Focus on Fathering

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Focus on Fathering discusses the fascinating, moving, and often contradictory role in which Australian men find themselves as fathers: is a good father these days? • What is it fathers provide that is so influential to a child’s • What development? importantly different to mothering? • IsIs fathering it a role that a single mother or a substitute parent can take? • What fathers and children say? • What do do women think? • It becomes abundantly apparent in Focus on Fathering that fathers have deep feelings for their children and desire to be good parents. From their research or experience as practitioners working with fathers the writers explore many aspects of fathering. The inspiration for Focus on Fathering came from a forum on Australian fathers organised by the Commission for Children and Young People in Queensland. Anyone concerned with the wellbeing of Australian children should read this informative and challenging book. ISBN 0-86431-465-5

9 780864 314659

Focus on Fathering attempts to bring together a range of diverse and even contradictory views to provide a basis for debate and reflection about the role that men play as fathers in their children’s lives. The volume commences with the findings from the fathering survey undertaken by the Commission and introduces some of the challenges faced by fathers. This is expanded on by the rich narratives of a small group of men who provide their perspectives, in their own voices, on what it means to be a father. The views of a large number of young children about fathers provide a further dimension to our understanding. Professor Fiona Stanley AC Australian of the Year 2003

Australian Council for Educational Research

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Focus on FATHERING

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Focus on FATHERING EDITED BY ROBIN SULLIVAN

ACER Press

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First published 2003 by ACER Press Australian Council of Educational Research Ltd 19 Prospect Hill Road, Camberwell, Melbourne, Victoria, 3124 Copyright © 2003 Australian Council for Educational Research All rights reserved. Except under the conditions described in the Copyright Act 1968 of Australia and subsequent amendments, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the written permission of the publishers. Edited by Tony and Valina Rainer Sound Words Cover and text design by Robert Klinkhamer Design Printed by Shannon Books National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication data: Focus on fathering. Bibliography. ISBN 0 86431 465 5. 1. Fatherhood – Australia. 2. Father and child – Australia. 3. Parenting – Australia. I. Sullivan, Robin. 306.8742 Visit our website: www.acerpress.com.au

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Foreword

Foreword As the canvas of our society continues to change the implications for the family are far-reaching. This is particularly so in relation to the make-up of the family and the subsequent challenges facing it. The rate of marriage breakdown remains high with the result that, in Australia alone, almost one million children live with only one natural parent. We also know that the challenge of balancing work and family responsibilities is becoming increasingly difficult, while the gap between the economically affluent and the battlers in our society continues to widen. The implications for our children cannot be underestimated. More than ever, children are presenting with behavioural and psychosocial problems at a very early age. We are seeing a range of developmental epidemics in children – such as attention deficit disorders and learning disabilities. We also know how important the early years are for helping establish strong social, emotional and neurological foundations that underpin the child’s future development. It is evident from the research, as well as commonly understood, that children need to be nurtured effectively from the very beginning. The role of each parent in this is critical. Within this context, the publication of Focus on Fathering is timely, opening discussion about the important role that fathers have in children’s lives. The idea for this book developed from the Forum for Fathering organised by the Queensland Commission for Children and Young People in 2001. This forum brought together a range of practitioners and researchers with expertise in working with fathers. It was based around the research the Commission had undertaken, asking men their views on fathering and the challenges they experienced. The book consists of a range of contributions by practitioners and academics working with fathers, children and families. It attempts to bring together a range of diverse and even contradictory views to provide a basis for debate and reflection about the role that men play as fathers in their children’s lives. This collection of Australian contributions is a useful resource for practitioners. The volume commences with the findings from the

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fathering survey undertaken by the Commission and introduces some of the challenges faced by fathers. This is expanded on by the rich narratives of a small group of men who provide their perspectives, in their own voices, on what it means to be a father. The views of a large number of Queensland’s young children about fathers provide a further dimension to our understanding. The book then presents a range of perspectives on fathering, based on the experiences and research of practitioners. These include the issues confronting separated fathers, the contribution that fathers make in their children’s lives, emotionally and physically, and a feminist perspective on fathering: a full spectrum of views. The experiences of the Engaging Fathers project and Dads Talkin’ to Dads group provide interesting examples of different interventions used in working work with men. As Robin Sullivan indicates in the final chapter, there is no longer a clear definition of fathers’ or mothers’ roles – rather, these are becoming increasingly blurred in contemporary society – but what remains constant is that both parents play an important role in the lives of their children. There are many ways to be an effective father or mother. That is the point, to be effective as parents. I believe that as the social focus shifts onto the role and importance of the family, as evidenced through the range of debates and initiatives currently occurring in Australia, the publication of this book is timely. The role of fathers is an important discussion at this point in our history and I commend the Queensland Commission for Children and Young People and the publishers, ACER Press, for initiating this publication. Professor Fiona Stanley AC CEO, Australian Research Alliance for Children and Youth Director, Telethon Institute for Child Health Research Australian of the Year 2003

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Contents

Contents

Foreword v Preface ix CHAPTER 1

Sue Howard, Noelene McBride and Fotina Hardy – Fathering roles, responsibilities and barriers – men speak out 1 CHAPTER 2

Fotina Hardy and Sue Howard – The fathers’ narratives 17 CHAPTER 3

Sue Howard, Pamela Curtin and Fotina Hardy – Fathers: exploring the voices of children and young people 35 CHAPTER 4

Ron Frey – Fathers: important, unique or uniquely important? 55 CHAPTER 5

Keith Owen – Mad, bad, or just plain sad dads: the relationship of post-separation parenting patterns and grief on the mental and physical health of fathers 73 CHAPTER 6

Ron Spielman – The father in the mind 93 CHAPTER 7

Joanne Howard – A feminist perspective on fathering 107 CHAPTER 8

Richard Fletcher – Fathers’ role in family services: the Engaging Fathers Project 125 CHAPTER 9

James McGregor – Inviting men back to the family 143

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CHAPTER

10

Keith Owen and Linda Pullen – Dads Talkin’ to Dads: group support for fathers 159 CHAPTER 11

Carol McVeigh – Who are the fathers? 175 CHAPTER 12

Paul Harnett and Sharon Dawe – An overview of research methodology in the development of family-focused treatment programs 191 CHAPTER 13

Robin Sullivan – Relationships between men and their children 211

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Preface

Preface Robin Sullivan – Commissioner for Children and Young People, Queensland

The genesis for this publication was the Forum on Fathering organised by the Queensland Commission for Children and Young People in 2001. The Forum was based around a research study on fathering that the Commission undertook, and brought together professionals who were working with fathers or undertaking relevant Australian based research. This book draws on the work of some of the contributors to the Forum, together with additional authors. What follows is a range of views on fathers and fathering, drawn predominantly from practice and research. It is important to understand that the views expressed in these papers are not necessarily those of the Commission, but rather an example of the range of perspectives on fathering in contemporary Australia. The objectives of the book are to build on existing knowledge and understanding and to provide a useful resource for practitioners who work with men. Chapter 1 by Sue Howard and colleagues discusses the major themes that emerged from the fathering study undertaken by the Commission. The overriding theme arising from the study was that the participating fathers want to be involved with their children in more ways than the traditional breadwinner role. The study highlights a number of issues and barriers that the men identified as impacting on their ability to be fathers. Chapter 2 by Fotina Hardy and Sue Howard offers insight into what fathering means for a diverse group of men. The chapter is based on a small qualitative study involving in-depth interviews undertaken by the Commission in 2002. The narratives, in the men’s own words, provide a richness of information that increases understanding of the diverse and unique features of fathering. The study provides depth of understanding, as opposed to breadth and generalisability of findings. Asking for and hearing the voices of children and young people is integral to the Commission’s way of operating. This approach is undertaken in Chapter 3 to provide a further critical dimension to understanding the concept of fathering. This chapter discusses the results of the Fathers’ Day Competition held in 2000, where children and young people across

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Queensland were asked to present their views on their fathers or father figures. The chapter draws out their key perceptions of fathering. In chapter 4, Ron Frey provides an interesting discussion on fathering, questioning traditional view points on the gendered division of parenting. In discussing the importance of fathers, Frey contends that men’s contribution to their children’s development is, and should be, the same contribution that women make. The contribution is about the nurturing of and caring for children rather than gendered division of parenting roles. He argues that, whilst the contribution of every father is important, and uniquely important to their individual children, the idea that fathers make contributions mothers cannot make is much more likely to be based on theoretical considerations of parenting rather than evidence which arises from contemporary families. The chapter examines the literature on the role of men in the lives of their children and the changing and diverse nature of families. He reviews the psychoanalytic literature on the role of the father and its influence on how fathers and their roles are perceived. Keith Owen in chapter 5 discusses the nature of separated fathers’ grief and its impact on establishing positive and negative parenting experiences, after separation. Previous research indicates that men experience physical and psychological problems that affect their lives for up to ten years after separation. This chapter challenges the common models of grief used to address the needs of these men and argues that there is a need to understand the nature of separated fathers’ grief as a natural, ongoing reaction to a stressful life event, similar to the concept of chronic sorrow. In chapter 6 Ron Spielman discusses the vital role that both parents play in the early years of a child’s life in terms of the development of identity and the ability to think about other people and the world around them. Writing from a psychoanalytic perspective, Dr Spielman argues that fathers have an important role in assisting their children to move into the world beyond the mother–infant couple, to negotiate the developmental stages towards becoming realistic thinkers, and to be socially connected. He discusses the concept of the ‘the father in the mind’ and how this influences the child’s development. Jo Howard in chapter 7 provides a critical discussion about fathering, questioning gender roles and expectations. She asks why the emphasis on fathering is occurring now, and explores some of the perspectives. She

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concludes with suggestions on how to progress from the current focus in a constructive and pro-feminist way, taking into account social justice issues. Jo provides some interesting food for thought in redefining fatherhood in a positive way that incorporates the wider social, economic and political context. Drawing on feminist methodology, she calls for greater equality between the sexes, arguing that it would result in a greater connectedness between men and women and fathers and their children. In chapter 8, Richard Fletcher discusses the Engaging Fathers Project. This is a four-year program aimed at promoting the wellbeing of children aged 0–8 years by engaging their fathers in the lives of the children. He presents an overview of the project before discussing the major findings to date. The project is based in a high need area of Newcastle, NSW, and involves community development with local schools and child care centres and fathers from both Indigenous and non-Indigenous communities. The findings and lessons learnt from this project provide a useful and practical resource to organisations or individuals interested in engaging with fathers. It also highlights some of the benefits of the community development approach used. James McGregor in chapter 9 draws on his clinical experience with adult men. He observes that men often lament the absence of their father in their childhood lives or the quality of the emotional presence of their father and speak of poor relationships with their father in their adult lives. These men often repeat this pattern of fathering in their own families, despite determined resolutions not to do so. James argues that men generally take the responsibility of fatherhood seriously, but frequently construct their role in terms of being a ‘provider’. This construct comes at great emotional cost to men. The chapter outlines the author’s ideas and the approaches he takes to invite men to think differently about their role and how to re-construct it to enable them to become an integral part of the emotional life of the family. In chapter 10, Keith Owen and Linda Pullen discuss the ‘Dads Talkin’ to Dads’ support group for fathers that they have been running in Brisbane. The program targets men from lower socio-economic backgrounds who have experienced difficulty in engaging in group programs. It is nonprescriptive in approach, allowing for the program’s continual evolution and responsiveness to the needs of the men. Keith and Linda discuss their

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journey with the program, some of the issues arising from the group and some of the challenges encountered. Chapter 11 is based on Carol McVeigh’s research on the role of fathers in teenage mother pregnancies. In Australia over 250 000 women give birth each year and five per cent (14 000) of those births are to teenage women, most of who are aged 15 to 19 years. Although both the United States and Australia have seen a decline in teenage pregnancy and birth rates in recent years, the situation continues to constitute a significant public health problem in Australia. Despite this, little is known about the men who father infants born to teenage mothers in Australia. To address this gap in information and to obtain a snapshot image of teenage mothers and the fathers of their infants, a pilot study was carried out in a regional centre in Queensland. Carol discusses the outcomes of this study in her chapter, ending with recommendations for further research. In chapter 12 Paul Harnett and Sharon Dawe discuss the increasing focus on the need to provide empirically validated intervention programs. They provide an overview of the methodology available to practitioners for evaluating the range of interventions. They contend that with the increasing range of child and family therapies available to practitioners, it is important to be able to critically evaluate which intervention best meets the needs of each client. It is also important to be able to evaluate the success of ongoing treatment interventions being used. This chapter presents a useful overview of clinical methods of evaluating family interventions. The book concludes with a discussion on the social construction of fatherhood and the relationship between father and child. Drawing on current literature and research, I present, in chapter 13, the journey of fatherhood and attempt to unpack some of the issues relating to how fatherhood is constructed. My conclusions reflect many of the themes presented by the other authors, that is, that fatherhood is a highly emotional and complex concept. I argue that research needs to expand our understanding and construction of fatherhood, not perpetuate narrow definitions, taking into account the diversity and complexity of our society. In conclusion, I would like to acknowledge the support and assistance of the Research Department of the Commission for Children and Young People in bringing together this publication. In particular, I would like to acknowledge Sue Howard, Julie Harcourt, Fotina Hardy, Pamela Curtin, Carrie Rainbow, Noelene McBride, Linda Newman and Peter Noyes.

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CHAPTER 1

Fathering roles, responsibilities and barriers – men speak out Sue Howard, Noelene McBride & Fotina Hardy

BIOGRAPHY As Manager of the Research Unit in the Queensland Commission for Children and Young People, Sue Howard was responsible for developing and executing the Commission’s Focus on Fathering Project. She has carried out a range of activities promoting the wellbeing of children and young people, including research projects and research forums. Sue has degrees in Arts and Education and her research for her Masters of Philosophy involved an ethnographic study of parent involvement in the development of Human Relationships Education programs in schools. Sue’s previous positions have been in education, primarily related to social justice issues and student welfare, but also the professional development of staff and curriculum and test development. Sue has lectured at Griffith University, Gold Coast campus in Communication Studies, and in Education courses in Human Development, and Teaching– Learning Processes. Noelene McBride (PhD) has extensive experience and expertise in research on young children. Her doctoral thesis involved extensive research on the links between early personal experiences of care and later attitudes to caring for others, in particular, young children. She is currently working as a Senior Research Assistant on a project with young children in a range of early years educational settings at QUT. Fotina Hardy’s career has spanned over 20 years in the service industry, both in government and non-government sectors. With a Masters of Commerce (Org Beh & Mktg) and a Bachelor of Social Work, she is currently studying for her Professional Doctorate. Fotina’s background is in client service, research, program management and evaluation, organisational change and development, and marketing, and includes a strong management focus. Her clinical experience has focused on children and families.

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Introduction The last two decades have seen an increasing interest in the role of fathering in Western societies, resulting in a growing body of literature and research (Silverstein & Auerbach, 1999). Changes to the nature of the family and of work, changes to parental roles, the significant number of children living apart from their biological fathers due to high divorce and separation rates and an increasing number of single parent families have all impacted on the nature of men’s relationships with their children (Fox & Bruce, 1999; Hawkins, Bradford, Palkovitz, Christiansen, Day & Call, 2002; Kazura, 2000). However, the underlying assumption that fathers play an essential role in their children’s lives, thus warranting high or increased levels of involvement, remains (Bradley & Corwyn, 2000; Silverstein & Auerbach, 1999). Accordingly the father–child relationship has special interest. From 2000 to 2002, the Queensland Commission for Children and Young People undertook a specific initiative to raise awareness and inform public debate on contemporary fathering issues, and to promote appropriate fathering and positive fathering skills. The initiative comprised a number of strategies, including a Father’s Day competition (an analysis of the entries is included as chapter 3 of this volume) and a scan of fathering programs offered around Queensland. The scan revealed a dearth of such activities, which service providers indicated tended to be offered on an ad hoc basis as the need arose. There also seemed to be little information available about the support that can be offered to fathers. Hence, the Commission organised a research forum with a focus on fathering, bringing together researchers, policymakers and practitioners to facilitate sharing of information about fathers’ needs and relevant programs. The forum was the genesis of this book. In framing its Focus on Fathering Project in 2000, the Commission identified that available research generally lacked the voices and stories of fathers themselves. Hence, we included a small research study attempting to address this. The study aimed to add to the knowledge base on fatherhood in Australia, specifically from the father’s perspective, and is the focus of this chapter.

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The project was undertaken in 2000 and was based on a study which had previously been undertaken in New Zealand (Julian, 1999). The aim of the Queensland project was to explore the perceptions of men regarding the fathering role, together with factors that influenced their ability to achieve what they understood as ‘good’ fathering.

Methodology The study participants consisted of a group of one hundred and five fathers who were voluntarily participating in men’s support groups throughout Queensland at the end of the year 2000. No prior research had been identified that specifically targeted men participating in such groups. The use of non-probability, purposive sampling (Rubin & Babbie, 2000) means that the results cannot be generalised to the wider population and findings are discussed in relation to this specific group of men. They are not meant to represent all Queensland fathers, and we do not intend to suggest broader generalisations can be made about these survey findings, given the small number of respondents and the fact they were a specific group of fathers. The study involved the use of a survey questionnaire which was distributed through a range of organisations committed to working with men. The respondents voluntarily completed the questionnaires and these were then returned to the Commission for coding and analysis. In focusing on one group of fathers and their perceptions of barriers that exist to being able to carry out their fathering roles, this study adds a further layer of research on the emotional aspects of fathering. Dye (1998) and Lupton and Barclay (1997) suggest that the emotional, or feeling component of father–child relationships has importance for understanding both the effects fathers have on family members and the effects that fathering has on the development of men. For, as Lamb (1998, p.49) argued we ‘…cannot hope to elucidate paternal influences without recognising the contrasting conceptions of fatherhood guiding the behaviour and expectations of the specific fathers, mothers, and children being studied’.

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Survey Participants The one hundred and five respondents self identified as being fathers through the first question on the questionnaire which asked if they were fathers or perceived themselves to have a fathering role. 87 per cent of respondents were biological fathers, three per cent stepfathers, seven per cent adoptive fathers and one per cent foster fathers. The remaining two per cent of men identified themselves as acting as fathers to the children of their de facto partner, and 1 per cent were in what they described as ‘other’ fathering roles. While the context through which these men were located was specific, survey participants came from diverse socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds and geographic regions, and differed in age, educational qualification and types of employment. 82 per cent identified as being born in Australia and fourteen (13 per cent) identified themselves as of Aboriginal or Torres Trait Islander background. Only 3 per cent of respondents spoke a language other than English at home. The ages of the survey sample ranged from 20 to 64 with 19 per cent aged between 25 and 34, 43 per cent aged between 35 and 44 and 28 per cent aged between 45 and 54. The men held a range of educational qualifications and were involved in a variety of occupations including home duties. See tables 1–3. Table 1 Country of origin Country of birth

Number

Australia

85

New Zealand

8

United Kingdom

5

Belgium

1

China

1

Cyprus

1

Finland

1

Germany

1

Malta

1

USA

1

Total

105

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Table 2 Educational qualifications Level attained

Number

Less than year 10

8

Year 10 level

21

Year 12 level

13

Trade or technical

31

Diploma or degree

25

Other studies

7

Total

105

Table 3 Employment status Employment status

Number

Tradesman, manual worker

40

Managerial, professional

38

Unemployed

10

Other

9

Home duties

4

Retired from work

2

Fulltime student

2

Total

105

Role responsibility Respondents were asked to rate parental responsibility for a range of activities (see table 4). The results indicate that these men predominantly viewed child rearing as a joint responsibility of both parents. For example, when it comes to dealing with personal and behavioural problems, the respondents identified these as being the responsibility of both parents (89 and 92 per cent respectively). In relation to the discipline of children, 88 per cent of respondents indicated that responsibility should rest with both parents with only seven per cent identifying the father as having principal responsibility. Furthermore, 93 per cent of respondents indicated that showing affection to children was the responsibility of both parents. These responses reflect a shift away from traditional gender specific parenting roles (Hawkins et al., 2002).

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However, there were some interesting findings about other aspects of parenting. The biggest split in allocating responsibility for a task was in the dayto-day care of children, where 30 per cent of respondents believed this to be the primary responsibility of the mother and 69 per cent saw this as being a joint responsibility. Nineteen per cent of respondents saw health matters as being the mother’s primary responsibility, with 79 per cent seeing this as a joint role. Table 4 Role responsibility* Parental responsibilities

Both mother & father

Primarily mother

Primarily father

Number

Discipline

92 (88%)

4 (4%)

8 (8%)

104

Sport & Recreation

84 (81%)

3 (3%)

16 (16%)

103

Day-to-day care

69 (67%)

31 (30%)

3 (3%)

103

Dealing with school behaviour

90 (87%)

8 (8%)

5 (5%)

103

Dealing with behavioural problems

97 (92%)

3 (3%)

5 (5%)

105

Dealing with health problems

83 (79%)

20 (19%)

2 (2%)

105

Dealing with personal problems

93 (89%)

8 (8%)

3 (3%)

104

Being involved with sons

84 (81%)

0

20 (19%)

104

Being involved with daughters

85 (82%)

15 (15%)

3 (3%)

103

Showing affection

98 (93%)

5 (5%)

2 (2%)

105

*Note: Not all participants answered each of the questions.

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Respondents were asked about primary care with regard to daughters and sons. The results again show that this was generally seen to be a joint responsibility (81 per cent for sons and 82 per cent for daughters). However, there still were 19 per cent of respondents who felt that it was the father who should be mainly involved with sons and 15 per cent who felt that mothers should have the primary involvement with daughters. This is consistent with previous research which has shown that fathers are more interested in and involved with their sons rather than daughters, irrespective of the child’s age (Lamb, 1997; Pleck, 1997). Eighty-four (81 per cent) of the respondents identified sport and recreation as being the responsibility of both parents, while 16 (16 per cent) of the respondents saw this as being the father’s primary responsibility. These results are consistent with those from a similar study undertaken in New Zealand (Julian, 1999). The following comment by one of the respondents highlights the multidimensional influences on parenting. It also reflects the growing shift away from responsibilities being allocated according to a parent’s gender to recognising the specific attributes of the individuals involved: While I have answered questions indicating an equal role between mother & father, I recognise that often one partner’s role may in fact be stronger because of individual capacity. Also, I believe a mother’s role in caring for young and very young children to be one of deeper effect, though the father’s role is essential, too.

Patterns of paternal investment Respondents were asked to comment on their fathering roles. Their views highlight the diverse investment these men offered their children, including emotional support and friendship, practical support, spiritual and philosophical support, educational and financial support. The level of responsibility undertaken by this group of fathers varied considerably from: ‘…washing, ironing, reading bedtime story, feeding and breakfast time, getting dressed, teeth brushing…’, ‘I’m a single father with full custody’, to ‘occasional babysitting’, ‘only see my [daughter] on holidays’.

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The roles undertaken by fathers varied, including: ‘[being a] friend to my child’, ‘[having] a supportive listening role’, involvement in ‘peacekeeping between children and mother’. There were also more practical undertakings such as ‘repairing toys…’, ‘…providing practical support for son who has recently married and is setting up house’, an ‘economic function – what bills get paid when’. Other fathers described their role as ‘involving professional issues, higher education’, ‘involvement with some aspects of children’s education’ and, ‘to help Michael find work’. These fathers have identified an extensive variety of roles and responsibilities. It seems that patterns of activity by fathers with their children are affected by gender and individual skills, but also according to the age, stage and developmental needs of the child. Overall, the fathers in this survey presented a picture similar to one described by Jesser (1996, p. 78) where fathers were no longer only ‘expected to be the primary breadwinner’. Most responses suggested that they expected, and indeed were motivated, to be actively involved fathers and very present in the upbringing of their children. What fathers actually do with and for their children is affected by a number of issues including access to their children. This is consistent with the model presented by Doherty and colleagues which discusses five dimensions influencing the role of fathering: contextual factors; child factors; mother factors; co-parental relationship and father factors (Doherty, Kouneski & Erickson, 1998, p. 286).

Perceived barriers to ‘good’ fathering On a Likert Scale, respondents were asked to indicate their level of agreement with a range of statements in relation to barriers to fathering. Respondents were also given the opportunity to provide comments. Details of findings are presented in table 5.

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Table 5 Barriers to fathering* Barriers

Strongly Agree

Agree

Disagree

Strongly Disagree

Total

Men are not formally taught to be fathers

50 (48%)

33 (31%)

14 (13%)

8 (8%)

105

Men do not have the time to be ‘good’ fathers due to work

6 (6%)

21 (21%)

47 (46%)

28 (27%)

102

Men do not have time to be ‘good’ fathers due to other activities

0

9 (9%)

58 (55%)

38 (36%)

105

Women are better at looking after children

4 (4%)

41 (40%)

39 (38%)

19 (18%)

103

Looking after children is not manly

2 (2%)

1 (1%)

47 (45%)

54 (52%)

104

Family Court decisions discriminate against men

45 (47.5%)

39 (41%)

7 (7.5%)

4 (4%)

95

*Note: Not all participants answered each of the questions.

A high proportion (79 per cent) of participants agreed that men are not formally taught to be fathers. Some of the comments included: There is a need for fathers to understand the educational requirements of being a father, there is a need to educate oneself about being a parent. Society has to find ways of allowing men to father…There needs to be a lot of public education about the importance of fathering. When it has the acceptance of importance, new ways will come to the surface to enable it to happen. Education for fathers is of paramount importance.

These comments reflect an overall trend for this group of fathers, suggesting a desire for information and parenting programs on fathering. It is interesting that the respondents talked about fathering not parenting, suggesting that perhaps, for this group of men, there is a perceived need for specific information and programs targeted to fathers. In terms of traditional parenting roles, 58 (56 per cent) of these fathers did not think that mothers were better able to look after children. However, 44 per cent did support the view in the following comment: ‘traditional role model that the father is the provider and the mother the carer.’

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It is often claimed that work commitments negatively affect father–child relationships. The issue of access to time to be able to carry out the role of fatherhood was explored in this part of the survey. Of this group of men, 75 (73 per cent) did not believe that their ability to be a good father was influenced by time limitations due to work commitments. Ninety-one per cent of respondents rejected the idea of other activities impacting on their ability to father. This should be considered in the light of their employment patterns (table 3). The influence of traditional gender roles was explored, and it is interesting to note that all but three (97 per cent) of respondents disagreed that fathering was not ‘manly’. Looking after children presents opportunities to develop a sense of closeness that can involve understanding, trust, respect, affection and fairness (Amato, 1994). A comment by one respondent about the ‘misconception of being manly’ reflects this disagreement with the traditional views of the father. Indeed, one could argue that the concept of ‘manly’ no longer has a universally accepted definition in contemporary society and is interpreted and lived out by individual men in a variety of ways. The role of the Family Court as a barrier to fathering was explored with results indicating that the majority of respondents (88 per cent) believed that court decisions discriminate against men. The following comments indicate a range of issues that these respondents have identified as impacting on their ability to father: Child support system discriminates against men. Fathers in separated marriages should have more rights to access and decisions on behalf of their children. Access following family break-up including safe supervised access for fathers who may be under court order. Restricting open access. Change out-dated laws so father’s have more legal rights… Equal access, equal rights. Equal maintenance decisions to look after children.

These findings reflect the experiences of this particular group of men, indicating dissatisfaction with their interactions with the judicial system. Those respondents who lived separately from their children due to marital or relationship breakdown commented that court rulings, legislation and the relationship with the ex-spouse did not always enable

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fathers to be treated equally. Their emotional reactions to this were reflected in statements such as: If only I could have some control in my daughter’s upbringing. I would be a more satisfied father as well as my daughter would grow to be happier. But the way it is, the mother can move anywhere do virtually anything she likes (except become acholic [sic] or drug addict). My input/influence to my daughter is so minimal. IT SUXS.

Negative relationships combined with dissatisfaction with legal situations and Family Court decisions can lead to frustration, disappointment and stress that, in turn, result in feelings of powerlessness and anger. These findings illustrate again that the dimensions of co-parent relationship, mother factors and contextual, or social, legal and economic factors have impacted on this group of fathers (Doherty et al., 1998). The following comments voice some of these issues: Family law court should be abolished. It only serves a divorce industry of greedy solicitors poorly trained and extremely biased court councillors, children’s reps and psychologists and dinosaur registrars from the feminist era. Ex-wives should not be allowed to move children out of reach of fathers because of personal reasons. Contact should always be allowed to fathers & children.

Other barriers to fathering Women’s attitudes towards parenting were identified as a problem. Why do women think that it is their right to be the parent that knows what’s good for the children. Woman/mother often won’t let me discipline.

These comments are again consistent with the conceptual model discussed by Doherty and his colleagues (1998). The dimension of coparental relationship and mother factors, especially in relation to the role of mother as gatekeeper, are supported by these findings (Doherty et al., 1998, pp 287–8). However, the second comment also illustrates an important factor to be kept in mind when considering the findings of this study.

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The survey explored only men’s perceptions. In the case of discipline as in the last quotation above, it may well be that the mother, the children and, perhaps, the Family Court might perceive this father’s discipline as too severe. A fuller picture of the situation would include the perceptions of these other groups too. A range of barriers to being a ‘good’ father are evidenced in the following comments: Being raised in a broken home. Suitable role models, mentors. My generation & one or two before mine, suffered from the absent father syndrome – Dad fulfilling his role as ‘the provider’ but not giving anything of himself to his children. Men are not taught to be affectionate…[or]…show emotions.

Other barriers identified included: Negative media publicity about men Government policy Community awareness/attitudes Relationship issues Lack of support Employment/workplace Financial

Some of the comments reflect a sense of frustration for some respondents at not being given the opportunity to contribute as a father and not having their views considered. This is seen in the following comment: Recognise men and really listen to what they say.

Barriers to fathering can be related to the ages of the children living at home. As Amato and Booth (1997), suggest, for a high proportion of divorced and separated fathers, involvement with children drops off over time and relationships with children suffer. This appears to be influenced by the age and gender of the child and the quality of the relationship with the ex-spouse. However, findings from our survey are inconclusive on this topic.

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Supporting fathers Respondents were asked for their comments on ways that fathers could be supported in their roles. The majority, 97 per cent, highlighted the need for increased education and information geared towards fathers, including antenatal, postnatal and ongoing classes or workshops. Greater access to men’s support groups was also ranked highly by the respondents. It can be argued that this finding is not surprising given the sample surveyed, and their involvement in support groups. Consequently, this particular finding may be unique to this group. A more representative sample of the ‘father’ population would be needed to explore whether this form of support is more widely sought. The desire for increased literature about parenting specifically directed at men, additional services and resources and fathering forums where men can learn from other men through discussion were also raised as a means of further supporting men in their role as fathers. Ninety-two per cent of the respondents commented on the need for more positive publicity about fathering, together with a need for society to view fathers as equally important and responsible as mothers. Some of the comments reflecting these views include: Educating society that all fathers/males are not perpetrators of domestic violence or child abuse as television portrays. Media articles offering ideas on how men can juggle responsibilities to be good fathers. Expose school children to a variety of fathering styles. Women to be educated on the importance of a good father in the family.

An issue that may need further exploration is the notion of tensions between men and fathering and women and mothering in gaining greater social recognition of the value of fathers and support for them. One participant claimed: It is supposedly an equal opportunity society yet there are practically no support systems for men.

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Conclusion The study suggests that the respondents expected and were motivated to be actively involved in being a father to their children. This has implications for the information and education services and material available to and intended for fathers in particular. What is interesting to note is that most of the fathers in the study identified the need to ‘learn’ or be ‘educated’ about parenting and fathering, though the fact that the respondents were actively involved in men’s support groups needs to be kept in mind. Reference by respondents to relationship issues, particularly negative comments about partners or former partners, reinforces that fathering does not just occur between a father and child. Mothers are part of the interactional and relationship equation. As Belsky and Volling (1987) have suggested, fathers invariably interact with their children in triadic or family contexts, rather than in a dyadic context. The respondents identified a range of barriers that can impede their ability to be good fathers and in so doing highlighted the complexity of what it is to be a father in Australia today. The findings are consistent with Jesser’s (1996) argument that the role of fathers has broadened from only being the breadwinner of the family. Accordingly, the findings of the study are consistent with an ecological framework, emphasising the importance of looking at fathering in context, considering the wider macro- and micro-influences (Belsky, 1980; Doherty et al., 1998). It is only in recent years that men’s issues have started to gain legitimacy and men’s parenting role, beyond their financial contributions, taken seriously. The benefits of healthy family relationships, not just mother–child relationships, have been long recognised. However, the results of this study suggest that men as fathers have their unique perspectives on not only what the role of fatherhood involves but on what is needed to enable them to undertake this effectively. A major limitation of the study has been the restricted sample group together with the sample size. As a result, the findings cannot be generalised to the wider population. Nevertheless, the survey has provided a range of insights into the perceptions and feelings of this group of fathers, and is of particular relevance to those who work with men seeking relationship counselling.

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References Amato, P. (1994). Father–child relations, mother–child relations and offspring psychological well-being in early adulthood. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 56, 1031–42. Amato, P., & Booth, A. (1997). A Generation at Risk: Growing up in an Era of Family Upheaval. London: Harvard University Press. Belsky, J. (1980). Child Maltreatment, An Ecological Integration. American Psychologist, 35, 320–35. Belsky, J., & Volling, B. (1987). Mothering, fathering and marital interaction in the family triad during infancy: Exploring family system’s processes. In P. Berman & F. Pedersen (Eds). Men’s Transitions To Parenthood (pp. 601–7). Hillsdale, New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum. Bradley, R.H., & Corwyn, R.F. (2000). Fathers’ socioemotional investment in their children The Journal of Men’s Studies, Spring, 8(3), 333–430. Doherty, W., Kouneski, E.F., & Erickson, M.F. (1998). Responsible fathering: An overview and conceptual framework. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60(2), 277–292. Dye, P. (1998). The Father Lode: A New Look At Becoming A Dad. Sydney: Allen & Unwin. Fox, G. L., & Bruce, C. (1999). The anticipation of single parenthood: A profile of men’s concerns. Journal of Family, 20(4), 458–507. Hawkins, A.J., Bradford, K.P., Palkovitz, R., Christiansen, S.L., Day, R.D., & Call, V.R.A. (2002). The inventory of father involvement: A pilot study of a new measure of father involvement. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 10(2), 183–97. Jesser, C. (1996). Fierce and Tender Men. Sociological Aspects of the Men’s Movement. London: Praegar. Julian, R. (1999). Fathers Who care: Partners in Parenting: Fathering in the New Millennium. Wellington: Office of the Commissioner for Children. Kazura, K. (2000). Fathers’ qualitative and quantitative involvement: An investigation of attachment, play, and social interaction. The Journal of Men’s Studies, 9(1), 41–56. Lamb, M. (Ed.). (1997). The Role of the Father in Child Development (3rd Ed.). New York: John Wiley & Sons.

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Lamb, M. (1998). Fatherhood then and now. In A. Booth & A. Crouter (Eds), Men In Families. When Do They Get Involved? What Difference Does It Make? New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates. Lupton, D., & Barclay, L. (1997). Constructing Fatherhood: Discourses and Experiences. London: Sage. Pleck, J.H. (1997). Paternal involvement: Levels, sources, and consequences. In M.E. Lamb (Ed.), The role of the father in child development (3rd Ed.). New York: John Wiley & Sons. Rubin, A., & Babbie, E. (2001). Research Methods for Social Work. California: Wadsworth Thomson Learning. Silverstein, L.B., & Auerbach, C.F. (1999). Deconstructing the essential father. American Psychologist, June 54(6), 397–407.

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CHAPTER 2

The fathers’ narratives Fotina Hardy & Sue Howard*

BIOGRAPHY Fotina Hardy’s career has spanned over 20 years in the service industry, both in government and non-government sectors. With a Masters of Commerce (Org Beh & Mktg) and a Bachelor of Social Work, she is currently studying for her Professional Doctorate. Fotina’s background is in client service, research, program management and evaluation, organisational change and development, and marketing, and includes a strong management focus. Her clinical experience has focused on children and families. As Manager of the Research Unit in the Queensland Commission for Children and Young People, Sue Howard was responsible for developing and executing the Commission’s Focus on Fathering Project. She has carried out a range of activities promoting the wellbeing of children and young people, including research projects and research forums. Sue has degrees in Arts and Education and her research for her Masters of Philosophy involved an ethnographic study of parent involvement in the development of Human Relationships Education programs in schools. Sue’s previous positions have been in education, primarily related to social justice issues and student welfare, but also the professional development of staff and curriculum and test development. Sue has lectured at Griffith University, Gold Coast campus in Communication Studies, and in Education courses in Human Development, and Teaching–Learning Processes.

* Acknowledgement: The authors would like to also thank Linda Newman and Julie Harcourt for their assistance and support. All names and potentially identifying details have been altered to ensure confidentiality of the participants.

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Introduction Other chapters in this book provide an analysis of theory around fathering or examples of programs for fathers; that is not the purpose of this chapter. Much has been written about the complexity and diversity of the fathering role. This chapter richly illustrates this. Our premise is that, if we want to increase our understanding of fatherhood, then we must seek to understand the experiences of individual fathers. To do this, we must listen to their stories. It is by listening to men themselves that we can obtain a critically important perspective on what it means to be a father. In seeking to ensure fathers’ voices were captured in this volume, the Queensland Commission for Children and Young People sought out a small group of fathers at the end of 2002 and talked with them about their perceptions and experiences of being a father. Four men with diverse fathering experiences were interviewed, the interviews were tape recorded, transcribed and then given back to the respondents to check for accuracy. This chapter presents extracts from their stories linked to different aspects or experiences in becoming and being a father. First, some background information about the men is given, and then their experiences are shared.

The Fathers John John, aged 48, is married to Robyn and they have two biological children, Matthew, aged 24 and Leslie, aged 19. John and Robyn live in rural Queensland, near Toowoomba. John is of Aboriginal background and his wife is non-Indigenous. He has recently completed a degree in Human Services. He and his wife are foster carers and currently have four children living with them ranging in ages from nine to 22 years. Jason At 27, Jason is the youngest of the fathers interviewed. He has a biological daughter, Rebecca, aged nine months, and is in a de facto relationship with Karlie. The family lives in inner city Brisbane. A qualified mechanical engineer, Jason has been a fulltime parent over the last year

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19 and a half, playing a supportive role to Karlie throughout the pregnancy. An environmental activist, he undertakes voluntary work for organisations committed to these issues. Mark Mark is in his late forties and works in the hospitality industry. He is the biological father of Peter, aged five and a half years. Peter lives with his biological mother, Audrey, and her partner Joanne. Mark’s relationship with Peter and his mothers is as a co-parent, playing an active role in Peter’s life. They all live in Melbourne. Max Max is 43 years of age. Originally from the United Kingdom, he moved to Australia fifteen months earlier and the family now lives in the Southern suburbs of Brisbane. Max and Laura have been married for 24 years and they have a 17 year-old daughter, Emma, who lives at home and is about to commence university. Max is an information technology consultant in a fulltime management position. These are their stories.

Circumstances and initial response to being a father John I was 24 when Matthew was born. We were married 12 months actually…I was…the Station Master…in a little place in Queensland…He was born at Gladstone Base Hospital. I was over the moon when I found out that Matthew was expected and my mother was over the moon because he was actually the first grandson…Having Matthew was important for the whole family. It’s a big thing because I…was born out of wedlock and my father that reared me, wasn’t my father. I grew up in a big family myself. Every time my mother went to hospital, being one of the eldest I would stay at home and do the cooking and the washing and look after the kids. Jason I was working for a company that makes pushbikes at the time as a trades assistant and…I was going to be going over to East Timor to set up a company there…until Karlie became pregnant…Karlie had been in and out of Brisbane like a lot of the year prior…so we kind of had this

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relationship in fits and starts. She moves around a lot, always has…I was kind of like developing this relationship with Karlie and then we discovered she was pregnant…I was reasonably sure…that she was pregnant because I had observed these changes in her body…it was like a pretty big thing for her…in the years leading up to it, I think…my attitude to things progressively warmed up so it was something which that at the time, I felt pretty ready to take on…She’d been back for about a month or something but it’s kind of like a year since we, I think, first got into the relationship and we’d been kind of writing letters and seeing each other periodically…Both of us potentially could have decided to probably abort or potentially adopt or whatever…but it was kind of,…the framework in which I made the decision was that…I…decided that life should be basically advocated and the question was, is there any compelling reason to not have this child and there wasn’t so then I took that as something I can do. This is my kind of reason why I thought that I should have Rebecca, because she was not being born to circumstances that are going to be unendurable…She’d talked previously about the idea that she’d wanted to be a parent at some stage in her life, and she felt our relationship was fairly solid…I’m guessing that it would have been a kind of an unnatural thing to decide otherwise. Mark I’m a gay male and I’m in…a non-sexual relationship with two lesbians who wished to have a child and I’m a biological father for the child of the two lesbians. It was, um, it was something that I’d not really thought about but, a few years ago a very good friend of mine…was receiving counselling from a friend Joanne, who was in a relationship and she asked him if he knew anybody who would like to be a father for a child that her and her partner wished to have…and somebody who would like to have an active role in bringing up the child rather than an anonymous donor. A friend asked me and…it really sowed a seed in my head and so consequently, I met the girls and we had a three-way date so to speak, and we talked about having a child, the pros and cons, the thoughts, the good things about it, the negatives and where we would want to go with this. We had a number of meetings but we actually immediately clicked and it was very much agreed that I would…have a role as an active father, my son would know me as ‘Daddy’…So

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21 Peter…my son, would be brought up by the two girls and I would actively participate whenever. We signed a sort of, a letter between all of us, basically for Peter when he gets older, where we all agreed that we are doing this and bringing a child into the world for all three of us, as an act of love…So it was not simply a case of donating sperm, thank you very much, wham bam; it was very much done with the love of the child at heart…We were all of the same agreement that we were all caretakers of this child and his soul and we’d, none of us owned this child, and as he grew up he’s free to make his own choices about who he wants to live with and where he wants to live…we discuss his upbringing…they are the 24 hour a day parents and I bow an awful lot to how they bring him up, but as he gets older, the male figure is a very important part of his life. Well I suppose the issue of deciding to be a father was first off, first off I felt extremely comfortable with the girls and they felt extremely comfortable with me, so we passed that barrier…Audrey called and said…she was pregnant. There was a great feeling of, I suppose fear, how it’s actually happened, what have we done? A great feeling of excitement, a great feeling of joy and also the beginnings of, it was not necessarily there before, the commitment side of having the child. There’s a difference between trying to have a child and thinking yes, this is sort of fine, but when you find out there’s a pregnancy, then a lot of different issues come in and you start thinking about what happens, is the baby going to be alright…is it going to be a miscarriage, all sorts of things and I guess all those emotions were totally new to me as it was with the girls as well. Max I was 26 years old when we had Emma. We had been married for six and a half years coming up for seven years. It was quite good; it was really good, but obviously a very worrying time. I guess yes, she was planned, but she wasn’t planned at the time we had her, because my wife fell pregnant with Emma not long after we lost our boy…In that sense I guess it was a subconscious planning, yes we still wanted a child but not necessarily at that time. And it was a difficult time to have one anyway because I was moving positions around the UK so it was hard. Laura needed particular medical attention, my parents lived literally around the corner from where we used to live; they were very supportive

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and helped her out during that time. That was a relief for me, we had an excellent doctor as well, he had seen us through the other pregnancy…And he really, sort of metaphorically, held her hand all the way through that and made sure everything was fine. Even right up to the birth I don’t think we ever really relaxed, there was a lot going on in our lives…unrelated to Emma…which made life very difficult. And then beyond that, when we had actually moved into the South, because I didn’t like Laura being all the way into the North of England while she was literally on the doorstep of having the baby, we moved in with friends down in Surrey…which was again difficult…but it worked out very, very well.

Involvement during the pregnancy John When my wife was pregnant with Matthew, I suppose I was actively involved. I didn’t go to the antenatal classes because Gladstone was 60 mile away and I had to work. She used to drive herself…all the breathing exercises and all the rest of it, I would do with her, practice [at home]. I was there when Matthew was born. It was a difficult birth. They had to use forceps. I was in the labour ward but they chased me out! I think every father should go in there and see what their wives go through. I had tears in my eyes because it was a really long labour and she went through hell and I thought, oh, if this is all about having babies I don’t want to really put her through this again. With Leslie, well I was going to see the whole lot but he arrived here early before I could get to the scene…I found it quite disturbing really. I think I came away with a different attitude towards any lady that bears children because it’s not a bed of roses. And I think to myself, I just felt so helpless, just sitting there, you can’t do anything. Jason We found that the antenatal classes didn’t…change our view of things very much, kind of pretty basic information. Some of it was new…I can’t really remember the experience. I realise in retrospect that I was off on a high and my endorphins and it’s like, so I can’t really convey much of a sense of it.

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23 The whole experience was really challenging because she was kind of two weeks overdue…And so we were really looking for a natural birth but after…two weeks overdue the policy was that you’ve got to go into a labour ward and in addition to that you have to be induced…there’s a list of hippy things that you can do to make your baby come and we’d done all of them and had to wait to see whether or not they’d use the stuff that they smear on the cervix, prostaglandin…so Karlie…had a couple of applications of that and then had to wait for awhile and then another application. And in the meantime I was basically ringing people to try and get a sympathetic doctor who was into natural births. I was just trying to get advice on how we should handle it…The outcome was actually good, we were lucky that the labour ward was full, so that the head of the birthing centre said that’s okay, we’ll just put her in a suite until she’s ready…We were due to have the next stage of the induction…which we knocked back and said we’d have it tomorrow morning. And then…the hospital staff just changed shifts and didn’t come down any more and didn’t know what was going on. In the meantime…Karlie had been having…irregular spasming of the uterus which is painful and exhausting…and that was over about three hours but I was just trying to, you can’t really do much. After a while, Karlie was just really distressed…I was, I just had to be there more for me. That section of time was about three hours…Karlie had dilated six centimetres in two hours so it was incredible, just bang and umm…the midwife basically ran roughshod over the hospital regulations which says you can’t have a water immersion if you’ve been induced…when I came in, Rebecca was engaged, she’d crowned or whatever, I could see the crown when I came in. I’d only been there about twenty minutes and she was born. It was an incredibly effective birth. The experience, everything was again, being on an even keel a profoundly even keel…I guess I felt in receipt of something precious…really my first experience was she was born, Karlie sat down and she had a feed and I just took her and walked around the room with her kind of like looking at her. I was speaking to her and I don’t really know what I said. Karlie reckons it was for about an hour which I don’t think is actually right but it was for quite a long time. She was just looking at me, what seemed to be some sort of bonding. I guess my intention was to engage with her fairly immediately and fairly strongly. This was important because I think

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that’s what one should do with kids, one should engage with them. Karlie was just overjoyed she was just kind of crying a bit and laughing a bit, smiling sort of thing… Mark In actual fact, when Audrey was two months, three months pregnant, they moved up to Brisbane to live and to have the child up in Brisbane…I stayed down in Melbourne and as the birth approached, I hadn’t seen them but was in constant communication. I went up to Brisbane about a week and a half before the birth of Peter to spend time with the girls and also to be there at the birth which was very important so I actually attended the birth…I mean the three of us were very close and so there was not a time when I was not part of the whole pregnancy even though I wasn’t physically there…Audrey wanted a natural birth and I actually did go along to one of the prenatal classes with her and see what it was all about…this one morning it was a case of, I think it started, contractions just started happening. We were going into a birthing centre which was linked to one of the hospitals…and they were understanding of the whole situation and they knew that when Audrey was going into the birthing centre, she would be with her partner, her girlfriend, and I would be there as well. So all along there was no hiding of what the relationship was between all three of us. Labour was very, very long, I think it was at least nine or ten hours at home before finally we went to the birthing centre…late evening I think it was. We took Audrey there and we were all in the birthing centre with the, you know…the Swedish ball and candles were everywhere and the meditation and we were massaging and we had the music going. However, there were complications with Peter, he turned, and Audrey was getting extremely uncomfortable and so she then had to go into the hospital to continue the birthing, so it wasn’t going to be a natural birth without drugs…Audrey had an epidural. I have to say at this time the whole birth and the whole process…I videoed…which in a way sort of took my mind off a lot of things because when you’re looking at things through a lens it can be a little bit detached, you know? So, finally, it was a very long labour, about 26 hours and I think was very close to becoming a caesarean. I think the first amazing thing was seeing this little head appear, this, this mound of a head and going my God, there’s an actual head

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25 happening. I had the video camera on there but didn’t realise that it just doesn’t happen immediately after that and it probably took a good 20 minutes, before, you know with the head getting more and more exposed before the birth of the child. At this stage, I mean we were very fretful of Audrey, she was in a lot of pain; she was very, very tired. The nurses and the doctors were just giving her the most amazing encouragement…Finally then, when the head popped out, and the shoulders popped out and this baby popped out even now it brings tears to my eyes. It was the most amazing experience, you look at, the hands and the feet and you know, you thank God from what you can see you’ve got a perfectly formed baby. It was a baby boy…He was weighed it was very healthy and he looked absolutely beautiful, which is an extraordinary thing because when you look back on photographs it’s the most ugliest thing. This wrinkled thing, but you know, you think how the heck can you possibly think at any stage that that was beautiful! But in the moment of emotion, he was, and still is. And so that was the emotion and I think at that point in time, I realised something…people who are parents and people who don’t have children, there is no way that you can possibly describe to somebody who does not have a child, what it feels like to have a child. No matter what you imagined, there was an emotional turn, which changes you emotionally from being not a father to being a father, from being not a mother to being a mother. That I can’t describe in words, it’s just an emotion. Max We had to plan antenatal classes for weekends and late on Friday evening when I got back from London. We used to have to work around my schedule to try and make that happen. We both very much wanted to do those things together. I very much wanted to be involved with what was happening…Laura started having Emma at about 10.30 in the morning and then she had the baby around 6 o’clock in the afternoon, so about nine hours, which I guess isn’t too bad. Her water broke in the supermarket; she was very popular! She just turned to me and she said, ‘I think we need to go to the hospital now,’ and I said ‘why?’ thinking there was something dreadfully wrong, and she said, ‘I think the baby’s on the way’, ‘okay.’ It was fascinating being present during the birth…we did find that the staff were, I guess doing their job, but somewhat removed from the

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anxiety I guess we were feeling. Having been to that point where we had had a child that was born and then died straight away, right up to the point where you are actually standing with that baby in your arms. I didn’t feel the staff gave us the support and reassurance that we needed that everything was okay. But you still have all that emotional stuff going on, is it going to be fine, is it going to be okay…The actual birth was very good, I think we both found it quite amusing. You get to the point where, you know, relief can be funny and Emma being born obviously is a painful experience, and…she came out and I sort of said that she looked like a walnut. Babies are all wrinkly and everything when they come out but she had this flush of bright orange hair when she born…sort of furry hair and um, I remember when she first came, because I hate babies crying and I remember the first thing I said to her was ‘don’t cry’ and she didn’t. You know this tiny little baby and I suppressed her already! …But it was good, it was very good. I was there for everything, when they were checking her, down to the stitches and everything else. All pretty gory and horrible stuff. At that point you have the baby and you just feel so much more relieved. The distressing thing I find about that procedure is that, and I know why they have to do it, they always take the baby away to check that it is okay that it is healthy, that she doesn’t have two heads or anything weird like this. That’s the point when you actually want the child, particularly from a mother’s point of view. I know Laura actually said this to me, she said all you want to do is actually hold the baby for two minutes and then they can have her. But it is important in those two minutes medically I guess…You know the first thing they do is take your baby away, it doesn’t seem right. But we had about an hour and a half sitting in the delivery suite with the doctors coming in to do the stitching and check that everything was okay before we were moved on to the new born ward. We just had a great time…

Best things for you about being a dad, best memory John Having a family, I think you know, having your own children makes the family. I think it just gives you your own identity, um, being a father. Myself and my wife, we have created our own dynasty with my own two

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27 sons, because you know, I don’t even know who my own father is and it doesn’t worry me. I believe the best memory I suppose was seeing them born fit and healthy and I, when I first went in with my sons, when they were both born, I counted their fingers and toes! They’ll always be special to me… Jason It’s a completely different sort of relationship…I…normally…can reflect on a relationship in a way that seems to be from outside and with Rebecca I can’t do that…I’m trying to get a perspective on it, just it’s a really direct thing…to put value judgements on it is somehow difficult. It’s not good or bad; it’s just really there. Certainly more good than bad…[best memory]…it’s like life sort of thing, no specific time or memory stands out…I think instead of good memories I like to think of, like lying down, going to sleep lying with her sort of, things like that. Mark Having a child, having a child. Each day is different, because I don’t see him every day. Sometimes it might be a couple of weeks and I don’t see him. I notice changes much more than seeing him every day. ... I was amazed at you know, from crawling to walking and motor skills, from not talking to uttering the first words, to speaking and then putting sentences together then comprehending things, it’s total amazement…The best memory is loving memory now with the family, family hugs with the four of us. We, he’s starting to understand that he’s not in a normal family and he has a mummy, he has a daddy, he calls me daddy, but his non-biological mother he calls ‘Deedee’. So we have Mummy, Deedee and Daddy and we’re very strong on having our own identity, our own relationship…he is made to feel that he is very special because he has a ‘Deedee’ and other children don’t have a ‘Deedee’. At school all the books are on mothers and fathers, and ‘Deedee’ is sort of left out and you know he’s questioning. I suppose the exciting thing is when he questions…We are all very much a family group who love each other. The birth was obviously the most outstanding memory. His, reading to him at night time…and two weeks ago he read for the whole school. He was the narrator for the nativity play and you know, at five and a half he read all this in front of about five hundred people with the microphones and, you know, yes, it brings a lump to your throat, very wonderful. It was great, fantastic.

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Max I don’t know, I guess it’s the rewards you get when they achieve something, and along the way you’ve told them what you believe is the important thing to do and the right way to do things. Really that’s the way to do it…Oh God, the day she was born was really important because we had waited so long for the baby to come along that when she appeared, that was just wonderful. And it has been really good with her ever since. Great, very few days when I’ve thought I really don’t like you very much! It’s been more since she’s been older, but I guess that’s part of growing up!

Most difficult things about being a dad, most difficult memory John I think as a parent or as a father, the most difficult thing is trying to get through to your sons what life should be and how. Boys, kids growing up today, it’s changed completely from when I was a young boy. That telling lies will get you nowhere in life and I’ve tried to do that with all my kids. That as a parent I think you hope and pray that they make it and make something of their life…A hard time when as a family I suppose was when, my wife had a hysterectomy and the doctors couldn’t get the hormone balance right. My sons and myself went through hell because of her emotional state. My wife walked out with the two boys…The boys were eight and four, I lived elsewhere…eventually a treatment came along…and it wasn’t until she got that, that things settled down. I was apart from my boys for two months. I found it very hard, it was very distressing. I believe that all kids need two parents. I was never away really because I used to ring every day. Jason There’s kind of been a few times where I’ve been caught with Rebecca being together away from Karlie and she’s been hungry…and she’s become really stressed and things like that. Um, you deal with it by just kind of trying to be confident that she’s going to be okay. You just have to put up with it sort of thing cause beyond a certain point, I can do comforting things for Rebecca but that doesn’t necessarily ensure she’ll get comforted. I think it’s beyond frustrating, I think, there’s something about kind of, like human psychology, that when babies make like

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29 distressed voices, it actually kind of hurts at some level like it’s painful to hear. So the main thing you have to do is like…not respond as you would to another person…I think there’s a temptation to see the baby as doing something intentional…like that’s painful but you have to…say it’s not intentional. When she is distressed it’s okay to say, ‘Okay, like this is now uncomfortable for me as well as Rebecca but we’re both just going to have to get through this.’ Mark The most difficult thing I suppose, now…as he’s getting older is me not being around more than I am. Maintaining a discipline and or respect and educating him in my way, as well as the girls’ ways so he’s an allrounder…I mean I do have to say as well that at the school and everything, everybody knows the situation. So there’s a total honesty which is very important for Peter to be brought up in that environment. But, the difficult things are just the, just keeping a balance…No, there is no memory I have to say, that is very difficult or hurtful. Max Being separated for a while, that was very hard, when she came out to Australia. She was out here six months before I came out, it was more than that. She was 15 years old, a fairly critical time in a young teenage girl’s development and it was a very hard decision for us to make to send her out here. I brought her out here…my wife stayed back in the UK…she needed to be there to sell the house and I came out with Emma on the plane and it was very hard to leave her here. The day I got back on the plane to go back to England was very, very hard, and her being here for 8 months…I guess because the family unit we had at home suddenly wasn’t there any more, we were having a long distance relationship and we have a very good relationship anyway, we talk about everything and anything all the time, we never shut up, and it was just very hard to do that at 15 000 miles between you. That was hard.

What is unique about fathering? John …the mother is the nurturer; the father’s role is to be, you know, to be there to support his family against all odds. It was different when I was

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young. Look at society today…Marriage breakdowns, people in violent relationships or who jump from one relationship to another, instability within the family unit. I think, basically kids are all the same, most of them aren’t born with problems; the problems are created by having no stability with their parents, creating the problems in society. Unfortunately, someone’s got to try and fix it. I think that’s one of the reasons I became a foster father. I always tell people, when you see a kid walking the street at 11 o’clock, think, if you have to go home and see your father drunk and beating your mother, why would you want to go home? Jason It’s interesting, people claim that mothers are better parents or something and I’ve actually heard people say…kind of in euphemistic terms…that they can breast feed and deliver. In my experience it’s actually wrong. I reckon that…breastfeeding mothers, in the eyes of their infant and a lot of mothers I talk to kind of basically end up being ‘milk’…and I’ve seen Rebecca, not that that’s the limit of Rebecca’s relationship with Karlie…I think it’s very difficult for Karlie because Rebecca experiences her as a source of food primarily and that’s something that…will take a while to get over…as Rebecca develops, I can see that…she’ll have a whole other kind of way that will allow her to connect with Karlie in a different way…There probably are [differences] they probably stem from our different characters. Karlie provides more positive emotional stimulus in terms of kind of, laughing. I tend to be more comforting than Karlie and in terms of cerebral things… It’s like fathers are kind of more unambiguously responsible for, particularly for boys, for the introduction of disciplined adults…It’s the negative functions of production of adults…women in my experience…talk differently about the projects of disciplining kids…making them responsible, not selfish or needy, basically all those sorts of things so that they…should be self containing…Maybe what women are trying to do, because their other role is obviously to nurture kids so that kids don’t just die in one sense or another, so what women I guess are trying to do is limit, they’re trying to fundamentally nurture kids and then limit that in ways that, kind of like pruning bushes or something, you kind of nurture your child to grow into a disciplined adult sort of thing.

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31 In terms of how it’s presented, I think the father is primarily disciplinarian. As a father, I think you don’t have an obligation to nurture your child, your primary obligation is to discipline. Mark I think it might be different whether it’s a son or a daughter, about the relationship. I’d be very interested to see how I’d be feeling if I had a daughter as opposed to a son…Look, mothering is unique from fathering in the fact that it came out of the mother and…the physical experience and that bond and that connection. That makes the uniqueness because the fathering cannot be that, it’s fathering is the sperm which has the genetics and characteristics of the father but it…didn’t come out of me physically and I think that a father can therefore, probably be, maybe a bit more detached if need be. Again, I think that’s very hard to say because in my own experience, I’m certainly not detached from him, but perhaps I don’t feel the emotions that Audrey feels. Max The opportunity for fathers to have a closeness with their children, particularly daughters that mothers can’t have. There’s a biological link between mothers and children. If you have boy children you have the chance to become mates and chums and you know, if you’re interested in the same stuff, even better. With daughters, there’s a much closer, there’s a much more loving relationship more openly loving relationship. You know, my daughter’s 17 and she still walks down the street holding my hand for goodness sakes!…it’s automatic, it’s just what she’s always done…There’s a different bond between fathers and daughters I’m sure, but I think it’s an acquired bond, it’s a developed bond. You have to work at it, and I have, but not consciously thought I think I have to work at this, it’s just something that came naturally to do.

What does being a father mean? John Well, figure of authority I suppose, not so much authority but, feeling of pride, being a father and now I’m a grandfather…Among all my brothers and sisters, these grandchildren of mine are the first ones in

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the family and that actually have grandparents from both sides. I feel really proud now. My two sons are really closer to me now than they were. They’ve got my sense of humour and they’ve got my values of what life is…One word that describes fathering for me is ‘pride’. Jason Can’t answer the question because I don’t really have a need to interpret it as a moral issue…Caring for a child is not fundamentally different to caring for anybody. They have different needs but so does everybody else. Not everyone knows how to care for a child because they haven’t had the experience. I guess it is basically…about engaging rather than anything else. It’s about looking at people asking them things and asking yourself things, what is wrong for this person, what do they need, what do I need…basically being observant and open and critical of your own resources, all of those sort of things…It’s about being flexible and open rather than about anything else. I tend to use the word parent but my reasons are political ones…I want to get people out of…thinking about things in terms of gender roles…I have no attachment to it at all. I see my role in Rebecca’s life as standing in front of my particularities as a person. The fact that I’m male might be significant but it’s probably only passingly so, it’s incidental. It’s much more significant that like, I have a set of skills, I have certain attitudes. It’s my uniqueness as an individual more so than my maleness. Mark For me to be a dad, um I feel very proud, I love walking along the street with my son. I love hearing his little voice shout out from a distance ‘Daddy’, running to me and jumping at me with legs and arms in the air, knowing full well that I’m going to catch him…also being a dad was a very, sort of strange time for me in the fact that when Peter was born, my mother died…The baby was born in April of 1997 and in the…June of ’97 I went back to England and nursed my dad for three months. He passed away in the August. So I lost both parents, and became, as we always do, no matter what age, an orphan…Well because Peter was born in between that I had a connection and a lifeline…it didn’t stop with me…I wasn’t alone. Peter was my lifeline to carry on my blood, my parents’ blood and sort of timing of that was extremely special and again, I felt very lucky and privileged to have a child. I could not imagine not having a child.

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33 Max Career is fine but it’s not the important thing in life…I was career focused for my family. You do those things because you have a family, because you want a better lifestyle for them. I’ve never done anything for a lifestyle for me, it’s always been for the lifestyle for them…but the real value of life and the real value of living is actually the relationships you have with people, it’s that interaction you have with people. You can have all the money in the world, but if you’re sitting in your castle with nobody around, is that really what you want? I want relationships that last, hopefully if you get it right, hopefully. The achievement, you know the most important thing is the achievement of building that relationship.

Conclusion These fathers’ stories reflect the diversity of their experiences and expectations. Whatever their unique circumstances and experiences, what emerges are their positive feelings about being a father. Each of the four fathers describes varying levels of involvement in the pregnancy and birth of their child due to their specific circumstances, particularly work commitments. What clearly comes across for each man is his desire to be involved in the pregnancy and delivery. Each of the fathers described the birth of their child or children as strongly moving and emotional. In commenting on the best things about being a father, their words reflect that having a child has given them a sense of completeness, often expressed as feeling they became a family only when the first child arrived. There is also an intense feeling of joy expressed through some of their descriptions of watching their own child grow and develop and in being able to play a unique role in that growth and development. Interestingly, the ‘most difficult’ aspects these men mentioned were not associated with something the child had done, but rather how they, as fathers, experienced being able to fulfil their own expectations of being a father to their child. When talking about the unique aspects of fathering, all these men indicated that they thought that they felt different as fathers to the way

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the child’s mother felt as a mother. Some reflected traditional notions of mother as nurturer and father as provider of support, protection, discipline and teaching. The exception was the youngest father, Jason, who felt that his experiences as father were strongly linked to his unique characteristics as a person as much as the fact that he was a male. The sense of pride in being a father comes through strongly too. But perhaps the most poignant theme relates to the repeated references in these men’s stories to the significance placed on the relationship they have with their child or children. For some, this comes across as the single most important aspect of their lives, indeed, almost what they live for. I knew that this little thing that had arrived in our life needed protecting and looking after and it was my responsibility to feed it, protect and care for it…it wasn’t even a conscious thought, it just happened, you know if your child is hurting or upset about something you just automatically go to them and cuddle them and deal with their needs. (Max)

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CHAPTER 3

Fathers: exploring the voices of children and young people Sue Howard, Pamela Curtin and Fotina Hardy

BIOGRAPHY As Manager of the Research Unit in the Queensland Commission for Children and Young People, Sue Howard was responsible for developing and executing the Commission’s Focus on Fathering Project. She has carried out a range of activities promoting the wellbeing of children and young people, including research projects and research forums. Sue has degrees in Arts and Education and her research for her Masters of Philosophy involved an ethnographic study of parent involvement in the development of Human Relationships Education programs in schools. Sue’s previous positions have been in education, primarily related to social justice issues and student welfare, but also the professional development of staff and curriculum and test development. Sue has lectured at Griffith University, Gold Coast cam-pus in Communication Studies, and in Education courses in Human Development, and Teaching–Learning Processes. Pamela Curtin has consulted on a number of research projects and published in various areas relating to children and young people. In recent years Pamela has worked with the Queensland Government, Griffith University and UNESCO. She has a Masters in Education and is currently based in South America where she is teaching. Fotina Hardy’s career has spanned over 20 years in the service industry, both in the government and non-government sectors. With a Masters of Commerce (Org Beh & Mktg) and a Bachelor of Social Work, she is currently studying for her Professional Doctorate. Fotina’s background is in client service, research, program management and evaluation, organisational change and development, and marketing, and includes a strong management focus. Her clinical experience has focused on children and families.

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Introduction Literature searches reveal very few studies that explore children and young people’s views of fathering. It seems that there is a significant gap in terms of raw data from the younger generation who are pivotal in the debate about the importance of fathers, the children themselves. The Queensland Commission for Children and Young People is aware of the body of research that demonstrates the link between strong familial relationships and productive and fulfilling adult citizenship, and hence has a strong interest in parenting issues. As society has undergone rapid change in recent years, we are seeing an increasing recognition of: • the importance of healthy relationships; • the effects of domestic and family violence on children, whether as witnesses or victims; and • the costs to men, women, children, families and society of problematic relationships. Given these circumstances, the relationships between men and their children are of special interest. Hence, from 2000–2, the Commission for Children and Young People undertook a specific initiative to raise awareness and inform public debate on contemporary fathering issues, and to promote appropriate fathering and positive fathering skills. The initiative comprised a number of strategies, including a survey of a group of fathers, discussed in chapter 1 of this book, and a Father’s Day Competition. This chapter will give the background to the competition and then provide an analysis of the entries. First, however, it will look at the reasons for undertaking such an activity.

Why children and young people’s voices? The Commission for Children and Young People Act 2000 (Queensland) specifies that the Commissioner must: consult with children in ways that promote their participation in decision making by the Commissioner listen to, and seriously consider, the concerns, views and wishes of children (s18)

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Underpinning this legislation is the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child (UNCROC). Article 12 identifies the need for children’s views to be heard. It states that: State parties shall assure to the child who is capable of forming his or her own views the right to express those views freely in all matters affecting the child, the views of the child being given due weight in accordance with the age and maturity of the child…

The Commission’s activities include children and young people wherever appropriate and practicable. Hence, in exploring the issue of fathering, it was natural that the Commission would seek the views of young people. An examination of the existing research supported this approach. When we stand back and look at this research, what is largely missing are the voices of children themselves. It is one thing for present-day adults to reflect back on what things were like when they were children, but to understand father–child relationships today, we need to also hear the views of those who are now children. All too often, researchers or respondents speak for children, but as Berry Mayall (1996, p.1) questions: If one is not a child, can one and should one attempt to understand and convey what children’s experiences are?…Researching children and childhood can look like and often has looked like the study of a strange tribe, of non-persons, on whom, however, great hopes are based, as the next generation of adults.

Giving children a ‘voice’ ‘means more than recording their views; it means attending to them and taking them seriously. Until recently, children as reporters and witnesses have tended to be excluded from empirical research studies, which have instead used mothers as informants on their children’ (Mayall, 1996, pp. 12–13). In the early 1990s, some research was carried out with North American children and young people about their perceptions of families (Kurdek & Fine, 1993), divorce (Horm-Wingerd, Groves & Nekovei, 1992), and perceived closeness to their fathers (Smith & Morgan, 1994). Two recent studies seeking the views of children about fathering provide some interesting results. Russell and his colleagues (Department of Family and Community Services, 1999) included the views

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of 182 children about their fathers in family life. They used children’s drawings to explore how fathers are constructed to obtain a better picture of the ‘basic social arrangements’ of families. This method was chosen as there is a strong tradition in families of visually recording family activities through photographs and videos and also because it is recognised that children’s drawings reflect their experiences of the world to the point that they are sometimes used as diagnostic tools. The New Zealand study, the Fathers Who Care: Partners in Parenting Children’s Views (Hendricks, 1999), used a range of methods including drawings, semi-structured interviews, story writing and focus group discussions to see how children of different ages view fathers’ roles and responsibilities. Some children identified ‘okay’ and ‘not okay’ characteristics of fathers. Generally, across all ages, there was an awareness of potential influences on fathers’ behaviour, including factors affecting fathers’ emotions and factors restricting their ability to spend more time with their children. The Economic and Social Research Council (ESRC), Children 5–16 research program in the UK (1995–2001) comprised 22 linked research projects, which indicated that children have a desire to participate and have a voice in decision making (Prout, 2002). They want a voice that is not tokenistic or limited to marginally important issues. Moreover, it is clear that children and young people have a ‘standpoint’, and from this position, social life looks different (Prout, 2002). For example, in the work by Christensen (2000, quoted in Prout, 2001), children’s views of family and quality time provide an interesting contrast to the views and assumptions of adults. We argue that adding children’s voices and views to social research enriches our understanding by providing a further, important dimension, without which our understanding would be incomplete (Prout, 2001; 2002). However the increased inclusion of children and young people requires overcoming widespread beliefs that children and young people are incapable of contributing to public debate (Prout, 2001). Therefore, for children’s voices to be heard, there needs to be a change in how we perceive and construct childhood. The Queensland Commission for Children and Young People is working actively to encourage such change.

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Background to the competition The Father’s Day Competition, undertaken by the Queensland Commission for Children and Young People in 2000 invited children and young people from around Queensland to share their views about their father(s) or those they consider to take a fathering role in their lives. This strategy was designed to raise community awareness of positive fathering behaviours. It was also anticipated that it could serve as an opportunity for meaningful conversations between the children involved and their fathers or father figures. Queensland school students were invited to ‘tell us about the important and valuable role of fathers in the lives of children’.1 They could share their views about their dad, someone like a dad to them or someone else’s dad, either in written form or through artistic entries. Competition details were provided on the Commission’s website and on Generate, the young people’s website hosted by the State Office of Youth Affairs. A flyer promoting the competition was widely distributed throughout Queensland – to primary and secondary schools, through the Families, Youth and Community Care Queensland display at the Brisbane Exhibition, and at the Indigenous Croc Eisteddfod at Weipa. Entries were divided into four school year level categories: Years 1–3; Years 4–7; Years 8–10 and Years 11–12, and judged according to the following criteria: • how well each entry promoted and celebrated father’s contributions to the community • originality • creativity The panel of judges included a representative from the Queensland Commission for Children and Young People; sponsor representatives; a representative from Arts Queensland; Indigenous people; and young people. Prizes were awarded for a literary entry and an art entry in each age category. Winners received a prize for their school and their nominated father figure.

1 From the Father’s Day Competition entry form

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Analysis of the types of entries, comments made by children and young people in relation to their perceptions of fathers and fathering, and issues raised was then undertaken by the Research Unit in the Commission. Common themes were identified and categorised, and analysed. The remainder of this chapter consists of a discussion of this.

The entries One thousand, four hundred and forty-nine entries were received from 102 schools across Queensland in 2000. Sixty-three were state primary, 13 were primary with religious affiliations, nine were colleges (P–12) and eight were state secondary schools. The Years 1–3 bracket represented 50 per cent of all entries, followed by Years 4–7 with 41 per cent. Hence, the themes identified below are greatly influenced by the younger population. The fathers or father figures referred to by the children and young people participating in the competition included biological and nonbiological fathers, grandfathers, friends, other family members including brothers, uncles, aunties, mothers and sisters. Of those identified as non-biological fathers, 21 were grandfathers, nine were uncles and five stepfathers. Not all students indicated whether they were referring to a biological father, a stepfather or a father figure. Entries were characterised by their diversity and creativity. They included letters and cards addressed to the father with messages, words of love and appreciation; descriptions of the father or father figure; and illustrations of their father or father figure at work or play, usually in relation to the participant. Poetry, particularly acrostic poems, made up 112 of the 1,449 entries, and several essays spoke of the ‘role of fathers’ in present day society. Many older students adopted this approach, as in the case of a high school English class and an upper secondary home economics class. Creative writing entries included a description of the ‘recipe for making a perfect father’; a fictitious journal entry of a young woman in another era writing about her father at war; and a science fiction story about a boy rescuing his father from another planet. A large number of entries submitted from the primary school level appeared to be teacher-directed activities. This was apparent in written

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themes and particularly in artwork. Junior classes presented series of collages using paints and other materials, such as wool, to illustrate ‘Dad’ and ‘Dad and Me’. Year 1 students focused largely on the family, an activity that could be linked with the Queensland Year One Studies of Society and the Environment curriculum. Year 2–7 students were also involved in whole class activities: portraits using crayon and paint wash; hand prints with magazine cut-outs of ‘things Dad likes’; posters and class booklets. Junior school girls’ work was often decorated with rainbows, hearts, flowers and butterflies, while the boys’ work tended to illustrate an activity with their father. Other entries included 3D cubes, a quilt with father and child images, an audio recording of students singing and a life-size mannequin.

Interpretation of the entries Interpreting this vast and diverse range of material from participants across the P–12 spectrum was a complex task. It is difficult to analyse artistic artefacts as they are open to a wide range of interpretations. However, descriptions regarding the style of presentation and image portrayed were noted. Written entries incorporated a range of genres but themes were more explicit and hence easier to classify. It was impossible to do an accurate count of themes according to the number of children whose work reflected each because some entries were whole class entries with number of students not specified. This also affected analysis of the data in terms of disaggregating by gender or age. The influence of the process and context in which the children and young people participated needs to be considered in interpreting the results. The invitation on the entry form to ‘tell us about the great contribution that fathers make to the community and win a prize’ no doubt influenced what the students chose to highlight. Further, the process of writing for an unknown audience could provide some participants with a sense of anonymity, potentially allowing them to speak out about issues that worry them, as some appeared to do. However, undertaking this task in a classroom, in front of peers and their teacher, would also no doubt have had an effect.

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Father’s Day is considered a celebration, a time to appreciate and promote fathers.2 This may have influenced some of the entries with those who sought to justify and idealise their fathers, while silencing those who do not have a father, or who have problematic relationships with their father and do not know how, or do not wish, to discuss these feelings. Another more obvious issue was the competitive element. It is difficult to ascertain the extent to which the children and young people were motivated by a desire to win and the effect this might have had. Various entries explicitly mentioned the competitive factor through statements like ‘I hope you liked my letter’ (Year 6–7 girl). It is interesting to note that many of the entries used superlative terms to describe their father, terms like ‘the best’, ‘super dad’ and ‘my hero’. This could have been in an effort to prove their father worthy of winning the competition, or merely a reflection of the Father’s Day context, a time to celebrate fatherhood. As one girl wrote: My dad is the best And everyone else’s is less So don’t say mine Is mad And don’t say he’s ever sad Because he’s always a dad. (Year 5 girl)

and I think he’s getting better by the day and will become a great dad and the best. (Year 4–5 boy)

In terms of style, the effort by teachers to situate the competition within the mainstream curriculum may have limited students rather than encouraged them to use their creativity and respond freely. This was most apparent where entries appeared to be directed by a specific writing or drawing task. An example was students from a Year 2 class who described their father according to name initial: My dad’s name is Colin. Colin is Cute and Cuddly. My dad’s name is Scott. Scott plays Sony Play Station. 2 Throughout the rest of this chapter, the term ‘fathers’ refers to father figures as identified by the child or young person.

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My Dad’s name is Tommy. Tommy does Tremendous Things. My Dad’s name is Ronnie. Ronnie is Rich. My Dad’s name is Joe. Joe likes to eat Jam.

Common themes Most written entries included more than one theme, as well as related issues. Forty-five themes were initially identified. This section will discuss four of the major themes and three which were not so common but which provide particular insights: • • • • • • •

Sharing time with dad; Father’s work; Father qualities; Love and affection; Non-resident fathers; Relationship issues; Fathers as role models.

Sharing time with Dad Sharing time and activities with their father was a common theme for nearly one third of all primary school entries, expressed both in written and illustrated entries and for just over one third of entries overall. A large number of the drawings submitted showed ‘me and dad’ playing or sharing an activity together. He tickles me, he plays with me and he helps me…I like it when dad takes me to football. I like dad working at the butcher. I like it when dad hugs me. I like it when dad reads to me. (Year 1 boy) Even though dad may be very tired after working for long periods he always makes an effort to take me playing golf, to soccer, camping and fishing when he has days off. We also wrestle and fight and dad taught me how to drive the ride-on mower…Even though I hate homework, my dad listens to me read, hears my tables and spelling. (Year 5 boy)

The importance attached to fathers having time to spend with their children is clear in the following entries:

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I love my dad for working so hard but still having time to play with me. (Year 4–7 boy) He works hard but still makes time for me. He asks for time off to be with me. (Year 4–7 girl)

A small number of entries indicated a desire to spend more time with their father: I don’t get to see my dad that much. I wish he had more time. Even though I get to see him every day, I still wish he had more time…He is such a busy dad because he has jobs to do like mowing the lawn… (Year 4–7 girl)

Father’s work Some teachers, particularly of Years 1–3, asked students to focus on ‘dad’s job’. Father’s work was mentioned in just under one quarter of entries, and themes of strong work ethics and father as provider were common across all age groups. This can perhaps be seen to have been influenced by traditional concepts of father as ‘breadwinner’. Some of the comments include: I love my dad because he drives trains and he helps the people to get to other places… (Year 1 boy) All dads are important because they work to get you money or you will starve. (Year 3 girl) He’s a good bloke because he goes to work even when it’s a cold or a hot day. (Year 4 boy) My dad always works hard for us to be sheltered, fed, comfortable and schooled. I think he does very well to do all this for his 7 children. He is the best dad ever! (Year 5 girl) My dad works really hard to try and keep us afloat without him we’d be scared unable to buy a coat. (Year 8 girl)

Some students spoke about how much they liked being part of their father’s working life: My dad is an electrician and he lets me ride in his van. He takes me to the houses needing wiring on the weekend. I help him. I pass him all the tools he needs… (Year 4/5 boy)

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For some of the participants, the issue of the amount of time their fathers spent at work was an issue. This was raised in terms of never seeing their fathers ‘because they’re always at work’. Works full time so he can never come to sports days or anything like that. (Year 5 girl) My dad is a hard worker and is always out working and hardly at home. (Year 9 boy)

Father qualities Most of the entries referred in some way to qualities that their father possessed, often referring to recent specific events. The younger children tended to refer to physical characteristics and drew on concrete aspects of their father’s appearance or particular actions: He is a great big growly smiler. (Pre-school girl) He likes red lollies, walking and only buying things on the shopping list…My dad makes me laugh sometimes and he makes himself laugh too. (Year 1 boy) My dad likes killing cockroaches. (Year 2 girl) The best dad I’ve ever had. He has a mobile phone and eats vegetables. (Year 3 girl)

Other frequently mentioned qualities included: being actively involved in the community; helping out at home; making things; fixing things; and having sporting talents. Some entries referred to their father’s hobbies, his abilities or talents. Some of the entries referred to acts indicating that their father was a responsible person or helpful in some way: When Mum goes to work he cleans the whole house up and when Mum gets home the house is clean and Mum is really happy. (Year 4 girl)

Not surprisingly, having fun with dad was rated highly rated: …My sisters and I enjoy being with dad because he’s fun and always finds a way to make dull moments fun and exciting… (Year 6 girl)

Other highly rated qualities included ‘generosity’, especially ‘he gives me money’, and ‘helping me’. Keeping promises, being there when family

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members are sick, having a happy disposition and being caring, supportive and encouraging were also valued traits: Overacts when I’m good…never mad, always happy…puts up with me. (Year 8 boy) He cheers me on at netball and makes my team feel proud. (Year 4–7 girl) My sister…has cerebral palsy so spends a lot of time in a wheelchair, dad is very helpful with her. He likes to spend a lot of time with her as he can, because even though she can run with a walker, she’s not as fast as me. (Year 4–7 boy)

Children sometimes indicated they liked their dad because of things they had in common. Older participants reflected an increasing sophistication in their insights into human nature, as can be seen from the following entry: My dad wasn’t always the man he was today. He came to be like this by learning from his mistakes, going from job to job, smoking over a pack of cigarettes a day, not eating right and he was an alcoholic. He was always moody and not pleasant to be around. But now I’m glad to say he’s changed. Your dad would have to play one of the most important roles in your life… (Year 11 girl)

Love and affection The phrase ‘I love dad because…’ was common in the entries, and could have been an opening supplied by some teachers. Both girls and boys spoke freely about loving their father. Many of the girls in the middle primary age group illustrated their work with hearts and flowers, using emotional phrases such as: ‘The man of my dreams’, and, ‘He is that bright shine. He is my light.’ I love my dad because he makes me happy when I am sad. (Year 6 girl)

The boys tended to use more specific descriptions: I love my dad because he tells me stories. He mashes the potatoes for mum and cleans up. (Year 1 boy) He is very tall and he needs to lose some weight and he needs to go to the gym but I love him far more than the stars. (Year 2 boy) I love my dad very much because he never yells and never hurts me, even when I do something wrong… (Year 5 boy)

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Fathers were often spoken of as loving and caring and doing special things for children to make them feel appreciated: I can trust you because you take care of me. (Year 2 girl) He brings lots of love into the family. (Year 4 girl)

Interestingly, the phrase ‘I love dad’ was mentioned more frequently than ‘dad loves me’. The best thing about my dad is that he likes me a lot. (Year 2 boy) My dad is kind and sometimes provides for the family. He loves us very much. (Year 4 girl – lives separately from her father and sees him on holidays only) He loves me with the bottom of his heart. Every minute of my life he loves me. The minutes I am with him I will treasure…He wants to provide us with the things we need. I know I cannot afford the things we want so we just do with the things we need because dad works too hard anyway. That makes him as special as anyone could get. I love him and he surely loves me. (Year 8 girl)

These entries are indicative of the strong theme of affection between children and their fathers that emerged. The theme of being proud of their father was evident among some of the entries, particularly those of the older aged participants: When I become a Dad I will be just like my dad and always care for my son/daughter. (Year 9 boy)

Non-resident fathers Although a very small proportion of the entries referred to the child’s father as absent, they provide a rich insight into some of the feelings that children can experience. Common themes were: • adjusting to change; • missing their father; and • coping with rejection. The following entries reflect the varied emotions that children and young people feel as a result of separation and divorce:

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I love my dad very much but I never see him anymore. (Year 3 girl) We sleep over at his house on Saturday nights and have a great time. I write notes to dad saying I love him. When mum and dad fight he always says sorry after. We have bad times, sad times, funny times and happy times. (Year 5 girl) He said that day that he loved me and that it was not me that made him leave. But now I think why did he leave me if he loves me. All I know now is that my mum loves me a lot and she will always love me and never leave me…My dad is now with another family and I am sure he loves them too as well as he loves me. I will always remember my dad and will always love him but I miss him. He always used to take me places and spend lots of time with me and I wish he could spend some more time with me. So now my mum can do just as well and be a mum and dad and love me more than dad so I don’t feel left out. The kids at school talk a lot about their fathers but then I say well I don’t have a dad but I have a mum who does just as good as a father. (Year 7 girl) I love my dad to death. My dad is loving towards me. I live with my mum. My mum and dad had fights all the time so mum moved…Mum asked my sister, brother and I to live with her. My sister said no, my brother said no, but I said yes because no one would live with her. I miss my dad…(Year 8 boy) Because my dad left my mum…when I was three, I have always considered my pop to be the closest thing to a father. Every Father’s Day, I make Pop a ‘Happy Pop’s Day’ card and I give him a kiss and a hug. My pop is my male hero…Pop always helps me when I need it…Most people believe that a family needs to have a father. If my dad had stuck around, he would have been picking fights with Mum, because that’s the kind of person he is. During my lifetime (13 years, 8 months), I have probably seen him for a total of about 5 years. Some Dad. Not everyone needs a Dad to survive. I don’t have one, but I’m still perfectly fine. Mum provides me with all the essential items in life: clothes, food, a home and most importantly, love. It’s all there. We may not live in the most expensive home, but I still have my Mum, Nana and Pop. (Year 9 girl) You’re not around You don’t call and you don’t write I hate it when I don’t hear from you Some music makes me think of you It also makes me cry I feel rejected I feel alone

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Sometimes I wonder if you still care I have others…except… I can’t bear[it] without you here. (Year 11 girl)

These entries of children living apart from their fathers very vividly describe the emotional pain, the sense of abandonment and loss experienced by some. They also reflect a sense of trying to understand and almost of trying to normalise their situation.

Relationship issues Older children were more likely to discuss relationship issues with their fathers, highlighting the complexity involved. Father’s Day Annoying Tormenting Helping out Enjoying Restless Silent Dominating Aging Yearly dad (Teenager, specific age unknown) …My clothes are different to yours I know my room is sometimes a dump The music I play is not your favourite My life is so dramatic My school marks need big improvement …I’m growing as tall and strong as you I look to you for advice… (Year 8–9 English class group poem) Dad, I know I don’t always show the respect I hold for you for your contributions and the many things you do I’d like to take this opportunity… You might think that things are awkward between you and me and although we mightn’t talk for hours at once the things you do say, are profound for me… Dad I want to drive now I’ve got my L’s and amid the throbbing beat of your fearful heart

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you heard yourself say,’ sure, I guess, why not?’ and took me driving around the K-Mart parking lot it’s these things you do every day, every night, every year that in moments like this, right now, right here makes me feel so sentimental, as my stinging eyes begin to tear. (Year 12 boy, poem excerpts)

Some participants expressed a longing for their relationship with their father to be different. These again reflect the complexity involved in the relationship together with some of the emotions and hurt experienced: I wish I had the perfect dad. I wish I had the perfect one who would let me stay up all night. Why does Raquel have the perfect dad? Why not me? Raquel’s dad does everything she wants him too [sic]…(Year 7 girl) The ideal father to me would be one who loved you no matter what you did or said, loved you unconditionally, and wasn’t afraid to show it or full of pride to say ‘I love you’… I would like my father to be able to talk to me no matter how old I am. I would like to be able to talk to him and be able to feel comfortable about bringing my problems to him. I would like for my father to be totally honest with me and to be able to tell me when he has a problem with what I am doing, a person I am seeing, a friend, or just something that I do… I would like for my father to be able to attend things that mean something to me, and if he knows that he won’t be able to, to have the honesty to be able to tell me that he isn’t able to attend. I want my father to be able to tell me when he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. Most of all, I want him to be a father to me. (Year 11 boy) I wish I had the sort of dad Who never treated me bad The promises he made to me I wish he would keep He never tells me anything Unfortunately things are still the same Why do I let myself play these games I don’t have a dad My life is a mess Why does he treat me like this I’ll give you only one guess No matter what I said

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He’d hit me in the head No matter how hard I try He’d always make me cry I feel so empty, I feel so down Why does he treat me like I am a clown Sometimes I’d cry myself to sleep And feel the hurting that is so deep My brain says I’ve forgiven him My heart says I’ve not I ask him what I’ve done so wrong He never told me, he would just go on I hate the way he treats me But I’m scared to do a thing Why me What did I do I just wish it wasn’t true. (Year 11 girl)

Fathers as role models Some entries reflected traditional stereotypes of fathers. This is demonstrated by some of the earlier quotes about father’s work and qualities and is reflected in the following entry. Fathers do all the constructive work all fathers are good to you fathers like tools for birthdays etc. fathers are normally strong every dad should give you things roses are not the type of flower for me. (Year 6 girl) …I believe fathers play an important role in the upbringing of their children. Although they aren’t as traditionally close and personal as mothers are, they provide an image – an influence. Some of my earliest memories revolve around my father. He was someone I used to look up to, respect. I believe a fatherly image of some sort is instrumental in a child’s upbringing, even if the fatherly person is not the child’s paternal father. (Year 11 boy)

Other entries however, demonstrated an understanding of changing gender relationships and roles, or challenged traditional stereotypes:

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The role of fathers is going through an evolving period. I’m sure fathers are getting to their kids more and more. In the past times fathers were not taking much involvement in kids. (Year 6 boy) Generally fathers are required for their constant supply of ‘life’. Still known as protectors their job requirements have expanded to include performing any household task, as well as childcare where required. ‘Paternity leave’ available through employment shows society’s recognition of this. These recent changes in ‘male’ behaviour have even baffled scientists. Maybe the rate of change has caught everyone out!! (Year 12 girl)

The following entries identified the different roles a father and mother can play: A son’s confidante, mate and hero A daughter’s protector, friend and stubborn guardian. (Year 10 girl) What makes fathers so szpecial is that they’re different to your mother. They teach you different things. This helps you through life. (Year 7 girl)

Conclusion When children and young people are provided with an opportunity to express their views, they can provide us with valuable information about their thoughts and feelings and the way they experience the world. To date, this important dimension has been lacking in our understanding and construction of what it means to be a father and what children want from their fathers. This is also true for children’s views on mothers. To this end, the Father’s Day competition provides some very important and emotive insights into what our children and young people are feeling. However, the limitations of the project need to be considered in any attempt to analyse or interpret the entries. Whilst the Father’s Day Competition was not intended to be a research project, and in spite of the limitations discussed earlier, the results indicate the wealth of information and valuable insights that asking children and young people for their perspectives can provide. Accordingly, it is suggested that these voices need to be included as part of any ongoing research into fathers and fathering, if we are to obtain as complete an understanding as possible.

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The most significant theme emerging from the entries is that children and young people want a fun, loving and nurturing relationship with a father or father figure who values and makes time for them and demonstrates their importance to him. The following comment reflects the overriding theme about the importance of ‘dad’ for many of the participants: …my sisters and I enjoy being with dad because he’s fun and always finds a way to make dull moments fun and exciting…There’s lots of good things about my dad but I don’t think I would know how to put them into words. I think everyone who has a dad should consider themselves lucky and should be proud. Who cares if your dad can’t buy expensive things like other dads, it’s the little things that count. Like the way he struggles to plait your hair, or tell you where babies come from. And the way he tickles you until you have tears in your eyes. I don’t know what I would do without my dad. He is special to me. (Year 6 girl)

References Department of Family and Community Services (1999). Fitting Fathers into Families: Men and the Fatherhood Role in Contemporary Australia. Canberra: Department of Family and Community Services. Hendricks, A. K. (1999). Fathers Who Care: Partners in Parenting, Children’s Views on Fathering. New Zealand: Office of the Commissioner for Children and Save the Children. Horm-Wingerd, D., Groves, M., & Nekovei, D. (1992). Children from divorced and intact homes: Similarities and differences in perceptions of family. Child Study Journal, 22(3), 185–200. Kurdek, L., & Fine, M. (1993). The relation between family structure and young adolescents’ appraisals of family climate and parenting behaviour. Journal of Family Issues. 14(2), 279–90. Mayall, B. (1996). Children, Health and the Social Order. Buckingham England: Open University Press. Prout, A. (2001). Representing children: Reflections on the children 5–16 programme. Children and Society, 15, 193–201. Prout, A. (2002). Researching children as social actors: An introduction to the children 5–16 programme. Children & Society, 16, 67–79.

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Shier, H. (2001). Pathways to participation: Openings, opportunities and obligations: a new model for enhancing children’s participation in decision-making, in line with Article 12.1 of the United Nations Convention on the rights of the child. Children & Society, 15, 107–17. Smith, H., & Morgan, S.P. (1994). Children’s closeness to father as reported by mothers, sons, and daughters: Evaluating subjective assessments with the Rasch Model. Journal of Family Issues, 15(1), 3–29. United Nations (1990). United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

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CHAPTER 4

Fathers: important, unique or uniquely important? Ron Frey

BIOGRAPHY Ron Frey lectures on gender and sexuality at the Queensland University of Technology. He is currently completing PhD studies at the University of Queensland on the nature of masculinity, and has recently completed a research project with the STTAR program on how different cultures treat children who have disabilities. He also maintains on-going interests in the effects of childhood trauma and the prevention of child abuse, and in children’s rights, and is currently writing on the understanding of severe physical discipline in crosscultural settings.

Introduction The purpose of this chapter is to inquire into the type of parenting men can do with children. It stems from a deep fear of my own, that, in promoting a role for men in parenting that is quite different from the role women play in parenting, men are staking their ongoing involvement with children on ideological and theoretical concerns rather than on the concrete, practical, daily contributions they make to their children’s lives. My fear is that, by insisting that males make a contribution that only males can make to children’s lives (that is, a totally unique contribution), we risk, in light of evidence of the differences between men and women as parents, making ourselves irrelevant to our children’s lives. I am also concerned that some men may feel their mere presence in a family makes such a unique contribution to their children’s lives, that no

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more is actually required of them than to provide the physical presence of a male in the family. And I am very concerned that some men (and some women) take the view that the mere physical presence of a man in the family is sufficient to counter any abusive behaviour on the part of that male, often summarised in statements such as ‘I know we should leave him, but the kids need their father.’ I intend to present a case that the contribution males can and should make to their children’s development is precisely the same contribution that females make to their children’s development, which is the daily ongoing care and nurturing of a human life. This position diverges from much of the acceptable wisdom on the nature of fathering, which is conceived as an activity different from mothering, and different even from parenting. I contend that much of our current ‘common sense’ about fathering is derived from theory, particularly as articulated in several classic theories of human development, rather than from evidence, and can be disputed by exposing the nature of its theoretical underpinning. At a time when family structures vary more than ever, not all children will spend their childhood years in families with both a male parent and a female parent present. Whether the adults who do nurture these children also need to inflict large measures of guilt upon themselves for not being able to provide the optimal family situation for their children has become a practical problem for our society, and a potentially complicating factor that might make a difficult family situation worse. In insisting that men are as capable caregivers to children as women, I am presenting a position that values, and I hope encourages, the abilities of men to make the highest and noblest contributions to their children’s lives. Finally, I present this position for the reader’s consideration, in the hopes that it will contain something to recommend it and with the recognition that the more traditional position, which admits of unique contributions made by parents of each gender, and has the support of the common sense of at least our Western culture is not being given the full consideration here it deserves. I have no doubts, however, that other chapters in this book will have properly considered the traditional position, and that the reader has the opportunity to consider a range of ideas relating to men and parenting.

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Three terms I have chosen three terms to represent standpoints from which to consider the male’s contribution to parenting: ‘important’, ‘unique’, and ‘uniquely important’. I wish from the very beginning to make it clear that, in my view, each parent is uniquely important to his or her children. Whoever suggested that ‘no one is irreplaceable’ did not consult a child, nor did their research include adults bereaved in childhood. The nature of our human connections and particularly the nature of the bond between parent and child ensure that every person is uniquely important to those they love, and to those who love them, however interchangeable they may feel they are at their workplaces. So, there is no debate being offered here that fathers are anything less than uniquely important to their children. Likewise, I regard the contribution of each parent as important as well – so important that one of my main aims in writing this chapter is to encourage men to undertake more daily caregiving activities with their children. I believe most children do need more than one parent, although not for the traditional reasons that are usually supplied, but because most children have needs that are extremely difficult for one person to meet alone, all of the time, over many years. It is simply easier to have another adult present to share these tasks and responsibilities, and less lonely and isolating for all involved as well. In my view, this argument, that emphasises the stresses and strains of daily childcare, is the best argument that can be put forward in favour of the two-parent family. It can be easily applied to the extended family, which provides even more potential ‘parents’ to children who need them. It has a great deal more validity than the idea that the mother and the father each make gender-unique, partial contributions to their children’s development, so that a male and a female parent are needed, whose contributions are then combined into some kind of a meaningful whole for the child. Some children with high needs (of any kind), I would argue, probably need three or four parents. To acknowledge the need for the full participation of men in their children’s lives is to acknowledge the large range of challenges parenting presents, and to urge men not to opt out of full care-giving by sheltering in the more limited, less involved role of the traditional father.

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I believe we can answer unequivocally that male parents are both important and uniquely important to the lives of their children, and that sadly, this is the case whether their impact on their children is positive or negative. The question that remains to be considered and is much more controversial is whether the contributions of men to parenting are unique, in other words, whether men should be encouraged to ‘parent’ (an activity which can be undertaken by men or women) or ‘father’ (an activity which can only be undertaken by men). To raise such questions is often difficult, particularly for one who, like most of this book’s readers, has grown up ingesting the common sense of our culture, and must first try himself to think differently, before attempting to convince anyone else that such thoughts are possible. I must also face the real possibility that our common sense about fathering is right, and I am wrong, as common sense often contains important human ideas and values. If so, and I am wrong, merely raising these questions should cause no alarm – human wisdom can easily override academic pretension. It is also likely that in the end, this chapter will probably seem more a personal polemic than an objective discussion. My aim, however, is to raise what I think are important questions, in the hope that it promotes further thinking, debate, discussion and research in the field of male parenting.

Fathering versus parenting If I question fathering, I am not questioning the importance of the family, the uniquely important role every parent plays in their children’s lives, or the importance of men as parents to their children or to society as a whole (see Frey, 1997). I am a strong advocate of the involvement of men in their families, and with children, and applaud every attempt to increase it. Developing and maintaining a relationship with a child and maintaining a relationship with that child’s other parent are the two most difficult tasks ordinary people undertake in life, and, particularly given the modern lack of an extended family to assist in these tasks, it is vitally important that both parents share this task as much as possible. Beyond this, as developmental psychologist Bettye Caldwell once stated (personal communication), ‘Anyone who has the trust of a child owes that child a dependable relationship.’ Therefore, to me, there is no question that men

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can play and should play an important role in their families – the question is whether they should attempt to play this role as ‘fathers’, fulfilling a role unique to the male in the family (and perhaps unique even to the male biological parent), or as ‘parents’, participating in child rearing tasks which could be performed by any adult with a commitment to a child. I was greatly aided in thinking differently about this question a number of years ago by one of those chance events, which are so helpful; a Jungian analyst might see the hand of synchronicity in them. I had been asked to give a presentation to the annual conference of the wives of Anglican clergymen in Queensland about the importance of fathering. It is proverbial that clergymen usually take on the role of ‘father’ to everyone in their congregation except their own children. Their wives were basically asking the question, ‘If my husband does not get more involved in our family and father our children, will our children turn out normally, and become happy, healthy adults?’ As I pondered this question, my then research assistant, who had recently married a man who was a single father with several children from a previous marriage, commented that since their marriage, her husband seemed to expect to do less parenting and more fathering. She meant by this that, whereas, prior to their marriage, her husband had provided all forms of child care to his children, he now expected her to provide much of this care, whilst he performed an activity called ‘fathering’. So, it began to occur to me that fathering might mean something other than parenting as performed by a male, but might refer to a specific kind of parenting, and the real question the Anglican women were posing was: We know we can perform all the activities a child requires to develop to adulthood, that is, we know we can parent. But we do not believe we can father (being women), and if our husbands are prevented from doing this by their church duties, which are unlikely to be lightened or changed, what hope do our children have?

Of course this question is usually posed by and posed to other groups than wives of clergymen – mothers weighing the costs of leaving violent marriages; mothers pondering whether contact with a child’s father outweighs the fact that the father abuses that child physically, sexually or emotionally; women parenting alone or parenting with another female.

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But it is nonetheless the essence of the question, ‘Can my child (of either gender) grow into a healthy adult without the involvement of a male doing something called “fathering”, however well or poorly this fathering might be done?’ So, I began to wonder if there was an activity called ‘fathering’, separate from parenting that could be performed only by a male, and even perhaps only a male with a biological connection to the child being fathered. As one author who insists this is so puts it, ‘Fathering is different from mothering; involved fathers are indispensable for the good of children and society; and our growing national fatherlessness is a disaster in the making’ (Popenoe, 1996, p. 2; see also Blankenhorn, 1995). I began to wonder, if fathering is not merely parenting by a male, how is fathering actually different from mothering? The current research, surveyed in this book, makes it difficult to justify empirically a totally unique contribution made by men to their children. There seem to be some activities (but not many) that distinguish the parenting styles of many men from their female partners, but even those that may seem to be candidates for this unique contribution, such as the male parent providing a higher level of physical interaction with their children (Slee, 1993, p. 216; see also Lupton & Barclay, 1997, p. 45), could be made by women, but tend to be made by men. So it appears that the idea that fathering as a unique activity is not strongly supported by the empirical literature. Also, it is often not certain if the differences that are exposed in empirical literature about the way men parent and the way women parent relate to innate gender differences or to social conditioning, which, for instance, encourages girls and women generally to play more gently with children. So, as I considered these problems initially posed by the wives of Anglican clergymen, it began to dawn on me that (with several important caveats I shall detail towards the end of the chapter), most of the assertions about the unique role of fathers were derived from theoretical and ideological positions embedded in several historical child development theories, rather than rigorously based on empirical evidence. Even species survival is enhanced, particularly at times of shorter life spans and higher mortality rates for mothers giving birth, if the roles of men and women in parenting are largely interchangeable. Because the role of the father seems to relate more to societal expectations of men than innate abilities or inabilities, more to sociology than

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biology or psychology, it is important to consider how our society has answered the questions, ‘What sort of involvement are we actually requesting from men with families and children, for what purposes, to what ends?’ It is in this regard that Dorothy Smith (1993; see also La Rossa, 1997) described a model of the family she called the ‘Standard North American Family’ (SNAF), a family type which she claimed has a general currency in Anglo-Western cultures, although she is careful to add that not all families fit this model (perhaps even the majority do not). For our purposes, this model is being applied to the Anglo-Australian culture. It does indeed assign different roles to mothers and fathers, and La Rossa (1997) claims that, at least from the 1920s–30s, the SNAF model for fathers has been that the father will provide the financial stability of the family, be a friend (a ‘pal’, a ‘dad’) to their children, and provide a male role model (see also Lupton & Barclay, 1997, chapter 2). This is obviously a much older view of fathering, one, which Lamb (2000, p. 38) claims is still usually regarded as the most essential part of fathering. The first two tasks are not unique to men. Women have entered the workforce in increasing numbers since World War II, and are often the main or total source of their family’s income. I would also question whether mothering would prevent women from being ‘pals’ to their children. I have a number of female friends who seem to accomplish this role quite adequately. One could also question exactly what it is a ‘pal’ does for a child, and why this might be considered an essential part of parenting for parents of either gender. It is only the final task, providing a male role model to children, for which it would seem possible to claim that men play a unique role, not interchangeable with that of women, in the development of their children.

The male role model What is much less clear is what exactly a father, as a male role model, is supposed to model. If it is the traditional role of the male in the SNAF model, that is leaving home and becoming a provider for his family, then surely we must applaud the man who works a 70-hour week and rarely sees his children as providing the clearest model of the traditional role of men. Yet no one applauds the absent father today.

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In fact, there are three traditions of thought in psychology and child development theory which attempt to articulate the value of a male role model, and which will be discussed briefly in this chapter. These three models, although quite distinct in their developmental histories and theoretical underpinnings, nonetheless have become blended together in most popular conceptions of the role of fathers. It is useful to consider each model individually and remind ourselves of their theoretical independence. I would argue that adherence to these models does indeed commit one to conceive of fathering as a unique childrearing activity, but only insofar as one is committed to the model in its traditional articulation. I will also further argue that none of these models is able to provide particularly definitive answers to the question which heads this section, ‘Of what exactly are men supposed to be role models?’ These models are psychoanalytic, Jungian (particularly as developed by Robert Bly and other men in the mythopoetic men’s movement), and social learning theory.

Psychoanalytic views of fathering In psychoanalytic thought, especially that of Jacques Lacan, it is the father who brings language and culture to the child, who disrupts the bond formed between the child and the mother in the interests of culture, and of heterosexuality (Grosz, 1990; Lacan, 1966/1977; Roudinesco, 1997). In more traditional Freudian thought, this occurs through the boy-child’s fear that the father might castrate him because of the boy’s attraction to his mother. This fear causes the boy to ‘identify with the aggressor’ and internalise the father’s voice of prohibition in the form of a conscience. Freud discusses this idea, and variations on it in quite a number of his writings (see for example, 1924/1961/1977; 1925/1961/1977). In terms of the development of the conscience, see Freud (1930/1961/1985). This is not particularly what proponents of the unique role of fathers have in mind: to frighten their male children into masculinity, although fathering is quite often presented as an activity to ‘toughen’ boys and thus prepare them for manhood, as graphically illustrated in the Robert de Niro and Leonardo di Caprio film, This Boy’s Life (1993) and books like

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that of Gilmore (1990). It is interesting that Freud did not suggest fathers should be particularly close to their children, and even suggested that if more men became involved in nurturing activities with young boys, causing these boys to associate love, rather than fear with men, it is quite possible there would be an increase in homosexuality in society (Freud, 1905/1953/1977). In Freud’s defence, I might add that Freud was not nearly as concerned about the ‘spread’ of homosexuality as a number of his later followers were, as he acknowledged a kind of fundamental bisexuality in all people and found homosexuality at most a fairly harmless ‘arrest’ in sexual development (Downing, 1989, p.43; Lewes, 1995). Jung (1989) made a fairly similar suggestion. Freud does allow for the fact that boys both love and fear their fathers, but even here the boy must also abandon this love, or accept castration, as Freud assumed that young boys believed they could only be loved by their fathers by abandoning their male genitals, and by being sexually penetrated, as their mothers were (see also Davis, 1993). Freud had difficulties imagining any child, boy or girl, willingly abandoning their penis, even if that penis was ‘only’ a clitoris (see also Freud, 1924/1961/1977; 1933/1964). So, whether on the basis of love, or fear, in classic Freudian thought, the role of the father is to provide a threat to compel boys to give up childish infatuations with their parents, and assume the responsibilities required by the culture external to the families. For girls, fathers represent the fulfilment of their ambitions, realised when they achieve a child of their own. Freud’s thoughts on these subjects deserve more serious consideration than they receive in most schools of Psychology in Australia today, and there is not the space for me to fully critique them here (for a more detailed critique see Davis, 1993; Mitchell, 1974 and van Herik, 1982, amongst others). However, it should be clear to the reader that this is certainly a different view from the more nurturing father, which is applauded, in most of the contemporary literature on fathers. It probably does reflect quite accurately the nature of the father in the patriarchal family at the time of Freud (e.g. Mitchell, 1974) and reflected in the turn of the century family portrayed in the comic play, Life With Father (1945), and perhaps in the dynamics of the Freud family itself (e.g. Davis, 1993). It may even imply a unique role for fathers, but I suspect it is a role most of us would wish to reject in the light of the above discussion.

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The mythopoetic view of fathers In the late 1980s and early 1990s, a men’s movement emerged in a number of places around the world (Kimmel, 1995), influenced by the ideas of Freud’s contemporary Carl Jung. It was initially associated with the American poet Robert Bly (1990), who produced an extremely influential book on male development based on the medieval legend of Iron John. In Iron John (1990), Bly describes an unusual inheritance process whereby the father’s manhood is exchanged physically, through close proximity, through sweat with the son: …The son’s body – not his mind – receives and the father gives this food at a level far below consciousness…His cells receive some knowledge of what an adult masculine body is…Women cannot, no matter how much they sympathise with their starving sons, replace that particular missing substance. (Bly, 1990, pp. 93–94)

The reader will once again note the lack of interest shown by these authors as to how men might uniquely contribute to the development of their daughters. Indeed, most of the discussions I am aware of about the role of fathers in their families primarily relate to fathers and their sons, as an extension of the contemporary ‘what about the boys’ debate being conducted in education circles (see also Lingard & Douglas, 1999). It is usually implied in this literature that women can adequately raise girls, and I have not read of these authors making the obvious parallel case that only women can properly raise daughters. There are certainly some interesting exceptions (for example, Owen, 1983/1994), but generally (as one of my students discovered some years ago when she attempted to research daughters and fathers) it is suggested that fathers mainly influence their daughters by modelling respect for the girl’s mother, and for the girl’s own femininity, thus reinforcing the image the girl has of herself as feminine and attractive to the opposite sex (see, for example, Biller & Weiss, 1970). Obviously, this would make single parenting for women deeply destructive to their boys’ psyches. Often it seems the mere presence of a male in a family, a father, is sufficient to pass this on, whereas no amount of care-giving by the mother can approach it, women are not able to pass this on. There is no mention of how a father’s ‘sweat’ affects his daughters, if it has any effect at all.

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What exactly is passed on from father to son in this manner is not particularly clearly defined. It seems to be some global sort of masculinity, or maleness. It was in frustration with this position some years ago that I dubbed this the ‘F factor’ (Frey, 1997), a factor which cannot be located in any particular sort of behaviour or way of being, but somehow inheres in either the male body or psyche. ‘F’ can also stand for ‘faith’, as it is difficult to see how this position is anything other than an assertion, which we can either choose to believe or not.

Learning theory It is interesting that the third tradition, that of the male role model as proposed by academic psychology of the fifties, sixties, and seventies (see also Connell, 1995; Pleck, 1981; 1987) is really surprisingly similar to the Jungian tradition when examined closely. The concept that the father ‘models’ a masculine role, which sons then learn from observation, again becomes confused in the details. What exactly is the father modelling? This point of view may have made some sense, and perhaps still does, in societies where there is actually a male role, or even in societies where certain tasks are reserved for people of specific genders, a point on which I will elaborate below. But what is the male role in our society? Is it about being aggressive, competitive and so on, and if so, how can loving interactions with a father reinforce this? In a world where women do almost everything men do, and vice versa, the male role, if there is one, is actually about ‘masculine’ behaviour and mannerisms and so on. Surely then, to talk of a ‘male role’ in the context of our social and work worlds is archaic? Are there then emotions that men have and that women don’t have, and that need a male to model them? Is there a male way of thinking we feel it important our children learn? (Actually, if both boys and girls can learn it, it would mean that it is not exclusively a male way of thinking). Or are we afraid that without a father, boys will act like their mothers, and appear effeminate (of course, this assumes their mothers are traditionally ‘feminine’)? Does this mean that homophobia, which equates homosexuality with effeminacy, lies at the core of our ideas of male parenting?

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We rarely ask ourselves the question, what would happen if boys had no male role models at all? Would they cease to grow up? Would they develop into stunted personalities? What human behaviours would they fail to develop? Would they all become homosexuals and would the human race die out? Consideration of points like these lead me back to the statements I made earlier in this paper. What male parents contribute is vital to children, not because it is different from what mothers contribute, but because it is the same – care, love, attention, physical and emotional support. Children are desperate for this; this is the real ‘father hunger’, I suspect. Whether males contribute something unique beyond the important seems more elusive, and often seems to end in mysterious assertions about how masculinity is transmitted across generations, and how invaluable this transmission is. Given that increasing numbers of children, to paraphrase Popenoe (1996), do not get to say ‘goodnight’ to their dads daily, is it appropriate to upbraid their mothers for not being able to transmit something that seems to have an uncertain existence under any circumstances?

Two caveats I mentioned earlier that I could think of at least two important caveats to the argument I am making in this paper. The first occurs where a child (usually a boy) comes to so de-value his mother that the mother is unable to provide convincing evidence to the boy of being loved. Some boys may well feel that it is natural and inevitable that their mothers love them, but it is special and important if they can get their fathers to notice them. Kilmartin (1994) argues that this may underlie the apparent fact that divorced children handle the divorce better if they are placed with a same-gender parent, ‘perhaps this would not be the case if our culture did not imprint anti-femininity on males, but we will not know unless and until patriarchy dies its slow death’ (Kilmartin, 1994, p.264). I think this is much more common than we realise in our culture, and this is what gives rise to men at men’s retreats lamenting the absence of their fathers rather than rejoicing in the presence (and the love and support) of their mothers (see also Carey, 1996; Silverstein &

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Rashbaum, 1994). This may also underlie the finding of some literature (reviewed by Kilmartin, 1994, p.264) that shows that an adult male’s relationship with his father is significantly associated with the male’s level of mental health. It is really about the child’s need for significant others to love them. I am grateful to Cherie Lamb (of the Pathways Program in Brisbane) for reminding me about the second exception, which occurs in cultures where a distinction is strongly made between ‘men’s business’ and ‘women’s business’. In these cultures, certain important tasks are entrusted to either one gender or the other, and therefore each gender really does have a unique role in passing on this information to the next generation. Interestingly, in some cultures this involves cross-gendered transmissions, with women initiating young men and men initiating young women. For example, Shamanist knowledge in some indigenous native American cultures is passed cross-gendered, from women to younger men, or vice versa (Gunn-Allen, 1992). Many Native American cultures, have rigid knowledges for men and women, but are flexible in re-assigning the gender of children who show an interest in those knowledges (Gunn-Allen, 1992). In other indigenous cultures, male and female roles, and the knowledges held by men and women are much more flexible. Gilmore (1990) discusses other examples of cultures with rigid roles for men and women and several cultures that acknowledge few differences in women’s and men’s roles (see also Mead, 1964). Regardless, it is important to assert here that Anglo Westerners generally do not hold that white middle-class Australian males have ‘secret men’s business’ to share with their sons. Most skills required for young men (and young women) to survive in the modern world are available from either parent, or from other sources altogether. In fact, most of them are acquired in the course of the child’s education, from sources other than the parents. It is not really skills or knowledge that authors like Bly argue are passed on by fathers to sons, but more like a kind of masculine identity, which is much harder to operationalise as a set of skills and knowledges and is harder to discuss in any concrete way. Therefore, it is difficult to assert here that the role of the father is unique in our culture, except where patriarchal prejudices have undermined the child’s respect for their mothers.

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Conclusion It seems to me that discussion about the role of fathers has somehow become entangled with a discussion about what family structures are optimal for children, sometimes phrased as ‘what is in the best interests of the child’. This phrase, the ‘best interests of the child’, although extremely commonly used in discussion of parenting, is perhaps also a bit misleading, in that it is often taken to imply that there is one thing that suits all children, everywhere, as ‘best’. In this light, it becomes impossible to consider that there is more than one family structure that, whilst perhaps not optimal, is nonetheless ‘good enough’ for children. And yet, it takes only a little consideration to realise that children thrive under a variety of family structures, and that some children may do well with a single mother, a single father, two gay parents, and so on, and other children may not just require two parents, but more than two parents. When we are unable to see this, I suspect it is because we have been flummoxed by popular theories, and even more, by popular fears that frighten us into believing there is only one correct way to raise a child. In this chapter, I wanted most of all to raise a fear I have about our need to ensure men have a unique contribution to make to the raising of children, particularly boys. My concern has been that if men focus on the unique they will forget the important, which is the daily parenting of children. Should it, at some point, be discovered that men do not make a unique contribution to the raising of children, the question will then arise whether men will be content to make an ordinary contribution, as mothers do day after day after day, or whether men, stripped of their uniqueness, will cease to make any contribution at all to their children. In this latter case we really will have ‘too little father’, but even more, ‘too little parent’. Why we are having this current discussion seems less certain. Perhaps, overall, this discussion says something important about men, that we must be always assured that our contribution is the most important, that we are the most significant figures in our children’s lives, regardless of our actual level of involvement with them. Perhaps it is a reaction to the culturally held belief that women are uniquely important

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to children (surely also debateable), and men are demanding equal time and equal uniqueness. Or perhaps we have simply forgotten that by taking care of the important daily tasks of childcare, we become, to our children, uniquely important.

References Biller, W., & Weiss, S. (1970). Father–daughter relationship and the personality development of the female. Journal of Genetic Psychology, 116, 79–93. Blankenhorn, D. (1995). Fatherless America. Basic Books, Harper & Collins. Bly, R. (1990). Iron John. A Book About Men. Rockport, Massachusetts: Element Books. Carey, M. (1996). Healing the mother wound. In C. McLean, M. Carey, & C. White (Eds), Men’s Ways of Being (pp. 85–90). Westview Press: Harper & Collins. Connell, R. (1995). Masculinities. Sydney: Allen & Unwin. Davis, R. (1993) Freud’s Concept of Passivity. Madison, Connecticut: International Universities Press. Downing, C. (1989). Myths and Mysteries of Same-Sex Love. New York: Continuum. Freud, S. (1905/1953/1977). Three essays on a theory of sexuality. In A. Richards (Ed.), The Penguin Freud Library, Volume 7: On Sexuality. (pp. 33–170). Translated by James Strachey. Penguin Books. Freud, S. (1924/1961/1977). The dissolution of the Oedipus complex. In A.Richards (Ed.), The Penguin Freud Library, Volume 7: On Sexuality (pp. 313–22). Translated by James Strachey. Penguin Books. Freud, S. (1925/1961/1977). Some psychical consequences of the anatomical distinction between the sexes. In A. Richards (Ed.), The Penguin Freud Library, Volume 7: On Sexuality (pp. 323–43). Translated by James Strachey. Penguin Books. Freud, S. (1930/1961/1985). Civilization and its discontents. In Albert Dickson (Ed.), The Penguin Freud Library, Volume 12: Civilization, Society and Religion (pp. 243–340). Translated by James Strachey. Penguin Books.

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Freud, S. (1931/1961/1977). Female sexuality. In A. Richards (Ed.), The Penguin Freud Library, Volume 7: On Sexuality (pp. 367–92). Translated by James Strachey. Penguin Books. Freud, S. (1933/1964). New Introductory Lectures on Psycho-Analysis. J. Strachey (Ed.). New York: W.W. Norton & Company. Frey, R. (1997). How we prevent men from parenting by insisting they remain fathers. Social Alternatives, 16(3), 23–25. Gilmore, D. (1990). Manhood in the Making: Cultural Conceptions of Masculinity. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press. Grosz, E. (1990). Jacques Lacan: A Feminist Introduction. Sydney: Allen & Unwin. Gunn Allen, P. (1992). The Sacred Hoop: Recovering the Feminine in American Indian Traditions. Boston: Beacon Press. Jung, C. (1989). Aspects of the Masculine. J. Beebe (Ed.). London: ARK Paperbacks, Routledge. Kilmartin, C. (1994). The Masculine Self. New York: Macmillan Publishing Company. Kimmel, M. (Ed.), (1995). The Politics of Manhood: Profeminist Men Respond to the Mythopoetic Men’s Movement (and the Mythopoetic Leaders Answer). Philadelphia: Temple University Press. Lacan, J. (1966/1977). Écrits: A Selection. Translated by Alan Sheridan. New York: W.W. Norton & Company. La Rossa, R. (1997). The Modernization of Fatherhood: A Social and Political History. Chicago: The University of Chicago Press. Lamb, M. (2000). The history of research on father involvement: An overview. In H. Peters, G. Peterson, S. Steinmetz & R. Day (Eds), Fatherhood: Research, Interventions and Policies (pp. 23–43). London: Haworth Press. Lewes, K. (1995). Psychoanalysis and Male Homosexuality. Northvale, N.J: Jason Aronson Inc. Lingard, B., & Douglas, P. (1999). Men Engaging Feminisms: Pro-feminism, Backlashes and Schooling. Buckingham: Open University Press. Lupton, D., & Barclay, L. (1997). Constructing Fatherhood: Discourses and Experiences. London: Sage Publications. Mead, M. (1950/1964). Male and Female. Penguin Books. Mitchell, J. (1974). On Freud and the distinction between the sexes. In J. Strouse (Ed.), Women and Analysis (pp. 27–36). New York: Viking Press.

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Owen, U. (Ed.) (1983/1994). Fathers: Reflections by Daughters. London: Virago Press. Pleck, J. (1981). The Myth of Masculinity. Cambridge, Massachusetts: MIT Press. Pleck, J. (1987). The theory of sex-role identity: Its rise and fall, 1936 to the present. In H. Brod (Ed.), The Making of Masculinities: The New Men’s Studies (pp. 21–38). Boston: Allen & Unwin. Popenoe, D. (1996). Life Without Father. New York: The Free Press, Martin Kessler Books. Roudinesco, E. (1997). Jacques Lacan. Cambridge: Polity Press. Silverstein, O., & Rashbaum, B. (1994). The Courage to Raise Good Men. Viking Press. Slee, P. (1993). Child, Adolescent and Family Development. Sydney: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich. Smith, D. (1993). The Standard North American Family: SNAF as an Ideological Code. Journal of Family Issues, 14 (1), 50–65. van Herik, J. (1982). Freud on Femininity and Faith. Berkeley: University of California Press.

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CHAPTER 5

Mad, bad, or just plain sad dads: the relationship of post-separation parenting patterns and grief on the mental and physical health of fathers Keith Owen

BIOGRAPHY An independent psychologist, Keith Owen B.SocScience, MLitt(Psych), has worked extensively in various capacities with children and families over the past two decades. Keith graduated with his Master of Letters in Psychology in 1996 and began practicing as a psychologist. He is currently completing a Master of Arts with Honours, researching the nature of separated father’s grief and the counselling needs of men.

Introduction This chapter discusses my experience as a psychologist working with men. I describe how a specific incident caused me to re-think my underlying assumptions about separated fathers and how my exploration of the research literature revealed certain gaps, including the dearth of research on fathers. I argue that fathers experience chronic sorrow when their relationships break up. I discuss some of the health and psychological implications that those who work with fathers should be aware of.

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Background to current research directions and working with fathers This project began in earnest after floundering over the dearth of good research on fathers in general. What became evident is that we are not clear about what fathers experience emotionally in relation to their children, when they separate from their partners. The motivation to pursue the current research initially followed an experience I had while working as a counsellor at a community house in the western suburbs of Brisbane. This prompted me to further explore the views of the men attending the Dads Talkin’ to Dads group conducted at the Peace Centre in Goodna, co-facilitated by psychologist, Linda Pullen (see chapter 11). The experience occurred one Saturday afternoon, just after lunchtime, when a young man came to the centre where I worked alone as a counsellor. He looked quite desperate and exhausted and had a toddler with him. I invited this man in for a ‘cuppa’, and as I heard his story unfold, my initial thoughts were that I could help him. I just needed to telephone one of the agencies in the network I usually refer to and I would be able to help him. How wrong I was! It was only about 1pm, and I was due to finish work at 5pm. It would turn out that I would need all that time and to work well into the night to help him out. The man, a widow, and his child were in need of help. They had travelled overnight to Brisbane to attend his mother’s funeral. He had spent the last of his money purchasing his rail ticket and buying food for his child. He had no relatives in the greater Brisbane area and none had attended the funeral, so he and his son were alone in Brisbane. It was Saturday, and they had nowhere to stay, and certainly no way to get there even if he did find accommodation. I thought, ‘Well, with my contacts, I should be able to get him some emergency accommodation,’ so set about calling just about every imaginable service in Brisbane. Here is where the story gets interesting. First, he was the wrong gender for any of the shelters for single parents. Second, he was of the wrong parental status to be considered for any of the men’s shelters, which do not cater for children. So where to from here?

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I did manage to find him accommodation with a family I knew by about 8pm that night. As we parted, he said something to me that had a profound effect on my attitude towards fathers as a counsellor. He said, ‘Mate, this is the first time anyone has really listened and gave a shit.’ This made me realise that perhaps we are so busy making presumptions about men as fathers, that somewhere along the way we have forgotten to actually listen to them and find out what it is really like for them. Certainly, the fact that there were no services that could accommodate a single dad and his child made me stop and think. Perhaps we are getting it wrong! This incident prompted me as a psychologist to consider the therapeutic interventions we offer to families and in particular to fathers. The thought occurred to me that perhaps there is an alternative way to conduct group therapy with fathers, client driven and based on listening to their needs. In setting up a group for separated men (the Dads Talkin’ to Dads group, see chapter 11) my co-facilitator and I discovered that our planned intervention strategy did not appear to be successful. To address this, we needed an alternative that allowed us to be responsive to the men’s actual needs. I also began to review what we actually know about fathers from the literature, and to examine some of my assumptions about separated fathers. There is a lack of research on fathers (Funder, 1991; Grief & Bailey 1990; James, 1988), and in particular, little is known about the dynamics of noncustodial parenting (Arditti, 1995). Research has indicated that men have continued physical and psychological health problems that affect work, social activities and daily living tasks for at least two years and sometimes for as long as ten years after separation (Jordan, 1989a; 1989b; 1996). There is convincing evidence indicating that increased stress impairs a parent’s ability to parent effectively (Wahler & Dumas, 1984; Webster-Stratton, 1990). A generally agreed upon finding is that separation involves many losses for men, including a loss of their role as a father (Armstrong, 1989). A more appropriate way of defining this loss may be to differentiate between roles of fathers before and after separation. It is important to find out the nature of this loss and how it relates to post-separation parenting roles for fathers. Evidence has been provided that men who experience loss and separation are the focus of a significant part of the caseloads of counsellors in the Family Court of Australia (Jordan, 1989b).

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The nature of post separation parenting In 1997, there were 978 000 children living in families where one natural parent was living elsewhere, with the majority, 88 per cent, living with their natural mother in one parent, step, or blended families (ABS, 1999b). The most common pattern is that mothers retain fulltime care of children (Ochiltree, 1990). In practice, non-resident parents generally provide little ongoing support, and apart from occasional access visits, are quite removed from their children’s daily lives (Furstenberg, 1988). (Custody has now been termed ‘residency’ and access termed ‘visitation’ by the Family Law Court of Australia.) Men who are removed from their children’s lives are sometimes viewed as believing their children are ‘an unwanted and unnecessary responsibility, as evidenced in the absent fathers and those who offer no support to their children’ (Sullivan, 2001, p. 49). One factor that has been associated with longer-term child adjustment to parental divorce is a positive relationship between the child and non-custodial parent (Hetherington, Cox & Cox, 1981; Wallerstein & Kelly, 1980). Children appear to benefit from ongoing contact with their non-custodial parent when this contact is associated with lower levels of conflict and the non-custodial parent is ‘well-adjusted’ (Amato, 1993; Hetherington, Cox & Cox, 1982; Johnston, Kline, & Tschann, 1989; Seligman, 1995; Wallerstein & Kelly, 1980). There is evidence that, in many cases, non-resident fathers do not maintain good long-term relationships with their children. It is typical for fathers to gradually see less of their children over time (Furstenberg, 1988; Harrison, 1993; Maccoby, Buchanan, Mnookin & Dornbusch, 1993). It has been reported that by five years after divorce, more than half non-custodial fathers have lost regular contact with their children (Colling, 1992). What appears to be lacking in the research is investigation into the effects of positive and negative parenting experiences for fathers, their link to maintaining good mental and physical health outcomes, and how this may maintain or cause deterioration of relationships between non-custodial fathers and their children.

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Predictors and patterns of post-separation parenting Little is known about the dynamics of non-resident parenting (Arditti, 1995). Some changes in child–father relationships can be due to practical factors, such as the father’s geographical distance from the child’s residence (Amato, 1987). Others can reflect the child’s level of development. For example, when non-resident parents maintain high levels of contact with their children after divorce, considerable decline often occurs with the onset of adolescence. Non-resident parents can find themselves competing with the child’s growing interests in social and sporting activities, and adolescents may show reluctance to continue access visits (Amato, 1987). We see this trend in the following statistics. In 1997, approximately 60 per cent of young children aged up to four years visited their non-resident parent fortnightly or more. This declined with age, so that for the same year about one third of 12- to 17-year-olds visited their non-resident parent fortnightly or more (ABS, 1999b). In 1997, the majority of children from separated families were in sole care arrangements (97 per cent), and of these children 42 per cent spent time with their other parent on a fortnightly basis or more frequently (ABS, 1999a). Over one third (36 per cent) of these children saw their other parent rarely or never, and 33 per cent had some contact by telephone or letter (ABS, 1999a). The frequency of visits that children experience with their non-resident parent is presented in Table 1. Table 1 Frequency of Visits with natural parent living elsewhere* Frequency

Percentage of children

Daily

4.4

Weekly

22.2

Fortnightly

15.6

Monthly

7.6

Once every three months

8.7

Once every six months

5.3

Once a year

5.4

Less than once a year or never

30

Total of children in sole care arrangement

100

(*Note: Adapted from ABS (1999b), Australian Social Trends 1999: Family – Living Arrangements: Caring for children after parents separate. Canberra, ABS.)

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Father–child relationships after separation appear to be mostly determined by relationship factors, such as the degree of cooperation between ex-spouses (Funder, 1993). Wall (1992) reported that fathers’ reductions in contact with children two to three years after separation were associated with high levels of hostility towards their ex-spouse. It has also been found that intense conflicts with former spouses experienced by fathers can interfere with their ongoing parent–child relationships (Dudley, 1991). It is interesting to note that this two to three year period may reflect an environment of adversarial relationships, encouraged by a legal system that locates formal residency orders in the Family Law Court of Australia. Research has also found that younger men who had been married for a short time and who identified with a strong masculine orientation, maintained less contact with their children (Wall, 1992). Despite the decline in frequency of contact between children and their non-resident fathers, one study showed that the majority of men (70 per cent) felt that they had too little time with their children, and most men were dissatisfied with the frequency of visits (Koch & Lowery, 1984). A study on access patterns post divorce found that access failed to occur in only fifteen per cent of the studied population (Gibson, 1992). This highlights some of the underlying problems in the research on fathers. Where men’s perceptions are obtained through the use of selfreport questionnaires, issues of accuracy exist. Moreover use of crosssectional study designs and limited samples drawn from clinical populations, such as the Family Law Court client database, makes it difficult to generalise to the general population. In addition, simply measuring the quantity of access does not provide an accurate representation of the quality of father–child relationships, nor does it indicate psychological factors or the level of parenting competence that could mediate the maintenance of positive ongoing relationships. Further, examining statistical data from clinical populations can provide us with a limited view of post-separation parenting. I believe that this neglects psychological factors that could mediate ongoing relationships between fathers and their children. Descriptive studies alone may not be useful for examining the complex nature of post-separation parenting experiences. For example, one type of descriptive account that has been criticised is post-separation parenting experiences as measured by mother’s reports on father involvement (King, 1994).

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Loss and grief for separated fathers One problem identified in research on separated fathers is that involvement with children is often measured in terms of physical involvement in their daily lives, rather than emotional investment in their children (Kruk, 1994). This is a persuasive reason to explore the nature of emotional reactions of men who are separated from their children, rather than relying on demographic or statistical data in an attempt to understand some of the mental health outcomes for this group, or attempting to draw causative relationships between fathers’ behaviour after separation to involvement with their children. There is an obvious need to explore alternative models of grief for separated fathers. ‘A most pervasive problem is suffering caused by the feeling that they have lost their children’ (Dudley, 1991, p. 279). In one qualitative study of 68 fathers between the ages of 28 and 61, the majority of these fathers spoke of having lost their homes, possessions and pay packets in addition to losing their children (McMurray & Blackmore, 1993). This indicates that fathers who are separated actually experience many different losses. ‘By far, the overriding concern for these fathers was missing the everyday world of their children growing up. They spoke of the intense love for their children and the difficulty they had or were experiencing in coming to terms with the loss of daily contact with them’ (McMurray & Blackmore, 1993, p. 154). The fathers in the McMurray & Blackmore (1993) study spoke of not being able to resolve their grief and 25 out of the sample of 68 received counselling or psychotherapy for this. Some of these men had distanced themselves from their children in the short term only to find that their pain was more than just when they said goodbye at the end of visitation (McMurray & Blackmore, 1993). This is consistent with the findings of another qualitative study by Jordan (1996), where it was found that even after ten years, fathers still had unresolved feelings, especially when there were children from a former relationship. Some studies have shown that the grief of non-resident fathers stems primarily from the loss of their children, rather than from the loss of marital identity (Kruk, 1994). The grief that separated fathers experience has been described as disenfranchised because social norms do not permit public acknowledgment of their mourning (Baker & McMurray, 1988).

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The Kübler-Ross model of grief, as applied when a loved one dies, has been adopted in the literature as applicable to spousal adjustment following divorce. Spouses are seen as needing to adjust to the loss of relationships as emotional connections are severed (Ambrose, Pemberton & Harper, 1983; Kitson, 1982). This may be an appropriate model to adopt when a separating couple is childless. In these cases, divorce has only minor implications (Furtenburg & Nord, 1985). The implication of using the Kübler-Ross model of grief is that the process experienced is time bound, with clear stages indicating that adjustment is attained once the stage of resolution has been achieved. Given that the research has identified a significant percentage of men at risk of ongoing adjustment problems for up to ten years after separation (Jordan, 1996), it would appear appropriate to explore alternative models of grief in an attempt to explain the pervasive pain they experience.

Chronic Sorrow The questions to be asked are: • Is chronic sorrow a possible alternative explanation of grief for separated fathers? • How well does it fit? The term ‘chronic sorrow’ was first proposed by Olshansky (1962) to describe the pervasive nature of grief experienced by parents who had a child with a disability. In his clinical experience, Olshansky (1962) observed that parents who had an intellectually impaired child, suffered from a pervasive psychological reaction that was not always recognised by professionals working with these parents. Olshansky (1962) proposed that these parents suffered chronic sorrow throughout their lives, that the intensity of their sorrow varied from time to time, and that it may have been more intense for some than for others. It was proposed that some parents showed their sorrow freely, and that others attempted to conceal it, a common defence among parents. It was also contended that the helping professionals often encouraged parents to deny the reality of their child’s intellectual disability and often viewed parents’ reactions as a neurotic manifestation, rather than a normal reaction to a

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tragic set of circumstances. Olshansky (1962) stressed that rather than exhorting them to abandon their chronic sorrow, professionals should accept the parents’ feelings as being a normal reaction to an unfortunate situation. Without such acceptance, parents could become both resentful and resistant. Olshansky (1962) contended that the goal of therapy should not be one of change and abandoning the feelings of sorrow, but rather the goal should be to increase the parents’ comfort in living with and managing their child. In essence, the concept of chronic sorrow is about a model of grief that is not time bound like the popular Kübler-Ross model. The pattern of grief does not follow a prescribed sequence of emotional or psychological reactions that are predictable, with a clear ending in a clear time frame. The chronic sorrow model allows for a longer period of grief. Indeed in the case of parents who have a child with a disability, one aspect of the grief is about the loss of the child they will never have, and it is a lifelong concept (for the life of the child, or the parent). Parents are constantly reminded about their loss at every stage of development of the child, at every milestone, and living with this is a life long process of experiencing sorrow. The concept of chronic sorrow has more recently been applied to a number of different situations where ongoing grief reactions are evident (Kearney, 1992). Teel (1991, p. 1312) states, ‘for the many circumstances for which death does not occur, yet where there is a disruption in the relationship, consideration of bereavement theory does not necessarily contribute to an understanding of response to loss – loss that is ongoing.’ Some researchers have applied the concept of chronic sorrow to other populations. For example, the episodic grief of some families who have experienced reproductive crises such as infertility or repeated miscarriage has been compared to the grief that follows the birth of an intellectually impaired child (Buschman, 1988). In this case, it was noted that the sense of sadness because of lost dreams was present in both situations and exacerbated by trigger events throughout the lifetime of the adults, which acted as reminders of the loss. Teel (1991) summarised the antecedents of chronic sorrow in this way: • a relationship of attachment is disrupted through loss other than death; • a negative disparity between past and present or idealised and actual person/relationship is recognised;

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• disparity in person or relationship is recognised to be permanent; and • trigger events prompt recognition of disparity between past and present or ideal and actual person or relationship. In addition to this, Teel (1991) believed, ‘It is possible that prolonged, intense, recurrent sorrow may induce such severe psychic pain that the individual may choose to withdraw from the relationship’ (Teel, 1991, p. 1317). For example, ‘for the parents of a severely disabled child this could mean adoption or institutionalisation in an attempt to withdraw from the torturous relationship’ (Teel, 1991, p. 1317). There appear to be some similarities in the experience of men who are separated from their children with that of parents who have a child with a disability. Most striking in both groups is the ongoing, pervasive nature of their experience of loss and sadness (Jordan, 1996; McMurray & Blackmore, 1993; Olshansky, 1962). Other similarities are that some fathers attempt to distance themselves from their children after divorce, with many failing to maintain contact with them (McMurray & Blackmore, 1993). One study found that men often distanced themselves from their children and partners by involving themselves more in work (Bruce, Schultz, Smyrnios & Schultz, 1993). Yet another similarity is the relationship between the permanent recurring sorrow and health of parents who have a child with a disability (Teel, 1991), and the health of separated fathers (Bouma, Dixon & Robarts, 1991; Jordan, 1996). Both groups appear to have higher levels of physical illness. I propose that time-bound models of grief, as adopted in the separation and divorce literature, and in practice by therapists, are not adequate to describe the nature of grief for separated fathers. This has important implications. First, those fathers seen as having ongoing grief, not being able to resolve their pervasive sense of loss, and having intense feelings associated with their loss, risk being labelled as having pathological grief when presenting to Family Court counsellors who attempt to assess parents for parenting plan recommendations. I argue that those separated parents suffering from ongoing intense emotional reactions to their loss, also risk alienation in the therapeutic and assessment process, much like the parents of children with a disability that Olshansky (1962) observed. Second, if the intention of family therapists and counsellors is to work with separated fathers using

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such models of grief, with the expectation that they will resolve their feelings, and this does not occur for whatever reason, the risk is that fathers will be further alienated from their children, thereby further exacerbating their loss.

The mental and physical health of separated fathers. What are the implications for parenting? There has been surprisingly little research that has examined the role of fathers’ personal adjustment in maintaining post-separation relationships with their children. There is good reason to suspect that the following factor may be important. Research with intact families has shown that poor parental adjustment, especially depression and stress, is associated with poor parent–child relationships and poor child outcomes (Brody & Forehand, 1988; Christensen, Phillips, Glasgow & Johnson, 1983; Gelfand & Teti, 1990; Harnish, Dodge & Valente, 1995; Hops, 1992; Miller, Cowan, Pape-Cowan, Hetherington & Clingempeel, 1993; Phares & Compas, 1992). A high intensity of life concerns in fathers has been shown to be related to less positive child rearing practices and lower levels of parental role confidence (de-Luccie & Davis, 1991). Divorced people have generally been reported to have lower levels of psychological wellbeing than married people (Mirowsky & Ross, 1989). This has been shown to manifest in poor physical health (Grove, 1972; Jordan, 1989a); suicide (ABS, 2000a; Coling, 1992; Stack, 1990); depression (Shapiro, 1996), and psychological distress (Booth & Amato, 1991; Simons, Beaman, Conger & Chao, 1993). Divorced fathers have reported significantly more depressive symptoms than married fathers (Thomas & Forehand, 1991). In one study it was found that in the two year period following separation, 81 per cent of men suffered sleeplessness; 63 per cent suffered reduced energy; 61 per cent suffered poor appetite; 43 per cent suffered from headaches, and 23 per cent from stomach ulcers (Bouma, et al., 1991). It was also found that 51 per cent of separated fathers smoked, compared to 34 per cent of married fathers, and 37 per cent of single men (ABS, 1994). It has also been argued that men are more than twice as likely as women to attempt and commit suicide after divorce (Colling, 1992).

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A study of 4000 suicides by the Australian Institute for Suicide Research at Griffith University in Queensland suggested that 70 per cent were caused by relationship break-ups (Cantor & Slater, 1995). The completed suicide rate is lower for females than males; however, it is thought that suicide attempts are more common among females than males. The difference has been attributed to males choosing relatively more lethal means (ABS, 2000b). During the years 1995 to 1997, the rates of suicide for men who had never married were more than twice as high as those for married men, and the rates for widowers and divorced men were about three times higher, with similar patterns being observed for women (ABS, 2000d). It must be noted that the accuracy of statistics on suicide rates is difficult to assess for a number of reasons, including deaths being reported as caused by other means such as by accident (ABS, 2000c). Table 2 illustrates the different rates of suicide for both men and women according to their respective marital status. Table 2 Suicide Rates per 100 000 According to Marital Status in 1997* Registered marital status

Rate of Men

Rate of Women Total rate

Never married

33.0

8.2

22.0

Married

14.3

3.5

8.9

Widowed

43.1

6.2

13.1

Divorced

42.2

14.0

26.5

*Note: Adapted from Australian Bureau of Statistics (2000c). Australian Social Trends 2000: Health – Mortality and Morbidity: Suicide. Canberra: ABS.

I would argue that given the research on the increased negative mental health outcomes for separated fathers as distinct from men without children, and the fact that some men seem to express feelings of unresolved grief through violence (Jones, 1996), together with the high levels of suicide among divorced men (ABS, 2000b), further study is warranted. The data do not clearly indicate whether the men included in these statistics were fathers and if so, whether they had access to their children. If we are to further our understanding of the effect of separation on fathers and ultimately their children, then this is an issue that requires further investigation. There is evidence that men who did not expect a separation are most at risk of emotional distress for up to two years after separation

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(Jordan, 1989a; 1996), and some men experience distress for longer periods, up to ten years after separation (Jordan, 1996). Given that research indicates that most divorces are initiated by the wife (65 per cent), and that the majority of the men studied did not want or initiate the divorce (Burns, 1980; Jordan, 1985), one could argue that this potentially places a significant number of men at risk.

Post-separation parenting patterns When examining the literature reporting research on father–child relationships, I found that many of the studies tended to be small scale, and often did not examine multi-factorial mediators of post-separation parenting. In addition, the amount of research in this area is sparse, with different factors being examined over time. The following studies represent a brief summary of the research relevant to the current topic. A pervasive sense of loss by non-resident parents has been reported by a number of studies (Furstenberg & Nord, 1985; Hetherington, Cox & Cox, 1977; Stewart, Schwebel & Fine, 1986; Wilbur & Wilbur, 1988) as a factor involved in a gradual decline in the frequency of contact between the non-custodial parent and their children, or in the temporary distancing reaction as reported in the McMurray and Blackmore (1993) study. Men may view themselves as being less capable parents due to having more masculine role expectations. This has been reflected in the early literature examining the role of men as parents, where fathers were viewed as aloof and distant from their children with diminished capacity to undertake a nurturing role (Wilson, 1988). In this study, fathers tended to view mothers as better able to relate to children in a nurturing role, because they believed that women were able to communicate better emotionally with children. This could then be one factor that influences the trend of fathers’ declining contact with their children after separation (Wall, 1992). In a small sample study during the 1970s, fathers were reported as having the same behavioural repertoire available to them as women, and were capable of similar nurturing responses to those of mothers (James, 1988). One of the few studies carried out on single fathers found, however, that the majority of fathers experienced significantly increased levels of

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stress and deterioration in their physical and mental health (Wilson, 1988). Below personal loneliness and balancing work and domestic responsibilities, adjustment to a new role was rated as the third most frequent aspect of being a single father (Wilson, 1988). What this may indicate is that men are capable of parenting, but when they are required to take on the role of sole carer, which may involve skills other than those traditionally thought of as appropriate for fathers, it may cause them stress. This could be an important factor contributing to a father’s ability to maintain a role in his children’s lives after separation since separated fathers adopt the role of sole carer during visitation. In a long-term study that examined fathers who adopted the role of care-giver, it was found that they often reverted back to the role of breadwinner due to the influence of friends, family and community members (Grbich, 1992; 1995). This may indicate that fathers’ views of what is an appropriate or legitimate parenting role are shaped by social factors in addition to psychological mediators. I argue that one factor that may be an important mediator is how fathers perceive their competence in parenting after separation, and how this is influenced by others. Further research is needed to determine how separated fathers perceive themselves as parents, what parenting skills they see themselves as having, and how these are shaped by the many factors that may influence their perception.

Conclusion What appears obvious from the literature reviewed is that there is indeed a dearth of good research on separated fathers and that there is little known about the type of grief they experience. There are a multitude of factors that mediate father–child relationships that have been investigated by research in a variety of contexts, but these have largely failed to address the post-separation context. Developing our understanding of this is important in ensuring that interventions provided actually meet the unique needs of this group of men. I started with a short story in this chapter. The reason I hope will be obvious now. As therapists and counsellors, we are not immune to the everyday assumptions made about men and their role as parent or

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caregiver, and we need to be aware of how this may affect our ability to engage with this group. More importantly, we need to be aware of how men’s perceptions of the expectations society has of them and the associated constructions of masculinity and fatherhood may affect their ability to seek help. I believe we have a responsibility to really listen.

References Amato, P.R. (1987). Children in Australian families: The growth of competence. Melbourne: Prentice Hall. Amato, P.R. (1993). Contact with non-custodial fathers and children’s well being. Family Matters, 36, 32–4. Ambrose, P., Harper, J., & Pemberton, R. (1983). Men after divorce. New Society, 23, 464–6. Arditti, J.A. (1995). Noncustodial parents: Emergent issues of diversity and process. Special Issue: Single Parent Families: Diversity, myths and realities: Marriage and Family Review, 20 (1–2), 283–304. Australian Bureau of Statistics (1994). 1993 Divorces in Australia. (Catalogue no. 3307.0). Canberra: ABS. Australian Bureau of Statistics (1999a). Children, Australia: A Social Report. (Catalogue no.4119.0). Canberra: ABS. Australian Bureau of Statistics (1999b). Australian Social Trends 1999: Family – Living Arrangements: Caring for children after parents separate. Canberra: ABS. Australian Bureau of Statistics (1999c). Australian Social Trends 1999: Family – Family Functioning: Looking after the children. Canberra: ABS. Australian Bureau of Statistics (1999d). Australian Social Trends 1999: Health – Health Status: Mental Health. Canberra: ABS. Australian Bureau of Statistics (2000a). Australian Social Trends 2000: Health – Risk Factors: Trends in smoking. Canberra: ABS. Australian Bureau of Statistics (2000b). ABS Year Book Australia, 2000: Health Special Article – Suicide. Canberra: ABS. Australian Bureau of Statistics (2000c). Australian Social Trends 2000: Health – Mortality and Morbidity: Suicide. Canberra: ABS. Baker, R.J., & McMurray, A.M. (1998). Contact fathers’ loss of school involvement. Journal of Family Studies, 4(2), 201–14.

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Booth, A., & Amato, P. (1991). Divorce and psychological stress. Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 32, 396–407. Bouma, G.D., Dixon, B.R. & Robarts, J.A. (1991). Human Development and Society: A lifespan approach to home economics. Australia: Oxford University Press. Brody, G.H., & Forhand, R. (1988). Multiple determinants of parenting: research findings and implications for the divorce process. In E.M. Hetherington & J.D. Arasteh (Eds), Impact of Divorce, Single Parenting, and Step-parenting on Children (pp. 117–133). Hillsdale, N.J.: Laurence Erlbaum. Bruce, E.J., Schultz, C.L., Smyrnios, K.X., & Schultz, N.C. (1993). Discrepancy and loss in parenting: A comparative study of mothers and fathers of children with and without intellectual disability. Children Australia, 18, 18–24. Buschman, P.R. (1988). Pediatric orthopedics: Dealing with loss and chronic sorrow. Loss, Grief and Care, 2(3/4), 39–44. Burns, A. (1980). Breaking Up: Separation and Divorce in Australia. Melbourne: Nelson. Cantor, C.H., & Slater, P.J. (1995). Marital Breakdown, Parenthood, and Suicide. Journal of Family Studies, 1(2), 91–102. Christensen, A., Phillips, S., Glasgow, R.E., & Johnson, S.M. (1983). Parental characteristics and interactional dysfunction in families with child behavior problems: A preliminary investigation. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 11, 153–66. Colling, T. (1992). Beyond Mateship: Understanding Australian men. Australia: Simon & Schuster. de-Luccie, M.F., & Davis, A.J. (1991) Do men’s adult life concerns affect their fathering orientations? Journal of Psychology, 125(2), 175–88. Funder, K. (1991). Motherhood. Fatherhood. Family Matters, 30, 34–7. Funder, K. (1993). Exploring the access–maintenance nexus. In K. Funder, M. Harrison & R. Weston (Eds), Settling Down: Pathways of parents after divorce (pp. 175–91). Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. Furstenberg, F.F. Jr. (1988). Child care after divorce and remarriage. In E.M. Hetherington & J.F. Arasteh (Eds), Impact of Divorce, Single Parenting and Step-parenting on Children (pp. 245–61). Hillsdale, N.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum.

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Furstenberg, F.F. Jr., & Nord, C. (1985). Parenting apart: Patterns of childrearing after marital disruption. Journal of Marriage and the Family. 47(Jan), 883–900. Gelfand, D.M., & Teti, D.M. (1990). The effects of maternal depression on children. Clinical Psychology Review, 10, 329–53. Grief, G.L., & Bailey, C. (1990). Where are the fathers in social work literature? Families in Society: The Journal of Contemporary Human Services, 71, 88–92. Grbich, C.F. (1992). Primary caregiver fathers – a role study: Some preliminary findings. Australian Journal of Sex, Marriage & Family, 8(1), 17–26. Grbich, C.F. (1995) Male Primary Caregivers and Domestic Labour: Involvement or Avoidance? Journal of Family Studies, 1(2), 114–29. Harnish, J.D., Dodge, K.A., & Balente, E. (1995). Mother–child interaction quality as a partial mediator of the roles of maternal depressive symptomatology and socioeconomic status in the development of child behavior problems. Child Development, 66, 739–53. Harrison, M. (1993). Patterns of maintenance payment over time. In K. Funder, M. Harrison & R. Weston (Eds), Settling Down: Pathways of parents after divorce (pp. 116–34). Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. Hetherington, E., Cox, M. & Cox, R. (1977). The aftermath of divorce. In J. Stevens & M. Matthews (Eds), Mother–Child, Father–Child Relationships. Washington: National Association for the Education of Young Children. Hetherington, E.M., Cox, M., & Cox. R. (1981). The aftermath of divorce. In E. Mavis Hetherington & E. Ross Barke (Eds), Contemporary Readings in Child Psychology (pp. 234–49). New York: McGraw-Hill. Hetherington, E.M., Cox, M., & Cox, R. (1982). Effects of divorce on parents and young children. In M. Lamb. (Ed.), Nontraditional Families: Parenting and child development (pp. 233–88). Hillsdale, N.J.: Erlbaum. Hops, H. (1992). Parental depression and child behavior problems: Implications for behavioral family intervention. Behavior Change, 9, 126–38. James, D. (1988). Fathers: An Emerging Frontier For Social Workers? Australian Social Work, 41(2), 5–8. Johnston, J.R., Kline, M., & Tschann, J.M. (1989). Ongoing postdivorce conflict: Effects on children of joint custody and frequent access. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 59, 576–92.

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Jordan, P. (1985). The effects of marital separation on men, ‘Men Hurt’. Family Court of Australia Principal Registry, Research Report No: 5. Jordan, P. (1989a). The effects of marital separation on men. Journal of Divorce, 12(1), 57–82. Jordan, P. (1989b). The relationship chart: A recording and therapeutic process. Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, 10(2), 85–91. Jordan, P. (1996). The effects of Marital Separation on Men – 10 Years On. Family Court of Australia Publications Unit. King, V. (1994). Nonresident father involvement and child well-being: Can dads make a difference? Journal of Family Issues, 15(1), 78–96. Koch, M.A.P., & Lowery, C.R. (1984). Visitation and the noncustodial father. Journal of Divorce, 8(2). Kruk, E. (1994). The disengaged noncustodial father: Implications for social work practice with the divorced family. Social Work, 39(1), 15–25. Maccoby, E.E., Buchanan, C.M., Mnookin, R.H., & Dornbusch, S.M. (1993). Postdivorce roles of mothers and fathers in the lives of their children. Journal of Family Psychology, 7, 24–38. McMurray, A., & Blackmore, A.M. (1993). Influences on parent–child relationships in non-custodial fathers. Australian Journal of Marriage & Family, 14(3), 151–9. Miller, N.B., Cowan, P.A., Pape-Cowan, C., Hetherington, W.M., & Clingempeel, W.G. (1993). Externalising in preschoolers and early adolescents: A cross-study replication of a family model. Developmental Psychology, 29, 3–18. Mirowsky, J., & Ross, C.E. (1989). The Social Causes of Psychological Distress. New York: Aldyne de Gruyter. Ochiltree, G. (1990). Children in Australian Families. Melbourne: Longman Cheshire. Olshansky, S. (1962). Chronic sorrow: A response to having a mentally defective child. Social Casework, 43(4), 190–3. Phares, B., Compas, B.E. (1992). The role of fathers in child and adolescent psychopathology: Make room for Daddy. Psychological Bulletin, 111, 387–412. Simons, R.L., Beaman, J., Conger, R.D., & Chao, W. (1993). Stress, support, and antisocial behavior trait as determinants of emotional well-being and parenting practices among single mothers. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 55, 385–98.

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Seligman, M.E.P. (1995). The Optimistic Child. Australia: Random House. Shapiro, A.D. (1996). Explaining psychological distress in a sample of remarried and divorced persons: the influence of economic distress. Journal of Family Issues, 17, 186–203. Stack, S. (1990). The impact of divorce on suicide: new micro level data. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, 119–27. Stewart, J., Schwebel, A., & Fine, M. (1986). The impact of custodial arrangement on the adjustment of recently divorced fathers. Journal of Divorce. 9(3), 55–65. Sullivan, R. (2001). Fathering and children: The contemporary context. Family Matters 58 (Autumn), 46–51. Melbourne: Australian Institute of Family Studies. Teel, C.S. (1991). Chronic sorrow: analysis of the concept. Journal of Advanced Nursing, 16, 1311–19. Thomas, A., & Forehand, R. (1991). The role of paternal variables in divorced and married families. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 63(1). Wahler, R.G., & Dumas, J.E. (1984). Family factors in childhood psychopathology: Toward a coercion neglect model. In T. Jacob (Ed.), Family Interaction and Psychopathology. New York: Plenum Press. Wall, J.C. (1992). Maintaining the connection: parenting as a non custodial father. Child and Adolescent Social Work Journal, 9(5), 441–56. Wallerstein, J.S., & Kelly, J.B. (1980). Surviving the Breakup: How children and parents cope with divorce. New York: Basic Books. Webster-Stratton, C. (1990). Stress: A potential disrupter of parent perceptions and family interactions. Journal of Clinical and Consulting Psychology, 19, 302–12. Wilbur, J., & Wilbur, M. (1988). The non-custodial parent: dilemmas and interventions. Journal of Counselling and Development. 66, 434–7. Wilson, J. (1988). Single fathers: men speak about their lives as single parents. Search, 19(3), 113–15.

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CHAPTER 6

The father in the mind Ron Spielman

BIOGRAPHY Dr Ron Spielman is a Sydney-trained psychiatrist who developed a particular interest in the development of personality through treatment of patients with personality disorder in a Therapeutic Community at the (then) North Ryde Psychiatric Centre in the mid1970s and also in the Alcohol and Drug Services of the Northern Metropolitan Health Region. He then undertook psychoanalytic training in order to deepen his understanding of such patients and is now a Psychoanalyst in private practice in Sydney.

Introduction The most important thing we humans have – which makes us human – is our mind. While we all have the potential to develop our mind to its fullest from babyhood to adulthood, this is a complex developmental task in which the relationship with our parents plays a vital role in the early years of life. Two of the main developmental tasks in a mental sense involve developing an IDENTITY, a SELF, and being able to THINK effectively about the people and the world around us. Fathers – and mothers, too, of course – play a vital role in each of these. These days, it is common to see newspapers publish articles with titles such as ‘The end of men’ (Good Weekend, Sydney Morning Herald, Nov. 9, 2002) or ‘Children of a lesser dad’ (Weekend Edition, Sydney Morning Herald, Dec. 21, 2002). The reason being, it seems, that it is painfully evident that violent and abusive or totally absent fathers cause a great deal of pain and

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damage to their wives and children – and – it is now possible to have children without involving a ‘father’ at all. Fortunately, there have been a few more recent instances of articles with the opposite thrust: ‘About a dad – the forgotten parent’ (Weekend Edition, Sydney Morning Herald, Mar. 29, 2003) and ‘Fathers are not optional’ (The Australian, May 7, 2003). Are fathers indeed not optional? I want to assert that it is important for the optimal development of an individual’s mind to have two parents working together as a couple, if a secure identity and sense of self are to develop, together with a capacity to think realistically about who one is, what one does and how one treats one’s fellows – be they males or females. In short, one’s sense of self and one’s relations with others. It will not be difficult to accept that a sense of identity and self, including a sense of one’s masculinity or femininity, derives in some way from the nature of the experiences one has had with one’s parents (this term needs to include the notion of care-givers where the biological parents are not those engaged in raising the child). However, it may be more difficult to accept that a capacity to think effectively derives from the very same experiences. I hope this will become clearer as the chapter proceeds. This contribution derives from the theoretical concepts that make up modern day psychoanalysis, together with the clinical experience of being a psychoanalyst and psychotherapist. In the early days of psychoanalysis, some 100 years ago, working with adult patients forced the early psychoanalysts (Sigmund Freud being the very first) to realise that early childhood experiences played a major role in influencing adult behaviour. This is not all that surprising. What was surprising, however, was that it soon became apparent that what were thought to be memories were influenced by fantasies; that actual experiences were added to or subtracted from and even altered to accommodate some meaning that the experiences held for the developing individual. Thus, memories of experiences reported by the adult patients involving the important early figures – let us call them ‘mother’ and ‘father’ – were memories involving the real mother or father together with an additional component constructed by the developing child. These memories themselves can be added to, subtracted from or even altered by subsequent experiences.

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Psychoanalysts nowadays consider that development of the human mind is highly dependent on the experience of the relationships with the infant’s caretakers in the early years of life. Development is thought to take place under the influence of introjections and projections between the developing mind of the infant and its external real caretakers, in which the experiences of these relationships result in a building up of internal ‘figures’ in the child’s mind, which conduct the kinds of relationships (within the child’s mind) that had their origins in the real and fantasised experiences of the developing child. These resulting composite figures are what we might call ‘the mother in the mind’ and ‘the father in the mind’. For the purposes of this chapter, we are focusing on the father in the mind. Some of the ideas presented here are derived from the clinical experience of intensive psychoanalytic and psychotherapeutic cases, which together comprise the body of psychoanalytic theory. Most major psychoanalytic theories are the result of clinicians constructing notions of mental development based on their understanding of the patients with whom they have worked intensively over some years. An understandable criticism of psychoanalytic theories since the time of Freud has been the charge of being culture bound and even class bound. Nevertheless, over the past 100 years, experience of psychoanalyses conducted in many cultures and social classes has supported the basic concepts as having widespread applicability in our attempt to understand what facilitates the development of a capacity to ‘work, love and play’ (Freud) and what goes toward the development of identity and a sense of selfhood alluded to in the first paragraph – as well as the capacity to think.

When is the father in the mind born? It may surprise some – but, on reflection, should not – that the father in the mind has his origins (at least as far as a given baby is concerned) some time before the baby is even conceived, let alone born. It may not be politically correct to say so, but, ideally a baby should be wanted in a couple’s mind before the baby is conceived, with the couple

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both wanting the baby and feeling ready to have a baby in regard to the development of their own lives. We can readily acknowledge that the ideal only rarely can be achieved, but it seems commonsense that a baby born to parents who are settled in their own personal and working lives will come into a more stable emotional environment than a baby born to parents who are still struggling with themselves, each other and the world. Thus the wanting of a baby involves the mother and father having some notion of their own capacity to become a parent and feeling ready to do so. It is easier to describe what is involved in not wanting to be a parent than what is involved in wanting to be a parent. Adults who have had unhappy experiences of childhood themselves often do not want to subject a future child of theirs to similar experiences. They may not trust themselves to avoid being similarly abusive or neglectful as they may feel their own parents were. Some adults may feel that children are so demanding or so difficult that they want to avoid having their own lives disrupted by such troublesome creatures. This might reflect how such adults feel about themselves as a child: demanding or difficult. If both prospective parents feel disinclined to have a child together then naturally enough there will be no baby. But, if a prospective mother has a baby with a reluctant father, then that future father in the mind will be of a very different kind to a father in the mind deriving from a willing and enthusiastic real father. This notion of the experience of the prospective parent’s own experience of childhood influencing the infant’s own developing mind was most clearly articulated by the American psychoanalyst, Selma Fraiberg, and her colleagues in 1975, who called the notion ‘ghosts in the nursery’ (Fraiberg, Adelson & Shapiro, 1975). It was only in the last decade that this concept was subject to empirical study by British psychoanalyst, Peter Fonagy and his colleagues (Fonagy, 1993). These ‘ghosts in the nursery’ are the mental representations of the parents’ own experiences of being parented and go a significant way to influencing how they themselves will parent their infants. All the conscious and unconscious anxieties relating to parenting and parenthood will be active in the nursery. But wait! We haven’t even arrived in the nursery yet. We are still trying to think about the parents’ own attitudes toward, and feelings

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about their own parents and their own expectations and hopes of becoming a parent. For the purposes of this chapter we will confine our attention to the father and fathering. Let us consider an extreme example where a woman deeply desires a baby, yet doesn’t want a man to be involved in the raising of the child. In such instances, it can be recognised that the father in the mind of the prospective mother does not hold out much hope of him becoming a benign influence on the developing mind of the infant. His exclusion from the actual parenting will have begun in the pre-conception of the actual baby…in the conception of the baby in the mind in the mother. Consider too, a mother who herself may have suffered abuse from an alcoholic father. She may with all the conscious will available want to avoid her own baby having such a father. She may select a ‘lovely man’ to become married to, only to her horror, find later in the marriage that he too becomes a heavy drinker, prone to violence. Such a father in mother’s mind becomes an actuality in the future family of this woman. Variations on these themes abound. The point being, that a whole range of prospective father in the mind examples can be imagined before a baby is even conceived: from willing to unwilling; from present to absent; from gentle to violent; from strong to weak, and so on.

The father in the mind during pregnancy When it comes to pregnancy, the importance of an emotionally supportive partner for the pregnant woman cannot be underestimated. The biological father is usually the one involved, but other possibilities can be imagined and occur often enough – either through necessity or choice. (Ideally, the mother’s own mother will be available to provide support too.) The saddest possibility – from both the prospective mother’s and future baby’s perspective – is that no-one supports the pregnant woman at all and she has to cope with this major psychological change in her life alone. Optimally, the mother-to-be will have the loving emotional support of the committed and eager new father, and together they will think about

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and talk about their anticipated baby. They will prepare psychologically and materially for the new baby’s arrival and the developing father in the mind will be well on the way toward meeting the real baby in whose mind he will take up residence. The last few weeks of the pregnancy will hopefully see the prospective parents actually preparing in socio-culturally relevant ways for the much anticipated arrival. This activity – in whatever form it may occur – has been referred to as ‘nesting’ – as in providing a welcoming ‘nest’ to hold the new baby – and, as in some parts of the animal world, the father has an important role to play in this ‘nesting’ activity.

The father in the mind of the early moments of life It can now be appreciated then that the actual new baby arrives into a world already full of mental imagery involving the baby itself. In earlier times, before the advent of ultrasounds, the most anticipated moment, for either parent, would be ‘Is it a boy or a girl?’ Whatever politically correct or non-sexist ideal world we might wish for, we cannot legislate what the mind wishes for or imagines. Perhaps only after ‘Is the baby healthy?’, the gender of the baby will be of significance to both parents in some form or other. Nowadays, many parents choose to know the sex of the baby from early in pregnancy, when this can be ascertained from the routine ultrasound investigations. Psychologically, the sex of the baby will probably be of some significance to the father (and we are focusing on fathers in this book). Readers will be aware that in some cultures boys are valued above girls; in some families and cultures, traditions of inheritance are determined by the gender of the child; sometimes a father’s socio-cultural standing will depend on his wife bearing him a son. Thus, if it is a first baby, many fathers will likely be hoping for a son. If a father has already had, say, two daughters, it is likely that a boy will be all the more hoped for. The variations on this theme are limited only by the imagination of the reader. The point is: whatever the new father may hope or wish, the reality of the actual baby will either match this or not. Thus, it is not difficult to imagine that every new baby risks disappointing (if only in the first few seconds of their life) either or both

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parents simply by not being the hoped for sex. Most fathers will recover from any such disappointment – some may not. However, for any of the many potential psychological or even socio-cultural reasons alluded to, a developing child may have to live with the feeling that they are not the gender that their father may have wished for or desired. Thus, their father in the mind may be one who is eternally disappointed in them and may become the focus of determined efforts to please and impress him or may even influence the nature of future gender identification.

The father in the mind of the early months of life Now we can get down to thinking about the actual experience of the baby as it begins to develop its own mind, bearing in our minds that this is inevitably occurring in a ‘bath’ of parental attitudes and actual behaviours. Mother will naturally be the predominant figure in the baby’s experiences. But – a mother with the active and committed support of a sensitive and caring husband or partner will be far better able to be sensitive to the baby’s needs if her own needs are largely being met. Thus, the baby’s earliest experiences of ‘father’ are indirect: through the support provided to the mother. This experience contributes to the earliest sense of being cared for by a couple, working together for the baby. Again, while the mother will usually be the predominant figure in terms of holding, feeding and changing nappies and clothes, as well as smelling and tasting ‘milky’, the father will be experienced as a ‘different’ kind of holding, a ‘different’ smell and a ‘different’ voice. These ‘different’ experiences will, of course, be also provided by grandmother, grandfather, friends and a variety of others. But, hopefully, the father will be a greater presence than any of these. One of the major psychological tasks for the baby in these early months is to come to recognise ‘difference’. As mother and baby together comprise the ‘feeding couple’, they are strongly linked in terms of emotional and practical day-to-day (and through the night!) life. One psychoanalyst, Winnicott, has gone so far as to assert, ‘there is no such thing as a baby’ (Winnicott, 1965, p.39). He was emphasising the absolute dependence of the baby on the mother, without whom the baby could not

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survive. Nevertheless, this psychological unity of mother and baby is an important and necessary beginning for the growing baby. However, necessary as this early dependence might be, no-one can successfully go through life totally dependent on their mother. There must come a time where independent life begins and the growing baby comes to realise that mother is not a part or extension of themselves. When is the right time for this realisation to occur? No-one can answer this question precisely – but – it occurs sometime in the first year of life: not too early and not too late. This is one of the ineffable aspects of parenting: to be sensitive to the particular baby’s needs and get it right. While there are endless books giving advice on ‘how to’ be a parent, there is never an instruction manual for this baby. Needless to say, we can only hope to get it right enough. Winnicott (1964) has provided us with a useful concept: that of the ‘good enough mother’. We can only ever hope to ‘get it right enough’. The father has an important role to play in this crucial developmental process. He, by being a significant other (apart from the mother–baby couple), provides the baby with the earliest experiences of ‘difference’: someone different. Psychoanalysts regard this developmental process – taking place in the first year of life – as determining the future psychological health of the developing individual. This achievement of psychological separation from mother entails weaning in both a physical and emotional sense, together with the consequent loss of the actual feeding breast and the almost ever-attentive mother. This process involves the earliest psychological experience of mourning and the strongest encounter with the experience of the reality of being a different person with a separate existence. Father will increasingly often have been someone else who holds and feeds the baby, who gets up in the night (at least sometimes) to soothe the baby – and who takes the baby when mother is feeling tired and in need of a rest herself. Psychoanalysts consider that the important appearance of this third person in the up-to-now two-person world of the infant allows the opening up of a ‘triangular space’ between the mother, the father and the baby. It is this mental space which permits the beginnings of thinking about the real world, in contrast to a world of ‘fusion’ with mother who meets one’s every need (Britton, 1989).

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Father helps significantly in this important task of achieving separation. None of us has any real memories of our experiences in the period of life about which we have been talking so far. The descriptions offered so far rely on commonsense observations of family life in our culture together with theoretical constructions involving how psychoanalysts (and many other psychology professionals) understand our mental development to occur. We can now move to a period where actual experiences of the father’s contribution can more readily be remembered and described.

The father in the mind of childhood For the purposes of this section, we will take ‘childhood’ to be the years from when the baby begins to achieve mobility to the onset of adolescence. Now that the baby is out of mother’s arms and moving around the world, father comes to play a more and more important role in his own right. Again, the range of possibilities in any given family’s dynamics are myriad. But the child’s experiences of father in its (his or her) relationship with father and the nature of the relationship with the mother will play a vital role in the kind of identifications that the child consciously and unconsciously forms. Broadly speaking, boys should form positive identifications with their fathers, while girls should strengthen their identifications with mothers, while at the same time developing a father in the mind who is firm, kind, reliable and fair. ‘Fair’ has to do with how the father manages the sibling relationships in the family and how discipline is achieved. Rivalries and jealousies are an important part of life and father will be both an object of rivalry and jealousy in relation to mother as well as in relation to the child’s siblings. Here, perhaps, we can begin to see more clearly that there may well be a discrepancy between how the father actually is and how the father is experienced in the context of these complex family dynamics. The father in the mind of a little girl will be coloured by her relationship with her

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mother – perhaps positively by a positive identification with mother in a good relationship with father, or more negatively by rivalry for father with a mother who is herself negatively experienced by the little girl. The boy’s experience of how his father treats his wife will determine the attitudes of the boy’s own father in the mind toward women. It can significantly determine how the future man will treat the women in his life and will affect his sexual identity and the nature of his sexual relationships (Schecter, 1968). The girl’s experience of how her father regards women in general will be of significance in how the developing young woman sees herself becoming in the world. The attitude of her father in the mind toward her own value as a girl and as a prospective woman will play a large part in the girl’s conscious and unconscious hopes and expectations of her future.

The father in the mind of adolescence All the foregoing developmental stages provide a platform for the allimportant developmental stage of adolescence. Adolescence provides a chance to revisit many developmental issues – as well as the new social opportunities provided by the teenage experiences of secondary school. The beginnings of sexual identity have been laid down in earlier life – but, of course, mainly so in the mind. Now, actual encounters with a range of others will increasingly move toward consolidation of a sexual identity. The father in the mind will comprise a core component of how the adolescent unconsciously believes that relationships are conducted. There is much debate in our society about concepts of masculinity and femininity. Whatever these important (but abstract) concepts may involve, we can be sure that a well-developed individual has both sets of qualities in appropriate enough proportions. The father in the mind plays an important part in the development of both of these sets of qualities. It is perhaps easy to recognise that, in a girl, self-confidence and assertiveness (not unbridled aggression) may derive from either a positive identification with the girl’s father or a direct identification with a mother who has already carved out a successful and independent way of being in the world as a woman – or

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both. It is less easy to recognise that a boy’s kindness and thoughtfulness has anything at all to do with the father at all. Kindness and thoughtfulness are held to be feminine attributes – perhaps in contrast to ruthlessness and action, which are stereotypically seen as masculine attributes. How does a boy acquire these benign attributes of kindness, thoughtfulness, consideration, gentleness and so on without compromising the necessary and desirable more masculine attributes that we associate with being an active go-getter, competitive, ambitious, aggressive and so on? It is not only via a desirable positive identification with his mother but also via the relationship in his mind between a father who values and supports these attributes in himself and others and a mother who embodies them. What about fathers and daughters? Not surprisingly, how a father feels about his daughter will play a significant part in how she comes to feel about herself. Ideally, father will love his daughter and find her an attractive and desirable person – but his feelings of her desirability will never be acted upon. Fathers (and step-fathers, as well as other live-in partners of a girl’s mother) whose own sexual relationships with their partner are not satisfactory are those most likely to act on their own sexual desires. The incest taboo should be and is usually enough to protect the young girl. However, regrettably, not all fathers in these circumstances are able to keep their feelings of desire for their daughters as sexual beings under control and far too often sexually abusive relationships occur when self-gratification overrides any responsibility to care for and respect the daughter. Adolescent girls need to be able to try out their attractiveness and seek confirmation of their desirability (flirting?) in order to gain self-confidence in their femininity. Who better to gain this confirmation from than their very own father? But again, he must not act on his finding her attractive. In refraining from action he contributes to a father in the mind who respects his daughter and does not seek to exploit her. This respectful father in the mind will hopefully ensure that she does not permit herself to enter abusive or exploitative relationships and will seek a partner who is worthy of her own respect. It is the relationship in the mind – in which the father in the mind plays the necessary part, which ultimately determines the sexual identity of the individual. How people treat each other both generally in life and

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especially in sexual relationships, is determined by this man–woman relationship in the mind: that composite of experience and fantasy, which comes to be built up through the various life stages. So far we have thought about ideal or optimal development – what about when things develop along less desirable lines? To focus more closely on fathers and sons, we can appreciate that sons who are themselves cruelly treated, abused, neglected or denigrated and humiliated by their fathers will almost certainly internalise these attributes and come to treat any future partner or future child similarly. Absent fathers – either permanent absence through death or divorce, or physical and emotional absence through work – will have a profound effect on the developing boy. The father who is not there will leave a gap in the hoped for balanced man–woman relationship in the mind, which may be filled in some way, by another male family member or well thought of teacher – or left unbalanced.

Development of the ability to think We are familiar with common language phrases like ‘conceiving an idea’, ‘giving birth to an idea’, ‘a penetrating insight’, ‘I get your thrust’, etc. These common enough usages have a remarkably ‘sexual/reproductive’ aspect to them and possibly derive from a folk-psychological awareness of the deeper psychological origins of development of the capacity to think. From a psychoanalytic perspective, this is explained by a relatively more recent psychoanalytic concept (like a ‘conception’!) that thinking itself develops from the creation of a space to think which opens up in the mind when the father helps the child separate from the close dependent relationship with the mother – and – that the creative relationship itself between the father in the mind and the mother in the mind comprises the prototype of creative thinking: productive and fertile, being receptive to outside input, actively questing for new ideas, being able to hold onto thoughts and let them ‘gestate’ and so on. The reader may well be thinking, ‘everybody develops a capacity to think’ – and so they do (to varying degrees). But what is intended here is the capacity to think more or less realistically, that is, in conformity with

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the real world. This more mature realistic thinking is far less dominated by projections from the internal world onto the outside world and far less dominated by wishful thinking than the kind of thinking that we associate with the thinking processes of early childhood. Earlier in this chapter much was made of the notion of coming to recognise the real world – as opposed to that dominated by conscious and unconscious fantasy. Our English phrase ‘coming to understand’ is synonymous with the word ‘realise’. Realising is coming to understand: for a child to come to understand the real world involves its being able to differentiate their internal (fantasy) world from the external real world. It is no accident that the development of words in our language reflects important psychological processes. Thus, the father plays an important role in introducing the infant to the real world of others. He helps the infant and child develop a capacity to think more realistically and less narcissistically about himself and the people around him. Psychoanalysts consider that failure to successfully negotiate this important psychological separation from mother and engagement with the real world leaves the individual in a narcissistic personality structure. This implies a self-centred style of thinking, whereby adequate acknowledgement of the legitimate needs of others does not occur and thinking and behaviour are determined largely by the needs of the self.

Conclusion From a psychoanalytical developmental perspective, then, a good enough father emotionally supports the new baby’s mother through her pregnancy and early months of the baby’s life; he helps bring about the child’s psychological and emotional separation from the good enough mother in order to introduce the child into the real world and to facilitate development of a capacity to think realistically. He treats his wife or partner with respect; he loves and values equally his male and female children and treats them fairly. This permits the psychological development of a good enough person who can then make their own way effectively in the real world, without needing to exploit or abuse others.

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References Albrechtsen, J. Fathers are not optional. The Australian, May 7, 2003. Arndt, B. Children of a Lesser Dad. Weekend Edition, Sydney Morning Herald, Dec. 21, 2002. Britton, R. (1989). The missing link: parental sexuality in the Oedipus complex. In J. Steiner (Ed.), The Oedipus Complex Today, pp. 83–101. London: Karnac Books. Fonagy, P. (1993). Psychoanalytic and empirical approaches to developmental psychopathology: An object-relations perspective. Journal of the American Psychoanalytical Association, 41(S), 245–60 Fraiberg, S., Adelson, E., & Shapiro, V. (1975). Ghosts in the nursery: A psychoanalytic approach to the problem of impaired infant–mother relationships. Journal of the American Academy of Child Psychiatry, 14, 387–422. Mordue, M. About a dad: The Forgotten Parent. Weekend Edition, Sydney M0rning Herald, March 29, 2003, p.8. O’Hagan, S. The End of Men? Good Weekend, Sydney M0rning Herald, Nov. 9. 2002. Schecter, D. (1968). The Oedipus complex: Considerations of ego development and parental interaction. Contemporary Psychoanalysis, 4, 111–36. Winnicott, D.W. (1965). The maturational processes and the facilitating environment: Studies in the theory of emotional development. New York: International Universities Press.

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CHAPTER 7

A feminist perspective on fathering Joanne Howard*

BIOGRAPHY Jo Howard is a social worker and family therapist who manages the Community, Youth and Family Health Program at a community health service in inner Melbourne. She has an extensive background in working with domestic violence and sole mothers and initiated the Bringing Up Boys group for sole mothers raising sons. She has also been involved in men’s behavioural change programs, and parenting groups for violent men. Jo has been part of a reference group, the Men’s Responsibility Group, which addresses men’s violence, for almost a decade. She has published two books: Mothers and Sons and a parenting manual on Bringing up Boys.

Introduction Until the early eighties the notion of fathering was not greatly researched nor did it receive much discussion in parenting circles. However, as recent changes in society have led to a re-questioning of gender roles and expectations in the family, and the restructuring of the global economy has placed new demands on families, it is fathering that has come to the fore as the parenting issue of the new millennium. The focus on fathering fits with the questioning of new and different notions of the family, fertility, sexuality, the workplace and the role of

* Acknowledgements: Thanks to Bob Pease, Selma Macfarlane, Dr Ron Schweitzer and Kathy Wilson for their input.

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men and women in a constantly evolving society. The players range from those who have adopted a pro-feminist, socio-economic framework to understand the construction of masculinity, fatherhood and gender relations, to those who might be described as part of the men’s rights movement and attribute their stance, at least in part, to a reaction against feminism and of the dismantling of patriarchal practices. Some argue that this focus indicates a shift by fathers towards egalitarian partnership in the home and greater responsibility to their children. Others argue that, on the contrary, this increased interest in fathering is driven by a defence of ‘men’s rights’ and as a reaction against social changes that have eroded the power and privilege enjoyed by men in the traditional nuclear family context. Historically it is men who have decided what is significant and appropriate to research, how to research it and what knowledge to pass on or reject (Spender, 1982). Much of the research into fathering, particularly the father–son relationship, is conducted from masculinist research perspectives which has at times resulted in a narrow and often ideologically driven framework, painting a dimension of fathering that often excludes the voices of women, girls and marginalised men. Much of the focus, which is mostly promulgated by white, middle class, heterosexual men, plays into a damaging and misleading idealisation of fathers and the role men play in families (Samuels, 1996, p. 101). Its impact on the development of social policy is of concern given the strongly psychological focus, rather than an examination of fathering within the economic, social and political context. The subsequent possibility of discrimination against gays and lesbians, sole mothers and de facto couples is disquieting given its largely uncritical acceptance. This chapter will reflect on fathering from a feminist perspective. It will explore why the emphasis on fathering is occurring now and explore some of the different perspectives. It will conclude with some suggestions as to how to progress the current focus in a constructive and profeminist way, which takes into account social justice. The following themes are to be found in literature on fathering from the men’s rights movement: • fatherhood is biologically defined, rather than socially, economically or culturally constructed;

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• fatherhood is something individual men do because of their gender – mothers can’t father; • ‘fatherlessness’ is evidence of moral decay in society and policy makers are encouraged to take action to reinstate ‘family values’ and ‘heterosexual marriage’; • there is a yearning for ‘the good old days’, with the ways of tribal societies exemplified as the way forward; • the relationship between father and son is given greater emphasis than that of father and daughter; and • the presence of a father (or male role model) is essential in the raising of well-balanced boys. The context in which fathering is considered is inseparable from how boys are faring in today’s world. Many of these writers perceive that boys are suffering and faring poorly, whilst girls are thriving. A number of key writers, particularly those in the men’s rights movement, believe feminism has done men irreparable damage and a call to the good old days of patriarchy is needed to set things straight. The current Men Web website includes an interview with Farrell (1994), The Myth of Male Power, and an article by David Shakleton, The War Against Men, which purport that men are victimised in a post-feminist society. On the same website Gurian (Men Web, www.menmag, retrieved November 11, 2002) claims, ‘The model for the old patriarchal training was correct…It’s the patriarchal frame, but it’s not just patriarchal. It’s two million years old. It’s a pre-patriarchal, testosterone-driven frame.’ The debate over the wellbeing of boys is not the subject of this paper, however it is important to touch on as it so closely conflates with the stance of the men’s rights movement in relation to feminism and the role of fathers. We are given to believe that boys are not faring well in society as a direct consequence of girls’ success. We are given evidence of boys’ poorer academic success, higher suicide rates and participation in ‘at risk’ behaviours as indications that this is a ‘truth’ which is indicative of the impact of fatherlessness. The variables chosen as evidence that boys fare less well than girls are those that support the men’s rights movement ideology. If other variables such as attempted suicide rates, prevalence of eating disorders and selfharm, sexual harassment and assault and depression were used we might

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instead come to believe that girls are seriously in trouble (Howard, 2001, p. 270). An analysis of how boys compare with girls after school, particularly after tertiary education, in terms of employment in positions of power, privilege and financial remuneration would indicate that there is another side to the argument that boys are faring poorly. It is not my intention to reach a conclusion about who is worse off, and there are certainly serious issues pertaining to the wellbeing of men and boys, which need to be addressed. However, it does bear considering why certain authors wish to make gendered comparisons which may lead to a reaction against supporting girls to gain their full potential, at the expense of newer programs for boys. Some authors can be seen to be complicit in the development of either/or paradigms, which are unhelpful in addressing the current issues for young people. The rhetoric relating to the ‘plight’ of boys and men in society has largely been accepted as truth and has served to depoliticise the issues affecting both men and women (McMahon, 1999, p. 5).

What is fathering? What do we mean by ‘fathering’? The term ‘fathering’ is a gendered term. We speak of children being ‘parented’, but attach different perceptions, attitudes and values to the terms ‘mothering’ and ‘fathering’. Conversely, we do not speak of ‘fathering’ as something women can do, nor ‘mothering’ as something men can do. This is a strong inference that a parent’s gender might offer something unique and special. Can men mother and can women father? Or is mothering a distinct activity that only women can do and vice versa for fathering? In the 1950s the term ‘father’ was equated with the term ‘provider’. In the decades of the 50s and 60s, marriage rates achieved their historical peak in the Western world (Gillis, 2000, p. 231), and it is not coincidental that this post-war period was also a period of prosperity and peace, where post-welfare policy supported family life through greater access to resources such as education, housing, and employment. Whilst a father’s role was as provider, a mother’s was as ‘nurturer’ of both children and fathers. Mothers were seen to have a soothing and civilising influence on men. (Silverstein & Auerbach, 1999). In the post-war

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period women were encouraged back to the home by the lure of labour saving appliances and a stronger emphasis on ‘femininity’ being equated with homemaking and child-rearing. By the 21st century, the world economy with its commitment to radical individualism allowed market forces to take over every sphere of life, including the family itself (Gillis, 2000, p. 234). Although the overwhelming burden of mothering and homemaking is still assigned to women, women are more likely than ever before to work outside the home. Most men who work outside the home, do far less housework than their partners who may work outside the home (McMahon, 1999). Domestic responsibility has not received great attention from the men’s rights movement, yet the idea of fathers sharing the parenting has grown so that it is now couples who are pregnant. The fact that men change nappies and are part of the birthing process is cited as a true reflection of men’s involvement in the parenting process (McMahon, 1999, p. 120). Much of the research on fathering has focused on how much time men spend with their children (Lamb, 2000, pp. 29–30), rather than the nature of their relationships with family members. Fatherhood is a social, cultural and historical construct. The construction of fatherhood changes over time and across cultures and in response to economic and social contexts. This has been largely ignored by the men’s rights movement, which favours an essentialist framework that assumes that biologically different reproductive functions of men and women automatically construct essential differences, as a way of understanding fathering (Silverstein & Auerbach, 1999). Father involvement is seen as something one dimensional, either present or not, (Cabrera & Peters, 2000), rather than a continuum where, for example, some fathers who live with their children rarely see them, and others who are separated from their partners may spend more time with their children than when they lived with them. This emphasis on biology has moved the domain of fathering into a psychological, rather than a political or social framework. McMahon (1999) notes that this focus on fathering remains separate from any discussion about women’s role in the home, particularly that of the division of labour. Whilst there is some acknowledgment that fathers are playing a more active role with their children and supporting their partners, the

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division of labour continues in the home, and men are more inclined to act as helpers rather than to equally share the load and responsibilities of family life (McMahon, 1999). Those who push the fathering agenda place a strong emphasis on the wellbeing of children, particularly boys, and men, as fathers. Much of the emphasis on fathering seems about assisting men to find a place to anchor their male identity and to find a role in the family for themselves, rather than facilitating equitable relationships in the home.

Fathering as a reaction to the feminist movement It is no coincidence that the emphasis on fathering, and accompanying stigmatisation of women who parent alone, has followed in the wake of the feminist revolution. The impact these changes had on the tenets that supported male domination of society has left many men utterly unsure of their personal roles (Samuels, 1996). Some men experience the effects of the feminist revolution as threatening to their male psyche. The fact that men are capable of being biologically outmoded, particularly with the use of IVF technology and by alternative family types such as sole mother and lesbian families, may compound some men’s uncertainty. ‘Women go and have sperm injections and have babies and there’s nothing seen to be wrong with that. The kind of assumption is that men are disposable.’ (Biddulph cited in Safe, 1997, p. 14)

1. The Mytho Poetic Men’s Movement There are an estimated 600 men’s groups in Australia (Safe, 1997) ranging from pro-feminist to clearly anti-feminist groups. The most vocal and well known of these is the Mytho Poetic men’s movement with its concern for the plight of men in a post-feminist society. This movement can also be described as the ‘men’s rights movement’ (Pease, 1997, p. xi). This movement sees men as a homogenous group who, because they are men, have similar experiences and issues. They do not seek to understand the meaning of men’s experience in a broader context, for example that of Indigenous men, men who live in third world countries, gay men, disabled men, or poor and homeless men.

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This movement rarely acknowledges that men have power over women; in fact it frequently argues that men and boys are the victims of a post-feminist world (see, for example, Farrell, 1994). It is largely concerned with locating a core identity and definition of manhood, and fatherhood becomes a vehicle in which to anchor such an identity. This movement pushes a strong moral paradigm, which argues for a return to more traditional ways. This yearning for the ‘good old days’ persists despite the fact that the nuclear family was a short-lived phenomenon, if it existed at all, linked to an economic and industrial context at a certain point in history (Samuels, 1996). For some men the embracing of the men’s rights movement is contextualised by a fearfulness of, and a reaction to, their perception that they are now living in ‘a woman’s world’. Many men feel displaced, dissatisfied and redundant as a result of changes the feminist movement has brought to women’s lives. Many men have in fact become disenfranchised and economically disadvantaged through changes in the global economy, yet perceive feminism as the enemy. However, disadvantage is structured into differences other than those of gender (Samuels, 1996, p.112). Feminism is often perceived as ‘one-sided’, of benefit only to women’s lives. Because men are and always have been deeply frightened, they create a ‘backlash’ against women. When feminism is one-sided, it fuels just such a reaction. Violent men, for instance…are rarely angry below the surface bluster. Scared, yes; lonely, yes. Anger is only a cover. (Biddulph, 1995, p. 24)

This ‘cover’ continues to have devastating effects on women and children, a reality rarely overtly expressed by the men’s rights movement. Rather than offering insight that men may be disadvantaged (in terms of health, emotional wellbeing and social connectedness) by dominant forms of masculinity (Wright & Rodnight, 2002), feminism is seen as the root cause of men’s maladies, and much energy is expended on ‘proving’ that it is men who are the oppressed victims of a post-feminist society. The fact that it is mainly men, and often fathers, who perpetrate the majority of the sexual, emotional and physical abuse of women and children is sadly overlooked by much of the men’s rights movement. The issue of men’s abuse and violence in the family is not raised. We do not

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hear these groups cry out against child abuse or demand men take responsibility for their violence. My 15 years work in family violence, with men, women and children, has illuminated that many men who use violence against women and children believe they have a moral ‘right’ and ‘duty’ as ‘head of the household’ and father to discipline and control family members. Many of these men speak of the emotional and physical abuse they experienced from their own fathers. They also express a desire to be more emotionally connected with their children and partners and a preference for the relationships to continue. Despite this, they continue to perpetrate violence on the ones they most care about, often minimising, denying, excusing their behaviours and blaming others. The ramifications are huge, both in the personal costs to those who witness or experience their violence, and to society which bears the social and economic costs when children’s development is compromised, women experience depression and anxiety, family relationships splinter and the welfare, medical, housing, criminal justice and legal systems attempt to respond. Those who argue that ‘fatherlessness’ is a sign of moral decay, such as Blankenhorn (1995), would do well to reflect on the legacy that family violence imparts. Instead of focusing on the reclamation of ‘manhood’, they could advocate for the importance of a systemic and holistic response to addressing the context in which family violence continues to thrive, one that contributes enormously to divorce, separation and poorer outcomes for children. The Mytho Poetic men’s movement appears to link its view of fathering with ‘…a longing to return to a pre-feminist historical period: a mythological age where men were warriors and gods…’ (Gilbert & Gilbert, 1984, p. 94). Gender is seen as an essential and immutable state rather than a combination of biological, historical and socially constructed performance. Masculinity is intrinsically linked with fathering, and both are seen to be devalued by the repercussions of the feminist movement. The most radical groups in the men’s rights movement are the Blackshirts and their American cousins, the Promise Keepers. The Blackshirts are ‘…dedicated to support any and all who crave to bring back the very term marriage and family and stand against any force or power bent on corrupting children or the dismantling of the

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family unit or the destruction of the marriage’. (Blackshirts Home Page, www.blackshirts.info, retrieved September 12, 2002) The manifesto calls for men to unite to protect their children, families and marriages. There is strong innuendo for fathers to follow their conscience, their ‘God given knowledge’ (Blackshirts Home Page, www.blackshirts.info, retrieved September 12, 2002). The manifesto particularly raises the issues of residency and contact, divorce (adultery) and interim intervention orders as barriers to men’s rights. Elements of the men’s rights movement emphasise a return to more patriarchal, authoritarian and ultra conservative ways, particularly in the domestic domain – ‘I’m not asking that you ask for your role back, I’m urging you to take it back’ (Promise Keepers, 1994, p. 79). The notion of fathering is intrinsically linked with men’s ‘right’ and ‘natural’ domain as head of the family. Tribal cultures are often held as examples of ‘the way forward’ in the being of men and the raising of boys. Some proponents of the men’s rights movement are often active in seeking to repress the gains made by women over the past three decades. They seek to challenge the recognition of gay and lesbian rights and are a vocal and influential lobby group for law reform in the Family Court and Child Support Scheme to provide ‘better’ outcomes for men.

2. The notion of ‘father hunger’ or ‘underfathering’. The terms ‘father hunger’, ‘underfathering’ and ‘fatherlessness’ are inherent in the emotionally charged language used by the men’s rights movement. Fatherlessness is seen as a sign of society’s moral decay and the cause of a range of problems from low mathematics scores to juvenile homicide (Gillis, 2000, p. 226). ‘The Men’s Movement traces many boys’ problems, especially violence and misbehaviour, to an unconscious expression of father-hunger’ (Biddulph, 1997, p.13). ‘By playing up, boys and young men are showing their need to be engaged, valued and disciplined by strong, loving male figures’ (Biddulph, 1997, p.13). The explanation for the cause of any difficulties confronting boys and men is taken as an unquestionable truth and is often used to explain men’s poor behaviour and the perceived lack of meaning and purpose in men’s lives. Boys who do not receive ‘active fathering’ are given poor prognoses.

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Father hunger is described as ‘…a gaping wound many men feel even if they can’t name it. It’s that strange sense of emptiness that men have when they look at their fathers and when they should be closer than they are’ (Theophilou, Sunday Age, 14 July 1996). The consequences for this underfathering are seen to be extreme. ‘Father absence damages daughters, but it positively cripples boys’ (Biddulph, 1995, p. 2048) and So for a boy to progress successfully, he must have an adequate and available father or other male role model from 6 years onward. If this does not happen, he may become ‘mother bound’ and turn into the kind of man who relates to women in an infantile way – such as many domestically violent men do, or men who have multiple failed marriages or who are unfaithful. (Biddulph, 1995, p. 2050)

The antidote for ‘father hunger’ is seen for young men to be taken away from the influence of women and to bond with men in order to discover the essential core of manhood and connect with the masculine heritage of their fathers (Pease, 1997, p. 53). The presumption is that all will be well once men have strengthened the emotional connection with their sons. The apocalyptic picture of the consequences of father absence characterises the father role as uni-dimensional, either physically present or not (Cabrera & Peters, 2000, p. 298). It is not clear how ‘absent’ men have been from their families, for example Lerman and Sorensen (1999) report that two thirds of fathers of children born out of wedlock have a substantial amount of contact with at least one non-marital child. There is scant acknowledgment that the presence, rather than absence, of some fathers, particularly where there has been emotional or physical abuse and violence, is a strong contributor to children’s poorer outcomes. In addition, the impact of family conflict on boys is compounded by the social prescriptions for masculinity, with the emphasis on being strong at all costs, repressing emotions, being a winner and the embargo on seeking emotional support. Father absence is seen as the only variable that impacts on boys’ wellbeing. Other related variables including lack of income and access to resources, the absence of a second or other supportive adult, social isolation, marginalisation and the huge economic and cultural changes in society are not accounted for, although studies of families in the Western world indicate a strong correlation between the absence of a resident father and poverty (Cabrera & Peters, 2000). These variables

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have significant repercussions on the health, cognitive development, social behaviour and psychological wellbeing of children. Women’s relationships with boys within patriarchal societies are often seen as a threat to reproducing masculine values (Pease, 1997, p. 54). This and the overwhelming emphasis on the father–son relationship, perpetuate an ethos that women have little to offer in the raising of boys, especially past infancy. Rather than increasing boys’ opportunities for support and guidance in negotiating the world, they encourage a withdrawal by mothers, and an undervaluing of women by sons. Mothers are in an uncertain and paradoxical position. They must still mother but be ready to relinquish their emotional closeness with their sons when the time is right for the father to step in. A young man’s wish to retain connectedness with his mother often involves ‘a determination to resist and challenge dominant constructions of masculinity’ (Pease, 1997, p. 55). Boys who are close to their mothers are often treated with derision or labelled ‘mummies’ boys’. A pro-feminist perspective on fathering offers a different way of looking at boys’ connection not only with their fathers, but also with family and the broader community. In this way it provides an invitation to consider new ways of defining masculinity and relating as men. It ensures that boys still retain much needed support and guidance and emotional connection from all adults in their lives. In 1994, family therapists Olga Silverstein and Beth Rashbaum wrote a book called The Courage to Raise Good Men. They were interested in exploring how boys were raised to be men and what boys might lose in that process. They discovered that many men had experienced a sense of great loss and betrayal from their perceived rejection by their mothers (Silverstein & Rashbaum, 1994). Mothers on the other hand, felt that society demanded their withdrawal from their sons, so as not to ‘contaminate’ them with their femininity. Mothers may interpret the emphasis on fathers and sons relationships to mean that they must distance themselves emotionally and physically from their sons and that they can no longer trust their intuition about what is right in the raising of their sons. I would argue that the focus on ‘father hunger’ is emotional and unsubstantiated as the key cause behind any masculinity malaise yet is given enormous weight by the men’s rights movement (Biddulph, 1994; Blankenhorn, 1995; Bly, 1990). This is not to say that many men do not

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regret the lack of emotional closeness in their relationship with their father. However, the notion of father hunger is given disproportionate weight and decontextualised from the economic, political and social influences on our lives today. Whilst attempts to facilitate stronger and closer connections between fathers and their children are to be supported, the notion of fatherlessness is a limiting and unhelpful term and will not move us forward into addressing the key issues of parenting today.

3. Mother blaming The proliferation of mother blaming began in earnest following World War II (perhaps as mothers were starting to show interest in the benefits of work outside the home). Mothers were warned and held responsible for the consequences of emasculating their sons, and failing to protect their daughters. They were advised by parenting ‘experts’ on how to maintain that delicate balance of being affectionate, attentive and nurturing but not smothering or over-involved. Mothers who were seen to have breastfed their baby boys for too long were frowned upon. Most lived in dread of raising an insufficiently masculinised boy and the profound consequences of this on child and mother. Mothers’ relationships to their sons have long been used as an explanation for men’s pathology. It is largely mothers, not fathers, who bear responsibility for any deviation from ‘normal’ development in their children. In 1985, Caplan and Hall-McCorquodale reviewed 125 articles from relevant journals finding 72 distinct types of psychopathology that were attributed to mothers by the various authors (Caplan & Hall-McCorquodale, 1985). They also found a tendency to idealise fathers, whose behaviour was not seen as contributing to pathology in children. Family therapy and psychological literature has been attributed as the cause of several ‘dysfunctional’ psychological states to mothers. Examples are the ‘double bind’ theory of schizophrenia, depression, murder, sexual deviancy and homosexuality. Mothers have been blamed for being on the one hand too loving – overprotective, over-close, smothering, seductive, devouring; or the reverse – unresponsive, rejecting, castrating, hostile, angry (Silverstein & Rashbaum, 1994, p. 23). When

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children witness or experience abuse, there is a tendency by statutory child protection departments to focus on the mother’s failure to protect the children rather than on the perpetrator of violence (Irwin, Waugh & Wilkinson, 2002). In the new millennium, mother blaming has shifted to a focus on women having children out of wedlock, initiating separation or divorce, especially if the woman has sons, and obstructing the essential relationship between father and son. Women are also accused of dollar grabbing for claiming Child Support entitlements, and greed for seeking Residence and Contact Orders. Much of the men’s rights literature argues that it is mothers’ attitudes and behaviours that circumvent father–child contact once the relationship has ended. For example, Blankenhorn (2000) argues that when a father leaves the family, the mother typically diminishes his role by either forgetting him or keeping her resentments alive. These arguments pay scant attention to the complex dynamics that surround contact where family violence has been present, nor the reality that many fathers lack the emotional means and desire to maintain a good connection with their child, particularly after they have re-partnered. Sole mothers experience a high level of blame, with accusations ranging from their irresponsibility for conceiving out of wedlock, to failure to maintain their relationship and provide adequate support for their children. Scant attention is given to men’s responsibility for planned parenthood and the continued support for their children, regardless of whether their relationship endures. ‘We know many more women are choosing single motherhood when, faced with an unwanted pregnancy, they are rejecting the alternatives favoured by previous generations – adoption, abortion and shotgun marriages’ (Arndt, 1996, p.15). It seems that any father is better than no father, that women hold total responsibility for family planning and there are never reasons to deny or restrict a child’s contact. Every day in Australia, women are making decisions which deny children access to their fathers and sometimes even knowledge of who their fathers were. And in choosing to raise children in a single parent family, the sad truth is many are sentencing their offspring to a lesser life. (Arndt, 1996, p. 15)

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Fathering as a joining with the feminist movement The feminist movement led some men to question their role, as men, in perpetuating the oppression of others and to consider the socio-culturalpolitical contexts of gender, class, race and sexuality. The development of the pro-feminist men’s movement has led to an exploration of how patriarchy impacts on men’s and others’ lives. This movement is interested in exploring other ways of being and relating as men, not just to women and children, but as part of a new world order which privileges non-hierarchical and non-competitive ways and emphasises equality, responsibility, respect and cooperation. As well as creating greater harmony in the broader society, such a shift would contribute towards boys and men feeling happier, healthier and better connected with others. Rather than seeing men as victims of the feminist movement, the profeminist men’s movement sees opportunities to be gained through a feminist analysis of men’s place in the world and by an acknowledgement of the value women add to men’s lives. Writers from this perspective include Bob Pease, David Denborough and Anthony McMahon in Australia. David Denborough (2000) who has worked with many groups of men states, In speaking with young men I am told time and again that resisting the prescriptions of masculinity takes courage and that they need support. So often they say, the support comes from loving relationships with their sisters, younger or older, or with their mothers…or with women teachers.

Denborough asks, how can we learn to care for younger men in ways that build upon their connections with women rather than taking them away from them? Others, such as Andrew Samuels (1996) in England, argue that any redefinition of the role of fathers needs to be in line with the needs of mothers and children, and one that practises tolerance of difference in family structure. These authors are still cognisant of ‘men’s issues’ but contextualise them in a broader socio-cultural-political framework. They are interested in how the social construction of gender and definitions of masculinity and fatherhood have led to different and often unhelpful approaches in

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the raising of children and family relationships. This perspective supports variations of family life; for example Pollack (1999) contends that a sole mother can be a wonderful parent. He argues that having a male in the life of a boy raised by a sole mother is helpful, …not because single mothering interferes with the development of masculinity or because boys somehow require testosterone-charged models, but rather because bringing adult male friends into a boy’s life simply means there will be more love to go around. (Pollack, 1999, p. 95)

Pollack supports a partnership model of parenting. Fathers also strengthen their relationships with their sons indirectly by supporting the children’s relationships with their mothers…an important component of effective fathering is the ability to weave comfortably in and out of his son’s relationship with his mother. (Pollack, 1999, p. 122–123)

Where to in the focus on fathering? The current focus on fathering is essentially a debate about men’s place in the world, as much as about their relationships with their children. This focus is timely and offers men a way to explore new and different paradigms of constructing masculinity and re-thinking fatherhood. The broadening of school based curricula to include programs that target children who may be vulnerable or isolated, such as same sex attracted young people, children from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds, Indigenous children, children raised in impoverished environments and children who are not academically orientated is timely but must include both boys and girls. We need to consider the issue of gender reform, rather than reform that privileges one gender over another. Rather than an emphasis on developing curricula that reinforce unhelpful prescriptions of masculinity, greater emphasis needs to be on assisting boys to challenge these and develop skills to assist their exploration of other ways of being male. We need to consider alternatives to academically based programs and to give greater attention to programs that foster life skills for both girls and boys. Programs to assist men to explore new and different ways of fathering and to support them in the challenge of raising children are a positive

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development, as long as they are respectful of and inclusive of the needs of both boys and girls, and women and mothers. Girls start to learn about parenting from infancy; boys too need to receive similar encouragement and support. The pro-feminist men’s movement is mindful that fatherhood does not occur in a vacuum of economic, social and political context. In exploring why men lose connection with those they most care about, we must also explore how certain structures in society contribute to men’s continued isolation, disconnection and alienation. The pro-feminist men’s movement has utilised feminist analysis to explore ways to facilitate greater equality and emotional connection between men and women. Many men are now thinking about fathering not just in relation to their own needs, but also the needs of their partner and children. The move to encourage fathers to examine their place in the family, to contribute equally to the caring of children and household tasks and to be more emotionally connected with their children is heartening. The issue of fathering is a highly emotive issue. The men and women who set the fathering agenda must be mindful of their own psychological processes at play and be wary of reacting out of defensiveness and fear, rather than constructively contributing to discussions that will impact positively on families, whatever their structure. It is of great importance that the notion of family is not decontextualised from the social, economic, cultural and political structures in which it exists. Fathers are in an excellent position to explore new ways of parenting. So far very little of the fathering literature has focused on the opportunities to contribute to policy development and practice that is inclusive, non-blaming and supports pro-equity change, or a positive recognition of different family relationships and parenting. The fathering focus offers great scope to explore ways fathers can contribute to challenging the social pattern that only women look after small babies and that housework is still the prime domain of women (Samuels, 1996, p. 118). It offers ways to ensure the raising of children includes an equal focus on the needs of girls and boys, to foster a culture in which parenthood and work can coexist, and to work towards cooperative and less hierarchical forms of familial, social and political organisation. In doing so men will move forward in a positive way to redefine masculinity and build stronger connection with others.

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References Arndt, B. Being single-minded about motherhood. The Age, July 30, 1996. Biddulph, S. (1995). Manhood. Sydney: Finch. Biddulph, S. (1995). Healthy masculinity starts in boyhood. Australian Family Physician, 24(11), 2047–52. Biddulph, S. (1997). Making school a better place for boys. In Relatewell, Journal of the Family Relationships, 1(5), 13. Coburg, Victoria: Institute Inc and the Australian College of Educators for Relationships, Marriage and Family, The Family Relationships Institute. Blackshirts home page, retrieved September 12, 2002 from www.blackshirts.info. Blankenhorn, D. (1995). Fatherless America: Confronting our most urgent social problem. New York: Basic Books. Blankenhorn, D. The death of fatherhood. The Age, n.d., 2000. Bly, R. (1990). Iron John: A book about men. New York: Routledge. Cabrera, N., & Peters, H. E. (2000). Public Policies and Father Involvement. Marriage and Family Review, 29(4), 295–314. Caplan, P.J., & Hall-McCorquodale, I. (1985). Mother blaming in major clinical journals. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 55(3), 345–53. Denborough, D. (2000). Men’s relationships: a younger man’s perspective. Retrieved September 12, 2002 from http://law.gov.au/aghome/commaff/lafs/frsp/mensforum/people/denbo rough.html. Farrell, W. (1994). The Myth of Male Power: Why men are the disposable sex. Milsons Point, NSW: Random House Australia. Gilbert, R., & Gilbert, P. (1998). Masculinity Goes to School. Sydney: Allen & Unwin. Gillis, R. (2000). Marginalization of fatherhood in Western countries. Childhood, 7(2), 225–38. Howard, J. (2001). Mothers and Sons – Bringing up boys as a sole parent. Melbourne: Lothian. Irwin, J., Waugh, F., & Wilkinson, M. (2003). Domestic Violence and Child Protection: A research report. Australian Domestic & Family Violence Clearinghouse, (13), 4–6.

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Lamb, M. (2000). The history of research on father involvement, an overview. In H. Peters, G. Peterson, S. Steinmetz and R. Day (Eds). Fatherhood: Research, intervention and policies. USA: Haworth Press. Lerman, R.I., & Sorensen, E. (2000). Father involvement with their nonmarital children: Patterns, determinants, and the effects on their earnings. Marriage and Family Review, 29(213), 137–158. Lewis, R., & Salt, R. (1986). Men in Families. Newbury Park: Sage. McMahon, A. (1999). Taking Care of Men: Sexual Politics in the Public Mind. Australia: Cambridge University Press. Men Web home page, retrieved November 11, 2002 from www.menmag. Pease, B. (1997). Men and Sexual Politics: Towards a profeminist practice. Adelaide: Dulwich Centre Publications. Pollack, W. (1999). Real Boys. New York: Owl Books. Promise Keepers. (1994). Seven Promises of a Promise Keeper, Focus on the Family. Colorado Springs. Safe, M. Boys to men. The Australian Magazine, August 2/3, 1997. Samuels, A. (1996). The good-enough father of whatever sex. In Partners Becoming Parents: Talks from the Tavistock Marital Studies Institute, pp. 101–18. England: Tavistock. Silverstein, L., & Auerbach, C. (1999). Deconstructing the essential father. American Psychologist, 54(6), 397–407. Silverstein, O., & Rushbaum, B. (1994). The Courage to Raise Good Men. New York: Penguin. Spender, D. (1982). Invisible Women: The schooling scandal. London: Writers and Readers. Theophilou, N. Sons of the fathers. The Sunday Age, October 22, 1997. Wright, M., & Rodnight, V. (2002). Gender: Issues and Dilemmas in a Casework/Counselling Team. Presented at the Australian Psycho-therapy Conference, Melbourne.

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Fathers’ role in family services: the Engaging Fathers Project Richard Fletcher

BIOGRAPHY Richard Fletcher is the project leader for the Engaging Fathers Project. As a lecturer in health at the University of Newcastle, he has researched and presented on fatherhood, boys’ education and men and boys’ health. He was a founder of the community group, ‘Fathers Against Rape’.

Introduction Getting dads involved? How hard can that be? If dads are part of the family, and services are there to support the family, dads will presumably be invited to participate, won’t they? Well, no. It doesn’t seem to work that way. Although the evidence is scattered, the overall picture is unmistakable: fathers are rarely involved in postnatal nursing visits, preschools, play groups, long day care centres, children’s health services, family support services, neighbourhood centres or primary and secondary schools. Mothers are the first contact point, the main carers involved, and it is mothers that services have in mind when they say ‘family’ or ‘parent’. It is the mothers who know how services work. And it is often other mothers, or at least other females, who provide the service. In agencies that are designed to help children, such as those mentioned above, front-line workers are almost always women while senior executives are more often men. This means that the service delivery interface with families is a woman-to-woman affair and family work, keeping the children functioning well, is unmistakably women’s business.

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The Engaging Fathers Project Changing family-related services to recruit and involve fathers is the central concern of the Engaging Fathers Project, based in the Family Action Centre at the University of Newcastle, NSW. The project, which is funded by the Bernard van Leer Foundation of the Netherlands, aims to improve children’s wellbeing by involving fathers in their lives. The Australian project based in Newcastle and encompassing the wider Hunter Valley in NSW, like similar father-focused initiatives in other countries, is a response to recent developments in our understanding of families. Over the last decade there has been an increasing amount of research evidence investigating the effect of fathers on children’s wellbeing. At the same time, there have been significant changes in community values surrounding men’s roles with children. Recent discoveries in neuroscience have established the centrality of secure attachments for infants’ cognitive development and for the establishment of coping skills for adult life (Schore, 2001). While mothers have traditionally been the primary caregivers, infants’ attachment to fathers has also been recognised as crucial for infant development in a recent study (Von Klitzing, Simoni, Amsler, & Burgin, 1999). Among children and adolescents, fathers’ income and education levels have long been accepted as important influences on academic and social success. More recently, however, fathers’ involvement with day-to-day care of children in the home and in outside services such as schools, has been identified as an important factor, both directly benefiting the child and through supporting the mother in her parenting role (Amato, 1994; Hwang & Lamb, 1997; Nord, Brimhall & West, 1997). There has also been a general shift in community values to recognise fathers’ responsibility to provide for and support their offspring (Commonwealth Department of Families and Community Services, 1999) reflected in the increased interest in researching fathers’ behaviour. In his introduction to the third edition of The Role of the Father in Child Development (1997), Lamb points to a shift in researchers’ approach to fathers, from asking ‘Are fathers important?’ to an acceptance that fathers are significant in child development, capable of producing positive or negative outcomes for their children (Lamb, 1997).

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The Engaging Fathers Project has been concerned with the way education, health, family and community services and Indigenous organisations can be supported to better recruit and involve fathers. Our focus on the service delivery context sets the project apart from conventional approaches to fathers. Public debates surrounding fatherhood conducted through popular media channels as well as through academic writings and research have concentrated on what fathers do (or fail to do) within the family household setting (see, for example Lupton & Barclay, 1997). Although men’s behaviours in household settings are important in defining fathers’ roles, we would argue that the way services, such as maternity wards, childcare centres, family support programs and schools, relate to fathers is also strongly defining of fathers’ identities. During the first year of the project, activities were focused on services for children within selected suburbs with high levels of measurable disadvantage such as mortality, low birth weight, child maltreatment, childhood injuries, academic underachievement, psychiatric admissions, crime, and income and emergency relief (Vinson, 1999). In primary schools located in these suburbs, Engaging Fathers Project staff have assisted teachers to stage Father–Son and Father–Daughter Gala Sports afternoons, Dads Smokos, and a Nuts and Bolts of Kids and School course for dads. In early childhood centres, we have helped run Father Information Nights and conducted an Assets of Dads survey to identify possible contributions by fathers to the learning and social activities of the centres. In the second year, the scope of the project was broadened to include antenatal and postnatal services across the Hunter Valley. Fathers’ groups have commenced in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit in Newcastle’s main teaching hospital and also in conjunction with postnatal depression groups for women in community settings. Inviting Dads In workshops have been conducted for staff from services targeting children 0–8 years and Delivering Dads seminars offered to midwives and parenting educators. Research into fathers’ views of parenting classes, volunteering in schools, and literacy programs and surveys of community services and schools to establish levels of father involvement have supported the program development. In developing the project, we have avoided asking fathers to become more like mothers, asking them instead, in their role as fathers, to place

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more emphasis on the care of children. The difference is not simply semantic as there are practical implications for service delivery in how we understand fathers’ roles. Most attempts to increase father involvement in family-related services have been based on the notion of dads acting more like the mums. Existing services, which have evolved with mothers (women) and children as their clientele, have attempted to recruit fathers (men) to be part of what is essentially a woman’s domain where female staff deliver services to women and children in a style attuned to women’s ways of interacting. When these well intentioned attempts at recruitment collapse, as they have done repeatedly, the reason for the failure is put down to dads’ lack of interest or lack of time, or to dads’ unwillingness to give up their power. These explanations, and the approaches based on them, in our view, are either overly indulgent of fathers (they are too busy) or they assume a negative motivation on the part of fathers (they don’t care enough to attend). A more productive approach to father involvement, in our view, is for the service to take responsibility for coconstructing the father’s role to fully encompass the care of children including babies and infants. This can be done by developing, within the everyday activities of the service, specific ways that fathers can contribute to their children’s wellbeing. During the initial months the project has demonstrated that supposedly ‘hard to reach’ fathers can effectively be recruited to existing services and that staff can readily identify potential benefits to children if fathers are involved. With modest resourcing, services are able to evaluate current involvement by fathers, develop activities to attract fathers and identify new areas of involvement for fathers. However, while progress has certainly been made, the process of engaging with fathers has not been straightforward. Far from being a process of minor adjustment, engaging with fathers entails a renegotiation of many of the basic assumptions embedded in service delivery protocols and methods of work. In our experience, it is not practical to resolve all the issues surrounding father involvement in discussion before attempting any activity. It is usually necessary to attempt some initiative for the issues to be unravelled and identified. We have found, for example, that staff easily agree with the statement, ‘Fathers should be more involved,’ but that initial enthusiasm for father involvement is quickly tempered by doubts and questions once a real attempt is made to engage with them.

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For example, a group of midwives discussing (positively) the possibility that fathers might have a single separate session as part of the sixweek parenting education course offered by the hospital system came up with the following questions: • Who will facilitate the men-only groups and will they be qualified? • Who will be responsible for the content and process of the groups? • Will it be an additional class or will it fit into the current structure? If it is the latter, how will this work? • There are 112 birth and parenting programs each year. This means a male facilitator would be required on 112 separate occasions in a year. Can this be done? • What about offering a ‘men only’ session on a regular monthly basis as an alternative? • What evidence is there that men want ‘men only’ groups and will men be given a choice? • What issues will be covered in the ‘men only’ groups? • Wouldn’t it be better to discuss role, relationship and lifestyle issues with couples together? • Who will pay for the facilitator and will there be increased costs for the clients? As the discussion progressed, the group identified so many areas of uncertainty that they wished to postpone any further discussion of father involvement indefinitely. It was not until a second meeting, where midwives who had been conducting male-only sessions in an adjoining region described their work, that momentum to attempt separate fatherspecific sessions began to build. Experiences with service providers across human services have convinced us that the task of engaging with fathers is best conceived as an ongoing action research project necessitating constant review and rethinking in order to creatively develop ways that services can better support fathers and families.

Some general principles of fathers’ involvement In general, our work indicates that fathers are inclined to become involved with their infants or young children through services when three conditions are met:

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1. It is clear to the father that the activity will benefit their child or infant. 2. The point of the father doing the activity is evident; that is, the father understands that the infant or child will benefit if the father, rather than anyone else, performs the activity. 3. What the fathers are supposed to do is readily understood. These conditions provide important guidelines for developing programs and activities for fathers. For example, it is a mistake in our experience to appeal to fathers to become involved because ‘the staff need your help’ or ‘your partner has been doing it all’. A more effective appeal is to stress that the activity will benefit the infant or child. In practical terms, invitations to attend an event or location are often successful if they are seen to be from the infant or child. This can be literally true in the case of toddlers and children; they can fill in or draw on an invitation addressed to their dad. But it can also be utilised in antenatal and perinatal areas, with an image of a baby’s foot for example, to underline that the invitation is on the baby’s behalf. The second condition points to a major issue for existing familyrelated services: to acknowledge and rectify the established pattern of referring to ‘families’ or ‘parents’ when, in reality, only mothers and babies or children are meant. For example, through the project work, we have come to understand that the word ‘parent’ in a brochure or letter from a health, education or welfare organisation, conveys to dads that the information is intended for the mother. To encourage fathers to be constructively involved with their infants or young children, communications will need to be specifically addressed to fathers. This is not just a formality of acknowledgment. Services will have to think through what they believe are the important functions of fathers in promoting children’s wellbeing. The third condition directs services to ensure that their conception of the specific ways that fathers might positively influence children’s wellbeing are communicated clearly to the families involved.

Steps for father involvement A number of practical steps have emerged in applying the principles outlined above: benchmarking, goal setting, examining communication,

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staging activities and advocacy. These steps are not recommended as a once-only fix for father involvement, nor are they necessarily to be undertaken in the order given. Instead, they are suggested as a checklist to encourage repeated cycles of data collection, discussion and decisionmaking activity and reflection.

Step 1 Benchmarking We have found that benchmarking current father involvement is essential. If services are unable to quantify the numbers of fathers and their level of involvement in service-related activities, then they are unlikely to effectively change to engage dads. This is not simply because, without quantification, setting achievable goals is difficult. It is mainly because the process of documenting the specifics of fathers’ involvement generates discussion of fathers’ roles. In addition, the presentation to staff of numerical evidence showing that fathers are not involved challenges the comfortable acceptance that fathers are never involved and that the current situation is ‘normal’ or ‘only to be expected’. The process of identifying levels need not involve extensive resources or a research project. In many cases, existing records can be examined for information on mother and father participation. In the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit the documentation of the fathers’ involvement in the standard education sessions operated by the unit proved an important impetus to the unit considering its approach to fathers (see box below).

Development of a fathers group in a neonatal intensive care unit (nicu) The idea of the fathers’ group had arisen from an incident in the unit where a father of a long-stay baby reacted strongly to a perceived variation in the baby’s care and exploded into an angry outburst. The police were called and staff were understandably upset, especially since many had come to know (and like) the father concerned. In the following weeks, discussion of the situation of fathers in the unit led to the Engaging Fathers project being contacted. After some discussion, the group was established. The fathers’ group was advertised as Cardio Pulmonary Resuscitation (CPR) training and fathers’ group, commencing at 7pm on a

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regular weeknight. The group started with a 30 minute CPR demonstration and training on an infant dummy conducted by male nursing staff. The discussion of fathering issues was facilitated by the male nurses and the author. Fathers did attend, but only in small numbers. Over the five weeks of the pilot, a total of 11 fathers attended – on many nights when the group was scheduled, there were only three or four fathers in the unit so that the potential pool of fathers was small. Once the discussion of fathers’ experiences commenced, most participants were willing to contribute and on several evenings the facilitators had to insist on finishing the sessions after two hours of discussion. Topics ranged from recounting stories of birth and entry to the NICU to discussion of coping strategies and relationship difficulties. In general, the men were complimentary about the medical and nursing staff and appreciated the chance to learn CPR. For all the men attending, however, the experience of arriving at the unit was disorienting and stressful. While they could see that their partners made numerous contacts with other mothers at the unit, they did not approach other fathers. Comments from the fathers as they left indicated that they appreciated the chance to talk about their experiences and feedback from nursing staff confirmed fathers’ appreciation of the group. Nursing staff also reported that young fathers seemed more involved and more confident after the groups. Staff were willing to recommend the group to parents whom they encountered in the unit. An important factor in the senior nursing staff commitment to fathers’ involvement came through the documentation of fathers’ lack of involvement. The Partnerships in Care sheets used in the unit to record parents’ intention to visit and participate were reviewed. Only two instances were found where fathers’ intention to come in to the unit was recorded. Since many fathers were known to attend, it was clear that the current recording system did not provide an accurate record of fathers’ attendance and needed to be modified. The relevant column on the form was split into two and changed from ‘Parent’ to ‘mother’ and ‘father/partner’. The numbers of mothers and fathers attending educational sessions was also tallied. For the Handling Your Baby educational sessions delivered by a physiotherapist attendance was recorded as:

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Table 1 Handling your baby session June–December 2001

January–August 2002

Female

Male

Female

Male

29

9

85

23

For the CPR sessions conducted by nursing staff the attendance was recorded as: Table 2 CPR sessions September–December 2001

January–August 2002

Female

Male

Female

Male

34

11

99

29

Although not surprising, the presentation of these results provided additional impetus for the staff to address fathers’ participation in the care of their babies and provoked discussion of alternative arrangements for delivering these sessions.

Step 2 Goal setting Setting goals is also important to clarify the expected outcomes of attempts to involve fathers. If the aim of any change to the service is allowed to remain vague, for example ‘to increase father involvement’ or ‘to involve as many dads as possible’, then disappointment is almost inevitable. Goal setting may also mobilise the commitment of the staff to the fathers’ initiative.

Applying narrative ideas to father involvement Among counsellors, social workers, and health and welfare professionals the notions of narrative therapy – that we use stories of ourselves and our relationships to build our sense of identity – have been widely adopted in working with families. Practice with families has included seeking out the dominant ‘story’ of a family member and then identifying instances that contradict the dominant story in order to externalise the problem and join with family members in developing their preferred identities.

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In the first year of our work with schools, we learned of teachers’ dominant story about fathers. In official and informal meetings with school staff, we noted that the lack of fathers’ involvement was evident to all, but not considered a cause for concern. There was an acceptance among staff that fathers would not be involved. When we asked if fathers’ involvement in the school would be preferable, staff readily agreed. While the staff were positive about the idea of fathers becoming involved to support the school, they were convinced that dads were uninterested in children’s school activities. Different rationales were advanced for this: men saw children as ‘women’s work’; making money was more important for men; and men were lazy. The description of fathers in these comments located ‘the problem’ in the dads. It is important to recognise that this dominant story of dads was not formally sanctioned by the school. The belief that dads cannot be expected to be involved in school activities did not, for example, appear in any school policies or documents. On the contrary, the official story is that all schools welcome ‘parent’ involvement. Any lack of participation is seen as the ‘fault’ of either the fathers, or the teachers.

Goal setting as a way to challenge the dominant story Staff meetings were held in the project schools to set father involvement goals for that school. We commenced with the basic list of activities, drawn up during the benchmarking phase. Other areas of possible involvement were added and priority areas decided. We then described three levels of goals for father involvement over a 12-month period. The first level, ‘Expect’, was described as follows: Suppose you really try to involve dads over the next year, what would you expect to see given what you know about the school and the dads? We gently insisted that this first goal be numerical. The second level, ‘Like’, was introduced as: Suppose things went really well with dads here, what would you like to see happen? Instructions for the final level, ‘Love’, were: Suppose you had a magic wand, and this project went fantastically well, what would you love to see happening with dads? We emphasised that the goal at this level could be qualitative and participants were encouraged to ‘think wild’ and to ‘go for it’.

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An example of staff priorities from one school is given below (see table 3). As can be seen, the ‘Expect’ goals were frequently modest improvements on the existing pattern of involvement while those under the ‘Love’ heading pictured fathers as competent, willing and able to take responsibility for the school children’s wellbeing. Even though these ‘Love’ goals were offered with humour and asides that ‘pigs might fly’, they also suggested a view of fathers that made their involvement possible. To the extent that this process called up an alternative view of fathers’ motivations and abilities, it promoted an identification of ‘the problem’ as fathers’ lack of involvement, rather than ‘the problem’ being the nature of fathers. The possibilities for action following from these viewpoints are distinctly different. If the problem is lack of involvement then the task is to get the dads involved. However, if the problem is the nature of fathers, then the appropriate action is to wonder (or complain) about the causes of this unfortunate state of affairs. Table 3 Priority goals for father involvement Area

Expect

Like

Love

Schools sports

One father attending primary sport, plus one father attending early child sport per week.

Regular attendance of one or two fathers in school sport.

Rotating roster of five to eight fathers.

Reading activities

One father for one hour, per class, per week.

Two fathers for one or two days per week, per class.

Confident, trained male reading helpers who love reading, four days per week.

Playground activities

One father, respectful role model, twice per week. (Respecting the schools routines and rules, to play with kids passively and actively.)

One father, twice a week in both playgrounds.

A team of dads on a roster, top and bottom playground, lunch and recess.

Fathers are positive role models of sportsmen.

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Step 3 Examining current communication with families A third step is to examine the messages about fathers’ roles that are currently being conveyed to parents with a view to elaborating a more distinct and effective message about fathers. Communication refers to all the ways that messages are conveyed to families. Publications such as posters, pamphlets, letters and handouts can be evaluated for the messages that they convey to fathers. Many health centres, for example, are restricted to the freely available posters telling men not to be violent, not to stalk or sexually harass. While these messages are important, if they are the only posters on the walls specifically addressing fathers, the overall impression will be negative. The referral, registration and orientation procedures should also be evaluated for the picture they present of fathers’ roles. Are the father’s details recorded? Is he specifically invited to any orientation? It is through this full range of channels that fathers will build their conception of how they are viewed by the service in relation to the wellbeing of their child. It is important that attempts to improve the communication take place some time before (usually months before) fathers are invited to attend the service. Many services wishing to involve fathers commence with a special activity for dads. It may be an information session, a playgroup session, or a parenting group where men (or fathers) are specifically invited to attend. This approach usually leads to disappointment. In spite of the best efforts of the staff to invite fathers, often including notices, advertisements in newsletters or stories in the mass media, few fathers attend the special event and those that do rarely continue to become involved. The mistake in this approach is seeing the special event as the first step (and often the only step) in father involvement. Special events for dads are just that, special or unusual. For fathers to attend they will first require a certain level of trust, trust that the event will be worthwhile, that it will not make them look foolish and that it will be relevant to their own needs and their children’s needs. For fathers to attend an event at a venue that traditionally involves women (such as a crèche, family centre, health centre, primary school or community centre) will require building a strong connection between the service and the fathers. Without the connection, fathers will usually not respond, no matter how many notices, pleas or threats are involved. For an example of what one childcare centre did, see next page.

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Making a childcare centre father-friendly Staff from a long day care centre within the coalfields area of the Hunter Valley attended an Inviting Dads In seminar conducted by the Engaging Fathers team as part of a Families First initiative, to improve fathers’ access to services. Following the seminar, a number of changes were made at the centre. In contacting families to invite them to orientation sessions at the centre, the standard letter addressed to ‘parents’ was replaced by one addressed to mums and dads and interview times were varied to include some afternoon and evenings. As a result, out of the sixty new families, 25 fathers attended, a marked improvement on previous orientations. Changes were also made in the way that the Diary of Children’s Activities was used. Normally this had been kept as a single copy in the centre and sent home with the child. However, for separated parents, a copy of the diary was made and sent to the non-resident parent by post. The communication book used by staff and parents was also evaluated for the way that it might support separated fathers’ involvement. One of the fathers of a child attending was in prison and was sent quotes from the information in the communication book about his child’s activities. On his release he came to the centre to express his appreciation of their keeping him informed and is now involved in a supportive role at the centre. The centre has also begun collecting statistics on fathers’ attendance at events to track their involvement and the community management committee has agreed to a policy on the positive role of fathers in children’s development through the centre. Other changes at the centre include: • Adult sized lounges and chairs have been provided following fathers’ comments that they couldn’t sit on the tiny children’s chairs. • Materials such as car and caravan magazines have been introduced. These are popular with the children and facilitate discussion with children about things that involve their fathers. • Agreement has been reached with staff and management to employ a male worker on a pilot basis. A part of the evaluation will include staff discussing any effects on the children, particularly the boys.

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Step 4 Activities for fathers One-off activities (such as information sessions) and groups, courses and regular activities can be important steps in building fathers’ participation. There are advantages, in framing these activities, to utilise a strengths approach to fathers’ role rather than a deficit approach. The discussion, planning and review of activities prompt staff to grapple with the real constraints and difficulties of fathers’ involvement.

The nuts and bolts of kids and school Arising from the activities held in primary schools, fathers attending the informal ‘Smoko’ talks requested a course to continue the discussions of ‘communicating with your kids’. An eight-week Nuts and Bolts of Kids and School course was organised. Topics included in the course were: • • • • • •

communication; safety measures for children at school; parenting and partnerships; confidence building; family strengths; and child development and behaviour.

The course was repeated twice and was offered again in 2003. Feedback on the courses, from the school staff, families and children has been overwhelmingly positive. While fathers reported that they enjoyed the experience of the course, and saw benefits in terms of their relationship with the school, friendships and knowledge, the main effect seemed to be improving their relationships with their children. As one Aboriginal father explained after the course: I didn’t know what to expect when I first went into the course but as the course went on I sort of got more involvement and everyone started off quiet the first couple of days and then all of a sudden everyone just got involved. The issues that Ken and Craig and Geoff have brought across with the Engaging Fathers have helped me to sit down and have a think about a few things that I never thought that I would come across.

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I think the child protection session was pretty good because it lets you know a lot of things about your children and about other children, when you are in an environment. It taught me to go different ways in approaching children; you have just got to be very careful around little children in groups. It is pretty interesting stuff. It’s a valuable course. It tells you a lot of things that you don’t expect and when you are a single dad and you have got children you have to be a lot more responsible. You are expected to play the father role and then you have to play the mother and father role. So it is two different roles in one and this course sort of teaches you both roles, how you can approach from both ways. Instead of being the dominant father you need to relax more now and be that sort of mother that, you know what I mean, that’s what you have to do ‘cause you got to have that bit of mother in you now, when it was all dad before. That’s the way it goes.

Step 5 Changing the culture of services The overall goal is not to stage one or more successful activities, but to change the culture of family-related services so that fathers are involved in ways that benefit the babies, infants or children concerned. This is no simple matter and it should not be inferred from the brief description of the Engaging Fathers Project given above that issues such as single parents, domestic violence, prevention of child abuse, and methods of evaluation and advocacy for fathers, have been satisfactorily resolved. However, recent developments in family-related research, program design and service delivery in Australia make the development of a more positive approach to fathers’ roles a distinct possibility. The National Mental Health Strategy, The National Youth Suicide Prevention Strategy, the Pathways to Prevention report (Amato, 1994; Vimpani, 2001), the Stronger Families and Communities Strategy and the New South Wales Families First strategy signify a commitment to early intervention approaches with families to address health and social problems. All of these strategies will, in principle, be addressing fathers in their family roles since each initiative includes families in their targets and each aims to improve the wellbeing of males as part of their target population. However, with the exception of the Men and Family Relationships initiative of the Commonwealth Department of Family and Community

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Services, they lack any recognition of fathers, assuming that targeting ‘families’ or ‘parents’ is adequate. The first step for those planning early intervention strategies is to recognise that fathers are not automatically included in family services and that including this ‘other half ’ of the parenting population will require a significant reorientation of familyrelated services. Our research on fathers’ access to family services in the Hunter Valley echoes that of overseas (Fletcher, Silberberg & Baxter, 2001) in finding that not only were there few fathers accessing these services (in our survey less than 10 per cent of clients) but overwhelmingly, services saw women and children as their appropriate target group. Fathers were thought of as either irrelevant to the service, a ‘special group’ in need of special initiatives, or a potentially difficult group in need of careful monitoring. However, as well as noticing fathers’ absence, services will need to examine the way that they orient themselves to fathers, to identify unexamined assumptions that pathologise fathers and father-figures. For example, the Men and Family Relationships initiative had its origins in the Commonwealth Government’s Partnerships Against Domestic Violence Strategy and was originally designed ‘to assist men manage a range of relationship difficulties with partners and ex-partners, children and stepchildren’ (Commonwealth Department of Family and Community Services, 2002). To their credit, the programs funded under this initiative have developed strategies based on the positive contribution of fathers to families rather than just their ‘relationship difficulties’. There is considerable support for moving away from deficit approaches. Recent developments in the field of child protection signal this shift, to incorporate fathers into developing safety for children rather than emphasising the ‘risk’ posed by fathers and father figures. Professionals are now developing a practice that seeks to elicit fathers’ support even in cases where there is substantiated abuse by the father. At the same time, a heightened interest in the idea of social capital has spurred theory development that gives priority to the relationships between individuals across communities. Although fathers are yet to figure as strongly as they should in any of these developments, they nevertheless suggest that a strengths approach to working with fathers, taking account of positive and negative influences, is possible and desirable.

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References Amato, P.R. (1994). Father–child relations, mother–child relations and offspring psychological wellbeing in early adulthood. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 56, 1031–42. Commonwealth Department of Family and Community Services (1999). Fitting Fathers into Families: Men and the fatherhood role in contemporary Australia. Canberra ACT: Department of Family and Community Services. Commonwealth Department of Family and Community Services, Men and Family Relationships Initiative, retrieved 19 September 2002 from http://www.facs.gov/internet/facinternet.nsf/family/mfr_men_family_r elationships.htm Fletcher, F., Silberberg, S., & Baxter, R. (2001). Fathers’ Access To FamilyRelated Services, Research Report, Family Action Centre, University of Newcastle, September 2001. Available at www.newcastle.edu.au/engagingfathers) Hwang, C.P., & Lamb, M.E. (1997). Father involvement in Sweden: A longitudinal study of its stability and correlates. International Journal of Behavioural Development 21, 621–32. Lamb, M.E. (1997). Fathers and child development: An introductory overview and guide. In M. E. Lamb (Ed.), The Role of the Father in Child Development (pp. 1–18). New York: John Wiley & Sons. Lupton, D., & Barclay, L. (1997). Constructing Fatherhood: Discourses and Experiences. London: Sage. Nord, C.W., Brimhall, D., & West, J. (1997). Fathers’ Involvement in their Children’s Schools. Washington DC: U.S. Department of Education. Schore, A.N. (2001). Contributions from the decade of the brain to infant mental health: An overview. Infant Mental Health Journal, 22(1–2), 1–6. Vimpani, G. (2001). National research partnership for developmental health and wellbeing: The Newcastle connection. Joint Medical and Health Sciences Newsletter 108. Vinson, T. (1999). Unequal in Life: The Distribution of Social Disadvantage in Victoria and New South Wales. Melbourne: The Ignatius Centre for Social Policy and Research. Von Klitzing, K., Simoni, H., Amsler, F., & Burgin, D. (1999). The role of the father in early family interactions. Infant Mental Health Journal, 20(3), 222–37.

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CHAPTER 9

Inviting men back to the family James McGregor

BIOGRAPHY James McGregor runs a private practice specialising in working with men who are seeking respectful and responsible relationships with women. He is a consultant counsellor at the Domestic Violence Service (DVS), Gold Coast and works with children, predominantly boys, who have witnessed domestic violence or are violent themselves. James also works with the DVS and Community Corrections Service in facilitating Mandated Men’s Groups for Domestic Violence offenders. He commenced his career in the 1970s. James has a Masters Degree from the University of New England that centred on working with men.

Introduction I live in a somewhat biased world. I run a private practice in which I meet almost exclusively with perpetrators of violence and abuse against women. Many of my ideas in inviting men back to the family have been shaped by these experiences. However, I believe that these men are not different from other men but only on a different point of a continuum and so the ideas that I am going to discuss in this chapter may apply to all of us men. In this chapter I share my approach in working with these men and some of the theory on which this is based. My reflections on this work are illustrated by specific examples and anecdotes. Not long ago, my wife and I were in a store discussing carpet for my office when the salesman remarked that wool carpet offered better protection if smokers dropped their cigarettes on it.

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‘Oh no!’ I replied. ‘No one is allowed smoke in my office.’ ‘It’s a dirty habit,’ he answered. ‘I gave it up when my son was born eight months ago.’ I gazed at him as he added, ‘I just looked into my son’s brown eyes and thought, ‘Why waste 60 dollars a week when I can spend it on my son?’ I tried to turn the conversation to other benefits to his son if he did not smoke but these ideas seemed to be quickly dismissed and we returned several times to the amount of money that this man would be able to give to his son resulting from his non-use of tobacco. I left the store convinced of two things. One was that this man really did love his son and no sacrifice would be too great for him to make for his child. The second was that he was committed to the material wellbeing of this much-loved son. This scenario confirmed my long-held belief that men do want to be good fathers but they believe being a good father is equated with providing material things for their children. This contrast with men wanting to connect with their children but being able to do so only in limited ways is even more strongly illustrated by the following. John had just finished six months in a drug rehabilitation centre and was taking a weekend off to spend with his dad who went to a lot of trouble to get a fancy unit on the Sunshine Coast for them to share. But once there, nothing more seemed to happen. John returned disappointed that once again, he had not connected with his father. He had thought that his success in overcoming drugs and regaining his life again would serve as a meeting point, but this was not what happened. In talking to many women about men and their fathering I have found that the metaphor of a satellite is one that fits the experience of many women regarding the place of the men in the family. Men are experienced as rotating around the family, remotely connected – always there but never quite part of the family. Such men seem to be the providers of only material goods and not the providers of any psychological or emotional wellbeing. These women would welcome the re-entry of men into the centre of the family. I have also found, from talking with men after women have left them, that they publicly profess a very strong interest in their children. They somehow now realise how much they really miss their children and how

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much they want to be part of their lives. The film Mrs Doubtfire (1993) seemed to express this very well. I don’t think that this can be explained away by asserting that all these men just want to get back at women in wanting access to their children. How has it happened that men have been conned into the belief that being a father means being provider of material goods? It is this concentration on the material that is baffling to me. The answers, I believe, are to be found in the construction of masculinity. I agree with David and Brannon (1976, p. 40) who argue that masculinity has ‘shaped and moulded the social structure and social world we live in more deeply and extensively than any other single influence one could name’. They go on to lament that ‘we each have been dancing with these crippling steps, and are dancing with them still’. (David & Brannon, 1976, p. 33). I am interested in the components of these ‘crippling dance steps’, how they have remained in vogue and what might be less ‘crippling’ steps for men in their fathering.

The story of masculinity Meth (1990, p. 5) describes gender as a ‘social construction creating powerful expectations designed to outline acceptable behaviour for each sex’. It is created by a ‘story of gender’ that is located in both society and the individual (Allen & Laird, 1991, p. 79). The story of masculinity is both private and public and these influence each other recursively and invite what White and Epston (1990, p. 24) calls a ‘self normalizing gaze’ by which men ‘are recruited into an active role in their own subjugation.’ White and Epston (1990, p. 24) assert that a particular construction of ‘masculinity’ has become the ‘institutionalised norm’ according to which men ‘engage in operations on themselves [and] forge themselves as docile bodies’, in forming their selfidentity, their life choices and their relationship experiences. The current dominant version of masculinity encourages men not to wonder about its construction – to do so is to risk being regarded by other men as being less than a man. White and Epston (1990, p. 24) argue that when men become isolated in these experiences of themselves, they become, in essence, guardians of this dominant

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construction of themselves. Both males and females contribute to the life of this construction as evidenced by essentialist comments such as, ‘That is just how men are!’ This practice is widespread. A number of writers attempt to deconstruct this story of masculinity in ways that I have found useful. David and Brannon (1976, p. 12) do so under four chapter headings: 1. the sturdy oak 2. no sissy stuff 3. the big wheel 4. give ’em hell Meth (1990, p. 170) asserts that ‘real men must not possess any feminine characteristics’ and Gordon and Meth (1990, p. 57) agree with Freud, that men’s ‘mission in life is the repudiation of femininity’. Chodorow (1978, p. 176) seems to agree by asserting that ‘the basic masculine self is separate’ and a man ‘must categorize himself as someone apart and so define masculinity negatively – as that which is not feminine and/or connected to women.’ But how do men live out this story and what are the implications for living inherent in these ideas? Using David and Brannon’s (1976) elements to promote a discussion in a perpetrators’ voluntary group, I asked them to describe what would follow for them (as men), if these norms were true. They came up with an interesting number of relevant injunctions that influenced the way they lived and fathered, viz: • • • • • • • • • •

A man’s value is in what he provides. Work at rotten jobs for the sake of the family. Work hard. Protect the family. Be a good provider. Support the family at all costs. Give your kids a better start than you got. Don’t complain. Disregard illness. Don’t admit pain.

I have certainly seen many men who seem to live out their lives according to this story.

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Recruiting men to the masculine life How are men recruited to live their lives according to these definitions? What are the techniques of power that persuade men to act this way? The sources are, I believe, many and varied. I find the following a useful list to consider as contributing to the construction of masculinity. I see them as ‘techniques of power’ recruiting men to the western, heterosexual, white construction of masculinity. 1. Literature: fairy stories, children’s stories, newspapers, general stories and magazines 2. Entertainment: Films, television 3. Language: Construction of language, men’s language 4. Work: Work practices, apprenticeships 5. Society: School, history, family, government 6. Religion Literature is, I believe, one of the ‘techniques of power’ constructing masculinity. An examination of fairy stories, folklore, ballads and traditional romantic stories reveals that most portray men on a lonely quest for the love of a fair maiden to whom they give their heart. They then become dependent on women for their emotional and psychological wellbeing and this appears to release men themselves from providing this sort of support to their children. The men are portrayed as action men, the ‘doers’, while the women are always secondary characters, depicted as passive and dependent. The television and film media further contribute to this view of men, portraying them as emotionally anaesthetised, aggressive, and physical (among other much more subtle images). Many are overt, such as the Terminator films, portraying men in their aggressive roles in the world, while others portray men as incompetent buffoons when it comes to family life (Allen & Laird, 1991, p. 82) highlighting the ‘lack of domestic stories’ in the lives of men and contradicting their public success stories. Our language also contributes to the creation of this view of masculinity. Allen and Laird (1991, p. 80) assert that ‘our words create us and they create our worlds’. Many words in our language invite men to exclude the feminine, privilege male experience and proclaim the world

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as ‘male’. The present use of the word ‘guys’ to refer to a group of men and women is an insidious use that has more recently come into our language and made the presence of women invisible. The backlash against the use of inclusive words by (mis)labelling them as ‘politically correct’ denies the influence of language in the construction of our realities. Masculine language also includes the use of ‘warrior’ language such as ‘conquest’ and the use of scoring language, conjuring up images of war and dominance. Men’s ‘fear of appearing feminine’ (Silberberg, 1986, p. 11), is most powerfully evoked by the male use of the word ‘girl’ as the ultimate insult that quickly brings males to assert the dominant masculine construction. Men’s culture also includes a pervasive and mostly unaware use of abusive or ‘put down’ words, and an ignorance and minimisation of their impact on those on the receiving end. Men in their work environment frequently experience this from other men. This can be particularly true in the workplace for apprentices. Men’s work practices that are mostly lived out in a male culture are a powerful recruiting agent for masculinity. In this area, in particular, masculinity dictates that men not only scrutinise their own behaviour but also apply this scrutiny to the behaviour of men around them, to eschew all traces of femininity in their behaviour. Men use simple remarks like ‘Who wears the pants in your family?’ or ‘Are you under the thumb?’ to effectively call into question the masculinity of the ‘offending’ male. Most males when asked, ‘Where did you learn about masculinity?’ will invariably select the family, and in particular their father, as the source of learning. The recruitment techniques of such fathers are usefully portrayed by the father of Raymond in the television show Everybody loves Raymond. Schools are also useful recruiters to masculinity. What messages are sent, for example, by the existence of predominantly male staff leadership and the practices of prizing the First XI, XIII or XV as the most highly favoured group in the school? Lastly, religion has been a dominant influence in the formation of our culture and our cultural practices. Women are not included in real leadership or decision-making roles in many religions and biblical sanctions are used to support a patriarchal system.

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When working with men, I have a sense of inviting them into the family and believe that in order to be able to accept this invitation, men need to free themselves from the current crippling description of masculinity and embrace a more constructive description.

Therapy with men My therapy with men is informed by the Theory of Restraints in which I ask, ‘How do [men’s] explanations prevent them from noticing information that would lead them to alternative courses of action?’ I contend that it is the construction of their masculinity that restrains men, and prescribes that men be ‘emotionally flat or repressed, imbued with competitive spirit, fearful of intimacy, untutored in emotional responsiveness, homophobic, self-annihilating, and remote from human contact’ (Heppner & Gonzales, 1987, p. 29). Men believe that to act differently is to be feminine, and that this is the worst thing they could be considered being. In my work, I encourage men to speculate on alternative performances that will allow them to achieve respectful and responsible relationships. I have centred my work with men on these constructs: • that masculinity is informed by the story of gender • that gender is a social construction • that problems that are part of a man’s life are a result of this construction of gender • that men can and want to change As a general map for therapy, I make some connection between the presenting problems and the prescriptions of ‘being a man’. Then I help men identify the beliefs that they have about masculinity and help them separate from these beliefs by ‘externalising’ the problem. They next map the influence of this problem in their lives, their relationships, their view of other people, their work, their friendships, and their view of themselves. I help men identify the sources of these beliefs and the ways they are maintained. This involves consideration of their family of origin and societal institutions. Hopefully this leads men to become aware of the way they have constructed their view of manhood for I am

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then able to invite them to consider the times that they have stood up to the underlying beliefs and rebelled against them. Maintaining and expanding these challenges and changes constitutes the remainder of the therapy. To expose the ‘techniques of power’ that form masculinity, I frequently suggest to men that they engage in a critique of the television and films that they watch to become more expert in detecting masculine constructs of fathering in operation or that they survey newsagents to check the types of magazines that are available and to assess what these say about men and women. I suggest that they invite their wives or partners to act as consultants and check with them about the validity of their perceptions. Discussion of the feminine experience of words, as used in society, as distinct from men’s experience, encourages men to understand the words as women do. To promote this second description I ask men, ‘If you could get inside a woman’s head and hear what she is thinking, what do you think she believes men think of women?’ Once men get their head around the convoluted nature of this question, it forms a fertile area of conversation on masculinity as women see it and the influence of words and behaviour on this view. Men start to view the ‘performance of their dominant story’ (White & Epston, 1990, p. 32) from another perspective. I use Patterson’s (1991, p. 206) idea that ‘if men want to work…I warn them about the journey’ and frequently remark that this might be the toughest thing they have ever done. Most men respond, ‘We’ll see.’ I find that by empowering men initially, I can facilitate the process of engagement. I invite men to reflect on their presence at therapy by asking ‘How did you manage to come to counselling when so many men with similar problems do not?’ and ‘What do you think it tells me when you are here facing up to the problems of your life when not facing them may have been easier for you?’ I congratulate them for standing up against masculine belief systems. Allen and Gordon (1990, pp. 138–46) suggest there is ‘a need to redefine masculinity – inventing a new reality’ for men that Silberberg (1986, p. 11) maintains must include an understanding of ‘the attitudes, values, and beliefs inherent in the male value system’. This, Silberberg (1986, p. 34) believes, can be done by helping men examine how the ‘sex role socialisation practices and the maintenance of sexism limits their emotional,

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interpersonal and physical lives’. Armundson (1992, p. 35) suggests we ‘place men’s habits [masculinity] as a source of solution rather than the basis of problems and use them to challenge the very traditions that harm us’. This involves evoking the notion of ‘protector or defender’ and invites men to provide ‘honest protection’, a clear commitment to protect the weaker (Armundson, 1992, p. 35) and provide protection for their families. Jock came to see me because he was in conflict with his wife about his attitude towards their eldest son, Tim, a boy of twelve years. Jock constantly used degrading language to Tim. Exploring the effects of this language on Tim, Jock agreed that it affected his relationship with Tim detrimentally and that it must be affecting Tim’s self esteem. I asked Jock what he would do if another male did this to Tim and he was clear about the protective action he would take. I looked Jock in the eye and said, ‘You are the father and fathers must protect their children. How are you going to protect Tim against your verbal abuse?’ This stunned Jock, but he thoughtfully agreed that it was his role to do just that – protect. In his next visit, Jock reported a significant decrease in his abuse, explaining that the idea of being ‘protector’ did not allow him to continue to act this way. This approach is appropriate in initiating change in the behaviour of men. It does not necessarily produce a change in their belief system. White (1995, p. 161) warns that ‘we are of man’s culture and we can never stand outside it’. I warn the men I work with that other men will not take lightly to this new direction and will attempt to invite them back to their old beliefs and practices. In therapy, I often pose these questions to men by asking, ‘What will you do as you take this new direction as a man, when your mates ask you who wears the pants in your family?’ This invites consideration of two options, the ‘conservative one of staying the same and the radical one of standing up to the problem and taking control’ (Dienhart & Avis, 1991, p. 38) and arouses men’s risk-taking predilection. I frequently pose dilemmas to men. In a session I had with Matthew and Jane, a young couple at an advanced stage of work regarding Matthew’s violence towards Jane, I invited Jane to pose dilemmas to Matthew and she asked, ‘What will you do at Jack’s buck night when they bring out a stripper?’ This enabled a discussion with Matthew about his view of women and where he stood in relation to these practices. This facilitated planning actions that would reflect more accurately his views of women. This

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process empowers women by engaging them as consultants and alerting them to the need to be cautious in recommitting themselves to the relationship. In Jane’s case I was further able to empower her by seeking her permission to use her dilemma in future work. As a male therapist, I need to be careful that I do not enforce male leadership and patriarchal relationships; that I do not overemphasise men’s work, career and success; and that I challenge the dehumanising aspect of the constructions of masculinity regarding fathering, stoicism, vulnerability and emotional intimacy (Brooks, 1991, pp. 62–6). Leupnitz (1988) is critical of family therapists, claiming that they reproduce the problems of patriarchal and father-absent families. The introduction of the centrality of gender and the construction of masculinity contributes to the non-reproduction of these problems. There are advantages in using my masculinity within therapy. I can serve as a role model for a different story of the relationship between men and women. The colloquial use of ‘mate’ doesn’t fit for me but I am very comfortable with frequently saying to men, ‘We men have these problems’ and thus identify a mutual journey. My maleness allows me to affirm the journey of other males. This is uncomfortably close to the idea that ‘male’ opinions are more important than ‘female’ opinions, but I continue this practice as an important engagement process for males and try to counterbalance it by seeking partners’ opinions in the role of consultants. Pleck and Lang (1978, p. 47) report that ‘increasing numbers of men report that family and marital relationships are the most important things in their lives’ and Kaschak (1992, p. 111) comments that if ‘men’s independence and physical dependence viewed contextually emerge as emotional and physical dependence on women…then men are certainly as relational as women, if not more so’. If this is the case, I believe that the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. So the man’s relationship with the mother is crucial. I consistently remark to men that ‘I know that you love your wife (family) and you want the relationship to work. However, something keeps getting in the way and mucking it up for you.’ I find that men generally agree and relax. I use this idea of the centrality of the relationship as a readiness strategy when I am going to introduce ideas that the man may find challenging and, in this context, most men are receptive. Expanding on this idea, I invite men to specify the sort of relationship they want their wives to experience,

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asking, ‘What do you think your wife would say her experience of being married to you is?’ and ‘What sort of experience do you want her to have?’ This promotes description of their relationship from the view of their partner and allows the man to contrast the experience his partner is having against the experience he wishes her to have. I use this focus on the ‘experience he wants his wife to have’ as a strategy to keep men focused on considering their own behaviour when they are tempted to blame their partners. In raising the topic of gender with males, I use two approaches. Walters and his colleagues (1988, p. 211) reflect that ‘the majority of men live in subordination…at work’, suggesting to me that I invite men to reflect on their own experiences of abuse. Most men can identify at least one such experience. After eliciting the experience, I ask, ‘What must that person believe to be able to treat you like that?’ For most men, this is the first time that they have been invited to talk about this experience. Since they are not examining their own ideas, they enter these discussions with enthusiasm and can often identify beliefs that other men have. It is an easy step to ask how many of these ideas they have incorporated into their own lives. I invited Matthew to reflect on his experiences as an apprentice and to explore the effects that this had on him. He identified the probable abuser beliefs and could parallel them to his own towards Jane. This validated his own experience and allowed him to experience the abuse in such a way that he commented frequently during that and subsequent sessions that ‘Jane’s experience must have been much worse for her because I am supposed to love her.’ This reflection formed the basis of his constructed apology and gave him permission to ‘feel’. I also invite men to reflect on their parents’ relationship and their father’s attitude towards their mother. Their evaluation of their mother’s experience of the relationship allows them to speculate on the ideas that informed their father and how many of these inform their own lives. Many men reflect that they have not had good relationships with their fathers and this has influenced them through out life. The following story shared by John is typical of adult sons’ experiences. John was a very precise and skilled tradesman who took great pride in his work. On a trip home to the United Kingdom to see his father, he noticed that the front gate of the family home was very much dilapidated and askew. Without being asked he set about fixing the gate with a

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heightened desire for perfection because he knew that his father was watching. He worked until the gate swung perfectly on its hinges, a job which took a few hours to achieve. John retired to the kitchen and made himself a cup of tea and watched as his father silently and thoroughly inspected the gate, testing it with much opening and closing. Dad then joined John in the kitchen but said nothing about the gate. Eventually, unable to contain himself any longer, John asked, ‘Well! What did you think?’ ‘It’s all right,’ said his Dad. John was deflated because he knew of the excellence of his work and that still his father could not give him any praise. John, like many men, has promised that he will not be like his own father. John says that he tries to praise his own son but still recognises something missing in his own life. Men can be empowered in their fight against narrow constructions of masculinity by inviting them to become ‘researchers in masculinity’. For a start, the invitation to be researchers conveys to men the message that they are competent. Jason’s story illustrates the effectiveness of this approach. Jason was a tradesman who came to see me because of the difficulties in his relationship. He was not very articulate and our conversation was fairly laboured until I asked him to research how men behaved. I suggested that he observe men and note how they talked about women, how men talked to women and what sort of language they used. Jason was much more verbal in the follow-up session and he could comment on these areas and extended the conversation to the type of pictures men put on workshop walls, the derogatory language men used in groups when talking about women, men’s attitudes to strip shows, and the way that some men controlled the lives of women and some tactics they used. With this expertise, Jason became much more involved in the whole process. This allows me to adopt a ‘one-down’ position, in which I am the learner and he is the expert, with the men with whom I work. This prevents me from being led into argument with them. Acting on Deinhart and Avis’ (1991, p. 38) suggestion that ‘to restrain change may be particularly effective with men as they may evoke the socialised competitive urge in service of the man’s change process’, I frequently discuss with men if the rate of change is too fast and whether or not it would be more advisable to slow down and consolidate the changes. Usually, men strongly disagree. They appear more determined to show that my fears are ungrounded, ensuring the continued life of the

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changes. My concluding remark is inevitably ‘Well, you are the expert here; I will be guided by you.’ This asking the client to be consultant to the therapist appeals to a man’s need to be in charge and his desire to be seen as ‘the expert’, thus ‘minimizing his anxiety about asking for help’. (Deinhart & Avis, 1991, p. 38). Some years ago I had the opportunity to conduct a voluntary men’s group based on these ideas and was able to conduct intensive follow up interviews with four of the men and two of their partners as a way of evaluating the service. The men reported new attitudes and new practices with their children, which included the realisation of the impact of their own experience of being fathered (this was characterised by absence, distance, and emotional inexpressiveness), and new practices of emotional expressiveness with their children. One man explained: When I start to pay out my son for something, I start to feel this thing [my father in me] inside me which just clicks in, saying ‘look at your son. What are you doing to him? You are bringing him up the same way your father brought you up!’ I am able to go to him and say ‘I apologise for being angry with you, you really didn’t do anything wrong.’

This man’s partner linked this new behaviour to her husband’s reflection on his own fathering experience, his victimisation by his father’s anger, the persistence of this victimisation into his adult life, and the apparent deliberate deprivation of affection by his father. This led him, she said, to ‘realise that he was withholding his affection from his son and that his son was just the way he was when he [the man] was a child’. Other men made the following comments about their new fathering practices: I showed a bit more love towards the kids...my relationship with my eldest son is much better. With the kids, I give them kisses and cuddles. I probably have now, a better relationship with my kids than I ever had. I always sit and talk to them [the children].

These comments have persuaded me of the usefulness of the concept of inviting men back into the family and the importance of continuing to use and explore this in my thinking and practice.

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Conclusion Ultimately my experience leads me to believe that it is not just about the techniques, or even the theory that is crucial. After reflecting and exploring the theory that informs my counselling practices, the impact of how I construct the concept of masculinity on my practice, and reflecting on my personal journey of working with abusive men (McGregor, 1997, pp. 152–55), I have concluded that it is the therapeutic relationship with men that enables me to work effectively with them. I offer this chapter particularly to those who work with fathers, in the hope that reflection on what I have said will help them in this challenging but important work. The re-entry of men into the family will have, I believe, profound effects on their lives, relationships and children and ultimately on the families of the future.

References Allen, J., & Laird, J. (1991). Constructing new narratives in therapy. In M. Bograd (Ed.), (1991), Feminist Approaches for Men in Family Therapy. New York: Harrington Park Press. Allen, J., & Gordon, S. (1990). Creating a framework for change. In Men in Therapy: The Challenge of Change. New York: The Guildford Press. Armundson, J. (1992). Twenty more steps: challenging the violent traditions of men in their relationships. Family Therapy Case Studies, 7(1), 33–40. Brooks, G.R. (1991). Traditional men in marital and family therapy. In M. Bograd (Ed.), Feminist Approaches for Men in Family Therapy, pp. 51–74. Binghampton: Harrington Press. Chodorow, N. (1978). The Reproduction of Mothering: Psychoanalysis and sociology of gender. Berkley: University of California Press. David, D., & Brannon, D. (1976). The Forty Nine Percent Majority. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley. Dienhart, A., & Avis, J. (1991). Men in therapy: Exploring feministinformed alternatives in therapy. In M. Bograd (Ed.) (1991), Feminist Approaches for Men in Family Therapy. New York: Harrington Park Press.

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Gordon, B., & Meth, R. (1990). Men as Husbands. In R.L. Meth & R.S. Pasick (Eds), Men in Therapy: The challenge of change. New York: The Guildford Press. Heppner, P., & Gonzales, D. (1987). Men Counselling Men. In M. Scher, M. Stevens, G. Good, & G. Eichenfield (Eds), Handbook of Counselling & Psychotherapy with Men. California: Sage Publications. Kaschak, E. (1992). Engendered Lives: A new psychology of women’s experience. Boston: Basic Books. Leupnitz, D.A. (1988). The Family Interpreted: Psychoanalysis, feminism and family therapy. Boston: Basic Books. McGregor, J. (1997). In quest of a heart: A personal journey in working with violent men. Australian and New Zealand Journal of Family Therapy, 18(3), 152–5. Meth, R.L. (1990). The Road to Masculinity. In R.L. Meth & R.S. Pasick (Eds), Men in Therapy: The challenge of change. New York: The Guildford Press. Meth, R.L., & Pasick, R. (Eds) (1990). Men in Therapy: The challenge of change. New York: The Guildford Press. Patterson, R. (1991). Counselling men: Fraudulent virility and coercive power among men. In R. Batten, W. Weeks & J. Wilson (Eds), Issues Facing Australian Families: human services respond. Melbourne: Cheshire. Pleck, J., & Lang, L. (1978). Men’s family role: Its nature and consequences. Wellesley, M.A.: College of Research on Women. Silberberg, R.A. (1986). Psychotherapy for Men: Transcending the masculine mystiques. Charles, Illinois: Thomas Publishers. Walters, M., Cater, B., Papp, P., & Silverstein, O. (1988). The Invisible Web. New York: Guildford. White, M., & Epston, D. (1990). Narrative Means to Therapeutic Ends. New York: W.W. Norton. White, M. (1995). Re-authoring lives: Interviews and essays. Adelaide, S.A.: Dulwich Centre Publications.

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CHAPTER 10

Dads Talkin’ to Dads: group support for fathers Keith Owen and Linda Pullen

BIOGRAPHIES An independent psychologist, Keith Owen has worked extensively in various capacities with children and families over the past two decades. Keith graduated with his Master of Letters in Psychology in 1996 and began practicing as a psychologist. He is currently completing a Master of Arts with Honours, researching the nature of separated fathers’ grief and the counselling needs of men. Linda Pullen is a psychologist working as Coordinator of The Multicultural Men & Family Relationships Service, Goodna for Mercy Family Services. Linda provides counselling to men on a range of relationship issues and co-facilitates the Dads Talkin’ to Dads group with Keith Owen. She has previously worked as a counsellor and co-facilitated men’s domestic violence groups. Linda has also worked for the Alternatives to Violence Project as a team leader facilitating nonviolence workshops in Queensland Correctional Centres.

Introduction Linda Pullen and Keith Owen met while working in two separate programs in the West Moreton region of Queensland. When Linda networked with Keith to determine the services that were available for men in the area, their discussion led to the development of a joint project to provide services to separated fathers. Keith had been working in the local area of Goodna for some time as a family crisis counsellor with an organisation that had decided to employ

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a gender balanced approach to its counselling service. Around forty per cent of Keith’s caseload consisted of fathers who were separated, or who had been referred for counselling because of relationship difficulties. The organisation identified an interest from the men for the establishment of a local men’s group. At the time there were no local groups specifically addressing the needs of fathers. Keith responded and started group work with some of these men, in addition to providing individual counselling. Linda had been providing counselling to separated men in the area at the Multicultural Men and Family Relationships Service in Goodna, for the Mercy Family Services. When she and Keith began discussing the work they did, they identified a need to develop an alternative approach to supporting men. In August 2000, Linda and Keith collaborated to provide a new program for men from lower socioeconomic backgrounds and who appeared difficult to engage in group programs. Collaboration provided them with the opportunity to pool some resources and draw on each other’s experience in a supportive way and to enable the Dads Talkin’ to Dads group to evolve. A non-prescriptive approach was developed using action research principles to shape the format of the group. This allowed the group to evolve its format over time and be responsive to the specific needs of the men in the group. An open, continuous group was found to be the most effective way to respond to the differing needs of the men.

Background The Inala to Ipswich region has a very high percentage of single parent families that are reliant on public housing (Queensland Department of Housing, 1999). The community is culturally diverse, with over one hundred and forty different cultural groups. High unemployment rates, poverty, and low educational levels mark this area as being particularly disadvantaged and underserviced (Queensland Department of Housing, 1999). The Commonwealth Department of Family and Community Services identified that services to men, and in particular, services targeting fathers, were both few in number and poorly funded (Commonwealth Department of Family and Community Services, 1999). The Multicultural

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Men and Family Relationships pilot program established by Linda was an attempt to address some of the service provision deficits in the region. Keith and Linda have co-facilitated the Dads Talkin’ to Dads group in the evenings on a fortnightly basis from August 2000 until the present. Originally the group was located at the counselling facility at which Keith was employed, but as the numbers grew, it was relocated to the Peace Centre in Goodna. There are plans to conduct additional groups in the near future, which will form part of a research project on fathering and grief.

Selection and recruitment of the group participants Men find out about the Dads Talkin’ to Dads group from a variety of sources. They can be referred by the facilitators through their counselling work in the region. Many of the men attending the group were invited to attend as a result of this. The Men and Family Relationships Program (MFRP), advertises the group through its brochure to agencies and networks. Agencies networked to the program are actively encouraged to make referrals and the program has received publicity through the local media. Men in the group have also invited other men to join. A brochure advertising the group was co-designed and developed by Linda and two of the group members. This participatory approach ensures that the most relevant issues and audience are targeted. The participants consisted of 44 men; 42 were from a white European background and two Indigenous men. Approximately two thirds of the participants were unemployed, single parents or on a disability pension. The mean age of the men was 42 years, with the youngest being 24 and the oldest 61. Of the 44 men who attended the group, 20 fathers were separated from their children; 13 lived with their children; eight lived with some of their children and were separated from some of their children; and three men were living in shared parenting situations. During the counselling or group process, it was identified that a considerable number of the men experienced mental illness. Of the 44 men, 35 suffered from depression and of these, 10 were experiencing a co-morbid anxiety condition and 12 a co-morbid substance abuse problem. Two men suffered from bipolar disorder and two from

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schizophrenia. Diagnosis of a mental health condition occurred through a collaborative process of review by the facilitators, or by a general practitioner or psychiatrist. Men diagnosed by the facilitators were identified as meeting the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM IV, 1994) criteria for their respective mental health condition. Often, when men were invited to join the group, they expressed a reluctance to attend, as they were skeptical about how the group could benefit them. They were also frequently uncomfortable about discussing their problems with other men and a number had commented that they felt they should be able to handle their problems by themselves. In general, the men were concerned that people would judge them. All new group members first speak with Linda who explains how the group is run and discusses their general concerns in order to gain an understanding of how they are managing psychologically.

The group process The group process is facilitated to encourage the men to act as experts and supports to each other. It is a process-orientated approach rather than content based. The methodology departs from mainstream group programs by utilising a highly responsive approach rather than a prescriptive one. The content addressed in the group is based on the issues relevant to the men. The format of the group process allows other men in the group to identify similar issues and this forms the nexus of a support structure within the group. Where issues require more information, a psycho-educational element is added to deliver a wider perspective. The process-oriented approach relies on the skills and experience of the facilitators to effectively address the issues raised. When new members join the group, all those present introduce themselves by giving a brief history of their situation and issues that concern them. The introduction serves to welcome new men into the group in such a way that they can begin to feel connected to the other men. As the group is open and ongoing, current members introduce group guidelines to new members. The meaning of guidelines is discussed and any others are sought from the new participants.

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Some guidelines that are commonly put forward include: What is said here stays here. No put downs. Listen without interrupting. Avoid judging others. You don’t have to say anything. You can just listen. Pass if you want to. We like a laugh.

In addition, the facilitators add a guideline requesting that men attend the group free of the influence of drugs. There is no cost to participants as many of the men experience financial hardship. A voluntary donation towards coffee, tea and biscuits is requested. ‘Check-ins’ involve the whole group, where members briefly discuss important highs and lows that have occurred in the past few weeks. Facilitators avoid making presumptions about what the men’s issues are. Issues are earmarked for further discussion and exploration in the latter part of the group. This provides a key opportunity for the men to identify with other men who may have similar issues. To illustrate the value of this process, during one of the meetings one group member disclosed that he had attempted suicide that day, prior to attending the group. During the ensuing discussion, other men in the group offered their support and disclosed that they too had felt suicidal at times. It was during this session that some of the most important functions of the group became apparent. The supportive nature of the group dynamics, consciously modeled by the facilitators, was an important element in facilitating disclosure of important information. This then allowed men at risk to be identified for follow-up and more intensive counselling. During this particular evening, four of the seven men attending identified that they had also felt suicidal. The group is not time limited. Different men require different levels of support, so they can stay for as long as they want in the group. Men are able to attend for as few or as many sessions as they need. This ensures that the men choose the amount of support that they require. Telephone reminders are given by Linda every so often to prompt the men about when the next group is on. The men have commented that they appreciate being called and reminded. Where men raise problems with which

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they might need further support, Linda and Keith have provided this through individual counselling. It was decided that a male and female co-facilitator structure would be important in providing a balanced view and demonstrate positive modeling behaviours for the participants. Having a female co-facilitator can provide an opportunity for men to experience a positive connection with a female when their own experiences with females may have been quite negative. The co-facilitators actively model the process, participate in the introduction and give brief backgrounds of their family situation. Self-disclosure by the facilitators is included to allow them to share their humanness, but it is limited it to ensure the focus is on the men’s issues. The issues that the men discuss during the group vary, but consistent themes can be grouped as follows. • Emotional – discussing sexual abuse, grief, anger; managing stress; suicide and depression; anxiety; death of children; how to communicate needs and how to deal with guilt. • Engaging agencies –understanding child protection laws; dealing with the Department of Families; child support issues and Family Court processes. • Medical – involving seeking appropriate medical help when it is needed for conditions such as depression and anxiety; getting the best from your doctor; not relying on medication alone to assist with emotional issues. Many of the men who sought either individual counselling or to participate in the Dads Talkin’ to Dads group had already seen a doctor and some had been prescribed medication to help them with their emotional distress. • Gender – addressing socialisation issues for men (that is, caring as opposed to providing); touch between men; and a father’s role. • Parenting – discussing what it was like when the fathers were teenagers; developmental aspects of children and teenagers; sex education for children; mental health and children; working and parenting responsibilities; discipline; children’s stealing behaviour; managing anger; affairs and their effect on the family; drugs (in relation to children) and how to get their children to do jobs around the house.

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• Separation – discussing the separation process; contact with children; difficulties relating to ex-partners; issues associated with not living with the men’s child(ren), concerns about the child’s wellbeing and how to perform the role of father; how to deal with guilt; child support issues; managing conflict; managing conflict with ex-partners in front of children; managing the differences between the households in relation to parental guidelines; and domestic violence.

Ongoing feedback The group and facilitation process continuously evolves through participant feedback. The fortnightly evaluation is used by the facilitators to find out whether the particular group session has been useful. The group is asked: What did you like? What didn’t you like? What would you like to be different?

At the end of each group session, participants sum up the evening using one word. The facilitators use this feedback to shape the process of future meetings. The evaluations have consistently demonstrated that the men feel that they are listened to, supported, feel safe, and are positive about being part of the group. They also report that being in the group helps them to find new ways to deal with problems, raise their awareness of issues, appreciate that other men also have problems and address personal issues and problems. The men also report enjoying the group and the humour involved.

Closure feedback Formal qualitative feedback is obtained from men when they move on from the group. To date, this has involved 37 men, all of whom responded positively to the question, ‘Do you feel that you have received some benefit simply from participating in the group?’

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The funding body, the Commonwealth Department of Families, required two forms of evaluation. The first form was content based and related to individual counselling. The second allowed for specific feedback from the participants about the responsive methodology that had evolved since the commencement of the group. The first form was a seven-point Likert scale. Responses were obtained from nine participants about their perceived level of progress to managing their issues. The results of this are illustrated in table 1. Table 1 Responses to: ‘Consider the issues you started with when you came to the group. Please tick the square below that best describes how the course has helped you deal with these issues now.’ Response scale Frequency of responses

No progress 0

Some Good Managing Managing progress progress OK well 1 2 3 4

Largely Fully resolved resolved 5 6

0

1

0

2

1

2

0

The second form addressed issues specific to the group. Twenty-eight participants responded. Their results are illustrated in table 2. Table 2 Feedback to: ‘Please tick the square that best describes how you would rate the group in meeting your needs?’ Response scale

Poor 0

1

2

Satisfactory 3 4

5

Excellent 6

Frequency of responses

0

0

1

6

5

4

Qualitative feedback The feedback sheet included the questions: • What did you find the most helpful? • What did you find the least helpful? • What would you like to be different? Room was provided for ‘Other Comments’.

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Participant’s comments on what they found most helpful: I haven’t found this type of help any where else. I could talk, say my piece, no matter how I said it...people would just listen and give you support without judgment. No-one took offence...I felt very comfortable, very relaxed. got so much out of the group. The group definitely has helped me a lot. I felt readily accepted by the other members in the group and the variety of different situations faced by other group members. It helped me to get a better perspective on life. I was able to talk my problems over with men who have a lot in common. It was good to know that someone could empathise with me who’d already been there. The boys have been in the same predicament and they didn’t mind opening up and telling you what they thought. I felt like I wasn’t on my own…I wasn’t the only one that was having trouble. I was able to share my pain and express my grief with others in similar situations and share their experiences. It’s a good thing to do when you’ve got a couple hours to kill on a Tuesday night…lots of laughs!

What the men found least helpful: • • • •

role playing discussions cut off due to limited time some men not being able to move on the distance to travel to attend the group

Men’s suggestions for improvements: Providing hand-outs with information. More information on how to fix the problems out there. More involvement with the group. More advertising to let other men know about the group. Men don’t know about it. More time to discuss problems more deeply. Limit the numbers in the group so everyone gets a chance to have their say.

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Other comments: Better than the doctors, psychiatrists who base their help out of a book. No-one took offence – I felt very comfortable, very relaxed. …got so much out of the group. The group was a foundation. If it wasn’t for the group I wouldn’t be where I am today. I was impressed by the courage and spirit of friendship possible among the men. It seems people are being helped and that’s the main thing. I would not hesitate to use the group again for support and to support other members. Thank you.

Some men noted that their concerns were so intense that family and friends were unable to support them, whereas the group offered them a network of support which provided them with opportunities to identify with each other, offload their stories, listen and help each other with practical assistance. They commented that instead of feeling isolated, they felt that the group and its support offered them comfort in facing their life situations. The group is also credited with assisting men to deal with anger in constructive ways. Anger management has been a recurring theme for the group since it first commenced. Some men reported that they employed specific strategies such as ‘time out’ to manage their anger. The men have also supported each other by offering suggestions and support outside of the group to achieve more constructive anger management strategies. Isolation was a frequently identified issue. The men often reported that they were going through a unique set of circumstances. They felt alienated, feeling as if they had little control over what was happening to them or their children. The group provided an opportunity for the men to identify with others who have experienced similar situations. This is considered particularly important for men at risk of suicide, although it is acknowledged that it is difficult to measure success in terms of suicide risk. Since the time that many of the group members had disclosed their suicidal feelings, no one, to the knowledge of the facilitators, has attempted suicide.

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Challenges encountered Adopting an alternative methodology initially presented as a challenge to both facilitators. The overall approach of being responsive rather than prescriptive meant that there had to be a willingness to let the group take on a life of its own, while guiding the process to allow it to function. The approach required that the facilitators draw on their experience of working with children and families, together with their counselling experience. The responsive approach involved the group members guiding the content of therapy and group process rather than just being attendees of a prescribed program with a pre-determined agenda. Using a responsive methodology requires the facilitators not making assumptions about the skills or knowledge of group members. In this sense, participants are treated as their own experts to establish a baseline from which therapy can be established.

Running an open group Running an open group where members can stay for as long as necessary presents an additional challenge when compared to closed groups. In a closed group, members can build trust to the point where they feel very comfortable in disclosing personal information. The facilitators found that the open group made developing trust more challenging to achieve. However, the combination of inclusion processes such as the introduction, ‘check-ins’ and guidelines have assisted in facilitating trust.

Conflict amongst the men At one stage the men requested that a contact list of other members be made available. Inclusion on the list was voluntary. The facilitators encouraged the men to offer practical assistance to each other outside of the group meetings. This occurred, with the men helping each other fix cars, clean up yards and telephone each other when they needed emotional support. Some of the men decided to meet every alternate week for support and to enjoy barbeques and social events together. This other group began to call itself a different name and develop procedures for its meetings quite separate to the processes utilised in the Dads group.

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Initially, the facilitators thought that the group was taking on a life of its own, and was a positive occurrence. In hindsight, it was considered that there was some degree of positive transference with some of the men who wanted to make the group more than it was. Some of the men enquired privately with Keith about becoming counsellors and about the possibility of facilitating future groups on a more widespread scale. Some members were less capable of providing consistent support or participating in these additional activities due to the overwhelming nature of their own personal circumstances. This led to certain men feeling unsupported and vulnerable. The conflict that ensued within the other group was difficult for the facilitators to monitor and eventually it spilled over into the Dads group. This resulted in some members choosing not to attend the Dads group anymore. The alternative group stopped meeting also. This had a negative effect on group numbers and the dynamics for a period of time. Individuals who were upset by the conflict were followed up by both facilitators with face-to-face counselling. Men are now encouraged to exchange telephone numbers for support or enjoyment of social activities, but the development of an outside alternative group is not encouraged.

Reflections on gender relations in group work – Keith’s view Throughout the time I have been involved in co-facilitating the Dads Talkin’ to Dads group, I have had the opportunity to reflect. This has born a number of important issues that serve to enrich my own practice as a psychologist, as well as providing important data that I wish to share. First, the opportunity to work with a female therapist who has a nonjudgmental approach to working with separated men, is willing to be flexible in adapting to the needs of this group, and willing to provide valuable insight into feminine views of relationships and human behaviour, has been particularly enriching for me as a therapist, and to the men we work with. The co-facilitating relationship has been enhanced by Linda’s and my willingness to listen to the alternative point of view, integrate different ways of thinking, use a co-operative reflective practice, provide unconditional support where needed, and accept an alternative way of facilitating groups.

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The challenge of using a responsive methodology was difficult for both Linda and me. As psychologists we are trained to use formats for group therapy that follow methodology that is necessarily prescriptive. By its very nature this implies that assumptions are made about the nature of our clients and the challenges they face. For me, the need to use this approach was prompted by a statement that a client had made to me prior to starting this group. This person said, ‘No-one ever gave a shit before, no-one ever listened.’ It dawned on me that perhaps as psychologists and counsellors, we had become exceptionally good at providing therapy in a prescriptive mode that failed to validate the experience of men, simply because a prescriptive approach implies that ‘we know what is wrong with our clients, and thus we should know how to fix them’! Somewhere along the way we forgot to find out what men’s experiences actually are, and in our hasty attempt to address these, have adopted methodology that has largely been developed by working with other groups. Often the men who are engaged in the group have not had the opportunity to develop a respectful relationship with a female. Sometimes this manifests in behaviour such as swearing, anger, and using words to describe females globally. A good example of this is a situation where some group members routinely used the word ‘bitch’ or ‘bitches’ to describe their ex-spouses, or any female they encountered in everyday life. This situation presented as particularly challenging to me as a male therapist and to Linda who, for obvious reasons led the way to setting appropriate boundaries concerning language and respect. Linda approached the situation through a direct challenge in setting boundaries for the use of language in the group sessions. A further advantage has been the ability to model appropriate male–female interaction for the men. I have observed the difference between this group and those I have facilitated alone, in terms of this, and its effects on the participants. Co-facilitating with Linda has highlighted the gaps in my own knowledge about female issues and perspectives as a male therapist. This emphasises the need to conduct further research and to disseminate information more widely about how to work successfully with men. The opportunity to work with Linda has thus provided a valuable experience to me in challenging my own thinking and methods through the process of co-operative reflective practice. Working with this

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group and Linda as my colleague has been one of the most challenging, yet richly rewarding experiences of my career in working with children and families.

Reflections on working as a female facilitator – Linda’s view In recent times there has been a tacit assumption by both the general public and professionals that men are the best persons to deliver counselling or group support services to men. Occasionally I have been directly challenged with ‘Why didn’t they employ a man?’ and I replied ‘My boss said he employed the person with the best skills and experience.’ Independent Evaluators from Phoenix Projects Pty Ltd were contracted by the Commonwealth Government to evaluate the 46 Men & Family Relationships programs under the Men & Family Relationships Initiative. They spoke to the men accessing this service and when asked about their preference for male or female counsellors, the most frequent reply was, ‘It matters more that they are a good listener.’ Of the 44 men who attended the group only two clearly indicated a preference for all male facilitators in their feedback. The way the men relate to me in the group has indicated that they are comfortable with and respect my involvement. I see part of my role as providing the men with the opportunity to relate to a female in a positive way. Some of the men have had very disappointing relationships with women and my presence has given them an opportunity to step away from their blanket negative view towards women. When I have facilitated the men’s group without Keith, I have benefited from the support of the existing men in the group who have helped the new men feel comfortable with my presence, where there were general, negative feelings towards women. The existing group members lead by example through their acceptance of my presence and role in the group. Working in this way has given me the opportunity to understand the concerns that men face as well as to offer them support and hope for a better future.

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Conclusion The success of this group is due in part to developing a responsive approach to working with men, and to the flexibility of the facilitators to challenge mainstream methods. Most of all, the facilitators believe that the success is due to listening to the men to shape the format to ensure their needs are met. The men made it very clear that what they really want is to be listened to and have their needs met according to their priorities. Most groups offered for men are time limited and have a specific prescription of content. By addressing the issues as they arise for the group, the process becomes responsive rather than prescriptive. The importance and value of a collaborative reflective practice when exploring new methods cannot be overemphasised. The men in this group bear testament to the fact that men are interested in their children, they do have very real emotional lives, and they are greatly affected by their experiences. To engage men successfully, it is necessary to learn to listen in order to understand their needs better. As reported by the men in this group, there are few services for men and fathers. Research examining this issue identified only one father specific service, located in New South Wales, and 34 programs that integrated fathers Australia-wide (Department of Family and Community Services, 1999). The authors believe that this is compelling evidence to argue for more widespread services that specifically target and service fathers.

References American Psychiatric Association (1994). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (4th Ed.). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association. Department of Family and Community Services (1999). Fitting Fathers into Families: Men and the fatherhood role in contemporary Australia. Canberra: Media and Publications Unit, Commonwealth Department of Family and Community Services.

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CHAPTER 11

Who are the fathers? Carol McVeigh*

BIOGRAPHY Carol McVeigh RN RM PhD FRCNA FACM is an Associate Professor in the School of Nursing at Griffith University in Brisbane. Drawing on over 30 years of experience in nursing and midwifery, Dr McVeigh has developed an interest in different aspects of motherhood, fatherhood and the incidence of teenage pregnancy and childbirth in Australia. Supported by national and international grants, she is currently completing research that explores issues related to the transition to fatherhood and teenage motherhood. Carol McVeigh has presented her research results at both National and International conferences.

Introduction While much has been written about teenage pregnancy and birth rates, little is known about the men who father the infants born to teenage mothers and even less is known about the role those fathers play in raising their children. In addition, most of the literature examining issues related to teenage sexual activities and pregnancy is American and may not accurately represent current Australian trends. In an effort to address this situation a research study was carried out in Queensland, Australia. The aim of that study was to provide a snapshot image of teenage mothers and make visible the men who fathered their infants. In this chapter the results of an extensive literature review are presented * Acknowledgements: This study was funded by the Australian College of Midwives and the original findings published in the Australian Journal of Midwifery, 15(1), 26–30 (2002).

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along with the result of this unique study. In addition, recommendations are made for future research, educational program development and potential legislative reform. Most specifically, an effort is made to answer the question: Who are the men who father infants born to teenage mothers?

Literature review Irrespective of age, the transition to parenthood may be unpredictable and stressful. Parenting is difficult under the best of circumstances and the effects teenage pregnancy has on the teenager and society are immense (Shaefer & Emerling, 1997). When pregnancy occurs in young women, the evolving mother–infant relationship may be negatively influenced (Koniak-Griffin & Turner-Pluta, 2001) and both mother and infant could face long-term social and economic disadvantage (Kenny, 1995). Although both the United States and Australia have seen a decline in teenage pregnancy and birth rates in recent years (Brown, 2000; Nassar, Sullivan, Lancaster & Day, 2000; Siedlecky, 1996) the situation continues to constitute a significant public health problem in Australia (Adelson, Frommer, Pym & Rubin, 1992). Each year a quarter of a million women give birth in Australia, over 14 000 (5.2%) of those births are to teenage mothers, and many of those teenage mothers (29 per cent) were aged 17 years or younger (Nassar et al., 2000). Statistics from that same study indicate that in 1999 over 2500 of the mothers in Australia were aged 17; 1133 were aged 16; 357 were aged 15; 122 were under 15 years; and there was a higher proportion of teenage mothers among Indigenous mothers (22 per cent). In Queensland alone over 3000 teenagers give birth annually (Day, Sullivan, Ford & Lancaster, 1999) and the early move into motherhood may forever alter a young woman’s future (Raphael-Leff, 1994). Even though patterns of sexual activity for young men and young women differ, sexual intercourse prior to adulthood and outside marriage has become the norm (Henshaw, 1998; The Guttmacher Institute, 1999a). While many teenagers report using contraceptives, 22 per cent of sexually active teens become pregnant each year, and up to 80 per cent of those pregnancies end as termination (Darroch, Landry & Oslak, 1999; Day et al., 1999; Lindberg, Sonenstein, Ku & Martinez, 1997).

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Interestingly, 93 per cent of American teenage women surveyed reported that their first intercourse was voluntary (i.e. they did not resist); however, 25 per cent of those young women described that sexual encounter as unwanted (The Guttmacher Institute, 1999b). Once sexually active, teenage women are at greater risk of experiencing an unplanned pregnancy (Henshaw, 1998) and acquiring a sexually transmitted disease (The Guttmacher Institute, 1998). In addition, teenage mothers in Australia and elsewhere are more likely to come from disadvantaged families, have few prospects for future development, and the majority see little reason to delay childbearing (Donovan, 1997; Koniak-Griffin & Turner-Pluta, 2001; van der Klis, Westenberg, Chan, Dekker & Kearne, 2002). Birth rates to teenagers who live in disadvantaged areas are often 10 to 20 times higher than the rates to teenagers in urban affluent communities (Coory, 2000). Teenage pregnancy and childbirth is not an occurrence new to the 20th and 21st centuries. It is however a relatively new phenomenon for those reproductive events to take place outside marriage. When pregnancy occurs, most teenagers experience a normal delivery; however, young mothers are significantly more likely to encounter adverse pregnancy outcomes such as low birth weight, perinatal death, and pregnancy-induced hypertension (Adelson et al., 1992; Nassar et al., 2000; NSW Health Department, 1995). While many teenagers hold unrealistic beliefs about the consequences of pregnancy and parenthood (Condon, Donovan & Corkindale, 2001), a large proportion of teenage mothers experience social and economic hardships (Fernandez, RuchRoss & Montague, 1993; Mercer, 1995); become social security recipients (The Guttmacher Institute, 1999a); and 25 per cent will give birth to a second child within two years (The Guttmacher Institute, 1998). Additionally, teenagers who give birth in Australia are more likely than older women to be Australian born, attend few prenatal visits, smoke during pregnancy, and experience tragic neonatal losses (van der Klis et al., 2002). Finally, the children of teenage mothers are predisposed to being the victims of child abuse (Kenny, 1995), failing to complete their high school education, and becoming teenage parents themselves (Felice, 1998). Undoubtedly, much is known about teenage mothers and their babies; however, far less is known about the men who fathered their infants.

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Many American studies identify adult men as responsible for almost half of all births to teenage mothers in that country (Landry & Forrest, 1995; Larson, Hussey, Gillmore & Gilchrist, 1996; Taylor, Chavez, Chabra & Boggess, 1997). Interestingly, one study reported that while the largest age group of fathers were aged 20 to 24 years, 16 per cent of the fathers were aged 25 to 29 years, and five per cent were aged 30 years or older (range 20–62 years) (Taylor et al., 1997). The number of young women who have a much older partner appears small. However, those young women often do not use contraception, are at greater risk of experiencing an unplanned pregnancy and, once pregnant, they usually continue the pregnancy rather than opting for a termination (Darroch et al., 1999; Taylor et al., 1997). In age disparate relationships, the teenage mother’s access to economic, social, and educational resources may be limited (Fernandez et al., 1993), and contact with and support from the infant’s father usually decreases as time passes (Larson et al., 1996; McVeigh, 2000). While no uniform definition of ‘large age difference’ or ‘age disparate relationship’ is offered within the literature, concerns have been raised about the potential for pressure and abuse when the male partner is significantly older (i.e. more than five years older) than the teenage mother (Darroch et al., 1999; Landry & Forrest, 1995). This is of particular concern when one takes into account the psychological, social, and physical development that is expected to occur during the teenage years (Murray, McKinney & Gorrie, 2002). When paternity is considered, much of the emphasis within the literature has been on the age of men who fathered infants born to teenage mothers. While this focus is understandable, especially given concerns that relationships between much older men and minors may be predatory in nature, many sexual relationships between men twenty or older and women 19 or younger do not violate any State law, provided of course there is no rape or incest (Lindberg et al., 1997). Currently in Queensland the age of majority (adult status) is 18 years and the age of consent for sexual activities is 16 years. While this must be considered when viewing available information, unfortunately little additional information about these ‘invisible’ men could be found. Other than age difference, the only other factors alluded to within the literature included the suggestion that the fathers of infants born to teenage mothers were often poorly educated, unemployed, provided only short-term financial support to the

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mother of their child, and exhibited retarded psychosocial development that was more similar to that of teenagers than to that of other adult males (Taylor et al., 1997). Since the long-term outcome for both the teenage mother and her infant can be unpredictable, it is important to know if the situation reported in the American literature is also commonplace in Australia. Armed with greater information about teenage mothers and their immediate social networks, including the fathers of their infants, midwives and other individuals who care for teenage mothers should be better able to meet the unique needs of these clients. In addition, midwives would be well placed to inform other practitioner groups, such as school nurses and general practitioners, about the educational needs of young women while they are still at school and not yet sexually active or pregnant. To that end, the remainder of this chapter presents information gained through a study carried out in Queensland, Australia. In addition, the results of this study are contrasted with previous international findings and recommendations for future activities are presented.

Method and procedure This quantitative descriptive study aimed to gather personal and demographic information about teenage mothers and the men who fathered their infants. A convenience sample of teenage mothers aged 15 to 19 years was invited to participate. All had delivered healthy infants at or near term and all resided in one regional centre in Queensland, Australia. Participants were recruited by invitation while attending a youth health centre; they were provided with detailed information about the study, informed of their right to refuse to participate as well as their right to withdraw at any time. Only Gillick competent teenage mothers, namely those able to understand the implications of their actions, were recruited (Forrester & Griffiths, 2001; The British Council, 1999). Full ethics approval was obtained from Griffith University and the participating health centre and written informed consent was obtained. The mothers were surveyed on one occasion during the first six months after giving birth and to protect their anonymity no identification codes were used.

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A 40-item questionnaire was developed specifically for this study. The tool was designed to gather personal and socio-demographic information about the mother, her infant, and the father of her child. The questionnaire also asked mothers to evaluate the support they received from the father of their child, their level of satisfaction with motherhood, and their current quality of life. Additional questions about contraceptive use, planned versus unplanned pregnancy, participation in parenting programs, and current living arrangements were included. A panel of midwifery experts reviewed the tool; content validity was confirmed. Due to the descriptive nature of the tool no further testing was carried out at this time. Data obtained were analysed using SPSS-PC (Statistical Package for the Social Sciences Version 10) software. Frequency distributions and descriptive statistics were used to describe the sample. Exploratory analyses were performed to determine emerging trends within the data.

Results Thirty teenage mothers were surveyed during the first 6 months following the birth of their baby. The average age of the participants was 17.7 years (range 15 to 19 years, standard deviation 1.37) and 27 (90 per cent) of the mothers were giving birth to their first child. Interestingly, only 16 (53 per cent) had used contraceptives, just eight (27 per cent) used condoms when sexually active, and 23 (77 per cent) had experienced an unplanned pregnancy. Despite the chance nature of their pregnancy, 25 (83 per cent) said they were happy when informed about the pregnancy, 22 (73 per cent) attended childbirth and parenting education programs, and 16 (53 per cent) continued to breastfeed their infant following discharge from hospital. Most of the respondents used a variety of resources when seeking information about pregnancy, childbirth and parenting. Midwives, prenatal educators, and their own parents were sources most frequently cited. While only 11 (37 per cent) of the mothers lived with the father of their baby, not all current relationships were with the biological father of their child. Although most of the mothers (20/30; 71 per cent) had less than 12 years of education, only two were attending school, and none of the

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remaining mothers planned to return to school in the immediate future. In addition, 18 (67 per cent) were social security recipients and all reported annual incomes of less than A$20 000. Of interest, most of the mothers (25 out of 30; 83 per cent) believed their quality of life was good, 27 (90 per cent) were very satisfied with motherhood, however, most (27 out of 30; 90 per cent) reported being less than satisfied with the support they received from the father of their baby. See table 1 for maternal characteristics. All of the participants provided useful information about the father of their infant. The fathers’ mean age was 21 years (range 16 to 29 years, standard deviation 3.10), most (23/30; 77 per cent) were not teenagers themselves and the greatest age difference in a relationship was 10 years and occurred in one relationship only. Many of the fathers (21/30; 72 per cent) had not completed high school, 9 (30 per cent) were currently unemployed, 7 (23 per cent) received social security benefits, and most (24/27; 89 per cent) reported annual incomes of less than A$29 000. On average the fathers had known the teenage mothers for more than two years. However, most (19/30; 63 per cent) were absentee fathers following the birth of their child, and only 30 per cent (10/30) of the fathers contributed financially to the care and upbringing of their child. In addition, the majority of non-resident fathers had little or no contact with their child and three fathers (10 per cent) had apprehended violence orders (AVOs) taken out against them. Further to this, just over half of the mothers (17/30; 57 per cent) reported that episodes of verbal and/or physical aggression were common within their relationships. The mothers also indicated that their male partners usually made decisions about contraceptive use, not themselves. See table 2 for the father’s characteristics and table 3 for age differences. Exploratory analysis suggests that the fathers were significantly older than the teenage mothers were (t=-6.74, df 29, p = 0.0001). Although there was no significant relationship between the father’s age and the use of contraception, it was identified that as the age of the father increased, the incidence of breast-feeding also increased (t = .663, df, p = 0.0001). Similarly as maternal age increased, satisfaction with motherhood also increased significantly (r = .372, p = .043) and likewise a positive relationship was noted between quality of life and satisfaction with motherhood (r = .663, p = < 0.001).

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Table 1 Maternal characteristics Characteristics Age 15 years 16 years 17 years 18 years 19 years Ethnicity Anglo-Celtic Aboriginal/TSSI Parity Primiparae Multigravid Education < Year 12 > Year 12 Return to school Yes No/undecided Employment Unemployed Employed Still at school Income <$10 000 $10 000–$19 999 >20 000 Living arrangements Alone With parents Current boyfriend With infant’s father Extended family Contraceptive use None Condom OCP Diaphragm

Number

Percentage

3 2 5 10 10

10 7 17 33 33

28 2

90 10

27 3

90 10

20 10

67 33

2 28

6 94

28 2 0

93 7 0

18 8 1

67 30 3

3 13 1 11 2

10 43 3 37 7

14 8 7 1

47 27 23 3

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Table 2 Father’s characteristics Factor

Number

Age

%

17–19 years

7

23

20–24 years

19

63

25–29 years

4

14

Education

< Year 12

21

72

≥ Year 12

9

28

Employment

Unemployed

9

30

Employed

21

70

Income

<$10 000

7

26

$10 000–$19 999

11

41

$20 000–$29 999

6

22

>$30 000

3

11

Table 3 Age comparison Mother’s Age 15yrs

16 yrs

17yrs

18yrs

19yrs

Total (%)

Father’s Age <16 yrs

1

16–19 yrs

1 (3) 1

2

3 2

20 yrs

1

1

2

21 yrs

1

2

2

1

1

22 yrs

1

23 yrs

1

4 (13) 1 (3)

1

2 (7)

25 yrs

1

1

2 (7)

>25 yrs

1

2

3 (10)

10 (33)

10 (33)

30 (100)

Total (%)

1

6 (20) 5 (17)

1

24 yrs

6 (20)

3 (10)

2 (7)

5 (17)

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Discussion of results This study examined available data in order to develop a snapshot image of Australian teenage mothers and the fathers of their infants. Given the sample size, sampling techniques, and because only one youth centre participated, the generalisabiltiy of these results is limited. The results do, however, offer information not previously available in Australia and support the notion that further investigations are warranted. Discovering that so few of these young women used contraceptives, less than a third used condoms as a barrier method of choice and that it was the male partners who usually made decisions about contraceptive use, is alarming. Although these results are similar to those reported for the United States (The Guttmacher Institute, 1999b), clinically it is of concern that so few of the young women and their partners protect themselves against sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), and an unplanned pregnancy. While this may be typical risk taking behaviour for this age group, much more information is needed to improve our understanding about why some young women protect themselves and others do not. Finding that the fathers were older than the teenage mothers was not unexpected; however, discovering that more than three quarters of the men were themselves not teenagers is noteworthy. Similar to previous findings (Landry & Forrest, 1995; Larson et al., 1996; Taylor et al., 1997), these results suggest that young women in Australia, like their American counterparts, may engage in unprotected sexual activities with men years older than themselves. Once pregnant, Australian teenage mothers may also be at risk of the same level of socioeconomic and educational disadvantage reported by Koniak-Griffin and Turner-Pluta (2001). Clearly, sexual relationships between adult males and younger teenage women may be more commonplace in Australia than previously anticipated. What, if anything, engaging in such relationships means long term to teenage mothers and their infants remains unknown. Despite this, it is important to note that legally there is no such thing as consensual sex when one partner is an adult and the other a minor. Evidently, it seems important to gain a better understanding of why these relationships develop and ultimately what impact, if any, they may have on the young woman’s future opportunities. Knowing that almost two thirds of these men were absentee fathers and so few contributed financially or personally to the upbringing of

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their child is of concern. Their education levels also indicate that their potential for providing financially for their children would probably remain limited. Given previous studies that highlight the social and economic hardship experienced by teenage mothers and their children (Fernandez et al., 1993; Mercer, 1995; The Guttmacher Institute, 1999a), these results should sound alarm bells when considering the long-term outcomes for teenage mothers in Australia and for their children. Likewise, it is disturbing to find so many young mothers reported that conflict and abuse were common within their relationships. Obviously, preventative action is needed. Perhaps young parents’ programs and community-based projects, as reported by Makin and Butler (2001), have a significant role to play in assessing and supporting teenage mothers. Although it is apparent that some of these issues need to be addressed by legislators, practitioners can also play a role in pregnancy prevention, pre-pregnancy counselling, and the ongoing care of young parents.

Future directions Further research is needed to determine if the findings presented here are upheld by a larger nationwide study. Although that is important, while we await the results from future investigations, it is essential that relevant professionals continue to offer safer sex and pregnancy prevention information to their teenage clients through schools, community groups, and medical practitioners. Although teenage pregnancy rates in Australia have decreased in recent years, we cannot afford to be complacent. Reducing the incidence of unplanned pregnancies must be a priority. While efforts in Australia to reduce the incidence of unplanned pregnancy have met with some success, much room for improvement remains. Clearly, when only 53 per cent of young women use contraceptives and less than a third use condoms to protect themselves against STDs and an unplanned pregnancy (McVeigh, 2002), much more needs to be done to ensure that young people are well informed about safer sexual practices. Having said this, it must be acknowledged that nationwide efforts in the United States to implement compulsory sex education

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programs and ‘abstinence only’ initiatives have met with little success (The Guttmacher Institute, 2001). In that same country even statutory rape legislation and mandatory sentencing laws appear to have had little impact on the incidence of age disparate relationships and teenage pregnancies (Donovan, 1997). Considerable effort is required if unplanned pregnancies within our teenage population are to decline. One approach that appears to have met with some success is the Tell Me About It program implemented in country New South Wales (Makin & Butler, 2001). That program aimed to increase the awareness of high school students of the reality of being a teenage parent. The developers brought together high school students and teenage mothers from within the community and reported that the program was well received and challenged the high school students to consider the timing of sexual activities and the impact being a parent would have on their future plans. Another program available in Australia is the Baby Think It Over program offered by Virtual Parenting (2003). That program offers teenagers the opportunity to have the experience of caring for a computerized ‘baby’ over an extended period of time. While these programs may not offer all the answers, they do offer a proactive approach to a continuing and perplexing problem that can ultimately lead to limited educational opportunities, social isolation, and a reliance on social welfare for these young mothers (Coory, 2000). The long-term prospects for the children of young single mothers are also not good (Fernandez et al., 1993; Mercer, 1995; The Guttmacher Institute, 1999a). If we are to learn from the experiences of other countries we must focus on improving the social, family, and economic situation of our disadvantaged young people. Until we address these issues and encourage young women to see positive alternatives to early parenthood, the incidence of unplanned pregnancies within our teenage population is unlikely to change. Although it is beyond the scope of this paper to address the complex interplay between social, cultural, legal, and political issues that influence this phenomenon, it does seem logical to draw on the experiences of others. It is suggested that countries with low teenage pregnancy rates are characterised by a societal acceptance of sexual relationships during the teenage years, comprehensive sex education programs, and a clear expectation that sexually active individuals

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will protect themselves from STDs and unplanned pregnancies (Singh & Darroch, 2000). Cross-national studies suggest, that if we are to reduce the incidence of unplanned pregnancies within our teenage population, we must: • provide young people with greater incentives and means to delay childbearing; • increase social acceptance of adolescent sexual relationships; • provide comprehensive and balanced information about sexuality; • expect a commitment to the prevention of pregnancy and STDs within their relationships; and • provide easy access to contraceptives and other reproductive health services. Singh and Darroch (2000) also suggest that if we address these issues we could experience a teenage pregnancy and childbirth rate similar to that found in the Netherlands (that is, 1.2%). Although it is important to acknowledge the part older men play in the incidence of teenage pregnancies, Lindberg et al. (1997) and Saul (1999) suggest that grouping together mothers aged 15 to 19 years with partners aged 20 years or older may distort available data. Younger fathers, namely those under the age of 22 years, are often neglected within the literature; this appears to occur despite their obvious commitment to fatherhood and their efforts to contribute financially and personally to the lives of their children (Larson et al., 1996; Taucher, 1991). Perhaps what we need is research that sets the lower age boundary for men at 22 years and the upper age limit at 30 (Lindberg et al., 1997). This would avoid comparing increasingly dissimilar older men with their younger counterparts. In addition, since the majority of the fathers in this study were aged younger than 22 years, future research should concentrate on learning more about young fathers and the impact early transition to fatherhood has on their ability to complete their education and establish a career. Furthermore, research needs to address how early fatherhood affects their ability to remain socially and economically significant within the lives of their children. It is also important to further investigate the relationship between the young fathers and the mothers of their children.

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References Adelson, P., Frommer, M., Pym, M., & Rubin, G. (1992). Teenage pregnancy and fertility in New South Wales: An examination of fertility trends, abortion and birth outcomes. Australian Journal of Public Health, 16(3), 238–44. Brown, B. (2000). U.S. births rise for the first time in eight years; births to teenagers still falling. Family Planning Perspectives, 32(5), 263–4. Condon, J., Donovan, J., & Corkindale, C. (2001). Australian adolescents’ attitudes and beliefs concerning pregnancy, childbirth and parenthood: The development, psychometric testing and results of a new scale. Journal of Adolescence, 24(6), 729–42. Coory, M. (2000). Trends in birth rates for teenagers in Queensland, 1988 to 1997: An analysis of economic disadvantage and geographic remoteness. Australia & New Zealand Journal of Public Health, 24(3), 316–19. Darroch, J., Landry, D., & Oslak, S. (1999). Pregnancy rates among US women and their partners in 1994. Family Planning Perspectives, 31(3), 122–6 & 136. Day, P., Sullivan, E., Ford, J., & Lancaster, P. (1999). Australian Mothers and Babies 1997. AIH Cat. No. PER 12. Sydney: AIHW National Perinatal Statistics Unit (Perinatal Statistics Series No. 9). Donovan, P. (1997). Can statutory rape laws be effective in preventing adolescent pregnancy? Family Planning Perspectives, 29(1), 30–4. Felice, M. (1998). Fact sheet on adolescents who have babies. [On Line]. Retrieved 9 January 2003 from http://hhd.csun.edu/sheilia/436/lecture1001.html Fernandez, M., Ruch-Ross, H., & Montague, A. (1993). Ethnicity and effects of age gap between unmarried adolescent mothers and partners. Journal of Adolescent Research, 8(4), 439–66. Forrester, K., & Griffiths, D. (2001). Essential of Law for Health Professionals. Sydney: Harcourt. Henshaw, S. (1998). Unintended pregnancy in the United States. Family Planning Perspectives, 30(1), 24–9. Kenny, D. (1995). Adolescent pregnancy in Australia. In D. Kenny & R. Job (Eds), Australia’s Adolescents: A health psychology perspective (pp. 239–45). Armidale, Australia: University of New England Press.

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Koniak–Griffin, D., & Turner–Pluta, C. (2001). Health risks and psychosocial outcomes of early childbearing: A review of the literature. Journal of Perinatal and Neonatal Nursing, 15(1), 1–17. Landry, D., & Forrest, J. (1995). How old are US fathers? Family Planning Perspectives, 27(4), 159–65. Larson, N., Hussey, J., Gillmore, M., & Gilchrist, L. (1996). What about Dad? Fathers of children born to school-age mothers. Families in Society, 77(5), 279–89. Lindberg, L., Sonenstein, F., Ku, L., & Martinez, G. (1997). Age differences between minors who give birth and their adult partners. Family Planning Perspectives, 29(2), 61–6. Makin, J., & Butler, S. (2001). ‘Tell Me About It’ – a community-based project to reduce the rate of teen pregnancy in Wagga Wagga. [On Line] Retrieved on 11 December 2003 from www.nrha.net.au/nrhapublic/publicdocs/ conferences/6thnrhc/makinpaper.htm. McVeigh, C. (2000). Investigating the relationship between satisfaction with social support and functional status after childbirth. The American Journal of Maternal/Child Nursing, 25(1), 25–30. McVeigh, C. (2002). Teenage mothers: A pilot study. Australian Midwifery Journal, 15, 26–30. Mercer, R. (1995). Becoming a Mother: Research on maternal identity from Rubin to the present. New York: Springer Publishing. Murray, S., McKinney, E., & Gorrie, T. (2002). Foundations of Maternal–Newborn Nursing (3rd Ed.). New York: W.B. Saunders. Nassar, N., Sullivan, E., Lancaster, P., & Day, P. (2000). Australian Mothers and Babies 1998. AIH Cat. No. PER 15. Sydney: AIHW National Perinatal Statistics Unit (Perinatal Statistics Series No. 10). NSW Department of Health (1995). Midwives Data Collection: Public Health Bulletin 7(S1). Raphael-Leff, J. (1994). Psychological Processes of Childbearing. London: Chapman & Hall. Saul, R. (1999). Using and misusing data on age differences between minors and their sexual partners. The Guttmacher Report on Public Policy. [On line] Retrieved on 10 December 2003 from www.agi-usa.org/pubs/journals/gr02410.html Shaefer, S., & Emerling, J. (1997). Homebound pregnant adolescents. Home Health Care Management & Practice, 9(3), 23–32.

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Siedlecky, S. (1996). Teenage pregnancy: What is happening? On The Road, 4(2), 3–8. Singh, S., & Darroch, E. (2000). Adolescent pregnancy and childbearing: Levels and trends in developed countries. Family Planning Perspectives, 32(1), 14–23. Taucher, P. (1991). Support for the adolescent father. Nursing Forum, 26(1), 22–26. Taylor, D., Chavez, G., Chabra, A., & Boggess, J. (1997). Risk factors for adult paternity in births to adolescents. Obstetrics & Gynecology, 89(2), 199–205. The British Council (1999). Children’s rights: a national and international perspective. [On Line] www.britcoun.org/governance/jusrig/human/childrig/cr02a.html The Guttmacher Institute (1998). Teen sex and pregnancy. The Guttmacher Institute. Retrieved on 10 December 2003 from www.agi-usa.org/pubs/fb-teen-sex.html The Guttmacher Institute (1999a). Teenage pregnancy and the welfare reform debate. The Guttmacher Institute. [On Line] Retrieved on 10 December 2003 from www.agi-usa.org/pubs/ib5.html The Guttmacher Institute (1999b). Teen sex and pregnancy. The Guttmacher Institute. [On Line] Retrieved on 9 December 2003 from www.agi-usa.org/pubs The Guttmacher Institute (2001). Teenagers’ sexual and reproductive health. The Guttmacher Institute. [On Line] Retrieved on 9 December 2003 from www.agi-usa.org/pubs/fb_teens.html van der Klis, K., Westenberg, L., Chan, A., Dekker, G., & Keane, R. (2002). Teenage pregnancy: Trends, characteristics and outcomes in South Australia and Australia. Australia New Zealand Journal of Public Health, 26(2), 125–31. Virtual Parenting (2003). Baby Think It Over Project. Virtual Parenting. [On Line] Retrieved on 10 January 2004 from www.virtualparenting.com.au

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CHAPTER 12

An overview of research methodology in the development of family-focused treatment programs Paul Harnett & Sharon Dawe

BIOGRAPHY Dr Paul Harnett PhD is a clinical psychologist who has worked in the areas of child protection and juvenile justice for 15 years, both in England and Australia. He has recently been involved in research investigating the effectiveness of a prevention of depression program targeting adolescents. Dr Sharon Dawe PhD has worked in the area of substance abuse for 15 years both as a clinician and a researcher. Paul and Sharon are currently evaluating the effectiveness of the Parents Under Pressure (PUP) program in families who are on methadone maintenance.

Introduction As practitioners working with families, we like to think that our clinical work has benefits for our client group. However, it is probably fair to say that practitioners vary in the effort they put into providing objective evidence that their interventions are achieving the intended benefits for their client group. In an age of accountability, agencies are increasingly insisting that evidence is produced, through the ongoing evaluation of clinical practice, to demonstrate that the expense of providing services is justified. Further, funding agencies in health, welfare, education and the justice systems are adopting evidence-based models of service delivery.

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This means that practitioners are being encouraged to deliver interventions1 that have been shown to be effective in clinical research trials. The assumption is that interventions with empirical support of their effectiveness will be more beneficial to the client group the agency serves than ad hoc or untested interventions. For practitioners providing services to fathers, the emphasis on evidence-based practice creates some difficulty, given the limited range of interventions targeting fathers that have been subject to empirical test. Practitioners will be keen to see the interventions that are being developed (as described in this and other volumes such as Dudley & Stone, 2001; Fagan & Hawkins, 2001) are subject to empirical investigation. However, even after clinical trials have demonstrated the positive impact of an intervention, it cannot be assumed, for reasons discussed later in the chapter, that the intervention will be effective with a particular father in a specific clinical setting. The response of an individual to an intervention will always require individualised evaluation. In this chapter we discuss a number of issues concerning the evaluation of services. Our aim is to provide information that practitioners can use. First, we present an overview of research methodology to provide practitioners with basic knowledge to critically appraise the empirical evidence supporting available treatments (Gaynor, Baird & Nelson Gray, 1999; Shapiro, 1967, 1985). Second, we provide an introduction to the methodology appropriate for practitioners to evaluate the effectiveness of interventions in their own clinical practice, that is, single-case methodology (Barker, Pistrang & Elliott, 1994; Blampied, 2001; Hayes, Barlow & Nelson Gray, 1999; O’Gorman, 2001; Raimy, 1950; Stricker & Trierweiler, 1995; Trierweiler & Stricker, 1998; Turpin, 2001). To illustrate the issues, we present an overview of the methodology adopted in the research evaluation of the Parents Under Pressure (PUP) program, a parenting program recently developed that targets the needs of multi-problem high-risk parents (Dawe, Harnett & Rendalls, 2000). The two major approaches to the evaluation of clinical treatments are: single case methodology involving the evaluation of change across time 1 The term ‘intervention’ is used to refer to prevention, early interventiion or treatment programs.

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in an individual case; and group comparisons in which a new treatment is compared to standard care or current practice. Both forms of evaluation aim to demonstrate the internal validity of an intervention. In other words, they aim to show that the observed difference between participants who received and those who did not receive an intervention is due to the effect of the intervention and not to unrelated variables or errors in measurement (Blampied, 2001; Kendall, Butcher & Holmbeck, 1999; Trierweiler & Stricker, 1998). These are discussed in turn below.

Single case designs Single case methodology aims to demonstrate the internal validity of an intervention, that is to determine whether behaviour change is attributable to the intervention and not to unrelated, extraneous variables (Blampied, 2001; Gaynor et al., 1999; Kazdin, 1981). The essence of singlecase methodology is the analysis of data derived from repeated measurement of a client’s behaviour over time. This involves the independent variable (the intervention) being systematically varied and related to change in the dependent variable (the target behaviour). Support for the internal validity of the intervention is found when variation in the intervention is systematically related to changes in the client’s behaviour (Blampied, 2001). There are several commonly used single-case designs that may be used with individual cases. As it is beyond the scope of this chapter to describe these, one example, a withdrawal design, will be presented to illustrate the logic of single case methodology. Withdrawal designs involve repeatedly withdrawing and reintroducing an intervention. In this situation it would be expected that the client’s functioning should deteriorate and improve as the intervention is withdrawn and introduced respectively. For example, a parent may be prompted in weekly meetings to ignore a child’s whining behaviour that has been leading to tantrums. Measures of the frequency of tantrums show that the intervention was associated with a decrease in the frequency of tantrums. However, it cannot be ruled out that the child’s increased maturity or some other event caused the tantrums to subside. The therapist stops prompting the parent to ignore

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the child’s whining and this is followed by an increase in tantrums. Finally, the therapist reintroduces the prompting to ignore whining, and the tantrums again decrease in frequency. Replicating the impact of the therapist’s prompts in this situation provides strong evidence that ignoring the child’s whining was the active ingredient in decreasing the tantrums. Unfortunately, it is often not possible or ethical to withdraw or withhold an intervention in clinical practice. Further, a permanent change in behaviour may occur that is not reversed through the withdrawal of an intervention. Alternative single case designs have been developed to address such problems (Gaynor et al., 1999; Hayes et al., 1999).

Group designs Many clinical research trials use group designs where groups of individuals receive either treatment A or treatment B. By randomly assigning individuals to a group, the likelihood is that the groups will be similar on unmeasured factors that could possibly be related to the intervention. As an example, consider a parenting program to help fathers manage the behaviour of their children. One factor that could limit the impact of the program is the level of behaviour problems displayed by the children. Random allocation attempts to ensure the level of conduct problems is not greater in one group compared to the other. Thus, there is no reason to expect that one group would change any more or any less than the other. In group designs it is expected, however, that participants in the study will change over the course of the study. Factors such as maturation, unmeasured environmental factors and testing effects (Mitchell & Jolley, 1996) can all result in some change. For example, a program for fathers who have recently separated from their partners may find that a number of the fathers enter new relationships over the course of the intervention, which could influence their functioning in the father role. However, these changes are expected to occur equally within the two groups. If this is the case, the changes in each group that are due to the influence of fathers entering new relationships will be the same for each group. On the other hand, if an intervention were

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delivered to only one group, it would be expected that there would be measurable differences between the groups following the intervention. Thus, any changes between the groups that do occur are attributed to the effects of the intervention (Kendall et al., 1999). This design, referred to as a randomised controlled trial (RCT), is a powerful methodology for demonstrating the impact of an intervention. However, inadequate reporting of the design, conduct, analysis, and interpretation of a RCT can provide misleading information about the effectiveness of the intervention that has been tested (Moher, Schulz & Altman, 2001). The CONSORT statement (Begg, Cho, Eastwood, Horton, Moher, Olkin et al., 1996) was developed by an international group of clinical researchers, statisticians, epidemiologists, and biomedical editors to standardise and improve the quality of published reports of RCTs. The CONSORT statement provides a useful means for practitioners to assess the strengths and limitations of a RCT. Readers interested in a detailed discussion are referred to the CONSORT website: http://www.consortstatement.org. A summary of the key issues to consider when determining the methodological soundness of a RCT follows.

Comparison or control condition The most methodologically robust RCT is one in which the intervention group and the control group are closely matched on all factors possibly related to outcome. For example, if an intervention was expected to be more effective for, but not limited to, fathers in a current relationship, it would be necessary to ensure that the proportion of fathers in a current relationship was similar in the two groups. Similarly, if a study was comparing a fivesession program with a ten-session program that included additional material, it would not be possible to determine whether it was the additional components of the program that resulted in the additional benefits, or whether it was simply that participants received more sessions. Comparison groups therefore need to be similar. This raises a number of ethical issues in terms of offering treatment intervention versus not offering, or placebo treatment. There is no single solution to these problems and it is suggested that innovative interventions should be evaluated using a range of designs, preferably by independent research groups.

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Randomisation Having decided that the study should include a comparison condition, it is necessary to ensure that participants are randomly allocated to the treatments. Random allocation to different treatment conditions presumes that extraneous variables or factors will be equally represented in all groups involved in a study. Changes in participants resulting from these uncontrolled factors should then occur equally within the two groups. Randomisation allows the evaluation to highlight the differences between the groups that are due to the intervention, while reducing the influence of bias. Randomisation is probabilistic, so the larger the sample size, the more likely it is that the extraneous variables will be equally distributed, thereby minimising bias even more (Hsu, 1998). However, we appreciate that using this technique is not always possible in practice settings. Where the use of random assignment is not possible, an alternative could be, for example, to allocate families in accordance with the level and intensity of the problems experienced and the intensity of the intervention required. It must be noted that the outcomes of this approach would be biased. The CONSORT guidelines describe procedures for the random allocation of participants to intervention conditions (Moher et al., 2001).

Treatment Integrity ‘Treatment integrity’ refers to the quality of program implementation. That is, the extent to which an intervention was implemented competently and according to the research protocol specified in the treatment plan or manual (Waltz, Addis, Koerner & Jacobson, 1993). Compared to most medical studies of a new drug regime or procedure, defining the actual parameters of a clinical or psychosocial intervention raises many difficulties. Treatment programs often consist of multiple components. These components may be highly structured, delivered in a specified order with clear instructions about the terminology that should be used by the clinician. Good examples of highly structured, manualised interventions, are the project MATCH manuals used to determine the relative effectiveness of motivational interviewing, 12 step and relapse prevention in the treatment of alcohol dependence (NIAAA Project MATCH Monograph Series, 1994).

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Other treatments may be less structured, and developed from a potential suite of strategies and interventions that are tailored specifically for individual cases or families. Whilst the use of highly structured manualised interventions allows for a precise assessment of treatment adherence, such approaches are not without their problems. There has been a growing acknowledgment that such approaches ignore the importance of the therapeutic process that occurs between client and clinician (Kendall & Chu, 2000). Indeed it may be that the therapeutic alliance is as important as treatment content in successful outcomes. Further, it has been argued that clinicians may be unwilling to adopt highly prescriptive treatments due to a reluctance to be limited by a prescribed treatment protocol (Clarke, 1995). However, interventions that are less rigidly manualised or set out will result in greater variation in the delivery of the intervention, including variation among practitioners and also by the same practitioner across time (Waltz et al., 1993). Whether a treatment manual contains session-by-session outlines of interventions, or describes broad principles and phases of treatment, including examples of interventions, some check that the practitioner has delivered the treatment in accordance with the associated framework, procedures or instructions is essential. How this is done varies considerably from case to case and may include audio or videotaping of sessions, completion of therapist checklists by clinicians or treatment checklists completed by participants. The most appropriate method for a particular study will depend on the structure of the intervention, and practical considerations such as the impact of video cameras on the therapeutic process.

Potential bias in assessment and at follow up Determining whether a new treatment has been of benefit to the participants requires that measures of baseline functioning of the participant are undertaken and that these measures are repeated across time, usually at the end of treatment and again at some later point. This helps determine some benchmarks for the treatment intervention. The CONSORT guidelines propose that these assessments, especially at follow up, should be conducted by an independent researcher. This will help increase the objectivity of the evaluation and decrease the possibility of bias or practitioner influence on a participant’s self-report. This

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is particularly important in the evaluation of intensive family-based interventions as the clinician has often worked closely with the family over an extended time and it is possible that a family’s responses would be influenced by their feelings towards the clinician.

Issues of measurement In order to determine whether an intervention is associated with improved outcome it is necessary to articulate clearly what aspects of the presenting problems are most likely to change given the content of the intervention. For example, researchers of a parenting program that focuses on behavioural management strategies for non-compliant children may be interested in determining whether the intervention is associated with decreases in a child’s non-compliance or aggression. Or, researchers of a parenting program that focuses on extending parental social networks would be more interested in measuring the parent’s perceived support in response to the program.

Measuring the conceptual domains targeted by the intervention Given the complexity of family problems and the current focus on the ecological context in which families are embedded (Belsky, 1984; Cicchetti & Toth, 1998), parenting programs are increasingly aiming to effect change across multiple domains. These include changes in the psychological functioning of the parents, parent–child relationships, and the wider social context of the family (Dawe, Harnett, Staiger & Dadds, 2000; Sanders, 1995). Within each domain, it is possible to further identify targets for change such as the psychological health of each individual within the family and the quality of the relationships between members of the family. Changes in the wider social environment of the family are also often targeted for intervention and may be measured by the use of external services and the extent by which the participants themselves perceive external agencies as providing support. Thus, researchers evaluating a parenting program need to define the nature of the changes they predict and ensure that the measures accurately reflect the proposed areas of change.

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Reliability and validity Chosen measures also need to be reliable and valid. The term ‘reliability’ refers to the consistency with which an instrument measures a particular construct, or aspect and is evaluated in several major ways. ‘Test-retest reliability’ refers to the extent to which an instrument provides a similar measure of a particular construct at two points in time. The interval between these two time points should be fairly brief so that the measurement is not affected by the passage of time. Also, no intervention should be administered during this period. If a measure is not shown to have test-retest reliability, fluctuations in scores may simply reflect measurement error. Another form of reliability is internal consistency. ‘Internal consistency’ refers to the extent to which items within the method used (for example, questions of a self-report questionnaire) provide a similar measure of the construct or aspect being measured. Questionnaires, for example, generally include a number of items measuring the same construct. A questionnaire measuring stress in the parenting role may elicit responses to the following statements: • I find it stressful to manage my responsibilities as a parent. • Being a parent is more stressful than I had imagined. Clearly the participant should rate the answers to these questions in a similar manner. If it was found that items allegedly measuring the same construct were not well correlated, the measure is said to have poor internal consistency. The ‘validity’ of a method or instrument refers to the extent to which it accurately measures the construct it is believed to measure. There are different types of validity, including content validity and construct validity. Content validity is where the method used measures all aspects of the particular construct being evaluated. For example, a measure of depression should include items that capture the components of lowered mood, sleep disturbance, and appetite change (Barker et al., 1994). A measure is said to lack content validity if it fails to measure important aspects of the construct under study. Construct validity is the success of the final scale to measure the characteristics of the construct. This can be demonstrated in a number of

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ways, of which one method is to show that scores on the measure are highly correlated with another measure of the same construct and uncorrelated with unrelated constructs. For instance, a measure of parental stress should correlate highly with a measure of anxiety and poorly with a measure of reading ability. A more detailed discussion of general issues in validity can be found in Anastasi and Urbina (1997).

Other issues of measurement How constructs or aspects relevant to child and family psychology are measured falls into three broad categories: • standardised interviews • self-reports • observational measures In the first, a structured interview consisting of a series of questions is conducted by the interviewer who then uses a rating scale to provide a measure of the conceptual domain that is addressed by each question. This may be dichotomised as a yes/no response or rated on a scale. Such approaches are often used to determine diagnostic status within the current classification system for mental disorders: the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 4th Edition (American Psychiatic Association, 1994). Self-report measures are typically less concerned with diagnosis as such and more with determining where an individual fits on a continuum. Some self-report instruments that are concerned with highly sensitive information that participants may be reluctant to report have validity checks. The Child Abuse Potential Inventory (Milner, 1986) is one such example. As parents may have occasion to either under-report or to overstate their child’s problems this measure has both a ‘faking good’ and ‘faking bad’ scale in addition to other validity checks. Finally, many studies in the child and family area use observational measures to determine whether there is an observable difference in families or children following an intervention. Ratings of the quality of parent–child transactions can focus on specific parent–child interactional sequences using measures such as the Dyadic Parent–Child Interaction Schedule (Eyberg & Robinson) or Family Observation Schedule (Dadds & Sanders, 1992). In such instances, behaviours are

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coded according to strict criteria and the number of behaviours per criterion is counted to determine whether there has been a change. An alternative approach is to make global ratings of particular constructs such as parental sensitivity or hostility. One such observational system, the Emotional Availability Scales, has been developed by Biringen and colleagues (Pipp Siegel & Biringen, 1998). Ideally, studies should include measures using different types of instruments. For example, a stronger case can be made that the quality of the parent–child relationship has improved if behavioural observations of the quality of the parent–child relationship is consistent with the parent’s self-report of their relationship with the child (Roberts & Hope, 2001).

Distinguishing efficacy and effectiveness research Methodology that focuses on the internal validity of an intervention is important in demonstrating what is possible under ideal conditions. Studies that address the internal validity of an intervention are referred to as ‘efficacy studies’ and almost always have strict inclusion and exclusion criteria for participants. The delivery of the intervention in efficacy studies is usually by selected and trained clinicians who receive ongoing supervision and adherence to the treatment protocol is ensured during supervision. Finally, the intervention in efficacy studies is delivered in places that are well resourced and designed to accommodate the particular intervention (such as university clinics, teaching hospitals). Effectiveness studies, on the other hand, evaluate interventions under real-world conditions and address the external validity of the intervention (Chambless & Hollon, 1998). Effectiveness studies generally involve a more heterogenous sample (that is, few or no inclusion and exclusion criteria), are conducted in ‘real-world’ settings, such as a home, school, general medical setting, and are implemented by the practitioners in the clinical setting. Effectiveness studies, then, are characterised by less control over: • the client population selected; • the prior training, skills and motivation of practitioners implementing the program; and

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• other setting events including the level of supervision available for practitioners, availability of time to prepare sessions, space in the clinic, and the commitment and support of colleagues and managers. The aims and methodology of an effectiveness study vary from those of an efficacy study. Effectiveness studies are more concerned with the problems associated with the dissemination of an intervention. These problems include issues concerning the recruitment and engagement of families, the quality of program implementation when practitioners in clinical settings deliver the intervention, and the level of training and models of supervision required to support practitioners implementing the interventions. Organisational factors such as the restraints of time, space, and the support of management that can interfere with program delivery. Client outcomes and satisfaction with the intervention are also important (Clarke, 1995; Henggeler, Schoenwald, Liao, Letourneau & Edwards, 2002; Matthew R. Sanders, Turner & Markie Dadds, 2002; Weisz, Donenberg, Han & Weiss, 1995).

Development and evaluation of the Parents Under Pressure (PUP) Program In this section the methodological issues raised above are illustrated by describing the development and research evaluation of the Parents Under Pressure program, a parenting program developed for multi-problem, high-risk parents (Dawe, Harnett & Rendalls, 2000). The research literature on high-risk parents (including parents who abuse substances and those involved with child protection agencies) clearly indicates that in addition to parenting skills, these groups of parents have a number of areas of vulnerability that may impede their ability to protect and care for their child. Dawe et al. (2000) argued that a program targeting high-risk parents should adopt an ecological perspective addressing problems at multiple levels including modules targeting: • the individual parents; • family relationships (parent–child and marital relationships); and • the social context of the family.

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The PUP program includes modules that intervene in each of these three domains. In developing the PUP program, it was acknowledged that the intervention should be flexible as there would be considerable variability in the needs of individual families. Therefore the format of the program was conceptualised as a structured, non-sequential (SNS) intervention. That is, the intervention is structured insofar as a module in the manual addresses each identified problem area. However, the program is nonsequential in that the order of presentation is determined by taking into account the initial assessment and the salient presenting problems for the family in each session. It is common for high-risk parents to report a life crisis or stressor of such magnitude that their attention to a structured session is minimal, reducing the likelihood they will benefit from the session. In order to respond appropriately and flexibly in such situations, the therapist in each session determines the immediate stressor for the parent and addresses these issues by developing action plans. Through this process, the therapist helps the parent acquire proactive problem solving skills to cope more effectively with life stressors. Over the course of the program there is an increasing emphasis on parents taking responsibility for executing these action plans and developing their own action plans. In this way, the presentation of life crises during the intervention is anticipated and used as a therapeutic opportunity. The theoretical background of the PUP program has implications for the methodology used to evaluate the program.

Evaluating the PUP program using single case methodology Evaluating the effectiveness of the PUP program began with a series of single case studies to ascertain whether parents would engage in the program and would benefit from this involvement. Families who attended a methadone maintenance clinic were offered the opportunity to take part in a pilot program called PUP. Following a comprehensive assessment of parental factors including psychological problems and drug use, child factors such as behaviour problems, and parent–child relationship, each family took part in the 12-session PUP program.

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The program was delivered in clients’ homes. Of nine families who began the program, eight were recontacted at three months. All families reported significant improvements in three domains: parental functioning, parent–child relationship and parental substance use and risk behaviour. Of particular interest was the decrease in concurrent alcohol use and HIV risk taking behaviour. The families reported high levels of satisfaction with the program, mirroring the findings above. The results of this series of single case studies were sufficient to conclude that the parents were willing to engage in the program and benefited from the program. While the methodology of the pilot study provided evidence suggestive of a positive impact, it is not possible to conclude that the changes were not due to maturation or extraneous variables. For example, the parent’s motivation to attend the program may have been influenced by transient problems in the family that would have resolved spontaneously without intervention. A subsequent study employed Randomised Controlled Trial methodology to further investigate the internal reliability of the program.

Comparison conditions and randomisation The intensive PUP program was compared to a brief two-session intervention and to standard care. Participants were randomly allocated to one of the three conditions immediately following screening for eligibility according to the CONSORT guidelines (Moher et al., 2001).

Treatment integrity The Structured Non Sequential approach adopted by the PUP program allows for flexibility in the delivery of the PUP program, but increases the complexity of demonstrating that the program was delivered according to the manual. Rather than simply demonstrating that therapists competently implemented each module, it was necessary to ensure that the program delivered was based on an accurate assessment and formulation of the family’s problems. To measure the quality of program implementation under these conditions, PUP has adapted the approach described by Henggeler and his colleagues in their evaluation of Multi-Systemic Therapy (MST) (Henggeler, Schoenwald, Liao, Letourneau & Edwards, 2002a).

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MST shares characteristics in common with PUP insofar as the intervention is manualised but the intervention is tailored according to the needs of the family. Rather than follow a fixed format, MST therapists are expected to adhere to nine general treatment principles (Henggeler, Schoenwald, Rowland & Cunningham, 2002b). The quality of program administration is measured in terms of the therapist’s success in adhering to these nine principles (Henggeler et al., 2002a). It was argued that supervision was important in maintaining therapist adherence and scales were developed to measure therapist and supervision adherence to the MST principles (Henggeler et al., 2002b). Together with feedback from the families engaged in treatment, these scales make up the MST quality assurance system (Henggeler et al., 2002a).

Issues of measurement In line with the theoretical orientation of the PUP program that functioning in the parenting role is influenced by multiple domains, instruments were used to measure: • • • •

each child’s emotional, social and behavioural functioning; parental psychological functioning and attitudes to parenting; parent–child interaction; and the impact of social contextual factors, such as life events or availability of support, on the parent’s perception of stress in the parenting role.

Details of the actual measures used are provided in the PUP treatment manual (Dawe et al., 2000).

Major findings Families who took part in the PUP program reported substantial improvements across almost all domains. They reported decreases in parental stress, decreases in their child abuse potential generally and a reduction in rigid parenting attitudes. They also reported that their child(ren) were demonstrating fewer behavioural problems and had improved in their peer relationships. These changes were evident at the three-month post-treatment assessment point and are enduring at six-month follow up. By way of contrast neither the Brief Intervention nor the Standard Care groups showed any improvements (Dawe, Harnett, Rendalls & Staiger, 2003).

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PUP dissemination study Effectiveness or dissemination studies have different aims from efficacy studies. Specifically there is a change of focus from what is possible under ideal conditions to what actually happens in the real world. The PUP dissemination study is currently being conducted in methadone clinics in NSW. The primary focus of the PUP dissemination study is to assess the success of the program in engaging families to participate in the program. This includes: • evaluating a model of training and supervision; • assessing the quality of program implementation when the intervention is delivered by practitioners in clinical settings; and • evaluating the effect of the program on client outcomes, including client satisfaction with the program. Training was provided to practitioners from different disciplines working in the methadone clinics. As there was variability amongst the practitioners in their prior training in parenting interventions, it was important to ensure that each practitioner received an optimal level of training and supervision to be confident and competent to deliver the PUP program. In real-world settings it is acknowledged that time release for training is costly and can involve a great deal of organisation to facilitate attendance. Redundancy in training is costly and can reduce the uptake of programs if the initial investment of time for training is perceived to be too high. On the other hand, the program may be less effective if inadequately trained professionals fail to implement it competently (Clarke, 1995; Weisz et al., 1995). To determine that training is effective, measures are being used to evaluate both the immediate outcomes of training, including the trainees’ satisfaction with training, and more distal outcomes such as the subsequent quality of program implementation and client outcomes. As in the efficacy study described above, Henggeler and colleagues’ MST quality assurance model is being used to evaluate the quality of supervision and the therapists’ delivery of the program (Henggeler et al., 2002a). The measures used in the RCT to measure changes in the parents are also being used in the dissemination study to allow a comparison between the changes that occurred in the PUP program under optimal conditions compared to those found in real-world settings.

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Conclusions There are many ways to evaluate intervention programs. A general understanding of the different approaches to evaluation is useful for practitioners wanting to adopt an evidence-based approach to clinical practice. Understanding the strengths and limitations of clinical research evaluations allows practitioners to critically appraise the usefulness of an intervention developed and implemented elsewhere with their own client group and presenting problems. An understanding of clinical evaluations, and the methodology of single case designs, is useful in providing the most convincing evidence for the effectiveness of their clinical work. It is hoped that the overview of research methodology presented in this chapter will assist practitioners to critically appraise the literature of treatment evaluations, and also provide information on methods for evaluating the interventions employed in their own clinical practice.

References Abidin, R. R. (1995). Parenting Stress Index (3rd Ed.). Professional Manual. FI: Psychological Assessment Resources. American Psychiatric Association (1994). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (4th Ed.). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association. Anastasi, A., & Urbina, S. (1997). Psychological Testing (7th Ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice Hall. Barker, C., Pistrang, N., & Elliott, R. (1994). Research Methods in Clinical and Counselling Psychology. Chichester, England: John Wiley. Begg, C., Cho, M., Eastwood, S., Horton, R., Moher, D., Olkin, I., et al. (1996). Improving the quality of reporting of randomized controlled trials. The CONSORT statement. JAMA, 276(8), 637–9. Belsky, J. (1984). The determinants of parenting: A process model. Child Development, 55(1), 83–96. Blampied, N.M. (2001). The third way: Single-case research, training, and practice in clinical psychology. Australian Psychologist, 36(2), 157–63. Chambless, D.L., & Hollon, S.D. (1998). Defining empirically supported therapies. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 66(1), 7–18.

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Cicchetti, D., & Toth, S.L. (1998). Perspectives on research and practice in developmental psychopathology. In W. Damon, I. Sigel & K.A. Renninger (Eds), Handbook of Child Psychology: Vol 4. Child Psychology in Practice (5th Ed.) (pp. 479–583). New York: Wiley. Clarke, G.N. (1995). Improving the transition from basic efficacy research to effectiveness studies: Methodological issues and procedures. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 63(5), 718–25. Dadds, M.R., & Sanders, M.R. (1992). Family interaction and child psychopathology: A comparison of two observation strategies. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 1(4), 371–91. Dawe, S., Harnett, P.H., & Rendalls, V. (2000). The Parents Under Pressure Program: Facilitator’s Manual (Substance Misuse). Brisbane: Griffith University. Dawe, S., Harnett, P.H., Rendalls, V., & Staiger, P. (2003). Improving family functioning and child outcome in methadone maintained families: The Parents Under Pressure program. Drug and Alcohol Review, 22, 299-307. Dawe, S., Harnett, P.H., Staiger, P., & Dadds, M.R. (2000). Parent training skills and methadone maintenance: clinical opportunities and challenges. Drug and Alcohol Dependence, 60, 1–11. Dudley, J.R., & Stone, G. (2001). Fathering at Risk: Helping Nonresidential Fathers. New York, NY: Springer Publishing Co. Eyberg, S.M., & Robinson, E.A. (1983). Dyadic parent–child interaction coding system (DPICS): A manual. Psychological Documents, 13(2), MS. 2582, 24. Fagan, J., & Hawkins, A.J. (Eds) (2001). Clinical and Educational Interventions with Fathers. Binghamton, NY: Haworth Clinical Practice Press. Gaynor, S.T., Baird, S.C., & Nelson Gray, R.O. (1999). Application of timeseries (single-subject) designs in clinical psychology. In P.C. Kendall & J.N. Butcher (Eds), Handbook of Research Methods in Clinical Psychology (2nd Ed.) (pp. 297–329). New York, NY: John Wiley & Sons Inc. Hayes, S.C., Barlow, D.H., & Nelson Gray, R.O. (1999). The Scientist Practitioner: Research and Accountability in the Age of Managed Care (2nd Ed.). Needham Heights, MA: Allyn & Bacon. Henggeler, S.W., Schoenwald, S.K., Liao, J.G., Letourneau, E.J., & Edwards, D.L. (2002a). Transporting efficacious treatments to field settings: The link between supervisory practices and therapist fidelity in MST programs. Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 31(2), 155–67.

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Henggeler, S.W., Schoenwald, S.K., Rowland, M.D., & Cunningham, P.B. (2002b). Serious Emotional Disturbance in Children and Adolescents: Multisystemic therapy. New York, NY: Guilford Press. Hsu, L.M. (1998). Random sampling, randomization, and equivalence of contrasted groups in psychotherapy outcome research. In A. Kazdin (Ed.), Methodological Issues and Strategies in Clinical Research (2nd Ed.). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association. Kazdin, A. (1981). Drawing valid inferences from case studies. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 49, 183–92. Kendall, P.C., Butcher, J.N., & Holmbeck, G.N. (Eds) (1999). Handbook of Research Methods in Clinical Psychology (2nd Ed.). New York, NY: John Wiley & Sons Inc. Kendall, P.C., & Chu, B.C. (2000). Retrospective self-reports of therapist flexibility in a manual-based treatment for youths with anxiety disorders. Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 29(2), 209–20. Milner, J.S. (1986). The Child Abuse Potential Inventory (2nd Ed.). North Carolina: Psytec Inc. Mitchell, M., & Jolley, J. (1996). Research Design Explained (3rd Ed.). Orlando, FL: Harcourt Brace College Publishers. Moher, D., Schulz, K.F., & Altman, D.G. Checklist of Items to Include When Reporting a Randomized Trial (56–8). Retrieved on 11 February 2003, from http://www.consort-statement.org/revisedstatement.htm#checklist Moher, D., Schulz, K.F., & Altman, D.G. (2001). The CONSORT statement: Revised recommendations for improving the quality of reports of parallel-group randomised trials. Lancet, 357(9263), 1191–4. O’Gorman, J.G. (2001). The scientist-practitioner model and its critics. Australian Psychologist, 36(2), 164–9. Pipp Siegel, S., & Biringen, Z. (1998). Assessing the quality of relationships between parents and children: The emotional availability scales. Volta Review, 100(5), 237–49. Raimy, V.C. (1950). Training in Clinical Psychology. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall. Roberts, M.W., & Hope, D.A. (2001). Clinic observations of structured parent–child interaction designed to evaluate externalizing disorders. Psychological Assessment, 13(1), 46–58. Sanders, M.R. (1995). Healthy Families, Healthy Nation: Strategies for promoting family mental health in Australia. Brisbane: Australian Academic Press.

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Sanders, M.R., Turner, K.M.T., & Markie Dadds, C. (2002). The development and dissemination of the Triple P-Positive Parenting program: A multilevel, evidence-based system of parenting and family support. Prevention Science, 3(3), 173–89. Shapiro, M.M. (1967). Clinical psychology as an applied science. British Journal of Psychiatry, 113, 1039–42. Shapiro, M.M. (1985). A reassessment of clinical psychology as an applied science. British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 24, 1–11. Stricker, G., & Trierweiler, S.J. (1995). The local clinical scientist: A bridge between science and practice. American Psychologist, 50(12), 995–1002. Trierweiler, S.J., & Stricker, G. (1998). The Scientific Practice of Professional Psychology. New York, NY: Plenum Press. Turpin, G. (2001). Single case methodology and psychotherapy evaluation: from research to practice. In C. Mace & S. Moorey (Eds), Evidence in the Psychological Therapies: A critical guide for practitioners (pp. 91–113). New York, NY: Brunner-Routledge. Waltz, J., Addis, M.E., Koerner, K., & Jacobson, N.S. (1993). Testing the integrity of a psychotherapy protocol: Assessment of adherence and competence. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 61(4), 620–630. Weisz, J.R., Donenberg, G.R., Han, S.S., & Weiss, B. (1995). Bridging the gap between laboratory and clinic in child and adolescent psychotherapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 63(5), 688–701.

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CHAPTER 13

Relationships between men and their children Robin Sullivan, Commissioner for Children and Young People, Queensland*

BIOGRAPHY Robin Sullivan was appointed Children’s Commissioner in April 1999 after a distinguished career in the Queensland Department of Education. As Commissioner for Children and Young People, Robin is responsible for promoting and protecting the rights, interests and wellbeing of children in Queensland. Robin is also member of various groups including the Child Protection Council, the Reference Group of the Queensland Crime and Misconduct Commission, and the Queensland Child Care Forum.

Introduction ‘What is a father, a real father? What is the meaning of that great word? What is the immensely great idea behind that name?’ (Fyodor Dostoevsky, 1888 The Brothers Karamazov, quoted in Webb, 1998, p. 43). Current definitions of ‘father’ as with other aspects of fathering are being debated on theoretical, pragmatic, moral and ethical grounds. These divergent views must be acknowledged in any discussion on fathering. * This chapter is an updated version of papers presented by Robin Sullivan at the 7th AIFS Conference in Sydney on 24–26 July 2000, entitled, Fathering and Children – The Contemporary Context, and Sullivan, R. (2001). Fathering and Children, Family Matters, 58 Autumn, 18–23.

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Defining fatherhood and motherhood is essentially problematic. No longer can we clearly and conclusively argue that fatherhood or motherhood is exclusively defined by one’s biological role. A man can provide or undertake a fathering role to a child he has not biologically fathered, such as in the case of a stepchild, a foster child or an adopted child. Similarly, a woman can fulfil a mothering role in the same situations. Accordingly, how we define fatherhood and motherhood is complex and multidimensional. This chapter will consider changing understandings of ‘father’, and then explore what is known about the nature and importance of the relationships between fathers and their children.

Changes to the family The nature of the contemporary Australian family has been affected by a number of factors including: an increase in the number of single parent families (Sigle-Rushton & McLanahan, 2002); the changing nature of work and an increase in the number of women in employment from 29 per cent in 1966 to 60 per cent in 2002 (ABS, 2002a). Close to 60 per cent of two parent families with dependent children are now dual income earners (ABS, 2002b). Given these changes the responsibility for raising children no longer rests solely with women. There is a resulting impact on how the family is structured and on the nature of parenting roles and responsibilities. The growing diversity of family structures and relationships between fathers and their children has also resulted in a decreasing number of children living with their biological fathers, an increase in the number of stepfathers, and an increasing number of custodial single fathers (Day, Evans & Lamb, 1998). This diversity is reflected in the following statistics (ABS, 2003): • 51.2% of divorces in Australia involve children under eighteen years of age; • 20.3% of all families with children under fifteen are headed by a lone female; • 2.7% of all families with children under fifteen years are headed by a lone male; and • in 33% of all marriages, at least one partner has had a previous marriage.

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Cultural diversity also affects the construction of the family, parenting roles and responsibilities, values and attitudes (Hartley, 1995; Luke & Luke, 1998). It is argued that taken-for-granted cultural, religious and gendered practices and power relations are all open to reconfiguration and renegotiation within inter-racial and inter-cultural marriages, as few role models exist for these families (Luke & Luke, 1998, p. 749). With each new ‘generation’, we see changes in values and customs, including changes to the traditional roles of the father. Often changes in the structure of the family and the roles of men and women have resulted in the need to rethink traditional parenting roles. These changes include an increasing number of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender parents who are conceiving, bearing and adopting or fostering children (McNair, 2002). The impact of this, whilst still limited, can be seen in changes to legislation and social policy as evidenced in the Netherlands, which became the first country to recognise and give samesex couples equal and complete rights in marriage in 2000. Ontario and Vermont have also legislated for same-sex couples to have full and equal family rights (Stacey & Biblarz, 2001). In Queensland, amendments to the Anti-Discrimination Act 1991, due for proclamation mid-2003, introduce and recognise ‘sexuality’, ‘gender identity’ and ‘relationship status’ as grounds on which discrimination can occur. In addition, a recent decision by the Full Bench of the Family Court of Australia has recognised a transgender couple as constituting a lawful heterosexual marriage, and thus eligible to adopt children (Griffith, 2003, p. 7)

The social construction of fatherhood Social changes indicated above mean that it is no longer easy to define the term ‘father’. Tanfer and Mott (1997, p. 1) argued that ‘…A man becomes a father when he has his first child; [and]…once a man becomes a father he is always a father.’ However, the relevance of the notion of biological fatherhood becomes problematic and controversial, given changes to family structures and the emergence of reproduction options. In an attempt to clarify the terminology, they distinguished between ‘fatherhood’ as a biological status attained by having a child, and

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‘fathering’, which includes the procreative act and all the childrearing roles that fathers may fulfil (Tanfer & Mott, 1997). This is a more useful conceptualisation as changes in family structure now include an increasing number of non-biological fathers. Men are now more likely than ever before to live separately from their children and to father outside of marriage. Many men experience fatherhood as a sequence of relationships with children, some biologically theirs and some the children of spouses or partners. (Bachrach & Sonenstein, 1998, p. 1)

It can be argued, then, that the concept of ‘social fatherhood’ is more meaningful than ‘biological fatherhood’, where ‘social fatherhood… includes all the child rearing roles, activities, duties and responsibilities that fathers are expected to perform and fulfill.’ (Bachrach & Sonenstein, 1998, p. 5) It is also argued that fathering, like mothering, parenting and the family, is a socially constructed phenomenon that has changed over the centuries, along with changes to the social, economic and political canvas (Doherty, Kouneski & Erickson, 1998). Some writers, such as Maley (2001, p. 133), have proposed that the role of the father has been diminished over the last two hundred years, and that fatherhood is more vulnerable to change than motherhood because of different biological relationships. Others, including Ron Frey (in this book), have argued that these changes open up new and richer possibilities for men in their fathering roles. What is obvious however, is that the traditional roles of parents are no longer clear and definitive; there is overlap and roles are more fluid, needing to adapt to the particular circumstances and social context (Maley, 2001, p. 133). Pleck and Pleck (1997) mapped the historical development of the concept of fatherhood in America. They identified five phases in its construction over the past two centuries. The dominant paradigms include, during the 18th century, father as moral teacher or guide. From 1830 to 1900, and in conjunction with industrialisation there was a shift to father as breadwinner (Doherty et al., 1998, p. 277). The benchmark for good fathering became the ability to provide for the family (Pleck & Pleck, 1997). While these remained important roles for fathers, up to the current time, the 1940s saw fathers taking responsibility for sex role modelling,

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especially for their sons. With the 1970s there was a shift to the nurturant father, requiring involvement as an active parent. Movies produced at the time such as Kramer versus Kramer (1979) and The World According to Garp (1982) reflected this new direction (Pleck & Pleck, 1997). Currently, we are seeing a shift to father as co-parent (Pleck & Pleck, 1997). This assumes that both parents share responsibility for children equally and interchangeably, thus challenging existing gendered divisions of labour (Abramovitch, 1997). This conceptualisation recognises fatherhood as a complex, multi-dimensional role, compared to the earlier conceptualisations (Lamb, 1997). It is interesting to note that the expectation has continued that fathers be the ‘main breadwinner’ within the family unit, even in families where both partners are employed (Jesser, 1996; Lamb, 1997; Doherty et al., 1998). The ongoing disparity in earnings between men and women has been proposed as the primary reason for this (Lamb, 1997). Cultural images of contemporary fatherhood incorporate stereotypes reflecting both ideal and negative images (Marsiglio, 1995). Contemporary television shows include fathers portrayed as figures of fun. While they still maintain the role of primary breadwinner, these fathers engender little authority or respect from not only their children but also their wives (Lupton & Barclay, 1997). Recent examples include Homer Simpson from the cartoon series The Simpsons, Dan from the television show Roseanne and more recently, Raymond from Everybody Loves Raymond. Sometimes these programs focus on the father struggling with his fathering role and explicitly concerned about his relationships with his children. The media also reflects the diversity of family structures and the impact these have on the role of the father. In some Australian television series such as McLeod’s Daughters, the father is absent. In Home and Away foster parents are significant characters, suggesting the importance of father figures. Another popular Australian television series, Seachange, presented a range of families. Characters included a single father raising his son on his own, a divorced mother raising her two children with the father being geographically distant and a traditional nuclear family.

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Influences on fathering What we see then is that being a father in contemporary Australia is challenging, with many factors shaping the way fatherhood is perceived and the way fathers behave (Department of Family and Community Services, 1999). Boys and young men live in complex cultural contexts, where experiences of what it is to be a male and a father are rich and diverse. There are conflicting trends to be considered in developing an understanding of contemporary fathering (Tanfer & Mott, 1997). Many of the new fathering books appear to be based on ‘a longing to return to a pre-feminist historical period: a mythological age where men were warriors and gods’ (Gilbert & Gilbert, 1998, p. 94). However, such approaches offer little to help us understand contemporary gender and paternal relations. The concept of fatherhood has continued to evolve, with subsequent implications for children and the family, resulting in a debate ‘fueled by the diverse interests of those associated with the feminist movements, men’s rights organisations, gay/lesbian organisations, and the new right’ (Marsiglio, 1995, p. 20). We see this in the research conducted by Townsend (1994, p. 164) involving three hundred and fifty Australian men. The study found that the terms ‘head of the household’, and ‘patriarch’ and ‘provider’ have almost disappeared. However, there does not seem to be any alternative phrase that captures the role of men as contemporary fathers. Parke (2000) identified four levels of influence on fathering: individual influences; familial influences, incorporating both dyadic and triadic relationships; extra-familial which incorporates both informal support systems and institutional or formal influences; and cultural influences. This is similar to a model proposed by Doherty and colleagues (1998), which draws on systems and ecological theory and encompasses situations where the father lives with the family and child and situations where he is living apart from them. The model has the child–father–mother triad at the centre, and these three are then nestled within the broader social context. The model incorporates five dimensions that influence the role of fathering: contextual factors; child factors; mother factors; co-parental relationship; and father factors.

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‘Contextual factors’, in line with the ecological framework developed by Bronfenbrenner (1979), include structural, social and environmental factors such as legal paternity, the impact of unemployment, social support, cultural and ethnic factors (Doherty et al., 1998, pp. 287–8). ‘Child factors’ include age, temperament of child and issues such as fathers being more involved with sons (Marsiglio, 1991). Child factors are not seen to be as significant as the other four dimensions in influencing the role of fathering. However, this could be due to the lack of research in the area (Doherty et al., 1998, p. 288). ‘Mother factors’ are important in terms of the role that mothers can play as ‘gatekeepers’ to the father–child relationship, both within the marital relationship and following separation or divorce (Doherty et al., 1998, pp. 286–7). The role of gatekeeper can be influenced by factors such as the mother’s expectations of the father’s role, together with her commitments outside the home, such as work or study. The ‘co-parent’ dimension recognises that the quality of the relationship between the father and child can be affected by the quality of the parental relationship. Fathers may withdraw from their children if they experience relationship problems with the mother. This can help to explain why some fathers’ involvement with their children is limited following a marital breakdown, particularly where this has been negative or conflictual (Doherty et al., 1998, p. 286). ‘Father factors’ include identification with, and commitment to the role of fathering, their parenting skills and their own experiences of being parented (Doherty et al., 1998, p. 288). Research indicates that, like women, many men learn how to parent through the experiences of their own parents (McGurk & Kolar, 1997; Department of Family & Community Services, 1999). The influence of one’s own parents on how one learns how to parent has received much attention and debate (Belsky & Vondra, 1989; Baker & Carson, 1999; Keary, 2000). A theme that emerged from the study by Lupton & Barclay (1997) is that, for those fathers who discuss their own fathers, it is in terms of their being ‘absent’. For these men, the desire is to be different from their fathers. As one respondent commented ‘…I guess I’m wanting to try and be the sort of father that I would have liked when I was a boy…don’t want to make the same mistakes that I saw in my father’ (Lupton & Barclay, 1997, p. 121).

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These findings are supported by a study carried out by Daly (1993), who interviewed thirty-two Canadian fathers. The respondents identified their own fathers as deserving of their respect, and as ‘influential’ in their own fathering behaviour. However, this influence is enacted through their wanting to be the antithesis of their fathers. Rather than specific figures or images that they wanted to emulate, these men identified actions or values as being influential on their own behaviour and indicated that these came from fathering peers or the advice of a mother or wife in a fragmented, rather than a holistic way (Daly, 1993). ‘From this perspective, learning to be a father is somewhat akin to the thoughtful consumer who stands before the shelves making a careful selection of products that are to be added to the cart’ (Daly, 1993, p. 522). White (1994) also concluded from her study of Australian men that fathers were focused on developing a better relationship with their children than the one they had experienced with their fathers.

The father–child relationship In recent years the crucial role that fathers play in children’s lives has been emphasised. Sometimes this has been couched in alarmist terms, with strong images that appeal to our emotions. For example, On almost every indicator of child wellbeing, children today fare worse than their counterparts just a generation ago. The reason: the dramatic rise, over the last thirty years, in the number of children living in fatherless households (http://www.fatherhood.org/about-us.html).

This statement raises some questions and demonstrates how important it is to separate myth from reality. ‘While it would be a seemingly obvious proposition to most of us, that fathers’ consistent and substantial involvement in child care would benefit the child, this appears to have not been well established.’ (Tanfer & Mott, 1997, p. 4) Further research is needed to inform our work. There is also a danger in making assumptions about simple causal relationships. Consider the following statement by Erickson (2000, p. 1). The problem of father absence has been well documented, both in numbers that capture the scope of the problem and in a range of negative outcomes

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that reflect the deep psychological trauma experienced by the children… and the high cost to society. Father-absence is strongly associated with high rates of school failure and drop-out, early sexual activity and teen pregnancy, youth suicide, juvenile delinquency and adult criminality.

The absence of a father can often result in economic consequences for the child, ranging from minor and inconsequential to severe (Erickson, 2000; Jackson, Brooks-Gunn, Huang & Glassman, 2000). Poverty is strongly related to a number of problems that can manifest as criminal behaviour, school drop out, homelessness and lack of education and security. ‘The consensus in the literature is that the economic hardship of many single mothers seriously restricts the educational, health, and occupational opportunities for their children’ (Father Presence Matters Library, 2000). The question, then, is whether it is the father absence that is the crucial contributing factor to these negative outcomes, or the resulting economic hardship suffered by single parents (Shaver, 1998). Separating these confounding issues poses a challenge for researchers. In investigating the importance of the father–child relationship, it is crucial to understand what it is that fathers contribute to their children when they are present and what their children lose when they are absent. Conflicting views exist about the effects of an absent father. One school of thought advocates for the detrimental effects of father absence on children: ‘…right now we live in a culture deeply wounded with enormous father hunger, not because fathers are more important, but because they are more often missing.’ (Farrell, 2001, p. 2) The other school argues that fathers are, in fact, not important. Both schools of thought are able to produce evidence to support their argument. Evidence in support of the detrimental effects of father absence can be found in the work of Wallerstein and colleagues (Wallerstein, Lewis & Blakeslee, 2000) who conducted longitudinal research on 131 children, followed up over a 25-year period. They have identified two dominant myths about divorce. The first is that if parents are happy, their children will be happy. The second is that divorce is a temporary crisis with the greatest impact being at the time of the break up (Wallerstein et al., 2000). They argued that these myths stem from their convenience for adults and, although they are myths, they play a significant role in our society as they can guide social policy.

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The authors proposed that the major impact of divorce does not occur during childhood or adolescence, but during adulthood when the individual starts to choose a partner, or build a family. For these individuals, perception of their parents and relationships with them and between them become their template for adulthood. The absence of positive images of these intimate relationships can exert a negative influence on their search for love, intimacy and commitment (Wallerstein et al., 2000, p.xxxv). This is consistent with Rutter’s (2000) summary of recent research on divorce, where he argued that the family conflict and discord that accompanies some separations is the factor that puts children at psychopathological risk. Other research has identified that restricted access of a father to his children, for example in the case of a marriage separation, negatively affects the development of a child’s self esteem, academic achievement and emotional and psychological wellbeing (Cockett & Tripp, 1994; Curtner-Smith, 1995; Richards, Gitelson & Hurtig, 1991). However, another study has found that the mere presence of a father is not the crucial factor but rather it is his active involvement in the child’s life that matters (Black, Dubowitz & Starr Jnr., 1999). Black and colleagues found that even if fathers do not live at home, their active involvement has a positive effect on their children’s language skills and behaviour. A father’s emotional investment in, and attachment to his children, in conjunction with his role as financial supporter, are positively linked to the wellbeing, cognitive development and the social competence of children (Amato & Booth, 1997; Amato & Rivera, 1999; Yogman, Kindlon & Earls, 1995). The academic achievement of children has also been positively related to high levels of father involvement (Updegraff, McHale & Crouter, 1996; Williams & Radin, 1993). Consistent with these studies is the research undertaken by Russell and his colleagues (Department of Family and Community Services, 1999), who found that there was no one set of positive behaviours on the part of fathers that resulted in children’s wellbeing. However, the importance of father involvement and the impact of father absence was clear, ‘Rather, a successful father, as defined in terms of his children’s development, is one whose role performance matches the demands and prescriptions of his socio-cultural and familial context’ (Department of Family and Community Services, 1999, p. 22).

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Furthermore, one emerging argument is that single fathers can raise children with as much skill, if not more, than mothers (Farrell, 2001). This argument is based on the premise that those men who raise children alone have often had to overcome legal, social and cultural barriers and this requires high levels of motivation (Farrell, 2001, p. 7). The second school of thought argues that father absence does not necessarily result in detrimental effects on children. Support for this position can be found in the work of Hetherington and Kelly (2002) who conducted longitudinal research of nearly 1400 families over a 30-year period. They found that divorce does not necessarily result in detrimental effects for children, and that these effects have been exaggerated. They determined that even though a ‘fair number’ of the children interviewed saw themselves as being emotionally scarred by divorce, their objective assessment in fact showed that most were successfully managing the chief tasks of adulthood and therefore were not ‘scarred’ (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002, p. 7). Further, the study revealed that if the father was emotionally absent prior to the divorce and if the custodial mother was ‘reasonably well adjusted’ there were little long-term negative effects on the child (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002, p. 9). The study concluded that ‘80 per cent of children from divorced homes eventually are able to adapt to their new life and become reasonably well adjusted’ (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002, p. 228). However, caution needs to be exercised when accepting these findings for a number of reasons. Some of the quantitative findings are presented as generalisations, which can result in different interpretations. There is a lack of clarity regarding the meaning of some terms used and in underlying assumptions. For example, emotive terms such as ‘emotionally scarred’ are not defined in the context of the study and these can have different meanings for different people and be measured in a variety of ways. This has implications for the reliability and validity of the conclusions drawn. A recent study of 1165 twin pairs by Jaffee and colleagues found that, for fathers who engage in high levels of antisocial behaviour, the more time they spend with their children, the more conduct problems the children have (Jaffee, Moffitt, Caspi & Taylor, 2003). Conversely, for fathers who engage in low levels of antisocial behaviour, the less time they live with their children, the more conduct problems the children have.

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What emerges is that both schools of thought have their limitations because of the complex issues under review. It is not surprising, then, that when Paul Amato reviewed the literature on the importance of fathers in the lives of children, he found that the evidence at that time was quite ambiguous (1994, p. 1031). One stream of research indicated the positive influence of fathers on their children’s lives and wellbeing. Accordingly, findings from this research shows father absence results in negative outcomes and disadvantages for the children. A second stream identified fathers, in essence, as not being important to their children’s lives. Amato (1994), however, identified methodological issues with some of this research that could affect the validity of the findings. He also highlighted the continuing issue of inconsistencies and variations in the quality of research on fathering. In his subsequent work, Amato (1998) argued that one of the reasons for conflicting views on the importance of non-resident father involvement with their children is that researchers have focused on restricted dimensions of father involvement such as frequency of visitation. He undertook a meta-analysis of 54 studies on non-residential fathers and children using a broader conceptualisation of involvement. This consisted of four dimensions: • • • •

payment of child support; frequency of contact; emotional bonding; and authoritative parenting.

Amato concluded that payment of child support is positively linked to children’s school success but that there is no statistical relationship between children who spend a great deal of time with their fathers and school success. This finding is consistent with previous research. He also found that emotional bonding between children and their fathers positively correlates with success at school (Amato, 1998). Amato (1998) also found a strong correlation between a non-residential father’s authoritative parenting style and a child’s success at school. This was identified as the best predictor of success at school. The studies showed positive relationships between father involvement and the wellbeing of their children on a number of different levels. He concluded

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that the positive influences on children resulting from father involvement are not just due to the frequency of the contact that fathers have with their children, but to what they actually do with them during the contact. At the same time, the motivation of the father to be involved and to want to be a ‘good father’ is also significant if this relationship is to be positive. Research on the impact of parent sexual orientation on children’s wellbeing is still in its infancy and there has also been debate on the validity of much of this research (Stacey & Biblarz, 2001). Again there appear to be two schools of thought. One argues that researchers in this field have an ‘ideological bias favouring gay rights that has compromised much of the research’ (Stacey & Biblarz, 2001, p. 160). The other charges that researchers have an ‘implicit hetero-normative presumption governing the terms of the discourse that healthy child development depends upon parenting by a married heterosexual couple’ (Stacey & Biblarz, 2001, p. 160). This latter is evidenced in the following comment. [A] rapidly growing and highly consistent body of empirical work has failed to identify significant differences between lesbian mothers and their heterosexual counterparts or the children raised by these groups. Researchers have been unable to establish empirically that detriment results to children from being raised by lesbian mothers. (Falk, 1994, p. 151)

Further research, including longitudinal studies is clearly needed, but as Stacey and Biblarz (2001, p. 175) argue, first, issues of hetero-normative assumptions and ideologies need to be overcome. Such research will throw further light on the significance of the father–child relationship. Perhaps a focus on what is in the best interests of the child and what a child needs in terms of support and nurturing to ensure his/her wellbeing from conception would provide a more useful framework to examine the roles of significant adults in the child’s life, whatever their gender or biological relationship with that child. What is clear from the research about father–child relationships discussed above however, is that ‘fathering’ is multidimensional, consisting of a range of behaviours which can contribute to a child’s development in positive ways.

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Father involvement Understanding the nature of father involvement begins with an examination of the diverse range of functions, which are influenced by individual and cultural factors. The following have been presented as providing a view on what constitutes ‘good fathering’ (Lamb, 2000): • A central, if not defining dimension continues to be the man’s ability as a breadwinner for the family, that is, his ability to provide economically. • A man’s ability to provide both psychological and emotional support to his current female partner is important. • There is some debate about the importance of a father providing nurturance and care to young children. • The role of moral and ethical guidance remains a core feature within many religious traditions and among some men’s groups (Farrell, 2001). These dimensions are consistent with the various views of the father identified by Pleck and Pleck (1997) discussed earlier, with any nurturing role continuing to be debated. Involvement is based on a father’s commitment to the wellbeing of his children (Bradley & Corwyn, 2000). Often, father involvement has been conceptualised as being temporal and readily observable, portrayed as the time fathers spend with their children in direct interaction (Hawkins et al., 2002). However, a father’s involvement in the parenting of children is much broader than this and is influenced by a number of dimensions including time, affective, cognitive and ethical components, together with behavioural components which include indirect involvement through support provided to the mother (Hawkins et al., 2002). A dissection of father involvement serves as a starting point. A scale developed by Roid and Cranfield (1994), identifies seven dimensions of effective fathering. These are: • • • •

commitment knowing your child consistency protecting and providing

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• love of a spouse • active listening • spiritual equipping More broadly, father involvement can be broken up into the amount of involvement, or quantity; the quality of this involvement and whether the involvement is direct or indirect (Marsiglio & Cohan, 2000; Parke, 2000; Yeung et al., 2000). Lamb (2000, p. 44) suggested that father involvement consists of three components. These are interaction, availability and responsibility. Interaction refers to the father’s direct contact with his child through care giving and shared activities. Availability is a related concept concerning the father’s potential availability for interaction, by virtue of being present or accessible to the child whether or not direct interaction is occurring. Responsibility refers to the role the father takes in ascertaining that the child is taken care of and arranging for resources to be available for the child.

It is clear from this that a father can contribute to his child’s wellbeing through accepting responsibility, even if he is not as available or able to interact as much as he might like. Such classification of father involvement could also be useful as a framework for future research in this area.

Conclusion Fathering is a highly emotional and contested concept. The range and nature of the studies referred to in this chapter emphasise the complexity of the nature of fathering, the father’s role and his influence on his children (Marsiglio & Cohan, 2000; Parke, 2000; Yeung et al., 2000). Unfortunately, there are some issues associated with research into fathering, including the intrusion of value bases, conceptualising, sampling and methodological issues that have implications for the validity and reliability of findings (Parke, 2000) and make the drawing of clear and unequivocal conclusions problematic. An additional question that needs to be asked is: ‘Whose views are being sought in the research?’ Marsiglio (1995) pointed out that much

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sociological research involving fathers has relied on mothers’ reports of fathers’ attitudes and behaviours. Increasingly, however, the importance of exploring the beliefs and perceptions of fathers directly is being reflected in research methodology. Only recently have the views of children been sought to add to our understanding of the relationship. (See chapter 3.) The need for multiple viewpoints becomes evident when, for example, fathers report providing more financial support than mothers report receiving (Marsiglio, 1995). It is not easy being a child in Australia today. Children and young people need all the support and nurturing possible to ensure their positive wellbeing and development. Continuing changes to the family, together with the evolving nature of fatherhood and motherhood, lead to ongoing negotiation and renegotiation of roles and relationships. Every man brings with him his own unique perspective on what it means to be a father and constructs, negotiates and reconstructs his role in the multiple contexts of child, partner, culture and society. Research is needed to help expand our conceptualisations of father, not perpetuate narrow definitions, and to take account of its diversity and complexity. As research in the area develops, so will our understandings of fathers and of their role in the development of their children evolve.

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