Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder
“ARE you sure you’re feeling all right?” Seth Morrison couldn’t help but smile as he watched Jason nervously touch the right side of his glasses, using the earpiece to press the heavy black frames closer against his face as if that would bring a more understandable world into his view. It wasn’t that the motion itself was all that funny; Seth must watch Jason do that over a hundred times a day. But the fact that Jason forgot he was holding the flimsy plastic cup of white wine in his right hand and almost poured it over his face before he realized what would happen – and somehow managed to switch hands at the last minute – now that was pretty high up there on the amusing list. Seth didn’t laugh at him though; just let his hips keep moving in time with the brisk rhythms of the music, silently counting out the beats in his head as he answered. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why?” Jason Cantrell and Jackson Samuels, his co-workers down in Tech Support, looked at each other and then looked back at him. Their dark, shaggy hair and wide, unblinking eyes behind the dark frames of their glasses lent them a striking resemblance to each other that was only accented by their matching wrinkled khakis and navy polo shirts.
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Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder The two of them managed to perpetuate practically every stereotypical myth regarding absentminded computer geeks. Seth’s smile widened as he wondered if they called to coordinate their outfits each morning or if they had just worked together for so long they had melded their separated consciousness into one of those hive mind things they talked about so much. “Well, you’re… uh… smiling,” Jason said first, his voice implying that such an action was totally unheard of. “And… uh… you’re dancing,” Jackson said next, completing their shared thought. He jerkily motioned toward Seth’s gyrating pelvis, the white napkin under his plastic glass escaping from his grasp and fluttering toward the carpeted floor. “I’ll get that.” Seth bent down and caught the fleeing paper product in his left hand, handing it back to Jackson with his smile intact and without missing a beat of the loud music. He had never found “Jingle Bells” all that danceable before, but the band had announced this was the “Jingle Bell Rock,” so that must be something different all together. “It’s a party, guys.” He smiled again, his lips moving as he unconsciously counted out the beat – one and two and three, one and two and three – and let his gaze travel over the crowded hotel ballroom. The air was heavy, thick with the mixture of aromas from the guests’ perfumes and the candles rich with holiday scents. At least no one was smoking. That would have made things unbearably stuffy. Seth had never realized just how many people worked in this division office; it was kind of cool to see everyone 3
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder gathered together. He also didn’t see the one man he was looking for among all his other co-workers, but all good things came to those who wait. His grandmother used to tell him that. In Seth’s mind, he had been waiting more than long enough, but he had to say it was really sweet the way Oscar was trying to protect his reputation from the relentless gossip mill at the office, even if that meant Oscar had decided they shouldn’t be seen together tonight. Of course, just because Oscar decided something, well, that didn’t mean Seth planned to go along with it. The least Oscar could do was give him a holiday dance. Seth had been practicing with his next-door neighbor, a rather salty sixtysix-year-old widow, and he was ready put his newly learned skills to the test. “But Seth,” Jackson tried again. “It’s the work holiday party.” “Yeah, I know.” Seth stopped dancing just long enough to cast an exasperated eye over his co-workers. “So loosen up already. Come on.” “You don’t like work holiday parties, Seth.” Jason huddled closer to Jackson, seeking comfort in the familiar in light of Seth’s unexpected and irrational joie de vivre. “And you did a line dance with those girls from the word processing pool. And you don’t dance!” The music changed, the band switching over to “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” Seth quickly found the rhythm to that song as well, his hips adding an extra little 4
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder swing as he stood there. From Jason’s tone of voice, Seth might as well have hacked someone to death with an axe. “It’s called the Hustle, guys.” Seth smiled at the memory of the sweaty and exuberant dance the ladies from word processing had taught him. “You ought to try it. Especially you, Jackson.” “Me?” Jackson’s eyes widened behind his thick glasses, and he used his left hand to push them closer against his face. It was the mirror image of Jason’s earlier motion. Sometimes Seth wondered if it were really possible for the two men not to be related; their looks and mannerisms were so similar. Of course, just a few short months ago, Seth himself had been a matching third in their little pea pod. Now with contact lenses, a decent haircut, and the recent application of an iron to his new and carefully chosen wardrobe – designed to show off his naturally slim build – Seth not only felt like a whole new man, he looked like one too. “Uh huh. Rachel from the eleventh floor was asking if you liked to dance.” Seth watched the blush creep over Jackson’s face until it matched the deep holiday hue of the napkins on the buffet table. He wondered if Jackson was going to hyperventilate. “Did Mr. Sarac find you?” The joke in their department was that Jason was genetically incapable of keeping his mind off work for more than ten minutes. True to form, he ignored his friend’s physical dilemma in the interest of his favorite subject. “He came down to the server 5
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder room right after you left today. Looked kinda weird when I told him you weren’t there.” “No,” Seth murmured distractedly. His soft brown eyes continued to scan the crowd. “He probably had another question on the security setup before we bring the new servers online. He’s been really intense.” No sign of Oscar yet. Seth wondered where he was. “He could have asked me or Jackson then,” Jason persisted. “Something’s going on. He never used to just show up, and now he does it all the time.” “What?” Seth turned away from the crowd. “Look, I don’t know what he wanted. I mean, he’s the CEO’s assistant. How would I know?” “Maybe there’s been a security breach, and he’s investigating us?” Jackson had caught his breath, his fear of Rachel on the eleventh floor forgotten in his love of a good conspiracy. “I was watching 24 last night and….” “Jackson!” Jason turned to his friend. “You got the discs for last season already? I thought we agreed you were going to save them until I could come over and we could watch Chloe together.” “I’m going to get another drink.” Seth announced hurriedly. He knew where this argument was going. He had learned long ago never to interfere between Jackson, Jason, and their rabid lust for the character of Chloe and the actress who portrayed her on their favorite television show. “You guys want anything?” When the two men shook their heads and went back to arguing over Jackson’s 6
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder unprecedented lapse in Chloe protocol, Seth wandered out into the crowd, heading in the direction of the bar he knew was set up on the far wall. The hotel had really done a nice job on the decorations, and Seth admired the results as he walked slowly through the large ballroom. He had to make an effort to avoid all the tables and the crowd gathered around the small dance floor set up in front of the band. The color scheme was a holiday mix of gold and crimson with some decorative splashes of emerald green to really set things off, as well as some fake snow sprinkled about to make up for the lack of the real thing. He liked that. Having grown up in a more northern climate, Seth always missed real snow. It was a shame that some of the tasteful décor the hotel staff had worked so hard on was hidden by the huddled groups of wallflowers. They were employees who would have preferred certain death rather than being forced to attend the company’s annual holiday event; they couldn’t make themselves do more than stand plastered against the walls of the ballroom for support no matter how much they had to drink. While he had never been one of the wall supports, Seth had to admit the guys were right. Normally he didn’t care for holiday parties – especially work holiday parties. In his opinion they were painful at best; a constant struggle to find the correct balance between appreciative camaraderie and over-familiarity. At worst they were something to endure before leaving as quickly as possible. But this year things were different; Seth was different. 7
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder It wasn’t so much the party itself Seth was enjoying. With the added bit of Christmas spirit that filled him from his newly trimmed head of hair right down to his newly shod toes, he was having a much better time than usual, and it appeared to be rubbing off on those around him. Hard to imagine, but he had even managed to wring a smile out of Ms. Hill, the tough old bird who had run the company office supply department for the last twenty-two years, doling out the stock as if it were purchased from her own pocketbook. And that was despite the hard feelings between the two of them for the last nine years, stemming from his ignorance of company procedure during his first week of employment when Seth had mistakenly requested an extra box of pens. It looked like she was finally going to forgive him in the interests of peace on earth and goodwill toward men. No, it was what was going to happen after the party that had sent Seth’s mood into the stratosphere, giving him the extra lift that allowed him to break out of his usual uncomfortably shy shell. He made conversation outside of his circle of co-workers in Tech Support and even attempted something as radical as a line dance. Which he had to admit had actually been a hell of a lot of fun. Seth had no idea why he had never tried it before. Even though Seth had told Jason and Jackson he was going for another drink, he bypassed the bar and pushed open the exit door to the right of the long counter. The metal security door groaned as it swung shut behind him, 8
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder dampening the sound of the music and leaving Seth alone in the concrete stairwell. Though muted, he could still hear the music; the familiar and cheerful holiday standard currently playing had been updated with a jazzy beat, and Seth couldn’t resist whistling along as he fumbled around in the gift bags he found staged on carts inside the stairway, just like Rachel had told him. The plan was for the hotel staff to wheel them into the ballroom for easy distribution to the partygoers as they exited for the evening. It was a final gesture of goodwill and thanks from the company to its employees. According to Rachel, it was also a way for the higherups to discover just who had snuck away from the party early. The company CEO, Mr. Harwood, and his capable assistant, Mr. Sarac, were nothing if not efficient. It was one of the many reasons Seth enjoyed his job. All that efficiency trickled down. For Seth, the gift bags were the perfect way to show his thanks to a certain someone for the last couple of months. The crimson and emerald colored bags glowed in the dim lighting of the concrete stairwell, their bright paper liners and ribbons adding to Seth’s festive mood. He clutched the small gold box he had carried in his pocket all night in his right hand while he carefully looked at the nametags. Seth wanted to be sure he put his special surprise in the correct bag. The gift was important, and the person he was giving it to was becoming even more so. He could have gone ahead 9
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder and just handed the small gift to Oscar, but he wanted to add a touch of romance to their budding relationship. Besides, Seth knew Oscar would know who had given it to him. How could he not? Once the party was over, they were going to meet for coffee, and then maybe, just maybe, if Seth’s current run of good luck held, they would head back to Seth’s place and celebrate in style. Wild, unaccustomed, totally festive, Rrated style, if Seth had anything to say about it. He couldn’t wait. Seth had made sure everything in his small apartment was clean and tidy this morning. He had straightened the small, lopsided tree he had put up and decorated on a whim and put away his assortment of video games and books. He had even changed the sheets on his bed in an unprecedented spurt of optimism. “Hey, how’d you manage to lose your shadow?” Seth’s head turned as he tried to figure out where the voice had come from. Oh, down there. The raucous laughter that rose from the stairwell below had a cruel edge to it that caught Seth’s attention and disturbed his happy musing. He knew it wasn’t nice to eavesdrop, but Seth stopped his cheerful humming to listen anyway. It was hard not to, with the way the sound echoed around the concrete walls of the stairway and rose to the level above. The cloud of smoke did the same. Ugh. Seth waved his hand under his nose, hoping the sweet, acrid scent of the illegal substance being smoked on 10
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder the level below him would dissipate before it made him cough. “I know, can you believe it?” Seth thought the voice was familiar although the echo from all the concrete distorted the sound and made it really weird. “God, I thought I’d never be able to get rid of him before the party tonight. I finally told him we needed to be discreet, that I didn’t want to get him in any trouble.” “He really bought that? He’s a bigger loser than I thought. Did I tell you how funny it is watching the two of you together? He does everything but wag his tail when you come by.” There was more laughter and the sound of a lighter flicking. “I have to admit this was definitely one of my better ideas. Can you believe he’s doing all this extra work for me for nothing more than a few lunches and some conversation?” The voice was clearer now, easier for Seth to understand. “Come on.” Seth identified the sound as a hand hitting someone’s back in rough and intoxicated camaraderie. “You mean you haven’t put out yet?” “Gross.” The mock-gagging noise drifted upward to Seth’s ears. “No way. He’s too shy to try anything. I think he’s still a virgin. Did you see him dancing out there tonight? It was like a bad movie – geek boys can’t dance or something like that.” The two men were snickering, their humor deliberately hurtful at someone else’s expense. Seth couldn’t help but 11
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder feel bad for the person they were talking about as the voice continued to mock his unknown acquaintance. “All I’ve done is drop a few hints and give him a few meaningful glances. It’s not like I actually had to do anything. You remember Lori, the accountant from last year? He’s even easier to play than she was. Still, I need to get my hands on the finished program before he really expects anything from me.” “They’ll be announcing the promotion any day now. What’s going to happen if you don’t get it from him before then?” There was another flick of the lighter and a noisy inhale from jerk number one. “I’ve already passed off enough of the preliminary work as my own that the promotion’s a done deal, I’m sure of it. But with the completed program to my credit, I won’t have to do a damn thing for at least the first couple of years. By that time I should be even higher up the corporate food chain.” The self-confidence and gloating in the voice made Seth fume. "Hey, don’t be a pig, save me some of that.” There was more laughter and another pause as the two men obviously passed whatever they were smoking back and forth. Seth wondered if he was wrong in thinking he knew the voices. He couldn’t believe he knew anyone who was that much of a prick. “I’m meeting him for coffee tonight. I think he wants us to go back to his place. Do you still have that minirecorder? The one small enough to put in my pocket? This could be pretty funny.” 12
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder “Oh man, you are so rude.” The braying laughter sounded louder. A lot louder to Seth’s ears. “Too bad you didn’t think of it before this stupid party. That would have really livened things up.” Seth felt the strange burning in his chest first. He rubbed his hand across his shirtfront, moving his hand in a circle and trying to soothe the internal ache. He didn’t think he had eaten anything at the party that would have given him heartburn. Before he had even finished that thought, his throat began to tighten up on him, and it was suddenly hard to breathe as he realized he did recognize one of the voices. It was Oscar. His Oscar. And oh God. Seth leaned against the wall, letting his forehead hit the cool concrete. The gold box with the flash drive containing the completed program, his surprise for Oscar, dangled from his fingers. He was the one they were talking about. There was noise from the stairwell below him. Even through the roaring embarrassment and shame that filled him, some flicker of self-preservation told Seth they were coming up the stairs and he didn’t want to be seen by them. He couldn’t let Oscar see him until he’d had time to pull himself together. Seth looked at the door that led back to the party he had been enjoying just moments before. It seemed like a lifetime ago. He didn’t think he could face going back in there. Not now. Instead, he pushed himself away from the wall and swayed slightly before he quickly climbed the stairs heading up and away from the hurtful words. 13
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder The sound of his shoes echoed sharply on the concrete of the steps, as sharp as the pain that still filled him. Seth’s pace increased as he tried to put distance between himself and his thoughts until he was practically running full out up the stairway. He reached the top and stopped, his hands against the wall, his head hanging down as he panted and fought to draw air into his lungs. Seth could still hear them in the stairwell below; they were too stoned to move with any real purpose. They were just laughing and joking as they poked at the gift bags and read the names off the tags, making fun of the ones they recognized. “Hey, do you think Amy would still bring my coffee in the morning if I put something gross in her bag? God, she’s so pathetic.” Seth shook his head in dismay. Amy was Oscar’s secretary. Young and right out of business school, she was a cute and bubbly recent addition to the staff, and she thought the sun rose and fell on her boss. If only she knew what he thought of her. The two men continued to joke around, and suddenly Seth couldn’t stand to hear them any longer. He wrenched open the metal door at the top of the stairs and stepped out onto the roof into freshness of the night air. When the metal door shut behind Seth this time, he was far enough away from the ballroom that he couldn’t hear the music. He was grateful for that; his joy in the rhythms had drained away along with his hopeful expectations for the evening, leaving his movements stiff and uncoordinated. 14
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder It was cold and windy this high up. The chill was welcome on his overheated cheeks, but he didn’t feel the cold through his thin shirtsleeves. He couldn’t manage to feel anything. Seth moved jerkily toward the edge closest to him, stumbling over the graveled surface of the rooftop that was shrouded in darkness. There wasn’t a moon in the cloud-filled sky, just an ambient glow from the unshielded lights of the street and parking area far below. It was enough to allow him to avoid the assortment of communication towers that blocked his way as he walked to the waist-high ledge. Seth let his hands grab hold of the rough edge, and he tightened his grip as he leaned over to stare downward. He blinked quickly, making the decorative lights around the fountain at the entrance to the hotel blur. It had to be the wind that was causing his eyes to water. Everything appeared so distant, so separate from the rest of the world. Seth could see cars traveling in slow motion below him. Beams from the headlights stretched out on the dark road like fingers, perpetually beckoning into the blackness and then drawing the toy-sized vehicles forward. With no lights to shine upward or lend it any character, the wooded park to the right of the hotel was a noticeably darker void in the nighttime panorama. Other than the wind, it was quiet, almost like being at the top of a mountain, but Seth thought he could still hear Oscar and his harsh mockery. He couldn’t believe it. They had been laughing at him. The entire time Seth thought they had been friends and 15
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder perhaps something more, Oscar had been making fun of him. Seth swallowed, hugging his arms around his chest for comfort as he raised his face to the wind and closed his eyes. What an asshole Oscar was. He wasn’t a virgin. Seth wished the wind dancing over the roof could blow away his memory of the last few minutes. He regretted the curiosity that made him stay and listen, because there was no way he could return to the simple enjoyment of life and the party that had made him so happy. For a fleeting moment Seth wondered if he had the guts to ask Oscar about what he had heard. Maybe he was wrong and they weren’t talking about him. Right. Seth rejected that idea immediately. Just how many little geek boys did he think Oscar had writing specialty programs for him? Unused to the emotions he was feeling, Seth did what he always did in an uncomfortable situation: he pushed the emotions away and tried to look at things from a more logical perspective. Even if those ugly words had been said about someone else, was Oscar really the kind of man Seth wanted to have feelings for? Someone who was that ignorant and thought so little of others? No, it was truly better that Seth found out now, before he did something he would regret or made any kind of real emotional commitment. This all made sense in Seth’s head. But in his heart? This time the logic wasn’t very satisfying. The silly thing was that Seth would probably have written the program if Oscar had only asked. It had been an interesting challenge. 16
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder A plastic bag swirled around Seth’s ankles, caught and twisted about by the wind, but forever trapped in the join of roof and ledge. It was something once useful, now used and discarded without a second thought. Seth shivered as the night breeze suddenly chilled him. It was exactly how Seth felt. Still, despite Seth’s shame at his gullibility and his relief at finding out what Oscar was really like before he let the man take any further advantage of him, there was a wistful part of Seth that wished he could have just had tonight to remember and enjoy. He had been having such a good time at the party. He fingered the small box still clutched tightly in his hand. The metallic flakes in the ribbon sparkled in the minimal light. What should he do now? Should he give Oscar the program he had lied so convincingly for? Seth shook his head. That wasn’t true. Oscar was guilty of lies of omission. Seth was the one who misunderstood. He had misunderstood everything. “Seth?” The sound of his name startled him and made him jump. The gift slipped from his grasp as he reacted. “Oh, shit!” Seth watched the small gold box fall, but instead of smashing into the ground, dashed into pieces like his hopes, it fell into the fountain. Seth covered his mouth and stared downward, stunned. “Are you unwell?” There was an urgency in the slightly accented voice that Seth hadn’t ever heard before. He reluctantly turned away from the edge and into the 17
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder crystalline blue eyes of Mr. Arnost Sarac, assistant to the company’s CEO. “Mr. Sarac,” Seth acknowledged briefly, still shocked at his own clumsiness. “How many times must I ask, Seth? Please, call me Arnost.” The normally confident executive smiled uncertainly. At least it appeared uncertain to Seth. “Arnost,” Seth murmured obediently. He couldn’t keep himself from peering over the edge once again. It wasn’t that he couldn’t copy the program down again; it was the rather interesting symbolism that he couldn’t get over. “Did you lose something?” Arnost joined Seth at the ledge, his broad shoulder in its tailored suit jacket resting against Seth’s. “What are you doing up here?” “Oh, I needed some fresh air. All that dancing,” Seth shrugged, distracted by Arnost’s unexpected warmth and proximity, and then he cringed inwardly at his excuse, remembering Oscar’s comments about how he looked. “You looked like you were having much fun.” Arnost nodded and leaned further over the edge, looking for what had caught Seth’s attention. One large hand rested on the edge next to Seth’s. “I wish I could relax and enjoy like that. I have always felt too awkward.” It was Seth’s turn to nod. He didn’t know what to say. He would never have associated awkwardness with the sophisticated company executive. “I was surprised to see you. I thought I was alone.” “You come up here a lot?” Seth grimaced. The question was lame, but Arnost didn’t seem to notice. Seth 18
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder watched as the wind blowing across the open roof ruffled the carefully arranged strands of blond hair. It looked really soft. Of course, he knew his own hair was in total disarray, between his hands running through it and the wind. So much for his new haircut. Not that he was worried about looking nice for Arnost or anything. It was funny though; with Arnost standing beside him, Seth didn’t feel as cold as he had. “I was coming here to think. It is quiet, removed from the rest of the world.” Arnost smiled at Seth, his handsome face looking younger as it relaxed from its usual firm lines. Seth just nodded again. He was still shaken by the events of the evening. But while surprising, Arnost’s sudden appearance and his gentle voice with the faint accent Seth had never been able to pinpoint as anything other than eastern European was strangely reassuring. Unlike Jackson and Jason, he had never felt uncomfortable around the CEO’s right-hand man. Arnost Sarac had made a point of introducing himself as Mr. Harwood’s assistant to Seth a year ago when he first transferred to this division, and he had been nothing but friendly to Seth ever since. In fact, Arnost often stopped by the department office to say hello and briefly chat about the weather or anything else that came to mind. Seth found him pleasant and intelligent company; his admiration had even developed into a small crush before Seth had realized that someone so 19
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder handsome and in such a position of authority couldn’t have any interest in him. “I heard you were looking for me, earlier?” Seth asked, pushing his disheveled hair out of his face. Once again he would have sworn the executive looked at him uncertainly. Seth sighed quietly. Arnost really was a handsome man. “Yes, actually. I….” Seth watched in amazement as Arnost Sarac, competent assistant to the corporation’s CEO, actually fumbled for words. “I wanted to speak to you.” “Sure.” Seth replied. His curiosity was enough to let him forget about Oscar and his hurt pride for a few, wonderful moments. “Is it about the servers? I know you’ve not been happy with the security updates.” “No. It is personal. Not business.” Seth’s eyes had adjusted enough that even in the diffused lighting on the rooftop he could see two high points of color visible on Arnost’s pale cheekbones. He nodded, wondering what could have the man so flustered. There was a pause, long enough for Seth to shift uncomfortably and rattle the gravel on the roof under his feet. Arnost swallowed. “There is a security Someone is attempting to take credit for your work.”
issue.
Somehow Seth didn’t think that was what the other man meant to say, but the words still made him blink. “Pardon me?”
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Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder “I recognize your code.” Arnost shrugged as if it were no big deal, even though Seth knew that not even Jason or Jackson could have done that, and they had worked together for almost forever. “It is very distinct. Very progressive. But several examples have been turned in under another name, and once I knew it was your work I wanted to ask you about it.” Oscar. Seth closed his eyes as embarrassment washed over him once again and he recalled Oscar’s comments in the stairway. He should have known. This was something more than just a request to come up with an easier method for Oscar’s department to collect and manipulate large quantities of data. Seth felt uneasy as he realized just how this could appear to upper management. “I had been doing some programming work as a favor for a friend in another department.” Seth said. It was his turn to fumble for words. He didn’t really want to get Oscar in any trouble, but he didn’t want management to think he was okay with the subterfuge either. “I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.” Arnost shook his head, his confident demeanor once more evident in his insistent response. “I wish I could accept that, Seth. But this is more than a misunderstanding. Your work was turned in as part of preliminary portfolio to be reviewed for a promotion. You must understand this could be viewed as fraud. I had to let Mr. Harwood know.” Seth stared out over the roof into the night sky. He could see the lights of a plane lazily moving through the sky above them. He had worked hard for this job, and his 21
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder reputation was spotless. At least, it had been. Suddenly it appeared that his association with Oscar could cost him more than just his self-respect. “How good of a friend is this person?” There was a tightness to Arnost’s voice that made Seth hesitate. “Not nearly as good as I might have thought before this evening.” Seth could almost taste the regret in his voice. He might have been a fool in many ways, but Oscar’s lie had suddenly taken a more deliberate and distrustful turn. “Is he the one responsible for the changes in you over the last few months?” Arnost asked. “What?” Seth said in surprise. “Look at you.” Arnost gestured toward Seth even as he stared out into the street below with his shoulders slumped. He refused to meet Seth’s eyes. “You look like all the others now. Nothing like my Seth.” “You mean more professional?” Seth wondered if he was hearing things in the wind. His Seth? “Different. Not like before.” Arnost reached out and lightly brushed at the wind-blown strands of dark hair, letting them slip through his grasp before pushing them back away from Seth’s face. His fingers were warm where they gently touched Seth’s cheek. “Who was this fool that did not appreciate you as you were?” His accent thickened as his eyes finally met and held Seth’s.
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Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder Seth blinked. This was definitely turning into a strange night. He had always found Arnost attractive, with his large, obviously muscular body and almost Nordic good looks, but suddenly there was a raw edge to him that Seth had never sensed in their polite interactions. “I wait.” Once started, Arnost couldn’t seem to stop himself, and words spilled out. “I am patient. Give you time to get to know me like I get to know you. I wait for you to notice me. Then pffft!” He gestured into the air, the movement somehow exotic and foreign. “You become different. I don’t know you.” “You wait,” Seth repeated slowly, mesmerized by the intensity in Arnost’s eyes. Arnost nodded. “Your head always…” He gestured once again. His easy command of English was slipping away in his haste to explain. “…lost in something else. Some place else. I wait for you to see me like I see you.” “Well, why didn’t you ever say anything to me?” Seth asked in disbelief. Was this a joke? “I come to speak to you often.” Arnost looked away from Seth with solemn dignity. “You still prefer to notice someone else.” “But….” Seth knew he wasn’t making any sense, but the thought that the very same man he had convinced himself he didn’t have a chance with had been waiting to be noticed by him was mind-boggling. “Today. I decide to gift myself with present for the holiday.” Arnost turned a smoldering gaze onto Seth. “You.” 23
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder “Me.” Seth hoped Arnost didn’t notice his undignified squeak. “Your present?” “You still don’t see me, but it is holiday. I deserve gift. I go to your office to tell you, to explain. Instead you had already left.” This time the speaking gesture of Arnost’s hand seemed to indicate such a deep disappointment in Seth’s behavior that Seth couldn’t help but feel regret. “For long year I am polite. I wait for you to say.” Seth suddenly found himself wrapped up in a pair of strong and demanding arms as Arnost took advantage of his distraction. “I wait no longer.” Seth’s senses went on overload at the first touch of Arnost’s wind-chapped lips, their gentle pressure on his almost dreamlike. Then reality hit: the clacking of their teeth, the meshing of their tongues, the taste of the wine Arnost had drunk earlier, and the faint scent that was his alone brought everything into sharp focus. Oscar who? Arnost’s big hands felt wonderful as they held him, even the slight scratch as he pushed his way under the back of Seth’s shirt was arousing. The unexpectedly forceful passion was raw and elemental, and here in the dark, with the wind surrounding him and the night sky above Seth felt dizzy, as if Arnost’s strength was the only thing keeping him grounded. Muscular arms urged Seth even closer. The deep voice kept murmuring incomprehensible, guttural words into Seth’s mouth, and Seth could feel every part of his body save 24
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder one melt in return as he held on to Arnost and refused to let go. If this was a joke, Seth was making the most of it. That one wayward part of Seth’s anatomy only grew harder in response to the obvious desire Arnost was expressing as his lips began to travel down Seth’s neck. He was nipping at the soft skin with sharp white teeth while his hands tightened on Seth’s arms to keep him near – not that Seth had any intention of moving away. Nothing mattered except the hard muscular body pressed up against him. Through the haze of building desire Seth came to a foggy understanding that Arnost Sarac’s tailored business suits and polite manner were simply camouflage for the man within. And what a man he was. Damn, but Seth regretted not having noticed Arnost’s interest in him before he had become caught up in Oscar and his plans. On the heels of this regret came a wash of anger. A surprising, sharp, white-hot feeling that unexpectedly swept over Seth and left him shaking from its intensity. First with Oscar and now with Arnost, he was tired of feeling defensive and embarrassed. “Don’t I have any say in this?” Seth demanded. He wasn’t sure where the words or the force of emotion that pushed them out of his tight chest were coming from. They simply burst forth. “Now you decide, and I’m just supposed to go along with it?” Seth pushed himself away from Arnost, surprised when he didn’t try to prevent Seth from leaving his arms. Seth wiped at his mouth, amazed he could still taste him. He 25
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder began to pace back and forth in front of the ledge. “I was fine. My life was fine. Now everything is upside down and turned around and I’m feeling… things.” His hands – his calm, capable hands that were usually at rest and at peace with his world or in control on a mouse or keyboard – were waving in the air, gesturing as Seth gave voice to the chaos raging inside him. “And what gives you the right all of a sudden to tell me what to do? If I want to change the way I look or behave, I can. Maybe I like my new look!” Oh my God, I’m yelling at the CEO’s assistant – I am so fired. The cool, logical part of Seth couldn’t help but be horrified at what he was doing, especially when he knew Arnost didn’t deserve this. He wasn’t the one Seth’s seesawing emotions were directed toward. But there was another part of Seth that had been set free in the last few months that was angry, hurt, and emotional. It refused to stay buried, and now held the upper hand and refused to give way to logic. “I don’t feel things!” Seth pointed his finger at Arnost’s broad chest and yelled, amazed at how good it felt. “I’m calm and in control, and I don’t feel hurt or ashamed or angry. I don’t let people use me, and I don’t let them make fun of me, and I don’t yell, and… and… I don’t….” Seth broke off and stared at Arnost, his hands clenched into fists as he waited for the other man’s reaction. Seth was out of control and he knew it. He just didn’t know what to do about it. I just yelled at the best kisser I’ve ever 26
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder known. Seth watched, perplexed as Arnost’s face softened and the blue eyes warmed. “Shhh. It is okay.” Arnost walked deliberately toward Seth and placed his warm hands on Seth’s arms, stroking and soothing as they moved up and down in a slow caress that helped to still Seth’s agitation. “It’s not okay!” Seth insisted. “I’m standing here yelling at you, and I don’t even know why.” “I know.” Arnost nodded with an understanding so profound Seth couldn’t help but believe him. “I know what you need.” Without further word, the proud executive slid down onto his knees in front of Seth, uncaring of what the surface of the roof would do to his finely tailored clothing. Seth looked down at Arnost’s blond head in shock. “What?” Seth started to speak, but his words changed to a hissed intake of breath as Arnost’s well-groomed hands undid his belt and made quick work on the fastening of his pants. Seth didn’t know what to do with his own hands, so he kept them splayed out his sides, palms open and fingers flexing as he resisted the urge to touch Arnost. “It is okay.” Blue eyes stared up at Seth for an endless moment. “Use me. Take what you need.” Arnost leaned forward, inhaling deeply as he pressed his face against Seth’s open fly. His exhaled breath puffed out against the bared skin and stirred the tiny hairs that trailed downward before disappearing behind the open vee of Seth’s trousers. 27
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder Seth’s stomach clenched. His cock twitched, swelled under the breathy caress, and surged forward. It knew what was happening before Seth did, before his knees buckled and sagged from what Arnost was doing, before Seth’s hands suddenly knew what to do. They reached. They grasped. They took. Seth’s fingers slid independently through the blond hair, feeling the softness of the short strands before one hand slid over the back of Arnost’s skull, tightening on the sharp curve of bone and unable to keep from pulling the warm, wet suction even closer. “Oh God.” It was Seth’s turn to exhale. The rush of breath from his lungs frosted in the night air as he pushed himself deeper into the welcoming wetness, slipping in further and then deeper still. “Oh God.” There were a lot of things Seth knew in that singular moment. He knew from the look of his breath that he should be feeling cold, chilled from the length of time he’d been out in the wind. Instead, he was hot, practically boiling from the heat transferred by Arnost’s mouth and tongue working slowly up and down his cock until Seth couldn’t stand it and his hips snapped forward at a faster pace. The sound of the wind was lost to him, hidden behind the liquid music created as Arnost sucked him. Sweat slid down Seth’s back, pooling in his waistband, but his attention stayed focused on that mouth fastened so tightly on him, that mouth that felt so right on his cock that Seth didn’t know if he could ever function without it again. 28
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder He also knew that this wasn’t fair to Arnost, that he should slow down, be gentle, and enjoy the unexpected moment. But Seth couldn’t help the way his hips, which earlier had swung so easily in sweet rhythm, were now thrusting with such force; he couldn’t help the way he was angrily pushing his cock over and over into Arnost’s throat until he was sure the man would choke. Instead Arnost just reached a hand around Seth’s hips and refused to let him pull back. Logic was left far behind as Seth purged himself of emotion in the wonderful, slick heaven of Arnost’s mouth. He couldn’t help but look down, straining in the dark night to watch as the chaffed and reddened lips moved over him with such delicious friction. This was for the way Oscar had used him. This was for the way the words he had overheard had made him feel. This was for Arnost’s high-handed treatment and assumptions. Arnost was moaning, low sounds that Seth felt but could barely hear over his own strained grunts. “Oh my God.” He was repeating himself. The words rasped their way out of his vocal cords with each animal-like pant of his breath as Arnost’s fingers bit into his hips with his effort to stay upright through Seth’s violent movements. Seth was shivering and dizzy. All his blood pooled in his groin, in the flesh he used as a weapon to keep battering at Arnost, ignoring the stream of saliva and pre-come that the force of his thrusts pushed out of the beautifully swollen mouth to fall onto the gravel between them. His legs spread wide for balance, Seth let one shaking hand slip down to Arnost’s shoulder and hunched his own 29
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder body down lower as he felt his fingers sink in and grip the yielding flesh painfully as he struggled to find release. Yielding. That was Arnost. A willing vessel for Seth’s hurt and anger. Everything that the other man was at that moment was turned over to Seth, his to do with what he wanted. Seth moaned and tugged at Arnost’s hair and shoulder while his cock kept pistoning in and out of Arnost’s mouth. It was empowering and draining and Jesus, it was frightening as hell. “Help me,” Seth demanded hoarsely as his legs trembled with exhaustion. He wasn’t sure what Arnost would do, and he wasn’t sure what he could do. All Seth knew was that he trusted Arnost to see him safely through this whirling vortex of emotion he was lost in. Arnost didn’t miss a beat. He just moved one large hand from the back of Seth’s thighs to press between his legs, stroking the soft strip of skin and then lightly cupping his swollen sac. Seth shuddered as Arnost rolled the tender spheres of flesh gently between his fingers before he pulled down sharply. The sharp bite of pain surged through lightening, and just that quickly he was free. The gone, along with the hurt; everything poured out jagged pulses of thick, heavy come that Arnost without hesitation.
Seth like anger was of Seth in swallowed
Seth moaned again, dazed by the cathartic effect of his orgasm. He knew he should do something, say something. Instead he just stood there, his eyes closed, his mind blank as Arnost finally let his cock slip from his lips and carefully 30
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder tucked him away, refastening his pants and belt before standing up. “Better?” Arnost questioned. His voice was hoarse, and instead of shame, Seth felt a surge of pride. He had caused that low rasp. Arnost’s hand cupped Seth’s cheek, and his thumb rubbed against the slight stubble. He was bigger than Seth, wider and taller, and Seth shivered again, sagging into the comfort of his arms. “I have you.” Arnost brushed his lips across the top of Seth’s head. “I have you now.” Seth could only nod. Speech would have required effort, and he wanted to forget everything except the rapid beat of Arnost’s heart beneath his cheek and the firm pulse of Arnost’s erection against his leg that told him they weren’t finished just yet. The wind played over them as they stood locked together, but Seth was warm and comfortable. Finally he cleared his throat. “Thank you.” Seth wasn’t sure how Arnost knew what he had needed, but Arnost had given it to him unselfishly, and Seth was ready to return the favor. “You are most welcome.” Seth could hear the amusement in Arnost’s voice at Seth’s polite tone as he kissed the top of Seth’s head. “Would you like to return to the party?” Seth shook his head. “Is that what you want?” he asked, raising his head to look with undisguised need into Arnost’s blue eyes. He might have started the evening with other plans, but what’s-his-name was now the farthest thing from his mind. 31
Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder “I would like to open my present now,” Arnost grinned, the happiness in his face dazzling. “I think it will prove to be the gift that will keep on giving.”
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Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder
The joke in Chrissy Munder's family is that she was born with a book in her hand. Even now, you'll never find her without a book or seven scattered about. Forced to become a practicing realist in an effort to combat her tendency to dream, her many years of travel and a diverse assortment of careers have taken her across most of the U.S. and shown her that there are two things you can never have enough of: love and laughter.
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Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder Other titles from Chrissy…
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Giving Gifts / Chrissy Munder
©Copyright Chrissy Munder, 2008 Published by Dreamspinner Press 4760 Preston Road Suite 244-149 Frisco, TX 75034 http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the authors’ imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental. Cover Art by Dan Skinner/Cerberus Inc.
[email protected] Cover Design by Mara McKennen This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon conviction, fines and/or imprisonment. This eBook cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No part of this eBook can be shared or reproduced without the express permission of the publisher. To request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press at: 4760 Preston Road, Suite 244-149, Frisco, TX 75034 http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/ Released in the United States of America December, 2008
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