E-Motion Picture Magic: A Movie Lover's Guide to Healing and Transformation

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E-Motion Picture Magic

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E-Motion Picture Magic A Movie Lover’s Guide to Healing and Transformation

Birgit Wolz, Ph.D.

Glenbridge Publishing Ltd.

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Dr. Wolz’s e-mail address: [email protected] web site: http://www.cinematherapy.com

Copyright © 2004 by Birgit Wolz Published by Glenbridge Publishing Ltd. 19923 E. Long Ave. Centennial, Colorado 80016 All rights reserved. Except for brief quotations in critical articles or reviews, no part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: LC 2004104793 International Standard Book Number: 0-944435-55-6 10

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Contents Introduction ..................................................................................1 1. Basic Discoveries ...................................................................7 2. How Movies Support Healing and Transformation ....19 3. Watching Movies With Conscious Awareness ...............33 4. Using Movies to Release Negative Beliefs .....................56 5. Negative Belief Index .........................................................75 6. Building Self-Esteem...........................................................96 7. Grief and Transformation ................................................113 8. How Film Characters Affect Us — The Film Matrix................................................................126 9. Self-Discovery Through Film Characters — The Self Matrix .................................................................136 10. Powerful Tools for Healing and Growth — The Growth Matrix ..........................................................154 11. Creating a Cinema Therapy Group ...............................176 The Film Index.........................................................................185 Endnotes ....................................................................................213 Bibliography ..............................................................................216

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TO All of my wonderful teachers, who guided me on this fascinating journey, discovering and communicating the transformational magic in movies.

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Foreword Ever Since Hugo Munsterberg offered the first scientificallybased, psychological perspective on how movies affect moviegoers in 1916, the courtship between psychology and motion pictures has been a volatile, on-again, off-again affair with libidinous spurts of heart, mind, and, occasionally, spleen. Ironically, Munsterberg may have been the first to remark about the psychological impact of this remarkable invention, this magic lantern, yet it was the less rigorously empirical, more boldly speculative but aesthetically far more appealing psychoanalytic theory, which leapfrogged over the likes of Munsterberg and his staid scientific psychology and quickly colonized the film world. Onscreen and off, psychoanalysts “explained” to the world the surface and symbolic meaning of words, actions, and images rambling or racing across movie screens, into the conscious and unconscious minds of rapt viewers. The psychopathology of everyday life became the grist for Hollywood films. While attending the movies, people were often first exposed to such exotic terms and conditions as psychosis, depression, hysteria, and the unfolding panoply of treatment modalities that made terms like “psychotherapy,” “schizophrenia,” and “neurosis” integral parts of parlor conversation’s lexical landscape.

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While films could viscerally depict people wrestling with psychological demons, grand and petty, as a medium, film was unwieldy for purposes of using the issues it dramatized as grist for another mill, the mill of psychotherapy. What was it about the life on screen that touched the life of the viewer off screen? How do you easily explore it? A book or poem that moved you, a painting that touched you, a musical passage that transported you — they could be reread, re-viewed, or replayed to recapture the emotional lightning. But how could the 35mm motion picture, an expensive, non-portable medium, be used to aid psychotherapy? Not well and not easily. Then, in the late 70s the VCR and the video cassette revolutionized film duplication, and the door to cinema therapy was opened wide. Easy, inexpensive access to emotionally provocative film stories became a convenient reality. Freed of screening constraints, film could now easily be recruited to aid the therapeutic process. Today, the value of film to the process of self-awareness and self-improvement has never been more exquisitely appreciated, by both academics and laypersons. Self-help books designed around recommended and categorized film titles have appeared. I have read many of them, and some are quite good. Few, however, are written by therapists who have devoted much of their practice to the use of film as a central therapeutic adjunct. Birgit Wolz is such a therapist and author. Her extensive hands-on professional experience in the field brings a greater sensitivity to the intricacies and nuances of film as an emotional experience and source of identification and self-discovery. E-Motion Picture Magic: A Movie Lover’s Guide to Healing and Transformation comes with guidance, advice, insights, and recommendations that reflect her experiences with the emerging field of cinema therapy. It is clear that Wolz understands the dynamics of why movies are such a rich source of personal insight and self-discovery. Movies constitute the premier popular culture form of the day. This is due, in no small way, to the psychophysiologi-

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cal properties of the film medium. While film has been justly called an “emotion machine,” it is also a strongly multi-sensory medium. More than any other medium of entertainment and communication, movies richly represent the swirl of flesh, ideas, pain, pride and laughter, symbols, and images that define what we call “the human condition.” But film isn’t without its shortcomings. Although research has shown film to be the premier emotion generator, research has also shown that books can explain and explore complex issues far more effectively than can films. In essence, film arouses and print elaborates. A wedding of film self-help books can offer the best of both media. This is what the field of cinema therapy has to offer a cinema-savvy society. Dr. Wolz advises that therapeutic value can be harvested from good or bad films, from agreeable or disagreeable characters, or from exhilarating or depressing endings. It is not the aesthetics of the film that is of moment for Wolz, but how the film resonates with the troublesome narratives of our lives. Moreover, films can show us, with equal salutatory value, what works, what doesn’t work, what’s functional, what’s dysfunctional, what we should incorporate into our lives and what we should jettison. Films become vicarious learning machines for those who pay attention to how the myriad film muses speak to us in darkened theaters or dimly-lit living rooms. The wisdom of Dr. Wolz’s understanding of how films can speak to us in unanticipated ways is cleverly evidenced in the “negative” instance. She notes that one needn’t like or even be moved by a character to learn from him or her. I would add that you don’t even have to like an entire film to learn something about yourself. For example, how or when a movie doesn’t move us is often as important as how or when a movie does move us. If the entire audience is weeping when the lights go on at the end of the show, and your eyes are desert-dry, a river of emotion may be running through the dry gulch, just below the surface. Dr. Wolz clearly has a comprehensive agenda in mind for her readers. Drawing from multiple academic and philosophical

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sources, she combines self-help strategies, techniques, insights, and exercises addressing the array of personal problem areas that are emblematic of the modern human condition. She offers a version of cinema therapy that, more than most, is firmly grounded in well-tested principles of cognitive-behavior modification and social learning, and she applies them with rigor and creativity to this modern treatment modality. Her book easily appeals to both lay and professional audiences and, most importantly, she has raised the bar of excellence for future authors. Stuart Fischoff, Ph.D. Emeritus Professor of Media Psychology, California State University, Los Angeles, and Director of the Media Psychology Research Institute

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Introduction Have you ever wished for more perspective on your life? Have you ever thought “If only I could take a couple steps back from my problems I might feel less insecure, worried, discontented, angry or confused?” I have often observed that true healing begins when some event occurs that causes us to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our circumstances. Sometimes this shift in perspective comes about through a major disruption in our normal routines. Or perhaps a friend’s life inspires us and opens us to new insights. Sometimes the object that keys this extraordinary change of viewpoint is not even a real person but simply a character in a story. Throughout history philosophers, psychotherapists, and spiritual teachers have pointed to a shift in viewpoint as the key to emotional and spiritual growth. Such a change in perspective is one of the goals commonly sought by those who practice spiritual disciplines. In many forms of meditation it is hoped that the practice will enable us to see into our deeper nature and that by doing so we will no longer identify so closely with our individual concerns. In such a scenario our problems do not necessarily go away, but through meditation we learn to view them in a larger context. This meditative vantage point is sometimes called an observer perspective. Many psychotherapeutic methods share a similar goal.

“The best movies transport us beyond time. We hitch a ride on the emotional roller coaster of the main character’s quest.” Cathie Glenn Sturdevant

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“Movies offer an unusually safe, enjoyable way to peek at all we’ve denied — our dark sides and our light.” Marsha Sinetar

Life teaches us that there is often more than one way to achieve our dreams. Having worked with many clients over the years, I have been occasionally surprised to watch as one of them experienced an amazing “aha!” of recognition and had an internal shift after watching a movie. These clients were able to identify with characters who had struggles similar to their own. But while they identified with the characters, it was also somehow easier to maintain their distance “outside” the experience. In other words, they maintained an observer perspective. In some cases, instead of identifying with a character, the client was highly critical of them. Either way, the same active principles seemed to apply, and combining the movie experience with psychological exploration during our sessions had powerful results. Having observed this almost “alchemical” process many times, I have come to believe that the key to it lies in two critical aspects of the movie-viewing experience. Movies, more than any other storytelling medium, have the power to draw us out of ourselves and into the experience of their characters. Yet, at the same time, it is often easier to maintain a healthy distance or perspective while watching a movie than it is in a real-life situation. When psychotherapeutic tools are used to process this movie-prompted experience, healing and transformation can happen. Viewing a film with conscious awareness, and properly digesting the whole experience, together form the core principles of E-Motion Picture Magic — a particular type of cinema therapy. Throughout this book I offer movie suggestions and introduce these therapeutic methods in the form of exercises. I also include examples of experiences related to me by clients from my practice. In all such examples, the client’s name has been changed in order to protect their confidentiality.

The Power of Movies Since the dawn of the movie era more than one hundred years ago, cinema has had its skeptics and detractors. Even Louis

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Lumière, one of the principal inventors of cinematography, said, “The cinema is an invention without a future.” But happily, Lumière was wrong. Movies did have a future. They have become enormously popular and immensely powerful as a tool for telling stories, communicating information, and influencing culture. Even the early silent films, with their jerky, grainy, black and white images exhibited an almost magical power to captivate their viewers’ attention. Today, with bone shaking surround-sound, brilliant color, wide-screen format, and digital special effects, the power of cinema to transport us into other worlds has grown to gargantuan proportions. As one measure of just how powerful movies have become, consider how some sociologists, psychologists, politicians, and clerics complain that movies are changing the way society, especially children, view themselves and their world. Such critics point out that in an effort to appeal to the basest elements of human nature, many movies overemphasize graphic violence and sex. Of course, their complaint is about the films’ content — not the medium. But it is interesting to note that while such critics level these same complaints against other media — books, magazines, popular music, fine art — movies bear the lion’s share of such attacks. It is illuminating to ask why. I believe it is because movies, by virtue of their verisimilitude and ubiquity, have significantly greater power than other media to move us, to change the way we see our world and ourselves. It is obvious that many films play to the lowest common denominators — the base human instincts and desires. Even so, it is practically impossible to number the movies that seek the opposite pole, that strive to inspire the highest human values. The vast majority of movies simply hope to entertain by spinning a good yarn, and even those sometimes end up unintentionally serving as a catalyst for personal insight into the darker side of the soul. When those dark aspects are brought into the light of conscious awareness, true inner freedom is possible. Like no other medium before it, the popular movie presents the potential of a new power for illuminating the depth of

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human experience. E-Motion Picture Magic employs that power as a tool to increase consciousness.

A “New” Idea As Old As History

“Practitioners have long recommended books, plays, poetry, and visual and performance arts as a means of teaching concepts of mental health and providing corrective emotional experiences.” John T. Pardeck

As with most “new” ideas, many aspects of cinema therapy are not really new. The use of movies for personal growth and healing carries forward a long-standing connection between storytelling and self-reflection that in all probability dates back to the beginnings of spoken language. Many cultures throughout human history have recognized the transformative and healing effect of the act of telling and listening to stories. E-Motion Picture Magic, and cinema therapy in general, trace their roots directly to bibliotherapy, which is the use of engaged reading in order to gain insight into one’s psyche. The practice of bibliotherapy may go back as far as the ancient Greeks where the door to the library at Thebes bore the inscription: “The Healing Place of the Soul.” Stemming from the invention of the printing press (1450) and the invention of the novel (mid-1600s), the rise of popular literature made it increasingly easier for individuals to “hear” well-crafted stories more frequently. Beginning with the spread of psychoanalysis during the first half of the twentieth century, analysts began prescribing specific reading material, often novels, for some of their patients. In 1916 the term bibliotherapy made its first appearance in psychological literature. During the explosion of the self-help movement in the 1960s through the 1980s, the main focus shifted away from the use of fictional books to nonfiction self-help manuals. Even so, in 1983, James Hillman emphasized the practice of using fiction in therapy in his book, Healing Fiction.1 Cinema therapy was mentioned in psychological articles as early as 1990, and in 1993 Marsha Sinetar published the first book that specifically discussed the use of movies as a tool for personal growth: Reel Power — Spiritual Growth Through Film.2

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What E-Motion Picture Magic Is, and Is not Basically, E-Motion Picture Magic is a way to use the act of consciously watching movies in combination with therapeutic or consciousness-raising exercises for personal healing and transformation. Some of the existing literature about utilizing movies therapeutically focuses on professional therapy; others are written primarily as a self-help guide. The most popular of those selfhelp books treat the subject in a lighthearted manner. As a therapist, I believe the movie experience used in a very specific way can have great healing benefits for those who are willing to apply themselves. I also believe that this process can be fun. As to working with a therapist or not, I strongly urge those with serious psychological problems to seek professional help. I also believe that for many people the transformative power of movies can be used for personal growth without the aid of a therapist, so long as they follow certain guidelines and learn to watch films with conscious awareness — a term that will be explored in depth later in this book. Conscious awareness is central to E-Motion Picture Magic: it is both a principal means and one of the end results of that process. E-Motion Picture Magic is not watching movies to escape our problems. It is the very opposite. It is not just popping videos into the deck hoping that somehow, through a kind of osmosis, certain life lessons will be absorbed. Much of the healing work in E-Motion Picture Magic is accomplished either before the opening fade-in or after the end credits roll on the screen. Therapists may use this approach with their clients, but the therapist needs to be aware that the movie experience should not be used as a therapeutic modality by itself. E-Motion Picture Magic includes and in fact rests upon traditional psychotherapeutic methods. Methods from the therapist’s therapeutic “tool box” other than the one described in this book can be combined with the conscious movie experience.

“Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.” Erica Jong

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Both fiction and nonfiction films can be used. But for the purposes of this book I have chosen to focus solely on the use of fictional films. I do so for two reasons: they constitute the vast majority of movies most easily accessed (even if some of those fictional stories are based on true-life stories); and though documentary and other nonfiction formats are often used with strong effect and result in films that are truly powerful agents for personal reflection, many fictional stories also contain an added mythic dimension, which is important to the transformational process and is often missing in nonfiction films.

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1 Basic Discoveries How Movies Influenced My Life It was starting to get a little warmer when spring showed its first signs in the small town where I grew up in southwest Germany. I had just turned seven and was having trouble with some children at school. I had just been transferred into a new class, and it was hard for me to make friends. My classmates had formed cliques from which I seemed excluded; I felt too shy to ask for their attention. In addition I was bored and ready for adventure after a long winter. I hungered for excitement. One Sunday afternoon my grandfather invited me to see a movie in our small theater. I was surprised because “Opa” and I were not close. He never seemed to pay attention to me. When he asked me to go, I did not spend much time wondering about it, I was very excited. At home, we had just gotten a television, but going to see a movie on a big screen seemed different. Although I am aware that my grandfather did not have many movies to choose from in our village back then, I am

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“Man can learn nothing except by going from the known to the unknown.” Claude Bernard

now surprised about his decision to take me to The Last Days of Pompeii (1960). Nobody seemed to worry about age appropriateness or exposure to violence. Today I still remember scenes in which Christians heroically fought for their lives and faith in ancient Rome. The martyrs were saved at the last minute because Mt. Vesuvius erupted and killed their persecutors. This movie outing was my big adventure. I was absolutely fascinated. For the first time I experienced being engrossed in a bigger-than-life experience — the colors, the sounds and the story of a big screen motion picture. The Last Days of Pompeii moved me deeply. When I held my grandfather’s hand walking out of the theater, the world seemed different. After this intensely emotional experience I felt close to him for the first time in my life. A new and unfamiliar bond had developed between us, as if we had prevailed together over a real tragedy as opposed to one on the screen, as if we had stuck together during a real war and not a projected fantasy battle. Our relationship was transformed. From that day on we became movie buddies. No one else in our family shared our interest. My first motion picture also opened my eyes to an important value, standing up and fighting for one’s true beliefs. In some ways I had been aware of this all along, but it was not very clear in my mind, and I certainly did not have the words to articulate it. The movie demonstrated that there have been people in the world who followed this principle. Although I had felt drawn to stories about Christians and other heroes before, the film brought their lives to my awareness in a much more vivid fashion. Since I was raised Catholic and felt deeply committed to my seven-year-old Christian faith at the time, the movie provided a significant spiritual experience as well. I perceived the film heroes as strong and courageous when they faced their immense challenges. Today I remember that for a long time after watching the movie, I saw myself as one

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of them. I felt strong, capable of taking on my problems. The next day in school, I, “the hero,” started talking casually to my classmates. It wasn’t hard at all. Making contact actually felt surprisingly effortless. I forgot my shyness. At first I almost could not believe that my classmates responded in a friendly manner. Over time I got used to it and new friendships developed. I believe that this first motion picture and the subsequent films I viewed about heroes and their challenges created an important imprint on my young soul. They helped me develop an adventurous spirit and the courage to take risks that supported me in my development. After my first adventure with my grandfather I saw many more movies that told stories of heroes. Some were ancient Romans, some cowboys and Indians who fought with their enemies or struggled with other big challenges and eventually triumphed over them. This early positive experience with the movies planted a seed that continued to grow throughout my life. I have long been a confirmed movie lover. That personal interest turned professional after I began my career as a psychotherapist and first learned about the technique of using movies as a tool for psychological healing and personal growth. E-Motion Picture Magic grew out of this personal and professional interest. It is more than merely a guide to selecting a film to improve your mood. It goes beyond discussion of psychological theory and spiritual advice (though it includes a good deal of both). It is intended to be very “hands-on,” a tool for exploring and developing your inner life. Use the exercises that appeal to you and save the rest. Perhaps you will feel like doing them at another time. To introduce the notion of the exercises I encourage you to start with this one below. Contemplate the questions. While you’re thinking about your answers, it might help to write down your thoughts.

“The universe will reward you for taking risks on its behalf.” Shakti Gawain

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Exercise 1: Beginning Your Process
Do you remember your first important movie experience?
How did it affect you?
Do you believe that it might have had an impact on how you see yourself and the world today? Every developmental stage seemed to draw me to a different genre of film. As I entered my teenage years, I lost interest in adventure movies and became fascinated with romantic movies. This was a time of insecurity and doubt about my selfimage as a developing young woman. What was a romantic relationship like? Would I meet someone who loved me? What was it like to get close? I was a normal teenager and like most of my peers, most of my daily thoughts focused on these questions. Various novels and magazines helped me glimpse this frightening and unknown world, but nothing gave me as complete a window into this aspect of life as certain films I saw. Looking back now I can see that many unrealistic depictions of romance — including the many “Hollywood endings” depicted in movies — may have been a cause for some unfortunately distorted expectations later. At the time, however, I was hungry for any modeling that romantic films were able to provide. When I was sixteen years old I was at the height of my worries and fears about dating. I felt terribly awkward around boys and could not imagine how these feelings might ever change — until I saw Love Story (1970). Though the ending was heart wrenching, my thoughts tended to focus on the beginning of the film. I was amazed to see the same insecure and nervous behavior in the main characters (Jennifer and Oliver) on screen that I imagined I displayed with boys. When they first met, nothing seemed to go smoothly. Their insecurity

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led to strange miscommunication. As the story progressed, however, I noticed that they did not hide with shame but started to admire and eventually love each other. Again, it seemed as if I suddenly saw things with different eyes. Now I understood that the world was not going to end when I felt anxiety about meeting a boy I liked. It was easier, at least for a while, to accept my own insecurities. Now I noticed something of which previously I had been unaware: the boys to whom I was attracted were at least as anxious as I. To my surprise my nervousness diminished as I became less concerned about my own feelings. Later, whenever my doubts and fears about my impression on others returned, I recalled the awkwardness of Jennifer and Oliver in the movie and felt reassured that I was normal. This helped me to develop more self-esteem over time in my response to boys for whom I felt an attraction. I still appreciate the help I received from the world of film during this significant phase of my life. I believe that movies like Love Story helped me learn patience and compassion with myself at a time when I thought I was failing terribly because of my insecurities. You may have experienced different excitements and challenges during your teenage years. Most likely these experiences imprinted significantly on your personality, your relationships, and your life goals. Movies may have played an important role in this process. Write down your thoughts to the following questions: Exercise 2: Remembering Your Teenage Years
Do you remember a movie that had a special impact on you during your teenage years?
How did it affect you?
Do you believe that it might have had an impact on how you see yourself and the world today?

“In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”

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“In the dark time, the eye begins to see.” Theodore Roethke

Later I had to face several losses and disappointments. One of the biggest challenges was a life-threatening, disabling illness. After a time, it became clear that I would live, but the question still remained as to how I would live. I learned through this shocking wake-up call that I could never take anything for granted. All possibility of reaching the goals to which I had previously aspired seemed to evaporate. Relationships changed dramatically. My future suddenly appeared a complete blank. It presented a frightening picture. The traumatic nature of this ordeal made it hard to use the spiritual practices that previously had helped me find inner peace. I was very depressed and felt cut off from everyone around me as well as from my true self. Even the solace of tears eluded me. I had become emotionally paralyzed and could not even cry. During this time certain kinds of movies seemed amazingly helpful, even transformative. I noticed with surprise that I started crying uncontrollably whenever I saw films that showed characters in tragic experiences. I made a point of going to movie theaters by myself and sitting in the last row. In the protective darkness of this environment all the blocked up tears started flowing in response to watching the characters’ pain. I still recall vividly the strong cathartic effect of watching the political and emotional drama The Unbearable Lightness of Being (1988), and the portrayal of illness and death in Terms of Endearment (1983). My catharsis felt emotionally liberating. Surprisingly, I experienced these movies as comforting too because they showed me that I wasn’t the only person who suffered. Watching the characters’ hardships helped me put things in perspective, and I recognized that I was comparatively welloff. After several months I noticed that tears did not flow as easily anymore in response to a touching film scene. It felt like some inner pressure had been released and my focus shifted. Intuitively I now began seeking out movies that helped support a different aspect of my recovery. During this phase I watched films in which a character faced almost bigger-thanlife challenges, suffered from repeated setbacks, prevailed over

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obstacles, and experienced an internal transformation. Recognizing that the characters had grown immensely in this often agonizing process, I was then able to touch into my own hope and deep inner knowing that this might be possible for me too. I became fascinated by movies like My Left Foot (1989) where Christy, who has cerebral palsy, gradually becomes an artist, writer, and eventually a husband. Among others I watched Places in the Heart (1984) several times. Here, the main character, Edna, masters many overwhelming problems successfully after her husband dies. Each time I saw this film it enabled me to access my own strength, courage, and determination not to let my challenges defeat me. Instead, I started to believe that I, like these movie characters, could eventually come out of this life crisis matured as well as emotionally and spiritually transformed. You may have experienced significant crises in your life that challenged you emotionally. Perhaps you are in the middle of working through a trauma or a loss. In response, you may feel sad, depressed, or anxious. Write down any thoughts in response to the following questions: Exercise 3: Remembering Your Hard Times
Do you remember certain movies that affected you strongly when you experienced hard times?
If you experience difficult challenges right now, ask yourself: What do you need most — catharsis, comfort, encouragement, or modeling of transformation?
What kind of movie do you feel intuitively drawn to? For many years I have felt drawn to a variety of movies and watched them with much enjoyment. After I started using the principles of E-Motion Picture Magic I not only enjoyed the movies for entertainment, but I noticed consciously how I felt

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“I cannot believe that the inscrutable universe turns on an axis of suffering; surely the strange beauty of the world must somewhere rest on pure joy!” Louise Bogan

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“It is within my power either to serve God or not to serve him. Serving Him, I add to my own good and the good of the whole world. Not serving Him, I forfeit my own good and deprive the world of that good, which was in my power to create.” Leo Tolstoy

most deeply moved when a character demonstrated a strong commitment to their authentic truth or their spiritual self. For example in Whale Rider (2003) a young Maori girl challenges a thousand years of cultural tribal history to fulfill her spiritual destiny. Another one is Powder (1995) where the main character, Powder, is in touch with deep spiritual truths. Powder is made an outcast because of his ability to tap into certain powers that frighten people, but he remains committed to himself, nevertheless. Storytelling has always been the preferred tool of great wisdom teachers. They use stories as allegories to convey profound messages. Some screenwriters follow in their footsteps. When the allegorical messages of such movies touch me, I feel reconnected to my own authentic and spiritual self. Feeling frequently caught up in life’s distractions, these films call me back to my true priorities and values. You may have felt deeply touched by certain movies too. Again, write down some notes about your thoughts in response to these questions: Exercise 4: Films That Move You Deeply
Do you remember movies, characters, or film scenes that moved you?
What kind of feelings did they elicit?
Do you learn anything about yourself as you contemplate your response?

Using Movies for Personal and Spiritual Growth Since movies have impacted my life in such a powerful way, it did not seem far-fetched to start wondering how they might be used systematically for emotional healing as well as personal and even spiritual growth. At the same time I encountered amazingly transformative therapeutic and spiritual practices on my personal path and in my training as a psychotherapist.

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Working with individual clients and my cinema therapy group, I have observed how these various practices and the power of films can enhance and complement each other. Movies work on many levels. I use them in three different ways: Prescriptively (using films to model or illustrate specific desired qualities or behaviors), Evocatively (using films for selfdiscovery), Cathartically (using films to find emotional release).

The Prescriptive Way This approach is based on the assumption that watching a movie can put us into a light trance state, similar to the state often achieved via guided visualizations. In therapy this kind of trance work is designed to help clients get in touch with a mature and wise part of themselves that helps them overcome problems and strengthen positive qualities. As you have already learned, certain films had this kind of effect on me. Early in my life films helped me increase my selfesteem and work with anxiety. They also taught me to connect with and strengthen my courage and determination. Many of my clients experienced amazing results in a similar way when they watched movies under my guidance. I concluded that a combination of watching certain films with conscious awareness combined with effective therapeutic methods helps to reach deep layers of the psyche to bring about healing and growth. Using the Prescriptive way, specific films are recommended as a kind of teaching tale, to model problem solving, or to access and develop an undiscovered capacity. They also can be chosen to demonstrate the wrong way of doing things so the viewer can learn by proxy. In Chapters 4 through 7 you will be introduced to some applications of this approach.

The Evocative Way Another way of utilizing movies in a therapeutic and growthprovoking manner borrows from dream work. Films can be

“Ancient sages and contemporary psychologists alike insist that music, art, and drama are potent transformer of consciousness.” Marsha Sinetar

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“Movies do more than just entertain. A good movie can also teach.” John K. Clemens

seen as the “collective dreams” of our times. When certain movies resonate with us, they touch into the unconscious part of our psyche. A film may move us deeply, as I experienced with Whale Rider and Powder. A character or a scene might also upset us intensely. Understanding our emotional responses to movies, just as understanding our nighttime dreams, can serve as a window to our unconscious. Both are ways to bring our unconscious inner world to a conscious level. One of the most effective ways of using dreams to tap the wisdom of the unconscious can be found in Jeremy Taylor’s book Where People Fly and Water Runs Uphill.1 I have adapted some of his basic principles for interpretation and utilization of dreams to the process of self-discovery and growth through films. As you understand your responses to movie characters, you will get to know yourself in ways of which you were previously unaware. Consequently these responses will teach you how to reach increased health and wholeness. This is possible because expanded awareness alone often helps us to let go of unhealthy patterns and reconnect with our authentic self. In case insight alone is not sufficient, I will also introduce a series of exercises to work with your new discoveries. In this process films are used in an evocative way. Different from the Prescriptive way, the choice of films is not limited to a certain kind of movie. As it is possible to gain insights from any dream, your emotional responses to almost any kind of movie can teach you to understand yourself better. You will be introduced to this approach in chapters 8 through 10.

The Cathartic Way Our cultural preference for processing emotions cognitively instead of feeling them in our bodies tends to maintain and prolong distress. Emotions are stored in the body, not only the mind. Cathartic therapeutic techniques allow therapists to help clients access these stored emotions and release them. These methods are based on the assumption that the more catharsis

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clients experience, the faster they move through the healing process. Painful emotions can do more than produce tears; they have also been proven to create stress chemicals in our bodies. Catharsis helps to counter these by releasing buried feelings. Nature has provided us natural cathartic processes like laughing and crying to move us through and beyond our pain. Because many films transmit ideas through emotion rather than intellect, they can neutralize the instinct to suppress feelings and trigger emotional release. By eliciting emotions, watching movies can open doors that otherwise might stay closed. For many of us it is safer and therefore easier to let go of our defenses while watching a movie than it is in real life with real people. By identifying with certain characters and their predicaments, we can experience emotions that lie hidden from our awareness. Aristotle theorized, “Tragic plays have the capacity to purify the spirit and aid us in coping with aspects of life that cannot be reconciled by rational thought.” He insisted on the cathartic power of tragedy because it “cleanses disordered emotions and heals trauma.” As my own experiences bear out, sometimes tears flow over a sentimental film but not in real life, especially under duress. Watching and empathizing with a movie character who experiences tragedy can stimulate the desired emotional release. This release usually lifts our spirits for a little while as the overwhelming emotion diminishes. Energy that was drained by depression can reemerge, at least temporarily. Often this “break” allows a depressed person to start exploring and healing the underlying issues that caused the depression originally. Cathartic psychotherapy tells us that laughter too releases emotion. It provides the physical process that releases tension, stress, and pain, physically as well as emotionally. Laughter decreases stress hormones, increases pain-relieving hormones, and activates our immune system. As it does, it enriches our body’s biological drug store.

“The single most important conclusion I have come to in my work is that all dreams come in the service of health and wholeness.” Jeremy Taylor

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“Films trigger emotions and open doors that might otherwise be closed.” John W. Hesley & Jan G. Hesley

The late author Norman Cousins wrote about watching humorous films as part of his recovery from degenerative disease: “Ten minutes of genuine belly laughter had an anesthetic effect and would give me at least two hours of pain-free sleep.”2 Increased physical well-being most often improves our psychological state. Laughter can also relieve anxiety as well as reduce aggression and fear. Many clients have told me that after watching a humorous movie they were able to approach a solution to a problem they were worried about with less emotional involvement and a fresh and creative perspective. Even light depression can lift for a while. Most of us respond differently to different kinds of humorous or sad movies. With our unique sensibilities, some of us like intellectual humor, some gallows humor, some slapstick, etc. A “one-hanky” film for one person might be a “five-hanky” movie for her friend. Therefore you will find the best emotional release when you choose a movie using your own experience of your typical emotional responses. For guidance consult the Film Index. You will find two categories that are designed to help you choose movies for catharsis: Laugher Works As Medicine (under Inspiration) and Crying For Emotional Catharsis (under Personal Questions). The criteria you use in selecting your film should not be based on the same criteria typically used by a movie critic or a jury of a film festival. For E-Motion Picture Magic to be effective it is much more important that your choice center on finding a film that speaks to you about your specific life situation, not on whether it has high artistic merit. A movie that touches you deeply or demonstrates a character development you are aspiring to will help you best with your healing or personal growth. Through the exercises and film recommendations in this book you will learn to choose the right movie for your specific need at a certain time.

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2 How Movies Support Healing and Transformation When Movies Impact Us My first inklings about cinema therapy came from stories I heard. Prior to having encountered the term “cinema therapy,” and before I thought about the idea of using films therapeutically, several friends and clients confirmed my own experiences when they told me how films had affected them. Their reports illustrate how, even without the assistance of a therapist, individuals sometimes utilize movies for their own healing and growth. The following stories help explain how motion pictures can effect our psychological well-being in a powerful way. Elaine feels bad about herself. A graduate student in her third year, she has just left her classroom and feels overwhelmed by the demands of the program. Her immediate problem is a

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“Every time you don’t follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.” Shakti Gawain

paper. It was assigned two weeks ago and was due yesterday. She wonders whether she is capable of writing it. Elaine has very high expectations of herself and does not know how to start writing. Nothing she thinks of seems good enough. Sitting in front of her computer and wracking her brain just seems to make things worse. She gets increasingly fearful of making mistakes, begins criticizing herself, and feels depressed. From experience Elaine knows that watching one of her favorite lighthearted comedy movies will interrupt her in her habitual self-criticism and lift her mood. She decides to rent A Fish Called Wanda (1988). Many scenes in this film make her laugh. As she watches, her emotions change. Mistakes the characters make are portrayed in a humorous, uplifting, and forgiving manner. Elaine starts feeling lighter, more optimistic. After the movie she notices that, somehow, the negative beliefs about herself have dissipated. For the time being she feels more accepting of herself. She makes some tea and sits down at her computer. Ideas about the paper begin to pop into her mind. She feels just a little more confident and creative. As she starts writing, Elaine’s trust in her capability to write a good paper grows. Alice is in a very dark spot in her life. Yesterday she had another big fight with her husband. It became clear to her that her marriage might end soon. She had tried for a long time to make it work. Because of her overwhelming sadness at this prospect she made a big mistake at work and was reprimanded. Now Alice remembers hearing about the power of positive thinking. She tries to cheer herself up by thinking uplifting thoughts, but try as she might, she comes up blank. Finally she recalls that in the past, whenever she has been really sad, crying always made her feel better. But today, tears somehow seem blocked; she can find no emotional release. Alice knows that renting a sad movie sometimes opens the floodgates. She rents Snow Falling on Cedars (1999) because

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she remembers that she cried when she saw this film a few years ago. As she watches the sad scenes, tears start flowing. It feels really good to cry, and her mood lifts a little. Things do not look as bleak anymore. The thought occurs to her that there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. For the first time she started accepting that her marriage might be over soon and that she might be happy again after a period of grieving. Hal has a very hard time making a decision. He has received two job offers and is going back and forth, favoring one, then the other. He even writes down all the pluses and minuses of each. Neither job seems to stand out as an obvious choice. He feels kind of paralyzed, tense. His head starts hurting. Hal knows that he cannot make a decision from this tense inner place. He struggles for hours until his friend Mark happens to come over. Mark has brought a video to watch together: Jonathan Livingston Seagull (1973). After they watch the film, Hal feels somehow lighter and inspired. It is as if something in his consciousness has shifted away from his usual concentrated thinking mode. His tense, arduous mentality changes into an open-minded, relaxed attitude. When the two friends start talking about the pros and cons of Hal’s job offers, he suddenly knows intuitively from deep inside, which of the jobs is best for him. Sally feels confused and worried. Last night she became very angry with her boyfriend Jim and yelled at him. This led to a big fight. Now she feels bad because she sees that the small mistake he made when they cooked dinner together did not justify her acting out that way. The real reason for her reaction was her hurt about his plans to leave the next morning for a two-week fishing trip with friends. This made her feel excluded and abandoned. Sally intuitively senses that it would help both of them if she apologized, but she is afraid this would make her look stupid and needy. It could make her feel too vulnerable and weak. She

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“There is vitality, a life force, energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action and because there is only one of you all the time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.” Martha Graham

believes that Jim might take advantage of her vulnerability, criticize her, or push her away. Then she would feel even worse. So she discusses this inner conflict with her friends. Unfortunately they have no useful advice for her. Suddenly a movie scene appears to Sally: The character, Helen, in Sliding Doors (1998) did not seem to worry about her vulnerability when she ran into her boyfriend James on the street after having been separated for some time. She remembers that Helen expressed her desire for James even though she was not sure whether he was still interested in her. Sally decides to watch this film again and pays close attention to this scene. In the movie Helen looks like she put herself out on a limb. She looks emotionally vulnerable but not weak at all. In fact, she seems kind of courageous and strong, allowing herself to be so open and vulnerable. James responds with emotional openness too, and they develop a close relationship. Sally feels very inspired. Suddenly she can identify with Helen. What Helen demonstrated, Sally can do too. Her perception of Jim changes as well. Remembering how goodhearted her boyfriend actually is, she suddenly realizes that they will have an opportunity to experience more emotional closeness as soon as she apologizes for her yelling and expresses the truth about the hurt she had felt beneath her anger. Cindy sits in a doctor’s waiting room reading a magazine about psychology. She learns that children who grow up with alcoholic and dysfunctional parents usually believe that their experience is normal. She also finds out that this normalization is their way of coping with the pain of their unfortunate situation. That’s how these children make their lives work. They do not have a choice because they depend on their parents for physical survival and emotional well-being. The article continues that later in life these children frequently create dysfunctional families of their own. Cindy is surprised because she grew up as an only child with her divorced, severely alcoholic, and frequently abusive mother. Cindy was never allowed to

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play with friends from school or visit their houses. Having been married happily for twenty-five years, she raised two wonderful children. The next day, on a walk, she tells her girlfriend about the article and a memory that came back to her after reading it. She remembered being seven years old and thinking that there was something very different in her home from how it was supposed to be. Now both women wondered how she could have known at that young age that something was seriously wrong at home. How did she know that parents can and should be different from her out-of-control mother? As they talked, suddenly Cindy remembered that anything she knew about families in general was from watching movies and shows on television. While mom was getting drunk or sleeping it off, there was nothing else to do except sit in front of the television. She was a little embarrassed when she shared this with her friend because everyone seemed to be against kids spending too much time watching television these days. But Cindy is now convinced that watching many different kinds of films helped her intuitively understand the difference between healthy and dysfunctional families when she was a child. Through movies she also learned about a big range of feelings that she almost never experienced at home, such as love, joy, trust, and compassion. Her mother demonstrated anger almost exclusively. Now Cindy thinks that watching movies as a child helped her not repeat her mother’s mistakes later in her own life. Some movies taught her hope and courage. She especially remembers watching The Wizard of Oz (1939) whenever she had an opportunity. Even now, when she feels afraid or depressed because she faces career or health challenges, Cindy watches films that help her find courage. She was surprised when she noticed that the heroes in these movies were merely adult versions of the characters in films she had seen as a child. The basic structure of their plots and their allegorical messages were almost the same.

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“Fairy tales deal in literary form with the basic problems of life, particularly those inherent in the struggle to achieve maturity.” Bruno Bettleheim

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Why Movie Plots Affect Us In order to understand the effects of movies, a multidisciplinary approach is needed. The following explorations therefore draw from theories in several relevant disciplines.

“Trust in yourself. Your perceptions are often far more accurate than you are willing to believe.” Claudia Black

Elaine obsessed over her paper. She needed a little vacation from her troubles. A lighthearted film kept her from spiraling into a more depressed mood. This is not about escaping from problems. Watching certain movies can help us approach a solution with less emotional involvement and obsessing. It creates an opening for a fresh and creative perspective. New hypotheses in the science of evolution suggest that early humans may have increased their odds of survival by learning from their mistakes. Pain plays a key role in this process. And just as physical pain indicates that there is something wrong in our body, emotional pain, such as worries and depressed feelings, might indicate a need for learning from a mistake we made. Instead of using these feelings as an indicator for a need to make improvements and focusing on finding creative ways to resolve a problem, we often get stuck in obsessive negative thinking, which can lead to spiraling hopelessness and depression. Elaine stopped this cycle early and was able to access her creativity, which had been blocked by her negative beliefs about herself. Alice experienced emotional release when she watched a sad movie. Her tears opened a door through which she saw that her suffering would not last forever. This created a break in the overwhelming flood of emotions she had been feeling, which allowed her natural grief and despair to start the healing process. Most people say they feel better after they cry. Crying makes people feel better because emotional tears help rid the body of chemicals that build up as a result of stress. Emotional tears (produced by showing sad movies) have more protein and

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various stress hormones in them, than do irritant tears (triggered by onion vapors). Some researchers theorize that crying may stimulate the release of endorphins, substances that elevate our mood and relieve pain. Emotional release through tears may not be possible for everyone in all situations, however. Though crying is more acceptable now than it once was, it still elicits embarrassment in many of us, which sometimes outweighs the benefits. In this case tears would only trigger an additional kind of emotional stress. For some shame might block the tears that a sad movie might otherwise elicit. Sometimes this can be mitigated by watching the film together with a trusted, compassionate person and in a safe environment, perhaps at home. Hal was caught in his logical thinking mode about his job decision. He needed to step back, open up to another dimension of his psyche, his intuition and inner wisdom. This way it became easier for him to make his decision. Some relate this inner knowing to the right hemisphere of the brain. Others just refer to it as making a decision from the gut. Most of us can process more information in the more relaxed and expansive mental state that Hal experienced as a result of watching an inspirational movie. Elaine, Alice, and Hal each experienced a shift in their awareness by watching a film. Previously, each had experienced a buildup of tension when their effort to resolve their problems by thinking about them did not work. All three changed from an active, perhaps even obsessive thinking mode to a more receptive inner stance as they watched the movies. An unknown author said, “Our pain is a measure of our resistance to life as it is unfolding. Sometimes that pain is a call to action. Sometimes it is a call to prayer. Sometimes it is a call to surrender.” If we hit a wall as we try hard to fix a problem by thinking intensely about it, we need to admit to ourselves that our logical mind is not always the most useful tool. In such a case we might benefit from adopting a more passive, recep-

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“The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from necessity. The creative mind plays with the object it loves.” Carl Gustav Jung

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“The artist is the one who communicates myth for today.” Joseph Campbell

tive internal stance. This is called surrender. Our passive receptivity experienced while watching a movie supports this inner shift. With our habitual, often externally oriented and logical approach to problems, we sometimes stand in our own way. We forget to give the deeper layers of our soul, our intuition, more room to guide us; the source of our inner wisdom and creative solutions for our problems often lie there. New possibilities can emerge; new ideas pop up as we get out of the way and let our deeper soul have more say in how we live. There are many tools available to make this internal shift to access our inner wisdom, such as writing, drawing, praying, meditating, yoga, walks in nature, hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, and many more. Watching certain films, especially if done with conscious awareness can serve as another important instrument for this process. Sally’s perspective changed when she remembered a movie scene in which a character modeled an inner posture that she wanted to adopt. This was possible because she was able to see herself as the character. Sally already carried the capacity to own her mistakes and show vulnerability inside herself. Otherwise she would not have recognized this strength in the character, Helen. But before she remembered the movie scene, Sally was unable to access this latent capacity on her own. In times of emotional stress we are often not aware of our assets and the means by which we can reconnect with them. Identifying with Helen helped Sally to recall her forgotten resource and to find the right opportunity for this capacity to be applied. Young Cindy learned from television and movies that family life can be different from hers with an abusive, alcoholic mother. This understanding might have played a major role in preventing Cindy from perpetuating the dysfunctional pattern with her children in her own family. As an adult, when she faced challenges again, Cindy continued to use films because

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of their modeling capacity. They helped her find courage because many screenplays provide a template for ordering and understanding the emotions of life’s changes. Movies are a significant part of our evolving mythology. The individual is linked to the past of the whole species and the long stretch of evolution of the organism. Carl Gustav Jung placed the psyche within the evolutionary process. According to his theory, we inherit as part of our humanity, a collective unconscious, the part of our mind that is prefigured by evolution, just as is the body. Jung also said that mythic stories make up a collective “dream.” The whole of mythology can be taken as a sort of projection of the collective unconscious. The patterns of myth are used in many fairy tales, novels, theater plays, and screenplays for movies. Therefore our responses to certain movies demonstrate recognition of these deep layers of our unconscious. Films, like myths, tap into patterns of the collective unconscious. Their stories have such a powerful effect on us because they speak directly to the heart and spirit, avoiding the resistance of the conscious mind. In doing so they help us in our personal process of healing and transformation. If we make the following assumptions:
That striving toward growth and transformation by working with and taking on life’s challenges is part of human nature;
That sometimes this impulse, and our capacity to respond to it in a healthy way, is compromised;
That myths, as products of the collective unconscious, can help us re-access this capacity through modeling;
That movies express our evolving mythology;
That many typical screenplays, which mirror real-life transitions, are structured in a way that is similar to myths; then this conclusion makes sense:
Watching certain movies can support our psyche’s growth and transformation.

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“The Hero’s Journey is not an invention, but an observation. It is a recognition of a beautiful design, a set of principles that govern the conduct of life and the world of storytelling the way physics and chemistry govern the physical world.” Christopher Vogler

Christopher Vogler points out in The Writer’s Journey that the ideas embedded in mythology and identified by Joseph Campbell in The Hero With a Thousand Faces can be applied to understanding almost any human problem. The stages of the Hero’s Journey can be traced in all kinds of stories, not just those that feature heroic physical action and adventure, but also in romance, comedy, and thrillers, etc. “The protagonist of every story is the hero of a journey, even if the path leads only in his own mind or into the realm of relationships.”1 Dorothy’s voyage in The Wizard of Oz shows how film characters’ stories are often similar to the Hero’s Journey. On her quest she goes through phases of hesitation, fear, meeting mentors, becoming aware that she cannot go back, facing tests, obstacles, and crises, confronting fear, gaining new perspective, and undergoing inner change. For example, she brings back a new idea of home, a new concept of “Self.” In The Laugh & Cry Movie Guide Cathie Glenn Sturdevant describes the typical plot development according to modern rules of screenplay writing.2 The main character commits to a quest after a surprising loss of innocence, goes through a phase of inner conflict about taking on a challenge, and reaches a point of no return. Then the film hero acts despite fear, releases old ideas, renews his or her commitment, acts without fear, sometimes revises plans into realistic goals, and concludes the original quest by resolving it from a new perspective. These similarities justify the assumption that the patterns of many movie plots are born out of the aspect of the collective unconscious that is reflected in our mythology. The viewer is hooked into the same pool of consciousness as the screenwriter. Both tap into the following wisdom: The antidote for the ache lies in ceasing the resistance to our calling, finding the courage to face our worst fears, and consequently expanding our possibilities. Especially when we go through life changes, the movies with these kinds of typical screenplays can help us access our courage to release the hurt that is stuck in the past and the fear and angst projected into the future. We follow the

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characters’ process of letting go and learn to move into the present moment where we can take action with clarity. For these film stories to be effective, they do not need to match our specific life circumstances. Our mind translates the allegoric messages from the movie into the appropriate guidance for our situation. The transformative power of symbols and metaphors has long been utilized in psychotherapy. Depth psychotherapy assumes that the unconscious communicates its content primarily in symbols. Other therapeutic approaches, like hypnotherapy for example, developed methods that impact the unconscious through metaphors and allegoric teaching tales because it is believed that they address the unconscious and bypass the conscious mind. Imagery that is stimulated through the symbolism seen in films increases feelings that otherwise have not been experienced in this way. With certain movies this process engages insight and creative problem solving by circumventing obsessive thought patterns.

Effects of the Cinematic Medium Itself Movies affect us not only through the story they are telling. They also elicit emotions by stimulating our senses: sight through visual images and hearing through music and other sounds. Directors use visual effects, spatial relations, timing, sound effects, and music to prompt the emotions of the audience in a particular direction, thus widening the range of their perception. If you are intrigued by the emotional effect of movies through sensory input, try an experiment that psychophysiology researchers have performed in a more precise fashion. Rent a movie that has affected you emotionally in the past. It might have made you feel joyful, openhearted, inspired, scared, or sad. As you watch the movie, notice which scenes affect you strongly. If one of these scenes has minimal or no dialog but intense music, stop and rewind the tape to the beginning of the sequence, take a ten minute break, and watch it again, this time

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“It may be much easier to understand how to resolve a movie character’s dilemma than your opwn situation. Then you can evaluate how those solutions might aply to your challenge.” Cathie Glenn Sturdevant

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“Music is the shorthand of emotion. Emotions, which let themselves be described in words with such difficulty, are directly conveyed. . . in music, and in its power and significance.” Leo Tolstoy

with no sound. Afterwards watch it one more time with the sound turned on. Compare how this film sequence impacts you differently with and without music. Most likely you will find the difference in emotional impact amazing. Charles Tart explains that music can stimulate the midbrain, the seat of emotional response, which encourages access to feelings.3 Hearing certain kinds of music, our inner control is loosened and a greater range of sensitivity to feelings is made possible. Therefore the score plays a significant role in how movies affect us, especially when they are utilized for catharsis (see The Cathartic Way, above). Carol A. Bush emphasizes in Healing Imagery & Music that music expresses universal themes and imagery and connects us with our deeper self. “It enters the brain spreading out in the corpus callosum where memory is stored. From there it can stimulate the capacity of recall, loosening a flood of psychologically significant images or related memories.”4 In the process of self-discovery through movies, the score contributes to the process of gaining access to psychological material that has not been fully conscious (see The Evocative Way, above). Music brings increased dimensionality to movies; it helps to carry our experience along, encouraging the unfolding of dynamic material. In most films music is used to intensify the impression of the visual image by providing a parallel illustration of the same idea. Referring to plays, Aristotle said that music produces emotional dispositions like those evoked under real conditions. In movies, music enhances their capacity to draw us into the action and therefore enables us to identify with the characters more than acting alone can do. When we choose certain films, this supports our process of assimilating messages that guide us in our healing and personal growth (see The Prescriptive Way, above). Unlike any other medium, music, together with the emotional capacity of the visual channel, affords the possibility of manipulation. Since we want to be “manipulated” into becoming healthy and whole, our choice of movie is a big factor when

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we use the prescriptive way. By selecting the appropriate films we can learn to improve ourselves. This assumption is supported not only by psychology but also by theories of learning and creativity. Research about accelerated learning indicates that acquisition and retention are enhanced when, in addition to the use of stories and metaphors, multiple senses are engaged during the learning process. Teaching methods that draw from this are demonstrated in movies like Dead Poet’s Society (1989) and more recently, Pay It Forward (2000). These films portray teachers who believe that the way to teach their students is by attaching meaning to the material; by creating an environment or situation where students will experience what is being taught on many levels, rather than just reading or hearing about it. Movies can provide a similar learning environment. Elaine, Alice, and Hal experienced a shift in their awareness by watching a certain film after efforts to solve their problems cognitively had failed. Howard Gardner suggests that we have multiple “intelligences.”5 The more of these intelligences we access, the faster we learn, because by doing so we employ different methods of information processing. Sturdevant hypothesizes that watching movies can engage most of these intelligences:6
The film’s plot engages our logical intelligence
Script dialogue engages the linguistic intelligence
Pictures, colors, and symbols on the screen engage the visual-spatial intelligence
Sounds and music engage our musical intelligence
Storytelling engages the interpersonal intelligence
Movement engages the kinesthetic intelligence
Self-reflection or inner guidance, as demonstrated especially in inspirational films, engages the intrapsychic intelligence The viewer accesses the last three intelligences not directly but through identification with the characters.

“As the mind explores the symbol, it is led to ideas that lie beyond the grasp of reason.” Carl Gustav Jung

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The above demonstrates how movies speak to us on a variety of psychological and physiological channels; and the effect is synergistic, all of which further elevates cinema’s potential for healing and transformation. Film characters often model strength, courage, and other positive qualities, helping us through life’s difficult times. Movies also connect with us on a mythological level, spurring us to live from our deepest, wisest self. Many of us naturally find that certain films jog us out of unhealthy patterns of emotion and thought. If specific movie recommendations and some guiding exercises are added, this effect can be utilized and significantly enhanced.

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3 Watching Movies With Conscious Awareness One of the most important aspects in beginning to use EMotion Picture Magic is learning to watch films with conscious awareness. We enhance our conscious awareness when we bring non-judging attention, curiosity, and acceptance to whatever is arising in our experience of the present moment. Many psychotherapeutic and spiritual orientations teach us to become more aware of ourselves because they recognize the healing power of awareness. The Jewish Talmud points out that normally we do not see what we think we see, that what we perceive is more a reflection of us than it is objectively it. Everything we experience is altered and shaped by our minds. Our desires filter our selection of the items that we perceive. Our emotions color those perceptions. And finally, our attention wanders from perception to perception, virtually guaranteeing that what we see of the world and ourselves is mostly inaccurate.

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“Like consciousness itself, film engages our senses, intellect, and heart, capturing our attention so completely that we can enter the world of selfperception.” Marsha Sinetar

Buddhism makes the same basic observation and gives it a name: mindlessness. In this usage, the term includes the absentmindedness that we mean when we say “mindless,” but it encompasses more, too — that our awareness is clouded, that we are spiritually asleep. Wise men, poets, storytellers, and philosophers have echoed this idea throughout the ages. Today, many psychologists agree with the idea that mindlessness, in the Buddhist sense, is very common, much more so than we might realize. Mindlessness conditions us to replace authentic experience with habitual responses. Think about our state of mind when we are tired, ill or in pain: we tend to have a short attention span and little patience. We often react with fear or anger and regress into old childhood patterns we thought we had outgrown. In such a low state of awareness, our motives and emotions are most likely to be habitual. It is no wonder that we often miss important details or react from an unhealthy place. Though we may not always be tired, ill, or in pain, we might experience our regular state of awareness as an almost continuous low-level discontent, nervousness, or boredom. Think of it as if everything we see, hear, touch, and smell were our own personal radio station to the world. Our low-level unease introduces background static that becomes so normal that we forget it was not always there. Just as with static on the radio, or some irritating background noise like a dripping faucet, we usually tune out this static from our direct consciousness. Often, the only time we are aware of it is when it suddenly stops. And when it does, we are relieved. Though the idea of trying to cover up background static with further noise makes little rational sense, many people, without realizing it, attempt to cover up their low-level unease by an excess use of alcohol, drugs, sex, food, work, television or shopping. When they do, that activity soon loses whatever native joy or pleasure it might have had when used in moderation. Instead, it quickly becomes infected by a compulsive quality. It becomes an addiction, and whatever ability to cover

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up the original unease the activity might have had soon disappears. Now, instead of relieving the static, it only adds to it. The only effective way to address this low-level unease is to bring it into the light of our conscious minds. But when first attempting to do so, we might encounter a strong inner resistance and negativity. These reactions manifest in various ways: impatience, fierce anger, depression, resentment, despair. At first glance, these forms of negativity make no sense; they seem an irrational response to the possibility of letting go of the unease in one’s life. After all, what possible good could be coming from that low-level discontent or nervousness? But psychologists and mystics who have probed the origins of such resistance have found that there is a certain “logic” to it: an unwise part of us believes that such negativity can manipulate reality into delivering whatever it is that it identifies as bringing happiness. For example, a man might equate financial wealth with happiness. He also believes that the only way to get wealth is to strive for it constantly. In order to maintain his motivation, he must vigilantly remind himself that his current status is extremely unsatisfying. Momentary feelings of happiness are therefore viewed as a threat to his larger goal of attaining money. The flip side of that logic is that a little unhappiness now will bring him a larger happiness later. And anything that challenges his belief in the value of his current unhappiness must be resisted. We often find ourselves in similar situations, regardless of our particular object of desire. The end result is the same: when we first try to bring our low-level unease (or static) into the light of consciousness, the resistance we often encounter can usually be traced to our perceived need to hang on to our existing beliefs about what will bring us happiness. Your resistance to increasing your awareness might also take the form of doubts like this: by only focusing on the qualities of my awareness instead of taking some kind of action, I’m really just avoiding resolving my problems.

“Unhealthy motives and emotions erupt most during moments of mindlessness.” Eckhart Tolle

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“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Teihard de Chardin

Perhaps a more realistic appraisal of this dilemma is that by being fully present to our experience, we increase the effectiveness of any potential action we might eventually take. By increasing our conscious awareness we will be less likely to react to a given situation based on past conditioning. Should a real need arise to take action, we will be more likely to respond from a place of clarity and wisdom. Even though recurring negative emotions can contain important messages, most changes that we make in our life circumstances, though they might be helpful, are ultimately only cosmetic unless they arise from a change in our level of consciousness. Most of us have had the experience of moving to a different place or trading one relationship for another only to find that nothing has really changed in how we feel about things. Many of us live in an impaired and painful state of consciousness. The great religions speak of this state as a dream, illusion, or maya in which, according to Buddhism, Christianity, and Islam, our minds are veiled. St. Paul claimed, “A veil lies over their mind,” while Islam multiplied the metaphor to seventy-thousand veils. Philosophers, poets, and psychologists have had similar ideas. Plato suggested figuratively that we live in a cave, mistaking shadow for reality. William Blake saw man as peering through “narrow chinks in his cavern,” and Charles Tart offered that we live in a “consensus trance” that is “a much more pervasive, powerful, and artificial state than ordinary hypnosis, and it is all too trancelike.” The metaphors differ, but the message is the same.1 The experience of watching movies can be seen as a metaphor for this trance or illusionary state. Becoming consciously aware in the present moment helps us to wake up. This is like remembering that we are watching a film even as we are deeply absorbed in the story. Sensing our arms as they touch the seat in a movie theater might make us conscious that we are just watching images on a screen in front of us.

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In our daily lives, concentration allows us to direct attention to whatever experiences we wish. On the other hand, conscious awareness, like the Buddhist’s mindfulness, allows us to explore these experiences in a more sensitive way. To live with increased conscious awareness is to be more present in every moment, to notice subtle details and nuances that all too often go unnoticed, to turn off our autopilot and heal our hearts and minds. Conscious awareness allows us to tune in to the deep motives and emotions of others and to empathize more strongly with them. It is an antidote to our daily mistakes, forgetfulness, and absentmindedness. And it will bring us into a more compassionate relationship with ourselves. Another benefit of increasing our awareness is that it sharpens our senses, enhances our pleasure in small moments, and decreases our cravings for quantity, while simultaneously increasing our appreciation for quality. It also fosters concentration and calm, and frees us from unconscious destructive dynamics that create painful emotions such as anger, fear, or despair. As conscious awareness deepens, we begin to notice not only our actions but also the emotions that underlie and empower them. Once these underlying self-defeating forces are brought into the light of consciousness, they tend to shrivel, losing their power over our lives. In Destructive Emotions: How Can We Overcome Them Daniel Goldman provides a commentary on meetings between him, the Dalai Lama, and world-class scientists and philosophers.2 They discuss new findings with high-tech devices that permit scientists to peer inside the brain centers responsible for calming the inner storms of rage and fear. Experiments have demonstrated that awareness training strengthens emotional stability and greatly enhances our positive moods. In an excellent study of such destructive emotions, the two main characters in the movie Changing Lanes (2002) begin to follow their impulses to their ultimate conclusion. Happily, they stop short when their own actions raise their consciousness.

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Movie Preview: Changing Lanes Two hotheads become locked in escalating rounds of retaliation when a morning rush hour fender bender causes both to miss crucial court deadlines. As he is rushing off to court from the accident, attorney Gavin hands the other man his card and says “Better luck next time!” then accidentally drops a signed form that means millions to his firm. A moment later, after Gavin refuses to give him a ride, Doyle, the other driver in the accident who is a recovering alcoholic, finds the attorney’s form. When Gavin shows up at court without it, the judge gives him until the end of the day to produce it or his firm forfeits the money. Meanwhile, Doyle wants to convince his ex-wife not to move with his children to Oregon. He hopes that by keeping his family nearby he might save his failing marriage. To accomplish that, he needs to prove to a divorce judge that he is solvent and stable and plans to do so by showing him that the bank has approved his home loan. But because of a flat tire caused by the accident he shows up twenty minutes late and finds the case has been decided without him. Blaming Gavin, he takes out his rage by taunting him with a page faxed from the form that he found. Gavin retaliates by getting a hacker friend to artificially ruin Doyle’s credit rating. A spiraling series of attacks and counterattacks eventually leads both men to see that their worst enemy is their own anger. Gavin and Doyle keep trying to demonstrate their individual power by acting out their anger at the other person. For one whole day they do not have the awareness or the inner container that would help them with their destructive emotions. In this film we see two men hit an emotional bottom. But they learn from their experience. By the end of the day, each

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man’s own anger scares him more than the other person. After reacting only to the actions of the other in unconscious ways for a long time, both became aware of themselves, their own behavior, and the subsequent consequences. This enabled both men to start taking responsibility for their actions, develop empathy for the other, and find inner peace again. A client of mine, a young woman named Nancy, came to see me to work on her sudden outbreaks of anger. She was afraid that her uncontrolled outbursts might damage her marriage. First Nancy learned different ways of managing her anger, but rage would sometimes well up in her so suddenly and strongly that she felt overtaken and out of control. Things became more manageable when she learned to become consciously aware of the very first onset of rage toward her husband, Rob. Exploring the possible origins of her anger also led to enlightening insights. But Nancy’s real breakthrough happened after I asked her to watch the video Changing Lanes. I instructed her to watch the movie while simultaneously applying the concept of conscious awareness. Her husband watched the film with her. In our next session Nancy told me that at first she completely identified with Doyle and his anger when Gavin said: “Better luck next time!” She started yelling at Gavin on the television. ”How can you do this!” She almost got into another fight with her husband who had a more removed perspective and questioned Doyle’s response to the insult. Nancy felt angry about the indifference she thought she had perceived in Rob. In her already upset state she could not objectively hear what he said. She understood him to say something like “So what?” in response to Gavin’s “Better luck next time!” But rather than get into a fight with Rob, she remembered my suggestion about conscious awareness and noticed what had just happened inside her. They turned off the video and talked. Having just seen on the screen almost exactly what she experienced inside, it was much easier for Nancy to step back and reflect on what happened as her anger rose in her.

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“We live in a consensus trance that is a much more pervasive, powerful, and artificial state than ordinary hypnosis.” Charles Tart

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“Much human suffering stems from destructive emotions, as hatred breeds violence or craving breeds addiction.” The Dalai Lama

Normally, when she would feel herself being drawn into her rage, it was impossible to take this conscious internal step back. Now, with the support of the distancing effect of the movie, plus her effort to become more aware of her emotional responses, Nancy suddenly saw how she had been caught in a very familiar pattern. She was surprised how absurd her previous reaction looked to her now and clearly recognized the process in which she tended to fall into blind rages over and over in her life. Being “blinded” in this way, at first Nancy had not been able to understand Rob’s perspective when he made the comment on the movie character’s behavior. But after her breakthrough, she told me, “I really get it now. When I’m angry I do not hear what he really says.” With more conscious awareness her perspective opened up to a more objective view of what he said. Now she understood what Rob really meant and that he was including both characters’ perspective. From this new angle she thought that his comments just reflected his way of seeing things in general, which now seemed acceptable to her. Nancy told me she felt as if she had awakened from a bad dream. For the first time, she understood on a deep level how this blinding mechanism had completely distorted her perspective of reality and how it robbed her of her capacity to see things objectively. After they talked, she and Rob finished watching the rest of the movie. Nancy said she had a much clearer perspective during this part of the film and enjoyed it much more than before. Nancy also mentioned another benefit of this process. The movie provided a voice for her to communicate something she was unable to explain before. Previously, Rob never took seriously her efforts to work on her rage in therapy. Now, during their discussion, he saw Nancy struggling and conquering her “demon” right in front of him. Afterwards she had even been able to explain the process she had just gone through. It helped that both of them witnessed the movie characters acting out their anger so destructively for a big part of the movie. Rob

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actually saw “two” movies: Changing Lanes and Nancy’s process. He was able see the difference in Nancy’s efforts as well as her level of awareness. Rob became very impressed with the progress she had made in her inner work. In our session I suggested she ask Rob to remind her of the awakening process she had gone through while watching Changing Lanes. I told her to have Rob mention the character Doyle’s name in a lighthearted or humorous way whenever he saw her falling into anger or rage. This would help her tune in to the same process in a split second and bring back the awareness she had gained that previous night. Nancy agreed and thought that this also might be fun for both of them. Weeks later Nancy told me she had experienced only one small episode of rage, which ended almost immediately when Rob followed my suggestion. As she was able to become centered and rational again, Nancy now could address more clearly the real reason for her anger. Rob was able to listen calmly and hear what she had to say.

Why Watch Movies with Conscious Awareness? It would be ideal if we were able to be consciously aware in our everyday life. If you have tried it, you might have noticed that it is not an easy task. As Nancy’s example and the movie Changing Lanes demonstrate, unconscious patterns and reactions tend to take over easily. We might get angry, frustrated, or fall into despair in response to something our boss or friend says or even just to a critical thought we had on our own. If we fail in constantly reminding ourselves to “step back” and look at the situation with more awareness, we may remain caught in one of these patterns for a long time. To enhance your conscious awareness and ability to be present, mindfulness meditation or other forms of meditation can be a helpful reminder. I have practiced different kinds of meditation and similar practices over the years. Despite this

“When anger arises it biases our perception and cognition, and there is a refractory period during the anger when you don’t even have access to your own intelligence.” Alan Wallace

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“A problem cannot be solved on the level of consciousness on which it was created.” Albert Einstein

depth of experience, it is often still hard to avoid falling into unconscious patterns of thinking and behavior that do not serve me. Though these practices were and are helpful, I became very excited when I noticed that it seemed easier to practice conscious awareness while watching a movie than it did in everyday life situations. I also discovered that using this process serves as a bridge to more awareness in general and deeper understanding of myself. It therefore also helps me to resolve issues and consequently to increase contentment in my life. I became curious why this practice was easier in the “reel” world than in the real world, and I came to the following conclusion: When we are watching a film, part of us naturally understands that we are sitting in a seat and looking at a movie screen or television. Therefore we usually have a little more emotional distance from the characters and circumstances in the film than we do with the people and situations in our real life. It is this greater distance that makes it easier to practice conscious awareness while watching a film compared to normal life situations. We do not get emotionally entangled and lost in unconscious patterns as we so often do with our spouses, friends, or colleagues. The effect is similar to a phenomenon dramatists have long used in writing and producing plays — a dynamic called “aesthetic distance.” While watching a play, an audience can be so absorbed by the action that they temporarily forget they are watching a play. A dramatist then would say that the person’s aesthetic distance has been reduced to zero. For some playwrights, this is precisely what they want. Others prefer to use various techniques to subtly, and sometimes not so subtly, remind the audience that they are in a theater watching actors on a stage. Bertolt Brecht, who wrote during the first half of the twentieth Century, is particularly associated with inventing and employing such techniques. He thought a good play should both entertain and educate, but that during the 1920s and 1930s, most plays tilted too far toward entertainment. In order to enhance the educational — some might say didactic — aspect

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of his plays, he invented several techniques to ensure that his audience maintained a level of aesthetic distance. One of these techniques was to have an actor walk across the stage during an emotionally wrenching scene holding a sign that commented on the action and reminded the audience that it was only watching an illusion. In some movies a similar effect is used, as in Equus (1977) or Wit (2001) in which the main characters address the audience from the screen. It focuses the attention back on us, the viewer. As we watch any movie, we have the opportunity to increase our aesthetic distance and consequently our conscious awareness. Reminding ourselves that we are watching a screenplay engages our observing perspective and therefore helps us to move our attention to our inner world. But no matter what we do, some part of us may be fooled, especially once our attention has been pulled into the movie. As we identify with a character, we might begin to feel his or her emotions. When we see a couple fighting on the screen we might feel the anger or frustration of one or possibly even both antagonists. Or, if somebody dies in the movie, we might feel the grief of the character that survives. This tug-of-war combination of emotional involvement and observing perspective while watching a movie is an ideal tool for learning to increase conscious awareness. Even though the movie images are outside ourselves, as we respond to them emotionally, we can see how they reflect our inner world. Through the imagery of films we can discover ourselves because the unconscious communicates its content to our conscious mind mostly in symbolic images. By studying films and our reactions to them we can learn about imbalances in the way we relate to various circumstances and people.

Where does this process lead? As you watch a film with conscious awareness, you learn to become aware of and consequently diminish your identifications

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“You can’t heal what you can’t feel. John Bradshaw

with psychological problems. That in turn can help to remove whatever blockages you might have that are preventing mental and emotional clarity. You learn to relate to the content of the mind instead of from it, which allows a whole new dimension of participation in life itself. You learn about the mind’s games and projections so you can let go of them. Problems are mindmade and do not survive when you are fully aware in the presence of the moment. Your life opens up to more peacefulness, light, inner freedom, and creativity. Sometimes it is not possible to deeply understand and immediately let go right away of your emotional reaction. Often it can take a long period of practicing before you understand your mind’s games. In the meantime watching a movie with conscious awareness helps you learn to tolerate undesired emotions in a safe environment. During such practice you no longer need to suppress your feelings. Likewise, you no longer need to act them out in destructive ways against yourself or others. In the safety of an illusory movie experience, you slowly develop a strength that will be very valuable later on when the same emotion is triggered in your real life. Think of it in the same sense as practicing a martial art or training your muscles in a gym so that you are strong enough when you have to defend yourself physically in the world. I call this psychological strengthening process creating a “larger inner container” for your undesired emotions so that you can hold them consciously. The more you learn to be able to tolerate unwanted feelings while watching a movie, the less you feel compelled to suppress them or act out against yourself or others in your real life. Instead, you become strong enough to not resist them. And the more you practice, the more confident you will be. Such practice allows you to stay centered and clear despite a rising unwanted emotion such as anger or frustration. You do not need to yell at anybody or drink alcohol to “drown your feelings.” If you just feel your undesired emotions consciously without suppressing them or acting them out, they will either

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dissolve or help you to take appropriate action, depending on what’s needed in a specific situation. The benefits are a life lived fully and spontaneously because you are no longer preoccupied defending and managing things in a reactive way. Joy, ease, and contentment can enter your life again. How long this process takes depends on the intensity of your undesired emotions and the strength of your inner container before you started this process. Watching a movie with conscious awareness can also help you regain access to certain values, virtues, or capacities in your everyday life with which you had lost touch. This process can provide an opportunity for you to become aware of your inner wisdom or higher self. You might reconnect with the most mature and healthy parts of yourself. You may notice some inner expansion or an intuitive, positive “aha” experience with new deep insights. You might leave a movie theater with an exiting new inspiration or an unexpected solution to a problem with which you have struggled. As a result of all these processes, you may find it easier to be increasingly accepting and compassionate with yourself and others.

How do we watch movies consciously? Let’s first look at the connection between conscious awareness and inner wisdom. When you experience a movie, or anything else in your life with conscious awareness, you increase your capacity to access your inner wisdom. Inner wisdom is more than knowledge. Whereas knowledge is simply acquired information, wisdom requires understanding on a deep level. “Knowledge informs us, wisdom transforms us.”3 Since our rational mind is only a small part of the portal to your inner wisdom, I suggest a process in which you watch and listen with your whole body, not simply your mind. Body awareness helps you to access inner wisdom through a felt sense rather than through mental perceptions. This approach is derived from body-focused psychotherapy such as Somatic

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“The more moments we decide to stay put and feel what’s here, the more the confidence that we can handle whatever is going on grows.” Tara Bach

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“All neurosis is a substitute for unfelt legitimate pain.” Carl Gustav Jung

Experiencing, developed by Peter Levine and Focusing, developed by Eugene Gendlin. If at any time you are finding it hard to get in touch with your body as a whole, it is usually easier to focus first on your breathing. Our awareness of our physical reactions, especially our breath, is an important vehicle to increasing awareness. The reason is that even when our mind has become disconnected from our authentic experience, our breath usually remains locked into it. Sometimes, when we attempt to mask our feelings, our breath can sometimes give them away despite our best efforts to hide them. Perhaps this is nature’s way of ensuring a certain degree of emotional transparency between the creatures of the world. Ironically, even when our breath, or some other body-language sign, broadcasts our true feelings for all to see despite our best efforts to hide them, often we are the only ones fooled by the deception. Tapping this potential key to greater awareness is a technique you can learn. A good place to begin is to find out what happened to your authentic feelings and why your body is still connected to them. The problem usually begins during infancy. Most young children quickly learn that it can be dangerous to express their full range of emotions. As they learn to hide undesired feelings from their parents, siblings, and the rest of the world, they also hide them from themselves. Gradually, they stifle their own awareness of their true state of being and learn to distrust themselves. Gaining awareness of our physical reactions, especially our breath can reveal buried experiences. One sign of neurosis is that we “forgo self-awareness for self-consciousness.” When self-conscious we project our minds outward toward others’ reactions to us. As we increase our awareness, we regain fresh, uncontaminated, whole sight. For example, as we notice a tension or an expansion in our chest, how our breaths vary, or other reactions to movie scenes and their messages, they show us our biases and pinpoint the way to our healing.4

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As you become aware of a physical sensation that is triggered by emotions during a movie experience, you increase your capacity to tolerate unwanted emotions without needing to suppress them, to numb out, act out, or release them in other unhealthy ways. You do not need to resist these feelings any more because you experienced them as just another energy in your body. Without resistance your emotions can run their course and do not get unnecessarily stronger. This can be seen as a desensitization process. Imagine that one of your recurrent undesired emotions centers on situations in which it appears you are failing to achieve a certain set goal. As you watch a film in which a character faces a similar situation, you might just notice some anxiety combined with increased tension in your stomach or faster breath as you identify with the character. As you practice the exercise at the end of this chapter, you will most likely notice that it becomes increasingly easier for you to stay with your authentic feelings and sensations in a conscious way. Your “container” will have grown larger and stronger. The next time you encounter a situation in which you appear to be failing at something, you will be able to use the same process you practiced when watching a movie. As you are able to be more centered and clear, your responses will become more and more appropriate. You will be less likely to respond in an unconscious reactive mode, or to not respond at all due to suppressed feelings. In the example above, you might be less likely to numb your fear in addictive behavior such as alcohol abuse, overeating, or overworking because you will not feel so unbearably anxious anymore. Instead of avoiding the feared challenge, you can develop the courage to face it because your anxiety no longer overwhelms or paralyzes you. You will “feel the fear and do it anyway” as the title of a popular book says. Eventually the fear will dissipate, and you will feel strong enough to take on the challenges that previously prevented you from achieving your goal. This will make you more successful in life.

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“We know that the mind can be reprogrammed, but conditioned patterns of perception tend to persist in the absence of selfawareness and conscious intention to change.” Frances Vaughan

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While the desensitization process I just described is for undesired emotions, a similar approach can help you increase and learn about your desired emotions as well. With such increased awareness, you will experience positive emotions more intensely as you watch a film. Most people go to the movies to enjoy themselves. Now you will enjoy your movie experience even more. While watching a movie with conscious awareness, you will become sensitized to desired emotions. This helps you understand how to increase the frequency and intensity of these feelings in your real life. The following examples show how a positive movie experience made me more determined to bring the same positive qualities into my life that I felt while viewing a film. I first discovered how amazingly helpful it is to watch a movie with conscious awareness when I saw Il Postino or The Postman. Movie Preview: Il Postino (The Postman) (1994) Mario’s undiscovered talents and passionate heart never had reason to show themselves. His life on a quiet Italian island had been simple, carved out for him as it was by his fisherman father. But when renowned poet Pablo Neruda is sentenced to political exile there, Mario takes the job of delivering his daily fan mail and gradually becomes friends with the famous man. Neruda introduces Mario to poetry and helps him win the heart of a local beauty that had never given Mario a second thought. For two hours, I fell under The Postman’s spell and became completely enchanted. There is much vitality and genuine passion in this film. I noticed while I watched with increased awareness that the stunning nature scenes and the simplicity in the characters’ lives made me feel joyful and relaxed. It felt as if I could

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breathe a little deeper, as if my busy life had stopped for a while, and I could just enjoy these moments of peacefulness. The tenderness in the relationship between Mario and Neruda, as well as the authenticity that Mario displayed, touched me deeply. After the closing credits this feeling stayed with me, and I recognized that the movie had brought deeply held values to my attention again, values that had been buried in my everyday life. I decided to bring these qualities back by spending more time in nature and trying to bring more tenderness and authenticity into my relationships. Tom was a friend of mine. He was depressed because of chronic pain in his hips. He had gone from doctor to doctor, had seen chiropractors and acupuncturists. Nothing seemed to help. He felt so bad he didn’t want to think about his situation any more. I noticed he had gained weight since I had last seen him. He told me he felt deflated and ready to give up. Suddenly the movie Lorenzo’s Oil came to my mind. I encouraged Tom to watch it and explained to him the process of watching with conscious awareness. Movie Preview: Lorenzo’s Oil (1992) Based on a true story, two parents struggle to find a cure for their son’s apparently incurable, degenerative and terminal disease. The Odones have a five-year-old son, Lorenzo, who is diagnosed with adrenokukodystrophy (ALD). The doctors say it is a rare disease that strikes only boys. Victims die after losing all sensory functions. All known treatments are experimental and none is rated as successful. No boy with ALD has ever survived. Though the parents enlist the boy in the most promising of the experimental treatment programs immediately following his diagnosis, the disease progresses rapidly and things look hopeless. But despite the pessimistic prognosis from all the experts the parents refuse to give up. From their various

“All you need to do to receive guidance is to ask for it and then listen.” Sanayan Roman

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“We all know we are often at our worst when we are tired and our awareness is weak. At such times we are particularly likely to react with fear or anger and to regress to childish patterns of behavior. Unhealthy motives and emotions erupt most during moments of mindlessness.” Roger Walsh

discussions with the experts it is clear to them that one problem they face is the lack of a system for integrating knowledge about the disease. So they take it upon themselves to organize an international symposium of experts and parents of afflicted boys. The father combs the medical literature looking for clues. The mother stays at the son’s side. Neither loses hope or faith, but the emotional strain takes its toll on their relationship. Eventually, they begin to connect various unrelated and overlooked theories, and despite resistance from a disbelieving medical world, they finally connect the right two ideas, discovering in the nick of time that the cure for ALD lies in olive oil.

When I saw Tom again, he told me how surprised he was at what happened to him when he watched this movie while employing the technique of conscious awareness. First he felt even worse when he sensed the parents’ pain. He noticed a sinking feeling in his stomach. As I had advised him, he stayed aware of his physical sensations and even remembered to “breathe into” them (see exercise below). After a while these difficult feelings dissipated, and he noticed how he became more and more excited. He even got in touch with a deep inner knowing, like a hunch or an intuition that he should not give up yet but keep looking for ways to heal his hips. This made him feel less depressed and gave him new energy to make more calls to find a specialist who would be able to treat his ailment. It took a while, but eventually he found the right treatment. Tom feels much better now. Sue, a client, told me that she gets into fights with her boyfriend every night when she comes home from work. She didn’t think that this had anything to do with her and kept complaining about him. I had previously introduced her to the method of watching movies with conscious awareness, and one day she told me that

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watching the movie Sliding Doors in this way had a profound effect on her. Movie Preview: Sliding Doors (1998) Sometimes when the worst happens to us, it sets us on a better path than the one we were on — even when we have no idea there is a better alternative. Helen is unjustly fired from her glossy advertising job, then, coming home early, misses the “tube,” gets mugged, goes to the hospital, and eventually arrives home to find her live-in writer boyfriend getting a late start on his day. Her life is all downhill from there as she then takes on two menial jobs in order to support them both while he shams finishing his novel and instead has an affair with his ex-girlfriend. But this film shows us a parallel reality, simultaneously weaving both versions of Helen’s life together in an intricate, cross-referencing braid. Back at the subway station, Helen makes a last minute dash through the sliding doors of the train and thus arrives home in time to catch her boyfriend in bed with his ex. Dumping the loafer and moving in with her best friend, she eventually heals her pain, starts her own PR firm, and falls in love with James, a genuinely caring man. Sue told me that, as she watched the unhappy Helen in the movie, she experienced feelings of despair and a queasy sensation in her stomach. She also noted that those were familiar feelings, ones she experienced regularly at work and immediately following work. Instead of ignoring these feelings and sensations as she viewed the film, she stayed present to her discomfort and wondered why Helen’s life affected her so much. Soon she was able to see that she also felt very unhappy about her work situation but had tried to ignore it. Her suppressed frustration had spilled into her relationship and led to fights

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“Anything unconscious dissolves when you shine the light of consciousness on it.” Eckhart Tolle

with her boyfriend. At this point in our session Sue said she felt flooded with awe and gratitude about her understanding and a renewed love for her boyfriend. Following our session, they became closer, and she started to become more proactive in finding another job.

Guidelines Choose a movie that seems that it might touch you or that did touch you when you saw it the first time. If you want to focus on a specific aspect of yourself or your life, find a film in the appropriate category in the Film Index at the end of this book. A movie experience can be used for healing and growth even if you only use some of my suggestions or none at all. You might find your own way to watch with conscious awareness. Just allowing yourself to become absorbed in sections of the film or the entire movie and reflecting about your responses afterwards can be very beneficial. You may benefit greatly by applying the following suggestions:5 In preparation for each viewing session, sit comfortably. Let your attention move effortlessly, without strain, first to your body then to your breath. Follow your breath in a watchful way for a while. Notice any tension or holding. To release tension you may experiment with “breathing into” any part of your body that feels strained. Your gentle attention helps you to become more present. Experience yourself without inner criticizing or comment. If you notice yourself judging or thinking of things from the past or future, simply return to your experience in the present moment. As soon as you are calm and centered, start watching the movie. Pay attention to the story and to yourself. Do not continue to create a particular state, such as relaxation but rather be a compassionate witness of what is. Observe especially how the movie’s images, ideas, conversations, and characters affect

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your physical sensations. What happens when these throw you off balance because they trigger undesired emotions? Just put your attention on that experience while you are watching. In all likelihood, a film’s stimulants are similar to whatever unbalances you in daily life. Stay present and alert. Watch your responses with interested, curious detachment. Bring your inner attention to a holistic bodily awareness (a felt sense). This means you are aware of “all of you” — head, heart, belly, etc. Once in a while you might notice a certain sensation or emotional response from your subtle, always-present intuitive core. After a while you might let yourself get totally absorbed by the movie for a while and forget about anything else. Notice your sensations when you come back to awareness of yourself. Another entryway into conscious awareness is to observe how the movie images, ideas, conversations, and characters affect your breath. Notice its shallowness or fullness; its speed and quality. Do not try to change or control it. Do not analyze anything while you are watching. Be fully present with your experience. If, at any point during this process, you start feeling annoyed with the “split awareness” of the movie and yourself, just let yourself focus on the film alone and forget about everything else. Most likely you will find the experience beneficial anyway. If you experience emotions that you find uncomfortable, first try to identify the physical sensation associated with this emotion (such as a knot in your stomach if you feel anxiety, etc.) and try to “breathe into” the physical sensation. This might seem strange if the sensation is a tension in your shoulder for example. It is still possible though to “breathe into” a pain in your shoulder. Just imagine your breath flowing from your lungs into your shoulder. Although it is just an image, the mind/body works in mysterious ways. In most cases you will notice that your difficult emotion soon dissolves. This practice will prepare you for coping with similar feelings in real life.

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“Thinking is only a small aspect of consciousness. Thought cannot exist without consciousness, but consciousness does not need thought.” Eckhart Tolle

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“Films also introduce clients to ideas that might be too threatening if suggested directly.” John W. Hesley & Jan G. Hesley

There are possible exceptions to what I just said. A movie or movie scene might remind you of an emotionally traumatic experience and trigger intense emotions that seem too overwhelming or depressing. Trying to be more aware of these emotions might feel unbearable because it takes you out of a state of protective denial. In this case be gentle with yourself and make sure to take care of yourself. If you sense that continuing to watch the movie might re-traumatize you, leave the theater or turn off the television. I suggest that you talk to a professional psychotherapist about your experience. Do not continue with the exercise. For everyone else, after watching the movie reflect on the following. (It is helpful to write down your answers): Exercise Recording Your Observations
Do you remember your feelings and sensations, or whether your breathing changed throughout the movie? In all likelihood, what affects you in the film is similar to whatever influences you in your daily life.
Notice what you liked and what you did not like or even hated about the movie. Which characters or actions seemed especially attractive or unattractive to you?
Did you identify with one or several characters?
Were there one or several characters in the movie that modeled behavior that you would like to emulate? Did they develop certain strengths or other capacities that you would like to develop as well?
Notice whether any aspect of the film was especially hard to watch. Could this be related to something that you might have repressed?
Did you experience something that connected or reconnected you with certain values, virtues,

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capacities, inner wisdom, or your higher self as you watched the film or immediately after?
Did anything in this movie touch you? The fact that a character or a scene moved you might indicate that your subconscious mind is revealing information that might guide you toward healing and wholeness. Dreams have the same capacity. What might this guiding “message” be? As you examine your reaction to the film, try to avoid focusing on the artistic merits of the film or even the story. Usually when we discuss films, it is with respect to their entertainment value; the most prevalent example of film analyses are those written or told to us by professional film critics, but their focus is usually on the film and the filmmakers. In EMotion Picture Magic, it is you, the film viewer, who should remain at the center of attention. If some of the guidelines in the exercise turn out to be useful, you might consider adapting them to scenes in your real life after you have practiced in “reel” life. These guidelines are intended to help you become a better observer. As observing helps you to step back, the bigger picture becomes more obvious. Such practice will help you learn to understand yourself and others more deeply in the big “movie” of your life and to see yourself and the world more objectively.

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4 Using Movies to Release Negative Beliefs Have you ever found yourself watching a movie that seemed as if it were a scene from your own life? Or have you become so deeply involved with a film that after the end credits rolled and the lights came up you had to struggle to make the mental transition back to everyday reality? We have become so accustomed to watching movies that it is easy to take for granted the amazing power films can exert over us. It is also easy to forget that it is we who actively endow them with that power. Movies are illusions, light projected on a white screen. We all know that, and yet sometimes we react to them almost as if they were real. When the hero dies, we cry; when the bully is made to look the fool, we laugh; when the villain approaches with his knife, we cringe. Our heartbeat races, we sweat, we squirm. These are very real reactions to an obviously unreal experience. How is it that we can simultaneously know we are sitting in a dark theater experiencing a manufactured illusion

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and at the same time react to that illusion as if it were real? The secret to that riddle can be summed up in one phrase: our capacity to create beliefs. When we watch a film, and without being consciously aware of it, we tell part of ourselves to “believe” the illusion. We willingly suspend our sense of disbelief, our critical faculty that automatically compares what we see against what we already know to be true. The only reason we cry, laugh, or cringe is because we have decided to “believe” in the movie’s “reality.” It is interesting that we also do this in everyday life. We make a decision — generally an unconscious one — to believe in our perspective of reality. That decision to believe in what we see plays a much greater role in shaping our reality than we probably realize. This is especially true regarding interactions between people. When it comes to our five senses, we usually trust what they tell us without question. If we see a thin, silver object with a sharp point on one end we know it is a needle. When we hear a certain high, familiar squeak we know the door to our bedroom has just swung on its hinges. In both instances we might have simply noted the sensory observation: “There lies a thin, pointed, silver object” or “I hear a high familiar squeak.” Instead, we automatically take the additional step of assigning a meaning to our observation. We identify the silver thing as a needle, the squeak as a door. The particular meanings that we assign to the sensations are based on our beliefs about objects, ideas that we formed when we were young. This same process of assigning meaning is involved in more complex observations and assumptions about behavior. As you drive down the road, if you see a car zooming toward you at high speed on the opposite side of the road, you do not pull over to make sure it does not hit you. Instead, you keep driving with perhaps as little as five feet of space separating you from the other vehicle. Your action is based on a belief that everyone on the highway understands and obeys the same set of rules. For most of us, our faith in that belief is never

“Drama is life with the dull parts cut out.” Alfred Hitchcock

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“A belief is a statement about reality that you think is ‘the truth.’ And this belief molds your behavior, your emotions, and your attitudes.” Morty Lefkoe

challenged by our experience. It may have been difficult to maintain that belief when we were first learning to drive. Perhaps we involuntarily flinched as a car sped toward us. But repeated successful driving experiences reinforced our belief until it became second nature. Taken as a whole, the network of beliefs that we hold about objects and people forms what we think of as consensual reality. Usually, our beliefs about reality remain invisible to us, locked safely away in our unconscious. Normally, we go through our day lulled by a comfortable sense that the world of our perceptions is a real world, not a product of our own unique belief system. But sometimes things conspire to remind us of this hidden aspect of our inner world. Have you ever experienced something that, for a moment, felt as if it happened in a movie? Have you ever had a vague memory of something but then find that you no longer know whether it really happened or whether you dreamt it or saw it in a film? How valid is our perception of reality? You probably feel confused when the boundaries between what we call reality and our fantasy, or between real life and “reel life,” become blurry. It can help to remember that this fuzzy perception of things is actually closer to the truth than the more comfortable version of reality that normally inhabits our days even though it might not always be easy to accept that things are not always black and white.

Beliefs Can Be Misleading Beliefs help us to focus on important details. But they can also cause us problems when they do not match reality. For example, at one time most people believed the earth was flat. And why not — wherever they looked, the ground and water stretched out flat in all directions? Of course, in hindsight we now know that their belief did not match reality. We also know it had negative consequences: it kept people close to shore because they believed the flat earth

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had edges. If they sailed too far from shore they would fall off, which prevented them from discovering what lay beyond the horizon. Our beliefs can help us or they can mislead us. Fortunately, when we discover we are holding a misleading belief, we are not stuck with it forever. But often, we find ourselves holding onto our beliefs long after we have good reason to change them. In the above example, most people held fast to their belief in a flat earth long after evidence emerged that it was round. And who can blame them? After all, it was much easier to ignore a few obscure scientific details than to adjust to an entirely new reality. Our beliefs about inanimate objects (like needles and doors and even the planet Earth) tend to be fairly straightforward. But our beliefs about human behavior and feelings are sometimes convoluted, especially our beliefs about ourselves. Often we form such beliefs based on powerful emotions. We form them unconsciously, without carefully examining all the evidence. Therefore, our beliefs about ourselves and about people are often less than completely reliable. Sometimes they are out of sync with objective reality. Such mistaken beliefs can limit what we see and cause us to act against the best interests of those we love and ourselves. And because distorted beliefs are largely unconscious, we tend to focus on the wrong thing when we try to correct the problem. We might try to change our actions, when often it is our mistaken belief that is causing that problem. For example, John has a problem with motivation. No matter what the situation, he has a hard time working up the emotional energy required to make a real effort. He cannot get going in the morning. He is late for almost everything. He forgets promises he has made and postpones every task until the very last minute, even when he knows that doing so causes him to make errors and perform sloppily. Because of the many disappointments John has experienced, he is well aware that he has a problem. And he has tried to solve it by changing his behavior: setting alarms, putting

“He who knows others is wise; he who knows himself is enlightened.” Lao Tzu

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“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious.” Albert Einstein

reminder notes on the morning mirror, buying organizers, setting deadlines, and making lists. But no matter what he tries, he still somehow finds a way to sleep through the alarm, blow off the deadlines, and perform tasks in a slipshod manner. The reason behind John’s dilemma is that long ago he formed an unconscious belief: “No matter what I do, I never win; so why bother making any effort at all?” Even though John is not fully conscious of it, this belief controls his daily actions and overrides all his efforts to change his pattern. Rather than focusing on his actions, he would be better off trying to change his distorted belief. Because we are usually unaware of how large an impact they have on our lives, negative beliefs often result in our repeating the same mistake over and over, despite our best attempts to change. Many undesired situations could be avoided if only we saw that the root of the problem lies in our mistaken beliefs.

“Seeing is Believing” Another way to view this is to realize that when we look out at reality, what we see is but a representation of reality, not reality itself. To illustrate, take this oversimplified example of what happens when we see a cup sitting on a table. Light bounces from the cup to our eye. Nerves in our eye send signals to our visual cortex, which interprets those signals as representing basic patterns such as shape and color. At this point, we do not yet see a “thing,” only shapes and colors. Next, signals representing those patterns are sent to our frontal lobe, the part of our brain that interprets the patterns and assigns them a meaning. The meaning it assigns them is based on experiences during our first years of life. From those initial experiences of infancy we formed a belief that certain combinations of patterns represent a cup. In other words, in order to “see” the cup today, we must first have developed a belief about cups, and usually it is a belief we formed long ago.

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Even though most of the time our picture of reality is quite close to the actual thing itself, sometimes our beliefs get in the way of seeing something for what it is. Understanding that we may possibly have a distorted belief about reality is the first step to releasing it, to letting it go. In the process it may seem as if we are holding two different interpretations of reality in your mind. And that is exactly what we are doing. To understand this better, it might help to recall the wellknown visual trick where a simple black and white image can be viewed either as a white vase against a black background or as two faces silhouetted against a white background. Usually people will either see one or the other image to begin with. It is as if they perceive an entirely different version of “reality” when they finally discover the “other” image. Rubin’s Vase and Faces Illusion

The Myth of Reality What we take to be real is, in fact, a highly edited, thoroughly filtered version of reality. Think of it as our personal myth of

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“The world of reality has its limits; the world of imagination is boundless.” Jean-Jacques Rousseau

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reality. Numerous films have been made that reflect this myth including: Altered States (1980), Brazil (1985), Dark City (1997), Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004), The Matrix (1999), Open Your Eyes (1997), Pleasantville (1998), Solaris (1972 and 2002), Thirteenth Floor (1999), Total Recall (1990), The Truman Show (1998), and Vanilla Sky (2001). More films can be found in the Film Index in the category Dimensions of Reality under Inspiration. All of them develop elaborate metaphors that comment on the act of perception. I recommend watching one of these movies and focusing on the allegorical message about our perception of reality in order to gain more clarity about this previous section. The following two Movie Previews illustrate how such films can support the ideas illuminated above. Movie Preview: The Truman Show (1998) Director Peter Weir and writer Andrew Niccol devised a carefully crafted object lesson on the need to question our reality. Truman Burbank lives an ideal life in an ideal, if limited, world. Like each of us, he accepts his reality, shrugging off the occasional odd moment that just does not seem to fit the picture (as when a strange man leaps out of a Christmas present shouting incongruous protests and then is quickly wrestled out of the living room). Truman accepts his reality. What else is he to do? He is happy, more or less. And yet a subtle uneasiness seems to pervade his world. As the audience gradually learns, Truman’s world is an elaborate hoax perpetrated on him by television producer Christof. From his control room high in the artificial “sky,” Christof and his minions work 24/7 to maintain the increasingly complex illusion of reality and to prevent Truman from discovering it, which, of course, he does inevitably, thus moving the film into the

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philosophical deep end of the pool as the Job-like “True-man” braves the god-like “Christ-off’s” worst tempest in his bid to escape the confines of a limited world view. As the filmmaker obviously intends, the audience learns that piercing the scrim of one’s reality can entail a dramatic shift in one’s priorities.

Movie Preview: The Matrix (1999) This film poses the same questions about reality but from a slightly different angle. In the flashy, fast-paced blockbuster, the hero, Thomas Anderson, is a computer programmer by day and a hacker by night who goes by the handle, Neo. Having plumbed the deepest recesses of the global computer network (and along the way breaking almost every known computer-crime law on the books) he has come to be haunted by an irrational but unavoidable hunger to learn about something called the Matrix. As the film opens, Neo is sought out by a mysterious woman who introduces him to Morpheous. Morpheous shows Neo that the world he thinks is reality is in fact an elaborate computer simulation called the Matrix. The Matrix is an illusion maintained by machines that run the world in order to keep their human slaves unaware of their true condition. The humans are farmed as energy cells and live out their entire lives unable to move, trapped inside Plexiglas cases filled with pink liquid and feeding the electrical grid. Morpheous and his crew have escaped from their cells and are on a mission to free as many others as they can. But in order to do so they must reenter the Matrix so they can locate and communicate with individuals judged ready to withstand the shock of the transition to reality.

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Our Inner Movie The following metaphor can be useful in understanding how questioning our perceptions can lead to growth and healing. In perceiving the world, it is as if our eyes and ears were a camera and microphone. Instead of actually witnessing reality directly, we watch what I call an inner movie, on a screen inside our heads. And this screen, it turns out, is often unreliable. Our inner movie plays the story that we tell ourselves about the world around us and about who we are. Though the content of the inner movie is supposed to primarily reflect outside reality, several personal factors can determine what shows up on our screen.1

Personal Factors

“The life, which is not examined, is not worth living.” Plato

Specific personal factors affect our perception. For example each of us is born with certain innate traits. These include physical characteristics such as height, skin color, right- or lefthandedness etc. But they also include tendencies to develop certain behaviors as well. Some infants are just more excitable than others, while others are unflappable. Some are naturally intuitive, while others have quick reflexes. In discussing our inner movies, it is important to remember that such traits tend to affect what we value. An excitable infant might value peace and quiet, while an unflappable baby might love highly stimulating environments. An intuitive person might love guessing games, while someone with quick reflexes might be more attracted to games of skill. Our physical state might also have an impact on what we see in our inner movie. Illness, fatigue, alcohol, and hunger — all can affect our perception. And even if we are aware of the effect our condition is having on our perception, we may not be able to do anything about it. Someone with a thyroid condition might know that his listlessness and jitters are due to his having skipped medication, and yet that knowledge itself does not

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make the symptoms go away. The lesson to be learned here is that even though someone appears to be irritated with us, his or her irritation may have nothing to do with us at all. Habits and coping mechanisms adopted in childhood may also influence how we interpret reality. For example, our family may have tended to use sarcasm and irony. If out of habit we are doing the same thing with all our adult friends, we may be wondering why we turn off so many people. A person who was abused as a child may have learned to anticipate without asking the needs of people around them and to avoid asking for what they themselves want. But if they carry those habits forward, they will likely have problems achieving satisfying adult relationships. The baggage we carry with us from our past can change how we interpret reality. It is almost as if we were superimposing our old beliefs and habits like an old home movie on top of the scenes currently playing on our inner movie. Likewise, our emotional state can greatly affect our internal movie. Anger will tint your whole world “red”; depression will tint it “blue.” Previous emotionally traumatic experiences can influence our current emotional state. And our personal philosophies, prejudices, and values also influence how we view the world. People who place a high value on individual freedom, for instance, may perceive those who strive to establish social rules as wanting to deprive them of an essential right. Those who value fairness and equality may judge individualists as being selfish and uncooperative.

Inner Movies Can Cause Chain Reactions Not only are our inner movies impacted by these mental, physical, and emotional factors, but our inner movies themselves, in turn, affect our perception of ourselves, the world, and, subsequently, our behavior. The “plot” of our inner movie often tells a story about the world and ourselves that is based on early life experiences. Undesired inner movies can produce

“Believing that there is something wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering.” Tara Bach

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a chain reaction. For an adult who was abused as a child, the fact that he is superimposing his old home movie on top of current reality makes it more likely that he will think negatively about himself and not trust relationships. He might often feel fearful and suspicious, which could lead to unsatisfactory and unhealthful friendships and relationships. That in turn may reinforce negative beliefs about relationships, which could increase the probability that he will form further unhealthy relationships. Picture the core elements of this chain reaction as follows:

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It is how we think about or interpret a situation that determines how we feel. Say your older brother put you down frequently when you were little. This created a psychological imprint that we call your undesired inner movie. Projecting this childhood “movie” on today’s reality, you might believe that there is something wrong with you, or that you are not good enough or capable enough and that therefore you do not have a right to speak up and express your needs. This is an example of a negative belief. Because of this belief, you may feel fearful when you want something different than what your friend or spouse wants. This is the undesired feeling produced by the negative belief.

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Expressing your desire could potentially lead to a conflict, so you often keep quiet and comply whenever a conflict might arise. This is the undesired behavior. Later you might feel resentful toward the person to whom you surrender and possibly do not even know why. The undesired behavior may then produce more undesired feelings. A second example of this kind of chain reaction is if you experienced unjust treatment in childhood (the cause for your undesired inner movie), you might believe that everyone treats you unfairly most of the time (negative belief). Subsequently you might often feel angry and hurt (undesired feeling) and be short and unfriendly to many people (undesired behavior). This might lead others to treat you badly in return, which confirms your initial belief and makes you more hurt and angry (more undesired feelings). Cognitive therapists teach their clients to look for these patterns in order to give them a framework for understanding why they are struggling. This framework helps create some sense of control over their emotional reactions, and by challenging the validity of the evidence that the client gives to support them, helps them change their beliefs. The therapist encourages the client to act consistently with an alternative belief to test its possible validity. For the purpose of using movies to release negative beliefs, a combination of this cognitive approach and understanding childhood influences is most effective. Though several therapeutic methods work with this combination, I chose to draw from Morty Lefkoe’s Decision Maker Process because it is a very concise and well structured approach.2 Loefkoe points out that the main sources of our beliefs are interpretations of circumstances earlier in life. Fundamental beliefs about life and ourself usually are formed before the age of six. After a belief has been formed, however, we act consistently with it, thereby producing “current evidence” for the already existing belief. In other words, life becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

“The systematic training of the mind, the cultivation of happiness, the genuine inner transformation by deliberately selecting and focusing on positive mental states and challenging negative states, is possible because of the very structure and function of the brain.” Howard Cutler

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“There are certain kinds of thoughts we might cultivate to strengthen our positive emotions.” Richie Davidson

Negative Feelings and Beliefs Are Caused by Early Associations We might experience negative feelings in our life on a recurring basis: fear, anger, guilt, anxiety, and sadness. Such feelings may occur every time specific events happen: fear whenever we make a mistake or someone gets angry at us; anger whenever we are told what to do. Sometime early in life we form an association between the triggering event and our negative feeling. Behavioral psychologists often illustrate this kind of association using the landmark experiment on conditioning conducted by the Russian scientist Ivan Pavlov. Pavlov was studying digestion in dogs. He would come into the lab and place a morsel of food on the dogs’ tongues, then watch for saliva to form and record his observations. He later noticed that the dogs started to salivate simply upon his entering the room, before any food was present. His curiosity prompted his now famous experiment that demonstrated the phenomenon psychologists call “classical conditioning.” Prior to feeding the dogs, Pavlov rang a bell. The dogs would hear the bell then receive food. Pavlov repeated this process many times until the pattern was well established. Then he rang the bell but produced no food. The dogs salivated anyway. The dogs salivated because they had associated the bell with the food. In other words, an event that normally would not produce a response (the bell) does so because it becomes associated with an event that does produce a response (the food). People are conditioned in a similar manner. Suppose Joe experiences fear whenever he makes a mistake. Asked to identify the first time he experienced fear following a mistake, Joe recalls that when he was a child, his father was never satisfied with anything he did. When his father called him “stupid” and yelled at him, he felt fear. When Joe thinks further about what happened to him as a child, he realizes his fear was not really caused by the mistake itself. He sees that what really caused the fear was the meaning

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he unconsciously attributed to his father’s behavior. Joe the child felt that the person he depended on for his very survival was withdrawing his love. If he were not loved, he would not be cared for; if he were not cared for, he would not survive. Without this fear reaction he might welcome certain mistakes as an opportunity to learn from them. The reason for many undesired emotions you experience today was the perception that your survival was being threatened as a child. Without this perceived threat, the same events would not have produced this emotion. Let us now focus on the first step of the inner-movie chain reaction, the effect of undesired inner movies on our beliefs. How do the inner movies in our mind create negative beliefs? The inner movie is determined by the mentioned movie inputs. With E-Motion Picture Magic we do not focus on the first two personal factors, innate traits or physical state — but on the remaining three psychological factors — emotional state, habits, and values. These three factors function under the following basic assumptions:
Events have no inherent meaning.
All meaning is in our minds, illustrated by our inner movies. For example, our inner movie might include many scenes from our old home movie, recorded in our unconscious as well as in our memory, during our childhood when our parents were critical of us. For many of us there might be only a few scenes in this film in which they acknowledged us for our achievements. Like most children we may have concluded, “There’s something wrong with me.” Those conclusions then take form as fixed beliefs. We experience them as the truth about ourselves, even if our friends may think that these beliefs are silly and illogical. Sometimes, when we feel happy and at peace with ourselves, we might even share our friends’ opinion and experience moments during which we do not buy into these negative beliefs.

“I am larger and better than I thought. I did not think I held so much goodness.” Walt Whitman

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With this step in the process we don’t make your parents wrong for what they did. Most parents love their children and do the best they can. Nonetheless, their own traumatic history might adversely affect how they treat their children. You don’t betray your parents when you identify what actually happened in your childhood. The same applies to other caretakers, such as older siblings, babysitters or teachers.

Movies Inside and Out Our intent with E-Motion Picture Magic is to change the inner movie chain reaction. Recall that the original process is as follows:

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negative chain reaction We aim to change it to:

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In order to begin the process, complete all four steps in the following exercise: Exercise 1: Identifying an Old Home Movie Choose one negative belief to work with. If you cannot think of one, check the list of beliefs at the beginning of the Negative Belief Index in Chapter 5 on page 75. My negative belief about myself is:

When I believe this I feel:

A presumed original cause of this belief is:

Now, close your eyes. In your mind’s eye imagine sitting in front of your television at home and watching a film on a video. You are watching an old home movie, a scene or a sequence of scenes that you remember from earlier in your life. This is the event or the sequence of events that might have been an important part of causing your negative belief. You imagine that you can see what you assume is the possible original cause of your negative belief. Suppose your negative belief is “There’s something wrong with me” though your belief, which you wrote might be different. The idea here is to “re-view” one specific or typical childhood experience as if it were playing on a television screen. When you watch the scenes in which your parents are critical of you, does it seem as if you are also seeing evidence that there is, in fact,

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“something wrong with me?” Perhaps it seems so real that, if someone else were watching, they too would agree that there’s “something wrong with you.” Apply this example to your own negative belief. Exercise 2: Examining Your Old Home Movie Now imagine that you take your remote control and rewind your old home movie and play it again. This time, look specifically at the events that led to your negative belief. Is it possible there could be a second interpretation? Try to watch as an objective observer. Perhaps, instead of the cause being “There’s something wrong with me,” is it possible that your parents’ behavior might need further questioning? Is it possible that these childhood events could have a number of different meanings, each as valid as your original interpretation? For example: 1. My parents thought that being critical would motivate me to excel. 2. My parents had inadequate parenting skills. 3. My parents may have thought there was something wrong with me, but they were wrong. 4. Maybe there was something wrong with me when I was a child, but that does not mean there always has been something wrong with me. 5. Maybe my parents were dissatisfied with my behavior, but didn’t think there was anything wrong with me. Write the possible alternative meanings for your belief. Each of these meanings is as valid as the one you chose as a child.

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Having seen that there are other possible interpretations, does your first interpretation still feel like the most valid one? Are you still as certain of it as you were after the first “screening?” Is it possible that all you actually saw were your parents criticizing you? And if that behavior could have a number of valid meanings, does it not seem logical that no one meaning is inherently right? And if this is the case, is it not also logical to conclude that the only place that meaning ever existed was as a belief in your mind. Allowing for other possible interpretations can open a door to a different story about yourself and your parents, and thus a different inner movie. This process can be used to look at any negative belief you hold about yourself and your life circumstances. If you do the following exercises, you will discover that these principles hold true. Review any event in your life. You may discover that there are a number of possible meanings, perhaps indicating that your belief has no definite or inherent meaning. Exercise 3: Playing a Different Inner Movie Even if it seems that you were already able to let go of your undesired inner movie (your negative belief and the undesired feeling and behavior associated with it after the first two steps), make sure you do not skip this third step. Here you are asked to select a real movie in which one or several characters model the behavior or attitude you want to internalize. Focus specifically on this aspect of the film. Watch it with an open mind and with conscious awareness. Compare the way the characters behave and the beliefs those actions imply to the one you identified in Exercise 1. By watching these

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positive role models, you will “copy” them into your inner movie screen and at the same time “erase” the old undesired inner film. The newly superimposed wholesome movie will start the healthy chain reaction and help break the negative one. As we learned earlier, the lessons we gain from motion pictures can deepen and strengthen our efforts to change ourselves because movies speak directly to the heart and spirit, avoiding the resistance we put up in our conscious mind. We achieve unconscious learning, which is a state wherein we intuitively understand the meaning that is inherent in the story of a film. See whether the negative belief about yourself that you identified in Exercise 1 corresponds to a movie from the Negative Belief Index in Chapter 5. If the beliefs in the index do not match yours, choose the belief from the list that sounds the closest to your own. If none is even close, you might recall a film you have seen in the past that can be helpful in this process. Watch it with conscious awareness and use the movie’s message to restructure your negative beliefs by copying over undesired inner movies in the way I just explained. Now describe your healthy belief that replaced the one you had. Describe how you feel about yourself when you think of it. Exercise 4: Recording Your Healthy Belief Write your healthy belief on several pieces of paper or cards. Place these notes at prominent places in your house so that you see them frequently throughout the day. This way the new copy of your healthier inner movie can sink more deeply into your unconscious.

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5 Negative Belief Index There are many possible variations of negative beliefs. This index is an attempt to give typical examples of the undesired beliefs of my clients during my years as a therapist. Perhaps your negative beliefs are related to one of these in the index. Once you have located a negative belief that fits, watch one of the suggested films. The movie plot will not match your story exactly and needs to be understood on a metaphorical level. Focus on the aspect that is relevant to you. Just prior to watching the film remind yourself of the “Viewing Suggestion” that you will find after a short description of the plot. After the movie, do the exercise listed at the end of that section. Negative beliefs that keep you from developing healthy self-esteem: 1. I cannot accept myself because I am too different. 2. I am stuck and do not have the capacity to change my situation.

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3. I am too challenged by (fill in the blank) to live a happy life. 4. I am not capable of coping with the hard choices in my life. 5. I will never be able to heal. 6. My situation is too overwhelming; I will never get a handle on it. 7. I cannot let go of my guilt. Negative beliefs that keep you from feeling fulfilled in your life: 8. 9. 10. 11. 12.

I cannot stand up for what I believe. I am not capable of “feeling my fear and doing it anyway.” I am not capable of pursuing my dreams. I will never be able to realize my passion in life. I will never be able to redeem myself of a major mistake I made. 13. My life is worthless. Negative beliefs that keep you from developing healthy relationships: 14. I will be devastated and unable to recover if my partner/spouse and I separate. 15. I will never be able to overcome my anger at (fill in the blank). 16. I could never forgive if my partner/spouse cheated on me. 17. I cannot make my relationship work because we are too different. 18. My relationships will never change for the better. 19. Something is wrong with me as long as I am single. 20. I am not capable of confronting or getting away from people who treated me badly.

Developing Healthy Self-Esteem 1. I cannot accept myself because I am too different.

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The Other Sister (1999) Clara is a mentally retarded woman of considerable spirit. Instead of succumbing to the well-meant, protective urgings of family and friends, she shrugs off their limited view of her potential and signs up for a vocational training class where she meets and falls in love with a retarded man. They want to live a normal life together as a couple, but find that her family resists the idea, especially when it comes to sex. But rather than give in to the pressure, they hold fast to their dream. The film illustrates how tenacious determination to fight off prejudice sometimes can win the world over. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Carla accepts who she is and focuses on creating the life she wants for herself instead of being concerned about what other people think about her.

Jonathan Livingston Seagull (1973) Sometimes, you just have to acknowledge that you are different from the rest of the flock. Jonathan, an irrepressible seagull, decides to follow that instinct, and it leads him to discover powers within himself that amaze his friends and set him apart from the crowd. But he quickly learns that independence from social norms can carry a high price. His newfound powers excite fear and jealousy in the others. Eventually he is cast out of the flock. But trusting his inner voice, he learns that even his ostracism has its hidden blessings. Jonathan learns that being true to your inner nature leads one to a fuller understanding and love of others. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Jonathan gains his own identity and a new perspective on life when he differentiates himself from his flock and takes flight into the unknown.

Nell (1994) Isolated from the world her entire life deep in the Carolina backwoods, Nell is a “wild child.” With only her strokeafflicted mother as an example of spoken English and with no other human contact, she inhabits a world few others could

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ever hope to enter. After her mother’s death, a country doctor attempts to bridge the gap and gradually ease her into the wider world, but a psychology student and her boss have plans that cannot wait. Nell’s extreme cultural isolation and her odd speech threaten to land her in an institution. But despite those seemingly insurmountable obstacles, her indomitable spirit refuses to buckle. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Nell faces the challenges of being different and yet still stays true to herself. Exercise: Remember a situation in which you actually liked being different or received positive feedback for it? How would increased selfacceptance serve you? 2. I am stuck and do not have the capacity to change my situation.

Groundhog Day (1993) The word “stuck” somehow does not even come close to this man’s situation. Phil, a nasty, self-centered weather forecaster who is bored with the same old assignment and same old coworkers, wakes one day to find he is condemned to live the same exact day over and over, seemingly forever. Upon first discovering his plight, he allows his selfish nature to take advantage of the situation, using his foreknowledge of what others will do to get the upper hand. But in the end, life on a perpetual “unchanging” merry-go-round shows him how to convert himself into a much more pleasant fellow. Viewing Suggestion: Watch for the transformation Phil goes through after he moves beyond denial and resentment over the conditions of his life. When he becomes authentic and compassionate, his life circumstances change too.

The Shawshank Redemption (1994) A New England banker, Andy Dufresne, is convicted of murdering his wife and her lover and is sent to Shawshank State

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Prison where he meets “Red” Redding, a seasoned lifer and prison entrepreneur. Despite many years on the inside, the prison bars fail to contain their spirits. The pair forges an unlikely friendship, one that overcomes much pain and suffering. And despite the rigidity of the prison system, Andy uses his guile and intelligence to outwit it. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Andy frees himself out of a seemingly hopeless situation with much patience, determination and endurance. Exercise: Imagine waking up one morning and noticing that — miraculously — you have the capacity to change your situation. What would you do first? 3. I am too challenged by (fill in the blank) to live a happy life.

My Left Foot (1989) In this true story, Christy Brown is physically disabled and has great difficulty speaking. Born with cerebral palsy into a large working-class Irish family, the only limb he can adequately control is his left foot. For the first ten years of his life he is mistakenly thought by most to be retarded. But with the support of his determined mother, he overcomes tremendous physical and social obstacles. Learning to use his foot to do what many cannot do with their hands, he gradually develops into a brilliant painter, poet, and author. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Christy learned amazing skills with his left foot and created a happy, lasting love relationship for himself despite his physical challenges.

A Thousand Acres (1997) In this update of Shakespeare’s King Lear, Iowa patriarch Larry is one of the most powerful farmers in the region. Announcing his retirement, he tells his three daughters he will divide his 1,000 acres between them. Favored youngest daughter

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“Of all the trails in this life, there is one that matters more than others. It is the trail of a true human being. I think you are on this trail and it is good to see.” Kicking Bird (Graham Green in Dances with Wolves)

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Caroline wonders aloud whether that is a good idea and is immediately rewarded by having her share axed. As the two older daughters and their husbands begin assuming control of their respective halves of the farm, Larry becomes angry and abusive, prompting the two women to grapple with long-hidden family secrets. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how the sisters, Rose and Ginny, are starting to confront, work through, and resolve their past in a dysfunctional family with issues of alcoholism, emotional abuse, and molestation. Recovery is possible.

Shine (1996) Marvel at the way the human spirit tries to heal itself. This story, based on the life of Australian pianist David Helfgott, traces his youth as a child chess and piano prodigy under the savagely domineering hand of his father who berates him with stories of his family’s slaughter in German concentration camps. As an adolescent, David wins a coveted position to study at the Royal College of Music in London, but his father demands he refuse it because by leaving, he will “destroy” his family. David enters the school anyway, but then has a nervous breakdown during a crucial concert. Years later, as a largely forgotten, broken man, David wanders the streets babbling nonsense, then stumbles into restaurants where he astounds the guests by playing rapturously on the piano. Eventually, he falls in love with a woman who helps to heal his emotional and mental troubles. Viewing Suggestion: Though David has to face many immense challenges, he is finally able to find peace with help from his wife. Exercise: Remember a time in your life, even if it was very short, when you were contented or happy despite your challenges. If it happened once, you are capable of experiencing it again.

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4. I am not capable of coping with the hard choices in my life.

Cider House Rules (1999) Homer is an orphan informally “adopted” by benevolent orphanage director Dr. Larch who trains him to someday take over his duties, which include the occasional illegal abortion. Having learned everything his mentor wanted for him, Homer decides to leave the orphanage to follow his own destiny. He travels with acquaintances to an apple farm where he works hard, falls in love with the wife of a soldier who is off fighting the war, and despite his own beliefs against abortion, performs one for a victim of incest and rape. Later, he returns to the orphanage where, following the doctor’s death, Homer finally decides to take on the role envisioned for him. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Homer has to make very difficult moral choices about performing abortions early in his life. Exercise: Remember one situation in your life when you were confronted with a difficult choice and were able to face it as Homer did. If you were able to cope then, it may be possible again, when the need arises. 5. I will never be able to heal.

The Horse Whisperer (1998) A young girl, Grace, and her beloved, prized horse are seriously injured in a bad accident that leaves them both psychically scarred. Believing that the best hope for healing her daughter is to heal the horse, the mother, Annie, travels to Montana with Grace and her horse to seek the aid of master trainer, Tom. His technique involves almost mystical efforts to understand the horse and slowly gain its trust. Tom’s unorthodox ways not only heal horse and daughter, they also unearth Annie’s long-repressed pains and passions, forcing her to

“We can, and probably most of us unconsciously already do, use film to incubate fresh ideas to current dilemmas.” Marsha Sinetar

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confront her own complicity in the creation of her lifeless marriage. Viewing Suggestion: Watch the slow but steady, gradual healing process for the horse, daughter, and mother. They do not give up and eventually go through a transformation. Exercise: Remember a time in your life when you were able to make at least a small change that you desired? If this was possible, you have the capacity to heal and change. 6. My situation is too overwhelming. I will never get a handle on it.

Where the Heart Is (2000) Novalee is seventeen and pregnant. She has never had a real home. When her musician boyfriend dumps her at an Oklahoma Wal-Mart with nothing but a camera and $5.55, she hides in the store, keeping track of all the items she steals in case she ever gets the chance to pay it back. She is discovered in her hideout just as she is giving birth, and awakes in a hospital bed to find that she has gained instant celebrity status in the small town as the mother of “The Wal-Mart Baby.” Over the next few years she creates a makeshift family from a group of eccentric friends and realizes her own strength. Viewing Suggestion: Watch as Novalee hopes against hope, does what she can, then finally discovers the gift of friendship and belonging she longed for.

Places in the Heart (1984) Set in 1935 Waxahachie, Texas, this story shows how determination and hard work can overcome overwhelming odds. Alone and broke on a small farm during the Great Depression, the recently widowed Edna must rent a room to a blind boarder and hire a wandering African-American man in order to stave off the bank and feed her children. The African-American man knows how to grow cotton, but when the bottom falls out of the

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market, their only hope is to win a bonus by beating all the other farms in a race to see who will be able to bring in their crop first. Meanwhile, storms, exhaustion and the KKK stand in their way. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Edna faces many overwhelming challenges after her husband died. With strength, courage, and determination she is able to master these challenges successfully. Exercise: Make a list of the influences in your life that seem overwhelming to you. Do you have some control over simplifying your life? Perhaps by exercising some of this control you can make things less overwhelming. Or do you have to face these challenges as did Novalee and Edna? Take her as a model and find the strength, courage, and determination inside yourself. 7. I cannot let go of my guilt. By using the word “guilt” here, I am referring to “feelings of guilt” that are not based on being guilty of a serious misbehavior. You may know the difference rationally, intuitively, or after you have heard at least one well-meaning friend tell you: ”You should not feel guilty about this.”

Ordinary People (1980) Teenaged Conrad is plagued with guilt for having survived a boating accident that killed his older brother. Worse yet, his mother is seething with anger over the loss, which she conceals beneath a cold, placid exterior. She struggles to hide the fact that she feels the wrong son lived. Meanwhile, Conrad’s dad loves him and his mother, but is paralyzed by fear and is useless in intervening. Following a suicide attempt, with the help of a psychiatrist, Conrad begins the slow and painful process of healing. But his progress also forces his parents to face the unspoken feelings that divide them.

“For us to release the shame of wanting, it’s important we understand the benefits which accrue to others — not just ourselves — when wants are fulfilled, and how to walk out of the ill-placed guilt of putting ourselves before others.” Lynn Grabhorn

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Viewing Suggestion: Watch Conrad struggling with his survivor guilt after his brother died in their boating accident. He finally overcomes his guilt when he is able to truly feel his grief and despair and to acknowledge that he might have been stronger than his brother.

Bounce (2000) Adman Buddy thinks he’s doing Greg a favor by swapping tickets with him during a long weather delay at the airport. Greg needs to get home so he can be with his son; meanwhile, Buddy has a lovely and available woman to keep him occupied while waiting for the next flight. But Greg’s plane crashes, all aboard are killed, and Buddy’s agency is charged with smoothing over the airline’s public relations fiasco. In trying to make up for his guilt, he hunts down Greg’s wife and son and tries to help them, but fails to tell them who he is. Meanwhile, he falls in love with both of them. Torn between his love and his increasing guilt, he is working up the courage to tell them who he is when they find out on their own and send him packing. After succumbing to alcoholism, losing his job, and working through rehab, he begins life with a fresh outlook. Viewing Suggestion: Watch as Buddy’s guilt grows and threatens to ruin his life but is finally overcome by his humility and willingness to heal.

Courage Under Fire (1996) Army Colonel Nathaniel Serling is racked by guilt over a Gulf War incident in which he directed a tank to destroy what later turned out to be another American tank. An investigation excused him, but his guilt is driving him to drink too much and to push away his wife and family. Meanwhile, he’s charged with investigating a proposed Medal of Honor award — the first to be given to a woman. But as he proceeds with his investigation into the battlefield conduct of the female helicopter captain, he begins to suspect that the story has been fabricated, possibly for political purposes. Meanwhile, he comes under heavy pressure from the White House to ignore his doubts.

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Viewing Suggestion: Watch as Serling heals himself by daring to face the truth about the captain’s story and his own guilt. Exercise: Remember a time in your life when you were able to let go of feelings of guilt. Imagine how you would feel, if you were free of this guilt now.

Feeling Unfulfilled 8. I cannot stand up for what I believe.

Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) Idgie Threadgoode goes her own way. She wears pants, a tie, cuts her hair short, and has a crush on Ruth — all in the deep south town of Whistle Stop, Georgia, sometime in the early post-WWII era. Ruth is married to a violent, drunken lout, a racist redneck. The two women open the Whistle Stop Café, and insist on serving Big George, a black man whose mother raised Idgie. When Ruth’s abusive husband disappears, the local KKK decides to blame the “uppity” Big George. Meanwhile, a Ms. Threadgoode is retelling all this, plus the story of the trial, in flashback mode from the present day. She lives in a nursing home and is visited regularly by Evelyn, dowdy, unhappy, and dripping with low self-esteem. The story, and its telling, has powerful curative affects on Evelyn, who learns to stand up for herself. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Ruth and Idgie stand up for what they believe and Evelyn learns from them how to follow suit, thereby gaining the courage to deal with her life’s problem.

Erin Brockovich (2000) Sometimes, the world gets rough and you have to fight back. Based on a true story, divorced, single mother-of-three Erin will not take no for an answer when, desperate for a job, she insists her affable but ineffectual personal injury lawyer give

“Men are not free when they are doing just what they like. Men are only free when they are doing what the deepest self likes. And there is getting down to the deepest self. It takes some diving.” D. H. Lawrence

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“Fear is an anticipation of future pain.” Tara Bach

her one. Erin’s unabashedly risqué clothes and rough language, earns her the disdain of fellow employees, but she does not let that or her complete lack of formal legal experience and higher education stop her from launching a mammoth class action lawsuit against a seemingly omnipotent energy corporation that covered up a toxic waste spill and knowingly damaged the health of an entire town. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Erin stands up for her convictions and uses her god-given gifts despite all the obvious cards being stacked against her.

The Insider (1999) Ethics and personal courage take center stage in this highly acclaimed (and controversial) cutting edge drama about a tobacco company doctor-turned-reluctant-whistle-blower, Jeffery Wigand. Jeffery has crucial evidence that tobacco company executives knowingly doctored their product with a carcinogenic additive to make it more addictive, then lied to congress. Constructed like a jigsaw puzzle in which crucial pieces keep disappearing, the twisted plot follows investigative journalist and 60 Minutes producer Lowell Bergman as he manipulates behind the scenes to get the highly damaging story on the air. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Jeffrey, after hesitating for a while, stands up for his convictions and blows the whistle on big tobacco. Exercise: Imagine yourself feeling your fear of standing up for your convictions, accepting this fear and consequently following through. What would you expect to change in your life if you did? 9. I am not capable of “feeling my fear and doing it anyway.”

Defending your Life (1991) Daniel is a yuppie who died in a car accident and is awaiting the determination of his fate in Judgment City, a sort-of waiting

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room resort for the afterlife. While having the minutest details of his life examined courtroom style to see whether he overcame his fears and made the most of his life, he falls in love with the only other young person in the city, Julie. While she looks certain to move up to “Citizen of the Universe” status, Daniel’s apparently pitiful life appears to spell another trip back to life on earth for him. Viewing Suggestion: Watch Daniel who, after a lifetime of giving in to his fears and at the end of the film, faces his fear and pursues what he really wants — his newfound love, Julie. Exercise: Remember a situation in your life when you faced a fear and pursued something of which you were afraid. You might want to try it again, starting with something small and manageable. 10. I am not capable of pursuing my dreams.

Gattaca (1997) Vincent longs to be an astronaut. He has all the right qualities, save one: he was born the natural way. In this sci-fi thriller set in the “not so distant future” only genetically engineered humans get a chance to fulfill their destinies. Those born naturally are considered imperfect and therefore are relegated to menial tasks. But Vincent cheats the system, using a DNA broker to set him up with the fake identity of a genetically engineered man. Armed with that false “self,” he earns a coveted slot in the astronaut corps at giant space corporation, Gattaca. But Vincent’s opportunity to launch on a mission to Saturn is threatened when a flight director who opposes a corporate scheme is murdered. Vincent finds he must use his naturallyendowed wits to avoid being fingered and to achieve his dream. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Vincent first puts much attention and energy into pretending to be a genetically perfect person because he wants to be an astronaut. Later he achieves his dream, applying genuine capacities and his authentic self with determination.

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Exercise: Start with a small goal that seems achievable. Imagine the steps that need to be taken and how you would feel if you had reached it. Now go for it just as Vincent did. After achieving this goal, go for a bigger one in the same way.

11. I will never be able to realize my passion in life.

The Piano (1993) “Were good he had God’s patience, for silence affects everyone in the end. The strange thing is I don’t think myself silent, that is, because of my piano.” Ada (Holly Hunter in The Piano)

Sometimes help comes from unexpected places. Set in the nineteenth century frontier forests of New Zealand, Ada arrives on the shore with her young daughter and a crated piano, having agreed to an arranged marriage to Stewart, a bachelor farmer. Ada hasn’t spoken since she was six. We are not told why. Her daughter, who translates Ada’s sign language, and playing her piano are her only means of communication. Stewart, who cares little for communicating with Ada, considers the piano of little use in carving a life from the rain-soaked forest and instructs his Maori tribesmen to leave it on the beach. But when Ada uncrates it there and plays it, neighbor Baines hears the music and offers to trade Stewart land in exchange for the instrument. Baines then uses the piano to seduce Ada, trading her the opportunity to play for intimate favors. But the seduction turns out to be more complicated than either of them thought. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Ada stays true to her passion, which is playing her piano. Her determination helps her overcome many severe challenges. Exercise: Contemplate whether you have a passion that you have not fully realized yet. Have you pursued anything in your life with determination? Imagine that you apply this determination to pursuing your passion as Ada does.

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12. I will never be able to redeem myself of a major mistake I made.

Thirteen Conversations About One Thing (2001) Assistant District Attorney Troy is on a roll. He has just won a big case, and during the celebration he spots Gene, a very sad insurance manager at the bar. Troy wants Gene to be happy — he wants everyone to be happy. Troy buys Gene drinks and gets drunk in the process. Gene, on the other hand, thinks the world is unfair and wants retaliation, so he decides to fire the happiest guy in his department. Troy’s happiness, however, is shortlived, as driving home drunk he hits a woman and, thinking he has killed her, flees the scene. His guilt consumes him, causing him to continually reinjure himself where he cut his forehead. In such fashion, the movie traces the lives of several characters in thirteen vignettes, each of which illustrates how absurd life can be. Bad things happen to good people; good things happen to bad ones. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Troy struggles over time to achieve redemption for his crime and eventually succeeds. Exercise: If you can feel compassion for Troy’s inner struggle, you might be able to direct your compassion toward yourself too. Keep watching the movie with you in the role of the one who tries to redeem him/herself of a mistake in the past and fill in what you are going to do in order to succeed. 13. My life is worthless.

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) Few people actually achieve the goals they set when they are young, and yet their lives turn out to have meaning, though it is sometimes difficult to see. Caught in a scandal brought about by the evil machinations of his nemesis, George wonders if his life of sacrifice and hard work has been worthwhile. Standing on a bridge, he considers suicide. But an angel intervenes and

“If you build it they will come.” Voice (in Field of Dreams)

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shows him how many lives in his town would have been impoverished without the subtle influence of his sterling character. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how George overcomes his belief that his life is worthless when an angel grants his wish that he was never born. He sees what life in his town would have been like without him. Exercise: After watching this movie, imagine what life would be like without you and notice how your contribution would be missing.

Healthy Relationships 14. I will be devastated and not be able to recover if my partner/spouse and I separate.

Sliding Doors (1998) See Movie Preview on page 51 Viewing Suggestion: Watch how the blonde haired Helen develops the capacity to start a new life with a new career and a new boyfriend after her old boyfriend cheated on her and she went through a phase of anger, depression, and grief. Exercise: Recall a time when you have gone through a breakup and recovery from your loss. What helped you to heal again? Is there any reason why you would not be able to recover as Helen and, possibly, you did once before? 15. I will never be able to overcome my anger at (fill in the blank).

Changing Lanes (2002) See Movie Preview on page 38 Viewing Suggestion: Watch how the main characters Gavin and Doyle are first caught in their intense rage, act out

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violently, “hit bottom,” are finally able to let go of their anger, and eventually empathize with each other. This allows them to find peace within themselves at the end. Exercise: Evaluate whether your anger serves you or hurts you. It does not matter if your anger has different reasons than portrayed in the movie. What would need to happen for you to let go of it as Gavin and Doyle did? Do you need to “hit bottom” as they had to? Notice what happens to your anger as you watch the movie and contemplate these questions. 16. I could never forgive my partner/spouse if they cheated on me.

A Walk On The Moon (1999) Marty got Pearl pregnant and married young. Now it is 1969 and Pearl spends the summers at a cabin in the Catskills with her mother, daughter, and son. Marty works as a television repairman in New York and visits on weekends. Pearl feels caught in the passionless domesticity of their marriage and easily succumbs to the seduction of a handsome stranger. Her mother warns Marty, who confronts his wife with his own disappointments. Because of their early marriage he had to give up college for a life of a television repairman. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Marty struggles with his anger and disappointment at Pearl’s affair. Notice how both are able to stay with their feelings and communicate well at the end of the movie, which allows them to come back together. Exercise: Contemplate whether you are able to stay with your difficult emotions without acting out while you communicate with your partner like Marty and Pearl at the end of the film. If not, how could you improve your communication? Communicating well helps you to “step into the

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other person’s shoes” and therefore understand and empathize with him or her. Empathy helps to overcome anger and allows us to forgive mistakes. 17. I cannot make my relationship work because we are too different.

The Story of Us (1999) A man and woman meet, say their vows, have children, then slowly grow apart. Now comes the hard part: staving off a divorce. Rather than tell the children, they send them off to summer camp and then begin a trial separation. Their attempts at making a fresh start are interspersed with flashbacks to their happier days. Eventually, with time apart, they learn how to repair their life together. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Katie and Ben struggle but eventually find a way to make their relationship work. Notice especially their poor communication skills and their differences in temperaments. Exercise: Ask yourself whether you are able to communicate better than Katie and Ben. If not, how could you improve your communication? Communicating well helps you to “step into your partner’s shoes” and therefore understand and empathize with him or her. Empathy helps to bridge many difference in your personalities. 18. My relationships will never change for the better.

When Harry met Sally (1989) Harry and Sally first meet on a cross-country road trip as both are leaving school for New York to begin their careers. Both are single, but clearly these two are not meant for each other — they are as different as black and white. But they meet again at the airport a few years later when she’s with a new boyfriend.

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And again, years later, when they’re both in relationships, and again when he’s in mid-divorce and she has just been dumped. They keep bumping into each other until finally, they realize they like each other and become close friends. And after a long friendship, they finally realize that, despite the differences between them, they love each other. Viewing Suggestion: Watch the constant transformation that Sally and Harry go through in their relationship over a long period of time. They go through many ups and downs during which their relationship improves. Notice how they experience many different kinds of emotions during this time and are able to forgive each other for their mistakes.

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“Stories heal. Their teachings can awaken inner strengths, nobility, and self-value. Our favorite movies are emblematic of ideas we need and value for this enrichment to happen.” Marsha Sinetar

Kolya (1996) Making the best of “bad” circumstances, confirmed bachelor musician, Frantisek Louka, finds he is suddenly left in charge of a five-year-old boy, Kolya, when his Soviet mother abandons him to join her boyfriend. His initial eagerness for the boy to be shipped off to a state-sponsored foster family slowly changes during the months he is forced into the role of caregiver. By the time the boy’s mother returns to reclaim him, and despite that Kolya speaks only Russian and Louka speaks little, the two have grown to love one another. But their sadness at having to separate is offset by Louka’s understanding that he has learned he is capable of feeling real love. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Louka’s and Kolya’s hearts grow together over time even though they do not understand each other’s native language. Exercise: Remember whether some of your relationships change over time. The changes in the relationships between Sally and Harry’s as well as Louka and Kolya may be similar or different from the changes in yours. Are you willing to tolerate the different kinds of emotions that often change relationships? Do you sense what could help you to

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move toward forgiveness if your friend or partner made a mistake? Have you experienced getting emotionally closer to somebody, child or adult, when you got to know him or her as shown in Kolya? Perhaps you may have first rejected this person. Keep an open mind for these changes to happen again in your relationships. 19. Something is wrong with me as long as I am single.

Waiting to Exhale (1995) Feisty, independent and fiercely protective of one another, four African-American women form a communal safety net as they cope with the various untrustworthy men moving into and out of their lives. All four of them are waiting for a relationship with a mate on whom they can rely. But while they are thus “waiting to exhale,” they find they can lead fulfilling lives nonetheless. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how the four women learn to accept themselves after they first “used” relationships to feel good. Exercise: Experiment with activities, projects, or hobbies that make you feel good as a single person just as some of the characters did in the movie. 20. I am not capable of confronting or getting away from people who treated me badly.

The Accused (1988) Sarah is no angel. After a fight with her boyfriend drug dealer, she goes to a bar, gets drunk, and dances provocatively with a young man. But when the man tries to take it further, she attempts to stop him and is then gang raped as bystanders cheer. Wanting justice, she struggles with her low self-esteem but finally faces the brutality of a trial that judges her as much

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as it does the three men accused. And when they get off with light sentences, she and her female prosecutor decide to go after the bystanders as well. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Sarah learns to find justice by confronting her rapists in court. She has to face many challenges until she reaches her goal. (If you have experienced traumatic abuse, check with a therapist before watching this movie).

Ruby in Paradise (1993) Real freedom comes from finding out what you love to do and then doing it. Ruby, a twenty-year-old Tennessee woman escapes what was probably an abusive life and drives to Florida where she insists on work at a beachwear shop until the owner finally relents. And she gradually learns to love her work, not so much because retail is thrilling but because she finds she is good at dealing with people and money. When the owner’s son makes advances and is eventually spurned, he takes his revenge by getting her fired. Hitting a low point during which she considers, then refuses work at a strip joint, she eventually grows in her knowledge of what she wants from life and learns to go after it. Viewing Suggestion: Watch how Ruby, after many challenging ordeals, finally becomes an independent woman, in charge of her work and herself. She had escaped from what was probably an abusive relationship. Exercise: Remember a situation in your life when you faced a fear of conflict and confronted somebody who had treated you badly. If you find yourself in similar situations now, you might want to try it again, starting with someone who presents only a small challenge. If you are in an abusive relationship, take Ruby as a model and get out. You may be frightened and unsure, but do it anyway. Like Ruby look for a mentor to give you guidance.

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6 Building Self-Esteem The previous two chapters may already have helped you to gain more self-esteem. Now you will have an opportunity to improve it further. A teaching story from the Sufi tradition about the Mullah Nasruddin, a combination wise person, fall guy, saint and fool goes as follows. There was a couple in his village having troubles and they came to him for help. The man got up and told his story, and when he was finished, the Mullah looked at him and said, “You are right!” Then the wife stood up and said her part and what she wanted, and the Mullah looked at her and said, “You are right!” One of their friends who had come along sat there scratching his head and said to Nasruddin, “But they cannot both be right.” The Mullah replied, “You are right!”1 If only we could be as accepting as this Mullah. Instead, we have automatic negative thoughts toward others and ourself that are often inconsistent with reality. We have a harsh, judgmental inner critic that affects our self-esteem. This inner judge makes us feel inadequate or worthless.

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Step 1: Understanding the Inner Critic Do you sometimes notice a tense, dull, or queasy feeling in your stomach and only after a while you remember that it started when you made a mistake several hours or even days ago? You might feel guilt, maybe shame, and depressed. Perhaps an inner voice says, “How could I have done something that stupid?” This voice drains your energy. It takes away your joy and passion in life. You do not want to engage in anything anymore because you are “doing it wrong anyway.” Do you sometimes feel better when you notice or remember that others make these kinds of mistakes too? You might criticize another person secretly or openly for their shortcomings. Doing so may give you momentary relief because you feel superior and therefore less inadequate. Unfortunately, this critical attitude might lead to a conflict, which could undermine your self-esteem again. Exercise 1: Checking What Is True For You Rarely I feel negative about myself I feel guilt and shame arising from my actions I find fault with myself I cannot trust my own perceptions I feel different from others I fail at most things I cannot reach my goals I feel as if people know that there is something wrong with me no matter what I do I feel like I am not as good as others I am afraid of interacting with others

Sometimes

Most of the time

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” Rumi

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“All you need is already within you, only you must approach yourself with reverence and love. Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors.” Sri Nisargadatta

The more marks you found yourself making under “most of the time” or “sometimes” the more likely it is that you struggle with low self-esteem and possibly depression. It is important to understand whether low self-esteem is a result of a subjective negative view of yourself, which is not based on reality. If this is the case, your harsh inner critic, inappropriately and in a distorted fashion, affects your view of yourself. The following exercises help you become aware of distorted negative thinking about yourself. Through your first step toward self-awareness in Exercise 1, your critical perspective might have already started losing its power. Watching movies in which the characters experience similar struggles can help you think even more realistically, and therefore positively, about yourself. In order to distinguish between negative beliefs that are based on subjective distortions and those which result from objective mistakes or shortcomings, imagine yourself sitting in a restaurant and overhearing a person at the next table talking negatively to a friend about a third person. But instead of it being a conversation about someone else, the conversation you hear is the same one that goes on in your head when you are hypercritical of yourself. If they sound too harsh and unrealistic, it is very likely that your negative thoughts about yourself and your low self-esteem are based on unhealthy thought patterns. The following are explorations of the origins of your negative thinking. They will help you understand the specific reasons why you might have developed such thinking patterns and the consequent low self-esteem. They will also direct you to the films that serve you best.

High Standards Negative thinking and guilt can be seen as the price paid whenever our behavior violates some standard or belief we hold.

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Often our standards are not very clear in our consciousness, and we question our behavior only in response to feelings of guilt and shame. You might not be aware that your expectations of yourself are unrealistically high. If you pretend to look at yourself through the eyes of a compassionate friend, you might not apply the same high standards. Perhaps you come from a family or school experience that encouraged you to feel overly responsible through blaming or finding fault whenever things went wrong. Being super-responsible may have been seen as an asset as you grew up. But the down side is that throughout your life, even minor infractions, especially if noticed by some authority figure (parents, teachers, employers, etc.), probably instilled in you a sense of failure and diminished self-worth. If the above scenario fits, then the reason you initially developed an inner critic was to protect yourself from external criticism. Now, however, whenever your behavior violates a certain standard, you sink into a low state and feel guilty and worthless. Exercise 2: High Standards Does the above description come close to your experience? If so, write about your struggle with high expectations of yourself.

Negative Self-Image Even in the most loving, supportive, and undemanding of families, parents and other relatives, like older siblings, are not perfect. Caretakers cannot be there for children all the time or give them all their attention. With a newborn infant, for example, the mother sometimes becomes overwhelmed, depressed, or frustrated. The baby’s survival depends upon accommodation to external circumstances, but at this stage it cannot distinguish itself from its mother. Therefore, it internalizes its mother’s emotional state and starts believing that there is something wrong inside.

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“Our most habitual and compelling feelings and thoughts define the core of who we think we are. If we are caught in the trance of unworthiness, we experience that core as flawed.” Tara Bach

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Our self-judgments continue to grow as we develop. When our mom told us “Do not touch that knife,” we were not able to distinguish the message, “You need to learn to function in the world” from “You are a bad person for exploring how a knife feels.” As we grew older and interacted with peers, they might have teased us, which increased our sense of unworthiness. Exercise 3: Negative Self-Image Does this come close to your experience? If so, write about how these thoughts relate your to own history and to your struggle with your negative self-image.

Illusion of Control Another cause of low self-esteem through hypercritical thinking seems to have its origin in “magical thinking” and the “illusion of control” of early childhood. As infants, we learn that when we have a need (for clean diapers, food, etc.), all we have to do is make a sound, and someone comes to fill our need. Therefore, we learn to believe in our own power growing out of the seeming reality that we are the “center of the universe.” This belief continues until our intellectual level (age six to nine) allows us to start understanding other cause and effect relationships in the world. We learn that we are not the cause, and therefore not responsible, for everything that happens. But some part of our psyche may have kept a certain remnant of magical thinking, such as: “to expect anything good will only bring bad,” or vice versa. The psychological payoff for maintaining this belief is that it might allow us to retain our illusion of control. Perhaps we would rather believe that certain events in our life are a result of our wrongdoing than that they are caused by inevitable circumstances. Even under the best conditions most of us retain a bit of magical thinking and the illusion of control, and that in turn

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contributes to our sense of guilt, especially in response to a crisis in our life. “What did I do to cause this?” “I should have done something to prevent this.” These are reasonable questions for adults to be asking. Whether or not they torment us and undermine our sense of worth may depend upon how honest we are with ourselves about the amount of control we really have. Exercise 4: Illusion of Control Does this come close to your experience? If so, write about how these thoughts relate to your own history and struggle with trying to hold on to an illusion of control or magical thinking.

Other Influences Parental neglect, rejection, alcoholism or drug abuse, as well as physical and sexual abuse during childhood are some other reasons for low self-esteem. In families plagued with such problems, children grow up feeling insecure, worthless, and lonely. They develop a tendency toward self-rejection and self-sabotage. Other factors that might lead to difficulties in developing a basic sense of trust or security and confidence include parental overprotectiveness and the experience of traumatic loss. Even parental overindulgence can undermine the development of healthy self-esteem. In such cases parents do not provide enough exposure to deferred gratification, so the child never learns to develop such capacities as initiating and sustaining effort or taking personal responsibility. As adults these people experience insecurities because they feel weak in comparison to others, and life does not continue to provide what they learned to expect during childhood. If we experienced one or more of these influences, it is very likely that we can have difficulties with intimate relationships in our adult life, which interferes even more with a positive sense of ourselves.

“Self-esteem can be as crucial to your physical and mental well being as nutrition, exercise, and preventive medicine.” Matthew McKay

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Exercise 5: Other Influences Does this come close to your experiences? If so, write about how these thoughts relate to your own history and struggle with low self-esteem.

Step 2: Letting Go of Negative Views If you had something to write in at least one of the previous exercises, it is very likely that your low self-esteem is based on one or several of the unhealthy thought patterns listed below. I suggest you explore, with the support of movies, how some of them might affect you. List of Unhealthy Thought Patterns:

“Most bad feelings come from illogical thoughts. . . When you put the lie to these distorted thoughts, you can change the way you feel.” David Burns

1. Self-blame: You blame yourself for something for which you are not responsible. 2. Negative Self-image: You underestimate your capacities. 3. “Victim” perspective: You blame other people or circumstances for almost everything that happens to you. 4. “Should” perspective: You feel frequently obligated to do or say things that you resist deep inside. 5. Over-all negative perspective: You perceive your life as if “the glass were half empty” instead of “half full.” 6. Black-and-white thinking: You perceive most experiences as either right or wrong, good or bad. 7. Overgeneralization: You perceive one negative experience as a never-ending predicament. To clarify how movies can be used to build self-esteem, let’s use the example of My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) where the main character Toula goes through a transformation of her self-image and builds her self-esteem.

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Movie Analysis: My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) Toula Portokalos arrives at work with her father, who tells his daughter how old she appears. Toula appears accustomed to this negativity and feels badly about herself. She is a waitress at a Greek restaurant, owned by her family. We learn that Toula has not married, and this is the talk of the town. She allows herself to be walked on by her family and friends who make most of her choices. Her family promotes three traditional values — marry a Greek boy, have Greek babies, and feed everyone until you die. From an early age, she is distressed by their “over-the-top” ways. Her strict father does not believe a woman should be smart. Most members of her family, excepting her father, believes she is capable of doing more with her life. Toula looks dreary and old for her age. One day at work she sees Ian whom she finds attractive. She hides behind the counter to peer at him. This is a turning point for Toula. When she begins taking classes at a local college, her confidence improves, she puts on a little makeup, and is transformed into a beautiful person oozing happiness. She becomes a successful travel agent. She reinvents herself, creates a new appearance, and gains self-esteem in the process. As she overcomes her insecurities, she bucks tradition and becomes engaged to Ian, who is not Greek, and eventually wins the family over to him and their wedding plans. Since this movie is a comedy and not a character study, it is up to us to imagine where Toula’s newfound self-image came from, and what were her resources for her transformation. This is an invitation to fill in the holes with our imagination and look inward at the same time, finding our own resources.

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“I have discovered that one of the most important keys to recovery, regardless of your age, sex, or race, is the willingness to help yourself.” David Burns

My client Terry had an interesting experience with this film. For quite some time she kept telling me about her low self-esteem. Even though Terry is an attractive woman, she often complained about her appearance. Besides working in a law firm, she took some college classes but didn’t think that she was smart enough to make it through school. Terry would have loved to become a teacher. When I asked her about her upbringing, she told me that she had very critical parents. She was the oldest and her parents had extremely high expectations of her. Almost nothing she did was good enough. I explained to Terry my thoughts about the inner critic and showed her the list of unhealthy thought patterns. After listening carefully she told me, “I am sorry, but I do not think that how I see myself is based upon an unhealthy thought pattern. Unfortunately, how I see myself looks very true to me.” She could not imagine a different perspective. Because Terry had such a negative self-image, she appeared insecure at work, which made her less successful than she could be. She told me that she did not want to date because that would be too scary. Her few friends also suffered from low self-esteem. I suggested she watch the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding and encouraged her especially to watch how Toula transforms herself from an “ugly duckling” into an attractive, successful woman. When we saw each other again, I asked Terry, “Do you think that Toula’s view of herself could have been distorted at the beginning of the movie? What might have been her unhealthy thought patterns? How, do you think, was this character able to let go of her self-doubts? Imagine yourself as Toula when she lets go of her negative beliefs. What negative thoughts about yourself are dropping away? How does this feel? How do you perceive yourself now?” Since Terry was very tired of her low self-esteem, she was open to these questions and thought about them. She didn’t know all the answers right away but kept remembering my

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questions throughout the next month. After a while she started looking much more confident. Terry thought now that Toula may have struggled with most of the unhealthy thought patterns on the list. “Toula views herself as ugly and incapable,” Terry said. “It was obvious that she takes on the ‘shoulds’ of her family who seem to keep Toula ‘in a box.’ ” When Terry saw this, she had to admit to herself that she struggled with this thought pattern herself. She understood also that she frequently had a “negative perspective” by dwelling on the negative and ignoring the positive. As soon as she admitted to herself that her self-image might be distorted like Toula’s in the first part of the film, Terry started questioning her thinking. What if it weren’t completely true? If her thinking was distorted, could she change like Toula did? Terry came more and more to the conclusion: “What Toula can do, I can do too.” Whenever she caught herself dwelling on her weaknesses, she started questioning it. When she noticed some real shortcomings, such as her weakness in math, she acknowledged it and studied harder until she completed her class successfully. Before Terry would have given up because she believed she was “too stupid to get it anyway” (black-and-white thinking). Terry began to enjoy her classes and became a good student. After a while and with her newly gained confidence, she started dating too. To improve your self-esteem, watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding now or choose a movie in which a character goes through a similar transformation. If you prefer a different film and cannot remember one with this theme, choose from the Self-Esteem category, under Personal Questions in the Film Index or pick from the following list. Each of these movies shows one or more characters that are able to let go of selfdoubt and start believing in their strengths. They develop their self-esteem. Focus specifically on the turning point in the film when these characters start feeling positive about themselves as well as the internal and external changes they experience.

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Movie Previews: Dead Poets Society (1989) Prep school student Todd Anderson suffers in the shadow of his roommate and his older brother who was the valedictorian of his class. But inspired by an English teacher who urges his charges to break with the status quo by introducing them to the ancient tradition of the Dead Poets Society, Todd learns to see himself in a new light. Good Will Hunting (1997) Will is a mathematical genius with low self-esteem. After he solves a difficult math problem, the discovery of his immense talent propels him into therapy. But in the end it is the love of a woman that finally compels him to throw out his distorted self-image and to adapt to his reality in a healthier way. Mr. Holland’s Opus (1995) Composer Glenn Holland is forced to take a job teaching music to pay the rent. Meanwhile, in his spare time, he strives to achieve the one goal he thinks will justify his life: writing one memorable piece of music. But as the years slip by with his main goal unfulfilled, he finds that teaching itself has surprisingly become the life fulfillment he never suspected it could be. Through his teaching he helps many students to change their negative views of themselves into healthy self-esteem. This helps Holland to increasingly value himself. Muriel’s Wedding (1994) Life in Muriel’s small Australian town is dull. She hides in her room obsessing over “Abba” music and fantasizing about her wedding day, which will not come because she has never had a date. But after daring to

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“borrow” some money, she moves to the city, alters her name, and reinvents her life, thus learning to value herself. Exercise 6: Finding Unhealthy Thought Patterns Focusing on the movie you choose to watch, ask yourself about the characters who thought negatively about themselves. Can you recognize any of the unhealthy thought patterns listed above? How was this character able to let go of self-doubts? Imagine yourself as the characters when they let go of their unhealthy thought patterns. What distorted thoughts about yourself are diminishing as you “become” them? How does this feel? How do you see yourself and your environment now? Take some slow breaths and listen inwardly. Describe your thoughts about yourself on the issue of jettisoning self-doubt. Exercise 7: Gaining Self-Esteem What happened when the movie character you have watched gained self-esteem? Try to imagine the positive, realistic thoughts about herself that likely replaced her harsh inner critic. What positive, realistic thoughts arise for you as you question and let go of negative thinking? How does this make you feel? What impact could this new perspective have on your life? Listen inwardly. Describe your experience and your thoughts about yourself around positive beliefs and increased self-esteem.

Step 3: Acknowledging Weaknesses and Learning from Mistakes You feel bad about yourself because you made a mistake. In this case your inner critic serves as an inner voice that makes

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you aware of your undesired behavior or attitudes. It serves as a messenger, encouraging you to correct your mistake, to apologize, or to learn from your mistake for the future. Even though you made a mistake, it is important that you do not fall into the trap of viewing yourself as a bad person. Tapping yourself in this way can make it harder to learn from your mistake because it might make you feel defensive or tempt you to deny it. Note the following films in which characters demonstrate the courage of recognizing their mistakes or weaknesses, either explicitly or implicitly, and learning from them. About Schmidt (2002)

“Mistakes are inevitable. Since you can’t avoid them entirely, you need to learn how to handle them, as this greatly determines their effect on your selfesteem.” Matthew McKay

Warren Schmidt is a self-centered man. He has an awkward relationship with his wife and his estranged daughter Jeannie. Inevitably, his retirement produces plenty of time for reflection. After his wife suddenly dies and his daughter plans marriage, feelings of abandonment and remorse emerge. He acknowledges his mistakes in letters to Ngudu, an African boy whom he adopts in a long-distance relationship. Parenthood (1990) Gil Buckman is determined to be “a good pop,” something his father never was. Yet his father, who appears distant and cold, still has a soft heart when it comes to his other son who is younger, childless, and with a gambling problem. Without providing easy answers, this movie explores the complexities of a multigenerational clan as they work to overcome their past by examining the mistakes that were made while raising children in a typical American suburb. Malcom X (1992) Malcom experiences adventures on city streets and in dance halls with booze, drugs, and easy women. He

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falls under the influence of a street hustler, becomes a numbers runner, and ends up in prison for petty burglary. There he reflects about his life, joins with a Black Muslim leader, and starts his spiritual journey as a minister and activist for racial justice. After his pilgrimage to Mecca he learns to work with other civil rights leaders and even whites to create a better life for his people. Exercise 8: Acknowledging Your Weaknesses and Learning From Mistakes Describe how you felt when you observed the characters acknowledging their weaknesses and mistakes. How and where in your life could you adopt this thinking and behavior to be able to learn from your mistakes? How would this make you feel? How would it affect your self-esteem?

Step 4: Determination and Endurance You might experience low self-esteem because you have some real deficiencies or shortcomings. For example, you compare yourself with others and feel bad about yourself because it is not easy for you to make small talk, learn to play the piano, or to speak a second language. If you want to increase your selfesteem by overcoming these weaknesses, watching one of the following films and then by completing Exercise 9 can help you develop and increase your motivation, determination, and endurance to improve the desired behavior patterns or skills. Focus specifically on the character that seems to use endurance for growth and improvement. Seabiscuit (2003) Seabiscuit was wrongly perceived as being a misfit racehorse, but he overcame great odds to become a folk

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hero at the height of the Great Depression. In addition to telling this true-life story of a champion horse, this film also tells the tale of three men who were broken by life but saw their lives gain new meaning when Seabiscuit showed them how to rise above overwhelming obstacles with steadfastness and determination. A Beautiful Mind (2002) Based on the life of Nobel prize-winning mathematician John Nash, this film shows Nash slowly slipping into a schizophrenic fantasy world and losing his grip on reality. When his illness finally comes to light, the medical treatments threaten to wipe out his intellectual gifts. He opts instead for the risky path of using mental discipline alone to ward off his disease and ultimately triumphs after years of struggle. Billy Elliot (2000) An Irish boy pursues his dream of learning to become a ballet dancer despite fierce opposition from his macho father and brother who insist he learn to box and work in the local mine. Billy does not give up dancing. The buried pain in both father/son relationships is healed when the boy wins a chance to audition for the National Ballet.

Exercise 9: Getting in Touch with Your Determination and Endurance Describe how you felt when you observed the characters’ determination and endurance. How and where in your life could you adopt this attitude? How would this make you feel? How would it affect your self-esteem?

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Step 5: Accepting Weaknesses to Focus on True Capacities If you find limitations as you try to improve, watching different kinds of movies can help you learn to become more compassionate with yourself as you learn to accept your shortcomings. Accepting your weaknesses allows you to focus more on expanding your true capacities and strengths. Watch one of the following films and focus specifically on the character who demonstrates self-acceptance. The Other Sister (1999) Carla is mentally retarded but functional. She fully accepts her condition. After graduating from occupational therapy school, she is determined to live in her own apartment, but her wealthy family has a limited view of her capabilities forcing her to struggle for her independence, which finally culminates in a romantic relationship. Real Women Have Curves (2002) “Curvy” Ana Garcia is the daughter of Mexican immigrants living in Los Angeles. Focusing on her academic skills, she is so successful that one of her teachers thinks she has a good chance of acceptance into Columbia University. Society’s standards of beauty and that her family does not want Ana to attempt such lofty goals, undermine her positive self-image. When she has to work in her sister’s dingy little seamstress shop, Ana stands proudly in the middle of her cohorts and proclaims her independence of society’s vision. I Am Sam (2001) Sam has the mental capacity of a seven-year-old but the heart of a giant. His retardation does not deter him

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from his goal: He is determined to raise his small daughter, Lucy, himself. But as she turns seven and becomes smarter than Sam, she holds herself back. That prompts the state to put her in a foster home forcing Sam into court where he must convince the judge and even his own lawyer that he is capable of parenting a child.

Exercise 10: Accepting Yourself and Focusing on Your Capacities Describe how you felt when you observed the characters accepting themselves. How and where in your life could you adopt this behavior to focus on your true capacities? How would this make you feel? How would it affect your self-esteem?

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7 Grief and Transformation A Sufi master once said: “If you think your work in life is finished and you are still alive, it isn’t.” What this simple statement acknowledges is that no matter how we manage our lives they will always be beset by challenges that can often be difficult and painful. The trick is learning how to avoid becoming unbearably burdened and wounded by them and to transform these challenges into an opportunity to become more fully our true selves. Though life may feel precarious at times, it is also made up of a series of wonderful events. We are hired for the job we’ve always wanted; the man or woman of our dreams falls head over heels in love with us; a child is born. Life is good. Finally we find ourselves just where we want to be. Things seem perfect and settled. For a while we are convinced that they will remain this way forever. But life is a constant series of changes. Change is inevitable; permanence, an illusion. If our secret desire for permanence ever were fulfilled, the result would be akin to death. Happily, life refuses to let us forget this fact for long.

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“When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” Kalhil Gibran,

Crises often seem to happen to us just when things are going their best. The thing we thought would never happen to us happens, and in the aftermath our future seems not only unclear and uncertain, it looks completely unacceptable. Be it the death of a parent, a divorce, the loss of an important job, a serious illness or disability, the change can be a psychological cataclysm. Suddenly, nothing seems fixed or stable anymore. We feel deeply hurt and disoriented, as if our emotional survival is at stake. It seems there is no way we can possibly bear the pain. At such times it’s easy to wonder whether we will ever find the hope necessary to continue on and heal our wounds or will instead be emotionally crippled for the rest of our life. Even small, everyday disappointments can arouse much pain: someone rear-ends our car, we miss a plane, critical computer data is lost. No one is able to avoid learning the harsh lesson of what it means to lose in the game of life. As a result, we can easily become sad or angry. Our future can seem bleak and dark. If a string of such losses continues, we might despair of ever seeing a brighter future. At such times the important question to ask is how do we take each death of these individual expectations without giving in to the death of our spirit? Surprisingly, the crux of our healing lies in the very act of asking ourselves this crucial question. The first step to healing our grief is to look closely at the stories we tell ourselves about our situation.

Step 1: Changing Distorted Beliefs What explanation do we hold for our seemingly unending struggle with loss and disappointment? Becoming conscious of the distorted thought patterns about ourselves can guide us to new ways of responding to our challenges. These distorted beliefs can take many forms, but typically they fall into one of the following three categories:
I am suffering because I’m a victim
If it hurts, it must be good for me

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I deserve this pain because I made mistakes Such thoughts can actually injure us emotionally if we accept them. They can make us deeply depressed or anxious. Therefore, we need to examine them, and if we find we hold some version of these thought patterns, we must correct them. But sometimes such distorted beliefs can be so deeply ingrained in our worldview that we do not even know they are there. The first step to changing them is to become fully aware of them. One way to accomplish this is to look at the feedback you are probably already receiving. Think back through your life carefully. Perhaps friends have talked to you about this kind of belief and told you it is distorted or simply untrue. Perhaps your own intuition has given you similar messages. The following is an exercise I sometimes give my clients to assist them in examining ingrained negative beliefs about themselves. Exercise 1: Distorted Belief Cost-Benefit Analysis If you find you hold a distorted, self-defeating belief about yourself around your loss and would like to learn how to let go of it, start by investigating its advantages and disadvantages. Use this form to guide you. If you find you have more than one distorted belief, start with the most obvious, then repeat the process for the others. Name the distorted belief you want to change: Advantages of believing this:

Disadvantages of believing this:

If you could have a healthy belief, it would be:

“The soul is a perfect judge of her own motions, if your mind does not dictate to her. . . The soul’s deepest will is to preserve its own integrity, against the mind and the whole mass of disintegrating forces.” D. H. Lawrence

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You may discover that there are some important reasons why you have held on to your distorted belief(s). Perhaps they have served you earlier in your life. But those reasons, no matter how right they may still feel, do not make these beliefs true. Whenever one of them pops up in your mind again, remember why it is there and gently let it go. Try weighing it against the healthy belief you entered in the bottom box. Open your mind to the possibility that this alternate view may be a truer representation of your reality. Be patient. By continually questioning yourself about your distorted beliefs and weighing them against more realistic explanations for your lot in life, change is possible. But change will not take place overnight. Like moving into a new house or city, changing your beliefs may take some getting used to.

Step 2: Processing Grief “Don’t turn away, Keep your eye on the Bandaged place. That’s where the light enters you.” Rumi

After examining how your rational mind reacts to loss and disappointment, an important second step is to examine how your emotional body reacts as well. You need to understand how you grieve. First, open your mind to the idea that grief is a necessary part of any healthy human life. Consider the following facts that are well summarized by Howard J. Lunche in Understanding Grief:1
Because we love and get attached, grief is an inevitable part of living.
Grief is also a natural consequence of small or large losses and disappointments.
Though we share common grief reactions, each person’s experience of loss and grief is unique.
Grief can appear in different kinds of emotional experiences, such as sadness, depression, despair, anger,

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irritability, frustration and more. Underneath these feelings usually lies a hurt about someone or something we need to let go of, to detach from.
Grief — whether it’s about small or large losses — is a process that unfolds naturally when we become aware of this underlying pain. Grieving is a healing process and can become a transformative process when we experience, acknowledge, and express this pain with a compassionate heart. For some, grieving comes naturally. But for others, grief is like a strange and frightening landscape, seldom if ever visited. If grief is difficult for you, there are many ways to support this process, such as counseling with a therapist, joining a support group, talking to a good friend, reading a book about your specific struggle, sitting in meditation, or taking a walk in nature. Another method you may not have considered is to watch a specific motion picture with conscious intent. You may be surprised at how a simple movie-viewing experience, combined with the following exercises, can help dissolve blocked up emotions and aid you in exploring your grief with compassion.

Exercise 2: Learning to Be With Your Pain in a Compassionate Way Watching a sad movie can be a powerful catalyst. Choose a film that touched you deeply and helped you cry when you watched it previously. If none comes to mind, use the Film Index (especially the section Crying For Emotional Catharsis under Personal Questions) for suggestions. Make yourself very comfortable at home and let yourself cry as much as you like. Allow your heart to open up. By feeling compassion with the characters’ pain, you might develop compassion with your own struggle. As you watch the film, keep in mind the

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell That encloses your understanding.” Kalhil Gibran

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“We have to face the pain we have been running from. In fact, we need to learn to rest in it and let its searing power transform us.” Charlotte Joko Beck

guidelines for conscious movie viewing (see Chapter 3). If you do not want to be by yourself, invite a trusted friend to watch the movie with you and talk about your feelings afterwards. Immediately following the film, write about your feelings. The movie plot and your reaction to it may seem important, but focus your writing as much as possible on how these feelings relate to a loss or disappointment you suffered in real life and your reaction to it. This process is an important step toward owning our pain and deeply understanding its dimensions and demands. Grieving is necessary so that we eventually come to find the deeper meaning of what might otherwise destroy us. By opening to our pain we learn that we can grieve and live at the same time.

Step 3: Moving Toward Health and Wholeness An ancient people tell the story about an elder who was talking to his disciples about tragedy. The elder said, “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, despairing one. The other wolf is the strong and hopeful one.” And the disciples asked, “Which one will win the fight in your heart, the despairing one or the hopeful one?” The wise elder answered, “It depends on which wolf I feed.” We need to feed the wisdom, strength, and hope that can come out of despair. At the same time, we need to stay in the struggle, whatever our situation, until it is transformed into new life. No one comes out of deep suffering the same kind of person they were when they went into it. Of course, it is possible that we come out of it worse than when we went in. Life’s challenges can sour us. But it is equally possible if we reflect on our

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pain to come out stronger and wiser than when our suffering began. Our pain can be a call to conversion, a spur for us to grow up. Our struggle with loss can be the springboard for a healing transformation. What is not possible, however, is to stay the same. One way or the other, struggle is guaranteed to change us. We usually think about hope as being grounded in the future, something I call wishful hope. But there is another kind of hope — one fulfilled in the future but born from fully remembering our past. I call this kind of hope transformative. Unlike wishful hope, this other kind of hope depends on our ability to remember that we have survived everything in this life so far, and because of that, odds are we will be able to master this latest challenge too. Transformative hope is not a denial of reality; it is not a matter of waiting for things outside of us to get better. Instead, it relies on our own inner wisdom, strength, and courage to take a series of small actions that transform darkness into light. No longer is hope a hedge against suffering; now suffering is the foundation for our hope. Many movies have been made that begin in despair and end in triumph. These films can help you get in touch with transformative hope. If you can identify with characters trapped in their circumstances and share their disappointments along with their unsteady steps toward liberation, you may find reason for optimism in your own situation. It may help you gain the courage to do what is necessary to change your reactions to loss. Let yourself be inspired to learn how to survive loss and disappointment without succumbing to it, how to bear struggle without being defeated but rather to be transformed by it. Below is a series of four exercises aimed at awakening this sense of transformative hope. Perform the exercises after watching a film you chose specifically for its modeling of transformative qualities. Look for and focus on strength, courage, endurance, and determination in the main characters. A good example of one such film is Frida (2002), based on the 1983 book by Hayden Herrera, a biography of the iconic,

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“Maybe I finally find it, way down here in the mud. Maybe from down here I can start up again, be something I can be proud of without having to fake it. Be a fake human being. Maybe I can see something I don’t yet see, learn something I don’t yet know.” Chris Taylor (Charlie Sheen in Platoon)

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passionate, communist, bisexual Mexican painter, Frida Kahlo. As with many films and stories, the values and beliefs of the main characters in Frida may differ from yours, but try to view it as an opportunity to step inside another person’s shoes. However your lifestyle may deviate from Frida’s, her story serves as an example of how pain and disappointment can transform a life for the better. Movie Analysis: Frida (2002) The movie shows the many major challenges Frida faces with strength and courage throughout her life of forty-seven years. She grows up in Mexico City, at a time when it was teeming with famous exiles. She experienced much difficulty earning a livelihood, and her parents’ relationship was filled with conflict. Despite financial constraints, she demonstrated what in her time and culture, was an unusual determination by going to school to become a doctor. Frida’s studies are cut short by a trolley crash that almost kills her. Bones are shattered in her back, and her body pierced with a steel rod. While recovering, her young lover leaves her. Frida goes through anguish and despair. Isolated in a cast and bedridden, she begins to paint. Throughout her life she has multiple surgeries and is never free of pain. Frida paints with the same bold courage that helps her to survive. Eventually her strength and determination in the midst of her struggle transforms her into a fine artist. Feeling better, Frida falls in love and marries her mentor, the muralist Diego Rivera who is already a legend. Frida, who had been such a serious student and confident young woman, is suddenly completely dependent on her husband, painting almost exclusively for him. And this, once again, causes her pain that is reflected in her art. His work dwarfs the scale of her

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paintings. But slowly, with much endurance, she rises out of that shadow as her own work begins to garner recognition. Both Frida and Diego eventually demonstrate emotional endurance and a willingness to discover whom the other person is as well as discovering their own true identity. When the film ends with Frida’s death, the impression remains that despite the many crises in her life, she never lost her passion, remained full of courage to be who she was, and to take life as it came, even the suffering. Watch Frida (or choose an appropriate film you’ve already seen), or select one from the Film Index (especially the categories Overcoming Challenges and Gaining Hope and Encouragement — both found under Inspiration). Select one whose characters demonstrate determination, steadfastness, and courage, which leads them to transformative changes. It is not crucial that the plot matches your situation exactly. More important is that you get a sense of the strength that the characters find in themselves that helps them prevail. Some experience a profound inner change in the process. Focus on these aspects of the films. The following list might refresh your memory or give you some more specific ideas about a movie to choose: Whale Rider (2003) In present-day New Zealand the twelve-year-old Maori girl, Pai believes that she could serve as the chief of her tribe. Her grandfather loves her but fiercely opposes this idea. He doubts Pai, questioning her achievements, insists, despite everything she achieves, that she is only a girl. This causes her much pain, but she perseveres, demonstrating amazing strength and determination to reach her goal.

“And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” Kalhil Gibran

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Groundhog Day (1993) A cynical TV reporter is transformed by his experiences after he is caught in a demoralizing time warp. Ordinary People (1980) A suicidal teen struggles to overcome his survivor’s guilt. As he finds emotional healing, he forces his suburban family to come to grips with their stifling roles. Life is Beautiful (1997) A Jewish “class clown” uses humor to overcome a desperate situation and tries to protect his young son from the brutal truths of life in an Italian concentration camp under fascist rule. Out of Rosenheim (Baghdad Café) (1988) A down-and-out desert café owner and her “family” are transformed by the magic of an overweight and irrepressible German tourist suddenly stranded in their midst. Kramer vs. Kramer (1979) Two divorcés find that the custody battle over their child brings them much pain but eventually leads to healing understanding of themselves and each other. A Town Like Alice (1981) A young Australian man falls in love with a British nurse when both are POWs in Japanese-occupied Malaysia. The man is tortured for aiding the nurse. Their strength and determination help them to reunite in the Australian outback only to face new hardships as they rekindle their love and accept their very different expectations.

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Norma Rae (1979) With much endurance a young widow rises above her impoverished circumstances and against stiff opposition to lead fellow textile factory workers in efforts to unionize. On Golden Pond (1981) A patriarch and his family heal ancient hurts when a lifetime of stifled emotions erupts during a traditional summer holiday. My Left Foot (1989) A marvelously gifted but horribly handicapped Irishman must struggle with cerebral palsy. With much courage and determination he learns to write with the only part of his body left unscathed by his wasting disease, his left foot. After you have finished watching one of the movies, take some deep breaths and let the impressions of the film help you with the following exercises. Exercise 3: Acceptance In order to heal and transform we need to first accept ourselves, to admit that we are wounded. We need to take powerlessness and reclaim it as surrender. We need to take vulnerability and draw out of it the freedom that comes with self-acceptance. Our strength and hope lie in the acceptance of our limitations. In the acceptance of our limitations we become, ironically, a fuller self. Write about how these thoughts relate to you and your own struggles. Exercise 4: Small Acts of Courage Despite Fear Though fear can paralyze the spirit, it also calls us to

“When we focus and identify with our fracturedness, we become afraid of ourselves. But as we allow ourselves to penetrate deeper, working to acknowledge these things, to let go of our partialness and hiding, the fractures no longer obscure the whole picture.” Stephen Levine

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access one tiny act of courage to keep hope alive. These small acts can start to put us back in control of our lives. Did you see a character in the film you watched that showed some small act of courage despite his or her fear? Have you yourself done this in the past? Describe how you felt when you did this and how it helped you prevail.

“Our suffering is caused by holding to how things might have been, should have been, could have been. Grief is part of our daily existence.” Stephen Levine

Exercise 5: Determination and Endurance Ironically, it is the very process of responding with determination to each element in our struggle that nourishes hope. We need to face the exhaustion struggle brings and endure to the end. We should not give in to the thing that defeated us. Endurance eventually will kindle a glimmer of hope in the darkness and make transformation imperative. Did you see examples in the film that show how determination and endurance helped certain characters become stronger? Have you experienced this in the past? Describe your experience and how it could apply to your current situation and potential future. Exercise 6: Transformation Struggle with loss and disappointment can scar us, but it can revitalize us too. An emptiness we feel inside us, created by the loss, needs to be filled with something valuable. Out of all this can come new strength, a new sense of self, new compassion, and a new sense of purpose in our life. There are some parts of the human character that are best honed under tension. Struggle can transform us from our small, puny, self-centered selves into people with compassion. Not only can it heal us, it can make us healers as

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well. For this to happen we need to learn to listen better. We cannot walk quickly, so we learn to wait. Did you see examples in the film you watched that illustrate this kind of transformation? Have you experienced this yourself in the past? Take some slow breaths and listen inwardly. Describe your experience and how it could apply to your current situation and potential future.

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8 How Film Characters Affect Us — The Film Matrix Our reactions to the characters in films can teach us much about who we are and what we can do to further our personal growth. Have you ever left a movie theater feeling that you sometimes behave and think exactly like a character in the film? Did you remember situations in your life that reminded you of the scenes in which this character seemed to feel the way you did? You may have enjoyed reflecting on the similarities you shared with the character because they were qualities that you like in yourself. Or perhaps it was just the opposite: You felt uncomfortable because the character that resembled you embodied traits that you dislike in yourself. Do you remember having watched a character that seemed very much different or opposite in nature from you? Perhaps you admired certain qualities in this character and wished that

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they were yours but cannot imagine ever being like this “hero.” Or perhaps you strongly disliked everything about a certain character that seemed very different from you. In fact, you were glad to be a better person. How we respond to different movie characters can show us who we are. We learn most from characters who touched us with their charisma, attitude, looks, demeanor, or actions. When they move us, something inside resonates with what we perceive. Our understanding of our emotional reaction to what we see and hear in the film is like looking into a mirror of our internal world. The more intense our emotional response to a character or their behavior, the more clear and direct is the reflection of our own psyche. Usually we identify with characters when we recognize ourselves in them. They remind us of how we see ourselves. Whatever we like or dislike in a character is usually what we like or dislike in ourselves. This understanding can be of great assistance with our efforts to expand positive qualities and to successfully work with our shortcomings as well as with our negative view of who we are.

Why We Learn from our Projections on Film Characters Projection is an interesting concept in this context. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary the verb “project” stems etymologically from Middle and Old French, as well as Greek and Latin for “throwing forward.” Among others, the dictionary lists the following meanings for projection: The display of motion pictures by projecting an image from them upon a screen and a) The act of perceiving a mental object as spatially and sensibly objective; also something so perceived or b) The attribution of one’s own ideas, feelings, or attitudes to other people or to objects.

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All three meanings are relevant here. First, the movie is projected on a white screen; then, everyone who watches these images projects a different meaning on what he or she sees. How and what we project depends on our view of the world, our history, and our personality. Psychology uses the concept of projection in different ways. In the more orthodox texts it is seen as a mechanism of projecting our own unconscious or undesirable characteristics onto others. In psychoanalytic theory, for example, projection is seen as a defense mechanism in which various forbidden thoughts and impulses are attributed to another person rather than the self, thus warding off anxiety (e.g., “I hate you” becomes “You hate me”). This way we project our unpleasant feelings onto somebody else and blame them for thoughts that we really have. I call this the “narrow definition” of projection. Getting to know our disowned parts prevents us from acting out in an involuntary and undesired way. Becoming conscious and accepting these “shadow” qualities can help us become more authentic and whole human beings and even access our hidden potential. Understanding our projections guides us to more emotional healing and inner freedom. If we strongly dislike certain movie characters or their behavior, we need to consider that we might be projecting our own not yet fully conscious shortcomings onto them. These characters seem different from how we see ourselves. Becoming consciously aware of them can help us start accessing parts of our psyche that we weren’t aware of. We learn that the negative traits we see in the characters or their behavior could be part of our own repressed “shadow” self. For our further exploration in this context I find a more general definition of “projection” useful. We may also project our disowned positive qualities onto a film character, as we admire or idealize them. Admiring a character and his or her actions may point to qualities that are hidden from our full awareness. Therefore, I also find it useful to explore the

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projection on movie characters of desirable characteristics that do not “fit” into our self-image. Understanding this kind of projection helps us recognize these admirable qualities in ourselves. Gaining recognition of our positive character traits in this indirect way helps us in the process of learning to own these previously hidden qualities. In order for us to realize our full potential, they need to be discovered and developed. An even more general definition of projection includes the process of assuming that others feel, perceive, and act similarly to the way we feel, perceive, or act. Here projection refers to all conscious or unconscious interpretations of our life experience. According to this definition it is not necessary for a projected trait to be unconscious. We are already conscious of positive or negative traits that we project on a movie character. We learn to remember these traits and to fully recognize and acknowledge them in ourselves as we see them in the characters. This way our positive qualities can be strengthened. As we deepen our understanding of how we see ourselves in a negative way, we become better able to either improve our shortcomings or let go of our negative perspective. It helps to know that other people, who are like the film characters, struggle with similar deficiencies. To clarify the process of projection the following are steps that we go through as we watch a movie.

Stages of projection when we identify with characters or their actions: 1. Watching a character outside ourselves in a movie. 2. Beginning to identify with a character, scene, etc.— “I feel like a character,” or “I hate what he is doing.” 3. Starting to develop a sense of ownership of what was felt through a character or scene. “This feels exactly like my life.”

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4. Examining and working with positive or negative qualities, which first were “outside of ourselves but on the screen” and now are recognized as our own. Stages of projection of our disowned parts:

“No form of art goes beyond ordinary consciousness as film does, straight to our emotions, deep into the twilight room of the soul.” Ingmar Bergman

1. Watching a character outside ourselves in a movie. 2. Beginning to like or dislike a character, their behavior, or certain attributes that we do not recognize in ourselves. 3. Examining whether a character, their behavior, or attributes might be part of our not-yet-fully-recognized positive qualities or repressed “shadow” self. 4. Exploring ways to become more whole by embracing the projected positive qualities in order to realize our full potential as well as acknowledging our repressed “shadow” self to move toward emotional healing and inner freedom.

Using Film Characters to Understand Ourselves To illustrate how our projections onto movie characters can be used for self-discovery, meet Evelyn and Eric, individuals in one of my cinema therapy groups. When I assigned the movie Grand Canyon (1991), they came back to our next meeting excited about the film and the characters. First, I explained to the group the idea of projection and what we can learn about ourselves through our awareness of our projections. Everyone was curious to learn how to use the movie characters for selfunderstanding and growth. Evelyn remembered that the film had already moved her deeply years ago when she saw it for the first time. All group members agreed that one important aspect of the movie was how chance happenings could fundamentally alter our lives forever. Grand Canyon is full of characters and events that made the group think of their real life. They saw the film as confronting them with the big question of why we are all here and showing us that we never know what tomorrow has in store for us.

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Movie Preview: Grand Canyon A white and wealthy accountant, Mack, is stranded in the ghetto when his car breaks down. A black gang sets upon him. But at the last minute, Simon, a black tow truck driver arrives to rescue him. This brush with possible death or serious injury causes the otherwise happy Mack to reexamine his values. Thus awakened to life’s richer possibilities, he decides to repay Simon’s kindness by getting involved in his life, helping him locate a better apartment, and setting him up on a blind date. Thus begins an unlikely friendship between these two men, which serves as the centerpiece in a web of interconnected stories, many of which illustrate the possibilities when people allow themselves to go beyond society’s barriers. Both Evelyn and Eric liked Mack. Of all characters, both saw themselves most in him. They perceived Mack as grateful, openhearted, and caring. Both remembered incidents in which they themselves had expressed their gratitude for somebody by “playing fate” for that person. Both liked the openness and humanity in Mack that they appreciated in others and themselves. Simon is a divorced, hardworking tow-truck driver. He is a caring soul who keeps in constant touch with his deaf daughter in Washington, D.C. and looks after his sister, who lives in a violence-ridden ghetto. Her teenage son is convinced that he will not live to be twenty-five. Evelyn and Eric enjoyed watching Simon because they had warm feelings for him. Both admired him for his courage, his street smarts, and his generosity. They especially liked how committed he was to his family. At the same time both thought they were very different from Simon because they could never imagine being so courageous.

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At the same time as regard develops between Mack and Simon, Mack’s wife Claire has an extraordinary experience that opens her heart too. Their son is about to leave for college, and as the empty nest looms, a miracle falls into her life: She hears crying in the bushes along her daily jogging route and finds an abandoned baby. She brings it home, falls in love with it, and wants to keep it. Evelyn and Eric could also relate to Claire’s thinking and behavior. At the same time, both disliked several aspects of her character, but for different reasons. Evelyn enjoyed the softness of Claire’s character but thought she was naïve. She said she too had had fantasies that she might find a baby in a park. Evelyn often hates herself for being such a dreamer. Eric identified with Claire, and he strongly disliked that she seemed to cling to her son so much. Often he hated himself because he had problems accepting that his teenage daughter was growing up and going her own ways. Mack’s best friend Davis is a producer of violent movies. Early in the movie, he complains because an editor has left out the “money shot” (a bus driver graphically shot in the head). Then a mugger shoots Davis in the leg. He feels real pain and has a strong awakening, vowing to not make any more violent movies. After his recovery, however, Davis goes back to his old ways. Evelyn disliked almost everything about Davis. She could not relate to this character and thought him selfish, rude, heartless, ruthless, and abusive. She doubted that he would stick to his intention to change following the mugging, and she was right. She reacted strongly and believed that she is very different from Davis.

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Mack’s secretary, Dee, is romantically interested in Mack. When he does not respond, she seems heartbroken and depressed. Eric had his strongest negative emotional reaction to Dee. He didn’t like her and could not identify with her at all because she seemed needy and immoral. He was appalled that Dee approached Mack romantically, fully knowing that he had a wife and children. The following two Film Matrices reflect Evelyn’s and Eric’s reactions to the film characters:

Evelyn’s Film Matrix Character you identify with strongly or in some ways

like most I Mack: because he was grateful, openhearted, and caring

like least II Claire: because she seemed naïve

identify with less or not at all

III Simon: because he was street smart, courageous, and very generous

IV Davis: because he was selfish, rude, heartless, ruthless, and abused his power

Character you identify with strongly or in some ways

like most I Mack: because he was grateful, openhearted, and caring

like least II Claire: because she struggled letting go of son

identify with less or not at all

III Simon: because he was street smart, courageous, and very generous

IV Dee: because she was needy and immoral

Eric’s Film Matrix

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Exercise: Creating Your Film Matrix Fill out your own Film Matrix. Select film characters that touched you most, in a positive or negative way. You can choose Grand Canyon or any other movie. It is usually easier and equally beneficial to choose characters from different films because not every movie is so full of diverse characters as Grand Canyon. If you choose to start with only one movie, you may be able to fill out certain parts of the matrix first. As you keep watching films, and observe your responses to more characters, you will be able to complete the matrix eventually. I suggest using films that affect you emotionally or in which one or several characters touched you.

Your Film Matrix: Character you

like most

like least

identify with strongly or in some ways

I

II

identify with less or not at all

III

IV

Guidelines for your Film Matrix: These guidelines can be used right after watching one specific movie or while reflecting on all the films you can remember: Quadrant I: Has there been one character that you especially liked and with whom you especially identified? Was there a

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character who sometimes acted, felt, or viewed the world in a similar way as you do? This character may also have shown some behaviors that are different from yours, but focus only on the similarities you liked. Write their name into Quadrant I. If you can think of several characters, choose the one you identified with most. Quadrant II: Write down the name of a different character in which you saw yourself, but for this quadrant choose a character you disliked overall. He should have aspects of his personality or should have behaved and expressed himself in ways of which you do not approve. And again, if you can think of several characters, choose the one you identified with most. For Quadrant III: Choose a character that strikes you as being different from yourself but whom you liked or admired, either for their innate qualities or possibly for the way they related to others. If you can think of several characters, choose the one about whom you feel most positively. In Quadrant IV: Write the name of a character you could not identify with, or could only identify with very little and about whom you had negative feelings perhaps because of their demeanor, expressions, or actions. If in doubt, choose the one you identify with the least and toward whom you felt most negatively. After you have completed your Film Matrix, use it in the exercises that follow in chapters 9 and 10.

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9 Self-Discovery Through Film Characters — The Self Matrix Step 1: Acknowledging Positive Qualities With the next four steps you will be guided to create your Self Matrix. In building this new matrix, you are asked to identify attitudes and traits in your own personality that match those of the characters in your Film Matrix, which you created in Chapter 8. We will begin in Quadrant I, which contains qualities that you like about yourself. When Evelyn and Eric filled out their Self Matrix, they remembered that they tended to care a lot for others and their well-being, as did Mack. They often express their appreciation when somebody helps or supports them. They see themselves as friendly and likable people who value their families and

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friends. Therefore, each of them wrote into the first quadrant of their Self Matrix something similar to this:

Evelyn and Eric’s Quadrant I Qualities or capacities you

like in yourself

are aware of

I friendly, likable, openhearted, grateful, value and are committed to friends and family

You might be uncomfortable acknowledging your positive attributes or accomplishments. It may strike you as immodest to praise yourself. But to unfold our full potential, we need to fully respect and appreciate our special attributes. Good parenting means praising a child’s accomplishments. Acting as our own internal “parent,” we need to give our subconscious reinforcing positive inputs that encourage our qualities to grow and strengthen. Our projections on film characters help us in this process. It is often easier to appreciate others than it is to appreciate ourselves. When we become aware that we value these attributes in the characters, it will be obvious that it is permissible to do the same for ourselves too. For Eric and Evelyn it is easy to respect and appreciate others. When they thought about their first quadrant of the Self Matrix, they learned to appreciate themselves more fully for their friendliness, openheartedness, ability to commit, and so on. Both recalled that they are known in their circle of friends as especially likable people. When they shared these reflections in our group, the other group members agreed with this perspective of the two. It became obvious to everyone that this sharing process made Evelyn and Eric feel very good about themselves; their eyes sparkled brightly. Exercise 1: Acknowledging Your Positive Qualities Revisit your own Film Matrix. Look at Quadrant I

“Through our intense, sometimes inexplicable feelings or reactions to a character or plot, we can recover our own powers — for both good and evil.” Marsha Sinetar

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“All the arts we practice are apprenticeship. The big art is our life.” Dick Richards

and the positive qualities you saw in the character you most identify with and like. Take some slow, deep breaths and listen inwardly. Describe how these attributes or capacities remind you of yourself. Write down situations you remember when perhaps you were especially in touch with these qualities or skills. Do this for every quality you mentioned. Take the most important points of your exploration and write them into Quadrant I of your Self Matrix below.

Your Self Matrix: Qualities or capacities you

like in yourself

dislike in yourself

are aware of

I

II

are not always fully aware of

III

IV

Step 2: Acknowledging Perceived and Real Shortcomings In Step 2 we will be exploring how our projections on movie characters can help us learn more about, and therefore cope better with, the shortcomings of which we are aware. Confronting these deficiencies may feel uncomfortable at first, but such a confrontation is inevitable on our path toward healing and wholeness. I am using the expression “perceived shortcoming” for imperfections we see in ourselves because of an overly critical perspective we may have of ourselves. Such a view can result from many causes, perhaps from unreasonably high standards or because somebody has criticized us for a certain behavior or

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attitude in the past. A compassionate and benevolent friend would not respond critically to us about our perceived shortcomings. Real shortcomings, on the other hand, refer to deficiencies we, and most of the people we trust, see in us. Quadrant II of the Self Matrix contains the results of this inquiry. Evelyn and Eric’s Quadrant II looked something like this.

Evelyn’s Quadrant II Qualities or capacities you are aware of

dislike in yourself II dreamy, not in touch with reality

Eric’s Quadrant II Qualities or capacities you are aware of

dislike in yourself II struggles to accept that daughter is growing up

Evelyn identified with the naïveté that she saw in Claire concerning the baby. Even though she didn’t consider it totally impossible that Claire could have kept the child, Evelyn recognized in herself her own dreamy ways of relating to the world. She believed that she should be more “down to earth.” When she shared this analysis with the group, several other group members responded with surprise. They didn’t see Evelyn as not in touch with reality. They saw her as idealistic but in a positive way and even admired her for it. When she heard this, Evelyn remembered that honest friends had given her equally positive feedback in the past. She tended to forget those kinds of responses.

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Evelyn also remembered that she had been much dreamier as a child and received much criticism from her mother. In the meantime, she had become significantly more balanced. Suddenly it all made sense to her. Evelyn had held on to a negative view of herself that no longer applied to her. This is an example of a perceived shortcoming, as opposed to a real shortcoming. Her response to the character Claire and the following process made her aware that she needed to work on this negative perspective of herself, her inner critic. Eric identified and was critical of the character Claire for a different reason. He understood that it was important for the healthy development of his teenage daughter that he support this young woman in her need for independence. Eric struggled within himself. He did not want to let go of his “little girl.” Sometimes he was unnecessarily rigid with curfews and other rules around the house. Even though he felt that this was coming from his love for his daughter, he also acknowledged that he was struggling with a real shortcoming. After discussing this with the group, Eric understood that his love made him so overly attached that it stifled his daughter. His response to Claire and the succeeding group process made him aware that he needed to work on this. Exercise 2: Acknowledging Your Perceived and Real Shortcomings Again, revisit your own Film Matrix. This time look at Quadrant II and the negative qualities you saw in a character with whom you identified. Take some slow deep breaths and listen inwardly. Describe how these attributes remind you of yourself. Write down situations you remember when you experienced these shortcomings. Do this for every shortcoming you mentioned. Once more, go back over what you wrote. Which of the problem areas you just described seem to be

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the result of an overly critical view of yourself? If you are not sure, remember honest feedback from well-meaning friends. You might also seek a reality check from others right now. Be sure you ask several people who have your best interest in mind and whom you trust to be honest with you. This will help you to distinguish between perceived and real shortcomings. Take the most important points of your exploration and write them into Quadrant II of your Self Matrix on page 138.

Step 3: Recognizing Projected Positive Qualities Quadrant III of the Self Matrix shows the qualities we admire in film characters and do not recognize easily in ourselves. When we are not fully aware of our own capacities and strengths, we might project these positive qualities onto others. Exploring our positive projection on film characters can help us discover and further develop these characteristics in ourselves. This does not mean that we always possess all the positive attributes that we see in others. But our ability to recognize them in others can be an indication that we might at least carry a trace of these qualities, or the potential to develop these traits, in ourselves. Admiring them in others could indicate that we have the energy and motivation to tap into this potential that we have not yet fully developed. Sometimes this becomes obvious in romantic relationships. We feel attracted and fall in love with the type of person who has the qualities that we believe we lack. But our partner cannot make us complete. In order to become whole beings we need to look inside, find and eventually develop these admired qualities. I believe that, in general, learning to understand our psychological projections on movie characters serves better for

“Existence will remain meaningless for you if you yourself do not penetrate into it with active love, and if you do not in this way discover its meaning for yourself. Everything is waiting to be hallowed by you.” Martin Buber

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this exploration than our projections on “real people” because unrelated aspects of our relationships with them can distort the picture. Evelyn and Eric saw several strengths in Simon, which at first they could not recognize in themselves. They admired him as street smart, courageous, and very generous. I encouraged them during a group meeting to remember a time — even if it were long ago or under unusual circumstances — when they were in touch with at least part of these qualities. Evelyn was surprised to find that, many years ago, she had been quite courageous when she confronted her older brother because he had lied to her. He was so much bigger than she. She was afraid of him but confronted him anyway because it seemed the right thing to do. Eric recalled that he had recently asked his boss for a promotion, which seemed scary and required courage. Both Eric and Evelyn at first could not recognize much generosity in their own characters. But other group members reminded them that each had told about gifts they had given to friends that the group had considered generous. Evelyn and Eric were a little surprised to hear this but saw that it was true. Both felt that they wanted to become even more courageous and generous. They also thought about the street smarts they had seen in Simon. They did not believe that they had even a trace of this quality in themselves, and neither thought he or she would be able to develop it more as adults. Evelyn’s and Eric’s Quadrant III looked something like this:

Evelyn and Eric’s Quadrant III Qualities or capacities you

like in yourself

are not fully always aware of

III courage, generosity

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Exercise 3: Recognizing Projected Positive Qualities Again, visit your Film Matrix. This time look at Quadrant III. Since it can be difficult to recognize a quality or capacity you saw in a movie character but you are not fully conscious of in yourself, you may need to use a couple of “tricks.” 1. Remember a time in your life when you experienced “the exception to the rule.” At that time you actually experienced in yourself the same positive quality or skill that you admire in the film character. 2. Ask supportive friends whether they see at least traces of these characteristics in you. You might be surprised about what you find out. 3. Ignore the qualities or capacities that you see in the movie character, which seem absolutely foreign to your own. Take some slow deep breaths and listen inwardly. Describe how the movie character’s attributes or skills remind you of yourself, even if you just experienced them only in exceptional situations. Note the situations you remember in which you were in touch with these qualities to some degree. Do this for every quality and capacity you mentioned. Did you discover that the attributes or skills you admired are absolutely different from yours? Can you accept this? If it is hard to accept, what might help you learn to accept yourself as the person you are? Take the most important points of your exploration and write them into Quadrant III of your Self Matrix on page 138 at the beginning of this chapter.

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Step 4: Recognizing Projected Shortcomings

“When an inner situation is not made conscious, it appears outside as fate.” Carl Gustav Jung

Please note that in this following section, I use the word “projection” in the narrow sense as explained in Chapter 8: projection of not fully conscious and undesirable qualities. If we strongly dislike certain behaviors or traits of movie characters that we do not recognize in ourselves, different conclusions are possible. Maybe we were hurt, angry, or sad when we encountered similar behaviors or personality traits in family members, friends, or colleagues. Or perhaps people we cared about were negatively affected in this way. In these cases we might not have projected our disowned self on the movie character, but we are feeling old emotional wounds. Healing of these wounds needs to happen, because our response to the film character showed that we are still hurting from our past experience. Quadrant IV of the Self Matrix includes shortcomings that we project onto movie characters with which we do not identify and to which we are at least partially blind. Since we dislike these traits in the film characters but do not recognize them easily in ourselves, this kind of self-exploration might be a little tricky at first. To make it easier, I will first explain how the shadow self or the dark side develops in us. Later, I will also explain the process and the consequences of projecting our not fully conscious, undesired parts on others. In discussing this shadow self, the poet Robert Bly in his A Little Book on the Human Shadow develops the metaphor of a “long bag” that we drag behind us throughout our lives into which we put our disowned and repressed parts.1 Bly says that as children, we are born with 100 percent of our energy, vitality, joy and creativity. We are in touch with our native instinct and wisdom. He visualizes it as a “360-degree personality,” a round globe of energy. But quickly, this whole and complete child-self learns that its parents do not accept or love all of its many parts. Growing up we receive messages like: “Do not daydream — “idle hands

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are the devil’s workshop!” and “Good girls do not roughhouse with boys.” In order to win or keep our parents’ love, we try to rid ourselves of these unwanted instincts and energies. But those “discarded” parts of us never completely cease to exist. Instead, we hide them in our long bag of unconscious material, which we then drag along behind us throughout our lives. Those disowned parts become our shadow self. At each successive new stage in life, we learn to put more and more parts of ourselves into this bag. In kindergarten teachers tell us: “Stop crying,” “Be tough,” and “It’s not nice to get angry.” So into our bags go our uncried tears and anger. Later, perhaps in high school, we learn from our friends that certain things, like perhaps helping the weak or disabled, are simply “not cool” and so our compassion may go in the bag as well. Soon our shadow bag grows larger and larger. Of course not all of us receive the same messages as we grow. Those particular parts of ourselves that get stuffed into our shadow bags vary depending on the culture in which we were raised. For example, Christian cultures tend to repress sexuality and spontaneity. By the time we’re in our twenties, much of our original wholeness has been stuffed into this bag. The complete and whole being we once were as a child with all its varied and sometimes mysterious facets has now shrunk to a mere sliver of itself. And life has myriad ways of letting us know how shrunken we’ve become. Consequently, we often find ourselves wondering, “What’s wrong with me?” Having spent the first quarter of our life stuffing much of ourselves into a bag, we often spend the majority of the rest of our lives searching for those “lost” parts. And many people never learn where those parts went or how to retrieve them. Not surprisingly, having parts of our personality that we know little or nothing about can cause us all kinds of trouble — until we become reacquainted with them. As with many aspects of psychological wisdom, the existence of this shadow self has been known for a long time. But

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“The cure of the shadow is on one hand a moral problem. That is, recognition of what we have suppressed. . . On the other hand the cure of the shadow is a problem of love.” James Hilman

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prior to the development of psychology, the only way to talk about such things was through the use of metaphors. Hence, our myths and stories are full of thinly veiled references to this shadow self. Perhaps the clearest example of this is Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. The Jekyll and Hyde story uses the split-persona of the good doctor to illustrate how the contents of the shadow bag refuse to stay hidden. The highly refined and cultured doctor is a very moral man. He puts aside his own human needs to pursue medical knowledge for the good of others. Yet all the while, somewhere else in the city, his “other self” pursues its instincts without regard for the niceties of cultured society or the needs of other people. The lesson here is clear: The contents of our shadow bags may appear to be locked away from sight, but if those disowned parts are not dealt with, one day they will reappear “somewhere else” as a “monster.” A more traditional folktale makes the same observation: A man became so frightened of his own shadow that he tried to run away from it. He tells himself, “If only I could escape from this thing that constantly follows me, then I could finally be happy and at peace.” But no matter how fast he runs, his shadow is always right there, one step behind him. He grows increasingly distressed, runs faster and faster, until finally he drops dead from exhaustion. The irony of the story is that if he had only stopped a moment to rest in the shade of a tree, his shadow would have vanished immediately. The more deeply we feel unloved, unwanted, and unacceptable the harder we try to escape those feelings. But by running away from those perceptions of ourselves we strengthen our belief in them; we strengthen our fears. And like the poor traveler stuck in quicksand, the harder we try to escape, the worse our predicament becomes. Only by accepting the exiled or buried parts of our psyche can we end their haunting pursuit of us. When we stop rejecting a part of our being, we cease confirming to ourselves our sense of worthlessness.

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Many movies reflect this theme of the shadow self. Watching one of them might help clarify your thoughts as you prepare to bring yours into the light of consciousness. I suggest Mary Reilly (1996), a modern take on the Jekyll and Hyde story. If you have experienced trauma through violence, this might not be an appropriate film. Movie Preview: Mary Reilly (1996) Jekyll, the good doctor, has never married. But he is attracted to the comely Mary, his live-in maid. One evening, he spies several scars on Mary’s arms and neck. He wants to examine her, but she declines, saying there is nothing to worry about. Her real reason, however, is that she does not want him to discover the shameful truth: they are teeth scars caused by a rat. As a child her father abused her, locking her into a dark closet with a rat so he could listen to her screams. One morning as she is changing the doctor’s sheets, she finds them stained with blood. Sneaking down to the laundry to secretly expunge the stains, she experiences a vision of a creature that is covered in blood and yet is clearly alive. As she emerges from her trance, she realizes how safe she feels in the doctor’s house. Nevertheless, she begins having regular nightmares about her childhood. Jekyll warns the staff that he has hired a new assistant, Edward Hyde, who will be coming and going at odd hours. No one is to be alarmed. Mary and the doctor gradually grow closer, and finally, much to his joy, she confides to him stories of her abusive childhood. Jekyll is finally allowed to examine her scars, and after doing so he says nothing. The doctor then has Mary deliver a sealed note to the madam of the local bordello. The madam reads the note then tells her the answer is “yes.” As Mary is returning with the mysterious answer, she spies Hyde limping

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down the laboratory stairs. That night she has nightmares of her father beating her on a street corner. Curious about the assistant, she sneaks down to the lab while Jekyll is out and almost gets caught. Later, sent with another message to the bordello, the madam takes Mary up to Hyde’s room where she finds a pool of blood and a dead rat. That night, during Mary’s recurring nightmare of rats and beatings, Hyde invites her to town with him. In her dream, she instead flees to Jekyll’s lab hoping to find him but he’s not there. Instead, she suddenly finds herself in bed with Hyde who tries to rape her. She escorts Hyde to a slaughterhouse where he proceeds to “operate” doctor-style on hanging sides of bloody beef. The next day, Mary sees the doctor and the madam arguing, and then spies Hyde in the lab holding the madam’s severed head. Later, Mary returns to the lab only to be confronted by Hyde who smears her face with his own blood. By now she has figured out that Mr. Hyde is actually Dr. Jekyll, whom she loves — so she is not afraid. Her lack of fear transforms Hyde into a two-headed Jekyll and Hyde. The Hyde-head poisons itself so that only Jekyll remains. Through its complicated symbolism, this film illustrates how those parts of ourselves that lie trapped in our shadow bag do not simply sit there. Over time they can regress toward very undesirable feelings and possibly actions. If it takes us many years to finally discover and open our shadow bags, we are likely to find that the emotions we hid there have sadly become quite hard to deal with. Sometimes, they will also be hostile to being dragged out into the light. Every part of ourselves that we do not love will become hostile to us. Meanwhile, there is the danger that we may be projecting these hidden emotions onto others. Borrowing another of Bly’s metaphors, imagine that these rejected parts of ourselves have

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been miniaturized, flattened, rolled up tight and shut in the darkness inside a steel can, much the same way movies are stored.2 At night, when darkness rules the world, often in dreams, these stored parts of ourselves suddenly appear before us, huge and bright, as if splashed upon a screen. They are powerful; they captivate our attention; we cannot look away. In the “daylight” of rational examination, these same figures appear as pale, tiny things on thin connecting strips. But as soon as we sink into “the dark” of our unconscious and something “ignites a particular light in the rear of our head,” our psyches become natural projection machines, and these same figures loom before us wherever we look, even on the faces of those closest to us. “A man’s anger, rolled up inside the can for twenty years, he may see one night on his wife’s face. A wife might see a hero every night on her husband’s face and then one night sees a tyrant. Nora in A Doll’s House saw the two images in turn.”3 Of the numerous movies Henrik Ibsen’s play A Doll’s House inspired, perhaps the best is the 1973 version. Watching it may help you to better understand the dynamics of projection as you prepare to bring elements of your shadow bag into the light of consciousness. Movie Preview: A Doll’s House (1973) Nora’s life is as close to perfect as she could possibly want. Her home, her clothes, her social life, and her marriage to Torvald, her banker husband. Everything seems perfect. But suddenly, a loan she took out secretly years ago in order to save Torvald’s life returns to haunt her. When finally she realizes there is no way to prevent Torvald from finding out about it, she is confident his love for her will cause him to stand by her despite his implacable moral principles which her borrowing violates. But with his harsh reaction to the news, Nora learns that her supposed “perfect” marriage was an empty charade. Previously, she had simply seen

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what she wanted to see rather than what really was. Following the revelation of Torvald’s true feelings, she switches and projects her disowned “dark side” onto her husband. In addition to the danger of projecting our disowned parts onto others, those parts represent vital energy that is unavailable to us as long as it is locked up inside our shadow bags. The larger our bag, the less energy we have for living our lives. When a woman puts her masculinity into her bag, she loses energy. When a child stuffs his exuberance into the bag, his decreased vitality is obvious. If we “bag” our creativity, we pay for it by having less power to solve problems or add meaning to our life. It is critically important to our psychological and spiritual well-being that we reclaim this “discarded” portion of our soul. Fortunately, though in most cases these facets of our personality are “hidden,” they are not truly lost. We have numerous clues with which to track them down. The Self Matrix is designed to help us find those clues. Quadrant IV shows the qualities we dislike in film characters with whom we do not identify. Such traits are difficult to recognize in us. Evelyn disliked the character Davis in Grand Canyon (1991) very much because she saw him as selfish, rude, heartless, ruthless, and abusing his power. Her strong negative reaction made me wonder whether the Davis character might be forcing her to confront disowned parts of herself. I asked Evelyn how aggression was handled in her family when she was a child. She remembered that no one ever yelled. Most of the time everyone was nice to everyone else. When Evelyn tried to express disagreement, her mom told her, “Do not say anything if you cannot say something nice.” After some probing Evelyn told us that usually, when her husband starts a fight, she does not express anger or frustration. Evelyn hates conflict and believes that she would lose an argument anyway. Once in a while, however, when her husband goes too far, much to her surprise, intense anger suddenly

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breaks out of her. Her husband usually is shocked by her outburst and suddenly starts listening to her. Evelyn also told us that she has very good relationships with her colleagues and her boss at work. She is not completely happy at work though, because several times she has been passed by for promotion. This puzzles her because she always completes her tasks diligently. Pushier colleagues, who have also taken more initiative in certain projects, have been promoted instead of her. At first it was hard for Evelyn to allow for the possibility that some of the characteristics she saw in Davis could be part of her disowned and repressed shadow self. But reflecting on her family history helped her to open to the possibility. Evelyn also remembered that she sometimes has a secret desire to demonstrate stronger boundaries with people who take advantage of her at work. This desire makes her feel selfish — she dislikes it strongly. Evelyn had been aware of her fear of conflict all along. Now she started to consider that she might have repressed her anger and aggression as well as her selfishness. She also surmised that her assertiveness, strength, and creativity might have also ended up in her shadow bag. Eric disliked Dee strongly because she seemed needy and immoral. He was appalled when he saw Dee approaching Mack romantically while knowing that Mack had a wife and children. Listening to Evelyn’s discoveries about herself, Eric already had some ideas about his possible disowned parts. In his family, independence was encouraged because both parents were often gone for work. He was very proud of the fact that, since childhood, he was never needy. Eric does not see much wrong with this, except that previous girlfriends as well as his wife sometimes have said he was aloof. In return, he sometimes found them too needy and did not always understand what they wanted from him emotionally. Reflecting on this, Eric wondered now whether he might be afraid of emotional intimacy. He expressed hope that by gaining a deeper awareness of how he put neediness into his

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“Then may come the joyful acceptance of the rejected and inferior, a going with it and even a partial living of it.” James Hillman

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“The most unconscious thing we do all day long is what actually creates and molds every moment of every day of our lives.” Lynn Grabhorn

shadow bag, he might open a door to more emotional closeness in his relationships. It made sense to him that being emotionally vulnerable and available is different from being needy. If he could become more aware of how he repressed neediness, he might be able to let go a bit, open up emotionally in his relationships and experience true intimacy. Eric also looked at his strong reaction to the scenes where Dee approached Mack romantically. Even after a long period of soul-searching, he did not think that this had to do with repressed and undesirable parts in him. He thought his emotional response to these scenes had more to do with his first girlfriend who left him for another man after having conducted an affair in secret. He still felt angry and hurt by it. Eric’s emotional wound from the betrayal was touched when he saw Dee flirting with Mack. Evelyn’s and Eric’s Quadrant IV looked something like this:

Evelyn’s Quadrant IV: Qualities or capacities you

dislike in yourself

are not always fully aware

IV aggression, and selfishness

Eric’s Quadrant IV: Qualities or capacities you

dislike in yourself

are not always fully aware

IV neediness

Exercise 4: Recognizing Projected Shortcomings Now, revisit your Film Matrix. This time look at Quadrant IV.

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Since it can be difficult to recognize the film character’s deficiency in yourself, you again might want to use a couple of tricks. 1. Remember a time in your life when a well-meaning person told you that he noticed the same negative attitude or trait as that displayed by the movie character. 2. Perhaps you briefly regretted having behaved like that movie character but did not think about it afterwards. Reconsider this initial thought again. 3. Ignore shortcomings in this movie character that seem absolutely foreign to your own. Take some slow deep breaths and listen inwardly. Describe how the movie character’s deficiencies remind you of yourself, even if you have experienced such shortcomings only in exceptional situations. Note the moments you remember when you were most in touch with these normally unconscious parts. Do this for every shortcoming in the film character that you identified. Did you dislike a film character that seemed absolutely different from you and with whom you believe you shared no common traits? Are you certain you are not projecting previously disowned shortcomings on them? What do you believe is the reason for your emotional response? Have you, or somebody you care about, been emotionally hurt or disappointed by someone of whom this character reminds you? Contemplate how you could find emotional healing. Take the most important points of your exploration about your projected shortcomings and write them into Quadrant IV of your Self Matrix on page 138.

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10 Powerful Tools for Healing and Growth — The Growth Matrix With help of the Self Matrix you were able to identify aspects in yourself of which the movie characters reminded you. Now we are exploring how you can make use of this new understanding for healing and growth. The Growth Matrix provides a structure for this process.

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Your Growth Matrix: How can you enhance and strengthen your positive qualities and capacities?

How can you learn to have compassion with your real or perceived shortcomings and grow beyond them?

Qualities you are fully aware of

I

II

Qualities you are not always fully aware of

III

IV

Fill out this matrix as you work through the exercises later in this chapter. Bear in mind that you are not necessarily expected to do all the exercises. The only exercises I consider essential are: Access Your Inner Wisdom; List the Evidence; Review and Edit the Evidence. I strongly urge you not to skip them. Since we all have different personalities and personal histories, we have different needs and preferences. Therefore, this chapter introduces you to and reminds you of a variety of tools for healing and growth. The exercises help you to strengthen the positive qualities that you noted in the Self Matrix, and to work constructively with the shortcomings you explored. The Growth Matrix is designed to help you as a “tool box” whenever you want to work on the parts of yourself that you discovered through your identification or projection on movie characters. You might feel drawn to certain exercises more than to others. When you believe that a suggestion might be useful, write

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it into the respective quadrant. The more exercises you choose the better. Of course you are not limited to the tools that are suggested in this book. Though you might have discovered different aspects of yourself in all four quadrants of your Self Matrix, the suggested tools for Quadrants I and III in the Growth Matrix are very similar in that they help you enhance positive qualities and capacities. The exercises for Quadrant II and IV are similar as well since they help you work with shortcomings.

Exercises for Quadrant I

“It’s kind of fun to do the impossible.” Walt Disney

Quadrant I was the most fun part of the Growth Matrix for Evelyn and Eric. They learned new ways to enhance their positive qualities, of which both were already aware: being friendly, openhearted, and often grateful. When you start with these exercises, you might feel as if you are praising yourself, a feeling that is uncomfortable for some. Remember this is simply a technique to help you enhance and strengthen your inner capacities by giving positive messages to your subconscious mind. Review Quadrant II of your Self Matrix. These are your qualities that, when you discovered them through identification with a film character you liked. You might feel drawn to certain exercises more than to others. When you believe a suggestion might be useful, write it into Quadrant I in the form at the beginning of this chapter. The more exercises you choose the better. Exercise 1: List of Positive Effects on Others As you look at your list in Quadrant I in your Self Matrix, contemplate how people in your life benefit from these positive qualities. Write down the name of every one you can think of for each quality and note next to it how they probably are affected or

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influenced. If you are not sure about these effects, use your intuition.

Quality

People who are affected

How they are affected

After you finish this list, notice how you feel about yourself. Exercise 2: Guided Meditation Shakti Gawain’s guided visualization in Creative Visualization is designed to enhance self-appreciation and can be very powerful.1 I recommend speaking the text of the meditation on a tape and listening to it later. “Imagine yourself in some everyday situation, and picture someone . . . you know looking at you with great love and admiration and telling you one of your positive qualities or capacities they really like about you. Now picture a few more people coming up and agreeing that you are a very wonderful person. (If this embarrasses you, stick with it. Remember that it is in your imagination.) Imagine more and more people arriving and gazing at you with tremendous love and respect in their eyes. Picture yourself in a parade or on a stage, with throngs of cheering, applauding people, all loving and appreciating you. Hear their applause ringing in your ears. Stand up and take a bow, and thank them for their support and appreciation.”

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Exercise 3: Self-Appreciation At night, after you lie down in bed, before you fall asleep, let your mind wander, thinking about the day. Do you remember moments in which you experienced one of your positive qualities? If you do not remember anything for that day, think back as far as necessary to come up with a memory regarding this positive part of yourself. Let your memory carry you fully back into the “scene” of your experience. Remember your surroundings and what you did when you experienced the positive quality. Maybe you remember what you felt emotionally and what you sensed in your body. If it is hard to remember details, you can make these up as you stay in touch with your overall impression of the scene. Now, put your attention into your heart or chest and allow yourself to feel appreciation for yourself. Notice your joy and maybe a sense of fullness or expansion. “Yes but . . .” thoughts may arise. You cannot control their appearance but you can choose not to keep focusing on them. You could tell your critical mind, your Inner critic: “Thanks for sharing” and come back to your sense of appreciation. Bring your attention back to your gratitude. If you enjoy this, move to another quality and follow the same process. When you feel really good, let yourself fall asleep. Exercise 4: Mutual Appreciation The previous exercise can be done in the form of a dialogue with a partner, friend, or family member. Suggest to them that, in the evening, the two of you tell each other what each one appreciated about the other person during the day. You can ask the other

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person to specifically focus on the qualities you mentioned in Quadrant I of your Self Matrix. Exercise 5: Letter Writing Write a letter to yourself then seal it in an envelope with your address and a stamp on it. Now, give it to a person you trust and instruct them to mail it at a time that you determine. In this letter express how you appreciate yourself for your positive qualities and capacities. Imagine yourself in the future at the time when the letter will be mailed to you. Describe how these qualities will have grown and expanded by this time. Exercise 6: Writing Affirmations On separate sheets of paper or cards write your positive qualities and capacities as you fill in the blanks of the following sentences: 1. I appreciate and enjoy (fill in the blank with a positive quality or capacity). 2. (Fill in the blank with a positive quality or capacity) makes me feel content and happy. Place these notes at prominent places in your home so that you see them frequently throughout the day. Exercise 7: Drawing, Painting, or Sculpting If you enjoy drawing, painting, or sculpting, express how you see yourself through these media emphasizing the qualities you like about yourself. Do not worry about perfect artistic style. Just express what is inside of you about these qualities as best you can. Your art can be completely abstract.

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Place the picture or sculpture at a prominent place in your house so that you see it frequently throughout the day.

Exercises for Quadrant II “Mankind is waking up to its own divinity, a process that is both stupendously thrilling and horrifically painful, for the wake-up process demands uncompromising change.”

In Quadrant II of the Growth Matrix you are noting exercises that help you learn to have compassion with your real and perceived shortcomings and grow beyond them. Review Quadrant II of your Self Matrix. These are your qualities that, when you discovered them through identification with a film character, you did not like.

Lynn Grabhorn

Exercise 1: Forgiveness Part I and II of the following exercise is a meditation based on traditional Buddhist practice. Tara Bach in Radical Acceptance describes it beautifully.2 If you cannot forgive yourself for a mistake or shortcoming that has affected others negatively, practice all three parts. If it did not impact another person, focus only on Part II. I recommend speaking the text of the meditation on a tape and listening to it later. Part I — Meditating on Asking for Forgiveness Sitting comfortably, close your eyes and allow yourself to become present and still. Rest your attention on the breath for a few moments, relaxing as you inhale and relaxing as you exhale. Bring to mind a situation in which your shortcomings have caused harm to another person. Take some moments to remember the circumstances that highlight how you have caused harm to another, and sense the feelings of hurt or disappointment that person might have felt. Did you act out of hurt and insecurity, out of the need to feel power or safety?

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Now, holding this person in your awareness, begin asking for forgiveness. Mentally whisper his or her name and say, “I understand the hurt you have felt and I ask you for forgiveness now. Please forgive me.” With a sincere heart, repeat several times your request for forgiveness. Then take some moments of silence and let yourself open to the possibility of being forgiven. Part II — Forgiving Yourself Bring to mind the shortcoming that feels unforgivable. Sense what feels so bad about your unforgivable behavior, emotion, or way of thinking. How does it make you feel about yourself? How does it prevent you from being happy? Allow yourself to feel the pain that makes you want to push away the undesired part of yourself. Now explore more deeply what is driving this unacceptable part of your being. What need are you trying to satisfy? What fear are you trying to soothe? As you become aware of underlying wants and fears, allow yourself to feel them directly in your body, heart, and mind. Begin to offer a sincere message of forgiveness to whatever feelings, thoughts, or behaviors you are rejecting. You might mentally whisper the words: “I see how I’ve caused myself suffering and I forgive myself now.” Or you might simply offer yourself the words “Forgiven, forgiven.” Meet whatever arises — fear or judgment, shame or grief — with the message of forgiveness. Allow the hurt to untangle in the openness of a forgiving heart. Part III — Asking for Forgiveness If you have hurt another person and if it is possible and appropriate, ask this person for forgiveness now.

“For in the dew of little things the heart finds its meaning and is refreshed.” Kalhil Gibran

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“For something to change, it first has to be accepted.” Carl Gustav Jung

It might be difficult but most likely very rewarding. The meditation will have prepared you for making amends. First you may feel as if you are simply “going through the motions” and believe that you are not actually capable of forgiving yourself. You might believe you don’t deserve to be forgiven. You might be afraid that if you forgave yourself, you would just do the same thing again. If these doubts and fears arise, acknowledge and accept them with compassion. Then say to yourself, “It is my intention to forgive myself when I am able.” Your intention to forgive is the seed of forgiveness. This willingness will gradually open your heart.

Exercise 2: Releasing Your Inner Critic We sometimes judge ourselves harshly instead of adjusting our high standards or forgiving ourselves for a mistake and subsequently learning from it. In this process, we activate the inner critic. This part of our psyche attacks us for behaviors, thoughts, and feelings of which we do not approve. Everyone experiences his or her inner critic in different ways. Your inner critic may sound like a real, possibly obsessive, voice in your head. Or you might experience its attacks as a dull or aching feeling in your stomach, increased tiredness, numbness, tension, guilt, shame, hopelessness, fear, or a loss of energy. Byron Brown in Soul without Shame describes the following powerful ways to become fully aware and consequently release the “Inner Judge.”3 In order to become fully conscious of your inner critic, try an experiment. Think back while remembering what you wrote in Quadrant II of your Self Matrix.

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Do you remember a situation recently when you felt harshly critical about yourself regarding one of the issues that you have noted there?
How did it make you feel?
Notice how you responded to this attack of your inner critic. Did you try to make yourself feel better by justifying or distracting yourself?
What image do you have of yourself as a result
How does this image of yourself limit who you are and who you could be?
What standards did your inner critic measure you against?
Do you agree with these standards now? Notice your feelings and write down some of your thoughts in response to these questions. Close your eyes now, and in your mind’s eye allow an image to arise that fits the feeling you have when your inner critic gets activated and attacks you. Choose any image that comes to mind, like a wicked witch, a grim monster, a demon, or a dangerous bird on your shoulder. Now choose from the following different ways of releasing the inner critic by responding to its image when you notice an attack. Try out several responses until you find the most appropriate one for the nature of the attack and for your personality. Once you find one or two that work for you, it is best to stick with those unless they stop being effective. If that happens, try some of the others again. It is best to speak these responses out loud. If this is not possible, just think the words. Assertion: Shut up! or Stop! or Let go! or Leave me alone! or just No! Reclaiming assertive strength is vital, especially if you experience the attacks of your

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inner critic as aggressive acts. You may make a matching hand gesture. Indignation: How dare you speak to me that way! It’s all right to let yourself feel indignation and outrage at the inner critic’s lack of respect for your dignity or anyone else’s. Truth: That hurts me! or It scares me when you talk that way! Stop it! Simply speaking your own truth in the moment can break your engagement with your inner critic. The point here is that your awareness becomes focused on your feelings in response to the attack rather than on its content. Humor: I only let bullies say that to me. This approach is to refuse to accept the seriousness of the judgments. The power of humor lies in its ability to break through the mental nature of your inner critic. It cannot maintain its established destructive pattern when aliveness is activated through the experience of spontaneous laughter. Agreement: You’re right and I want to learn from my mistake. You defuse the attack by acknowledging the content without accepting the negative valuation. Acceptance of your inner critic’s observations without taking on any blame may help you “mine the gold” in its message and transform your shortcomings. Exaggeration: Yes, I’m the worst (use an adjective appropriate to the attack) person in the whole country. Exaggeration is a more energetic, but similar form of agreement and humor, claiming the negative quality as something you are strange

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enough to enjoy. The exaggeration ends up giving you energy that you need because the attacks get most of their power from causing you to reject and deplete yourself. Exposing the Inner Critic: Who cares what you think? or Who are you to judge me? This is basically calling a spade a spade and not accepting the authority of the judge or its right to make any kind of pronouncement against you. Surrender: Now you’ve made me feel guilty. This response is an acknowledgment that your inner critic has made you feel exactly what it wanted to. You are surrendering any effort to change. At the same time you are describing the activity of the inner critic rather than believing that it means there is something wrong with you. Disinterest: Thanks for the advice. I’ll have to think about it. Here, as in the response agreement, you do not fight the content. Instead, you consciously stay neutral and actively end the interaction. Changing the Subject: Have you ever seen such a wonderful landscape? With this response, you are not engaging with your inner critic but actively placing your attention elsewhere. By shifting your attention away from the attack, this defense refuses to allow your awareness to be controlled. Compassion: If I’m really acting in that bad way, it must be painful for you. This is focusing on empathizing with the perspective of your inner critic in order to stop the attack. To act from compassion can bring healing to the inner battleground.

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Breathe and Sense: Breathe but do not support the attack. Practice sensing your arms, legs, and belly to keep yourself grounded as you experience the attack. Active Visualization: Picture in your mind taking some action that halts the attack. For this to work, you must let yourself feel the attack as an imaginary action such as an explosion, destruction, or gun blast. The object is to reclaim your sense of power and control over your process. Anything goes, but don’t let the inner critic make you feel guilty for seemingly violent behavior. You are only destroying images! The goal is not to get caught up in revenge but to free your own energy and feel the freedom.

Exercise 3: Revisiting Exercises in Chapter 6 In Chapter 6: Building Self-Esteem you were introduced to exercises that helped you build self-esteem. Since the Inner critic is a major factor for low self-esteem, they are very useful here too. You can choose any one or all of the six exercises in Chapter 6 as you keep the specific shortcomings in mind with which you are working. It might be especially helpful to watch one of the mentioned movies in the suggested way.

Exercise 4: Distinguishing between Real and Perceived Shortcomings After you feel freer from your heavy burdens of guilt and inner judgment, it might become easier for you to distinguish between real and perceived shortcomings. A real shortcoming might be that you cannot sing well. Only extensive voice training

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could help you overcome this “deficiency.” Maybe even these efforts would not make you sing especially well. A perceived shortcoming could be your belief that you do not deserve to be loved. You might have developed this belief early in your life because you were rarely treated with loving attention. An honest compassionate friend would tell you, though, that you deserve to be loved. If you are not sure whether your shortcomings are real or perceived, take the Honest-CompassionateFriend-Test. In your imagination ask an honest and compassionate fantasy friend who knows everything about you whether a specific shortcoming is real or if you just perceive it as such. This way you access your deep inner knowing about the distinction you are trying to make. You might also ask a real friend who knows you intimately. If you ask a real person, be aware that nobody understands you as well as you do when you are really in touch with your deep inner wisdom. Besides, a friend might have his or her own, possibly unconscious though well-meaning, agenda that might interfere with an honest response. Now list your real and perceived shortcomings separately. Perceived shortcomings:

Real shortcomings:

Exercise 5: Releasing Negative Beliefs Perceived shortcomings are based on negative beliefs about yourself like I do not deserve to be

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loved. Use the exercises in Chapter 4 in combination with the Negative Belief Index in Chapter 5 to release your negative beliefs. Once these beliefs are released, your perceived shortcomings will disappear. They only existed as a belief in your mind in the first place. “Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose.” Elisabeth Keubler-Ross

Through her identification with the film character Claire in Grand Canyon and with the help of the group process, Eveyln learned that she perceives herself as too dreamy but that in fact this was not really true about her. Evelyn felt very self-critical when she thought of herself this way. After she practiced some of these exercises, she was finally able to let go of this distorted perspective of herself.

Exercise 6: Overcoming Real Shortcomings Through watching the film characters and learning about yourself you might have discovered real shortcomings that you want to overcome. If you do not like certain behaviors or negative qualities that impact your relationships or your goals in life, it might be worthwhile to make some changes. For example, you might burst out in anger easily. This could ruin your relationships and lead to negative evaluations at work. The following suggestions have helped many of my clients. a) Practicing exercises 1, 2, or 3 on pages 156– 158: If you judge yourself harshly for your shortcomings and you have not yet done these exercises, practice one of them now. This suggestion may sound counterintuitive if you believe that you need a critical inner voice to motivate you to take action. But harsh inner criticism of you as a person most likely does the opposite. It demoralizes you. When you release self-hatred, you free up emotional

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energy that can be used to transform your shortcomings. b) Finding help: If you have not yet contemplated how to overcome your shortcomings, do so now. For example, you might find a voice teacher if you want to improve your singing, join an anger management group to work with your rage, or buy a book that gives you guidance on how to improve your marriage. c) Accessing your inner determination: In this next step you learn to access the determination inside yourself that helps you to work on overcoming your undesirable qualities. First remember a time in your life when you pursued a goal with strong determination. Let yourself relive internally how it felt. Then watch a movie, using conscious awareness, in which a character was able to accomplish something that was important to him after facing major obstacles. The focus of this movie does not need to be about overcoming shortcomings specifically. Pay attention to the determination, strength, and courage the character displays and what you feel as you imagine that you are exactly like him. Preferably you should choose a film that is familiar to you, in which a character impressed you with these qualities. If no movie comes to mind, choose from the following list: The Accused (1988), A.I. (2001), Babette’s Feast (1987), Billy Elliot (2000), Dances with Wolves (1990), Gattaca (1997), Gone with the Wind (1939), Frida (2002), I am Sam (2001), Il Postino (The Postman) (1994), The Insider (1999), The King and I (1956 and 1999), L.A. Confidential (1997), Like Water for Chocolate (1992), Local Hero (1983), My Left Foot (1989), My Big Fat Greek Wedding

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(2002), The Patriot (2000), Places of the Heart (1984), Real Women Have Curves (2002), The Straight Story (1999), Thelma and Louise (1991), Tootsie (1982), Whale Rider (2003), What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? (1993). More film titles can be found in the Film Index in the categories Overcoming Challenges and Gaining Hope and Encouragement under Inspirational.

“To the degree we continue to seek approval outside ourselves, to put greater stock in what others think of us, we deny our divinity and view ourselves as limited human beings.” Lynn Grabhorn

Eric had struggled with accepting his teenage daughter’s increasing need for independence. He wished he could overcome this difficulty. Eric used all three parts of this exercise successfully. After releasing his harsh Inner critic he decided to learn more about parenting a teenager by buying a book. He also decided to keep talking to his daughter in order to understand her better. Along the way he encountered some setbacks, but Eric started feeling stronger when he recalled how, years ago, he had successfully improved his communication with his wife once he really tried. Watching one of the movies I had suggested while consciously focusing on the determination the characters demonstrated helped him to stay on track with his goal.

Exercise 7: Accepting Real Shortcomings That You Cannot or Do Not Want to Overcome You may be aware of certain shortcomings but find that you do not want to work on them because they are not a priority for you. Or you might have tried several times unsuccessfully to overcome them. My friend Connie, for example, felt incompetent with anything that had to do with her computer. She would have loved to have taken classes and gained those skills, but her training to become a nurse was more important to her. Therefore she decided to

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sacrifice her desire to increase her computer skills in favor of her career. Another friend, Max, would have loved to be able to play an instrument, but after trying for a long time he noticed that he did not have much talent for it. He had to bury his dream. If you become aware of your real shortcomings after you recognize them in a film character, and you criticize yourself for them, do not skip exercises 1, 2 and 3. These tools can help you make a first step toward acceptance and compassion for these undesirable qualities. Full acceptance might only be possible if you allow yourself to grieve that you are not able to overcome your real shortcomings, at least for right now. In Chapter 7, Grief and Transformation, I introduced six exercises designed to help you with this grief. Revisit them and make sure that you watch one of the mentioned movies in the suggested way.

Exercises for Quadrant III In Quadrant III of your Self Matrix you noted your positive qualities and capacities of which you are not always completely aware. Admiring these qualities in a movie character helped you discover that you have at least traces of these qualities or you carry the potential to develop these attributes in yourself. You might have learned through feedback from others, like Evelyn and Eric in the group, or discovered that somewhere inside you, possibly a little hidden away, that you possess some of these positive qualities. Increasing awareness about these attributes or their potential is an important first step. The following guided meditation can help you reach into the deeper layers of your soul in order to gain increased awareness.

“Films, because they often reframe fictional crisis, are ideal vehicles for reframing the problems of clients and for causing clients to entertain productive doubts.” John W. Hesley & Jan G. Hesley

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“I live myself in widening circles That reach out across the world. I may not ever complete the last one, But I give myself to it.” Rainer Maria Rilk

Exercise 1: Accessing Your Inner Wisdom I recommend speaking the text of the following guided meditation on a tape, then listening to it later. First, close your eyes and relax by taking three deep, slow breaths, quietly saying, “I am relaxing” as you breathe in and “I am letting go” as you breathe out. Let your thoughts move through your mind like clouds through the sky without paying attention to them. Visualize a safe, comfortable, and quiet place. Look around at your safe place, listen to the sounds around you, smell the air, and bring your attention to your feelings and body sensations. Find an especially nice spot at your safe place to make yourself very comfortable, and relax even more. Now “invite” to your safe place a wise, intuitive, loving, and compassionate being. This is your Inner Advisor (you can also call this being your Higher Self), who will guide you to success. Imagine that your Inner Advisor knows you very deeply, even though you may or may not know each other in real life. This process connects you with your inner wisdom and intuition. Ask your Inner Advisor for support in the following process and wait until he/she agrees to support you. The response may come in words or in other ways. Just be open to receive the answer. If several advisors appear, choose the one who seems most helpful right now. If you cannot perceive an Inner Advisor right away, keep visualizing your safe place once a day for one week and try again. Whenever you might feel stuck during the following exercises, close your eyes, imagine your Inner Advisor, and listen

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to his or her guidance until you find the answer you are looking for.

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“The knower and the known are one. God and I, we are one in knowledge.” Meister Eckhart

Exercise 2: Listing the Evidence Make a list of situations in your life when you have received feedback or discovered the qualities, capacities, or the potential to develop them that you listed in Quadrant III of your Self Matrix. Let’s say, for example, that you admired Edna’s strength and courage to face and master her overwhelming challenges in the movie Places of the Heart and recognized some signs of this quality inside yourself. Go back as far as you remember and note the evidence for your own strength and courage. A long time ago you may have faced successfully and with much courage a scary bully in school. Or a younger sibling might have admired you for not giving up but fighting even harder when your sports team looked as if it were losing. You may be surprised what you discover as you include many life experiences in this search for evidence.

Exercise 3: Reviewing and Editing the Evidence Now look again at the first situation on your list that you described, imagine it like the scene of a movie, and follow these steps: In your mind’s eye step into this scene. If you only remember it vaguely, you can make up the details. Notice what you see, hear, sense, and feel as you are reexperiencing this situation through your memory. If the colors you see and the sounds, feelings, and sensations you notice seem weak, you can edit the “movie” of your experience. As an editor

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“From the urgent ways lovers want each other to seekers search for the truth, all moving is from the mover. Every pull draws us to the ocean.” Rum

you can make the colors brighter, sounds more full, and your feelings, and sensations more intense. Focus on the appreciation or joy arising in response to your success in the scene. Let yourself feel these as much as you can. See whether you can get in touch with the same respect and admiration for your accomplishment as you felt for the movie character and his/her behavior. In the example I mentioned earlier you might have sensed (or imagined if your memory is dim) feeling slightly happy and proud when you mastered the challenge of a difficult sports game and received positive feedback for it. See whether this exercise can help you start experiencing real self-admiration for your accomplishment. Go through all the accomplishments and positive qualities on your list in the same way. Allow your awareness of these positive qualities and capacities to grow. Go through this process until your achievements start to appear very real and you sense clearly that you carry the corresponding positive qualities inside you.

Exercise 4: Choosing From the Exercises That Were Suggested for Quadrant I Now that you are more aware of your positive qualities and capacities, you are ready to use the exercises that can help you enhance and strengthen them. Your previous experience with the tools that were described for Quadrant I of the Growth Matrix might help you with your choice of exercises for Quadrant III also.

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These exercises were:
List of Positive Effects on Others
Guided Meditation
Self-Appreciation
Mutual Appreciation
Letter Writing
Writing Affirmations
Drawing, Painting, or Sculpting

Exercises for Quadrant IV This was the most challenging Quadrant with which to work in the Self Matrix. With your discoveries of your shadow qualities that you wrote into Quadrant IV of your Self Matrix, you have already done the bulk of the work. Now you just have to choose from the exercises that were suggested for Quadrant II in the same way as you did for this Quadrant before. Just as with Quadrant II, reaching acceptance and compassion with these shortcomings is the first step here too. Carl Gustav Jung said: “For something to change it first has to be accepted.” Our resistance and criticism of something that we do not like about ourselves can steal energy and motivation away from making a change. Therefore, letting go of selfhatred or self-rejection provides support for working with these undesired qualities. I recommend starting with the exercises, which are designed to help you move toward acceptance (1, 2, or 3 for Quadrant II).

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11 Creating a Cinema Therapy Group Over the years I have facilitated and taken part in many different groups for healing and personal development. I continue to be amazed at the transformative power that group members experience because others witness their process of sharing with listening presence and empathy. When I started to include the movie experience in my work with individual clients, I also decided to use it in groups, reasoning that the impact of films as catalysts for psychological processes dovetailed well with the heightened therapeutic effects often added by the group dynamics. Group members’ reflections about their emotional response to a movie are an added component that enriches group therapy. By understanding and sharing what moved them about certain movie scenes or characters, participants acquire an effective tool to get to know themselves and others. After leaving the group they are

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able to continue using what they have learned about self-discovery when watching films. Although group members usually are empathic witnesses, working with one’s psychological issues in any kind of therapeutic environment requires a certain amount of courage, emotional honesty, and trust. I frequently hear from people that they are playing with the idea of joining my cinema therapy group, but they fear sharing their inner truths openly. When some of them eventually come to our meetings, they gradually discover that they are not as fragile as they thought, and their participation is very rewarding for them. They recognize that many of their pains and joys are not unique and gain new perspectives by listening to others. Talking about the movie experience first serves as a bridge to dare riskier reflections about their inner world. Eventually, creative emotional openness develops.

Group versus Individual Cinema Therapy Work It can be very beneficial to use the movie experience and work with the exercises in this book in solitude. Group interactions add an important component because they are helpful in overcoming our inherent tendency toward selective blindness and self-deception. Other group members’ observations can be invaluable, especially if you want to learn from your projections on movie characters about those parts of yourself of which you are at least partially unaware (Chapters 8 and 9). The greatest temptation in the process of self-discovery is to keep focusing on those items of which you are already aware, whereas the greatest progress is often made by unearthing new discoveries. Other group members can help you extend your boundaries of self-knowledge beyond your blind spots. When the group functions well, others can help you to move past the layers of “obvious” understanding to more challenging areas of growth — the very areas that are easiest to miss, ignore, and undervalue when

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working alone. In this respect a cinema therapy group works similar to a dream group. Therefore my suggestions for these groups are similar to Jeremy Taylor’s guidelines for dream groups in Where People Fly and Water Runs Uphill.1 I observed that the general mood of a film often reappears as a feeling among members in the group. There frequently is a joyful atmosphere during the meeting after a humorous or uplifting film. A heavier mood is usually felt after darker movies with content that addresses problematic lives and interactions. When they become aware of this, members learn how susceptible we all are to outside influences. Since a movie is not even a real outside influence but just light projected on a screen, it becomes even more obvious to everyone how our inner experience is shaped by projections on our environment. Becoming consciously aware of the atmosphere during the subsequent group interactions, which are affected by the general mood of the film, helps members acknowledge their projections. This is usually easier when a lighthearted mood is observed than when tension appears. Group participants often recognize the darker projection in other members first, which can help as a bridge to becoming more aware of their own unconscious responses. As group members apply these insights to their everyday life, they learn to understand themselves better, which helps them become more authentic and real. A cinema therapy group is not the best approach for everyone, however. First of all, a group might not always be easily available where you live. Or perhaps you already know from experience that you are more successful with inner work on your own or with a therapist one-on-one. It is also possible that you want to explore very specific issues, such as building selfesteem, overcoming grief or that you want to work on releasing certain negative beliefs. If you cannot find or create a group that matches your interest, you will want to follow the suggestions in this book for working on your own.

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Organizing and Conducting a Cinema Therapy Group Therapy and support groups that use movies are becoming increasingly popular, and no wonder, given the popularity of cinema in general. Probably the best way to start a group is to invite four or five friends or acquaintances who like watching movies and are interested in personal growth. If you do not have interested friends or if you prefer to meet with people who do not know you outside the group, advertise the formation of your group on a community bulletin board, in a local paper, or perhaps through the Internet. Cinema therapy groups can work well without facilitation by a professional therapist if the guidelines I am suggesting are followed. Depending on the group members’ preference, either a leader is chosen among the participants or the group remains leaderless. Both formats can be very successful, as long as everyone agrees and sticks with the decision until the group agrees to change it. Guidelines:
Discuss how frequently you want to meet and whether you want to make a commitment to a certain number of group meetings. I found it most beneficial to meet weekly and to make an initial twelve-week commitment. In my groups participants can extend their commitment every twelve weeks.
Discuss the structure of your meetings. You can be very creative with this. You will inevitably develop your own rhythm and pattern of work over time. Here is just one possibility: To mark a starting point and help everyone to become centered and present, one group member might lead everyone in a short, guided meditation. A general check-in by each group member can follow before everyone talks about his or her movie experience. The exercises that are suggested in this book can be integrated in

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“Like a caring mother Holding and guarding the life Of her only child, So with a boundless heart Hold yourself and all beings.” Buddha















the sharing process. At the end of the meeting each participant might briefly mention how he or she are feeling about the group process. Group members usually form close bonds. Everyone’s presence is important to develop and maintain trust. Let the group know ahead of time if you cannot make it to a meeting or when you are planning to leave the group. Make an agreement about confidentiality. It is recommended to keep confidential what other group members say about themselves. You can share your own newly gained insights about yourself with a spouse or friend outside the group. But avoid telling them information about the other participants’ processes, even if the group consists of your friends. Avoid getting stuck in critiquing the movie: instead, come back to your experience. Because personalities are different, group members will respond differently to mood, meaning, symbolism, and characters of films. Respecting these differences helps everyone learn from others and creates emotional safety in the group. Do not interrupt another group member’s sharing. Be careful with giving advice. Even if you have no intention of adopting a “holier-than-thou” position, advice giving can be perceived as such. Supportive listening is usually more helpful. Be considerate of the time. Extroverts need to avoid monopolizing the meeting. Overall, everyone should have approximately equal time available. Respect introverted members as they might need to take their time before they open up in front of everyone else.

Ideally, the group watches a video or DVD together while everyone applies the guiding suggestions about watching with conscious awareness (see the last section of Chapter 3). After the movie, the group should share their experience. But

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this format can lead to long meeting times that are not always convenient. The next best thing is for each group member to watch the movie at home prior to the meeting, using the same suggestions. Depending on the size of the group and whether you prefer to spend one or more meetings on processing a specific film, a meeting time between one-and-a-half and two-and-a-half hours seems best. My groups work well meeting for an hour-and-a-half. We view a different movie every other week at home and talk during the two following meetings about everyone’s learning and healing experiences as well as any feelings that it brought up. Though the collective viewing experience in a theater can enhance the emotional impact of a movie in a powerful way, it is not always practical. It limits the film choice to the new releases and does not allow the viewer to watch certain scenes over again. For some it is easier to get in touch with their emotional responses in the safety of their home. In either case, after watching the movie and before interacting with others, group participants benefit from writing down their answers to the questions that can be found at the end of Chapter 3 and filling out the matrices in Chapters 8 through 10.

Movie Selection Taking turns, group members choose a movie for everyone to watch. It helps to check with video stores about availability prior to announcing the choice. A film could be selected for different reasons. Here are three of them:
Watching the movie serves to elicit a group exchange focused on specific issues such as addictions, overcoming and growing from life’s challenges, pursuing one’s passion, strength in vulnerability, anger and forgiveness, finding meaning in life, etc.
The movie’s allegoric message supports healing and

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growth in areas on which the choosing member is currently working. A participant might therefore choose a certain movie because a film character models how a certain goal on this group member’s inner journey can be achieved. Equally possible, the film might be chosen for a character’s demonstration of failure. In the latter case learning happens through the character’s mistakes, by proxy. Other group participants usually discover that the selected film serves them in a similar way even though originally they would not have considered it as helpful.
The movie, or parts of it, touched the chooser deeply. The subsequent group process helps this member in their selfdiscovery, especially if the matrices in Chapters 8 and 9 are used. It also provides an opportunity for the others to get to know this participant better because she shows herself through their choice, as well as through sharing her responses to the movie. As other members talk about their reactions to the film, the whole group starts to know each other better. Often their responses are surprisingly diverse. The subsequent group processes serve as a practicing ground for tolerance and acceptance. It is best to choose a movie from memory. If no movie comes to mind, let the Film Index at the end of this book remind and inspire you. The group decides whether foreign movies with subtitles can be selected. In my groups I found them equally as beneficial as any other film.

Avoiding Pitfalls Getting stuck in critiquing the movie is usually an indicator that group participants do not feel safe enough emotionally to reveal their personal truths. This insecurity is not always conscious. If you become aware that it is happening in your group, it means

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everyone needs to take a bigger emotional risk. Members might want to try returning their focus to questions like:
Did the movie touch me, positively or negatively?
If the film had a unique message for me, what was it?
What new ideas for new behaviors did the movies introduce?
Did I experience something that connected me with health and wholeness, my inner wisdom, or higher self as I watched the film? Because the general mood of the film often reappears as a feeling among members in the group, the problematic parts in movies can potentially also surface during the group meeting. Understanding this influence can be critical for the group. When members are conscious enough, this offers a wonderful opportunity to work through the arising difficult group dynamics. Sometimes this process takes some time. For example, after a group I facilitated had watched Changing Lanes (2002), a movie about much conflict and rage (see Movie Preview on page 38), conflict dynamics appeared in the group as well. Similar to the way the movie characters projected negativity onto each other, some group members also were caught in their projections on other participants. For a while everyone felt uncomfortable. Consciously stepping back and understanding their projections helped the group to navigate successfully through the crisis. They emerged from this challenging experience with a sense of increased closeness and with new insights about themselves. A group that is not facilitated by a professional therapist should not include members with severe mental disturbances. No one would benefit from his or her participation. If the group organizers are open to all comers, they should have a list of mental health professionals handy for referrals. Sometimes people with similar patterns of repression, denial, and self-deception join together in a group and end up

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“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” Kalhil Gibran

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colluding to avoid the more challenging messages that lie in their responses to movie characters. In such situations, members go easy on each other, but fear dominates their behavior, and certain shadow qualities do not come to light through group interaction. When such a pattern of repressive subconscious group collusion occurs, it can be difficult to overcome. If you believe that this might happen in your group, address the possibilities of denial based on fear, and watch a movie in which the allegoric message is courage to overcome challenges. Check the Film Index for appropriate films. You might also consider adding a new member to the group. Sometimes new participants, who do not share the same history and experience, will enliven the group and help break down collusion aimed at avoiding particular issues. Be aware that, at least initially, some old group members might not feel open and welcoming toward new participants unless they show willingness to go along with the group’s established patterns. If this response persists, the group needs to discuss those dynamics before talking about movies again.

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Film Index Use this index to identify films that deal with your questions or issues. Using Part 1: The Category Finder, choose a heading from the list of meta categories then turn to the page number indicated to find a list of related subheadings. From there, follow the page reference to the corresponding list of related film titles located in Part 2: The Film Lists.

Part 1: The Category Finder Inspiration...........................................................................................186 Personal Questions .............................................................................186 Social Questions .................................................................................186 Children ..............................................................................................186 Adolescents.........................................................................................186 Families ..............................................................................................186 Couples ...............................................................................................186 Symptoms of Mental Illness and Addiction.......................................186 Physical Illness/Medical Issues .........................................................187

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Inspiration Challenges: Overcoming Them 188 Following the Call 188 Gaining Hope and Encouragement/Renewal 188 Laughter Works as Medicine 189 Personal Courage 190 Role Models 190 Searching for Meaning 190 Spirituality 191 Support Groups 191 Transformation and Renewal 191 Uplifting/Feel Good 191

Personal Questions Abandonment 191 Abuse: Children 192 Abuse: Emotional and Physical 192 After Life 193 Aging 193 Anger and Forgiveness 194 Bereavement/Loss and Grief 194 Choosing a Life Partner 194 Codependency 194 Crying for Emotional Catharsis 195 Death and Dying 195 Denial 196 Developing Inner Resources 198 Food 198 Friends 198 Homosexuality: male 199 Homosexuality: female 199

Film Index

Isolation 200 Legal Issues 200 Life Stage Transitions 200 Men’s Issues 200 Personal Goals and Values 200 Philosophical Questions: Alternate Reality 200 Philosophical Questions: Reality as Illusion 201 Philosophical Questions: Magic is Real 201 Self-Esteem: Questioning Negative Beliefs About Yourself and Rediscovering Your Strengths 201 Single Adults 201 Stress – Type A Personality 201 Stuttering 201 Vocation/Career/Success 202 Women’s Issues 202

Adolescents Peer Relationships 204 Search for Identity 204 Transition to Adulthood 204

Families General 204 Adoption/Custody After Divorce 206 Blended Families/Step-parenting 206 Family Conflict 206 Incest 206 Letting Go 207 Parent-Child/Mentor-Pupil Relationships 207 Sibling Relationships 207 Single Parents 207

Couples Social Questions Bureaucracy 202 Community: The Search for 202 Diversity: Race/Gender/Sexual Orientation/Culture 202 Ethics 203 Teamwork 203

Children Childhood Fears 203 Fantasies and Fears 203 Friends, Bullies and Social Life 203 Gifted Children 203

Affairs 207 Choosing a Life Partner 208 Commitment 208 Communication 208 Conflict and Negotiation 208 Divorce 209 Nontraditional Relationships 209 Renewed Intimacy 209 Romantic Love 209 Sex/Sexuality 209 Spousal Abuse 210 Widowhood 210

Symptoms of Mental Illness and Addiction Addiction: Alcohol 210

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Film Index

Addiction: Alcohol, Women 211 Addiction: Drugs 211 Addiction: Drugs, Women 212 Addiction: Gambling 212 Addiction: Multiple Substances 212 Alzheimer’s Disease 213 Amnesia 213 Autism 213 Bipolar Disorder 213 Borderline Traits/Borderline Personality Disorder 213 Conduct Disorders 213 Conversion Behavior/Conversion Disorder 213 Dependent Traits/Dependent Personality Disorder 213 Depression 213 Dissociative Disorders 214 Eating Disorders 214 Gender Identity Disorder 214

Histrionic Traits/Histrionic Personality Disorder 214 Hypochondriasis 214 Kleptomania 214 Mania 214 Mental Institutions 214 Mental Retardation 214 Narcissistic Traits/Narcissistic Personality Disorder 215 Narcolepsy 215 Obsessive-Compulsive Traits/ObsessiveCompulsive Disorder 215 Paranoia/Paranoid Personality Disorder 215 Pedophilia 215 Phobias 215 Posttraumatic Stress Disorder 215 Psychopathic/Antisocial Personality Disorder 216 Psychotic Disorders 216 Rehabilitation 217

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Schizophrenia 217 Sexual Addictions 217 Suicide 217

Physical Illness/Medical Issues General 217 AIDS 218 Blindness 218 Cancer 218 Deafness 218 Disabilities 218 Disfigurement 218 Dwarfism 218 Limb & Spinal 218 Polio & Post-Polio 218 Severe Illness 218 Traumatic Brain Injury 218

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Part 2: The Film Lists Films that have a corresponding Movie Preview or Movie Analysis in previous chapters are indicated by the page number of the article.

Inspiration Overcoming Challenges About a Boy (2002) A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001) Apollo 13 (1995) The Bodyguard (1992) Bounce (2000) Cast Away (2000) Chocolat (2000) Cider House Rules (1999) Courage Under Fire (1996) Crimes of the Heart (1986) Dances with Wolves (1990) Edward Scissorhands (1990) The Emperors Club (2002) The English Patient (1996) Footloose (1984) Frida (2002) 120 Hearts of the West (1975) The Joy Luck Club (1993) The Lion King (1994) Moscow on the Hudson (1984) Good Will Hunting (1997) 106 Groundhog Day (1993) 122 The Fugitive (1993) The Horse Whisperer (1998) Pelican Brief (1993) The Pianist (2003) The Piano (1993) Rabbit-Proof Fence (2002)

Rocky (1976) Rudy (1993) The Shawshank Redemption (1994) 78 Schindler’s List (1993) Shine (1996) 80 The Shipping News (2001) Sense and Sensibility (1995) Stand and Deliver (1988) The Sting (1973) This Boy’s Life (1993) Twister (1990) Under the Tuscan Sun (2003) Following the Call Billy Elliot (2000) 110 Chariots of Fire (1981) Dead Poets Society (1989) 106 Erin Brockovich (2000) 85 Fame (1980) The Fisher King (1991) Flashdance (1983) Good Will Hunting (1997) 106 The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000) October Sky (1999) Pay it Forward (2000) Ruby in Paradise (1993) Shine (1996) 80 Whale Rider (2003) 121

Gaining Hope and Encouragement/Renewal: Bagdad Cafe (Out of Rosenheim) (1988) 122 Beaches (1988) The Big Chill (1983) Born on the Fourth of July (1989) Boys on the Side (1995) Casablanca (1942) Cemetery Club (1993) Chances Are (1989) Chariots of Fire (1981) Cider House Rules (1999) Clara’s Heart (1988) Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) The Color Purple (1985) Corrina, Corrina (1994) Dances with Wolves (1990) Do the Right Thing (1980) Elephant Man (1980) The Emerald Forrest (1985) Enchanted April (1992) Forever Young (1992) The Four Seasons (1981) Gandhi (1982) Ghost (1990) Gone with the Wind (1939) The Great Santini (1979) Groundhog Day (1993) 122 Jonathan Livingston Seagull (1973) Joy Luck Club (1993)

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Film Index

Heart Like a Wheel (1983) A Home of Our Own (1993) The Lion King (1994) Little Big Man (1970) Local Hero (1983) Lorenzo’s Oil (1992) Marvin’s Room (1996) Moonstruck (1987) Mr. Mom (1983) Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) Music Box (1989) My Family (Mi Familia) (1995) My Life (1993) Nell (1994) Norma Rae (1979) 123 Nothing in Common (1986) On Golden Pond (1981) 123 One Trick Pony (1980) Queen of Hearts (1989) Resurrection (1980) Ruthless People (1986) The Searchers (1956) Seabiscuit (2003) 109 The Secret of Roan Inish (1994) Serving in Silence (1995) Sleepless in Seattle (1993) Stand By Me (1986) Starting Over (1979) Stealing Beauty (1996) Steel Magnolias (1989) A Thousand Acres (1997) To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday (1996) A Town Like Alice (1981) 122 Trading Places (1983) Three of Hearts (1993) Truly, Madly, Deeply (1991) Twins (1988)

Two for the Road (1967) Ulee’s Gold (1997) Unstrung Heroes (1995) Untamed Heart (1993) The Waterdance (1992) The Way We Were (1973) Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) Zorba the Greek (1964) Laughter Works as Medicine: Annie Hall (1974) Analyze This (1999) Analyze That (2002) The Associate (1996) Babe (1995) Best in Show (2000) The Birdcage (1996) The Brothers McMullen (1995) Denise Calls up (1995) The First Wives Club (1996) A Fish Called Wanda (1988) Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) Fried Green Tomatoes (1997) The Full Monty (1997) The Gods Must Be Crazy (1980) Good Morning Vietnam (1987) Home for the Holidays (1995) Meet the Parents (2000) Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) Mother (1996) My Cousin Vinny (1992) Patch Adams (1998) One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975) Sister Act (1992)

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Strictly Ballroom (1992) There’s Something about Mary (1998) The Truth about Cats and Dogs (1996) Waking Ned Devine (1998) What about Bob (1991) Personal Courage Babe (1995) Braveheart (1995) Chariots of Fire (1981) Courage Under Fire (1996) The English Patient (1996) Door to Door (2002) Do the Right Thing (1989) Endurance (1999) Field of Dreams (1989) Forrest Gump (1984) Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) 85 Gandhi (1982) Gattaca (1997) 87 Gone With the Wind (1939) Gorillas in the Mist (1988) The Insider (1999) Jonathan Livingston Seagull (1973) 77 Julia (1977) The Contender (2000) The Diary of Anne Frank (1959) The Gladiator (2000) Life Is Beautiful (1989) 122 Little Big Man (1970) Mask (1985) Norma Rae (1979) 123 Out of Rosenheim (Baghdad Cafè) (1988) 122 Open Range (2003) Ruby in Paradise (1993) 95

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190

Saving Private Ryan (emotional challenging, 1998) Serving in Silence (1995) The Shawshank Redemption (1994) 78 Silkwood (1983) Thirteen Conversations About One Thing (2001) A Town Like Alice (1981) 122 The Untouchables (1987) The Wizard of Oz (1939) Role Models Apollo 13 (1995) Dead Poets’ Society (1989) 106 The Emperor’s Club (2002) Erin Brockovich (2000) 85 Field of Dreams (1989) Finding Forrester (2000) Gandhi (1982) Music of the Heart (1999) Pay it Forward (2000) Places in the Heart (1984) 82 Ruby in Paradise (1993) 95 Rudy (1993) Searching for Meaning About a Boy (2002) American Beauty (1999) The Apostle (1997) Being There (1979) Cider House Rules (1999) 81 Dead Poets Society (1989) 106 Field of Dreams (1989) Grand Canyon (1991) 131 Groundhog Day (1993) 122

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Film Index

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) 89 Jonathan Livingston Seagull (1973) 77 My Dinner with Andre (1981) Short Cuts (1993) Thirteen Conversations About One Thing (2002) The Truman Show (1998) 62 Spirituality City of Angels (1998) The Third Miracle (2000) Malcom X (1992) 108 Powder (1995) Resurrection (1991) Wings of Desire (1988) Support Groups Bang the Drum Slowly (1973) The Big Chill (1983) Circle of Friends (1995) City Slickers (1991) Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) 85 Peter’s Friends (1992) Star Wars (1977) Steel Magnolias (1989) Transformation and Renewal The Full Monty (1997) Good Will Hunting (1997) 106 Groundhog Day (1993) 122 Lantana (2001) Lost in Translation (2003) Pieces of April (2003) Schindler’s List (1993) Something Gotta Give (2003) The Station Agent (2003)

Uplifting/Feel Good Amelie (in French, 2001) Cacoon (1985) Cinema Paradiso (1988) Erin Brockovich (2000) 85 Forest Gump (1994) Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) Ghost (1990) Good Morning Vietnam (1987) Hope and Glory (1987) It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) 89 King of Hearts (1966) Mr Deed’s (2002) Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) Mulan (1998) My Fair Lady (1964) Scrooge (1988) Singin’ in the Rain (1952) Sister Act (1992) There’s Something About Mary (1998) The Waterboy (1998) Zoolander (2001)

Personal Questions Abandonment The Accused (1988) An Affair to Remember (1957) Baby Boom (1987) Beaches (1988) Big (1988) Boy With Green Hair (1948)

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Film Index

Rape of Richard Beck (1985, TV) Call Me Anna (1990, TV) Closer (2004) The Color Purple (1985) Cries From the Heart (1994, TV) Darkness Before Dawn (1993, TV) David’s Mother (1994, TV) Dead Poets Society (1989) 106 Doctor (1963) Drop Dead Fred (1991) Drugstore Cowboy (1989) Eating (1990) Falling Down (1993) Family of Strangers (1993, TV) Field of Dreams (1989) Fisher King (1991) Forrest Gump (1994) Four Seasons (1981) Gathering (1977, TV) Grand Canyon (1991) 131 Hot Spell (1958) I Know My First Name Is Steven (1989) I Never Sang for My Father (1970) Il Postino (The Postman) (1994) 48 In the Best Interest of the Child (1990, TV) It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) 89 Jason’s Lyric (1994) Jungle Fever (1991) Karen Carpenter Story (1989, TV) Kramer v. Kramer (1979) 122

Life of the Party (1998, TV) The Story of Beatrice (1969) Long Way Home (1997) Looking for Mister Goodbar (1977) Memories of Me (1988) Mr. Jones (1993) My Breast (1994, TV) Nuts (1987) Ordinary People (1980) 122 Our Very Own (1950) Philadelphia (1993) Postcards From the Edge (1990) Pretty in Pink (1986) Prince of Tides (1991) Radio Flyer (1992) Rain Man (1988) Regarding Henry (1991) Ryan White Story (1989, TV) She Said No (1990, TV) Shirley Valentine (1989) Six Weeks (1982) Sophie’s Choice (1982) Stanley and Iris (1990) Sybil (1976, TV) Tales of Manhattan (1942) This Boy’s Life (1993) To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) Under the Influence (2002) War of the Roses (1989) Whore (1991) Wildflower (1991, TV) Wizard of 0z (1939) Women of Brewster Place (1989, TV) Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (1988) Working Girl (1988)

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Abuse: Children Bastard Out of Carolina (1996) Best Little Girl in the World (1981, TV) Dolores Claiborne (1995) Jane Eyre (1983) Matilda (1996) Mommy Dearest (1981) Not My Kid (1985, TV) The Prince of Tides (1991) Radio Flyer (1992) Ryan White Story (1995) Sling Blade (1996) Stand By Me (1986) Sybil (1976, TV) This Boy’s Life (1993) A Thousand Acres (1997) Abuse: Emotional and Physical Accused (1988) All That Jazz Boost (1979) Burning Bed (1984) Call Me Anna (1990) Christmas Carol (1978, TV) Closet Land (1991) Color Purple (1985) Cry for Help — The Tracey Thurman Story (1989) Damage (1974) Days of Wine and Roses (1962) Do you Know the Muffin Man? (1989) Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931) Enchantment 1948) Extremities (1986) Falling Down (1993)

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192

Family of Strangers (1993, TV) Fear Inside (1992, TV) Frances (1982, TV) Great Santini (1979) Hellraiser (1987) Hot Spell (1958) I Know My First Name Is Steven (1989, TV) Jason’s Lyric (1994) Jo Jo Dancer — Your Life Is Calling (1986) Jungle Fever (1991) Karen Carpenter Story (1989, TV) Lady Sings the Blues (1972) Less Than Zero (1987) Looking for Mister Goodbar (1977) Men Don’t Tell (1993, TV) Mission (1986) Morning After (1986) Mr. Jones (1993) Naked Lunch (1991) 9 1/2 Weeks (1986) Nuts (1987) On Golden Pond (1981) 123 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975) Play Misty for Me (1971) Rape and Marriage — The Rideout Case (1980, TV) Rape of Richard Beck (1985, TV) She Said No (1990, TV) Sid and Nancy (1986) Silence of the Lambs (1981) Sleeping With the Enemy (1991) Something About Amelia (1984, TV)

Film Index

Sophie’s Choice (1982) Summer of ‘42 (1971) Taking Back My Lift — The Nancy Ziegenmeyer Story (1991, TV) Tales of Manhattan (1942) Thelma and Louise (1991) Ultimate Betrayal (1994, TV) Under the Influence (2002) Unspeakable Acts (1990, TV) Victims for Victims: The Theresa Saldana Story (1984, TV) Wall Street (1997) War of the Roses (1989) What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (1993) Whore (1991) Wildflower (1991, TV) After Life After Life (in Japanese, 2000) Defending Your Life (1997) Field of Dreams (1989) Frequency (2000) Ghost (1990) Heaven Can Wait (1976) Jacob’s Ladder (1990) The Sixth Sense (1999) What Dreams May Come (1998) Aging About Schmidt (2002) 108 Cocoon (1985) Dad (1989) A Delicate Balance (1973) Driving Miss Daisy (1992) Folks (1989) Grumpy Old Men (1993) Ikiru (1952)

Lancaster in Boardwalk (1979) The Last Angry Man (1959) Madam Rosa (1977) Mr. Holland’s Opus (1995) 106 The Pawnbroker (1964) On Golden Pond (1981) 123 Space Cowboys (2000) Strangers in Good Company (1990) A Thousand Acres (1997) Tokyo Story (1953) The Trip to Bountiful (1985) Wild Strawberries (1957) Wrestling Ernest Hemingway 1993) Anger and Forgiveness Bounce (2000) Broadway Danny Rose (1984) Changing Lanes (2002) 38 In Country (1989) High Tide (1988) Life is Sweet (1991) Loan Star (1996) Ordinary People (1980) 122 Secrets and Lies (1995) The Sweet Here After (1998) Running on Empty (1988) The Straight Story (1999) A Walk On The Moon (1999) Bereavement/Loss and Grief Brian’s Song (1971, TV) City of Angels (1998) Corrina, Corrina (1994) Dr. Zhivago (1965) Gallipoli (1981) Glory (1989)

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Film Index

Love Story (1970) Message in a Bottle (1999) Ordinary People (1980) 122 Ponette (1996) A River Runs Through It (1992) The Secret of Roan Inish (1995) Shadowlands (1993) Sleepless in Seattle (1993) Steel Magnolias (1989) The Sweet Hereafter (1997) Terms of Endearment (1983) Titanic (1997) Truly, Madly, Deeply (1991) What Dreams May Come (1998) Choosing a Life Partner Forget Paris (1995) Me, Myself and I (1992) When Harry Met Sally (1989) Codependency Accidental Tourist (1988) All That Jazz (1979) Barfly (1987) Benny and Joon (1993) The Boost (1988) Bright Lights, Big City (1988) Burning Bed (1984, TV) Call Me Anna (1990, TV) Carnal Knowledge (1971) Clean and Sober (1988) Closer (2000) Cry for Help: The Tracey Thurman Story (1989, TV) Damage (1974) Darkness Before Dawn (1993, TV)

Days of Wine and Roses (1962) Drop Dead Fred (1991) Drugstore Cowboy (1989) Eating (1990) Family of Strangers (1993, TV) Fatal Attraction (1987) Fisher King (1991) For the Love of Nancy (1994) Four Seasons (1981) Frances (1982) Gambler (1971) Gathering (1998) Grand Canyon (1991) 131 Great Santini (1979) Great Sinner (1949) Harvey (1950) Hellraiser (1987) Hot Spell (1958) Jason’s Lyric (1994) Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling (1986) Jungle Fever (1991) Kate’s Secret (1986) Lady Sings the Blues (1972) Less Than Zero (1987) Made in Heaven (1987) Man With the Golden Arm (1955) Men Don’t Tell (1993) Men’s Club (1986) Naked Lunch (1991) ‘Night, Mother (1996) 9 1/2 Weeks (1986) Not My Kid (1985, TV) Nuts (1987) On Golden Pond (1981) 123 Ordinary People (1980) 122 Our Very Own

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Parenthood (1990) Play Misty for Me (1971) Pretty in Pink (1986) Prince of Tides (1991) Rapture (1965) Sarah T: Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic (1975, TV) Sid and Nancy Something About Amelia (1984, TV) St. Elmo’s Fire (1985) Stanley and Iris (1990) Stella (1990) That’s Life (1998) Toughlove (1985) Ultimate Betrayal (1994, TV) Under the Influence (2002) War of the Roses (1989) What About Bob? (1991) What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (1993) When a Man Loves a Woman (1994) Wildflower (1999) Wizard of Oz (1939) Women of Brewster Place (1989, TV) Working Girl (1988) Crying for emotional catharsis: An Affair to Remember (1957) Bridges of Madison County (1995) The Color Purple (1985) Doctor Zhivago (1965) The English Patient (1996) Gorillas in the Mist (1988) Joy Luck Club (1993) The Last of His Tribe (1992, TV)

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194

Little Women (1994) Lorenzo’s Oil (1992) Love Story (1970) Marvin’s Room (1996) Ordinary People (1980) 122 Philadelphia (1980) The Secret of Roan Inish (1994) Roots (1977) Shadowlands (1993) Snow Falling on Cedars (1999) Steel Magnolias (1989) Terms of Endearment(1983) Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995) West Side Story (1961) Death and Dying Accidental Tourist (1988) Adam (1991) Alien (1979) All That Jazz (1979) Beaches (1988) Big Chill (1983) Blue Butterfly (2002) Chantilly Lace (1993) Closer (2000) Color Purple (1980) Crimes of the Heart (1986) Dad (1989) Damage (1974) Dante’s Inferno (1935) Dead Poets Society (1989) 106 Death Becomes Her (1992) Defending Your Life (1991) Doctor (1963) Dollmaker (1984) Duet for One (1986)

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Film Index

Drugstore Cowboy (1989) Dying Young (1991) Family of Strangers (1993, TV) Field of Dreams (1989) Flat Liners (1990) Forrest Gump (1994) Ghost (1990) The Green Mile (1999) Hot Spell (1958) I Never Sang for My Father (1970) It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) 89 Jason’s Lyric (1994) Joy Luck Club (1993) Jungle Fever (1991) Karen Carpenter Story (1987) Lady Sings the Blues (1972) Long Way Home (1997) Love Story (1972) MADD: Mothers Against Drunk Driving (1983, TV) Made in Heaven (1987) Magnolia (2000) Marvin’s Room (1996) The Mission (1986) Monsters Ball (2002) Moonlight Mile (2002) My Life Without Me (2003) ‘Night, Mother (1986) Nothing in Common (1986) One True Thing (1998) Ordinary People (1980) 122 Philadelphia (1993) Rain Man (1988) Rocket Gibraltar (1988) Ryan White Story (1995) Shadowlands (1993) Sid and Nancy (1986)

Six Weeks (1982) Sleepless in Seattle (1993) Sophie’s Choice (1982) Steel Magnolias (1989) Summer of ‘42 (1971) Tales of Manhattan (1942) Terms of Endearment (1983) That’s Life (1986) Three Faces of Eve (1957) Titanic (1997) Torch Song Trilogy (1988) Trip to Bountiful (1985) Tuesdays with Morrie (1999) War of the Roses (1989) Woman’s Tale (1991) Women of Brewster Place (1989, TV) Y Tu Mama Tambien (2002) Denial About Last Night (1986) Accidental Tourist (1988) Alien (1979) All That Jazz (1979) Bright Lights, Big City (1988) Broadcast News (1987) Call Me Anna (1990, TV) Carnal Knowledge (1971) Clean and Sober (1988) Closet Land (2000) Color Purple (1985) Come Fill the Cup (1951) Cries From the Heart (1994, TV) Cry for Help: The Tracey Thurman Story (1989, TV) Damage (1974) Darkness Before Dawn (1993 TV) Days of Wine and Roses (1962)

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Film Index

Defending Your Life (1991) Do You Know the Muffin Man? (1989, TV) Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931) Drop Dead Fred (1991) Drugstore Cowboy (1989) Dying Young (1991) Eating (1990) Face to Face (2001) Falling Down (1993) Fatal Attraction (1987) Fisher King (1991) Flatliners (1990) For the Love of Nancy (1994, TV) Four Seasons (1981) Frances (1982) Gambler (1971) Gathering (1998) Grand Canyon (1991) 131 Great Santini (1979) Great Sinner (1949) Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967) Harvey (1950) Hellraiser (1987) Hot Spell (1958) I Know My First Name Is Steven (1989, TV) I Never Sang for My Father (1970) Immediate Family (1989) Jason’s Lyric (1994) Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling (1986) Jungle Fever (1991) Karen Carpenter Story (1987) Kate’s Secret (1986) Lady Sings the Blues (1972) Less Than Zero (1987)

M.A.D.D.: Mothers Against Drunk Driving (1983) Made in Heaven (1987) Man With the Golden Arm (1955) Memories of Me (1988) Men Don’t Tell (1993) Men’s Club (1986) Mission (1986) Mommie Dearest (1981) Mr. Jones (1983) My Breast (1994, TV) My Name Is Bill W. (1989, TV) Naked Lunch (1991) ‘Night, Mother (1996) 9 1/2 Weeks (1986) Not My Kid (1985, TV) Nuts (1987) On Golden Pond (1981) 123 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975) Ordinary People (1980) 122 Parenthood (1990) Picture of Dorian Gray (1945) Play Misty for Me (1971) Postcards From the Edge (1990) Pretty in Pink (1986) Prince of Tides (1991) Rain Man (1988) Rape and Marriage: The Rideout Case (1980, TV) Rapture (1965) Rashomon (in Japanese, 1950) Sarah T: Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic (1975, TV) Shirley Valentine (1989)

195

Something About Amelia (1984, TV) Sophie’s Choice (1982) St. Elmo’s Fire (1985) Steel Magnolias (1989) Stella (1990) Stranger in the Family (2002) Tales of Manhattan (1942) Terms of Endearment (1983) That’s Life (1998) This Boy’s Life (1993) To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) Toughlove (1985) Ultimate Betrayal (1994, TV) Under the Influence (2002) Wall Street (1987) War of the Roses (1989) What About Bob? (1991) What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (1993) When a Man Loves a Woman (1994) Whore (1991) Wildflower (1999) Wizard of Oz (1939) Woman Under the Influence (1974) Women of Brewster Place (1989, TV) Developing Inner Resources Castaway (2000) Empire of the Sun (1987) First Wives Club (1996) Norma Rae (1979) 203 Places in the Heart (1984) 82 Rain Man (1988) Silkwood (1983) Food Eating (1990)

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196

For the Love of Nancy (1994, TV) Hot Spell (1958) Karen Carpenter Story (1987) Kate’s Secret (1986) Ultimate Betrayal (1994, TV) What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (1993) Friends About Last Night (1986) Bang the Drum Slowly (1973) Barfly (1987) Beaches (1988) Big (1988) Big Chill (1983) Boy With Green Hair (1948) Boys in the Band (1970) Breakfast Club (1985) Bright Lights, Big City (1988) Chantilly Lace (1993, TV) Christmas Carol (1978, TV) Circle of Friends (1995) City Slickers (1991) Clean and Sober (1988) Color Purple (1985) Dead Poets Society (1989) 106 Doctor (1940) Drop Dead Fred (1991) Duet for One (1986) Drugstore Cowboy (1989) Eating (1990) Face to Face (1976) Family of Strangers (1993, TV) Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) Field of Dreams (1989) Fisher King (1991) Forrest Gump (1994)

Page 196

Film Index

Four Seasons (1981) Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) 85 Friends (1994) Good Mother (1988) Grand Canyon (1991) 131 Great Sinner (1949) He Said, She Said (1991) Grumpy Old Men (1993) It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) 89 Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling (1986) Less Than Zero (1987) Julia (1968) Life of the Party (1998, TV) Midnight Cowboy (1969) Mr Destiny (1990) My Name Is Bill W (1989) One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1975) Our Very Own (1950) Paris Is Burning (1990) Philadelphia (1993) Peter’s Friends (1992) Pretty in Pink (1986) Prince of Tides (1991) Regarding Henry (1991) Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion (1997) Ryan White Story (1995) She Said No (1990, TV) Sleepless in Seattle (1993) Sophie’s Choice (1982) St. Elmo’s Fire (1985) Strangers in Good Company (1990) Steel Magnolias (1989) Stella (1990) The Story of Beatrice (1982)

Summer of ‘42 (1971) Tales of Manhattan (1942) Thelma and Louise (1991) Three Faces of Eve (1957) Torch Song Trilogy (1988) Waiting to Exhale (1995) Way We Were (1973) Wildflower (1991, TV) Wizard of Oz (1939) Woman’s Tale (1991) Women of Brewster Place (1989, TV) Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (1988) Working Girl (1988) Male Homosexuality Adventures Of Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert (1994) Boogie Nights (1997) The Boys In The Band (1970) Compulsion (1959) Crying Game (1992) Cruising (1980) The Detective (1968) Hollow Reed (1996) Jeffrey (1995) Kiss Of The Spider Woman (1985) La Cage Aux Folles / The Birdcage (1996) Last Exit To Brooklyn (1989) Lianna (1983) Longtime Companion (1990) The L-Shaped Rom (1963) The Lost Language Of Cranes (1992) The Maltese Falcon (1941) Midnight Cowboy (1969) My Own Private Idaho (1991)

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Page 197

Film Index

Outrageous (1977) Philadelphia (1993) Priest (1994) Prick Up Your Ears (1987) Rebel Without A Cause (1955) Reflections In A Golden Eye (1967) The Sergeant (1968) The Strange One (1957) Three Of Hearts (1993) Tea & Sympathy (1956) Torch Song Trilogy (1988) To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar (1995) Wilde (1997) Female Homosexuality Bound (1996) Boys On The Side (1995) Chasing Amy (1997) The Children’s Hour (1961) Claire Of The Moon (1994) Desert Hearts (1985) Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) 85 Go Fish (2001) The Incredible True Adventure Of Two Girls In Love (1995) Personal Best (1982) Isolation Every Man For Himself And God Against All (1974) Nell (1994) The Wild Child (1969) Legal Issues Anatomy Of A Murder (1959) Criminal Law (1988)

Dead Man Out (1989, TV) A Fine Madness (1966) Natural Born Killers (1994) Nuts (1987) Rampage (1988) A Time To Kill (1954) Life Stage Transition The Breakfast Club (1985) Breaking Away (1979) Girl Interrupted (1999) The Graduate (1967) Shirley Valentine (1989) The Shootist (1976) The Unforgiven (1960) Men’s Issues Bang the Drum Slowly (1973) Beautiful Girls (1996) The Big Chill (1983) City Slickers (1991) Da (1988) I Never Sang for My Father (1970) Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) Nothing in Common (1987) Tootsie (1982) Vertigo (1958) Personal Goals and Values Boys Don’t Cry (1999) Field of Dreams (1989) Jonathan Livingston Seagull (1973) 77 Patch Adams (1998) Philosophical Questions: Alternate-reality Altered States (1980) Back to the Future (1985)

197

Being John Malkovich (1999) Big (1988) Big Fish (2003) The Butterfly Effect (2004) Contact (1997) The Family Man (1988) Groundhog Day (1993) 122 The Kid (2000) The Matrix (1999) 63 Meet Joe Black (1998) Minority Report (2002) Mulholland Drive (2001) Open Your Eyes (in Spanish, 1997) Pleasantville (1998) Run Lola Run (in German, 1998) The Sixth Sense (1999) Sliding Doors (1998) 51 Solaris (1972 and 2002) Somewhere in Time (1980) The Thirteenth Floor (1999) The Truman Show (1998) 62 Total Recall (1990) Vanilla Sky (2001) Waking Life (2002) Philosophical Questions: Reality As Illusion Brazil (1985) Dark City (1998) The Matrix (1999) 63 The Truman Show (1998) 62 Vanilla Sky (2001) Philosophical Questions: Magic is Real Field of Dreams (1989) Magnolia (1999) Milagro Beanfield War (1988)

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198

Self-Esteem: Questioning Negative Beliefs About Yourself and Rediscovering your Strengths: Billy Elliot (2000) 110 Children of a Lesser God (1986) Dead Poets Society (1989) 106 Erin Brockovich(2000) 85 Field of Dreams (1989) The Full Monty (1997) Gattaca (1997) 87 Forrest Gump (1994) It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) Little Women (1994) Mr. Holland’s Opus (1995) 106 My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) 103 My Left Foot (1989) 79 Muriel’s Wedding (1994) 106 Nell (1994) 77 The Other Sister (1999) 77 The Paper (1994) Parenthood (1989) 108 Places in the Heart (1984) 82 Powder(1995) Rain Man (1988) Real Women Have Curves (2002) 111 Shawshank Redemption (1994) 78 Secrets and Lies(1996) Shine (1996) 80 Sliding Doors (1998) 51 The Turning Point (1977) Where the Heart Is (2000) Single Adults About Last Night (1986)

Page 198

Film Index

Beautiful Girls (1996) Me, Myself and I (1989) Reality Bites (1994) Singles (1992) Waiting to Exhale (1995) 94 Stress/Type A Personality Multiplicity (1996) Stuttering Augustin (1995) Bandits (1986) Broadway Danny Rose (1984) The Cowboys (1972) Dead Again (1991) Die Hard with a Vengeance (1995) Do the Right Thing (1989) Enjo (1958) A Family Thing (1996) First-Time Felony (1997) A Fish Called Wanda (1988) Flirting (1991) Girl Shy (1924) Glory (1989) Harlem Nights (1989) He Who Must Die (1957) Hoodlum (1997) Johnny Rocco (1958) Johns (1996) Life of Brian (1979) Love! Valour! Compassion! (1997) The Maltese Falcon (1941) The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence (1962) Meet Wally Sparks (1997) Mr. Jealousy (1997) My Cousin Vinny (1992) New Jack City (1991)

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (1977) Oscar (1991) Paulie (1998) Primal Fear (1996) Regeneration (1997) The Right Stuff (1983) Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion (1997) Shaft (1971) The Shawshank Redemption (1994) 78 Sixth Sense, The (1999) Smilla’s Feeling for Snow (1997) Smokey and the Bandit II (1980) Stalag 17 (1953) Talk to Me (1982) A Thin Line between Love and Hate (1996) Tin Pan Alley (1940) The Tumbleweed Trail (1946) Two Kourney Lemels (1966) Zerkalo (1974) Vocation, Career, Success Baby Boom (1987) Entrapment (1999) Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) 85 High Fidelity (2000) Jerry Maquire (1996) Nine to Five (1980) Salena (1997) Swimming with Sharks (1994) That Thing You Do! (1996) The Turning Point (1977) Uncommon Women and Others (2002) Working Girl (1988)

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Page 199

Film Index

Women’s Issues Circle of Friends (1995) Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) 85 How to Make an American Quilt (1995) A League of Their Own (1992) Steel Magnolias (1989) Thelma and Louise (1991) The Turning Point (1977) Working Girl (1988)

Social Questions Bureaucracy The Big Kahuna (1999) Blue Collar (1978) City Hall (1996) Clockwatchers (1997) The Coca Cola Kid (1985) The Efficiency Expert (1992) Le Mans (1971) Local Hero (1983) Network (1976) The Paper (1994) Office Space (1999) Community: The Search for American Graffiti (1973) Babe (1995) A Bug’s Life (1998) Chocolat (2000) Places in the Heart (1984) 82 The Right Stuff (1983) Tea with Mussolini (1999)

Diversity: Race/Gender/Sexual Orientation/Culture A. I. (2001) American History X (1998) Bad Boy Bubby (1993) The Balcony (1963) A Beautiful Mind (2002) 110 Bicentennial Man (1999) Blind Faith (1998) Carrington (1995) The Color Purple (1985) Cry, the Beloved Country (1995) The Defiant Ones (1958) Eve’s Bayou (1997) Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner (1967) Happiness (1998) Harvest of Fire (1996) Heaven And Earth (1990) The Human Stain (2003) Joe The King (1999) L.A. Confidential (emotional challenging, 1999) Lakota Woman — Siege at Wounded Knee (1994) Little Big Man (1970) Malcom X (1992) 108 Mississippi Masala (1991) Monsters Ball (2001) My Big Fat Greek Wedding (2002) 103 My Family (1995) Once Were Warriors (1994) Philadelphia (1993) Rabbit-Proof Fence (2002) Reflections Of The Golden Eye (1948) The Scarlet Letter ( 1979 and 1995) Second Serve (1986)

199

Secrets And Lies (2003) The Sheltering Sky (1990) Smoke Signals (1998) Ethics The Doctor (1991) Glengarry Glen Ross (1999) The Godfather ( 1972) The Green Mile (1999) It’s a Wonderful Life (1942) 89 Life of David Gale (2003) Other People’s Money (1991) Quiz Show (1994) Road to Perdition (2002) Scent of a Woman (1992) Short Cuts (1993) Working Girl (1988) Teamwork Apollo 13 (1995) Chicken Run (2000) The Dirty Dozen (1967) Hoosiers (1986) A League of Their Own (1992) Lifeboat (1944) O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000) The Princess Bride (1987) Remember the Titans (2000) Space Cowboys (2000)

Children Childhood Fears The Brave Little Toaster (1987) The Lion King (1994)

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200

Jonathan Livingston Seagull (1973) 77 Fantasies and Fears ET: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) The Boy Who Couldn’t Fly (1986) Matilda (1996) A Miracle on 34th Street (1947) My Girl (1991) Friends, Bullies and Social Life Ever After (1998) My Bodyguard (1980) Gifted Children Amadeus (1984) A Bug’s Life (1998) A Bronx Tale (1993) Ever After (1998) Fairy Tale: A True Story (1997) Little Women (1994) Searching for Bobby Fischer (1993) Star Wars (1977) Toy Story (1995)

Page 200

Film Index

Sixteen Candies (1984) Stand and Deliver (1988) Thirteen (2003) Welcome to the Dollhouse (1995) Search for Identity East of Eden (1955) Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) Fun (1994) Good Will Hunting (1997) 106 The Graduate (1967) Life as a House (2001) The Lion King (1994) October Sky (1999) Ordinary People (1980) 122 Peppermint Soda (1977, in French) Powder (1995) Rebel Without a Cause (1955) Rudy (1993) Salaam Bombay (1988, in an Indian dialect) Say Anything (1989) Stand By Me (1986) Whatever (1998) White Squall (1996) Transition to Adulthood

Adolescents Peer Relationships The Breakfast Club (1985) Hoop Dreams (1994) Little Darlings (1980) My Bodyguard (1980) Powder (1995) Rebel Without a Cause (1955)

Boyz N the Hood (1991) Breaking Away (1979) Dancer, Tx. — Pop. 81 (1998) Dirty Dancing (1987) Father of the Bride (1991) The Graduate (1967) Little Women (1994) Say Anything (1989)

Families General Accidental Tourist (1988) Adam (1991) All That Jazz (1979) Baby Boom (1987) Baby M (1988) Beaches (1988) Benny and Joon (1993) Boy With Green Hair (1948) Broadcast News (1987) The Burning Bed (1984) Call Me Anna (1990) Christmas Carol (1938) Clean and Sober (1988) Closer (2000) The Color Purple (1985) Cries From the Heart (1994, TV) Crimes of the Heart (1986) Dad (1989) Damage (1974) Darkness Before Dawn (1993, TV) David’s Mother (1994, TV) Days of Wine and Roses (1962) Dead Poets Society (1989) 106 Do You Know the Muffin Man? (1989, TV) Doctor (1963) Dollmaker (1984, TV) Drop Dead Fred (1991) Enchantment (1948) Falling Down (1993) Family of Strangers (1992, TV) Fatal Attraction (1987)

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Page 201

Film Index

For the Love of Nancy (1994) Forrest Gump (1994) Frances (1982) Gathering (1977, TV) Grand Canyon (1991) 131 Great Santini (1979) Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967) Harvey (1950) Hot Spell (1958) I Know My First Name Is Steven (1989, TV) I Never Sang for My Father (1970) I’m Dancing as Fast as I Can (1982) Immediate Family (1989) In the Best Interest of the Child (1990) It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) Jason’s Lyric (1994) Joy Luck Club (1993) Jungle Fever (1991) Karen Carpenter Story (1987) Kate’s Story (1966, TV) Long Way Home (1997) M.A.D.D.: Mothers Against Drunk Driving (1983, TV) Made in Heaven (1987) Memories of Me (1988) Memory of Us (1974) Men Don’t Tell (1993, TV) Men’s Club (1986) Mission (1986) Mommie Dearest (1981) Mr. Destiny (1990) My Name Is Bill W (1989) ‘Night, Mother (1986) Not My Kid (1985) Nuts (1987)

On Golden Pond (1981) 123 Our Very Own (1950) Parenthood (1989) 108 Postcards From the Edge (1990) Pretty in Pink (1986) Prince of Tides (1991) Rape and Marriage: The Rideout Case (1980, TV) Regarding Henry (1991) Rocket Gibraltar (1988) Ryan White Story (1989, TV) Sarah T — Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic (1975, TV) Sid and Nancy (1986) Six Weeks (1982) Sleepless in Seattle (1993) Something About Amelia (1984) The Son of the Bride (2001, in Spanish) Sophie’s Choice (1982) St. Elmo’s Fire (1985) Stanley and Iris (1990) Steel Magnolias (1989) Stella (1990) Stranger in the Family (1991, TV) Sybil (1976, TV) Taking Back My Life: The Nancy Ziegenmeyer Story (1992, TV) Tales of Manhattan (1942) That’s Life (1986) This Boy’s Life (1993) Tough Love (1985, TV) Trip to Bountiful (1985) Unspeakable Acts (1990, TV) Ultimate Betrayal (1994, TV) Under the Influence (2002)

201

What About Bob? (1991) Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962) When a Man Loves a Woman (1994) When Harry Met Sally (1989) When You Remember Me (1990, TV) Wildflower (1991, TV) Wizard of Oz (1939) Woman Under the Influence (1974) A Woman’s Tale (1991) Women of Brewster Place (1989, TV) Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (1988) Adoption/Custody after Divorce Baby Boom (1987) Color Purple (1985) Family of Strangers (1993, TV) The Good Mother (1988) Immediate Family (1989) Kramer vs. Kramer (1979) 122 Life as a House (2001) Long Way Home (1981) Losing Isaiah (1994) Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) Our Very Own (1950) The Parent Trap (1961 & 1998) Secrets and Lies (1996) Blended Families/ Step-parenting Fly Away Home (1996) Stepmom (1998) Unstrung Heroes (1995)

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202

Family Conflict American Beauty (1999) Author! Author! (1982) Beautiful Girls Before and After (1996) Big Fish (2003) Bye, Bye Love (1994) The Brothers McMullen (1994) Dancer, Tx –Pop. 81 (1998) Dancing at Lughnasa (1998) Eating (1990) Good Will Hunting (1997) 106 Hannah and Her Sisters (1986) Home for the Holidays (1995) The House of Spirits (1994) The In-Laws (1979 & 2003) The Joy Luck Club Laurel Canyon (2002) Like Water for Chocolate (1993) Little Voice (1998) Long Day’s Journey into Night (1962, 1998, & 1996) Marvin’s Room (1996) Matilda (1996) The Myth of Fingerprints (1997) On Golden Pond (1981) 123 Ordinary People (1980) 122 Pieces of April (2003) The Quiet Room (1996) Stuart Saves His Family (1994) Terms of Endearment (1983) A Thousand Acres (1997)

Film Index

Incest Angels & Insects (1995) Chinatown (1974) Close My Eyes (1991) Damage (1992) Eve’s Bayou (1997) House Of Yes (1997) La Luna (1979, in Italian / English) Murmur Of The Heart (1971) My Favorite Season (1973, in French) Something About Amelia (1984, TV) Spanking The Monkey (1994) This World, Then The Fireworks (1997) Thousand Acres (1997) Tommy (1975) Letting Go Breaking Away (1979) Catch Me If You Can (2003) Dancer, Tx. - Pop. 81 (1998) Father of the Bride (1991) Little Women (1994) A River Runs Through It (1992) Parent-Child/MentorPupil Relationships: A Bronx Tale (1993) Almost Famous (2000) The Ledgend of Bagger Vance (2000) E.T. (1982) Finding Forrester (2000) Freaky Friday (2003) Good Will Hunting (1997) 106 The Great Santini (1980)

Karate Kid (1984) To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) Kolya (in Czech and Russian, 1996) 93 League of Their Own (1992) Life as a House (2001) Life Is Beautiful (1998) 122 The Man Without A Face (1993) Mask (1985) Ma Vie en Rose (in French, 1997) The Miracle Worker (2000) October Sky (1999) Ordinary People (1980) 122 The Other Sister (1998) 77 Paper Moon (1976) Parenthood (1989) 108 Searching for Bobby Fisher (1993) Sibling Relationships Hannah and Her Sisters (1986) Marvin’s Room (1996) The Myth of Fingerprints (1997) Ordinary People (1980) 122 The Parent Trap (1961 & 1998) Rain Man (1988) Soul Food (1997) A Thousand Acres (1997) What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? (1993) Single Parents The Accidental Tourist (1988) As Good as It Gets (1997) Erin Brockovich (2000) 85 Kolya (1996)

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Page 203

Film Index

Matchstick Man (2003) Places in the Heart (1984) 82 Tender Mercies (1983) Thirteen (2003) To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) Ulee’s Gold (1997)

Couples Affairs About Adam (2000) Afterglow (1997) The Age of Innocence (1993) Alice (1990) The Bridges of Madison County (1995) The Brothers McMullen (1994) Eating (1990) Eve’s Bayou (1997) Falling in Love (1984) French Lieutenant’s Woman (1982) Hannah and Her Sisters (1986) Heartburn (1986) Icestorm (1997) Scenes from a Marriage (1973) Seduction of Joe Tynan (1979) Still of the Night (1982) Something to Talk About (1995) Two Family House (2000) Unfaithful (2002) Two Family House (2000) Unfaithful (2002) Terms of Endearment (1983) A Walk on the Moon (1999)

Choosing a Life Partner Forget Paris (1995) Me, Myself and I (2000) When Harry Met Sally (1989) Commitment About Adam (2000) About Last Night (1986) The Age of Innocence (1993) Beautiful Girls (1996) The Brothers McMullen (1994) Committed (1999) Field of Dreams (1989) Good Will Hunting (1997) 106 Great Expectations (1998) Groundhog Day (1993) 122 High Fidelity (2000) Lost in Translation (2003) The Horse Whisperer (1997) Husbands and Wives (1992) Nine Months (1995) An Officer and a Gentleman (1982) Out of Africa (1985) Shallow Hal (2001) The Story of Us (1999) Communication: An Affair of Love (1999) About Last Night (1986) The Accidental Tourist (1988) Bliss (1997) Bridges of Madison County (1995) Bridget Jones’ Diary (2001) The Brothers McMullen (1995) Committed (2000)

203

The Doctor (1991) Erin Brockovich (2000) 85 Eyes Wide Shut (1999) The Family Man (2000) The Four Seasons (1981) Grand Canyon (1991) 131 Husbands and Wives (1992) He Said, She Said (1991) The Horse Whisperer (1998) 81 Jerry Maguire (1996) Lantana (2001) Moonstruck (1987) Mr. and Mrs. Bridge (1990) Mystery Alaska (1999) Nine Months (1995) The Opposite of Sex (1998) Out of Africa (1985) The Piano (1993) Sense and Sensibility (1995) Scenes from a Marriage (1973) Shirley Valentine (1989) The Story of Us (1999) Tender Mercies (1983) Two Family House (2000) Unbreakable (2000) Waiting to Exhale (1995) A Walk on the Moon (1999) What’s Eating Gilbert Grape (1993) When a Man Loves a Woman (1994) When Harry met Sally (1989) You Can Count on Me (2000) Conflict/Negotiation The Accidental Tourist (1988) Breaking Up (1997) Groundhog Day (1993) 122

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204

He Said, She Said (1991) Ordinary People (1980) 122 The Story of Us (1999) The War of the Roses (1989) What’s Love Got To Do With It? (1993) Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966) Divorce The Accidental Tourist (1988) Author! Author! (1982) Bye Bye Love (1984) Carnal Knowledge (1971) Damage (1992) Falling Down (1993) First Wives Club (1996) Good Mother (1988) Husbands and Wives (1992) Kramer vs. Kramer (1979) 122 Mrs Doubtfire (1993) Pay It Forward (2000) Prince of Tides (1991) Scenes from a Marriage (1973) Shirley Valentine (1989) Starting Over (1979) Tales of Manhattan (1942) An Unmarried Woman (1978) The War of the Roses (1989) Way We Were (1973) Nontraditional Relationships Bound (1996) Far From Heaven (2002) Harold and Maude (1971) The Hours (2002) Love! Valor! Compassion! (1996) Monster’s Ball (2002)

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Film Index

Philadelphia (1993) Renewed Intimacy The Accidental Tourist (1988) Enchanted April (1992) The Four Seasons (1981) Pleasantville (1998) Shakespeare in Love (1998) The Story of Us (1999) Tender Mercies (1983) Romantic Love About Last Night (1986) An Affair to Remember (1957) An Officer and a Gentleman (1957) Beauty and the Beast (1983 & 1991) Benny and Joon (1993) Big Chill (1983) Breakfast Club (1985) Broadcast News (1987) Carnal Knowledge (1971) Chantilly Lace (1993) Closer (1991) Damage (1992) Defending Your Life (1991) Made in Heaven (1987) Memory of Us (1974) Monsoon Wedding (2002) Moonstruck (1987) Mr. Destiny (1990) Mr. Jones (1993) 9 1/2 Weeks (1986) Pretty in Pink (1986) Pretty Woman (1990) Prince of Tides (1991) Room with a View (1986) Same Time Next Year (1976) Sarah, Plain And Tall (1991)

Shakespeare in Love (1998) Sid and Nancy (1986) Six Weeks (1982) Sleepless in Seattle (1993) When Harry Met Sally (1989) Sex/Sexuality About Last Night (1986) Big Chill (1983) Boys in the Band (1970) Carnal Knowledge (1971) Chantilly Lace (1993) Damage (1992) Eyes Wide Shut (1999) Fatal Attraction (1980) Four Seasons (1981) Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1977) He Said, She Said (1991) Henry & June (1990) Hot Spell (1958) Jungle Fever, (1991 Lady Sings the Blues (1972) Less Than Zero (1987) Looking for Mister Goodbar (1977) Men’s Club (1986) Morning After (1986) 9 1/2 Weeks (1986) Paris Is Burning (1991) Play Misty for Me (1971) Prince of Tides (1991) Rapture (1991) Same Time Next Year (1978) Sid and Nancy (1986) Shirley Valentine (1989) Summer of ‘42 (1971) Tales of Manhattan (1942) Torch Song Trilogy (1988) Whore (1991)

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Page 205

Film Index

Women of Brewster Place (1989) Working Girl (1988) Spousal Abuse The Apostle (1997) Bastard out of Carolina (1996) Color Purple (1985) Dolores Claiborne (1995) The Prince of Tides (1991) Rape and Marriage (1980) Sid and Nancy (1986) What’s Love Got to Do With It? (1993) Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (1966) Widowhood Message in a Bottle (1998) Places in the Heart (1984) 82 Shadowlands (1993) Strangers in Good Company (1991) Truly, Madly, Deeply (1991)

Symptoms of Mental Illness and Addiction Addiction: Alcohol Accused (1996) Affliction (1997) The African Queen (1951) All That Jazz (1979) Arthur (1981) A Star Is Born (1937, 1954, & 1976) As You Desire Me (1932) Barfly (1987) The Boost (1988)

The Boxer (1997) Bright Lights, Big City (1988) Call Me Anna (1990) Carnal Knowledge (1971) Clean and Sober (1988) The Color Purple (1985) Come Back Little Sheba (1952) Come Fill The Cup (1951) The Country Girl (1954) The Cracker Factory (1979, TV) Darkness Before Dawn (1993, TV) Days Of Wine & Roses (1962) Drugstore Cowboy (1989) Drunks (1997) Family of Strangers (1993, TV) Fat City (1972) Fisher King (1991) Frances (1982) Harvey (1950) Henry Fool (1997) Hoosiers (1986) Hot Spell (1958) The Ice Storm (1997) In the Best Interest of the Child (1990) Ironweed (1987) Jason’s Lyric (1994) Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling (1986) Jungle Fever (1991) The Lady Sings The Blues (1972) Leaving Las Vegas (1995) Less Than Zero (1987) Life of the Party: The Pamela Harriman Story (1998, TV)

205

Long Day’s Journey Into Night (1962) Looking for Mister Goodbar (1977) The Lost Weekend (1945) M.A.D.D.: Mothers Against Drunk Driving (1983, TV) The Magic Toy Maker (1915) Man With the Golden Arm (1955) Men Don’t Tell (1993, TV) Morning After (2003) My Left Foot (1989) 123 My Name Is Bill W (1989, TV) Naked Lunch (1991) The Night Of The Iguana (1964) Not My Kid (1985) Once Were Warriors (1994) One Too Many (1950) Paris, Texas (1984) Sarah T: Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic (1975, TV) Postcards From the Edge (1990) Prince of Tides (1991) Rapture (1993, TV) Shattered Spirits (1986) Sid and Nancy (1986) Smoke Signals (1998) Sophie’s Choice (1982) St. Elmo’s Fire (1985) Stella (1990) Sybil (1976, TV) The Story of Beatrice (1982, TV) Tales of Manhattan (1942) Tender Mercies (1983) Terms of Endearment (1983) Thelma and Louise (1991) This Boys Life (1993)

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206

Toughlove (1985) Trees Lounge - 1996 Ultimate Betrayal (1999, TV) Under the Influence (2002) Under The Volcano (1984) The Verdict (1982) When a Man Loves a Woman (1994) Whore (1991) Addiction: Alcohol, Women Days Of Wine & Roses (1967) I’ll Cry Tomorrow (1955) Key Largo (1948) Lady Sings The Blues (1972) Life Of The Party: The Story Of Beatrice (1982) The Lonely Passion Of Judith Hearne (1987) Morning After (1986) Mrs. Parker And The Vicious Circle (1994) Only When I Laugh (1981) Smash-Up, The Story Of A Woman (1947) Sweet Bird Of Youth (1962) Under Capricorn (1949) When A Man Loves A Woman (1994) Addiction: Drugs 28 Days (2000) All that Jazz (1979) Bad Boys (1995) Basketball Diaries (1995) Basquiat (1996) Bird (1988) Blue Velvet (1986) The Boost (1988) Breakfast Club (1985) Bright Lights, Big City (1988)

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Film Index

Call Me Anna (1990) Clean and Sober (1988) Closer (2000) The Color Purple (1985) Crumb (1994) Darkness Before Dawn (1993, TV) The Days of Wine and Roses (1962) Dream With The Fishes (1997) Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (2002) Drugstore Cowboy (1989) Ed Wood (1994) Fisher King (1991) Frances (1982) Goodfellas (1990) A Hatful Of Rain (1957) The Ice Storm (1997) I’m Dancing as Fast as I Can (1982) In the Best Interest of the Child (1990) Jason’s Lyric (1994) Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling (1986) Jungle Fever (1991) L.A. Confidential (1997) Lady Sings the Blues (1972) Less Than Zero (1987) Life of the Party: The Story of Beatrice (1982) Looking for Mr. Goodbar (1977) The Man With The Golden Arm (1955) Naked Lunch (1991) Nico Icon (1995) Not My Kid (1985) Nutty Professor (1996)

Panic In Needle Park (1971) Postcards from the Edge (1990) Reefer Madness & The Cocaine Fiends (1936) Reservoir Dogs (1992) Sid And Nancy (1986) Sweet Bird Of Youth (1962) Sweet Nothing (1996) Toughlove (1985) Trainspotting (1996) True Romance (1993) What’s Love Got To Do With It (1993) Who’ll Stop The Rain (1978) Whore (1991) Wizard of Oz (1939) Yellow Contraband (1928) Addiction: Drugs, Women Christiane F. (1981) I’m Dancing As Fast As I Can (1982) Lady Sings The Blues (1972) Long Day’s Journey Into Night (1962) Teenage Devil Doll (1954) Veronika Voss (1982) Addiction: Gambling The Gambler (1974) Great Sinner (1949) Hard Eight (1997) Addiction: Multiple Substances Bad Lieutenant (1992) The Betty Ford Story (1987) Born On The Fourth Of July (1989) Clean And Sober (1988)

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Citizen Ruth (1996) Drugstore Cowboy (1989) Georgia (1995) Postcards From The Edge (1991) The Rose (1979) Vital Signs (1986) Alzheimer’s Disease Do You Remember Love? (1984) Iris (2001) My Girl (1991) On Golden Pond (1981) 123 Amnesia Dead Again (1991) Identity Unknown (1945) Married To a Stranger (1997, TV) Mister Buddwing (1966) Murder in Mind (1997) Possessed (2000) The Seventh Veil (1946) Singing in the Dark (1956) The Snake Pit (1948) Spellbound (1945) Stranger in the Family (1991, TV) Suddenly, Last Summer (1959) Virtual Stranger, A (1996, TV) Autism Backstreet Dreams (1990) The Boy Who Could Fly (1986) Cries From The Heart (1994, TV) Rain Man (1988)

Bipolar Disorder Call Me Anna (1990, TV) Girl, Interrupted (1999) Mommie Dearest (1981) Mr. Jones (1993) Vincent & Theo (1900 Woman Under The Influence (1974) Borderline Traits/Borderline Personality Disorder After Hours (1985) Fatal Attraction (1980) Frances (1982) The Hand That Rocks The Cradle (1992) Looking For Mr. Goodbar (1977) Play Misty For Me (1971) Single White Female (1992) Conduct Disorders This Boy’s Life (1993) Thirteen (2003) Conversion Behavior/ Conversion Disorder Captain Newman, M.D. (1963) Freud, The Secret Passion (1963) Home Of The Brave (1949) Let There Be Light (1946) The Piano (1993) Persona (1966) The Secret Of Dr. Kildare (1939) Sorry, Wrong Number (1948 & 1989) Tommy (1975)

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Dependent Traits/Dependent Personality Disorder Blue Velvet (1986) The Night Porter (1973) Depression Alone In The T-Shirt Zone (1986) Death In Small Doses (1995) Eraserhead (1976) Harold And Maude (1971) King Of Marvin Gardens (1972) Ironweed (1987) The Last Picture Show (1971) Modern Times (1936) Natural Enemies (1979) Ordinary People (1980) Repulsion (1965) Seventh Veil (1946) The Shrike (1999) The Slender Thread (1965) Unstrung Heroes (1995) Whose Life Is It Anyway (1981) The Wrong Man (1956) Dissociative Disorders Color Of Night (1994) The Dark Mirror (1946) Dressed To Kill (1980) Lizzie (1957) Loose Cannons (1990) Norma Jean & Marilyn (1996) Primal Fear (1996) Raising Cain (1992) Sisters (1973) Sybil (1976) Three Faces Of Eve (1957)

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Voices Within — The Lives Of Truddi Chase (1990, TV) Zelig (1983)

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Horse Feathers (1932) The Mosquito Coast (1986) Mental Institutions

Eating Disorders The Best Little Girl In The World (1981) Eating (1990) Fried Green Tomatoes (1991) 85 Katie’s Secret (1886, TV) What’s Eating Gilbert Gape? (1993) Gender Identity Disorder Ma Vie en Rose (in French, 1997) Histrionic Traits/Histrionic Personality Disorder Gone With The Wind (1939) Long Day’s Journey Into Night (1988 & 1996) Streetcar Named Desire (1951, 1984 & 1995) Sunset Boulevard (1950) Hypochondriasis Hannah & Her Sisters (1986) Send Me No Flowers (1964) Up In Arms (1944) Kleptomania Marnie (1964) Mania Blue Sky (1994) Captain Newman, M.D. (1963) Good Morning Vietnam (1987)

Awakenings (1990) Beautiful Dreamers — 19th Century (1992) Bedlam (1945) The Butcher Boy (1997) The Caretakers (1963) Girl, Interrupted (1999) Chattahoochee (1990) Committed (1991) Frances (19820 The Keepers (1976) Lost Angels (1982) One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest (1975) Pressure Point (1962) Shock Corridor (1963) Shock Treatment (1964) Snake Pit (1948) Mental Retardation Best Boy (1980) Bill (1981, TV) Bill, On His Own (1983, TV) The Boys Next Door (1997) Charly (1968) Dominick And Eugene (1988) I Am Sam (2001) 111 Of Mice And Men (1992) The Other Sister (1999) Sling Blade (1996) To Kill A Mockingbird (1962) What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? (1993)

Narcissistic Traits/Narcissistic Personality Disorder Alfie (1966) American Gigolo (1980) Boogie Nights (1997) Citizen Kane (1941) Lawrence Of Arabia (1962) Patton (1969) Shampoo (1975) Sunset Boulevard (1950) Narcolepsy My Own Private Idaho (1992) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder/Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder As Good As It Gets (1997) Baby Boom (1987) Breaking The Waves (1996) Carrington (1995) Copycat (1995) Educating Rita (1983) The End Of Innocence (1990) Frances (1982) Holy Smoke (1999) House Of Games (1987) Heaven And Earth (1993) Joe The King (1999) Matchstick Man (2003) The Odd Couple (1968) The Odd Couple II (1997) Pelican Brief (1993) The Sheltering Sky (1990) Three Colors Blue (1993) Paranoia/Paranoid Personality Disorder The Caine Mutiny (1954)

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Film Index

The Conservation (1974) Conspiracy Theory (1997) Toto Le Heros (1991) The Treasure Of Sierra Madre (1948) Twelve Monkeys (1995) Pedophilia Butcher Boy (1997) Happiness (1998) Lolita (1968 & 1998) The Mark (1961) Pretty Baby (1978) Short Eyes (1977) Phobia: Arachnophobia Raiders Of The Lost Ark (1981) Phobia: Agoraphobia Inside Out (1987) Lunatics: A Love Story (2000) In Person (1935)

Death and the Maiden (1995) Deer Hunter (1978) Distant Thunder (1988) Dolores Claiborne (1995) Down Came a Blackbird (1995) Extremities (1986) Fearless (1993) Home Of The Brave (1949) House Of Cards (1992) I’ll Be Seeing You (1944) Last Exit To Brooklyn (1989) The Manchurian Candidate (1962) Mary Reilly (1996) 147 Midnight Cowboy (1969) Mystic River (2003) Ordinary People (1980) 122 Pawnbroker (1965) Saving Private Ryan (1999) Slaughterhouse Five (1972) Three Women (1977) Twelve O’ Clock High (1949) Who’ll Stop The Rain (1978)

Phobia: Vertigo Vertigo (1958) Phobia: Social The Station Agent (2003) Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Accused (1988) Affliction (1997) Beloved (1998) Birdy (1955) Born On The Fourth Of July (1989) Bringing Out the Dead (1999) Cease Fire (1985) Chattahoochee (1990)

Psychopathic/Antisocial Personality Disorder Albino Alligator (1996) Apartment Zero (1988) Badlands (1973) The Boston Strangler (1968) The Bad Seed (1956 & 1985) Cape Fear (1962 & 1991) The China Lake Murders (1989) Clay Pigeons (1998) Clockwork Orange (1971) Cobra (1986) Compulsion (1959) Con Air (1997)

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Copycat (1995) Criminal Law (1989) Cruising (1980) The Deliberate Stranger (1986) The Executioner’s Song (1982) Face/Off (1997) Frenzy (1972) Five Corners (1987) The Hand That Rocks The Cradle (1992) Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer (1986) In Cold Blood (1967) In the Cut (2003) Kalifornia (1993) Kiss The Girls (1997) Platoon (1986) Leave Her To Heaven (1945) M (1931) Manhunter (1986) Monster (2004) Murder By Numbers (1989 & 2002) Night Of The Hunter (1955) Out Of The Darkness (1996) Peeping Tom (1960) Pulp Fiction (1994) Rampage (1992) Reservoir Dogs (1992) Road to Perdition (2002) Rope (1948) The Sea Wolf (1941) Seven (1995) Silence Of The Lambs (1991) Strangers On A Train (1951) Swoon (1992) White Heat (1949) The Young Prisoner’s Handbook (1995)

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210

Psychotic Disorders Birdy (1955) Camille Claudel (1989) Housekeeping (1987) Misery (1990) Repulsion (1965) The River Wild (1994) Scissors (1991) Shine (1996) 80 Taxi Driver (1976) The Tenant (1976) Through A Glass Darkly (1961, in Swedish) Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf? (1966) Rehabilitation Nobody’s Child (1979, TV) Out On The Edge (1989) She’s Been Away (1989) Schizophrenia Angel At My Table (1990) Benny & Joon (1993) A Beautiful Mind (2002) 110 Birdy (1955) Clean, Shaven (1995) David & Lisa (1962) Don Juan de Marco (1995) The Fisher King (1991) I Never Promised You A Rose Garden (1977) Images (1972) Lunatics: A Love Story (1991) Lust For Life (1956) Outrageous (1977) Pi (1998) Possessed (1947, 2000, TV) Promise (1995) The Ruling Class (1972)

Film Index

Saint Of Fort Washington (1993) Shine (1996) 80 Shock Corridor (1963) Strange Voices (1987, TV) Sweetie (1990) Through A Glass Darkly (1961) Wednesday’s Child (1999, TV) Sexual Addiction Auto Focus (2002) Basic Instinct (1992) Disclosure (1994) Fatal Attraction (1987) The Man Who Loved Women (1977) Unfaithful (2002) 9 1/2 Weeks (1986) Suicide Dead Poets Society (1989) 106 Hannah And Her Sisters (1986) The Locket (2002) The Hours (2002) The New Centurions (1972) The Slender Thread (1965) What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? (1993) Whose Life Is It Anyway? (1981)

Physical Illness/Medical Issues General All That Jazz (1979) Beaches (1988)

Boy With Green Hair (1948) Dad (1990) David’s Mother (1994) Duet for One (1986) First Do No Harm (1997) For the Love of Nancy (1994) Ironweed (1987) Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling (1986) My Breast (1994, TV) My Name Is Bill W (1989) Rapture (1965) Ryan White Story (1989, TV) Six Weeks (1982) Steel Magnolias (1989) Stranger in the Family (1991) Talk to Her (2002, in Spanish) That’s Life (1986) When You Remember Me (1990) Wildflower (2002) Woman’s Tale (1992) AIDS Absolutely Positive (1990) Alive and Kicking (1996) An Early Frost (1995) Peter’s Friends (1992) Philadelphia (1993) Blindness 23 Paces to Baker Street (1956) 80 Steps to Jonah (1969) Cancer The American Friend (1977) Angel on My Shoulder (1997) Dying Young (1991) Life as a House (2001)

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Film Index

Stepmom (1998) Deafness Adada (1989 ) Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1953) Children of a Lesser God (1986) What the Deaf Man Heard (1997) Disabilities The Miracle Worker (1962) My Left Foot (1989) 123 Passion Fish (1992) The Waterdance (1992)

Beauty and the Beast (1946) The Elephant Man (1980) Mask (1994) Stuck on You (2003) Dwarfism The Adventures of Baron Munchhausen (1988) The Ballad of the Sad Café (1991) The Station Agent (2003) Limb & Spinal 23 Paces to Baker Street (1956) Polio and Post-Polio

Disfigurement The Ballad of the Sad Café (1991)

The Affair (1973) The Ape (1940)

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Severe Illness Bang the Drum Slowly (1973) Lorenzo’s Oil (1993) Terms of Endearment (1983) Whose Life Is It Anyway? (1981) Traumatic Brain Injury Memento (2000) Regarding Henry (1994)

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I would like to acknowledge and thank all those whose work contributed to this index. It draws from many sources, including the books Rent Two Films and Let’s Talk in the Morning by John W. Hesley & Jan G. Hesley, Reel Therapy: How Movies Inspire You to Overcome Life’s Problems, and Motion Picture Prescription: Watch this Movie and Call Me in the Morning by Gary Solomon. It also incorporates workshop handouts from Movies and the Mythic Imagination by Jonathan Young as well as certain film titles from the Web sites Pathology and Cinema and Films Involving Disability. I also thank members of the Movie Therapy online discussion group GATEM for their suggestions.

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Endnotes Introduction 1. James Hillman, Healing Fiction (Barrytown, NY: Station Hill, 1983). 2. Marsha Sinetar, Reel Power: Spiritual Growth Through Film (Ligouri, MO: Triumph Books, 1993).

1. Basic Discoveries 1. Jeremy Taylor, Where People Fly and Water Runs Uphill: Using Dreams to Tap the Wisdom of the Unconscious (New York: Warner Books, 1993). 2. Norman Cousin, Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient (New York: Norton, 1979), p. 39.

2. How Movies Support Healing and Transformation 1. Christopher Volger, The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers (Studio City, CA: Michael Wiese Productions, 1998), p. 13. 2. Cathie Glenn Sturdevant, The Laugh & Cry Movie Guide: Using Movies to Help Yourself Through Life’s Changes (Larkspur, CA: Lightspheres, 1998), pp. 33-44.

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3. Charles Tart, States of Consciousness (New York: E. P. Dutton, 1977), pp. 14-16. 4. Carol A. Bush, Healing Imagery and Music: Pathways to the Inner Self (Portland, OR: Rudra Press, 1995), p. 32. 5. Howard Gardner, Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences (New York: Basic Books, 1993) and Howard Gardner, Multiple Intelligences: The Theory in Practice (New York: Basic Books, 1993). 6. Cathie Glenn Sturdevant, pp. 27-32.

3. Watching Movies With Conscious Awareness 1. Roger Walsh, Essential Spirituality: The 7 Central Practices to Awaken Heart and Mind (New York: John Wiley & Sons, 1999), p. 178. 2. Daniel Goleman, (narrator) et al., Destructive Emotions: How Can We Overcome Them?: A Scientific Collaboration With the Dalai Lama (New York: Bantam Dell, 2003). 3. Roger Walsh, p. 214. 4. Marsha Sinetar, p. 133. 5. These suggestions are partially derived from Marsha Sinetar, pp. 131-135.

4. Using Movies to Release Negative Beliefs 1. Mathew McKay; Patrick Fanning, Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000), pp. 152-158. McKay and Fanning describe these personal factors and call them “screen inputs.” 2. Morty Lefkoe, Re-create Your Life: Transforming Yourself and Your World with the Decision Maker Process (Kansas City, MO: Andrews and McMeel, a Universal Press Syndicate Company, 1997).

6. Building Self-esteem 1. Ernest Isaacs, Taming the Inner Critic, The Therapist (September/October 1997): 57-59.

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Endnotes

7. Grief and Transformation 1. Howard J. Lunche, Understanding Grief: A Guide for the Bereaved (Berkeley, CA: SVL Press, 1999), p. 1.

9. Self-discovery Through Film Characters — The Self Matrix 1. Robert Bly, The Long Bag We Drag Behind Us, in Connie Zweig, Meeting the Shadow: The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature (Los Angeles: Jeremy P. Tarcher, 1991), pp. 612. 2. _______ A Little Book on the Human Shadow (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1992). 3. Robert Bly in Connie Zweig, p. 9.

10. Powerful Tools for Healing and Growth — The Growth Matrix 1. Shakti Gawain, Creative Visualization: Use the Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want (Novato, CA: New World Library, 2002), p. 52. 2. Tara Bach, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha (New York: Bantam Dell, 2003), pp. 274-277. 3. Byron Brown, Soul Without Shame (Boston: Shambhala, 1999), pp. 245-286.

11. Creating a Cinema Therapy Group 1. Jeremy Taylor, Where People Fly and Water Runs Uphill: Using Dreams to Tap the Wisdom of the Unconscious (New York: Warner Books, 1993), pp. 263-283.

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Bibliography Bach, Tara. Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha. New York: Bantam Dell, 2003. Bly, Robert. A Little Book on the Human Shadow. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco; Reissue edition, 1992. Brown, Byron. Soul Without Shame. Boston: Shambhala, 1999. Burns, David D. The Feeling Good Handbook. New York: Plume, 1999. Bush, Carol A. Healing Imagery and Music: Pathways to the Inner Self. Portland, OR: Rudra Press, 1995. Campbell, Joseph. The Power of Myth. New York: Doubleday, 1988. Carddock, Jim (editor). Videohound’s Golden Movie Retriever. Farmington Hills, MI: Thomson Gale, 2003. Condon, Thomas. Enneagram Movie & Video Guide: How to See Personality Styles in the Movies. Portland, OR: Metamorphous Press, 1999. Cousins, Norman. Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient. New York: Norton, 1979. Engstrom, Fritz. Movie Clips for Creative Mental Health Education. Plainview, NY: Wellness Reproduction & Publishing, 2004. Flanders, Linda. Hollywood Endings And How To Get One. Coral Springs, FL: Llumina Press, 2003. Foster, L.H. Cinematherapy in the Schools. Chi Sigma Iota Exemplar, 16 (3), 8, 1989. Gabbard, Glenn O.; Gabbard, Krin. Psychiatry and the Cinema. London, England: American Psychiatric Press, 1999.

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Gabbard, Glenn O. Psychoanalysis & Film. London, England: H. Karnac, 2001. Gabbard, Glenn O. The Psychology of The Sopranos: Love, Death, Desire, and Betrayal in America’s Favorite Gangster Family. New York: Basic Books, 2002. Galipeu, Steven A. The Journey of Luke Skywalker: An Analysis of Modern Myth and Symbol. Chicago, IL: Open Court, 2001. Gardner, Howard. Frames of Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences. New York: Basic Books, 1993. Gardner, Howard. Multiple Intelligences: The Theory in Practice. New York: Basic Books, 1993. Gawain, Shakti, Creative Visualization: Use the Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want. Novato, CA: New World Library, 2002. Gendlin, Eugene T. Focusing. New York: Bantam Books, 1982. Goleman, Daniel (narrator) et al. Destructive Emotions: How Can We Overcome Them?: A Scientific Collaboration With the Dalai Lama. New York: Bantam Dell, 2003. Harry, B. Movies and Behavior Among Hospitalized, Mentally Disordered Offenders. In: Bulletin of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law 11, no. 4, 359-364, 1983. Hauke, Christopher; Alister, Ian. Jung & Film: Post Jungian Takes on the Moving Image. New York: Brunner/Mazel, 2001. Henderson, Mary. Star Wars: The Magic of Myths. New York: Bantam Books, 1997. Hesley, John W.; Hesley, Jan G. Rent Two Films and Let’s Talk in the Morning: Using Popular Movies in Psychotherapy. New York: John Wiley & Sons, 2001. Hill, Geoffrey Michael. Illuminating Shadows: The Mythic Power of Film. Boston: Shambhala, 1992. Hillman, James. Healing Fiction. Barrytown, NY: Station Hill, 1983. Hockley, Luke. Cinematic Projections: The Analytical Psychology of C. G. Jung and Film Theory. Luton, The Netherlands: University of Luton Press, 2001. Horenstein, Maryann; Rigby, Brenda; Flory, Marorie; Gershwin, Vicky. Reel Life/Real Life: A Video Guide for Personal Discovery. Kendall Park, NJ: Fourth Write Press, 1994. Hudock, M.A; Warden. S.A.G. Using Movies to Teach Family Systems Concepts. In: Family Journal Counseling and Therapy for Couples and Families. 9 (2), 116-121, 2001. Iaccino, James F. Psychological Reflections on Cinematic Terror: Jungian Archetypes in Horror Films. Westport, CT: Praeger, 1994.

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______. Jungian Reflections Within the Cinema: a Psychological Analysis of Sci-fi and Fantasy Archetypes. Westport, CT: Praeger, 1998. Isaacs, Ernest. Taming the Inner critic. In: The Therapist. 9/10, 57-59, 1997. Kalm, Michael. The Healing Movie Book — Precious Images: The Healing Use of Movies in Psychotherapy. Morrisville, NC: Lulu Enterprises, 2004. Lefkoe, Morty. Re-create Your Life: Transforming Yourself and Your World with the Decision Maker Process. Kansas City, MO: Andrews and McMeel, a Universal Press Syndicate Company, 1997. Lunche, Howard J. Understanding Grief: A Guide for the Bereaved. Berkeley. CA: SVL Press, 1999. Madison, Ronald J.; Schmidt, Corey. Talking pictures: A Parent’s Guide to Using Movies to Discuss Ethics, Values, and Everyday Problems with Children. Philadelphia, PA: Running Press 2001. McKay, Mathew; Fanning, Patrick. Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000. Minow, Newton. The Movie Mom’s Guide to Family Movies. New York: Avon Books, 1999. Mitry, Jean; translated by Christopher King. The Aesthetics and Psychology of the Cinema. Bloomington, IN: Indiana University Press, 2000. Peske, Nancy; Beverly West. Cinematherapy: The Girl’s Guide to Movies For Every Mood. New York: Dell, 1999. ______. Advanced Cinematherapy: The Girl’s Guide To Finding Happiness One Movie at a Time. New York: Dell, 2002. ______. Cinematherapy for Lovers: The Girl’s Guide To Finding True Love One Movie at a Time. New York: Delta, 2003. ______. Cinematherapy for the Soul: The Girl’s Guide Finding Inspiration One Movie at a Time. New York: Delta, 2004. Simon, Stephen. The Force Is with You. Charlottesville, VA: Hampton Roads, 2002. Sloane, Stephen B. Organizations in the Movies: The Legend of the Dysfunctional System. Lanham, MD: University Press of America, 2002. Sinetar, Marsha. Reel Power: Spiritual Growth Through Film. Ligouri, MO: Triumph Books, 1993. Solomon, Gary. The Motion Picture Prescription. Santa Rosa, CA: Aslan Publishing, 1995.

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Solomon, Gary. Reel Therapy: How Movies Inspire You to Overcome Life’s Problems. New York: Lebhar-Friedman Books, 2001. Sturdevant, Cathie Glenn. The Laugh & Cry Movie Guide: Using Movies to Help Yourself Through Life’s Changes. Larkspur, CA: Lightspheres, 1998. Tarkovsky, Andrey (author); Kitty Hunter-Blair (translator). Sculpting in Time: Reflections on the Cinema: The Great Russian Filmmaker Discusses His Art. Austin TX: University of Texas Press, 1989. Tart, Charles. States of Consciousness. New York: E. P. Dutton, 1977. Taylor, Jeremy. Where People Fly and Water Runs Uphill: Using Dreams to Tap the Wisdom of the Unconscious. New York: Warner Books, 1993. Teague, Raymond. Reel Spirit: A Guide to Movies That Inspire, Explore and Empower. Unity Village, MO: Unity House, 2000. Tolle, Eckhart. Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Novato, CA: New World Library, 1999. Tyler, J.M.; Reynolds, T. Using Feature Films to Teach Group Counseling. Journal for Specialists in Group Work, 23 (1), 7-15, 1998. Tyson, L; Foster, L; Jones, C. The Process of Cinematherapy as a Therapeutic Intervention. The Alabama Counseling Association Journal, 26 (1), 35-41, 2000. Ulus, Fuat. Movie Therapy, Moving Therapy: The Healing Power of Film Clips in the Therapeutic Settings. Victoria, B.C., Canada, Trafford Publishing, 2003. Volger, Christopher. The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers. Studio City, CA: Michael Wiese Productions, 1998. Von Franz, Marie-Louise. Archetypal Themes in Fairy Tales. Boston: Sigo Press, 1981. Voytilla, Stuart. Myth and the Movies: Discovering the Mythic Structure of 50 Unforgettable Films. Studio City, CA: Michael Wiese Productions, 1999. Walsh, Roger. Essential Spirituality: The 7 Central Practices to Awaken Heart and Mind. New York: John Wiley & Sons, 1999. Wedding, Danny and M. Boyd. Movies & Mental Illness: Using Films to Understand Psychopathology. New York: McGraw Hill Higher Education, 1998. Zweig, Connie; Abrams, Jeremiah (editors). Meeting the Shadow: The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature. Los Angeles: Jeremy P. Tarcher, 1991.

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