A Pocket Guide of Strategies
and Tools for Powerful Change
800.643.4316 603.893.43161 Fax: 603.870.91 n
[email protected] www.Memory Jogger.org 978-1-57681-107-8
I
811078
Coaching in the Workplace Coaching gives managers and supervisors an on-the-job edge for bringing out the best in their employees. It's simply packed with proven techniques for moving forward in just about every situation a manager may encounter. Each protocol is clearly explained; including the why-to, how-to, and when-to use it along with step-by-step instructions making it the genuine "field guide" for effectiveness every manager should carry in his or her pocket
Buy in Larger Quantities for Special Discounts $ 1 0.95 each 1 -9 copies 1 0-24
1 5%
25-99
20% discount
100-499
30%
discount
discount
For quantitJes of 500 or more, please call for a quote.
Customization Options Available Give
Coaching in the Workplace
(or any other
Memory Jogger'· product) your company's own personal style. Customization allows you to creatively combine the contents of GOAUQPC products with your own documents and training materials, and in many cases, allows you to print in the language of your choice.
Anything's possible, just call and ask. To place an order. get a quote. or ask about customization. call GOAUQPC
800.643.4316
603.893. 1 944 I
Fax:
603.870.9 1 22
service@goalqpccom I www.MemoryJogger.org
lntheWorkplace
A Pocket Guide of Strategies and Tools for Powerful Change
Tim Hallbom, Founder and Training Director of NLP and the Coaching Institute
Nick LeForce, President of Inner Works
First Edition I GOAUQPC
Coaching in the Workplace
© 2008
by GOAUOPC. All rights reserved.
Reproduction of any part of this publication without the written permission of GOAUOPC is prohibited.
Development Team
Project Leader Cover & Book Design nSight. tnc.. Project Editing Lawrence Smith. Content Review Susan Griebel.
Janet MacCausland.
GOAUOPC 12 Manor Parkway, Salem, NH 03079-284 1
Tol l free: 800.643.4316 or 603.893.1944
Fax: 603.870.9122 E-mail:
[email protected]
www.MemoryJogger.org
Printed in the United States of America First Edition
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2
1
ISBN: 978-1-57681- 1 07-8
Acknowledgments The authors would like to acknowledge the following people who have made this work possible through their contributions to the field of N LP and to the practice of coaching: Richard Bandler and lohn Grinder for their brilliant developments in initially creating the field of NLP and the people they first behav iorally modeled, Virginia Satir (the developer of family therapy). and Milton Erickson (the famous psychiatrist). Robert Dilts, a colleague and teacher. who has created so many of the ongoing devel opments in the fields of NLP and coaching. Dilts has had an international reputation as a leading behavioral skills trainer and business consultant since the late 1970s. A developer and expert in the field of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), his most recent book, From Coach to Awakener, provides a road map and set of toolboxes for coaches to help clients achieve their goals while experiencing deep changes within themselves. Steve and Connirae Andreas for their contributions in making NLP more robust and accessible. Rodger Bailey and Leslie Cameron Bandler for their work with meta-programs and criteria. Ian Elfline for her pioneering efforts in bringing NLP into the world of coaching. Thomas Leonard and Tim Gallwey for helping to create the field of coaching in the first place.
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Introduction
iii
Reviewers Sharon Billings, Senior Tra iner/Execu live Coacn, Cilizens Financial Group Stepha nie Del Valle, Life Coaci!, Personal Journeys Sylvie Hendrick, Coach, Belgi um and
United Kingdom Ann Ide, Life Coaci!, New Possibilities James Salsbury, Senior Lecturer, Bentley College Carrie Stack, Founder/Owner, Say Yes institute
iv
Coaching in the Workplace I @200B GOAUQPC
Contents
vii
How This Book is Organized
Section I: Overview Why Coaching? What Is Coaching? Neuro Linguistic Programming The Coach-Client Relationship
7
Who Provides Coaching
8
Coaching Opportunities
II
Section 2: Coaching Process
13
Coaching Tools
13 15
The Coach Contract
17
Coaching Cycles
18
Intake
24
Switching Hats The Universal Cycles of Change
25
Meta-Programs
38
Part I: Process
41
Part 2 : Profile form
56
Section 3: Coadting 101: T{te Basics
61
Communication Blockers
61
Coaching and Nonverbal Communication
64
Systemic Communications
66
Active Listening and Backtracking ClOOB GOAUQPC
69
Introduction
v
Perceptual Positions
71
Open Questions
80 84
The Meta Model Craft of Coaching
100
Section 4: Managing Client Sessions
III
Coaching Session Overview
III
Gaining Rapport
II I
117
Holding the Clients Agenda
118
Directionalizing the Communication Outcomes
123
Meta-Outcome
126
Storyboarding Your Future
131
State Management
138
Section 5: Tecnniques
145
Appreciative Inquiry.
145
Gregory Bateson's Problem-Solving Strategy
152
New Behavior Generator
156
Resource States
161
Creative Solution-Finding Process.
167
Getting Clear About Criteria.
171
Disney Strategy
181 186
Beliefs Important Coach Reflections
.
203
Putting It All Together
205
Suggested Reading .
206
Index . vi
207 Coaching in the Workpbce I @2008 GOAUQPC
How This Book is Organized
This book is divided into five sections:
Section I : Overview This section provides a general overview of coach ing. how coaching differs from other approaches. and who provides coaching to employees in an or ganization.
Section 2: Coaching Process This section provides an understanding of the coaching process from beginning to end. including a discussion of some assessment processes (Univer sal Cycles of Change and Meta-Programs).
Section 3: Coaching 101: The Basics This section offers basic communication skills and interactive skills useful in all phases of the coaching process.
Section 4: Managing Client Sessions This section offers a model for managing coaching sessions and specific steps or processes useful in all client sessions. such as gaining rapport. setting outcomes. and managing states.
Section 5: Techniques This section offers a variety of specific interventions for specific situations.
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Introduction
vii
Why Coaching? People are the primary resource in most organiza tions. How well (or poorly) an organization performs is a function of how well the individuals within the organization perform. An organization's competi tive edge comes from maximizing the performance of employees while maintaining high levels of mo rale and retention. This requires that managers and owners go beyond the standard rewards, recogni tion, or typical methods of motivating employees. They need to tap into the inner strength and wisdom of their employees on an individual basis. When it comes to bringing out the best in employees, coach ing is becoming the tool of choice. This book will show you how to use coaching tools to take your employees-and, therefore, your or ganization-to the next level. It will provide you with an understanding of the coaching relationship and how to use coaching skills as a manager and leader. It will help you and your employees to set
02008 GOAUQPC
Section One
better goals, make better decisions, take action to accomplish goals, and utilize natural strengths. When properly used in your organization, coaching can:
• Create strol'lger mal'lager-employee relatiol'lships • Empower employees • Idel'ltify employee strel'lgths • Idel'ltify employee values • Set challel'lgil'lg al'ld realistic goals • Improve employee decisiol'l-makil'lg skills • Improve employee problem-solvil'lg skills • Heightel'l employee commitmel'lt to tasks al'ld assigl'lmel'lts
• Provide effective accoul'ltability • Tap il'lto employee motivatiol'l • Release employee creativity • Il'Icrease employee morale • Provide directiol'l for employee developmel'lt • Improve compal'lY systems
2
GMchlna; in the Workpb,ce I 02008 GOAUQPC
What Is C oaching? Coaching, as defined by the International Coach Federation (ICF), is:
...an ongoing partnership that helps clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Through the process of coaching, clients deepen their learning, improve their performance, and enhance their quality of life.
Coaching is an interactive process that helps indi viduals and organizations to develop more rapidly and produce more satisfying results. As a result of coaching, clients set better goals, take more action, make better decisions, and more fully use their nat ural strengths. Coaches are trained to listen and observe, to cus tomize their approach to the individual client's needs, and to elicit solutions and strategies from the client. They believe that the coach's job is to provide support to enhance the skills, resources, and creativity that the client already has. While the coach provides an objective perspective, the client is responsible for taking the steps to produce the results he or she desires. C2008 GOALJQPC
Section One
The ICF goes on to describe the coaching sessions: In each meeting, the client chooses the focus of conversation while the coach listens and contrib utes observations and questions. This interaction creates clarity and moves the client into action. Coachi ng accelerates the cIient's progress by providi ng greater focus and awareness of choice. Coaching concentrates on where clients are today and what they are willing to do to get where they want to be tomorrow. How does coaching differ from other professions? As Ian Elfline, Master Certified Coach, says: Like counseling, it is client centered and individ ual. Like consulting, it is outcome oriented, deal ing in visions and actions. The major difference between masterful training, therapy, consulting, or mentoring and masterful coaching can be de scribed quite simply. The coach does not have the answers. The coach does not provide expertise. A coach operates from the presupposition that clients have all the resources they need, includ ing the ability to discover and utilize resources. Coaching allows clients to work and think more consciously and deliberately. It increases aware ness of the choices that the client makes and how those choices contribute to the quality of their lives. The coach provides support for the client to develop capabilities, widen behavioral flexibility, try the unfamiliar, and venture into new territory. Through taking action, clients become aware-at a deep level-of their ability to make choices, take
Co..ching in the Workplace I 02008 GOAUQPC
action, and to create their lives. The credit goes to the client. not the coach. The late Thomas Leonard, one of the pioneers in the field of coaching, suggested that the purpose of coaching is to set more effective achievable goals, accomplish more than you would have with out coaching, and to stay focused to achieve better results more quickly.
Neuro-Linguistic Programming Many of the techniques and processes described in this book are derived from Neuro-Linguistic Pro gramming (NLP). NLP began as a solution-oriented model of effectiveness and was originally used main ly as a technique in cognitive behavioral psychology. In this sense, it has always been closely affiliated with coaching. Since NLP studies the structure of experience, it can be applied in any human activity and has been used successfully in counseling psy chology, education, business, law, and many other fields. lohn Grinder and Richard Bandler developed the concept of NLP at the University of California at Santa Cruz in the mid-1970s. Since then, many peo ple have contributed to the field. For more informa tion on the subject. the book NLP' The New Technology
of Achievement is a good place to begin. NLP and coaching are a perfect marriage. NLP offers a powerful framework for understanding people and a set of specific techniques useful in coaching. NLP is a field of study and can be applied in many ways, while coaching is a vehicle to help a person move
Cl2008 GOAUQPC
Section One
5
from the present to a desired future. NLP provides specific "how to" skills to create change in one's self and assist others in becoming more resourceful and effective. The following table summarizes the rela tionship between NLP and coaching.
NLPis
• A field of study • A behavioral technology • A collection of change techniques • A methodology
Coaching is
• A vehicle and an application of NLP and other communication models
• A method of getting from one place to another
• A skill set
6
The Coach-Client Relationship Throughout the book, we will refer to the person being coached as the client. Coaches are often hired from outside a company to work with employees. A company's Human Resources (HR) department or
Employee
Assistance
Program
(EAP)
may
provide coaching services to employees; in such cases your client may actually be your subordinate, a co-worker, or a colleague. We use the term "client" to help distinguish the coach-client relationship as opposed to other work relationships, such as the manager�mployee re lationship. As a manager, the employee reports to you and works for you. As a coach, you "work" for the client. It's your job to help bring out the best in the client. It is critical to define the coaching
relationship
so
that the employee under,
stands the roles and how to use coaching. The main difference
between
coach
ing and other approaches, such as counseling, is that the coach does not provide the answers. The entire goal of coaching is to bring out what is within the client, tapping into the client's own inner wisdom, strength. and talent-to bring out the best in the person. The specifics of the coaching relationship are defined through the coach contract.
02008 GOAUQPC
Section One
7
Who Provides Coaching Although the material in this book may be useful in any coaching relationship, it is intended primarily for coaching employees in a company. The coach, and his relationship to the employee, will affect the coaching relationship. There are many possible re lationships:
• A manager to whom the employee directly reports In this case, the manager and employee have an
employer-employee
relationship,
which
limits the coaching relationship. The manager/ coach will never be a pure coach, although coaching principles and practices can be in corporated into the relationship. Coaching will be directed toward performance enhancement and employee development The client, howev er, will always be aware that she is talking with the boss, and this will limit possible topics and client openness.
• Another employee in the organization to whom the employee does not report, usually someone in H R or EAP The HR or EAP coach can function more like an independent coach, but the relationship will still be limited because the coach represents the employer. Coaching will still be directed primarily toward performance enhancement and employee development But this relation ship also allows some openness for the em ployee to discuss more personal topics, as well as his dreams and work concerns. The client, however, will still be aware that he is talking 8
C();Iching in the Workpl�ce I C2008 GOAUQPC
with someone in the organization, and this will likely affect openness.
• An outside coach paid by tfle company to coach tfle employee An outside coach is closer to the ideal coaching relationship; however, this coach is paid by the organization and, ultimately, has two clients: the one being coached and the one who hired the coach. This will affect the coaching relation ship with the client to a certain degree, espe cially if the client knows or feels that the coach is reporting to someone in the organization.
• An ou tside coach paid by tfle employee This is the purest coaching relationship be cause the employee hires and has the power to fire the coach. The coach clearly works for the client. Of course, in all these cases the coaching re:ation ship depends on the alliance created between the coach and client and on the coach's ability to build trust. A manager/coach who builds trust and designs a powerful alliance with a client may create a better coaching relationship than an outside coach. Trust in the relationship with the client is essen tial to all effective coaching. The coach encourages the client to share dreams, personal strengths, and life challenges during the coaching process. Trust is built by clarifying roles and expectations for the coaching process and by getting feedback about what is or isn't working for the client. When a coach is also a client's manager, such trust building can 02008 GOAUQPC
Section One
9
be additionally challenging. Even with the best rela tionship between employee and ma nager. the dual role of manager/coach will a ffect the coaching pro cess. The cl ient w i l l a l ways be aware that the coach is also the boss. and this w i l l l i kely cause the e m ployee t o censure what he shares d u ring the coach ing process. The manager/coach should be aware of and sensitive to this fact. As a coach. it is best to deal with this up front by discussing how you w i l l manage the dual roles and the kinds of topics that you can ethically and rea sonably address. Usual ly. man ager/coaches focus the coac h i ng process on work-related topics. such as performance enhancement. managing workplace relationsh i ps. and career goals. The ethics of coach ing req u i re the coach to keep session content confi dential as far as i s a l l owed by law. However. i n t h i s d u a l relation ship, t h e manager/coach's abil ity to keep confidences may be affected by his obligation to report some kinds of information. Despite these obstacles. there are significant benefits to actively b u i l di ng trust with your employee/cl ients Trust:
t Establishes a strong coach-client all iance t Eases client concerns about sharing issues, goals. and dreams
t Creates a foundation for effective coaching
10
Coaching i n the Workplace I Cl OO8 GOAUQPC
Many activities contribute to trust building:
t C l a rifying roles t Creating the coaching a l l iance t Meeting the client's criteria for a coach t Building rapport t Professional ism t Com petency t Confide ntial ity t Ongoing responsiveness t Holding or support ing the cl ient's agenda t Follow-up on previous session items t Feedback. monitoring. and adj usting thE coaching process and relationship
Coaching Opportun ities As described. the manager/coach faces several chal lenges that an outside coach would not. But there are two d istinct cha l lenges that bear more mention. I. Incorporating coachi n g i nto t h e relationship with the employee. Thi s may i nclude:
t Integrating coach i ng concepts and skills into the managing role. A manager does not need 02008 GOAUQPC
Section One
II
to define a separate relationsh ip with em ployees; she may merely incorporate coach i ng practices and principles into the process of managing.
t Sett i ng up a distinct role as a coach with an employee. A manager may set up coaching times with emp loyees a nd function explicitly as a coach d u ring these times. This requi res that the manager effectively "switch hats" to mai nta i n the power of each role. 2. Knowing when to coach employees. The man
ager must identify coach i n g opportun ities to use coaching s k i l l s appropriately o r know when to "switch hats" and step into a coach ing relation ship with an employee. Coaching opportunities i nclude ta lking about:
t E mployee development. career development. goal setti ng
t Mentoring. employee training. ski ll development
t E mployee motivation t Decision making t Creative problem solving t Confl ict resolution t Other topics that may be helpful or appropriate to specific employees
12
Coaching in me WorkpIilU I 02008 GOAUQPC
C oaching Tools Coach ing is a complex process that requires multi ple steDs in order to guide the client effectively. The coach relationsflip mind map and the coach sessiml overview give the coach t he tools to negotiate the process from start to fi nish. The coach relationship mind map is just that-a map that provides an overview of the entire coach ing process from i n itiating the coaching process to closure of the coaching relationship wit h a client. The coach uses this map to accomplish the major steps of coaching and to keep track of what to do next in the process. The coach can keep the larger picture in m i nd w h i l e attending to the specific needs of the client at each step along t he way. In the following i l l ustration, you'll see that most of the actual time with clients would be spent in the circle labeled CoaCHing Sessions. A separate mind map offer ing an overview of this process can be found at the beginning of Section 4, "Managing Client Sessions." 02008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
13
14
Coaching in me Workpbce I 02008 GOAL1QPC
"Ihe Coach Contract The relationship between the coach and the client is consciously crafted through a defined relation shi p agreement or coach i ng contract. ( I n the field of coach i ng, this is often referred to as a Designed Alliance because it is a formal relati onship of the contracted relationship through t i m e . ) This contract defines the roles of the parties and how the coach wi l l serve the client, i n such a way as to meet the client's goals and needs as they correspond to organizational activities. The primary role of the coach i s to ask high-qual ity, powerful questions that stimu late the client to set their own goals, find their own moti vation and keep on track, and then to revise or as sess those goals as thi ngs come up along the way The primary role of the client is to be open and com m i tted to the coach ing process as a means of personal and professional development. Som e aspects of the
coach i ng contract ( t h e
fre q u e n c y and duration o f c a l l s or meetings, the context-whether i n person or on the telephone) are set out at the beg i n n i n g of the coaching rela tions h i p a n d probably won't change. But much of the coach-client dynamic is fl uid and adapts as the client grows and changes. Th i s incl udes the primary focus of the coach ing content , the kinds of ques tions and interventions used by the coach, the de gree of accountabil ity, and how the coach can best serve the cI ient. What has worked in the past m ight not work in the current situation. The coach and client together eva luate and adj ust what they are doing and how ClOOS GOAUQPC
Section Two
15
it is affecting the progress of the client. Periodic adj ustments to the contracted relationship are con sciously discussed to make the coaching more pow erfu l . Successful coaching is truly a col l aborative process, and the cl ient contributes as m uch to the process as does the coach. The coach contract is a process of working out these relationsh i p dynam ics in a conscious man ner.
• A nu mber of coach ing questions can be used to create the initial contract:
• How do you want to use me as your coach? • Te l l me what you know about how you get motivated to take action.
• What help do you need to move more q uickly toward your goals?
• Do you want me to hold you accountable to take action?
• Do you want in-between assignments? • As the coach ing-client relationship develops, additional questions can be added:
• What is working? • What might we want to change?
16
Coaching in the Workplace I itnOO8 GOAUQPC
Coaching Cycles U n l i ke therapy or some forms of consulting, the coach ing agreement typically includes specific t i me parameters. These parameters, or coaching cycles, req u i re the coach and c l ient to review the coach ing relationship and adj ust or discontinue the relationship, depending on results and client needs. This is especia l ly helpful when coaching employees because it gives the em ployee the opportunity to define and manage the coaching relationship. A common coach i ng cycle i s th ree months. This is long enough to al low the coach and client to de velop a powerfu l coach ing relationship, but short enough to keep coach i ng focused and on track. At the end of the cycle, the coach and client hold a review session. This session al lows both parties to:
t Assess the client's progress towards agreed-upon goals
t Review accomplishments t Backtrack or review high lights of the coach ing process
t Revisit the cl ient's values and, if appropriate, l i fe as a whole to put coaching i nto perspective
t Determ i ne whether or not to conti n ue for another cycle of coach ing
© 2 008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
17
If the coach and client decide to continue, they should:
• Recontract for a n additional t h ree-month cycle
• Monitor and adjust the coachi ng relationship • Identify what has worked and what m ight need adj usting in the coaching process
• Determ i n e whether or not to change the primary focus
If closing the coaching relationship, the coach should:
• Ask the client for feedback about his coaching skills
• Determi ne the next steps for the client • If the coach is independent of the company, get a test i mo n i a l from the cl ient ( i f it i s ap propriate and he is w i l l ing) and get referral s from t h e client
Intake The intake or foundation meeting is your oppor tun ity to d i scover what is i m portant to the client and how you can serve her as a coach. The val ue of taking time with the intake meeting cannot be 18
COOKhin& in the Worlq>lace I 02008 GOAUQPC
overstated. This meeting al lows you to define your role and to co-create the coaching relationship. As a profession a l , you should be clear about the ground rules i n the coach ing relationship, what you expect from the client, and what the client can count on from you. Discuss confidential ity and the ethic; and standards that guide you r behavior. Coac h i ng is not a packaged service or product but a relationship that is u n ique to each client. The two of you will tailor an allia nce that is i n tended to serve the client. Invite her to make requests a n d ask for changes in the ongoing coach ing rel ationship, even if a company is paying the b i l l . The i ntake meeting d i ffers from later coaching i n t h a t y o u ( t h e coach) w i l l b e setting the agenda for the appointment. You may have written work that the client will do before or d u ring the i n take ap pointment. You wi l l decide what information you want from the cl ient and how to use the t i me. Decide how long the session will be. Typical intake appointments are one and a half to two hours. What ever you decide for your overa l l t i me frame, get clear how much time you wi l l a l l ot to each part. However, do remember that this is a map and that few if any appointments will follow the plan exactly. Schedule an i ntake with yourself a n d fine-tune your t i m i ng, your "scri pt," and your intake packet. Then you ' l l be ready to ca l l friends, acquainta nces, a n d other contacts and invite t hem to h i re you as their coach !
@2008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
19
Why use it? • To establish a coaching relationship and create a coach i n g contract with empl oyees. colleagues. or coworkers
• To provide the foundation for effective coaching
What does it do? • Defines the role of the coach and the client • Establishes the structure for the coach i ng process
• Provides opport u n ity to explore the client's strengths. talents. and values
• Defines the i n itial goals or the primary focus of the coach i ng process
How do I do it?
• Set u p a meet i n g to begin the coaching re lationship. which should al low enough time to cover these topics;
• Defi ne the coaching relationship • I f the coach has a dual relati onship with the cl ient ( such as a manager coaching an employee). determine how the man ager/coach will "switch hats" d u ri n g the coach ing session 20
COilchin, in the Workplace I 02008 GOAUQPC
t Di scover the client's s t rengths, talents, and values
t Identify the cl ient's overa l l goals t Pick one to th ree goals to use as a pri mary focus for the coaching
t Determ ine how the client wants to use you as a coach
t Decide how the client w i l l be held accou ntable What makes coac h i ng d i fferent from managing is that the manager/coach and c l ient/employee co create the coaching relationship. The manager must switch from a "man ager hat" to a "coach hat" and enter in to a relationship with the employee as a "cli ent." This means that the employee takes the lead in determ i n i ng the direction and course of the coach i ng content. In other words, the goals are defined by the cI ient, not by the manager. To coach effectively as a m anager:
t Define the coaching relationship (see the earlier section , "The Coach Contract"). This step defines the roles, clarifies expectations, and provides an opport u n i ty to design the a l l iance that you will have with the client.
t Determine how the manager/coach will switch hats. This step is necessary when the manager is also a supervisor of the employee. This means that the manager cannot truly function as a coach
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
21
in the purest sense of the word (see the next sec tion. "Switch i ng Hats" ) .
t D i scover the cl ient's strengths. talents. a n d va l ues. This is where you get to know the client. learn what is i m porta nt. and what motivates him. I t is worth the t i me to spend t h i rty m i n utes to a n hour on this part of the i ntake. This will a l low the client to s h i ne and give you lots of valuable i n formation you can use in coaching him successfu lly.
t Traits: Ask the client to prepare in advance a list of what he perceives as h i s personal strengt hs. Th i s can incl ude q u a l ities and traits. special abil ities and ski l l s . or other person a l assets. Go over the list with h i m a n d encourage h i m t o expand on it.
t Values: Ask the client what is important to him in general a n d in relation to work. A simple way to do this is to ask: What d o you want in a job? What is i m portant to you in your career? Discuss these values and ask how he knows when he i s fulfil led.
t The Wheel at Work: Have the client create a pic ture of the major roles and functions that he fulfi l ls on the job and to determ i n e how well he performs in each area. Th is i s purely a self-assessment and can be useful in helping the client to develop a more wel l-bala nced ski l l set.
22
Coachi"S in the Workpbce I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
t Motivation: An excellent tool at this point is the meta-program assessment (see the sec tion on meta-programs, p. 38).
t Identify the client's overal l goals. Ask the client to describe long- and short-term goals for career and person a l devel opment.
t Career: What are the client's long-term ca reer goals? Where would he l i ke to be in five years? In ten years? What are the client's more i mmediate goals within the company? What are the client's ambitions?
t Personal development: What skills and abi li ties wou ld the client l i ke to develop? What personal qualities or traits would he want to c u l tivate? What leaders or others might serve as role models or mentors to h i m ?
t A s k t h e cl ient to pick o n e t o th ree goals to u s � as a primary focus for the coaching process.
t Determine how thi s person wants to use you as a coach. Ask h i m what they want in you as a coach a n d how he would know that the coach ing is help ful. This provides guideli nes for you to use when coac h i ng the client. Remember, though, that coachin g is a n evolving process and the question should be revisited periodica l l y.
t Decide how the cl ient wants to be held account able.
C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
23
Switching Hats One of the keys to success as a manager/coach is flexibi lity. It is useful to be able to switch your role a n d you r relationship with yo ur employees to suit specific situations a n d to get the best results. The downside of flexibil ity is the perception that the manager is inconsistent. One way to manage t h i s impression is to let people know that you are switching roles a n d , if appropriate, explain why. On several occasions, we've mentioned the im portance of switching hats for those in a manager/ coach role. As the idiom goes, a supervisor "wears many hats . " You can use this common understand ing (at least a m ong English speaking people) to let your employees know what role you are playing and when you are switching roles. Here is a Simple way to distinguish these two roles: Manager:
Di rects employees about what to do a n d structu res t h e i r ti me/activities. A manager imposes rules from the outside onto the emp loyee.
Coach:
Asks empl oyees questions and draws out the employee's ski l l s , talents, a n d resou rces. A coach elicits what is inside the employee.
24
Coaching in the Workplace I ClODS GOAUQPC
These roles should be marked out carefully Such a definition of roles serves several pu rposes:
t Maintains clarity of roles t Models a method for managing changing roles in relationships
t Anchors and accesses role states and resources This definition of roles can be ach ieved via several methods:
t Simply tell your client you are switching roles t Actually play act that you are removing one hat and putting on another
t Change physiology to match each role t If possible and appropriate, use a different office or chairs for each role
The Universal Cycles of Change One way to t h i n k about coaching is that it helps the client manage the change in his or her l i fe in a conscious way. The Un iversal Cycles of Change is a description of change developed primarily by Kris tine H a l l bom. It is a n incredibly useful model for recognizing that cha nge is not only inevitable and impossible to avoid, but it has predictable cycles If change is not considered or managed, as far as is possible, it will st i l l happen, but t ypically in a more !02008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
25
chaotic way. One of the great thi ngs about coaching is this: good coaching will fac i l i tate more positive change and a smoother experience.
t To educate yourself a n d your client on the nature of change
t To assess where the client is at in the cycles of change
t To help the client recognize that change is inevitable and has a n identifiable structure
t To help the client m a n age change more ef fectively through mai ntai n i ng the awareness of change
�o� ) ______________________ �b���d t They identify steps in the change process. t They offer a "diagnostic" and predictive tool for gauging client status in the cha nge process.
26
COilching in theWorkplace I @2008 GOAUQPC
How dQ J use it? The U n i versal Cycles of Change provide a major framework for coaching. By recognizing that change will occur and respecting t he cycles of change, you can coach someone to help them move t h rough their l ives in a better way The U n iversal Cycles of Change is an ongoing process that's been happen i ng in our u n iverse for about 13.5 b i l l ion years, so it's a rea l l y old model. We have observed seven Univer sal Cycles of Change that occur in a l l l iving systems such as p l a nts, trees, stars, cells, and animals. You can a l so see these same cycles occurring in most nonliving systems such as cars, houses, computers, and the economy. The Un iversal Cycles of Change ca n also be found w i t h i n a l l aspects of h u m a n l i fe and behavior. They happen in marriages, in busin ess. with health, with fa mil ies, with various states of mind, and so on. We go t h rough these cycles every day and every year of our l ife. Being aware of t h ese cycles can help us to consciously create the kinds of l i fe experiences that we want, and to bring forth the rea l ity of our choices. People who do wel l i n l i fe are naturally attuned to these cycles of change. Seven phases of the Un iversal Cycles of Change that have been identified follows:
C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
27
28 28
Coaching in the Workplace I ©2008 GOAUQPC
t Creation-This cycle is about new begi nni ngs. Everything has a starting point. and typically that point begins with an idea , an action, or a blue print. Some examples of this include starting a busi ness, having a baby, investing in your first stock or fu n d , creating an idea for a book or a painting, building your fi rst house, getting mar ried, buying a new car, planting the seeds for a vegetable garden, or the Big Bang (t he beg i n n i ng of our un iverse as we know itl.
t Growth-When a system begi ns to grow and de velop, it also becomes "self orga nizi ng." What this means is that the initial creation begins to take shape or form. New patterns of behavior start to develop, a nd the system self organizes itself around the original creation. For example, a new busi ness develops a wonderful marketing plan, the stock that you've invested in begins to rise in price, the sma l l tree that you've pla nted shows signs of growth, you i nstall fancy hubcaps and new seat covers in yo u r car, or you r child speaks their fi rst words and takes their first steps.
t Com p l exity-As a system begins to take shape and form t h rough continued growth, it becomes more complex to the point where it reaches a "steady state." A system operates at its best when it i s in a steady state. Some examples of a steady state are when t h i ngs a re going except iona lly well in your job, when an athlete enters into the zone, when the tree that you have planted is sprout ing beautiful green leaves, when your marriage is going i ncredibl y wel l, the car that you bought is C1OO8 GOAUQPC
Section Two
29
running great, the stock that you have i nvested in has made a big j u m p in the right d i rection, or when you ' re feeling good about yourself and ev eryth i n g in your l i fe.
t Turbulence-W hen the system becomes too complex in its growth and development. prob lems begin to develop and turbul ence sets in. Turbu lence is considered feedback from the envi ronment. saying that the system's complex state can no longer be supported-and that somet h i ng has to be reorga nized, changed, or e l i m i nated. For example, you may have h i red someone to work for you a n d that person isn't working out, you may start noticing some serious com m u n ica tion problems in your ma rriage that are affecting your i ndividual health and well-being, the leaves on the tree that you planted begin to change col or, you may have i nvested in a stock that begins to drop, you develop a m i nor phYSical symptom that is distract ing, you notice signs of depression or dissatisfaction in your l i fe, or your car starts making funny l i ttle sounds.
t Chaos-This is when the system completely falls apart and chaos sets i n . For exa m p l e, the leaves on the tree turn brown and shrivel up, the trou blesome employee acts out to the point where the overa l l wel fare of the business is t h reatened, the stock that you bought takes a huge drop, your marriage is completely fa ll ing apart. you get se riously i l l , or the funny sound that your car was making turns i nto a loud choking sound and grey blue smoke starts blowing out the tail pipe. 30
Coachinl in th e Workpboce I Cl OO8 GO"UQPC
t Droppi ngs Off-Sometimes l i fe becomes so com plex that chaos sets in and you have to drop off something to help the system rega in its overall balance. For example. when the snake sheds its skin or the leaves d rop off the tree-these are considered to be d roppings off. Even having to replace a part on you r car is a form of dropping off or a form of reorganization. In order to move for ward through a diffi c u l t l i fe challenge. you often need to let go of a l i m i ting belief. a dysfunctional relationsh ip. change a behavior. or reorganize how you view the world. thus making the space in your l i fe to create somet hing wonderfu l l y new. All l i fe forms in this un iverse. such as t rees. snakes. and even stars. al low for this natural dropping off cycle to occur; even nonliving forms. such as computers with ani mated trash bins. The pu rpose of the trash bin is to get rid of extra information on the hard drive because it lakes up too much space. H u man beings are the only ones that resist these natural cycles of change
t Dormancy-The way a system regains its balance is to e l i m i nate something. Then it can rej uvenate itself d uring the dormancy phase. thus a l lowing itself to recycle back up to a new evolutionary level of creation. J ust as the tree stands without leaves in the cold winter. we sometimes need to go to a p lace of meditation and i n ner s i lence. It might be uncomfortable for a while. but it can be very hea l i n g to q u iet one's m i nd or to lay low for a whi le. Before you can move forwa rd. you need to give yourself plenty of being time to renew and rejuvenate. Once you've done this. you can 02008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
3I
become creative aga i n . You will have dropped off what was holding you back. Yet you ' l l still have a l l the knowledge a n d wisdom that was gained from the whole experience. This sets the tone for a whole new cycle of creativity and growth This is the fi nal cycle in wh ich the system rega ins its bal a nce, wh ich will al low it to recycle back u p into . . Creation. The system now has less mass, yet more energy be cause it contains a l l the learning from t h e previous cycles. Everything in our u n iverse evolves and grows and has been doing so for b i l l ions of years. Part of t h i s natural evol utionary process i ncludes going t h rough di fferent states of change. Let's consider a tree, since it is a fam i l i ar example of the Universal Cycles of Change. The first cycle that a tree goes t h rough is that of creation, which happens when a seed gets planted. Then the tree grows-if it has been provided with enough water and sunshine to grow. Over time the tree reaches a steady state of maturity i n which a l l of its leaves have beautifully blossomed. Then autumn sets in; the leaves beg in to change color. They turn brown and drop to the grou n d . After this happens, the leafless tree is dormant But then spring comes around and the tree sprouts new leaves. The whole process of creation begi n s aga i n . Because at some point a l l l iving system s get too complex in their growth and development, they must undergo some kind of a dropping off to re gain their balance. We can learn a lot by modeling trees. Have you ever been wa lking by a t ree while 32
Coaching in the WOf"kplace J @2008 GOAUQPC
its leaves are fal l i ng off? Do you hear the tree cry ing out, "Pleeeease, don't let my leaves fall off!" Of course not Th is never happens. The tree has mas tered the art of dropping off and recycl ing back up to creation. Snakes do the same when they shed their ski n . We've never known of a snake to resist the pro cess. Even computers have trash bins where excess i n formation that slows down your hard drive can be d ropped off. I n terestingly, there is only one l iving system that re sists this 1 5-billion-year-o ld process of change. This system a l l ows itself to stay stuck in t u rbulence and chaos for extended periods of time, refusing to drop off what needs to be dropped off. Can you guess wh ich system it is? H u man beings, of course. People are the only li ving systems that allow them selves to stay stuck in t u rbulence and chaos. They are the only living systems that w i l l not drop off whatever needs to be d ropped off in their life. We see this resistance happen ing a lot in relationships, ca reer, and health. One man shared an amazing rea l ization that he had about the Un iversal Cycles of Change and how they related to h i m . This man had a teenage daughter with whom he had been unable to communicate ef fectively or happily for several years. After learning about the Un iversal Cycles of Chdnge, he told us:
02008 GOA.UQPC
Section Two
33
I fi n a l l y understand why I have been having so many problems with my 1 7-year-old daughter. I n my mind I stil l think of her as a little child. I am now rea liz ing that I need to "drop off" my perception of her as a c h i l d and start treating her l i ke a young adult. I t makes complete sense to me why there has been so much turbu l ence and chaos in our relationship over the last couple of years.
In this example, it's not l i ke the man could j ust "drop off" the relationship with h i s child. H i s o n l y option was to reorganize who he was within the context of the relationsh ip. As soon as he stopped treating her l i ke a little girl. and began treating her l i ke an adult, their rel ationship got better. The magic i n what he did with his daughter can be found within the struc ture of his internal experience. When he shifted his internal representation of her as being a little girl into a representation of her as an adult, she started acting like an adult. By doing this, he was able to cre ate an enti rely new experience with h i s daug hter. A woman described a powerful experience that she had with her chi ldren and the U n iversal Cycles of Cha nge model. She told us excitedly:
Co;.chinz ln theWoritpQce: I ClOOB GOAUQPC
I j ust have to tell you about the fun niest thing that happened to me last night. After I learned the U n iversal Cycles of Change model, I made the decision that I needed to "drop off" the co-dependent relationship that I have with my five adult children. Even though my children are grown up, they are a l l so needy. I felt l i ke my l i fe was a l l about
them and there was n o room for me. On my drive home last night, I set the intent to release the
co-dependence that has been keep i n g me en meshed with my chi ldren for so many years. After I got home, a l l "chaos" broke
loose. One by one, each c h i l d phoned m e w i t h some major crisis. One of my children's cars broke down, another had j ust broken up with a boyfriend, another was having a bad day, and so on. The phone j ust kept ri nging off the hook with their problems. I told each child one by one that they were respon02008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
35
sible for themselves from now on a n d that they w i l l need to solve their own problems.
At this point in the story, she was glowing as she contin ued on to say: I just wanted to tell you that today is the beg i n n i n g of the rest of my l ife. I a m no longer co-dependent with m y chi ldren and I can have my l i fe back! I am going to go back to school and I am also going to start pa i nting aga i n , and doing the kinds of thi ngs that make me happy. I am gOing to start living my l i fe for me now, i nstead of for every one else.
So often people are afraid to make changes, because they are worried about throwing their lives into t u r bulence and chaos. I n the case of the English wom an, she was worried that her grown c h i l d ren wou l d feel resentment toward h e r if s h e w a s n o t always f u l l y present for them. Instead of bei n g present for her c h i ldre n , she ended up resenting them because she wasn't getting to live the l i fe she wanted. Once she released her chi ldren from the co-dependent bonds, 36
Coaching In meWorkpbcl!! I 02008 GOAUQPC
she was able to create a new way of interacting with them. And in doing so, she found that she could be more present for her chil dren because she felt more spiritually fu lfil led in her l i fe. As mentioned earl ier, the Un iversal Cycles of Change inn uence a l l the areas of our l ives. The primary life a reas that they affect are:
' ((Ie
'\
,
When you assess each area of your l i fe, which Uni versal Cycle of Change are you experiencing in that context? If any of your areas are in turbulence or chaos, you may want to ask you rself,"What are some t h i ngs that I need to drop off so that I can bring my l i fe back into balance?" It doesn't always have to be a dramatic dropping off. You can drop off somethin g as simple as read i ng the morning newspaper or drinking a diet soda every day. Some other examples of t h i ngs that may need to be dropped off are behaviors, beliefs, ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Two
37
attitudes, ways of th inking, perceptions, habits, jobs, and relationships. Our outer rea lity i s a reflection of ou r inner reality. What nature can d o for us is serve as a pe rfect mod el for creating the l i fe we wa nt, as w e l l as showing us how to evolve to higher levels of personal and spiritual fu lfi l lment. The answers to creating what we want in l i fe can be found by becom ing aware of the Universal Cycles of Change and applying them to various areas in our l ives. There is n o reason why we can't harness the same kind of creative poten tial that exists within t h e seed of a plant or a star in our galaxy. In a n i n terview with m u lti-bi l l i o n a i re Bi l l Gates, Barbara Wal ters asked, " N ow that you're the richest man in the world and you can have anyt h i ng you desire, what more cou l d you possibly want?" Gates replied, "To never stop changing. Whatever I do to day, will be considered history tomorrow. I have to make sure that I never stop creating, and that I am always changing." Please see pg. 206 for a li st of suggested read ings.
Meta-Progra ms Meta-programs are subconscious mental-emotional filters that determ ine what you attend to, what you sort for, and what you respond to in l i fe. These pat terns identify how you process information and what motivates you to act. Meta-program profi l i ng is espe cially helpful for coach ing employees because meta programs also d i rectly apply to the work situation. 38
Coaching In the Wort<.pb.ce I Cl OO8 GOAUQPC
These filters form your com m unication style and your preferences for how you interact with others and the world. Identifying your client's meta-pro grams provides a "profi le" of the client's working style and motivational patterns. Once you know your client's meta-programs, you can tailor the coach ing process to their unique ways and maximize the coaching impact. The meta-programs as described below are adapt ed from the work of Rodger Bailey, as wel l as from the work of Richard Bandler and Leslie Cameron Bandler. ( Rodger Bailey is currently making exciting new discoveries about l i nguistic patterns and me ta-programs. He can be reached at www. labprofile. com . ) For a f u l l description of meta-programs, see the book, Words tflat Cflange Minds, by Shelley Rose Charvet. It is important to note that these patterns are con textu a l . They can and w i l l be somewhat different for d i fferent contexts in l i fe. In other words, the set of meta-programs that you use for work may be differ ent than the set used for relationships. Therefore, it is important to hold one context in mind when answering these questions.
Wb)WseJt?_____ t To determi n e someone's t h i n king style t To learn what motivates others
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Two
39
t To tailor your com m u n ication style to the cl ient's style of processing input
t To deliver effective coach ing assignments and encouraging cl ient action toward goals
Wbat do.esitdo?__ t They help you to get to know your client. t They provide questions to "profile" another person's thi nking a nd motivation style.
t They give i n formation to i m prove comm u n i ca tion effectiveness.
t They help you make accurate predictions of how the client is likely t o perform in specific contexts.
t They help you identify what w i l l motivate and de-motivate your cl ient.
l::I ow.. doJ .ch it? You can use the meta-program profile i n your i ntake i nterview. Explain that the profi le serves as a tool for understanding your client and aid in providing ta i lored coaching services. Many of the i n dividual meta-program questions can also be asked as stand-alone questions at any time d uring the coach ing process or to gather information about a context that is d i fferent than the one used in the intake. For instance, if the intake context is the job, you may ask questions later using the context of coworker relationships. 40
Coaching in the Workplace I @2008 GOAUQPC
Part I : Process First. an overview of how to use the tool. This will include the general steps to follow throughout the questioning process. Then we will a nalyze the spe cific items in the profi le. You will also provide a blank profile form.
General process I . Establ ish the context for the questions. such as job/career. or coworker relat ionships You will need to insert references to t he context for cer tain questions and should make sure the client keeps the same context in m i nd throughout the interview. 2. Ask the q uestions using the exact words with ad
ditional references to the context where appropri ate. The questions have been carefu lly designed to get specific types of response. If you vary the wordi ng. you may contaminate the responses and get inva l i d i nformation. 3 . Listen caref u l l y to the client's responses. In some cases. you are listen ing for the form of the re sponse in addition to the content. Th is means that you are attend ing to how t he person responds ( nonverbal patterns. tone of voice. etc.) as well as to the sequencing of the response.
4. Some items offer a checklist for potential respons es. Use the checklist to designate the client's style based on the response.
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
41
5. In some cases. you w i l l note the exact key words! phrases used by the client. Make sure you use the client's key words rather than synonyms for them.
6 . Keep in min d that most of the meta-programs operate on a cont i n u u m . Virtually no one is a l l one w a y or another. Most people w i l l skew t o one side or the other. Meta-programs d o not place someone in a category; i n stead they reveal u n conscious predictive drives and preferences.
7. With practice. you wi l l be able to compl ete a meta-program i nterview with someone conversa tiona l l y and be able to make very accurate prediC tions about what environment. job. relationship. etc.. will provide that person with the greatest chances for success.
Criteria These are the words that a person (client) uses to describe what s h e considers to be i m portant in a particular situation. They are very meanin gfu l to the client and el icit a strong response. It is vital to recogn ize that the cI ient's exact words a re the ones to use because they are deeply anchored to his ex perience. whereas synonyms may not be. It is help ful to get five or six criteria words. Some of them w i l l be very important to the cl ient. For exa m pl e . a client we worked with noted "top pay" as an impor tant criterion in their work. When the words "top pay" were used in com m u n i cating with her. she l it
42
Coaching in theWortc.pb.ce 1 ClOO8 GOAUQPC
up and became very attentive. H owever, synonyms, such as "good money," " h igh commission," or "large rem u nerat i o n , " were greeted with wariness on her part.
t�Questions:
Wflat do you want in a (job, task, coach session, etc.)? wfw!'s important to you in tflis con 'e� i? How is,____ of value to you? When the client answers the questions, write down the criteria words she uses. Feed them back and no tice the positive response you get.
Evidence We use specific measures to determine if our crite
ria are met. For instance, if a criteria word for the context of a job is "cha l l enge," then the person w i l l sort for particular k i n d s of experiences j u dged as "chal lenging." One person may find an assignment req u i ring development of new procedu res "chal lengi ng," w h i l e another may find it "challenging" to negotiate between peop Ie.
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
43
illEQuestions:
How do you know when ( name their criteria ) is met? What has to happen for ( name [heir criteria ) to be fulfilled for you? When the client answers the questions, write down the response they give, and you ' l l begi n to u nder stand what the client needs to feel motivated and interested.
Motivation to Take Action Are you motivated toward goals that you want to atta i n , or are you motivated by avoid i n g potential negative consequences? Or some combination of both? If toward, you are motivated to achieve or at tain goa ls. You have trouble recognizing problems, but you are good at managing priorities. If away from, you focus on what cou l d go wrong, and what is going wrong now. You are motivated to fix prob lems a n d have trouble keeping focused on what you want to achieve.
illEQuestions:
What does having that ( name the client's criteria ) do for you? what's importan t about that ( name the client's criteria ) ? What's i n it for you? Coaching in the Workplace I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Responses indicating a "Toward" response: reach goa l ; obta i n ; have; get; achieve; rewa rd. Respons es indicating an "Away from problems" response: avoid; steer clear of; not have, get rid of; exclude; away from. You ' l l hear both kinds of words if the person has a mixed response. You ' l l want to use the balance of "toward" and "away from" words when trying to help the client get motivated.
Decision Source: ("Who decides, me or some one else?") • Internal: You a re sel f-motivated in the chosen context; you might have difficulty accepting oth er's opinions and d i rection in a certain context. You "know best." When feedback is given, you might question the person giving it. You gather information and decide upon its usefulness. You know when you've done something well or not as a kind of inner cert ai nty. You have a strong in ner conviction about the right action to take. You might be hard to man age as you may not take di rection wel l .
• External: You want. and in fact, req uire other peo ple's ideas, opinions, and feedback about how you are dOing or what to do. You don't have clear in ner standards for the best action to take. Un less you receive feedback from an external source, you might feel lost. You are li kely to receive a sugges tion as a command. 02009 GOAUQPC
Section Two
45
I
i�Question:
How do you know that you've done a good job? Internally referenced people w i l l tell you they see it done properly, or "it jus t feels right" or "I know" or words to that effect . Externa lIy referenced peo ple w i l l mention some k i n d of feedback from oth ers. People who are both internal and external will mention both an in ner knowing as wel l as external feedback.
t Appropriate language to use for understa nding and rapport:
t Internal: What do you t h i n k? "Yo u ' re the only one to decide; Please consider; It's up to you ; Here's i n formation so y o u can decide . . . "
t External: "Everyone knows . . . You ' l l get help ful feedback; This is well -respected i n forma tion; It has been approved by; Experts say ... "
Procedures versus Options t Do you need to create new ways to do thi ngs, or do you prefer to follow established procedures?
t Procedures: You prefer to have rules or pro cedures to follow. You believe that there is a "right way" to do th ings in many situations. When you don't have procedures to follow, you have no starting place. You might fum ble a round, unclear on what to do. I f you are 46
Coaching in theWonq:,bce I ClOO8 GOAIJQPC
a "procedures person," you w i l l follow the recipe instead of inventing your own way. ( Note: Often, people follow procedu res when learning somet h i n g new then expand to find new ways of doing t h i ngs . )
• Options: I f you have t h e options meta-pro gram, you ' l l want to develop new ways of doing things. To you , every situation is a new experience that offers a chance for develop ing a new way to resolve it. You are motivat ed by what needs to be done, not the way to do it. You are good at creating procedures for others to follow, but might have d i fficulty fol lowing them you rself. You w i l l tend to break the rules. For exa m ple. you will not typically assemble somet h i ng following the instruc tions, but w i l l do it your own way.
i6�Question: "Why did you choose your present (name contextl ___?" Options people w i l l give criteria. Procedures people w i l l tell a story about how they got the job. Some one who is a mix of the two wi l l give criteria and tel l a story.
Appropriate language to use for understanding and rapport • With "proced u ra l " clients: Speak in ordinals ("Do this first, then that second" ) ; We need to do it the e2008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
47
right way; steps to take; ta l k to t h e m using the proced ures she can use. For example, notice the difference in these two statements: "Ca l l Phyl l i s f o r i n formatio n . " versus a more procedural sen tence "Pick up the phone and cal l Phy l l i s at ( 5 5 5 ) 555-5555 a n d ask how y o u can receive y o u r free g i ft now." Ta l k about the "right way" to do some th ing.
t With "optional" cl ients: Do it you r way, talk about "what outcome is needed" not "how to do it"; al ternatives; possibilities, new way of doing it. etc.
Mode of Comparison t Sameness: You look for s i m i larities, for what is the same. You have a very long clock, and dislike change.
t Sameness with Exception: You notice what i s the same, and then you will identify exceptions. You ' l l need a sign ificant change every seven years.
t Difference: You notice what is d i fferent. You are more l i kely to mi smatch what people say. You need sign i ficant change frequently. ( I n the world of work, you need major changes in your job every eighteen months, according to Rodger Bailey.)
i�Question:
"What is the relationship between your lcontext l this year and lcontextl iast year?"
48
Coaching in the Workplace I <mOOS GOAUQPC
For example, "What is the relationship between your job tllis yea r and last year?" Sameness cl ients will respond by saying, "It's the same." Sameness with exception clients will say, "It's the same except I am working longer; It's better this year, I l i ke my boss more." Listen for words l i ke more, bet ter, i m proved, less, except. Di fference cl ients wi ll say, "It's ci i fferent," or it's all new," or other words that speak to di fferences.
Convincer • What type of evidence does a person need to gather in order to start the process of being convinced? This has two parts, "channel" and "mode" .
• Chan nel • See: Visual evidence: You need to see the behavi or, action, or product. (Or you need to see a representation of it, l i ke a diagram or a picture.)
• Rea d : You are convinced because something is in writing. When you have read it, you be gin to become convinced
• Hear: You need to be told about somethi ng, or hear the buzz about i t.
@2008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
49
• Do: You have to act u a l l y do somet h i n g , or actively do something with another person .
iltEQuestion:
How do you know when someone is doing a good job? Responses will be a version of: "I see it, or heard about it, or I read it, or I tried it out."
• Appropriate language to use for un dersta nding and rapport: match the sensory chan n e l .
Mode • N u m ber of Exa m p l es: You need to witness an act i o n , service, ski l l , or product a certain n u m b e r of t i mes to be convin ced or learn some t h i ng.
• Automatic: You will make assumptions that somet h i n g i s t h e case with o n l y a l it t l e i n forma t i o n . You may j u m p to concl usions a n d/or give the benefit of the doubt. Once you have made up y o u r mind, you d o not easily change it.
• Consistent: You need to reeva l uate every t i m e. You a re never com pletely convinced.
• Period of Time: You need to gather i nformation over t i m e before you are s u re of somet h i n g .
50
Coaching in the Workplace I 02008 GOAUQPC
Action Level Does t h i s person take ini tiative or wait for others? This may change by context. A person may be pro active in a situation that he or she is fa m i l i ar with and reactive in one where it is unclear what action to take. For example, one shy client was proactive in situations where he knew all the others involved and knew they l i ked h i m . He beca me reactive in sit uations dea l i n g with strangers until h e thought he felt ok about them: then he would grad ually become more proactive.
t Proactive: You take ini tiative. At the extreme, you "go for it" with l i ttle or no planning. You are mo tivated by taking action, and de-motivated if you have to wait. Appropriate language to use for un dersta ndin g and rapport: Do it: Go for it: Make it happen; Now; Get it done; Don't wait.
t Reactive: You wait for others to take action or gather information before moving ahead. You are motivated to bide your time, analyze the situa tion, "don't fix it if it isn't broken, " etc. You will do wel l in jobs where people come to you and you can react to their needs rather than having to in itiate the action. Appropriate language to use for u ndersta nding and rapport Evaluate; Under sta n d : Think about; Wa i t : Study; Ponder; Might; Cou l d ; Would: Assess.
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Two
51
��Question: There is no specific question for this pattern-listen to the language used by the client. Proactive people w i l l use words l i ke "Go for it" or " l ust do it." Reac tive people wi l l say words l i ke "Wait" or "Check it out first"
Big Picture versus Detail Orientation: Does the person pay attention to the big pict u re or details-in other words, do they l iterally notice the forest o r the trees?
• Specific ( Focus on t h e Detai l s ) : You deal well with s m a l l chunks of i n formation and may have trouble summarizing or seeing the bigger picture. You tend to be sequential and l i near i n your t h i n k ing and descri ptions. You give lots of information and detail and expect deta i led descriptions from others. You are effective where detai l s m u st be handled. You can be identified because you give lots of i n formation as y o u talk about somet h i n g .
• General ( Focus on the Big Picture): You tend to think conceptually and see things in an overview. You talk in s u mmaries; give one or two word an swers, etc. You become frustrated if forced to deal with or listen to lots of details for lengthy periods.
��Question: Tell me about a work experience that you really enjoyed: 52
Coaching in the Woricplac.e I 02008 GOAUQPC
If the client gives lots of i n formation. she is more l i kely detail oriented. If the client gives little i n for mation or a broad summary. she is more likely to be a big-pictu re person .
• Appropriate language to use for understanding and rapport:
• With tfle-detail-orien ted person (Specific ) : Exactly. Precisely; Particularly; Specifically (and give lots of details in sequence
• With the-big-Picture person (Genera/): The impor tant t h i ng is; In general; Here is the bottom l i ne ; Here is the big picturE'.
Attention Direction Do you naturally pay attention to the nonverbal be havior of others or to your own internal experiences?
Self: You tend not to show your feel i ngs. and may have a flat af fect . You tend to be more aware of yourself and your needs than those of others. You pay atten tion to the words said rather than the nonverbal cues offered by others. so you may m iss some messages people send you. Interpersonal co m m u n ication ski l ls are not your strong point. C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
53
Appropriate l a nguage to use for u n derstanding and rapport: Keep the com m u n ication focused on con tent; Match criteria .
• Other: You respond i m mediately to other's com m u n ications or behaviors and are adept at hear i ng voice tone sh ifts a n d noticing body language. You can't not respond to others. You tend to be ani mated. Appropriate language to use for understanding and rapport: Increase the depth of rapport by matching or acknowledging affect . There are no specific q uestions for this pattern. It can be identified through observation of the client's nonverbal behavior.
• Time Orientation What time reference does the person typica l l y use? The past? The present? The future?
• Past oriented: You are focused on the past. You can access past experiences easily. You find it difficult to deal with change a n d are not good at p l a n n i ng. You may seem critical of new ideas and proposals ( "We tried that five years ago and it didn't work.")
• Present oriented: You are oriented now. You feel your fee l i ngs clearly. You tend to be " i n t h e moment" a n d g e t caught up i n w h a t you are doing at any given ti me. At the extreme, you can get lost in the moment and not con sider the past o r the future. 54
Coaching in the Workplace I @2008 GOAUQPC
t Future oriented: You are good at planning the future. At the extreme, you might not no tice what is happe n i ng now, and you may not learn from past errors. Appropriate la nguage to use for understanding and rapport: use the same t i m e references.
Style What kind of environment a l lows the person to be most productive: working alone , with others nearby, or sharing responsibil ity?
t I ndependent: You li ke to work alone and have lone responsibil ity for your results. The quality of your work can suffer if you have to share decision making or work with others as a part of a team.
t Proxi mity: You want to have the responsibil ity for the project, but l i ke to have oth ers involved or " i n proxi mity." Prod uctivity w i l l fal l if you have to share responsibil ity as a member of a team or if you have to work a l l by yourself. You w i l l be a good project ma nager.
t Cooperative: You l i ke being a part of the team and want to share responsibil ity wIth others. You may have trouble with deadlines i f you have to work alone. As a manager you will want to do thi ngs with your employees.
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
55
I.t�Question:
Tell me about an experience tliat was I criteria I and wliat did you like about it? In the response, l i sten for whether the client j ust talks about what she did (i ndependent), or if she talks about herself and others. For example, does she say, "I helped my d i rect report to establ ish new goals, or does she say "We . . . " or " Us . . . "
t Appropriate language to use for unde rsta nding and rapport:
t With an Independent client: You will do it yourself: by yourself; You have the responsi bil ity; You ' l l work independently; You're the one. N o one will bother you .
t With a Proxim ity client: You ' l l b e in working with others, but have the u l timate respon sibil ity; You ' l l be in charge; You are the lead person.
t With a cooperative client: Us; We; All together; Teamwork; Shared responsibil ity; Let's.
Part 2: Profile form Meta-Program Profile (Adapled from Ine work of Rodger Bailey, used wil" permission)
56
�ching in the Workplace I 02008 GOAUQPC
Meta-Program Profile Name: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Date: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
PATTERN
QUESTION
Criteria
What do you want in a job?
RESPONSE
What is important to you in a job? Evidence
How do you know when [criteria] is met? What indicates [criteria] is met?
Direction
What does having [criteria] o Toward
met do for you?
o Away Source
How do you know that you o Intemal o Extemal
have done a good job?
Reason
Why did you choose your current job?
o Options o Procedures
Mode of Comparison
What is the relationship between
o Sameness
your job this year and last year?
o Progress o Difference
Convincer channel
How do you know when a O See coworker is good at his or her job? o Hear o Read O Do Continued
@2008 GOAUQPC
Section Two
57
Meta-Program Profile (continued) Name: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ Date: _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ PATTERN
QUESTION
RESPONSE
How many times do you need to
D Once
[see. hear. nead. do] this in order
D # of times
Convincer Mode
for you to be convinced?
DTime period D EveryTime
Action Level
Proactive people use active
D Proactive
sentences. Reactive people use
o Reactive
passive sentences.
Details vs. Big Pictune
If we were going to work on a project together. what would you
D Specific (small chunk)
need to know?
D General (large chunk) D Sequence
Attention Direction
No specific question
D Self D Other D Comparison
Time Orientation
No specific question
D Past D Pnesent D Futune
Style
58
Tell me about an experience that
D Independent
was [criteria] and what did you
D Proximity
like about it?
D Cooperatve
CoOlchin8 in the Worlcpb.ce I C2008 GOAUQPC
Rebecca worked in t he H Rlfra i n i n g department of a large corporation. H R staff offered some l i m ited coaching services to the managers and employees. She had been coach i ng Eric, a middle manager, but the coach ing was going slowly, and Rebecca felt that she was missing someth i n g important about Eric. She learned the meta-program profi l i ng tool and applied it with Eric, both to learn the tool and to im prove her coaching skills. Rebecca immediately learned her style of coaching had been mismatched with Eric's style i n three ways. First, Eric was very "options oriented" while Rebecca was "proced u ra l , " so she kept asking h i m questions about specific steps, which Eric seemed to avoid. She realized he wasn't rea l l y avoiding, he just didn't t h i n k that way She started using more "options lan guage" and immediately found that Eric responded more positively. Second, Eric's working style was cooperative he needed to work with others. She had missed t h is about h i m . Eric had fa i led to fol l ow through o n her suggestions for assignments, but she had been giving him i nd i v i d u a l assignments, pri marily s e l f-reflective ones t h a t he cou l d do o n h i s own . S h e s h i fted t o giving assignments that i nvolved working with others and found that Eri c was more excited about t h e assignments a nd more l i kely to complete t h e m . T h i r d , she recogn ized t h a t Eric w a s motivated b y ex ternal forces a n d knew that he wanted to please her and others. She could see how th i s had resulted i n
C200s GOAUQPC
Section Two
59
some problems in the coach ing process-Eric want ed answers and she had refused to give them to h i m . S h e changed t h e d i rection of assignments, suggest ing that he find mentors or read books-external authorities-to help h i m address specific issues. Rebecca found many other patterns that helped her coach Eric more effect ively. She found that match ing his criteria and evidence was a powerful tool for u n derstanding his motivation and for coach ing h i m on issues. She also used h i s pattern of going from general to specific to sequence coaching top ics and u l t imately found that the process went more smoothly. Overa l l , Rebecca felt she was much more effective with Eric when she matched his style.
60
Coaching in the Workplace I e2008 GOAUQPC
Comm unication Blocket·s What are they? These are responses typica lly int ended to be help fu l , but which often don't work and can actually d i scou rage good communications. One of the big gest chal lenges facing the manager/coach, or H RI EAP coach, i s overcoming the tendency t o direct the employee, which often occurs t h rough these com m u n i cation blockers. Thomas Gordon (the de veloper of Leader Effectiveness Training, 1977) lists sixteen such respon ses, which follow below.
Why do it? Exploring these common com m u n ication mistakes w i l l help make you more conscious of them so you can avoid them .
e2008 GOAUQPC
Section Three
61
The goal here is to sensitize you to the problem state. All of us s l i p i nto these problem com m u n i cations occasionally. I magine h o w y o u w o u l d feel i f y o u were a cl ient a n d g o t responses l i ke these:
t Solution Giving: " Here is what you need to do to solve your problem."
t Commanding: "l ust stop talking so that ) can give you my opi nion ! "
t Warning: " ) f you m i ss another session, ) won't work with you as a coach."
t Moralizing: "You should be more gentle with yourself; being critical of yourself or others is not very usefu I . "
t Lecturing: "Research shows t h a t a state o f uncertainty is helpful to learning new t h i ngs in a coach context."
t Advising: ''Why don't you go and talk d i rectly to the person that you are having trouble with. Getting i t out i n the open will help you to feel better."
t J udgments: " ) don't t h i n k that what you are planning to do is a good idea."
t Blaming: "There's no one to blame but you for the problem you're having, is there?"
t Name Cal l i ng: ") agree with you that you r boss sounds l i ke a complete idiot."
62
Coaching in th e Worltpboce I Cl OO8 GOAUQPC
t Analyzing: '' I'm sure I was q u ite clear. Perhaps we should work on you r listen i ng skills."
t D e n ying: "Your boss i s n ' t angry with you, it's j ust the way she comes across."
t Praising: "Good job for making an attempt to u n derstand it. Trying is the important thi ng,"
t Reassuring: "You poor t h i n g, Hang in there, though. Life's bound to get easier over time,"
t Distracting: "Maybe we should change the subject so that we can get some distance from the problem,"
t Interrogating: "What were you doing when it happened?" "Why weren 't the other staff i n volved?" "What did you r assistant do?"
t Questioning the client's j u dgment: "Do you always have trouble with that empl oyee?" "Is there somet h i ng else that you could do to commun icate with her?" "H ave you tried a n u mber of d ifferent ways to get through to her?" "Is she having personal prob lems that you don't know about?" It can be helpful for the m anager as coach to recog n ize which of these commun ication blockers he or she might be in the habit of using in order to avoid them, None of them has a pl ace i n coaching and w i l l m o s t likely have t h e opposite effect of "bringing o u t t h e best in the client."
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Three
63
Coaching and Nonverbal Communication Why use it? To dramatica l l y i mprove your com m u n ications and have more conscious control over your own internal experience.
What is it? We are always a part of a system You are a system made up of a n u mber of other systems: You have a circulatory system , a digestive system, a mus culoskeletal system, a nervou s system, and so on. Whenever one of these systems i s altered, the rela tionships between a l l of the systems s h i ft. For ex ample, when you alter your posture in certai n ways, you w i l l change the way that you see, hear, and come across to others.
Ho� do I do ttL Nonverbal com m u n ication i s highly significant in overal l com m u n ication. To really u nderstand t h i s , t r y t h e following experi ment.
t Scoot back on your chair s o that you r poste rior is touc h i n g the back of the chair and you are sitting upright. Lean forward s l ig h t l y and imagine that you are in a conversation with someone. Notice you r state. Now, scoot forward in you r chair about six inches, then sit back and rest you r upper back 64
Coac.hlng In the Workplac::e I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
on the chair. Notice how your state changes. Move back and forth from these two positions. noticing the angle of your vision and what s h i fts in your consciousness.
• Leaning more forward-more focused. connect ed. Lea n i ng back-more detached. looking more at the big picture. Notice the change in the angle of your vision.
• Now try th is: Stand u p with your feet about hip width apart. Notice the angle of your vision. Then move your toes out and heels toward each other sl ightly. Notice the visual shift; then move your feet so that they are straight ( really straight. l i ke ra i l road tracks) a nd again. notice the d i fference in the angle of your vision.
• N ow go for a wa l k. first with your feet straight. then with them open. Check out the di fference in your attitude and what you attend to when "straight" versus "open." Most people experience a profound d i fference. With your feet straight. you are most l i kely in a state of purposeful attention. When your feet are open. you slow down. look around more. and feel more laid back. Consider the implications for coac h i ng. As you change your posture. profound com m u n ication dif ferences arise in your abil ity to gain connection and u nderstandi ng. Keep in mind th at one posture or stance is not better than another; each simply pro duces a d i fferent outcome.
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Three
65
Systemic Communications We have explored how subtle s h i fts in body pos t u re w i l l create dramatically d i fferent experiences in com m u n ication and connect i o n . What happens to a system comprised of two people in com m u n i cation? Find a colleague and experiment with this process: Merely rea d i ng about it won't give you the sam e dis coveries as act u a l l y doing it, and you will end up with "academic" understanding.
� Exercise In your pa ir, appoint two roles: I . An emp loyee who is coming to work late. 2 . A supervisor who gives feedback about this to the employee.
I n this exercise, the employee doesn't respond , but you should note how he receives the feedback.
Round One: Supervisor gives the feedback "face to face"
When the feedback is given, notice how the su pervisor delivers it a n d how it is received by the employee. Explore t h e distance between supervisor and employee and the angle of the supervisor's feet (straight versus toes t u rned o u t ) .
66
Cc»chin& in the Wor'kpIillce I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
In most Western cultures, people communicate with each other face-to-face and about an arm's-length apart. Start by giving the feedback from an arm's length away. The supervisor should experiment by splaying his feet slig tly while giving the feedback, then moving his feet to be straight. Notice the response received and the way that it feels to be the supervisor with each of these variations. Now step in and express the feedback from fifteen inches away. Again, note the feelings and any shifts in tone of voice, selection of words or other behaviors. Now move apart by seven or eight feet. Deliver the feedback and note the changes on the part of both people.
Round Two: Supervisor gives the feedback "to the employee's side" Now give the feedback about coming to work late while standing at a three-quarters angle from your partner. Notice what shifts in the analogue of the supervisor and employee. (Analogue refers to the voice tone and tempo, body language, muscle ten sion, and autonomic changes that occur in a com munication. In other words, all the Signals except content.) Explore the distance. Notice how you can get closer when you are to the side of the employee and how that changes the interaction. A)so notice how you can stay more connected when you are far ther away.
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Three
67
Now add a touch . Make it a momentary touch on the arm, m uch as you wou l d if someone were blocking your way at the supermarket. You m i gh t lean over, barely touch h i m and say, "Excuse me." Pay atten tion to how your analogue changes with the touch . Note how the employee responds Years ago, a study on honesty was conducted, and it was found that people tended to be more honest when they were appropriately touched. Of course, touch i n g people does not cause them to be more honest, but touch creates a di fferent relat i onship. In the supervisor employee experiment. notice that there w i l l be a softening of the voice and a different countenance on t h e part of the supervisor. Last, try giving feedback to the person's left side, and t h en deliver it to their right side. Notice the d i fference in response. The employee is probably looking at you di fferently from one side to the other. Also attend to your own feelings as s u pervisor. When we (Tim Hal lbom and Suzi Smith, another coach and N LP Train er) first discovered this, we thought it had to do with handedness or a dominant side. However, our research showed that about half the people prefer feedback on their right side and about half on the left. We di scovered that side pref erence has to do with self-ta l k. Most people have a critical voice that they hear in their m i nd t hat was "insta lled" w h i l e they were growing up. It is an in terjected voice that they acq u i red from Dad or Mom or some other significant other. These critical voices typically seem to come from one side or t h e other. And we don't l i ke criticism that comes from t h e side on wh ich we criticize ourselves. 68
C�dljng in theWor-kpbce I ClOO8 GOALlQPC
The pOint of these exercises is to notice how pro fou n d l y relationships can change by changing the spatial relationship between the li stener and the speaker. As a rule, the coach should be "to the side" of the client. Ta lking straight 011 is good for an in formal chat but not for the serious work of coach ing when you want to be unobtrusi ve and al low the client space to process his thoughts. Try these ex periments in real-life situations, and you w i l l learn some very powerful com m u n ication skills.
Active Listening and Backtracking What is it? Great coaches are highly effective li steners, and the ability to repeat what you are hearing is a key l isten ing ski l l . Backtracking is a special kind of active l is tening where the coach is feeding back what clients say to you usi ng thei r own key words. When you use the client's own words, you w i l l be commun icating in the same way that they are thi nking.
Why use it? Backtracking is useful for:
• G a i n i ng rapport through matching the content and the process words of the cl ient's statements .
• M a king sure you understand the cl ient's state ments.
C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Three
69
t Giving you time to t h i n k about what you ' re going to say next.
t Forcing you to rea l l y l isten to what the cl ient is saying so you can repeat parts of i t back.
t Indicating to the client that you are rea lly listening. t Watching for a congruent "whole-body yes" to statements. It will tel l you the client's level of gen u i ne com mitment. For example, when the cl ient says, "I want X." Coach responds, "Oh, so you want X." Watch for a clear congruent "Yes ! "
How d o I d o
it?
Listen attentively. Feed back what t h e client says, being sure to use their process words ( predicate s ) .
Example
Clien t : " I ' m worried about m y role i n the XYZ project. "
Coach: " S o you're worried about t h e XYZ proj ect-what is it specifica l l y that concerns you?"
Client: " I ' m not rea lly clear about how much a u t hor ity I have for making spending decisions."
Coach: "So you need to know about how m u ch authority you have?"
Clien t : "Yes. I get real l y stuck when I worry about making decisions that m y boss won't later support." 70
Coaching in die 'NorIq:IIace I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Coach: "So what can you do to work with your boss so that you don't get stuck in this way?"
Perceptual Positions What is it? A key element of many coaching processes is help ing the client take a new perspective. These per spectives are actually di fferent perceptual positions and di fferent ways of th i n king. This process is espe cia l ly helpful in coac h i n g employees because work requ i res cooperative effort and the abil ity to shift between a l l t h ree of the perceptual positions when appropriate. There are three perceptu a l positions:
t Self: When you're writing in "first person," you use the pronoun 1-"1 woke up that morning, and I went to school . " That's writing from "Self." It is also an associated position. I n this position, you're in your body, you're hearing and seeing th ings through your own experience, and you are accessing your own neurology. It's your point of view, which is, of course, colored by all your u n i que beliefs, attit udes, experiences, l i m i ta tions, and knowledge.
t Other: In this position, you are considering a situ ation as if you were the other person-looking at it through their eyes, adopting their physiology, personal values, and personal history (as far as you are in formed). The more complete the shift, C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Three
71
the more information you' l l gather. It's l i ke say ing, " I f I were you , how wou l d I t h i n k about this?" You "become" another person and take on h i s pe rs pect i ve.
t Observer: In t h i s position, you are considering a situation from a neutra l , t h i rd-party point of view, seeing yourself and the others involved. Th is is an objective point of view, and you take the de tached, disassociated perspective. In this posi tion, you use the pronouns "she," "he," and "they." You are "going meta" to the situation-yo u ' re stepping back from it. You ' re no longer in it but are the observer of it. and you only have the feel ings of the observer. When you step back from Self and consider "the big picture" of something, you are in more of an Ob server position. Sometimes we ca l l this a "meta-po sition." It's not being in an experience; it's stepping back from it and considering it. Imagine that you ' re going to go parachuti ng. Ini tial ly, you are in t h e position on the gro u n d , watch ing the a i rplane go by and watchi ng people j u m p out of a n a i rplane. After they fal l f o r a l ittle b i t , t h e parachute opens, a n d you see t h e m float down. You can i magine seeing someone who looks l i ke you do ing that. Try that in your m i n d , and notice what that feels l i ke . N o w imagine that you're actually in t h e a i rplane. You're flying along, the doors open, you ' re looking out. and you can feel the breeze blowing. There are a few people ahead of you, and you watch them j u m p 72
C�ching in the Worl
out of the plane. Then it's your turn. You look way down to the ground, twelve-thousand feet below. You can hear the sound of the motors and feel the vibration of the a i rplane. Then you j u m p out. You begin to fal l ! You reach o u t and pu l l the stri ng-you feel t h e parachute open, catch you, and stop you for a second, and then you float down to the ground. The first narrative describes the Observer position; the second one, the Self pos ition. What's the di ffer ence in your experience? In the first story, there's not much feel ing. You only have the detached, objective feeli ngs of the Observer, not those of the participant (Self) People remember events from di fferent perspec tives. Take a mi nute and think of some positive ex perience that you've had in th last few months. It could have been somet h ing i m portant that you did with someone else, a personal success at work, or a fun evening that you spent with a friend. How do you remember it? You may remember it by being in it, looking out of your own eyes. You might remember it from the perspective of "watching yourself." You may even flip back and forth between viewpoints. Now t h i n k of a negative experience that happened in t h e last few months. Don ' t choose the worst event of yo u r l i fe ; recall a minor event such as when some one was rude to you or you lost something. Notice how you t h i n k about it. How do you recal l that nega tive experience? From a n associated or d isassoci ated state? From a disassociated place, you ' l l l i kely t h i n k , "That happened, but it's in the past." If you remember it from an associated state, you will be 02008 GOAUQPC
Section Three
73
stepping back into those negative fee l i ngs all over aga i n . Do y o u know people w h o a re always negative, grouchy, u n friendly, or depressed? They may be con t i n u a l l y accessing their negative experiences from the Se l f position instead of from Observer. It's useful to start noticing these perspectives and realize that you have a choice about them. When you're in Self, you ' re going to have access to your passion and your feel i ngs. When you're in the Ob server position, you're going to be detached. They're both useful positions for d i fferent situations. Exceptional actors often go to the Other position with their character and menta l ly become the char acter. A great example of percept ual positions is Dustin Hoffman's portrayal of an autistic savant i n t h e fi l m Rain M a n . He created t h e character from several sources, but in particu l a r by studying a man named Kim Peek, who has been referred to as the "real Rain Man." Peek has some remarkable abili ties, as is depicted i n the fi l m . Hoffman studied him for hours. He learned how to "go Other" with K i m Peek so precisely t h a t h e moved a n d sounded just l i ke h i m . Here's another exa mple of looking a t an issue from only one perspective: About fifteen years ago, a psy chological association tried to pass a state law that basica l ly proposed that "only psychologists could do psyc hological i nterventions to affect change with other people." The legislative b i l l stated that psy chology consists of anyt h i ng you do that i nduces 74
Coachine: In me Workpbce I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
change in anyone else, whether you get paid for it or not. Certain professions were exempt, such as teachers, clergy, licensed social workers, psychia trists, and doctors, but if you think about it, the bill could affect the field of training, managing, swim ming instruction, or anything. For example, if you go to a training, you're learning new skills. Imagine that you went to a Spanish class and just as you said, "Hola, que tal?" the police could nab your instruc tors and throw them into jail What
pelceptual
position
had
the
association
taken? It was looking at "psychology" only from its own point of view; it never considered all the other points of view. One of the larger groups that strong ly opposed the bill was a program for the elderly, which was completely staffed by volunteers. None of them were licensed therapists. But the bill would have shut down numerous programs like this one for senior citizens. Fortunately, the bill didn't pass. Wise decision making involves inclusion of various perspectives. Passionate commitment is one thing, wisdom is another. Gandhi was once asked how he thought he could negotiate with England. He didn't have any money or power, compared to the huge government that controlled his country. Gan dhi said, "First, I'm going to consider the negotia tion from the point of view of truth." Gandhi was a person w
0
devoted his life to finding his truth (his
autobiography is called My Experiments with Truth). He was trying to find out what was true in the world and how to learn from that space. Where would his truth be? It would originate in his Self perspective.
ClOO8 GOAlJQPC
Section Three
75
Gandhi said, " I ' m go ing to con s ider t ruth from the point of view of the Viceroy, t h e U ntouchables, the H i ndus, a n d the M u s l i ms." A woman who l i ved in the a s h ram with h i m said that before the negotia tion with the Vice roy of E n g l a n d , he wa l ked around the room moving his hands I ike the Viceroy and act i n g l i ke the Vice roy. He was doing what Dust i n Hoffman does; becoming the other person so that he cou l d get t h e other person's point of view. He became Nehru, and then A l i , w h o was the head o f the M u s l i m Congress. T h e n G a n d h i s a i d , " I ' l l step back and l ook at t h i s situation from the eyes of the worl d . " Part of h i s negotiation strategy was to take clea n , clear perceptual positions a n d rehearse t h e other person's point of view so that he could make a much wider range of wise decisions. Coming to a negotia tion from only one perspective i s li miting; coming from a wide variety of perspectives is very powerfuI Jonas Salk, who discovered t h e vaccine for pol io, i s reported to have said, "What wou ld I do as a vi rus? If I were these virus cel l s , what wou ld I do?" He "became" the virus, a n d t h a t perspective gave h i m new i ns ight. Einstein d i d n't come up with the theory of relativ ity by wea ring a white smock and writing a m i l l i on formulas on a blackboard. He said to hi mself, "What would i t be l i ke to be on the end of a light beam, shooting ahead in space? W h a t i f I were on the end of a l ight beam and I held a m i rror in front of me would I be able to see my face, or would the light
76
C<»chlng I n th eWoricpb.ce I Cl OO8 GOAUQPC
not yet be there?" He came up with original ideas by taking different perceptual positions.
What does it do?
t Provides access to resources from the client's life experiences
t Uses metaphors to discover creative solutions to challenges
How do I do it? :!: Exercise I. Take a moment and remember an argument or a situation where you were intimidated, or a situa tion where someone did something that resulted in hurt feelings on your part. Choose a situation that is mild to moderately unpleasant.
2. Remember the situation by stepping back into it-see, hear, and feel what occurred from your own point of view (Self). Identify your feelings and your understanding of the experience.
3. Float up and out to a neutral position (watching from above or from the side). Watch yourself and the other person in detail (Observer). Notice how the other person sounds, looks, moves, breathes, and so on. Consider any information you have about her values, personal history, and experi-
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Three
77
ence im mediately prior to the event you're re membering.
4. Float down i nto the other person , beco m i ng him as fu lly as possible, adapting his physiology, per spective, h istory, and so o n . Replay t h e situation in your mind (fully and completely) from h i s point of view (Other). 5 . Float up a n d off to the side. Watch the i n teraction aga i n , with the i nformation from Self and Other. Watch both players 6. Return to Self. Review the situation again com
pletely.
Now answer the following questions:
t "What has changed for you i n relation to this memory?"
t "Which was easiest to do? t " H ow might t h i s be val uable in your l i fe? Your work?"
Th i s can be a very useful process to guide a client through situations that are confusing o r upsetting.
78
Coaching in the Workplace I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
ll: Exercise With partners, appoint three roles: A, B, and C. A tells a story. B listens for two minutes in each perceptual position (without interacting with A): Self, Observer, and Other. C observes physiological and voice matching. All parties notice the effect of B's shifts in perceptual positions on A. The group shares perceptions of the implications of each posi tion on the communication.
Case Study Max had an ongoing problem with a coworker. Dur ing a coaching session, he revealed that he had just had a run-in with this person and said that the co worker was "defensive" when he gave her some nec essary feedback. His coach had him relive the experience from the Self position. Max reiterated how angry he felt when he was being "attacked" by this person. His coach had him step back to the Observer position and watch the experience. Here, Max could detach and gather information without getting caught up in his feel ings. He then imagined actually being the coworker, standing the way that she did, doing his honest best to take on her viewpoint and life experiences as far as he knew them. He experienced the event through her eyes. When he returned to the Self position, af ter having "stepped into her" as literally as he could, he realized that his style was intimidating to her. He thought through how he could present information more effectively with her in the future, in a way that ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Three
79
would not i n t i midate her. He later said that he felt empowered by this because he developed a strat egy to deal with her. He never became a victim and avoided playing a blame game
Open Questions Why--tlseibem)�_ A primary ski l l of effective coac h i n g is asking good questions. Use open questions to help the client solve her issue, dig deeper for creative responses, and stimu late articulation of t h e i r th i n king. This skill is espec i a l l y useful for the m a nager/coach to draw out the employee's th inking, t o build problem solving skills, and encourage creativity.
Wbat�re.they? These are questions that cannot be easily answered by a simple "yes," "no," or any other single word or number. They i nvite the person to talk further, and they d i rect the client's attention to a speCific aspect of what has been sa id. Open questions can ask for more sensory-specific i n formation. For example, in response to an employee's claim that "My friend is always putting me down ! " an open question might be: "How, specifica l ly, does your friend put you down?" or "When, specifically, does she do that?"
80
C�ching In the Worlcplace I @200B GOAUQPC
How do L do it? Open questions that start with "how" e l i cit better i nformation than those that start with "why." Why questions tend to create defensive responses and elicit excuses, j ustifications, and explanations. The following exercise w i l l help get you to t h i n k about how to structure your questions effectively. Open questions can ask for more information about the person's desired outcome. "How would you know if this problem was solved?" or "What needs to be di fferent fo; you to feel good about this?"
!S Exercise
I . A client has been discussing h i s frustration about the way h i s previous coach worked with her, which i ncl uded offeri ng lots o f advice
• Ineffective closed question: "Was there somet h ing that you could appreciate about that coach?"
• Poss i b l e open question: " Having had that experience, what do you want in a coach ing rel ationship now?"
• Write another useful open question: 2 . A client has been tel l i ng you that she finds her work challenging beca use the company won't pro vide training.
C1OO8 GOAUQPC
Section Three
81
t In effective closed question: "Are you upset about that?"
t Possible open question : "What are the skills that you feel that you need to improve upon?"
t Write another useful open question: 3 . A colleague is discussing his feelings of resent ment about one of the other workers in his workplace.
t Ineffective closed question: " H ave you told them about this?"
t Possible open question : "What do you t h i n k might b e t h e best solution for you i n dea l i n g w i t h t h i s person( sj?"
t Write another useful open question: 4. A client has j ust explained that he hated sports as a teenager.
t I neffective closed question: "Do you hate sports now?"
t Possible open question : "How do you t h i n k t h a t affects y o u now?"
t Write another useful open question:
82
Coac;hing in the Workplace I C2008 GOAUQPC
5. An unem ployed friend tells you he is trying to get a job at a place where you have a contact.
t Ineffective closed question "Do you want me to ask the boss about it?"
t possi ble open question: " H ow can I help you with that?"
t Write another useful open question: 6. A client explains that he didn't get the promotion
he wanted, so he's applied for a job at another company.
t I neffective closed question: "Do you want to work for them?"
t Possible open question: "Why do you think that they didn't h i re you and what might you do next time you apply for a job that you want?"
t Write another useful open question: 7. A cl ient begins to cry about a situation that has arisen.
t I neffective closed question: "Are you okay?" t Possible open q uestion: ( After acknowledg ing that it is ok to have these feelings ) "Now that you are letting your fee l i ngs out, how do you want to dea l with this?"
t Write another useful open question: ClOOS GCWlOPC
Section Three
83
8. A client discusses his feelings of depression after he loses his job.
t I neffective closed question: "If you cou l d b e the way y o u wanted, would y o u l e t go of those sad feel i ngs?"
t Possi ble open question: "You've lost your job, and that's tough. What is your next move?"
t Write another useful open q uestion:
The Meta-Model Busi ness is primarily the accomplish ment of specif ic tasks through cooperative effort. The meta-model i s an excel lent tool for business comm unication because it works to specify com m u n ication when it i s necessary and appropriate. It provides a method for dea l i ng with what is missing, distorted, or over general ized when t h i nking and com m u n icating. The meta-model offers some very powerful q uestions for coach ing, and provides a framework for knowing when to ask the right question.
What is it? Many of the NLP techniques used in coaching basi cal l y origi nated with the meta-model. l ohn Grinder and Richard Band ler originally developed this tool to identify and clarify classes of language patterns in order to improve com m u n ication. Ba ndler and Grinder began this process by model ing change experts Virginia 84
Satir ( t he originator of fa m i l y C�chin, in me �bce I 02008 GOAUQPC
moos GOAUQPC
Section Three
85
therapy ). M i l ton Erickson (a famous psych iatrist ) . and Fritz Perls (the developer of Gestalt therapy). a l l of whom used meta-model i n q u i ries intuitively, yet with great ski l l . One o f t h e basic presuppositions o f N L P i s expressed in the metaphor that "the map is not the territory." Maps are useful because they have a simi larity to the terrain they depict, but any map w i l l be a l i mited and incomplete representation of the terra i n . The external world-what may be called "real ity"-is l i ke the terrain. At any moment, we are bombarded with b i l l ions of bits of information, but we can only process a small portion of what we receive from the world. Without our brain's abil ity to filter i n forma tion by deleting, distorti ng, a n d generalizing input, we would be overwhe l med. We unconsciously cre ate mental models or maps that serve this filtering function. Our maps select what to attend to, what is important, what events mean, how the world works, etc. We then use these "maps" of the world to gUide our behavior and negotiate l i fe. Good com m u n icators understand another's "map of the world." Meta-models provide techniques for gathering this information. Our "maps" either em power u s or l i m i t us, so o u r goal i s to increase the chances that l anguage wi l l em power us.
Wbat does iLdo?
t H e l ps to clarify the thoughts of the speaker for better understanding.
86
Coioching in the'Wortq>bce I 02008 GOALJQPC
t Uses language to draw out a person's model of the world, which i s below the surface of thinking.
t Creates change in a person's experience to expand his model of the world, creating more options for thi nking, deciding, and understa ndi ng. Every word is an anchor for a deeper and often richer set of meani ngs. For each l istener, the same set of words wi l l create different images that a re depen dent upon his experience. So if I say, "She showed me something," what literal representations do you have in your mind? Who is she? What is she showing me? How is she showing it to me? You m ight ask, "Who is showing you what and how are they show ing it to you?" I could then respond , "My dog Penny s howed me her puppy by carry i ng it to me in her mouth." The meta-model distinctions fall into th ree identify ing sets:
t Gathering I nformation ( Deletions) t Noun Deletions (who, what, which, where, or when is left out)
t Comparative Deletions (there is an impl ied compa riso n )
t Lack of Referential Index ( u nspecified per son , place, or thing)
t U n specified Processes (the ' how" of it is unclear-the process i s vague)
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Three
87
• Nominal izations ( a n active process is men tally changed into a static t h i ng )
t L i m i t s of t h e Speaker's Model (Generalizations) • U n i versal Ouantifiers: Absolutes ( a l l , always, never, nobody, a n d s o on )
• Modal Operators of Necessity ( s hould, must have to, and so on )
t Modal Operators of I m possibil ity (can't, i m possible, not able to, and so on)
• Lost Performatives (overgeneral ized j u dgments)
• Semantic I l l-Formedness • Cause and Effect (a claim that something outside of a person is causing him to have an emotional response)
• M i nd Reading ( a claim that one knows what a nother is th i n ki ng or feeling)
t Presuppositions (assumptions that are im pl ied i n the speaker's language)
How do I do it? To learn to use the meta-mod e l , you need to be able to hear the distinctions and respond with an appro priate meta-model question. 88
C�chin, in the Workplace I 02008 GOAUQPC
distinctions The meta-model is a set of linguistic distinctions that allows you to understand a speaker's experience and get more predse infoonation about the person's -map or model" of the world.
distinctions fall into 3 sets
Gathering infoonation
appro priat. meta-model qu.stion
For each linguistic cue, there is a speci fie question that allows you to gather information, challenge limitations, or fill in gaps in the speaker's presentation.
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Three
89
Simple Deletion With simple deletions, the subject and/or object of the sentence is missing or unclear. To recover it, ask, "Who or what, specifica l ly?" Sam p l e:"I' m happy." Meta-model response:
"About what, specifically?"
Unspecified "Who" (Referential Index) In this instance, words a n d phrases in the speaker's lang uage do not identify w h o is being referred to. I f t h e word o r phrase fails t o identify a specific person or t h ing, the l istener has identified a genera l ization. Meta-model inqu iry: "Who, specifically?" or "What, specifica l ly?" or "Which ___, specifica l ly?" Samp l e : "They said to contact you . " Meta-model response:
"
W ho , specifically, said to con
tact me.?"
Comparative Deletions Com parative deletions occur when an i m pl ied com parison is being made in the speaker's mind, but it is not clear what is being compared to what. Some of the key words to listen for incl ude "enough," "too," "better," "best," and "most." The meta-model response is "As compared to what (or whom )?"
90
Cc»chiog in the Workpbce I C2008 GOAUQPC
Sa mple: "This computer is too expensive," Meta-model response:
"It's too expensive compa red to
what?"
Nominalizations Nominalizations occur when an active process is changed into a static thing, The pu rpose of recog nizing nominal izations is to assist the speaker in reconnecting his l i nguistic model with the ongo ing processes in his experience, When nominal iza tions are used, static images are created in the mind of the l i stener and speaker The use of the meta model, in this case, turns the static images into mov ing pictures, which provides a lot more information at the conscious leve l. You can turn a static image into a mental movie by changing the nominal ized word to an active word using an "ing" fo rm, For example, change "relat ionship" to "relating," " i n for mation" to "informing," and so on When something can't easily be turned into an "ing" word, you can ask, "How, specifically?" Sam ple: "Mary i s awfu l l y passive for a being such a free-spirited person,"
"How, exaclly, is Mary passive?" "What do you mean by 'free spirited'?"
Meta-model response:
Sample: "My confusion prevents me from moving ahead," Meta-model response:
"What is confusing you, and
how?" 01008 GOAUQPC
Section Three
91
Unspecified Verbs U nspecified verbs are those that lack the specific ity needed for the listener to completely understand the exact or true mea n i ng i ntended in the commu n ication. (All verbs can be further specified . ) The meta-model i n q u i ry is " H ow. specifica l ly?" Sam p l e : "My father scares me." Meta-model response:
"Scares you how""
Universal Quantifiers U n iversal quantifiers are absolutes in the l i nguis tic world. These are phrases such as "never," " a l l , " "every," "always," and "no o n e . " They a r e words that overgeneralize based on a few experiences to a whole class of experience. One way to use the meta-model with absolutes is to backtrack the absolute word, but exaggerate it with your tone of voice: "ALL? Re a l ly?" Another way is to c h u n k down the generaliza tion by asking "who (or what) specifically?" Sample: "This person never arrives anywhere on time ! " Meta-model response: " N EVER?" " I t i s y o u r experi ence that he is never on time?" "For anything? ! "
Sam p l e : " I t is impossible t o get anything done on ti me." Meta-model response: "Has there ever been a time when you did get something done on time?"
92
Coaching in the Workplilu I cnOO8 GOAUQPC
The procedure can be outli ned in two steps:
I . Listen to the speaker's language, identifying universal quanti fiers. 2. I n q u i re about the un iversality of the general
ization. Sample: "You work all the t i m e ! " Meta-model response: "I
work A L L the time? Is that
truly you r experience?"
Modal Operators of Necessity Modal operators of necessity are statements identi fying rules about or lim its to a person's behavior. Ex amples of modal operators related to necessity are "should/shouldn't," "must/must not," and "have to." To i n q u i re about these li mits, ask, "What stops you?" or "What would ha ppen if you did (di dn't ) ?" Asking "What stops you?" helps the person to t h i n k about what experience ( s j he had i n which h e cre ated this genera lization. Asking "What would hap pen if you did ( d idn't)?" gets the speaker to consider consequences. Avoid asking "Why?" It might work to u nearth high-quality i n formation, but more often will instigate defensiveness, explanations, or iusti fications, Sample: "I have to get everyt hing done." Meta-model response:
@1008 GOAUQPC
"What slops you?"
Section Three
93
Sample: "I should n't tell them how I feel about that." Meta-model response:
"What would happen if
you did?" Sample: "Our new project must be completed by year's end ! " Meta-model response: "please tell me, what would happen if it isn't completed?"
Modal Operators of Impossibility Modal operators of impossibility are statements that describe what is considered i m possible in the speaker's own map of the world. They are identified by words such as "can't," " i m possible," "not pos sible," and so on. Many people l i m i t t h e i r world u n n ecessarily by thi nking something d i fficult or u n fami l i a r is " i m possible." It is often usefu l to chal lenge this l i mited t h i n king by asking, "What wou l d happen i f y o u could?" Notice h o w t h e s e questions are typical l y more useful than asking "Why?," which often leads to rationalizations, defensiveness, or ex planations. Sample: " I can't apply for the promotion." Meta-model response:
"What is stopping you from
applying?"
94
Coaching In theWorkpbce I C2OO8 GOAllQPC
Lost Performatives Lost performatives (where the performer is not iden t i fi e d ) are j udgments that a person makes that she bel ieves to be true about the world. These are gener a l izations based on her own map of the world. They are identified by words such as "best," " good," " bad," "stupid," "annoying," " right," " wrong," '·true," "false," and so on. To i n q u i re about a lost performative, ask: "For whom?" or "Accordi ng to whom?" or even (gen tly) "Who says?" You can also ask for evidence: "How do you know?" The mental strategy for using t he meta-model in q u iry with lost performatives can be described in th ree steps: I . Listen to the speaker's la nguage for generaliza tions about the world-these are identified with words in the same class as stupid, annoying, right, wrong, true, false, and so on. 2 . Identify that this is a generalization about the
speaker's model of the world. 3 . Since this is a generalization about the model and not about the world, the coach (effective commu nicator) may help the speaker to develop more possibil ities within his model .
Sample: "It's bad to be late." Meta-model response:
"Bad for whom?"
Sample: "Th i s is the right way to behave." ClOOS G<WJQPC
SectionThree
95
Meta-model response: "Tliis is tlie riglit way for wliom to do it?"
Cause and Effect A cause and effect statement is made when a person clai m s that someone or some situation or some thing is creating an internal response in h i m that does not exist in reality or a case where the connec tion is not clear. The meta-model i n q u i ry is. " H ow does X cause y?" Sam p l e : "This music an noys me."
Meta-model response: "How exactly does tliis music cause you to be a nnoyed?" Samp l e : "He makes me mad."
Meta-model response: "How does liis beliavior make you mad?"
M i n d Reading Mind reading happens when know what another individual what is motivating the other specific com m u nication from what is in his m i n d .
a person claims to is t h i nking or knows person without any the speaker about
T h e meta-model inquiry for this pattern is. " H ow d o y o u know X ? " T h i s provides a way for the speaker to become aware of and even to question those as sumptions that h e may have taken for granted. 96
C
Sample: "My dad doesn't care what I do." Meta· model response:
"How do �ou know Ihal your
dad doesn't care?" Sample: "You're not going to l i ke this, but . . Meta-model response:
"How d o �ou know Ihat?"
Sam ple: " I know you w i l l think that this is a stupid question , but ... " Meta-model response:
" How do you know Ilia I I'll
Ihink Ihal it's stupid?"
p
Presu positions (Silen or Hidden Assumptions) Presuppositions are (sometimes unconscious) as s u m ptions that a person makes In identifying pre suppositions, the goal is to help the speaker identify those basic assumptions that na rrow his model of the world and l i m it behavioral possibilities. Linguis tically, these basic assumptions show up as presup positions of the person's language. For example, to make sense out of the sentence " I ' m afraid that the new manager i s as untrustworthy as the last one," you have to accept as true the idea that the original manager was untrustworthy. To identify presuppos itions, ask yourself "What must be true or assumed for the person to be say ing this?" 02 008 GOAUQPC
Section Three
97
The meta-model response u n masks silent assump tion by asking for evidence or by backtracking the hidden assumption. Consider t h i s statement: "If my boss knew how overburdened I am, he wou ldn't keep d umping more responsibilities on me " This sentence assumes that the person is overburdened, that his boss is giving him respo n sibil ity as a way to rid h i mself of them, that his boss is u naware of how he is overburdened, and that his boss's behav ior would change if he knew about his fee l i n gs. Pos sible q uestions incl ude the following: "How do you get yourself overburdened?" or " H ow do you know that your boss is unaware of this?" or " H ow do you know that he is d u m ping on you rather than entrust ing you with responsibil ity?" Sam ple: "Since Monty is so mean, let's avoid h i m . " What w i t h i n the sentence m ust be true?: Monty i s mea n ; he s h o u l d b e avoided.
Meta-model response: "How is Monty mean?" "What will a voiding him get us?"
98
�chin, In the Wcnpbce I C2OO8 GOAUQPC
Step 1 : Identify the con text or position
If nettSSa ry. repeat the steps You can use the dient's response and ask the
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Three
99
Craft of C oaching The coaching "crafts" that follow are a set of specific skills that can be used i n coach ing sessions. These are the "n uts and bolts" of coach ing a n d are espe cially useful for coach ing employees. The manager/ coach can easi l y incorporate many of these patterns, although it is best to "switch hats" i nto the coach ing role when u s i ng them.
Acknowledging What is it? Acknowledgi n g the client is acknowledging her deeper self. For example, the coach might say, "I know that you must be disappointed about not receiving the promotion-you definitely worked hard and were well prepared for i t . " It is "seeing" the cl ient.
Why use it? Often , what's rea lly going on with a person is not acknowledged, but when the coach articulates it, it becomes part of the conversation. It i s di fferent from praising. Praising is making a j udgment or an eval uation of a person ; acknowledging is about stat i ng what is.
What does it do? It creates a deeper rapport with the client.
1 00
Ce»ching in me Wortqmce I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
� Exercise Identify five people who you know we l l . Write an acknowledgment of who t hey are or who they have been to get to where they are today. Based on these acknowledgments. how m ight you acknowledge yourself for who you are or what you have done to become the person that you are now? Take a few mo ments to make a list of you r own accomplish ments.
Challenging
What is it? Challenging is suggesting that your client do some t h i ng that would take her we ll beyond his comfort zone. It m ust be a strong enough chal lenge that your client will actual ly resist it. For example. if you have a worka holic cl ient whose l i fe is way out of balance. you might challenge her to take two hours a day for p u re personal fun and recreat ion She may say that there's no way that can happen and give you a lot of reasons. You now have a place to begin negotiating for something that wi l l move her toward what she rea l l y wants. I f she is in connict. this step w i l l typi cally identify both sides o f the issue. which you can then h e l p her resolve.
Why use it? Challenging is helpfu l in two ways. The first is that it gets your client to stretch beyond where she would
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Three
101
go on her own. They say that l i fe winners stretch themselves ten percent beyond their comfort zone. The second way that challe nging is helpful is that it demonstrates that you beli eve in your cl ient and that she has what it takes to move beyond where she thought she cou l d go
What does it do? It motivates the cl ient to go beyond where she wou l d norma l l y go on her own.
l! Exercise Working in a sma l l group, identify three areas of you r personal or work l i fe that are out of balance and write them down. In groups of th ree, describe these imbala nces. Then work together with your partners to devise a challenge to each area that takes you beyond your comfort zone. Negotiate a counteroffer with them.
Intruding What js it? Intruding is a way of politely interrupting your client so that she doesn't go on and on about a topic in some way that i s not useful d u ri ng the coach ses sion . While coaching, you might intrude by doing the followi ng: 1 02
Coaching in theWork,place I ClOOS GOAUQPC
I . Backtrack your understanding of her story so far. In other words. you give the sum mary. Limit your s u m mary to a few well-backtracked sentences. Backtracking means that you feed back what you hear to the speaker. For example, the speaker says, "I rea l l y want to move ahead on this project, it is very important to me." You i n terrupt and say, "So it is very i mporta nt to you." 2 . Tel l her that you are going to interrupt her. "I need to i n terrupt you for a moment" or "Excuse me, I'm not certa in where we are going with this." 3. Use meta-model questions such as "How specifi
cally?" or "Where speCifica l ly?" or "Tell me what you mean by that."
4. Redirect the conversation toward a more use ful topic by asking something l i ke "What d i d you learn from that?" or "What d i d having this ex;.>eri ence mean to you?" 5. Identify a positive intention for the long story: "I know you're going somewhere important with this story; what is it that you are real l y wanting now?"
W..hy� useitL I ntruding as a useful ski l l for maki ng the best use of coaching time.
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Three 1 03
l:! Exercise
Your c l ient is tel l i n g a long, ra m b l i ng story-some t h i ng he can go on and on about. As he tells the story, remember that your job as a coach is to i n ter rupt h i m and help to change the course of the story by trying out d ifferent coach i ng ski l ls . Ask h i m to summarize: "What does that mean to you?"
Inquiry What is it? M i lton Erickson, considered one of the world's fore most hypnotherapists and one of the early models for N L P, kept a n u m ber of objects in h i s office: small ornaments, u n usual penci ls, little figurines, and so on. At the end of a therapeutic session, M i lton wou ld often h a n d h i s cl ient an object, tel l i n g the cli ent that there is something with deep meaning for h i m in the object and that he s h o u l d concentrate on it between t h e i r sessions. The c l i e n t would of ten find that something i mportant bubbled up from his unconscious min d through t h i s experience. As a coaching ski l l , i n q u i ry taps i n to this idea .
Why use it? This is a powerful way for the client to maintain a conscious focus on a new way of being in the world.
1 04
Coaching in the Woncplilce I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
What does it do? I n q u i ry is a question for renection and self-d iscov ery. With your i nqu iry. you offer a question to a cli ent for h i m to ponder until you meet aga in It is not necessari ly a question that has a "right" answer. I nquiry questions could i nclude:
• "What is my state of m i nd when I ' m doing my best?"
• "What am I postponi ng?" • "What am I holding back?" • "What do I say yes to. and what do I say no to?"
• "What am I sett l i n g for?" • "What do I rea l l y want here and now?" The book Coaclive Coaching has a long list of inquiry questions. Some coaches maintain lists of in qu iry q uestions from which they can choose.
::; Exercise
Working in a sma l l group. brainstorm several useful i n q u i ry questions for the following coaching con texts: motivation. follow t h rough. identifying what's working i n your l i fe, and getting past stuck places.
C)2008 GOAUQPC
Section Three
1 05
Requesting What is it? You can make a request of your cl ient. Of course, you will only request what is relevant to your cli ent's agenda. You might, for example, request that your cl ient take action on somet h i ng that she's been procrastinating about. You might also turn a cl ient's complaint into a n opportu nity by suggesting that she consider making a request of someone else.
Why use it? Requesting is used to nudge the client forward. For example, if your client complains that h e r boss does not read her reports in a ti mely way, you might sug gest that your client make a request of the boss. No tice how this re-empowers the client a n d keeps her from getti ng stuck in "victim mode."
How do I do it? When you request that the client complete an as signment, follow t h rough on someth ing, or try out something new, it's i m portant to remain unattached to your idea. Even if you're pretty clear that your idea would be very hel pfu l to the client, it's up to her to answer in one of th ree ways: she can say yes, she can say no, or she can come up with a d i fferent pos sibil ity If she says yes, employ the coach ing craft of accountabi l ity. If she says no, you can ask her what she will do o r how she wants to approach dea l i n g 1 06
Co;aching in meWof"kplace I 02008 GOAlJQPC
with this issue. If she ma kes a counteroffer, you can again employ accou ntability: "Would you l i ke to be held accountable for this?"
is Exercise Form groups of two. List five areas of l ife in which you have a complaint. Your partner should devise a request that addresses each compla i n t . To each re quest, you can say yes, no. or make a counteroffer.
Content Reframing
What isjt? Reframing is putting someth ing into a d ifferent framework or context than that in which it has been previously perceived. It helps to expand the client's possibil ities. For example, imagine that a friend of yours walks by in the morning and does not respond to your friendly "hello." There are many meani ngs that you could take from this, and they w i l l depend on your experience, your beliefs, and your mood. You might think that she simply didn t hear you, or that she doesn't l i ke you, or that she is angry, or that she's rude for some reason , and so on.
Why USE- it? Most clients spend much of their t i me thinking with in the mental boxes that they have constructed ClOO8 GOAUQK
Section Three 1 07
in the i r l ives. When clients d isplay l i m i ted thi nking, refra m i n g offers new poss i b i l ities for understanding a situation in a broader way,
2 Exercise
Think of somet h i n g that is a n noying or that causes you concern (your child got a "0" on a test, or your boss seems grumpy). Then ask you r client (or your self):
t How i mportant will t h is be i n ten years? t In relation to all of the t h i ngs the person does and a l l of their actions, behaviors, a nd traits, how i m portant is this?
t How does t h i s act u a l ly i m pact one's l i fe? t N a m e five t h i ngs that t h i s situation could mean that wou l d not cause you the same concern.
t Reverse the l i m iting presuppos i t ions. Ask: "How is the opposite of what you thought actually true?"
One-Phrase Reframing I nspi red by Robert D i lts (one of the co-fou nders of N LP ) . one-phrase refra m i n g reframes pejorative statements about oneself or about others. The pur pose is to help clients move past self-sabotaging l i m i ts by rephrasing the key words or statements that they make when describing their l i m i tations.
1 08
CO
Notice how the following word sequences get less pejorative, but could actually mean the same t h i ng:
t cheap-frugal-thrifty t compromisi ng-considerate-respect ful t mental-stuck i n his head-i ntel l igent bri l l iant arrows
t selfish-aware of his own n eeds-looks after h i mself
Applying One-Phrase Reframes Change a word that has a l i m iting or negative con notation to a new word or phrase that is more positive or gives a wider perspective. Have the cli e n t fi nis h the statement: "I stop myself because 1 _____ ." The client may say something l i ke:
t "I stop myself because
1 don't want to be
criticized by someone."
t "I stop myself because 1 am afraid I ' l l fa i l . " t "I stop myself because ( ' II look foolish." t "I stop myself because 1 feel awkward about meeting new people." Reframe using a new word with a more positive mea n i n g or a wider context (time, people, or space ) . For exa m ple, y o u can change "look foolish" t o "take a risk." ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Three 1 09
t Clien t : "I stop myself because I am afraid I ' l l fa i l . " t Possible CoacH reframe: ''I'm confident that you have a l l the resou rces you need to meet this chal lenge (or take t h i s risk ) . "
t Clien t : "I stop myself because I a m afraid I ' l l look foo l i s h . "
t Possible CoaCH refra me: "It c a n be hel pfu l to be sensitive about how you come across to oth ers
t Client: "I stop myself because I am afraid I ' l l get criticized."
t Possible CoaCH reframe: "I'll bet you can fin d the usefulness in any feedback."
t Client: "I stop myself because I am afraid I feel awkward meeting new people."
t Possible CoaCH reframe: "It's good to be clear about your present state so that you can move beyond it."
1 10
COioching in theWorkp!ilce I 02008 GOAUQPC
Sbction 4�.
'-' Ma�gt
cient Sessions
C oaching Session Overview Each coaching session is a process in itself, and t h e coach can use the "Coach Session Overview·' to ma nage the steps w i t h i n a coaching session. It covers everyth i ng from the pre-session preparation to post-session notes and follow-up. The coach can use t h i s map to keep on track with the client in each session.
Gaining Rapport Rapport can be defined as being "in sync" or "on the same wavelength" or "in harmony" with another person. It implies clear understanding and mutual credibility between two or more people. The ingredients i n rapport were an early discovery from modeling through N L P. Mi rroring or match ing certain aspects of a client's behavior creates
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Four I I I
1. Presession o Preparing for
the session - Make space for the client - Set an intent for the session
Backtrack of the session Review accountability! inquiry/assignment Bridge to next meeting (date and time)
1 12
Coaching in the Workplace I Cl2008 GOAUQPC
natural rapport. These incl ude her postu re, her breath i ng, the tone and tempo and volume of her speech, and the process words she uses. When rap port is achieved, the mi rroring becomes mutual.
Why use.itL When natural rapport occurs, the speaker and l isten e r are "in sync," the com m u n ication flows smoothly, and both parties easily u n derstand each other. A deep level of rapport is a requi rement for effective coachi ng.
WhaLdoes it do?
Ba ndler and Grinder, the first N L P developers, mod eled these processes from exquisite commun ica tors, such as M i l ton Erickson and Virginia Satir. These people were able to create deep empathy with the people with whom they con nected and were able to lead the conversat ion, as we l l . Practic i ng these methods will a l low you to create rapport q u i ckly, even with clients with whom you fi nd it hard to connect.
How do I do it? Rapport is gained by matching the t h i n king process of the other person. People t h i n k in th ree primary modes: visual (picturing in the mi nd's eye ) . kines thetic (feelings, i nternal sensations ) . and auditory (words and tones, talking to one's sel f).
@2008 GOAUQPC
Section Four t 1 3
We a l l t h i n k by picturing t h i ngs, talking to our selves, and having feel ings. For each of us, however, one mode tends to be dominant. When someone com m u n i cates with us u s i ng our favored mode, we u n derstand him better and relate to what he is com m u n i cating more easi ly. Developing the abi l ity t o match another's mode gives us more flexi b i l i t y i n our com m u n ications and general l y results i n heightened rapport. How can you determine a person's lead mode? I . Notice h i s posture, how he holds his feet , the angle of his head, and where h e has h is hands. M i rror this posture.
Convincer: Try hav i ng a conversation where you fi rst mismatch the other person's posture. Then match it. Notice the d ifference. 2. Match the rhythm a n d speed of another person's
breath i ng.
Convincer: Try having a conversation where you first mismatch the other person's breat h i ng. Then match it. N otice the d i fference. 3. Match the tempo a n d tone of the other person's speech.
Convincer: Try having a conversation where you first m ismatch the other person's voice. Then match it. Notice the difference. 4. Match the process words used ( p redicates that identify which of the sensory modes a person is t h i n king i n : visual , auditory, or kinesthetic). 1 14
Coachinz in theWorkpb.ce I @2008 GOAUQPC
Through the process words people consistently report how they are thi nking, 't takes a little l is tening practice to identify these words, but it is definitely worth the effort,
Comrnon yjsuaL E'redicates
t See ( " I see what you mean") t Picture ( " , can't picture that") t Perspective ("Get a new perspective") t Blank (", j ust went blank") t Look ( " Look at this!") t 'mage ('" need a clearer image of the problem") ..
t Colorful ("A colorful example is . . )
ComrnQ[ l8.uditoC)L E'redicates
t Rings a bel l ("This rings a bel l ! ") t Static ( " H e gives me a lot of static") t Tone (", don't l i ke the tone of this") t Say ('' I ' m only going to say this once") t Listen ("Listen . . , " ) t C l i cked ("Things j ust cl icked for me") t Tel ls ("Something tel l s me , should 02008 GOAUQPC
")
Section Four
" 5
Common Kinesthetic Predicates
t Feel ( " I rea l l y feel good about this" ) t Touch ("Get in touch with me") t Cold ( "She's cold and i n sensitive") t Walk ("Wa l k me through this prob l e m " ) t Get a handle ( " I can't get a handle on this") t Reach ( " I keep reach i n g for a decision") t Solid ( " Let's get a solid understanding of th is" )
Watch Nonverbal Behavior Vi su al When you think in pictures, you tend to breathe higher in your chest and more s h a l l owly, You tend to talk more rapidly and i n higher tones, Your shoul ders are held upright and straight
Ki n esth etic
When you are i nt o your fee l i ngs, you tend to breathe more deeply and lower i n your stomach area, You talk more slowly and in deeper tones, and you pause longer between words and sentences, Your shoul ders w i l l be more sloped and relaxed,
1 16
COloching in the Workplace I 02008 GOAUQPC
Aud itory There are two types of a u d i tory t h inking: tonal and words. When you are more aware of tonal ity, you'll speak in a tempo somewhere between that of vi sual or ki nesthetic thi nkers, with a rich or musical tona l i ty. You'll breathe evenly in your diaphragm or with the whole chest. often with a prolonged exhale. Your posture may be the "saxophone position" ( how you'd look if you are playing the saxophone, with the shoulders pushed bac k ) . When you are thi nking in words or listening to your internal d i a logue, you might touch your hand to your ch i n , cock your head to one side, or breathe shal lowly.
Holding The Client's Agenda In today's worl d, it is diffi c u l t to stay focused on our goa ls because we are faced with a thousand distrac tions on a daily basis. Coaching h e l ps us to stay on track. Holdin g the client's agenda is a primary job of a coach.
Purpose t To help keep the client focused t To provide boundaries for the c l ient
Method t Work with the client to establish an agenda. This may include two levels:
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Four 1 1 7
t The larger set of val ues, dreams, and goals for which the client wishes to use coach ing. These are usua l l y identified i n the i ntake session or recontracting sessions.
t The specific agenda established for the ses sion.
t There are many methods for holding the cl ient's agenda:
t Stating the agenda and restating it at specific ti mes
t Backtracking and relating topics to agenda items
t Asking powerfu l questions based on the cl ient's agenda
t Intrud i ng when the client goes off agenda t Chal lenging relevancy when the client goes off agenda
t Pointing out conflicts in agenda items
Directionalizing the Communication ?_______________ WbaLisjt U s i n g your words and l a nguage structure to d i rect the conversation in a pu rposeful way. This is a s k i l l t h a t c a n make a tremendous di fference in the out come of a coaching sess ion or meeting. The first few 1 18
�chin, in the Woric.pbce I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
words that the coach utters w i l l set a d i rect ion. If the coach asks, "How has it been going since our last conversation?" she will probably get a vague answer, or perhaps lots of information that may not be use ful for the session. If the coach says, "What is our goal for today?" she'll usua l l y get a specific response from the client i n d icating the direction she wants to take. That is much more usefu l .
Why use it? When you d i rectionalize, you use lang uage to lead a person's or group's experience and i ncrease the l i ke l i hood of the experience being s uccessful . As men tioned above, doing so helps to avoid getting too much content or irrelevant content for the coach i ng session, and with this coaching ski l l , you di rect the coach conversation in a useful way. You can use certain patterns that assume a d i rection. These are statements, words, or ph rases that create an as s u m rtion in a sentence, and they incl ude some very powerful language patterns of i n fluence. There are several types of key presuppositions:
t Time. This category presu pposes that something w i l l occu r; it is j ust a matter of when. Some time presuppositions are "when," "before," since," "after,"and "next week."
t "Do you want to sign the contract before we have l u nch?" presupposes that the contract w i l l be signed.
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Four 1 1 9
• "Since we are meet i ng today, we can finish off the X project" presupposes that we are meeting and then we can fi nish the project.
t Or/ord inal. These presuppositions provide for a choice between options. Ord i n a l presuppositions put something into a sequence:
• "Shall we meet at your office or mi ne?" pre supposes that we are goi n g to meet, it is only a matter of where.
• "will this be the first time that you have iden tified your personal criteria for work that mo tivates you?" presupposes that you w i l l set your criteria.
t Adverbs and a d j ectives. These words modify sen tences and add a descriptor. Notice that any "Iy" word can be used as a presuppos ition.
• ''I'm wondering how qu ickly you can identify the goals for your project" assumes that you w i l l set your goals, and the only question is the speed of your completion.
• "Fortunately, the whole team will be pres ent, so all the questions can be an swered" assumes that questions wi l l be answered .
• Awa reness. These presuppositions assume that something is the case, and the only question is whether or not you are aware of it. Awareness presuppositions i nclude "aware," " realize," "rec ognize," "know," "see," and "caught on."
1 20
CO;)ching in theWorkpbce I 02008 GOAUQPC
t "Are you aware of how often you already use these forms of language?" assumes that you use presuppositions, and it d i rects your at tention to whether or not you a re aware of this fact.
t "It won't take our clients long to figure out that we provide the most timely service," pre supposes that we provide the "most ti mely" service. The I istener's attention is d irected to the client's realizing the fact.
! Exercise Create groups of t h ree: A, B, and C. Write out a typi cal opening statement of three or four sentences that you might make as a coach when opening a coa ching session, a fter you've said your greet ings. W i t h assistance from A and B, do the following:
I. What is presupposed? 2 . What is the internal response of the listener?
What is assumed in h i s internal experience as a result of the statement? 3. Revise your "directionalizing" statement to direct
the listener in the way that you want.
Examples
A trainer opens a new employee orientation session with the statement "I hope that this session is not too eleme ntary for you." What is presupposed in the C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Four
121
statement? Where does it d i rect the l istener's atten tion? How might the trainer restate this so that it moves the session a long in a positive way? Notice the d i fference when the trainer says, "By the end of t h i s session, you w i l l know five t h i ngs that are es sential for your success here." A manager opens a meeting by saying: "I know that everyone's m i nd is on the X project, but before talking about that, there are a couple of thi ngs I want to get out of the way." The whole group mental l y checked out u nt i l he got back to project X. He later said that he was trying to ac knowledge the team's main con cern, but he did need to cover a l l the topics. It might have been better to say something l ike, "I know that everyone's m i n d i s on project X, b u t before w e discuss that. there a r e two criti cal informational items that you need to know about."
1 22
C�chinl: in theWot-kpbce I ClOOS GOALJQPC
Im portant coach ing i m p l i cations: A coach opens a coach session by saying, "Tell me how it's been go ing si nce our last session." Put yourself in the cli ent's position. What is your i n ternal process? You are req u i red to sort through a lot of information and try to pick out the relevant pieces. i t is a very vague request. Useful possi bili ties for opening a coach ing session in clude the following statements:
t "What is our agenda for today?" t "Where are you now, and where do you want to be by the end of this session?"
t "What do you want to accom pli5h today?" t "Before we discuss your goals for today, tell me how it went for you on last week's plan." Each of these open ing statements will di rect the coach i ng conversation in a useful way. Always re member to be clear about you r goal before you get started. Once you know you r goal it's fairly easy to lead the conversation in a productive way.
Outcomes Requirements for Success People are more com m i tted to goals they set for themselves and that arise out of their own desires and i nterests. The process of creating well-formed outcomes comes d i rectly from N U' and is especially useful for the manager/coach because it provides
C1OO8 GOAUQPC
Section Four 1 23
specific questions that ca n help an employee to for mu late powerful goa l s .
What is it? This set of thi rteen q uestions represents the re q u i rements necessary to e n s u re a well-formed out come-in other words, an outcome that should be ecological and appropriate and that will be ach ieved if the questions are an swered properly.
Why use it? Most outcomes are not really wel l formed, and thus have less potential for success. So, by responding to each question, the c l i e nt has a m uch better chance of success. When an outcome is clear and not resist ed by any i n ner forces w i t h i n the i ndividua l , the cli ent wi ll organize his or her unconscious processes around it to achieve it.
How do you use it? Asking the following questions meets the req u i re ments to help ensure success: I . What do you want?
t Is the outcome: t Stated in the positive? (what you do want, not what you don't want)
t Can you i n i t iate it? 1 24
Coachin, In theWorkpl..c e I C2008 GOAUQPC
t Do you have control over what happens? t Is it a large global outcome or is it of manageable chunk size? Break it down into smal ler outcomes if necessary.
2. How w i l l you know when you've got it? t What is the evidence? 3. Is the evidence described in sensory terms?
t Can you see, hear, fee l . sme l l , or taste it? 4. Where, when, and with whom do you want it? t What is the context? 5. What are the positive and negative consequences
of getting you r outcome? 6. What resources do you need to achieve your
outcome?
t Do you need information, attitude, i nternal state. tra i n i ng, money, help, or support from others. etc? 7. What are you al ready doing to begin to achieve
your outcome? 8. What will achieving that outcome get for you?
t You must determine the real benefit beyond j ust achieving the specific outcome. 9. Is the fi rst step to achieving your outcome
specific and ach ievable?
©2008 GOAUQPC
Section Four 1 25
1 0. Is there more than one way to get you r out come? I I . What time frames are i nvolved? 1 2 . What stops you from having your outcome now? 1 3. Imagine stepping into the futu re and fi nding you r outcome f u l l y realized. Look back and determ i n e what steps were req u i red to achieve the outcome now that you have it. ( " Backward Planning")
Meta-Outcome
(or The Outcome of the Outcome) What is it? Most of the goals we set are rea l l y a means to a greater end. Meta-outcome goes beyond an i n itial goal to identify the d ream or desire that the i n itial goal serves.
Why use jt? t To find critical motivational patterns and get beyond poorly formed goals
t To resolve conflicts between parts o f oneself or between people
t To lead you to the client's real criteria 1 26
C�china: in the Woncpbce I 02008 GOA.l..JQPC
What does it do?
t Identifies what rea lly motivates you (or a client) towa rd a goa I
t Uncovers critical values or criteria t Identifies the i n terests in a negotiation t Identifies the benefit be h i nd
oJ
feature or an
activity
How do I do it? When addressing meta-outcomes with an individual: Start with a goal or outcome. This can be any goal, but it is especia l ly useful when a goal does not meet the criteria for a "well -formed outcome." An example of a poorly formed outcome would be "I want the customers to show me more respect." Imagine that the outcome is actually fulfilled and ask, "What would having this outcome fulfil led (cus tomers treat you with respect) do for you?" In this question, you are aski ng for the outcome of the outcome. The client might say, "If customers treat me with more respect, I w i l l feel confident handling their complaints." Note whether the answer is stated positively and is truly within the person's control. Does the answer include an in ner state or a value? "Confidence" is an i nner state. If the answer is not stated positively or is outside the person's control, then repeat the meta-outcome ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Four 1 27
question with the goal from the a nswer. For i n stance, the response, "The customers wouldn't be so abusive," is stated negatively a n d is outside of the person's control. You wou ld repeat the meta outcome question with the following question: " I f the customers weren't so abusive, what would that do for you?" I f the response is, "It would be easier to do my job," this is stated positively and may be w i t h i n the person's contro l . It wou l d be worthwhile to ask the meta-outcome question aga i n to get to an inner state or va l u e: "And i f your job was truly eas ier as a consequence, what wou l d that do for you?" "Then I would feel more confidence " Repeat back the key words and ph rases and confirm them with the cl i ent. "So, what you rea lly want is to feel more confident when dea l i n g with your custom ers. Is that right?" Using meta-outcome to resolve conflict between people: Listen to the position advocated by each party and backtrack the positions to ensure u nder standing. Ask each party what fulfi l lment of their position wou l d do for them. The idea is to move beyond con fl ict i n g positions to higher-level motivation. Con t i n u e asking the meta-outcome question u n t i l you arrive at a shared outcome or at outcomes that are compatible. Point out to the parties how they both want the same or s i m i lar goals, and then use this frame to ga in cooperation and resolve the conflict.
1 28
�hinl in theWorkp�ce I C2008 GOAUQPC
Questions to Determ ine Meta-Outcomes
t "What wi l l having that get (or do) for you?" t " H ow i s that of val ue to you?" t "What is your goal i n doing that?" t "What will that a l l ow you to do, or to hav�, or to be?" Steps to Determ ine Meta-Outcomes
t Set the context and state a position (outcome). For example:
t "I am going to starve myself to lose weight." t "I ca n ' t apply for the job that I want." t "I need to be responsible for everything that happens in my office."
t "I want to be able to stay calm when my wife/ h usband yel l s at me '
t Backtrack your u n derstanding of the client's position and ask one of t he meta-outcome questions.
Case Study l ack, the manager of a new marketing campaign, had been out of the office for a week on company busi ness. Before leaving, he found out there was some tension between two members of his team-M ike and Sandy-and he was s u rprised to find that it had 02008 GOAUQPC
Section Four 1 29
escalated to the point of threate n i n g the functioning of the whole project team. He knew that he needed to act quickly to resolve the matter. He brought M i ke and Sandy together for a meet ing to resolve the conflict. Jack started by taking the time to learn the positions of each party and then to ask each person some meta-outcome questions. M i ke felt that Sandy was taking s hortcuts and com promising qual ity. He wanted her to slow down, attend to the details, and ta lk with him before she took certa i n actions. When asked what having Sandy behave this way would do for h i m , M i ke said that it would ensure that the project was done right. lack repeated the meta-outcome question, and M i ke answered that having the project done right would make the company look good and that he would feel a sense of accomplish ment. Going one step further, M i ke sa id that this outcome wou l d mean the project was a success and that he would be proud to have worked on it. Sandy felt that M i ke was holding everyth i ng up. She wanted M i ke to "loosen up" and be more creative in address ing needs rather than doing everyt h i ng by the book. lack asked her what having M i ke behave this way wou l d do for her, and she replied that it wou l d free her up to get thi ngs done without wor rying about M i ke's demands. lack continued with meta-outcome questions, and Sandy reported that being freed up to get thi ngs done would mean that they could get the project done successfu l l y and, ideally, ahead of schedule. And this wou l d al low her and the project team to stand out i n the company. 1 30
CoiIching ln the Workplace I C'l200B GOAUQPC
As they spoke about their meta-outcomes. M i ke and Sandy both realized that they wanted the same gen eral goa l : a successful project outcome. They were a lso su rprised to learn that they both wanted to be proud of the project. This point of agreement gave them i nspiration to find a working compromise. San dy agreed to talk with M i ke ahead of time on specific matters. and Mike agreed to be open to alternative solutions as long as product q u a l ity was not com promised. The tensions that previously threatened the whole project were resolved in a single meeting of less than t h i rty m i n utes simply by asking meta outcome questions'
Storyboarding Your Future Backward Planning for Long-Term Goals What is ...rtL Storyboa rding is a process of backward planning key steps toward accomplishing you r goal and mak ing your dreams come true. This is a great tool for coach ing employees because it teaches them how to make a road-map to achieving long-term goals and m a i ntaining their own motivation.
C2OO8 GOAUQPC
Section Four
13 1
Why use it? t To b u i l d a bridge between the current state and a long-term goal using backward p l a n n i n g
What does it do? t Provides a l i n k between current activities and long-term goals
t Identifies major mi lestones to mark progress toward long-term goa ls
How do I do it? I . Create a wel l-formed outcome with a rich , fu ll representation of a long-term desirable future. Determine an appropriate time frame for comple tion of the goal ( six months, one year, three years, and so on ). 2. Ident i fy the halfway poi n t between now and the
desi red future. For instance, if the goal were one year away, this " midpoint" would be six months away. Identify what cou l d be happening at the m idpoint that would be clear and strong i ndica tors of progress toward the desi red goal. Usin g these i n dicators, create a representation of this halfway point, and place it i n the appropriate spot between now and the desired future. 3. Now identify a halfway point between now and
the m i dpoint j u st created i n Step 2. This will be a "quarter point" on the way to the final goa l . For 1 32
Ccndiing in the WorkpI�ce I C200B GOAUQPC
i n stance, if the goal is one year and the midpoint is six months, the quarter point is t hree months away. Identify what could be happe n i ng at the quarter point that would be clear and strong in di cators of progress toward the mi dpoint and, hence, the goa l . With these ind icators, create a representation of this quarter-point landmark and place it in the apprflpriate spot between now and the midpoi nt. --
-
" �
�I
�
-
�
-
-
Section Four 1 33
4. Create a halfway point between now and the quarter poi nt. This will be an "eighth point" on the way to the fi nal goal. For instance. if the goal is one year. the midpoint is six months. and the quarter point is t h ree month s. the eighth point is six weeks away. Identify what could be happen i ng at this eighth point that wou l d be clear and strong indicators of progress toward the quarter poi n t and. hence. the goal. Using these indica tors. create a representation of this eighth-point m i l estone and place it in the appropriate spot be tween now and the quarter point.
5. Identify the next steps that are a l ready underway or that can be taken i m mediately that move to ward the "eighth point" outli ned in Step 4. 6. Create a line that goes from the goal-setter (at
"Now") through all of the previous points and d i rectly to the desi red goal in order to create a strong a n d clear connection between a l l of these steps. Doing so w i l l make the long-term goal an inevitable consequence of the steps along the way. 7. Test it to find out how atta i n able the goal seems
now that it has been put on a storyboard that l i n ks a l l the appropriate stages to the desired goal.
1 34
�chinC In theWoritpbce I ClOOB GOAUQPC
Case Study Mark had studied dil igently for several years to be come a mediator. He wanted to start a mediation practice, but felt overwh el med and did not know where to start. Storyboarding h i s future seemed l i ke an exce l l ent way to proceed. First, he defined the long-term goal by specifying the conditions and de tails of the outcome. Mark wanted to work fou r days per week, five hours per day, and provide at least seventy-five hours of d i rect mediation services per month. He was transitio n i ng out of employment with the state of California and wanted to maintain an income. He also thought that he could use his experience to work with government employees but was not li m i t i ng hi mself t o this population. He be l ieved that he could accomplish this goal in eigh teen months. At the halfway point ( ni n e months ) , he would have an established mediation practice with a mini m u m of t h i rty client-contact hours per month, or about eight hours per week. He would have a fu l ly developed web site, have establ ished a network of referral sources, have written at least two articles for publ ication in local papers, and be actively ma rket i ng his services. He wou l d be getting referra l s from satisfied cl ients. He wou l d have reduced his state employment to part-time hours, or about twenty four hours per week. At the quarter-way point of four-and-a-half months (eighteen weeks), he wou l d be providing ten hours of mediation per month. He wou l d have designed and published the web site. He would have a netClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Four 1 35
work of potential referral sources, including attor neys and financial plan ners. He would have joined the local Chamber of Comm erce and at least one other networking source. He wou l d have reduced his work time with the state to thi rty-two hours per week. At the eighth point ( n ine weeks ) . he would have started marketing h i s mediation services and have at least two cl ients. He would have discussed his long term plans with his manager at the state, whom he felt was su pportive of his goals, and created a plan for reduced hours at work. Mark was a l ready taking steps by completing his mediation tra i n i n g He was working on identifying his strengths as a mediator and drafting a write-up of his phi losophy of mediation for incl usion on his web site. These topics became the focus of the im mediate coaching activity. Moreover, he began con ducting research on how to set up a n account for accept ing credit cards, and he had gotten su pport from h i s wife to begin setting up an office at home. At the end of the storyboard ing session, Mark felt that he had a clear plan of action and no longer felt overwhelmed . He felt renewed enth usiasm for his career choice and was eager to proceed.
1 36
Coachin8 in the Worlc.fMace I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
St.rt with a well-formed outcome
process to create a well-formed outcome with clear guidelines for achievement. StOlyboardin is best with long-term outcomes (one year in this example). Storyboard the outcome
For each step, get clear and strong evidence of movement toward the goal. Step 2'
1/2
poinl
(6 months)
Test
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Four 1 3 7
State Management What is it? This is a process that enables you to choose your state of m i n d in any context. Many work chal lenges arise because people do not manage themselves well and act out of u n resou rcefuI states. Coaching employees to manage t h e i r own state empowers them to get better resu lts on t h e job and in l i fe .
Why usejtL t To be able to access an d maintain t h e state of m i nd that is most useful for a specific context. Examples of states include be ing accepting. articulate. relaxed. focused. and playfu l .
t To increase flexibility a n d personal power t To manage yourself and maintain a resourceful frame of m i n d .
What does it doL t Offers a powerfu l way of progra m m i ng yourself now to automatica l l y access the state when you want it
t Al lows you to identify a desired state for a par ticular context
1 38
�ching in theWorkplace I ©2008 GOAUQPC
t Provides a method for accessi ng the desi red state
t Provides a means to ma intain the state for the appropriate t i me
Huw do Ldo it? I . Describe the situation or context in which you want to access a certain state. Identify whether you want to succeed at a certai n performance ( for example. singing ) ; to solve a problem ( for exa m ple. working through a computer glitch ); to deal with others ( for example. resolving a prob lem with your boss ) ; or to do a task (for example. writing a project plan). Identify who. what. where. and when. Consider the activities that go before and after the context. 2. Identify the state of m i n d that would be appro priate or most powerfu l in the situation: playfu l . alert. flexible. a n d s o o n . Consider t h e following:
t What are your goals and i n tents for your state in the situation?
t What evidence wi II let you know that you have accessed the desired state (breathing fully. s m i l i ng. staying focused)?
t What will you do to achieve and mainta i n t h e state (technique. posture. m i nd set. i ntent)? Consider several ways that you can maintain the state.
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Four I 39
• What potential problems could arise that could t h row you off in relation to your state? What will you do to rega in it? Consid er severa l ways to rega i n the state if you get t h rown off.
Case Study I W i l l i a m was about to make a major sales presen tation that could result in a hefty commission and add a significa nt contract to the company's book of business. He wanted to be at his best, so he chose this goal as the focus of a coaching session. State management seemed an appropriate coaching tool for W i l l iam's situation. W i l liam described the context as t h e conference room at the host company. He had been there once before for a pre l i m i nary meeting and had met two managers who wou l d be involved in the decision making process. The meeting would i nclude these two managers, the CFO, and the CEO of the company. This was clearly a "performance context." Before the meeting, W i l l ia m wou l d organize h i s materials and make sure that the presentation and other materials were i n place and ready to go He had arranged with the managers to arrive ten m i n utes early to set up everyth i ng in the conference room. After the meet ing, h e hoped to be celebrating a signed contract . W i l l i a m's goal was to "wow" them. H e intended to be upbeat. professional, e n t h usiastic, and fully pre pared to handle any question that might arise. He noted that he was at his best when h e adopted an
1 40
Coachinl In the�ilce I «:12008 GOAUQPC
attitude of detachment from the goal of making a sale and i nstead focused on the people in the room a n d the moment. As evidence of t h i s state, he imag i ned himsel f standing t a l l , fee l i n g fl u id i n h is body, and being mentally clear, focused, and upbeat. When asked how he might ach ieve this state, Wil liam said that it helped to remember two thi ngs. F i rst, he thought of his belief in his company and the product. Second, he thought of how he really l i kes people and that "high-level executives" are j ust people. When he foc used on them as people, he felt connected to them, ready to hea r what they had to say, a n d eager to make sure that they unde rstood what he had to offer. He also felt less drive to "make the sale" and more confident that he could make the best presentation possible. He felt that h e could mai nta i n the state by focusing on the process and the people, not on the resu lt. W i l l ia m came up with several methods to regai � his confident state should he get th rown off, including a self-anchor for being present, use of his presenta tion as a process anchor, keeping his attention fo cused on the other people, a n d using the rapport that he developed previously with the managers. W i l l iam's confidence seemed to grow with each an swer to the state management questions. At the end of the process, he was glow i ng an d said that he felt sure he cou l d do his best. At the next coaching ses s i o n , W i l l ia m reported that the fficers did not sign the contract at the end of the meeting as he had hoped, but the state management process worked
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Four 1 4 1
beautifully. He felt that he had done h i s best. He then ann ou nced that they had ca l l ed two days later to negotiate the deta i l s and had signed the contract the next day!
Case Study 2 Fred was applying for a new position. Part of the appl ication process incl uded a n i nterview with a panel of d i rectors, and he was a bit nervous about this. Using the state management process, Fred fi rst thought through the context in deta i l . He identified the state that he wanted to be in d u ring the inter view. He wanted to be articulate, flexible, warm, and have a sense of conviction. H e identified the physi ological and mental evidences for each state. Then he decided how he would access the states. He remembered ti mes when he had been in each state. He menta l l y stepped back into the experience and relived it. He noticed his feel i n gs and how h i s body felt d u r i n g t h e experience. H e noticed that if he stood up w h i l e doing t h is , it was easier to truly access the states. He used appropriate language to help drive the states. For example, to access the state of convic tion, he said, " ) know that ) know" in a convincing tone of voice. To el icit warmth, he i magined looking at each person on the pa nel and thi n ki ng, ") am glad you're here."
) 42
�chinl ln the VoIori
Step I : Describe the situation or context in which you want to achieve a certain state, such as: a. Performing b. Problem solving c. Relating to oth IS d. Accomplishing a task Identify the desired state Step 2: What is an appropriate. powerful state of mind that supports effectiveness in the situation?
Goals and Intents: What is your goal in the situation? What is your intent? Evidence: How would you know you are in the desired state? Actions: What steps or actions can you take to initiate the state?
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Four 1 43
He found postures that supported each state and found ways to move h i s body to enhance the state congruently. He then thought about what might happen that could throw h i m off balance. such as being asked tricky questions or rudeness on the part of a panel member. He rehearsed dea l i ng with strange ques tions or off-pu tting behavior u n t i l he was satisfied that he would maintain the state. He later reported to his coach that the interview was a "breeze."
1 44
Coaching in the Workplace I @2008 GOAUQPC
Appreciative Inquiry Appreciative I n q u i ry (AI) is a new approach to per sonal and organizational development based on social constructionist theory. It states that human systems are made and i magined by those who live and work within them. A l has grown rapidly si nce its inception in 1 987 from the work of David L. Coo perider, PhD, and Suresh Srivastva, PhD, from the Weatherhead School of Management at Case West ern Un iversity Traditional change man agement efforts are deficit based and focus on fixing what is wrong, an ap proach that presupposes that there is something wrong with the system. Al is strength based and places the focus squarely on what is right and what is working with i n a system. The goal is to find what you appreciate, i n q u i re i nto it, dialogue about it, and build on the positive core within a person or orga n ization.
©200B GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 45
AI is both a perspective and a set of practices. It has been applied to orga nizational change with major corporations, to systemic changes i n social systems or groups, and to i n dividual change. People are more successful and lead happier lives when they b u i ld on their strengths. The model of AI provides a basic framework for effective coach i ng because it identifies and bui l ds on strengths. The basic idea is simple: Find what you appreciate (a strengt h ) a nd inqu ire into it. The format for the i n q u i ry is t o go backward, inward, and t h e n forwa rd.
Wby useit?
�
t To bring the best of the past forward t To identify and build on strengths
Wbat dQes iLdol
___ _
_
__
t Provides resources useful for specific situation s t Provides a model for learni n g from experience t Offers a basic format for effective questioning in the coach i ng context ( backward-inward-forwa rd)
!::l o w _doLdoitL_ I . Identify something that you appreciate about yourself ( a n activity, a value, or a strengt h ) or somet h i n g that you appreciate i n a system (a
1 46
C�ching in me Workpbce 1 02008 GOAUQPC
company activity, company values, or company strengt h s ) . 2 . Go backward. Recall a t i me w h e n the activity, val ue, or strength was expressed. This process w i l l b e m uch more effective w h e n y o u (or y o u r client) reca l l and relive a n actual experience. 3 . Go inward. I nq u i re into the experience w h i le the person relives it to identify the conditions and in gredients that made it work. Here are some ques tions to ask or areas to consider:
t Conditions t What were the conditions that a l lowed the strength to be expressed?
t What did others or the system do that helped to express the strength?
t I ngredients t What state of m i nd goes along with the strength?
t What was your goal? t What did you do to express the strength? t How did you do it? t What ingredients contributed to expression?
01008 GOAUQPC
Section Five
1 47
• Be li efs and values • What beliefs and values hel ped you to ex press the strength?
• What was your role in making it happen? 4 . Go forward. Take what is learned from going "in ward," and bring these g i fts forward into the pres ent and the future. You can apply what is learned to a l most any situation; it doesn't need to be o n l y for those situations where the strength natu ra l l y occurs. In fact, the conditions, ingredients, beliefs, values, and contributions provide much material that can be helpful ( i n surprising ways l in moving toward any goal or issue in a coach ing context. Ask, "How can you use what you have learned here for (the goal or issue)?"
Case Study l u l i e was stuck on a project at work; she had to rol l out an in-house train ing academy. The project re q u i red col laborative teamwork with members of another department who were less invested in the project, and she was fal l i n g beh i n d schedule. There was a history of strained relations between the two departments from before her tenure, and she felt some people were holding their old grudges against her. She wanted to resolve the matter herself rather than taking a complaint t o her superiors. Using AI, l ulie reca lled a time when, several years earl ier, she had experienced i ncred ible colla bora tion working with a trade association to coordinate 1 48
Coaching in the Workpl.lce I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
a large vendor trade show. She had seen a high level of coope ration, even though association staff mem bers held very di fferent positions within the asso ciation and a l l had primary duties u n related to the trade show project. Staff from affiliate member or ganizations also volu nteered time to help with the project. She described the following ingred ients and conditions in the collaborative effort:
t Shared excitement about the result t W i l l i ngness to help each other out t Creativity in handling barriers t Clarity about what cou l d or could not be done t Permission to request t i me or help from others ( n ot only from upper management, but from each other)
t Respect for each other's duties and time con stra i nts J u l i e's part i n faci l itating the col laboration was her own enthusiasm, which a l l owed her to com m u n i cate t h e vision o f a n exceptional trade show that would make the members of the trade association proud. She reca l l ed specifically that she would make requests of others with a two-fold goa l: first, to get a task accompl ished, a n d second , to get ideas and i n p u t from the person that could help her to move forward, especially if the person was unable or u n w i l l i n g t o help d i rectly.
@2008 GOAUQPC
Section Five
1 49
J u J i e recalled how she wou ld get herself through the tough times by t h i n king about how amazing it wou ld be if she pul led off a success despite the odds against her. After a l l , she had no staff, no real au thority, and very few resou rces. She needed others to make proj ects happen, and they were a l ready very busy with their own workloads. J u l i e i m mediately real ized that she had gotten caught up in the politics of the organization and had lost sight of the project vision. She had also avoid ed using her own manager because she feared that her concerns about the other department would be perceived as blame and wou l d make a bad situation worse. J u l i e recognized di rect parallels between the two situations and how she cou l d use all that she had learned then to help her now. J u l i e felt clear about what she needed to do. She needed to revitalize her vision of a su perb trai ning academy that would be a mark of distinction in her orga n ization. She knew that she could formulate re quests, incorporat i n g the vision, in a way that would take some of the pressure off of others, making it easier to get them involved. She began fee l i ng ex cited about "pu l l ing it off" despite the h i story in the organization and about how this achievement could rea l l y i m prove her job, and her perspective, overa l l .
1 50
Cw.chinl in theWor-kpb,ce I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Step 1 : Identify appreciative topic Identify something about yourself or your company that you appreciate, (activities, values.
Relive the experience. Tell the storyl And uncover: Conditions: What outer conditions contributed to the experience? Ingredients: What other ingredients helped? (Your state of mind? Actions? Contributions?) Beliefs/Values: What beliefs and values did
02008 GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 5 1
Gregory Bateson's Problem-Solving Strategy What is it? This t echnique, adapted by Robert D i l ts from the work of Gregory Bateson, a British anthropologist, uses l i fe experiences to solve problems or ga in new perspectives on diffi c u l t or cha l lenging situations. It is unique in that the resources to solve a problem are obtained from a l ife experience that is total l y u n related t o t h e challenge o r difficulty at hand. This new l i fe experience i s used to metaphorica l ly frame the chal lenge and find creative solutions for the cur rent problem
Why use it? t To solve problems t To obtain perspective on d i fficult or challenging situations
t To get out of or beyond "stuck states"
What does it do? t Provides access to reso u rces from the c l ient's l i fe experiences
t Uses metaphors to d i scover creative solutions to chal lenges
1 52
C();Iching in theWorkplace I @2008 GOAUQPC
Step 2: Think of an
situation and which is a resource for you-something that really gives you a sense of identity, mission, creativity. or passion. Imagine doing this activity to bring forth the good feelings that derive
@2008 GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 53
How do I do it? This technique works best when you use spatial an cflOrin9. Spatial anchoring al lows you to separate aspects or steps in a process by separating them in space. Create three physical locations in front of you and designate them as follows:
Problem State
Resource State
Observer State
I . T h i n k of some problem with which you are at an i m passe. such as an " i n a bi l ity to concentrate 0:1 studies." 2 . Step into the Problem State location; associate into the problem situation and experience what i s happening. 3 . Step out of the Prob lem State and into the Ob server State position. 4. Think of something that you do that is completely
u n related to the probl e m situation and which is
1 54
Coaching in the Workplace I C2008 GOA.UQPC
a resource for you-an activity or abil ity (such as skiing) that real l y gives you a sense of identity, mission, creativity, or passion. 5. Step into the Resource State location and associ ate into the resource experience. 6. Look over at the Problem State from the Resou rce
State. Make a metaphor for the problem situation in the context of the resource activity. That is, if the problem were being expressed in the context of the Resource State, what would be happening? (An inabil ity to concentrate is l i ke constantly get ting one's skis crossed . ) 7 . Fi nd t h e solution t o t h e problem from with in
the metaphor. (When you are getting your skis crossed , it is best to slow down, focus on moving one s k i , and let the other ski follow.) 8. Step out of the metaphoric situation into the Problem State and bring the solution with you. Tra nslate and apply the metaphoric solution to the original context. (When it is time to study, slow down, pick one thing to study, focus on it, and let the other things follow.)
Case Study Larry had failed the bar exam on three separate oc casions. He is scheduled to take the exam for the fourth time in a week. I n his coach ing session, he described how thoroughly he had studied and how wel l he had performed on the practice exams; he a l ways scored wel l above passing level. But at test 02008 GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 55
ti me, he would "l ose it." become confused by the questions, and fa i l to fi n ish i n the a l lotted time. Applying Bateson's Problem-Solving Strategy, Larry used his practice as a martial artist for a resou rce context. Considering the problem from t h i s perspec tive, he rea lized that poor functio n i ng in the test was l i ke being too focused on yourself in sparring and not noticing your opponent. The sol u tion i n spar ring was to focus on the opponent, trust your tra i n ing, and l e t y o u r responses come automatically. He understood that the key was havi ng a ki n d of pan oramic view of the situation. When he took this idea into the Problem State, he imagined letting hi mself have h is attention di rected outward i n a more pan oramic view, and he instantly felt the feelings that he had when he was sparring. He im mediately felt more relaxed a n d more capable of responding to test questions. Larry passed h i s exam.
New Behavior Generator Why use JJl New Behavior Generator was developed from mod eling the mental processes that q u ick learners use to put new behaviors into their lives. It can also be used to create a new habit and i m m ediately adopt it. Therefore, t h i s is a great tool for coach i n g employ ees to create and implement new ski lis or behav iors on the job. When done properly, the client w i l l
1 56
Cwchillg ill the Workplace I ©2008 GOAUQPC
Step 1 : Identil'y a new habit
01008 GOAUQPC
Section Five
1 57
automatically remember to use the new behavior; he or she should not have to consciously try to re member it.
VVhaL dQe��)L
__ __ __ __ __ __
Th is process uses mental i m agery and rehearsal to q u ickly learn a new behavior. It a l lows one to "pro gram one's self now" to automatically remember to do the new behavior later. Here is an example: A client found herself getting involved i n her e-ma i l when she first arrived at her office. She realized that when she d i d t h i s, she tended to respond to her messages i mmediately, which took a lot of t i me and wasn't in a l ignment with her real pri orities. I nstead, she wanted to develop a new habit of taking the time to plan her day in the morning before she did anyt h i ng else. The n e w behavior generator helped her to "insta l l " the new behavior in such a way that she remembered to do her plann i ng first a n d felt motivated to continue to do so. 1 58
Coaching i n the Workplace I 02008 GOAUQPC
How do I do it? I . Find a "stuck" situation wh ere you are not as re sourceful as you would l i ke to be. Review it as i f it were a movie that y o u were watching and you were the star of the show . Notice how you typi cal l y behave in that situation. 2 . Fi nd a resou rce state that might help you negoti ate the stuck situation. If you can't find a resource ful behavior that you have used in the past, either pretend that you can (As If) or think of someone else who is resourceful and model them. 3. Review the stuck situation using the new behav ior-and watch yourse lf in the new movie. If you l i ke the way that it looks, go on to Step 4. If you don't l i ke the way it looks, go back to Step 2 and find another resou rce that might work; then go on to Step 3 again.
4. Review the stuck situation using the new behavior as if you are actually experiencing it now. Jump i nto you r body, into the movie, and experience it. If you l i ke the way it feels, go on to Step 5 . If you don't l i ke the way it feels, go back to Step 2 and find another resource. 5 . Rehearse the new behavior so that it w i l l be auto matic in the future: Th i n k of an external cue that wil l remind you to use t h e new behavior in the ki n d of context where you would have been stuck in the past. Imagine that external cue ( hearing something or seeing something in your environ ment) and feel yoursel f usi ng t he new behavior in
C'nOOS GOAUQPC
Section Five
t 59
that situation. Practice it several ti mes in several d i fferent contexts for the best resu l ts.
Case Study Fred had a hard t i me getting up in the morning. He wou l d hear the alarm go off. b u t then he'd push the snooze button, rol l over, and go back to sleep. He did this repeatedly u n t i l the last m i n ute. Then he'd get up and rush; he'd often arrive at work fee l i ng frazzled and sometimes was late for meetings. H e wanted to get up earlier and feel good about it, though he could not t h i n k of a t i m e that h e had ever done so as an adult. Since he did not have a past behavior to refer to, he thought of a friend who was a real morning person and who always arose easily. He asked her how she did it. In t h i n king it through , his friend realized that when she heard her alarm clock sound, she would say to herself, "It's time to get u p . " Then she would leap out of bed and stretch her arms. Fred thought this sounded like a good idea. Using the New Behavior Generator process, h e ran a mental movie of sleep ing in and pushing the snooze button repeatedly. Then he ran a movie of what he wanted to do in stead. He saw h i mself lying in bed, hearing his alarm clock ring, and saying to h i mself, "It's time to get up." He then saw h i mself j u mp out of bed and stretch his arms. He l i ked the way that looked, so he tried it out as a rehearsal . He i magined being i n that situat i o n , hearing the alarm, and j umping up and
1 60
Coaching in theWorkplace I @2008 GOAUQPC
stretching But his body said. " N o way am I going to j u m p out of bed first thing in the morni n g ! " So Fred found a way to modify the process for himself. When he heard the alarm. he would t u rn it off and sim ply say to hi mself. "Time to get u p . " He rehearsed slowly sitti n g uP. then standing up and stretch ing He felt that t h i s would work m uch better for h i m . He rehearsed this process several ti mes. He reported that the very next morn ing he had gotten up and stretched the first time that the a l arm went off.
Resource States What is it? We a l l experience times when we get "stuck" or re spond poorly to life situations. This process a l l ows you to ga in a new perspective on situations that trigger i neffective reactions and provides you or your client with new choices and responses.
Wby use it? These resource strategies are widely applicable in lots of coaching situations and are especially use ful for times when your client gets stuck (anxiety. anger. embarrassment. and so o n ) and is unable to respond appropriately and resourcefully.
C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 6 1
What does it do? The idea is to help the client to detach from the situ ation, gather his resources, and then step back into the situation with more resources. If done properly, the situation w i l l change dramatically for the cl ient. These ideas are useful when the client identifies a situation in wh ich being in a non resourceful state prevents h i m from responding in the way that would be best for h i m . Isolate t he situational trigger that i n i tiates the nonresourceful state (words, tone, nonverbals, place). Have the client identify a spe cific exa mple.
How do I do it? I . Have the cli ent menta l l y step into the situation at the point when he first rea lizes that he is getting the undesired response. 2. Have the cl ient dissociate from the situation by having him take a deep breath and step back to watch himself in that situation. To create a great er sense of detach ment, have the cl ient imagine that he is watching hi mself through a thick Plexi glas· window. 3. Have h i m identify the most appropriate respons es for the "you over there." Assist the cI ient to b u i l d up a complete representation of this new response.
1 62
Coachinl in theWorXpIace
I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Step 2: Have the client dissociate from the situation by having him take a deep breath and step back to watch himself in
Have him identify the most appropriate responses for the "you over there."
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 63
Ideas for building more resourcefu l states: See the big picture
�
I
from a distance. If it is a still picture, make a movie out of it.
Have the person freeze frame the mental movie. Consider the situation in ten years from now. If appropriate, make some element of the situation incongruous. Step into the situation.
1 64
Coaching in me Workplace 1 ©2008 GOAUQPC
Here are some steps for build i ng the resource state: I . See the big picture from a distance ( "the lolly Green Giant" perspect ive). 2. I f it i s a sti l l picture, make a movie out of it. 3. Have the person freeze frame the mental movie of the situation and then step out of it. Feel the resou rces and then step back I nto the scene.
4. Consider the situation from the perspective of ten years from now.
5. If appropriate, make some element of the situa tion incongruous-for example, have the person watch the situation from a distance and change the sound to puppies barking; put music behind the scene; run the situation at hal f-speed and the client at double-speed, and then stepping out of the scene at the end j ust before the situation is over. 6. Anchor a state of i n n er peace and witness the
situation, then step i nto it. 7. Now have the client associate by stepping back
into the situation with her new response. If a new response is needed or if adj ustments need to be made in the selected response, repeat Steps 3, 4 , and 5. Repeat Steps I t h rough 5 as many t i m e s a s is necessary to learn t he strat egy. 8. Bridge the new behavior into the real world by re hearsing steps I t h rough 5 with a future example.
C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Five
1 65
9. Test by directing the client to t h i n k of a future or
past example of that context and ca l i brate for re sponse.
Case Study I ris was dea l ing with a j udgmental coworker and found herself avoidin g this person, even though i n terfacing w i t h h i m was a necessary part of h e r job. She thought about being with the d i fficult coworker earlier in the day, when she felt that he repeated ly criticized her report at a staff meeting. She then menta l l y stepped back from the scene and went to a n Observer position, and watched herself at the meeting. Th is gave her the dista nce to add in new resources, which she did as described in the previ ous list. She tried a l l of these new perspectives and reframes. ( Note that a c l i ent doesn't typica l l y need to do a l l of the steps; you might j ust select the one or ones that intuitively seem most l i kely to make the greatest change.) Iris l iteral l y couldn't get her angry feelings back after adding these new resource ful ways of t h i n king. She later reported that her co worker had stopped criticizing her. She clearly was giving h i m something di fferent to respond to w h i l e she w a s t a k i n g a n e w perspective on the situation. Note that the goal here is to e mpower the client, not to try to change the other person .
1 66
� in IheWorkpbce I ClOO8 �
Creative Solution-Finding Process Reframing as a Conscious Coach Process What is it? This process is designed to engage creative prob lem solving while respecting the ecology of the sys tem. At some point. everyone faces the chal lenge of changing a l i m i t i ng behavior: those things that we do but wished we didn't do. The coach can use this process to help employees address problem behav iors and create new, empowering choices that truly fit for them, for the company, and for others that may be affected.
Wb:t-do jt)��_ The process helps the client to find creative solu tions to problem behaviors and that can be imple mented with m i n i ma l i n ner or systemic resistance. This process respects the fact that j ust about every problem behavior has a positive function support i n g it, and it u t i l izes this idea to change the behavior while preserving the positive fu nction. For example, smoking cigarettes might help a person to relax. Quitting smoking i s difficult because the person w i l l lose a habitual way o f relaxing. T effect the change, the person needs to find another way to relax that is j u st as i m mediate and as effective.
C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Five
1 67
l::Iow JQ do it? I . Identify the behavior that needs to be changed Reframing works best on a behavior that you do, but don't want to do (be i n g late, procrastinating, not completing projects or acti vities). Name the behavior.
t Explore the behavior to change when a nd where it occurs. Get a clear sense of the "present state." 2 . Separate the behavior from t he positive inten t i o n . F i n d the meta-ou tcome o f the problem behavior by asking, "What does doing that behavior or avoiding that activity get for you?" Ask this q ues tion severa l t i mes u n t i l the benefit-the positive intention of the behavior-is identified. 3 . Get agreement to try new choices. Ask, "If there were other actions that you could take, or other behaviors that you could do, that wou l d work as well or better than what you are currently doing (to achi eve the positive intenti o n ) , wou l d you be interested in discovering them?" (A "no" response ind icates a misu ndersta ndin g, so restate the question . )
4. Create a l ternate behaviors t o satisfy the intention. t Help the client to access a creative state and bra i n storm at least t h ree new ways to sati sfy the positive intention. Check to make cer tain that the new choices are as im mediate, powerful , and effective as the prior choice in achieving the goal. 1 68
Coaching in the Workplace I @2008 GOAUQPC
Step
1:
Step 2 :
Try out the new behaviors in your imagination in the appropriate future contexts to find out
C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 69
5. Bridging the change into action. • Try out the new behaviors (i n the i magi na t i o n ) i n the appropriate future contexts to see how they m ight act u a l l y work.
• Ask the cl ient or team if they are w i l l i ng to take responsi b i l ity to actually adopt the new behaviors. Check to see if the client wants to be accountable a n d , i f so, set up appropriate accountabilities. 6. Ask, "Are there any possible downsides, concerns,
or problems that m ig h t occur as a result of mak i ng these changes?"
• I f "yes," modify the new behavior u n t i l the concern is f u l l y satisfied.
Case Study George's work unit was experiencing a common probl e m : most of the staff arrived late to the weekly staff meeting. After repeated and fruitless requests for everyone to be on time, George followed the steps above for a resolution. Most of the staff arrived late out of the positive intention of not wasting time. By arriving at the meeting at the last m i nute, they felt they wou ld not waste thei r time sitting around wait ing for others to show up! O f course, t h i s strategy lead to longer and longer delays, thus the "sol ution" to the problem actua l l y i ncreased and perpetuated it. The group brainstormed and qu ickly arrived at a sol ution that was not only simple but actual l y worked for them. The meeting time was changed to 1 70
eo",ching in the Workplace I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
the first moments of the day each Tuesday. By mak i ng it the first activity of the day, the staff. for the most part, weren't involved i n other work that they were rei uctant to leave.
Getting Clear About C riteria Th is exercise process was adapted from Dan Thom as, Pres ident, Focus Inc. Work is largely a process of making decisions and keeping commitments. Many emp loyees feel conflicted or make poor decisions about work situations because they haven't clarified their own criteria. The coach can help the employee to determ ine what is truly important in a particu lar context, such as j uggl i n g projects or creating collab orative relationships with other employees
Why use it?
• To make better choices and decisions within an a rea of l i fe
• To increase the likel ihood of finding fulfillment in life • To i mprove q u a l ity of life
Wha� dQes iL do?
• Cla rifies what is important in
a
l i fe context
• Identifies specific criteria that may be used for decisions
• E n s u res criteria are properly sorted and ranked C2OO8 GOMlQI'C
Section Five 1 7 1
How do I do rt:? We evaluate the world and make choices based on what is i m portant to us. Values and criteria are words used to express what is important The mean ings of these terms sometimes overlap. Va l ue words/ ph rases are more general and do not specify a be havior or condition. Va l ues often go across contexts in l i fe and can be applied in many situations. Values give d i rection and determ ine l i fe satisfaction. For instance. you might va l ue "freedom . " But the mean ing of freedom and how you determ ine if this value is being met will l i kely d i ffer in different contexts. Freedom in relationship to your spouse may be very d ifferent than freedom on a job. Criteria words/phrases are usua l l y more specific and are attached to a specific context Criteria w i l l provide a behavior or condition t h a t you seek in a specific context For instance. "flexible hours" may be a criterion for a job. Criteria provide a measure to determ ine whether a va lue is being met. "Flexible hours" may fulfi l l a va l ue for "freedo m " on the job. Criteria are used to help make decisions and to de termine what is acceptable or unacceptable. We title this exercise "getting clear about criteria" because we are aski ng the cl ient to consider a spe cific context or a role. Then we ask the person to identify what is i m portant within that context or role. Accord ing to the a bove defi nitions. we are ask ing for criteria. See p. 38 for how criteria relate to meta-programs.
1 72
Coaching in the Workp!i1ce I 02008 GOALJQPC
Step
'
1:
by Forced choice method: if you
could have criteria
Step 4: Check For missing criteria by asking
J
1
wilhoul l2. would
�l
be OK.
the clienl if anything is missing or by pointing out what might
C2008 GOAUQPC
be missing.
Section Five 1 73
Step I : Identify the Context The context can be any part of one's l i fe that needs clarification or i m provement. This might be career, relationsh ip, l i festyle, or hea l t h .
Step 2: Elicit the Criteria Ask, "What's most important to you about Icriteria l?" (This cou ld be your career, your relationship, or your role as manager) Write the person's answer in big letters on an 85' x I I " sheet of paper ( It i s important to use t h e per son's exact words.) Once you get the first answer, keep asking, "What else
is important to you about Icriteria l?" Keep asking until they run out of answers. A typical range i s six to twelve questions. Most people run o u t of criteria at a dozen.
Step 3� J�,ank tb.e Lriteria._
_ _ _ _ _ _
Put the pieces of paper on the floor in the exact or der in which the person supplied the answers. Then ask them to arrange the pieces of paper from most i m portant to least i mportant. It is very i mportant to check the order Starti ng at the top of the l ist, have them stand be side the piece of paper and ask, "Is the most importan t thing about l contextl criteria # ?" (Actually name t h e cri terion they have stated . ) 1 74
Coaching in theWoricpb.ce I @2008 GOAUQPC
If you get a "no," then ask what is most important and rearrange the pieces of paper. If you get a "yes," then move them to stand beside paper #2. Once they are beside this paper, language becomes very important. Preface this checking process by say ing something l i ke, "I know that whal I am going to ask
you next may sound unrealistic, but do your best to answer it and it will help you ta rank yaur criteria. If yau couldn't have #2, but could have # 1 , wauld that be akay with yau?" Force it as an absol ute-they have to choose one or the other. Th is forcing process will in dicate which is really more important. Your sensory acuity will tell you the answer long before the client verbalizes it. If the answer is "yes , " move o n down t h e list. I f the answer is "na," switch the pieces of paper and ask the question again. ( Note: If they can't clearly answer the question, then there is some additional value. ( It may be #1 on the l i st, but often is something that they didn't con sciously articulate yet . ) Once the ranking i s clarified, move o n t o the other criteria. "Assuming yau have the criteria already chasen (say, # 1 ) . if yau couldn't have # 3 , but could have #2, wauld
that be akay?" Repeat this process u n t i l the l ist is rank ordered.
C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 75
Step 4: Check for M issing Criteria Once you have gotten the person's list in rank order, do a check for logic. You may find criteria missing. For example, if you are aski ng, "What is important to you about your busi ness?" And the answers are "making money"or "getting wealthlJ," there is l i kely a cri teria misSing. Say somet h i ng l i ke, "This is a terrific list
of criteria. However, I'm curious about something. This list is about your business, yet I don't see anything here about making money."
Step 5: Moving Criteria Up and/or Installing New Criteria Once the Present State has been el icited, we know "what is." It wi I! often be the case that it's obvious to the client that the ranking i s not serving him weI! and is the sou rce of some difficulty. Ask, "Is there anything you would like to change about this
list of criteria?" The client may want to change the ranking, an d/or specify a new value if they have d iscovered one that is missing. Experience i n dicates that: I . Typically, only the top th ree or four criteria provide substantial motivation toward action. 2 . The client and the coach need to have a very good reason to change a person's #1 val ue.
1 76
�ching I n the Wor1cpIiIIU I 02008 GOAUQPC
Changing # 1 w i l l change a person's li fe. As always, be careful about the potential negative impacts of change.
Step 6: Cementing the New Hierarchy Once the new or reshuffled va lue is in the hierarchy, have the client associate into ( step i nto) h is or her highest va lue a n d anchor it there. Then have h i m or her step backward, u s i ng appropriate language, such as, "And your h ighest criterion of I valuel will be su pported by your criterion of I criteria I · " Have your client wa l k a l l t h e way t h rough t h e h i erarchy. Then have h e r step a l l t h e way o u t o f the h i erarchy and check for congruency, ecology, appro priateness, etc. Fi nal ly, start her at the l owest criterion and walk her up the hie rarchy, taking each lower criterion with her to support the next higher one. It is important to end with her fu l l y associated to her h i ghest criterion and a l l the support i ng criteria.
ClOOS GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 77
Case Study Marjorie described ongoing tension between her young adult son. Bria n . and her husband. Tom . w h i c h caused her and h e r daughter a great d e a l o f stra i n . S h e emphasized t h a t s h e rea l l y wanted them to resolve their differences. come together. and re store fa m i l y harmony. The holiday season was ap proachi ng. and she dreaded the thought of confl ict during t h i s t i m e of year. We used the criteria process to explore what is i m portant t o Marjorie when it comes t o her family. She l i sted a variety of criteria. including harmony. togetherness. sharing. and supporting each other. She completed her list. writing each one on a card and laying them out in an initial order on the floor. The va l ue of harmony was her # 1 val ue when she went t h rough the process of ranking them. Marjorie rea l i zed that this va lue was so i m portant to her that she had d i fficulty seeing beyond it. She felt excessive strain because she was "overempha sizing" this one criterion and neglecting the others. This insight alone began to put thi ngs in perspec tive for her.
1 asked her to step back to consider if any i m portant criterion was missing. 1 knew Marjorie to be a gentle person who valued love. but she did not include love on her l ist and 1 poi nted th is out to her. She was i m mediately clear that it not o n l y had a place. but real l y was her #1 val u e . After adding this to the set and resorting them. she felt a tremendous fee l i ng of relief about her fam i l y members. She real i zed that 1 78
Coaching In the�ce I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
she had been so focused on family harmony that she had neglected the overa rching criteria of love. With this insight. she was able to let go of some of her anxiety about disharmony in the fam i ly and rec ognize the love that existed despite the d ifferences. She realized that she had been "nagging" both her husband and Brian to resolve the problem between them. Marjorie later reported that she spoke with both of them and told them that she would love them both n o matter what their differences. Within a few weeks. the atmosphere in the family l ightened up q u ite a bit. Brian noticed the change and told h i s mother that h e h a d actual ly been avoiding t h e fam i l y j ust as much because he felt pressure from her because of the d i fficulty with his father.
Section Five 1 79
Step 1 : Identify the goal or desired state The Disney strategy helps create a more robust and complete outcome. 1t can be used during or after the process of creating a well-fanned
Step 5: If necessary. recycle back to step 2
Step into the Dreamer role and vividly imagine the goal with all its benefits and possibilities.
Step J : The Realist role Step into the Realist role and create plans and strategies to make the dream a realily.
1 80
Co�ching in the Workpbce I C2008 GOAUQPC
Disney Strategy The Disney Strategy is a pattern for generati ng cre ativity modeled from the works of Wa lt Disney by Robert Di lts, one of the co-founders of N LP. This strategy is based on the abil ity to enter three sepa rate states: the Dreamer, the Realist. and the Critic. Each state will have a dist i nct physiology or posture, patterns of thoug h t . and feelings
Why use it? • To learn and use a very creative strategy for success • To create clear goals or to turn dreams into rea lity • To plan clear steps to achieve goals • To ensure that goals meet specified criteria • To eva luate your plan, to make certain it is what you want and that the downsides have been considered
What does it dQ? • Provides a clear strategy for goal setting and planning • Clearly distinguishes the functions for effective creativity
• Provides a method for evaluati ng and refi n i ng goals
C200s GOAllQPC
Section Five
181
or e¥m do.'" For most
pmpIe.
� DmnMr InwIws crrating Wual lmage, and it oftm inc:Iucks a fmIng of excitrment about new possibilities. R�list
This is t� stat. for crrating plans
The Realist is concerned with how to make something work
and identifYing
and not whether it will work
steps to accom
or whether it is worth doing.
plish a goal.
The Realist identifies steps to accomplish the dream.
Critic
This is the
The goal of the critic is to find
for evaluating
flaws or missing pieces in the
plan in relation
plan and to determine if the
to the outcome.
plan really gets to the goal or meets the goal criteria. The Critic does not identiry remedies. Walt Disney stated that it was important to "get enough distance" from the plan to really think critically about it. This also helps to avoid criticizing yourself or other people.
1 82
I . Ide ntify a goal or desired outcome. 2. Become the Dreamer-yo u r goal is only to gener ate possibil ities in relation to the goa l . 3. Take o n e o f the possibilit ies and adopt a Realist menta lity. ( Li ke a time when you plan ned some t h i ng. ) Your goal here is to identify the steps to rea l ize the dream. 4. Step back from the plan. Get enough distance to
exa m i ne it critically. Be l i ke a movie critic-parts of the movie are great a n d some don't work so wel l. Identify potential naws or missing pi eces in the p l a n , determine whether the plan really gets to the goal and is in l i n e with your criteria, per sonal values, etc
5. Take the i n formation generated by the Critic and recycle t h rough steps 2 through 4 until you are comfortable that you have enough of a plan to take action.
Case Study Denise was charged with producing the a n n ual com pany party, a special occasion d u ring this particular year because the company founder was also retir ing. The management team wanted the retirement celebration to be a surprise. They gave her a bud get amount and some general guidel ines, and they asked her to come up with a basic plan for consider ation by the team. Denise brought this matter to the coach i n g session, and we used the Disney Strategy to help her develop a response.
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 83
With the pa rty goal in m i n d , Denise stepped into the Dreamer pos ition. She generated severa l options for location and party themes. The idea that appealed to her most was a Hawa i i a n/gol f theme because the founder loved to golf and en joyed Hawa i i . She dreamed that the party could act u a l l y be in Hawa i i , b u t knew t h i s was n o t within t h e budget. However, what she did imagine was a l i vely event filled with fu n activities. She saw a "sand beach" with lawn chairs as the platform/stage where the founder wou l d be toasted and his work celebrated. She saw a room decorated with Hawaiian i mages and a luau style party with Hawa i i a n delicacies. She took this option to the Realist position. Here she began to consider what was req u i red to make such a party happen. She listed several specific steps:
t Researching hotel sites or conference locations that could accom modate 300 staff and other "re
tirement s u rprise" vis itors and be within budget. t Research ing catering of a l u au-style pa rty. t Recru iting help in decorating the site for the Hawa i i theme.
t Finding the decorations and staying with in budget. t Deciding on and coordinating party activities. t Figuring out a way to i n form everyone about the "retirement s u rprise" while keeping it a secret from the boss.
1 84
Coaching in the Workplac.e I �2008 GOAUQPC
She took this plan to the Critic. She stepped back from the idea to evaluate it, to determine if the plan was complete enough to proceed, and whether it really met the criteria for the dream. From this position, she im mediately realized the plan over emphasized t he retirement and did not take into account the a n n ual party req u i rement. Plus, in this plan, there was no golfing. She took this concern back to the Dreamer to gener ate options to combine the two needs. She revisited her origi nal vision and considered several options: One was to start the party with the a n n ual events and then bring in the surprise later in the party. She imagined a screen or curta i n , wh ich would open to revea l the gol f/Hawaii platform. The platform would incl ude a sand beach with a golf hole/nag, golf bags, and lawn cha i rs. Cycling this back through the Realist. she identified the steps necessary to make t h i s modification hap pen , i ncluding getting the sand, chairs, golf acces sories, etc., wh ich she knew could be gathered from friends and fami ly. The Critic wanted to fi l l in addi tional information about the actual activities, especially related to the retirement portion. She took th i S to the Dreamer and i magined a "This is Your Life" type game, where people from his past would ta l k about his l i fe. He would have to guess who they were based on a few clues before they came out. The Realist identified specific people from his past and present who might partici pate and how they could set it up.
ClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Five
1 85
The fi nal adj ustment offered by the Critic was how to present this to the management team. By reviewing this from a l l th ree positions. she decided to create a "storyboard" of the party in honor of Walt Disney. The idea and plan was a h it with the management team. who offered full support and even extended the budget slightly based on her additional research regarding costs.
Beliefs (This section is influenced by t h e work of N L P Devel oper Robert Di lts.)
What is a belief? A belief is the acceptance of something as true. or th i n ki n g that something could be true. Be l iefs are essent ially j udgments and eva l uations about our selves. about others. and about the world around us. All of us have empowering bel iefs as we l l as l i m iting bel i efs. Most of o u r influential beliefs are out side of conscious awareness. and they have a huge i mpact on our daily thoughts. actions. and general l i fe experience
Be�eL NOUN: I . T h e mental act. condition. or h a b i t of placing trust or confidence i n another: M y belief in you is as
s trong as it ever was. 1 86
�c:hin, in the Wortcpbcll I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
2. Mental acceptance of and conviction in the truth, actuality, or validity of something: His explana tion of
what happened defies belief. 3. Someth ing believed or accepted as true, especial Iy a particular tenet or a body of tenets accepted by a group of persons. ETYMOLOGY: Middle English bileve, alteration ( i n fl u enced by bileven, to believe ) . of Old English gelafa. SYNONYMS: belief, credence, credit. faith These nouns denote mental acceptance of the truth, actuality, or validity of something: a statement un worthy of belief; an idea steadily ga ining credence; testimony meriting cred it; has no faith in a liar's assertions ' . We create o u r experience o f l i fe through o u r beliefs. The be li efs that we hold can shift as we learn new t h i ngs and encounter new experiences, but often we hold them in a steady way and don't change them. Bel iefs give us permission about what we can do. Ian E l fl i ne, Master Certified Coach, stated in a n
Academy for Coaching a n d N L P Training Manual: As you work with clients. the first step is to make them aware that they have bel i efs. This may sound absurd. but our beliefs are I
Definition from the American Heritage Dictionary® on line at Yahoo.com reference page
Section Five
1 87
often i nvisible to us. We don't recognize our assumptions as beliefs. Instead, we t h i n k and feel they a re simply descriptions of the way the world works. They go unquestioned and unexam ined. In fact , we easily confuse our beliefs with "rea l i ty." Beliefs may be based o n some evidence a nd may reflect some aspect of "reality," but they are sti l l j u st a map or a model of reality. We tend to follow only the path our beliefs a l low a n d neglect the fact that the world is often richer and more varied than our be lie fs permit us to see. As your clients beg i n to be sensitive to how much of their th inking is driven by the bel i e fs they hold, they wi ll choose to shape be l iefs that w i l l serve them. This may lead to a discussion about how beliefs are changed.
I n Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well-Being, we tell the story of a man who be lieves he i s a corpse. On sev eral visits, his psychiatrist attempts to convince h i m that he is in fact a l ive, but t o no ava i l . F i n a l l y the psych iatrist asks, " Do corpses bleed?" The man re plies that of course corpses do not bleed, all of the systems in the body have stopped. The psychiatrist 1 88
Coaching in the Workplillce I 02008 GOAUQPC
proposes an experiment. He wil prick the man's finger with a needle, When he does and the patient starts to bleed, the patient looks astounded and says, '' I ' l l be damned, corpses do bleed l " This story ill ustrates a poi nt about beli efs and evi dence. Beliefs are rarely cha nged by our experience of contradictory evidence. People generally choose to consider only the evidence that su pports beliefs or, as the story i l l u strates, actively distort evidence to support be l iefs. If someone has low self-esteem, no external acknowledgment w i l l make him or her feel worthy. If someone t h i nks of h i mself as incom petent, no n u mber of degrees and credentials will convince h i m that he is capable. As a coach, you can work at the levels of behavior and capab i l ity, and there can be great va l u e for the cl ient in making changes at those levels. But at t i mes, even after desired behavioral changes have sta bil ized, a client does not experience the benefits she expected as a result of those changed behaviors. The behavior has change d , but old beliefs are sti l l ru nning t h e show. In contrast, when beliefs begin to transform, desired and lasting behavioral changes come about with less effort. As an old belief sh i fts changing what we do seems natural and even inevitable. The old be havi ors produce a feeling of i ncongruence. The new actions reflect cu rrent b e l i efs and "feel right." In coach ing you will have opport u n i ties to address both beliefs about capa b i lities and beliefs about identity. From about the age of five onward, we conClOO8 GOAUQPC
Section Five
1 89
sciously develop ski lls and capabilities by choosing what we learn. As we con t i n u e to grow, our beliefs about o u r capabilities expan d . Chi ldren rarely ques tion whether or not they are capable of doing some th ing. They j ust try it. If they fa i l . they try again or i n a d i fferent way. But as we grow ol der, we may try somet h i ng several ti mes; then frustration sets in and we often assume that we are not capable a n d so we never try aga i n . As a coach, y o u m a y w a n t t o question the o l d evidence the c l i e n t is referencing; how did t hey come to this belief about their capa b i l ity? As adults, we have l i ttle tolerance for moving through learning curves. We get easily frustrated and j u m p to conclusions about our capab i l i t ies. Albert Ban d u ra at Stanford U n iversity studied how learning takes place and created the now famous Ba n d u ra Curve. He found that learning is a pro cess of moving through cri s i s points. To progress, we m ust bel ieve we can change or i m prove. As we believe in our capab i l ities, our performance rises to meet the belief. As we q uestion our ability, our per formance falters. In working with clients, it is useful to ass u m e that learn i ng and change are processes that are i nflu enced b y o u r underlying bel iefs. As coaches, we often speak about the processes of learning and change. We identify a d i p as what it is-a stumble not evidence that the cl ient should q u i t striving for what they want. Beliefs about identity often show up i n t h e coach ing relationship as "I am" statements. The client j ust 1 90
assumes that "this is the way I a m . " Here aga in. the coach can challenge the client by suggesting that their statement is a belief. The coach could suggest that the client "try on" a d i fferent belief about who they are and notice what behaviors would fol low from the new bel ief. People often have a sense that change at the iden tity level is difficult or even i m possible. I n reality. we are constantly in the process of inventing ou rselves. By deci d i n g to work with a coach. the client has chosen to be conscious about the process of defin ing what his or her l i fe w i l l be l i ke. I n essence. he is inventing a new identity for h i m self. Your coaching q uestions can help him shape t e new identity he wants to live into. Beliefs are central to an effective coaching relation ship. You wi l l achieve li mited success with private individuals or in busi nesses if you do not invite your cl ients to look at their beliefs.
Limiting Beliefs Beli efs can empower you or l i m it you. They can give you the courage to tackle what others say is impos sible or make you feel someth i n g is impossible no matter what others say. Helping clients to identify l i miting beliefs is one of the most valuable ski lls in coach i ng. Fortunately. l i m iting bel iefs tend to fa l l i n to four categories:
01008 GOA.LJQf'C
Section Five 1 9 1
l . Bellef£,. abouU:ause These are beli efs about causal sources of events and experiences. Often, these beliefs have the word "be cause" in them. Some examples of l i m i ting bel i efs about cause are:
� I can't be successful because my parents weren't successfu l .
� I don't deserve t o have what I want because I am a woman.
� Life is a struggle because I never get what I want.
� We're not suppose to have money because we grew up poor.
� Money causes pa i n . � Being successful will cause the family to split up. 2, Beliefs about_Meaning Beliefs can also be about meaning. As human be ings we are always trying to find the meanings in thi ngs. For example, what does it mean that we are poor, or that we are rich-what exact l y is the deeper mean ing behind these thi ngs? The meanings that we put on these beliefs w i l l g u ide our behavior, be cause they operate as filters for our belief systems. Some examples of l i m i t i n g beliefs about m ea n i n g are:
1 92
C�dllng in theWorkpt;lce I @2008 GOAUQPC
• You did not respond to my hello and that means you don't l i ke me
• Money is the root of all evi l . t Ta king t i m e off means you're a slacker. t Feel ings are u n i m portant at work. t Being late means you don't care about your job
3, Beliefs about Possibility Beli efs can also be about possibil ity and what is possible, or not possi ble, for us There are two kinds of beliefs about possibil ities:
• The outcome is perceived as possible: If it is possi ble, then the person has permission from her unconscious m i nd to go for it.
• The outcome is perceived as i m possible: I f it is impossible, then the person w i l l not even both er trying to get what she wants. For exa mple, if you bel ieve that you can't gel ahead because the economy is bad and you hold that belief firm i n your mind, then you won't do what it takes to be successf u l . You w i l l give up ahead of time and not do anything to create what you want. Some exam ples of l i m iting beliefs about possibility include:
• I don't have the magic ingredier:t that is necessary to be successfu l .
ClOO8 GOAUQf>C
Section Five 1 93
� Money is hard to manage. (I can't manage money.)
� I don't k n ow how to make m oney. � Large s u m s of money are for other people. ( I t i s n ' t possible for me to have money.)
� How to m a ke money is a giant mystery. � If I make money, I w i l l mess it up and lose it a l l .
� I w i l l never b e rich. The Power of Beliefs : Until May 6, 1 954, it was assumed that to run a m i le in less than four m i n utes was i mpossi ble. I n the n i n e years prior to the day that Roger Ba n n i ster broke the four-m i n ute barrier, no one else had even approached the time. Bannister s u rpassed the four- m i nute m i l e barrier because he knew it was possible and that he could do it. Within a few weeks after Ban nister's acco m p lishment, lohn Lundy from Australia lowered the record by another second. In the n ext n i n e years, nearly two h u n dred people ran a m i l e in less than four m i n utes' The world no longer believed it to be i m possible.
���-��--Beliefs that involve identity are about our worth i ness a n d deservedness to attain wealth a n d suc cess. Some examples of these k i n d s of l i m iting beliefs are:
1 94
Coaching in theWorkplilce I ClOO8 GOAUQPC
t
1 am not good enough to be successfu l .
t
1 don't deserve t o have what 1 want.
t
1 am not smart enough to make money.
t 1 don't have the right to l i ve. t 1 am not worthy of success. t Nobody l i kes me; 1 am a loser. L i m it i n g beliefs tend to generate specific kinds of fee l i n g states. When you encounter one of the fol lowing three fee l i ngs, you can be sure you're on the tra i l of a l i miting belief I , Hopelessness
Belief that the desired goal is not achievable, re gardless of your capab il ities. There is no hope that you w i l l get what you wa nt, because it is not real ly possi ble. 2 . H e l plessness Belief that the desi red goal is possible, but you are not capable of achieving i t . You are helpless and in capable of getting what you wan t . 3 , Worthlessness Belief that you do not deserve the desired goal be cause of somet h i n g about you or because you are a "bad" person. Worth lessness may also arise because
C200B GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 95
of a be lief that you did or d i d n't do somet h i ng t h at makes you worthless or u n d eserving.
What Is a Stem Belief? A stem belief is a powe rfu l u nderlying belief that holds together a cluster of s u pporting beliefs. Meta phorica l l y, changing a stem belief is i ncred ibly pow erful because when you do so, a l l of the supporting beliefs fa l l off "the grapevine" of li m i t i n g beliefs. The reason why it can be cha l l e nging to change a belief is because most people only work with the individ ual " s upport i ng belief" instead of t he entire bel ief vine, or cluster of beliefs. It can be d i fficult to permanently change a belief without getting to the core of the belief. This is why affirmations don't always work. They typica l l y don't address the stem belief. t hey only address one of the s m a l ler, less charged bel iefs. Most stem beliefs are formed when we are small children. They often sound childl ike in nature and can be si mply stated. They can be d i fficult to fi nd. However, with the right q u estioni ng, they can a lso be eas i l y identified. U s u a l l y people get emotiona l , they may even cry when t h ey become conscious of their stem beliefs for the first time. Once t h ey acknowledge the stem belief and get past the emotion of recognizing it. they can begin the process of heal i ng and transform i ng it. The success rate for changing beliefs is incredibly h igh when you focus on identifying and changing the stem belief-
1 96
COlochio& in theWor'kpIOice I 02008 GOAUQPC
because the stem bel ief holds toget her the whole cluster of related beliefs. The most common stem be liefs that we have come across in our travels are:
• You have to work hard to make money. • 1 'm not good enough to have what 1 want. • I don 't deserve to have what I want. • Others come before me. •
1 don't exist; I don't have t he right to be here.
Ouestions and statements that can help the client to examine stem beliefs:
• What is true about this? • Is that a belief? • You cou Id choose to bel ieve that. • That i s one perspective. • Do you have a belief about what "should be" in this situation ?
• There's a belief. • And there's another belief. (Th i s could go on for an entire session ! )
102008 GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 97
Belief Change Process (This section is adapted from a technique devel oped by I a n Elfl i ne ) A simple belief-change exercise involves heighten ing the client's awareness of a belief and the clus ter of thoughts , feel i ngs, and actions that surround it. Completing the following belief examination chart can often clarify what i s at stake in holding a belief and st i m u lates desire to update and change beliefs.
Belief
If this is true, what else must
If all this is true, what actions I take or not take?
will
be true?
Case Study Angie had worked hard to attain a level of success in the high-tech indust ry. She managed a sm all group of engin eers and computer design special ists on a variety of projects. Yet she was unhappy with her career path. She had seen less-q u a l i fied and less-talented men receive promotions over her and felt she had been actively thwarted in her career advances. This topic came up on several occasions d u ring our coaching work, and she seemed ready to address the bel iefs and ideas that she held i n regard to these experiences.
1 98
�chln, In theWoritpb,ce
I 02008 GOAUQPC
I cha ll enged Angie to con sider that at least some of her experience resulted from her beliefs. At first. she t h ought t h i s idea was a bsurd because there was so m uch evidence t h at she had h i t a "glass cei l ing." I asked her to tell me what conclusion she derived from these experiences and she said. ''Women are second class." We used t h i s statement as a basis for completing the belief exami nation chart. Her as signment was to do her best to thoroughly complete t h e boxes on the chart. Here is the outcome: As Angie completed the chart. she became increas i ngly aware that her belief was itself causing her a lot of stress. We d iscussed the hopelessness she had developed because she believed that career ad vances were impossible for her as a woman. This re s u l t provided an opport u nity for coach ing. Our first step was to exa m i ne what this chart revealed that is i m portant to her. Angie said it was most important t hat she be recognized and appreciated for her work. We discussed how she first needed to learn to toot her own horn in an appropriate way and at appropri ate times.
I gave her the task of completing a l ist of her ac complishments on the job and how these had af fected the company. She started a runn ing l ist over a two-week period completing several pages of C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Five 1 99
If III this Is true. what actions will I taler or not take?
Women are second dass
Men aR fllst dass ;
they will get m�
Lots of �ntrnent and anger, especially toward my boss.
� and JftSlige for the same or
A �nse of resignation and a
eIIeI1 less work.
feeling of !!dng stuck-I have
Women wUl always be treated as less worthy.
ghien up on pursuing promotions. Occasional commiseration with a couple of women colleagues.
Woman have to
which usually just depresses me.
work harder to prove themse1ves.
Often driven to do my best to
I have to work harder because
or better than a man.
show that I can perform as well
I am a woman.
Occasionally complain to management about being held
No matter how much I do, I won't get what I want.
back; once formally complained but it lead nowhere. Feeling that I am
I have to be
underappreciated and
tougher than a
unrecognized.
man because any waffling on decisions is seen as my emotions getting in the way. Men will be given the credit for my accomplishments.
200
�ching in the Workp!OIIce 1 ClOO8 GOAUQPC
accomplish ments. In the process, she talked with some co l l eagues and coworkers who also gave her insight into her contributions a nd what impact they had on them and on the company. This exercise boosted her confidence considerably. Angie com mented, "I was so caught up in feel ing unappreci ated that I neglected to appreciate what I had done myself." Moreover, she felt less "edgy" when talking with her boss. Over the next few weeks, she began inserting references to her accomplish ments at appropriate t i mes in the conversation. She was shocked to hear her boss agree with her about one particular accom plishment. This made her realize t hat she had been s i lently waiting to be acknowledged rat her than ac tively promoting herself. Angie decided to take her whole l ist of accomplish ments i n to the boss. Her approach was to give the li st and say she felt like she could do so much IT,Ore for the company and to ask where she might ap ply her talents. Aga i n , she was surprised when he revea led a couple of upcoming opportunities that migh t be s u ited for her. Angie reported that. in the past, she would have only heard about these kinds of opport u n ities after someone else, a man of course, wou l d be given them. As we reviewed what had happened, Angie said she sti ll believed that there was definite discrimination against wome n . But she real ized that she had unwit tingly col l uded in the discri mi ndtion by operating on her belief about it in an unexami ned way. She
102008 GOAUQPC
Section Five 20 I
now felt much more comfortable with her own ac complishments regardless of how m uch the world noticed. She felt more confident promoting herself and she believed it was more l i ke l y that she would fi nd new opportun ities either w i t h i n her current company or by looking el sewhere.
Important Coach Reflect ions One of the seven habits of h ig h l y effective people, accord i ng to the classic work of Stephen Covey, is to "sharpen the saw." H e uses the old metaphor of loggers competing i n a log-cutting contest. One works without taki ng a break and j umps out to an early lead over the seco n d , who stops periodically to sharpen his saw. Over t i me, however, the one who works without stopping m ust work harder because the blade d u l l s and cuts i nefficiently. The second, who keeps the blade sharp, expends less energy a n d eventua l l y overtakes the first and wins t h e contest. Successful people take the time to step back, review their own ski l l s , and work to i m prove them. This process helps the coach to "sharpen the saw." This process is very important for the manager/coach , who can use such reflection to help keep roles clearly defined.
Wby use this process? t To sharpen your skills as a coach t To coach you rself
202
Coaching in the Workplace I C2008 GOAUQPC
What does it do? t Encourages taking time to periodica l ly reflect on your coach i ng process
t Provides questions for reflection about how you conduct your coaching
t Reminds you about specific pri nciples of excel lent coaching
How do I do .it? This reflection process guides you through a series of questions that you can ask yourself to continuously improve your coaching skills. Take some time every month or two to answer these questions. Be specific in your answers. Use your actual experience and an swer fresh each time. It is best to use this tool imme diately after a coaching session or set of sessions. I . How do you know when you are doing a good job as a coach? What is your evidence? 2. How do you know when your client feels really lis tened to?
3. What is your sensory-based evidence that you are lis tening to your client?
4. How do you know when you are making a positive difference with your client? What is your evidence for this?
5. How do you hold back from giving i nformation or of fering a solution that you think would be helpful to your client (because you know that the best solution
C2008 GOAUQPC
Section Five 203
wi II be the one that you draw out from your client)? 6. For manager/coaches. how do you distinguish your
roles as manager and coach? What has worked to help keep the roles clear? 7.
How do you manage and maintain your state as a coach?
8. How do you use powerful questions with your cl i ent? What coaching skills do you use? How do you use them?
9. What is your "growing edge" as a coach? After a few reflections. look over your a nswers and see if you notice patterns. Do you find it challenging to hold back on giving advi ce? Are you using only a se lect set of coaching crafts? What throws you off track in your coach ing and how to do you get back on track? Remem ber. coach ing is a way to help your clients live more consciously and deliberately We should expect no less of ourselves as coaches'
Putting It All Together Coaching has become one of the fastest growi ng professions a n d is helping i ndividuals achieve their goa l s . Work is largely a process of setting and ac com p l i s h i n g goals through in dividual and coopera tive e fforts. Coaching draws out the strengths within people and a l lows them to grow and develop. to tap in ner wisdom and motivation. and to keep on track to rea lize their dreams. Therefore. it is a perfect tool for the workplace and for encouraging emp loyees to be at thei r best. 204
Coaching in the WortcpIace I 02008 GOAUQPC
Th is book offers an overview of the coach ing pro cess and provides lots of tools to put coaching into practice. Although these too ls can be used in any coaching relationship, we've focused on coaching emp loyees in a n orga n ization. It is important to remember that coaching is primari ly a relationship with defined roles and a focus on helping the cli ent to achieve his or her goals. Clarity regarding the roles of the coach and client is especia l ly critical when the coach is also a manager with authority over a cl ient (and, to a lesser degree, when the coach is a l so an employee of the sa me organization ) . These dual roles present cha ll enges in creating a powerful coaching relationship, but it can b accomplished if the manager/coach is w i l l i n g and ilble to step into the role of a coach. Th is means t hat the manager must al low the employee to define the coach ing goals and take the lead i n the coaching process. Though this may be d i fficu lt at times, the rewards are we ll worth the effort . Coaching empowers em ployees, leads to i ncreased motivation , enhanced performance, and heightened job sati sfaction. Hap pier, more capable employees get more done and have better workplace relationships. U lti mately, this makes the job of managing easierl And you will be surprised how much you w i l l learn from your "client" when you coach them to fi nd their own solutions and create their own paths.
102008 GOAUQPC
Section Five 205
Suggested Reading:
A Brief H istory of Everything by Ken W i l ber. Shamb hala Publications. Boston. MA. 0 2 1 1 5 . 2000 Complexity by M . Mitch e l l Waldrop. Touchstone. New York. NY. 1 0020. 1 992 The Web of Life by Fritjof Capra. First Anchor Books. Random House. New York. NY. 1 00 1 7. 1 996
The Tree of Knowledge by H u m berto Maturana and Francisco Vare l a . Shambhala Publications. Boston. MA. 0 2 1 1 5 . 1 987 Chaos: Making A New Science by James Gleick. Twentieth-anniversary edition. Penguin Books. New York. NY. 1 00 1 4 . 2008 Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwel l Maltz. Pocket Books. a division of Si mon a n d Schuster. New York. NY. 1 0020. 1 960 N LP: The New Technology of Achievement by Tim Hal lbom . Ha rperCo l l i n s Publishers. New York. N Y 1 00 2 2 . 1 996 The Time Management Memory logger'" by Peggy Duncan. GOAUOPC. Sa l e m . N H . 03079. 2008 Facilitation a t a Glance! Second Edition by Ingrid Ben s . GOAUOPC. Salem. N H . 03079. 2008
206
�cnioC in the 'vVot'kpb.ce I
02008 GOAUQPC
lodex A
as rr eans of Intruding, 103 systemic communication and.
absolutes, as universal quanti fiers, 92
69-/1
backward planning
accountability, discussing in intake session. 2 3
achieving long-term goals,
acknowledging, In craft o f coach ing, 1 00- 1 0 1
achieving outcomes, I 26 Sailey, Rodge� 39
action levels, of meta-programs,
Sandle� Richard, S, 39, 84, I 1 3
5 1 -52
active listening, 69-7 1 activities, Disney strategy and, 1 82 actors, 74 adjectives, directionalizing com munication and, 1 20 adverbs. directionalizing com munication and, 1 20 advising. as communication blocke� 62 agenda. See client's agenda AI. See appreciative inquiry (AI) analyzing. as communication blocke� 63 appreciative inquiry (AI), 1 45-5 1 case study 1 48-50
1 3 1 -34
Sandura Albert. 1 90 Sandura Curve, 1 90 Sateson, Gregory, 1 52 behaVior alternative behaviors as creative solutions, 1 68, 1 70 identifying behaviors that need changing, I 68 New Behavior Generator.
1 56--6 1
role of beliefs in behavioral change, 1 89 beliefs, 1 86-202 case study. 1 98, 201-02 changing, 1 98, 200 evidence and, 1 88-89
how to do it 1 46-48
"I am" statements reflecting,
illustration of, 1 5 1
1 90-9 1
overview of, 1 45-46
learning curves and, 1 90
assumptions. silent or hidden,
limning belief� 1 9 1 -96
97-98
overview of, 1 86-87
attention directedness, intemal
power of, 1 94
versus extemal, 53-54
stem beliefs, 1 96-97
aud�ory predicates determining lead mode of a person, 1 1 5 nonverbal indicators of, I 1 7 awareness, directionalizing com munication and, 1 20-2 1 B backtracking 02008 GOAUQPC
transforming, 1 89-90 big picture, versus detail orienta tion, 52-53 blamIng. as communication blocke� 62 C Cameron-Sandle� Leslie, 39 capabil�ies, beliefs regarding,
Index 207
HR or EAP, 7-8
1 89-90
coaching services provided by managers. 7-8
career goals, identifying client goals. 23
coaching services provided by other employees. 7-8
cause and effect meta-model. 96
coaching services provided by outside coach. 9
semantic ill-fonmedness and.
88
switching hats. 24--25
cause-related beliefs. 1 92
tnust and. I 0-- 1 I
challenges
coaching
Bateson's strategy for prob lem solving. 1 52
reasons for. 1 -2 what it is. 3-5
of coaching. I I - I 2 challenging. in craft of coaching.
coaching cycles. 1 7- 1 8
change
coaching sessions. See sessions
1 0 1 --{)2
coaching opportunities. I 1 - 1 2
appreciative inquiry (AI) and.
coaching tools. I 3-1 4
1 45--46
coach relationship mind map. I 3
beliefs and. 1 89. 1 98. 200
coach session overview, I 3
creative solutions and. 1 70
comfort zone. challenges to.
human fear of. 36
1 0 1 --{)2
channel, being convinced and,
commanding. as communication blocker. 62
chaos phase
commitment getting clear regarding criteria and. 1 7 1
50
human difficulty with. 33-37 Universal Cycles of Change. 30
communication I>ockers. 6 1 --63
client's agenda, I 1 7-23
directionalizing. I 1 8-2 1
coaching implications of holding. 1 23
meta-model and. 84
directionalizing the communI· cation and. I 1 8-2 1 exercises and examples,
systemic. See systemic com munication comparative deletions, meta model. 87. 90--9 1
1 2 1 -22
overview of. I 1 7 purpose and method of hold ing. 1 1 7- 1 8 closed questions. 8 1 -84. See also open questions
comparison. modes of. 48--49 completion or termination phase. in coaching relation ship. 1 4 complexity phase. Universal Cycles of Change. 29-30
coach-client relationship. 7-1 I coaching services provided by
208
nonverbal. 63--65
confiict resolution. 1 28
Coaching in meWoricplace I ClOOB GOAUQPC
ideotifying criteria woresl phrases, 42-43
content reframing one-phrase reframing, 1 08- 1 0
criteria, getting clear regarding
overview of. 1 07-08
case study, I 78-79 illustration of. 1 73
context content reframing and, 1 07-08 identifying when getting clear about criteria, I 74 state of mind and. See state management contract between coach and client 1 5- 1 6 convincer, determining what constitutes convincing evidence, 47-48 cooperative, work styles, 55-56 Cooperide" David
L.
1 45
counseling, 7 Covey, Stephen, 203 craft of coaching. 1 00-1 1 0 acknowledging. I 00-1 0 I challenging, 1 0 1-02
overview of. 1 7 1 -72 steps in, 1 74-77 Critic state, Disney strategy, 1 8 1 -86 o decis on making getting clear regareing criteria and, 1 7 1 meta-programs and, 45-46 pel"Spectives and, 75 deletons comparative, 9G-9 1 infomnation-gathering identity set of meta-model, 87--88 simple, 90
content reframing, I 07-08
denying, as communication blocke" 63
inquiry. 1 04-05
designing the alliance
intruding, 1 02-04 one-phrase reframlng. 1 08- 1 0 overview of. I 00 requesting. 1 06-07 creation phase, Universal Cycles of Change, 29 creative solutions, 1 67-7 1 case study, I 7G-7 I illustration of reframing, 1 69 reframing, 1 67, 1 69-70 creativity, Disney strategy and, 181 criteria determining evidence for how cr�eria are met. 43-44 ©2008 GOAUQPC
aspects of coaching relation ship, 1 4 contract between coach and client 1 5- 1 6 detachment, resource states and, 1 62 detal orientation, versus big picture, 52-53 differences, modes of compari son and, 48 Dilts, Robert. 1 08. 1 52. 1 8 1 , 1 86 directionalizing the communica tion. I 1 8-2 1 Disney strategy case study, 1 83--86 how to do it 1 82-83
Index 209
future. as time reference, 54-55
illustration of, 1 80 overview of. I 8 I
G
distracting. as communication blocker. 63
generalizations, limitations of speaker's model, 88
dormancy phase, Universal Cycles of Change, 3 1 -32
goals
Dreamer state, Disney strategy. 1 8 1 -86
backward planning and, 1 3 1 -34 Disney strategy and, 1 8 1 , 1 83
dreams. tuming into reality, 1 8 1
identifYing client, 23
dropping off phase, Universal Cycles of Change, 3 1
setting. 5 Gordon,Thomas. 6 1 Grinder. John, S, 84, I 1 3
E
growth phase. Universal Cycles of Change, 29
EAP (Employee Assistance Program), 7-8 Elnine, Jan, 4, 1 87, 1 98
H
empathy. 1 1 3
habits. New Behavior Genera tor and, 1 56
Employee Assistance Program (EAP), 7-8
Hallbom, Kristine, 25
employees. as coaches, 8
helplessness. identity-related beliefs, 1 95
Erickson, Milton. 85. 1 04. I 1 3 evidence
hopelessness. identity-related beliefs. 1 95
beliefs and, I 88-89 convincing nature of. 49-50
HR (Human Resources) department. 7-8
determining evidence for how criteria are met 43-44 sensory nature of. I 25 external source, decision mak ing and, 45-46
ICF (Intemational Coach Federation). 3-4 icons, meta-programs. 44-45
F
identity. beliefs regarding. I 9(}"'9 I . 1 94-96
nexibility. state management and. 1 38
impossibility
founda�on (intake) session
limiting beliefs and. 1 93
aspects of coaching relation ship, 1 4 how to do
modal operators of, 94-95 In Beliefs: Pathways to Health and Well-Being. 1 88
it, 2(}"'23
overview of. I 8- 1 9
reasons for and what it does 20
functions, client list of, 22
210
independent work stye. 55-56 inquiry. in craft of coaching. 1 04-{)5
COKhinl io the �ce I C'2008 GOAUQPC
intemal decision making, 45�6
cause-related, 1 92
International Coach Federation (ICF), 3�
identity-nelated beliefs, 1 94-96
interrogating. as communication blocker. 63
overview of, 1 9 I
interrupting, 1 02-D3 intruding. in craft of coaching. 1 02-D4 "I" pos�ion. See self ("I" pos�ion)
meaning-nelated, 1 92-93 possibilrty-nelated, 1 93 listening, active, 69-7 1 lost performatives, 95 M manage
judgments as communication blocker. 62 beliefs and, 1 86 overgeneralized, 88 versus acknowledging, 1 00
as coaches. 8 coaches companed wM, 2 1 switching hats, 2 1 , 24-25 maps, usefulness and limitations of, 85 meaning- nelated beliefs, 1 9 2-93 mental imagery. New Behavior Generator using, 1 5 8
K kinesthetic pnedicates determining lead mode of a person, I 1 6 nonverbal indicators of, I I 6
meta-model, 84-99 cause and effect, 96 comparative deletions, 90-9 1 how to do
it, 88-89
illustration of, 85
L language directionalizing the communi cation and, I 1 9 for estiliishing rapport 47�8 meta-model for identifying pattems of, 84 words/phrases nelated to criteria and values, 1 72 leanning leaming curves, I 90 quick leanners, 1 56 lecturing. as communication blocker. 62 Leonard,Thomas, S life experience, beliefs and, 1 87 limiting beliefs, 1 9 1 -96 02008 GOAUQPC
illustration of meta-outcome, 99 mind reading, 96-97 modal operators of impos sibility, 94-96 modal operators of necessity. 93-94 nominalizations, 9 1 overview of, 84 pnesuppositions (silent or hidden assumptions), 97-98 simple deletions, 90 universal quantifiers, 92-93 unspecified verbs, 92 unspecified "who" (nefenential index), 90 what it does, 86-88 what it is, 84-86
Index 2 1 1
meta-outcomes. 1 26--3 1 See also outcomes
time reference (past. present. future). 54-55
case study. 1 29-31
mind reading
connict resolution and. 1 28
meta-model. 96--97
determining. 1 29
semantic ill-formedness and. 88
how to do it. 1 27-28
mindset. Disney strategy and.
1 82
what � does. 1 27 what It is/reasons for using, I 26
mirroring. rapport and. I 1 2- 1 3 modal operators of impos sibil�
meta-position. 72. See also observer position
generalizations In meta model. 88
meta-programs. 38-<>0 action levels and. 5 1 -52
meta-model. 94-96
attention directedness (intemal to self or extemal to nonverbal behavior of others). 53-54
modal operators of necess� generalizations in meta model. 88 meta-model. 93-94
big picture versus detail onentatlon. 52-53 cOflV1ncing evidence and. 49-50 cr�ena words/phrases. 42-43 deCision making and. 45-46
mode. being convinced and, 50 moralizing. as communication blocker. 62 motivation, meta-programs and. 23. 44
determining evidence for how criteria are met. 43-44 how to use it, 40
N
Identifying c�eria words/ phrases. 42-43
name calling, as communication blocker. 62
necess� modal operators of.
language for establishing rap port 47-48
93-94
modes of comparison and,
Neuro-Linguistic Programming. See NLP (Neuro-Llnguistic Programming)
48-49
motivation and. 23. 44
New Behavior Generator. 1 56--6 1
overview of, 38-39
case study. I 60-6 1
procedures versus options.
how to do n. 1 59-60
46-47
profile form. 56--58
illustration of. 1 57
reasons for using and what n does. 39-40
overview of, 1 56
steps in general process. 4 1 -42 style of work (independent. proximal. cooperative). 55-56. 59-60
212
what � does. 1 58 NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Pro gramming) coaching compared w�h. 6 meta-model and. 84-85
Coaching in the Workpb.ce I e2008 GOAUQPC
overview of.
5
1 23-24
NLP: The New Technology or Achievement, 5
outside coaches. 9
nomlnahzations
p
meta-model, 9 1 types o f deletions i n meta model. 88 nonverbal behavio� I 1 6- 1 7 nonverbal communication, 63�5 noun deletions. 87
past. time reference. 54-55 pejorative statements, reframlng, I 08 penceptlJal positions, 7 1 -80. See a/so resource states case study, 79-80 detaching from problem states, 1 62 examples of, 72-77
o observer posITion. See also resource states
exenclses applYing, 77-79
case study, 1 66
recognizing and realiZing abil ity to chose, 74
example comparing WIth self posrtion. 72-73
Viewpoints of self. other. and observe� 7 1 -72
penceptual positions o� 72 one-phrase refram ing, 1 08- 1 0 open questions exencises applying, 8 1 -84 how to do it. 8 1 reasons for using and what they are, 80 opportunITies, for coaching, 1 2 options, versus procedures, 46-47 organizational change, 1 45--46 orlord inal, directionalizing co"' munication and. 1 20 other position actors and. 74 perspective o� 7 1 -72 outcomes, 1 23-26. See also meta-outcomes beliefs about possibilrty and, 1 93-97 questions for ensuring suc cess, 1 24-26 requirements for success. 02008 GOAllQPC
what t does, 77 what t is, 7 1 perforrrers, lost performa tives,95 periodic reviews, aspects of coaching rela�onship. 1 4 Peris, Fr tz, 85 personal change, 1 46 personal development goals, 23 personal powe� I 38 perspectJve. See penceptual positions planning backward planning, 1 26, I 3 1 -34 Disney strategy and. I 8 1 possibility-related beliefs, 1 93 praising versus acknowledging, 1 00 as communication blocker; 63 present. time reference. 54-55 presuppositions directionalizing communica-
Index 2 1 3
tion and, 1 1 9-21
kinesthetic pnedicates and, I 1 6
meta-model and, 97-98
language for establishing. 47-48
semantic ill-fonmedness and, 88
visual pnedicates and, I 1 5
proactive, action levels and, 5 I
neactive, action levels and, 5 1
problem solving. Bateson's strategy. 1 52-56
Realist state, Disney strategy, 1 8 1 --86
case study. 1 55-56 how to do
it.
1 54--55
illustration of, 1 53 overview of, 1 52 problem solving. open ques tions and, 80 problem states Bateson's strategy and, 1 55--56 detaching from, I 62 procedures, versus options, 46-47 profile form, meta-programs, 56--58 proximity, work style, 55-56
Q questioning client's judgement. as communication blocke� 63 questions closed, 8 1 --84 for determining meta-out comes, 1 29 for ensuring success, 1 24--26 for nefiection process, 203-04 open. See open questions
reassuring. as communication blocke� 63 nefiection inquiry stimulating. 1 05 value to coaches, 202-04 neframing case study. 1 70--7 1
finding cneative solutions, 1 67, 1 69-70 illustration of, 1 69 nehearsals, New Behavior Generator and, 1 58 requesting. in craft of coaching. 1 06-D7 resourcefulness. state manage ment and, I 38 resources, needed to achieve outcomes, I 25 nesource states. I 6 1 --<'6 Bateson's strategy for prob lem solving and, 1 55 case study. 1 66 ideas for building. 1 64 illustration of, I 63 New Behavior Generator and, 1 59 overview of, 1 6 1 -62
R
rapport acknowledging as means of cneating. 1 00 auditory pnedicates and, I I 5 determining lead mode of a person, I 1 4-- 1 5 gaining. I I I , 1 1 3- 1 4
214
steps in building. 1 65--<>6 review periodic, 1 4 sessions at end of coaching cycles, 1 7- 1 8 roles client list. 22 Disney strategy and, 1 82
getting clear regarding criteria and. 1 72 sw�ching hats and. 24-25
solution5. See creative solutions spatial anchoring. in problem solving. 1 54-55 5rivastvd. Suresh. 1 45 state managemenL I 38--43
5 sameness (similarities), modes of comparison, 48
case studies. 1 4G--42
sameness with exceptions. modes of comparison. 48
illustration of. 1 43
$atir.Virginia. 84. I 1 3 self-discovery. I 05 self ("I" pos�ion) attention directedness and, 53-54 example comparing with observer position. 72-73 "I am" statements and beliefs and. 1 9G--9 1 perceptual positions of, 7 1 program ming one's self, I 58 semantic ill-formedness. 88 sensory-based question. 80 sessions. I I I - I 7 aspects of coaching relation ship. 1 4 aud�ory predicates and. I I 5 determining lead mode of a person. I 1 4-1 5
how to do
it.
I 39-40
overview of, 1 38-39 state of mind. See state manage ment stem be lefs. 1 96--97 storybo"rdlng. I 3 1 -37 backward planning to achieve long-term goals. 1 3 1 -34 case study. I 35-36 illustration of, 1 37 stuck states Bateson's strategy for prob lem solving. I 52 New Behavior Generator and. 1 59 resource states and. 1 6 1 style of wonk independenL in proximity, cooperative. 55-56. 59-60 success. See outcomes �ching hats
gaining rapport I I I. I I 3- 1 4
coaches and clients. 24-25
illustration of, I 1 2
dual relationships and. 20
kinesthetic predicates and. I 1 6 observing nonverbal behavior. 1 1 6-- 1 7 overview of, 1 3. I I I visual predicates and. I 1 5 simple deletions. meta-model. 90 skills. New Behavior Generator and. 1 56 social constructionist theory. 1 4 5 solution giving, a s communica tion blocker. 62
02008 GOALJQPC
managers. 2 1 systemic change, appreciative inquiry (AI) and. 1 46 systemic communication, 66--83 active listening and backtrack ing. 69 -71 exercise comparing role of spatial relationships in receiv ing feedback. 66--69 open questions and. 8G--84 overviEW of. 66
Index 2 1 5
perceptual positions and. See perceptual posrtions
life areas infiuenced by. 37-38 overview of. 25-26 reasons for using and what it does. 26
T thinking modes
tree analogy. 32-33
common audrtory predicates, 1 15
universal quantifiers generalizations in meta model. 88
common kinesthetic predi cates. I 1 6 common visual predicates, I 1 5 detenmining lead mode of a person. I 1 4- 1 5 overview of. I I 3 Thomas. Dan. 1 7 1 time frames
meta-model. 92-93 unspecified verbs ("how") meta-model. 92 types of deletions in meta model. 87 unspecified "who" (referential index)
achieving outcomes and, 1 25
meta-model. 90
goal setting and. 1 32-34
types of deletions in meta model. 87
time, presuppositions in directionalizing communication, 1 1 9-20 time reference (past. present, future). 54-55 tools. 1 3- 1 4 traits. client list of strengths and weakness. 22 trust. coach-client relationship and. I O- 1 1 turbulence phase, Universal Cycles of Change human difficulty w�h. 33-37 overview of. 30 U
Universal Cycles of Change. 25-38 cycles of. 29-32 how to use �. 27 human difficulty w�h turbu lence and chaos. 33-37
V
values client list. 22 cr�eria compared w�h. 1 72 visual predicates
determining lead mode of a person. 1 1 5 nonverbal indicators of. I 1 6 W
warnings, as communication blocker. 62 Words that Change Minds (Charvet). 39 work style. independent. in proxim� cooperative. 55-56. 59-60 worthlessness. identity-related beliefs. 1 95-96
illustration of. 28
216
Coaching in the Workplace I ©2008 GOAUQPC
I M PROVING THE WAY ORGANIZATIONS RUN GOALlQPC is a leading, worldw de provider of info rmation, tools, and services for organizational i m p rovement. We are a not-fo r- p rofit research, p u b l i shi ng, and training company ded icated to helping people achieve performance excellence. Our best-selling product line, The r-'Iemory Jogger'" series, is designed to give everyone in the organization the tools and methods they need
for
organizational
improvement. We also provide off-the-shelf training materials. software. books, DVDs, and training courses to help you meet your improvement goals. Visit us online today and learn how people around the world. in all types of organizations and industries. use our materials to excel at: U Six Sigma
u Strategic Planning
o Lean Enterprise
o Team Facilitation and Coaching
o Process Improvement
o Customer Focus
o Time Management
Innovation and
o Problem Solving
Creativity
o Project Management
o Leadership
o ISO 900 I :2000
..J Process Management
Compliance
Contact GOALlQPC Toll Free: Sales Direct:
800.643.43 1 b
603.893. 1 944 I
[email protected]
Fax:
603.870.9 1 22
I www.MemoryJogger.org
