Angel Wings

ANGEL WINGS Copyright  2001 By Edna Curry ISBN 1-58495-290-3 Electronically published in arrangement with the author ALL RIGHTS RESERVED No portion of this book may be reprinted in whole or in part, by printing, faxing, E-mail, copying electronically or by any other means without permission of the publisher. For more information contact DiskUs Publishing http://www.diskuspublishing.com

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E-mail [email protected] DiskUs Publishing PO Box 43 Albany, IN 47320 * This is a work of fiction. All names in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to any person living or dead is coincidental. *

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Edna Curry

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Dedication

This one is for my grandchildren, Jamie, Jason, Crystal, Dustin and Alex. May a personal guardian angel always watch over you.

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Chapter 1 Laurie Johnson grabbed a silk blouse and a pair of slacks from her closet and slipped into them. She heard footsteps in the hallway outside her dressing room as she fastened the last button. She answered the knock on her door, startled only momentarily at the mirror image standing in the doorway. She had expected her sister, LaRae -- but hadn’t expected her to be wearing the same clothes. “LaRae! It’s so good to see you again!” LaRae returned her warm hug, then leaned back and looked at her. “It’s good to see you, too!” They burst out laughing as they realized they had chosen identical outfits: white silk blouses and black slacks. Laurie put her arm around LaRae and turned her to the long mirror on the wall. Identical tall, willowy figures looked back at them from oval faces. Their hazel eyes met in the glass. “Just like old times, eh, Sis?” LaRae nodded. “We look exactly alike. When did you let your hair grow out?” “Right after you sent those snapshots last year. I happened to show them to a client, and she decided that was just the look she wanted for her commercials.” “I love it. I’ll bet we could still fool anybody we wanted to! Remember the fun we used to have doing that?”

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Laurie grinned. “Amazing how we think alike, even when we’re thousands of miles apart.” She turned LaRae around and lifted her long blond hair to uncover the tag at the neck of her blouse. “Even the same brand! Telepathy is working.” “Telepathy, my foot,” LaRae objected. “I’ve been buying this California brand of clothes ever since you gave me a couple of pieces for Christmas two years ago. No mystery about that. Dayton’s carries it in their downtown Minneapolis store.” Laurie nodded. LaRae’s mention of Christmas brought up painful memories. Her own last few Christmases had been spent here in California, lonely, dreary ordeals. LaRae’s Christmases, of course, must have been ideal. Laurie imagined LaRae sitting on the floor beside a beautifully decorated tree on Christmas morning, opening presents with Jass and Susie. Jass would be sitting beside her, dressed in a red plaid robe, with Susie on his lap while he helped her open her gifts. LaRae was so lucky! Laurie pushed the mental images away and sat on the sofa, waving LaRae to the blue upholstered chair. “How are Jass and Susie?” “Susie is thrilled with kindergarten. Jass is boringly happy with his job, as usual. I swear that man loves his office more than me.” Laurie stared at LaRae, surprised at the bitterness in her sister’s voice. “You sound as though you’ve been fighting.” LaRae grimaced. “You could say that. He thought I should take Susie with me on this vacation. Can you imagine? A whiny five-year-old on a plane trip clear to California, when she has a perfectly competent nanny at home?” Laurie’s voice grew wistful. “I would’ve loved to have

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you bring her. She’s such a sweet thing, and I’ve only seen her three times since she was a baby....” “You sound just like Jass,” LaRae said with a frown. “But I managed to convince him that I needed a break from the Mommy routine. Come on, didn’t you say you’d made lunch reservations? Let’s get going.” “Sure.” Laurie rose and slipped on her jacket. “We can stop by my apartment to drop off your luggage. It’s only a few blocks from here.” “Okay. I can’t wait to hit the shops. I brought my credit cards, and I intend to max them all out, whether Jass likes it or not!” Laurie raised an eyebrow and smiled as they walked to the elevator. In that respect, she and LaRae were not alike. She was good at managing money while LaRae loved to spend it. “So, money is the problem?” LaRae nodded. “He thinks it should be saved. I like to spend it.” They dropped off LaRae’s luggage at Laurie’s apartment. As they headed back downstairs, LaRae eyed a tall young man who got off the elevator. “Hello, there,” she said, giving him a big smile. Laurie stared at her, openmouthed. The elevator door closed, and she admonished, “Honestly, LaRae, this is San Francisco, not rural Minnesota. You don’t flirt with strangers.” “No harm,” LaRae shrugged. “He was just a nice young man with cute buns. We’re in a ritzy apartment building, for cripe’s sakes, with a doorman and everything.” When they stepped out into the lobby, she gave the doorman a dazzling smile to emphasize her point. “Yeah, and look at the hitch-hikers right on the beach across the street.” Laurie waved an arm at the young people

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sprawled on the grass boulevard, backpacks strewn on the ground around them. Some bicycles nearby belied her assumption that they were all afoot. All of them seemed to be enjoying the early April sunshine. “You have to use caution in a big city.” LaRae laughed as they walked to the mid-size red Chevrolet she’d rented. “Honey, don’t be such a prude. Minneapolis is a big city, too, and I only live fifty miles out, so I do get there once in a while. You drive, Laurie, you know the way.” She tossed the keys to Laurie and got in the passenger seat. Starting the car, Laurie pulled out into traffic. She glanced at her sister, then frowned. “Hey, fasten your seat belt, LaRae!” “No way. I never wear a seat belt. It wrinkles my clothes.” “But it’s the law! And the traffic’s terrible! Every truck in the country must be delivering something here today.” When LaRae said nothing, Laurie sighed and changed the subject, not wanting to start an argument on the first day of their visit. LaRae went on, “I intend to have a little fun while I’m out from under my dear hubby’s thumb.” “Under his thumb?” “Honestly, he’d have me staying home with the kid all the time if I didn’t object,” LaRae said with a shudder. “I really won’t put up with this kind of life! Since we moved out to that house on the lake, it’s worse. I’m so far away from my friends at the club now.” Laurie concentrated on traffic. She didn’t want to hear this. LaRae had never mentioned marital troubles in her letters or on the phone. But then, they didn’t talk very often,

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since hearing about LaRae’s happiness only made Laurie feel lonelier. What did she mean by not putting up with that kind of life? She didn’t understand LaRae. How could she object to a beautiful new home away from the noise and pollution of the city? LaRae went on, “I’m filing for a divorce when I get back." “Oh no! Really?” “Yes, really. I’m through putting up with being the good wife and mother and I’ve had it with the guilt trips. I’ve hinted about getting my freedom before, and Jass said I’d be hurting Susie. But she’s so little, she’ll recover in no time anyway.” “But....” “No buts, Laurie. I’ve made up my mind.” Laurie sighed and changed the subject. “I thought we’d have lunch at the new restaurant at the Sheraton, so we won’t have to worry about parking. We can leave the car there while we shop.” “Wherever you like. Did you make a beauty salon appointment? My nails are a mess.” LaRae held up a hand to show that her red polish was chipped. Laurie nodded. “Two o’clock. Darcy’s Salon. It’s in the next block.” She parked in the hotel parking lot, and they walked up the cement steps side by side, like the best friends they had been in childhood. The hush of luxurious carpeting and soft music surrounded them as they walked through the elegant lobby to the restaurant. They followed the hostess up a few steps to a table overlooking the lobby, sat down and picked up oversized menus. Laurie studied hers a while. “What are you having?”

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“Just a salad. I’ve gained five pounds.” LaRae laid the menu down with a sigh. “You’ve no idea how having a child changes your life. I’ll bet you never have to worry about your weight!” Laurie’s lips twisted in a wry smile. “All the time. The camera adds pounds, you know. But you look the same as you always have.” Their salads arrived and they chatted non-stop as they devoured them. Over coffee, LaRae said, “It’s so good talking like this again! I’ve missed you, Sis! Now that Susie’s not a baby anymore, we’ve got to get together more often.” “I’ve missed you, too,” Laurie said, past the lump in her throat. But she made no promises. How could she admit that it wasn’t only work that had kept her from visiting these past years, it was also the pain of seeing LaRae happy with a family, while she was still looking for the man of her dreams? And now she’d learned that LaRae wasn’t happy. On the way to their salon appointment, LaRae said, “Let’s see if your stylist can tell us apart.” She sent Laurie a sly grin. She slipped off her diamond engagement and wedding rings and dropped them into her purse. “Remember how much fun it always was to fool people?” She gave Laurie a hug. When they walked into the exclusive salon, Laurie’s usual stylist, Darcy, greeted her. Then she saw LaRae and stared. “My God, you’re twins!” The sisters exchanged grins and Laurie said, “I told you she was my sister.” “But you never said you were identical twins! How do I know who is who?” Laurie laughed. “Who cares, Darcy? Just do both of

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our hair and nails alike, and the one that pays is me, Laurie. It’s my treat today.” Two hours later, they were happily shopping. By five o’clock, they were back in the hotel restaurant having a muchneeded cup of coffee and dinner. Laurie said, “I’m dead on my feet. Let’s quit for today, okay?” “But I haven’t even gotten anything for Susie! I’ve decided I want that white plush teddy bear we saw after all. Let’s go back and get it. That store’s open until nine.” “Tomorrow, LaRae, tomorrow. I’ve had it for today.” She slipped off a shoe and rubbed her sore foot. “I’ve got an early appointment in the morning. You can sleep in, then drive downtown. We’ll have lunch again, and you can make another attempt to max out your credit card, okay?” “Sure.” They climbed into the car to go back to Laurie’s apartment. “That was fun!” LaRae said with a yawn. She slid down in her seat and leaned back, rubbing the muscles along the back of her neck. “You’re right. We’ll finish shopping tomorrow. I’m tired, too. Let’s turn in early tonight, okay?” “Sound’s fine to me,” Laurie said, pulling out into traffic. “Tell me about Susie.” “What’s to tell? She’s growing like one of the weeds in Aunt Martha’s garden. Remember when we were kids and Aunt Martha always made us weed her flowerbeds when we stayed with her?” “I remember. She had the most beautiful flowers around. I especially loved the King Alfred daffodils in the spring. Oh, and remember her Peace roses?” “Whatever. You always liked the yellow flowers best,

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didn’t you? I never could tell one from the other. She’d yell at me for pulling up the wrong thing all the time. ‘Those are petunias, LaRae! Can’t you see that?’” she mimicked. Laurie laughed and glanced at her sister. “I think you only pretended you couldn’t tell the weeds from the flowers, so she’d let you get out of doing the weeding.” “Well, it worked, didn’t it? Hey, look out!” “Oh, my God!” A black van cut into her lane ahead of her. They were much too close. Laurie slammed on the brakes, but it was too late. There was nowhere to go except into it. The noise of glass shattering and metal grinding against metal blended with their screams as they hurtled forward. Their airbags exploded in front of them. A split second later, a semi-truck slammed into their car from the rear. Laurie couldn’t breathe. Tires screeched as the traffic came to a halt around the accident. Laurie heard car doors slamming and feet pounding on pavement as people jumped from their cars, running to help. “Are they alive?” “Anybody got a car phone? Call the police!” “Get an ambulance!” “Call 911! “I think it’s too late.” In the distance, Laurie heard sirens wail. Then she heard a roaring sound in her ears as everything went black.

Laurie was sailing along a dark tunnel, LaRae beside

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her. She tried to reach out to take LaRae’s hand. She couldn’t reach her, yet she felt no distress. Ahead she saw a beautiful garden, bright with sunshine. There were her parents! It didn’t seem strange at all to see them coming to meet her, smiles of welcome on their shining faces. Laughing and calling to them, she and LaRae hurried forward into their waiting arms. Others who’d gone ahead were there, too: her friend Jodi who’d died in a plane crash two years ago and Ginny, the cousin they’d lost to pneumonia at twelve. Joyfully they all hugged each other. A wonderful warm feeling of love surrounded her. Oh! There was Emy, her friend who’d been murdered on a nearby farm when Laurie was five. Now Emy looked healthy and beautiful. She was talking earnestly to LaRae. That was odd. Laurie didn’t remember that LaRae and Emy were especially good friends. LaRae was shaking her head and Emy was frowning. Laurie watched LaRae turn her back and drift off toward their parents. Laurie glided over to talk to Emy, determined to learn the truth of what had happened to her so long ago. Emy seemed to know immediately what Laurie wanted to ask, and didn’t seem at all disturbed to explain the awful circumstances of her death. “It was Harvey who came to my bedroom that night. He said not to be afraid, we were just going to play a game, then he’d bring me back.” She shrugged. “I knew him, after all. I didn’t think he’d hurt me. So I let him carry me outside. He took me to the woods and raped me. I cried and he kept saying, ‘Shut up, somebody will hear you!’ I kept on crying and then he got mad and choked me ‘til I blacked out. That’s all I remember.”

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Laurie nodded. They seemed to be supported by soft, wooly clouds without actually standing on them. Sweet, lilting music swelled around them, its pleasant strains in sharp contrast to the ugliness of the story Emy had told her. “I thought so,” Laurie said. “But no one would ever explain what happened, just that you were dead. I heard lots of whispering, but no one would talk to me about it. I was only a little girl, and not supposed to know about those things.” Emy nodded. “So, now my job is to try to prevent that from happening to others like me. We all have a purpose here, you see. I’m sure you’ll learn yours later.” “You mean, you’re an angel?” Emy shrugged. “I haven’t earned my angel wings, yet. I’m a helper, for now. You will be, too, now that you no longer live on earth.” “And your job is, that is . . . You’re to prevent men like Harvey from raping children?” Emy nodded eagerly. “Yes. To try, anyway. Especially little girls. Like LaRae’s Susie.” A chill slid over Laurie in spite of the warm glow of light that surrounded them. LaRae and Jass’s beautiful daughter! Her own little niece! “Susie’s in danger?” “Not immediately. But there is an aura of danger around her, and now there’s no one to protect her who understands that kind of danger. I was trying to convince LaRae to return. But I can only suggest and try to persuade. She won’t go back.” “Why not?” Emy shook her head. “I’m afraid LaRae didn’t especially like being a mother.” “But she must go back if Susie needs her!” “LaRae says Jass has a good job and can hire plenty of

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people to care for her.” “But those people don’t love Susie. They won’t be careful enough. Maybe I or my parents can make LaRae do it.” Emy shook her head sadly. “No. LaRae must want to go back. You see, love must be very strong to help her get back. It’s not easy to cross over.” Laurie’s voice grew desperate. “But Susie will be hurt, maybe killed like you were, Emy! Jass . . . Jass is still back there. He loves her, I know he does. We just have to make him understand the danger. He’ll protect his daughter.” Emy shook her head. “He’s at work most of the time.” “There must be something we can do, some way we can warn Jass.” “We?” Emy looked at her speculatively. “No. We can’t talk to him or interfere. If LaRae won’t go back immediately, there’s nothing I can do. It’ll be too late. Unless . . ..” “What? What? Tell me, Emy.” “Well . . ..” “Tell me. I’ll do it. I’ll do anything . . ..” “You could do it for LaRae.” “But, how?” “Take her place.” “You mean, go back as LaRae?” She swallowed. “Live in Minnesota as Susie’s mother? As Jass’s wife? Have a real family of my own? That would be a dream come true.” She laughed nervously, staring at Emy. “Of course, that’s impossible. Isn’t it?” Emy stared back at her for a long minute. “You can’t change into LaRae. If you want to try saving Susie, you’d have to remain Laurie and figure out some way to do it on your own. Maybe you could make Jass fall in love with you.” It seemed strange to be discussing grown-up things like

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falling in love with a five-year-old girl. But Emy seemed to have a mind equal to her own. Laurie said, “That might take too long! He’ll be grieving for LaRae and won’t want to date anyone for a long time. Besides, I live so far away. What could I do in Minnesota to get close to him? How could I make him notice me?” “That will be a problem. I can’t tell you how to work it out.” “We used to play a game, LaRae and I. We’d pretend to be each other, just for the fun of fooling people. Do you think it would work now?” “I don’t know. You’ll just have to do your best. Do you want to try?” Laurie looked at Emy, then around her. It was so beautiful and peaceful here with LaRae and her parents. The sweet fragrance of roses filled her nostrils. She could hear LaRae and her mother’s beloved voices and wanted so much to drift over to join them. Yet Laurie felt a strong urge to go to Jass and Susie. It’s my fault LaRae is dead, she thought. I was driving and had the accident. I have to go back and protect Susie. Her gaze swept back to Emy. “Yes, I want to do it.” Emy smiled, evidently pleased at her decision. “But there are rules,“ she cautioned. “Rules?” “I can’t come with you to help. You have to do it on your own. I can’t give you any help, like LaRae’s memories. You’ll still be Laurie, just pretending to be LaRae.” Laurie stared at her in panic. This was so important a step, what if she was making the wrong decision? “But, how will I know how to protect Susie? What and who do I watch out for?”

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Emy shook her head. “I can’t tell you that. Your love will have to be strong enough. It will sharpen your instincts. Love, and your memory of what happened to me, to us as children. It’s already had a strong influence on your life, hasn’t it?” Laurie looked at her friend, and knew that was true. “Yes. Yes, Emy, it has.” “Go then. Walk back into the dark tunnel. Good-bye, Laurie. I’ll be watching.”

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Chapter 2 Laurie awoke. The brightness of lights hurt her eyes, making her squint against them. Pain knifed through her as she sucked in a breath. The room whirled around her. The sharp smell of antiseptic told her she was in a hospital. She moved her left hand and discovered that she was on a padded table of some kind. A tube trailed down the back of her hand. What had happened? What was she doing here? “She’s coming ‘round, doctor.” “Good.” Someone moved into her line of vision. She could see only a narrow strip of tanned face. Bright blue eyes regarded her from between green cotton cap and mask. “How do you feel?” Fear made her angry. “I hurt everywhere!” Her voice came out in a croak. She coughed and tasted blood. The doctor eyed her from behind his mask. “Better than not hurting.” "Where am I?” “You’re in the emergency room at San Francisco General hospital,” the doctor said. “What happened?” “A car accident. You’ve got a fractured right arm and a couple of cracked ribs, besides a deep gash in your cheek."

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Her hand reached to the awful pain in her cheek. “Oh, no, not my face! It’ll show for pictures....” ”Don’t." A nurse pulled her hand away. "It’s an open wound. We don’t want it contaminated.” “Of course." "A surgeon is on duty. I’m going to send you up to surgery and let the expert take care of your face, okay?” Surgery? The room whirled again as she tried to speak. “My purse....” ”Don’t worry about it. It’s in safekeeping along with your jewelry. They were looking for some ID and found your insurance card in it. I’ve set and cast your arm. Now the nurse will give you another shot, then up you go to surgery.” Laurie tried to look around the emergency room, but white curtains and the doctor and nurse cut off her view. “Where’s my sister? Was she hurt, too?” “We’ll talk about her later. She’s here in the hospital -in another room.” “This will put you out.” Before she could object, the nurse poked a needle in the IV in the back of her hand and everything went black once more. When Laurie woke again, it was dark. She felt nauseous, and hurt everywhere. Her mouth felt as if it were full of cotton. She moved her tongue over her parched lips experimentally and tried to swallow. Turning her head to her left, she could see lights through the partly opened door. A nurse moved to her side and took her blood pressure, then pushed the gurney she was lying on. “You’re doing fine, LaRae. Your surgery’s over and you’re in the recovery room. We’re moving you up to your own room now.” Half-conscious, she was aware of moving down a long

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hallway and into an elevator. Elevator doors closed, and they moved upward, then opened again. They went down another hallway and through a door. Suddenly she had the giddy feeling of being lifted. She came down onto a soft bed. Gentle hands tucked a sweetsmelling, heated blanket around her. It felt so good to be under that warm blanket--comforting, like she was surrounded by love. A wonderfully familiar sensation. Her eyelids felt very heavy, and it was too much work to lift them. Again she awoke. She saw metal rails along both sides of her bed and gripped one to try to sit up. The cast on her right arm bumped into the railing and sent a shaft of pain up to her shoulder. She stared the cast. Her chest hurt with each breath. Even when she held her breath her ribs felt like they were poking like knives through her skin. Feeling trapped by the rail and the pain, she cried out in protest. A young nurse bustled in, plump cheeks rounding as she smiled at her. “Ah, you’re awake, now. I’m Mary.” Laurie felt the cuff tighten around her arm as the nurse took her blood pressure, then cool fingers took her pulse. “Could I have a drink?” Laurie asked, her voice still a frog. “Only ice for now.” Her cheek throbbed. She put up a hand and fingered the bandage on the side of her face. “Surgery to repair the gash on your face,” the doctor had said. “Can I get up to go to the bathroom?” Mary regarded her with wide brown eyes. “You’re not feeling too nauseous?” Laurie shook her head, which made her dizzy and not at all sure.

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Mary dropped the metal rail, and Laurie slowly swung her bare feet over the side of the bed, fighting the wave of pain that sped through her chest at the movement. All she was wearing was one of those stupid, back-less hospital gowns. She could feel the cool air flow over her body where it was open. Feeling woozy, she took the nurse’s offered arm and walked carefully to the bathroom, the nurse guiding the I.V. along. She stared in the mirror, appalled at the disheveled young woman with hazel eyes staring back at her. What a mess she was! Not exactly ready for the camera today. Her left cheek was bandaged, and her long blond hair looked tangled and dirty. With a painful sigh, Laurie shuffled slowly into the other room and sat on the side of her bed. LaRae. Was she hurt, too? She looked at Mary. “How’s my sister?” Mary paused a moment, then said gently, “I’m so sorry. She didn’t make it. She was thrown out of the car and had severe head injuries. The doctors did all they could, but they couldn’t save her.” Shock numbed Laurie as she stared at Mary. LaRae was dead? It couldn’t be true. She remembered LaRae’s refusal to put on her seat belt. If only she’d been wearing it, she might have survived, too! Laurie felt sick. She looked away as tears streamed down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry. You were twins, weren’t you?” Mary said kindly. Laurie nodded, then winced as the movement made her face hurt. She got into bed and Mary tucked her in. LaRae was dead. The thought whirled through her, vibrating again within her with each painful breath. She

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swallowed and stared at the bright sunlight outside her window. Suddenly she resented its cheerfulness. Why should the sun be out making everything look normal when her sister had died? Mary busied herself around the room, talking to and tending the older woman in the next bed. Mary glanced occasionally at Laurie, as if she weren't willing to leave her alone just yet. Laurie closed her eyes against the awful images of the accident her mind kept replaying. But the memories refused to stop. Grief for LaRae washed over her, tearing her up inside and bringing endless unanswered questions to the forefront of her mind. What about the man in the van? And the driver of the semi? She vaguely remembered seeing a flashing picture of him in her rear-view mirror--just a blue baseball cap above a wide-eyed expression of horror on a florid face in the truck cab high above and behind her. “Was anyone else hurt in the accident?” “Not seriously,” Mary said. “The rest of the people have been treated and released. They only had cuts and bruises, I heard.” “That’s good.” She coughed again, wincing at the pain that effort caused. “My chest hurts.” The nurse smiled ruefully. “Cracked ribs always hurt. So do broken bones and cuts. No mystery about that. I’m sure the doctor left an order for medication. I’ll get you some.” She disappeared and returned carrying a little paper cup with two small pills. “Here, take these.” She handed her the pills and a cup with a small amount of water. “You can have a sip to wash these down.” Laurie downed the pills, then slid her feet back under

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the covers. Mary tucked her in and placed the call button under her hand. “Try to rest now. Just ring if you want me. I’ll be back later.” Laurie nodded. She closed her eyes against the painful memories. Tears slipped down her cheeks until at last, exhausted, she fell asleep. Sometime later the young nurse returned. She roused Laurie long enough to take her vital signs. Only the night-light dispelled the dark shadows in her room. Mary spoke in hushed tones, apparently not wanting to awaken Laurie’s roommate. “Can I have a drink?” Laurie sat up and the nurse handed her a glass of water with a straw. Laurie’s lips felt thick and refused to move properly as she sipped it. Mary handed her a tissue to catch the dribbles. “Your cheek’s swollen and your face will be sore for a while. But I’m sure you’ll heal up fine.” Laurie eased down under the covers and shook her head when Mary started to raise the rail. “Sorry, hospital policy,” Mary said firmly and snapped the rail into place. Laurie's grimaced in response, but Mary only grinned. “Sleep tight, Mrs. Markham. By the way, they finally reached your husband. He said he’ll be on the first plane out from Minneapolis.” With that Mary bustled out, her white nurse’s shoes making no noise as she walked down the hospital corridor. Laurie could only stare after Mary in shock. She’d called her ‘Mrs. Markham.” She’d said Jass was flying out from Minneapolis! Good Lord. Jass thought she was dead, and LaRae was alive. How had that happened? And how was she going to tell

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him the truth? Laurie lay awake, grieving for her sister and endlessly reliving those awful seconds before the crash. LaRae’s desperate cry of, “Look out!” echoed in her head and she thought she’d hear that awful crunch of metal and their screams forever. If only she hadn’t looked away just then, she might have seen that black van in time to stop. If only the truck driver hadn’t been following her so closely. No, she should have noticed that he was doing that, and changed lanes so that she wasn’t in his way if he was impatient. Why hadn’t she? She should have insisted that LaRae put her seat belt on. How ironic that if she hadn’t agreed that it was safer for her to drive than LaRae, LaRae would still be alive and she, Laurie, would be dead! It’s my fault that my sister is dead, she thought, her stomach tied in sick knots. My fault that poor little Susie will grow up without a mother. Instead, she’ll have a succession of nannies. They might care about her, but they’ll never replace her mother. Why couldn’t it have been me who died? Who would have missed me? I have no one who needs me! Why am I alive, and a young mother dead? LaRae had everything to live for, and I have nothing--nothing but looking good for a stupid camera so someone will buy some dumb product that they wouldn’t buy otherwise! Her pillow grew wet with tears. Emy’s voice in her head said clearly, “Remember that LaRae could have returned, Laurie. She made the choice not to. Don’t blame yourself.” A beautiful garden scene appeared, filling her mind with a feeling of peace. What a lovely dream, Laurie thought, feeling more relaxed. If only it were true.

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She should be thinking of practical things, she scolded herself. She must be strong, for Jass and Susie’s sakes. Jass would take care of the funeral arrangements. They had few relatives, their parents had been dead for years, and there was only old Aunt Martha, except for assorted cousins scattered around the country. Someone would have to call them, she supposed. She’d worry about it later. After she told Jass. It seemed to Laurie that she’d just gotten back to sleep when a nurse again came to take her vitals, this one a grayhaired woman named Anna, skinny and dour. Why did hospitals wake the patients at such ungodly hours, she wondered when she saw that her watch read five-forty. Anna was thorough and efficient and seemed to be best friends with Laurie’s roommate. Anna too, called Laurie “Mrs. Markham” but Laurie didn’t attempt to correct her. This was too big a mistake for Laurie to trust anyone else to set straight. She shuddered at the problems that might develop otherwise. If she told them she was Laurie Johnson, she could imagine Jass coming to the front desk and being told that there was no LaRae Markham registered as a patient there. What a shock that would be! No, she had to tell him herself. Only, how on earth was she going to tell him? How soon would he be here? She couldn’t remember what the plane schedules were. Was there a night flight from Minneapolis to San Francisco? She and LaRae had taken morning flights, but it was a major route. There might be lots of choices. She watched the door in panic every time she heard footsteps. When she went to the bathroom, she stared at herself in the mirror. Her hair, which had looked so stylish the day before, hung around her face in disarray and her cheek was

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still swollen and bandaged. The rest of her face was a mass of bruises, now turning purple. Fat chance anyone would want her to pose for the camera today. Then she remembered that she was supposed to be dead. The newspapers had probably reported the accident and her death. Her friends would have heard that, too. The other models would be talking about it on breaks, saying what a shame someone so young had died. Ha! In the next breath, they’d probably start speculating on which of them would get her plum assignments. Yikes! She’d lose her job! Geri, her super efficient boss at the modeling agency, would fill all her assignments and she’d be out of luck by the time her face healed up again. She’d be back to starting at the bottom! She should call someone, and set them straight. Who? She’d broken up with her boyfriend, Wesley, and the other models were only casual friends, people to attend parties and business functions with. Geri would have already given her assignments to someone else when she hadn’t arrived at work this morning, so there was no hurry. She’d call Geri after she told Jass. When it came right down to it, she realized that there was no one who would care very much whether she was alive or dead. What a tribute to life in the fast lane! “Time for your medication, Mrs. Markham.” Laurie sighed, turned away from the bathroom mirror and went back to bed. She took the pills Anna handed her and leaned back to close her eyes. Tears again ran down her cheeks. She didn’t even bother to wipe them away. Since her swollen face was still too sore to chew, they gave her a chocolate milk-shake for breakfast. All through her bath and breakfast, she debated how to

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tell Jass that it was LaRae who had died in the accident. How would he take it? He would grieve for LaRae of course. She knew he’d loved her. They had that loss in common now. Would he be kind to her and sympathize, realizing that she was grieving, too? She wanted so much to have the right to share this pain with Jass, to comfort him. They hardly knew each other. She remembered the first time LaRae had brought him home and introduced him to their family as her future husband. Laurie had been attracted to him the moment he entered their parents’ living room. But that was as far as it went, since he belonged to LaRae. Jass had had eyes only for LaRae and had barely noticed Laurie. But she’d envied LaRae her good fortune in finding him and wondered when she would find her own “Mr. Right.” Their parents had taught the identical twin sisters to live their own lives. They'd placed them in separate schools and later in separate colleges, believing it would be better if they didn’t depend on each other. Thus, each had had her own friends and had developed their own interests. Each had gone her separate way without the other. Weekends were another story. They had reveled in doing the opposite of what their parents wanted. They'd purposely set out to confuse people by dressing alike and even pretended to be each other, much to the chagrin of their dates. That had all changed when LaRae brought Jass Markham home in their senior year of college. LaRae had become possessive, and game time had been over. Laurie smiled ruefully, remembering. Childhood had abruptly ended then, too. Now, lying in her hospital bed, facing the worst dilemma

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of her life, she realized that she really knew little about her sister’s husband. Was Jass a kind man? Would he take her in his arms and sympathize with her over the loss of her sister? Jass stood at the window of the Minneapolis airport, watching small tractors pull loads of luggage over to gray and red jets. Early morning sunshine glittered off the fuselage, forcing him to squint against the brightness. He stood with arms crossed, feet slightly apart, in a relaxed stance that belied the tension he felt. He already had a splitting headache from it. It had started with the phone call last night, when a gravelly-voiced San Francisco police officer told him LaRae had been in a car accident, was in the hospital, injured, and her sister, Laurie, was dead. Could he come? He had dropped everything and booked a seat on the first flight. He still felt numb with shock. LaRae had been driving, and he knew she liked to drive fast. Had she been drinking as well? He'd asked, but the officer had said only that they were waiting for test results. He hoped those were negative, so LaRae wouldn't have to deal with legal charges and guilt on top of grief. He ached for Laurie and knew his wife would sadly miss her twin. So young, with a good career as a model. He remembered Laurie as a fun-loving duplicate of LaRae. She’d been LaRae’s maid of honor, and he’d liked Laurie, though they hadn’t seen much of her since their wedding. Everything had been so hectic that day, that he didn’t remember much about her except those wide hazel eyes watching him shyly. His heart contracted. She was much too young to die. There was almost no one left in LaRae’s family, only Aunt Martha, almost eighty, and some cousins. That left it up to him and LaRae to take care of Laurie’s funeral

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arrangements. He heard his flight number called, turned and boarded. He stowed his carry-on and settled into his window seat, wincing as the sharp clapping sounds of other passengers closing the overhead luggage compartments aggravated his headache. Closing his eyes, he leaned back and remembered the fight with LaRae the morning before she’d left. They’d been at the breakfast table. He had stared down at his bacon and eggs and had suddenly lost his appetite. The argument had been his own fault; at least he’d started it, with his jealous comment over how many times his wife had danced with her stockbroker at the party the night before. LaRae loved to dance, and he didn’t, mainly because he wasn’t very good at it. Computers and numbers were his forte, not social gatherings. “Can I help it if Louis likes me?” she asked. Her sly grin and disdainful shrug angered him. She pushed back her long hair with a manicured hand, her bright red nail polish contrasting with her blond hair. She acted as if she didn’t care what he thought, but he was sure she did. Hadn't she been flirting with that silver-haired Romeo to make him jealous? “Louis likes your money, you mean,” he shot back, unable to stop himself. “How much did you pay him in commissions last year anyway?” “How do I know? Figuring out that stuff is his job.” “You ought to be paying attention to what he’s doing, LaRae. He could be cheating you, and you’d never know it.” She made a face. “Louis wouldn’t do that, Love.” Agnes, their chubby, gray-haired housekeeper interrupted, on purpose he felt sure. Jass knew she hated

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seeing them quarrel. “More coffee, Mr. Markham? Here’s the morning mail.” “Thanks, Agnes.” He swallowed his anger along with his coffee and turned to his letters, vowing to say no more. Then he opened the letter from their bank saying their household account was overdrawn and his temper flared anew. “Overdrawn? Honestly, LaRae, how can you have spent that much already this month?” She looked up at him, an innocent expression on her perfectly shaped, oval face. “I’m overdrawn again? I don’t know. I only bought a couple of new swimsuits and some other stuff for my trip to California.” “You have a whole closet full of new clothes!” “Jass! You wouldn’t want me to look frumpy to my twin sister, would you? After all, Laurie’s a model, and I’m just a housewife. I didn’t have anything suitable for San Francisco.” Jass sighed at her reference to her upcoming trip. He didn’t want her to go, yet didn't want to stop her. Laurie had invited her sister to come out to celebrate their twenty-eighth birthday. After all, it had been years since the twins had spent time together, so he could hardly refuse. What kind of husband would he be to deny his wife that? “Besides,” LaRae insisted, “my checkbook doesn’t say I’m out of money. Maybe the bank made a mistake.” His laugh came out a short, mirthless bark. “I doubt it. Give me your checkbook and I’ll balance it tonight.” He pushed back his chair and rose. “I’ve got to go or I’ll be late for work.” “But I need my checkbook. I don’t have much cash, and I’ve got a luncheon date at the club today. Then I’m supposed to go swimming with Cathy this afternoon.” “LaRae, don’t you understand? You can’t write more

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checks. There’s no money left in that account. Use one of your credit cards until I make another deposit.” LaRae pouted, but agreed. She stood and gave him a quick kiss good-bye, her long blond hair swinging with the movement. He kissed her back, breathing in the familiar floral scent of her French perfume. God, she was gorgeous. She could still turn him on, in spite of the problems they’d been having lately. Susie, at five, adored her mother, even though LaRae paid her little attention. He just wanted a peaceful, happy home life. But how much longer could he put up with LaRae's flirtations to keep his daughter happy? A five-year-old needed her mother, didn't she? Would he lose Susie if he and LaRae divorced? Had he been too hard on LaRae? She really didn’t seem to understand finances, even though she’d inherited a sizable chunk of money from her father. Jass had promised not to interfere in the way she allowed her late father’s attractive stockbroker to manage it. He assumed Louis must be reliable if LaRae’s father, Sam Johnson, had trusted him all those years. After all, Sam had had a reputation as a good businessman. Too bad LaRae hadn’t inherited Sam’s knack of managing money, but she didn’t seem to care. Now Jass remembered that he’d felt guilty that morning at the thought that LaRae’s absence would seem like a vacation for him, too. A vacation from the constant tension of quarrels. A stewardess passed him, and Jass opened his eyes and requested some aspirin and a glass of water. Now everything had changed. LaRae would still be gone a while, only she’d be spending that time in the hospital instead of enjoying the California sunshine with Laurie.

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The stewardess brought his aspirin. Gratefully, he downed the tablets, then settled back again with a sigh. On his way to the airport, he’d stopped to tell Aunt Martha the sad news. She’d been very upset, and he worried about the dear old lady. He was pleased when Agnes had offered to go over immediately so the eighty-year-old wouldn’t be alone in her grief. Jass' thoughts drifted. He remembered the night of his wedding rehearsal. He’d come straight from work to the church with Ken, his cousin and best man. Jass had seen LaRae talking to one of the bridesmaids. Coming up behind her, he’d caught her around the waist and turned her into his arms for a welcoming kiss. For a moment, she’d responded, then she’d gone rigid in his arms and pushed him away. He’d leaned back to look at her shocked face. “Hello, Honey. LaRae, what’s the matter?” “Jass! I’m Laurie. LaRae’s over there.” Talk about an embarrassed bridegroom. He’d dropped his arms, and backed away. Staring from one twin to the other, he stammered an apology. Luckily, they weren’t dressed alike, so, for the rest of the evening, he’d been able to tell them apart by their clothes. But that incident had definitely put a damper on any gathering the women both attended from that day on. Whenever he knew the twins would be together, he took careful note of what LaRae wore, although he’d never paid much attention to her clothes before. LaRae had begun to stay near him at those times, as though nervous and afraid of losing him. He was ashamed to remember that he’d been relieved when Laurie moved to California. LaRae had definitely relaxed after that.

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Jass’s headache eased and he stared out at the clouds as they flew over them. They resembled Minnesota’s snow, pushed back into fluffy white piles by the snowplow after a winter storm. He fell asleep, not waking until the captain announced that they were approaching the San Francisco airport. From the airport, Jass took a taxi to the hospital and followed directions to the correct floor. Laurie was sucking up the last of the chocolate malt through the straw when Jass walked in. She looked up and stared at him, her mouth suddenly dry in spite of the cold drink. She set aside her glass. The moment was here. She felt tongue-tied and nervous, not knowing how to begin. He looked the same, tall, handsome, and rugged. He wore a beige sweater and brown slacks and looked every inch as desirable as she remembered. She swallowed, and her heart felt squeezed by the pain she was about to inflict on him. “Hello, LaRae.” His brown eyes met hers. There was concern and relief on his face as he looked her over, but no smile. His curly dark hair looked tousled, as though he’d been running nervous fingers through it. Her throat closed on the huge lump that formed there, and she could only reach out her free arm to him. Why was his face so cold and grim? Wasn’t he glad to see her alive? He thought she was his wife, after all. God, I hate to tell him that I’m not! He walked to the right side of her bed, squeezed her hand, avoiding the tube sticking out of it, then gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. The metal hospital chair scraped on the tile floor as he pulled it closer and sat down, looking at

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her. “Hello, Jass.” She tried to smile, winced and put up a hand to her face. “Hurts, eh? You’re lucky that’s all you got, a few broken bones, and stitches.” The scolding tone of his voice shocked her into silence. She stared into his brown eyes. Her shock must have shown on her face, because he flushed, evidently realizing how that had sounded. He sighed and ran long fingers through his curly hair as though exasperated. “I’m sorry, LaRae. I'm glad you're going to be okay. The doctor said you probably won't even have much of a scar." She nodded. "Will you explain how this happened? I know you loved your sister, and now you’re grieving and in pain. But, why in hell were you driving on the San Francisco freeway in a rented car anyway? Unfamiliar car, unfamiliar road. It was bound to mean trouble. You should have let Laurie drive!” “That isn’t fair! The van cut in on me. Accidents happen.” He frowned, and went on, “I’ll bet you were speeding as usual, too!” Staring at him, she could only shake her head. “No? Well, thank goodness for that, at least. Why didn’t you let Laurie drive her car? She’s used to this city, knows the roads.” So that’s why they think I’m LaRae. I was driving her rented car. Our purses were probably together on the floor of the car, or who knows where after the crash. “In the garage for repairs,” she got out past frozen lips. Talking made her cheek hurt and she put up a hand to touch

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the bandage. She couldn’t tell him that being used to the city wouldn’t have prevented the accident because, she, Laurie, the one familiar with the city, had been driving, and it had still happened. He got up and paced the small room. She watched him, swallowing her tears and feeling sick at heart. He blamed her for her sister’s death, and he was right. Hadn’t she told herself the same thing half the night? Then why did it hurt so much more when he said it? He stood at the window, his back to her, his pose stiff and angry-looking. Pain, both emotional and physical, swept through her body. How could she stand more pain, the pain which telling him she was Laurie would surely bring? Suddenly Emy’s face popped into her mind. As clearly as though she were there, Laurie remembered going through the dark tunnel and talking to Emy afterward. “Remember that you’re to stay there and take care of Susie,” Emy admonished. “You promised.” Laurie glanced at Jass, half expecting him to have heard Emy as well. But he evidently hadn’t. Had that visit through the tunnel to the beautiful garden, and talking to Emy been reality? Or a dream? Or some hallucination brought on by the medication for her surgery? Her heart pounded in confusion. What should she do? “Play the game as you promised,” Emy said clearly. “Let them all keep on thinking you’re LaRae.” Laurie shook her head to chase away the delusion. I must be overmedicated to be hearing voices from my past. No, voices from the dead! She tried, “I’m sorry about all the expense....” Jass turned back to her and said, “Don't worry about bills. We’re fully insured and our car insurance should take care of the rental car, too. I’ll call to check. You don’t have to

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think about any of that. I’ll take care of the paperwork.” She sighed. ”Good.” Her mind was spinning again and she felt dizzy. He kept talking. She tried to concentrate, to make sense of what he was saying. Something about arranging burial beside her parents in the family plot back in Minnesota. Vaguely she realized that he wanted a reply. She nodded agreement. Yes, beside her parents sounded right. What did it matter where you put a dead body? LaRae was gone; she would never play their games again. The tears started anew and she couldn’t stop them. The lump in her throat was too big, and her face too sore. She couldn’t get the words out to tell Jass the truth. Looking up, he saw her silent tears. “You, crying, LaRae? Miss Party Girl, herself, with feelings? Has it really soaked in that your fun has cost someone her life this time?” “I know. I’m sorry, Jass. I’m so sorry.” She couldn’t face the anger and pain in his face. She turned away, hugging her broken right arm with the left one, as though to shield herself from his anger. “Yeah. I’m sorry, too." His tone softened and he came over, put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead awkwardly. "Everything will be all right. Get some rest, Honey. I have to go back to Minneapolis for a meeting with an important new client. And I have the funeral arrangements to make. I’ll be back to bring you home, okay, Honey?" She met his eyes and nodded. With a little smile, he strode from the room. Laurie wept for a long time. He thought she was his wife, yet he’d made little attempt to hold her or comfort her. He hadn’t because he’d known he shouldn’t hug her with

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cracked ribs, because it would be painful for her, she tried to reassure herself. But he hadn’t even given her a proper kiss. A horrible thought struck her. He blamed her for Laurie’s death. If he could hate his wife for the death of a woman whom he’d hardly known, how much more would he hate her, Laurie, when he found out she was the one he should blame, and it was his own wife and Susie’s mother who was dead?

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Chapter 3 Refusing the sleep medication, she slept fitfully. She had a cream soup and fruit gelatin for lunch and still Jass hadn’t come back. Three o’clock came and went. Mary came back on duty, and brought her LaRae’s purse and suitcase full of clothes that Jass had evidently gotten from her apartment. It didn’t matter, since their tastes were so similar that most of LaRae’s clothes were the same as her own. And of course, they’d always been the same size, however much LaRae had claimed to need to lose five pounds. Laurie realized Jass must have been given her purse and gone through it to get her keys. She flushed at the idea of him going to her apartment. “Here, let me help you,” Mary said. She picked up a pink, lacy nightgown. "Oh, this is lovely!" She eased it over the cast, then slid one arm into the matching bed jacket. “We’ll just drape the other side over your cast. See, it’ll be okay. Anything is better than that white cotton hospital gown.” Laurie nodded and smiled at the dark-haired nurse. “By the way, I met your husband. I was down at the desk when he was filling out your insurance papers. He’s quite a handsome guy, isn’t he?” Laurie laughed ruefully. Yes, all the women thought

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Jass was terrific, including herself when he’d been married to her own sister! She shuddered, pain sliding through her as she remembered his contemptuous attitude toward her. Could she ever redeem herself with him after this? “I’ll be back later,” Jass had said. Laurie dreaded his return, yet knew they had to talk soon. This couldn’t go on. The longer she waited, the harder it would be to tell him that LaRae was the one who had died in the accident, not her. Mary left. Laurie was about to go back to sleep when she heard footsteps and her former boyfriend, Wesley, walked in. She sat up and stared at him in surprise as he stopped beside her bed. How had he known she was here? Oh, oh. The gig is up. He knows I'm Laurie and will expose me now. But how dare he show up here after the way they’d broken up yesterday? Was it only yesterday? The man really had a colossal gall along with his oversized ego. “Hello, Mrs. Markham,” he said. “I’m Wesley Miller, the surgeon who repaired the cut on your face.” Laurie could only sigh and nod in relief at his calling her ‘Mrs. Markham.’ He was only making a professional call. Let him think she was LaRae. It was easier than dealing with him as an ex-lover. He was one of the best plastic surgeons in the area. If anyone could make her presentable for the camera again, he could. After all, modeling was all she knew. “I knew your sister. I’m sorry about your loss.” She smiled her thanks, wincing at the movement. ‘Knew’ in the Biblical sense. At least Wesley had a great bedside manner. She listened as he checked her face and redid the bandage, talking about the repairs he’d done. She thanked him with another attempt at a smile. “I’m

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sure you did a good job,” she told him, her swollen cheek making her words sound mumbled. “I’ve heard that you’re an excellent surgeon.” That was true. She had heard that. She just hadn’t said how long ago she’d heard it. Wesley’s face lit up. "Thank you," he said. Laurie felt sure he thought the nurses had been singing his praises to her. Probably the nurses did think he was great, since he was an attractive bachelor as well as a good surgeon. “I met with your husband this afternoon. Goodnight, then, Mrs. Markham.” She thanked him and watched Wesley walk out of her room, wondering what she’d ever seen in him. He was a handsome specimen, of course, tall, blond, and muscular. He was also extremely talented, and anyone who married him would have money and prestige, yet she wasn’t one bit tempted. She felt nothing for him, yet only days ago, they had been entwined in her bed, making passionate love to each other. Love! She didn’t know the meaning of the word! Yes, she did. Love was what she and LaRae had shared and she’d now lost. She sighed and lay down again. Oh, Jass. How can I ever make it up to you and Susie? On the other hand, what he’d done seemed so right. He’d left her behind, and taken LaRae home. Even if he didn’t know it, he had made the right choice. I’m going to miss you so much, LaRae! She turned into her pillow and cried herself to sleep. She dreamt of Emy, and that awful time when she was a child, and learned of her friend’s murder. She saw it all clearly, the big hired man carrying Emy’s little body towards the woods. She didn’t want to watch, but she couldn’t take

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her eyes off them. Suddenly Emy looked right at her and began to scream. But her face changed to Susie’s face. Susie’s wide blue eyes stared at Laurie imploring her to help her, as the screams went on and on. Laurie gasped and woke up to a shadowy room. Her heart pounded, and her body was drenched in sweat. Through the partly open door she could hear soft, muffled voices and the clattering noise of a cart rolling down the hallway. It was just a dream. She was safe in her dark hospital room. She tried to go back to sleep, but she couldn’t shake an awful feeling of foreboding. What did her dream mean? Until yesterday, she hadn’t thought of Emy in years. Why did she suddenly remember her now? Was it because she was feeling guilty that it was her fault that Susie was now all alone, without a mother? Was her subconscious mind tormenting her with the possibilities for little girls who were unprotected? Or was LaRae’s death just reminding her of her first experience with a loved one’s death? Had she really passed through the dark tunnel and talked to Emy? Or was she hallucinating? Maybe it was all the result of her head injury and the medications they kept giving her. The next days were the longest Laurie had ever spent. No one came to see her. Her friends in California all thought she was dead, and were sending flowers to Minnesota in her memory. A lovely bouquet of flowers arrived in her hospital room. It had Jass’s name as the sender, but no note or message. He called twice, but she couldn’t tell him about the mixup over the phone, and talking was still difficult, so they had little to say. She asked about Susie. He told her about their

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plans for Laurie’s funeral, and all about the fragrant bouquets of flowers her friends back home in Minnesota, from childhood to college, had sent. It was weird to think of herself as dead, and to realize that all her friends back home thought so, too. Good Lord! How was she going to straighten out this mess? The longer she waited, the more people were involved. This was getting far too complicated. “Aunt Martha is heartbroken,” Jass was saying. “But, at least, her son Carl came home from Florida, so she isn’t alone.” “I’m sorry. She’s so old to have to go through this. I’ll call her and go see her as soon as I get back to Minnesota.” There was only silence on the phone. Then, “How touching.” She gasped in shock at his sarcastic tone, and replied in quick anger. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “You never go to see her!” How could he say such a thing! “I love Aunt Martha!” She could hear his tired sigh over the wire. “Of course you do. Look, I’m late for a meeting. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Sometime in the night, when she lay awake in the dark, trying to deal with her guilt, shame and self-pity, the thought formed. Everyone thinks that Laurie is dead. Let her stay that way. That thought was born of cowardice. She couldn’t face Jass’s anger when she told him that she had cost him his wife and the mother of his little daughter. In the dark hospital room, with its antiseptic smells and hushed tones, the idea of taking LaRae’s place made sense. She and LaRae had always been able to fool people. She could still do it if she put her mind to it. She smiled in the dark. Wesley had been her lover and she’d even fooled him,

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hadn’t she? Why not? Jass had accepted her as his wife when he came to the hospital. She felt sure that he’d never doubted it for a minute. It wasn’t as though she was taking money that didn’t belong to her, since under her late father's will, should either sister die, the other inherited the dead sister's share of his wealth. So she would be doing her brother-in-law and niece no harm by switching places. They’ll both be better off financially this way, than if all of LaRae’s share of our father's money reverted to me as Father decreed. Jass will still have a loving wife, even if I am only a stand-in, and I’ll be a good mother to little Susie. Excitement, fear, and terror took turns filling her mind over the next hours. She wavered back and forth. One minute she wanted to call Jass and tell him to return at once because she had to talk to him. The next minute she believed that taking LaRae’s place as wife and mother was the right thing to do. If he ever learned the truth, he would hate her more for fooling him. On the other hand, was it possible for him to treat her worse than the cold way he already had? She knew the answer was yes. He might throw her out entirely. Once she even dialed his house, but something seemed to hold her back. She remembered his cold face and hateful words and hung up before anyone could answer. She shuddered. He was right, she was to blame, and the least she could do was try to make it up to him. Since she already loved Susie, being her mother would be a pleasure. She’d have her own home and family. She would pretend Jass was the Mr. Right she’d been looking for, the answer to her dreams. Several times she dreamed of Jass, of living back in Minnesota with him, eating breakfast across the table from

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him, kissing him. When she awoke, she remembered LaRae, and dissolved into tears, suffering pangs of guilt for daring to think of claiming the husband and daughter who weren’t hers. Once she dreamed that they were making love. His lips were kissing her lips, then her throat, then trailing down to her bare breast. His hands slid down her arms, pushing aside her clothes, to give him greater access to her. Her nipples were taut with desire, and he was giving them the attention they wanted. She called out his name, wanting him to give her more, give her all of him. Perspiring, she awoke. She found herself in the dimly lit hospital room, with Mary standing over her bed, holding out another little paper cup with pain pills. “Here, dear, take these. They’ll help you quiet down. You’ve been moaning. That’s it. Wash them down with this.” Mary handed her the glass of water, then took the empty glass and went over to fuss over her roommate. Giving Laurie a sympathetic glance, she left. Laurie did her best to get back to sleep, her mind in turmoil of guilt and desire. It had only been a dream. What a letdown. Remembering the eroticism of her dream, Laurie scolded herself for thinking about sex with Jass even in her sleep. LaRae was dead and Jass had been her husband. It was awful of her to dream about making love with Jass. Besides, she hardly knew the man! In spite of that, she felt tingly at the memory of her vivid dream. Remembering LaRae and Susie, she began to cry again. She buried her face in her pillow to keep her sobs from waking her roommate or bringing Mary back to check on her. Poor little Susie. She was too young to cope with life without

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a mother. Yes, her idea of taking LaRae’s place had merit, crazy as it was. The next evening, Jass called again, still pleading pressing business as his excuse for remaining in Minnesota. “How’s Susie?” she asked. Her voice still sounded ragged, half from the injury, half from nervousness. It was a good thing that her and LaRae’s voices had always been identical as well as their looks. “Susie’s fine. She loves kindergarten. I’m glad, since that gives Diane a break. I haven’t been home much lately to help out.” Diane? Who was Diane? Oh, yes, the nanny. “That’s good.” Oh, God, could she really carry this off? What if she goofed and called someone by the wrong name? “I’m being discharged tomorrow, Jass,” she told him. “Do you want me to fly out to come home with you?” “Of course not,” she said indignantly, but was pleased at his offer. At last, some sign that he cared about her! “I’m well enough to take care of myself. I’ve flown alone many times.” “I know.” “But I will have to come back here after the funeral for a couple of weeks to close out Laurie’s apartment and all that.” “Yes, I suppose it will take time to do all that. I did what I could, identified her and took care of the death certificate. I got her insurance card from her purse and filled out the insurance papers for the ambulance and hospital bills. Yours, too, so you don’t have to worry about those. And I filled out a forwarding address to our house for any of her bills that come in later, LaRae.” “Thanks, Jass. You’re so thoughtful.” There was a stiff silence at her comment, and she

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wondered if he thought she was being sarcastic instead of complimentary. At last he continued. “By the way I put a copy of Laurie’s death certificate in your purse. I suppose you’ll need it to close out her stuff at the bank.” Laurie drew a sharp breath at that. Good Lord, she was really legally dead! Weird! The thought sent panic streaking through her. Would she get in trouble for doing this if anyone found out? She hadn’t done it, of course, since others had made the judgment about who was who after the accident. But she hadn’t tried to correct anyone either, so wouldn’t she still be blamed? She pulled her thoughts back to what Jass was saying. “I thought you’d rather do stuff like go through her accounts, pay her bills, and clean out her apartment.” She tightened her grip on the telephone, a surge of dismay going through her at the idea of actually closing off her life here in San Francisco. “Yes, of course. I’ll worry about all that later.” “By the way, LaRae, didn’t they return your purse?” “Yes,” she said, puzzled. Mary had shown her LaRae’s purse in the closet, asking if she wanted to use any of the make-up. She’d been given LaRae’s wristwatch the first day when she’d asked for the time. “Why do you ask?” “Your wedding rings were in it. I checked, since the police said you weren’t wearing them. But I suppose you didn’t want them to put off any handsome hunks you met while you went out to party with the single girls, eh?” The bitter note of disappointment and resignation in his voice tore at her heart. She wanted to put her arms around him and reassure him that she would always be there for him and Susie. But of course, she couldn’t. They were only talking on the phone, and she didn’t know what had gone on

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between him and LaRae to cause him such pain. What could she say without giving it all away? She could tell him the truth about why LaRae had taken off her rings, but he didn’t sound like he was in the mood to believe her anyway. Who would believe two grown women acting out a silly game from their childhood? When she hesitated, he went on, “Never mind. Are you sure you can manage your luggage all right with your arm in that cast?” “Yes, of course. I’ll go right from the hospital to the airport. I’ll get some help. There are always porters around, and the cabby as well.” She gave him her flight number and time of arrival. “All right then. I’ll meet you. Take care. Don’t overdo.” “I won’t, Jass.” “You still have your credit cards for the plane ticket and cash for the taxi? They’re not maxed out, or anything?” Maxed out? LaRae had used that phrase too. Had LaRae been in the habit of overspending? Was that the source of the trouble between them that LaRae had alluded to? What was she getting into? “Yes, I have them. And no, they aren’t maxed out,” she answered. Besides, she had her own money and credit cards. They weren’t canceled yet, and she doubted the credit card companies had heard of her supposed death. “Well, all right, then. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at the airport.” “You’re sure Susie’s all right? She didn’t miss me too much?” Jass laughed wryly. “Of course not, LaRae.” She swallowed hard, confused. Why was there disgust in his tone? “Tell her I’ll see her tomorrow. Bye then, Jass. I

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love you.” There, she’d said it to him just as she imagined LaRae would have. It felt so odd to be saying that as though she had the right! “Sure. Bye.” Again he hadn’t said the words, ‘I love you.’ Disappointed and vaguely worried, she hung up the phone. The next day at noon, Laurie, as LaRae, boarded a plane back to Minneapolis. Stop thinking of yourself as Laurie, she scolded herself. You are now LaRae. Don’t forget it. If you do, you’re going to screw up! Thanking the stewardess for stowing her carry-on luggage, she settled into the seat next to the window. Earlier, she had made a quick stop at her apartment and picked up the letters and pictures LaRae had sent her over the years. Now she took them from her purse and studied the pictures, trying to memorize names and faces. She wished fervently that she and LaRae had talked more, and that she’d paid more attention to what LaRae had told her. Then she re-read all of LaRae’s letters for references to people LaRae knew. She was sure that many of them would call or come to visit to offer condolences, and she would be expected to carry on a conversation with them. Just the thought of dealing with it all made her shiver with apprehension. She’d decided to use memory loss from the shock of her accident as her excuse for mistakes in identifying people. She would play up being forgetful, and thus try to cover herself until she learned the many details that she, as LaRae, would be expected to know. There would be so many chances to foul up. She would have to talk as little as possible and listen a lot, which

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certainly wasn’t either her or LaRae’s natural style of behavior. The older man seated next to her tried to start a conversation, but Laurie only replied in monosyllables until he gave up. The stewardess brought a meal, and Laurie managed to get most of it down. Her stomach felt tied in knots. She kept thinking of meeting Jass and Susie as LaRae. What if she goofed? What if she’d burned all her bridges in California, only to be faced with rejection in Minnesota? What if Jass saw through her immediately? Now, with a stomach full of butterflies, here Laurie was, ready to start a new life as LaRae. Tears filled her eyes as she thought of her dead sister. She had to put aside her grief for the moment, she told herself, and concentrate on Jass and Susie. They must come first in her life now. She would remember the good times with LaRae. She closed her eyes and lay back in her seat. She had to plan ahead. Whatever had possessed her to try this deception? It had to be the stupidest mistake of her twenty-eight years. Dumb, dumb, dumb. She’d never pull it off. The churning in her stomach was proof of that. But if she couldn’t, how was she going to tell Jass the truth and straighten this mess out? And when? She couldn’t just blurt it out in public. He was going to be devastated. In the meantime, she had to keep up the pretense. Until she could find a good time to tell him. The intercom popped and came alive over her head as the pilot announced their descent for landing in Minneapolis. She sat up, nervously twisting her wedding rings. They were a bit loose, but that could be explained by a little weight loss, providing Jass noticed. She got out her compact mirror and checked her hair and make-up, ignoring the interested look of the older man in

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the next seat. Her hair and nails needed doing, making her feel self-conscious about her appearance. As a model, she’d paid a lot of attention to those details. Her face had not completely healed, although the scar was less noticeable and the bruises had faded to yellowish remnants that she’d been able to cover pretty well with make-up. Her right arm was almost useless since the cast covered all but her fingers. She adjusted the blue canvas sling, trying to make it more comfortable. The stewardess came to retrieve her carry-on. In spite of the way she’d ignored him earlier, the older man politely stood back to allow her to precede him down the aisle. She rewarded him with a smile and managed to get both carry-on and purse in one hand, and stepped off the plane. She hurried down the chute, her footsteps echoing as hollowly as her stomach felt. “Over here, LaRae,” Jass called as she emerged from the gate. He stepped forward and pulled her out of the flow of off-loading passengers, then leaned over to give her a quick kiss. “Hello.” “Hello, Jass.” Her pulse racing with excitement and nervousness, she returned his kiss, giving him a one-armed hug. The spicy scent of his after-shave filled her nostrils, sending a shiver down her spine. What would LaRae say to him? “God, I missed you!” He didn’t reply. To her surprise, he wore a casual outfit of brown slacks and a sweater. Since it was only five, she had expected him to be in his office clothes. As a computer programmer-analyst, she imagined that he wore a business suit to his office. He took her carry-on bag from her, saying, “Come on, LaRae, let’s get out of this crowd.”

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Sending him a tentative smile, she fell into step beside him as they joined the flow of people moving down the noisy corridor toward the main terminal area. Her eyes swept the shops on either side of them, alert for changes since she’d last visited here. Since LaRae often traveled, she’d know the airport well. Jass noticed, and said curtly, “No shopping, LaRae!” Irritation sharpened her voice. “I was just looking.” He said nothing, but deftly steered her around a young woman pulling a loaded luggage cart who almost ran into them. His firm, warm grip on her arm sent a tremor sailing through her. Conversation was difficult in the fast-moving crowd, but she tried anyway. “Why didn’t you bring Susie?” she asked, not bothering to hide her disappointment. Jass turned to stare at her in surprise, then shrugged. “She wanted to come, but I assumed you’d want to go out for dinner somewhere, like we usually do.” “Oh. Of course. If you’d like.” A couple of teenagers in a hurry bumped into them, cutting in ahead of them. Jass took her arm to steady her. Smiling a thank you, she asked, “Did you come here straight from the office?” He glanced at her, a wry smile twisting his full lips. “I golf on Tuesday afternoons, remember?” Damn. A goof, right off the bat. She flushed, and said, “I’m sorry, I forgot.” “Did you? I thought perhaps your arrival had been planned to interrupt my game.” The bitter tone in his voice shocked her and she could think of nothing to say. Her heart pounded painfully in her chest. How long would it be before they could hold a comfortable conversation? She felt as if she were on a Minnesota lake in

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winter, treading on thin ice that kept cracking ahead of her. Any minute now she would fall through into the icy, dark depths. Silently, they rode the escalator down to the luggage claim area, and found the carousel for her flight. Bags were noisily bouncing down the conveyor belt and people were crowded around, checking bags for their own. Spotting her brown leather case, she grabbed it awkwardly with her left hand. “I’ll get it.” His hand covered hers, and a warm sensation surged through her at his touch. He lifted the heavy case out of the turntable with ease, turned and led the way through the automatic doors and across the street to the parking garage. She followed, down the ramp and between the rows of parked cars, alert to his every move. Since she had no idea what kind of car he drove, or even what LaRae owned, she felt sure she would give herself away. To cover her nervousness, she found herself chattering. “The doctor said my memory lapses are due to the shock of the accident. I should improve with time, he thinks.” Damn. Hadn’t she told him that once before? Jass didn’t reply. He stopped at a silver Mercedes. Opening the trunk, he put her suitcase inside, reached for her carry-on case and put it in the trunk as well. Then he unlocked the passenger door, opened it, and reached out to take her arm to help her inside. Instead, she turned her back to the seat, sat down, then lifted both feet together and turned, neatly swinging both feet inside. “Thank you,” she said automatically, smiling at him as he closed the door. She reached across his seat to unlock his door, then settled back into the soft, red plush seat with a sigh

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of pleasure. Ah, luxury! She buckled her seatbelt and waited for him to get in beside her. When she noticed him putting his key in the lock, she called, “It’s open.” He looked at her strangely, opened the door and got behind the wheel. “So, you did learn something from the accident,” he remarked. She felt like she was treading on eggshells. Whatever did he mean? “Pardon?” He grinned wryly, and started the motor. “You’re wearing your seatbelt. I’ve never seen you buckle it before.” “Oh.” What could she say? The reminder of the accident sent a cold chill down her spine. If LaRae had buckled up, would she be alive today? Laurie pushed away the pain. She smiled and shrugged, saying brightly, “After the accident, I decided to turn over a new leaf.” “Sounds great to me. Will it last one day or two?” His cynicism jolted her. The relationship between LaRae and Jass must be in worse shape than she had thought. Her earlier assumption that she could just step into the loving wife and mother role was obviously wrong. “You don’t give me much credit, do you?” “Should I?” His laugh had a harsh ring to it. Her throat filled with pain at the unexpected criticism, and she could think of nothing to reply. When she didn’t answer, he glanced at her as he stopped at the stop sign before pulling out onto the highway. Sighing, he asked, “Where would you like to eat?” She shrugged. “Wherever you’d like. Surprise me.” She shut her eyes and leaned back, rubbing her temple. Tension was building into pain behind her eyes, which she knew from experience would shortly become a severe

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headache. When he parked half an hour later, she opened her eyes and saw they were at a seafood restaurant near Maplewood Mall in the northern suburb. She had often come here when she and LaRae had gone shopping at the mall years before. Before she’d left for California. Before she’d even met the hunk beside her. Before LaRae had married him, while she stood in her beautiful lace maid of honor dress, watching her sister’s happiness and wondering if she’d ever find her own Mr. Right. Now Jass sat beside her, believing she was his wife. She couldn’t believe it. Believe it. You’d better believe it or you’re going to blow it. Stop thinking like Laurie. You’re LaRae! “Ready?” He was looking at her, expecting her to react. “Sure.” She unbuckled her seat belt, opened her door and swung both legs out, then gracefully stepped out and closed the door. Tossing him a smile, she walked with him toward the restaurant. He took her arm. “So, who taught you the neat way of getting in and out of a car? Hospital therapy?” Neat way of getting in and out of a car? What did he mean? She tried to think of what she’d done differently than usual, then realized he meant her modeling training, which LaRae didn’t have. Yikes! There was no way to change that! Those graceful movements had become second nature to her over the last few years. She stammered, “Ah, no. Laurie showed me a couple of modeling tricks.” Would that cover any other differences in her movements that he noticed? She hoped so! “Oh.” “Um, you go ahead, I need to visit the powder room,”

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she said as a hostess came to seat them. “Sure.” When she joined him a few minutes later, he said, “I ordered your usual. I hope that’s okay?” “Sure.” What was her usual? The butterflies were back. If only she’d kept in touch with LaRae and Jass better, and come to visit them oftener. If only she hadn’t been so envious, she might know more details of LaRae’s life and might have had a better chance of pulling this off. Just then the waitress brought their food, cutting off any further comment. She set a seafood salad in front of Laurie, and French-fried shrimp and potatoes in front of Jass. Laurie stared at her salad in disbelief, wondering if she dared refuse it. Several large shrimp were on top of the lettuce, and she knew if she ate them, she’d break out in a very obvious and itchy rash within the hour. Yikes! Why did LaRae’s usual order have to be one of the things she was allergic to? Why couldn’t LaRae have liked something safe, like T-bone steak?

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Chapter 4 Laurie toyed with her salad, eating the lettuce and cucumber, while keeping up a running chatter. She asked about Susie’s progress in kindergarten. Jass seemed a bit surprised, but answered readily enough. She ate the tomato wedges and buttered her roll, then sipped her coffee, watching Jass eat hungrily. She found it awkward, eating with her left hand, and said so, adding, “I feel so useless this way. I’m afraid I won’t be able to do much around the house, either, at least until I get rid of this cast.” “Agnes takes care of the housework just fine by herself,” he said, his mouth twisting in a wry smile. “Of course.” Laurie looked away and ate her roll. So, they had a housekeeper, too. What was this Agnes like? LaRae hadn’t mentioned her. Was the housekeeper a new addition, or had they had her a long time? The more she learned, the more she realized that she didn’t know. Panic slid through her as she realized there were going to be so many ways to screw up. Whatever had made her think that she could pull this off? And he sounded as though he couldn’t care less whether she was able to manage their household. She felt definitely unneeded. Jass spoke, causing her to jump. “Aren’t you going to

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finish your salad?” She brought her attention back to him and flashed him an apologetic smile. “I guess I’m not really hungry. I should have told you that I ate on the plane.” She dropped her napkin on her plate in an attempt to hide the uneaten shrimp and drank more coffee. “I thought you hated airplane food. You always say you only eat the peanuts!” Yikes. Another goof. She shrugged. “I was hungry, so I tried it. Wasn’t too bad.” In an attempt to change the subject she asked, “What did you do at work today?” Jass stared at her a moment in surprise, but answered readily enough. “The bank I’m setting up a new system for this month is just starting to do on-line banking. Their old system didn’t have that capability,” he explained. “So, as well as setting it up and making sure it’s working properly, I’m having to teach the employees how to use it. I’ll probably be there a couple more weeks, if all goes well.” “I see. I remember hearing about paying bills on-line. It sounds interesting, but is it really all that secure?” “You remember hearing about that? Where?” She shrugged, and ate a bite of her roll. “I don’t know. Maybe from you?” “No way. You never wanted to hear about my work.” “Maybe I heard you talking about it to someone else, then. Or just read about it.” She smiled encouragingly, hoping he’d just keep talking about it on his own. He hadn’t answered her question about the security of on-line banking, after all, just side-stepped it. But he’d evidently tired of the subject, and turned his attention to his dinner. When he didn’t answer, she tried another subject. “Will

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taking more time off work to go back to California create problems for you? Or shall I wait until my arm heals and I can do it on my own?” “No problem. I’ll go with you. I’ve already told them I’d be doing that. My assistant can finish the rest of the training.” “That’s good.” She remembered that she’d have to try to do something about her hair and nails before the funeral tomorrow. She couldn’t do them herself with her arm in a cast. “What time is the funeral? Will there be time for me to get a shampoo in the morning?” “I’m sure your regular salon in Canton will be happy to oblige,” he said. She resented his dry comment. He ought to be able to understand that she was self-conscious about her appearance. She awkwardly pulled at the blue canvas sling, trying to make it more comfortable. Jass smiled at her and reached over to help her adjust it. She glanced at her watch. “Gee, it’s already after seven. Are you ready to go? I’d like to get home before Susie’s asleep. I’ve missed her.” Surely that was a safe thing for a mother to say. But darn him, Jass raised an eyebrow again. She was beginning to hate that gesture. He nodded, finished his coffee and signaled the waitress for their check. They said little during the hour’s ride home. The tension that filled the air between them seemed thick enough to slice. She felt intensely aware of him beside her. Her gaze kept straying to his strong, tanned fingers on the steering wheel, guiding the luxury car so casually and effortlessly. Her eyes took note of the curly dark hair that covered his wrists below the sleeves of his shirt and sweater, and she longed to run her fingertips over it, just to see if it was as soft as it looked.

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Would he ever love her as he’d loved LaRae, she wondered. Would he really someday belong to her? The thought that she was going to her sister’s house, to sleep in her bed, to use the things her sister would never use again brought tears to her eyes. She tried to hide them, to swallow them back, but didn’t succeed. Jass looked at her and frowned, but said nothing when she dug a tissue from her purse and blew her nose. Then he smiled and reached over to squeeze her knee comfortingly, seeming to be embarrassed at her grief. Pushing her long hair back, she drew a deep breath and looked out the window at the passing landscape. The freeway skirted the small towns, so she could see little but farmland interspersed with forests of evergreens. The sun was setting in the west, leaving a variety of red and gold streaks above the horizon. She checked the time again, surprised it was still daylight. Then she remembered that this far north, the days were very long this late in spring. Back home it would have been dark already. She tried to concentrate on the highway numbers of the route he was taking, in case she was expected to take it in reverse to drive into town. As soon as she got the chance, she’d go online and find a current detailed map of Minnesota so she could get her bearings around her new home. Her memories of Canton were hazy at best, since her childhood home had been at least twenty miles from Canton where Jass lived. “Tired?” Jass asked, glancing at her sympathetically. “Yes, a little. I’m getting a headache.” She smiled wryly at him. He reached over and rubbed the back of her neck to ease the tension. “We’re almost there. You’ll feel better after

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a good night’s sleep.” Surprise at his sudden show of warmth sent a shiver of awareness sliding down her insides. But the idea of sleeping with him was not relaxing, it was scary. The butterflies were back, fluttering about in her midriff. Would he want to make up for lost time with an immediate round of lovemaking? Until now, he certainly hadn’t been acting as though he were about to make love. In fact, he seemed almost cold to her. Had he and LaRae quarreled before she came to California? Was she supposed to be apologizing for something? He turned off the interstate highway and followed a narrow blacktopped road for several miles. Then he turned again onto a road that wound around a good-sized lake surrounded by houses and evergreens. At a large, split-level house, he slowed and turned into the blacktopped driveway, stopping in front of the double doors of the attached garage. Pulling down his visor, he pressed a button on a device clipped to it and one of the garage doors rolled up. She drew in a breath, and stared at the house for a long moment. It was beautiful! The lower half was red brick. The upper-level, of wood siding painted a contrasting soft shade of yellow, stretched over the garage. The roof matched the brick and there were wide windows on the front on both levels and above the garage. In the twilight the house was partly hidden in shadows. It looked a bit forlorn in this in-between season. The snows of winter had melted, and the grass was green but had not yet grown enough to mow. Leaves were just starting to bud on the maple trees near the house. Black dirt between the sidewalk and the house promised flowers soon to come up. She loved this house and yard already, and imagined it when the warmer weather would bring every plant to its full

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potential. She dared not ask what kind of flowers had been planted there, but her fingers itched to get into the dirt and tend them. As soon as this cast was off, she would! Jass turned off the motor and got out, going around the back of the car for her luggage. The side door of the house burst open. A little girl with flowing blonde hair came running down the sidewalk, arms spread wide, screaming, “Mommy! Mommy!” A little black dog with white spots bounded after her, wagging its tail and barking a welcome. Laurie opened her car door, jumped out and ran to meet Susie, stooping and catching her in one arm and clutching the precious child to her in a big hug. She breathed in the deliciously homey scents of ginger snap cookies and soap. The dog yipped around them, sniffing at Laurie. “I missed you, Mommy!” “I missed you, too, darling!” She kissed her, then pulled back and looked at Susie long and lovingly. She smoothed back her blonde hair with gentle fingers, memorizing the face she hadn’t seen for over a year. With wide blue eyes, Susie looked trustingly back at her. Her cheeks were rosy, and round with baby fat. So chubby and cute. God, let her accept me. Let me be able to take care of her! I don’t want her hurt! “Did your arm get hurt, Mommy?” Susie, wide-eyed, touched Laurie’s cast with small fingers. “Yes, Honey. My arm is broken. But it’ll be okay again soon.” “Does it hurt?” “Not much now.” Laurie smiled and shook her head, reaching out a hand to let the barking dog sniff it in an effort to shut him up. She tried to pat its head, but it backed away and barked furiously at her.

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“Down, Trixie,” Jass scolded coming up behind her. “What’s the matter with you?” The dog whined in submission and retreated a couple of steps. “Daddy wouldn’t let me come with him, to get you off the airplane, Mommy.” Susie pursed her soft lips into a pout, sending Jass an accusing stare. A young, pretty woman with dark auburn hair appeared at the side door and came towards them. “I’m sorry Susie’s still up, Mrs. Markham. She’s so excited, she wouldn’t go to bed.” The woman’s voice was nervous and apologetic. “Hello.” Laurie stood up and smiled at her, wondering again what was expected of her. Was this the nanny or the housekeeper? Playing it safe, she remarked, “That’s quite all right. I’m pleased she’s still up to welcome me home.” The woman looked confused, one hand rubbing her cheek. Hesitantly, she offered, “I . . .I’m sorry about your sister’s death and your injuries, ma’am.” The ‘ma’am’ sounded strange coming from someone so young. “Thank you.” Jass stopped in mid-stride and stooped to give Susie a hug. “Hello, Susie. You go on up to bed with Diane now, Sweetheart. It’s long past your bedtime. You don’t want to be too sleepy for kindergarten in the morning, do you?” “No, Daddy.” “Run along then. And put Trixie down in the rec. room in the basement. It’s her bedtime, too.” “Yes, Daddy.” Disappointed, Laurie watched Susie take Diane’s hand and go into the house, with Trixie scampering after them. She’d hoped for a little time with Susie to get acquainted, but dared not ask for it. Tomorrow would have to

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do. She could wait. The screen door closed behind Diane and Susie and Laurie turned to get her purse. Jass picked up her suitcase and carry-on case and she followed him inside. Just inside the door, an oak staircase curved to a landing. She could hear Susie’s high-pitched, excited chatter up there, and Diane’s low voice in answer. Jass walked straight ahead down a carpeted hallway with her luggage. Apparently the master bedroom was down there. To her left, she could see a large, modern kitchen. Oak cupboards lined two walls, with built-in gleaming white appliances. Everything looked spotless. Badly needing an aspirin, she stepped inside, her gaze quickly sweeping the room to orient herself. Putting down her purse, she found the aspirin, then opened several cupboard doors until she found a glass. Filling it with water at the sink, she swallowed the pills gratefully. She jumped when Jass spoke behind her. ”I’ll put the car away and be right back in.” “Sure. I’ll just say goodnight to Susie before I come to bed.“ She saw a strange look cross his face, but he didn’t reply. Tightening his lips, he nodded and went outside. She walked up the stairs, following the sound of Susie’s voice to her bedroom. “Oh! Mrs. Markham!” Diane said in a flustered tone when she saw her. “Did you want something? I . . . I was just settling Susie down.” “Just to say goodnight to Susie.” Susie welcomed her hug and kiss goodnight and returned it enthusiastically. Laurie said goodnight to Diane, then went back

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downstairs. She followed the hall to the bedroom where she’d seen Jass carry her luggage, nervous now that the moment to actually share a bedroom with this man had arrived. To her surprise, she found not one master bedroom at the end of the hall, but two large rooms with an adjoining bath. Her luggage was in one room. Obviously, the other was his room, since there were only LaRae’s things in her room. She stepped to the other room, staring unbelievingly. Yes, there were his business suits hanging in the open closet, a white shirt tossed over a chair, and black shoes lay on the floor beside it. Her heart felt like a fist had slammed into it. They had separate bedrooms? “Looking for something?” She whirled and found herself almost in his arms. “No, I . . . that is . . . yes, you,” she stammered. Her pulse pounded. He was so close, if she reached out.... Her hand moved to touch his shoulder, reveling in the solid feel of his muscles under his shirt. She whispered, “I missed you.” For a moment he didn’t move, then slowly he leaned forward and kissed her. “I missed you, too, Honey.” Her eyes closed and she leaned into him, enjoying the feel of his solid, muscular arms around her, enclosing her in his warmth. His lips moved on hers, teasing, and coaxing more response. She returned his kisses eagerly. Flames of desire raged in her belly, seeming to spark from his searching tongue and race along her veins. She opened her lips and her tongue danced with his, meeting his urgency. His hand moved up her side, sliding under her sweater and pushing aside the silk camisole, and under her lacy bra. A shiver ran through her as his fingers found their goal. They closed over and caressed her breasts. Her nipples snapped to

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attention. A ragged moan escaped her lips. “I love you,” he whispered against her hair. “I was afraid you weren’t planning to come back.” His head dipped, trailing kisses down the side of her neck and then lower, until his lips closed over her nipple. A shudder rippled through her as he tugged at it, and an insistent ringing echoed in her ears. When he cursed and pulled away, she realized the ringing sound was the telephone on his bedside table. “Let it ring,” she protested. “No. It’ll wake Susie.” He strode across his bedroom to answer it. “Diane will . . .” “Diane can’t hear it. She’s gone to bed in her own apartment over the garage.” He grabbed the phone just as Susie’s voice whined from upstairs, “Daddy, can I have a drink of water?” Giving a sigh and straightening her clothes, Laurie met his eyes and mouthed, “I’ll get it!” Then she strode down the hall to the kitchen for the glass of water, calling an answer to Susie. Susie was sitting up in bed. She looked surprised to see Laurie. “Where’s Daddy?” “He’s on the telephone, Sweetheart. Here’s your water.” Susie drank it, handed the glass back, and said, “Daddy always reads me a story if I can’t get to sleep.” She looked at Laurie hopefully, her blue eyes wide. So much for getting back to Jass. She sighed and said, “All right, but just a short one. Which story do you want?” She looked at the full bookcase beside Susie’s bed. “You find the book.” Susie jumped out of bed and knelt beside the shelves,

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pulling out a bright yellow Dr. Seuss book, Green Eggs and Ham. “This one.” She handed the book to Laurie and hopped back in bed. Laurie sat down on the side of the bed, tucked the soft pink blanket around Susie, and opened the book to begin reading. Jass called from down below, “A fire call across the lake, LaRae. I’m leaving!” Now what? It wasn’t a question, and his tone of voice left no doubt that she should know what he meant. Disappointment surged through her, but she managed to call an answering, “Okay!” Susie sat up again, looking ready to cry. Laurie put her free arm around her. “What’s the matter?” “I don’t like it when Daddy goes to a fire at night.” “Why not? I’m sure Daddy can take care of himself.” Susie sniffled and shook her head. “Fires is dangerous, Mommy. Davie’s daddy fell off a ladder and got burned and had to stay in the hospital a long time.” Laurie’s throat felt too tight to answer. She hugged Susie close until she quieted, and squirmed loose. “Read the rest, Mommy.” After Susie was asleep, Laurie stood at her bedroom window and looked across the lake. She raised the window to let the fresh, cool night air blow in through the screen. Was it her imagination or was that a whiff of smoke? Except for an occasional car driving by, the night was silent. A dog began barking down the lakeshore. She could see car lights and movement across the lake, but not enough to know what was happening. At times she could see the silhouettes of dark figures against a red glow, and a couple of shouts echoed

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over the water. Jass apparently belonged to the rural volunteer firemen, since she knew his regular job involved programming computers to do specialized tasks for banks. She knew the nearby town of Canton was too small to have paid firemen and remembered some of her friends had done that dangerous and thankless job. Would Jass be safe? Suddenly the whole area seemed foreign and strange. What if something happened to Jass? She was in a strange town, miles from anyone she knew, and responsible for a little girl she’d seen only a few times. How would she cope? With a broken arm, it was hard for her to even drive a car. Tomorrow was her sister’s funeral, and Jass had told her only in a general way of the arrangements he’d made. Panic rose to choke her, and she fought it back. She was being silly, letting Susie’s fears upset her. There were lots of other firefighters with Jass. He’d be fine. She undressed, put on a pink satin nightgown, and climbed into bed. She fully intended to stay awake until Jass returned, but the long tense day caught up with her and she fell asleep. Again she dreamed of Emy and of Susie being in danger. Emy looked sternly at her and admonished, “You promised to stay and protect Susie, Laurie. You promised to play the game. Don’t back out now.” She sat up, perspiring and disoriented. Was the dream a message? Or was she still hallucinating? She wasn’t taking any pain pills now. She couldn’t blame her dreams on them this time. Suddenly she knew she had to stay. She couldn’t tell Jass the truth until she was sure Susie was safe. Maybe Emy would let her know when that day came, just as she kept

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warning her to stay, now. Relaxing, she went immediately back to sleep. The sound of the toilet flushing in their bathroom next door woke her. Relief spread through her. He was home safe. Meaning to talk to him, she went to her door. As she opened hers, she saw Jass’s bedroom door close. She stared at it, feeling totally rejected. Lifting a hand to knock, she stopped, suddenly feeling shy about knocking on his door. Would LaRae have knocked? Or would she have just walked in? Laurie swallowed, chickened out and went back to bed. So much for that. He must be all right, or surely his fellow workers would have made him go to the emergency room. Thank goodness for that, anyway. Obviously, Jass was no longer interested in making love tonight. But she shouldn’t blame him. After all, he must be very tired. She lay awake for a long time, wondering about him and LaRae. They obviously hadn’t even slept in the same bed. What had she gotten into? When Laurie awoke the next morning, it was broad daylight and the flowered, ceramic clock on her bedside table read seven-thirty. Hurrying to the bathroom, she peeked around into Jass’s open bedroom door, but he was nowhere to be seen. She could hear voices and Susie’s giggle coming from the kitchen down the hall. She hurried through her morning toilet and struggled into a loose blouse and wrap-around skirt. Following the delicious odor of coffee, she walked down the hall to the kitchen, nerves once more making her midriff quiver as she paused in the doorway. The scene in the kitchen was one she’d dreamed of

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many times. Sunlight streamed in through the window making the oak and white kitchen bright. Cheerful decals added color above the range and sink. Jass and Susie sat at the round oak table, Jass reading his paper and Susie eating a bowl of cereal. A plump, middle-aged woman who she assumed was Agnes stood at the stove with a spatula in her hand, turning sizzling bacon in a pan. What more could any woman ask for than this? A family of her own and servants to help do the work. God, she was so lucky! Could she make it last? She had to! Jass and Susie were dressed for the day. Jass wore a dark brown business suit with a plaid tie and a white shirt. Even engrossed in the morning paper, he looked handsome. Susie wore a yellow striped top and brown slacks. Her hair had been brushed shiny and tied back in a ponytail with a brown satin ribbon. Diane must get up early, Laurie thought, disappointed. So much for the idea of helping Susie get ready for kindergarten. She would have to get an alarm clock if she wanted to fit into this household. “Good morning. I’m sorry I overslept.” She sat down in the empty chair across from Jass, looking him over for signs of injury at the fire last night. She let out a sigh of relief that he seemed okay. Trixie got up from the floor beside Susie’s chair and came over to sniff at her. But at least this morning the dog didn’t bark at her. Apparently, Trixie was ready to accept her if the others did. Jass looked up from the Tribune and smiled at her. “Morning, Honey. I didn’t know you were awake this early, or I’d have offered you a hand with dressing. Must be awkward with that cast. I see you managed okay.”

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“Sure.” A warm glow sped through her at the idea of him helping her get dressed. Maybe she shouldn’t have been so self-sufficient. She could imagine his hands on her, sliding her clothes over her skin, hooking her bra for her. She swallowed and added, “I’ve had a couple of days to practice in the hospital.” “Of course. I forgot about that.” “Everything go okay last night?” “No problem.” “Good morning, LaRae. I’m sorry about your sister,” Agnes murmured as she brought a plate of bacon and eggs for Jass, then poured Laurie’s coffee. “Thank you.” Susie regarded her solemnly with wide blue eyes, then asked, “Mommy, how’d you get your blouse on over that cast?” “I put the blouse on the arm with the cast first, Honey.” “What if it’s too tight and won’t fit?” Laurie laughed. “In that case, I would just have to choose something else that is loose enough to go over the cast.” “Oh.” Susie considered that for a moment, then said solemnly, “Daddy was telling me about the fire he went to last night. Awesome!” Laurie’s smile faded. She frowned at Jass, who was busily putting away his bacon and eggs. “Jass, do you think you should be telling her about such things? She’s only five!” Jass paused, a forkful of egg halfway to his mouth. His brown eyes widened and he stared at her, then put down his fork. “The fire was at her friend Cindy’s house, LaRae. She was bound to hear about it in school.” She flushed and looked down at her plate. “Oh. I

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suppose so.” Another goof. What was Jass thinking? “Anyway, only the garage burned down, Mommy. And nobody got hurt. No big deal. Cindy’s dad’s a builder. He’ll make them a new one right away, I’ll bet.” Agnes put a plate of bacon and eggs in front of Laurie with one hand and refilled her coffee cup with the other, all in one swift, practiced motion. Laurie stared down at the heavy, fattening food, her stomach turning at the very idea of eating it. Was this really LaRae’s normal breakfast? She looked up at Agnes, and said, “I’m sorry, Agnes, but I really don’t want this. Could I just have dry toast and jelly, please?” Agnes turned back, one hand on her hip. “You sick, LaRae? You always eat a big breakfast.” That sounded like as good an excuse as any. Close to the truth, too. “My stomach’s a little upset. Just the toast, please.” “Sure.” Agnes picked up the offending plate and carried it back to the stove. “Can I go play in my room?” Susie asked. At Laurie’s nod, she skipped down the hall. As soon as Susie was out of earshot, Laurie met Jass’s eyes and said quietly, “I still don’t think it’s good for her to hear so much about fires. You should have heard her after you left last night. She was afraid that you might get hurt. She’s too little to handle something like that.” “You worry too much, LaRae. She chatters a mile a minute, then forgets it all and is off on another subject in no time.” “Do you think so?” “Yes. It’s not half so worrisome as taking her with us to Laurie’s funeral. Are you sure she should go to that?”

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“Of course. Children need to accept death as a natural part of life. It’s wrong to hide things from them.” She spoke with calm assurance, as though this subject were one with which she had had plenty of experience. Jass eyed her thoughtfully, but made no comment and resumed reading his newspaper. Laurie looked across the table at Jass, willing him to look at her instead of his paper. “What time is the funeral?” “Two. Pastor Luke wants to do a private service for the family downstairs at one-thirty. I made you an appointment to get your hair done at ten. We have plenty of time.” He’d made her appointment? She sighed in relief. His nice gesture had solved that problem. She had no idea which salon in Canton was LaRae’s usual. “Thanks, Jass.” Laurie swallowed and sipped her coffee. She ate the toast Agnes set in front of her, but didn’t taste it. Jass drove her to the salon, where she made careful note of her friendly stylist’s name, Nell. There was only one bad moment, when the stylist commented, "You had your hair cut somewhere else!" in an accusative tone. Yikes! Evidently Nell liked to be in control! "Yes, when I was visiting my sister in California," she said. "The style's not too different, is it?" "No," Nell agreed. Before leaving, Laurie tucked one of the salon’s business cards in her purse so she'd have the phone number. Home again and feeling much better after a shampoo and manicure, Laurie rested. A neighbor dropped Susie off after kindergarten, then they all ate lunch and prepared to leave for the funeral.

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Chapter 5 Getting through the service was an ordeal for Laurie. When they stopped beside the coffin to view LaRae’s body for the last time, Laurie clung tightly to Jass’ hand for support. Her throat tightened and she caught her breath sharply. Laurie felt very guilty at this moment, for allowing Jass to think he was burying his sister-in-law instead of his own wife. Susie should be grieving for her mother, not her barely known aunt. But LaRae’s angry words popped into her mind. I’m filing for a divorce. I’m through putting up with being the good wife and mother and I’ve had it with the guilt trips. I’ve hinted about getting my freedom before, and Jass said I’d be hurting Susie. She’s so little, she’ll recover in no time anyway. Laurie remembered her promise to Emy to protect Susie. She swallowed and looked down at the little girl, who clung to both her and Jass’ hands, her eyes wide. No, she couldn’t tell them until she was sure that Susie was safe. But how was she going to know when that time came? Pastor Luke was a warm hearted, enthusiastic man, and conducted a lovely service, first in the chapel, then in the main sanctuary. He wore his clerical robe with dignity, and was treated with respect by the people. Laurie took an instant liking to him and took comfort from his calm and sympathetic words and manner. Everyone else seemed to have heard about the accident

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as well, and Laurie found herself remembering how efficient a small-town grapevine was. She felt so numb, it was easy to deal with people by smiling and thanking them for coming without using their names. Somehow, she got through the services and at last stood at the grave holding Jass’ hand as her sister’s coffin was carried to its final resting-place. They each took a yellow rose from the bouquet on the coffin, slowly walked back to their car, and returned to the church for the traditional coffee hour. Laurie numbly went through the motions of talking to various people. She hugged Aunt Martha and tried to comfort her. She sat beside the frail old lady as they greeted the townspeople. Her cousin, Jim, a blond young man now, soon came to take Aunt Martha home. As the crowd thinned, Jass came to take her arm. “I’m ready to go, aren’t you?” he asked gently. She nodded and allowed him to guide her back to their car. Susie fell asleep in the back seat, and neither of them had much to say on the return trip. Emotional and physical exhaustion overcame her. When they arrived home, Jass turned Susie over to Diane and walked Laurie to her bedroom and helped her take off her dress. He pulled back the covers and gently urged her inside. “Try to rest now, LaRae,” he said. She was only too happy to obey, and curled up into a ball. He leaned down to smooth back her hair and place a gentle kiss on her brow. She smiled at him, again feeling a sharp pang of guilt for deceiving him. She closed her eyes against the love in his eyes. He was going to hate her when he found out the truth. What a fool she was! He’d never be able to forgive her for doing this.

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Hours later, she was aware of Jass looking in on her. Then Agnes brought her a tray for supper. She downed some of it, and immediately fell back to sleep. By the next morning she felt stronger. When she came down to breakfast Jass and Susie were already eating, and apparently ready for work and school. She greeted them and smiled at Agnes, again requesting a light breakfast. Agnes frowned, but nodded agreement. Agnes might as well get used to that change, Laurie thought, since there was no way she was going to switch to eating bacon and eggs for breakfast. Laurie knew she needed to get into the swing of things here. She didn't like not knowing her new family’s schedule or LaRae’s usual routine. Somehow she needed to take charge of her new life. Maybe Aunt Martha would be willing to talk a while. She needed to talk to someone, and even if she couldn’t confide the truth to Martha, surely Martha would inadvertently fill her in on many details of LaRae’s daily life. In spite of her advanced years, Martha was a lively conversationalist. And she might welcome some company today, since Martha's son, Jim, had said he was leaving last night. Laurie’s stomach turned over at the idea of getting behind the wheel after her accident, but she knew she must do it sooner or later. Sooner was better. She drank her coffee for strength, then looked across the table at Jass, willing him to look at her instead of the newspaper he was reading. “I’ll drive over to see Aunt Martha today if you don’t mind,” she said, wondering how she could find out which car was LaRae’s. Silly, she told herself. He’ll take his, so the one that’s left is yours. But where are the keys? Surely they did

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have two cars, didn’t they? Everything about the house spoke of money being spent freely. Jass looked up and frowned. “You can’t drive with one arm in a cast, LaRae.” Laurie felt an unreasonable anger at his attitude. She gave a short laugh to cover it, and said, “Of course I can. My dad used to drive with only one finger on the wheel!” “LaRae, you just had one accident for cripe’s sake! It’s not safe. I’ll take you to see Martha tonight after dinner. Then Susie and I can go too. Susie loves to go there, and Martha looks forward to her visits.” She couldn’t argue with his logic, and felt a warm thrill of anticipation at the idea of going somewhere with him and Susie as a family. Smiling, she agreed, “All right.” “Oh, goody. Thanks, Mommy.” Susie clapped her hands and tossed her a bright smile. Jass added, “Besides, you have all those sympathy notes to answer, remember? That’ll keep you busy for hours today. I left them on your desk. They’ve been coming every day since the accident, but I really didn’t have time to answer. You’re so much better at those things than I am.” The knot in her stomach tightened. How would she know who half of those people were? Would she be able to find all their addresses? Then she remembered the sympathy notes were for her, they were from her own friends and family. She, Laurie, was the one supposedly dead. It would be easier for her to do it than it would have been for LaRae! “Yes, of course. I’ll do them, Jass.” Susie stood beside Jass, bouncing a bit, and pulling at his sleeve. “You ready, Daddy? We’re gonna be late.” “Sure, sweetheart. Get your jacket and school bag.”

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Susie laughed. “It’s a backpack, Daddy, not a school bag!” She ran back up the stairs to her bedroom. Jass got up, came around the table, and bent down to kiss Laurie good-bye. Laurie was sure he meant it to be just a peck, but she rose to meet him and made it a real kiss, murmuring, “I missed you.” “I missed you too, Honey. Don’t forget to call Cathy, okay? She was pretty shook up over the fire the other night. She could use a little cheering up.” Laurie felt a rush of panic. Who was Cathy? “Uh, sure. But, I . . .uh, I think I’ve forgotten her number.” “Forgotten it? But you call her almost every day!” “I’m sorry, Jass. Lots of things seem to have slipped my memory since the accident. Could you write it down for me?” Susie was back, tugging on his sleeve. “Come on, Daddy!” “I’ve got to go. It’s in the book, LaRae.” Feeling deserted, she watched them walk out hand in hand. Sure it was in the book. But you had to know their name to look them up. They wouldn’t be listed as Cathy and Cindy! She felt useless, since Agnes obviously neither expected nor needed her help, so Laurie went back to her bedroom. Her room was spacious and beautifully furnished, in soft blues with white frilly Priscilla curtains. A white quilted bedspread decorated with roses and matching pillow shams provided color and contrast. Along one wall stood a large oak desk and matching oak floor to ceiling bookshelves half-filled with a large assortment

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of hard and soft-cover books. She walked over to them, pleased to see there would be room for some of her own books, which she wanted to save. Checking the titles, she saw that many of LaRae’s interests matched her own, although LaRae’s collection far exceeded hers. Certainly if she got bored, there was plenty of interest to read here. A soft blue easy chair by the window invited her to curl up in it. A matching slim-line telephone sat on the rose-skirted end table beside it. But Laurie was in no mood to read a book. She desperately needed to learn the details of LaRae’s life, and her sister’s desk seemed a good place to start. Sliding up the roll-top, she surveyed the desk's contents. Each cubbyhole held stacks of stationery, envelopes, boxes of greeting cards, an assortment of postcards, stamps and various other supplies, all neatly sorted. All were blank and ready to use, but gave her little information. A pile of opened mail, probably the sympathy cards and letters Jass had asked her to answer, lay to one side. Jass had evidently read them, then placed them there for her. She’d deal with them later. Intent on her mission, she continued to search through her sister’s things. She opened the top drawer, discovering an assortment of pens, pencils, paper clips and other small items, which also told her nothing. The next drawer yielded more. She found LaRae’s checkbook and address book. Carrying them to the soft chair, she curled up and began studying them. Here at last were some of the details she needed; where LaRae shopped and whom she knew. Luckily, LaRae had been as meticulous about writing memos on

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checks as she herself was. Checks to some places like department, drug, and grocery stores were self-explanatory. Other names of places meant nothing to her until she read the memos and figured out that they were restaurants or theaters. The address book held many names Laurie knew: their own cousins, some more distant relatives, and a few mutual acquaintances from the past. There were entries of people with the last name of Markham, whom she assumed were members of Jass’s family. Many of the names were new to her, and she had no clue to whether they were Jass’s relatives, his business acquaintances, or his and LaRae’s friends. She read through the book slowly, trying to memorize each new name. She jumped when the phone rang at her elbow. Should she answer it? Or was Agnes supposed to do that? She took a chance and picked it up. “Hello?” “Hi there! You’re home! How’re you doing?” Panic closed her throat. The woman on the phone obviously expected her to recognize her voice. Who was she? Trying to keep a casually friendly note in her voice, she answered, “Yes, I’m home. I got in night before last. I’m doing fine. How’re you?” If I can keep the woman talking, maybe I can figure out who she is. The woman gave a long ragged sigh, and said, “All right, I guess, considering the house stinks of smoke, and I was too upset to sleep a wink the last two nights.” Ah! It’s Cathy. Laurie sighed in relief. Now she wouldn’t have to try to figure out how to call her. She murmured a sympathetic reply. After that, all she had to do was listen. Cathy talked amile-a-minute, giving her all the details of the fire, from the minute they’d first smelled smoke until the fire was out. “But I

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kept getting up during the night,” she complained, “checking to make sure the fire hadn’t started up again. I’d smell the smoke and think it must have revived. It was awful, LaRae.” “I’m sure it must have been,” Laurie sympathized. “How did Cindy take it?” “She seems fine. Why?” “I thought perhaps she’d be upset, since Susie was. When Jass left, Susie said she was afraid he’d be hurt like Davie’s daddy.” “Oh. Well, you know Cindy wouldn’t know about that. Harold’s accident happened before we moved here.” Laurie gasped in dismay, then said lamely, “Of course. But I thought she might have heard about it from the other kids.” Cathy made no reply, and Laurie cast about for a suitable change of topic, but could think of nothing. Cathy saved the day. “I’m so sorry I missed your sister’s funeral. I heard that Pastor Luke gave a nice sermon,” she said. “I’m sorry you weren’t able to be there, “ Laurie said. “I’m sure La . . ., ah, Laurie was pleased so many people came to pay their respects.” Another shocked silence, then Cathy blurted, “LaRae, she’s dead. How can Laurie be pleased about anything?” Laurie started and swallowed. Where had that thought come from? But she was suddenly sure wherever LaRae was, she did know and approve of it. “I . . . I don’t know. But somehow, I feel she knows.” Cathy laughed, sounding nervous. “For Pete’s sake, LaRae, now you sound like my mother. And you hardly ever go to church.” The comment irritated Laurie, and she said impetuously,

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“What does going to church have to do with what I believe?” Cathy gave another nervous laugh. “I don’t know. I guess I just assumed that’s where my mother got those ideas.” Laurie said nothing. Suddenly she felt embarrassed at having voiced such a personal opinion to some stranger on the phone. To fill the silence she asked, “Will you have a lot of clean-up to do after the fire?” “Not much, considering,” Cathy said in a relieved tone. “Thanks to the guys’ fast work, the fire never got to the house, so we don’t even have much smoke damage in here. It’s amazing how strong the smoke smell is, though. I have all the windows open, even though it can’t be more than fifty degrees outside.” “Will you rebuild?” “Oh, sure. As soon as the insurance guy gets done with his pictures and report, Warren will have the bulldozers here cleaning up, maybe tomorrow.” “Really? So soon?” “That’s one of the advantages of owning your own business. You can do your own first and make the other guy wait,” Cathy said with a laugh. “I’d better go. I’ll see you at Jeff and Denise’s party Saturday night.” Laurie’s throat tightened. Cathy’s tone of voice made it obvious that she was supposed to know what Cathy meant. “Party?” “You haven’t forgotten it’s Denise’s birthday? You agreed to bake and decorate the cake, remember?” “Oh.” Bake and decorate a birthday cake? I can’t even cook breakfast! Thank goodness for her broken arm! “My memory’s been pretty bad since the accident.” “Really?” Cathy sounded concerned.

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“Yes. I hope you understand that I can’t bake and decorate with my arm in a cast. I’ll just have to pick one up at the bakery instead.” “Bakery? No, no, LaRae,” Cathy said with a laugh. “I can tell you always bake your own. Get it at the grocery store, their baker’s cakes taste better. But you’d better order it ahead. Harry gets crabby if you don’t.” That was another thing LaRae would have known. “Sure. Bye, Cathy.” Laurie hung up. Her heart was pounding, and she felt wrung out. She assumed Jass knew this Jeff and Denise, and where to go for the party. It was obviously just a friendly get-together, and not the kind of party to which they were sent a formal invitation. But the problem was going to be knowing how to act. A soft knock at the door interrupted her thoughts. “Come in.” Agnes stepped in pulling a vacuum cleaner. “I’ll just tidy up in here, Ma’am.” She stopped and threw Laurie a startled glance. “Oh. You already made your bed! What’s got into you and Jass today? He made his bed today, too.” What an odd thing to say. Why would Agnes think Jass had made his bed? “I made the beds, Agnes. I may have one arm in a cast, but I can still do a few things.” Agnes sent her a strange look and replied, “Yes’m.” “If you’re going to vacuum in here, I’ll go for a walk.” She went to the closet and rummaged on the floor. Didn’t LaRae have a pair of walking shoes? “What are you looking for?” She turned back to Agnes. “My sneakers. I can’t walk around the lake in these slippers.” Agnes pushed up her dark-framed glasses and frowned. “They’re in the hall closet by the side door, where they always

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are, LaRae.” “Oh, of course,” she said, flushing with embarrassment. “My memory’s not so good. It’s from the accident, you know.” she fudged. “I see.” Agnes looked doubtful, but nodded and turned back to her work. Leaving the hum of the vacuum cleaner behind, Laurie walked down the hall. The kitchen phone rang before she reached the side door. Knowing Agnes wouldn’t hear it with the vacuum running, she answered it, her heart skipping a beat when she heard Jass’s deep voice. “Everything okay, Honey?” “Of course. Agnes is vacuuming my room, so I was about to go for a walk.” “Did you remember to call Cathy?” “Yes, I talked to her.” Well, I did. No need to tell him that she saved my neck by calling first. “She seems to be doing okay, considering.” “That’s good. I’m taking off a bit early. Could you tell Agnes to plan dinner for five o’clock instead of six?” “Sure. By the way, Cathy reminded me of Jeff and Denise’s party Saturday night to celebrate her birthday. Did you know about it?” “How could I forget? I believe you mentioned it a time or two, LaRae,” he teased. Laurie decided to ignore it. “Well, anyway, since I’m supposed to bring the birthday cake, and can’t bake one with this arm in a cast, I thought I’d order it from the grocery store. Cathy says their cakes are the best. Okay?” “Suits me, LaRae. Whatever you want.” Damn the man! I need to know how to do that! “I can’t very well go there to pay for it, Jass, since you told me not to

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drive.” And I don’t even know if I have a car, damn it! She heard a heavy sigh over the wire. “Just call in the order to the grocery store and have them put it on your household account. Either Agnes or I will pick it up Saturday afternoon, okay?” “Okay.” So, I have a charge account at the grocery store. Now all I have to do is figure out which store. It had to be Canton’s Foods since that was the one LaRae had written checks to most often. “Do you want me to pick up anything before I come home tonight?” She hesitated. Dare she ask for flowers for her sister’s grave? Why not? She could easily imagine LaRae doing the same for her. “Could we stop at the cemetery for a few minutes on the way to Aunt Martha’s tonight? It’s not out of the way, is it?” “Of course. No, it’s right on the way. But we’ll have Susie with us. Don’t you think she’s too young?” Too young? How young is too young to visit your own mother’s grave? But, of course, they thought it was only her aunt Laurie’s grave, and Laurie was someone they’d hardly known. “Of course not. Children need to accept death as a natural part of life. Would you pick up a bouquet for me to leave at the cemetery?” “Sure.” “I’ll see you about five then.” She hung up with a sigh of relief. Had she handled that all right? Would LaRae have done it differently? Rummaging in the hall closet, she found LaRae’s shoes and slipped them on. She grabbed a jacket from the peg in the hall, and strode out into the sunshine. The fresh cool breeze that greeted her smelled of wet

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earth and pine needles. Ah, the delicious smell of spring in Minnesota. At last she felt back home. She breathed deeply of the clean air, then took off at a brisk pace, following the blacktop road along the lake. Each section of lakeshore seemed to be a family’s private property here, since often as not, there was a fence between houses. Some yards were neat as a pin, and lined with shrubs or flowerbeds, other yards were scraggly and unkempt. Some had swing-sets and toys scattered about. Obviously the neighborhood had a mixture of young and old residents. A mailbox stood at the end of each driveway, bespeaking rural mail delivery. How often? When did the mailman come? Did LaRae walk out to the mailbox to get the mail each day? Or did Agnes do it? As she walked past, she surreptitiously studied the names on the mailboxes near her new home, so that she would recognize her neighbors’ names when she met them. There was so much to remember if she was going to succeed in passing herself off as LaRae. She walked along, enjoying the beautiful day and thinking of her sister. Again, the awful images of the crash sped through her mind, and the awful time in the hospital when she’d learned of her sister’s death. How she wished it could have been otherwise, but she had to come to terms with losing her twin. Susie and Jass didn’t deserve to lose LaRae, either. Out of the blue an odd thought popped into her mind. Oh, God, was she also cheating LaRae of being mourned by her husband and daughter? What if LaRae could see her now, and know what she was up to? Would she laugh and cheer her on as they’d done as teens? Or would she be angry and

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jealous? After all, LaRae had kept Jass away from her as soon as she realized that Laurie was attracted to him too, hadn’t she? On the other hand, LaRae had said she wanted a divorce. Did Jass know that? Was that what he’d meant when he’d said, I was afraid you weren’t coming back? Or hadn’t LaRae told him? Ye gods, what a mess I’ve made of things, she thought, turning back toward the house. As she rounded a large evergreen tree and walked into her backyard, she almost ran into a large, middle-aged man dressed in a baseball cap and blue coveralls. Laurie stopped, a scream rising from her throat. She stood stock-still as the man drew back in surprise. Without thinking, she gasped, “Wh . . . who are you?” The man stared at her, shock written on his face. She groaned. Another goof. Obviously he was someone she was supposed to know. Then he touched his cap and said, “Morning, Miss LaRae. Sorry if I scared you. Nice to see you back.” Laurie swallowed, and stammered, “Thank you. I’m sorry. I mean, gosh, you startled me. I’m glad to be back.” Agnes came flying from the side door, asking, “What’s all the noise about, George? What’s the matter?” Her heart pounding, Laurie turned to Agnes. George? Agnes knew this man, so he was obviously no intruder. Swallowing, she murmured, “Nothing, Agnes. I . . . I just didn’t recognize him for a minute. I’m sorry to upset everyone. My memory . . .” She eased past the man and walked quickly into the house. Agnes stared at the gardener, her eyes narrowing. “What gives, George? You make a pass at her or something?”

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“Of course not! Good Lord, woman, you think I’m that dumb? Mr. Markham would fire me so quick!” He snapped a callused thumb and forefinger together. Her hands akimbo on her ample hips, Agnes scowled at him. “And I’d have your hide as well. You’re my man, and don’t you forget it!” “I wouldn’t forget, Woman. Besides, nobody makes a pot roast like you do. And you know it.” “Humph. That’s all you think of, your stomach.” George took off his cap and ran thick fingers through his sandy hair. “Funny, though. She looked right at me. I could have sworn she didn’t have an inkling who the heck I was.” Agnes nodded. “Maybe she didn’t. She says the accident took away some of her memory.” “That so? Hmmm. Mebbe so. I’ve heard of that happening to people. By the way, isn’t it about time for lunch? Here’s Harold with Susie.” A new red pick-up truck stopped in their driveway. George waved to the tall, slim man driving it. Susie jumped out and turned to wave at the boy and girl in the pick-up. “Bye, Davie and Cindy. Hi, George and Agnes.” Susie skipped up the sidewalk and took Agnes’ hand. They went into the house. “Wash your hands, Honey, and go tell your mom lunch is ready.”

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Chapter 6 Laurie kicked off her shoes and stretched out on her bed, trying to calm her shaking hands and pounding heart. She had to get hold of herself. Why had she become so frightened? That man, George, Agnes had called him, hadn’t been doing anything to threaten her, yet she’d been unable to stop the scream. She shuddered, remembering the fear rushing through her. It was those stupid nightmares she’d been having. There was always a large, repulsive man in them, threatening Susie, like Emy had said. Had she really talked to Emy? What was reality? She pressed her fingers to her temples, trying to ease the painful tension throbbing there. “Mommy? Agnes says lunch is ready.” “Oh, you’re home?” Laurie sat up and smoothed her hair. “I got a ride with Davie’s daddy. Didn’t you hear us come in?” “No.” Laurie slipped her feet into her slippers. “Harold was at the fire at Cindy’s place, too, Mommy. But he didn’t get burneded this time.” “Burned, not burneded,” Laurie corrected automatically. “That’s good. Who’s Harold?” she asked cautiously.

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Susie giggled and looked at her, tipping her head to see if she were playing games. “Silly Mommy. You know that Harold is Davie’s daddy.” Laurie swallowed. Cathy had told her that this morning, of course. She had to get these people’s names memorized. She looked at Susie and said cautiously, “The car accident took away some of my memory, Susie. That’s why I forget some stuff. Will you help me remember when I forget?” “Sure, Mommy.” Susie’s face grew serious, her eyes were wide with wonder. Laurie took Susie’s hand. “It embarrasses me to forget, though, Honey, so it’ll be just our little secret, okay?” Did she dare trust a five-year-old? “Sure, Mommy. Like a game, huh?” “Yes. A fun game.” A game with very high stakes. If Jass realized who she was, she’d be out on her ear, and he’d probably never speak to her again. This had to work. But perhaps Susie’s chatter could yield a wealth of information and save her some embarrassment. Besides, she loved to listen to Susie. She was the sweetest bundle of energy Laurie’d ever met. All through lunch Susie chattered about kindergarten. Agnes was solicitous and said nothing about her earlier failure to recognize George. Laurie told her Jass would be home early for dinner, and Agnes merely nodded. Apparently his request was not unusual. Did he keep irregular hours? What happened now? Where was the nanny? Did a five-year-old still take a nap? Laurie decided one was in order today, anyway. But when she suggested it, Susie objected, “I’m big, now. I don’t take a nap anymore.” “We’re going to Aunt Martha’s house tonight, remember?"

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Susie looked questioningly at her, as though wondering what Aunt Martha had to do with taking a nap. "So, you’d better take a nap today, or you'll be tired tonight. How about a little rest on my bed, and a story to start with?” "Okay, Mommy." As they walked down the hall, George came in the kitchen door to eat lunch with Agnes. He watched them out of sight, then asked, “Did she say anything more?” Agnes shook her head. “Not another word. LaRae’s sure acting strange, though. I’ve never seen her pay that much attention to Susie before. She’s letting Susie nap on her own bed, when she usually tells her to keep off of it, because she might get dirt on the bedspread. And she told Susie she’d read her a story, too.” “Well, that’s great. Susie needs the attention. Goodness knows she’s had little enough from her mother until now.” “Maybe something good will come from that accident after all. Maybe losing her sister made her think a bit. You know there’s always a silver lining in every cloud, George.” “There you go with those old sayings again, Woman. Come on, let’s eat. I’m starved.” Jass pulled into the driveway right on time. He dreaded the evening ahead. LaRae always hated making her ‘duty calls’ on Aunt Martha, and the evening usually ended on a sour note. He hoped it wouldn’t tonight, just for once. Walking through the side door into the kitchen, he was pleased to see Agnes had dinner waiting. “Hi, Agnes. Mmm, smells great! Do I smell stuffing?”

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“Stuffed pork chops. Your favorite,” she told him with a grin. He hung up his jacket in the hall closet. “I thought so. You’re a real gem, Agnes.” “I know. And don’t you forget it!” Agnes returned sassily. “Where is everybody?” “Diane hasn’t come back from her university class yet. LaRae’s in her room, and Susie’s in the family room watching TV.” “Oops. Sorry, I forgot to tell you. I talked to LaRae, and it slipped my mind. I told Diane she could have the night off, because we’ll be taking Susie with us tonight. Diane said she had a date, would be home late, and to tell you not to save supper for her. Was Susie a bother to you?” “No, I’ve hardly seen her. She’s been with LaRae all afternoon.” “Really?” That was a switch. Usually, LaRae acted like she didn’t know what to do with the kid. “I’ll get her.” He walked down the hall to her bedroom and stopped at the open door. She was sitting cross-legged on the bed, with open photo albums spread around her, apparently absorbed in looking at the pictures. Man, but she was beautiful! “Hi, LaRae. Dinner’s ready.” He walked in and leaned over to give her a quick kiss. “Jass! You’re home.” Her face lit up in a welcoming smile. She slid to the edge of the bed and stood up to put her free arm around his neck, trying to get as close as possible with the cast between them. She opened her lips to welcome his kiss. After a moment of surprise, Jass wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss to give her the heated

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response she was begging for. He grew hard with desire. He eased her down on the bed and covered her body with his. “Damn cast!” he murmured against her mouth. "How long before it comes off?” “Just a couple more weeks.” He slid his hand under her blouse and cupped her full breast, then teased her erect nipple with his thumb. She was aroused and ready, too. God, he wanted to take her right this minute, just as she obviously wanted him to. “LaRae!” He pulled back and drew a ragged breath. “Hmmm?“ Her tongue teased his lower lip and she tried to resume the heated kiss. “Agnes has dinner waiting. We’ll have to finish this later.” He pulled away and helped her slide off the bed. She turned away with a disappointed look on her face. “Where’s Susie?” “Watching television. Sorry I forgot to tell you I gave Diane the night off. She said a date was picking her up after her University class to go to a party. Was Susie any trouble?” “Trouble?” She glanced at him as she awkwardly bent to put on her shoes. Why would her own daughter be trouble? “Of course not.” “Here, let me help.” Jass stooped down and slid first one shoe on for her, then the other. He had to have a couple of minutes to hide his erection, or Susie or Agnes might notice. Man, but she’d managed to rouse him! Come to think of it, it had been weeks since they’d made love. Way before she’d left for California, in fact. She’d obviously forgiven him for their quarrel, he thought with relief. She hadn’t mentioned her threat of a divorce again, either. Maybe she hadn’t really meant that, only said it in the heat of anger. She certainly wasn’t acting like she wanted a divorce now.

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Too bad they’d planned to go to Martha’s house tonight. He could think of better things to do with the evening right here in her bed. “Thanks, Jass.” Her warm smile did nothing to help him cool down. Inwardly groaning, he rose, took her arm and they walked down the hall to the family room to find Susie. After dinner, they got in the car for the trip to Aunt Martha’s house. Jass was pleased when LaRae exclaimed over the spray of red roses he’d chosen for her sister’s grave. “They’re lovely, Jass. Thank you. It was sweet of you to get them, when there will probably still be some from yesterday.” She sent him a grateful smile, and picked them up. “I thought you might want to put some on your parents’ graves as well.” “Good idea.” She held them to her nose and breathed in their delicate scent, then put them down on her lap. “What are the flowers for, Daddy?” “They’re for your Aunt Laurie’s grave and your Grandpa and Grandma Johnson’s graves. We’ll stop at the cemetery on the way to your Great Aunt Martha’s,” Jass said. At the cemetery he parked as near as the road allowed, and they walked over to Laurie’s grave. He and Susie hung back. He watched her bend to place the fresh red roses on the grave. She stepped back to stare at the mound of freshly turned black dirt. The large spray of flowers from the funeral was beginning to wilt. He wanted to comfort her but knew she needed this time alone at her twin’s gravesite. He stood still, swallowing his own tears. Even though they’d seen little of Laurie, he was beginning to understand how strong the bond had been between the twins. LaRae had

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told him that she’d always felt they were two halves of a whole. Now he was beginning to believe it. He could see how painful it was for her to lose her other half. He felt like a heel for having blamed her for the accident and vowed to try to make it up to her. The police accident report hadn’t blamed her, so why should he? Susie watched her, too, silent and curious, her hand tightly clutching his. A moment later, LaRae had moved away from the grave. She placed the rest of the roses on her parents’ graves, and stood there for a long moment. She had to wipe away tears to read the inscription on the headstone. Then she walked across the cemetery in purposeful strides. Jass followed, wondering who else she’d known who was buried here. She seemed to know exactly where she was going. Susie tugged at his hand and he slowed down to accommodate her short legs. “Where’s Mommy going?” “I don’t know, Sweetheart. Let’s go see.” She clung to his hand as they walked across the cemetery. “I don’t like it here, Daddy. I’m cold. Let’s go to Aunt Martha’s now.” He realized the wind had picked up and dark clouds were piling up on the western horizon. The beautiful red sunset they had admired earlier was now hidden. “We’ll go in just a minute, Sweetheart.” Ahead, LaRae stopped at a grave in the last row, and was reading the inscription on a small granite footstone. They caught up with her and Jass read it aloud. “Emy Trenton 1969-1974. Oh, Man. She was only five years old!” He felt confused. LaRae had never mentioned an Emy before. Who was she? “Someone you knew?” he asked gently,

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slipping an arm around her waist. LaRae nodded. “A childhood playmate. She died when we were five.” “An accident?” “No.” She shook her head and roused herself, glancing at him and giving a meaningful shake of her head toward Susie. “Let’s go. Aunt Martha will be wondering what’s keeping us.” Very strange, he thought as they walked back to the car. But he understood LaRae didn’t want to tell him how Emy had died in front of Susie. It was best to go with the flow for now, and not upset Susie. He’d find out what this was all about later. “Oh, Susie, you’re shivering,” Laurie exclaimed as they waited for Jass to unlock the Mercedes for them. “Sit up here by the heater. We’ll get you warm in a jiffy.” “LaRae,” Jass objected. “This car has bucket seats, and it’ll be uncomfortable for both of you with your arm in that cast.” “Nonsense," Laurie said, buckling Susie in. She reached for the lap robe from the back and tucked it around her. "She needs to get warm. I’ll sit in the back.” She got into the back seat and closed the door. Jass tightened his lips and got behind the wheel. "I feel like a chauffeur with you sitting in the back seat." As he started the engine, Laurie reached forward and put her hand on his arm, causing him to turn back to look at her. She said quietly, “Jass, humor us, okay?” He met her gaze, finding it hard to ignore the pleading look in her eyes. He felt a smile curve his lips. The warm sizzle that sailed through him at her touch didn’t help him keep his resolve, either.

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“I’m getting warm now, Daddy,” Susie offered, adding her most winning smile to Laurie’s words. Laurie said, “It’s only a few miles to Aunt Martha’s house.” Her face held such a sincere, beseeching look that he relented. “Okay, LaRae. You win.” A crease formed between her blond brows. “It’s not about winning, Jass. It’s about keeping Susie well.” He concentrated on the darkening road, thinking. What was it with LaRae lately? She was being as protective as a mother hen. Had losing her sister suddenly made her realize how precious her daughter was? Talk about silver linings! Glancing at her in his rear view mirror, he saw that she sat with her eyes closed, her head lying back against the seat. A lump formed in his throat. LaRae was suddenly acting like the loving mother he’d always hoped she would become. She’d accused him of being extra-cautious since her accident, but she was the one whose attitude had changed. Would it last? A few minutes later he pulled up in front of Martha’s beautiful two-story frame house. Laurie gazed at her aunt’s house lovingly. She hadn’t been here for a couple of years, but it looked just the same. The clapboard house was painted gray, trimmed neatly in white. Two white pillars framed the doorway, giving the Georgian style house a slightly southern air. The mixture suited it and Aunt Martha, too. She remembered playing here as a child. There had been a swing set out in back, where she’d played with a couple of tow-headed cousins. Her memories here went back a long way. “We’re here,” Laurie said, rousing Susie who’d almost

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fallen asleep. Now that they were here, she was suddenly nervous, and felt her heart pound in her chest. Martha knew them so well. She and her aunt had little opportunity to talk at the funeral, but now they had hours to talk. Would Martha know she wasn’t LaRae? If so, what would she say? How would Jass take the revelation? Oh, God, why had she done this? Martha appeared at the door as they walked up the flagstone walk to meet her. Laurie’s eyes searched the whitehaired lady for signs of poor health, but could find none. There was a happy, welcoming smile on Martha’s thin, wrinkled face. Susie ran ahead and was swept into Martha’s arms in a big hug. Laurie and Jass followed, smiling at the sight. She kissed Martha and they hugged. Martha felt thinner, and seemed to be shrinking in height, too. She’s getting so old and feeble, Laurie thought sadly. Soon I’ll lose her, too. She shook herself, pushing that thought away as she remembered that she was supposed to be cheering up Aunt Martha, not making her sad. “Your daffodils are up already, Martha,” Laurie exclaimed, pointing to the wide green blades poking up through the black dirt in the flowerbeds next to the house. “Yes, and the purple crocuses have already bloomed,” Martha replied with pride in her voice. “That means spring has officially arrived in Minnesota.” Laurie laughed. “You say that every spring, Aunt Martha.” “Come in, come in, the wind is cold tonight,” Martha said, leading the way into her cheery home. She seems as spry and energetic as usual, Laurie

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thought, relief sliding down her insides. “Let me take your coats.” “I’ll do it, Martha,” Jass put in. He stopped in the front hall to suit action to his words. He helped Susie take off her coat and she followed Martha into the kitchen. Jass turned to help Laurie. He smiled at her as he took her coat, and heat sizzled along her veins near his hand on her arm. She returned his smile, and swallowed as her heartbeat sped up. Was he warming toward her? Laurie watched him open the hall closet and hang the coats on hangars. The thoughtful gesture pleased her. He obviously liked Martha, and she could see by Martha’s pleased smile the feeling was mutual. She followed him into the kitchen and they joined Martha and Susie. “Does that arm still hurt?” Martha asked, eyeing her cast. “Not much. It’s really much better.” “Can hardly see any scar on your face, either,” Martha said, leaning closer for a better look at her. “Just a little pink line. That’s good.” “Yes. It hardly shows at all,” Laurie agreed with a smile. “I was lucky a good plastic surgeon was there to repair it. I cover the scar with some make-up to hide it. The doctor says it will fade more with time.” “I always hated to get scars where they showed. ‘Course, I never had many, or ever broke any bones, myself, you understand. I was lucky that way.” “Yes, you certainly were.” Laurie sighed in relief that Aunt Martha was accepting her as LaRae. “Sit down, sit down,” she said, waving at the canebacked wooden chairs. “I’ll get you some milk, Susie. I made some chocolate chip cookies for you, too.”

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“Oh, goody!” Susie exclaimed, clapping her hands exuberantly at the mention of her favorite treat. Martha’s kitchen was painted a soft yellow, including the wall of cupboards. Red and yellow roses printed on the cotton curtains and tablecloth accented it. Martha turned on the burner under the teakettle, then opened the glass doors of her cupboard and took down cups and saucers, bringing them to the table and setting them down. “Can I help?” Laurie asked, taking one saucer and cup at a time in her left hand and arranging them on the table. She watched the old lady bustle about, putting cookies on a plate. Her heart ached for the amount of change in her aunt. It was obvious that LaRae’s death had been a blow to her. Laurie vowed to do everything possible to make her remaining time as happy as possible. “There’s nothing to do,” Martha said, ducking her head in the refrigerator for the milk. “It’ll just take a minute for the water to heat, and we’ll have our tea.” Laurie walked over to the counter and found some napkins, then arranged them next to the place settings on the table. A tiny vase of purple crocuses decorated the center of the table. Laurie leaned down to sniff them, then sat down at the table. Martha looked at her a bit strangely, then poured the water onto the tea and brought it to the table. As she poured, Susie kept up a running account of happenings, telling Martha about kindergarten, the neighbor’s fire, going to the cemetery and how many times Mommy had read Green Eggs and Ham to her. Laurie noticed Jass listened to his daughter with an

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indulgent smile on his lips, and a look of pride on his face. It was obvious to her he loved Susie very much. Somehow the fact made Laurie’s heart warm toward him even more, if that were possible. Jass was everything she’d ever wanted in a man and she knew she was falling in love with him. She felt as if she’d never been so lucky in her life. If only she could make it all last, life would be perfect. Martha asked about her hospitalization in California, and, even though they’d already discussed it on the phone, Laurie told her about it again. Laurie wondered if she was getting a bit forgetful, or just wanted to hear about it in person. It was hard to know. “You’re going back soon to settle all Laurie’s business in California, then?” Martha asked. “You won’t have to stay there long?” “No, I’m sure we can do it in a few days,” Laurie assured her. “I’ll call you as soon as we return.” She wondered why Martha was so worried about her returning to California to settle Laurie’s affairs. Surely that was a routine thing for people to do after a death. Martha looked at Jass for confirmation. He nodded, and added, “If not, I’m sure we can do the rest by mail.” “Good. More tea?” Laurie had half expected Jass to object to drinking the tea, since she’d never known a man who drank it. But he accepted it without a word, and ate three chocolate chip cookies, complimenting Martha on their excellence. “Oh, I can still do a few things right, even if I am going to be eighty next month,” Martha said with a sigh. “But it’s getting harder and harder to keep up this place. If it wasn’t for George, I’d have had to move into an apartment by now.” Laurie started, staring at Martha. George? Who was

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George? Wasn’t that the name of the man working at her own house today who had almost scared the life out of her? Jass smiled at Martha. “I’m glad George is a help to you, Martha. He’s indispensable to us, too. If there’s anything you need, just yell. We’re only a phone call away, you know.” So it was the same man. They shared the handyman. What else didn’t she know? “I know, Jass, and I appreciate it.” Martha sighed and looked at Laurie. “I don’t suppose you’re making Denise's birthday cake now, are you?” So, Martha knew Jeff and Denise, too. Laurie wondered if there were any pictures of this important couple in LaRae’s photo album. She must get time to go through it again, tomorrow. She shook her head. “No. I’ll just buy one for her this time.” “Too bad. When does Dr. Henry say that cast can come off?” Dr. Henry? Who is he? “I haven’t seen anyone here, yet,” she hedged. “The doctor in California said in about two weeks. I’ll still have to wear a support, then, but it’ll be more comfortable than the cast.” “Good. That should be in plenty of time. My birthday’s not until June thirtieth.” “Time?” Time for what? “For your arm to be healed, so you can bake me my birthday cake like you always do, of course.” “You bet she will,” Jass agreed, grinning confidently at Laurie. “You know she promised you a special party for your eightieth birthday. I’m sure her arm will be healed in time." "Good. I can taste that lemon filling and fluffy white boiled frosting already,” Martha said, smacking her lips. “I like the frosting, but not the lemon filling,” Susie put

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in, her mouth dipping in a pout. “Now Susie, you know the rules,” Martha put in firmly. “It’s my birthday so I get to choose the kind of cake. White cake with lemon filling is my favorite.” Yikes. Laurie swallowed and couldn’t say a word. She wanted to kick Jass to wipe the confident look off his face, but of course, she couldn’t. They thought she was LaRae, and LaRae was the baker in the family. Laurie couldn’t bake a lemon-filled cake to save her soul. Now what was she going to do?

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Chapter 7 Somehow she got through the rest of the evening. Jass insisted on warming up the car before they left, so Susie would be warm enough in the back seat. Laurie was pleased by his care for his daughter, and the compromise put them all in a happy mood for the return trip home. For now, Laurie pushed away the problem of Aunt Martha’s birthday cake. At home, Jass watched LaRae and Susie go upstairs hand in hand. Susie was already choosing the bedtime story she wanted, and they were chatting amiably. He wondered again at the delightful change in LaRae. Before, she’d seemed to resent the chore of settling Susie into bed, and usually left it entirely to the nanny. He had just stepped out of the shower when she came back downstairs. Looping a towel around his waist, he opened the door to admit her to their bathroom. “Your turn,” he told her, grinning and gesturing her inside with a wave of his arm. She stopped at her door and turned to stare at him. She hesitated, then swallowed and returned his smile. “I’ll get my nightgown.” He reached for her hand and drew her toward him, shaking his head. “What for? You know I’ll just take it off again. Come on, get in the shower. I left the water running.”

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“All right.” She came into the bathroom and closed the door. Pulling her into his arms, he nuzzled her neck with wet lips, then kissed her lips, pleased when she responded eagerly. “You’re all wet,” she giggled. “Is that so?” He unbuttoned her blouse and eased it off over her cast, then unsnapped her bra and slipped it off, sliding a hand down to cup her. He leaned down to kiss first one of her full breasts, then the other. She shuddered and gripped his hair, but didn’t push him away. Continuing to tease her nipples with his tongue, he unzipped her slacks and slid them and her white silk panties down. She sighed and stepped out of them, then pushed aside his towel so that they could enjoy the delicious sensation of rubbing naked skin together. He moved his hardened body in erotic circles against her, his hair tickling her bare skin. “Oh, that feels so nice,” she said with a soft groan. “I’ll help you shower, so you don’t get your cast wet.” Tossing aside the towel, he opened the glass door and took down the hand-held flexible nozzle. They moved into the large shower stall, and he began to soap and wash her gently, sliding soapy hands over her silky skin. She smoothed bubbles over her free hand and began to help him. He kissed her lips, ignoring the warm stream of water, and trailed kisses along her neck. He groaned in pleasure when her hand slid lower and closed over his erection, sliding back the foreskin to reveal and touch the sensitive tip. ”Jeez, LaRae, I’m going to lose control if you keep doing that!” “So?” She giggled and kissed him again, refusing to release him. “You’ll just have to repeat yourself.”

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“What’s gotten into you?” He swallowed and pulled away. “I’d better rinse off this soap.” “You don’t like it?” she pouted. “I love it. But I’d rather finish in bed. We’re also out of hot water, or hadn’t you noticed?” “All right.” She allowed him to rub her dry with a soft towel and did the same for him. “Your bed or mine?” he breathed as she excited him again toweling his leg. “For a one handed gal, you sure can manage to please a guy.” “Wait ‘til you see what I can do with two hands, then.” “I think I’ll take you out for the evening more often, if you come back this lively,” he said with a grin. Without waiting for her answer to his question about her choice of beds, he opened the door and guided her to her bed, pulling aside the covers and easing her down. She scooted over willingly, making room for him, then tipped her head up to meet his lips in a searing kiss. “I love you so much, Jass,” she told him. “I love you, too, Honey.” He joined her under the covers, reaching for her, letting his hands and lips roam as they would. “Mm, but you’re ready!” “Yes!” He groaned as her hands stroked him and, in turn, she welcomed his exploration of her soft mound. He rose above her and carefully entered her, trying not to put his weight on her arm between them as he began the age-old rhythm of pleasure. She moved with him, making little noises urging him on. He tipped his head to nuzzle her breast, and she arched and gasped. “Am I hurting you? Pressing on this hard cast, I mean?”

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he asked, hoping she’d deny it. “No. Don’t stop now!” she protested. He sighed with pleasure and covered her lips in a searing kiss as he resumed his movements. He felt her grip him as she cried out his name and a moment later he exploded in ecstasy. “Oh, Jass!” He cuddled down beside her, happily satisfied. He kissed her again and repeated, “I love you!” He closed his eyes. It had been a long time since he’d enjoyed sex so much. She’d responded like she had when they’d first been married. How long would her enthusiasm last this time? No matter, he’d enjoy it while he could. With one arm across her, he fell asleep. Laurie watched his eyes close, a soft breath escaping her lips. Their lovemaking had been so great. Better than she’d imagined in her dreams of him. He’d been so loving, so considerate of her needs. Her lips curved and her eyelids lowered as she relived each sensuous moment. Yikes! Her eyes flashed open again. They hadn’t used any protection! Had Jass assumed she was on the pill? Was she supposed to be? Or maybe she was supposed to be routinely using a diaphragm? She hadn’t been doing either! Why hadn’t he reminded her? She eased out of bed and padded to the bathroom, where she searched every nook and cranny for anything LaRae might have been using in the way of birth control pills or any contraceptive device. Finding nothing, she climbed back into bed. The most likely explanation was simple. They didn’t use protection because they wanted more children. The thought

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sent a thrill of pleasure through her. Jass was a wonderful father to Susie and obviously enjoyed children. So getting pregnant must be okay with him. She snuggled happily back under the covers and closed her eyes. Hours later Jass awoke to her screams. He sat up and snapped on the bedside lamp, dodging a thrashing arm. Her eyes were closed, but her mouth was open and she was crying, “Susie! Susie!” and still thrashing about. “What’s the matter? LaRae! Wake up!” “Wha . . . what?” Her hazel eyes flew open, wide and smoky-looking with sleep. She swallowed and stared at him, then her gaze swung around the room as though she were not sure where she was. “Oh. Jass.” He put his arm around her, smoothing her tangled blond hair with shaking fingers. “Were you having a nightmare?” She nodded, and leaned back against the pillow with a sigh. Wetting her lips, she nodded. “That’s all it was. Just a nightmare.” Still worried, he watched her rub the scar on her face and asked, “Was it about the accident?” “No.” She frowned. “Someone was hurting Susie. Jass,” she said, starting to get out of bed. “I’ve got to go upstairs and make sure Susie’s all right.” “LaRae,” he protested. “It was only a dream. She’s fine.” Laurie shook her head. Realizing she was still naked, she reached for her nightgown and struggled into it. “I have to know, Jass, or I’ll never get back to sleep.” He reached out to help her slide the nightgown over her cast. “I’ll go with you, then.” “All right.”

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They walked upstairs and found Susie sound asleep as he’d expected. "See? She's fine," he whispered. She nodded, straightened the covers around Susie, and they went quietly back downstairs. Was this fear another after-effect of LaRae’s accident? Or something else? He’d better make her an appointment with Dr. Henry in the morning. She was overdue for a check-up on her arm, anyway. She got into bed, but sat propped up against her pillow, apparently not ready to go back to sleep. He got in beside her and asked, “Want to tell me about the dream?” “It was just a typical nightmare,” she said, shrugging. “Have you had them before?” She nodded. “I’ve been having them since the accident.” “But they’re not about the accident?” “No. They’re always the same. They started in the hospital in San Francisco.” He took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “What happens in the dream?” She shrugged and looked away. He waited. Finally, she said, “Some big burly man is carrying Susie off. I scream and scream at him, but he won’t put her down. Then I usually wake up. Tonight you woke me up.” A cold shiver slid through him at the idea of someone hurting his daughter. He fought to keep his voice calm. “Is this man someone you know?” She hesitated. “Not really. I mean, I think he looked vaguely like the man who killed Emy, but I couldn’t see his

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face.” “Emy. The little girl whose grave you visited tonight at the cemetery?” “Yes. Emy. My best friend in kindergarten.” What secrets had she been hiding from him over the years? Why had she never mentioned this before, for instance, when her parents died several years ago? Why now? “Do you want to tell me about Emy? You’ve never mentioned her before.” Shrugging, she told him about that awful day when they’d found her playmate dead, adding, “It was all so long ago. Maybe I’m only remembering it all now, because of my sister’s death. You know, because Emy’s death was my first experience with death, I’d naturally remember it now, don’t you think?” She eyed him anxiously, as though it were important for him to agree. “That’s probably the reason.” He took her hand and turned the diamond engagement and wedding rings on her third finger, rubbing the soft skin of her palm. She shivered, and he added, “But, just to be sure you’re not having more after-effects of the accident, I’ll take you to see Dr. Henry in the morning, okay?” “Okay,” she said, her voice reluctant. Jass reached up and turned off the lamp. “So, let’s get some sleep. I love you, LaRae.” He pulled her down beside him and snuggled her close, his heart pounding. This nightmare was scaring him. Had the car accident caused this? He knew the trauma of an accident could leave lasting damage. He’d find a way to talk to Dr. Henry alone in the morning. He had to know if she were really all right. Their toilet the next morning was more like Laurie had imagined married life to be before she came back to

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Minnesota. Jass helped her get her clothes over her cast, and even put her sports socks on for her. She reveled in his loving gestures, hoping they meant life was going to go smoothly now. She enjoyed breakfast with him and Susie, wishing with all her heart this could be an everyday occurrence, that she could truly be the wife and mother she was pretending to be. “Do you feel up to going back to California, tomorrow?” “Yes, I’m fine, Jass.” “Rest this morning then, LaRae, and I’ll get some errands done and get our tickets. Then we’ll take a morning flight. Agnes can help you pack.” “I really won’t need anything, Jass. Laurie and I were the same size and most of her things looked much the same as mine. I can just wear those clothes.” He stared at her. “Sure you won’t mind?” Mind? Why should she mind? They were her own clothes! “No, I’d rather travel light. We’ll have enough stuff to bring back as it is.” “Good. Then we’ll just take carry-ons. For once, we won’t have to check luggage.” He left, taking Susie with him to drop her off at school. Laurie went back to her room and studied their photo albums. Agnes entered and had just begun dusting when the phone rang. Since Agnes was closer to the phone, she answered it, then passed it to Laurie saying, “It’s Jass.” “I lucked out and got you an appointment with Dr. Henry in 30 minutes, LaRae,” Jass said. “He had a cancellation. I’ll pick you up. Can you be ready?” She’d forgotten he’d said she needed a check-up last night, and wished he’d forgotten, too. Could she get out of it? Would LaRae have objected? She doubted it. “All right, Jass.

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I’ll be ready.” She hung up and looked at Agnes, who stood unabashedly listening. “Jass thinks I need a check-up with Dr. Henry. The doctor has a opening right now, so Jass is coming to pick me up.” Laurie looked at the jumble of photo albums scattered about. “I’ll put those away when I get back.” “Nonsense,” Agnes said. “I can take care of it. Don’t worry about it.” Jass picked her up, and they drove into the nearby town. On a tree-lined street, he stopped at a large brick building whose sign read, “Canton Clinic.” “Here we are,” he said, helping her out of the car and keeping her elbow in his grasp as they walked up the sidewalk. “I’ll be fine. Will you wait here, or shall I call you to pick me back up?” “Oh, no, you’re not getting rid of me that easily,” Jass said, frowning. “I’m coming with you to ask Dr. Henry a few questions.” She stared at him. He meant to come into the doctor’s examining room with her? Had LaRae allowed him to do that? She swallowed and sent him an incredulous look, but he seemed not to notice. True, he was supposed to be her husband, but this was a bit too much togetherness. On the other hand, she reasoned, this wasn’t an ob-gyn exam or anything. Only a broken arm, and maybe some x-rays. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad. She nodded agreement, not daring to object and stepped up to the receptionist’s counter to give LaRae’s name. They sat down to wait, and Laurie looked around her. The office apparently had several doctors. The waiting room

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had a long counter along one wall, and at each end, opened to hallways to the nurses' stations and examining rooms. Various nurses and assistants hurried about, carrying clipboards and calling out patients' names as it became their turn. After only a few minutes, they were ushered into an examining room. A nurse stuck a thermometer in Laurie’s mouth and took her blood pressure, then began asking questions about her latest injuries and writing them on LaRae’s chart. Since her mouth had a thermometer in it, Jass answered most of the nurse’s questions, with only an occasional nod or shake of the head from Laurie. Then the doctor walked in. He was a tall, gray-haired man, with a long nose and receding hairline. He and Jass exchanged greetings, apparently on friendly terms. For a moment, Laurie felt panic, wondering if Dr. Henry would know somehow she wasn’t LaRae. She forced herself to relax as he concentrated on her chart and asked a few more questions about her accident and recovery, making notations on her chart. Finally he said, “Let’s take some x-rays, since I don’t have any, and put on a fresh cast today. The nurse will take off that one and I’ll see you after we get some pictures,” he said with a nod to his waiting helper. The nurse led her down the hall. Laurie glanced back, frowning to see Jass and Dr. Henry deep in conversation. She had the distinct feeling they were discussing her, and she didn’t like it one bit. Dr. Henry had little to say except, “It’s healing nicely,” as he put on her fresh cast. The odor of antiseptic permeated the starkly clean room. Laurie kept her eyes on the doctor’s white-gloved hands

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smoothing the wet cast. She felt all too aware of Jass’s watchful brown eyes as he sat on a stool across the small room. Was he afraid she would be harmed here in the clinic? Or that she would misbehave in some way? She stole a glance at Jass, trying to figure him out. His face held a pleasant, approving look that puzzled, yet pleased her. She felt as though she had passed some test with flying colors. If only she knew what the test had been. “Come back in two weeks,” Dr. Henry said. His wet gloves made a slapping sound as he pulled them off. The finality in his voice said the visit was over. His assistant quickly came forward and began clearing up. Dr. Henry rose and washed his hands in the sink. Then he shook hands with Jass, gave her a quick smile and nod, and strode out, leaving them to find their own way out. “So what else did he say?” LaRae asked as she and Jass got back into his car. He tossed her a surprised glance. She frowned, irritated. Damn these men. A conspiracy of silence. I suppose they think they’re protecting me by keeping me in the dark. “Don’t pretend you didn’t talk to him behind my back.” His lips curled in a grin, and he started the motor. “Didn’t fool you, eh? Actually, he pretty much agrees with what you said last night. The nightmares about Emy’s murder are probably just brought on by your sister’s death. Maybe your subconscious mind is connecting the two events.” She felt a wave of relief. She’d been reluctant to ask about the nightmares when she’d realized Jass was going to accompany her. But he’d remembered and had done it for her. “And?” Shrugging, he turned onto a side street. “And they’ll

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probably go away. It’ll take some time, though. He says you must get plenty of rest.” Her mouth twisted. “Did he tell you to pat my head and take extra good care of me, too?” His dark head snapped around, and his brown eyes met hers searchingly. “Since when do you mind?” She saw her mistake, bit her tongue and grinned. “I don’t, really, Jass. Sorry. He just seemed so patronizing, today. It got on my nerves, I guess.” “We only discussed you because we both care about you.” “Yes, of course.” She glanced around at the unfamiliar tree-lined street. “Where are we going?” “To pick up the kids from kindergarten, of course. Harold brought them home yesterday, so it’s our turn today. I told Agnes we’d do it, since we’re already out. It’ll save her or George the trip. It’s past twelve o’clock so they should be waiting.” She swallowed and looked for the street signs, trying to remember where he had turned off the highway after leaving the clinic. Why hadn’t she been paying attention? After driving a few more blocks, Jass pulled up in front of a new brick school. As they stopped, Susie, Cindy and Davie came running out to their car, laughing and pushing as they piled into the back seat. The children chatted unceasingly all the way home. Jass drove past their house and pulled into the driveway of a small white house three doors farther down the lakeshore. Laurie assumed the tall, slim man mowing the lawn was Davie’s father. As they drove in, Harold paused and lifted a hand and called a greeting, then took off his cap and wiped his brow

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with his shirtsleeve. The temperature had risen to the eighties, unusual for May in Minnesota. The odor of freshly cut grass filled the car as Jass opened his window to return his greeting. Laurie smiled and waved at Harold. She noted the house where her new daughter’s friend lived, filing that piece of important information away in her head. Davie jumped out. Calling his thanks for the ride, he ran up his driveway to his father. They drove on around the lake and she saw the house with the burned out garage where they dropped off Cindy. A tall, dark-haired young woman opened the door to let Cindy in. She smiled and waved to them as Jass began to back out. So, that’s Cathy, she thought, returning the friendly gesture. Since Cindy was Cathy’s daughter, now she knew where LaRae’s friend lived. Little by little she was filling in the pieces of LaRae’s life, like putting together a jigsaw puzzle. When they arrived home, Agnes had soup and sandwiches ready for them. They ate, then Jass kissed Laurie good-bye, saying, “I’ll see you tonight, Hon. I may be a little late. I have to make up for missing work all morning.” “Okay.” “You’ll be all right with Susie? Diane should be here about four or so.” “Of course,” she said puzzled. “Agnes is here, too.” She glanced at the woman who was already doing dishes at the sink. “Have you forgotten? It’s Agnes’ afternoon off. I’ll bring home something for dinner, since you can’t cook with your arm in a cast, okay?” “Let’s have pizza, Daddy! With pepperoni on it,” Susie put in loudly.

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Jass looked at Laurie. When she made no objection, he asked carefully, “Is pizza okay with you?” “Sure.” He hugged Susie, then looked sternly at her. “Don’t forget to feed Trixie and give her fresh water. And take her for a walk when Diane gets home this afternoon.” “Sure, Daddy.” Laurie stood and kissed him good-bye, reveling in the feel of his strong arms around her as he returned her kiss. She watched him stride out the side door to his car and heard the roar of the powerful car’s motor as he drove away. “Thanks, Mom.” She turned back to see Susie’s beaming face. “For what, Sweetheart?” “For letting Daddy bring home pizza. I know you don’t like it much.” “You’re welcome. Come on, let’s get out of Agnes’ hair so she can finish up and leave. Let's play a game of checkers, then you can nap on my bed, okay?” They said good-bye to Agnes and headed down the hall to Laurie’s bedroom. What did it matter what she ate, when Susie was so happy? But having pizza tonight didn’t solve her much bigger problem. LaRae had loved to cook, and had obviously fed her family on Agnes’ days off. If Laurie cooked, the usual disaster would result, and Jass would know in a minute that something was wrong. There was no way around it. She was going to have to learn to cook. But how? She was supposed to be LaRae, who already was an expert cook. She could hardly ask someone to teach her the basics. Could she learn fast enough from cookbooks? If only she’d taken some home economics courses in

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high school or college. That was it; she’d sign up for a class at the college. She’d just seen a catalog somewhere, hadn’t she? Oh, yes. Diane had been reading one in the family room, since she was taking classes at the U. Maybe she could find a cooking class in that. But how could she go to a class without Jass finding out?

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Chapter 8 Laurie read the university catalog while Susie napped and, before she could change her mind, called for more information and the registration form. That evening Laurie went over Susie’s schedule with Diane, making sure she would know where Susie was and who she would be with at all times during the days they would be in California. Diane assured her either she or Agnes would be in charge and Susie would never be alone. Jass stopped watching TV and frowned at her questions. “You don’t have to worry, LaRae. They’ve been doing this together for years. They are very responsible, and always work out their own schedule.” Laurie flushed at the implied criticism of her questions. She raised her chin. “I’m sorry, Jass, but I’m feeling uneasy about it this time. I need to be sure someone will be watching Susie all the time while we’re gone.” Jass ran a hand through his hair. “Suit yourself, LaRae.” With a sigh, he went back to his paper, and said no more as Diane explained the schedule she and Agnes followed. Susie watched an hour of television curled up on the sofa next to Jass, while Diane read a college textbook. When the show was over, Diane insisted it was past Susie’s bedtime.

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Susie went to kiss her father good-bye. Jass told her, “We’ll have to leave for the airport very early, Sweetheart. We’ll be back in a few days. I’ll call you.” Susie hugged him tightly. “Bye, Daddy.” Laurie went upstairs with them. When Susie demanded Mommy read her bedtime story, Diane, looking a bit peeved, said good-night, then left to go to her own apartment for the night. Laurie sat on the edge of Susie’s bed and chided her gently, “You hurt Diane’s feelings, Susie.” Susie pouted. “I don’t care.” “Don’t you like Diane?” “‘Course I do. We have fun together. But you’re my Mommy. I want you to read my story. Besides, I won’t see you for days. I’ll miss you.” Pleasure swelled in Laurie’s breast. “I’ll miss you too, Sweetheart. But you will be a good girl for Diane and Agnes while I’m gone, won’t you?” “Yes, Mommy.” Laurie had to swallow hard before she could begin to read the story. After she tucked Susie in and kissed her goodnight, she felt a sudden urge to pull back the drape to check the lock on the window. She stared out into the night. The yard light lit up the whole yard, making her nervousness seem inappropriate. The window lock seemed secure enough, and Susie’s bedroom was on the second floor. Still, she felt uneasy. Telling herself she was worrying about nothing, she went back downstairs and found Jass in his den. She looked curiously around the room, deciding it suited him. The brown leather sofa and chair and the plaid drapes gave the room a

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formal, masculine air. She moved silently across the plush carpet. Coming up behind him at the computer, she placed her hands on his shoulders, enjoying the feel of his firm muscles beneath her fingers. He was playing solitaire. “What’s this? The sedate computer programmer playing a card game?” He looked up and grinned boyishly. “You caught me. I like to relax this way. Are you all set to leave in the morning?” She nodded. “Do you think closing Laurie’s apartment will be much of a problem?” She shook her head. “We lucked out on that. We don’t have to close it. Remember I told you that Mary, my young night nurse at the hospital, wanted to sublease it?” He glanced at her. “Yes, but I thought that was only a possibility. I didn’t know she’d taken it.” “The gal Mary roomed with is getting married, and the new couple wants that apartment, so Mary needs to find a place fast. So she went to talk to the landlord and said she’d signed to take over the lease. She’ll move in as soon as we take everything we want. She said she might buy some of the furniture, too.” “That’s great.” “I’m supposed to call her when we get there, so she can come look at it and decide.” “Great.” He turned back and shut down the computer, then rose and put his arm around her possessively. “Then let’s get some shut-eye. We have an early flight.” But he kept his arm around her and followed her to her bed then slowly began undressing her, kissing each bit of bare skin as he uncovered it. It was a while before they got to

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sleep. Their flight was uneventful. When Jass dozed, Laurie dug out the paperback romance she'd tucked in her purse. The happy ending brought tears to her eyes, and she wondered if she dared hope her own life would have one as well. Upon their arrival at the airport, they picked up the rental car Jass had ordered, and were on their way to Laurie’s apartment before noon. They stopped for lunch at a familiar chain restaurant. When they were seated, Laurie excused herself to visit the ladies' room. When she returned, Jass was reading a newspaper. He looked up. “I ordered us the special,” he said with a smile. “It’s an Oriental stir-fry that the waitress said was mostly vegetables. I hope that’s okay?” She shrugged. “Sounds all right.” He’d already turned his attention back to his paper, and there was no waitress in sight. Which vegetables? Oh, well, what does it matter? It’ll be food. She hadn’t liked her bagel on the plane, and had left most of it. Now her stomach growled its protest. Sipping her coffee, she picked up a section of Jass’s paper and read it. In a few minutes the waitress brought their stir-fry and a salad on the side. Laurie looked at the stir-fry cautiously, but decided there was nothing taboo in it. She picked up her fork and began to eat it. “Mm. This is good. Do you like it?” Jass asked, devouring his. “Yes. It’s delicious, in fact,” she assured him. They finished their meal and walked back out to the car. Jass unlocked it, and turned to help her in.

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They were turning into the parking lot beside Laurie’s apartment when she said, “I don’t feel very good, Jass. My throat feels tight.” Jass stared at her in surprise. “You don’t look very good, either, LaRae. Good grief, what’s the matter? Your face is all red and puffy!” She reached over and turned the rear-view mirror so she could see herself in it. Gasping, she exclaimed, ”Hives! My allergies!” She grabbed her purse and began digging through it. Then she glanced up at him with a frantic look on her face. “Jass, I didn’t bring my allergy meds.” “Allergy meds? What allergy meds? You don’t have allergies, LaRae!” “Of course I do,” she said, frowning at him. “Look at me! Can’t you see these hives? I’ve always had allergies. I never go anywhere without my prescription. Come on, let’s see if there are some in Laurie’s apartment.” She hurried inside. Yikes! She’d forgotten she was the twin with the allergies. LaRae had been the lucky one and never seemed to react to things. How could she cover this up? She’d have to think of something later. Now she just needed her meds. What is going on, here? Jass wondered as he grabbed his overnight case. What was she allergic to? She’d never mentioned being allergic to anything before. When had she gotten a prescription? Why hadn’t she ever mentioned it to him before now? He quickened his steps to follow her. She’d already secured the elevator, and was impatiently holding the door open for him when he caught up with her. He got in with her and began asking those questions, but she seemed to be having trouble breathing. “Shouldn’t we

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go to an emergency room, LaRae?” She shook her head. “No time!” She walked quickly down the hall to Laurie’s apartment, and impatiently tapped her toe as she waited for him to unlock the door. Inside, she dropped her purse on the kitchen table and disappeared into the bathroom. Following, Jass watched her open the medicine chest and take out a prescription bottle, then down a pill and grab a paper cup for water to wash it down. “LaRae, are you sure it’s okay to take Laurie’s pills?” he asked, picking up the bottle. He read Laurie’s name and the long medical name of the prescription. There was nothing to indicate what the pills were for. “How do you know this is the right medication?” “Jass, it says so, right there on the bottle,” she said, filling the tiny cup again and downing the water. "It happened a couple of times before--when I was a teenager." She took off her blouse and surveyed the red welts on her chest, then turned so she could check her back in the mirror. Hives were spreading across her back as well. “Damn, but they itch! Don’t worry, the pills work fast. I’ll be all right in a few minutes. I want to lie down.” “Of course.” He followed her to the bedroom and watched her lie down on the bed. Gently, he slipped off her shoes and covered her with the light blanket lying at the foot of the bed. “Go away, Jass. I’ll be fine in a little while.” He eyed her doubtfully. “All right. But I’ll just be out in the other room if you want me, okay?” “Fine.” He went to the kitchen and fixed coffee, badly shaken. He’d never seen LaRae like this before. Why hadn't she

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warned him about it? He drank some coffee and peeked into the bedroom. She was asleep. She was breathing normally, and the white welts had receded to red, and seemed less prominent on her face. Every few minutes, he repeated his surveillance, feeling like a spy. Each time, the hives seemed to be lessening. Relieved, he drank more coffee and began the task of going through Laurie’s desk to close out her business affairs. When Laurie awoke a couple hours later, the hives had receded to a dull red rash, looking more like the remnants of measles than the fat welts of a couple of hours earlier. She joined him in the kitchen, took down a bright orange mug and poured herself some coffee eyeing him nervously. “Feeling better?” he asked. She sat across from him at the kitchen table, sipped her coffee and nodded. “Yes. The itching has stopped. I’m fine now, Jass.” “So, would you like to tell me what’s going on?” “What’s going on?” she repeated warily. “What do you mean?” “What brought this on? What are you allergic to? Since when do you have allergies?” She set down her mug carefully. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve always had allergies. To various foods and medicines.” He stared at her shaking his head. “This is the first I’ve heard of it.” “I'm sorry. I guess I think of it as a weakness and don't like to talk about it." "That's silly." Lifting a shoulder, she said, "I thought I'd told you at

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some time or other. I haven’t had a reaction for years, because I always watch my diet carefully.” Jass frowned. “I thought you watched your diet to stay thin.” “Well, that, too, like most women.” Laurie grinned. “I did tell you about my mom and dad rushing me to the emergency room one time when I was a little girl?” “No.” His voice was very definite. She pretended not to notice his tone. “I could barely breathe. They set me up on a table and gave me a shot. Then I could breathe okay again. I'd eaten lots of strawberries that time.” “What caused it this time? You only ate on the plane, and then that stir-fry. It was nothing unusual.” “I don’t know, Jass. Maybe this restaurant used MSG, or used lettuce sprayed with sulfites to prevent browning in the salad. Or put something new in the stir-fry like exotic greens.” “That’s possible. Did you notice anything like that?” “I don’t know. Everything was cut up into unrecognizable pieces.” “Oh. Another thing, LaRae. If it’s been a long time since you had a reaction, how did you know what to take? The name on the bottle meant nothing to me.” She frowned. “Diphenhydramine? That’s what I’ve always taken. It’s in a lot of over-the-counter medicines, too. Don’t you read labels?” “No, I don’t.” His voice was flat and definite. “I never heard of it until today.” She shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. “I usually carry it in my purse.” “I didn't know that.”

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She grinned wryly. “Well, I’d better hang on to this bottle in case it happens again, hadn’t I? Unless you like this new look?” He eyed her blotchy face and returned her grin. “No, I sure don’t. You’re right. Keep the pills handy.” “Are you feeling up to starting work on the apartment?” “Sure.” Dismay surged through her at the idea of actually closing off her life here in San Francisco. She looked away. Of course they had no choice about it. LaRae was gone, and if she wanted to pretend Laurie had died, Laurie’s things must go, too. “Yes, of course. Let’s get started.” “Will you look around, to decide whether you will want to ship anything home?” Laurie nodded, wondering if she should save some of the rest of her furniture. Would they need any of it at their house in Minnesota? Would it be too expensive or too much trouble to ship? “Do you think we should save any of this furniture, Jass?” Jass laughed harshly. “No, I doubt that we have room for any of it, after the buying spree you went on last fall, LaRae. I’m still paying the bills.” Ouch! Sore point there. She turned away and said nothing more. She sighed. What else did she want to save from her life in San Francisco? Nothing special came to mind. “Only a few things, then, personal stuff, jewelry and clothes. Maybe some books and photos, nothing major, except that computer.” Laurie nodded at her pride and joy on the desk. No way would she leave her computer behind. All her investment information was on it. Jass nodded. “Yes, we should keep that. It looks fairly new, and I’m sure we wouldn’t get much for it second hand.

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Odd that you should say that, though. You never pay any attention to my computer at home. I thought you didn’t know how to use one.” “Didn’t know how?” Hadn’t LaRae learned to use a computer? But of course she must have! “I used one back in college, Jass.” “Did you?” “Of course I did. Everybody had to. Shouldn’t we be going through some of this stuff?” They spent the rest of the day sorting the things in Laurie’s apartment, deciding what to keep and ship home, and what to give away to a local charity. For supper they opted for eating in, fixing pancakes from a mix they found in the cupboard. Fortunately, there were still some eggs in the refrigerator. While Jass did the dishes, Laurie went through some of the things in her desk. She laid aside the checkbook and savings book for closing her accounts the next day and carefully tucked her stock market statements in her purse to deal with later. Then she found her work calendar, with notes on various assignments, giving dates and notes on which she’d been paid for. Had she gotten her last modeling check? “Did you pick up the mail?” “It’s over there on the table.” Laurie went through it and found the check from the modeling agency she’d worked for. Damn that Geri! She’d deliberately shorted her! Well she was not going to get away with it. But how could she handle it without revealing herself? Thinking quickly, she said to Jass, “This doesn’t sound right.” “What doesn’t?”

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“Laurie’s paycheck stub says it’s for 12 hours, but her calendar says she was owed for 25 hours. That’s quite a difference, at her hourly rate.” “Hmmm, you’re right.” Jass read the notes over her shoulder. Maybe we’ll just stop by there tomorrow and ask this Geri about it.” “Yes, I think we should. And here’s a bill for repairing her car. It says it’s ready to be picked up.” He took it and read it. “I don’t understand,” he said. “This bill is dated the day after your accident. Laurie’s car must have been in the shop before the accident.” She shrugged, pretending ignorance. “I can’t remember. Maybe that’s why I rented a car. Maybe she told me hers was in the shop.” “Could be.” “The bill is from a dealership which, according to the header on their bill, also does repair work. Maybe they’ll sell it for us.” Jass met her eyes, a puzzled frown on his face. “That’s a great idea. I’ve never known you to be so capable of managing affairs, LaRae.” Anger at his implied criticism of her sister slid through her. Had LaRae really been that helpless, or had he simply always taken over? Recklessly she accused, “You never gave me a chance. I can do all right when I’m on my own.” “Perhaps,” he said, regarding her thoughtfully. “Come on. Let’s get some shut-eye. We’ll worry about all this in the morning.” “All right.” He eyed the couch, and looked at her, remembering her demand to be left alone earlier. “Do you want me to sleep out here?”

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Putting her arm around him, she grinned. “Not likely, Jass. Come on to bed.” The next morning her face had returned to normal. They drove together to the modeling agency. The discrepancies between her own records and the amount Geri had paid her angered Laurie. As she told Jass, “It’s not the money, it’s the principle of it. Laurie is being cheated. I can at least defend her rights.” "Exactly." Jass pulled up to the small modern building. “Did you bring Laurie’s calendar?” “Yes, I brought it.” Laurie stared at the white painted office building. It didn’t seem possible she’d worked her for almost five years. She had little desire to return or regrets at leaving here. “We’ll show the calendar to this Geri, and see what she has to say. Maybe there’s a simple explanation.” They went inside. An odor of perfume and cosmetics permeated the office. A young secretary sat at a desk, and looked up with a smile. The smile immediately disappeared. She gaped at Laurie as though seeing a ghost. Jass introduced them. “Oh,” she said, her voice flustered. “You’re Laurie’s twin, LaRae. For a minute I thought.... Come in.” She spoke on her intercom, then led them to a door down the hall and immediately showed them inside an elegantly appointed office. A wave of expensive perfume wafted over them. “Geri, this is Laurie’s sister, LaRae, and her husband, Jass Markham,” she said, and withdrew. A perfectly coifed woman rose from behind her mahogany desk and held out her hand. “I’m Geri. So nice to meet you.” She eyed LaRae critically, and waved them to a

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chair. “I was so sorry to lose Laurie. She was one of my best girls.” “Thank you,” Laurie murmured, accepting the compliment as though for her sister. She and Jass sat down in the blue plush chairs facing Geri across the polished desk. Geri met her gaze. “My, but you were really identical twins, weren’t you? Would you be interested in taking Laurie's place?” Jass’ laugh came out as a short bark. “Hardly.” Geri raised an eyebrow at him and looked at LaRae for her answer. Laurie’s temper rose. His laugh at Geri’s suggestion had been contemptuous. Did he think his wife incapable of handling a job? Just for a moment she considered it, to teach him a lesson for LaRae’s sake, then she remembered Susie, and reluctantly shook her head. “We live in Minnesota, and I have a small daughter to care for,” she explained. “Oh? I see. Well, then what can I do for you today?” “I’m Laurie’s heir, and I received her final check from you in her mail. I also found Laurie’s record of her work here.” She handed Laurie’s calendar and the check to Geri. “I thought perhaps you could explain why the two don’t jibe.” Geri took the calendar. She picked up her designer glasses and put them on, then read Laurie’s notes. She frowned at Jass and LaRae for a moment, then said, "Some of these hours must have been included on the previous check." "No," Laurie said. "The previous check stub clearly states the days it included." Geri flushed to the dark roots of her silver-blond hair as she met Laurie's determined stare. Neither Laurie or Jass said anything, they just patiently waited for her to explain the obvious discrepancy.

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Geri cleared her throat, then opened a drawer and took out a ledger. After comparing the ledger with the calendar, she said, “I’m just a small agency, here, Mr. and Mrs. Markham. I’m very busy and try to do too much myself, so sometimes mistakes happen.” “I understand,” Laurie said smoothly, doing her best not to smile. I understand you know you’ve been caught out. “I’ll have my secretary draw up a new check for the correct amount immediately.” She pressed a button on the intercom and gave her secretary the order with the correct amount, then wrote ‘void’ across the original check and put it in her drawer with the ledger. She closed the drawer with a sharp slap, and handed Laurie’s calendar back to LaRae. “Thank you. I’m sure Laurie would be pleased.” Laurie rose and held out her hand, allowing her lips to smile. Geri smiled, too. “If you ever change your mind about modeling, come and see me.” When pigs fly. “Thank you. By the way, did my sister leave anything here?” “Why, yes, I believe she did leave some personal clothes and pictures. My secretary will find those for you as well. Goodbye.” They shook hands in farewell. Jass put his arm around his wife as they walked back to the outer office. The very flustered secretary handed her the new check, then led them down the hall to find Laurie’s things. Laurie felt an odd sense of de ja vu as she stepped inside the small, crowded room. A brown sofa sat along a wall opposite a table with lots of drawers and a well-lit mirror. Make-up littered the dressing table. The secretary said, “Annette has this room now, but Laurie’s things should still be here somewhere. We put them in a box, but had no idea where to send them.” She

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rummaged around in the closet, and pulled out a cardboard box with Laurie’s name on it and handed it to Jass. “Here it is.” As they walked back out to their car, Jass said, “You handled Geri beautifully, LaRae.” She grinned. “Thanks for letting me deal with her on my own. I was afraid you’d try to take over.“ “You were doing fine without me.” The grin burst into a giggle. “Wasn’t that a hoot, to see the perfectly-groomed woman blush?” “Laurie would have been proud of you.” “Do you think so?” Jass nodded and pulled out into traffic. He dropped Laurie at the apartment and went to see the dealer about selling Laurie’s car. Feeling exhausted, Laurie lay down for a nap. When she awoke, Jass still hadn’t returned. But Mary, her night nurse at the hospital arrived. They shared coffee and chatted and Mary bought some of Laurie’s furniture. Jass returned shortly after Mary left and she told him happily, “Mary was here. She said she’d be moving right in and bought some of the furniture, too.” Jass looked at her warily. “Get a decent price?” She made a wry face. Not a tenth of what I paid for it, Jass. But she couldn’t say that. LaRae wouldn’t know that. “Probably not. But I thought not having to go through the hassle of hunting for someone else to buy it was worth something, too. Mary said she’d have Goodwill come to pick up what she doesn’t want.” “That’s good.” “So we just have to arrange to ship the boxes of stuff we want to keep back to Minnesota.” Yikes, she should have

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said ‘home.’ Would he notice? She sighed in relief when he didn’t seem to. They spent the next day sorting and packing the few things they planned to keep from the apartment. Laurie packed her suitcases to take on the plane, and they shipped the rest by UPS. LaRae felt a strange sense of loss as they left the apartment for the last time. “Feeling sad?” Jass asked. “I’m just being nostalgic,” she said, giving a little shrug. She couldn’t tell him that she was panicking at closing off her life here and burning her bridges as Laurie, so to speak. She’d felt tempted to tell him the truth more than once, but couldn’t. She still felt confused about whether or not she’d really seen and talked to Emy. But Emy’s reminders seemed real enough, and she couldn’t take the chance that it had all been a hallucination. Not when Susie’s safety was at stake. She was glad to be flying back. Maybe after things settled down a bit, she’d start feeling more at home in Canton.

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Chapter 9 One morning a few days later, after Jass and Susie had left for work and school, the UPS man brought the things they’d shipped from Laurie’s apartment in California. George carried them into LaRae’s bedroom for her and Agnes helped her with the unpacking. Their handyman still gave Laurie the creeps, but with her arm in a cast, she had little choice but to accept help. “Could you bring the table in from the family room and set it up in this corner, George?” “Sure thing, Ma’am.” In a few moments, he was back and placed it where Laurie indicated. She struggled to open a box, and he did it for her, putting the computer, monitor and printer on the table for her. She thanked him, but breathed a sigh of relief when he left, taking the empty boxes with him, saying he’d make good use of them to store things in the garage. Laurie unpacked the power strip and keyboard, then bent to plug everything in. “A computer!” Agnes exclaimed, sending her a puzzled look. “Are you going to learn how to use one? You never went near the one in Jass’s den.” Oh, oh. Agnes thought LaRae couldn’t use a computer, too? “That one belongs to Jass, Agnes. I don’t want to mess

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up any of his business files. This was Laurie’s, and now it’s mine, so I don’t have to worry about that. I learned years ago, in college,” she hedged, hoping LaRae had never denied that. “You did?” “Yes. I think it’s high time I made some use of that knowledge.” She wasn’t going to let Agnes’ opinions keep her from her computer. She was itching to get her fingers on the keyboard, even if she had to type one-handed for now until her cast came off. “Humph,” Agnes said. “Well, I suppose Jass wouldn’t mind teaching you some stuff. He certainly offered to do it enough times. What made you change your mind?” “Jass showed me how to use some fun software, you know, games and stuff on this one in California. I enjoyed it and played around with it a bit while we were out there.” That, at least, was no lie. She’d done a bit of stuff on her computer while Jass was out. The phone rang, and Agnes said no more. It was Aunt Martha, wanting her to come over for lunch. “I’d love to, but Jass doesn’t want me to drive,” Laurie said. “I’ve asked George to drive you over.” Laurie swallowed. She didn’t like the idea of riding with the handyman, but she could hardly disappoint dear old Martha. Nor could she tell her about her silly nightmares. “All right. I’ll be ready.” She explained to Agnes, looking at the jumble of suitcases and boxes scattered about. “I’ll unpack the rest when I get back.” “Nonsense. I can take care of most of it, hanging up the clothes and stuff.” At lunch, Martha chatted constantly, and Laurie had to ask only an occasional question to keep her talking. Thus,

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she filled in some of the details of LaRae’s life in Canton for her. “Are you still playing that bridge game on Wednesday nights? I don’t understand that game. Guess I’m too old to learn complicated stuff like that,” she said with a long sigh. “But I suppose you enjoy talking to the other women, too.” Yikes! LaRae liked bridge? Laurie had never learned to play that game. Would she have to learn? Or could she find a way out of it? She nodded, trying not to show her dismay and changed the subject. Later, Martha wanted to talk about the past. “I remember the first time you brought Jass home and introduced him to our family as your future husband, LaRae,“ she said, nodding her white head. “It was Thanksgiving Day and your mom had fixed a turkey and all the trimmings, like always. You and him popped in just before we were ready to eat. Your mom got up and set more places, cause she’d given up on you coming.” She grinned at Laurie. “We all thought you’d chickened out on telling your pa about him.” “Oh.” Laurie said, not knowing what to say to that. “I could tell that Laurie liked him, too, the minute she saw him. Her eyes hardly left the man most of the time. But of course, you knew that, eh?” She smiled. “Yes, Aunt Martha, I remember.” Laurie bit her tongue to keep from asking how had Martha known that? I didn’t know I’d been that transparent! she thought. Had anyone else guessed? If they had, they’d probably felt sorry for her. And she hated having people feeling sorry for her. “From the time you were little, your parents wanted you girls to be different instead of alike. They wouldn’t dress you alike or buy the same toys for you like most parents do with twins.”

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“We dressed a lot alike later, though. We even bought the same brands without knowing what the other had bought.” “That’s true. You two had minds of your own and did as you pleased when you got older. I never liked that idea of putting you in separate schools.” “Yes,” Laurie said with a sigh. “We hated being apart. They thought it would be better if we didn’t grow up depending on each other.” Martha got up and brought out a plate of homemade cookies. “These will have to do for dessert.” Laurie reached for a gingersnap cookie. “They’re delicious as usual, Martha. Yes, we each had our own friends. They said we should each develop our own interests.” “And you did each go your separate way without the other.” “Well, that was during school. But we were home together on weekends.” She winked at Martha. Aunt Martha chuckled. “You always seemed to enjoy doing the opposite of what your parents wanted. Many’s the tale I heard about you two purposely confusing people by dressing alike and pretending to be each other.” She poured them more tea. “Have some more tea, LaRae. Yes, I heard from your mom about some of the phone calls you girls got from teed off dates.” Laurie grinned, remembering confused young men. “They weren’t too happy about that.” Aunt Martha shook her head. “Course, it all changed after you brought Jass home. In your senior year of college, wasn’t it?” “Yes, Martha. It was.” She bit her lip, wishing she could confide in her. She hated fooling her dear old Aunt Martha. What would Martha say if she knew Laurie was falling

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in love with Jass? She’d probably laugh, and say, ‘you two always did have the same tastes.’ But this was no laughing matter. Susie’s safety and both her and Jass’ future happiness was at stake this time. She didn’t dare blow it. Later that afternoon, Susie wanted to take her nap in her mother's room. Laurie paused in the doorway of her bedroom. Agnes had made order, but there were still boxes of books to be shelved and papers to be filed. After Laurie read the little girl a story, Susie almost immediately fell asleep. Laurie decided not to chance waking her by unpacking. Instead, she turned on the computer to make sure it had survived the move without damage. All seemed to be well, and soon she was engrossed in a game of solitaire. She jumped when Susie spoke behind her. “What’re you doing, Mommy?” “Oh, you’re awake. I’m just playing a card game.” “Where’d the computer come from?” “The UPS man brought it, today. It was Aunt Laurie’s, Sweetheart. Daddy and I had it sent here from California.” “Didn’t she want it anymore?” Laurie caught her breath. Susie was only five. Did she really understand death? She put her free arm around the little girl and pulled her onto her lap. “Aunt Laurie died, Sweetheart. Remember when we went to her funeral and then visited her grave on the way to Aunt Martha’s house?” Susie’s blue eyes regarded her solemnly. “By my Grandpa and Grandma Johnson?” “Yes, that’s right.” Laurie’s heart contracted. She should be telling Susie the truth. True, she was only a little girl, but she had a right to know that it was her own mother

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lying in that cold ground, not her Aunt Laurie. She bit back tears. “Are you sad, Mommy?” She closed her eyes and nodded. “Me, too. I wish she hadn’t died.” Laurie hugged her tightly. Susie allowed this for a moment, then squirmed and asked, “So we got her things ‘cause she doesn’t need ‘em anymore?” Laurie nodded, her throat tight. “Can I play? Daddy sometimes lets me play games on his computer.” “He does?” Laurie looked doubtfully at her. Could a five-year-old really use a computer? Well, it couldn’t hurt to let her try. “Sure. Go ahead.” She gave up her chair and pulled up another chair beside her so she could watch the little girl. She thought it was cute the way Susie stuck out her tongue a bit as she concentrated on the colorful card game. Susie seemed to have no problem using the mouse and evidently knew her numbers and the card sequence quite well. It was easy to see that she’d been allowed to do this before. Susie soon tired of the game. She seemed pleased when Diane arrived and came to find her, saying it was time to take Trixie for a walk outdoors. She and the nanny disappeared down the hall. Laurie listened to their happy chatter with a heavy heart. How long would it be before she felt that comfortable with Susie? What would Susie say if she knew she was really Laurie and not her mother? Would Susie hate her then? And if she did find out, would she ever forgive her and accept her as her stepmother? Stepmother? What was she thinking? When Jass

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found out he would probably throw her out. Would he even ban her from seeing Susie as her aunt? She had no idea how he might react. Why had she been so dumb as to do this? She’d believed LaRae when she said Jass was making her unhappy. Now she could see Jass’ side of the story as well, and sympathized with him. Worse, she’d fallen in love with him. Laurie turned back to her keyboard. She wouldn’t worry about it now. She’d cross that bridge when she came to it. She found it frustrating to type one handed and awkward using her mouse left-handed. Damn this stupid cast, she thought. It’s got to come off soon. But the thank you notes had to get done. It was easier to try to do one explanation and apology on the computer and then personalize each one, than to try to hand-write them left handed. So she brought up her letter template and began writing. “LaRae? Where are you?” “In my bedroom, Jass.” She stretched her tired muscles, and glanced at her watch, amazed to realize that it was after six o’clock. “I brought the pizza.” Jass said behind her. He came into her bedroom and stopped short. “What the . . .? When did you learn to use the computer, LaRae?” He came closer and stared at the screen over her shoulder. Too late, Laurie remembered that in California, Jass had said LaRae hadn’t used one. Another goof. And she remembered Agnes’ surprise, and her comment that maybe now LaRae would let Jass teach her how to use one. “It’s Laurie’s.” She tried to sound nonchalant. “The UPS man brought it today, and George and Agnes helped me set it up.”

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His dark brow dipped in a puzzled frown. “Yes, but you always said you didn’t know how to use a computer.” “Nonsense, Jass. I told you, I used one in college.” “You did? But you said you couldn’t . . .” Refusing to look at him, she improvised, “I guess it was more like didn’t want to. You’re so smart at using them, I was afraid I’d mess something up on your computer.” “Oh.” She shrugged. “So, I changed my mind. That’s a woman’s privilege, you know.” “Of course.” He sounded doubtful. “So what are you typing?” “Thank you letters for the funeral flowers and memorials. I decided it would be easier to type one-handed than to write left-handed.” “I see. So, you’re using Laurie’s word-processing program?” “Yes. And her letter template,” she said, hoping she didn’t sound too knowledgeable. “Laurie showed me some stuff in California. Okay?” Her heart pounded and she dared to look at him. His lean jaw was set; the look on his face puzzled and angry. Well, tough cookies if it wasn’t okay with him. She was not giving up her beloved computer. “Sure, Honey, whatever you want.” His frown disappeared and his lips twisted in a wry smile. “But don’t you think it would be better to change the heading? It might come as a bit of a shock to them if they get a letter from Laurie after attending her funeral.” She gasped and turned back to stare at the screen. He was right. She hadn’t changed the return address to LaRae Markham, or the address from San Francisco to Canton, MN.

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Swallowing, she managed a light laugh. “I guess that would be a good idea.” She began to type the change. Jass took her arm and urged her on her feet. “Do it after we eat. Come on, the pizza’s getting cold.” Over canned peaches for desert, he offered, “I could give you some tips on the computer, if you like.” She swallowed a laugh, and agreed, “Thanks. I’d like that.” Actually she would. She shivered in anticipation at the idea of sitting close to him while he taught her lots of things she already knew, but could pretend she didn’t. Susie piped up, “Mommy already knows a lot. She gots the same cards game you got on yours, Daddy. She let me play it this afternoon.” “Oh, yeah?” Jass raised an eyebrow. Laurie shrugged. “Just solitaire. It’s the same game we played as kids with a deck of playing cards.” “Can I play another game before bed?” “Ask your father.” “Daddy?” Susie turned wide blue eyes on Jass, who visibly melted. He grinned. “I guess so, Sweetheart.” They played one game, then Susie watched an hour of television curled up on the sofa next to Jass, before Laurie read her a bedtime story and tucked her into bed. After she tucked Susie in and kissed her goodnight, she felt the need to pull back the drape to check the lock on the window again. She stared out into the night. The window lock was secure and everything seemed as usual. But still, she felt uneasy. Telling herself she was becoming a regular worrywart, she went back downstairs. She found Jass at her computer, where he was still

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playing solitaire. He looked up and grinned boyishly. “You caught me. I like this game too. You’re spoiling Susie. She’ll claim the computer if you let her, you know.” “Who’s spoiling her?” she derided, admiration for the little girl in her voice. “You’ve been letting her play on yours! She’s already very good at it.” “Yes, she is, isn’t she?” Jass’ voice echoed her pride as he closed the solitaire game. He stared uncertainly at the various icons on her windows desktop, and muttered, “As soon as I figure out what Laurie was using here, I’ll . . . .” Laurie swallowed, more than a little nervous about letting him see all the software on her hard drive, until she remembered the programs and files were supposed to be her sister’s work, not hers. She could pretend ignorance. Still, she fidgeted as he tried to open a couple of files and frowned at the pop-up box asking for a password. “Protected. Damn. Well, I don’t suppose we’ll ever find out what’s on those files. Let me try something else.” She didn’t want him messing anything up while figuring out what it was, so she casually suggested, “Your computer is similar, isn’t it? Maybe it would be easier to show me on yours, where you’re familiar with all the files already.” “All right. That might be easier.” He shut down her computer and led the way to his den, where he pulled up an extra chair for her and turned on his computer. A chill ran over her as she realized that she couldn’t possibly have learned all she knew about computers in college. Most of it hadn’t been developed yet six or seven years ago. She'd better watch what she said and did!

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Looking over his shoulder as he talked, she pretended to have forgotten lots of things since college, and asked questions she thought a person who’d been away from it for a while would ask. Luckily, his was not the latest model, so her college training wasn’t as outdated as it might have been. “You’ve learned a lot already. I noticed you were using Laurie's word processor like a pro this afternoon.” She laughed lightly. “Thanks. Laurie showed me some stuff.” “Sure. But let me show you some of the finer points of it.” After a couple of hours of sitting next to him and letting him guide her, she stretched. “Tired?” he asked. When she nodded, he added, “Let’s hit the sack. We’ll have another go at it tomorrow night.” “Sure.” Laurie was more than willing to quit. She wasn’t really tired, but pretending ignorance was a strain, and her senses were humming from his nearness. He was evidently aroused, too. He snapped off the computer and rose, pulling her into his arms. He trailed kisses along her throat, groaning. She responded immediately, opening her lips to his. He slid a hand down her back to urge her closer against him and she reveled in his obvious arousal. “I’ve been waiting for you to say that for the last hour,” she murmured. “Your bed or mine?” He unbuttoned her blouse and slid aside her bra to release her full breast. “Yours is closer,” she said, gasping in delight as his lips closed over the tip of her breast. Unbuttoning and unzipping as they went, they crossed the hall. He locked the door, then turned to finish undressing her, kissing each new bare area as he uncovered it. When at

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last she stood naked before him, he whispered, “You’re so beautiful!” She smiled in pleasure at his compliment, then reached out impatiently to help him finish undressing. He held her gaze, then dropped his jeans and briefs, revealing his arousal as though he were daring her to stop him. She swallowed and went into his arms. Together they fell into his bed, intent on exploring every inch of uncovered flesh. She thought she’d discovered every possible pleasure in her dreams of him. But he soon taught her that the reality of his lovemaking was much nicer than her dreams. The next afternoon she was again at her computer when Jass came home after work. She heard his angry footsteps coming down the hall. Now what? “LaRae?” he called, “Where are you?” “In here, Jass.” She rose and turned toward the door. His face held an angry scowl. “What is the meaning of this?” He reached in his suit jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope, thrusting it at her. Nerves on edge, she took it and pulled out the contents. Oh, no. LaRae meant it when she said she was filing for a divorce. What could she say? “I’m sorry, Jass. I changed my mind and forgot to call the lawyer.” His face relaxed a bit. “Then you will cancel this?” “Yes, Jass,” she said carefully. “I definitely do not want a divorce. I’ll call and tell the lawyer first thing in the morning.” His shoulders visibly relaxed. “I thought you’d changed

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your mind about a divorce. I mean, you weren’t acting like you wanted one anymore. But when this came to my office, I didn’t know what to think.” Laurie put the envelope in her desk drawer and turned back to him. “I’m sorry, Jass. I guess I’ve had too much on my mind lately. I’d forgotten about it. Will you forgive me?” He stepped forward and took her in his arms and kissed her. “You’re forgiven.” She snuggled closer in his arms and returned his kisses. Susie came running in and announced, “Agnes says to come eat, Daddy.” Jass winked at Laurie and said, “Later,” then took Susie’s hand and they walked down the hall together. Laurie sighed in relief and followed them, her stomach still in a knot. She’d survived another close call.

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Chapter 10 Jass had a meeting the next day, even though it was Saturday. He promised to pick up the cake and be home in plenty of time for Denise and Ken’s party. Cathy picked up Susie to take her and Cindy to the school for swimming lessons and Diane had gone to a friend’s baby shower. She assured Laurie she’d be back by five, and would baby-sit Susie while they went to the party. So Laurie spent most of the day alone. She took advantage of the time to study photo albums, maps, newspapers, and LaRae’s old letters. She phoned Aunt Martha, who said she wasn’t feeling too well. No, she didn’t want a doctor, she’d be fine with a bit of tea and a night’s rest. “I wish I could drive over to see you. I’m getting very frustrated having to be driven everywhere.” “Yes,” Martha chuckled. “I’m sure you’re not used to feeling tied down.” Laurie had no more than put down the phone when it rang again. “Hi, LaRae. It’s Lisa.” Panic tightened her throat. Who was Lisa? “Oh, Hi, Lisa. How are you?” “Fine, dear. I heard you were back. I just wanted to remind you of our bridge date on Wednesday night. Can I pick

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you up as usual?” Bridge. She’d forgotten Martha had told her LaRae played bridge. Yikes, I can’t play bridge! She hedged, “Haven’t you heard? My arm’s still in a cast. I think I’ll skip it for a few more weeks, if you and the others won’t mind?” “All righty. I’ll get Barbara to fill in for you. Talk to you later, then.” Laurie hung up. So far, so good. But her cast would be coming off soon. Then she’d no longer have such a handy excuse. It was time to learn how to play bridge. And fast. Time to learn a lot of things. She went to her computer and logged on to the internet. After searching for a while, she found a game of bridge that she thought would serve her purpose and downloaded it. It had standard instructions and settings for varying levels of skill. The computer played for the others, and could even suggest moves in various situations. She played with it for an hour, then Susie arrived home and she let Susie switch to solitaire. That evening Laurie stood in front of her closet, trying to decide what would be appropriate to wear to Denise’s birthday party. She was ready except for her dress and shoes. Why hadn’t she asked Cathy what she planned to wear? She should have figured out a way to learn what kind of party this was going to be. Would it be an outdoor barbecue? Indoor formal affair? Something in-between? She jumped and turned when she heard her door open. “Aren’t you dressed, yet? We’re going to be late!” Jass sounded annoyed, not a good beginning for the evening. She felt nervous enough about meeting lots of people who would think she was LaRae, without having to

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deal with his irritation. “I can’t make up my mind what to wear. What do you think?” “Honestly, LaRae. Just hurry up, will you?” He came forward and surveyed the rack of clothes, then pulled out a short, full-skirted dress of blue taffeta. “How about this? It always looks great when you’re dancing. And it’s sleeveless, so it should fit over your cast okay.” There would be dancing? “Sure,” she murmured, relieved. “But I don’t think I’ll do much dancing with this cast.” She quickly slipped the dress on. Jass helped her zip it up, and put her sling back around her neck to support her arm. “I’ll be so glad to get rid of this thing,” she muttered. Jass leaned forward and gave her a kiss. “Me, too, Honey. Me, too.” She inhaled his spicy scent and desire surged in her. She reached up to caress his smooth jaw and kissed him again. “Hey, keep this up and we’ll never get to the party.” She laughed and slipped into a pair of comfortable pumps, then quickly ran a brush through her hair. “Okay, I’m ready.” “Better take a sweater or shawl. It’ll be chilly out on their deck.” On their deck? They walked down the hall together to say goodnight to Susie and Diane who were watching television in the family room. Susie jumped up and clung to Laurie, sending a sudden strong wave of protectiveness through her. The memory of her nightmares of Emy’s murder flitted through her mind, making her throat tighten.

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She felt an urge to ask Jass if they could stay home but knew she couldn’t do that. “We’d better leave a telephone number where we can be reached,” Laurie said instead, looking anxiously at Jass. “It’s inside the front cover of the phone book, Laurie, with all the other emergency numbers. Diane knows all that.” He turned to look at Diane, adding, “We’ll be at Denise’s if you need us, Diane.” Diane twisted a lock of her long black hair around one finger, looking at Laurie as she spoke to Jass. “Sure, Mr. Markham.” Laurie couldn’t let it end there. “Please stay here in the house with Susie, Diane. Don’t go to your apartment until we get home, okay?” Diane rubbed her cheek, and shifted from one foot to the other. “Yes, Ma’am. I always do that.” “What’s wrong with you, tonight, LaRae? Diane knows the routine. Come on, we’ll be late.” “Did you remember to pick up the cake?” “It’s in the car, LaRae.” Jass drove around to the north end of the lake, stopping at a large house surrounded by evergreens. “I knew we were gonna be the last ones here,” he grumbled under his breath. He parked on the road, since the driveway was already full of cars. “Sorry, does it matter?” She stepped out of the car. The cool evening breeze whipped her hair into her eyes and she lifted a hand to push it back. Wrapping her knitted shawl around her, she waited as Jass carefully lifted out the large cake box. “I guess not, Honey,” he said with a rueful grin. They walked up the driveway and followed the sound of

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music and laughter around to the rear, where a three-piece combo was playing on a large redwood deck. Dozens of people who had arrived ahead of them were milling about the tables and chairs. Bows and streamers of bright-colored crepe paper lined the guardrail. A large banner saying “Happy Birthday, Denise” waved in the breeze. Although it was still daylight, decorative lanterns were already lit. Laurie was surprised to find a wide ramp as well as steps leading up to the deck. Handicapped accessible? Who needed a ramp and why? There was so much she didn’t know. Nervous tension speeded up her heartbeat. She surveyed the large group of people already filling plates at the buffet table set up along one side of the deck. Laurie spotted Cathy in a sequined green dress that really showed off her red hair, and called a hello. Cathy waved to them, exclaiming, “Oh, good! The cake has arrived! Now we can sing to Denise!” She signaled the band and they broke off the song they were playing. With a flourish, they began playing, ‘Happy Birthday!’ and everyone sang, and then cheered. A chubby young woman in a wheelchair looked pleased and embarrassed, making it easy for Laurie to identify Denise. She was a pretty woman, with wide blue eyes and very short, curly strawberry blond hair. Laurie’s heart contracted as she realized the ramp was for Denise herself. She smiled warmly at Laurie as they walked over to say hello, and Laurie felt an instant rapport with her. “Glad you could make it,” Denise told Laurie. “Oh, what a pretty cake, Jass. Come get in the food line before it’s all gone. We’ve saved you a place at the table over there. These guys were about to start eating without you.”

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The attentive dark-haired man beside Denise must be Ken, Laurie thought as she watched him clear a spot on the buffet table for the cake. Jass put down the cake and they joined the food line. Soon everyone had filled their plates from the extensive assortment of food and found seats at the tables. They ate with Denise and Ken, and Laurie found them both easy to talk to. The conversation soon moved to local gossip. “Have you heard that Noreen left Harold?” Denise asked. “No! Where did she go?” Laurie asked. That should be a safe question. “Took an apartment in Minneapolis, I heard. Closer to her job, anyway, you know. Too bad for little Davie, though.” “Yes, Davie’s staying with Harold for now, anyway. I thought he seemed a little preoccupied at the fire the other night,” Jass said. “Had to remind him a couple of times to be careful, or he’d have gotten hurt.” “Really?” Denise said. “Well, I suppose it would be hard to keep your mind on what you’re doing when something like that is going on at home. But you’d think he’d be extra careful around a fire after getting burned so bad a few years ago.” “Yes, wouldn’t you? Isn’t this salad delicious?” “I must get the recipe,” Laurie agreed. “Ask Cathy. I think this was her contribution tonight.” “It was?” Ken said with a laugh. “I didn’t know she could cook.” Denise leaned over to poke her spouse in the ribs. “Be nice.” She turned to Laurie, rolling her eyes. “Don’t listen to him. I'm not that bad! But he thinks I should be, that every

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woman should automatically know how to cook, like God passed out the ability with our genes, or something. Men!” How Laurie wished that were true! It would certainly help with her current problem of learning how to cook! Inevitably, the men’s conversation turned to their business. Ken apparently also worked with computers, although Laurie soon gathered that Ken worked regularly for the bank, and not for the computer company. The two men evidently didn’t always see eye to eye on things. They were soon in a heated argument over the best ways to safeguard the security of Ken’s bank’s computers. Laurie thought she knew quite a bit about computers, but soon felt completely lost as the two men’s conversation got more and more technical. “Come on, LaRae,” Denise said with a laugh as a waitress cleared their table. “That’s enough techno-babble. Let’s move inside. I think the band is about to start playing again.” She pressed a button and deftly steered her wheelchair through the sliding glass doors into the large family room. Most of the furniture had been placed against the walls, and the hardwood floor gleamed. Various chairs were lined up around the room, and several couples moved out to dance as the music started. Denise parked her wheelchair along the far wall, and Laurie took a chair beside her. “They aren’t really angry with each other, are they?” Laurie asked, with an anxious glance back to the table on the deck where Jass and Ken were still deep in discussion. “Of course not,” Denise said with a laugh. “They’ve enjoyed arguing since they learned to walk and talk together. Ken told me their Uncle Bill used to separate them when they got into fights as little boys. Bill claimed he never saw cousins who loved to scrap more than those two.”

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They were cousins? Come to think of it, they did look a lot alike. Both had the same lean, athletic build and dark brown hair and eyes. “What are those two arguing about now?” Cathy asked, sliding into a chair beside them. “Something to do with bank computer security,” Laurie said vaguely. “That figures. Nothing sets off Jass like dishonesty!” Laurie swallowed, her stomach tightening until her supper felt like a painful lump. What would Jass say when he learned she was living a lie? That was certainly dishonesty with a capital D! “Don’t be too hard on him, Cathy,” Denise put in quietly. “Maybe I never told you this, but Jass has a good reason for hating dishonesty. His mother lied to him when he was little and he’s been extra-sensitive on the subject ever since.” Laurie released the breath she hadn’t even realized she was holding. She listened intently, anxious to learn any new details she could about LaRae or Jass. “I didn’t know that,” Cathy was saying to Denise. “What happened?” Denise shrugged. “The usual face-saving white lie, really, and I can certainly understand his mother’s motive. She had divorced when he was just a baby and married again soon after. She didn’t want to answer questions about their bitter break-up, so she never told him that his stepfather wasn’t his real father. He found out the truth as a teenager and was really upset.” “Ye gods!” Cathy exclaimed. “I can imagine,” Laurie murmured. She dared not ask more, since she wasn’t sure how much of this she was supposed to already know. She felt as though she was

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sinking deeper and deeper into a whirlpool, and there would be hell to pay at the bottom. Since Denise was the guest of honor as well as the hostess, everyone stopped by to talk to her. Laurie tried to smile and be friendly to them all, since she wasn’t sure which were LaRae’s good friends and which weren’t. Following each person’s lead took a lot of concentration and energy, leaving her soon feeling exhausted. Laurie lost track of the number of times she murmured, “Thank you” to condolences on her sister’s death, and answered questions about her accident. At last, Jass rescued her by coming over and asking for a dance. “I’m not sure I can dance while I’m wearing this cast,” she said. “It’s a slow waltz. Come on, Honey.” “All right.” She rose and took his hand as they moved out onto the floor. “I don’t want you to feel left out. I know how much you like to dance,” he said, putting his arms around her. “I really don’t mind sitting on the sidelines, Jass. Denise and I were having a good time just talking.” “We’ll manage,” he insisted. They did manage several dances, with a few awkward moments that made Laurie giggle nervously. Jass wasn’t the best dancer in the world, but he seemed determined to please her. She relaxed in his arms and followed his lead, enjoying the delicious warmth of his loving embrace. After a while, she dared ask the question that had been bothering her. “You and Ken weren’t really fighting, were you? I mean, you aren’t angry with each other?” He laughed. “No, Honey, we’re not angry with each

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other. We just have different ways of looking at things. But I’m afraid I’m going to have to go to Denver for a few weeks soon, to sort out some problems at a branch there.” “Oh,” she said, her voice small. “I’m sorry,” he said, his arms tightening around her. “It’s okay.“ But it wasn’t. She hated the thought of being alone for weeks in a strange home. Suddenly she understood some of LaRae’s frustrations with his job. LaRae had been more of a social butterfly than she was, and had had few hobbies. Time alone at home must have dragged for her. The band shifted gears again and began a fast number. A fast-moving couple bumped into them making her gasp. Laurie and Jass moved to the sidelines to evade the other dancers and catch their breath. “Are you getting tired?” he asked, as she stumbled. “A little.” “Let’s go home, then.” “You don’t mind? It’s still early.” “Several couples have left already.” She’d had a good time, and was even beginning to feel that these people were really her friends. Like she belonged here. That was such a wonderful feeling! “Shouldn’t we help Denise and Ken clean up, or something?” He looked at her, then laughed. “They have servants, remember, Honey? Come on, let’s say good-night.” She’d goofed again. Later Laurie lay awake listening to Jass snore. She thought her goof hadn’t been as bad as it could have been. Or as it would be when he found out she wasn’t really his wife, she thought desperately. She remembered what Denise had said about Jass’s hating dishonesty. Would he consider her

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lie a betrayal, too? Or would he understand her reasons and forgive her? And, oh, God, he still didn’t know his wife was dead. He should be grieving LaRae, instead of thinking he was making love to her as he had only minutes ago. What a mess she’d gotten herself into this time! She plumped her pillow and turned over to bury her face into it and muffle her tears. At last she fell asleep and again dreamed of Emy’s murder. Again the faceless large man was pursuing the little girl. But, now the little girl wasn’t Emy, it was Susie. “No! No! Leave her alone! Go away!” she screamed. Jass sat up and shook her. “LaRae! Wake up! LaRae!” She sat up in bed, wide-eyed and trembling. He snapped on the bedside lamp, then cuddled her close in his arms. “It’s all right. It’s only a dream. I’m here, Honey.” “Oh!” She closed her arms and leaned into his strong arms for comfort. “I’m sorry to wake you.” “Another bad dream?” She nodded and shivered. “Susie’s in danger. I just know it.” “Susie? I thought your dreams were about Emy.” Shaking her head, she insisted, “No, Jass. Now the little girl in the dream is Susie. I just know it’s a warning of some kind. Someone is always chasing her.” “Warning? LaRae, that’s nonsense. It was only a dream. Dr. Henry said....” She pulled back. “I don’t care what that dumb doctor said! She’s in danger!” He regarded her calmly a moment, then asked, “Okay, suppose you’re right. Can you describe this person?”

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She glanced away, then resolutely turned back. “I never see him very clearly, but . . .like George, I think.” “George? That’s ridiculous. He loves Susie and is as kind as can be. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.” “I don’t believe it. I want you to fire him.” “No.” “No? You don’t care about us?” “LaRae, be reasonable. I know he scared you one day, Agnes told me about it, but that’s no reason to fire him. Someone has to do our yard work.” Her voice came out in an indignant squeak. “Get another man.” “Honey, you know George has been with other families in this neighborhood for years before we came. If there was any danger, we’d have heard about it long ago.” His calm gaze said volumes. She was over-reacting to her nightmare. Laurie swallowed and looked away. Perhaps he was right. Maybe she was being unreasonable, giving too much credence to a nightmare. At last she nodded agreement, and he kissed her, then turned off the light. He kept one arm protectively thrown across her as they settled back down to sleep. It was late when she awoke. The delicious odor of pancakes and coffee greeted her as she went downstairs. Jass stood at the kitchen range turning cakes on the griddle. Susie lay on the floor ‘reading’ the Sunday comic page with Trixie stretched out beside her. Agnes probably had the day off, Laurie realized. Diane was nowhere to be seen either. Evidently Sundays were family-only days. “Good morning.” “Morning, Honey. You feeling okay?” Jass asked, a

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look of concern on his face. She smiled at him and poured herself a cup of coffee. “I’m fine, Jass. Sorry to sleep so late.” “You needed the rest.” She sipped the coffee, then reached into the cupboard for the plates and cups Agnes had used for breakfast other days, taking them down one at a time. This cast is the pits, she thought as she began setting the table. Jass might be rescuing her today, but soon her cast would be off and she would be expected to feed her family. She had to learn how, and soon! She went to the refrigerator for the pitcher of juice, but it wasn’t there. They’d probably used the last of it yesterday. Opening the freezer, she found a frozen carton of concentrate and pulled open the tab, bracing it against the counter with her hip and pulling with her left hand. Oh, how she hated not being able to do things like this! “Here, let me do that!” Jass said, laying down his spatula. “I can do it,” she snapped. “I’m not helpless, you know.” “Okay, okay.” He lifted his hands in surrender and went back to the stove, pouring more batter on the griddle in neat rounds. It was easy to see it wasn’t his first try at making pancakes, she thought enviously. Where the heck would Agnes keep the pitcher? Laurie opened a couple of cabinet doors, found the juice glasses and put them out. But no pitcher. She felt Jass watching her, apparently not sure if he dared offer assistance again, after her testy refusal. As she glanced up at him, he asked, “What are you looking for?”

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“The pitcher. I can’t seem to find it.” “Bottom cupboard to your left where Agnes always puts it. It’s too tall for the upper cabinets.” He sounded puzzled at her temper, and she dared not look at him. She, herself, didn’t know why she felt so angry and frustrated, let alone how to explain her feelings to him. She mixed the juice and poured it, turning to Susie. “Go wash your hands, Susie. Breakfast is almost ready.” “I washed them when I got up this morning, Mommy,” Susie objected, getting up from the floor and coming to the table. “And you’ve been playing with Trixie since then. So wash them again,” Laurie told her firmly. “Daddy....” “Do as your mother says,” Jass said piling more pancakes on a plate. “I’ll wear out my skin, washing it so much,” Susie grumbled, heading for the downstairs bathroom. Her remark struck Laurie as very funny, and she began to giggle as she pulled the butter and syrup from the refrigerator. She set them down on the table quickly and grabbed a glass of water. “What’s gotten into you this morning, LaRae?” “Wearing out her skin,” she said, catching her breath. She sat down and picked up her juice. “What an imagination she has!” “Repetitive, too,” he said dryly, sitting down to eat. “She’s been using that same excuse for months.” Her laughter stilled. “Really? I didn't remember it.” Susie slid into her chair and helped herself to a pancake and butter. Jass picked up the bottle of syrup and frowned. “Cold

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syrup? You know I hate that, LaRae.” He got up and found the decanter. He poured the syrup into it and heated it in the microwave, then came back to the table. Not daring to look at him, she sipped her coffee. When he sat down again, she murmured, “Sorry, I forgot.” After they’d eaten, she insisted on helping put things away and loading the dishwasher. He seemed a bit surprised but said no more. Probably didn’t dare, she thought, after she’d snapped at him for not letting her do things earlier. Then Jass went to his study, and she read the Sunday comics to Susie. When Susie tired of that and turned on the television, Laurie pulled a couple of cookbooks off the shelf and sat in a soft chair to study them. One book was especially helpful in explaining various cooking terms and methods of preparation. She had little time to waste if she was going to learn to feed her new family before they became suspicious. Jass sat down at his desk to deal with the neglected household paperwork. He pulled out his checkbook and began dealing with the stack of waiting bills. When he’d first married, he’d hoped LaRae would take care of the household accounts. He, after all, had enough to worry about in sorting out computer problems for various banks and teaching their employees how to run the new programs he installed for them. He didn’t need to worry about paying the utility bills on time as well. But, after LaRae had fouled up and failed to pay several bills, he’d reluctantly taken on the job. He was almost finished when he came to their Visa bill. He opened it and couldn’t believe the total. Staring at the charges, he read them again, feeling the heat of an angry flush rising up his neck. A dozen large cash charges at an ATM machine in Las Vegas brought the total

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almost to their large credit limit. The dates of withdrawals began the day after he’d put LaRae on a plane, supposedly to California. He shoved back his chair and strode to the family room where she sat curled up in an easy chair, engrossed in a book. Susie lay on her tummy on the floor, her feet swinging up in the air as she watched television. He held out the bill to her. “What do you have to say about this, LaRae?” They both jumped at his angry words. Susie looked ready to cry. LaRae hastily rose and glared at him as she came forward. “You’re scaring Susie!” She stopped to reassure the little girl. “Don’t worry, Sweetheart, I’ll take care of it. Daddy’s just upset, but it’s not your fault. Just watch your program and I’ll be right back, okay?” Jass belatedly saw Susie’s face, and mumbled, “It’s okay, Susie.” Feeling like a heel, he allowed LaRae to push him ahead of her out into the hall and out of Susie’s hearing. They walked back to his office. Laurie closed the door, then faced him furiously. “Whatever has gotten into you, Jass? She’s only five. You’re upsetting her. Whatever is wrong, we don’t need to discuss it in front of her.” “I’m sorry, I didn’t think. What’s the meaning of this?” He thrust the bill at her and watched as she took it. She read it, then frowned and stared at it. He couldn’t keep the frustration and bitter sarcasm out of his voice. “It shouldn’t take you that long to figure it out, LaRae. You stopped in Las Vegas to hit the slot machines for a few days before you went to see Laurie, didn’t you? All

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these cash withdrawals were for gambling, weren’t they? And two nights in a fancy hotel.” She said nothing, just raised her eyes and stared at him. The shocked and bewildered look on her face made him even angrier. What kind of game was she playing now? “How could you do this, LaRae? You promised you wouldn’t gamble anymore.” Laurie remembered LaRae saying she was having a little fun while she was out from under his thumb. So this was what she had meant. Laurie swallowed and folded up the bill. “I’m sorry, Jass. I’ll pay this myself from my stock fund, of course. It shouldn’t come out of the household account. Forget it. It won’t happen again.” He reached for the bill. “You don’t need to do that. I’ve told you I don’t want you spending that money. I’ll take care of it.” She put it behind her, refusing to give it up. “No.” She raised her chin, her voice adamant. Jass sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “You just don’t get it, do you?” he asked. “The money isn’t important, LaRae. It’s the lies. You broke a promise to me.” He sighed and knit his brows. “I don’t know you anymore. I can’t trust you.” Pain streaked through her at his words. She bit her lip. Laurie remembered what Denise had said about his mother lying to him about his father. How it had scarred him and how much he hated dishonesty because of it. Oh, God, what a mess. “I’m sorry, Jass. I won’t let it happen again.” He seemed to weaken and gave a shrug. “Oh, hell, LaRae. Okay, let’s forget it. I’m going out for some golf. I need some exercise.”

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Chapter 11 Laurie sighed and went back to the family room. Susie was still lying on the floor, watching television. She looked up when Laurie entered, a worried look on her face. “Is Daddy still mad?” “No. He was only upset about a bill. You know, grownup, business stuff, Sweetheart. Everything’s okay.” “Then why is he leaving?” “He’s just going out to play golf for a while. He’ll be back in time for supper.” I hope. Her stomach felt queasy. She hated being at odds with anyone, and she had no idea how Jass usually reacted to a quarrel. Did he get over anger easily, or did he hold a grudge? There was so much to learn about him and being thrown into living with him was definitely doing it the hard way. Laurie smiled reassuringly at Susie, and settled back in her easy chair with her cookbook. She realized now that taking a cooking class, and trying to hide it from Jass would just add to the lies. It was a bad idea. She’d have to learn to cook on her own, from these books and from watching Agnes. When Susie had turned her attention back to the television, Laurie opened the bill and read it carefully. Jass

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was right. LaRae must have stopped in Las Vegas for the three days prior to her arrival in California. All of the charges on those days were either at an expensive hotel or were for large cash withdrawals at an ATM machine. LaRae’s idea of having a good time away from her husband evidently ran to partying and gambling. Had she been alone? Laurie felt even sicker to her stomach. No wonder Jass was angry. Had LaRae been unfaithful? More important, did Jass think she had been? If he did, then, she, Laurie, was the one who was going to have to earn his forgiveness for LaRae, and win back his trust. Even though she wasn’t guilty. Well, . . . she was not guilty of that act of dishonesty, at least. But when he found out how she was really deceiving him, he was going to be even more disgusted with her. The long, quiet Sunday dragged on. Laurie read for a while, then heated frozen dinners for herself and Susie for lunch. Afterward, she read to Susie, and practiced playing bridge on the computer while Susie napped. Bored, she began going through LaRae’s desk. A folder with the familiar name of her late father’s stockbroker, “Louis Elton” on it caught her eye. She remembered Mr. Elton as a silver-haired, though admittedly attractive, playboy type. Surely LaRae wasn’t still dealing with that old man! She’d assumed he would have retired years ago. A picture of Louis with his pipe, laughing and talking with her father before they went into his den flashed into her mind. She’d never liked the man because he’d always insisted on kissing both girls and pinching their cheeks, but her father had liked and trusted him. Laurie opened the large manila envelope she’d found and leafed through it. It contained his brokerage firm’s statements of many stock transactions over the past five

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years. She read through the most recent ones in dismay and disbelief. LaRae had evidently given him free reign to manage her share of their father’s estate, and Louis was churning it for all he could get in brokerage fees. Whatever had LaRae been thinking of? Laurie’s dismay turned to anger. She’d fix this in short order! The man was a crook! She tried the phone number on the sheet in front of her. When it rang unanswered, she remembered it was Sunday and his office was closed. She found the telephone book and hunted up his home number. Also no answer. After studying the statements a while longer, she sat down at her computer and drafted him a formal letter of withdrawal, ordering him to sell those stocks she didn’t approve of and send her a check for the proceeds. She ordered a transfer of the stocks she approved into her own name so that only she had control of them, listing each by name and number of shares, as per his last statement. She ended by an order to close her account when all those transfers were completed. Then she printed it out, signed it, and took it out to the mailbox at the end of their driveway, still seething with anger. How could LaRae have let him get away with this? Surely she’d learned enough by listening to her parents discuss the ways of the stock market and brokerage firms to have known better, hadn’t she? She could still see herself and her sister, giggling and rolling their eyes at each other when their parents began those conversations at the dinner table. But, disgusted or not, she’d learned a lot and still remembered much of what the adults had said.

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Surely inheriting a sizable amount of stocks would have made LaRae do the same? Evidently not. There was no evidence that she had overseen Louis. No memos or records of phone calls to Louis directing buy or sell orders. Of course, she could have done it without noting it in her records. But there wasn’t any stock market information such as financial books on her shelves or financial newsletters in her files. When she stopped to think about it, Laurie remembered her sister had always hated math in any form. Perhaps it had seemed natural to just let her father’s broker continue to handle everything as he saw fit. But why hadn’t Jass objected? She would certainly ask him as soon as he got home. Provided he’d cooled off from the other fiasco of the day, she remembered, pulling a face. Then she realized she couldn’t ask Jass. She was supposed to be LaRae, who would know all this already! She would have to deal with it on her own, and play it all by ear, one step at a time. Late in the afternoon, the telephone rang. Laurie grabbed it, hoping it would be Jass. Instead she heard Aunt Martha’s voice, sounding strangely muffled. “LaRae. Thank . . . goodness.” “Aunt Martha, what’s wrong?” “I need help. I...think I’m sick or . . . something. I feel funny.” Fear tightened Laurie’s throat and she gripped the phone hard. “Funny? How?” “I . . . can’t move my arm very well and my tongue . . . feels thick. I think I must have fallen asleep in my chair, and now I’m all stiff and can’t get up.” “I’ll get an ambulance.”

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“Ambulance? But . . . I don’t think I need . . .” “Yes. I’ll be right there, okay? Just stay right there and wait for me.” Which was a dumb thing to tell Martha if she couldn’t move, Laurie thought, trying not to panic. She hung up and dialed 911. Forcing herself to speak calmly, she explained the problem and gave them directions to Martha’s house. Hanging up, she ran to find Susie. Jass was not going to be happy if she drove, but she had no choice. She had to go to Aunt Martha and there was no one else here to drive them. Susie was in her room, and looked up in surprise as Laurie dashed in. “Come, get your jacket. We have to go help Aunt Martha. She’s sick. Do you know where my car keys are?” “You and Daddy always put keys on the hook in the kitchen, Mommy. Did you look there?” They ran back downstairs, Laurie praying the little girl was right. The keys were there. Thank goodness for a child’s sharp eyes. She awkwardly penned a quick note to Jass, and locked the door behind them. Amazingly, the car in the garage was almost identical to the one LaRae had rented in San Francisco. It gave Laurie an eerie feeling to get behind the wheel, but she had no time to think about LaRae or their accident. She remembered seeing Jass pull down his visor and push a button to work the garage door opener, and reached up to her visor. She was right. A similar device was clipped to the one in her car, and she quickly pressed the button. As the noisy door rolled up out of the way, she started the engine and backed out, pressing the button again to close the garage behind her.

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“I thought Daddy said you couldn’t drive with one hand, Mommy?” “Of course I can, Sweetheart. He just didn’t want me to. See, I’m doing fine. Besides, it’s an emergency.” “Is Daddy going to be mad at you again?” “Maybe." She turned to give Susie a reassuring smile. "It’s not important. He’ll understand when we tell him Aunt Martha needed us.” Thanking her lucky stars for light traffic, Laurie drove as fast as she dared. From what Martha had told her, she felt sure her aunt had suffered a stroke. The ambulance crew was trying to get into Martha’s house as she arrived. She jumped out and ran to them. “Do you have a key?” “No.” “The door’s locked, and she doesn’t answer.” “Break the glass. She needs help, now.” Luckily, the door was an old-fashioned one with a large window. They were able to reach in and unlock the door. Martha was sitting in her chair by the phone, conscious, but apparently unable to get up to unlock the door. Laurie ran to her and knelt beside her. “I can’t seem to get out of my chair.” There was a worried look on her face and her words came out thick and slow. “We’re going to take you to the hospital, Aunt Martha.” “I suppose. Something seems to . . . be wrong.” The ambulance crew was taking her pulse and blood pressure. Martha frowned as they took their tests. Laurie sought to re-assure her. “We’ll just have you checked out to find out what’s the matter, Aunt Martha. I’m

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sure you’ll be fine.” She prayed that would be true. They lifted Martha into the ambulance. Laurie and Susie got into their car and followed it back to Canton to the hospital next to the clinic she’d visited only days before. A worried look on her face, Susie turned to Laurie as they drove. “Is she going to be okay, Mommy?” For Susie’s sake, Laurie tried to smile cheerfully. “I hope so, Susie. They’ll take good care of her.” Once inside the emergency door, Martha was whisked out of sight and Laurie and Susie were shown to a waiting room down the hall. Susie picked up a children’s magazine to look at, but Laurie could only pace, worrying. When Dr. Henry appeared later, he confirmed her fears. It had indeed been a stroke, but it would be a while before they could assess how much damage it had done. Aunt Martha would need to remain in the hospital. They could see her for just a minute. Aunt Martha was very pale but Laurie felt re-assured at seeing her. When she fell asleep a few minutes later, they returned to the waiting room to find Jass there, pacing. His dark hair was disheveled, as though he’d been running his hands through it. “Daddy!” Susie cried and ran to him. Laurie watched him stoop and hug his daughter, then he looked up, his eyes searching her face. She braced herself for his anger about her driving, but instead he asked, “How is Martha?” Relieved, Laurie explained what the doctor had told her, and added, “I’m sure you can go in, but she was asleep a minute ago. She’s in the second room on your right down the

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hall. We’ll wait here for you.” When he returned, he asked, “Have you eaten?” “No, but I don’t want to leave just yet. The doctor said he’d be back in a couple of hours.” “LaRae, she’s asleep. A nurse is keeping an eye on her, and we all need some food.” “I suppose you’re right.” “We could go down to the hospital cafeteria. Or there’s a fried chicken place a couple of blocks from here.” “Fried chicken,” Susie put in. “Whatever you two want,” Laurie said. She picked up Susie’s jacket and held it for her as Susie slid her arms into it. Jass did the same for Laurie, and they went out into the cool spring night. “Look, Mommy! There’s the first star. Make a wish.” Laurie closed her eyes. She wished with all her might Martha would get well. And she, Laurie, could remain in this family and win Jass’s love. If only wishing could make it so. Over their meal, she told Jass all about Martha’s call and their rushed trip to the hospital. “I’m just so glad she was able to talk and could call me,” Laurie said. “And near enough to the phone, since she was unable to move,” he agreed. “I shudder to think that otherwise she could have sat there all night before someone realized anything was wrong.” “Oh, my gosh,” she exclaimed. “What?” “We had to break the glass in her front door to get in. Her house is open to anyone!” Jass put his hand over hers across the table. “Don’t worry about it, Honey. I’ll have George fix it.”

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She smiled. “Thanks.” After they finished eating, Jass drove her back to the hospital, then said, “I’ll take Susie home and come back.” “I want to stay here, too.” “No, Susie. It’s almost your bedtime. Little girls need their beauty sleep, you know.” “Oh, Daddy,” she giggled. “You’d better stay with Susie. I have the car.” “I know. She’ll be fine. I’m sure Diane is home by now.” True to his word, Jass came back. He sat down in a plastic chair beside her in the hospital waiting room. They had the austere small room all to themselves. She sat in silence, awaiting his reaction to her driving. He was apparently not going to mention her it, so she broached the subject herself. “I’m sorry I drove after you told me not to, Jass. I couldn’t think of any other solution.” Jass smiled at her, a bit wryly. “I thought about that all the way into town after I read your note, LaRae.” “Then you’re not mad at me?” He took her in his arms and kissed her, then smoothed back her hair and nuzzled her neck. “Of course not. How can I stay mad at you? I’m sure you did fine. Besides, rules usually go out the window in emergencies, don’t they?” Relieved, she laughed and nodded agreement. “Then you’ll let me drive in to see her when you’re at work?” “Only when I’m not around to drive you.” At her frown, he sighed. “As you said, your father used to drive with one finger on the wheel. But I still don’t think it was a good idea.” “I know it wasn’t. Thanks for not being angry with me, Jass.” She cast him a rueful grin. He did understand. In fact, he seemed as worried about her aunt as she was herself. When at last they talked to the doctor again, he had no

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further news. Martha awoke for a while and Laurie and Jass talked to her, promising to return in the morning. Every day, Laurie drove into town to see her aunt. She was so upset about Martha’s stroke, she almost forgot about her discovery of Louis Elton’s mishandling of her sister’s stocks. She’d come home for lunch three days later when he reached her by phone. “LaRae! At last. I’ve called and called, but your housekeeper keeps telling me you’re out.” “Yes. I’ve been very busy.” She explained about Aunt Martha’s hospitalization, knowing Mr. Elton knew her, too, although he lived in the next town. “Sorry to hear about it. I’ll send the dear lady some flowers. But, what’s this about selling stocks and closing your account, LaRae, honey? I was very disappointed to get your letter.” I’ll just bet you were. No more big commissions from LaRae this year. His voice went on in a plaintive tone. “I’ve been doing business with your daddy since you were just a little tyke.” He managed to make it sound as though she was deserting a family tradition, instead of doing business with a firm. Her fingers tightened on the telephone. “I’m sorry, Mr. Elton. But I’ve decided to take over managing these stocks myself, so I won’t need your services any longer. Please follow the directions in my letter immediately.” “Aren’t you satisfied with the way I’ve been doing things?” “No, Mr. Elton, I’m not. I’m in the market for the long haul. I don’t like this frequent trading in and out of stocks. I

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believe it’s called ‘churning an account' in the industry, isn’t it?” There was a long silence on his end. “But you never said anything before. And I’ve made you a bit of money over the years doing that, you know. Not as much as we could have, if the market had gone our way more often, but still, a nice piece of change.” "And a heck of a lot more for yourself in commissions!" The sharp retort was out before she could stop it. She bit her tongue to hold back further angry comment and ended the conversation as politely as she could. Returning to her lunch, she found she was no longer hungry. “I’m going back to the hospital, Agnes,” she said, and picked up her purse and walked out. Jass was surprised when his secretary buzzed him over the intercom, announcing a phone call from Louis Elton. He’d had no business dealings with LaRae’s stockbroker and didn’t like him. He was quite sure the feeling was mutual. However, he said, “Put him on.” Then, “Yes, Mr. Elton. What can I do for you?” “Well, Jass, you can set my mind at ease about your wife. Has she been feeling okay?” “LaRae? Yes, her injuries are healing nicely, Mr. Elton. Why do you ask?” “Well . . . I got the strangest letter, requesting the sale of a lot of stock for cash that she wants sent to her. I’m not sure what I should do about it.” LaRae was selling a lot of stock? Why? What was she up to now? He wanted to ask more details, but bit his tongue. Instead, he said confidently, “Did you ask her about it? It’s really not my business.”

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“Well, yes, I talked to her. But she’s all upset right now about Martha, you know. So I doubt she’s thinking straight.” In other words, she didn’t back down to you. That’s a switch. What’s gotten into her lately? “Mr. Elton, it’s her money, isn’t it? I’d suggest you do as she ordered.” “Well, but, um, well, as her husband, couldn’t you talk some sense into her or something?” “No.” Mr. Elton’s voice rose to a whine. “How’s she gonna take care of all this without me? I mean, she even wants the stock put in her own name, for Pete’s sake. And she wants to close her account with my firm that she’s had since her father died!” Well, well, well. Maybe LaRae was getting smart after all and getting rid of this jerk! “Mr. Elton, you know those stocks were an inheritance from LaRae’s father. I’ve never interfered in how she handled the money, and I have no intention of starting now.” “But . . . you’re her husband! She’ll listen to you!” “No. Good day, Sir.” He hung up, and sat staring at the wall. He’d meant what he’d told the man. But what was LaRae really up to? He was willing to bet she knew nothing about stocks. Had she met some interesting new stockbroker, and was switching her account to his firm? Over the next couple of weeks, Martha slowly improved. Her speech patterns returned to normal, but she was still very weak and needed a walker even to get to the bathroom, a few steps from her bed. Laurie drove in to see her almost every day, and spent time helping her gain strength by walking up and down the

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hospital hallway. Soon she was moved to another part of the hospital. At breakfast one morning Laurie told Jass, “My cast comes off today. Dr. Henry said I’ll get a brace to wear for a couple more weeks.” “That’s nice.” She frowned at him, but he was reading his paper and she doubted he’d seen her reaction. Was he even listening to her? Irritation in her voice, she said, “Yes, it will be nice, Jass. Especially since I will be able to take it off to shower and put on my clothes.” He lowered his paper and met her gaze. “Do you want me to go with you for the appointment?” She gaped at him, not expecting that response. “Why? I’ve been driving into town to see Aunt Martha anyway. It’s right next door.” It was Jass’ turn to look surprised. “I don’t know. You always asked me to before.” LaRae had? Whatever for? “I’ll be fine,” she said firmly. Jass might as well get used to her doing things for herself. She couldn’t stand being treated like a child. Agnes brought in the mail, and handed it to Jass. He sorted through it, laying the bills to one side. “Put those on my desk for now, will you, LaRae? I’ll go through them tonight if I get a chance.” Laurie reached for them, saying, “Why don’t you let me write the checks for these and mail them, Jass? I have more time than you do.” He stared at her. “Sure, if you want to. Is there enough money left in your household account?” “Yes, of course. I haven’t been anywhere to spend any money except lunches at the hospital for Susie and me.”

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He stood and reached for his briefcase. Leaning over her for a quick kiss good-bye, he said, “Good. I’ll see you tonight, then. Let’s go, Susie.” LaRae watched them leave, then opened the Tribune. A large ad for Mother’s Day gifts brought tears to her eyes. It reminded her that her own mother was dead and Aunt Martha, the closest substitute for a mother in her life, was very old and ill. After her doctor’s appointment, she’d stop at the greenhouse and buy Martha another bouquet of flowers. When LaRae awoke Sunday morning, she could smell coffee and pancakes. As usual, Jass was up early, fixing breakfast. She hurried through her toilet and went to the kitchen. A large bouquet of red roses adorned the breakfast table. Jass grinned at her surprise, then turned back to flip the pancakes on the griddle. Susie jumped up and down and handed her the card. “Read it, Mommy. I helped pick these out.” She handed her the card, and pushed a prettily wrapped package toward her as well. The card read, “Happy Mother’s Day.” With shaking fingers, she opened the package, trying to smile at Susie through her tears. She pulled back the soft tissue paper. A lovely white silk blouse nestled inside. “It’s beautiful, Susie, Jass. Thank you.” She swallowed, trying to contain her tears. They were so sweet. She didn’t deserve it. Why should they celebrate her being a mother when she wasn’t? She was only Susie’s aunt! She lost the battle to hold back the tears. Getting up quickly, she ran for her bedroom. She closed the door and

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threw herself face down on her bed. Burying her head in her pillow, she tried to muffle her sobs. Jass walked in and sat on the edge of her bed turning her to face him. “LaRae? What’s wrong?” She looked up and he reached out to stroke her cheek. He pulled a tissue from the box on her bedside table and wiped away her tears. More tears rolled down. “Nothing, I’m f...fine.” “Honey? Come on, now, don’t cry. You know I hate it when you cry. Didn’t you like the roses? Red roses are your favorite, aren’t they? Is it the blouse?” She shook her head. “They’re both lovely, Jass. Please, go feed Susie and eat your breakfast. I’ll be out in a minute.” His voice held a stubborn edge. ”Not until you tell me what’s the matter.” Laurie sighed and caught her breath, swallowing her sobs. He wasn’t going to leave her alone. “I...I just had to have a cry. You know, Mother’s Day and all that.” She sniffed. He handed her more tissues and she blew her nose. “I guess it just hit me that my mother and...and sister are gone, and Aunt Martha is so weak.” “Of course. I see,” he said, and put his arms around her to give her a hug. “I’m sorry. I’ll be all right in a minute. Go out to Susie.” “Come have some breakfast and you’ll feel better,” he urged. He got off the bed and went to the door, then turned back to ask, “Coming?” She smiled encouragingly. “In a minute.” He left. She got up and splashed her face with cold water. As she dried it, she remembered Jass had said his mother, Nora, lived in Minneapolis and wintered in an apartment in Arizona.

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Had Jass remembered her? Or, like many wives, had that been up to her? Had she goofed again by not sending LaRae’s mother-in-law flowers or calling her to wish her a ‘Happy Mother’s Day?’ Laurie put on a cheerful face and went back to the kitchen. Susie and Jass were finished eating, but Jass had put a plate of pancakes in the oven for her. Susie, evidently not knowing what to think of her mother’s outburst of tears, eyed her warily. Then she turned her attention back to the Sunday comics. Laurie managed to get a couple of the fluffy cakes down. “Delicious, as usual, Jass,” she said, in an attempt at normal conversation. He smiled tentatively. She drank her coffee, then asked, “Did you remember to send your mother something, Jass?” He stared at her, then said, “Yes, Honey, I did. We have a standing order for her at the greenhouse, remember?” “Oh. We do?” She bit her lip and attempted a smile. “Sorry, Jass. Another thing that I...guess I forgot.” “We always take her out for dinner on Mother’s Day. I called her earlier and made reservations as usual for five o’clock. If we leave here about three forty-five, we’ll have plenty of time to pick her up. Does that sound okay?” Laurie gasped in dismay, but tried to keep her expression neutral. Of course, she’d known she’d have to meet Jass’ mother sooner or later. She was lucky to have avoided her this long. She wondered how LaRae and Nora had gotten along. Had they been the proverbial enemies of sit-com mother-in-law jokes? Or had they liked each other? Laurie dared not ask, nor dared she ask where they were going since he’d said, ’as usual.’ She was supposed to

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already know where they were going. Damn, but she was tired of playing this game! In as calm a voice as she could muster, she said, “Oh, sure. Whatever you think. Will Diane be back in time to stay with Susie?” “No, I don’t think so. I thought we’d take her with us. Mom hasn’t seen Susie for months, and Susie would love to see her, too.” “I’m sure.” Had Susie been out to eat at a fancy restaurant before? Would she know how to act? More important, Laurie thought, will I act like a proper mother if she doesn’t behave?

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Chapter 12 Susie hopped excitedly from foot to foot as Laurie helped her dress for their dinner out. “Can I wear my new Easter dress, Mommy?” Her Easter dress? Laurie looked at the row of outfits in Susie’s closet. Although she usually wore slacks and blouses or T-shirts to school, she wore dresses to church and Sunday school. So there were several that might have been the special one. “I was still in the hospital at Easter, Sweetheart. Which one was your Easter dress?” “This one.” Susie pulled out a royal blue dress with a white lace collar. “Daddy and Aunt Martha helped me buy it. Isn’t it pretty?” It was. A bit old-fashioned in style, but it was charming and the color went well with Susie’s blonde hair. “It's lovely. It’ll be fine. In you go.” With pride in her voice, Susie confided, “The store lady said the blue color matches my eyes.” “That it does.” Susie raised her arms and Laurie helped her slip it over her head. “Grandma hasn’t seen it yet, either. Do you think she’ll like it?” Laurie pursed her lips. She’d better. I won’t have my little girl hurt. “Of course, she will.”

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Susie turned her back so Laurie could close the button at the back of her neck. ”Wear your white tights and slippers, Sweetheart. We have to hurry, now. We don’t want to keep Grandma waiting, and it’s a long drive before we pick her up.” Listening to Susie’s chatter all the way into town made the hour’s drive seem short to Laurie. She tried to hide her nervousness at meeting Nora. She remembered seeing pictures of Jass’ mother in LaRae’s wedding album. She recalled a tall, slender woman with graying dark brown hair and a wide mouth. A thought occurred to her, and she wondered what LaRae had called Jass’ mother. Please, not Mom or Mother. I can’t bear to call her that. She wondered if Nora would like her, but she could only do her best to be polite. She wondered if Jass knew LaRae had referred to Nora as a witch in her letters to Laurie. Had she also complained about Nora to Jass? Had they quarreled openly? If so, why? What had gone wrong between LaRae and her mother-in-law? Staring out the car window at the passing landscape, Laurie wondered how she was supposed to act. She’d have to play it by ear, one note at a time. Susie had sounded as though her grandmother was nice, so Laurie pushed away her doubts. She couldn’t believe a woman who inspired such love in a little girl could be all that bad. She’d deal with each incident as it appeared and hope for the best. That was all she could do now. She’d hope Nora would let the past remain in the past, as well. Life was too short to worry about or try to settle LaRae’s old quarrels.

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Jass pulled up in front of his mother’s new brick condominium and parked. He glanced at LaRae. She seemed a bit nervous, as she usually was when she was around his mother. Why couldn’t the two women he loved most in the world get along? Luckily, his mother demanded little time from LaRae, preferring to have lunch with him occasionally when he was in town. The two women had spent little time together. “Try to get along with Mom for a change, eh, LaRae?” She looked at him indignantly. “Of course.” “I’ll see if she’s ready.” “Should we come with you?” “No need to, I’m sure she’s waiting in the front lounge. We’ll be right back.” Jass walked through the glass doors into the building. When he returned with his mother, LaRae was sitting in the back with Susie. Nora seemed pleased to sit in front with him and greeted LaRae with warmth. She answered pleasantly enough and they proceeded to the restaurant without acrimony. “What a lovely dress, Susie,” Nora said, turning around to smile at her granddaughter. Jass glanced in the rear-view mirror to see both his wife and daughter wore pleased smiles in return. Well, they were off to a good start today. “Thank you, Grandma. Daddy and my Aunt Martha helped me buy it for Easter.” “That was nice.” Susie cheerfully told Nora all about her shopping trip to the department store. Jass noted LaRae seemed as interested in Susie’s tale of adventures in the mall as Nora was. But then, anything that had to do with shopping interested LaRae.

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The restaurant was a large one, and already crowded in spite of the early hour. As soon as they got inside, Susie began to fuss to go to the bathroom. “Hush, Sweetheart. I’ll take you as soon as we're seated at a table,” LaRae said. They were given a table, and after asking directions from the hostess, LaRae disappeared with Susie to the restrooms in the rear. Jass grinned at his mother. “Sorry. It’s a long drive for a five year old, you know.” “Of course. I’m glad we have a minute alone. Does LaRae seem all right to you?” Immediately cautious, he asked, “What do you mean?” He poured coffee for them from the pot the waitress had placed on the table. “All right after the accident, I mean.” She smoothed back a stray lock of graying hair. “There was no lasting damage from her injuries?” “No, Mom, she’s fine. She has some memory loss, but her arm is healing nicely and you can barely notice the scar from the cut on her cheek.” A tentative smile spread across Nora’s lined face. She reached out a hand to touch him. “Good. I’ve been so worried, Jass.” LaRae and Susie returned and dinner continued in a pleasant tone. The service was good and the food delicious. Susie was on her best behavior. Once Jass held his breath when his mother questioned LaRae. “I tried calling a couple of times this week, but only got the housekeeper,” Nora said in an irritated tone of voice. “I’m sorry. I’ve been very busy with Aunt Martha. Jass promised to return your call. He did, didn’t he?” She looked at him for support.

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Jass smiled at Nora. “Of course I did.” His mother’s questions seemed a bit abrupt, but LaRae had answered smoothly enough. “We talked several times this week. You remember that I told you about Martha’s stroke, Mother.” LaRae added, “I'm sorry. I really should have called you, too. Did you have a good winter in Arizona?” Nora seemed pleased at her apology, and immediately began telling them all about the retirement village where she spent her winters. Even Susie was entertained by her stories about the neighbor’s pets and the eccentric little lady next door who kept the neighborhood entertained. Jass thought LaRae watched Susie a little too carefully, but otherwise the dinner went smoothly. Susie insisted on chocolate ice cream, which Nora indulgently helped her finish when Susie said she was too full. Jass held his breath when Susie began telling Nora all about the kindergarten graduation ceremony coming up in just two weeks. LaRae never liked having Nora come to that sort of thing, since it would mean having Nora stay overnight at their house. But now, LaRae just smiled and said, “Of course you must come. It will be an important day for Susie, you know.” Nora raised her eyebrows, then hedged, “Oh, but you know I don’t drive any more.” “It’s on a Friday night. Jass can pick you up after work, then drive you back whenever you want on Saturday or Sunday.” Jass almost choked. On Sunday? How will I keep the two of them from each other’s throats for two days? Nora’s face lit up. “Thanks for inviting me, LaRae. I’d love to come,” she said, “but I must be back for my bridge

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club at two on Saturday. Could you get me home in time, Jass?” He gave a sigh of relief and nodded. A few hours he could handle. “No problem, Mom.” LaRae looked pleased. “Then it’s all settled.” Susie clapped her hands. “Oh, goody. You can sleep in the spare bedroom across the hall from me, Grandma.” They drove Nora home, and Jass walked his mother to her door. “Thanks for a pleasant evening, Mom. I’ll call you soon.” Giving him a hug, she said, “Thank you for a lovely dinner, Jass. I’m looking forward to Susie’s big day. Goodnight.” LaRae moved back to the front seat, allowing Susie to lie down in the back. Susie fell asleep long before they arrived home. Jass looked at LaRae when they paused at a stoplight. “Thanks for going out of your way to be nice to Mom tonight, Honey.” She turned wide eyes to him, her brows dipping in a puzzled frown. “Going out of my way?” “You know, letting her sit up in front with me. She hates sitting in the back seat. Apologizing for not returning her call, too, even though I’d agreed to do it.” “But...” The light changed and he took the entrance to the freeway, keeping an eye on the traffic. He tossed her a smile, then turned back to watch the road. “And inviting her to Susie’s graduation. I really appreciate your efforts to get along with her.” Laurie managed to smile and say only, “Thanks. Glad to do it.”

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But she didn't feel as if she'd done anything out of the ordinary, only the polite things she would have done for her own mother or aunt. She didn’t know what had gone wrong between LaRae and Nora earlier, and couldn’t ask. But there was evidently blame on both sides, if Jass thought her behavior today was unusual enough to comment on it. When they arrived home, Jass carried Susie upstairs and helped Laurie put her to bed. Reaching over to kiss his daughter goodnight, he glanced up at her and whispered, “I’ll meet you in the shower.” She grinned. “Save me some hot water.” In a few minutes, she joined him there under the warm spray. He soaped her and leaned over to kiss her lips. Careful of her still tender arm, he caressed her all over. She returned the favor. Rushing to dry themselves, they got into bed and finished what they’d started. Hands and mouths had never seemed more urgent. The warm glow of their pleasant evening carried over to make their lovemaking the best ever. Afterward, Laurie, sure she had never loved anyone more than she did Jass, fell asleep in his arms. After breakfast the next Friday, Jass was about to leave for work when he said, “By the way, fishing season opens tomorrow. Anybody want to get up at five o’clock in the morning to go out with me?” Susie jumped up and down in excitement. “I will, Daddy. I will.” At five a.m.? Yikes! “Oh, I don’t know, Susie,” Laurie said. “Are you sure she'll be safe in a boat, Jass?” Susie sent her an angry stare, then her lip began

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trembling. “Going out in the boat with Daddy is more funner than watching cartoons, Mommy. I promise to wear my life jacket every minute. Agnes always makes us a good lunch to eat on the boat.” She turned to look appealingly at Agnes, who grinned and nodded agreement. Laurie looked at Jass doubtfully, and gasped in surprise when she saw how he stood, stiff and angry. “You could go with us if you don’t trust me to watch her, LaRae,” Jass said, his voice tight. “You might find you even like it.” Now she’d made him angry. Had LaRae let Susie go out fishing with him before? She wracked her brain for any kind of compromise, but nothing came to her. “I don’t know....” “We’ll talk about it tonight. I’ll get a family license, so you can both go if you want to. Where’s your backpack, Susie? We’ve got to run.” Laurie watched them leave, her thoughts in turmoil. Agnes tossed her a strange look and turned back to the sink. With a despairing sigh, Laurie picked up the mail Agnes had left on the table. She wasn’t succeeding very well in playing mother and wife by ear. When Agnes went into town for groceries later, Laurie decided to try making a batch of chocolate chip cookies. She’d memorized the terms and various instructions for preparing many of the simpler meals in her cookbooks and felt it was time to try her hand at it. She found all the ingredients and carefully measured them out, then mixed the dough and dropped spoonfuls on a cookie sheet just as the pictures in the cookbook instructed. She turned on the oven and put the sheet of cookies into it. Setting the timer, she began dropping spoonfuls of

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dough on the second sheet. Just then the phone rang and she went to answer it. When she returned, the timer had chimed, but the cookies still looked wet and doughy. Frowning, she poked at them. Nope, definitely not done. She bit her lip and closed the oven door. How long should she wait now? She looked every couple of minutes, and they finally looked done. Ah. The cookbook had listed the amount of baking time wrong. Probably a typo. Pleased, she took them out and put the next batch in. This time she set the timer for the new amount of time and grabbed a spatula to take the first cookies off the sheet and put them on the wire rack to cool. Proud of her success, she once again filled the pan with spoonfuls of dough. When the phone rang again she grabbed the timer to take it with her. It chimed and she cut her conversation short and opened the oven door. A cloud of black smoke billowed out. She gasped in dismay and grabbed the pan. Ruined. Why hadn’t they been done the first time, in the allotted time, and now when she left them in the same amount of time as the first pan, they burned? Vowing to stay right there and watch them this time, she put in the next pan. Then she scraped the blackened mess into the sink and turned on the garbage disposal and water. As she opened the window and turned on the kitchen fan to eliminate some of the smoke and odor, she saw Agnes return with the groceries. Between peeks through the glass oven door, she sheepishly explained what had happened. Agnes just laughed saying, “I’ll bet you forgot to preheat the oven, LaRae.” “Preheat?” She nodded. “If you put the first pan full in when the

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oven is cold, it takes longer than the recipe says. But it's the right temperature when you put in the next batch, so it bakes as fast as the recipe says. You added minutes, so they burned.” “Sounds simple when you explain it.” Laurie checked the oven again. Perfect. She removed the pan and closed the oven, then carefully lifted the cookies onto the cooling rack. “Looking great, LaRae. You’ll get back to being a great cook again soon. You just keep on trying, you hear?” “I will, Agnes.” “You going fishing in the morning?” Agnes looked sideways at her as she put bags of vegetables into the freezer. Laurie nodded. She hadn’t fished since she’d gone with her father as a teen. But she’d probably remember enough to get by. “Good. I knew you’d come ‘round.” Jass woke them early the next morning. When she buried her head under the covers, he said, “Sure you still want to go?” The disappointment in his voice did it. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. “Yes, of course.” “Good. I’ll go take stuff out to the boat while you and Susie get dressed. Wear warm clothes. It’s only about fifty degrees out this morning.” “Okay.” Twenty minutes later they walked down to the dock where Jass was waiting for them beside a large fishing boat. Oh, it’s a beauty! she thought, standing back to admire the pretty blue and white aluminum craft. She didn’t dare say so, however, for fear they’d owned it for years. Day was just beginning to break, and a stiff wind was

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blowing. Jass helped them in, handed Laurie her lifejacket and helped Susie fasten hers in place. Then he settled into the driver’s seat and turned the key. At once the big motor roared to life. He eased them out of shallow water, sped up and headed out across the lake. “Where are we going?” Laurie asked, raising her voice to be heard over the noise of the motor. “The north cove. We’ll be more sheltered from the wind there. Look,” he pointed across the lake. “The sun’s coming up.” They watched the pink glow on the horizon brighten to reveal a large red ball, that seemed to shrink as it rose higher in the sky. “Beautiful!” She cuddled Susie against her, thankful for his warning to dress warmly. Just as he’d predicted, there was almost no wind in the cove. Jass dropped anchor and helped them bait their hooks. Laurie watched him hook a minnow and cast for Susie and shuddered. Poor little minnow. It’s still alive. She swallowed, staring at the tiny wriggling bit of silver. “I’ll use a daredevil,” she said, grabbing her rod before he could put a minnow on her hook. He shrugged, and dug in his tackle box for one. He held up a small, red and white spoon-shaped bit of metal. “This one okay?” She nodded, took it and reached out for her line to attach it. He watched, an indulgent smile on his lips which soon gave way to a raised eyebrow when she succeeded. She cast out, and settled back to slowly reel it back toward her. He watched her a moment, then, satisfied she didn’t need his help, he went back to tending his own line and helping Susie.

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Susie caught the first fish, a good-sized crappie, and squealed with delight. Laurie turned away as Jass took it off her hook and dropped it into their basket. Catching the distaste on her face, he grinned at her. “You’re such a softie, LaRae. How can we catch fish and eat them without hurting them?” She shrugged and looked away without answering. She couldn’t help how she felt. She dreaded catching one herself, and knew Jass would have to take it off the hook for her as her father always had when she was a child. Jass dropped the wire mesh basket over the side of the boat, and helped Susie cast out again. Three hours later there were several more fish in there, and Susie was wriggling with delight at catching more than her parents had caught. She’d eaten most of the snacks Agnes had packed. Laurie suspected the snacks were more in the way of a treat than a necessity, since they weren’t going to stay out long enough to miss a meal. The hot cocoa and coffee had been welcome, but she was ready for a bathroom break and this little fishing boat wasn’t equipped with one. She mentioned that problem to Jass and he immediately agreed it was time to go back in. He brought in their lines and began putting their gear away. Then another boat pulled up near them and dropped anchor. “It’s Harold and Davie,” Susie said and waved. “Have any luck?” Harold called. “Pretty good,” Jass returned. He raised the basket of fish and held it up to show them, then put it inside the boat. “We’re about ready to go in for some breakfast,” he said, bringing up the anchor. “Great. We’ll try your spot.”

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The wind had dropped and the lake was almost perfectly calm as they headed back across it. Tiny waves lapped at the sides of their boat, and the bright sunshine made the colors of everything extra clear. Light sparkled off the blue water and the leaves of the trees lining the shore. “It’s gorgeous out now, Jass,” Laurie enthused. “I wish I could come out here every day. Teach me to drive the boat so Susie and I can come out when you’re not home.” He looked at her, his eyebrow raised in doubt. “Are you sure?” “Yes,” she insisted, coming over behind him. “Show me how.” Jass shrugged and began explaining the various controls. Then he let her take his seat, and he sat beside her to supervise as she guided them back across the lake toward home. “Oh, I love it!” she cried. She grinned happily, meeting Jass’s eyes. He grinned in appreciation of her pleasure, but started looking nervous as they neared shore. “Slow down. You don't know how to dock it, do you?” She shook her head. “You’d better take it now,” she said, rising and letting him take the wheel. “Thanks, Jass.” “You’re welcome, Honey. You know you’re not ready to take it out on your own yet, don’t you?” “Don’t worry. I’ll wait until you’ve given me more lessons.” He smiled, blew her a kiss and expertly drew up to their dock. Over breakfast, Susie told Agnes all about their adventure. Agnes promised to cook the fish for their supper. They enjoyed those fish and several more meals of

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perch and crappie over the next couple of weeks. They began cooking supper outdoors on the grill, so they could sit beside the lake and watch the gorgeous colors of the sunset play over the lake. LaRae never tired of doing that. Often their cookouts included other couples like Cathy and Warren, or Denise and Ken. Always Laurie kept a sharp eye on Susie as she played with the other children or searched for pretty rocks or shells beside the lake. Her nightmares stayed in the back of her mind, though she’d stopped mentioning them to Jass. As the weather turned hot, Susie began begging to start swimming in the lake. “Not yet, Susie,” Laurie told her. “The water is still too cold to go into the water. Wait until June. You have all summer.” In the meantime, the children continued their swimming lessons at the school pool. Laurie took her turn at driving them, with Harold and Cathy serving as the other two parents in the carpool. Harold seemed more and more morose, and everyone avoided the subject of Noreen and the possibility of their divorce. School ended. As planned, Nora came for the weekend to attend Susie’s kindergarten graduation ceremony with them. Nora was so happy to be invited to attend with LaRae and Jass she thanked her daughter-in-law several times for inviting her. Susie chattered constantly with her grandmother, making Laurie sorry they hadn’t been allowed to spend more time together before. She vowed to correct that oversight. Again she wondered what had gone wrong between LaRae and Nora to keep them apart.

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The ceremony went off well with only a couple of minor hitches. The children were so excited, and Jass couldn’t seem to stop grinning at their antics. Nora’s whole visit went off pleasantly, which put Jass into an especially happy mood for days. In Mid-June the weather turned hot and humid. LaRae and Susie began to spend part of each day down by the lake and they often ate out on the picnic table. Laurie hadn’t had a nightmare for weeks, yet she still had the constant urge to watch Susie every minute of the day. She continued to visit Aunt Martha, who seemed to be improving, but remained in the extended care wing of the hospital. Laurie often took Susie with her, glad that Susie and Martha were such good friends.

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Chapter 13 Laurie dreaded the coming separation, when Jass had to spend several weeks in Denver to set up a new computer system for a branch there. Jass had mentioned it several times since Denise’s party, but no definite date had been set for his leaving. One Saturday night Jass took her to an office party for a colleague who was retiring. She was very nervous, afraid that she was supposed to know many of his friends who would be there. The evening went fairly smoothly until late, when a dark haired young man whom she’d noticed watching her asked her to dance. She’d heard someone call him Pete. She was quite sure he was Jass’ business associate, since she’d seen the two talking in a friendly manner earlier, so she accepted. Immediately, she was sorry. He swung her out into the crowd, and under cover of the crush of dancing couples, he held her much too closely, and began to unmistakably paw her. She stopped dancing and pushed his hand away. “I want to sit down, now, Pete. I don’t have to put up with office passes!” His full lip curled in his handsome face. “Have you forgotten the fun we had in Las Vegas? You weren’t so cold then, LaRae.“ An icy shiver ran down her spine. So LaRae had met

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someone when she’d stopped in Las Vegas before coming to California. Jass had known, or at least suspected, when he asked about those credit card charges. No wonder he’d been so angry. Laurie met Pete’s gaze sternly, saying, “Get lost, Buster.” His jaw dropped, then he laughed derisively. “Don’t give me that. We’ve been getting along so nicely, and now you say, ‘get lost?’” “You heard right. It’s over, done, finished. Get it?” She stared at him, daring him to refuse her verdict. “No, I don’t ‘get it.’ Everything was fine when I took you to the airport for the flight to California. What happened?” “Let’s just say I got smart, okay?” She walked to the edge of the dance floor but he followed. She turned away, then felt his rough grip on her arm pulling her back toward him. She winced and tried to get free, protesting, “You’re hurting me!” His lip curled again in a sneer. “So what?” “Let her go!” Jass was suddenly beside her and his low growl made Pete immediately drop her arm and back away. He grinned at Jass and put up both hands in a gesture of compliance. “Just a little disagreement. I’m going!” Laurie rubbed her smarting arm. “Thanks, Jass.” “You okay?” “I am now.” Their eyes met and held. She knew he knew what it had been about. He knew she’d broken it off, too. They both smiled in satisfaction at the knowledge. "It'll never happen again, I promise." "I'm glad." "Forgive me?" she asked. He nodded, his face sober.

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"So am I. I really do love you, Jass." “I love you, too, LaRae. Let’s dance. The band’s playing a waltz.” She went into his arms and closed her eyes, thanking God that Jass was willing to forgive LaRae. But would he forgive her if he knew the truth? As the strains of the Blue Danube waltz swirled around them, they began to move to its graceful melody. His warm embrace felt like heaven. Jass spent the next couple of weeks in Denver, returned home for a few days, and was leaving again tomorrow for another couple of weeks. Laurie had been late with her monthly before, but now she’d missed two, so this time she felt sure she was pregnant. She hadn't told Jass, because he would have insisted on her seeing Dr. Henry at the Canton Clinic, which she couldn’t, of course. Dr. Henry would know in a minute she’d never had a baby, so she couldn’t be LaRae. So she’d asked the county medical association for a recommendation of a woman obstetrician in the closest large town. They had highly recommended Dr. Beverly. It had been just her luck she had this appointment while Jass was back home. This morning she'd looked outside to see it was pouring rain but she didn’t want to cancel this appointment after waiting three weeks for it. She just had to know. Laurie drove carefully through the driving rain to White Bear Lake. Since there were thick dark clouds overhead and as far ahead to the west as she could see, she felt sure that the thunderstorm was not going to end soon. It had been easier to tell Jass she had a luncheon date

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with Cathy, and not tell him about coming here. There would be time enough to tell him about the new baby when she was sure. He was such a good father to Susie she was sure he’d be happy about having another baby. It was going to be so wonderful. Her own little baby! If she truly was pregnant, of course. She ducked inside the large clinic, and put aside her umbrella, looking furtively around the room. She heaved a sigh of relief when she didn’t see anyone she knew. She gave her name at the counter and received a clipboard full of new patient forms to fill out. She settled down and answered all the questions honestly except for her name, which she gave as LaRae Markham. She handed in LaRae’s medical insurance card, and at last was called for her appointment. Dr. Beverly turned out to be very young but seemed very competent. She was slim and dark haired with such a friendly smile Laurie felt reassured. After more questions and a physical exam and lab tests, she told Laurie she was indeed pregnant. “So what do I do now?” Laurie asked nervously. “I mean, about a special diet, vitamins, and all that?” “This is your first?” she asked with a smile at Laurie’s questions. “Yes.” “I have a booklet of information here you can read, and I’ll write you a prescription for some iron. Your count is a little low, nothing serious, but we need to bring it up. You’ll need to come back for regular check-ups, of course. Otherwise, nothing special. You can do anything you normally do, but don’t overdo.“ Laurie put the booklet in her purse, picked up her

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prescription at the clinic pharmacy and walked out into the sunshine. The rain had stopped and everything smelled fresh, clean and new, like her life. A new start! A new life growing inside her right this minute! As she unlocked her car, she noticed her hands were trembling with happy nervous energy. She wanted to laugh and shout it from the housetops! I’m pregnant, World! I’m going to have Jass’s baby! Hooray! All the way home she tried to decide how to tell him. Should she be coy? Should she wait until they were in bed together? Or should she burst out with the news the minute he walked in the door? No, she’d better not do that. She didn’t want to tell Susie, Agnes or Diane just yet. Better to wait a couple more weeks. When she arrived home and punched the button to open the garage door, George stood inside, his arms reaching for a bicycle on the wall. He turned to stare at her, then took down the bike and moved out of her way. Panic at being alone with him inside the garage tightened her throat. She drove in, telling herself she was being silly, shut off the engine and picked up her purse. “Hello, George. What are you doing?” Her question was a buttress against her fear. “Hello, Mrs. Markham. I’m just fixin’ the tire on this old bike of yours, so we can put training wheels on it. Susie’s about the right age to learn to ride a two-wheeler this year, don’t you think?” “Why, yes, I suppose she is.” Laurie pasted a smile on her face and hurried into the house. “Ah, you’re home, LaRae.” Agnes stood at the sink, peeling potatoes. She sent Laurie a welcoming smile over her

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shoulder. “Yes, Agnes.” “I was worried about you, out driving in that thunderstorm.” “It’s beautiful, now. Is Susie home?” “No, she’s still at her swimming lesson. Harold should be bringing them back any minute now.” “Yes, of course.” It was Davie’s father’s turn to drive the car pool today. Ashamed now of her panic in the garage, she wanted only to escape. She grabbed a can of cold soda from the refrigerator and said, “I’ll be in my room if you want me.” Safely in her room, she curled up in her upholstered chair and sipped the soda, willing her queasy stomach to behave. She was being a ninny. George’s presence in the garage had taken her by surprise, that’s all. She hadn’t expected anyone to be standing inside when the door opened. There was nothing so strange about being startled and having your blood pound in alarm in response, was there? Maybe her pregnancy was making her extra emotional. Dr. Beverly had said something about hormones making mothers-to-be feel that way, hadn’t she? Would LaRae have had any books on the subject? Laurie felt the urge to learn all she could about this miracle happening to her. She got up, found the booklet Dr. Beverly had given her and read it. Then she hunted through the bookshelves until she found a medical manual and sat down to read that. Later she heard Harold’s pick-up as he dropped Susie off. Susie came in to say hello and cuddle with her, but she soon left to play with Trixie and watch television in the family

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room. Jass called to say he’d be late and not to wait supper for him. So she put her book away to join Susie, Agnes and Diane for supper. She could hardly retain her excitement, waiting for Jass to return. She put Susie to bed and went back to her bedroom. With the book in her lap, she again sat down to read and fell asleep. Jass found her there when he returned. He walked in, pleased to see that she’d waited up for him, then saw she was asleep. He went to her. She looked so sweet and peaceful there, he hated to wake her. But he needed to hold her, and wanted her in his arms in bed, not here. He shook her gently. “Come on, LaRae. Bedtime.” Her wide, hazel eyes opened, still glazed with sleep. “Oh, Jass, you’re home!” She got up, apparently stiff from sitting in one position too long. He took her arm and helped her stand, then noticed the book that fell to the floor. He bent to pick it up, and asked, “AMA Medical Guide? Why were you reading that?” She colored and stared at him, as though embarrassed to be caught at something. “Oh, ah . . . no particular reason.” “LaRae, what’s wrong? Are you sick?” Suddenly a mischievous grin spread across her face. She leaned forward and gave him a quick kiss. “No, I’m not sick, Jass. Just pregnant!” “What?” “Pregnant. You know, as in ‘we’re having a baby, Darling!’” “But how can that be?” He stared at her, his mind

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whirling. She teased, “Last I heard, that’s what happens when two people make love, Jass.” “But....” She frowned. “Aren’t you happy about it? Don’t you want another baby?” “Yes, of course. I mean, it’s wonderful, but....” “But what? I don’t understand.” Her face took on a worried look. “LaRae, are you sure? You’re not mistaken?” She shook her head. “I went to the doctor today.“ “What did Dr. Henry say? I mean, didn’t the operation to have your tubes tied work?” “Operation? Tubes tied?” She felt herself pale and only stared at him. He went on, half talking to himself, “But the operation must have been successful. We haven’t used birth control for the whole five years since you had it done right after Susie was born. Why didn’t you get pregnant before now?” The shock on her suddenly white face began to register with him. “LaRae,” he said. “Surely you couldn’t have forgotten having the surgery?” She shook her head and turned away, as though afraid to look at him. Her voice hardly above a whisper, she said, “I don’t know.” Suddenly a horrible suspicion filled his mind. All the strange details he'd noticed since she came back from California clicked into place, and fit only one possible explanation. It couldn’t be true, could it? He grabbed her arm and turned her back to face him. His tongue thick with fear, he asked, “Are you LaRae? Or . . . are you Laurie?”

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She swallowed and closed her eyes. Slowly she nodded and whispered, "Laurie." He wet his dry lips, trying to get the words out, “LaRae’s . . . the one who is . . . dead?” Horror on her face, she nodded, then reached a pleading hand toward him. “I’m sorry, Jass.” He turned his back and walked to the window. Staring unseeingly out into the night, he tried to take it all in. His wife was dead. And as if that weren’t shock enough, his sister-inlaw had been taking her place in his bed, and now she was pregnant. God, what a mess. Suddenly he whirled back to where she stood, as still as a frozen statue. “Why? Why did you do it? Why lie to me like this?” He needed to lash out at someone, anyone. Somebody had to be to blame for this fiasco! “The ambulance crew or the hospital must have mixed us up. When I woke up, they kept calling me ‘Mrs. Markham.’ I tried to tell you that first day, when you came to see me in the hospital. But you wouldn’t listen; you were so cold to me, blaming me for the accident. Then you took LaRae back here, and . . . “ “I buried her as Laurie.” He finished for her with a heavy sigh. He paced the room, running a shaking hand through his already disheveled hair. “My own wife . . . she doesn’t even have the right name on her tombstone.” “We can change that, Jass.” Angrily, he agreed, “You bet I will.” He paused, then said, “LaRae’s wedding rings. Why couldn’t they identify her by those?” Her lips twisted painfully. “LaRae had taken them off and put them in her purse. It was a silly game we’d played since childhood, of trying to fool people about who was who.

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She wanted to see if my hairdresser would know which one was me. Both our purses were on the floor of the car, or who knows where, after the accident.” He stared at her, immediately knowing it was the truth. It sounded exactly like LaRae. “It’s my fault. I should have told you I had to talk to you. I should have made you stay there and listen to me.” “I’m listening, Laurie. Explain it to me, now.” In an unsteady voice she told him everything, from when she’d first realized the hospital staff thought she was LaRae until she’d come back to Minnesota as his wife. “But what I don’t understand is, why?” “I’m still not sure, myself,” she said, her voice shaking. “When I realized they thought I was LaRae, I just wanted to wait to tell you the truth myself, for fear the staff would tell you LaRae wasn’t a patient there, or some such thing. Then the nightmares started, and I started panicking about taking care of Susie. I mean, I was driving. It was my fault Susie had lost her mother. So I got the idea of taking her mother’s place, to protect her for LaRae.” “That’s a stupid reason, Laurie. Susie’s fine. I’ve always taken good care of her. Besides, I have Agnes and Diane to watch her, too. This silly obsession with protecting her from some imaginary danger has got to stop, LaRae . . . I mean, Laurie.” He swallowed and said more softly. “It borders on paranoia.” She laughed nervously. “Perhaps. But the nightmares were, no are, so real.” He said nothing. Then, “LaRae really did intend to divorce me, didn’t she?” Then, she said softly, “She said so, but I don’t know.” Another silence.

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“We’re having a baby together, and we’re not married.” Swallowing, her mouth twisted. “I’m aware of that. I have my stock portfolio. I can always live on it if I need to.” He shook his head, unable to make sense of her reasoning, her lack of concern. He snapped, “You won’t need to. It’s my baby, I’ll support it!” He turned on his heel. “Where are you going?” “To bed. Alone, in my own room.” “Jass?” He kept on walking. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to lie. It seemed like the only solution at the time, and then it just snowballed.” “Lies always do. I have to go back to Denver in the morning. I’ll call you.” “Jass!” There was a desperate plea in her voice. He stopped just inside her bedroom door, but didn’t turn back. He couldn’t face her right now. “What are you going to do? About us, I mean?” “I don’t know. I mean, nothing for now.” His voice broke. “I can’t deal with it yet.” He walked out and closed the door behind him. Alone in his room, Jass crawled into bed and wept as he hadn’t since he was a boy. He wept for LaRae, for a marriage ended. A marriage that LaRae had intended to end in divorce anyway, but was now ended by her death. For all the lies that had separated them and the joys they had shared. Bitter tears for hopes that now lay dashed against the sharp rocks of truth. Painful, searing truth. He mourned the false hope he had nurtured these past weeks. He’d thought they were making a wonderful new start, that Laurie’s death had changed LaRae. But LaRae hadn’t changed after all. She would never change. She was dead.

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He should have known. How could he have not realized the woman he'd made love to wasn’t LaRae? The clues had been there, right under his nose, right from the start. Even Trixie had known. That first night, the dog had treated LaRae . . . no, Laurie . . . as a stranger, and he’d paid no attention. He remembered scolding Trixie for barking at her. The way she’d treated Susie had been so different, too. Why had he been so dumb? So willing to believe she had changed? He laughed hollowly. Easy. Because she was who he'd always wanted LaRae to become. He’d wanted to believe Laurie had taught her to run a computer in California. But LaRae’s own Visa bills had told him she hadn’t even gotten to California until the day she died. There had been no time to learn even the rudiments of a computer program, let alone become as proficient as Laurie was. The shock on her face should have alerted him she didn’t know about the credit card charges, should have told him she wasn’t the one who'd made them. He’d been fooling himself. Then there was the way she’d treated Louis Elton, as though she didn’t even like the man. That should have alerted him as well. LaRae had liked Louis, had flirted and danced with him. She’d known nothing about stocks, and couldn’t even balance her own checkbook, let alone manage a stock portfolio. Laurie seemed to be an expert at both. No one could learn all that overnight. And the business over her allergies. The correct medication had been in Laurie’s medicine chest, with Laurie's name on it. Then the way Laurie couldn’t cook. Agnes had told him she'd burned cookies. His wife had been a great cook. She’d never burned anything in all the time he’d known

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her. What a fool he had been. He pounded his pillow, almost hating Laurie for making him feel stupid, even if she had done it believing she needed to protect Susie. He wanted to blame someone for all this pain. Yet, it had been more his fault than hers. He had never even thought of the possibility she wasn’t his wife. Why not? Because he hadn’t wanted to consider the possibility that LaRae was dead. He wanted her alive and the person he thought she had become. His wife was dead. He and Susie were alone. How was he going to tell everyone? When? Hours later he fell back to sleep. He left for work very early, without saying good-bye.

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Chapter 14 Laurie’s bitter tears and regretful wishes filled her restless night. She wished she could go to Jass and hold him, make him understand she loved him and Susie. But he wouldn’t listen, now. He needed time. She was pregnant. Would she have to raise her baby alone? Would he ever claim or love their baby? Or would he abandon it? Would he ever love her for herself? She plumped her pillow and turned over, to bury her face and muffle her tears. She remembered again the drive with LaRae just before the fatal crash. Remembered LaRae saying she'd been having a little fun while she was out from under his thumb. Laurie hated the thought that her sister had been unfaithful. Jass had a right to be angry. Did he remember that she, Laurie, had promised him after the party incident with Pete it would never happen again? Hopefully, after the pain and shock subsided, he would remember her promise. There was nothing she could do now, but wait for Jass to deal with his anger and grief, and realize the truth. Laurie thought back to when she and LaRae had been wonderful pals. Before LaRae had married him, while Laurie stood in her beautiful blue lace maid-of-honor dress, watching her sister’s happiness and wondering when she’d find her

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own Mr. Right. When Laurie awoke the next morning, she did her best to cover her blotchy cheeks and tear-swollen eyes with makeup. It was her turn to drive in the carpool, so she had to pretend everything was normal. Worse, morning sickness came on with a vengeance, no doubt encouraged by her emotional upset. The days went by, but her tension and pain refused to lessen. Jass called Susie, but barely spoke to her. She wished he would tell everyone and clear the air. She endlessly blamed herself for her predicament. She lost pounds and had trouble keeping enough food down to keep from feeling weak. She tried to make plans for her and her baby’s future alone, but couldn’t concentrate. Everything she’d wanted, the man she loved, a home, a child who loved her, and another on the way, all had been within her grasp. Now because of her lies, she had lost it all. How long would Jass wait before exposing her to everyone? Why was he waiting? Why hadn’t he told everyone immediately? The suspense of waiting for his response was killing her. How would they straighten out this impossible mess? Would he still let her see Susie? Would he expect her to return to California and her modeling career? Oddly, she had no desire to do that. It seemed far away, like another life. She didn’t want to go back to dating men like Wesley. She wanted the sweet, wonderful arms of the husband she’d had for such a short time. She wanted to make love with Jass and be Susie’s mother forever. Now she knew it was an impossible dream. Even the pretense of living it would end soon.

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One Saturday, Agnes told her Jass had called to make sure everything was all right. He had talked to Susie, and would call her later. She stayed up late by the phone, hoping he would, but he didn’t call back. No doubt his words to Agnes had been only to save face with their housekeeper. Again Laurie went to bed and cried herself to sleep. That was becoming the norm. Since Diane and Agnes had the weekend off, Laurie and Susie passed the time by visiting Martha at the hospital and renting a video. Sunday was the longest day of her life. After supper she fell asleep on the couch, even though it was hours before dark. The sun didn’t set until almost nine and it was still broad daylight. Trixie whined, and Susie took her outside without her leash. The dog dashed down the street, and didn’t see a car coming, nor did the driver see Trixie in time to avoid her. Laurie woke to the sound of screeching tires and shouts and Susie’s screams of “Mommy!” Laurie raced outside, her heart pounding. Susie flew into her arms in tears, pointing to the black and white bundle of fur on the ground. Jean Martins, an older lady who lived down the street, was horrified that she’d hit Trixie, and was almost as upset as Susie. Laurie calmed Susie and Mrs. Martins, then checked Trixie. A strong heartbeat met her probing fingers, so she gently picked him up and said, “Come on, we’ll take him to the vet.” “But it’s Sunday,” Mrs. Martins protested. Laurie thought fast. In a small town, people weren’t always as inaccessible on weekends as they were in a large

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city, primarily because everyone knew where to find each other. She had to do something. Both Trixie and Susie were whimpering and depending on her. “Where does the nearest veterinarian live?” “Somewhere on Oak Street in Canton, I think," Mrs. Martins said. "I’m not sure.” “His name?” she asked. Mrs. Martins shook her head. “Her name. Miss Stam.” The name was immediately familiar. “Her sister teaches kindergarten?” “Yes, that’s her.” “She’s my teacher’s sister,” Susie put in. “I know where they live, Mommy. We went there for field day.” Visibly shaken, Mrs. Martins went back to her car to drive on home. Laurie and Susie walked quickly back to their house with Trixie whimpering. A wound on Trixie’s leg oozed blood. They went inside and Laurie said, “Can you run to my bedroom and get my purse, Susie? It’s on my dressing table. Hurry!” Laurie stepped into the kitchen and found a towel to wrap the dog’s leg to stop the bleeding as much as possible. She found the vet’s number and breathed a sigh of relief when the veterinarian answered her telephone. Laurie explained the problem and Miss Stam agreed to see them as soon as they could get there. As Laurie drove, Susie held Trixie, who lay quietly in her lap, trusting brown eyes occasionally looking at them. Miss Stam looked over Trixie and assured them that no lasting damage had been done. “I’ll keep her here for a day or so to be sure, but I don’t think there was any internal damage, just scrapes and bruises. But she’s a lucky dog.”

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Susie was very quiet on the way home. Laurie thought about scolding her for letting Trixie play outdoors without her leash, but decided the little girl had been punished more than enough. When Laurie tucked her into bed, Susie put her arms around Laurie. “When is Daddy coming home? I miss him,” she asked, tears starting to flow. Laurie held her tightly until she quieted. “So do I, Sweetheart. So do I.” Agnes soon guessed why Laurie was ill in the mornings, and was inordinately pleased. Since Agnes didn’t trust doctors very much anyway, the idea that an operation hadn’t succeeded didn’t seem at all strange to her. Agnes was sympathetic and no longer coaxed Laurie to eat bacon and eggs for breakfast. “I never could stand the smell of greasy foods cooking myself, when I was pregnant,” she told Laurie. Laurie didn’t dare ask about Agnes’ children, since, as LaRae, she was already supposed to know the answers. They were probably grown, she decided. Laurie needn’t have worried. When she didn’t answer, Agnes sighed and began telling her all about the daughter in St. Louis and son in Dallas and their medical history. Laurie found that all she had to do was murmur a bit of encouragement, and Agnes would keep talking about them. It was obvious that she loved them very much. Laurie wondered what it would be like to be a grandmother, to have memories that went back many years. She tried to imagine being able to tell tales of Susie’s childhood to Susie’s own children. But of course, she remembered painfully, it might never happen. Maybe the baby growing inside her would never even

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know his own father. Jass would probably never learn to love her nor claim her baby as his own. Which would not, of course, change the fact it was his baby. Somehow the realization cheered her. Maybe someday Jass would realize that fact, also. He had, after all, insisted he would support his baby. The more she thought about it, the surer she was that Jass was a good man. He would eventually relent and love his child as well. But . . . how long would it take? What would happen to her and her baby in the meantime? Thank goodness for her inheritance. She must take things into her own hands and begin making plans for another place to live. This uncertainty was hell. She finished her breakfast of dry toast in a better mood. The telephone shrilled. She went to pick it up, panic filling her as she spoke to the person from the hospital on the other end of the line. “I’ll be right there,” she said, and hung up. “Agnes, it’s Aunt Martha. She’s had another stroke. Can you watch Susie?” “Of course. You call and let me know how she is.” Laurie grabbed her purse from the counter and car keys from the hook by the door and drove into Canton. When She arrived, Martha was back in the intensive care unit, very pale, and hooked up to monitors and an IV. She turned as Laurie walked in and attempted a wan smile. “Hi, Laurie. I’m . . . being lots of trouble again.” Her voice was weak and strained. Laurie’s throat tightened. Was she confused? She’d called her Laurie instead of LaRae. “Shh, Aunt Martha. Don’t try to talk.” Martha smiled. “It’s okay, Laurie. I’m not afraid to go.

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I’ve lived a long time.” “Don’t say that,” Laurie’s voice broke. “I love you.” “I know. You’ll stay with Jass and Susie? Take good care of them for LaRae?” Laurie’s hand flew to her mouth in consternation. “You know? How?” Martha sent her a knowing look. “You and LaRae may look alike, but you act differently. LaRae made duty calls, although I think she loved me in her own way. But we weren’t close, like you and I. I wondered when you called me several times from California. But I knew the first night you came to visit me, when you commented on and sniffed the flowers. You told me my crocuses and King Alfred daffodils were blooming, remember?" Laurie nodded. "The first sign it was really spring." "You said I always said that. LaRae would never say something like that. Only you, Laurie." Shrugging, Laurie big her lip. She'd been right to worry that she couldn't fool this smart lady. "Then you helped set the table. I was sure I was right when I saw your face after I mentioned my birthday cake. You looked ready to panic!” Martha smiled weakly, leaned back against her pillow and closed her eyes. Laurie took her hand, concerned. She looked so white and ill. Martha opened her eyes again, saying, “At least you won’t have to solve that problem, Laurie.” “Why didn’t you give me away?” Martha lifted one shoulder. “I was selfish and didn’t want you to go back to California. I knew you were playing your switcheroo game and I was afraid if Jass found out, you’d leave. I figured you two would work it out in time.”

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Laurie sighed. She doubted that would happen, now. But she couldn’t tell her aunt that. Martha was too ill. “You do love Jass, don’t you?” Laurie nodded. “Yes. Yes, Aunt Martha, I do.” Martha nodded, satisfied. A nurse came in to check her monitor. Laurie moved aside, worry knitting her brow. In Denver, Jass showered and shaved to go to work at the bank. This branch had an unusually large turnover of employees, so many of the people he’d been working with were new at their jobs. Teaching them new programs when they already had a lot of new things to remember was proving a daunting task. So his weeks in Denver earlier had not been enough. He’d have to set up more training for them. In fact, he’d been offered a new job here with another computer firm. It would, of course, involve a permanent move. If he wanted it. Did he? He was too mixed up now to know what he wanted. His grief over realizing it had been LaRae who’d died seemed to be taking forever to subside. He missed her! He missed Susie, too, of course. He called her regularly on the telephone, but it was hard for a fiveyear-old to understand he had to earn a living by staying in another city far away from her. Last night, all she’d wanted to talk about was Trixie getting hit by a car and how Mommy had driven her to the vet. As he dressed, he wondered how Laurie had managed to do it, alone there with Susie on a Sunday. He shouldn’t have left her in charge. But he’d gotten so used to her new confidence and she seemed so willing, it was hard not to do so. He’d simply assumed she would continue caring for

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Susie, when Susie was his responsibility, not hers. He shouldn’t have left without making other arrangements for his daughter. Still, he cringed as he imagined Laurie’s face if he had to ask her to leave his house. Still, it had to be done. They couldn't continue to live together now that he knew the truth. And Susie. He still hadn’t told Susie her mother was dead. Oh, God, how was he going to do that? What was he going to do about Laurie? How could he tell her to leave when she loved Susie? Worse, when she was carrying his own new baby? He couldn’t do that! What if she refused to let him see it? Or have a say in raising his own child? She'd probably go back to California and it would be impossible to have much influence from that distance. Besides, Susie loved Laurie. What if Agnes and Diane quit? He’d given them every incentive to stay, of course, including apartments over the garage. But this was Diane’s last semester of college. She would be leaving after summer school ended, and had already told Agnes she’d been offered a job in Chicago. He snapped on a tie and found his laptop and briefcase, then walked out to his car. God, but he wanted this job to be over. He wanted to get home to Susie. He’d missed LaRae and Susie more than he had any other time he’d been away from home. No. Not LaRae. Pain vibrated in his chest, tightening his lungs until he thought they would burst. LaRae was dead. He’d missed Laurie. Laurie, who was carrying his baby. A thrill slid through him at the idea of another new life. She’d seemed so pleased over the baby, too. Suddenly he didn’t care what other people thought. Laurie was the one who’d climbed into his heart. It wasn’t LaRae, it was Laurie he missed.

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How could that be when she’d made a fool of him? He couldn’t have fallen in love with someone who would do that, could he? Besides, she was paranoid over Susie. She watched over his daughter like a mother hen, driven by some crazy memories from the past. She seemed sure something that happened years ago was going to be repeated. Paranoid. He couldn’t allow Susie to be exposed to fears like those, could he? He heaved a sigh. It would be best if she went back to her job in California. No, Laurie couldn’t do that, now. She was pregnant, with his baby. That awful boss of hers wouldn't want her back without her perfect figure anyway, would she? He couldn’t let her go. He had to convince her to stay. But would she after the way he’d acted? He parked his car in the parking lot, nodding to the bank security guard. Back and forth his thoughts went. Susie would understand when he explained it all to her. She’d be fine with servants. They didn’t need Laurie. He’d be fine without Laurie. He tried to swallow the hard lump in his throat and went into the bank to go to work. “Morning, Mr. Markham. Your wife called.” Pain echoed through him. He had no wife. Then panic. What was wrong back home in Minnesota? Susie? Laurie never called him. Agnes answered the phone, and to his frantic questions, assured him his wife and daughter were fine. “But Martha passed away early this morning, Jass. LaRae has gone into Canton to see to the arrangements. Don’t worry, Susie’s here with me.” Jass sagged with relief, running his fingers through his hair. Martha. Of course, he’d cared about the sweet old lady,

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too, but he’d been so sure something had happened to Susie. Laurie’s paranoia must be catching. “Tell Laurie and Susie I’ll come home immediately, as soon as I can get a flight." He hung up and smoothed back the hair he’d been disheveling. Another funeral. More pain. Well, at least he wouldn’t have to explain this mess to Martha. The poor old lady had loved both the girls so much. Laurie came home late in the afternoon, exhausted. When she stepped into the kitchen and hung up her keys, Agnes looked her over and frowned. “You’re looking a bit peaked, LaRae. Best you go lie down a while ‘til supper. Oh, and Jass called.” Laurie’s heartbeat speeded. “What did he say?” “He’ll be on the first plane he can get.” Relief washed through her, and she blinked back tears. Jass was coming home. She needed him so much. “Good. Where’s Susie?” “She and Trixie are stretched out on the rug in the family room, watching television, like usual this time of the day. Cartoons are on.” “Thanks, Agnes. I think I will go lie down for a bit.” Laurie curled up on her bed. It had been an exhausting day. In spite of the doctor and nurses’ best efforts, Martha had passed away. She’d been doing so well lately everyone had thought she was on the mend. Now, she was gone. Laurie had made arrangements at the funeral home and talked to Pastor Luke about scheduling the funeral. Tomorrow they would hold the wake and the next day the funeral. She was glad Agnes had reached Jass. She was too tired to deal with talking to him now. She’d just catch a bit of rest before supper. If only Jass

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were here to hold her. She needed his love and his warmth, needed to be cuddled close in his strong and caring embrace. Would he ever be there for her again? She pulled up a comforter and let the tears flow. She cried for Martha, for LaRae and for her lost love with Jass. At last she slept. “LaRae? Supper’s ready,” Agnes called from her doorway. Laurie awoke with a start. “Coming.” She got up, splashed cold water on her face to erase the traces of tears, and went to the kitchen. Agnes was putting a hot chicken casserole on the table. It smelled delicious. “Where’s Susie?” “Trixie wanted out, so she took her for a little walk. She’ll be right back. Sit down, I’ll pour your coffee.” Laurie sipped the delicious hot brew, letting it revive her. Jass drove in, slammed his car door and came into the kitchen. “Jass!” He dropped his briefcase and came to take her in his arms. “I took the first plane I could get. I thought you might need me.” She reveled in his welcoming kiss. It had been far too long since he’d taken her in his arms. Did this mean she was forgiven? She kissed him back. “Oh, I do.” “Where’s Susie?” Agnes repeated what she’d told Laurie. "I'd better go check on her," Jass said. Suddenly they heard Susie scream in the distance, then Trixie, yelping and barking. Laurie froze. For a split second she thought it was her nightmare.

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But she was awake, wasn’t she? Susie screamed again, and Laurie and Jass both jumped up and ran outside. Agnes followed, the kitchen door slamming behind them. Words rehearsed endlessly in her nightmares came naturally to her lips, and Laurie’s screams echoed through the neighborhood. “No! No! Don’t hurt my Susie!” Outside they stopped, looking from side to side, trying to figure out where to go. Panic made her voice ragged as she asked, “Where is she?” “Susie? Susie!” she and Jass called in unison. “Oh, God, what’s happening?” They raced around the garage, trying to judge where the sounds had come from. All was quiet. “You go that way, I’ll go this way,” Laurie said, heading along the empty, evergreen tree-lined road. Laurie could see nothing. “Susie?” Where was she? Had Trixie been hit by another car? Or worse, had Susie been hit? But there was no car in sight. The ominous silence was scarier than the screams had been. Her pulse pounding in a discord of fear, Laurie searched the underbrush along the road, pulling back evergreen branches, calling and looking for the little girl. She hardly noticed the sharp pine needles scratching her hands. She pulled them aside, their pungent scent assailing her nostrils. “Susie! Susie! Where are you?” The panic Laurie had always felt in her nightmare filled her. She looked wildly around, half expecting to see the man in her dreams chasing Susie. But she saw no one. Susie couldn’t have been far. They wouldn’t have been able to hear her screams if she’d been far away. And where was the dog? Her sharp yelps had sounded as though she

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were in pain. Where were they? Laurie realized that she must have gone too far. She turned back, pulling aside branches and calling as she went. But the only other sounds were Jass and Agnes’ voices, echoing her own frantic calls on the other side of the house. A branch slapped her in the face, and she lost her footing. She slid into a small ditch, mud from the recent rain coating her hands as she tried to stop herself. Tears of pain and frustration rolled down her cheeks. As she turned onto her hands and knees to pick herself up, she spotted a shoe under the next tree. Susie’s sneaker! Yelling, “Jass, I found her shoe!” she scrambled to her feet and stumbled toward it, wiping the mud from her hands onto her slacks. She picked up the shoe, but Susie was nowhere to be seen. Jass and Agnes joined her, and they searched under low-hung branches of the large pine trees, up and down the road. Nothing. Suddenly the sound of a large motor echoed across the lake. “A boat!” Together they raced through the neighbor’s yard to the shore. A boat with a man crouched low was racing away from shore. Seeing a spot of yellow in it made Laurie cry, “Susie’s in that boat! She was wearing a yellow T-shirt.” “Come on.” Jass yelled, racing down the shore toward their own boat. He hopped in and started the engine. “Hurry, Laurie, he’s getting away!” Agnes stood on shore, yelling encouragement as Laurie jumped into the boat. “I’ll call for help!” Agnes shouted as

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they left. Grabbing an oar, Laurie helped Jass get them into deeper water, then he revved the big motor to its maximum. They shot out across the water after the smaller craft. Laurie crouched close to Jass to ask, “Who is it?” “I can’t tell. But I think we’re gaining on him!” She watched and prayed as Jass concentrated on correctly hitting the waves that the other boat was leaving in its wake. Just then the dark-clad figure in the boat ahead stood up. He was holding something yellow, and he tossed it overboard. Laurie gasped. “Oh, my God! He’s thrown her into the water!”

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Chapter 15 Jass cursed, and his lips tightened. He gripped the wheel so tightly his knuckles whitened. Keeping his eyes on the spot of yellow, he kept full throttle until they were near it, then slowed the boat and stopped as close as possible. They could see Susie, floating face down in the water. “Drop anchor, Laurie! Then hold the boat near us.” Pulling off his shoes, Jass dove into the water after his daughter. Fighting tears, Laurie watched, wanting to go after them, but knowing she was needed in the boat. She spared a quick glance at the other boat that was disappearing across the lake. He’d obviously known they would have no choice but to let him go if he tossed out the little girl. Who would do such a cruel thing to a small child? She held her breath as Jass reached Susie and began the return trip. Reaching the boat, Jass grabbed the side and said, “Here, Laurie, take her.” Laurie pulled the little girl into the boat, hugging her waist to try to expel water from her lungs, and staring at the pale form. Susie lay still, her long blonde hair spread around her head in a wet tangle. Her skin was turning blue. “No! Oh, no! We’re too late!” Raw panic and fear battled in Laurie, forming a lump in her throat. Quickly Laurie checked for debris in her mouth, then began mouth to mouth resuscitation.

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She reached out a hand to Susie’s neck, searching desperately for a pulse. Warmth and a faint throb met her probing fingers. “There’s a heartbeat! She’s alive!” She called her name, but Susie didn’t respond. Her eyes were closed. A large bruise marked her temple. Laurie helped Jass into the boat and again knelt beside the still form, brushing away the angry tears that threatened to blind her. Desperately trying to catch his own breath, Jass took over the mouth to mouth. Laurie searched the boat for something to cover Susie, and found one of Jass' jackets. “Here, this will help keep her warm.” Covering Susie with it, she said, “Let me do it, you’re all out of breath, yourself.” He raised his head just long enough to shake it. “No, I can do it. Pull up anchor and get us to shore.” Laurie did as he said, thankful she’d learned to drive the boat. “Oh, Jass. Susie, I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you!” Susie coughed and began to cry, breathing on her own at last. Her skin was returning to its normal pink tone. Tears rolled down Jass’ cheeks and he cuddled her close in the jacket. “Thank God!” Their eyes met in relief and Laurie swallowed the huge lump in her throat as she turned back to guide the boat toward their dock. George and Agnes came running to meet them. The blue lights of an ambulance and police car flashed in their driveway. Thank goodness Agnes had brought help! Jass hurriedly carried Susie to the crew who ran to meet them while George tied up the boat. Laurie and Agnes crowded close, trying to see Susie.

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Concern written on his sunburned face, George moved in to eye Susie’s white face. Susie whimpered, sounding for all the world like a puppy in pain. “She’s hurt!” George exclaimed. Jass assured them, “She’s alive, but we must get her to a doctor,” and kept walking toward the ambulance. They hurried along beside Jass, falling back when a police officer edged in to question him. “Later,” Jass told him, “first we must get Susie to the hospital.” He climbed into the ambulance after a crewmember. Laurie called to Jass, “We’ll need a car to come home again. “I’ll follow you.” Agnes nodded. “Good idea, LaRae. I’ll get your keys.” She hurried into the house. Laurie began walking toward the garage, then remembered the dog. Turning back to George, she said, “We didn’t find Trixie. She had to be close by. We heard her barking and yelping at the same time as we heard Susie’s screams. Will you look for her while we go to the hospital?” “Of course, Mrs. Markham. Be glad to.” George’s throat worked. Agnes returned, handed her the car keys and nodded agreement. George and Agnes stood watching the ambulance and police car back out of the driveway with Laurie following close behind. At the hospital, Susie was whisked away, and Laurie and Jass were left pacing the waiting room. The same small room she had paced with Jass hoping for news of Martha. “You’d better go wash off some of that mud,” Jass urged. “How did you get so dirty?” Laurie looked down, surprised to see her hands and slacks were still smeared with mud, now almost dried on. “I

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slipped into the ditch. That’s how I happened to see her shoe. I’ll go clean up a bit and be right back.” In the bathroom, she saw herself in the mirror and grimaced. She was a mess with a scratched, dirty face and tangled hair. She finger-combed her hair, since she hadn’t brought her purse. Her face was scratched, and she remembered the tree branches hitting her. She splashed her face with cool water and used paper towels to get rid of some of the mud on her slacks, but it seemed a hopeless task. Shrugging, she went back to the waiting room. Soon after she returned, a tall, young policeman arrived, identified himself as Kevin, and began asking them questions for his report. Laurie told him about finding Susie’s shoe and then hearing the boat motor start up. Jass continued with the story of the boat chase, and rescuing the little girl from the lake. “Could you identify him?” “No, I don’t think so,” Jass said, his voice grim. “What happened, do you think?” “I’m not sure. Someone must have caught her outside walking Trixie. When she screamed and Trixie barked, he got scared. That bruise on her head means he hit her with something. Then probably carried her from where we found her shoe under the tree to his boat.” If someone had raped Susie, he’d never forgive himself. Had he had time? “But who? And how did he know Susie was there?” Laurie asked, biting her tongue to keep from adding, Unless he lived nearby. Unless he merely had to pop out of a building. A neighbor? It couldn’t have been George. She was ashamed of herself for suspecting their handyman. He’d been with them, and had looked so concerned about Susie. “I don’t know,” Jass said.

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Kevin nodded, as though it was what he’d expected to hear. “Did she say anything? Tell you who hurt her?” Laurie and Jass both shook their heads. Laurie added, “She was barely conscious. She came to and began to cry just before we got to shore.” Kevin said he would go call a colleague to talk to George and look for evidence. Before he could leave, Dr. Henry appeared, and Jass and Laurie quickly turned toward him. “She’s just bruised. She’s going to be fine,” he said with a smile. Laurie sagged against Jass in relief. “Was she raped?” the officer asked bluntly. Dr. Henry shook his head. “No evidence of it. Maybe whoever attacked her was scared off before he had time.” “The dog was barking, and Susie screamed. That’s how we knew something was wrong.” Jass added, “We all ran outside immediately and began calling for Susie, as soon as we heard her and the dog. Whoever did it must have still been there.” “All the noise probably saved her,” the officer nodded. “Noise is a good deterrent.” “But isn’t it odd she would be attacked in broad daylight?” Laurie asked. Her dreams had always pictured it happening at night. Somehow she associated crime with darkness. She shook herself. This was reality. She must stop confusing it with her dreams. Kevin shrugged. “Usually there’s more danger at night. But opportunity comes at all hours. Often it’s done on the spur of the moment when an opportunity suddenly presents itself to the perpetrator.” “Can we see her?” Laurie asked Dr. Henry. “Of course, but she’s sleeping. Let’s leave any

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questions for tomorrow,” Dr. Henry told the officer. He nodded at them and left the waiting room. They went to Susie’s room. Laurie’s heart tightened as she looked at the now quiet, pale little girl. Susie was still asleep, looking small and fragile in the white bed. Laurie stood there, closed her eyes and said a thank you to God the child was all right. She sank into the chair beside Susie and took her limp hand in hers, needing to touch her, to hold onto her and feel her little niece was really safe. Laurie glanced at Jass. “I want to stay with her a while, Jass.” Jass nodded, saying, “I’ll walk you out, Kevin.” Laurie watched them leave and listened to their footsteps echo down the quiet hospital corridor. She felt devastated. Martha had died today. Susie was hurt. God, what a day this had been. She was so tired. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath of the antisepticsmelling hospital air, knowing she would forever believe someone, somehow had warned her that this would happen to Susie. Yet she hadn’t been able to protect her. Relaxing at last, Laurie fell asleep. Jass returned. He bent to kiss Susie, but she slept peacefully. He needed to hold Laurie. To tell her how sorry he was for doubting her. He bent over and shook her shoulder. “Laurie. Laurie, wake up.” She awoke and rose to go into his waiting arms. “Oh, Jass!” He held her tightly, then nodded to his sleeping daughter. “Shh, don’t wake Susie.” They both stood there for a long time, watching her sleep. At last Jass roused, and said, “The nurse says she’ll

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sleep ‘til morning. Let’s go home.” She nodded and followed him. Home. What a wonderful word! The lights in Susie’s room had been dimmed. As they walked out into the brighter corridor, Laurie glanced at her watch. It was after midnight. In the hall outside Susie’s door, Kevin sat on a chair. When they emerged, he stood, asking, “Did she wake up yet?” Laurie shook her head. “Did you find Trixie?” Kevin’s lips tightened. He nodded and said, “George did. Her dog is dead. Clubbed with a blunt object, maybe the same thing the attacker hit Susie with. Thank goodness he didn’t hit her as hard.” Jass nodded, his face grim. “Do you have any clues? Any idea who did this?” The officer shook his head. “I’m hoping Susie can tell us. And I’m staying here to make sure he doesn’t try to prevent her from doing so.” “Oh!” Laurie gasped. She closed her eyes, suddenly feeling sick. She’d thought it was over, that Susie was safe. Now it didn’t sound that way. Opening her eyes, she turned to Jass, her fists clenching in anger and frustration. “We’d better stay with Susie.” “Nonsense,” Kevin said, lifting his chin. “Nobody will get past me and the hospital staff.” “Mommy! Mommy!” “She’s awake!” Laurie and Jass spun around and went back into Susie’s room, with Kevin on their heels. Susie was sitting up in bed, her eyes round with fear. “Mommy! Oh, Daddy, you’re here!” Jass sat on the bed and took Susie in his arms to comfort her. “Yes, Sweetheart. Daddy’s here.”

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Laurie put out her hand to take the one Susie reached out to her. It felt wonderful to feel part of this family. But how long would she be included, now that Jass knew she wasn’t Susie’s mother? Susie wept a minute, then said, “Daddy, Davie’s daddy hurt me. I don’t like him anymore. He grabbed me and tried to carry me to his house.” Jass gasped and his face flushed with anger. “Harold? Susie, are you sure?” She nodded. “‘Course I’m sure, Daddy. I know him. He drives us all the time. I got scared, though, so I kicked and screamed so he’d let me go, but he just held me tighter. Then Trixie started barking so he put me down and hit her with a big stick. And Trixie just got home from the vet after being hit by a car. That was mean, wasn’t it, Mommy?” Laurie cleared the tears from her throat and managed, “It certainly was, Sweetheart.” “So then I kicked him for hitting Trixie, and I ran, but he chased me and caught me. I screamed, but he put his hand over my mouth. And then Mommy screamed, too. When he heard Mommy, he said it was my fault she heard me, and he hit me with the stick, too. That’s all I remember. My head hurts, Daddy.” “I’ll ring for the nurse,” Laurie said, pressing the call button. “Maybe she’ll give her something for the pain.” Susie started crying again, and Jass cuddled her close. “Shh, Sweetheart. You’re okay, now. We’re here.” Jass looked at the officer, his face grim, and tipped his head toward the door. He eased away from Susie and said, “I’ll be right back, Sweetheart. Mommy is here with you.” Laurie’s throat contracted as Jass left. She took his place on the bed beside Susie. Jass had called her,

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“Mommy.” Did that mean he was going to let her stay? Or was he just putting off the inevitable until Susie was better? A white-clad nurse appeared and gave Susie some medication. “She should sleep better with this,” she said, and left, her uniform rustling. Jass and Kevin moved away from Susie’s door a bit and spoke in low tones. “Did you hear enough?” Jass asked. Kevin nodded, his brows knit in a frown. “I certainly did.” “You know who she means?” “Yes. Your neighbor down the lake-shore, Harold Stevens.” “Yes. I thought the boat looked like his, but I wasn’t sure. I can’t believe it. We car-pool with him, trusted him to share driving the kids everywhere.” The officer nodded. “It’s often someone they know. I’ll call in to have him picked up right away. I’d better not use my cellular phone, though. He might have a scanner. In the meantime, I’ll stand guard here until he’s brought in.” “And if you don’t find him?” “We will.” Jass sighed. “Harold has a son Susie's age. You’d better take Davie to his mother. Noreen and Harold are separated. She’s got an apartment in Minneapolis, last I heard.” “No, I hadn’t heard. I’ll see to it Davie gets to her. He’ll be fine. Noreen is a good gal. Any idea of her address?” Jass shrugged, then said, “Maybe Ken or Denise knows. They told us about them separating.” “Thanks, I’ll ask.” The officer walked off to use the hospital telephone.

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When Jass returned to the room, Laurie was sitting on the bed with Susie snuggled in her arms. Susie turned to look at him, and said, “I don’t like Harold any more, Daddy. I don’t want to ride in his new red pick-up any more, either.” “You don’t have to, Sweetheart.” “Good.” She cuddled closer in Laurie’s arms and closed her eyes. In a few minutes Susie was asleep again and Laurie eased her down onto the pillow and tucked her in. Kevin stuck his head in to signal he was back on guard. Jass said, “Let’s make another try at going home.” “But....” “The nurses will check on her. Come on, you’re exhausted.” He put his arm around her as they walked out. Laurie thought she’d never felt such a welcome touch as Jass’s accepting arm. She reveled in the warmth of hope it gave her. She needed him so much after this horrible day. The hospital corridor was dimly lit, and most doors were nearly closed. They stepped out into the starlit night, relishing the fresh, cool night breeze. It smelled good after the antiseptic closeness of the hospital. They walked out to her car, and Jass removed his arm from her shoulders to help her inside. He got settled behind the wheel, and when they moved out onto the road, he reached over to put his hand over hers. She laughed sleepily. He glanced at her. “What’s so funny?” “You made such a fuss about me driving with one arm. Now you’re doing it.” Laughing, he squeezed her hand. “Do you mind? Sometimes it takes a while for an old dog to learn new tricks.” “New tricks?”

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With a shrug, he admitted, “Well, you know, like admitting he’s wrong about something. That’s not easy for a guy, you know.” Nodding, she said, “I know. I’m the one who didn't tell the truth. I should be the one to tell everyone.” He shook his head. “I assumed you were my wife, and told everyone who you were, so it's partly my fault, too. I'll tell them.” Laurie shrugged. “I’m too tired to argue. I know we can’t go on living a lie. Especially after Denise told me how much you hated lies.” He frowned. “She told you that? When?” “At her birthday party. Well, actually, she was telling Cathy, since she assumed I was LaRae and already knew, of course.” “Why?” “Why what?” “Why were they talking about that?” Laurie yawned sleepily. “I don’t remember. Something about the fight you and Ken were having about reprogramming the computers in Denver for security. And you hating dishonesty ever since your mother lied to you about who your father was.” “I see. Well, they are right. I don’t like dishonesty.” he glanced at her then back at the road, frowning. “But I’m not hung up on it. My mother and I made peace about it long ago. I can see your dreams of Susie being in danger were right. I mean, things turned out the way you worried they would.” “I wish they hadn’t,” she said with a long sigh. “I know you thought my dreams were a symptom of paranoia, not a warning. But they were so real, Jass, I just couldn’t take a chance. They seemed like a warning to me.”

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Jass shrugged. “Maybe they were a warning. Maybe you’re psychic or something. I’ve heard of that. Laurie, I don’t care how you knew, I’m just so glad you were here watching over her.” “So am I, Jass.” She leaned her head over against his shoulder. She wrapped her fingers around his hand, needing to touch him, to feel the comforting warmth of his arm under her face. Tears rolled down her cheeks. “I failed, Jass. Can’t you see? I was so upset about Aunt Martha’s death I didn’t pay attention to Susie. I wasn’t watching her close enough. She went outside alone to walk Trixie. She could have been raped or killed, and it would have been all my fault!” Jass turned to stare at her, then back to watch the road. He shook his head. “No, Laurie. It would still have been Harold’s fault, not yours. He’s responsible for his actions, not you. No one can be on guard every minute.” Laurie heard his words and nodded sleepily. She was pleased he didn’t blame her. But she just couldn’t believe what he said was true. She was sure she had failed Susie and Emy, too. No, Emy was dead. Wasn’t she? Emy was only alive in her dreams. Laurie was too tired to sort it all out, now. Her eyes closed and she slept the rest of the way home. When they arrived, Jass woke Laurie, and helped her into the house. She smelled faintly of pine needles, and there was a trace of mud on her hair. He carefully undressed her, helped her shower and tucked her into bed, then got ready for bed and lay down beside her. What a day this had been. He reached up to smooth back her still damp hair. He marveled that he loved her so much, so soon. She was Laurie and not his wife. She wasn’t

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Susie’s mother, yet she had tried to protect Susie like a shetiger guarding her cubs. What a woman! He had to have her. He had to make her his wife. Would she stay with him after the way he had treated her? He cringed when he remembered what a heel he’d been. Sighing, he reached up to snap off the lamp. He’d make it up to her if she’d let him. Sliding down under the covers, he put his arm around her possessively and fell asleep, too. Laurie’s dream returned, but this time it wasn’t scary. This time it was daylight. The sun was bright, and soft music was playing. Emy faced her and smiled approvingly. “You heard my message and you’ve made me happy. You did well, Laurie. I know you’ll be a good mother to your son, too.” Joy seemed to surround them in a warm glow and glorious music swelled around them. Emy looked pleased as she faded away. Laurie sighed happily in her sleep. She turned over and cuddled close in Jass’s arms. When she awoke, she was alone. In the shower, she remembered the dream. Was it true? Had Emy helped her? Suddenly she was sure it was. She stood still, reliving the dream, letting the water splash over her. When the water ran cold, she turned it off and grabbed a towel. Should she try to explain this dream to Jass? No, she couldn’t. He’d never believe it, anyway. Then Laurie remembered Jass might not even want her to stay. They still hadn’t discussed when they were going to tell everyone she was Laurie. He would probably want her to leave after they did. This was a small town, after all. Everyone

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would talk if she continued to live with him. She had no time to worry about it now. There was the wake for Aunt Martha to get through this afternoon and evening. Dozens of relatives and friends would be coming to offer her their condolences. It really didn’t matter if they all still thought she was LaRae. She could handle them just as well as LaRae, since, as twins, they were equally involved. Unless Jass gave her away, she thought, grimacing. When she stepped into the kitchen, Jass was just hanging up the phone and Agnes was putting breakfast on the table. “That was Kevin,” Jass said. “They caught Harold somewhere in Iowa early this morning. He had Davie with him.” Laurie nodded and sat down at the table. “I was afraid he would run. He’d know Susie could identify him.” “Yes, he’d already left by the time they got to his house last night. They’re taking Davie to Noreen now.” “But Harold probably won’t be locked up for long,” Laurie said, her voice heavy with worry. “You know that.” Jass closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead in frustration. “I know. And so do the officers. But they’ve done all they can. Now, it’s up to the judge.” “What if Harold tries it again when he gets out? I don’t feel safe here anymore, Jass.” Jass ate his breakfast in silence. He glanced at her a couple of times, as though about to ask her something. The telephone rang again. Jass talked a minute, then came back to the table. “That was Dr. Henry at the hospital. He says Susie can come home this morning. She’s much better.” “Thank goodness.”

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“Diane’s still here, isn’t she?” he asked Agnes. “I’m sure she is. She came home last night and I told her about what happened. She’s probably still asleep in her apartment.” “Good. Then Diane can stay with Susie so we won’t have to worry about taking her along to the wake or funeral. Okay, Honey?” He shot a glance at Laurie. She nodded. “Yes. I don’t think we should take her, either. She knows about Aunt Martha’s death, and that’ll have to be enough for now.” “Good.” “But, Jass?” “Yes?” “No one has told her about Trixie.” He sighed and nodded, his throat working. “I’ll do it before I bring her home. She’ll probably ask about her dog the first thing when we see her, anyway.” Leaving Agnes behind to deal with the telephone calls from relatives and friends, Laurie and Jass left to pick up Susie. Somehow Laurie got through the wake for Aunt Martha that day, and dreaded her funeral the next day. That night, after she’d tucked Susie in, and she and Jass were alone in the family room at last, Laurie faced Jass. “We must talk.” “Yes, I know,” he said. He snapped off the television and laid aside the remote control. “We’ve put it off too long, now.” She sat down opposite him and asked the question she’d been avoiding, dreading the answer. “When do you plan to tell everyone? How do we get out of this mess?”

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“Let’s let my lawyer straighten out the legal mix-up. He’ll work out the details. I’m sure it’s not the first time a body has been misidentified. It’s not as though you did it for financial gain, or to defraud anyone." ”No, of course not. How about telling them at the coffee after the funeral tomorrow? All our relatives will be together. It’ll be easier to say it once than to try to tell each of them separately on the telephone.” “Sounds good to me,” Jass agreed. “We’ll work it out, whatever it takes.” “Thank you, Jass. We must put LaRae’s name on her grave.” “Buying a new headstone will be the least of our problems.” She nodded and sighed. California, here I come. She’d have to come back once in a while to visit the cemetery where so many people she loved now lay. “I’ll miss you and Susie.” He blanched. “Miss us?” Her lips twisted wryly. “I’m not your wife, nor her mother, remember? I can hardly live with you after everyone knows.” He paused, then said, “Laurie, I’ve been offered a permanent job in Denver. I’ve decided to accept it.” Her stomach suddenly felt very heavy. “You’re moving to Denver?” “Yes. I’ll put the house here on the market. Diane was planning to leave us soon anyway, and Agnes and George can handle getting it ready to show and supervise the move.” “I see.” “Laurie, I want you to move with me to Denver.” Move with him. No one would know the story except their families. It would mean more lies, more deception, but

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now with his conspiracy. She swallowed and shook her head. “No. No more hiding, Jass. No more lies.” “What do you mean, hiding and lies? Don’t you understand? I’m asking you to marry me. A simple ceremony before the justice of the peace or a big wedding, it’s up to you. If we marry now, all the people in Denver need to know is that you’re my wife, Mrs. Jass Markham.” Her throat felt too dry to get words out. Swallowing, she stared at him. “I want you to stay, Laurie. I need you.” Jass’s face held a tense concern. He looks as though he really cares about my answer. Of course he cares. He loves his daughter dearly. She nodded and sighed, knowing she wanted them both so much that she’d take them on any terms. “Yes, I know Susie needs a mother. Someone to watch her and care about her. And I’ll try, Jass. Even though I haven’t done a very good job so far.” “You’ve done a wonderful job. But that’s not what I meant. I mean I need you, too, Laurie. Not just as a mother for Susie. I love you.” “You love me? For myself? I mean, as me, not as LaRae?” He laughed, his joy echoing. He got up from his chair and pulled her to her feet. Hugging her, he gave her a lingering kiss. “For you, Laurie. I thought I was falling in love with LaRae all over again, because of how she had changed since coming back to Minnesota. But it wasn’t a changed LaRae, it was you I was falling in love with, Laurie. You, all the time.” Smiling, she kissed him. He sobered and smoothed back her hair with gentle

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fingers. “I ... I don’t know what to say, Jass.” “Say yes, Laurie. Say you love me, too.” Laughing, she admitted, “Well, that’s the truth, at least. I love you, Jass.” He grinned and kissed her thoroughly, then leaned back and looked at her. “Then you will marry me?” “Yes, Jass. Yes.” After another long kiss, he put his arm around her, and they walked down the hall toward her bedroom. Easing her inside, he closed the door and began unbuttoning her blouse. He kissed her ear, then trailed kisses down until he reached the soft globe he’d uncovered. “Mmm hmm.” She moaned and opened her mouth to receive his next kiss. Heat spread through her as his tongue explored. She undid his shirt buttons, and splayed her fingers over the hard muscles of his chest, enjoying the knowledge she now had the right to him without any more subterfuge or lies. He really wanted to make love to her for herself. That thought was headier than any she’d ever experienced. He walked them to the bed, allowing her to slide off his shirt and drop it to the floor. Her blouse and bra followed, and his hands slid over her, exploring her every curve. “Your skin is so soft and silky,” he murmured against her mouth. “I love the feel of it.” She reached down to unzip him, excitement building in her breast with each kiss and touch. At last they were naked. The backs of her knees touched the bed and bent of their own accord. He followed her down, careful not to put his full weight on her. He slid his hand over her tummy, saying, “I think I can feel a small mound here, already.”

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“Yes. Our son. It’s a boy.” “How do you know?” Laurie smiled. Someday she’d tell him Emy had told her. But not right now. She lifted her lips for his kiss. “I dreamt it.” The End

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Edna Curry Edna Curry lives with her husband in scenic Minnesota where

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she sets most of her novels. She has three children and five grandchildren. She enjoys reading and traveling as well as writing. Her other novels include Traveling Bug, Yesterday's Shadow, Circle of Shadows and Flight to Love. Visit Edna’s website at: http://www.cornernet.com/~efcurry ~~~~~

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Other books by Edna Curry From DiskUs Publishing

Traveling Bug

by Edna Curry Who's bugging who? Diane Foerman's feet were firmly planted in her home state, Minnesota, but that didn't stop the travel guide from dreaming of visiting far off places. And it seemed her dreams were finally within her grasp until... Jeff Banning, computer programming genius on hiatus from his family's company, comes along and snatches the

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promotion Diane hoped was hers. Now, it's Jeff who's planning a trip to sunny, tropical Puerto Vallarta for a group from his father's company and Diane who's stuck in the office typing brochures and labels. Thwarted in her personal ambitions, Diane finds herself confused when instead of loathing the man who destroyed her hopes, she finds herself falling hopelessly in love with him. Worse yet, she realizes that Jeff is keeping the truth about something from her. Is it his ex-secretary Arlene or something darker?

REVIEWS From Kim Gaona - Kim's Reviews: Romance, mystery and suspense are all wrapped up in Traveling Bug, by Edna Curry. Diane Foerman finds herself falling desperately in love with her nemesis, Jeff Banning. Traveling to Puerto Vallarta with Jeff Banning's company, as tour guide, Diane gets caught in a piracy scam. Does she trust the man she's come to love even though he appears guilty of the crime or does she put her doubts aside and believe in him? If you love mystery and romance this is one book you'll keep for future readings, over and over and over. ~~~

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From Chris Bellar - Romance Reviews: Traveling Bug is a reader's dream come true. Full of romance, intrigue, mystery and suspense, you'll find yourself unable to put down Diane and Jeff's story as you travel with them to beautiful Puerto Vallarta where Diane is a tour guide for Jeff's family business and at the same time gets caught up in a web of mystery about what Jeff is really all about. She's already fallen in love with him but can she trust him? ~~~ From Publisher's Weekly Full Text COPYRIGHT 2000 Cahners Publishing Company: "The title is a play on words, referring both to travel agents who love traveling and a computer bug that wreaks havoc as it travels...the charm of this brief e-novel...The story's high point is the travel agency's trip to Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, during which Jeff and Diane's relationship begins to take on a new cast." ~~~ From: [email protected] (Sandy Cummins: With mystery, intrigue, exotic locales, and well-written characters - this book insists on your full attention. This is a great piece of work.

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From Word Wrap: A book review by Cindy Penn: A light hearted tropical romp in the sun, TRAVELING BUG definitely warms the imagination with its tropical delights. Lovers of light romance will find this traveling adventure quite enjoyable.