Jake's Regret

JAKE ’S REGRET …Damian inhaled, he couldn’t help it. He’d always loved the smell of Jake. He couldn’t have explained it under torture, but Jake smelled right. If they’d been wild animals, Damian would have sniffed Jake out as his mate. It was masculine and spicy and just such a turn on. Damian pulled Jake into his arms, deliberately pressing his erection against his leg. “I don’t want ice cream for dessert, I want you.” “Yeah,” Jake whispered, his blue eyes glazing over with lust, “that’s kind of hard to miss.” Damian couldn’t wait any longer to taste Jake’s lips. He covered the other man’s mouth with his. He tasted of coffee and spaghetti and the sweetness that was Jake. Damian threaded his fingers through Jake’s hair and pressed even closer. There was no mistaking Jake’s arousal, too. He slipped his tongue between their lips, searching for the tastiest tongue ever. Jake gasped a little, but allowed the entrance. His arms came up to encircle Damian’s neck. Hard and demanding, he slanted his lips over Damian’s. The microwave chirped to remind Damian what was inside. Oh, yeah. He broke their kiss and indicated the microwave with a flick of his head. “As soon as you’re naked, I’m pouring that fudge all over your bare skin…”

ALSO BY S HAWN LANE At Long Last It’s Only Make-Believe A Knight For All The Other Side Pulling Away Sorcerer’s Lover The Squire

JAKE’S REGRET BY SHAWN LANE

AMBER Q UILL PRESS, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com

JAKE’S REGRET AN AMBER QUILL PRESS BOOK This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental. Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review. Copyright © 2009 by Shawn Lane ISBN 978-1-60272-488-4 Cover Art © 2009 Trace Edward Zaber

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PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

JAKE’S REGRET

CHAPTER 1 There sure were a lot of funerals going on in the cemetery that afternoon. Damian Grant wondered how he would figure out which one was for Jacob Fields. It was the sort of cemetery where big marble headstones and carvings of angels littered the ground. Most of which were now old, cracked and covered in weeds and other growth. An old cemetery, Damian guessed. Maybe dating back a hundred years or so. His hands tightened on the steering wheel of his sedan and for a moment he considered driving away. Before anyone noticed him. Not that he expected to be recognized or 1

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anything. He hadn’t played football for a few years and Jacob Fields’s family wouldn’t know him. Hell, Jacob Fields himself had hated his guts. Turning off the engine, Damian opened the car door and got out, shielding his eyes against the midday glare. Should have brought his sunglasses. He was forever forgetting to take them with him. To his left he spotted a group of mostly old white people, including a short little bitty lady wearing a widow’s veil. Jacob hadn’t been married at the time of his death according to his obit, so it couldn’t be that group. In the middle was a mixed group of white and black folks. Jacob Fields having been a bigot, Damian doubted there’d be any black folks at his funeral other than himself. Finally to his right was the funeral he guessed must be for Jacob. A mix of young and old alike. All white, of course. He squinted, trying to see if he could spot the reason he’d come all this way to this tiny little town in Alabama. But he didn’t. Still, he knew Jacob Fields Junior…Jake would be there for his father. Years ago Jake had given up everything important in his life to please his father…even Damian. Damian began the walk toward the group, his muscles stiff and tight. The long drive made sure his limp showed. The injury to his left knee had ended his football career as a quarterback and even now after numerous surgeries it was never the same. He’d donned a navy suit for the somber occasion. He felt a bit stupid in it. He never felt comfortable in suits, though 2

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sometimes life insisted on them. Damian could just make out a dark haired man taller than most of the other guests. He couldn’t be quite sure, but he thought it must be Jake. Jake, a former wide receiver, was six foot-five and difficult to miss. Just then an older woman wearing a black pantsuit shifted to the left. Straight through the space she had just occupied stood Jake. Damian’s heart twisted. His step faltered and he stopped in the middle of the parking lot. Jake Fields. The one man he had loved in this world more than anyone and the one who’d broken his heart. For several heartbeats, Damian just stared. The man was simply breathtakingly gorgeous. Strong, broad shoulders, big bulging biceps…visible even in his black suit…square, rugged jaw. Even from this far away, Damian could see just a touch of silver at Jake’s temples. He wasn’t that old. Only thirty-eight. But on Jake it looked absurdly sexy. Jake’s gaze was on one of the mourners and Damian could see Jake waving his hands as he spoke. He hadn’t yet noticed Damian. If he turned and hobbled back to his car Jake might not even know he’d been there. Damian snorted derisively. “You may be a lot of things, Damian Grant. But you aren’t a coward,” he spoke out loud to himself. No, he’d come this far. He would see it through. See Jake again. Years ago they’d been teammates and lovers. Jake was Damian’s wide receiver of choice back in the day. It seemed 3

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completely natural as quarterback to seek out Jake’s tall, muscular frame and throw his pass to him. Time and time again they combined to make the touchdowns for their team. Then after the games, they’d have intense wild sex that left both of them breathless. Life and the two of them seemed unstoppable. Damian grimaced at his own fanciful thoughts. He took a couple more stiff steps toward the funeral party. One of the other mourners, the woman who’d previously blocked Jake, noticed his approach. Her frown deepened and she stepped away from the rest to greet him. “I’m sorry, mister,” the woman said, looking to be in her sixties. “But I was told the next funeral wasn’t scheduled for another hour. We’re not quite done here.” Damian nodded. “This is the funeral for Jacob Fields, right?” She stiffened. “Yes.” “I came for that funeral,” he said simply. He tried not to notice her pursed lips. He went to move past her. “Excuse me,” she said, speaking in a sharp tone. “But just who are you?” “I’m a mourner like everyone else, ma’am.” “Well, I am Caroline Fields, Jacob’s sister, and I can assure you that I do not know who you are.” He nodded again and kept moving toward the mourners…toward Jake. He was aware Caroline Fields was blustering behind him, but he paid her no attention. He was only a few feet from Jake now. 4

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Just then, Jake stopped mid-sentence and turned to look at him. The piercing crystal blue eyes blinked rapidly. Damian remembered those damn eyes so well. They were the most gorgeous set of peepers he’d ever seen. And the same long, thick lashes framed them. Jake’s Adam’s apple bobbed, and then he muttered something to the person he’d been talking to and walked toward Damian. “Damian?” He said the name as though asking a question, yet Damian guessed Jake already knew it was him. “Jake, do you know this man?” Caroline Fields asked behind him. Her voice was frosty like the wind in a snowstorm. “Yes, Aunt Caroline. Why don’t you go back to speak to the minister?” The slight Southern accent was still noticeable in Jake’s voice. Back when they’d been together Jake had wanted to get rid of it entirely, but Damian had always found it appealing. Jake kept his gaze focused intently on Damian. He crossed the remaining distance between them. “Hello, Jake,” Damian managed to say. To his surprise, Jake grabbed his hands and drew him farther away from the prying eyes of Aunt Caroline and the other guests. Jake looked back over his broad shoulders, but he did not release his grasp of Damian’s hands. “I can’t believe you’re here,” Jake said. “When did you…how?” “I read the obituary for your father,” Damian explained. “I’m sorry about your dad.” Jake nodded. “Thank you. He’d been ill for a while.” Jake 5

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shrugged, causing the suit coat to stretch across his broad shoulders. “The minister’s about to have the graveside service. Would you—can you stay and come over to the house afterward? I’d really like to talk to you.” “Of course.” Damian followed him over to the group, aware of the stares he received. Some were just curious, others more hostile. He took it in stride. Being a big, former professional football player he was used to stares. The minister started the service and Damian stood nearby, remaining silent and respectful, his eyes downcast, even though he wanted to look at Jake. “Jacob’s son will now say a few words,” the minister said. Damian watched Jake move forward to stand in front of the gathered mourners. “As most of you know my father and I had our differences. Growing up, my mom often played peacemaker between us. It was a dark day indeed for both of us when she passed. But even though we didn’t always see eye to eye on things, my father loved me and I loved him. In these last few years while he’d been ill we got a little closer.” Jake paused. “There were a lot of things left unsaid still. But I think my father was happy he would be joining my mother in rest now. They’ll be reunited in Heaven.” Damian knew very well some of the things Jake had left unsaid with his father. Like the fact that he was gay. Thirtyeight years old and Damian was pretty sure Jake’s father went to his grave thinking he son was straight. After the mourners threw dirt on the coffin, Jake gave him 6

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a slip of paper with his house’s address on it and then he walked off with his Aunt Caroline toward a big dark car. *

*

*

Jake’s house was a rather average ranch-style house in a rather average looking Southern neighborhood. As Damian recalled, Jake had grown up in this town and he rather suspected this was probably the house he’d grown up in. It was painted a faded yellow with white trim and there were swarms of cars parked up and down the narrow street. Probably everyone in town was there. Damian headed up the stone walkway pretty much figuring he would be the lone black man there. The front door was open, leaving only a screen door closed. Within the house he could see several folks from the funeral milling about. The screen door popped open and Jake stood there. “Hi, come in.” Swallowing back his hesitation, Damian entered the house. All conversation seemed to stop. Or was that his imagination? “Um,” Jake said, licking his lips. “Why don’t we go out to the back porch?” Based on the sheepish expression on Jake’s face, Damian decided he hadn’t imagined the sudden silence after all. Man, he was too old for this shit, wasn’t he? He followed Jake to the back door of the house and back outside. There was a slight breeze which cut some of the humidity Alabama had been experiencing. Jake gestured to a two-seater couch swing on the porch 7

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before sitting there himself. Damian took the seat next to him. Their thighs touched; an unwelcome sexual jolt went straight to his cock. The day Jake buried his dad was not a day for hard-ons. Jake ran his large hand through his dark hair. “I can’t believe you’re here.” “Me either.” “How long has it been?” Jake asked. Damian had a feeling Jake knew exactly how long it had been. Jake didn’t miss much. He answered anyway. “Eleven years.” “Where, I mean, do you live nearby?” “Birmingham, actually,” Damian said. “I teach mathematics at Birmingham-Southern.” Jake’s crystal blue eyes widened dramatically. “Really? You’re teaching? Math?” Damian smiled. “Yeah. Well, you know math was my major in college. After the knee gave out, I looked in to teaching.” “Wow. I guess, I don’t know, I thought you’d get into sports media or something. Like a commentator.” He shrugged. “Sure, I had a couple of offers. But it seemed more stable to teach. When the offer came from BirminghamSouthern, Chris and I decided I’d take it since we’d already settled there.” Jake frowned. “Chris?” “My partner.” A twinge of sadness hit his chest thinking of Chris. 8

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“Oh.” Jake glanced away for a few heartbeats. Damian thought maybe he was gathering himself. He remembered whenever Jake wanted to avoid something or think about what he was going to say, he’d avoid eye contact. He turned back to look at Damian, the crystal blue eyes expressionless. “I didn’t know you had a partner.” “Had is actually correct,” Damian said softly. “I’m sorry.” For a moment, Damian couldn’t catch his breath. Hard to believe it still hurt so much. Even sitting next to Jake whom he’d once thought would be the one love of his life. “Yeah, it’s been three years. Driving home one night from work he lost control of the car. He was in a coma for weeks.” Damian sighed, licked his parched lips. “Eventually the doctors told us he was brain dead. His parents and I donated his organs.” “Geez, I’m really sorry, Damian. That’s awful,” Jake whispered. “Yeah, it doesn’t really get any easier. What about you? Anyone special in your life?” Damian asked, even though he guessed he probably knew the answer. Jake’s cheeks reddened, but he didn’t glance away. “No. I…I never did come out.” He couldn’t help but feel sorry for Jake. It had to have been difficult admitting to being gay when your only living parent was such a bigot. Jake’s inability to admit his feelings and his sexual preference eleven years ago were big factors in their breakup. 9

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Sure, Damian knew being a gay football player would be damned hard enough. Truth was, he hadn’t come out as gay until his career was over. He’d lost a few friends, but it hadn’t been the disaster Damian had always feared. It helped immensely that his own family accepted him. Jake hadn’t had that. But even now, Jake still hid the fact he was gay. “Sorry, man. Do you date women then?” “I have in the past. You know, friends try to set you up, thinking they’re going to find that magic spark. I stopped that a while ago.” Jake shook his head. “I’ve had a few out of town discreet hookups, but mostly not. I’ve learned to do without.” “What will you do now with your dad gone? Where are you working?” “I’m the football coach at the local high school,” Jake said. “Yeah? Team any good?” Jake smiled. “They’re pretty good. They have a lot of heart.” The back door slammed open and Jake’s Aunt Caroline charged outside, her hands on her hips. “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing, Jacob Fields Junior?” Jake stood. “Aunt Caroline, keep your voice down.” “I won’t,” she snarled. “You’re out here with…with that— ” “Don’t you dare say that word,” Jake cut her off sharply. “Damian is a guest here and you will not disrespect him.” Caroline Fields was shaking. “How can you allow him in your father’s house on the day of his funeral?” 10

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“This is my house, Aunt Caroline. I had to pay it off for Dad when he took out too many loans,” Jake said, his voice gentling. He took a few steps over to her and put his hand on her arm. “Now, I know you’re upset. We all are. Why don’t you go back inside and see if you can help Aunt Suzy with the food?” “Why don’t you go to the devil?” Caroline screeched. “I won’t allow this! I won’t. Make him leave.” “Jake, I should probably go,” Damian spoke up, standing. “Aunt Caroline, if you cannot behave civilly, you will no longer be welcome here,” Jake said in the same gentle tone. She gasped. “What?” “You heard me well enough.” “How dare you speak to me that way? You’re nothing but a disrespectful brat. If your mama and daddy had taken the switch to you like I told them to, you’d have learned how to treat your elders.” She shot a look of pure hatred in Damian’s direction, and then ran quickly back into the house. The eerie quiet of the house and yard was broken by the sounds of her loud wracking sobs and then a door slamming inside the house. Jake closed his eyes, looking completely miserable. “Hey, Jake, I’m going to take off. I didn’t mean to cause any family squabbles.” Jake turned to him. “You didn’t. It’s not your fault. Are you going all the way back to Birmingham tonight?” “No, I have a room in a hotel in the next town over.” Jake nodded. “Can I come by later to see you?” 11

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Damian didn’t know why, but he felt a tiny spark of hope. For what he wasn’t quite sure. He hadn’t come by here to restart anything with Jake. Or had he? The old pull, the old attraction was definitely there. But would it be enough? He told Jake the address of the hotel and his room number, and then, somewhat like a coward, allowed Jake to let him out the side gate so as not to leave through the house full of guests. Damian had suggested it himself and Jake, though reluctant, had agreed. As he drove away toward his hotel, Damian couldn’t help but wonder if Jake would actually come see him.

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CHAPTER 2 He probably shouldn’t be here standing in the hall in front of Damian’s room. He should be looking after his Aunt Caroline. True, the woman was a shameless bigot, but Caroline was his father’s only sister and she’d never married. Jake being an only child, he was really Aunt Caroline’s only family. His mother’s sister, Suzy, had taken over care for Caroline after her breakdown because of Damian’s presence. Jake was grateful for Suzy’s no-nonsense take charge attitude. Number 812. Jake’s hand rose to knock, but stopped just before it touched the wood door. His gut twisted with pain and 13

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disappointment and even happiness. He’d been thrilled to see Damian, in any circumstances. But knowing Damian had moved on from him and found love with someone else had shredded what was left of his shrunken heart. Damian deserved to have loved someone. Jake didn’t begrudge him that. It had been Jake who’d cast Damian aside. He rested his fist against the door, willing himself to stop being a coward and make a damn decision. The door opened so suddenly Jake’s heart leapt into his throat. “Oh, hey,” Damian said. His dark eyes were unreadable. “Hi, um, am I interrupting anything?” “No.” Damian moved away from the doorway. “I thought I heard a noise. Come in.” Jake stepped across the threshold and into the sterile, nondescript hotel room. It was actually the kind that included a small kitchenette. Damian had a coffee pot filled with the dark liquid. “Think I could have some?” Jake gestured to it. “Sure.” Damian closed the door and threw the bolt across it. Then he grinned sort of sheepishly. “Sorry, I’m sort of used to locking doors to keep out riff-raff.” He dug into a cabinet in the kitchenette and took out two plain white mugs. “I stopped at the little hotel store for half-and-half, but there’s powdered creamer if you’d rather have that.” For a moment, Jake just stared. Eleven years was a long time to go without seeing the man you loved. A lot had changed in those years, clearly, but Damian was still great to 14

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look at. He’d changed into jeans from the suit he’d worn earlier. Damian was just an inch shorter than Jake, but more muscular, especially in his arms. He had strong, bulging muscles there. Like a good passer should have, of course. Damian still kept his black hair cropped close to his head and he now wore a small gold hoop in his right ear. “No, half-and-half is good.” Jake felt foolish. They used to be so close, so inseparable, and now they were reduced to mundane small talk. Pathetic. The thing of it was, it was all Jake’s fault. He had never stood up for himself even as a kid. But as he got older he was so big no one ever bothered him. Except his father. Why had he always let the old bastard get to him? Just to have something to do, Jake walked over to the sliding glass door leading to the room’s balcony. Damian had left it open and a soft breeze rattled the blinds. He glanced over to see Damian still fussing over the coffee, so he stepped out onto the balcony. Darkness enshrouded the hotel courtyard with just a few garden floodlights in the distance. No one else appeared to be enjoying the breezy evening. It was quiet. Well, except for the chirp of crickets. If Jake hadn’t always been attuned to Damian he might not have even realized the other man had stepped out onto the balcony. Damian moved with an athlete’s quiet grace, so strange for a large man. Damian had always been graceful. Jake used to joke that he’d make the perfect cat burglar because he moved so silently. Damian came to stand directly behind Jake. Frissons of 15

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awareness soared through him. Somehow, he leaned back a little. The pad of Damian’s thumb brushed along the cords of his neck, stroking in little circles to the pulse at his throat. Jake’s breath caught, the caress sent intense jolts straight to his already hardening cock. Jake gripped the railing, leaning back farther into Damian, his eyes closed. A whisper of lips heated his skin. A sudden shriek of laughter in the distance brought Jake up short. He straightened away from Damian, taking several steps to provide a good amount of space between them. “I—” “I’m sorry,” Damian said, his tone cool. “I lost my head. Come inside. Your coffee is ready.” He turned away from Jake and walked back into the hotel room. Jake felt like a world-class jerk. Someone laughs nearby and you’re ready to make a break for it. Smooth. Jake followed him into the room and shut the sliding door. He picked up the coffee mug sitting on the nearby table and took a sip. He struggled for something to say. Something to break the awkwardness surrounding them. “What did Chris look like?” Damian smiled. “I have a picture. I’ll show you.” He reached to the back pocket of his jeans for his wallet. Jake swallowed the lump in his throat. God, why had he asked that question? Did he really want to see a picture of some guy Damian had loved that wasn’t him? Sure, he probably deserved the self-torture. Damian slipped a photograph out of a slot in his wallet. 16

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“This is us when we went on a cruise a few years back.” He handed it to Jake. The fingers grasping the photo felt like blocks of ice, sort of like the block forming over the organ beating in his chest. He forced himself to look at the photo. It was one of those tourist photographs the cruise ships sold. The kind where they take a picture of your party as you board the ship. Both men were dressed casually in jeans and T-shirts. Chris, like Jake, had been white. Jake knew Damian had a preference for white guys because that was how they’d hooked up in the first place. Damian had told him so when they met in a bar. Chris was a grinning blond man with dimples, no less, and Damian had his arms wrapped securely around him, also smiling. They looked incredibly happy to be there, to be together. Sadness and overwhelming jealousy threatened to gag him. Jake fought it off with practiced effort. He smiled, or at least he hoped he’d managed to smile, and handed the photo back. “You two looked great together. He was very handsome.” Damian stared at it a moment, his lips curved slightly, before putting it back in his wallet. “Yeah, that was a great trip. We had a blast that time.” “You’re…very lucky to have found that with someone. He was lucky to have you as well. I’m really sorry about your loss.” Damian nodded. “Thanks. I’m sorry for the loss of your dad, too.” 17

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“He was an old bastard, but he was the only dad I had,” Jake said softly. “Still, I wasted a lot of years trying to make him happy.” Damian sat at the little table near the kitchenette and sipped his coffee. Jake sat across from him. “And did you ever happen to make him happy?” Jake leaned his chin on his hand. “You know, that’s a good question. I think when I played pro he was fairly happy. Happy for him, I guess. He still always asked me when I was going to make more money.” “Yeah, I remember.” “After I broke my leg though and decided to retire, no, I don’t think I ever made him happy again.” Jake shrugged. “I sure as hell didn’t make myself happy.” “Hey, I was just going to make myself some dinner,” Damian said. “Are you hungry?” “Dinner?” Jake chuckled, glad for the change of topic. “You’re going to attempt to cook in that tiny kitchen?” “I sure am. Nothing fancy, just some spaghetti with meat sauce.” “Considering all the food folks brought over today I shouldn’t be hungry, but I didn’t really eat much. So, sure, yeah, I’ll have some.” Damian smiled and got up to walk into the kitchenette. Jake followed him. “Remember the first dinner you made me?” “I do. You ate it all.” Damian laughed and started browning hamburger he’d taken out of the miniscule hotel 18

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fridge. “I made stroganoff and I put it in a bowl in front of you and went to get us some drinks and when I came back you’d taken the whole amount of what I made and put it on your plate.” Jake’s cheeks heated at the memory, but he laughed anyway. “Yeah, what a dumb kid I was. You had to call out for a pizza. Sorry.” Damian’s dark eyes sparkled with mirth. “At least I knew you liked my cooking. I knew after that to make a double batch of everything.” “Well, don’t do that anymore,” Jake said, patting his stomach. “Now that I’m no longer playing, I have to watch it.” “You’re not active as the coach? You look like you’re in damn fine shape to me.” Damian’s gaze raked over him, hot and needy. “Nah, I coach from the sidelines.” Warmth at Damian’s obvious desire heated him even more. His cock swelled. “I, uh, lift a little weights and do the treadmill, but nothing like when I played.” Damian nodded. “I know what you mean. I have a small gym in my home in Birmingham, but it’s not like the team facilities.” “You look incredible,” Jake blurted out. He probably should be embarrassed by his admission, but he wasn’t. Damian was a fine looking man and Jake had always thought so. It wasn’t as though Damian didn’t know. “Thanks, but you’ve always been the pretty one,” Damian said, giving him a wink. 19

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Jake scowled. “I am not pretty.” “If you say so.” He rolled his eyes and took out his cell phone. “Do you mind if I call to check on my aunt?” “No, go ahead.” Jake tapped the number and sat on the edge of the kingsized bed. “Hello?” “Hi, Aunt Suzy, it’s me. How’s she doing?” “She’s fine. I gave her a stiff drink to loosen her up.” “You what? Really?” “Yes, really. She’s much happier for it, believe me. Stop worrying, Jacob. You take care of yourself and your needs.” Jake swallowed and stole a glance at Damian whose back was turned. He lowered his voice, “Listen, can you stay there with her tonight?” “I’d already planned to.” “Good. Because, well, I may not make it home tonight, ifif that’s all right.” “It’s completely all right. I suspected you might not.” “You-you did?” “Yes, Jacob. Everything’s fine here and there isn’t anything you can do except get in the way and stir things up.” There was a long pause. Then, his Aunt Suzy said, “Are you with Damian Grant?” “Um.” “Sweetie, you know I know, right?” He felt the blood drain out of his face. “You know what?” 20

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She sighed. “Jacob, I know you’re gay.” “How?” he whispered. “Well, if you must know, your mama suspected it when she was alive. She talked about it with me and wondered if she ought to just come out and ask.” He closed his eyes, his stomach twisting. “She never did.” “I know. Probably afraid of your father finding out. Anyway, Jacob, I just wanted you to know that you don’t have to pretend with me. Take all the time you need. Okay?” “Okay.” Jake ran his fingers through his hair and wondered who else might have guessed the truth over the years. He’d always thought he was so good at hiding it. Funny thing was, his aunt didn’t seem to care or hate him for it. “Thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He shoved the phone into his back pocket and approached the kitchen. “Need any help?” “Nah, I think I can manage spaghetti. It’s about ready though, so sit down,” Damian said. *

*

*

“That was surprisingly good,” Jake announced after mopping up the last of his second helping. Damian raised an eyebrow at him. “Why surprising? You always enjoyed my cooking.” The other man shrugged. “I mean for such a simple meal, I guess.” “Hmm. You certainly haven’t lost your appetite.” “Are you calling me a hog?” Jake leaned back in his chair. 21

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“Not exactly, but you’ve always enjoyed a lot of food.” He grinned and rose to clear the table. Jake patted his stomach and sighed. Damian opened the fridge and removed the jar of fudge he’d bought at the little store near the hotel. “What’s that?” “I got ice cream and hot fudge for dessert.” “How the heck did you fit all that in there?” “It wasn’t easy,” Damian admitted. “Wow, you really went all out with the food.” He nodded. “I didn’t know how long I’d be here, so I wanted to be prepared. I took a few days off from teaching as well.” Jake stood. “Yeah? That’s cool. I have some days off, too.” He came to stand by the kitchen and suddenly, with his large muscular frame there, the kitchenette seemed even smaller. Damian inhaled, he couldn’t help it. He’d always loved the smell of Jake. He couldn’t have explained it under torture, but Jake smelled right. If they’d been wild animals, Damian would have sniffed Jake out as his mate. It was masculine and spicy and just such a turn on. Before he arrived at the funeral, Damian hadn’t been sure the intense attraction he had for Jake would still be so potent. The moment Jake had stepped near him at the graveside, he’d recognized the man’s scent. It rocked him. He wanted Jake all over again. So bad he ached. His cock ached right now. Damian spooned some fudge into a bowl for the 22

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microwave, no longer remotely interested in pouring it over ice cream. He set the timer for a few seconds and turned to face Jake. “We’ve always been direct with each other, right?” Jake nodded. “I think so. Why?” The microwave beeped that it had finished. Damian smiled. “I don’t want ice cream for dessert, I want you.” Jake stared, blinked, and then his cheeks turned a light shade of pink. “I-um, you do?” It had always amazed Damian how shy Jake actually was. He’d never realized just how damn appealing he was to others. He figured out Jake was a product of his dickhead father. Jake had no clue how charming and gorgeous and wanted he really was. Damian pulled Jake into his arms, deliberately pressing his erection against his leg. “It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?” “Yeah,” Jake whispered, his blue eyes glazing over with lust, “that’s kind of hard to miss.” Damian couldn’t wait any longer to taste Jake’s lips. He covered the other man’s mouth with his. He tasted of coffee and spaghetti and the sweetness that was Jake. Damian threaded his fingers through Jake’s hair and pressed even closer. There was no mistaking Jake’s arousal, too. He slipped his tongue between their lips, searching for the tastiest tongue ever. Jake gasped a little, but allowed the entrance. His arms came up to encircle Damian’s neck. Hard and demanding, he 23

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slanted his lips over Damian’s. The microwave chirped to remind Damian what was inside. Oh, yeah. He broke their kiss and indicated the microwave with a flick of his head. “As soon as you’re naked, I’m pouring that fudge all over your bare skin.”

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CHAPTER 3 Jake, lying on his back and naked on the bed, leaned on his elbows and watched apprehensively as Damian stirred the hot fudge in the bowl. Damian, too, had removed his clothes and admittedly his finely toned ebony body was quite the distraction. As was his large erect cock. “Um, are you sure that’s not going to burn?” Jake asked, biting his lip. It sounded intriguing enough. Still, he didn’t relish a lot of pain. “Relax, it’s fine,” Damian assured him with a wicked grin. Jake swallowed and decided to spend a moment admiring the other man’s incredible body. Hell, he looked just as good as he did back when they played football together. His mouth 25

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watered looking at his six-pack abs. Damian knelt on the bed next to him, bowl in hand. “Won’t it be sticky?” “Probably.” “It’ll get all over the sheets.” Damian’s eyebrow rose. “Yes, princess, it will. The hotel will change the sheets.” “Funny,” Jake muttered, his skin turning a telltale pink. He hated that. Thirty-eight and he still blushed like a virgin. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask Damian when he’d developed this particular kink, but decided he would rather have his eyes gouged out than have to hear how he’d done this with Chris all the time. Damian dipped the spoon in the fudge and then held it aloft over Jake’s quivering stomach. The warmth of the fudge caused goose bumps on his bare flesh. The other man drizzled it across his stomach like he was decorating a dessert and then poured it higher toward Jake’s chest. “Hmm, where else?” Damian asked, tapping his chin with a finger. His dark eyes gleamed with mischief. “Why don’t you lick this stuff first and then decide?” “I guess I could do that.” Damian set the bowl on a nearby nightstand. He scooped up fudge with the index and middle fingers of his right hand. “But I think first, I’m going to suck this off your cock.” “Fuck,” Jake whispered, feeling lightheaded. “Eventually that, too.” Damian grinned. He reached for Jake’s erection. “Too bad we can’t use this for lube. Too 26

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sticky for that.” Jake froze, biting his lip. “I didn’t bring any lube.” Damian chuckled. “I did. Now, lie back and close your eyes.” Jake did as he was told and relaxed against the pillows. Damian had brought lube? Which probably meant he had rubbers, too. Jake guessed Damian knew he’d get him into bed. It had always been pretty damn easy, really. Just a crook of Damian’s finger and he’d be on his knees begging for it. He wanted to watch Damian smearing the fudge on his cock and he was tempted to sneak a peek. Damian’s finger swirled around the tip, smoothing warm liquid there before slipping down to coat the shaft. Jake rose a little and opened his eyes to watch. Damian looked up at the same time and smacked his thigh with a loud stinging slap. “Didn’t I tell you to close your eyes?” Jake groaned and rested his head on the pillow once more with his eyes closed. His whole body shook with intense anticipation. “Damian, please.” “Ah, yeah, you know I like to hear you beg.” Damian’s hot, moist mouth closed around the tip, his tongue lapping at the fudge. “Ah, geez, Damian,” Jake gasped, his hips rising, trying to push more of himself in Damian’s mouth. He hadn’t had his cock sucked in over two years and even then it had been a hurried thing, done in a bathroom of an anonymous gay bar. 27

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Damian drew Jake in farther, past the tip, all the while his tongue covered where he’d smeared the chocolate. Electric jolts coursed through his cock, all nerve endings concentrating on that one spot. He grabbed the other pillow on the bed and buried his face in it. If Damian kept this up he’d be coming in no time. Jake inhaled sharply when his lover drew his balls into his mouth, sucking gently. “Oh, God, Damian, please.” Damian released his balls with a popping sound. “Please what, Jake?” “Let me come.” “No way. Not yet.” Damian got off the bed. Jake opened his eyes and watched Damian go into the bathroom. “You’d better have your eyes closed,” Damian called. “Or what?” Jake asked, feeling a bit defiant. “I’ll beat your ass.” Jake clenched his eyes closed, quivering at the suggestion. Only with Damian had he ever let himself give up so much control. No one else would ever do. Not like this. He heard Damian return and then felt his weight on the bed again. He waited, unsure what Damian would do next. Damian’s lips were suddenly next to his ear. “Do you know how damn hot you are?” he whispered in Jake’s ear. “No one is as hot as you. You know that, don’t you, sweetheart?” His lover’s lips moved to the cord of his neck, sucking there, nibbling. Jake thought maybe he should remind Damian 28

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not to mark him, but when he opened his mouth to speak the words caught in his throat. Damian’s thumb stroked across his nipple. Damian spoke into his ear again, “You should see how beautiful you look with fudge all over your skin. Better than ice cream. I’m going to eat every last drop of it from your bare flesh. Then, I’m going to suck your cock again and take you just to the point where you beg me to come.” “Bastard,” Jake whispered, hoarsely. Damian’s laugh was low, sexy. Jake moaned and shook with powerful need. “Then I’m going to slip my long fingers into your ass all slicked up to spread you wide. Maybe I’ll find your prostate, or maybe I won’t. When I’m done fucking you with my fingers, you’ll beg me to fuck you with my cock. Won’t you?” “Y-Yes.” “Good boy.” Damian bit down on Jake’s earlobe. “Bastard,” Jake moaned again, feeling his skin flush. Damian’s breath was hot against his ear. A tongue flicked inside. “Ah, Jesus.” He reached out to smooth his hand over Damian’s shoulder. “Hands above your head, sweetheart,” Damian ordered. “No way,” Jake said with a frown. “I want to touch you.” “You will later. For now you are to do as you are told. Don’t make me restrain you.” Jake bit his lip, frustrated, but he placed his arms above his head. Damian’s mouth trailed from his ear to graze over his jaw, 29

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open-mouthed wet kisses planted there, before his lips moved on to Jake’s throat. He hovered over Jake’s Adam’s apple, kissing, then sucking there. Tremors wracked Jake’s body. “You like that, don’t you, sweetheart?” Damian asked against Jake’s lips. He covered Jake’s lips with his, his tongue shoving in, conquering Jake’s mouth. Damian tangled his fingers in Jake’s hair, pressing their lips together, hard and greedy. Jake could barely catch a breath from the assault, not that he would complain. Eleven years was a long time. He wanted to spend another eleven years re-learning Damian’s lips. Damian broke the kiss and trailed his lips down to Jake’s chest, lapping at the now dried fudge. He’d swirled a bit over Jake’s nipples, drawing one and then the other in his mouth, sucking the chocolate into his mouth. “Fuck, keep that up, Dam, and I’m gonna to come,” Jake gasped, his balls tightening. Damian continued suckling his nipples, but his hand inched down to Jake’s cock, wrapping around the length. He jerked up and down the shaft, pumping Jake. “You— Oh, God,” Jake yelled, his eyes opened wide and his orgasm burst forth, cum shooting all over his stomach and Damian’s hand. Damian released Jake’s nipple and rose up to look at him. He grinned. “There, now, I’ve let you come once, can I continue?” His throat clogged thick, Jake could only nod. Already beads of sweat covered his forehead. He didn’t know how 30

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much more he could take, but he sure as hell didn’t want Damian to stop. Damian winked and started dragging his warm, wet tongue across Jake’s chest, wherever he had dribbled the chocolate. “Can I touch you yet?” Jake wondered. “Hmm, not quite. Soon,” Damian promised, his breath stirring tiny hairs on Jake’s stomach. Damian’s hands crept down to knead the sensitive flesh of Jake’s thighs. Jake parted them, closing his eyes. Already his cock was filling again. Damian scooted lower, placing an almost chaste kiss on the crown of Jake’s erection. “Damian,” he groaned, lifting his ass. “Please, I want you inside me.” “I want that, too. But I’ve waited eleven years for this, Jake Fields, and you aren’t going to rush me.” His lover’s tone was stern, almost harsh, and it was a big turn-on. Damian’s lips scorched across his thigh. His hands framed Jake’s ass, tilting him up just a bit. The man’s hot tongue flicked around the rim of his entrance. “Fuck.” Jake grabbed up the pillow again and crushed his face into it. He was being tortured. Only Damian had ever rimmed him. He couldn’t imagine letting anyone else have such intimacies with him. Damian’s tongue jabbed in, and his hands tightened on Jake’s ass cheeks, pulling him closer to his probing. He added a finger next to his tongue, stretching Jake’s opening just a little. “Good?” Damian paused to ask. “I’m going crazy,” Jake rasped out, tossing the pillow 31

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away. “I want you inside me, Damian. Please.” “I love it when you beg me.” Damian sucked on another finger and added it. They pushed past the tight ring of muscle, searching, entering deeper still. “You’re so fucking sexy.” Damian slipped his tongue in again, adding it once more to moisten his opening. Jake was fully hard again, aching to be touched everywhere. His lover sat up and reached for the foil package he’d set on the bed. “Please, let me put it on you,” Jake whispered. Damian’s dark eyes glowed, hot powerful lust in his gaze. He lunged at Jake, his lips pressing to Jake’s hard and bruising. Damian slipped the condom packet into Jake’s outstretched hand. Their tongues dueled, their mouths mashed so roughly together their teeth grazed, but Jake wanted more. Needing to touch Damian, he turned the aggressor suddenly, flipping Damian until he was on his back and Jake was positioned over him. Growling low, he reluctantly broke the contact of their lips to latch onto the pulse at Damian’s throat. His hands searched the other man’s naked body everywhere, touching, relearning the feel of him, the slick muscles. Damian gasped, his fingers laced through Jake’s hair, trying to tug him back, but Jake wouldn’t let him. He devoured Damian’s skin, biting and licking all down his chest and stomach, aiming straight for Damian’s thick, heavy cock. His tongue tasted the tangy bit of pre-cum leaking from the bulbous head. He tore open the packet with his teeth. 32

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“You want this on you?” he rasped. “Yes, now, damn you,” Damian pleaded, reduced to begging himself now. Jake knew his smile was triumphant. He rolled the latex over Damian’s erection and reached for the bottle of lube. He sloshed it out all over his hand and coated Damian’s cock. Straddling Damian’s legs, Jake thought briefly of lubing his ass before plunging down, but he didn’t want to take the time. Between his lover’s earlier prep and the generous amount of lube he’d coated over Damian’s dick, it would have to be enough. He slammed down fast and furious, balls-deep with barely a pause to adjust to the invasion. “Ah.” Damian tensed under him. “You okay?” “Perfect,” Jake assured him. It burned, but oddly it was a welcome burn, a welcome joining. A slow, gentle fuck was out of the question now. Maybe there’d be time for that later. Now, he needed this, wanted this. “Fuck me hard.” “Jake—” Throwing his head back, Jake thrust up and down, fucking himself on Damian’s cock. After just a second more of hesitation, Damian gripped Jake’s hips, plunging up and in to him, deep and scorching hot. He tilted Jake, hitting his prostate. “God, you’re good at that.” Damian’s laugh turned to a groan. “You feel fucking awesome. You’re so damn tight.” Emotion from the day, from the last few days, from the 33

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years…crashed in on him. He teetered on the brink of his orgasm, furiously pumping Damian’s cock. “Geez, I love you.” Liquid, nearly clear, shot out from his cock covering Damian’s contracting stomach. “Christ,” Damian cried, tensing and roaring his release. It seemed, at least to Jake, that he came inside him for twenty minutes. Finally Damian lifted him off with surprising strength—Jake was sapped—and laid him gently on the bed beside him. “Wow,” Jake panted. He hadn’t had such intense, passionate sex since…well, the last time he’d been with Damian. Which he’d thought would be the last time. And now, well, he didn’t know what to think. Was this just a one-night stand or something more? What did he want? Other than to sleep. He yawned, exhaustion seeping into his very bones. Damian reached for him, pulled him tight against him, kissing his cheek and then his lips softly. The kiss was so tender Jake’s throat clogged. He swallowed and returned the kiss. “You’re staying the night, right?” Damian whispered. “I couldn’t move even if I wanted to. Yes, I’m staying.” He snuggled up next to Damian, who reached down to get the sheets and blankets to cover them. Jake smiled and closed his eyes. Just as he was about to lose consciousness he thought he heard Damian say, “I love you, too.”

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CHAPTER 4 Damian stirred, his eyes opening slowly, reluctantly. A heavy arm draped across his waist. For just a moment his sleepy brain couldn’t register where he was and why someone slept in his bed with him. Frowning, he stared at the man beside him. Jake. How the hell could he forget that? A grin tugged at his lips. A dark lock of hair draped across Jake’s forehead. He looked a little like a young boy, except the few strands of silver gave away his true age. Last night had been amazing in so many ways. The most amazing, of course, being that Jake had said he loved him. 35

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Damian knew some men just said that when they were coming, but not Jake. Getting such a declaration out of the man had never been easy. It filled Damian with a tiny spark of hope. Oh, he knew they were still far away from the happilyever-after scenario, but there was a possibility it might become real this time. He reached out to gently stroke Jake’s cheek, careful not to wake him yet. He loved watching the other man sleep. Damian knew it was something of a cliché, but Jake really did steal his breath when Damian looked at him. He loved him so much. Even now. He would never take away the love he shared with Chris, it was true. They had loved and been happy. But his love for Jake had more intensity and had never gone away even after the breakup. If Damian believed in soul mates, he would guess Jake was his. From the beginning he knew they were just meant to be. Nothing had changed his way of thinking either. Unfortunately, Jake had a way of letting others dictate his life, his thoughts even. When it came down to choosing between the man he loved and his father, Jake had chosen his father. Nothing had ever hurt so much. Jake’s eyelids fluttered. “Shhh,” Damian whispered, leaning over slightly to kiss Jake’s cheek. Jake peered at him from under his long lashes. “Dam?” “Yes, it’s me. Listen, I’m going to take a quick shower and then get us some breakfast. You stay in bed, okay, sweetheart?” 36

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Jake nodded, his eyes closing again. Damian’s heart squeezed. There had to be a chance for them this time. He gently moved Jake’s arm and got out of bed. The digital clock read eight-thirty already. He rearranged the covers around his lover. Damian decided to fetch the newspaper from outside the room before going in to take his shower. He slid the security bolt across the door, opened it and reached for the paper. He scanned the headlines as he pushed the door closed. Nothing earth-shattering. He opened to the sports page, read a couple paragraphs, and then set it down on the table. Entering the bathroom, Damian turned on the hotel shower and grimaced when he noticed right away the water pressure left a lot to be desired. He couldn’t wait to get back to his house in Birmingham. Not that he was in any hurry to leave Jake. In fact, he hoped to God he wouldn’t be leaving Jake at all. He stepped into the shower and soaped up. Lately, well since losing Chris, he often spent his shower time masturbating. He didn’t want to do that now. He had Jake to spend the day loving. He rinsed off quickly and reached for the bath towel. “Oh!” A woman yelled from outside the bathroom. His heart racing, Damian wrapped the towel around his waist and burst through the door. A short middle-aged maid had entered the hotel room. She stood just inside staring in surprise at the bed. Damian followed her gaze. 37

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Jake had awakened when the woman cried out and he now sat up in the bed, blinking in confusion. Streaks of chocolate sauce slashed across his chest. “Margery?” Jake said. The maid, Margery, Damian guessed, turned her shocked gaze to Damian now. Her jaw slacked open. Her eyes bugged out rather comically at his barely clothed state. Then she quickly looked back at Jake. Her face turned a bright shade of red. “I…I thought no one was in the room right now and I’d come to clean it,” Margery stated. She backed up toward the door. “S-sorry, sir. Um, J-Jake.” Her hand grasped the doorknob and she stumbled in her haste to exit the room. “So sorry.” When she’d closed the door behind her, Damian turned to Jake. His lover had gone very pale. “Jake? Are you okay?” Jake shook his head, but didn’t answer. He brushed his hand across his face and then jumped out of bed. “I can’t believe this.” “Believe what?” Jake shook his head again. “Do you know who that was?” “Uh, no. Should I?” “That was Margery Dunson. She lives in my hometown. She lives right down the street from my house.” Jake’s voice had risen with each word. He bent down and yanked his clothes from the floor. “I can’t fucking believe this.” “Jake, calm down,” Damian said, going toward him. Jake put out his hands to stop him. “Don’t. Just don’t.” 38

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Damian’s heart thundered in his chest. What? “God, this is my worst nightmare.” “I don’t understand.” Jake barked a sharp laugh. “Are you kidding me? She’s going to tell everyone what she just saw.” Damian blew out a breath and nodded. “Okay. She might, but so what? Would that be so terrible, Jake?” “Of course it would. How can you even ask me that?” Jake walked past him and into the bathroom. “Fuck. Look at this stuff all over me. She’s going to blab everything.” He struggled to hold on to his patience. He didn’t want to overreact. Jake had just had a shock. After all, Jake was still firmly in the closet, so this was probably a big deal to him. It was going to have to happen sooner or later in order for them to have a life together. But probably it should have come out differently. Damian got that. “Listen, you take your shower. You’ll probably feel a little better after that. I’m going down to get us some breakfast and then we can talk.” Jake stared at him, looked at him like Damian was a total stranger. Like he’d just been a one-night stand he picked up in a bar. It cut deep and vicious. It was Jake’s dismissal look. He’d seen it before. Eleven years ago. Damian took a step toward him, reaching out to touch. He wasn’t going to give in so easily this time. Wasn’t going to let Jake just stomp him under his feet like he was nothing. “I said…don’t, Damian,” Jake said, his voice low and distant. He turned his back on Damian and turned on the 39

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shower. Damian clenched his fist. Okay, he’d give Jake a moment. When he returned from getting their breakfast he would make Jake talk with him and deal with this. “I’ll be right back,” Damian said. He quickly pulled on a pair of khaki pants and a blue polo shirt and then snatched up the room key and headed down to the hotel lobby. He knew they had a small café. He ordered two breakfasts of eggs, bacon, and potatoes to go and then waited for the café to prepare them. His gust twisted with apprehension. He did not look forward to having it out with Jake. “Hey, are you Damian Grant? The quarterback?” Damian turned to see two guys probably around his age with two little boys. “Hello. Yes, I am.” He smiled pleasantly. It had been a while since anyone had recognized him. “Wow, man you were awesome,” one of them said. “Can we get your autograph?” “Sure.” Damian thought perhaps it had been too long since someone told him he’d been awesome. His constant knee problems had cut his career short a few years ago now, but in reality Damian missed it. Missed the fans, the camaraderie of his team. He spent a few minutes signing and chatting with them and then grabbed and paid for the breakfasts. It seemed to take an eternity for the elevator to get up to the ninth floor where his room was located. Before he’d been apprehensive about talking to Jake, but Damian now found himself anxious to see 40

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him. To appease him and tell him everything would be all right. If the truth came out about Jake it was likely for the best anyway. By the time he reached the room door his hand shook. He had to try twice to get his keycard in the lock. “Jake?” He entered the room, kicked the door closed and set the Styrofoam containers on a nearby table. The room was silent. He couldn’t still be taking his shower. He went to the bathroom, the door was open and the room empty. A damp towel hung next to his on the shower door. Damian’s heart leapt to his throat. He made himself walk to the sliding glass door to check the balcony. After all, Jake had gone out there last night. He brushed aside the blinds. No one stood outside. He clenched his eyes shut, trying to block out the miserable thoughts creeping in. Please, no. Damian turned from the slider and saw the sheet of paper sitting on the kitchenette counter. It took all the strength he possessed not to collapse on the floor in a fetal position. “Damn,” he spoke out loud. He forced his feet to carry him to the note he knew Jake had put there. He snatched it up between his thumb and index finger and read it. I just can’t. I’m sorry. That was all Jake had written in his sharp, neat cursive. Hadn’t even written Damian’s name down. Like he could have been scrawling the note to anyone. Damian crushed the offending paper in his hand until he had wadded it into a tiny mangled ball. 41

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“He fucking did it again,” Damian yelled into the empty, cold hotel room. Once more he’d allowed Jake to break his heart. The tiny spark of hope he’d felt only that morning upon waking next to Jake dimmed and then blinked out entirely.

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CHAPTER 5 Jake removed the stick-on yellow note stuck in his mailbox in the office of Jefferson High. The principal of the school wanted to see him right away. This could not be good. For the last couple of days since returning from his disastrous night spent with Damian, he’d been hiding out in his house afraid to even go to the grocery store for fear people who’d known him most of his life would be pointing at him. He folded the note and stuck it into his pants pocket. The principal’s office was down the long hallway. Unfortunately, Jake remembered it well from his own high school days. He tapped on the closed door. 43

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“Come in.” Jake bit his lip and hesitated. Damn, maybe he should have called in today. He’d already been off for five days, but God, he didn’t know if he was ready to face this. “Come in,” the principal’s voice yelled. Jake opened the door and stepped inside. “You, ah, asked to see me.” “Yes, thanks. Come in, Jake, and sit down.” The principal, Henry Mason, was all of about five-nine, balding, and wore glasses. Yet, Jake’s stomach twisted in knots. Swallowing heavily, Jake sat in the chair in front of Mason’s desk. He was far too big for the chair and Jake wondered even as he lowered himself into it if it would break. Stupid thing to think about with what was at stake. Mason cleared his throat. “Well, Jake, let me first start out by saying I’m sorry about the death of your father.” “Thank you.” Mason shuffled some papers on his desk. “Listen, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just get to the point. We’ve, well, I’ve been getting all kinds of phone calls from parents.” “Parents?” “Yes. Of the players. Jake, it’s all over town that you were…um.” Henry Mason turned a dark dull shade of red. “Margery Dunson pretty much blabbed to everyone who would listen that she saw you in a hotel room just outside town with that former teammate of yours.” “Damian Grant,” Jake said softly. 44

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Mason cleared his throat again. “Yes. On the night of your father’s funeral, no less. Everyone’s talking about it. The thing of it is, Jake, this town is made up of good Christians and well—” “Well what?” Jake asked, his voice sounding sharp to his ears. But he was getting tired of the principal dancing around whatever he wanted to say. “The parents have been asking that you be fired,” Mason said. “They’re saying they don’t want a pervert around their boys.” “A pervert? You’ve gotta be kidding me. I’m not a pervert.” Mason licked his lips. “They don’t see it that way. Jake, this puts the school in a very awkward position.” “These people have known me all their lives. I went to high school myself with these parents,” Jake protested. He felt betrayed and sick and also pretty damn angry. “If you had kept it a secret that would have been one thing, but now that it’s out, you can see the problem.” “If I had kept it a secret.” “Yes.” Mason actually smiled like he was glad Jake understood. “I’m fairly certain you’d rather not have a firing on your record. My suggestion is that you hand over your resignation.” Jake didn’t think he could have felt worse than at that moment. Not entirely true. The deaths of his parents had been pretty terrible, especially his mother. Well, maybe he had felt worse when he broke up with Damian eleven years ago. Or 45

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when he walked out of the hotel room just a couple of days ago with nothing but a cowardly note. But this moment was up there among the worst. Jake exhaled. “I see.” “I’m sorry about this, Jake, you’ve been a wonderful coach, but I don’t see any other way. You wouldn’t want the parents to make trouble for the school…or for you. I didn’t want to have to mention this, Jake, but some of the parents have said they’d call the police.” “The police?” Mason looked away. “They’d make claims of improper touching of their children if you didn’t leave as coach.” He swallowed. He definitely got the implication there. A gay football coach? They would make definite trouble for him. Jake nodded, tightening his jaw. He stood. “Okay. I resign.” He supposed he could fight it. But the idea of his name involved in some sort of court case and folks he’d known all his life claiming he’d been doing unspeakable things…he just couldn’t do that. “Effective?” Henry Mason stood, too. “Immediately I guess.” *

*

*

Unfortunately, Jake was out of cream for his coffee at home so he knew he was going to have to stop for it. Usually he stopped at a little convenience store not too far from his neighborhood. He hesitated to go there for fear they’d have heard all about his disgrace. 46

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Jake pulled into a space in front of the small store and considered just drinking his coffee black. His hands tensed on the steering wheel. He couldn’t continue avoiding everyone. He opened his car door, got out, clicked the lock, and went inside. It being late morning in the middle of the week the place wasn’t too crowded. He was grateful for that. Normally the clerk there would call out a greeting to him when he entered. She was just out of high school. He’d coached her younger brother on his team. This time the clerk, Sherry, glanced at him and then quickly looked down at the book she was reading. His cheeks heated and he headed down the aisle to find his cream. Just as he turned right to go to the refrigerated section, he caught sight of a guy who’d gone to high school with him years ago. In fact, Jake recalled the guy had been a year ahead of him. He saw him around town occasionally, but they’d never exactly been friends. The man, Ken, stared hard at him. “Is it true you’re a faggot, Fields?” “I’m just here to make a purchase,” Jake said, trying to move past him. “Maybe you ought to move to a place where they want your kind instead of here,” Ken snarled, blocking the aisle. “We’re good folks here.” Jake said nothing and continued to try to get around Ken. “Wait a second, Fields. Here’s something I know you’ll want.” Ken reached around to the counter behind him and produced a jar. He handed it to Jake. 47

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Jake made the mistake of glancing at it. It was a jar of chocolate sauce. He angrily thrust it back into Ken’s hand. “Get out of my way.” Ken burst out laughing and shoved Jake in the direction of the refrigerated case. He walked away, but Jake could hear him laughing as he moved through the store. Jake had five inches on the guy and probably several pounds. He could easily pound Ken into the ground. He wouldn’t, of course. Jake grabbed the quart of half-and-half and took it to the clerk at the counter. She rang it up without even looking at him. “Sherry?” She tensed and then looked in his direction. “Yes?” “Do you have a problem with me?” Jake asked. “N-no, Mr. Fields.” She blushed. He nodded and paid for his cream. “Have a good day, Sherry.” He walked back out to his car and saw a note pasted to his window. No doubt courtesy of Ken. He ripped it from the window, scanned the disparaging remarks, and tore it into shreds, tossing it in a nearby trash. Just as he always feared. He was unwelcome in his own hometown. *

*

*

Jake entered his lonely empty house more depressed than he’d been in a hell of a long time. He had no job, no boyfriend, nobody sharing his house with him. Apparently no 48

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friends. He walked into the kitchen, flicked on the light, and looked in the refrigerator for something to eat. It was almost noon now. After he’d resigned as coach, he’d driven around for a while, wondering how he’d gotten to this point. For a few minutes he’d even cursed Damian. If he hadn’t shown up none of this would have happened and he could have gone on with his normal, average life as before. He pulled out some lunch meat and bread and made himself a sandwich. Yeah, normal, average pointless life. The truth was, Jake hated his life. He’d hated it for a long time, only he had refused to acknowledge it. His doorbell rang and he froze. Was it the villagers with pitchforks ready to run him out of town? Jake considered not answering it. But he’d been acting too cowardly these days and he didn’t feel like doing it now. He shoved the last bite of his sandwich in his mouth and went to the front door. Standing on his doorstep was his aunt, Suzy. A petite woman with her white hair curled softly around her face and her glasses perched at the edge of her nose. She reminded him very much of her older sister, his mother. She threw her arms around him as she walked into the house. “I heard everything.” She stepped out of their embrace and closed the door. “Are you all right?” Jake frowned. “What have you heard?” “All about Margery’s big mouth.” He grimaced. “Yeah.” “Why didn’t you call me and tell me what happened?” She 49

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grabbed his hand and drew him into the living room. She pushed him down onto the couch and sat next to him. “You and Damian must be pretty upset.” Jake opened his mouth and then closed it, his chest tightening. Damian. He’d been such an ass. Damian probably hated him now. “You’re home during the day, I can only guess what that means,” Suzy said. “Tell me.” He nodded, trying to make his mouth work. “Yes, I…lost my job.” She sighed. “They fired you?” “Pretty much. Henry Mason strongly suggested I resign to avoid problems for the school and myself.” “Problems for you?” Jake hung his head. “I guess some of the parents talked about me being a pervert and making false accusations to the police.” She drew a sharp breath. “That’s outrageous.” “Under the circumstances I agreed to resign. This-this is exactly what I always feared if people found out my sexual preference.” Suzy patted his leg. “Listen, I understand why you chose to hide being gay. Even now, though it’s more accepted than it once was, it’s still something many people find hard to accept. And being a professional athlete it had to have been even more difficult.” “Not to mention coming from this place.” “That, too.” She smiled a little. “Like I said, I can 50

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understand your reticence, but maybe, have you thought that possibly it’s better this way? You’ve lived all your life trying to please others. Your fans, your teammates, certainly your father. Didn’t you matter at all?” Jake swallowed and leaned back against the sofa. “I don’t know. It’s hard to think of it as a good thing right now. I went to the store on the way home and people who have known me can’t even look me in the face.” “Honey, that’s their problem, not yours. What does Damian Grant think?” “Fuck.” He felt his face flush. “Sorry.” Suzy laughed. “I’m hardly a prude who can’t hear curse words. But what does that mean?” “I-I didn’t react well when Margery caught us at the hotel.” Jake’s stomach lurched. “I panicked and acted like a dick.” “Meaning?” Jake winced, hating to admit to his aunt what an ass and a coward he was. Thirty-eight years old and still running. “He went down to the lobby to get us some breakfast and while he was gone I ditched him with a note.” “I see,” she said, gently. “He probably hates my guts.” “Now, why would he hate you?” “Because, this is the second time I did that to him. Before”—Jake paused, swallowing—“when we were teammates we were also lovers. Serious lovers. Damian wanted to eventually come out when both our careers were 51

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over and be together, but I would never commit to that. Then there’d been a few rumors going around the league about how close we were. So I…I decided to end things. The last time we were together, I left a note for him in the morning ending things. I didn’t even do it in person.” “Oh.” “Yeah. I was such a fucking loser. The team was trading me and I knew it. I hadn’t even told Damian. I just packed my stuff and left with just a stupid note.” “And you did that again this time.” She patted his leg again. Jake nodded, unsure he could form words to explain how stupid he was. “Why don’t you give Damian a chance?” “What?” “Do you love him?” Suzy asked. “Yes.” “I’m pretty sure he must still have feelings for you to come all the way here for Jacob’s funeral. Why don’t you go after him and tell him how you feel? Take a chance, Jake.” Jake bit his lip. “What-what if he says get lost?” She smiled. “What if he does? I don’t think he will, but if he does, you haven’t lost anything. Do you want to spend the rest of your days regretting not having what you might have had?” He blew out a breath. “I don’t know if I can. Damian’s been out for several years. He even had a boyfriend he really loved. I don’t know if I can compete with that.” 52

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“No one is asking you to compete.” She held his hand. “I know about hiding one’s sexuality more than most, you know?” Jake blinked and stared at her. For several silent seconds. “Are you saying—” “Yes, Jake,” Suzy said. “I’m a lesbian. I’ve been in a secret relationship with another woman for many years now. Oh, we’ve thought about coming out, but we’re both older and it’s difficult to change after all this time. Plus, her brother was a terrible bigot.” She gave him a pointed look. It took a moment for Jake to process what she was trying to tell him, but then his jaw dropped. “Aunt Caroline?” “Yes, Caroline. You know how your father was. And their parents, too.” She held up her hand. “I know she has her problems, too, but I see a different side to her. Anyway, I’d probably be okay with telling folks even now, but I don’t think Caroline would. And certainly not when she sees how folks acted about you being gay.” He could barely believe it. His mother’s sister and his father’s sister? Together? “How long?” “Since just after you were born, actually.” “Wow. All this time in secret.” Suzy nodded sadly. “Yes, do you really want that?” “No,” he whispered. “Then go find Damian.”

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CHAPTER 6 Jake sat in his car just down the street from Damian’s Birmingham house for a good half hour. He wasn’t quite sure what he waited for. Delaying the confrontation wasn’t going to make it any easier. He’d found out Damian’s address by contacting some former teammates who still kept in touch with Damian. His former lover had likely returned home from his teaching job at the college hours ago, but Jake still sat staring up the street at the cute little bungalow style white with green trim house. The neighborhood could best be described as cozy with similar lovely homes with well-maintained lawns. It was very suburban. Not in the least pretentious. In short, exactly what 54

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he would have expected from a home Damian would have chosen for himself. Jake finally opened the car door. If he sat there too much longer the neighborhood watch would probably report him. He closed and locked it and walked the half block to Damian’s house. He hadn’t wanted to park close enough for Damian to spot him. Damian’s yard had one of those cobblestone paths up the middle. It was filled with lush green grass and flowers, too. It really was a great little place. When he reached the door, he rapped on it, his breath held, his chest tight. To Jake, at least, it seemed like an eternity passed before the door opened. A beautiful young man of no more than twenty-five or so with curly blond hair stood in the doorway. He smiled. “Hi, can I help you?” Jake’s heart stopped. “Uh, I think maybe I have the wrong house. I’m looking for Damian Grant.” The young man nodded. “Sure, this is his house.” Fuck. He hadn’t thought Damian had a boyfriend. So soon? Or had he had one when he’d been with Jake at the hotel? That didn’t sound like Damian, though. “Can I tell him your name?” the man asked. “Jake Fields,” he replied automatically. The startled look on the young man’s face confirmed he’d definitely heard of Jake. He stepped out of the doorway. “Come in.” Jake entered Damian’s house, wondering how to deal with 55

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this. Should he just claim he happened to be in Birmingham and thought he’d stop by to say hello and then be on his way? His chest burned. “Wait here, okay?” the young man said and then disappeared down the hall. Jake took a few steps forward and noticed a room to his right with the door open. He glanced in and saw Damian’s trophies and awards decorating the room as well as containing a desk and a computer. “Jake?” He turned to see Damian coming down the hall toward him. Jake clenched his fists to keep from pulling the other man into an embrace. He attempted a smile but thought it probably came out a little twisted. Damian looked awesome. He was dressed casually in form-fitting jeans and a blue T-shirt. His gaze went straight to the man’s biceps, Jake licked his lips. “Hi,” he squeaked out. Damian stared at him, his dark eyes roaming over Jake from head to toe, almost like he couldn’t believe Jake had the nerve to show up. Jake wondered how he had, too. “Okay,” the blond young man said, as he came up behind Damian. He was carrying a backpack. “I’m going to take off.” Damian hugged the man. “Thanks, Jere.” Jere smiled. “No problem. I’ll see you for your birthday next weekend, right?” “Absolutely. Tell your mom I’ll call her with the details.” “Okay, bye.” Jere glanced at Jake. “Nice to meet you.” 56

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Jake watched him go out the door. Not that he’d actually met Jere. The front door closed and Jake turned back to Damian. “Who was that?” he asked, hoping he faked casualness. “Chris’s younger brother, Jeremiah.” “Oh.” Jake swallowed. All right, so not a boyfriend. “Can we-can we talk?” Damian nodded. “Follow me.” He led Jake into a living room with a cozy fireplace and a couple of overstuffed couches. He gestured to one of the couches. “Have a seat.” Jake lowered himself onto the sofa. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” Damian sat a few feet away on the same couch. “You came all the way to Birmingham for that. You could have sent a note.” Ouch. Yeah, he deserved that, Jake knew. It stung anyway. “I’m through with saying what I want to say in a note.” “Are you?” Jake had known Damian probably wouldn’t make this easy. He was tempted to bolt and forget the whole thing. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t. “Yes. I-I know there’s no excuse for me bailing on you like that with just a note.” “Like before,” Damian said softly. The pain in Damian’s voice pierced him. Damn, he really had been a dick. “Yeah.” Jake’s voice cracked. “I’ve been a coward all my life. You think I could stand up and be a man for once. But I 57

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didn’t. I panicked when Margery saw us and I knew she’d blab all about me…about us.” “Did she?” “Of course.” Jake smiled a little. “It’s all over my hometown. I wish I could say it doesn’t bother me anymore, but it does.” “Well, I’m sorry about that, Jake. I didn’t intend to make it difficult for you.” “I know. You didn’t. I made it difficult for myself. I should have stuck around and worked things out. I’ve been hiding so long, I don’t know how to do anything else. Or I didn’t. I don’t want to hide anymore.” Damian leaned forward, his hands folded in his lap. “What are you saying, Jake?” “I’m not going to pretend.” Jake blew out a breath. “I’m gay and not hiding it anymore.” His stomach automatically flipped. He knew it would be hard. Hell, running into assholes like Ken probably would happen all too often. “Good. That’s good, Jake. Is that really what you want, though?” “Yes.” Damian reached over and touched his knee briefly. “Okay. Then I’ll help you in whatever way I can. You’ll probably need a few pointers on dating. Since you haven’t done it.” “Dating?” “Yeah. It’s pretty similar to dating women, but instead it’s with guys. Well, you’ve been to gay bars for hookups, haven’t you?” 58

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Jake frowned. “Well, yes.” Damian nodded. “There are online dating sites for gays, too, so I’ll be sure to give you the list.” What? Jake stared at Damian. Didn’t he get it? Or did he get it and he just didn’t want Jake anymore? Had he pushed Damian away one too many times? That was it, wasn’t it? He didn’t want to take another chance with Jake. “Thanks,” Jake forced himself to say. “I-I appreciate that.” He pushed away the overwhelming sadness and dismay threatening to choke him. “Maybe you can recommend a job for me, too.” “A job?” It was Damian’s turn to frown. “Yeah.” Jake laughed. “I got fired. Well, basically anyway. I resigned, but it was strongly suggested that I do so to avoid scandal for the school and trouble with the police for me.” “Jesus.” “Uh-huh. Nothing but good times for old Jake these days.” He knew he sounded bitter and despondent. Well, fuck, he was. “I’ve had jars of chocolate sauce handed to me. Oh, and some left on my doorstep too. And several notes and even a few crank calls.” “Jake—” “But, hey, at least I’m out now, huh? I have no job and no house, too. That’s okay, though, because everyone knows I’m gay.” He sounded a little hysterical even to himself. He couldn’t make himself stop though. “What happened to your house?” 59

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“I gave it to my aunts. I turned it over to Suzy and Caroline. I sure as hell don’t want to live there anymore. They all turned against me. What the hell though. I can move to San Francisco or something.” Jake stood up. He had to get the hell away from Damian. “Listen. Thanks. I’m sorry I interrupted whatever and thanks for the offer to help me adjust and find boyfriends and all that. I’ll probably take you up on that when I get settled.” He took a fast step forward, but in his haste to get away, his bum knee locked up and he stumbled. Damian stood and put out a steadying hand. His hand closed around Jake’s arm, warm and strong. Jake closed his eyes, humiliated when he felt the burn of tears. Damian pulled him against him and wrapped his arms around him. He choked back the tears, his throat clogged with emotion. “Jake, open your eyes and look at me.” It took a tremendous effort to do so, but Jake opened his eyes and stared into the dark gaze of Damian. The other man’s gaze was tender and loving. “Why did you come to Birmingham, Jake?” “You know why,” Jake whispered. “I hope so, but I want to hear you say the words.” He couldn’t blame Damian for making him work for it. And if he hadn’t seen the love and hope shining from Damian’s eyes, he might not have had the guts to say it. “I love you, Damian, and I want to be with you.” “For how long?” Damian brushed his bottom lip with his 60

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thumb. “Forever.” His lover smiled. “That’s a long time.” “Not nearly long enough.” Jake sucked Damian’s thumb into his mouth. “So, will you forgive me and give me another chance to get it right this time?” Damian’s arms wrapped around him again and tightened. “Yes. I love you, too. So much.” His heart leaping in his chest, Jake hugged him back, leaning his head on Damian’s shoulder. “Want to show me the bedroom?” *

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Damian’s world had suddenly become a whole lot brighter than it had been before Jake came to his front door. When Jeremiah had announced his arrival Damian thought he must have heard it wrong. Yet, when he came into the front hallway there was Jake. And now Jake had told him he loved him and wanted to be together. Forever. He hoped to God it was true. He led Jake into the master bedroom, probably holding onto Jake’s hand a little too tight. But he didn’t want to take any chances. For just a moment he thought he might have scared Jake off by trying to force a confession of love out of him. “You have a great house,” Jake said, looking around. “I really like it.” “Yeah? I’m glad, because I’d-I’d like it to be our house.” 61

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There, he’d blurted it out before he could think better of it. But Jake had said forever, after all, and to Damian that meant living together. “Me, too.” Jake smiled. He walked over to Damian’s kingsized bed. “You certainly have room in this big bed of yours.” Jake’s smile faded. He tugged his lip with his teeth. “What is it? Changing your mind already?” Damian asked, squeezing his hand. “No. No, it’s just. You probably shared this bed with Chris.” Damian kissed him, just a brief, soft little peck on the lips. “I did. But Chris is gone now. You’re here.” “I know I shouldn’t be jealous of Chris, but I am.” Jake looked around the room. “This room is great, though. You even have a fireplace here in the bedroom. That is so cool.” Damian laughed. Jake sounded so young all of a sudden. “Sweetheart, you can change anything in the house to make it yours. Ours. Whatever you want to do.” “Yeah?” “Of course.” Damian grabbed Jake’s hand again and pulled him down on the bed. He sat next to him. “I know the fact I had a good relationship with someone else bothers you, but I can’t change what happened with Chris and I wouldn’t want to pretend it didn’t happen. It did and we were very happy. But Chris is gone and I know he would want me to find happiness again. With you.” Jake nodded. “You’re right. You’re still close to them, aren’t you?” 62

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Damian wouldn’t lie. Besides, Jake had seen Jeremiah here earlier. “Yes. They’re my family. The law might not recognize gay marriage, Jake, but to the two of us, we were married. And to his family, also. They accepted me and loved me for who I am and how happy I made Chris. Chris can’t be with us anymore, but I don’t want to just turn away from them. We still see each other a lot and spend holidays together.” Jake closed his eyes, and then lowered his head. After a moment he spoke, “I’ll just have to get used to that, then, won’t I?” “It won’t be hard, sweetheart. You’ll like them.” “Will they like me?” Jake’s sad little smile tugged at his heart. “Yes. You’re very lovable. Besides, I love you, so they will, too.” Jake’s smile brightened. “You sound so certain.” “That’s because I am. I’d like you to know what a normal loving family is like, Jake.” Jake bounced up from the bed. “Let’s see the bathroom.” Damian shrugged at the sudden change of subject and the sudden change in Jake’s mood. He led the way to the bathroom. He’d had work done on it. Ripped out the old shower and tub and put in a big glass standing shower. One suitable for a big, tall football player. “Can I just say wow?” Jake grinned. “I always wanted one of these showers big enough for like six people.” He laughed. “It is pretty nice. Want to try it out?” “Why, Mr. Grant, is that a lecherous look?” “You bet it is.” Damian popped open the shower door and 63

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turned on the water spray. Jake licked his lips and without further invitation pulled off his green polo shirt. Okay, damn. The man was a god, no question about it. Damian couldn’t resist reaching out to smooth his hand over Jake’s abdomen. Jake’s stomach quivered. “Now your shirt,” Jake said, softly. His fingers curled under the hem of Damian’s T-shirt. His fingertips were warm against Damian’s skin. Jake tugged it up and over Damian’s head. “God, you’re so beautiful.” Damian laughed. “You’re the beautiful one, sweetheart. Let me get a condom.” He stepped away from Jake for just a moment and opened the cabinet under the sink. He had some pre-lubed condoms in there. He tore one from the strip. Later, he’d need more when they made it to the bed. When he turned back around, Jake had stripped out of his khaki pants and stood in only his black briefs. Damian’s mouth watered. He was pretty sure he might be drooling. “Hold this,” he said, handing the foil wrapper to Jake. He unfastened his jeans and scooted them down his hips and on to the floor at his feet. Damian took the step that would put him directly in front of Jake. He slid his hand into the waistband of Jake’s briefs. “Now we need to take care of these.” “Yours, too.” Jake leaned toward him, and then pressed his mouth to Damian’s. He tasted of sweet peppermint as though he’d recently been chewing gum. Damian parted Jake’s lips with his tongue. His eased Jake’s briefs down, his hands closing over the 64

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perfect globes of Jake’s ass. He ran his fingertip over Jake’s opening. Damian’s already filling cock jumped, pushed against the confines of his own briefs. “Jesus, Jake, get in the shower,” Damian urged against his lips. Jake’s laugh was throaty and sexy, sending a jolt of pure sexual desire through Damian. Jake stepped into the shower and under the water spray. He watched Jake lean his head back, his eyes close, letting a steady spray cover him. Damian slipped out of his briefs and flung them toward his bedroom. He joined Jake in the shower. He set the foil condom packet in the slot for the soap. His lover now had his back to him. He molded himself to Jake’s back, wrapping his arms around Jake’s waist bringing him even closer, wet skin against wet skin. Lowering his lips to the pulse at Jake’s throat, he spoke, “Remember our first shower together?” Jake titled his head, giving better access to Damian. “Yes. God, that was a lifetime ago.” Damian nodded. “You slipped in the tub and bruised your tailbone. Then you had to make up some story for the coach.” Jake laughed. “I didn’t make up much. I told him I fell in the shower. I just didn’t mention you were there.” “I’ll make sure you don’t fall this time,” Damian promised. He nibbled Jake’s neck. He reached for the condom, tore open the packet and rolled the pre-lubed latex over his hard, heavy cock. He cupped Jake’s jaw and turned it toward him. “I love you.” 65

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Jake turned in his arms and kissed him. “I love you, too.” Their tongues met, tangled. He sucked Jake’s tongue in deep, feeling like he could kiss him like this forever. He felt Jake’s erection against his leg. Damian gave him another quick kiss, and then dropped to his knees on the shower floor. “Dam?” “Shh, sweetheart.” He opened his mouth and drew in the head of Jake’s cock. “Oh, my God.” Jake grabbed Damian’s head, pushing himself farther into his mouth. Damian opened his throat muscles, swallowing down all of Jake’s length. He loved the pure male taste. He grasped Jake’s ass, pulling him down even deeper. Jake’s knees wobbled a bit, but Damian steadied him. He worked his lover’s cock in and out. Jake was making little gasping, moaning noises that were a huge turn-on. He knew he’d have to be inside Jake soon. Damian moved one hand to Jake’s balls, gently squeezing the sac. “Ah, Damian, I’m gonna come,” Jake rasped out. He wanted to tell Jake to go ahead, but he didn’t want to release Jake’s cock. Instead he sucked harder, more frantically. He couldn’t wait to taste Jake’s creamy liquid. Jake’s erection pulsed in his mouth. “Damian!” Jake yelled, tensing and pouring down Damian’s throat. He swallowed as much as he could, savoring the taste. 66

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Jake pulled out slowly and Damian used the opportunity to swirl his tongue around the tip. “Enough,” Jake said, laughing. He reached down to help Damian stand up in the shower. Damian pulled him close, wrapping his arms around Jake’s wet torso. “You’re so amazing, sweetheart.” “You were pretty amazing just now,” Jake said. He drew Damian’s lips to him with his teeth, nibbling on them. “Fuck me.” “Love to.” He turned Jake around and plastered himself to his lover’s back. Dropping kisses along Jake’s collarbone, Damian whispered, “Brace yourself against the shower wall.” Jake closed his eyes and leaned his hands on the wall in front of him. He pushed his ass out, brushing against Damian’s hard cock. Damian reached for a small bottle of aloe vera he kept on a shelf in the shower. He squirted a little glob on his fingers and then spread Jake’s legs apart with a nudge of his knee. “Ready for me?” “God, yes, please.” Damian growled low in his throat and inserted one finger in Jake. He pushed it past the tight ring of muscle. His cock jumped. “Okay?” “Uh-huh, more.” Damian swallowed and pushed in another finger, opening his lover. He worked them in and out, preparing Jake for the invasion. After hearing Jake’s contented sigh, he placed a third finger. He caressed Jake’s hip with his other hand. 67

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“As nice as your fingers feel, Dam, I want your cock.” He shook with need, withdrawing his fingers, and poising his cock at Jake’s entrance. When he’d checked out of the hotel a few days ago, he thought he’d never have this again. Never be with Jake as he always dreamed. But now he was. Damian pressed in, paused to let the feelings and the sensations seep in. Jake was his. His. They loved each other and would finally get their chance at happily-ever-after. “Dam?” “Hmm?” “Gonna move?” Damian kissed Jake’s throat. “Damn straight.” His cock slid in easily, all the way. Still he hesitated. He wanted this moment to last. Not that it was the end or anything. It was only the beginning for them. But he knew from personal experience the future couldn’t be predicted. He’d lost Chris in a blink of an eye. “Babe?” Jake pushed against him, wiggling his ass. “Shh.” Damian started to move, thrusting fast and deep. He loved the sight of the shower spraying all over Jake, all over him. He pulled out nearly the all way, then slammed back in, fast and furiously. Again and again, he pumped into Jake, loving the sound of his balls slapping. “God, you’re good at that,” Jake moaned, bowing his head. “I love you, Damian.” “I love you, too, Jake. Always.” He gripped Jake’s hips, his fingertips pressing in. As his orgasm tingled up his spine, he increased the speed of his 68

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thrusts, closing his eyes. His balls tightened. “Jake!” He yelled, unable to hold back. His release hit him hard, pouring from his cock. He came and came, feeling like he couldn’t stop. Damian wrapped his arms around Jake and pulled him tight against him, gasping. He had to hold on to Jake to keep upright. He felt as weak as a babe. Staying within Jake, he whispered in his ear, “Maybe we should really shower now.” Jake laughed. “Okay, and then let’s make love again.” “After I’ve had time to recover,” Damian said. *

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A long time later, Jake’s head rested on Damian’s chest in the big king-sized bed. He smiled against Damian’s sweat slicked chest. He felt deep contentment for the first time in so many years. Actually probably ever. Even when he was with Damian before, Jake hadn’t felt comfortable with himself, with his life. Now he did. Oh, it would be an adjustment. He’d been hiding himself all his life. Damian’s fingers threaded through his hair. “Do you know why I bought a house in Birmingham? You know I wasn’t a southern boy.” “That’s true. You’re from Michigan.” “I always hoped we’d live here together. Even though you’d broken my heart, I never gave up hope. So I came to Alabama thinking someday I’d find a way.” Jake closed his eyes. He’d wasted so much time. “But then, I met Chris,” Damian continued. “We had a 69

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good time. I never forgot you though. The truth was, when your dad died, it seemed the perfect opportunity to try one more time to get you to see how much I loved you. I hoped you still loved me, too.” “I did. I do.” He hugged Damian tight. “Have I ever told you how amazing you are? You are the best person I’ve ever known.” Damian leaned down and kissed the top of his head. “I’m so glad you’re here. So glad, we’re going to get our second chance.” “We will. And forever. Thank you for believing in me and loving me enough to keep trying.” “I love you, Jake.” “I love you, Damian.” Jake kissed his lover’s chest. “I didn’t want either of us to have any regrets.” “I don’t,” Jake said. “Not now.” “Me either. Go to sleep, sweetheart. When you wake up, we’ll make love again.” Jake nodded and closed his eyes. He did regret the eleven years he could have spent with Damian and didn’t. But somehow, now, contentedly lying in bed with Damian, he could push away those regrets. For the rest of their lives, they would wake up together. Nothing could be better than that.

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SHAWN LANE

Shawn Lane believes love and passion know no boundaries. Shawn writes both erotic love stories involving men in historical or contemporary settings and interracial romances between men and women. Shawn is always looking for new stories and new characters to create while holding down life in California. *

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