Living Love and Our Father

Living Love Our Father

Living Love Meditations on the New Testament

Our Father Meditations on the Lord's Prayer RUTH BURROWS

Darton, Longman and Todd London

This edition first published in 1990 by Darton, Longman and Todd Ltd 89 Lillie Road, London SW6 1UD

Living Love: first published in 198 5 by Darton, Longman and Todd Ltd © 1985 Ruth Burrows Illustrations © 1985 Elizabeth Ruth Obbard Our Father: first published in 1986 by Darton, Longman and Todd Ltd © 1986 Ruth Burrows This edition© 1990 Darton, Longman and Todd Ltd British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

Burrows, Ruth Living love: meditations on the New Testament. 1. Lord's Prayer - Devotional works I. Title 232 ISBN o-23 2-51915-3

Phototypeset by Input Typesetting Ltd, London Printed and bound in Great Britain b y Courier International Ltd, Tiptree, Essex

Living Love Meditations on the New Testament RUTH BURROWS Illustrated by ELIZABETH RUTH OBBARD

Contents Leaning on the Lord Friend ofJesus

13

Christ our Sun

15

The Surrendered One

17

I

Die Daily

18

Chosen and Redeemed

20

Gift of the Father

22

Sacrificial Love

24

Growth to Maturity

26

Jesus our Brother

28

The Way of Discipleship Light in the Lord

29

Being For-God

31

Alert and Alive

33

A Heart o f Compassion

35

The Work of Faith

36

One with Christ

38

Heart and Flesh

39

True Fasting

40

5

Loving Others

41

Forgiveness

42

Authority is Service

44

Challenge and Response The People of Nazareth

46

The Lawyer

48

The Rebellious Servants

50

Dives and Lazarus

52

The Man at Bethzatha

54

The Centurion

56

Mary of Bethany

57

Conformed to Christ A Listening Ear

59

'Yes' in the Lord

61

Sign of Contradiction

63

Life's Only Meaning

65

True Zeal

66

Wholeheartedness

68

All for God

70

Ever Present

72

Gift and Witness

73

The Apostolate of Prayer

75

Trustful and Forgiving

77

6

With Jesus in his Passion I Lay Down my Life

79

To Jerusalem and Death

81

Preparing the Pasch

83

The Hour of Redemption

8s

Eucharistic Self-Giving

87

I Go to the Father

89

The Promise of Resurrection

91

Concluding Prayer

93

Maranatha

95

7

Note These short meditations were originally delivered orally during the course of the Lenten Office as reflections on some point of the day's liturgical texts. The author had only her Carmelite community in mind when she spoke, but it seemed to several people that a wider audience might benefit from her insights. My thanks to Sister Bernadette of Newry Carmel who so generously undertook the preliminary editorial work, and of course to Ruth Burrows for allowing me to arrange and adapt her community talks for a more general readership. My warm thanks, too, to Sister Wendy Beckett for the Marantha on the last page and for inspiration with some of the translations from the Bible. The majority of the scriptural quotations are taken from The Jerusalem Bible, published and copyright 1 966, 1967 and 1 96 8 by Darton, Longman and Todd Ltd and Doubleday & Co. Inc. , by permission of the publishers. ELIZABETH RUTH OBBARD

Editor

9

]esu, were you nothing but a memory How fra grant would that memory be! But 0, you are m y living Love, Sweetness itself, my life's delight. Music of unearthly timbre Of soaring jo y no human ear can catch. Bea uty, beyond the frontiers of thought ]esu, God's dear and holy Son. ('Jesu dulcis memoria', trans. R.B.)

11

Leaning on the Lord Friend ofJesus I call

you friends. Oohn 15: 1 5)

Jesus calls us friends insofar as we go to him, cling to him, hang onto his words, scrutinize his deeds, his attitudes, his sense of values, in order to know the Father and do his will. To be a friend of Jesus is to have as our sole reason for living the accomplishment of the Father's will in us and through us. This is the way Jesus was. Jesus is our Way because he refused to have any way of his own except what the Father ordained for him; our Truth because he did not stand on anything as coming from himself but only as shown him by the Father; our Life because he was utterly selfless, an emptiness for the Father's love.

13

Nearly everyone (perhaps we have to say 'everyone', at least to begin with), in setting out to climb the mountain to meet God, is really after something for self. In so far as our poor, blind seeking is genuine, God is able to work to purify our motivation. This must cost us bitterly. A fundamental resolution which, if we can hold on to it hour after hour, will leave us completely open to him and certain of our goal, is simply that God shall have all, everything he asks moment by moment. Nothing shall matter to me any more. I have ceased to be important to myself. · I stay rooted in the heart of Jesus, drawing on the endless resources of my Way, Truth and Life - my Friend. He is steadfastly loyal to me; and on my side I must never let him down. This is possible only when I live in his heart and let him share his Father with me. This is 'leaning on the Beloved' .

14

Christ our Sun God so loved the world that he gave up his own Son . .. for us. (cf. John p6)

These familiar words may have no impact on our minds or imaginations. Rather, as some of us confronted with the size and distance of stars remain untouched, so these words mirror a knowledge beyond the range of our faculties. Are they then to remain dead? To drop like a stone on a frozen lake, leaving the water beneath undisturbed? No. We are dealing with a God ever present to our deepest selves. Though the mind cannot compass him, he can encompass us, touch our deepest centre, so that we can act out in our daily, hourly lives, our faith in this absolute love of God, and his commitment to us. God so loved the world . . . For the exceeding great love God had towards us - when we had put ourselves far, far, far away from him and were trapped, morose, dying a dead death He came to us, stooped to us, caught us up in the living heart of his Son, healed our crookedness, unwound our bonds, transformed our despair into joyful hope and praise.

15

The cry is still echoing: 'Arise you sleepy ones! You are still only half awake! Christ is shining on you like the newly risen sun, summoning you from death to the very fullness of life in him! ' Once knowledge of God's exceeding love becomes real knowledge - part of my very being - then there will be no stopping me. Exceeding love will drive me on to give myself totally to God and my neighbour.

16

The Surrendered One I am testifying on my own behalf. Oohn 8 : 1 4)

'I am my own testimony . . . ' for anyone with eyes to see. Jesus alone can say this. 0 peerless life of surrendered love! And he can say it only because the Father enabled him to become what he is. In him is the fullness of God giving himself to man, and the fullness of man offering himself to God. In Jesus there was never any gap between what he was and what he should have been. With us there always lS.

But if we really accept Jesus, really surrender to him, make him our way, truth, life, our only holiness, then the gap in us is closed and the Father can bear testimony to us also: 'My son, my beloved. '

17

I Die Daily No one takes my life, I lay it down of my own free will. Oohn 1 0: 1 8)

'I lay down my life of my own free will, ' says Jesus, with humble pride. No one takes it from me, I give it. And the Father's answer to this act of blind trust and love is - Resurrection, glorification. Jesus' actual physical death was the perfect summing up, the consummation, of a death he had accepted from the first and which had been going on throughout his earthly life. So it is with us. Our final, supreme act of love and trust is the acceptance of final dissolution, but this will have only the intensity and reality of our daily accept­ ance of death. We fight against this dying with every fibre of our natural being. When Jesus says he has power to lay down his life he is meaning that the Father empowers him to do it, for over and over again he stresses that he has no power of his own, no will of his own. In our turn we know that we have no power of ourselves to accept death. Yet as Jesus is empowered by the Father and is utterly certain of this enablement because the Father has asked him to do as he does, so we are utterly certain of being able to accept to die daily in the power we draw from Jesus' own surrender.

18

We can never accept it of ourselves, it runs so counter to what we naturally want; but in the surrender that flows from Jesus we can. The tiniest blow to self and we jump to defend that self, ward off the attack - be it against our comfort, our convenience, our self-image, our reputation, our security . . . If we don't succeed we submit passively because we have no alternative. But this is not what Jesus asks of us - 'I la y it down of my own free will. ' If only we could live our days with that written on our hearts, so that when death knocks in one way or another we instinctively accept; 'I ch oose to let it go . . . I give it away . ' As the Father found supreme joy in Jesus for the freedom he gave him to act in him with power, so he will find j oy in us. 'My Father loves me because I lay down my life day by day, hour by hour. ' Were there no promise . . . 'I take it again, a new, full life' . . . , surely j ust being a joy to the Father in this way would be reward enough. Jesus would have thought so. But the Father would never ask for useless sacrifice. The Father seeks only to love us to the end, to the uttermost fullness of love. If he asks us to die it can only be that we may receive the very fullness of life.

19

Chosen and Redeemed It has pleased your Father to give you the kingdom. (Luke I 2:32)

The heart of Christianity is the wonderful fact that we are already redeemed. It has all been done for us. Now, we find this almost impossible to believe. Our problem is that we are bedevilled with the notion that we have to do it all ourselves. We come to a knowledge of our wretchedness, of the evil deep within us. We find ourselves in such a disgusting mess that the conclusion is drawn: it's hopeless, I'm so bad, I'm not a good Christian. I'm a hypocrite even being in the church and gomg through the motions! This is all wrong, says Jesus. Just because you are like that, provided you cling to me, believe in me, honour me by blind trust, I can do everything for you, transform you into myself. To believe this is to believe in the true God, the God who really is, the God Jesus reveals as Father, and who wants nothing from us but trust. He is there with his arms outspread, eagerly awaiting our going to him. There is nothing to delay or hinder us -

20

only believe, go to him, cling to him, never leave, believe utterly in his power and will to save. Then I can do all things in him who strengthens me. With Jesus I can consent to lay down my life for love of this Father; sure that he enables me to do so by infusing his life within me. It has pleased your Father to give you the kingdom.

21

Gift of the Father The Father himself loves you. Oohn 1 6 : 27)

His own Son is the Father's gift to us, and we must creep into that Son's welcoming heart, content to shelter in his holiness, his goodness, his wisdom. There is no place for human pride in the presence of God. We have no holiness, goodness or wisdom of our own. So to be made consciously aware that we are spiritually inadequate, faulty, wretched - that we fail and sin - is a precious grace. Pride would make us angry with ourselves, or discour­ aged. Or on the other hand it might come into play further back and not allow us to become aware of our failings. It would provide us with the knack of sweeping them under the carpet, so we didn't have to face them. Christian humility quietly faces up to all this without anger or discouragement. It calls to mind that there is One who always did his Father's will; who offers the Father perfect love and worship. And this One is the Father's gift to us. From the shelter of the Son's heart we go on trying, with him, to do always what pleases the Father; but at the same time never wanting to feel we are becoming holy and good, without spot or wrinkle. 22

Never are we more truly in Christ Jesus than when, deeply conscious of our sinfulness, we peacefully rest in the heart of our Redeemer - the Risen One.

23

Sacrificial Love The Father, who is the source of life. Qohn s:z6)

The Father has given to Jesus his own prerogative of giving life. He has also given him the right to judge because he is the Son of Man. In the Gospel of John the title, Son of Man, always denotes the sacrificed one, the holy Lamb. And it is because Jesus is the slain Lamb that he has the power and right to judge. Why is this so? This Lamb opened not his 'mouth. There was in him no element of evil. He stood before us who found him worthy of annihilation. We oppressed him. We killed him. Our evil found nothing in him as ally - not the least stirring of retaliation, only immense pity and love.

24

The Father returns him to us in Resurrection - as our judge. And how does he judge us? The Risen Jesus has only one message: absolute forgive­ ness, total acceptance, total gift of himself to us if only we receive him. This is judgement. And behind Jesus stands the Father. Jesus tells us that he is only acting out of his Father's heart, his Father's will. Jesus has no self-drives, he is pure receptacle for the Father's revelation and will. Thus Jesus - infinite pity, forgiveness, acceptance, is a revelation of the Father: 'You alone can heal me because you my sins have grieved. ' How different, how utterly different, from our own ideas of justice!

25

Growth to Maturity You must be born from above. Oohn 3:7)

To 'be born from above': this demands a listening ear, a disciple's ear. Each morning he wakes me to hear, to listen like a disciple. We are not born full men and women. We are born members of the human race and given the command to become man, to become woman. This is our primary life-task. It is not automatic. It is not inevitable. It means following the example of Jesus' patience, his endurance; accepting the Cross. There is no becoming man without this. To be woman or to be man means living outside myself, emptied, obedient, given away to others, wholly sacrificed, enduring all things in love. It means being governed by the will of God in duty and service to others, and not by my own wishes, emotions, ups and downs, whims, insecurities, compulsions. This selflessness can only be attained by bitter struggle, and in this Jesus gives us the example. This is how Jesus lived, this is how he became man­ by always listening to his Father, by having ears for nothing else but to know the Father's will and fulfil it, no matter what the cost.

26

We can truly say that the mystery of the Cross is the mystery of Jesus becoming Man, man in his truth and fullness. Jesus was perfected as Man in his death a·nd resurrection. We are Jesus' disciples and we must hang on his words, resolutely determined to have no other aim in life than the perfect fulfilment of the Father's will . . I set my face like flint . . I shall not be moved . . . by his help. .

.

27

Jesus our Brother My son, you are with me always and alii have is yours. (Luke 15:31 )

In the parable of the prodigal son these are the words of the father addressed to his mean firstborn. Let us read them as the Father addressing his selfless, utterly loving Firstborn: 'My Son, you are always with me and everything I have is yours'. In the Gospel of John Jesus affirms this - 'all you have is mine and all I have is yours, especially the men and women you have given me. ' This Gospel celebrates the mutual j oy the Father and the Son have in us; their delight in the great work of redemption; the joy that is in heaven because we are brought back to the Father, brought back to life in Christ. 'It was only right we should rejoice, because your brother here was dead and has come to life; he was lost and is found. ' How tender and beautiful the words of the Father to Jesus, 'your brother'. What a joy for us to be considered thus!

28

The Way ofDiscipleship Light in the Lord Anyone who follows me will not be walking in the dark. Oohn 8:12)

From the start of our spiritual j ourney we are handi­ capped. Our disorders blind us. And if we are blinded by our disorders it means we aren't going to realize how disordered we are. We may well think that we are mortified, that we do live for God alone. This com­ placency is the effect of our blindness. How on earth are we to break out of this vicious circle? We are blind so we don't realize that our appetites are running after selfish ends, and the more we run after them the blinder we become. The ultimate answer is Jesus Christ our Lord, who has broken the trap. But we don't see how we fail to follow his teaching; that again is part of our blindness. We follow him in a rough and ready sort of way, but not in that 'perfect' way he expects of us. However, he is always pouring his light into us. He helps us to see what, unaided, we cannot see. He is always trying to stir our will to greater love. If we respond and earnestly want his light we shall get it. Jesus does not force his light on us. We have to let him in with his flashlight; and we must really want to see.

29

So I invite you to open your door and let him in. Let him hold up his torch in your little chamber and reveal the cobwebs, spiders and dusty little idols. Let his torch scan your inner selves. Let us ask if we are wholly and unreservedly living for God? Or do we allow ourselves to listen to the first whisperings of evil, of resentment, of anger against another? Do we give way to curious, interfering reflec­ tions on our neighbours . . . to doubt, anxiety, depression, scruples and so forth? The all-important moment is the first one. Resist the first attack and we have conquered: give in and the whole thing gathers momentum, blinds us, over­ whelms us. We must cling to God as survivors to a spar, cling desperately, never letting go. And we can be sure that he will prove a rock to us, a rock that is not only steady under our feet, but that hides us from evil.

30

Being For-God They put honour from men befot'e the honour that comes from God. Oohn 12:43)

Our enslavement to human respect! Human respect is allowing the opinion of men to be more important than the truth of God. We have to try to stand always before our Lord, to act in perfect truth before him and before men - and take the consequences. We must be free of human respect so that we can keep the gaze of our hearts on God alone. But think what we do. We perhaps blunder and find it so hard to admit simply - we want to hide it, modify its proportions. We are shy about asking for something we want - we camouflage it, go beating round the bush. What an impediment this is! On the whole we are quite ready to speak disparagingly of ourselves, but not too happy when others do so. And that's the real test of genuineness: 'Think little of yourself . . . and endeavour that others do likewise. ' Qohn of the Cross) There is a universal subservience to human respect. It is something so universal, operating nearly all the time, that unless we are shown it we do not see it, at least in its more subtle forms. We crave to be somebody, to be important, to get a feel of ourselves as mattering. Of course we matter, 31

absolutely, to God - but this isn't what we want! We want an importance flowing from our own self, our own worth and merits. Our natural being claims inde­ pendence, a right to fulfilment. But man's essence, man's true being, is a 'for-God­ ness'. This actually constitutes a human being. It is not something added to my being, not a part of my human reality - it is the whole of me. My very being is a self­ communication of God; the measure of my being is the measure of God's self-communication to me. The more fully God communicates himself to me (and this depends on me), the more fully I am. I am fully when God has been allowed to give himself to me to the extent of my capacity. This is union with God. Jesus is the One in whom this self-communication of God was plenary, 'in him dwells all the fullness of God . . . ' and it is for this reason we can say he is God. We can say he is God only because he is fully man - all his potential for-God-ness was activated and fulfilled. Understanding this fundamental truth of man's being we can work more speedily and thoroughly at our reorientation towards God alone. However, my natural being, which is what I experience of myself, rej ects all this. So to affirm my absolute for­ God-ness in practice calls for the leap of faith, and utmost generosity based on faith. To live in continual affirmation of my true being calls for self-denial. I must not put honour from men before the honour that comes from God. 32

Alert and Alive Blessed are those servants if he finds them alert. (Luke 1 2:38)

'I want to be on the alert for our Lord, determined to take no notice of myself, of whether I am happy or not, suffering or not.' The cultivation of this attitude is necessary if we want to belong wholly to God . We must learn to ignore our emotional states. How important this is, and how few grasp it! Feelings are important and play an enormous part in our maturing as human beings, but only when they are controlled, made to serve, not dominate us. Unless we are fully alert to this fact and have determined to get control of our emotional life we fall into all sorts of wrong thinking and doing. Our range of needs, of wants, is vast. Beginning with our lower needs - how our feelings can change with the weather! Given a beautiful spring morning worries drop off us, for a while we feel bright and happy. If we are chilled to the bone, hungry, how readily we feel miserable. If we think we are well-liked, are successful, we feel gay and confident. If we think we are not appreciated we feel unhappy. When we have interesting work that engages our creativity we feel full of joy; when we have to go on day after day with monotonous, dull work, we can feel depressed. The list is endless and what is said here is surely obvious.

33

What is not obvious is how easily we fail to recognize how these changing states of feeling, these drives for immediate satisfaction of one kind or another, and dread of the opposite, rule us. They dictate and govern our judgements, decisions, actions . . . How common it is for our estimation of people to rest on how we 'feel' about them. In some way they please us, we understand their type and we judge them favour­ ably. Whereas someone who makes us feel uneasy, isn't like us, seems to slight us, put us in the shade, or threatens us in some way, is judged unfavourably. The same happens with events. It is not at all easy for us to stand back absolutely from ourselves and judge people and events as they are. (And we can never do this absolutely- one of the reasons why we must never presume to judge others. ) How often we hear complaints: 'I can't pray; I can't believe God loves me; life seems empty . . . ' All that is being said is that the emotional state is painful, contrary to what we want. We have to learn to live by our faith not by our emotions. Unless we do this we can never become truly spiritual, we can never be liberated from the tyranny of self.

34

A Heart of Comp assion Be compassionate as your Father is compassionate. (Luke 6:36)

God is the author of all tender-heartedness and goodness. Misericors - a heart always inclined to another in compassion, a pitiful heart. A heart that is always good - that is, wishing good to another. Wherever we meet these qualities, there, we can be sure, is God. We have to be perfect as our Father is perfect, and especially as he is perfect in these qualities. Let me look at my heart. Is it unfailingly tender towards others? Unfailingly bent on their good? Or do I see that there is a lot of hardness there? Am I perhaps kind to some, but not to others? Kind at sometimes but not always? Not when I am upset, put­ out, hurt . . . ? Do I wish well to others only when their good doesn't conflict with what I think is mine? God is the fount of tender-heartedness and goodness. Ask him for the grace to drink deeply of this fountain. Want these God-like qualities with all your heart. Seize the opportunities each day offers to exercise them, no matter how much it costs pride and self-interest.

35

The Work of Faith Work for your salvation 'in fear and trembling'. (Philippians 2: 12)

I

� To work at a resolution never to murmur or complain, is a practical way of co-operating with the Father. Whatever he asks me to bear, I can bear with him. Complaints, even interior ones, mean I am not looking at him, my Father, who has infinite care of me. 'Work with fear and trembling. ' What earnestness this suggests, what anxiety - of the right kind - to do his will; what an awareness that we are weak and blind, and have no ability as from ourselves to cope with life, to really give ourselves. This 'fear and trembling' is nevertheless underpinned with a marvellous confidence. God himself is at work in us. He is giving us the desire to please him, and he will enable us to do so.

We must hold these two strands together: 1 . A profound awareness of God and the demands he must make on us - utterly beyond our unaided strength; together with: 2. Absolute confidence that all things are possible with him. The impossible is actually possible. Rarely are these two strands held adequately together. On the one hand we may feel confident, but it is only because we haven't faced up to the all-ness of God's demands, and so aren't unduly troubled. On the other hand, having glimpsed something of them, we lack confidence in him. We think we have to do it by ourselves. The result is, we never fling ourselves in; we continue to j ust sit on the bank and dangle our feet.

37

One with Christ Can you drink the cup that I am going to drink? (Matthew 20:22)

Union with Jesus consists not in sitting in glory but in sharing his cup of shame, opprobrium, dishonour and powerlessness. These are the things in his mind when he offers us his cup, not the physical sufferings of his passion. How can we share this cup in our daily life? By renouncing all power and every desire for it, every manoeuvre to obtain what we want, to prevail over others; by taking an attitude of unimportance and subj ection to the community; by rejecting the right to insist on our rights; by sacrificing the image we have of ourselves and which we sensitively want upheld in our own eyes and that of others; renouncing all desire for status, of being important to others. The cup Jesus wants to share with us is that of selfless love, which is its own reward- he offers no other. We think we know what the chalice contains and express our eagerness to drink it. When it comes to the point, when it comes to drinking the above bitter ingredients, we turn away from it with loathing.

Heart and Flesh With desire I have desired. (Luke 22: 15)

If we would be all God's we must admit only one desire; that of pleasing our Father. He cannot be had just for the asking. It calls for a lifetime of effort - sustained effort. It is worked out in our daily life. We chasten, discipline, control our bodiliness (which is none other than ourself) in relation to everything and everyone around us, which and whom we can contact only through our bodies. This is so that our hearts burn with one single pure desire - for God . 'I give Christ my body to make up what i s still to be suffered, the pain he must still endure, for the sake of his body the Church. '

39

True Fasting When the bridegroom is taken away from them, that will be fasting indeed for the wedding guests. (Luke s:3 5)

What if we were to interpret every privation we feel, physical or emotional, as a real opportunity for expressing concretely our longing for the Bridegroom? To accept the cold, monotonous food however it is served, lack of comforts . . . In all these things and others we are saying in an effective way: 'I long for the Bridegroom. ' This is what 'fasting' must be - the outward sign of a heart utterly sincere in its desire for God. Fasting from our own self-will, self-seeking - these are the practical ways in which we express our desire to be all for him. To refrain from complaining or grumbling, to think nothing of anything that crosses us, is an expression of our longing for the Bridegroom - and one that capti­ vates him.

Loving Others In so far as you did this to one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did it to me. (Matthew 25:40)

' In the evening of life you will be examined on love. ' In the parable of the sheep and the goats Jesus makes it devastatingly clear that in the end it is only love of neighbour that counts - nothing else. We shall not be examined on prayer, poverty, obedience or any of the other virtues; not because they are inessen­ tial but because they are real only insofar as we are wholly concerned with our neighbour. You can't pray, obey, or be truly poor, says our Lord, unless you are wholly taken up with your brother's needs. It is the 'least' we must be concerned with: this implies and demands the absence of all self-seeking, j ust unre­ mitting devotion. No human heart is capable of such devotion, but Jesus asks it because what is impossible to man is possible to God. He has identified himself with us completely 'you did it, did it not . . . to me' - so that he may be our life. What he asks we can therefore fulfil if we really want to, if we pray from our hearts, if we really take the trouble to do all we can do. 41

Forgiveness How often must I forgive my brother? (Matthew 1 8 : 2 1 )

Perhaps the 'work' that best expresses faith 1s forgiveness. Jesus clearly saw that lack of forgiveness was one of the most blatant characteristics of the people around him, and he seemed to appreciate how hard it is to forgive absolutely and forever. This is because we have no real grasp of what God has done and continually does for us. Our lack of insight makes us critical, intolerant, unfor­ giving. We tend to think we have been splendid when we have taken a snub silently, overlooked what seemed like hurtful behaviour on the part of another. It isn't like that at all, Jesus says. You are bound to have pity and to forgive. It isn't a work of supererogation but sheer bounden duty. Think of the little things I take umbrage at, react to, or perhaps cope with quite virtuously according to my own estimation . . .

Now Jesus isn't saying: 'I understand, my poor dear; yes, you have been badly treated and you did very well not to lose your temper or answer back.'

42

On the contrary he is saying: 'It is unthinkable that you should take any notice whatever of such things, and you wouldn't if you had the slightest idea of what your heavenly Father is always doing for you. What if he were to treat you in that miserable, miserly, unloving way!'

43

Authority is Service Tht ttachtrs of tht Law havt sat in tht chair of Mosts, so you must obty tvtrything thty ttlI you. (Matthew 23 :2)

Jesus tells his disciples unequivocally that they must obey lawful authority regardless of the defects of those in authority. He does not ask us to blind ourselves to these defects. He clearly recognized the immoral, irresponsible, unjust behaviour of those sitting in the chair of Moses. He does not want any childish glorification of those in authority. He does not say they sit on the throne of God but in the chair of Moses, a human leader. But it is God's will that we accept this law of human living which is that there be those in authority and those who obey for the common good. In Jesus' eyes, human authority has a very lowly place: limited, without grandeur or fine titles, with no advan­ tages whatever for ·the ones holding authority but only for those at whose service they are. If we hold any sort of authority, either as an individual or as a group, we must avoid laying unnecessary burdens on those concerned. God never does this. His disciples must recognize their own dignity and refuse to offer cult or incense to any human authority.

44

Jesus wants every one of his disciples to be wholly detached from desire for human recognition, praise, status, popularity. If we want these things (as opposed to merely liking them) then we cut ourselves off from Jesus who wanted nothing but the Father's glory. Only our grasp that we have a Father in heaven and a supreme Master in Jesus can enable us to live in our simple dignity without craving for false esteem.

45

Challenge and Response The People of Nazareth He slipped through the crowd and walked away. (Luke 4:30)

We need divine help if we are to pass, with Jesus, from his enemies; from those who would destroy him. These enemies lie within the heart of each one of us. To realize this we need light. If we look at the Gospel of Luke, chapter 4, we see that the people of Nazareth were being offered light, light most painful to accept, and they rose in fury. There is that within us that dreads the light, and it may well do so. This light carries with it a demand. There are other lights that cost nothing, rather they are delightful: happy reflections about God's love, about Jesus, about the Scriptures; they remain in the head. The only light that matters is that which comes like a two-edged sword, and this the enemy within - which lurks in secret, hiding itself from our consciousness resists with all its might. This enemy puts up a front as impenetrable as iron, and Jesus has no alternative but to turn away. The actual demand the light makes may be small but of immense consequence, attacking something deep within us. We may be asked to let go once for all of a little animosity that still lies buried, a prej udice, a j eal­ ousy, to sacrifice our will in a particular instance . . .

Our deepest, most dangerous attachments we keep hidden - or rather, that enemy-self which is within, keeps them hidden from the self we want to know and want to claim. Let us dare to pray for this fearful light. Fearful indeed, yet the compassionate God will cradle us in the pain and loneliness which such light always creates, as he cradled Jesus on the cross.

47

The Lawyer Jesus said, 'You are not far from the kingdom of God.' (Mark 1 2: 3 4)

How little merely human insight avails! This good lawyer speaks well of holy things and yet the comment of Jesus is that he is not Jar from the kingdom. He speaks high wisdom yet he is not inside, merely near. This should warn us not to overrate what we think we know of Jesus. All that matters ultimately is that we live it. When we hear those great, solemn, beautiful words intoned - 'Listen 0 Israel . . . You must love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul, with all your mind and all your strength'- we can feel deeply moved. They resound in our soul as the very meaning of life. But what are we actually doing to live out this totality of love which constitutes the very existence of Jesus himself? The love of God is almost impossible to evaluate. Love of neighbour is the only guide to its existence, let alone its depths. It is only in loving our neighbour that we can be set on loving God all the time and everywhere. There is no meaning to our human existence but this.

The more earnestly we want to surrender to God, the more determinedly we must work to love our neighbour.

49

The Rebellious Servants We do not want this man to be our king. (Luke 1 9 : 1 4)

At first sight this parable about the king and the servants who rej ected him seems hardly relevant to us. We have accepted him gladly. But we must always look more deeply and ask ourselves in what way a parable, a teaching, calls us to judgement? In each of us, in the very best of us, we have to admit sorrowfully that there is that which would have no part with him - that cries out, 'I do not want this man to be my king!' If he came to us as the king of glory, if he came to us in a form we liked, then we would have him rule over us. But we know he has never come as the king of glory, and never will. We see this was the life-long pressure against Jesus, his temptation - to meet the ungodly expectations of the people; to prove himself, to show himself by visible tokens of a worldly, not godly kind - to be our idea of the king of glory. Rather than do this he was prepared to die. He willingly, consistently, chose the lowly, hidden, non­ glorious path - right up to the end . 'Let him come down from the cross and we will believe. ' The only answer is a cry of desolation. Even his disciples, those whom he had sought out and 50

trained with special care, even these rej ected him in his passion. He had to go on utterly alone. It was left to the most unlikely people to get just a glimpse of who and what he was. And the most astounding of all were the glimpses of some who saw him as he hung on the cross in human degradation. 'Indeed this was the son of God, ' cried the centurion. 'Remember me, Jesus, when you come into your kingdom, ' his companion besought him. Now, he has singled us out with special love to be always with him, to be his special friends. Unlike his first disciples we have hindsight. We know. We have the benefit of the experience and knowledge of the ages. Yet still we draw the line. There are indeed many instances when we claim him as our king, but there is hardly one of us who does not draw the line somewhere; with some it is drawn much more quickly than with others. When something cuts us to the bone, then we find rationalizations to explain it away. This is not him . . . oh yes . . . this, this, this, that, that, that, . . . but not THIS. We find it so hard to accept an uninteresting, non­ exciting discipleship. We might recognize him in dra­ matic trials- but in the petty everyday? . . . how easily we say no. When we do, we are looking at the thorn­ crowned, humiliated, helpless son of man and saying, 'We will not have him ruling over us, not that one! ' And for some of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all is to see him in our interior humiliations - in our shameful conflicts, contrary feelings, ugliness, depression. Wherever there is lowly humanity . . . man in all his weakness, there is the Lord, there is the very Son of God ready to enfold us. 51

Dives and Lazarus See that you never despise any of these little ones. (Matthew r8: 10)

Nothing matters in this life except to have loved God. In the parable of Dives and Lazarus, Dives closed his heart to God. It was not because he was rich that he failed, but because he closed his heart to God before him in the other person. The other person didn't matter to him; he didn't beat him or drive him off. He just ignored him because he was wrapped up in himself. Our Lazarus need not be a pauper. Lazarus is merely the person who is not myself - the other - with his individuality and his own outlook and needs. We need each other. None of us is truly rich, and sooner or later each of us suffers from ignoring the other. It is our mutual privilege to give to one another. If I ignore a neighbour, undervalue him, j udge him inferior, even in the most secret way, not only do I inflict wrong on him but I impoverish myself.

52

I must pray for the humility to realize that I need - and thus humbly hold out my little cup for the water of another whom, in my deepest heart, I have thought little of.

53

The Man at Bethzatha jesus saw him lying there and knew he had been in this Oohn s:6) condition for a long time.

Whenever the Gospels put before us Jesus encountering an individual we are meant to say: 'That man, that woman is I', or at least some aspect of me. This is true of the definitely unpleasant character depicted in the Gospel of John. He was a shirker, he was mean, sly . . . Jesus points out to him his fundamental ill - you don't want to be healed, you don't want to make the effort. You expect it all to be done for you and when it isn't you are aggrieved and excuse yourself by throwing the blame on other people and circumstances. Every one of us has that shirker within us who 1s a past-master at disguising the truth.

54

But then comes a moment of powerful grace - we see it, we can no longer hide the truth and we make an effort, a new beginning. In the Gospel story Jesus is anxious about the man; he isn't content to let him be, sure of his continuing fidelity. He searches him out and confronts him, begging him to keep away from occasions of sin, to be infinitely serious and careful else he will be back where he was, and worse - because of the light he has received. And there go we! We allow ourselves to play again with whatever it was we had resolved against. We aren't serious enough, we don't want it enough. It becomes a real betrayal of our Lord as, I think, we are meant to see in this Gospel story. The man knew Jesus was the obj ect of hostility and was in danger. Angered by Jesus' challenge he points him out to his enemies and 'they began to persecute Jesus'. We can never be neutral.

55

The Centurion 'Go home,' said Jesus, 'your son will live.' Oohn 4: 50)

At the very hour Jesus said, 'Your son will live, ' it came about: the official's son was cured. In our sacraments, Jesus works as powerfully as when he bade that boy live. Our sacraments are ineffable - something human words cannot express. We recall the sacrament of the Eucharist, of Reconciliation, of the Sick, our Baptism which we renew on Easter night . . . These are the deep, sanctifying waters with which the Church, and indeed the whole world through the Church, is purified, reborn, made holy by being transformed into Christ. In our sacraments we see no signs and wonders: nothing to compel assent. And yet in them we are confronted by Jesus directly in his healing, sanctifying power. A sign made, a word spoken, 'Your son will live', and we have an absolute guarantee that he has laid his hand on us; his creative, restoring hand, bringing us to full­ ness of life. Perhaps we could look at our attitude to the sacraments and test the sincerity and strength of our faith.

Mary ofBethany Mary brought in a pound of very costly ointment. (John 1 2: 3 )

Here we are shown a woman who was truly a disciple, one with a listening ear. She was a woman for whom Jesus really mattered, more than anything else in the world, more than herself. She saw life's sole task as listening to the Lord, hearing the word of God, which always includes putting it into practice. We do not 'hear' in the biblical sense unless the hearing is translated into action. Like Martha, Mary too must have had many things to do but still only one sole purpose - to listen to the Lord . The result was a deep knowledge of Jesus, of the hidden springs of his being, so to speak. As Jesus could say 'Holy Father the world has not known you, but I have known you' - because he lived on the Father's will, so this woman could say, 'Holy Jesus, the world has not known you, but I have known you. '

57

Thus she, of all others it seems, divined that he was to die and that this dying was his Father's will. She did not raise an outcry, or plan a campaign to stop him going to Jerusalem, nor did she attempt to dissuade him. She had entered into his deepest inner movements, no matter how dimly. She came with her symbolic gesture of pure devotion, identification, anointing him for his burial. There is nothing else a disciple can do - no heroics, no glib professions that we are ready to die with him, but rather deep humility, deep gratitude for what he is doing. He has to do it in order to destroy our sin, our alienation from the Father. Then we shall be able to follow him. Mary of Bethany is the symbol of Christian disciple­ ship. If we do not come to this deep knowledge what does it mean? Yes, there is a Mary in us all, a devoted woman, but each of us. has also to recognize a potential Judas, the worldling whose values are completely opposite to those of Jesus. Judas scorns the folly of the cross, the way of lowliness, humiliation, unimportance. He scorns the gesture of dumb, simple devotion. He is opposed to the mind of Christ who humbled himself, became nothing . . .

Judas too is capable of conversion. Ask our Lord with great earnestness to convert him wholly. Then there will be nothing in any of us but pure devotion - and the house will be filled with sweetness, refreshing the world.

ss

Conformed to Christ A Listening Ear My sheep listen to my voice, they will come to me. Oohn 10: 16)

God is always at work in us, prompting us to the good and enabling us to perform it. '0 that today you would hear his voice. '

This constant listening for his voice demands deep sustained self-denial. Often we are occupied in listening to ourselves . our little grievances, our petty wishes, our mean desires. We busy ourselves with other peoples affairs when they are no business of ours.

59

While we live in this manner how can we tune in to the Father's voice?

Jesus our brother understands our self-occupation. Nevertheless he goes on exhorting us to follow him, to lay down our own miserable lives in order to live by his abundant life . . that the works of God might be displayed.

6o

(Yes ' in the Lord Upholding all things by his word of power. (Hebrews I:J)

The word of power with which Jesus upholds the universe and bears it along to its fulfilment is his unequivocal and constant 'yes' to the Father and to his great plan for mankind. Because of this 'yes' the Father is able to carry out all that he has promised. Jesus gave his Father carte blanche. He could not see in detail the working of the plan. His life, like ours, was a multiplicity of choices whether in little things or great. Not every occasion or demand bore on it the clear stamp of his Father's loving action. His 'yes' was often given in obscurity, bewilderment and pain. God had 61

entrusted to his devoted servant the care of his family, sure that he would not fail them. On his frail, human shoulders was laid the burden of our destiny, a burden more precious to Jesus than all else. There were times when it seemed unbearable: '0 faith­ less generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you?' What depths of loneliness and utter weariness in this forlorn cry! But he stayed with us and bore with us; he could not do other, for the Father's own love for us filled his human heart and eventually broke it open on the cross. In his second letter to the Corinthians Paul says in his impassioned way: How could anyone who has seen the Lord, whom God has built up on the rock of Christ, has sealed as his own possession, who enhomes the Spirit, how can such a one vacillate between 'yes' and 'no'?* How can we let ourselves be governed by worldly standards, whether this pleases me or not, whether I like it or not, and so forth? Of ourselves we would always vacillate, but we are empowered to be always 'yes,' and so to carry forward the great promises of God.

*

2 Cor. 1 : 1 8 -22.

Sign of Contradiction Just as Jonah became a sign (Luke 11:30) .

.

.

Jonah in the belly of the whale. Why did this bizarre incident mean so much to Jesus? It held his attention, spoke deeply to his heart. It is a very vivid illustration of what human life can be like, of what his own life was beginning to be like, and of the end he foresaw. It means being tossed into an alien element where man, of himself, cannot live. There is nothing there that allows for what he understands as his own life. This element, according to man's natural under­ standing, means destruction. And yet, as in the story of Jonah, we see that, in actual fact, it is the very encompassing of the Father in all his caring love, bringing him to life. Jesus, in his response to the Jews' challenge for a sign, refuses every compromise, every reliance on what human reasoning, human power and experience can afford. He holds to one thing only - the Father's commitment to him, whatever the appearances to the contrary. This is the only sign he allows. How profound a lesson for us! In surrendering to life as it unfolds no matter what it offers, in exposing ourselves to it - not evading, not fantasizing, not subtly (half consciously if not

consciously) foreseeing things we don't want and warding them off, protecting ourselves in trying to control life - we are surrendered to the Father. We must live with intense faith. And when we do this, we are acting like a secret radar, drawing safely into haven others who know him not and see in what happens only blind, cruel fate . . . Jonah in the belly of the whale.

Life's Only Meaning L ife is this: to know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. Qohn 1 7: 3 )

Each day of our lives holds within itself the possibility of this knowledge of God, this holy wisdom. How deeply we should long for this revelation of the Father. Let us seek, let us listen with all our hearts and care for nothing else. Then perhaps we shall be able to exclaim with perfect truth: 'My heart knows you now, Jesus Christ my Lord, and everything worldly has lost its meamng. '

With perfect truth. That is, my life henceforth will reveal the truth that nothing has any meaning to me except Jesus Christ my Lord. There is no easy way to this, only that the grain of wheat must die; the humble acceptance of our painful human lot; no complaint, no rebellion, no dodging . . . Becoming identified with the Son of Man, the sacrificial Lamb who takes away the sin of the world by bearing the full weight and effect of it with no vestige of responding evil - only worship of his Father and infinite compassion for us.

6s

True Zeal Run so as to win the prize. (1 Corinthians 9:24)

St Paul likens our Christian life to a race, and he says that, though all run, only one obtains the prize. That is strange, because we are quite certain that compe­ tition simply doesn't come into our living for God. Each one is called to win the prize. What Paul is saying, I think, is that there is all the difference in the world between those who merely run - who like running, who are prepared to devote some time and energy to training, and yet who, fundamen­ tally, go at their own pace - and the real athlete deter­ mined to win. And it is just the same in the Christian life.

66

Many indeed 'undertake it' as we say, and; it can be said in truth, work at it. But they lack that whole­ hearted dedication essential if they are to attain the- prize - complete union with God. When my sister who had a weak heart was a child, the doctors said she could play games but never must she play in a match or run a race. Why? Because the deter­ mination to win would make her overstretch herself and could kill her. But there is no fear of this happening in our living for God! In fact it is precisely this going all out that is essential. The non-dedicated runner will make certain sacrifices, put up with a certain amount of discipline, but sooner or later comes the decision, 'It isn't worth it. ' Winning doesn't mean enough to him . The one determined to win stops at nothing. The prize is worth it all. So must we live. Let us ask ourselves if our living for God has this edge on it, this zeal, this unswerving passion?

Wholeheartedness Anyone who loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 1 6:25)

The Christian life bears with it absoluteness, whole­ heartedness, passion. The Church stands for this. An absolute affirmation, 'The Lord is God', and the concentration of all energy, all time, on him alone. But we don't have to strain after some sort of appreci­ ation of God, Infinite Being. No, we have been given the Way, the Truth, the Life in Jesus. We look at him and trust in him. We accept his vision of God. He has looked into the face of infinite Mystery and called It Father. He assures us by his very life-blood that It is utterly trustworthy. We ask for no other assurance than this. We do not ask to taste, to experience. We can make the leap of faith, we can determine to make him 'Father', our own God and our sole God. But this is not the whole story. We are not left alone. We do not have to accomplish this leap in our own strength. This is quite impossible. God is helping us all along the way. He is communicating himself in light and love and courage, but we must do our part: Firstly, we must constantly try to get to know our Lord by loving meditation on the Gospels, not relying merely on our own poor insights but making use of the best commentaries. This application must never come to an end.

68

Secondly, there must go with this a corresponding effort to put his teaching into practice. And sustaining both these efforts and accompanying them must go continual prayer for light and strength to know God and to love him. Each activity must keep pace with the other. Not one of the three may lag behind the others. This is our indispensable part and is the 'active' element in our ascent of the mountain of God. When we see what God is, when we see the heaven and earth that he has made, what can we do but adore? It is the Lord your God you must worship, and give yourself to him, body and soul.

All for God Happy are your eyes because they see, your ears (Matthew 1 3 : 1 6) because they hear!

We must resolve to put the whole of our sense life at God's service. We must refuse to use our senses except when their exercise is for the honour and glory of God. We can so easily presume that the whole bent of our being is to God, and fail to recognize how we allow ourselves dangerous distractions; how we allow ourselves to notice and nose into other people's busi­ ness; how we yield to useless curiosity, indulge ourselves in countless ways. Hold up! Fix your eyes on the perfect Son. Hold your­ self in your hands so that your activities are controlled, that you know what you are doing, and are not drifting by carelessly occupied with trifles, occupied with yourself. Our whole way of life should be helping us to this true recollection, this concentration on God. Sustained discipline is absolutely essential if we are to belong to God. 'Many prophets and holy men longed to see what you see and never saw it, to hear what you hear, and never heard it.' Let's weigh these words. How utterly privileged we are to know Christ Jesus our Lord. How privileged to have access to his words, his thoughts . . . Do we really see this as an unheard-

of privilege? We shall answer that question truthfully by looking at what we do. Are we always most seri­ ously, with everything we have in us, trying to get to know him and trying to live according to his teaching? . . . The torch is sweeping slowly round our room. Do we want to see the cobwebs? Do we want to remove them? Or do we allow our eyes to rest on them for a brief moment only, and then go on just as before.

71

Ever Present True worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth. Oohn 4:23)

Outward worship of itself avails nothing. We have to pay attention, apply our minds to God's service: the whole of ourselves must be brought to bear on our loving service of him. This cannot be done without great labour. Day by day, hour by hour, we must be renewing the offering of ourselves, making sure it is not a matter of words and sentiments, but actuality. Everything we do, from morning to night, must be truthful, coming from our deepest centre. How few of us, says St Therese, always do our best, never take little holidays but always are attentive to God, present to him, waiting on him, loving him. This is the living sacrifice, holy and acceptable, the pure spiritual worship which alone matters to him.

72

Gift and Witness If only you knew the gift of God. Oohn 4: 1 0)

We bear a tremendous responsibility for one another. Each of us is a minister of Christ. Each of us has to witness to him. Everything we do, say, or even think has either a positive or a negative effect on others. Nothing is neutral. Bad example, carelessness about faults, lack of charity; all these things affect the purity and love of a community. And following from that weaken the charity of the whole Church. 73

St Paul entreats us not to trifle with the precious grace of God. This grace, which is nothing less than God offering himself is available NOW. NOW NOW

is the acceptable time is the significant time.

If we had a lively faith, grasped this fact, we would indeed give no offence put no obstacle in another's way Do not trifle with the precious gift of God.

74

The Ap ostolate of Prayer My Father goes on working. Oohn s : I7)

The Father is the vine-dresser pruning his vine. This pruning entails a very great purification of the self. We must allow this to happen, surrender ourselves with Jesus to the Father's loving action. We must look around the world, not only in the present, but down into past ages, and see the multitudes living out their lives with no knowledge of him, no reference to him; what St Peter calls 'a useless way of life'. Yet every one of this innumerable multitude has been ransomed every bit as much as we have. Each one has been bought with a great price and is continually receiving redemption - though they know it not. We Christians are called to be priests of this vast multi­ tude. We know the name of the Lord; we praise him; we celebrate his love and goodness, and the great act by which our redemption was accomplished. And we do this for ALL . We do it daily in our Mass, in our prayer, in our lives. We know the inmost heart of the Paschal Mystery. It is the mystery in which the whole creation .finds its meaning - from which it comes, to which it goes. We tap its wellsprings and, so to speak, cause them to flow more abundantly over the face of the earth, into the hearts of all men. 75

It isn't j ust a matter of mental application and trying to evoke suitable emotional responses to the celebration of the Paschal Mystery, but a profound, living desire to be conformed to it. We must want all the Father has longed and longs to do for us to be accomplished in our own hearts. 'It has pleased God to reveal his Son in me. ' We should desire that this be true in the fullest way. For God to reveal his Son in me, there must be nothing in me but Jesus. This is the only true apostolate - which goes to the very roots of human existence and sanctifies them. A wholly hidden apostolate. 'In the Father's eyes nothing is pleasing in anyone living or dead, but his likeness to Jesus! '

Trustful and Forgiving Your Father knows what you need before you ask him. (Matthew 6 : 8)

Central to all Jesus' teaching is that we have a Father in heaven. This must influence us in everything. When we pray we do not resort to magic formulae, to a spate of prescribed words. We speak to our Father from our hearts. Do not babble . . . God only hears what the heart is saying. If the words are empty, devoid of true longing there is no prayer. What a word of endless comfort, 'Your Father knows' - every syllable precious; but a word too of absolute demand - 'Your Father knows . . . but you do not . ' Prayer i s not a matter of telling God our needs, but of allowing him to tell us; and he tells us in ·the Lord's Prayer. Our all-embracing need is that his kingdom should come in us; that everything in us should be wholly conformed to his will. Then he picks out one specific requirement for this to be so. 'Forgive us as. we forgive. ' To refuse forgiveness means our Father will not forgive us. To forgive others their failings is to be forgiven by our Father.

77

God will not forgive us if we do not forgive. Will not because he cannot. His love cannot penetrate a heart that has hardened itself. Deep-seated resentments, bitterness, these petrify the heart and block every prayer we utter. 'Your Father in heaven will not forgive you, unless each one, from the depths of his heart, pardons and embraces his brother. '*

*

Matt. 6 : 1 4 .

With Jesus in his Passion I Lay Down my Life The Father loves me because I lay down my life . . . for my sheep. (John 1 0 : 1 7)

Jesus is saying that the Father is seized with love, admir­ ation, gratitude to him because he lays down his life fully. Why should the Father be so enamoured of this act of Jesus laying down his life, accepting to die? In the first place because the Father can only find an outlet for his love when a human creature consents to die to his own limited, merely natural life. The condition for being transformed into God's like­ ness, for entering into his own dimension is - being ready to go beyond ourselves, allowing ourselves to be taken away from self, consenting to leave the limi­ tations of our merely natural being. This acceptance of dying has to be done in the dark, in blind trust in the promise of the Father. The dimension into which we are called is 'God ' : so 'other', so mysterious as to be beyond thought or imagination; and therefore, in a sense, meaningless to us. We live a caterpillar existence and are completely incapable of conceiving of a butterfly existence. It is an awful thing to be told - or rather asked - to be willing to die to our caterpillarness in order to be something we have no notion of and no desire for. 79

We like being caterpillars - we have cabbage leaves to feed on, our world is circumscribed and manageable, it's solid. 'What's all this about a new way of being . ? Flitting about in the air . . . ? No thanks I'd rather be as I am! ' .

.

God's agonizing struggle is to get his human creatures to love and trust him enough to make the decision, to accept to die to their caterpillar life. . . . It does seem like a tomb, that dark cocoon; no activity worth calling activity . . . a death to all we understand at present of life. But Jesus accepted. This is the great triumph. He accepted, with all the adoring love of his heart, to lay down his life. This act was his supreme expression of the greatness of his love for his Father - that he, the Father, mattered alone, and that all Jesus wanted was to do his will, and to allow the Father to do in him and through him whatever he pleased. And it is then God's good pleasure to fill his creature with blessings.

8o

To jerusalem and Death What do you think? Will he come to the festival or not? O ohn r r : s 6)

Most certainly he will come to the festival; most certainly he will come to Jerusalem to celebrate the Pasch, to establish the eternal festival. He will walk into the lion's mouth, to a certain death, because his Father wills him to proclaim his message in the capital at the solemn feast. There is no equivocation in Jesus: no 'yes' and then 'no', but always a most emphatic 'yes'. There is no equivocation either in his enemies, they are determined to kill him . I t is the common people and even the disciples who equivocate: What think you about him? will he come? is he to be trusted? . . . and so on. A lot of talk, speculation, playing about with the idea of him, but basic frivolity and lack of commitment. We are like that at least to some extent. We stand by him in verbal affirmation and in liturgical ceremony, but each of us has to examine how far our actual commitment squares with what we profess. We are committed - up to a point, we follow him - up to a point, but have not yet cast ourselves, absolutely, irrevocably, onto his side.

81

Think about it: those seemingly small but permc1ous criticisms, those quick retorts expressive more of our indignation and aggrieved pride than of pure love, that allowing of resentful thoughts and feelings, playing with mistrust, depression, discouragement, instead of a loyal rej ection of such things. God's grace is always flowing plentifully. Each morn­ ing there are special outpourings. Let us determine that today will see an end of our equivocation and the begin­ ning of an unswerving discipleship. Let us go to die with him.

82

Prep aring the Pasch Where is the room in which I am to eat the Paschal (Luke 22: I I ) meal with my disciples?

Our Lord i s saying this to each one of us now, ' I wish to celebrate my Pasch at your house with my disciples.' He wants to accomplish in us his dying and his rising; he wants us completely identified with him in his perfect sacrifice. We, the Church, are the little flock to whom it is given to know the name of the Lord and thereby to praise that name - and we do it on behalf of all. We can be sure that there are countless people going about their daily tasks, occupied with this world, in whom our Lord is able to celebrate his Pasch, but they do not know it. We to whom he is a living Love, who consciously open ourselves to his redemption, consciously pray to receive the fullness of his love, always do this for others. You are the light of the world, the salt . . . the yeast . . . for others. We should have it deeply at heart that the Church be purified of all worldliness, be made truly pure, holy, loving, be indeed the light of the world. And we begin at home, in our own hearts. In Mark's Gospel we are told that Jesus expressed his unutterable grief, 'I am dying of sorrow. ' What an expression! What precisely was his grief? He did not say he was dying of fear though he was feeling fear.

No, it was grief that was killing him. For what? Perhaps we find the clearest answer in Luke: 'Seeing the city he wept over it, If only you had known . . . '

Perhaps we can say his passion of grief was to see us refusing so much love, so much happiness; choosing to remain trapped in our misery. No affronted dignity, no self-pitying hurt at his love being rej ected, but grief for the misery of those he loved. He had come to rescue them from the pit but they preferred to stay in it. The obdurate hardness of man's heart! And we must always remember that what is taking place in Jesus' heart is the human reflection of what is happening in God. Reflecting on this grief, shouldn't we want to make it our sole desire to do the only thing we can - open our hearts fully to redeeming love? 'Accomplish love to your full satisfaction in me. ' When this is so, the very love of Jesus takes possession of our hearts and we too shall find ourselves concerned only with the work of God, devoid of self-interest. 'Come, Master, celebrate your Pasch in my house I open its doors wide to you. ' -

The Hour of Redemp tion Father the hour has come, glorify your Son. Oohn 1 7 : 1 )

Night has fallen. The terrible sin - that o f killing the Lord - the epitome of all sin, is as good as accom­ plished. And Judas goes off . . . Night has fallen indeed and yet, within the supper room there is a cry of exultation that is, in itself, a shattering of the night. 'The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. ' Jesus is t o die, and he accepts this with all the passionate commitment of his surrendered heart - so deep, so unrestricted is his love for us. His is Love to the end, the uttermost love, which is total self-expenditure. He knows that the love driving him on is not born of the human spirit; he knows that the Father himself is pouring into his poor human heart the immensity of his own self-expending love for men. When he hangs on the cross, naked, emptied out, reduced to nothing, we shall have some idea of what this Man is, who he is, Son of eternal Love itself. Looking on him, seeing him truly for the first time, we shall know what sort of a God we have; for the first time human beings will know what God is really like. He is a complete reversal of all merely human notions of God: he is Love that gives.

We wounded him by our sinning - we bruised him yet all he bore became our healing.

86

Eucharistic Self-Giving Shall I not drink the chalice my Father gives me? Oohn I 8 : I I)

Let us dwell on that last evening of our Lord's mortal life - the supper. Nothing is left to Jesus at this hour but himself. He stands amid the ruins of what he tried to do, what he thought he had to do. And he has failed. The people have not listened. The chosen few whom he had hoped would be the new people of God, upon whom he had lavished all that he had, do not believe. They will all run away. Even now one of them is betraying him. Is there even one on earth who really understands? Who has received or entered into the Kingdom? Is there one single thing he can point to or hold onto as a guarantee that he has achieved something, fulfilled his appointed task? No. And yet, 'My heart has not wavered, 0 God, my heart has not wavered. ' He has come to realize that the kingdom has come in his own perfect, unswerving obedience to the Father; in his total acceptance of life which, he understands, always flows from the hands of the Father, no matter what the material, personal channels. He, Jesus, in his perfect acceptance and surrender is the kingdom. He has nothing else to offer but his own pure heart. Therefore he is glad to die in failure, in loneliness, as a supreme testimony of love, obedience and trust. 'Father, the world has not known You, but I have known You . ' He is determined that the Father should

have it all - no matter what the cost. In blind faith, consistent to the end, he sees life flowing from the Father's hand. And so his terrible betrayal, his bitter death at the hands of cruel men is 'the chalice my Father gives me' , to be drained with all the passionate love and devotion of his heart. In profound peace he seals his self-offering with a ritual gesture: 'Take and eat, this is my body - for you . . . Take and drink the new Covenant in my blood . . . Do this that the Father remember me. ' This alternative rendering, considered authentic, rings in my own heart as authentic. Jesus never sought himself. Rembrandt's picture ofJesus breaking bread at Emmaus seems to be a perfect portrayal of the Saviour. The Lord is lowly, suffering, insignificant. There is no drama or bombast, just a quiet, loving dedication, the grandeur of which was hidden even from himself. ' She has done what she could. ' These words echo his own lowly self­ estimation - 'I have done what I could. ' As daily we receive from those holy hands his sacrificed, surrendered self, he longs to draw us into his unswerving self-offering to the Father. If he is to have his way, we too must live in perfect obedience, accepting life in all its details - and that includes our selves, our heredity and temperament - as from the Father. It is 'the chalice which my Father gives me', to be drained without rebellion, evasiOn, complaint. Simple, yes, but demanding our full attention and all our energy. 88

I Go to the Father Now has the Son of Man been glorified. Qohn 1 2 :23)

Does Jesus' cry rise up from vision, from beatific joy? Not at all. It is remarkable how often in the Gospels, considering their non-emotional nature, mention is made of Jesus' grief, weeping, distress, perturbation human reactions to human situations. And this is found in John's Gospel most of all. We are told that Jesus was deeply distressed . And then comes his magnificent cry : 'Now has the Son of Man been glorified. ' This cry is pure faith. His senses are pressing him down, but his spirit exults in God his saviour. He can echo Isaiah : The Lord God is my helper and that help cannot play me false . I know well that I cannot suffer the shame of defeat. One stands by me to vindicate my cause.

Is there one who makes his way through darkness with no glimmer of light? Then let him trust in the Lord and lean upon his God. What is actually happening to Jesus now is his resurrec­ tion. As he surrenders himself more and more totally, the Father fills him. W1ut breaks forth when the mortal bonds are broken is what has been growing there all the time, and now reaches completion. 'You cannot follow me now, ' says Jesus. This j ourney is Jesus' own, no one has trod it before. Only when he has made it can we also follow. And how in this life? Jesus gives the answer: Show the world what I am, by loving one another as I love you -:- total expenditure of self for others, handing over of self continually. Thus his disciples reveal him and his Father. Thus are they being slowly born into his risen life.

90

The Promise of Resurrection I shall go before you to Galilee. (Matthew 26: 3 2)

Jesus is the pioneer of our faith. We need to look at him to learn what faith really is - what it means to trust, to believe. He was on his way to the garden as his life drew to its close when he spoke those words: 'I shall go before you into Galilee. ' He was facing death; his miSSion seemingly cut short abruptly with nothing whatever achieved. Desertion by his own chosen followers was the ultimate failure . . . not even these believed and were prepared to stake their all on him. He stands among the ruins, with not a shred of human hope or assurance, with no sign coming from above, with nothing but the witness of his own heart. ('I know the Father, and were I to deny that I know him I would be a liar, and knowing him I know he will ultimately triumph. He will never let me down. I have come at his word, on his mission; I have always done what pleased him and now, in this dark, empty hour I trust him utterly. Father, I place my life in your loving hands. ') Because he is standing, not in his own fragile self but in the fathomless ocean of the Father's love, he can forget himself even as he bends over the brink, staring into the dark depths of the agony awaiting him. His 91

concern is for his friends whom, he foresees, are soon to desert him shamefully. His concern is to console them, to infuse them with his own faith and trust. Yes, he will soon be drinking wine again with them, but then the Kingdom will have come! He will be meeting them in Galilee as of old and yet so differently! Then they will see him. They fail now because they do not see him, have nev..:' r seen him; but soon, very soon, they are to see him, and their hearts will be full of joy that will never, never fail. We need to look at Jesus. And looking at him we draw a sweet breath of pure forgiveness and the pure hope it brings. 'You fail me, you let me down, but it doesn't matter now. The Father puts all things right. Trust him, trust me. Meet me with joy in Galilee. '

92

Concluding Prayer Jesus, holy and beloved hold me always in your 'yes'. Let nothing matter to me from this moment but the Father's good pleasure, the coming of his kingdom. Let me not matter to myself. I have only one short life in which to love in difficulty and pain, trusting in the dark and non-seeming . Opportunities come and pass forever, never to return. Let me not miss one, let my life be lived in total love: There is no other way of living a truly human life.

93

Maranatha When the corn is green the blackbird singing My love will come swift as a fountain springing, Will seize me hold me clasp me to him bringing infinite gladness.

95

O ur Father Medita tions on the Lord )s Prayer RUTH BURROWS Edited by ELIZABETH R U T H OBBARD

My Father and your Father, My God and your God Oohn 20: 1 7)

Contents --------==���CE·---��===----

Acknowledgements

I02

Editor's Preface

IOJ

Introduction

I05

Our Father

I I7

IOI

Acknowledgements -------=====��-�-��===---

The introduction was first published as 'Growth in Prayer', in The Way (October 1 9 8 3 ), and is reproduced with the Editor's permission. The biblical quotations in the introduction are mostly taken from the Revised Standard Version, copyrighted 1 97 1 and 1 9 5 2 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U SA; those in the text are mostly from the New Jerusalem Bible, published and copyright 1 9 8 5 by Darton, Longman and Todd Ltd and Doubleday and Company Inc. , and are used by permission of the publishers.

1 02

Editor's Preface -------====E��-�-��===---

Imagine that the Lord Himself is at your side and see how lovingly and how humbly He is teaching you (the Our Father) . . . If you become accus­ tomed to having Him at your side, and if He sees that you love Him to be there and are always trying to please Him, you will never be able, as we put it, to send Him away, nor will He ever fail you. He will help you in all your trials and you will have Him everywhere. Do you think it is a small thing to have such a friend as that beside you?! St Teresa of Avila described the Christian's life of prayer as a life of friendship with Jesus. For her, prayer was the life-blood of the soul, and her one desire was to introduce others to a like intimacy with the Lord. I feel the same can be said of Ruth Burrows. She understands in a unique way not only her own vocation as a Carmelite but the vocation of all men and women to whom God offers himself in the intimacy of prayer, whatever outward form their lives may take and however diverse their callings in the Church. In these collected writings she patterns her teaching on Jesus' own prayer, the Our Father. He can teach us to pray as can no other, for his whole life was a continual prayer of love, praise, gratitude and surrender to the Father, whose only-begotten Son he knew himself to be. My hope is that these short meditations will intro­ duce many to the riches hidden in the Lord's Prayer 1 St Teresa, Way of Perfection, XXVI. 1 03

and encourage them to persevere with great trust, however dark and unrewarding the way of prayer may seem on the natural level. With Jesus they are being asked to surrender to the Spirit and become a son in the Son. For: Everyone moved by the Spirit is a son of God. :The spirit you received is not the spirit of slaves . . . it is the spirit of sons, and it makes us cry out, 'Abba, Father!' The Spirit himself and our spirit bear united witness that we are children of God. And if we are children we are heirs as well: heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, sharing his suffer­ ings so as to share his glory. t ELIZABETH RUTH OBBARD

1 Rom.

8:14-17. 104

Introduction --------�==�++4��-=-�+s+�===----

As soon as we would talk or write about prayer and growth in prayer we are faced with huge difficulties. We are talking and writing not merely about the deepest thing in human life but about its very essence - more, about the mystery of God himself. We are daring to use terms such as 'intimacy', 'friendship', for that we are called to such is beyond doubt for the believer. We find a breathing of it in the first pages of Genesis where, it is intimated, God was wont to walk with his man and woman through the garden in the cool of the day. Though sin came to rupture this blessed state, still, throughout the pages of the Old Testament with its history of humans as they really are - sinful, blind, obstinate, hard of heart - there shine stars, 'friends of God', who in some measure attained or were granted intimacy with the awful mystery. Such intimacy is still possible. Amidst a perverse and corrupt people 'Enoch walked with God; and he was not, for God took him' . 1 Here, it is suggested, was someone for whom God meant so much that he was swallowed up by him. Enoch disappeared, only God shone out. In this preg­ nant phrase of scripture we have a summing up of holiness, of the perfection of a human life. Moses spoke with God face to face and through this terrible exposure was transformed in such a way that he became ' God' for the people at large, a people too sensual and selfish to want God himself. They were not prepared to pay the price. 1

Gen. 5 : 24. 105

We have heard his voice out of the midst of the fire; we have this day seen God speak with man and man still alive. Now, therefore, why should we die? For this great fire will consume us; if we hear the voice of the Lord our God any more, we shall die. For who is there of all flesh, that has heard the voice of the living God speaking out of the midst of fire, as we have, and has still lived? Go near, and hear all that the Lord God will say; . and speak to us all that the Lord our God will speak to you; and we will hear it and do it. 1 This is an authentic human cry. If we use the term 'friendship with God' then we must know what we are doing, we must speak with utmost seriousness and with deep awe. There is no place for 'lightness', for trifling. What did it mean for Enoch, what did it mean for Moses - and, we shall ask, what did it mean for Jesus - to be a friend of God, to be on that lonely, dreadful mountain exposed to we know not what? And yet intimacy with God is the blissful fulfilment of us all. It is what we were made for and what we endlessly yearn for. It is to this that we blindly reach out in our human search for friendship ,and intimacy, but whereas even the richest human friendship, even that which has truly made of two one flesh, is only part of an existence and life; our relationship with God is our very meaning as human beings. Man - and that means you and me - is, by definition, a relation to God. We become human, become what we are meant to be, in the measure that, like Enoch of old, we are lost to ourselves and taken up into him. Prayer, on our side, is a conscious affir­ mation of this truth, an effective desire and willing that it be accomplished. How do we attain to intimacy with God or rather, how do we enter into the intimacy offered? We must 1 Deut. 5 :24-7 RSV.

I 06

be certain that no wooing is necessary. We do not have to find ways of attracting the divine partner, of getting him to notice us. Here is someone who is love itself and the very fount of our own existence, enfolding us, inviting us to receive him, drawing us to his heart. All these human expressions are totally inadequate. Scrip­ ture and mystical writers have used the different modes of human love and friendship - parent/child, husband/ wife, brother, friend - to tell us something of the reality of God's love and desire for us. Each is inadequate. All together they are inadequate. It is not easy to speak properly of a deep human relationship; how much more 30 when one of the partners is God! And even if one were able, through profound experience and intensive thought and effort, to give what seems as close a proximation to the truth as is possible, its under­ standing depends on the heart of the recipient. Truth must find an echo in the one who hears if it is to be recognised. Put it another way, a heart must be really listening, really wanting the truth, really wanting God. The difficulty is that we do not want him . We want our own version of him , one we can, so to speak, carry around in our pockets rather as some superstitious people carry around a charm. We can hold endless loving conversations with this one, feel we have an intimate understanding of him, we can tell him our troubles, ask for his approbation and admiration, consult him about all our affairs and decisions and get the answer we want, and this god of ours has almost nothing to do with God. Most of us fmd it almost impossible not to think of prayer as a special activity in life, as an art that can be taught or learned rather as we can learn to play a musical instrument, and so some of us are quick to feel we are proficient and others that we are painfully handicapped, are missing out on some secret or have some lack in our nature which makes prayer difficult if not imposs­ ible for us. We feel there are certain laws governing 1 07

prayer, and techniques to be mastered, and when we have got hold of these we can pray. Thus we look around for the guru, for the one who has mastered the art and its techniques, and eagerly look to be taught. When we take up a book or article on prayer, we shall probably detect, if we stop to think, that we are looking for the key, the magic formula that is going to put our prayer right, enable us to 'make a go' of this mysterious activity called prayer. We may feel that others seem to take it in their stride but somehow it does not work for us and anxiously we look hither and thither for someone who will hand us the secret. All this is proof enough that we are overlooking the fundamental facts: that prayer is not a technique but a relationship; that there is no handicap, no obstacle, no problem. The only problem is that we do not want God. We may want a 'spiritual life', we may want 'prayer', but we do not want God. All anyone can do for us, any guru can teach us, is to keep our eyes on Jesus, God's perfect, absolute friend. If we look at the gospels we shall find that Jesus never speaks to us as being friends of God. He teaches us to call him Father. Friend implies equality of status, child or son a total dependence and absolute obedience. When Jesus gave us his own privilege of calling God Abba, that word certainly carried with it everything we under­ stand of the unbreakable, utterly reliable, tender, compassionate, infinitely involved fatherly/motherly love of God. Of this we must be sure to the marrow of our bones. But equally we must remember what the father-son relationship was in the Jewish culture of Jesus' time. We can go so far as to say that the son was considered as having no life or even existence of his own. He owed absolutely everything to the father: we might say a son was his father's 'thing', and the son owed him total, unconditional obedience. When Jesus tells us that we must call God Abba, and live as his children, he is demanding of us this decentralisation, 108

this 'ex-stasy', this standing out of self, in order to transfer our existence, our meaning, our importance, our weight, to the Father. It is a summons to the most radical self-denial. On the other hand Jesus gives us the title 'friend', his friend, in that we have opened ourselves to and received his revelation of the Father, that we trust him with our lives, obey him as Jesus did . To become the friend of Jesus means to identify with his living for his Father. This alone is prayer, this alone is intimacy with God. Its blissful fulfilment remains hidden from our sight and experience as it was for Jesus in his earthly life. All that concerns us here and now is what concerned Jesus: that God should have just whatever he wants. Jesus has become our way, our truth and our life because he declined to have any way of his own, any truth or reality of his own, only the Father's. He declined to live from his own well-springs but only from the Father. This is what we have to do; this is how we must live. Jesus is with us always not so as to pillow our weary heads on his breast and murmur words of solace in our ears continually, but to share with us his vision, his passionate dedication to the Father's will. He is with us to brace, reinforce, underpin us for our life's great task. He lifts from our shoulders the crushing yoke of an alien master, the god we have fashioned in our own likeness, by revealing the true face of the Father. He breaks off self-made shackles of bondage and sets us free. Thus his companionship gives us rest and real happiness. Nevertheless there remains a yoke and a burden that has to be carried with courage and love. Life-giving, joy-giving knowledge of Jesus and the Father he reveals does not drop into our lap from heaven. We have to work for it. 'Come to me', says Jesus, and we must go to him, and the prime way of going to him js by intent, loving absorption of scrip­ ture, particularly the New Testament. Put simply, we 1 09

must strive to aquire an intellectual knowledge of him, of his attitudes, values, teaching. This intellectual knowledge is certainly not intimacy, certainly not a 'knowing Jesus' but it is an indispensable ingredient for intimacy and real knowing. It is work we have to do, a practical expression of earnest desire to get to know our Lord. Moreover it supplies, so to speak, the matter into which spirit can be infused, or in more homely words, we laboriously gather the faggots to build the bonfire which only God can set alight. But it has to be there for him to set alight. We must realise that it is not a case of our having to labour all by ourselves until the bonfire is a good size and everything well-dried out and then we can hope for God to set fire to it. No, we are never working alone. When we search for him in the scriptures we have already found him. He is with us, at a level we do not perceive and cannot perceive, touching our inmost depths and working within, infusing light, inflaming the will. From time to time we may be aware of enlightenment and a stirring of desire but it is utter folly to conclude that, if we do not feel those things 'it has not come off ' and 'I am getting nowhere' . That might be so were we engaged in secular study or even in sacred scripture in a secular way, but it is certainly not so when we are 'listening' to the word of God be it in our private reflection or in the communal 'listening' of the liturgy. We are engaged in a sacra­ mental action. Something is happening as it happens in the Eucharist and other sacraments. But as with them, our part is essential. We must bring our elements. 'Seek and you will find', Jesus assures us solemnly. Our seeking in scripture must be like that of the bride in the Canticles, all heart, never a merely intellectul effort. Our heart must infuse our minds with trust, desire, resolution. Our heart must be in our eyes as we read and in our ears as we hear. Most certainly then we shall find him. This search for the beloved in the revealed word I IO

means that our times of silent prayer have content. We have strong motives for perseverance. We have a growing though obscure knowledge of the Father before whom we are trustfully exposed. We can recog­ nise him as he comes to us in our daily lives, quickly discern his demands with ever growing depth and clarity. We have his own vision by which to interpret the revelation of material creation and human history. Jesus draws us to himself not for himself but so as to take us to the Father. The Father has asked him to be our friend. He has confided us to him as a cherished possession and Jesus considers us more precious than the whole world and his own life. Jesus was unimportant to himself. We are only his friends in truth if we allow him to share his Father with us. Friendship with him entails absolute loyalty on both sides. He, most readily, most devotedly, lays down his life for his friends. On the other hand, his friends never let him down. They are at his side in all his trials, never desert him whatever happens. They stand up before 'men' and acknowledge him, never allowing the opinions, fashions, ridicule or persecutions of 'men' to lead them to betray or deny their friend. And when we are his friends, how confid­ ingly we can approach the Father. Jesus teaches his friends a prayer that enshrines all he wants to teach them, all he asks of them. It is addressed to Abba. We are to say 'Our Father' . We know he is Father, not because we have proof, because, in the course of our lives we detect a fatherly care or because we often feel a warm loving presence; not because we see him granting our little wishes. No, we acknowledge him as Father for none of these reasons but simply because Jesus guarantees him. As with Jesus himself, everything can seem contrary to what we normally mean by father-love and care. By staking everything on Jesus' guarantee, and trying to live always in the faith that God is Father, we come to know that he is; that he is our ground, air, our encompassing, the source III

of what we are and do. If we reflect carefully we shall find that we catch ourselves out in attitudes, words, actions, doubts, fears, scruples, that belie our notional belief. In actual fact, if not in 'belief', we are assuming that he is difficult to approach, that he is not concerned with us and has to be won over on to our side. A friend told me of a little girl who was afraid when she woke up alone at night and frequently disturbed her parents by going along to them. 'But you are not alone', the mother reassured her, 'Jesus is with you'. 'I know, ' her daughter replied, 'but I want someone with skin on. ' This heartfelt vivid declaration echoes our own yearning. We find it so hard to 'live by faith alone', as we say. We too waht someone 'with skin on'. The danger is that we try to put skin on. Misleading things are often said and written about the development of prayer and probably the outpourings of the mystics have been misinterpreted. Certainly we pick up the idea that sooner or later we shall realise the presence and love of God almost as though it were on the same level and mode of perception as human love. This is to overlook that our Abba is 'in heaven'. These are Jesus' words. Abba though he is, he is completely other, transcendent mystery. Between him and us there lies an unbridgeable gulf which we could never cross. He himself has thrown the bridge, his Jesus. Only because he has done this can we know him and the breathtaking truth that he calls us to intimacy. Our approach to him must always be with awe. '0 come, let us worship and ' bow down, let us kneel before the Lord, our maker!' Our whole being must be bowed in worship all day long. And we must renounce the desire to have a God we can handle. We can be like people at a seaside resort who prefer the man-made swimming pool with its easy temperature, safety and amenities. After all, it is sea­ water! And a little beyond is the open sea, untram­ melled, untameable, over which we have no control whatever. But it is to this sea that we must commit I I2

ourselves and let ourselves be carried away. It is terrifying, this immense sea that is God. What will he do with us? Where will he carry us? He is Abba, says Jesus. Fear not, trust him. Faith is not a thing of the mind, it is not an intellectual certainty or a felt conviction of the heart, it is a sustained decision to take God with utter seriousness as the God of our life; it is to live out the hours in a practical, concrete affirmation that he is Father ar1d he is 'in heaven' . It is a decision to shift the centre of our life from ourselves to him, to forgo self-interest and make his interests, his will our whole concern. This is what it means to hallow his name as Father in heaven. Often it may seem that we only act 'as if ', so unaffected are our hearts, perhaps even mocking us : 'where is your God?' It is this acting 'as if ' which is true faith. All that matters to faith is that God should have what he wants and we know that what he wants is always our own blessedness. His purposes are worked out, his will is mediated to us in the humblest form, as humble as our daily bread. It is perhaps not too difficult to see God's provi�ence in certain areas of our lives but it is likely that hour follows hour, full of little events, decisions and choices that are, in fact, divorced from him. If so we are denying him as Abba. We do not allow him to reign over us totally and we can excuse ourselves with the illusion that in our case the requisite conditions for total loving are not present. It would be different if such and such were different. Our situation is far too distracting and worrying. The truth is devastatingly simple and we are tempted to shirk the stark, overwhelming reality that God is giving himself to us in the stream of ordi­ nary, mundane events in our ordinary, mundane life. This is where he is for us, here and not elsewhere. Here, precisely here, must we hallow his name. Nothing is wanting to us . ' Fresh and green are the pastures where he gives me repose. ' It is not for us to j udge whether 1 13

they are fresh and green and sustaining. If he puts us there, even though they seem to us barren and hard, a place of struggle rather than repose, they are the pastures we need and in which we shall grow. We pray 'give us this day our daily bread'. When you pray, Jesus tells us, you have to believe your prayer is already heard. We cannot j udge results. We are certain that everything that comes to us is our daily nourishing bread. This is what it means to believe: to take that daily bread and eat it with love and gratitude no matter how bitter the taste. By nature we, as it were, stand on the viewpoint of self and judge other people, things, what is happening, from that stand. Faith demands that we deliberately get off that stand and move to another, the viewpoint of Jesus, and then, how different every­ thing looks! This needs constant effort, constant readjustment. Unless we undertake this battle against our subj ectivity, how we feel, how things look to us and so forth, and choose to stand on Jesus and live our lives in his vision, we shall never get anywhere. And yet, how few do this day in day out until it is second nature, their own nature. These indeed have put on the mind of Christ. Jesus bids us say 'Our Father' and to hallow his name must mean taking very seriously that everyone is a child of this Father and our brother or sister. As God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, we must put on compassion, kindness, lowliness, meekness and patience, forgiving one another . . . we must show constant, unconditional love and goodness to all no matter how they treat us because this is what God is like and does. He is forgive­ ness - a love always on tiptoe to give. As soon as we are there to receive he gives himself. We must be like this, we must respond to others like this. Unless we do so we cannot receive God's love. We have turned away from him. Nowhere, except when he is quoting the Shema, does Jesus speak of our loving the Father. He tells us we must believe in the Father, trust him, obey I 14

him, and love our neighbour. It can seem presumptuous to speak of loving God - as though we can! We love Jesus and he has spelt out for us what loving him means - keeping his commandments. This surrender to Jesus in keeping his words, immediately puts us in the Father's waiting embrace. 'If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him'. l A loving fellowship is established. Jesus loves the Father. The Father loves Jesus. Only in Jesus can we love the Father and receive his love. We love the brother we see and his brothers living with us in our mortal life, and in doing so, we are loving the unspeakable mystery, the Father. 0

righteous Father, the world has not known thee, but I have known thee; and these have known that thou has sent me. I have made known thy name to them and will make it known, that the love with which thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them. 2 Sometimes we can feel as if life is just too hard, or just too uninteresting and drab. It can seem that the obstacles within ourselves are mountainous and insuperable. Jesus' own unwavering faith must be ours. Everything is possible to him who believes, was his humble boast. When everything seemed to be going wrong for him, when the 'no' of human hearts had congealed into hard rock which threatened to grind him down, he was certain that his Father could and would move that hard mass and drown it for ever. He died in hope, not in hopes realised. The picture of him asleep in the violent storm when others were frantic and angered by his seeming indifference reveals his inmost heart in its perfect trust. If we would be his friends we must live like that. A friend of Jesus dares all and never 1 John 1 4 : 2 3 .

2

John I T 2 5-6 RSV.

II5

says such and such is too hard. If God asks something then it is possible of accomplishment. His friends evade nothing, be it trying situations, uncongenial people, difficult duties. They take each day as it comes with its pleasures and joys, its disagreeable things ap.d pains, shoulder their cross and go with Jesus. The significance of the cross is not suffering but obedience - doing the Father's will regardless of whether it is easy or hard. For the true friends of Jesus evil does not exist. Every­ thing is turned to good. Death itself, the epitome of all that is evil and destructive of man, is transformed. In his wonderful riposte to the Sadducees who denied the resurrection, Jesus, himself still in faith and not in sight, gloriously affirms our everlasting future, simply because he knows his Father and he knows this Father could never abandon his friends. The idea is unthink­ able. 'You are quite, quite wrong, ' he emphatically declares, and closes the issue. Friends of God? Can it be? Yes, but there is only one way: to become 'son'; to accept the friendship and companionship of Jesus so as to learn sonship from him, share in his sonship. In practice this means being utterly unimportant to ourselves, becoming selfless, empty, nothing but an echo - like Enoch disappearing. This is the paradox: the one who has consented to be nothing but an emptiness for the Father's love, becomes - and only now, in this context of nothingness, dare we breathe the word - somehow 'equal' to God, raised up to be his friend, his beloved. 'The Father and I are one', says Jesus. Lost in his kenosis it can perhaps be said of us.

I I6

Our Father ------==��--�-��=----

Prologue --------==������E+�==�----

One of the profoundest ways of expressing our human vocation, and one that is truly biblical, is to say that we are called, each one of us, to be a son of God. (The word in our sense transcends gender. ) This expression carries within it almost all there is to say about what it means to be human. Man is truly man only when he is a son of God. And we know that this vocation of ours exists only in the perfect Son, Jesus Christ our Lord. We do not become sons alongside him. No, it is into his sonship that we enter; the grace of his sonship is given to us. The Father sends the spirit of this one Son into our hearts, whereby we too cry 'Abba, Father'. 1 My hope is that these reflections will sharpen our desire to receive this marvellous vocation and also point the way in. As our whole human vocation is enshrined for us in the Lord's Prayer we shall use it as both guide and inspiration.

1 Rom.

8 : r s-r6. I

19

Our Father --------�==���-�-���=----

'Go and find the brothers, and tell them: I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God. '1 This is the triumphant proclamation of the vindi­ cated Jesus who lived and died in an ecstasy of love for his Father, Abba. That God is Father is the heart of the gospel, it is the good news. Everything else derives from this, and not until Jesus came could we know it. True, other men had spoken of God as Father, but theirs was an uncertain knowledge, inevitably circumscribed by a purely human appreciation of the word. Jesus' revelation of the Father is unique, and its impli­ cations not merely world-shaking but world-remaking. For Jesus, God's name, his true being, is precisely Father and nothing else. He alone is Father, and human father- · hood is but a shadowy reflection of his. 'Call no one on earth your father . . . you have only one Father and he is in heaven;'2 if only we could thrust our brand into the fire of this truth and receive its power! Paul burst out in a paeon of worshipful love: 'I fall on my knees to the Father of our lord Jesus Christ from whom all fatherhood (and motherhood) in heaven and on earth is named. '3 We readily assume that this is merely a matter of attributing to God what we associate with any parenthood worthy of the name. Paul under­ stands rightly that it is the other way round. God alone 1 John

20: 1 7.

2

Matt.

2 3 :9.

3

Eph.

1 20

3:14

(freely translated) .

is Father and thus it is he who is the norm for all human parenthood . Jesus speaks to us of the Father's way, how the Father sees and estimates. He speaks of him as being absorbed in us, knowing all our needs, accounting for every hair of our heads. He is to be relied on absolutely, always there to receive us, enfolding us in tenderest, uncon­ ditional love. I But the deepest revelation of the Father is Jesus himself, behind and beyond his words. It is not uncommon today to hear the objection that God- as Father means nothing to many people, or is positively revolting because they have never known a father's love. If they have never experienced fatherly love how can they respond to the good news that God is Abba? Human love and its wondrous power of transformation should not be belittled; but never to have experienced parental affection, while it may leave a lifelong emotional void, need be no barrier to surrendering confidently to our Father in heaven. We do not have to seek an answer in human testimony; we look to Jesus, who in his own person shows us the Father. 'Call no one on earth your father . . . you have only one Father and he is in heaven'. 2 We have, then, no excuse. True, our emotions may remain blocked and frozen, but nothing can stop us from growing in the knowledge of God our Father and living out that knowledge (which is all that matters). There must have been many times in Jesus' own life when what was happening to him seemed clean contrary to what, in our limited experience, we think of as fatherly love and care. 1

Luke 1 2 : 1-3 2 .

2

Matt. 23 :9.

121

It was by being Son that Jesus revealed .A bba as he really is. Jesus understood that he could only be a perfect Son, allow the Father to beget him into all fullness, if he opened himself to receive, and receive at every moment of his life. It meant being totally dependent on the Father, accepting to have no life of his own, no rights , no initiatives. He existed by the Father, to receive the Father. And thus the Father was able to give everything to Jesus - ' all I have is yours'. In his turn Jesus could affirm, ' all I have is yours and all you have is mine' . 1 ' Everything has been entrusted to me by my Father. '2 So complete is the transaction, the self-bestowal of the Father, that only he can truly know Jesus; for who can know what God is save God himself?3 And in consequence only Jesus knows the Father truly, the Father whose perfect reflection he is. 4 Jesus' thoughts , words, actions, are those of the Father, and all can be summed up ultimately in saying that the Father communicates to him his own passion for us. This was the burdenJesus had to bear. His human finite heart had to receive this love and express it. At times the burden seemed insupportable: ' Oh faithless and perverse generation, how long am I to be with you. How long am I to bear with you?'5 And yet he immedi­ ately summons the suffering boy after these words and cures him. 'Come to me all you who labour and are overburdened, and I will give you rest. Shoulder my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Yes, my yoke is easy and

1 5

John 1 7 : 10. 2 Luke 1 0:22. Luke 9:41 (freely translated) .

3 1

1 22

Cor. 2 : 1 1 .

4

Heb. 1 : 3 .

my burden light . 1 Jesus' own indestructible, unweary­ ing tender love and compassion are the Father ' s . What Jesus does the Father is doing. Jesus, instinct with the Father's will, shares his Father with us . S olidly based on the rock of Abba-love, as maternal as it is paternal, Jesus summons us to an obedi­ ence like his own . We must allow the Father to be truly Father, to beget us, to communicate himself to us, and this means the most profound self-abdication. Jesus never s aid no, it was always yes, and amen. At each successive mo ment of his humble suffering life he surrendered to his Father, and thus the more his Father could give. The climax was reached in the self-expendi­ ture of the cross when his heart was broken open . This was the fullest expression, such as we understand it now, o f total love. Jesus trusted blindly; trusted when everything fell to pieces around him. The Father would vindicate the Son o f his love. Faced with death he voiced his certitude that the kingdom was at hand and, the ordeal over, he would be drinking new wine with his disciples . 2 The seed must die but the harvest would come3 - how could the Father not act, not vindicate his Son? But it must be on the Father ' s terms, in the Father's own way. The resurrection was the Father's divine answer. What this means now to Jesus we cannot fatho m ; but this we do know , that all Jesus stood for is true, that God is Abba, and the only meaning of human life is to learn what that means - to kno w with Jesus' o wn knowledge and allow God to be Abba to us . When you pray you must say ' Our Father. 1

2 Luke 22: 1 8 . Matt. 1 1 : 2 8 -30. 1 2: 24. 4 Matt 6:9 (freely translated) .

3 John

! 23

'4

Who art in heaven -------=====���� Father in heaven. We cannot separate these two concepts . The Father Jesus gives us is a 'holy Father', whom the world cannot know because it will not. Only Jesus can know him and those who humbly accept to share in his knowledge. 1 If we are to know God it can only be because he chooses to reveal himself. Between him and us there is an unbridgeable gulf that we ourselves, of ourselves cannot cross . He is completely 'other', transcendent mystery, yet a mystery that draws near to us and lovingly beckons. It is he who has made the bridge across the abyss; he has opened a door into his own eternal being, and that door is Jesus.z The ' world', that does not and cannot know God is human pride and self-sufficiency, the enemy of the God that really is. This world chooses to stand on itself, in a way of existence within its own bounds and control, and refuses the invitation to be drawn beyond itself into God's holy being. It resists with murderous p anic the mystery that is Love. This world wants power over its god, wants to grasp him in the tentacles of knowledge, wants a puppet controlled by its own dictates - and this world is in us all. For u.s to say in truth, 'Father in heaven ' , means we humbly receive our being from him, affirming that it is for him to design our destiny and for him to enable 1

John

17.25.

2

John

1 0 . 9.

1 24

us to a chieve it. We deliberately surrender all attemp ts to control our own lives , to be our own capt;.in. We must not dictate to God, demanding that he be the sort of God we want, nor must we prescribe a way for ourselves; rather we must allow ourselves to be led . ' In heaven' means God is hidden from our natural perception. This is an inescapable truth which our intel­ lect is bound to acknowledge; but how hard it is to live b y this truth consistently! We expend energy in an anxious search for tangible tokens, trying to catch glimpses of him, feel touches of his hand . . . our poor misguided hearts contrive little fantasies to reassure us in the silence and darkness. Even though our intellect would deny it, our hearts conclude when such tokens are lacking that God is difficult to approach, fearsome, or simply 'not there' for us. Our perplexities, our anxieties and fretting, speak louder then words, that we think he is a fickle God, one who plays g ames with us, something of a s adist, who dumps us in a maze and from his vantage point above finds perverse satisfaction in our hopeless attempts to find our way. He does not help us, no matter how hard we pray . The answer to this pathetic self-torture is simply Jesus. Jesus shows us a Father of tenderest caring who would gather us under his wings as a mother hen gathers her chicks . 1 A Father who in his holy love makes great demands but who has given us his Jesus, in whom and by whom we can fulfil those demands to our everlasting blessedness. All we need to know is Jesus, and base our lives on his dark knowledge of Abba. If only we could resolve once for all to do this and refuse all desire to

1 Luke

1 3 :34. 1 25

drag him into the light of day, to set ourselves up as the j udges of his providence. It is not for us to interpret the events of life in that we would presume to assert that this rather than that was God's intervention. It is true that most of us feel we can recognise his special providence in certain momentous happenings; but this should simply convince us of his continual providence always, all the time, and especially in those events and at those times when to our way of thinking we feel he has left us alone. Likewise we cannot presume to know when he is closest to us at prayer: that this was a deep experience of him whereas that was his absence. Hidden God that he is he is infinitely near, always present in his loving self­ bestowal, the ultimate controller and source of every­ thing. All is worthy of him as Abba. We are to be with him 'in heaven' and this means, among other things, that we too must be hidden . Our true self, our life in Jesus, is concealed even from ourselves . Can we accept this out of love for him?

! 26

Hallowed be thy

name

-------====+a����es====�---

We h allow G o d ' s name when we make our lives a continual acknowledgement that we have a Father in heaven. The full implications of this holy fatherhood must unfold as we grow in practical faith. P ractical faith - in reality there is no other sort of faith. Faith is not faith unless it is on the move, so to speak. Faith is not something lodged in the head or even in the heart; it is an activity, something that is always in operation and grows stronger b y exercise. We belong to our holy Father, a hidden God, but in that hiddenness totally present . How then can we fritter away our lives as though they were unimportant? To be Father means to be life-giver, and God's deepest desire for us is fullness of life. We must w ant this too. We must w ant to live each mo ment of our lives, really live, not j ust undergo. This means hoarding j ealously the opportunities fo r growth - they come, are o ffered, they pass and never come again. They can be exploited or lost for ever . . . unique opportunities of expressing our love and gratitude to him who so loves us . . . of blind trust in him whom at present we cannot see or enj o y . Alas, that we value our lives so little and waste numerous o ccasions ! God summons us to deepest intimacy with himself even in this life. We are bidden to whisper the filial intimate name 'Abb a ' , that was Jesus ' own name for him . 1 But this intimacy must be permeated with awe. That does

1 Rom. 8 : 1 5-17.

1 27

not mean we have to work up a sensation of awe before the holiness and maj esty of God. It does mean that we must never trifle with this God, never allow a substi­ tute; rather we must dethrone, or allow him to dethrone, every idol we have set up, and the primal idol is our own self. Jesus was smitten to the heart at the lack of gravity and seriousness he witnessed all around him, and that from people who professed belief in his Father. In practice the Father mattered little to them: their immediate satis­ faction, their security, their comfortable complacency that they were on good terms with God, or conversely, their atheistic cynicism, mattered far more. Jesus shows us what it is to hallow God's name. Not a moment of his precious life was frittered away, no occasion was lost, be it one of j oy or sorrow. It was in the same situation as we are, a situation of inherited weakness , trouble and temptation, that Jesus hallowed the name of his Father, flashing back to him, as in an untarnished mirror, his own self-giving . In his deepest anguish he still murmured the tender name of 'Abba ' . 1 His lips uttered it but his whole being was ratifying: 'You are my Abba, my holy Abba. ' It is within our own sinful context, not away from it, that we hallow God's name; when in temptation and conflict, in the misery of our bad moods, ' under' not 'on top', it is then that we must struggle to love if only by a feeble smile, refusing a criticism, even an interior one, struggling to be sensitive to another's feelings, to bite back a haughty rej oinder, allowing ourselves tQ be imposed upon. What priceless opportunities! Holy Father, make me know you in a living way so

1 Luke 23 :46.

! 28

that I never pass you by, never slight you, but use every moment to hallow your name.

1 29

Thy kingdom come -------===��������==�----

When we pray 'Thy kingdom come' we are invltmg God to come and do in us all that he wants to do . We are affirming that we want him to be our God and Father, to love us into the fullness of life. We are praying that his great plan of love for his creation be accomplished . Nothing else can satisfy the human hearts he has made for himself. 'If you knew the gift of God', t Jesus cries; he who did know it and esteemed it truly. If God is to be really our God and Father he must be allowed a free hand . He must reign. Ah, but we want to reign in the little world of our own life. We want to own ourselves and run our kingdom. We will fly God's flag, we will keep his laws as best we can, but hand over control? No, that we cannot do! It would mean losing everything, ceasing to be human, for after all, autonomy is our inalienable right. It is the way we are, the way we live and function. Pray 'Thy kingdom come', says Jesus, 'surrender to that kingdom, it is your blessedness . You think you will lose your life? Believe me, you will gain it, your only true life, eternal life. '2 The kingdom is fully present in Jesus for he has allowed God to be his God, his Abba. The kingdom is pure gift, the pure, gracious self-giving of the God of love. We can never take hold of it, never 1

John 4: 1o RSV.

2 Matt. 10:39.

130

bring it in, cannot even know of its existence. To see it, to enter in, we must be born again of water and spirit. 1 The w ater of our natural being, no matter how fertile it seems, is mere chaos until it is touched by the Spirit. God alone can bring to realisation its rich potential . We must yield to him, recognise our chaos , and long to become the garden, the domain of God. From a careful reading of the gospel of John comes an almost devastating impression of Jesus as emptied out; an impression o f what it means for a man to let God rule him absolutely, to let God be God - and Father. O ver and over he insists that nothing comes fro m himself, it i s all received. Too easily w e interpret the sayings of Jesus in a diametrically opposite way. We conclude he had a sense of his own grandeur and ' Godnes s ' , a luminous , cloudless knowledge, a sense of walking in a higher, unearthly dimension, aware of power within him , rich in inner resources . His hearers accused him of boasting and blasphemy because they too misunderstoo d . F r o m the depths of h i s self-emptied being Jesus could make unrivalled afftrmations : ' I am the light o f the world' ; 2 'I am resurrection and life ' ;3 ' the Father and I are one ' . 4 He has let God give, has let God hand over everything to him as a true father does . s I n reality Jesus was crying out: 'You don't understand. I am claiming nothing for myself. I am absolutely nothing, I have no resources . I am the poorest of the poor, I am no-self, but the Father is all to me and in

1 John 3 : 5 . John I O : J O .

4

2

John 8 : 1 2 . 5 John 1 3 : 3 .

3

John 1 1 : 2 5 .

131

me, and that is why I am his living presence among ' you. ' Come, learn of me', he says, ' and you will find rest. '1 First of all we must admit that only God can purify and transform us . This is said easily enough but in practice we do not think so. We insist on running our own spiritual life, we get worked up when things go wrong (according to our ideas) , we are pleased with ourselves when we feel good and successful. We are inflexible with our own concept of God, how he is and how he should act. We initiate and decide, and then think it is up to him to comply and applaud. O r we make a mess of things and see him as displeased, threatening (albeit' mildly) , 'Thy kingdom come'! Let us pray it blindly, not knowing really what we are asking, and over and over again, several times a day, explicitly tell him we intend that he shall have everything, he shall be allowed to do all he wants to do. This basic intention we must keep before us and be always looking at him, seeing what he wants here and now and giving it. If we keep our inner eyes on him - and maintaining a sincere intention is precisely that - we shall not miss him. We shall be so busy with him that we shall forget our own ideas and plans . We cannot be taking our own initiatives at the same time as we are bent on waiting for his. We are utterly confident that the Father wants to give us his kingdom2 and that he will leave no stone unturned to do so. There is no need for strain or anxiety . There is no mysterious art to be mastered, it is all there before us at each moment. What God asks of us we can always

1

Matt. 1 1 :28 (freely translated). 1 32

2 Luke 1 2:32.

accomplish . There is nothing to be afraid of. It is not a chancy thing that might not come off. B e happy to feel that you cannot control your life, that there is s o much in you that you seem unable to cope with . Trust yourself to him, take each moment as it comes, for each moment holds him . Let him have the say, let him take charge, even though you are left feeling that no one is in charge. Dispossession possession.

of self is

the reverse side

133

of God­

Thy will be done --------�===E��-��

Jesus the perfect Son was a completely obedient man who always did his Father's will right to the end. 1 He surrendered to every manifestation of God's will no matter how concealed its origin - in darkness, in pain. Now he tastes, experiences through and through what it means to be Son; what it means to have a God who is Father. He has been perfected, he has reached fulfilment. The Father asks for perfect obedience only because openness to him, surrender to his essentially mysterious working, is the only way the human creature can be brought to perfect fulfilment - which is perfect happiness. What we have seen Jesus doing in relation to his Father we must do in our turn. When we look at the Jesus of the gospels we see a man devoured by love and devotion towards God, his Father. It is a devotion expressed in act by absolute submission and obedience. It is a prac­ tical love of complete self-expenditure. The Father alone mattered to Jesus . He did not matter to himself at all. He left it to his Father to care for him; his whole substance was expended for him. Jesus was so given, so surrendered, so emptied out, that he was like a hollow shell in which the roar of the ocean could

1 John 8:29.

1 34

be heard . He was an emptiness in which the Father could fully express his own self-giving bein g . We have t o be living embodiments o f Jesus, a s h e is of the Father. And this , says Jesus, is joy: ' My joy which you must share. ' t It i s Jesus who reveals what i t means t o b e human. He is the light on the otherwise incomprehensible mystery of man. Now that he is the risen Lord he knows whence he comes. He knows with the fullness of knowledge, in the full light of day and face to face, the Father from whom he draws his being , his meaning, his completion. He has reached his term, the goal of his developing, striving being - the Father . Jesus has become his completed self, perfect Son, by living entirely in, on, from, for the Father. He is there­ fore Man, for the only meaning of man is to be a total ' fo r-Godnes s ' , son of God in the fullest meaning of the term son. And each o f us has to become Jesus . This is the Chris­ tian's sole aim which is nothing other than the destiny of all people; it is what human beings are for, what the world is for. This is the essence of all effective apostolate - to live the depth and breadth of the human vocation . When w e s a y 'Jesus ' w e are holding together two profound realities . We mean the living Lord in the glory of his victory, the surrendered One who is all G o d ' s . Our roots are i n this victorious O n e . He is the ground on which we stand, the unshakeable rock, our perfect security. But the risen Jesus is lost to our human gaze. He too

1 John 1 5 : 1 1 (freely translated) . 13 5

is in light inaccessible which our poor earthly sight cannot cope with. And we are not meant to try. Standing on his victory, drawing our life from his inexhaustible well-spring, we are gently turned away from him in splendour to contemplate him in his mortal existence. This is what we are doing when we meditate on the gospels. This is how we meet him, learn from him. We learn from him in the days of his flesh, when he too must contemplate the mystery of the Father, not face to face but in a mirror darkly as we do . 1 He stood in tears, bruised by harsh reality as we are, searching for his Father's hand in the darkness, trusting to the Father's love when everything seemed contrary to it. Jesus knew what was in man. His parables show that: human craftiness and meanness, hypocrisy, com­ placency, worldly-mindedness, unforgivingness, apathy! When we read how he was surrounded by the crowd - the palsied, the lame, the blind, the deaf, those controlled by demons - then we see what his living knowledge of human beings, his fellow men, was like. But it is in the midst of this terrible awareness that he points us to the Father: 'Believe in God, believe also in me. '2 Believe in me even though all I am affirming contradicts your sense of life. From this Jesus we learn to live day by day our human vocation to be 'for-God'. All our judgements not ours but his; knowing only with his knowledge; no desire or will of our own but his , no power, no achievements. What Jesus was to his Father, we are to Jesus. 'As I live by the Father so you must live by me. '3

1 1

Cor. 1 3 : 1 2 .

2 John 1 4 : 1 RSV.

3 John

6:57.

Thy will be done. From the moment we get up each morning we must set our compass steadily in one direction. M oment by moment we must re-set it when it has veered away . Thoughts, words, deeds, must have one sole direction and must be corrected and brought to heel when they follow an alien track. Only this constant hourly effort to live wholly in Jesus for God the Father is worthy of a Christian. And as we labour God is doing his part and transforming us at a depth we can never comprehend or even know is there.

1 37

On earth as in heaven -------===����<=():>�£±+�===---

God wills our perfect fulfilment in him. He wills this absolutely and unchangingly. Everything is ordained to this. So to do his will means co-operating with him to bring this about. This earth, all that goes to make up human history, is where the self-bestowal of God takes place. To attempt to escape from the earth and create a sort of spiritual 'heaven' where we can live a life more worthy of the spiritual beings we fancy we are, is to cut ourselves off from constant exposure to God and his transforming action. We can hardly overstress the gravity of time and the realism with which we must take this world as the place where God reveals and gives himself to us. He is nowhere else. He is not away in heaven . He is with us; and therefore we are in heaven in the measure in which we allow him to give himself. In the story of the transfiguration we see how the three disciples were given a glimpse, expressed in symbolic imagery, of the inner reality of Jesus, the Jesus they experienced in everyday clothes and with his Galilean accent. The Jesus who knew temptation, weariness, frustration. The Jesus who did ordinary things , who had worked as a carpenter and had an inside knowledge of village life. Now they saw this humble being radiant with God's own light, 'in heaven' . 1

1 Matt. 7: 1-8; Mark 9:2-8; Luke 9:28-36.

God wills that heaven should invade earth , that earth should be transfo rmed into heaven . This h appens only when individual hearts allow him to triumph in the m . Where he fully indwells there i s heaven. This is what we are praying for when we ask th at his will be done on earth as in heaven . It would be God's dear wish that there were no bit of earth that was j ust pure earth with no intermingling heaven . He would want each human earth to be heaven, his own dwelling place. I saw the mist was deep and everywhere delicate though all one with the gossa mer lace on the phantom bush pricked out with white-fired dew that all must be as it is S o , kiss the so aked earth, lift your face to the luminous shroud. Walk in the Mist unshod.

139

Give us this day our daily bread -------===���=�-��===--The great and holy will of God to give himself to you and me is mediated like the sun's rays. The pure white light is broken up into multiple particles . It reaches me in the here and now of all that happens in my daily life. Give us this day our daily bread - give us the kingdom . What else can this mean but the kingdom perfect and whole? And God hears the prayer which he himself msp1res. Do I believe this? Do I see in what he gives me true bread? Do I take it humbly and gratefully and nourish myself on it? Or do I ignore it because it does not look like bread, does not taste like bread? 'What father among you would hand his son a stone when he asked for bread? Or hand him a snake instead of a fish? Or hand him a scorpion if he asked for an egg ? ' 1 B u t we are quite capable of thinking o u r heavenly Father does this sort of thing which the most ordinary of fathers would never do . Can we not in obscurity, in faith, believe? Must everything satisfy sense and intel­ lect before we bow our heads in submission? To act like this is not faith. It is the way of the flesh, that flesh which is like the flower of the field, lacking all substance . 2 When i t comes down t o i t the proof of faith lies in how

1 Luke

I I: I 2 .

2 lsa. 40:6-8.

we view our daily lives . Do we see all as the holy bread our Father gives us? His pure will coming to us in this unexpected event; this lowly service? We have to accept him in the life and circumstances he has given us, and this we find so appallingly hard. We want another sort of life that is more interesting, circumstances that tune in more with what we think God's coming should be like. I came across the statement that Mark's gospel is wholly concerned with the secret epiphanies of God, and this struck me, for I see it reflects perfectly our o wn situ­ ation. M ark shows us Jesus as naked man: he is moved to anger, grief, horror, fear, he manifests ignorance, he dies helplessly calling out in dereliction. At the same time Mark succeeds in showing him as divine : the Father acknowledges him, others become fleetingly aware of the presence of the numinous in him , he works miracles. But if we look at these miracles we find that people as a whole were not convinced by them . It was only the perceptive heart - and that of unlikely people - not his own relatives, not his own race, not even his disciples, who saw something of the truth. The epiphany was hidden and yet it was an epiphany . Here, it seems to me we have the kernel of it. Every minute of life contains these secret epiphanies . If we live continually in their ambience then indeed we live by faith. If everything is such an epiphany for us then our faith is perfect. God is coming to us all the time but we do not hold ourselves attentive to meet him, to receive him and to give him what he wants. His coming is as lowly, as commonplace, as without thrills as our daily bread.

·

When Jesus was a grown man, when he stood on the brink of his passion at the end of his short life spent in utter self-giving, he did a simple human thing. He took material elements, food and drink which in themselves symbolise human life; he prayed to his Father to ratify what he was doing, and he gave this food and drink to his disciples with the words: 'My body for you . . . The new covenant in my blood for you . . . Do this in memory of me. ' I The bread and wine signified his own perfect offering, lifelong, from the cradle onwards , and soon to be summed up finally in his surrender to death . Rightly has the Church seen that in fulfilling his will - ' D o this in memory of me' - she is precisely re-enacting the mystery of his total self-oblation. Through this sacra­ ment the Church puts herself in the presence of this mystery, makes it hers: it becomes for us our daily bread. So her children bring the bread and wine, fruit of the earth, work of their hands, symbols of the offering of ourselves . These are laid upon the altar with our poor lives, each day, each hour . . . filled with little actions, aspirations, fears , longings, sufferings - all that goes to make up a human span - but in s�crifice. We want these poor earthly things to be an expression of perfect love for the Father. We give you, dear Lord, all we have and are under the veil of bread and wine. In themselves, as of themselves, they are ineffective, they can never carry us to the Father. Make them into your own offering , your own flight of love which does get there. Transform us into your immolated self.

1 Matt. 26:26-9; Mark 1 4:22-5 ; Luke 22: 1 7-19.

In Holy Communion we receive back the humble offer­ ings we first p resented, not as themselves, but as sacra­ ment of union, of transformation. We eat God and are transfo rmed thereby. Not so that we become something marvellous but so that we become nothing but a living response, an act of obedience, a pure burnt o ffering . Thus we too will shine with the light of Godhead - but he alone will see it. Give us this day our daily bread - the bread o f your will, the bread of your body.

1 43

Forgive us our tresp asses 4a�-��==�---'Forgive us our wrong doing. ' Our Lord, who puts these words on our lips, is the atonement for them. We do not have to earn forgiveness or make it: we have only to take advantage of what is already there, what has been done for us. Sin is not a thing; it is not a moral stain or blemish, it is a damage to a relationship, a rej ection of love. I t is a gap, a chasm, and those who have chosen to be far o ff must be brought close. It is God himself who brings about this reconciliation, this reunion, this at-one-ment. Jesus' coming has simply everything to do with the forgiveness of sins . The good shepherd comes himself to search for the lost sheep and bring him home. 1 'Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners'z this is an absolutely true saying, states the Epistle to Timothy. Thus we are certain of forgiveness, that God never holds our sins against us . 'It is a j oy, a bliss, an endless satisfying to me, that ever I suffered passion for thee, '3 wrote the medieval mystic Julian of Norwich in her penetrating way, placing these words on the lips of Jesus. Yes, but should we take this 'blissful passion' lightly? Truly there is a terrible cost to be borne, but it is he, 1 3

2 1 Tim. 1 : 1 5 . Luke 1 5 :4-7. Revelations of Divine Love, ch. 22.

1 44

not us, who bears it. We need to ponder this cost lest we underestimate our infidelity, soothing ourselves with, 'he understands . . . others may condemn me, but he understands ' ; in the sense that he does not think much of my shabbiness and lack of generosity . 'He came to save sinners of whom I am the greatest. ' Can we say that sincerely? Well, if we think of sin in terms of adultery, murder, extortion and the rest, o f course we cannot say w e are the greatest of sinners. But if we put sin in the right context, that is in the context o f relationships, of surrender to the love of God, then I do not think we shall have any difficulty, provided we are close enough to him to realise j ust how mediocre, mean and shabby we are. W e have been given ' much ' . 1 and therefore our small 'noes' are infinitely more significant than the obj ectively 'big' sins of others . Yet we too are forgiven, everything can be put right, the relationship not only restored but enhanced . An awareness of our sinfulness is part of holiness; you simply cannot have holiness without it for it is the inevitable effect of God's closeness. This is why true sorrow for sin is never morbid, depressed; fo r it carries with it the certainty of forgiveness. The keenest sense of our guilt is thus bound up with the unfailing certainty of pardon; and the deepest contrition excludes all discouragement by renewing childlike trust . We should want compunction like this with all o u r hearts. S cripture assures us that Jesus comes to heal our blind­ ness, and blindness in regard to sin is our chief blind­ ness. To a great extent, perhaps wholly, we choose

1 45

how much we see. We cannot have God unless we are prepared to see ourselves, our lives, our past and present as they are, and half-consciously we know this revel­ ation would be terrible. Therefore we make a choice not to see, or not to see very much . Come and enlighten us, Sun of holiness . Show us our sloth, our pride, our shirking of the demands of life, our evasions. Reveal to us our sinfulness in the light of your mercy, and then we shall be healed and know perfect j oy. Let us ask the Lord to break once for all the chain that keeps us captive in darkness - not total darkness, fo r after all we are children of the day1 - but partial dark­ ness, not the full radiance of his light. This particular aspect of our Lord 's coming to us as a healer of our sinfulness is 'held' for us in a sacrament, a special 'moment ' . As always with a sacrament there is a wedding of the human and the divine. Our part is to take our act of sorrow, paltry and inadequate as it is, to that heart which alone has gauged sin, taken its full weight. Our poor sorrow is taken up into, trans­ formed into, the perfect reparation of Jesu s . ' People of Sion weep n o more. '2 Nothing is wanting to you. Every one of your needs is supplied. ' Comfort, comfort my people. '3 Bring to me in this sacrament not a detailed list of your faults but the whole expanse of your sinfulness which I see but as yet you do not. Let me deal with it. Be prepared to be enlightened at whatever cost; be prepared to take practical steps when light dawns. When we run to our Father's arms in this sacrament we 1 1

Thess. 5 : 5 .

2 Isa.

30:19.

3 Isa.

40: 1 .

take the whole sinful but dearly-loved world with us. We hear the certain assurance: ' I forgive. ' All our wrongs b y him are righted. The Church is built up again, her broken walls restored in full. M any o f us, I think , were we to analyse our attitude to confession , would find our lack of zeal regarding it due to the sheer poverty of the rite. We are aware of the utter paltriness o f our confession and sorro w . But this is j ust the point. The more paltry the better. It is Jesus' atoning love, his sorrow, that are going to matter. And on the other side there is just a human voice speaking the wvrds of absolution. Nothing to strike the senses, nothing whatever! And how appropriate! When Jesus came to deal with sin what was there to see? ' And here is a sign for you: you will find a b aby wrapped in swaddling clothes ' . 1 N o sign at all if you mean a striking verification: but a perfect sign if we mean a sacrament, a manifestation in the flesh, in human terms, of God's perfect self-giving coming to us where we are, as we are, born to all the burdens o f a sinful world.

1 Luke

2 : 1 2.

1 47

As we forgive others -------===���-�€+

Our Lord shows us that we simply cannot be in a position to receive forgiveness unless we recognise our need for it, unless we know we are sinners. And once we know we are sinners we simply cannot refuse to forgive our neighbour. To be unforgiving to my neighbour means in fact that I have no idea of my sinfulness, or at least that I refuse to admit that I am a sinner. Unforgivingness springs from the desire to feel better than another, to have an ascendancy, to have rights . An acceptance of ourselves as sinners in the light of knowing that Jesus is all for sinners, that he is reconcili­ ation, is incompatible with insisting on our rights, wanting power and control over others, wanting to feel better than they are. When we stop to think about it, which of us has ever been ' wronged' in an obj ective sense? What we usually mean when we say we feel wounded and hurt is that someone has not treated us with the thoughtfulness and consideration we think is our due. Someone has not acted as we think right and as we want. In other words, in practice forgiving others usually means nothing more than· allowing others to be different. It is the fact that others are different that j ars and irritates us. We talk about them wronging us, being unfair to us, and all we mean is that they do not conform to our pattern.

You would think it would be easy for us to accept this, but it is not, as our Lord makes clear. It is one of the few specific commands he laid upon us - forgive absolutely, for only in this way are you in the dispo­ sition to receive your Father's forgiveness . 1 And to receive God's forgiveness is to receive God: it is union, the Father drawin g us closer to himself, as in the parable o f the prodigal son. 2 Forgiveness , mercy, self-abasement, are divine con­ cepts. We learn from Jesus that they are of the very essence of God, and when he tells us that we must be perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect it is in direct reference to these precise qualities of God. We must be totally , utterly good to others regardless of how they treat us . 3 Jesus says that our Father will not forgive u s unless we forgive each other from our hearts . It is not that he will not but that he cannot. An unforgiving heart is a heart closed to receiving the rivers of Christ's redemptive love. We should see great significance in our Lord's constant references to the matter of forgiving others . Clearly he felt this was one of the basic obstacles to his Father's love. Looking back at our past perhaps we have to admit with shame that we so metimes retaliated and tried to hurt back, but with the passing of years and the mellowing of age we say we have forgiven and mean it. Yet so often, if we are honest, we surprise ourselves under pressure. We rake up fro m the past incidents we had long buried . . . buried, yes, but not really forgiven. Our Lord knows how hard it is for the self-protective human heart to forgive totally.

1

Matt. 6 : 1 4 -1 5 .

2 Luke 1 5 : 1 1-24.

1 49

3 Matt. 5 :43-8.

For me the most helpful reflection is one which has been borne out as truth over and over again by experi­ ence. We have touched on it once already. It is that what we are asked to forgive is nothing more or less than that other people are 'other' - not me, different from me, with a whole range of different patterns of thinking, reacting. I must offer other people uncon­ ditional forgiveness for their otherness, their 'you-ness' when their 'you-ness' bumps up against and bruises my ' me-ness ' . Perfect 'me-ness' lies not in self-protection but in exposure - in loving, giving, mercy , self­ abasement. It seems to me that if we reflect long and hard on the matter in these terms and determine to act accordingly we have shut the door on the enemy for ever. No one then will wrong us. We shall never have anything to brood over, get angry about, hurt about, and ache to revenge in some petty way . Revenge is a dreadful sin in a follower of Jesus, and yet its malice can be hidden by its pettiness . If we peacefully allow others to be ' other' we shall be doing precisely what Jesus bade us: ' D o not j udge. ' 1 ' D o not j udge' because you simply cannot know the truth about someone else's motives . Only God can know the mysterious depths of the human heart . When we j udge, what we are actually saying is that if I did or said so and so it would be because I was angry , j ealous etc. But we presume to add, they do this there­ fore they are angry, j ealous etc. They mean to hurt me. By making a habit based on Jesus' teaching (but also on common sense and experience) , of reflecting that we

1 Matt.

7: 1 .

simply cannot know another's motives, we are forced into making acts of blind trust in our neighbours , and that is wonderful. I am convinced that this resolution, consistently p rac­ tised , produ ces a pure, constant, tender love for all. What greater blessing could we wish for, and what better way to ensure our openness to Jesus s o that he can use us as channels of his love.

151

Lead

us

not into temptation

---------===E�=--��==----

In the stresses and strains of his mortal life, and in the uncontrolled pressures of brute forces, Jesus learned obedience. He learned, in other words, what it is to be Son and have a Father. ' No matter what the circumstances, no matter what the pressure or bitterness, Jesus loved . And in this he o ffered to his Father the sacrifice of perfect trust, devotion, obedience. He too must have been bewil­ dered at what was happening, tempted to feel blind fate was governing his life and not the merciful, faithful Father he thought he knew. 'Tempted as we are' . 2 Does our Father lead us into temptation? We know how the Old Testament overlooked all secondary causes and saw God as the direct agent of all that happened, good and bad. 'I am God unrivalled . . . the author of peace, the author of calamity'. 3 God hardened Pharoah's heart. 4 He shut the spiritual eyes and ears of people so that they could not see, could not hearken and so turn and be saved. s These are strange words and we are loath to take them literally . We have reacted by giving due weight to secondary causes, thus preserving the freedom of man. 2 Heb. 2: 1 8. 1 Heb. 5 : 7--9. 3 Isa. 45:7 (freely translated) . s Isa. 6: ro.

4

Exod. 7: 3 .

1 52

We see that the evil in the world is largely due to man's wrong choices, to his blindness and mistakes. S o conscious a r e we of natural causes that we are i n danger of losing the vision of faith, obscured as events are by plausible explanations of causality. Yet, with eyes wide open to every other consideration, we must still in faith say that God is in all, behind all, the ultimate cause. It is mystery, but a mystery we have to live with if we would stand in the truth. If we dwell on this we are led to live our lives with the greatest attention. Wake up, s ays Scripture, be on the watch, loins girt, lamps burning, waiting for the Lord, ready to o pen to him when he knocks . 1 This is the Christian attitude flowing fro m profound faith. God is always present, offering himself in one disguise o r another. But we are not always on the watch and therefore we miss him, refuse to recognise him, and see only this inconvenience, that annoying person, and so forth. Unless we have a faith that is continually watchful we do not advert to temptation. We are asleep. The temptation is precisely to sleep, not to recognise when we are being given a choice. The danger lies not so much in our saying a deliberate no to God asking some­ thing of us - if we are unfortunate enough to do this we know it and are sorry. The danger is that we are asleep and do not see what we are being o ffered so do not realise that we are saying no . Lead us not into temptation . . . Keep us awake so that we always recognise you and say yes to you. Do not

1 53

allow us to let the moments, hours , days, slip by with their countless encounters with you unheeded. You will not fail us, help us not to fail you. 0 God, my loving friend and my protector. What can I feel but confidence?

1 54

But deliver us from evil --------==�+++�4�-�-��E++�===----

D o not let evil overwhelm us. Do not let anything fall upon us that is too heavy for us to bear. Deliver us from evil . There is only one evil - human selfishness. The basis of all sin is egocentricity. The whole movement of self­ orientation has to be reversed . God wills it to be reversed because only in this surrender of self-seeking and self-possession can he possess u s , a n d thus become o u r fulfilment and happiness . T o combat evil i n the world, t o correct the b alance in the world, the fi rst thing anyone must do is to attack the evil in himself, to combat his own selfishness . In other words, each of us must learn to love. There is no other answer to the world's distress than this. One of the principle truths of the mys tery of our redemption is that the only real evil is sin: sin being understood as everything in us that is not transformed into God, everything whatsoever that opposes him sin understood as a rej ection of God. All that we experience as evil - sickness , pain, death , calamity, war, violence and the cruel treatment of men, failure, brokenheartedness, mental illness - these we may not call evil in any ultimate sense. Were it not for our redemption they would be evil indeed. For the natural man, for those who have no

1 55

hope, they are evil. Likewise we too actually experience them as evil. The fact that our faith knows their inner meaning is transformed does not immunise us from their terrible effects on mind and body, but it does mean we are never crushed by them. The evil effects of sin have become the path to glory . This is victory indeed! Nothing, nothing whatsoever can separate us from the love of Christ: neither tribulation nor distress, persecution, famine, war, being without food, clothing or shelter . . . in all things we are more than conquerors through him who has granted us his love. 1 0 cross of Christ, your victory is ours . In your strength we lay hold of eternal life!

1 Rom. 8 : 3 5-7 (freely translated). r s6

Amen --------�==��--.

Jesus is the great amen to all the promises of God, 1 to all that the Father has it in his heart to do, that Father who is the primal amen to creation begotten o f his love, the God o f amen. · The Father is the absolute guarantor of our bein g . His loving designs towards us are unchanging, and, states the Epistle to the Hebrews, he longs to convince us, the heirs o f the promise, of his unshakeable will to bring us to our perfect fulfilment in him . 2 The Father entrusts amen t o Jesus . Jesus takes this amen to himself, into his very being . He becomes amen: a total response and affirmation of all the Father wills. Mysteriously significant is his unique habit of prefacing statements with amen. 'Amen , amen I say to you ' , stressing a n authority which derives solely fro m the fact that he receives all from the Father, the supreme Amen. He does not initiate: he waits, listens, receives , obeys. He had no blueprint o f the Father's plans. His listening , his obedience, happened i n the same human context as must ours . The present mo ment - what did it offer, what did it ask? As with us, it was like weaving a tapestry wrong side up with no seeming pattern . Jesus did not ask to see a p attern. He left that to his Father. His simple but all-demanding task was to be there,

1 2 Cor. r :2o.

2

Heb. 5 :9. I

57

amen, the faithful and true witness, the beginning o f G o d ' s creation . 1 God willed to bring many sons to glory, 2 and to be son, to be human in the truest sense, is to be filled with the fullness of God. Jesus was destined to be the Son, the Man, perfect reflection of the Father. He became the beginning, source of a new creation, through his labour of obedience. And, says Paul, we utter our amen through him to the glory o f Go d . 3 Because ofhim we too can become amen to all the promises of God, faithful and true witnesses to the everlasting, unshakable, invincible love of the Father.

1 Rev.

3 : 14.

2 Heb. 2 : 10.

3 2 Cor. 1 :20.

r s8