Fatal Distraction

Also by the author Temper, Temper

INSOMNIAC PRESS

Copyright © 2004 by Sonja Ahlers All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher or, in case of photocopying or other reprographic copying, a license from Access Copyright, 1 Yonge Street, Suite 1900, Toronto, Ontario, Canada, M5E 1E5. Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication Ahlers, Sonja Fatal distraction / Sonja Ahlers.

ISBN 1-894663-69-1 I. Title. PS8551.H53F382004

C818'.5407

C2004-903950-4

The publisher gratefully acknowledges the support of the Canada Council, the Ontario Arts Council and the Department of Canadian Heritage through the Book Publishing Industry Development Program. Printed and bound in Canada Insomniac Press 192 Spadina Avenue, Suite 403 Toronto, Ontario, Canada, M5T 2C2 www.insomniacpress.com

This book is dedicated to my Grandpa Alexander Davidson Ahlers It is not so much the content But the work having gone in

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Author's Notes This is a book about obsession obsessively put together. It may be read in a random sort of way or front to back. Each page is a page unto itself. There is a narrative that has been cobbled together. The material in this book spans five years and was assembled entirely by hand. SA

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Copyriehl ©

This tfnlumo may npl BB reproduced In whole or In pan In any lorm *lihoiil «rlllen parmlsslon from tha publishers Iniernaiionfll Cooyriflhi C T974. rt?a. ifl7i. 1970, HM. 196G 1965, 1964 by F-eld Enterprises Educatmnal Cnrparalinn

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized m any lorm or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, rerordiiiR or by any information storage and retrieval w^tcn*, without permission in writing from Ihe Publisher. All nghis reserved No carl of this book may tie reproduced o- utilized m any form Of by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any informalion storage or reirieval system, without permission m wining from rhe nublrsfier

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Im like T canV

with a running commentary

QUOTATION (kwo ta' shan), n. (The quotation m are indic.ifed.) The curved index and middle finge both hand 1 , held palms out, move slightly to e side of she body, as if drawing quotation marks ir air. Also CAPTION, cm-, QUOTE, SO-CALLED, SUB.I THEMB, TlTLfc, 'TOPIC.

I know I survived the hard times bv being obsessed.

*§et&

I do & don't

W$ ONE W0UL0 p^(C

this, as though she is experienced in matters of crumbling. "I really like The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand," she says. "Her philosophy is that you're worthless if you're not out for yourself."

On the way out of the room I stole a couple of cookies.

coppycot

"TWIN STRESS SYNDROME"

"Tofu"

You need never be at a loss for ideas.

I'm so completly over-

shelmed by th bullshit of flife

"But you just do what you do.

She always wore the rubber band '.around her ankle, just in case she needed it. Her 'mother told her that was a very dangerous thing to do. It could stop all the blood from circulating and then she'd be dead| But -• • -. • didn't believe it.

me. My best friend from high school was committed to a mental, hospital when she was 18. She always said to me that it is the family that is crazy, the entire family. Of course, only one person can serve the time."

'''

Everything's Rad!''

POEMS

OF

TO-DAY

7. ON THE TOILET TABLE OF QUEEN MARIE-ANTOINETTE was her table, these her trim outspread T insBrushes and trays and porcelain cups for red ; Here sate she, while her women tired and curled The most unhappy head in all the world.

J. B. B. Nichols.

Exercises to Do in Bed: 1. Stretch: raise arms overhead, point toes, feel every muscle lengthening. Relax. Repeat three times. 2. With your^arms out to the sides at shoulder level, - draw your knees up to your chest Lower (don't drop) your knees to the risht as you twist your waist, upper torso, and head to the left. Reverse directions and repeat five times on each side. 3. Lying on your back, raise your legs straight up to make a right angle with your body. Slowly lower them to a count of ten. Tighten stomach muscles to control your legs as you lower them. 4. In the same position, raise legs and bicycle for sixty seconds. '•

"I'm not hungry," I said. "Then how about helping m© with this clean-up? Lake Dad said, it's better if you can keep yourself busy." 1

Figure 5, Cap and mask worn by Merrick on excursions outside his rooms.

All fadest clothes

''ped se''

You can the purse if you like.

BE BLACK BABY

"Heh heh heh heh." "Yeah. Heh heh." "Sucks."

SjomacWS*

I want 2 sit mext 2 you

BILLY Cruise chicks. N.ORMAN

Um „ . , ? , ; ' • ' ' - / ,' • • ' . - • ' . . -• ', -BILLY ' '

•.'

Meet 'em. Girls. Try to pick them up. NORMAN


NORMAN Ivbeg your pardon? BILLY

(Explaining) You know. Kiss. Suck face—kiss.

"Dear Mr. Fantasy"

It's a lot of work but I need the cash because I' m saving up to have my hair permed

I am impossible, you are impossible he is impossible she is impossible me are impossible you are impossible

they are impossible they are impossible

The big coinkidinky

_^WKpop-deerdso^,.?y> s

if it doesn't pertain to you you don't give a shit.

The pushing stroke for follow through.

Next to the death of a loved one, the ending of a relationship is the single most emotionally painful experience that any of us ever goes through. In spite of divorce statistics, and although everyone of us has been touched by someone's experience of divorce or separation, when we find ourselves contemplating the end of our own relationships, we are totally unprepared. The terrible thing that happens to others is, like terminal illness or death, a thing that is never supposed to happen to us. Because love is our security blanket, we want it to last forever and to be our everything. That's why breaking up is so hard to do.

6

Sunshine 197Esselet Letraser Ltd

Fig. 13-1. The most commonly used binding methods

O was an oyster Who lived In his shell If you let him alone He felt perfectly well.

1985 "Til Tuesday w

Carry/5

Voices

the -million-selling single about

an

asshole boyfriend

"Is your father the key to the men in you

"The one thing I do know that attrad

"John Wayne syndrome."

QiOf O ICVu

McQueen-like ^—-

"The King of Comedy " "At Close Range " "Fast Times" "Bad Boys "

"Caiiito's Way"

"State of Grace."

I.John Wayne 2. Clint Eastwood 3. Mel Gibson 4. Denzel Washington 5. Kevin Costner 6. Tom Hanks 7. Sylvester Stallone 8. Steven Seagal 9. Arnold Schwarzenegger 10. Robert De Niro " 10. Robert Redford 11. Harrison Ford 11. Clark Gable 11. Paul Newman 11. Brad Pitt

he had named names

"He was just a weird aca

demic who didn't quite fit in

go with Hie flow

Unusual Last Name Q. I have an unusual last name that is often mispronounced. Am I rude to correct, people? A, Xo. By all men.us do so.

lom with his pipe made such a noise, That he pleased both the girls and boys; They'd dance and skip while he did play, "Over the hills and far away."

Irace sixty-nine some afternoon— Perhaps you'll hear him play a tune.

You know —likes to fuck in the ass, and she likes to touch his facceSwell. Whaterver.

YOU WISH

We

Work within the parameters of rock'n roll because it's the only art form the poor can succeed in,''

A band is a procdut

, Fm supersensitive. the art of the power trio,

'• (tibe trio

had to share a single bed),

frequently-

"Ko'ckefAges,"

'Not a lot of people knew his music,' says, 'but most of those who did started bands.' started out driving an equipment truck for the band' and soon \

1A

moved up to T-shirt guy.

hate to be a fticlong opening act.

would take us a while to regroup and figure out what we're doing it for. I remember at one point standing outside with Ben at some phone booth all day waiting for some manager in New York to call. You live on those little dreams." In 1972, calling

W^gbes through your mmd mh&t O.UXK Qnftase?

t walk on stage, "Hi, I'm me" W/fy-type?

. "Hi I'm me, hi I'm me"; i

Was the band at its drug iffAih at that time Yeah.

I e-an't give up my band."

'Another band down the tubes.' It

09

10

I'm no longer in the band."

No. 1 JACK

What can I do What can I do ?

I know

I could

care less.

Resie Pfe^tizli Tricky (who apparently smokes so much p©t §n set it's hard to se§ where he is). While it may be a bit m©re

fatal distractrach-acNon

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I better get going on getting this done. I've been a nation of procrastination for months. Well, it's more like I was holding off/agonizing/re-thinking (much in the way this book was put together) — wanting to write the most perfect and complete thank you to all involved in this project. I've been studying other acknowledgements, album liner notes and then I had to find the right pen... I could do the cop-out "thank you to my family, friends, press, and YOU!" but I can't. I thought I should thank everyone who has ever helped me or everyone I ever met or everyone who has bought art off of me... etc. I want to thank the people directly involved in the production of this book. It takes a small community to raise a baby, and a book. These are the people who helped me get it done. Susan Farmer is responsible for editing this book. She humoured me by letting me edit her editing. She threw her body in front of me when I tried to throw the manuscript across four lanes of traffic. She donated endless hours of her time to help with the formation of this book. We're talkin sorting five years of scraps and scrawled writing and chicken scratches into piles. She found themes. Miracles occur. Her mind works in a magical way. She pieced this book together like a card game of Memory. Susan is one of the most selfless individuals I have ever met. Without her there would no book. Artist credits...the following friends are people I love and admire and who also happen to make some of my favourite art in the whole wide world. Brooke Raine Nechvatel of Romance Design went beyond the call of duty. She has twenty two illustrations in this book all annotated with a stylized "B". Many are drawings I asked her to do: "Brooke, I need a drawing of a girl passed out on her canopy bed after having fallen asleep with double-salted licorice in her mouth." "Okay, I need a New Balance shoe." "Okay. I need two girls on a teeter-totter perfectly balanced WEARING New Balance shoes." She is the girl for The Job. You should hire her. Brooke is a magician and can rock MANY styles like a Sybil personality with pen to

keyboard. Makeitawesome.com! Jeffrey Carlson/Jank/JC - my number 1 penpal driving like Toonces since his zine Drew was in Sassy. Jeff drew the bag of money and the re-imagined "100 People." He threw up the "fuck all this," sweethearts stay-awake instruction, "can of worms," and the quote, "all people in bands should just quit." Thank you for being the Ahlers Art Archivist. If it weren't for Jeff I'd still be making art with office supplies (you know... painting with liquid paper). Shary Boyle gave me two drawings to use. The cigarette girl with the box of bunnies I spliced/mashed. The second drawing is a girl with the mantra, "do not call him." Thank you Shary Strawberry for making the art you make. You are a huge inspiration and I am grateful for your presence in my life. Melanie Covey gave me the "go to h-e-double hockey sticks," the baby scapegoat drawing and the quote, "I'd like to wake up with amnesia." Thank you for Tuesday Nite Art-Inn — of which we are the sole members. We've been friends since we were fourteen. My grandpa used to drive us to ballet AND we passed notes in biology where we designed a line of clothing for amoebas ("AmoebaWear"). Muffle White of Portland, Oregon gave me a softserve ice cream cone which has become my mascot. We pass papers through the mail and then we make them into art. We will see Heart one day soon. That page is for you. Maya Raye let me sample her delicate and beautiful piece of art detail from feather-haired girls and canaries. Thank you for your most precious mail that makes me gasp when I open it. Pink liquid paper. Darin Klein is the responsible eyeliner application paper cutting obsessiveness. Darin rules. He told me the story of weeping hysterically at a sit-down Dead Can Dance show. Darin makes grand books. Thank you for the Elliott Smith overview shrine snapshots. Ginger Brooks Takahashi. What can I say, Freegan? Ginger's art is on the second to last page of the book: the androgynous legs with the draped Netherland Dwarf bunny. Thank you Ginger for letting me have your supreme art in my book. It is like a dream come true. Me, you, and Sarah Cain rock Open Space.

Patrick Love gets the last word. Patrick stepped in at a key moment. I wouldn't be here if not for Patrick. He should rule the universe. You should vote Patrick Love. P.S. Patrick would like a band to play drums with. Thank you Ben Eskes for the author/artist photograph. Jeremy's supposed to photoshop that photo into a mock VC Andrews book cover but with SE Ahlers instead. Thank you to everyone who read the manuscript: Donate "Potato" Mancini who actually offered splendid and constructive criticism; JO COOK for endless reinforcement; Robert Pedersen/Chroma Books; Dylan Doubt; Tammy (MC Tammer) Lawrence; Stephanie Albion for whom without Temper, Temper would not be. She is the Real Deal. I am just a conduit. Thanks also to Sydney Hermant — the truest individual art maverick who taught me how to edit. Stop Cool. We didn't start the fire. A massive thank you goes to Henry Rollins who spent an entire week with the manuscript, ballpoint penning the weak pages, insisting I stop writing upside down because he's gonna throw the book across the room, and suggesting I offer a cup of espresso rather than the whole pot. Yes, I am sorry someone stole your EDITED copy out of the editor's mailbox. Why do these things happen? Thank you for the support of the following people: my Auntie Diane and Uncle Steve for constant pep talks and nourishing meals; Gail Keary who let me housesit allowing time and space to get to the to the bulk of this book; Nola Harach; Colleen Rogan; Uncle Jimmy, Jean and Grandpa; my dad for being a good sport about me using his snapshot; Marquise; Therese Starck; my awesome brother Cubby; buddy Troy/B. Balthazar who makes finer music; Mike Gabel; Holly Jasinski for almost being on the cover, Pas de Chance, Craphound; Davy/Found Magazine, Reading Frenzy, all roommates ever; Drew Schaeffer for teaching me to see in another way during the Dark Ages; Emily Pohl-Weary; Tamara Faith-Berger; Kim Dawn for more art inspiration; Sarah Cain for art elegance and purity; Cathy Coates; Amanda Watson; Yuriko Iga and Phoebe MacRae. Spheshul thank you to Lisa Smolkin who makes the real kind of art and who reminds me to do the same. One day. A special thank

you to my mother — Louise Frances Bernadette, and then another one to my favourite Jeremy. And most of all a very large THANK YOU to Mike O'Connor and Insomniac Press for taking another risk. In gratitude, Sonja Elizabeth Ahlers Friday, August 13, 2004 Vancouver, BC

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Sonja Ahlers was born the same year as Joni Mitchell's Blue which her mother almost named her. She won all the colouring contests till her father called the school to say they were teaching "conformity." Became a Duranie in 83. Got caught shoplifting. Had to go to church. Stopped making art in high school b/c of boys and clothes but was even more obsessed with drama club. Was in program for "Gifted Children." Dropped in and out of school through early twenties attending 'rock concerts' all the way. .After a traumatic event in mid-twenties, started making art again. She made tiny books and objects and invented the fierce bunny. She developed a style of drawing, writing and collage similar to that of maybe a DJ-sampling and mashing fragments. Her work continued to snowball from photocopied books to a published graphic novel called Temper, Temper (Insomniac Press, 1998). This made the top ten list of one of her idols and has become a "cult classic" (not her words). Ahlers had her first solo show in 2000 called Everything I Own Is In This Room for which she was awarded a grant from the BC Arts Council. She slowed down with books and had a band called Kiki Bridges who once opened for her old favourite band. She continues to show her work running the gamut of public and private spaces from hair lounges to artist-run-centres. The Museum of Contemporary Art's store in LA is now carrying her fierce bunnies. She was almost in Vogue. She supports the Stop Cool movement, Picnic At Hanging Rock and a website makeitawesome.com. She keeps all her rejection letters and is up for a slow burn.