Tabula Rasa

Tabula Rasa

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher. Tabula Rasa TOP SHELF An imprint of Torquere Press Publishers PO Box 2545 Round Rock, TX 78680 Copyright 2007 Tory Temple

Cover illustration by Alessia Brio Published with permission ISBN: 978-1-60370-197-6, 1-60370-197-4 www.torquerepress.com All rights reserved, which includes the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever except as provided by the U.S. Copyright Law. For information address Torquere Press. Inc., PO Box 2545, Round Rock, TX 78680. First Torquere Press Printing: November 2007 Printed in the USA

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Tory Temple

For K.F.,

who was there.

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Tabula Rasa

One tabula rasa (Latin, n.): 1. the mind before it receives the impressions gained from experience. 2. a need or an opportunity to start from the beginning. 3. (literal translation) blank slate.

The rope whipped through the air and landed almost exactly where it was supposed to. Teagan held his breath and tightened his fingers on the fence while he watched it slide up the back legs of the calf. “He’s got it! … Fuck, no, he don’t.” Bram rolled his eyes and snorted with disgust. “How in holy fuck is it so fucking hard to find a decent heeler? Jesus.” He pushed away from the fence that surrounded the practice ring. “I’m gonna go smoke.” Teagan sighed and watched the cowboy in the ring leap off his horse. He had only gotten one of the calf’s rear legs, not both, and it took the man about four seconds to figure it out once he was down in the dirt with the animal. Joe threw Teagan a look from under the brim of his hat and dismounted. He strolled to the steer and lifted the rope he’d tossed around the cow’s front horns. Teagan watched Joe spit a stream of tobacco juice into the dirt as he coiled his rope. “Five second penalty,” he said to the cowboy, who was examining his own rope as if it was to blame for his mistake. “Can’t afford that.” “Lemme try again?” The cowboy squinted up at Joe, a hopeful note in his voice. Joe glanced at Teagan. Teagan shook his head. “Nope,” Joe said, walking back to Stormy and mounting up again. “That was your third time, boy. Close is only good in horseshoes, sorry.” He waited until the steer was back on its feet before wheeling Stormy around and heading for the barn. The cowboy still sat there in the dust, discouraged. Teagan had a momentary flash of sympathy. He’d been there, once. Fifteen years ago, to be sure, but still. He didn’t have time for this shit now, not when qualifying rounds were in two weeks. “Sorry.” Teagan sighed and waited, hoping the kid would get to his feet. The boy shrugged and got up, slapping at his jeans. “I fucked up. Ain’t no call for you to be sorry.” He mounted his horse and looked down at Teagan. “Hope you find your heeler.” Teagan watched him leave the ring and scrubbed a hand over his face. It sounded so damn easy. He tried not to curse Stubby again, but the man couldn’t have broken his ankle at a more inconvenient time. It wasn’t that uncommon for a team roper to also participate in solo rodeo events such as calf roping or steer wrestling, but Stubby liked the saddle broncs. The last one hadn’t liked him, however, and had promptly 4

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stepped on Stubby’s ankle three days ago during practice. Now, Teagan was stuck with trying to find a heeler that he could compete with in the upcoming rodeo season. It was harder than it sounded. He lifted his head and watched the young cowboy ride off down the lane, tiny puffs of dust kicking up under his horse’s feet. Fuck. He’d come highly recommended, too. Chet Dawson had given Teagan the kid’s name. Reminding himself to call Chet and ask him what the fuck he’d been thinking, Teagan pushed off from the wooden fence and headed toward the house. It was looking like rain, in any case. Good enough excuse to stop for the day. The smell of Lori’s beef stew wafted over him as soon as he walked in the door. Teagan followed the succulent smell of onions and meat to the kitchen, stomach rumbling. “Loribeth,” he said as soon as he stepped into the room, “might as well just set two bowls down in front of me to start off, ‘cause you know I’m gonna want seconds.” “Hat,” Lori answered absently, chopping parsley and throwing it into the pot. Teagan sighed and hung his Stetson on the hat rack. No use telling her he was reaching for it anyway; she’d just give her long-suffering sigh and not believe him. “Yes, ma’am.” “Any luck, baby?” Lori peered into her pot as Teagan washed up at the sink. He shook his head and grimaced. “Sorriest excuses for ropers you ever did see. What the fu--the heck was Chet thinking, sending that kid over this way? And he was the best of the bunch, too.” Teagan sat down heavily in a chair and pulled up to the table. He rested his forehead on the heels of his hands and closed his eyes. “We’re screwed.” Lori clucked at his choice of language but didn’t disagree. “You’ll find someone, sweetheart. Plenty of cowboys in Wyoming.” “True. But it seems there’s a shortage of heelers.” Teagan groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. “We need the money, Lor. Could try it solo, but that’s just chasing clouds, you know? Ain’t so good when I go it alone. More money if I find a good partner.” “I know, baby.” She sat in her usual place across from Teagan and began eating her stew. Teagan glanced up at Lori, noting the silver strands in her dark hair. She was nearing sixty now, but didn’t look a day older than she’d been when Teagan’s father had married her fourteen years ago. It had been a good match, and although Teagan had been a young, rough-and-tumble cowboy of only twenty-four back then, even he knew that anything was better than watching his father grieve for Teagan’s dead mother. When Teagan’s father had passed away last year, there was no question of Lori staying in the house, although Teagan’s father’s will had never been changed to reflect Lori as the new owner. The house belonged to Teagan, but he was gone nearly seven months out of the year anyway, traveling the circuit. The few weeks that he and Lori shared the house were quiet and filled with a mutual silent mourning for Alexander Rafferty. Teagan finished his dinner and dutifully took his plate to the sink. “Gonna go ride for a few, Lor.” “Rain coming, honey. Take a coat.”

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Teagan nodded and grabbed his duster and hat from the coat rack, heading out the back door and down the porch steps. He noted the yellow paint was peeling off the porch railing. Maybe Joe could get at it tomorrow. The rich, red dirt was soft under Teagan’s boots and he stomped a couple of times on the cement floor of the barn. The building was warmer than the outside air and heavy with the smell of hay and animals. Two horses turned their heads in Teagan’s direction with a small whicker. He passed a hand over their velvety noses as he walked by their stalls. “Forgot carrots. Sorry.” Tagalong snorted at him when Teagan opened the stall door, pushing his nose into Teagan’s jacket and looking for the cubes of sugar that were usually in the left pocket. The horse snorted again when he didn’t find any, but still hung his head low enough for Teagan to scratch between his ears. “Good boy, Tag,” he murmured to the horse, heaving his saddle from the wall. He took Tag out the rear entrance of the barn and skirted the practice rings. The second horse barn stood still and quiet to his right. There hadn’t been horses in it since the year before Alexander had died, and the number in the small barn was dwindling as well. Teagan wondered just how long they could go on calling The Sliding A a horse ranch before it became… just a ranch. The Sliding A had been giving riding lessons and breeding horses for as long as Teagan had been alive. His father had started his ranch from the ground up, building his stables until they were full of strong, hard working quarter horses. Teagan had ridden every horse in the barn by the time he was nine, was helping give lessons when he was twelve, and assisting his father and the vet with foaling before he was fifteen. To think that the A could be turned over to someone who didn’t love the land like Teagan did was an insult to his father’s memory. The thought was depressing. Tag sensed Teagan’s mood and shifted uneasily, dancing to the side and then back again until Teagan squeezed his thighs and gave Tag permission to start an easy lope. The horse took off immediately, heading toward the riding trail that snaked through the cottonwood trees and came out on the other side of the creek. Teagan had a moment of wishing for autumn just so he could ride among the brilliant, yellow-colored leaves that the cottonwoods displayed. The rain started about ten minutes later. Neither horse nor rider cared. Teagan let Tagalong splash delightedly through mud puddles and pulled his hat lower on his forehead, watching as rain dripped from the battered brim to splash on the horse’s reins. When they reached the rushing creek, Tag dropped his head to drink. Teagan looked around his father’s land. It held the best of the Wyoming landscape: red dirt roads, wellpacked down by horses’ hooves. Gently sloping valleys that alternated between dry scrub and green grass. Glimpses through the trees that afforded a peek at the Grand Tetons mountain range. At the moment, his surroundings were shrouded in the mist that had crept in with the weather, lending a ghostly appearance to the trees. Teagan didn’t wonder how a place that he only called home for five months out of the year had become so ingrained in him. It was home, simple as that, and there was no way he was going to lose his father’s horses. This had better be one fucking sweet rodeo season. Rodeo season. Another one. Jesus Christ. Teagan shook his head and watched Tag drink the frigid water. He wasn’t old by roping standards. The average age of team ropers was usually around thirty-eight, so with his fortieth birthday just around the corner, Teagan knew he was hardly the old man of the bunch. And Tag was in fine shape; the horse was only seven years old and by far the finest header horse Teagan had ever trained.

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But some mornings… man. Some mornings Teagan’s back hurt and his shoulder ached and Teagan felt like he was nearing eighty, not forty. He wondered what the hell else there was to do for an aging rodeo rider, considering his father’s ranch wasn’t turning any kind of profit. He sighed again and pulled Tag’s head around. No use sitting here in the rain getting melancholy when he could be using the indoor ring to practice roping. The rain started down in heavier sheets as Teagan led Tag into the barn. The horse stood quietly as Tag dried him off and threw a warm blanket over his rump. “Night, baby,” Teagan whispered to his horse, and received an affectionate nuzzle in return. As he headed back up to the house, Teagan tried not to think about the fact that it was the most affection he’d seen in three months, and his own hand didn’t count. It was easy enough to find a warm body and willing mouth while on the circuit. Teagan had lost track of the times he’d wound up pressed to the wall in some cowboy’s trailer or on his back on a motel room bed. But he’d been home for nearly twelve weeks with nothing to satisfy him except a quick jerk before he got out of bed in the morning. That shit got old fast. Teagan knew it wouldn’t be long before the rowdy bars down the road started calling to him, and that was a problem in itself. Man could get in trouble down there. Teagan pushed the thought away as he hung his hat and duster on their hooks in the kitchen, sliding the small, cheery throw rug underneath them to catch the drips. Lori would have his ass if he messed up her clean floors. It wasn’t late, only just past seven p.m., but Teagan knew Loribeth was already in bed. She’d be up by five for her morning ride on Lightfoot, and after that she’d be in the barn with Joe and Bram, getting the horses ready for the day. Teagan’s father had chosen well when he’d married Lori. The woman was definitely not afraid of hard work, and she cooked a mean pot pie to boot. Teagan crossed the upstairs hallway to his bedroom, instinctively avoiding the spots in the floor that creaked. As soon as he opened the door, a thumping tail could be heard. Teagan grinned. “Corner,” Teagan said to Rowdy, but the dog didn’t even lift his graying muzzle from the bedspread. That earned Rowdy a sympathetic pat on the head as Teagan stripped out of his damp jeans and shirt. “Gettin’ old, pup.” He kicked his dirty clothes in the direction of the laundry basket. “You and me both.” The mirror over Teagan’s dresser caught his reflection and Teagan paused for the briefest of moments, considering himself. He turned away before his gaze could do more than light on his face for a moment. Teagan didn’t need the mirror to tell him his eyes were a regular old brown. He was taller than average, that much he knew. It was rare for Teagan to have to look up to another man when speaking. His jeans still fit after all this time, and he supposed his stomach was flat enough. All the roping and riding counteracted Lori’s apple fritters. Arms were pretty okay. Throwing rope was a better workout than any weights could give him. There was nothing remarkable about him, Teagan supposed, and that really didn’t matter much one way or the other. He could still throw rope, and he intended to do it for at least four more rodeo seasons, God willing. As long as he could find a decent heeler to back him up. He padded into the bathroom and turned on the shower, not waiting for the water to heat before stepping under the spray. The cool water hit his already chilled skin and gooseflesh rose in big bumps, but Teagan didn’t care. He liked cold showers better than hot ones, especially during the off-season when there was no ready cowboy to fuck. Cold water went a long way in calming him down. 7

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It didn’t make much sense, then, that his cock lifted and filled when Teagan reached for the soap. The water was taking its sweet time in warming up, but his cock didn’t seem to mind and remained half-hard while Teagan scrubbed at his hair. He could feel the soap bubbles running down over his back and ass, and shamelessly spread his legs so he could feel the suds run down his crack. Hey, if he was in charge of his own pleasure, might as well take it where he could find it. A tiny dab of hair conditioner was all he needed for lube. Teagan leaned a shoulder against the tile and used one hand to lift and weigh his balls, while the other hand smoothed the slippery conditioner along his shaft. His cock twitched beneath his fingers and warmed immediately. Another small dollop of conditioner to coat two fingers, and then Teagan was reaching back behind himself to tease his hole. When the old pipes finally gave in and began spraying hot water down, Teagan arched his neck and breached himself. The hand holding his dick squeezed and stroked while he searched for his prostate with the other. He barely noticed when he lifted a leg to brace on the edge of the tub and give himself more access to his gland. Faster, from root to tip, Teagan kept his head thrown back and his eyes squeezed shut. It was there, his orgasm hovered and teased and threatened to spill out before he was ready, but Teagan took a breath and forced it back. It felt too good to end it so soon, and shit, at his age, getting it up again would be at least a thirty-minute wait. And yet, despite wanting to wait, he crooked the two fingers inside his ass and rubbed at his prostate. His other hand tightened on his cock and he flicked a thumb across the head, and then there it was. A shivering, shaking rush, and Teagan was coming, his spunk making white ribbons on the off-white tile and dripping to the floor of the tub. He stayed up as best he could while trying to stroke himself through it, but when the last wave had died off, Teagan slid to the hard porcelain floor of the tub and leaned his head against the wall. When his fingers began to wrinkle and the water turned cool once more, Teagan heaved himself to his feet and shut off the tap. He reached for a towel and dried quickly, then pulled on clean jeans and his oldest, most faded flannel. Teagan went back down the steps and paused in his path to the kitchen. His awards case was in the hallway, buckles and plaques winking in the dim light. Most of them were just top ten finisher awards, but there were one or two that were third place or higher. Teagan’s gaze lingered on those, remembering the steers that had been caught up between his and Stubby’s ropes. Dark fell just as he was heading down the back steps toward the hands’ house. Only three of them lived there now, since no more than that was needed to care for the fifteen or so horses that were left on the ranch. Teagan had reluctantly let four others go last year after discovering what kind of debt his father had left the ranch in. The three he’d kept were as close to family as any he was going to get, now that his parents were both gone, and Teagan often found himself in their kitchen after dinner. They kept the fridge stocked with his favorite beer, in any case, so Teagan figured he owed it to them to show up once in a while and drink some. Bram was waiting for him when Teagan knocked once on the back door. “Don’t gotta knock,” Bram snorted, just like he said every time Teagan came by. “Own the damn place now, don’tcha?” Teagan shrugged. “I don’t live here,” he replied, and took the bottle Bram handed him. Bram watched Teagan sit down at the table before taking a pull of his own beer and pushing himself up to sit on the counter. “Gotta find a heeler,” Bram mused, as if it hadn’t occurred to Teagan at all. 8

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Teagan rubbed a hand over his face and slouched lower in the chair. “Yeah. If I can’t find one by Friday, I’ll start practicing solo roping.” “Ain’t so good on your own,” Bram pointed out. “Your best time last season was eighteen seconds. Stu Miller did it in twelve last year at Jackson Hole.” “Well, Christ, Bram! What the goddamn hell am I supposed to do? Dad left me in the red and we need the money, or else I have to sell more horses!” Teagan knew Bram was only speaking the truth in the direct way he always did, but still. Teagan’s hands were kind of tied at the moment, and the thought of selling off even more of the horses that he’d helped raise and train was like a dull, constant ache. “Now, you settle your feathers, Teagan. I know all that. Shoot, man. You think I don’t want to find someone as bad as you do? All of us are in the same boat. You, me, Joe, and Wade. None of us want to get kicked out in the cold.” Bram sounded impassive, though Teagan knew he was anything but. “Rodeo Days are starting,” Teagan mumbled, resting his arms on the table and dropping his head to them. “I’ll head out to the Brass Spur tomorrow and see what cowboys are in town. Maybe I can poach a heeler.” “Won’t win you no friends,” Bram laughed, opening his second bottle of beer. “But do what you gotta do. We’ll bring ‘em back here and train ‘em up right.” “Two weeks to go,” Teagan groaned, closing his eyes. “Jesus Christ.” Bram made a sympathetic noise and slid off the counter. “Here,” he said, and Teagan heard the thunk of another bottle being set down near his head. “Drown your troubles, boyo. Don’t gotta drive nowhere.” Bram left the kitchen and Teagan heard the television being turned on. Teagan groaned and stood up, taking the bottle with him. He moved into the spacious living room and dropped into the closest armchair. Wade lifted his own bottle in greeting and Bram flipped channels until something with John Wayne and a lot of shooting caught his attention, so Teagan just leaned his head back and pretended to watch. He’d seen this one, anyway. Ninety minutes and two more beers later, Teagan had to admit he’d had enough of both booze and the Duke. “Night, boys,” he said with a wave, receiving grunts and chin-lifts in return. It might be spring, but the Wyoming night air still had a nip to it and Teagan wrapped his arms around himself as he hurried across the yard. He glanced toward the horse barn and saw the familiar yellow light burning through the windows. Joe must be on bedtime rounds. Teagan locked the kitchen door behind him and stopped to check the front door as well before heading upstairs to his bedroom. Rowdy was still in the same place at the foot of Teagan’s bed. Teagan’s approach warranted a tail thump, though, making Teagan smile and drop a hand to the dog’s grizzled head. “Corner,” Teagan tried, seeing if Rowdy would obey. Rowdy just looked up at Teagan without lifting his head, creating a sorrowful expression. Teagan snorted and shucked his clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor before climbing between crisp sheets. He heard Rowdy sigh. “Rowdy,” Teagan murmured, patting the bedspread. “Here, pup.” The dog got up immediately, if a bit stiffly, and crept to Teagan’s side. He lay back down with a snuffle and Teagan rested a hand on Rowdy’s warm back. “Don’t tell anyone I share my bed with a dog,” Teagan said to the ceiling. “That might ruin my rough-tough image. Then I’d never get a heeler. Or laid.” 9

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Another thump of Rowdy’s tail was all the answer Teagan got. Teagan’s fingers tightened in Rowdy’s fur and he took comfort in the slow, steady beat of the dog’s heart. He lay there for a long time in the dark, watching the moon move shadows on his wall.

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Two

Teagan slipped quietly into the Brass Spur and found a spot in the corner of the bar. The bartender looked up and gave a sign that he knew Teagan was there, but Teagan could see he was waist-deep in thirsty cowboys. Prepared to wait, Teagan reached out and grabbed a cocktail straw to chew on. Rodeo riders filled the bar, leaving marks with their boots on the sawdust-covered floor. Rodeo Days in Pine Bluffs was actually a lead-in to rodeo season, the week when the cowboys poured into town and looked for a good time before… well, before the rodeos started and there was even more of a good time. The music was loud through the scratchy speakers. Teagan wished he’d gone to Saddle Rack instead; at least they had live bands. The Brass Spur was more popular, though, and Teagan wasn’t here for the atmosphere. He was here to talk and find out what he could. Cowboys were good at gossip, and drunk cowboys were even better. The fact that he could easily find someone to go home with tonight wasn’t a priority, but Teagan wasn’t discounting anything at this point. “Rafferty!” Teagan looked over his shoulder when he heard his name being shouted above the crowd. Dusty and Devin Young grinned at him from a corner booth. Oh, man, there was no way he was turning that invitation down. Especially since they had a pitcher of beer on the table and what looked like a bottle of Wild Turkey. Teagan pushed off the bar and made his way through the crowd, sliding into the booth and leaning both elbows on the table. “Hey, y’all.” Teagan grinned at Dusty, sitting opposite of him, and then looked over at Devin. “Thought you two were going down to El Paso. That’s what I heard.” Devin shook his head. “We were gonna. But El Paso would’ve taken us too far south to make it back up here. And me and Dusty don’t miss Rodeo Days.” He punctuated his statement with a lifting of his eyebrows and a half-smile, letting one dimple flash in his cheek. “Nope,” Dusty echoed, agreeing with his older brother. “We don’t miss Rodeo Days.” Teagan smiled at both of them. How well he knew. The Young brothers were known all around for their enjoyment of the week-long festivities. Teagan had actually experienced that enjoyment first-hand. “El Paso would’ve been boring.” “Most likely,” Devin nodded, giving Teagan the eye. “You ain’t there, in any case.” Oh, getting laid was looking like more of a sure thing every minute. Teagan cleared his throat and shifted slightly in his seat. His cock hadn’t forgotten the two nights he’d spent last year with the Young brothers, and it felt like it was asking for a repeat performance. Christ, the things Dusty had done with his mouth… Teagan blinked and yanked his mind back to what he’d come here for in the first place. If the boys had information for him, he needed to get that first.

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“So,” he said, glancing around the bar that was getting more and more crowded. “Hear about Stubby?” Both boys clucked their tongues and made sympathetic noises. “Tough,” Devin said, sighing, and Dusty nodded. “What’re you gonna do?” Dusty asked, pouring out a shot of bourbon for Teagan and nudging the glass over. “Gotta go solo, huh?” “I don’t want to go solo,” he said, tossing back the liquor and grimacing against the burn. “I’m not good solo. I’m an average wrestler, I’m a fucking good header. If I can get a decent heeler, then we’re winning this goddamn season.” He stopped himself from adding “God willing” to the end. No reason to spread the word that Alexander Rafferty’s kid was letting his ranch go under. Devin nodded and perused the cowboys standing at the bar. “Jason Waite’s not gonna wrestle steer this year. Says he’s gonna ride bull. Could ask him and see if he’ll team with you; he knows how to throw rope, at least.” It was better than nothing, so Teagan made a mental note. Jason was young but decent. It could be something, although bull riders tended to be a little full of themselves, depending on how many buckle bunnies were waiting outside their trailer for them. Teagan snorted. Thank Christ he didn’t have to worry about that kind of distraction. Fucking guys was much less complicated. “Anyone else?” he asked, but before either of the boys could answer him, there was a commotion at the bar and all three of them looked over. Fights were common during Rodeo Days. Too many men drinking too much alcohol and thinking way too much of themselves often led to name-calling and flying fists. Teagan had been in one or two scuffles himself, but the older he got, the more he managed to avoid it. Fighting was for the cowboys who didn’t think they had anything to lose. He craned his neck, trying to see if he knew who was involved. Dusty stood up in the booth to see. “Oh, man,” he said quietly. He looked at Teagan and Devin. “Cash Whitmore.” The name meant nothing to Teagan, but Devin raised an eyebrow. “No shit?” “Who the hell is that?” Teagan asked, still trying to see. “Cassius Clay Whitmore,” Devin answered, shoving at Teagan’s shoulder. “Get out; I want a quick path to the door if the cops come.” “Cassius Clay? Like… Muhammad Ali before he changed his name? His parents seriously named him that?” Teagan moved out of the booth and let Devin slide out after him. “He goes by Cash for a reason,” Dusty laughed. “Don’t make fun of his name to his face, unless you wantooh, that.” Dusty winced and Teagan looked over in time to see a tall cowboy getting a very solid right cross to his cheek. Teagan still couldn’t see who’d thrown the punch. Dusty and Devin were edging toward the door. “Hey,” Teagan protested, torn between wanting to go with them and staying to see what other names he could scout up. “Come on, Teag,” Dusty urged. “The cops are gonna come, sure enough. Come on back to me and Dev’s room. We’ll… get caught up on stuff.” His eyes twinkled. 12

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Teagan glanced over at the bar again. There were shouts and curses now and the tall cowboy who’d been hit was being held back by two others. The crowd seemed centered on the one who’d done the punching, and Teagan could tell there were others there who would need no encouragement at all to start hitting. Dusty was right, the cops were going to be called for sure. “Teagan!” Devin was shifting from foot to foot and glancing back at him. “Come on, man. You comin’ with us or not?” The crowd parted slightly and Teagan caught a flash of white-blond hair over a ruddy-cheeked cowboy who’d obviously had plenty to drink. “What room?” Teagan asked Devin, eyes on the bar. “240,” Devin answered, just before disappearing into the crowd. “Don’t get yourself banged up, Teag. Would hate for you not to be able to participate.” He winked and was gone, and Teagan’s cock gave an answering twitch. This better not take long. Teagan pushed his way through the crowd that was growing more mob-like by the minute. The shouts were angry and although there were the usual boys who were trying to keep the fighters apart, most of the crowd seemed ready for a scuffle. It wouldn’t be Rodeo Days without one. Or ten. He elbowed a very drunk man out of his way, ignoring the mumbled protest, and finally made it to the center of the circus. The cowboy that Devin had called Cash wasn’t sober by any means, but he was far less bombed than the man facing off against him. Teagan recognized Don Schaffer, a seasoned bronc rider. “Hey, Donny,” Teagan said easily, stepping just slightly in front of Cash. It wouldn’t do for Teagan to piss Don off; the guy had a fast temper and a faster punch. “Got a problem?” “Get outta the way, Rafferty.” Don was already slurring, not a good sign. “You’re in the way of my problem.” Teagan glanced very briefly over his shoulder at Cash. Eyes that were--blue? Green? Teagan couldn’t see in the dim light, but somewhere his mind registered a mix of both-- stared back at him, none too pleased. That was fine, Cash didn’t have to be pleased. He just had to not get hit. Unfortunately, as soon as Teagan turned back around to try and make nice with Don, Don had apparently decided it didn’t matter who got hit. Teagan got a hard right cross that glanced off his cheek and made his ears ring. “I said move!” Don shouted at Teagan, who was shaking his head and trying to clear his vision. “… you goddamn queer.” This last was muttered just loud enough for Teagan to catch, along with Cash, who had brought up his hands automatically to steady Teagan. It got a little hazy after that. Don’s punch opened the floodgates and the bar erupted in noise and shouts and flying fists. Teagan lost track of Cash in the melee. The only thing Teagan was actually concerned about was trying to get to the door, since he knew the police had already been called. Getting arrested was the last thing he could handle right now. His cheek throbbed from the first punch and his vision was blurry in his left eye from another fist someone had sent flying. Teagan was just grateful no one had gone for his mouth; he’d already had two teeth replaced where a steer had kicked him. Of course, it wasn’t really what Teagan would call an organized fight. He reached the side door of the bar and took a moment to look back. It was more of just random arms and legs and curses than an actual fight, but Teagan didn’t care. He was getting tired of Rodeo Days and they hadn’t 13

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even started. Teagan pushed the side door open and staggered out into the fresh night air. It was a welcome change after the staleness of the bar, and he leaned against the side of the building to clear his head. He hadn’t seen Cash since the start of the fight and Teagan snorted. That’s what Teagan got for being an idiot and stepping up to defend a guy he didn’t even know. No one ever returned favors like that, and now Teagan had a nice bruise on his cheek and what was probably going to be a real pretty shiner. Fuck. He should have gone with Dusty and Devin. Teagan spat into the dirt at his feet and pushed off the wall, waiting to see if he was going to weave or could actually stand up straight. When nothing went too tilty, he nodded to himself and started to walk. There was no reason he still couldn’t go to their room, was there? They’d told him not to get too banged up, but Teagan figured he was still in working order. His cock gave an involuntary leap, and Teagan laughed at himself. Parts of him were, anyway. Might as well go make himself feel better, and hopefully, get coddled a little while he was at it. Teagan avoided the rearview mirror as he drove because he didn’t want to see what his face looked like. No doubt Lori would want to tan his hide for fighting, even though he hadn’t, really. Or hadn’t planned on it, at least. The parking lot of the motel was full, but Teagan managed to find a space near the back and climbed the stairs to the second floor of the building. It was just a short stroll to room 240 and Teagan rapped twice on the door, anticipation making him shift from foot to foot. Dusty opened it, laughing. “I win. Dev said twenty minutes, I said fifteen… whoa. Come here.” He grabbed Teagan’s arm and hauled him inside, peering at his face. Dusty whistled softly through his teeth. “Dang, Teag. Your eye’s swelling shut.” He’d figured it was. Things were getting a little blurry on that side. “Don’t matter,” Teagan shrugged. “Wasn’t gonna win any beauty contests anyhow.” “Aw, don’t you give me that crap, Rafferty.” Dusty grinned at him cheerfully, though his eyes were worried. “Me and Dev don’t mess around with the ugly ones.” Teagan tried to laugh but the movement pulled at the tight skin on his cheek and so he just winced instead. “Yeah, bet I look real pretty now.” Devin wandered out of the bathroom, bare-chested and sporting old, faded jeans riding low on his hips. “Hey, smart man, Teagan. Knew you wouldn’t leave me and Dusty hanging.” He dropped the towel he was using to dry his hair and looked up. “Oh, jeeze.” Devin joined Dusty in leading Teagan to sit carefully on the edge of the bed. “I’m okay,” Teagan said, but not quite brushing them off as they fussed over him. The attention felt too good. “Ouch, Dusty. That’s my eyeball, stop poking at it.” Dusty made a disapproving noise with his tongue and moved to the ice bucket on the table. He took out several cubes and wrapped them in the towel Devin had discarded, bringing the bundle back to the bed and holding it gently to Teagan’s eye. “Can’t do much for the bruise on your cheek, baby. But this’ll keep the swelling down on your eye.” Teagan sighed and nodded, feeling all the tension drain out of him. Devin crawled up behind him on the bed and knelt there, placing his hands gently on Teagan’s shoulders and kneading the tight muscle. “Relax, 14

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sweetheart,” Devin murmured, leaning down to nuzzle at Teagan’s nape while he rubbed his shoulders. “Let me and Dusty make you feel good, all right?” It was exactly what he’d planned on. Teagan nodded and closed his eyes, hanging his head forward while Dusty held the ice to his face and stroked his hair with the other hand. Devin was squeezing and using his thumbs on sore, tired muscles, and Teagan felt himself settle down even more. “Yeah, okay,” he mumbled. Devin’s warm, bare chest brushed against Teagan’s back. Teagan realized he still had on his own shirt, so he began fumbling with the buttons as Dusty urged him back to lie on the bed. The ice-filled towel dropped off the side and then there were two other sets of hands working at Teagan’s buttons and zippers and boots. Teagan’s aches and pains faded in the face of the gentle assault the two men waged on his body. He’d never had any complaints when he played with Dusty and Devin; the two of them knew what the hell they were doing with their mouths, tongues, and cocks. And having both of them at once was just double the pleasure. His boots got pulled off and his clothes vanished. Teagan lay on his back and closed his eyes as both men found places and spots on his body to lick and touch. His dick was responding nicely to the loving, and Teagan didn’t have to look down to know that there was probably a minute drop of crystal fluid at the tip. He moaned a little when he felt Dusty’s mouth on his hip and shifted a little in that direction, asking. Dusty grinned against Teagan’s skin and Devin chuckled. “Let him have it, Dust. Don’t tease the guy, he was in a fight.” Teagan made a strangled noise of agreement. “God, please.” His fingers gathered up the bedspread and then let it go. “Oh, fine,” Dusty smiled, and then Teagan’s cock was in Dusty’s mouth and Teagan cried out. “Shit!” Teagan exclaimed, not ready for it. He clenched the bedspread in his fists again and drew up a leg, planting his foot and steeling himself against the attack. Dusty took his time licking and nuzzling and playing with Teagan’s balls before taking both hands and pushing Teagan’s legs back. Then there was more tasting and playing and little, hard sucks just at the head of Teagan’s cock. It made Teagan insane and he wasted no time in being vocal about that, whimpering and growling and trying to twist around far enough to get Dusty to swallow him. Devin rid himself of his jeans and slid down to press against Teagan’s side. Teagan could feel Devin’s cock, thick and heavy and hard, and blindly reached out a hand, seeking. Devin complied easily, groaning when Teagan slid a hand around his shaft. Teagan squeezed, feeling the warm skin and the velvety head. “Devin,” he whispered, opening his eyes. “Kiss me.” Devin leaned up and buried his tongue in Teagan’s mouth at the same time Dusty decided to stop fooling around and swallow Teagan’s prick to the hilt. Teagan bucked up and cried out into Devin’s mouth, their teeth clashing and tongues stroking and rubbing. Dusty let Teagan thrust as much as he wanted, so Teagan took full advantage and began fucking the man’s mouth while trying to do a fairly decent job of stroking Devin off. Devin’s groans and twitches indicated that Teagan wasn’t doing too bad of a job, so he continued the short, tight strokes and tried not to fly into a million pieces. Not until Dusty was finished, in any case. When he began sliding in and out of Dusty’s mouth like it had been lubed, Teagan knew he was close. “Dusty,” he warned, trying to hold off because that would make it better but God, the man knew how to 15

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suck dick. “Dusty. Gonna.” Teagan felt Dusty grin around his cock and then there was pressure and suction and heat, and Dusty was fucking swallowing Teagan, all the way to the back of his throat. It was too much, and with a prayer that Devin was close too, Teagan arched his back and screamed as he came. He could feel Devin shuddering next to him and then there was sticky warmth on Teagan’s palm and hip. Teagan gasped and tried to draw air into his lungs, but then Dusty was crawling up his body and whispering in his ear. “Can I fuck you?” he breathed, leaning down for a kiss. Teagan tasted his own spunk on Dusty’s tongue and he moaned a little, nodding. Dusty was gone for a fraction of a second and Teagan heard the rip of foil. Then Dusty was back and Devin was curling around Teagan, watching his brother slick Teagan with two lubed fingers. “Condom’s lubed,” Dusty panted, and breached Teagan with the blunt head of his cock. “Ohhh, man, that’s pretty,” Devin murmured, snuggling against Teagan, and Teagan had to agree. Dusty’s chest gleamed with a light sheen of sweat and his cock felt huge inside Teagan’s ass as he thrust. Dusty propped himself up on his arms and changed his angle, finding Teagan’s prostate without even trying. His cock gave an interested twitch, but Teagan knew he wasn’t getting it up again anytime in the next ten minutes. It still felt damn good, though, and he dropped his head back and groaned to the ceiling to let Dusty know. Dusty grunted in answer and slammed his hips down hard, taking what he needed, and Teagan clenched his ass muscles on the downstroke. “OhGodlikethat,” Dusty gasped, his strokes faltering just a little. Teagan smiled and did it once more before spreading his legs and opening up for Dusty. Devin made an appreciative sound and curled in tighter to Teagan’s side. “Teagan…” Dusty whimpered and tightened his fingers on Teagan’s hips. “Now!” he yelled, jerking up hard against Teagan’s ass, and Teagan felt Dusty’s prick throb deeply inside him. There was a warm pile of men on the bed for a long time. Teagan forgot about his aching cheek and throbbing eye in the aftermath of sex, which he was sure had been the boys’ intent, but it was still nice. It was just nice to be with someone else. There was a round of showers that resulted in shared handjobs and a lot of kissing. Teagan leaned one shoulder against the tile and watched Dusty and Devin trading kisses and strokes and touches, and then they were all tumbling into bed together, hair still damp from the shower. “Night, Teag,” Dusty mumbled into his neck, one arm flung over Teagan’s chest. Devin was already snoring softly on Teagan’s other side, his back pressed up against Teagan’s ribs. “Night, Dust,” Teagan said softly, blinking at the ceiling. It was a long time before Teagan felt himself grow drowsy, and the last coherent thought he had was of blond hair and angry, flashing, turquoise eyes.

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Three

Teagan dragged himself home at seven the next morning feeling like ass. The bruise on his cheek had deepened to a nice reddish-purple, to say nothing of the mess that his eye was. If Teagan hadn’t had plenty of shiners in his day, he’d think he was going blind or something the way it throbbed and clouded his vision. There was no way on God’s green earth he was getting past Loribeth’s keen eye, so he took a deep breath, cowboy’d up, and walked straight into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee.

The room was silent as Lori stared at him. “Sit down, Teagan,” she finally said, and Teagan grimaced at her

tone, but obeyed.

“It’s worse than it looks.” Lame answer.

“What it looks like is that you were fighting. And I don’t give a damn how old you are, Teagan Rafferty.

You’re not too old for me to tell you that your daddy would be disappointed as all get-out. Honestly,

Teagan!” She threw her hands in the air and then brought them down to plant firmly on her hips.

She was the closest thing he still had to a momma. Teagan hung his head like he was five years old and

looked up at her from under his lashes. “Wasn’t fighting,” he mumbled.

“You ran into someone’s fist, then.” Her eyebrow nearly touched her hairline.

“Sort of,” he admitted. “Look, Lor, I really wasn’t fighting. I was trying to break one up, actually.”

“Mmm.” She was clearly not giving an inch. “Between…?”

“Don Schaeffer and… some guy named Cash.” Teagan rolled the name around on his tongue and decided he

liked how it sounded.

“Cash.” Lori looked thoughtful. “Cash. Not Cassius Whitmore, is it?”

He looked up at her quickly. “Yeah. That’s what Dusty said.”

Lori sat down heavily in the opposite chair. “Cash Whitmore’s roping steer this year?”

Teagan frowned at her. “First of all, I don’t know what kind of rodeo he rides. Second of all, how the hell

does everyone know this guy and I don’t?”

Loribeth sipped her coffee and examined the inside of her mug. “You haven’t been around to know him,”

she said simply. “He hasn’t ridden here in years. And the last time he did ride here, you were… down

south.” Her reluctance to look at him said exactly what she thought of the year and a half that Teagan had

spent in Mexico.

It hadn’t been a shining time in his life, Teagan admitted silently. It had been two decades ago, but the

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memory of being drunk for eighteen months and riding the charreada rodeo would stay with him forever. He didn’t blame Lori for the disapproving looks she sent his way whenever the subject came up. Luckily, it didn’t come up too often. “Okay, so I was in Mexico. How do you know him?” Teagan knew Lori made a point of not getting involved with the rodeo cowboys that dotted the Wyoming landscape and rode in and out of town with alarming frequency. “His daddy and I were involved,” she said primly, and Teagan blinked. “You were what?” “Oh, it was before Alexander.” She dismissed his shocked tone with a wave. “Really, Teagan. Like I would be unfaithful to your father?” “I… didn’t say that,” Teagan answered, staring at her. Loribeth was attractive, but somehow he’d just never thought of her with anyone else before his daddy. She snorted and took another swallow of her coffee. “Luke Whitmore and I dated. Cassius’ mother had left when he was very young; I think Luke was looking for a mommy for that boy.” “How old was he?” Teagan had visions of an eight-year-old Cash with those same blue-green eyes. “Oh, probably twenty or so.” Lori raised an eyebrow at him and sipped from her mug. “Way past needing a momma, I’ll tell you that. But the boy was wild. Luke probably thought I’d have some kind of calming influence.” She snorted and finished her coffee before looking up at Teagan. “Cash Whitmore didn’t need calming. He needed a spanking, and I don’t care if he was five years old or twenty. That boy needed someone to take him in hand.” I’d like to. The unbidden thought that flashed through Teagan’s head before he could stop it. Something must have shown on his face, because Lori tightened her mouth and rose from the table. “He’s the reason I didn’t marry Luke.” Lori moved to the sink and began to wash the breakfast dishes. “Of course, I met your father a year later, so I suppose I should thank him for that. But Cash Whitmore’s never going to be on my good list, Teagan.” She didn’t seem inclined to say more. Teagan didn’t want to push her, not with her back ramrod-straight and the dishes making angry noises in the sink. He still didn’t have much more information than he’d started with, though. “Hey, Lor?” he said thoughtfully. “Yes?” “Does the guy ride bull, or what?” It would make a difference. “He used to. Then he got hurt. Now he ropes steer.” She didn’t offer anything else about Cash’s injury. “Solo?” The dishes made a clattering sound and Lori turned around to face him. “Teagan Rafferty. I know you need a heeler. I am only going to say this one time, and then you won’t hear any more from me.” She took a deep breath and pinned him with a stare. “Don’t you go waking snakes. Cassius Whitmore is trouble. No good can come of a partnership with him, no matter what kind.” 18

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Teagan studied her. “But you’re not going to tell me anything else?” Lori narrowed her gaze. “Seems like a double-edged sword. If I tell you, you’ll run out to see if I’m right. If I don’t tell you, you’ll run out to find out everything you can.” Teagan wouldn’t lie to her and say she was wrong, so he just shrugged and dropped his gaze to the table. “Need a heeler, Lor. If he’s good, we can win and you and me don’t lose this goddamn ranch. If he ain’t good, I’ll find out soon enough. I don’t really give a shit what he did before he came back to Pine Bluffs. If he can rope steer, that’s all I care about.” Lori’s mouth thinned into a narrow line. “All right,” she said, and turned back around to finish the dishes. He sighed and rose from his chair. “I’m sorry, Lor. Are you gonna be mad at dinnertime, or should I go down to Tiffy’s Place for dinner?” “There’ll be food on the table, Teagan. There always is.” But she wouldn’t turn around. Teagan nodded. “Okay.” He thought for a minute about touching her back to see if she would relent and hug him, then thought better of it and went to take a shower instead. The hot water stung his eye but felt fantastic on the rest of his body. He’d woken up in the middle of the night to Dusty and Devin cuddling up to either side of him, which was fine in itself, but then both of them started a slow grind that Teagan was helpless to resist. He’d wound up with streaks of come on his chest and back that were only now being rinsed away. Lori was gone when Teagan got himself dressed again and made it downstairs. He believed her when she’d said there would be dinner on the table for him, but Teagan made a mental note to stop in town and pick her up some flowers. He wasn’t exactly sure what for, but she’d made it plain she was unhappy about his intent to track down Cash. Tracking him down was the tricky part, though. If the man was in town for Rodeo Days, there were any number of places he could be. If the cowboys weren’t on their horses or running practice drills, they were probably sleeping in preparation for another night’s partying. Cash could be anywhere. Teagan knew that some of the bull riders usually went out to the local rodeo company to check out the stock. Lori had said Cash didn’t ride bull anymore, but sometimes the bronc riders or steer ropers would go to check out the bulls too. They would all lean on the fences and shoot the crap with each other and pretend to be friendly, but what they were really doing was scoping out their competition. He shrugged and slid behind the wheel of his truck. It was somewhere to start, at least. Otherwise, Teagan would have to resort to cruising the bars again until he either found the man or knew someone who could. There were two main companies in town that were responsible for hauling and shipping bulls to rodeos all over the northwest. Teagan started with Flanagan’s. He could see the boys all lined up along the rail as he pulled in, and there was Danny Flanagan with them. The man was really fucking proud of his bulls and he loved it when the cowboys would come to admire them, but he always stood watch to ensure none of them tried anything funny with the enormous animals. At least, that’s what he said. Teagan figured Danny just liked to be out there to preen. A couple of guys raised their hands in greeting when they saw his truck. Teagan nodded back and scanned 19

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the fence line for a flash of blond hair. He didn’t see the man he was looking for, but that didn’t mean Cash wasn’t there. All the cowboys were nearly identical from the back. Most of them had their elbows on the fence and one booted foot up on the lowest rail. Teagan did take a moment to notice how the position stuck their asses out slightly, and since all of them were covered in tight-fitting denim, it was a pretty fine view. Best not get caught looking, though. Knowing Teagan liked dick was one thing, but a lot of those guys weren’t so relaxed if they felt they were being targeted. That in itself warranted an eyeroll, because Teagan considered himself pretty picky. Just because he was gay didn’t mean he was after everything in jeans, for chrissakes. But Cash Whitmore’s jeans had looked pretty good. Teagan strolled to the large pens and leaned both elbows on it, copying the stance of the cowboys right down the row. “Teddy,” he said in acknowledgement of the man next to him. “Hey, Teag. Saw that punch you took last night. Surprised it didn’t knock you flat.” Teddy spit a stream of tobacco juice in the dirt behind them. “My daddy raised me tougher than that, Ted.” “True ‘nough.” There was no more conversation for a while, so Teagan watched the bulls being fed. Prime alfalfa was being thrown out of the back of a pickup into their feed bunks. Most of the animals were ambling slowly toward their breakfast, giving no sign at all that they would turn into some of the fiercest bucking bulls in the county once they were in the chutes. Teagan noticed two Brahmas that were penned alone, off to the side. He nodded at them. “How come he’s got Sunshine and Chainsaw on their own?” “Mauled Whiplash,” Teddy answered, spitting again. “Had to put him down.” Teagan grimaced. Usually a group of bulls could be penned together, but once in a while one or more would turn vicious. However, most of them were nothing more than gentle cows once they were away from the rodeo arena. Teagan watched as Danny reached out to scratch one of the massive bulls behind his ears. He listened to the low murmur of conversation travel up and down the fence line. Teagan had no idea whether or not Cash was one of the cowboys leaning against the rail, but his eagerness to find out was getting the better of him. Teagan was having a hard time pretending that watching bulls eat was fascinating, especially considering that every minute he spent away from the practice ring was losing valuable time. “You know Cash Whitmore?” he finally said out of desperation. Ted glanced at him sideways before turning his attention back to the bulls. “Ayup.” He nodded with his head down toward the other end of the fence. “Boy’s down thataway. Been here since this morning.” It was easy as that. Teagan blinked and pushed himself off the rail, wandering down a ways until he neared the end of the line. A lean-looking cowboy stood a little further apart from the others, a strand of alfalfa between his teeth and a booted foot on the fence.

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Teagan moved to the man’s left side, away from the rest of the guys. Word would get out soon enough that he was looking to coerce Cash into roping with him, but Teagan was trying to tamp down the gossip for a while. Cowboys were worse than women when it came to rumors and chit-chat. He didn’t receive so much as a sideways glance from Cash. Teagan wondered briefly if the guy had taken a hit or two from Don’s fists last night. It would be a shame if one or both of those pretty eyes were swelled shut. “You a bull rider?” Teagan asked, even though he already knew the answer to that. A head shake was the only response Cash gave him. Teagan sighed. There were two types of cowboys: the ones who hung around in packs and gossiped like chickens in the henhouse, and the ones who prided themselves on being the exact opposite. The strong, silent type, to coin a phrase. The fact that Teagan himself didn’t actually fit into either of those categories was not lost on him, but he kind of liked it that way. He got information when he needed it and was left alone when he didn’t. He tried again, tentatively. “Haven’t seen you in Pine Bluffs before.” Lame, but where the hell was he really supposed to be going with this? “I’m Teagan.” Cash did turn to look at him then. “I know who you are,” he responded, turquoise eyes flashing from under the brim of his battered black Stetson. “You’re Alex Rafferty’s kid.” Teagan’s gaze landed first on Cash’s cut lip and then on his bruised cheek. Yep, the guy had taken a punch or two. “Ain’t been a kid for nearly twenty years. But yeah.” Cash shrugged and turned away from him again. The alfalfa straw in his mouth moved slightly as he spoke. “If you’re talking to me, then you know who I am. Might as well tell me what you want.” A flash of unexpected shame told Teagan that he wasn’t going to be able to bluff his way out of it. Clearly the man was used to being ignored, so much so that he was suspicious of anyone who tried to make a friendly overture. “I want to know what kind of rodeo you ride, if it ain’t bulls.” “Rope steer,” was the curt answer. “Ever been a team roper?” “Not much of a team player. That’s what I been told.” “That isn’t really what I asked you.” Teagan pressed his luck a little bit. He had nothing to lose, at this point. Cash would either say yes or tell him to fuck right off. Desperation was Teagan’s motivator, especially since now the Pine Bluffs rodeo was twelve days away, and then it was onto Cheyenne after that, and then up to Butte… there was no damn time for Teagan to dick around. “Yup,” Cash finally said, eyes on the grazing bulls. “Long time ago.” “Head or heel?” Teagan asked him. “Both, when necessary. Was better at heading. S’why I rope steer nowadays.” Well, that was more information than Cash had offered in the past five minutes. Teagan’s confidence was 21

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bolstered. “Can I buy you a beer?” “Nine in the morning.” If Teagan knew the man slightly better, he might think he detected a faint trace of humor. “Cup of coffee, then. And possibly some of Tiffy’s biscuits and sausage gravy.” He was hoping his impatience didn’t show. Cash pushed off the rail and turned to study Teagan. “You wanna buy me breakfast?” One pale blond brow was arched nearly to his hairline. “I want to talk to you. If it involves breakfast, then yeah.” He could afford to shell out for Tiffy’s $2.99 breakfast special. Cash let his gaze wander down the fence line where the rest of the cowboys were trying very hard not to be interested in what was going on between Teagan and Cash. He flicked his eyes back to Teagan’s face, searching for something. He must have found it, because he nodded slowly. “All right,” Cash mused, dropping the piece of alfalfa on the ground. Teagan watched as the man toed it with his boot as if crushing a cigarette. “Breakfast it is.” *** They could have walked to Tiffy’s from Flanagan’s farm, but for some reason, Teagan wasn’t ready to talk to Cash without the comfort of other people around them. Sitting together and eating breakfast would bring the gossip on fast and furious, but that desperation was creeping more and more tightly around Teagan’s neck. He just didn’t care, at this point. Once in the parking lot of Tiffy’s, they got out of their respective trucks. Teagan let Cash go ahead of him through the door and noticed the man was limping slightly. Lori had said Cash had been injured riding bull, and Teagan assumed the limp was a result. As long as it didn’t affect Cash’s roping arm, Teagan made it a point not to care. The place was packed, as always, despite Tiffy’s food not being the greatest. But there was plenty of it, along with being the cheapest meal in town, so the woman always had a full restaurant. The ponytailed hostess pointed them toward a corner booth. Teagan had a moment of being grateful it wasn’t a table smack in the middle of the floor, but they had to walk clear through the dining room anyway. Teagan kept his hat low over his eyes until they reached the booth. “Hats off!” Tiffy hollered at them through the food window as soon as they sat. She didn’t have many rules in her place, but no hats at the table was a cardinal one. Teagan and Cash both removed their hats and placed them on the seat. They spent a full five minutes in silence as Teagan let Cash check out his menu. Another young, ponytailed waitress brought them their water and filled their coffee cups. “Thanks, Amy,” Teagan grinned at her. “Your daddy still think he can stay on a bronc’s back this year?” Amy giggled at him. “Says he’s gonna try, Teagan. And he wants to know if you still think you can get rope around a steer.” 22

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“You tell him I’m gonna try,” Teagan laughed, repeating what she’d said. Amy’s daddy was Bill Lockheed, one of the oldest and best bucking bronc riders Teagan knew. “I’ll tell him, Teagan,” she twinkled, before moving on to the next table with her coffee pot.

Cash had watched their exchange with a neutral expression. “She’s a little young.” He closed his menu and

followed Amy with his gaze as she passed from table to table.

Teagan shrugged one shoulder and digested Cash’s meaning. “She’s twenty. More’n legal.” There was

plenty of time for Cash to figure out that Teagan didn’t swing that way.

“Mm,” Cash said with an identical shrug. Teagan had no idea what that meant, and Cash had most likely

intended it that way. “You said biscuits?”

He nodded. “Tiffy makes them fresh every morning. Can’t say the same about the gravy, but it hasn’t made

me sick yet.” Teagan poured a generous amount of cream in his coffee and sugared it well.

“Good enough for me.” He tossed his menu on the table and slouched back in his seat.

Teagan ordered up two breakfast specials from Amy when she came around again. She nodded and jotted it

down on her pad before winking at Teagan and rushing off. Teagan chuckled and made a note never to tell

Bill that his twenty-year-old daughter was flirting with a man nearly twice her age.

Cash was looking around the crowded room. His gaze fell on the rows and rows of cut-off neckties hanging

from the ceiling.

“Anyone who’s stupid enough to wear a tie into Tiffy’s gets it cut off,” Teagan explained. “Usually just

tourists.” He hadn’t seen a tie in this place in a long time, however. Word got around.

Cash nodded and let his eyes continue wandering over the questionable décor of antlers and random lassoes.

“This place used to be that pie shop.”

“Yup. Jane retired and Tiffy bought the store. The pies were better, but the food is cheap.”

When Amy brought their food, Teagan didn’t miss how her eyes scooted over first his face and then Cash’s.

She set down their plates and made a move as if to leave, but then turned back and put her hands on her hips.

“Y’all look like you got thrown face-first in the dirt by one of Flanagan’s bulls. You been fightin’ with each

other?”

Teagan had nearly forgotten about his war wounds. He forked up a bite of biscuit and creamy gravy and

shook his head at Amy. “Fight, yeah. Ain’t with each other.” At least that much was true.

“Well,” Amy said, and her disgusted tone said exactly what she thought of that before she huffed away.

Teagan chuckled to himself. Women were the same, no matter the age.

There was silence for so long that Teagan finally looked up from his plate to see if Cash was eating or had

choked to death on his breakfast. He found the other man staring back at him, brow furrowed.

“It was you,” Cash said. He picked up a sugar packet and turned it over in his fingers without looking at it.

“What was me?”

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“Last night, in the bar. You were the one who stepped in between that tall fuck and me.”

Teagan wiped his mouth with his napkin and set his fork down carefully. “Well, yeah. He was about to

pound you.” He itched to ask what Cash had done to piss Don off, but didn’t.

“I fight my own fights,” Cash said evenly.

“I wasn’t protecting you,” Teagan shrugged. “Sometimes Don hits first and thinks later, is all. See?” He

pointed to his eye and grinned.

“He hit me anyway,” Cash replied, dropping the sugar packet. “Guess I asked for it, though. But, uh. You

know. Thanks.”

It wasn’t what Teagan had expected to hear, but he accepted it as gracefully as he could. “Whatever.” He

nodded to Cash’s empty plate. “Get enough? Tiffy does second helpings for half price.”

Cash shook his head and pushed his plate away. “Enough.” He lifted one hip off the seat and dug around in

his front pocket. Extracting a small brown bottle, he pried off the top and shook out a pill.

Teagan watched him swallow it dry and then chase it back with sip of water. It was prescription medication;

Teagan could tell that much, but the printing on the bottle was too small for him to make out. He didn’t realize he was squinting at the tiny type until Cash picked up the bottle and tucked it back in his pocket. “It’s Ibuprofen.” No further explanation was forthcoming, so Teagan pressed for more despite his slight embarrassment at being caught staring. “For your leg?” “Ankle.”

“Oh. Is that what’s keeping you off bulls?” Teagan had no idea when he’d become so nosy. ‘Live and let

live’ was usually his motto.

“It’s not riding the bulls that’s the problem. It’s being able to get out of the way.”

That was a true statement if Teagan had ever heard one. Getting on top of a bull was the easy part. Being

able to reach safety afterwards was not. He’d been privy many times to the hushed silence that fell over a rodeo arena when the bull rider hadn’t been able to escape the wrath of the sixteen-hundred pound animal. Amy dropped the check and waved her coffee pot at both of them. Teagan nodded and held up his mug for her to fill. Cash did the same, and then they were alone again. “So,” Teagan said, sipping his coffee and not knowing why he was stalling for time. Cash merely lifted his eyebrows and looked at Teagan over the rim of his own cup.

“I need a heeler,” Teagan said abruptly. “My partner got stepped on by a steer and is out for at least two

months.”

Cash set his mug on the Formica table and looked into it. “I ain’t no heeler.”

“You were. You could be again. I’m a damn good header, Cash. Me and Stubby were one of the best teams

around. I’ll win you money if you ride with me.” Teagan fought hard to keep the pleading edge out of his

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voice, but damn. He felt like there was a noose around his neck. “I win on my own, too. Don’t gotta share it with anybody that way.” Cash was still staring into the depths of his coffee cup. “How do you place?” Teagan asked. “Because I can ride on my own, too. Except I usually place somewhere around twelfth, and me and Stubby are-- were --in the top five.” Cash looked up for a moment. “What makes you think I’m gonna be good enough to save your ass? You don’t know me from Adam.” This much was true, and Teagan really had no idea of the answer. He was a reasonable guy most of the time and didn’t put much stock in things like premonitions. But he did go with gut feelings, and his gut was telling him that Cash Whitmore was his heeler. Either that or Tiffy’s gravy had finally gotten the better of him. “You’re right,” Teagan said, treading very carefully. “I don’t know anything about you.” Except what Lori said this morning, his conscience whispered at exactly the wrong time. Teagan ignored the tiny voice. “But I heard you’re a good roper and I think we’d win.” That part was kind of a lie; Teagan hadn’t heard any such thing. But there was his gut feeling again, telling him that Cash was probably the best of his breed. Their conversation descended into silence while Teagan waited. The clink of silverware against plates and the low, rough murmur of voices surrounded him, but he was focused only on Cash and the answer Teagan needed. Finally, Cash raised his eyes again and met Teagan’s. “I’ll run some practice rounds with you,” he said. “Don’t mean I’m gonna be your heeler. Just means I’ll rope a couple cows and we’ll see how it goes.” Teagan hadn’t known he was gripping the vinyl seat with tight fingers until he let go of it. “All right.” He nodded and picked up the breakfast bill to slide some money inside. “We’ll see how it goes.”

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Four

Three days later, they were still practicing together. Teagan didn’t know if that was good or bad. It was good that Cash hadn’t bailed out after the first day, but it was bad if he wasn’t planning on sticking around. Loribeth had tightened her mouth at him when Teagan mentioned that Cash would be coming over for practice. She’d been conveniently out of the house each time, and Teagan just figured he had to let her deal with it in whatever way she chose. She certainly wasn’t offering any more information than she previously had. Teagan couldn’t let it bother him; not with their first meet only nine days from now. And Cash had yet to say if he’d be Teagan’s heeler. Tagalong danced sideways as Teagan watched Bram load another steer into the chute. The horse was lively and sweating lightly from the exercise and possibly flirting with Cash’s mount, but Teagan wasn’t sure. Cash rode a very pretty bay quarter horse mare named Delilah. Teagan estimated her at about sixteen hands. She stood quietly and kept all four feet on the ground, but man, was she quick off the start once the steer had reached the barrier. It had only taken four rounds before she’d figured out what Cash wanted her to do, and now she would snort softly every time a new steer was loaded up. “Good horse,” Teagan said, lining Tag up next to Delilah for the next round. “She’s quick.” Cash just nodded and kept his eyes on the steer in the chute, so Teagan gave up trying to talk. The end of that third day had them at seventeen hits and only three misses. Teagan was beyond pleased. He couldn’t keep the grin from his face as he dismounted to give Tag a break. “Told you,” he said gleefully, letting Tag wander to the water barrel. Delilah immediately tried to follow and Cash had to pull her up. He managed to climb off her back before she gave a head toss and ambled after Tag, nuzzling the bigger horse before lowering her nose into the water. Cash watched her, a wry twist to his mouth. “She’s infatuated.” “So is Tag,” Teagan laughed. “He’s been trying to get the attention of Sasha, one of the other mares. She hasn’t given him the time of day.” Cash snorted and squinted into the sun, probably trying to judge what time it was. “We done for today?” “Sure, yeah,” Teagan shrugged. “It was productive. Tomorrow morning, eight a.m.?” He might as well pretend Cash had already accepted the offer, since the man hadn’t made any attempts to say otherwise. “Got something tomorrow morning. Can’t be here before noon.” Cash lifted his hat to swipe at the sweat trickling down his temple and Teagan found his gaze riveted to the clear drop. His eyes had been straying to Cash that way for three days now. Teagan couldn’t help it; the guy was lean and fit and had powerful thighs that turned his horse with only a nudge. His arms were corded with muscle 26

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from years of roping and Teagan had taken to watching Cash’s right bicep flex right before he let his rope fly. Teagan still couldn’t figure out what color the man’s eyes were, however, since they seemed to change every time Teagan looked at him. And he didn’t know why it mattered, but since he’d been jerking off every night since Cash had started riding with him, Teagan thought maybe it might have something to do with that. Teagan gave himself a mental shake and tore himself away from staring at how Cash’s shirt stuck to his lower back with sweat. Maybe what he really needed was to hunt up Dusty and Devin again. In fact, that sounded like a really good idea, and his cock firmed even more inside his jeans. Right after dinner and a shower, he’d head out to the bars and see where the Young brothers were. His stomach gave a rumble and Teagan wondered if Lori was just going to leave his plate in the oven for him again or if she’d actually be at the dinner table. She’d made it clear on more than one occasion that she was less than thrilled with Teagan’s decision to ride with Cash, but Teagan was just too desperate for a partner to care. He figured she’d be all right with it once they started winning their go-rounds. “Dinnertime,” Teagan said, watching the sun sink low in the sky. He whistled for Tagalong and felt a sense of pride when the horse turned obediently and ambled toward him. “Yep,” Cash said. Delilah had followed Tag and Cash picked up her reins from where they trailed on the ground. “That place we had breakfast the other day. Does her supper taste like her breakfast, or can I find something decent?” Teagan looked at Cash curiously. He hadn’t thought to ask where the man was staying or if he even had a table to sit at for meals. Of course, Cash had been extremely tight-lipped and not bothered to offer any information either, so Teagan couldn’t take the entire burden of blame. “Got hot food up at the house,” he offered. “The boys can put Delilah away while you eat.” Cash darted a look up at the house and then back to his horse. “Don’t wanna sit myself down at your table without an invitation.” Teagan would have been surprised if Cash had said yes right away. “The hell, an invitation? We’re not formal.” A little, niggling voice was telling him that Loribeth wasn’t going to be happy about this turn of events, but Teagan ignored it. Cash glanced down at his dusty, muddy jeans and sweat-soaked shirt. “Need a shower.” He did, at that. A long one, with hot water and steam and soap and— Teagan cut off that train of thought immediately. Random, vague fantasies of Cash while Teagan jacked off at night were really different than standing next to the man and picturing him naked. In the shower. With soap running down over the curve of his— Enough, Teagan growled internally, and forced himself back down to a casual tone of voice. “Got a bathroom,” Teagan shrugged. “With a shower in it.” Say no, say no, he thought. Jesus fuck, he was talking to himself a lot lately. “Got clean jeans in my truck,” Cash thought out loud. “All right.” Teagan blinked. “Yeah?” Totally not what he’d expected.

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“Sure.” Cash looped Delilah’s reins over her saddle horn and hooked his lariat there too. “Can I put her away first?” “Give her here.” Wade strolled up and took the bridles of both Delilah and Tag in a firm grip, tugging them along with him. “We’ll rub her down and let her feed. I’ll turn her out in the pasture after.” Cash nodded and let Wade take Delilah, watching until they’d gotten all the way into the barn before turning back to Teagan and stripping off his roping glove. “So… dinner?” “Yeah, dinner.” Teagan knew his tone was rough but he couldn’t help it. What the fuck had been smart about asking Cash in to eat? Teagan couldn’t think of anything. Well, he’d have to lie in the bed he’d made, because Cash was standing there eyeing the house and looking hungry, and Teagan wasn’t one to deny a cowboy his food. Teagan led the way up the hill and into the house and found he had been granted a small reprieve. Lori was nowhere to be seen, but Teagan’s covered plate was in the oven and there were plenty of leftovers in the refrigerator. He busied himself with making a plate to heat up for Cash and pointed toward the narrow hallway off the kitchen. “Bathroom’s that way. Should be soap and shampoo in there.” Cash nodded. “How long do I have?” Teagan slid Cash’s plate into the oven next to the one already there. “Twenty minutes?” he guessed. “No microwave, so we have to rely on the oven.” Cash didn’t look surprised by the lack of a modern convenience like a microwave. He merely nodded again and headed down the hall, and in a few moments Teagan heard the water turn on in the shower. There was beer in the fridge, so cold it was almost icy. Teagan grabbed one and leaned against the kitchen counter. The bottle felt good in his hand and the liquid felt even better going down. Teagan drank threequarters of the beer before stopping for breath, thunking the bottle down on the counter and swiping at his top lip. He was not going to go check on Cash. He just wasn’t. But sometimes the tap stuck a little in that shower, Teagan remembered. He might just want to check and see if Cash was having trouble with it. Teagan darted a glance toward the hallway before giving himself a quick crotch adjustment. He’d just knock and ask if Cash had gotten the water to heat up or if it was still stuck on cold. It wasn’t the best of excuses, and Teagan was a little alarmed at how easily he had seized on it, but he was halfway down the hall now so of course it was too late to turn back. The sound of the water grew louder as he approached. Teagan paused in front of the door, noting how it still didn’t close all the way and he’d promised Lori he’d fix it about a hundred times. Teagan lifted his hand to knock, but at the first touch of his knuckles, the door slipped from its latch and cracked itself open. If he could have seen the shower through that small opening in the door, Teagan most likely wouldn’t have stayed. Actually watching Cash in the shower without the man knowing about it crossed some type of line. At least, that’s what Teagan told himself. He’d lost his own innocence and most of his morals some decades back, but damned if he didn’t know the difference between right and wrong. And watching Cash in the shower would be wrong. But leaning one shoulder against the wall and listening to the water splash over Cash’s body didn’t seem to be crossing that line, Teagan realized. He was sure he could find someone to argue that point, but here he 28

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was all the same, listening to the sound of Cash scrubbing down and getting clean. Teagan didn’t believe in Hell, but he wondered if this was just the thing that made people think they were going there. When he heard a soft noise that definitely wasn’t water, Teagan knew for sure he was headed down the wrong road. He tilted his head toward the open door and strained to hear above the spray of the shower. It wasn’t what he’d thought, Teagan told himself with surety. It had to have been a fluke, something that had only sounded like aDamn. Cash did it again, made the same low sound, and there was no mistaking it for anything other than what it was. Teagan closed his eyes and sunk his teeth into his bottom lip. He recognized the sounds of jerking off when he heard it, masked though they might be by the noise of the water. Oh, fuck. Teagan was doomed. He pressed closer to the crack in the door, still absurdly glad he couldn’t see the shower. At least this way, Teagan could pretend he was still a decent human being who didn’t eavesdrop on cowboys who wanted a little bit of privacy. Never mind the fact that Teagan was holding his breath and staying absolutely still in an effort to catch another sound from Cash. There was another noise, louder than the first two. Definitely a moan. Teagan bit down hard on his lip and then the pictures in his head assaulted him all at once, nearly making him moan as well before he remembered to swallow the sound. Cash, long and lean and all muscular arms and legs. He was probably leaning on the wall, Teagan thought. One shoulder against the tile, back to the spray, water droplets hitting his shoulders and trickling down in rivulets over the curves in his spine. Teagan barely noticed when he dropped a hand to his denim-covered crotch and squeezed. He was completely engrossed in the scene unfolding in his head, buoyed on by the sounds coming from the bathroom. Was Cash using soap or shampoo as lube? How long was his cock, how thick? Did he shave or trim? Teagan found it increasingly difficult to keep back the groans that threatened to come out of his own throat. He squeezed his erection twice more over his jeans before finally giving in and tearing open his fly. Cocking his head toward the crack in the door, Teagan concentrated on breathing quietly as he stroked himself. Quick, short tugs, the kind that were the best at bringing him to orgasm as quickly as possible. He didn’t know when Cash would finish and Teagan squeezed his eyes shut to listen hard. It wasn’t long before he could hear Cash panting over the sound of the water. Teagan held his breath again and imagined he could hear skin on skin, although that was impossible with the noise of the shower. But if he really strained, Teagan thought he might be able to hear the slick sound of Cash’s hand on his cock, pulling and stroking him toward climax. Cash’s panting breaths turned into quiet moans and Teagan felt his own balls draw up tight. Not yet, not yet, he begged himself, trying to wait for Cash. His hand sped up anyway, despite his brain saying no, and he was just about to give himself up for lost when he heard Cash gasp out, “Oh, fuck,” and Teagan came in a warm, sudden rush. There was no time to bask in the afterglow of a good come. Quickly Teagan stripped off his shirt and swiped at his come that had spattered the wall, using the cloth to clean his hand as well. He turned abruptly and went straight to the bedroom, throwing his shirt in the laundry hamper and stripping out of his jeans. Teagan managed to get back to the kitchen in clean clothes about thirty seconds before Cash showed up there too, scrubbed and clean and his cheeks faintly pink from the hot water. Or maybe that had been the orgasm. Teagan couldn’t look at him long enough to tell, since the shame and guilt were choosing now as a 29

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good time to rear their heads. “Beer in the fridge,” Teagan said, his voice gruff. He cleared his throat and darted a look toward Cash, who was dressed in the clean clothes he’d brought in from his truck. Cash nodded and retrieved one, taking a seat at the table and glancing around the kitchen. “You do the decorating?” he asked, one corner of his mouth curving up. Teagan snorted and pulled the plates out of the oven. “Right. Lori did that.” Cash’s brow furrowed. “Lori still lives here?” “Well, yeah. She was married to my father, I ain’t gonna kick her out on the street or anything.” Teagan slid Cash’s plate in front of him and then sat down in the opposite chair. “Oh, naw, I didn’t mean anything by it. I just didn’t know Loribeth Britton was still in town, is all.” Cash shrugged and tucked into his supper of Lori’s meatloaf and mashed potatoes. “She’s Loribeth Rafferty.” Teagan took a large bite of potatoes and wondered just what the deal was with Lori and Cash. Maybe they’d been lovers. The thought made him choke on his food and he had to reach for his beer, taking a long drink while Cash watched him with an amused look. “Y’all right?” Cash asked, steering his fork through his dinner. Teagan waved him off and used his napkin to wipe his eyes, then his mouth. They ate the rest of their meal in silence, only broken when Teagan offered Cash another beer. There was Lori’s blueberry cobbler with ice cream for dessert. Cash swallowed his last bite and leaned back in his chair with a contended sigh. “Better than that place you took me for breakfast.” “Miles better,” Teagan laughed. He took their plates to the sink and left them to soak before turning and leaning against the counter. “So.” Cash sprawled in his seat. Teagan tried hard not to look at how the fabric of the man’s jeans pulled across his crotch. “So,” Cash said, his tone neutral. “Are you gonna be my fucking heeler or not?” Teagan blurted, beyond caring about social niceties. He needed Cash and Cash knew it. “If you’d taken me to another crappy breakfast, I would have said no.” Cash arched a brow and polished off the last of his beer. “But since you fed me a decent meal… then yeah. I’ll ride with you this season.” Teagan let out his breath slowly, not willing to show Cash the profound relief rolling over him in waves.. “All right,” he said carefully. “We’ve got Pine Bluffs rodeo first, then Cheyenne. Then over to Butte County.” Cash nodded and began peeling the label of his bottle. “Got a two-horse trailer?” “Yeah. Can travel with me or drive behind, up to you.” The offer was out of Teagan’s mouth before he thought better of it. He was supposed to travel in a confined space with the man for the next seven months? And then spend most of his nights in a hotel room with him, too? Teagan had no idea what the fuck had come over him. 30

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“I’ll decide next week.” Cash got up from the table and took his hat from the rack. “Thanks for chow. Noon tomorrow?” “Uh, yeah. Noon. Hey, um. Thanks, man.” It wasn’t the most eloquent of thank yous, but Teagan meant it. He offered Cash his hand and looked him in the eye, trying to let the man know just how sincere he was. Cash shook Teagan’s hand. “You can thank me by winning some of that money you mentioned. See you tomorrow, Rafferty.”

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Five

The Pine Bluffs rodeo was hot and redolent with the smell of stock, manure, and people. It all blended together to become one hazy type of scent that Teagan always associated with rodeo season. The dust from dry earth and the smell of animals penned up in their stalls was familiar and comforting. Teagan and Cash stood near their mounts and watched the stands fill with people. The Friday night performance was the traditional opener and although the first event was still an hour away, the crowds were already larger than last year. The food stands and beer tents had lines that doubled back around. Cowboys were crowding around the steer and bull loading chutes. Nervous chatter abounded, but some were so focused on their upcoming rides that they didn’t talk to anyone. Teagan discovered Cash was one of the silent ones. Teagan didn’t mind; there was plenty to look at to keep himself occupied. As long as he kept his eyes away from Cash, that was. It had been over a week since Teagan had listened to Cash jerking off in the shower. Every night since then had found Teagan with his hand around his cock, picturing the scene he hadn’t actually gotten to see. There had been more than one occasion when Teagan had thought it was a mistake to ask Cash Whitmore to be his heeler, especially since Teagan had a damn hard time keeping his eyes north of the man’s crotch, but then Teagan would look out at the empty horse barn on his daddy’s ranch and tell himself that every agony was worth it. Don Schaeffer, the man who’d given Teagan and Cash black eyes that night at the Brass Spur, strolled by on his way to the bronc arena. He gave both of them a once-over before turning his full attention to Cash. “Thought you roped solo,” Don said, not bothering to greet Teagan. “I do,” Cash said, turning to face him but leaving one hand on Delilah’s bridle. Teagan was glad to see that Cash had no issues with looking the taller man right in the eye. “Just not this season.” “You and Rafferty,” Don scoffed. “The two of you?” Teagan tensed. He knew by Don’s undertone what the man was suggesting, but Cash just shrugged and looked as if he had no idea what Don was on about. “Yeah, so? That’s what makes team roping so special. There’s two of you.” The edge of sarcasm did not go unnoticed by Teagan, but fortunately for Cash, Don had taken a lot of knocks to the head over the years. He wasn’t so quick on the uptake these days. “Yeah,” Don repeated, sounding like he thought maybe he should be insulted but wasn’t sure. “You a queer, too?” “All right,” Teagan shouted, startling all three of them, plus whoever else was nearby. “Keep moving. That’s enough.” Fuck, that was all he needed now, for Cash to back out of their partnership because he hadn’t known Teagan was gay. Cash stopped Teagan with a hand to his chest and took two steps to bring himself face to face with Don. “Maybe I am,” Teagan heard Cash say in a low, sultry tone. “You asked me that already, and I already gave 32

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you a split lip over it. Remember? The answer is the same now as it was then: if I was, I wouldn’t stick my dick in something as disgusting as you. So fuck off, Schaeffer. The next time you behave like a fucking homophobe in my presence, I’ll make you sterile. Got it?” Don widened his eyes in surprise at Cash and backed away a step before catching himself. But Cash had already seen the instinctive retreat, and Teagan watched as a look of satisfaction stole over his features. The fact that Teagan’s cock had hardened instantly was something he was trying to ignore, however. It didn’t matter that Cash was standing tall with his shoulders square and his eyes snapping. Teagan needed to focus on their first event, not his partner’s clenched fist or spread legs. Don mumbled something that might have been vaguely threatening and then scooted off. Cash watched him go for a minute before turning back to Delilah with a snort. “Stupid fuck.” “He is, at that,” Teagan agreed. “One too many faceplants in the dirt.” His tone was casual but his thoughts were racing. If Don’s careless words had startled Cash into rethinking this whole thing, Teagan was going to go to jail for murder when they found his fingerprints around Don’s neck. “So, about what he said…” Cash mounted Delilah and stared down at Teagan. “If you’re a gay-basher too, I don’t wanna know, Rafferty. Just ride good enough to win a couple go-rounds and get me some money.” He turned Delilah’s head, seeking the water barrels. Teagan furrowed his brow. He had no idea how to take that statement. Was Cash gay? Straight? Was he just telling Teagan he wanted them each to mind their own fucking business? Teagan figured he’d go with that and forget about it, at least for today. When the national anthem finished playing and the beer-drinking crowd effectively hooted and hollered their appreciation for the red, white, and blue, Teagan and Cash urged the horses as close to the steer chutes as they could. Teagan appreciated Tagalong more than ever at events like these; the horse’s naturally calm nature was a blessing when Teagan needed to bring him right into the thick of things to catch a view of the riders. Delilah followed Tag, naturally, and Teagan found a spot along the fence where both horses could fit. Teagan and Cash had drawn sixth position among eighteen teams, so they would be able to watch at least four teams ride before they’d be called to get in position themselves. The first two teams were unremarkable. Teagan watched the steer break the barrier and change direction, and then ropes flew just like they were supposed to. Nothing special, nothing fancy. Their times weren’t anything special either, Teagan was pleased to note. Both teams averaged about seven seconds, which wasn’t a winning or losing time. He and Stubby had averaged just over six seconds for last season. Cash was watching the arena too, hat pulled low over his eyes. His expression was impassive but his eyes were alert, following every move the steers were making and then transferring his gaze to the cowboys chasing them. Teagan took Cash’s attentiveness as a good sign. The third team to go, unfortunately, wasn’t quite as lucky as the first two had been. The header was Cory Fielding, a cowboy Teagan had gone to elementary school with years ago. Teagan watched as Cory’s horse charged out of the box when the steer crossed the line. Cory threw a beautiful clean horn catch around the animal’s front horns, but before he could turn to the left and drag the steer with him, Cory’s heeler threw his rope. The flagman’s arm shot into the air, signifying an automatic thirty-second crossfire penalty. Teagan heard Cash cluck his tongue and looked over at him. “He was too soon,” Teagan felt the need to say, 33

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although Cash knew damn well what had happened. “You do that and we lose.” Teagan regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. He wasn’t trying to be a dick, but what had happened to Cory and his heeler could happen to Teagan and Cash, too. There was no fucking way Teagan was losing their first event of the season. Cash tore his eyes away from the ring and focused on Teagan’s face. “Don’t fuck up,” was all Cash said before returning his attention to the arena. Chastised, Teagan nodded. Cash was right; there were numerous mistakes both of them could make, not just the heeler. Their numbers were called and they swung the horses’ heads around, making their way back through the crowd to the steer chutes. Teagan moved Tag into the box on the left side of the steer, while Cash did the same on the right side of the chute. They didn’t speak to or look at each other, watching instead the team ahead of them. And then it was their turn. Teagan and Cash moved their horses into position and waited until the horses were settled. When Cash gave Teagan a nod, Teagan raised his left hand and nodded for the steer. The chute help tripped the lever and then the steer bolted for freedom, trailing the barrier rope behind it. Teagan felt Tagalong bunch up beneath him in preparation, and when the steer finally reached the end of the rope, the barrier broke. Teagan didn’t have to signal Tag; the horse had been bred and trained for this exact event. He took off like a shot after the steer and Teagan knew without looking that Cash and Delilah were only one step behind. The steer snorted and rolled its eyes, and Teagan lifted his arm to throw. His lariat sailed through the air to land neatly around the steer’s neck. Teagan dallied his rope and then Tag cut sharply to the left, just as he was supposed to, and the steer had no choice but to turn its head. Once the steer’s hind legs were facing Cash, Teagan watched the man toss his rope. Both back legs of the steer were caught together and Cash took three dallies to secure it, and then the well-trained horses turned to face each other in order to shape the steer between them. The flagman’s arm went up and only then did Teagan whip his head around to look at the time clock. Six and eight-tenths of a second, and the best fucking time yet. He snatched his hat from his head and tossed it up, much to the delight of the crowd, and received due applause and whistles. The steer was released and walked off, no worse for wear. Tag and Delilah knew where they were supposed to go, so Teagan and Cash let the horses trot out of the ring and head straight for the water barrels. Teagan knew he was grinning like an idiot, but couldn’t seem to help himself. It had been a near-perfect ride, and if their next two go-rounds had steers as cooperative as this one had been, then things were looking good. “Good ride,” Teagan said, adrenaline still thrumming within him. Tag pricked his ears but kept drinking. “Was all right.” Cash was watching Delilah drink. “Slow out of the box.” Teagan didn’t know if Cash meant Teagan or himself, and decided not to ask. The guy was really damn hard to read, but Teagan just figured Cash wanted it that way. The fact that it was starting to drive Teagan nuts was something else altogether. Besides, it had been a good ride, no matter who Cash thought had been slow. The next two draws were much the same. The second steer took off straight down the center of the arena and allowed itself to be roped in just under seven seconds. Their third steer tried slowing up when Teagan’s 34

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horse approached, but Teagan and Tag had been in that situation enough times to make the steer catchable. Cash roped its rear legs perfectly and then there the third steer was, stretched out in the dirt between their horses. Their average time for all three steers was six and nine-tenths of a second. Not the final winners by any means, but much better than Teagan had expected them to do at their opening event. They would place, at least, and both Teagan and Cash would take home a couple thousand dollars. It wouldn’t save the ranch, but it was a start. This could be one hell of a rodeo season. Cash disappeared for the rest of the evening without a word to Teagan. Not like the man was supposed to check in for every move he made, but Teagan was starting to think it a little strange how anti-social Cash actually was. Teagan supposed he didn’t care, though. If they continued to ride like they had tonight, that was really all that mattered. And hopefully, Cash’s reticence would help to curb the persistent fantasies Teagan was still having. They’d morphed from just the occasional jerk-off thoughts into actual dreams. Teagan had woken up twice in the past week with a cock as hard as iron and damp places on the sheet. It was really no mystery what he’d been dreaming about to make himself that way, since flashing turquoise eyes were always the last thing Teagan saw right before he woke up with his hand around his dick. The dreams would stop. They had to. There was no way Teagan could go a whole season like this. It wasn’t like there were actual feelings involved, anyway. Teagan didn’t even remember what it was like to feel something other than lust or want for someone else. He’d had a crush here and there when he was much, much younger, but there had never been a serious relationship with anyone. His life just didn’t lend itself to that. Too much traveling, only home for several months of the year. Not relationship material. Teagan trailered up Tagalong and went to see if he could find a seat for the final event. It was always bull riding. The bulls were a crowd favorite and therefore saved for last. Teagan sort of thought it was so people didn’t leave before the other events were through, but he didn’t much care who watched him ride. The judges were the important ones. He snagged himself a beer and stood at the foot of the stands, looking up. A pair of familiar dark heads waved their hats in the air and whistled at him, so Teagan grinned and climbed up to sit next to Devin and Dusty. “Hey,” he greeted, sitting down in the space they left between them. “Howdy,” Dusty grinned back, eyes dancing. “Where’s your partner?” Teagan valiantly tried to pretend he had no idea what Dusty was talking about. “Who?” Devin snorted. “The fuck, ‘who’? Where’s Cash?” “Oh.” Teagan kept his gaze trained on the bull chutes, praying the first rider would come out so there would be a distraction. “Dunno. Getting beer?” “Is he coming up here?” Dusty pressed, catching his brother’s eye and grinning like a loon. “Doubtful,” Teagan shrugged, taking a gulp of his beer and wondering how fast he could get himself another one. “Sure did look pretty out there,” Dusty mused, sitting back in his seat. “Two a’ you ride good, Teag. And 35

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Cash ain’t so hard on the eyes, either.” “The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Teagan snorted, swallowing more beer. Maybe if he wished hard enough, another one would appear in his hand. Also, coming up to sit next to Dusty and Devin clearly had been a bad idea. “Means maybe you oughta find out which way he goes,” Devin said, his tone casual. “And bring him along next time.” “He’s not,” Teagan said immediately, having no real idea if that was even true. “Ain’t what I heard,” Dusty said from Teagan’s other side. “Heard he’s real nice to the boys. Shows up with a woman every now and then to throw people off the scent, but he ain’t serious ‘bout the bunnies.” Dusty nodded toward the tight-jeaned, cowboy-hatted girls that were milling around near the bull chutes. Teagan finished his beer and stared down into the plastic cup. “Dusty, for Christ’s sake. What makes you think I give a shit? I needed a heeler, Cash fit the bill. That’s as far as I’m gonna take it.” “Okay, okay.” Dusty chuckled and gave Teagan an elbow nudge. “Unbunch your britches, Teag. Guy’s just real pretty, is all. And he sits a fine horse.” “He rides all right,” Teagan conceded, willing to say anything to get the conversation around to another topic. “Hey. Jasper Jenkins said he saw you two leaving with Billy Warren the other day.” It was just the distraction the boys needed. Teagan spent the next thirty minutes alternating between watching the bull riders and listening to tales of what Billy Warren could do with his tongue, and there was no further mention of Cash Whitmore. “Those boys got off easy,” Dusty said with disgust when the last rider had leaped to the rails in order to avoid sharp horns. “I didn’t even see Sundance out there. No one drew him?” Teagan shrugged. “Guess not.” The bulls had been a mellow bunch, come to think of it. The crowd hadn’t reached its usual volume of a dull roar and was stirring restlessly. Teagan wouldn’t be surprised if there were more than the regular number of fights tonight as the thwarted spectators found other ways to let off steam. He stood and glanced down at the Young brothers. “Gonna go get me my money,” he grinned. “See y’all.” The boys mumbled their goodbyes and Teagan hopped over several rows of seats to the bottom of the stands. He and Cash had placed fourth overall and Teagan knew their check would be waiting for them. Cash miraculously appeared at Teagan’s side as they picked up their winnings. Pine Bluffs was an averagesized rodeo, sometimes with added money, sometimes not. There’d been an extra five thousand contributed to the pot tonight from one of the rodeo companies that supplied the stock, so Teagan was pleased to see that his earnings were close to three thousand dollars. It wouldn’t always be that much, but sometimes it would be more. A successful rodeo season could net him enough to save his father’s ranch, if they kept riding the way they had tonight. Cash studied his check before shoving it in his back pocket and arching a brow at Teagan. “So, where’s the best party?” he asked. “And I mean the cheapest beer.” “La Mesa,” Teagan answered immediately. “Plus, it’s Tuesday. Fifty-cent taco night.” 36

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Cash nodded and turned toward where the horses were trailered. “See you there, Raff.” Teagan blinked and watched him go. He wondered if Cash knew he’d used the nickname Teagan had had in high school, then realized that was silly, there was no way Cash could know. It was also silly for Teagan to feel a tiny sense of warmth at the familiarity, but there it was. Teagan took Tagalong home and was met in the yard by a sleepy Bram, who shuffled out of the barn and helped Teagan unload the horse. “Well?” Bram yawned, tugging on Tag’s halter and herding him in the direction of the barn. Tag needed no prompting, however, and began to lead Bram instead of the other way around. Teagan followed the man and the horse and tugged the check out of his back pocket. He handed it over for Bram to inspect under the dim light bulb in the barn and began to rub Tag down. “Did all right.” That warmth in his belly was still there, goddammit. Bram squinted at the check, then nodded once. “Did all right,” he agreed, handing the money back and taking the brush from Teagan. “Y’all go out and do your thing,” he said, yawning again. “Me and Tag’ll have a nice chat.” Teagan watched his horse stand patiently for the rubdown. “Maybe I’ll go have a beer,” he shrugged, knowing damn well that had been his plan all along. Well, ever since Cash had driven off. Bram nodded and concentrated on getting Tag to bed, so Teagan went up to the house for a quick shower and change of clothes. He was back in his truck within minutes, headed for La Mesa, the small Mexican restaurant that had a popular bar attached. The crowd was already thick by the time he arrived. Cash’s truck was parked in the lot, so Teagan started looking for him. He wasn’t hard to spot. Cash had bellied up to the bar and had two shots of tequila lined up in front of him, followed by a beer chaser that was patiently waiting its turn. Teagan squeezed in next to him and immediately downed one of the shots. “You ever heard of salt and lime?” Cash sounded disgusted and already halfway to drunk. “And that was my liquor you just drank.” Teagan rolled his eyes and signaled for another one. The bartender dropped a clean shot glass in front of both of them and poured two generous shots of tequila, slopping enough over the sides for another full glass. “Gimme a lime,” Teagan demanded, reaching out for the salt shaker. Cash handed him a wedge and sprinkled a few grains of salt on his own hand. “Go,” he ordered, and both of them licked their hands, threw back their heads to down the alcohol, and then jammed limes into their mouths and sucked hard. Teagan’s eyes watered as the lime’s tart juice flooded his mouth. The tequila wasn’t one of the finer brands he’d tasted. “That stuff sucks,” he wheezed, dropping the lime wedge on a napkin and still feeling the liquor burn in his chest. “We ain’t won enough money yet for top shelf,” Cash informed him, taking a sip of his beer and signaling for another shot. Teagan watched as two more glasses were filled. Cash handed him another lime and gave himself a liberal sprinkling of salt. “Pick it up,” he ordered, pointing to Teagan’s glass. “I don’t drink shitty liquor by 37

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myself.” That was probably a lie, but Teagan raised his shot anyway and clinked it against Cash’s before licking his hand and swallowing the tequila. Cash mirrored Teagan and then both of them were sucking on limes and shaking their heads at the burn. A beer was set down next to his empty shot glass and Teagan sipped it gratefully, glad for something to dull the sting. Cheap beer was always better than cheap tequila, and much less lethal the morning after. Teagan looked toward the line of men at the taco bar. “Hungry?” he asked, feeling his own stomach rumble. Or maybe that was just the shitty tequila. Cash shrugged and nodded, so Teagan lifted his chin at the line and headed that direction. Cash followed, beer in hand. They made themselves three tacos each and were able to find a table. It was a little lacking in the cleanliness department, but Teagan’s buzz had already started to steal over him and he found he didn’t care. They ate in silence. Teagan finished his beer and reminded himself that he’d already had one while watching the bull riders, so he was up to two beers and two shots of tequila. More than enough for the night. But Cash disagreed, apparently, because when the cocktail girl came around, he winked at her and ordered another pitcher with two glasses. “Can’t,” Teagan protested, but it sounded weak even to his own ears. “Can.” Cash nodded and swallowed the last bite of his taco while chasing a piece of lettuce around his plate. “No way you’re drivin’ home now, Raff. Might as well just have another.” Well, the man did have a point, Teagan admitted. One beer and one shot would have been enough for him to know he wasn’t driving, and Teagan had had double that. He pulled his truck keys from his pocket and deposited them on the waitress’s tray when she brought their beer. The girl nodded and rolled her eyes as she moved away. Teagan watched her bring his keys to the bar and put them in the big glass vase that held at least five other sets of keys. “Good man,” Cash grinned, nudging the pitcher closer to Teagan’s side of the table and taking a long swallow from his own frosty beer mug. “C’mon, we just had our first ride. Traditional to celebrate, right?” Teagan snorted. Cowboys celebrated every fucking thing with beer, and first night of the rodeo was no exception. “You’re right,” he conceded, taking a swallow and leaning back in the booth to look around. Two of tonight’s bull riders had made an appearance and were slowly being swallowed up by a sea of women. Teagan watched them impassively. It was always that way with those boys; that’s who the crowd loved and who got the most attention out of the ring. Teagan didn’t much care. Wasn’t like women were his thing anyway. He looked over at Cash to make a comment and found him watching the two cowboys with a narrowed gaze. Cash’s eyes snapped back to Teagan and Teagan was startled by the anger and longing he saw there, although for what, Teagan wasn’t quite sure. “M’going outside,” Cash said suddenly, sliding out of the booth and heading toward the door. Teagan frowned and got up to follow him, but the cocktail waitress was blocking his path and tapping her finger on the bill she’d laid on their table. Teagan sighed and dug his wallet out of his back pocket while still 38

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trying to see which direction Cash had gone. He threw a twenty at the girl and followed his target. He shouldered his way out the side door in time to catch Cash disappear between two trucks in the lot. Teagan was afraid that he was heading for his own truck and would try to drive despite all the alcohol Cash had had earlier, so Teagan waited for the world to right itself a little bit and then followed him. The tequila might have been cheap, but its potency left nothing to chance. Teagan found himself weaving just slightly as he chased Cash down, but figured it was probably more to do with how quickly he’d drank the stuff. “Hey,” he called out, knowing Cash probably wouldn’t stop. He didn’t. Teagan saw him go straight for his truck and was praying he wouldn’t actually have to fight Cash for his keys when Teagan finally got there, but then Cash veered away from the driver’s door and hopped right over the side into the bed. Teagan stopped where he was and waited, but Cash sunk down out of sight. Teagan approached slowly and rested his hands on the scratched blue paint before peering over the side into the bed of the truck. Cash was stretched out on his back, one booted foot crossed over the other and his hands folded on his stomach. He’d rested his hat over his eyes and looked for all the world like he was napping. “You okay?” Teagan asked, wondering if that was a stupid question. “Sure,” Cash drawled, not looking up. “Okay. Move over.” Teagan used the tire to boost himself up and sat on the edge, feet in the bed. Cash gave him some room and lifted his hat enough to squint up at Teagan in the faint light of the parking lot. “Don’t gotta stay here with me, man. Go on back inside where the fun is.” Teagan shrugged. “I make my own fun.” The corner of Cash’s mouth lifted before he settled his hat back over his eyes. “You’re right, that tequila sucked. I’m drunk and it ain’t even a decent buzz.” Teagan lowered himself into the bed and lay down next to Cash, ignoring that damn voice that kept telling him it was a really piss-poor idea. It sounded a lot like Loribeth’s voice, actually, and that was reason enough to ignore it, or die of guilt. “I’m not so drunk,” he lied. Cash chuckled and lifted his hat again, glancing over at Teagan. “I think you are, cowboy. I think two shots of tequila is all it takes. Lightweight.” “I had two beers, too,” he said defensively, although Cash was right. He was a lightweight, always had been. Cash turned to his side and propped his head up on his hand. “So how drunk are ya?” he asked, slurring only the tiniest bit. “Drunk enough?” “For what?” Teagan asked, realizing it was the wrong question before it had even gotten all the way out of his mouth. “For fun,” Cash replied, and then reached out and snagged the front of Teagan’s shirt. His strong fist dragged Teagan closer and then Cash kissed him, mouth hot and wet and tasting faintly of tequila. Teagan’s brain shut off. The only coherent thought he could pick out was “want”, followed by “want now”. 39

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He kissed Cash back, right there where all and sundry could walk by and look over into the bed of the truck. Teagan didn’t care. Cash smelled like leather and some kind of musky spice and his tongue was sliding over Teagan’s in a way that Teagan thought was meant to drive him crazy. They rolled together until Teagan was flat on his back, the ridges of the bed liner pressing into his skin and his hat getting in the way of what he wanted. Teagan reached up and yanked both of their Stetsons from their heads, tossing them to the side and fisting his hands in Cash’s hair. “Want,” he growled, letting the alcohol he’d consumed earlier loosen his tongue and voice his demand. “Not here,” Cash answered against Teagan’s mouth. His leg slid to the side and then he was straddling Teagan’s thigh. Teagan groaned at the feel of Cash’s hard-on against his leg. “Where?” he panted, rocking his hips up. “Got a room. Come on.” Cash lifted himself off of Teagan and rolled to the side. He sat up and boosted himself over the edge of the truck to stand unsteadily on the ground. “Let’s go, Raff. Just down the street.” Teagan had a very brief moment of indecision. Even through his tequila-induced haze, he could tell this wasn’t the wisest idea he’d ever had. But Cash was waiting for him, pretty eyes bright with liquor and mouth still red from Teagan’s kisses. How was Teagan supposed to argue with that? Especially with his cock hard as iron in his jeans. Telling himself not to regret this tomorrow, Teagan jumped over the side of the truck and followed Cash.

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Six

“Here?” Teagan asked, looking around the small motel room. “This is where you’ve been staying?” “Where the fuck do you stay when you’re on the road? Four-star places ain’t really wallet-friendly.” Cash dropped his room key on the scratched table and put his hat down next to it. “No, I meant…” Teagan trailed off and shook his head. Somehow he’d thought Cash was making Pine Bluffs his home, not a temporary stopover. “I don’t know what I meant.” Cash gave him a sidelong glance and yanked the bedspread down. “They change the sheets every day, your majesty.” Teagan took off his hat and tossed it to the table, watching as it slid to a stop next to Cash’s. He stepped up next to Cash and took hold of the man’s shirt. With one tug, Teagan toppled both of them onto the bed and threw a leg over Cash’s thigh. “Then they’ll have their work cut out for them tomorrow morning,” he growled, and dragged Cash in close to kiss him. It was no less sweet or hot than it had been the first time. Their tongues fought and teeth clashed, and Teagan started up the slow grind again that they’d begun earlier. Cash made a needy sound into Teagan’s mouth when Teagan pressed his erection against Cash’s hip and then Cash yanked Teagan’s shirt from his jeans. Teagan helped him while trying to get at Cash’s skin. He fumbled for Cash’s waistband, trying to get the fabric of his shirt out of the way so he could touch warm flesh. Cash’s hand was already spanning Teagan’s stomach, his pinky dipping into Teagan’s belly button and his fingers dancing across Teagan’s abdomen. It was distracting and arousing and Teagan wished desperately for scissors so they could just cut through the unnecessary layers of clothes. Cash finally broke away and sat up. With one smooth motion, he lifted his button-down and t-shirt over his head and tugged Teagan up to do the same. When both of them were naked, at least from the waist up, Cash straddled him and brought his head down for another kiss. The tip of his tongue darted and teased and Teagan dug urgent fingers into Cash’s waist. There was sweet, unyielding pressure on his cock, and Teagan thought for a minute that he’d be happy to just grind himself into a good come. Cash was rocking back against him as they kissed and growled and bit, so Teagan was betting it wouldn’t be too difficult to just keep the man where he was for another… oh, probably thirty seconds. With their dicks as hard as they were, it wouldn’t take long. But then Cash was shaking his head and pulling away, lifting himself up enough to get at the button fly on Teagan’s jeans. “Been a really long time since anyone’s made me come in my pants. Not gonna revisit high school and do it now.” The images that thought brought to mind were enough to make Teagan groan and try to reach for Cash again. He had visions of a seventeen-year-old Cash, all blond hair and blue-green eyes, panting and grinding 41

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on some guy in the back of a pickup truck until they were both gasping and thrusting hard. Sounded like a fine idea to Teagan. “Knock it off,” Cash chuckled, the tequila still flushing his cheeks. He brushed Teagan’s hand away and managed to get both of their jeans undone. Teagan watched him as Cash stood next to the bed and dropped his pants. No underwear, naturally. Teagan would have been surprised if Cash had had any on. Cash’s cock stood proudly and Teagan itched to touch it. He rolled to his side and reached a hand out, but Cash shook his head and rolled his eyes. “Damn, Rafferty. Get your fuckin’ jeans off.” He dropped a hand to his cock and circled it with his fist. “Or I’ll finish it myself.” Teagan scrambled to his knees and shoved his jeans down, kicking them off gracelessly and then reaching out to snag Cash’s wrist. He gave a sharp yank and tumbled Cash back onto the bed. “Like hell.” “That’s better,” Cash laughed, and kissed him again. Their pricks brushed and rubbed and both of them were leaking drops of fluid that felt cool against heated skin. Teagan drove his tongue into Cash’s mouth again and again as their bodies pressed against each other from chest to thigh and their legs tangled. He moaned and tried getting closer, looking for the thing that would bring the right kind of friction and pleasure. Cash rolled away and there was cool space for a moment, then he returned with a foil package and packet of lube. He pressed the lube into Teagan’s hand and kept the condom. “Here. You do you, I do me.” Teagan hesitated only for a fraction of a second. He didn’t make a habit of bottoming on his first time with a new lay. The guys he’d been with in the past had usually thought that “once” meant “always”, so Teagan tried to avoid that complication right off. It didn’t mean he never switched--Dusty and Devin were a good example--it just meant establishing what was what right out of the gate. But then again, he hadn’t had dreams about those guys. He took the lube from Cash’s hand and met his eyes with a nod. Cash looked back just as steadily and something passed between them. Teagan would have called it an understanding, only he wasn’t sure what they were really trying to say to each other. Maybe it was just the alcohol, anyway. Ripping open the little packet, Teagan squirted most of the lube onto two fingers. He reached back as he watched Cash rip the condom foil with his teeth. Their eyes met again as Cash rolled the rubber onto his straining dick and Teagan slid his coated fingers into himself, trying not to flutter his eyes closed as he did it. It was tempting to reach as far inside as he could and press down on the spot that Teagan knew would send little zings of gratification toward his cock, but he was too afraid of coming if he did. With reluctance, he pulled his fingers out and reached for Cash’s shaft with what was left on his hand. The condom was lubed but Cash let Teagan spread the leftover slick around anyway, dropping his head to the pillow and groaning when Teagan squeezed him. Teagan thought about jacking him off that way, then realized this might be the only condom between the two of them. He couldn’t remember replacing the one he’d last used with Dusty and Devin and there was no way he was going to risk wasting this one. Teagan let go of Cash and turned to his stomach, presenting his ass in the most wanton way he knew how. He made sure to arch his back and spread his legs, bringing his knees almost all the way up underneath him. Teagan knew it was slutty and shameless, but that was kind of the point. 42

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Cash moved and then there were strong, calloused hands on the side of Teagan’s ass. “Say you’re ready,” Cash demanded, voice rough. “Say it.” Teagan let one of his hands grasp his own cock. No sooner had he gasped out “Ready”, than Cash was nudging at his entrance with the head of his dick and digging fingernails into the soft flesh of Teagan’s ass. “Oh, holy Jesus,” Cash muttered, and slid all the way in. Teagan felt himself open and stretch and he had to pinch his cock right under the head to keep from coming just from Cash being in him. The man felt huge and thick and Teagan spread his legs even more to try and take Cash as deep as Teagan needed him to be. “More,” Teagan gritted out, lifting his hips. “Thank Christ,” Cash gasped, and drove in hard. They both cried out and moved together. Teagan thrust backward at the same time Cash dragged him that way, and the resulting angle was just what Teagan needed. The head of Cash’s cock rubbed over Teagan’s prostate in a burst of sensation that was unexpected. Teagan’s hand moved faster on his prick, thumb brushing the tip and then fist gripping the base. Oh, God, he was right there, so close. Again and again Cash managed to rub Teagan’s prostate on his downstroke. Everything turned into one spot of pleasure. Teagan’s fingers curled into the pillow under his forehead and he jacked himself as roughly as he could, wanting more and harder and higher and faster. There were tiny shocks that felt electric traveling right into his balls, and Teagan knew what that meant. He clenched hard around Cash and gasped out, “Oh, fuck, now,” just before everything twitched and throbbed and Teagan shot all over his hand and the bed beneath him. Things went a little tilty as he shuddered with the force of it, sorry that he couldn’t do more to help Cash along. There didn’t seem to be anything else Cash needed, however, because as soon as Teagan finished coming, Cash let out a groan and froze. Teagan felt the pulsing as Cash filled the condom and so he tightened up as much as he could, trying to add to the man’s pleasure. There was warm, heavy weight across Teagan’s back as Cash’s arms gave out. He pushed Teagan into the bed and consequently right on top of the wet, sticky place, but Teagan didn’t care. He was too sated and limp to do anything but lie there and revel in the feel of Cash lying across him. Cash moved after a while, lifting himself up with a grunt and then disappearing into the bathroom. Teagan heard the water running in the sink. He pushed himself up on his arms and looked down, grimacing at the damp spot on the sheets. They could always strip the bed, he supposed. Cash reappeared and threw a towel in Teagan’s direction. “Can lie on that,” he said, before going to the small refrigerator under the window and retrieving two water bottles. He came back to the bed and handed one to Teagan. “It’s not that cold, sorry. Could go get ice from the machine, though.” “It’s fine.” Teagan shook his head and sat up. The screw-top came off easily and he tilted the bottle to his lips. Half the water was gone by the time he lowered the bottle again to find Cash watching him. “Yeah?” he asked. A faint smile ghosted across Cash’s mouth and disappeared. “Nothin’.” He yanked the top sheet down and crawled underneath, yawning. “Stay if you want. Otherwise, I’ll be at your place by ten tomorrow. Fuck, I hope my hangover’s not as bad as it feels like it’s gonna be.” Cash closed his eyes and turned his face into 43

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the pillow. Teagan finished the rest of his water and set the bottle carefully on the nightstand. Well, he’d been invited to stay. Might as well take advantage of the bed beneath him, even if it was a little wet in places. Teagan spread out the towel and then lay down next to Cash, pulling the sheet over both of them. “Nine tomorrow. Not ten. We have Cheyenne in four days.” Cash opened bleary eyes and looked at Teagan for a long time. He finally flipped Teagan off and turned over to face the wall. *** Cheyenne was hot and crowded, the usual for July. They made it just in time for Frontier Days, which was exactly like Rodeo Days in Pine Bluffs, but bigger. A lot bigger. Teagan didn’t care for Frontier Days. It had ceased somewhere along the way to be merely a rodeo and was now a tourist attraction that garnered national and international visitors. That wasn’t to say, of course, that Teagan never took full advantage of the Cheyenne nightlife during Frontier Days. And the air show that the U.S. Air Force always put on was pretty cool. But mostly he just wanted to ride into town, rope some steer and get money, and ride out. The ten days of partying could wear a guy down, especially at his age. Some days thirty-eight felt like sixty. They’d already ridden their first round by the end of the second day. Round two wasn’t until tonight, day four, and their short round was on the ninth day. Nothing like drawing out the suspense. Teagan threw some more feed into Tag’s bin and sighed heavily. Maybe it wasn’t just Frontier Days that was making him pissy. After all, it was Teagan’s eleventh year in Cheyenne, he knew what to expect. Nothing this year was different than any other year, right down to the free pancake breakfast and the concerts at night. No, Teagan pretty much knew it wasn’t just his surroundings that were making him grind his teeth. That particular honor belonged rightfully to Cash Whitmore. Not one mention had been made of the hot, panting, sweaty sex they’d had eight days ago. Teagan wasn’t the romantic type, but he usually made the effort to at least speak to the guys he fucked. No flowers and love songs, but damn. Conversation might be nice. But really, what was there to say? “Good sex, let’s do it again”? Teagan snorted to himself and leaned his head against Tagalong’s shoulder. It was the “do it again” part that was the burr under his saddle. He had obviously thought that once would be enough. Fuck the guy, say thanks, and then Teagan could move on to someone else who didn’t happen to be his partner for the season. So why was he mooning around, waiting for Cash to say something? Fuck that shit. Teagan wasn’t used to feeling tossed aside. He looked around the dusty fairground at the dozens of men that were roaming around, waiting their turn to ride. Teagan was confident enough to know that he could walk up to a fair number of them and get what he was after with a minimum of effort. Except what he was after was taking more than a minimum of effort. There was no room in their second go-round for Teagan’s unwanted thoughts of sex with Cash, so Teagan managed to shove them aside until after their fourth steer. The ride had been okay, but nowhere near where 44

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they needed to be to garner any kind of decent money. Cash had been slow to dally and Delilah hadn’t cooperated in stretching out the steer, so nearly two seconds had been lost. They were both pissy as they left the ring. Teagan told himself to keep his fool mouth shut and not say a word, but when Cash deliberately let Delilah get too close to Tagalong and they nipped at each other, Teagan flipped him off. “Fuck you. Keep her off him.” Tag was always dancy and restless after a go-round. “Piss off,” Cash snapped back, turning Delilah toward the row of portable stalls where she and Tag had been sleeping. “Great ride,” Teagan called, injecting as much sarcasm as he could muster. “Really, a stellar job.” Cash remained silent as he dismounted and reached for Delilah’s blanket. He said nothing as he prepared her for bed, rubbing her down and making sure she had feed and water. Teagan watched Cash while pretending not to as he got Tag cooled down, too. When the horses were tucked in and nuzzling each other over the aluminum of the cheap stalls, Teagan let his anger dissipate. There was no use in arguing; they still had their short round to ride and he knew damn well they could make up the time. They might still walk away from Cheyenne with a few thousand in their pocket. He pulled the stall door shut and turned to see if Cash was finished, prepared to ask the other man if Cash would accept a beer as an apology. Teagan had barely gotten himself turned all the way around before he was slammed back against the aluminum, his surprise catching him off guard. “Don’t you ever scold me,” Cash hissed, his voice low and eyes sparking. He had two hands on Teagan’s shoulders, holding him where he was. “You’re not my goddamn momma.” Teagan’s anger flared back up, full and bright. “Then don’t ride like shit,” he glared. “And train your fuckin’ horse to do what she’s told.” It was a cheap shot; Teagan knew that Delilah was one of the best-trained horses he’d ever ridden with. It wasn’t Delilah he was pissed at. Cash slammed Teagan’s shoulders back into the stall one more time before letting go and stepping away. “Fuck you, Rafferty. Ain’t no reason I gotta ride with you if this is the thanks I get.” Cash hunched his shoulders and made a quick, discreet movement with his hand at his fly. Teagan’s gaze flicked down to where Cash had adjusted himself and blinked in surprise. The man had an obvious erection that he was trying to hide, but there really was no covering the bulge in his tight denim. It matched Teagan’s own, as a matter of fact. Teagan’s cock had sprung to life as soon as Cash had pushed him into the stall and put his hands on Teagan’s body. Christ, was there going to be a whole season of this? Teagan was turned on even when he was pissed at the guy. Or maybe because he was pissed at the guy. It didn’t matter. Teagan watched as Cash’s eyes did the same thing that Teagan’s had done. Cash dropped a glance to Teagan’s crotch and then back up again. Their gazes met and held, and then there was a quiet hum in the air. Teagan had heard that sound once before when standing under power lines; the electricity in the wires had made the same low sound. When both of them turned and started walking toward a deserted part of the grounds, Teagan found that he couldn’t care about the poor judgment he was showing. He and Cash were angry, they were horny, but there were better ways to work out the aggression. 45

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Teagan didn’t want those other ways. He wanted to fuck and bite and curse, and Cash obviously wanted the same, because both of them were instinctively moving together toward a blocked-off area behind the rows and rows of temporary horse stalls. Teagan had seen other men leaving the same area, their shirttails untucked and a satisfied look on their faces. He prayed they wouldn’t find the space already occupied. Teagan barely had enough time to register that the area was deserted before Cash whipped around and made a grab for the front of Teagan’s shirt. Teagan snarled and fisted a hand in Cash’s hair, tightening his grip as he brought their mouths together for a punishing kiss. There was nothing tender there at all and Teagan was grateful. It wasn’t what he wanted. They weren’t in a private enough place to take time. Teagan didn’t care. He spun Cash around to face the back of the metal stall and fumbled for his wallet, trying to extract the condom that he’d finally remembered to replace. Teagan bemoaned the lack of lube, but the condom was slick as he rolled it on. Cash would have to make do with spit and a promise. Cash had been fiddling with his belt and fly while Teagan got the rubber on. He leaned one forearm against the stall and shoved his jeans down with the other hand, taking hold of his leaking cock immediately. “Come on,” Cash groaned, arching his back and making his ass thrust out in Teagan’s direction. He wasn’t going to get a better invitation, so Teagan accepted. Guiding himself with one hand, he rubbed the head of his cock against Cash’s hole. The effect was just what he’d been looking for. Cash whimpered and thrust backwards again, seeking more, so Teagan gave it to him. Teagan placed a hand on Cash’s lower back and thrust inside with one smooth glide. There must have been more lube on the condom than he’d thought, because there was no catch or push, there was just drive and slide and then he was buried, shaking, as deep as he could go. He didn’t realize that he’d been standing there without moving until Cash reached back and squeezed Teagan’s hip. “Move,” Cash hissed, clenching around Teagan’s cock. “God, please move.” Teagan was throbbing inside Cash without having taken his first thrust. His balls were starting to ache and he needed the release, needed to let go of the anger and frustration that had built up so hot and so quickly. He pulled out a tiny amount and then slammed right back in, not caring about the noise it made when Cash jerked against the cheap aluminum of the stall. “Jesus Christ,” Teagan whispered, dropping his forehead to Cash’s shoulder and driving in again. Cash was tight, tight, tight, his ass a gripping vise around Teagan’s dick, and everything in Teagan was focused on the muscles that were squeezing him. This was almost over and he was going to make sure it was damn good for both of them. Teagan was mid-stroke when he heard Cash suck in a breath and begin to shudder. Cash’s hand moved faster, muscles trembling, and Teagan spread his legs a little bit more and angled upward. He brushed against Cash’s smooth gland and that was all the man needed. With a gasp, Cash arched and came all over the side of the stall. Teagan tried to savor the tiny whimpers and tremors Cash was making as he shot, but his cock had other plans. He could only squeeze the soft skin of Cash’s hips as Teagan finally gave in to his orgasm. It rocked him harder than he’d expected, everything going taut and sharp as he filled the condom.

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They were both panting when Teagan pulled out. He would have liked to stay where he was for a while longer, maybe explore the back of Cash’s neck with his tongue while they came down together, but the situation didn’t call for leisurely after-play. He sure felt a hell of a lot better than he had ten minutes ago, though. There was something to be said for sex when you were pissed. Cash pushed off the stall and tucked his cock back into his jeans. He didn’t turn around immediately and Teagan wondered if he was still angry, which was likely. Cash was angry more often than not. Teagan watched Cash warily while he tied off the condom and tossed it into the nearest trash can. “Wanna beer?” Teagan tested, unsure of the man’s mood. Cash reached up and adjusted his hat before turning around to face Teagan. “I’ll go have a beer with you, Rafferty. After you swear to fuckin’ God you’re not gonna scold me like that again. I’m serious, man.” Teagan looked at him for a long time. Cash was right; Teagan had had no call to come down on him so unfairly. But damn if apologizing wasn’t hard. He finally just nodded and dropped his eyes to the dirt. “No. Not again.” Cash said nothing and Teagan finally looked up. Cash was watching him, studying Teagan’s expression. “All right,” he conceded. “Buy me a beer.” Teagan watched Cash walk back out to the crowded grounds and wondered again what, exactly, was happening with them.

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Seven

The season wore on. Teagan was pleased with their scores. They managed to come in first in Tulsa and squeak by with a second-place finish in Austin, so Teagan immediately sent his half of their winnings to Loribeth, as he’d done every other time they’d won a decent amount of money. Teagan noticed his phone calls from Lori were happening with less frequency this season than in the past. She’d never been the clingy type of woman; she’d married a cowboy and was used to the demanding life that living on a Wyoming ranch brought. But she usually made a point of calling Teagan once every other week or so while he was on the road, just to update him on what bills were most pressing and if they had enough extra cash for her to hire the Jenkins kid to help the hands muck stalls. But it was already the end of October and Teagan had only heard from Lori twice. He had no doubt as to why she wasn’t calling him. Lori had made it clear what she thought of Cash Whitmore and she wasn’t giving an inch. Teagan gave his father credit for being a straight man and brave enough to marry a woman, because lord if they didn’t confuse the crap out of Teagan. Not like Cash was any less confusing than Lori, but at least he sucked good dick. And gave amazing handjobs. And whimpered sweetly when Teagan was deep inside him, pegging hisWhoa. Teagan pulled up on his mental reins and gave himself a shake. That was happening more and more. He would catch a glimpse of Cash or be reminded of any one of the numerous ways that they’d had sex and then he’d be off and running, daydreaming wherever he was about the man who was only supposed to be Teagan’s roping partner. Which was actually what he was, if Teagan stopped to think about it. Sure, they were fucking, and with great regularity. But no mention of it was ever made outside of the bedroom. Cash would roll out of bed (or the shower or the back of the truck or even once, inside the horse trailer) and it was like he’d never made Teagan cry out his name with the touch of his tongue. Teagan couldn’t fucking figure it out, but he’d be damned if he was going to ask Cash exactly what they had going on. That would mean Teagan cared, and he didn’t. No, Teagan pretty much only cared about two things: winning, and stress relief. If the stress relief came in the form of sex, then he was killing two birds with one stone. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d even had to jack off because he was getting so much damn sex. He was thinking about just that very thing as he looked in the cracked motel mirror in Santa Fe and tried not to cut his chin with the razor. The spot right under his jaw was famous for catching the blade and getting nicked. “You should let me do that.” Cash appeared over his shoulder, yawning and blinking at the harsh fluorescent light. Teagan snorted and scraped off a neat square of shaving cream from his cheek. “Yeah. I’ll let you shave my balls next.” 48

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Cash grinned and reached for his toothbrush. “Aw. I got a gentle touch. You’d be surprised.” “I know how gentle your touch is,” Teagan said, wanting to grin but concentrating on getting his chin stubble-free instead. This was the most conversation they’d ever had on the subject and Teagan wondered how far Cash would take it. “Your hands ain’t so bad, neither.” Cash grinned around a mouthful of toothpaste, the stuff white and foamy and dripping down his chin. Teagan laughed and had to stop shaving for fear of cutting himself. “You look like Digger.” The bull last night had foamed and snorted beautifully, much to the crowd’s delight. Teagan sort of thought someone had slipped the big guy an Alka-Seltzer tablet to make him drool like that. Cash’s eyes lit up and he bared his teeth, letting even more toothpaste drip down over his chin. He moved closer to Teagan, making snorting noises with his mouth and nose. “Wanna ride me?” Teagan dropped his razor in the sink and backed away, laughing. “You’re gross. Get away from me.” Cash chuckled and made a grab for him. “Come here.” The bathroom was too small to really get away, and Teagan didn’t want to anyway. He made a half-hearted grab for the door but Cash slammed it shut with one hand and circled Teagan’s wrist with the other. “I am not kissing you with toothpaste and spit all over your face,” Teagan said, knowing he totally would if Cash pressed the issue. “Kissing? You’re not kissing my face,” Cash said patiently, pointing downward. Teagan looked. Cash had on soft gray sweats and nothing else. The state of his cock was obvious, illustrated nicely by the material of his pants. “You want me to kiss your feet?” Teagan teased, already reaching for the firm erection. Cash turned just a little and spit the rest of the toothpaste into the sink. He pulled a tissue from the box and wiped his face before leaning on the counter and shoving his sweats below his waist. “I want you on your knees, sucking my dick. Plain enough?” Two towels were snatched from the rack and thrown onto the tile floor. Teagan sank down immediately, never one to waste a good opportunity. Cash’s prick was heavy and full and Teagan couldn’t help curling a palm around him to feel before he tasted. Cash shifted and then held very still as Teagan knelt and licked and caressed him. The man was good at blowjobs, but even better at receiving them. Teagan had discovered that about three days after they’d first fucked. Cash loved getting head, more than any other guy Teagan had ever been with, and he showed his appreciation very vocally. “Don’t tease. Rafferty, I mean it.” Cash carded his fingers through Teagan’s hair and then tightened when Teagan darted out his tongue to lick the head of his prick. “Really?” Teagan twinkled up at him. “You mean it?” He kept eye contact as he licked again, pushing his tongue into Cash’s slit and then pulling away. Cash growled and tried to guide Teagan’s head but Teagan dislodged from his grip and sat back. “Keep your 49

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hands on the counter,” he said, making his voice calm and waiting to see if Cash would obey him. “Fuck you,” Cash said instantly, reaching for Teagan again. He moved once more and shook his head. “Keep your hands on the counter. If you want to get sucked, then do it.” Teagan held his breath, sure that Cash would flip him off and leave the bathroom. Apparently, Cash really liked to get head. He slammed his hands down on the cheap Formica and gripped the edge of the counter hard enough to turn his knuckles white. “Fine. Hands. Counter. Now blow me.” Teagan grinned and winked at him. “Yes, dear.” He scooted forward and placed both hands on Cash’s hips, eyeing Cash’s cock. The poor guy had to ache, he was so hard. Good, that’s how Teagan liked him. Teagan took just the head in his mouth and sucked gently, giving nowhere near the kind of pressure Cash would need to get off. A soft sigh and another small shift and Teagan heard Cash’s breathing speed up just a little. Teagan squeezed Cash’s hips and saw Cash’s fingers squeeze the countertop in answer. “Raff,” Cash murmured, and Teagan looked up to see his head back and eyes closed. Teagan’s own cock leapt in response and he leaned forward to take more of Cash into his mouth. The drop of fluid that had been at the head was soon replaced by another, and then another as Teagan sucked with a little more purpose. Sugar and salt mixed in his mouth as he swirled his tongue around the head of Cash’s dick, sweeping up all the flavor he could and reveling in Cash’s noises of pleasure. When Cash began to flex his fingers against the countertop and make little jerky motions with his hips, Teagan took pity on him. He opened wide and swallowed Cash down, bringing up one hand to hold the base firmly. “Ohfucklikethat,” Cash gasped, spreading his legs and arching his back. Teagan hummed his agreement and moved his head faster. Cash was leaking more and more and Teagan swallowed around his shaft, trying to suck as hard as he could. The hand around the base of Cash’s prick slid a little lower to gather up the man’s balls, weighing and holding and squeezing a little. Cash’s appreciative noises filled the small bathroom, echoing and bouncing off the walls and coming back to Teagan, sounding about a thousand times more erotic because of the acoustics. He was trying his best to follow orders and not move his hands from the counter, but Teagan could tell Cash was having trouble and wanted nothing more than to grab Teagan’s head and fuck his mouth. Teagan decided to let him. Not moving his right hand from Cash’s balls, Teagan took his left hand and tugged on Cash’s wrist. Cash figured it out, and in a flash the fingers from both hands were tangled in and tugging on Teagan’s hair. Cash jerked his hips forward and Teagan opened for him, squeezing the man’s balls and sucking for all he was worth. Cash froze for half a second. Then he was coming, huge, hot spurts down Teagan’s throat, trembling and shaking against the sink and trying to stay upright. “Oh, fuck,” he was whispering, as the muscles in his legs quivered. “Oh, fucking hell.” As soon as Cash was finished, Teagan pulled off and sank back down onto his heels. He fumbled with his flannel pajama bottoms, trying to shove them down far enough to get at his aching cock. The fabric got 50

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caught and he made a frustrated noise, fighting with it, but then Cash was right there with him, helping him push his waistband down and drawing Teagan’s prick out. “There you go,” Cash whispered, his hand already circling Teagan and tugging smoothly. “You’re okay. Oh, Lord, you’re pretty. I gotcha.” He kept up the steady stream of whispered encouragement and praise as he pulled and played and loved on Teagan’s erection. Teagan braced both hands behind him on the cold tile floor and let his head fall back while Cash jacked him. “Close,” he panted, feeling himself swell a little more. “Oh, God, close.” “I know,” Cash smiled, leaning down to nuzzle at Teagan’s neck and swipe a warm tongue over his collarbone. “See?” He pulled his hand away momentarily to show Teagan how his fingers glistened with Teagan’s pre-come before returning to the job he was doing. “Come on, darlin’. Lemme see you come for me.” The words were a charm, as usual. Teagan had learned early on that Cash liked talking during sex. Teagan had also discovered that he himself liked hearing it, something he hadn’t known until the first time Cash had whispered low and dirty in his ear. Kind of like now. Teagan shoved his cock through Cash’s fist and came, shuddering and twitching, as his spunk covered Cash’s hand. “A hand job on the bathroom floor,” Teagan laughed, when he could finally speak. “Now that’s classy.” Cash grinned and kissed his nose. “Don’t say I never take you nowhere.” *** The pleasant glow stayed with Teagan for the remainder of the day. It hadn’t just been the sex, although that always helped. It had been Cash’s playful attitude, their teasing banter. Kind of like they were… friends, instead of just partners who fucked. Teagan liked it. It made him hopeful. Hopeful for what, he wasn’t exactly sure. They were on their second day in Santa Fe. They had three nights there, and since they had go-rounds only on the first and third day, they didn’t have to ride today. Teagan and Cash spent some time watching the girls barrel race and then the solo steer roping. Cash disappeared, however, right around break time. Teagan watched the “entertainment” for a while, which consisted of little kids being trotted out to climb on the back of sheep and pretending they were riding broncs. It was cute for ten minutes before Teagan got bored and headed down to the beer tent. The line was long, as usual, so he stood around and kicked the dirt and watched the fairground’s lights flicker on one by one as it got darker. He nodded to the guys he knew, checked out the ones he didn’t, and idly wondered where Cash was. Teagan knew he spent a lot of time wondering where Cash was. His beer was handed to him by a pretty young girl with two braids and a red-checked shirt. Teagan thanked her with a wink and sipped at the foam while he sauntered slowly away from the tent. Cash had to be around here somewhere. Maybe he’d want to go out for Tex-Mex again like they had last night. Teagan’s mouth watered at the memory of the chilaquiles he’d had. That was one of the things he loved about rodeoing in the southwest: they sure as hell knew how to cook Mexican food. Appreciative whistles and catcalls from the arena told Teagan that the break was over and the bulls were 51

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being loaded into the chutes. The standings and scores for the bull riders had been close last night and Teagan looked toward the ring, torn between wanting to find Cash and just going back up to his seat to watch the final rides. A flash of blond hair caught his attention all at once and Teagan whipped his head around. There were plenty of blond cowboys, but he’d yet to find one that had Cash’s particular white-blond shade. Sure enough, his instincts had been right. Cash was standing under the arena bleachers, running fingers through his hair. He settled his hat back on his head and grinned at the cowboy he was talking to, hooking thumbs in his belt loops and jerking his head toward a row of deserted buildings that were used during the county fair season. Teagan furrowed his brow. He didn’t recognize the guy Cash was talking to. That wasn’t unusual; Teagan had been on the circuit for years but there were new guys cropping up all the time. Young guys. Ones that were quicker and lighter and rode faster andHold up. Teagan gave a headshake and stopped that train of thought before it could get out of control. He was only thirty-eight, far from having a foot in the grave. There were cowboys who had ten years on him and they were still winning money and buckles. Who cared about the younger guys? Cash did, apparently. Teagan watched as the other man stepped up to Cash and said something close to his ear, something that made Cash laugh and flash the crooked grin that Teagan had gotten used to without realizing it. They turned together and started to walk toward the buildings, moving very casually. He shouldn’t follow. Why would he want to follow? Teagan took a swallow of his beer and stayed where he was, watching them disappear around the corner. He didn’t care who the guy was or what the two of them were doing. It was Cash’s business and Teagan just didn’t care. Teagan didn’t know why his feet were carrying him toward the building, in that case. Or why he was craning his neck, trying to see around the corner. What did it matter? Maybe there was some other part of the rodeo grounds just past the building, some part Teagan hadn’t seen in the two days they’d been there. Cash and the other cowboy were just… taking a shortcut. The thought was so ridiculously juvenile that Teagan was embarrassed. He tossed his cup into the nearest trash can and strode toward the corner of the building. He would just look to see where they went, see if maybe the cowboy wanted to come and have some dinner with them. That was all. No ulterior motive. He knew what he was going to see before he saw it. Teagan didn’t know why he’d tried to talk himself out of it. He stood at the very edge of the building and tilted his head to see around the corner, and there they were. Cash had his back to the wall and his hand down the other guy’s jeans. Teagan could see the muscles in Cash’s forearm flex as he jacked the guy with the same hand he’d used on Teagan just that morning in the bathroom. The other guy had his hand over the bulge at Cash’s crotch and was rubbing frantically, seemingly determined to make Cash come before he could get his jeans off. He was groaning and arching toward Cash, bracing himself with one hand high on the wall over Cash’s head. Teagan watched them impassively for a moment. It was pretty to see, with Cash being so fair and the other man quite a bit darker. Nice contrast between hair color and skin tone. Teagan took in all the clinical details of the scene during the few seconds that he stood there and watched, waiting to see if things were going to progress or stay as they were. He only became aware of what he was actually doing when someone passed close to where Teagan was 52

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standing and tossed a bottle into an empty garbage can. The sudden noise startled Teagan out of a daze that he hadn’t even known he was in and he blinked, noting first that Cash’s friend had gotten Cash’s jeans down. The second thing Teagan realized was that he was essentially peeping at something that was none of his business. Turning sharply on his booted heel, Teagan walked away. *** He found a little bar that was right down the street from their motel and drank a lot of liquor in not a lot of time. The bartender kept his glass full and Teagan managed to get himself drunk in under half an hour. He lost track of time before midnight and had no idea how late it was when he finally stumbled back down the road and tried to fish the key out of his front pocket. The door opened for him on his third try and Teagan congratulated himself on a job well done, then realized he hadn’t even managed to get the key into the lock. Squinting, he looked up to see how the door had gotten open. Cash yawned and scratched his bare chest. He was tousled and sleepy and Teagan remembered just in time that he was pissed off, otherwise his first instinct would have been to push Cash into the wall and kiss him for looking so fucking hot after just waking up. Instead, Teagan shouldered past him into their room. Cash yawned again and shut the door. “Where ya been?” he mumbled, crawling back onto the bed. The top button of his jeans was undone and they slid dangerously low on his waist. Teagan had to jerk his eyes away from where the silvery blond hair trailed from Cash’s stomach into the waistband of his jeans. “Out,” he said brusquely, already kind of regretting drinking as much as he had. “Have fun?” Cash asked, curling around his pillow. Teagan thought he detected a note of amusement. “Did you?” Oh, that was more than he had wanted to say. “Did I what?” Teagan shook his head and went to the bathroom, squinting at the sharp, sudden glare of the light. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and winced. Shirt untucked, hat sitting crooked on his head. Fuck, he looked like shit. Teagan yanked back the shower curtain and turned on the water. The hottest water he could stand made him feel worse, not better, and he thought maybe the shower should have been cold instead. Didn’t matter now, all he wanted to do was sleep. Maybe by morning his hangover would be bad enough to make him let go of the images of Cash and his friend. He remembered to brush his teeth, glad to be rid of the fuzziness in his mouth, and stumbled naked back into the bedroom. They’d gotten a room with two queen beds this time, though Teagan wasn’t sure why. One of the beds always went totally unused. It was pretty much like that in every motel they’d stayed in. Teagan had started to wonder if, at their next stop, they should just quit asking for the two queens and get the single king. He was grateful now for the two beds as he dragged the bedspread off the one opposite where Cash lay. Teagan slid between the crisp, cheap sheets and faced the wall. Things were starting to get spinny and he prayed he wouldn’t have to get up to puke.

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“Hey,” Cash said into the darkness. “You okay?”

Teagan grunted something that he hoped could be taken any way Cash wanted.

“So… I’m thinkin’ you’re not gonna come over here and kiss me ‘night.”

He resisted the urge to raise his arm and give Cash a middle finger. “Tired. Drunk.”

A soft laugh came from the other bed. “Yeah, so I see.”

Teagan fell asleep listening to Cash breathe.

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Eight

He woke up with warm, wet suction around his cock. It was good enough to push the excruciating headache to the back of his brain for the moment while Teagan concentrated on the gentle, sucking pulls on his dick. He lifted his head from the pillow--ooh ouch, worst idea ever--to see Cash’s mussed blond head bobbing up and down as he sucked. Watching Cash do it was almost as hot as feeling it, but Teagan’s head protested the movement so he lay back down and simply felt. “Mm,” Cash was murmuring as he licked and played. “Goddamn, Raff. Sweet as sugar candy, ain’tcha.” Cash swirled his tongue around the head of Teagan’s cock, tasting the fluid that gathered there like it was the best thing he’d ever had in his mouth. “More,” Teagan demanded, not knowing the word was on the tip of his tongue until he said it. His hand found its way to Cash’s head and his fingers tangled in the soft strands. Jesus H., the boy could suck dick. Cash went to work, humming a little around Teagan’s prick and the suction increasing more and more until Teagan’s back bowed and his hands tugged with urgency on Cash’s hair. There was slickness and heat and Teagan was flying, Cash coaxing him into orgasm with a soft nibble and deep swallow. “There y’go,” Cash whispered, sliding up and pressing against Teagan’s hip. He was hard and leaking on Teagan’s thigh. “Good job, Raff.” He nudged against Teagan’s leg and Teagan made a half-hearted effort to reach for Cash’s cock, but his climax had left him weak and limp. “No,” Cash chuckled, more than happy to rub up against Teagan’s hip. “Just lie there and savor, baby.” It wasn’t long before Cash was grinding down with more purpose, eyes closing and mouth parting to let his tongue rest on his top lip. “Fuck,” Teagan heard him mutter, and then there was a spill of moisture against Teagan’s leg and Cash was breathing hard in his ear as he came. It would have been the perfect beginning to the day if Teagan didn’t have a sudden rush of memory of the previous twelve hours. What he’d seen behind the deserted building on the rodeo grounds came back fast, hand in hand with his headache. Teagan looked at the ceiling and tried to detach himself from the fact that Cash was warm and sated and nuzzling into Teagan’s neck. Teagan kicked off the covers and rolled out of bed. The walk to the bathroom was excruciatingly painful and the only thing that kept him going was the promise of the aspirin bottle in his shaving kit. Teagan purposely did not look back at Cash in bed and made a point of shutting the door behind him. He managed not to throw up the four aspirin he took only by the grace of God. He gagged a little on his toothpaste but spit it out of his mouth in time. Teagan vaguely remembered taking a shower the night before, but another one sounded good. He kept the water lukewarm and felt a little more human when he was finished. Teagan’s hopes that maybe Cash would have gone out to get breakfast were dashed when he opened the bathroom door again to find Cash sprawled in the same place, flipping channels on the television. The local 55

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cable news stations always had the scores from the night before. “Look,” Cash said when he heard the door open. “Buck Hanson got hung up.” Teagan turned a bleary eye toward the tv and watched the bull rider who’d been in first place get caught up in the bull rope. The clowns were waving their arms madly, trying to distract the furious animal enough so the rider could get his hand out of the rope. Teagan grunted noncommittally and sat down on the edge of the bed to yank his boots on. Their ride wasn’t until this afternoon, but damned if he was going to stay in the room with Cash any longer than he had to. When Teagan stood and grabbed his hat from the scratched dresser top, Cash rolled over and eyed him. “Breakfast?” Cash asked. His stomach rolled. “No. Coffee.” “You gonna wait for me?” “Get your own fucking coffee.” The words were out before Teagan could think better of it. Cash narrowed his eyes and sat up. “What in fucking hell is wrong with you? And don’t give me bullshit about a hangover, Rafferty. I seen you with plenty of ‘em and a little blowjob usually cures what ails ya.” Teagan felt himself flush. It was true, there had been plenty of mornings he’d woken up with a queasy stomach and pounding head, but Cash’s mouth on his cock worked like magic. He shook his head and avoided Cash’s glare. “Just a hangover.” “You’re lyin’. And fuck you for thinking I’m blind and deaf, but all right, I’ll let you say it if it makes you feel better.” Cash lay down again and rolled to his stomach, turning his attention back to the tv. “You were screwing around with some guy yesterday. Behind the exhibition building.” Oh, Christ. Now what the hell was supposed to happen? Teagan thought he might puke after all. There was a long moment where Teagan suspected Cash hadn’t heard him. The man didn’t move from his position in front of the tv, just kept watching the scores scroll by on the ticker on the bottom of the screen. Teagan stared at the back of Cash’s head for several seconds before turning and looking for his keys. When Teagan turned back again, Cash was sitting up in bed, watching him. “What the hell did you say?” Cash asked quietly. There was no use pretending he hadn’t said it. Teagan shoved his wallet in his back pocket and grabbed his truck keys. “You were fucking around. I saw you.” A fine blond brow arched up high. “Did you follow me?” “No.” Except, yes. “I’m also fucking around with you.” Cash’s tone was even but his eyes were flashing. “Yeah. It’d be cool if I knew I wasn’t the only one. I’d make you double-wrap.” Teagan regretted the words even before they’d escaped. He and Cash were always careful, and both of them had gotten their yearly test on the road when they’d passed through Sweetwater. There had been no mention of ditching the condoms, however, and Teagan was especially grateful for that now. 56

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Cash got out of bed and reached for his jeans. He yanked them on and left them unbuttoned before jamming his hands onto his hips. “Lemme see if I got this right. You followed me to a private spot yesterday, watched me jack the guy, and now you’re actin’ like I owe you some kinda explanation.” “Like I said. It woulda been nice if I’d known I wasn’t the only one letting you stick your dick in me.” “I didn’t fuck him. And okay, now you know. You thought we were exclusive or something?” Cash sounded genuinely surprised and Teagan felt like ten times the idiot. “I didn’t think about it at all,” he snapped back. “I guess that was my own fucking fault right there.” Cash ran a hand through his hair, making the blond strands stick up even farther. “I’m your heeler, Rafferty. You asked me to be your goddamn partner for the season. Fuckin’ sue me if I didn’t get all the connotations that go with it.” “What?” Teagan nearly shouted, making his head throb. “There are no goddamn connotations! You want to screw around, fine! Just let me know about it so I can get regular tests.” The anger in him was bright and sharp and Teagan had no idea if it was misplaced or not. Cash studied him. “We’re having fun. That’s all this is, right?” “Yeah, sure. Fun.” At least, Teagan had thought so, right up until the point where he’d watch Cash stick his hand down someone else’s Levi’s. Then it became something other than fun. “I don’t answer to you,” Cash said softly, eyes searching Teagan’s face. “I don’t answer to anyone. If I wanna mess around with any cowboy that wants me, that’s my business. All you should care about is if I win you money. That’s what the agreement was.” He was right. Teagan had no argument. The problem, however, was that his anger was still there and Teagan didn’t know what to do with it. “Right,” he said, because he had no other choice. “Win me money.” He grabbed his hat from the chair by the door and walked out. The remainder of the day alternated between crawling by and zooming past. Teagan spent a terrifying hour in the afternoon thinking Cash would take off before their three o’clock ride. His truck and trailer were still parked in the lot, though, and Delilah was in her rented stall. If Teagan was sure about anything, it was that Cash would never leave Delilah. Hell, Teagan knew he’d be hard-pressed to find a man around here that didn’t consider his horse more precious than most people. Their numbers were called to get in line near the chutes and then Cash was suddenly there next to him, not looking or talking but lining up on the right side just like always. Teagan had one pure second of intense relief before remembering his fury of the morning, but then there was no time to dwell on that because their steer was being loaded and Tag was dancing in anticipation. The first ride was decent, nothing to get excited over. The second steer gave them some trouble, but a little concentration and they managed to get him where he needed to be within a reasonable amount of time. Their third steer played into their hands beautifully and Teagan found himself blinking at the clock when they were finished, not sure he was seeing the time correctly. Their score put them in second place with only two more teams to go. Teagan didn’t dismount when he rode Tag out of the ring. He wheeled the horse around and found a spot by the rail to watch the next ropers, sensing rather than seeing Cash ease Delilah in next to Tag. 57

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When the two remaining teams had less than spectacular rides, Teagan’s gaze remained glued to the scoreboard. Their second-place finish was confirmed within a matter of minutes and Teagan let out a whoop, snatching his hat from his head and tossing it high in the air. He turned to grin at Cash, all remnants of his earlier anger dissipating with the euphoria of the best win they’d had this season. Cash was gone. *** As quickly as it had started, it stopped. There was no sex of any kind from the moment Teagan had expressed his dislike for Cash messing around. Teagan supposed that was his own fault, of course, but what else had he really expected? That Cash would be delighted with Teagan’s surprising jealousy and would agree to become mutually exclusive? All right, so maybe a small part of Teagan had expected that. Teagan didn’t know that was what he had wanted until he didn’t get it. And now he was left with a silent, sullen partner who took care not to get too close to him, and who was back to actually using the other queen bed in their many and varied motel rooms. Teagan was just grateful Cash still wanted to split the cost of a room, never mind the sleeping arrangements. But along with the abrupt halt of their sex came the end of the tentative friendship they’d forged. Teagan had to be honest with himself and admit he didn’t know which he missed more. Cash had a talented mouth and strong, calloused fingers, but he also had a keen wit and sharp sense of humor. He liked the same, awful spaghetti westerns that Teagan did, and they’d watched a lot of them together. Teagan watched a lot of television by himself these days. Their conversations now were short and usually limited to what kind of ride they’d had, what kind of ride they were going to have, and what kind of ride the other teams had. They were still winning and Teagan was still able to send enough money home to Loribeth to keep things going on his daddy’s ranch, so he guessed he should be satisfied with that. Except he wasn’t. Especially when the only relief he had was his own hand around his cock in the shower. Teagan supposed if Dusty and Devin were around, he might seek some solace there, but last he’d heard, the brothers were out in Tucson. And no one else Teagan ran across seemed to appeal to him. He was really afraid to examine the implications of that. So Teagan let the season wear on. October and New Mexico turned into November and California, then December and Nevada. He and Cash fluctuated within the top ten teams, sometimes dropping out of the top ten, but their scores remained high enough to keep them in decent money. Teagan supposed he couldn’t ask for more than that. He never asked Cash where he went at night and Cash never volunteered information. There was one evening in early December when Teagan thought company at dinner might be nice, so he tried. “You can get steak and lobster for $3.99 downtown,” Teagan said casually on their third night in Nevada. “Yep, that’s what they say,” Cash answered, currying Delilah. Teagan watched as the horse leaned into the 58

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brush, clearly loving it.

“So… you want to?”

“You buyin’?” Cash swept his arm over Delilah’s back with wide strokes.

“Uh.” Teagan was caught off-guard. “Sure.” He could pony up ten bucks for dinner.

“Then no,” Cash shrugged. “Wouldn’t wanna have to put out just ‘cause you bought me dinner. Even if it is

lobster.”

Teagan narrowed his eyes. “Yeah. Fuck you, too.”

He ate alone and returned to a dark, solitary motel room, where he turned on the television but left the lights

off. The dark suited his mood better.

It was more a matter of habit than need when Teagan’s hand drifted to his semi-erect cock. He’d done it like

this nearly every night for the last two months. Not even bothering to get his jeans off, Teagan extracted himself through his open fly and brought himself off with mechanical, familiar movements. The orgasm was merely a release of tension, not the rush of pleasure he’d been used to. Teagan cleaned himself up with the tissues by the bed and stripped his shirt off, throwing it to the floor and gathering a pillow close to his chest. They were first to ride tomorrow morning; might as well attempt an early bedtime. Teagan didn’t know he’d fallen asleep until the harsh ring of the bedside phone startled him awake. A blink at the clock radio revealed it to be past midnight, though the show on television looked like the same one that had been on two hours ago. Teagan rubbed his face and picked up the phone. “Yeah,” he said, his voice gravelly.

“Teagan Rafferty, please.” Smooth male voice, all business.

“Yeah,” Teagan said again. “This is him.”

“Are you related to Cassius Whitmore?”

Related to Cash? The hell? “Uh, no.” He moved to a sitting position and propped himself up with a pillow

and the headboard. “Not related.”

“Your name was found among the paperwork in his vehicle. Do you know how we can get in touch with a relative?” There was a hint of impatience in that voice now. It occurred to Teagan in that minute that he had no idea how to get in touch with Cash’s family. Was there even any family to get in touch with? It seemed like, after eight months, Teagan should know a little more about the man he was riding with. He knew how Cash liked his handjobs, but not if he had any living relatives. That was a little fucked up. “Is everything okay?” he finally thought to ask, realizing that motel phones just didn’t ring after midnight unless things weren’t that okay. “Where’s Cash?” A slight hesitation, then the man on the other end of the line probably figured he wasn’t going to find anyone who claimed to be related to Cash. “We have him here at the Desert Springs emergency room. There 59

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was an accident.” “Oh, shit,” Teagan groaned, running a hand through his hair. He could just picture Cash getting drunk and trying to drive. Asshole. “Did he wreck his truck?” “He wasn’t driving his truck, sir,” the smooth voice said, all business. “He was thrown from a horse.” “A horse?” None of this was making sense to Teagan at all. “But he’s the best rider I know. Delilah threw him?” The man sighed impatiently. “Sir, if you could come to the emergency room, you’ll get all the necessary details. Mr. Whitmore’s injuries are not life-threatening, but… well, the on-call doctor will explain everything.” Injuries. Fuck. Teagan scrambled off the bed and searched for the shirt he’d discarded earlier. “Okay. Desert Springs. Got it.” He threw the phone back on the cradle and yanked his t-shirt on. His hat got jammed on his head and then he was out the door, barely remembering to grab his keys and wallet as he ran. They’d passed the hospital twenty times or more in the last few days of driving back and forth from the motel to the arena. Teagan knew it was where all the rodeo injuries were brought; he’d seen the ambulance on the rodeo grounds at least twice yesterday and once the day before. The emergency room driveway was wide and brightly lit. Teagan was glad he’d unhitched Tag’s trailer when the parking lot revealed itself to be too full for the extra room he would have needed. A single space remained at the edge of the lot and Teagan squeezed his truck in between the lines, hoping that the driver of the pickup next to him would forgive another tiny dent on his already dented-up door. He dashed through the automatic doors and stopped short, realizing he had no idea where to go. Teagan approached the reception desk and gave Cash’s name, sure that someone was going to tell him that only family was allowed, but the woman behind the desk pointed him through the double doors to his left. Teagan passed through yet another set of doors and blinked at the bustle of the emergency room. He’d been in enough ERs to know that the noise level often made it look and sound busier than it really was, but it certainly seemed frantic enough at the moment with doctors looking important as they rushed by and harried nurses trying to get their attention. A glance at the occupied beds didn’t reveal the blond-haired cowboy Teagan was looking for, but he did recognize one or two of the men who’d gotten stomped on by bulls after today’s go-round. Shoot, they must’ve had a long wait if they were still in the ER, he figured. But a closer look revealed bleeding mouths and split skin over their cheeks, so chances were they’d gotten more injured by someone’s fist at the bar than the bull who’d been chasing them earlier. He raised a hand in greeting to one of the men getting his face stitched up and received a raised brow in return. The cowboy pointed to a bed in the corner. Teagan turned to see Cash lying still and quiet, eyes closed, his pallor nearly the color of the sheet beneath him. Teagan approached cautiously, remembering that the man on the phone had specifically said Cash’s injuries were not life-threatening. There were no immediate injuries that Teagan could see, in any case… oooh. Teagan winced as he got closer, noticing the huge goose-egg on Cash’s right temple and the four tiny stitches in his chin. He stood at the edge of Cash’s bed and looked around uncertainly. There was no doctor within speaking 60

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distance, but a round-faced nurse bustled up to him as Teagan tried to examine Cash’s face without actually

getting too close. “Hello,” she said pleasantly.

His hand automatically went to the brim of his hat but she stopped him with a wink. “This isn’t your

momma’s dinner table. Leave it on, cowboy.”

Teagan liked her. “Yes, ma’am.” His gaze darted to Cash and then back to the nurse.

“He belongs to you?” she asked, doing things to the chart in her hands.

“Uh. Not exactly. But I ride with him. There’s no family.” Teagan didn’t actually know if that was true, but

it was true for this minute.

“All right,” she nodded. “He won’t be going home tonight. But I’ll fetch his doctor to tell you what you need to know.” Teagan nodded at her and turned his eyes back to Cash. It didn’t really look like there was anything Teagan needed to know. Cash looked all right. The cowboys in the other bed looked worse off from their fistfight, and Teagan was pretty sure they’d be heading home tonight. Maybe the doctor just wanted to observe Cash because of the lump on his head. It wasn’t long before the nurse returned with an extremely busy doctor. He jammed his glasses on his face and snatched Cash’s chart from the foot of his bed, flipping pages back and forth and squinting at them. “Well!” the doctor finally said, and Teagan was startled by how loud he was. The doctor looked over the top of his glasses at Teagan. “Family?” he asked. Teagan wondered how many more times he was going to get asked that question. “No. There’s no family.” That just seemed to be the easiest answer.

The doctor nodded and slammed the cover of the chart closed. “Your friend took a tumble. His chin was cut

by a rock, most likely. He also has bruises on his chest and one cracked rib.”

Teagan grimaced; he’d had a few broken ribs himself. “What about his head?”

The doctor pursed his lips and nodded slowly. “His head. He has a concussion.”

“Okay,” Teagan said, rubbing a hand over his chin. He knew concussions, too. Most cowboys did. “So…

you keep him tonight to watch him, or what?”

“Well, yes,” the doctor agreed. “However, Mr…?”

“Rafferty,” Teagan answered absently, eyes straying to Cash again.

“Mr. Rafferty. There are some symptoms Mr. Whitmore is exhibiting that concern us.”

Teagan jerked his gaze away from Cash and eyed the doctor. “Symptoms of what?”

The doctor seemed to be choosing his words carefully. “We’ll have to see in a few hours to know for sure.

But he seems to be having difficulty recalling events leading up to his fall from his horse.”

“Oh. Well, he’s got a huge lump on his head. He probably isn’t thinking too clearly anyhow.”

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“This is true,” the doctor affirmed. “However. The answers he was giving to questions did not seem like merely a case of him being confused about what had happened. He seems to have no recall of tonight’s events or the preceding weeks.” Teagan opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. The doctor couldn’t be saying what Teagan was trying to understand. That was the kind of thing you heard on medical shows and Loribeth’s soap operas. “What?” he finally asked, knowing he sounded like an idiot. “More tests are needed,” the doctor said gently. “He’ll receive neuropsychological testing to confirm, as well as another MRI. He had one tonight already. A full personal history will be taken by a mental health professional tomorrow.” “You mean amnesia,” Teagan said, fixing his eyes on Cash. God, the word even sounded like a soap opera. “Possibly,” the doctor said. “It seems there has been some memory loss, yes. But we don’t know. It’s impossible to tell tonight, especially with the concussion. Tomorrow will tell us more.” “Tomorrow,” Teagan repeated, moving closer to Cash’s side. “Yeah, okay. He goes up to a room tonight?” “Right now,” the doctor confirmed. “If you’ll go out to the waiting room, they’ll call down and let you know when you can come up.” The next half hour moved by too quickly for Teagan to separate events. He was ushered to the waiting room, then just as efficiently ushered up to Cash’s hospital room where he planted himself in a chair and watched nurses come and go, watched as Cash’s doctor wrote more things on his chart, and watched Cash lie unmoving through it all. Cash wasn’t unconscious; they’d told him that downstairs, so he was either asleep or pretending to be. One nurse turned the lights down very low and then there was sudden, blessed quiet as Teagan found himself the only one left in the room. He glanced around, noting in his exhaustion that it was a private room, then dragged his chair to the side of Cash’s bed and rested an arm on the sheets next to Cash’s still body. Teagan fell asleep at two in the morning, head on Cash’s bed, listening to his shallow breaths.

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Nine

They let him stay. No one woke him up to tell him to go, at least, and when morning rolled around, Teagan lifted his head and sat up stiffly. His head ached and there was a crick in his back, and for a minute he was completely confused as to why he was in a hospital room. He looked to his right and then remembered. Cash was awake and looking at him with an odd expression. “Hey,” Teagan said softly, wishing for a toothbrush. “Teagan,” Cash said, brow furrowed. “Hey.” The frightening things the doctor had told Teagan the night before came back with a rush. “You… know who I am?” Teagan asked. He was glad to see a faint touch of pink in Cash’s cheeks. The man’s color the night before had been deathly. A corner of Cash’s mouth twitched. “Why wouldn’t I? I’d recognize those baby blues anywhere.” Teagan blinked, startled by the uncharacteristic comment. His brow furrowed and he was about to ask Cash if he recalled exactly what had happened to him the night before, but Teagan was interrupted by the whitecoated doctor from last night, accompanied by an orderly. “Good morning, Mr. Whitmore.” The doctor picked up Cash’s chart and perused it. “Oh, and Mr. Rafferty, too.” He peered closer at Teagan. “Didn’t go home, hm? I advise you do that sometime today and at least change clothes.” Teagan took that to mean that Cash wouldn’t be leaving the hospital for at least another twenty-four hours. “When’s his scan-thing for his head?” “Now,” the doctor confirmed, and the orderly produced a wheelchair. “He’ll be back in time for breakfast. Mr. Whitmore, how’s the head?” Teagan waited for the inevitable scowl accompanied by cussing that was sure to be the answer to the doctor’s question, but none came. Instead, Cash touched his lump gingerly and winced a little. “Not great.” “I suspect not. Tylenol when we return you to bed. Here, Brian will help you into the chair, and I’ll see you upstairs.” The doctor turned and rushed out again before Teagan could ask any one of the hundred questions on the tip of his tongue. Cash settled himself into the wheelchair as best he could, holding the side of his chest with the cracked rib and turning a little pale. He looked up at Teagan. “You’re staying?” he asked, and again Teagan detected something a little off in his tone. Something not quite… Cash. “Yeah,” Teagan nodded, and just like that, he knew he was staying. He’d planned to go back to the motel and at least get a fresh shirt, but he figured he could do that later. “I’m staying.”

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Cash relaxed a little and stopped gripping the arms of the chair so tightly. He kept watching Teagan until the orderly turned the chair and wheeled him out the door, and then the room was big and quiet. Teagan amused himself for twenty minutes by sitting on the bed and using the hand-held keypad to make the head and foot of the bed go up and down. He’d just gotten it into perfect position when a nurse came in to change the sheets and raised a brow at him. “You don’t look like you belong in that bed.” He blushed and slid off the side and back into his chair with a mumbled apology. “Sorry.” She winked, making him blush harder, and went about her business. Teagan was glad to see Cash being wheeled back in just as the nurse finished up. “Hey,” Teagan said, standing up and watching as the orderly helped Cash back into bed. “How’d it go?” “Fine, I guess, ‘cept for the part where I had to lie on the freezing table in this fine piece of quality clothing.” Cash indicated his thin hospital gown. The orderly chuckled and made sure to pull the blankets up high. “You had a sheet.” “That room was fifty below zero,” Cash answered, but without his usual caustic tone. He grinned at the orderly and yanked the blankets up to his chin. “You try lying on a cold table with your bits hangin’ out while people take pictures of your brain.” The orderly laughed again and adjusted Cash’s bed. He said something else but it was lost on Teagan while Teagan tried to figure out what was off about Cash. Cowboy looked the same, sounded the same. It was just something slightly different in the way he was acting, as if a switch had been flipped and the sarcastic, biting tone had been replaced by something softer, more personable. Or maybe Teagan was just tired and wishing on things that were only imaginary. The orderly left, nurses came and went, and breakfast was delivered. Teagan watched Cash pick at the pancakes on his plate and realized he, himself, was starving. His stomach rumbled loudly in reaction to the syrup smell. Cash looked up when he heard the sound. “Hungry? Shoot, you must be. Want this? It don’t look so good to me right now.” “You should eat it,” Teagan said, but his mouth was already watering, even if it was only hospital pancakes. “Make you a deal,” Cash said with a small grin. “You eat my breakfast and tell ‘em I ate it all like a good boy. Then later you can bring me real food for dinner. Barbecue.” “Done,” Teagan laughed, pulling Cash’s tray-table closer and forking up a bite of pancakes and syrup. Cash watched him and then lay back on his pillow. “Okay,” he said tiredly, and Teagan noticed the wan color had returned to his cheeks. “I’m just gonna rest a little.” Teagan ate quietly, one eye on his food and the other on Cash. Things were starting to take on a rather surreal quality, from the pleasant, civil conversation he and Cash were having, to the doctor’s revelation the night before that Cash possibly had some form of memory loss. Or maybe Teagan just needed a nap.

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Cash was having one, in any case, and that was good. His breakfast tray was cleared by a candy striper and Teagan relaxed back into his chair, prepared to wait as long as it took for the doctor to return and give him any kind of information at all. “As long as it took” turned out to be not long at all. The doctor--whose name Teagan finally determined to be Moore--brought Cash’s films in for Teagan to examine. Teagan didn’t know the first thing about what he was looking at, however, and he figured his confusion must’ve shown on his face because Dr. Moore whipped out his pen and starting stabbing at spots on the image. “Here,” he said brusquely, pointing to a narrow spot nearly in the center of the image. “This is his hippocampus. It affects memory. If it gets bumped, bruised, or damaged, there are resulting problems.” Teagan squinted at the film, trying to see what the doctor saw but failing. He glanced over his shoulder at Cash. Cash was watching both of them carefully, eyes darting back and forth from the picture of his brain to the doctor and then to Teagan. There was a wrinkle between his brows and his color remained pale, and Teagan didn’t like the anxious look on his face. He’d seen Cash show a lot of emotion, most of it some variation of pissed off, but he’d never looked as vulnerable or nervous as he was looking now. “So what happens next?” Teagan asked, wanting to rush this along so Cash would just stop looking so uneasy. Cash had done all right until this point, but Teagan supposed the last twenty-four hours were starting to catch up with him. “Now he goes for a consult to confirm. I’ll send up a request; the psych should be down sometime this afternoon.” The doctor whipped the films off the light box again and jammed them back into their folder. “It would be helpful if you’d stay here, since your presence seems calming for him.” And then he was gone again, presumably to visit other patients on his caseload. Teagan stared at the empty light box where the pictures of Cash’s brain had been just moments before. He had no idea how or why things had shifted so dramatically in the last day, but it seemed that everyone involved with Cash’s care now considered Teagan the sole recipient of all medical information. Shoot, Teagan was just a cowboy. He finally turned and looked at Cash again, who appeared no less distressed than he had a minute ago. There was a certain vulnerability there that touched Teagan, although he didn’t like it. Cash wasn’t vulnerable or uneasy or anxious; at least, not the Cash that Teagan had come to know over the past months. Cash Whitmore was stubborn and opinionated and prone to fighting and had a mouth that… Teagan widened his eyes and cut himself off before his brain got even more out of control. He approached the bed and sank down into his now-familiar chair, trying on a grin and winking at Cash. “You and me, bud,” he said, adding a cheerful lilt to his tone. “Think they got a deck of cards around this place?” Cash swallowed hard and looked at him, that wrinkle still furrowing his forehead. “Teagan,” he said, “what day is it?” Oh, shit. Teagan so wasn’t ready for this. “Um. Wednesday. You’ve been in here since midnight last night.” Blue-green eyes strayed to the window where the sky was slate gray, typical of Nevada in December. “Are we still in Abilene?”

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“No,” Teagan said carefully, “Abilene was in July.” Cash’s gaze left the window and returned to Teagan’s face. “It’s not July?” “It’s the first week in December.” Cash gave no immediate indication that he’d even heard Teagan’s words, but Teagan was sitting close enough to see the pulse point in Cash’s neck begin to speed up. Cash stared at Teagan, unmoving. “December.” “December.” Teagan darted a glance at the door and wondered how fast he could get someone in the room if Cash freaked out. “So where are we?” “Nevada. S’posed to be up in California in three days. Red Bluff.” Teagan ignored the sinking feeling that told him even if Cash was out of the hospital by then, they weren’t making it to Red Bluff. At least, not together. Christ, they still had at least two months of roping season left, and they were number twelve in the standings. They needed to stay above fifteen to finish up decently. Teagan shoved the selfish thoughts away. They could figure it out in the next week or so. Right at this minute, the important thing was wiping the panicked expression off Cash’s face. “Don’t worry on it,” Teagan said firmly. “Ain’t gonna help your head. We’ll figure out what to do once you get out of here.” The implication that Teagan wasn’t going to run off to California without Cash seemed to calm him some. “Okay,” Cash said, relaxing back into his pillow. “When I’m out of here.” One of the nurses actually did manage to find them a deck of cards and they spent an hour or so playing sort of a bastardized version of Blackjack. Teagan tried hard not to notice Cash’s occasional confusion with the game, instead just dealing him cards when he needed them, whether Cash asked for them or not. At least the man still knew the basic rules of twenty-one. Teagan was relieved; he wasn’t sure if he could have a roping partner that didn’t know how to play cards. When the psychiatrist finally showed up to take Cash and the room was quiet again, Teagan flipped on the television for lack of anything better to do. Morning talk shows, infomercials, and reruns populated the stations, so he settled on a news channel and dealt himself a game of solitaire. Maybe there’d be a clip of yesterday’s bull riders or something. Teagan was only half-listening when the news announcer said something about a horse and rider that caught his attention. He glanced up at the tv in time to see flashing lights and reporters and… damn if that wasn’t Delilah being led away by a cowboy Teagan recognized from their first day in Nevada. He blinked at the television and then Jesus Christ, there was Cash being loaded up into the back of an ambulance, lying still as stone on the gurney. Must’ve been a slow news day, Teagan thought, watching the reporter try to make up a sensational story about finding a cowboy lying on his side in the mud at midnight. No one had even gotten shot. There was a little bit of niggling guilt that all this had been happening while Teagan slept, but really, how could he have known? And the way things had been between himself and Cash lately, well. It’s not like Cash would have welcomed Teagan’s attention. He sighed and tossed the rest of the cards onto Cash’s bed. Teagan had a feeling that things were about to 66

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change, whether he wanted them to or not. The question was, did he want them to? The time ticked by and Teagan measured it in half-hour increments, depending on how often the television shows changed. He was already tired of staring at the walls and it hadn’t even been a full day, but then Teagan tried to imagine how Cash must be feeling and there was that damn guilt again. The orderly eventually appeared in the doorway with a worn and tired Cash, and Teagan leapt to his feet to help him back into bed. “Make ‘em stop askin’ me stuff,” Cash mumbled, eyes half-closed. “Stop asking him stuff,” Teagan said to the orderly, who grinned. “Not me, man. All those pushy doctors upstairs. Let him sleep a while, he’ll be good as new.” Teagan doubted the “good as new” part, but the sleeping part seemed to be in order. Cash’s eyes were already closed anyway, gold-tipped lashes resting on pale cheeks. “Thanks,” Teagan nodded to the orderly, who just shrugged and wheeled the chair away. Cash slept and Teagan watched more mindless television and noted the shadows on the wall from the window. The sun had broken through weakly, although offered no warmth to the desert winter, and Teagan fixated on the elongating shadows. Cash’s dinner tray had just been delivered when Dr. Moore once again came bustling in with Cash’s chart. “Mr. Whitmore!” the doctor said, tapping the end of his pen against the medical folder. “Your psych work up has been completed.” The silver cover of Cash’s dinner tray clattered noisily to the table as Cash glanced up, startled. “How come you’re always yellin’?” he grumbled, tearing the dinner roll into pieces. Dr. Moore ignored the tone and addressed Teagan. “Mr. Rafferty. Let me explain to you the results of Mr. Whitmore’s exam.” Teagan remained in the chair, but nodded and hoped his stomach wouldn’t growl while the doctor was speaking to him. Damn, he hadn’t really had a decent meal today. “Sure,” he said, glancing at Cash. “Mr. Whitmore seems to have retrograde amnesia.” He stopped and waited expectantly. The doctor might as well have been speaking Greek. “Beg pardon?” Teagan said. “’Less you’re talking about horses or steer, you’re gonna have to use regular words.” Cash snorted behind his dinner roll and the doctor looked pained. “It is a form of amnesia that results from head trauma, which we know Mr. Whitmore suffered when he fell from his horse.” “Yeah, are you sure that really happened?” Cash interrupted. “Cause I don’t fall off horses, man.” It was Teagan’s turn to snort, but the doctor just maintained his pained expression and continued. “With this type of memory loss, patients are unable to recall particular events that occurred before the injury.” That sounded stupid to Teagan. “What other kinds of amnesia are there?” he asked. “Because not remembering crap is the only kind I know about.” “We’re very fortunate he does not also have anterograde amnesia, which can occur simultaneously. Mr. Whitmore would have been unable to retain anything in his long-term memory. He would have been unable 67

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to transfer anything over from his short-term memory and encode it to long-term.” It was a lot of information given in words he wasn’t familiar with. Teagan knew he wasn’t dumb, but he was no doctor and knew he would need time to process what he was being told. “All right,” he said slowly, trying to make his brain form any of the thousand questions he knew he’d have as soon as the doctor left. “So how do I know what he remembers and what he don’t?” “Ask him,” Dr. Moore shrugged, as if everything were that simple. “Ask him,” Teagan repeated, looking over at Cash. Cash shrugged and took a bite of the bread he was still holding, but not before Teagan saw the flash of confusion and trepidation in his eyes. “Correct,” the doctor said, shifting from foot to foot and looking as if he was about to dash off again. “You can ask him. Or he’ll ask you, if there is uncertainty, which there naturally will be.” “So… when does he start to remember stuff?” Teagan asked, wondering vaguely if Cash was bothered by them discussing him as if he wasn’t there. Dr. Moore sighed. “That’s not readily answered. There is no cure for retrograde amnesia, but his memory could be jogged by exposing him to things that he’s already familiar with and that have significance to his life. Bring him to where he grew up, for instance. Introduce him to people he knows but may not recall. Most importantly, let him dictate his own pace. It’s very common for amnesia victims to be easily stressed by what they don’t remember.” “All right,” Teagan nodded, for lack of anything else to say. He still wasn’t sure how responsibility for Cash had fallen into his hands, but the occasional signs of distress that Cash had shown over the past day were enough to convince Teagan that he needed to see this through. “Is there a number to call or something if we have questions?” The doctor smiled a little and scrawled something on a piece of paper. He handed it to Teagan with a sigh. “This is the number of a very good psychologist. I don’t really recommend any kind of therapy for Mr. Whitmore, barring any kind of serious emotional distress, of course, but if there are questions, call him. Consider it an off-the-record referral.” Teagan glanced at the number and shoved the paper in the back pocket of his jeans. “Gotcha. Thanks, Doc.” He extended his hand and the doctor shook it firmly. “You’re welcome,” he nodded. “We’ll see about getting Mr. Whitmore discharged tomorrow. He remains our esteemed guest for one more night.” “This is what you serve ‘esteemed guests’?” Cash asked, poking with his fork at what looked like baked chicken. There was no bite to his words, however, and again Teagan noted the lack of familiar sharpness in Cash’s way of speaking. The doctor chuckled on his way out. “Be glad you’re not on an all-liquid diet,” he said, pointing his pen in Cash’s direction. “Those are for the really esteemed guests.” Cash stopped making holes in his chicken with his fork and dropped the silverware to the tray. “One more night,” he said, darting a glance at Teagan and then away. “Are you… you don’t have to stay.” “Shoot, yeah, I do,” Teagan said with an eyeroll. He used his leg to nudge the chair right up next to the edge of the bed and then sprawled in it. “I’m on a winning streak. You owe me fifty bucks so far.” Teagan 68

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reached over to the tray table and snagged the pack of cards, tossing them into Cash’s lap. “You scared to play any more hands?” The fleeting look of relief that passed over Cash’s face was all the payment Teagan needed. “Fuck you, ain’t scared,” Cash grinned, shaking the deck out of the box. “Five card draw, aces and twos wild.” “Deal the cards,” Teagan laughed.

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Ten

Cash left the hospital with a lot less fanfare than Teagan expected. Teagan wasn’t sure what he had anticipated, exactly, but somehow he thought there would have been a bigger fuss. Instead, Dr. Moore signed off discharge papers, an orderly wheeled Cash to the curb, and helped him into Teagan’s truck. The orderly was already disappearing back into the hospital with the wheelchair by the time Cash got his seatbelt buckled. Teagan sat there for a minute, letting the truck idle. “That’s it?” he asked. He indicated the aftercare instructions in Cash’s hand. “That’s all we get?” “I guess,” Cash shrugged, looking down at the paperwork. “You wanted more?” “S’pose not,” Teagan replied, popping the emergency brake and pulling away from the white curb. “Guess they don’t consider memory loss a big deal, compared to all those other people with broken bones and shit.” Teagan hadn’t meant for it to be funny, but Cash laughed out loud anyway. “Jeeze, Teag. I’m the one with the actual memory loss, but you’re a lot pissier’n me.” Teagan looked over at Cash and figured there must have been an odd look on his face, because Cash said, “What?” in response. “You never used to call me that,” Teagan said, turning his eyes back to the road in time to see a traffic light turn red. “Oh.” Cash sounded thoughtful. “Wha’d I used to call you?” He was about to say it and for some reason changed his mind. “Nothing special. Just an old nickname.” “Pumpkin?” Cash grinned, eyes lighting up. “Sugarpop? Boo-Bear?” “Boo-Bear?” Teagan wrinkled his nose and couldn’t help laughing. “Right.” A thought occurred to him and he slid a sideways look at Cash. “You called me the greatest lay you’ve ever had.” He waited for the inevitable snort of derision. None came. Teagan pulled up to the next red light and looked over to find Cash watching him with a curious expression. “Teagan,” Cash said slowly, “we weren’t… were we… sleeping together?” Oh, fuckity fuck, fuck, fuck. Teagan jerked his eyes back to the road. Now what, dumbass? he derided himself. Better tell him yes! It was the smart choice to make. It was the truth, and after all, it wasn’t like they were still fucking. Cash didn’t remember they were having sex, so he wasn’t going to remember how they’d ended it. All Teagan had to say was that yes, they’d fucked around, and no, they weren’t any more. But all the embarrassment Teagan had felt when he’d discovered that he wasn’t the only one Cash was screwing was still fresh, and the temptation to make that all go away was too strong. The doctor had said 70

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there would be memories that Cash would never recover, and chances were good that this was one of them. “No,” Teagan heard himself say, and forced out a chuckle. “Christ, you and me? We were at each other’s throats most of the time anyway. Only time we weren’t fighting was when we were roping.” There was some truth to it, but Teagan felt guilt niggle at him sharply. “Okay,” Cash said, sounding relieved. “Figured I’d remember something like that anyway.” It stung unexpectedly. “Yeah,” Teagan said softly, making the left turn into the parking lot of their motel. “Figure you prolly would.” *** They weren’t making it to California for Red Bluff. Teagan found himself to be okay with that, because fortunately the rest of the season had treated them well enough that he’d been able to send Lori a fairly decent amount of money. She’d called just last week to say that with the last sum Teagan had sent, she’d been able to pay off a debt or two and buy back another horse. He wondered now if he should call and tell her about Cash. Teagan wasn’t sure what he really expected Loribeth to say. She’d made it clear from the beginning that she wasn’t getting involved with Cash Whitmore, so Teagan didn’t know why she even really needed to know about Cash’s accident. Unless, of course, Teagan took Cash back home with him to Wyoming. Teagan had been thinking about it for several days. His options about what to do next were limited. He could go on alone to wherever their next stop after California was and do some solo roping to finish out the season. Cash was welcome to accompany him, of course, but somehow Teagan didn’t think Cash would feel that tagging along was okay. The only other choice was to bring Cash back to the ranch and try to explain to Lori why Teagan felt it was necessary. The man couldn’t stay alone; he could barely remember why he and Teagan even knew each other in the first place. Teagan had gently questioned him about what Cash could actually recall, and the answers had been disheartening. “I remember practice rounds at your place before the season started,” Cash had said quietly as he lounged on the motel bed in jeans and sock feet. “You made me show up at seven in the morning, most days.” “Eight,” Teagan grinned, feeling a slight, embarrassed flush. “But… well. Okay, Teag? I don’t know how we knew each other before the season.” Cash sounded ashamed, as if perhaps he thought that he and Teagan were friends from way back and Cash should be remembering that. “We didn’t,” Teagan was quick to assure. “I needed a heeler. People said you were solo roping, so I asked. You said yeah.” He left out the part where Cash hadn’t been the most eager of volunteers. “Okay,” Cash mused. “Okay, yeah. Makes sense, I guess.” He looked around their slightly messy room and sighed. “So… you’ll be wantin’ to move on, right?” He kept his tone casual but it was too practiced, too studied. “Dunno,” Teagan shrugged, despite having pretty much made up his mind that there was no way he’d leave 71

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Cash to his own devices. “Gotta see. It depends.” “On?” “On if you got family or anywhere I can take you that you remember,” Teagan said honestly. “’Cause I ain’t just leaving you here in the middle of goddamned Nevada. I mean shit, who the hell knows if you even remember how to drive? Or ride a fucking horse?” Cash laughed at the joke and flipped him off. “I know how to drive a damn car.” He ignored the horse part completely, since he’d been visiting with Delilah in her rented stall every day, crooning to her and brushing her and just itching to get on her back. Teagan had caught him sitting on her one day, although Cash had been instructed not to ride for at least a week. But there was no doubt that Teagan was relieved to see him up there where he belonged. “Okay, so you remember how to ride,” Teagan said with an exaggerated eyeroll. “But you’re not staying here, man. Either tell me about some family you’ve got or come with me back home.” “Don’t know if my daddy would be too glad to see me,” Cash said. “And that’s all the family I got.” He paused and cocked his head. “I think.” Teagan sighed and nodded. The doctor had said it was very possible that Cash wouldn’t recall close friends and family members, so if there were any, Teagan might not ever know. Cash hadn’t been open about his life or background even when he had a perfectly functional memory. “Then it’s home to Pine Bluffs. You’re cleared to drive, yeah? We’ll leave tomorrow.” The fact that Cash put up no protest did not escape Teagan, as did the perpetual sense of relief Cash seemed to exude every time Teagan assured him he wasn’t just going to abandon him to the wilds. It made Teagan recall what Lori had said about Cash’s mother taking off when Cash was young, and it seemed rather sad that Loribeth had been able to tell Teagan more about Cash than Cash had himself. “Okay, yeah. Tomorrow,” Cash repeated, glancing around their room. “Gettin’ awful tired of these four walls.” “And take-out,” Teagan grimaced, toeing a pizza box. “Want home cooking.” The smell of Lori’s homemade macaroni and cheese suddenly hit his sense-memory and Teagan had an instant of homesickness. Yeah, maybe it was time to head out. “Home cooking,” Cash echoed. “Yeah. My pop used to make a meatloaf that would melt in your mouth.” He paused, looking a bit confused. “I have no idea if I knew that from before or just now remembered it. Or something.” Teagan smiled at him. “Either way, it’s good. So we’ll head out tomorrow, yeah?” “Yeah,” Cash nodded, apparently distracted by his thoughts. “Tomorrow.” *** It was a two-day drive with the horses and trailers, and it took them exactly that long. Teagan spent most of it with one eye on his rearview mirror, watching to be sure that Cash was close behind him. Teagan had called Lori last night when they’d stopped at a Best Western in Utah. He’d sent Cash on ahead 72

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to the little diner next door, saying he’d be along in a minute, and then perched on the edge of the bed with the cheap motel phone. “I’m coming home, Lor.” There was confused silence for a moment. “Before the season’s over? Are you all right, Teagan?” “Yep. Just needed to end a little early this year. We’ll be all right, just have to wait on buyin’ back the three mares from Baker’s farm and maybe just go with two.” Teagan bit at the edge of his thumbnail and waited for a reaction. “Teagan James Rafferty. You’ve never ended a season early in all your twenty years of roping steer. Is this because of Cash Whitmore?” Lori sounded as if she were perched on the edge of an ‘I told you so’. “… Yeah,” he said, after a minute. “It is. But not how you’re thinking, Lor. I, um. I’ll explain it when we get there.” “We?” Her voice was sharp. Teagan winced a little. He should have known he wouldn’t be able to sneak that by. “Yeah, we. He’s gonna come home with me. I’ll explain that when we get there, too.” “Yes, Teagan,” Lori said frostily. “You will.” Teagan looked at the phone and wondered if she’d ever hung up on him before. He was still a mite nervous about Loribeth’s reaction as he pulled into the long drive. Snow lined the way and dusted the tops of the barns, but the grounds were dry and the sky didn’t look like it had anything heavier to dump down. Teagan noted that the cracked front window of the house had been replaced and he felt a clear moment of joy at being home. Teagan pulled nearly all the way around the circular drive in front of the house, leaving room for Cash to park right behind him. He got out of the cab of his truck and pressed both hands to his lower back, arching and stretching and trying to work out two days’ worth of kinks. Cash did the same for a moment, then looked around Teagan’s land with an inscrutable expression. “I remember practicing here,” he nodded, rolling a bit of his lower lip into his mouth. “But… that’s about all. If you told me anything else about your place, I don’t remember.” Cash was apologetic and uncomfortable and Teagan shook his head. “Nothing to remember,” he shrugged. “Was my daddy’s horse ranch. Nearly went bankrupt, dragged ourselves out of the muck by the skin of our teeth, and we’re getting back on solid ground. Lots of empty stalls in the barn, but they’re filling up fast.” Cash nodded and shoved his hands in his back pockets as he glanced around. “Who’s we?” he asked, but before Teagan could register that, the front door opened and Lori pushed at the screen door. “Welcome home,” she said to Teagan, and for a second Teagan actually thought she was too mad to hug him. Her back was ramrod-straight and her mouth was flattened into a thin line, gray eyes snapping, and her hands were clasped together in front of her. Teagan swept off his hat and clutched it in both hands, unsure about whether or not to approach. “Hey, 73

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pretty,” he tried, fingers worrying his hat brim. Man, women were frightening sometimes. Lori’s eyes narrowed and an eyebrow shot up. “Come over here and let me look at you,” she commanded, so Teagan had no choice but to go. She looked him up and down critically as if expecting to find an injury or something Teagan hadn’t told her about. He stood with his hat in his hands and didn’t say a word, just waiting, until Lori finally sighed and pulled him in for a tight hug. “You look all right,” she murmured, giving him a squeeze before letting go. “Shoot, Lor. Told you I was.” Teagan winked and smiled at her, making her snort. “You tell me a lot of things I don’t believe.” But her eyes were soft. Teagan stepped back a little and cleared his throat, glancing over his shoulder to see where Cash had gotten to. Cash stood leaning against the passenger door of his truck, watching Teagan and Lori with no discernible expression on his face. He looked back at Lori and found her studying the other man. Cash looked back with a slight smile, but that was all. Teagan had no idea what to expect until Lori said, “Cassius,” with a lift of her chin. Cash blinked. “Ma’am,” he said in return, eyes flicking to Teagan for a moment before returning to search Lori’s face. He doesn’t remember, Teagan realized in an instant. Christ, he doesn’t remember her. “Um,” he said hastily, not really wanting to get into this on the front porch, “I’m starving. How long ‘til supper, Lor?” “An hour,” she replied, still focused on Cash. “You two can wash up. Clean sheets on both beds.” “Thanks,” Teagan said, turning around and heading toward the truck. “We’ll settle the animals and be in after that.” Cash followed his lead and got back behind the wheel of his own vehicle. Teagan figured the guy was probably wondering about the obvious non-introduction, but Teagan really needed a few minutes alone with Lori to explain the situation. Hopefully that could happen while Cash was cleaning up for dinner. Bram and Joe strolled out to help unload the horses without a single question regarding Teagan’s early return. He appreciated that, just as he’d appreciated their hard work for his father’s ranch, and Teagan made a note to give them some kind of bonus this year. Cash and Teagan got the horses out and then Joe and Bram took it from there, subtly hinting to Teagan that he better damn well get on up to the house and let them do their jobs. Teagan shrugged and let them lead Tag and Delilah to a stall, motioning to Cash that they should go on in. Cash trailed Teagan upstairs, looking around with interest. Teagan thought for a minute that Cash didn’t remember the times he’d been in the house, but then realized the man had just never been upstairs before. Teagan pointed him in the direction of the guest bedroom and then the bathroom. “Dinner’s in an hour,” he reminded Cash, then shook his head. “No. Forty-five minutes, now. Don’t be late or Lori will give you the cold shoulder all the way through the peach cobbler.” “Peach cobbler?” Cash looked hopeful. “Ice cream too, yeah?” “Yeah,” Teagan laughed. “She wouldn’t serve it without ice cream.” 74

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Cash nodded and tossed his hat to the bed. “So Lori’s your… wife?” The quirking of his mouth told Teagan he was joking. “Stepmomma,” Teagan chuckled. “Was married to my daddy for thirteen years before he died.” “I’m sorry,” Cash said immediately, but Teagan brushed him off. No sense mourning his father with someone who didn’t remember him. “Forty-five minutes,” he repeated, and left Cash standing in the bedroom. If the man was going to strip down and shower, Teagan definitely didn’t want to be there to see it. Well, actually, he did. But that would be the worst fucking idea of Teagan’s life. Ignoring his own need to wash away the grime of the road, Teagan went to his bedroom and toed off his boots before going back downstairs in sock feet. He found Lori in the kitchen, stirring a giant vat of redbean chili. “Take the cornbread out of the oven,” she said immediately, before Teagan could even open his mouth. He did as he was told, setting it on the rack to cool and knowing it would be too hot to pinch off a corner. “Want me to shred cheese for the chili?” “I want you to tell me why Cassius Whitmore stood there and looked like he’d never seen me a day in his life.” Of course she would come right to the point. Lori always did. “He had a small accident,” Teagan said slowly, taking the cheese out of the refrigerator and placing it on the counter. “Got thrown off Delilah.” He left out the “and was probably drunk” part. “And?” Lori prompted. “The boy looked all right to me. He get hit in the head?” Teagan knew Lori didn’t expect an affirmative answer, but that was all there was to give. “Well… yeah. He did.” She stopped stirring but didn’t turn around. “Teagan, for pity’s sake. Stop waffling around and tell me what I need to know.” “He fell off his horse, got hit in the head, and the doctors say he’s got retro… retro--shit, I can’t remember what the hell it’s called. Amnesia. Memory loss.” Teagan wondered if the cornbread was cool enough yet to snatch a corner. The spoon splashed back into the chili and Lori turned around, hands on her hips. “Are you telling me that man doesn’t remember anything? Nothing?” “Not ‘nothing’,” Teagan said. “He remembers me. And that we were riding together before he fell. Except when he came to, he thought it was July. And he’s got gaps. He don’t even really know what’s missing from the gaps, though.” “Gaps,” Lori said, mulling it over. “I see. Clearly, I’m one of those gaps.” “I guess,” Teagan shrugged. “Doc said anything could jar his memory. He could wake up tomorrow and know you.” 75

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“Where will he be waking up?” Teagan straightened up and looked her square in the eye. “Here,” he said firmly. “He’s got nowhere to go, Lor. Least, nowhere he knows about. He remembers his daddy but he don’t even know if they’re on good terms. If he has a place to live, he don’t remember. I’m sorry, Lor, but I can’t just turn him loose like this.” Lori pursed her lips. “Well, of course you can’t, Teagan. I’m glad you realize that.” She turned back around to stir her chili with a shake of her head. Teagan stared at her back. Never in a million years would he ever get the female race. “I’ll just wash up,” he said, half expecting her to reconsider, call him back, and order Cash from the house. When Lori just nodded and began slicing hot cornbread, Teagan left the kitchen. Back upstairs to his bedroom, passing the guestroom on the way and glancing in, Teagan meant to keep going. He didn’t mean to do a double-take like a cartoon character, and he certainly didn’t mean to stop dead in his tracks and stare at a bare-chested Cash. Clad only in jeans, tiny droplets of water from his shower still lingering on his shoulders, Cash was holding his dirty t-shirt in distaste. He glanced up when Teagan’s shadow fell on the doorway. “Oh, hey,” Cash said, dropping his shirt to the floor. “Left my bag in the truck. You got a t-shirt I could wear down to dinner? I’ll go grab my stuff after we eat.” Teagan forced his gaze from the tiny, barely visible trail of golden hairs disappearing into the waistband of Cash’s low-slung jeans. “Shirt. Uh. Course, yeah.” “Okay,” Cash said, stuffing his hands in his front pockets and making his jeans ride even lower. “Um. Now?” Teagan dragged his eyes up to Cash’s face, totally unaware that he’d gone back to staring at the man’s stomach until Cash spoke. “Hm? Oh! Shirt, right.” He shook his head and moved to his bedroom, cursing under his breath. Teagan was not going to get caught up in Cash’s mysterious spell again. He just wasn’t. Except his cock was already stiffening in his jeans just from seeing Cash’s bare chest. That was definitely not conducive to not getting caught up, and Teagan muttered to his dick to behave. It didn’t listen, which was pretty much the usual, so Teagan tried ignoring it instead while he grabbed a clean shirt for Cash. Teagan gave his cock one more stern warning and turned to bring the t-shirt back to the other bedroom. He took one step and nearly collided with Cash in the doorway. “Whoa,” Teagan said, not expecting him. “Here.” He thrust the shirt in Cash’s general direction and took a step back. “Thanks.” Cash caught the hastily-thrown shirt with a strange look and pulled it over his head. The soft, worn cotton stretched across his chest and fitted tightly over his biceps and Teagan called himself seven kinds of asshole for grabbing one of his oldest, smallest shirts by mistake. “See you downstairs,” Teagan said, and brushed past Cash to get to the hallway. He stomped down the steps, unsure of whether he was mad at Cash for not having a shirt on or himself for noticing. Dinner was quiet, as Teagan expected. Lori asked them innocuous questions about their season. Cash kept up his end of the conversation with extreme politeness, to the point where Lori finally sighed and said, “Cassius, we’ve known each other for years. You may stop calling me ‘ma’am’, if you please.”

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Teagan buttered a second piece of cornbread and watched Cash from under his lashes. Cash’s cheeks pinked slightly and he took a long drink of ice water from his glass. “Yes, ma’am,” he mumbled, swiping at his mouth with a napkin and making Lori crack a reluctant smile. “Teagan tells me you don’t remember. That is probably fortunate for you, because it means you get to sit at my table and eat my food.” Her words were frank but the tone was gentle, and Teagan appreciated the effort she was making. Cash raised his eyes to study her. “You don’t like me,” he stated. “Didn’t,” Lori corrected. “Apparently, we don’t know each other the way we used to. I’m not sure what that means as far as me liking you now.” Teagan took a bite of his bread and saw Cash nod once. “Fair enough,” Cash said quietly. “S’pose you’ll figure it out eventually.” “I suppose I will,” Lori said, and got up to clear the dishes. Peach cobbler was served all around, second helpings finding their way to Teagan and Cash’s plates, and then dishes were done by all three of them. By the time the cups and flatware were drying in the rack, Cash was yawning widely enough to make his eyes water. “Go on,” Lori shooed them. “Up to bed. Horses to feed in the morning.” Both of them went without protest, although Teagan would have liked to talk to Lori a little more about Cash and the current situation. He was weary too, however, and the thought of the bed he hadn’t slept in for months was too enticing to pass up. He gave Lori a kiss on the cheek and followed Cash up the stairs. They parted in the hallway with barely a nod and Teagan ran himself through a perfunctory shower. He managed to ignore his half-hard cock during most of it, despite lingering just for a minute with the washcloth and soap. The towel on the rack was thick and fluffy and a welcome change from dryer-scorched motel towels. Teagan shook his head at his reflection in the mirror when he realized that fresh, soft towels were right behind home cooking on his list of things he missed most while on the road. He slipped naked into bed between cool sheets. They smelled differently than he remembered; Lori must have changed laundry detergent or softener or whatever she used to make the clothes smell good. It was a light scent of something citrusy, something fresh and clean that reminded Teagan of the orange trees in California. Teagan lay on his back and let his hand drift lazily toward his cock. He was tired, yes, but he’d had an uncomfortable erection all through dinner just from seeing Cash with no shirt on. Teagan knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep unless he had a little relief. He started by using just his fingertips. Lightly, softly, no need to hurry. He was home and not in a motel room and there was no white-blond cowboy waiting to use the shower after Teagan was done or mumbling in his sleep in the other bed, mere feet away. Teagan could go slow, so he did. Touching himself with the calloused pads of his fingers, Teagan ran them down his own length and over his balls. His legs parted and his cock twitched and filled in response to the gentle caress. Just his fingertips, down and up and down again, circling his sac and stopping to squeeze his heavy balls before finally making a loose fist around his dick.

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Teagan let out a slow breath and brushed his thumb over the crown, finger slipping in the clear fluid that had already gathered there. He spread the slickness down over his prick, adding a little spit to the mix and creating the right amount of lube that would get him where he was going. If his hands were shaking slightly, it only meant that Teagan was needy and desperate and had to get off quickly. It had nothing to do with the visions of Cash’s mouth around his shaft, it had nothing at all to do with the memories of the long nights they’d spent fucking each other to celebrate a good ride or console each other after a bad one. Teagan sped up, his hand sliding easily now over the tight, hot skin. His hips moved of their own accord as he jacked himself. Up into his fist and then down into the bed, over and over until the groan that was building threatened to burst its way from his chest and shatter the stillness that had fallen over the house. It was right there, Teagan could feel his elusive climax hovering just at the brink, and a whimper of frustration escaped as he tugged even harder at himself. He squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth and remembered the last time he and Cash had sex before calling it quits. Over the edge of the bed, Cash draped out beneath him, skin slick with sweat and the trails left by Teagan’s mouth. Cash had begged, had cried out “Teagan, please,” with enough desperation to make Teagan shoot before he’d even thought he was ready. The sound of that final, desperate “please” came back to Teagan now and without warning, everything got tight and hot and electric. Teagan’s back arched and his fist stroked twice more and then he was coming with a cry that he didn’t try to hold back, his spunk falling heavy and thick over his belly. When he woke in the morning, Teagan didn’t remember dreaming.

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Eleven

A week went by with no noticeable change in Cash’s condition. Teagan would ask him random questions about things they’d done together or people he knew, and sometimes Cash knew the answer. Sometimes he didn’t. The times he knew, those turquoise eyes would light up and Cash would grin and Teagan would have to look away quickly to avoid being trapped by the look of pure joy. The times when Cash didn’t know, the tiny wrinkle appeared between his brows and Teagan changed the subject fast, because to see Cash dejected and worried was almost worse. Cash learned his way around the ranch fast enough to make himself useful. Bram and the boys came to rely on his extra set of hands, although at first they’d been quiet and untrusting of Cash’s personality change. “Ain’t never heard of real-life people gettin’ that amnesia,” Joe said to Teagan the second night Cash was on the ranch. “Maybe he’s fakin’.” “The fuck would he be faking for?” Teagan asked, jabbing the pitchfork into fresh straw for the stalls. “Gee, Teagan, dunno. Maybe ‘cause he’s gettin’ all kinds of sympathy, plus free room and board? That guy ain’t so stupid.” If it had just been the free room and board, Teagan knew he would have been inclined to agree with Joe. Hell, Teagan had thought the same thing Joe had for the first day or two. But there was no way to explain to Joe or Bram or any of the men who worked for him that Cash couldn’t be faking the abrupt personality shift, or the way he’d given Loribeth a completely blank stare when they’d met out in front of the house last week. No, Teagan knew Cash wasn’t faking. What Teagan didn’t know was how to keep from falling hard for this new Cash, the one who gave him genuine smiles and cracked gentle jokes and was willing and happy to be near other people without a word of sarcasm. This new Cash was more dangerous than the old one. Teagan had jerked off at least three more times to the visions dancing behind his eyes, memories of small, dark motel rooms and tiny shower stalls and the smell of sex hanging thickly in the air. The guilt overtook him each time after he was finished; guilt for lying to Cash about the nature of their relationship and guilt for using the man for jerk-off material, whether he knew it or not. After watching Cash make nice with the hands and the animals alike, Teagan started watching Loribeth. She was still wary around the man, though she greeted him with a nod and slight smile in the mornings and quickly learned how he preferred his coffee. Teagan figured it was time to sit her down and find out just what had happened years ago. He cornered her before dinner one night when her hands were covered with oven mitts and Cash was still out in the lunge ring with one of the newer horses. “Lemme get it,” Teagan said to her, using a dishrag to remove the casserole from the oven. “Thank you, honey,” she answered, dropping the mitts on the counter and taking the salad out of the refrigerator. “How’s that new strawberry roan working out?” 79

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“She’s good, I think,” Teagan answered. “Gonna ride her tomorrow and see. Cash’s been working with her.”

“Mm. That boy’s not so bad with the horses.”

“No, he’s not,” Teagan said slowly. “Hey, Lor? Can you sit a spell?”

Lori raised her brow and lowered herself into a kitchen chair. “Reckon we have a few minutes while dinner

cools.”

Teagan took a beer from the icebox and sat across from her, fiddling with the label. “Cash’s done pretty

good around here.”

“I suppose,” she allowed. “Eats more than his share of cobbler, though.”

Teagan grinned a little and looked back down at his bottle. “Yeah, he does, at that.” He paused to uncap his

beer and take a drink before glancing back up at her again. “Are you ready to tell me why you don’t like

him?”

She considered Teagan for a long time before answering. “I’ll tell you the same thing I told him, Teagan.

When I knew Cash Whitmore, I didn’t like him. But I don’t know that boy anymore. So I don’t know if I

like him.”

“Okay,” Teagan nodded. “I get it. But… well, damn, Lori. I don’t know shit about the guy, he can’t tell me

much, and I figured it’s time someone knew somethin’.” He knew the swearing wouldn’t sit well with her,

but maybe it would get her attention.

“Are you interested in him?” she asked abruptly.

Whoops. Teagan hadn’t realized he’d given that much away. “I’m interested in knowing what his story is,”

he said, being careful.

“That is not what I meant.”

“I know it isn’t.” That was as much as he’d reveal for now.

There was a long silence in the kitchen, broken only by the faint sounds of the men outside with the horses.

Teagan waited.

“He didn’t like me with his father,” Lori said softly, her eyes gray and distant, looking back through all the

years. “He didn’t like that at all.”

“’Cause his momma was gone?”

“Because of everything,” Lori shrugged, giving Teagan a sad smile. “Because of his momma being gone.

Because his daddy was giving me the attention Cash had wanted while he was growing up. Because I tried to step in there and help his daddy out with the parenting, even though by then Cash was far beyond needing a momma. He was twenty years old and wild as the hills.” “Was he riding bull then?” Teagan asked, making sure to keep his tone quiet so as not to disturb the past Lori was looking in on.

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“Oh, yes,” she confirmed. “Bull riding was one of the tamer things that child did. He drank, he smoked, he got in fights, he whored around with women and men and didn’t much care who was in his bed. I’m sure there were drugs somewhere around there too, but I never asked and he wouldn’t have told me. And Luke just didn’t want to know. Not his baby boy with eyes like Cash’s momma.” Teagan vaguely remembered watching Cash stub out an alfalfa straw like a cigarette on the day they’d met. He’d wondered at the time if Cash was a smoker, because Teagan hadn’t seen Skoal rings in his jeans. Cowboys tended to either smoke or chew, sometimes both, but not often. “I tried everything I could think of,” Lori went on, looking right at Teagan but not seeing him. “Because I loved his father and his father wanted my help. I dragged that boy out of bars. I patched up his cheek after someone split it open. I put him to bed when he was reeking of liquor and held his head over the toilet three hours later. Because I wanted to help him, Teagan. And I wanted to help Luke. Both of them.” “And… Cash didn’t let you,” Teagan said, musing it over. “No. He certainly didn’t. He just got wilder, and you’d have thought by then that Luke would have washed his hands of it. The boy was an adult, after all. But Luke just couldn’t do that, couldn’t leave his child on that path of destruction. Until one night.” Teagan watched her as she looked at her memories. “What’d he do?” He was pretty sure it would be okay if Lori never told him, but he had been badgering her for months and now she was finally talking. “Three-day bender. Came home and couldn’t even see straight. I tried to shoo him into the bathroom for a hot shower, and he turned around and hit me.” Lori said it simply. “Backhanded me right across the mouth.” Teagan’s heart sank. “Oh, Lor. I--that’s… shoot.” There really was nothing to say. He knew Cash’s penchant for hitting first and fast. It had been years ago, and Teagan was pretty sure that striking women wasn’t something Cash still made a habit of, but it had happened. And it happened to Loribeth. “It was a long time ago,” Lori said, echoing Teagan’s thoughts. “And the man that’s been staying here for a week is nothing like the boy I knew. But you wanted to know why I don’t like Cash Whitmore.” “You left Luke after that?” “I did, yes. He didn’t ask me to stay. And he tried to cut things off with Cash. That was the word around town, at least. But within a month that boy was back under his daddy’s roof.” Lori sighed a little and studied her short, clean nails. “Cash was his child. He was all Luke had of the wife who left him.” She raised her eyes to Teagan’s. “Part of me didn’t blame him. But part of him did.” Teagan nodded and there was silence in the kitchen as they looked at each other. “Glad I know,” Teagan finally said, reaching out to give her hand a quick squeeze. “Good you told me.” “I don’t know if it is,” she answered, turning her hand to capture Teagan’s. “Because something tells me it doesn’t make one bit of difference to you.” She didn’t sound angry, though, and Teagan frowned at their joined hands. “It makes a difference,” he told her. And it did, he was speaking the truth. Teagan just wasn’t sure what kind of difference it made. “All right,” she agreed gently. “If you say it does, then it does. I suppose what I mean is that nothing’s going to change. I wouldn’t expect it to, Teagan. I see the way you look at that boy.” 81

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“He’s not a boy,” was his quiet reaction, and Lori gave him a small smile. “No, he isn’t. At least, he’s not the boy I knew. I spent quite a long time disliking Cash Whitmore, Teagan. Just because he doesn’t remember me doesn’t mean I can shut that right off, even though I’m trying.” Teagan nodded again and was about to speak when a sharp knock came at the back door. Lori and Teagan looked up to see Bram poke his head into the kitchen, an indefinable expression on his face. “Lor’beth,” he nodded, before looking at Teagan. “Teag, there’s, uh. Somethin’ y’all gotta take a look at.” Bram shifted from foot to foot and glanced back over his shoulder. “Before supper?” Teagan asked, eyeing the cooling casserole on the counter. “Go on,” Lori said, getting up from the table and taking the dishes out of the cupboard. “It’ll keep for another fifteen minutes.” Teagan got up and kissed her cheek. “Fifteen minutes.” He had no idea what Bram wanted, but there was no way it was standing between Teagan and dinner. He followed Bram out the door and down the back steps toward the horse barn. “Cash get the roan put away?” Bram nodded once but kept striding toward the barn without speaking, so Teagan just followed him and ignored the growling of his stomach. He walked into the building two steps behind Bram, wondering if something had gone wrong with the roan. “Bram. This better be something good if you’re takin’ me away from Lori’s chicken pie.” When he saw Cash, Joe, and Wade standing near Tagalong’s stall, Teagan would have been alarmed that something was wrong with his horse if he hadn’t just seen Tag in the paddock outside the barn. Wade opened the stall door as Teagan approached and motioned inside. “Real sorry, Teag,” Wade said, eyes on the straw. Teagan frowned. “The hell is wrong with y’all?” he asked, looking at all of them before turning to check the stall. “You’re looking at me like…” his voice trailed away when he finally realized what they’d all been standing around for. In the corner of Tag’s stall, curled up in the clean straw and looking for all the world like he was asleep, lay Rowdy. If Teagan had stumbled upon the dog himself, without all the sad faces standing around, he would have thought Rowdy was just napping like usual. The pup had always liked the horses’ stalls and the animals tolerated the dog well enough, so Rowdy snuck in when he could and nosed around for mice or a warm spot to sleep. But there was no quiet snoring from the dog; no slight rise and fall from his chest or a trembling back leg as he dreamed about rabbits. Teagan slipped into the stall and knelt down next to the ball of black fur, stroking a hand down the dog’s side. Rowdy was cool and stiff and Teagan wondered how long he’d been there before the boys had noticed him. “Good boy,” Teagan murmured quietly, still petting him. “Good dog, Rowdy.” There was a rustle in the straw next to him and then Cash was there too, crouching and putting a gentle hand on Rowdy’s fur. “Want to bury him?” Cash asked, his thumb stroking the soft spot on Rowdy’s grizzled forehead. Teagan nodded without speaking and scooped the black body into his arms. Rowdy was light, much lighter 82

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than Teagan remembered. Teagan thought back to the months before he’d left for the season, trying to recall if Rowdy had shown any signs of illness. Teagan knew Rowdy hadn’t; he was just aging. Faster than he’d suspected, apparently. The men moved for him as Teagan left the stall with his dog in his arms. “Thank you,” he nodded to all of them, taking in their looks of sympathy. They’d all liked the tiny black puppy that Teagan’s father had brought home twelve years ago, and Rowdy had followed each of them around the ranch as they worked. They nodded back, glancing at the dog and then away, and Teagan turned with Rowdy still in his arms. He walked out the door of the barn and across the yard to the back steps. Cash moved ahead of him to open the kitchen door and Teagan stood in the doorway and waited for Lori to turn around. “Sit yourself down for supper,” she said from the stove, then turned with two plates in her hand and one already on the table. “Oh,” she said softly, her gaze lighting on the limp body. “Under the pin cherry tree,” Teagan said. “Yes,” Lori answered, her eyes filling with tears but none escaping. “Wait for me.” Lori disappeared for a moment and came back with a white bed sheet. The three of them went out together, back across the yard and past the second horse barn until the leafless cherry tree came into view. There was already a shovel and a pick there and Teagan realized that Bram or Joe would have known where Rowdy should be buried. Cash reached wordlessly for the pick and began to dig in the hard dirt. Teagan stood next to Lori with Rowdy in his arms until Cash had made a hole. Lori spread the sheet in the hole, lining it, and then Teagan placed his dog in the ground and watched as Lori wrapped Rowdy in the clean linen. When she brushed off her hands and stood back, Teagan handed her the shovel. Lori scooped up a small shovelful of crumbling dirt and sprinkled it on the still body, then handed the shovel back so Teagan could do the same. When Rowdy was buried and the mound of dirt Cash had scooped out was smooth again, Teagan searched the nearby area and found a flat stone to lay over the little grave. “Good boy,” he whispered one more time, setting the stone in the dirt and giving it a pat. He straightened up and looked to Lori and Cash. “Well, that’s done,” Lori said quietly, her eyes red but dry. “Alexander’s got his pup back.” Teagan nodded, liking the thought that his father and Rowdy were playing fetch together somewhere. “Let’s go have dinner.” The three of them made their way back without speaking. Loribeth put supper on the table and they ate in silence, broken only by Cash asking politely for more. When the meal was finished, Teagan put a hand on Lori’s arm to stop her from doing the dishes. “Got it, Lor. Go on up to bed.” She looked for a moment like she might argue, then sighed and inclined her head. “All right.” Lori placed one hand on Teagan’s cheek and kissed him. “Bring the leftovers out to the bunkhouse.” She left the kitchen quietly, shoulders bowed. Cash moved to help him clean up and they worked together to get the dishes done and food packed up for the boys. “I’ll bring it,” Cash said, and then was out the back door with the foil-covered dish. Teagan moved through the house to the dark living room and crouched in front of the fireplace. He put a log on the grate and crumpled newspaper to start the flame, making a note to get Lori some more firewood. 83

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When the paper was crackling and the log caught, Teagan sat back against the couch and watched the fire dance. He heard the back door close and lock and didn’t call out, knowing Cash would come looking for him. Teagan waited and watched the flames and didn’t look up when a blond head poked into the living room. “You gonna sit down here a while?” Cash asked. “Yep.” “Want company?” “Yep.” Cash’s company in particular. Teagan thought he was kind of tired of ignoring that part, or maybe tonight Teagan just didn’t have the energy to pretend he didn’t want the man. Cash came in the room without another word and toed off his boots before sitting down next to Teagan, close enough that their shirtsleeves brushed. “Sorry ‘bout your dog, Teag.” His voice was low. “He was a good pup.” Cash nodded. “Yeah. He would watch us practice from outside the ring. Every damn day, he was there. Figured he would get bored and wander off, but he never did.” “You remember that?” Teagan didn’t look away from the fire; the flames were mesmerizing. “Yeah.” Cash shrugged a little. “Can’t remember stuff about my family, but I remember that dog watching us.” It was said with a casual tone, but when Teagan looked over, Cash’s brow was furrowed and he was studying his fingernails. “You’ll remember,” Teagan said, feeling guilty for not wanting it to be true. “Time. It’s only been a couple of weeks. The doctor said time.” Cash looked back at Teagan, the blue-green of his eyes not so sharp or startling in the half-light of the fire. “Maybe,” he murmured. “But I’m still sorry ‘bout your pup.” Teagan didn’t know who leaned in and it didn’t matter. Their mouths met softly, slowly, kissing and tasting and learning each other like it was the first time. And for Cash, it was, Teagan realized. For Cash, their kisses were new and strange and a little different, so Teagan was careful and slow. Cash made a soft noise and moved closer, seeking more contact, so Teagan eased himself back until he was lying on the carpet and Cash was nearly on top of him. And still they kissed, lips brushing against each other’s and tongues meeting and sliding and tasting. Teagan would have lain there forever that way, making out with Cash by the fireside, except Cash was still making those soft sounds and flexing against Teagan’s hip. Teagan tugged Cash’s shirt from his waistband and searched for warm skin, finding it with the tips of his fingers and skimming along the top of Cash’s jeans. This was bad, he knew. This was a horrible idea, the worst idea ever, but somehow he couldn’t stop touching or kissing or licking at the corner of Cash’s mouth. Cash had no intention of stopping either, it seemed. Not by the way he was running one hand up under Teagan’s shirt and spanning his fingers across Teagan’s stomach, not by the way he had one leg thrown over Teagan’s and was thrusting very slightly against Teagan’s thigh. “More,” Cash whispered, confirming 84

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Teagan’s fears. “Gimme more, Teag.” “More,” Teagan whispered back, grabbing Cash’s shirt from the back and dragging it over the man’s head. No, his conscience said. “Yes. More.” Their shirts met in a jumbled pile on the floor and only two pairs of denim separated them. Cash shifted himself to straddle Teagan’s hips and brought his weight back down. Both of their cocks were stiff in their jeans and Cash rubbed against him, making Teagan moan and arch up. “Want,” Cash murmured against Teagan’s mouth, fingers fumbling at Teagan’s fly. “Want you. Been wantin’ you for days.” It would have been the perfect time to stop Cash, but instead Teagan found himself helping the man undo both of their zippers. Teagan bit down hard on his lower lip and whimpered when Cash drew out his cock and held it gently. “Cash,” he heard himself say, and instead of “don’t” or “stop” or “back off”, the next thing out of his mouth was a gasped, “Please.” “Yes,” Cash whispered, and then he was yanking Teagan’s Levi’s down and off and two pairs of jeans met the pile of shirts. A warm hand snaked around Teagan’s cock, followed by an even warmer tongue licking delicately at the head and gathering up the fluid Teagan knew he’d been leaking for minutes now. “Sweet,” Cash groaned, bathing Teagan’s cock with long, wet strokes. “You taste. My God. Sweet.” Teagan couldn’t do anything but fist his hands in the carpet under his body and try not to thrust too hard. Any thoughts of making Cash stop had fled once the guy had put his mouth on Teagan’s aching prick. Cash was taking his time down there, too, lapping gently at the head and keeping a loose fist around the base, seemingly in no hurry to either get Teagan off or get off himself. Teagan couldn’t help wiggling, trying to follow Cash’s mouth with his hips, until he felt Cash smile against his shaft and pin him in place. “Y’all just stay,” he grinned. “I been waitin’ months to get my hands where they are now. Don’t you rush me.” It occurred to Teagan that Cash seemed to remember wanting him, but not actually getting him. It made Teagan feel a little bit better that their attraction before the accident hadn’t been one-sided, but the guilt was still there and he made a conscious effort to force it away. Cash’s mouth on his dick went a long way in helping dispel that guilt. It wasn’t rushed or hurried, but slow and leisurely, with a lot of soft, small licks from the head of Teagan’s cock all the way down to the root and then back up again. Up and around and down, one hand holding Teagan’s hips down and the other one around the base of his dick, Cash took his time. “Sweet,” Cash whispered again, mostly to himself. “Sweet like honeysuckle.” “For chrissakes,” Teagan finally gasped out, when Cash had licked his way back up and was swirling his tongue around Teagan’s slit. Teagan’s fingers found his way into Cash’s hair and tugged on the short strands, asking wordlessly. Cash chuckled and Teagan could feel the man’s cock brush against his leg, leaving a cool, wet trail behind. “Cowboy don’t like to wait,” he grinned up. “Got it.” Cash lowered his head again and began sucking hard on the tip of Teagan’s prick, using his tongue to press into the tiny indentation. He moaned suddenly and opened his mouth all the way. “Jesus,” Teagan groaned, feeling Cash’s mouth and throat loosen as Teagan slid in. He lifted his head a little 85

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and watched as his cock disappeared in and out of Cash’s mouth. It sent a full-body shudder through him just to watch and he stared, mesmerized. Cash’s lips closed around him, full and red and swollen from sucking, and Teagan felt his balls tighten. “Cash,” he warned, wondering if Cash would pull off. The suction changed at once to deep sucks and Teagan dropped his head back to the floor with a thud. His hips rose and fell with the rhythm of Cash’s mouth and Teagan went with it, helpless, as his balls drew up even farther and everything began to tingle. Cash moaned and the reverberations traveled right through Teagan’s shaft to his spine as he started to come. “Fuck!” Teagan cried out through gritted teeth as heat poured from his prick into Cash’s willing mouth. Cash caught all of it, licking and swallowing and bathing him until Teagan’s cock slipped from between the man’s lips and he lay panting heavily on the floor. When Cash rose up and over him, cock sliding in his fist, Teagan was too limp and boneless to do anything but put a hand over Cash’s and attempt to help. “Here,” Teagan said, putting his other hand on his own chest. “On me. Right here.” Cash groaned from somewhere deep and bowed his head, hand working his cock. Teagan stared at the slick head appearing and disappearing between Cash’s fingers and licked his lips. It’d been a sight too long since he’d tasted that. Teagan made a move to slide down and capture Cash’s dick in his mouth, but before he could muster the energy, Cash was hissing in a sharp breath and there was wet warmth splashing onto Teagan’s skin. Limbs tangled as Cash dropped his weight down and buried his head in Teagan’s neck. “Christ,” Teagan heard him whisper, just before he felt the dart of Cash’s tongue on his skin. “That was… Christ.” Teagan managed to muster up a sound of agreement and closed his eyes against the surety that he’d just made a very bad decision.

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Twelve

Teagan’s knowledge that he’d made a really bad choice regarding sex with Cash was quickly buried under the amount of actual sex they started to have. It was as if both of them had been poised on the edge of some huge sexual breakthrough with each other, and now neither of them could get enough. They took to finding time during the afternoons for a quick ride, usually in the hour or so after lunch. The rest of the boys would still be eating or busy with chores, so Teagan would whistle Tag in from the pasture with the mumbled excuse to anyone listening that Teagan wanted the horse to stay in shape for next season. Cash would follow him on Delilah, and they’d take the abandoned trail through the copse of trees on the edge of the property. The clearing in between the trees was secluded enough that Teagan never worried about anyone finding them. He’d ridden out there plenty of times as a boy and knew that people rarely came out that way. There was nothing to see, just a small area with tufts of grass and a few random wildflowers that looked more like weeds, but were pretty anyway. It was Teagan’s clearing and he liked it. Cash was waiting for him this time as Teagan rode up. It was damn cold, even for a Wyoming December, and the horses’ breath came out as big puffs in the frigid air. “Snow tonight,” Teagan mused as he dismounted. “Delilah hates snow,” Cash chuckled, already on his back on the blanket. His cheeks were pink. “Tag loves it. Especially when he’s chest-deep.” Teagan dismounted and rolled to his back next to Cash, looking up at the bare branches of the trees. “Maybe he’ll teach Delilah to tolerate it.” Cash turned to his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows, smiling down at Teagan. Teagan grinned back and reached for him. He drew Cash in for a kiss and nuzzled his cheek. “Christ, your nose is cold. Why aren’t we doing this inside?” “We will,” Cash murmured against Teagan’s mouth. “Tonight. In your bed. Or mine. Or in front of the fire. Or on the kitchen floor. Or, hey. The shower’s good for me too.” Teagan laughed out loud and kissed him again. He was already hard in his jeans; both of them were. Teagan had been that way for two hours now and wasn’t inclined to go back to work in that state. “Help,” he pleaded, dragging Cash atop him and hooking a booted ankle around Cash’s calf. “Feel.” Teagan arched up and pressed his erection into Cash’s groin. “Aw,” Cash teased. “No wonder you were walking so funny.” But the equally hard cock that he nudged back with said that Cash had probably been sporting his own wood for a while. Teagan groaned and held Cash’s head in place for a deep kiss. His tongue thrust in and he took a nibble at Cash’s bottom lip, making the other man grunt and move against Teagan perfectly. Cash liked the sting of 87

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teeth, Teagan had soon found out, and it was only one of many things Teagan had discovered that he hadn’t known about before Cash’s accident. Cash liked being bit. He liked his nipples sucked and licked and his cock done the same way. He had an amazing recovery time and was often ready to go again before Teagan had caught his breath from the first round. Cash liked blowjobs, loved being rimmed, and had a magic touch when it came to handjobs. He was eager and willing and enthusiastic, and Teagan had known that part before Cash’s memory loss, but now there was a difference. The difference was the look on Cash’s face, the sweet, murmured words in Teagan’s ear. The difference was the way Cash’s touch used to be callous and rough and was now gentle and sweet and sometimes tentative. The difference was the way his eyes would sparkle up at Teagan with playfulness or pleasure or… other emotions Teagan wouldn’t name. Not right now, anyway, not when Cash was sliding a hand into Teagan’s undone fly and gripping his cock with cold fingers. Teagan hissed and arched into him. “Cash.” “Here,” Cash grinned down at him, stroking from root to tip and nudging his own cock against Teagan’s thigh. “Say it again.” He pressed his thumb very lightly into Teagan’s slit and then held his hand still. Teagan moved against Cash’s hand, a little desperate. “Say what,” he moaned, feeling a tiny pulse point throb in his cock. Shoot, he might come whether Cash moved his hand or not. “My name,” Cash chuckled. “I like when you say it.” “Cash,” Teagan obeyed immediately. “Again,” Cash whispered, starting to move his hand again and lowering his head for a kiss. “One more time.” “Cash,” Teagan groaned to the treetops, his whole body centered on the sensations Cash was giving him. The air was frigid and the ground was hard and Teagan only cared about the strong hand wrapped around his prick. “Cash, please.” “Oh, I like that even more,” Cash smiled, hand speeding up in response. “C’mon, pretty. Beg me again.” Cash’s voice was low and smooth and dirty and Teagan shuddered, unable to look away as Cash jacked him. “Please,” Teagan gritted out, raising his hips and shoving through Cash’s hand. “God. Please.” “Well, since you asked so nice,” Cash grinned, and ran a blunt thumb up the underside of Teagan’s swollen cock. “Lemme see whatcha got.” He tightened his fist and stroked hard. Crying out to the pale winter sky, Teagan tightened his stomach muscles and let go. His shaft pulsed in Cash’s hand and he came with the same sharp intensity that was becoming characteristic of their sex together. Tingles spread out to the tips of his fingers and Teagan forgot he was cold. “Ohhhh, yeah,” Cash said softly, dropping his gaze to watch Teagan come. “Damn, Teag.” He thrust against Teagan’s leg even as he watched, chest heaving. “You,” Teagan mumbled, shaking his head a little to clear it. “Now you.” He scrabbled at Cash’s fly and tried to make his tingling fingers work right.

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Cash gasped when Teagan’s hand brushed against his cock and let go of Teagan to tear at his zipper. “Here, God, touch,” he moaned, painfully hard and already leaking. Teagan slid down in one smooth move and took Cash in his mouth. He sucked as hard as he could, swallowing the wetness that was already there. Cash yelled something out into the quiet of the trees and arched his back, making his cock go deeper, so Teagan relaxed his throat as much as he could and took him in. Two more long, sucking pulls, and Cash came with panted breaths and muttered curses. Teagan caught all of it and swallowed neatly, licking at him with a warm tongue, cleaning Cash off and letting the man come down slowly. Cash hung over Teagan until his shaking muscles gave out and he eased to the side. Cash wiped his hand on the blanket and twinkled up at Teagan. “I love sex outside,” he grinned, taking a kiss. “I know,” Teagan said with an eyeroll. “I have to sacrifice and freeze my ass off. God, I can’t wait till spring.” Cash chuckled and kissed him again. “So let’s not wait till spring. Where is it warm right now? Wanna go on vacation.” “Vacation?” Teagan blinked. It was a terrible time to go, they’d just acquired two new horses, plus there was a Christmas rodeo in Pine Bluffs that Teagan was hoping to ride in. It wasn’t much prize money, but it was fun and kept him and Tag in practice. Besides, he and Cash needed to ride together as much as possible before next season. Assuming there was a next season, and that Cash didn’t figure out before then that Teagan had been less than truthful. “Okay,” Teagan said abruptly. He sat up and looked down at the other man. “Vacation sounds perfect. And I know where.” “I was kidding,” Cash said with a raised brow. “Kinda.” “I ain’t. We’re goin’ on vacation.” “Where?” “Mexico.” *** They didn’t need passports, thank God. Teagan had never had one and doubted that Cash had either. Teagan had ridden in Canada and Mexico both, but driving over the border was different than flying these days. Teagan thought maybe he should look into the whole passport thing sometime. They drove, because road trips were part of vacation. They took turns behind the wheel as they cut a path down through Utah, Nevada, and a corner of California before landing in San Felipe. The first thing Teagan noticed, like he always did, was the tangy scent of ocean. The second thing he noticed was Cash sniffing the air and watching eagerly through the window for a glimpse of the water. 89

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“Seen the ocean before?” Teagan asked, not sure if Cash would know the answer. “Don’t think so,” was the thoughtful response, and then Cash’s eyes widened when he saw the surf. “No… ain’t never seen that before. A body’d remember that for sure.” Teagan knew what he meant. Being landlocked in Wyoming didn’t offer much chance for beaches, and the one or two times a year Teagan got out to California for rodeos, they were usually in the central or northern part of the state and never near the ocean. So when he made it down to Mexico about once every other year, the scent and sound of the sea hit him full-force. “We’ll go walking on the sand later,” Teagan promised. Cash glanced over at him for a moment before returning his attention to the ocean. “Gonna hold my hand?” he asked, and Teagan couldn’t see his face but knew Cash was smiling. “Probably.” They pulled into one of the small, beachside motels and Teagan prayed there’d be a room. It was December and therefore tourist season, the time for all the snowbirds to land on Mexico’s beaches. Well, Teagan supposed he and Cash were no different, since they’d come down to escape the cold weather too. There was a room available on the second floor, right next to the ice machine but facing the ocean. From the way Cash went straight to their balcony and stood staring out at the waves, Teagan was pretty sure he didn’t care about the noise from the icemaker. The floor was tile and the beds were covered with a colorful print blanket that matched the curtains. The only other pieces of furniture in the room were two small green, cloth-covered chairs next to a round table, a television, and a nightstand with a telephone. Teagan liked the simplicity of it. Teagan dumped their bags on one bed and flopped down on the other, tired from getting up at five a.m. to drive. He wondered how long Cash would stand there gazing at the beach, then figured it didn’t matter because it afforded Teagan a nice view of his ass. “You thirsty?” Teagan called to him, ready to venture out and see if there was a soda machine in the lobby. Cash didn’t answer for a moment, then tore himself away from the railing and came back into the room. He dropped down next to Teagan on the bed and grinned. “Beer thirsty or water thirsty?” “Either one.” Teagan was especially partial to Mexican beer. “But we’re not drinking any water that comes out of a tap.” “Shoot, I know.” Cash laughed and turned to his stomach to look at Teagan. “Ain’t never been to Mexico, but I still know that much.” “Then we’re having beer,” Teagan nodded. “And chips and salsa and guacamole and cheese and sour cream. Yeah.” His mouth watered just thinking about it. There were one or two decent Mexican restaurants back home, but nothing came close to the stuff he could get south of the border. Cash chuckled at him again and scooted closer. “Okay. But there ain’t no way I’m gonna eat all that without using up a little energy first. Follow?” “I usually follow.” Teagan sat up immediately and lifted his shirt over his head, not bothering with buttons. He lay back down and reached for Cash with an open hand. 90

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Cash followed suit with his own shirt and lay down on his side, facing Teagan. “Thanks.” His eyes were bright and the smell of the ocean wafted in from the open door. “For?” Teagan asked, lifting a finger to trace the line of Cash’s cheek. His skin was warm. “I needed a vacation, too. I should be thanking you.” Cash shrugged a little and turned his face into Teagan’s touch, seeking more contact. “Not just vacation. For taking on a cowboy who can’t remember a lot of shit about himself. For letting me stay with you, for giving me a place to lay my head.” He paused and nuzzled against Teagan’s hand, then whispered the rest. “For knowing how I like my dick sucked. For giving me handjobs that are better than anything I’ve ever had. For making me come so hard I see stars.” Teagan’s cock, already on its way to hard, leapt to attention so fast that Teagan could swear he felt the blood leave his head. He rolled Cash to his back and straddled the man’s hips, leaning down and cradling Cash’s head between his arms. Teagan rolled his hips at the same time Cash thrust up, making both of them groan. “Don’t say shit like that,” Teagan whispered, his mouth only a hair’s breadth from Cash’s. “Why? It’s true.” Cash moved his head the necessary fraction of an inch to bring their lips together and opened his mouth wide. His tongue danced and rubbed along Teagan’s and Cash slid his hands up Teagan’s bare back to his shoulders. Teagan shook his head and didn’t answer. There was no way to say that he felt he didn’t deserve the praise. Especially not when Cash was warm and pliant beneath him, his tongue licking at Teagan’s mouth and his dick hard in his jeans. Teagan was only human, after all. Cash rocked up into him again and Teagan scrambled off for only as long as it took to shove his jeans down and kick them off. He worked at Cash’s fly, batting Cash’s hands away when Cash tried to help, and finally succeeding in getting the worn denim off. Teagan didn’t look where they landed and didn’t care. “Yeah,” Cash encouraged, his eyes closed and tongue resting on his bottom lip. “Yeah. Touch.” Teagan touched. He used the pads of his fingers to skim the flat muscles on Cash’s stomach, pleased when they tightened and goosebumps rose. He ran a light hand down to Cash’s hip and used his thumb to circle there before tracing along the ridge to his groin. His other hand wandered to Cash’s chest and brushed over a flat nipple, forefinger teasing it into a hard point that Teagan had to taste. When he bent his head and sucked hard at the tiny nub, Cash arched under him and both hands went up to tangle in Teagan’s hair. “Yes,” Cash gasped, writhing on the bed. “God, your mouth.” It was more intoxicating than any liquor, more heady than anything Teagan had ever smoked in his younger days. Just the taste of Cash’s skin and his whispered pleas were enough to make Teagan drunk on him. Teagan snaked back up Cash’s body to kiss his mouth again, hands roaming and wandering and not being able to touch enough flesh at once. The lube was way too far away, buried somewhere in his bag, but the condoms were a necessity. Teagan reached out and snagged his duffel, dragging it closer and tossing clothes every which way until he unearthed one of the foil packets. Dropping the rubber on the covers, Teagan slid down the bed and shoved one of Cash’s legs back. He 91

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dropped his head immediately and nuzzled around Cash’s balls, noting with satisfaction that Cash was clean-shaven and smooth, a habit they both had. “Ohfuckyes,” came the expected groan, Cash’s other leg falling open and his hips lifting. “Teagan. Give it to me.” Teagan scooted down even further and dragged his tongue from Cash’s balls to his perineum, pushing hard at the taut skin there before going lower and circling the little hole beneath. “Here?” Cash cried out something that could have been “yes” or “there” or “fuck you”. He had gone incoherent and was thrashing under Teagan’s mouth, and Teagan hadn’t even tasted him yet. Time to change that. Teagan darted out his tongue once more, right in the center of the tight little ring. Cash tasted musky and warm and smooth and Teagan had to drop a hand to squeeze himself, suddenly worried about coming too soon. There was wetness on his hand when he pulled it away and he prayed he’d last a little longer. Cash’s hands fisted in the bedspread again and low, wanting noises came from his chest. Teagan settled down and began to lick with purpose, tasting Cash’s ass and pushing his tongue in as far as possible before pulling it out to lick and bite at the skin around Cash’s hole. When the small entrance was shiny and slick and wet with Teagan’s spit, Teagan glanced up to see Cash had taken his cock in hand and tugged himself with quick, desperate strokes. “No,” Teagan snapped, rising to his knees and slapping Cash’s hand away from himself. “That’s mine.” With one fluid move, Teagan moved up and over. He tore the wrapper from the condom and slicked it on expertly, thanking the Lord nothing tore. He took half a second to position himself and then sank all the way in, burying his prick in Cash’s ass. They both froze and looked at each other, the sound of waves breaking on the shore outside their window loud in Teagan’s ears. “Yours,” Cash said, loud enough to be heard over the ocean. Teagan stared down at him but didn’t answer, unsure of what kind of response Cash wanted. Teagan had said the word “mine”, and Cash’s answering “yours” was natural and right and exactly what Teagan wanted to hear. “Mine,” he said again, more softly. Cash nodded and his fingers tightened on Teagan’s biceps. “Yours. God, move. Please move.” Teagan complied with the request, taking short, shallow strokes that did nothing but build up his need even further. He wanted to touch Cash everywhere at once but settled for gripping the man’s waist as Teagan thrust into his tight ass. “Christ,” Teagan hissed between his teeth. Cash leaned up to kiss him, plunging his tongue into Teagan’s mouth in a rhythm that echoed Teagan’s strokes, and the change of angle brushed Teagan’s cock against Cash’s gland. Cash cried out into Teagan’s mouth and held himself right there, every muscle straining. “Again,” Cash begged. “Teagan. Again.” He would have been an idiot not to listen, so Teagan moved his hips the same way and felt the head of his cock bump up against Cash’s prostate. Cash cried out again, head falling back and one hand going back to stroke himself. Teagan put his own hand over Cash’s for a little bit of assistance and started taking deeper glides in and out. Cash began to shudder, deep rolling waves that Teagan could feel in his own spine. “Almost,” Cash groaned. “With me. Go with me.”

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Teagan nodded and dropped his head to bite at Cash’s neck. When he felt his own movements grow jerky and off-kilter, Teagan took one final stroke and buried himself as deep as he could. He came with a snarl that startled him a little bit, the orgasm jerking itself out of his cock and filling the condom in spurts. There was a whimper from beneath him and then Teagan felt heat spread over his belly and hand as Cash pulsed between their fingers. Teagan leaned over to kiss Cash as he came, swallowing the small mewls and sounds of pleasure Cash made. Their kisses softened to warm and slow and wet instead of hurried and urgent. Teagan rested his hand on Cash’s chest as he slid out carefully, wanting to feel Cash’s heart. Teagan took a moment to discard the condom in the waste can next to the bed and then curled back into Cash’s warmth. “Hurt?” he whispered, remembering there was no lube. “In the way I like,” Cash whispered back. “Ain’t gonna climb on a horse tomorrow, so it’s all right.” He snuggled in and placed a kiss on Teagan’s collarbone. Teagan smiled drowsily and closed his eyes.

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Thirteen

They spent five days in the surf and on the sand, letting the mild December sun tan their skin. Teagan introduced Cash to good Mexican beer and they ate their fill of sopapillas and chili relleno and chilaquiles, Cash exclaiming with every bite he took that he was going to learn how to make it when he got back home. Long afternoons were spent in the coolness of their room, exploring each other with hands and tongues and whispering quiet words. Teagan wanted to stay forever. On one of their days, Teagan learned from the desk clerk that the charreada was in town in the next city over. He took Cash to see it and they watched the colorful Mexican rodeo, marveling at the differences between cultures. “You rode with them?” Cash asked, watching a charro put his horse through various commands. “A long time ago.” Teagan was thoughtful as he watched the event. It had been more than twenty years prior; he rarely thought about it anymore. Cash nodded and took a swallow from his beer bottle. He didn’t ask why Teagan had been in Mexico and Teagan was relieved; it was a time in his life he wasn’t ready to examine or share. “What did you do?” “Terna en el ruedo. Team of three. Like steer roping, but three instead of two. I liked it, but they awarded more points based on showmanship than actual skill. And the money was shit.” Teagan gave a rueful laugh, remembering his diet of rice and beans for months. They stayed at the rodeo all day, and that night they sat on their balcony and watched the waves lap the shore. When Cash gave Teagan a playful look and knelt between Teagan’s legs, Teagan didn’t care that anyone walking by on the beach could see them. Not when Cash’s mouth was so hot on his dick and he was sucking for all he was worth. On their last night in Mexico, Teagan knew if he didn’t go to see Brady, he’d been in deep shit if the man ever found out Teagan had been down to San Felipe and hadn’t dropped in for a drink. He told Cash they were going out, but not where. Cash just shrugged and pulled on a clean t-shirt, as agreeable as ever. “Is there beer there?” “Yeah.” Teagan chuckled. “Thank God.” When they pulled up to the little bar, Cash raised a brow at the sign outside. “Karaoke? Ain’t serious, right?” “Oh, there’s karaoke.” Teagan rolled his eyes and sighed. “But we’re not here for that. A buddy of mine owns this place.” 94

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“Cool.” Cash shrugged and followed Teagan into the small building.

Teagan let his eyes adjust to the dim lighting and saw two empty seats at the bar, so he nudged Cash and

they headed that way. They sat and Teagan waited for the bartender to turn and notice them.

When Brady finally did look their way, he blinked in surprise before breaking out in a huge grin and

slamming a hand down on the worn but polished countertop. “Well, Jesus goddamn Christ, wouldya lookit

what the fuckin’ cat dragged into my bar!”

Heads turned to see what the fuss was about. Teagan gritted his teeth and blushed until the other patrons

decided there was really nothing of interest to them and they turned back to their beers. Cash just watched

Brady and Teagan with a slight smile and didn’t seem uncomfortable in the least.

“Brady,” Teagan grinned, happy to see him now that the initial embarrassing greeting was out of the way.

“How you been, man?”

“Damn fine,” Brady boomed, reaching behind him for two mugs and plonking them down in front of Teagan

and Cash. “Live right here in paradise. Couldn’t be anything but fine. When’re you gonna move your ass

down here, Teagan? Quit ridin’ those horses?”

It was the same conversation they had each time Teagan made it down this way. Teagan chuckled and shook

his head. “Not ‘til the day I die.” And it was mostly true. There was no way he’d stop riding until his body

refused to let him do it.

Brady looked at Cash and shook his head. “Christ. His daddy and mine grew up together, but my daddy

didn’t make me stay around and throw ropes on cows. Told me to go see the world, and I sure did.” The big

man laughed out loud. “I’m gonna guess you ride too, judging from that hat.”

Cash toyed with the brim of his favorite tattered Stetson, the one he was rarely without. “Yup,” he grinned,

then offered his hand. “Cash Whitmore.”

“Brady DeLake. Cash, huh? Think I’m gonna call you Money instead, ‘cause that hat makes it look like you

don’t got much of it.” He roared at his own joke and went to retrieve two beer bottles.

Teagan sighed and shook his head. “Sorry. That’s Brady.”

Cash snorted a laugh and winked at him. “He’s funny.”

“A riot,” Teagan said dryly, accepting the beer Brady put in front of him.

“Gonna sing tonight, Teagan?” Brady leaned both hands on the bar and grinned down at him.

Teagan groaned internally and glanced sideways at Cash. “Uh.”

“Sing?” Cash asked, a smile splitting his face and his eyes lighting up. “Sure, he’s gonna sing. Right, Teag?”

“No.” He poured his Pacifico into the frosted mug and took a long drink. Damn Brady.

“Shoot, Rafferty’s got a right pretty voice,” Brady laughed. “Puts all the other vaqueros down here to shame.

Come on, Raff. Get up there and sing somethin’ nice.”

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Teagan was aware of Cash going suddenly still beside him and he turned to look. Cash was looking at Teagan with a furrowed brow and squinted eyes, blinking as if trying to remember something just out of his reach. But the next moment, the expression was gone, and Cash was smiling at him again. “Go on,” he prodded Teagan. “Show me whatcha got.” “You know what I got,” Teagan said under his breath, but Cash caught the muttered words and nudged Teagan with his leg. “I wanna hear,” he said, batting those eyelashes at Teagan. “Please?” And damned if the music didn’t start up right then, signaling the introduction to something by Johnny Cash. Brady looked up at the small wooden stage that held the karaoke machine, the monitor with the lyrics, and a microphone. “You can do better than that guy,” he sneered, gesturing toward the stage. “That poor sap is here every week and he never gets any better.” Sure enough, the unfortunate soul that was hanging onto the microphone for dear life was an extremely bad singer. Teagan kind of guessed that the man was drunk enough to not really care. Shit, most people had to be loaded to get their asses up there and sing. It helped that the other patrons were drunk as well; everything sounded better through a haze of beer. Cash was still grinning at him, eyes bright. “Sing,” he demanded. “C’mon, wanna hear if the cowboy’s got a voice on him. Sing?” “He’ll sing,” Brady said cheerfully, pushing off the bar and heading toward the karaoke machine to find something. Teagan slouched down on the barstool and tried to make himself small. “Damn.” “Aw.” Cash inched a little closer and nudged Teagan with an elbow. “Sing for me,” he murmured, “and I’ll make you happy later.” Teagan’s cock twitched instantly and he had to press a hand into his crotch to keep his erection from making itself known to everyone. “Cash, Jesus.” He darted a glance around, but the bar was dark and no one was paying attention to them anyway. “Really happy. Okay?” Cash’s voice was low and smooth and Teagan knew he was using the tone he always used when he wanted Teagan to come. The heel of his hand was grinding down on his fly in an effort to make his cock behave, since Teagan was pretty sure he was getting up on the fucking stage despite his protests. His dick tenting the front of his jeans would draw a little more attention than he was comfortable with. Cash had a mischievous expression as he watched Teagan struggle to keep his prick under control. “Go on,” he prodded, and Teagan thought about objecting once more just for the heck of it. But Brady was calling his name from across the room, so Teagan heaved a huge sigh and slid off the barstool. “I expect serious payback for this.” He glared at Cash, who was unimpressed. “I said I would. Go on, sing.” Teagan pressed his mouth together tightly and turned toward the stage. “Shut your fucking yap,” Teagan growled to Brady as he approached the bigger man. “You owe me a beer for this.” 96

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“Two!” Brady was jovial and relentless, adjusting the monitor slightly so Teagan could see the lyrics. “You get Garth tonight, buddy. Do him proud.” He left the stage and retreated behind the bar once more, leaning on an elbow and saying something to Cash. Teagan barely had time to glare at both of them before the opening strains of one of his favorite songs sounded. Soft windchimes and light guitar played for sixteen beats and then Teagan had no choice but to close his eyes and begin. He sang the familiar song, letting the lyrics soothe him. Teagan didn’t open his eyes until the song was over, preferring not to focus on anything except the words he knew by heart and the way the music filled his head. If Teagan had to be honest, he did like to sing. He would just rather do it in the shower or even outside, when he was riding. His horse was a much better audience than a bar full of drunk tourists. There was a beat of silence when he finished. Then an eruption of applause and catcalls, both English and Spanish words of approval shouted at Teagan as he put the microphone back into its place on the stand. He felt his cheeks heat but couldn’t help grinning at the floor as he stepped off the stage and returned to his barstool. Teagan knew Cash was staring at him but he ignored him for the moment. Teagan sat down on his stool and held out his hand to Brady. “Give,” Teagan said, pinning the man with a look. Brady boomed a laugh and pressed a frosty bottle into Teagan’s outstretched hand. “You earned it, my friend. Another one comin’ up after that, hear?” Teagan tilted his head back and took a long swallow before clunking the bottle back down on the bar and glancing sideways at Cash. “I better be really damn glad I did that,” Teagan said to him. “Holy shit,” Cash breathed. “Holy… Jesus fuck, Teagan, you can sing!” His voice was awed and Teagan felt himself flush all over again. “I can’t sing.” His throat was dry and the beer felt good going down. “You sure as fuck can,” Cash laughed, clapping Teagan on the back and letting his hand linger there. His fingers were warm through Teagan’s t-shirt. “Don’t be embarrassed, baby. I love me a man who can sing.” His voice dropped to the same low register he’d used when trying to convince Teagan to get up on stage, and Teagan’s cock woke right up again. “So when are you gonna show your appreciation?” Teagan glanced at Cash out of the corner of his eye and let the last of the beer slide down. He was vaguely aware of Brady thunking another one on the bar, but most of Teagan’s senses were focused on Cash. “As soon as you take that new beer and follow me the hell outta here.” Teagan got up instantly, not caring this time that his prick was threatening to tear the zipper on his jeans. “Thanks, Brady,” he managed to say with a wave, fingers of his other hand curling around the neck of the bottle and yanking it off the counter. “See ya in a couple years.” “See ya, Raff! C’mon back and do some George Strait for me next time!” The big man gave a salute with the empty bottle Teagan had left there and then turned to call something obscene to another bad singer on the stage.

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Cash licked his bottom lip and started walking towards the door. Teagan clutched his beer bottle and followed, eyes darting to Cash’s ass as the two of them crossed the floor together and headed out into the cool night air. Teagan expected Cash to head for the truck and was about to turn over his keys. Teagan had had three beers while sitting there and was about to drink his fourth, so driving was questionable. But Cash kept on going past the truck, heading for the sand and water and the thin moon that hung low over the ocean. “Hey,” Teagan said, slowing his pace and gesturing toward the truck. “You said…” He trailed off and waited. Cash looked at Teagan over his shoulder but didn’t slow down. “Never seen the ocean before this trip. Don’t know when I’m gonna get back here. That means I wanna do it on the beach.” Teagan stayed right where he was. “No, you don’t,” he warned. “Sand. Chafing. Bad.” He shuddered a little bit, remembering the one time he’d picked up a dark Mexican cowboy who’d spoken no English and had given him a spectacular blowjob on the beach. It wasn’t spectacular enough to erase the memory of the grains of sand that had found their way into very uncomfortable places. Cash stopped and turned around, coming back to Teagan and fisting his hand in the front of Teagan’s shirt. “I promise,” he said with a kiss full of tongue and warmth, “I promise I won’t let you get sand on your bits. Promise.” The combination of beer, tangy sea air, and Cash pressed up against him had Teagan nodding and agreeing before he could help it. He looked toward the beach and was relieved to find it deserted, but still. The law was a little more relaxed down here, but Teagan was pretty sure public fornication was frowned upon. “Where?” he asked, licking at Cash’s mouth. “See the rocks?” Cash murmured, one hand snaking down to squeeze Teagan’s cock. “Behind there. Standing up. Me in you.” Teagan groaned softly and pushed into Cash’s hand. He’d been hard for an hour and was starting to ache, so he was shamelessly ready to agree to anything. “Okay. Rocks. Now? When? Now.” A soft chuckle was his answer and Cash took Teagan’s hand. “Heh. I love it when you get down to oneword sentences.” Cash tugged on his hand and Teagan willingly followed him. Cash led him to the mound of rocks, tall and black in the darkness. One of them curved toward the ocean and created a small cove that the two of them managed to squeeze into. Once they were inside the little area, Teagan realized it effectively shielded them from the beach and the parking lot of the bar just beyond. “How’d you know?” he asked Cash, shoving the man up against a rock and kissing him hard. “I didn’t,” Cash laughed, hooking his booted foot around Teagan’s ankle and rocking up into him. “Saw them on our way in, but I didn’t know they made this space. Lucky us.” “Lucky us.” Teagan gripped Cash’s ass with the hand that wasn’t holding his bottle and rubbed hard on his thigh. God, by now he’d be fine with getting off like this, as long as he could get some relief. “Oh, no,” Cash said softly. “That ain’t what I said we were gonna do.” In a blink Teagan found himself pressed up against the rock, his cheek against the smooth stone. “You done with that beer yet?” He nodded and went to drop it in the sand, but Cash took it from him and pressed a wet, open-mouthed kiss 98

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to the back of Teagan’s neck. Teagan shuddered and spread his legs. “Condom? Lube. Cash, for Christ’s sake, please.” Teagan might be self-conscious tomorrow about the begging, but right now he couldn’t think of any other way to get what he wanted. “Gotcha covered.” Cash laughed at him again and reached around to unzip Teagan’s jeans. Teagan’s cock sprang forward at once and Cash caught it in a warm hand, squeezing and stroking. “Wow. Poor baby. This hurt?” “Not anymore,” Teagan gasped, eyes fluttering closed and arching his back. “Oh, God. Get me off like this.” “No.” Cash shoved at Teagan’s jeans until they were at his thighs and then Teagan heard him fumbling with his own. “Hold this,” Cash said, and pressed a condom and lube packet into Teagan’s hand. His voice was strained and Teagan was insanely glad that Cash was just as needy. Teagan thought for about two seconds that he wasn’t going to make it long enough for Cash to use the condom. His prick was straining into Cash’s hand and pre-come was making him slippery. Teagan’s balls throbbed and his fingers clenched around the foil packets in his hand. “Cash,” he ground out, and didn’t know if it was a warning or a curse. “Lube,” Cash barked, reaching a hand over to take it. He snatched it from Teagan’s shaking fingers and Teagan waited to feel the nudge and burn. There was a nudge, but it wasn’t what he was expecting. Cooler than the head of Cash’s cock, rounder and smoother than his fingers. Teagan lifted his forehead from the rock and was about to look over his shoulder when Cash gave a firmer push and something slick and hard breached Teagan. “The fuck?” Teagan gasped, arching his back again and widening his stance as much as his confining jeans would allow. “Shh,” Cash whispered against Teagan’s neck. “Just a little prep. Feel?” Oh, Teagan felt. It was his beer bottle, the one Cash had just taken from him and obviously lubed up. Teagan moaned and pushed back, trying to get more of it. “Jesus.” “Careful.” Cash worked it in a little deeper, the glass slick and cool in Teagan’s ass. “Okay?” “More,” Teagan whimpered, his toes curling in his boots. He tried to relax his muscles to take more of the bottle. It was widening as Cash pushed it in, and then Teagan felt him pull it back out just a little. Before he could protest, Cash had slid it back in again, and Teagan began to ride it. He didn’t know how long he stood there, letting Cash fuck him with the beer bottle, but his cock was painfully hard and dripping onto the sand below when Cash finally withdrew it and lined up. “Rubber,” Cash demanded. Teagan handed it over his shoulder and braced himself. “Ready?” Cash asked, and then drove his prick inside Teagan without waiting for an answer. Teagan cried out as Cash hit his gland on the first try. His hand flew to his cock and he began to pump himself with short, hard strokes, reaching for his climax and desperate to get there. Cash was huge and stiff inside him and Teagan could feel every muscle in his body clench tightly. Cash’s rhythm grew jerky and his breathing was harsh in Teagan’s ear. Teagan couldn’t move, was pinned to the rock by Cash’s body and dick in his ass. He tugged at himself with a fist that was becoming slicker and slicker with his own fluid, from shaft to tip and back again, over and over. 99

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Cash pegged Teagan’s prostate once more and then there were sparks exploding just behind Teagan’s eyes. “Again,” Teagan cried out, hovering just on the brink. “Right there, again!” The sound Cash made was soft and urgent and Teagan knew the other man was close, too. Cash’s fingers gripped Teagan’s hips and he slammed in to hit the perfect spot again. Teagan’s eyes rolled behind closed lids and he pumped himself, nerves on edge and everything trembling. “Teagan,” Cash yelled, and then he was throbbing inside Teagan and shooting in big, pulsing bursts. The last thread of Teagan’s control broke when he felt Cash come. He stroked himself one last time and then threw back his head with a cry, coming all over the rock in front of him and trying really damn hard not to fall. He felt Cash lean his forehead against Teagan’s back and slip out as gently as he could. There was a bit of a burn and Teagan hissed before he could help it. Cash made a clucking sound with his tongue. “Sorry, sweetheart.” “M’good.” Teagan shook his head a little and tucked his cock back into his jeans before turning around. “Don’t worry. I’m really good.” He punctuated the remark with a kiss and a nuzzle. “And as soon as I get a bed, I’ll be even better.” The beers were catching up to him. Or maybe it was the mind-blowing sex he’d just had. Cash laughed and held up the tied-off condom with distaste. “There better be a trash can on the beach, ‘cause I sure as hell ain’t gonna walk back into that bar with this.” He paused for a moment. “Not that I don’t want to tell all of them that I just fucked the best karaoke singer they’ll hear all night.” His eyes were twinkling again. Teagan snorted and felt the too-familiar blush creep up his cheeks. “Yeah, come on. I got plastic bags in the truck.” Cash held out his other hand and Teagan took it without a second thought. They walked along the sand together until their boots hit the cement of the bar’s parking lot and Cash spotted a wastecan near the truck. He tossed the condom and held a hand out for the keys. “I saw what you drank. Better let me take care of it.” “Gladly.” Teagan turned over the keys and slid into the passenger seat, grateful to finally be sitting. His legs were shaky, sleep was sneaking up on him, and Teagan felt really damn good. “Let’s go,” he yawned, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. Cash gave an affectionate snort and started the truck. “If I’da known you couldn’t hold your liquor, I would’ve gotten you drunk a lot more.” It was a ten-minute drive to their motel and Teagan sleepily watched the ocean on the way, sorry that they would have to leave the country tomorrow and head back up north. He did want to start practicing in earnest for next season, though, and meant to talk to Cash about riding together again. The two-day trip would give ample opportunity for that. He managed to get himself inside with no help, although by now Teagan knew he was more tired than drunk, and even managed to brush his teeth and wash up before crawling into bed next to Cash. “Night,” Teagan mumbled, seeking a kiss. Cash found Teagan’s mouth in the darkness and kissed him gently. “Night, Raff.” 100

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Teagan’s stomach twisted at hearing the name Cash used to call him, and sleep was much slower in coming than he’d thought.

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Fourteen

Teagan didn’t know the switch had been abruptly flipped until after he heaved his body out of bed and ran his groggy self through a hot shower. He’d left Cash asleep under the sheet but took his time soaping up, hoping he wouldn’t have to finish alone. When no sleepy blond cowboy appeared, Teagan sighed and shut off the water. He dried off and wandered back out wearing only a towel. “Did you get that shirt from under the bed?” He scratched his chest absently and dropped some of his dirty clothes into his bag. Hopefully they’d get on the road within an hour. There was no answer forthcoming. Teagan looked up to see Cash sprawled in one of the uncomfortable chairs next to the table. His bag lay open on the bed, all clothes tossed in, none folded. “You done already?” Teagan bent down to look under the bed for stray socks. “Pretty much.” His voice was flat. Teagan straightened up again and looked at Cash. “Okay. Um, gimme ten minutes and I’ll be good to go.” He paused and indicated the unmade bed with a grin. “Unless you want to make one more wet spot for housekeeping to find.” They’d tried to be careful, but come and lube had a way of leaking everywhere. “Dunno,” Cash mused, turning his hat over in his hands. “Is that gonna make you think I belong to you?” Teagan froze. “No,” he said after a moment. “The fact that you said ‘yours’ the other night would make me think you belong to me.” Oh, fuck, this couldn’t be happening. It didn’t happen this fast, did it? Teagan realized he didn’t know shit about how fast or slow--or if at all--Cash’s memory might return. “That was ‘fore I figured out you were a lyin’ sack of shit.” Cash’s accent had grown thick and his diction was sliding, two sure signs that he was upset. Shit, shit, shit. Things had been fine last night. How could Teagan wake up today and have them be… not fine? He was screwed. “Uh,” he managed to say, but then Cash was on his feet and stalking toward Teagan. “You told me we weren’t messing around. You told me that. How come you lied?” “I didn’t lie,” Teagan said carefully, wishing that he was wearing more than just a towel. “When you fell, we weren’t messing around.” “No, ‘cause we’d stopped,” Cash spat, his ire radiating off him in waves. “And how come we stopped, huh? Tell me that, Rafferty. You tell me why we weren’t screwin’ around no more.” Teagan’s own defensiveness took hold of his tongue. “Because I wasn’t the only one you were screwing.” The whole situation seemed completely ridiculous. He’d been jealous, Cash had responded poorly to it, and poof. They were done. When Teagan had realized Cash hadn’t remembered their brief but charged affair, he hadn’t thought there was anything wrong with saving face. 102

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Except he’d failed to consider what would actually happen if Cash remembered, as he was clearly doing now. Teagan didn’t know how the memory had rushed in on him overnight, but thought maybe Brady had triggered it the night before by using Teagan’s old nickname. Oh, Teagan was so fucked. “Cash,” he said, putting up his hands to stop the man’s predatory advance. “Listen. Come on. Let me say something.” “You don’t get to say nothin’!” Cash shouted, still moving forward until Teagan was nearly backed into the wall. “It’s my turn to talk, you hear?” Teagan cleared his throat and tried to fight off the rising panic. He nodded and refused to look away from Cash’s snapping eyes. “I hear.” “You’re a liar,” Cash said again, jamming his hands on his hips and narrowing his eyes. “I trusted you to remember what I couldn’t and you lied.” “I know.” Teagan shut up and pressed his lips together, unsure of whether or not Cash actually wanted a response. “You know. You know? So how come you didn’t know that when you were doing such a fuckin’ good job of pretending to be my friend? Tell me that, Rafferty.” Cash glared at him with a mutinous expression that Teagan normally would have kissed off his face. Now Teagan was just a little alarmed by the fury he saw there. Teagan blinked and focused on what Cash had said. “Pretending? Wait.” Cash arched a brow and sneered. “For what?” “You think I was pretending to be your friend?” Teagan knew he may have been less than honest about his and Cash’s previous relationship, but no time over the past few weeks did he have to make himself pretend about anything. Especially their friendship. “I don’t know what to think,” Cash snapped. “All’s I know is that I went to bed thinkin’ that you actually gave a shit about you and me and woke up remembering a lot of crap you forgot to tell me. Namely, that you got pissed when you couldn’t have me all for yourself before, so you thought you’d try again.” He stopped and made a disgusted sound. “Christ. You really had me fooled. I’m a fuckin’ idiot.” Teagan held out a hand in a plea. “Cash. You’re not. Let me say something, please? Can I?” He knew he was dangerously close to begging, but Teagan didn’t much care. His heart had leapt into his throat the moment he realized Cash remembered, and Teagan was desperate to make the man understand. “No,” Cash said, and all at once he stopped shouting. “You had plenty of time to talk, and you didn’t do shit. So now I don’t wanna listen. I just wanna get in that fuckin’ truck and go home.” He grabbed his hat from the bed and jammed it on his head before picking up his bag. All of Teagan’s panicked defensiveness morphed itself into something resembling anger. “Fine,” he barked, knowing he sounded petulant but unable to help it. “We’ll go home. You just remember, though, that you didn’t think I was so damn evil when my mouth was around your cock. So fuck you.”

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He snatched clothes from the bed, not looking to see if they were clean, and stalked into the bathroom to get dressed. As he pulled his shirt over his head with shaking fingers, Teagan heard the door to their room slam closed and hoped for half a second that Cash had taken off without him. The sense of relief Teagan got, however, when he finally walked out the door and saw Cash sitting in the truck was powerful and irritating all at once. He should have cut Cash loose when he could, and now he was stuck with one pissed-off cowboy and a load of guilt. The fact that it was his own fault was something Teagan would have to examine later. A lot later. With a six-pack of beer. With a sigh, Teagan heaved his bag in the truck bed and slid behind the wheel. The next three days of driving might just be the worst he’d ever spent. *** They weren’t quite the worst, but they came close. The worst trip had been when he’d gotten the stomach flu coming back from Charlotte. They had twentyone hours to make Little Rock, and Teagan had spent the entire time in pure misery while Stubby drove them across the heartland like a bat out of hell. And to top it all off, Teagan had been too weak to ride when they finally got there. Yeah, that had definitely been the worst. But at the end of their first day on the road, Teagan was pretty sure that this trip came close to being as shitty as the Great Stomach Flu Trip of ’05. Cash didn’t speak a single word for the first three hours. Teagan had expected that. If Teagan was honest with himself, the thing he hadn’t expected was Cash actually driving back up with him. For a terrible few minutes, he’d been fully prepared to drop Cash off at the airport on his way out of town. For the next three hours, Cash was slightly more talkative, if you could consider answering direct questions with “yes” and “no” being talkative. Teagan took what he could get and turned the radio up loud to cover the quiet. They stopped for gas and lunch when they were back across the border and Cash disappeared around the side of the fast food place after he’d wolfed down his burger. He came back with the faint smell of cigarette smoke about him and Teagan’s heart sank even further. On top of everything else, Teagan figured he could now consider himself responsible for Cash going back to smoking. This just got better and better. Teagan drove for as long as he could into the night until blurry vision and burning eyes dictated that they had to stop. A small roadside motel in Nevada, a replica of any of the hundreds of motels he’d stayed in on the road, had a neon vacancy sign burning in the desert night. “This okay?” Teagan asked Cash, not really expecting an answer. He’d only asked the question to see if his voice still worked after seven hours of silence. “Sleepin’ in the bed.” Cash got out of the truck and for a minute Teagan thought he’d meant the bed in the room. When Cash rounded the side of the truck and hopped over the side, Teagan figured things out quickly.

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He got out and slammed the door. “Freeze your balls off,” Teagan muttered, and grabbed his bag before Cash could use it as a pillow. The silence he got in return was more condemning than any insult Cash could have hurled back at him, and Teagan spent a sleepless night alone in the motel room. Their second day was identical to the first, with the one difference being that Teagan drove even later at night with the hope that they could reach Wyoming before nightfall the next day. His exhaustion took second place to the eagerness to be home. Teagan was startled when Cash trailed him into the tiny lobby of the motel just outside of Salt Lake. He stood like a silent wraith behind Teagan while Teagan got keys for a room, then followed Teagan just as silently back to the truck to get their bags. Cash fell asleep on one of the twin beds in the room after managing to toe his boots off. Teagan decided against getting Cash’s jeans off for him and crawled into the other bed, falling asleep almost instantly. They woke at the same time the next morning and dressed in the gray, pre-dawn light. Teagan was surprised to feel somewhat refreshed and realized it had been his utter fatigue that had finally caused him to sleep for a full seven hours. Cash was still silent and sullen, however, not even grunting his thanks when Teagan slipped back behind the wheel of his truck and handed Cash a paper cup full of steaming coffee. They pulled onto the quiet highway and the sound of the road under the truck’s tires was the only thing Teagan heard for hours. Early dusk on the third day saw them pulling into the dirt driveway of the Sliding A. Teagan breathed an internal sigh of relief and shut off the engine, rolling his head around in an effort to ease some of the tension in his neck and shoulders. “Thank Christ,” Cash muttered, and got out of the truck. He moved stiffly around the back to grab his bags and Teagan followed more slowly. They had just started up the front steps together when Lori appeared, swinging the screen door open for them and giving them both a warm smile. “Cassius,” she greeted with a nod. “How did you like Mexico?” “Fantastic,” Cash answered, brushing by her. Teagan winced at the sarcasm-laced tone and gave Lori a warning shake of his head. She raised a brow but remained silent, watching Cash disappear up the stairs before Teagan had even reached the porch. “Things weren’t so good?” she finally asked after Cash had vanished from sight. Teagan sighed. “He, uh. Remembered some shi--stuff.” “Mm. This isn’t a cause for celebration, I see.” “I’ll tell you tomorrow, Lor. Right now I just need a shower and sleep.” And to pee something fierce, but Teagan figured Loribeth wouldn’t much appreciate hearing that. “All right.” She nodded at him but kept searching his face. “I have chicken pot pie, if you’re hungry. Still 105

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warm.” His stomach growled but Teagan’s head swam and he knew he better get to a bed, and fast. “Lunch tomorrow.” Lori nodded again and held open the screen so he could haul his bag inside. “Get some rest. If you need me to listen in the morning, I will.” He suddenly found that he did need her to listen. Maybe she could absolve some of the guilt Teagan hadn’t been able to banish. “In the morning.” Teagan climbed the stairs with a heavy tread and a heavier heart. He glanced down the hall and saw the guest room door tightly shut, something that hadn’t happened in all the time Cash had been staying at the ranch. He and Cash had both left their doors standing open at night as an unspoken invitation, and dawn had usually found one of them in the other’s bed. Not tonight. Although Teagan didn’t need a closed door to tell him that much. A hot shower would have felt damn good, but he was too exhausted to do more than brush his teeth and toss his clothes in the direction of the hamper. Teagan crawled naked between crisp sheets and, out of habit, checked the dog bed in the corner before remembering there would be no spotted cattle dog snoring on the pillow. Teagan had a moment of loss for Rowdy before sleep overtook him. In the morning, Cash was gone.

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Fifteen

Cash had taken his truck, his trailer, and his horse, and was as gone as neatly from Teagan’s life as if he’d never been there at all. Five days later, Teagan stood on the porch in the early morning chill and sipped a steaming mug of Lori’s strongest coffee. The first day, there had been tracks in the dirt in front of the porch, the only sign Cash had left behind. He’d obviously gotten up before sunrise to load Delilah and throw his own bags in the back of the truck and then driven off before anyone else got up. Teagan didn’t have the first clue how to find him. It wasn’t just that Cash had left. Teagan wasn’t surprised by that at all, and part of him had expected it. But how much Cash actually remembered about his life was still uncertain. He’d remembered the past five months, but what else? Teagan hated to think of Cash driving aimlessly around Wyoming, searching for a life that couldn’t be recalled. “Come in for breakfast,” came Lori’s soft voice from behind him. “I put bacon in your potatoes, how you like them.” He turned silently and followed her through the still-dark house. The kitchen was warm and lit only by the single light over the stove. Teagan pulled out a chair and sat, curling his hands around his mug. He nodded his thanks when Loribeth slid a plate of eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns in front of him. She took her place across from him and picked up her fork. “Cassius apologized to me before he left,” she said quietly. Teagan snapped his gaze up to her face. “You saw him that morning?” “I did.” She took a dainty bite of her eggs. “I heard him come down the stairs while I was making coffee. I figured the boy would just go on outside and get gone, but after he was all loaded up, he came back in here.” His breakfast sat untouched on his plate. “You didn’t stop him? Why didn’t you ask where he was going?” Teagan felt the beginnings of anger. Why had Lori let Cash just walk out that way? “That was none of my business, Teagan. I handed him a travel mug of coffee and wished him a safe trip. He’s not a child.” “He can’t remember shit, Lori!” Teagan didn’t mean to raise his voice, but there it was, loud in the morning quiet. Lori set her fork down on the table with more force than necessary. “First of all, you do not use profanity or that tone of voice when speaking to me. Second of all, he clearly remembers some things. Enough to offer his apologies to me for what he did years ago.” “Beg pardon,” Teagan mumbled. He studied the grained wood of the tabletop for a moment before glancing up. “He apologized? For real?” 107

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“For real.” She forked up another small bite of eggs and potatoes.

“Did he say anything else? Where he was going, what he was going to do?” There was a small sting to the

fact that Cash had made the effort to say goodbye to Loribeth and not to Teagan, irrational as it sounded.

“He said he was going home. I assume that means to his daddy’s place, but he didn’t say.”

Teagan looked down at his breakfast, long grown cold. “I messed up, Lor.”

“Men usually do.” She wiped her mouth with a napkin and rose to take her plate to the sink. Teagan heard

her pour another cup of coffee and then she returned to her chair. “I know you were having some sort of relationship with him, Teagan. Even if I hadn’t seen the two of you sneaking off at lunch time, even if I wasn’t sharp enough to realize I was only making one bed in the mornings, I would have known that much.” He kept his eyes on his plate but felt his cheeks heat. “Maybe.”

“No maybe about it. His eyes shone when he looked at you, not to mention what I would see on your face

when the two of you were together. I don’t know what happened and you do not need to tell me details. But

he had put trust in you that you abused, obviously. So think about how to earn that back.”

Teagan looked up at her. “I didn’t think it was a big deal,” he confessed. “I kept one thing from him.”

Actually, his damn conscience whispered, you told him an outright lie. But it wasn’t a big deal.

“To him, it was a very big deal.” Lori shook her head a little and sighed. “You were his hero, Teagan. You

were one of the only stable things in his suddenly upside-down life. And you neglected to give him an

important detail.”

It sure sounded like a fuck of a big deal when she put it that way. “What do I do?”

“Wait and see.”

“What? I can’t just do that! He’s pissed, Lori. That cowboy ain’t gonna come back here. I need to find him.”

Teagan pushed his chair back, ready to go scour every motel and bar in Pine Bluffs. Again. So what if he’d

already looked, and so what if it was only eight a.m., there was bound to be a bar open somewhere. Cash

would find it.

“You asked my advice, I gave it. Wait and see.” Lori got up from the table again and took Teagan’s uneaten

breakfast away from him. “I’ll put this in the oven for you for later.”

“I’m going into town.” He rose from his chair and reached for his hat on the rack.

“Fine. You’re not going to get what you need, but go and get out of my kitchen anyway so I can start

canning my winter squash.” She tied her familiar apron around her waist and began running water to soak

the dishes.

“I don’t know what I need,” Teagan shot back. He yanked open the back door and clomped across the wooden porch, his boot heels ringing loud in the early morning. It was a lie. He knew exactly what he needed. *** 108

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He didn’t get it, but he hadn’t really expected to. Teagan had already made a thorough search of places in town where Cash might go, but he knew he was fooling himself. Cash had told Lori he was going home and Teagan had no doubt that was exactly where he was headed. If only Teagan knew where home was. He finally gave up around one in the afternoon, knowing that he could keep looking all day and not get anywhere. Teagan figured his best chance of finding Cash lay with Lori anyway, despite her reluctance to disclose where Cash’s father’s house was. Teagan reluctantly returned to the ranch but was shooed out of the kitchen at once. Lori was canning vegetables and didn’t do more than hand Teagan his warmed-over breakfast before pushing him back out the door to eat on the porch. He glared at his congealed eggs but ate them anyway, leaving the empty plate by the door rather than going back in and risking Lori’s wrath. Teagan glanced at the horse barn and then wandered that way, suddenly realizing he hadn’t ridden Tagalong but twice since he’d been home from Mexico. Bram lifted a chin at him in greeting when Teagan strolled into the barn. “Grab a fork, my friend,” Bram said, nodding toward the pitchforks hung in a neat row on the wall. Teagan sighed and reached for one. He began working in the stall alongside Bram, forking out the dirty straw so that clean stuff could be put in for the horses. “Things okay while I was gone?” “Sure ‘nough,” Bram shrugged. “Whitmore take off?” “Yep.” Bram nodded and there was no more to it. Teagan was more grateful than ever for Bram’s tendency never to waste words. Bram dropped his fork and shimmied up the ladder, knocking down a straw bale from the loft for Teagan to break open. He came back down, quick as a cat, and then the two of them pitched new straw into the clean stalls. “Dusty Young came callin’ for you while you were gone.” Teagan looked over. “He’s home? Is Devin?” “Dunno. Dusty rode over from the creek side and asked for you. Tole him you were down south with Whitmore and he grinned at that.” Bram’s voice was even, no inflection at all. Teagan was aware that Bram knew exactly why Dusty had come looking for him, and Teagan also had a feeling that the man knew about his relationship--ex-relationship--with Cash. Bram would never voice his approval of Teagan’s preferences, quiet acceptance was as good as Teagan was going to get. The afternoon wore on and Teagan found plenty of chores to do to keep himself busy, including exercising his horse. Tag danced and snorted in delight for the entire ride, and Teagan felt guilty for leaving him. He ventured back into the kitchen at suppertime and was relieved to see that Lori’s pressure canner and tools were drying on the side of the sink. The room had returned to normal despite a lingering scent of squash, but even that was quickly fading under the smell of pork chops and mashed potatoes. 109

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Lori smiled at him and pointed to the stove. “Fix your plate how you like it.”

They ate together quietly and Lori didn’t ask where he’d been. She probably knew anyway, Teagan figured.

Lori knew a lot.

She served them both fresh fruit compote with ice cream. Teagan made appreciative noises at her until she

clucked her tongue and rolled her eyes, but he chuckled when he saw her cheeks go pink. At least he still

knew how to charm females. Males were another story.

“Goin’ out for a bit,” he said, taking the dish towel and drying the wet dishes Lori handed him. “People in

town for the holidays, yeah?”

“Yes. One of those brothers came looking for you.”

“Bram said.” Teagan didn’t look at her, unsure of whether or not he could handle it if she knew about Dusty

and Devin Young.

Lori just nodded and handed him the last dish. “New gelding coming in tomorrow from Strawberry Hill

Farm.”

“I’ll be here in the morning to settle him.” That was a bit of good news, another horse.

“Thank you.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Be careful tonight.”

Teagan nodded and went up the stairs for a fast shower, studying his stubble in the bathroom mirror and

deciding he could go one more day without a shave.

He dressed quickly in jeans so soft and old that they were in danger of tearing in several places, but they

were his favorite and the most comfortable. Teagan shoved his wallet into the frayed back pocket, grabbed

his hat from his dresser, and went back down the stairs and out to his truck.

The Brass Spur would be the only place to find Dusty and Devin, other than the motel where they always

stayed. Teagan told himself it was only for the company. He was most likely going to get drunk, and at least

they’d drink with him and tell him he was pretty. Sometimes a guy just needed to hear it.

The bar was crowded with cowboys home for the holidays. Teagan stood in the doorway and blinked at the

full dance floor and then at the packed bar, wondering just how the hell he was going to get a beer.

He’d just decided to shove his way in and then apologize later to whoever he elbowed when Dusty came plowing through the crowd and snagged Teagan’s shirt. “Took you long enough, Teag,” he shouted above the noise. “Me and Dev almost gave up.” The twinkly grin he gave Teagan said he was lying. Teagan grinned back. “Tell me you guys got a table and a pitcher.” “We got a table and a pitcher!” Dusty was relentlessly happy, as always, and Teagan found himself honestly

glad to see him.

“Show me the fuckin’ way, man.”

Dusty laughed and tugged Teagan through the mob on the dance floor, pushing and jostling people out of

their way until they reached a corner booth.

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“Wow,” Teagan marveled, sliding in next to Devin. “What did you sell to get this table?” “We got here at four.” Devin chuckled and nudged Teagan with his elbow. “Hey, pretty.” “Hey. Pour me something wet.” Teagan reached out for a mug, not caring if it was clean. Dusty laughed and poured the last of the beer into Teagan’s glass, waving the empty pitcher in the air when the harried cocktail waitress passed by. She snatched it with a glare and rushed off again. Teagan finished off the mostly-flat beer just as the waitress slammed another full pitcher down on their table, sloshing some of it over the sides. “Drink this one slower,” she snapped, earning a wink and a grin from Devin. “That’s only our third one in five hours, honey. Maybe you should ask us to drink ‘em faster.” She rolled her eyes and disappeared again into the noisy crowd. Dusty poured them all a round and Teagan relaxed against the back of the booth as he drank, happy to just sit there and watch the people. “So!” Devin was cheerful and grinning at Teagan from over the rim of his mug while he drank. “Heard tell you were gone down to the sunny shores of Mexico with Cash.” Shit. That hadn’t taken as long as Teagan thought it would. “Yeah,” he said with a shrug, making himself as nonchalant as possible. “Few days. It was fun.” “Uh huh.” Dusty gave him a look that was almost but not quite a leer. “So where is he? Thought he was staying with you.” Teagan put his mug down on the table and sat back with a sigh. He rubbed his eyes with the thumb and forefinger of one hand and then looked at both of them. “Dunno,” he said heavily. “Gone.” “Gone?” They chorused it together and glanced at each other before looking back to him. He really hadn’t planned on telling Dusty and Devin what had happened; Teagan had hoped to keep Cash as far from his mind as possible and just enjoy a night out. And then maybe a night in, if the brothers were willing to help him forget about shit for a while. But as Teagan looked at both of them, he saw genuine concern and friendship on their handsome faces. The urge to pour out the entire thing, including the dirty parts that there was no fucking way he was telling Loribeth, rose strong in him. “Okay,” he said finally, studying the condensation ring his glass had left on the table. “So, we started fucking each other.” He started with the first time he’d watched Cash in the shower and finished with waking up five days ago to find that the man had vanished. He left nothing out, none of their fights or their sex or their sweet words, and when he finished after twenty minutes, both Dusty and Devin were looking at him with soft eyes and sympathetic expressions. “Aw, baby,” Devin murmured, leaning into Teagan’s side. “Don’t think you were so wrong, what you did. He was kind of a dick ‘fore his accident. No wonder you didn’t wanna remind him of it.” Teagan scrubbed a hand over his face. “He trusted me. I abused that trust, even though it was in a small way. But I didn’t think he’d… leave.” 111

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Devin looked over at Dusty and they shared a look while Teagan leaned his elbows on the table and stared down into his empty mug. The next minute, Dusty was sliding out of the booth and Devin was gently pushing Teagan to get out too. “Go on,” Devin urged. “Where’re we gonna go? You’re giving up your prize table?” Teagan tried to joke but suddenly found himself tired and heavy-hearted. “Just come with us, honey.” Dusty smiled at him. “Me and Dev know what you need.” Teagan let them both herd him out and into the cab of their truck. It was a short drive to their motel from the bar and then the three of them were crowding into the small room that the brothers shared. “Down you go.” Devin tugged him gently to the bed and crawled up next to him, pushing Teagan’s jacket from his shoulders and working at the buttons on his shirt. He thought about protesting that no, this wasn’t what he wanted, he hadn’t come looking for it. But Teagan had only had two beers and couldn’t even pretend to lie to himself. It felt too good to let someone else take care of him and touch him and tell him he hadn’t been so wrong. Teagan felt Dusty pick up one of his feet and work his boot off, then do the same to the other. He was reminded of the last time he’d been with both of them this way, the night he’d gotten the holy fuck beat out of him. Seemed like the Youngs were always patching him up in some form or another. His buckle was undone and then someone was tugging his jeans off for him. Teagan lost track when he closed his eyes, trying instead to just feel rather than think. Someone pulled him up to get his shirt off and then there were two sets of warm, callused hands skimming over his body. He moaned softly when one of them brushed over his cock. He hadn’t even known he was hard until then, but now suddenly Teagan ached and wanted. “Please,” he murmured into the darkness, aware that none of them had even bothered turning the light on. “Shh, darlin’,” Dusty whispered to him, his mouth close to Teagan’s ear and sending chills up the back of his neck. “Just relax, yeah? Me and Dev know what you need.” Teagan wanted to tell them that what he needed had packed up and gone last week, but when another hand caressed his rigid dick, Teagan realized that they were right. He did need this, if only for right now. “Dusty,” Teagan whispered, not sure anymore who was next to him and who was crawling on top to straddle him. “Here, sweetheart.” It was Dusty who knelt over him, leaning forward for a gentle, probing kiss. “You just lie still, now. We’ll handle it.” It felt selfish, just melting into the bed while they petted and whispered and kissed him, but Teagan knew they were doing it for him, so he let them. It was too fucking hard to do much more but lie there and tremble when he felt Dusty lube him up and then slick down a condom over his aching cock. Devin whistled softly through his teeth and stretched out next to Teagan, long and lean. “He’s gonna ride you, baby. Watch. See how pretty.” Teagan forced his eyes open in the dimness and looked at Dusty poised above him. Dusty’s cock was rigid, 112

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the tip glistening, and he grinned down at Teagan. “Ready? Right now.” He sank down onto Teagan with no other warning, making both of them hiss. Teagan arched his neck and his hands came down to clench at Dusty’s thighs. Devin was next to him, prick painting a damp trail along his thigh and making appreciative noises when Teagan whimpered. Dusty squeezed around him and Teagan gave a choked cry. His eyes fluttered shut again and he reached blindly for Dusty’s cock. The head was slippery and the skin was warm, but before he got in more than one good stroke, Devin was pushing his hand away. “Let me take care of him. You lie there and let Dusty take care of you.” Devin nuzzled at Teagan’s cheek and reached for his brother. “But,” Teagan protested feebly, and then just stopped arguing when Dusty clenched around him again. “Oh, God. Dusty.” Devin groaned and rubbed against Teagan’s thigh again, one hand stretching up to clasp Dusty firmly and give him what he needed as Dusty sank down as far as he could onto Teagan’s erection. They started up a rhythm of sorts as Teagan began to rock up into Dusty, his hands grasping and releasing the bed covers and one foot sliding restlessly on the sheet. He listened to the soft moans and the whispers and the sounds of sex, his thrusts getting erratic when Devin murmured encouragement to both of them. “Dev,” Dusty gasped, and then there was fluid falling in a warm spatter on Teagan’s belly as Devin stroked Dusty into climax. Dusty’s orgasm made him tighten up everywhere and Teagan cried out. “Dusty. Shit!” Everything was hot and moving and then Dusty and Devin were both kissing him with open, wet mouths at the same time. “Show us how you can go, Teag.” Devin was rubbing on Teagan’s leg, sliding in the fluid his cock was making there. “Right now. Do it.” Teagan arched like a bow and came with a silent cry, his eyes squeezed shut and mouth open as he trembled and shook. His climax poured out into the willing body surrounding him and he was vaguely aware of Devin shuddering at Teagan’s side and spraying his thigh with a soft “Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah,” as he came. There was a warm, heavy pile of men around him and Teagan was helpless to do anything other than lie there in between them as they petted and kissed him and each other. His cock gave one final twitch in Dusty’s ass before softening a little. He pulled out as gently as he could and smiled when Dusty collapsed on top of him. “Uh,” Teagan tried to say, throat dry. “Welcome.” Dusty smiled into his neck and Devin chuckled, the sound vibrating along Teagan’s side. “You nap,” Devin told him, yawning and stretching. “Prolly another round or two in us later.” Dusty made a sound of agreement and Teagan snorted. “Maybe you. Dunno ‘bout me.” Soft laughter in his ear, followed quickly by two identical snores moments later. Teagan lay awake, his body relaxed but his mind racing, and thought about Cash.

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Sixteen

The Christmas holidays quickly led into New Year’s, and then it was February and Teagan called Stubby Pinson. “Sorry, Teagan.” Stubby did sound apologetic. “Ankle was a lot slower healin’ up than I thought. Had surgery on it three months ago, ain’t no way I’m gonna be ready to ride. Maybe next season, if I don’t retire.” “Yeah, okay.” Teagan sighed and scrubbed his face. “How’s Kate?” They talked about nothing for several minutes before Teagan heard the baby start to cry in the background. “Shoot. Katie’s off at her momma’s for a couple of days. I gotta go, Teag.” Stubby paused, then said, “I heard you had a good run with Cash Whitmore last year. He don’t want to ride with you, or what?” “No, he’s… doing his own thing.” Teagan shrugged. It was as close to truth as he knew, anyway. Cash was definitely doing his own thing. “Shame,” Stubby answered. “Heard you guys did okay.” They hung up and Teagan sat down at the kitchen table. He rested the heels of his hands on his eyes and was sitting that way when Loribeth came in. “One more horse and we’ll open the second barn.” She was cheerful as Teagan heard her wash her hands and then don her apron. “How was the new mare today?” “Okay.” Teagan didn’t move his hands. He pressed them in even harder and watched little starbursts appear behind his closed lids. “She favors her left hind leg. Bram called the vet; he’ll be out tomorrow afternoon. Can you watch for him if I’m not here?” “I can, yes. Where will you be?” She began opening and closing cupboards, probably taking out ingredients for supper. “Gotta find a damn heeler.” Fuck, it sounded even more depressing when he said it out loud. Lori didn’t answer him. Teagan listened to her prep things for the meal and thought again about roping solo, then discarded the idea for the third time. He just wasn’t good enough to bring in the money the ranch needed, especially now with their stables finally starting to fill. No, he definitely had to find a heeler. Jesus Christ, he was in the exact same situation as last year at this time. If it happened again next year, he was quitting rodeo to become a dishwasher at Tiffy’s. “Maybe you could start the season solo,” Lori said after a while. “See who’s out there. Pick up a heeler along the way.” But there was doubt in her voice. Teagan knew that Lori understood it would be difficult at best, disastrous at worst. Find a heeler who wanted to quit solo roping mid-season, with no chance to 114

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practice together? Hardly likely.

“Sure,” he answered tiredly. “What did Daddy say about wishin’?”

“If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride.” Her voice was soft and she laid a hand on Teagan’s back.

“It’ll work out, Teagan. It did last year. And if not, we’ll get by.”

“Tired of just getting by.”

She didn’t say anything else, just returned to cooking dinner. Teagan sighed and dropped his hands from his

eyes, blinking as the red spots faded and his vision returned to normal. He mumbled something about chores

and went out the back door to the barn.

He got to Tag’s stall and remembered not to check for Rowdy. It had taken Teagan weeks to break the habit,

but he still had to remind himself consciously not to look over in the dog’s usual corner.

Tag met him with a pleased snuffle and a search of Teagan’s shirt pocket for carrots. Teagan patted and whispered to Tag for a while, making the horse’s ears twitch and prick forward, and then Teagan pitched some clean straw down. He spent a while doing it, just enjoying the quiet. When Joe and Wade brought in the horses from the pasture, Teagan got out of their way and let them put the animals to bed. He wandered back up to the house and caught a whiff of chicken casserole before he even opened the back door. Lori put chicken and biscuits with plenty of gravy in front of him and they ate quietly together, neither of them with much to say. Teagan had two helpings and then Lori left him with the dishes after putting the leftovers in foil. He fell asleep in front of the television with no real idea about what he was going to do. *** Teagan started practicing solo because there was no other choice. His problem with it didn’t lie with actually getting the rope around the calf; that was the easy part. The issue started when he had to heave himself off

Tag, flank the calf, and tie off three of the animal’s feet.

He just wasn’t quick enough, never had been.

Joe and Bram leaned on the corral fence, watching and commenting, which only made Teagan more self-

conscious. Every once in a while, Wade would wander by and offer completely unhelpful advice.

“Gotta get off your fuckin’ horse faster’n that, Teag.”

“Knot ain’t tight enough.”

“He got a leg free. No score.”

“Tag’s keepin’ that rope too slack. Better train him to tighten up.”

It was the comment about his horse that finally ticked Teagan off enough to slide from Tag’s back and stand

in the middle of the practice ring with his hands on his hips. He was exhausted, sore, and sweaty. His jeans were brown with dust and his ribs on the left side hurt from where the fucking calf had kicked him. But 115

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mostly, he was out of goddamn patience. “Don’t you work?” he asked, glaring at each of them in turn. They smirked at him and then each other, but Teagan went on. “Because guess the fuck what? You’ll be out on your asses, all three of you, if I can’t get good enough at this shit to keep this ranch above water. Leave me the hell alone.” There was silence around the ring and then the three of them dropped their feet from the rail. Bram leveled Teagan with a stare. “You count yourself lucky on one thing, Teagan. Thank your grateful stars that I don’t come over this fence and kick your ass before takin’ leave of this place.” The man turned and sauntered away, trailed by Joe and Wade. None of them looked back. Teagan watched them go, rope in his hands, and wondered when he’d turned into such a dick. *** February slid into March and Teagan managed to improve his tie-down time by two and one tenths of a second. His best time was twelve seconds, far from anything that could be called good, but it was all he had and he practiced faithfully every day. He had no choice, if he wanted to compete in April. It kept his mind off Cash. That was the most important thing of all. The boys stayed out of Teagan’s way and Loribeth found a new ladies’ group that had formed at church. Teagan wasn’t quite sure what they did at their meetings, but when they congregated one night in Teagan’s living room, he fled to the barn in terror. He was lonely and he knew it. He thought once or twice about calling up Dusty and Devin just to ease the dull twinge inside, but somehow Teagan knew the last time he’d been with them had been… well, the last time. None of them had said anything, but they’d both kissed him sweetly when Teagan had left in the morning and told him to take care. They’d all known. Teagan was going through lube and lotion like crazy. Every fucking night, it seemed, his thoughts were haunted by snapping turquoise eyes. Memories of a flat stomach and strong arms, trim hips that funneled in toward a thick cock. The whole package of Cash wrapped up neatly in a fantasy that tormented Teagan enough to make him reach for his aching dick. Past midnight and still awake, he lay on his side and walked his fingers down over his stomach to his prick. It was the only way he could sleep these days, his climax relaxing him enough to allow sleep to overtake him for a few hours. His palm was filled with cool lotion and Teagan shivered a little when he touched himself with it. He coated his cock and teased at his balls before taking himself firmly in hand. His body tensed at his own touch, so hard that Teagan was nearly there just from thinking about Cash’s hands on his skin. A downward stroke made him groan softly. He was leaking, so a thumb over the head spread the fluid around and made things even more slick. It was warm and slippery and just right, and Teagan wanted to make it slow. He usually drew it out so that he could put off the empty feeling at the end, but his balls were already pulling up tight and he strained into his own hand. Hips jerking forward, Teagan jacked himself until tremors wracked him and the smell of his spunk rose up. 116

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He lay quietly, hand still on his softening cock, palm and fingers warm and sticky. “I miss you,” Teagan said out loud to the dark room. He hadn’t even known the words were there. *** Lori sent him to town with the grocery list and when he came back, there was an unfamiliar truck in the drive. It was new enough not to even have any license plates yet, though the dark blue paint was covered with a thin film of dust. He brought the bags to the kitchen and put away the perishables. Lori was nowhere in sight and there was no clue as to the owner of the truck, so Teagan wandered out to the barn in search of people. No one there either. He could hear the men in the ring out back with some of the horses and he knew Bram had gone out to the south pasture to fix fences. The only living things in the barn were Tagalong, anticipating his afternoon practice run, and Ellie, the mare that had thrown a shoe yesterday and was waiting on the farrier. He slid the door open to Tag’s stall and reached for the horse’s bridle. Before Teagan could coax Tag out, however, a small gray bundle dashed between Teagan’s legs and circled his feet once. Teagan startled, forgetting for a minute that his sudden movement would also alarm the horse, but Tag just snorted and wrenched his head from Teagan’s hand. He retreated back into his stall and blinked enormous eyes at the bundle near Teagan’s feet. There was a yip and a whine and Teagan stared down at the puppy that had apparently been inside Tag’s stall. It wasn’t all gray, as he’d thought at first glance. There were black speckles and brown patches and then most of the rest was silvery gray. A Blue Heeler, from the looks of him, just like Rowdy. “How’d you get in there?” He stared down at the puppy, who was clearly waiting for Teagan to do something other than just look at it. Its tail wagged with hope every time Teagan glanced in its direction. The puppy tilted its head and cocked its ears with such a comical expression on its spotted face that Teagan snorted a laugh and bent down to pick it up. A quick peek at the dog’s underside confirmed that he was a male. Teagan held the puppy up with two hands and peered into its bright eyes. “I think you’re lost,” he said to it. “He ain’t lost.” Teagan whipped his head around to the barn door. The sun was coming through and he squinted, able to see the outline of a person but unable to make out details. It had sounded like… nah. Teagan shook the thought away before it could take hold. But then the puppy squirmed to be let down, and when Teagan bent to lower the warm little body to the cement floor, the figure in the doorway stepped all the way inside. “Hey, Raff.” Teagan straightened up and locked eyes with Cash. The man held his hat in his hands and his gaze was clear and green in the fading afternoon light. “Hey,” Teagan echoed, and his heart gave an annoying skip.

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The puppy had sniffed its way over to Cash’s boots. Cash leaned over and scooped it up, smiling a little when the dog wriggled with glee and licked his face. “This is Ringo,” Cash said to Teagan. “Dog down the road got out and next we knew, our Maggie was havin’ a litter. Six healthy pups.” “Oh. So… he’s yours?” Teagan was thrown by both the normalcy of the conversation and the fact that Cash was standing there in his barn.

“Technically.” Cash chuckled and tried to move his head out of reach of the puppy’s tongue. “Got five

others at home that we’re tryin’ to get rid of, though. Thought maybe y’all could use one around here.”

“You’re here because… you wanted to bring me a puppy?” Maybe this conversation wasn’t so normal.

Cash let the dog lick his face a moment longer before returning it to the ground. He watched it scamper off

to sniff at the corners of the barn before planting his hands on his hips and turning to face Teagan. “No. I’m

here ‘cause Loribeth called my daddy’s house looking for me. And she said you need a heeler.”

“She called you. Lori called you?”

A corner of Cash’s mouth lifted. “Lori called me. Said she knew I was mad and that you were kinda stupid

but could I think about comin’ by anyway.”

Teagan wanted to take offense to the “stupid” remark, but it was mostly true, so he shoved his hands in the

back pockets of his jeans and scuffed a boot along the floor. “The stupid part’s kinda right.”

“Shoot, I know that,” Cash said wryly, but when Teagan looked up at him he was grinning. “Takes stupid to

know stupid.”

He didn’t really know what to make of that, so Teagan just shrugged and watched the puppy sniff around the

barn. “I need a heeler.”

“I need a header. Know one?”

Still watching the pup, Teagan nodded. “Yep.” He meant to stop there, but the next words were out before

he knew it. “I looked for you.”

Cash sighed. “Yeah. I… fuck, Teagan. I was pissed.”

Teagan finally raised his eyes to Cash’s face. “Are you still?”

“I brought you a damn puppy.” Cash arched a brow at him.

On cue, the pup gamboled over, little tongue lolling. Teagan scooped it up. “Don’t call my dog a damn

puppy.”

Cash rolled his eyes and stepped close enough to give the pup a scratch under its chin. “I want to ride with

you.”

“Why? I wouldn’t.”

Cash gave a soft laugh. “It wasn’t that bad, what you did,” he said. “I know I was a prick before the

accident. I’ve always been a prick. So how was I gonna blame you for not wanting me to remember it?” He stopped and licked his lips before going on. “And I missed you. We had a good thing. But… don’t think I’m 118

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ready to go all the way back there. I’ll ride with you, though.”

Teagan studied Cash as he petted the nearly-asleep puppy. It was still there, Teagan was pleased to note; the

slight change in personality that had surfaced in Cash after the accident. The one that made Teagan ache to

be near him. “I’m sorry,” Teagan offered, because he had nothing else to give.

“I know,” Cash answered, a tiny smile playing at his mouth. “We’re both a couple of sorry cowboys.”

“Who better win some money this season.”

“Damn right.”

*** They started practicing the next morning. Habits and patterns that they’d formed last season fell right into place as if there had been no break at all. They talked while they worked and Teagan was relieved and pleased to learn that Cash had regained most of the memory he’d lost, though there were bits and pieces that still eluded him. “Doc said they might always be gone,” Cash shrugged one day while they were wolfing down lunch. “Just gotta wait and see.” Tagalong was delighted to see Delilah and spent the first week flirting with her. Teagan spent the first week shouting at his horse to do what he was goddamn told or else he’d be glue by morning. Word spread quickly among the hands that Cash was back. By week’s end, two or three of them could be found propped up against the rail, watching practice. Teagan would never admit that he’d missed seeing them there. The undercurrent of sexual tension was present all the time. Neither of them mentioned it. Teagan spent most of the time in the saddle either hard or getting hard. Having Cash suddenly within range after nearly eight weeks without seeing the man was proving a real distraction to Teagan’s dick. Teagan found himself sneaking off at lunchtime or afternoon breaks to the bathroom for a quick handjob. The relief only lasted an hour or two at best, but Teagan had no other choice. He was glad to have Cash back in his life, although it seemed it was going to be in a purely nonsexual context. Not touching Cash in anything other than a casual manner was wearing on Teagan, no matter how hard he tried to ignore it. When April finally arrived and the trees budded green, Teagan was grateful as hell for the distraction of their first rodeo. Cash was next to him on Delilah and vibrating with eagerness. “Chuck and Billy broke the barrier. Did you see?” He was grinning and Teagan had to laugh. “Ain’t real nice to be happy about other people’s penalties.” “Shoot, why the fuck not?” Cash chuckled and turned his attention back to the ring. “They beat our asses good last year.” 119

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It was true. Chuck Dower and Billy Jackson had come in just a shade ahead of them at least three times. Teagan was determined to score higher than the other pair this year. “That’s us, man. Let’s do it.” Their names and numbers were announced and Cash turned Delilah’s head toward his place on the right side of the steer chutes. Tag automatically followed Delilah and Teagan managed to wrangle him into place on the other side of the chute. The snorting steer was loaded for them and Teagan waited until the beast had settled somewhat. Just before raising his hand to signal that they were ready, he glanced over at Cash. Cash looked up and gave Teagan a wink and grin that went straight to Teagan’s cock. Teagan forced his gaze back to the arena and raised his hand. The gate swung open and the steer bolted, hell-bent for freedom. Tag huffed out a breath and tensed, waiting, and when the barrier finally broke, the horse dashed out after the steer. Seven seconds and three dallies later, the cow lay stretched out between Tag and Delilah and Teagan was grinning wide enough to split his face. Cash let out a holler and tossed his hat before releasing the steer. “Oh, fuck yes!” Cash shouted at the top of his lungs, and the crowd that could hear him cheered back. Two more go-rounds and their score remained the same. Teagan shouted and threw both arms in the air after the last one. Cash stood in his stirrups and whooped some more at the people in the stands, letting Delilah take a trot around the ring. They wouldn’t take the whole thing, but it was a damn good start to the season, and Teagan felt his heart lift even higher than he had when Cash had come to the barn. His cock was also doing some lifting, but Teagan didn’t know whether that was from the win or the fact that Cash had ridden up next to him, eyes shining. “All the way.” Cash was smiling and happy. “All the way this season, huh, Raff? We could. We could do it.” “We could do it,” Teagan admitted, thinking maybe it was true. Maybe. “With rides like that, we could.” Cash nodded vigorously and seemed to vibrate with eagerness. “Damn. That was good. That was so good. I missed that like fuck. I missed--” he paused and furrowed his brow, staring at his saddle for a moment before looking up and catching Teagan’s gaze. “I missed you.” “I missed you.” Teagan was afraid to say more, afraid that the next thing out of his mouth would be “touch me” or something equally as stupid. And Christ, they were surrounded by cowboys and horses and noise; this was far from an ideal location. “Teagan,” Cash said softly, and Teagan didn’t know how he heard the man among the racket around them, but he did. Teagan reached out and grabbed Delilah’s bridle, glad for once that she liked Tagalong enough to get extraclose to him, and brought her up alongside his own horse. He leaned over, right there amid the dust and the racket and the curious looks, and brought his mouth down hard over Cash’s. He had to, Teagan thought, because he thought he might die or go insane if he didn’t. When Cash gave an imperceptible sigh and kissed Teagan back, Teagan knew they couldn’t stay there. “Where?” Teagan growled against Cash’s mouth. 120

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“Don’t know. Don’t care. Somewhere.” Cash pulled back a fraction and stared at Teagan, the blue-green of his eyes only a thin ring around the black of his pupils. Thanking God or the devil that they were at a local rodeo, Teagan immediately turned Tag toward the trucks. Delilah followed, predictably, and Teagan and Cash had the horses trailered in record time. Teagan took a moment to curse the fact that they never got a double trailer while they were riding together, because it meant that Cash had to follow behind in his own truck. Time enough to change that later. Right now, Teagan only cared about getting somewhere quiet and flat before his cock popped the button on his jeans. They were twenty minutes from the Sliding A and it had never seemed so far. Teagan spent most of the drive with his hand pressing down on his erection in an effort to find a little relief. He finally pulled into the drive and threw the truck into park, knowing someone from the barn would hear them arrive and wander out to see to the horses. Cash didn’t say a word as he got out of his own truck and followed Teagan up the steps of the house. Teagan could feel Cash behind him, solid and warm and real, and Teagan gave an involuntary shudder at having him so close after so long. It was late enough at night for Lori’s door to be closed, but both of them were silent enough that she probably wouldn’t have known they were there anyway. Teagan brought Cash into his bedroom and nudged the door closed before reaching for him. Cash came to him immediately and Teagan didn’t know how much he needed him until Cash was there. Their mouths met again in a desperate kiss, hands clutching at arms and then wandering over chests and stomachs but not finding what they really needed. He felt Cash tug at his shirt. “Off,” Cash whispered. “So I can touch you.” Teagan yanked his shirt over his head, unconcerned when he heard a button go flying. “You,” he whispered back, suddenly aching to touch bare skin, desiring more of something but not knowing what. Cash nodded and then his shirt was gone as well, leaving only two pairs of jeans between them. “Want.” He bent his head and licked at Teagan’s collarbone, a wide swath from side to side that made Teagan groan. They moved to the bed while clumsy fingers fumbled at each other’s belts and flies. Teagan cursed out loud when Cash’s hand brushed against his aching cock and Teagan’s fingers grew even more useless. “Fuck. I can’t--damn it.” Cash chuckled and tumbled him backwards to the bed. “Shh. Got it.” Teagan lay still as Cash slid on top of him to work at his belt. “Oh, God, thank you,” he groaned when Cash slid Teagan’s jeans off and his prick sprang from its confines. There was absence of a warm body for a moment and then Cash returned to him, blessedly naked. “Pretty.” His voice was soft as his fingers skimmed over Teagan’s belly. They dipped lower, tracing tiny circles around Teagan’s cock, and then touching the head with only his fingertips. Teagan was transfixed by Cash’s touch and totally unashamed of the way his cock strained toward the sensation, lifting on its own and beginning to leak. “Let me touch you.” He had to, needed to. 121

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“Touch away.” Cash grinned at him and leaned back on his elbows, bending one knee and planting his foot on the bed. His cock lay thick and heavy on his stomach and Teagan yearned to taste it. He bent his head and took a lick, sweeping up the tiny drop of fluid that had beaded at the tip. The flavor spread sweet and strong on his tongue and Teagan moaned softly before doing it again, sucking at the soft skin and searching the slit for more of the taste. “Teagan.” Cash’s voice was low and urgent. “Cash,” he whispered back, before closing his lips around the head of Cash’s dick. Teagan went down on him with one smooth dip, taking him in as far as he could, waiting and listening for the reaction. Teagan craved something, anything that would tell him Cash was getting as lost as Teagan was. “Ohfuckyes. Ohyesyesyesyes.” Cash dropped all the way down to the bed and tangled both hands in Teagan’s hair. He was shaking, Teagan could feel it, and rock-hard in Teagan’s mouth. Long, silky pulls on Cash’s cock rewarded Teagan with more fluid and half-moaned praise. Teagan tried desperately not to rub himself as he sucked and licked, but he was afraid he might come anyway before Cash was finished and Teagan wanted--needed--to fuck him. That thought in mind, Teagan set to work. He played over Cash’s velvet flesh with the flat of his tongue and loved all of it; the taste and texture and scent. Teagan cupped Cash’s balls gently in one hand and tugged a little bit to see what would happen, smiling when Cash whimpered and arched. Teagan’s cock twitched and gave a throb, but he still managed to hold off for the moment while he used his mouth and hands on Cash to love and touch and taste. When Cash’s whimpers had turned into full-fledged moans, Teagan dropped his head again and sucked as hard as he could. “Oh, fuck!” Cash cried out, slamming his hands down on the bed and bucking into Teagan’s mouth. His balls drew up tight in Teagan’s hand and then he was coming down Teagan’s throat in hot, shuddering pulses that Teagan greedily swallowed. He let Cash slip from his mouth and lunged for his nightstand drawer where he kept the condoms and lube. He ripped the foil with his teeth and slicked one down, then squeezed out a healthy portion of lube onto his fingers, shoving two inside Cash’s ass with little to no fanfare. They both groaned in unison and then Teagan dragged his fingers out to clumsily coat himself. “Ready?” he gasped, lining up. “God, say yes.” “Do it, hurry, hurry, hurry, Christ! Do it!” Cash’s eyes were huge and begging and he drew a leg back to invite Teagan in. Teagan slid home with one long, smooth glide and knew right then that that was what he had been waiting for. “Ohhhh, fuck, that’s good.” He thrust slowly, though his body was screaming to just pound in for all he was worth. “Cash. Tight. Oh, God. Missed you.” Cash shifted his hips and Teagan changed the angle just enough to brush against the man’s gland. He knew he’d found the spot when Cash arched his neck and squeezed his eyes shut. “There. Teagan. Missed you.” Teagan started breathing harder and felt a bead of sweat trickle down between his shoulderblades. He was only managing short gasps now as he felt his orgasm build and build, weeks of watching and wanting Cash 122

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finally culminating with this. There was heat and fire in his balls and his thrusts turned to stutters as the shudders grew stronger. “Cash. Gonna come, I can’t--oh, damn!” He was too close, so Teagan just threw his head back and let go. The waves of pleasure rolled over like waves and he poured into Cash for what seemed like hours. The spasms wracked him until he was completely spent, and by the time he was done, all Teagan could do was collapse in a heap on Cash’s chest. When he could think again, Teagan realized Cash was petting him and whispering something. “Hm?” Teagan asked sleepily, pulling out and disposing of the condom as neatly as he could before returning to the warmth of Cash’s embrace. Cash smiled against Teagan’s temple. “Said it might be a good season.” Teagan laughed out loud and cuddled him close, his mind full and his heart happy. “Yeah, might be.” He glanced up at Cash and then back down again, nuzzling at his neck. “Long as I got a good partner.” “You got one.”

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