Dedication
Thanks to J&V for the inspiration, and to Danielle and Ailene for editorial prowess.
Dedicated to everyone who‟s ever told me to “write more, dammit!”
Model Student | Shae Connor 3 Model Student
“OKAY, turn to the left…. Shift your left leg that way too…. Yeah, that‟s great. Hold it, hold it….” Aaron Stevens bit back a yawn and tried not to blink too often. Strong eyes, sexy pout, slight slouch. After two years of this, he could almost do it in his sleep, which was good, considering he was a half step away from dozing off. One too many late nights in a row plus a last-minute call for this shoot added up to one very, very groggy model. “Okay!” The photographer, Owen, lowered his camera and pointed at his assistant. “Last setup, guys. Let‟s get moving.” Aaron sighed and walked over to the small wardrobe area to his left, peeling off his jacket. He shot a tired smile at the wardrobe assistant, Aimee, and stepped behind the screens set up to provide him with a tiny bit of privacy. Not that it mattered. Models at every level learned quickly that modesty was a hindrance. Catalog work like this might not compare with high fashion, but after the first time he‟d posed in a thong, Aaron got past being shy on the set. Thankfully, today was about fall suits, not skimpy underwear. He shucked off the navy blue pin-striped slacks and exchanged them for the cuffed gray ones hanging next on the rack, checking himself in the full-length mirror as he zipped up. Deep blue eyes stared back at him, and as he often did, he considered his features: strong jawline, slightly
Model Student | Shae Connor 4 too-large nose, wide mouth, clear but imperfect skin. His dark brown wavy hair had been styled into a smooth, professional look to match his clean-shaven face. He knew he wasn‟t bad-looking by any means, but he sometimes wondered why everyone else seemed to think the disparate parts he saw added up to a near-perfect whole. He shook off his thoughts. No time for navel-gazing when he had a job to do. White long-sleeved dress shirt and black dress shoes, a quick touchup from hair and makeup, and he was back in front of the camera, flipping the gray suit coat up over one shoulder as instructed. A sudden flurry of voices near the doorway caught his attention for a second, and he cursed his lack of concentration when Owen sighed. “Sorry,” he said, sliding back into position. “Not a problem,” Owen said. “Long day for everyone. Just a few more and we can get out of here.” “Great.” Aaron pictured his bed and tried not to grin in relief at the thought. He had the next day free and planned to spend it sleeping late and doing as little as possible. An unfamiliar face came into his line of vision. Two of them, actually—a short redhead and a taller blond, both men who looked around his age. Anyone who worked in the industry learned quickly to judge both ages and sizes quickly, and Aaron was no exception. Given a closer look and a few more minutes, he could probably come up with their clothing and shoe sizes too. The redhead spoke to the photographer‟s assistant, Annie, and she shot him a quick smile and nodded. The boys stepped back a few feet, the redhead watching Owen.
Model Student | Shae Connor 5 The blond, on the other hand, chose to watch Aaron. Aaron refocused on the camera. He tucked his hands into his pockets, tilted his head back, parted his lips. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other between frames, turned his head to the right, tilted it back down. As far as Aaron could tell without looking at him directly, the blond guy never moved an inch, never stopped staring at Aaron. Even though he didn‟t always understand it, Aaron knew he had a certain look that worked for some people, a body that wore clothes well. Making his living off that didn‟t stop him from feeling gawky and out of place a lot of the time, like the teenager he‟d been until a few months earlier. Still, he was getting used to stares, used to people watching him. He wasn‟t used to this kind of scrutiny. The blond wasn‟t a photographer, didn‟t seem to be scouting him for a job, wasn‟t in the audience at a runway show. This man seemed to be studying him like a puzzle he couldn‟t figure out, like he was trying to see right through his skin and into his soul. Aaron was unnerved. He tried not to let it show. “Okay, we‟re done! Thanks, everyone! Great job, Aaron!” Owen set the camera aside for the last time, and the various assistants in the room broke into a smattering of applause. Aaron relaxed, smiled, and headed over to wardrobe one last time, more than ready to exchange the suit for his own clothes.
Model Student | Shae Connor 6 “Excuse me.” Aaron had the jacket off and was just reaching for the fly on the pants when the voice came from behind him. He turned and was faced with the blond man. Wow, he thought as he got his first good look at the creamy skin, sculpted features, expressive green eyes. Maybe I had this all wrong. He must be a model too. “Hi,” Aaron said. “Can I help you?” The man held out a hand. “Matt Carson,” he said, and Aaron reached out automatically. They both froze at the contact, gazes locked. Aaron sucked in a breath. Wow. Oh wow. Matt laughed, a short, nervous sound. “Um, yeah,” he said, not letting go of Aaron‟s hand. “Um, I‟m a journalism student at Columbia, and I‟m working on a project. I was wondering if you might be able to ask… help me out?” His words were rushed, like he was trying to push them out before he lost his nerve. Aaron looked down at their joined hands. “Project?” Matt seemed to jump a little and released Aaron‟s hand. Aaron fought off an urge to grab it back. “Yeah, project,” Matt said, and Aaron shifted his gaze back to Matt‟s face. “I‟m putting together a feature piece on some of the high-profile jobs in New York, but I‟m trying to find some, well, kind of less than obvious choices. My friend Jamie”—he nodded toward the redhead—“interns with Owen part-time, and he told me you‟re a film student. Directing?” “Yeah,” Aaron said. “NYU.” He shifted. “You mind if I change out of these clothes? I‟ll be glad to talk to you about this—”
Model Student | Shae Connor 7 “Oh! Oh, sorry, yeah, please, go ahead,” Matt said, blushing. “I‟ll just… I‟ll wait over there.” He pointed at the gathering of chairs near the door and shot Aaron a smile. Aaron couldn‟t help but return it, even if he didn‟t think he‟d be able to articulate why. Aaron slipped back behind the screens and changed quickly, pulling back on his jeans and T-shirt and sliding his feet into his sneakers. He sat down to untangle and retie the laces and used the chance to look over at Matt from under his lashes. Matt sat bent over in the chair in a similar position to Aaron‟s, but he was digging into a backpack at his feet, his tongue sticking out from the corner of his mouth. His hair fell across his forehead in tangled strands. He wore a vee-neck sweater, faded jeans, and sneakers, but his shoes were better suited for basketball than for running, like Aaron‟s were. Aaron knew he was checking Matt out. Not that long ago, he would‟ve denied it, run from the very idea. That was then; this was now. Shoes tied, Aaron stood, grabbed his jacket, and walked toward Matt. He tried to push down the nerves nipping at his insides. He might be able to exude sex appeal in front of a camera, but that rarely carried over into real life. Not when he actually wanted to be himself, at least, and right now, that was what he wanted more than anything. Well, maybe not more than he wanted to spend more time talking to Matt. Matt looked up at him as he approached, then stood. “Hi,” Matt said, grinning.
Model Student | Shae Connor 8 “Hi,” Aaron replied. “Ready now.” He half smiled. “You want to get some coffee?” Matt grinned wider, if possible, and nodded. “Yeah,” he said, picking up his backpack without breaking their gaze. “Yeah, that‟d be great.”
THE coffee shop around the corner was quiet. Aaron supposed it was because of the gorgeous weather. It was the first really nice spring day of the year, and people were probably out spending time enjoying it. Maybe he‟d do that tomorrow; it was supposed to be even more beautiful. Not as beautiful as the man sitting across from him. The sun glinted off Matt‟s hair through the window, and Aaron watched, fascinated, as the light formed a halo around Matt‟s head. Golden boy, Aaron thought, smiling at himself. Matt caught the smile. “Something funny?” he asked, eyes glowing like his hair. Aaron shook his head. “No, nothing, just enjoying the view,” he said softly, not even trying to pretend he was looking outside. Matt blushed again, and Aaron smiled wider. “Sorry, don‟t mean to embarrass you.” Matt looked up at him from under his lashes, heat behind his eyes. “Not embarrassed, exactly,” he murmured. Aaron swallowed as he understood Matt‟s meaning. Matt straightened up then and smiled quickly. “So, project,” he said, back to business. “It‟s my senior thesis, really. I have to have an outline done in two weeks, and my
Model Student | Shae Connor 9 advisor wanted me to get at least one more feature in. Jamie suggested you as a possible subject.” Aaron leaned back and took a sip of his coffee. Interviews he could handle. He hadn‟t done a lot of them, but the agency had provided some coaching. “Okay,” he said. “So I‟d be representing, what, models or students?” “Models,” Matt said, wrapping his hands around his coffee cup. “Most models just, well, model, or maybe model and act. Or at least stick mostly to the modeling industry. Management, photography, design. Finding one who wants to do something different, like film directing, that‟s the challenge.” Aaron nodded. “Okay,” he said. “But there are still a lot of model-slash-students out there. Why me?” Matt smiled again, a little shyly this time. “Honestly? Jamie. We‟re roommates, and I told him what my advisor said. He called me this morning when he got to the shoot and one of the assistants mentioned that you were a student too.” Matt shrugged. “So it was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing.” He grinned again, that infectious, dimpled smile, and Aaron felt his heart skip a beat. Talk about lucky breaks, he thought. “Gotcha,” Aaron said, leaning his arms on the table. “So what do you want to know?” “Well, everything,” Matt said, his eyes once again giving away hidden layers of meaning. He leaned back. “But we don‟t have to go into it all now. Like I said, spur-of-themoment. So I‟m not really prepared to do a full interview.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 10 Aaron smiled, slowly, watching Matt‟s pupils expand in response. “Okay, then,” he murmured. “When can I see you again?” Matt smiled back, softer this time. “How‟s tomorrow work for you?”
EVEN the late-afternoon coffee didn‟t keep Aaron awake, and his dreams were filled with golden hair and dimples. He slept a solid ten hours, waking up with sunlight in his eyes and a smile on his face. He stretched, feeling well rested and totally relaxed, ready for a good day. He was having lunch with Matt at noon to talk about the project, and probably along other lines too. Aaron frowned a moment. Lines. He hadn‟t thought about drawing those yesterday, too caught up in the unexpected moment. But an interview and a date were far different things. How could he know that Matt would respect the difference? He sighed. It’s a school project, not an industry exposé, he told himself. It’ll be fine. He pushed out of bed and padded into the bathroom. His studio was small but neat, the bulk of the space taken up by the bed, a comfortable sofa, high-end electronics, and racks and racks of DVDs. He‟d chosen it mainly because he could afford it without roommates, but the bathroom was a big perk, with a modern, double-width shower and double showerheads to match.
Model Student | Shae Connor 11 He spent a lot longer in the shower than he strictly needed to that morning. If he was going to meet Matt with a level head and not let his body get ahead of him, he had to get some relief first. At least, that was the excuse he gave as he washed the evidence down the drain. Showered and dressed, he sat on the edge of the sofa and pulled over his small rolling desk, firing up his laptop. No new assignments via e-mail, and no cell phone messages either, so he wouldn‟t need to cancel plans or turn anyone down. He switched to his school e-mail and double-checked his assignments. He generally worked a week or two ahead as much as he could, since he never knew when he might get a shoot that could take up several days or even take him out of town. So far he hadn‟t had to deal with any huge conflicts. Getting discovered just two months after he moved to New York had turned out to be the best thing that had happened to him. Aaron had never even considered modeling, but it sure paid a hell of a lot better than food service. He wasn‟t going to be anything approaching a supermodel, but he worked steadily and developed a good reputation with photographers. Between the regular income, some student loans, and a pretty hefty scholarship, he‟d been able to start at NYU and move out of his shared flat after just eight months in the city. Of course, his hectic schedule also didn‟t leave him much time for a social life, which was a good part of the reason for his uncertainty about Matt. Another hefty concern, though, was how much to reveal about his backstory for Matt‟s project. Aaron could admit to himself that he‟d agreed to help mainly because of his attraction to
Model Student | Shae Connor 12 Matt and hadn‟t thought that much about what he‟d be willing to say. Matt really didn‟t know what he‟d gotten himself into. Aaron wasn‟t all that sure himself. He‟d yet to tell the full story to anyone, even his handful of close friends. He checked his watch and sighed as he stood. Forty-five minutes until lunch, and he needed to stop by an ATM first. He hated to be late almost as much as he hated the reason that he hated to be late.
MATT was outside the café as Aaron approached, leaning back against the wall with hands in pockets, his backpack sitting next to his feet. This time he was wearing a red polo, peeking out from under a gray hoodie. The jeans and sneakers looked pretty much the same as the day before, though. Aaron took the opportunity to admire the long, lean lines of Matt‟s body. Matt caught sight of him when he was still a good fifty feet away and turned slightly in his direction, shifting his weight to one foot and jutting out a hip. Aaron‟s mouth started to water, and he swallowed carefully, trying to get his hormones under control. He came to a stop a few feet away from Matt. “Hey,” he said in a neutral voice. “Hey,” Matt answered. “Sleep well?” Aaron smiled a little at that. “Yeah,” he said. “Really well. Nice dreams.” Matt dipped his head and grinned, scuffing one toe on the sidewalk. “So, you ready for lunchtime confessional?” He
Model Student | Shae Connor 13 lifted his head, his face suddenly serious. “And Aaron, just so you know, you don‟t have to tell me anything you don‟t want me to know, and if you tell me something‟s off the record, it will be.” Aaron held Matt‟s gaze, then nodded. “Okay,” he said. “Why don‟t we grab a table and order and then we can talk.” They did. The café was busy, but there was an empty table in the back corner that afforded them a little privacy. They settled in with sandwiches and drinks and watched each other over the table as they started eating. Matt swallowed a bite and set the sandwich down. “So, how long have you been modeling?” Aaron shrugged. “Almost two years,” he said. “I actually got „discovered,‟ if you can believe that. Beats working at Bubba Gump‟s, that‟s for sure.” He grinned, and Matt laughed. “Could‟ve been worse,” Matt said. “Could‟ve been the Stardust.” Aaron groaned. “Oh, no no no, no singing here,” he said, holding up a hand. “I get booed off the stage at karaoke.” Matt snickered. “I know the feeling. After I butchered my first attempt, my friends stopped trying to get me to do it.” They smiled at each for a moment, and then Aaron cleared his throat. “So, anyway, I got signed and started working pretty quickly. Not something I ever thought I‟d be doing, but it turns out I like it.” He ducked his head. “And I guess I must be pretty decent at it, since I keep getting steady jobs.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 14 Matt finished the last bite of his sandwich and brushed the crumbs off his hands. “Look, do you mind if I take a few notes?” he asked, bending to dig into his backpack with one hand. “I don‟t necessarily need a lot of detail right now. Like I said, I‟m just doing an outline.” He stopped and shot Aaron a quick smile. “I mean, I want the details, but not necessarily for the project.” Aaron nodded and waved a hand in agreement. He pushed his plate to the side and leaned back in his chair, stretching his legs out toward Matt under the table. He watched Matt‟s hands flip the small notebook to a blank page and click the pen open. Long fingers, graceful. Aaron wondered how they‟d feel on his body. He blinked and shook off that thought as Matt bent forward, notebook on the table, and scribbled a few words. “Okay,” he said. “So you started modeling two years ago. How long have you been in New York?” Aaron lifted a hand to scratch the back of his neck. “Um, two years and two months?” He gave Matt an embarrassed smile. “I feel kind of bad saying that. I mean, so many people try for so long to break into modeling, and I had it pretty much fall into my lap. Doesn‟t seem fair.” Matt shrugged. “Life isn‟t always fair,” he said, his gaze meeting Aaron‟s for a long moment before moving away. “You said it yourself—you‟re good at it, and you like it. Just because someone wants something doesn‟t mean it‟s right for them.” Aaron felt several layers of hidden meaning behind those words, but now wasn‟t the time to ask. “Yeah, that‟s the truth,” he said. “Anyway, I came here planning to go to
Model Student | Shae Connor 15 film school, but I didn‟t have all that much money saved up. I got a restaurant job through a friend of mine, moved in with him and his roommates, and slept on the sofa. Then the agency came calling.” Matt was nodding and writing as Aaron spoke. “And then school?” “I was already working on an application packet before I moved here,” Aaron said, settling into the interview idea more with each question. “Being here let me get it put together—all those roommates came in handy as a built-in cast and crew. I finished a short film and submitted it to NYU with my application. Apparently they liked it, since it not only got me in but got me a pretty decent scholarship too.” Matt looked up then and gave him the full-on grin. “Wow, gorgeous and talented,” he said, then stopped short, as if he‟d just realized what he‟d said. “Um, I mean….” He blushed again, and Aaron had to fight an urge to lean forward and touch the pink on his cheek. It was Matt‟s turn to clear his throat, and he glanced around at the still-crowded cafe. “Look, we‟re taking up a table during Saturday lunch rush,” he said, turning his attention back to Aaron. “What do you say to finding somewhere outdoors to talk? The weather‟s too nice to sit inside anyway.” Aaron smiled. “Sounds good.” He stood up and started gathering their trash. “I‟ll get this.” Matt flashed him that wide grin again, picking up his backpack and heading for the door. Aaron followed close behind, trying not to be too obvious about staring at Matt‟s ass.
Model Student | Shae Connor 16
THE park area in the center of Herald Square was fairly full, but Matt snagged an empty table and two chairs at the end farthest from the clock. He smiled at Aaron as they sat. “I made the mistake of sitting at the other end the first time I was here,” he said. “That clock may be cool, but it sure can be migraine-inducing.” Aaron chuckled. “Try doing a photo shoot next to it and not reacting,” he said. His gaze wandered over to the front of Macy‟s across the street. “I spend a lot of time here, actually,” he admitted. “Kind of have a soft spot for it.” He looked back at Matt. “My first major campaign was for Macy‟s. Father‟s Day sale.” He skipped mentioning the irony of that. “Apparently young guys sell clothes better than actual father figures.” “Well, it‟d work for me,” Matt said, giving that look through his lashes again. Aaron shifted in his seat in response, hoping it wasn‟t too obvious what Matt was doing to him. But Matt grinned again, and Aaron knew he wasn‟t hiding anything all that well. Under the trees, which were just starting to fill in with spring growth, the bright sunlight was filtered down onto Matt‟s hair, turning it into a mosaic of color. His eyes were open and warm, inviting. So was his mouth, a bow of lush pink skin that made Aaron want to dive in and never come back out. Aaron was gay. Aaron had known he was gay almost as long as he‟d known what that meant. He‟d gone on a few dates with guys since he moved to New York, even kissed a
Model Student | Shae Connor 17 couple of them. And it was nice enough. But nothing, none of that compared to the raw energy he felt when he was around Matt. He‟d known the man for less than a day, and he was already so far gone it was startling. And suddenly Aaron realized that neither one of them had said a word about anything. Not directly, anyway. Aaron was pretty good at reading people these days, and Matt‟s signals certainly seemed pretty damn clear. But Matt had never said he was even single, much less gay. Neither of them had. Aaron sighed, inwardly this time. Okay, so maybe he still needed to work on this whole dating thing. Or prospective dating thing. Whatever. Matt was talking again. “Two years in the city, modeling, NYU. So, what brought you here in the first place? Just school?” Aaron shook his head and fixed his eyes on Matt‟s. He hated to bring even the smallest amount of darkness into this beautiful day, but something about Matt made him want to tell all his secrets. Made Aaron want to take risks. So he did. “It was my father,” he said, holding Matt‟s gaze. “He‟s career military, and probably not too surprisingly, a total homophobe. The morning of my eighteenth birthday, I packed my car with everything I owned, told him I was gay whether he liked it or not, and left. Never looked back.” Matt sat back, clearly stunned by Aaron‟s revelation. “Um, wow,” he said after a long moment. “That took a lot of guts.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 18 Aaron shrugged. “I guess. I‟d had enough of his bullshit by then,” he said. “His list of issues was pretty damn long.” Matt‟s expression could only be described as gobsmacked. “I can‟t imagine,” he said softly. “I mean, my parents were kind of stunned when I came out.” Aaron felt something inside him uncoil and relax as his thoughts were confirmed. “And it was rough for a while there,” Matt continued. “But they eventually came around.” There was another story there, Aaron knew, but he could wait. He leaned forward, resting his arms on the table, watching one of his fingers idly trace the pattern etched into the metal top. “Well, that wasn‟t going to happen with my dad,” he said. “It didn‟t help that he‟d been telling me as long as I could remember that he expected me to either enlist or go to West Point. It was a while before I figured out the whole sexuality thing, but the military?” He shook his head and lifted it to meet Matt‟s steady gaze. “I wanted out of that from the first time he brought it up.” Matt nodded, studying Aaron‟s eyes. “I get that,” he said. “What about… what about your mom?” Aaron‟s eyes closed involuntarily, his memory calling up the one clear snapshot image it held of his mother‟s face. “She died when I was little,” he murmured. “I don‟t really remember her.” He reopened his eyes but didn‟t look at Matt this time, not wanting to see sadness or, worse, pity. He looked down at his hands instead. “We didn‟t really have any other family, so it was just me and Major Dad after that. Only my life wasn‟t anything like a sitcom.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 19 Matt was quiet again, and Aaron heard the rasp of denim as he shifted in his seat. “When did you start planning to leave?” he finally asked. “I was fourteen,” Aaron said, spreading one hand out flat against the tabletop. “My dad had a lot of anger issues— well, like I said, he had a lot of issues, period. But he‟d always been a stickler for telling the truth. If I did something wrong and admitted it, my punishment wouldn‟t be nearly as bad as if I lied about it. I knew I was gay for two years before I finally screwed up my courage and tried to come out to my dad, so I figured he‟d probably be angry with me for lying all that time.” Matt interrupted then. “How was that lying?” he asked. Aaron looked up at him, and he was clearly confused. “I mean, if he‟d asked and you‟d told him—” “A lie of omission counted just like any other lie to him.” Aaron sighed and closed his eyes again, remembering. “I finally told him on New Year‟s Day. I thought it would be symbolic or something, starting the year off fresh. But he wouldn‟t hear it. He just laughed and said, „You know that‟s not true, son.‟ I tried again, but then he got mad and told me to stop saying things like that. He didn‟t call me a liar, not directly. He just acted like it didn‟t exist.” He reopened his eyes and met Matt‟s gaze again. “That‟s when I figured out that it had never been about honesty for him. It was about his version of the truth. Anything that didn‟t fit into his world view didn‟t exist. It made me question everything he‟d told me my entire life, and that‟s a pretty big thing for a fourteen-year-old kid to deal with.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 20 Matt‟s eyes were too open. Too piercing. Aaron had to look away and refocus on the tabletop instead. “It took me nearly a year to work through everything in my mind. Then I started planning. I saved up all the money I could. Bought a car as soon as I had enough, so it would be in my name.” He tucked his free hand under his thigh, a nervous habit he‟d never been able to break. “I knew I needed to leave as soon as I was old enough. So I did. And it wasn‟t as hard as I thought it would be.” Aaron saw Matt lean forward to fold his arms on the table but kept his eyes focused on his own hand where it still rested on the tabletop. “So, you just picked up and moved to Manhattan all on your own?” “I had some help,” Aaron said, shifting a fingernail to pick at a rough spot on the metal table. “My friend Greg had moved here when he graduated that summer. So I moved in with him and his roommates, and he‟s the one who helped me find a job while I finished my GED, since I left home before I graduated. We kind of ended up sleeping in shifts, since we worked at different times.” “Sounds pretty crazy.” Matt‟s voice was lower and a little rough-edged, and Aaron felt his body react. He took a deep breath and blew it out quickly before answering. “Yeah, it was definitely crazy.” Aaron found himself smiling at the memory of those months. “But it felt more like heaven.” Before Aaron realized it, one of Matt‟s hands was covering his on the table. Aaron raised his eyes slowly. Matt‟s eyes were soft again, naked. But instead of the pity or
Model Student | Shae Connor 21 sadness he feared, Aaron saw only warmth and strength, with an undercurrent of what he recognized as a spark of desire. “Aaron,” Matt said, gentle but firm. “I‟m sorry about your parents, I really am. I‟m sorry you had to go through all of that. But I‟m going to say something that‟s, well, honest, but also completely forward and completely selfish, because I just can‟t help myself.” Aaron lifted an eyebrow. “I‟m really, really happy everything that happened brought you to New York. Because it gave me the chance to meet you.” Aaron did the only thing he could in response. He leaned the rest of the way across the small table and caught those perfect lips in a perfect kiss.
THE rounded edge of the table pressed into Aaron‟s stomach, and his neck felt the strain as he leaned forward, but he couldn‟t possibly care less. Nothing mattered except the feel of Matt‟s mouth against his, Matt‟s tongue coming out to touch his. This is what a kiss is supposed to be, Aaron thought, and he never wanted it to end. It did, of course. Matt drew back first, and Aaron kept his eyes closed and his lips pursed for another long moment, wanted to hold on to that feeling. His eyes drifted open, and he met Matt‟s gaze. Matt was smiling softly, his cheeks tinged with pink again, and this time Aaron didn‟t stop himself. He brought his hand up from under his leg and cupped the side of Matt‟s neck, brushing a thumb across the blush.
Model Student | Shae Connor 22 “Wow,” Matt murmured, eyes searching Aaron‟s. “That was, um.” He grinned, and the color deepened. “Yeah,” Aaron answered, his voice rough. “It was.” He grinned too, then, and Matt‟s eyes sparkled. “Where did you come from?” Matt asked softly, a note of wonder in his voice. Aaron leaned back into his seat, his hand falling away from Matt‟s face but landing on their joined hands where they still lay on the table. “It occurs to me that I should be asking you that question,” he said. “You know about me, but I don‟t really know anything about you.” He ran his fingertips across the back of Matt‟s hand. “And I‟d really, really like to know.” Aaron decided he could spend days watching Matt blush and never tire of it. “Well,” Matt started, gaze shifting to watch Aaron‟s fingers start to draw figure eights on his skin, “I‟m from a little town in Wisconsin that no one‟s ever heard of. Lived there all my life until three years ago. Huge family, all the usual craziness that goes on with that.” He stopped short, a pensive look coming across his face, and Aaron ducked his head to try to recapture those eyes. “Why do I sense a „but‟ coming?” he asked gently. Matt blew out a breath and met Aaron‟s gaze. “But then I came out, and everything changed,” he said. “My best friend dumped me, my mom was convinced I was just a mixed-up kid and I‟d get over it or something, and everyone treated me like a stranger. I mean, most of them weren‟t mean, exactly, except Tommy.” Aaron recognized the pain behind that name but didn‟t interrupt. “But it just got to be too much. I couldn‟t stand feeling like everyone was staring
Model Student | Shae Connor 23 at me all the time. I finally took early admission to Columbia and left.” Aaron nodded slowly. “But you miss it. Them.” Matt‟s gaze softened and drifted off toward a distant horizon. “Yeah,” he said. “My family is insane sometimes, but everyone loves each other, even when we don‟t like each other all that much. And as much as I love the city, it‟s hard being here mostly alone, without all the people I grew up with.” Aaron was quickly growing to love the sound of Matt‟s voice, but he hated the sadness it held right now. He turned his hands so that they covered Matt‟s hand completely. “Look, you don‟t have to talk about this if you don‟t want to—” “No, no, it‟s okay,” Matt said, bringing his other hand up to tangle their fingers together. He shot Aaron a quick smile. “It‟s fine most of the time. I love it here; love my classes. My roommate and I get along great. I have friends. Some of my family has even come to visit, and they‟ve come to terms with everything. They just want me to be happy.” Aaron brushed his thumb across the back of Matt‟s hand. “And are you?” Matt smiled again, this one a slow burner that Aaron felt all the way to his toes. “Yeah,” he said. “And getting happier all the time.”
AARON lost track of how long they sat there together, holding hands across the table and talking. They shifted away from
Model Student | Shae Connor 24 serious topics as if by unspoken agreement, instead discussing favorite movies—Aaron was surprised to find Matt liked some of the same esoteric choices he did—music, and food. Aaron was just about to segue that last subject into inviting Matt to dinner at one of his favorite new restaurants when a cell phone rang and Matt pulled a hand away to dig into his backpack again. “Sorry,” he said, shooting Aaron a smile. “That‟s Jamie‟s ringtone, and he has a tendency to lock himself out of the apartment.” He punched a button and answered. “Hey man, what‟s up?” Aaron watched Matt‟s expressive face as he listened. His eyes widened. “Seriously? Is she okay?” Aaron leaned forward, gripping Matt‟s hand tighter. Matt squeezed back. “Where is she?” He listened again. “Okay, are you there now?” He looked at Aaron and gave a half smile. “I‟m at Herald Square. I can be there in probably ten or fifteen minutes. Okay. See you then.” He hit another button and shoved the phone back into his backpack. “Sorry about that.” “Not a problem,” Aaron said. “Is everything okay?” Matt nodded. “Yeah, just. Well, we have a cat, and she likes to try to escape from the apartment. She got out today and got caught by the front door.” Aaron winced, and Matt shook his head quickly. “She‟s fine, just a little bruised. I need to get up to the emergency vet to pick her up, though. Jamie‟s got to work in less than an hour.” Aaron released Matt‟s hand and tried not to think about how cold he was left feeling. “No problem, if you need to go—”
Model Student | Shae Connor 25 “No,” Matt said, reaching out to grab a hand back. “Why don‟t you walk with me? It‟s right up Broadway.” His smile turned tentative. “Unless you need to get going?” Aaron shook his head, his gaze back on Matt‟s. “Nowhere I‟d rather be,” he said, smiling when he was rewarded with yet another blush.
THEY walked close together, matching strides within a block, moving smoothly through and around the tourists crowding the sidewalks. Matt hadn‟t released Aaron‟s hand, and Aaron had no plans to ask for it back anytime soon. Matt was silent at first, but within a few blocks he started talking again. “So what year are you? Junior?” Matt asked, glancing back as he dodged around a clump of shoppers exiting onto the street. “No, sophomore,” Aaron answered. “I wasn‟t able to start until last winter, but I‟m taking classes year-round, so I‟m hoping to finish summer after next.” He stepped around a trash can. “You‟re a senior?” “Junior,” Matt answered. “Just need to get the thesis outline in now so I don‟t have to worry about it over the summer. I‟ve been taking a class every summer too, but I want to take a couple of months off before I dive into my last year.” He shot that quick grin back over his shoulder, sending Aaron‟s stomach into another nosedive. Jeez, man, get a grip, he thought. Just because he’s gorgeous, and funny, and adorable, and pretty obviously into you….
Model Student | Shae Connor 26 Aaron grinned at himself. Okay, so maybe there wasn‟t so much reason to hold back after all. He looked ahead of them, spying a doorway that seemed deserted. Without saying anything, he tugged Matt in that direction, spinning him around so his back landed against the wall. Aaron leaned into him, full body length pressing Matt into the shaded corner, hands on Matt‟s hips. Matt looked up at him, surprise quickly replaced by heat in his eyes. His hands grasped Aaron‟s upper arms, and his gaze dropped from Aaron‟s eyes and fixed on Aaron‟s lips, just inches away. Aaron lifted one corner of his mouth, then dipped forward. There was nothing tentative between them this time. Matt‟s lips parted immediately, and Aaron began to devour him slowly. He moaned into Matt‟s mouth and slid one hand around to Matt‟s lower back, pulling them more tightly together. Matt met him kiss for kiss, hands tangling in Aaron‟s hair so he could tilt his head for better access. Blood rushed into Aaron‟s groin, but he didn‟t care if Matt felt it. He wanted Matt to know exactly what he was doing to him. Matt knew. He pulled out of their kiss and shifted his hips just slightly, hardness meeting hardness. Aaron had never really understood the phrase “weak in the knees” until that moment. Aaron pressed their foreheads together, their breathing ragged in the sliver of space between them. “God,” he rasped. “Matt.” “Yeah.” Matt nudged his nose against Aaron‟s, brushed it along his cheek. “Yeah.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 27 They kissed again, gentler this time, still half-hidden away from the bustle of Manhattan traffic. Aaron knew they needed to go soon, but he didn‟t want to give up this moment. He‟d had so few moments like this to remember. Maybe Matt could help him start building more of them.
THIS time it was Aaron who pulled himself away from Matt. “Much as I‟d love to stay right here,” he said, breathing heavily, “don‟t you have a cat to fetch?” Matt hit him with the full-wattage grin. “Yeah, and a roommate to rescue,” he said. He entwined the fingers of his right hand with Aaron‟s left and hitched his backpack back onto his left shoulder, then stepped back toward the street. “C‟mon, I can introduce you to both of them.” Aaron followed, smiling despite the tightness in his jeans. He couldn‟t quite believe that just yesterday he‟d been thinking of nothing but spending today catching up on sleep, and today he could think of nothing but spending more time with Matt. He wasn‟t kidding when he‟d said there was nowhere else he‟d rather be. He felt as if he‟d known Matt so much longer than a day. They reached the vet clinic in just a few more minutes, and Matt pushed through the door with his free hand, pulling Aaron along as if leading a child. Aaron couldn‟t help but laugh at Matt‟s exuberance, a physical manifestation of the mood and the weather and whatever was going on between them. Matt glanced around once they were inside
Model Student | Shae Connor 28 and then waved at the redhead Aaron recognized from the day before. “Hey, Jamie, how‟s she doing?” Matt and Aaron stopped in front of Jamie, whose attention was on Aaron. “Um, she‟s fine,” Jamie said. Aaron shifted under his stare. “They‟ll have the paperwork ready in a few, and she can go home.” “Great,” Matt said. He tugged at Aaron‟s hand. “Jamie, this is Aaron Stevens, from the shoot yesterday. Aaron, this is Jamie Montana. And no, before you ask, he‟s no relation to Joe.” Aaron smiled and held out his free hand. “Nice to meet you,” he said. Jamie shook Aaron‟s hand and smiled a little tentatively. “Nice to meet you too.” He took his hand back and looked at Matt again. “So I guess the interview idea worked out?” Matt lifted his eyebrows. “You could say that,” he said. “We were talking about it when you called, and I dragged Aaron along.” Aaron laughed. “Well, you didn‟t exactly have to twist my arm,” he said. Their eyes met, humor sparking between them just as desire had a few minutes earlier. Aaron couldn‟t decide which he liked better, but with any luck, he wouldn‟t have to choose. Jamie‟s voice broke in. “Well, I need to get going,” he said. “They‟ll call Bernie‟s name when she‟s ready.” He nodded at Aaron again. “Nice meeting you, Aaron.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 29 Aaron nodded in response as Matt spoke again. “Break a leg, Jamie,” he said, and the two men laughed at what was clearly an inside joke. Jamie left, and Matt tugged at Aaron‟s hand again, drawing him over to sit in two of the straight-backed chairs facing the reception desk, dropping his backpack on the floor between them. Aaron sat, then bent forward and looked back up into Matt‟s face. “Bernie?” he asked. Matt snickered. “Short for Bernstein. As in Woodward and Bernstein? We figured it was appropriate for a couple of journalism majors.” Aaron had to agree. He leaned back in his seat, releasing Matt‟s hand and very obviously pulling the stretchand-put-arm-across-back-of-seat maneuver. Matt grinned in recognition and scooted a little closer, and Aaron curled his fingers around Matt‟s shoulder, squeezing lightly. “So, I was going to ask you,” Aaron said. “Do you have any plans this evening?” Matt shot him a sideways look and slipped his hand over to rest on Aaron‟s thigh. “I was going to ask you the same thing,” he replied. “I need to get Bernie home and settled, but then I was thinking about making dinner. For two. If you‟re interested.” Heat flashed through Aaron‟s body. Dinner. Alone. At Matt‟s apartment. Did he really have to ask? “That sounds… really great, actually,” Aaron said. He smirked. “Assuming you can actually cook, that is.” Matt smacked his palm against Aaron‟s leg. “Yes, I can cook,” he protested. “I mean, I‟m no gourmet, but I can
Model Student | Shae Connor 30 manage pretty well.” He paused. “Okay, well, I can make a few things pretty well and can usually follow a recipe for other stuff.” He shot a mock glare at Aaron. “So I suppose you‟re a gourmet chef on top of everything else?” Aaron laughed. “Hardly, but I do like to cook sometimes,” he said. He tugged Matt a little closer and slid his other hand over Matt‟s where it still rested on his thigh. “Not much fun cooking for one, though,” he murmured into Matt‟s hair. Matt sighed and settled against him more firmly. “So I guess you‟ll just have to start cooking for me,” he said, and Aaron smiled against the blond tangles.
BERNIE was ready a few minutes later, and Matt pulled away from Aaron‟s embrace to take care of the paperwork. Aaron leaned forward in his seat, folding his hands between his knees, and stared at the floor. He took a few deep breaths. This was all happening so fast, and while he wasn‟t exactly reluctant, he was a little unsure. Unsure what Matt expected from him and unsure what he wanted from Matt. Well, he was pretty sure what he wanted. He just wasn‟t sure when he wanted it. Aaron knew being a virgin at twenty was no reason to be ashamed. He knew quite a few people who‟d waited longer, both gay and straight, and like him, most of them just wanted not to have any regrets. Aaron had never been with someone who made him feel like he could do anything and not regret it. Not until today. Not until Matt.
Model Student | Shae Connor 31 Beautiful, smiling Matt, who was walking back toward him now with a bundle of black-and-white fur in his arms. Aaron stood as he approached. “Jamie forgot the carrier, of course, and the vet‟s out of loaners,” Matt said. “She‟s had some painkillers that have her calmer than usual, but we‟ll still need to keep an eye out to be sure she doesn‟t try to bolt again.” He lifted his arms closer to Aaron‟s face. “Aaron, this is Bernie. Bernie, this is Aaron. Try not to scare him off, okay?” Aaron grinned and reached out carefully to scratch behind one of Bernie‟s ears. “Hey there,” he said. “You ready to head home?” “Mroowwww.” Bernie blinked slowly up at him, and Aaron snickered. “Drugged kitty is drugged,” Matt said, laughing and heading toward the door. “Let‟s get her home before they wear off and she turned into her usual spazzed-out self.” He stopped and looked back at his backpack. “Um, my hands are kind of full. Do you mind?” “No problem.” Aaron snagged the backpack off the floor and followed Matt, stepping ahead to push the door open so Matt could walk through ahead of him. “Lead the way,” he said.
MATT‟S apartment was not too far north of the vet clinic, a second-floor walk-up in a retrofitted prewar building. Matt stopped at the top of the stoop and turned to face Aaron.
Model Student | Shae Connor 32 “Well, you can dig into my backpack to get my keys, or you can hold Bernie while I do the digging. Preference?” “Probably easier if I dig,” Aaron said, lifting the bag into his arms. “Outside pocket?” “Should be,” Matt said, shifting Bernie to rest against his chest. “There may be two sets. You want the one with the Cubs keychain.” Aaron lifted an eyebrow as he pulled out a handful of keys. “Cubs, huh?” he said, separating the keys with his fingers and dropping the extra set back into the pocket. “So you‟re a baseball kind of guy.” Matt shrugged and nodded to the keys. “The gold one is this door, silver one is inside,” he said, stepping to one side so Aaron could manage the door. “And yeah, I played baseball and basketball in high school, and growing up so near Chicago, it was all about the Cubs.” “Not the White Sox?” Aaron pushed the door open and held it again for Matt. Matt scoffed as he stepped across the threshold. “No way, the AL sucks,” he said. “Designated hitter, my ass.” Aaron followed him inside and made a show out of running his eyes down Matt‟s body. “Your ass?” he said, and Matt smirked at him. “Now, now, Stevens, no getting the cart before the horse,” he said, grinning as he led the way up the stairs. “Dinner first. Then we can talk about dessert.” An image popped into Aaron‟s mind: Matt spread out across a bed, wearing nothing but strategically placed piles
Model Student | Shae Connor 33 of whipped cream. Aaron‟s steps stuttered and he tripped, barely catching himself on the handrail. Matt looked back down at him, still grinning wickedly, as if he could read exactly what Aaron was thinking. “Careful there,” he admonished. “Don‟t want to damage anything important.” Oh my God, Aaron thought, steadying himself and stepping quickly to catch up with Matt. This man was going to be the death of him. Aaron smiled. He couldn‟t wait.
DINNER turned out to be spaghetti, but with a made-fromscratch sauce that Aaron‟s taste buds quickly became addicted to—much as he had the cook. If he got nothing else out of this… whatever this was, he decided, he was coming away with that recipe. “Mmmmm,” he moaned for at least the third time since he took his first tentative bite. “I could really get used to this.” Matt‟s apartment was large enough for a tiny table in the kitchen, but it was covered with Jamie‟s camera parts, so they sat side by side on the sofa to eat, plates on the coffee table. Matt smiled at him over the rim of his wineglass, which, like Aaron‟s, was filled with sparkling red grape juice. “Glad you like it,” he said. “Stole the recipe from my grandma‟s stash. She‟s the best cook in the state of Wisconsin, at minimum. I make big batches at a time and freeze it.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 34 “Seriously, Matt, I‟m impressed,” Aaron said, wiping the last of the sauce off his plate with a piece of garlic toast. “You aren‟t half Italian or something, are you?” The light in Matt‟s eyes died a little at that, and Aaron wished he could take it back. “Well, yeah, actually,” Matt said softly before looking back up and forcing his smile wider. “But it‟s really a long story and not really something I want to get into right now.” He popped the last piece of his bread into his mouth. “Sorry,” Aaron said, wiping his mouth and setting his napkin down next to his plate. Matt shook his head quickly and he reached out to cover Aaron‟s hand with his. “Don‟t apologize,” he said. “We all have sore spots, and there‟s no way you could know mine.” He smiled genuinely this time. “You‟ve known me all of, what, twenty-six hours? What time is it anyway?” He made a show of squinting toward the clock on the wall across the room, and Aaron chuckled. “Yeah, that‟s about right,” he said. He lifted Matt‟s hand and turned it palm up, lowering his lips to press a kiss into the warm skin. “Have to say, though, it‟s been maybe the best twenty-six hours of my life.” He heard Matt suck in a breath and felt his fingers curl against his jaw. “God. Aaron.” Matt‟s voice was raspy. “Do you have any idea what you‟re doing to me?” Aaron turned his face toward Matt and nuzzled his cheek into Matt‟s hand. “If it‟s anything like what you‟re doing to me, then yeah,” he answered.
Model Student | Shae Connor 35 Matt‟s other hand came up to wrap around the back of Aaron‟s neck. Aaron allowed himself to be pulled in, raising his face to meet Matt‟s kiss. They kissed lazily, thoroughly, as if they had all the time in the world, which it felt as if they did. Matt slid across the sofa cushions until they were pressed together from thighs to shoulders. Aaron‟s free hand moved to Matt‟s back, slowly sliding up his spine to tangle in the hair at the base of his skull. He memorized the inside of Matt‟s mouth, the smooth surface of his teeth, the rough texture of his tongue, the wet slick along the insides of his cheeks. He could feel himself moaning into the kiss, could hear the counterpoint of Matt‟s own groans. His mind echoed with a single word: more, more, more. He felt himself falling backward and let it happen, hitting the soft cushions below him with a small “oof” that broke the kiss. Matt stretched out across his chest, giggling a little, and Aaron grinned up at him. He couldn‟t remember the last time he‟d felt this good. He wanted to keep feeling it. He really, really wanted to kiss Matt again. So he did. One of Aaron‟s favorite old guilty-pleasure movies featured Ginger Rogers as a girl trying to decide between three suitors, making her decision based on which of them set off some kind of bells in her head when they kissed. Aaron was pretty sure he was living out the climactic moment right then, mouth fused to Matt‟s. It wasn‟t until Matt pulled away that Aaron realized it wasn‟t bells but his cell phone, chiming and vibrating in his pocket.
Model Student | Shae Connor 36 Matt was laughing. “I think your thigh is trying to have its way with me,” he said, nudging his leg against the hard case in Aaron‟s pocket. “Yeah, well, so was I,” Aaron grumbled good-naturedly, reluctantly pulling his hand out of Matt‟s hair and digging into his pocket instead. He winced as his fingers brushed against his cock, which was nearly as hard as the phone, and he looked up to find Matt sitting up across his legs and smirking at him knowingly. “Shut up,” he said, grinning as he glanced at the phone display. Crap. Agent. “Dammit. Sorry, it‟s my agent. Kind of have to take it.” He threw Matt an apologetic look as he answered. “Hey, Billie, what‟s up?” “Sorry to call on Saturday night, Aaron, but it‟s an emergency.” Billie sounded rushed. “Owen called just a few minutes ago. He was in the middle of backing up the last set of pictures from yesterday when everything crashed. He lost the last two setups, and the company really needs the shots by Monday.” She sighed. “I know it‟s last minute, but is there any way you‟d be available for reshoots first thing tomorrow?” As Billie talked, Aaron‟s hand wandered seemingly of its own accord to Matt‟s thigh and started rubbing up and down. Aaron could feel the hard muscle twitching under his touch, and it made it hard to concentrate on what Billie was saying. “Oh,” he said as it finally sank in. “Tomorrow? Um, yeah, I guess so. What time?” “As early as possible,” she said. “Can you manage eight? If not, I‟ll tell him later, but the more time he has to finish things up in the afternoon, the better.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 37 “Sure, eight‟s okay,” Aaron said. He met Matt‟s gaze and shrugged, and Matt nodded his understanding. “Same location?” “Yep, same place,” she said. “I‟ll call Owen and let him know. Call me if you run into any problems.” “Will do.” Aaron ended the call, set the phone down on the coffee table, and dropped his head back against the sofa with a sigh. “So, it looks like I have an early shoot tomorrow.” Matt leaned forward, planting his hands on either side of Aaron‟s head and dipping down for a quick kiss. “It‟s okay,” he said. “Things happen.” He sat back up and smiled. “So I guess I‟m gonna have to let you go.” Aaron settled his hands on Matt‟s hips and squeezed lightly. “Yeah,” he agreed. “Not that I want to, you understand.” He frowned. “You do understand, don‟t you?” Matt grinned at him, eyes sparking with humor again. Aaron could get used to that look. “Yes, I understand,” he said, sliding his hands up and down Aaron‟s forearms. “We‟re still only up to, like, twenty-seven hours here. And it‟s not like either of us is going anywhere, right?” “Right.” Aaron returned the grin. “So how about we try this again tomorrow night, at my place? I can‟t promise the best spaghetti sauce in the history of the world, but I make a mean chicken marsala.” “Mmmm, my favorite,” Matt said, leaning down for another lingering kiss. “I‟ll bring dessert.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 38 AARON was more awake this time around but no less distracted. It had taken him three tries (and two orgasms) before he could fall asleep the night before. Hell, he‟d barely made it in the door from Matt‟s before he pulled his clothes off and flopped onto the bed to find release. And then he woke up at six in the morning from one of the most erotic dreams he could remember having, leading to yet another round in the shower. He‟d never been as turned on in his life as he‟d been last night, and from just a few fully clothed kisses. He couldn‟t imagine what it would be like if he and Matt actually got naked together. Shit. Stop thinking, stop thinking, he told himself, concentrating on the camera. Shift, hold, move, open mouth, smile. Hands in pockets, kept carefully away from anything sensitive. For a fleeting moment, he wondered if his low-level state of arousal would show in his eyes. Dammit. Do the job, he ordered himself. He flinched inwardly. The voice in his head sounded too familiar. Too much like his father. Aaron might have left his father behind, but he didn‟t get away clean. He hadn‟t told Matt everything. He didn‟t tell him that he‟d basically withdrawn from everything after his New Year‟s confession to his dad changed his perception of everything in his life. He spent most of his time in his room, immersing himself in old movies on cable that soon became his best friends and planted the seed for his interest in directing. It wasn‟t until they moved to a new base that November, just after his fifteenth birthday, and Aaron met
Model Student | Shae Connor 39 Greg that he started reemerging into the world as a different person than he‟d been eleven months earlier—and with a plan in place that would eventually let him take over control of his own life. “Okay, time to change setups.” Owen‟s voice cut into Aaron‟s thoughts, and Aaron refocused on the room around him as Owen lowered his camera and smiled at him. “Sorry again about this,” he said, and Aaron shrugged. “Not a problem. You‟re not keeping me from anything but laundry.” He tried out a grin and moved over to the wardrobe screen to switch clothes. As he stepped back out, the wardrobe assistant, Aimee, looked at him sideways, smirking. “What?” he said, raising an eyebrow at her. “Oh, nothing,” she said. “I just have my doubts that it‟s only laundry you‟re missing.” Aaron felt himself blush and shook his head. “You‟ve been reading the gossip columns, haven‟t you?” he asked teasingly. “You know they make up ninety percent of that stuff.” She grinned at him. “Nope, nothing like that,” she said. “I just saw who you left with Friday afternoon. And how you were looking at each other.” Aaron grinned despite himself, lowering his head. “Caught,” he murmured, shaking his head. “You don‟t miss much, do you?” “Nope,” she said. “So let me tell you, you have nothing to worry about there. That boy couldn‟t keep his eyes off you.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 40 Aaron looked up at her and grinned. “Well, good,” he said. “Because that‟s pretty much mutual.”
THE shoot wrapped in less than three hours, and Aaron was back out on the quiet Sunday-morning street. He just walked at first, lost in thought. Mostly about Matt, but partly about himself. Matt had pointed out more than once the night before how recently they‟d met. Even now, it was less than two days. Was Aaron really prepared to sleep with him so quickly? Aaron wasn‟t one to rush into things. He‟d planned his escape from home for years, took over a week to agree to the modeling contract, searched for his apartment for three months before signing the lease. He was deliberate, methodical. Careful. After so long in the shadow of his father, Aaron needed to be sure his decisions were his own. He felt different with Matt. Matt made him want to throw caution to the wind and let everything go. He shouldn‟t be surprised that it was a little scary. But Matt was also beautiful, and smart, and funny, and happy. Aaron was attracted to everything about him, and that was something he‟d never experienced. They fit together like two pieces of the same puzzle. Aaron smiled to himself. He checked the time on his phone and redirected his steps to the small market near his apartment. If he was going to make his “famous” chicken marsala, he‟d better start by picking up some chicken.
Model Student | Shae Connor 41
IT
WAS after three by the time Matt sent a text message.
Aaron was surprised he‟d held out that long; Matt didn‟t seem like the type for patience. Aaron opened the message and grinned as he read it: Still on for 6? Any dessert requests? He quickly typed a reply: yes, and yes. you. The answer came in minutes: mmm, tasty. Aaron laughed and turned back to the laundry he‟d been folding. The apartment was even more spotless than usual, all the ingredients for dinner were ready to go, and he‟d even stopped at the drugstore around the corner for condoms and lube. Just in case, he told himself, even though the truth was he was really hoping they‟d be needed. Well, half of him was, anyway. The other half was busy dealing with the worst case of butterflies in the history of time.
MATT‟S knock came at five after six, and Aaron grinned as he crossed to the door, guessing that was probably the closest to being on time that Matt ever got. Aaron, by contrast, still carried around the habit of punctuality that his father had instilled in him, one of a handful of things his father had left him with that actually ended up serving him well. Still smiling a little, Aaron pulled the door open and stopped, staring. Matt wore a black T-shirt and faded jeans
Model Student | Shae Connor 42 that were just tight enough to leave very little to the imagination. His hair was loose and tousled, probably styled as much by the spring breeze as anything. He had a bakery box in one hand, and his other rested against the outside of the door frame. “Hi,” he said, lips parting in a small smile. “Hi,” Aaron answered. “You look… you look great.” Matt ducked his head a little shyly. “Thanks,” he said. He lifted the hand holding the box. “I brought a choice of desserts,” he said. Aaron reached out a hand and slipped it around the side of Matt‟s waist, drawing him inside. “I hope only one of them is in the box,” he murmured, drawing a low laugh out of Matt. “Down, boy,” he replied, tilting his head forward until their foreheads touched. “You promised me dinner first.” “So I did.” Aaron kept his kiss of greeting brief, taking the bakery box from Matt‟s hand and waving it toward the sofa. “Have a seat,” he said. “Dinner‟s pretty much ready. I‟ll bring it out.” He closed the door and headed back into the tiny galley kitchen as Matt moved toward the shelves along the wall. “Wow,” Matt said, running one finger along the spines of the cases. “I expected a film major to have a lot of movies, but this is amazing. You‟re a regular one-man Blockbuster.” Aaron laughed. “Yeah, I spend way too much on DVDs, but I figure it‟s an investment,” he said, dishing up chicken and salad as he spoke. “Haven‟t yet had to rent or borrow a
Model Student | Shae Connor 43 film for school. That won‟t last, but it‟s been saving me some time, at least.” Matt wandered back toward the kitchen, looking around the room. “This is a nice place,” he said. “Pretty big for a studio. Most of them are basically oversized closets.” Aaron smiled. “Yeah, it took a while to find this one,” he said. “The bathroom‟s what really won me over, though.” He nodded. “Feel free to check it out.” Matt disappeared through the small door. “Oh, awesome.” His voice drifted back, echoing slightly off the tiled walls. “Yeah, this is definitely worth it.” He popped his head out around the door frame. “That shower is amazing.” “Yep,” Aaron said, picking up the filled plates and carrying them toward the sofa. “Like I said, that‟s the main reason I took the place.” Matt came back into the room. “Oh, hey, can I help?” Aaron set down the plates and grinned back him. “I got it. Come on and have a seat.” He stepped back into the kitchen to grab the glasses of iced tea he‟d poured and gather silverware and napkins. Matt was sitting on the sofa when he came back around the counter, leaned over one of the plates, sniffing deeply. Aaron grinned. “Checking for poison?” He sat down, and Matt threw him a smirk. “Nah, just for the smell of burned food,” he shot back. “Kind of hard to hide that.” Aaron rolled his eyes as he sat down and handed over silverware and a glass. “Go ahead, dig in,” he said, nudging Matt‟s shoulder with his own. “I promise it‟s edible.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 44 Matt looked at him a little dubiously and took his first bite cautiously, but then his eyes widened and he smiled. “S‟good,” he muttered, chewing and swallowing. “Really good.” “Thanks.” Aaron grinned as he dived into his own plate. They were mostly quiet as they ate, but Aaron kept shooting glances at Matt and catching him doing the same. The temperature in the room seemed to be climbing by inches, ratcheting up each time they exchanged a look. Matt finally set down his fork and knife, most of his meal eaten, and leaned back against the sofa. Aaron chewed and swallowed the bite in his mouth before he dared look over at him again. Oh holy hell. Was he ever glad he‟d waited until he swallowed. Matt had reclined into the far corner of the sofa, legs spread slightly apart, arms draped along the cushions on either side. His hips canted forward, highlighting the lean muscles beneath the cotton of his shirt. His lips were parted, his eyelids lowered, and his gaze was fixed on Aaron with an almost predatory gleam. Aaron‟s knife and fork hit his plate with a clatter.
AARON had never loved his sofa as much as he did in that moment, when he was stretched out across it with six feet of Matt underneath him. Matt‟s fingers bit into Aaron‟s shoulders, and his ankles hooked behind his knees as they kissed—hot, deep, searing kisses that blew out half the
Model Student | Shae Connor 45 synapses in Aaron‟s brain. And the other half were nearing overload. One of Aaron‟s hands was tangled into Matt‟s hair, flexing around the soft strands unconsciously. His other hand traced the skin of Matt‟s arm from wrist to shoulder, curved down to stroke his side, hooked around his hip to draw their bodies into closer contact. Matt moaned into Aaron‟s mouth as their cocks fell into perfect alignment, and Aaron thrust forward once, twice, drawing that same sound out of Matt. He tore his mouth away from Matt‟s and started raining little biting kisses down his jawline and onto his neck, rolling his hips in a slow grind. The hand on Matt‟s hip slipped up and under the front of Matt‟s shirt, walking across hard muscle and scratching into coarse hair. Aaron nipped and sucked at the junction of Matt‟s neck and shoulder, knowing he‟d leave a bruising mark but not caring. His hand wandered farther up, brushing across a hard nipple, and Matt reacted unexpectedly. “Wait, wait!” Matt was pushing against Aaron‟s chest. Aaron froze and pulled back immediately. “Sorry, sorry,” he started, but Matt stopped him with two fingers against his lips. “No, don‟t apologize,” Matt said, replacing his fingers with his lips for another short but deep kiss. “This is all me. I just…. Shit. I thought I could… but I need to tell you something before we take this any further. It‟s not a huge deal, at least not anymore. I just need to clear the air. Okay?”
Model Student | Shae Connor 46 Aaron studied Matt‟s face for a moment and saw honesty and affection, tinged with nervousness and just a little fear. It was the fear that caught his attention most. “Okay,” he said, pushing himself up to sit upright on the sofa. He ran a hand down his face. “Okay,” he repeated, more to himself than anything. He turned toward Matt, who was also sitting up, settling on the cushions with his legs folded between them. Matt reached out to take one of Aaron‟s hands in both of his, and Aaron felt himself relax a little at the touch. Matt kept his eyes on their joined hands as he talked. “Back when I was still in Wisconsin, I was…. Well, I was drinking a hell of a lot,” he said. “My best friend had turned into a party boy, and I was trying to keep up with him.” He stopped and sighed. “Okay, total truth? I had a crush on him. And in my addled teenaged brain, I figured that drinking with him would eventually get him to notice me, you know, that way.” Aaron squeezed Matt‟s hand gently, and Matt finally looked up at him with a small smile. “Anyway, I finally got up the courage to tell Tommy I was gay on my seventeenth birthday, and he didn‟t handle it well. At all. Called me every name in the book, starting with faggot and going downhill from there. And that, well. It‟s not an excuse, but that just made me drink more.” He stopped again, and Aaron leaned forward, bringing his free hand up to brush back Matt‟s hair. “Matt, you really don‟t have to—” Matt cut him off. “Yeah, I really do,” he said. “That‟s just the first part. I kept right on drinking like crazy. Hell, I was
Model Student | Shae Connor 47 drunk when I finally came out to my parents. It‟s no wonder they didn‟t react well. But it took until the end of that year before I stopped.” He paused again, but Aaron didn‟t interrupt this time. Matt blew out a breath. “On New Year‟s Eve, I went to Chicago, supposedly to go to a party some friends were having. But instead I snuck into a gay club and got drunk,” he said. “It wasn‟t the drunkest I‟d been, but I was pretty well gone. I…. Shit.” He pulled one hand away from Aaron‟s and scrubbed it through his hair. “I let myself get picked up by a college guy. Blew him in the bathroom and then let him fuck me in the backseat of his car in the parking lot.” Aaron couldn‟t help it—he flinched. He knew Matt felt it, could feel him drawing away in response. “Hey,” Aaron said, tightening his grip on Matt‟s hand, pulling him closer. “It‟s okay. Really. I was just surprised, okay?” Matt nodded quickly, didn‟t look at Aaron. “Anyway. I woke up the next morning sprawled out across the front seat of my car with my pants in a ball on the floor.” He was talking faster, like he needed to get everything out as quickly as possible, which, Aaron realized, was probably exactly what was happening. Pulling off the bandage. “I remembered everything,” Matt said. “That was equal parts curse and blessing, but thank God one of us was smart enough to use a condom. Once I was awake enough to realize what I‟d done, I drove straight to the county health clinic and found out where the nearest AA meeting was. I went that day, and every day for the next two weeks before I
Model Student | Shae Connor 48 moved here, and at least once a week since then. And I haven‟t had a drink since that night.” He stopped short, his mouth still half-open like he was about to say something else. Aaron waited a moment, then leaned forward again, settling his palm on the side of Matt‟s face. “Hey,” he said, waiting until Matt looked at him. He smiled softly. “Still here.” One corner of Matt‟s mouth crooked up. “Yeah, well, the rest of the story is that I also haven‟t had sex since that night,” he admitted. “And while I‟m being perfectly honest, a part of me freaks out a little whenever I think about doing it. I mean, I wasn‟t taken advantage of. I know I was drunk, but I‟d already decided what I was going to do before I had anything to drink. And it wasn‟t terrible or anything. But it was still stupid and wrong, and that was bad enough.” Aaron tilted his head. “We all do stupid things sometimes,” he said. “Most people aren‟t smart enough to learn from it. You did. You should be proud of yourself.” Matt blushed, and Aaron smiled again, running his thumb across Matt‟s cheek. “I like watching you blush,” he murmured. “Is that weird of me?” Matt nuzzled his head against Aaron‟s hand. “I don‟t know,” he whispered in reply. “Is it weird that I like that you like it?” Aaron kissed him then, a bare touch of lips and tongues, light and simple. He pulled away gradually, like he did their first kiss, eyes closed and lips pursed, holding on to the feeling as long as possible. “So.” Aaron opened his eyes as Matt spoke again. “Any taxicab confessionals you want to get out? While we‟re on the
Model Student | Shae Connor 49 subject. I mean, I obviously don‟t have much experience with it, but I should probably ask you….” He trailed off uncertainly, and Aaron squeezed his hand. “Nothing to tell,” he said, and Matt‟s head shot up, his eyes wide. “Yeah,” Aaron confirmed. “I‟m a virgin.” He said it firmly and with no embarrassment, which surprised even him. It was the first time he‟d said it to anyone who might be in a position to change it, and it turned out to be easier than he thought. Maybe it was because Matt was pretty close to being in the same boat. A slow smile spread across Matt‟s face. “Wow,” he said. “I‟m…. I guess shocked is a little strong. Surprised, though. I mean, have you looked at yourself lately?” He wrinkled his nose at Aaron, and Aaron laughed. “Well, it‟s not that I haven‟t had any offers at all,” he admitted. “But it‟s not just about that. I mean, I guess you‟re in a better position than most to understand. I just—” He stopped for a moment. “I kind of feel bad about saying this, after what happened to you, but I just don‟t want to have any regrets. You know?” Matt nodded. “I do,” he said. “I have regrets, and I wish I didn‟t. So I totally get where you‟re coming from. It‟s pretty much the same reason I haven‟t, not since that night.” They fell quiet, both of them watching their fingers twist and play together between them. Aaron finally broke the silence. “So, um, kind of… heavy there,” he said, lifting his eyes to meet Matt‟s. “Yeah,” Matt agreed. “I think… maybe we should call a time out after all that? I mean, it‟s a lot to take in. And if you don‟t want to have any regrets—”
Model Student | Shae Connor 50 “I don‟t think I would, Matt,” Aaron said, pinning Matt with his gaze. “I just want you to know that. But yeah. It‟s a lot. And we‟re still only at forty-eight hours.” They both grinned. “So… maybe we should try this again next weekend?” Matt shot him a more wicked grin in response, and Aaron laughed. “I don‟t mean this this. Well, at least not necessarily.” He winked. “But my week‟s gonna be pretty crazy, so the weekend‟s probably the best bet. Maybe dinner again? A movie? You tell me.” “Yeah,” Matt said. “I mean, I don‟t know what yet, but yes, I want to see you next weekend.” He gave Aaron the full-wattage smile, and Aaron‟s heart surged in his chest, like it was trying to jump into Matt‟s. Or like maybe it already had.
AARON‟S phone buzzed at him as he was leaving his last class on Monday, telling him he had a text message, and he smiled when he saw it was from Matt. How’s your Monday? Aaron paused, stepping to the edge of the sidewalk and out of the way of other pedestrians while he typed out his reply. Hectic. Classes all day, shoot tomorrow. Barely a chance to sleep. You? He didn‟t get a response until the next morning, just as he was starting to wonder if he ever would. He was walking into the studio for his shoot when the phone buzzed.
Model Student | Shae Connor 51 Happy Tuesday! Busy over here, too, obviously. Just now got a change to reply. Forgot to get your e-mail. Got something to send you. Curious, Aaron typed in his e-mail address and then quickly set up an alert to notify him when the message arrived. Another text alert came in before he had time to finish. Should probably warn you, don’t read until you get home. ;) Aaron bit his lip and forced himself to turn off his phone. He‟d never get through the shoot otherwise.
WHEN he finally made it back to his apartment late that evening, Aaron barely got the door closed behind him before he was reaching for his laptop and pulling up his e-mail. Sitting right on top of his inbox was Matt‟s message, with the subject line written after midnight. Aaron licked his lips as he opened it to read. Full lips cradled his penis like the finest glass, and a tongue swirled over the skin as if sampling a favorite candy. Suction, friction, vibration from soft moans all blended into a symphony of sensation that curled his toes. He let his fingers weave into soft hair, his hips moving in short thrusts, desperate for more. His tormenter changed the angle, intensifying the pressure almost to the point of pain. He felt teeth ever so lightly graze that spot just under the head and jerked like he’d touched a live wire. A finger touched the skin behind his balls, pressing up and back with gentle pressure.
Model Student | Shae Connor 52 He was far past even attempting to muffle his moans; it took all his concentration just to stay upright. Both hands were in action now, one applying gentle pressure to his balls, two fingers of the other rubbing little circles on his perineum. That sinful mouth drew back until it covered only the head of his cock, then shifted and slid all the way down. His eyes snapped shut, and he thought his entire body was going to explode if he didn’t come soon. So he did. It was a while after that before Aaron gathered himself enough to reply. Subject: re: written after midnight Shit. You really ARE trying to kill me, aren’t you? Have to go clean up now. He only had to wait a few minutes for Matt‟s response Subject: Maybe. There are worse ways to go. ;)
AARON‟S Wednesday was even busier than his Tuesday. He didn‟t even get to check his text messages until midafternoon, much less his e-mail. That turned out to be a good thing; the text message from Matt was tame, but not so for the e-mail. There was a lot to be said for dating a writer, Aaron decided. Now it was Thursday, and he was sweating, even with the air conditioning on full blast. One of the biggest downsides of modeling was doing everything two seasons off,
Model Student | Shae Connor 53 so here he was, posing in sweaters and corduroy. At least it was better than the parkas from Tuesday. He was glad to see Owen was the photographer again. They worked together well, which meant an easy day despite the discomfort from the clothes. Plus, maybe Jamie would show up, and he could say thanks for the introduction to Matt. It was after his fourth wardrobe change that he spied Jamie talking to Owen‟s assistant. Aaron grinned and walked over in their direction. Jamie looked up at him as he approached and smiled. “Hey,” Aaron said, holding out a hand. “Hey,” Jamie said, shaking it. “Guess things turned out okay?” “You mean Matt?” Aaron grinned. “Well, so far so good, anyway.” “Thank goodness,” Jamie said, rolling his eyes and grinning. “I swear, I thought he was going to drive me nuts. He‟s been going on about you for weeks, trying to figure out an in to meet you.” Aaron felt a chill run down his spine that had nothing to do with the blast of frigid air from the vents above them. “Mmm?” He hoped the noncommittal but questioning sound would encourage Jamie to keep talking. “Oh yeah, ever since he saw that Speedo ad.” Jamie kept talking, but Aaron had trouble hearing him through the buzzing in his ears. “He‟s been all „Jamie, you gotta help me figure out a way to meet this guy.‟ Such a relief when I got
Model Student | Shae Connor 54 here Friday and could call and tell him to get his whiny ass down here….” Jamie‟s voice died out as he caught the look on Aaron‟s face and realization hit. “Oh, um. Shit. He didn‟t tell you yet, did he?” Aaron shook his head slowly. “No.” Jamie turned beet red, like the haze seeping across Aaron‟s vision. “Shit. He‟s going to kill me.”
AARON was home from the shoot and pouring a second shot of whiskey from the bottle Greg had left after a party a few months earlier before he realized what he was doing. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, blowing it out slowly, trying to push away the anger that he knew was all out of proportion to what had happened. He reopened his eyes, capped the bottle, and poured the shot down the drain. He thought again, remembering Matt‟s confession from Sunday night, and poured out the rest of the bottle too. He threw a random screwball comedy into the DVD player and slouched into the sofa, trying not to think. It wasn‟t working. He felt like ants were crawling over his skin. An image of his father in one of his fits of anger appeared in his mind, and he shuddered. He buried his head in his hands and breathed deeply. He knew he was overreacting, but he couldn‟t seem to stop himself. He‟d grown up in the shadow of his father‟s lies of omission and convenience, and he had yet to fully overcome the myriad issues that had been left behind. The
Model Student | Shae Connor 55 knowledge that Matt hadn‟t been honest about their first meeting hit every one of Aaron‟s buttons and left him fighting to control his temper, something else with which he continued to struggle. He‟d learned that letting it dissipate on its own was sometimes the best method, so when his cell phone rang, he ignored it and the chime indicating a new voice mail. Five minutes later, he did it again. After he ignored the second phone call and voice mail, the text messages started. By the time the sixth one arrived, Aaron had cleared his head enough to check them and not fear another overreaction. The first three were straightforward apologies—the third was nothing but the word “sorry” repeated over and over until the character limit ran out—but the fourth was different. Yes, I saw your picture weeks before we met. I should have told you that up front, and I’m still sorry. But the reality is that I’ve waited 20 years to meet you. My heart got ahead of my head. Aaron swallowed and read the next two. I wasn’t just attracted to your looks in the ad I saw. There was something in your eyes that drew me in. I felt like I already knew you, like I’d known you in another lifetime. I had to find out. I’m not going to start stalking you or anything. I’ll leave you alone after this. But please, please, give me a chance to make up for this. I don’t know if my heart can let you go. Aaron‟s head dropped back against the back of the sofa and he squeezed his eyes shut. His heart throbbed in his chest. He didn‟t think it could let Matt go either.
Model Student | Shae Connor 56
MATT was true to his word. No more calls, text message, or e-mails arrived all day Friday. Aaron considered calling Matt several times, but he still felt jumpy, and he didn‟t want to risk saying things he‟d regret. He needed to finish his school project anyway, so he concentrated on that, thankful that it was so close to finished already that he managed to get it done despite his distracted state. He slept fitfully that night. His dreams were dark, filled with images of his father, a web of lies, and clouds of rage. He woke before sunrise, exhausted, but with the residual anger burned away as if it had never been. He felt back in control of himself, able to talk to Matt without saying or doing anything that neither of them deserved. He was halfway through his second cup of coffee and just thinking of picking up his phone to call Matt when the knock on his door came. He wasn‟t sure how he knew it was Matt, but he did. He made his way to the door, taking a deep breath before pulling it open. His heart clenched. He knew he‟d overreacted, but he hadn‟t considered until that moment that Matt might have done the same. Matt looked, to be blunt, like death warmed over. His hair hung limp, he had dark circles under his eyes, and his eyes were red. He wore a loose, faded T-shirt and jeans, and his backpack hung slack from his fingers. He was still the most beautiful thing Aaron had ever seen. “Can I come in?” Matt‟s voice was small, and he couldn‟t quite look Aaron in the eyes. “I mean, I know I don‟t deserve—”
Model Student | Shae Connor 57 “Don‟t.” Aaron cut him off, reaching to take Matt‟s free hand. “You made a mistake, yeah, and we need to talk about it. But it‟s okay.” Matt still didn‟t meet Aaron‟s eyes, but he nodded. “I— well.” He almost laughed, the short sound a parody of humor. “Jamie brought me. It‟s kind of a long story.” Aaron nodded. “Okay,” he said, tugging lightly on Matt‟s hand. “Why don‟t you come in and tell me?” Matt crossed the threshold slowly, as if he was afraid Aaron was going to shove him back out and slam the door in the face. Aaron felt like he was calming a spooked horse as he led Matt over to the sofa and silently urged him to sit. Matt pulled his hand away from Aaron‟s and seemed to shrink against the cushions, curling in on himself as he set the backpack down between his legs. He leaned forward, elbows on knees, hands covering his face. His words were muffled. “I didn‟t want to come,” he said. He pulled his hands back an inch. “No, that‟s not true. I wanted to come. I didn‟t think I should. I should just leave you alone.” Aaron sank onto the sofa next to him. “I don‟t think that would work very well for either of us,” he said. Matt turned his head to stare at him. “How do you not hate me right now?” he said. “I probably deserve it. I mean, after everything you told me about your dad and his lies.” “You don‟t deserve anything like that,” Aaron said firmly. “Yeah, sure, you made a mistake, but that happens. To all of us.” Matt held his gaze for a long moment before dropping his head and sighing. He reached into his backpack, pulled
Model Student | Shae Connor 58 out an unopened liter bottle of vodka, and set it on the coffee table in front of them. “I came home with that last night,” he said, staring at it. Aaron‟s heart froze in his chest. “Don‟t ask how I got it,” Matt went on. “I‟m an alcoholic. I know all the tricks. If Jamie hadn‟t been home when I got there, I probably would‟ve ended up shitfaced and puking in the toilet. If I were lucky. But he was there. He took the bottle away and shoved me right out the door, took me to the nearest AA meeting. He took me to another one this morning. And then he brought me here.” Aaron swallowed. He really wasn‟t sure what to say, so he didn‟t try to say anything. Instead he reached out a hand and laid it on Matt‟s leg, an anchor to help steady Matt. It was clear he needed it. Matt looked down at the hand for a long moment before he spoke again. “Last weekend you asked if I was half Italian, and I said it was a sore spot. That‟s because my biological father is Italian. He‟s about as hard-nosed a businessman as it gets. He‟s pretty ruthless and can be very cruel. One of my biggest fears is turning out to be like him. And what I did, lying to you about how we met, that‟s something he would do. And that scares the crap out of me. Almost as much as the thought of losing you because of it.” Aaron was shaking his head by the time Matt finished. “Matt, you‟re not the only one afraid of turning out like your father,” he said. “I already told you what happened with mine. He was an angry, hateful man, and every time I get the least bit mad about anything, especially when it‟s something that shouldn‟t be a big deal, it terrifies me.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 59 Matt lifted his head to meet Aaron‟s steady gaze. “And I made you angry,” he said. “I made you feel that.” Aaron nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “I‟m not going to pretend otherwise. It did make me angry. But Matt,” he said, turning to face him more fully, “I got way more angry than you deserved, and worse, I didn‟t even think about how you’d feel when you found out what happened. I still have a temper that gets the best of me sometimes. I don‟t always handle things well, especially things that remind me of my father and how he was. But I‟m not him. And you… you aren‟t your father.” Matt nodded in acknowledgement. “I just feel… dirty,” he said softly. “And not just because I haven‟t showered today. I feel like there‟s a stain inside that I‟ll never be rid of. Like I‟ll never be clean again.” Aaron couldn‟t help himself. He leaned forward and kissed him. “We all have stains, Matt,” he murmured. “We aren‟t perfect. But I think we‟ve already proven that we learn from our mistakes. Why should either of us think this time would be any different?” Matt studied Aaron‟s eyes, his own glistening with unshed tears. “What did I do to deserve you?” he whispered, the same note of wonder in his voice from the week before. “You loved me.” Aaron didn‟t know he was going to say it until he had, but he didn‟t regret it. Matt‟s eyes widened, and Aaron ran his thumb along Matt‟s cheek. “I know it‟s too soon to say it, but I don‟t care. It‟s the truth. You love me. And I love you.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 60 Matt didn‟t move for a long moment, but then he nodded slowly. “I do,” he said. “I know it‟s crazy, but I think I fell in love with you that first day over coffee.” Aaron smiled. “Not so crazy,” he said. “Not unless I‟m crazy too.” Matt was kissing him before he‟d finished speaking, and Aaron sighed into Matt‟s mouth. So right, so right, his mind echoed, the feeling spreading throughout his body. He all but whimpered when Matt pulled away, and it was with a great deal of reluctance that he opened his eyes. Matt was half-smiling at him. “Thank you,” he said softly. “Thanks for listening, and thanks for being willing to forgive me for screwing up. Thank you for… for loving me anyway.” He sat back. “I‟m going to leave the bottle here and let you get rid of it. And then maybe we can try the movie thing tomorrow?” He moved to stand up, but Aaron stopped him with a hand on his arm. “No,” he said. Matt looked at him. “No, what?” he said, hoarse. “No, you don‟t want to try again tomorrow?” Aaron shook his head, sliding over the last few inches until their thighs met and lifting his free hand to wrap into Matt‟s hair. “No, I don‟t want you to leave.”
AARON pulled Matt into a soft, gentle, soothing kiss. Matt was still at first, then suddenly responded, pressing his lips against Aaron‟s and sliding his hands up his arms. Aaron opened his mouth with a sigh, the tip of his tongue touching
Model Student | Shae Connor 61 and teasing Matt‟s for a few seconds before continuing on to seek out his taste. A moan rose up through Aaron‟s throat and into his mouth, where Matt immediately swallowed it and offered up an answer. Aaron‟s hands slid around to Matt‟s lower back, drawing him closer, and Matt reciprocated, moving his hands to the back of Aaron‟s neck, pulling Aaron in. Aaron leaned forward, intending to lower Matt back onto the sofa, but Matt resisted. “Hey,” he said against Aaron‟s mouth. “Not stopping anything here, I promise. I really am dirty, though.” He smiled. “I mean, I could actually use a shower.” Aaron smirked. “Well, luckily I have this really nice big shower with double showerheads.” His tone softened. “And maybe it‟ll be good to start off clean. In more ways than one.” Matt grinned, the dimples making their first return engagement since he‟d arrived on Aaron‟s doorstep. “So, clean, then dirty, then clean again? I‟m so there.” Aaron stood up and pulled Matt with him. “Well, let‟s get started, then.” They moved toward the bathroom together, kissing and peeling off layers one by one, shedding not just clothes but excess baggage as they went. They were down to boxers when they reached the shower, Aaron pulling away long enough to turn on the water and let it start warming up before returning to raise a different kind of heat. He kissed his way down Matt‟s neck as Matt wrapped his arms around Aaron‟s shoulders, and Matt moaned, the sound amplified by the tile walls. Aaron felt his cock twitch and sucked harder on the patch of skin under his mouth.
Model Student | Shae Connor 62 “God,” Matt murmured. “Aaron.” “Mmmm.” Aaron lifted his head and dived back into Matt‟s mouth. He slid his hands under the waistband of Matt‟s boxers and felt Matt doing the same for him. They pushed the last pieces of clothes down and away and stepped into each other, skin to skin, arms wrapping around each other. Aaron walked them backward into the shower and under the water, and Matt reached back to slide the shower door closed. Aaron drew away from Matt‟s mouth. “Hi there,” he said, grinning. Matt grinned back. “Hi yourself,” he said, hands sliding into Aaron‟s hair. “Nice of you to share your shower like this.” “Well, it is built to be shared,” he said, chuckling and pulling Matt closer again. “You wash my back and I‟ll wash yours?” Matt laughed, the happy sound echoing off the tiles. “Sounds like a plan,” he said. Aaron reached for the bottle of shower gel on the corner shelf. “Forgot to grab a washcloth,” he said, quirking up an eyebrow. “Guess we‟ll have to do this the old-fashioned way.” He poured out a palmful of liquid and returned the bottle to the shelf, then flipped a finger in the air. “Turn around,” he said softly, and Matt shot him a searing look and complied. Aaron was faced with a seemingly endless expanse of soft skin over firm muscle. He rubbed his hands together and began smoothing them across Matt‟s shoulders and down his back, rounding over the mounds of his perfect ass, curving back up his sides. Matt leaned forward and braced
Model Student | Shae Connor 63 his hands against the wall, breathing raggedly as Aaron continued washing him. “God, you‟re beautiful,” Aaron murmured, bending to run his soapy hands down Matt‟s legs. “When I got my first good look at you at the studio, I thought you must‟ve been a model too.” He nudged Matt‟s leg, urging him to turn around, and ran his hands back up Matt‟s body. He rose back to his feet and slid his hands onto Matt‟s hips, turning him slightly to let the water cascade over them, washing the soap and soil away and down the drain. Matt twisted back toward him, pressing against him from chest to knees, trapping Aaron between his body and the shower wall. Matt kissed him, openmouthed and full of want. “God, Matt,” Aaron moaned into the kiss. “I need… I need….” Matt pulled back, drawing a whimper from Aaron. “Hey,” he murmured. “Look at me.” Aaron did, meeting eyes black with lust. “It‟s not about need,” Matt said. “We don‟t have to do anything. This is what we want. We‟re choosing to be together.” Aaron nodded. “Yeah,” he said. He gave Matt a quick kiss. “I choose you,” he said. “And right now I really, really want you to touch me.” Matt smiled slowly, mouth open, eyes sparking. “Oh yeah?” he said. “You mean like this?” He wrapped his long fingers around Aaron‟s cock and stroked up once, hard and fast, stopping with just the head cupped in his hand. “Jesus.” Aaron‟s vision flashed white, and his head dropped forward, forehead coming to rest against Matt‟s. “Yeah. Yeah,” he managed, panting. “Like that.”
Model Student | Shae Connor 64 Matt stepped closer, bringing his body closer so he could take both their cocks together in his hand. He began stroking again, slower this time, twisting his wrist on every pass. He lifted his mouth back to Aaron‟s, and they kissed, gently at first, gradually deepening along with their arousal. Aaron felt like he was drowning in a sea of Matt. The water rushing down beside them sealed them off from the outside world, cocooning them together. Matt‟s hand and mouth seemed to know exactly what to do, exactly how to move to bring him to the pinnacle of pleasure. Aaron wanted more. And more. And Matt gave it. When they climaxed at nearly the same moment, Aaron couldn‟t quite tell which part was his and which was Matt‟s. They shuddered and moaned against each other, Aaron‟s fingertips digging into Matt‟s hips. It seemed to go on for hours, pleasure shooting out across Aaron‟s body in wave after wave, until he thought his legs were going to give out underneath him. Aaron leaned hard against the shower wall, trying to catch his breath, which was pretty tough, considering he still had a wet, naked Matt pressed against him. “Wow,” he finally managed. “Um, that was some first.” Matt snickered. “First shower orgasm?” he asked teasingly, running his hands up Aaron‟s arms. Aaron laughed. “Oh hell no,” he said. He sobered quickly and ran a finger along the side of Matt‟s face. “But it was my first with someone else.” Matt looked almost as surprised as he had when Aaron told him he was a virgin. “Seriously?” he said. “I mean, I know you‟re…. But I didn‟t think—”
Model Student | Shae Connor 65 “Yeah,” Aaron said, dropping a quick kiss on Matt‟s mouth. “I meant totally. Never did anything more than kiss until, well.” He laughed again. “Until about twenty minutes ago, actually.” “Wow.” Matt smiled, slowly. “So I really am your first.” “Mmhmm,” Aaron said, cupping Matt‟s face in his hands. “And I‟m really hoping you‟ll be the only.”
THE water started running colder then, so they left the shower in favor of drying each other off teasingly with oversized towels. Aaron flicked the end of his at Matt‟s backside, earning a shout of laughter and resulting in his being pinned up against the vanity, with Matt‟s tongue exploring his mouth and his hands canvassing new and interesting parts of Aaron‟s body. Soon they lay tangled together, side by side on Aaron‟s bed, kissing more slowly but just as thoroughly. Matt‟s mouth wandered away from Aaron‟s, across his jawline and down his neck. Aaron sighed and settled back against the pillows, running his fingertips up and down Matt‟s back. Matt covered Aaron‟s chest with kisses, sucked at his nipples, nibbled his way down the trail of hair leading toward his cock. Aaron breathed faster as Matt‟s mouth grew closer to where he wanted it most. He slid his hands into Matt‟s hair, which was quickly becoming one of their favorite places to be, although he was really looking forward to scouting out many more favorite places.
Model Student | Shae Connor 66 “Tell me what you want, Aaron,” Matt murmured, breath brushing across the tip of Aaron‟s cock, making it jump and tingle. “Mmmm,” Aaron rasped. “You expect me to be able to think right now?” Matt chuckled and ran his tongue around the head. “Doesn‟t have to be a magnum opus,” he said. “I just want to know.” “Okay.” Aaron cleared his throat. “How about that email you sent?” “Mmm, good choice.” Matt immediately went to work recreating the words he‟d written. He slid his mouth around Aaron‟s hard cock, tongue swirling and licking. He moaned into Aaron‟s skin, and Aaron‟s toes really did curl against the sheets. Matt‟s hands joined in the delicious torture, fingers cupping Aaron‟s balls and stroking the sensitive skin below. His mouth tightened, head dipped down farther, throat opening until his nose touched Aaron‟s pubic hair. He drew back slowly, sucking hard along Aaron‟s entire length, lips popping off the end. Aaron peeled his eyes open, not sure when he‟d closed them, and looked down at Matt. He was grinning again, those dimples perfectly framing lips gone red from use. That mouth opened, and he sucked just the head of Aaron‟s cock back inside, tongue flicking, never breaking their gaze. “Shit.” Aaron‟s hips surged up, out of his control, and Matt broke away, laughing.
Model Student | Shae Connor 67 “Good?” he asked, and Aaron fell back against the mattress, gasping. “Jesus,” Aaron ground out, shivering. “Jesus.” “I‟ll take that as a yes,” Matt said, sliding back up Aaron‟s body and sucking one earlobe like he‟d just been sucking Aaron‟s dick. Aaron whimpered and pulled Matt half on top of him, grinding their hips and lips together. “Aaron,” Matt murmured into his mouth. “Aaron, Aaron, Aaron.” Aaron chuckled roughly. “You rang?” Matt rose up onto his hands and knees, straddling Aaron, bending to press a quick kiss on his lips. “Aaron,” he said again. “I want you.” Aaron nodded. “Yeah, me too,” he said. “No.” Matt shook his head. “I mean now.” He lowered his head and whispered into Aaron‟s ear. “I want a new memory, something I‟ll never have to regret. I want to feel you. Inside me.” Aaron felt as if his last few remaining brain cells exploded. He groaned into Matt‟s shoulder, his fingers grasping at Matt‟s hair like a lifeline. He hadn‟t been sure what Matt would want, hadn‟t been sure what he wanted, but just hearing Matt say it was enough to make being inside him the thing he wanted more than anything else in the world. He caught his breath and leaned back, meeting Matt‟s eyes. “Yeah,” he said softly. “Yeah, I want that too.” He paused. “How do you…?”
Model Student | Shae Connor 68 Before he could even finish the question, Matt pushed off to one side and lay on his stomach, then pulled his legs up under him, lifting his lower back and ass into the air. He braced himself low on his forearms and buried his forehead against the pillow. “Like this,” he said, voice rough. “This is how it… like this.” Aaron‟s breath stuttered in his chest. Matt was totally exposed to him, trusting, and Aaron‟s heart swelled. He pushed himself up slowly and moved down the mattress, settling himself between Matt‟s legs. He leaned forward and ran the flats of his palms from the backs of Matt‟s knees up his thighs and onto his back, swirling out when he reached his shoulders and coming back down along his sides. He reversed course and followed the same path back down and up again, hands finally coming to rest on Matt‟s hips. He leaned forward and ran his tongue up the length of Matt‟s spine, then rained kisses back down. Matt drew in a shuddering breath and let it back out, relaxing under Aaron‟s touch. Aaron crawled to the side of the bed and retrieved a condom and the bottle of lube he‟d purchased the previous weekend. He ripped open the condom wrapper and leaned forward to slide it into Matt‟s hand. “Here, keep that handy, would you?” he said, and Matt chuckled in response. Aaron went slowly, as much for himself as for Matt. He wanted to remember every moment of this, the sound and smell and feel of it. He poured out lube onto his fingers and drew them carefully down the crease of Matt‟s ass, pressing
Model Student | Shae Connor 69 and circling gently against his hole. Matt sighed and pushed back just slightly, silently asking for more. Aaron gave it. He slipped his middle finger inside, just up to the first knuckle, and circled it softly. Matt whimpered and shifted again, and Aaron pushed in farther. Matt lifted his head from the pillow. “More,” he said hoarsely. “Please. Aaron.” Aaron took him at his word, replacing one finger with two and searching until he found the spot that make Matt jerk and shout his name. Aaron was so hard he could barely think straight, but he fought to rein in his body, to make this about both of them, not just about him. He waited until Matt was fucking himself on three fingers, hoarse and practically incoherent, before he reached for the condom Matt still held. His fingers shook as he unrolled the latex and covered it with lube. His hands shook as he reached for Matt‟s hips. His legs shook as he lined himself up. His world shook as he slid inside. He stopped two inches in, intending to wait for Matt to give him a signal to keep going, but Matt wasn‟t having it. He whined and shoved back against Aaron, pulling him farther in, and Aaron pushed back in one smooth motion until he was buried to the hilt. He held himself there, leaning forward to kiss the top of Matt‟s spine, sliding his hands up to cup Matt‟s shoulders. Matt whimpered and pushed back again. “Oh God,” he moaned. “God, Aaron. Move.” Aaron moved. His hips seemed to know exactly what to do, which was good, considering his brain was otherwise occupied. He licked sweat off Matt‟s back, heard them both
Model Student | Shae Connor 70 grunting, inhaled their mixed scents. Taste, texture, sound, smell all blended into a kaleidoscope of pleasure. Bright colors raced out along Aaron‟s nerve endings and seemed to burst into the air between them. He gathered enough sense to reach around and take Matt‟s cock in hand, jerking in short, quick strokes. “Fuuuuuuuuuuck,” Matt groaned out. “Oh God, oh God, I‟m gonna….” He came then, hard and fast, hot liquid erupting over Aaron‟s hand, ass clamping down around Aaron‟s cock. Aaron‟s breathing stopped and he felt like he was going to swallow his tongue for a long moment, and then everything everywhere inside his body let go and poured out inside Matt.
THEY lay tangled together again afterward, Matt having grabbed one of their towels to clean them up. Aaron couldn‟t seem to stop smiling, but then Matt appeared to be having the same problem, so they kissed that way, grin to grin. Matt‟s lips drifted away from Aaron‟s mouth and across his cheek. “I forgot to tell you earlier,” he said between kisses, “but I wasn‟t lying about the thesis project. I still want to include you in that if you‟re okay with it.” “Well, you might be a little bit biased, but okay.” Aaron‟s smile widened. “Oh, and Matt?” “Yeah?” “I forgot to tell you earlier too, but just for the record… they let me keep the Speedo.”
About the Author
SHAE CONNOR lives in Atlanta, where she works for the government by day and reads and writes about pretty boys falling in love by night. She‟s been making up stories for as long as she can remember, but it took her a long time to figure out that maybe she should start writing them down. Now, she usually has far too many stories in progress, but when she does manage to tear herself away from her laptop, she enjoys running, hiking, cooking, and traveling, not necessarily in that order. Shae posts short reviews, drabbles, and thoughts on writing and editing at her blog, http://shaeconnor.blogspot.com. You can contact her at
[email protected].
Copyright
Model Student ©Copyright Shae Connor, 2010 Published by Dreamspinner Press 4760 Preston Road Suite 244-149 Frisco, TX 75034 http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors’ imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. Cover Art by Paul Richmond http://www.paulrichmondstudio.com This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines, and/or imprisonment. This eBook cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this eBook can be shared or reproduced without the express permission of the Publisher. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press at: 4760 Preston Road, Suite 244-149, Frisco, TX 75034 http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ Released in the United States of America October 2010 eBook Edition eBook ISBN: 978-1-61581-653-8
