Islam: Questions And Answers - Manners (Part 1)

Islam: Questions And Answers Volume 17 Manners (Part 1)

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Islam: Questions And Answers Volume 17 Manners (Part 1)

Muhammad Saed Abdul-Rahman B.Sc., DipHE

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© Muhammad Saed Abdul-Rahman, 2003 ISBN for all volumes 1 86179 080 5 ISBN for volume 17 paperback 1 86179 336 7 ISBN for volume 17 hardback 1 86179 337 5 ISBN for volume 17 pdf eBook 1 86179 338 3 ISBN for volume 17 Microsoft eBook 1 86179 339 0 ISBN for volume 17 Palm eBook 1 86179 340 5 All Rights reserved

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data. A Catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

Designed, Typeset and produced by: MSA Publication Limited, 4 Bello Close, Herne Hill, London SE24 9BW United Kingdom

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Contents Introduction .............................................................................. 1 Chapter 1................................................................................... 3 General ................................................................................. 3 27191: His reputation has been tarnished – what should he do? ....................................................... 3 45671: Is it haraam to cut down lotus trees? ................... 5 11413: Islamic rights ....................................................... 7 20811: Speaking after ‘Isha prayer is makrooh ............. 12 30761: Ruling on using newspapers as a “tablecloth” ................................................................... 15 22170: Conditions of permissible joking ...................... 16 8185: Advice to those who visit chat rooms ................. 22 2896: What Ruling on killing mice and rats, and a comment on the character Mickey Mouse ........... 25 4893: There is no Harm in Joking as long as it is Truthful ...................................................................... 28 Chapter 2................................................................................. 30 forbidden expressions ........................................................ 30 42054: There is nothing wrong with using the expression “by chance” ................................................. 30 36674: Ruling on cursing specific people ..................... 32 31900: No one is described as the khaleefah of Allaah ........................................................................ 35 31916: Is it correct to say “My dear father”? ................ 38 34684: The expressions “I urge you”, “Greetings”, “Good morning”, “Good evening” ........... 39 34698: Is it correct for a speaker to say, “My beloved for the sake of the Messenger of Allaah”? .................................................................... 40 34735: The expression “May you live forever” ............ 41 41625: Saying “May Allaah give you a long life”......... 42 42401: Expressions used to refer to one who has died ......................................................................... 43 v

41638: The comment of some sinners, “I am free to do what I want” ........................................ 44 41629: Saying “Your Majesty” etc ................................ 44 42965: Saying “I seek the protection of the Messenger of Allaah” .............................................. 45 Chapter 3................................................................................. 47 Sleeping Manners .............................................................. 47 20847: Is it permissible for a woman to do her household duties when she is junub? ...................... 47 20943: Is it permissible to sleep with one’s feet towards the qiblah? ................................................ 49 21388: Sleeping naked .................................................. 50 31762: He loves da’wah but he had a disturbing dream............................................................ 51 30784: Delaying prayer until night-time because of work ............................................................. 55 12782: Renewing wudoo’ before going to sleep ........... 56 12871: Ruling on pointing one’s feet towards the qiblah ....................................................................... 57 21216: Guidelines of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning sleep ............................................................ 58 21647: Is it makrooh to sleep after ‘Asr? ...................... 62 14033: It is permissible to sleep on one’s left side .......................................................................... 63 9577: Ways of protecting oneself from nightmares and disturbing dreams ................................ 65 7846: Boy Sleeping with His Mother or Sister ............. 69 5287: Does sleeping next to one’s wife cancel out the wudoo’ prescribed before sleeping? ........................................................................ 72 5350: Should he recite Aayat al-Kursi aloud or silently? ..................................................................... 74 827: The reason why it is forbidden to sleep on one’s belly ................................................................ 75 1409: Sleeping on one’s stomach when there is a legitimate reason ............................................ 76 vi

2063: Sleeping after Fajr and ‘Asr ................................ 77 Chapter 4................................................................................. 80 Keeping Contact with Kinship ........................................... 80 40005: Ruling on upholding ties with one’s mother and siblings through breastfeeding ................... 80 14630: Rights of brothers and sisters ............................ 83 11934: His Muslim wife’s relatives are kaafirs who mistreat her ................................................ 85 11757: Her husband will not let their children visit their kaafir grandparents ........................................ 86 10132: He visits his aunt and problems arise as a result ....................................................................... 87 10225: Is it permissible to attend family gatherings in which bid’ah takes place? ........................ 88 7571: Suggestions as how to end the estrangement between disputing relatives ..................... 89 5158: Can he travel to a kaafir country for the sake of upholding family ties? ................................ 90 1426: Rulings on upholding the ties of kinship for females ..................................................................... 91 4631: Broken ties of kinship and relationships ............. 93 4428: Number of times a wife can visit her family ............................................................................ 96 2294: Visiting relatives who have a satellite dish in their homes ........................................................ 98 1398: Du’aa’ for guidance of someone close ................ 99 793: Dealing with hurtful relatives ............................. 101 1808: Advice: Separating women from non-mahram* men in family visits.............................. 104 701: Cutting off ties with a non-Muslim sister ........... 107 Chapter 5............................................................................... 109 Etiquette of sneezing ........................................................ 109 34523: If he sneezes or hears a donkey braying whilst praying, should he say the dhikr narrated in the Sunnah? ..................................... 109 3488: Saying “Yarhamuk Allaah (May Allaah have mercy on you)” to one who sneezes ................... 111 vii

2750: Why do Muslims say “Al-hamdu Lillah” after they sneeze? ........................................................ 112 Chapter 6............................................................................... 116 Neighbour’s Rights .......................................................... 116 1963: Helping sinful neighbours ................................. 116 Chapter 7............................................................................... 118 Etiquette of eating and drinking ....................................... 118 20847: Is it permissible for a woman to do her household duties when she is junub? .................... 118 42958: He found a kaafir on the road – can he give him a ride? ...................................................... 120 32736: Family restaurants ........................................... 121 25824: How sound is the hadeeth “Praise be to Allaah who has fed me and granted me provision”? ............................................................ 125 13739: Eating leftovers from a Thanksgiving meal so that it will not be thrown away ...................... 127 21917: Eating from a table .......................................... 128 21652: Is it permissible to drink in one breath? .......... 129 9894: Is it Sunnah to sit on the floor to eat? ............... 131 6503: Eating habits and diet of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) .............. 135 3020: Having the habit of eating with one’s left hand ....................................................................... 138 831: Adaab UlSharab (drinking manners) ................... 141 Chapter 8............................................................................... 144 Manners of Greeting with Salaam ................................... 144 48984: Greeting the Shi’ah first .................................. 144 48966: Greeting a kaafir first ...................................... 146 39258: Ruling on greeting women with salaam and returning their greeting ............................. 148 43154: Returning greetings to kaafirs falls into three categories .................................................... 152 20818: If there is no one in the house should he still say salaam? ...................................................... 155 22812: Adding the word “ta’aala” to the greeting of salaam ....................................................... 158 viii

31064: Ruling on greeting with a wave of the hand ................................................................... 159 12566: Ruling on initiating the salaam when speaking on the telephone ................................. 160 21183: Shaking hands with a non-maham woman ......................................................................... 160 23274: The difference between sending salaams on the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and sending blessings ............ 167 4975: Responding to a kaafir when he says salaam to a Muslim ..................................................... 172 2291: Is it correct to end a letter with the phrase “wa’l-salaam”? ................................................ 175 26785: Ruling on initiating the greeting of salaam with Jews and Christians, and how to push them to the narrowest part of the road ................ 177 11559: Ruling on greeting a non-Muslim teacher ......................................................................... 178 10512: Is it permissible to delay returning salaams because of enmity? ........................................ 179 1504: If it is not known whether a person is a Muslim or a kaafir, can we say salaam to him? ........ 180 5495: Can we greet the kuffaar with a greeting other than salaam? ....................................................... 181 7092: How should we respond when the People of the Book greet us with salaam? .............................. 184 6670: Ruling on greeting with a gesture ..................... 186 6583: How should we return the greeting of salaam from a non-Muslim? ....................................... 188 3498: If a person thinks that someone will not return his salaam, should he still say salaam? ............. 191 4052: Is it mustahabb for one who gets up to leave a gathering to say salaam to those who are still sitting? .................................................... 191 4596: The importance of saying salaam and returning the greeting .................................................. 192 371: Giving salaams to people in the mosque ix

during the khutbah ....................................................... 197 Chapter 9............................................................................... 199 Kissing-hugging ............................................................... 199 12837: Sitting with husband’s relatives and shaking hands with them ...................................... 199 10142: Ruling on a father kissing his daughter ........... 203 23347: Ruling on kissing one’s wife’s mother ............ 204 3489: What is the ruling on kissing another person’s hand? ............................................................. 205 Chapter 10............................................................................. 207 Honouring Parents ........................................................... 207 49723: His father told him to sell the car because he is afraid that he may have an accident. Should he do as he is told? .......................... 207 45864: Her father mistreats her and her mother resents her, and this has affected her relationship with her husband ............................... 208 44923: His mother wants him to divorce his second wife so that no one else will follow his example and marry more than one wife ................ 213 3482: Parents’ permission for voluntary or obligatory Hajj............................................................. 214 34176: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses ............................. 215 22782: How should the Muslim honour his parents? .................................................................. 217 40283: His parents refuse to let him shorten his lower garments. Should he obey them? ................. 219 27265: His brother only treats his parents in a harsh manner, and he is afraid that he has been bewitched ..................................................... 222 27281: Should he obey his father and buy him alcohol? ................................................................ 223 30893: He gets angry and does not speak to his parents and does not make up with them............... 226 20961: Hesitation of a Christian woman who wants to become Muslim, and she is x

asking about her relationship with her family ............. 230 27173: He married a widow and his family objects ......................................................................... 235 27196: She became Muslim but her family did not; should she honour her family even though they mistreat her? ............................................ 239 27105: What is the ruling on living with a kaafir mother? ............................................................. 242 33680: Muslim society and the care of the elderly .......................................................................... 245 22724: His family have cut him off because he got married without their approval ......................... 253 20106: Marrying an ex-Christian woman who has become Muslim recently and has a child .............. 255 12652: He wants to benefit his deceased father .......... 258 12633: Should I obey my father and give up being friends with good people? ................................. 259 26852: Does a son or daughter have the right to refuse the person whom the parents choose for them to marry? ....................................................... 261 30796: Should he get married without his father’s approval? ........................................................ 262 26804: Her mother wants to give her a birthday party – what should she do? ........................................ 264 21831: He wants to get married but his father is refusing .................................................................... 266 5053: My mother’s rights over me, my rights over her, and the extent of my independence .............. 270 27017: Does the mother have the right to stop her daughter fasting because of nutrition? .................. 277 21737: A wife’s responsibilities towards her parents ................................................................... 278 20996: Ruling on reciting Qur’aan for another person, living or dead ..................................... 279 20945: He proposed to a girl, but his father died not approving of her and his mother does not want her ........................................................ 282 xi

12199: Should he obey his parents or follow the Sunnah? ................................................................. 284 13032: The obligation to be steadfast in adhering to the truth and not to obey anyone if it involves disobedience to the Creator .................... 285 11790: His mother favours his brother’s wife over his wife ................................................................ 286 11495: He has a clean heart but he does not respect his parents ....................................................... 288 11623: Her parents want her to get married; she is 17 years old and feels that she is still too young ..................................................................... 289 5222: Should he build a house or give the money to his father to get married? ............................. 290 5176: She wants to study in America and her father is telling her not to wear hijaab ......................... 291 7645: She is taking care of her disabled brother and her parents want her to get married ...................... 292 9594: Does my father have the right to take whatever he wants of my wealth? ............................... 293 6517: His mother died in kufr – can he pray for her? ........................................................................ 297 4270: His father asks him to buy cigarettes for him ......................................................................... 299 2053: It is a duty on man to be kind to his parents ......................................................................... 300 6293: Who has priority, one’s mother or one’s wife? .................................................................. 301 5326: What is the importance of honouring one’s parents in Islam? ................................................ 302 5512: Does a mother have the right to reject a woman her son wants to marry? .................................. 304 5645: Turning up the volume of music for one’s parents with a remote control ............................ 306 4566: Her father is asking her for money to build a house for his second wife ................................ 307 2621: How to deal with a misbehaving mother .......... 309 xii

3496: How to make up for disobedience towards parents after they have died ........................... 312 4541: Does a son have to obey his father with regard to where he gives his charity? .......................... 313 Question: ..................................................................... 313 3044: Problem between a daughter and her mother ................................................................... 314 2731: He married someone other than the woman his parents wanted .......................................... 318 1176: Obeying parents in shaving one’s beard ............ 320 322: A Muslim treatment of mother who is an unbeliever ............................................................... 320 245: Rejecting the sunnah and praying behind someone who does ...................................................... 326

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Introduction Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the worlds, and peace and blessings be upon His last Messenger, Prophet Muhammad, and on his family and his companions. This book, Manners (Part 1), is the seventeenth volume of a series of authoritative Islamic books entitled Islam: Questions And Answers. The overall series discusses issues relevant to Islam, and present accurate and reliable information based on the true beliefs and practices of the Prophet (Peace and Blessings of Allaah be upon Him) and his companions. The objectives of the various books include: to teach and familiarize Muslims with various aspects of their religion to be a source for guiding people to Islam to assist in solving the social and personal problems of the Muslims in an Islamic context The books are directed towards Muslims and non-Muslims alike. Subject areas include, but are not limited to, Islamic fiqh and jurisprudence, Islamic history, Islamic social laws (including marriage, divorce, contracts, and inheritance), Islamic finance, basic tenets and aqeedah of the Islamic faith and tawheed, and Arabic grammar as it relates to the Qur'an and Islamic texts. The books are compilations of questions and responses about Islam, from both Muslims and Non-Muslims. The responses are handled mainly by internationally re-nowned Islamic shaykhs and scholars, including Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, Ibn Katheer, al-Albaani, Shaykh Ibn Baaz, Ibn al-Jawzi, Ibn al-Qayyim, Al‘Izz ibn ‘Abd al-Salaam, al-Nawawi, Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem, al Khudayr, Al-Dhahabi, al-Qurtubi, Al-Sindi, al-Shawkaani and al-Bastawi using only authentic, scholarly sources based on the Qur'an and sunnah. References, which include Haashiyat Ibn Maajah, Sharh Saheeh Muslim, Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 1

Silsilat al-Ahaadeeth al-Da’eefah, Al-Mawsoo’ah fi Ahaadeeth al-Mahdi al-Da’eefah wa’l-Mawdoo’ah, Al-Manaar al-Muneef and Fataawa Islamiyyah, are provided where appropriate in the responses. The book provides the reader with cross references of other pertinent responses not necessarily in the same volume, but also in other volumes of the series. However, each volume is complete in itself. The book records accurately the answers the contributing Sheikhs and scholars gave to the questions put to them. These are not necessarily the answers which other sheikhs and scholars would have given. Depending on circumstances, for example, Islam permits different solutions to some questions The book also provides the reader with cross-references to other pertinent responses not necessarily in the same volume, but also in other volumes of the series. However, each volume is complete in itself. It is intended that this present series of Books will cover the following subject areas (insha-Allah): Aqeedah (Basic Tenets of Faith); Usool ul-Fiqh (Science of evidence that serve as basis for Fiqh), Fiqh (Jurisprudence and Islamic Rulings), Da'wah (Inviting others to Islam), Aadaab (Manners), Akhlaaq (Character and Morals), Tareekh wa ul Seerah (Islamic history and biography), Tarbiyyah (Pedagogy, education, and upbringing) and Mashakil Nafsiyah wa Ijtimaa'yah (Psychological & Social Problems). May Allah reward the owners and maintainers of www.islamqa.com for granting me full, exclusive, assignable and transferable rights to use and display all the questions and answers needed for the compilation of these books. May Allah grant everyone involved in the promotion of this project good in this world and the Hereafter and protection from the fire of hell.

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Chapter 1 General 27191: His reputation has been tarnished – what should he do? Question: What is one to do when being accused of slander and fitnah ,when there is no truth in the matter?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You should note that it has been proven that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for it is all good, and this does not apply to anyone except the believer. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him, and if something bad happens to him he bears it with patience and that is good for him.” Narrated by Muslim, 2999. This hadeeth indicates that all the believer’s affairs are good, because he alternates between gratitude and patience, and there is reward in both. You should also note that the best of people, the Messengers (peace be upon them) were slandered by their enemies. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Likewise, no Messenger came to those before them but they said: ‘A sorcerer or a madman!’” [al-Dhaariyaat 51:52] 3

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Even our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was slandered by his enemies and accused of being a sorcerer or a madman. Indeed, things got so bad that the hypocrites impugned his honour, but despite that he bore it all with patience and sought reward from Allaah, and he put his trust in Allaah. “And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). 3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose” [al-Talaaq 65:2-3] So you have to be patient and seek reward with Allaah, and remember that this is one of the means by which Allaah expiates your sins. You have the right to defend yourself and establish your innocence of whatever you are accused of, and to denounce as liars those who accuse you of that; this is not regarded as the kind of gheebah (backbiting or gossip) that is forbidden. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Allaah does not like that the evil should be uttered in public except by him who has been wronged” [al-Nisa’ 4:148] If you can confront the one who has accused you and advise him and exhort him to fear Allaah, that is good. Perhaps he will give up what he has been doing and that will be a cause of his repenting and following the straight path. Or you could send a wise person to do that. You have to avoid situations and places that may cause 4

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doubts and suspicion, because that person may take them as a means to confirm his suspicions. You have to be patient and turn to Allaah, calling upon Him, and Allaah will grant you relief from what you are facing. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 45671: Is it haraam to cut down lotus trees? Question: Is it haraam to cut down lotus trees? I am the one who planted it, but now I do not want it in that place. Is it permissible for me to cut it down?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The prohibition on cutting down lotus trees has been narrated in several ahaadeeth concerning whose isnaads there was some debate among the scholars. Some of the scholars classed them as saheeh. The correct view concerning this prohibition – after establishing that the reports are sound – is that it applies only to two things: cutting down trees that provide shade, and cutting down lotus trees within the limits of the Haram (the Sanctuary of Makkah). With regard to any other trees that a person may have planted in his home or garden, there is no sin in cutting them down. Ibn al-Qayyim said, under the heading of Kulliyyaat fi’lMawdoo’aat: “An example of that is the ahaadeeth which praise celibacy, all of which are false, and the ahaadeeth which 5

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forbid cutting down lotus trees. Al-‘Aqeeli said: There are no saheeh reports about cutting down lotus trees. And Ahmad said: There is no saheeh hadeeth concerning that.” Al-Manaar al-Muneef, p. 117, 118 But Shaykh al-Albaani classed some of these ahaadeeth as hasan, such as the following: 1 – It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Those who cut down lotus trees will be thrown headfirst into Hellfire.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi, 6/140; classed as hasan by alAlbaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1696. 2 – It was narrated from Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaydah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who cuts down a lotus tree, Allaah will throw him headfirst into Hellfire.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi, 6/141; classed as hasan by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 615. He said – following the hadeeth quoted above: Abu Dawood interpreted it by saying: this hadeeth is concise, and is what it means is that whoever cuts down a lotus tree in the open desert that wayfarers and animals use for shade, merely for sport and to wrong others unlawfully, then Allaah will throw him headfirst into Hellfire. Al-Tahhaawi was of the view that this is abrogated, and he quoted as evidence the fact that it was narrated that ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr – one of the narrators of this hadeeth – cut down a lotus tree. I say: the most likely interpretation in my view is that this 6

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applies only to cutting down the lotus trees in the Haram, as is explained by the comment added by al-Tabaraani to the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Habashi: “i.e., the lotus trees of the Haram.” This dispels any confusion; praise be to Allaah. Then I learned that al-Suyooti had reached this conclusion before me, in his essay Raf ’ al-Hadhr fi Qat’ al-Sidr (Dispelling confusion concerning the prohibition on cutting down of lotus trees) (al-Haawi li’l-Fataawi, vol. 2, p. 212). Those who wish to learn more may refer to this essay, in which other isnaads of the hadeeth are mentioned. In conclusion: the ahaadeeth which forbid the cutting down of lotus trees are either da’eef (weak) hadeeths which are not valid, or they are hasan and may be interpreted as referring to two things: 1 – cutting down lotus trees that people use for shade, for sport and for no useful purpose. 2 – Cutting down the lotus trees in the Haram. Based on this, there is no sin on you if you cut down this tree that you had planted, so long as you did not plant it by the road for people to use for shade. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 11413: Islamic rights Question: What are the most important rights that are respected in Islam? 7

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Islamic rights are many, among the most important of which are the following: The rights of Allaah The blessings of Allaah to His slaves are innumerable. Every blessing deserves thanks. The rights of Allaah upon His slaves are many, the most important of which include the following: 1. Tawheed, which means believing that Allaah is One in His Essence, His names, His attributes and His deeds. So we should believe that Allaah alone is the Lord, the Sovereign, the Controller, the Creator, the Provider, in Whose hand is Dominion and He is Able to do all things: “Blessed be He in Whose Hand is the dominion; and He is Able to do all things”[al-Mulk 67:1 – interpretation of the meaning] 2. ‘Ibaadah (worship), which means worshipping Allaah alone because He is their Lord, Creator and Provider. So all kinds of worship should be devoted to Him alone, such as du’aa’ (supplication), dhikr (remembering Allaah), seeking help, humbling oneself, submitting, hope and fear, vows, sacrifices, and so on. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship)” [al-Nisaa’ 4:36] 3. Shukr (gratitude, giving thanks), for Allaah is the One Who bestows favours and blessings upon all of creation, so they have to show their gratitude for these blessings on their lips and in their hearts and in their physical 8

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actions, by praising Allaah and using these blessings to obey Allaah and in ways that Allaah has permitted: “Therefore remember Me (by praying, glorifying). I will remember you, and be grateful to Me (for My countless Favours on you) and never be ungrateful to Me [al-Baqarah 2:152 – interpretation of the meaning] The rights of the Messenger The sending of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is a great blessing for all of mankind. Allah sent him to bring mankind forth from darkness into light, and to show them that which will bring them happiness in this world and in the Hereafter. Among the rights that the Messenger has over us are that we should love him, obey him and send blessings upon him. Loving him (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is achieved by obeying his commands and believing what he told us, avoiding that which he forbade and not worshipping Allaah except in the ways that he prescribed. Parent’s rights Islam pays special attention to the family and encourages love and respect within it. The parents are the basis and foundation of the family, hence honouring one’s parents is one of the best deeds and one of the most beloved actions to Allaah. Honouring one’s parents is achieved by obeying them, respecting them, being humble towards them, treating them kindly, spending on them, praying for them, upholding ties of kinship with those to whom one is related through them, and honouring their friends: “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but 9

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Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents”[al-Israa’ 17:23] The rights of the mother in this regard are greater, because she is the one who bears the child, gives birth to him and breastfeeds him. A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, who is most deserving of my good companionship?” He said, “Your mother.” He said, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He said, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He said, “Then who?” He said, “Your father.” (Agreed upon. This version was narrated by al-Bukhaari, al-Adab, 78) The rights of one Muslim over another The believers are brothers and are an integrated nation, like a building parts of which support other parts. They treat one another with mercy and compassion, and love one another. In order to preserve this building and this brotherhood, Allaah has prescribed rights which each Muslim has over his fellow Muslim. These include love, sincerity (naseehah), relieving his distress, concealing his mistakes, supporting him when he is in the right, respecting neighbours and honouring guests. These rights also include returning greetings of salaam, visiting the sick, accepting invitations, saying “yarhamuk Allaah (may Allaah have mercy on you) to a Muslim when he sneezes, and attending his funeral. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The rights of one Muslim over another are five: returning the greeting of salaam, saying ‘yarhamuk Allaah (may Allaah have mercy on you)’ when he sneezes, accepting invitations, visiting the sick and attending funerals.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2625) 10

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Neighbour’s rights Islam pays attention to the issue of neighbours, whether they are Muslim or not, because of the interests served by that in making the nation like one body. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Jibreel kept on enjoining the good treatment of neighbours to the extent that I thought that he would include neighbours as heirs.” (Agreed upon. Narrated by Muslim, 2625) Among the rights of one neighbour over another as affirmed by Islam are the initiation of greetings, visiting him if he is sick, offering condolences if calamity befalls him, congratulating him at times of joy, overlooking his mistakes, concealing his faults, bearing his annoyance with patience, giving him gifts, lending him money if he needs it, lowering one’s gaze from looking at his womenfolk, and guiding him to that which will benefit him in his religious and worldly affairs. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of companions with Allaah is the one who is best to his companion, and the best of neighbours with Him is the one who is best to his neighbour.”(Narrated by al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 115) Concerning neighbours’ rights, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, Al-Masaakeen (the poor), the neighbour who is near of kin, the neighbour who is a stranger, the companion by your side…”[alNisaa’ 4:36] Islam warns against annoying one’s neighbours or treating them badly. The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained that this would lead to being 11

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deprived of Paradise: “He will not enter Paradise from whose harm his neighbour is not safe.” (Agreed upon. Narrated by Muslim, 64). In order to achieve the common interest, Islam gives rights to the ruler over his subjects and to the subjects over their ruler, and its gives the husband rights over his wife and the wife rights over her husband, and there are other just rights which Islam has enjoined. From Usool al-Deen al-Islami, by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem al-Tuwayjri (www.islam-qa.com) 20811: Speaking after ‘Isha prayer is makrooh Question: I have read in numerous places and books that after isha salat it isn’t allowed for muslims to talk to others except for certain cases. However, where i live, the salat in the masjid is held at the earliest possible time for isha instead of the latest possible time. How would one reconcile this problem. ALso, is it allowed to talk after isha?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is makrooh to speak after ‘Isha’ prayer unless that is for a reason, or speaking about some good topic, because it was narrated in al-Saheehayn from Abi Barzah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to dislike sleeping before ‘Isha’ and speaking afterwards. Narrated by alBukhaari, 568; Muslim, 647. Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his commentary: 12

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The scholars said: The reason for it being makrooh to sleep beforehand is that one risks missing the prayer by sleeping too deeply, or one risks missing the preferred and best time for the prayer, and lest the people take this matter lightly and sleep and miss the prayer in congregation. The reason why it is makrooh to speak afterwards is because that leads to people staying up late at night and there is the fear that sleep may then prevent them from praying qiyaam al-layl and making dhikr, or from praying Fajr during the permissible time or the best and preferred time. And because staying up late at night is a cause of laziness during the day with regard to religious duties, acts of worship and worldly interests. The scholars said: the kind of speech that is makrooh after ‘Isha’ is that which serves no interest. As for speech which serves a good interest, it is not makrooh, such as studying, telling stories of the righteous, speaking to a guest or to a bride to put them at their ease, a man speaking kindly to his wife and children or for a reason, speaking to travellers about protecting them or their luggage, speaking to reconcile people and intercede with them for a good purpose, enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil, guiding people to do good, etc. All of these are not makrooh. There are saheeh ahaadeeth which speak of some of the things we have mentioned, and the rest come under the same heading. What is meant by it being makrooh to speak after ‘Isha’ is speaking after praying ‘Isha’, not after the time for ‘Isha’ begins. The scholars are agreed that it is makrooh to speak after the prayer except speech in which there is goodness, as we have mentioned above. And he said in his book al-Adhkaar (p. 533): With regard to the ahaadeeth which indicate a concession 13

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allowing speaking about the things mentioned above, there are many such reports. For example, the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Umar in al-Saheehayn which says that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) prayed ‘Isha’ at the end of his life, and when he had said the salaam he said: “Do you see this night of yours? One hundred years from now, no one who is on the face of the earth today will be left.” And it was reported in al-Saheehayn from Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) delayed the prayer until it was nearly midnight, then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went out and led them in prayer. When he finished his prayer he said to those who were with him: “Wait a moment. Receive the glad tidings that by the blessing of Allaah to you, no one has prayed at this hour except you.” In Saheeh al-Bukhaari it is narrated from Anas that they waited for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and he came to them when it was nearly midnight and led them in prayer, meaning ‘Isha’. [Anas] said: Then he addressed us, saying, “The people have prayed then gone to bed, but you have still been in a state of prayer so long as you were waiting for the prayer.” Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated that he stayed overnight in the house of his maternal aunt Maymoonah and said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) prayed ‘Isha’, then he went in and spoke with his wife. ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn Abi Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with him) narrated the story of his visitors and how he stayed away from them until he prayed ‘Isha’, then he came and spoke to them and to his wife and son. These two hadeeth are in al-Saheehayn, and there are many 14

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similar reports, more than can be listed, but what we have quoted here is enough, praise be to Allaah. To sum up the above: Speaking after ‘Isha’ prayer is permissible and is not makrooh if it serves a purpose. But if it serves no useful purpose then it is makrooh, but is not haraam, unless the speech itself is haraam such as backbiting and gossip. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 30761: Ruling on using newspapers as a “tablecloth” Question: Is it permissible to use newspapers as a “tablecloth” to eat from? If that is not permissible, what should we do with them after reading them?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible to use newspapers as a “tablecloth” to eat from, or to wrap things in, or to treat them in any other kind of abusive manner, if they contain any verses from Qur’aan or mention of Allaah. If that is the case they should be kept in a suitable place, or burned, or buried in clean ground. Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi’ah li’lShaykh Ibn Baaz, 6/347 15

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But if the newspapers are in a language other than Arabic and there is no mention of Allaah in them, then it is permissible to use them. And Allaah knows best. Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid‘ (www.islamqa.com) 22170: Conditions of permissible joking Question: What are the conditions for joking to be permissible? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 1 – It not should not involve any element of making fun of Islam. That is one of the things that nullify a person’s Islam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “If you ask them (about this), they declare: ‘We were only talking idly and joking.’ Say: ‘Was it at Allaah, and His Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses, lessons, signs, revelations, etc.) and His Messenger that you were mocking?’ Make no excuse; you disbelieved after you had believed”[al-Tawbah 9:65-66] Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Making fun of Allaah, His Signs and His Messenger is kufr (disbelief) and the one who does that disbelieves thereby after he had believed.” 16

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The same applies to making fun of some Sunnahs, an action which is widespread, such as making fun of the beard and the hijaab, or of shortening one’s garment, etc. Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen said in al-Majmoo’ al-Thameen, 1/63: “The matters of Divine Lordship, Prophethood, Revelation and religion are sacred matters which are to be venerated. It is not permissible for anyone to show disrespect towards them, whether by mocking them to make others laugh or to poke fun at them. If anyone does that, he is a kaafir, because this is indicative of his disrespect towards Allaah and His Messengers, Books and Laws. Whoever does that has to repent to Allaah for what he has done, because that is a kind of hypocrisy. So he has to repent to Allaah, seek His forgiveness, mend his ways and develop fear of Allaah, veneration towards Him and love for Him in his heart. And Allaah is the Source of strength. 2 – The jokes should only be truthful. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Woe to the one who tells lies to make people laugh, woe to him.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, warning against this kind of behaviour which some jokers are accustomed to: “A man may say something to make his companions laugh, and he will fall into Hell as far as the Pleiades because of it.” (Narrated by Ahmad). 3 – Not scaring people Especially those who are very energetic or strong, or who are holding a weapon or a piece of iron, or who take advantage of the darkness and people’s weakness to use 17

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that as a means of scaring and alarming them. It was narrated that Abu Layla said: “The companions of Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said that they were travelling with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and a man among them fell asleep. Some of them got a rope and tied him up, and he got scared. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘It is not permissible for a Muslim to frighten another Muslim.’” (Narrated by Abu Dawood). 4 – Mocking people by winking behind their backs or making snide remarks People vary in their ability to understand things and in their characters. Some weak people, those who like to make fun of others and wink behind their backs or make snide remarks, may find a person to be an object of fun for them and the butt of their jokes – Allaah forbid. Allaah has forbidden such behaviour in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Let not a group scoff at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former. Nor let (some) women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former. Nor defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. How bad is it to insult one’s brother after having Faith” [al-Hujuraat 49:11] Ibn Katheer said in his Tafseer: “What is meant here is looking down on them, belittling them or making fun of them. This is haraam and is counted as one of the characteristics of the hypocrites.” Some people make fun of a person’s appearance, manner of walking or vehicle. But there is the fear that Allaah may requite the one who makes fun of others because of 18

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that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Do not express malicious joy towards your brother’s misfortune, for Allaah may have mercy on him and you may be stricken by the thing you made fun of.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned against mocking people and hurting their feelings, because that is the path that leads to hatred and grudges. He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Muslim is the brother of another Muslim, he does not wrong him, let him down or look down upon him. Taqwa (piety, awareness and fear of Allaah) is here” – and he pointed to his chest three times – “It is sufficient evil for a man to look down upon his Muslim brother. Every Muslim is sacred to another Muslim, his blood, his property and his honour.” (Narrated by Muslim) 5 – The jokes should not be excessive. Some people joke too much and it becomes a habit for them. This is the opposite of the serious nature which is the characteristic of the believers. Joking is a break, a rest from ongoing seriousness and striving; it is a little relaxation for the soul. ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Fear joking, for it is folly and generates grudges.” Imaam al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The kind of joking which is forbidden is that which is excessive and persistent, for it leads to too much laughter and hardening of the heart, it distracts from remembrance of Allaah, and it often leads to hurt feelings, generates hatred and causes people to lose respect and dignity. But whoever is safe from such dangers, then that which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to do is permissible for him.” 6 – Acknowledging people’s status 19

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Some people may joke with everyone indiscriminately, but scholars and the elderly have rights, so you have to be aware of the character of the person with whom you are dealing. You should not joke with ignorant people, fools or people whom you do not know. With regard to this matter, ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez said: “Fear joking, for it undermines chivalry and manliness.” Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas said: “Set a limit to your jokes, for going to extremes makes you lose respect and incites the foolish against you.” 7 – The amount of joking should be like the amount of salt in one’s food. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not laugh too much, for laughing too much deadens the heart.” (Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7312) ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “Whoever laughs too much or jokes too much loses respect, and whoever persists in doing something will be known for it.” So beware of joking, for it “causes a person to lose face after he was thought of as respectable, and it brings him humiliation after esteem.” 8 – It should not involve backbiting. This is a foul sickness. Some people think that they can talk about others, and say that this is by way of joking, but it is included in the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “[Backbiting is] your mentioning about your brother something that he dislikes.” (Narrated by Muslim) 9 – Choosing appropriate times for joking. 20

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Such as when you are taking a trip in the countryside, or attending a party in the evening, or when meeting a friend, you may relax and enjoy some gentle anecdotes, nice stories or light jokes, in order to generate friendship and instill happiness in the heart; or when family problems are taking their toll and one of the spouses is angry, some gentle joking may relieve the tension and cheer people up. O Muslim, A man said to Sufyaan ibn ‘Uyaynah (may Allaah be pleased with him), “Joking is not right, it is to be denounced.” He replied, “Rather it is Sunnah, but only for those who know how to do it and do it at the appropriate time.” Nowadays, although the ummah needs to increase the love between its individual members and to relieve itself of boredom, it has gone too far with regard to relaxation, laughter and jokes. This has become a habit which fills their gatherings and wastes their time, so their lives are wasted and their newspapers are filled with jokes and trivia. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If you knew what I know, you would laugh little and weep much.” In Fath al-Baari it says: “What is meant by knowledge here has to do with the might of Allaah and His vengeance upon those who disobey Him, and the terrors that occur at death, in the grave and on the Day of Resurrection). Muslim men and women have to be inclined to choose righteous and serious friends in their lives, who will help them to make good use of their time and strive for the sake of Allaah with seriousness and steadfastness, good and righteous people whose example they can follow. 21

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Bilaal ibn Sa’d said: “I saw them [the Sahaabah] jokingly pretending to fight over some goods, and laughing with one another, but when night came they were like monks.” Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) was asked, “Did the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) laugh?” He said, “Yes, and the faith in their hearts was like mountains.” So you have to follow the example of such people, who were knights by day and monks (i.e., devoted worshippers) by night. May Allaah keep us, you and our parents safe on the Day of the Greatest Terror, those to whom the call will go out on that great Day: “Enter Paradise, no fear shall be on you, nor shall you grieve” [al-A’raaf 7:49 – interpretation of the meaning] May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad and all his family and companions. By ‘Abd al-Malik al-Qaasim. (www.islam-qa.com) 8185: Advice to those who visit chat rooms Question: There are now a large number of chat sites and there are many people who participate in them. What advice can you give to those who visit chat rooms, whether to read or to join in? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Yes, there are indeed many chat rooms on the Internet, 22

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and many people who visit them. There follow some points of advice for those who read them and those who write on them. - Sincerity towards Allaah. Every person will die and what he writes during his lifetime will remain. So strive not to write anything except things that you will be pleased to see on the Day of Resurrection. There is no good in doing anything that is not intended to please Allaah. - The ordinary person who is not a specialist has to choose sites that are sound and useful, and avoid the sites of the followers of bid’ah and bad sites. - Boycott sites of the people of bid’ah and sites which mostly contain bid’ah, because participation and discussion are the lifeblood of these sites. It is not permissible to promote the people of bid’ah; we must cause their names to die out and strive to prevent them from becoming well known. The reaction of some of the Ahl al-Sunnah may have the opposite effect. It is not permissible for the ordinary Muslim to read the sites of the people of bid’ah with the motive of just looking or of discussing without knowledge. He should leave it to those who are qualified to deal with it. There is nothing wrong with his telling the scholars about what the innovators are saying, then transmitting the scholars’ response. - Reminding the owners of “mixed-up” sites (sites which indicate confusion between Sunnah and bid’ah) of Allaah and of the fact that it is not permissible for them to allow innovators or authors of false opinions to spread those views through their site. - The seekers of knowledge (students of sharee’ah) have to support their brothers who have taken on the task of refuting the people of bid’ah who rely on their large numbers; if one of them writes something, ten others 23

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applaud and praise him, and condemn the one whose view he is refuting. - It is important for shaykhs, writers and well-known people to take part in these groups. - It is not essential for the scholar to join in directly. That may take up too much of his time. It is sufficient for some of his trustworthy students to convey information from him. - Beware of wasting time. Many students have let these chat rooms take up too much of their time. It is not necessary to refute every single bleat and every single foolish notion. It is sufficient to note the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Part of a man’s being a good Muslim is that he should leave alone that which does not concern him.” - Being aware of the importance of spending time in teaching the Muslims and that calling them to Allaah takes priority over refuting this one and that one. Let us leave these refutations for situations where it is essential, such as when one of the people of bid’ah stirs up doubts or says something false and no one else is refuting him – in that case someone has to refute him. - The person who enters chat rooms has to realize that he is dealing with a large number of unknown persons and that the margin of trust when dealing with people who are not using their real names is very thin indeed. - We advise the enthusiastic youth not to indulge in matters of which they do not have knowledge. Regarding the matter of giving fatwas without knowledge, it is sufficient for us to note the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning) “And on the Day of Resurrection you will see those who 24

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lied against Allaah (i.e. attributed to Him sons, partners) their faces will be black” [al-Zumar 39:60] - Adhere to the etiquette dictated by Islam and restrain the tongue (and the pen or writing is regarded as one of the two “tongues”). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And say to My slaves (i.e. the true believers of Islamic Monotheism) that they should (only) say those words that are the best. (Because) Shaytaan (Satan) verily, sows a state of conflict and disagreements among them. Surely, Shaytaan (Satan) is to man a plain enemy” [al-Israa’ 17:53] And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2896: What Ruling on killing mice and rats, and a comment on the character Mickey Mouse Question: What Ruling on killing mice and rats ? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is nothing wrong with killing mice and rats, because ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them both) narrated that Hafsah said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 25

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“There are five animals for which there is no blame on the one who kills them: crows, kites (hawk-like birds), mice/rats, scorpions and mad dogs.” Narrated by alBukhaari, 1828. (Translators’ note: the Arabic word fa’rah may refer to rats or mice, so both are mentioned in the translation). Al-Qaasim ibn Muhammad said: I heard ‘Aa’ishah, the wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), say: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “There are four things which are faasiq (corrupt) and may be killed at all times, whether one is in a state of ihraam [for Hajj and ‘Umrah] or not: kites, crows, mice/rats and mad dogs.” Narrated by Muslim, 1198. Mice and rats are harmful creatures, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained: Ibn ‘Abbaas said: a mouse (or rat) came and started dragging the wick (of the lamp). It threw it in front of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), onto the mat on which he was sitting, and it burnt a hole the size of a dirham. He said, “When you go to sleep, extinguish your lamps, for the Shaytaan will tell creatures like this to do something like this so that you will be burned.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 5427. The mice or rats that may live in people’s houses are among the harmful creatures or vermin (fuwaysiqah) which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded us to kill in all situations, whether we are in ihraam or not. The root of the word fuwaysiqah (fasaqa) means to deviate from the right way and to do harm; hence a sinner is described as “faasiq”, and these animals are called fawaasiq, as a metaphor for their evil nature; or it was said that it is because it is not haraam to 26

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kill them, whether one is in ihraam or not, for they have no sanctity or protection in any circumstances. Al-Tahaawi narrated in Ahkaam al-Qur’aan with his isnaad from Yazeed ibn Abu Nu’aym that he [Yazeed] asked Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri why mice/rats were called fuwaysiqah. He said: the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) woke up one night and saw that a mouse/rat had taken the wick of the lamp to burn down the house of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), so he got up and killed it, and said that it was permissible to kill them whether one is in ihraam or not. This was mentioned by al-‘Allaamah al-Dumayri. Al-Bukhaari and Muslim narrated in their Saheehs that Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari said: A house in Madeenah burned down with its people inside. When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) heard about this, he said: “This fire is an enemy to you, so when you go to sleep, extinguish it.” Al-Bukhaari narrated that Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Cover the vessels, for the mouse/rat may drag out the wick (of the lamp) and burn the occupants of the house.” Something similar was narrated by Muslim, in which he says: “For the fuwaysiqah may start a fire and burn the house and its occupants.” Al-Tabari said, explaining these ahaadeeth: if a person wants to spend the night in a house in which there is no one else, and in which there is a fire or a lamp, it is a duty on him to extinguish it before he sleeps… The hadeeth was narrated by al-Haakim; he said its isnaad is saheeh. 27

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(From ‘Awn al-Ma’bood Sharh Abi Dawood). Now that we know Islam calls mice and rats fuwaysiqah (evil) and allows us to kill them even in Makkah, and that they are a means which the Shaytaan tried to use to burn down the house of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and we know that they are one of the main reasons of damaging food and spreading the plague, we find it very strange that the foolish people in the west seek to make their children like mice and rats by propagating the character of Mickey Mouse in games, comics and funfairs. Go figure!! And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 4893: There is no Harm in Joking as long as it is Truthful Question: Assalamu alaikum What is the ruling concerning joking? Is it considered useless and vain speech? Note that it does not contain any ridiculing of the religion. Jazakum allah alf Khair Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Wa ‘alaykum al-salaam wa rahmat-Allaahi wa barakaatuhu. 28

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There is no harm in joking by words and anecdotes, if they are truthful and real, especially if it is not done often. The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to joke but he would only speak the truth. If it is with lying, then it is not allowed. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Woe to the one who speaks and tells a lie in order to make the people laugh at it. Woe to him. Then again, woe to him.” This was recorded by Abu Dawud, al-Tirmidhi and alNasal with a good chain. Shaikh ibn Baz (www.islam-qa.com)

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Chapter 2 forbidden expressions 42054: There is nothing wrong with using the expression “by chance” Question: Is it permissible to use the expression “by chance”, such as saying, “I went to the market and I met So and so by chance”? Is this phrase “by chance” haraam or does it constitute shirk (associating others with Allaah)? What should I say instead of this? Please advise me, may Allaah reward you with good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is nothing wrong with using the phrase “by chance,” because what the speaker means is that he met that person without a prior agreement to meet, and without intending to do so; he does not mean that this meeting happened without the decree of Allaah. The use of this expression (sudfatan in Arabic) is mentioned in some ahaadeeth, such as that narrated by Muslim (2144) from Anas who said: I set out with him (i.e., with ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Abi Talhah) to go to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and we met him by chance and he was carrying a branding iron…

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Abu Dawood (142) narrated that Laqeet ibn Sabrah said: I came among the delegation of Banu’l-Muntafiq to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). When we came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) it so happened that we did not find him in his house but by chance ‘Aa’ishah the Mother of the Believers was there…. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. It says in Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (3/393): The expression used by many people, “I met So and so by chance” etc is not haraam and does not constitute shirk, because what is meant is meeting him without a prior appointment or agreement to meet, for example, and there is nothing wrong with this meaning. Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen was asked: What is your opinion on using the expression “by chance”? He replied: We think that there is nothing wrong with this expression. This is a customary expression which is mentioned in several ahaadeeth: We met the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) by chance, etc. With regard to people’s actions, things do happen by chance, because people have no knowledge of the Unseen and a thing may happen without a person realizing it or doing the things that lead to it or expecting it. But with regard to the actions of Allaah, this is not the case, for everything is known to Allaah and everything is decreed by Him. With regard to Him nothing ever happens by chance, but with regard to you and me, we may meet without prior arrangement and without realizing or planning it. This is what we call chance, and there is 31

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nothing wrong with that. But with regard to the actions of Allaah, this word cannot be used. Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 3/117 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 36674: Ruling on cursing specific people Question: What is the ruling on cursing (and not just insulting) the Jews and Christians or other groups, whether living or dead? May Allaah reward you with good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The author of Lisaan al-‘Arab [a famous Arabic-language dictionary – Translator] said: La’n (curse) means being cast out far from goodness, and it was said that it means being cast away far from Allaah, and from people. Cursing happens in two ways: Cursing the kuffaar and sin in general terms, such as saying “May Allaah curse the Jews and Christians,” or “May Allaah curse the kaafirs, evildoers and wrongdoers,” or “May Allaah curse the wine-drinker and thief.” This kind of curse is permissible and there is nothing wrong with it. Ibn Muflih said in al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah, 1/203: “It is permissible to curse the kuffaar in general.” The second is where the curse is applied to a specific 32

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person, whether he is a kaafir or an evildoer, such as saying, “May Allaah curse So and so,” mentioning him by name. This may fall into one of two categories: 1 – Where there is a text which states that he is cursed, such as Iblees, or where there is a text which states that he died as a kaafir, such as Pharaoh, Abu Lahab and Abu Jahl. Cursing such persons is permitted. Ibn Muflih said in al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah, 1/214: “It is permissible to curse those concerning whom there is a text stating that they are cursed, but there is no sin involved if one does not do this.” 2 – Cursing a particular kaafir or evildoer concerning whom there is no text stating that they are cursed – such as wine-drinkers, those who offer sacrifices to anything other than Allaah, the one who curses his parents, those who introduce innovations in religion, and so on. “The scholars differed as to whether it is permissible to curse these people, and there are three points of view: (i) That it is not permissible under any circumstances (ii) That it is permissible in the case of a kaafir but not of a (Muslim) evildoer (iii) That it is permissible in all cases.” Al-Adaab al_Shar’iyyah by Ibn Muflih, 1/303 Those who say that it is not permissible quoted a number of texts as evidence, including the following: 1 – The report narrated by al-Bukhaari (4070) from ‘AbdAllaah ibn ‘Umar, that he heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), when he raised his head from rukoo’ in the final rak’ah of Fajr prayer and said: “O Allaah, curse So and so, and So and 33

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so, and So and so,” after he had said, “Sami’a Allaahu li man hamdih, Rabbana wa laka’l-hamd.” Then Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning): “Not for you (O Muhammad, but for Allaah) is the decision; whether He turns in mercy to (pardons) them or punishes them; verily, they are the Zaalimoon (polytheists, disobedients and wrongdoers)” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:128] 2 – The report narrated by al-Bukhaari (6780) from ‘Umar, that there was a man at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) whose name was ‘Abd-Allaah, but his nickname was Himaar (donkey), and he used to make the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) laugh. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had had him flogged for drinking, then he was brought one day and he commanded that he be flogged, and a man who was there said, “O Allaah, curse him, how often he is brought [for this reason]!” But the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not curse him, for by Allaah what I a know about him is that he loves Allaah and His Messenger.” Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said in Majmoo’ alFataawa, 6/511. It is permissible to curse all those whom Allaah and His Messenger have cursed, but as for cursing specific people, if it is known that the person died in kufr, then it is permissible to curse him. But with regard to a specific [Muslim] evildoer, we should not curse him, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade cursing ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Himaar who used to drink wine, even though he had cursed the wine-drinkers in general; however cursing a specific person if he is an 34

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evildoer or promoter of bid’ah is a point of dispute among the scholars. And Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said in al-Qawl al-Mufeed, 1/226. The difference between cursing a specific person and cursing those who commit sin in general is that the former (cursing a specific person) is not allowed, and the latter (cursing the people who commit sin in general) is allowed. So if you see an innovator, you do not say, ‘May Allaah curse you,’ rather say, ‘May the curse of Allaah be upon those who introduce innovations,’ in general terms. The evidence for that is the fact that when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed some people among the mushrikeen and followers of jaahiliyyah and said: “O Allaah, curse So and so, and So and so, and So and so,” he was told not to do that when Allaah said (interpretation of the meaning): “Not for you (O Muhammad, but for Allaah) is the decision; whether He turns in mercy to (pardons) them or punishes them; verily, they are the Zaalimoon (polytheists, disobedients and wrongdoers)” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:128] This was narrated by al-Bukhaari. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 31900: No one is described as the khaleefah of Allaah Question: I have read in some books the phrase, “You, O Muslims,

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are the khaleefahs of Allaah on His earth.” What is the ruling on this phrase?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. This phrase is not correct in its meaning, because Allaah is the Creator of all things, and His is the Dominion, and He is not absent from His creation and Dominion so that He would appoint a khaleefah on His earth. Rather Allaah appoints some people as khaleefahs of part of the earth. Every time an individual, group or nation is destroyed He appoints another as a khaleefah to succeed them (yakhlaf) in populating the earth, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And it is He Who has made you generations coming after generations, replacing each other on the earth. And He has raised you in ranks, some above others that He may try you in that which He has bestowed on you” [alAn’aam 6:165] “They said: ‘We (Children of Israel) had suffered troubles before you came to us, and since you have come to us.’ He said: ‘It may be that your Lord will destroy your enemy and make you successors on the earth, so that He may see how you act’” [al-A’raaf 7:129] “And (remember) when your Lord said to the angels: ‘Verily, I am going to place (mankind) generations after generations on earth’” [al-Baqarah 2:30] i.e., a kind of creation that would succeed those of His creatures who came before. 36

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From Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 1/33 Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book al-Adhkaar: Chapter on words that it is makrooh to use. The ruler who looks after the Muslims’ affairs should not be described as the “khaleefah of Allaah,” rather he should be called the khaleefah (caliph), and the khaleefah (successor) of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and Ameer alMu’mineen (Commander of the Faithful, leader of the believers). It was narrated from Ibn Abi Mulaykah that a man said to Abu Bakr al-Siddeeq (may Allaah be pleased with him): “O khaleefah of Allaah!” He said, “I am the khaleefah of Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and I am content with that.” And a man said to Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him): “O khaleefah of Allaah!” He said: “Woe to you, you have gone too far! My mother called me ‘Umar, so if you call me by this name I will accept that. Then I grew older and was given the nickname of Abu Hafs, so if you call me by this name I will accept that. Then I was appointed in charge of your affairs and they called me Ameer al-Mu’mineen, so if you call me by this name I will accept that.” The imam and great qaadi Abu’l-Hasan al-Maawirdi alBasri, the Shaafa’i faqeeh, stated in his book al-Ahkaam al-Sultaaniyyah that the imam (ruler) may be called a khaleefah, because he has succeeded the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in ruling his ummah. He said: So it is permissible to call him khaleefah, or the khaleefah of the Messenger of Allaah. 37

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He said: But they differed as to whether it is permissible for us to call him the khaleefah of Allaah. Some of them said it is permissible because he implements the laws of Allaah among His creation, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “He it is Who has made you successors generations after generations in the earth” [Faatir 35:39]. But the majority of scholars said that this is not allowed, and they counted the one who says that as being among the wrongdoers. This is the view of al-Maawirdi. End quote, from the words of al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him). And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 31916: Is it correct to say “My dear father”? Question: If a person writes a letter and says in it “To my dear (‘azeez) father” or “my dear (kareem – lit. noble) brother”, is there anything wrong with that?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: There is nothing wrong with this and in fact it is permissible. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Verily, there has come unto you a Messenger (Muhammad) from amongst yourselves. It grieves him 38

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that you should receive any injury or difficulty. He (Muhammad) is anxious over you; for the believers (he is) full of pity, kind, and merciful” [al-Tawbah 9:128] “and she has a great throne” [al-Naml 27:23] And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Al-kareem (the good and noble one) son of al-kareem son of al-kareem is Yoosuf.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3390. This indicates that these words may be used to describe Allaah and to describe others, but when they are used with regard to Allaah, that cannot be likened to their use with regard to created things, because the attributes of the Creator befit Him and the attributes of created things suit them. If a person calls his father or mother ‘azeez, it means “you are precious to me” and so on; it does not mean at all what the word means in reference to Allaah, which is ‘izzah (might, pride) by virtue of which none can subdue Him. From Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), 3/68. (www.islam-qa.com) 34684: The expressions “I urge you”, “Greetings”, “Good morning”, “Good evening” Question: What is your opinion on the expressions “I urge you”, “Greetings”, “Good morning”, “Good evening”?. 39

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: There is nothing wrong with saying to someone “I urge you” concerning a matter in which he can do something to help you. Similarly it is acceptable to say “I send you my greetings” and the like, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally” [al-Nisa’ 4:86] The words “Good morning” and “Good evening” are also acceptable, so long as they are not taken as an alternative to the greeting of salaam that is prescribed in sharee’ah. From Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), 3/70. (www.islam-qa.com) 34698: Is it correct for a speaker to say, “My beloved for the sake of the Messenger of Allaah”? Question: We hear some people using the phrase, “My beloved for the sake of the Messenger of Allaah”. Is this usage correct?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 40

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Although the speaker may appear to mean something correct, which is that you and I have been brought together by our love for the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), this expression is contrary to what is taught in the Sunnah, because the hadeeth says, “Those who love for the sake of Allaah and hate for the sake of Allaah.” So what he should say is, “My beloved for the sake of Allaah.” The expression asked about implies turning away from what the salaf used to say, and it may be indicative of exaggeration concerning the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and negligence towards Allaah. What is well known – in the Sunnah – and from our scholars and the good people is that one should say, “I love you for the sake of Allaah.” Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), 3/68. (www.islam-qa.com) 34735: The expression “May you live forever” Question: Is it permissible to say to someone, “May you live forever”?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Saying ‘May you live forever’ is a kind of transgression in du’aa’, because living forever is impossible and is contrary to what Allaah says. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 41

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“Whatsoever is on it (the earth) will perish. And the Face of your Lord full of Majesty and Honour will remain forever” [al-Rahmaan 55:26] “And We granted not to any human being immortality before you (O Muhammad); then if you die, would they live forever?” [al-Anbiya’ 21:34] From Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), 3/69. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 41625: Saying “May Allaah give you a long life” Question: What is the ruling on saying “May Allaah give you a long life”?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: We should not wish people a long life, because a long life may be good or bad, and the worst of people are those who live a long life and continue to do evil deeds. Based on this, if one says, “May Allaah give you a long life of obedience to Him,” and the like, there is nothing wrong with that. 42

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Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), 3/71. (www.islamqa.com) 42401: Expressions used to refer to one who has died Question: What is your opinion on the words that some people say: “Fulaan al-marhoom (So and so upon whom Allaah has mercy?),” “May Allaah shower him with His Mercy,” and “He has gone to the mercy of Allaah?”. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: There is nothing wrong with saying, “Fulaan al-marhoom (So and so upon whom Allaah has mercy?),” and “May Allaah shower him with His Mercy,” because saying “marhoom (the one on whom Allaah has mercy)” comes under the heading of optimism and hope, not of giving news. If it comes under the heading of optimism and hope, there is nothing wrong with it. With regard to saying “He has gone to the mercy of Allaah,” this also appears to come under the heading of optimism, not of giving news, because this is one of the matters of the unseen, and we cannot be certain of it. But we should not say, “He has gone to join the higher ranks.” From Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), 3/85. (www.islam-qa.com) 43

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41638: The comment of some sinners, “I am free to do what I want” Question: Some sinners, when we denounce them for their sin, say: “I am free to do what I want.” Are these words correct?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “This is wrong. We say: You are not free to disobey Allaah, rather if you disobey your Lord you can no longer call yourself a slave of Allaah because you have become enslaved to the Shaytaan and to whims and desires.” Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), 3/81. (www.islam-qa.com) 41629: Saying “Your Majesty” etc Question: Is it correct to say to some prominent figures “Your Majesty,” “Your Highness”, “I hope,” “I wish” etc?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 44

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There is nothing wrong with it provided that the one to whom you say that deserves it, and there is no fear that this will lead to pride and self-admiration. The same applies to saying, “I hope” and “I wish”. From Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), 3/69. (www.islam-qa.com) 42965: Saying “I seek the protection of the Messenger of Allaah” Question: What is your opinion on one who says, “I believe in Allaah, and I put my trust in Allaah, and I rely on Allaah, and I seek the protection of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)”?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “If someone says, ‘I believe in Allaah, and I put my trust in Allaah, and I rely on Allaah’, there is nothing wrong with that. This is the attitude of every believer – he puts his trust in Allaah, believes in Him and relies on Him. But with regard to the phrase, ‘and I seek the protection of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)’, these are reprehensible words. Seeking the protection of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) after his death is not permissible. Seeking his protection during his lifetime with regard to 45

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matters where he had the ability to do something was permissible. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And if anyone of the Mushrikoon (polytheists, idolaters, pagans, disbelievers in the Oneness of Allaah) seeks your protection then grant him protection so that he may hear the Word of Allaah (the Qur’aan)” [al-Tawbah 9:6] But seeking the protection of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) after his death is major shirk. Anyone who hears someone saying such words should advise him, because he may have heard that from some people and not understand its meaning, but if you tell him and explain to him that this is shirk, Allaah may benefit him at your hands. And Allaah is the Source of strength. From Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), 3/70. (www.islam-qa.com)

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Chapter 3 Sleeping Manners 20847: Is it permissible for a woman to do her household duties when she is junub? Question: Is it permissible for a woman to do her usual household duties such as cooking, looking after the children, and housework, before she does ghusl following intercourse?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is haraam for the person who is junub (in a state of impurity following sexual activity) to pray, perform tawaaf, stay in the mosque, recite Qur’aan or touch the Mushaf. Everything else is permissible. There is nothing wrong with a woman who is junub cooking, looking after her house, taking care of her children or fulfilling any other needs. This is indicated by several pieces of evidence including the following: (a) It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) met him on one of the roads of Madeenah when he was junub. He said: I turned back and went and did ghusl, then I came. He said: “Where were you, O Abu Hurayrah?” I said: “I was junub and I did not like to sit with you when I was not in a state of purity.” He said, “Subhaan Allaah, the Muslim does not become impure.” 47

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Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 279; Muslim, 371. Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said: This indicates that it is permissible to delay doing ghusl from the time when it first becomes obligatory, and that it is permissible for the one who is junub to go about his business. Fath al-Baari, 1/391. It is better for the one who is junub to hasten to do ghusl, lest he forgets that he is junub. And it is recommended for him to do wudoo’ before he touches food and drink and before going to sleep. That is better than doing these things when he is junub. But this wudoo’ is not obligatory, rather it serves to reduce the impurity, and it is mustahabb. There are a number of ahaadeeth concerning that, including the following: (i) It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was junub and wanted to eat or sleep, he would do wudoo’ as for prayer. (Narrated by Muslim, 305). (ii) It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that ‘Umar ibn alKhattaab asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Can one of us go to sleep when he is junub?” He said: “Yes, if he does wudoo’ then he can go to sleep when he is junub.” (narrated by al-Bukhaari, 283; Muslim, 306) Al-Nawawi said: This indicates that it is mustahabb to do wudoo’ and to wash one’s private parts before doing all these things, especially if the man wants to have intercourse with a wife with whom he has not yet had intercourse. It is definitely mustahabb to wash one’s private part. Our companions have stated that it is makrooh to sleep, eat, drink or have intercourse before 48

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doing wudoo’, and these ahaadeeth indicate that. There is no dispute among us that this wudoo’ is not obligatory. This is also the view of Maalik and the majority. Sharh Muslim, 3/217 Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: It is mustahabb for the one who is junub to do wudoo’ if he wants to eat, drink, sleep or have intercourse again, but it is makrooh for him to sleep if he has not done wudoo’. It was proven in al-Saheeh that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked, “Can one of us go to sleep when he is junub?” He said: “Yes, if he does wudoo’ as for prayer…” Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 21/343 See also question no. 6533. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 20943: Is it permissible to sleep with one’s feet towards the qiblah? Question: Is it allowed to sleep with legs directing towards Qibla. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “There is no sin on a person if he sleep with his feet towards the Ka’bah, rather 49

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the fuqaha’ (may Allaah have mercy on them) said: if a sick person cannot stand or sit, he should pray lying on his side with his face towards the qiblah, and if he cannot then he should pray on his back with his feet towards the qiblah.” Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 2/976 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 21388: Sleeping naked Question: Is there any prohibition on sleeping without clothes on, even if one is with one’s wife? Please note that I do not mean during intercourse, rather I mean when going to sleep. May Allaah reward you with good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The ‘awrah must be covered in all circumstances except when necessary, such as when bathing, having intercourse, relieving oneself, etc. But when there is no reason, the ‘awrah must be covered, because of the report narrated by Bahz ibn Hakeem from his father, from his grandfather, who said: “O Messenger of Allaah, what should we do about our ‘awrahs?” He said, “Guard you ‘awrah except from your wives and those whom your right hand possesses (concubines).” He asked, “What about when a man is with another man?” He said, “If you can manage 50

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not to let anyone see it, then do that.” He asked, “What if one of us is alone?’ He said, “Allaah is more deserving that you should feel shy before Him.” (Narrated by alTirmidhi, 2769, and others). Based on the above, it is not permissible for you to sleep with no clothes on that would cover your ‘awrah, whether you are sleeping with or without your wife. Rather it is permissible for you to uncover your ‘awrah only at times of necessity. And Allaah knows best. Answered by Dr. Ahmad al-Khaleel. (www.islam-qa.com) 31762: He loves da’wah but he had a disturbing dream Question: I hope you could help me out with this confusion,I had prayed Istikhara namaz 5 days back.I asked ALLAH if I would be able to convert a non-muslim to a muslim and guide him to the wright path for my love for islam and ALLAH,I am very obsessed with this because it’s my dying wish that i should be able to do this atleast once in my lifetime,because i love ALLAH dearly and with all my heart.I had prayed istikhra namaz asking ALLAH if I will ever be successful in executing this dream into reality,I also asked if he would guide me. but today morning i had a bad dream . I don’t know what this means,shuld i believe in the dream or should I listen to my heart. Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

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We ask Allaah to make you steadfast in your efforts to fulfil the duty of calling people to Allaah and in your keenness to spread good. Your love of good and your efforts to spread it indicate that you are a good person, in sha Allah. We ask Allaah that you will be included in His words (interpretation of the meaning): “You (true believers in Islamic Monotheism, and real followers of Prophet Muhammad and his Sunnah) are the best of peoples ever raised up for mankind; you enjoin Al-Ma‘roof (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam has ordained) and forbid AlMunkar (polytheism, disbelief and all that Islam has forbidden), and you believe in Allaah” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:110] Your saying that you love Allaah is the characteristic of those whom Allaah loves, of whom He says (interpretation of the meaning): “a people whom He will love and they will love Him” [al-Maa’idah 5:54] Whoever loves Allaah sincerely, Allaah will love him. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever loves to meet Allaah, Allaah loves to meet him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6507; Muslim, 2683). Al-Bukhaari (7375) and Muslim (813) narrated from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent a man on a campaign; when he led his companions in prayer, he used to end his recitation with Qul Huwa Allaah Ahad. When they came back, they mentioned that to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He told them, ‘Ask him why he does that.” He said, “Because 52

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it speaks of the Most Merciful and I love to recite it.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Tell him that Allaah loves him.” This man loved the attributes of Allaah, so Allaah loved him. If you want to know how sincere your love for Allaah is, then examine yourself in the light of the following verse, in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Say (O Muhammad to mankind): If you (really) love Allaah, then follow me (i.e. accept Islamic Monotheism, follow the Qur’aan and the Sunnah), Allaah will love you and forgive you your sins” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:31] i.e., follow the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). If Allaah loves you, you may receive the glad tidings of great goodness. Allaah says in a hadeeth qudsi: “Whoever shows enmity to someone devoted to Me, I shall be at war with him. My slave draws noy near to Me with anything more beloved to Me than the religious duties I have enjoined on him, and My slave continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I shall love him. When I love him I am his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask something of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it. I do not hesitate about anything so much as I hesitate about [seizing] the soul of My faithful slave: he hates death and I hate hurting him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6502). The following are six benefits that a person gains by loving Allaah, in order of importance: 53

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1- Allah becomes his hearing, i.e., he does not listen to anything except that which pleases Allaah. 2- Allaah becomes his seeing, i.e., he does not look at anything but that which pleases Allaah. 3- Allaah becomes his foot with which he walks, i.e., he does not walk for anything except that which is pleasing to Allaah, 4- Allaah becomes his hand with which he strikes, i.e., he does not take revenge for himself but rather for the sake of Allaah, so he does not do anything with his hand except that which pleases Allaah. 5- Allaah answers his du’aa’s 6- Allaah grants him refuge from everything that he dislikes. So congratulation to those whom Allaah loves, to the close friends of Allaah, to the party of Allaah. “They are the party of Allaah. Verily, it is the party of Allaah that will be the successful” [al-Mujaadilah 58:22] With regard to istikhaarah, it is prescribed when a person is thinking about doing something, then he hesitates about it. But with regard the thing that you are doing, namely calling people to Allaah, there is no need to pray istikhaarah, rather you should go ahead and call people to Allaah with wisdom and beautiful preaching. With regard to the bad dream that you saw, it is from the Shaytaan. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) taught us, if we see something good in our dreams, to tell those whom we love about it, but if we see something bad, we should seek refuge with Allaah from 54

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the Shaytaan and spit drily to the left three times, then turn over onto the other side, and we should not pay attention to that bad dream. See question no. 9577. If you want to know more about the Prophet’s teachings regarding sleep, see question no. 21216. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 30784: Delaying prayer until night-time because of work Question: Many workers delay Zuhr and ‘Asr prayers until nighttime, giving the excuse that they are too busy at work or that their clothes are najis (impure) or not clean. What advice can you give them? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible for a Muslim man or woman to delay an obligatory prayer beyond the proper time, rather every accountable Muslim man and woman is obliged to perform the prayers on time as much as they can. Work is not an excuse for delaying prayer, neither is impurity on clothes or clothes being dirty. None of these are acceptable excuses. People should be excused from work at prayer times; at the time of prayer a worker has to wash the impurity from his clothes, or change into clean clothes. As for regular dirt (as opposed to impurities), this does not prevent one from praying in those clothes, so long as that dirt is not impure and does not have an offensive smell that would 55

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bother other worshippers. But if the dirt or its smell will bother others, then he has to wash it before praying, or change into clean clothes so that he can pray in congregation. It is permissible for those who have legitimate shar’i excuses, such as those who are sick or are travelling, to combine Zuhr and ‘Asr at the time of either of them, and to combine Maghrib and ‘Isha’ at the time of either of them. This was narrated in the saheeh Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). It is also permissible to join prayers when there is heavy rain or mud, which cause difficulty for people. Fataawa Muhimmah tata’allaq bil-Salaah by Shaykh Ibn Baaz, p. 19 (www.islam-qa.com) 12782: Renewing wudoo’ before going to sleep Question: About the Hadeeth of the Prophet (PBUH) how we would make his Waduu for prayer before sleeping, if i still have Waduu from Salat Al-Ishaa, can I go to sleep with this Waduu, or should I do it again before I sleep? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Doing wudoo’ before going to sleep is one of the things which is it recommended to do before going to sleep. A hadeeth was narrated to this effect, in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When 56

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you go to bed, do wudoo’ as for prayer.” (Narrated by alBukhaari, 247; Muslim 2710). Ibn Hajar said: The apparent meaning is that it is mustahabb for everyone who wants to go to sleep to renew his wudoo’, even if he already has wudoo’. It may be interpreted as applying only to the one who has broken his wudoo’. Al-Nawawi said: if a person has wudoo’, that is sufficient for him, because the point is to go to sleep having wudoo’, lest he die in his sleep, and so that he dreams will be more true, and so that the Shaytaan will be less likely to play with his dreams and terrify him. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 12871: Ruling on pointing one’s feet towards the qiblah Question: Some people say that you are not allowed to point your feet at the qibla while sitting down in the mosque and that it is bad adaab. Does this have any basis or is it a cultural thing or is an addition? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Humayd (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about pointing one’s feet in the direction of the qiblah. He replied: 57

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There is nothing to say that this is not allowed, but some of the scholars regarded it as makrooh (disliked) to stretch the feet out towards the Ka’bah if one is close to it; they regarded this as makrooh but not emphatically so. But if there is a mosque somewhere else and there is a Muslim there who points his feet towards the qiblah, there is no harm in that and he is not doing anything forbidden in sha Allaah, as the scholars stated. And Allaah knows best. See Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Humayd, p. 144 Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen was asked about pointing the feet towards the qiblah whilst sleeping. He said: There is no blame on a person if he sleeps and his feet are pointing towards the qiblah. Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 2/976. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 21216: Guidelines of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning sleep Question: I want to know how the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to sleep. Did he sleep on a bed or on the floor? Did he used to recite a specific du’aa’ when he wanted to sleep? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 58

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The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to sleep sometimes on a mattress, sometimes on a leather mat, sometimes on a mat made of palm leaves, sometimes on the floor, sometimes on a bed, sometimes on the sand, and sometimes on a black cloak. ‘Abbaad ibn Tameem said, narrating from his paternal uncles: I saw the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) lying on his back in the mosque, putting one leg on top of the other. (Narrated by alBukhaari, 475; Muslim, 2100). His mattress was made of leather stuffed with palm fibres, and he had a coarse woollen cloth that he would fold over twice and sleep on. The point is that he slept on a mattress and covered himself with a blanket. He said to his wives: “Jibreel never came to me whilst I was under the blanket of any one of you apart from ‘Aa’ishah.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3775). His pillow was also leather stuffed with palm fibres. When he went to bed to sleep, he would say: “Allaahumma bismika ahyaa wa amoot (O Allaah, in Your name I live and die).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 7394). He used to put his hands together and blow into them, then recite Qul Huwa Allaahu ahad, Qul a’oodhu bi Rabb il-Falaq and Qul a’oodhu bi Rabb il-Naas [i.e., the last three soorahs of the Qur’aan), then he would wipe his hands over as much of his body as he could, starting with his head and face, and the front part of his body. He would do that three times. He used to sleep on his right side, putting his right hand under his right cheek, then he would say: “Allaahumma 59

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qini ‘adhaabaka yawma tab’ath ‘ibaadaka (O Allaah, protect me from Your punishment on the Day You resurrect Your slaves).” And when he went to bed he used to say: “Al-hamdu Lillaah alladhi at’amanaa wa saqaanaa wa kafaanaa wa aawanaa fakam mimman laa kaafi lahu wa laa mu’wi (All praise is for Allaah, Who fed us and gave us to drink, and Who is sufficient for us and has sheltered us, for how many have none to suffice them or shelter them).” This was narrated by Muslim, who also narrated that he used to say when he went to bed: “Allaahumma Rabb al-samawaati wa’l-ard wa Rabb al‘arsh il-‘azeem, Rabbaanaa wa Rabba kulli shay’in, Faaliq al-habb wa’l-nawa wa munzil al-Tawraati wa’lInjeeli wa’l-Furqaan, a’oodhu bika min sharri kulli shay’in anta aakhidhun bi naasiyatihi. Allaahumma anta al-awwal fa laysa qablaka shay’un, wa anta al-aakhir fa laysa ba’daka shay’un, wa anta al-zaahir fa laysa fawqaka shay’un wa anta al-baatin fa laysa doonaka shay’un. Iqdi ‘annaa al-dayna wa aghninaa min al-faqri (O Allaah, Lord of the seven heavens and the exalted Throne, our Lord and Lord of all things, splitter of the seed and the date-stone, Revealer of the Tawraat and the Injeel and the Furqaan [Qur’aan], I seek refuge in You from the evil of all things You shall seize by the forelock [have total mastery over]. O Allaah, You are the First so there is nothing before You, and You are the Last so there is nothing after You. You are al-Zaahir [the greatest and highest] so there is nothing above You, and You are alBaatin [aware of the subtlest secrets] so there is nothing closer than You. Settle our debt for us and spare us from poverty).” (Narrated by Muslim) When he woke up from sleep he would say: “Al-hamdu Lillaah alladhi ahyaana ba’d ma amaatana wa ilayhi alnushoor (Praise be to Allaah Who has brought us back to 60

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life after causing us to die, and unto Him is the resurrection).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6312). Then he would clean his teeth using the miswaak, and recite the last ten aayahs from Soorat Aal ‘Imraan, from the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “Verily, in the creation of the heavens and the earth…” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:190-200] And he would say: “Allaahumma laka al-hamd anta noor al-samawaati wa’l-ard wa man fihinna, wa laka al-hamd anta qayyim ul-samaawaati wa’l-ard wa man fihinna, wa laka al-hamd anta al-haqq wa wa’duka al-haqq wa liqaa’uka haqq wa’l-jannatu haqq wa’l-naaru haqq wa’lnabiyoona haqq wa Muhammadun haqq wa’l-saa’atu haqq. Allaahumma laka aslamtu wa bika aamantu wa ‘alayka tawakkaltu wa ilayka anabtu wa bika khaasamtu wa ilayka haakamtu faghfir li ma qaddamutu wa ma akhartu wa ma asrartu wa ma a’lantu anta ilaahi laa ilaaha illa anta (O Allaah, to You be praise, You are the Light of the heavens and the earth and everyone in them. To You be praise, You are the Sustainer of the heavens and the earth and everyone in them. To You be praise, You are the Truth (al-Haqq), Your promise is true, the meeting with You is true, Paradise is true, Hell is true, the Prophets are true, Muhammad is true and the Hour is true. O Allaah, to You I submit myself, in You I believe, in You I put my trust, to You I repent, by Your help I strive (against Your enemies) and to You I refer for judgement, so forgive me my past and future sins, what I do in secret and what I do openly. You are my God and there is no god but You).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1120). He used to sleep during the first part of the night and get up to pray during the last part. Sometimes he would stay up late to deal with the interests of the Muslims. His eyes 61

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slept but his heart did not. When he slept, they would not wake him up; he would be the one to wake up. When he stopped to rest at night during a journey, he would lie down on his right side, and if he stopped to rest just before dawn he would prop his head up on his forearm, resting it in his palm. This was narrated by alTirmidhi. His sleep was of the best length and it was the most beneficial of sleep. The doctors say that it is one-third of the night and day, namely eight hours. See Zaad al-Ma’aad, 1/155 (www.islam-qa.com) 21647: Is it makrooh to sleep after ‘Asr? Question: Is it makrooh to sleep after ‘Asr? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever sleeps after ‘Asr and loses his mind, let him blame no one but himself.” This hadeeth was classed as da’eef (weak) by Shaykh alAlbaani in al-Silsilah al-Da’eefah, 39. Shaykh al-Albaani said: Marwaan [ibn Muhammad al-Asadi] said: “I said to Layth ibn Sa’d – when I saw him sleep after ‘Asr during the month of Ramadaan – ‘O Abu’l-Haarith! Why are you sleeping after ‘Asr when Ibn Lahee’ah has told us … (and 62

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he mentioned it)?’ Al-Layth said: ‘I do not give up something that is good for me because of the hadeeth of Ibn Lahee’ah from ‘Aqeel!’” I say, I am impressed by this answer of al-Layth, because it is indicative of understanding and knowledge, and no wonder, for he was one of the imams of the Muslims and well known fuqahaa’. I know that many of the shaykhs today do not let themselves sleep after ‘Asr, even if they need to do that. If it is said to them that the hadeeth concerning that is da’eef, they will immediately respond by saying, “Weak ahaadeeth should be followed with regard to virtuous actions.” Think about the difference between the understanding of the salaf (earlier generation) and the knowledge of the later generations. Al-Silsilah al-Da’eefah (hadeeth no. 39). Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 14033: It is permissible to sleep on one’s left side Question: Can I sleep on my left side sometimes ? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to sleep on his right side, putting his right 63

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hand on his right cheek, and this is what the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) recommended others to do. According to a saheeh hadeeth narrated from al-Baraa’ ibn ‘Aazib, the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When you go to bed, do wudoo’ as if for prayer, then lie down on your right side…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, alWudoo’, 239). The Sunnah is to put one’s right hand under one’s cheek. It was narrated that Hudhayfah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said, “When the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went to bed at night, he would put his hand under his cheek, then say, ‘Allaahumma bismika amootu wa ahyaa (O Allaah, in Your name I die and I live).’ Then when he woke up he would say, ‘Al-hamdu Lillaah alladhi ahyaanaa ba’da ma amaatanaa wa ilayhi al-nushoor (Praise be to Allaah who has brought us back to life after causing us to die, and to Him is the resurrection).’” (Narrated by alBukhaari, 6314). Ibn Hajar said: The right side is singled out for a number of reasons, such as: this lets a person wake up more quickly; it also allows the heart to lean towards the right hand side. Ibn al-Jawzi said: the doctors have stated that this position is more beneficial to the body. They said to start by lying on the right for a while, then turn over to the left, because the former aids peristalsis and sleeping on one’s left side facilitates digestion. Al-Nawawi said: this hadeeth mentions three acts that are Sunnah, the first of which is doing wudoo’ before going to sleep. If one already has wudoo’, there is no need to repeat it, because the aim is to go to sleep in a state of tahaarah (purity). The second is to sleep on one’s right side… This indicates that sleeping on one’s right side is Sunnah, and if a person does that to follow the example of the 64

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Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), he will be rewarded for that. Sleeping on one’s left side is permitted, but one misses out on the reward for following the Sunnah. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 9577: Ways of protecting oneself from nightmares and disturbing dreams Question: How can we cure nightmares ? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 1. Dreams that disturb a person and keep him awake come from the Shaytaan. In general, the dreams that people see are either good dreams which come from Allaah, a reflection of things which a person is thinking about, or a third type, which are dreams that come from the Shaytaan. It was reported from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Towards the end of time, hardly any dreams that the Muslim sees will not come true. The one whose dreams are the most truthful will be the one whose speech is the most honest. The dreams of the Muslim form one of the forty-five parts of Prophecy. Dreams are of three types: the good dream which is good news from Allaah; dreams which cause distress, which come from the Shaytaan; and dreams concerning matters which a person is thinking about…” (Narrated by Muslim, 2263) 65

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2. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us how to rid ourselves of the influence of Shaytaan during sleep. This can be achieved by reciting verses from the Qur’aan and du’aa’s narrated from him, before going to sleep. It was reported that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) put me in charge of guarding the zakaah of Ramadaan. Someone came and started to scatter the food. I took hold of him and said, ‘I will take you to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).’… He said, ‘When you go to bed, recite Aayat al-Kursi and you will be protected by Allaah, and no shaytaan (devil) will come near you until morning.’ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘He told you the truth even though he is a liar. That was a shaytaan.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3101). (b) It was reported that Abu Mas’ood al-Badri (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘The last two aayahs of Soorat al-Baqarah – whoever recites them at night, they will be sufficient for him.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3786; Muslim, 807). Al-Nawawi said: “Concerning the phrase, ‘The last two aayahs of Soorat al-Baqarah – whoever recites them at night, they will be sufficient for him’, it was said that it means, they will be sufficient for him instead of praying qiyaam al-layl, or as protection from Shaytaan, or as protection from vermin. It could mean all of these things.” (Sharh Muslim, 6/91, 92). (c) It was reported that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “When the Messenger of Allaah (peace 66

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and blessings of Allaah be upon him) went to his bed, he would blow into his hands and recite Qul Huwa Allaahu Ahad (Soorah 112) and the Mi’wadhatayn (Soorahs 113 and 114). Then he would wipe his hands over his face and his body, as far as they could reach.” ‘Aa’ishah said: “When he fell ill, He would ask me to do that for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5416; Muslim, 2192) (d) It was reported that Abu Hurayrah said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to tell us, when any one of us wanted to sleep, to lie on his right side, then say ‘Allaahumma Rabb al-samaawaati wa Rabb al-ard wa Rabb al-‘Arsh il‘Azeem, Rabbana wa Rabba kulli shay’in, faaliq al-habb wa’l-nawa wa munazzil al-Tawraata wa’l-Injeeli wa’lFuraan, a’oodhu bika min sharri kulli shay’in anta aakhidhun bi naasiyatihi. Allaahumma anta al-awwal fa laysa qablaka shay’un, wa anta al-aakhir fa laysa ba’daka shay’un. Wa anta al-zaahir fa laysa fawqaka shay’un wa anta al-baatin fa laysa doonaka shay’un. Iqdi ‘annaa aldayna wa aghninaa min al-faqr (O Allaah, Lord of the heavens and the earth, and Lord of the Mighty Throne, our Lord and Lord of all things, Splitter of the seed and the date stone, Revealer of the Tawraat (Torah), the Injeel (Gospel) and the Furqaan (Qur’aan), I seek refuge in You from the evil of all things that You will seize by the forelock [i.e., have full control over them]. O Allaah, You are the First and there is nothing before You; You are the Last and there is nothing after You. You are the Manifest (al-Zaahir) and there is nothing above You; You are the Hidden (al-Baatin) and there is nothing beyond You. Settle our debt and spare us from poverty).’” (Narrated by Muslim, 2713). (e) It was reported that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “Abu Bakr said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, teach me something that I can say in the 67

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morning and in the evening.’ He said: ‘Say, Allaahumma ‘Aalim al-ghaybi wa’l-shahaadah, Faatir al-samawaati wa’l-ard, Rabba kulli shay’in wa maleekahu, ashhadu an laa ilaaha illa anta. A’oodhi bika min sharri nafsi wa min sharr il-shaytaan wa shirkih (O Allaah, Knower of the seen and the unseen, Creator of the heavens and the earth, Lord and Sovereign of all things, I bear witness that there is no god except You. I seek refuge in You from the evil of my own self and from the evil and shirk of the Shaytaan). Say this in the morning and in the evening, and when you go to bed.’” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 3392; Abu Dawood, 5067). 3. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also taught us what to do when someone sees something unpleasant in a dream and wakes up as a result. That is: to spit drily to the left, to seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan, to change the side on which one was sleeping, and to pray if one wishes. (a) It was reported that Abu Qutaadah said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Good dreams come from Allaah and bad dreams come from the Shaytaan. If any one of you sees a bad dream which makes him afraid, let him spit drily to his left and seek refuge with Allaah from its evil, then it will not harm him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 3118; Muslim, 2261). (b) It was reported from Jaabir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any one of you sees a dream that he dislikes, let him spit drily to his left three time, and seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan three times, and change the side on which he was sleeping.” (narrated by Muslim, 2262). (c) It was reported that Abu Hurayrah said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘If any one of you sees something that he dislikes (in a dream), 68

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let him get up and pray, and not tell people about it.’” (narrated by Muslim, 2263) If the Muslim follows this advice given by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), before he goes to bed, it is hoped that no shaytaan will come anywhere near him, and if he follows this advice when he wakes up from a bad dream, it will take away all anxiety and distress from him. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 7846: Boy Sleeping with His Mother or Sister Question: Is it allowed for a boy to sleep in the same bed with his mother or sister after he has reached the age of puberty? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. it is not allowed for male children, if they have reached the age of puberty or are ten years old or more, to sleep with their mothers or sisters in the same bedding or mattress. This safeguards chastity and keeps the person away from temptation. It also closes the door to evil. The Prophet (peace be upon him) ordered that the children be separated in 69

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their bedding when they reach the age of ten. He said, “Order your children to pray when they are seven years old. And spank them [to exhort them] to do it by the age of ten and separate them in their bedding.”3 Those who are not approaching the age of puberty still must ask permission to enter upon their parents at three times during the day. These are the times in which one is more likely to be taking off his clothing and exposing the parts that are usually covered. This has been stressed by them being called times of privacy. Allah says in the Quran, “O you who believe! Let your slaves and those among you who have not come to the age of puberty ask permission [before they come to your presence] on three occasions: before morning prayer, and while you put off your clothes for the noonday [rest] and after the Isha [Night] Prayer. [These] three times are times of privacy for you. Other than those times there is no sin for you or for them to move about, attending to each other. Thus Allah makes clear His signs to you. And Allah is All-Knowing, All-Wise” (al-Nur 58). However, those who are past the age of puberty must seek permission to enter at all times of the day. Allah says, “And when the children among you reach the age of puberty, then let them (also) ask for permission, as those senior to 70

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them (in age ask permission). Thus Allah makes clear His signs for you. And Allah is Al-Knowing A-Wise” (alNur 59). All of this is to avoid any kinds of problems and temptations and to safeguard honors. It also brings an end to the means that lead to evil. As for the child who is less than ten years old, it is permissible for him to sleep with his mother and sister in their bedding if there is some need to look after him and if there is no fear of temptation. They may also all sleep in the same area, in their own bedding, if they are of the age of puberty if there is no fear of temptation. The Standing Committee Footnote 1. Other than the husband’s father or sons.—JZ 2. Recorded by al-Bukhari and Muslim. It implies that such close relations can easily lead to adultery which has the death penalty.—JZ 3. Recorded by Abu Dawud and Ahmad. Al-Albani has graded it hasan. Al-Albani, Sahih al-Jami, vol. 2, p. 1021. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 71

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5287: Does sleeping next to one’s wife cancel out the wudoo’ prescribed before sleeping? Question: It is part of sunna to make woudou before sleeping for the night. However, for married couples, the usage is that both the husband and the wife sleep next to each other in the same large bed. I believe that this is not compatible with sunna, and would like to know your opinion. Jazakom allahou khayran. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. On the contrary, it is part of the Sunnah, as is indicated by many ahaadeeth, including that narrated by al-Bukhaari (2945) and Muslim (2727) from ‘Ali, who said that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him and Faatimah, may Allaah be pleased with them both: “When you go to your bed, or when you lie down, say Allaahu akbar thirty-three times, Subhaan-Allaah thirty-three times and Alhamdulillaah thirty-three times.” According to another report narrated by al-Bukhaari (3502), [‘Ali said:] “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to us whilst we were lying down, and I went to stand up, but he said, ‘Stay where you are,’ and sat down between us, and I could feel the coolness of his feet on my chest.’” This hadeeth with its clear wording indicates that it is sunnah for a man to sleep with his wife in one bed. Perhaps the confusion has arisen because when a man does wudoo’ 72

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then sleeps in one bed with his wife, he cannot help touching her, and it may be that the questioner is thinking that this will break his wudoo’, so what is the point of doing wudoo’? So we have to discuss the question of whether touching a woman breaks wudoo’ or not? The scholars differed on this matter and there are several points of view, stemming from their differences in the Tafseer (interpretation) of the Aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “… or [if] you have been in contact with women and you find no water, perform Tayammum with clean earth…” [al-Nisa’ 4:43] Some scholars said that “contact” here meant only touching with one’s hand, whilst others took it to mean sexual intercourse, as in the aayaat (interpretation of the meaning): “… then divorce them before you have sexual intercourse with them…” [al-Ahzaab 33:49] and: “And if you divorce them before you have touched (had sexual relations with) them…” [al-Baqarah 2:237] They stated that according to scholarly consensus, the full mahr is not due if a woman has been merely touched before her divorce; the full mahr is due in cases where sexual intercourse has taken place and the marriage has been consummated. This opinion was narrated from ‘Ali, Ubayy ibn Ka’b, Ibn ‘Abbaas, Mujaahid, Taawoos, alHasan, ‘Ubayd ibn ‘Umayr, Sa’eed ibn Jubayr, al-Shu’bi, Qutaadah, Muqaatil ibn Hayyaan and Abu Haneefah.” (Nayl al-Maraam min Tafseer Ayaat al-Ahkaam by Siddeeq Hasan Khaan, 1/316, 314).

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The more correct view is that which was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would do wudoo’, then kiss her, and then pray, without repeating his wudoo’. (See al-Raayah, 1/72; Nayl al-Maraam by Siddeeq Hasan Khaan, 318-322 – footnote). Al-Bukhaari narrated in al-Saheeh (1/588, no. 513) that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “I used to sleep in front of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and my legs were in front of him when he prayed. When he did sujood, he would poke me and I would move my legs out of the way, and when he stood up I would stretch them out again… The houses in those days did not have lamps.” These two texts indicate that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would touch his wife, without repeating his wudoo’ after doing so; he even touched her whilst praying. The Sunnah, which explains the Book of Allaah, indicates that merely touching a woman does not cancel wudoo’. However, if there is any emission of madhiy (prostatic fluid) or maniy (semen), then this breaks wudoo’. We hope that this answer will clear up the confusion and free the questioner from any unnecessary restrictions. And Allaah is the One Whose help we seek. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 5350: Should he recite Aayat al-Kursi aloud or silently? Question: I say Ayat Kursi at night before I go to bed. I read if you 74

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recite it Shatayn will not bother you. Do you have to reite it out loud or can you say it to yourself and still be protected? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It was reported in Saheeh al-Bukhaari that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) entrusted me with the task of looking after the Zakaat of Ramadaan. Someone came to me and started to scatter the food about, so I grabbed hold of him and said, ‘I will take you to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)!’… He (that intruder) said: ‘When you go to your bed, recite Aayat al-Kursi, then there will stay with you a protector from Allaah, and no shaytaan (devil) will approach you until morning comes.’ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘He spoke the truth even though he is a liar; that was a shaytaan.’” (Hadith no. 4624). It is Sunnah to recite it, and it should be recited in a voice that you can hear. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 827: The reason why it is forbidden to sleep on one’s belly Question: Why is it forbidden to sleep on ones belly? Is it forbidden for both men and women? 75

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The reason for this is that it was forbidden by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who left no good thing but he told us about it and left no evil thing but he warned us against it. Ya’eesh ibn Tihfah al-Ghifaari reported that his father said: “I stayed as a guest with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) with those of the poor whom he hosted. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came out in the night to check up on his guests, and saw me lying on my stomach. He prodded me with his foot and said, ‘Do not lie in this manner, for it is a way of lying that Allaah hates.’” According to another report, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) prodded him with his foot and woke him up, and said, “Do not lie like this, for this is how the people of Hell lie.” (Reported by Ahmad, al-Fath al-Rabbaani, 14/244-245; by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2798, Shaakir edn.; and by Abu Dawood, al-Sunan, Kitaab al-Adab, no. 5040, al-Da’aas edn. Also reported in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2270-2271) This is a general prohibition that applies to both males and females, because the basic principle is that rulings apply to both sexes, except in cases where it is indicated that there is a differentiation between the two. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih AlMunajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 1409: Sleeping on one’s stomach when there is a legitimate reason Question: Alsalam Alykuym 76

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my question is regarding a posting i saw in your website that it is preffered for a Muslim to sleep on his right side and not on his stomach. Is that true? and what if a person due to problems with his back can’t sleep except on his stomach? Jazakum Allah Khair Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If you have no choice but to sleep on your back, there is nothing wrong with doing so, so long as you are keen to follow the Sunnah and the only reason you cannot put this particular aspect of it into practice is your illness. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2063: Sleeping after Fajr and ‘Asr Question: As-salamu alaikun, I would like to know if there is any verdict concerning sleeping after fajr salat? (subuh) Shukran. Jazakukmul-lahu khairan. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. As far as a person’s sleeping after praying Fajr is concerned, no text (of Qur’aan or hadeeth) has been 77

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reported to indicate that this is prohibited, so the general principle applies (i.e., everything is permitted except that which has been expressly forbidden). But the practice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his Companions after praying Fajr was to remain sitting in the place where they had prayed until the sun rose, as is reported in Saheeh Muslim (1/463) in the hadeeth of Sammaak ibn Harb, who said: “I asked Jaabir ibn Samurah, ‘Did you used to sit with the Messenger of Allaah?’ He said, ‘Yes, frequently. He would not get up from the place where he had prayed Subh until the sun rose. When the sun rose, he would get up. They used to talk about things that had happened during the Jaahiliyyah, and they would laugh and smile.’” Also, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) asked his Lord to bless his ummah in the mornings, as is reported in the hadeeth of Sakhr al-Ghaamidi, who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O Allaah, bless my ummah in the mornings.’ Whenever he sent out troops or an army, he would send them at the beginning of the day.’” Sakhr was a trader, and he used to send out his caravans at the beginning of the day, and he did well as a result and made money.” (Reported by Abu Dawood, al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Maajah, with an isnaad in which there is some jahaalah (i.e., one narrator is unknown); corroborating evidence is to be found in a hadeeth narrated by ‘Ali, Ibn ‘Umar, Ibn ‘Abbaas, Ibn Mas’ood and others, may Allaah be pleased with them all.) For this reason some of the salaf disliked the idea of sleeping after Fajr. Ibn Abi Shaybah reported in his Musannaf (5/222, no. 25442) with a saheeh isnaad from ‘Urwah ibn al-Zubayr that he said: “Al-Zubayr used to forbid his children to sleep in the morning.” ‘Urwah said: 78

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“I do not hear of any man who sleeps in the morning, but I lose interest in that person.” In summary then, people should make the most of this time which can bring many benefits in this world and in the Hereafter, but if a person sleeps at this time to gain strength to do his work, there is nothing wrong with this, especially if it is not easy for him to sleep at any other time of the day. Ibn Abi Shaybah reported in his Musannaf (5/223, no. 25454) from the hadeeth of Abu Yazeed alMadeeni who said: “Umar came to Suhayb one morning and found him sleeping, so he sat down until he woke up. Suhayb said: ‘The Ameer al-Mu’mineen is sitting in his place and Suhayb is sleeping!’ ‘Umar said to him: ‘I did not like to disturb your sleep that could be beneficial for you.’” As for sleeping after ‘Asr, this is also permitted; there is no saheeh hadeeth from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to indicate that sleeping at this time is prohibited. As for the words, “Whoever sleeps after ‘Asr and loses his mind as a result has no-one to blame but himself,” which are attributed to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), this is a false hadeeth and there is no proof that these words were uttered by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). See: Silsilat al-Da’eefah, no. 39. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

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Chapter 4 Keeping Contact with Kinship 40005: Ruling on upholding ties with one’s mother and siblings through breastfeeding Question: I have a mother and siblings through breastfeeding (radaa’ah). Do I have to uphold ties with them and visit them as I visit my mother and siblings through blood ties? I used to visit them, then it was said to me that I do not have to do that, and I am confused about that. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The shar’i rulings concerning relationships through breastfeeding are not the same as the rulings concerning relationships through blood ties. Breastfeeding (radaa’ah) does not mean that one is obliged to spend on those relatives, or that one is entitled to inherit from them, or that one may be a guardian for the purpose of marriage – unlike the case with ties of blood. What they have in common is that people related in either way are forbidden to marry, and may look at one another and be alone with one another, and are regarded as mahrams for the purpose of travel. This is the wisdom of sharee’ah, because Islam cannot give a mother who breastfed a child five times the same rights as the mother who carried him, gave birth to him, breastfed him and brought him up, and is the reason for 80

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the child’s existence. Can the love, compassion and devotion in the heart of the blood mother be likened to that in the heart of the mother through breastfeeding? There are verses of the Qur’aan which refer to that. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years” [Luqmaan 31:14] And Allaah says, after commanding the child to treat his parents well and forbidding him to do the slightest act of disobedience towards them (interpretation of the meaning): “and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’” [al-Isra’ 17:24] Hence some of the scholars said that a son through breastfeeding has to respect and honour his mother and his parents through breastfeeding, but he does not have to honour them and uphold ties with them in the same way as a son is obliged to honour his parents and relatives by blood. There are several da’eef (weak) ahaadeeth on this topic, which we will mention here so that people may be aware of them. 1 – It was narrated that al-Tufayl (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: I saw the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sharing out some meat in alJi’raanah, when a woman came up to the Prophet (peace 81

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and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and he spread out her cloak for her, and she sat down on it. I said, “Who is she?” They said, “This is his mother who breastfed him.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 5144; classed as da’eef by alAlbaani in Da’eef Abi Dawood, 1102. Ibn Hibbaan (10/44) included this hadeeth in a chapter which he called, “Ways in which it is recommended for a person to honour the one who breastfed him when he was small.” 2 – It was narrated from ‘Umar ibn al-Saa’ib that he heard that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was sitting when his father through breastfeeding came to him; he spread part of his cloak for him and he sat on it. Then his mother through breastfeeding came to him and he spread part of his cloak on the other side and she sat on it. Then his brother through breastfeeding came and the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stood up for him and made him sit in front of him. Narrated by Abu Dawood, 5145; classed as da’eef by alAlbaani in al-Silsilah al-Da’eefah, 1120. 3 – It was narrated from Hajjaaj ibn Hajjaaj al-Aslami that his father asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “O Messenger of Allaah, how can I repay the favour of breastfeeding?” He said: “(By giving) a male or female slave.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1153; al-Nasaa’i, 3329; Abu Dawood, 2064. Classed as da’eef by al-Albaani in Da’eef Abi Dawood, 445. Al-Suyooti said in Sharh al-Nasaa’i, 6/108. What is meant by repaying the favour of breastfeeding is 82

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the duties that are owed as a result of having been breastfed. It is as if he is asking, How can I waive the duties I owe as a result of having been breastfed so that I will have paid them off in full? They used to regard it as something good to give a gift to the wet nurse once the child had been weaned, other the wages that had be agreed upon. End quote. 4 – The biographers said that when the captive woman of Hawaazin had been gathered together, their spokesman Zuhayr ibn Sard came and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, inside the enclosure are your mothers, your maternal aunts and your nursemaids. Do us a favour (and free us), may Allaah bless you.” These ahaadeeth speak of honouring and respecting, which are Islamic manners that are encouraged with regard to all Muslims. This is the reason why the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) set them all free. Al-Bidaayah wa’l-Nihaayah, 4/419 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 14630: Rights of brothers and sisters Question: What are the rights of brothers, sisters and parents on the man at the time . Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Brothers and sisters are among the relatives with whom Islam commands us to uphold ties. 83

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The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah says: ‘I am al-Rahmaan (the Most Merciful) and this rahm (tie of kinship) has a name that is derived from My name. Whoever uphold it, I will take care of him, and whoever severs it, I will cut him off.’” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1907; Abu Dawood, 1694; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah alSaheehah, 520). And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever would like his lifespan to be extended and his provision to be increased, let him uphold the ties of kinship.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1961; Muslim, 2557) Among the rights that they share with other Muslims, except that their rights are stronger, are: that you should greet them with salaam when you meet them; you should accept their invitation when they invite you; you should say “Yarhamukum Allaah (may Allaah have mercy on you) if they sneeze; you should visit them if they fall sick; you should attend their funeral if they die; you should go along with them if they swear that you should do something; you should advise them sincerely if they seek your advice; you should not backbite about them in their absence; you should love for them what you love for yourself and hate for them what you hate for yourself. All of that is narrated in saheeh ahaadeeth. Their rights also include: that you should not harm any of them in word or deed. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 10; Muslim, 40). And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, in a lengthy hadeeth in which he enjoined a number of virtues, “… If you 84

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cannot do that, then leave people alone (and do not offend them), for that is an act of charity that you do for yourself.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2382; Muslim, 84). With regard to parents’ rights, we have explained the mother’s rights over her children in the answer to question number 5053 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 11934: His Muslim wife’s relatives are kaafirs who mistreat her Question: Me and my wife are in a delemma about our relatives. We both are the only muslims in among our families. I’m in very close family they are there when you need help they’re very supportive of me. My wife family isn’t close to her at all nor are they close to our kids.My wife brothers talks to her as she are garbage, they cheat her out of her money by telling her lies of deciet, they drink, and commit adultery, and her sisters on the other hand threaten her a lot by calling “DCFS,” they call her liers about everything, they disregard everything she say, and they have gatherings and she’s not invited, and they all hate Islam and talks negative about it.Where do draw the line and say enough is enough. I know Islam teaches us to be kind to our family members but how do you deal with family that don’t respect you and criticize you all the time. My wife get angry at me when I tell her about them, even though she knows how they are. What makes me very angry is that my wife brothers say things to her and she makes excuses for them about why they treat her this way that if I were to say similar she would blow the 85

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roof off the house,and if I asked them why they talk to her that way she would accuse me of making fitna. How do I deal with matter or how should she deal with matter. please advise Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Praise Allaah that your family is closely-knit and that you do not suffer the things that your wife suffers from her family. Appreciating this blessing fully will make you give thanks to your Lord and feel compassion for your wife because of the state of affairs with her family. This will motivate you to console her and stand beside her to ward off mistreatment from her, and boost her morale when she is faced with these attacks. Our advice to your wife is to bear her family’s mistreatment with patience and to strive to call the individuals in her family who are less evil and more open to accepting the truth. Then if her kaafir family are causing her trouble, she can mix with them less, and make her visits to them brief and for a purpose. No Muslim is obliged to mix with kaafir relatives if he cannot bear their mistreatment, but he should strive to bear their mistreatment with patience and call them to Islam. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 11757: Her husband will not let their children visit their kaafir grandparents Question: My husband and my family do not get along, they are not muslim, although I have invited them many times, nor do 86

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they understand Islam. My husband wants to prevent my parents from seeing my children because he feels they have cursed Allah, although they have not done so. Is this allowed? Answer: We asked our shaykh, Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al‘Uthaymeen, about a woman who says, my parents are kaafirs and my husband will not let the children see them. Does he have any right to do that? He answered, may Allaah preserve him, as follows: He does not have that right, but she should be tactful with him. It should be said to the husband that if there is no danger to the children’s religious commitment, he should not stop them (from seeing their grandparents). And he can be on the safe side by going with his children when they visit their grandparents. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com) 10132: He visits his aunt and problems arise as a result Question: Should I visit my (paternal) aunt, knowing that she does not feel comfortable with me in her house, and after every visit she causes endless problems? In order to prevent further problems, I have decided not to visit her, but I greet her with salaams whenever I see her. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 87

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The purpose of visiting is to uphold the ties of kinship and to strengthen the bonds (between family members). If the visits only serve to drive people further apart, then it is better not to visit, and to allow other means of keeping in touch to suffice, such as phone calls and the like. But it is better to strive to deal with the causes of these feelings and problems with your aunt. (See also Question #4631). Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh (www.islam-qa.com) 10225: Is it permissible to attend family gatherings in which bid’ah takes place? Question: When my family has any kind of occasion such as a wedding, circumcision or funeral, in the weddings and circumcision celebrations they use a drum and make ululations of joy, and on the occasion of a death they wail in an outrageous fashion. Should I go to these gatherings or not, when they do these bid’ahs (innovations)? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible for you to go to a gathering in which these evil actions take place, unless you are able to change this bid’ah and advise them and teach them in a goodly manner, so go to enjoin what is good and forbid what is evil. From Fataawaa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 12/365 (www.islam-qa.com) 88

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7571: Suggestions as how to end the estrangement between disputing relatives Question: My Uncle has told my mother that he doesn’t want to see our family ever again. What is our duty in this position considering we did nothing to upset him or his family? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You have to look for the reason, for it is not normal for something like this to happen without a reason, but that reason may be unknown to you. If you did not do anything deliberate to upset him, then do not feel responsible for what has happened and for his cutting off ties with you. You have to be patient and treat him well even if he mistreats you. Perhaps he will come back to you when he sees your good attitude. In many cases, this kind of rigid and harsh-hearted attitude is temporary and does not last for long; it may stem from a particular incident which made the person angry, but when his anger has calmed down and some time has passed, things go back to the way they were, or close enough. Perhaps some extreme circumstances coincided with a bad attitude, hatred or an inclination to bear grudges, which resulted in a long-term estrangement. In this case all parties concerned should be given time to calm down gradually, so that the bad feelings may be reduced; at the same time, the person who has cut off ties of kinship should be reminded of the rights of his relatives, what Allaah and His Messenger say on this matter, and the stern warning issued to those who cut off ties of kinship. If any of the parties involved have been wronged, 89

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things must be put right as quickly as possible, and there is nothing wrong with trying to heal the wounded pride of the party that has been wronged, by apologizing or getting together for the purpose of reconciliation, etc., as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and adjust all matters of difference among you” [alAnfaal 8:1]. We hope that the one who undertakes to reconcile between them will earn the reward mentioned in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning); “There is no good in most of their secret talks save (in) him who orders Sadaqah (charity in Allaah’s Cause), or Ma‘roof (Islamic Monotheism and all the good and righteous deeds which Allaah has ordained), or conciliation between mankind; and he who does this, seeking the good Pleasure of Allaah, We shall give him a great reward” [al-Nisaa’ 4:114] Sometimes it may be better to avoid getting involved in looking for a reconciliation until things have calmed down and people are more likely to agree to open the issue and listen to those who want to reconcile between them and accept their suggestions. We ask Allaah for guidance. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 5158: Can he travel to a kaafir country for the sake of upholding family ties? Question: What is the ruling about going to Visit Friends and relatives in America? 90

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(For the sake of Allah, not for the sake of play and vain talk.). Jazaka Allah Khayr. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible to travel to a kaafir country except for a valid reason such as studying to acquire knowledge or skills that are not available in a Muslim country, or for medical treatment. But the traveller should have sufficient religious commitment to protect him from temptation and sufficient knowledge to protect him from doubts. Keeping in touch with relatives and upholding the ties of kinship can be achieved through lesser means; you can call them by phone, or correspond with them in any fashion, or send greetings and gifts, and so on. A person should not expose himself to the risks of travelling to a kaafir country and committing sin for the sake of something that may be achieved through other means. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 1426: Rulings on upholding the ties of kinship for females Question: my sister who has shahada is married to a man who is not, at the time she didn;t know that he is haram for her. My husband will not allow me to visit her home because he is not muslim, it this allowed? I would just visit her home when he is not there 91

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There follow some details about the issue of women upholding their ties of kinship, and what they should do with husbands who prevent them from doing so. Upholding the ties of kinship is obligatory even for females, who must uphold them as much as they can. Therefore it is not permissible for a man to prevent his wife or daughter from upholding her ties of kinship, and if he stops her from visiting them, but he lets her convey greetings to them, whether by letter or through a third person, or send them gifts, then she should do that. It is sufficient even if she only sends greetings without a gift, but if she sends her greetings with a gift, that is better. If he stops her from sending a gift but allows her to send greetings, then she should send greetings. If he allows her to send a gift but stops her from sending greetings, then she should send a gift. If he allows her to go and see them, then she should go. If he stops her from doing anything that comes under the heading of upholding ties of kinship, then there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator. In this case she should maintain her family ties in the way that is least objectionable to her husband or father, whether it is sending gifts or conveying greetings, and she can conceal that if she is fearful. If her relatives are faced with some hardship, she should help them with what they need, even if he says not to. She should uphold her family ties by offering condolences in the case of bereavement or loss, and condolence means advising patience. She should also congratulate them on joyful occasions, and congratulating them means praying that they will enjoy to the full whatever has brought them joy, and that it will not be spoilt for them. Such joyful events include the return of a traveller, a wedding, etc. She should not adorn herself or 92

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display her adornment in front of those to whom she should not show herself, such as cousins (sons of maternal uncles or paternal uncles), and she should convey her greetings to them from behind a barrier and without making her voice soft, but this is only in cases where there is no fear of fitnah, otherwise she may convey greetings through a third party. She does not have to attend funerals. It is not permissible for the husband to stop his wife from upholding the ties of kinship even if it involves her going out, but she should not go out except with his permission. The same applies to fathers. The wife should treat her husband gently so that she will still be able to fulfil her shar’i duty of upholding the ties of kinship. We ask Allaah to put all our affairs in order. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 4631: Broken ties of kinship and relationships Question: What is the meaning of silat al-rahm (upholding the ties of kinship)? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Islam calls for the upholding of the ties of kinship because of the great effect that this has on achieving social cohesion and perpetuating cooperation and love among 93

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the Muslims. Upholding the ties of kinship is a duty because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… and fear Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (do not cut the relations of ) the wombs (kinship)…” [al-Nisa’ 4:1] “And give to the kindred his due and to the miskeen (poor)…” [al-Isra’ 17:26] Allaah has warned us against cutting the ties of kinship (interpretation of the meaning): “And those who break the Covenant of Allaah, after its ratification, and sever that which Allaah has commanded to be joined (i.e., they sever the bond of kinship and are not good to their relatives), and work mischief in the land, on them is the curse (i.e., they will be far away from Allaah’s Mercy); And for them is the unhappy (evil) home (i.e., Hell).” [al-Ra’d 13:26] What punishment could be worse than the curse and the evil home that awaits those who sever the ties of kinship ? They deny themselves the reward for upholding the ties of kinship in the Hereafter, in addition to denying themselves much good in this world, which is a long life and ample provision. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever would like his rizq (provision) to be increased and his life to be extended, should uphold the ties of kinship.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 5986 and Muslim, 2557). Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘Allaah created the universe, and when He had finished, kinship (al-rahm) stood up and said, 94

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“This is the standing up of one who seeks Your protection from being cut off.” Allaah said, “Yes, would it please you if I were to take care of those who take care of you and cut off those who cut you off?” It said, “Of course.” Allaah said, “Then your prayer in granted.”’” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Recite, if you wish (interpretation of the meaning): ‘Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship? Such are they whom Allaah has cursed, so that He has made them deaf and blinded their sight.’ [Muhammad 47:22-23].” (Saheeh Muslim bi Sharh al-Nawawi, 16/112). Once we understand this, we need to ask: who is the one who upholds the ties of kinship? This was explained by the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) when he said: “The one who maintains a relationship with his relatives only because they maintain a relationship with him is not truly upholding the ties of kinship. The one who truly upholds those ties is the one who does so even if they break off the relationship.” (Reported by alBukhaari, 5645). If the relationship is merely one of returning favours and giving like in return for like, and not taking the initiative, then this is not upholding the ties of kinship, it is only responding in kind. Some people follow the principle of giving a gift in return for a gift, and visiting in return for a visit, so if someone does not give them a gift, they do not give him a gift, and if he does not visit them, they do not visit him. This is not what is meant by upholding the ties of kinship at all, and this is not what is required by Islam. This is merely responding in kind, it is not the higher degree which Islam urges us to reach. A man said to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “I have relatives with whom I try to keep in touch, but they cut me off. I treat them well, but they 95

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abuse me. I am patient and kind towards them, but they insult me.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “If you are as you say, then it is as if you are putting hot dust in their mouths. Allaah will continue to support you as long as you continue to do that.” (Reported by Muslim with commentary by alNawawi, 16/115). Who could bear to put up with hot dust? We seek refuge with Allaah from cutting off the ties of kindship. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 4428: Number of times a wife can visit her family Question: Sir my question is that how many times can a wife go to her parents house in a week and what is the say of husband in this matter. Thank-you. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Upholding family ties is obligatory, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… fear Allaah through Whom you demand your mutual (rights), and (and do not cut of the relations of) the wombs (kinship)…” [al-Nisa’ 4:1] “And give to the kindred his due and to the poor…” [alIsra’ 17:26] Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported

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that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah created His creation, and when He had finished, al-rahm (the tie of kinship) got up. He said, ‘What is it?’ Al-rahm said: “This is the position of one who is seeking refuge with You from being cut off.’ He said, ‘Will you not be pleased if I should take care of the one who takes care of you, and cut off the one who cuts you off?’ Alrahm said, ‘Of course, O Lord.’ He said, ‘Then it will be so.’” Abu Hurayrah quoted (interpretation of the meaning): “Would you then, if you were given the authority, do mischief in the land, and sever your ties of kinship?” [Muhammad 47:22]. (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 6948) Upholding the ties of kinship means being kind to one’s relatives, whether by giving them material things or treating them well. The least of this is greeting them with salaam and not forsaking them. There is no limit in sharee’ah to the number of times a person should visit his or her relatives, because this will differ according to people’s circumstances, how busy they are, how close or how far away they live, and the circumstances, employment and other commitments of the husband who is to bring his wife to visit her family. Some wives live close to their own families, and others may live in another city or country, all of which are factors in the matter. But the husband should realize that it is not permissible for him to deliberately prevent his wife from visiting her family and upholding her ties of kinship with them. By the same token, the wife should not exhaust her husband with frequent trips and expenses that he cannot bear. She should make requests of him commensurate with his capabilities. We ask Allaah to put all our affairs right. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. 97

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Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2294: Visiting relatives who have a satellite dish in their homes Question: A person regularly visits his relatives, but those relatives have some evil things in their home, like a satellite dish, even though they know it is haraam. Should he stop visiting them or should he still visit them? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If a person has relatives, then it is obligatory to uphold the ties of kinship, even if they are not as one would like them to be, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks unto Me and to your parents, - unto Me is the final destination. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly…” [Luqmaan 31:14-15]. He did not say “kill them”, He said, “but behave with them in the world kindly…” Upholding the ties of kinship is obligatory even if the relatives are not as one would like them to be. So you must keep in touch with your relatives even if they have this dish, which most people use to view haraam things, 98

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waste their time and money, and corrupt their morals and minds. If they use the dish to watch haraam things when you are present, then do not go to them so that you will not be a partner in their sin, but still we advise people to pay attention to their duties towards their relatives, which include advising them, i.e., going to them and explaining to them that this – watching haraam things – is haraam. Then you will have done your duty of advising them and treating them well. (Liqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh by Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 148). The Muslim must also pay attention to his children when they go to visit these relatives; he should not let his children sit with them when they are watching haraam things. The Muslim who is sincere can, if he is smart, divert the relatives and others with some interesting talk or useful activities to distract them from watching these haraam things; he can strive to make other, permissible forms of entertainment available (such as some sports activities or games or useful computer games, etc.) This will give the others an alternative to watching haraam things, at least in part. We ask Allaah to reform us all, for He is the Guide to the Straight Path. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 1398: Du’aa’ for guidance of someone close Question: what would be a good du’a or ayah to recite if you want Allah to open the heart of someone very close to you to Islam? 99

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The best thing to do in this situation is to pray for guidance for that person. This is what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did, as is reported in a number of ahadeeth, such as the following: Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that Tufayl ibn ‘Amr al-Dawsi and his companions came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, Daws have rebelled and disobeyed, so pray to Allaah against them.” People said, “Now Daws are doomed!” He said, “O Allaah, guide Daws and bring them here.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 2937). Abu Hurayrah said: “I was calling my mother to Islam, when she was still a mushrik. One day I called her to Islam and she said something about the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that upset me. I came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), weeping, and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I was calling my mother to Islam and she refused. Today I called her and she said something about you that upset me. Pray to Allaah to guide the mother of Abu Hurayrah.’ So the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘O Allaah, guide the mother of Abu Hurayrah.’ I left, feeling hopeful because of the Prophet’s prayer. When I got home, as I came near to the door I saw it was ajar. My mother heard my footsteps and said, ‘Stay where you are, Abu Hurayrah!’ I could hear the sound of water. She washed herself, got dressed and put on her khimaar (head covering). Then she opened the door and said, ‘O Abu Hurayrah, I bear witness that there is no god except Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and 100

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Messenger.’ I went back to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), weeping with joy, and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, good news! Allaah has answered your prayer and has guided the mother of Abu Hurayrah.’ He praised and thanked Allaah, and said, ‘That is good.’ I said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, pray to Allaah to make my mother and me dear to His believing slaves, and to make them dear to us.’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘O Allaah, make this slave of Yours (meaning Abu Hurayrah) and his mother dear to Your believing slaves, and make the believers dear to them.’ There is no believer who hears of me or sees me, but he loves me.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4546). Jaabir said: “They said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, we have suffered much from the arrows of Thaqeef (this was when they were fighting, before they became Muslim), so pray to Allaah against them.’ He said, ‘O Allaah, guide Thaqeef.’” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said: this is a hasan saheeh ghareeb hadeeth. Sunan al-Tirmidhi, no. 3877). We ask Allaah the Most Generous, Lord of the Mighty Throne, to guide your loved one to Islam soon, by His Grace and Mercy. Allaah is the One Who guides to the Straight Path. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 793: Dealing with hurtful relatives Question: This is regarding family matters and disputes. 101

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I have a maternal uncle who creates alot of trouble for my family. His wife and children have even went to the limits of taking my mother to court, and falsely bearing witness that she physically assaulted them and threatened to kill them. There are numerous things they do, but, my uncle after a few months fights with his children and comes back and asks my mother for forgiveness. She forgives him, and he starts pretending he is a maskeen. But, he continues to support his children and wife who hurt my mother numerously. Anyway, I asked my mother, NOT to talk to him anymore. She claims we have to forget and forgive. But, surely there are limitations. Anyway, is it wrong to ask my mother, not to associate with him anymore. Is it wrong for me to continue to refuse to have anything to do with him or his family. I DO NOT wish to forget or forgive, especially, when there is no change in his behavior. Any Advice is appreciated. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If you want to deal with him on the basis of justice, then it is permissible for you to respond in like to his unkind words, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And if you punish (your enemy), then punish them with the like of that with which you were afflicted…” [al-Nahl 16:126]. But if you bear it with patience, that will be better for you, as Allaah says at the end of the same aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “… But if you endure patiently, verily, it is better for al-saabireen (the patient ones).” [al-Nahl 16:126] 102

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If you want to turn enmity into love, then treat him well, if he treats you badly, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better, then verily! He between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend.” [Fussilat 41:34] The words, “The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal” mean that there is a huge difference between the two. “Repel (the evil) with one which is better,” means that when someone treats you badly, answer back with something better, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “There is no better punishment for the person who sinned by being bad to you, than your obeying Allaah by being good to him in return.” (Tafseer Ibn Katheer). A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I have relatives with whom I try to keep in touch, but they cut me off; I treat them well, but they treat me badly; I try to be kind to them, but they are cruel to me.” He said: “If you are as you say, it is as if you are putting hot ashes in their mouths. You will continue to have support from Allaah against them so long as you continue doing that.” (Reported by Muslim, no. 2558) Our advice to you, our sister, is to be tolerant and forgiving. Follow your mother’s advice. It is clear from your question that this man has room to regret and retract his bad actions. Allaah tells us (interpetation of the meaning): “ … whoever forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allaah…” [al-Shoora 42:40] However, all of this does not prevent us from protecting ourselves from the evil and harm that such relatives may cause. If going to their houses, for example, will cause 103

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some kind of offence or harm, then the relationship can be limited to telephone calls, kind words, the occasional gift and so on. The relationship can be maintained at a distance, if being too close will cause problems. We ask Allaah to guide us all, to help us not to bear any grudges towards anyone, and to treat one another properly. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 1808: Advice: Separating women from non-mahram* men in family visits Question: What advice can you give Muslim families in regards to family visits and gatherings? Answer: People are civil and sociable by nature: they must have friends, and friendship involves visiting one another. When visits are between families, we must pay attention to an important matter which will close the door to evil, by not allowing mixing between the sexes. One of the indications that mixing is haraam is the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “… And when you ask (the Prophet’s wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts…” [al-Ahzaab 33:53] 104

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If we examine the evil results of mixing in family gatherings, we will find many examples of corruption and immorality, for example: In most cases, women’s hijaab in mixed gatherings is either non-existant or not correct. These women display the beauty which Allaah has forbidden them to show to anyone before whom they are not allowed to uncover, as it says in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “… and not to reveal their adornment …” [al-Noor 24:31] It even happens that women who adorn themselves in mixed gatherings never adorn themselves for their husbands. When men see women in mixed gatherings, this destroys their religious commitment and morals, and provokes forbidden desires. Terrible arguments and marital separations may result, when one looks at or winks at the wife of another, or they laugh and joke together. When the couple returns home, the settling of accounts begins: Man: “Why did you laugh at so-and-so’s words, when he never said anything funny? Woman: “And why did you wink at so-and-so?” Man: “When he speaks you understand him readily, but when I speak you never understand me!” So the exchange of accusations goes on, until it ends in hatred or even divorce, in some cases. Some men and women may begin to regret their luck in marriage, when they begin to compare their spouses with those of their friends. A man may say to himself, “Soand-so joins in discussions and is well-educated, but my wife is ignorant and is not educated at all…” And a woman 105

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may say to herself, “So-and-so is so lucky, her husband is so eloquent and smart, and my husband is so boring and speaks without thinking…” This destroys the marriage relationship and leads to bad treatment on the part of both spouses. Some may show off to others by making false claims about what they do not have, so that one man may issue instructions to his wife in front of other men so that he can pretend to have a strong personality, when at home he is like a tame pussy-cat. A woman may borrow gold so that others in the gathering may think she owns so much, but the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The one who claims to have what he does not own is as it were wearing a garment of falsehood.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 9/317) These mixed night-time gatherings are often a waste of time, filled with idle gossip and other sins of the tongue, whilst small children are left at home (so that the gathering will not be spoiled by their crying!) These night-time gatherings may become even worse and involve other major sins, such as drinking and gambling, especially among the so-called upper class. Another of the major sins that may result is the desire to follow the kuffaar and be like them in dress and other habits and customs. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad, 2/50; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2828) In family gatherings, women should be separated from non-mahram men, and the gatherings should serve some useful purpose, such as remembrance of Allaah (dhikr), 106

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seeking beneficial knowledge or discussing social problems or things that can benefit the family in this life. We ask Allaah to keep us safe and healthy. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. * Translator’s note: “mahram” refers to a blood-relative to whom marriage is permanently forbidden, such as a woman’s father, brother, son, uncle, etc. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 701: Cutting off ties with a non-Muslim sister Question: I entered Islaam five years ago, and my family find it hard to accept. My sister cut off ties with me for a year, then she got in touch and asked me to forgive her, which I did. But she has not stopped insulting my Islaam and attacking me at every chance she gets. I told her several times that she is hurting me, but she didn’t stop. After years of suffering, I sent her a letter telling me to contact me only if her attitude changed, otherwise, not to get in touch. Did I do the right thing? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Because of the insults that you suffered, there is nothing wrong with what you did, in sha Allaah. This would not be considered as “breaking family ties”, and it may give her the opportunity to think about what she has done. Al-‘Allaamah al’Safaareeni, may Allaah have mercy on him, said in his book Ghidhaa’ al-Albaab: “Ibn Abi Hamzah said: ‘The ties of kinship may be by money, by helping at times of need, by warding off harm, by meeting 107

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them with a smiling face, and by praying for them. The general meaning is that one helps them in good ways as much as possible and helps them to resist or fight evil as much as possible. This is the case if one’s relatives are righteous, but if they are kaafirs or are wrongdoers, then cutting off ties with them for the sake of Allaah is how one maintains the tie, on the condition that one tries to warn them, and tells them that the reason for cutting the ties is because of their deviation from the truth. At the same time, the connection of making du’aa’ for them should remain, and you should pray for them in their absence that Allaah will guide them to the Right Path. (al-Tuhfah: Ghidha’ al-Albaab, 1/356). And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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Chapter 5 Etiquette of sneezing 34523: If he sneezes or hears a donkey braying whilst praying, should he say the dhikr narrated in the Sunnah? Question: If a person sneezes whilst praying, should he say “Alhamdu Lillaah (praise be to Allaah)”? And if he hears a donkey braying, should he say “A’oodhu Billaahi min alShaytaan il-rajeem (I seek refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan)?”. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. With regard to sneezing, it is narrated in the Sunnah that a worshipper should say al-hamdu Lillaah if he sneezes. With regard to seeking refuge with Allaah from the accursed Shaytaan when hearing a donkey braying (whilst one is praying), there is no report in the Sunnah to that effect. Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said: If a person sneezes whilst praying, he should say Alhamdu Lillah, as was narrated in the saheeh report of the story of Mu’aawiyah ibn al-Hakam (may Allaah be pleased with him) when he started to pray with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), then a man among the people sneezed and said, “Al-hamdu Lillaah.” Mu’aawiyah said to him, “Yarhamuk Allaah (may Allaah 109

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have mercy on you).” The people glared at Mu’aawiyah, denouncing him for speaking. He said: “May my mother be bereft of me!” then they started to beat their hands on their thighs, indicating to him to be quiet, so he was quiet. When the prayer was over, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) called him. Mu’aawiyah said: May my father and mother be sacrificed for him. By Allaah, he did not scold me or beat me or rebuke me. He said: “This prayer should not include anything of people’s talk; rather it is tasbeeh (saying ‘Subhaan Allaah’ – glory be to Allaah), takbeer (saying ‘Allaahu akbar’ – Allaah is Most Great) and reciting Qur’aan.” Narrated by Muslim, 537; Abu Dawood, 930. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not tell off the one who sneezed and said Al-hamdu Lillaah whilst praying, which indicates that if a person sneezes during the prayer he should say al-hamdu Lillaah, because there is a reason for doing so. But that does not apply to every dhikr for which the reason for saying it occurs whilst one is praying. Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 13/342. And he was asked: Is it permissible for one who is praying to say al-hamdu Lillaah if he sneezes, and to seek refuge with Allaah if he hears a donkey braying? Is there a difference between obligatory prayers and naafil prayers in that regard? He replied: With regard to saying al-hamdu Lillaah if he sneezes and seeking refuge with Allaah if he hears a donkey braying, that is permissible according to the view favoured by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him), but it is makrooh according to the well known 110

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view of the madhhab of Imam Ahmad. The more correct view is that favoured by Shaykh al-Islam with regard to saying al-hamdu Lillaah if one sneezes. With regard to seeking refuge with Allaah when hearing a donkey braying, it is better not to do that. The difference between them is that saying al-hamdu Lillaah when sneezing is mentioned in the Sunnah, and because it is prescribed by a specific command, unlike when a donkey brays, which is does not concern him, and the worshipper should not let himself be distracted by sounds outside the prayer. With regard to the above, it makes no difference whether the prayer is a prescribed (obligatory) prayer or a naafil (supererogatory) prayer.” Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 13/342. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 3488: Saying “Yarhamuk Allaah (May Allaah have mercy on you)” to one who sneezes Question: If a Muslim sneezes and does not say “Al-hamdu Lillaah (praise be to Allaah), does he deserve to have others say “ Yarhamuk Allaah ” to him? Is it better to say “ Yarhamuk Allaah ” to him or not to say it? Has anything concerning this been narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) or not? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. He does not deserve that, and it is makrooh to say “Yarhamuk Allaah” to him. It was reported in the two Saheehs of al-Bukhaari and Muslim that Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: ‘Two men sneezed in the presence of the Prophet (peace 111

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and blessings of Allaah be upon him). He said “Yarhamuk Allaah” to one of them and not to the other. The one to whom he did not say it said, “So and so sneezed and you said, ‘Yarhamuk Allaah’ to him, and I sneezed but you did not say it to me.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He said ‘Al-hamdu Lillaah’, and you did not.” According to Saheeh Muslim, Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say, ‘When one of you sneezes and says “al-hamdu Lillaah”, then say “Yarhamuk Allaah” to him, but if he does not say “al-hamdu Lillaah”, then do not say “Yarhamuk Allaah” to him.’” In Saheeh al-Bukhaari it is reported from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When any one of you sneezes, let him say ‘Al-hamdu Lillaah’ and let his brother or companion say to him, ‘Yarhamuk Allaah.’ If he says ‘Yarhamuk Allaah’ to him, let him say, ‘Yahdikum Allaahu wa yusliha baalakum (May Allaah guide you and reform your thinking).’” From Fatawa al-Imaam al-Nawawi, p. 67 (www.islamqa.com) 2750: Why do Muslims say “Al-hamdu Lillah” after they sneeze? Question: Assalamu Alikum, I was wondering if you could explain why Muslims say, “Alhumdulliah” after they sneeze? Please reply as soon as possible...Thank You… 112

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It was proven in the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah likes the act of sneezing and dislikes the act of yawning, so if any one of you sneezes and praises Allaah (says “al-hamdu Lillaah”), it is a duty on every Muslim who hears him to say to him, “Yarhamuk Allaah (may Allaah have mercy on you).” As for yawning, it is from the Shaytaan, so if any of you feels the urge to yawn, he should suppress it as much as he can, for when any one of you yawns, the Shaytaan laughs at him.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 10/505) It was also reported from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any one of you sneezes, let him say ‘Al-hamdu Lillaah,’ and let his brother or his companion say, ‘Yarhamuk Allaah.’ And if he says to him, ‘Yarhamuk Allaah,’ let him say, ‘Yahdeekum Allaahu wa yusliha baalakum (May Allaah guide you and correct your thinking).’” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 10/502) Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that two men sneezed in the presence of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said “Yarhamuk Allaah” to one of them, but not to the other. The one to whom he did not say it said: “So and so sneezed, and you said ‘Yarhamuk Allaah’ to him; I sneezed but you did not say it to me.” He said, “He praised Allaah (said ‘al-hamdu Lillaah’) and you did not.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 10/ 504) Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When one of you sneezes and praises Allaah, then say ‘Yarhamuk 113

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Allaah’ to him, but if he does not praise Allaah then do not say it.” (Reported by Muslim 2992) Sneezing brings a person the blessing of relief by releasing vapours that were trapped in the head which, if they were to remain there, would cause him pain and sickness. For this reason, Islam tells him to praise Allaah for this blessing and for the fact that his body is still intact after this jolt that shook him like an earthquake… for sneezing causes a disturbing movement in the body… It was said (concerning the origin of the word “tashmeet” [which is translated here as “saying ‘yarhamuk Allaah’, but the original meaning is to tell someone to rejoice at another’s ‘misfortune’]): this is telling him to feel joyful because he has annoyed the Shaytaan by praising Allaah for the blessing of sneezing and its association with things that Allaah likes. When a person mentions Allaah and praises Him, this annoys the Shaytaan in several ways, for example: the act of sneezing itself, which Allaah likes; his praising Allaah for it; the Muslims praying for mercy for him; and his prayer for them to be guided. All of this annoys the Shaytaan and makes him upset, so the believer is told to rejoice over this annoyance of his enemy. Praying for mercy for the one who sneezes is called tashmeet because it implies that he should rejoice over the annoyance of his enemy. This is a good meaning which people should bear in mind when they sneeze or say ‘yarhamuk Allaah’ to one who sneezes, and they should appreciate the blessing of sneezing for the body and mind, and understand why Allaah likes it. Praise be to Allaah as is His due for He is the Most Generous and Majestic. The scholar Ibn Muflih al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) reported that Imaam Ibn Hubayrah said: “Al-Raazi reported from some doctors: sneezing is not a sign of the onset of sickness, unless it is accompanied by catarrh.” Ibn Hubayrah said: “If a person sneezes, this is 114

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an indication of good health, sound digestion and physical strength, so he should praise Allaah. This is why the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded us to praise Allaah.” It is also important to know that the Muslim should submit to the texts and act in accordance with them, without trying too hard to understand precisely why a text commands or forbids something. He should believe that Allaah is the Wise and Aware, Who doe not prescribe anything for His slaves unless it is in their best interests, in this world and the next, even though it may not cross their minds and some people may understand part of the wisdom behind it whilst others will never know. The Muslim’s basic rule is to follow the commands, and if he has some knowledge of the reason behind the commands, then praise be to Allaah. And Allaah knows best. For further details on the rules concerning sneezing, see: Al-Aadaab al-Shara’iyyah by Ibn Muflih, 2/334; Zaad al-Ma’aad by Ibn al-Qayyim, 2/438; Ghadhaa’ al-Albaab by al-Safaareeni, 1/441 Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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Chapter 6 Neighbour’s Rights 1963: Helping sinful neighbours Question: Assalamu’alaykum In my neighborhood there are many needy people. My question is if they request me for some money which alhamdulillah I have right now, can I give it to them knowing that they will not only use it to buy food but also drugs and alcohol? Some of these needy people are Muslims also. Some people say that I should not give them any money until I have proof that they are not buying anything illegal or haraam. Others say that I should keep giving them money but calmly give them a little da’wah. May Allah most high reward you for your answer. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You can buy things they need, such as food, clothing and so on, or you can let them buy things that are permissible, and pay the bill for them, whilst continuing to advise them, warn them, and call them to Islam, because your neighbours’ rights over you are great indeed. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Jibreel kept advising me of the rights of neighbours so much that I thought he would make them my heirs.” (Agreed upon). 116

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And Allaah is the Source of help. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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Chapter 7 Etiquette of eating and drinking 20847: Is it permissible for a woman to do her household duties when she is junub? Question: Is it permissible for a woman to do her usual household duties such as cooking, looking after the children, and housework, before she does ghusl following intercourse?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is haraam for the person who is junub (in a state of impurity following sexual activity) to pray, perform tawaaf, stay in the mosque, recite Qur’aan or touch the Mushaf. Everything else is permissible. There is nothing wrong with a woman who is junub cooking, looking after her house, taking care of her children or fulfilling any other needs. This is indicated by several pieces of evidence including the following: (a) It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) met him on one of the roads of Madeenah when he was junub. He said: I turned back and went and did ghusl, then I came. He said: “Where were you, O Abu Hurayrah?” I said: “I was junub and I did not like to sit with you when I was not in a state of purity.” He said, “Subhaan Allaah, the Muslim does not become impure.” Narrated by alBukhaari, 279; Muslim, 371. 118

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Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar said: This indicates that it is permissible to delay doing ghusl from the time when it first becomes obligatory, and that it is permissible for the one who is junub to go about his business. Fath al-Baari, 1/391. It is better for the one who is junub to hasten to do ghusl, lest he forgets that he is junub. And it is recommended for him to do wudoo’ before he touches food and drink and before going to sleep. That is better than doing these things when he is junub. But this wudoo’ is not obligatory, rather it serves to reduce the impurity, and it is mustahabb. There are a number of ahaadeeth concerning that, including the following: (i) It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah said: When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was junub and wanted to eat or sleep, he would do wudoo’ as for prayer. (Narrated by Muslim, 305). (ii) It was narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that ‘Umar ibn alKhattaab asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Can one of us go to sleep when he is junub?” He said: “Yes, if he does wudoo’ then he can go to sleep when he is junub.” (narrated by al-Bukhaari, 283; Muslim, 306) Al-Nawawi said: This indicates that it is mustahabb to do wudoo’ and to wash one’s private parts before doing all these things, especially if the man wants to have intercourse with a wife with whom he has not yet had intercourse. It is definitely mustahabb to wash one’s private part. Our companions have stated that it is makrooh to sleep, eat, drink or have intercourse before doing wudoo’, and these ahaadeeth indicate that. There is no dispute among us that this wudoo’ is not obligatory. This is also the view of Maalik and the majority. Sharh Muslim, 3/217 119

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Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: It is mustahabb for the one who is junub to do wudoo’ if he wants to eat, drink, sleep or have intercourse again, but it is makrooh for him to sleep if he has not done wudoo’. It was proven in al-Saheeh that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked, “Can one of us go to sleep when he is junub?” He said: “Yes, if he does wudoo’ as for prayer…” Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 21/343 See also question no. 6533. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 42958: He found a kaafir on the road – can he give him a ride? Question: If a person finds a non-Muslim person on the road and he asks him for a ride, what is the ruling? Is it permissible to eat food that has been touched by kaafirs’ hands?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If you find a non-Muslim person on the road, there is nothing wrong with you giving him a ride, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 120

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“Allaah does not forbid you to deal justly and kindly with those who fought not against you on account of religion nor drove you out of your homes. Verily, Allaah loves those who deal with equity” [al-Mumtahanah 60:8] With regard to eating food touched by the hands of kaafirs, it is permissible, because the naajasah (impurity) of the kaafir is metaphorical not physical. From Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), 3/44. (www.islam-qa.com) 32736: Family restaurants Question:

What is your opinion on taking my wife to a restaurant, if there are booths? Please note that we are committed Muslims. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Nowadays there has appeared among some Muslim families and Muslim woman a phenomenon that is foreign to the conservative Muslim society that seeks to protect and shield women. It is the phenomenon of going to family restaurants or restaurants with family sections. The one who examines the situation through the lens of sharee’ah and with proper insight will see that this involves a number of dangers and things that are forbidden according to sharee’ah. 121

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For example: 1 – The barriers that are present in many of these restaurants do not conceal women properly as required by sharee’ah and screen them completely from nonmahram men. That is either because the barriers are too short or because there is a gap at the bottom through which their feet and legs can be seen, or they are too transparent, so that it is possible to see something of the woman’s body; or parts of the wall or screen are cut away in a design so that it is possible to see through it. In the family sections of some of these restaurants there are no divisions at all between the family tables, rather the walls are between the place where men sit and the place where families sit. Undoubtedly this arrangement makes it possible for the members of one family to see any member of another family. 2 – It is well known that many of the woman who sit in these family sections are careless about proper Islamic hijab, and they show their faces, hair, feet or even more than that, and even most of the women who wear hijab uncover their faces when eating, so if the walls are as described above, then people will see that which Allaah has forbidden them to uncover. 3 – In most of these restaurants the waiters – who are men – enter the place where women are sitting to take down their orders or to bring the food, and not all of them seek permission to enter, and not all of the women cover themselves every time a waiter comes in. Rather many woman do not care about wearing hijab in front of men of different nationalities. 4 – These places have become frequented by some immoral people, who may get to know a girl and take her to these restaurants, pretending that she is his wife, so 122

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these family sections become a convenient place for those who seek to do haraam things. 5 – Some girls from rich families have started to hold parties for their classmates from school or college on various occasions in these restaurants, and it is well known that many of them do not adhere to proper Islamic hijab, and some of their guardians are lenient with these girls, on the grounds that they are young, even though their physical appearance is sufficient for there to be fitnah (temptation). So each girl has a driver who takes her to the family restaurant where the party is being held, even though that involves a great evil. 6 – In view of the large amount of money that is spend in these meals – especially since most of these restaurants charge a great deal – we see that eating in these restaurants is a kind of extravagance (israaf), in addition to the fact that leftover food is usually thrown away, unlike what would happen if these people were to eat at home. Being economical is, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, one of the twenty-seven parts of Prophethood. (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, no. 2010; this is a saheeh hadeeth). 7 – When women visit family restaurants this leads to an increase in their going out of their houses for no need. This goes against the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance” [al-Ahzaab 33:33] It is well known that sharee’ah does not want women to have the habit of coming and going all the time, because 123

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that leads to evil consequences, one of the greatest of which is the gradual loss of modesty. 8 – The cleanliness and health benefits of food made at home are much better than those of food cooked in restaurants, since many of the cooks in the so-called refined restaurants are kaafirs who do not pay any attention to matters of purity and impurity. Visitors to restaurants often suffer from diarrhoea and food poisoning. More important than all that is the fact that those who eat in these restaurants do not know what kind of meat is used in the food, unlike food cooked at home, which is made where a person can see it and know what it is. Because of these concerns and others, the Muslim should keep his family away from these places and obey the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they receive from Allaah, but do that which they are commanded” [al-Tahreem 66:6] Some may claim that this going out is for the purpose of leisure and a change of scene, and that the woman’s husband or guardian will be with her, and she will turn her back to the door and the waiters in the restaurant will ask permission before entering, and that she will cover her face when they come in, and that she will be wearing full hijab, or the staff will be women, and that there will be no music in the restaurant, or that the place where families sit is a closed-off room, and that this going out happens only once a month and will not become a habit, and that the money that will be spent is a moderate amount. I do not want to be too strict in refuting these claims, 124

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because there may in fact – albeit rarely – some places where these precautions are taken. But I will say that if we want to be honest with ourselves and do the right thing then what – I wonder – is the result of if we compare what really happens with these precautions. What is the ratio of those who apply these precautions in real life? Even if some good people do that in some restaurants, what will the masses make of that? I do not deny that there may sometimes be cases of necessity – and not the laziness of the housewife – when food from restaurants is needed, such as when one is travelling, or because of circumstances affecting the housewife, but there are solutions which spare us the need to take our womenfolk into the restaurants, such as using home delivery services, or bringing instant food to the house or hotel room, whilst asking the women what they want to have brought to them from the menu or buffet. In general, going to the restaurant when needed is completely different from the results when one goes there by choice or for leisure. I ask Allaah to help us to protect our families and to help us to follow the truth and to guide us to the straight path. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions. Shaykh Muhammad Saalih al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 25824: How sound is the hadeeth “Praise be to Allaah who has fed me and granted me provision”? Question: The dua reading after eating, “Alhamdulillah hillazi atamani wa razaqanihe wa ja alani minal muslimeen” is 125

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from weak hadeth but I have not the proof of it. some one is asking for proof. can please you explain it. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The wording of the hadeeth is: It was narrated that Abu Sa’eed (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: When the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ate or drank something, he would say, ‘Al-hamdu Lillaah illadhi at’amana wa saqaana wa ja’alana Muslimeen (Praise be to Allaah Who has given us food and drink and made us Muslims).” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 3850; al-Tirmidhi, 3457. Shaykh al-‘Albaani said in his commentary on al-Kalim al-Tayyib (189) by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah: Its isnaad is da’eef, because the narrators were confused about it, as explained by al-Haafiz in al-Tahdheeb; and by al-Haafiz al-Mazzi before him in Tuhfat al-Ashraaf, 3/353-354; and by Imam al-Bukhaari before them in alTaareekh al-Kabeer, 1/1/353-354; and by al-Nasaa’i in al-Yawm wa’l-Laylah, 288-290. And al-Tirmidhi, despite his well known lenience, did not class it as hasan, There are similar ahaadeeth which are proven from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) concerning this matter, such as the following: - It was narrated from Abu Umaamah that when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had finished eating – and one time he said, When the table was cleared – he would say, “Al-hamdu Lillaah illadhi kafaana wa arwaana ghayra makfiyyin wa laa makfoor (Praise be to Allaah Who has satisfied our needs and quenched our thirst. Your favour cannot be compensated 126

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or denied).” And on one occasion he said, “Al-hamdu Lillaahi rabbina ghayr mukfiyyin wa laa muwadda’in wa la mustaghna rabbana (Praise be to Allaah our Lord. Your favour cannot be compensated, nor can be left, nor can be dispensed with, O our Lord).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5459. - It was narrated that Abu Ayyoob al-Ansaari said: When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) ate or drank something, he would say, “Alhamdu Lillaah illadhi at’ama wa saqaa wa sawwaghahu wa ja’ala lahu makhrajan (Praise be to Allaah Who has given food and drink, dame it easy to swallow and has made a way out for it). Narrated by Abu Dawood (3851) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Saheehah (2061). And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 13739: Eating leftovers from a Thanksgiving meal so that it will not be thrown away Question: My mother invites my family to eat on Thanksgiven day after her guess are gone because she doesn’t want to waste the food. Is it permissable for my family to go to her home or eat the food left from her dinner? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. That is permissible, because food is respectable and pure, and that is better than throwing it 127

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away. It is permissible to eat the food of the Christians because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “The food (slaughtered cattle, eatable animals) of the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) is lawful to you and yours is lawful to them” [al-Maa’idah 5:5] So there is nothing wrong with that. Their bread, their food, and whatever dishes and sweets etc they cook are all good and pure, and there is nothing wrong with them. But if the food has been made for that celebration, it is not permissible to be there at the time of the party, but after the party it is permissible to eat the food and that is better than throwing it away. Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen (www.islam-qa.com) 21917: Eating from a table Question: What should a muslim do who wants to follow the sunnah, but the people you are visiting are not following the sunnah, for example they are eating from a dining table. Do I have the right to sit on the floor or should I follow the housefolk? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never ate at a table. In Saheeh alBukhaari (6450) it was narrated that Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never ate at a table 128

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(khiwaan) until he died and he never ate soft bread until he died.” It says in ‘Awn al-Ma’bood: “The khiwaan is a table made of wood with legs on each side; eating from such a table is the habit of those who live a life of luxury, so that they do not have to bend over and tilt their heads when eating.” There is no doubt that it is permissible to eat at a khiwaan or at a high table, and to eat soft bread. But the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) refrained from those things out of humility and as a sign of his giving up the pleasures of this world. Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar said: “The fact that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) refrained from eating at tables and eating soft bread meant that he was giving up the pleasures of this world in return for the pleasures of the abiding world (of the Hereafter).” This does not justify denouncing those who do things like that. If a person visits people and finds them eating at a table, there is nothing wrong with him eating with them at the table. They would find it very strange indeed if he were to go away and sit on the floor on his own; he should not make them do that, rather he should accept their invitation and eat with them. If he explains to them what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, and reminds them of asceticism (zuhd), that is very good. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 21652: Is it permissible to drink in one breath? Question: I come home thirsty and I drink a cup of water in one breath. Is this OK? 129

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade breathing into one’s drink. A man said to him, “O Messenger of Allaah, my thirst is not quenched in one breath.” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him: “Remove the cup from your mouth, then take a breath.” He said, “What if I see specks in it?” He said, “Then pour them out.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1887; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 385). Shaykh al-Albaani said, discussing what we learn from this hadeeth: It is permissible to drink in one breath, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not denounce the man when he said, “My thirst is not quenched in one breath.” If drinking in one breath were not permissible, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would have explained that to him, and he would have said, for example, “And it is permissible to drink in one breath?!” That would have been more appropriate than saying, “Remove the cup from your mouth…” if that were not permissible. What he did say indicates that it is permissible to drink in one breath, and that if he wants to take a breath he should do so outside the vessel. This is what is clearly stated in the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘When any one of you drinks, let him not breathe into the vessel. If he wants to take a breath, then let him remove the cup from his mouth, then if he wants to drink more he may do so.” (al-Saheehah, 386). 130

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Al-Haafiz said in al-Fath: “Maalik used this as evidence to indicate that it is permissible to drink in one breath. Ibn Abi Shaybah narrated that doing so is permissible from Sa’eed ibn alMusayyib and a group [of scholars]. ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al‘Azeez said: what he forbade was breathing into the vessel, but if a person does not breathe into the vessel, if he wishes he may drink in one breath.” Furthermore, what was said above about it being permissible to drink in one breath does not contradict the fact that the Sunnah is to drink in three breaths. Both are permissible, but the latter is preferable, because of the hadeeth of Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: “When he drank he would take a breath three times, and he said, that is more enjoyable and more healthy.” (Narrated by Muslim. Al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, hadeeth no. 385, 386. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 9894: Is it Sunnah to sit on the floor to eat? Question: i have a confusion regarding sunnah. two knowledgeable men in usa said two different things. i heard that sunnah is an action that if you do it you are rewarded and if you don;t do it , then there is no sin upon you. so about the issue of following the Prophet in details such as sitting on the floor to eat. the question was posed to two different 131

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people here, both knowledgeable, one of them said if you are sitting on the floor to eat with the intention of following the rasool then you will be rewarded for it. the other shaykh said no there is no reward for it because it is a worldly matter. What is the correct opinion ? this is important because if there is no reward i’d rather sit on the table and eat or wear non-sunnah clothes if it is merely a wordly matter. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 1. The Muslim is required to follow the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) because he is the best example for this ummah. 2. The scholars have divided the actions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) into a number of categories: a. Thoughts and ideas that cross the mind, and physical movements such as how one moves one’s limbs and body. These are matters in which there is no command to follow him and there is no prohibition against doing so. b. Matters which have nothing to do with worship and have to do with human nature, such as how one stands, sits, etc. It is not commanded to follow the Prophet’s example in these matters, but according to the majority of scholars it is permissible to do so. c. Matters which may move beyond spontaneous human actions to the field of legislation (being prescribed in Islam) because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) persisted in doing them in a certain manner. These include matters of eating, drinking, dressing and sleeping, especially those concerning which the Prophet 132

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(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave specific guidance. The correct view is that these are included in matters which are prescribed in Islam. This is the view of al-Shaafa’i and was regarded as more correct by alShawkaani in his book Irshaad al-Fuhool. This category includes the matters asked about in the question. d. Matters which are known to be applicable only to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), such as continual fasting [i.e., fasting for more than one day without breaking the fast at night] and having more than four wives. These apply only to him and not to anyone else. And there are other categories… (Irshaad al-Fuhool by al-Shawkaani, p. 160). 3. It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to eat (sitting) on the ground. And it was narrated that he said: “I eat as a slave eats and I sit as a slave sits.” (Narrated by Abu Ya’laa, 8/318) This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-‘Allaamah alAlbaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) in al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 544. It was also narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never ate at a khiwaan or a sikrujjah, and he never had any soft bread.” I said to Qutaadah: “What did he used to eat from?” He said, “A cloth (spread on the floor).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5099). A khiwaan is a kind of tray on which food is placed. A sikrujjah is a vessel in which appetizers are placed. 133

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In such matters it is not obligatory for the Muslim to follow the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), but he may still do so. If a Muslim eats at a table, there is no sin on him. With regard to clothing, we are obliged to dress differently from the people of the Book and all other kaafirs, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) issued commands to that effect, and warned against dressing like the kuffaar. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.” (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4031) This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwaa’ al-Ghaleel, 8/49. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas: “This is one of the garments of the kuffaar, do not wear it.” Narrated by Muslim, 2077. ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) told ‘Utbah ibn Farqad: “Beware of the manner of dressing of the people of shirk.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2069). Conclusion: It is mustahabb (recommended, encouraged) for the Muslim to follow the example of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in the matters mentioned in the question, i.e., eating and drinking (seated) on the ground, but there is no sin in eating at a table. With regard to clothing, the Muslim is commanded to dress in Muslim clothes and to dress differently than the mushrikeen. And Allaah knows best. 134

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Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 6503: Eating habits and diet of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) Question: What were the diet and eating habits of the Prophet , and his Companians? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The Prophet’s guidance with regard to food is perfect guidance. It was described by Ibn al-Qayyim as follows: When he put his hand in the food, he would say, “Bismillaah (in the Name of Allaah), and he told people to say this when eating. He said, “When any one of you eats, let him mention the name of Allaah. If he forgets to mention the name of Allaah at the beginning, let him say Bismillaahi fi awwalihi wa aakhirihi (in the name of Allaah at its beginning and at its end).” Saheeh hadeeth, narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1859) and Abu Dawood (3767). The correct view is that it is obligatory to mention the name of Allaah (say Bismillaah) when eating. The ahaadeeth which state this are saheeh and are clear, with no contradictions in them. When he raised the food to his mouth, he would say, “Alhamdu Lillaahi hamdan katheeran tayyiban mubaarakan fihi ghayri makfiyyin wa laa muwadda’ wa laa mustaghni 135

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‘anhu Rabbanaa ‘azza wa jall (Allaah be praised with an abundant, beautiful, blessed praise. He is the One Who is Sufficient, Who feeds and is never fed, The One Who is longed for, along with that which is with Him, and the One Who is needed. He is Our Lord, may He be glorified). Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5142). He never criticized food at all. If he liked it, he would eat it, and if he did not like it, he would leave it and not say anything. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3370) and Muslim (2064). Or he would say, “I do not feel like eating this.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5076) and Muslim (1946). Sometimes he would praise the food, as when he asked his family for food, and they said, “We have nothing but vinegar.” He asked for it and started to eat it, saying, “What a good food is vinegar.” Narrated by Muslim (2052) He used to talk whilst he was eating, as is seen from the report quoted above about vinegar. And he said to his step-son ‘Umar ibn Abi Salamah when he was eating with him: “Say Bismillaah and eat from that which is in front of you in the dish*.” Narrated by alBukhaari (5061) and Muslim (2022). [* At the time of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), people used to eat together from one dish, and children would sometimes forget the correct etiquette. - Translator] He would repeatedly urge his guests to eat, as generous hosts do, and as is seen in the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah, narrated by al-Bukhaari, about the story of drinking milk, where he repeatedly said to him, “Drink!” and he kept telling him to drink until he (the guest) said, “By the One Who sent you with the truth, I have no more room for it!” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (6087). 136

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When he ate with others, he would not leave until he had made du’aa’ for them. He made du’aa in the house of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Bisr, and said: “O Allaah, bless for them that which You have provided for them, forgive them and have mercy on them.” Narrated by Muslim (2042). He commanded people to eat with their right hands and forbade them to eat with their left hands. He said, “The Shaytaan eats with his left hand and drinks with his left hand.” Narrated by Muslim (2020). This implies that eating with the left hand is haraam, and this is the correct view, because the one who eats with his left hand is either a shaytaan (a devil), or he is imitating the Shaytaan. It was also reported in a saheeh hadeeth that he told a man who was eating with his left hand in his presence, “Eat with your right hand!” The man said, “I cannot.” He said, “May you never be able to!” – and the man never lifted his right hand to his mouth after that. Narrated by Muslim (2021). If it was permissible (to eat with the left hand), he would not have prayed against him for doing so. It was the man’s stubborn arrogance that made him refuse to obey the command, and this is the utmost disobedience which deserved this prayer against him. He commanded those who complained that they never felt full to eat together and not separately, and to mention the name of Allaah (say Bismillaah) over the food so that He might bless it for them.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (3764) and Ibn Maajah (3286). (See Zaad al-Ma’aad, 2/ 397-406) It was also reported that he said, “I do not eat reclining.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5083. He used to eat using the first three fingers (of his right hand), which is the best way of eating. 137

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See: Zaad al-Ma’aad, 220-222. And Allaah knows best. The Prophet’s guidance regarding diet: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to know what he was eating. He used to eat what was good for him. He used to eat enough to keep him going, but no so much as to make him fat. Ibn ‘Umar narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The believer eats in one stomach whilst the kaafir eats in seven.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5081) and Muslim (2060). He taught his ummah something to protect them from diseases caused by eating and drinking. He said: “The son of Adam does not fill any vessel worse than his stomach. It is sufficient for the son of Adam to eat a few mouthfuls, to keep him going. If he must do that (fill his stomach), then let him fill one third with food, one third with drink and one third with air.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1381), Ibn Maajah (3349); classed as saheeh by alAlbaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (2265). And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 3020: Having the habit of eating with one’s left hand Question: Because of my nephews bad habit he has great difficulty in eating with his right hand. At the moment he uses his left hand when there is nobody to remind him. I am 138

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worried about this, so, what is the fiqh ruling concerning a person who get used to eat with his left hand? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Doing good is a habit and doing evil is a habit. Man is always either making progress or falling behind. When a person gets used to doing something, he becomes very fond of it and loves it, and dislikes anything else. Then he thinks that the thing he is not used to is not possible, but this way of thinking is not right and it goes against both the laws of Islam and the facts of reality. Therefore the one who uses his left hand to eat and drink should be taught the Islamic ruling and should be reminded of the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) on this matter. When a man ate with his left hand in his presence, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Eat with your right hand.” He said, “I cannot.” He said, “May you never be able to!” Nothing was stopping him but his stubborn arrogance, and he never raised his right hand to his mouth after that. (Reported by Muslim, 3776). According to a report narrated by al-Daarimi, “his right hand never reached his mouth”. This man suffered paralysis because of the du’aa’ of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “In this hadeeth we have an indication that it is allowed to pray against a person who breaks a shar’i rule with no excuse. We also see the principle of enjoining what is good and forbidding what is evil in all situations, even with regard to eating. It encourages us to teach proper manners of eating to a person who is eating if he is doing something wrong. The hadeeth also teaches us that the 139

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Shaytaan eats with his left hand, because of the hadeeth: “When any one of you eats, let him eat with his right hand, and when he drinks, let him drink with his right hand, because the Shaytaan eats with his left hand and drinks with his left hand.” (Reported by Muslim, 3764). The Shaytaan eats with his left hand so the person who eats with his left hand resembles the Shaytaan, indeed the Shaytaan is sharing his food with him. Ahmad reported with a hasan isnaad from ‘Aa’ishah and attributed to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Whoever eats with his left hand, the Shaytaan eats with him.” (Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, commentary on hadeeth 1721). Moreover, the left hand should be reserved for removing dirt, as when cleaning oneself after going to the toilet (istinja’) and blowing one’s nose and other kinds of cleaning oneself and removing dirt. How can a person use that which is used for removing dirt and impurities for putting food in his mouth? Hafsah (may Allaah be pleased with her), the wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to use his right hand for eating, drinking and getting dressed and his left hand for everything else. (Reported by Abu Dawood, no. 30) Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “This is a fixed rule in sharee’ah. It has to do with honourable things such as putting on one’s shirt, trousers and shoes, entering the mosque, using siwaak, applying kohl, … combing and styling one’s hair, … shaving the head, giving salaam at the end of prayer, washing oneself in ghusl or wudoo’, leaving the toilet, eating, drinking, shaking hands, acknowledging the Black Stone, and other things where we are encouraged to use the right hand or start with the right. As for the opposite [things that are 140

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not honourable], such as entering the toilet, leaving the mosque, blowing one’s nose, washing oneself after using the toilet, taking off one’s shirt, trousers and shoes, and so on, then we should start with the left or use the left hand. All of this has to do with honouring the right hand or right side.” Some people may have a real problem that prevents them from using their right hand, such as being paralyzed and so on. In this case they are excused and there is no blame on them. Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “If he has an excuse for not eating and drinking with his right hand, such as sickness or an injury, then this is not makrooh…” Most likely the problem of the boy you are asking about has to do with habit, so try to get him used to eating with his right hand and keep on advising him and reminding him to do so. You could seek the help of psychiatrists, because some of them may have some useful ideas. We ask Allaah to give you strength, May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 831: Adaab UlSharab (drinking manners) Question: I am in sixth grade and am studying Islam. I am currently working on a report on the Arabian coffee ceremonies, and want to know more about the subject. Answer: All Praises are Due to Allah. Drinking coffee is a custom and not from the laws of Islam. If drinking coffee in excess 141

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becomes dangerous to the individual, then Islam prohibits it. There are no ceremonies in Islam for coffee drinking nor is drinking coffee from the particular customs of the Muslims, since Muslims as well as non-Muslims drink coffee. There are however specific manners in the Islamic law concerning drinking in general. From amongst them are the following: Drinking with the right hand. To say Bismillah before you begin to drink. Drinking at least three sips or more and not drinking the entire drink at once. To praise Allah after finishing the drink. To drink sitting down. The person giving the drink to others should drink last. The person passing out the drinks should start on his right hand side when distributing the drinks. An individual should not drink from the pitcher, but instead pour some of the drink into a dish or cup, and then drink. A person should not drink from gold or silver dishes. Your question dear young man and the information you provided indicates that you are without a religion and this is wrong because the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) stated that you were born as a Muslim and that this is your origin as well as others besides you. This is the case, until something happened to you to change that, such as other incorrect religions like Judaism, Buddhism, Christianity, or Magianism. Return back to your true origin, read about Islam, and 142

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establish prayer. I see that you have sufficient wit and intelligence to know the truth and implement it. I ask Allah to guide you and open your heart to Islam. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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Chapter 8 Manners of Greeting with Salaam 48984: Greeting the Shi’ah first Question: What is the ruling on greeting a Shi’i first with salaam? Especially since I mix with them a great deal and they do not proclaim their beliefs openly or slander (the Sahaabah) etc. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. What we say about interacting with the Shi’ah depends on the situation. The innovated beliefs of the Shi’ah vary. If it is something that does not put them beyond the pale of Islam, but is rather regarded as drifting away from the right path, such as their claiming to be devoted to Ahl alBayt (the family of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)), then it is permissible to greet them first, because they are Muslims who have committed acts of innovation and sin that do not put them beyond the pale of Islam, and we have to advise them and direct them towards the Sunnah and the truth, and warn them against innovation and sin. If they follow right guidance and accept advice, then praise be to Allaah, for this is what we want. But if they persist in following innovation, then they should be forsaken until they repent to Allaah and give up their innovations and evil ways, because this is a kind of punishment for them. If something good can be achieved by means of this forsaking, or something bad 144

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warded off, then it is prescribed in sharee’ah, but if this forsaking will result in something that will increase the evil caused by their innovations, then it is not prescribed. If you think that not forsaking them will serve a greater interest and that mixing with them and advising them is more useful in opening their hearts to true religion, then there is nothing wrong with not forsaking them, because the aim behind forsaking them is to direct them to the right way and to make them feel that we do not approve of their ways, so that they may come back to true Islam. If forsaking them will harm the Muslims’ interests and make them cling more firmly to their false ways and put them off the truth, then it is better not to do that, just as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not forsake ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Ubayy ibn Salool, the leader of the hypocrites, because not forsaking him was more in the interests of the Muslims. But if their bid’ah constitutes kufr, such as cursing the Sahaabah and exaggerating about ‘Ali and Faatimah and al-Hasan and al-Husayn (may Allaah be pleased with them), and they pray to them and seek their help and ask them for support and so on, or their belief that they have knowledge of the unseen etc, which means that they are beyond the pale of Islam, then in this case it is not permissible to greet them first or to befriend them or to eat meat slaughtered by them. Rather we must hate them and disavow ourselves of them, until they believe in Allaah alone, because in this case they are kaafirs and apostates. See Majmoo’ Fataawa Shaykh al-Islam, 28/ 216-217; Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn Baaz, 4/262-263 It should be noted here that it is not permissible to greet a kaafir first in general terms, such as saying Ahlan wa sahlan (welcome) and so on, because that involves honouring them and venerating them, and the Muslim is 145

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higher in status before Allaah, so we should not greet them first. But if they say that to us then we may greet them in the same manner as they greeted us, because Islam is the religion of justice that came to give each person his rights. Al-Majmoo’ al-Thameen min Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 1/48 See also question no. 10843 And Allaah is the source of strength. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 48966: Greeting a kaafir first Question: Is it permissible for a Muslim to great a non-Muslim first?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked about the ruling on greeting non-Muslims. He replied as follows: Greeting a non-Muslim first is haraam and is not permitted, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not initiate the greeting with the Jews and Christians, and if you meet them in the street push them towards the narrowest part of it.” But if they greet us we have to respond to them, because of the general meaning of the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 146

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“When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally” [al-Nisa’ 4:86] The Jews used to greet the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) by saying, “Al-saam ‘alaykum ya Muhammad (Death be upon you, O Muhammad),” praying that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) would die. So the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Jews say ‘al-saam ‘alaykum (death be upon you),’ so if they greet you, then say, ‘Wa ‘alaykum (and also upon you).’” If a non-Muslim greets a Muslim by saying “al-saamu ‘alaykum,” then we should respond by saying “wa ‘alaykum (and also upon you).” The fact that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said “wa ‘alaykum” indicates that if they were saying “al-salaamu ‘alaykum (peace be upon you),” then peace will also be upon them, i.e., whatever they say to us, we say to them. Hence some of the scholars said that if a Jew, Christian or other non-Muslim clearly says “al-salaamu ‘alaykum,” it is permissible for us to say “ ‘alaykum al-salaam (upon you be peace).” Similarly it is not permissible to initiate a greeting such as Ahlan wa sahlan (welcome) and the like, because that is a kind of honouring them. But if they say something like that to us, then we should say something similar to them, because the greeting should be returned in like manner and each person should be given his due. It is well known that the Muslims are higher in status before Allaah, so they should not humiliate themselves in front of non-Muslims by greeting them first. So, in conclusion, it is not permissible for us to greet nonMuslims first, because the Prophet (peace and blessings 147

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of Allaah be upon him) forbade that, and because this is a humiliation for the Muslim when he starts to honour a non-Muslim. The Muslim is higher in status before Allaah, so he should not humiliate himself in this manner. But if we are greeted then we should return the greeting in similar terms. Similarly it is not permissible for us to greet them first with words such as Ahlan wa sahlan (welcome), Marhaban (hello) and so on, because that is a kind of honouring them, so it is like initiating the greeting of salaams with them. Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 3/33. If there is a need to greet a kaafir first, there is no sin in that, but it should be something other than the greeting of salaam, such as saying Ahlan wa sahlan or How are you, etc. In that case the greeting is for a reason, not to honour him. See al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah, 25/168. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Zaad al-Ma’aad (2/424), concerning greeting a kaafir first: A group of scholars said: It is permissible to greet him first if that serves a purpose, or for fear of his harm, or because of blood ties, or for a reason that requires that. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 39258: Ruling on greeting women with salaam and returning their greeting Question: Is it permissible for me to return the salaams of a woman who is a stranger to me, i.e., a non-mahram?. 148

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: Allaah has commanded us to spread the greeting of salaam, and has enjoined us to return the greeting to all Muslims. He has made the greeting of salaam one of the things that spread love among the believers. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “ When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally. Certainly, Allaah is Ever a Careful Account Taker of all things “ [al-Nisa’4:86] And it was narrated that Abu Hurayrah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You will not enter Paradise until you (truly) believe, and you will not (truly) believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you something which, if you do it, you will love one another? Spread the greeting of salaam amongst yourselves.” Narrated by Muslim, 54. In the answer to question no. 4596, there is a lengthy discussion on the importance of greeting with salaam and returning the greeting. Secondly: The command to spread the greeting of salaam is general and applies to all the believers. It includes men greeting men and women greeting women, and a man greeting his female mahrams. All of them are enjoined to initiate the greeting of salaam, and the other is obliged to return the greeting. 149

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But there is a special ruling that applies to a man greeting a non-mahram woman, because of the fitnah (temptation) that may result from that in some cases. Thirdly: There is nothing wrong with a man greeting a non-mahram woman with salaam, without shaking hands with her, if she is elderly, but he should not greet a young woman with salaams when there is no guarantee that there will be no fitnah (temptation). This is what is indicated by the comments of the scholars, may Allaah have mercy on them. Imam Maalik was asked: Can a woman be greeted with salaam? He said: With regard to the elderly woman, I do not regard that as makrooh, but with regard to the young woman, I do not like that. Al-Zarqaani explained the reason why Maalik did not like that, in his commentary on al-Muwatta’: Because of the fear of fitnah when he hears her returning the greeting. In al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah (1/370) it says: Ibn Muflih mentioned that Ibn Mansoor said to Imam Ahmad: (What about) greeting women with salaam? He said: If the woman is old there is nothing wrong with it. Saalih (the son of Imam Ahmad) said: I asked my father about greeting women with salaam. He said: With regard to old women, there is nothing wrong with it, but with regard to young women, they should not be prompted to speak by being made to return the salaam. Al-Nawawi said in his book al-Adhkaar (p. 407): Our companions said: Women greeting women is like men greeting to men. But when it comes to women greeting men, if the woman is the man’s wife, or his concubine, or 150

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one of his mahrams, then it is like him speaking to another man; it is mustahabb for either of them to initiate the greeting of salaam and the other is obliged to return the greeting. But if the woman is a stranger (non-mahram), if she is beautiful and there is the fear that he may be tempted by her, then the man should not greet her with salaam, and if he does then it is not permissible for her to reply; she should not initiate the greeting of salaam either, and if she does, she does not deserve a response. If he responds then this is makrooh. If she is an old woman and he will not be tempted by her, then it is permissible for her to greet the man with salaam and for the man to return her salaams. If there is a group of women then a man may greet them with salaam, or if there is a group of men, they may greet a woman with salaam, so long as there there is no fear that any of the parties may be tempted. Abu Dawood (5204) narrated that Asma’ the daughter of Yazeed said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed by us woman and greeted us with salaam.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. And al-Bukhaari (6248) narrated that Sahl ibn Sa’d said: “There was an old woman of our acquaintance who would send someone to Budaa’ah (a garden of date-palms in Madeenah). She would take the roots of silq (a kind of vegetable) and put them in a cooking pot with some powdered barley. After we had prayed Jumu’ah, we would go and greet her, then she should offer (that food) to us.” Al-Haafiz said in al-Fath: Concerning the permissibility of men greeting women with salaam and women greeting men: what is meant by its being permitted is when there is no fear of fitnah. 151

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Al-Haleemi was quoted as saying: Because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was infallible and protected from fitnah. Whoever is confident that he will be safe from temptation may greet (women) with salaam, otherwise it is safer to keep silent. And al-Muhallab is quoted as saying: It is permissible for men to greet women with salaam and for women to greet men, if there is no fear of fitnah. And Allaah knows best. See Ahkaam al-’Awrah wa’l-Nazar by Musaa’id ibn Qaasim al-Faalih. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 43154: Returning greetings to kaafirs falls into three categories Question: If a kaafir greets a Muslim, should he return his greeting? If he holds out his hand to shake hands, what is the ruling? And what is the ruling on serving him by giving him tea when he is sitting in a chair?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If a kaafir greets a Muslim in a clear manner, and says, “Al-salaamu ‘alaykum (peace be upon you),” then one should say, “Wa ‘alayka al-salaam (and upon you be 152

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peace),” because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally” [al-Nisa’ 4:86] But if it is not clear, one should just say, “Wa ‘alayk (and also upon you).” Similarly if his greeting is clear and he says, “Al-saam ‘alaykum (may death be upon you),” then one should say, “Wa ‘alayk (and also upon you).” The three categories are as follows: 1 – If he clearly says, “Al-saam ‘alaykum (may death be upon you),” then one should reply, “Wa ‘alaykum (and also upon you).” 2 – If there is some doubt as to whether he said “al-saam (death)” or “al-salaam (peace),” then one should reply, “Wa ‘alaykum (and also upon you).” 3 – If he clearly says, “Al-salaamu ‘alaykum (peace be upon you),” then one should reply, “Wa ‘alaykum alsalaam (and upon you be peace),” because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally” [al-Nisa’ 4:86] Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If the listener is certain that what he said to him was “Alsalaamu ‘alaykum (peace be upon you), and he does not have any doubts about that, should he say, “Wa ‘alayka 153

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al-salaam (and upon you be peace)” or should he limit it to “wa ‘alayk (and also upon you).” What is indicated by the evidence and the basic principles of sharee’ah is that one should respond, “Wa ‘alayka al-salaam (and upon you be peace)”, because this comes under the heading of fairness and justice, and Allaah enjoins justice and kindness. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally” [al-Nisa’ 4:86] So He recommends kindness and enjoins justice. This does not contradict any of the ahaadeeth which speak of this issue, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) only enjoined limiting the response to “Wa ‘alaykum” for the reason mentioned above, which is that they used to play with the words in their greeting. Then Ibn al-Qayyim said: Even though the general meaning of the verse is applicable, this refers to the usual words of greeting, not when they are playing with the words. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And when they come to you, they greet you with a greeting wherewith Allaah greets you not, and say within themselves: ‘Why should Allaah punish us not for what we say?’” [al-Mujaadilah 58:8] If this reason does not apply, and the kitaabi (Christian or Jew) says, ‘Al-salaamu ‘alaykum wa rahmat-Allaah (peace be upon you and the mercy of Allaah),” then it is only fair and just to respond in a similar manner. Ahkaam Ahl al-Dhimmah, 200/1 In Saheeh al-Bukhaari it is narrated from Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and 154

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blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When the Jews greet you, they say, ‘Al-saam ‘alaykum (death be upon you),’ so say, ‘Wa ‘alayk (and also upon you).” If he holds out his hand to shake hands with you, then hold out your hand too, but do not initiate the handshake. With regard to serving a kaafir by giving him tea when he is sitting in a chair, this is makrooh, but there is nothing wrong with putting the cup on the table. From Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), 3/36. (www.islam-qa.com) 20818: If there is no one in the house should he still say salaam? Question: I have heard from many poeple here that when you enter your home you should say SALAAM even if no one is at home (just say it to yourself). Is is right? is so what is the DALEEL for that?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Saying salaam when entering the house is mustahabb, not obligatory, whether there is anyone in the house or not. Abu Dawood (5096) narrated that Abu Maalik al-Ash’ari said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man enters his house, let him say, ‘Allaahumma inni as’aluka khayr al-mawlaj wa khayr al-makhraj. Bismillaah walajna wa Bismillaah kharajna wa ‘ala Allaahi rabbina tawakalna (O Allaah, 155

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I ask You for the best entering and the best exiting. In the name of Allaah we enter and in the name of Allaah we leave, and in Allaah our Lord we put our trust),’ then he should say salaam to his family.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah alSaheehah, 225. Al-Tirmidhi (2698) narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me, ‘O my son, when you enter upon your family and say salaam, it will be a blessing for you and the members of your household. Al-Albaani said in Takhreej al-Mishkaat (4652): this hadeeth is hasan when all its isnaads are taken into account. These two hadeeth show that it is mustahabb for a man to greet his family with salaam when he enters his house. With regard to it being mustahabb for a man to say salaam to himself when entering a house where there is no one, the scholars quoted evidence for that. 1 – The general meaning of the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “But when you enter the houses, greet one another with a greeting from Allaah (i.e. say: AsSalaamu ‘Alaykum — peace be on you), blessed and good”[al-Noor 24:61] Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his book al-Adhkaar (p. 49): It is mustahabb to say Bismillaah (in the name of Allaah) and to remember Allaah a great deal, and to say salaam, whether there is any human being in the house or not, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But when you enter the houses, greet one another with 156

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a greeting from Allaah (i.e. say: AsSalaamu ‘Alaykum — peace be on you), blessed and good” [al-Noor 24:61] Al-Haafiz said: It comes under the general meaning of spreading salaam, and saying salaam to oneself when entering a place where there is no one, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But when you enter the houses, greet one another with a greeting from Allaah (i.e. say: AsSalaamu ‘Alaykum — peace be on you)…” [al-Noor 24:61] Some mufassireen – such as Ibn Jareer – interpreted the aayah as meaning “greet one another” [as in the translation of the meaning quoted here]. This is like the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And do not kill yourselves (nor kill one another)”[alNisa’ 4:29] Al-Qurtubi said: The more correct view is to say that this is general and applies to everyone who enters a house. If there is a Muslim person in the house he should say “Alsalaamu ‘alaykum wa rahmat-Allaahi wa barakaatuhu (peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allaah, and His blessings).” If there is no one there, he should say, “Alsalaamu ‘alayna wa ‘ala ‘ibaad-Illaah il-saaliheen (peace be upon us and upon the righteous slaves of Allaah).” If there is someone in the house who is not a Muslim, he should say, “Al-salaam ‘ala man ittaba’a al-huda (peace be upon those who follow true guidance)” or “Al-salaamu ‘alayna wa ‘ala ‘ibaad-Illaah il-saaliheen (peace be upon us and upon the righteous slaves of Allaah).” 2 – That is narrated from some of the Sahaabah. Al-Bukhaari narrated in al-Adab al-Mufrad (1055) that 157

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Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “When you enter an uninhabited house, say “Al-salaamu ‘alayna wa ‘ala ‘ibaad-Illaah il-saaliheen (peace be upon us and upon the righteous slaves of Allaah).” Al-Haafiz said: Its isnaad is hasan; and it was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Adab al-Mufrad, 806. Mujaahid said: When you enter the mosque, say, “Alsalaam ‘ala Rasool-Illaah (Peace be upon the Messenger of Allaah),” and when you enter upon your family, greet them with salaam, and when you enter a house in which there is no one, say “Al-salaamu ‘alayna wa ‘ala ‘ibaadIllaah il-saaliheen (peace be upon us and upon the righteous slaves of Allaah).” Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 3/306. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 22812: Adding the word “ta’aala” to the greeting of salaam Question: I am accustomed to greeting people by saying “Al-salaamu ‘alaykum wa rahmat-Allaah ta’aala wa barakaatuhu (Peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allaah, may He be exalted, and His blessings).” Sometimes when I climb the minbar to deliver the Friday khutbah I greet the people in the same manner. One of them asked me whether I have any evidence for adding the word ta’aala (may He be exalted). I cannot find any evidence but I think I heard it from some of the virtuous scholars. Is it permissible to add this word to the greeting or not?. 158

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The word ta’aala is not narrated in the hadeeth. As this is the case, the Muslim should not say it, and he should limit himself to what was narrated in the Sunnah, which is to say “Al-salaamu ‘alaykum wa rahmat-Allaah wa barakaatuhu (Peace be upon you, and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings).” The word ta’aala is not part of the phrase that was narrated, and if a person keeps saying it then it becomes a habit or a “sunnah”, but it was not narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). But if a person does it sometimes, then there is nothing wrong with that. Shaykh Khaalid al-Mushayqih (www.islam-qa.com) 31064: Ruling on greeting with a wave of the hand Question: What is the ruling on greeting with a wave of the hand?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible to greet with a wave of the hand, rather the Sunnah is to greet and return the greeting with words. Greeting with a wave of the hand is not permissible, because it is an imitation of some of the kuffaar who do that, and because it is contrary to what is prescribed by Allaah. But if a person gestures to the one 159

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whom he is greeting to indicate that he is saying salaam, because he is far away, whilst also uttering the words of the greeting, there is nothing wrong with that, because there is evidence to that effect. Similarly, if the person who is greeted is busy praying, he may respond with a gesture, as was narrated in the saheeh Sunnah of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi’ah li’lShaykh Ibn Baaz, 6/352. (www.islam-qa.com) 12566: Ruling on initiating the salaam when speaking on the telephone Question: What is the ruling on saying salaam to a person to whom you are speaking on the phone, when you do not know whether he is a Muslim or not?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The ruling is the same as when meeting him in person. If you know that he is a kaafir, then do not initiate the greeting. But if you do not know, there is nothing wrong with that. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi’ah li’lShaykh Ibn Baaz, 6/286. (www.islam-qa.com) 21183: Shaking hands with a non-maham woman Question: I would like a detailed answer on the ruling on a man 160

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shaking hands with a woman, and the views of the four imams and the majority of scholars on that. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: It is not permissible for a man who believes in Allaah and His Messenger to put his hand in the hand of a women who is not permissible for him or who is not one of his mahrams. Whoever does that has wronged himself (i.e., sinned). It was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yassaar said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him.” Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer, 486. Shaykh alAlbaani said in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 5045, that this hadeeth is saheeh. This hadeeth alone is sufficient to deter and to instill the obedience required of us by Allaah, because it implies that touching women may lead to temptation and immorality. It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah the wife of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When the believing women migrated to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), they would be tested in accordance with the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): ‘O Prophet! When believing women come to you to give 161

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you the Bay‘ah (pledge), that they will not associate anything in worship with Allaah, that they will not steal, that they will not commit illegal sexual intercourse’ [al-Mumtahanah 60:12] ‘Aa’ishah said: Whoever among the believing women agreed to that had passed the test, and when the women agreed to that, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to them: “Go, for you have given your oath of allegiance.’ No, by Allaah, the hand of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched the hand of any woman, rather they would give their oath of allegiance with words only.” And ‘Aa’ishah said: “By Allaah, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) only took the oath of allegiance from the women in the manner prescribed by Allaah, and the hand of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched the hand of any woman. When he had taken their oath of allegiance he would say, ‘I have accepted your oath of allegiance verbally.’” (narrated by Muslim, 1866) It was narrated from ‘Urwah that ‘Aa’ishah told him about the women’s oath of allegiance: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched any woman with his hand. He would explain to the woman what the oath of allegiance implied, and when she accepted, he would say ‘Go, for you have given your oath of allegiance.’” Narrated by Muslim, 1866 This infallible one, the best of mankind, the leader of the sons of Adam on the Day of Resurrection, did not touch women. This is despite the fact that the oath of allegiance was originally given by hand. So how about men other 162

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than the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)? It was narrated that Umaymah the daughter of Raqeeqah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “I do not shake hands with women.” Narrated by al-Nasaa’i (4181) and Ibn Maajah, 2874; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2513. Secondly: It is not permissible to shake hands even with a barrier in between, such as shaking hands from beneath a garment and the like. The hadeeth that was narrated allowing that is da’eef (weak). It was narrated from Ma’qal ibn Yassaar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to shake hands with women from beneath a garment.” Narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Awsat, 2855. Al-Haythami said: This was narrated by al-Tabaraani in al-Kabeer and alAwsat. Its isnaad includes ‘Ataab ibn Harb, who is da’eef (weak). Majma’ al-Zawaa’id, 6/39. Wali al-Deen al-‘Iraaqi said: The words of ‘Aa’ishah, “He used to accept the women’s oath of allegiance by words only” mean that he did so without taking their hands or shaking hands with them. This indicates that the bay’ah of men was accepted by taking their hands and shaking hands with them, as well 163

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as by words, and this is how it was. What ‘Aa’ishah mentioned was the custom. Some of the mufassireen mentioned that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) called for a vessel of water and dipped his hand in it, then the women dipped their hands in it. And some of them said that he did not shake hands with them from behind a barrier and had a Qatari cloak over his hand. And it was said that ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) shook hands with them on his behalf. None of these reports are sound, especially the last one, How could ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) have done something that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who was ma’soom (infallible), would not do? Tarh al-Tathreeb, 7/45 Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The most correct view is that this (i.e., shaking hands with women from behind a barrier) is not allowed at all, because of the general meaning of the hadeeth, according to which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “I do not shake hands with women;” and so as to ward off the means that may lead to evil. (Adapted from Hashiyat Majmoo’at Rasaa’il fi’l-Hijaab wa’l-Sufoor, p. 69) The same ruling applies to shaking hands with old women; this is also haraam because of the general meaning of the texts on this issue. The reports that say it is permissible are da’eef (weak). Al-Zayla’i said: “As for the report that ‘Abu Bakr used to shake hands with old women, it is also ghareeb.” 164

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(Nasab al-Raayah, 4/240) Ibn Hajar said: I cannot find this hadeeth. (al-Diraayah fi Takhreej Ahaadeeth al-Hidaayah, 2/225) Fourthly: With regard to the views of the four imams, they are as follows: 1 – The Hanafi madhhab: Ibn Nujaym said: It is not permissible for a man to touch a woman’s face or hands even if there is no risk of desire because it is haraam in principle and there is no necessity that would allow it. Al-Bahr al-Raa’iq, 8/219 2 – The Maaliki madhhab: Muhammad ibn Ahmad (‘Ulaysh) said: It is not permissible for a man to touch the face or hand of a non-mahram woman, and it is not permissible for him to put his hand on hers without a barrier. ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: “The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never accepted a woman’s oath of allegiance by shaking hands with her; rather he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to accept their oath of allegiance by words only.” According to another report, “His hand never touched the hand of a woman, rather he would accept their oath of allegiance by words only.” (Manh al-Jaleel Sharh Mukhtasar Khaleel, 1/223)

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3 – The Shaafa’i madhhab: Al-Nawawi said: It is not permissible to touch a woman in any way. Al-Majmoo’, 4/515. Wali al-Deen al-‘Iraaqi said: This indicates that the hand of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not touch the hand of any woman apart from his wives and concubines, whether in the case of accepting the oath of allegiance or in other cases. If he did not do that despite the fact that he was infallible and beyond suspicion, then it is even more essential that others heed this prohibition. It appears from the texts that he refrained from doing that because it was haraam for him to do so. The fuqaha’ among our companions and others said that it is haraam to touch a non-mahram woman even if that is not touching parts of her body that are not ‘awrah, such as her face. But they differed with regard to looking when there is no desire and no fear of fitnah. The prohibition on touching is stronger than the prohibition on looking, and it is haraam when there is no necessity that would allow it. If it is the case of necessity, e.g. medical treatment, removing a tooth or treating the eyes, etc., if there is no woman who can do that, then it is permissible for a nonmahram to do that because it is the case of necessity. Tarh al-Tathreeb, 7/45, 46 4 – The Hanbali madhhab Ibn Muflih said: Abu ‘Abd-Allaah – i.e., Imam Ahmad – was asked about a man who shakes hands with a woman. He said, No, and 166

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was emphatic that it is haraam. I said, Should he shake hands with her from beneath his garment? He said, No. Shaykh Taqiy al-Deen also favoured the view that it is prohibited, and gave the reason that touching is more serious than looking. AlAdaab al-Shar’iyyah, 2/257 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 23274: The difference between sending salaams on the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and sending blessings Question: Is there any difference on offering between blessing’s and salaams on the prophet? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is prescribed for the Muslim to pray for peace for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and to send salaams upon him, just as it is prescribed to pray for blessings for him. The evidence that it is prescribed to send salaams upon the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Allaah sends His Salaah (Graces, Honours, Blessings, Mercy) on the Prophet (Muhammad), and also His angels (ask Allaah to bless and forgive him). O you who believe! 167

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Send your Salaah on (ask Allaah to bless) him (Muhammad), and (you should) greet (salute) him with the Islamic way of greeting (salutation, i.e. AsSalaamu ‘Alaykum)” [al-Ahzaab 33:56] It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah has angels who travel about the earth, conveying to me the salaams of my ummah.” (Saheeh Sunan alNasaa’i, 1215; al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 2853). It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah said: “When we prayed with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) we used to say, ‘Peace be upon Allaah from His slaves and peace be upon So and so.’ The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, ‘Do not say “Peace (salaam) be upon Allaah”, for Allaah Himself is al-Salaam. Rather say, “Al-tahiyyaatu Lillaahi wa’lsalawaatu wa’l-tayyibaat. Al-salaamu ‘alayka ayyuha’lNabiyyu wa rahmat Allaahi wa barakaatuhu. Al-salaamu ‘alayna wa ‘ala ibaad-illaah il-saaliheen (All compliments, prayers and pure words are due to Allaah. Peace be upon you, O Prophet, and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings. Peace be on us, and on the righteous slaves of Allaah).” If you say this it will be for all the slaves in heaven and between the heavens and the earth. [Then go on to say] “Ash-hadu an laa ilaaha ill-Allaah wa ash-hadu anna Muhammadan ‘abduhu wa rasooluhu (I bear witness that there is no god except Allaah and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger).” Then choose whichever du’aa’ you like and recite it.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 835) It was narrated that Faatimah, the daughter of the 168

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Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) entered the mosque, he would say, ‘Bismillaah wa’l-salaam ‘ala Rasool-illaah. Allaahumma ighfir li dhunoobi waftah li abwaab rahmatika (In the name of Allaah, and peace be upon the Messenger of Allaah. O Allaah, forgive me my sins and open to me the gates of Your Mercy).’ And when he exited he would say, Bismillaah wa’l-salaam ‘ala Rasool-illaah. Allaahumma ighfir li dhunoobi waftah li abwaab fadlika (In the name of Allaah, and peace be upon the Messenger of Allaah. O Allaah, forgive me my sins and open to me the gates of Your Bounty).’” (Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah, 625) It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no one who sends salaams upon me, but Allaah will restore to me my soul so that I may return his salaams.” (Saheeh Sunan Abi Dawood, 1795) It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Abi Talhah from his father that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came one day with evident signs of happiness on his face, and he said: “Jibreel (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to me and said, ‘Would it not please you, O Muhammad, to know that no one among your ummah will send blessings upon you but I will send ten blessings upon him, and no one among your ummah will send salaams upon you but I will send ten salaams upon him.” (Saheeh Sunan alNasaa’i, 1228) Sending salaams upon the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is one of the rights that the Prophet 169

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(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) has over his ummah. The Muslim is commanded to do this either in general word or in the specific phrases narrated in the reports, such as sending salaam on him in the Tashahhud, and when entering or leaving the mosque. The command to send salaams upon him (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) even in his absence is one of the unique blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon him alone, which he does not share with anyone else, for it is not prescribed to send salaams upon any specific person in his absence apart from him (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Another of his unique privileges is that the salaams of his ummah are conveyed to him, so a person may attain the virtue of sending salaams upon the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and it reaching him even if he did not have the opportunity to meet him during his lifetime and even if a person is not able to go to his grave after he died. With regard to praying for blessing for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), this is also prescribed in Islam. One of the reports that prove that it is prescribed is the saheeh report from Abu Mas’ood al_Ansaari who said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to us when we were sitting with Sa’d ibn ‘Ubaadah, and Basheer ibn Sa’d said to him: ‘Allaah has commanded us to send blessings upon you, O Messenger of Allaah. How should we send blessings upon you?’ The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) remained silent until we wished that he had not asked him. Then the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Say: Allaahumma salli ‘ala Muhammad wa ‘ala aali Muhammad kamaa salayta ‘ala aali Ibraaheem. Wa baarik ‘ala Muhammad wa ‘ala aali Muhammad kama baarakta ‘ala aali Ibraaheem fi’l‘aalameen innaka hameedun majeed (O Allaah, send 170

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blessings upon Muhammad and upon the family of Muhammad, as You sent blessings upon the family of Ibraaheem, and bless Muhammad and the family of Muhammad, as You blessed the family of Ibraheem among the nations. Verily You are Most Praiseworthy, Full of Glory). And the salaam is as you know.” (Narrated by Muslim, 405) Sending salaams upon the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) may be done by saying “Alsalaamu ‘alayka ayyuha’l-Nabiyyu wa rahmat Allaahi wa barakaatuhu (peace be upon you, O Prophet, and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings). Or it may take the form of a du’aa’, praying that Allaah may keep him sound, such as saying Sall Allaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam (may Allaah send blessings and peace upon him [i.e., the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)]. A person’s sending salaam upon the Prophet may be done by mentioning Allaah’s name al-Salaam by way of seeking the blessing of that name and this name is suited to the context because you are asking Allaah to keep him safe and sound, as if one is saying “O Allaah, Whose name is al-Salaam, keep your Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) safe and sound.” When the word Salaam refers to the name of Allaah, it appears with the definite article al-, unlike when the word salaam appears in the context of praying for peace, tranquility and soundness to be bestowed by Allaah upon His slaves, in which case it appears without the definite article. “Because salaam from Him means any amount of salaam, and any amount of salaam from Him will be sufficient to make any slave of Allaah have no need of salaam from anyone else and no need for any greeting from anyone else; and any salaam from Allaah will be sufficient to grant him all of his wishes. So the least salaam from Allaah – and nothing can be described as least when it comes from 171

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Allaah – will bring the greatest blessings and will ward off all causes of misery, and will make life good and will ward off all causes of doom and destruction. Therefore in this context, when speaking of salaam from Allaah, there is no need for the definite article.” See Dabaa’i’ al-Fawaa’id, 2/143 What is meant by salaam is being free from evil and faults. So the one who sends salaams upon the Prophet is praying for him (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in this sense, asking for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to be protecte from evil, faults and shortcomings. As for blessings (barakah), what this means is steadfastness and stability. Blessing means growth and increase. What is meant by praying for blessing for the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) is asking Allaah to bestow good upon him, to make it lasting, to increase and multiply it. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 4975: Responding to a kaafir when he says salaam to a Muslim Question: WHEN A NON-MUSLIM SAYS SALAAM U ALAIKUM(GREETS YOU) HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO RESPOND? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Muslim reported in his Saheeh (14/ 144) from Anas ibn Maalik that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When 172

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the People of the Book say salaam to you (greet you by saying al-salaamu alaykum), say ‘Wa ‘alaykum’ (and unto you).’” According to another report, he was asked, “The People of the Book say salaam to us. How should we respond?” He said, “Say, ‘Wa ‘alaykum.’” According to another report (14/164), he said, “When the Jews greet you, they say ‘al-saam ‘alaykum (death be upon you). So say ‘ ‘alayk (upon you).’” According to another report he said, “So say, ‘wa ‘alayk’ (and upon you).” According to another report (14/146) a group of Jews asked for permission to enter upon the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and they said, “Alsaam ‘alaykum (death be upon you).” ‘Aa’ishah said, “Bal ‘alaykum al-saam wa’l-la’nah (No, death be upon you and curses)!” The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “O ‘Aa’ishah, Allaah loves gentleness in all things.” She said, “Did you not hear what they said?” He said, “I answered, ‘Wa ‘alaykum (and unto you).’” According to another report, he said, “I answered, ‘ ‘alaykum’” – without the “waw” (i.e., wa meaning “and”). According to the last hadeeth (14/148), he said, “Do not initiate the greeting of salaam with the Jews and Christians, and if you meet one of them on the road, push him to the narrowest part of it.” All of these reports were narrated in the Saheeh of Imaam Muslim. Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his commentary (14/144-145): The scholars agree that the greeting of the People of the Book should be returned, if they greet us with salaam, but we should not say to them, “Wa ‘alaykum al-salaam (and upon you be peace).” We should say only “ ‘alaykum (upon you)” or “wa ‘alaykum (and upon you).” Ahaadeeth have been narrated by Muslim both with and without the “wa” (“And”), but most of them include it. On this basis, 173

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there are two meanings, one of which is the apparent meaning: if they say “ ‘Alaykum al-mawt (death be upon you)”, then one should say, “Wa ‘alaykum (and also on you)” – meaning that we and you are alike, we are all going to die. The second meaning is that this is a waw that is used to start a new idea or phrase, not to connect it to the previous sentence or to reiterate the same idea. This implies: and upon you be what you deserve of condemnation. The phrase without the wa implies: but rather death should be upon you. Al-Qaadi said: some of the scholars, including Ibn Habeeb al-Maaliki, preferred to use the phrase without the wa, so that it would not have the implication that these people are like the Muslims. Others said that it should be used with the wa as it appears in the majority of reports. Some of them said: he should reply “ ‘alaykum al-silaam (and upon you be stones) – but this is da’eef (weak). Al-Khattaabi said: most of the muhadditheen (scholars of hadeeth) reported it with the wa (wa ‘alaykum), but Ibn ‘Uyaynah reported it without the waw. Al-Khattaabi said: this is what is correct, because if the phrase is used without the waw, this means that what they are saying is returned specifically and exclusively to them, but if the waw is used, it implies commonality with them in what they are saying. This is the view of al-Khattaabi. But the correct view is that it is permissible either to use the waw or omit it, as both have been mentioned in saheeh reports, but including the waw is better, as it appears in most of the reports. There is nothing wrong with that, because alsaam means death, which will come to us and to them, so there is no harm in including the waw. The scholars differed as to returning the greeting of salaam when a kaafir initiates it or initiating the greeting. Our opinion is that it is haraam to initiate the greeting, but we have to return their greeting by saying “Wa ‘alaykum” or just “ ‘alaykum.” Our evidence with regard to initiating the greeting is the hadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings 174

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of Allaah be upon him), “Do not initiate the greeting with the Jews and Christians” and his command to reply by saying, “Wa ‘alaykum.” What we have mentioned as our madhhab or point of view is also the opinion of most of the scholars and the majority of the salaf… It is permissible to initiate the greeting when addressed to a group composed of both Muslims and kaafirs, or one Muslim and a number of kaafirs, but he should intend the greeting to be directed towards the Muslim(s) among them, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) greeted an assembly that included a mixture of Muslims and mushrikeen. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2291: Is it correct to end a letter with the phrase “wa’lsalaam”? Question: Brothers end their letters to me with “wassalaam”, instead of say “assalaamualaikum” can you please tell me if this is correct and the references and their authenticity You can also put the question on the web page if you so wish, I need a direct reply since I may not be able to find the answer on the web page. Jazzakallaah. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is nothing wrong with ending a letter with the phrase “wa’l-salaam,” and it is not a condition that the phrase should be used in full, because 175

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when a written abbreviation is used, what the writer means is the complete expression. So when a person says “wa’lsalaam,” what he or she means is “wa’l-salaamu ‘alaykum.” But if the person sending the letter writes “wa’l-salaamu ‘alayka” or “wa’l-salaamu ‘alaykum” at the end, this is better. Umar ibn al-Khattaab ended his letter to the qaadi Shurayh with the words “wa’l-salaamu ‘alayka” [Sunan al-Nisaa’i, 5304] and ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ended his letter to one of his workers in the same way [Muwatta’ Malik, Kitaab al-jihaad]. Ibn Katheer reported in al-Bidaayah wa’l-Nihaayah from Ibn ‘Asaakir that Ziyaad ibn Abi Sufyaan sent Sa’eed ibn al-‘Aas gifts, money and a letter proposing marriage to his daughter. When the gifts, money and letter arrived, [Sa’eed] read the letter, shared out the gifts among the people sitting with him, then wrote a nice, polite letter back to him in which he said: “In the name of Allaah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful. Allaah says: ‘Nay! Verily man does transgress all bounds (in disbelief and evil deeds, etc.), because he considers himself self-sufficient.’ [al-‘Alaq 96:6-7 – interpretation of the meaning]. Wa’lsalaam.” However, the person sending the letter should greet the addressee with the complete phrase (“Al-salaamu alaykum”) at the beginning of the letter, as has been the habit of the Muslims from the time of the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) until the present. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 176

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26785: Ruling on initiating the greeting of salaam with Jews and Christians, and how to push them to the narrowest part of the road Question: According to a hadeeth narrated by Imaam Muslim in his Saheeh from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him), the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not initiate the greeting of salaam with the Jews and Christians, and if you meet one of them on the road then let him go to the narrowest part of it.” (Muslim, al-Salaam, 2167). Doesn’t doing this put people off entering Islam? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You should note that the best of those who call people to Allaah is the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and that the best of those who guide people to Allaah is the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). If we know that, then we should be skeptical about any interpretation of the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that does not make sense or does not seem to be wise. We should realize that our understanding of the Prophet’s words may be wrong. That does not mean that we should judge the ahaadeeth of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) on the basis of our personal reasoning, because our reasoning and understanding may be lacking. But there are general guidelines in sharee’ah to which we may refer with regard to individual matters. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not initiate the greeting of salaam with the Jews 177

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and Christians, and if you meet one of them on the road then let him go to the narrowest part of it.” What this means is: do not give way to them if you meet them, so that the way is open for them and you cause restriction to yourself. Rather, continue on your way and leave the narrow gap – if there is a narrow gap – for them. It is known that the teaching of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), when he saw a kaafir, was not to go and crowd him out of the way so that he would end up against the wall. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not do this to the Jews of Madeenah and his Companions did not do that after their conquests of other regions. What it means is that just as you do not initiate the greeting of salaam, you should not make room for them. If they meet a group of you, do not split up to let them pass, rather continue on your way and leave them the narrow space if there is a narrow part of the road. This hadeeth is not meant to put people off Islam, rather it is a manifestation of the Muslim’s pride and a sign that he does not humiliate himself for anyone except his Lord. Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Rasaa’il al-Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthyameen, part 3, p. 38 (www.islam-qa.com) 11559: Ruling on greeting a non-Muslim teacher Question: Is it permissible to greet a non-Muslim teacher in the classroom or outside? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 178

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It was narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not initiate the greeting to the Jews and Christians.” (Narrated by Muslim, Kitaab al-Salaam). The Jews used to pass by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and say “Al-saam ‘alaykum” meaning death. So the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us to say “Wa ‘alaykum (and also to you).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, Kitaab al-Adaab; Muslim, Kitaab al-Salaam). So you should not initiate the greeting, but if he greets you and initiates the greeting, then say, “Wa ‘alaykum.” But Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) mentioned in Ahkaam Ahl al-Dhimmah that if we know for sure that a kaafir has said “Al-salaamu ‘alaykum,” then we may say, “Wa ‘alaykum al-salaam.” From Fataawa al-Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al‘Uthaymeen, Kitaab al-‘Ilm, p. 154, 155 (www.islamqa.com) 10512: Is it permissible to delay returning salaams because of enmity? Question: There is personal enmity between me and another person. If he greets me with salaam, is it permissible for me to respond after he has gone away, or do I have to return his salaam immediately? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The Hanafis and Shaafa’is are of the view that it is obligatory to return the salaams immediately. Ibn ‘Aabideen said: delaying returning the salaam for no 179

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valid reason is makrooh tahreeman (very makrooh or disliked to the point of being almost haraam). The sin is not lifted by returning the salaam, but by repentance. Al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah, vol. 39, p. 247 (www.islamqa.com) 1504: If it is not known whether a person is a Muslim or a kaafir, can we say salaam to him? Question: If I meet a person and I do not know whether he is a kaafir or a Muslim, should I say salaam to him or return his greeting or not? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It was reported in the hadeeth that you should say salaam to those you know and those you do not (narrated by alBukhaari, 12; al-Fath 1/55) but this applies only to Muslims, or those who appear to be Muslim. It was also reported that it is forbidden to say salaam to Jews and Christians, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not initiate the greeting of salaam to a Jew or Christian, and if you meet them in the street, push them to the narrowest part of the road.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2167). He also said: “If the People of the Book greet you with salaam, say ‘wa ‘alaykum’ (and also upon you).” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6258). But at that time the People of the Book were distinct from the Muslims in their dress and appearance, and they were not allowed to resemble Muslims. But in these times, 180

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unfortunately, many Muslims look like them, and we can no longer tell the difference between a Muslim and a Christian. Everyone - except for those whom Allaah wills – looks the same in dress, in being clean-shaven, in wearing nothing on their heads, or wearing western-style caps, so the matter is more confusing. If someone who looks like the mushrikeen says salaam to you, say “Wa ‘alaykum,” and do not initiate the greeting, because of the uncertainty about him. If he objects and tells you off, then apologize to him. You had reason to act as you did, because you did know whether he was a Muslim or a Christian, because he is not dressing as a Muslim and prefers the dress of the Christians and others. Tell him that “whoever imitates a people is one of them” (Saheeh, narrated by Imaam Ahmad, 2/50-92), and advise him to distinguish himself from the kuffaar and to dress as the Muslims dress, like his father, grandfathers and the scholars of the Muslims. If he persists in what he is doing, this means that he likes the characteristics of the Christians and is imitating them, and that he despises the Muslims and is going against them, even though he does not gain anything from that besides blind imitation. This indicates that he admires those kuffaar and thinks that their worldly achievements and inventions, etc., stem from their false religion. This is going too far, for the Muslims are wiser and more able to invent and produce, so he should not be deceived by the Mushrikeen. Al-Lu’lu’ al-Makeen fi Fataawaa al-Shaykh ibn Jibreen, p. 49 (www.islam-qa.com) 5495: Can we greet the kuffaar with a greeting other than salaam? Question: I would like to understand something about the greeting 181

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of the kouffar. I know that we don’t have to give them sellem first but I have this question if we live in a kouffar country are we allow to greeting them first but no with sellem but with good morning like in the workplace, an another example some neighbours know me since I’m a child I always try to not greeting them first but sometime especially with old person I tell them good morning because I know them since I was born. I really would like to make this clear because sometime you have to greeting them like in a meeting you are not the first so you give them greeting when you enter or when you arrive at work, etc. So can you explain me if the rule apply also for their greeting like good morning and we have to not forget that we live in their country so we are in weak position. Thank you to explain me this issue (about the sellem it’s clear) and is the hadith only apply for the sellem or also for the kouffar’s greeting. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We appreciate your eagerness to learn; may Allaah increase us and you in knowledge and acceptable righteous deeds. It was reported from Mu’aawiyah ibn Abi Sufyaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whomever Allaah wills good for, He enables him to understand the religion.” (Agreed upon). In response to your question: His Excellency Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked the following question: Nowadays, as a result of dealing with the West and the East – most of whose people are kuffaar of different sects and religions – they say the greeting of Islam (“as-salaamu 182

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‘alaykum”) when they meet us in any place. What should we do with regard to them? He (may Allaah have mercy on him) replied: It was reported that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not initiate the greeting of salaam to the Jews and Christians, and if you encounter them in the street, push them to the narrowest part of the road.” (Narrated by Muslim). And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If the people of the Book greet you with salaam, say ‘Wa ‘alaykum (and also upon you).’” (Agreed upon). The People of the Book are the Jews and Christians; the ruling concerning the rest of the kuffaar is the same as the ruling concerning the Jews and Christians with regard to this matter, because there is no evidence (daleel) to indicate anything different. So we should not initiate the greeting of salaam to a kaafir at all; if he initiates the greeting of salaam, then we should say “wa ‘alaykum” in response, in obedience to the command of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). There is no reason why we cannot then say, How are you? Or, How are your children? – as has been permitted by some of the scholars, including Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him), especially when doing so serves an Islamic purpose such as encouraging him to take an interest in Islam so that he will be receptive to da’wah, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings): “Invite (mankind, O Muhammad) to the way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Revelation and the Qur’aan) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better” [al-Nahl 16:125] 183

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“And argue not with the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians), unless it be in (a way) that is better (with good words and in good manner, inviting them to Islamic Monotheism with His Verses), except with such of them as do wrong” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:46] (Majmoo’ Fataawaa wa Rasaa’il Samaahat al-Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz Fataawaa al-‘Aqeedah, part 2, p. 1042) Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, with regard to initiating the greeting with a kaafir: “A group –i.e., of scholars – said: it is permissible to initiate the greeting for a purpose, such as some interest that one hopes to achieve, or because one fears his harm, or because they are related by blood, or for some other reason that dictates that.” (Zaad al-Ma’aad, part 2, p. 424). (www.islam-qa.com) 7092: How should we respond when the People of the Book greet us with salaam? Question: What is the proper way of greeting a non-muslim (5%’er,FOI,or Christian)when they greet you with the correct Salam’s. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If the Muslim realizes that the kaafir has said to him “alsaam ‘alaykum”, which means may death be upon you, he should respond in kind by saying “wa ‘alaykum” (and also upon you). 184

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If he realizes beyond a doubt that he has greeted him with the greeting of Islam (al-salaamu alaykum), Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: if the listener realized that the Dhimmi [Jew or Christian] has said “salaam ‘alaykum” and he is sure of that, should he say “wa ‘alayk al-salaam” or just “wa ‘alayk”? According to the evidence and principles of sharee’ah, he should say “wa ‘alayk al-salaam”, because this is more fair, and Allaah commands us to be just and to treat others well. (Ahkaam Ahl al-Dhimmah, 1/425, 426). Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah preserve him) said: These people who have come to us from the east and the west and are not Muslims, it is not permissible for us to initiate the greeting of salaam with them, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not initiate the greeting of salaam with the Jews and Christians.” (Narrated by Muslim in his Saheeh). If they greet us, then we can respond in a manner similar to that in which they greet us, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally” [al-Nisaa’ 4:86]. When they greet us with the greeting of Islam – “alsalaamu ‘alaykum” – either of the following two cases applies: Either they pronounce the “laam” (l-sound) clearly, and say “al-salaam ‘alaykum (peace be upon you)”, so we may say “wa ‘alaykum al-salaam” or “wa ‘alaykum” 185

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Or they do not pronounce the “laam” clearly, and so they say “al-saamu ‘alaykum (death be upon you)”, so we should say “wa ‘alaykum” only. This is because the Jews used to come to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and greet him by saying “al-saam ‘alaykum”, without pronouncing the “laam”. “Al-saam” means “death”; i.e., they were praying against the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), praying that he would die. So the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded us to say to them “wa ‘alaykum.” Thus, if they say “al-saam ‘alaykum”, we should reply, “wa ‘alaykum”, which means: and the same to you, may death be upon you. This is what is indicated by the Sunnah. But if we initiate the greeting of salaam with them, our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) forbade us to do this. (Majmoo’ Fataawaa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 2/97, 98). And Allaah knows best. For more information, see Question # 6583. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 6670: Ruling on greeting with a gesture Question: What is the ruling in Islaam on greeting by means of gesture with the hands. One usually does this if the person is afar. Is this permissible or does it have no basis? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Al-Tirmidhi narrated in al-Sunan (5/ 56) from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: 186

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“He is not one of us who imitates others. Do not imitate the Jews or the Christians, for the greeting of the Jews is a gesture with the fingers and the greeting of the Christians is a gesture with the hand.” Al-Albaani said: (it is) hasan. The words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) “he is not one of us” means he is not one of those who follow the same path as us and pay attention to doing things our way. “Who imitates others” means, he imitates those who are not of our religion. The meaning is: do not imitate them at all in any of their deeds, especially in these two characteristics. They would only give or return a greeting by means of a gesture, without speaking the words of salaam (peace), which is the way of Adam and his descendents among the Prophets and awliyaa’ (close friends of Allaah). Al-Nasaa’i reported with a jayyid isnaad from Jaabir, attributing it to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “do not give the greeting of the Jews, for they greet by means of a gesture of the head and hand.” Note: al-Nawawi said: this (the hadeeth of Jaabir) does not contradict the hadeeth of Asmaa’ bint Yazeed: the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed through the mosque where a group of women were sitting, and he greeted them with a wave of his hand. This hadeeth is to be interpreted as meaning that he greeted them with both a gesture and the words of greeting. Abu Dawood also reported this hadeeth from her, saying, “and he greeted us.” The prohibition on greeting with a gesture only is limited to those who are able – both physically and within the limits of sharee’ah – to speak the words of greeting. Otherwise it is permissible for the one who is doing something that prevents him from speaking to respond to a greeting with a gesture – such as when one is praying, or when one is far away; it is also permissible to use gestures if one is unable to speak (“dumb”), or when greeting the deaf. Greeting with a gesture and without speaking is an 187

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imitation of the Jews or Christians. The same applies to many military salutes. The scholars have stated that it is bid’ah to greet with a gesture and without saying the words of greeting (i.e., “al-salaamu ‘alaykum”). See: al-Lama’ by al-Turkmaani, 1/285, 282. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 6583: How should we return the greeting of salaam from a non-Muslim? Question: What should we say when greeting by a non-Muslim with: As salaamu ‘alaykum? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible – firstly – to initiate the greeting of salaam to a non-Muslim. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not initiate the greeting of salaam to a Jew or a Christian…” (Narrated by Muslim, 2167). If one of them says “As-Saam ‘alaykum” – meaning, may death be upon you – or it is not clear whether they have said “salaam”, then we should respond by saying “Wa ‘alaykum” (and upon you). It was reported that Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased 188

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with him) said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When the Jews greet you, they say ‘Al-saam ‘alaykum (may death be upon you),’ so respond by saying ‘‘alayk (and also upon you).’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5902; Muslim, 2461). If a non-Muslim greets us with the correct shar’i greeting (i.e., says ‘Al-salaamu ‘alaykum’ clearly), the scholars differed as to whether we have to return the greeting. The majority of scholars said that we do have to return the greeting, and this is the correct view. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: they differed as to whether it is obligatory to return the greeting. The majority said that it is obligatory and this is the correct view. A group of scholars said that it is not obligatory to return their greeting just as it is not obligatory to return the greeting of those who follow bid’ah. But the correct view is the first one. The difference is that we are commanded to forsake the followers of bid’ah by way of rebuke and to warn others about them, which is not the case with the Ahl al-Dhimmah (Jews and Christians). (Zaad al-Ma’aad, 2/425, 426) The Muslim who is returning the greeting should respond in the manner prescribed by sharee’ah, giving a similar or better greeting, because of the general meaning of the Aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally.” [al-Nisa’ 4:86] Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: if the person is certain that the Dhimmi (Jew or Christian) is clearly saying ‘al-salaamu ‘alaykum’ to him, and he 189

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has no doubts about that, should he say ‘wa ‘alayka alsalaam’ or shorten it to ‘wa ‘alayk’? What is indicated by the evidence and principles of sharee’ah is that he should say ‘wa ‘alayka al-salaam’, because this is more just, and Allaah commands us to be just and to treat others well… this does not contradict any of the ahaadeeth on this topic at all, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded us to shorten the greeting to ‘wa ‘alayk’ because of the reason mentioned above, which is that they deliberately used to say ‘al-saam ‘alaykum’ instead of ‘al-salaam ‘alaykum’, as indicated in the hadeeth narrated by ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her). He said, “Do you not see that I say ‘wa ‘alaykum’ when they say ‘al-saam ‘alaykum’?” Then he said, “If the People of the Book greet you with salaam, say, ‘Wa ‘alaykum.’” Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… and when they come to you, they greet you with a greeting wherewith Allaah greets you not, and say within themselves, ‘Why would Allâh punish us not for what we say?’…” [al-Mujaadilah 58:8] If this reason is not there, and the Jew or Christian says, ‘Salaam ‘alaykum wa rahmat-Allaah,’ then it is only fair to respond in kind. (Ahkaam Ahl al-Dhimmah, 1/425, 426) The hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah was narrated by al-Bukhaari (5901) and Muslim (2165) See also: Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, 2/97 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 190

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3498: If a person thinks that someone will not return his salaam, should he still say salaam? Question: If a person thinks that if he greets someone, that person will most likely not return his salaam, should he still say salaam or not? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Yes, he should still say salaam. From Fataawa al-Imaam al-Nawawi, p. 67 (www.islamqa.com) 4052: Is it mustahabb for one who gets up to leave a gathering to say salaam to those who are still sitting? Question: Is it mustahabb for one who gets up to leave a gathering to say salaam to those who are still sitting, or not? Is there any hadeeth about this or not? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is Sunnah to do that. Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When one of you joins a gathering, let him say salaam. When he wants to get up and leave, let him say salaam. The former is not more important than the latter.”

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(Reported by al-Tirmidhi, who said, It is a hasan hadeeth.). From Fatawa al-Imaam al-Nawawi, p. 67 (www.islamqa.com) 4596: The importance of saying salaam and returning the greeting Question: CAN YOU TELL ME A DETAIL INFORMATION ON THE IMPORTANCE OF SAYING SALAAM AND SAYING WAALAIKUM-AS-SALAAM Answer: Praise be to Allaah. All people have the custom of greeting one another, and every group has its own distinctive greeting that distinguishes them from other people. The Arabs used to greet one another with the words “An’im sabaahan” or “An’imu sabaahan” [equivalent to “Good morning” – Translator], using words derived from “al-ni’mah”, which means good living after the morning. The idea was that because the morning is the first part of the day, if a person encounters something good in the morning, the rest of the day will be good too. When Islam came, Allaah prescribed that the manner of greeting among Muslims should be “Al-salaamu alaykum,” and that this greeting should only be used among Muslims and not for other nations. The meaning of salaam (literally, peace) is harmlessness, safety and protection from evil and from faults. The name al-Salaam 192

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is a Name of Allaah, may He be exalted, so the meaning of the greeting of salaam which is required among Muslims is, “May the blessing of His Name descend upon you.” The usage of the preposition ‘ala in ‘alaykum (upon you) indicates that the greeting is inclusive. Ibn al-Qayyim said in Badaa’i’ al-Fawaa’id (144): “Allaah, the Sovereign, the Most Holy, the Peace, prescribed that the greeting among the people of Islam should be ‘al-salaamu ‘alaykum’, which is better than all the greetings of other nations which include impossible ideas or lies, such as saying, ‘May you live for a thousand years,’ or things that are not accurate, such as ‘An’im sabaahan (Good morning),’ or actions that are not right, such as prostrating in greeting. Thus the greeting of salaam is better than all of these, because it has the meaning of safety which is life, without which nothing else can be achieved. So this takes precedence over all other aims or objectives. A person has two main aims in life: to keep himself safe from evil, and to get something good. Keeping safe from evil takes precedence over getting something good…” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) made spreading salaam a part of faith. Al-Bukhaari (12, 28 and 6236), Muslim (39), Ahmad (2/169), Abu Dawood (5494), al-Nisaa’i, (8/107) and Ibn Hibbaan (505) narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar that a man asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “What is the best thing in Islam?” He said, “Feeding others and giving the greeting of salaam to those whom you know and those whom you do not know.” Ibn Hajar said in al-Fath (1/56): “i.e., do not single out anybody out of arrogance or to impress them, but do it to honour the symbols of Islam and to foster Islamic brotherhood.” 193

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Ibn Rajab said in al-Fath (1/43): “The hadeeth makes the connection between feeding others and spreading salaam because this combines good actions in both word and deed, which is perfect good treatment (ihsaan). Indeed, this is the best thing that you can do in Islam after the obligatory duties.” Al-Sanoosi said in Ikmaal al-Mu’allim (1/244): “What is meant by salaam is the greeting between people, which sows seeds of love and friendship in their hearts, as does giving food. There may be some weakness in the heart of one of them, which is dispelled when he is greeted, or there may be some hostility, which is turned to friendship by the greeting.” Al-Qaadi said in Ikmaal al-Mu’allim (1:276): “Here the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was urging the believers to soften their hearts. The best Islamic attitude is to love one another and greet one another, and this is achieved by words and deeds. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) urged the Muslims to foster love between one another by exchanging gifts and food, and by spreading salaam, and he forbade the opposite, namely forsaking one another, turning away from one another, spying on one another, seeking out information about one another, stirring up trouble and being two faced. Love is one of the duties of Islam and one of the pillars of the Islamic system. One should give salaams to those whom one knows and those whom one does not know, out of sincerity towards Allaah; one should not try to impress other people by giving salaams only to those whom one knows and no-one else. This also entails an attitude of humility and spreading the symbols of this ummah through the word of salaam.” 194

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Thus the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained that this salaam spreads love and brotherhood. Muslim (54), Ahmad (2/391), and alTirmidhi (2513) narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “You will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I not tell you about something which, if you do it, you will love one another? Spread salaam amongst yourselves.” Al-Qaadi ‘Ayaad said in al-Ikmaal (1/304): “This is urging us to spread salaam, as mentioned above, among those whom we know and those whom we do not know. Salaam is the first level of righteousness and the first quality of brotherhood, and it is the key to creating love. By spreading salaam the Muslims’ love for one another grows stronger and they demonstrate their distinctive symbols and spread a feeling of security amongst themselves. This is the meaning of Islam.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also explained the reward earned by the one who says salaam, as was reported by al-Nisaa’i in ‘Aml al-yawm wa’l-laylah (368) and al-Bukhaari in al-Adab al-Mufrad (586) and by Ibn Hibban (493). They reported from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that a man passed by the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) whilst he was sitting with some others, and said “Salaam ‘alaykum (peace be upon you).” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “[He will have] ten hasanaat (rewards).” Another man passed by and said “Salaam ‘alaykum wa rahmatAllaah (peace be upon you and the mercy of Allaah).” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “[He will have] twenty hasanaat.” Another man 195

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passed by and said “Salaam ‘alaykum wa rahmat-Allaahi wa barakaatuhu (peace be upon you and the mercy of Allaah and His blessings).” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “[He will have] thirty hasanaat.” The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded us to return salaams, and made it a right and a duty. Ahmad (2/540), al-Bukhaari (1240), Muslim (2792), al-Nisaa’i in al-Yawm wa’l-Laylah (221) and Abu Dawood (5031) all reported that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Muslim has five rights over his fellow-Muslim: he should return his salaams, visit him when he is sick, attend his funeral, accept his invitation, and pray for mercy for him [say “Yarhamuk Allaah”] when he sneezes.” It is clear that it is obligatory to say salaam and return salaams, because by doing so a Muslim is giving you safety and you have to give him safety in return. It is as if he is saying to you, “I am giving you safety and security,” so you have to give him the same, so that he does not get suspicious or think that the one to whom he has given salaam is betraying him or ignoring him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) told us that if Muslims are ignoring or forsaking one another, this will be put to an end when one of them gives salaam. AlBukhaari (6233) reported that Abu Ayyoob (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘It is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, each of them turning away from the other if they meet. The better of them is the first one to say salaam.’” This is a brief overview of the importance of giving and returning salaam. 196

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Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 371: Giving salaams to people in the mosque during the khutbah Question: Is it the sunnah to say assalaamu ‘alaykum out loud when entering the masjid (while others are praying or during the khutbah) ? Please advise the daleel. Jazzakallhu Khayrun Answer: The author of Zaad al-Mustanfi’ said it is permissible for the imaam to greet the congregation with salaam when he faces them. Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said, in his interesting comment, that this is because this practice was reported from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Even though there is some weakness in this hadeeth (i.e. in its isnaad), this is what the ummah has done and it is well known that when the imaam comes and gets up on the minbar, he greets the people with salaam. (Reported by al-Shu’bi). Abu Bakr and ‘Umar used to do this. Reported by ‘Abd al-Razzaaq , Ibn Abi Shaybah, 2/114, Ibn Maajah and al-Tabaraani. It was also reported by al-Bayhaqi from Jaabir ibn ‘Umar, narrating from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), then he said: a report concerning this was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas from ‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez. Then the shaykh said in his commentary: it is not permitted to speak when the imaam is delivering the khutbah, it is 197

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only permitted before and after the khutbah, even after the khateeb has arrived and after the adhaan, so long as the khateeb has not started his khutbah. (Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, Al-Sharh al-Muttabi’ li Zaad al-Mustanfi’, 5/78). [?? Makath ??] is well known, from which we know that it is obligatory to return the greeting of salaam, so in this case we understand that it is not forbidden to speak. And Allaah knows best. Ibn Qudaamah said in al-Mughni: “When the imaam faces the people, he greets them with salaam and they respond, then he sits down.” Then he mentioned the hadeeth quoted above, and others. Then he said (may Allaah have mercy on him): “When he greets them with salaam, the people should respond, because it is more of an obligation to return the greeting than to initiate it. Then he should sit down and rest until the mu’adhdhinoon (muezzins) finish.” (al-Mughni 2/297). And Allaah knows best. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad and his family. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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Chapter 9 Kissing-hugging 12837: Sitting with husband’s relatives and shaking hands with them Question: My husband’s family always ridicule me for wearing my headscarf even when I’m in the house with them during family gatherings or Eid celebrations. They say you dont have to cover up amongst family members. I know about the rules of women aurat amonst non mahram in Islam and would like to preseve it, How can I counter their comments amicably yet preach on them about the wholesome adoption of Islam? Also, are husband’s nephews mahram to his wife? I have checked with some ustaz and they told me they are not. However, because of family and husband’s insistance ( so as not to hurt their feelings) , I still salam (handshake) with them as this is normal practice in the family. I feel very trubled about it and seek Allah guidance abd forgiveness. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: We ask Allaah to help you to do good, and to make things easy for you and relieve you of your distress. For what a Muslim woman hears and sees of those who have turned away from the religion of Allaah or whose commitment has become very weak, she has to bear that with patience and seek reward for things that she suffers. She had to have hope in her Lord and ask Him to help her to remain steadfast. 199

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It is not permissible for her to respond to their demands or to go along with their whims and desires for her to mix with them, look at them, shake hands with them and give up hijaab, because if she pleases them in this manner she will incur the wrath of her Lord. Secondly: The sons of your husband’s brothers and sisters are not mahrams, rather they are among the people of whom you should be extra cautious, because the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) likened them to death. It was narrated from ‘Uqbah ibn ‘Aamir that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” A man from among the Ansaar said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what about the in-law?” He said, “The in-law is death.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4934; Muslim, 2172) Al-Nawawi said: The scholars of Arabic language are agreed that al-hamu (translated here as “in-law”) refers to the relatives of a woman’s husband, such as his father, paternal uncle, brother, brother’s son (nephew), cousin (son of paternal uncle), etc. Akhtaan (sing. khatan) refers to the relatives of a man’s wife, and ashaar (sing. suhr) refers to both. With regard to the Prophet’s words “The in-law is death,” what this means is that there is more fear with regard to him than anyone else, and evil is to be expected of him, and the fitnah (temptation) is greater because he is able to reach the woman and be alone with her without anyone denouncing that, unlike the case of one who is a stranger. What is meant by “in-law” (hamu) here is the relatives of the husband apart from his father/grandfather and sons/ 200

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grandsons. Fathers/grandfathers and sons/grandsons are mahrams for his wife and it is permissible for them to be alone with her. The word “death” here does not refer to them. Rather what is meant is the brother, brother’s son, paternal uncle, cousin, etc, who are not mahrams. People are usually careless about this matter and a man may let his wife be alone with his brother. This is what is referred to by “death” and should be prevented more than her being alone with a stranger for the reasons mentioned above. What we have mentioned is the correct meaning of the hadeeth. Sharh Muslim, 14/154 Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: It is permissible for a woman to sit with her husband’s brothers or cousins, etc., if she is wearing complete shar’i hijaab, which means covering her face, hair and entire body, because she is ‘awrah and fitnah. That is if there is nothing dubious about the gathering. But if the gathering is one in which there is something dubious, then it is not permitted, such as sitting with them in order to listen to singing and musical instruments, etc.; and it is not permissible for her to be alone with any one of them or with anyone else who is not a mahram for her, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man should be alone with a (non-mahram) woman unless she has a mahram with her.” (Saheeh; agreed upon). And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man should be alone with a (nonmahram) woman, for the third one present will be the Shaytaan.” (Narrated by Imam Ahmad with a saheeh isnaad from ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab. May Allaah be pleased with him). And Allaah is the Source of strength. Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 1/422, 423 201

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Thirdly: As for a woman shaking hands with a non-mahram man, this is haraam. It is not permitted for you to take this matter lightly just because your relatives or your husband’s relatives want you to. It was narrated from ‘Urwah that ‘Aa’ishah told him about the bay’ah (oath of allegiance) given by the women: “The hand of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) never touched the hand of any woman. When he accepted the oath of allegiance from a woman, he would accept her words and then say, ‘Go, for you have sworn your allegiance.’” (Narrated by Muslim, 1866) So this infallible one, the best of all mankind, the leader of the sons of Adam on the Day of Resurrection, did not touch women, even though the bay’ah or oath of allegiance originally was done by giving one’s hand. So the ruling should be even more strict with regard to other men? It was narrated that Umaymah the daughter of Raqeeqah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I do not shake hands with women.” (Narrated by al-Nasaa’i, 4181; Ibn Maajah, 2874; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2513) Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Shaking hands with women with a barrier in between is something that is subject to further debate, but the view which is most likely to be correct is that it is not allowed at all, based on the general meaning of the ahaadeeth, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “I do not shake hands with women,” and 202

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so as to ward off the means (that may lead to immoral actions). And Allaah knows best. Haashiyat Majmoo’ah Rasaa’il fi’l-Hijaab wa’l-Sufoor, 69. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 10142: Ruling on a father kissing his daughter Question: Is it permissible for a man to kiss his daughter when she has grown up and has passed the age of puberty, whether she is married or not and whether the kissing is on her cheek or mouth etc.? If he kisses her, what is the ruling? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is nothing wrong with a man kissing his daughter, whether she is big or small, without desire, so long as that is on her cheek, if she is grown up, because of the report that Abu Bakr al-Siddeeq (may Allaah be pleased with him) kissed his daughter ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) on the cheek. And because kissing on the mouth may lead to provocation of sexual desire, so it is better and safer not to do that. Similarly the daughter may kiss her father on the nose or head without desire. But if there is any feeling of desire then it is haraam for either of them to do that, so as to avoid fitnah (temptation) and ward off the means that may lead to evil actions. And Allaah is the source of strength. 203

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Shaykh Ibn Baaz in Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2, p. 547. (www.islam-qa.com) 23347: Ruling on kissing one’s wife’s mother Question: What is the Islamic ruling on greeting and kissing one’s wife’s mother on her cheek or neck? Please quote evidence from the Qur’aan and Sunnah. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is permissible for her to uncover her face, and there is no scholarly dispute on this point. But with regard to kissing her, it is not permissible to kiss her on the mouth because there is the danger that this may provoke desire. But if he kisses her on the head or forehead out of respect towards her when returning from travel etc., and there is no risk of that provoking desire, then it is o.k. And Allaah knows best. From Fataawa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, vol. 2, p. 721. (www.islam-qa.com) 9595e: Ruling on kissing daughters or sons on the mouth Question: Is it true that a father should not kiss his daughter on the mouth and that a mother should not kiss her son on the mouth? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 204

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This is true. A man should not kiss his mother or daughter on the mouth. Similarly, a brother should not kiss his sister on the mouth, or his paternal aunt or his maternal aunt, or any of his mahrams. Kissing on the mouth is only for husband and wife. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 3489: What is the ruling on kissing another person’s hand? Question: What is the ruling on kissing another person’s hand? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is mustahabb to kiss the hands of righteous people and the greatest scholars, and it is makrooh to kiss the hand of anyone else. The hand of the beardless man should not be kissed under any circumstances, (From Fatawa al-Imaam al-Nawawi, p. 71) In the commentary on the book, it says: If a person wants to kiss another person’s hand, if this is because of his asceticism, righteousness, knowledge, position or modesty, or other reason that has to do with his commitment to religion, then it is not makrooh. In such cases it is mustahabb, because Abu ‘Ubaydah kissed the hand of ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them both). 205

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But if it is because of the person’s riches, wealth, high rank or status in the eyes of the people of this world, and so on, then it is intensely makrooh. Al-Mutawalli, one of our companions, said: It is not permitted, and he indicated that it is haraam. It was narrated in Sunan Abi Dawood that Zaari’ (may Allaah be pleased with him), who was among the delegation of ‘Abd Qays, said: “We started to get out from our howdahs and we kissed the hands and feet of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Fatawa al-Imam al-Nawawi, Ta’leeq al-Hajjaar, p. 71. (www.islam-qa.com)

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Chapter 10 Honouring Parents 49723: His father told him to sell the car because he is afraid that he may have an accident. Should he do as he is told? Question: I study in another country, which is a Muslim country, and my children are with me. Because of the circumstances in this country and the place where I am studying, I have to have a car to go to and from the university etc. I bought a car that has been very useful for me in my field of work, but as soon as my father heard the news, he sent me a letter asking me to sell this car immediately because of the crowded traffic and his fear that something bad may happen, Allaah forbid. Please note that studying is very difficult without a means of transportation, especially in this country, which may force me to give up my studies and go back to my country, if I have no means of transportation. Please advise me about this matter, may Allaah reward you with good. If I do not do what my father is telling me in this case, is that regarded as disobedience?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Having a car nowadays in many cases is regarded as a necessity, not a luxury. If you can drive well, there is no justification for your father to forbid you to have and drive a car. 207

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With regard to accidents, you cannot avoid travelling in some kind of vehicle to and from your place of study, and accidents happen to drivers and passengers alike. It seems that you do not have to obey your father in this, but you should be kind and gentle towards him, and try to convince him; do not confront him by saying no, rather be tactful with him. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 45864: Her father mistreats her and her mother resents her, and this has affected her relationship with her husband Question: I got married two years ago. My husband – praise be to Allaah – fears Allaah with regard to the way he treats me, but I have a psychological complex because of a father who did not fear Allaah with regard to me, my siblings and my mother, which created resentment in my heart and in my siblings’ hearts towards him. Even though I have got married and moved away from that horrible life, I cannot help but be upset because of my mother’s and siblings’ suffering. They are still suffering and that affects the way I treat my husband who respects me, but his patience sometimes runs out when he sees me so sad most of the time and he thinks that I like to be miserable. What should I do? Also, my siblings and I cannot respect my father because of the way he has treated us; what should we do to rid ourselves of our resentment towards him? We try to respect him, but he does not respect anyone and he suffers from a complex whereby he hates everyone who is better than him, and he loves to show off and to 208

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stand out, i.e., he wants to show people that he owns a great deal even though he does not own anything, rather he is in debt. I hope that you can help me to solve this problem. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: With regard to your father, you have to keep on advising him and reminding him of what Allaah has enjoined upon him with regard to himself and to his family. You have to try different methods of advising him. It may be hard for him to hear it from you, but do not despair of reminders and exhortations reaching him by way of your relatives or his friends. You could also let him listen to some useful tapes. Secondly: You have to fear Allaah with regard to your husband. You should not bring the worries of your family into your husband’s house and place them on his shoulders, especially since he treats you well and you do not see anything from him that upsets you. What you have to do is to appreciate him and treat him kindly. This is what Allaah commands you to do. Thirdly: No one is free of diseases – except those on whom Allaah has mercy. The fact that your father likes to show off and to appear to be better than others means that you have to be compassionate towards him, not resent him. The fact that he has treated you badly and is still doing so means 209

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that you should show mercy towards him, for if he dies and meets his Lord in that state, then he will meet Him with many sins. Hence you and your siblings and family have to look again at your relationship with your father and your attitude towards him, for Allaah has commanded us to treat parents well and honour them, even if they call us to shirk and kufr. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do” [Luqmaan 31:15] Ibraaheem (peace be upon him) debated with his mushrik father politely, as Allaah tells us (interpretation of the meaning): “And mention in the Book (the Qur’aan) Ibraaheem (Abraham). Verily, he was a man of truth, a Prophet. 42. When he said to his father: ‘O my father! Why do you worship that which hears not, sees not and cannot avail you in anything? 43. ‘O my father! Verily, there has come to me of the knowledge that which came not unto you. So follow me, I will guide you to the Straight Path. 44. ‘O my father! Worship not Shaytaan (Satan). Verily, Shaytaan (Satan) has been a rebel against the Most Gracious (Allaah). 45. ‘O my father! Verily, I fear lest a torment from the

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Most Gracious (Allaah) should overtake you, so that you become a companion of Shaytaan (Satan) (in the Hellfire).’ 46. He (the father) said: ‘Do you reject my gods, O Ibraaheem (Abraham)? If you stop not (this), I will indeed stone you. So get away from me safely (before I punish you).’ 47. Ibraaheem (Abraham) said: ‘Peace be on you! I will ask forgiveness of my Lord for you. Verily, He is unto me Ever Most Gracious’”[Maryam 19:41-47] Look at the etiquette of this Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and how he addressed his mushrik father who was threatening his Muslim son. In this there is a great lesson for those who suffer a similar problem with their fathers. Fourthly: With regard to the grief that you feel, it should not make you stop doing things or prevent you from doing acts of worship, or make you fall short in doing that which Allaah has enjoined upon you, such as the duties that Allaah has enjoined upon you towards your husband, or the duty to call your father to Allaah. We advise you to recite a du’aa’ for protection, and another for healing. The du’aa’ for protection is as follows: It was narrated from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to say: “Allaahumma inni a’oodhu bika min al-hammi wa’l-hazani wa’l’ajzi wa’l-kasali wa’ljubni wa’l-bukhli wa dala’ il-dayn wa ghalbat al-rijaal (O Allaah, I seek refuge with You from worry, grief,

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incapacity, laziness, cowardice, miserliness, from being heavily in debt and from being overcome by men).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6008. The du’aa’ for healing is as follows: It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If a person who is afflicted by anxiety or sorrow says: ‘Allaahumma inni ‘abduka wa ibnu ‘abdika wa ibn ammatika naasiyati bi yadika maadin fiyya hukmuka ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw asta’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘indaka an taj’al al-Qur’aana rabee’a qalbi wa nooar sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi (O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You with which You have named Yourself, or, or You have taught to any of Your creation, or You have revealed in Your Book, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heat and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety)’, then Allaah will take away his anxiety and sorrow, and will replace it with joy.” It was said: “O Messenger of Allaah, should we not learn it?” He said: “Yes, whoever hears it should learn it.” Narrated by Ahmad, 3704; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 199. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 212

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44923: His mother wants him to divorce his second wife so that no one else will follow his example and marry more than one wife Question: I am a lady who has been married for a short time because I am the second wife of a married man. His mother has asked him to divorce me, not because of any bad conduct on my part, but merely so that his sisters’ husbands will not follow his example. She says that she does not care if there is any sin on her because of this demand, what matters is not to go against custom by entering into a plural marriage. What is the Islamic point of view on this matter? Does my husband have to obey her in that, knowing that I live with him according to the way of Allaah?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The mother has no right to tell her son to divorce his wife just because he is going against his family’s or tribe’s custom by taking a second wife, or because she fears that her daughter’s husbands may follow his example, because plural marriage is something that has been permitted by Allaah and by His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). The son does not have to obey his father or mother with regard to divorcing his wife, especially if that is for a reason that is contrary to the aims of sharee’ah, namely to have many children and keep Muslim women chaste and reduce immorality. It says in Mutaalib Oola’l-Nuha (5/320): A son is not obliged to obey his parents, even if they are of good 213

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character, with regard to divorcing his wife, because this is not part of honouring one’s parents. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah was asked about a married man who has children, but his mother dislikes his wife and tells him to divorce her. Is it permissible for him to divorce her? The answer was: It is not permissible for him to divorce her because of what his mother says, rather he should honour his mother, but divorcing his wife is not part of honouring his mother. And Allaah knows best. Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 3/331 Your husband has to honour his mother and treat her kindly, whilst keeping you as his wife, because it is not part of honouring his mother to divorce his wife. This mother should be advised and reminded that it is essential to follow the laws of Islam, and to beware of drawing nigh to sin. She should realize that whether her daughters will get divorced or not, or their husbands will take second wives or not, are matters of the unseen which no one knows except Allaah. Whatever He wills will happen, so there is no point in committing haraam actions and splitting up families. Our advise to you is to strive your hardest to treat your husband’s mother kindly and to win her love, so that your kind treatment of her will erase from her mind the idea of telling her son to divorce you. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 3482: Parents’ permission for voluntary or obligatory Hajj Question: Can a person go for Hajj without his parents’ permission, nd will his Hajj be valid? Can he go out to seek knowledge? Will they be sinners if they stop him? 214

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Answer: Praise be to Allaah. They can stop him from going for a voluntary Hajj, and they will not be sinners if they do that. But they do not have the right to stop him from going for the obligatory Hajj, and they will be sinners of they stop him. If he goes for (obligatory) Hajj without their permission, his Hajj will be valid regardless – even though he would be a sinner if he went for a voluntary Hajj without their permission. He also has the right to travel to seek knowledge without their permission. From Fatawa al-Imaam al-Nawawi, p. 94. (www.islamqa.com) 34176: She has become Muslim and he wants to marry her but his mother refuses Question: I m in a great mess up, where, which to choose. I was in love with a christian girl, now she embraced islam. I want to marry her with my parents wish, which is not possible. My parents not at all ready to accept our relationship. I too doesn’t want to hurt my mother(father deceased). Because she’s the one who enlightened me to understand Allah the almighty. She struggle for us a lot. So, I prayed isthikara namaz to know what Allah wills for me. First time I saw the girl whom I want to marry,unfortunately next time I saw somebody else. I cannot judge myself what should I do. Whether to go against my mother & marry her or to give her up when she need me in desparate(She is newly converted muslim). I m afraid that leaving her may be make her to revert back to past life. I trust that she will not do, but the circumstances makes a person which they never wills. I am at an end neither 215

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swallow nor throw it out. So I want you to suggest me a way where I can keep both of them happy. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We suggest that you should continue in your attempt to convince your mother to accept your marriage to this girl. If she insists on refusing then it is good for you to obey your mother and do as she wishes. There are many women and a man does not have to marry a particular woman. So obedience to your mother should take precedence in this case, because that means that you will be honouring her and treating her kindly. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour” [al-Isra’ 17:23] Ahmad (15577) narrated that Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaahimah came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go and fight (in jihad) and I have come to consult you.” He said, “Do you have a mother?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “Stay with her for Paradise is at her feet.” Shaykh Shu’ayb al-Arna’oot said: its isnaad is hasan. It was also narrated by Ibn Maajah (2781) as follows: “I went to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for jihad with you, seeking thereby the Face of Allaah and the Hereafter.’ He said, ‘Woe to you! Is your mother still alive?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Go back and 216

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honour her.’ Then I approached him from the other side and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for jihad with you, seeking thereby the Face of Allaah and the Hereafter.’ He said, ‘Woe to you! Is your mother still alive?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Go back and honour her.’ Then I approached him from in front and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for jihad with you, seeking thereby the Face of Allaah and the Hereafter.’ He said, ‘Woe to you! Is your mother still alive?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Woe to you! Stay by her feet, for Paradise is there.’” This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Sunan Ibn Maajah. Ibn Abi Shaybah narrated in his Musannaf that Abu Talhah al-Asadi said: I was sitting with Ibn ‘Abbaas and two Bedouins came to him and spoke with him. One of them said: “I was looking for a camel of mine and I stayed with some people. I liked a girl of theirs so I married her, and my parents swore that they would never accept her. I swore that I would free a thousand slaves give one thousand gifts and slaughter one thousand camels if I divorced her.” Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “I am not going to tell you to divorce your wife or to disobey your parents.” He said, “What should I do with this woman?” He said: “Honour your parents.” Something similar was narrated from Abu’l-Darda’. If this had to do with divorcing a woman after marrying her, it is more apt that you should obey your mother before marriage takes place. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 22782: How should the Muslim honour his parents? Question: My problem may be summed up by staying that my father 217

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and mother are always arguing, because my father is sarcastic and offensive, and his character is very unfriendly and difficult to know. My brothers and I are very afraid of him. We do not talk to him except in shallow terms. I want to please my Lord and attain Paradise, and I have read about the importance of honouring one’s parents. But I am very confused. How can I honour my father when I do not know how?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah has mentioned kind treatment of parents alongside the command to worship Him alone. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents” [al-Isra’ 17:23] “Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents…” [al-Nisa’ 4:36] This is indicative of the importance of honouring one’s parents and treating them well. Honouring one’s parents means obeying them, respecting them, praying for them, lowering one’s voice in their presence, smiling at them, lowering the wing of humility to them, not showing displeasure towards them, striving to serve them, fulfilling their wishes, consulting them, listening to what they say, not being stubborn towards them and respecting their friends both during their lifetime and after they have died. 218

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That also includes not travelling without their permission, not sitting in a place higher than theirs, not starting to eat before they do, and not showing preference to your wife or child over them. Honouring them also means visiting them, offering them gifts, thanking them for bringing you up and treating you kindly when you were small and after you grew up. It also means striving to reduce the arguments between them, by offering sincere advice and reminding them as much as you can, and making excuses to the one who is wronged, and saying and doing things to calm them down. No matter how your father treats you, you should follow the good manners described above, so as to avoid everything that may make him angry or upset, so long as that does not lead to sin or disobedience towards Allaah, because the rights of Allaah come before the rights of other people. Ask Allaah to guide them and to set their affairs straight, for He is All-Hearing, Ever Close and Ever Responsive. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 40283: His parents refuse to let him shorten his lower garments. Should he obey them? Question: My parents won’t let me shorten my lower garments (so that they do not come down below my ankles). Should I obey them or not?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah has commanded us to honour our parents in many places in His Book, such as when He says (interpretation of the meaning): 219

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“And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:8] The greatest of rights are the rights of Allaah, after which come the rights of created beings, foremost among which are the rights of parents. Hence Allaah mentions His rights and parents’ rights together in many verses of the Holy Qur’aan, such as when He says (interpretation of the meaning): “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.” [al-Isra’ 17:23] Obeying parents is obligatory unless they enjoin sin, in which case they should not be obeyed. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4340; Muslim, 1840; Ahmad, 1098. Isbaal or letting the lower garment hang below the ankles is a major sin, so you should not obey them if they tell you to do that. But you can wear your clothes at the longest permissible length so that they do not touch the ankles, then you will not be disobeying your Lord by doing that, and you will not be going against your parents’ wishes, because it is not a condition of shortening the lower garment that it should be at mid-calf length, rather you can obey the rule of sharee’ah by not letting your clothes touch your ankles. 220

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If they insist that your clothes should be longer than ankle length, then speak to them nicely and try to convince them, but do not disobey Allaah for their sake by letting your clothes hang below the ankles. Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez Aal al-Shaykh was asked: What is the ruling on isbaal (letting the clothes hang below the ankles)? Is it permissible to obey my father when he wants me to let my clothes hang below the ankles? He replied: Isbaal is haraam, indeed it is one of the major sins. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever allows his garment to trail along the ground out of pride, Allaah will not look at him on the Day of Resurrection.” And he mentioned the three whom Allaah will not look at on the Day of Resurrection or praise them, and theirs will be a painful torment, among whom is the one who allows his garment to hang below his ankles. The one who does this is disobeying Allaah and transgressing His sacred limits, so he has to repent to Allaah. He will be punished because Allaah will not look at him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will be punished because he is given a warning of Hell fire, which indicates that isbaal is one of the major sins, Moreover there is nothing good in isbaal, because it damages the clothes and may make the person stumble, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) said to the young man whom he saw allowing his garment to hang below his ankles – who came to visit ‘Umar in his final sickness – “O young man, lift up your lower garment for it will make your garment last longer and is more obedient to your Lord.” With regard to obeying your parents, parents are not to be obeyed if that involves disobeying Allaah. If they tell you to let your garment hang below your ankles, then you 221

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should disobey them, because isbaal is a major sin and there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. Fataawah Majallat al-Da’wah, issue no. 1741 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 27265: His brother only treats his parents in a harsh manner, and he is afraid that he has been bewitched Question: I am concerned about my eldest brother’s behavior towards his family (mother, father, brothers and sister) There is a great change in his behavior, he doesn’t talk with anyone, says hurtful things to his parents, and resents them, while he is nice to others. I am suspecting his wife for doing some magic on him, please advise if my gut feeling is right, then what is the solution. Please do advise. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah has obliged sons to honour their parents and He has forbidden them to disobey them. We have discussed some of their (parents’) rights in the answer to question no. 5053. What you have said about your brother’s treatment of your parents is an evil action and is a major sin. You have to advise him and remind him of what Allaah has enjoined upon him towards his parents and relatives. It is not permissible for you to accuse others of practicing witchcraft against your brother. The Prophet (peace and 222

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blessings of Allaah be upon him) warned us against suspicion, and told us that it is the falsest of speech. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of suspicion, because suspicion is the falsest of speech; do not spy on one another, do not pry into others’ affairs, do not hate one another; be brothers.” Narrated by alBukhaari, 4849; Muslim, 2563. So you have to look for the reasons why your brother is doing this to you. There may be causes that you can put a stop to and help him to overcome. If there is no apparent reason, there is nothing wrong with asking someone whose religious commitment and knowledge you trust to recite ruqyah for him and find out what is going on. If he finds out that he has been bewitched, then you have to treat him with remedies that will remove that sihr (magic), remedies that are proven in the Qur’aan and Sunnah. Whatever the case, such a situation requires deliberation and wisdom in your dealing with him. Whether he is disobeying his Lord by treating his parents badly or he has been bewitched, he is sick, and the sick person needs to be treated kindly in order to find the most suitable remedy for his condition. We ask Allaah to set the affairs of all the Muslims straight. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 27281: Should he obey his father and buy him alcohol? Question: My father drinks alcohol, and he asks me to bring him 223

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alcohol, and I cannot say no to him, because he is the source of income in the house. Will I be brought to account for this alcohol that I buy?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah has enjoined upon sons to honour and obey their parents. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Say (O Muhammad): ‘Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited you from: Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful to your parents; kill not your children because of poverty’ — We provide sustenance for you and for them. Come not near to AlFawaahish (shameful sins and illegal sexual intercourse) whether committed openly or secretly; and kill not anyone whom Allaah has forbidden, except for a just cause (according to Islamic law). This He has commanded you that you may understand” [al-An’aam 6:151] And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour” [al-Isra’ 17:23] This obedience is obligatory, unless they tell you to commit shirk (associate others in worship with Allaah) or to commit sin.

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Because there is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. Alcohol is forbidden according to the Qur’aan and Sunnah and scholarly consensus. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “O you who believe! Intoxicants (all kinds of alcoholic drinks), and gambling, and AlAnsaab (stone altars for sacrifices to idols, jinn etc), and AlAzlaam (arrows for seeking luck or decision) are an abomination of Shaytaan’s (Satan’s) handiwork. So avoid (strictly all) that (abomination) in order that you may be successful. 91. Shaytaan (Satan) wants only to excite enmity and hatred between you with intoxicants (alcoholic drinks) and gambling, and hinder you from the remembrance of Allaah and from AsSalaah (the prayer). So, will you not then abstain?” [al-Maa’idah 5:90-91] Ten people have been cursed with regard to alcohol, including the one who buys it. It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) cursed ten with regard to alcohol: the one who squeezes it (the grapes etc), the one for whom it is squeezed, the one who drinks it, the one who carries it, the one to whom it is carried, the one who pours it, the one who sells it, the one who consumes its price, the one who buys it and the one for whom it is bought.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1259; Ibn Maajah, 3381. This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, no. 1041. 225

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To sum up, it is not permissible for you to buy alcohol for your father, or to obey any created being if it involves disobedience towards Allaah, even if that will make him angry and make him pray against you, because he is sinning by doing that, and his du’aa’ carries no weight in sharee’ah. It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever pleases Allaah by angering the people, Allaah will suffice him, but whoever angers Allaah by pleasing the people, Allaah will leave him to the people.” Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh, 1/115; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 2311. We ask Allaah to guide your father. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 30893: He gets angry and does not speak to his parents and does not make up with them Question: I have a brother who, when he gets angry with us, does not speak to anyone at all, not even his parents. He argues most with his parents because he thinks that most of what they do is wrong. When they speak to him in order to make up with him he does not respond. I do not know how we should deal with him. This has happened a lot, but he used to agree to make up with his parents after a lot of bother. But this time he does not want any reconciliation. What should we do with him? We have run out of patience with him, and I am his elder brother. Answer: Praise be to Allaah 226

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Firstly: The rights of parents are great indeed. Allaah mentions parents’ rights in conjunction with His own rights in many verses, for example, when He says (interpretation of the meaning): “Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents” [al-Nisa’ 4:36] “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents” [al-Isra’ 17:23] “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination” [Luqmaan 31:14] And there are many similar verses. These verses indicate that it is obligatory to honour our parents, treat them kindly and thank them for their kindness to the child when he was in his mother’s womb and until he became independent and could take care of his own interests. Honouring them includes spending on them when they are in need, hearing and obeying them with regard to things that are good and proper, lowering the wing of humility to them, not raising one’s voice to them, and addressing them with good words and politeness, as Allaah says in Soorat Bani Israa’eel: “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to 227

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them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.’” [alIsra’ 17:23-24] In al-Saheehayn it is narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked which deed is best. He said, “Prayer performed on time.” He was asked, then what? He said, “Honouring one’s parents.” He was asked, then what? He said, “Jihad for the sake of Allaah.” And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The pleasure of Allaah is in pleasing one’s father and the anger of Allaah is in angering one’s father.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1821; classed as saheeh by Ibn Hibaan and al-Haakim, from the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with him). The version narrated by al-Tabaraani refers to “parents” (instead of “father”). And there are very many ahaadeeth which state that it is obligatory to honour one’s parents and treat them kindly. The opposite of honouring them is disobeying them, which is one of the major sins, because it is proven in alSaheehayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shall I not tell you of the greatest of major sins?” – three times – and we said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said: “Associating others in worship with Allaah, and disobeying one’s parents,” – and he was reclining, but he sat up and said, “And false speech and false witness.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2654; Muslim, 126. In al-Saheehayn it is also narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn 228

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‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “One of the major sins is a man insulting his parents.” It was said, “O Messenger of Allaah, do people really insult their parents?” He said, “Yes, a man insults another man’s father so he insults his father, or he insults another man’s mother so he insults his mother.” Narrated by alBukhaari, 5973; Muslim, 130. So the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) regarded causing one’s parents to be insulted as insulting them. So every Muslim man and woman must pay attention to honouring his or her parents and treating them kindly, especially when they grow old or are in need of kindness, honour and service; and they should beware of disobeying them or treating them badly in word or deed. From the words of Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him), 8/306, 307. Secondly: Remind your brother of Allaah and tell him to fear His punishment; show him the texts that warn against disobeying parents and explain to him the status of honouring parents in Islam, so that proof will be established against him and you will have discharged your duty before Allaah. He should realize that he is sinning because of his abhorrent treatment of his parents and he is doing something that Allaah has forbidden. But despite that do not despair of his being guided, and do not give up on trying to reconcile between your brother and his parents. But if you are unable to do that, then Allaah does not burden any soul beyond its scope. Strive to find different ways of offering advice to your brother, sometimes by letting him hear a moving tape, sometimes by giving him a useful book on this topic. And you have to remind him that Allaah may punish him 229

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through his children, because they may do the same to him as he is doing to his parents now, and so on… Another way of dealing with this is to look for the causes that are making him behave like this, then try to resolve them. It is clear that there are some psychological problems affecting many of those who disobey their parents, such as delaying marriage, or the presence of some evils in their homes that cause them to be disobedient, and so on. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 20961: Hesitation of a Christian woman who wants to become Muslim, and she is asking about her relationship with her family Question: I am a christian woman. i am in love with a man who is muslim i want to marry him on any cost he guided me towords Islam and i have seen the scientific proofs of islam now my situation is i am neutral i am not christian and even not muslim...i really want to embrace islam i am really trying very hard. Infact my belief on christianity was very strong whcih has almost gone, also my family allowed me do whatever can make you happy Inshallah soon i will embrace Islam but i am worry about i can’t get the peace and satisfaction of what i am going to do...if i embrace Islam without peace and satisfaction it seems like i am just becoming muslim to marry the Man i love whcih i don’t want to do...i want to become muslim for Allah..what should i do i am very confuse and praying to allah to show me the right path..even i have choosen my name Emaan. kindly guide me that what should i do if i embrace Islam without peace and satisfaction will it be 230

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ok... rest of the things i will leave on Allah to guide for the right things..? my second question is when i will become muslim will be still able to meet my non-muslim family..infact i was reading somewhere in islamic site..that if husband ristrict his wife not to visit the places and not to do the things which he doesn’t like...a wife must obey her husband and not to annoy him... I Love my family very very much and they love me heaps too thats why they are not risisting in my way to become muslim..but i don’t want to leave them and also they don’t want to leave me too.. kindly guide me if i could meet my family..and celebrate the special days whith them and i would be able to exchande the gifts on special days like christmas..?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: Hesitation about entering Islam is not something expected from a woman like you who can write in such an eloquent manner and has reason and wisdom with which to know right from wrong, rather you should be guiding others who are confused and lost. You should realize that the Shaytaan is the one who is preventing you from making a firm decision to enter Islam; he is the one who is making you think that your entering Islam is not because of your own conviction and that you will never have peace of mind, and other thoughts that he is putting into your heart and mind, and making you hesitate to make the decision that will bring you happiness in this world and in the Hereafter. Your becoming Muslim will be for the sake of Allaah, 231

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and the Muslim man is only the means that led to that. There is no shame on a man who becomes Muslim because of a woman who advises him sincerely and guides him, and there is no shame on a woman who becomes Muslim because of a man who advises her sincerely and guides her. There follows the unique story of a woman in Islam. She is one of the rare examples of this ummah (nation); think long and hard about her story: It was narrated that Anas ibn Maalik said: Abu Talhah proposed marriage to Umm Sulaym, and she said: “By Allaah, O Abu Talhah, a man like you is not to be refused, but you are a kaafir man, and I am a Muslim woman, and it is not permissible for me to marry you. But if you become Muslim that will be my mahr (dowry), and I will not ask you for anything else.” So he became Muslim, and that was her mahr. Thaabit – the student of Anas – said: I never heard of any woman who had a better mahr than Umm Sulaym, which was Islam [i.e., her husband becoming Muslim]. Then he consummated the marriage with her, and she bore him a child. Narrated by al-Nasaa’i, 3341. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i. You should also note that as soon as faith enters the depths of your heart, you will realize that the whole world cannot be equal to living for one moment with this great blessing of Islam. Some people entered Islam for the sake of money, but they soon began to love Islam and to fight for its sake, sacrificing that which was most dear to them. So you must strive within yourself and realize that the Shaytaan wants to prevent you from attaining happiness and following the religion of man’s natural inclination and reason. You will be choosing the religion of Adam, Ibraaheem (Abraham), Moosa (Moses) and the Messiah (peace be upon them all), the religion of the natural 232

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inclination of man with which people were created. This universe has only one Lord, with no partner or associate. He is the One Who deserves to be worshipped alone, and our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was only sent with the same message as the Messengers who came before him. So be with those who follow the Prophets and Messengers and you will find happiness in this world and in the Hereafter. Secondly: Islam will never prevent you from meeting with your family, rather it will urge you to treat them even better than you did before, so that you will be a good example of a Muslim woman, and help them to embrace this religion. The people who most deserve to share this blessing with you are your family members. Asma’ bint Abi Bakr al-Siddeeq said: My mother came to me when she was a mushrik at the time of Quraysh, at the time of the treaty with them (i.e. during the period when the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had made a peace treaty with the people of Makkah not to fight for the duration). I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “O Messenger of Allaah, my mother has come and she needs my help, should I uphold ties of kinship with my mother?” He said, “Yes, uphold the ties of kinship with your mother.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (and Muslim, 1003). Here the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) gave permission for a Muslim to uphold the ties of kinship with his family who follow a religion other than Islam, even if those family members are calling him to forsake his religion and become a mushrik (one who worships others besides Allaah). Although Islam forbids 233

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him to respond to their call, it still commands him to treat them well and be kind to them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly” [Luqmaan 31:14-15] Our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was keen to call his family to Islam, and he continued to visit them and call them; he visited his paternal uncle Abu Taalib when he was dying and invited him to Islam. So there is nothing to prevent you visiting your family, but that should be in agreement with your husband, and you have to utilize these visits to call them to the truth and goodness, and help them to attain salvation. What is haraam in these visits is free mixing of men and women, shaking hands with non-mahram men, and joining in their festivals. It is no secret to you that the rulings brought by Islam are in the best interests of people, both in this world and in the Hereafter. There is nothing wrong with exchanging gifts with them either, and that may be a means of softening their hearts and encouraging them to become Muslim, so long as the gifts are not given because of their festivals, especially the religious festivals. It is not permissible for you to accept or give gifts on those occasions, because that is helping them in their falsehood and approving of it. 234

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See also question no. 1130. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 27173: He married a widow and his family objects Question: I need help.I married a Muslim Woman who had 4 children.A dedicated muslim widow. In spite of my parents approval I married her.And now we are living happily dedicated in five times prayers,reading Quran etc,along with the children.The reason for my marrage was sincere and genuine, no foul play of intention.To give a helping hand to a woman burdened with children and her sustainence. The reason for refusal of my parents was as to why I should carry somebody elses burden or trash and thats not fair for me to face a punishment as such. And was also concern that the difficuilty and shame they will face in front of their relations. I had humbly and kindly explained to them this: 1. I do have the courage to take a woman of that nature and face the consequences with the help of Allah.And Allah will not put a burden that I cannot carry. 2. And why I should not face a punishment for a good cause in the name of Allah,where as I am giving life to a women who had emmencely fallen down mentally,physically and financially. 3. Relations talk about pride and wealth only,do not pray, think Allah.and also do not care us, And I totally rely on Allah and not on my relations kith & kin. But in spite of all explaination they refuse me and my wife.I married in spite of all this and I am happy now. I repent every day to Allah for being very hash & hard to my parents. Dear brother,couple of days before in TV in a particular 235

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Islamic session A brother said that Janna or heaven is in the feet of a persons mother,if I heard it correctly,Now I feel too guilty about myself. So please let me know what shall I do now?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. What you have done, marrying a woman who has children and was suffering from numerous problems is an action for which you deserve to be praised and rewarded, especially since she is religiously-committed as seems to be the case from your question. Islam encourages the one who wants to get married to look for a woman who is religiously-committed, for she is the best kind of wife he can have. She will keep herself and her husband chaste, and raise his children in the manner that Allaah likes. She will obey her husband and not disobey him. Marriage to a virgin is encouraged in sharee’ah and is better than marrying a previously-married woman, but the previously-married woman may have characteristics that make her better than a virgin, such as if marriage to her serves a purpose that cannot be met by marrying a virgin, or if her religious commitment and attitude is better than that of a virgin. Al-Bukhaari (4052) and Muslim (715) narrated that Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to me: “Have you got married, O Jaabir?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “To a virgin or to a previously-married woman?” I said, “To a previously-married woman, O Messenger of Allaah.” He said, “Why not a young girl with whom you could play and she could play with you?” I said, “My father was killed on the day of Uhud, and he left behind nine 236

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daughters. I did not like to bring to them someone like them, and I wanted to bring a woman who could look after them and guide them.” He said, “May Allaah bless you,” or he said good words to me. According to one report he said, “You did the right thing.” And according to a version narrated by Muslim, “Then that is better. For women may be married for their religious commitment, their wealth or their beauty. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Al-Shawkaani said in Nayl al-Awtaar (6/126): This indicates that it is mustahabb to marry virgins, except for one who has a reason to marry a previously-married woman, as happened in the case of Jaabir. End quote. Al-Sindi said: “Then that is better” means, what you did by marrying a previously-married woman is better or is good. End quote. So you have done well by marrying this woman, and what people say should not matter to you after that. You have done what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did, for most of his wives had been previously married. It is not essential for your parents to agree with your marriage, especially if their objections are for the reasons you mentioned. We have previously quoted in the answer to question no. 21052 the fatwa of Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Humayyid concerning this matter, so please read it as it is important. You have to repent and seek Allaah’s forgiveness for being harsh towards your parents. You have to be gentle with them and try to please them. You can argue with them in the way that is better so as to convince them, and in this 237

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way you can combine two things: marrying whom you want and pleasing your parents, which is important. Secondly: With regard to the hadeeth, “Paradise is at the feet of mothers,” this wording is not saheeh. It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas and from Anas. The hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas was narrated by Ibn ‘Adiyy in al-Kaamil (6/347). He said: this is a munkar hadeeth [a category of weak hadeeth]. The hadeeth of Anas was narrated by al-Khateeb alBaghdaadi, and it is da’eef (weak). Al-‘Ajlooni said: Concerning this subject there is also the report narrated by al-Khateeb in his Jaami’ and by al-Qadaa’i in his Musnad, from Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) and attributed to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Paradise is at the feet of mothers.” Its isnaad includes Mansoor ibn al-Muhaajir and Abu’lNadr al-Abaar, both of whom are unknown. Al-Khateeb also mentioned it narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him), and classed it as da’eef. Kashf al-Khafa’, 1/401. Shaykh al-Albaani said of the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas that it is mawdoo’ (fabricated). And he said: We can do without it and refer instead to the hadeeth of Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaahimah, who said that he came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go out for jihad and I have come to consult you.” He said, “Do you have 238

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a mother?” He said, “Yes.” He said, “Then stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet.” Narrated by al-Nasaa’i, 2/54, and by others such as alTabaraani (1/225/2), and its isnaad is hasan in sha Allah. Al-Haakim classed it as saheeh (4/151) and al-Dhahabi agreed with him, as did al-Mundhiri, 3/214. Al-Silsilah al-Da’eefah, 593. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 27196: She became Muslim but her family did not; should she honour her family even though they mistreat her? Question: I became Muslim when I was young. My father threw me out of the house so I moved to a Muslim country with my husband to live there. I still keep in touch with my mother. Is there any sin on me for not keeping in touch with my father, knowing that he tells people I am a prostitute and he is threatening to kill me and my family?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We praise Allaah for having guided you to Islam. Undoubtedly Allaah has blessed you greatly by choosing you from among your family to be the first of them to enter this religion. We ask Allaah to make you the cause of them also entering Islam. What you have done of calling your family to Islam is 239

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what Allaah has enjoined upon you; they take priority over others when it comes to da’wah and telling them the truth. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Say (O Muhammad): ‘This is my way; I invite unto Allaah (i.e. to the Oneness of Allaah — Islamic Monotheism) with sure knowledge, I and whosoever follows me (also must invite others to Allaah, i.e. to the Oneness of Allaah — Islamic Monotheism with sure knowledge). And Glorified and Exalted be Allaah (above all that they associate as partners with Him). And I am not of the Mushrikoon (polytheists, pagans, idolaters and disbelievers in the Oneness of Allaah; those who worship others along with Allaah or set up rivals or partners to Allaah)’” [Yoosuf 12:108] “And warn your tribe (O Muhammad) of near kindred” [al-Shu’ara’ 26:214] The person who calls others to Allaah should be gentle and subtle in his approach, especially with his family. Allaah has commanded us to treat our parents kindly, even if they are kaafirs and call us to kufr. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Invite (mankind, O Muhammad) to the way of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Revelation and the Qur’aan) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His path, and He is the Best Aware of those who are guided” [al-Nahl 16:125] “And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have 240

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no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:8] If any of them does not respond, his misguidance is his own problem and Allaah will not make the daa’iyah accountable for any of his sin. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Whoever goes right, then he goes right only for the benefit of his ownself. And whoever goes astray, then he goes astray to his own loss. No one laden with burdens can bear another’s burden. And We never punish until We have sent a Messenger (to give warning)” [al-Isra’ 17:15] What you did, migrating to one of the Muslim countries and getting married, was the right thing to do. The Muslim cannot usually maintain his or her religious commitment in a hostile environment where he or she is a stranger; it is especially hard for a woman who has no power and no strength except with Allaah. This difficulty is demonstrated by what your father did, throwing you out of the house when he found out that you are a Muslim, Your keeping in touch with your mother and asking after your father is something for which you deserve praise; this is something that Allaah has enjoined upon you. The rights of parents are great, so do not cut off your ties with them, even if they mistreat you. Try to get in touch with your father and speak kindly to him; perhaps that will be a cause of his being guided and will dispel the hardness in his heart towards you. With regard to your father’s threats, do not pay any attention to them and do not worry about them; nothing will happen to you or your husband or your family except 241

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that which Allaah has decreed for you. So take precautions and seek refuge with Allaah, for He is the Best of protectors and He is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy. With regard to his slander and accusations against you, this comes under the heading of the kaafir’s persecution of the Muslim. The honour of our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was slandered when his wife and our mother, the Mother of the Believers ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) was accused of adultery; and it was said that he was a sorcerer, a soothsayer and a madman. Similar accusations were made against his brother Prophets as well. Be patient and trust that Allaah will give you a way out and will relieve you of your worry; seek His help and always make du’aa’ to Him and turn to Him, for He is the Best of supporters and helpers. We ask Allaah to make you steadfast in adhering to His religion and to increase you in guidance, insight and knowledge. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 27105: What is the ruling on living with a kaafir mother? Question: What is the ruling on living with kafir mother and wanting to move your wife into the home with her?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is no reason why a son should not live with his kaafir mother, or her with him. That may be a means of 242

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her being guided to Islam, if the son treats her well and gives a good impression of Islam; keeping away from her may be a cause of her coming to Islam being delayed. The Muslim is enjoined to treat his parents well and honour them even if they are kuffaar. It is not permissible for a Muslim to disobey them or treat them badly in word and deed. But that does not mean that he should obey her in matters that are sinful or show approval of the kufr that she believes in. (a) Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:8] (b) And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do” [Luqmaan 31:15] (c) It was narrated that Asma’ bint Abi Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: My mother came to me at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and she was a mushrik. I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) about that, saying, “My mother has come to me and she wants to visit me; should I uphold the ties of 243

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kinship with her?” He said, “Yes, uphold the ties of kinship with your mother.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2477; Muslim, 1003) (d) It was narrated from Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqaas that a verse of Qur’aan was revealed concerning him. He said: Umm Sa’d swore that she should never speak to him until he gave up his religion, and she would never eat or drink. She said, “You claim that Allaah commands you to honour your parents, and I am your mother, and I am telling you to do this.” He said, She stayed like that for three days, until exhaustion overtook her, then one of her sons, whose name was ‘Amaarah, got up and gave her some water, and she started to pray against Sa’d. Then Allaah revealed Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning): “And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner…” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:8] And He said (interpretation of the meaning): “…but behave with them in the world kindly…” [Luqmaan 31:15] Narrated by Muslim, 1748. (e) There follows a fatwa from Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) regarding the issue of obeying parents with regard to shaving the beard: Question: Regarding obeying your father with regard to shaving the beard. The Shaykh replied: It is not permissible for you to obey your father in shaving 244

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the beard, rather you must let it grow, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Trim the moustache and let the beard grow; be different from the mushrikeen.” And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Obedience is only with regard to that which is good and proper.” Letting the beard grow is obligatory, not just Sunnah, according to fiqhi terminology, because the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded that, and the basic principle is that a command is obligatory. Majmoo’ Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Baaz, 8/377-378 See also the answer to question no. 5053 and 6401. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 33680: Muslim society and the care of the elderly Question: How are the elderly treated in Islam? Do they have a special status? Do they receive care that suits their health needs?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Islam is the religion of compassion and justice, a religion that teaches perfect morals and forbids bad conduct, a religion that grants man his dignity, if he adheres to the laws of Allaah. 245

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There can be no doubt that Islam has given the elderly a special status, as there are texts which urge Muslims to respect and honour them. Care of the elderly in Islam is based on a number of focal points, including the following: 1 – Man is an honoured creature and has an honourable status in Islam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And indeed We have honoured the Children of Adam, and We have carried them on land and sea, and have provided them with AtTayyibaat (lawful good things), and have preferred them above many of those whom We have created with a marked preferment” [al-Isra’ 17:70] So the elderly, as sons of Adam, are included in this high status, based on the general meaning of this verse. 2 – Muslim society is the society of mutual compassion and coherence Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Muhammad is the Messenger of Allaah. And those who are with him are severe against disbelievers, and merciful among themselves” [al-Fath 48:29] And Allaah says, describing the believers (interpretation of the meaning): “Then he became one of those who believed (in the Islamic Monotheism) and recommended one another to perseverance and patience, and (also) recommended one another to pity and compassion. 246

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They are those on the Right Hand (i.e. the dwellers of Paradise)” [al-Balad 90:17-18] The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) described the believers as being like a single body. He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The likeness of the believers in their mutual love, mercy and compassion is that of the body; if one part of it complains, the rest of the body joins it in staying awake and suffering fever.” Narrated by Muslim, 2586. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 13. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Most Merciful has mercy on those who are merciful. Be merciful to those who are on earth so that the One Who is in heaven will have mercy on you.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1924); classed as saheeh by alAlbaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1569. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The relationship of the believer to the people of faith is like that of the head to the body; the believer is pained by the suffering of the people of faith just as the body is pained by the suffering of the head.” Narrated by Ahmad, 32370); narrated by al-Albaani in al-Saheehah, 1137. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Man is doomed and a loser if Allaah does not put compassion for mankind in his heart.” Al-Albaani said in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (456): its isnaad is hasan. 3 – The Muslim society is a society of cooperation and mutual support 247

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Ibn Abi’l-Dunya narrated from Ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The most beloved of people to Allaah is the one who brings most benefit to people, and the most beloved of deeds to Allaah is making a Muslim happy, or relieving him of hardship, or paying off his debt, or warding off hunger from him. For me to go with my Muslim brother to meet his need is dearer to me than observing i’tikaaf in this mosque – meaning the mosque of Madeenah – for a month… whoever goes with his Muslim brother to meet his need, Allaah will make him stand firm on the Day when all feet will slip.” Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb, 2623. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever relieves a Muslim of one of the hardships of this world, Allaah will relieve him of one of the hardships of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever helps one who is financial difficulty, Allaah will help in this world and in the Hereafter, and whoever conceals a Muslim’s (fault), Allaah will conceal his (fault) in this world and in the Hereafter. Allaah will help a person so long as he helps his brother.” Narrated by Muslim, 2699. 4 – The elderly person has a high status before Allaah if he adheres to the laws of Allaah. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No one of you should wish for death or pray for it before it comes to him, for when one of you dies, his good deeds come to an end, and nothing increases a believer’s lifespan but good.” Narrated by Muslim, 2682. 248

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And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shall I not tell you who is the best of you? The best of you is the one who lives the longest life, if he is righteous and does good deeds.” al-Albaani said in al-Silsilah alSaheehah (2498): it is hasan li ghayrihi. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you are those who live the longest and do the best deeds.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 3263. And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No one is better before Allaah than a believer who lives a long life in Islam because of his saying Subhaan-Allaah (tasbeeh), Allaahu akbar (takbeer) and Laa ilaaha illAllaah (tahleel).” Narrated by Ahmad, 1404. al-Albaani said in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (654): its isnaad is hasan. Al-Tirmidhi narrated (2329) that a Bedouin said: “O Messenger of Allaah, who is the best of people?” He said, “The one who lives a long life and does good deeds.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1899. 5 – Respecting the elderly and honouring them are characteristics of the Muslim society The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Part of glorifying Allaah is honouring the greyhaired Muslim.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 4843; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood, 4053. An old man came wanting to see the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and the people did not make way for him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is not one of us who does 249

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not show mercy to our young ones and respect our old ones.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1919; classed as hasan by alAlbaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1565. 6 – Ways in which the Muslim society takes care of the elderly (i) Enjoining good treatment of parents: This is one of the ways in which the elderly are cared for in Islam, because parents are usually elderly. The command to honour one’s parents is accompanied with the command to believe in Allaah alone (Tawheed) and the prohibition on associating others with Him (shirk) in many verses, for example Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents…” [al-Nisa’ 4:36] “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents” [al-Isra’ 17:23] It was narrated that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood said: I asked the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), “Which deed is most beloved to Allaah?” He said, “Prayer offered on time.” He said, “Then what?” He said, “Then honouring one’s parents.” He said, “Then what?” He said, “Jihad for the sake of Allaah.” He told me that if I wanted to ask him more, he would tell me more. Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 527. (ii) Enjoining honouring one’s parents’ friends even after 250

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the parents have passed away, and regarding that as part of honouring one’s parents. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Part of honouring (one’s parents) is to keep in touch with your father’s friend.” Al-Albaani said in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (23030): it is saheeh when all its isnaads are taken into consideration. Muslim (2552) narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar that a man from among the Bedouin met him on the road to Makkah. ‘Abd-Allaah greeted him with salaam, made him ride on the donkey that he was riding and gave him the turban that he had been wearing on his head. Ibn Dinar said: We said to him, May Allaah guide you, they are just Bedouin and they are content with something simple. ‘Abd-Allaah said: The father of this man was a close friend of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab and I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say, “The best way of honouring one’s parents is for the son to keep in touch with his father’s friends.” Some of the salaf even used to travel in order to keep in touch with their father’s friends. Ahmad (26998) narrated that Yoosuf ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Salaam said: I came to Abu’l-Darda’ when he was sick with the illness that would be his last, and he said to me, “O son of my brother, what has brought you to this land?” or “what has brought you?” He said: I said, “Nothing except to maintain the tie (of friendship) that existed between you and my father ‘AbdAllaah ibn Salaam.” This is one of the forms of elder care in Islam. When the members of the Muslim society visit the friends of their fathers they help to include the elderly in society and put an end to the isolation they feel, which in turn reduces impact of the social and psychological changes that the elderly go through. 251

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This is unlike what happens in non-Muslim societies. From time to time we hear news of what happens to some of the elderly there, and the extent of the isolation in which they are living. There was an old man who was left dead in his apartment for four years, and his body was only discovered by accident. Al-Jazeerah newspaper, issue no. 7751, 7/1414 AH. In a report from the Ministry of Families, Youth and Seniors in Germany in 1993 CE, it says that there are 440,000 elderly people who are subjected to physical and mental abuse at the hands of their relatives and family members at least once each year. There was an old paralyzed woman who died of starvation in her apartment because her son had cut off her water, electricity and gas, until the neighbours found out what was happening… but after it was too late. And an elderly man died in his flat in London; he had five children but not one of them knew of his death until six months later. There was an old woman in Germany whose house had a garden which was very beautiful. She took care of it all year round for the sake of only one day each year when her children came to visit her, because she loved them so much but they ignored her. She prepared the garden for them one day and made delicious food for them, then she was shocked when they made excuses and did not come. She wept a great deal and nearly cried herself to death. In one of the upper-class areas of Tokyo an elderly man was discovered in his apartment one and a half years after he died. And an old lady was found who had died of starvation in her apartment. 252

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Even stranger than that is the elderly man who was over ninety years old, and no one knew that he had died for five days after his death. What is so strange is that he died in a seniors’ home in the city of Sabor on the island of Hokkaido, and none of the workers in the home realized that he had died until some of his relatives came to visit him and they found out what had happened. Praise be to Allaah for the blessing of Islam. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 22724: His family have cut him off because he got married without their approval Question: I am a young man, thirty years old. I wanted to get married to a girl whom I love and she is religiously-committed and of good character, but my mother and sisters objected to me marrying her for several reasons (including the fact that they wanted me to marry someone from a higherclass and wealthier family). I tried to convince them but I did not succeed. They threatened to cut me off if I went ahead and married her, but I did not pay attention to their threat. I went ahead and married her, and my family have carried out their threat and cut me off completely. Praise be to Allaah, I am happy with my wife but I feel very sad about my family’s attitude and their letting me down treatment at the time when I needed them to stand by my side. I have tried to reconcile with them after my marriage and I have asked some good people to mediate, but without success. Now after nearly a year I feel that we are very far apart and that the rift between us is even deeper. Am I committing sin in my attitude, and does my mother have the right to use her right that I should honour 253

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her as a means to force me to do what she wants and and take away my right to decide my future and to choose my life partner? May Allaah reward you with good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Our advice to parents and siblings is not to prevent sons from getting married to whomever they want, if she is religiously-committed and of good character. They should strive to make their sons happy; marrying a son to a woman he does not like puts him in a difficult situation: either he will divorce her or he will live with her even though he does not like her and his heart is attached to another. This is harmful for him and for her, and exposes the family to disintegration. The parents do not have the right to force their son to marry someone whom he does not like, and it is not permissible for them to cut him off if he goes against them in that. It is haraam for a believer to forsake his fellow-believer unless there is a shar’i reason for doing so. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days.” Narrated by alBukhaari, 6065. The sin is more serious if the forsaking for no reason involves a son, mother, brother or other relative, because in that case he is combining two sins: forsaking a Muslim and severing the ties of kinship. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The parents have no right to force their son to marry someone he does not want. If he refuses he is not being 254

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disobedient; it is like forcing him to eat something he does not want. al-Ikhtiyaaraat, p. 344 Based on this, what you did was not a sin, but you have to continue to honour your mother and uphold the ties of kinship with your sisters as much as you can. Try to reconcile with them. Go to your mother, kiss her head and hand, for she only wants you to be happy. Tell her that you are happy and ask her for her approval. Do the same with your sisters. If they continue to cut you off, then ask Allaah’s help and continue to honour them and uphold the ties of kinship with them. Remember the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “The upholder of kinship ties is not the one who is kind to them if they are kind to him, rather the upholder of kinship ties is the one who, if his relatives cut him off, he upholds the ties of kinship with them.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5991. We ask Allaah to set your affairs straight and those of all the Muslims. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 20106: Marrying an ex-Christian woman who has become Muslim recently and has a child Question: I have a very good friend who embraced Islam only a couple of months ago. She was married and had a child with her Christian husband. The marriage is now annulled after her conversion and she has the custody of the child. I want to marry her and support her child but my parents 255

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are not allowing me to do so. I am proud to say that I was God’s tool for the conversion of this girl. But now I face this tough situation. On one hand my parents seriously resisting my wish and are not ready to allow me to marry this girl because she comes from a different culture and society and also has a son from her previous marriage. And on the other hand I know that this girl needs a lot of help with her life and religion and I want to help her by marrying her and taking her child as my son. Please advise me in the light of Qura’an and Sunnah, whether I should go ahead with my choice and judgement or should I leave her alone according to my parents’ will even after knowing that the only reason they are rejecting her is because she comes from a different country and culture?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Parents have important rights over their children, hence Allaah mentioned the command to honour parents in conjunction with the command to worship Him Alone, as He says: “And (remember) when We took a covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying): Worship none but Allaah (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents” [al-Baqarah 2:83] “Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents…” [al-Nisa’ 4:36]

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“Say (O Muhammad): Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited you from: Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful to your parents…” [al-An’aam 6:151] “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour” [al-Isra’ 17:23] Honouring parents, treating them kindly and striving to please them are among the greatest of good deeds and best of characteristics. It is known that a man does not have to marry a particular woman, so if there is a conflict between pleasing his parents and marrying a woman he wants, then he should undoubtedly give precedence to pleasing his parents. Al-Tirmidhi (1900) and Ibn Maajah (2089) narrated from Abu’l-Darda’ that a man came to him and said, “I have a wife and my mother is telling me to divorce her.” Abu’lDarda’ said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say, ‘The father is the best door to Paradise.’ So if you want, you may ignore this door or pay attention to it.” This hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. What Abu’l-Darda’ said has to do with divorce, which is more serious than the issue at hand, because divorce is a very serious matter. Hence the correct view is that you do not have to obey your parents in this matter. (See al-Adab al-Shar’iyyah by Ibn Muflih, 1/447)

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Based on the above, you should try to convince your parents to let you marry this woman. If they insist on refusing then our advice is to obey them. The woman will find a righteous husband to marry in sha Allah, and you will have the reward of having brought her to Islam, praise be to Allaah. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 12652: He wants to benefit his deceased father Question: I give out money on my father’s behalf (deceased). I would like to do good for my father, what else can I do other than feed a Muslim for the month of Ramadan?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Charity (sadaqah) given on behalf of the deceased will benefit him and its reward will reach him, according to the consensus of the Muslims. Muslim (1630) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “My father has died and left behind wealth, and he did not make a will. Will it be an expiation for him if I give in charity on his behalf?” He said, “Yes.” Muslim also narrated (1004) from ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased wth her) that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “My mother died suddenly and I think that if she could have spoken she 258

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would have given in charity [i.e., left instructions that some of her estate be given in charity]. Will I have a reward if I spend in charity on her behalf?” He said, “Yes.” Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: This hadeeth indicates that it is permissible to give in charity on behalf of the deceased and that doing so is mustahabb, and that the reward for that will reach the deceased and benefit him or her; it will also benefit the one who gives the charity. There is consensus on all of that among the Muslims. Feeding the poor is one of the acts of kindness and charity that was enjoined by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), especially providing iftaar to one who is fasting. Also among the best things that you can do to benefit your father and honour him is to make du’aa’ for him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man dies, all his good deeds come to an end except three: ongoing charity; beneficial knowledge; and a righteous son who will pray for him.” Narrated by Muslim, 1631. So you should make a lot of du’aa’ for your father, during your prayer and at other times, asking Allaah to forgive him, and admit him to Paradise, and keep him away from Hell. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 12633: Should I obey my father and give up being friends with good people? Question: My parents have told me to stop being friends with good 259

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people, and not to travel with them to do ‘Umrah. Please note that I am on my way to becoming religiously committed. Do I have to obey them in this matter?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You do not have to obey them in disobeying Allaah or in anything that will adversely affect you, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Obedience is only with regard to what is right and proper,” and “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator.” The person who tells you not to be friends with good people is not to be obeyed, whether they are your parents or anyone else. You should not obey anyone who tells you to be friends with bad people either. But you should speak to your parents in a good manner and in a way that is better, such as saying “These are good people, I benefit a lot from them, I am fond of them and I am learning a lot from them.” You should respond to them with kind words and good manners, and not be harsh with them. If they tell you not to be friends with them, do not tell them that you are seeking out good people and getting in touch with them, or that you have gone places with them if they do not approve of that. You only have to obey them with regard to acts of worship and what is good and proper. If they tell you to make friends with bad people, or they tell you to smoke or drink alcohol or commit adultery, or other sins, then do not obey them or anyone else who tells you to do such things, because of the two hadeeth quoted above. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat li’l-Shaykh Ibn Baaz, 6/126 (www.islam-qa.com) 260

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26852: Does a son or daughter have the right to refuse the person whom the parents choose for them to marry? Question: To what extent to parents have right to chose your life partner?what if they force you to get married to someone in the family and that’s the not the ultimate choice in mind to what extent are you convicted if you refuse.Do you have the right to opposed to the choice that your parents have choosen for you?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The basic principle is that one of the conditions of marriage is the consent of both parties, because of the hadeeth of Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) which says that the Prophet SAW said: “A virgin cannot be married until her consent has been sought and a previously-married woman cannot be married until she has been consulted.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, what is her consent?” He said, “If she remains silent.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5136; Muslim, 1419) Consent is essential in the case of the husband, and also in the case of the wife. The parents have no right to force their son or their daughter to marry someone they do not want. But if the person whom the parents have chosen is righteous, then the child, whether male or female, should obey the parents in that, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. 261

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Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 865). But if obeying them will lead to divorce later on, then the child does not have to obey them in that, because consent is the foundation of the marital relationship, and this consent must be in accordance with sharee’ah, which is approval of the one who is religiously committed and of good character. Shaykh Dr. Khaalid al-Mushayqih A child is not considered to be disobedient or sinful if he does not obey his parents in this regard. Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah said: The parents do not have the right to force their child to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses he is not being disobedient towards them, as is the case when he does not eat what he does not want. Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, 344. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 30796: Should he get married without his father’s approval? Question: Is it permissible for a man to get married to a woman whose religious commitment and character he admires, even though his parents do not approve?. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 262

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A son is not doing wrong if he chooses a woman who is religiously committed and of good character, for this is the advice of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) with regard to marriage. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper]!” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466) There follows some advice for you and your father from Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, that has to do with your situation. The Shaykh (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The question leads us to offer you two points of advice. The first point is addressed to your father, if he insists on not allowing you to marry this woman whom you describe as being of good character and religiously-committed. What he should do is to give you permission to marry her, unless he has a legitimate shar’i reason that he knows and can explain to you so that you will be convinced and your mind will be put at rest. He should weigh up this matter himself: if his father had refused to let him marry a woman whose religious commitment and character he admired, would he not have thought that this was wrong and a suppression of his freedom? If he would not like his father to do this to him, then how can he let himself do the same to his son? The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” It is not permissible for your father to prevent you marrying this woman for no legitimate shar’i reason. If 263

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there is a legitimate shar’i reason then he should explain it to you so that you will understand. With regard to the advice which we give you, we say that if you can forget about this woman and marry another, thus pleasing your father and avoiding a split (between you and your father), then do that. If you cannot do that, because you are emotionally attached to her and you are also afraid that if you propose marriage to another woman that your father may also prevent you from marrying her – because some people may have envy or jealousy in their hearts even towards their children, so they do not let them have what they want – I say that if this is the case and you cannot be patient and forget about this woman to whom you feel emotionally attached, then there is no sin on you if you marry her, even if your father objects. Perhaps after you get married he will become convinced and the feelings in his heart will go away. We ask Allaah to enable you to do that which is in the interests of both. Fataawa Islamiyyah, 4/193-194 And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 26804: Her mother wants to give her a birthday party – what should she do? Question: I managed to find out that my mother, who is not Muslim, is planning to give me a surprise party on my birthday. What is the ruling on that? If it is not permissible, then how can I avoid upsetting my mother (by refusing)? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 264

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Firstly: With regard to this observance which people call “birthdays” (eid milaad in Arabic), Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) issued the following fatwa: “Everything which is taken as an ‘eid’ (something which is celebrated regularly) and is repeated each week or each year and is not prescribed in sharee’ah, is a kind of bid’ah (reprehensible innovation). The evidence for that is the fact that the Lawgiver prescribed ‘aqeeqah for the newborn, and did not prescribe anything after that. When they adopt these observances every week or every year, it means that they are making them like the Islamic Eids, which is haraam and is not permitted. There are no celebrations in Islam apart from the three prescribed Eids: ‘Eid al-Fitr, ‘Eid al-Adha, and the weekly ‘Eid’ which is Friday (Yawm al-Jumu’ah). This does not come under the heading of customs because it is repeated. Hence when the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came to Madeenah and found that the Ansaar had two festivals which they used to celebrate, he said, ‘Allaah has given you something better than these: Eid al-Adha and Eid al-Fitr.’ (Narrated by al-Nasaa’i, 1556; Abu Dawood, 1134; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Silsilat al-Ahaadeeth al-Saheehah, no. 124), even though this was one of their customs.” From Sharh Kitaab al-Tawheed, 1/382; see also Question # 1027. Secondly: With regard to how you should deal with your mother, I think that you should be frank with her, and tell her that 265

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this action is not permitted by Allaah, and that the religion of Islam forbids this, and that as this is the case you cannot come to this party. Tell her. “Were it not for the fact that Allaah does not allow it, I would have been happy to come, and I thank you, but it is not up to me or anyone else, it is up to Allaah Who issues His decree and we – the Muslims – have to submit to His will; it is not permissible for us to dispute that so long as it is the command of Allaah, the All-Knowing, Most Wise.” Tell her all of that in the best possible manner and in the kindest way. If she is convinced and appreciates that, then praise be to Allaah, otherwise try to be outside the house at the time of this party, so that no one will pressure you to join in and so that you yourself will not weaken and given in. There is no sin on you for what your mother is doing, and pleasing Allaah comes before pleasing any of His creation. Be certain that if your mother objects vehemently to this matter today, perhaps Allaah will make her pleased with you in the future, in sha Allaah. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 21831: He wants to get married but his father is refusing Question: My problem is with my father i have 7 brothers and i am number 5 and i asked my father that i want to marry and his answer was no wait 4 years and i am going to finish my trainnig in shallah after 1 year and maybe you know how is my country it is really not good ALLAH AL MODTA3AAN so i want to know is my father going to have thnoooob coz he didn’t let me marry and my all brothers are singles not marry and i cant talk to him any more coz when i talk to him he gets angry and i cant say 266

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anything that time and really i didn’t do any thing bad wallah i want to do everything in the right way but he don’t allow me to do it Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: We noticed in your question that you are kind to your father, and this is something to be commended. We urge you to keep honouring your father, for Allaah has enjoined that upon you, and the texts which enjoin that are so well known that we do not need to quote them here. Secondly: We also noticed from your question how hard you are trying not to fall into doing something that would lead to doom and punishment. This indicates – in sha Allaah – that your religious commitment is strong. Your religious commitment is your capital, so beware of squandering it and losing out in this world and in the Hereafter. Keep this fear of falling into immoral actions which would earn you the wrath of Allaah. Always remember that Allaah is watching you, night and day, and remember that He knows the secret and that which is yet more hidden; He knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the hearts conceal. It is sufficient to imagine if Allaah were to take your soul whilst you – Allaah forbid – were committing a sin: how would you meet Allaah? Thirdly: We advise you to fear Allaah, for that will form a barrier between you and immoral actions. We advise you to lower you gaze and avoid looking at anything that Allaah has 267

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forbidden. You are only allowed the first glance which happens unintentionally. We advise you not to listen to things that Allaah has forbidden that may provoke desire, and to keep away from bad company and immoral friends who do not want anything for you except Hell in the Hereafter and shame in this world. These are some of the things that make a person fall into immoral actions. The more you keep away from them, the more you will keep away from immorality. After that, we advise you to do acts of worship, especially fasting, which is the remedy recommended by the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) in cases such as yours. It was narrated that Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, and whoever cannot, then let him fast, for it will be a shield for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4778; Muslim, 1400) We advise you to read Qur’aan and to make a lot of du’aa’, asking Allaah to keep you away from temptations both obvious and hidden. We advise you to find good friends who can guide you to the path of righteousness and help you to adhere to it. We also advise you to exercise, and to go to sleep early. There are some of the means which, hopefully, will be the means of keeping you away from everything that is not pleasing to your Lord. We offer you the following useful advice: Ibn Muflih said – quoting from Ibn ‘Aqeel in al-Funoon – You listen to the words “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things)” [al-Noor 268

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24:30 – interpretation of the meaning], but you are staring at that which Allaah has forbidden as if you are desperate to acquire it or regretting that you have no way to get it. And you listen to the words, “Some faces that Day shall be Naadirah (shining and radiant)” [al-Qiyaamah 75:22 – interpretation of the meaning] and you think that they were revealed concerning you. And you listen to the words “And some faces that Day will be Baasirah (dark, gloomy, frowning and sad)” [al-Qiyaamah 75:24 – interpretation of the meaning], and you think that they were revealed concerning someone else! How can you be so sure? Where did this wishful thinking come from? This is a kind of deception which stands between you and taqwa. (al-Adaab al-Shar’iyyah, 1/151, 152) Fourthly: With regard to what your father is doing, preventing you from getting married and delaying your marriage, this is a mistake on his part. He should fear Allaah with regard to his sons, and hasten to arrange their marriages. He should realize that the need of some of his sons and daughters for marriage may be greater than their need for food and drink. There follows a fatwa of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) on a case that was similar to your father’s: “As Allaah has enjoined upon your father to spend on your food, drink, clothing and accommodation, he must also arrange your marriage if you need to get married, as the scholars have said. I would like to take this opportunity to point out something important, which is that some fathers, even though they are well-off, refuse to arrange their sons’ marriages when the sons ask them to, telling them, ‘Earn enough money 269

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to spend on yourself and get married, for you are a man,’ and so on. But the scholars have stated that whoever is obliged to spend on a person is also obliged to keep him chaste and arrange his marriage. So let these fathers fear Allaah and do that which Allaah has enjoined upon them, namely keeping their sons chaste. And Allaah is the Source of strength.” From Fataawa Manaar al-Islam, part 3, p. 619 Finally, we ask Allaah to make us and you steadfast and chaste, and to help us, for He is the Best of supporters and helpers. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) 5053: My mother’s rights over me, my rights over her, and the extent of my independence Question: I have a few questions concerning parents 1-What right does my Mother have over me? 2-What right do I have over my mother? 3-What do I have the freedom to do (which is Halal or Mubah, Ofcourse.) without my Mother having the right to stop me? 4-When does the Father have the final say in a matter? I love my mother very, very, very much. She is very over protective, and sometimes I feel like I’m in chains. I know she is doing it out of extreme love for me. How can I tell her that I need a little choice of my own in life. Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

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1 – The mother’s rights over her child The mother has many major rights over her child. These rights are innumerable, but we may mention the following: (a) Love and respect, as much as possible, because she is the most deserving of people of her son’s good companionship. Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “A man came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, who among the people is most deserving of my good companionship?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ The man asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, then who?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then who?’ He said, ‘Your father.’” She is the one who made her womb a vessel for you and nourished you from her breast. You have no option but to love her. The fitrah (natural inclination of man) calls you to love her. Love between mothers and children and children and mothers is something that Allaah has instilled even in animals, so it is even more befitting for the children of human beings, and for Muslims in particular. (b) Taking care of her and looking after her affairs if she needs that; this is a debt that rests on the child’s shoulders. Did she not take care of him when he was a child and stay up with him at night and bear it all with patience? Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents. His mother bears him with hardship. And she brings him forth with hardship…” [al-Ahqaaf 46:15]

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This even take precedence over jihaad if there is a conflict between the two. ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘Aas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) said: “A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and asked him for permission to participate in jihaad. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to him, ‘Are your parents alive?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ He said, ‘Then your jihaad is with them.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2842; Muslim, 2549) (c) Not offending them or saying or doing anything that they dislike. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “say not to them a word of disrespect” [al-Israa’ 17:23] If Allaah has forbidden us even to say “uff” [paraphrased as “a word of disrespect” in the translation of the meaning of the aayah] to our parents, then how about someone who hits them?! (d) Spending on her if she is in need and does not have a husband who can spend on her or if her husband is poor; for the righteous, spending on one’s mother and feeding her is more precious than feeding their own children. Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them both) narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Three men went out walking and rain began to fall on them. They entered a cave in a mountain, then a rock fell (blocking the entrance to the cave). They said to one another, Pray to Allaah by virtue of the best deeds that you have done. One of them said, O 272

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Allaah, my parents were elderly and I used to go out and tend to my flocks, then I would milk them and bring the milk to my parents for them to drink from it, then I would give some to my children. One night I came home late and found them sleeping. I did not want to wake them, and the children were crying at my feet. I kept waiting and the children kept crying until dawn broke. O Allaah, if You knew that I did that for Your sake, then open a way for us through which we can see the sky. So a way was opened for them…” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2102; Muslim, 2743). (e) Obeying her when she tells you to do something good. But if she tells you to do something bad, such as shirk, then there should be no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly” [Luqmaan 31:15] (f) After one’s mother dies, it is Sunnah to fulfil any vows that she had made, and to give charity and perform Hajj and ‘Umrah on her behalf. It was reported from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with them both) that a woman from Juhaynah came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “My mother vowed to go for Hajj, but she died before she did so. Can I perform Hajj on her behalf?” He said, “Yes, perform Hajj on her behalf. Do you not think that if your mother owed a debt that you would pay it off

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for her? Fulfil her debt to Allaah, for Allaah is more deserving that what is owed to Him should be paid.” (narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1754). (g) After she dies, it is also Sunnah to honour her by maintaining ties with those whom she used to keep in touch with, such as her relatives and friends. It was narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of righteous deeds is for a man to keep in touch with his father’s friends after he dies.” (Narrated by Muslim, 2552). 2 – Your rights over your mother (a) That she should take care of you when you are a child, breastfeeding and nurturing you. This is a well known aspect of human nature that has been handed down from the beginning of creation. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling” [al-Baqarah 2:233] (b) She should bring you up in a righteous manner, for she will be responsible for that before Allaah on the Day of Resurrection. You are part of her “flock” and she is your “shepherd”. It was reported that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar said: “I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: ‘Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The imaam is a shepherd 274

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and is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s house and is responsible for her flock. A servant is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock.’ I think that he said, ‘A man is the shepherd of his father’s wealth and is responsible for his flock. Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 853; Muslim, 1829) 3 – Permissible things that it is permissible for you to do without your mother interfering in your affairs She does not have the right to make decisions about what you should like with regard to permissible things over which she has no authority, such as food, drink, clothing, means of transportation, etc. Neither does she have the right to interfere in your choice of a wife – if she is righteous – so long as you are not disobeying Allaah with regard to that. At the same time it is prescribed (by Islam) that you should try to please her even in your choice of a wife, if she advises you in a way that will not harm you. With regard to her interfering with such matters as when you go out of the house or come in, or your going out in the evening with your friends: both parents have to watch their children with regard to this, so as to keep control of things and not let their children be led astray by bad company. In most cases, when young people are corrupted it is because of bad company. Concerning this matter, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man will follow the way of his close friend, so let each of you look to who his close friends are.” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2387; Abu Dawood, 4833. This hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi and as saheeh by alNawawi, as stated in Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi, 7/42). 275

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Parents also have to watch when their child goes out and when he comes in, because they should not give him free rein, especially if he is not righteous. You have to acknowledge their status and respect them and offer them good companionship, even if they give you a hard time with regard to things that Allaah has made permissible for you. Allaah has commanded us to treat our parents well even if they are kuffaar who call you to shirk, so how about if they are calling us to something which they sincerely believe to be good? Even if sometimes it causes you some difficulty with regard to something that is permissible for you, the best thing to do is to obey them and do what they want. Even though you do not have to do this, it is a kind of sacrifice and giving them preference, because they are the most deserving of being given good treatment. In the Qur’aan, Allaah has mentioned obedience to parents immediately after worship of Him, in order to demonstrate the high status afforded obedience to parents. 4 – Your father has the final say concerning everything that comes under his responsibility. For example, he is the one who decides in which school a child who is dependent on him will study. The father also has the final say concerning anything to do with his property, such as your using his car, taking his money, etc. With regard to a son who is grown up and independent, he makes his own decisions concerning things that Allaah has permitted. It is prescribed for him to please his father so long as that does not conflict with his obedience towards Allaah. The son must continue to respect his father no matter how old he gets, because this has to do with honouring one’s parents and treating them kindly. It was narrated that Ibn ‘Umar said: “I never climbed onto the roof of a house in which my father was.” 276

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If a father tells a child to do something good, or to stop doing something that is permissible, he should obey him so long as that will not cause the son any harm. 5 – With regard to how you can tell your mother that you want more freedom, this can be achieved by words and by deeds. (a) Deeds After proving to your mother in practical terms that you are no longer the child whom she used to know and that you have become a man who is able to bear responsibility and you behave like a man in front of her, if she sees that repeatedly, she will trust you. Then things will start to get better and you will have a higher status in your mother’s eyes. (b) Words By clearly proving, quietly discussing and speaking softly, giving examples of your sound attitude. May Allaah open your mother’s heart so that she will deal with you as a wise, mature, sensible, adult man, so long as you are like that. We ask Allaah to guide us, you and your parents to the straight path. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 27017: Does the mother have the right to stop her daughter fasting because of nutrition? Question: Is it the mother’s right to stop her daughter from observing voluntary fasts, naming nutrition as the reason? Is it 277

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permissible for the daughter in this situation to fast despite her mother’s objections? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The parents have the right to prevent their child – be it a son or a daughter – from observing voluntary acts of worship, whether they are Hajj, fasting, jihad or others, especially if the parents think that doing this voluntary action will be harmful to the child, or if the parents have some need that cannot be met otherwise. But in the case of obligatory duties they have no such right. If the child is prevented by his parents from observing a voluntary act of worship, then Allaah will reward him. Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr. (www.islamqa.com) 21737: A wife’s responsibilities towards her parents Question: What are the responsibilities of a married women towards her parents? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The responsibilities of a married woman towards her parents are like those of any other woman. The rights of the parents remain both before and after marriage, but obedience to the husband takes precedence over obedience to the parents if there is a conflict. 278

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If the command of the parents conflicts with the command of the husband, then what takes precedence is the command of the husband. But the Muslim husband and the Muslim wife must strive to avoid conflict with the parents, and strive to achieve harmony between them and their parents. One of the matters to which the married woman should pay attention concerning her parents is that she should strive to visit them from time to time, and give them appropriate gifts even if they have no real material value. She should try to avoid letting her children’s misbehaviour annoy them when visiting them, and avoid telling them about marital disagreements. Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh If her parents need money and she is able to spend on them, then it is obligatory for her to spend on them as much as she is able to. If she does not have money of her own, but she intercedes with her husband, if he has money, to help her parents, then she will be rewarded for that in sha Allah. This is part of honouring her parents. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 20996: Ruling on reciting Qur’aan for another person, living or dead Question: I have a mother who cannot read and I want to honour her. I often read Qur’aan and dedicate the reward for that to her. When I heard that this is not permissible, I stopped 279

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doing it and I started to give money in charity on her behalf. Now she is still alive; will the reward for money or other things given in charity reach her whether she is alive or dead, or will only du’aa’ reach her because that is the only thing mentioned in the hadeeth, “When a person dies all his deeds come to an end except three: a righteous son who will pray [make du’aa’] for him…”? If a person makes a lot of du’aa’ for his parents during salaah and at other times, standing and sitting, does this hadeeth mean that he is righteous and can hope for reward from Allaah? I hope that you can advise me, may Allaah reward you with much good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. With regard to reading Qur’aan, there is some difference of opinion among the scholars as to whether the reward from that will reach the deceased. According to the more correct of the two opinions, it does not reach them, because there is no evidence to that effect, and because the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not do that for the Muslims who died, such as his daughters who died during his lifetime, neither did the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them all) did not do that either, as far as we know. So it is better for the believer not to do that and not to read Qur’aan for either the dead or the living, or to offer salaah or fast voluntarily on their behalf, because there is no evidence for any of these things. The basic principle regarding acts of worship is to refrain from everything except that which is proven to be enjoined by Allaah or by His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). With regard to charity, this may benefit both the living and the dead, according to the consensus of the Muslims. Similarly, du’aa’ may benefit both the living and the dead 280

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according to the consensus of the Muslims. But the hadeeth mentions that which has to do with the dead, because this is the point concerning which people are confused. Does it benefit them or not? Hence this hadeeth was narrated from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “When the son of Adam dies, all his deeds come to an end, except for three: ongoing charity, beneficial knowledge or a righteous son who will pray for him.” Because it is known that death puts a stop to all deeds, the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained that these [three deeds] do not stop. With regard to the living, there is no doubt that he will benefit from charity given by himself or by others, and he will benefit from du’aa’. If a person makes du’aa’ for his parents whilst they are still alive, they will benefit from his du’aa’. They will also benefit from charity given on their behalf whilst they are still alive. The same applies to making Hajj on their behalf if they are unable to go themselves because of old age or incurable sickness. This will also benefit them. Hence it was narrated from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) that a woman said to him, “O Messenger of Allaah, the obligation to perform Hajj has come when my father is an old man and is unable to ride. Can I perform Hajj on his behalf?” He said, “Perform Hajj on his behalf.” Another man came and said, “O Messenger of Allaah, my father is an old man and he cannot perform Hajj or travel. Can I perform Hajj or ‘Umrah on his behalf?” He said, “Perform Hajj and ‘Umrah on behalf of your father.” This indicates that it is permissible to perform Hajj on behalf of the dead or on behalf of one who is living but is unable to do it because he or she is too old. Charity, du’aa’ and Hajj or ‘Umrah on behalf of the dead or one who is incapable will all benefit the person, according to all the scholars. 281

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Similarly, it is obligatory to fast on behalf of the deceased if he had missed any obligatory fasts, whether they were fasts in fulfillment of a vow, or as an expiation, or any missed fasts of Ramadaan, because of the general meaning of the hadeeth, “Whoever dies and was obliged to fast, let his next of kin fast on his behalf.” (Saheeh – agreed upon). And there are other similar ahaadeeth. But whoever delayed the fast of Ramadaan for a valid excuse such as sickness or traveling, then he dies before he could make up the missed fasts, it is not obligatory to make up the fasts or to feed poor people on his behalf, because he had a valid excuse. You are doing well, in sha Allaah, by honouring your mother by giving in charity on her behalf and making du’aa’ for her. Especially if the son is righteous, this makes the du’aa’ more likely to be answered. Hence the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “… or a righteous son who will pray for him,” because the righteous son is more likely to have his du’aa’ answered than a son who is not righteous, even though everyone is required to make du’aa’ for his parents. But if the son is righteous then his du’aa’ for his parents is more likely to be answered. Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi’ah li Samaahat al-Shaykh al-‘Allaamah ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz (may Allaha have mercy on him), vol 4, p. 348 (www.islam-qa.com) 20945: He proposed to a girl, but his father died not approving of her and his mother does not want her Question: I graduated from university and am working in the field of computers. Then I told my father that I want to marry a particular girl who I am sure is of good character, but my 282

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father refused because my older brother had married a girl without his consent then there were problems, so my father is afraid that the same thing may happen again. So he told me to marry my cousin (daughter of my paternal uncle), but I refused. He said, if you do not marry her then I will not give you an apartment, so I agreed, but that did not happen. Then I wanted to marry a neighbour’s daughter who is 17 years old and comes from a respectable and religious family, but my father, after agreeing at first, refused. I asked him why, and he did not give me a reason, and he said that they are not suitable people and the girl’s grandfather was a mean man. I asked my brothers to speak to my father about this girl, but that did not work. My father died one week later. Now five months have passed since my father’s death, and I want to propose marriage to this girl when one year has passed since his death. But my mother is refusing and saying “Your father did not agree to this.” Please advise me, may Allaah reward you, should I propose marriage to this girl or not? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You have to please your mother, and part of your honouring her is responding to her requests. But if your heart is attached to this girl, then you have to convince your mother to accept your marriage to her, especially if she is not giving any good reason for her objections. If she can give you a good reason, then look for someone else, and may Allaah compensate you with someone better. Whoever gives up a thing for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better. Shaykh ‘Abd al-Kareem al-Khudayr (www.islam-qa.com) 283

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12199: Should he obey his parents or follow the Sunnah? Question: the prophets sunna are very important, the example that i allways hear is that the fard are like the wall of the house and the sunnas are like the furniture, so my question is that if your parents object to u wearing sunna clothing, eating the sunna way slepping the sunna ect. then should i give these sunns up to please my parents. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. He should try to convince his parents and explain to them the Sunnah of dressing, eating, sleeping, etc. If both or one of them still persist, then he can obey them with regard to matters of dress, eating and sleeping that do not go against any text or clear evidence (daleel), because the basic principle regarding clothing etc. is that it is permissible (unless there is evidence to the contrary) and it is usually based on custom, because these are matters of nature or tradition which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and others used to do before Islam. So there is nothing wrong with a Muslim wearing the clothes that people in his country wear, or eating the food that they eat, or going along with them in matters which do not go against any clear text, especially if his parents ask him to do that. Shaykh Ibn Jibreen But if they tell him to do something which goes against the sharee’ah with regard to clothing, for example, such as letting one’s garments hang below the ankles, or they tell him to eat with his left hand, for example, then he should not obey them in that, but he should still be kind towards them. And Allaah knows best. 284

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Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 13032: The obligation to be steadfast in adhering to the truth and not to obey anyone if it involves disobedience to the Creator Question: I am a Muslim woman, praise be to Allaah; I do everything to please Allaah, and I wear complete hijaab. But my mother – may Allaah forgive her – does not want me to wear hijaab and she tells me to watch movies at the cinema and on video, etc. She says to me, “If you don’t enjoy yourself and have fun, you will become an old woman and your hair will turn grey.” Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You have to be kind to your mother and treat her well and talk to her in a nice manner, because the rights of the mother are great indeed. But you do not have to obey her in anything that is not right, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “Obedience is only with regard to that which is right and proper.” And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator.” The same applies to one’s father, husband and others; they should not be obeyed in matters of sin because of the hadeeth mentioned above. But a wife, child, etc., has to use kindness and good manners in order to solve problems, by explaining the evidence of sharee’ah and the obligation of obeying Allaah and His Messenger and of avoiding sin, of adhering steadfastly to the truth and not obeying any command 285

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from a husband, father, mother, etc., that goes against the truth. There is nothing to prevent you watching anything on TV or video that does not contain anything evil, or listening to educational broadcasts or useful lessons. But beware of watching anything in which evil things are shown. It is also not permissible to go to the cinema because of the various kinds of evil involved. It is not advisable to have a television at home because so much of what it shows is false or haraam. Your mother’s telling you that if you do not enjoy yourself and have fun, you will become an old woman and your hair will turn grey is just foolish nonsense; it is like the myths and stories that children tell. So do not listen to these words. But there is nothing wrong with having fun if it is permissible, such as going to rivers, looking at the trees and hunting. But if the leisure activity is haraam, you must avoid it, no matter what it is. Kitaab Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi’ah li Samaahat al-Shaykh al-‘Allaamah ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him), vol. 9, p. 314 (www.islam-qa.com) 11790: His mother favours his brother’s wife over his wife Question: My mother never prays, backbites and hates me because I confront here with islamic teachings. I even took her for haj hoping Inshah Allah she will follow the right path. Now she is more attached to my younger brother and after his marriage she supports his wife all the way. My wife being quietly obeys her and does all the household chores. 286

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My mother even used to curse me.Should I be strict with her or will this be against the teachings of Islam. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Whatever wrongs your mother does towards you, you have to bear it and be patient. Indeed, you have to take advantage of her still being alive, to take care of her, because there is a great reward in that. One of the salaf wept when one of his parents died, and said, “I used to have two doors to Paradise; now one of them has closed.” And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “May his nose be rubbed in the dust (may he be humiliated), whose parents, or one of them, reach old age during his lifetime, then he is not forgiven.” It is difficult for parents to control their emotions, and it often happens that parents are more inclined towards some of their children than others. We have to put up with that and bear it with patience. Soon enough we – if we live a long life – will be in the same position. Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh If your mother persists in not praying, then you have to persist in calling her, with gentleness and kindness, and keep on praying for her to be guided by Allaah. The one who neglects to pray altogether is a kaafir, but parents are accorded special treatment even if they are kaafirs, because Allaah says: “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly” [Luqmaan 31:15] 287

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Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 11495: He has a clean heart but he does not respect his parents Question: if a person prayers, and dose various other muslims deeds and has a clean heart yet fails to respect their parents or even care for their parents is this wrong? and will they be punished for it? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Yes, that is counted as a sin for which a person will be punished, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy” [al-Israa’ 17:23-24] Shaykh Sa’d al-Humayd Every kind of annoying one’s parents, whether in word or deed, is an act of disobedience which means that the child is a sinner, because it goes against the command and prohibition of Allaah, Who has commanded us to speak to them kindly and treat them kindly. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “but address them in terms of honour. 288

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And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy” [al-Israa’ 17:24] It is forbidden to dishonour them by saying or doing bad things to them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them” [al-Israa’ 17:23] If the child does that, then he has to repent to Allaah and seek his parents’ forgiveness, so that he may escape the punishment. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 11623: Her parents want her to get married; she is 17 years old and feels that she is still too young Question: i have a problem my parents want me to get married and i am 17 i am not sure if i should am i to young? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If the person who is proposing marriage to you is a righteous man with a good attitude, I think that you should agree to get married. Marriage is a natural need in both men and women, and this is a good age to get married. May Allaah help you and bless you with a righteous husband, and with righteous offspring. Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh. 289

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Girls have gotten married at a younger age than this, and their marriages have been successful. Life is experience, and as time goes by you will become more able to bear responsibilities. Protecting yourself by getting married is better than remaining exposed to the dangers of all kinds of desires and deviations, especially in misguided societies such as the society in which you live. Seek reward by forming a Muslim family and a Muslim home, and seek reward by keeping a Muslim man chaste. May Allaah help us and you to do all that is good. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 5222: Should he build a house or give the money to his father to get married? Question: Should I give my father what he needs of my wealth – if he asks for it – when I want to build a house and my father wants to get married? I am renting a house and I could continue renting, but I really want a house of my own. Should I give priority to building my own house or do I have to give the money to my father so he can get married? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows: 290

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He has to give his father what he needs to get married, especially if his father is in great need of getting married. Question: if the father wanted to build a house and asked his son for the money, should he give priority to his own house or his father’s house? Answer: he should give priority to his own house over his father’s house. And Allaah knows best. Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com) 5176: She wants to study in America and her father is telling her not to wear hijaab Question: I am a 21 year old muslim girl I have been wearing the hijab for the past one and a half years against the wishes of my parents. The next year insha allah I’ll be moving to United States for pursuing my Higher studies. My father strongly advised me not to wear the hijab there cause people do not like to be distinguished there . I am facing a dilemma now. I strongly prefer to wear the hijab cause I was told it is sin not to wear hijab. Could you please advise on this? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You have done well, may Allaah bless you, when you followed the laws of Allaah and put on hijaab. You should note that there is no obedience to any created being if it 291

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involves disobedience to Allaah. You have to continue to wear hijaab and follow all the other laws of sharee’ah. But we are afraid that if you go to America to study, you will face waves of fitnah from all directions, all kinds of doubts and forbidden desires. If you can study in a university or college which pays attention to the rules of sharee’ah such as wearing hijaab and avoiding mixing, then that is what you should do. May Allaah help us and you to do all that is good. Shaykh Muhammad Aal ‘Abd al-Lateef (www.islamqa.com) 7645: She is taking care of her disabled brother and her parents want her to get married Question: I have a brother who is severely disabled and requires full time support and attention. I am at an age at which my parents are concerned to get me married being a daughter and I understand their responsibility. However, I am very close to my brother and cannot bear to be separate from him. Also my main concern is that both my parents are not in the best of health and I know it will be very difficult to cope without me. At the present time I cannot mentally accept getting married to anyone. What can I do? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You have done a good thing by taking care of your brother; this is an act of kindness towards him and towards your parents. But marriage is a Sunnah, one of the ways of the Prophets, which Allaah has prescribed for His slaves and He has created them with an inclination towards it. I think 292

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that you have the choice of a number of solutions, as follows: If you can afford to hire someone to take care of your brother, this would be good. Or you could look for some good people who would sponsor all or part of his care. Or you could get married and have your brother come and live with you, so that you can carry on looking after him. If you find someone who agrees to get married on condition that you stay with your parents in order to take care of your brother, and your husband comes to visit you in your house or you go out to visit him sometimes, this may be a good idea. If none of these solutions are easy for you, and you feel that delaying marriage will not cause fitnah (temptation) for you, there is no sin on you in that case. But if you fear that you will be subjected to fitnah, then it is better for you to get married, because this will protect your religious commitment, and serving your brother is not an obligation upon you, rather it is voluntary good work. Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Abd-Allaah al-Duwaysh (www.islam-qa.com) 9594: Does my father have the right to take whatever he wants of my wealth? Question: I have always heard that music, singing and dancing are haram in My father keeps quoting a hadith that says all that a son posesses belongs to his father. Is this correct? If so, does this mean that a father can take part of or all of the son’s posession against his son’s will? I am aware 293

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that it is the duty of the son / daughter to look after the parents, be kind to them and ensure that they are fed, clothed and have somewhere to live. Can a father really take his son’s posessions (both alive, both not in dire need) again his son’s wishes? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 1. The hadeeth is: It was narrated from Jaabir ibn ‘Abd-Allaah that a man said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I have wealth and children, but my father wants to take all my wealth.” He said, “You and your wealth are for your father.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 2291; Ibn Hibbaan in his Saheeh, 2/142 from the hadeeth of Jaabir, and 2922; Ahmad, 6902 from the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr). And Ahmad narrated from ‘Amr ibn Shu’ayb from his father from his grandfather, who said: A Bedouin came to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “My father wants to take all my wealth.” He said, “You and your wealth are for your father. The best that you can eat is what you have earned, and your children’s wealth is part of what you have earned, so eat it and enjoy it.” This report has other isnaads and corroborating reports which make it saheeh. (See Fath al-Baari, 5/211; Nasb al-Raayah,3/337) 2. The laam in the hadeeth (li in li abeeka – for your father) does not mean possession, rather it means permission. Ibn al-Qayyim said: 294

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The laam in the hadeeth does not mean possession at all… If we say that it means permission, then the hadeeth makes sense, otherwise it does not have any significance. (I’laam al-Muwaqqi’een, 1/116) 3. One of the things which indicate that it does not mean possession is the fact that the son’s children, wife and mother can inherit from him. If his wealth were the property of his father, no one would be able to take his property except the father. Al-Shaafa’i said: Because it was not proven. When Allaah decreed that a father could inherit from his son, He made him (the father) like other heirs. He may even have a smaller share than many other heirs, which proves that the son is the owner of his own wealth, not the father. (al-Risaalah, p. 468) 4.This permission is not absolute. It is subject to four conditions. Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah preserve him) said: This hadeeth is not da’eef (weak) because it has corroborating reports. What this means is that if he (the son) has wealth, the father has the right to enjoy that wealth and to take whatever he wants from it, but this is subject to certain conditions: The first condition: that by taking it he does not cause harm to his son. If it does cause harm – such as taking his cover with which he protects himself from the cold, or he takes his food with which he wards off hunger –it is not permissible for the father to do this. The second condition: it should not be something that 295

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the son needs. If the son has a concubine whom he sleeps with, it is not permissible for the father to take her, because his son needs her. Similarly, if the son has a car which he needs for getting about, and he does not have enough cash to buy a replacement, then the father does not have the right to take it under any circumstances. The third condition: he should not take the wealth from one of his sons in order to give it to another, because this creates enmity between the sons and because it means preferring one of the children over another, if the second son is not in need. If he is in need, then the father’s giving something to the one who is in need and not to the ones who are not in need, does not mean that he is preferring one child over another; on the contrary, it is obligatory for him to do this. Whatever the case, the hadeeth is something which the scholars refer to and use as evidence. But there are conditions attached, as we have mentioned. The father does not have the right to take one son’s wealth and give it to another son. And Allaah knows best. (Fataawa Islamiyyah,4/108, 109) There is also a fourth condition, which is that the father should be in need of the wealth that he is taking from his son. This condition is clearly stated in some ahaadeeth. It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Your children are a gift from Allaah to you: ‘He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills’ [al-Shoora 42:49 – interpretation of the meaning]. So they and their wealth are for you, if you have need of it.” 296

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(narrated by al-Haakim, 2/284; al-Bayhaqi, 7/480) The hadeeth was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in alSilsilah al-Saheehah, 2564, where he says: This hadeeth contains an important fiqhi point which is that it explains that the famous hadeeth, “You and your wealth are for your father” (al-Irwaa’ 838) does not give the father absolute permission to take whatever he wants from his son’s wealth. Far from it! But he may take whatever he is in need of. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 6517: His mother died in kufr – can he pray for her? Question: Can a muslim pray for his non-mulsim mother who has passed away? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Allaah says in His Book (interpretation of the meaning): “It is not (proper) for the Prophet and those who believe to ask Allaah’s forgiveness for the Mushrikoon, even though they be of kin, after it has become clear to them that they are the dwellers of the Fire (because they died in a state of disbelief)” [al-Tawbah 9:113] 297

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Al-Qurtubi said in al-Ahkaam (8/173): “This aayah means that one should cut off ties of close friendship with the kuffaar, whether they are alive or dead. Allaah did not allow the believers to pray for forgiveness for the mushrikeen. Seeking forgiveness for a mushrik is something that is not permitted.” Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (916) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “I asked my Lord for permission to pray for forgiveness for my mother, and He did not permit me. I asked Him for permission to visit her grave, and He granted me permission.” This hadeeth makes it clear that Allaah did not permit His Prophet, who is the noblest of His creation, to seek forgiveness for his mother after she had died. This is what Allaah forbids in the aayah quoted above, and the hadeeth states this clearly. Al-Shawkaani said in Fath al-Qadeer (2/410): This aayah implies that there are no ties of close friendship with the kuffaar, and that it is haraam to pray for forgiveness for them, or to make du’aa’ for kaafirs in ways that are not permitted. If someone were to say that Ibraaheem prayed for his kaafir father, as he said, “Peace be on you! I will ask forgiveness of my Lord for you. Verily, He is unto me Ever Most Gracious” [Maryam 19:47 – interpretation of the meaning], the response to that is what Allaah said in the aayah (interpretation of the meaning): “And Ibraaheem’s (Abraham) invoking (of Allaah) for his father’s forgiveness was only because of a promise he [Ibraaheem] had made to him (his father). But when it became clear to him that he (his father) is an enemy of 298

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Allaah, he dissociated himself from him. Verily, Ibraaheem was Awwah (one who invokes Allaah with humility, glorifies Him and remembers Him much) and was forbearing” [al-Tawbah 9:114] Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: When he died, it became clear to him that he was an enemy of Allaah. (Tafseer Ibn Katheer). And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 4270: His father asks him to buy cigarettes for him Question: I know that smoking cigarets are haram. But what about going to the store and buying them for someone else. And if that is haram too, does that ruling apply buying them for one’s father? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. It is not permissible for you to buy anything for your father which it is haraam to use, whether it is tobacco, opium, hashish, alcohol or whatever, even if he tells you to do that. It was reported that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience of the Creator” and, “Obedience is only with regard to things which are right and good (ma’roof).” You have to advise 299

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him and apologize to him politely for not buying them for him. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2053: It is a duty on man to be kind to his parents Question: Allah tells us in the Qur’an not to cut off our blood relations. What is the interpretation of the Ayah that commands us not to severe ties of kinship ? Who does it refer to ? Just parents and siblings ? What if one maintains contact with one’s parents only through telephone or letters although he is capable of visiting them. Yet, he feels that maintaining a certain distance is healthier to the relationship ? Answer: Praise be to Allaah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. It is a duty on man to be kind to his parents, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “…be good and dutiful to your parents…” [al-An’aam 6:151]; to show gratitude to them in all kinds of ways, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “…give thanks to Me and to your parents…” [Luqmaan 31:14]; and to show them all kinds of good treatment, because of the command of the Prophet SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) to treat them kindly. The ways in which one can show them kindness and respect are many, e.g., visiting 300

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them, speaking kindly to them, lowering to them the wing of humility, giving them gifts, and so on. When you go to visit them with the hope of earning reward from Allaah, this is a great form of worship. A son should not neglect this type of worship, and he should appreciate the joy that his parents feel when they see their son and spend time with him. He should not let his work keep him away from seeing his parents, because it is very important and precious for them to see their son. If a person is aware of some negative things when he visits them, he can reduce these negative aspects, or cut the visit short and make up for it in other ways, such as sending letters, making telephone calls or others ways of keeping in touch and maintaining ties, like giving gifts, and so on. We ask Allaah to help us to honour our parents. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 6293: Who has priority, one’s mother or one’s wife? Question: To whom should a married man should give much preference, either his mother or wife? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The Muslim should always give preference to his mother, because it says in a hadeeth that a man said to the Prophet 301

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(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Who among the people is most deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” … (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5514; Muslim, 4621). But the wife takes precedence over the mother in one case, and that is the matter of spending. If the husband cannot afford to spend on both his wife and his mother because he is poor, then in this case he should put his wife before his mother. The Muslim has to give what is due to each person who has a right over him, and he has to help the one who is oppressed. If his mother mistreats his wife, he has to put a stop to it, in a kind and fair manner. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 5326: What is the importance of honouring one’s parents in Islam? Question: The importance of parents respact in the light of Qura’n & Sunna. Jazakallah ho khairu kum. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. The importance of honouring one’s parents is: 302

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Firstly: it is obedience to Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:8] “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young’” [al-Israa’ 17:23] In al-Saheehayn it is reported that Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was asked which deed is the best? He said, ‘Faith in Allaah and His Messenger, then honouring one’s parents…’” And there are many other Aayat and Mutawaatir Ahaadeeth which say similar things. Secondly: obeying and honouring one’s parents is a means of entering Paradise, as it was reported in Saheeh Muslim from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “He is doomed, he is doomed, he is doomed.” It was said, “Who, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “The person whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age during his lifetime but he does not enter Paradise.” (Saheeh Muslim, 4627). Thirdly: Respecting and honouring them brings friendship and love. Fourthly: respecting and obeying them is a way of showing gratitude to them because they are the ones who brought you into this world. You should also show gratitude towards them for bringing you up and taking care of you 303

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when you were young. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents” [Luqmaan 31:14] Fifthly: if a person honours his parents this may be the cause of his own children honouring him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Is there any reward for good other than good?’ [alRahmaan 55:60] And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 5512: Does a mother have the right to reject a woman her son wants to marry? Question: What rights do I have as a son, and what rights does my mother have over me. Example, can my mom refuse a woman I want to marry? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. Know that the rights of the mother over her child include his being kind to her and treating her well. Allaah says (interpretation of the meanings): “And that you be dutiful to your parents” [al-Israa’ 17:23] “And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents” [al-‘Ankaboot 29:8] 304

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“give thanks to Me and to your parents” [Luqmaan 31:14] Abu ‘Amr al-Shaybaani said: “I asked the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) which deed was most beloved to Allaah. He said: ‘Prayer performed at the right time.’” He asked, “Then what?” He said, “Honouring one’s parents.” He said, “Then what?” He said, “Jihaad for the sake of Allaah.” (al-Bukhaari, 5970) Ibn Hajar said in Al-Fath (10/401): “The Aayah implies that one should honour and obey one’s parents even if they are Kaafirs. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) explained with regard to another hadeeth that it is good to honour one’s parents even after they have died. It was reported that ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Umar met a Bedouin man on the way to Makkah. ‘AbdAllaah greeted him with salaam, mounted him on the donkey he was riding, and gave him a turban that he had been wearing on his head. Ibn Deenaar said, we said to him, May Allaah bring you back to your senses! They are only Bedouin and they would be content with little. ‘AbdAllaah said: this man’s father used to be a friend of ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab, and I heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say that the best of good deeds is for a son to uphold ties with his father’s friends. (Saheeh Muslim, 4629). Al-Ubayy said in his commentary on Muslim (8/496): this means that the best good deed is to give preference to one’s father’s relatives over others. As for the son’s rights over his mother, these include a good upbringing, kind treatment and compassion, which involves fully breastfeeding the child, educating him and spending on him if the father is not present.

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With regard to your mother’s rejection of the girl you wanted to marry, you have to find out the reasons why your mother did not like her, because a person’s judgement is a reflection of the impressions he or she has. Perhaps your mother looks at the matter from a different angle than you do. Perhaps she rejected this girl for a reason that is quite legitimate from an Islamic point of view, such as the girl not being committed to Islam. Maybe after researching the matter and consulting with others, she found out that this girl was not the right one for you; in this case you should obey her. But if your mother rejected her on the basis of her own whims, and not for any reason that has to do with Sharee’ah, or she rejected her because she (the girl) is strongly committed to Islam, then in this case you do not have to obey your mother, but you should try to win her over gently. You could get some good people whom she respects to intervene in the matter if you wish. And Allaah is the source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 5645: Turning up the volume of music for one’s parents with a remote control Question: What is the ruling on handing the remote to your mother/ father to put music on t.v? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. 306

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Turning up the volume of music for one’s parents with a remote control That is not permissible because it involves cooperating in sin, and Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “… but do not help one another in sin and transgression.” [al-Maa’idah 5:2] If you withhold the remote control and they get angry, they have no right to do so, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad, 1041; it is a saheeh hadeeth). The remote control you mention is merely a tool, the person who is doing the action is you, and the responsibility rests with you. You have to call your parents to give up evil things, inviting them with wisdom and beautiful preaching, addressing them kindly and lowering to them the wing of humility. If Allaah told Moosa and Haaroon to address the kaafir tyrant Pharaoh with kindness, as He said (interpretation of the meaning), “And speak to him mildly, perhaps he may accept admonition or fear (Allâh).” [Ta-Ha 20:44] – then your parents are more deserving of being addressed mildly and gently. May Allaah guide us all to the path of those who fear Him. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 4566: Her father is asking her for money to build a house for his second wife Question: Could you please tell me if a father is allowed to talk 307

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guilt into his children, because they are not supporting him financially. When I was still living home I used to work and give my father money. But now that I am married I have other responsibilities and also my husband is against the idea of supporting my father. We always argue about this. My father has his own (good) salary ,but he wants to do a lot of things that require a lot of money, like building a house etc. (for his second wife). (He got married for the second time to have a son, and this has hurt us and my mother very much). It felt like he was not satisfied with us (4 daughters). He is always talking like we are no good to him, saying that other people’s children are doing better than we do. This is making me very sad. I want to have a good realtionship with him, but I always feel very uncomfortable when he starts talking like that. Am I obliged to support my father, despite the fact that he is building this house for his second wife and children? Are we responsible for all his borrowing from other people to realize this? Am I allowed to go against my husband and support my father anyway? Jazaak allah! Answer: Praise be to Allaah. You should give your father whatever will please him, provided that this does not affect your own interests and needs. As for your husband, he has nothing to do with your wealth that Allâh has given to you. The fact that your father wants to build a house for his second wife, who is your mother’s co-wife, does not mean that you are not obliged to honour him, for the child and whatever he owns belong to the father. Yes, if there 308

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is a conflict between obedience to your mother and obedience to your father, then you must take a balanced approach, whilst giving precedence to your mother, because she takes priority when it comes to good companionship, and her rights are greater than those of the father. And Allâh is the source of strength. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 2621: How to deal with a misbehaving mother Question: first i wish to state that this q&a is very beneficial to the ummah mash’Allah and we hope you and your helpers will receive the best reward in this world and the next. my question is on behalf of a muslim young man. he is mash’Allah a sincere seeming and knowledgeable muslim who follows islam to the best of his ability and upon the correct aqeedah. he lives alone with his divorced mother whose does not follow islam thoroughly and engages in very unislamic activities sometimes. i know both him and his mother and they are very close and very kind but i see that the son i sometimes put in situations that are extremely stressful for him and i cannot advise him properly. a few examples of these situations include the mother going out of the house in shorts and the son hating this shame but walking with her for fear that she will be accosted, or the mother being overly freindly with male acquaintances in the western manner, or going to dinner and sitting at a table where alcohol is being consumed though the mother does not consume it. there are various 309

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other types of scenarios that try this brother such as his mothers’ friends advocating every kind of bidah. he does say what is wrong and try to give dawah to his mother but it is usually ignored as “extremism” or “from the stone age”. please advise, my freind is confided in me only that he feels like a dirty “dayouth” and wants to know if staying with his mother is the correct thing given such behavior on her part. he errs on the side of staying with his mother even when she is adamant about wearing unislamic clothing for fear of her being molested be some stranger. also he did not tell me of these things and reveal his families faults, rather it is evident for those arouind to see as well as for me to see as his friend. please help and mat Allah ta’Aalaa reward you with the good. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is no doubt that the story you have told us is very sad and moving, especially when we see someone suffering because the person who is closest to him is lacking in terms of religion. But ‘Allaah (Alone) is Sufficient for us, and He is the Best Disposer of affairs for us.’ [Aal- ‘Imraan 3:173 – interpretation of the meaning] ‘Truly, to Allaah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.’ [al-Baqarah 2:156 – interpretation of the meaning]. This brother should remember that honouring one’s parents is one of the most important duties that human beings have towards one another, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents, - unto Me is the final 310

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destination. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly…” [Luqmaan 31:14-15]. These mushrik parents were doing their utmost to make their son associate partners with Allaah, yet in spite of that Allaah commanded the son to maintain a relationship with them and behave kindly with them in this world. So you are also obliged to treat your mother well, advise her to give up her bad behaviour, explain to her how sinful her deeds are and what punishment awaits her if she does not stop. If she responds, then praise be to Allaah. If she does not, then keep away from her in a good way; do not mix with her in ways that will adversely affect your religion, but do not upset her either. Behave with her in the world kindly, and continue to advise her from time to time. Your keeping away from her will not be a sin, if you do it for the sake of Allaah and in opposition to something wrong. (See the response of Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen in Fataawaa Islamiyyah, 4/196; al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah fi Fataawaa Islamiyyah (Standing Committee on Islamic Fatwas), 4/204; Shaykh ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Jibreen in Fataawaa al-Mar’ah al-Muslimah, 2/957) In conclusion therefore, if your staying with her will benefit her by increasing her religious commitment and eemaan, her adherence to Islamic duties and her avoidance of haraam deeds – or at least reduce her involvement in such activities – because she feels that she is being watched, for example, or because this will keep bad people away from her, and this will not cause you any harm at the same time, then stay with her in the hope of earning reward for whatever efforts you make, and Allaah will reward you for your patience. If you have already tried your utmost, to no avail, and have found that you are not making progress in any of the ways referred to above, and staying with her will have an adverse effect on your 311

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own religious commitment or reputation, then there is no sin on you if you keep away from her, as stated above, so long as you continue to check on her from time to time, to pay attention to her needs and to advise her. We ask Allaah to bless you with patience and reward you for your efforts, for He is the best of supporters and helpers. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 3496: How to make up for disobedience towards parents after they have died Question:

If a person was disobedient towards his parents, and they died angry with him, how can he put things right so that they will not ask him to put it right in the Hereafter? Answer: Praise be to Allaah. There is no way to stop them asking him to put things right in the Hereafter, but now that he has felt regret for what he did, he should make lots of du;aa; for them and ask Allaah to forgive them, give charity on their behalf if he can, honour the friends etc, whom they loved, uphold their ties of kinship, pay off their debts and do whatever else he can. From Fatawa al-Imaam al-Nawawi, p. 96. (www.islam-qa.com) 312

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4541: Does a son have to obey his father with regard to where he gives his charity? Question: I like to give charity to organisations such as Muslim aid, but my parents are against this, as they would prefer the money to be given to relatives ( although my dad is already giving them money).Also as my parents would prefer me to keep the money within the family can i give charity without telling them, as one of the hadiths says that “i and all my wealth belong to my father”? Another related question is that can my father pay zakat and the qurbani on my behalf as he is the head of the family? Jazakhallah Khairan Answer: Praise be to Allaah. We put the following question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen: “I like to give my charity to charitable organizations but my father opposes this. He prefers to give it to relatives, and wants to make me do likewise. Does the hadeeth ‘You and your wealth belong to your father’ also mean that a father can control his son’s charitable giving?” He answered, may Allaah preserve him: “The hadeeth does not mean this, except if the father wants to take possession of the wealth himself, in which case there is nothing wrong (with him giving it as he sees fit), provided that this is not a trick to stop his son giving 313

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charity. But we nevertheless advise the son to give the charity to relatives, because this is preferable.” The father does not have the right to oblige his son to give his charity to certain people and to prevent him from giving to others, but it is preferable for the son to respond to his father’s wishes, so long as he is advising him to do something good, which is upholding the ties of kinship by financial means. If the amount of money is large and there are people who need it more than the relatives, then he could give some of it to his relatives and some to others who are in need, or to Islamic charitable projects. With regard to the hadeeth, “You and your wealth belong to your father,” this was reported by Ibn Maajah (may Allaah have mercy on him) in his Sunan from Jaabir ibn ‘AbdAllaah, who narrated that a man said: “O Messenger of Allaah, I have wealth and children, but my father wants to take all of my wealth for his own needs.” He said, “You and your wealth belong to your father.” (Sunan Ibn Maajah, no. 2282. It says in al-Zawaa’id: its isnaad is saheeh and its men are thiqaat according to the conditions of al-Bukhaari). See also the comments on the hadeeth etc. in Question #4282. And Allaah knows best. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com) 3044: Problem between a daughter and her mother Question: Assalmualaykum

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For the past 23 years, i endured a lot of physical and mental abuse from my beloved mother. In all this time, i have tried very hard to swallow my pain and tolerate it , purely because she is my mother, regardless. But, sadly, now, at the age of 23 I am finding it very difficult to Tolerate it anymore. Her constant physical and verbal abuse has made me so ill, that i have been hospitalised for stress and been recommended to seek professional help. But i don’t want to see a psychologist who would feed me with information and advice that is hostile to the Islamic point of view. I ma a very pious women,and know how highly regarded mothers are in Islam, and they have to be respected regardless. But what about me? Why have i done to deserve all this? Just recently, i have learnt, from my father, that she is mentally disturbed, and is a product of her hostile upbringing. But that still doesn’t help me? As i write to you now, she sits outside in the lounge, and refuses to talk to me and works very hard to make my four sisters and brothers not talk to me either. Sadly, they comply, so not to make her upset. What really upsets me is that she curses me a lot and makes very bad du’oas for me, like wish that i die soon from a horrible disease or go to hell. My real concern is, how much of that would God listen to? What is God’s opinion of me? What’s His opinion of her? And what do i do now? Please help and and let me know what my rights and obligations are as a Muslim daughter. Can mothers do that just because they are mothers and paradise lay under their feet? What about the children? Jazak allah khayra Answer: Praise be to Allaah.

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Allaah has commanded us to treat our parents well, and He has linked this to the command to worship Him and the prohibition of associating anything in worship with Him. The rights of the mother in this regard have been emphasized more than those of the father. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “Worship none but Allaah (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents…” [al-Baqarah 2:83]. Ibn ‘Abbaas said: “This means treating them with respect and kindness, and lowering the wing of humility to them, not answering them harshly or glaring at them, not raising one’s voice to them, but being as humble towards them as a slave towards his master.” Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, not shout at them, but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.’” [al-Isra’ 17:23-24]. Al-Baghawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “This means not saying anything that may contain the slightest hint of irritation. [The word ‘uff’ in the aayah, translated here as ‘a word of disrepect’] comes from the word ‘aff’, which is similar to the word ‘taff’; both words refer to the dirt that collects under fingernails, and [in Arabic] when one is annoyed and fed up with something, one says ‘uff!’ to it.” Abu Baddaah al-Tajeebi said: “I said to Sa’eed ibn alMusayyab: ‘I understood everything in the Qur’aan about respecting one’s parents, apart from the aayah (interpretation of the meaning) “But address them in terms of honour” [al-Isra’ 17:23]. What are these terms of honour [al-qawl al-kareem]?’ Ibn al-Musayyab said: ‘It 316

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is the way in which a slave who has done wrong approaches a harsh and strict master.’” The obligation of treating one’s parents with kindness and respect is not confined only to Muslim parents; they should be honoured in this way even if they are kaafirs. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years – give thanks to Me and to your parents, - unto Me is the final destination. But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.” [Luqmaan 31:14-15]. If Allaah has told us to treat even these parents with respect and kindness, in spite of the heinous sin which they are telling their child to commit, which is the crime of associating something in worship with Allaah, then what do you think is the case with Muslim parents, especially if they are righteous? By Allaah, their rights are among the most important and most certain rights, and fulfilling these rights in a proper manner is one of the most difficult and most important duties. The one who is guided to do this is truly guided, and the one who is not helped to do this is truly deprived. Innumerable ahaadeeth also confirm this. According to a hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him): “A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, who among the people is most deserving of my good companionship?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then whom?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ He asked, ‘Then whom?’ He said, ‘Your mother.’ 317

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He asked, ‘Then whom?’ He said, ‘Then your father.’” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4/13, and Muslim, 2548). Makhool said: “Respecting one’s parents is an expiation for major sins.” You have to be patient with your mother and put up with the harsh treatment on her part, which is upsetting you. By treating her with respect and dealing with her kindly, you will earn her good pleasure and love. Try to avoid things that will provoke her and make her angry, even if they are in your interests, without causing harm to yourself. Your mother, for her part, has to treat you well and stop harming you with her blows and insults. With regard to what you mention about her praying against you, if these du’aa’s are said for no good reason, they will not be accepted. It is not permissible for her to pray against you for no good reason, because of the general applicability of the Prophet’s words: “[The prayers] of any of you will be answered, so long as he does not pray for sin or the breaking of family ties.” This hadeeth indicates that if a du’aa’ includes sin, it will definitely not be answered. There is no doubt that praying against one’s child for no good reason is a sin. We ask Allaah to help you to treat her with respect and earn her pleasure, and to help us all to do that which He loves and will please Him. May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih AlMunajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 2731: He married someone other than the woman his parents wanted Question: I had Nikaah with my cousin in our engagement ceremony. 318

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The actual wedding ceremony was to occur at a later date. I came to the US and got married to another Muslima without telling my parents. We have been married for 4 months now. I have informed my parents about it and they are annoyed. They wanted me to divorce this Muslima and get married to my cousin. But now they are saying that I’ve to get married to my cousin irrespective of whether I divorce this Muslima or not. But I know I will not be able to treat them equally. I never touched my cousin, but I’ve been living with my 2nd wife for 4 months now. What should I do ? Jazak Allah. Answer: Praise be to Allaah. If the wife who is with you now is religious and of good character, then you are not obliged to divorce her. If you are able to treat both wives equally, then respond to your parents’ request to marry the cousin you mention. This is included in the words of the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning): “… then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three or four…” [al-Nisa’ 4:3]. If you fear that you will not be able to treat them equally and fairly, then be content with one wife, whether it is the first or the second, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “…if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (with them), then [marry] only one…” [al-Nisa’ 4:3]. Try in all cases to please your parents. And Allaah is the Source of strength. Islam Q&A 319

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Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com) 1176: Obeying parents in shaving one’s beard Question: I am a young Muslim and I want to let my beard grow, but my father is strongly opposed to this. Should I let my beard grow or obey my parents? Answer: Shaving the beard is haraam, and it is not permissible to do it for a parent or leader or boss, because obedience is only a duty in matters that are good and righteous. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being (person) if it involves disobedience to the Creator.” Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah, 5/146 (www.islam-qa.com) 322: A Muslim treatment of mother who is an unbeliever Question: My wife’s mother has in effect cut herself off from her daughter in recent times. Whilst there was some form of communication it was often quite turbulent and heated. My wife has tried a number of times to re-establish contact yet her mother refuses, quite stubbornly, to reply. We are both reverts and have often felt that our acceptance of the religion has played some part in her mother’s negative attitude. I would be grateful if you could advise us on 320

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what me might possibly do to rectify this situation. Jazak Allahu Khairan Answer: Praise be to Allah, The reactions of non-muslim mothers towards their children’s embracement of Islam varies. Some mothers are peaceful and passive considering this as a personal matter which does not affect the relationship between the mother and her son or daughter. In such cases more piety by the child towards his or her mother will make the mother admire and respect Islam. Other mothers adopts a more stubborn approach at the beginning but the mother finally gives in and accepts the new religion as a fact of life after she sees the child’s determination and persistence which could lead the mother herself to embrace Islam. In the third case we find that some mothers are constantly stubborn to the extent that she might hurt and oppress her son or daughter. Usually such mothers are blindly prejudice because they consider that her son or daughter had gone astray by leaving the faith of his fathers and ancestors and she must do something to help go back to the right path (according to the mother). The following are three stories that took place at the time of the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, that involved three of the Sahaba (Companions of the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him) which illustrates the reactions of their mothers after they embraced Islam: Story #1 On the authority of Asmaa’ Bint Abi Bakr she said “My mother came to visit me one day. At that time she was 321

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still a polytheist and there was a pledge between the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, and Quraish (one of the great tribes in Arabia that lived in Mecca in the pre Islamic Period of Ignorance who used to enjoy great spiritual and financial powers). I requested the Prophet’s , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, religious verdict and said: Oh Prophet of Allah, my mother came to visit me, seeking my help; should I keep a good relationship with her? Yes, keep a good relation with her said the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him:. Reported by Bukhari and Muslim, and this narration is listed in Sahih Muslim under # 1003. In another version narrated by Ahmad, on the authority of Asmaa’ Bint Abi Bakr she said “ My mother came to visit me when she was still a polytheist and she was living amongst Quraish. She was desirous, meaning in need, so I asked the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, and said: Oh Prophet of Allah my mother came to me and she is a polytheist and she needs help. Should I keep a good relationship with her? He said yes maintain a good relationship with her. Story #2 On the authority of Abu-Huraira, who said: I used to call my mother to Islam when she was still a polytheist. One day, while I was calling her she mentioned something about the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, that I detested. So I went to see the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, while crying and told him: I used to call my mother to Islam and she would refuse. I called her today and she mentioned something about you that I detested. Please invoke the blessings and guidance of Allah on her. Then the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, said: O Great Allah guide the mother of AbuHuraira. So I left full of hope because of the Prophet’s supplication for my mother. When I reached home I found 322

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that the door was partially closed. My mother heard my footsteps and said: Stay still Abu-Huraira, then I heard the water running; he added my mother performed body ablution, put on her cloths and hurriedly opened the door without her head-cover and said: “None has the right to be worshipped but Allah and Muhammad, Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, is the Messenger of Allah”. I went back to the Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, crying of joy and told him: I am bringing you good news; Allah answered your prayers and guided the mother of Abu-Huraira. The Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, praised and glorified Allah and said: this is good. I said: Oh Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah to make me and my mother beloved by Allah’s believing slaves and make us love them. The Prophet , Peace and Blessings be Upon Him, said: Oh Allah, make this little slave of Yours and his mother (meaning Abu-Huraira and his mother) become beloved by your believing slaves and make the believers love them. Ever since, there was not a believer who heard of me, even without seeing me, that did not love me. Reported by Muslim in Sahih Muslim (Muslim Authentic volumes) under # 2491. Story # 3 On the authority of Saa’d (Ibn Abi Waqas May Allah be pleased with him) who said that verses of the Qur’an revealed his story. He said Um Saa’d (his mother) swore not to talk to him ever nor eat or drink until he renounces Islam. She said: You claim that Allah commanded you to obey your parents. I am your mother and I order you to do this ( to renounce Islam). He said: She stayed with nothing to eat or drink for three days until she fainted because of strain. Then one of her other sons named Umarah gave her water to drink. And she started to imprecate against Saa’d, then Allah revealed this verse in the Qur’an, which translates to the meaning of {And We have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents; but if they strive 323

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to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return and I shall tell you what you used to do} Verse 29:8 - Surah 29, Al Ankabut. This Hadith is narrated by Imam Ahmad in his Musnad and in Sahih Muslim in his Sahih under # 1748. Also, Allah revealed another verse in the Qur’an, which translates to: “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that if which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do” ( 31:15 - Surah Luqman). Based on the above stories one can determine how to deal with a non believing mother and can draw the following significant conclusions: The importance of good presentation of Islam to the non believing mother and to try to kindly persuade her and to strive to convince her as Abu Huraira did (story # 1) Continue to do good to the non believing mother and to remember that her disbelief does not justify disobedience by the son or daughter and that doing her good does not contradict with your innocence of her as a non believer, on the contrary as it is stated in Verse 31:15 above, Allah has commanded us to treat the non believing parents kindly even if they strive to make their child a polytheist because of their rights as parents hoping that they will embrace Islam. Continue to sincerely pray and supplicate for the non

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believing mother hoping that Allah may guide her, as evident in Abu Huraira’s story (story #2). The divine guidance of Allah may come after continuous strive by the child and strong objection of the mother as in Abu Huraira’s story, therefore the son should never surrender or give up but should continue to pray and supplicate for the non believing mother. Regardless of how hard does the non believing mother strive to make the son renounces Islam, and the pressure she will exercise against her son such as refusing to eat or invoking upon him , the son should never surrender or give in nor should he retrocede away from the righteous path as one of the Sahaba said to his non believing mother in a similar situation: :If you had one hundred (100) souls and it all left your body one after the other I will never give up my religion (Islam)”. It seems that the mother in question deliberately oppresses her daughter through estrangement which makes her emotional torn but that should never weaken the muslim or shake his faith and belief in his religion. There is no objection to make the non believing mother understand that you are not going to retrocede , however she (the mother) can kindly ask for anything and she will be immediately answered to it except for giving up this religion. We ask Allah to quickly guide her to the righteous path and give you patience to call her to Islam and lead you to the righteous and correct way. Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

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245: Rejecting the sunnah and praying behind someone who does Question: Assalamalaykum wa rahmatulla wa barakatuh, My family is not very religious but I try to be, but am constantly mocked and ridiculed for trying to follow the sunnah of Prophet Muhammad and enjoining the right and forbidding the wrong. My family think I am extreme in my views because I hold hadith in high regard, whereas my father does not. He believes that a hadith explaining the commandments in the Qur’an, for example praying, should be followed, but those concerning matters outside of the Quern, for example prohibition of touching a female who is not your mehram, should not be followed. He has many other beliefs, but my question is this: Is it permissible for me to pray behind him with him as the Imam? If not, is it permissible for me to pretend that I am praying so that he does not feel offended that I do not want to pray behind him? Because I have read in Quern that children should not hurt their parents, and one of the biggest sins in Islam is a child making his parents cry, and I feel that in telling him that I am not able to pray behind him, I would infact hurt him. I eagerly await your response. Jazzakallahkhairum for your help. Wa alaykum-as-salam wa rahmatulla wa barakatuh. Answer: Al-hamdu lillaah. The situation in which you are, dear brother, is certainly a difficult one. It is not easy to live with a father that has 326

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aberrations and perversities stemming from being misguided from the true path of ahl us-sunnah waljamaa’ah (the followers of the Qur’aan, sunnah, and our pious predecessors). However, a Muslim is to anticipate and seek reward from Allaah for: being patient with and persevering in dealing with your father; and, being polite when counseling and showing him the truth of guidance, using appropriate and agreeable methods that do not give your father the impression that you are trying to show superiority or arrogance, or that you are belittling him. Instead, your father should feel that the advice is from a son that acknowledges and respects his position as his father, and that your concern is out of care and veneration., as the case was with Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) when calling his father to the path of truth. Allaah the Most Glorious said in the Qur’aan (interpretation of the meaning): When he (Ibrahim) said to his father: “O my father! Why do you worship that which hears not, sees not and cannot avail you in anything? O my father! Verily, there has come to me of knowledge that which has not come to you. So follow me; I will guide you to a straight path. O my father! Worship not Satan. Verily, Satan has been a rebel against the Most Beneficent (Allah). O my father! Verily, I fear lest a torment from the Most Beneficent (Allaah) overtake you, so that you become a companion of Satan ( in HellFire).” He (the father) said: “ Do you reject my gods, O Ibrahim? If you do not stop (this), I will indeed stone you. So get away from me safely before I punish you.” Ibrahim said :” Peace be upon you. I will ask forgiveness of my Lord for you. Verily, He is unto me, ever most gracious. (surat Maryam, 19:41-47) Note that Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) addressed his father in the most subordinate and most refined, courteous, and polite expression (abati in Arabic). Prophet 327

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Ibrahim (peace be upon him) did not say to him, “I am a scholar and you are ignorant”; instead, he said “There has come to me of knowledge (as a Prophet) that which has not come unto you.” Ibrahim (peace be upon him) showed his concern and compassion towards his father’s well-being when he said, “O my father! Verily, I fear lest a torment from the Most Beneficent (Allaah) overtake you….” When his father rejected the truth and threatened to stone him, Ibrahim (peace be upon him) replied in utmost politeness, “Peace be upon you,” and promised him that he will pray to his Lord on his behalf for forgiveness. This is how a righteous son should advise his misguided father. You also should know that rejecting or denying the sunnah of our Prophet (peace be upon him) is an extremely grave matter; hopefully this subject will be covered in detail as a separate issue. In brief, if your father’s bida’ah (innovation in religion) takes him out of the fold of Islam, then your prayers behind him is not valid since he would be a kafir (infidel, unbeliever). Such would be the case if, for example, he insists and persists in completely rejecting the sunnah in its entirety, even after the proof and evidence demonstrating and substantiating the truth and validity of the matter is presented to him. On the other hand, if your father’s bida’ah does not take him out of the fold of Islam, such as the case of refusing to perform certain acts mentioned in the Qur’aan and Sunnah, then it is permissible to pray behind him and your prayers are sound, and Allaah knows best. Addendum: Sheikh Muhammad ibn Salih ibn Uthaimeen has replied the following with regards to this question: Denying (the sunnah) could be of two types: a denial with regards to interpretation or a denial of rejection. If it is a denial of rejection, in the sense that one might say, “Yes, I realize that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said this, 328

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but I reject it and don’t accept it,” then the person is a kaafir (unbeliever) and has committed apostasy. Thus, it would be impermissible to pray behind him. If, on the other hand, it is a denial of interpretation, then he is granted a respite, if the interpretation is possible and warranted by the language, and he knows the sources of Islamic law and its resources. In this case, it is not an act of kufr, but rather under the category of those who innovate incorrect practices in the religion (if his interpretation is such). It would be permissible to pray behind such a person, unless there is a beneficial objective behind not doing so, such as deterring him from such opinions, so that he may reconsider his mistaken interpretations. In this latter case, then it would be preferable not to pray behind him (if such a beneficial effect would be realized). Islam Q&A Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islamqa.com)

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