feeling he’d given this a lot of thought and probably knew where he wanted to move them. She was afraid to ask, but might as well learn now and hope it wasn’t some awful place…like Alaska. “Where are you thinking about starting your agency?” He bit his lip. “Oregon.” “But it’s far from here.” She loved Chicago and couldn’t imagine leaving it. She wouldn’t miss her parents a lot, but she would miss Laura and her children. And Gaby and Jason would have to leave their friends. How could Steve even think about moving them to Oregon? “Ken loves living in Portland. We can visit soon. Visiting won’t be the same as living there, but we can at least learn more about the area.” “Has Ken ever said if Marcia and the kids are happy there?” “I think they’ve adjusted very well, but you can ask her anything you want.” She finished her hot chocolate while Steve ate another cookie. She realized he was definitely against having a baby. Although she understood why now, she was even more determined to change his mind. If he wanted to uproot their family and have her and the children make so many sacrifices, then he’d have to make a concession, too. “I don’t want to leave Chicago, but I’ll visit Oregon on one condition.” He raised his eyebrows. “What?” She stared at him. “You go with me first to talk to a doctor about my reversal.” “I said you should go for your health.” “But I want you to go with me to hear everything the doctor has to say about the procedure. Actually, the doctor I want to go to has a very high success rate of restoring fertility.”

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“Aren’t you afraid to live in Oregon and have a baby?” She grinned. “Don’t they have hospitals there?” He laughed. “I wasn’t thinking about hospitals. We won’t have Janice to help us. I don’t see her leaving her daughter and new grandson to go to Portland. And I doubt we can afford her if I put all my money into a new business.” “I’ll miss Janice, but I can take care of a baby.” “I hate to bring this up, but I did a lot when the kids were little. You always liked having my help. I’ll be spending a lot of extra hours getting my agency off the ground. You might get tired of changing diapers and everything else.” “I won’t. I want to be a full-time mother.” He sighed. “I know when I’m defeated. I’ll go with you to have a consultation about the reversal, but I don’t want to wait until this summer to visit Ken. I want to go soon…maybe next month.” She could see him with their baby in his arms, thanking her for being persistent. That’s if her fertility was restored. If she couldn’t get pregnant, what would she do? Maybe adopting would be an option, but she hated to go through the long process of waiting. Well, she didn’t need to think about that now.

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Chapter Fifteen Kim put rock salt between the layers of ice in the electric ice cream maker. The motor sounded great to her ears as it pushed the metal container around. When was the last time she’d made ice cream? She watched the container moving smoothly around in the midst of the melting ice. Her inspiration to have homemade ice cream for tonight’s dessert had occurred to her yesterday when she’d made a final menu for today’s dinner for Tori and Eric. She was excited they were coming. She smiled to herself, thinking how nice it’d been to be home this morning to give Jason his spelling words before the usual Friday test. Gaby said she wasn’t a baby and had studied her words herself. For a change, Kim had made breakfast for Steve and the children. She wrinkled her forehead, thinking how after this weekend she planned on returning to work. That was why she’d scheduled the dinner for this evening. She wanted to have them over before she had to focus on a big fashion show that was coming up. At the sound of the doorbell, she wiped her hands on her blue jeans and ran to the front door. “Hi, Laura. I have to get back to the kitchen,” she said in a rush. “I’m making ice cream.” “I’m impressed, homemade ice cream. What’s the occasion?” “I’m having Tori and her father over for dinner tonight.” Laura followed Kim to the kitchen and draped her coat on a chair. “I’ll have to start coming to the kitchen door. You’re always in here these days. When’s Janice coming back?”

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“Monday, when I go back to work. But we’ll see her tonight. I invited her to dinner.” The container stopped turning. “I guess your ice cream’s done,” Laura said. Kim removed a big chunk of ice, held it up for Laura to see and dropped it in the sink. “This caused it to stop. It should start moving again. You have to make sure it goes around thirty minutes so it won’t be too soft.” “Why aren’t you using the new one I got you for Christmas? You don’t have to mess with ice and salt. You just pour the mixture into the freezer bowls.” “I was going to, but I didn’t read the instructions until this morning and saw where the insulated bowls have to be put in the freezer eight hours ahead. And I already had the salt and ice for the old one.” “I brought over a few chapters of my new book for you to read. I got off to a good start, then the words stopped. I’m not sure if I should continue with it. I need your opinion.” Laura put a folder on the table. “I’ll just put it here, and when you get a chance, read it. I know you’re busy. You don’t have to look at it today.” She laughed. “That’ll give me an excuse not to work on it.” Before Laura was a successful novelist, Kim had frequently read her first manuscripts. She seemed to have a feel for what would catch the editors’ attention and what would sell. Even now that Laura was established, Kim was still a sounding board to see what plot ideas and characters were interesting to her. Laura liked her agent and editors, but always felt comfortable giving her manuscripts to Kim to read first. “Which genre is it?” Laura wrote mysteries and romances under her name, but she used a pseudonym for her historical romances. “What’s it about?” “It’s a mystery about a missing bride. She’s on her honeymoon when she vanishes. While the groom and police look for her, they learn she had a secret life.” “Sounds intriguing… I’ll make time to read it today.” www.samhainpublishing.com

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“Thanks. What else are you feeding your guests?” “I decided on baked spaghetti, seven layer salad…” Kim added some ice. “Little loaves of bread…” She’d better take the frozen bread out after the ice cream was done. It needed to thaw and rise in time for her to bake it in the oven with the spaghetti. “I love your spaghetti recipe with the mushrooms, tomatoes, and other stuff. Is there anything I can do to help?” Kim shook her head. “I think I have everything under control. Oh, I want to have you, Peter and the kids over soon for dinner. And Steve suggested the four of us go to dinner and a movie sometime. We haven’t done that for ages.” “Peter’s not home much these days,” Laura said sadly. “Still a lot of sick kids, huh?” Laura had told her last week how lots of children had strep throat and respiratory illnesses. Laura nodded. “There’s so much stuff going around. He’s spending more time at the office.” She gave a little laugh. “The kids and I are hoping we get sick so we can see him again.” “I told you not to marry a doctor.” “Usually it’s not too bad. He doesn’t have to be on-call like an obstetrician and get up in the middle of the night to deliver a baby.” Laura sighed. “I wish we could leave and go on a trip. It wouldn’t have to be anything major, just a few days away from it so Peter would remember it’s relaxing for us to have sex. Our sex life is nonexistent these days.” Kim looked up from her ice cream freezer. “I can see where that could be a problem for a novelist who’s noted for her sexy books. Whenever I traveled, I hated reading your books. I got excited and missed Steve so much that it drove me nuts.” “I wish I could get Peter excited again.” Laura stared at Kim’s hair. “Maybe I should get a different look. Your hair looks good shorter.” “Before you get your hair cut, I think your idea about getting out of the routine is good. You need to bring the passion back. Peter’s work schedule’s hectic and that’s what went wrong with Steve and me. I always hurried off to go to work in the morning and gave him a quick 102

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kiss or no kiss. Now we make sure to take the time to kiss each other… I mean long kisses.” “Peter doesn’t even say goodbye in the morning. He seems preoccupied most of the time.” The ice cream freezer stopped again. “Let’s see if it’s done enough now.” Kim lifted off the motor, removed the lid and peered at the ice cream. She jiggled the paddle and saw it was the right consistency. She put the paddle on a plate and handed it to Laura. “Grab a spoon and enjoy what ice cream’s still on here. I need to get the container into the freezer. Homemade ice cream melts quickly.” Laura ate a spoonful. “This is delicious. Did you use grandma’s old recipe?” Kim nodded. “The one with six eggs and six cups of cream. It’s probably loaded with cholesterol.” The phone rang and Kim answered it. Laura finished eating the melted ice cream and put the plate in the dishwasher. Although the caller couldn’t see her, she nodded energetically. “Of course, I’m still planning on it… I wouldn’t quit now. It’s too important to the children.” After a few more minutes of conversation, Kim replaced the phone and turned to Laura. “It was Allison. She wanted to know about the fashion show for Children’s Hospital. She wondered if I was up to doing it. I wouldn’t dream of not having the show. It’ll buy medical equipment for the children.” Laura grinned. “Plus you already got a big donation from Mrs. Harrison for it. Are you still setting up a designer clothing shop at the hospital?” “Yes, Allison and I had already chosen the clothing and all the displays before the crash. The whole fundraising event will run for ten days, so could my famous and glamorous sister do a book-signing on one of the days?” “I’d love to.” Kim wiped the counter. “I have an idea. I’ll find a vacant room and you grab that neglectful husband of yours after he makes his morning www.samhainpublishing.com

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rounds, and you can do it right in the hospital. A child-size bed should be nice and cozy, and doing it where he works should charge him up. Maybe he’ll stay aroused until he gets home and there’ll be more intimacy between the Linhardts.” Laura laughed. “I’ll do it on one condition.” “What?” “You go to Steve’s office and make love.” “I’m game, but only if you and Peter do it first. This is going to be fun.” Kim grinned. “Maybe we’ll conceive a baby in Steve’s creative ad office.” “Hey, you didn’t tell me, Steve agreed to have a baby?” Laura asked. “No but he’s going with me to talk to the doctor because it’d help improve my health. My periods have had my tubes tied. I guess I might as well tell you a doesn’t want another child.” Kim stood and asked, coffee?”

about a reversal been bad since I big reason Steve “Would you like

“Sure. What’s his reason?” As Kim poured water into the coffeemaker, she said, “Steve’s going through a midlife crisis. I guess working at the same place for so long is killing his creativity. He thinks that having his own ad agency will be challenging, but he won’t have time to help me take care of a new baby. And he doesn’t think I’ll like to do it all.” “If you aren’t working as much or not at all, you’ll be fine. But I guess money might be a problem with a new business.” “Actually, I don’t care if he does start his agency. I’ll work through my pregnancy, and we can sell this mansion.” “You can’t do that. We can loan you money.” Kim shrugged. “Thanks, but we don’t need this big, showy place. And we don’t need to go to Europe this summer. I’ll use the money for the tubal reversal. I’m sure it’ll be expensive. But so worth it. I want a baby more than anything. I was too young when Gaby was born, and with

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Jason I was wrapped up in my career, but this time I’ll appreciate every precious moment with my baby.” “I hope you do have a baby. I love having three children.” Laura frowned. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed if you don’t get pregnant. Adoption is always a possibility.” Kim poured their coffee, walked to the table and sat across from Laura. “I’ve thought about adoption, but I feel strongly I’ll get pregnant. I keep having this dream. Jillian’s holding a newborn in her arms and she looks beautiful and happy. Then she walks slowly to me and smiling, hands me the baby all wrapped in a white blanket and says, ‘He’s yours. He’s the reason you survived the crash.’ Then I hold the baby and I feel at peace.” “I hope your dream comes true.” Kim rubbed her arms. “Unfortunately, I don’t just have this pleasant dream. I have nightmares, and they’re awful. I keep experiencing the crash over and over again. And the guilt is agonizing… I keep asking myself why did I live while so many people died?” “Oh, Kim, you shouldn’t feel guilty. You have to understand you had no control over that flight.” Kim put her hands around her mug, stared at it and said softly, “I think that’s what’s wrong with me. I’ve always been a great planner and enjoyed having control over my life. Then this terrifying disaster happens and I’m right in the midst of it.” Laura pursed her lips, then sipped her coffee. “I can’t imagine what it’s like for you. Maybe you should get help from a psychologist. It’s only natural you’re suffering from post-traumatic stress. Counseling would help you sort through your feelings.” “I might go to counseling. Steve thinks I should. I don’t feel whole.” Kim’s voice broke. Laura got up from her seat and hugged Kim. “I wish I could be more help. When I was little and got hurt, you could make me laugh and feel better.”

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“You have helped. We’re lucky we’re close. Not all sisters are.” From the beginning of their fragile childhoods, they’d learned to trust and depend on each other. When their parents were unable to give them what they needed emotionally, the two sisters had taken care of each other and their brothers. Both understood this bond and cherished it. “I admire you. You always think things through then put your plans into motion. Just like deciding to have another baby. You’ve wasted no time trying to convince Steve. I, on the other hand, have to think things through before I act. I work things out in my mind by writing my feelings down.” “That’s it.” What a relief. She hadn’t especially wanted to see a therapist. “Maybe I don’t need to go to counseling. Writing all my feelings down about the crash might help me to work through all this.” Laura nodded. “You can write exactly how you feel in a journal. It’s hard to return to your usual routine and a normal life. I think writing about your sadness and guilt over what happened will be a cathartic way of dealing with it. Your journal can be personal and private, you don’t have to share it with anyone. I have an extra blank one I’ll give you.” Kim rubbed her lower lip, thinking how she and Laura had felt deprived of their father’s love and attention. He took his twin boys camping, fishing and hunting, but he had no time for his daughters. She’d confronted her father about his indifference toward his wife and daughters. His reply had been, “Hey, you get to cook the fish and we eat it together. What more do you want?” Laura had never questioned their father about his disinterest in her. She’d hidden in their bedroom and written her true feelings about their dysfunctional family in a diary. Maybe Laura’s way of coping with an unpleasant situation would work for her. “The first thing I’ll write in the journal will be: I think having a baby will help me to feel whole again.” Laura grinned. “Well, you might not have much time to write if you and Steve decide to create a new little person.” They talked for several more minutes before Laura glanced at her watch and saw it was time to pick up Corey at kindergarten.

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“Oh yeah, I’ve been drawing again.” Kim handed some pictures of a chubby child to Laura. “Give these to Corey.” Laura shuffled through the pages. “These are fantastic.” “It’s just a children’s story I did. Go ahead and read what I wrote under the drawings.” Laura didn’t answer since she was already reading. When she finished, she said, “The story’s excellent. I might be able to get someone interested in publishing this.” “There’s no rush. I’m not sure if I’ll have time to finish it.” Laura rolled her eyes. “I see how it is. You and Steve will be too busy under the sheets.” She slid her arms in her coat. “If there’s a cooling off period, you might find time to finish it and I’ll be happy to see what I can do.” After Laura left, Kim realized she hadn’t mentioned Steve wanting to move to Portland. She shrugged. It didn’t matter since she was sure Steve would change his mind.

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Chapter Sixteen Steve pushed her dad’s wheelchair up the ramp into the house with Tori following. She appreciated Steve welcoming them and coming outside right away to offer his help. Her dad gave a backward glance. “Thanks, Steve.” Kim took his hand. “I’m glad you could come.” Steve grinned. “Me, too. Kim hasn’t cooked like this for years.” “Daddy, that’s not true,” Jason said, walking into the kitchen. Like his father, he wore a Chicago Bulls T-shirt and jeans. “Hi,” Gaby said. “And Dad was making a joke.” Kim smiled. “Actually, I only cook on weekends when Janice is off, but since she’s been helping her daughter and new grandson, I’ve enjoyed being home and cooking more.” She motioned to the array of drinks on the counter. “Steve, why don’t you get everyone a drink, and I’ll get the spaghetti out of the oven. Janice should be here any minute.” While Kim put on oven mitts, Tori whispered, “I still can’t believe Janice and Dad both collect records.” When Tori had mentioned her dad’s record collection in a phone conversation, Kim had told her about Janice having the same hobby. Kim nodded. “I’m hoping they’ll hit it off.” “If I go to college, I hate to leave him alone.” He’d given a great deal of energy and time to her and never did anything with people his age. Of course, his lack of a social life wasn’t all her fault. He felt uncomfortable asking women out since he was in a wheelchair. It’s not like she hadn’t tried to get him to ask someone out, but he felt that a woman wanted a whole man, one with legs. She’d told him women liked their men to be

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sensitive and caring, that personality counted more, but her comments always fell on deaf ears. “What would you ladies like to drink?” Steve said as he eyed the food. “Don’t even think about it.” Watching Steve closely, Kim said to Tori, “He’s dying to pick at the food.” He shrugged. “I think it’s a compliment to the cook.” Kim laughed. “No, it means he’s a pig.” Tori liked hearing Steve and Kim tease each other. Sometimes she didn’t think Ryan had a sense of humor. What was he doing tonight? She’d avoided him during school all week except for today when she’d cornered him in the cafeteria and asked him if he’d told his parents. He hadn’t, but wanted to eat lunch with her. Courtney, Ben and a few others had noticed Ryan no longer walked Tori to her classes and that they weren’t eating lunch together. Their friends had asked her what was going on and why they broke up. Although she wanted to talk to Courtney about the baby, she hadn’t been able to come to her house last Sunday after all. She couldn’t imagine Ryan being with another girl tonight when he wanted to marry her, but maybe he was. After a week, he was as determined as ever not to tell his parents. He apparently would rather lose her than be a man and take the consequences of his parents knowing he’d gotten her pregnant. After Janice’s arrival, Tori’s thoughts were interrupted by Kim’s introduction. Tori saw a spark of interest in her father’s eyes as he grasped Janice’s hand in greeting. She noticed Janice didn’t give him a weird look. Sometimes his wheelchair made people uneasy, and she hated how they totally ignored him. She was grateful he’d listened to her and wore a new deep blue shirt with his khaki pants. Maybe a friendship might start between these two. In the dining room, a beautiful chandelier hung over the rectangular table and chairs upholstered in a deep rose fabric. Kim and Steve were seated at the ends of the table with Tori, Gaby and Jason on one side. Her father sat on the opposite side with Janice.

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Gaby chewed her forkful of spaghetti, turning to look at Tori. “Where’s Ryan tonight?” Tori shrugged. “I don’t know. We had a disagreement and we aren’t seeing each other right now.” “I broke up with my boyfriend this week.” Gaby rolled her eyes. “He was boring.” Jason laughed. “How could he be boring when he’s a bug eater?” “Michael was not my boyfriend, stupid.” Steve raised his eyebrows at Gaby. “I didn’t realize you had a boyfriend.” “She mentioned to me they ate lunch together at school.” Kim smiled at Janice. “How’s Dillon?” “He’s so sweet. I just love holding him.” “There’s something so special about holding a newborn,” Kim said, wrapping her spaghetti around her fork. “A baby’s worth all the labor pain.” “Were you in pain with me?” Jason asked. Kim ruffled his hair. “Yes, but I didn’t notice it when I held you in my arms for the first time.” “Kim told me Patti had to go back to the hospital when Dillon was only a few days old.” Steve looked up from buttering his bread. “How’s Patti doing now?” “She’s better, but she’s still weak.” Her dad wiped his mouth. “My wife, Elizabeth, had a kidney infection after Tori was born. Did something like this happen to your daughter?” Janice nodded. “She ran a high fever and had some kind of an infection caused by her C-section.” “If Patti still needs your help, I’ll understand,” Kim said. Gaby widened her eyes at her mother. “Mom, don’t tell her that. Janice, I’ve missed you.” Janice gave Gaby a smile. “I’ve missed you, too, but I don’t think I’m needed. The house looks wonderful.” 110

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Gaby said frantically, “Please come back on Monday. We do need you and—” “Gaby misses you making her bed. Mom makes her do it now,” Jason said with a mouthful of food. “And other things,” Gaby mumbled. Steve grinned. “Yeah, Janice, we know your secrets now. Shame on you.” Janice shrugged. “I helped Gaby with some of her chores because she’s been so busy this year with student council and she had a lot of homework.” “Mom’s going to have a baby,” Jason said. “Congratulations,” her dad said. “I’m not pregnant,” Kim said, “but I do want another baby. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get pregnant though.” “Did you call the adoption agencies I told you about?” Janice turned to her father. “Patti had trouble getting pregnant and was going to adopt.” “I did, but it might be years before there’s a baby to adopt. Teenagers are keeping their babies.” Kim fingered her glass of wine. “Also, childless couples have first dibs,” Steve said. Her dad pulled a piece of bread off his little loaf. “This bread’s delicious. Everything is good.” He paused for a moment. “I know someone who’s thinking about putting her baby up for adoption.” Tori choked on her food and frowned across the table at her dad. Kim gave Tori a concerned look. “Are you all right?” She sipped a few swallows of milk, trying to clear her throat. “Some food just went down wrong.” She couldn’t believe her dad would open his mouth and so casually mention knowing someone with an unwanted baby. He hadn’t wanted her to mention her pregnancy to Kim. But now he knew Kim was thinking of adopting, he was ready to give her baby away.

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Kim wiped her mouth with a napkin and stared at her father. “When’s the baby due?” “August,” Tori answered. Her dad pinched his lips. “I’ve talked about this girl to Tori. She doesn’t think the girl should give her baby up for adoption, and I do because she’s young and unmarried.” Kim said, “Steve and I would need to talk about this more, but we might be interested.” She knows, Tori thought when she met Kim’s kind gaze. When her dad had mentioned a young, pregnant, unmarried girl, Tori knew Kim was smart enough to put it all together. She wasn’t happy her father had told her to keep quiet about her pregnancy then mentioned her baby being available for adoption. But she would talk to Kim soon. Gaby smiled at Tori. “If you’re done eating, I want to show you my new Orlando Bloom poster.” Tori nodded. “He’s a hottie.” “We’ll have dessert a little later,” Kim said to both girls. “I want your recipe for the baked spaghetti,” Tori said as she picked up her plate. “I’ll print you a copy before you leave. Oh, Janice,” Kim said, “I have a surprise for you.” “You have to guess,” Jason said, smiling at Janice. With a thoughtful look, she said, “I can’t imagine what it’d be.” “You know that Tom Jones record you’ve been trying to track down?” At Janice’s nod, Kim said, “I got it.” An hour later, they ate ice cream in the family room downstairs. Janice and her dad talked about their record collections. Gaby flipped the channels for a movie to watch on the big screen TV. Kim told Tori about the fashion show at Children’s Hospital, and asked if she’d consider modeling in it.

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Tori licked chocolate syrup off her mouth. “Sure…if I don’t have a basketball game.” “I want to show you some plans I have for the show and see what you think. You can go with me while I get them out of my desk. I have some other stuff to show you about the medical equipment we want to buy with the money we’ll make.” Tori’s stomach turned and she wondered why. She hadn’t been queasy since the day of the crash. She rose and a slight dizziness hit her. She hadn’t had any pregnancy symptoms except feeling tired. No one had given her any information on prenatal care at the clinic. They were busy and understaffed that day. Also, she’d been so upset when her pregnancy was confirmed that she didn’t pay attention to anything said to her by the doctor. Maybe she should be taking vitamins and doing other stuff. She needed to talk to Kim. Going to her office was the perfect opportunity. On the way up, they met Steve and Jason on the stairs with their second dishes of ice cream. Steve swatted Kim’s butt. “This ice cream’s good.” Jason stopped eating and asked, “Where you going?” “Tori might be able to model in the fashion show at Children’s and I’m going to give her some information.” Kim, resting her hand on the railing, turned to look at Jason. “Don’t forget you’re modeling some clothes for me.” On the last step, Jason glanced over his shoulder. “I’ll model if Daddy does.” Kim grinned. “I already put his name down.” “Hey, babe, remember no pink shirts,” Steve said as he walked through the doorway to the family room. “And no girl stuff,” Jason added. Tori hadn’t seen Kim’s office before. She sprawled on the little gray sofa and put a throw pillow under her head. “Wow, this is comfortable. My dad needs something like this in his home office.”

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Kim sat in a swivel chair, reaching for a file on her desk. “Tori, I do want to show you this stuff, but first I wondered if you’d like to talk to me about anything.” “Well, not anything.” Tori removed the pillow, gripping it in her hands. She straightened in her seat. “How about my baby?” Kim held the folder in her hand. “When your dad mentioned adopting a young girl’s baby, I knew he was talking about you.” Tori nodded. “I thought you figured that. I’m glad you know. It’s a relief. I’ve wanted to talk to you about it, but my dad didn’t think I should.” “I guess that’s why you and Ryan have been talking about marriage.” Tori sighed. “It gets worse. He wants to get married now, before graduation. He says he can’t tell his parents about the baby until we’re married. I told him if he didn’t tell them right away, I wouldn’t see him again.” “I take it he didn’t tell them since you aren’t seeing each other.” At Tori’s nod, Kim continued, “And your dad wants you to put the baby up for adoption. What do you want?” “I don’t know what I want now, but one thing’s for sure, I never wanted to get pregnant my senior year in high school.” Tori lowered her eyes. “I was going to New York because I planned on getting an abortion. I didn’t want to have one here and risk others finding out about it. My dad didn’t know then, but I told him after the crash. I can’t abort this baby after we both survived. Ryan never wanted me to have an abortion, so we agree about that.” “I can understand why you changed your mind. Surviving when so many died makes you appreciate what a miracle life is. I had my tubes tied when Jason was a baby, and I realize how wrong that was of me. I want to have surgery to reverse it, but Steve doesn’t agree.” “So we’re both having guy problems.” “I guess so. Steve didn’t want me to have a tubal ligation in the first place, but now he doesn’t want a third child because he wants to start his own agency.” 114

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“I bet he’ll change his mind.” “Maybe. Before the crash I would have just gone ahead and done what I wanted, but I can’t now. I prayed that if I survived, I’d be a better wife and mother.” “And I want to do whatever is best for my baby, but I don’t know what it is.” Kim hugged her. “We’ll look at your options.” Should she mention she’d had sex only once with Ryan? She didn’t want Kim to think badly of her. Twisting her ring, she said, “You know how in the soaps people have sex once and wham, a baby’s conceived?” Kim shook her head. “I never watch soaps.” “You’re kidding.” Tori shrugged. “Ryan and I both were excited when his football team and my soccer team were league champs. We drank and celebrated. I don’t sleep around. We’d planned on waiting until our wedding night, but instead we lost control.” “Unfortunately, you aren’t alone. A lot of babies have been conceived the same way.” “Ryan said his parents had to get married because his mother was pregnant with him.” Tori sniffed hard and Kim grabbed a tissue off the desk. After Tori blew her nose, she continued, “I want to play soccer and Daddy thinks I still can.” “He might be right, but before you get any more stressed out about what to do, have you gone to an obstetrician?” Tori shook her head. “I went to the clinic once to confirm I was pregnant. After we crashed, a doctor checked out the survivors. I told him about my pregnancy, and he listened to the baby’s heartbeat and said it was strong.” “If it’s all right with your dad, I’ll find out if his insurance will cover your visits to my OB and I’ll take you.” Kim squeezed Tori’s shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.” During dinner, Kim had mentioned calling adoption agencies. Wasn’t that something, she was pregnant and Kim had checked out about

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adopting? Life worked in mysterious ways. For the first time, she felt her pregnancy might not be so bad. Kim could adopt and get the baby she wanted, and she’d feel relieved knowing her baby would have a good home. She smiled. “You’ve helped me ever since we met. Maybe you’re meant to be the mother of my baby.” Steve loomed in the doorway and stared at Tori. “I probably should pretend I didn’t hear what you just said, but I have a feeling I need to know exactly what you meant. Are you pregnant?”

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Chapter Seventeen On the following Tuesday after the dinner with Eric, Tori and Janice, Kim filled out a new medical form while Steve glanced at the pregnant women in the doctor’s waiting room. When Kim was pregnant with both their children, she’d looked beautiful to him. He came today to hear about a reversal, not to agree to have the procedure done. After what she’d been through, was he wrong putting his needs ahead of hers? Maybe he should fold and go with her desire to have a reversal. A little boy with blond hair darted in front of him, putting his toy truck on the floor. On his hands and knees, the toddler pushed the truck along and made roaring sounds. Steve had played a lot with Jason at that age. Would it be so bad to have another child at forty? Focus here. Big bucks were involved in this situation. Reversals were expensive and he doubted their insurance would pay for it. And to make matters worse, if Kim should get pregnant and both of them quit their jobs, they’d have to pay for maternity costs. How would they have enough money to move to Portland and start his new business? Originally he’d planned on Kim getting a job when they moved and providing a dependable income, but she was adamant about staying home with a new baby. A nurse came into the room and called the name of the boy’s pregnant mother. Steve watched her slowly get up from the chair. She pulled on her son’s hand. “Come on, let’s see our babies. And remember, if you’re good while they do the ultrasound, you can show the picture to Grandma.” Babies. How many was she having? She looked huge. He nudged Kim and whispered, “How many are in there?”

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“At least a litter.” At his worried expression, Kim grinned. “I’m kidding. I overheard her saying she’s carrying twins.” Man, he’d been thinking about one baby. Kim might have more than one. Just like his bizarre dream of her having six babies. Well, of course, he wasn’t stupid. She wouldn’t have that many at once. Unless she decided to take a fertility drug after the reversal, and why would she do that? She never had trouble getting pregnant before she had her tubes tied. He pulled a handkerchief out of a pocket and wiped the sweat off his forehead. Fifteen minutes later, they were in Dr. Larsen’s office. He’d delivered both Gaby and Jason. From behind his desk, Dr. Larsen gave them a warm smile. “It’s good seeing both of you.” He glanced down at Kim’s folder. “You haven’t been in for two years, I see.” Kim nodded. “That was when I came in for a pap smear and to complain about my periods.” Dr. Larsen looked at the information Kim had updated. “So the reason for your visit is to discuss the possibility of having a tubal reversal. You came to the right place. My partner and I have a lot of experience doing reversals with wonderful results. Many of the women have remarried and want more children with their second spouse.” Kim grinned, patting Steve’s knee. “We’re still a twosome, so we don’t fit that category. I just survived a plane crash in New York and after I saw so many deaths, I realized how much I want to be part of life.” “My brother originally planned to go on that flight, but fortunately, he had a change in plans.” Dr. Larsen paused for a moment. “I’ve never had that type of near death experience myself, but I do understand you wanting another child. Our little girl, Hannah, died in my arms almost two years ago, and afterwards my wife Jane and I realized how much we wanted a third child.” “I’m so sorry about Hannah,” Kim said.

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Dr. Larsen cleared his throat. “Hannah was at my mother’s house. She ran across the street and was hit by a car.” “We didn’t know. I’m sorry,” Steve said. “After losing her, we were so heartbroken. Like you, Jane had her tubes tied after Hannah’s birth. We knew a new baby would never replace Hannah, but having the reversal turned out to be the right thing to do. We have a baby boy.” Steve saw the incredible sadness in the doctor’s eyes. How terrible that his little daughter had died. Losing Gaby or Jason would be so awful. He understood why Dr. Larsen decided to have another child. “Congratulations on your son,” Kim said. Steve nodded and said, “That’s wonderful.” Dr. Larsen turned a picture of his new son around on his desk so they could see it. “Here’s Zach.” Kim picked up the framed photo. “He’s adorable.” “He must take after your wife,” Steve said, grinning. Kim frowned. “Steve—” Dr. Larsen chuckled. “Let’s hope your baby takes after Kim.” “Or babies,” Kim said. Steve gave Kim a startled look. Babies. Like plural, meaning more than one. He’d been trying to come to grips with having one infant. Shit, Kim might have several children in the next few years. How could he quit his job? “How do you feel about that?” Dr. Larsen asked Steve. “I never wanted Kim to have her tubes tied and wanted a large family, but to be honest, now that I’m forty…I’m not sure this is a good time.” Dr. Larsen nodded. “I’m forty-two so I can relate. I’ll be sixty when Zach graduates from high school. But it’s great having a baby in the house again, and I think he’ll keep me young because I’ll be doing all kinds of stuff with him. Our oldest son is ten and he loves having a little brother.”

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“I’m concerned about the cost of a reversal,” Steve said. He’d better not mention how both of them wanted to quit their jobs. He’d let Kim tell Dr. Larsen what she wanted him to know about their future plans. Dr. Larsen nodded. “It’s expensive, but well worth it.” Kim held Steve’s hand. “We might sell our house and simplify our lives.” Dr. Larsen smiled. “Sounds like we’d better start talking about making you fertile again.” Steve squeezed Kim’s hand because suddenly he was glad she’d made him come with her today. Yeah, he’d dragged his feet, but listening to Dr. Larsen made him realize he’d better hug Gaby and Jason when he got home today. Although Kim’s near-death experience had already influenced their lives, listening to Dr. Larsen’s tragedy of losing his daughter and having another child made sense to Steve. It wouldn’t be easy to live on a drastically reduced income, but if Kim was willing to do without certain things, then he could welcome another child. They might struggle financially in the beginning, but would that be so bad if Kim was happy? Maybe this was the answer he’d been searching for the last few months. Just starting a new business might not be enough to make him satisfied with his life. It made sense to have a baby out of this new closeness and love he had now with Kim. Steve listened carefully as Dr. Larsen told how sterilization reversals had been performed on women for many years, but with only a success rate of five to ten percent. He explained in the mid-1970s the success rate increased dramatically with a new technique, microsurgical sterilization reversal. With this new method, patients were able to return home within hours of the surgery and resume normal activities within three to seven days. “So she won’t be in the hospital very long?” Steve said. “There’s no hospital stay. The procedure takes only an hour or less.” “How many women usually become pregnant after this type of surgery?” Kim asked.

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“We have a high success rate at around seventy percent. But there’s no guarantee. The sterilization method using clips has a high reversal success rate and fortunately, that’s what you had. If we’re successful, conception will probably take some months.” Dr. Larsen grinned. “I think we can be optimistic that you might be buying maternity clothes within a year of your surgery unless…” “Unless what?” Steve asked. “Unless the cost might be a problem. I should tell you one major obstacle in reversing sterilization is the cost, because almost all health insurance plans won’t cover it.” “How much does it cost?” Steve said. “It’s $6,900 or $7,900 on the installment plan.” Kim shrugged. “That’s a small price to pay so we can have another child.” “There’s something to warn you about and that’s the risk of ectopic pregnancy.” “My sister mentioned that to me. How much of a risk is it?” Kim asked. “Approximately ten to fifteen percent. But we take safeguards, and you’ll do early pregnancy monitoring to prevent rupturing the fallopian tube.” Steve didn’t like the sound of a possible ruptured tube. “What happens if it isn’t caught in time?” “Then it results in internal bleeding and requires emergency surgery, but if you follow our recommendations for the monitoring, the rupture can be prevented.” “Do you do an early ultrasound when and if I get pregnant?” Dr. Larsen nodded. “Yes. Do you have any other questions?” Kim said, “I can’t think of any right now.” Steve shook his head. Dr. Larsen stood. “I want you to meet my partner, Rebecca Brown. She taught me the tubal microsurgical techniques.” www.samhainpublishing.com

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Dr. Larsen left to get Dr. Brown. “Well, babe, I’m ready to write a check for $6,900.” Tears welled in Kim’s brown eyes as she kissed Steve. “Thank you. You won’t regret it.” He knew Eric would regret their decision to try to get pregnant since he wanted them to adopt Tori’s baby. But he didn’t mention Eric to Kim because he didn’t want to ruin her moment of happiness. After all, they needed to get their lives back on track with the least amount of complications possible. Hopefully, Eric would realize how important having a reversal was to them and understand they might not be the best parents for Tori’s baby.

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Chapter Eighteen After Steve and Kim had scheduled her surgery, they walked out of the office feeling very pleased. Once in the parking lot, Steve kissed Kim for a long moment. As his finger brushed her cheek tenderly, he said, “I love you.” Kim, standing next to her red Land Rover, hugged him and said, “I love you so much.” She buried her face against his chest for a moment. She would never forget this moment of complete happiness. With Dr. Larsen’s and Dr. Brown’s impressive track record, Steve knew she could very well be added to their list of successes. And he still had given the goahead. He hadn’t made excuses to give it more thought and to wait. She’d never loved this man more in her whole life. He wrapped his arms around her. “You should have worn a coat. The temperature’s dropped.” “The wind is cold.” Glancing at Steve, she said, “I wish we didn’t have to go to work. There’s something else I’d rather do.” “What’s that?” “Let’s just say I’m feeling very horny right now, so you better be ready for tonight.” “Babe, I’m always ready for you.” He squeezed her butt. “And let Allison do the work today, I don’t want you tired tonight. I want you to have enough energy to attack me in bed.” ***

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Allison, clipboard in hand, smiled at Kim as she walked into the storeroom. “I was just checking off the new merchandise. You’re going to love what came in.” Kim glanced at her assistant, thinking how Allison would have beautiful children someday. Steve was right. Her mind was filled with baby thoughts. “I bet not as much as I love what just happened at the doctor’s office.” Allison stuck her pencil behind her ear. “You’re going to have a baby, right?” Kim nodded. “Steve surprised me and wants me to have the reversal. We scheduled it for March. I just need to take it easy for the first three to five days. My surgery will be after the fashion show and before we leave for Portland.” She’d told Allison they were visiting Steve’s brother over spring break, but didn’t tell her how he wanted to relocate them to Oregon. “That’s good. I think flying there will be good, so when our Paris trip comes up in a few months, you’ll be ready to go farther.” “We aren’t flying.” Kim assumed they would drive her Land Rover and hoped Steve hadn’t expected they’d fly. She couldn’t get on a plane right now. Maybe she never could travel by plane again. Allison pushed her bangs out of her eyes. “Oh, I almost forgot. Eric Moorhead called. He’s working at home, in case you want to call him now.” “I’ll call him, but first I want to see what came in.” She saw the dresses on the clotheshorse and lifted a white one out to examine it. “Gaby would look beautiful in this dress for graduation, don’t you think?” she asked, glancing at Allison. She’d been surprised Gaby hadn’t mentioned her graduation dress since she’d wanted Kim to shop while in New York. She’d take it home tonight to show her. Allison nodded. “That’s the one I like a lot, too.” Kim never knew anyone with violet eyes like Allison’s. She reminded her of a young Elizabeth Taylor. “You look very pretty in your purple shirt. It looks great with your eyes and complexion.” 124

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“Thanks.” Kim went through more of the new shipment, and wondered why Eric wanted to talk to her. Did it have something to do with adopting Tori’s baby? Eric knew Tori had told them about her condition. She couldn’t think of any other reason he’d be calling, and he probably didn’t want to call her at home to discuss it. They hadn’t told Jason, but had told Gaby. In fact, she talked to Gaby about abstinence again. Tori wasn’t the only high school girl expecting. Many girls younger than Tori were getting pregnant. She didn’t want Gaby to be one of them. She rubbed her lip and thought she might as well find out what Eric wanted. Allison left to check on the progress of the window display, and Kim sat on a swivel chair by a desk loaded with brightly colored swatches of fabrics. Lifting a fiery red cloth, she found the phone and called Eric. “Hi, it’s Kim. Allison said you called.” “I have good news.” Eric paused. “I guess it’s good. Ryan finally told his parents about the baby. And they didn’t lynch the kids, but were disappointed history repeated itself.” “Tori told me about his mom being pregnant and getting married young. I guess since they’ve been through it, they might have some good input on what to do.” “Well, that’s a problem. They love Tori and want her and Ryan to get married in a few weeks and live with them until the baby’s born.” Eric sighed. “I don’t want Tori to get married yet and leave home. I’m not ready to lose her. Even though I went along with her choice for college in another state, I knew she’d still be home for breaks and I was going to her games.” “I don’t blame you. You two are close and she’d want you at her games.” She just hoped Tori would get to play soccer and go to college. “Is she thinking about getting married now?” “She said if she can find a good home for their baby, she thinks adoption would be the best choice.” Eric said, “That’s one reason I’m calling. Tori and I talked about it a lot last night, and we think you and Steve would be terrific parents for the baby.”

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Kim doodled on a piece of paper. What should she say? Adopting Tori’s baby might be a possibility, but not likely with her own chance to conceive again. “I haven’t known Tori for long, but we’ve been through a great deal together and I feel very close to her. I’d love to help her out, but I just don’t know about committing to adoption at this time. I don’t want to influence her either way and want her to decide what she wants. If I tell her right now that we’ll take the baby, she might change her mind later.” “That’s true, but she told me last night marriage scares her.” Kim exhaled a deep breath. “I love Tori and I know I’d love her baby, but I need to think about adoption some more and talk to Steve.” Should she tell Eric about the tubal reversal and that she might be pregnant soon? “I appreciate you listening to all this. I’d better get off here so you can get back to work. Oh, wait a minute,” Eric said in a rush, “one more thing…” He’s going to mention Janice and how much he wants to see her again. Janice had remarked how they’d enjoyed comparing their record collections over the weekend. Before she could say anything about how great Janice was, he continued, “Tori’s going to the sweetheart dance with Ryan And I told her to get a new dress for it. I know it’s short notice since she has to get it this week, but could you help her look for one?” “I’d be happy to.” Kim thought for a moment and wondered if Eric would want to go to Tori’s appointment. He’d given her the go ahead to call her doctor. She’d been able to get Tori in with Dr. Larsen for the following Monday. “I scheduled a doctor’s appointment for Tori on President’s Day. Do you have this holiday off? You could go with us.” “I can’t. I have to go into the office on Monday.” When she got off the phone, she stared at her artwork. She’d drawn two babies holding hands and knew what it meant. Eric and Tori were so interested in her and Steve adopting the baby. Could she be a good mother to Tori’s baby and possibly hers plus Gaby and Jason? And did

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she want to try? Before the crash she was always in control and knew exactly what path she needed to stay on in life. But now she felt pressured to make a decision about adopting Tori’s baby. How could she know what was best when the whole thing confused her?

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Chapter Nineteen Early Friday morning, she wrote four special words on a heart puzzle and grinned. She carefully broke the puzzle apart and slipped the pieces into an envelope. On the outside, she printed Mr. Collins. Opening his briefcase, she put the envelope right underneath a top paper. She’d love to see his face when he read her message at work. A couple hours later, Kim was at her desk when the phone rang. When she answered, Steve said, “Someone here put a message in my briefcase in the form of a puzzle and it’s making me very uncomfortable.” “What’s the message?” “‘I want your body’.” He paused for a moment. “I might know who did it.” “Obviously it’s someone who thinks you’re hot.” “Yeah, I think so, but I’m going to have to set her straight.” In a serious voice, Kim said, “Do you think it’s Mrs. Gates?” “Very funny. Mrs. Gates is probably in her sixties.” Steve frowned. “So you’re saying only older women think I have a nice body?” “No. I’m sure your body turns on everyone.” She stifled a giggle. “Well, don’t keep me in suspense. Who do you think it is?” “I left to get coffee and when I came back, Shellie was sitting in my chair.” “Hasn’t she been hinting around that she wants to date that new guy?” “That’s what I thought, but now I think she’s been coming in here to see me.”

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Kim laughed. “I guess you don’t think it’s Shellie.” “Nope. I don’t. Is there anyone else you think it could be?” Steve sighed. “I don’t know. There’s a new woman in billing and she talked to me about her little boy biting other children. She asked me what she should do to stop it. I told her I didn’t know. We never had that problem, but she should ask her pediatrician.” “That sounds like she was hitting on you and it could be her. Or it could be someone very close to you.” She used a sexy bedroom voice and said, “Mr. Collins, I want your body.” Steve chuckled. “You little sneak. I think I’ll come to your office right now and ravish you for tricking me like that.” “You’re on.” “I’m serious. I want you right now.” Kim groaned. “I wanted you to get turned on when you knew the puzzle was from me and be excited for tonight’s action. But now I ache so much for you that I’m going crazy. It backfired.” “You think you have it bad. Man, my dick’s hard as a rock.” “That’s all I need. An image of your dick.” “You’ll see the real thing soon. I’m going to get my work done as fast as possible.” She stayed seated at her desk after their phone conversation and thought how she should tell Laura about the heart puzzle. She might want to try it with Peter to get some results. Of course she knew Steve wasn’t serious about coming to Altman’s to seduce her. She smiled. What fun they’d had talking about their sexual desires for each other. Before the crash, she’d never have taken the time to do something like putting a puzzle in his briefcase. When he’d called her his uptight and controlling Kim, she realized there’d been some truth in his assessment. No wonder there was a renewed closeness in their marriage with both of them making more time for each other.

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Before Kim had given the puzzle to Steve, they’d made plans to get an early start celebrating Valentine’s Day since both children had plans on Friday night, the thirteenth. Jason was invited to spend Friday at Max’s and Gaby was going to a junior high dance. When Gaby was invited to stay overnight at her best friend’s house, Steve had looked so happy that Gaby was a little hurt. He explained he had some work to do, so he was relieved she had something fun planned for Friday night. Gaby looked happy again when he hugged her and said he’d miss her. Kim’s dad had never hugged her. She never saw her parents show each other any affection. No kissing, no hugging, no loving looks between them, no laughter. In fact, Kim felt her father hadn’t cared as much for her and Laura because they were girls and resembled their mother. Both had their mother’s vibrant auburn hair and brown eyes. Although Gene Hanson gave little attention to the women in his family, he enjoyed his free time with his twin sons, Jimmy and Johnny. He took them fishing, hunting and camping. Finally, in high school, Kim had decided it was nonsense not to have any touching from either parent. They shared the same house as a family, ate at the table together daily and fought over whose turn it was in the one bathroom. Just because her parents didn’t kiss her good night didn’t mean she couldn’t show affection. She went to her mother and kissed her on the cheek. Then she went to her dad and nervously gave him a kiss, too. Kim thought she surprised them, but both were very reserved individuals when it came to affection, making it hard to tell. After a week of giving them a kiss good night, she decided to do more. The nightly kiss was followed with “I love you.” This became her routine until she left home, but seldom did Kate and Gene Hanson say back to their daughter that they loved her. ***

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Kim looked sexy in a red, sheer stretchy thing. He thought she'd called it a chemise. She carried a bottle of champagne as she walked across their bedroom floor. Did she sell many of those chemise things at Altman’s? Every man should be so lucky. He smiled as she put the fluted crystal glasses and bottle by the bed. “If you ever need a statement for an ad to sell chemises, I’ll give one. You are one hot woman in it.” He grabbed her, pulling her into bed. “The champagne can wait. You gave me a hard-on, just watching you walk into the room.” “I feel the same way.” He slid her chemise down. “Nice view.” “This view needs some attention and less chatter.” “I’ll see what I can do.” He first kissed the tip of her nose, then her mouth, then brushed tender kisses between her breasts, and finally he got to her midriff. After he smothered her there with kisses, his hands slowly moved downward, caressing the skin of her thigh. She arched her body and said in a breathless voice, “Steve, I want you.” “Babe, I love you.” “Please hurry. I need you inside me.” “Okay, honey.” He got on top and she gasped as his bare chest touched hers. With her legs wrapped around him, he slowly entered her and when he went deeper inside, she welcomed him into her body. After loving her, he savored their closeness, brushing a gentle kiss across her forehead. “Would you like some champagne?” At her nod, he poured the sparkling wine. She took a sip and sighed. “This is perfect, and the dinner you brought home was delicious.” Steve had stopped after work at Moretti’s Italian Restaurant. They both loved their lasagna and salads. He nodded. “It wasn’t ready when I stopped so I called Eric while I waited. I asked him tax stuff about starting my own business.”

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“Did you tell him you want to start your ad agency in Portland?” “No. I just asked him general questions. He was helpful. He’s pretty busy right now since he works for a company as an accountant, and he’s doing taxes for a few people.” “Janice mentioned he’s going to do her income taxes.” Kim took a sip of champagne. “Did he say anything about us adopting Tori’s baby?” “It never came up.” “Eric and Tori think we’d make good parents. Would you like to adopt her baby?” “I think we need more time to think about it. And since you’re having a tubal reversal, we might have our own baby.” Kim sighed. “I love Tori, but it’s so stressful wondering what to do. And I wouldn’t be surprised if Ryan’s parents keep the baby while they go to college. Let’s talk about something else.” He wondered if there was anything special she wanted to bring up. Kim grinned and whispered in his ear. With that kind of naughty talk, she’d already brought it up. And as he slid inside her, he said, “You’re one adorable wicked woman.”

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Chapter Twenty On Saturday night, Maddie sat in her mother’s car across the street, peering at Ryan’s house. She’d seen Ryan and Tori go in an hour ago. Ryan looked so hot in his gray shirt and tie. A tear rolled down her face. She should be going to the Sweetheart Dance with him instead of Tori. She knew about the dance because her friend, Haley, had talked about nothing else all week. Of all the luck, Haley was dating Brad, a friend of Ryan’s. If Ryan hadn’t dumped her for stupid Tori, they could have double-dated and it would have been so cool. Sniffling, she pulled a tissue out of the jacket pocket. She blew her nose, thinking how she’d stolen his jacket a week ago. She knew better, but she’d put it on while sitting in his truck and loved wearing it. When Ryan had left with Brad, she’d unlocked his truck and hopped in for a few minutes. Ryan always kept his truck locked, but she had her own key. Of course, Ryan didn’t have a clue she’d had a key made at WalMart. She did it the night she drove his vehicle to work when her mother’s car was in the shop. She’d planned on surprising him with little treats left on the seat, but she never got a chance because he broke up with her. At the time it hadn’t occurred to her he might not like that she had a key made. She smoothed her hand over his jacket, thankful she hadn’t returned it. Putting the collar up around her neck, she pulled the jacket tighter around her. She couldn’t run the engine for heat and call attention to herself. Talk about humiliation if they saw her sitting in a dark car on a Saturday night watching them. At the sound of her cell phone, she jumped. The phone had been purchased secondhand from another student. Finally she was like

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everyone else and had a wireless phone. But right now it was a major aggravation because she saw Haley’s number on the small screen and knew her friend would ask too many questions. Should she answer Haley’s call? After several rings, loneliness and curiosity won out. “Hi.” “Maddie, what are you doing?” “Why?” “Oh, I don’t know. You told me you had to work tonight, so Brad and I decided to make a stop at Wendy’s to see you before the dance.” Haley said in an accusing voice, “Your boss said you called in sick, but your mom says you went to work.” Maddie moaned. “You shouldn’t have called my house. I needed to use her car. I had to tell her I was working.” “You aren’t watching Ryan’s house again, are you?” She wished Haley didn’t know about her obsession. She hoped Brad wasn’t listening to Haley’s comments. All she needed was for him to tell Ryan. “Where’s Brad?” “You are. I just knew it.” Haley sighed. “Brad’s getting a coke. Maddie, you have to get over Ryan. Brad said Ryan and Tori are so much in love that they’re going to get married soon.” “Married? That can’t be. He wouldn’t throw away his football scholarship.” “He’s not. Tori’s thinking about giving up hers. They don’t want to be so far apart. I know you love Ryan, but you’ll get hurt if you keep this up.” “I’m glad you told me. But you don’t need to worry about me getting hurt. I’m going to get Ryan back.” She pressed her face against the cold window when she saw the front door open. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She rolled down the car window and her heart stopped at the sight of Ryan. She watched as he held Tori’s hand, walking down the porch steps. At the side of his truck, he tenderly put his hand on Tori’s chin

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and kissed her. After Ryan opened the truck door, Tori carefully lifted her long dress up to climb in. That’s a surprise, he’s driving the truck to the dance. He’d driven his dad’s nice sedan when he and Maddie had gone to a movie. He obviously had cared for her since he’d asked his dad for the family’s best vehicle. Ryan should be kissing her, not Tori. He’d been hers until Tori Moorhead entered the scene. He would’ve changed his mind about breaking up with her if Tori hadn’t been around. She was positive he still had strong feelings for her. He would be so miserable if he married Tori. She had to stop him. He’d thank her someday. How could she break them up? Think, Maddie. What would upset Tori enough that she wouldn’t want to see Ryan again? Something so shocking that Tori would jump to the wrong conclusion. A disgusting thought came to her. It was gross, but it might work. She drove to a secluded area outside Ryan’s high school. Then she pulled her off jeans and wriggled out of her panties. She opened the glove compartment and took out a flashlight. She was glad she hadn’t worn a panty liner today, but was disappointed to see little discharge on her underwear. She needed more to make it convincing. What could she substitute? She remembered she had hand lotion in her purse. She dug around until her fingers found the small bottle. Because her skin was so sensitive, her lotion wasn’t perfumed. She squirted some on the panties and rubbed it in. She would make sure Tori found the messy panties tonight. Tori would think the worst of Ryan and accuse him of having sex with someone. And although he’d deny it, Tori wouldn’t believe him. Maddie smiled. She might have lost Ryan once, but she’d get him back by deception. And he’d be hers forever.

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Chapter Twenty-one Tori leaned against Ryan outside his truck while they gazed at the stars. “What a perfect night,” she said. Ryan kissed her. “Perfect except for,” he banged the hood with his hand, “having to drive this. I can’t believe Dad had to have his car tonight and Matt needed Mom’s car.” “It’s no big deal.” She buttoned Kim’s coat. “It’s a good thing Kim loaned me her evening coat.” “She’s been very generous to you.” Yeah, Kim definitely had a big heart. She’d give their baby lots of love and a stable home life. And she was fun. When they’d shopped together for her dress, they’d laughed and talked. And Kim had picked out a great dress for her. She never wore red, but Kim made her try it on. And everyone at the dance had complimented her. “I like Kim a lot.” “Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” He lightly touched her curls on top of her head. “I like your hair up.” “I had fun getting ready. Kim actually took me to her hairdresser, but the best part was meeting her famous sister—” “The writer?” Tori nodded, remembering how many times Ryan had seen her absorbed in Laura Linhardt’s books. “When I realized a couple of weeks ago they were sisters, I begged Kim to give my books to her to autograph. Kim laughed and said I deserved a special treat today because I’d been such a good girl.” “I guess Linhardt autographed your books.” 136

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“She did and she also got her manicure set and fingernail polishes out and did my nails. Can you believe it? A famous novelist did my nails.” Tori rested her head against Ryan’s chest. “And Kim did my makeup.” “Are you hungry?” “No.” “You need to eat something. You barely touched your food at the restaurant.” “The smell made me sick.” Although she loved seafood, tonight the fish odor had made her queasy, so she’d only eaten her salad. Ryan squeezed her shoulder. “I wonder if the baby is a boy or a girl.” “I hope it’s a boy.” “Why?” “I think my dad would love having a grandson since he never had a boy.” “If we get married and keep our baby, your dad could see his grandchild a lot.” Tori nodded. “Since Kim’s trying to get pregnant, I’ve been thinking more about getting married. I don’t want our baby to go to strangers.” “I agree, but you already know that.” He put his arm around her waist. “What about getting married before Easter and going for a little honeymoon over spring break?” She pulled away from him. Why did Ryan have to mention getting married so soon? No way did she want to make plans for a spring wedding. “It’s getting cold.” While he opened the door for her, he said, “You don’t have to decide now, just think about it.” After they were both in the truck, she sighed and held Ryan’s hand. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do. It’s just for years I planned on going to college and playing soccer. It’s hard to give this up. And Dad keeps telling me I still can, but I don’t see how when the baby’s not due until August.”

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“I don’t think you can either. I’m so sorry.” She saw the pain in his eyes for the loss of her dream and knew her love for Ryan would never change. “I’ll try to make a decision soon. I do want to marry you someday and if we keep the baby, I guess over Easter would be a nice time for a wedding. But I’ll have to talk to Dad because I won’t be eighteen.” He beamed at her. “You won’t be sorry.” She went into his arms eagerly. She kissed him with a hunger, wanting to believe their love would always be so sweet. When Ryan stopped kissing her, he said, “I have a surprise for you and I was hoping I’d be able to give it to you tonight.” What could it be? “I love surprises,” she said, smiling. He hit the inside front light. “I want you to see what I bought for you.” Ryan opened the glove compartment. A girl’s panties fell onto the floor as he took out a small velvet box. Tori picked up the panties, looking closely. “This is gross. The underwear’s all sticky.” Ryan shook his head. “I don’t know where it came from. It wasn’t in here earlier when I put the ring in.” She raised her eyebrows. “I think we better talk.” Why were panties in that condition in Ryan’s truck? She couldn’t believe he had sex with someone else, but they sure didn’t get in there without something going on. “Tori, don’t look at me like that. I didn’t cheat on you. I promise.” “You did say you messed around a lot with Maddie.” “I never had sex with her.” He paused for a moment, staring intently at Tori. “And I don’t know why panties are in my truck. I love you and no one else. I would never do anything to hurt you.” She threw them down and dug a tissue out of her silver evening bag. She wiped her fingers and thought for moment. She believed Ryan. Then

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where did the panties come from? Someone must have gotten into his truck and left them. “Could they belong to Matt’s girlfriend?” “I don’t think so. Matt borrowed my truck earlier today, but I didn’t put the ring in until after he came back. The panties weren’t in here then.” He paused for a moment. “Someone had to do it while we were inside at the dance.” Tori gave him a puzzled look. It would’ve been impossible for someone to do that. “But Ryan, you had your truck locked.” “Unless someone has a key I don’t know about.” “And who wants to break us up?” Ryan stared at Tori. “I know you’re thinking it has to be Maddie because of what Haley told Brad, but I never gave her a key to my truck.” “I don’t think you did.” How did Maddie get his key? It had to be her. Tori remembered Maddie’s nasty plays during the basketball game and knew she was capable of planting her underwear in hopes of causing them to fight. “It’s pretty bad someone did this to us. It was a sick thing to do.” “Could we go?” She wanted to wash her hands. Whatever the sticky stuff was had made her feel dirty. “I hate for the night to end right now.” He sounded sad, and she hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings. “Oh, Ryan, I’m sorry. I just want to wash my hands.” They decided to get something to eat. Tori could use the restroom at the restaurant. After they drove for a few minutes, Ryan stopped at a Perkins Restaurant. She smiled after she returned from the rest room and slid into the booth. “I feel better now.” “Good.” He looked up from the menu. “How about some pancakes?” She nodded. “I am hungry.” After they both ordered pancakes, he said, “While you were in the bathroom I remembered Maddie borrowed my truck once while we were dating. She drove it to work, but she gave the key back to me.” www.samhainpublishing.com

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“She could’ve had a key made.” “But why? She didn’t have any reason to.” “I don’t know. She was probably obsessive about you.” Ryan rubbed his forehead. “If she did have a key made, I bet she used it before and took my jacket. I left it in the truck and it’s been missing.” “Something has to be done about her.” “I’m going to straighten her out. I think her parents need to know what she did, too.” “I think you should tell them.” Tori sipped her water. She didn’t want to talk about Ryan’s old girlfriend any longer. “Enough about Maddie. Let’s talk about us.” He reached across the table and took her hand in his. “I like the sound of that. I love you so much. Will you marry me?” She grinned. “Aren’t you forgetting something?” He gave her a broad grin and stuck his hand into his pocket. “If you don’t like this one, we can go pick out another one together.” She stared at the diamond ring in the opened box. “I love it. But how could you afford such a nice ring?” He shrugged. “I had some money saved.” “I don’t know about getting married before I turn eighteen, but I guess we could be engaged.” She might not be ready for marriage, but she could handle wearing an engagement ring. His lips brushed hers in a quick kiss. “We could get married after graduation.” “I might be ready in four years.” “Four years.” graduation.”

Ryan

shook

his

head.

“I

didn’t

mean

college

“If we give our baby up for adoption, will you still want to marry me?” He slid the ring on her finger and looked into her eyes. “No matter what happens, I want you to be my wife.”

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Chapter Twenty-two “Don’t leave me.” Tori grabbed Kim’s sleeve. Kim shook her head. “I’m just going to step out into the hallway and give you some privacy while you remove your clothing.” “Then you’ll come right back?” Kim nodded. “I promise.” With the click of the door, Tori sat on a chair in the corner and pulled off her gym shoes. Socks stay on, she thought, recalling what the nurse had told her to remove. She stood and unzipped her jeans. She pulled her bikini underwear down with her pants. After she removed her bra and blue sweater, she opened a metal drawer and tossed her clothing inside. But she didn’t close it. Had another pregnant teenage girl been in this room before her and used this same drawer? Or just married pregnant women? After she covered her body with a paper gown, Tori opened the door and was relieved to see Kim leaning against the wall. “I’m done.” Kim smiled. “That was fast.” “I want to get this over with,” Tori said, sitting on the edge of the examining table. Kim patted her shoulder. “I’m glad now that Dr. Larsen left to deliver a baby. I think you’ll feel more comfortable with Dr. Brown.” “I guess.” Kim watched Tori twisting her engagement ring around her finger. “Ryan gave you a beautiful ring.” Tori took a deep breath. “What do you think Dr. Brown will do today?” www.samhainpublishing.com

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“She’ll examine you and listen to the baby’s heartbeat. She’ll probably give you a prescription for prenatal vitamins and talk to you about your pregnancy and give you a chance to ask questions.” Kim paused for a moment. “Have you ever had a pap smear?” Tori shook her head. “She might do one, then.” “Thanks for being here with me. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Tori sighed. “I wish we could have met under different circumstances. I had a terrible nightmare last night that you were unconscious and couldn’t help me get my seat belt unfastened. The plane was burning and I kept screaming for someone to help me and no one did.” “I’ve been having nightmares, too. Steve thinks I should go for counseling. Would you like to go with me?” “Okay…” Her voice trailed off. Why did she agree to counseling? How could she fit it in, too? She was already overwhelmed with her senior year, basketball, pregnancy and Maddie… Hey, she never told Kim what Maddie had left in Ryan’s truck. “You aren’t going to believe what Maddie—” A knock on the door startled Tori. “It’s Dr. Brown. May I come in?” After the examination, Tori got dressed and joined Kim in the hallway. “The doctor always likes to talk to the patient in her office after the first visit,” Kim explained as they walked to Dr. Brown’s office. “You won’t do this the next time.” After Kim and Tori sat across from Dr. Brown, she asked, “Do you have any questions, Tori?” “I’m working out with weights for basketball. Is that okay for the baby?” Dr. Brown nodded. “That’s fine. You can easily do weights until the end of your pregnancy.”

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“What about sprints?” “You need to stop running sprints in the seventh month.” Dr. Brown smiled at her. “I’m pleased that you’re active. That always helps in delivery. Which reminds me, you should start natural childbirth classes around the time you quit your sprints.” Kim glanced at Tori. “I’m sure Ryan will like going to the classes with you. I remember it helped Steve feel part of everything when we went to them.” “I want you to come in next week for an ultrasound. I’d do it today, but our technician’s not here.” Dr. Brown closed the folder and looked up at Tori. “Since you’ve had a lot of stress with the crash, I’d like to see how the baby’s developing. You’re around fourteen weeks pregnant so this will be a good time to do an ultrasound. You might want to schedule it so your fiancé can come, too. We like for the fathers to feel included as much as possible.” Kim raised her eyebrows. “I’m sorry, Tori, I didn’t think to ask you if Ryan would want to come today.” Tori looked embarrassed. “I should have thought of it, but I’ll tell him today about the ultrasound.” Why hadn’t she mentioned it to him? He should have been here. “Since you told me about your engagement, I’m assuming you’re planning on keeping the baby,” Dr Brown said, “ but if you ever want to talk to me about what options are available to you, let me know.“ “Thanks. We just got engaged and Ryan wants to get married and keep the baby, but I’m not sure that would be the best for our child.” Tori took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to do.” Dr. Brown opened her drawer and removed several pamphlets. “You don’t have to decide right away. I have some material with all kinds of resources for you to read. Take some time to make this important decision.” Tori reached across the desk and took the reading material. “My dad thinks we should put the baby up for adoption.”

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“I’m sure all of you will have more discussions before you make your final decision.” Dr. Brown paused for a moment. “I’ll see you next week. Oh, one more thing. An hour ahead of the ultrasound, drink lots of water. Sound waves travel better through liquid, so a full bladder improves the quality of an ultrasound during early pregnancy.” Kim smiled at Tori. “I had ultrasounds with Gaby and Jason. It’s wonderful seeing your baby while he’s still inside you.” Dr. Brown handed Tori a sheet of paper. Here’s some information about the ultrasound and what to expect.” Maybe she should ask how much it’d cost before she scheduled it. “Is an ultrasound very expensive?” “No. I’m not sure what the exact cost is, but I think it’s around a hundred dollars or less.” Her dad had called before her appointment to make sure her pregnancy was covered and that Dr. Brown was a provider with his company. Even though they weren’t paying for the cost of the doctor’s care during her pregnancy and delivery, this little baby was already costing money, maybe not for them, but the insurance company. And what if the baby wasn’t healthy? Would the insurance cover all the expenses? So much to worry about. *** “I’m so glad you suggested stopping for lunch,” Tori said as she set her tray on the table. “I’m starving.” “Sorry it’s fast food, but I need to get back to work.” “That’s okay. I love Wendy’s.” Kim grinned and glanced at Tori’s salad and Frosty. “Even though you decided to eat healthy instead of a hamburger and fries.” “I don’t care since I have a Frosty.” “That’s one way to take care of your dairy requirement.” Kim crumbled crackers into her chili. “Oh, I mentioned counseling to you,

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and we can still do that, but there’s something else we might try first to see if it helps us.” Tori held her fork midway in the air. “What do you have in mind?” “I was talking to my sister, Laura, and she said how journal writing might be a positive thing to do. We could both write our feelings and not share any of it with anyone. And vent and get it all down in words. Or I was thinking we could share what we write with each other.” “I like that better than going to counseling. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t sure how I was going to fit it in my schedule.” Tori jabbed a leaf of lettuce with her fork. “We went through a lot together. We should try to heal from this experience together.” In an eager voice, Kim said, “Let’s start this week, but no rush and just write exactly how you feel about the crash.” “I wrote in a diary after my mother died.” Tori got out her cell phone. “I’m going to call Ryan to tell him about the ultrasound.” Kim ate her chili while Tori waited for Ryan to answer. “Wrestling practice should be over, but he’s not answering at home. I’ll try his cell phone.” When Ryan answered, Tori stuck her spoon in her Frosty and said, “Hi. I tried calling you at home. Where you been?” “I just left Maddie’s. And she did have a key to the truck.” “Did she admit putting her panties in the glove box?” “She wouldn’t answer me about that, but Maddie scares me. I got the key, but she has it in her head if you were out of the picture, I’d go out with her again. I told her that would never happen.” “Does she know we’re engaged?” “I told her and I warned her if she does anything again, we’re going to press charges against her.” “Let’s hope she leaves us alone now.” “So what did the doctor say?” “Oh yeah, that’s why I was calling you,” Tori said in a rush. “I have to go back next week for an ultrasound. It’ll be so cool and we’ll be able to see our baby on a screen. Would you want to go with me?” www.samhainpublishing.com

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“You bet I do. Would it be okay if my mom goes, too?” Tori paused for a moment. “I guess. I better go. Kim’s treating me to lunch, and she needs to get back to work. I’ll call you when I get home.” “I love you.” “Love you, too.” As soon as Kim heard Tori tell Ryan goodbye, she asked, “Okay, what’s this about Maddie?” “When Ryan went to get my engagement ring out of the glove box, panties fell out.” Tori made a face. “They were gross, all sticky, and we figured it had to be her. She wanted me to think Ryan had sex with her, but he didn’t.” “How disgusting.” “Ryan always keeps his truck locked and he said the panties weren’t there when he put in the ring, so we figured she did it when we were inside at the dance. She probably had a key made when she’d borrowed the truck when they were dating.” Kim wiped her lips with a napkin. “Did you tell your dad what she did?” Tori shook her head. “I hated to worry him about something else. I don’t think she’ll bother us again.” “I hope you’re right, but she seems to be an unstable person and I’m worried about her doing something else to you. Maybe another person should talk to her.” Tori shrugged. “I’m not scared of her. I just want her to stop trying to break us apart.”

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Chapter Twenty-three Since Kim’s goal was still to quit in a few months and have a baby, she told Allison to go to the store meeting with the managers and sales people. Kim had worked closely with Allison on the décor, signs, special lighting and fixtures for next month’s store displays. She wanted Allison to have practice explaining the reasons behind the chosen fashions and colors. Allison was imaginative, creative and perceptive. She’d done well with the extra responsibility Kim had given her recently. In New York, Allison had done a great job negotiating and made sound decisions. Soon she’ll be able to fill my shoes, Kim thought as she took long strides through the store. She’d have to hire someone to be an assistant buyer trainee. When Allison became the fashion buyer, the trainee would be ready to fill the vacant assistant buyer’s position. Well, maybe she shouldn’t be in too big a hurry to move Allison into her position. She might as well work until she was pregnant or until she adopted Tori’s baby. Kim returned to her office to clear her desk. Before she tackled the latest women’s sales to see if they’d met their profit goals, she pulled her inhaler out of a drawer. Too many smokers in the employee’s lounge and the extreme cold weather hadn’t helped. She’d just relaxed when Laura burst into the room. Kim took one look at Laura’s distraught face and smeared eye makeup and asked, “What happened?” Laura sobbed, clutching her long coat.

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Kim stood and wrapped her arms around her sister. What had upset her? Had one of her children been injured? Kim dismissed this ridiculous thought. Laura was always calm in any family crisis. When Corey had choked on a piece of meat, Laura stayed calm and did the Heimlich. And when Peter had his heart attack, her swift action had saved his life. After a few seconds of rubbing Laura’s back, Kim helped her sit down. “I’ll get you a drink of water.” She noticed a big hole in Laura’s hose and wondered what had caused that. Kim handed her the cup of water. Laura’s hand shook as she guided the cup slowly to her lips and swallowed a little water. “Is Allison here today?” Kim nodded, sitting beside Laura. “But she’s at a meeting and won’t be back for awhile.” After waiting a moment, she asked, “What happened?” “I did what you told me to do.” “What was that?” “Remember, I was complaining about Peter neglecting me? And you told me to seduce him in the hospital and he’d be charged up, doing it where he works.” Laura’s lip trembled. “I knew he was staying in to do paperwork before seeing his afternoon patients. His partner and their employees were going out for lunch. As I opened his door, I said, ‘Surprise, sweetheart’, and since I expected to see just him, I dropped my coat.” “I take it you were naked underneath.” Laura opened her coat, revealing a black lacy bra with a tiny garter skirt covering only her hips. She glanced down at her bare torso. “No, but I felt naked.” Kim took in the seductive lingerie complete with sheer black hose and high heels. “You look so great and sexy. What went wrong?” “Peter was already having a sexual interlude.” Laura crushed the cup in her hand. “He was screwing his nurse on the couch.”

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Kim grabbed Laura’s hand. “I can’t believe it. Not Peter.” Laura’s eyes filled with tears. “I couldn’t believe it either. My Peter with another woman. My heart stopped beating and my mouth dropped open. I couldn’t move at first.” “It was probably a one-time thing and he won’t mess around again.” “He wants a divorce. He said he was sorry I found out like that. He’d been waiting for the right time to tell me.” Laura sobbed on Kim’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.” “I feel betrayed.” Laura raised her head and let out a gasp. “I’m so stupid. He probably took her with him on all those medical conferences.” “You don’t know that.” “I called her a whore, and she shoved me against the desk. My leg hit an open drawer.” Laura glanced at her leg. “That’s how I got this hole in my hose, but it’s nothing like the hole in my heart.” “Oh, Laura, I’m sorry he was unfaithful to you.” Laura picked up a silver-framed picture of Kim, Steve, Gaby and Jason from Kim’s desk. “In the midst of seeing my husband humping his mistress and me standing in my undies, I noticed our last family picture hanging above them. Can you believe it? How could he?” “I can’t see Peter leaving you. He’s probably going through a mid-life crisis. It happens all the time.” Laura’s eyes widened. “Not to you. I can’t see Steve having an affair.” Kim rubbed her lower lip. What if she walked in on Steve and witnessed what Laura had with Peter? No. Not Steve. “You two need to talk this out.” Laura set the picture back on the desk. “I wonder if Peter ever told Steve about his affair. Those two have always been close.” Kim shook her head. “Steve didn’t know. He would have said something to me.”

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“What did I do wrong, Kim?” Before she could answer, Laura said in a rush, “I never scheduled many book signings so I’d be home for Peter and our children.” “You did nothing wrong. Don’t start blaming yourself. Peter’s the guilty one.” “I wonder when he was going to tell me,” Laura said, buttoning her coat. She paused for a moment, then understanding lit her eyes. She pounded the desk with her fist. “He’s been using me and wasn’t going to tell me until his building is paid for. He won’t see any more of my book money.” With raised eyebrows, Kim said, “You gave him money for his new office building?” Laura nodded. “You better believe it. He had to have a new place for his practice and everything had to be the best.” “Is it close to being paid off?” “Nope. That’s the beauty of it, and his $100,000 a year won’t be enough. I hope Nurse Brenda was worth it.” *** A few hours later, Kim put dinner leftovers away while Janice chatted with Eric on the phone. Gaby closed the dishwasher and turned the knob to start it. “Mom, I did my job. Since I’ve been helping out in the kitchen, could we go shopping? We haven’t shopped together for a long time.” She must still be worried about a graduation dress. “Did you ever try on the white dress I brought home?” “It fits perfect. I love the dress for graduation, but I still need clothes for our trip to Europe.” A lot had been going on lately in their family, but she’d talked about them not going to Europe. No wonder Gaby hadn’t screamed at her. She

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probably hadn’t paid any attention to their conversation. “Honey, I thought you knew we canceled our trip.” She shook her head. “I heard you talking about it, but I didn’t think you could be serious. I know you don’t want to fly yet,” Gaby gave a pleading look, “but we’ve planned this trip for months. We have to go.” Kim put her hand on Gaby’s shoulder. “I don’t feel like hopping on a plane already, but that’s not the reason. I want to quit my job, remember? And your dad wants to start his own advertising business. We can’t spend the money this year.” “But it’s so unfair. I told all my friends we were going.” Jason walked into the kitchen. “Tell them we’re going to Portland for spring break. It’s way better than a dumb foreign trip.” Gaby ignored Jason and raised her eyebrows at her mother. “You’ve got to be kidding. No Europe and no beach for spring break?” “We decided to go to Portland because Uncle Ken invited us to visit them.” She didn’t mention Steve might want to move them there. What was the point of getting them all upset when hopefully he’d come to his senses. Jason lifted the coffeepot off the warmer and poured the hot drink into a Mickey Mouse mug. “Dad sent me to get him a refill.” Kim glanced at Jason, noticing he had Steve’s favorite mug with ‘Dad’ in big letters on the handle. She remembered how Gaby had purchased it at Disney World on a long ago Father’s Day. “I’ll take it to him, sweetie. Maybe we could go to Disney World this summer.” Kim added cream and heaped a big teaspoon of sugar into the coffee, “Disney World.” Gaby raised her voice. “I’m not a baby. I’m thirteen years old.” Kim looked at Gaby in her skin-tight, low-rise jeans. Her light blue top didn’t meet her jeans, leaving an exposed belly button. “No, you aren’t a baby. Maybe Universal Studios would be a better choice.” Jason let out a whoop of joy. “We can go on the Incredible Hunk roller coaster.”

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Gaby glared at Jason. “You’d be scared and pee your pants. I’m out of here. I have homework to do.” “I’m sorry, honey,” Kim said to Jason. “Gaby didn’t mean what she said. She’s mad because you didn’t back her up about going to the beach. You’d better get your homework done, too.” After Jason left, she picked up Steve’s coffee and sighed. Great, Gaby would probably complain all the way to Portland. While she walked to the study, she realized the beach sounded better to her than going to Portland, but she didn’t want to admit it to Gaby. However, she couldn’t renege when Steve had been so supportive about the tubal reversal, and she’d agreed to visit Portland and be open about moving there. Steve was busy sketching a new ad. She set down his coffee and said, “We need to talk.” “No kiss on entry. That means you aren’t trying to talk me into doing something I’ll hate.” She started to sit, but changed her mind. “I’d better shut the door.” He grinned. “Oh, this is looking good. It’s going to be an x-rated conversation. One the children can’t hear.” “Will you stop?” She glanced outside the doorway before shutting the door. He took a sip of his coffee. “What’s up, babe?” “After I got back from taking Tori to the doctor, I—” “How did it go?” “Fine and I’ll tell you about it later. After I got back to the office, Laura came to see me. She looked terrible.” Steve leaned forward in his chair. “Oh my God, is she okay?” “She walked in on Peter screwing his nurse.” Kim noticed Steve didn’t look shocked. “A few weeks ago I saw Peter with her at Gioco’s and it looked like a cozy lunch. He called me later to talk to—” Kim placed her hands on her hips. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

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“Actually, it was the Friday before the crash, and he told me he was going to break it off with her.” “Steve, you should have told me because it’s my fault Laura walked in on them.” “Why is it your fault?” “Laura complained how they never saw Peter any more and he was always at the office. And she told me how their sex life was nonexistent, so I told her how things were better for us and…” “So you two have sex talks when you’re together?” Steve pulled her onto his lap. “Do you tell her what a good lover I am?” She heaved a long, exasperated sigh. “Just cut the jokes. This is serious. I told her to surprise him and seduce him in the hospital. She decided to go to the office instead when she knew he’d be alone. It’s good Laura knows the truth, but it was awful.” “They’ll straighten it out.” “But he told Laura tonight he wants a divorce.” Steve frowned. “I don’t understand. I thought he meant what he said.” “Next time, tell me. Don’t keep stuff from me.” At ten-thirty, Kim punched her pillow while Steve slept next to her. What a shame it wasn’t Peter’s lousy face she punched instead of a pillow. Laura had called to tell her Peter planned on moving out over the following weekend. He wanted a divorce as soon as possible. Just as she had as a child, Laura depended on Kim to make everything all right and sobbed, asking her what to do. But what could Kim do to get Peter to stay in their marriage? And Gaby had popped in on them before going to bed and said, “I’m not going to Portland. I’ll go to the Cayman Islands with Aunt Laura and Uncle Peter.” “I don’t think they’re going now.” On her way out of their bedroom, Gaby had said, “I hate my life.”

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And there was Tori. Kim needed to have a long talk with Steve about adopting Tori’s baby. She’d thought the best thing would be to give Tori more time to decide what she wanted; plus she’d been unsure about committing since she hoped to get pregnant. What if she didn’t get pregnant? She might not after the reversal, and she wanted another baby. Here one was practically being dropped in her lap. And although she’d known Tori for such a short time, they’d grown close. Since Tori’s mother was dead, Kim knew she filled this void in her life right now. She needed to put everyone’s problems out of her mind, close her eyes and sleep. Steve had irritated her by not telling her about Peter, but she understood why he hadn’t. He’d believed Peter would stop seeing Brenda and Laura wouldn’t be hurt. She scooted next to Steve, dragging her pillow with her. In his sleep he automatically pulled her next to him. His touch warmed her heart. She was blessed to have her husband’s love and to have survived Flight 606. *** Why wouldn’t Jillian let go of her? She needed to get out of the flames. “Please, Jillian, I need to get off the plane.” Jillian, shaking her head, held on tighter to her arm. “Kim, you can’t just leave me here.” “I can’t stay.” “What kind of friend are you? Kim, if you leave this plane, you’re just thinking of yourself.” Kim grabbed Jillian’s arm and swung it off. “I have a family who needs me.” “I want to have a family with Paul.” Jillian cried, “Why don’t you care about me?” Somehow, Kim managed to wake up. “I’m sorry, Jillian,” she whispered. She wished with her whole heart that Jillian hadn’t died. Her mother had called her again and cried for a long time.

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Kim felt guilty about what had happened to Jillian and all those people. Why had she survived when others had died? She didn’t deserve to live more than the others. Her chest felt heavy. Leaning over in bed, she pulled a tissue out of the box and blew her nose. The time was 12:05 a.m. No, it had to be later. So many hours before she had to go to work. But she didn’t want to go back to sleep. She’d only dream again about dead people. Maybe if she got up and read for a few minutes, she could relax. She should use her nebulizer while reading. A year ago, after Steve took her to the hospital for a serious asthma attack, he’d bought the machine for her to use at home. She’d meant to use it earlier when she felt like an attack was coming on, but Laura had called. Before she got out of bed, she glanced at Steve. At least this time her nightmare hadn’t roused him. Many times since the crash, her whimpering and talking in her sleep had woken him. Her chest tightened and full blown coughing started after a few shaky steps. Her legs trembled while she gasped for air. There was no way she would make it downstairs to use her nebulizer. Her inhaler would have to do. She just hoped her inhaler was in the bathroom because if it wasn’t, she might not have the energy to search for it. Breathe, she told herself, but she couldn’t. The whole world was closing in around her throat and chest. She opened her mouth to call for Steve, but she fell to the floor without uttering a word.

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Chapter Twenty-four Tori closed her calculus book. Good, that’s finished, but it’s so late. She glanced at the clock. It was a little after midnight. She’d spent two whole hours on math. Ugh, she liked solving problems, but not after a late basketball practice. As she tossed her book on the floor, her ringing cell phone surprised her. Only two people called her this late. Was it Ryan or Courtney? She grabbed her cell off her white nightstand and saw it was Ryan. “Hey, what’s up?” “I can’t sleep because I have these cool pictures of us.” It took Tori a moment to remember Brad had taken close-ups of them dancing and kissing. “You mean the pictures of us at the Sweetheart Dance?” “Yeah and they’re great. Wait until you see the one where I have my hand on your butt.” Tori laughed. “Brad took a picture when you were squeezing my butt on the dance floor?” “I don’t want your dad to see it and probably not the other ones.” “I want to see them. Bring them to school tomorrow.” “Have you thought any more about getting married in April?” “Ryan, do you remember how I told you once I never wanted to get married until my middle twenties?” “Yeah, but that was before you were pregnant.” “That’s one reason I’m having trouble with all this. I planned on playing soccer in college, getting a degree and working for a couple years before marriage. I’m still not used to being pregnant.”

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“I promise, Tori, you can still get your degree. Mom said she knows we can do it. I know you want to go to North Carolina, but UC has an excellent pharmacy program. And the women’s soccer team is good.” Ryan had signed a letter of intent to play football for University of Cincinnati. “I’ve always wanted to play soccer for UNC, they’re the best. And Daddy was so happy when I had my signing.” Tori sighed. “But I’ll think about it and I’ll look at Cincinnati’s website to see what it says about their pharmacy college.” Now why did she say that? She’d get Ryan’s hopes up and she couldn’t imagine playing for the women’s soccer team at UC. It just wouldn’t be the same playing for the Bearcats after years of wanting to play for the Tar Heels. And another reason she signed with UNC was because of their great pharmacy program. After working last summer as a pharmacy tech with her aunt, she’d decided to be a pharmacist or a pharmaceutical scientist. “And UC starts the end of September so that’d give you more time to recover from having a baby.” “Is your mom still going with us when I have an ultrasound next week?” “I think so. It’s still okay, isn’t it?” “Sure. I’m going to ask Dad if he wants to go, too.” Tori put her head against her pillow. “I’d better go to bed. I’m exhausted from basketball practice and I seem to get tired a lot.” “Okay. I love you. I wish I could kiss you good night and hold you in my arms.” “Just take one of the pictures to bed with you. Brad took lots of shots of us kissing.” “I need more than a photo. Woman, I want you in my bed.” “I don’t think your parents would approve. Good night, Ryan.” Before he disconnected, she said, “Wait.” “Yes,” he said eagerly. “Pleasant dreams. That’s it.”

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“Thanks,” he mumbled, “but I was hoping for more than that.” She laughed. “Hey, this late at night, be happy with hearing my charming voice.” After they disconnected, she thought, I forgot to tell Ryan I love him. Should she call him back? When she smelled pizza, she knew Daddy wouldn’t be fixing it. Janice must still be at their house. He’d offered to do Janice’s taxes, and she’d brought over a folder of papers. Although she was tired, pizza sounded delicious. Oh yeah Ryan… Well she’d tell him tomorrow how much she loved him. Tori walked into the kitchen and was happy to see her dad laughing. “Hi, honey girl. Sorry, did I wake you?” She shook her head. “I just got my homework done when I smelled pizza.” Janice gave Tori a big smile. “I’m glad. You can eat with us.” “Thanks. One piece. Then I need to go to bed.” Tori looked at her dad. “What’s so funny?” Her dad smiled. “Janice was telling me how her grandson squirted his father smack in the face when he was giving him a bath.” Janice giggled. “Dillon knows how to initiate his daddy into parenthood.” “That’s a good one, initiate,” her dad said. Tori didn’t see what was so amusing about what’s-his-name peeing in his daddy’s face. She thought it was gross. Maybe you had to be a parent to see the humor in it. Was her baby a boy? Would her little one get a chance to pee in her dad’s face? He seemed to like talking about babies to Janice. Janice cut Tori a piece of pizza and put it on a plate. She gave Tori a concerned, motherly look before she handed it to her. “Have you been feeling okay?” She knew Janice knew about her pregnancy, and probably Daddy had told her how much he wanted Kim and Steve to adopt the baby. She hoped Janice wouldn’t go and tell Kim how she stayed up late on a school night. That was stupid; it wasn’t like she was out partying and

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came home late drunk or something. Nah, Janice knew she had homework to do. Tori shrugged, feeling a little strange talking to Janice about how she felt. “Pretty good. I’ve only had a couple of sick days.” “You’re lucky.” Janice smiled. “My daughter, Patti, was sick a lot with her pregnancy.” “Daddy, would you like to go with us when they do the ultrasound?” *** What woke him? Steve reached for Kim, but she wasn’t in bed. He pushed himself up with his elbow. No light shone from the bathroom. He bet a nightmare had woken her and she probably remembered him fixing her a cup of warm milk the other night. She’d slept well after drinking it. Maybe he should get up and offer to do it again. He yawned. What was the point? She was most likely in the kitchen and done heating it in the microwave so he might as well get some sleep. He had a big presentation in the morning. He rolled over on his side, feeling a little guilty he was too tired to comfort his wife. Steve tossed several times before he glanced again at the clock. It was twelve-thirty a.m. He hadn’t been able to go back to sleep. He decided to get up and check on Kim. As he crossed the dark room, he stumbled over something. He flipped on the light and saw he’d tripped over Kim. Oh God, no. His heart ached at the thought she could be dead. He gently rolled Kim to her back and saw her bluish lips. He pressed his fingers on her wrist. Relief went through him as he felt a pulse. He ran to the phone on the nightstand and dialed 911. After he reported Kim’s condition, the dispatcher said, “An emergency squad will be there soon. Turn on a light so they can see the house easier.” He’d just gotten off the phone when Gaby walked in. Her brown eyes widened in alarm when she saw her mother on the floor. “What happened?”

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“She must have had an asthma attack. An ambulance is on the way.” Steve bent over Kim and started lifting her, but before he could stand completely, he lurched forward. “Dad, what are you doing?” Gaby steadied him with Kim still in his arms. Once he was upright, he said, “I’m going to carry her downstairs to save time before the paramedics get here.” “I don’t know. Maybe you should wait until they get here to carry her down the stairs with a stretcher.” “I can carry her. I’m not that old and weak yet.” Gaby let out a deep breath when her dad made it down the stairs without falling. She helped him ease Kim onto the leather sofa. “I’m going with you to the hospital.” Steve shook his head. “No, you stay with Jason.” “You don’t understand. I need to go. It might be my fault she had a bad asthma attack. I gave her a bad time about canceling our trip to Europe.” “I’m sure that’s not why it happened.” “I’ll hurry and get Jason. We’ll both go with you.” Before he could argue, Gaby was already up the stairs. When she came back down with Jason, Steve would tell her he was the one at fault here. He tenderly brushed Kim’s bangs off her forehead and murmured, “Kim, hold on. We all need you.” Why hadn’t he checked on her sooner? He would never forgive himself if she died. Never.

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Chapter Twenty-five She gazed at Ryan and whispered, “I love you.” “You need to get rid of his picture.” “Ouch,” Maddie said as she bumped her nose on the edge of her locker door. She turned away from Ryan’s picture, which was taped inside her locker. “You don’t need to sneak up on me.” Haley held a book against her chest. “I’d say I’m sorry I interrupted your private one-sided conversation, but I’m not. You’ve got to get over Ryan. He’s engaged to Tori.” Maddie shrugged. “They aren’t married yet.” “It sounds like they will be soon. Ryan wants to get married during spring break.” Maddie shook her head. “Tori’s not going to give up her scholarship and get married. And I know if she was out of the picture, he’d love me again.” “He adores Tori,” Haley said, tucking a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “I hate to say this to you because you’re my best friend, but you need to hear it. He never loved you. He only dated you a few times. He stopped seeing you before he even met Tori.” “You’re wrong.” Maddie slammed her locker door. “He had a lot going on right then in his life. He couldn’t focus on our relationship. And he did write me a poem.” “It wasn’t a love poem. He knew you liked poetry so he showed you his.” “He might have written a poem just for me but never had a chance to give it to me.” www.samhainpublishing.com

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Haley sighed. “You’re ruining your life with this obsession. You’ve been suspended from basketball—” “Just the games. I’m still practicing with the team.” Haley’s eyes narrowed. “Ryan told Brad you were in his truck and you had a key made.” Please don’t mention the panties here in the hallway. When Ryan told her he’d press charges if she ever did anything again, she realized smearing the panties with lotion had been a dumb thing to do. “I can tell by your face whatever you did in his truck wasn’t good.” Haley took Maddie’s hand in hers and squeezed it. “You don’t need Ryan to make you happy. You can easily get a boyfriend. I know Jake thinks you’re hot and wants to ask you out. Maybe we could all go to the prom together. Just think about it, okay?” At the sound of the bell, Maddie gave a quick nod. “We’d better get to class.” *** Maddie kicked her bedroom door shut. She plopped down on her bed and opened her recently purchased purse from Target. Her mother had paid for it using her Target’s employee’s discount. Although Maddie was happy with her new white-and-pink striped purse, she was even more excited about what was inside it. She pulled a little piece of paper out of the inside zippered pouch. She stared at her mother’s handwriting and couldn’t believe she had her father’s new phone number. They hadn’t known where he was for several months. Her mom finally tracked him to his new apartment in Illinois. Her mom’s words ran through her mind. “Call your father tonight and ask where the hell the child support checks are. Tell him I’ll get the authorities after him again if we don’t receive them in the next few days.” Maddie added his number to her cell phone list before she called him. While the phone rang, she thought how maybe he could see her play since he lived in Illinois again. Coach told her she could play in the 162

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tournament now the league games were over. She loved basketball. Thank goodness her suspension had ended. She smiled, remembering how her dad had been a basketball star in high school, and that was when her mother had fallen in love with him. After the fourth ring, he answered. “Hi, Daddy. It’s Maddie. How are you?” “Okay. How about you?” “Fine, now that I get to talk to you.” She paused, hoping he’d say he was happy to talk to her, too. “Daddy, I start on the varsity basketball team and there’s a tournament game this Saturday. I’d like you to come see me play.” “I can’t. I’m busy Saturday. And I’m at least two hours from Chicago.” “Since this is only Tuesday, maybe you could change your plans for Saturday? It’d mean a lot to me if you could come to my game.” “I can’t.” Why couldn’t he care enough to make it to her game? Maybe if she mentioned her mom was going, he’d change his mind. He hadn’t remarried and she knew he still loved her mom. “Mom’s going and I know she wants to see you again.” He laughed. “Sure, Joan wants to see me. Nice try, kid but there’s no love lost between us.” “Our game’s at six o’clock in case your plans change.” She hated to ask him about the child support checks, but she didn’t want her mom yelling at her. “Mom wanted me to tell you to try to send the overdue support checks soon.” “How old are you, anyhow?” How could he forget his only child’s age? “I’m going to be seventeen in two weeks.” “Only seventeen. Shit, I was hoping you’d say eighteen.” She knew why he said that, but hoped she was wrong. “Why, Dad?”

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“If you were eighteen, I wouldn’t have to pay any more damn child support. I’m not a rich man and these support checks are killing me.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, but I’m having a bad time right now.” Maddie didn’t want to talk to him any longer. He always had an excuse about not seeing her and not having any money. All he cared about was himself. Why had she thought he might change and want to see her? “I’ll tell Mom. Bye.” She disconnected before he could ask her for money. Her eyes filled with tears. She grabbed a pillow and clutched it, rocking back and forth on the edge of her bed. It wasn’t fair she had such a loser for a dad. Other kids had dads who cared about them. Look at Tori’s dad. He was in a wheelchair, but he managed to go to her games. Every time they’d played Tori’s team, her dad was right there for his daughter. A gentle knock on her bedroom door broke into her thoughts. Her gaze darted to the door and she asked, “Who is it?” “Nicky.” She tossed her pillow and grabbed a tissue. Thank God it was her brother and not her mom. She couldn’t deal right now with telling her not to expect any support check soon. “Come in.” Nicky opened the door and sat beside her. He wore a pair of jeans with a blue T-shirt. He was such a sweet little kid. She gave him a hug. “Why were you crying?” No fooling her smart brother. “I just talked to my dad and he made me sad because he can’t go to my basketball game on Saturday.” “I get to go to your game since it’s not a school night.” At age six, Nicky had to be in bed during the week, before her night games were over. “Cool. I’ll score some points just for you.” “If you score a lot, we’re all going to McDonald’s after the game for McFlurries.”

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“Hey, that’s your favorite. I like Wendy’s Frosties the best.” She ruffled Nicky’s brown hair and grinned. “I’ll do my best.” Nicky frowned. “Why don’t you like my daddy?” It wasn’t that she didn’t care for him, but they didn’t have anything in common. George, her stepfather, said little to her, and she could never think of much to say to him. But George had surprised her when he offered to pay for her prom dress. “I do. It’s just that I have my own dad and I want him to love me, but he doesn’t.” Nicky put his head on her shoulder. “I love you, Maddie.” “I love you, too.” “I’m supposed to get ready for bed.” “After you’re in your pajamas, I’ll read you a book.” She watched him leave her room and thought how she’d miss him when she left for college in another year. She might as well face it. Her dad was never going to love her. When she’d been with Ryan, she hadn’t thought about her dad. She needed Ryan back in her life. She was entitled to happiness again. Why should she wait until Ryan and Tori broke up? It was inevitable they wouldn’t get married. She might as well help the process along. Before she went to read to Nicky, she thought of how to make Ryan jealous so he’d get angry at Tori. Nothing dumb like putting panties in his glove compartment. Tori never got jealous, but this new plan had better work. It was a big risk, but she’d be very careful. After all, she didn’t want to kill Tori. She just wanted her boyfriend back.

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Chapter Twenty-six He was scared shitless, but he’d never tell Gaby and Jason that. He was afraid Kim might die. She hadn’t opened her eyes yet. Although Steve listened to the respirator for hours, his energetic, loving Kim hadn’t regained consciousness. He kissed her cheek gently, hoping she felt his love. Last year when he’d taken her to the emergency room, the doctor gave her a shot of adrenaline and it’d opened up her breathing passages. Although they’d given her the same shot this time, Kim’s condition was too severe for it to work. She was hooked up to a respirator. Why did it have to come down to this? His mother had died while on a respirator. Kim’s doctor said she was alive now only because Steve had called 911 when he did. But he should have gotten up the first time he realized she wasn’t in bed. If he had, the adrenaline might have worked. Man, he’d thought only of himself and how he needed his stupid sleep for his ad presentation. Kim’s ICU nurse entered the room and stopped next to Steve. “Why don’t you get something to eat?” Steve leaned back in his chair, feeling his stiff shoulder muscles. He’d been hunched over by Kim’s side for hours. Gaby was in the lobby watching for Tori, so he might as well go get lunch. Only two visitors were allowed at a time. “Yeah, I think I will.” He bent over and murmured in Kim’s ear, “I love you, honey.” He kissed her lips, careful not to bump any of the tubes going to the medical

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equipment. He hated seeing her lovely hands strapped down so she couldn’t pull out the respirator tube. He supposed it was for the best. Once out of the room, he looked back at his wife, hoping she’d open her eyes and say something sassy like, “Where do you think you’re going?” But all he saw was her still face. *** From inside the lounge, Gaby watched the hospital’s entrance for Tori. It shouldn’t be hard to see Tori since she was five-ten. At five-six, Gaby hoped she’d keep growing and end up being Tori’s height. She had to admit she’d been jealous when her mom and Tori shopped together for a dress for the Sweetheart Dance. It wasn’t fair when she hadn’t been able to go shopping with her own mother for a long time. Gaby loved shopping and wanted to be a clothes buyer like her mother when she was a grown-up. But heck, Tori’s mother was dead. Gaby decided Tori needed her mom right now, and she realized it wasn’t easy for Eric to get around to go shopping with his daughter. Even if he could walk, he probably was like her dad and hated to shop. Tori had told her Eric had the worst taste in clothes. Then her mom took off work to take Tori for a prenatal visit. But she was proud of her mother taking Tori to her doctor. She couldn’t imagine being in Tori’s position, a pregnant teenager without a mother to comfort her. Yesterday Tori had asked Gaby how she would feel if her mother and dad adopted the baby. It’d made her feel special that Tori had cared about her feelings. She had this weird feeling that since her mom had saved Tori’s life, maybe now it was Tori’s turn to save her mom’s life. She hoped so with her whole heart. She couldn’t stand seeing her mom needing a respirator to do her breathing. Poor Jason had cried when they allowed him a few minutes to see his mother. It broke her

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heart when he sobbed by the hospital bed, and Gaby had wrapped her arms around him. Her little brother was such a mommy’s boy. Gaby felt bad now she’d never told her mother how he cried in his pillow when she’d gone on her shopping trips. She should have been a better sister to Jason. Why did I give Mom a bad time about not going to the beach over spring break? And she’d complained about the canceled plans for Europe. She remembered seeing the pain and unhappiness in her mother’s eyes. Was it her fault her mother had a severe attack? As these thoughts ran through Gaby’s mind, Tori entered the hospital. Gaby hugged Tori and said, “I’m so glad you’re here.” “Me, too. Let’s go see your mom.” “Oh yeah, only family’s allowed in ICU. You have to say you’re family.” “I don’t need to see her, then.” Gaby pulled on her arm. “Sure you do. You can be a sister. Janice is going to say she’s an aunt.”

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Chapter Twenty-seven

Tori stared at Kim. Seeing her vibrant, strong friend on a respirator was hard to absorb. Although she’d only known Kim for three weeks, it seemed longer. They’d faced death together. And if it hadn’t been for Kim, she might have died on the plane. Gaby held her mother’s hand. Should she hold Kim’s other hand? She wanted to let Kim know how much she wanted her to get well. Yes, she should carefully put her hand over Kim’s fingers. Tori let out a small gasp when she first touched Kim’s hand. It was so cold. With tears glistening in her eyes, Gaby looked at Tori and said, “I know. Her hands are cold.” “I didn’t expect it.” Here Kim was in a warm hospital room, but her hands were so icy. “We’ll just have to warm her hands up.” Gaby frowned. “I keep thinking it’s my fault she had an asthma attack. We had plans to go to Europe this summer. Last night I asked her when we could go shopping for clothes for our trip and when she told me we weren’t going, I got mad at her.” Tori shook her head. “If stress caused it, then I’m to blame. She left work to take me to my doctor’s appointment and probably did too much at the store when she went back.” “That’s not it. She’s happy to help you.” Tori nibbled on her lower lip, wondering why Kim never mentioned her asthma being a serious problem. If anxiety caused asthma attacks, Kim should have had one on the airplane before or during the crash. She vaguely remembered her using an inhaler once. Maybe her asthma had

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been worse on the plane than she realized. Could she have been so preoccupied she hadn’t noticed how often Kim used her inhaler? She’d been so frightened she’d never see her dad and Ryan again. Maybe she’d missed Kim having breathing problems. “Has she had to go to the hospital before for an asthma attack?” Gaby nodded. “Last year Daddy drove her to the emergency room, but it wasn’t this bad. I think that time smoke triggered it. Allison, her assistant, used to smoke, but she’s quit now.” “Do you remember my friend, Courtney, on the basketball team?” “The short guard with black hair?” “Yes, that’s Courtney. She has asthma and about twenty minutes before a game, she uses her inhaler and uses it again during half-time. And she can play the whole game then. I only remember seeing your mom use an inhaler once the whole time we were on the plane. Does your mom use an inhaler a lot?” “Sometimes.” “I’m surprised she didn’t need it more on the plane.” “She probably relied on her breathing exercises to stay calm.” “I’m afraid I don’t know much about how you treat asthma.” But she did know people died from it. She remembered a frightening incident a few years ago when a girl on the opposing soccer team died from an attack. “Besides her inhaler, Daddy got her this machine and it has a mask to get air into the lungs quickly. She doesn’t have to use it very much, but if she feels an attack coming on when she’s home, she does.” Gaby gave Tori a sad look. “She probably didn’t take time to use it. She’s always taking care of us.” And that’s why she wanted Kim to adopt their baby. Kim took such good care of everyone she loved. But now seeing a respirator doing the breathing for Kim, she had to seriously consider what Ryan had said.

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When Gaby had called her at school, she’d told Ryan how Kim was in the hospital. He’d said they had to make sure Kim would be able to handle the stress of taking care of a newborn. What if Kim wasn’t physically up to the challenge of raising another child? “Mommy, I love you.” Gaby sobbed and kissed her mother’s forehead. “Get better.” Tori decided to do what Gaby did and talk to Kim even though she was in a coma. She gave a little squeeze as she held Kim’s hand. “It’s Tori. Remember that game I told you about? I’m scoring all my baskets for you tonight.” “She loved going to your basketball game. But she didn’t like seeing you get hurt.” “You get better and I have a surprise for you.” Tori tried to manage a little laugh. “I’ve been holding out on you. I love to cook. I’ll have all of you over for dinner sometime. So you better get well soon…” Tori’s voice trailed off when she saw Kim’s sister enter the room. Laura looked like she was ready to burst into tears as she stared at Kim. “Were you able to get hold of Grandma and Grandpa?” Gaby asked. Laura shook her head. “They were going out on a fishing boat today and they must have left early.” Gaby sighed. “Grandma will hate that she didn’t know right away.” Laura shrugged. “They should have kept the cell phone I bought them. I told them they should keep it for emergencies.” “Daddy said Uncle Jim and Uncle John are coming tonight.” Tori knew only two visitors were allowed at a time and thought she should leave so Gaby and Laura could spend time with Kim. “I’d better go.” Laura put her hand on Tori’s arm. “It’s okay. I don’t think the nurse will kick us out.”

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Tori could tell they were sisters with their auburn hair and the same pretty facial features. “Thanks again for doing my nails for the dance.” Smiling, Laura said, “That was fun. I heard you had a big night and got engaged.” “Show Aunt Laura your ring,” Gaby said. Tori loved her silver and diamond ring and thought it was pretty cool how Ryan had picked it out himself. She was impressed he remembered her preference of silver over gold. But she felt funny showing her simple ring to a rich and famous novelist. She’d read how whenever Laura got an advance on one of her books, she bought a piece of expensive jewelry. She held her hand out for Laura to see the ring. Laura looked at it. “It’s beautiful. Ryan must love you a lot to get you such a gorgeous ring. I want to meet him sometime.” Tori put a lock of hair behind her ear, relieved Laura liked her ring. “Thank you. I’d like for you to meet Ryan.” “He’s hot.” Gaby sighed. “High school boys are cooler than eighth grade boys.” “You sound like my daughter, Brittany. You two girls are growing up too fast.” Laura glanced at her sister. “Kim and I were just talking about that recently.” Gaby took a deep breath. “Aunt Laura, Mom’s never had a severe attack like this. What do you think caused it?” With a guilty frown, Laura walked away to grab a tissue from a shelf and blew her nose. “I might as well tell you. Your Uncle Peter wants a divorce. I went to see your mother at the store yesterday and I was upset. I also called her last night, so I might be the reason she’s here now. When I told her Peter is having an affair and wants out of our marriage, Kim took it hard.” Gaby left her mother’s side and walked over to her aunt. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” She debated whether to say anything in this family conversation. But just looking at Laura’s distressed expression, Tori knew she needed to

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speak up. “Before you came, Gaby and I were both blaming ourselves. If stress alone caused this, then all of us might have contributed to Kim’s attack.” Tori mentioned how Kim had taken her to the doctor yesterday. Gaby told that she complained about their canceled European trip and spring break vacation. Sniffing, Gaby said, “Mom looked worn out when I said I hated my life.” Laura squeezed Gaby’s shoulder. “And we all kept her so busy with our problems, she didn’t take the time to take care of herself.” “I need to leave soon to catch the bus to the tournament game.” Tori kissed Kim’s cheek. “Bye, Kim. I’ll be back tomorrow.” Gaby hugged Tori and said, “Thanks for coming. Call me after the game.” “I will.” Tori glanced at her watch. She might still have time to visit on another floor if she left right now. She wished Kim could go with her, but she probably needed to go by herself. It might turn out to be the most important thing she ever did.

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Chapter Twenty-eight Steve had been surprised when Tori joined him in front of the hospital nursery. Probably good, she’s seeing what she’s going to be in for in a few months. “Aren’t they adorable?” Tori said to him as they both peered through the glass at the newborns. “Why do they have those little hats on their heads?” “Gaby and Jason had those, too. Since they lose body heat through their heads, they put them on right away after they clean them and weigh them.” He turned away from the glass. “They’ve been in a nice warm womb for nine months, so it’s a shock being born into this cold world.” “I never thought about it like that.” She grinned. “Maybe the babies should wear sunglasses at first since their new environment is suddenly bright.” “Now that’s a good one.” He watched one squirming baby in particular. “It’s funny how we both decided to come here.” He’d thought about going home to take a shower, but decided he’d wait until Jason got home from school. Since Laura and Gaby were with Kim, on a whim he’d decided to look at the babies. Watching the babies was relaxing and just what he needed for a few moments. Tori said, “I’ve never been around babies. I’ve done babysitting, but it’s always been for toddlers and older children. I’m going to see if I can volunteer here and if they don’t need me in a regular nursery, I’ll see if I can help with the preemies or sick babies. I could rock them, change their diapers and feed them.”

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“That’s smart of you to get experience before you have your baby.” Steve paused. “I imagine the hospital has to be careful, so if you need a reference, I’ll be happy to give you one.” Tori gave him an appreciative glance. “Thanks. I bet they do have a screening process. When I leave, I’ll stop at the desk and ask them if there’s a volunteer form I can take with me to fill out.” Steve put his hands in his jean pockets. From what Kim had said, he thought Tori had been leaning more toward the idea of them adopting her baby. If Tori were this interested in learning more about babies, he wondered if she’d changed her mind. “Does this mean you’re thinking of keeping your baby?” She nodded. “I can’t give my baby to strangers. I just can’t. And you and Kim are such great parents, but I know you’re thinking about having another baby of your own, so—” Steve interrupted, “Actually, while I was sitting next to Kim in the hospital room, I did a lot of thinking and want to talk to her about adopting your baby. I’m not so sure now it’ll be good for her to go through a pregnancy.” “After I told Ryan about Kim’s attack, he mentioned to me it might be too much for her to be our baby’s mother.” He ran his finger along the bottom of the nursery glass. “This was her first severe attack, and I think she’s had to deal with a lot lately.” “Did she have a hard time with her pregnancies?” “With Gaby, her health declined, but with Jason her asthma actually improved. And I’m hopeful she’ll never have another attack like last night’s.” “Even without the asthma complication, I’m not sure Kim wants to adopt my baby. She wants a reversal so she can have her own.” “I’ve been giving that some thought, too. Dr. Larsen said the success rate for reversing a tubal ligation is pretty high, but there’s no guarantee. And even if he’s successful, conception might take months. So we could adopt your baby and if Kim should get pregnant, we’ll be happy adding two children to our family.” www.samhainpublishing.com

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What was he saying? They could handle having two babies…hell, yes. He loved kids and he could somehow get the money to start his own ad agency. All he had to worry about now was getting Kim out of the hospital and back home. “Thanks. I’m glad you’re interested in my baby so I have options. And you know, my dad wants you and Kim to be the parents,” Tori said, putting a strand of hair behind her ear. Steve chuckled, pointing to one of the babies. “Look at the Brown baby. She reminds me of Kim, waving her arms in the air and indignant no one’s picked her up.” Tori grinned. “A girl with an attitude already.” She glanced at her watch and saw it was three-thirty. “I’d better go. I have a bus to catch for my game and I want to stop and ask about volunteering.” “I hope your team wins.” “Thanks. I’ll call Gaby after the game to see how Kim is.” Steve ran his fingers through his hair. “I hope when you call, Kim will be awake.” But she wasn’t. She was still unconscious. Steve was home when Tori called to check on Kim’s condition. He told her, “Kim’s still on the respirator. She hasn’t opened her eyes.” “I bet she’ll wake up soon.” “I hope so. I just came home to eat with Gaby and Jason, but I’m going back to the hospital in a little bit. How was the game?” “We won.” “Congratulations. That’s awesome. Well, Laura stayed with Kim while I came home. I want to get back to the hospital.” When Steve went back to Kim’s room, he kissed her on the forehead and talked to her for a few minutes. It was strange, having a one-sided conversation. But maybe his words would get through to her subconscious and her condition could improve faster. He missed her and hoped he’d soon see her brown eyes looking at him with love.

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He walked a few steps away and stood beside Laura as she sat on a chair. Laura looked hurt and had circles under her bloodshot eyes. He squeezed her shoulder. “I’m sorry Peter has acted the way he has. How are you holding up?” He’d always thought a lot of Laura and couldn’t believe how Peter had treated her. She released a big sigh. “I can’t get the image out of my mind of Peter and his nurse having sex as I walked in on them. It was such a shock.” He believed Peter did love Laura and had gotten carried away working closely with his nurse. Peter should have stopped the attraction before it destroyed his marriage. “I know he asked for a divorce, but I think he’ll change his mind.” She shook her head. “He insists he loves Brenda. I’m going to contact my lawyer and see about stopping payments on the mortgage for his new office. He’s going to have to pay for it himself.” “Good. He deserves it.” Steve didn’t condone adultery. Peter should’ve gotten out of his marriage to Laura if he didn’t love her any longer. Although he’d enjoyed his friendship with his brother-in-law, he couldn’t see having lunch or playing golf with him under these circumstances. Some mornings they saw each other while lifting weights at their brothers-in-law’s fitness club. Maybe he could talk some sense into the damn fool while working out. “If there’s anything I can do, I’m here for you.” She pulled a tissue out of her pants pocket and blew her nose. “Thanks. He had an affair another time.” Steve raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t know.” “I never told anyone, not even Kim, and it didn’t last very long. He told me how sorry he was that time. She was a young medical student and shadowed him at the hospital while he made rounds.” “I’m sorry.” “For a long time, I didn’t trust him. Then he had a heart attack and things were better for a while.” Was it a money issue? Did Peter have affairs because Laura made more money as a novelist than he did as a pediatrician? Some men www.samhainpublishing.com

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couldn’t deal with a woman having the higher income. He remembered a few times Peter had mentioned how Laura got to stay home and make a fortune typing on her laptop while he saw sick children and newborns. “Maybe if Peter goes to counseling, your marriage could be saved,” Steve said. Laura shook her head sadly. “I tried to get him to go a few times to a marriage counselor, but he refused.” She touched Steve’s arm. “I wish Peter could be more like you. I told Kim how you’d never cheat on her.” He nodded. “We’ve had some problems, but you’re right, neither of us has ever cheated on the other. But if the statistics are accurate, many married couples aren’t being faithful to each other.” “If he hadn’t asked for a divorce, I might have swallowed my pride and given him another chance because of the children, but…” Her voice trailed off and she looked at her sister for a moment. “Kim thinks he’s going through a mid-life crisis. And if I don’t want him out of my life, I shouldn’t give him a divorce. I just know right now I’m so terribly hurt.” Steve moved to a chair on the other side of Kim and sat. “You shouldn’t rush into a divorce. Peter might have thought you’d retaliate by asking for a divorce, and he wanted to save face and ask for one first.” Maybe he could talk Peter into saving his marriage for Laura’s sake and the children’s.

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Chapter Twenty-nine On Thursday morning, Dr. Sloan, a short man with white hair, looked over his glasses at Kim and said, “If I discharge you, will you promise to follow my instructions?” Kim smiled. Yeah, she was going home. “Definitely. Steve’s too jealous of us seeing each other like this.” “So that’s why he was here so much.” Dr. Sloan grinned. “He didn’t trust us.” Kim winked at Dr. Sloan. “Yes, and you’d better spring me now.” Steve entered the hospital room. “Hey, what’s going on here? You still after my woman?” Dr. Sloan patted Kim’s hand. “Excuse me. It wasn’t us Steve doesn’t trust, just me.” Kim smiled at both men, remembering how their joking started a year ago when she’d her first serious asthma attack. Dr. Sloan replaced his smile with a frown. “Although you make me feel young, I don’t want to see you under these conditions again. You gave all of us a scare.” Steve looked at Kim. “I thought I’d have a heart attack when I saw you unconscious on the floor.” “I’m sorry.” Kim tied her robe belt tighter. Laura had bought her a lovely pink robe. Laura was sweet to take the time to shop for her when Peter had just left her. “A few months ago I told you using my inhaler

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was a luxury, not a necessity. Actually, I said as much to Steve on the way to the airport and…” She stopped as she glanced at Steve. He nodded. “I got on her about using her inhaler enough on her flights. She told me how her asthma wasn’t a life or death situation.” Kim gnawed on her lower lip. “Before the crash, I was a control freak. I didn’t want to give in to my one weakness and allow asthma to control how I lived. But I realized on Monday I had to use my inhaler right away after being exposed to smoke, and I did.” Dr. Sloan gave Kim a kind look. “But that didn’t keep you from almost dying. I know you’re busy with family and work, but after this last experience, we need to figure out what’ll keep you from having another severe attack.” “She’s had a little more than the usual stuff to deal with lately,” Steve said. “Since the plane crash, she’s frequently had nightmares—” “Not frequently,” Kim said. Steve raised his eyebrows. “I suggested you go to counseling because you’ve had several nightmares.” She turned to Dr. Sloan. “Another survivor and I have developed a close friendship and we’ve talked about counseling, but first we want to try writing our feelings in journals.” “Whatever helps you to reduce the stress in your life should cut down on the number of asthma attacks.” Dr. Sloan frowned. “With this last incident, there were so many common factors in play. The extreme cold weather, your nightmare, secondhand smoke…” “I meant to use my nebulizer on Monday night, but got stopped by a family crisis.” Steve sat on a chair by Kim. “You mean when Laura called.” Kim said, “I didn’t have the heart to tell her I couldn’t talk right then.” She paused. “Both my attacks happened at night or in the early morning hours.”

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“Attacks at night are common. The asthmatic usually wakes up with an initial sense of anxiety and has the chest pressure and coughing,” Dr. Sloan said. “Exactly. I remember feeling those symptoms before I passed out.” “I think you’ll have more freedom if you use a peak flow meter. You’ll get better at associating small physical symptoms with asthma and you’ll be healthier.” Kim grabbed Steve’s hand. “Healthy enough to have a baby?” Dr. Sloan rubbed his chin. “Some patients do better with their asthma while pregnant and others don’t.” “She did fine when she was pregnant with Jason,” Steve said. “I didn’t do as well with our oldest, Gaby. But I think it might have had something to do with me being younger and her being my first baby.” Kim exhaled a big breath. “There’s another problem, though. I had my tubes tied and I want to have a tubal reversal soon.” Dr. Sloan said, “Great, you’re going for more stress here.” “I think I’ll be fine.” Kim shrugged. “When you think about it, I did survive a plane crash. I had an asthma attack on the plane, but got it under control using breathing techniques. Then I had to crawl through smoke to get off the plane before it exploded and I didn’t have a severe attack.” Steve squeezed Kim’s hand. “Hey, don’t get cocky on Dr. Sloan here. You aren’t Wonder Woman, you know.” “She does have a point, though.” Dr. Sloan stared at both of them. “When you talk to the physician about the procedure, tell him about your asthma and…” “We saw Dr. Larsen already,” Kim glanced at Steve, “but we didn’t think to mention my asthma. He delivered Gaby and Jason, but I doubt if he remembers I have asthma.” Dr. Sloan pulled a pen out of his pocket and wrote on a paper in Kim’s file. “I’ll give him a call and talk to him about the surgery.” He

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grinned at Kim. “I know how you like to hurry to do something once you’ve made a decision, but don’t be in a rush to have the procedure.” “We scheduled it for March before this happened.” “It might still be fine. Don’t cancel and I’ll talk to Dr. Larsen today. And I want to see you in a week. Call my office to schedule an appointment.” The traffic was light at ten o’clock in the morning after they left the hospital. Steve was driving on Huron Street in the heart of Chicago when he asked Kim, “You sure you want to go to work?” Kim nodded. “I need to work on the modeling show we’re doing at Children’s Hospital, and besides, I’m feeling fine.” When he stopped for a red light, Steve turned to look at Kim. “I’ve missed you.” She rested her hand on his leg. “I probably stayed unconscious longer because of my wonderful dreams.” Steve grinned. “I hope they weren’t about Dr. Sloan.” She shook her head and smiled. “I dreamt about us dating.” He moaned as the light turned green. “No sex talk while I’m driving.” “We didn’t have sex while we were dating.” “Don’t remind me. I took a lot of cold showers and had to fantasize about making love to you.” He glanced at her. “Although, one time we got pretty hot and heavy. Remember the strawberry shortcake fiasco?” She laughed, remembering how she’d baked a yellow cake at his condo. After the cake cooled, she put whipped cream and strawberries between the two layers and on top of the cake. When she carried it to show him, she slipped and fell. Some of the dessert dribbled down her Vneck top onto her breasts. “You insisted the cake couldn’t go to waste and you slipped off my top and licked my breasts.” “That was the best cake you ever made.” “I think the body heat improved the taste.”

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“We were so hot for each other.” He made a right turn and said, “I think that’s the night I fell in love with you. Your tongue did amazing things to me.” She squeezed his leg. “Here I thought it was my mind.” He pulled up by the main entrance of Altman’s, leering at her. “Wanna make cake with whipped cream tonight?”

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Chapter Thirty Steve had done an awesome job picking out clothes for her to wear, Kim thought as she went through the store’s revolving door. Actually, she’d been surprised at what he’d brought to her hospital room. He’d given her a black cardigan with a tan blouse. The colors were carried out in the dress pants with a small tan and black plaid. Her jewelry consisted of elegant gold earrings and a necklace. Her black high heels gave her some added height, making her feel feminine yet strong. She grinned. There was no way Steve had picked out her work clothes. He’d been smart enough to ask for some help. And she was sure it wasn’t Janice but Gaby who’d pick out what she’d wear to work. Plus another clue was that the dress pants had been a birthday gift from Gaby just this last November. As she walked through the store, she glanced around at all the special displays for the weekend sales. Several employees smiled and waved to her. It was good to be back. Leaving her job might be harder than she thought. Since the crash, she’d said over and over again how much she wanted to quit her job and stay home with a newborn. Either her own, or Tori’s, baby. Although she’d been gone for two weeks after the crash, she hadn’t felt happy about returning to work. Why did she feel so differently this morning? Maybe because she’d been unconscious and on a respirator this last time. And her dreams hadn’t been just about dating Steve. In some of them, she was back doing an internship and learning everything she needed to know to be a successful clothes buyer.

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At the Estee Lauder counter, Kim saw Colleen, one of her favorite sales associates. Colleen’s daughter was the same age as Gaby and they’d talked frequently about raising teenage daughters. Kim stopped by the bottles of perfumes, smiling at petite Colleen. “Hi, how’s motherhood?” Colleen’s straight, strawberry blonde hair swung forward as she reached over the counter to grab Kim’s hands. “I’m so relieved to see you. You always said your asthma wasn’t any big deal. But this is the second time you’ve gone to the hospital for it.” Kim nodded. “I’m going to stay on top of it from now on.” “You better. Not only did I miss you, but things got crazy around here.” “What happened?” “You always know how to handle Mrs. Harrison, but Allison was rude to her.” Oh no. Kim rubbed her lower lip. She liked Judith Harrison, plus she was a regular customer. And Allison was aware of the older woman’s donation for the modeling show. Allison should know better than to offend Mrs. Harrison. “I’ll give her a call and apologize.” Kim picked up a tube of lipstick. “I like this shade of pink.” Colleen nodded. “It goes on moist and feels good. And it has SPF 15 protection. Here,” she said, bending down and lifting a plastic tray of sample lipsticks. She set them on the counter and gave her a pink one. She put a small mirror in front of Kim. “I’ll give you a sample to try.” Kim looked in the mirror and carefully applied the lipstick. “I came straight from the hospital, and Steve only threw a bottle of foundation in my bag.” “He did good remembering that much. My husband wouldn’t have.” Kim noticed Colleen opened her mouth then shut it without saying anything. “Did you want to tell me something else?”

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“I’d better warn you. It wasn’t just Mrs. Harrison. Allison blew up at several department buyers about their orders.” Colleen straightened a few bottles of makeup. “When you were gone before, you called Allison daily to give her directions and she did okay. But she hasn’t done as well with the extra responsibility the last couple days.” Colleen’s warning disappointed her. She’d expected more professionalism from Allison. “Thanks, Colleen. I’d better get to my office. I’ll call you later and maybe we can have lunch together.” “I’m so glad to see you,” Allison said, looking relieved as she put some papers on Kim’s desk. Kim patted Allison on the back. “Thank you for all the extra work you’ve been doing. I’m sorry I had to go to the hospital, but I’m back now and I’m going to make sure I don’t have another asthma attack.” “It’s not your fault. I was so worried about you.” Kim sat in her chair and pulled her peak flow meter out of her handbag. “My doctor gave me this to monitor my breathing and the nurse showed me how to use it before I left the hospital. I’m going to make this part of my daily routine and I’ll be able to see if my medicine for my asthma is working or not.” “I’m glad and I hope it helps. I know you were only gone for two days, but please don’t have any more attacks.” Allison shrugged. “I didn’t mind the extra work, but everyone got on my nerves. I don’t ever want your job.” “But you did fine when I was gone after the crash.” “I loved the shopping part in New York, but dealing with people here in the store is something else.” Allison shook her head. “Mrs. Harrison’s a bitch. How do you put up with her?” “I always remember she’s one of our best customers and I’ve learned how to handle her. One thing that helps is to give her sincere compliments. I think she’s a very lonely woman.” “Since you were on the respirator, I couldn’t ask you about Mrs. Harrison, and it was awful.” 186

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She decided to wait to talk to Allison about the way she’d treated the buyers. She stood and hugged Allison. “You’ve learned so much and you’re only twenty-three years old. I’m proud of you.” “I have a great boss.” She’d assumed Allison would be more like she was at that age. At twenty-three, Kim had been a full-fledged buyer. But she realized that was unfair. She should have taken into account how their backgrounds were different. With her mother being ill, she’d taken on so much responsibility at a young age, managing the household and being in charge of her siblings. While Allison wasn’t spoiled, her childhood had been more carefree. She might have to consider suggesting someone else to take her position if and when she resigned. But for now, she appreciated Allison filling in for her during two times of crises. “You can leave early today and take tomorrow off since you did my job.” Allison smiled. “Thank you. My boyfriend’s coming to Chicago.” “We should get busy on the modeling show.” Kim opened a drawer and took out the file with the names of the guidance counselors at various high schools in the Chicago area. She’d contacted the counselors in January about using teenagers from each school to model in the store’s show at Children’s Hospital. The girls modeling the prom dresses could purchase the dresses at fifty percent off and keep the shoes and accessories. The boys would have free tux rentals for prom night. And several restaurants donated gift cards so the participants and their dates could have free dinners. All in all, the teenage models definitely were going to rake in some nice benefits for their time. She glanced up from her paper. “I wish I’d have had this opportunity to model.” Allison nodded. “This is awesome. My mother and I kept getting in disagreements because she wanted me to wear my older sisters’ prom dresses. And I did, but my senior year, I wanted a new dress.” Kim remembered how her junior year she’d designed and made her own dress. Her senior year she’d saved enough money from her part-time www.samhainpublishing.com

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job at Penney’s to buy one. Maybe when Gaby was invited to the prom, she could have another fundraiser. It’d be good for Gaby to model and not just give her an expensive designer dress. Oh, that might not be possible. If she did quit her job, she wouldn’t be in the position to schedule a modeling show. Kim handed a paper to Allison. “Here are the phone numbers of the guidance counselors. You can start calling them about setting up the times for the girls to come in and pick out their dresses. While you do that, I’ll—” “What about the boys?” Allison asked. “They need to come in to get measured for their tuxes.” Kim doodled on her paper. “I’m glad you mentioned that. We only have four boys. Tori said Ryan doesn’t want to model and I’d like five.” She planned on ten girls, but didn’t care if there was a guy for each girl on the runway. Fifteen young people modeling would be the right number. Allison had her hand on the receiver, but didn’t lift it to her ear. She gave Kim an apologetic look. “I forgot to tell you your mother called here.” She pulled her cell phone out of her purse to call her parents. When Kim’s condition had improved, they’d stayed in Florida. Her mother. She needed a few minutes before calling because a disturbing thought had just popped into her mind. She stood, setting her cell on the desk. She needed a cup of coffee to clear her head. She walked to the small table and grabbed a coffee mug. “Do you want a cup?” she asked Allison. Allison nodded. “I’m waiting for the counselor to find her list.” After putting a steaming cup of coffee in front of Allison, Kim sat back down and carefully took a small sip, not wanting to burn her tongue. She stared into her coffee, trying to absorb her latest mother-daughter thought. If she became a stay-at-home mom, would she become like Kate? Her childhood memories of her mom were not pleasant. Her mother’s unhappiness had resulted in many fights with her dad. Although her dad had made a decent salary as a postal worker, he never 188

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wanted to purchase anything Kate wanted. Kim had never thought that was fair to her mother. Had her working so intensely as a fashion buyer for years been rooted in her mother’s unhappiness about money? Or was it because she’d been afraid if she didn’t have a professional career, she’d turn into her mother and become depressed? Kate’s poor health could be contributed to depression. Kim couldn’t see her fighting with Steve the same way her mom had fought with her dad. Allison interrupted her thoughts with, “We picked up a boy.” Kim murmured, “That’s great.” “But he has a special request.” What could he want? Top billing. Kim smiled at Allison. “What’s he demanding? An extra rental night for the tux?” Allison shook her head. “He told the guidance counselor he wants to walk down the runway with Tori Moorhead.” “I wonder if he knows she’s engaged to Ryan.” “I guess. He said they’re in some class together and he’d be more at ease with her. He’s very shy.” Allison sipped her coffee. “The guidance counselor also said he’s a very good-looking boy and polite.” “What’s his name?” “Josh Smith.” “I’ll say something to Tori. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Kim shrugged. “I mean what could it hurt?”

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Chapter Thirty-one “Is it all set for you to model with Tori?” Maddie asked her cousin, Josh, as they stood in Wendy’s parking lot on Friday. She’d gone straight to work after basketball practice and still had several minutes before her shift started. “Yeah, but you’re not paying me enough money to do it.” Maddie put her hands on her hips. “What do you mean it’s not enough money? I’m paying you a hundred dollars to do one simple thing.” “Hey, I know how Ryan feels about Tori.” Josh glared at her. “What do you think he’s going to do to me when I mess with his girl?” She couldn’t have Josh quit on her. Her plan had to work so she’d get Ryan back. “I’m the one who should worry. If Ryan realizes I planned this, I’ll be in trouble.” “I don’t think what you’re planning is going to break Ryan and Tori apart.” Josh put both hands on her shoulders. “And someone might get hurt.” She raised her head to look at Josh. “No one’s going to get hurt. I’m not going to follow Tori in a truck and act like a jealous boyfriend.” He looked at her with relief. “Good. I didn’t think a truck chase with you wearing a cap like Ryan’s would fool Tori.” She grinned. “I had a truck lined up that’s the same year and color as Ryan’s.” “I bet you did.” He shrugged. “That was why I asked for the hundred dollars. I figured if you paid me that much, you wouldn’t want to spend more money renting a truck.”

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“Okay, so it wasn’t one of my brightest ideas. I was hoping Tori would think Ryan was insanely jealous of you two kissing each other and she’d assume he was mad enough to run her off the road.” He shrugged. “Just because I’m kissing her on the runway doesn’t mean she’s going to kiss me back.” She eyeballed him up and down. “Are you kidding? If we weren’t cousins, I’d be all over your body. You’re one sexy guy. And I bet there’ll be a photographer. If a photo gets in the newspaper, Ryan will hear about it from everyone. He’ll get jealous and fight with Tori.” He grinned. “If you pull this off and Tori goes out with me, you can keep your money.” She shook her head. “You can have it to spend on dates with her.” Losing her temper on the gym floor had been a good thing after all. Josh had called her after she’d been suspended for intentional roughness. When he yelled about what she’d done, Maddie realized Josh had a crush on Tori. Hopefully her attempt to break up the couple might help shy Josh to get a date with Tori. How could Tori resist Josh with his broad shoulders, blond hair, blue eyes and sexy smile? Actually, she was worried because Tori loved Ryan so much that her cousin’s model looks might not make a difference. Maddie decided to change the subject. “Does Uncle Craig ever talk to my dad?” He nodded. “Some. Your dad’s not easy to talk to, though.” She sighed. “Tell me about it. You’re lucky your dad loves you. When I was little, I wished I could trade fathers with you.” “I’m sorry. But your stepfather’s nice.” “He offered to pay for my prom dress. Haley’s trying to fix me up with a guy named Jake. He actually wants to take me to the prom.” Or else other girls had turned him down. “Sweet. You should go and have some fun for a change.”

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“You and Tori will have fun modeling.” She ruffled his hair. “Two ditzy blonds should look great together.” “Hey, we’re not dumb blonds. Tori’s ranked first or second in the class. And my grades are good.” She ignored his comments and rubbed her lower lip. “I might be doing you a bigger favor than I thought. You and Tori might end up modeling for Abercrombie and Fitch.” He gave her a little push. “Don’t you have to go to work?” *** Kim pulled a lacy knit pajama top over her head, followed with matching light blue bottoms. While she tied the drawstring at the waist, she glanced at her nightstand. Good, her journal and pen were both there. She arranged pillows against the headboard and crawled into bed. After she picked up her writing materials, she leaned against a pillow. What should she write tonight? While she skimmed what she’d written the other day, she grabbed a big barrette off the nightstand and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. Steve entered the bedroom, and she sighed. He kissed her forehead. “I hope that sigh wasn’t for me.” She looked up at him, shaking her head. “I just read what I wrote the other day about my feelings and it clicked in my brain that while it’s terribly sad some died, many positive things have happened to us since that day.” He nodded and climbed into bed. “I’m happy about the changes, that’s for sure.” Kim fingered the lavender ribbon marker in her journal. “I wish I hadn’t needed an airplane crash to make me appreciate my life with our family more.” “Tragedies always wake us up to what’s important.” “It’s pretty neat how Tori and Eric came into our lives as a result.”

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Steve draped his arm around her neck. “Janice sure seems to think a lot of Eric.” “Tori’s happy her dad is going out with Janice.” Steve sat up straighter. “I forgot to tell you Megan’s dad called before you got home. He’s going to call back tomorrow to thank you for those pictures you drew for Megan.” He squeezed her hand. “Just think, she’s alive because you saved her. I don’t know how you ever managed to save yourself, Tori and Megan.” Kim grinned. “You saved my life, too, by tripping over me, wondering what the heck was in your way.” Gaby peeked into their room. “Are you two decent?” “It depends on what you mean by decent,” Steve said. Kim nudged him with her elbow. “Of course, we’re decent. What do you need, sweetie?” She held a book next to her chest. “I need help with my algebra.” Steve raised his eyebrows. “On a Friday night, you want to do homework?” Gaby nodded. “I want to get it out of the way so I can enjoy the rest of the weekend.” He glanced at Kim. “You write and I’ll help our industrious daughter.” As he got out of bed, Steve asked, “What’s with algebra in eighth grade?” “Daddy, the better students take algebra and I won’t have to take it my freshmen year of high school.” Steve groaned, glancing at Kim over his shoulder. “Our little girl’s growing up.” She thought about saying, “And before you know it, she’ll be going out on dates.” But she was sure he couldn’t handle thinking about his little girl dating yet, so she just smiled at him. Twenty minutes later, Steve was back. “Algebra’s done.” She heard a click as he locked the bedroom door. Looking up from her journal, she said, “Something else is done.”

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“Good, I was hoping you’d be through writing and ready for me.” He nibbled on her ear. “Well, what I meant was I’m finished with feeling guilty. It’s not my fault I lived and Jillian died. I couldn’t have saved her and I had no control over what happened. And she’d want me to go on and be happy.” “I’m glad to hear that.” He pulled her against him. “Maybe you won’t have any more nightmares.” “I don’t think I will since I felt guilty before and I don’t now. Tonight I just wrote about how wonderful things are.” “Did you write how sexy I am in bed?” She shook her head. “I wrote how you’re horny all the time.” His mouth covered hers and she tossed her journal onto the floor. Much later, Kim rested her head on Steve’s shoulder with her arm flung across his bare middle. Their legs were intertwined. She loved feeling such an incredible closeness to him. In a sleepy voice, he asked, “Did you do all the preventive stuff for your asthma today?” “Yes.” “Maybe Portland will be a healthier place for you.” “I think it’s rated the same as Chicago.” She cleared her throat. “I’ve changed my mind about driving to Portland. It’s going to take a lot of time and I can’t miss too much work. I’ve overloaded Allison recently.” “Oh, babe. I want us to go so we can check out everything. If we move there—” “Sorry, I didn’t mean we wouldn’t go. I thought we could fly instead. I didn’t feel like flying right after the crash, but I’m okay now. And we have more of a chance of being in an accident driving than we do flying.” “I’m glad you aren’t afraid to fly. I was worried about taking off too much work, too.”

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“I have to go to work for a few hours tomorrow, but we can go ahead and schedule our flight. I’ve accumulated lots of free flying miles from my buying trips that we can use.” “It’ll be good seeing Ken again.” She still couldn’t imagine moving to Portland and leaving the city she grew up in and loved, but for Steve’s sake, she’d try to keep an open mind. And he could always change his mind and decide to start his own business in Chicago. “When I was at work today, I started thinking how much I’ll miss Altman’s, but at the same time I want to be home more. And I thought of something I can do,” she patted his arm, “but don’t worry, I won’t for years. First, you need to get your ad agency started and I want to have a baby, but eventually I’d like to have my own clothing store.” Steve was quiet. She shouldn’t have mentioned it right now and waited until he got his own business established. But once the thought had entered her mind while driving home, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. “It seems like it might take a lot of money to get a clothing store started,” he said. “I could borrow from Laura.” She laughed. “Or since your business is going to be a big success, you can loan me the money.” “I hope I can help you. They say if a business can get through the first two years, the chances for survival is better.” “Of course you’ll succeed. Everyone will want you to do their ads.” She gave him a long kiss. He said exactly what she’d hoped he would. “And I can wait until the baby’s in kindergarten to get started. That will give us more time.” “If you do this in a few years, I’ll be supportive.” She clutched Steve tightly. “Thanks for giving me the thumbs up. I think it’ll be great to be my own boss. I know I’ll like deciding where the store should be located and what the image of the shop will be and…” “Maybe you could design your own clothing and sell it.”

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“Why did you say that? Now I’ll never be able to go to sleep.” “I’m not going to let you sleep. An aggressive business woman always excites me.” He leaned down and kissed her breast. As he caressed her nipple with his tongue, she murmured, “I’m glad I mentioned my store plans.”

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Chapter Thirty-two Tori looked at Kim across the table. Did she like her dinner? Of course, she hoped the whole Collins family liked her enchiladas, but Kim’s opinion mattered the most to her. “These garlic enchiladas are incredible,” Kim said. “I’m glad you like them. I thought about making chicken enchiladas, but we’ve always liked the beef ones better.” “I’d glad you made the beef.” Kim wiped her lips with a napkin. “I want the recipe. I just hope mine turn out as good as these.” Steve nodded. “This Mexican rice is good, too. “And I love the Mexican plates,” Kim said. “They were my mother’s before she and Daddy got married. I only use them for special occasions, like tonight.” “When you told Mom in ICU that you’d have us all over, I didn’t think it’d be this soon,” Gaby said. “You don’t mess around.” Tori smiled. “After Dad learned I wanted to cook dinner for you, he mentioned how hungry he was for my enchiladas. And it makes too much for just the two of us.” For a few minutes, everyone ate and Steve invited her dad to work out with him at his fitness center. Tori held her breath, waiting for her dad’s response. Her dad said, “I’d like to.” He hadn’t even complained how hard it might be to get a wheelchair into the building. She was happy Steve could do what she hadn’t been able to. When she’d mentioned wheelchair basketball, her dad had said

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no. Maybe it was a guy thing and her dad didn’t want to turn Steve down. “Sometime will you take me, too?” Jason asked Steve. Steve ruffled Jason’s hair. “You aren’t old enough for the weight room, but we can go swimming together.” “I think it’s time for a toast,” her dad said. “To many more enjoyable evenings like this.” Holding his margarita glass high, he said, “Cheers.” After clicking their glasses and taking sips. Steve held up his glass. “And to wonderful friends and family. Cheers.” With a glass of Sprite in his hand, Jason said, “And here’s toasting to more of Tori’s yummy enchiladas.” Above the clicking, everyone laughed. “Thanks for fixing the margaritas.” Her dad smiled at Janice at the other end of the table. Steve put down his fork. “Yeah. Here I’ve been playing bartender all these years and now I find out you make great drinks, too.” Janice laughed. “You love playing bartender.” Kim nudged Steve. “Don’t drink too many tonight.” “I thought you were the designated driver,” Steve said. Kim nodded. “That’s fine, but we both need to get up for work tomorrow.” “Ryan, you’re going to get fat being married to Tori.” Gaby took a sip of Sprite. “I don’t know if she’ll have time to cook for me.” Ryan smiled at Tori. “Maybe we can take turns.” Tori was still undecided about getting married. She just didn’t know if she was ready for all the responsibility. She squeezed Ryan’s hand and looked around the table at everyone. “I’m not sure how soon we’ll get married.” Her dad nodded. “I’ve been telling them how important it is they both go to college and get their degrees with the job market being what it is now. You used to be able to get a bachelor’s degree and start out with a 198

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decent salary right after graduation, but not anymore. A bachelor’s isn’t always enough.” “If you don’t get married, are we getting your baby?” Jason asked. Tori didn’t know what to say. She didn’t realize Jason knew about her pregnancy. How could she tell them she and Ryan were concerned about Kim having another bout of asthma? “You’re so rude and nosy,” Gaby said, glaring at her brother. “We aren’t sure yet what we’re going to do.” Tori tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Would you mind if your parents adopted our baby?” With a thoughtful expression, Jason said, “I think I’d like to be a big brother. And Mommy said she’ll quit her job to take care of us and a new baby, and I’m happy about that.” “Now it’s been brought up,” Ryan said, “we were wondering if you feel comfortable adopting since you recently had a severe asthma attack?” Tori was surprised Ryan questioned Kim about her health. But maybe it was better he mentioned it to Kim instead of her. She hadn’t talked to Kim about adoption since the attack. She twisted her silver ring around her finger, remembering the conversation with Steve in front of the hospital nursery. Had the attack influenced her decision about adoption or having the tubal reversal she wanted? Kim gave a vigorous nod. “If you decide on adoption, we very much want your baby. I have my asthma under control.” “I heard Steve found you unconscious on the floor,” Ryan said. “What if it happens again except this time you fall with a baby in your arms?” “It’s never happened before and I’m sure it won’t again. From now on when I’m exposed to things that trigger my asthma, I’ll be sure to take the time to use my inhaler or nebulizer.” She wasn’t going to mention the attack a year ago because she hadn’t been unconscious that time. “I’m glad you have it under control. It was scary seeing you on a respirator.” Tori smiled at Kim. “If we decide on adoption, I’d like for you and Steve to be the baby’s parents.”

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Ryan didn’t say anything, but he nodded. She was relieved he hadn’t disagreed with her choice of adoptive parents. She hadn’t changed her mind and still knew she could never give their baby away to strangers. “How about dessert?” Janice asked. Kim stood and started clearing the dinner plates. “Janice’s crust is so flaky and she puts just the right amount of cinnamon on her apples.” “Sit down, I’ll get the pie,” Tori said. Kim smiled. “You already cooked us a delicious dinner. You rest.” While Janice made a pot of coffee, Kim started cutting the large pie into eight pieces. Her dad asked Steve how often he worked out. Since they were busy talking and Gaby had taken some dishes to the kitchen, Tori whispered to Ryan, “Do you think I should ask Kim if she wants to be at the doctor’s office when I have the sonogram?” Ryan nodded. “If you want to.” “Are you all still going to Portland over spring break?” her dad asked Steve. Steve nodded. “I’m looking forward to seeing my brother and his family again.” “I’ve never been to Portland,” Eric said. “I’ve been thinking I could have the type of agency I want in Portland. I want to be my own boss…” His voice trailed off as he glanced at Kim waving a knife at him. He nodded at her and continued, “And I think it’ll be a good place to start an ad agency. There are so many agencies in Chicago, and my brother started his own business in Portland.” “Portland,” Gaby yelled. “I’m not going to leave Chicago. I’m going to be in high school.” Tori’s startled gaze rested on Steve. “This isn’t good news for me either. Of course, we’re friends and it’ll make it easier to give our baby to you if that’s what we decide to do. But the other reason is because you live here.”

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Ryan frowned. “My parents will want to see their grandchild and it’d be hard for them to travel to Portland.” “I don’t want to move away from Corey and Aunt Laura,” Jason said. “I know I’ve been pushing for you to adopt the baby,” her dad said, “but I’m not crazy about my grandchild living in Portland.” Gaby fingered the lavender gemstone of her silver necklace while looking at Janice. “What about Janice? She won’t want to go to Portland.” Janice set pie with vanilla ice cream in front of Tori and Ryan. She gave Steve a small smile. “I guess since I work for you, I should be upset that this is the first I heard about it. But it sounds to me like you’re just visiting and have no plans yet to move. I’ve known you for a long time and know you wouldn’t uproot your family unless they’re all behind it.” “I’m sorry.” Steve glanced at Kim as she brought him a cup of coffee. “I guess that’s why you were waving the knife at me. I thought you were asking if I wanted a piece of pie.” Kim rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re a smart one.” Her dad said to Steve, “Of course, even if you do relocate, you still have family here so you’ll always come back to visit.” He glanced at Tori and Ryan. “You’d get to see the baby.” Ryan raised his eyebrows. “If we can be here at the same time.” “We’ll probably be on breaks the times they visit over holidays,” Tori said. “He just told me about it a few weeks ago,” Kim said. “He’s just in the talking stage and that’s all. We probably won’t move.” What if they do? Tori didn’t want her baby living far away in Portland. After the Collins family left, Tori wondered if her dad and Janice were enjoying the Sunday night movie. She couldn’t do another physics problem. She closed her textbook and said to Ryan, “I’m going to take a break from studying and talk to Dad and Janice.” Ryan nodded. “I want to finish this page.”

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Tori left the kitchen and in the living room she noticed Janice resting her head on her dad’s shoulder. It was looking good for her dad. He finally had a girlfriend after all these years. During a commercial, her dad said, “I’m glad you’re in here. Janice has something to tell you.” “Patti’s interested in adopting your baby.” “But she just had a baby,” Tori said. “She can’t have any more. And she doesn’t want to raise Dillon as an only child. She always hated not having any siblings.” Her dad grinned. “You weren’t enough entertainment for her?” “I guess not.” “Tell Patti thanks for me. I’ll keep her offer in mind,” Tori said. “If Kim and Steve move to Portland, I think Ryan’s parents might even want to keep the baby.” “Mercy,” Janice said. “Your baby has so many people interested in raising him. Or should I say her?” “Did Patti realize she was having a boy?” Janice shook her head. “She wanted to be surprised.” “Do you like the movie?” her dad asked Janice. “I don’t think it’s very good.” “I should have rented one.” “Since Tori’s basketball’s over, why don’t we go to a movie next weekend?” He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s a hassle for me to go to the cinema with my wheelchair and the crowds.” Janice grinned. “I like hassles.” Before her dad could answer, Tori plopped down beside Janice. “Daddy, don’t use that for an excuse. You can go to one that’s handicapped accessible. You and Janice should go to a movie.” Janice squeezed Tori’s arm. “I like this girl.”

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Janice was pretty in her blue sweater and gray pants. Although she was a few years older than her dad, she seemed younger. Maybe it was her haircut with its short, slightly messy appearance. She hoped her dad had told Janice how nice she looked, but she was afraid he hadn’t. He was definitely out of practice when it came to women. He’d gone on very few dates since her mother had died. Since Janice had been Steve and Kim’s housekeeper for a long time, she should ask Janice what she thought of Steve’s announcement. “Do you think Steve will talk Kim and the kids into moving to Portland?” Janice shook her head. “Steve turned forty recently and I think he’s going through a middle-age crisis. He realizes he’s getting older and thinks if he moves, he’ll feel younger again.” “Daddy, did you go through a crisis when you turned forty?” He laughed. “Never. You kept me so busy with all your sports that I didn’t have time to think about it. And I loved every minute of it.” She glanced at Janice. “Don’t I have the best dad?” “You do.” Tori got off the sofa and kissed her dad. “I’m going to see if Ryan’s done yet with his homework.” Over her shoulder, she said, “I’m glad you two are a couple. And a cute one at that.” “Tori—” Eric started to say. “Daddy dresses much better now. Before he dated you, he wore the ugliest clothes.” “Tori, we aren’t dating. Janice and I are just good friends.” Before Tori could tell her dad how she knew better, Janice stood. “I’d better go. It’s getting late.”

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Chapter Thirty-three With Mrs. Stafford driving them to the doctor’s office for the ultrasound, Tori wondered if this was a good time to say how she’d been a virgin until the night they’d made a baby. In other words, should she tell Ryan’s mom she wasn’t a slut? She also wanted Mrs. Stafford to know she and Ryan had only done it that one time. They hadn’t done anything since the night she got pregnant. Well, not exactly nothing. They’d gotten pretty hot and heavy in the back seat of this car. She rubbed her hands on the gray cloth seat, remembering their intimate moments. She loved being in Ryan’s arms. His lips went places she wouldn’t want her dad to know about. Ryan was disappointed she didn’t want to go all the way, especially since they were engaged. She just didn’t want to do it in the back seat of his mother’s car. Or his dad’s car, either. Ryan had suggested getting a room on prom night, but she was afraid if they started having sex, they wouldn’t be able to focus on what was the best for their baby. And right now, they needed to decide what they were going to do. From the front seat, Ryan turned his head and smiled at her. Over the top of the seat, he dangled a bottle of water at her. “Do you want another drink?” Tori shook her head. “I can’t drink another ounce of water. I think my bladder’s full enough for the ultrasound test.” Mrs. Stafford glanced in the rear view mirror at Tori. She was a pretty, petite woman with lovely gray eyes. Ryan got his height from his dad. “I had an ultrasound when I was pregnant with Ryan. They thought I could be expecting twins.” “Wow, Mrs. Stafford, that would have been something, having twins.” 204

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“You’re telling me. Like you, I was only seventeen and we could hardly afford one baby. I was so scared there would be two babies on the screen. I didn’t know how we’d cope.” That reminder took care of her telling Mrs. Stafford she’d been a good girl most of the time. Crap, she didn’t want Ryan’s mom to think she was implying she should have waited before doing it with Ryan’s dad. That was something, both of them getting pregnant their senior year of high school. She gnawed on her lower lip. What a thing to have in common with your future mother-in-law. Ryan grinned. “But you did cope and had a great kid.” Mrs. Stafford stopped at a traffic light. “I sure did.” She turned around to look at Tori. With her hand off the steering wheel, she put a lock of brown curly hair behind her ear and said, “Since you’re carrying my grandchild and you’re going to be my daughter-in-law, I think it’d be nice for you to call me Grace instead of Mrs. Stafford. Is that okay with you?” Tori smiled. “I like that…Grace.” Tori climbed up on the table in a small room where the ultrasound equipment was located. Ryan stood next to Tori, holding her hand while Grace stood in the corner where she could still see the video screen but be out of the technician’s way. “Did you drink your water?” Tori nodded at the technician. “That’s good.” She held a tube above Tori’s abdomen. “I’m going to smear lubricating gel on you to help the probe pass smoothly over your skin. Just to warn you, the gel’s cold so you might get a chilly sensation from it.” Tori felt sick suddenly. What if the ultrasound showed the baby wasn’t developing properly because of the airplane crash? If something should be wrong, it’d be her fault she flew that day. Or what if the baby had been injured when she fell onto the floor after Maddie tripped her?

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She shouldn’t have played basketball, but who could have known Maddie would be so mad at her for dating Ryan? After the woman smeared the gel on her, she told Tori, “Take a deep breath and try to relax.” She smiled. “You’re not ticklish, I hope.” “No.” “Good, because I’ve had women who are ticklish and the procedure was more difficult for them.” She set the tube of gel on a stand and picked up the hand-held probe. She applied some pressure as she moved it along Tori’s belly. With all their eyes on the screen, Grace said, “Look carefully at the lines and shadows across the monitor. You’ll see the baby’s heartbeat.” After a moment, Ryan said in an excited voice, “I see it.” The technician pointed to a spot on the screen. “There’s the head right there.” Tori laughed. “Look how he’s moving around now.” “Can you tell if it the baby’s a boy or a girl?” Ryan asked. “It’s too early to tell. After twenty weeks sometimes I can identify the sex of the baby, but even then it’s not always possible.” Grace asked the technician, “He or she is due in early August. Is the baby the right size for an August delivery?” “Dr. Brown will go over all that with you after she looks at it. She does all the interpretation of the information acquired by the ultrasound.” “Is she here today?” Tori asked. “Yes.” For a few minutes, Baby Moorhead entertained them. “Seeing our baby while he’s inside me is the most incredible thing ever.” Happiness filled her at the sight of their active child. She was glad Ryan and Grace were with her to share this precious moment, but wished her dad could have witnessed seeing the baby move on the screen. And she’d asked Kim to be here for the ultrasound, but she had a doctor’s visit to go to because of her recent asthma attack. 206

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The technician handed Tori a printout of the ultrasound. “Mom, here’s your baby’s first photo.” “What did the doctor say about the ultrasound?” her dad asked. He’d just gotten home from the office a few minutes ahead of them. Tori stood next to her dad’s wheelchair. “She said according to the ultrasound, there are no fetal abnormalities, but there are some congenital problems that can’t be detected by the scan. She said the placenta and amniotic fluid volume are fine. And she viewed my cervix and it’s good.” Then Tori smiled at her dad. “But guess what?” “I bet you know the baby’s sex,” her dad said. “Wrong guess. They can’t tell until twenty weeks for that. From the size of the baby, Dr. Brown could pinpoint my due date.” Tori grinned. “I might have to bake your birthday cake early.” Her dad was quiet for a moment, then he smiled at her. “Oh, I get it. The baby’s due on my birthday.” She nodded. “August sixth.” While he took another look at the photo of his grandchild, Grace said, “It’s going to be hard to give this baby away, isn’t it, Eric?” “Yes, it is.” He sighed. “I’ve thought of taking care of the baby while the kids go to college, but I don’t know if that’s best for the baby. Tori wants to be a pharmacist and Ryan’s going in engineering. Not easy majors for them as young parents.” Grace said, “I’ve had some sleepless nights wondering what would be the best for this child and—” “Mom,” Ryan interrupted her, “you know I want to marry Tori and raise our baby. It’ll be okay.” “I know you love Tori and you want to get married and give your baby a home, but from my own experience I know how hard it is to be so young when you have to get married.” She patted Ryan’s arm. “I’ve never regretted having you and I love you, but I’d hoped you and Tori wouldn’t be faced with this situation.”

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“But we are,” Tori said, sitting beside Ryan on the sofa. “I was thinking strongly about adoption until now. The ultrasound was so exciting, seeing the baby’s movement, recognizing fingers, and I even saw a tiny nose. And seeing the heartbeat was wonderful.” Ryan nodded. “It was more thrilling than playing football.” Maybe she needed to call the college soccer coach and get that out of the way. It’d been a wonderful dream of hers and her dad for so many years. It would hard to tell the coach she couldn’t attend college at UNC and play soccer. The best women’s soccer team in the country, and she could have been part of it. Tori hated to say this to her dad because it’d hurt him as much as it would her. She drew in a breath. “Daddy, you know I’m not going to be able to play soccer for UNC, so I’m going to have to call the coach sometime.” He brushed some lint off his pants. “No, I don’t think you can have a baby in August and be in shape in time to play college soccer. I guess what I’m hearing from both of you is that you might get married before the baby’s born. Is that right?” Ryan held Tori’s hand in his. “I’ve been thinking of asking Tori if she’d like to go to University of Cincinnati. She could go for a year on an academic scholarship, and I don’t think it’s too late to apply for one. But she’ll need to hurry, I think sometime in March is their deadline. They have a good women’s soccer team and maybe the following year she could play.” “I don’t have to play soccer, but I would like to go to college. I might forget about pharmacy, though.” “What about if you have the baby, go to college at Loyola University here or the University of Chicago?” He wheeled closer to Tori. “Grace and I will help with the baby for as long as you need us.” “It might work.” Tori hugged him. “Thanks, Daddy.” “And when you both feel you can handle marriage and a child,” Grace paused and smiled at them, “you two can get married and, Tori, you could transfer to UC.” “I don’t like the waiting to get married part,” Ryan said. 208

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Grace laughed. “You have never liked to wait for anything. But maybe it’s time my impatient boy learns to become a patient man. This would be an excellent time for you to learn this, and waiting to marry Tori will be worth it and make it even more special.” Happiness surged through Tori for the second time that day, and she thought how sweet Grace was to say she was worth waiting for. Several hours later, she was in bed with her journal resting on her legs. She ran her finger down the crease in the middle of the new journal Kim had given her. What an emotional day it’d been, she thought as she gazed at the picture of her baby. How perfect it’d be if their baby took strengths from both of them. She was good in math probably because of her dad being an accountant. He’d instilled in her a love of numbers, but he’d always encouraged her in all her subjects. Although Ryan was also good in math, his favorite subject was English. He loved to write. But now she should write her feelings about her magical day at the doctor’s office. She wrote for a few minutes, then read it. Today was an exciting day since I bonded with my baby while seeing him or her during an ultrasound. I loved watching the baby’s movement and seeing his heartbeat and little hands. It’s just so incredible realizing that all this activity is going on inside my body. Before the ultrasound I had a sense of being a mother, but a turning point in my life has been reached. After seeing this miracle on the screen, I truly understand I’m a mother now with a new life growing inside me. I’m happy Ryan shared this moment of seeing our baby. And I felt so special because of Grace’s kindness to me. I do wish Daddy could have gone, but maybe he was still too hurt I got pregnant my senior year and probably blew my chances at playing college soccer. But he must be getting over it a little because after he saw the baby’s picture, he mentioned taking care of the baby while I go to classes. I’m thinking seriously of living at home for a year and attending college. But what’s the best thing to do for our wonderful baby?

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Kim didn’t leave me on the plane to die when I blacked out. She took a chance of dying by staying with me. Another person might have just hurried off the plane. When Kim helped me before the plane exploded, she didn’t just save my life, but also my baby’s. For that reason alone, should I give my baby to Kim and Steve? With the way I feel now is this even possible for me to give my baby up for adoption? She put her pen down on the bed at the sound of her cell phone ringing. When she answered, Ryan said, “I wrote a poem about our baby. I emailed it to you so you can read it.” “Thanks, I’ll read it now. Just hold on.” She hopped out of bed and set her cell phone by the computer. After sitting in the chair, she opened her email account and clicked on Ryan’s new message. “I got it,” she said and silently read his poem on her monitor. To Our Baby You’re still inside your beautiful mother’s womb. But yet I can bond with you By watching your tiny body move Across the small video screen. With the ultrasound, your mom and I can see What a miracle we have created from our love. And to me it is more thrilling than scoring the winning Touchdown in the last few minutes of a tied game. Through wet eyes, I see your beating heart And know you are real, my child. I love you in a way that Only a father can love. A love which is strong, enduring, and full of hope. Soon your mother and I will welcome you into the world.

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“I love it. I’ll print it out and save it for our baby.” In her heart she realized what a hard choice she'd eventually have to make.

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Chapter Thirty-four Gaby felt like crying as she stared at a page in her literature book. Nothing was normal around here any longer. Since the crash, her mother had changed and wanted to quit her job so she could be home. Why now? They weren’t babies any more. Mom wanted to spend more time with them, but they were in school all day. She probably had written down on a list: After school, greet children at door with freshly baked cookies on a special plate. She stuck her pen behind her ear and shut her book, thinking how her mom being a clothes buyer for Altman’s was the best thing ever. Sure, she missed Mom when she went on her buying trips, but it was worth it. After her trips, Mom had brought her cool clothes that weren’t for sale in the stores yet. Gaby leaned back in the computer chair and glanced around at her lavender walls and the tie-dye curtains. Her mom had told her to design the room to reflect her personality. Since she picked her favorite colors and furnishings, she couldn’t imagine leaving it. One of her purchases she loved was the floor lamp with flower-petal shades. And the lava lamp looked cool on her night stand. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and put a purple scrunchy around it. She knew the real reason her mom wanted to quit her job. Her mom wanted a baby. If she adopted Tori’s baby, that was one thing. Tori was way too young to take care of a newborn. She needed to go to college and get an education before having a family. In this situation, it made sense for her parents to adopt Tori’s baby. But her mom kept talking about getting pregnant. What was with that? She already had two children; she didn’t need to get pregnant.

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Gaby sighed. And it wasn’t just the baby thing. When her dad had talked last night about starting his own company in Portland, it’d been unreal. Was he crazy, too? Were both of her parents going through a mid-life crisis at the same time? She’d been excited about starting high school and was sick of being an eighth grader. The junior high dances were lame and stupid. She tapped her fingers on the chair armrests. Her parents were going to ruin her life if they moved. Maybe she could live with Aunt Laura. Or run away from home. She thought how that was mean to worry them both, especially since her mother just had an asthma attack and almost died. But hey, didn’t she have rights, too? She wasn’t going to move to Portland. If forced to, she’d leave home and hide out some place until they went to Portland. Or convince them to allow her to live with Aunt Laura and attend her high school in Chicago. She wondered if she could talk Jason into staying with her at Aunt Laura’s. He was a pain in the butt sometimes, but she didn’t want to lose her whole family. *** “Hey, babe, you coming to bed soon?” Steve asked, lifting the cranberry floral comforter and throwing it back so he could climb into bed. Kim nodded, sitting on a chair near the bed. “I’m going to make a quick phone call to Laura.” Steve moaned. “You two talk forever. And I’m a tired husband needing some relaxation before I can sleep.” “Me, too.” Kim grinned, picking up the cordless phone next to the bed. “But it’s not late yet. I do want to call Laura. She’s going through a hard time right now and I haven’t talked to her today.” While Kim waited for Laura to answer her phone, Steve said, “I’m surprised Eric hasn’t called about working out tomorrow.” www.samhainpublishing.com

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Laura answered and instantly asked, “What’s this about you moving to Portland? You only told me you were visiting Steve’s brother and his family.” “I’m putting you on speaker phone so Steve can listen in.” Kim decided he needed to hear the conversation since he was the one who wanted to uproot their family. “That’s fine. Gaby just called me a few minutes ago and wanted to know if she could live with me.” “I’m sorry. I meant to tell you the other day that Steve’s thinking of starting his agency in Portland. Then other things happened and I forgot to tell you. But we haven’t made plans to move yet.” Steve said, “We haven’t put our house up for sale yet.” “And I hope you don’t,” Laura said. “I just lost my husband. I can’t lose you guys, too.” “You aren’t going to lose us,” Kim said. “If you leave, it won’t be the same.” Laura took a deep breath. “Steve, how about I loan you some money for your business? Then you can afford to stay in Chicago.” “That’s very kind of you, Laura, but there are so many ad agencies here, and Ken tells me Portland will be a good place for me to start my business.” Why did Ken have to leave Chicago? If Ken hadn’t moved to Portland, this conversation wouldn’t be happening. “It seems one reason you want to move to Portland is because of Ken,” Kim said. “So obviously Laura and her children are why we should stay here.” Steve raised his eyebrows at Kim. “Oh no, you two are ganging up on me.” Kim shrugged. “I hate to change the subject, but, Laura, don’t forget about your book signing at the hospital. And are you still modeling?” Laura sighed. “Yes to the first question and to the second, do I have to model?”

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“Everyone will want to see the famous Laura Linhardt in the fashion show. And all the women will buy the suit you model. I’m going to have it available in lots of sizes and colors.” “I guess it’s for a worthy cause. I’ll model, but it seems like you’re taking a little advantage of me here since we’re sisters. I’m sure there are other writers who’d love to be in your fashion show.” “But you have the best figure.” “Peter obviously doesn’t think so. He only cares about Brenda.” “He’s an idiot,” Steve said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he forgets about Brenda soon and asks for your forgiveness.” Kim still couldn’t believe Peter had left Laura. “I don’t think that’ll happen, but if he does have a change of heart, I don’t know if I’ll take him back.” Laura laughed softly. “I guess I could move to Portland and make it hard on him to be able to see the kids. But I won’t. It wouldn’t be good for them not to see their dad often.” Kim heard the tone signaling she had an incoming call. “I’ll have to put you on hold. I have another call.” “No, it’s okay. I need to get off here to work on my book. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” From her caller ID Kim saw the new caller was Judith Harrison. Odd, Mrs. Harrison had never called her at home. She hoped nothing was wrong. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Steve patting her side of the bed. She communicated back with a nod and held up her index finger so he knew she’d only take a minute. She answered with a cheery hello. “Kim, I’m sorry I’m calling you after store hours, but could you help me pick out something to wear to the fashion show?” “Yes, I’d love to.” Last week she’d asked Mrs. Harrison to sit in the front row during the show. Kim thought it’d be nice to give Mrs. Harrison some recognition for her donation. “I have another favor. You don’t need to call me Mrs. Harrison. Please call me Judith from now on.”

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“Judith’s a pretty name. It suits you.” It had a regal sound to it and Mrs. Harrison, or Judith, had such elegant manners. “Thank you.” “And come in any day to shop and we’ll find something exclusive for you to wear.” She had a thought and decided to act on it. “How about if we have lunch together when you’re in the store?” “I’d like to.” Judith paused for a moment. “I’m excited about your sister doing a book signing. You know, I didn’t realize she was your sister until the other day when Colleen mentioned it.” Kim laughed. “I know, it’s hard having a famous younger sister. Be sure to bring any books you want her to sign.” “You’re in the paper, too, with your fashion news and tips. Your parents must be very proud of you both.” Kim made no comment because her parents had only criticized her for traveling too much, although now she actually agreed with their opinion. They were pleased about Laura’s success as a writer and were impressed with their sons’ fitness club. After a few more minutes of chatter, the call ended. Kim rushed into the bathroom and over her shoulder said, “You’re a patient man and sexy, too. I’m going to hurry and brush my teeth.” After she was finished in the bathroom, she walked back into the bedroom and saw Steve was on the phone. She mouthed softly, “Who is it?” “Kim’s out of the bathroom now. And thanks, buddy, for picking me up tomorrow. Here’s Kim.” Steve held the phone out to her and said, “Eric wants to talk to you.” Even though Steve hadn’t gotten descriptive when he mentioned her being in the bathroom, she was still reminded of her younger brothers telling her boyfriend callers, “Hey, she’s taking a dump. It’ll be awhile so call back later.” Usually she was taking a shower, but they thought it was hilarious to use the dump excuse for not coming to the phone.

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She covered the mouthpiece. “Thanks for telling Eric I was in the bathroom.” She removed her hand and said in a cheery tone, “Hello, Eric.” He said, “Well, Tori had her ultrasound and everything seems to be fine with the baby.” “That’s very good news.” “And the baby’s due on my birthday.” Kim laughed. “I bet Tori enjoyed telling you that.” “She did. I think seeing the baby on the screen made them both realize how hard it’ll be to give him or her up for adoption, so I offered to watch the baby if Tori goes to college here in Chicago.” Eric willing to help with a newborn was a surprise, but maybe not. He loved Tori and he’d want her to be able to go to college. “It might work for her to stay home and keep the baby but still continue her education.” He sighed. “I’m not sure now I should’ve offered to babysit. Grace, Ryan’s mom, told them she’d help, too. Maybe we’re making it too easy on them and later when the baby becomes totally their responsibility, they might decide it’s all too much.” “No, I think it’s wonderful you’re being so supportive. And this will help them to know they can talk openly with you about the whole situation.” “I just don’t want them to forget about adoption. I’m afraid they’ll be influenced by our babysitting offer and decide to keep the baby.” “You just gave them another option to consider, and I know Tori will think it all through carefully and do what’s best.” “Tori thought about calling you tonight, but she went to bed early after she got her homework done.” “I’m glad you called to tell me about the ultrasound. It’s exciting seeing your baby on the screen.” Kim crawled into bed and pulled the comforter over her legs. “Steve and I would like to adopt, but whatever Ryan and Tori decide, we’ll understand.”

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“I don’t know what they’ll do. It’s going to be tough either way.” He exhaled a deep breath. “I’d better get off here so you can go to bed.” Kim glanced at Steve, who was reading a John Grisham novel. “Eric, you better get to bed. I don’t want you to oversleep tomorrow morning.” “Why’s that?” She laughed. “Because you’re picking up Steve. I don’t want him to miss his weight-lifting and get flabby on me.” Steve closed his book and grabbed the phone. “You see what I have to put up with? Good night, Eric.” “I wonder if there’s anyone else in Chicago we need to talk to?” Kim asked with wide eyes. “I don’t care if the President of the United States calls. We’re not answering the phone.” She gave a big yawn. “You’re right. We need to go to sleep.” He pulled her into his arms. “Babe, the snoozing might be delayed a little.” “Only a little?”

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Chapter Thirty-five Kim stood several feet away from the recently constructed runway to get the total effect. She was quite happy with how the walkway looked attached to the small stage in the hospital’s auditorium. “Thanks, everyone for all your help. It looks fantastic.” Kim glanced at Tori and Ryan as they stood next to the stage. She couldn’t help but notice that in her fitted blouse, Tori wasn’t showing yet. But she was only four months pregnant and being long-waisted gave the baby more room. How big will she be by the time of her prom? Tori said their school had the prom early. The dress could be altered to hide her pregnancy if necessary. The jeans with top-stitching and oversize pockets looked good on Tori, too. As if she felt Kim staring at her, Tori turned and smiled. “Are we still having a practice on Friday night?” Kim nodded. “And I invited some of the patients to come and watch.” “I’m hungry,” Gaby said. “Can we go now to get pizza?” “Yes.” Kim looked around for Ryan’s special friend, Tony. She appreciated him working on the catwalk with them and wanted to make sure Tony knew he was invited to go, too. She saw why the hospital hired people with special needs, and knew Tony was an asset. She would make a quick phone call to his parents to tell them the dinner plans and maybe they could pick Tony up at the restaurant. She saw him talking to Steve and was glad Tony hadn’t left. With a raised voice, she said, “Mr. Stinson told me to take all of you out for pizza. Any suggestions where we should go?” “How about Giordano’s?” Steve asked. “It’s only ten minutes away.”

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Kim glanced around at the group. “Is that okay with everyone?” Several answered that they loved Giordano’s stuffed-crust pizza. Tori grabbed her jean jacket off a chair and Ryan helped her put it on. During this first week of March, the weather had improved. Since it was close to fifty, no one was wearing heavy winter coats. Kim wore a sweater with her jeans and had left her jacket in the car. Steve, Kim and Jason rode with Eric in his van while the others went with Ryan. As Eric pulled out of the hospital’s parking garage, he said, “Thanks for asking me to work with you today.” “Hey,” Steve said, “you’re great with a hammer.” “I have to tell you that I owe you.” At the red light, Eric took his gaze off the street to glance at Steve sitting in the front. “First, you get me working out at the gym, which I haven’t done since before the accident. And it feels great doing something physical and—” “Don’t mention it. You’re doing well.” “But today was the best with building the platform.” Eric’s voice cracked as he said, “I didn’t feel disabled.” Steve patted Eric’s shoulder. “And you’re not.” Kim opened her mouth, but for once didn’t know what to say. The guys were doing a good job communicating and maybe she should just keep her mouth shut. The light turned and Eric grinned. “Well, that’s enough mushy stuff.” Kim knew there’d been some sort of misunderstanding between Janice and Eric. Maybe this was the night to get them back together. Kim got her cell phone out of her purse. “I’m going to call Janice to see if she can meet us. She’s helped me with all kinds of stuff for the fashion show.” “Don’t tell her I’ll be there. Or she won’t go,” Eric said. “Why not?” Kim asked. “I don’t know, but when I call her, she hardly talks to me.” He shrugged. “That night Tori fixed dinner, she wanted to go to a movie sometime and I said I didn’t want to because of it being a nuisance with

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my wheelchair. I keep thinking she took it the wrong way, but maybe that’s not it, either.” Guys were so dense, Kim thought, raising her eyebrows. “I think you hurt her feelings when you said you needed to set Tori straight about not being a couple.” Eric glanced in the rear view mirror at Kim. “Is that what she said?” She nodded. “I didn’t think it was good for us to get serious with me being in a wheelchair. But I’ve missed seeing her.” Kim scanned for Janice’s number on her cell phone. “You two definitely need to talk about your relationship.” Steve turned his head to look at Kim. “Babe, I’m glad you thought of it. Janice’s been so moody lately.” Kim rolled her eyes at Steve and murmured, “Men.” Janice came to Giordano’s, and Kim made sure the only empty seat was next to Eric. Janice threw her jacket over the back of the chair, and Eric’s eyes filled with warmth as she sat next to him. She looked cute in her dark blue jeans and a rose-colored cardigan set. And it was pretty neat that Janice had gotten her short hair highlighted with blond streaks yesterday. The kids, except Ryan and Tori, drank pop while the adults had wine with their pizza. Ryan and Tori drank water because, they explained, pop wasn’t any good for athletes. Kim noticed Gaby and Matt talking a lot, so she nudged Steve. After she swallowed a mouthful of pizza, she whispered, “Look at Gaby.” “That’s Ryan’s brother,” Steve said. “I know.” Now why did she think Steve would be able to read her mind? She couldn’t very well blurt out at the table what she was thinking. Although Gaby was too young to date, Matt was an attractive, younger version of Ryan. And Gaby thought Ryan was a hottie. Matt was probably a nice young man, but his brother had gotten Tori pregnant.

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And the boys’ parents had gotten married young because of Grace’s pregnancy. Parents needed to start worrying when kids hit the teenage years. She took a sip of red wine, hoping she wouldn’t wake up with a migraine in the morning. She loved red wine but sometimes she got migraines from drinking it. She leaned closer to hear what Gaby said. A yes came from her daughter’s lips. She wasn’t allowed to date yet, so it better not be that. Kim turned to look at Ryan and Tori. Since Ryan took Tori out of circulation so young, she might just tease him a little. She asked, “Ryan, you sure you don’t want to model in the fashion show with Tori? I can still get you a tux.” He shook his head. “Thanks, but I’ll pass. And we have a wrestling match on Saturday.” “Okay then. I’m sure Josh will be happy he still gets to walk Tori down the runway.” Ryan choked on his water. “What?” He frowned at Tori. “I didn’t know you were going to walk with a guy. I thought you were going down the runway by yourself. So who’s the guy?” Tori held her fork before jabbing a piece of pizza. “It’s Josh Smith.” With raised eyebrows, Ryan asked, “Who’s he?” “Remember, he was the leading scorer for the soccer team?” Ryan thought for a moment. “Yeah, I do know Josh. I’m surprised he wants to model. He seems shy.” Kim wiped her lips with a napkin. “Actually he asked if he could walk with Tori before he committed to modeling.” Ryan asked Kim, “Does Tori have to be in it?” “Ryan,” Tori said, “I get a big discount on my dress and I’m helping the hospital.” “I thought you were walking alone since I wasn’t in it, but you’re right it’s for a good cause,” Ryan said.

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“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Ryan.” Gaby ran her finger along the rim of her glass. “Tori and Josh have something in common.” “What?” Ryan asked Gaby. “They both love soccer.” “Big deal. He’s not going to try and break us up. Besides, I trust my woman,” Ryan said, chewing a mouthful of pizza. “I have a girlfriend,” Tony said. “And she’s a good kisser.” Everyone smiled at Tony’s comment. “Cool. What’s her name?” Ryan asked. “Olivia.” “Maybe you and Olivia could go with Tori and me to a movie soon.” “I’ll have to ask Olivia first,” Tony said. “And we like comedies, no violent stuff.” Since Tony worked at the hospital, Kim thought it’d be nice for him and maybe his girlfriend to do something on the day of the show. “Would you and Olivia be able to pass out programs on Saturday for the fashion show?” Tony nodded. “I can, but Olivia might have to work. She takes the tickets at the movie theater. Hey, Ryan, her boss gives her so many tickets every month. We can all go to the movie for free.” Ryan shook his head. “Sure. We can go together to see a movie, but she doesn’t need to give us tickets, you two use them. But thanks, pal.” *** Several hours later back home, Tori went quietly into the kitchen. She didn’t want her dad to know she was up again and worry about her. She’d been sick to her stomach since eating the pizza. Would a few saltines help? As she reached for the box, she heard her dad from the living room say, “Janice, we need to talk.”

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Tori didn’t move, not because she wanted to eavesdrop but because she didn’t want to interrupt what her dad had to say to Janice. She knew he’d missed seeing Janice and wanted to clear the air between them. “Yes, we do,” Janice said. “I’ve missed you.” “I’m surprised. You got upset when Tori said we made a cute couple. But after you and Steve worked out the first time, I realized why you reacted that way.” “I thought you would. I’m sorry.” “It’s okay if you want to date someone younger.” How could Janice think her dad wanted someone younger? She was the perfect age for him. They were both old and shared the same interests. “What the hell are you talking about? Why would I want to date someone younger?” “Because I’m too old for you, that’s why.” “You don’t make any sense. I’m older than you.” “I’m fifty-two,” Janice explained. “Steve told me you’re forty-seven. I thought you were opposed to being a couple because you’re younger.” “I didn’t know you were older. You certainly look much younger than your age. I’ve been afraid to have a serious relationship with you because of this stupid wheelchair. I didn’t think it was fair to you for us to become more than friends.” Janice wasn’t speaking after her dad’s last remark. Tori peeked into the living room and saw her leaning forward. “Eric Moorhead, when I see you, I don’t see a wheelchair. You’re the first man I’ve been interested in since my husband died.” “You’re the first woman I’ve wanted to be with since Elizabeth died.” “I was a little jealous you didn’t want to take me to a movie, but you had no problem working out with Steve.” Tori saw her dad take Janice’s hand in his. Well, it was about time her dad did something romantic. 224

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“I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to see how hard it is for me to get around sometimes in public places. When Steve asked me to work out with him, to tell you the truth, I was shocked.” When she saw Janice smiling at her dad, she knew these two were finally communicating. Janice said, “He said you’re doing great on some of the machines.” “I feel like a new person going to the gym with him and doing other things regular guys do and take for granted.” He frowned. “Tori wanted me to do more, but I was always so stubborn and refused because I thought I’d draw even more attention to my handicap.” She squeezed his hand. “When I first saw you, I didn’t notice your wheelchair. Your eyes mesmerized me. I’m sure you’ve been told this before, but they’re such a vibrant blue. I kept wondering if you wore blue-tinted contacts.” “No, I don’t wear contacts.” He put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against him. “I was attracted to you right away.” She laughed. “Yeah right, your eyes glowed when you heard Kim bought me a Tom Jones record.” He grinned. “Your record collection helped.” He hugged her and said, “I think we should go to a movie this weekend.” “Does that mean we’re a couple?” “Yes, it does. Since we’re a couple now, is it okay if I kiss you?” Before her lips touched his, Janice said, “I thought you’d never ask.” Tori grabbed her crackers and scooted back to her bedroom. She’d seen and heard enough of her dad taking care of his romantic business.

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Chapter Thirty-six Kim wore a white bouclé suit with black braided trim. The coat met the miniskirt and the sleeves stopped at her elbows. The fitted black top just barely covered her breasts. Since Steve was modeling, he stood backstage with her. Leaning down, he gently kissed an exposed spot on her chest. From a secluded corner she glanced to see if anyone was watching them. Good, she didn’t see a soul. Allison should be lining up all the models in the order they would go out on the runway. She wrapped her arms around him and laughed softly. “Leave it to you to take my mind completely off my job.” “It’s your fault for being so damn sexy in this suit.” He ran his hand up her leg. “And your legs are gorgeous in these shoes.” She grinned. It wasn’t the black T-strap sandals with high heels that turned him on. “You just like short skirts.” He murmured, “And other things…” Laura cleared her throat. “Gee, my publicist told me I needed to stop signing books and get my butt over here. Kim, you want me to announce that the show will be delayed?” “You wouldn’t dare.” Steve lifted his head, grinning at his sister-in-law. “I know the show must go on. I’d better go find Jason.” He winked at Kim as he walked away. Kim fingered the spot he’d just kissed. Get a grip here. Why did Steve have to turn her on right now? Laura smiled. “Sorry I broke you two lovers up.” 226

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“No, it’s fine.” Kim glanced at her watch and saw it was one forty-five. “It’s almost show time.” “Can I still go first?” Laura asked. Kim nodded while eyeing Laura’s silk suit. “You look great.” “Peter’s here.” “Is he alone?” “He’s by himself. Brenda’s old boyfriend came back to town and she’s with him.” “I take it that means Brenda and Peter aren’t together anymore.” Laura shrugged. “So he says, but I don’t trust him. He wants to come home. I told him we need some time apart.” “Good for you. Don’t make it easy on him.” Several minutes later, Kim stood on the stage behind a podium to the right of the runway. She looked at her paper with the highlighted names of the models. Gaby had used her yellow highlighter and had helped Kim a lot with the preparations for today. She turned her head to see if Laura was in place and saw that Allison stood next to her sister. After Allison gave her the thumbs up sign, Kim nodded at both women. Kim glanced at the microphone, remembering how she’d tested it an hour ago to make sure it worked. Smiling at the audience, she said into the microphone, “Good afternoon. I’m Kimberly Collins from Altman’s. Welcome to our first fashion show here at Children’s Memorial Hospital. I’m very excited to see so many here to support Altman’s efforts in raising money for medical equipment. Clothing, shoes, and accessories can be purchased in our temporary designer shop for men, women, and children here at the hospital. It will be open today and every day this next week. “Before we start with the fashions, I want to recognize a gracious lady, Mrs. Judith Harrison, who helped make this all possible. Judith, please stand.” The audience clapped loudly as Judith gave a little wave to them before sitting back down.

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Kim nodded at Laura to start walking the runway. “You might recognize our first lovely model. Popular novelist, Laura Linhardt, wore this lilac silk suit with a v-neck jacket when she autographed books today. Please notice the small white buttons accenting the jacket.” Laura fingered the buttons. “Underneath is a form-fitting v-neck top made of eyelet material.” Laura placed her hand on her hip as she turned at the end of the runway. “I love the way the skirt moves. This suit is available in black and pale pink. She’s wearing clear-band slide stiletto heels.” Kim smiled at the audience. “By the way, Laura is my younger sister. Thanks, Laura.” After the audience finished clapping, Kim nodded at Colleen. “This skirt suit is worn by Colleen and can be worn nine to five and beyond.” She turned to show the back of the suit. “The three strand white pearl necklace completes Colleen’s elegant look.” “For a change of pace, my nephew, Corey, and my nieces, Brittany and Jessie, are showing off what they might wear this summer.” Instead of having them model on the runway, she and Laura had decided to have the three children circulate among the audience. “Jessie’s sundress will be popular for a pre-teen girl or a teen. Brittany’s short set as well as Corey’s are in many sizes and colors in the temporary store in the hospital. By the way, their father, Dr. Peter Linhardt, is on staff here.” After watching the children model, she turned to glance at Steve. He winked at her. She only hoped he wasn’t planning on doing anything to embarrass her. “Here are two handsome guys wearing casual clothes for perhaps a neighborhood backyard barbecue or to pack for a relaxing vacation.” She smiled at Steve and Jason. “My son, Jason, is wearing cargo shorts and a short-sleeve camp shirt with a gray T-shirt.” What a good little model, Kim thought, as Jason put his hand on the bottom hem of his red plaid shirt and pointed to the car logo on the T-shirt. “You can layer like Jason has or the shirt can go solo.” Kim glanced at the audience. “My husband, Steve, is wearing a rayon print sport shirt.” Steve walked down the runway as Jason exited the stage. “Steve’s khaki pleated shorts have a stain-repellent finish. If your guy likes to grill out, it’s nice not to have to worry about stains. The belt 228

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loops are bar-tacked for added strength. The shorts are in big and regular sizes.” She nodded at Steve that he could exit. But he didn’t and stopped by her. What is he up to? Into the microphone, Steve said, “I’ve noticed my beautiful wife hasn’t mentioned her suit. Kim, model for the nice people.” He nudged her away from the podium. “She’s looking very sexy, don’t you think?” The audience clapped as Kim turned around, showing the back and front of the white suit. “See what I have to put up with?” Kim said when she returned to the podium. “Good-bye, sweetheart.” Steve winked at the audience. Gaby didn’t wait for Kim’s nod and started walking the runway. “Soon, we’ll be attending graduations and this afternoon, my daughter, Gaby, is modeling an exquisite ivory dress, which is reminiscent of vintage 1920’s tea length dresses. Please observe the sequined and seedbeaded detailing overlaying two ivory linings.” Gaby moved her finger along some of the beads, and Kim continued, “The drop waist gives way to an a-line skirt.” Gaby paused to give the audience time to look at her dress before turning. “Because of the wonderful workmanship and detailing, the dress is more expensive at two hundred and fifty dollars. Thank you, Gaby.” As Gaby exited the runway, Kim thought she’d have to be sure to tell her how proud she was of her. “We’ll take a five minute break before we start showing the attire for prom night.” She wanted to check on Tori. The poor child had gotten ill during rehearsal last night. Today she felt better but had looked pale before the show started. Backstage she found Tori sitting on a folding chair with Josh beside her. “How’re you feeling?” Kim asked. Tori smiled. “Okay, just tired. I think I must have had the flu. Courtney was sick yesterday, too.” “After this is over, you’d better go home and rest.” Kim glanced at Josh. He had a crush on Tori. When he’d wanted to model with her, Kim www.samhainpublishing.com

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thought that might be the case, but now she knew for sure. His eyes seldom left Tori. She was about to say something to Josh when Allison appeared. “Hi,” Allison said to everyone. Then she zeroed in on Kim. “We have models getting antsy.” Allison wore a lavender strapless gown, which brought even more attention to her beautiful violet eyes. Kim grabbed Allison’s arm. “I want you to come out with me.” “What for?” “Because you’re gorgeous, and I think it’d be neat for you to show off your evening gown.” Allison shrugged. “Okay, but I’m not walking down the runway.” “That’s fine,” Kim said as she pulled Allison onto the stage. As both women faced the audience, Allison whispered, “I’ll turn once.” Kim smiled at her and said into the microphone, “May I have your attention, please?” After a few seconds, she continued, “Since our next models are from area high schools and are wearing prom dresses and tuxes, my assistant, Allison Newman, is wearing a beautiful taffeta dress, which can be purchased for a prom dress or for a bridesmaid dress.” Allison took a slow turn. “I want to take a moment to thank Allison for all her hard work. She helped me immensely in putting this fashion show and the temporary store in the hospital together. I couldn’t have done either without her help. Please give Allison a big hand.” After Allison left the stage, Kim looked at the teenage girls in the audience. “To figure out your prom dress style, be sure to visit the store here in the hospital and also go to Altman’s main store for more selections. Think about if you want to go long or short with your prom dress. Consider what looks good on you and what reflects your true personality. We have all these exciting fashions to show you so you’ll have a memorable prom evening. Kim turned to nod at Josh and Tori. “Let’s begin now with our models, Josh Smith and Tori Moorhead.” She glanced back at the audience and said, “Josh is wearing a single-breasted tuxedo jacket with 230

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three buttons down the front. His silver vest is a popular choice and has a full back, which is nice for the guy who’ll take off his jacket during the prom.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tony and Olivia move from the back of the room to vacant seats on the end in the front, very close to the podium. She remembered how Tony seemed to think a lot of Ryan and they’d sat together during the dress rehearsal. Kim continued, “Tori’s wearing a pink lacy glitter dress. The hemline is high in the front so you can show off your legs. Notice the high-low translucent overlay in glitter lace,” Tori pointed to the front of the dress, “and lightweight tulle cascades in delicate folds over the short underslip. Her necklace looks attractive with the scoop neck front and spaghetti straps.” Tori turned at the end of the runway to show the back of her gown. Kim said, “Notice the charming ribbon lace-up back.” After a moment, Tori turned and Josh put his hand on her back, drawing her close to him. He bent down and kissed her on the lips. For a few seconds they kissed, and a photographer snapped a picture of them. The audience clapped, but Kim noticed Tony wasn’t joining in the applause. A minute later, Kim overheard Tony tell Olivia, “Ryan’s not going to like a guy kissing his girl.” Tony pulled his cell phone out of a pants pocket. She hoped he wasn’t calling Ryan. Unfortunately she realized he was when Tony’s loud voice carried to her again. “Pals stick together.”

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Chapter Thirty-seven Tori couldn’t believe Ryan already knew about the kiss. He’d listened to Tony’s message on his voice mail after his wrestling match ended and had driven straight to her house. Ryan glared at Tori. “Why did you kiss Josh back?” She felt a bit uncomfortable having this conversation with Janice in the room. “I wasn’t expecting it. I thought it’d be rude to slap his face in front of the whole auditorium of people.” When her dad entered the room, she felt relieved. “Daddy, tell Ryan how surprised I looked when Josh kissed me.” He nodded. “She looked startled when it happened.” Janice smiled at Tori and Ryan. “We’re going to a movie.” “What movie is it?” Ryan asked. “Maybe Tori and I might go with you.” “We haven’t decided yet,” her dad said quickly. Tori poked Ryan in the side. “It’s their first real date. We’re not going with them.” “It’s okay if you want to go.” Janice helped her dad with his jacket. Her dad shook his head, glancing at Janice. “Tori’s right, it’s going to be just you and me.” Tori grinned. “Make sure you two watch the movie.” Janice blushed. “Yes, Mother, we will.” Her dad wheeled over to Tori. He kissed her cheek before turning away to give a stern look at Ryan. “You two behave.” “Yes, sir.”

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Tori and Ryan said bye to the couple as they went out the door. Should she tell Ryan a photographer from the newspaper had snapped a picture of Josh kissing her? The photographer had taken a lot of pictures of all the models, so it might not even be in the paper. It didn’t need to be mentioned, she decided. “He wouldn’t have kissed you if I’d been there,” Ryan said. That was probably true. Ryan had been at the rehearsal, and Josh hadn’t kissed her last night. She rubbed her lips. “He was a good kisser, though.” Ryan stared at her. “Better than me?” She shouldn’t tease Ryan, but she couldn’t resist. “That’s a tough question.” She nibbled on her lower lip. “I’m not sure if it was thrilling because it was unexpected, or because Josh is just a better kisser than you.” Ryan grabbed her and held her tightly. He pressed his tongue deeply into her mouth. She knew Ryan was making sure she forgot Josh’s kiss. After a few moments, he stopped to lift her T-shirt over her head. He started kissing her neck and went all the way to her belly. She wiggled and wished he hadn’t turned her on. She couldn’t take much more of his touching her. He lifted his lips and gently touched her belly. “Tori, I love you and our baby. How about we get a hotel room on prom night and make love? I need you so much, honey.” “With the way I feel right now,” she moaned, “let’s not wait.” Ryan shook his head. “We can’t make love here. Did you see the way your dad looked at me before he left? It doesn’t matter you’re already pregnant. He won’t like it if I touch you again before we get married. And that’s the way my parents feel.” “I love you,” she said as Ryan pulled her T-shirt down. Tori put her head on Ryan’s chest. “I’ve been thinking about getting married, but I’m so afraid it’ll be too hard for us to juggle married life, parenting, schoolwork and you being on the football team.”

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“At least I’d always have someone to go home to. The coach might like that I’m not going out with the guys and partying.” She lifted her head to look at Ryan. “So you don’t think it’ll be too much pressure?” “I think I’ll stay focused if we’re married. If you live at home while I’m at UC, I might not be able to concentrate. I’ll miss you too much,” he grinned, “and I’ll wonder if Josh is hanging around waiting for another kiss.” “I did ask Josh why he did it.” “What did he say?” “You might not like the answer. He said he wanted to ask me out before we started dating, but he was too shy.” “So now that you’re engaged, he’s not too shy?” Tori thought for a moment. “It never hit me before because Smith is such a common name, but do you suppose he’s related to Maddie?” “She never mentioned having a cousin at our school.” “He wanted to model with me and no one else.” Ryan sat up straighter. “She used him probably because he was already crazy about you. Did she really think she could break us up by using Josh?” “We don’t know for sure if she’s related to him.” “I think Maddie needs to be told you’re carrying my baby. She’ll leave us alone then.” “Or she’ll get upset and do something crazy.” *** On Sunday, Steve, Kim, Gaby and Jason sat around the table in their breakfast nook. Kim didn’t have very much time before she had to get ready for church, but she wanted to see how much coverage the fashion show received in the paper. After she opened the Sunday Chicago Tribune

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to look in the Tempo section, she said, “Of course, this would make the paper.” “What is it?” Gaby asked. “There’s a big picture of Josh kissing Tori and underneath, it says, ‘A Prelude to the Real Thing’.” She held the paper so they could all see the picture. “Listen to this: ‘Tori Moorhead and Josh Smith made everyone in the audience at Children’s Memorial Hospital on Saturday realize what prom night is all about—romance. After the teenagers modeled formal wear in a fashion show to raise money for medical equipment, Smith pulled Moorhead to him and gave her a tender kiss’. And there’s more about how all the girls will want a dress like Tori’s and a handsome date like Josh.” “Ryan should have been in the show with Tori and—” Gaby said. “No way,” Jason said, “he’d have missed his wrestling match.” Steve put down his coffee mug. “Babe, you might want to do some damage control.” What did he expect her to do about it now? “And what would that be, hurry and buy up all the Sunday papers so Ryan won’t see it?” “I hadn’t thought of that. Call Tori so she’s forewarned before Ryan sees it.” He picked up a piece of bacon. “Maybe she can tell him that picture alone will help sell lots of prom dresses.” Gaby and Jason left the table to get ready for church. Kim took another glance at the picture while Steve answered the phone. When she realized the call was for him, she poured a cup of coffee to take with her to get dressed. Fifteen minutes later Steve joined her in the bedroom. He exhaled a deep breath. “I know you might take this hard, but I probably won’t be starting a business in Portland.” “What’s wrong?” Kim put her hand on his arm. He grinned. “John called and he wants me to come in early tomorrow morning because he wants to talk to me about buying his advertising company. He wants to retire and do other things. He thinks I’d be the best person to take over.” www.samhainpublishing.com

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“Isn’t this sudden?” “I guess he’s talked it over with his wife, Martha, for the last few months, and none of his children want to be in the advertising business. He thinks I’ll take the company in a new direction with my creative ideas.” Kim kissed him. “And he’s right.” “He said I can eventually change the company name if I want. Oh, I don’t have a clue how much money he wants, but he seems to think we can agree on a fair price.” “Gee, it sounds like we’re staying in Chicago, and I was just thinking it wouldn’t be so bad if we moved. I need to get out of this rut and have a sense of adventure and—“ “Yeah, right. You really wanted to move to Portland.” He hugged her. “I’ll give you some excitement and get you out of your boring rut. How about a quickie before Mass?” She glanced at the clock. “I guess I can forego curling my hair to make time.” “I married a generous woman.” “Maybe we should hurry and tell the kids the good news.” “They can wait, but I can’t.” He led her to their bed and smothered her with kisses. “I’m glad you can’t wait,” Kim murmured as Steve undressed her. *** Outside the bathroom door, her dad said, “Tori, Ryan’s on the phone.” She wiped her hands on a towel. “I’ll be right there.” She’d gotten up early to go pee, but she wasn’t surprised Ryan had called already. He was an early riser and had trouble waiting until she got up on weekends to talk to her.

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Her dad handed the phone to her as she left the bathroom. “After you talk to Ryan, how about some scrambled eggs?” She grinned. “I’ll scramble you some eggs.” “And we can have the muffins that Janice baked yesterday.” She put the receiver to her ear and said, “Hi.” “I’m glad you’re up. A picture of you and Josh kissing made the Tempo section in the Sunday paper. The headline sucks. It says ‘A Prelude to the Real Thing’. It makes it sound like you’ll have sex later on prom night.” “I’m sorry.” Why would the reporter write something like that? Of course, she knew why. To sell papers. She saw their Sunday edition on the kitchen table and started turning pages, looking for the article. “It’s not your fault, but I’m angry at Maddie. I found out Josh is her cousin. She might have been more subtle this time and didn’t do anything as bad as tripping you and the underwear thing, but she needs to stop interfering in our lives.” “If we get married soon, I guess that’ll take care of her bothering us.” “I think she needs to be stopped now. I’m going over to talk to her this morning and tell her about the baby. And that there’s no way she’s going to break us up.” “I’ll go with you.” “I think it’s better if I go by myself.” Although she thought he was right about telling Maddie, they hadn’t told their friends yet. And she’d wanted to show the ultrasound picture to Courtney the other day when they’d gone shopping together. “I think it’s time we let our friends know about the baby, too.”

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Chapter Thirty-eight Maddie sat on the porch swing waiting for Ryan. She stared at her foot moving the swing back and forth, thinking how surprised and thrilled she’d been when he called to say he was coming over. They needed to talk, he’d said. Had he broken up with Tori? Had her plan worked? Ever since she saw the paper with the picture of Josh and Tori kissing, she figured he knew all about it. He probably decided he didn’t want to be engaged to a slut. He sounded angry, but probably was upset about Tori. He couldn’t blame her for Tori kissing Josh. She glanced at her watch. He’d be there soon. She knew exactly how long it took to drive from his house to hers. Thank God she’d bought a hooded sweater from Old Navy yesterday. Maybe she should doublecheck her appearance to make sure she looked nice. She pulled a compact out of her jean pocket and looked to make sure there wasn’t any food in her teeth. She’d brushed them, but her stomach had growled several minutes ago, so she’d nibbled nervously on a cinnamon roll. She touched her face and was glad her make-up did a nice job of covering her freckles. She sighed. Now she just had to hope her family stayed in the house while Ryan talked to her. Her mother had giggled and said to give Ryan a kiss for her. Maddie smiled. She’d give Ryan a kiss all right, but it wouldn’t be for her mother. When she saw Ryan’s truck, she wanted to run and hug him. But no, she’d better act cool and stay on the swing. She watched him as he climbed out of the truck. Ryan was coming back to her. A twinge of guilt for Tori lasted a second, then happiness burst inside her. 238

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“Hi,” he said as he walked up the steps. She stopped swinging and patted a spot beside her. “Hi, Ryan. I’m so happy you’re here.” He stood, looking uncomfortable. Ryan must be embarrassed it took him so long to come to his senses. “I found out that Josh is your cousin.” He glared at her. “Did you tell him to be in the fashion show with Tori?” Damn, she didn’t think he’d find out they were cousins. She raised her eyebrows. “What if I did? He’s crazy about her and she kissed him back.” “Maddie, we only dated for two weeks and—” “No,” she interrupted, irritated he couldn’t remember how long they were together. “It was longer than that. It was two weeks and five days.” He shrugged. “Okay, but it still wasn’t long. I broke up with you before I met Tori. There was no ‘us’ when I met Tori.” In a gentle voice he said, “I liked you, but I never loved you.” She gripped the side porch railing. “Why are you lying about us? You kissed and touched me like you loved me.” He clenched his jaw. “You have to stop interfering in our lives. Tori’s pregnant and I love her and the baby. We’re getting married and no one is going to break us apart.” “Tori’s pregnant?” She couldn’t believe it. Ryan and Tori were going to have a baby together. He nodded. Her body went limp and her jaw dropped. Haley must not know or she would have told her about Tori’s pregnancy. “After the baby’s born, you might feel differently. I think we should stay in touch.” “Maddie, I’m sorry. But you don’t need me in your life.” How could she have been so delusional? Haley had been right when she told her Ryan was in love with Tori. “Was she pregnant when I tripped her during the game?” “Yes.” www.samhainpublishing.com

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She pressed her hand to her forehead. What a selfish brat she’d been to attack Tori. “I’m sorry I did that to your baby.” “They just did a sonogram and the baby looks fine.” “I’m glad. I won’t do anything again.” She had to know his plans. “Are you still going to college?” He nodded. “Tori’s not going to be able to play college soccer this fall, but I’m going to keep my football scholarship. I’m hoping she’ll be able to play in another year on the team at UC where I’m going.” “A child needs his father. I should know. My father left me years ago. You be sure to spend lots of time with your baby.” “I want to more than anything.” “You’ll be a good father.” “Bye, Maddie.” She swallowed hard. “I hope you and Tori will be happy together.” “Thanks.” She lifted her hand and waved as he backed out of her driveway. How could she have been so stupid to think he wanted to be with her? She stuck her hands in the front pouch of her sweater and put up the hood. Man, it felt cold, but she hated to go inside. She could just hear her mom screaming at her again for losing Ryan. Actually, he’d never been hers to lose. The front door opened and she saw with relief it was George and not her mother. “Hi, George.” He sat beside her and was quiet for several minutes. But that was okay with her. George zipped up his jacket and took leather gloves out of his pocket. “I’ve enjoyed your basketball games. You’re a great player.” “Thanks for going.” “You know how sometimes parents tell their stories about how it was when they grew up…” His voice trailed off as he looked at Maddie. “Yeah, Mom likes to tell me how popular she was.”

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“Well, I have a parent story to tell you. Is that all right with you?” he asked. Oh God, he wanted to tell her a story as if he were her real father. Her lip quivered at the realization he cared about her. “I’d like that.” “Back when I was in high school, I was in love with this pretty girl named Regina and I thought she loved me. But she broke it off with me and I wanted to die. You see, Regina was my first real love.” “I’m sorry. I know how much it hurts when the person you love doesn’t return it.” “It took me a long time to get over Regina, but I’m glad we didn’t stay together.” “Why’s that?” “Because I met this beautiful woman and knew she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.” She’d been mean to George when he’d first married her mother. Back then she had hopes her parents might get back together and thought George had ruined her life. But he’d been a father to her for the past seven years and she was sorry it’d taken her so long to realize that. “Even though she has a bratty daughter?” He patted her hand. “You’re not bratty.” “I thought having a boyfriend would solve my problem of feeling like I don’t belong. But I don’t need a boyfriend to be happy. I can have a wonderful life without a guy in it right now.” “You’re a smart girl.” George cleared his throat. “I was wondering if you could someday call me Dad?” Although she was all choked up inside, she managed to say, “I love you, Dad.” “I love you, too.” He hugged her. “Let’s go in and celebrate with hot chocolate. It’s freezing out here.”

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Funny, she didn’t mind the cold any more. She felt a warmth inside that hadn’t been there for a long time. She smiled as her dad followed her inside.

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Chapter Thirty-nine Steve was on his way back from work. His own company, and he didn’t have to move to Portland to achieve his goal. And two weeks ago, John had shown him the excellent profits from the advertising agency. To be the boss of an established agency instead of starting his own was going to be fantastic. Sure, it might have been exciting to start his company from scratch, but at the same time, it could’ve been stressful. He had some positive changes in mind for his company to give it a more upbeat, dynamic focus. Hopefully he could push the profits even higher. He was one fortunate guy, Steve thought as he drove the Lexus into the garage. After the reaction from everyone during the night of Tori’s dinner, he’d worried about uprooting his family to go clear across the country. Since Kim hadn’t had any more asthma attacks and Steve knew he had a secure future, they decided to go ahead with the tubal reversal. Today he was driving her to Dr. Larsen’s medical building to have the procedure done. With the fashion show and the clothes sold from Children’s Memorial Hospital over, Kim asked Mr. Stinson about taking a few days off for outpatient surgery. She also talked to him about reducing her hours and training Eileen to be another assistant buyer. He’d agreed to Kim’s request, but said to her, “Not for a replacement for you. I don’t want to lose you.” Steve thought it was a good thing to keep quiet at the store that she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. She could wait to tell Stinson. She was having mixed emotions about leaving Altman’s completely. He wanted her to be happy, so whatever she decided, he would be supportive. But one thing he knew for sure: he didn’t want her away too

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much on any buying trips. He loved her being home more. Life with a relaxed Kim was heaven to him. She wanted another baby and if she got pregnant, he knew she’d want to quit her job then. With them staying in Chicago, financially they should be okay even with him buying John’s company. Having a child at age forty wasn’t a worry since Dr. Larsen had convinced him it wasn’t too old. Like Kim, he was looking forward to getting this tubal reversal done and trying to get pregnant. Hey, that’ll be the fun part. But what if she didn’t conceive? He went into the house. After he entered the kitchen, Janice said, “Hi. Kim’s upstairs getting ready to leave.” “Thanks. How’s Eric?” “He’s great,” Janice said, smiling. “I’m glad you’re keeping him busy. Eric and I haven’t been able to work out the last few days.” Steve left the kitchen and hurried up the stairs. Kim wore pants with an elastic drawstring waist and a T-shirt since the scheduling nurse had told her to wear loose fitting clothes. She sat on the bed talking on the phone. He bent over and kissed her cheek. “Judith, I have to go. Steve’s here now. Thanks, I promise I’ll call you. Bye.” “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your phone call.” “We need to go soon anyhow.” She pulled on a pair of socks and glanced at him. “Judith said you remind her of Dan, her late husband.” “Why’s that?” He remembered Kim saying how Judith had quit her job so she could take care of her ill husband. He had died a year later. “Because of your charming personality.” “I knew there was a reason I liked Judith when you introduced us.” Steve grinned. “She has good taste.” “Actually it’s because you tried to embarrass me by making me model during the fashion show. She said Dan was always a tease. I like Judith.

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I talked to her the other day at lunch about wanting to have my own clothing store someday.” He was a little surprised. “I bet she didn’t like to hear that since she likes the clothes you sell at Altman’s.” “Actually she needs something to do since Dan died and she doesn’t want to go back to her old job.” Kim stood in front of the mirror and brushed her hair. “Besides, she’s loaded and doesn’t need to work.” He raised his eyebrows and stood next to her. “What are you saying? You two are going to open a store together?” “Maybe, but we were just talking about it for now. It might not even happen.” In the past when Kim thought of something she wanted, it didn’t take her long to accomplish it. And with Judith conspiring with her, a store might happen while he was trying to get used to the idea. “I guess you’re both thinking of a small store?” A very small store, he hoped. Kim nodded. “She’d put up the money and I’d provide the experience in choosing what to buy.” Kim set down the brush and smiled at Steve. “Don’t worry. She knows you’re busy now buying John’s agency. And I told her about wanting a baby.” “If you think it’d work for you two to be business partners, I’m all for it.” He hugged her. “But I don’t want you to be gone too much.” “Never again.” She kissed him. “Thanks for being so understanding about everything.” “Any time, babe.” She picked up her handbag. “Even if I don’t get pregnant, I’m still glad I’m having the reversal. My periods have been heavier and longer since I had my tubes tied. And I’ve had such bad cramps, too, but after today I’m hoping that’ll change.” He nodded. “Just to have normal periods and better health makes having this reversal worthwhile.” Kim said, “I guess we’d better go.” Over her shoulder she said, “Oh, I checked my e-mail while you were at work, and Tori sent a poem Ryan

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wrote about their baby. It’s so touching. I don’t think they’ll be able to give the baby up for adoption.” “We’ll have another child. You have a high chance of getting pregnant.” He grinned. “With my potent sperm, you might get pregnant with twins.” “That’s not how you get twins.” “Well, on our way, you can give me a lesson on the reproductive system and how it decides on the number of babies.” She rolled her eyes. “Sure, Daddy Collins.” *** Tori looked in the hallway mirror so she could stick a tiara in her hair. All the girls on court were to wear tiaras. She was excited that she and Ryan had both been elected to the prom court. “You look beautiful,” her dad said, wheeling in for a closer look. “I wish your mother could see you.” Tori planted a kiss on his forehead. “Me, too. I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately. I remember all the fun we had together… We were so close.” “You know I’ll always love your mother.” There’d been no greater love than those two had for each other. But it’d been seven years since she’d died and her dad needed someone else in his life, especially with her leaving him eventually to marry Ryan. “Mom would want you to be happy and I think she’d like Janice.” He nodded. “Janice makes me forget I’m in a wheelchair.” “I keep wondering what Mom would say to me about being pregnant.” “You probably wouldn’t be pregnant if she’d lived.” Tori gave him a puzzled look. “Why do you think that?” “She’d have done a better job at giving you the abstinence talk.” “Oh, Daddy, it’s not your fault.” She put her hands on his wheelchair. “We need to talk.” 246

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Tori pushed her dad into the kitchen and, after she got a glass of water for herself, she poured him a cup of coffee. He ran his finger over his lower lip. “I have a feeling you want to talk about your future.” “Yeah, it’s about my baby.” She sat next to him. “At first I thought the best scenario was for Kim and Steve to be the parents, then Kim almost died from an asthma attack, then Steve wants to move to Portland, then he changed his mind but now Kim’s had a reversal and—” “But they said it makes no difference whether Kim gets pregnant or not, they still want to adopt your baby. And remember Janice mentioned Patti can’t have any more children and she’s interested in adopting, too.” He sipped his coffee while she stared at him for a moment. “Daddy, I want to keep my baby.” “If that’s what you want and think it’s best for the baby, then I’ll help you like I said before. You can stay home and go to college here. You and Ryan can see each other during breaks.” She squeezed his hand. “Thanks. I talked to the soccer coach at University of Cincinnati and she might be able to give me a spot on the team in a year.” “So you aren’t going to see if you could go a year late to UNC?” She shook her head. “I’m sure I can’t get my scholarship there again. I’m sorry I disappointed you, but I’m actually relieved. I wasn’t crazy about being so far away from you. Cincinnati is only five hours of driving time from here.” He grinned. “This is unbelievable. I never wanted you to go to North Carolina. It’s fourteen hours from here so I knew I’d have to fly and I wasn’t crazy about doing that. I can easily drive to Cincinnati.” “But I thought you wanted me to go to UNC?” “I just wanted it because you’re so great at soccer and thought you’d love playing on their team.” She shrugged. “I did want it for a long time, but now I think it might have been too stressful. Players are expected to be the best at all times.”

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“Will you be able to get a scholarship to play soccer at UC?” “The coach thinks so. Ryan and I went on the Internet and found articles on student-athletes who are married. We aren’t sure when we’ll get married, but probably sometime during our college years.” “I’m glad you’re waiting.” “See, we won’t be the only young married college couple. We found out that marriage between college athletes is getting more common. And in some cases, both spouses are athletes. They said it was hard, but it helps since both know what it’s like to have to go to long practices.” “That’s a good point.” “There’s one thing I’m worried about. We noticed the couple’s sports weren’t the same season. For example, one woman plays volleyball and another wife plays soccer. When their seasons end, their husbands start the basketball seasons.” He winked. “I guess you could switch to basketball so you and Ryan won’t both have fall sports.” She smiled, knowing he always loved her basketball games the most since that was his sport in high school. “You’d like that. I’m sticking with soccer.” She sighed. “I probably can get a babysitter and it’d only be for a few months.” “Did any of the couples have babies?” She nodded. “Yes, and one has twins. But I don’t think any of the couples with children were both athletes.” Janice entered the kitchen carrying a camera and Ryan followed her. “I was glad to see Ryan pulling in after me. I was afraid I had missed you two.” “I wouldn’t have left before you got here.” Tori stood. “How do you like my dress?” “I liked the dress you wore for the fashion show,” Janice said, “but you look especially beautiful in this one.” Ryan grinned. “That’s because I helped her pick this one. Tori looks so pretty in light blue.”

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“I love the simple lines of this dress. The other one made me look heavier.” At five months pregnant, she did have a fuller figure. “It’s good for me that our prom is early.” Janice nodded. “Having it in April is early, but I noticed several other schools are having theirs this weekend, too.” After Ryan put a corsage of white sweetheart roses on Tori’s wrist, Janice said, “I want to take your picture before you leave.” As the couple smiled, her dad asked with a straight face, “Hey, Ryan, are you worried about Josh getting King if Tori gets Queen?” “I covered that with Tori.” He turned from the camera to look at her. “I asked her not to kiss Josh. But one dance with him is fine.” None of the students were surprised when Ryan Stafford was crowned King and Victoria Moorehead was crowned Queen. Earlier in the week, rumors had circulated throughout the high school that the popular couple would be the elected royalty. Tori beamed at Ryan as they danced after being crowned. He whispered, “I’d love to make out with my Queen.” “I don’t know if that’s a duty of a new Queen.” Ryan grinned. “I’m sure it is.” She didn’t answer because of the strange vibrations she felt right below her belly button. It was like butterflies fluttered inside her. Suddenly she realized she was feeling her baby’s movement for the first time. Well, that was something, having it happen during their dance as Queen and King. She gave Ryan a broad smile. “The Queen has a surprise for you when we get off the dance floor.” She didn’t know if he’d be able to feel it or not, but she wanted him to put his hand on her belly and share this priceless moment with her.

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Epilogue Over a Year Later… The telephone rang and Kim picked it up when she saw Judith was with a customer. “Hello, thank you for calling Judith Collins, Inc. May I help you?” “Hi, it’s Tori. How’s the Grand Opening?” “We’ve had a steady flow of customers. I’m glad we waited until June. Gaby’s out of school and a big help. In fact, she’s pouring coffee right now.” She glanced at her oldest daughter smiling and chatting with several women. “Or I should say Gabrielle. She informed me today that she no longer wants to be called Gaby.” They had a table set up with plates of cookies, coffee, pop and iced tea for their opening. At Gaby’s insistence, they’d included an assortment of pop for the teenage shoppers. When they’d placed orders for the junior section, Gaby had told them what would sell to teenage girls. Her selections of jeans, capris and tops with lace sold quickly. Her daughter had been right on target since their sales to the young people were already substantial. If this kept up, Gaby would want a commission. “That’s cool,” Tori said, “your first day is a success.” “And Mrs. Stinson came in the store and bought a dress.” Tori giggled. “So much for her loyalty to Altman’s and her husband.” A shopper walked by munching on a cookie and Kim got a whiff of cinnamon. “I almost grabbed one of Janice’s cookies out of a customer’s hand. I’ve resisted so far because I haven’t lost all my weight from being pregnant with Emma.”

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“What kind of cookie?” “It was a big snickerdoodle. And she baked chocolate chip, M & M and oatmeal. Oh, her frosted sugar cookies went fast.” “I hope I don’t miss anything in Andrew’s development. I can just see him taking his first step or something while I’m on the beach.” Kim walked back to their office to check on three-month-old baby Emma. She was in a cradle in the corner of the back room. Judith had cried when Kim asked her to be Emma’s godmother. She’d always wanted children, but hadn’t gotten married until she was forty and hadn’t been able to get pregnant. Emma was awake and Kim held her tiny hand. “You aren’t going to be gone that long. You won’t miss any big milestones in Andrew’s development. You and Ryan need some alone time. Hold on for a sec, I need to put the phone down and pick up Emma.” After she got situated in the rocking chair and held Emma with one arm, she used her other hand to press the receiver to her ear. “How’s the Mexican Riviera?” A few days ago, Ryan and Tori had left on a belated honeymoon. Eric had made all the arrangements for them and enjoyed paying for their getaway. They were at a resort called El Dorado Royale located on secluded Punta Brava Beach. In December, after football season and the fall quarter at University of Cincinnati had ended, Ryan and Tori had gotten married. Before winter quarter started, Ryan moved out of the dorm and they found an apartment. Since Tori had been breastfeeding little Andrew, they’d delayed their honeymoon until June. “I miss Andrew, but at the same time I’m glad to spend time alone with Ryan.” “Andrew loves all the attention he’s getting from his grandparents. And Grandpa Eric is planning a big birthday party for both of them. I still can’t believe Andrew arrived on Eric’s birthday.” “No one could believe I had him exactly on the due date.” “Enjoy this week, you two deserve it.” Kim knew practices would start soon for both soccer and football. Since Tori had taken only a few www.samhainpublishing.com

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courses last school year, she had a full college load to look forward to plus playing college soccer for the first time. “Ryan just came back with our drinks and he wants me to tell you ‘hi’. And I have to tell you he loves the bikini you gave me.” Kim laughed. “I bet he does.” “Give Emma a kiss for me. I’d better go, and congratulations to you and Judith on your new store. And, Kim, I love you.” “I love you, too.” “You saved my life…and Andrew’s. I can’t imagine not having him.” Her voice quavered. “I’d better get off or I’m going to start crying.” After Kim said good-bye and put the cordless phone on the desk, she pulled up her top and unfastened her nursing bra. “I see you gnawing on your little hand. Mommy’s going to feed you.” Emma hungrily latched onto her breast, and Kim gazed with love at her daughter. Earlier, customers had fussed over Emma and said how sweet she looked in her pink dress with a smocked bodice. They loved her pink leather shoes, too. Things had changed since the crash almost a year and a half ago, Steve’s agency had thrived under his leadership. He loved being the boss of his own company. Judith and Kim forged a partnership after becoming friends. Kim had the luxury of working part-time while Emma was little, and Judith had insisted her kids were always welcome in their store. Then there was Tori and Ryan. Against all odds they’d decided to get married and raise Andrew. Now in college and playing sports, they were determined to get their degrees. She believed with her whole heart their marriage would stand the test of time. And her marriage…her family. Her eyes filled with tears. Since the day the plane crashed, her life had improved. She’d prayed she’d be a better wife and mother if she survived… Her thoughts stopped at the sound of footsteps on the hardwood floor. Raising her head, she saw Steve. He looked handsome in his dress pants. His eyes were as blue as his shirt. He always took her breath away.

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Never the Same

“Hi. I left work early to see how it’s going. Looks like you’re on a break here.” He kissed Emma’s hand before brushing his fingers under Kim’s eyes. “What’s with the tears?” “Tori called and reminded me how I saved her life and Andrew’s the day the plane crashed. I started thinking how wonderful our life is now since I changed.” “And you were the reason I changed. I needed to get my act in gear.” He grinned as she detached Emma from her breast. “Your naked breasts are turning me on.” She smiled back at him. “Everything turns you on.” “I thought you had big breasts before, but now they’re incredible.” She nodded as she put Emma on the other breast to nurse. “I know, I went up two cup sizes.” Steve sat on a small sofa. “I’m proud of you. The store looks great.” “That reminds me. I have some good news. Mom wants to help out in the store, so I can take care of Emma whenever I need to. She starts tomorrow.” Her mother had surprised her when she’d suggested this, but since Emma’s birth, they didn’t get on each other’s nerves as much and had actually enjoyed spending time together. He raised his eyebrows. “What does your dad think of that?” “He said it’s okay with him as long as she can take time off in the winter to go to Florida with him.” “Eric asked me today to be his best man.” She grinned. “Well, that’s no surprise. When Janice asked me to be matron of honor, she said he was going to ask you when you two worked out this morning.” “Pretty neat we get to walk down the aisle together.” Emma had fallen asleep. Kim carefully leaned over the railing and put her in the cradle. “I hope you’re not planning on throwing a wild bachelor party for Eric.” He shook his head. “Of course not. Janice wouldn’t approve.”

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She knew her husband and was sure that wouldn’t stop him from having some kind of celebration with Eric before the wedding took place. He’d probably invite the guys from Eric’s office, Ryan, her dad, her brothers and maybe Peter to the bachelor party. Since Laura and Peter had gone through counseling to save their marriage, all of the family was trying to forget Peter’s adultery. But it was hard. “I noticed you shut the door on your way in. Any special reason?” “I think you know the reason.” “I was hoping you’d say that.” She smiled. “But remember, there’s a roomful of people on the other side.” Both were on the sofa when he pulled her into his arms. After they kissed, Kim said, “I knew you didn’t come just to see the store.” “And here I wanted to surprise you.” “Oh, you always surprise me,” she said as he unfastened her bra.

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About the Author Diane Craver resides in Ohio and enjoys her life with her husband, Tom, and six children, Sara, Christina, April, Bartholomew, Emily and Amanda. Diane was a teacher before starting a family. To learn more about Diane Craver, please visit www.dianecraver.com.

Look for these titles by Diane Craver Now Available: A Fiery Secret No Greater Loss

While investigative reporter Catherine Steel looks for Mr. Right, she tries to learn if someone murdered the janitor from her old high school.

A Fiery Secret © 2006 Diane Craver Catherine Steel is an investigative reporter for a newspaper in Ohio. To supplement her income so that she can buy clothes and gifts for her small godchild, she writes fluff pieces for women’s magazines. Two recent articles are: “What To Wear to Get Noticed” and “Catherine’s Ten Simple Dating Rules.” When Jake Michaels fills a sports editor’s spot on the paper, Catherine wonders if he is man enough to fulfill her fantasy. And does she want him to be the one? After all, he broke her heart ten years ago in high school when he failed to show up for their prom date. And now that he’s back in town, he wants to date her. Catherine refuses to go out with him but he keeps asking. Should she give Jake another chance? When it appears the high school janitor, Max, was murdered, Catherine is determined to learn the truth about his death. Catherine’s list of suspects for Max’s death include: the school secretary with her intense dislike of Max, the charismatic mayor, the mayor’s unbalanced girlfriend, the angry school principal, and a strange math teacher. Enjoy this excerpt from A Fiery Secret: On Friday morning, I sat at my desk, wearing my favorite pair of jeans with a raspberry-colored, single-button shrug sweater and a white top underneath. The vibrant raspberry was enough to brighten anyone’s work day. While leaving my apartment, I‘d slipped on a comfortable pair of loafers and was happy to leave the stiletto heels at home. My feet needed a break from walking back and forth in high heels in front of Jake. I wondered if he’d miss me wearing a short skirt today. I didn’t have to wonder for long.

“Are you working on your romance article?” Jake said, standing next to me. I turned away from the monitor screen to see him grinning at me. He wore jeans and a shirt with the Bengals’ Tiger logo on it. I shook my head. “No, I’m finishing up the interview I did with Mr. Jansen last night about his new poetry book.” My eyes widened as I gazed at Jake. “I guess the Bengals didn’t sign you.” “Even if they could add me to their roster mid-season, I couldn’t leave the newspaper and miss seeing you parade up and down the hallway to get your water.” “I better get a water bottle so I don’t distract you from your work.” “I like the distraction.” He leaned closer. “And you look great in jeans and that…” He stopped to take a better look at my shrug. “That little sweater and tight top.” Glancing down at my chest, I said, “It’s not tight, just slightly fitted.” “How’s the absent Ricardo? Is he going to make an appearance at the Halloween party?” It was time to tell Jake that a Spanish girl had taken Ricardo’s love away from me. No, I couldn’t say that. It wouldn’t be wise to mention I was jilted for another woman. And actually I wasn’t, since I broke up with Ricardo first, but still I hadn’t anticipated him finding someone to take my place in his heart. This stretching the truth a little bit—okay, a lot—was making my life too stressful. I looked Jake straight in the eye. “We broke up.” His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “I’m sorry.” “I don’t like speaking Spanish anyway.” “Doesn’t he speak English?” I nodded. “It was a joke. Ricardo speaks better English than I do. But his family talks in Spanish most of the time.” I wondered if Anita realized what a great family she was marrying into. Probably not. “You better still come to the party.” That’s all he had to say. What happened to hitting on me and asking me out for tonight? It was Friday,

after all, and I was definitely free now. “I’ll be there. Have you talked to Brian? Is everyone going to McFadden’s tonight?” He shrugged. “I haven’t heard. But I’m leaving this weekend to cover the World Series.” This was why being a couple would never work for us. One of us would always have a story to cover, but still it was funny that he wasn’t all over me. What happened to him trying to convince me to give him another chance? It couldn’t just be because he was leaving for the World Series. I mean, he could’ve mentioned going out for a drink before he left. That was it. We could go out for a nice drink after work, and it’d be fun to be the one to suggest it. “Let’s go out for a drink tonight.” He shook his head. “I don’t think that’s wise.” I tapped my fingers on the desk. “What’s going on here? You just said the other day how much you wanted to go out with me and I could even stand you up since I missed the prom. Then we’d move on. What gives?” His expression grew serious. “I think the biggest mistake single women and men make is to bounce from one relationship to the next without evaluating what went wrong. I know you really don’t want to use me to help you get over Ricardo. And I don’t want you to date me on the rebound. That’s unfair to both of us. My policy is to wait a month after a breakup before I date someone new.” “So you want to give me a month after my breakup with Ricardo before we date?” “Or longer.” Now that Jake knew I was available, he wanted to wait before going out with me. Unbelievable. When I decided to take a chance on him, he was indifferent. I thought there were sparks between us, so why was he pulling back? He was only interested in the chase. That had to be it. That was what I’d feared. Something wasn’t right here and I thought for a moment, giving Jake a weak smile. Then it hit me how his words sounded so familiar. Shit, he

was playing me. His whole rebounding theory was taken from my magazine article, “Catherine’s Ten Simple Dating Rules”. I glared at him. “You read my dating article.” He grinned. “I thought you’d catch on. And a drink tonight sounds good.” It turned out to be more than a drink.

Mudpacks, murder, deceit, betrayal and tattoos—how much can a friendship sustain without cracking?

La Bella Luna © 2007 Bobbie Cole Try telling your best friends that your husband is leaving you for another man, or that you’ve slept with one of their husbands and have borne his child. Better yet, let them know you’ve just committed murder or that you’re dying. Ann, Eazy, Merry and Leta Lou—all four of the Oklahoma City socialites, having spent years merely scratching the surface of their friendship, are thrust into an emotional tornado and left with the devastating ruins of aftermath as the secrets they’ve kept surface. Ann wants to help them rediscover their dreams, but before she can do that, she must first destroy their illusions. Money can’t buy happiness, forgiveness, or peace, but it can sure make life…and death…a lot more interesting. Enjoy the following excerpt for La Bella Luna: “It’s a freakin’ follicular holocaust every damn time I get my eyebrows waxed,” Eazy said as Merry spread herself on the table covered with butcher paper, prepared for the worst. “You’re nuts to do this, you know.” They’d all gathered around to watch since none of them had subjected themselves to this particular torturous procedure. Leta Lou stood over Merry to the left, her face encased in mud; Eazy stood to her right, and Ann at the foot of the table like a priest giving last rites. “Merry, tell me you at least took a couple of painkillers before coming in here,” Ann said. “I did.” Leta Lou looked queasy. “I’m gonna faint just thinking about this.”

Pam, the wax tech came into the room and stared at the others. “You should’ve brought popcorn and soft drinks if you intended to watch. This takes a while.” Then she looked at Merry. “I’ve never done this with an audience. You sure you want them in here?” “Oh, why not?” Merry joked. “Not like they’ve never seen one of these before.” “Well, I haven’t seen yours,” said Eazy. “Then why are you in here?” Ann asked her. “I know you’ve been celibate since God was a Corporal, but you’re not going to tell me at this stage of life that you’re…you know…into women?” “Screw you—you asked me to come in here! Besides, I’m curious. And I don’t see you leaving.” Pam left and returned with her wax wand and a container of what looked like steaming glue. “Last chance to bail out on me.” “They call this ungodly wax paper you’re laying on butcher paper for a reason,” Eazy said, unrelenting in her quest to sway Merry to change her mind. “Have you ever had a Brazilian?” Pam asked. “No.” Merry shook her head, her hand on the paper sheet they’d covered her with, ready to lift it if requested. She had no idea of the protocol when exposing one’s privates to another woman…even in a business sense. “But I looked it up on the internet and read about it.” “Then just lie back. Keep your hands to your sides—don’t want you reaching out to grab me,” Pam joked. “I’ll take care of everything.” Merry kept her eyes boldly trained on her friends, waiting for one of them to flinch when Pam peeled the paper back and rested it against her stomach, so only the lower half of her body was exposed. Leta Lou didn’t disappoint Merry. “Good God, Merry! That thing doesn’t need to be waxed—it needs to be mowed.”

“I tried to tell you on the way over here,” Merry said. “And for your information, I’ve already trimmed part of it. Not my fault the rest of you probably look like you’re five years old.” The first of the steaming goo smacked her crotch, and they all gasped as if they were the ones in pain. “Shitshitshitshitshit!” Eazy chanted, hanging onto Ann’s arm while Ann cackled. “I can’t watch this,” Leta Lou said, holding her hands over her eyes. “I’ve had a wax job—the scary part isn’t the pasting but the ripping off after it starts drying. It’s like concrete.” ”So we’ll just jack-hammer it off.” Pam waved the wand as she chatted. “Satisfied?” Merry made a face at her friends. “What happens next?” Eazy asked. “We wait for the wax to dry. Then, as Pam said, it gets ripped off.” “R-ripped?” Eazy stammered. “R-r-r-r-ripped!” Merry said almost gleefully. She was tired of the hassle of trimming the mess herself. And for the past few days she’d begun to feel like an alien in her own body—she wanted something different, and this was just a start. Maybe a clitoral piercing next or something equally painful and intriguing. She winced at the thought that the only sexual stimulation that seemed to get through to her involved pain. Not good, not good, not good. But there it was. Leta Lou shuddered and went to get the mud removed so she could get her facial. “You’ve given me an idea for our next get-together, Merry,” Ann said, grinning. “Oh, yeah?” Merry asked. Eazy snorted loudly. “No way, no way!”

“Not waxing, Eazy,” Ann said, elbowing her in the ribs. “But where’s your sense of adventure? Here Merry is paving the way for us to try something different.” “The only thing she’s paving is a narrow landing strip for a small airplane,” Eazy said. “Damn, but that’s gotta burn!” Pam applied the cloth to Merry’s mound, whistling a Disney tune as she worked. She paused, looked up. “Unless you’d like to see Miss Merry here with her twat up in the air…” “Okay, that’s it for me!” Ann said, waving goodbye and leaving for the herbal wrap room. Eazy, however, remained and delivered one last prediction. “You’re going to walk like a bow-legged bull rider for the next month, and you won’t be able to have so much as a sheet touch you there, so I don’t know how you expect to put your clothes back on for the remainder of the day.” Pam told Merry to brace herself and grasped the corners of a section of the drying wax. When Merry bit back a scream, Eazy nearly passed out. “You have serious issues, Merry.” *** Blood dripped into Merry’s eyes as she sat on her kitchen floor, trying to monitor her thoughts just long enough to keep sane. She could barely breathe for the pressure in her stomach and ribs, the ungodly pain in her arms and the horrendous ringing in her ears. Paul lay on his back, blood pooling around his head, his legs and arms akimbo, his eyes open. Well, one of them. The other was God knew where in the murky mess that had once been his head. She’d finally pushed him over the edge. And now their dinner was ruined. And such a good dinner at that. A meatloaf that would never get baked, a carrot cake that…

Think, Merry, think. There are more important things than dinner. What day is this? Friday. Spa day…and Ann is coming home. I’m supposed to be at Ann’s tonight, not fixing dinner for Paul. Hair color down the sink? Check. One pair of latex gloves coated in raw hamburger in trash? Check. She looked down at the cheap, plastic cape draping her front and the second pair of latex gloves coating her fingers. She had to remain awake long enough to dispose of them. Katie whined, alerting her that the blonde lab would most likely wind up tracking blood all through the house from the brick-tiled kitchen to the white-carpeted bedrooms upstairs. “Go,” Merry managed to croak. “Go, Katie—go on!” She wanted desperately to hug Katie, to lean against the beloved pet and let her puppy breath and warm body bring her back to a sweeter quality of life. But Merry had to get to her purse. She tore at the cape and gloves, balling them into her one good fist, the other hand swollen and throbbing with pain. The bad wrist gave beneath her when she tried putting weight on it, making her scream in pain, forcing her to remain on the floor. Tears that had hidden behind a wall of shock burst and flooded her, leaving her gasping for air. She had to get to that purse sitting on a credenza in the entry. She had to. Painfully, she inched her way from the kitchen to the front of the house, using the one good hand that still clutched the cape and gloves, propelling herself forward using her legs and bare feet, dragging her ravaged body with ragged, jerky movements, all the while blinded by blood and fighting the urge to pass out. The doorbell rang as she reached the table and grasped the necessary purse. The pup barked furiously, running from Merry to the door and the door back to Merry. Her paws tugged the half-open door open, and the man outside holding the package of books Merry had ordered peered through the glass storm door. “Hey!” the deliveryman called. “You all right in there?”

Merry couldn’t answer, couldn’t even lift her one good hand and wave at him. She felt her body going into shock, trembling, unable to respond to the brain’s commands. Sweet Jesus, please…let me think. The .38 still in Paul’s hands? Check. None of my fingerprints on the gun? Double-checked.

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