First Love

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First Love: The Angelfire Trilogy 2 by Karen Wiesner

Hard Shell Word Factory

First Love: The Angelfire Trilogy 2

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This story copyright 2000 by Karen Wiesner. All other rights are reserved. Thank you for honoring the copyright. Published by Hard Shell Word Factory. 8946 Loberg Rd. Amherst Junction, WI 54407 http://www.hardshell.com Electronic book created by Seattle Book Company. eBook ISBN: 0−7599−1981−X Cover art © 2000, Mary Z. Wolf All rights reserved.

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All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author, and have no relation whatever to anyone bearing the same name or names. These characters are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention.

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Thanks to Jan Janni of Falls Florist & Greenhouse in Black River Falls, WI, for the wonderful tour of your shop and for answering all my questions.

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• Chapter 1 • Chapter 2 • Chapter 3 • Chapter 4 • Chapter 5 • Chapter 6 • Chapter 7 • Chapter 8 • Chapter 9 • Chapter 10 • Chapter 11 • Chapter 12 • Chapter 13 • Chapter 14 • Chapter 15 • Chapter 16 • Chapter 17 First Love: The Angelfire Trilogy 2

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• Chapter 18 • Chapter 19 • Chapter 20 • Chapter 21 • Chapter 22 • Chapter 23 • Chapter 24 • Author's Note

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Chapter 1 TRUDGING up the three flights to her apartment, Darlene Foxx was caught between animal metaphors: hungry as a horse and tired as a grizzly bear come winter. Snow melted against the heat of her fingers when she removed a glove and carelessly combed through her hair. A part of her still expected to feel thick, flowing waves instead of short, silky layers. Hair . . . another thing she hadn't been able to afford. Not the salon−babied stuff she'd worn since she escaped her parents' house at eighteen. She moved down the hall to her door, one of the few on the floor with a Welcome mat in front of it. If anyone in the building held any illusions about New York before, they'd dragged their welcome mats back behind triple locked doors after a rash of robberies hit the neighborhood a month ago. Each burglary followed a pattern: Victim returned home from work to find their door wide open and their lives scrubbed clean of valuables the way a kid's face got scrubbed clean of dirt by a fastidious mother. Darlene wasn't worried. She'd been extravagant with money from the day she started making her own in New York City. The only humble part of her life had been her apartment, which was cheap, sparse on accommodations. But she'd always figured it was Chapter 1

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what you put in a place that made it interesting. Letting herself into her apartment now, Darlene saw a shell of what had been her home. She'd beat any thief to pawning her valuables. Desperate times call for desperate measures, she'd told herself while accepting only a small portion of what her movie−theater−screen size TV, deluxe stereo, VCR and camcorder were worth. Luxurious furniture had been replaced with functional, second−hand pieces. She pushed her door shut behind her wearily and locked both deadbolts. Eat or sleep? She dropped the mail, her gloves and knit hat on the table near the door. When she reached for the zipper of her coat, she realized she didn't even have the energy to manage that task. Without switching on the living room lights to dispel the burgeoning shadows, she walked the couple feet around her couch, eased herself onto it and curled up on her side. Her mind shut off on her long, deep sigh. Minutes or hours later, she startled awake to darkness with her heartbeat slamming against her chest. Someone was trying to get in! One deadbolt opened with a click. Scrambling to sit up, Darlene cursed herself for not pulling the chain lock. Lot of good it would have done! This guy must have a degree in lockpicking! The phone was in her bedroom; she couldn't call 911. Frantically searching for a Chapter 1

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weapon, her gaze skidded over the thin book on the coffee table in front of her. What are you going to do? Fend off a robber with "Winnie the Pooh"? Left with no other recourse, she yanked off one of her pink, fur−lined boots. Just as the last lock sprung open, she hide in back of the door. Her heart beat so hard, she could barely hear over it. All of her instincts kicked in. Protect . . . . A tall, dark shadow moved inside. Darlene raised the boot, causing her nylon coat to crinkle loudly. The figure simultaneously closed the door and dropped what looked like a duffel bag. He turned to look at her, point blank, a second before she could lunge at him with her boot. "Darlene?" Her entire body went rigid in mid−attack. She saw the keys in his hand, thought in stunned stupidity, How did a thief get the keys to my apartment?, then her mind supplied the answer. Only one other person had the keys to her apartment. "Jace? My God!" He flipped on one of the light switches, which illuminated only the far corner of the room. "You planning to take me down with that or is your apartment infested with roaches?" His gaze followed the drip of melting snow from her "weapon." Chapter 1

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Darlene could barely keep herself from laughing like a lunatic or bursting into tears at how worked up she'd been a second ago. She lowered the boot. "I thought you were a burglar. There've been some break−ins in the neighborhood." "A stiletto−heeled boot might serve as a better weapon than a wet rubber boot. None of that fur to cushion the impact." Jace rubbed his head almost unconsciously, as if reliving a memory. She didn't bother asking how he'd know what a stiletto heel to the head felt like. It was easy to imagine some dumb blond furious enough with him to get her digs in, literally. Now that she knew she wouldn't have to fight off a burglar, she stared at her intruder in forced annoyance. "What are you doing here, Jace?" He still had the keys to her apartment, apparently, although it'd been over two years this time. You're not alone anymore, she thought too quickly. Tears formed in that instant. But she couldn't allow herself the luxury of believing his presence might be permanent. She knew Jace too well. Unfortunately, she also knew herself too well. I can't take it again. Not this time. "Am I late or something?" he teased, grinning as if nothing had changed. Just friends that grin said. A friend dropping in after two years without a word, without Chapter 1

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a single promise. Remember that −− a friend, because you don't ever want to need promises from a vagabond like Jason Radcliffe again. She lowered her boot to the floor, careful not to step in the puddle it'd made. For a second, she considered avoiding his eyes. They still stood in shadows; if she didn't look at him, maybe he wouldn't see the truth. She wouldn't give away what she hadn't admitted even to herself. She'd prayed for a friend, a knight in shining armor. Someone to simply hold her hand. She'd never expected that prayer to come true, especially not with Jace on the white steed. He stared at her speculatively for a long minute. "You cut your hair," he said finally. Jace had always loved her long, thick hair, and yet he didn't sound disappointed. Maybe it didn't look as bad as she thought. Facing him, even in the shadows, she couldn't control the emotions that crowded in on her. He was such a contradiction. So cute, so dangerously sexy. Teddy bear and bad boy all rolled into one. Healer and heartbreaker. And I always end up falling in love with someone who used to be my one and only best friend −− how's that for a contradiction? "Long hair no longer suited me," she said on a shrug. Her nonchalance stuck in her throat when he stepped forward to cup her face in one large hand. Chapter 1

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"I don't know about that. You and long hair go together like long kisses and making love." His voice was soft, so intimate she somehow knew before he stepped closer that he planned to put his arms around her. All he'd need to do was hug her, and he'd know. "I missed you so much, I think you'd look good to me if you were bald." Damn you, Jace. Damn you. Darlene couldn't laugh or tease or think, not when he was bringing her closer to him, into his embrace. Not that she'd had any opportunity to hide in subterfuge, what with his unexpected arrival, but the jig was up anyway. There was no way he wouldn't notice. Instead of sinking against him the way she wanted to, she focused steadfastly on his dark eyes in order to remind her of reality. He'd betrayed her, and she'd let him. She always knew what she was getting into with Jace. The only person she could blame −− and withhold forgiveness from −− was herself. But that didn't make the situation any more logical. He glanced down between them, as if wondering about the obstacle between them. Her coat was huge, but there could be no mistaking the fact that she filled it out, flesh for fabric. As if anything else had to be beyond his comprehension −− and remained beyond her Chapter 1

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own −− he teased, "What do you got under there? A basketball?" Damn you, Jace, she thought again, this time feeling the anger she needed to keep him at a distance. How do you always manage to escape the real issue? Why are you here? Darlene leaned around him to flip on all the room lights, then stood back to let him look. "No basketball. A baby." DARLENE Foxx? The original not−me, not−ever, no−way−am−I−ever−having−kids was pregnant? Jace stood staring as Darlene moved around the sofa and slowly removed her coat. No basketball, definitely not. That full, rounded belly couldn't be mistaken for anything except a baby growing inside −− and growing rapidly. The rest of her body was exactly the same. "And no, I'm not going to give birth right this minute," she said wearily, as if she'd heard that particular exclamation one too many times to be amused. When his sister had been pregnant, she'd heard the same remark often too, especially when she only had a few weeks to go. Darlene wasn't that big yet. She still moved fairly easily, although much slower than before. Chapter 1

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Jace realized he'd accepted it for a few minutes and shook himself. Darlene pregnant still didn't make sense, even if it was real. He looked past her, and then nothing made sense. This wasn't Darlene's luxury apartment in the slums. "Did you get robbed?" he asked in shock, stepping forward at the same time she sat down heavily. "Where's your stereo? TV? The furniture? This isn't your couch." Since Darlene came to New York, everything she'd owned had been top of the line. This ragged couch with the crocheted blanket over it to hide its lack of appeal was definitely flea market stuff. "I wasn't robbed. I just got tired of navigating around everything." The exhaustion in her voice penetrated his shock. She sat with her head back, eyes closed. He let her obvious lie go by without calling her on it. It was the least he could do anyway. You got off scot−free, Jace told himself, not feeling any real victory. You're in, instead of back out there in the cold. And she let you in without screaming any of the obscenities at you that you deserve. He should have been glad. He wasn't. Chapter 1

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"So who's the lucky guy?" he asked quietly, nudging his duffel behind the sofa before moving to sit on the coffee table in front of Darlene. She glanced at him mutely for a few seconds, as if trying to read his motive. Then she shook her head. "No one you know. No one you'll ever know." That slight edge in her voice −− this was the Darlene he knew. Pretending she didn't care even when she might be devastated. "He bailed?" Jace guessed softly, unable to control the anger he felt at this unknown creep who'd not only walked away from a one−of−a−kind lady like Darlene, but from his own kid. Could've been you, he reminded himself, but it didn't make him any less protective. "The very day he found out he was going to be a father." Darlene stood, keeping her gaze averted. "Let's not talk about it." Jace nodded slowly, turning his head to watch her wearily carry her coat to the closet. Not much to talk about −− now that you're on the long list of guys who've walked out on her, he thought. He figured he had a lot to make up for. Before deciding to come back here, he'd discovered a contradictory side of himself. He wanted Darlene to welcome him back and Chapter 1

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−− had to have been kicked in the head to feel this way! but −− wanted her to scream at him for the way it'd gone down two years ago. He couldn't say when he'd realized it, but he hated Darlene's silent, smiling acceptance of anything that came her way. Even more, he hated the thought that she took everything inside of herself like swallowing barbed wire. She'd never admit when something ripped her up inside, even if that thing was supposed to set her free. A thing like love. Jace watched her, feeling his teeth clench against the emotion rising violently inside him. He'd never seen her look so guarded. Her dark eyes, her posture, even her thin arms seemed ready to fly up to shield her at a moment's notice. Damn, he'd missed her. All he wanted to do was wrap her up in his arms and make her promises . . . promises he wouldn't keep because she wouldn't demand them and she wouldn't hold him to them if she did. She looked utterly fragile in that soft, fuzzy sweater she burrowed into like a life preserver. For the first time in her life, she couldn't hide that fragility from him, no matter how guarded she remained. And maybe for the first time, Darlene Foxx needed someone. Needed someone to take care of her. He had no right to think it, but that had never stopped him before: Maybe he'd come just Chapter 1

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in the nick of time to be that someone.

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Chapter 2 JACE STARED at her, and Darlene was completely unnerved by what she saw in his winter blue eyes. Protectiveness, curiosity, confusion, and −− damn him −− love. No other man . . . Darlene chuckled to herself. No other person period got to her the way Jace did. Since the first time she saw him when she was eight years old, she knew he'd be the one. The one who could destroy her as easily as he could heal her. She'd fought the power he had over her for most of her life. But now . . . God, her whole life had seemed to happen to her at once with the conception of this baby. If she failed now, it wouldn't just affect her. She had to be mother, father, protector, provider, all the love her child would need for the first half of her life. The fear Darlene had felt from the start subsided somewhat when she'd had the ultrasound at four months' pregnant. Despite the huge margin for error, she was certain she'd have a little girl. The love she felt now overshadowed the fear most of the time. Until moments like this, that was, when she realized the strength she possessed might not be real. How many times had Jace taken one look at her and cut straight through all her bravado to the heart of her? Chapter 2

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She couldn't afford to let her guard down. Not this time. Not when he could hurt her so much worse because she knew what he was capable of. Sitting there on her coffee table, he brushed his reddish brown hair back in a familiar gesture before leaning his chin on his overlapped fists. Jace wouldn't notice the silence in the room, the tension between them. He'd note her tension, but he'd never feel uncomfortable because of it. She'd loved his ease with himself since she met him. He had confidence without flaunting it. God, she'd never felt self−comfort or self−confidence. She never would −− not like he did. Waiting for him to speak had her digging her nails into her palms. She couldn't take it if he mentioned the last time he came here. Any of that. How could she admit, even to herself, that she hadn't dealt with it? She'd pushed it aside, went on because she had to and found a solace, however temporary. "So, how long were you with him?" Her relief that he didn't say something like "So you wanna take up where we left off?" or worse "We didn't have anything to pick up again" almost made her giddy. She replied tightly "About two years." Something changed in his eyes, and Darlene heard her own words. Oh God, she'd Chapter 2

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uncharacteristically said too much without thinking. He, characteristically, saw too much in three little words. "We'd dated before . . ." Before you showed up last time, two years ago. She shook her head. "Dammit, Jace, I don't have to defend myself to you!" He stood, and she felt his movement all through her body. Heat, light, need flooded her. "No. You don't." He said it quietly, telling her she'd overreacted with her defensiveness . . . or transferred her emotions onto him. Emotions he didn't share. Anger warred with the sob filling her throat. "Why are you here, Jace?" Why now? "You've never asked me that before," he commented with a slight grin. She hadn't asked before. She'd always just let him come in, disrupt her life with feelings she couldn't control, and then let him walk back out whenever the vagabond in him got restless. She'd chalked his visits, and her acceptance of the whole thing, up to friendship. Now she knew she'd glossed it over that way so she wouldn't have to deal with reality. Story of my life, she thought wearily. Jace shed his leather jacket, and she tried not to notice the fact that he hadn't changed at all. Dark, dangerous and completely wild, he contradicted his own gentle giant nature that Chapter 2

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could always make her smile. His masculinity affected her instantly. Deeply buried aches flared to life inside her. He moved toward her like a wolf circling prey. She wasn't half as afraid of him as she was of her own weakness for him. "You look tired enough to drop, babe," he said softly, putting an arm around her. The thoughts "Don't touch me!" and "Don't ever let me go again" jumbled in her head like a toss of the dice, potent and risky as his nearness. She knew she was going to cry and couldn't do a thing to stop herself. Why now? Why did he have to come now, when she'd never been more vulnerable in her life? But then he'd always done that. Jace always seemed to show up when she was in danger of losing all confidence in herself. At the same time he broke her, he sustained her. "Don't," she insisted yet didn't fight him at all when he pulled her against his chest. She pressed her face against him, breathing in pure, hundred proof Jace. "I'm mad at you." She said it clutching handfuls of his shirt. "I can get that boot again if it'll make you feel better." She had to laugh. If she didn't, she would let loose two years of buried hell. She laughed until she couldn't stand up alone she was so shaky and weak. She laughed so hard, she was Chapter 2

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sure Jace believed she'd lost her mind. He led her over to the sofa and sat down with her −− all without letting her go. Even with the laughter gone and no longer keeping a barrier between them, she couldn't get herself to move away from him. He was so warm and solid and comforting. One arm completely surrounded her while he stroked her short hair with his other hand. Why do I have to feel like this about you, Jace? It's so unfair that you can be the one for me if I'm not the one for you. She hated her own weakness, but she accepted it for the moment. For one moment, she could dare to let herself hold onto him. His voice, soft as his caress at the back of her head, put her in a state of relaxation she hadn't felt in so long. She almost fell asleep in it. Maybe she had for a few minutes. A sharp kick from inside brought her out of it. "I have to eat. The baby's hungry." She moved away from him, rubbing her hand against her belly. Jace watched the movement with an expression of confused awe. You can't rely on him, she said to herself. Remember that. Never forget it again. "Are you staying?" she asked, unable to look at him. "Do you mind?" Chapter 2

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She minded. She didn't need any more stress than she already had. But she lied because she couldn't let him go again so soon. He was here once more, finally. At the same time the implication terrified her, the prospect of seeing the back of him getting smaller and smaller was far worse. The only way to leave would be for him to turn his back on her, something he never seemed to mind. She shrugged carelessly, as if it was all right with her. He said "Great" so softly, she was afraid to look at him. If she saw anything other than that boyish grin she'd fallen in love with as a little girl, she'd shatter into too many pieces to put herself back together. "I'd offer to cook, but you're eating for two now and I doubt Junior there'd be too pleased with Cuisine a la Jace." Darlene laughed, shaking her head. "You probably want to shower. I'll make dinner." What are you doing? she asked herself in disgust a second before he reached over, cupped her chin and then leaned forward to kiss her cheek gently. "Thanks, Darlene." The gesture left her shaking at the edge of overwhelming reality. She watched him pick up his duffel and navigate her apartment like he lived here. "Damn you, Jace," she muttered under her breath like a skipping record. Chapter 2

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JACE STOOD beneath the spray, letting hot water and memories beat down on him. He'd been on the road since 6:30 that morning. His leg muscles ached from straddling his motorcycle, his arms ached from gripping the handle bars. Stepping into this bathroom had made him ache too. He hadn't wanted to leave Darlene last time, not after he'd finally gotten her to give in to him the way she had as a kid back in Syracuse. Even now, he wasn't sure why −− how −− he got himself to walk out on her. He was back now, and he'd stick around to help Darlene in whatever way she needed it. No way did he believe she'd "gotten tired" of all her possessions. Darlene Foxx was by no means greedy or covetous, but she liked having nice stuff. She'd sold the expensive things to get money for the baby. On that, he'd stake his life. Her job as a floral designer paid well −− for a single person. A baby had to be one expensive little bundle. Like it or not −− and she definitely wouldn't like it, he knew Darlene that well −− she needed help financially. He'd help just until she had her baby, which meant finding the proper sugar−coating to get her to accept anything from him. Stemming the waterflow, he pushed open the frosted glass door and reached for a towel. Chapter 2

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He smiled at the dusty rose towel trimmed in lace. All her towels matched, of course. She'd come from a mismatched family who never had anything nice. So she overcompensated. At least she had for the last eighteen years. He still remembered the first time he visited Darlene after she left Syracuse. His sweet, self−conscious, down−to−earth Darlene had become the original glamour child. She had the clothes, the hair, the make−up, the great apartment. Jace had kind of missed the no−frills, natural blush and sparkle of the girl who'd looked up at him with such love in the backseat of his old man's car. She'd tried too hard to leave that girl behind to take that as a compliment. Insulting her would have been the least of his sins against her though. You're damn lucky she didn't clobber you with that boot and tell you to take the fast track to hell, he reminded his reflection. Not that he could imagine Darlene doing either. She'd done what he expected her to. She didn't welcome him with open arms any more than she'd admit the truth −− she really didn't want him here because of what happened between them last time. They'd simply been friends too long for her to throw it all away. Or something. Hell, he didn't know why she'd ever let him in in all these years. As he dried off then got dressed, he noted the little changes even in the bathroom. She no Chapter 2

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longer used the salon shampoos and conditioners, the designer soaps or colognes. He'd miss those scents on her, but he still wondered what it'd be like to cuddle up next to baby shampoo and plain old soap. If she'd ever let him that close again. He had one thing on his side, he thought as he left the bathroom. No matter how hard she tried to keep her distance, in the past he'd always managed to get under her skin. He'd do it again too, no matter what it took.

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Chapter 3 AS DARLENE placed hot crescent rolls in a cloth−lined bread basket, she actually found herself humming. It surely made her a sucker for heartbreak, but she was glad to have company. Maybe even glad that company was Jason Radcliffe. Despite everything, he remained her oldest acquaintance. For tonight, she could put aside the past and remember only the friendship they once shared. Sure she could. "Something smells good," she heard Jace say behind her, just before he put his arms around her expanded waist. Instead of reacting in surprise, she said softly "Jace, don't." "Don't what?" Don't remind me how good you always feel pressed against me. Don't remind me I'm not sexy enough −− if I ever was. "I'm too big." "I can get my arms around you just fine. You'll never get big enough to change that." "Don't bet on it." He smelled like her shampoo and soap. Everything had changed, yet it reminded her of the morning after she'd given in to Jace's seduction last time he'd been in the city. Somehow she'd gotten the courage to walk into the bathroom and into the shower with him Chapter 3

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. . . and, God, he'd more than welcomed her. With her body suffering from internal flames of too−tangible memories, Darlene eased out of his arms. "Will you put these on the table?" She shoved the rolls at him without meeting his gaze. "You're blushing." She knew that. She'd hoped he wouldn't notice. At the very least, she'd hoped he wouldn't comment. "It's hot in here. I get hot easily lately." He grinned when she risked a peek at him. "What?" He shook his head, placing the basket in the middle of the set table. "Nothing. I think you're adorable. You look good pregnant. Just as good as you did when you weren't." Jace had a built−in honesty that was soul−deep. Imagining that he'd lie just to pacify her was impossible. She just didn't know what to make of him sometimes because no matter how honest he was he led a double life. When they sat down to eat the turkey and wild rice cream soup she'd made, she asked, as casually as she could, "So what have you been up to?" She already knew the answer to that. Chapter 3

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She just wanted to know his plans now. He shrugged predictably. "Not much. I thought I'd stick around here a little while. I always get better jobs in New York City." Jace got good jobs wherever he went. His resume was long and varied. But he never needed to use a paper version. No one could charm a five−figure−a−year job out of thin air like Jason Radcliffe could. "Do you mind if I stay? I'll help out in whatever way I can." What could she say? Darlene took a drink from her glass of milk, feeling little flutters in her belly. She'd never refused Jace before. Truth told, he was nothing like the other guys she'd been with. He didn't sponge off her in any way. His long−term visits were just the opposite. For the two months or so he stuck around, she found herself with more money than usual. Come tomorrow afternoon, Jace would be legally employed. But her misgivings had nothing to do with money or the lack of it. If he stayed, she didn't know how she'd keep herself from coming to need him. From falling in love with him, the way she did every single time he'd dropped by in eighteen years' time. Out of all Chapter 3

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those visits, the only time she'd become his lover again was the last time. God, yes, making love with him deepened the love she felt, but even without the relationship she had to worry. She couldn't need him or love him or even count on him. Because no matter how close they got, he'd leave. Darlene never wanted to let her emotions become so entangled she no longer knew how to function by herself. She had to think of her baby. Jace reached across the table for her hand just when she started to tell him he could spend the night −− only one night −− on her sofa, but then he had to go. "I know last time things got messy. I didn't expect −−" He shook his head, and Darlene swallowed her fear. She wanted to hear his side of it. And she desperately didn't want to. "I don't know what happened, but I know I missed you. I don't care if I lose every friend I ever had, but I can't lose you. You're the only one who matters to me, Darlene. Let me stay. Let me make it up to you." She cried at the drop of a hat these days. How she held back this time, she'd never know. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to trust him. She wanted him to stay, foolish as it would be. Chapter 3

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She couldn't say anything. Not yes. Not no. Her inability to refuse was all the agreement he needed, of course. He would stay. She would do her darnedest to distance herself. The only question left was who would break first. JACE SENT Darlene into the living room while he cleaned up after dinner. Although he knew she rarely used the dishwasher, tonight he wanted to spend time with her. Besides, she needed to get off her feet. Never in his life had he seen her look so exhausted. Darlene was normally set at high rev. Even after getting up early and putting in a long day at work, she'd always been full of energy. As for sleep, she woke at a pin drop. "So you still working those long hours?" he asked when he came out of the kitchen with the dishwasher clunking behind him. She'd curled up on one end of the sofa with her mail. "Sometimes. Depends on what's going on. What kind of orders we have or if it's a holiday. Thank God Christmas is long gone. But then there's Valentine's Day and that's even bigger." Most people would think her job as a floral designer was easy or glamorous, but she worked hard and long. The glamour faded when, come 2:30 in the morning, she labored Chapter 3

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from pure instinct on dozens of funeral arrangements that needed to go out in a couple hours. "Doesn't Cherish cut you any slack for being pregnant?" Her boss had never struck him as a slave driver. Darlene shrugged, looking down when she said, "I need all the extra money I can get, even if it means working a lot." Maybe she didn't lie, but she definitely left something out. He could tell just looking in her eyes. Darlene had cat−narrow eyes, with the thickest fringe of dark lashes he'd ever seen. Mysterious as her eyes appeared, they were truly the windows to her soul. If she held his gaze, she was an easy read. She almost never did though, unless he forced her to. She didn't like that either. Why would she hide something from him? He didn't like it. Yeah, the last time they'd been together, things got out of hand. He'd told himself they could still be friends. He sat on the coffee table facing her. "You got more to take care of than yourself now." Her full lower lip curled defensively. "I take care of myself. I take good care of myself. My doctor says the baby and I are in perfect health. I'm doing everything the way I'm supposed to." Chapter 3

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Did it make him a pervert? She was talking about prenatal stuff, sitting there pregnant as could be, and he wanted to kiss her senseless. Kiss her until she was forced to remember every detail of the last time they'd been together. Jace shook his head. Physically, Darlene had changed radically. He was beginning to think the emotional changes were just as profound. But he hadn't changed one iota, especially when it came to Darlene Foxx. No other woman confused him like she did. "You never wanted kids of your own. Not that I blame you." If he'd grown up in the house she had, he would have been as adamant as she'd always been on the subject of reproduction. "I'm not going to be like my parents. My baby will love me as much as I love her." She hugged the rounded curve of her belly. While maternal feelings might not be instinctive, she obviously loved the child growing inside her. "And I'd never get an abortion. Not like Todd wanted me to." Anger hardened her expression. "Todd?" Todd and Darlene −− the names didn't fit. But −− even if it made him a jerk −− Jace had a hard time imagining Darlene with any man. Any man but him. "Todd Roziminski." Chapter 3

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Glancing at him, she clenched her teeth crookedly, as if deciding whether to continue. Did he want to hear the whole story? Jace wasn't sure. Every time he showed up on Darlene's doorstep, as luck would have it, she didn't have a boyfriend. He'd never had to battle his own possessiveness in the face of seeing her belong to another man. Now she'd obviously belonged to somebody else. And that somebody had treated her bad, just like all the other jerks before. "I was an idiot. I can't believe now how stupid I was about him. I think I wanted it to be real . . ." She shook her head in self−disgust. "So I made myself believe it was." She'd said earlier that she got involved with Todd almost two years ago −− which was almost the last time Jace left. How soon after he'd gone did she start seeing Todd? The real question was, did getting involved with someone else have anything to do with him? Was that why she wanted something "real"? Jace's own hypocrisy astonished him. Leaving her then hurt her, but it hurt him to wonder if any of what happened between them meant anything to her. She wasn't the type of woman to indulge in recreational sex −− and they'd never had recreational sex. When they made love, it came straight from the soul. Pure love. So why hadn't she asked him to stay? Chapter 3

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She'd stood there with that little, tight smile to hold back whatever she felt, nodded, and let him go without a word. Anger got him out of town then. Almost every woman he'd ever been with asked him to stay at one point or another. He'd never wanted to stay with any woman except Darlene. She was the one who refused to ask, God knew why. But he'd realized he shared the responsibility. The blame wasn't all hers since he could just as easily have asked to stay. She had her reasons for not asking. He had his for not taking the initiative. "He didn't have a job when I met him. He claimed he'd had some injury recently and was on workman's comp," Darlene went on without looking at him. She neatly lined up the envelopes in her hands. "He had every excuse in the book for not looking for a job or for not sticking with one. He moved in here because he didn't have any money. I thought it was because he loved me." Jace clenched his teeth. "Did you love him?" She shrugged. "Sometimes. I mean, it wasn't all bad. He had good traits. Draining my savings dry wasn't one of them, but . . . We had a lot in common. He was nice to me. He never hit me or told me I was worthless or yelled at me . . ." Chapter 3

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Bright color flooded into her cheeks at her teenage lament. Her father had never been nice to her. He'd hit her, called her worthless and yelled at her 99.9% of the time. She'd dated a lot of jerks like him too, Jace knew second−hand. "I'm not still hung up on my childhood. I mean, yeah, I hate my old man's guts and if I ever see him again it'll be too soon, but . . ." She looked at him, her eyes shiny. "It's scary because you never know what's going to happen. I'd rather die than be like either of my parents, but I see it in myself sometimes. I'm like my mom when I try not to face things. I'm like him when I'm merciless on myself. And then it's like . . . maybe it'd be better to have an abortion instead of taking the risk that I could be as awful a parent as they are." Something fierce and protective and almost jealous rose in Jace's chest at her words. She swiped her hands beneath her eyes, combating any tears before they could fall. "God, why am I telling you all this?" Never mind that she'd stated the question without malice. Jace felt it like a blow. "We're friends, that's why." She took a long, deep breath, all the while facing him reluctantly. Then she shook her head. "We're not friends, Jace. Not after . . ." She obviously couldn't get herself to define Chapter 3

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after what. "That's why I can't understand why you're here. Why you'd even think to come back. Especially after so long." Okay, he'd been an idiot to convince himself she'd forgive and forget so easily. That she'd go on with their relationship like nothing happened. "You know why I'm here." "No I don't," she said positively. Funny, he thought she'd at least know that much about his feelings for her, if nothing else. "I can't stay away from you, Darlene. You're my lifeline. I could never forget you." For a forever−second, she simply stared at him. Then an uncontrollable laugh escaped her. She didn't try to explain it. "I don't know what you think, Jace, but last time wasn't like all the other times for me. I'm not the safety net you can fall back on anytime you're bored with all your Rori Masons." Maybe he was dense. Instead of providing a clue to what went on in her mind, she puzzled him with more with her words. "You're not a safety net for me. And what does Rori have to do with anything?" Rori had been a friend to both of them when they were growing up. They'd seen each other a couple times since leaving Syracuse. So why did Darlene throw Rori's name out like she'd come between them? Rori could have been in Timbuktu last time for all he knew. Chapter 3

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Darlene was more than a little upset. Her expression raged red hot with a storm of emotion. "Forget it. I don't want to talk about this. I'm −− Ooh!" Pain crossed her face as she grabbed her belly. Jace forgot everything for the moment. "You're not . . . Do we need to −−?" "I'm not in labor," she said breathlessly, between her teeth. "It's just a cramp. Braxton−Hicks. I've had a couple of them before. They're normal. I'll be okay in a minute." In a cold sweat, Jace watched her. He was not ready for labor, even if she was. He didn't know the first thing about it . . . but he'd find out for Darlene. Whether she wanted him to be or not, he'd be here for her when the time came. "Now what's happening?" he asked because the cramp had clearly faded. She still hadn't removed her hand from her stomach. "She's moving. There's her foot. Or her knee . . ." Jace sat forward as if it would give him a better view. "Are you serious? You can really −−?" She took his hand without warning and pressed it to the top of her belly. Beneath his hand, he felt something. Something definitely poked up against his palm, sliding along it. Chapter 3

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Impossible. "Sometimes if I lift my shirt, I can actually see her moving beneath the skin." The little leg or arm crossed his palm again. Jace swallowed the lump in his throat. A baby, right there, almost touching him . . . . "She's really in there, isn't she? She really wants to get out!" Darlene laughed softly. Her face glowed. She was deeply affected by the life stirring inside her. Who could blame her? He couldn't even imagine what it was like to have a baby moving around inside, yet just this glimpse made him feel . . . warm and happy. "Stevie−Jade." "Huh?" "That's her name." She didn't mention it, but Jace had the feeling no one else knew she'd already named her baby. Not too many people would believe you could bond with someone you'd never seen. Bond so much that "it" or even "she" wasn't intimate enough. "She already loves you, Darlene. You could never be like your parents because of that. Stevie−Jade's already got the best parent she could ever ask for." He believed that. Yeah, she'd had a rotten childhood. One that gave her every reason to Chapter 3

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emphatically decide she'd never want children of her own. None of that mattered anymore. Jace picked up her hand and brought it to his mouth. I'm gonna make it up to you, babe, he promised her silently and fiercely in a glance as he kissed her palm. Somehow I'm gonna get your trust back.

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Chapter 4 HOW DID he always do it? One minute she was one hundred percent sure she should cut her losses and tell him not to come back anymore. The next minute she loved him more than ever before, and −− come hell or high water −− she'd accept his presence in her life any way she could get it. Darlene's pregnancy had been a series of single witness miracles. There was no one to share them with. Her co−workers were just that. Her boss, Cherish, was a thirty−eight−year−old, single woman whose only baby and love was the flower shop. Darlene could never share her special pregnancy moments with her. Her old friends . . . She'd avoided them for a number of reasons since she found out she was pregnant: they were Todd's friends too; none of them had children or would understand what she was going through. Their lives were lived from one party to the next −− which, in some ways, was how she herself had lived her life before Stevie−Jade. The only difference had been that she'd held the same job for longer than a year. Why did it have to be Jace? Why did he have to look as affected as she was by her baby's movements? God, so stupid to not want it to be Jace and yet to know it couldn't be anyone Chapter 4

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else. Sliding her hands out of his, she murmured "I'm really tired. I'm going to go to bed." A blush chased memories of what that final sentence had meant for them last time he was here. She hadn't made love that much, with that depth, since she was a teenager and so much in love with Jace nothing else mattered except him. Spending her life with him. Jace had never wanted the same things she did. She'd thought she learned her lesson at sixteen. His eyes −− sexy, intelligent eyes with brows knitted together (something she'd always found made him impossibly more sexy) −− saw too much. One furtive glance told her he knew exactly what she thought. God, oh God. She'd fought his sensual pull, and her own to him, before and often. But the battle always left her on−her−knees exhausted, empty and incredibly fragile. A lot of her worst mistakes came after winning those battles. Somehow she always chose losing her pride over losing her heart. That was so much easier to live with. "The couch is comfortable," Darlene forced herself to say, just in case it wasn't clear. And the way she felt could easily cloud the issue of where he slept tonight. "I've fallen asleep on it many times." Chapter 4

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He didn't say anything, just combed his silky hair back in a gesture she recognized as frustration. She'd been abrupt, getting up and shattering the connection they'd shared over her little miracle. Looking at him right now hurt too much. Jace was capable of tenderness and sensitivity unlike any other man she'd ever known. Allowing herself to think of that would be a big mistake. He could hurt her easily. Inadvertently, he could hurt her baby too, if he stayed long enough to mean something to Stevie−Jade after she was born. Darlene couldn't let it go that far. "I'll get some pillows and stuff," she said awkwardly. She left the room feeling his gaze follow her. As a teenager, she'd convinced herself she knew Jace heart and soul. Even now she had moments where she still believed that. But, just like then, he would do something that told her she knew nothing, that she had to be all wrong about him. No one could love you senseless, give you every part of them and then cheat on you or leave you or act like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. She brought a stack of sheets, pillows and a blanket into the living room and quickly made up the sofa bed. He stood watching her, looking like a lost little boy. Despite herself, Darlene softened toward him again. Chapter 4

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"Look, if you're really uncomfortable with me here . . ." He moved over to her while she tossed the pillows on the makeshift bed. "I'll go and I won't come back. If that's what you want." She had to face him. The grooves around his firm mouth were set in grim lines. When he smiled, he could take her breath away. If he left, she'd never see him smile again. Emotion crowded into her throat until she couldn't swallow. "I never meant to hurt you, babe. Never you," he said in a soft, guttural voice. He caressed her cheek and she did swallow, so hard she heard it loud and clear in the tense silence. The instinct to escape had fled her. Even when she knew for a fact he'd kiss her, even though she had time to avoid it, she stood still. His mouth touched hers, softly, sweetly. Everything she knew, everything she loved, everything she wanted. Wrong, yet it felt too right for her to do anything except respond. Soft turned to firm demand. Sweet became need, fierce need. For the first time in many, many months, she didn't feel like a mother−to−be. She felt like a woman. It scared her. She pushed him away and, without facing him, muttered "Stick around for a little while if you want" when she meant to say 'Goodnight' or 'Goodbye.' Chapter 4

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She closed her bedroom door behind her, wishing it had a lock. Her body ached pleasurably in places she'd forgotten could ache that way. As she got ready for bed, she reminded herself of all the reasons she couldn't afford to lose her heart to Jason Radcliffe again. Yet, when she got into bed and snuggled deep into her comforter, all she could remember was the day Jace first kissed her. They were fourteen. They'd been in the music room at school, listening to Cheap Trick. After lunch, they always came there to hang out and listen to tunes. Some days they were joined by Rori Mason or other friends. Darlene most loved the days they were alone. This day, out of the blue, Jace had said "You wanna go out tonight?" He'd never worded it quite that way before. Usually he said something like "Let's go to such−and−such concert tomorrow" or "Meet me at seven tonight." He'd never asked before, and she couldn't help wishing her mind wouldn't tease her with the possibility he'd asked her on a date this time. "What do you mean? Where? With Rori?" Easier to act like he meant nothing out of the ordinary. They'd stretched out on their stomachs, facing each other, on a row of plastic chairs. One Chapter 4

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chair separated them. "Forget Rori. You and me. Alone." Darlene had forgotten how to breathe for the moment after his shocking proposal. Then she'd said as casually as she could −− because he couldn't possibly mean what she wanted him to mean −−" Okay. What's the difference?" She'd glanced away. Jace was her best friend, but not a day had gone by since she met him that she hadn't wished he'd fall for her and say they'd be together forever. "The difference is . . ." Jace had said this day, dragging himself forward, over the chair between them until their faces were inches apart and Darlene's breath locked in her throat. "...when I take you home tonight, I get to kiss you if you let me." But he kissed her right there and then instead of waiting, and she'd let him. Eagerly. Finally, she could taste him, taste all those things that seemed to be so a part of Jace. Leather, spicy cologne. Even the cigarette and fragrant apricots they'd shared twenty minutes ago at the smoker's corner added to the wild musk of this man. When he'd moved backed away long enough to sit up, she followed and he dragged her over his lap and kissed her again, this time with his hands cradled around her face tenderly. His tongue played at the seam of her lips and, on a whimper, Darlene opened her mouth to Chapter 4

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his hunger. Her head spiraled like it was part of a little kid's top. Disjointed thoughts moved in and out of her consciousness. Jace, oh Jace . . . finally . . . God, yes, never stop . . . love . . . only you . . . forever. No one else had probably noticed anything different between them. They'd always been best friends, always hung around together like they were connected at the hip. Even Rori, their closest friend, probably hadn't noticed. And maybe that explained why no one expected Darlene to be devastated when she learned, a couple years later, that Jace and Rori also had "alone time." Jace had never committed himself to her and only her. He couldn't know she'd given her heart with her virginity at fifteen. Actually, she'd given her heart to him long before that. She'd worked part−time after school and weekends saving every penny she could because she knew Jace was as restless as she was to get out of Syracuse. She'd convinced herself they'd leave together. They'd talked about it countless times. It'd only been talk apparently or he'd wanted to get out, not necessarily with her. Forgiving Jace for that hadn't been easy. But she'd realized her own feelings had assumed promises he never intended to make. And she forgave him because later, after she left Syracuse on her own, she'd discovered he was right in not wanting his whole life to Chapter 4

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happen to him at sixteen. Darlene had forgiven, but never forgotten anything in the relationships she had with other guys after that. She protected herself against Jace every time he dropped into her life without warning . . . until two years ago. Somehow she'd convinced herself they could make it work the way they hadn't been able to as teenagers. They'd been older, wiser, less restless for adventure. In the semi−darkness, Darlene curved her arms protectively around her belly. She couldn't forgive Jace for last time. He'd known that was different. She didn't have to say the words. He had to know she loved him and that accounted for everything she did then. Even if he'd made no promises . . . . God, a person didn't just say "I love you" to anybody. Every kiss, every touch had told her he loved her. And then, just before he got on his motorcycle and rode out of her life, he'd said the words without the influence of passion like all the times before. Nothing could justify what he'd done. No more than anything could justify why she hadn't turned him away the instant she recognized him tonight, or told him to leave when he'd uncharacteristically offered to. Or why he touches you and you wonder what exactly it will take to get a fool like you to Chapter 4

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stop loving him. Darlene closed her eyes tight to block everything out and willed herself to sleep. HE LUSTED after a pregnant woman and couldn't come up with a single reason why he shouldn't. This woman was Darlene Foxx. When had he ever not wanted Darlene? Even when he'd told himself he'd play her game of just−friends, before long he broke all the rules. Her rules. Darlene had a set of unconscious rules she lived by because she was afraid to let herself feel anything too deeply. Jace had spent twenty−eight years of his life trying to break through to the real heart of her, the one that lived and loved freely, that bled too often because of her damn stubborn refusal to give in to that need to be free. Her parents had taught her only too well. Jace swore under his breath as her bedroom closed behind her. Well, he was here to stay. The lady may be able to close her heart off to you, he thought with no sense of victory, but she's never been able to tell you to get out and never come back. Turning, he glanced around the living room. Things had definitely changed here, in some ways for the better. Her living room was shaped like a shadow box, wide−open, especially now that she hardly had any furniture to fill it. Chapter 4

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Since the time her father, simultaneously, was laid off for a leg injury and the family of seven moved from Indiana to New York into the house Mr. Foxx had inherited along with quite a bit of money, Darlene had talked about getting rich enough to actually spend money. She left home the day she graduated from high school. Even though she was nowhere near rich, she made good money. And she'd become the exact opposite of her old man, who was so notoriously tight−fisted, his family dressed in rags and barely got three meals a day. Darlene used to have a millionaire's cache in this humble apartment. Now the fifty−inch TV was gone, the five thousand dollar stereo, the plush furniture and the expensive little knick−knacks. The furniture and the lack of fancy electronics suited the rest of the apartment's decor now. Jace walked over to the set of plastic shelves that replaced cherry wood bookshelves and entertainment center and knelt down to check out the books. Hardcover editions of the big−name authors and the dozens of romance novels had been replaced with colorful children's books and pregnancy/babycare manuals. Since TV was out, might as well read since he'd never be able to sleep at nine o'clock. Darlene was both an early riser and a night owl. They'd never gone to bed before Chapter 4

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midnight . . . until last time, but they hadn't slept then. He'd sleep when he was dead had been his motto. He'd wanted Darlene constantly, and she'd finally admitted she wanted him again too. Why sleep? Thinking about that was the last thing he needed after kissing her a few minutes ago. Once he picked out a pregnancy/first year childcare book and a couple of kids' stories, he went over to the sofa bed. The room was hot, as usual, and he undressed completely before lying down. The kids' books were cute and funny, reminding him of his niece. Jenna, Jace's sister, had died giving birth to Andrea over two years ago. She'd died about two months before he left Darlene last time. Darlene had refused to go back to Syracuse with him then for the funeral, although she'd seemed genuinely sad about his sister's death. When he got back from that funeral was when things started going bad for them. He'd started to notice more and more how she cared about him yet refused to verbalize anything. He'd known he was fooling himself into believing she'd come around. He hadn't seen his niece since the holidays. He hadn't gone home the year before, a year after he left Darlene. He loved his parents; they meant everything to him. They were nothing like Darlene's. He just didn't think he could stand them at that time. Their love. Chapter 4

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Their disappointment. Their need for answers he didn't have and wouldn't give them even if he did. When he'd gone home this past Christmas, he'd been fighting the need to come back here. Why else had he given up the bottle that slept in his arms almost every night? Once he finished reading the manual and the books, Jace got out of bed and walked over to the window overlooking the street. Cold air greeted him from windows uninsulated from the winter. Being pregnant, being a parent was a two−person job. He had no doubt Darlene could do it on her own. But it wasn't something God intended if other options existed. Fighting Darlene when she wasn't pregnant was a no−win situation, literally. Would pregnancy make her even more adamant about not letting anyone in? Or would he actually have an advantage here for once? Darlene had done quite a few things tonight she'd rarely or never done before. She'd panicked when he came in, she cried, she admitted she was mad at him for last time and she let him hold and kiss her within hours of his arrival. She'd also been three seconds from asking him to leave. Darlene almost never showed a weakness. Pregnancy brought it out in her. Chapter 4

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In other people, Jace would agree weakness might be an undesirable characteristic. In Darlene, it was the exact opposite. She needed to show a "weakness." She couldn't even really distinguish between what was weakness and what was actually strength. Love, desire, need were all signs of failing in her mind. She was deathly afraid of asking for, or accepting, any of those things from anyone. Long before he entered the picture, her parents had done a number on her, one that was now so ingrained Jace had decided last time he couldn't fight her anymore. If she didn't believe in love enough to give or take it, then he'd give her the one thing she thought she wanted: He'd left. It'd done everything short of kill him. Looking out at the snow falling to the sidewalk two stories below, he wanted a drink and a cigarette, two things he gave up over the last month because they were part of the hell he'd lived in for the past two years. What he really wanted was behind that closed bedroom door, pregnant with another man's child. It should've been mine, he thought and wanted to feel the anger he had before, the anger that wouldn't let him stay here without something from her. Something more than seeing her every emotion in her eyes while she held it back behind the strongest dam ever built by Chapter 4

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human resolve, having her pretend to sleep every time he whispered "I love you, Darlene" or hold back tears when he touched her and showed her that love. He'd needed those words, wanted her tears, wanted her to accept his feelings for her. She wouldn't give or take any of those things. Like doing them was a life or death situation, she wouldn't give him what he wanted only from her. But he wasn't angry at her. He understood her too well to say "To hell with this, with you, forever." For two years, he'd tried to get on with his life, forget her and her repression. Instead he'd drowned himself in the misery she'd brought him. He came back here once he accepted the truth −− she was truly his lifeline. He couldn't forget her, no matter how bad he wanted to escape her craziness. Jace found himself crossing the room to the hall. At her bedroom door, he stopped for a second. If he went in there and she was still awake, she could very well say what she'd wanted to before: Get out! The door opened easily. She still used two nightlights and still slept with music playing. She lay cocooned in her rose patterned comforter. She was asleep. She didn't wake the second he came in like she always did before either. A book lay on the empty side of the bed. Nursery rhymes. Chapter 4

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His heart felt like it closed into a tight fist. Darlene, having a baby. Stevie−Jade. He smiled at the memory of movement in Darlene's belly earlier. He got in bed beside her, tucking the comforter around her. He expected her to wake. He'd never seen her so sound asleep. In fact, he couldn't remember ever seeing her really sleep with him before. No matter how exhausted she'd been in the past, she'd refused to let her guard down enough to fall asleep with him. Did she do that with every guy? He didn't think much of her parents, never had. Now he could choke them both to death for what they'd started in Darlene. She'd been told she was worthless for too long, been treated like she meant nothing. She'd started to believe it herself and expected everyone else to believe it too. He didn't know how to fix any of it. God knew he'd spent most of his life trying. But what was one more try? Laying his head on the pillow close to her, he looked at her. She'd always believed she was plain, if not ugly. He didn't see that. He saw his best friend with her gentle, pretty eyes. His lover with that pouty bottom lip and the slight space he found so sexy between her front teeth. He saw the girl who'd captured his heart from the very beginning but would never keep a tight hold on it. He saw his first love. He saw the warrior. Chapter 4

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"I'm gonna win this time, babe. I'm not gonna let you go." He touched his fingers to her cheek. She was asleep too deeply to react to his whispered words or his touch. "I'm gonna take care of you, no matter what. You're not alone anymore."

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Chapter 5 DARLENE woke, just minutes before her alarm could go off, with the words "You're not alone anymore" going around in her head. After she switched off the alarm, she found that the words were the literal truth. Jace lay wrapped around her back securely. She should have been mad. This wasn't like all the other times. For one thing, she'd slept through him sneaking in the room. She'd trained herself to wake at the slightest sound or movement nearby. So how had Jace not only gotten into her room, but also into her bed without her waking? Her shock left her unable to feel anger. Turning over on her side to face him took considerable effort, yet she didn't wake Jace or even worry about it. He slept like a rock. Always had. A naked one. In the past, he'd always complained about how hot she kept her apartment. Another overcompensation from a childhood of doing without most of the necessities. He hadn't tried to take any of the covers from her, so apparently he wasn't cold. I'm not alone anymore. A million reasons why he shouldn't stay, she realized, but at this moment having him here lessened her fear. Chapter 5

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Darlene smiled. Jace was both boyish and incredibly sexy in sleep. His face, while more roguish than handsome, had so much character. Puppy dog eyes, thick eyebrows, straight nose that had, by some miracle, avoided being broken, dark fuzz around his sensual lips. She wanted to trace the grooves bracketing his mouth the way she used to, wanted to rub her cheek against his strong jaw and chin. Jace enjoyed those small touches. Most of the men she'd been with wanted to skip all the exploration and go right for the spelunking. It probably made her the slut her old man called her day in and day out as a teenager, but she liked to seduce and be seduced. And Jace had been a master of that kind of give and take. They'd spend entire days indulging in forbidden, sensual pleasures. Her gaze moved slowly over his body. He was no longer that lanky teenage boy whose muscle didn't match his height of 6'3". Now he had muscle. Not obvious muscle that came from pure vanity. He had muscle that came only from honest work. But he was still lanky, still moved like a panther. Still stretched out across her bed like his nudity was the most comfortable state in the world. God, she wanted to touch him. Her whole body wanted to move in closer and feel him respond to her the way he always had. Chapter 5

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Because she couldn't stop herself, Darlene gently touched her fingertips to his ribcage. Even that feather−light touch compelled him toward her. His muscular legs drew up toward her, his arms slipped around her and brought her as close as her heart had dared to wish a second earlier. But there was more. His manhood hardened, a slow−motion miracle that left Darlene completely without breath, without even the ability to swallow. When his mouth pressed to her ear, she managed to finally swallow so hard she was afraid he'd hear it. She was seven and a half months pregnant! How could she feel like this? Like if he didn't do something −− anything! −− she'd die of pure need. For an instant, she wondered if he forgot where he was, but then he gently caressed her swollen belly through the comfortable flannel pajamas she wore. Would he even consider making love to her in her state? She'd never been very sexy, despite how he made her feel. She was even less so now. Somehow it didn't seem to matter. She felt sexy. The way she felt right now, she could have easily straddled him and done all the "seducing." Too many memories of their past encounters crowded in on her, making it even harder to find her precious control. Chapter 5

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Making love with him in her father's pride−and−joy car, sneaking into the stock room at work to be with him for five minutes, pleasuring him in the empty balcony of the movie theater, while King Kong roared in the background, hearing him say "Let's forget the whole world. Just you and me in this bed forever. What do you say?" Sex wasn't just sex with Jace. It was everything. Simple, complex, as physical as it was spiritual. She cried every time, no matter how hard she tried not to. Sometimes she could blink the tears away, laugh and make him believe it was nothing. Simple reaction to intense physical pleasure. Sometimes she had to get away, lock herself away so he couldn't see how weak he'd left her. Darlene pulled back to glance at him. He'd gone back to sleep. Maybe his erection was just the first−of−the−morning variety. It had nothing to do with her. And you're getting all hot and bothered for nothing. She had to get up and get ready for work anyway. She had to be there when the shipment of flowers arrived at 6:30. Slipping out of bed, she went to shower. Stevie−Jade woke and started her morning acrobats in her cramped home. Darlene left her apartment after a quick breakfast, wishing she didn't feel so relieved. Chapter 5

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Jace wasn't staying for more than a week or two. Less if she could get herself to ask him to go. She couldn't count on him. She couldn't fall in love with him again. And she definitely had to stop feeling any attraction to him. She'd be alone when she had Stevie−Jade. She'd raise her daughter alone. No one would share any of the upcoming precious miracles with her. God, the prospect had never before seemed more impossible, scary . . . and lonely. JACE WOKE to an old Bad Company song on Darlene's clock/radio that made him smile. He and Darlene had been typical teenagers. Music had been an inordinately huge part of their lives then. Getting a new record and listening to it together had been an event for them. Feel Like Makin' Love had been one of their favorite songs, especially after they became lovers. Just hearing it reminded him of Darlene, of lying naked together in bed, of how she'd looked up at him, both shy and pleading and then threw caution to the wind by making the first move. She used to make love to him like it might be the last time and she wanted to give and get all she possibly could. The memory of her sweet recklessness made him ache. Not much had changed. Chapter 5

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He lay back in bed, listening to the song. Things were a hell of a lot simpler then. No weighing the odds, always believing life would give him exactly what he wanted. Things had gotten heavy sometimes back then, but Jace figured the future always worked itself out eventually. He'd believed that for a long time. When he left here last time, he finally lost that naivety. He'd accepted that he and Darlene weren't meant to be together. She'd been vulnerable when he'd gotten here last time. Some jerk Darlene had been half in love with had dumped her −− after he cheated on her −− with a cruel epitome along the lines of: "You're not much to look at. Once you get past the expensive stuff, the hair and the clothes, you're nothing special." What the bastard didn't realize, or care to, was that Darlene had always believed that about herself. She didn't see the insult for what it was −− defensive guilt. She heard the truth she already believed to be true. Jace had spent a week trying to re−build her fragile confidence. He hadn't done anything different than all the other times he'd been here. He listened, he encouraged, he made her laugh, he flirted and lavished her with praise. He'd been all hormones himself. Chapter 5

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For the first time, Darlene had let down her guard. They'd gone to a party one night, a Friday. Damn, she'd looked incredible in a pair of skin−tight black leggings, a little, low−cut purple top and an expensive suede jacket with black lace inserts. He even remembered thinking her feet looked sexy in those high−heeled, peter pan boots. In her car, at the party, every minute, he'd come on like a wild dog in heat. And she'd let him get away with a lot, something she hadn't allowed since they were teenagers. They'd become lovers once again that night. Darlene had given him almost everything she had to give for the next couple months. Almost. She gave him everything except the words, the answers for the past, the invitation to stay with her forever. Three simple words would have made him stick around. Hell, just one. "Stay" would have done it. But she'd been playing that old game again. Showing him she loved him, then hiding in the bathroom to cry her eyes out when the tension of holding back on her own emotions broke free in a torrent. He was human. He had feelings. Accepting partial as he gave everything didn't work for him. He felt used, like he'd failed to be enough for her. The bottom line came down to the fact that they both deserved more. He'd hoped Darlene would try to talk him out of leaving. Chapter 5

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Deep down, he knew she wouldn't. He could have brought it up, asked her what she wanted. His pride stung too bad to do it. After two years of battling with his pride, trying to live without her and destroying himself to do it, he'd finally swallowed that same pride. Having Darlene, any way he could get her, was all he wanted now. Maybe he could accept knowing she loved him even if she'd never confirm it. Maybe. With a knot in his belly, Jace got up and showered. The apartment was too quiet. Their teenage love of music had developed into a life−long thing, but Darlene had sold her stereo and, from what he could see, her absolutely huge collection of records, cassettes and CDs along with it. It made him feel strange to notice the silence in the place for the first time. In her kitchen, he opened the coffee cupboard and found nothing. There was a short stack of filters, but no coffee. On a hunch, he started going through the rest of her cupboards, the pantry, the refrigerator. Almost everything was down to bare bones. What did she live on? Darlene tended to buy in bulk because she lived right across the street from a small grocery store and she hated "quick trip" shopping. The owner of the store let her roll the Chapter 5

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cart over to her apartment and bring it back once she'd unloaded her purchases. He'd have to stock her kitchen again. It was the least he could do since she mutely gave him a place to live indefinitely. He wondered if this would be the first time she asked him to leave. She'd never been able to do that before, any more than she could ask him to stay; this time . . . Things were different. One time, that first time he came around after she moved to New York City, she'd almost asked him to stay. They'd spent the weekend stripping, sanding and varnishing these very kitchen cabinets. He remembered how she kept looking at him and then looking away quickly before he could figure her out. He remembering thinking she'd been on the verge of asking him to stay. Her eyes had been incredibly soft, something he'd associated with their lovemaking as teenagers. When she'd started "Do you think . . . ?" he'd never forget the paralyzed longing that went all through him. But she'd said " . . . we should open the windows to air it out in here?" She wouldn't look at him then, even after he'd replied stiffly. Jace pulled on his shoes and jacket and ran across the street to get coffee and a newspaper. The owner recognized him, and Jace couldn't help feeling an unfamiliar sense of shame. He had good reason for running out on Darlene every time he went, but no one Chapter 5

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else had the benefit of knowing that reason. The owner of this store didn't need to wonder about the nature of their relationship since Jace and Darlene had stumbled in here at least once last time and cleared out the stock of condoms. Over coffee at the kitchen table, Jace found a couple job prospects in the paper. His last job had left him well off, so he could give himself a couple weeks to get something if he wanted to. He didn't. He didn't want to wait. Darlene needed help now. She needed a friend she could count on, one who wouldn't sponge off her like her last creep did. Jace decided he would stick around, even if she asked him to leave, even if his pride took another beating. Maybe that approach would be the one that worked. When the couple jobs he found failed to arouse enthusiasm in him, he started reading other sections of the paper. Babycare mogul Robert J. Bandoleer, Sr. died yesterday morning of a stroke. Bandoleer was the founder and president of Bandoleer Babies, a leading manufacturer of quality babycare products and furniture. Bandoleer precedes his wife, Anna Kathryn Bandoleer, 63, and a son, Robert Holland Bandoleer, Jr., 34 . . . . Chapter 5

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Jace stared at the obituary notice for a long time, trying to tell himself it'd be tacky to do what he was thinking. Wouldn't hurt to check it out, he concluded, tossing the paper on the table. He was crazy, but he couldn't help feeling like today was his lucky day.

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Chapter 6 DARLENE let out an involuntary groan as she rose from her high−backed stool. Most of the other designers had already gone home while she finished the last few arrangements that would go out in tomorrow morning's deliveries. After stretching until she at least didn't feel her back might break in two, she took the miniature carnation basket to the storage refrigerator. While tagging it with the order information, she noticed a sloppy arrangement on the same shelf. Angela's. Darlene could always tell who'd done what. Each of the designers she trained and supervised had a unique style. Angela's style was sloppy, but she was fairly new. It took at least a year to train a designer; they had to go through all the holidays, especially the bigger flower ones, like Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Christmas and Easter. Darlene had gotten her start in flowers in Syracuse. When she worked at the supermarket, she frequently "temped" in the floral department. Following high school graduation, she moved to New York and got a job with Cherished Flowers within two weeks. The owner, Cherish Stephenson, was just starting out and had based her decision of who to hire entirely on Darlene's design skills rather than whether she Chapter 6

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had education or extensive experience. The shop had taken off a few years later. Darlene worked hideously long hours to keep up with Cherish's gung−ho sales techniques. A two−woman operation became eight regular employees, not including the extras they hired on just before major flower holidays. The long hours never bothered Darlene. Her plan at the start had been to eventually open her own shop. Cherish had even spent one agonizing year trying to teach Darlene all the ropes. That year had taught Darlene a lesson. She had no interest in owning her own business. Not that she couldn't handle it, but she realized for the first few years at least she'd actually make less money with her own shop. She made good money now, and she just plain loved her job. She loved designing arrangements, doing the really creative work like display windows. She loved teaching flower design to others. Getting pregnant had changed a lot. The long hours became harder every day, but she needed the overtime. Her salary was plenty for supporting herself. Supporting herself and a baby now that she had no savings . . . being at work during the week reminded her the time approached quickly and she still had no idea how she'd work things out once her baby arrived. Cherish was generously giving her three months' paid maternity leave, but what then? Darlene couldn't afford daycare and really didn't want to go that route. She suspected, Chapter 6

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but hadn't yet gotten the nerve to bring it up with her boss, that Cherish would allow her to bring the baby here, in the back work room, for awhile. It just wasn't a permanent solution. Darlene had to work and she had to take care of her baby herself. There didn't seem to be a way to do both. With her purse strap crossways over her shoulder, she put on her jacket on over it then went out to the sales area. Cherish was at the cash register with a bank deposit bag. She glanced up with a smile at the sound of Darlene's footsteps. Darlene had never understood her employer's cheery position. After a long day of work, Darlene was tired, disheveled and ready to zonk out in front of the TV or with a book at home. At the end of the day, Cherish was just as cheerful, just as energetic and just as perfectly coifed as she'd been in the morning. Cherish had the kind of natural beauty that make−up, great hair and clothes only enhanced rather than created what may or may not have been there in the first place. Despite her silky blond hair, beautiful face and perfect figure, Cherish seemed to have no need of beauty. Her business appeared to be her only interest. In the early days, when Cherish was her first and only friend in New York, Darlene and her boss had gotten Chapter 6

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together after work. They'd talked about business every time. Sometimes −− rarely −− when the subject came up, they discussed Darlene's life; her goals in terms of long−term career, the men in her life. Cherish hadn't said it in so many words, but Darlene had sensed her disapproval of any man in her life. She'd disliked Todd from the very first time he came into the shop. It was true that a man without "an interest in career" probably only had interests in laziness. Cherish doubtless had visions of Todd lazing around Darlene's apartment in his underwear, in front of the blaring TV, with garbage strewn around him. Todd hadn't been like that. He'd cooked and cleaned when he didn't work, and he rarely stayed home. Although he claimed to be out looking for work, she knew he spent most of his time with his −− their −− friends, working on cars, helping them move or build or do things. "I cannot believe we got the Kira Gunn account. Especially since I believe we bid higher than any of the other florists in town." "Yeah. It's great," Darlene said, injecting forced enthusiasm into her voice. "Your designs for their company Christmas party did it, you know." Darlene smiled, feeling a tug of both pride and worry. Those exuberant floral designs Chapter 6

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had been some of her best and most original work. She fretted though. An account of this size would be a lot for Cherish to handle, with all their other business. Especially when Darlene took her maternity leave. Another full−time employee, one with the most training and experience, would have to fill in for Darlene. None of the current employees were supervisor material. But then Darlene was a stickler for details and a perfectionist to the nth degree. She felt a responsibility to give all customers top quality flowers and designs. Some of the workers simply wanted to get the jobs done. "Well, 'night," Darlene said. She zipped her coat, mentally preparing herself for the twenty minute walk from the flower shop, across Central Park, to her apartment on the Upper West Side. Her three hundred dollar a month car payment, along with her space in the parking garage a block from her building, had been the first luxuries to go. Just as she put on her hat and gloves, the chime over the door sounded. The Closed sign was out, but apparently the customer didn't see or care. Jace came through the display tables by way of the terrazzo "sidewalk" forking toward the right with the oversized display refrigerator and toward the counter on the left. Darlene was both surprised and unsurprised to see him. How did he know she'd sold her car? But she suspected he found out and so came to pick her up. He'd probably bribed the Chapter 6

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parking guard at the garage into telling him if her space had been sold. She didn't want to be glad to see him, but she was. She'd spent the day with her mind always half on him. It hadn't helped when she heard "their" song just after she got to work, while running that morning's flower delivery under hot water. "What are you doing here?" she asked, trying for a neutral tone that neither scolded nor welcomed. "I came to pick you up. Vince says you sold your car." Darlene couldn't help smiling. "You forgot one thing. I'm seven and a half months pregnant. I long since gave up motorcycles." With a grin, Jace shook his head. "I got a truck." "You sold your motorcycle?" She didn't get a chance to figuratively fall down dead with shock about that. Jace and her brother, Brett, didn't feel whole without their "hogs." Jace surprised her with the announcement "I got a job at Bandoleers." Cherish's voice behind them drew Darlene's gaze unwillingly. "Jason Radcliffe. So you're back." Cherish spoke in a tone just shy of friendly. While she probably disapproved of Jace just Chapter 6

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as a matter of course, she'd been charmed by him the first time she met him. She didn't need to giggle or fawn or even be friendly for Darlene to know she couldn't help liking Jace. Darlene didn't know a single person who disliked the man. While he did his not−flirting−but−definitely−winning−and−influencing thing for Cherish, Darlene tried to piece together what he'd said. Of course she knew he got jobs with amazing speed in the past. Charm and genius−level intelligence had employers soliciting him left and right. He'd never gone to college. Why take a four month course when he could digest a couple textbooks within two days' time and come out having learned just as much? In high school, he'd read textbooks cover to cover, never did homework, aced every test. His teachers had grown used to his genius foibles early on and allowed his habits. He'd insisted he didn't want to skip grades, although he'd been urged to more than once. Darlene had worked her butt off to get Cs and an occasional B. "Well, I hope you plan to stick around this time. Our Darlene needs all the friends she can get now," Cherish was saying. Darlene didn't hear Jace's reply. He turned toward her. "You ready?" It didn't matter what Jace said. He'd gotten a job, he might plan to stick around, but he Chapter 6

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wouldn't. He could be here for weeks or months, and without warning announce he was going. It happened that way every time. Never again would she convince herself any different. "Bandoleers? As in Bandoleer Babies?" she asked as they left the shop. "They have a waiting list a mile long to get in on the factory level. How did you get a job there?" She only knew about Bandoleers because she'd gone there after she got pregnant and read their employment policy. She'd been thinking of getting a very part−time job that might provide her with a discount on baby stuff. Now she saw their cute caricature babies with bottles or rattle bandoleers everywhere. She'd heard of some people trying to get factory jobs there and saying they'd have a shorter wait if they needed a heart transplant. "Not in the factory. I got a job at corporate." He glanced at her just before reaching what had to be a brand new, double−parked pickup truck. "They gave you a truck?" "Well, yeah. I'm gonna be running around the city between corporate and the factory. Can't expect me to walk." He had something to tell −− something big. Jace helped her in the truck, then got in the Chapter 6

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driver's side. "All right, spill it. How did you get a job and a brand new truck?" she demanded. His laugh revealed some surprise, as if he'd re−played the beginning of his story in his mind and couldn't believe how it'd gone down. "Actually, I was reading the obituaries −−" "You mean job listings?" she interrupted. He pulled out onto the street, glancing at her. "No. There were only a couple jobs that sounded okay. I didn't want okay. You find apartments from the obits in this city. Why not jobs?" Darlene nodded uncertainly. "So I noticed Robert Bandoleer, the head of Bandoleer Babies, died yesterday morning. I figured 'Why not?'" "You're president of the company?" Despite the shock in her voice, Darlene wouldn't have been unduly surprised if he had landed that position. "Not exactly. His son by default got that. Holland is an artist −−" "Holland?" "He doesn't know the first thing about babies or manufacturing or companies. He got a dozen resumes yesterday, all from college students. Plenty of know−what, no know−how. Chapter 6

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The board of directors will run the company. They need somebody experienced to do the hands−on stuff. I don't have a title yet officially −−" "You have experience doing this?" It didn't really matter if he did or not; Jace learned fast. "I spent the last two years as regional manager of a big−name fashion company. Clothes. Cosmetics. Jewelry. This'll pretty much be the same." Darlene shook her head in amazement. If anyone else went in looking for a job a day after the company president's death, it would have been tacky. She didn't doubt for a second that Jace had charmed old Holland and made him believe wholly that he'd take care of everything. Wizard Radcliffe was on the case. "So this is a temporary position?" Jace shook his head, glancing at her. "Nope. This isn't the kind of job you do for three, four months then take off. Not without destroying your chance of ever getting anything like it again." A silence that stretched from seconds into endless minutes followed his announcement. Was he actually planning to stick around? Darlene found herself wondering how he would just pick up and leave. He'd made it practically impossible not to put down roots. Chapter 6

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God, where did that leave her? She didn't want to believe he'd stay. And she didn't want to think about why she couldn't allow herself to believe he might either.

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Chapter 7 "MY APARTMENT is the other way," Darlene said, not panicked but definitely wary. "I know. We're celebrating tonight. I've got reservations at The French Palace." Instead of looking pleased and awed, the way she used to when he took her there, she looked downright uncomfortable and not sure what to say. Finally, she murmured "I'm not exactly dressed for the occasion." She glanced at him and noticed, obviously for the first time, that he was "dressed for the occasion" in black trousers, white shirt and a jacket. He planned to button up and put on the tie once they were in the restaurant. He'd accomplished quite a bit after getting the job of the century that morning. "You look fine." "I look pregnant." Jace chuckled, glancing at her as she locked and unlocked her fingers. "Oh yeah. Forgot they had that rule: No pregnant women allowed." When she turned toward the passenger window, he wondered why she was so palpably upset about the prospect of eating out. Was it the money? The place? They did have Chapter 7

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memories at the restaurant. Or was it something else he couldn't fathom? Was she embarrassed to be pregnant in public? She saw people at the flower shop. She hadn't gone into hiding for the last seven months. She couldn't have. She wasn't dressed to the hilt, the way she'd been the couple times they came here in the past, but he knew the host would take one look at her and waive any strict code they might have. Darlene was too darn cute not to be endeared by her little round tummy full of baby. Before they went in, she put her regular shoes back on instead of the boots. Not that it did anything to make her any less nervous. The flush of mortification in her cheeks made him wish he hadn't decided to go through with this. He'd assumed she'd enjoy a night out. Once they were seated at their usual table, he brought up a subject that would relax her. "So how's Doobs and everybody?" The core members of their group of friends were Jamie "Doobs" or "Dr. Feelgood" Dubois, Mikey Lund, Roxanne Hart and Diane Hoffman. Darlene had introduced him to them the first time he came to visit her in New York City and he'd immediately liked them, especially Doobs. Darlene's eyes widened slightly, and then she glanced down to pick up her water glass. "Everybody's fine." Oddly, her hand shook. Chapter 7

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"We should go see 'em this weekend." The waiter came, and Darlene's relief was so tangible she looked on the verge of laughing out hysterical musical notes. Once they'd ordered, she immediately asked him details about his new job. Strange to think it, given the glamour queen Darlene had become since she left home at eighteen, but she no longer fit into this world. Maybe she never really had. In some ways, he'd always preferred the old Darlene. The one who didn't use make−up like she was trying to create someone else, someone who needed only a box of chicken wings, couple beers and a football game to have a good time. He never minded the exclusive nightclubs, fancy restaurants and blow−out parties that Darlene and their friends dragged him to. It'd been fun back then. Ever since he left his parents' house after the holidays, sure long before he got on his hog that he was coming straight to Darlene, he'd been thinking of things like a home and roots and . . . small circles. He didn't need a stadium−size crowd of friends like he used to. He needed a family and close friends, nothing more. Darlene barely spoke on the rode home, other than to thank him for the meal. As she hung her coat in the closet, she noticed the stack of empty, folded grocery bags on the top Chapter 7

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shelf and started to ask him where they'd come from. He'd helped out with bills in the past when she let him stay, so he didn't understand the glare she sent his way before marching into the kitchen. He heard cupboards clanging, doors banging and then she stood in the kitchen doorway. "What have you been doing all these years, Jace?" she demanded, throwing him completely with the question. He didn't want to tell her that. The insanity of those years in hell still hovered too close. He hadn't come here to hurt her; he promised himself that. "What does that have to do with anything?" She threw up her hands. "How can you not have changed at all? How is it possible for a person not to change at all their entire life? You come back here as if nothing's happened. Like it's been a day since you walked out −−" Jace couldn't help his defensive snort. He struggled to hold back the anger that crawled into his veins like fire. "I haven't changed? You haven't changed, Darlene. You're still the same girl who said, "It's not like we were pledging lifetime vows, right?" even if it wasn't at all what you were thinking at the time." Her flush gave her completely away. That day she broke up with him at sixteen remained as fresh in her mind as it did in his. Chapter 7

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She stepped out of the doorway into the living room shaking her head. "I have changed. You're wrong. My whole life has changed because of this pregnancy. My body, my emotions, my nee −−" Needs. She'd actually been about to say needs. Darlene Foxx admitting she had needs? It wouldn't happen. And yet she totally shocked him by continuing "I need things, Jace. I'm not a kid anymore. I can't −− This baby needs so much and I want to give her everything. I just can't do things without thinking about them anymore. I can't watch you come in here like it's yesterday . . . like it's okay to . . . stuff my cupboards and get this job that −−" Whatever she thought in her head was too much for her to articulate. She held her head, shaking it at the same time, as if afraid it'd fly off. She didn't need this stress. Much as he wanted to hear what was in her mind, she was pregnant and she needed to relax. Moving over to her, he said "Come on." "Jace −−" He led her to the sofa. "Just sit down." She sighed in frustration, doing it for Stevie−Jade, he knew. Jace carefully took off her Chapter 7

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shoes. "What are you doing?" she demanded. The lady would fight him with her dying breath. "Just shut up and let me," he said without malice, watching her expression closely. He rubbed her left foot in concentrated, deep strokes. She almost closed her eyes and moaned. He read that easily. But then she asked softly, "When do you start work?" "Monday." His succinct tone told her to shut up again, and she did this time. She also closed her eyes and let him work on her feet. "I have a chair at work, but . . . I never used to mind standing. Now . . ." She sighed, and he wanted to kiss her. My sweet, silly Darlene, forbidden to feel without having to pay for it in the morning out of your own conscience. If she was actually going to allow it, he'd give her the best massage she'd ever had. When he worked his way up to her calves, she sank into the couch like melting butter. Once at her thighs, she moaned breathlessly. Jace almost forgot why he did this because he'd left relaxed way behind. He felt seriously uptight. Chapter 7

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This was exactly the way it started the very first time they made love. His family had gone out of town for the weekend and Darlene had told her parents she'd be staying overnight at a friend's. Although they hadn't talked about beforehand, they'd both been planning to become lovers that weekend. Even so, she'd been so nervous, she jumped every time he touched her . . . until that massage. And then everything was perfect. He'd never forgotten what she'd said to him, so softly, once it was over and they lay in each other's arms: "I feel like I belong inside you." She had tears in her eyes and he'd kissed her before saying "I think that was my line." God, he'd loved her. When she had to go home the next day, he felt like the part of himself that could stand being alone had been shattered by what they discovered together. Eleven o'clock that night, he'd thrown pebbles at her window and begged her to come to him. She had too, without protest, and if anything could outshine their first night together it was their second. "I'm falling asleep here," Darlene said. "I think that was my line." Jace didn't have a clue what made him say it, and he had only seconds to see her expression before she scooted away from him. Her cheeks flushed with Chapter 7

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color so bright, he'd need to undergo brainwashing to convince himself anything but that she'd been remembering their first weekend together too. "'Night," she muttered before escaping into her bedroom. For a long minute, Jace couldn't get himself to move. His body felt heavy as an anvil. Bottom's already dropped out, man, but you're still here. Count your blessings and stop living in the past. He wanted a drink, wanted the crash and burn insanity, because it was the only way he could beat the hell out of himself for his past mistakes and not have to move forward. Darlene claimed he hadn't changed at all, and −− other than being dry for well over a month −− maybe he hadn't. He still wanted her and she still protected herself against him at every turn. Keep your friends close but your enemies closer. Yeah, that was how Darlene had treated him since she broke up with him with those harshly uncaring words "not pledging lifetime vows" and forced him out of her dreams when she left Syracuse alone. Pushing himself to his feet, Jace took a deep breath and told himself what he'd been telling himself since he decided to come back here: I'm gonna win. This time I'm gonna win, Darlene.

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DARLENE poked at her clock when the alarm went off the next morning, then she glanced back. Jace still slept, and she was completely enveloped in his arms, his body. No, she wasn't going to linger this time, especially after last night. Especially when her body felt unusually heavy, a heaviness she hadn't experienced since long before she found out she was pregnant. Almost eight months pregnant and aroused like you're a teenager, she scolded herself. One so in love with Jace Radcliffe, you couldn't see straight anymore. At least she wasn't the only one aroused. She couldn't imagine why that comforted her right now, but somehow it did. Carefully, she extracted herself from his embrace. Jace gathered her comforter against him at the sudden chill, but he didn't wake. She really should forbid him from slipping into bed with her at night. Even though she lost sleep, she'd never been able to restrain him in the past. She didn't want him to sense her weakness for him. You didn't miss Todd, Darlene wondered as she quietly gathered clothes and headed for the shower. In your bed or in the apartment. She hadn't missed Todd since the day he walked out. He'd never been around much anyway. He'd usually slept the morning away, Chapter 7

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got up, made himself breakfast before cleaning the apartment, then went to see their friends. Which inevitably meant "borrowing a few bucks" from her. Occasionally he returned in time to have dinner on the table when she got home from work. Mostly, he'd slipped into bed after midnight and woke her for sex. She didn't even miss that part. When she'd prayed for someone to come and take care of her, she'd never once wished Todd would come back. The name of her knight had never entered her conscious mind, but her prayer had been answered nevertheless. A fool might be born every minute, but she didn't feel that way when she entered the kitchen and saw Jace cooking the only dish he did well −− eggs. He didn't eat breakfast, so obviously he'd made them for her. When he glanced back at her, Darlene couldn't help blushing. She'd freaked out at seeing how he'd stocked her kitchen with groceries last night, and it embarrassed her now. Jace paid his own way. Each time he came around, he paid her rent for the duration of his stay, many of her bills and went in on groceries with her. She wasn't sure why this time she'd experienced such a violent reaction to it. But it had something to do with the permanence of the job he'd gotten. He'd made it impossible for himself to leave easily and yet she knew he would leave. He always left and he always did it just when she thought she couldn't live Chapter 7

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without him. "Sit down," he said, already pulling a chair out for her. Blushing once again, she sat and he put a plate of food in front of her. "Eggs a la Jace." She tried to smile, then picked up her fork. The silence unnerved her, even though he'd turned away to get her a glass of milk and himself a cup of coffee. "What are you planning to do today?" she asked on a shaky breath. He shrugged, sitting across from her bare−chested and rough−jawed. Damn men for daring to be sexy without a shower and a shave! Darlene forced herself to concentrate on putting food in her mouth as fast as she could without being obvious about her discomfort. "Probably get some appropriate attire for the job." Nodding, she didn't look at him. She looked past him at the clock. She'd have to leave soon in order to walk to work and get there on time. "I was planning to call The Doctor, too. Maybe we could go over there and see everybody on Saturday." She'd been hoping he'd drop the subject of visiting Doobs and the rest of their friends entirely after bringing it up last night. Deflecting him a second time wouldn't be easy. Chapter 7

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Getting up, she brought her dishes to the sink, mumbling "I don't know. I'm usually in bed before ten these days . . ." The reason she hadn't wanted to go out to eat last night came down to the fear of running into one of their old friends. She didn't want to admit to Jace she hadn't seen any of them since Todd walked out. "No problem. We'll go early in the afternoon, after lunch, and be back before ten." She didn't work on weekends, although the shop was open. On Fridays, she made up extra arrangements and Cherish filled in if more were needed. So she couldn't use that as an excuse. Instead of offering an excuse, she said "I have to go to work now. Thanks for making breakfast." Without facing him, she moved out of the room, straight to the closet for her coat. To her surprise, Jace reached in after her and got his leather jacket. He must have seen her expression because he said in a no−argument voice "I'm driving you to work. Get used to it." "I feel like I belong inside you." The determined look in his eyes and her own unbidden memory rendered her Chapter 7

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speechless. He'd reminded her of too much last night. Still, the thought That's the one thing I can't do −− get used to it came immediately. Jace surprised her again when he gently eased her hat on and then dropped a kiss on the bridge of her nose. She could have cried.

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Chapter 8 JACE LOOKED at the clock impatient eye. One hour and counting . . . . After lunch, Darlene had gone to get ready. Jace called Doobs, and all their friends were eagerly expecting them now. Doobs, otherwise known as The Doctor or Dr. Feelgood. Everybody called him that because Doobs could he fix anything and people tended to crash at his apartment when they had no other place to go. Doobs had been unduly shocked Darlene was coming, but he hadn't elaborated. It was certainly not unusual for Darlene to take a long time to get ready, Jace concluded. Between loitering in the bathroom and her bedroom in the past, he sometimes wondered if she had a secret tunnel in one of those rooms where she disappeared to be "transformed." He looked forward to seeing their friends again. One thing he liked about the friendships he'd made through Darlene was that they required no maintenance. If he took off without saying goodbye, if he was gone for years, if he showed up out of the blue, they accepted it. Every one of them had the heart of a vagabond, like he'd been in his early twenties. He'd often wondered how they could stand the no−middle−ground, hand−to−mouth or live−like−kings lifestyle. As a kid, he hadn't minded it either. But the older he got, the Chapter 8

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more he needed the stability of a 9−to−5 and a place to settle down. Each time Jace saw his friends, they still lived from party to party. Sometimes he needed that, like now. Darlene sure did. The clock rounded quarter after one and Doobs expected them in mere minutes. Jace knocked on Darlene's bedroom door, but no answer came from inside. He didn't consider going away to give her more time, the way he would have in the past. Easing the door open, he homed in on Darlene right away −− not fussing at the mirror, not discarding another outfit on the mountain covering her bed. She sat on the window seat, staring out at the building across the street. He sucked in his breath involuntarily when he saw her. She wore a black knit dress that did nothing to hide her pregnancy; it heralded the fact proudly. With the cowl neck on the dress and simple gold hoop earrings, she looked softer than a kitten and vulnerable as one too. God, she was beautiful. At that moment, he didn't think he'd ever seen her look more beautiful. Why did she sit here when she was obviously ready to go? Reluctantly, his gaze left her and went around the room. The usual huge pile of discarded outfits covered the bed. Shoes Chapter 8

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scattered on the floor below. Clearly something was wrong, but he couldn't imagine what. He went to her and put his hand lightly on her shoulder. "What's going on, babe?" Although he'd always loved her long, thick, sexy hair, the short feathers only added to her fragile beauty now. When he cupped the back of her head in his hand, she finally looked up at him and said "I'm not going." She said it unemotionally, defying the tears that had reddened her eyes and tracked down below her chin. Alarmed, Jace sat down next to her and pulled her closer to him. She lowered her gaze, pressing her hands against his chest as if to hold him off, yet she made no move to push him away. "Tell me what's wrong." Her cheeks sucked in slightly. She wore color on her cheeks for the first time since he'd come back. Her eyelashes were so dark and thick, they hid what could have given him a clue to her pain. She shook her head. "They haven't seen me since I got pregnant. They don't know . . . unless Todd told them, and I seriously doubt that. I can't go. Everything I put on . . ." She glanced up at him and her chocolate−colored eyes sparkled with tears and a Chapter 8

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Pandora's Box of emotions. "There's no question. All they have to do is look at me and . . . No "Is she?" I can't tell them like . . ." She motioned at her swollen belly. " . . . this, Jace. I can't walk in and here it is!" Maybe inappropriate, but he wanted to kiss her so bad he had a hard time restraining himself. Her face flushed, all the way down to the soft neck of the sweater under her chin. Jace cradled her face in his hands, unable to stop his grin. She'd never been prone to blushing before. She hadn't even blushed in that theater twenty years ago, when King Kong howled his fury and Jace had howled his pleasure. "We can take care of that, honey." She stared at him in confusion, her gaze running from his eyes to his mouth, and the color increased in the top part of her cheeks. Because he knew he'd die if he didn't, he leaned forward and kissed her mouth lightly. Even after he heard her gasp, he got up and marched to the phone. He punched Doobs' number in while Darlene demanded breathlessly "What are you −−?" "Yo," Doobs answered. "Jace here. You know Darlene's pregnant?" Across the room, she made a strangled, horrified noise. Chapter 8

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Doobs didn't miss a beat or even reveal surprise. The guy was always cool. "Can't say I did. Hope I wasn't involved because the memory's a blank. Truly." "You're not. And now you know." Jace hung up and found Darlene next to him. She punched him hard. "How could you do that?" She hit him again, not so hard this time. "What did he say?" Smiling, he pulled her close to him and she let him even though her hands came up to his chest again in that warding−off gesture. "You know Doobs. He's cool. Everybody's cool. They're your friends. What did you think they'd say?" Darlene shook her head, looking down at his shirt. With her fingertip, she traced the logo of his favorite football team. "I never felt totally comfortable with them. Sometimes I felt like I had to be . . . superficial to fit in. That's not really the right word. Like I couldn't tell them "I'm tired; go home" or "I just don't want to do that." I never fit in. I wasn't as pretty as Diane. Who could ever have a body like Roxanne does . . . except Rori?" She shook her head again. "You fit in, babe. Everybody loves you. Everybody envied you." She snorted slightly, lifting her gorgeous eyes to look at him. "Of course. I had the best stereo. The best apartment. And I always had money." Chapter 8

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He nodded, running his hands over her back. "Yeah. You had all that, but you were you. You know how everybody's in awe of Brett? He always lands on his feet, no matter what. You're like that." Darlene would never see how much she resembled her brother. She was too much in awe of Brett herself to see the similarities. She shook her head, but her blush crept back again. Jace lifted her chin with a hand. Darlene, shy. God, he could never have imagined it'd be so sexy. "You keep doing this, babe." "Doing what?" He brushed her cheek with his index finger, down to the underside of her chin. "Blushing," he murmured. He drew his finger up to her lush, lipstick−coated mouth. When he leaned closer, her face flamed beautifully. "You know what it makes me want?" Her mouth had opened, but she didn't seem to be breathing. She seemed downright afraid to speak. "Makes me want to touch you, Darlene. I wanna get so close, you can't hide anything from me." Chapter 8

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She started to swallow, but halted when he closed the final distance between them. Her eyes closed even before impact in anticipation, and his body tightened in triumph. She wanted him. Hell, maybe even as much as he wanted her. With his eyes open, he kissed her, slowly, carefully. Thoroughly. Darlene brought her hand up and covered and held the one he cradled around her face. Getting closer wasn't an option. Her belly stood between them like a chaperone, preventing him from bringing her between his legs, hard against his erection. He couldn't feel her breasts against his chest. He wondered mindlessly if that blush of hers went all the way down there. "Jace . . ." she murmured, and he knew she'd passed the point of coming to her senses, especially when she opened her eyes and allowed him to see the full force of her desire. "Babe, ahh, you're so damn beautiful," he muttered, his tone harsh. "I wanna be a part of you again." She made no move at all to stop him when his hands slid over the front of her dress, palms down. Her breasts were firm, a little larger than he remembered, the nipples hard enough to be painful. He stroked her lightly. She closed her eyes tightly and reached for him blindly, bringing his mouth back. Her kiss wasn't shy; it wasn't timid. Chapter 8

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"Should we skip it? Go tomorrow?" he asked, wanting to yank her dress up to get at her bare skin. "They're expecting us. I'm pregnant." Jace couldn't help chuckling at her illogical, uncontrollable words. "Jace, I'm pregnant. What are we doing?" She closed her hands around his to stop his caress. "You can't want this." More nonsense. "I can't? Funny, I can't remember ever wanting anything more." When she stepped back, she saw how much he wanted her and her blush of arousal increased. This time shame intermingled in her expression. He didn't like it, but it was too soon. Much too soon. She didn't trust him as far as she could throw him. If they made love and she didn't trust him, she'd toss him out of her life the second she came to her senses. He forced himself to grin. "Come on, everybody's waiting." He took her hand, despite the wariness in her eyes. "It'll be okay." KILLING JACE had been Darlene's first thought when he called their friends and announced she was pregnant. Relief had followed the urge. They knew. The big shock was over. Yet it wasn't. Somehow she'd known it wouldn't be, despite Jace's constant reassurance on the way over. He actually made her feel beautiful, then and earlier. Chapter 8

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Beautiful, God, even sexy. Walking into Doobs' apartment, all she felt was pregnant. Everyone in the room turned to them, then zeroed in on her impossible−to−conceal belly. Jace put his arm around her. If he hadn't, she would have turned around and made a beeline for the elevator. Rox was the first to break the jolt that held the room. She moved toward them, not smiling but definitely welcoming. "Hey, if it isn't the Disappearing Duo. Where the hell have you two been?" She hugged Darlene, patting her belly with a sly, scolding smile. "And keeping secrets, too." Roxanne Hart was a model, no surprise, given that she could stop traffic even at rush hour. Darlene blushed, jealously admiring Rox's reddish−brown, to−the−waist, spiral curls . . . not to mention her sleek size five body. Roxanne was a strange but appealing combination of tough as nails and sweet as a lamb. After she'd hugged Jace, Rox stood back and demanded "So did you two run away together or what? You both just seemed to drop off the face of the earth." Was that what their friends believed? That she and Jace had run off together? Darlene Chapter 8

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had been dating Todd after Jace left last time, and they all knew it. Did they think Jace came back for her and she dumped Todd? It unnerved Darlene to realize she didn't have a clue what Todd might have said to explain their break−up. Darlene couldn't speak, and Jace just said "Time flies, doesn't it?" before Doobs joined them. If she'd ever known, she'd long forgotten Doobs' real name and she never called him by his nickname "The Doctor" or "Dr. Feelgood." She'd met him through her brother. Doobs had been the drummer in Brett's hard rock band, Day Job −− one of the many careers that hadn't lasted for either of them. Both Doobs and Brett fit into the personality of a jack−of−all−trades and master of all, too. They always made their way in life somehow, "landed on their feet" as Jace said. Doobs was tall, well−muscled with long, wavy blond hair he stubbornly held on to, despite the fact that male long hair had gone out of style long ago. This man made his own style and it fit him to a T. He was a complete rogue, would rather sell his soul than make a commitment to anything, be it a woman or a steady job. That, of course, only made him more appealing to the female population. Darlene had found him attractive from the first time she met him; she'd even had a little crush on him until he kissed her. Chapter 8

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It'd been New Year's Eve a long time ago, and they'd somehow been near each other, so the kiss had seemed inevitable. Doobs was a very good kisser, but she'd realized then why she'd been in awe of him. He reminded her of Brett, and she'd worshiped her brother as far back as she could remember. Kissing Doobs felt like kissing her brother, and she'd gone back to thinking he was cool but lost her attraction to him. He never pursued anything with her following that kiss, so she'd been left to conclude he didn't find her attractive the way he did most every other woman he came in contact with. Or Brett had warned him away with the old "Screw the whole planet if you must, but leave my sister out of it." Doobs shook hands with Jace, slapped him around, obviously glad to see him, but simply ruffled Darlene's hair affectionately instead of hugging her. He didn't look at her belly this time. Mikey, the guy who ran the garage her brother owned in New York, greeted her shyly once she and Jace had been ushered into the center of the room and coats were whisked away. He was obviously getting over a cold. Mikey didn't really fit this crowd any more than she did. As far as Darlene knew, he was too self−conscious to even ask a woman out, but he seemed to have a crush on all females, Chapter 8

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even her. Diane sat down next to Darlene and immediately started asking questions about the baby −− due date, what it was like, could she touch it? She seemed amazed and emotional as she gently held her hand on Darlene's stomach. "I love babies. We have to throw you a baby shower." She glanced at Rox. "We have to throw Darlene a baby shower. And soon." Darlene started to protest, but Rox shook her head. "No arguments, lady. You can't have a baby without a proper baby shower." Doobs brushed by Rox, and she glanced up, glaring at him. She'd been gone a long time, Darlene realized in surprise. Things had changed here too. Doobs and Rox had always kept a casual thing going between them, certainly nothing exclusive, and both of them had been fine with that. Now the fury in Rox's eyes, looking after him, was unmistakable. Darlene found herself longing to be back in the inner circle, so she could hear all the dirt. It seemed more than simply rude to demand "What's going on with you two?" since she'd been the one to disappear for almost a year. The music blaring through the room, something that had once been background to Chapter 8

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everything she and her friends did, changed to a mellow groove. Bad Company. Darlene glanced up in search of Jace. When she found him across the room with Doobs and Mikey, he'd already locked on to her. "Makes me want to touch you, babe. I wanna get so close, you can't hide anything from me . . . I wanna be a part of you again." If they hadn't had somewhere to go earlier, people waiting for them, she would have made love with him. She'd tried not to think of that, but now, with this song, she couldn't help it. Her feelings weren't simply about sex or the need to be touched again. No, as always, it was all about Jace. No matter if it made her a fool or if she knew better, she was in love with him once more. Still. And she no longer retained her strength or the guards that protected her against him almost every time. After an hour, Darlene continued to feel slightly uncomfortable being so obviously pregnant. Neither Rox or Diane seemed to be able to accept it. They asked her dozens of questions, except the one she wasn't sure she could answer. She got up and went to the bathroom. When she came out, Doobs asked her if she wanted something to drink; what did she drink now? In the past, she drank beer or wine coolers. She shrugged awkwardly, but he insisted on getting her a glass of juice. Chapter 8

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When she took it, he said "I got a kid", something that Darlene answered with a stupefied "Huh?" Doobs grinned, and for the first time ever, he looked embarrassed. "It was a long time ago. I was a really stupid seventeen−year−old jackass. She was fifteen." He looked away, shaking his head as he leaned in the doorway. "Unforgivable, I know. I hear she's married and has a whole passel of kids now. I wish her well." Swallowing hard, Darlene wanted to ask if he'd ever seen his child, if he even wanted to. She couldn't say anything. Doobs rarely spoke about anything personal. "I always knew you'd be the first of us." Darlene stared at him uncomfortably, confused. First to what? To be knocked up? To grow up? Whatever it was, it sounded like a compliment rather than an insult coming from him. Leaning his head back on the door frame, Doobs said on a sigh "You and Jace got more brains than the whole lot of us put together." Almost as if he forced himself to, he glanced at her belly again and Darlene became terrified he'd touch it. That would be too weird. Especially after his out−of−the−blue admission about his own child. Chapter 8

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"Brett know?" he asked. Darlene shook her head. "I haven't seen him for over a year. I don't even know where he is." "Last I heard . . ." Doobs said, raising the long neck bottle of his beer but not drinking. " . . . he was in Buffalo, chasin' after Rori again." He added, chuckling, "He's the reason I never tie myself down." He tapped his head in a gesture meaning he was smarter than Brett. More people arrived, most of them strangers to Darlene. That was nothing out of the ordinary. New blood constantly infused their group, but the core members never seemed to change. Jace wandered over to her, and she murmured for his ears only "Had enough?" "Admit it, it's good to see everybody." He referred only to Doobs, Rox, Diane and Mikey, she knew. The rest had to be strangers to him too. She did have to admit she was glad her secret was out. That they hadn't freaked out or acted totally weird about it. While she never bared her soul to Rox or Diane, protecting her secrets was too ingrained, they'd always been completely open with her. She'd missed that. Chapter 8

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Rox moved over to them and hooked her arm through Jace's. "You've gotta tell me the truth here now, guys. I don't like assumptions. I want facts." The woman looked irresistible. It put Darlene off−guard and made her expect something light like "Did you skip down to Hawaii or what? Then where's your tan?" Instead, Rox asked "Who's the father of your baby, Darlene? You're too monogamous not to know." All the air left Darlene in a rush, as if she'd been kicked. Less than five feet from them, Todd suddenly appeared as if Rox's question conjured him there. He'd heard Rox's question too. He'd obviously been around here since they broke up yet never mentioned her pregnancy to their friends. She shouldn't have been surprised, but she was. But that was only the beginning. Jace put his arm around her and announced proudly, so loud time seemed to stand still for Darlene: "I'm the father." Todd looked downright shocked, Rox nodded with satisfaction "I knew it", and Darlene couldn't speak to save her life as she swung her glance toward Jace. "Proud as can be. What man wouldn't be?" he added, and dropped a kiss on her paralyzed lips. Chapter 8

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Rox slapped him on the back. "Your boys can swim." Todd walked away, and Rox disappeared into the kitchen after saying something Darlene didn't hear. "That him?" Jace asked with his mouth near her ear. "How did you know?" Darlene still couldn't seem to breathe. Why would Jace say that? What in the world would possess him to claim the paternity of her child? "Cuz if we'd been on top of a staircase and I blew on him, he would've gone down like a feather. Miserable son of a bitch." He hugged her, and she had the feeling he needed it more than she did. "That bastard doesn't deserve you or Stevie−Jade." His voice sounded both raw and angry. Tears slammed into Darlene's eyes at his sweet indignation. She wanted to be mad at him. He'd claimed a role that he would walk away from eventually. God, she couldn't allow that. Yet she loved him even more for what he'd done so chivalrously and so unselfishly.

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Chapter 9 THE MEMORY wouldn't allow Darlene to sleep. Sheer black lace bustier, itty bitty G−string, lace top stockings and garter, stiletto heels and two bottles of the most expensive champagne she could get . . . Jace would forget their argument as surely as she had. Darlene had taken a half day at work, something she almost never did, finishing all the arrangements necessary before she left. She'd gotten her hair and nails done, went shopping for the outfit and then for Jace's favorite meal. As she climbed the stairs to her floor, she maneuvered the bags in her arms to look at her watch. Jace wouldn't be home from work for another two hours. Plenty of time to take a soak in jasmine−scented water, start dinner, and be waiting, artfully posed on her leather sofa, in her new lingerie. Her body tightened at the mere thought of being with him again, and not like last night. Not that sad, sweet, maybe even angry lovemaking. It'd been like he was saying . . . God, like he was saying goodbye. She shook her head as if to clear the thought. Jace had been here for months now. They Chapter 9

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were lovers again. He wouldn't leave over a stupid argument, would he? She could barely even remember what it was about. He'd been saying "What are we doing here?" and "Are you playing your games again?", didn't she feel anything? He knew she did. And she'd heard her father's voice, saw the disgust and hate in his bitterly narrow eyes. "Goddamn fool. Love is for suckers." She'd withdrawn inside of herself, blocking out everything so she could protect herself. Jace had let her go when she walked away from him and closed herself into her bedroom. Sleepless hours later, he'd crawled into bed with her the way he did every single time he was here. Huddling into a ball at the edge of the bed, she'd expected him to keep his distance. He was hurting; when she hurt, she avoided everyone and everything. Jace needed the comfort of another human being. She should have known better with him. He turned her toward him and eased her body securely inside his, the way he did after they made love. With one hand pressed flat against her breastbone, he looked at her sadly for far too long. She couldn't turn away, but she wanted to. I don't like hurting you, Jace, she thought. But you get too close. You get in where I don't want you to be. Where I can't let you come in and stay. God, I can't. Chapter 9

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When he kissed her, she tasted sorrow and desperation. She wanted, again, to turn away from him but she couldn't. Not for anything in the world. Maybe a part of her knew at that moment that it was the last time. Fumbling with the key, she was about to push it into the top deadbolt when the door opened. Jace stood there, and her excitement dropped out of her. What was he doing home? It was only three o'clock. Had he quit his job? He'd never complained about it. Manual labor, but it lined his wallet and paid their bills. "You're home early," she said, and realized she was calling this their home. Their bills. Not just her home and her bills. Not anymore. He took the brown paper bags from her and set them on the sofa without looking inside, the way he usually did. "Are you hungry? I got all your favorites. And a little something extra." She talked, acting like everything was normal as she gave him a glimpse of the black lace inside the lingerie bag. He returned her kiss when she stepped into his arms and told him in that way what her plans were for them for the night and the coming weekend. He kissed her like he was ready, willing and able too, immediately. But then he stepped back. That was when she saw his duffel bag near the door. Chapter 9

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"I'm heading out, babe." She stopped breathing and tried to block out his words, the ones that fit the puzzle of his duffel bag sitting there, obviously packed with his few belongings. When she couldn't do that, she tried to block out what they could mean. He'd just gotten here. He meant anything else but that he was leaving again. That what they had together wasn't enough for him to stick around. He was restless again. Bored with her. Her heart seemed to drop straight out of her body and shatter on the floor into pieces she could never hope to put back together. He'd done this before. It was never permanent. She knew that. But this time she'd believed it was different. This time she'd forgiven him and let him in again. He couldn't just leave. Since they'd become lovers again, life had been heaven. Up until he brought up the "Where are we going?" thing last night, she'd thought things might finally go her way. "Do you have everything?" she asked woodenly. "Last time you left your watch −−" "I've got everything. Fifteen things to my name and all accounted for." He grinned insincerely, and she actually found the strength to match it with her own. When his arm curled around her shoulders, he said in a hoarse whisper. "Walk me to Chapter 9

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my bike" and she shrugged as if it made no difference to her. You made me love you again, damn you. You have to stay now. God, you can't go. Darlene forced the thoughts away with the ruthlessness of a hangman. She'd get over him, just like she did all the other times. Mutely, she watched him unchain his motorcycle from the dumpster beneath the fire escape. When he came to kiss her, she didn't lower the arms crossed tightly over her chest. She held on to herself ruthlessly and somehow kept from weeping and wailing beneath his demanding mouth. The fury in his eyes matched his kiss once he tore himself from her. "I love you, Darlene," he said between his teeth, and she couldn't contain the gasp that rose too quickly. The only times he'd ever said that were when she could fit it nicely into a detached category. Heat of passion, you say anything. Intense emotion following an intense act. He'd never said it when there was no other way for her to explain it, to close her eyes against its impact or flee from the room. A part of her wanted to hit him as hard as she could and tell him not to come back. He couldn't love her and leave any more than he could love her and love another, the way he had Rori long ago. Chapter 9

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She said nothing. She gave nothing. She stood back and watched him get on his motorcycle, heard him say "See you around" and she followed him to the end of the alley where his tail lights disappeared far too quickly. Battling fiercely with the tears strangling her, she walked back to her apartment. Even with her door securely locked behind her, she didn't allow herself to give in to her own fierce needs. She picked up the lingerie bag and pulled a bottle of champagne from the grocery bag. In the kitchen, she popped the champagne and put her mouth to the roaring foam so she wouldn't lose much of it. When the explosion settled, she drank half of what remained in the bottle. Then she set the bustier, panties, stockings and garter in the sink. While drinking from the bottle, she carefully set the lingerie on fire. She washed the scraps left down the garbage disposal before carrying the champagne out to the living room. Hard, angry music followed. She drank both bottles of champagne. She got over it without a single tear as she held her emotions down like a raging fire. And she was been proud of herself for it too. Darlene opened her eyes from the memories of the last time Jace had come and gone. Tears streamed down her face, and the baby inside her kicked and poked her as she turned Chapter 9

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over to find a more comfortable position. Stroking her hand over her belly to soothe Stevie−Jade, Darlene made the only vow she could to herself: Not this time. You'll never break my heart again, Jason Radcliffe. Because if you tell me you love me a minute before you ride off into the sunset this time, you'll kill me. Jace shifted behind her, and he put his arms around her, lifting his head and laying it against hers. "You okay, babe?" He sounded sleepy and irresistible, and her tears came harder for the long minute it took for her to bat them down. "Go back to sleep," she said, soft and breathless. "DOES SHE do this every morning?" Instead of pretending to sleep, Darlene lifted her lashes to look at him. They lay on their sides, facing each other. She'd snuggled up to him at night like she'd only done when they were lovers. Even now that they were awake, she didn't back out of the intimacy. Their fingers twined together against her active little belly. "Every morning," she confirmed. They waited together for Stevie−Jade to begin kicking like she wanted out. But before Chapter 9

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she could, Darlene started to move away. The expression on her face was suddenly wary, as if she'd reminded herself of some forgotten vow against him. Jace grabbed hold of her, curling his arm around her back to prevent her from getting away. "Stay. Let me feel her too, babe." As if to keep them together too, Stevie−Jade started poking and prodding and kicking for all she was worth. Jace couldn't help laughing at the movement beneath his palm. "Man, she's gonna be a trooper." The wariness hadn't faded from Darlene's face, but she did smile. Yesterday had been hard for her, especially seeing the creep who wanted nothing to do with mother or baby. Every time Jace thought of the way that skinny bastard wove back into the crowd as if he wanted to escape or make sure no one pointed him out, Jace wanted to go after him and beat some sense into the guy. But then what was the use? Anyone who would walk out on the woman carrying his child had no sense, not to mention morality. "Can I see?" Her expression shuttered even more at his request and the confusion it apparently brought. "See . . . ?" "Her. Your belly. Where Stevie−Jade's growing." Chapter 9

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Darlene swallowed hard, the way she did when she was conflicted with emotions. Yet she said nothing, and he knew that would be all the go−ahead he'd get. She had to be wondering why, just like she must have wondered why yesterday, when he claimed both Darlene and Stevie−Jade as his own in front of everyone. Sitting up, he kneeled in front of her, astride her thighs, turning her gently on her back. When he reached for the bottom button of her flannel top, she gasped but didn't make any move to forbid it. Not until he kept going all the way to the top. Then she caught the material on both sides with her hands, obviously too startled to speak. He wanted to see it all. Everything pregnancy had done to her body. Her belly, her breasts, each part of her. Her cheeks flooded with color at his soft plea, "Let me, babe." Her hands loosened and reluctantly fell away, her mouth open in nervous pants. Jace spread open her top. He'd never seen a pregnant woman in the nude, in person, in his life, and he couldn't have imagined it either. The sight was amazing. Her belly looked like a half−buried basketball, firm, proud and −− no other way to describe it −− glowing. Her skin was so delicate, he could see each vein and each jab as Stevie−Jade karate−chopped her mother. Chapter 9

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He ran his hands reverently over Darlene's swollen flesh, and that was when he noticed her blush. It went all the way down her neck, to the very tips of her breasts, which were distended with new life too. The color of her nipples was a much deeper rose than ever before. "I'll never be near Rori or Rox's size," she muttered, as if the fact that, even in her advanced state of pregnancy, she had small breasts embarrassed her. "I've never seen anything so beautiful in my life as you, Darlene," he said so hoarsely, she couldn't have failed to notice his body's reaction matched his words. But she absolutely wouldn't allow her gaze to stray that way. There was an unearthly purity to a pregnant woman that should have made Jace keep his distance, but seeing Darlene like this only made him want her more. He wanted to become a part of her. Maybe then Stevie−Jade could become his too. The little scrapper gave her mom a karate chop so hard, the limb stretched the taut skin of Darlene's belly in a way that looked unbearably painful. She doubled over. "You okay?" Darlene laughed breathlessly, seemingly forgetting her embarrassment. "She can hear us. She hears your voice." Chapter 9

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An emotion Jace couldn't begin to describe let alone name moved over him at the knowledge. Stevie−Jade could hear them. She'd reacted to the sound of their voices. Scooting back, he leaned close to Darlene's belly, cradling each side. "Hey, little one. I know you're in there. Can't really hide, can you? Not when you move around like that." He stoked the smooth skin Stevie−Jade had stretched last with her little limb. "You're pretty crazy about your mom, aren't you?" As if participating in the conversation, Stevie−Jade poked a limb up again. Darlene laughed, and Jace saw tears in her eyes when he glanced at her. "She's pretty crazy about you too, darlin'. But I bet you know that. You feel it every time she touches you." Beneath his caressing fingers, he could feel some part of the baby pushing against him. The only thing that separated them were a few walls of flesh. Darlene let out a little, gasping moan. "Does it hurt?" he asked in surprise, halting his hand on her belly. "Don't stop." He could tell it did hurt a little, but she didn't mind. When the pressure lessened, she gasped for breath nevertheless. Turning his head, he listened to the sounds inside her belly Chapter 9

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and thought he could hear movement or water sloshing. Steve−Jade doing the back float, he thought. Tentatively, Darlene's hand touched his hair, and he glanced up at her. "Sweet dreams, darlin'," he whispered to her belly and saw Darlene swallow hard again. Her fingers continued to lightly stroke his hair. Jace eased forward and kissed her, neither soft nor hard. Her eyes were closed when he backed away slightly, but he heard the hitch in her breathing and felt her nipples stab at his chest ruthlessly. When he did nothing except stare at her, she opened her eyes and he saw fear there. Fear and shame and longing. He didn't like it one bit. He didn't want her to steel herself against him, the way she seemed to every time she gave him a little part of herself. They'd share something so precious and now she gave him the usual lockout. "What were you doing?" she asked huskily. "When you were gone?" His anger at this question, yet another lockout, made him say more than he'd ever wanted to tell her about those years of hell. "Working like a dog . . . and drinking anytime I wasn't." Turning on his side next to her, he laid his hand at the top of her breasts. The gesture Chapter 9

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made her uncomfortable, he could see, but she didn't move away. She knew he liked alcohol, but he almost never got drunk. "You don't mean −−" Locking his gaze with hers, he nodded mercilessly, not feeling any sympathy for either of them. "I promised myself I'd never have an addiction to anything, not like yours. But I guess you don't plan shit like that." That got her attention. "What do you mean 'an addiction like mine'? I've never been addicted to anything in my life," she asked in sharp surprise. He couldn't help snorting. "You're addicted to control, babe, just as surely as I was addicted to my crash and burn life for two damn years. You let yourself feel, but only deep inside, like it's shameful and you gotta hide it. You think if you let any emotion show, it proves you're weak." Whether or not his words hit the mark, he knew she wouldn't allow herself to face them. The only thing she responded to was the attack itself. "You don't know anything about me, Jason Radcliffe. You never have." She shoved his hand away from her. "You don't want me to know anything, that's true enough, Darlene Foxx. But I think I know you better than you know yourself." Chapter 9

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She sat up, yanking her top closed and glaring back at him. "Oh, you knew me when you were fooling around with Rori in your dad's car? You knew me when we . . . did it when your parents went away for the weekend? That was just for fun, wasn't it? For me, it was just a way to pass the time." She kept talking but all he heard was that she knew about him and Rori. He'd never had a clue, she certainly never allowed him to know she'd found out about that. How did she know? he wondered, and then his guilt slammed out of control. Oh hell, she hadn't seen him with Rori, had she? "I have to feed the baby," she muttered, jumping out of bed in a way her advanced state of pregnancy shouldn't have allowed, and leaving the room. She wouldn't say any more about his betrayal −− he knew her too well. He could tell she already regretted what she had said. He couldn't leave it at that though. Knowing Darlene knew about Rori changed things. Dammit, what she'd unexpectedly revealed changed everything. No wonder . . . If Darlene knew about him and Rori, then no wonder she broke it off with him like it was no big deal when he could tell just by looking in her eyes that it was a big deal. A huge deal. Life and death. And he knew she didn't see their lovemaking back Chapter 9

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then as "a way to pass the time." She'd been ready to run off with him, anywhere, at a moment's notice. Back then he told himself it was because she wanted to escape her parents. Yeah, she cared about him, they were best friends, but she would have taken any escape that presented itself. For the first time, Jace realized his teenage thinking held no logic. If she would have taken any escape and it had nothing to do with him, then why hadn't she left sooner? Why did she allow him to decide they couldn't go, not until they graduated? She'd had enough money to leave on her own, if she wanted to. She'd stayed in that "hellhole", as she called it without fail, because she wanted to leave with him. He'd been the imperative factor in the equation. Jace sat on the edge of the bed, gritting his teeth and swearing at the excruciating pain of hindsight. She hadn't wanted to leave Syracuse without him, yet she had. She'd gone, refusing to allow him to come with her, because he'd betrayed her right down to the depths of her soul. She'd trusted him like she'd trusted no one else, and when a person lived like she had, trust was a rare, priceless jewel. Not trusting him had taken one second. Getting back that trust would take a long time. Chapter 9

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Jace hadn't thrown it away as much as he'd tried to lead a double life. A life he'd convinced himself hurt no one because he was young and incapable of commitment then, despite the love he felt for one girl. Darlene. She didn't believe he was capable of a commitment then and she certainly didn't now. And he didn't blame her one damn bit.

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Chapter 10 SHE FELT him before he entered the kitchen, even before he spoke. "We can't leave it like that, Darlene," he said in a soft, hurt voice. The urge to slam her head against the cupboard door in front of her was almost too strong to resist. Even after all her vows last night, Darlene couldn't steel herself against him this morning. Not when he shared her joy so sweetly, so enthusiastically. Not when he talked to her baby like she had when alone. And then he'd said that thing about her "control addiction." Maybe he was right but it didn't make her feelings on the subject any less volatile, which was almost contradictory to her control addiction. She hadn't been able to control the jealous pain that rose up. She couldn't even hold onto the secret she'd promised herself she'd take to her grave. God, she didn't want Jace to know she'd seen him with Rori. She couldn't let him know how much he'd hurt her, how much she'd felt for him. Now it was out and she couldn't do anything to call him off the bone. Squeezing her eyes closed tightly, she tried to block out his words. He wouldn't allow Chapter 10

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her to. When she resumed making coffee for him wordlessly, he came up behind her and stalled her hands. "Did you see me and Rori together?" He was too damn close. Her body felt like she stood in a furnace fueled with her shame, embarrassment and desire for this man who'd so callously betrayed her. "Obviously," she muttered without facing him. "I saw your face." She heard his harsh breath, but still couldn't look at him. No, she'd rather die than do that. Jace laid his head on her shoulder and one of his hands curled around her neck. His fingers pressed into her throat. She welcomed the pain. Anything was better than giving in to the memory of that horrifying night and facing his reaction to it after twenty years. "I'm sorry, babe. God, I'm sorry." Because she had to or she risked losing control, she shrugged before easing away as much as he'd allow, and slapped the filter case back into place on the coffeepot. She flipped the switch on, then moved away from him to get her oatmeal. He let her go as if it was the least he could do. "Say something," he said in a voice so raw, she almost didn't understand him. She scraped the oatmeal from the pan into her bowl, trying desperately to remain Chapter 10

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detached. She'd spent twenty years wanting to scream at him, to demand how he could do it to her. Giving in to that would give away far too much. And it still hurt more than she wanted to admit even to herself. "Who wouldn't go after Rori? Even Nate Jovanovich was hot for her and everybody knew he'd end up a preacher." At first speaking seemed to be the only way to make him believe she didn't care anymore. But when he forced her to turn to him, she realized saying any more about the whole subject had been another mistake. His face revealed an overwhelming mix of excruciating guilt and horror that almost made her cry out. "It wasn't like that, dammit. Nobody could've been more . . ." He clenched his teeth around the words " . . . meant more . . . But we were too damn young for what we were going through, babe. It's no excuse, but you know it was over the line from the first time we touched." The day they'd first touched as lovers . . . the day she came alive for the very first time. Over the line? That was how he saw it? Darlene turning and grabbed her bowl. "We never made a commitment. What does it matter now?" He surprised her again when he laughed, a dry little mocking laugh that made her flush. Chapter 10

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"Apparently it matters a lot to both of us." When he sat down across from her, she forced herself through the motions of sprinkling brown sugar over her cereal, followed by milk. "I wanted a lotta stuff at sixteen. Most of it contradictory." After racing his fingers back through his hair, he commanded her attention when he said, "You kept talking about getting out of that hellhole. Being free." Darlene looked down again to escape the intensity of his emotions. She'd talked about that a lot. More than anything else. Back then, flying out from the misery of her life had been so tightly meshed in with wanting to find her wings with Jace. "I wanted all that too, with you. Only you. But I wasn't ready for it." Those drives. Those long drives where she convinced herself they couldn't turn back, the ones he always ended because he didn't believe they could make it on their own . . . She'd never forget those drives. The taste of sweet freedom had always left her in an even greater state of misery. Impossibly, she'd always loved Jace more after because he allowed her to believe someday they would go together. She'd been completely convinced of it until she saw his dad's car parked in the school parking lot after dark, in the pouring rain. After skulking around in the bushes to get closer, telling herself the whole while that he sat in it Chapter 10

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alone listening to some tunes (she'd been able to hear the music from a block away), she'd seen them. The street lamp had shone inside the car interior only too well. Rori had been straddling his lap in the backseat, her shirt wide open, with Jace's face buried against her ample breasts. Darlene had seen all that . . . and then she'd seen his face. The force of her own horror had left her hyperventilating, gasping at the kick of shock and choking on a heartache that ripped her wide open. She'd lain down in the bushes that had only an hour before been drenched in the rain and cried and wailed until her throat was so raw it'd hurt even the next day. That was when she'd told him −− no big deal but −− they should just be friends from now on. No more sex. No more love. No more giving pieces of myself to you that you toss away like blackened pennies. No more trusting you to love me, to care about me, to give me the simple courtesy of being with only me. No more drives and no more dreams. I go alone when I go and I'll never look back. Darlene's throat hurt as she remembered her angry, bleedingthoughts that day as she sealed herself from allowing that kind of pain to reach her again. "We can't change anything we did then, so there's no point talking about it now." He watched her as if she might give him some idea of what she really felt. She forced Chapter 10

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herself to eat, turning her attention to that when she couldn't hold onto her uncaring stance. A sigh of relief hung in her throat when he got up and got himself some coffee. He never ate breakfast, just drank coffee. She hadn't eaten breakfast herself until she got pregnant. The scent of the coffee posed a huge temptation, but she'd given that up temporarily too. "What did you mean 'I saw your face'?" he asked sitting down with a steaming mug. Darlene clenched her teeth. She wanted this whole conversation over. Why had she even brought it up to begin with? So he found her a control freak who refused to show emotion? That was what she wanted him to think. Then he couldn't hurt her. But he did. He always hurt her because he was the one person she couldn't shut out completely. Pregnancy hormones at work again. Her anger rose at his inability to drop it and she slammed down her spoon, facing him. "I saw your face when you were with her. When you did things with her that I thought only we did together. Your face was the same as when we were together. It was no different at all." She felt like screaming it in his face: The ecstasy you felt with her was the same with me! So I wasn't special, Okay? I was no different than her. Just sex. It was never any more for you than that. You probably said the same sweet things to her. You probably told her you'd leave with her too. I meant nothing, just like I always knew. Chapter 10

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Tears stung her eyes madly, and she only found the strength to fight them when Jace shook his head at her with a fierceness that didn't make sense. "No way. No damn way." Darlene was convinced he'd reach across the table and haul her right up to his face, so she instinctively backed away. "Yeah, it was good with her. I was sixteen. Taking a shower and changing my socks was good for me. But it was never the same with her as it was with you." Darlene snorted. That was instinctive too, but she'd known he'd react to it this time. He flew out of his chair and stood over her. When she wouldn't look at him, he ended up kneeling by her chair. She wasn't afraid he'd hurt her, but that he'd find her. He forced her to face him. Instead of shouting at her or driving home his point, his voice sounded almost meek when he spoke. And yet he remained unequivocal. "I know I hurt you when you saw that. I know it wouldn't have made any difference if you never told me you saw me with her. It was still wrong. I was a bastard. I wasn't ready for it, but I loved you, babe. I never felt like that with anybody else. On one hand, all I could think about was being with you, my sweet, unselfish girl who could make me laugh and spill my guts . . . used to think about you and I'd get all hot and hard and I used to get tears in my eyes cuz that was what it was like Chapter 10

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being with you. My whole world, babe. You were my whole world, all I'd ever want and need. But then I'd think, I'm still a kid and I'm gonna miss things . . . New experiences . . . with other women, with a world I'd never seen any part of on my own . . . It's not fair, and it's not right, but that was my whole, crazy, mixed up mind then." Darlene couldn't breathe, couldn't cry, couldn't get the sheen of tears to retreat. "I told myself you weren't ready to make me your whole world either, but I think you were. You did. That makes it even worse, what I did." Why did she want to hold him and tell him everything was okay? Nothing was okay. Everything he said made it worse. She didn't understand how a person could love someone wholly and then want more. She'd had no more to give him then and she certainly didn't now. "I'm not mixed up anymore, babe. And I'm not gonna hurt you like that ever again. Trust me." Trust him −− the one thing she couldn't do. He wanted her to believe he'd changed, but she couldn't believe that. Every time he came here, he ended up leaving sooner or later. For the same reason he'd done things as a kid, too, because he wanted more, felt he was missing something. Because she wasn't enough. Chapter 10

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I have too much to lose, she thought, turning away. She didn't know what to say to him. So she said nothing. SHE HADN'T expected him to come back. Jace read her eyes as easily as he could read a book. After the emotional impasse following breakfast, he'd decided to give her some space. Truthfully, a part of him had thought to reassure her too. She didn't trust him at all. For most of that he couldn't blame her, but he'd changed as much as she said she had. He wasn't that randy teenager who wanted everything and nothing. He'd been ready for the lifetime thing with Darlene for a damn lot of years. Now he knew why she hadn't been in all that time. If he left for a couple hours and came back enough times, maybe she'd start to trust him. Baby steps. She'd just showered and was coming out to the living room when he closed the front door with his foot. He couldn't help grinning when she went from surprise, wariness to wide−eyed confusion in the space of one minute. "How . . . ? Why? You can't −−" Chapter 10

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"I know, can't watch the Superbowl on a 19" TV, but I figured anything bigger wouldn't fit the decor in here anymore." He carried the TV over to the coffee table. After shedding his jacket, he tore open the top of the box. "What do you usually do on the weekends if you haven't seen our friends for a long time?" he asked. She held the bottom of the box while he eased the television out of the Styrofoam conforms. "Read or sleep." After eyeballing the layout of her apartment now that there was little furniture to hide things like outlets and cable hookups, he set the TV on the floor and started re−arranging. "Jace, how are you planning to take this thing with you when you go? I seriously doubt Bandoleers will let you keep the truck, and a TV on a motorcycle . . ." "Won't happen," he said, glancing at her to find her confused by his words and unwilling to request clarification. "Speaking of which −−" He dug into the inside pocket of his leather jacket, then handed her a piece of paper. "Those are the phone numbers you can reach me at if you need to." "They're giving you a cell phone?" she asked, after glancing at them. "Once I get the lay of the land, I'll be all over the place, so I'm gonna need it." Chapter 10

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A part of him expected Darlene to tear the sheet up because she didn't want to believe he'd be there when she needed him. Instead, she went to her purse on the foyer table and stuffed the paper inside. "Are you nervous about starting work tomorrow?" she asked, and he suddenly realized she seemed nervous. She'd had every incentive to throw him out a couple hours ago. He'd been almost glad she didn't say anything when he asked her to trust him. If she'd spoken, he wouldn't be here right now. Her pride would have forced her to tell him to leave. Did she want him to stay? God no, she'd never say it out loud, but the way she acted now did everything except scream that. Jace shook his head. "It'll have its own idiosyncrasies, but I know this job. Seems like I just transferred instead of took a whole new job. I'm looking forward to it." Once the coffee table was clear, he moved it under the windows on the far side of the living room, then brought the TV over and hooked it up. They'd watched the Superbowl together every year as teenagers. Sometimes Rori sat in for awhile, but she always got bored. Darlene was one of the few women he knew who actually enjoyed the game. "You still got your cable hook−up," he said once he flipped through the channels and Chapter 10

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checked the reception. She shrugged. "I called them after I sold the TV and told them they should turn it off. Guess they never got around to it or someone lost the request." "Mind if I move the couch back over here?" She shook her head, saying "I'd offer to help, but I don't think I should." "I wouldn't let you if you did." This couch was much heavier than her other one, but Jace had no trouble sliding it across the wood floor. "Todd moved the other couch. He was always rearranging everything. I could never find anything," she said almost absently. Jace didn't like her talking about a guy who'd lived here and become something of a habit. She was nervous for some reason, and he was sure that was why she said it. "Probably be more comfortable if we pulled out the sofa bed." Darlene wrapped her arms around her chest, took a deep breath and nodded. "I'll get the sheet and some pillows." When she started to turn toward the bedroom, he moved near to put his arms around her. "I'll take care of everything. You sit down. You look tired," he said with his mouth against Chapter 10

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her ear. For one second her hands pressed to his chest, and she murmured "Jace . . ." 'Jace, I'm glad you're here.' 'Jace, I'm glad you didn't leave.' 'Jace, don't ever leave.' He let himself entertain the thought that she wanted to say any or all of those things. Her tone suggested it. Instead of forcing it, he went to get the bedding. She helped him make up the sofa bed, and then he insisted she lie down. The Superbowl wouldn't be on for another couple hours. When he got on the bed beside her, he felt her nervousness. They didn't cuddle, but they didn't keep to their separate sides either. "What do you wanna watch while we wait?" he asked. "You can just flip." Her tone was very soft, and when he glanced at her about twenty minutes later she'd fallen asleep. Forget the limbo of being together but not too close. Jace put his arm around her hips and eased her against him until she curled right up to him with her head on his chest. She sighed too, like she'd gotten what she longed for. Jace brushed her hair back from her forehead, then pressed a kiss to the bridge of her nose. He felt exactly what he told her that morning −− hot, hard and teary−eyed. She woke a couple hours later, just after the game started. She didn't move away from Chapter 10

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him when she realized she lay firmly in his arms. "What did I miss?" she asked, sleepy and soft. "Not much. An uninspired rendition of 'The National Anthem.'" Smiling, she surprised him by snuggling against him with another sigh. Even after changing positions later, she didn't stray far from him. His stomach growled like a ferocious bear around half−time, and Darlene asked, "Have you eaten anything all day?" He shrugged. He hadn't wanted to move in case she decided she better keep her distance once he returned. "I'll make something. But first I have to pee." Jace laughed, wondering how long she'd held back, too. "You do that and I'll make something. How about the Jace Radcliffe best−I−can−do version of turkey and cheese sandwiches?" "Sounds great to me. I'm starving, too." The phone rang while he loaded up a tray of thick sandwiches, low−salt tortilla chips and two big glasses of milk. He glanced at the TV on his way to pick the receiver up and saw they still had a couple Chapter 10

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minutes until the game resumed. "Yeah?" Darlene raced into the room with the buckles on her adorable maternity overalls undone. "Don't −−!" "May I speak to Darlene, young man?" "Hold on." He held out the phone to Darlene, and her expression caved in like he'd heralded in the end of the world. It wasn't until Darlene reluctantly took it to mutter a greeting, with her teeth clenched, that he realized the caller had to be her mother. He'd forgotten she screened all of her calls so she never had to talk to her mother, who called every Sunday to lay on what Darlene called "the guilt trip galore." As he moved away just enough to give Darlene space, he listened to her talk because he couldn't stop himself. "It's Jace Radcliffe, you know Jace, Mom. What business is it of yours?" Darlene said, glaring at him. He mouthed "Sorry" and knew he'd be even more sorry by the time she hung up. She closed her eyes, speaking as if she'd said the same things over and over. "I'm Chapter 10

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thirty−six years old. If I want to have friends over . . . You know I haven't seen Shane. He visits you every week. He'd tell you if he'd seen me . . . I don't have a car. How am I gonna get there? . . . No, I haven't seen Brett. I don't know where he is . . . I'm not his keeper, Mom. I see him when I see him . . . He'd let me know somehow if something was wrong . . . I just told you I don't have a car . . . I sold it . . . What does it matter to you why I did? . . . Mom, I'm not going to talk to you about my private life . . . Because it's none of your business . . ." Jace listened to the one−sided conversation watching her and knew she'd be after him with a broom once she finally got herself out of the conversation. He got up and brought the food out of the kitchen, setting it on the sofabed. " . . . I won't. Dammit, you know why. I don't have to defend myself to you . . . Don't cry; you can't manipulate me that way. If you need anything, Shane will get it . . . I have a life I'm not going to give up to move back there. Why would I do that? God, why −−?" Darlene stood silently for a long few minutes, one arm crossed over her chest, holding onto her opposite arm. Her nails dug into her own flesh mercilessly. Jace understood her mom had gotten to the part where she gave Darlene every little detail of how her stroke had left her incompetent. He knew Darlene felt guilty about not going back even for that. She Chapter 10

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leaned against the wall now with her eyes closed tightly. "I'm here," she said softly and then fell silent again during the next level of attempts to wear her down. Jace could actually hear her mother's voice rising out of the receiver. For years, he'd thought Darlene should talk to her mother, even go back home for awhile to see her parents. He'd had illusions of her working out her past and maybe getting free of it. When Darlene had described in detail the conversations she'd been subjected to with her mother since she left home, he changed his mind. The conversations were manipulative and abusive. Right now, her mother was most likely calling Darlene every form of sleaze and making her believe the fact that she wasn't married yet only proved it. God only knew what she'd say if she found out Darlene was pregnant. Going home would only force her to face more abuse. Darlene finally hung up. She looked like she'd been run through a meat grinder. "I'm sorry, babe. I forgot. I won't do it again." He brushed her hair back while she finished buckling her overalls. "Feel like I'm back there again. God!" When Jace hugged her, she actually wrapped her arms around him and returned it double. Chapter 10

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"I wouldn't go back there if my life depended on, car or no car. You'd think after eighteen years, she'd give it up." Jace thought that, instead, Darlene's mother hoped Darlene would eventually wear down and give in. He cradled her head in his hands and stroked her hair. Looking up, she didn't smile but he knew she was glad he was here, even if he'd been the one to force that conversation on her. "I almost told her I was pregnant. Can you believe that? I don't even know why. She'd just have more ammunition. I don't know how Shane puts up with it, living so close." Her youngest brother, Shane, was the only child in the Foxx family who went home. Brett certainly didn't. And Darlene's two older brothers had, by all accounts, taken off when they were old enough and never looked back. No one had a clue where they were. Jace couldn't imagine being such bad parents that they'd alienated all but one child. He leaned his forehead against Darlene's, kissing her lips quickly, and then said "Forget it. Let's eat, okay?" With her eyes closed, she nodded. They curled up together on the sofa again and Jace actually found himself thinking, Just like old times. Chapter 10

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Chapter 11 DARLENE woke the next morning in her own bed, with the strange sensation of not having a clue how she got there. After the Superbowl ended, they'd watched a Billy Crystal marathon. She'd fallen asleep during City Slickers 2, the way she always did. She couldn't remember getting up . . . . Beneath the comforter, she felt the Henley shirt she'd had on yesterday, beneath the overalls. The overalls were gone. She couldn't even remember getting undressed that far. The feeling of someone watching her made her raise her head from the pillow. From the other side of the bed, Jace observed her. Observed. He looked like he was waiting for her to react and not mildly. He'd carried her in here, Darlene realized then. He'd carried her in here and he'd undressed her . . . . Oh God. She should have been furious, should have felt anything but that he was incredibly sweet. Yesterday had been both horrible and wonderful. He now knew things she'd never Chapter 11

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wanted him to know . . . and she now knew she had no control whatsoever. Pregnancy had left her so vulnerable, instead of being relieved when he'd gone after her humiliating exposure, she'd cried like a baby. He hadn't even been here a week and already she couldn't imagine doing this thing without him. She needed him. She felt things for him that she'd promised herself she'd never feel again. No control. And when he'd come back, she'd been so happy she almost cried again. She was no longer afraid that Jace would break her heart. Her fear was that he'd leave her all alone, leave her life as barren as her apartment. She couldn't trust him, God, not for a second. But she couldn't protect herself from foolishly needing him while he was here. Yesterday afternoon, through the night, she'd felt safe with Jace, something she'd never once felt with him in the past. When Jace scooted toward her, Darlene caught her breath. "I thought you'd be uncomfortable with all those buckles." She would have been. She couldn't speak. "Don't worry. I was a perfect gentleman." An image of her seriously pregnant body turning on any man had her fighting sudden, uncontrollable laughter. Jace didn't even smile, and then he moved so close she stopped Chapter 11

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laughing in pure shock. He was aroused. Fully, magnificently aroused. She could feel him against the curve of her swollen belly. Her breath hitched in her throat again. "Are you insane?" she whispered. The combination of overwhelming need for him and guilty shame was too unpleasant to indulge in. "Nope. Just know what I like, babe." Her over−sensitive body said the same thing. She had too many images and memories of this man, this one who against all odds found her attractive. The first time she'd realized he found her sexy was the night they went on their first, official date. She'd walked over to his house, not wanting her parents to meet him because she knew she'd be punished for being with a boy. Jace had been standing against his dad's car waiting for her, watching her come down the sidewalk toward him. She felt like all the air inside her had gone with one fierce blow. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't imagine what casual comment she could come up with to lessen her reaction. Jace didn't help at all either, not with the intense way he stared at her like he had after each long, deep kiss they shared at school that day. They'd planned to go somewhere, do something, but she couldn't for the life of her remember any of that. Jace was aroused. She'd noticed it even before she reached him and Chapter 11

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he pulled her in for a kiss that blew her mind even more. Every time Jace kissed her, she felt like she was unbearably feminine and sexy, powerful and yet totally weak. She'd known that night that it wouldn't be long before she gave him every part of herself. The memories were too strong. She couldn't fight it when Jace brought his mouth down to hers and kissed her gently, allowing her to decide its fate. She was a teenager again −− unbearably feminine and sexy, powerful and yet totally weak in his arms. Never mind reality. When she was with Jace that never seemed to matter. She loved him; he was her whole world and she'd give him her all, piece by fragile piece. The alarm shrilled behind her, and her heart hitched in her throat. Darlene realized that without it she would have been lost. God, what kind of a person was she? She was pregnant with one man's child and lusting after another man. She didn't like that word "lust." It was too simple and crude for what she felt when she glanced shamefully up at Jace. She could see he already knew what she was going to say when her reluctant words came, "Please don't do that." "Too late. I already want you again, babe." He said it without an ounce of shame. As hard as she tried, Darlene couldn't look away from his conviction. Stevie−Jade should have been yours, Jace. My child. Your child. Our Chapter 11

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child. Her own thought made her cringe. Stevie−Jade had been fathered by a man Darlene couldn't even remember when she was around Jace. No man could ever make her feel anywhere as much as she did with this one, her first love. God, you are the slut your parents told you you were all your life. Angry tears filled her eyes, and Darlene forced herself to turn away, get out of bed and go to work. STEVIE−JADE should have been mine. The clock on the truck's dashboard read 7:13 a.m. Jace always showed up at least a half hour early on the first day of a new job; fifteen minutes early every day after that. This morning, his stomach felt tight, like he'd had too much coffee instead of not enough. A big part of him wanted to be angry at Darlene and her damn defenses. Every time he got a step closer, she pushed him back two. Yesterday had been a step closer. Yesterday had been like old times. Only difference is, now you know why Darlene told you to take a hike. You can't blame her and her defenses for that. Nope, only one you can blame is yourself. Chapter 11

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For that very reason, he couldn't be mad at her. At a stoplight, he drummed his thumbs against the steering wheel. He'd made serious mistakes back then, as a stupid kid, but he'd also done something right. From the minute he met Darlene, she'd been locked up tight. He knew she'd been a twenty−five−year−old trapped in the body of an eight−year−old. Against the odds, they had become friends. Darlene didn't trust anybody then, yet she'd learned to trust him. She told him specific things about her life at home, never the feelings, but she didn't need to say those things. He could see them in her eyes. She'd trusted him the first time he kissed her, the first time they made love. Her parents had dimmed the light inside of her early on; Jace brought it back, only to shattered it almost completely. He should have known she had a glass heart. "I wish we could just keep going," Darlene said in the dark confines of his old man's car. Jace glanced at her from the freeway. She was lost in the shadows with her long, dark hair, the dark clothes she liked to wear. "When it's dark like this, the world seems endless. Like it's actually got possibilities and the only way to get to them is to keep going and never look back." Chapter 11

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She turned toward him. At sixteen, she could rob him of every one of his senses in a single look. The tears glittering like diamonds in her eyes only added to his heartache. Darlene could do that easily −− she could disappear into the darkness and never look back, never detour from the path toward freedom. "I wouldn't miss a thing," she said, and her tone was hard this time. She'd never let those tears fall. Not unless she could explain them away any other way. Before she'd spoken, he'd been about to suggest they turn back. It was already after nine p.m., they were headed toward Buffalo, and it'd take well over an hour and a half to get home as it was. His parents would be worried. Hers would more likely grind her to ashes. She always said getting away was worth the abuse she had to take afterwards. Why was he always the voice of reason? Hell, it wasn't a role he wore often. He was the one to suggest the crazy things that were only more appealing because of the danger. Yet every single time he and Darlene took off without a destination, he was always the one to say they better head back. The irony alone should have made him laugh. But right now it felt too much like he'd stabbed her in the back by even suggesting that the best place for them was home. Swallowing hard, he gripped the steering wheel tighter. "I got $50 in my wallet, babe. Chapter 11

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Trust me, it ain't gonna last long." "I've got money. We could make it." The wobbly words just about convinced him she might cry, and he didn't know how he'd convince her they had to turn back then. When she cried, he couldn't think of doing anything but making her happy, any way he could. The only time she cried, unfortunately, was during or after lovemaking and then she wanted him to believe it was a sexual response. Reaching across the seat, he searched and found her hand, then he tugged her across the seat to him. With his free arm, he cradled her head against his shoulder. "You'll have a lot more saved if we wait a couple years," he said softly. "And we can get better jobs with high school diplomas." The voice of reason. Hell, he made himself sick. He wasn't afraid to go. But he loved his family. There was no way he could just take off without telling them. Besides, he had things back in Syracuse −− friends, school. He wasn't ready for the responsibility of a full−time job and life. His mind called forth the memory of him and Rori last night, and he gritted his teeth under the battering guilt. Darlene would never understand that. Dammit, he didn't Chapter 11

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understand it himself. He wanted Darlene. He wanted Rori. He wanted a lot of girls. And he loved Darlene. That he definitely wasn't ready for. As if they were in the same place, Darlene turned her face toward his neck and snuggled further into him. "I don't think I can last two more years, Jace. I can't take it when he −−" Jace tried to look at her, but she shook her head, putting both arms around him. "Whatever we have to do to be together, I'll do it. I wanna get out permanently." Her home life was hell, but outside of her old man's verbal abuse and her mom's refusal to face anything, what went on there? Darlene's mouth moved against his neck, up to his ear and he stopped thinking momentarily, especially when she used her tongue and teeth on his lobe. "We gotta turn back, babe," he muttered thickly. "Why?" Her hand wove beneath his jacket, sinuously reaching further under his shirt. "We have to." The tips of her fingers slipped below the waistband of his jeans, and he had to stop her. No way could he could keep driving, thinking and wanting her at the same time. Seemingly, all the blood in his body already pumped straight into an erection he couldn't halt. Chapter 11

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Darlene glanced away from him, back at the road. After a minute, she pointed to a sign that flew past in seconds. "There. A rest stop in two miles. Let's stop here." "Stop? We gotta −−" Her hand wriggled free and slid right down over his zipper, caressing him firmly through denim. That was followed by her mouth on his neck again. Less than five minutes later, they were in the most remote corner of the deserted rest stop, in the backseat. He moved deep inside her. Tears slipped out from Darlene's eyes as freely as moans rolled off her tongue. Jace watched her pleasure and pain, felt his own. Tears stung his eyes too. Can't keep doing this, babe, he thought helplessly. Can't. Yet they'd gone for that drive countless times before Darlene told him she just wanted to be friends again. Before he'd learned that she planned to leave Syracuse on her own. He'd gone to her on their graduation day. Outside the Foxx house was an old, beat−up car, one her brother Shane told Jace she'd bought just a couple days ago. She'd been packing, and when he asked if they could go together, she shook her head. "I'm going on my own," she'd told him without looking at him. She hadn't trusted him enough to stay with her, to stay only with her, and she'd obviously Chapter 11

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decided she would rely on one person: herself. Even now, when they were adults, she didn't trust him enough to stay with her. But for the first time in what felt like a lifetime to Jace, she needed someone. Darlene Foxx needed someone she could trust. Before the whole Rori thing, Jace had done something right. What exactly that had been, he wasn't sure, but he had done something that allowed her to bestow her precious trust on him. This pregnancy was giving him another chance to get that back. For the first time, he didn't feel he had a clue what he was doing. Every time he came back here, he'd had a plan backed with relentless ambition. The only time it'd worked, partially, was last time he'd come to her. He'd been gone a long time; he'd forced himself to do that. And he'd stayed a long time before she gave in to him again. He'd done something right then too −− he'd held out as long as he possibly could without losing all self−respect. He was going to hold out this time, and he'd start with this job. Whatever he had to do to be with her, he'd do it.

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Chapter 12 THE CLOCK across the work room swam in front of her eyes. Uhhh . . . . Darlene knew then that she hadn't been imagining the cotton−head, hot and cold shifts or the extreme achiness throughout the day. When the clock came back in focus, she read that it was 4:30 and groaned inwardly. Another half hour. Another thirty, endless, eternal, unbearable minutes. Very carefully, she set down the secateurs she'd been using. She had two more arrangements to do, then she had to walk all the way home. At the moment, home felt like the other side of the world. The floor, on the other hand, had never looked quite so comfortable. Uhhh . . . . A hand touched her shoulder, bringing her fully back to reality. God, had she almost fainted? The thought made her clutch her belly protectively. "Darlene, are you feeling alright?" Cherish asked. Darlene heard the buzz of work around her. She hadn't heard anything for the past couple Chapter 12

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hours, as she phased in and out of semi−consciousness. It was a miracle she hadn't already passed out, fallen and slammed against the hard floor. "Marcus said he asked you something and you didn't even seem to hear him." Darlene flushed at the realization that they'd probably all been looking at her, wondering what was wrong with her. Her boss pressed the back of her hand lightly to her cheek. "You're burning up," Cherish said under her breath. "Shall I call Jason?" Darlene's instincts rose immediately. "No!" Even if she wanted Jace to come here and rescue her, she couldn't get used to needing him like that. What if he hadn't shown up a week ago? She would have to take care of herself. She'd do that now. "I'll . . . If you don't mind, I think I'll go home a little early." "You can't walk in this condition. You're sick. You'll get mugged." Cherish went over to the row of personal lockers in the work room and got Darlene's coat and purse. "Come on. I'll drive you home." If not for the baby, Darlene would have argued she could get home herself. Now she simply couldn't risk it. Just putting on her coat and hat took more strength than she had. After issuing a few instructions to another employee about the orders she wouldn't be able to complete, Darlene followed her boss out of the store. She slept during the short Chapter 12

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drive, deeply enough that Cherish had to physically shake her to get her awake. "Do you need me to walk you up?" Cherish asked, worry creasing her brow. Her mini−van was already double−parked. Darlene shook her head, reaching for the door release. "I'll be fine. Thanks for the ride." How she got up to her floor, she'd never know. Hot colors swirled in front of her eyes, pressed hard inside her skull as if trying desperately to escape. Then she saw her apartment door standing wide open. She stopped, one hand on the wall to keep her balance, feeling disoriented and confused. Was she on the wrong floor? No, that was her welcome mat. Had Jace forgotten to lock up before he left this morning? Did he come home early? On his first day? Stepping forward, she glanced inside and was mildly shocked to see a mess. Wet, muddy footprints all over the hardwood floor, bookshelf, radio, TV, even the coffee table it'd sat on . . . gone. The worst part was, she didn't have the energy to care or to think about it too deeply. She laughed weakly, though, to see her second−hand couch sitting by itself in the lonely room. The small amount of effort she put into the laugh left her totally dizzy. She stumbled forward into her apartment. That piece of junk couch suddenly looked like heaven. Lay Chapter 12

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down and then figure out what was going on. Yeah. As she rounded the couch, she kicked something. Letting go of her purse, she glanced down to see her cordless phone. Call Jace. Darlene sat down and blindly reached into her purse. She had to call Jace. She couldn't take care of this herself. Jace would take care of her. After she pulled the scrap of paper he'd given her yesterday out, the numbers on it swam in front of her eyes for a few minutes. The room seemed to be fading in and out. Somehow she managed to dial the first number on the list and mumbled Jace's name when someone answered. She might have fallen asleep in the time it took for his voice to come through. Startled, she couldn't speak until he demanded "Darlene?" Her mouth was much too dry to allow full sentences. "Jace . . . Home. Everything's gone . . . Your new TV . . ." "What? Are you . . . ? Wait a minute. Are you saying you've been robbed?" The laughter rose up again and it came out, making her feel her head spun like a carousel. Chapter 12

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"Where are you? You're not at home, are you?" "Hmm . . ." God, she was tired. So tired. "Dammit, Darlene," his voice roused her again, hurting her ear. "Get out of there! Go across the street and wait for me. You're not calling from your apartment, are you?" She couldn't answer. Sleep tugged hard at her. "Are you okay? You're not in labor, are you?" Stevie−Jade. Was she all right? Fear put tears in Darlene's eyes as she mumbled "Sick. Flu. Caught Mikey's cold. Can't move. Jace, I can't move." He sighed in frustration, then said carefully "Listen to me, babe. Get up . . . go down . . ." His voice waned in and out. " . . . steps . . . wait for me . . . bottom floor . . . Darlene? Do it . . . Stevie−Jade." Her baby needed her. Right now, Darlene was the only one who could take care of her. She rose because she had no choice. Grabbing her purse, still holding on to the phone, she stood. Red alarms wailed and heat rushed at her, through her. Yet she pushed herself out of the apartment, down to the ground floor. There she sat with one final thought: Wait for Jace.

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JACE DOUBLED parked in front of Darlene's apartment building. Ignoring the blare of horns behind him, he ran around the truck and inside. He saw her the minute he stepped in the doorway. She lay sprawled on the bottom steps, asleep or unconscious. Her face was as white as a sheet. Bright red fever spots jumped off her cheeks. Her arms encircled her belly as if protecting the life inside it. Jace swore under his breath. He should have gotten her out last Saturday when he realized Mikey had the flu. Although Darlene, like him, had always been healthy as a horse and oblivious to viruses, apparently that changed with her pregnancy too. The phone laying at her feet buzzed incessantly. She'd never hung up. Jace punched the OFF button, shoved it into his jacket pocket, then strung her purse around his arm. When he lifted her in his arms, she woke momentarily to wrap her arms around him and murmur, "Wait for Jace." "You did good, babe," he said, his throat so thick he barely got the words out. The sight of her sick had the same affect on him as the sight of her crying. He felt, contradictorily, both helpless and aggressively determined to do everything he could for her. Outside, he found the guy who'd been behind him when he double parked. The man Chapter 12

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looked ready to beat Jace to a pulp. Then the guy saw Darlene and swore. He actually opened the door of Jace's truck for him. "She gonna be okay?" he asked, obviously feeling guilty for selfishly flying off the handle. Jace didn't have time to salve anyone's conscience. He got Darlene in the truck, buckled her in carefully and then went around to the driver's side. As he started the truck, he glanced over at her. He'd read a lot of books about pregnancy, but he couldn't remember now if he'd read anything about expecting mothers and the flu. Was Stevie−Jade okay? Did she get the flu too? Touching Darlene's forehead, he found it hot enough to scorch his fingers. Couldn't be good for Darlene, let alone the baby. He pulled out into traffic, then fished out his new cell phone. "Be there," he muttered prayerfully under his breath once he'd dialed Doobs number. The voice that answered "Doctor is in" was so groggy, Jace had no doubt he'd woke Doobs up from a sound sleep. "Wake up, man. I need you to do something for me." "Jace? That you?" "Yeah. Darlene's sick and she's been robbed. I need you to go to her apartment and make Chapter 12

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sure it's clear. I'm taking her to the hospital." "Sick and robbed?" "Just do it, okay?" "Yeah. No problem. I'll call the pigs too, so they can file a useless report, and I'll put new locks on her door." "Thanks, man." "Keep in touch, my brother." At the hospital, the nurse's first question was "Is this your wife?" Jace didn't think about it; he nodded. "Will they be okay?" "Your wife and baby will be fine. She'll need someone to take care of her once we get this fever down and get her on antibodies," the nurse said with a patient smile. Not a great way to start a new job, Jace thought. But he had no choice. He'd have to work from home while he took care of Darlene and the baby. Jace stood back while the doctor and nurse worked. Darlene woke up suddenly, glancing around with a frantic look in her eyes that disappeared when she saw him. "Is my baby okay?" The nurse said something soothing. Chapter 12

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Fifteen minutes later, they were left alone with the nurse's assurance that Jace could take Darlene home soon. Jace moved over to her, surprised when she reached for his hand. Tears stood in her eyes. "Jace . . . I know you . . . Will you take care of us?" Smiling, he leaned down and kissed her feverish lips. "At your service, babe. You just get better. I'm here." She hugged him weakly, uttering a sob/sigh that clutched right at his heart. "I'm not going anywhere, babe. Promise," he whispered.

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Chapter 13 DARLENE woke, rising to full consciousness slowly. She had no idea what time it was, how long she'd been out, but she recognized her own bedroom, her bed and comforter. When she heard the shuffle of paper from across the room, she slowly rolled onto her back. Jace sat at a paper−covered desk she didn't recognize, in a chair that wasn't hers. A closed briefcase was pushed to the end of the desk with a new, multi−line phone sitting on top it. This was her room, she confirmed, but she didn't know where any of those things had come from. They took the place of her dresser and what had been her make−up table. Jace turned toward her and realized immediately she was awake. He got up and came toward her dressed only in jeans. His hair was wet. "How you doin'?" he asked, putting a cool hand to her forehead. Emotion rose in her throat. She had no idea how long she'd been out of it, but Jace had been here throughout it. She hazily remembered him bathing her forehead and body with cool cloths, giving her water that left her wearily grateful, checking her temperature and lying next to her, kissing her forehead and gently stroking her aching muscles. Every time Chapter 13

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she moved, he'd come to her. As tears filled her eyes, she murmured "Thirsty." Immediately, he poured half a glass from the pitcher next to the bed. With the sound of tumbling ice inside the new pitcher, she noticed that the table it'd sat on wasn't familiar. Neither was the lamp. After lowering the comforter, Jace helped her sit up to drink the water. She couldn't believe how good it tasted. "Better slow down. Your stomach hasn't had anything in it since yesterday morning." "What time is it?" she asked, mournfully watching him set the glass on the table. The mere act of having sat up and sipped some water left her bonelessly weak. "About one. You slept pretty much all of yesterday, when we got back here." His hand came back to her face, brushing her forehead, her cheeks, under her chin. She moved against him helplessly. "Don't you have to go to work?" Jace shook his head. "I can do it from here. Got everything I need. Right now I'm just going over the books, seeing where we're at. I've got a mobile secretary. He brings me whatever I need." Chapter 13

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Secretary. Jace had a secretary. And it wasn't a gorgeous, busty, long−legged blond she could never compete with. "He?" Smiling, he nodded. "Yeah. He." Not that anyone would probably notice, given the fever she still fought, but Darlene blushed at her own jealousy. She was too weak to care about it too much though. "I need to call Cherish −−" "She came over this morning. Asked how you were and brought you some flowers." He gestured toward the small vase on the table next to the bed. Darlene immediately recognized it as one of Cherish's own arrangements. Her boss so rarely did that these days. Another vase of flowers stood near it, and she saw the names "Rox & Diane" on the card. She smiled. "Think you're up for some food?" Jace asked, tucking her comforter around her when she shivered suddenly. Her stomach felt hollow and the mere mention of food made it growl. She brought her hands there, running her fingers over the skin as if she could judge how her baby fared through simple touch. "She needs to eat." Even if Darlene didn't felt up to it, she had to take care of Chapter 13

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Stevie−Jade. "But I really need to pee first." Jace helped her move the comforter back, asking if she could walk. She wasn't sure, but she nodded. Even with his assistance, standing drained every last bit of energy from her. "Oh God," she moaned. "I think I'm gonna faint." "I've got you. I'll help you." Tears stung her eyes again at his sweetness. He would have helped her too, even doing something like getting in place to pee. Once her dizziness passed, he got her into the bathroom and she insisted she could handle the rest. He insisted he wasn't leaving; he stood against the sink, at the ready, until she was done. She should have been embarrassed, but they'd lived together a lot and she'd peed with him in the room before. Feeling the way she did, she couldn't manage anything as energetic as self−consciousness anyway. After helping her back to bed and tucking her in, Jace kissed her forehead and said he'd return with food in a few minutes. Darlene fought tears again, finally deciding she didn't have the pep to even cry them. She'd been robbed, she reminded herself. Anything to escape the realization that Jace had left the room less than a minute before and she was already lonely for him. Her dresser, her make−up table, nightstand, lamp, even her clock had been taken. Did she have any Chapter 13

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clothes left? The nightgown she wore was her own. Anybody desperate enough to steal a clock would surely have taken her clothes. So why had her bed been left behind? Where did all these things to replace them come from? Jace had been here the entire while; she knew that. Someone had to go out and get this stuff. The food announced itself with a tantalizing aroma before Jace appeared, and her stomach howled for it. He came in with a breakfast tray she hadn't had before. She didn't recognize the bowl or spoon on the tray either. "Did they take everything?" she wailed, as Jace set the tray on the table, moving things out of the way as he did. "Yeah. Pretty much. Everything but the bed, sofa, most of your clothes and the food." "My clothes are still here? So did they take the box of romance novels in the closet?" she asked unhappily. "You've got a box of romance novels? Why didn't you tell me? I could have had something to do at night since we didn't have the TV." Darlene glanced over at the food. "Where did all these things come from?" Jace sat on the edge of the bed, facing her, and picked up the bowl of steaming soup from the tray. Chapter 13

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"Doobs has been running around, getting you replacements." The dose of guilt Darlene felt didn't improve her health. Their friends had forgiven her for her lack of contact as easily as they forgave Jace every time. She had good friends, and she was sorry now she hadn't trusted them to remain so. Jace fed her a bite of the soup after carefully blowing on it for her. Chicken noodle. Mmm. It tasted like a king's feast. "Why would anyone want to steal my dishes? Or anything I have? I don't own anything of value." "Maybe that's why," Jace offered, feeding her another bite. "I never got renter's insurance. I don't know how I can afford new stuff." "Doobs got all this second−hand. It's in pretty good shape. You don't have to worry about finding new stuff. Everything's taken care of." Taken care of. She'd never allowed anyone to take care of her in her life, not like this. She couldn't shake the discomfort of realizing she had no choice this time. The police would probably never track down the thief. At the very least, she was glad she didn't keep all her money in an ancient coffee can under the kitchen sink, the way her old man had. Hers was safe in the bank. And that money she needed to be saved for the baby's arrival. Chapter 13

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She couldn't afford to pay Doobs or Jace −− whoever bought all this stuff −− back. Jace fed her another bite. "I can feed myself," she insisted, a little embarrassed by his tender attention. She didn't even believe herself. She'd spill it on herself in a second if she tried to do it; she felt too weak. "Just sit tight and let me do it, babe." Blushing, she allowed him to feed her another bite. "This is good for a can." Jace dipped the spoon into the bowl again. "I made it. Followed a recipe and everything. Homemade. Didn't think I could do it." He was good at coffee, eggs and cold sandwiches. As far as she knew, he'd never tried anything else. This was comparable to the homemade soup she'd make. "What did you mean the thief probably took my stuff because it didn't have any value?" she asked between bites. Jace laughed. "Your apartment couldn't have been easy to break into, with all those deadbolts. You'd think with locks that good, there'd be something inside worth stealing. Your thief probably got pissed when he finally got in and saw he'd wasted his time." Darlene couldn't help laughing too, feebly. Chapter 13

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He fed her more until she said she couldn't eat another bite. "Are you sure it's okay for you to be here on your second day of work? What if you get fired?" she asked listlessly. Jace set the bowl aside, then stood to help her get into a comfortable position. While he tucked her in, he said "It's a family company. They suggested it before I could, when I said my wife and unborn child needed me." Her blush and protest were instinctive and not very convincing. Sleep approached rapidly, ready to claim her. "You can't keep telling people that," she scolded without rancor, closing her eyes. "What will they think when you say you're hitting the road?" "Don't go to sleep just yet. You need to take these." He held out some pills. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes again. "Are these safe for Stevie−Jade?" "Doctor's prescription. Not much chance they didn't notice you're pregnant." She took the pills with the water he brought to her mouth. "I don't plan on telling them that," Jace said when she was tucked in again. "Thanks for feeding us," she murmured sleepily. Just before she fell asleep, she realized what he'd meant by his last words: he didn't plan to tell Bandoleers he was hitting the road. Chapter 13

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Now what did that mean? JACE SLID under the covers that night and automatically checked Darlene's forehead. She'd been mildly warm but not feverish all afternoon. "I'm okay," Darlene said softly, shifting closer to him. "But I haven't felt Stevie−Jade move all day. Do you think she's okay?" In the glow of the small nightlight, he could see the fear in her eyes, and when he reached down to feel her belly her hand was already there. "Maybe you slept through it," he tried to reassure her. Her doctor hadn't said anything except that the baby was fine in her protective womb and, with proper rest, Darlene would be too. "I don't usually sleep through her acrobatic performances." She tried for a light tone, but Jace heard her worry loud and clear. The woman was sick as a dog, yet her first concern was still her baby. He loved her for it too. Scooting down the bed until his head was level with her baby, he tapped gently on Darlene's belly. "You in there? Wake up, sweetheart. Your mom wants to talk to you. You don't want her to worry, do you?" Chapter 13

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Above him, Darlene giggled softly. Stevie−Jade didn't give him any of her awesome kicks. Jace rubbed his hand lovingly over the firm mound, then kissed it through flannel. "I think she's just asleep. She needs it now too." When he slid back up to Darlene and put his arms around her, she said "This can't be easy for her." "Or you." He heard her swallow hard while her hands clutched and then flattened against his chest. "I don't know what we would have done without you, Jace. Thank you." Leaning closer, until their faces touched, he smiled. "I like taking care of you, babe. You never let me do that before." She didn't have to say it. When she lowered her eyes, he knew her instinctive thought: I can't, but I had no choice this time. Before she could reinforce the thought, he kissed her, soft and sweet. She sighed after and snuggled in closer to him. "I should probably get back to work tomorrow." He knew she'd suggest it. "No way. You're not gonna be well tomorrow and your boss Chapter 13

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has it covered for you. You don't want a relapse, do you?" This time, she thought of her baby when she said "No." "You've got a doctor's appointment Thursday afternoon. If you're better Friday, that'll be soon enough." She met his eyes candidly in the shadows. "I guess." "Good girl," he said, brushing her hair back from her face and moving in to kiss her again, a little longer, just as soft and sweet. Her sigh was longer, too, and pure music to his ears. Gathering her fully into his embrace, he closed his eyes.

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Chapter 14 "SHE'S AWAKE." Jace grinned at her. "I thought that was her." Darlene's relief made her laugh as the baby kicked energetically under both her hands. When Jace moved his hand to her belly, she lifted one of hers away to make room for him. "Is someone hungry or just glad to be alive?" "Some two are hungry. I could eat a ten−course meal by myself," Darlene said. She felt completely healthy and even more eager to get up out of this bed. Nevertheless, she sat up carefully, just in case. "Think you can eat in the kitchen this morning?" "Definitely! I wanna get out of this bed." Jace laughed. "How about one of my famous cheese omelets?" "I haven't had a famous Jason Radcliffe cheese omelet in years. I'd love one." "You got it." She turned away when he got out of bed, not because he was naked and she was shy around him that way but because seeing him naked today would affect her. It would make Chapter 14

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her love him even more. The last few days, she'd been weak both physically and emotionally. She didn't know how to go back to protecting herself now. Loving Jace and trusting him again would be big mistakes. Yet she did love him and she'd trusted him implicitly for the past couple days. Whether or not she'd had a choice about that was moot. How much sense did it make to trust him with her life but not with her heart? Not much, but there it was. "Meet you in the kitchen," he said as she got to her feet. "Holler if you need me." She nodded with a lump insidiously filling her throat. No, she was not going to ruin this day by thinking about things she didn't want to. Things like I never loved him; I never loved Todd. I just convinced myself I did so I could get Jace out of my system. But it didn't work, did it? No matter where he goes, he's always a part of me and I have to face it when he comes back. God, she'd never loved the man she'd conceived a child with. What did that make her? At no point in time had she ever thought of Stevie−Jade as Todd's child. She hadn't been able to allow that, especially after he left. Stevie−Jade was her child. Now, with Jace . . . . Darlene shook her head, forcing herself to leave the room and her thoughts behind. After visiting the bathroom, she headed toward the scent of breakfast and fresh coffee. Her Chapter 14

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stomach growled. "Think you're feeling good enough that I can run across town for a couple hours this afternoon?" he asked, while she thoroughly enjoyed the omelet he'd prepared. "Of course. I'll probably be ready for a nap by then. I feel good enough to go to work, but I'll take today off, just to be sure." He nodded approvingly over yet another unfamiliar cup. "Then I'll pick you up at three for your appointment." "I'd like to shower, but I don't know if I can stand up that long." The mere act of getting up and eating breakfast had sapped some of her earlier stamina. The weakness of the past few days crept back, although nowhere near as bad. "We can shower together," he said, stacking her dishes and taking them to the sink. "We both need one and that way I can catch you if you feel faint." His tone should have been teasing, yet he sounded completely serious. He wasn't even smiling when he turned back to her. Logical as it might be, she couldn't do it. As she stood and pushed in the chair of the ugly, Formica dinette set that replaced her small but cheap wood one, she shook her head definitely. Chapter 14

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Jace looped his arms over her shoulders. "I've seen you naked before, babe. I've been giving you sponge baths for the past couple days. And if you think I'd take advantage of a sick, pregnant woman, you really don't have a high opinion of me." "I didn't mean that." She meant she couldn't shower with a man who brought way too many memories at the mere thought. A man who made her feel things that a sick person shouldn't feel. Things like sensual heat and desire and pleasure in places she wanted to feel only motherly. Her own emotions shamed her. Instead of saying any of that, she glanced away, muttering "I'm so big. It's embarrassing." Jace turned her face back to him. "I think you're adorable. And sexy. Your body fascinates me now as much as it always did." "I bet it does," she said dryly. Her own body fascinated her too, in some good ways and some bad. "I could take a bubble bath." "I don't think you're supposed to use bubbles. Not good for the baby." "Oh." She already felt herself swaying toward the idea of showering with him, even before he persisted in his rationale. "Come on, it's just a shower, babe. That's all. I promise." Just a shower. Just two people trying to get clean. Back−up in case she felt faint. Chapter 14

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Jace kept his promise. He didn't touch her in any sexual way, made no move to seduce her at all despite the fact that he was aroused and laughed about it. Yet she remembered the showers they'd taken together last time, when they were lovers and she would have given him anything at all. She remembered the way he used to hold her after they made love and whisper things she wanted to hear but couldn't allow herself to accept. She would accept them this time, if he said them. She didn't have the strength not to. Part of it was that her pregnancy left her vulnerable. The other part, the biggest part, was she didn't think she could survive watching him walk out of her life again. She simply had too much to lose. DARLENE SLEPT for awhile after Jace left her to get some real work done at his new job. Then she got up and called Cherish to tell her she'd be back in the morning. While her boss had made the obligatory "Only if you're well . . ." Darlene could hear the relief in her voice. She started to worry if things were falling apart without her at the flower shop, then decided not to think about it. Peeling a banana, Darlene went to sit at the window seat in the living room. Stevie−Jade kicked excitedly at the first bite of banana. Chapter 14

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"Good stuff, huh, kiddo?" she murmured softly, stroking her belly and the little limb that poked up at her through the skin. God, she missed Jace. She missed not sharing this with him. Gone not even three hours, and you fall apart. Yeah, that's healthy. Yet the mere thought of Jace filled her with strangling emotions. She'd trusted him these past few days because she'd had no choice at all. She hadn't been afraid. The need barely formed and he appeared as if by telepathy. Maybe she could trust him. Take the chance that this time he'd stick around. Things were different for both of them now. After discarding the banana peel, she went back to the window seat. Darlene looked down at her belly. Jace cared about her baby almost as much as she did. She saw the tender look in his eyes every time he got near Stevie−Jade. If for no other reason, maybe Jace would stay for her child. Closing her eyes, Darlene allowed herself to form the wish that Jace could be the knight in shining armor she'd prayed to rescue her. A shaky sigh that left tears stinging her eyes escaped just before she heard a key rattle in one of the new locks Doobs had installed. Quickly wiping her eyes, she put on a watery smile when the door opened and Jace came in. He tossed down his briefcase and came to her. Chapter 14

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"How you doing? You look good as new," he said as he sat beside her on the window seat. "Better." She nodded, wanting to throw her arms around him in newborn surrender. God, she loved his face. Gentle, glad to see her. God, she loved him. And she was scared to death, too. Yet, when he hugged her, then eased back to look at her, she kissed him. Gentle, long, happy and a little desperate. She was giving him her heart and she had no idea what he'd do with it. He smiled, looking a little surprised once she drew back. Her first instinct was to close her eyes, just in case he rejected her. But she didn't and he didn't disappoint her. Cradling her cheek in one hand, he said softly "Now I feel all better." Darlene laughed a little deliriously, a lot happily. When he kissed her this time, she allowed herself to close her eyes and told herself it would be all right to fall.

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Chapter 15 DARLENE'S silence unnerved him. Jace had accompanied her into the doctor's office for her appointment, as much by his own wishes as her request, and that was really where her brooding silence started. Before that . . . Hell, before that he had himself convinced she might be coming over to his side. Darlene was coming to trust him again. That kiss just before they left for the appointment proved it. He knew the kiss. It was the one she'd given him following the first one he ever gave her. It was also the kiss she'd given him the night they made love for the first time. Darlene's heart clearly went into this kiss, even if it went with trepidation. When he mulled over the time following the kiss, he couldn't imagine what had changed to make her withdraw. The appointment in itself proved that Darlene was fine, recovering, the baby healthy. After they climbed the stairs to the apartment, he took her keys from her and unlocked the door. She wouldn't meet his eyes, even when he asked "Everything okay?" She went inside shrugging off her coat. "We live in New York. I'm sure my doctor has seen it all." Chapter 15

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Seen it all? He didn't have a clue what she meant. She hung her coat up in the closet. "I'm sure he didn't think anything of the fact that I'm having one man's baby and obviously living with another." He remembered distinctly how her doctor asked if Jace was the father. Darlene almost went out of her way to make sure he didn't get a chance to answer. She'd made it a little too clear that Jace most definitely was not the father of her child. It'd bothered him then, but more now that he knew her motives. Her father had spent his life drilling into Darlene that she was a slut. She believed it too. The situation they were in drove it home like a sledgehammer. No wonder she was so down. She turned from the closet and tried to walk past him without meeting his eyes. Jace blocked her path. When she glanced unwillingly up at him, tears pooled in her eyes and overflowed. Jace drew her into his arms. He wasn't surprised when she struggled out of a feeling of necessity he understood all too well in her. "None of that," he scolded softly. "That bastard Todd, walked out on you. That's not your fault. And we're not doing anything wrong here. Not that it's anybody else's business." Chapter 15

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"I've done everything wrong. My whole life." She pushed past him and went into the kitchen. "Guess that makes us a perfect pair. I've spent my life doing everything wrong, too." Mutely, she started dinner, giving the task her full concentration. The situation was pretty insane. Pregnant from a guy who'd walked out on her. Jace living here, their past. Her doctor had shrugged at it, no doubt having heard just about everything to the point where nothing shocked him. Jace watched her, noting her increasing discomfort. She suddenly slapped down the chef's knife she was using to chop an onion and looked at him. "Do you think I'm a slut, Jace?" she demanded point blank. "I mean, I got involved with Todd right after you left. I mean within weeks. He moved in here and . . . I told myself I loved him when I think maybe I just wanted to love him. Anybody else, you know? And when I told him I was pregnant and he walked out . . . I wasn't happy." She picked up the knife again and started chopping. "But I wasn't sad either. I was scared." In an almost whisper that made Jace feel helpless, she added, "I was scared enough to wish somebody would come and take care of me and Stevie−Jade. I never thought of him though. I didn't want him to come back." Chapter 15

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Shaking her head, she fought the tears that definitely weren't a reaction to the onion. Jace took the knife away from her. She didn't protest, just closed her eyes and stood still. "I can't believe I took a shower with you! I can't believe, as big and pregnant as I am, I want −− That I even think about −−" Darlene talked as if she thought out loud, not realizing she spoke at all. "We took a shower, babe," he said. She looked surprised when he lifted her chin. "We didn't make love like the last time we took a shower together." He laughed slightly. "Yeah, I thought about it. I remembered more than maybe I should have. But I didn't touch you, bad as I wanted to." She apparently didn't need to know that her desires had been mutual because she looked away with such shame, he had to tamp down on a wave of anger. Who he was mad at, he wasn't sure. Jace shook his head. "Things got screwed up last time. Bad. But it doesn't change the fact that we've got a history together. That we have something every time we're together. I can't be here without thinking about that and wanting to be with you like we used to be." Surprisingly, she didn't turn away at his words. "You think it's crazy cuz you're pregnant, but that's part of your appeal." Chapter 15

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Her startled expression almost made him laugh this time. How the hell could she be shocked? He'd stood in that shower with her, more aroused than he'd been at any point in the last two years. He hadn't touched her, but, damn, he'd wanted to so bad he wasn't sure how he stopped himself. Her body was different, full of life in a way it'd never been before. Jace swallowed the sudden dryness in his mouth, then eased her closer to him. "I love her. I love your baby, Darlene, and I want her to be mine. It's not logical at all, but I feel like . . . if we make love, she'll become mine, too." She didn't look shocked this time, or even ashamed or embarrassed. He could hear the emotion in her voice when she said, very softly, "And you want that. God, you want . . ." "She should be mine. I know that's not fair, but . . ." He leaned closer to her, clenching his teeth slightly because he wanted to put the blame somewhere yet couldn't. "I know I made mistakes too, too many for it to be anywhere near fair, but it feels like Stevie−Jade should be mine." Darlene swallowed hard and, for a long minute, she closed her eyes. She didn't need to say it because she looked at him and he saw it, but she voiced it anyway. "I'm afraid, Jace. I can't take chances because I have to think about Stevie−Jade. I want her to be happy, to respect me and to . . . I don't want her to lose things that matter. And then you say or do Chapter 15

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things like that −−" When she shook her head, he captured her face in his hands and pressed his forehead to hers. "Dammit, Darlene, let me in a little. Just a little. Okay?" Her only answer was a helpless sob that had no explanation, none she'd be willing to give. Jace eased his mouth down, a little surprised when she met him halfway in a kiss that wasn't gentle, wasn't afraid, wasn't even self−protective. He let himself forget temporarily that she was getting over the flu and was skittish as hell. He kissed her the way he wanted to in that shower. Open mouth, soft tongues, hands gliding over her sensitive body in places he longed to and she might not have permitted at any other time. "Don't ever feel guilty for anything we do, babe," he said under his breath, when he eased back minutes later. He forced her to look at him with the harsh desire raging in her eyes. "For feeling the same things I feel." "You feel . . . ?" "God, I feel!" He kissed her again, thoughts of making love to her, making her his again, making Stevie−Jade his running around his head. "Jace . . ." Chapter 15

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Her palms pressed against his chest. When the doorbell rang, he wasn't sure what her intention had been. To bring him closer? To push him away? He didn't know what he was doing. Maybe she wanted him too, but she wasn't ready enough not to regret it immediately after. They'd just reinforce her displaced shame. Right now, he needed to concentrate on the fact that Darlene wanted to trust him even if she couldn't get herself to do it just yet. WITH HER cheeks flushed, her body as warm as it'd been when she'd been feverish and her thoughts completely chaotic, Darlene went to answer the doorbell. Until she saw her brother, she had no concern about who it might be. Whoever it was had saved her from something she would eventually regret. Brett moved inside without waiting for the welcome he would surely get from her. He looked even more dark and dangerous than usual. Even the way he walked resembled a caged animal ready to spring. Darlene blushed for a new reason. Brett had no idea she was pregnant and −− unbelievably −− he hadn't noticed at first sight! After greeting Jace as if his presence was as natural as Darlene's, Brett dropped his Chapter 15

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duffel bag and flopped down on the sofa. He covered his eyes as if he planned to go to sleep right there and then. Darlene didn't need to ask what was going on. She knew Brett, knew what drove him, destroyed him, saved him: Rori Mason. Rori had left Brett again. Both Darlene and Jace had speculated that it was Brett who Rori had run away with when she was sixteen. That had been the first and last time Brett had come home because Darlene begged him to. It was the first time he met Rori, despite her age, and he'd been completely blown away by her. Darlene had never seen him act like that over a girl. Her big, cool brother had become a groveling, pitiful idiot. Rori, the daughter of a Christian minister, had barely noticed him. She was too in love with Nathan Jovanovich, who'd dropped her for the girl next door, literally. That was surely when Rori decided to take off with Brett. Darlene had confirmed the suspicion that the two of them were together when she moved to New York City and met up with them through Mikey. Mikey ran the garage that Brett owned as a backup, in case his vagrant lifestyle ever left him penniless and without alternatives. All her life, Darlene had worshiped her oldest brother and not from afar either. Brett had protected her and their brothers and had loved them when he loved few others. He left Chapter 15

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home shortly after they'd moved to Syracuse, a decision Darlene knew hadn't been easy for him. He'd hated their father beyond anything else, hated him enough to kill him. In his absence, their father turned the rage Brett had deflected, as much as he could, on them again. Jeff and Ty and Shane had been furious with him. Shane had eventually forgiven Brett, but Jeff and Ty never had. Darlene never felt anything but love for Brett. Love and envy. She'd wanted to go with him, but he said he couldn't take care of them. He sent them money her brothers tried to destroy, but Darlene kept and hid it for her own escape. Brett also opened the garage in New York City so they would always have a place to contact him if they needed to. Otherwise he never stayed in the same place for long. The one thing Darlene hadn't admired about Brett was his sickening obsession with Rori Mason. Every time she saw the two of them together, he acted extreme. He was either her lovesick puppy or a cruel, violent bastard that Darlene didn't even recognize. Rori didn't seem to stay with him out of love but out of not having anywhere else to go or not knowing if she could go it without him. Brett had fostered that doubt in her, too. Whenever she left, he made sure she left with barely even the clothes on her back. Rori always crawled back in the end yet Brett made himself sick, tormenting himself with the belief that she wouldn't come back. Chapter 15

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"So what's going on?" Jace asked, just as Darlene was about to reassure her brother that Rori would be back. Silly to want her brother to stay with Rori. After all, the two of them had never been happy together. Yet what would he do without her? Brett didn't know what a normal relationship was anymore. He'd convinced himself Rori amounted to both his life and his death. "She's gone for good." "Uh−huh," Darlene said doubtfully. "She's with that preacher kid. The one she's always thinking about, always wanted. Not me." Whatever doubts Darlene had previously harbored, dispelled at the revelation. Nathan Jovanovich. The one thing that could break up Brett and Rori's insane relationship. "He was home. At his parents' over Christmas. Rori was there, too," Jace said quietly. Jace had seen Rori, too, Darlene realized. Seen her and . . . God, she didn't want to think about that, but even when she turned to Brett she couldn't shake the jealousy. "Are you gonna be okay?" she asked. He rubbed his hands over his face and straight back through his long, dark hair. In her lifetime, she'd been told countless times that she looked just like Brett. She'd never been Chapter 15

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sure if it was a compliment or an insult. Brett was one of those men that oozed so much danger and testosterone that to compare her to him was downright offensive since she was female. But they did share many of the same physical features, similar emotional hang−ups. "I'm thinkin' of settling down here. Workin' at the garage full−time," Brett muttered. Darlene shoved down the instinctive burst of laughter that rose in her throat. Brett, settle down? That was as unthinkable as Jace ever settling down in one place for long. Both of them were far too restless to ever remain that stable. Brett sat up, putting his elbows on his knees with a long sigh. Hard to believe, but he looked different. He looked like hell, tormented, and yet something had changed. Darlene simply wasn't sure what. When he reached into the inside pocket of his leather jacket and came out with a pack of cigarettes, Jace did something that surprised her. He took the pack away from Brett. Darlene swallowed hard as she put her arms over her swollen belly like she could hide it. Brett had to be completely saturated in his grief because he still hadn't noticed. And now Jace was going to make sure he did. "You can't smoke in here. Darlene's pregnant." Jace tossed the pack on the coffee table. Chapter 15

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Darlene fought a multitude of emotions as she imagined what her brother might think of her. Those emotions seemed to rush over her at the speed of light. By the time Brett's eyes, moving seemingly in slow motion, had seen the proof, tears stung fiercely in her eyes and strangled her throat. She could barely swallow. Brett uncoiled and leapt at Jace like a panther on its prey. Brett was smaller than Jace, but that didn't matter at all. Her brother literally had the strength of twenty men when he was enraged. Darlene knew his violence was part of the reason he'd left home. He would have killed their old man if he'd stayed even a day longer. And it wouldn't be fair for him to have to go to jail for something their father deserved. Yeah, the instinct for murder definitely had to be hereditary. "You knocked up my sister, now what're you gonna do about it, you son−of−a−bitch!" Brett pinned Jace to the wall like a poster. Darlene's heart seemed to block all the air in her throat as she realized Brett could hurt Jace if he gave the wrong answer. Since Jace wasn't the father, he would give the wrong answer. "Brett, don't. He's not −−" Jace cut her off with a look of conviction and a tone that surprised Darlene as much as it Chapter 15

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did Brett. "I'm not going anywhere, man. Calm down. I'm gonna take care of her." Brett genuinely liked Jace. Right now, Darlene knew that was the only reason Jace didn't have at least one broken bone. Brett had liked Jace even when he found out he'd taken Darlene's virginity. "You're gonna stick around?" Brett demanded, needing confirmation. Jace didn't hesitate. "I'm gonna stick around." Darlene tried to swallow the lump in her throat and couldn't. They couldn't lie to her brother. She couldn't lie to Brett. But the thought of telling him she'd gotten knocked up by some creep who hadn't even stayed long enough to apologize . . . And yet if she let him believe Jace got her pregnant . . . Brett would never forgive Jace if he walked away someday, as he almost certainly would. Slowly, her brother let Jace down, then Brett turned to her. Darlene's cheeks blazed at his shocked expression and under−his−breath curse. He started to say something about her contacting him, but she never had a clue where he was unless he called her. Even if she'd known, she probably wouldn't have called him. She wasn't sure she could take Brett being disappointed in her. Between his shocked staring at her and then the way he came to her and wrapped her in Chapter 15

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his strong arms, she couldn't hold back her tears. Her crying jagged in and out because she was afraid to breathe, afraid he'd say something to shatter her. Softly, he said "Holy shit, baby, you really did it this time." When he backed up to look at her, he smiled slightly. "Never figured you for a mother, Darlene." Darlene bit her lip. "Neither did I. But now . . ." His amazed expression embarrassed her, but at the same time she knew he wasn't disappointed in her. He probably wouldn't be outwardly ashamed of her even if someone did tell him Jace wasn't the father. He'd never made her feel that way, even when he found out Jace has taken her virginity. Cradling her face, he pulled her in again, kissing the top of her head. "Guess I better settle down now. Gotta come around more often since my baby sister's havin' a baby."

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Chapter 16 "HE SEEMS okay about the whole thing," Jace said after dinner, once Darlene's brother had gone. He took the dirty plate she offered him and put it in the dishwasher. "He didn't eat anything. He's not okay," she said shortly. Her tone proved to Jace what he'd had a suspicion about since Brett got there and announced Rori was gone for good. Darlene was mad at him. Jace didn't have a clue what he'd done to deserve it either. Yeah, he'd seen both Rori and Nate "Jovie" Jovanovich, his brother−in−law, this past Christmas and, yeah, he'd known something was going on between them. Apparently they hadn't seen each other since Rori ran away when she was sweet sixteen. Jovie, especially, had acted weird, asking all sorts of questions about Rori and Brett. With the last dish in, Jace poured in the powder, closed and started up the dishwasher. Darlene washed the table almost too carefully, then her hands. She probably wasn't too happy with the fact that her brother −− the person closest to her in the world −− had walked out of here believing Jace was her baby's father. She no doubt also believed he'd walk away someday and Brett would come after him for revenge. Just when Jace thought he had it all figured out, she surprised him by asking "Did you Chapter 16

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sleep with her?" Instead of waiting for an answer, she left the room like lightning nipped at her heels. Like she hadn't wanted to ask yet hadn't been able to stop herself. Jace stayed behind, shocked. She wasn't pissed off about their deception with Brett. She was pissed off that he might have slept with Rori the last time he saw her. He didn't know whether to be annoyed or touched that she cared enough to be jealous. Ultimately, he was annoyed. Hell yeah, he'd been pretty insane this past Christmas. Made a really stupid pass at Rori, one he'd really performed to test himself. Touching Rori had made him think of Darlene. From the time he'd decided to go to his parents' for Christmas, he'd known his real intention was to decide his future. No way to avoid it when he'd quit his job before going home. Sooner or later, he knew he'd come here because he couldn't stay away from Darlene even if being with her eventually destroyed him. He found her in the bedroom, getting ready for bed. For an instant, she flushed, holding her nightgown against her bare breasts, then she turned away to put it on. His body reacted despite his foul mood. "Are you asking me if I slept with Rori when I saw her last?" he asked, point blank. Chapter 16

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She shrugged. "You've slept with her before. Why not, since Brett wasn't around?" Dammit, she didn't think much of him. Brett was a good friend of his. Even if Jace'd had a sneaking suspicion Brett was out of the picture, he wouldn't have slept with Rori because his friend was hellbent obsessed with her. He watched color flood Darlene's cheeks while she fumbled with the buttons on her pajama top. "You sure about that, babe? Sure enough to wager bets?" he demanded. His reaction shocked her. She stared at him as if she didn't have a clue how to respond. "I never slept with Rori Mason." "No way! I know you did. I saw you. Even Nate Jovanovich knew it! That's why he dropped her and went after your sister instead." Jace shook his head. "It was all locker room bragging and he knew we never did more than . . . what you probably saw. She never let me go further than that. I think she wanted to be "pure" for him." Shame at the reminder Darlene had seen him with Rori crept in beneath his annoyance. Ironically, Darlene held his gaze and all he wanted to do was look away. "But you loved her. You could have talked her into it if you really wanted to." A disbelieving snort escaped him. God, she never listened to a single thing he said! At Chapter 16

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least she never allowed herself to be convinced by it. "Love? Hell, I wanted her. Yeah, I definitely wanted her, but I didn't love her as more than a friend. There's a huge difference between loving somebody and wanting 'em." "I don't see it." Definitely. She didn't see it because she didn't want to see it. "You don't? You don't see a five−second victory as any different than I love you, I don't ever wanna leave you, you're the air I breathe?" Darlene had gotten into bed and now sat on it looking down at the comforter clutched in her fists. He went to her. His teeth clenched on the words he wanted to drill into her so she couldn't toss them off like he couldn't possibly mean what he said. "I'm used to women giving me everything I want . . . even when I don't want it. You know that?" "So why don't you take them up on it?" She glanced up at him for a second, and she'd never looked more vulnerable in her life. He'd expected her to be furious or uncaring. Never this. "You know why, dammit. You never believe a word I say, do you? I knew what it meant to die emotionally the day you left Syracuse and told me you didn't want me to come with you. I thought I wanted all these other things. And I went out and did 'em all because I Chapter 16

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couldn't do anything else. You know why I keep coming back here. You know why I can't stay away." He'd started out determined and ended on a note of desperation. She shook her head, and his anger returned to fly around his chest like a shrieking teapot. "All I want is you." Her sob surprised him, especially when she backed up to shake her head again, unwilling to believe it. He knew if she believed it, then she'd have to face she couldn't just go along with whatever happened and not give something of herself, too. "All I want is you, Darlene." Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her. She didn't fight at all. She kissed him back hard with terror. Couldn't push him away, even if her head screamed at her to do it. God, he understood her so well. Because he didn't want her to feel so desperate, he laid her back on the pillows and gentled the kiss, stroking her face lightly as he did. He could actually feel her heartbeat pounding fiercely against his chest. When she calmed slightly, he pulled back to look at her. "All I want is you, babe," he repeated softly, and tears filled her eyes. "Don't be afraid of me, babe. I'm never gonna hurt you again, not like before." Chapter 16

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As the tears slid defenselessly down her cheeks, she whispered "I'm afraid of me. Of what I feel and what I want." "Don't be." "I can't help it." She reached up to wipe away her tears, but he wouldn't let her. He took her hand and kissed her cheeks and her mouth, watching her eyes. The fear was there along with a little glimmer of what he'd seen earlier today −− newborn trust. "Jace . . ." she whispered and then closed her eyes tightly. He knew why she did it too. She wanted him. He could feel the softness of her body as she moved against him until they lay side by side. Her nipples poked against him and she sighed in a strangled way when his hand slipped under the flannel she wore to touch her. Oh yeah. God, she felt good. Different but essentially the same. His Darlene. "Are you planning to breastfeed?" he asked because he'd wondered. Instead of becoming rigid at his question, she nodded and drew his mouth back to hers. Jace smiled through it. She didn't raise any protest when he unbuttoned her pajama top, spreading it wide so he could cradle and caress both of her breasts. In case she was tender from the pregnancy, he kept his touch lighter than ever before. She responded to it Chapter 16

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differently too. From the very first time, she'd been uninhibited. Unbelievably, she was even more responsive now than as a teenager. Her soft, uncontrollable moans drove him to put his mouth on her breasts, and then she went wild as he sucked at her nipples alternately. She pulled up on his shirt, ran her nails over his bare skin, yanked on the buttonfly of his jeans. She didn't finish anything, and he knew he had to be glad of that. His own control slipped faster than ever before. He wanted her naked, wanted to feel her wetness and to enter it, slowly and very, very carefully. "Jace . . .!" He glanced up at her, hearing something in her voice. Tears hung on the edge of her eyelids again. "Did I hurt you?" he asked in alarm because she looked like she was either in pain or extreme pleasure. She shook her head immediately, closing her eyes tightly for an instant. He saw the residue of fulfillment in her eyes when she looked at him again. With flushed cheeks and tears tracking down her cheeks again, she said "My milk came in." Jace looked down and saw a translucent white moisture on her breasts, not just the wetness from his mouth. His first reaction was happy laughter, but he understood she didn't feel like laughing. Her body's irrepressible response scared her. Chapter 16

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"I'm not going to go in labor, am I? Why would that happen? I'm not even eight months' pregnant." Jace wasn't sure if it made him a pervert or not, but he wanted to put his mouth on her again and see what would happen. See what her milk tasted like. Instead, he cradled her face and reassured her what happened was a natural reaction. It didn't mean anything was wrong. "Did you read that?" she asked. "Yeah. It's okay," he assured. "It's sexy." Her face flamed again, but he knew if she hadn't been so surprised and inundated with feelings of shame she probably would have enjoyed it to the fullest. He kissed her once more and his erection pressed hard against the buttons on his jeans. "Jace, I want to . . . I don't think we should . . . I don't want to hurt Stevie−Jade. I don't want to go into labor. It felt like . . . everything inside me shifted down there when −−" She swallowed hard, and he couldn't reassure her this time. As far as he knew, she could go into labor and if that happened Stevie−Jade would be at risk. He didn't want to take that chance either. "Okay." Chapter 16

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When she stared up at him, that little flame of trust grew in her eyes. Jace laid his head next to hers on the pillow. He'd just started to tell his body to cool off when he felt her hand glide down his abdomen and lower. "Babe, you don't have to −−" "I want to, Jace," she said on a shaky breath. "God, I want to." When she said it like that, with that husky catch in her voice and sensual look in her eyes, his protest faded. She asked him to take off his shirt and he did. She asked him to take off all his clothes and he couldn't move fast enough. For awhile, they kissed as she worked her magic. He hadn't been with anyone in a long time and even when he had, they weren't Darlene. No one touched him like Darlene did. No one could love him and make him feel the way she could. Her mouth on him was soft, sweet, driving him slowly and thoroughly out of his mind. He couldn't take his eyes off her until his release came on him like thunder. Sliding up after, she turned on her side and drew his head to her breasts. Jace tasted her milk, sucking hard at one nipple, just long enough to elicit a gasp and shudder from her. The kiss they shared made him bite back the words "I love you." They got up and showered together, changed the bedding and slid beneath the comforter Chapter 16

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nude. Straight into each other's arms. Crazy as it was, they hadn't made love, but he couldn't remember ever being this satisfied just being next to her. Even if she was still a little afraid, he liked seeing that trust grow a little more each time their eyes met. "What are you gonna do when the baby is here?" he asked her in the semi−darkness. "Are you planning to quit your job?" "I can't do that. I have to work. But . . . I wish I could be a full−time mother. It scares me to think that I've only got three months to be that to her. She'll need me longer than that. And daycare . . . I could never do that. I just can't do it. It seems like mothers should have more options than that. I was thinking of asking Cherish if I could bring Stevie−Jade to work with me when I go back. She'll probably nap most of the time for awhile, and then I can nurse her right there when she gets hungry. But that's only a temporary solution. I don't have a clue what do to when she starts needing more than naps, diaper changes and feedings." She laid her head closer to his on the pillow. "I guess we'll just take it one day at a time after that." Jace wanted to say "I'm not going anywhere, Darlene" until she had to face it even if she couldn't accept it. But right now everything seemed too fragile. She wouldn't believe the Chapter 16

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words. Eventually she'd come to trust him based on what he did. Maybe in a couple years, she'd wake up one day and think He's still here. He's not going anywhere. DARLENE turned over to glance at the clock. 1:27 a.m., the red numbers said. She couldn't shut her mind off enough to sleep. Jace slept with one arm still curled behind her neck, the other flung out on the other side of the bed. She was in a really weird place of not being able to reconcile what they'd done . . . with anything. The shame was there, yet the dirty emotion was more about having slept with Todd than intimacy with Jace. Her mind insisted wanting Jace the way she had and so eagerly was wrong, yet being with Jace always felt right. Being with other men . . . that never stopped feeling wrong. She'd never allowed herself to believe it was wrong. She'd convinced herself she had to get over Jace in the most basic of ways −− being with other men. Darlene sighed as she looked at Jace in the semi−darkness. How could she trust Jace? Yet her love for him was helpless. She shouldn't believe anything he said. She shouldn't love him or want him to stay with her forever. Chapter 16

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She started to reach for him and a sudden cramp slammed through her belly. Gasping, she tried to remember if the Braxton−Hicks contractions had ever been this severe. Was it normal for them to be this painful? The cramp passed, and she took a deep breath. "You okay?" Jace asked sleepily, shifting closer and putting his other arm around her. Nodding, Darlene pretended she was half−asleep too. She once again became aware that neither of them dressed after their shower. He was aroused, even though he went back to sleep following her assurance. Her body remembered too much in a long, hot moment. The core of her throbbed and her nipples tightened painfully. For an instant, she almost experienced that terrifyingly pleasurable release she'd felt when her milk came in. Arousing as it was, she had to bite back delirious laughter. Talk about silly and embarrassing. Because she was afraid she'd do something even more silly and embarrassing, she carefully turned her back to him. Instead of relieving her, she found herself in a position that brought her in closer contact with Jace. He wrapped himself completely around her now that her belly was no longer a barrier to getting closer. His erection pressed to her lower back, his hand cupped one of her breasts, his breath blew softly on her neck. Darlene stopping breathing herself, until her lungs burned for air. He continued to sleep Chapter 16

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through it all. Just when she thought she couldn't possibly take any more, another contraction twisted her insides. As she gritted her teeth against the breath−stealing pain, she glanced at the clock. 1:44. Her head seemed to be filled with cotton, but she finally calculated the time since she last looked at the clock, which had been about the time the first contraction hit. About fifteen minutes. No, a person didn't go into labor like this, did they? Her water hadn't broken. And real contractions were supposed to start with hours between them, weren't they? She couldn't go from no contractions at all to one every fifteen minutes. Could she? And then there was the matter that she wasn't even eight months pregnant yet. Had she and Jace started labor with their fooling around? Oh God. Her guilt and fear kept her watching the clock constantly. 1:59 came and went and she breathed a sigh of bated relief. Braxton−Hicks. That was all. Probably a response to stimulation she hadn't had since she found out she was pregnant. Just as she started to drift off to sleep, another painful contraction hit. 2:03. When it passed, she had tears in her eyes and chaos in her head. Shouldn't she wait until another one hit, just to be sure she wasn't imagining this? Chapter 16

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She couldn't. If Stevie−Jade was coming, something had to be wrong. It was much too soon. "Jace?" "Hm?" Turning, she shook him slightly. "Jace, something's wrong." He eased up on his elbow to look at her. "What do you mean?" he asked sleepily. "I had a contraction at around 1:30, then 1:44 and then a minute ago." He blinked. "Has anything else happened? Did your water break?" She shook her head, surprised at the calmness in his voice. He'd obviously been reading up on this stuff. "Let's call the hospital and see if this is normal." She watched him turn on the lamp, get out of bed and find the phone number. He made the call while she got dressed. For some reason, the thought of sitting there naked while she could be in labor unnerved and shamed her. "Do you have the bag packed?" he asked after he hung up. "The bag?" "Yeah. The bag. The one you're supposed to have ready in case it happens." Chapter 16

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"I'm not even eight months pregnant!" she insisted and burst into tears. Jace came over to her, hugged her, then said calmly. "Get some regular clothes on. I'll pack the bag." "So I'm in labor?" "I don't know, but they said we should probably come in and make sure." Darlene took a deep breath that didn't calm her at all. But she took off her nightgown and put on underclothes, pants and a sweater. "It's a good thing you didn't pack the bag," Jace said once he was dressed and moving around the room putting things in his duffel bag. "It probably would've been stolen." Because it was ridiculously true and she couldn't seem to collect any of her thoughts, Darlene started to laugh. Another contraction hit before it fully escaped her throat. "What is that? Not even ten minutes that time." He swore under his breath and moved faster. On the drive that seemed endless, Darlene tried to tell herself maybe she'd see her baby tonight, but she was too afraid to be glad about it. She wasn't ready. Stevie−Jade wasn't ready. God, she hadn't even bought a single pack of diapers yet! What would the baby wear home from the hospital? Chapter 16

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"It's been over twenty minutes since you had a contraction," Jace said at the hospital. Darlene heard the tightness resembling fear in his voice. He was trying to say maybe this wasn't real labor. But she heard what he didn't say −− he wasn't ready either. And what did that mean for her?

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Chapter 17 DARLENE didn't have to say it out loud. Jace apparently saw her embarrassment in her expression. "I'm sure everybody goes through this once or twice. You've never had a baby before. How're you supposed to know the difference between real labor and a false alarm?" She shed her coat without replying. Even if it was true, she was humiliated, exhausted and ashamed of her behavior. Once they'd arrived at the hospital, she hadn't had a single contraction, which led her to the only logical conclusion −− the contractions had come about because of her orgasm. Nothing else made sense. She'd been examined, poked and prodded. No sign of the onset of true labor and, an hour later, she'd been released with the obscure verdict: "False alarm." No one had said anything, but she'd been overcome with the paranoia that they all knew she and Jace almost had sex and they were passing judgment. "Let's get some milk and go to bed," Jace said. While he heated the milk on the stove, he leaned back against the sink, watching her. Darlene's cheeks flamed when she remembered how it felt for the doctor to examine her. A Chapter 17

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part of her had expected him to exclaim "Ah ha! So that's what did it! You've recently had an orgasm, haven't you? Shame on you! What kind of mother−to−be are you?" instead of saying "Maybe you're a bit further along than we estimated." Tears stung, and she started to cover her eyes with her hands, but then Jace slammed down the spoon. "Dammit, Darlene! We didn't have sex, okay? Not even close. I wouldn't be walking around hard as a rock if we had." He'd startled her tears back where they came, leaving her feeling even more vulnerable. "But we . . . I . . ." "Yeah. But I wasn't inside you. It makes a big difference in the satisfaction level, you know?" She blushed, but he shook his head at her like he wouldn't allow it. "Sex is okay during pregnancy. You know that, don't you? You had an orgasm, but I seriously doubt it caused this. Hell, if you're gonna feel guilty about something, feel guilty for sleeping with that sorry son−of−a−bitch who walked out on you and his own kid." The tears rose again. Darlene bit her lip to stop them. "You want me to feel guilty for that?" He knew she already felt guilty for that. Chapter 17

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Sliding the pan off the burner, he said heavily, without looking at her, "No. Shit, I don't want you to feel guilty for anything. It's not a good feeling. But we . . ." He looked at her with his teeth clenched around the words he forced out with pure conviction. "We should be together, babe. And we shouldn't feel like it's wrong when we are." If he set out to seduce her, he did a darn good job. Or she was just plain too tired to fight her own feelings. "Fate?" she barely whispered. "We should be together, like fate?" Swallowing hard, he nodded. His tone was soft. "Yeah. I think we're fated." How could he say things like that? He left. He always left. If he truly believed they were fated, he couldn't leave. The stress of the day robbed her of any fight. Her tears started. "Come on. We're both tired." He helped her put on a nightgown in the bedroom, then held her while she cried and drank the milk. She cried until she didn't have any strength left to continue. After setting the mug on the nightstand, she scooted under the covers as close to Jace as she could get. He kissed her gently while rubbing away her tears with his thumbs. "You're a good mother, babe. You will be a good mother. Nothing we do can change that." She wanted to believe him. Right now, she was too tired not to. "I realized something Chapter 17

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tonight," she said, her tone listless. "I'm not prepared at all. I don't have anything for her. Not even a pack of newborn diapers. I thought I had time. Now . . ." "Good thing you didn't buy anything. Probably would've been stolen." Tired enough to feel delirious, Darlene laughed. "We'll go this weekend and stock up on diapers and baby clothes. Whatever you think we need." The thought of doing those things sent a tremor of fear through her. That was why she'd put it off. Then it'd seem like it was going to happen. No matter what she did, she'd feel unprepared for all of this. She didn't know the first thing about babies. Even though she loved Stevie−Jade with everything inside her, she had the feeling she'd be lost about what to do when the time came. "Do you wanna get the big stuff too? Car seat? Furniture?" Darlene took a deep breath, trying to tamp down on the terror of the unknown. "I wanted to buy this crib . . . It's wood, hand−carved, and the posts come up shaped like baby rattles. The headboard or the ends, whatever they're called, both ends have these pink and blue rocking horses carved in the face." "Sounds perfect," Jace said, and she heard the sentiment in his tone. Chapter 17

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"I could never afford it. I can barely afford a bassinet." Todd had "borrowed" from her ample savings account for so long, it wasn't until her bank called and asked if she wanted to close the empty account that she realized her mistake. She'd foolishly made it a joint account since it made more sense for him to get the groceries. It'd never occurred to her he'd use her money for whatever he pleased. Todd promised to repay her, but he'd walked out on her before he'd ever given her one red cent. Now all she had was what she'd gotten from selling her things and living frugally so she could put everything possible toward the baby. "Everything'll be okay. I promise." Darlene looked at Jace. His face was set in determination. Tonight she believed him and snuggled against him tightly. He felt so good next to her. All she wanted to do was hold on to him and never let go. JACE SLAMMED his fist against his horn when another car cut in front of him. Dammit, Darlene wasn't going to be happy. He glanced at the truck clock, 5:30, and cursed again under his breath. He'd had to run to Brooklyn to take care of a problem at one of the factories. Not for a minute had he thought it'd take him three and a half hours to resolve. Chapter 17

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He was still new to the job, but he'd fixed the problem. If he hadn't run into a major traffic jam heading uptown, he might have made it in time to pick Darlene up at five o'clock. He grabbed his cell phone while he waited for the traffic to do anything resembling movement and dialed the flower shop. Darlene's boss answered. "Darlene already left, Jason. I think she planned to go right home." Cherish's tone was very precise and careful, as if she didn't want to repeat anything Darlene actually said before she left. Jace hung up and growled a string of curses, this time not at the traffic but at Darlene. Hell, she didn't even trust him for fifteen damn minutes. The past two days since she'd gone back to work had been on a precarious level of good between her and Jace. She'd tried to trust him and believe in him. Now he realized she'd been waiting for him to screw up so she could say to herself, 'See? He's not trustworthy. You can't rely on him for anything in the world.' And now he had screwed up. She'd concentrate on that part of it too. Not the fact that he'd done everything else right. He wanted to do something stupid, like he had in the past. To hell with her insanity, her distrust and doom and gloom. Chapter 17

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Even in the past, much as he might be infuriated, he wouldn't have gone. He just got here. The years without her were too close to chuck it so early. This time, he had more reason than wanting Darlene to give in to him forever. There was Stevie−Jade this time and a greater chance than ever before that Darlene might give him her love. By the time he parked and got to her apartment building, she was home and she'd started dinner. She didn't greet him and she tried everything she could to act as if nothing happened. When he caught her gaze for a second, he saw the truth there. His explanation for being late held no meaning for her. She'd truly believed he wasn't coming back. Whatever trust on his credit had been erased without a trace. He understood that to her mind, his exits happened on a dime in the past. One minute everything was going along fine, the next he'd packed and headed out. It'd never been that easy. His sense of betrayal began months or weeks before he got himself to turn his back on her. When he left, it was because he couldn't take another second of her inability to give him what he gave her. Darlene no longer needed a reason for why he'd walk out. She convinced herself either she did something wrong or he just couldn't stick it out. Not once had she stopped to think she might be able to stop him. Chapter 17

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This was no different. When he didn't show up on time today, she must have told herself she did something wrong or he'd finally decided he couldn't handle her situation. Never mind that he'd been handling it well and he'd been the one to keep everything in line for the past week. Never mind his promises. Never mind that he'd never cut out before without giving her a chance to talk him out of it. None of that counted apparently. She barely ate the dinner she cooked. She went to bed immediately after they cleaned up the kitchen, saying she was tired and she needed to get rested up for tomorrow's trip. He heard her crying behind her bedroom door and forced himself to leave her alone for awhile. Nothing he did would reassure her. Not when she was locked in her "Never should have taken the risk" mode. Dammit, he didn't like the feeling of being mad at her and knowing he deserved part of her distrust. He'd acted like If you don't know, then I'm not gonna tell you in the past. His anger and sense of betrayal had been so great, he couldn't get himself to say "Tell me you love me and I'll stay forever. That's all I needed." It seemed so obvious to him, he couldn't get himself to make it easy on her. Walking out the way he had punished both him and her. And it only made things worse and harder because he came back. He'd always come back. Chapter 17

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Yet knowing that, he couldn't even get himself to make the vow he wouldn't walk out this time. He remembered her refusal to give him what he wanted. He remembered that too damn well. Too well to say he'd never feel so much pain at not getting what he needed that he could ignore it and go on like he didn't need it. He needed her love and her words. One word. "Stay." He'd stay and he'd build up her trust in him again. He'd wait for her to give as much as he gave. Somehow he'd be patient, more patient than he'd ever been because she needed him more and he loved her child too. When Jace finally turned off the lights and went to bed, his stomach was as tight as his throat and his heart inside the wall of his chest. As he undressed, he heard Darlene's soft breathing. She slept. Probably all cried out. Never in a million years did he expect to get into bed and have her come to him and curl up in his arms. She wouldn't have done any of that before. Not if it meant giving up a little of her fear of taking any chances. Maybe this time. The tightness inside him released slowly as he held her. He was back at the beginning, no doubt about that, but at least he hadn't lost everything.

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Chapter 18 "THREE'S PLENTY enough, babe," Jace said when Darlene threw another jumbo pack of newborn diapers in the car. She'd read that newborns went through fifteen or more diapers a day. She'd hoped she wouldn't have to leave the house for a couple weeks after Stevie−Jade arrived. Glancing surreptitiously at Jace, she blushed and removed the last pack. What did a baby really need? All she had to go by was the list of things from the baby books she'd been reading. Every one of them had different requirements too. As uncomfortable as things remained between her and Jace, she had to admit she was glad he'd come with her. Her first instincts ran toward going overboard on buying things. Jace had kept her in line all day. They moved forward once more, and Darlene wondered if he felt the tension. Jace never seemed to feel uncomfortable. Not to say he didn't sense when things were just wrong, like now. Since five o'clock had come and gone yesterday, she hadn't been able to shake this . . . God, she didn't even know what to call it or how to describe it to herself. One minute she'd Chapter 18

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eagerly anticipated Jace's arrival. She'd thought about shopping this weekend; she'd thought about a lot of things she shouldn't have been thinking about Jace. At 5:05, Cherish had looked up from her tallying and asked if Jace would be picking her up. Darlene had swallowed hard and mumbled some vague answer as if it didn't matter in the least to her. That was when she'd realized Jace might not be coming. She'd instantly racked her mind to remember if they'd had a fight, if he'd shown any sign of restlessness. When Cherish said, gently, at quarter after five, "That man certainly does seem to follow the wind, doesn't he?" Darlene knew she couldn't stand around waiting like some kind of lovesick fool. If Jace was off chasing the wind again, she wouldn't fall apart. She'd do what she had to do. Her throat had been tighter than something in a vice grip all the way home. And all the way home, she'd prayed he would catch up with her in the truck. Or he'd already be home when she got there. He hadn't been and she'd actually choked out a sob she wasn't sure how she denied. She told herself she was a fool and a terrible mother if she allowed Jace to hurt her again. Stevie−Jade needed her. She would be everything to her child. She didn't need Jason Radcliffe or his easily−made, easily−broken promises. Chapter 18

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When he did show up, her heart seemed to jump out of her chest and she'd been a second from throwing herself into his arms. Her old instincts protected her from going that far. It didn't matter, it really didn't matter and yet she'd cried like all was lost once alone. She couldn't seem to forgive him for what he'd seemingly not even intended. This one act left her feeling like she couldn't get comfortable because he might take off again. And if she let herself believe he might stick around, she'd fall apart when he did go. God, and that meant that she would be more alone than before he showed up, damn him. "That's everything on the list," she said a little nervously. A part of her didn't want to go back home so soon. Then they'd be alone together and that always made it harder to keep her distance. "More than everything. We can leave the apartment after she's born, you know," he teased. Feeling like a bitch, Darlene didn't look at him as she said "I'd rather have more than I need, in case I don't feel like going out for at least a couple weeks after." Good. You're finally thinking of terms of you, just you. You can't rely on anyone else. Yet Darlene didn't feel any consolation for her self−sufficient attitude. And, if she looked at Jace, she knew he'd be hurt by it. Chapter 18

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At the checkout, she watched uncomfortably as the cash register total went up and up. She'd spent so much on just the necessities. Her re−built savings wouldn't hold up for long if there were many more shopping sprees like this one. Without a car, how would she get it all home anyway, especially if she carried a baby too? The idea of taking a newborn in a cab . . . . How did other single mothers do it in a place like this? It seemed unfair of her to ask her friends for help when she'd deliberately shunned them for more than seven months. Jace carried the majority of the purchases into her apartment building, allowing her to take only a couple of the light bags. The tension between them hung so thick, Darlene could hardly breathe. Along with the betrayal she couldn't shake, she felt guilty. Jace hadn't intended to check out of her life on Friday. He'd simply been late. She'd overreacted. She had the feeling he'd be early to pick her up on Monday and he'd also probably call her at some point in the day. She realized her attitude was unfair to him. Yet she had good reason for why she'd jumped to the conclusion she had on Friday. How were they going to get through the rest of this day? This weekend? She unlocked her apartment door and tried to juggled the bags, so she could flip on the Chapter 18

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light. When she managed it, a chorus of voices shouted "Surprise!" Darlene's shock registered first and she screamed in unexpected alarm at the sight of her friends jumping out at her. The "Congratulations Darlene and Jace" banner, balloons, the table piled high with pink and blue papered and ribboned presents finally got through to her moments later. Glancing at Jace, she saw he'd been privy to the baby shower beforehand. He had on a false smile for the benefit of their friends and he wasn't in the least startled. Her guilt started again, just before Rox and Diane enveloped her in hugs. Cherish was also in attendance, looking as uncomfortable as Brett, Doobs and Mikey did. Apparently Diane had insisted they make it into a party instead of a feminine baby shower. "We thought we better get this thing together ASAP after Jace told us about your false alarm. Who knows when that baby's coming," Diane announced gleefully. "You do look bigger than before," Rox said. "When did you say you're due?" "March," Darlene said, glancing at Jace again as he left the room to put all their purchases in the bedroom. Rox took her coat while Diane ushered her further into the room where the men already drank beer. Everyone except Brett, who usually got started earlier than the rest. He hugged Chapter 18

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her with a coke in his hand. "Sorry you caught my cold," Mikey said shyly. "I always thought pregnant women had immunities the rest of us don't." Darlene shrugged. "Can't apologize for a virus. They happen." Someone turned on music. Darlene couldn't help noticing again how Rox avoided Doobs. Every time she looked his way or had to come anywhere near him, she scowled mercilessly at him. Presents, so many Darlene understood why Jace kept repeating she shouldn't go overboard, were stacked on a folding table. As she opened them, she realized she'd be taking back a lot of the things she'd purchased earlier. Gift opening was followed by brunch and cake. Then the party aspect began. Cherish left at that point. The women retreated into the kitchen when the guys started talking about cars. Darlene was relieved to be away from Jace. She felt like she'd been forcing herself to be nice to him during the shower. And when she'd unwrapped someone's idea of a joke −− an XXL size teddy −− she couldn't have been more humiliated. She'd had to laugh that off, but there was no way she could look at Jace through any of it. Her shame for how she treated Chapter 18

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him didn't help the situation at all. As soon as she, Rox and Diane sat down at the table, she asked something that would take her mind off it, "So what's going on with you and Doobs?" Before anyone could speak, Diane uttered a cry and her expression became so stricken, Darlene was stunned. Rox sighed loudly, as if she'd been over this too many times. "I was hoping you wouldn't ask." It was serious, Darlene realized, but couldn't get herself to request more information after her friends' reactions. Obviously unresolved issues no one wanted to rake up were what was "going on." "There's no way to make a long story short in this case, but . . . I forgive you, Di! I already told you that. I mean it." Rox squeezed her friend's hands, but it didn't seem to release Diane at all. Rox turned to Darlene. "We broke up and I hate his guts." Broke up? Since when had they been a couple? Rox and Doobs had a strange relationship. They'd always been close friends, yet they slept together occasionally and for some reason the sex didn't change their friendship at all. It didn't hurt and didn't enhance it. Darlene always assumed there was enough attraction between them to warrant physical acts Chapter 18

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of lust that never lead to commitment. Besides, the idea of Doobs ever committing himself to a single female was as laughable as imagining Brett falling for any woman besides Rori Mason. Darlene realized she stared at Rox with her mouth open in bewilderment when Rox said, "I don't want to talk about it outside of that, but . . . hell, I can't even stand to be in the same room with him anymore. In the same city." She shook her head. "If it weren't for you two, and Brett and Mikey, I'd be history. I'd never come back to New York. It's part of the reason I took a six−month modeling assignment in Milan. I have to get out of here for awhile. Maybe I can get rid of this anger. I'm mad all the time −−" "I'm so sorry, Rox," Diane said under her breath, and Darlene saw tears in her eyes. What did Diane have to do with Rox and Doobs breaking up? Sure, she'd always been hopelessly infatuated with him, but Darlene couldn't imagine what that had to do with this. "I'm serious, Di. I'm not mad at you. It's him. It's me. I can't believe I was stupid enough to think −−" Rox shook her head as if trying to dispel some of the anger. Then she shrugged. "Maybe I'll meet somebody in Milan −−" Something had caught Rox's eye as she spoke. Darlene turned her head toward the Chapter 18

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kitchen entry and saw Doobs standing there listening to them with a very odd look on his face. Rox's anger returned and she stood like a shot. "Maybe I'll meet somebody and screw their brains out before I drop him like trash." Darlene flushed at the extreme level of emotions rebounding in her small kitchen. When Rox tried to walk past Doobs, he caught her arm. She shook him off violently. "Don't touch me, you son−of−a−bitch. Don't even think of ever touching me again." This time she got past him. Darlene's embarrassment and curiosity warred. "Damnation, she is never gonna forgive me, is she?" Doobs said heavily, glancing at the two left in the room. Diane got up with a cry and fled the room too. "I don't know what's going on," Darlene said, her cheeks so flushed she actually felt hot enough to faint. She didn't dare get up. She wondered how much Doobs had heard and how much he'd needed to hear. Rox had been blatantly obvious about her feelings toward him. Her friends were obviously going through as much as she was. Darlene felt horrible thinking she should be partially glad they didn't want to tell her everything. She already had too much on her plate. Besides, they always ended up all right. They could take care of Chapter 18

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themselves. The acknowledgment didn't make her feel any better about not wanting to get involved in the obviously volatile situation. After Doobs walked back into the living room, she sat for a few minutes collecting herself. The party was breaking up and then she'd be all alone with Jace. She should stop punishing him. It wasn't fair this time. She should just be glad he was here now; let the future take care of itself. When she went into the living room to say her good−byes and thank−you's, Jace put a hand on her arm and asked if everything was okay. "Just a little tired," she said, not entirely a lie. "Do you know what's going on between Doobs and Rox?" she asked, once everyone had gone. She wasn't sure why she asked if she'd already decided not asking was best. Couldn't seem to help herself. They were her friends. Even if she didn't have the energy to get involved, she still worried about them. Jace started picking up the trash around the room. "They broke up. I guess they were together six months and Doobs said she started hearing wedding bells so he had to cut her loose." Six months? Doobs with the same woman for six months? Inconceivable! "Wedding Chapter 18

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bells?" "Doesn't sound like Rox, does it?" No, it didn't. She was too realistic and street experienced to be so traditionally minded, especially with a guy with the nickname Doctor Feelgood, something that applied to both his life and his rogue's ways. Diane, on the other hand, was definitely the wedding bells type. "I don't think it was as simple as he made it out to be, you know? Not even for him. That's all I know. What do you know?" "She hates him and Diane feels guilty." Jace stopped shoving wrapping paper into a trash bag and shook his head. "Not much we can do, even if we knew what happened. I wouldn't wanna get in the middle of anything like that." He was right about that. "So, did you do all this?" Darlene said, reluctant to pull down the banner and balloons just yet. Jace shook his head. "Diane told me she'd put it together when I talked to them on Thursday." Chapter 18

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"And the two of us going shopping today worked out perfectly." He smiled slightly, this time without forcing it. "Yeah. I told you not to buy too much." Darlene laughed, but it hung in her throat. "Thank you. You've all been good friends and . . . I haven't had any reason for trying to . . . Well, I shouldn't have pushed everyone out." She didn't know how to say "I'm sorry I was unfair and punished you for being late one day." This apology was the best she could come up with. "I'm grateful for everything that everyone's done for me." For an instant, anger crossed Jace's expression. Then he went back to cleaning up the mess. Darlene took a shaky breath. Apparently now it was her turn to be punished. GRATEFUL? Hell, she was grateful for everything he'd done. Jace didn't want gratitude. He wanted to throw it in her face. She wanted to believe he stayed here out of friendship when she knew deep down it was a hell of a lot more than that. He loved her; he loved her child. He wasn't looking for mere gratitude. When he glanced toward her, he found her ready to run for cover she was so uncomfortable after her semi−apology. Chapter 18

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Aw, be grateful for it, man, he relented. At the very least, Darlene was sorry for misjudging him on Friday. It was a damn sight better than the I'm having a baby. I'll take care of my baby. You don't fit into this equation, buster, and don't forget it again attitude. "I'm . . . I'm going to change my clothes," Darlene murmured, heading straight for the bedroom. Jace dropped the trash bag in his hand and caught her in the hall. "Hold on." She stared at him in confused surprise. "I didn't give you your present yet." "Present? You didn't need −−" "Yeah I did. Close your eyes." He could tell it went completely against the grain for her, but she did it anyway, then allowed him to lead her the rest of the way to her bedroom and inside. The Doctor had come through for him again. Doobs had searched the city for it, purchased it at Jace's request once he located it and he got it up here before the party. Diane had added the finishing touches. "Okay. Open up." Darlene opened her eyes and gasped, moving forward immediately to touch the crib as if Chapter 18

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she couldn't believe it was actually there. She ran her hands over the rattle−shaped posts, the engraved rocking horses, the lace encrusted bedding. "Where did you −−? How did you even know where to look?" Tears clung at the edges of her eyes, just barely reaching her thick lashes. "Dr. Feelgood was on the case. Doobs took care of everything." Darlene turned to him fully, drawing in a shaky breath. "Oh, Jace, you shouldn't have. It's too much. I can't possibly −−" "Don't even say it out loud," he said sternly. She bit her lip as guilt came into her eyes again, pushing her tears forward. "Thank you, Jace. I can't believe you did this." When she stepped into his arms, he had to hold her tightly because he felt like he was losing it himself. "It's for our baby. She's gotta have the best." With a choked sob, Darlene hugged him as hard as he did her. "I'm sorry, Jace. I was stupid. I don't know why I jumped to −− I'm so sorry." Jace drew back to look at her. "Okay," he said softly, simply, and she choked out another sob. Taking hold of her face, he brought her mouth to his. His kiss was hard too, but she gave as good as she got. Chapter 18

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When he let her go, she gasped for breath, forcing him and herself to keep their gazes locked. Then she kissed him again, not so hard, not desperate, and he stopped thinking altogether. Against her own will, she belonged to him again.

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Chapter 19 CHERISH ALWAYS claimed Darlene's holiday window displays accounted for over half of their pre−holiday sales. Darlene usually did the displays at least two weeks in advance. During her illness, Cherish hadn't trusted any of the other designers to do the window, so the task was still waiting when Darlene returned to work. First thing Monday morning, Darlene had started on the first window. Now, on Wednesday, she neared completion of the first window. Huge bay windows protruded from the front windows of the store like mini−stages. She'd come up with the actual concept of the Valentine's Day window displays following the dismantling of the Christmas ones. Just last Thursday, she'd ordered everything she needed to complete them. The first window was the hardest, since she had to take her vision and turn it into reality. Sometimes reality needed modification. The second window was a simple matter of duplicating the first, and she'd have help for that. Darlene stood, realizing she needed to get outside and view the window from that perspective, but when she glanced at the only way out she suddenly didn't have a clue how Chapter 19

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she got into the window in the first place. When Diane said on Saturday that she looked bigger than before, Darlene really noticed she did feel bigger. She felt like she'd gained fifty pounds in two weeks, when she should have felt like she'd lost weight after her illness. Doing this window hadn't helped much since she went home with enough body aches to warrant Jace's nightly, deep, thorough massages. Massages that always led to a little more than that. Although she couldn't allow him to make love to her fully, they'd done everything but. She hadn't allowed herself to feel guilty for it either. As unsatisfying as their partial lovemaking was for both of them, it was better than nothing. She'd loved Jace for as long as she could remember, and even if it couldn't work out again this time she wanted to be with him the only way possible. And being with him was like heaven. His touches, the talking, the planning, his sweetness. He wanted Stevie−Jade to be his baby more than anything. He seemed convinced that if they made love, Stevie−Jade would become his. While she got teary−eyed every time he said that, she knew it wouldn't truly make the baby his. Jace was a romantic. Even if they did make love now, it might not make him stick around indefinitely. Despite their intimacy, she couldn't completely shake her old fears. There was a very Chapter 19

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good chance that Jace might stay. Maybe even stay for years. But eventually, sooner or later, he'd get restless again. Would it be fair to allow Stevie−Jade to fall madly in love with him too, knowing he'd leave them when the wind called and wouldn't be denied? Darlene moaned at the aches in her every muscle and glanced toward the clock. A full hour before Jace got here. He hadn't been late even once since that one time, and he frequently called her at some point during the day. He'd done everything to earn her trust again. She'd even come to expect him to arrive when he said he would, too. Stretching to ease out some of the kinks, Darlene felt a sudden spasm in her belly and doubled over at the pain. Unbelievably, she managed to sit down on her knees during it. The Braxton−Hicks contractions had been plaguing her for the past five days. Although she and Jace still had times when they thought it might be the real thing, they hadn't rushed to the hospital again. Jace timed them, which comforted Darlene, and each time they'd been extremely sporadic. Today they'd been merciless. For a few hours, she'd tried timing them, but finally decided they couldn't be the real thing. They certainly hadn't been for the past week. As soon as the contraction passed, she decided she better take a break. Working carefully, she got her legs out in front of her, then scooted forward to the edge of the Chapter 19

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window. Finally, her feet touched the terrazzo floor. Taking a deep breath, she launched herself up. The movement brought with it a gush that felt like an internal organ bursting. Darlene gasped in shock, quickly putting her hands around her belly as if to protect her child from what had already happened. Her pants, just below the waistband, were soaked. She couldn't have peed her pants; she still had to go badly. Glancing down at the floor, she could barely see her feet. However, a small pool of wetness surrounded her feet. The floor was dark green, which made it impossible to know the color of the wetness. She bent over and put her fingertips in it. Relief flooded her when she saw it was clear, not bloody. Then she realized her water must have broke. Oh God, oh God, this isn't false labor. False labor doesn't include water breaking, does it? All the books she and Jace had read and re−read together became a blank to her now. She was too panicked to try to think things through. She didn't have a clue how much time she had before she'd be in active labor. God, especially since she'd been having hard contractions all day! Why couldn't it have happened when I was at home, with Jace? He'd know what to do. Chapter 19

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He'd know exactly what to do. All I know is I'm terrified. Another contraction, even harder than the last, slammed through her. She wasn't sure how she remained standing through it. Tears crowded in her eyes from the effort. Hurrying to the counter as soon as it passed, Darlene ignored the customer who turned toward her and saw everything with widening eyes. "Cherish, my water broke!" she said softly, urgently, wishing she was cool, calm and in control. She couldn't think straight. All she really wanted to do was burst into tears. Her boss hustled her into her office. Unbelievably, Cherish seemed even more distraught than Darlene was. "What do I do? Tell me what to do." Darlene took a deep breath, trying to control the threatening tears −− at least until she could talk to Jace. "I need my purse. I need to call Jace." Cherish sprinted out of the room. Darlene had never seen her move so fast in her life, and she almost laughed about it. Then she thought of something else: was the baby going to be premature? She clocked in at about eight months along now, but she'd never been able to give her doctor an exact date of when her last period had been. She never wrote dates down about that and the thought that she might get pregnant hadn't crossed her mind even once. Either Stevie−Jade was coming early or she'd been completely off on her rough Chapter 19

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estimation of her last period and she was more than eight months. "I'm sorry I won't be able to finish the second window display or help with the Valentine's Day orders," Darlene said when Cherish returned and gave her her purse. Cherish brushed it off with a literal gesture. "Your baby's coming. This is a time to celebrate," her boss said in a panicked voice. "Call Jason." Finding the paper with his numbers took a long minute and, before she could take the receiver Cherish held out to her, another contraction hit. Darlene couldn't help the cry of pain that escaped her. Cherish stared at her helplessly. In a show of strength she didn't know she had, Darlene grabbed the paper and started dialing before the painful pressure eased. Cherish still held the receiver. Darlene heard her asking for Jason Radcliffe and she waited, watching Cherish until she nodded and held out the phone to her. The minutes seemed to stretch out like an abyss. An old Seventies song played in her ear while she waited, and she was afraid she'd have another contraction before she could talk to Jace. "Jason Radcliffe," he finally answered. Darlene didn't even take the time to breathe. She blurted, "Jace, this isn't a false alarm." "Darlene?" Chapter 19

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"I'm in labor. My water broke and the contractions are coming every couple minutes." He swore under his breath in shock, then said "I'm only ten minutes away. I'll be there in five." STATISTICS were really annoying. Jace watched the doctor check Darlene again, and he thought about statistics. Having a baby was probably safe in nine out of ten pregnancies in the United States these days, yet there was still that small percent that died. What if Darlene was in that percentage? "Everything's progressing nicely. Your epidural is on its way right now." Darlene murmured, "Thanks." Jace watched the monitors, and moved closer to her when he told her, "Here comes another one." Locking hands with him, she turned her face toward him as the pain roared through her again. She already looked exhausted, yet the actual work involved hadn't started. Now he wished they'd taken some classes together. Darlene's nurse had given them a crash course in breathing exercises during the contractions, but he felt as unprepared for what was about to happen as he knew Darlene did. Chapter 19

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Choking on a sob as the pain subsided, she clutched his hand even tighter. "I'm so glad you're here," she said softly. "I don't think I could do this without you." Jace wasn't sure he really qualified as comfort for her. He sat here thinking about death instead of the fact that there was a ninety−nine percent chance that everything would go fine and they'd have a healthy, squalling baby in a couple hours. "I wouldn't want you to do this without me." Their friends were out in a waiting room somewhere nearby. They'd come in for awhile, but even Brett ended up feeling weird about sticking around. Darlene's eyes locked on Jace's. "You'll stay? You'll be here when it happens? When I have her?" She'd never asked him to stay with her before, Jace reminded himself in throat−closing wonder. She wasn't asking for forever now, just for this, but it didn't change how good it felt to hear this much. "I'll stay, babe. You know I'll stay. There's nowhere else I could be now. I need to be here." She started crying weakly in relief, but another contraction caught her before she could calm down. While she didn't say it, he knew she believed she couldn't do this. Chapter 19

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Someone entered the room with a cart −− the epidural man, the man of the hour. Darlene's nurse smiled, patting her hand and seemingly reading their minds. "If you're thinking you can't do this, sweetie, just wait until the epidural kicks in. You're going to feel much better soon."

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Chapter 20 ALL THE pregnancy books she'd read did nothing to prepare Darlene for the extreme level of emotions she went through during the next few weeks −− anticipation, fear, joy, defeat, wonder and, God, the exhaustion. That never seemed to end. It wove around every other emotion, making her life seem like some ethereal fantasy. Actually, the truth of it was that her life seemed to come in small snatches when she wasn't sleeping, feeding and caring for the baby, unconsciously caring for herself. Mostly Jace did that part, in−between working, running errands and caring for the baby too, whenever Darlene needed him to. Stevie−Jade was the tiniest, most beautiful bundle of needs she'd ever met. She'd been worth everything too. Seventy−four minutes after Darlene had the epidural that took most of the pain and left her with a sense of humor for at least half of the active labor, Stevie−Jade made her squalling entrance into the world. She'd weighed in at a glowing eight pounds, one ounce, twenty inches long, with a beautiful dusting of dark, peach−fuzz hair, blue eyes and a little wrinkled raisin body. Love at first sight, Darlene had concluded the very first time she held and nursed her baby. She'd seen the same emotion in the tears Chapter 20

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filling Jace's eyes as he watched them. Less than two days after their little miracle entered the world, she'd gone home with them. All three of them got into bed, snuggled up and fell asleep. They'd spent at least three−fourths of their time together in Darlene's bed. Jace went back to work after the first few days, which had been hard because they'd gotten so used to him being there. He came home every evening, dropped everything and joined them in the bed. His arrival became playtime for everybody. Stevie−Jade was usually awake then and at her most active at that time of day. Then Darlene would get up, take her shower and prepare dinner. The only break in the routine, dream−state of their lives were the few times they had visitors. Her boss and their friends came separately or alone and never stayed longer than twenty minutes. Darlene saw a new side to their friends. She would have claimed without a single doubt that the only one of them who liked or wanted a baby was Diane. Yet each of them got this soft, blown−away look in their eyes when they held the baby. Even Doobs and Brett. Brett actually had to be asked twice to hand over his niece. He'd stared at her like he'd never seen a baby before in his life, yet he'd helped raise Darlene and her brothers. She knew he liked Chapter 20

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kids, even if he'd never admit it in so many words. Doobs had had a strange look in his eyes, and Darlene wondered if he thought about the child he'd given up. If he regretted it. A little more than a month after Stevie−Jade's birth, Darlene woke from her afternoon nap feeling like she'd just come out of a dense fog that had settled over everything she used to know. For the first time, she felt wide awake and, down inside, wondered if she might actually still be the same person she'd been before the baby came. Looking down at the tiny being snuggled against her, Darlene felt soft and happy and supremely satisfied. Stevie−Jade was sound asleep, breathing softly and evenly. She didn't stir when Darlene very lightly stroked her round little cheek. It was only four o'clock. Jace wouldn't be home for another hour or so. The baby was deeply asleep and probably would be for at least forty−five minutes. Darlene decided to take a shower now, instead of after Jace got home. After surrounding the edges of the bed with pillows, Darlene gathered clothes and the monitor and rushed into the bathroom to shower. Despite the fact that she knew the monitor would alert her if Stevie−Jade woke, Darlene showered in two minutes flat anyway and went immediately to check on her. Other than reaching for the white teddy bear next to her, Stevie−Jade slept soundly. Chapter 20

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Feeling a little giddy at the luxury, Darlene went back to the bathroom to get dressed and fix her hair. She even put on a touch of make−up. Toting the monitor with her, she went out to the living room and threw open the curtains. The street outside her building looked strangely different, yet familiar, and Darlene smiled. The snow had gone. That was the difference. The last time she'd looked out the window, snow still covered the ground. Humming slightly, Darlene went into the kitchen to start dinner. No more sandwiches, hamburgers or one−step meals. Tonight they'd have her have baked chicken, real mashed potatoes and fresh corn −− provided they actually had any of that in stock. She did managed to find everything except the corn. She happily substituted steamed carrots. While everything cooked, she flipped through the less important mail she'd ignored. She stopped when she realized she was too eager to see Jace to do anything except look out the window. Every day she looked forward hearing him walk through the door and come to them. Today seemed different. More urgent. More ecstatic. More knock−him−down−with−kisses−the−second−the−door−opened. Darlene flushed slightly when a old warning tugged at her. Should she feel this way? But Chapter 20

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the reasons why she shouldn't resembled something from a lifetime ago. The only life that mattered right now was the one she shared with Stevie−Jade and Jace. This life that didn't feel quite real, yet had become Darlene's reality. Even if she couldn't completely discount the past, she didn't want anything to intrude on her present happiness. Stevie−Jade's cry came through the monitor, and Darlene sprang up like her heels caught fire. As soon as Stevie−Jade saw her, she stopped crying. Darlene changed her diaper, cooing and smiling at the baby's coos and smiles. As Darlene lifted her into her arms, she heard the front door locks opening. Jace was home. Darlene found herself taking a glance in the mirror at herself before she went out. The impulse had to be silly, yet it felt good not to look like something that washed up on the beach and everyone was afraid to touch. Jace's eyes lit up in surprise and warmth when they came out of the bedroom. "Hey, you're up." He set his briefcase on the foyer table. God, he looked good. Not at all like someone sleep−deprived and running on virtually no energy. "My girls," he said, taking Stevie−Jade from Darlene and lifting the tiny bundle over his head. If the baby had been older, Darlene was sure she would have giggled ecstatically. Chapter 20

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"How's my wrinkly raisin? Not so wrinkly anymore, are you?" The love in his eyes, as he brought Stevie−Jade down and kissed and hugged her, left Darlene's throat in a stranglehold of emotion. She didn't try to hide it as Jace turned to her and kissed her in the usual way. Darlene found herself disappointed that he didn't try to kiss her longer, deeper. But the love in his kiss boosted her already high spirits. "It's a really nice day. We should take Stevie−Jade out after dinner and show her off. Try out that new stroller." Darlene smiled. "Yeah. Let's do that." "What smells so good? I'm starving." He put his arm around her, still holding the baby securely, and thrilled her with another kiss, just a little longer and deeper than the first. "You've been busy." She smiled again, wanting to cry because she was so happy, her life seemed so perfect and complete and she didn't even want to consider that the only place to go from there could be down. JACE WATCHED Darlene and Stevie−Jade the following Saturday night; they were all cuddled in the bed together. Darlene nursed the baby and, as usual, Stevie−Jade had her Chapter 20

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little fist curled around his finger. The pride inside threatened to overwhelm him. He'd felt it grow steadily since Darlene started cracking jokes once she'd had the epidural in the hospital. She was so good with Stevie−Jade. Used to be he couldn't imagine her with a baby, no way. Now he couldn't imagine her without this little package of pure sweetness. Other emotions had increased too, and he couldn't decide if it made him a pervert or not. If he'd been a pervert lusting after a pregnant woman, what did lusting after a brand new mommy make him? For the first few weeks after Stevie−Jade was born, he'd been too tired to even think of that. Lately, though, every time he looked at Darlene he found himself wanting her. Every time he kissed her, he wanted to kiss her in a way that wasn't gentle or platonic. And each and every time she nursed the baby, he found the act equal parts tender and sexy. She finally had the breasts she'd always longed for and he wasn't pure enough to see her as only a mother rather than a woman. A beautiful, vital woman. The woman he loved more than life itself. "Guess we didn't need that crib," Jace said softly. They hadn't used the thing even once since they brought the baby home. Chapter 20

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She glanced up with a smile that made his throat tighten. "We will. Someday." Her gaze returned to Stevie−Jade nursing contentedly and beginning to reach that drowsy state. "Her face is so adorable when she's nursing, isn't it? She's so content. Have you ever seen anyone more content in your life?" Yeah, he had. The baby's mother definitely qualified. Jace smiled, stroking Stevie−Jade's itty−bitty hand loosening its grip as sleep claimed her. "She looks just like you. I think her eyes are turning brown now." Darlene graced him with her beautiful eyes again. "You think she looks like me?" The obvious pleasure came through in her tone. "Yeah. You're the most beautiful girls in the world. My girls." Because he couldn't stop himself this time, he leaned forward, kissed Stevie−Jade's velvet soft temple, then Darlene's velvet soft mouth. He didn't try to keep it mild and platonic, the way he had for the past month. With his fingers, he stroked her cheek, her hair, her chin beneath her bottom lip as he kissed her. Her eyes opened wide with surprise when he drew back. He couldn't believe she'd honestly been unaware of how much he wanted her, especially in the past couple days. He had two tracks his train of thought ran on lately: coming home to Stevie−Jade and Darlene, Chapter 20

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and being alone with Darlene. The last few days, he'd even wondered a few times if Darlene wanted him, too. When he got home, she was always showered and glowing, dinner ready, along with an exuberant welcome waiting for him. When could they be alone anyway? They were both tired most of the time since Stevie−Jade hadn't yet slept through the night. Was it even safe for them to make love so soon after Darlene had given birth? Impossible as it seemed given their run−down states, he still looked at her with desire. He gently caressed her hair, which was rapidly growing back. Long, wispy bangs swept over her forehead, barely touching her eyebrows. He found himself turned on even more by it. After disengaging Stevie−Jade, Darlene tucked the blanket around the sleeping baby, kissing her gently. Jace saw the color in her cheeks when she glanced up at him to say goodnight. She reached back to turn off the lamp on her side. Before she could do that, he kissed her again and this time she responded without surprise. She responded as if she was saying 'I want you too, so bad I can't stand it. Hold the thought.' And he somehow had to be patient enough to do just that. Chapter 20

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Chapter 21 WITH ONE last look at Stevie−Jade, Darlene stole out of the room. When she reached the kitchen, she felt like she'd gotten away with some great coup. Jace stood in the kitchen, leaning against the sink and drinking coffee. He'd obviously showered recently. "She's still asleep?" he asked in surprise. Darlene held up the baby monitor in victory. "I can't believe it. She slept through the night! I just nursed her because I had to, I was so full. She went right back to sleep. I even put her in her crib." Smiling, Jace took the monitor when she held it out to him. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to indulge in a long, hot shower and I'm actually going to use soap from head to toe!" She heard him chuckling as she left the room and smiled herself. Once in the bathroom, she undressed but stopped her mission long enough to look at herself in the full−length mirror attached to the back of the door. She'd lost almost all the weight gained through pregnancy, not through exercise but just plain fatigue. While she needed a lot of toning, she liked the way she looked. The sheer Chapter 21

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size of her breasts made her waist seem much smaller than it probably was. Looking at herself, she remembered the look in Jace's eyes last night when he'd kissed her and then kissed her again as if he wanted to make sure she knew it wasn't a simple good night thing. Jace wanted her. She wasn't the only one coming out of the fog they'd been in. They both wanted more than to sleep and to take care of the baby. Darlene grabbed a towel, shaking her head and scolding herself as she got into the shower. She was truly up to her ears in nursing, changing diapers and trying to catch enough sleep to feel human. She actually had the energy to even think about sex? Giggling, she slid the frosted glass door closed and indulged in five full minutes of lathering up with more soap than she'd used in a month. A noise outside the shower made her eyes snap open. Was Stevie−Jade awake? Force of habit had her reaching to turn off the shower. No, Jace could get it, she decided at the last minute. He was probably already there. Closing her eyes again, she ducked under the hot spray again. Another noise came again, and this time saw the frosted glass door opening and Jace stepping inside. She didn't gasp. Had she been expecting him? Swallowing hard, she realized she was Chapter 21

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already aroused, even before he stepped under the spray with her and put his arms around her bare waist. Bare everything. His naked body felt hard and cold, and she clamped down on a burst of laughter to ask "Is Stevie−Jade awake?" He shook his head, moving in to kiss her. Darlene felt herself falling fast into a desire that seemed older than time and yet brand new and amazing. "We'll know if she wakes up. The monitor's right out there," he assured her, barely taking his mouth away. She took the assurance; she needed it yet pulled him back to her immediately. A small part of her insisted she should protest this, should feel guilty for it. She couldn't and didn't want to. Jason Radcliffe was her love. Her first love. Only love. While she'd never have admitted it at the time, every other man she'd ever been with had been a substitute for this man. She'd never stopped loving Jace, hard as she'd tried. Every time he left, her misery drove her to try forgetting him any way she could. What that made her, she didn't know. She was tired of speculating about it. She loved Jace, now and forever, and she wanted to be with him. Jace's hands slid easily over her wet body. She almost giggled again, she felt so happy. She was glad her breasts were as empty as they could possibly be. But then he buried his Chapter 21

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face in them and she didn't feel like laughing at all. After a moment of weirdness (I'm a mother and these things are the milk jugs from which I feed my child!), everything faded away except his mouth and his hands and the soft, sexy things he murmured. When he moved up and kissed her, he surprised her by saying, "Do you wanna get out of here?" instead of "Do you want to make love right here and now?" Feeling her cheeks fire with heat and her body screamed in frustration, she stared at him. "You mean . . . you don't want −−?" He hugged her even closer, not smiling because she could tell his need was too great. "I do want. I want room and comfort and dry . . . I want all of you." "I want you too," she said softly, and he kissed her again uncontrollably. It always surprised her how potent kisses could be with him, the same way they'd been when they were teenagers and kissing was the be−all, end−all of existence. Kissing other men had left her bored and she generally avoided it. She couldn't get enough of Jace's mouth. They checked on Stevie−Jade before sneaking out of the bedroom. In the living room, Jace tossed the cushions off the sofa bed, hitting a stack of books that consequently crashed to the floor. Chapter 21

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They waited a full minute in terror to see if they'd awakened the baby. When no cry came from the baby monitor, they shushed each other and worked together trying to wrestle the sofa bed out. They were both laughing as quietly as they could when they finally had it all laid out. As soon as Jace climbed in on top of her, Darlene stopped laughing and gave herself up to his kiss again. "God, I want you. I've been crazy." He looked down at her, and his expression was both boyish and all−man. "You have?" she asked in pleasure. His grin followed hers. "Babe, you must be tired if you didn't notice." She laughed, smoothing back his hair. "I noticed. I just thought I was suffering from sleep depravation . . . although that doesn't explain why every time you even look at me lately, I'm ready to jump your bones." He curled his hands around her head, easing so close her thighs helplessly opened to him. "Well, don't forget the rest of me when you do," he murmured. They kissed again, and Darlene wrapped her legs fully around his waist. When his mouth went on a search mission down her neck, she saw a box of condoms and a tube of Chapter 21

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lubrication next to the monitor. Obviously he'd decided to be ready just in case. Darlene smiled, relieved he was taking care of her again. She didn't want to worry about pregnancy again so soon. The fear they could be interrupted any minute stopped her from doing anything except concentrating on him. Tugging him back up, she flipped him on his back with his full cooperation. She kissed him with all the pent−up needs she'd had inside of her seemingly forever. He groaned as she slid her mouth over his chin, his nipples, the rigid muscles in his stomach. When she came to a pattern of freckles that made a perfectly straight diamond, she smiled nostalgically. How could they have already spent a lifetime together if they weren't meant to be together a lifetime? Tears stung her eyes, and she avoided them by brushing her mouth against the tender skin between his pelvic bones. "Ah, babe, keep in mind that I haven't done this for years and I've been wanting you a hell of a lot longer." "Years?" She smiled against the satiny skin of his erection, then lower. He sat up and dragged her up his body again until she straddled his lap. "I wanna make love to you, not just play this time." Chapter 21

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Her most feminine part quivered against the heat of his arousal, especially when he cupped her breasts and coaxed her nipples out for his mouth to claim. He brought her body to the fevered state they'd indulged in as their only course in the short weeks before she gave birth. When he finally entered her, very slowly and gently, there was only a twinge of pain that he made her forget with a deep kiss, like the ones they'd shared as young lovers. Their eyes met as their bodies worked together sensually. She understood the meaning in his gaze the way she had when they first gave themselves to each other. You're mine and I'll be good to you. You'll never regret being mine. I promise. Now she took it for what it was, trying not to think of the future or even the commitment a promise assumed. He'd let her get away with that when they'd been kids. This time . . . . Watching his fulfillment brought tears to her eyes and the words You're mine and I'll be good to you rose in her throat, demanding to be spoken. Her own fierce orgasm saved her temporarily. Jace held her head and stared down at her only an inch away. "I love you, Darlene." Darlene closed her eyes as everything inside of her rushed forward in the tormented need Chapter 21

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to return what had been true from the moment she met him. But that need was overshadowed with an ugly memory: A soft, shuffling sound in the darkness, suddenly and painfully awake and the beat of her own heart hurting her eardrums as she listened for what had woke her. But it was no longer a sound. It was a feeling so overwhelming, she couldn't breathe. Eyes bearing down on her from nearby. A presence just outside her door. No. Not again. She wanted to scream, to cry, but that only came when the door closed with barely a click and the presence shuffled away. And even as the sobs wracked through her chest, ripping her apart, she hadn't been able to allow herself to make a sound . . . . The sob did escape now, bursting from her angrily, in utter terror. Darlene pressed her face to Jace's chest, hugging him so tightly because she was afraid he wouldn't be there again when she needed him. He wouldn't be there to take away the dirty feeling inside her and the insanity not knowing why brought. "Jace, please don't let me go," she begged, hating herself for not being able to give him what she wanted to more than anything in the world. JACE FOLDED his hands, one over the other, and pressed his mouth against them. Despite all the stolen moments he and Darlene had taken together, making love like Chapter 21

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teenagers again, he couldn't shake this sense of wrongness. Wrongness and, crazy −− foreboding, as if something sneaked up behind them. He didn't expect the words "I love you, Jace" to come flying out of her mouth after close to thirty years of denying it. And even though he strongly believed she wanted to tell him, it didn't make it easy to do without. She'd showed him today, in every way she could, that she did love him. She'd been sweet and open and affectionate. Wasn't a hell of a lot he could do other than accept what she could give. The alternative to accepting it was leaving and he didn't even want to consider that. He'd wondered if proposing to her would seal things, but he realized even if she accepted the proposal and married him she might not give him the words he needed. They were in too precarious of a place right now to rush anything. So what did he do with this vague sense of unease? He couldn't seem to shake her reaction to his confession of love. She'd checked out for a long minute and then she'd reacted like someone had threatened her, scared her to death. For that reason, he hadn't forced anything. He just held her and let her do what she had to do. Sighing deeply, he told himself to get up, make them something to eat because Darlene would be out soon after nursing Stevie−Jade for her afternoon nap. He went into the Chapter 21

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kitchen and opened the fridge. Shaky as things were, he definitely looked forward to being alone with Darlene again. Darlene came out carrying the baby monitor as he put together sandwiches. He reached for her as soon as she set their lifeline to Stevie−Jade on the counter. Moaning, she wrapped her arms around him eagerly. "We might have to run an errand to the drugstore tonight," she said, and he smiled at her. The doorbell rang just before they could come together again. Darlene made a grumpy face. "I'll get rid of 'em." She nodded approvingly, letting him go. Jace unlocked and opened the door, expecting Doobs or Brett to be there, someone he could easily say "Not a good time. I'll call you later." Instead he opened the door to a stranger who somehow managed to be completely recognizable to him. Todd Roziminski. Tall, lanky with unruly hair and a three days' growth of hair on his face. Jace had seen him once in his life and he'd never forgotten him. Not when he'd had visions of beating the guy's face until it was beyond recognition even to his own mother. "Who is it?" Darlene called from the kitchen. Chapter 21

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Jace found his teeth clenched too hard to even answer. He just stood staring down their visitor mutely. Darlene came out and peeked around him. Under her breath, she muttered "Oh my God" when she saw the unworthy father of her child. Telling himself he shouldn't feel it, Jace couldn't control the jealousy making him want to become a violent man. No matter how stupid this guy was, it didn't change the fact that he'd conceived a child −− a child Jace loved with all his heart −− with the woman Jace loved. That jealousy grew when Darlene didn't immediately shout "Get out of here! I don't ever want to see you again!" She stared at Todd like she was confused. She said "What are you doing here, Todd?" in that same confused way, instead of the state−your−business−and−then−get−out Jace needed. No way! No damn way would he stand for this. Darlene and Stevie−Jade belonged to him. This slackass couldn't just step in now, too little, too late. No way. Looking uncomfortable, the jerk shrugged. "Heard you had the baby. Thought maybe . . . Maybe I should at least see it." "Her," Jace grounded out instinctively between his teeth. Todd never even glanced his way. Facing Darlene and only Darlene, he said meekly Chapter 21

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"You had a girl?" Darlene nodded tightly. Jace wanted to read her expression, but she wouldn't look at him either. Hell, she wasn't thinking of letting the jerkoff in, was she? No sooner had he thought it than she stepped back and invited Deadbeat Dad in. As she closed the door behind him, Todd acknowledged Jace by saying "Jason, isn't it?" He held out his hand, but Jace refused to shake it. He felt a snarl starting in his chest and tried to stop it for Darlene's sake. She apparently had something she wanted to say or do; otherwise she wouldn't let him in. "Thanks for taking care of . . . Darlene and −−?" Todd looked pointedly at Jace, as if willing him to fill in the blank for him. Jace refused to give anything. "Stevie−Jade," Darlene said softly. Slowly, Todd repeated his daughter's name, obviously liking the way it sounded. That only infuriated Jace more. "Where is she?" "Asleep," Jace said in no uncertain terms. Darlene wouldn't think of waking Stevie−Jade for this bozo, would she? Chapter 21

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Turning away from him, Roziminski said to Darlene "Think we can talk? Privately?" Jace's visceral reaction was to put his foot down. He had some say in this, didn't he? What exactly was his position in his all this? Where did Darlene see him fitting in? Biting her lip, she glanced at him and said "Would you mind checking on Stevie−Jade?" Hell, the irony of this jackass showing on today of all days wasn't lost on Jace. Darlene had given herself to him today. Regardless, she couldn't possibly be dumb enough to fall for this guy a second time. Sure, Roziminski was the father, but as far as Jace was concerned that fact was merely a technicality. He let Darlene have her chance to say and do what she needed to. Closing the bedroom door behind him, Jace moved over to the crib and glanced down at his little angel. Stevie−Jade curled on her side. Her long lashes lay against her pudgy cheeks and her fist closed around a scrap of blanket. Jace stroked that fist gently and she did exactly what he expected −− she opened and then closed her tiny fist around his finger. You know me, raisin. I'm your daddy. His heart hurt when he thought about anybody else taking over that role, and he leaned down and kissed Stevie−Jade's possessively sweet fist.

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Chapter 22 AS QUIETLY as she could, Darlene opened the door of the bedroom and smiled when she saw Jace looking lovingly down at Stevie−Jade. There was something more desperate in his expression than love and that touched Darlene, too. She moved around the crib, saw the baby slept angelically, then put her arms around Jace from the back. Without turning fully, he glanced down at her. "How are you?" she asked gently. The past five minutes couldn't have been fun for him, especially judging from the borderline fear in his expression as he looked at Stevie−Jade, as if the thought of losing her had become a possibility. This time Jace did turn to her and he looked like he wanted to strangle her. "What's going on?" he demanded in a harsh whisper. What's going on? Darlene could have laughed or screamed. Instead she shook her head and said simply "I can smell him a mile away now." "What does that mean?" Jace demanded. Because she was afraid they'd wake Stevie−Jade if they continued the conversation next to her crib, Darlene led the way out of the bedroom, into the kitchen. Chapter 22

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"What did he say?" Jace asked immediately. Darlene pursed her lips at the memory. "He said he got to thinking after you claimed the baby was yours −− God, I should be mad, but it was so lame! I knew what he was gonna say as soon as I saw him at the door." Shaking her head, she picked up a slice of the tomato from one of the sandwiches Jace had prepared. "What was so lame? What did he say?" Darlene could see Jace's teeth clench. There was no reason for him to be this upset. "He said he wanted to come back; he couldn't help financially since he's still living on comp and can't get a job with his bad back." Jace snorted the way Darlene had wanted to as Todd stood there, feeding her his usual line of bull and expecting her to be sympathetic toward him. She knew his "bad back" hadn't prevented him from doing any of the things he did with her money −− ski trips, annual flights to the Indianapolis 500 to sit for hours in those unforgiving stands, buying a classic car he tinkered with constantly, inside, outside, underneath. As Darlene devoured the tomato slice angrily, she said "I knew he was just trying to get me to support him again. He doesn't care about us at all. He's down on his luck and he'd cut Chapter 22

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out as soon as someone suggested he take some responsibility." Jace muttered "Prince." For a moment, Darlene wondered if that described Jace too, but nothing inside her allowed the thought. Jace was so, so different from Todd, he was completely on the other side. Jace cared about them, he cared for them, never mooching but paying more than his share. He loved them too. She didn't know why he'd left in the past, but he loved her and he loved Stevie−Jade now. He was nothing like Todd. "I told him Stevie−Jade doesn't need him and I certainly don't. I told him to get out and never come back." Darlene bit aggressively into a slice of cheese. "He didn't even ask to see her before he went. Can you believe that? God! I can't believe I didn't see him for what he was right from the start!" "I can't believe it either." Unable to help herself, she smiled at Jace's heat−seeking jealousy. He'd been so obvious about it and she loved him for not trying to be "brave." "I'm sorry you were put through that." Jace moved closer, enclosing her in his arms. "Why was I put through that?" She finished up the cheese before returning his embrace. "I don't know. I guess . . . I Chapter 22

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guess I felt a little guilty." He burst out with a snort of surprise. "You felt guilty? What the hell do you need to feel guilty about? He's a complete jackass." Leaning her forehead against his chin, Darlene closed her eyes. More crimes. How many crimes can you commit before someone finds out? "I didn't put his name on her birth certificate. I couldn't. I know it's probably illegal, but I couldn't do it. There was no way he deserved that honor. You know?" That had been quite a moment for Darlene, too −− realizing that for the first time in her life, she believed she was worthy of something. She deserved to be Stevie−Jade's mother. She was a good mother. Jace tilted her face up to his. "I'm glad you didn't." The kiss that followed was soft as velvet, and Darlene pulled herself up into it anxiously. "I think we still have a little time before the princess wakes up." "Thought you were hungry," he said on a grin. Her voice was as smoky as the thought of being with him again. "I am." Jace led her into the living room and made love to her possessively on their love nest. Her need to tell him she loved him more than life itself was strong enough to bring tears Chapter 22

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again. This time, she let him see them instead of fighting or hiding them. He stared up at her in pleased astonishment, touching her face as she laughed emotionally. Stevie−Jade's cry roused them both as if they were Pavlov dogs. A couple hours later, after the baby calmed and the two of them devoured the sandwiches, they all lay on the living room floor together. They'd set up a playmat for Stevie−Jade to check out the scene from her tummy. Jace and Darlene lay next to her, across from each other. The baby made squealing, cooing noises that made them both laugh. "We're good at this," Jace said suddenly. "We're good at being parents." Darlene couldn't help smiling and reaching across the mat for his hand. He took hers, turned it over and brought it to his mouth. When he kissed her palm, a shiver went through her that he felt. "Good thing I just nursed her." Shaking his head, he grinned. "I love it when you talk dirty." A MONTH later, just days before Darlene was scheduled to go back to work, Jace Chapter 22

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watched her from the windows of the apartment. She'd insisted she wanted to walk; the fresh air and exercise would do her good. She planned to ask her boss if it was okay to bring Stevie−Jade to work with her for awhile. Darlene was sure she'd have no trouble getting Cherish to agree since the baby still slept so much and didn't cry excessively. She'd sit in her carrier and contentedly watch her mom work when she was awake, which was what she generally did anyway at home. Jace had taken a couple hours off work to stay with Stevie−Jade during her afternoon nap, so Darlene could have time for this. Leaving the window, he picked up the mail and sorted through it, wondering if he should call his parents. He hadn't called them once since he left there to come here. He wanted them to meet Stevie−Jade, someone they didn't have to actually know wasn't their grandchild. He wanted Stevie−Jade to have grandparents. No way would Darlene ever go back to Syracuse. Even something as life−altering as having a baby hadn't changed her mind about that. An envelope marked "New York Department of Public Health; Bureau of Vital Records" made him stop shuffling disinterestedly through the mail. Darlene had vaguely mentioned filling out the birth certificate for Stevie−Jade and leaving Roziminski's name off. Chapter 22

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Jace's curiosity got the best of him and he opened the envelope. The card inside read: Certification of Birth Name: Stevie−Jade Foxx Radcliffe Jace stared at it in shock for a long moment, then, still in disbelief, scanned down: Mother's Maiden Name: Darlene Suzanna Foxx Father's Name: Jason Edward Radcliffe Over and over he read the certificate and it was the same each time. Darlene had named him as the father of her child. God, when she'd said she couldn't bear to put Roziminski's name, Jace never for an instant considered she might put his. He'd assumed she'd left it blank. His chest felt crushed with emotion. Even when he took deep, calming breaths, he had tears in his eyes. Very carefully, he put the card back in the envelope and then put the envelope in the Chapter 22

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drawer of the foyer table. Then he checked on Stevie−Jade, feeling even more possessive than usual. She was the daughter of his heart, and now legally Darlene had given him the honor of naming him as her biological father. No one would ever have to know differently. And he couldn't imagine Roziminski ever having the accountability to step forward. Darlene loved him. She wanted him to stay with her and Stevie−Jade. She couldn't say it yet. Right now, Jace didn't even have the urge to call her on it. He dialed his parents' number with his heart thumping wildly. Predictably, his mother scolded him for not calling for so long. But then he gave her the thing she'd been asking for from him almost as long as she'd been asking the same of his sister. Jenna had lived up to their every ideal and died with the kind of honor Jace wasn't sure he'd ever get from them. How Darlene would react to finding out he'd told his parents about the baby, Mr. And Mrs. Radcliffe, Senior finally had the second grandchild they longed for, Jace wasn't sure. Somehow he'd make her understand he needed all the family he could get.

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Chapter 23 BEING OUTSIDE alone was a radical thing. Darlene hadn't realized just how attached she'd become to her baby, her apartment, to Jace and her life there with them until she disconnected from it all temporarily. She and Jace had brought Stevie−Jade outside quite a bit, but they were always all together during those times. She felt strange now, a little guilty for missing them. Yet she swung her arms when she walked, smiling to herself and greeting the world like she'd just been welcomed back into it. Not that she was ready for longer than an hour away, she conceded as she entered the park, heading toward Cherished Flowers. She probably wouldn't even be ready for a night out alone with Jace for awhile yet. That was OK; they had time. She had no doubt her boss would agree to her bringing Stevie−Jade to work with her for awhile. Since Darlene mainly worked in the back room, the baby wouldn't disrupt customers if she cried or when Darlene nursed her. The only thing she had problems reconciling −− and was afraid Cherish would ask −− was how long? She couldn't even answer that herself. If she did, it might mean a course she wasn't sure she was ready for. Chapter 23

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For as long as she could remember, Darlene had loved her career. She'd wanted to be a success, to make Cherish's shop a place known for its gorgeous floral designs. And deep down Cherished Flowers belonged to her as much as it did to Cherish. Together the two of them had made it a success. The stake Darlene had in the shop wasn't financial but emotional. She loved it and felt responsible to it and Cherish. Now, however, there was Stevie−Jade. Never in her life would Darlene have guessed she'd not only love being a mother but that she might actually be good at it. That she might want to do it full−time. God, she didn't want to tell Cherish that. Once Stevie−Jade was too old to sit quietly in her carrier and watch the world going on around her, when bringing her to work was no longer an option, there remained only one course Darlene could take. She wanted to be a full−time mother to her child. While Darlene couldn't conceive of not working and there were still a few lingering doubts that Jace would be there for them, she'd actually considered it. She wasn't ready to tell Cherish any of that and certainly not Jace. She could barely get herself to think about it for long. The prospect was too far in the future and too scary to allow it to dwell in her consciousness enough to sort through. Chapter 23

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Somehow she had to ask Cherish if it would be OK to bring Stevie−Jade in to work with her for awhile and not allow anyone to think past that. By the time Darlene arrived at the shop, she was nervous and her fledgling personal freedom waned. She wanted to go home and curl up in bed with her baby and the man she loved. Jace would have to go back to work though. Taking a deep breath, she walked into the shop. The sense of entering another time period, one from another life, familiar yet alien, rushed over her. That made her want to run for cover too. Cherish wasn't behind the counter. One of the other employees was and greeted Darlene with, "Hey, you didn't bring the baby with you? Cherish has been raving about her." Darlene smiled. She hadn't thought to bring any of the million and a half pictures she and Jace had taken of Stevie−Jade. "Is Cherish here?" "Yeah. She's been in her office all day. Told everyone not to disturb her. I don't think she'd mind if you did." Probably holed up trying to beat the April 15th deadline, Darlene thought, since Cherish had a degree in accounting and always did the shop taxes. Chapter 23

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Taking another deep breath, Darlene knocked on Cherish's door. "It's Darlene," she called. Half a minute later, Cherish opened her door a crack, then a little wider when she saw her. Shocked, Darlene tried not to stare at her with her mouth gaping. Cherish looked awful and the smell of liquor overwhelmed the air suddenly. Darlene barely recognized her. Poking her head out the door to make sure no one was behind Darlene, Cherish said "I wasn't expecting you." She ushered Darlene inside and locked the door. Instead of a desk covered with papers and official looking documents, Cherish's desk stood bare of anything except a bottle of whiskey and a Styrofoam cup. "How's the baby? How's Jace?" Cherish asked as if realizing her manners in this very weird situation. Darlene felt incredibly awkward. She was tempted to say "I'll come back later" and race out as fast as she could. The only thing that kept her from that was the fact that, while she couldn't claim Cherish was a close confidant, she did care about her. "Fine −−" Darlene started just as her boss sat behind her desk and burst into tears. She'd covered her face, but Darlene felt as graceless as she would if Cherish looked at her while Chapter 23

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she sobbed. She didn't know what to say or do to comfort her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you had to see this, Darlene. You're probably wishing you'd chosen a different day to ask me if it's okay to bring your little one to work with you on Monday." Cherish laughed almost deliriously, and Darlene swallowed hard. God, yes, she almost did wish she'd chosen any other day. It didn't seem fair to think that though. "Of course you can bring her. You're my only friend, Darlene. You care about this business as much as I do, and I know your work would suffer if you didn't bring her along. You'd miss her and worry all day." Standing, watching her boss weep uncontrollably as she spoke like nothing was wrong unnerved Darlene. She finally sat in the chair across from Cherish, feeling it was the least she could do. Her boss obviously considered her a friend, and a friend didn't make a break for the door as soon as they got what they needed. Cherish poured herself a dollop of the whiskey and gulped it with a pained expression. Darlene cleared her throat awkwardly. "Cherish, do you . . .? I mean, did something happen?" "No. It's just . . . I'm mortified you caught me! Today is my anniversary." Chapter 23

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"Anniversary?" Cherish had been married? Would that explain . . .? Cherish nodded. "The anniversary of the day I stopped being glad I was pretty." Lost and a little startled, Darlene just stared at her boss as she poured herself another gulp of the alcohol. "I was a model. Did I ever tell you that?" Cherish said as she clenched her teeth against the bite of the whiskey. She bobbed her head up and down without waiting for Darlene to respond. "I was sixteen. My mom got me some modeling assignments and I was on top of the world. I liked being pretty, flirting with everybody and having boys and men alike get all silly over me. I had a boyfriend though, and he kept me grounded." Cherish got a drunken, mellow look in her eyes. "Samuel. I loved him. I was so crazy about him, I'd picked out my wedding dress before I was eighteen. We'd planned to get married as soon as we graduated. We'd go on to college, of course. Both of our parents were well off, so we knew we wouldn't have any trouble keeping the promise that we'd both have degrees before we thought about having children. Everything was very neat and going exactly according to plan." More whiskey went down, and Cherish closed her eyes tightly. Her memories seemed to have more bite than the whiskey now. "My father was in the early stages of a political Chapter 23

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career then. He and my mother got married early, went to college and then had me. Their life was very neat and going exactly according to their plan. Having a beautiful, pure daughter didn't hurt." Cherish opened her eyes, but there was a blackness in her expression that had Darlene holding her breath, knowing she desperately did not want to hear what Cherish was about to say. "I used to go down to where my father's campaign supporters were hard at work. Encourage the troops, you know. Flirt with them like mad. One night, three of them asked me to go with them to a rally." Cherish shook her head, staring blankly. "They took me to a seedy hotel instead. One of them chickened out, but the other two . . ." Darlene bit her lip as Cherish fell into sobs again. Darlene already knew what she didn't want to know and she couldn't seem to move to offer anything by way of comfort. Her body felt as wooden as the chair she sat on. Finally Cherish whispered brokenly "They raped me. All night. The walls were paper thin and the people next door . . . I could hear them talking at first before . . . Later, they pounded on the walls between our rooms a couple times. "Keep it down over there!"" Cherish looked straight at her, seeming to see her for the first time. "They had to know. Chapter 23

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You understand? They had to know I was being raped. I was screaming. Screaming and crying, gagging and begging them to stop. Once, the hotel management called and said the neighbors were complaining about the noise." Cherish choked on a horrifying laugh. "And the men, these ones I'd so loved to flirt with before, kept saying the most awful things. Lewd, crude, disgusting things." Shuddering, Cherish clutched the whiskey bottle as tears ran unendingly down her cheeks. "And the next morning, we came out of the room at the same time as the neighbors did. The ones that kept banging on the walls and telling us to be quiet. They were an older couple and the man was a reverend or a priest or something. He had that little white collar thing showing. They glanced at us and then they looked away really quickly." Darlene worked her bottom lip with her teeth, trying to hold down her own horror. Her stomach hurt at her own need to force the touch of all this away from her. "I told my parents, but they wouldn't believe me. My dad was so close to winning and any hint of scandal would destroy his chances. I broke up with Samuel that day too. I couldn't stand it when he touched me or even looked at me. I still can't. I still can't bear a man finding me attractive at all." As Cherish wept uncontrollably now, Darlene swallowed hard yet couldn't relieve the Chapter 23

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ache in her throat. A soft, shuffling sound in the darkness, suddenly and painfully awake and the beat of her own heart hurting her eardrums as she listened for what had woke her . . . . Stiffly, she stood and went around the desk to Cherish. When she knelt in front of her, Cherish turned toward her and Darlene put her arms around her, trying to hold back her own terrorized sobs as she comforted her friend. It wasn't something she could do for long. Within mere minutes, the act became intolerable. Without looking back or speaking, she stood and walked toward the door. Once she left the shop, not answering the employee behind the counter's cheerful adieu, she found herself trying to brick a wall around all that Cherish revealed, forcing it in the same place she'd forced her own torment, the one that kept her from ever going home again, ever wanting to hear a voice that could bring it back. Even when she walked into the apartment and found Jace soothing Stevie−Jade, Darlene couldn't speak. She could barely meet his eyes. She took her baby, whispered something about seeing him later that day, and went into the bedroom and held her child against her breast. When her mind could no longer cope with fending off the almost tangible memories, Darlene shut it off. She shut it off and slept like the dead. Chapter 23

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JACE RETURNED home a couple hours later, not sure how he'd ever gotten himself to leave in the first place. Something was wrong. He'd known it the instant Darlene came in and took Stevie−Jade from him. Her eyes had been haunted and yet . . . blank. When she didn't say whether or not Cherish had approved her request to bring Stevie−Jade to work with her, he'd concluded Cherish had vetoed it. Would that leave Darlene so devastated? So devastated she couldn't seem to even talk about it? Before he left to return to work, he'd gone in the bedroom and found both mother and baby sound asleep. Maybe she'd just missed her baby in the short time she was gone. Opening the door and finding the apartment dark and utterly silent didn't quell Jace's instincts that something was wrong and it had nothing to do with going in to ask her boss for a favor. Dinner hadn't been started. Darlene was always cooking when he came home during the week. Jace dropped his briefcase and strode back to the bedroom. The door stood partially closed, the way he'd left it. No lights were on. Not even the night light. When he flipped on the lamp, he found both of them asleep. Still asleep. Darlene wore the light jacket and shoes she'd put on to go to the shop. Chapter 23

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The light roused her before Jace could. She sat up slightly, glancing around wildly until she found Stevie−Jade sleeping contentedly next to her. Then she calmed slightly before rubbing her eyes and glancing at the clock. The time seemed to surprise her again. When she faced him, she visibly closed up inside herself, something she hadn't done in months. "I need some Tylenol," she said softly. After putting the baby in her crib, Darlene left the room with the monitor in tow. Jace didn't know what to say or do. He followed her to the kitchen, gritting his teeth against the need to demand "What the hell is going on?" He didn't speak because right now he had nothing to go on. Wordlessly, she went about getting water and took the bottle he held out to her. Then she went out to the living room, getting on the open sofa bed on her stomach with her arms folded beneath her. Jace didn't view it as an invitation at all. But he did sit on the mattress beside her. She resembled a fortress, locked up tight against the world, yet when he touched her face she scooted closer to him. Her eyes were vulnerable as a newborn fawn's. "Cherish say it was okay for you to bring Stevie−Jade to work with you?" he asked, Chapter 23

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extremely careful because she was already too fragile for demands. Nodding, she closed her eyes and almost seemed to fall asleep again. But then she spoke, eyes squeezed tight, tone flat, "I always wondered. Why someone as young and pretty as Cherish didn't seem to have a social life. Any life outside the shop. But she was my boss and I wasn't exactly an open book myself, so I never asked her why." Darlene turned her head to look at him. "She was raped. By two guys who worked with her father. While a preacher was in the next room and . . . no one helped her. No one believed her. Or they believed her and didn't want to." "What?" "I know. How does someone survive something like that?" she whispered at his shock. "And it really doesn't have anything to do with . . . .I mean, it was nothing like that . . . for me. But −−" Even if she wasn't making any sense, Jace couldn't shake the wariness of what Darlene might be saying. Cherish had been raped, and, God, that was horrifying, but Darlene talked about things she'd gone through as if there was some parallel. It didn't help his state of mind when tears filled her eyes and she shook her head against them. "I never told anybody. I couldn't even tell Brett because I knew if Brett knew . . . he'd Chapter 23

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finish what I started. I couldn't do that to Brett." Jace grabbed her face, a little too hard, and she snapped back from some world that only she could see. "What? What are you talking about?" She swallowed hard, but didn't close her mouth, as if afraid to block it out now that some part of it had emerged and could come after her. "My dad. It started right after you and me became more than friends. I would be starting to drift off to sleep and I'd hear this noise. Like a shuffle and I'd be wide awake, trying to listen for what woke me up. But then it'd be dead quiet and it wasn't the noise anymore. I could feel him standing there, behind the crack of my open door. I'd feel him and sometimes I thought I could hear him breathing. The first time it happened, my heart was beating like it was going to come right out of my chest and I knew something was wrong. I actually saw the glitter of his eyes in the moonlight coming in my window. He just stood there for like twenty minutes." The words came out of her as if someone was choking the life out of her and she couldn't breathe. Jace couldn't. He could only stare at her as he felt something inside him rise up slowly and violently. "Then I'd hear him shuffle away. I knew the sound of his footsteps. Not like I'd paid attention, but like you'd been hearing something forever and suddenly associate it, you Chapter 23

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know? I knew it was him, but I never knew why he did it. He never came in. He never said anything about it during the day. I don't know if he thought you were in bed with me or what, that I was sneaking you in and he wanted to catch us together. Or I was sneaking out and he wanted to catch me not there and coming back in. Even after you and I broke up, he still did it for a couple months. I didn't have a lock on my door." The tears that had temporarily faded now returned, stronger. She shook her head again, her voice shaky as trails of glittering tears tracked her cheeks. "So it's not the same as what Cherish went through. God, it's not the same at all, but it was . . . You remember that story The Telltale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe? You only get the psycho's side of the story, but . . . the victim, the one that he stared in at and heard his heartbeat like the loudest noise in the world . . . I felt like that person. I didn't know why he did it. I didn't know why and it was torture not knowing why! What was he thinking? What was he planning? What made him do it every night? Why couldn't he have said something? Anything?" Jace pulled her against him because he was scared and her words bordered on hysteria −− something she must have felt on a nightly basis. He was mad she'd never told him and had instead suffered alone. "I stopped sleeping. I was afraid to fall asleep because somehow it's easier to expect Chapter 23

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something and wait for it than to just wake up and know it's happening and you can't stop it. You can't even breathe or move or scream because that might make him do something worse." Jace closed his eyes tightly for an instant, then leaned closer to her. "I'm sorry, babe. Why didn't you say something to me?" Swallowing, she pursed her lips for an instant. "I did. I begged you not to turn around in the car. I wanted to keep on going into the night and never look back, but I couldn't do that without you." Uncontrollably, he laughed in sadness because if she'd told him about her old man he would have kept going. He would have protected Darlene any way he had to. "Are you not telling me something?" Had her father done worse than torment her like that and she was afraid to say it out loud? His teeth closed tightly at the thought. Darlene let out a strangled noise that seemed to have no explanation for its meaning. Not until she blurted out, "I tried to kill him. After he stopped doing it . . . he never stopped criticizing me and making me feel like I was worthless. I hated him. I hated him because he scared me and he could hurt me so easily. I started thinking about killing him or myself. I thought about it for a long time. Like an obsession. And it doesn't make any sense, but I Chapter 23

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think that plotting it was the only thing that kept me sane. I hated him, I hated my mother for just turning a blind eye to everything, I hated myself . . . I hated you for hurting me as easily he did." Even as she said this, killing him emotionally, she put her hands on his face and kissed him as if she wanted to take away the pain he felt at destroying her unintentionally. Then she laughed in this giddy way that scared him, all while holding his face and his gaze. "I put an entire box of rat poison in his beer, I shook it up, wiped off the top and brought it to him. I'd already arranged to stay at Rori's house that night. But I couldn't sleep there, either. I kept waiting to hear the ambulance, but I never did. I went home and nothing happened. He never even got sick. I don't know if he smelled it or tasted something funny and then dumped it out. If Mom saw me do it and give it to him and she did what she always does −− avoid conflict by taking it all away, in her mind or in reality. "It scared me when nothing happened because then I really thought about what I tried to do. One thing to believe someone deserves death, but to be the hand that delivers it . . ." She let out another long, shaky breathe. "I went out of my way to be nice to him after that. I even told him I loved him again and he called me a goddamn fool. "What do you think it's gonna get you, girlie? You're just like your mama. Little whore who'll give it to anybody, Chapter 23

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anytime cuz you think it's love. Well, I ain't got none to give you, you little bitch." And then I hated him even more than I did before." She hadn't told anyone she loved them since that day, Jace knew without her confirmation. And he'd hurt her as badly as her father had with his insane criticizing and actions. Maybe he'd even hurt her worse than her father. Jace had made her believe he loved her, shared her feelings and hopes for a future together and in one glimpse of betrayal, he'd forced her so far into hiding, getting her to ever come out fully might be impossible. "You couldn't hurt anybody," Jace said softly. "I think you unconsciously warned him not to drink that beer." Darlene laughed slightly. "Well, I really did a hell of a job blocking it out then." Her tone of voice told him she didn't believe it. She believed what she'd tried to do she'd done in cold−blood. Thank God it hadn't worked. "I've tried to tell myself for years that I'm past all of it. That it doesn't affect me now. But I think it still does. I don't want to ever go back. I don't even want to think about that place or anything associated with it." Jace held her the way she wanted him to and felt his guilt multiply more. Chapter 23

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Chapter 24 "I'VE GOT to feed her," Darlene said in agony as they walked into her apartment building. Today was the first day she'd brought Stevie−Jade to work with her. "When did you last nurse her?" Jace asked. "Two." Her tone revealed an edge of guilt. "It takes at least ten minutes to feed her, both sides, and that's ten minutes I'm not working. The orders were so heavy today, I'm surprised we finished everything that has to go out in the morning." Darlene glanced up at him. "Other than feeling I wasn't pulling my weight, it went really well. She slept most of the time, but she wasn't bored when she wasn't. She liked watching me. I have to work out a system of feeding her on my breaks or something." When Stevie−Jade fussed, obviously hungry, Jace cooed "Pretty soon, raisin. Just hold on." As they reached their floor, Darlene started to say something and stopped short. Jace looked at her, then followed her gaze. Two people stood in front of their door, and Jace, naturally, recognized them as soon as Chapter 24

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he laid eyes on them. His parents. Ah hell. As glad as he was to see them, they couldn't have picked a worse time. They'd come to see their grandchild. As soon as they showed no surprise at seeing a baby, Darlene would know he'd called them. Right now, he had no idea how she'd react to the knowledge either. The past couple days had been . . . dammit, it'd been like living some kind of nightmare. Everything was exactly the same as it'd been before she told him all those horror stories from her past. Darlene had been affectionate, sweet, giving. When they made love, she didn't run away. And yet there was something insidious working under the surface. He now knew she remembered clearly all the damn good reasons she had for not trusting him. Darlene loved him, but she lived as if she took what she could get, not accepting or giving any commitment to the life they'd built together. You love me. Whatever. I love you. Whatever. You're staying. Whatever. You're leaving. Whatever. He'd accepted the punishment for the past couple days too and he'd heaped his own guilt on top of it. He'd taken what she gave, as usual. Today, at work, after he called her and she'd "kept up appearances" with him again, he'd allowed his anger to surface. How long did a man have to pay for one mistake? He'd been paying for over half of his Chapter 24

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life. Could he work off the mistake by being good? Because he'd done that too. He'd given Darlene everything he had to give since the very first time he left home to find her. He'd paid for his mistake, but he knew it wasn't that simple. She'd charged him with her father's crimes just as surely as she'd held his infidelity with Rori against him all these years. However unconsciously, she blamed him for her father's cruelty, for making her feel worthless, for tormenting her the way he had. She blamed him for what she considered her attempted murder. It wasn't fair. But, hell, he hated the way he felt. Just like all the other times before, he was at that brick wall, feeling like he had no other choice expect to cut his losses and head out anywhere it didn't hurt so damn bad. The combination of Darlene's vulnerability and Stevie−Jade were all that kept him from going. Walking through a tunnel with an outcome even darker than when he started, Jace moved toward his parents. It was all over with his mother's excited greeting, "Oh there's the little angel we've been hearing so much about!" Darlene glanced at him, her eyes narrowing in confusion and hurt, her mouth moving as if she wanted to ask something or demand what was going on. But she already knew. His parents' reaction to Stevie−Jade was all too obvious. Chapter 24

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His parents hugged him, then hugged Darlene. While deep down, both he and Darlene understood his parents didn't approve of her, they'd always welcomed her and treated her well. Jace's late sister had done it right. Jenna had married a preacher and she'd moved up from human to celestial being in one swift step. His parents would accept Darlene wholeheartedly on the basis of the fact that they believed she'd bore their son a child. Once inside the apartment, Darlene said softly, "I really have to feed her," to Jace. The distance in her voice was his first punishment. Watching him, instead of watching his parents "ahh" and "ooh" over Stevie−Jade, was the second. "She looks just like you, Jason," his mother gushed. "Isn't she the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" Grandma and Grandpa alike were positively giddy over their second grandchild. Every time Jace said Darlene needed to nurse the baby, they agreed and then refused to hand her over. It wasn't until Darlene's milk came surging in, soaking her shirt, that they finally relented, to everyone's humiliation. After Darlene took the, by now screaming, baby into the bedroom, his father asked "Everything okay?" Jace swallowed hard, realizing while they'd been immersed in gaa−gaa over Stevie−Jade, Chapter 24

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they'd managed to sense something wrong between Jace and Darlene. Much as he wanted to deny it, he said "I wish you'd called and . . . made plans with us before you came." "You have an almost three−month−old baby and you thought we should wait even longer to see our grandchild?!" his mother injected haughtily. Jace dismissed her tone. He knew they were hurt he never even mentioned it to them when Darlene was pregnant. His parents had loved seeing Jenna pregnant, calling her 'Princess' and hovering over her. "Jason," his father started warily, sitting forward slightly on the sofa. "I know you've never been much for settling down, putting down roots, but you've got a baby now. You have to learn to be responsible enough to see this one through." Lecture #4. "You don't know me at all," Jace said under his breath. His own parents thought the same thing Darlene did, and right now that infuriated him. He wouldn't be punished any more for something that wasn't entirely all his fault. "Or maybe we know you better than you know yourself," his dad said, again in that it−pains−me−to−say−this tone. Jace stood up while his mother wrung her hands. She was always the one to keep his Chapter 24

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father from voicing things that might make Jace leave. After losing one child, the thought of losing another, the last one, terrified her. "Mom, Dad, I think you should leave. Tell me where you're staying. I'll call you later," Jace said, because if they stayed any longer he'd say things he didn't mean. After telling him the name of their hotel, his mom turned to her husband angrily. Jace was already getting their coats. "I'll call you," he reiterated, as he hugged his mom and she cried. "See you, Dad." His father didn't say anything, and Jace didn't expect him to. His dad had a knack for holding a grudge, but luckily Jace usually stayed away long enough for him to be over it by the time he showed up again. Locking the door behind them, he took a deep breath that gave him neither courage nor relief. "Are they gone?" were the first words out of Darlene's mouth when he went into the bedroom. Jace nodded tightly, wishing he could get rid of the anger in his chest. "Did you tell them you're Stevie−Jade's father?" "I told 'em you're her mother. They assumed the rest because . . . they know I'm crazy Chapter 24

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about her." "You have to tell them the truth!" she insisted as he went to the window and saw his parents hailing a cab below. "Why?" She snorted in disbelief. "You can't let them believe something like that. It's too important . . ." Jace turned to her and found himself glaring uncontrollably. "Why can't I let them believe I'm Stevie−Jade's father? You put my name on the birth certificate, for Pete's sake. You obviously want somebody to believe it." She was shocked. For a moment, her face burned with emotion and she couldn't speak. "How did you know?" she finally whispered, not looking at him. "The card came in the mail last week. I opened it." Still focusing only on the baby nursing hungrily at her breast, Darlene shrugged. "I couldn't leave it blank . . . and I couldn't put Todd's name." She couldn't leave it blank. Couldn't leave it blank? The past couple months he'd been here . . . dammit, all for nothing. Again. "That's all, huh? You couldn't leave it blank?" His teeth ground against a wave of pain Chapter 24

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and fury. He walked out of the room feeling like he could knock down the Leaning Tower of Pisa with one punch. She'd done it to him again. Punished him while she punished herself, and Stevie−Jade would pay for it this time too. He'd been a good father. She needed him. So did Darlene, whether she'd ever cop to it or not. The rage and hurt grew steadily inside him, like a living thing. She came out finally. When she got halfway across the room, she put her hands in her back pockets and asked too loudly, even breathlessly "Do you want to leave?" She wanted him to lay it on the line. Probably telling herself the sooner she knew his decision, the sooner she could deal with it. "Do you want me to?" Jace asked, quietly, instead of saying any one of the meant−to−destroy things he could have said. She looked like nervous energy bounded around inside her as she stared at him. Then she wrapped her arms protectively across her chest. "If you have to go, there's nothing I can do to stop you." Predictable. God, she was so predictable. He wanted to scream. Instead he got up and Chapter 24

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walked over to her, standing so close he could tell she wanted to run. "That's where you're wrong, babe. It's about damn time you stopped trying to convince yourself of all the lies. You're the only person who can say anything to stop me. You know it, too." Because she also knew there was no way he'd let her run or look away, she had to let him see the tears that filled her eyes in a herd rush. She shook her head at him. "I can't stop you, Jace. I never could." "I'm not your old man!" he said at what sounded to his own ears like the top of his lungs. Darlene flinched and the tears actually began to fall in reaction. But then they both heard Stevie−Jade's cry from the bedroom. Everything inside Jace wanted to run to his baby the way Darlene did. He couldn't. Not this time. Darlene would never change. He couldn't stay either, not if she refused to give him the one thing he needed more than anything. He heard Stevie−Jade crying from the bedroom and the sound ripped his heart out. Would he ever be able to hold her again? Would she ever snuggle against him and sleep contentedly against his chest? Jace crossed his arms over his chest protectively this time. He couldn't leave completely. Chapter 24

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He couldn't leave town, if for no other reason than that Stevie−Jade might need him. He'd stay with Doobs for awhile. Cool out. Maybe Darlene would . . . . He shook his head at the extreme level of doubt that filled him. No future. None at all. That was what Darlene left him with. SHE'D LEFT Stevie−Jade alone, on the edge of sleep but not quite there, and now the baby was very upset. Darlene comforted her, but her mind kept going to Jace. Was he packing? She didn't want to go out there because she couldn't watch him leave. Yet the fear that he'd leave without a word was so strong, she could hardly stand still. When she couldn't take it anymore, she left the room with the wailing baby. As soon as she saw Jace, he stood, picked up his duffel bag and walked into the bedroom. He was leaving. Oh God, he was leaving. She heard drawers opening and closing, hangers scraping, sliding and jingling. Oh no. Oh God, she couldn't let him . . . but she didn't know what to do to stop him. She was shaking fiercely by the time he returned with the duffel bag full. Instead of just walking out the door with the words "I have to go" thrown back, he stopped in front of her, dropping the duffel bag, and took Stevie−Jade from her. Chapter 24

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He held her tenderly, stroking her head and back and whispering soothingly to her. Darlene couldn't stop her own tears as he calmed the baby and she lay contentedly on his chest. It wasn't until Jace whispered "I love you, raisin" that Darlene noticed he was crying, too. Then he leaned down and kissed her. "I love you, too, babe." Everything inside her wanted to scream "I love you with all my heart. Stay! Don't ever leave", but she couldn't. The words stalled in her throat as the memory of her father's sour face and those ugly, ugly words he'd hurled at her came. "Stevie−Jade loves you," she said instead, knowing it wasn't enough. "I know. She tells me every day in the only way she can." Darlene thought to insist she'd done the same. She'd given him everything she could, in the only ways she could. Still, it hadn't been enough to make him want to stay with the two of them. "Your old man was a bastard, Darlene. Hell, if you'd told me any of that shit about him back then, I would've been the one to knock him off. But . . . you can't escape it maybe, not completely, but you can decide whether you're a slave to it or a master of it. Stop letting him win. Stop letting him decide what you want and need and deserve. Chapter 24

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"I made a lot of mistakes too, when I was a kid. I'm not proud of them, but I've paid for them long enough. So have you. There's nothing more I can do, nothing more I can give . . ." He paused, holding the back of Stevie−Jade's head and kissing her tenderly. "There's one thing I need now, one thing I deserve, and you know what it is. You're the only one who knows. I can't stay around here without it anymore. I couldn't last time I came. I left then for the same reason I'm leaving now. If I stayed without having that, it'd kill me, just like it kills me to be away from you. But, hell, I think I'm destined to keep walking away and coming back, hoping you'll change your mind, til the day I die." Darlene refused to open her eyes and look at him. He didn't try to force her to either. After one more tender kiss to the top of the baby's head, he handed Stevie−Jade back to her. Then he picked up his duffel bag and walked out, closing the door very softly behind him. Darlene let out a small scream in the silence. She couldn't stand. Turning, she went into the bedroom and lie with the baby on the bed, crying until all that remained was the thought I love you, Jace. How could you? "I left then for the same reason I'm leaving now. There's one thing I need now, I think I Chapter 24

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deserve, and you know what it is. I can't stay around here without it anymore." His parting speech hadn't made any sense when he said it. She hadn't allowed it to, just like her mother avoided everything and she'd learned the behavior well. But suddenly it kept going around in her head. From the very first time it'd happened, Darlene convinced herself Jace was restless, that he couldn't commit to one place, let alone one woman. She simply wasn't enough for him. It was a lot easier to believe that was why he walked out on her every time. A lot easier than admitting to herself he left because she wouldn't give him what he needed. Wouldn't, not couldn't. She'd also convinced herself she'd never held his crimes against him, but she had. She'd never stopped punishing him for hurting her, for making her feel the way her father made her feel. When Cherish told her the horrible story of her past, it'd touched on the memories of darkness Darlene couldn't escape. A soft, shuffling sound in the darkness, suddenly and painfully awake and the beat of her own heart hurting her eardrums as she listened for what had woke her . . . . Rori straddling Jace's lap in the backseat, her shirt wide open, with his face buried against her breasts. Jace's expression . . . . Chapter 24

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Goddamn fool. What do you think it's gonna get you, girlie? You're just like your mama. Little whore who'll give it to anybody anytime cuz you think it's love. Well, I ain't got none to give you . . . . No more sex. No more love. No more giving pieces of myself to you that you toss away like blackened pennies. No more trusting you to love me, to care about me, to give me the simple courtesy of being with only me. No more drives and no more dreams. I go alone and I'll never look back . . . . Darlene closed her eyes, and this time she saw Jace holding Stevie−Jade so tenderly, the content on the baby's face as she slept against him. We're good at this . . . . She saw Jace above her, forcing her to face his feelings. You're mine and I'll be good to you. You'll never regret being mine. I promise. I love you, Darlene. Her inability to return what she desperately wanted to. The one thing he needed from her was the words, "I love you, Jace. Please stay with me." All she'd had to say was "I love you, Jace. Stay", and he'd still be here. Where was he? Already on his motorcycle, heading out of town? Where would he go? Then she remembered his job. He wouldn't just leave his truck in the parking garage Chapter 24

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without giving it back, without giving them notice that he was quitting, would he? Then she remembered something. His phone. His cell phone. He still had it. He had to. She got up and frantically searched the apartment for it. When she couldn't find it anywhere, her chest almost burst with her joy. She could do it. She could call him and tell him and he would come back. Sitting on the bed next to the drowsing baby, she picked up the phone and dialed. The wait seemed endless and excruciating as her throat ached to scream the words that would bring him back. But once he answered, she couldn't even speak. The sobs rose like a hurricane and overwhelmed her. "Darlene?" he guessed. "Is something wrong with Stevie−Jade?" "No," she choked out. "Me." "What?" "There's something wrong with me," she managed, looking down at the baby because she knew her daughter would give her the courage she'd lacked her whole life. The image of no Jace, this quiet apartment, Stevie−Jade's miracles alone did the rest in tumbling the words out, "Everything inside me wanted to . . . stop you. To ask you to stay. Don't ever Chapter 24

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go. Be with us forever." The sobs rose again, but Jace didn't speak through them. She didn't know what he thought. Maybe she'd been wrong; he genuinely didn't want to be here. But then his voice came through, harshly desperate "Give me a reason to stay, Darlene. The only reason." When she closed her eyes, the vision of her father came just the way it always did when she thought those words. She forced her eyes open and on her child. Jace's side of the bed was empty. That could be forever. "I love you, Jace. With everything inside me. I always have. I know I'm still influenced by my father. I tell myself I'm not, but I can still hear him in my head like it's happening and I know I can never go back because I'd lose my sanity then. It's not fair to you, Jace. I know it's not. None of that and this −− what I've done by not telling you what you need me to. But I can't lose you." She bit her lip. Even if he didn't need it, she did. "I always told myself you left because you were restless or bored with me or I just wasn't what you wanted −− like when you went to Rori −−" "I'm sorry! God, I'm sorry. I didn't feel any of those things. I loved you, even if −−" Darlene rushed to stop his penance. "I know that now. I know you left because I couldn't Chapter 24

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get myself to tell you what's been true from the first second I laid eyes on you and forever after. I love you, I love you! Please don't leave us. Please don't reject me like he did, like I thought you were doing then. Not you. Not you, Jace." While he didn't speak for a full minute, she heard him breathing raggedly as she waited an eternity for his response. "Never you, babe. I'll never hurt you again. I'm coming home," he finally whispered. After he disconnected, Darlene sobbed into the phone, hardly believing it hadn't ended. That her lonely torment wasn't about to start all over again. She carefully picked up her baby, finding herself laughing now as she whispered giddily, "Guess what, sweetie? Daddy's coming home." She went to the front door, opened it and stood there waiting and watching for Jace. Darlene expected the wait to seem like a lifetime, but only moments later she heard his footsteps and then he appeared with his duffel bag. He must not have gotten far, she thought as he came to her. Her vision was so watery, she tried to blink it away so she wouldn't lose sight of him. He was in front of her when her eyes cleared. He was kissing her, hugging them and whispering, "Marry me, Darlene. Give me forever." Chapter 24

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She looked up at him, shocked and yet . . . not at all. "Yes." He kissed her again, satisfied. Then he led them into their home and forever began.

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Did you enjoy Darlene and Jace's story? Then you'll love the other books in the Angelfire Trilogy: FALLING STAR, Book 1 Available now; ISBN: 1−58200−110−3 FOREVER MAN, Book 3 Coming in May, 2001; ISBN: 0−7599−0211−9 What does a forever man get when he sets his sights on a love−shy lady? He gets a Chapter 24

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hell of a fight on his hands! Savannah ("Savvy") O'Brien is level−headed, sophisticated and in complete control of her life. The only commitment she's willing to make is to her career . . . and to a parking space for her new car. Brett Foxx has loved and he's lost. He's put a lifetime of anger, recklessness and a multitude of sins behind him. The road warrior has finally settled down . . . and he plans to keep himself as far from love as he can get. He's not looking for trouble, but if anyone can give it to him it's his former lawyer, and unrequited fantasy, Savvy O'Brien.

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Author's Note There's a scene in one of my favorite movies, At First Sight {Val Kilmer}, that has disturbed me since the first time I watched it. The heroine and newly−sighted hero are walking down a street in New York City and the hero says "What's that? What's that lump?" The heroine tries to steer him away from the homeless man lying in a pile of garbage, and she tells him "Some things you choose not to see." It's truly a commentary on the state of our world, isn't it? The world is made up of good people, bad people, but mostly in−between people. It's as if we don't realize the effect we have on other lives by the things we do −− and sometimes what we don't −− do. I think that effect is most evidenced by the relationship between a child and their parents or guardians. The most crucial stage in our development starts when we are very young. While it's easy and politically correct these days not to take responsibility for ourselves and our actions in any situation, we need to realize that although we can never completely escape the past, we can decide whether to become a slave to it or a master or it. Think of Mother Teresa and how many lives she not only touched but changed for the Author's Note

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good. Think of Jeffrey Dahmer. While my mind immediately pushes away horror of this type, imagine the number of lives he touched and changed forever with his evil. Think of the people you know. Human beings are essentially flawed, completely contradictory in our thoughts and actions, and yet we have our moments of true heroism. One person can make a difference, and it starts with our own children. It's scary and exciting to comprehend that we can and do influence whether they become content, productive adults. How they deal with their childhood once they become adults is out of our hands, but we do have a small window of opportunity that seems to close all too quickly. This book is dedicated to the "Darlene's" of this world −− those people with a past that haunts them, those flawed, lovably contradictory, heroic people learning to master their own pain.

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