Devotedly His

DEVOTEDLY HIS

…Spencer unlocked and opened the front door to find Max standing there, smiling apologetically. “Can I come in?” “Of course.” He stepped aside to let Max inside. “Everything okay?” “I had it out with that Pete guy.” Spencer nodded and shut the door. “Didn’t go well I bet.” “He denied it and said you were lying to get rid of him.” He stared at Max. “What? Why would I do that?” Max seemed to be studying him, as though trying to make up his mind about something. “He said you wanted to get rid of him because you want me for yourself.” Max laughed rather nervously. Spencer’s heart stuttered. “I…what?” “Is it true?” Max whispered. “Max, Pete grabbed my ass. I would never lie to you about that.” Spencer walked away from that penetrating stare and went back into the kitchen for his tea. He knew without turning around Max had followed him. He never expected Max to ask him about his feelings. What the hell was he supposed to say? Nothing. “Spence.” He turned to face his friend. “What do you want me to say, Max? I told you I’m not lying about Pete.” “I believe you. I’ve always believed you.” “Then, I’m not sure what else you want from me.” “Is there some truth to what Pete said? Not about your ass but about you wanting me?” Max didn’t look happy about the idea of Spencer wanting him, either…

ALSO BY S HAWN LANE At Long Last The Beach House The Best Gift Car Wash Galaxy’s Heart The “His” Series His One And Only Hitting It Big The Impersonator Jake’s Regret Lawyers In Love Lost Between Manfred’s Curse Most Likely To Succeed Only For Him Only Forever Only His Heart Only In His Dreams The Other Side Pulling Away Sorcerer’s Lover, I & II The Squire Still The One Sweet Reunion Ticket To Ride Twice In A Lifetime Until The End Of Time

DEVOTEDLY HIS BY SHAWN LANE

AMBER Q UILL PRESS, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com

DEVOTEDLY HIS AN AMBER QUILL PRESS BOOK This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental. Amber Quill Press, LLC http://www.AmberQuill.com All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review. Copyright © 2011 by Shawn Lane ISBN 978-1-61124-183-9 Cover Art © 2011 Trace Edward Zaber

PUBLISHED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

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CHAPTER 1 October Spencer Lyons tried not to let his gaze dart to the clock on the wall as he handed the boutique store package to the woman at his register. He flashed his best customer service smile. “Thank you for shopping at Pierre’s. Is there any other way I can assist you today?” “No, that’s it. Thank you.” He held in his sigh of relief until she had disappeared from view. Finally, he was done for the day. Opening his register, he took out the money drawer and called out to the store’s other employee that day, “I’m going to head out after I count my drawer, Denise.” 1

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She waved her hand, not looking away from the television. It was like this every day beginning at two in the afternoon when General Hospital was on. Then she watched Judge Judy and Dr. Phil. Spencer quickly counted his drawer, stored the drawer and its contents properly, and left the store. Pierre’s was one of those seaside touristy shops, this one attached to a swanky ocean view hotel. It didn’t have plastic snow globes filled with shells and sand or T-shirts with corny sayings, but what the hotel considered more high-end souvenirs. Things like sea life paintings, blown glass figurines, and water color scarves. Stepping outside, the soft sea breeze touched his hair and blew his hair away from his face. The sun felt warm against his skin but not too hot. The worst of the year’s heat was over and with it the long days of sunlight, unfortunately. As he bicycled the two blocks to his apartment, Spencer smiled, thinking of his plans for the evening. After something to eat and a shower, his friend Sammy was coming to pick him up and they were off to a gay Latin club in Hollywood known as Javier’s. It was Thursday night and Spencer figured he needed some action. Something to take his mind off his ever-increasing dissatisfaction. Sure, he kind of liked working at the boutique, but the truth was, he didn’t need to work there or anywhere, really. The Lyons were old school money, a sort of West Coast Kennedys. His parents and siblings didn’t even know why Spencer worked at such a menial job. Spencer had a college degree in Fine Arts, but he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to do with it. His older brother was the president of a fancy hotel chain the family owned and had often suggested Spencer take an interest in hotel management 2

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instead of working in a gift shop. He needed to do something different, he guessed. Right now his loneliness was eating away at him, but he strongly suspected that was due more to unrequited love than anything else. Spencer was hopelessly in love with his best friend, Max Ramirez. He didn’t bother to deny it anymore, to himself anyway. Too bad Max didn’t…would never…feel the same way. A few hours later, Sammy arrived to pick him up for the club. Sammy was similar in appearance to him, slim and well under six foot, but perhaps a little more exotic looking with dark, almondshaped eyes, which he lined with blue kohl, and dyed black hair. They had once worked together as young college students at an ice cream shop and had bonded over their love of clubbing and hot, Hispanic men. “Ready?” Sammy touched his cheek to Spencer’s. He took in Spencer’s tight black pants that hugged his ass and his red shirt opened at the throat. “You look gorgeous. You’ll be eaten alive.” Spencer laughed. “I hope so.” Sammy was dressed similarly, but he wore a blue shirt to match the kohl lining his eyes, and a blue glass dangly earring in his left ear. “Look at you. Talk about gorgeous.” Sammy winked. “Of course, darling.” The pounding rhythms of the salsa music had his blood pumping the minute he and Sammy stepped inside the club. Being a Thursday night, he was surprised it was so crowded with dancing, gyrating men on the dance floor. Glancing at the bar, Spencer noted it was likewise crowded with men. He searched the patrons, looking for someone who would look similar enough to Max to suit. That was always his purpose. A substitute for who he really wanted. 3

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Pathetic. “I see someone I met last time,” Sammy said into his ear. “Catch you later.” He nodded and stepped over to the bar to order a mojito. Out of the corner of his eye, Spencer could see several guys looking his way. Spencer, with his sandy hair and boyish looks, usually got plenty of attention. “Hello there,” someone said from directly beside him. Spencer turned to the man and smiled. A muscular man with a thin mustache stood there leering at him. “Hi.” “Can I buy you a drink?” “I’m not done with this one yet.” The man leaned close. “Want to dance?” Spencer took a couple of swallows of his drink and then abandoned it on the bar to follow the man to the dance floor. He didn’t look like Max, really, but Spencer could maybe pretend. The man grabbed Spencer by the waist and turned him so that Spencer’s ass would be against the man’s crotch where he could feel his prominent erection. He wrapped an arm snugly around Spencer’s waist and began to move. Spencer wondered, briefly, if he ought to tell the guy his name and ask the same of him, but really, did it matter? He’d never see the guy again. The man nuzzled his throat, his lips trailing to Spencer’s ear. “You are so hot.” He leaned back. “You’re not so bad yourself.” “I want to fuck you,” the man growled. Like that wasn’t obvious. He pushed his ass against the man’s crotch in silent agreement. He led Spencer from the dance floor and down a dark, smelly 4

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hallway he was all too familiar with. Couples leaned against walls, kissing and groping each other. The man with him led him to the end of the hallway and through a door into a tiny room that contained a desk, a bottled water dispenser and a few other pieces of miscellaneous office equipment. Spencer knew the club used it during the day for business, and patrons used it at night for hookups. The man wasted no time once they were in the room. He pushed Spencer toward the desk and Spencer braced his hands on the edge. Hands reached to lower his pants to his knees and then the man knelt on the floor behind him. A wet tongue stabbed at his hole and Spencer groaned, reaching for his cock to jerk himself. He supposed stranger sex wasn’t the wisest thing, but if he couldn’t have who he really wanted, he just couldn’t see himself in a relationship with someone who wasn’t Max. The man stood and rolled a condom on his dick. Without much else in the way of preparation, he pushed his fat cock into Spencer. Biting his lips, Spencer grimaced. What did he expect? Kissing and romance? “Fuck me hard.” He pushed his ass back against the man and welcomed the numbness that overtook his mind. *

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As Spencer locked his bike to his balcony after a long shift at Pierre’s, he sighed and looked out on the street below his apartment. Hot men and women jogged by, as well as people walking their dogs. A typical Friday evening. He was exhausted and just a little restless. Sure, he’d had his fun at Javier’s last night. Besides the first guy, he’d then participated in a ménage with two 5

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other hunks. While one had fucked him, the other one shoved his cock in Spencer’s mouth. Then they’d switched around. But he’d gone home emptier than ever. Was he getting too old for this shit? He went back inside his apartment, intending to spend a quiet evening alone. His feet had been killing him for days so he planned to give them a long soak in a soothing bubbly tub of warm water. He had his spot staked out on his ratty old couch where he would pamper his feet, put on a marathon of his favorite movies, and sip wine coolers. Spencer quickly got ready for his evening, stripping down to just a T-shirt and boxers. He chose a mango wine cooler, got out his big industrial sized bucket and filled it with lime scented bubble bath, prepared his DVD player, and went to settle on the sofa before the television. His cell phone sprang to life with his ringtone of Adam Lambert’s “If I Had You.” “Damn,” Spencer grumbled. He’d left the phone in his pants, which he’d discarded by the sliding glass doors to his balcony as soon as he stepped back inside. He fetched his phone and glanced at the caller ID. “What’s up, Max?” Max Ramirez had been his best friend since they’d met during a drama class their freshman year of college. They’d bonded over both of them being gay, though even now they didn’t really have that much in common. When Spencer wasn’t working at the boutique he was doing local community theater. Max had gone on to become a dentist and was in his second year of working at a dental group practice. “I broke up with Ken,” Max’s deep voice spoke softly. Spencer frowned. “What? Why? When?” 6

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“I should say he broke up with me. It’s over, Spence. We had a big fight last night and he moved out this morning.” “Ah, I’m sorry, man.” And he meant that. He wanted Max to be happy. Seemed like he had terrible taste in men, though. “Can I come over? I don’t feel like being alone.” Max paused. “Unless you have plans?” “No, no, you can come over. I was just going to soak my feet and watch some movies.” “You sure?” He sighed. “Yeah, I’m not going out.” Oh, sure, he could go to one of the clubs he frequented and probably get felt up or propositioned. He knew Sammy was probably up for another night. But he just wasn’t feeling it. “Okay, want me to pick up anything? Some dinner?” “Sounds good. Maybe chicken or something.” “I’ll see you in a few.” Max hung up. Spencer took his work pants into his bedroom and tossed them in the hamper. He grabbed a pair of jeans from his dresser and pulled those on. It was fine to sit around in your boxers alone, but since Max was coming he’d have to play host. By the time he tidied up his small one-bedroom apartment, Max was knocking on the door. Max actually had a key to his apartment, but he always knocked, no matter how many times Spencer told him it wasn’t necessary. “Hey, you,” he said, opening the door to Max, who held a bucket of chicken and a bag containing the sides. Max greeted him with a smile, though it was strained. “Hey, yourself.” Spencer watched as Max took the food into his kitchen. Max, tall, muscular and handsome, was the son of third generation 7

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Mexican immigrants. Being a dentist, Max had the best smile of anyone Spencer had ever known. Bright white, dimpled, and filled with warmth. Was it any wonder Spencer was in love with his best friend? “Want a wine cooler? I have mango and strawberry kiwi,” Spencer offered. “Mango, please.” Max had been there so many times he knew exactly where everything was, so he took out paper plates and brought the food to the dining room table. When they were seated, Spencer took a sip of his wine cooler. “Want to tell me about it?” He knew Max would. How many times had he heard about Max’s breakups? Max shrugged. “Basically he said I wasn’t emotionally involved enough.” “Not emotionally involved?” “He thinks there’s someone else I really want.” Max frowned. “Someone else? Is there?” Max shook his head. “I told him no, but he didn’t believe me. Said I’m holding back part of myself. Crazy, huh? Said he was more into me than I was into him.” Max took several swallows of his wine cooler. “Anyway, it’s over. How long did this one last?” Spencer thought about it. “Five months, three weeks.” Max winced. “Two days.” “Thanks, I think.” He smiled. “Want to know hours?” “No, smartass.” Max finished off the wine cooler. “I’m going to sign up for one of those online dating sites.” Spencer’s hand froze as he raised the wine cooler bottle to his 8

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lips. “What? They have those for same-sex relationships?” “Yeah, even the mainstream dating sites now have them.” He frowned. “Is that really necessary? Aren’t there other ways to meet guys?” “What? Clubs? Come on, Spence, you know yourself those guys just want hookups, not a relationship.” “Well, what’s wrong with that? We’re both young, why think about settling down anyway? It’s not like we need to hurry up and start a family.” Max nodded and stood to clear their plates. “I get that settling down isn’t for everyone, including you. I’m not judging you. If casual hookups are what you’re interested in, Spence, that’s cool. I just want more, which is why I’ve been involved in all these relationships as it is.” “Bad relationships,” Spencer reminded him. “Right, but the dating sites promise compatibility. I choose only the ones that have something in common with me.” “Seems like you’ve given this some thought.” Spencer went back into the living room, giving the now likely cold bucket of water a look of longing. The best laid plans. Early on in his friendship with Max, Spencer had hoped Max would see him as something more than just a friend. But every guy Max went out with seemed to be the opposite of Spencer. Tall, dark and ruggedly handsome. Rather on the macho side. Definitely not a slim, sandy haired guy who was barely over five-seven in his stocking feet and who still got carded when he went to clubs due to his boyish—he refused to think twink—looks. “What are we going to watch?” Max asked, moving to sit on the sofa next to where Spencer usually sat. Spencer had picked out a weep fest for himself, Steel 9

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Magnolias, Erin Brockovich , About a Boy, and Dead Again. He seriously doubted Max would want to watch any of those, so he decided to leave it up to Max. “I hadn’t picked yet. What do you think?” Spencer walked over to the cabinet of DVDs. “How about a Die Hard marathon?” He barely refrained from rolling his eyes. The only reason he had the set of Die Hard DVDs was because Max had given them to him as a gift at Christmas a couple of years ago. “Sure.” How he’d gone from a nice quiet night of pampering his feet to watching blaring action movies with Max, Spencer didn’t quite know. “Want another wine cooler?” “Yeah, thanks.” Max took his shoes and socks off and got comfortable on the couch. *

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When Spencer woke up some time later, he realized they were on the third Die Hard movie and he was cuddled up on the couch next to Max. In fact, Max lay lengthwise on the couch, his legs spread wide and Spencer lay between them, his head resting on Max’s shoulder. Spencer glanced up to see Max’s eyes were open and watching the movie. “Sorry, guess I fell asleep.” He struggled to free himself of the too intimate position. “Shh, the best part’s coming up.” Max held him close. Spencer smiled and closed his eyes. It wasn’t the first time they’d ended up this way. They were very good friends, comfortable with each other. It just never went further than this. In the background he could hear gunfire and explosions and 10

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knew Bruce Willis was kicking butt. So what if he didn’t get to watch the movies he wanted. This was nice, too. “You working tomorrow?” Max asked after a while. “No. Got a rehearsal in the afternoon though.” “What’s the theater putting on this time?” Max always came to at least one of Spencer’s performances. “The Sound of Music. I’m playing Rolfe.” Max chuckled. “The curse of looking young for your age.” Spencer snorted. “You’re telling me. I tried out for the captain.” “Who got that part?” Max asked, absently rubbing Spencer’s back. “Stewart Henderson.” “Stewie? He can’t sing.” “I know. The director said they’d have George do the singing for him off stage. Said it would make Stewie seem more like Christopher Plummer if we dubbed his voice.” “Hmm. Well, he does look the part, I suppose.” “I guess. Want some popcorn?” He yawned. “No, then we’d have to move. I’m comfortable.” So was Spencer, though he refused to admit too much. Max’s long fingers played with Spencer’s wavy hair. “So, when’s opening night?” “Um…” Spencer tried to think, but it was hard to do so with Max touching him. He loved the times when Max was between boyfriends. Max became extra affectionate. When he had a man, well, the man was always there with Max and wouldn’t allow the touchy-feely stuff between Spencer and Max. It was platonic, of course, but the boyfriend, whoever he was, never saw it that way, 11

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so moments like this didn’t happen. Another reason to dread when Max finally decided he’d found Mr. Right. “Spence?” “Two Saturdays from tomorrow.” “I’ll have to get tickets.” “Yeah. What about you? You working tomorrow?” “No, I only have Saturday hours every other Saturday. I told Mama I’d go over there for dinner tomorrow night. It’s my uncle’s birthday. You want to come?” “Your mama didn’t invite me.” “You don’t need an invitation. You’re family. She’s making tamales.” Spencer could almost taste Max’s mother’s tamales. They were heaven. Being a real part of Max’s family would be heaven, actually, not just Max’s friend. But those were dreams he could never have. “Sure, I’ll come. What time?” “Just come when your rehearsal is over. We’ll be partying all day and night.” Max yawned. “Can I stay over?” “Like I’d kick you out. Of course you can. I’ll make pancakes in the morning.” “An offer I definitely can’t refuse.” Spencer untangled himself when the credits rolled for the movie, went to the DVD player, and shut it off. “I’m exhausted. Let me get you pillows.” His couch was a sofa bed and Max was already pulling it out to its full size. He’d already pulled off his shirt and was reaching to unsnap his pants. The sight of Max’s bare chest and biceps never ceased to get Spencer excited, which he didn’t want to make obvious to Max, so he hurried from the room to get the pillows for 12

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his friend before his half-hard cock became more noticeable. Taking a moment to will his cock to behave, he grabbed the pillows from his linen closet and took them back to Max. He threw them in Max’s general direction. “Well, goodnight.” And he turned and hurried back to his own bedroom, wondering if he would be able to get to sleep without jerking off.

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CHAPTER 2 Max came out of Spencer’s shower the next morning at around ten to the potent smell of cooking bacon. His mouth watering, he pulled on one of the clean T-shirts he kept at Spencer’s for just this sort of occasion. “That’s not just pancakes,” he said, walking out to the kitchen. “Nope.” Spencer was bent over, looking in the bottom crisper of his refrigerator. He’d pulled on a pair of loose fitting gray sweatpants paired with a black tank top. The sweatpants were so huge on Spencer it was hard to tell the man had a very fine ass even with it sticking up in the air as it was now. “What are you doing?” Max glanced away and helped himself to a cup of coffee. “Getting the cantaloupe.” Spencer straightened. He held a small 14

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cantaloupe in his hands. His sandy hair stood up every which way. Bed hair, Max guessed it was called. He had a smudge of what looked like flour across his left cheek. Too adorable, as usual. His heart squeezed just a little, but he ignored it. “You want me to cut that up?” He tried to hide his smile, but he was pretty sure he failed when Spencer’s green eyes narrowed. “No, I can do it. Just go sit at the table. It’s almost ready.” Max sat at the dining table, all the while watching Spencer. If Spence ever decided to settle down instead of playing around at the clubs, he’d really make someone a terrific partner. He was sweet, sexy, and a pretty decent cook. What else could any man ask for? After a few minutes, Spencer set a plate of four pancakes in front of Max, as well as bringing a separate plate filled with perfectly crisped bacon, which he set on the table between them. Then he brought over the cut up cantaloupe in a bowl. “Everything looks and smells fantastic.” “Thank you. It’s not much,” Spence said in his usual humble way. Max had noticed over the years Spence didn’t feel comfortable with compliments. He wasn’t sure why until he’d met Spencer’s wealthy parents. They were cold fish as far as Max was concerned, doing their best to convince Spence and his siblings they were barely tolerated. It was part of the reason Max had brought Spence into his own family. His family was hardly perfect and definitely didn’t have the money Spencer’s did, but most of them were warmer and friendlier than Spence’s family. His friend needed that. He had such a tendency to be a loner unless forced into social interaction. After a bite of the pancakes, Max sighed appreciatively. “Damn, you make the best pancakes.” 15

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Spencer rolled his eyes. “Pancakes are pancakes.” “Nope. Bacon’s good, too. And don’t say bacon is bacon.” His friend laughed. “I don’t have to, you did it for me. If you say I make the best coffee I might have to hit you. What do you want that you’re buttering me up for?” “Nothing. I just think you’re a talented cook. Ever thought about cooking school?” “No. I enjoy cooking, but the last thing I want to do is make it a chore.” Max nodded. “Okay.” He was aware Spencer’s brother wanted him to get into the hotel business, but he couldn’t see a free spirit like Spencer wanting to wear a suit and smile at complaining hotel guests. Spencer poked at his pancakes, moving them around his plate rather than actually eating them. “Tell me about this guy you want.” “What guy?” “Whoever you’re looking for when you sign up for the dating site. What qualities are you looking for in a partner?” Max smiled. “Well, it doesn’t hurt if he’s hot.” Spencer chuckled. “That goes without saying, but are you really going to list that as a requirement? First, it will make you sound shallow, and second, there are plenty of nice-looking guys who may not think they are hot, per se.” “That’s true.” Max thought about it. “I guess I’m looking for someone like me.” “Like you?” “Around my age, stable, quiet, homebody, believes in monogamy, not a bum.” “Boring.” 16

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Max dropped the forkful of pancake he was about to stick in his mouth. “Are you calling me boring?” “No, I’m calling your description boring. Your description is very generic and could almost fit anyone. How about something like athletic, enjoys outdoor activities, watching movies, Mexican food, and ugly dogs.” “Hey, Chekhov isn’t ugly.” His dog, Chekhov, a borzoi, had become his when one of his boyfriends left him behind after a nasty breakup. Grinning, Spencer shook his head. “If you say so.” “Not hungry?” Max gestured to the plate of food Spence was playing with. “Guess not. I need to get the kitchen cleaned up and get a shower before rehearsal anyway.” “Still coming to my mother’s for my uncle’s party?” “Sure.” *

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Max arrived at his mother’s about three that afternoon. She lived in a small bungalow-style home in the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles. Max and his brothers and sisters had grown up there. His father had passed away of a heart attack five years ago, so it was just his mother and one of his sisters at the house now. Though it always seemed as though his mother had some sort of family over. He found his mama in the kitchen still preparing food for the bunch of lazy-asses out on the patio drinking beers and margaritas. He kissed the top of her five-foot head. “Ah, Maxie, there you are,” she said with a wide smile. “What 17

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do you want to drink? Let me get it for you.” “I’ll get it myself. Uncle Rio here already?” “Yeah, everyone is here. You’re the last.” “Oh, Spencer might come later.” “Good, I miss that boy. He doesn’t come around enough.” She grabbed a platter of chips and salsa and bean dip and headed for the back door. “I’ll get that for you.” “No, you get your drink.” She went out the door. Max turned to the refrigerator and noticed his older brother, Carlos, standing there. “How long you been standing there?” Carlos shrugged. He shook his head and reached inside the fridge for a bottle of beer. “Why does Spencer need to come? He’s not family.” “I invited him. And he’s like family to me.” Carlos made a face, but said nothing. “What? You have a problem with Spence?” “He’s gay.” “So? I’m gay, too.” His brother snorted. “With you, it’s not noticeable. If you didn’t tell anyone, no one would ever know or guess. With Spencer it’s obvious.” “He’s hardly flamboyant. And even if he were, so what? Where is this coming from all of a sudden?” Carlos walked around him to go into the fridge for a beer himself. “It’s not all of a sudden. I’m not comfortable with queers.” His jaw tightening, Max straightened and leveled his gaze at his brother. “That’s just too damn bad.” 18

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His mama stepped back inside from the patio and looked at her sons. “What is going on? Are you two fighting?” Carlos shrugged. “I’m going back outside.” When he had gone out, Max turned to his mother. “You need help with anything?” “No, no, you go on outside and say happy birthday to your uncle. I’ll let you know if I need help.” Max went out onto the patio with his beer and sought out his uncle. The old man, who was actually his mother’s uncle, sat under a bright orange umbrella at the edge of the patio. He had on a Los Angeles Dodgers baseball cap. Max’s sisters and their husbands were on the opposite side of the patio talking loud and animatedly. Carlos stood talking to Max’s cousins. “Uncle Rio.” Max leaned down to kiss his uncle’s forehead and sat in the chair beside him. “Happy eighty-fifth birthday.” His uncle snorted. “You have to remind me. Be a good boy and bring the chips and salsa closer.” Max got up and brought a bowl of chips and a bowl of homemade salsa to their table. “How are you feeling?” “Eh, not too bad. Some aches and pains. Where is your boyfriend?” “Actually Ken and I broke up.” “Win some, lose some.” “I seem to lose a lot,” Max said with a wry smile. “That guy, he was not for you,” Uncle Rio said. “Nice enough, but he never seemed right for you.” “And who does?” He wondered if his uncle actually had someone in mind. “Hmm. What about Spencer?” Max’s jaw dropped open. “Spence?” 19

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Uncle Rio shrugged. “You’ve been friends for years. I’m just surprised you’ve never explored something there. I’m no expert on good-looking men, but that one, he seems—what do you say— cute.” “He is cute.” “Well, then?” How did he explain this to Uncle Rio? It wasn’t that he didn’t want Spencer. God, Max wasn’t blind. Spencer was sexy as sin. But he wasn’t boyfriend material. Max wanted a serious, faithful boyfriend. Since Max had known Spencer he’d never had a boyfriend. If Spencer had spent more than one night with a guy, Max didn’t know about it. As much as he adored Spence, hell, his best friend meant everything to him, he didn’t want to live his life wondering if Spencer would cheat on him. And he’d made up his mind long ago he’d rather have Spence in his life as his best friend than never have him at all. And so, he was resigned to dating other men, very different men from Spencer. “Spence and I just make better friends than anything else, Uncle Rio.” “If you say so.” His uncle took a chip and dipped it into the salsa. “You’d make a cute couple.” He decided it was time to change the subject. “What are you drinking, Uncle? Can I get you another?” When he went back into the kitchen a few minutes later, the doorbell rang. “That will be Spencer. Excuse me.” Max left the kitchen and went to the front door where, sure enough, Spencer waited. “Hey, you, how did the rehearsal go?” 20

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“Pretty good,” Spencer said as he came into the house. “But I have to admit I feel vaguely ridiculous singing about being seventeen going on eighteen.” Max laughed. “Ah, the perils of looking young. It could be worse. They could have cast you as the youngest boy.” “Hush.” “Come on, let’s get you something to drink.” When they reached the kitchen, Carlos was there again with their mother, who was once more slaving over a platter of food. Carlos finished his beer and then glanced at Max and Spencer. Max tensed. “I’ve got to go,” Carlos announced, then left the kitchen. They could hear the front door close after him. Spence bit his lip. “Something wrong?” “Carlos has problems with having a brother who’s gay,” Max explained, shrugging. “I’m having problems with having a brother who’s an asshole. We both have to deal.” “Max,” his mother admonished. “Behave.” “Maybe I shouldn’t have come.” Spencer fidgeted near the entrance to the kitchen. “Nonsense, cariño. Carlos is just grumpy.” His mama went to Spencer and embraced him. “I want you here and this is my house.” Spencer smiled. “All right.” “Maxie, get him a beer. I wanted to talk to you, anyway,” she said, addressing Spencer. “About?” Max wondered the same thing as he fetched a bottle of beer, opened it, and handed it to Spence. She looped her arm with Spencer’s. “You have a boyfriend?” 21

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“Mama.” “I’m not talking to you.” She scowled at Max and then smiled at Spencer. “A pretty boy like you. Last time you said no. You have one now?” “Spencer isn’t interested in having a boyfriend,” Max said, deciding to help his friend out. He didn’t know where his mother was going with it, but Spencer squirmed. “Of course he is,” his mother insisted. “So you do not have one?” “Well, no,” Spencer said. Her smile widened. “I have the man for you.” “He doesn’t want a relationship, Mama, he likes to…wait, what?” “This lady at bingo at the church, very sweet lady. She says her grandson is gay.” She walked over to the platter of food she’d been fixing and picked up a taquito, which she handed to Spencer. “He picks her up from bingo and he’s simply gorgeous. Big and burly. I told him about you and showed him your picture.” Max stared at his mother. “You did what?” She waved her hand at Max. “I’m still not talking to you. Anyway, I showed him both of your pictures and he said you were cute enough but Spencer was more his type.” Spencer had turned a bright shade of red. “I, um, well.” “He owns his own business, too. If you’re interested, I’ll give him your phone number.” A muscle twitched in Max’s jaw. “Mama, Spencer is not interested. He doesn’t need you to play his matchmaker.” “Now wait just a second, Max,” Spencer said, frowning in his direction. “Who said I’m not interested?” “Yes, who said?” His mama turned her back on Max and 22

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beamed at Spencer. “So, you are interested in Henry?” “I thought you didn’t want a serious relationship, Spence. You like to hook up at the clubs.” Spencer shrugged. “A guy can change, Max. Maybe I’m looking for something more.” “I’ll give him your name,” Max’s mother said. “Help me bring this food outside, Maxie.” Max picked up the platter of taquitos and followed her outside.

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CHAPTER 3 The cast of The Sound of Music got a standing ovation for their opening night performance. As Spencer ran off stage, he wiped the sweat from his forehead. The cast always greeted the audience in the lobby after the show. He’d seen Max in the audience and he had not been alone. He had with him a reasonably good-looking dark haired man somewhere in his early forties, which seemed a bit old to Spencer. The guy had a good ten years on Max at least. Probably one of the guys he’d met from the dating site. Since Max’s uncle’s party, he’d been pestering Spencer about whether Spencer planned on going out with Henry. So far Spencer hadn’t, though Henry had called him a couple of nights ago. While it was true Spencer was giving some thought to giving up the club 24

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hookups, he didn’t know if he was ready to go on an actual date with a guy, like dinner or something where he’d have to pretend an interest in conversation. And how shallow did that sound? But the truth was, no guy would be Max. He knew he probably ought to agree to go out with Henry, it was just…he was an idiot. For a moment he’d thought maybe Max had been bothered or even jealous of the idea of him seeing Henry, but since Max hadn’t said anything close to that since the party, Spencer didn’t really know why Max was so interested. Spencer needed to get a grip and stop imagining Max would ever see him as anything but a friend. As soon as he reached the lobby, Max and his date approached him. Max smiled and hugged him. “You were terrific.” “Thanks. I’m so glad you came.” He smiled politely at Max’s guest. Max disentangled himself from Spencer. “This is Pete Morrow. Pete, this is my best friend, Spencer Lyons.” “Nice to meet you, Spencer,” Pete said, seizing Spencer’s hand. “Same here.” Spencer extracted his hand. “They’ve put wine out, I’ll get us some,” Max said. “Spence, you want some?” “No, that’s all right, thanks.” Just as Max walked away, an older woman stepped up to Spencer. “Mrs. Butler, did you enjoy the show?” “Yes, it was wonderful.” She held out her program and handed him a pen. “I’m having the cast sign their photos.” And as he put the pen to his photo, a hand cupped his left ass cheek. Blinking, he looked up from the program and the only one near him other than Mrs. Butler in front of him was Max’s date, 25

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Pete. Spencer finished his signature and took a step away from Pete just as Max came back holding two plastic cups of white wine. He handed one to Pete. “Excuse me, I see someone I need to speak to,” Spencer said, wanting to put even more distance between himself and the ass grabber. When it wasn’t obvious to Pete, Spencer intended to tell Max just what his date had been up to while Max has been getting wine. About ten minutes later, Max approached him again, this time alone. He rested a hand on Spencer’s arm. “Hey, we’re going to take off as soon as Pete comes back from the men’s room. You going out with the cast?” Max knew the cast often went out for coffee after the first night of performance. They’d done it the last three shows they’d put on in their community. But tonight Spencer really didn’t feel like it. He just wanted to go home. “No, think I’m going to go straight home,” Spencer said. “Not feeling very sociable.” Max frowned, watching him for a moment. “Are you okay?” “Yeah, I just…Max, that guy, Pete, he’s not a good guy.” “What? You just met him.” Spencer nodded. “I know and I should probably keep my mouth shut, but you’re my best friend and I can’t. When you were getting wine, Pete squeezed my ass.” “Are you sure?” “I know what an ass grope feels like, Max.” “Yes, but you’re sure it was Pete?” Max looked so uncertain, so vulnerable, really, Spencer wanted to say he wasn’t sure and let Pete off the hook. But would he be 26

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doing Max any favors by letting Pete get away with grabbing someone else’s ass while on a date with Max? Even a first date. If it was. He didn’t even know. Maybe Max had already had sex with this guy. “Spence?” “It was him, Max. I’m sorry. I wish I could say otherwise, but there was no one around me but him.” Max nodded. “It’s all right. I don’t want you to lie to me. I’ll call you later.” Spencer watched Max walk away, wishing he could have just kept his mouth shut. He wanted Max to find some great guy, but Pete just wasn’t the guy. With a heavy sigh, he went to the dressing room to wash off his stage makeup and take off his costume so he could head home. His answering machine was flashing when he got home, so he pressed the play button. “This is Mother. Call me when you get this.” Warm as an icy wind as usual. Spencer knew it was best not to ignore her when she called. So even though it was already nearing ten-thirty, he picked up the phone and punched in the number. “Hello, Spencer,” his mother’s cool voice said after the third ring. “Hello. Is it too late to call?” “No, your father and I are still up. It’s been a while since you’ve checked in with us, Spencer. Did you forget you have a family?” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “No. I…well, I’ve been busy.” “Too busy for your family? I’m rather surprised to hear that.” 27

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Leave it to his mother to make him feel like a guilty child all over again. Spencer remembered early on in his friendship with Max they’d discussed their families’ reactions to their being gay. “I told them when I was a sophomore in high school,” Max explained. “I’d started seeing another boy from school and didn’t want to hide it. So, I told my parents.” “What did they say?” Spencer wanted to know. Max sighed. “They didn’t react well. Mama cried and asked how could I do this to her. Pop called me names and walked out.” “Oh, my God, really?” “Yeah. But then, after a while, they came around. I can’t say my Pop has ever been completely comfortable with it, but he did apologize for calling me names and told me I would always be his son. My mother came to me and said she shouldn’t have reacted the way she had, she knew I wasn’t doing anything to her, and that she supported me.” “That’s good.” “And you know how she is now. She’s wonderful. What about your parents?” Spencer laughed. “They reacted the way they react to everything. ‘Okay,’ they said. They never have much of a reaction to anything.” Now, he said, “I did plan on calling soon.” “Oh?” “Well, I know the holidays are coming up. It’s October already, and I wondered what you and Dad planned on doing.” There was a long pause. Spencer waited, wondering what excuse they’d have this time for avoiding a family holiday. “We’ve been invited to Senator Rawlings house for 28

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Thanksgiving. I’m not sure we can secure you an invitation. I assumed you would make plans with your friends.” “No problem. I can manage to find something to do,” Spencer said. “Hmm. As for Christmas, your father and I are planning on going to Switzerland, so you can come with us. We’ll pay, of course.” “Well, I—” “You’ll need to be gone for a month though, as that’s how long we’re planning. You do have your passport in order?” “Yes. But a month? I’m not sure I can take off that long from work.” His mother sighed. “I’m sure you can get a position at another boutique, Spencer.” She’d said “boutique” like some people said “trailer park.” He was used to it. Spencer, like his siblings, had a trust fund left to him by his grandparents, plus their parents had made it clear their rather generous estate would be evenly divided amongst their children. But he kept his trust fund mostly untouched. He’d used some of it for college, and paid his bills with money he earned from working. He liked to be independent from his family, which was why he always turned down job offers from his older brother. “Maybe. How soon do you need to know?” He’d been to Switzerland as a boy when they’d gone there for Christmas and had really loved it. And it wasn’t as though he had a boyfriend to spend a cozy holiday season with. “Let me know by the second week of November.” “Okay.” She paused, and then said, “Have you called your brothers or sisters?” 29

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“No. Well, except for Frank about working for the hotel. But the rest of them, they haven’t called me either.” “Spencer.” “Mother.” “You are as stubborn as your father. I don’t know what to do about either of you.” He smiled a little. “We’re your cross to bear.” “Apparently. It’s late. I’ll let you go. I expect to hear from you and soon, Spencer.” “All right. Good night, Mother.” “Good night.” Spencer had just fixed himself a cup of orange spice tea when his doorbell rang. At eleven. “Spence, it’s me,” Max called through the door. “Max?” He unlocked and opened the front door to find Max standing there, smiling apologetically. “Can I come in?” “Of course.” He stepped aside to let Max inside. “Everything okay?” “I had it out with that Pete guy.” Spencer nodded and shut the door. “Didn’t go well I bet.” “He denied it and said you were lying to get rid of him.” He stared at Max. “What? Why would I do that?” Max seemed to be studying him, as though trying to make up his mind about something. “He said you wanted to get rid of him because you want me for yourself.” Max laughed rather nervously. Spencer’s heart stuttered. “I…what?” “Is it true?” Max whispered. “Max, Pete grabbed my ass. I would never lie to you about that.” Spencer walked away from that penetrating stare and went 30

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back into the kitchen for his tea. He knew without turning around Max had followed him. He never expected Max to ask him about his feelings. What the hell was he supposed to say? Nothing. “Spence.” He turned to face his friend. “What do you want me to say, Max? I told you I’m not lying about Pete.” “I believe you. I’ve always believed you.” “Then, I’m not sure what else you want from me.” “Is there some truth to what Pete said? Not about your ass but about you wanting me?” Max didn’t look happy about the idea of Spencer wanting him, either. And why would he? “Fuck, the guy met me for thirty damn seconds, how the hell would he know anything about me?” Max nodded. “Okay. I thought he was wrong. You would have said something before now. We’ve been friends for too long.” Spencer turned away and closed his eyes, his throat clogging. “Yeah, I…right.” He would just fall back on the lies. Pretend none of it was true and his feelings for Max didn’t go beyond friendship. “He seemed so certain, I guess I just wondered, you know.” “Uh-huh.” Spencer forced himself to face Max again, but his friend still stared hard at him as though he was trying to read his mind. He shifted. “Want some tea or something?” “No.” Max ran his fingers through his hair and tugged his bottom lip with his teeth. “I’m sorry I barged over like this. I should have just gone home. I don’t know what I was thinking.” “It’s no big deal, Max. You’re always welcome.” Max stepped closer. “Are you—” His heart slamming hard, Spencer stepped back, but he backed into the counter and could go no farther to get away from Max and 31

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his damn probing. “What?” “I have a feeling I’m missing something here,” Max said softly. “Like what?” “I don’t know. Pete seemed so positive you had deeper feelings for me.” “Who cares what he says?” He was starting to panic and he knew it. Why wouldn’t Max let it go? “Just drop it.” Max leaned down and pressed his lips to Spencer’s. At first Spencer forced himself not to react. He could fake this. Convince Max he didn’t want him. But as Max’s kiss deepened and his tongue slipped inside Spencer’s mouth, he was lost and couldn’t prevent a moan from escaping. Max broke the kiss and looked into Spencer’s eyes. “Nothing?” Spencer laughed. He knew it was a hysterical laugh, but he couldn’t prevent it. “I have wanted you. It’s true. For a long time.” “What? Why?” “Why? Because you’re hot and the best guy I’ve ever known and I’ve been in love with you since we met years ago in college.” Max stared, but didn’t say anything. Spencer felt his heart cracking and he wished he could take back the words. Max didn’t feel the same and he knew that. The very reason he’d never told Max anything. His stomach turned over, and he wished he could take back the words. Max looked completely bewildered and rather uneasy. Not a good sign. Swallowing, he forced more damning words out of his mouth. “When we first met, you had a boyfriend so I didn’t say anything. After you broke up, I waited for you to maybe show some interest in me, but you didn’t, and you just found someone else. Since it was obvious you didn’t want me, I kept quiet.” 32

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And still Max didn’t say a word. Just stared at him, his dark eyes unreadable. “You’ve got nothing to say?” he finally asked when he couldn’t stand Max’s silence. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t—” “Feel the same way?” At Max’s nod, Spencer fought to keep control. He knew it, had always known it, but finding out, for sure, without any denials from Max was brutal. Max wiped a hand over his face. “Spence, I love you so much. I can’t imagine not having you in my life. It’s unthinkable.” Spencer nodded. “But you just don’t want me. I know.” His friend shook his head. “It’s not what you think.” The hysterical laugh was back. “I get it. I’m not your type. I’ve seen the guys you’ve always gone out with. None of them are skinny blonds. I’m not blind. I just…I’ve dealt with it.” “Spence, you’re one of the sexiest guys I’ve ever known. It’s not that I don’t find you attractive. I do. More than you know.” “Sure.” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I know we’re never going to be a couple.” “That kiss…I felt everything in that kiss.” Spencer frowned. “ Then, I don’t understand. If you feel something—” “I know. You’re so important to me. I would do anything for you. God, Spence, I love you so much.”

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CHAPTER 4 Spencer was looking at him like he’d sprung a second head. He just kept shaking his head. Max couldn’t blame him, he was totally fucking this up. “You are beautiful and sexy and I can’t help but want you.” And he did. Had for so long. But they were too different. Wanted different things. If he got together with Spencer and things didn’t work out, he’d be devastated. “But romance and sex screw up everything. I can’t lose you. You’re my best friend. If we were to get together and it didn’t work out, I don’t know what the hell I would do. If you didn’t want to see me anymore I’d…I don’t know. I can’t take that risk.” “You can’t risk it?” “No, and don’t feed me the line that life is made up of risks. I 34

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don’t care if I lose a hundred boyfriends. None of that would matter compared to losing you.” Spencer hung his head. “I see.” “Do you?” “Yeah. You want to find your happily ever after with someone else.” “Spence, it’s not that easy. Ever since I’ve known you, you’ve gone from sex with one guy to the next. I’ve never been like that. I know there are plenty of guys like you. I’m probably the different one here, wanting the happily ever after with a guy who wants and loves only me. But I can’t change who I am and what I want. You could hurt me so much and I won’t take that risk.” Max’s heart squeezed at the devastated look on Spencer’s face. “I can change, Max. People do it all the time.” “Maybe, but do you even want to? Why should you have to? What’s wrong with us being friends, Spence? Why does it have to be anything else?” Spencer paled, then blinked. “I guess it doesn’t have to be anything else. I get it. You love me as a friend and it’s never going to be anything else. You know I’ve always known that. Nothing has really changed.” He sounded so sad and defeated Max wanted to slit his own throat. “I’m sorry.” Spencer blew out a breath. “Yeah, me, too. So, you can continue to go find your Mr. Right and hope he can give you what you want, whatever the hell that is. And I’ll…I’ll guess I’ll look for someone, too.” He was unprepared for the sharp pain in his heart at hearing Spencer talk about being with someone else. He’d become numb to Spencer’s hookups…or at least mostly so. But the idea of Spencer 35

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being in love with someone didn’t set well with him. And he knew it was wrong to feel that way given his own selfishness. Am I wrong? “I’m going out,” Spencer said suddenly. “What?” “I have to get out of here. I need time, Max.” “So, you’re going where? To a club?” Not that. Why always that? Max hated the damn clubs. Hated Spencer going there. He was a fool to believe he’d become numb to it. “Maybe.” “Jesus, Spence.” A muscle in his jaw jumped. “Why?” Spencer wrapped his arms around himself. “Why shouldn’t I? You don’t want me. And there…they do.” “All they want is to fuck you.” Spencer’s eyes sparked with green fire. “At least they want something. And why shouldn’t I? Huh, Max?” Spencer sounded angry, looked hurt. He didn’t miss the deep sorrow in his friend’s beautiful eyes. “Is there any reason I shouldn’t go to a club and let some guy fuck me?” Max couldn’t hold back the flinch. He opened his mouth to say something…anything. But nothing came out. “I thought so,” Spencer said softly. He went to his apartment door and opened it. “Since I’m going out, you probably ought to go home.” He bit his lip. “Spencer.” “It’ll be okay, Max. Just give me a few days.” And really, what choice did he have? Spencer was telling him to leave. His stomach was in knots and he didn’t know what to do to make it all better. Part of him thought maybe he was just a damn coward and he should take a chance. Would it really be a mistake 36

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to be with Spencer? Was hurting Spencer like this better? He couldn’t think. And so, like the coward he guessed he really was, he did nothing and walked out of Spencer’s apartment. *

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“Dr. Ramirez? Your next patient is here.” Max hit end call on his cell phone. He’d just gotten Spencer’s voice mail anyway. Again. He smiled at one of his assistants. “Okay, thanks, Becky.” He put away his cell phone in his desk and went to wash his hands so he could prepare to treat the little boy who had two cavities. He hadn’t talked to Spencer for days. Every time he called his friend he got nothing but Spencer’s voice mail. And Spencer never called back. There was an ache in Max’s heart that never seemed to go away and he knew he had only himself to blame. He was angry at himself for even bringing up how Spencer felt in the first place. They could have gone on like they always did if he’d kept his damn mouth shut. It would have been better not to know that Spencer wanted him the way he wanted Spencer. And he was angry at himself for being such a damn coward he’d fucked up everything with Spencer anyway. The few days Spencer had claimed to need just got longer and longer until Max could barely breathe from missing him. He couldn’t shake the feeling he’d lost Spencer anyway, and for what? Because he was fucking stupid. He did love Spencer. Was that why none of his relationships worked out? Was it because Spencer had been the one for him and he’d refused to act 37

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on it? Could or would Spencer really give up the hookups? Max couldn’t handle being eaten up by worry that his boyfriend was being unfaithful. He shook himself and went to take care of his patient. He needed to concentrate on work, not his too fucked up life. Later that night, when he got home, he tried calling Spencer again. This time he was startled when someone answered the phone. Only the voice wasn’t Spencer’s. “Hello.” “I…is Spencer there?” “Who is this?” “His friend, Max.” His chest ached. Did Spencer have a guy with him even now? “Who is this?” “Frank, Spencer’s brother.” Relief nearly brought him to his knees. Then he wondered if something was wrong, because Spencer did not hang out with his brother. “Is he okay?” “Yeah, he’s fine. He’s staying here with me right now and asked me to answer his phone.” “Staying with you?” “Yes,” Frank said, but refused to elaborate further. “He can’t come to the phone right now. Is there a message?” “Can you have him call me? I’d like to talk to him.” “All right. Bye.” Max frowned. Damn. Spencer staying with a member of his family was not a good sign at all. He turned on his computer and checked his email but there were no messages from Spencer. He had a half a dozen messages from guys from the dating site wanting to talk or meet. He checked them out, their profiles and 38

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pictures, but not a single one interested him. None of them were sandy blond haired, sweet, sexy Spencer. He canceled his account and went shopping for books for his ereader. He had an urge to seek out friends-to-lover stories. *

*

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A few days later, agonizing days where Max found himself more and more depressed, Spencer called him. His heart nearly stopped when he saw Spencer’s name appear on his cell. “Spence?” “Hi, Max.” He closed his eyes. “I…where have you been?” “Around. Visiting family mostly. I’m heading home now though.” “Can I come over? I need to talk to you.” “Sure, if you want to. I’ll be home around eight.” “See you soon.” By the time Max made it to Spencer’s apartment it was almost nine. He’d been delaying going over for fear Spencer would be as cold to him as he’d sounded on the phone. He couldn’t deal with it if Spencer hated him now. God, he was a mess. As he walked up the stairs to Spencer’s apartment door, his heart had already begun to pound hard. His palms were sweaty. He pounded on the door. “Spencer!” Max waited, intending to pound harder the second time, when the door opened. Spencer stood there, wearing a tank top and shorts. His hair looked tousled. 39

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Max’s heart stopped. Was someone here with Spencer? He couldn’t—wouldn’t—live with constantly wondering if Spencer had been with someone else. “Oh, God,” he whispered. “Max? What’s wrong?” “You’re alone, aren’t you? You don’t have some guy over?” A ball of dread formed in his stomach. This is what his stupidity had done to him. “Max, no, I’m alone. First of all, I knew you were coming over and, second of all, I don’t have guys over here.” Spencer sighed, shook his head. “Come in.” He let out a long breath and stepped inside. Sure enough he saw no sign of some strange lover in the apartment. “I…you wouldn’t return my calls and all I got was your voice mail. And then your brother answered your phone and you didn’t call me back right away.” “I know. I told you I wanted a few days.” “It’s been more than a few. Spence, please. Tell me I haven’t fucked this up.” Spencer smiled a little sadly and then hugged him tight. “You haven’t. I’m still your friend, Max. Your best friend. I’ll always be that. I’m completely devoted to you and that will never change.” Spencer’s voice broke. “I promise.” Max’s arms tightened around him and he closed his eyes, just enjoying the feel of Spencer in his arms. Spencer still here. With him. Where he belonged. “I love you,” he whispered against Spencer’s hair. “I love you, too.” Spencer tried to get out of Max’s arms and Max let him. He still had some thinking to do. He hadn’t yet heard what he wanted to hear from Spencer. That Spencer would want only him. 40

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He couldn’t risk it if Spencer wasn’t willing. “Spence, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Back when we first met, I really liked you. I thought you were really hot, which is why I talked to you in that first class. But I also had a boyfriend and I was trying to make things work.” He took a deep breath. “And then, well, you seemed like you weren’t interested in anything but having a good time.” Spencer nodded. “That was probably pretty true then. I was focused on just having a good time. I wasn’t totally mature then.” “I know. You were just so hot and fun and everyone wanted to be around you. Me included.” Spencer bit his lip. “What are you trying to say here?” “I love you, Spencer. I want you so much it’s killing me. I ache for wanting to be with you.” Spencer blinked. “But—” “But, I need to know something.” “What?” “If we were to try this, to be together, I’d have to know. No more clubs and hookups.” “I wouldn’t.” He wanted to believe it, but he still had doubts. “I’d have to have someone who was faithful, someone who only wants me.” Spencer shook his head and for a moment he thought Spencer was refusing. “Do you know why I’ve been going to Javier’s the last several years?” “No,” Max admitted. “Because I wanted to find someone who reminded me of you. I could pretend for a moment they were you touching me.” Spencer had turned a little pink. “It’s stupid I know. I’ve been with only 41

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Hispanic guys for years now. But they still weren’t you Max. I only want you.” Max pulled Spencer back into his arms and then framed Spencer’s face in his hands. “I know. I’m a fool and an idiot and a bastard and probably a million other things. I didn’t think taking our friendship to the next level was worth the risk of losing you. I was a coward.” “Max—” “But what am I really losing by not being with you? Maybe the best thing in the world. Real true love.” He smiled crookedly. “I’ve been reading books about friends becoming lovers.” “You have?” Spencer raised an eyebrow at him. “Uh-huh. I even listened to Friends and Lovers by Gloria Loring and Carl Anderson.” “Oh, God.” “I know. I was desperate.” Max stared into Spencer’s eyes. “Please, say you’ll give me another chance. Let me be your lover as well as your friend.” Spencer’s green eyes were bright as he stared up at Max. “Are you sure? You were so against it before.” Max nodded. “I deserve your doubt. Your scorn, too. I don’t know what I was thinking before. I just…I was led by fear and doubts. I was looking for someone special and he was here all along.” He leaned forward to kiss Spencer softly. “When you used to come over to tell me about yet another break up, I used to wonder why you couldn’t see me. Why you wouldn’t want me. You sat there on my couch telling me your desires and dreams and I wasn’t a part of them.” “I’m sorry.” Max kissed him again, deeper, trying to put all the overwhelming desire and feelings he felt into the kiss so Spencer 42

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would believe him. “I’ll beg if you want.” Spencer laughed. “Don’t tempt me.” Max decided the best way to convince Spencer would be to just show him. He pulled Spencer toward the bedroom. “Come with me.” Spencer’s eyes were sparkling as he allowed Max to draw him into the bedroom. When they stepped through the doorway, Max had a feeling Spencer was going to ask him if he was sure again, so he put his fingers to Spencer’s lips. “Shh, no words until we’re done.” “Is that some kind of rule?” Max smiled. “More like a request.” Spencer threw his arms around his neck then and offered his lips up to Max. “I’m not sure I can be quiet if your cock’s inside me.” He brushed his lips over Max’s. “Oh, fuck.” Max’s cock sprung to full attention, uncomfortably constrained in his slacks. “Okay, sounds and sex talk are allowed.” Spencer licked the pulse of Max’s throat. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Shaking with almost uncontrollable lust, Max crushed Spencer to him, his hands moving down Spencer’s back to close over his firm round cheeks. Soon he’d be spreading those cheeks and burying himself deep between them. Covering Spencer’s soft lips once more, Max slipped his tongue inside the moist warmth of Spencer’s mouth. A low moaning rumble came from Spencer’s chest as he pressed himself even closer to Max. He had to get them over to the bed so he could get them both naked, but kissing Spencer after all this time was an addiction he didn’t want to give up even for a short time. He inched Spencer 43

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forward in the direction of the bed, being careful not to break contact. Spencer stopped when the back of his knees touched the bed. His kisses seemed more and more desperate and Max could feel the hard bulge of Spencer’s arousal against his leg. God. Max inched his fingers under Spencer’s shirt, his palms splaying over smooth bare skin. What kind of an idiot waits this long to have this? To touch this man? Only him. He pushed the shirt up, under Spencer’s arms, his thumbs grazing over Spencer’s nipple rings. Nipple rings? Max broke the kiss, leaned back slightly to look at Spencer’s chest. Sure enough two silver rings teased him from Spencer’s nipples. Spencer smiled saucily. “When did you get these?” Max thumbed the rings, earning him a moan of appreciation. “A few months ago,” Spencer said, his eyelids half closing as Max continued to play with them. He tried not to think about the others who probably played with the rings before him. Spencer’s past was behind them and it wouldn’t do to dwell on it. Max had a past of his own, anyway. Max slipped the tank top over Spencer’s head. “Damn, Spence, you are so hot.” “Yeah? Then show me how hot you think I am.” He pushed Spencer until he hit the mattress. Reaching for the waistband of Spencer’s boxers, Max pulled them down his legs and off to the floor. Now Spencer was fully exposed to his gaze and Max nearly swallowed his tongue. The man was perfection. Slim, yet defined with abs of steal and pecs to be admired. A 44

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beautiful long, thick dick lay against Spencer’s leg. And the damn nipple rings. “I’m a goddamned idiot,” he muttered. He tore off his own shirt, discarding it, then went to work on the zipper of his slacks. And then he remembered something. “Spence, lube and condoms?” Spencer bit his lip and leaned up on his elbows. “Bathroom. Want me to get them?” “No, you stay here.” Max went to the side of the bed and leaned down to steal a kiss from Spencer. “Be right back.” On his way to the small bathroom, he rid himself of his slacks and boxer briefs. Opening the cabinet under the sink, he scooped up a bottle of lube and an entire box of condoms. Max figured he had a lot of time to make up for. When he returned to the bed, Spencer had his hand wrapped around his cock and was stroking the shaft slowly. A drop of precum had appeared on the tip. Max licked his lips. God, he wanted to taste it. Crawling onto the mattress, Max positioned himself between Spencer’s legs and spread his legs. “I have to have this.” Spencer smiled down at him. “I won’t stop you.” Max lapped up the pre-cum before closing his mouth over the spongy mushroom head of Spencer’s cock. Spencer’s hand still grasped his shaft and he used it to feed his cock deeper into Max’s mouth. He sucked it farther, loving the taste, bobbing up and down on the length. “Oh, God, Max, that’s so good.” Yeah, it was. He opened his throat, taking Spencer deeper still while he reached down to his own dick and began to jerk himself. He wanted Spencer’s cum to fill his mouth and, after that, Max 45

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would immerse himself in Spencer’s ass. And then, he’d do it all over again and again. Blindly reaching for the lube, he squirted some out and slipped a finger inside Spencer’s entrance. “Oh, oh, fuck.” Spencer gasped and rose slightly off the bed. Max hummed on the cock in his mouth, which set Spencer into a series of moans as his whole body shook. He slipped a second finger into Spencer and thrust them in and out, spreading the tight hole. “Max, Max, please, I’m going to—” Yes, do it. Come. Hot spunk hit the back of Max’s throat and he did his best to swallow it all while he continued to use his lubed fingers to loosen up Spencer. “Stop, stop, enough.” Spencer pushed at Max’s shoulders, trying to dislodge him. Max let Spencer’s spent cock slip out of his mouth. “Okay, okay.” He laughed. “You’re adorable.” “Kiss me.” Max lay across Spencer, chest to chest. “You want to taste yourself?” “I want everything,” Spencer said. “Give me everything. Kiss me.” With a groan, Max covered Spencer’s mouth with his own, devouring the plump swollen lips. This…all of this…was so right. Perfect. “I want to fuck you,” he said against Spencer’s lips. “Do it.” Needing no further urging, Max straightened away from Spencer long enough to grab a condom packet, rip it open and roll 46

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the condom onto his aching erection. His hands shook. He couldn’t remember ever wanting anyone as much as he wanted Spencer that moment. Was this what love was really like? His cock sheathed, Max lifted Spencer’s legs and wrapped them around his waist. He looked down at Spencer’s face and caught his breath. His heart seemed to grow. Max pushed into Spencer’s hole, past the ring of muscle, balls deep. And then he was moving, thrusting, pounding into Spencer’s perfect ass, feeling Spencer tighten around him. His eyes threatened to close, but he forced them open, wanting to keep looking at Spencer until he came. Spencer held his gaze and smiled the sweetest smile Max had ever seen. God, he loved this man. And then he was flying, all thinking gone as his brain shortcircuited. Every nerve in his body was in overdrive, as his cock pulsed and pounded in Spencer’s tight passage. “Max?” “Hmm?” He focused on Spencer, his balls drawing impossibly tight, his chest constricting. “I love you,” Spencer said softly. It was his undoing. His thrusts increased, hard and fast, sending him through an incredible orgasm that tingled up his spine and spread through every nerve ending. He cried out hoarsely, screaming Spencer’s name. Finally, when his cock could not pour out any more into the condom, Max pulled out and lay beside Spencer, drawing his body onto Max’s, holding him close and tight. Maybe too tight, but Spencer didn’t seem to mind. Spencer’s index finger caressed his cheek. “Hey, what’s this?” Max saw the wetness on Spencer’s finger, felt the moisture on 47

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his cheek. “I just can’t believe this. That it’s you and me.” “You don’t want it to be?” “I want it more than anything in the world,” Max admitted. “I love you so much it seems unreal. And I hate myself for not realizing all of this before, for not realizing that you loved me. We’ve wasted so much time.” Spencer leaned over him, smiling. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up. It’s just as much my fault as yours. I should have talked to you about my feelings a long time ago. And anyway, maybe now is when it was meant to be. Maybe we needed to come to this point for it to matter.” He cupped Spencer’s face. “Do you really believe that?” “I have to. And anyway, who cares now? We’re together now and nothing else matters.” He pulled Spencer down for a deep kiss. “I guess I saved the best for last, huh?”

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EPILOGUE November “Hi, Mother, it’s me,” Spencer said when his mother answered the phone. “Spencer, I was getting ready to call you. Have you decided about Switzerland for Christmas?” “Well, the thing is, I’ve got a new boyfriend.” “So? Bring him with you. We’ll have to meet him eventually if you’re serious about him.” She paused. “Are you?” “Yes.” “Very well, bring him with you.” “I don’t think he could take a month off from his practice, Mother.” 49

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“Practice?” “He’s a dentist.” “A dentist? Wait, Spencer, who is this new boyfriend?” Spencer smiled at Max, who lay in bed next to him, a large grin on his face. They’d just finished a shower together. Since getting together they’d spent every night together and as much free time as they could. Max was already talking about them getting a place together. “Max Ramirez.” Max grabbed his hand and kissed his fingers. “Your friend, Max?” “The very same.” “I see. Well, fine, then bring him.” “I think it’s more likely we’ll have a quiet Christmas together here, Mother. I love Switzerland, but I think I’m just going to have to miss it. You and Dad will have a great time, though.” “Of course we will.” There was another long pause. “I expect you to bring him to the house for dinner in January. If you’re still together.” He rolled his eyes. “We will be.” “I’ll call you before we leave. Goodbye.” And that was it. She’d hung up. “How’d it go?” Max asked, reaching over to massage Spencer’s shoulders. “About the same as always. We’re commanded to dinner in January.” “January?” Spencer nodded, chuckling. “Gives you plenty of time to prepare for it.” “I’m a big guy. I can handle them.” Max managed to maneuver him so that he was suddenly under Max. “Now, about 50

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Thanksgiving.” He drew Max’s head closer so he could kiss him. “I’ll just stay home alone.” “Oh, no,” Max said against his lips. “Mama wants us to come to her house.” “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Max.” “Why not?” “What about your brother, Carlos? He probably won’t come if we show up together holding hands and waving rainbow flags. I don’t want to keep him away from his family.” Max brushed his thumb across Spencer’s lips. “Honey, whatever you do, whatever we do, Carlos makes his own choices. We can’t worry about him. Mama wants us there.” “She also wants your brother there.” “That’s not on us, that’s on him.” Max kissed him deeply. “We’re going to be together for the rest of our lives, Spence. He’s going to need to get used to it.” He smiled. “The rest of our lives, huh?” “You have a problem with that?” “Nope. You’ve just changed your tune quite a bit.” Spencer studied Max. “I’m very sure I love you.” “So no doubts?” Spencer shook his head. “Not a one. You?” “I can’t imagine being with anyone else but you ever again. No doubts. So, how about Thanksgiving?” Spencer laughed. “God, you’re stubborn.” “Yep.” “Okay, we’ll go.” “Great. But we can leave the rainbow flags if it makes you feel better.” 51

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“Enough talk,” Spencer said, drawing their mouths together. “Time for sexing me up.” “Good, because I’ll never get enough of you.”

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SHAWN LANE

Shawn Lane believes love and passion know no boundaries. Shawn writes both erotic love stories involving men in historical or contemporary settings and interracial romances between men and women. Shawn is always looking for new stories and new characters to create while holding down life in California. *

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Don’t miss Sweet Reunion by Shawn Lane, available at AmberAllure.com!

Retired from the police force after a tragic shooting, Jason Sweet hasn’t been back to his hometown, Sutter’s Bay, for fifteen years. With his mother’s final days approaching, Jason returns to make peace with his mother and his past. Part of that past includes former best friend and lover, Danny Yarrow. Danny’s satisfied with his life as a drama teacher at the local high school, but the one thing missing is the love of a good man. He’s only too happy to be reunited with Jason. They’ve both grown and changed since their broken teenaged relationship. Jason hasn’t had an easy time of it since leaving Sutter’s Bay, but Danny intends to convince his friend and former lover that when it comes to taking chances, their love is worth it.

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