And So Is Love

For two years of his ten-year prison sentence, Dane Faulkner has been a man best left alone. When Bailey Lewis disturbs his solitude and becomes a target for the local bullies, Dane finds the best way to protect him is to stake his own claim. What happens when the pretence becomes something more?

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And So Is Love By Scarlet Blackwell

Dedication For Kaye

Chapter One

D

ane Faulkner was laying full length on the top bunk with his arms behind his head when his new cellmate was shown in. The man looked about thirty, two years younger than Dane and was of average height with a lean, well-toned body. Like everyone else in here, the newcomer wore a black shirt with his number stitched across the left side of his chest in white and black jeans. His hair was dark and short, a boyish, tousled cut and he was pale with almost black eyes. He was very attractive. He looked both wary and confrontational as all the new arrivals did. Dane eyed him as the man stepped into the cell with his bedding and personal possessions in his arms and the bars slid firmly shut behind him. Dane was not interested in making new friends and influencing people, only surviving in this hellhole. He didn’t go out of his way to aggravate people like some inmates, but nor did he give a fuck about anyone else’s feelings. He kept to himself, mixing with a few people he tolerated 1

Scarlet Blackwell enough to exchange the time of day with, but if anyone fucked with him, he had a reputation for being a savage and fearsome fighter. Which was no wonder, when one considered his physique— six feet of muscle which was honed on the outside and perfected on the inside of this prison. His shirt strained across his broad chest and his tight jeans did little to conceal what he was packing. His face was stunning—perfect skin over chiselled bones and large, startlingly blue eyes, made bigger by his cropped dark hair. He had a big gay following in prison and he despised them all. “You get to go on bottom,” he told his new cellmate, his tone cool and firm, letting the interloper know who was in charge from the start. The stranger eyed the bottom bunk and then he eyed Dane, his eyes sliding blatantly down the hard body onto his groin before a sardonic smile twitched his sensual mouth. “Just the way I like it.” He bent to put his things on the bed. “You a fag?” Dane demanded instantly, shifting uncomfortably on the bunk after the unwelcome heat of that dark gaze. The man straightened up and eyed him again, his expression perilously close to disrespectful from what Dane could see. “I might be. Is it a problem if I am?” Dane sat up. He swung his legs off the bunk and then jumped down, gratified to see his 2

And So Is Love cellmate step back two paces in the confined space as he did. Dane stepped forward, putting himself in the other man’s personal space, making him back up until Dane had him pinned against the sink, one hand above his head on the mirror. “Well, let me see.” His voice was low and threatening. “It’s only a problem if I catch you looking at me when I’m undressing or if I hear you jerking off at night or witness you sucking some guy’s cock in the shower. I think me and you might then have a problem. If you keep your dirty, little hands to yourself though and don’t look at what you can’t afford, then I’m sure it’ll be just fine.” There was a long silence during which the dark-eyed man stared confrontationally back into Dane’s eyes. He was intimidated for sure, but he was also putting on a brave front. “I’ll try my hardest not to stick my dick in your ass when I see you bending over,” he said coldly, his voice rolling with sarcasm. Dane didn’t like this. He gripped his cellmate by the throat and slammed his head into the mirror. “You do that,” he spat, his eyes flashing. The other man didn’t try to fight him. He only glared back at him, staying still and waiting for Dane to release him. Dane did so, going back to his bunk and turning over on his side to face the wall, wondering if the new guy was staring at his 3

Scarlet Blackwell ass. People got lonely in here, that was a fact and the straightest guy turned queer if it meant getting their dick sucked or sticking it somewhere other than in their own hand. Some guys needed the affection more than anything else and comfort often turned to cuddles and kisses and a lasting relationship. These guys were ridiculed when they were discovered—ridiculed more than the guys who bent another guy over and fucked him without ever speaking to him again, but there was probably an element of jealousy to it. These men might have been in prison, but they had found love. Dane didn’t go out of his way to denigrate a homosexual, but those guys who made passes at him or offered to suck his dick usually got a fat lip. Once, three tough guys had cornered him in the kitchens and tried to rape him. The first got boiling oil poured on him, the second got his head split open and the third ran away after Dane threatened to insert a rolling pin up his ass. Dane wasn’t looking for love or for sex—he made do with his own hand, no matter how frustrating it was. The dining hall was noisy, long tables crowded with chattering inmates, the queue for food from the blind service window moving steadily. Dane 4

And So Is Love sat with Nicol and Anthony, a couple of guys he often played cards with and the nearest thing he had to friends in here. He watched his cellmate as the guy hovered with his own tray a moment and tried to decide which table would tolerate his presence without a fuss. “That the new fish?” Nicol asked, jerking his head, talking with his mouth full. A powerful black guy of thirty-seven years. He had been a boxer on the outside, but his unfortunate penchant for dealing drugs on the side had landed him in prison. “Yeah.” Dane caught his cellmate’s eye and looked away. “You going to invite him over?” Anthony enquired, raising an eyebrow. Anthony was a bespectacled nerd of thirty-five, a college professor convicted of manslaughter while driving under the influence. Dane shrugged, indicating he didn’t give a fuck, so Anthony took it upon himself to wave the new guy over. Anthony was a generous soul, which usually got him taken advantage of and bullied. The stranger came over to the table, hovered, then sat down opposite Dane with a little glare, which Dane shot right back. “Anthony Bateman,” Anthony said politely, holding out his hand. 5

Scarlet Blackwell Dane’s cellmate shook it with a nod. “Bailey Lewis.” “Nice to meet you, Bailey.” Nicol offered his hand, too, and introduced himself and Bailey shook it. That left Dane, but he didn’t bother, only kept his eyes on his food and not on the dark gaze opposite him. “Your cellmate is Dane Faulkner,” Nicol informed Bailey. “He’s an antisocial mofo. Don’t pay no attention to him.” Dane turned his head and glowered at him, then his gaze moved back to Bailey when Anthony asked, “What’re you in for?” “Aggravated assault,” Bailey replied, staring Dane down. Dane couldn’t resist a jibe. “I didn’t realise fags knew how to fight.” Bailey flushed a little in anger. “I beat him up because he called me a fag.” “How long you get?” Nicol asked. “Four years.” “You should learn to turn the other cheek,” Dane remarked nonchalantly, “or you’re going to spend your life beating up guys who call you a fag.” He allowed a small smile to curl around the edges of his mouth. Bailey continued to stare him down. “Fuck you.” 6

And So Is Love Dane’s mouth tightened and his fist clenched. Nicol was first to react, laying a hand on Dane’s arm, sometimes a surprisingly calm influence on Dane who was rash and hot tempered. “Leave it, man.” Dane allowed himself to meet Bailey’s stare for some seconds and then he got up and took his tray away. Dane was first back to the cell for lights out and was already under the covers, perusing his new skin magazine when Bailey came back. The door closed behind him and Bailey went over to the sink to brush his teeth. Dane’s eyes strayed towards him. Bailey straightened up from the sink and stripped off his t-shirt with back turned. He had a dark tattoo on one shoulder and another on his left bicep. But it was the one at the base of his back that interested Dane the most. It was the male symbol, two of them entwined, one in red and the other in black. Dane’s lip curled in derision. Bailey turned around suddenly. “See something you like?” he asked provocatively. Dane’s jaw clenched. “I’d do your best to scrape that tattoo off if I were you,” he said coldly. “You’re going to get the shit kicked out of you when you expose yourself in the shower.” Bailey’s eyes were flat and hard. “I don’t hide 7

Scarlet Blackwell what I am. It’s other people’s problem.” “And pushing it in people’s faces like that is how you get in trouble.” Bailey smiled sardonically. “Ah, Dane, if I didn’t know better, I’d swear you were concerned for my wellbeing.” They held a confrontational glare and then deliberately, Bailey turned his back, unfastened his jeans and exposed his bare ass to Dane, bending over to take his shoes off. Dane growled in anger and turned his back and his cellmate laughed softly as he climbed into his bunk. By breakfast, he had made up his mind to beat Bailey up. Just a few slaps should be enough to knock the attitude out of him and make their living arrangements more harmonious. Not enough that it would result in a trip to the hole for Dane, as he wasn’t fond of that place, and not too little that Bailey didn’t get the message. His cellmate didn’t sit with him at breakfast. He was talking to one of the guys from the next cell, Andrew, an extremely attractive guy who had to be queer even though Dane had never seen any evidence. He and Bailey looked very friendly though and Dane eyed them with disgust, wondering if Bailey was already on the prowl on his second day inside. 8

And So Is Love He got his towel and toiletry bag from his cell and then he went to the showers. When he stripped and strode into the steam, he found Bailey already there, right at the other end of the long room, his figure lean and pale. As Dane glanced at him, he saw one of the usual suspects, a guy named Byron Watson, approach Bailey and jab a finger hard into the base of his back. “What the fuck is this?” Bailey turned around, showing a well-sculpted and hairless chest, apart from a narrow dark strip which led down his flat stomach to a neatly trimmed bush. His prick was more than adequate, his balls heavy and hairless beneath. “Excuse me?” Bailey asked. “I said, what the fuck is this tattoo?” The guy challenged him again. Short and bulging with muscle with a skinhead and two sleeves of tattoos, Byron Watson was the main drug baron in this place and one of the top bullies. In prison for life without the possibility of parole after torturing and murdering a list of rival gang members, his methods had not changed. Although he had now added rape to his repertoire as he saw how efficiently it could break a man. “You advertising the fact you take it up the ass?” he demanded of Bailey with disgust and something else in his tone. Something which suggested he scented new prey and was excited. 9

Scarlet Blackwell Dane almost smiled smugly. He could save himself skinned or broken knuckles. Someone else was going to do it for him. “My tattoos are my own business,” Bailey replied haughtily. “Do I make comments about the tacky naked woman you’ve got on your arm and how she looks like someone’s grandma?” Dane almost admired the guy in that moment, but he was too busy cringing at his big mouth. Bailey hit the deck in a flurry of limbs and was dragged upright and pounded against the wall, his head leaving a smear of blood as he fell again. His attacker pulled Bailey up once more and pushed him face first against the tiles. Then he pressed his own naked body lewdly against Bailey’s backside. “Seeing as you’re advertising the wares, you better be thankful I don’t stick my dick right in you, you dirty little homo.” He punched Bailey in the kidneys, over the tattoo, and stalked away. Bailey slumped forward against the wall and slithered to the floor. No one in the shower moved to help him. Dane watched a moment and then he grabbed his stuff and left. “You’ve got a big fucking mouth, Bailey,” he told his cellmate at lights out. “I’m surprised you’re not pissing blood after this morning.” Bailey flushed the toilet and tucked himself away, moving to the sink. “I’m fine,” he informed 10

And So Is Love Dane sullenly. “And I don’t let people walk all over me.” Dane regarded him over the top of his magazine. “There’s a difference between that and deliberately goading the toughest guy in this place. Your card is marked, my friend. Next time, it’ll be a shank in your back, not just a fist.” Bailey turned around and stared at him with those almost black eyes. “You’re no friend of mine,” he told Dane before he climbed into his bunk.

11

Scarlet Blackwell

Chapter Two

B

ailey was inordinately fond of books and secured a job in the library, so Dane did not see him for several hours a day, much to his relief. The tattoo continued to present problems as Dane had envisaged. His cellmate was tormented and kicked around but usually gave as good as he got. He started spending more time with Andrew and Dane wondered if anything was going on between them. Bailey got friendly with Nicol and Anthony, too, who liked him. When Dane was around his cellmate, he usually sat silently with his arms crossed, face like he was sucking lemons, not speaking to Bailey unless he absolutely had to. Bailey’s presence irked him and he was uncomfortable undressing and going to the toilet in front of him. It wasn’t as though Bailey showed any interest in him apart from a few blatant looks at his groin when Dane walked around the cell in boxers. Those times, Bailey would grin when he was discovered and bury his 12

And So Is Love nose back in his book. Dane could never work out if Bailey allowed himself to get caught looking because he wanted to wind Dane up or if he was genuinely admiring Dane’s body. Either way, it pissed him off. **** After a couple of months, Bailey got himself in too deep with Byron and a trip to hospital beckoned. The first Dane knew about it was when Nicol poked his head into his cell and said, “Your cellmate just got the crap beaten out of him in the library.” “Is that so?” Dane feigned disinterest and lazily turned the page of his latest skin magazine, but he was far from disinterested. “Yeah, I saw him being taken to hospital. The fucking bone was sticking out of his arm and there was blood everywhere.” “Shame,” Dane remarked as even he cringed at the thought of such brutality. “John Sheppard was there. He says Byron Watson and his buddies did it. Byron told Bailey he was going to fucking murder him and Bailey said, ‘Fine. Bring it on.’” Dane looked over the top of his magazine. He shook his head. “I can’t decide if that guy is just an idiot or if he has balls like watermelons.” 13

Scarlet Blackwell Nicol laughed. “For a fag, he has fucking balls. I don’t know why you’re so hard on him.” Dane’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t fucking like him, dude.” “Because he’s a fag.” “No.” “Yes. Do you like me?” Dane rolled his eyes, knowing where this was going. “You’re okay.” “So you don’t dislike me because I’m black?” “Fuck off, Nicol.” “Isn’t it the same thing? How come you discriminate against him but not against me?” Dane regarded him a moment. “If you had a fag in your cell watching you when you fucking undress, you’d be the same,” he snapped finally. Nicol raised an eyebrow. “You think he’s hot for you?” “Maybe,” Dane said, even though he didn’t know. “What I think is that your ego tells you every fag in this place wants to fuck your tight, little white ass even though they probably don’t.” Nicol cackled. “Fuck you.” Dane glowered, reddening. “Whatever. If Bailey didn’t find you hot, bet you’d be devastated.” Dane gave him a murderous look. There weren’t many guys who could get away with 14

And So Is Love taunting him this way. “Why don’t you go away now?” he suggested in his sweetest voice. Nicol smiled. “All I’m saying is why don’t you give the guy a fucking break? He’s had nothing but shit from everyone since he arrived here.” “And he brings it on himself!” Nicol looked at him a moment, then he shook his head and left the cell. **** It was two weeks before Bailey came back. On his left arm he wore a cast and there was a pattern of fading yellowish bruises down one side of his face. Dane was down in the main area playing cards with Anthony and Nicol and a couple of other guys when he saw Bailey walk past and head up the stairs to his cell. He gazed after him a moment, then he turned back to his game. Bailey was sleeping when Dane came back just before dinner. Dane was sure to bang around the cell enough for Bailey to open his eyes and glower at him. “Miss me?” Bailey enquired with sugarysweet sarcasm. “Yeah. Like a bad case of crabs.” “I missed you, too, honey,” Bailey simpered in the gayest voice Dane had ever heard. He stalked towards the bunk, intent on finally allowing his 15

Scarlet Blackwell fist to make contact with Bailey’s pretty face, and then he stopped short when he saw to his surprise, fear in Bailey’s expression, the other man bracing himself on his bunk to be hit. Suddenly, Dane had no interest in hitting his cellmate. He instead bounded up to the top bunk and lay down, listening to Bailey letting his breath out. Bailey followed him down to the dining hall at dinner and Dane watched out of the corner of his eye as he held his tray in one hand and took several attempts to pick up his plastic cutlery with his casted hand. Dane resisted the urge to help him and turned his back, going to his table. When he got there and saw Bailey wasn’t behind him, he turned around. Bailey was in a face off with Byron who was just in the act of spitting in Bailey’s rather nice casserole. The bully smirked and told Bailey, “Now eat it.” Dane told himself that all bets were off and he would never acknowledge Bailey again if the pussy did as he was told. But he should have known Bailey and his balls a bit better by now. “Fuck you,” Bailey growled before he hurled his tray into Byron’s face and pandemonium ensued, with Byron wrestling him to the ground and Byron’s buddies putting the boot in. Dane 16

And So Is Love watched a moment and then he ate as much of his dinner as he could before the guards came and put them all in lock down. **** Bailey was in the hole for two days. When he returned, Dane was in the library, attempting to read D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterley’s Lover because someone had told him it was dirty. He wondered if he could pretend he was a gardener and jerk off later to the idea of servicing the grand lady of the house. He looked up as Bailey entered and nodded curtly at Dane before he went over to the shelves. His face was freshly bruised. No doubt a legacy from a helpful baton by the hacks and he walked rather gingerly as though something pained him. For a moment, Dane was angry at the hacks on behalf of his cellmate before he got a grip and told himself it was none of his business, just like being concerned that Bailey couldn’t handle his plate one-handed in the dining room was none of his business either. He looked at Bailey’s turned back thoughtfully—the long, slender legs encased in jeans, the shirt moulded to his lean torso and he asked himself if he was thawing towards his cellmate. He didn’t feel quite as antagonistic 17

Scarlet Blackwell towards Bailey as he should have done. He no longer had any particular urge to beat the shit out of him. He had even found the cell empty without hearing the soft breathing coming from the lower bunk at night. His thoughts disturbed him. Bailey turned around holding a book and their gazes met. His cellmate disappeared to the other side of the library and sat with his back turned. At dinner he was sullen and uncommunicative, picking at his food, seated next to Anthony, opposite Dane, his gaze never touching him. Dane began to wonder if Bailey was holding some sort of grudge against him and the silent treatment pissed him off, to his surprise. Back at the cell he spoke up. “Did I do something wrong?” Bailey turned around, in surprise, from the mirror where he had been examining the bruises on his face. He frowned. “No.” “Oh. You seem mighty pissed about something.” Bailey shook his head. “Not you, man. For a change.” Dane’s eyes narrowed into a glare and Bailey’s hackles rose in retaliation. “What, I’m not allowed to be pissed off? I’m in fucking prison, dude, in case you didn’t know and 18

And So Is Love I just got out of two-days solitary with no clothes, no books and only a bucket to piss in. I thought I was going to go fucking insane and they would have to cart me out in a fucking straitjacket. And my cast itches like fuck and I can’t scratch. Excuse me if I’m not turning fucking cartwheels.” His face was flushed and he was almost breathless from his speech. “Yeah, well, we all feel like that, don’t take it out on me,” Dane growled and turned away. “Fuck off,” Bailey told him succinctly. He was on the floor before Dane realised he had even raised his fist, acting on autopilot and finally, flattening his cellmate. So much for not wanting to hit him anymore. He was a liar to himself. He looked down at Bailey who was groggily holding his jaw and glaring at him with pure venom in his eyes and then as he stood up, Dane pushed past him and left the cell. Dane expended the rest of his anger in the gym, mercilessly hammering the punch bag until he was exhausted. He made it back to the cell with fifteen minutes to spare before lights out and grabbed his towel and bag for a shower. Bailey was in bed, curled on his side facing the wall. On his bare back was a livid pattern of dark bruises and Dane stopped a moment and stared before he hurried out. 19

Scarlet Blackwell The showers were deserted and Dane set the water deliciously cool to ease away the sweat he had worked up. He let the spray run down over his head and he stood facing the wall with his hand braced against it, eyes closed. The tension drained from his body. He was relaxed and sleepy and his dick started to stand surprisingly to attention at being alone like this. Getting the shower to yourself was a luxury rarer than hen’s teeth and his body told him he needed to take full advantage of it. He hadn’t jerked off at all since Bailey had joined him in his cell and he was feeling the frustration all right. He thought of Lady Chatterley’s Lover. He imagined himself in rough work clothes, his hands dirty with labour, spying on the lady of the house as she walked through the woods in her fine silk gown. He saw himself accosting her, the woman putting a hand to her heaving breast in fright before he took her in his arms and she almost swooned as he kissed her. He wrapped his hand around his stiff shaft as he saw himself wrestling her to the ground. Lifting the silk dress around her waist, he found her without underwear because this was his fantasy and in his fantasies, women could go commando, no matter what period in history it was. His rough hands touched her satin thighs, spread them to him and found her wet. He leaned down to kiss her again as he jerked himself off 20

And So Is Love hard, grunting a little, his mouth open and water running into it and he tried to see her face, because he needed to fix on the details, never a man able to jerk off over someone faceless. The face invaded his mind firmly, pale with some freckles over the nose, impossibly dark eyes, dark hair and a pattern of bruising down one side. His eyes flew open and he stared in horror at the tiles but it was too late. He felt the hardness of the body beneath his and the legs around him. He felt the softness of the mouth under his and he cried out as he came over the wall in long spurts, his legs shaking as though they would fold beneath him. He entered the cell silently and brushed his teeth. Bailey was breathing softly, still facing the wall and as the lights shut off and Dane settled himself under the covers, it was the familiar sound which lulled him easily to sleep.

21

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Chapter Three

D

ane woke up in the silence preceding the morning call like he always did. Two years of always getting up at the same time had got him into this routine and he knew by now that Bailey would also be awakening any moment. He lay and looked at the ceiling a moment with the shadows playing over it and then he heard the bunk below him creak as Bailey turned over. Bailey did what he always did first thing in the morning—go to pee. Dane watched as he climbed from the bunk wearing pyjama bottoms and stood with his back turned, a stream of urine hitting the porcelain. The second thing Bailey always did after washing his hands was wash his face with some expensive, scented face scrub he kept on the shelf and he did this now, rinsing thoroughly before he straightened up and stared at Dane in the mirror. “Are you watching me?” he asked confrontationally, reaching for a towel. 22

And So Is Love Was he really spoiling for a fight this early in the morning? Even Dane didn’t have it in him at this time. “I might be,” he said calmly, not rising to the bait. “Like what you see?” Bailey turned around to face him. His tone was coy, his gaze direct and challenging. On his cheek was a bruise from where Dane had hit him the night before. Dane swallowed. Was Bailey really doing this overtly, for the first time since he had come to the prison? Why now? Why had he waited so long? “Are you…coming on to me?” he asked in a low voice. Bailey cocked his head to one side with a smirk. He leaned back against the sink with eyes lazily slitted, one hip thrust forward so Dane saw the thick outline of his half-hard cock through the thin material of his pants. “I might be.” Dane’s expression darkened. He raised himself on one elbow, glaring at Bailey. “I thought I told you when you arrived what would happen if you tried this shit with me.” “Well now, let me see.” Bailey rubbed his backside sensuously against the sink, drawing even more attention to his cock. “What you actually said was that you would have a problem with me staring at you while you undressed. The fact is you’re the one looking at me. Also, you haven’t caught me jerking off, sucking a guy’s 23

Scarlet Blackwell cock or trying to put my dirty, little hands on you, so I don’t see how you can have a problem with me.” Dane stared in disbelief that Bailey remembered every word of his little welcoming speech. “Add flirting to the list,” he said stonily. “Buzz kill,” Bailey shot back airily. “Fact is, Dane, I’ve had pretty much everything done to me in here already and I’m still standing. I don’t consider you too much of a threat anymore, because I think you would have killed me by now if you wanted to. Either way, I don’t care what you do, so I’ll tell you now, you’re hot. You’re the hottest guy in this place. If you want me to suck your cock and swallow, it would be my great pleasure.” Dane’s mouth opened in shock and he reddened uncontrollably. Bailey cackled in delight, obviously thinking he had got the upper hand in whatever battle of wills the two cellmates were having. At that moment, the alarm sounded and the lights clicked on to the sound of shuffling and rustling from all over the wing. Dane tossed his covers back and jumped from his bunk. He stalked over to Bailey who stood his ground against the sink and gripped his cellmate by the throat. “Tell me why I shouldn’t break your fucking neck right now?” Eye to eye, the two stared at each other and 24

And So Is Love Dane regarded Bailey’s face up close. His skin was perfect—maybe it was that face wash—almost translucent and flawless with a light dusting of freckles over the nose which you could only see up close. The lashes were jet black against the white skin and the eyes almost as black as the lashes. The nose was small as was the mouth, the lips pink and full. As Dane watched, Bailey licked them nervously, leaving them moist and gleaming. “Because you like me?” he suggested in an earnest whisper, all seriousness now. “Maybe just a little bit? And it’s okay to admit it.” There was silence between the two of them. Dane tried to speak but couldn’t. The black eyes bored into his. He was aware of the heat and muscle of the body pressed against his. A sudden metallic clanging startled them both and they turned to look as their cell door slid open. “What the hell’s going on here?” demanded one of the hacks suspiciously. “Move apart right now you two.” Dane stepped back with a glare at both the hack and Bailey and turned around to grab some clothes. Bailey didn’t sit with him at breakfast but instead chose Andrew. The two spoke in low voices with their heads together and cast frequent 25

Scarlet Blackwell glances at Dane until he boiled with rage at whatever they might be plotting. After the meal, Bailey was quick to disappear, but Dane wasn’t letting him hide. The two had unfinished business from that morning. He aimed to put Bailey firmly in his place and stop the little fag’s designs on him in their tracks. If it meant maiming his cellmate, then so be it. He searched all over the wing for him until finally he entered the gym, which was usually quiet so soon after breakfast and indeed, he found it deserted. He almost turned back until he heard a stifled sound from the storeroom down at the end. Frowning, Dane crossed the shiny floor on noiseless shoes and reached the door, staring through the small glass window. Inside, Byron and two of his cronies were restraining Bailey. They had him bent over a table, his face mashed against it while one guy held him hard by the hair. Blood ran from his nose and mouth and he cursed foully. Another guy held him down by the wrists, his grip so tight that Bailey’s hands were turning purple with the tourniquet effect. Bailey’s pants were around his knees and his pert ass was on display. Behind him stood Byron, with his hard cock in his hand, grinning triumphantly as he guided himself towards his victim’s waiting buttocks. 26

And So Is Love Dane stared. He might have stood by while Byron bullied Bailey before, but now the injustice of one man against three rose up in him. This was wrong and this time, he couldn’t walk away and leave his cellmate to be raped no matter what. He kicked the door open. “Let him go.” Every head in the room turned to his, including Bailey’s, so he saw a black eye and a bruised cheek amongst all the blood and felt pure fury overtake him. Right then, he could have willingly killed all three of Bailey’s attackers. Byron regarded him lazily, although his eyes were wary. Dane was a man to be feared and respected and the two had rarely locked swords before. “We’re just having a bit of fun here with this fine piece of ass,” he drawled, slapping Bailey hard on one cheek so the firm flesh vibrated every so slightly and reddened. “I’ll let you break him in first if you want. That cock of yours’ll bring tears to his eyes.” Byron’s cronies laughed nervously. Dane stepped forward, eyes like hard chips of glass. “No one’s breaking him in. Let him go right now, or I break your fucking face.” Byron still made no move. His cock withered ever so slightly in his grip. “Is there something we should know, Faulkner? You been keeping your little bitch secret?” Dane’s jaw clenched. But suddenly, Byron’s 27

Scarlet Blackwell insinuations didn’t matter, because he saw clearly that having him think the wrong thing would guarantee Bailey protection. He had to take that opportunity no matter what people would think. “Yeah,” he said boldly. “Yeah what?” Byron asked with narrowed eyes. Dane hesitated only a fraction of a second. “Yeah he’s mine. You touch him again, I’ll cut your dick off. Got it?” Byron’s cronies suddenly looked terrified. They let go of Bailey and stepped away, heading for the door on the opposite side of the storeroom. Byron regarded Dane coolly, tucking his cock away. “Well, well, well. Wondered how long it’d take before you turned fag, Dane.” Dane lunged forward. He punched Byron in the face and sent him sprawling over a pile of gym mats. “Longer than you,” he snarled, gripping the other man by the shirt and punching him again as he tried to get up. “But then, with you, it’s not about sex but about control, isn’t it?” Byron punched him back. The two grappled violently and rolled off the mats and onto the hard floor where Dane slammed Byron’s head against it furiously and Byron tried to dig his thumbs into Dane’s eyes. A boot flew out of nowhere. There was a crack as Byron’s jaw dislocated and he fell back groaning in agony. Dane climbed to his feet to see 28

And So Is Love Bailey standing over him, face covered in blood. He didn’t say anything, he only turned and walked away, looking back to make sure Dane was following him. The two of them slunk in silence into the shower room and Dane watched wordlessly as Bailey washed his face at the sink, holding tissues against his nose and lip to stem the bleeding. Finally, he left and Dane followed him again, making sure he got back to the cell unmolested. He had no intention of remaining there with him, but as soon as Bailey stepped foot inside, he turned and addressed Dane with his eyes flashing angrily. “I can take care of myself. I don’t need you wading in like some sort of fucking superhero minus the tights.” Dane frowned, eyes narrowed. “Ungrateful bastard,” he spat, astonished at this attitude. “Whatever,” Bailey shot back. “Think you did me a favour there? I’m a dead man now. And you, everyone in this fucking prison is going to think you’re taking me up the ass. Proud of that fact?” Dane glowered at him, jaw clenched. “I don’t give a fuck. If I’m fucking you, no one else will dare try.” Bailey stared at him. There was some sort of emotion in his eyes, something more than Dane had ever seen there before. “Why did you…do 29

Scarlet Blackwell this for me?” His voice was unsteady. Dane had no ready answer on his lips. “Do you…want me?” Bailey’s voice was low, his anger gone. He glanced over Dane’s shoulder and then he moved forward, his hand seeking Dane’s crotch. Dane jerked backwards. “What the fuck are you doing? Jesus, does everything come down to that with you, you goddamn fag? I helped you out, therefore I must want your ass myself? God, you make me fucking sick!” “Fuck you!” Bailey shoved Dane back hard so he stumbled backwards out of the cell. “You goddamn jock, I never met anyone who so obviously wanted me before. Sooner or later, you’ll be desperate for it and I’ll tell you now, you’ll have to fucking rape me like Byron, because I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole!” Dane lunged forwards with the red mist over him, fully intent on killing Bailey now, but before he could, a baton was thrust between them both. “Step away, Faulkner!” shouted the same hack that had split them up that morning. “You leave this cell right now, or you’re going to the hole. Your choice, tough guy.” With eyes blazing with murderous hate, Dane stalked away from the cell with fists clenched, glaring back up at Bailey as he descended the stairs. 30

And So Is Love

Chapter Four

D

ane made sure not to go back to the cell for the rest of the day. Bailey came down the stairs and disappeared and later Anthony told Dane he had been over at the hospital for some dental treatment and Bailey had been there getting a wound above his eyebrow sutured. He had also seen Byron getting his jaw put back into place. Dane nodded grimly, folded his arms and said nothing, eyes fixed unseeingly on the television news, nothing of interest to him in the outside world. Not when his entire world consisted of these four walls and the person closest to him right now consisted of Bailey. He was still so angry at his cellmate. Why did everything come down to sex with him and why did Dane’s good deed result in Bailey thinking he had done it for some dark purpose of his own? He glanced around, noticing Byron’s two cronies talking in a huddle with some other guys, gesturing to Dane, whispering. His new sexuality 31

Scarlet Blackwell was all around the prison. What was he going to do about it? Was he going to deny it or was he going to keep his mouth shut and tell people to step into his office and have a private word with him if they had a problem with who he was screwing? He ran a hand over his closely cropped hair and sighed and then he glanced at Anthony. “Can I speak to you?” As far as he could see, when you wanted a sympathetic ear and impartial advice, Anthony was your man. Anthony nodded in surprise, because this was hardly a familiar request from Dane and led the way to his cell. Anthony got out cookies when they got to his cell and let Dane sit on his bunk while he chose the chair opposite. Dane got straight to the point. He told Anthony that Bailey had been almost raped in the gym that morning and that he had ended up staking a claim on his cellmate to keep Byron away. Then he told him about Bailey’s anger and how he had come on to him later in his cell and their almost fight. He asked Anthony what he thought he should do now that news was spreading. Anthony listened in silence and then he smiled gently. “You did a great thing for him this morning.” Dane flushed a little, unused to praise and said nothing. “I would take his attitude to you after it with a 32

And So Is Love pinch of salt. He’s keeping his defences up around you. He’s not used to having someone do something nice for him and he’s reacting the only way he knows how—offering you sex. I do think he likes you though and for the record, I think you would be great together.” Dane stared at him. “Anthony, we’re not…” Anthony only smiled again. “I know, but maybe you should. We all need some companionship in here.” “Anthony, I’m not that way, you know I’m not.” “Nobody’s that way when they come to prison. I’m not just talking about sex. You’ve been here two years, Dane, and you’ve never made a move to be anyone’s friend. Don’t tell me you don’t lie awake at night and wish there was someone there to warm your sheets. Just to lie next to so you don’t feel so alone. We all wish for that and you’re not any different. I know you’re not.” Dane shook his head, avoiding Anthony’s gaze. “Being lonely is part of the punishment for my crime,” he muttered. “Only if you want it to be.” Dane lifted his head. “I didn’t want your opinion on whether I should screw him or not. I wanted your opinion on whether I should let people think I’m screwing him,” he said stiffly. Anthony’s expression remained placid. “And I 33

Scarlet Blackwell didn’t give an opinion on screwing him. I gave an opinion on being his companion.” Dane sighed. “Okay, okay already.” “All right,” Anthony said softly. “Then yes, if you want to protect him, you should let people think you’re screwing him.” Dane nodded. “Fine. Thanks for your help.” He got up and left the cell. He was just in time for the dinner bell and made his way to the dining hall where he deliberately sat alone, not seeking out any company, while he allowed his thoughts to weigh heavily on his mind. Bailey entered the room and queued up in line and Dane watched him until he crossed the room with his tray and their eyes met. Then he averted his gaze and waited until Bailey went away. Bailey was already in bed, lying facing the wall, when Dane went back to his cell that night. He washed and brushed his teeth and stripped down to his boxers before he climbed up to his bunk. The lights went off and Dane closed his eyes and tried to get comfortable. He waited for the soft sound of Bailey’s breathing which would indicate he could relax and allow himself to sleep. It was a long time coming and despite the thoughts whirling in his head, Dane felt himself start to drift. A sound sent him quickly back to consciousness and he strained his ears in the dark, 34

And So Is Love disorientated and wondering where it had come from. And then he recognised it. It was the sound of soft, stifled sobbing. Dane lay there listening. It was very rare you saw or heard men cry in here, but it happened. It hadn’t happened to Dane, because Dane didn’t cry, or so he told himself. A few weeks ago he might have called down to Bailey and told him he was a pussy and he should shut the fuck up. Now, he had no desire to do that. He slid silently from his bunk to the floor and crouched by Bailey’s bed. Hesitantly, he reached out a hand and laid it on Bailey’s shoulder, finding the skin cold and soft as silk. “Don’t,” Dane said in a whisper. Bailey shrugged away from his touch immediately, shuffling as close to the wall as he could get and Dane remained crouched there, undecided, every fibre in his body screaming only one thing to him, one completely alien thing—to provide comfort. He lifted the corner of the blanket, exposing the lean spine of his cellmate and slid into his bunk, moving up close to him. He felt Bailey tense and shrink away again in shock as their bodies touched, naked back against naked torso, but Dane only moved closer so he was pressed right against him and put his arm over Bailey’s waist. Bailey’s sobs became choked. He was trying so 35

Scarlet Blackwell hard to stifle them, his face buried right in the pillow. Dane responded by allowing the palm of his hand to trace slow, soft circles on Bailey’s stomach, around and around, as though comforting a baby. “It’s okay,” he whispered, with his mouth almost against Bailey’s neck. Bailey’s shoulders shuddered. His breaths were soft gulps for air. He now cried almost soundlessly as though exhausted. Dane understood exhaustion all too well. “Come here.” He put his hand on Bailey’s shoulder, firmly turning him, not taking no for an answer. Bailey resisted a moment before he turned his head and Dane saw the streaks of tears on his face in the dim light coming from the guard’s station outside. Then his cellmate turned his entire body, coming to face Dane and before he knew it, Bailey had slotted himself neatly into his arms. The face against Dane’s neck left wetness against his skin and the cast on Bailey’s arm rested heavily against his back. Dane’s body went rigid with shock at holding a semi-naked man this way, but he lifted one hand regardless to stroke Bailey’s soft, unruly hair. Bailey’s throat continued to hitch with sobs and tears ran down Dane’s neck. His hands clutched at him. “I’m sorry,” he said brokenly. 36

And So Is Love “Hush.” Dane held him closer. Bailey’s skin smelled good. Fresh and clean like the ocean. He closed his eyes. Bailey’s legs tangled with his own and despite the fact that the body against his was weighty with muscle, so unlike a woman’s, the tension left Dane. He was warm and comfortable and for the first time in two years, he drifted away feeling happy.

37

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Chapter Five

T

he alarm followed by the lights going on jolted Dane into wakefulness. For a moment, he was confused, because he was usually always awake before now and more than that, he was in the bottom bunk with warmth and weight pressed against him. His eyes opened and stared into dark eyes a few inches away, his nose almost touching that of his cellmate. For a moment, the two watched each other while on the landing outside, hacks went from cell to cell encouraging those men who were reluctant risers. They were about to be discovered. Dane slid from Bailey’s arms and out of the bunk, standing up and grabbing some jeans to pull on over his morning wood. Bailey didn’t speak behind him, he just got up, too, and did that morning routine of his—the pissing and then the face washing and then he dressed in jeans which moulded to his pert ass and the black shirt which emphasized his firm 38

And So Is Love biceps and pecs. The cast on his arm had graffiti on it now; mainly swear words and offensive slogans about the hacks written by fellow inmates. Dane walked past Bailey without making eye contact and left the open cell. He could still smell his cellmate’s skin and feel the weight of Bailey’s body against his as he went down to the dining room. “So you’re a fag now, Faulkner?” sneered a voice from the nearest table as Dane stood in line. He turned with some surprise to look at Wilfred Walker, a guy who he had thrown down with more than once. After the last time, he had not expected Wilfred to say boo to him ever again, but obviously, he had strength in numbers that morning with a table full of his buddies and was feeling brave. Dane regarded him a moment. “Yeah, so if you want a turn with me, you’ll have to ask my boyfriend nicely.” He reached behind him and wrapped an arm around Bailey’s narrow hips, drawing him against his body. He felt his cellmate stiffen in surprise, but Bailey said nothing. There were cat calls from anyone in the vicinity who had heard the exchange and mutters of disgust which most men would not address to Dane’s face. Wilfred glared at him. “And how does that work?” he said in a revolted tone. “You’re top guy 39

Scarlet Blackwell or are you his bitch?” He jerked his thumb derisively at Bailey. Dane took his arm from his cellmate. He was hungry, but the thought of losing breakfast took second place to the sudden need to sate his frustration. He knew what sort of frustration it was—a hangover from the shower jerk-off of the other night, lust not sated—and his frustration always manifested itself the same way in this prison. The only way he knew how. He stalked across the room so Wilfred hurriedly stood up from his bench, the two squaring up to each other. “I’ll show you what it’s like to be someone’s bitch if you’re really interested, Walker,” Dane hissed into the shorter man’s face, eyes fixed stonily on his. Walker hit him first which only justified Dane’s actions. He reeled back, touched his smarting jaw in surprise and then laid Wilfred out over the table with a punch of his own, a punch which had knocked many men on this wing out before now. There was uproar at the table as breakfasts spilled and men scented blood. Someone grabbed at him from behind and Dane turned around and head butted the protagonist, sending him flying backwards with a broken nose. Meanwhile, behind him, Wilfred rose and tried his luck again. Dane threw him onto the ground and pounded his head against it, murder in his mind, the red mist 40

And So Is Love obliterating all rational thought. An alarm went off, running footsteps sounded and something hit him from behind, paralysing his left shoulder, so he snarled in pain like a wounded animal. Hands gripped him, threw him off Wilfred and face first on the ground, boots driving into his side and batons hitting his head. His arms were yanked painfully behind his back and he was cuffed and dragged to his feet, marched away by what seemed like a dozen correction officers. The last thing he saw was Bailey still standing in line, staring with wide, dark eyes full of fear. Fear he would get killed while Dane wasn’t there to protect him. Dane lay naked on the cold, dirty floor of the isolation cell, face turned to the wall, eyes staring blankly. He didn’t know how long he’d been there, but his stomach growled needily and his mouth was dry. He was bruised all over, not sure which were from his fight with Wilfred and which were from being restrained by the hacks and his ribs hurt when he breathed in. There was dried blood on his forehead and around his eye and a scabbedover wound in his hair. The fight hadn’t killed his anger but only incensed him. A good fight usually worked 41

Scarlet Blackwell wonders on his frustration, but not this time. His mind went constantly over the events of the last two days. Saving Bailey from Byron. Jerking off in the shower and seeing those dark eyes in the face below him. Sleeping with his cellmate in his arms and feeling so goddamn content. His fist clenched in impotent fury at his idiocy. While he was in here, Bryon would have Bailey. He would beat him and rape him and he would do it all to get at Dane. Dane had never had an Achilles’ heel while he had been in prison, but now every two-bit prisoner would fancy his chances now they knew Dane’s weakness. How had he allowed Bailey to become his weakness? How had his cellmate wormed his way so deep beneath his skin that he was all Dane could think about while he was lying here in the hole? Jesus, he had to get out of here. What if Bailey was actually murdered while he was in solitary? What would Dane do when he came out and found his cell empty and the soft night-time breathing absent from the bottom bunk? How would he ever sleep again? Panic overwhelmed him at the thought of the loss of Bailey and there was a tightness in his chest, a physical pain which hurt more than the pain of his broken ribs. Like he was having a heart attack. It was loss and longing and desire. He ached for Bailey like a part of him was missing. 42

And So Is Love He pressed his face against the cold ground and squeezed his eyes shut, praying to be set free. **** He was in the hole two days, which he judged by the meals which came and on the third morning, he had some clothes thrown at him and was ushered out, straight to the showers. He washed quickly but thoroughly, shampooing his hair and towelling it dry once he was dressed. He made his way out into the communal area, scanning the faces at the tables, his gaze moving over men playing cards, reading, watching TV or generally hanging around doing nothing. Bailey was not amongst them and Dane’s palms became damp, his spine crawling with fear. It must have shown all over his face because Anthony caught his eye and jerked his head in the direction of the stairs. Dane lifted his head and there on the first landing, standing outside their cell, was Bailey, looking down at him. Dane’s stomach lurched with some strange, indefinable feeling. His legs felt unsteady as he climbed the stairs slowly, trying to look casual to anyone watching while his heart beat so hard, he was sure it bruised his already battered ribs. Bailey moved before he got to the top of the stairs, disappearing into the cell. Dane reached the landing and turned to face the 43

Scarlet Blackwell cell and saw that his cellmate stood inside watching him. Bailey’s face was bruised, fresh blue bruises around his left eye and on his jaw. Dane hesitated a moment because his chest was full of emotion and he just knew he was going to do something stupid, something he shouldn’t be doing, which was only going to get him into trouble, but his heart wasn’t listening to his mind. It raced ahead of him already and made his legs stride purposely forwards. As he entered the cell, the intent on his face must have frightened Bailey, because the other shrank back, hands raised in defence as though Dane was going to hurt him. Dane ignored this. He took the smaller body hard in his arms and kissed Bailey fiercely. His cellmate gasped and Bailey’s arms went around him, one around his neck, the other with the cast around his back, holding tight. His mouth opened up to Dane’s like a flower to the sun and he kissed him back with surprising need and desperation. If Dane had thought kissing a man would be all about stubble and roughness, he was wrong. Bailey had a mouth like an angel. All soft sweetness and gentle tenderness. His hands held Dane with possessiveness as though he were a cherished prize Bailey had fought for and won. Dane couldn’t breathe. His mouth split from 44

And So Is Love Bailey’s and he gulped in air before Bailey grabbed his head and forced his lips back against his and Dane willingly kissed him again, pushing his cellmate against the wall, pinning him there and holding his body firmly against his own. Bailey panted and moaned softly against his mouth. He spread his legs as Dane forced one thigh between them and ground his pelvis deliberately against it. Dane broke free of the kiss when he felt the erection against him. He threw himself into the chair in the corner and sat there a moment trying to recover his scattered senses. He could probably have kissed Bailey all day...until he felt that erection and realised he was getting hard, too, in return. Something about that made it too real. He could have pretended the kiss was innocent without the fact of a hard-on spoiling the illusion. Bailey stood looking down at him with his luscious lips all swollen and suffused with blood, the bulge in his jeans obvious. And then he moved over and fell to his knees between Dane’s legs, sliding his hands around his back and dropping his face against his stomach. Dane looked down at the top of his cellmate’s dark head and stroked the soft hair gently as he had that night in his bunk. Bailey gave a soft sigh with his face buried and muttered, “Thank you, Dane. For that night.” 45

Scarlet Blackwell Dane didn’t say anything. He just swallowed and stroked Bailey’s head and tried to think clearly. Bailey lifted his head. He put his hands on Dane’s thighs and watched him in silence. Dane lifted a hand and allowed his fingertips to trail down the bruises on his cellmate’s face. “Who did this? Byron?” “Yeah.” Bailey averted his gaze as Dane continued to touch his face and Dane got an awful feeling in the pit of his stomach just from his cellmate’s body language. “Did he…” he stumbled on the words. Bailey’s eyes closed a moment and he turned his face away. “Don’t get mad, Dane.” Dane’s insides turned to ice. “So he did?” Bailey’s eyes turned back to his. They gleamed like dark pools of water. He gave a tight nod, biting on his lip. Dane bolted up out of the chair, but Bailey pushed him back down, hands on his shoulders. “Listen to me,” he said earnestly, hands sliding up to cup Dane’s face in his hands while he straddled Dane’s lap, sitting down facing him. “Whatever you want to do, don’t do it. I’m alive, aren’t I? I don’t need you getting in any more trouble because of me. I don’t…” and his voice broke suddenly, his eyes full to overflowing, “…want you to go away again.” 46

And So Is Love A lump in Dane’s throat, like an apple, almost choked him. He gripped Bailey by the hips and pulled him forward so the warm, almost familiar weight was against him. He buried his face in Bailey’s chest and held onto him like a drowning man.

47

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Chapter Six

D

ane went to the gym once he had coaxed Bailey from his lap and did as he usually did, thought with his fists. He pummelled the punch bag to within an inch of its life and brooded. His anger at Byron Watson’s actions almost overwhelmed all other thoughts, including what had just happened in the cell between Bailey and him. Was he allowing it to, so he didn’t have to think too closely about the fact he had just shared a kiss with another man? Byron. He was under no illusions that he had raped Bailey to fuck with Dane. It was a direct challenge, he knew that. It was no longer about Byron’s issues with Bailey’s sexuality. No, Byron had bigger fish to fry. What was Dane going to do about it? The answer was simple. He was going to slit Byron’s throat and play in his blood. Then he caught himself. If he murdered Byron, he would be here the rest of his life. Was that what he wanted, even though he barely thought far enough ahead into the future to contemplate his 48

And So Is Love release? No, he couldn’t kill Byron, so what could he do? Seriously maiming him would add more years to his sentence, too, but then again, they had to prove Dane had done it and which man in there would actually stand up and speak against him? His mind went reluctantly but masochistically to the crime itself. Where had Byron taken Bailey? Perhaps it was here again, in the storeroom where no one would hear his cries for help. He imagined Byron’s two sidekicks holding Bailey down just like before and wondered if Byron had used a condom or shot his filthy seed into Bailey. He visualised Bailey lying still and used over the table once the assault was done, with Byron laughing behind him as he fastened his pants. He hit the punch bag harder and harder until his arms ached and the sweat ran down his face. “Hey,” came a soft voice and he turned his head to see Nicol. “Good to see you back, man.” Dane nodded tightly and continued to hit the bag. “Stop a minute.” Nicol’s hand rested lightly on Dane’s bicep. Dane did so reluctantly, breathing heavily, wiping the sweat from his forehead with his arm. “I know what happened while you were in the hole. I presume this is why you’re down here pounding the shit out of the punch bag and pretending it’s Byron.” 49

Scarlet Blackwell Dane gritted his teeth. He was so angry that any words he spoke would come out as a furious roar and there were inmates all around looking with interest and just waiting for a juicy titbit. “He’s waiting for retaliation. Don’t kill him, man, he’s not worth it.” “I know that,” Dane finally snarled. “Does everyone know what he did to Bailey?” Nicol nodded. “It was in the showers. There were quite a few witnesses.” The showers. Dane might have guessed. The first place Byron had threatened Bailey. He had a vision of Bailey face first against the tiles while Byron crudely slicked himself up with soap. He felt so sick, he thought he would vomit. He stepped back and sank onto the bench behind him, glaring at two guys nearby who were watching and whispering. “Yeah and I bet none of those witnesses intervened, right?” “Anthony tried to do something, but Byron had five or six of his gang there and they beat the shit out of him.” Oh now it was doubly personal. Of all the men here, no one should fuck with the mild-mannered professor who had more morals than any fucking guy in this shit hole. “I’m going to kill him,” he said in an unsteady voice. “I don’t care what they do to me.” He stood. 50

And So Is Love Another thought stopped him and he turned back. “Did they take turns with Bailey?” Nicol looked awkward. “I don’t know.” “I don’t believe you.” “Really.” Nicol avoided Dane’s gaze. “I don’t know. Let it be, man.” It was lunch time and Dane made his way to the dining hall. There at the same table he had been at three days ago was Wilfred Walker, smirking obscenely. “How’s your little boyfriend?” he asked in a high-pitched voice. Dane regarded him and then jerked his thumb over his shoulder as Bailey entered the hall. “Ask him yourself,” he growled and walked by with his tray. Wilfred waited until Bailey had taken his tray from the window and left the line before he challenged him. “Hey, sweets. How’s your ass? I hear Byron Watson gave it the pounding of its life.” Dane dropped his tray to a nearby table and sat down with jaw clenched, mentally adding Walker to his list of people to kill. “You bet I did,” Byron piped up from two tables down before Bailey could reply. “That little bitch screamed for more. He couldn’t get enough of my juice in his sweet, little ass.” Dane lunged from the table blind with rage. 51

Scarlet Blackwell “Sit down, Faulkner,” drawled a voice instantly behind him, a strong hand catching his arm. “Unless you want to go back to the hole.” Dane turned and faced one of the hacks, one of the fairer guards in the place, a guy named Malone. When Byron was shouting about his crime for all to hear, why was he getting away with it? Dane dealt with Walker first. Using a nice little homemade blade Nicol had procured for him, he pinned Wilfred down on the weights bench he was using, putting the weapon right up to his left eyeball and nicking the eyelid just slightly to make his point so that Wilfred bled copiously and almost wet his pants. “You ever so much as breathe in Bailey’s direction again, I’ll blind you,” he told Walker with his face right up to his. “Got me?” Wilfred nodded as best he could without driving the blade into his own eye and Dane let him go. He glared at the hushed crowd, which had gathered, and left the gym. That left Byron Watson. People were talking about him in the recreation area. He slumped down in a chair and folded his arms, ostensibly watching the TV while his mind whirled. Someone took the seat next to him, a grotesquely bruised Anthony. Dane shook his 52

And So Is Love head. “I’m sorry, man.” “What are you sorry for?” Anthony asked lightly. “You didn’t do it.” “Yeah well, if I had kept my nose out and not felt sorry for Bailey, none of this would have happened.” “You’re the only person in this place who stuck up for him. He’s the underdog. He’s queer in a prison full of homophobes. Imagine how that feels, to have everyone against you just because of who you like to sleep with. Imagine being raped just because of your sexual preferences.” Dane didn’t speak. “For the record, whatever you want to do to Byron, I’m with you.” “Don’t ally yourself with me, man. You’ll be out of here before all of us if you play your cards right.” Anthony shook his head. “I don’t care. Whatever you need me to do, just ask. Bailey needs to be avenged.” Dane regarded him for a long moment. Was Anthony queer? Had he a little crush on Bailey? He saw a way to rid himself of his cellmate’s attentions for a moment. And then he remembered his own attentions towards Bailey and how he had been the one to kiss his cellmate first. He could hardly claim Bailey’s attraction to him was all one-way traffic any more. Not now. 53

Scarlet Blackwell

“Word is Byron starts work in the kitchen tomorrow,” Nicol murmured in Dane’s ear over dinner. There was no sign of Bailey that evening and Dane wondered at his absence. “There’s two hacks back there at lunch time while the rest supervise the dining hall. We can create a diversion. Two of Byron’s buddies work there, too, so it’ll be you against three. If things go to plan this evening though, one of those buddies might be absent tomorrow.” He grinned toothily, his teeth startlingly white. Dane glanced at him. There were clearly more people on his side here than just Nicol and Anthony. He didn’t know who they were, but he was grateful nonetheless. He nodded tightly and allowed his glance to stray across the hall to where Byron smirked at him with all the confidence of a man about to take a huge fall. He found Bailey back at the cell lying on his bunk, a book face down on his chest. “Are you okay?” He stood uncomfortably by his bed, remembering the feel of the soft mouth on his and the hard body sitting on his lap. Bailey nodded. “I have a headache. I went to the hospital for some Tylenol.” “I would have brought you some dinner back,” Dane offered. Bailey shook his head. “Not hungry.” His entire 54

And So Is Love body was tense on the bunk, his face pale and drawn. They watched each other a moment in awkward silence before Bailey burst out, “I missed you so much, Dane.” Dane sighed. He moved to lean back against the sink as though putting this distance between them would make some difference to the tension crackling in the cell. “Bailey…what happened earlier…I’m not sure…” He trailed off helplessly at the disappointment in Bailey’s eyes. “It’s fine that people think we’re together if that’s the only way to protect you from Byron, but…I don’t think we should extend it to real life.” Bailey swung his legs off the bunk and sat up. “You kissed me first,” he pointed out in a petulant tone. Dane bit his lip. “I was confused. Two days in solitary will do that to you.” “Oh?” Bailey asked smartly. “It’ll make you forget that you like girls rather than boys, will it?” Dane glowered at him. “Don’t make this any harder—” “And we know how hard it was, don’t we?” Dane flushed uncontrollably. His cellmate gave a sardonic smirk and stood up, approaching him. “I bet you thought of nothing else but me for two days while you were in the hole,” he said confidently, arrogantly. “At least, it seemed that way to me when you virtually 55

Scarlet Blackwell pounced on me as soon as you came out.” Dane shook his head. He put a hand on Bailey’s shoulder to keep him back, but his cellmate took no notice. He curled an arm around Dane’s neck and pressed him back against the sink, seeking his mouth. Dane turned his head away. Bailey’s lips pressed softly to his neck, covering it with heated kisses. Dane let out a groan. “Bailey…” he said and even as he tried to push him away, his hand went around Bailey’s neck instead and he held his cellmate close to him, eyes closed. The lips against his neck made him burn. His skin broke out in goose pimples and a heaviness settled in his groin, making him ache. He gripped Bailey by the shoulders and pushed him back before he left the cell. His mind was too busy to allow any sleep that night. Dane tossed and turned in the top bunk, terrible thoughts of murdering Byron warring with thoughts of climbing down to the bottom bunk and ravaging Bailey to within an inch of his life. He was tortured like never before. Not once in all his time here had he come close to sexual feelings for another man no matter how frustrated he was, so why now? Was this just the final culmination of his desperation? Would he really take anyone right now and Bailey just happened 56

And So Is Love to be the first pretty guy who caught his eye? Perhaps if he got Bailey to suck his cock like the guy had already offered, then the fascination with him would be at an end, along with his frustration. Surely these feelings weren’t running any deeper than lust? But they were on Bailey’s part. He might have offered to suck Dane’s cock, but now he was telling him he missed him. This was worrying. He didn’t want his cellmate to have some juvenile crush on him. He didn’t want anything to do with Bailey at all, so why was he constantly drawn back to him like a magnet? Why had he thought of nothing but him during every minute of his solitary confinement? Bailey had been right. He clearly knew Dane’s mind better than he knew his own. He remembered that mouth against his own again and how he had deliberately turned his face away that evening. Now that he knew what Bailey’s kiss was like, how could he ever refuse it again? He sighed loudly before realising he had done it aloud. “What’s wrong?” came Bailey’s voice below him from the dark. “Nothing.” “What are you thinking about?” “Nothing.” Bailey gave an exasperated grunt. “You’re the most frustrating guy I ever met. You’re cold and 57

Scarlet Blackwell distant and you act like you have no emotions, but you don’t fool me for a minute. You’re needy and desperate. It’s not wrong to admit that.” “Shut the fuck up.” “No. Come down here and make me.” Dane almost caught his breath at the challenge. For a moment, he saw the scene. Scrambling down off his bunk, pinning Bailey to the bed and taking what he needed. And then he remembered Byron had done just the same and it was enough to quell the flames temporarily. “Dane,” Bailey said when he didn’t reply and his voice was soft now. “Come sleep with me. I slept so well that night you held me in your arms.” Dane swallowed. The blood roared in his veins. When he jumped off the bunk, his legs felt weak and uncoordinated. As soon as he pulled the covers back, Bailey reached for him, pulling him close and Dane lay down, his head on his cellmate’s chest, listening to the slow, steady beat of his heart. He let the sound fill his head as they lay motionless in the dark together and knew it would never leave him for the rest of his life. Bailey stroked his hair. “Dane?” “What?” “How long have you been here?” Dane was surprised at this question. The fact that Bailey had never asked him this or anything 58

And So Is Love else about his crime suggested that he already knew the facts from someone else, but maybe not. “Two years, three months.” Bailey gave a soft sigh. “How many times have you had sex in that time?” “I already told you, Bailey, I’m not a fag,” Dane said defensively. “That wasn’t the question, I asked you how many times.” “None, obviously.” Bailey’s hand lifted his chin. “Does that mean I’m the first person in two years to kiss you?” Dane nodded uncomfortably. A radiant smile crossed Bailey’s face, an almost innocent, childish smile. “I thought so. I knew you hadn’t been kissed in so long.” Dane reddened, but he couldn’t stop his traitorous mouth asking, “Am I the only person you’ve kissed while being in here or is there someone else?” “Oh no.” Bailey’s fingers traced the curve of his cheek and ran across his lips. “There’s only you, Dane. Byron took my body, but he didn’t get my mouth.” Their gazes met intensely for the longest moment before Dane slid up and dragged Bailey into his arms, kissing him. It was no less incredible the second time. Bailey pressed him backwards, lying on top of him, one 59

Scarlet Blackwell leg between his, rock hard against his hip and his tongue sought Dane’s. Dane saw stars behind his closed eyes as he met it with his own and felt Bailey’s breath in his mouth and his hands lightly holding his wrists down by his head. This excited Dane way more than it should have. He flexed his wrists and was rewarded by Bailey tightening his grip, his belly sliding against Dane’s rigid cock, the friction agonisingly delicious. He let out a little moan, much to his shame, and Bailey broke his mouth breathlessly from his before he kissed his way down his neck, letting his wrists go. Dane held his breath as Bailey moved down his body, sinuously sliding his naked torso slowly down his cock so Dane thought he would blow at the pressure against his aching tool. Bailey’s mouth found one nipple, licking and tonguing before drawing it inside, sucking it stiff so Dane’s back arched helplessly and he grabbed at Bailey’s hair. His cellmate didn’t stop there, only carried his trek southwards, below the blanket. Dane felt his cock leaking as Bailey reached his stomach, pressing kisses on the line of dark hair which ran down to his groin before he mouthed his hard cock lightly where it rested against his belly through the thin material of his boxers. Dane shuddered and tried to stop Bailey’s 60

And So Is Love hands as they pulled his boxers down. But his cock sprang free, some of the aching pressure released and his protests went unheeded. Slowly, Bailey’s lips nuzzled Dane’s bush, moving onto his inner thighs before a warm, wet tongue swept over his balls. Dane jerked in shock. He gripped Bailey’s head and tried to pull him away, lifting the covers so he could see his face. “Don’t.” His voice was unsteady. “Let me.” Bailey stared up at him with his face ghostly in the dim light, his eyes jet black. “Let me suck you off. Please, Dane.” This was his worst nightmare come true. In his darkest moments when he had first arrived here, Dane had visualised himself having to become someone’s bitch or making some guy suck his cock in desperation and he had shuddered and prayed he would have the strength to never let himself sink so low. But now, looking down at the most beautiful thing he had seen in two long years, he didn’t see himself as sinking low, he only saw himself being satisfied beyond his wildest dreams and he didn’t see how he could resist. At that moment, Bailey held him by the balls, metaphorically as well as physically. He was utterly seduced, like putty in his cellmate’s talented hands. He tried to speak but couldn’t as Bailey gripped 61

Scarlet Blackwell him by the base of his shaft and opened his mouth wide, sinking down on Dane’s cock. “Fuck…” Dane moaned before he jammed his knuckles in his mouth. Oh God, it was ecstasy. It was everything he remembered and then some. It was the most perfect moment of his life. Those lips sliding wetly up and down his shaft and the tongue swirling around the leaking head of his cock and flicking deliberately over his slit drove him out of his mind. He lifted his ass, bucking his hips, almost choking Bailey who pushed him firmly back down and instead, Dane gripped the sheets and thrashed from side to side on the bed, his sounds stifled by his hand. Bailey upped the ante by cupping his balls, rolling them in his palm and then sliding off Dane’s cock a moment to suck at them, one after the other so Dane groaned. He spread his legs, holding Bailey’s head to his groin, his hand coming down to greedily touch himself while Bailey was busy with his balls. “Oh, that’s nice,” Bailey whispered as he lifted his head and saw Dane masturbating. “That’s so hot.” But Dane had spent two years doing this and as much as he got off on Bailey watching him, he didn’t intend to come by his own hand tonight. He guided Bailey’s head back to him and his cellmate willingly swallowed him down again. 62

And So Is Love He watched Bailey bobbing up and down on his cock, lips stretched wide, his hair hanging over his eyes. His cellmate fondled his balls again, squeezing gently before his fingertips stroked the sensitive skin behind them, making Dane jerk in surprise at how pleasurable it was. Don’t let him near your ass, he told himself with typical hypocrisy. It was okay to get your cock sucked. It was not okay to get your ass fingered or for you to touch him in turn. But Bailey didn’t attempt to touch him there, only contented himself with Dane’s perineum and balls and his inner thighs while every wet slide of his mouth along Dane’s cock set him further and further ablaze until he felt the exact moment at which he spontaneously combusted. He no longer knew he was in prison or that a man was sucking his cock. He was only aware of blistering ecstasy, a tidal wave of heat consuming his entire body as he jerked and shuddered fiercely on the bed as though electrified, helpless to stop himself from crying out. He came in a torrent into Bailey’s mouth, spurting endlessly until he collapsed back on the bed almost whimpering, his cock still dribbling as Bailey slid slowly off him. He felt his cellmate rest his head against his thigh and stroke his hip and Dane lay motionless as sleep claimed him. 63

Scarlet Blackwell

Chapter Seven

H

e slept right up to the morning wakeup call and woke up in Bailey’s arms again. A voice bellowed through the bars. “What the fuck are you two faggots doing?” Dane scrambled out of the bunk, falling on the floor and pulling his boxers up as he stumbled to his feet. Odell, one of the toughest hacks on the block, stood staring at him on the other side. The bars slid open and Odell stepped into the cell and into Dane’s face. “I’ve been hearing little rumours about the two of you,” the tall, middleaged guard with the stony grey eyes told him icily. “You know the rules about fucking.” Dane stared him down, saying nothing, his gaze not straying to look at Bailey who he could see holding the covers to his chest from the corner of his eye. Odell laughed odiously. “Funny, but I had him put in with you on purpose knowing he was a fag and wondering if you would either beat him 64

And So Is Love senseless or fuck him senseless. I see Byron Watson beat you to it though. Do you like sloppy seconds, Faulkner?” Dane lunged at him with rage overpowering every other sense of self-preservation, but before he could get there, he collided solidly with a warm, familiar body. Bailey was between him and the hack, holding Dane back with every inch of strength. Odell tittered with amusement and turned to leave the cell. “He saves you from a spell in the hole, how touching. When’s the wedding, guys?” Bailey turned to glare at him as Odell strode off, still smirking, then he glanced back at Dane. “Get the hell off me.” Dane shoved him away roughly, the red mist still consuming him, full of shame at being caught this way by Odell, memories of last night eating him alive. He hurried to dress, avoiding Bailey’s hurt, confused gaze. He needed to concentrate on his mission that morning, he told himself as he watched Bailey across the dining hall. His cellmate sat with Andrew, nodding as the other talked but volunteering nothing himself, his face sullen, shovelling oatmeal robotically into his mouth. Dane was supposed to be thinking about committing murder, but he couldn’t think of 65

Scarlet Blackwell anything beyond his cock in Bailey’s mouth. Jesus, he was getting hard just remembering it and his disgust for himself knew no bounds. These two opposite emotions warred within him until he thought he would go insane. “Michael McCartney’s in the hospital.” Nicol leaned close to his ear and murmured. Dane turned his head, trying to focus his thoughts. McCartney was one of Byron’s gang. Nicol had come through for him as promised. “Is that so?” “Yeah. Clumsy fucker slit his own throat while shaving...so I heard.” Dane clicked his tongue with a smirk. “Some people shouldn’t be allowed safety razors.” “No. Speaking of which, take this.” A hand rested on Dane’s thigh and a metal object pressed through the denim, the handle duct-taped. His hand slid over Nicol’s, transferring the shank to his palm where he slid it into the waistband of his pants, underneath his shirt. “Nice doing business with you,” he murmured around his coffee cup, looking over at Bailey again. Would today be the last time he ever saw him? Bailey had asked him not to seek vengeance. He had told him he didn’t want Dane to go away again. But Dane guessed his lust for murder was greater than his lust for Bailey. He was the biggest 66

And So Is Love fool that ever lived. Bailey made himself scarce after breakfast, taking himself off to the library for which Dane was grateful. He didn’t want to deal with the fall out from last night until he had fixed Byron once and for all. It required all his energy and focus if he didn’t want to get killed himself. He worked out in the gym until nearly lunch time and then he went to shower. Back down the corridor to the dining hall he went with the shank pressed against his waist and his hair still wet, ready to do murder. He tried to keep his mind deliberately blank. He didn’t want any sort of morals overtaking him now. He had once had a conscience before he came into this place, but this was what prison had done to him. It was either keep himself and Bailey safe or give himself up to the wolves. No one guarded the corridor, cons streaming into the hall and lining up for food and as Dane glanced around before ducking into the kitchen entrance, someone caught his arm hard. “What are you doing, Dane?” Bailey demanded in a whisper, his face full of anxiety. “You don’t need to know.” Dane tried to shrug himself free, avoiding Bailey’s dark, searching gaze. But Bailey hung on. “Please don’t. Not for me.” Dane took him by the shoulders and drew him 67

Scarlet Blackwell into the entrance. “Listen to me,” he said in a murmur. “He raped you to fuck with me. This is about revenge for myself, not you, I promise you.” Bailey shook his head. “I don’t want you to, this isn’t the answer.” “In a place like this, it’s the only answer.” Dane pushed Bailey bodily out the door. “Go.” Bailey looked back at him with despairing eyes as Dane turned his back, closing the kitchen door behind him. As Nicol had promised, there were no guards in sight. The first part of the vast room was empty save for a red-haired guy of about nineteen washing dishes at the end. The con stared at Dane uneasily, perhaps seeing the intent on his face. Dane glared back at him a moment, trying to impress on this boy’s mind the need for him to wipe his memory clean of ever seeing him here. No matter, this murder wasn’t going to be concealed anyway. If Dane got caught, he got caught. He stepped around the corner, past the storeroom and into the main area. One con was busy passing trays through the blind service window to inmates in the dining room beyond. Another two guys chatted over stacking leftover vegetables into plastic containers, but neither took any notice of him as he moved into the final section of the kitchen, where it led to the delivery doors. It was quiet here. On a sack of potatoes sat 68

And So Is Love Julien King, right-hand man to Byron Watson, scratching his balls and yawning. Opposite him, with his back turned, was Byron Watson. Dane grabbed King from the sack before he knew what had hit him, dragging him backwards and slamming his head against the metal workbench, leaving him unconscious. Byron turned around at the commotion. He merely smiled as he saw Dane standing there. “Well, well, well. You’ve been biding your time, boy. I wondered how long it would take you. I understand why you’re angry. That bitch of yours has the sweetest, tightest ass I’ve ever been in. I rode him like a bucking bronco and he cried for me to stop.” Dane stepped forward, his face like stone, withdrawing the shank from his belt. “Now, you’re not playing fair.” Byron looked unconcerned. “What’s wrong with share and share alike anyway? Why do you even care who has that whore?” “I already told you he’s mine,” Dane said from between his teeth. Why was he lowering himself to actually have a conversation with this man? But it wasn’t easy to psych himself up to stab someone in cold blood. “And I think you’re being unreasonable. No one has to die over some two-bit fag who hands his favours out to anyone. Least of all you.” Byron 69

Scarlet Blackwell smirked. Dane lunged forwards and took a swipe at him with the shank. Byron danced backwards, gripped a knife from the workbench behind him and cursed when the cable attaching it failed to stretch anywhere near Dane. Dane raised an eyebrow, stepping closer. This was going to be too easy, a totally unfair fight. He didn’t like it. “Oh dear,” Byron said. “I’ll have to use this instead.” He reached for his own shank from his sock. “Sharpened toothbrush.” Dane rolled his eyes. “Is that the best you can do?” He soon felt how sharp the shank was when Byron lunged forwards, stabbing him in the forearm and drawing the wickedly serrated edge through muscle and skin. Dane cursed, threw a punch, knocking Byron back against the bench, splitting his lip open. He moved in, gripping him by the collar of his shirt with his left hand while his other held the shank. His arm dripped blood all over the floor. Byron fought like an animal and they wrestled with each other, knocking over pots and pans which were stacked on the work bench, falling to the floor where they rolled in Dane’s blood. Both lost their weapons in the fight and used their fists instead. Byron was a strong, tough adversary and 70

And So Is Love he was also very good at playing dirty. He kneed Dane in the balls, laughing as Dane fell onto his back gasping and then he grabbed Dane’s own shank and stabbed Dane right through the left shoulder. Dane gasped, beached, almost too shocked to feel pain. He lay there a moment looking up at Byron who knelt above him with the shank raised in both hands, waiting to bring it down into Dane’s heart. Dane’s right hand fumbled on the floor beside him and his hand closed around the hilt of the sharpened toothbrush. As Byron brought the shank down with triumph in his eyes, Dane brought his arm up and stabbed the other con in the side of the neck. A torrent of blood immediately spurted from the wound and the shank fell from Byron’s grip as he clutched at his ruined neck, staring at his murderer in horror. Dane lay beneath him, watching as Byron bled to death, twisting and turning and finally falling back across Dane’s legs, gurgling sounds coming from his throat as the wound continued to pump blood. Running footsteps coming through the dining hall exit attracted Dane’s attention. “Jesus, fuck…” It was Nicol and behind him were Bailey and Anthony. The three of them dragged Byron away. Bailey 71

Scarlet Blackwell crouched over Dane. “You fucking prick,” he berated him. Dane grunted and looked back at the pool of blood on the floor and the dead body as Nicol and Bailey hoisted him to his feet. Dane did his best to hold himself up as Nicol and Bailey guided him towards the hospital wing with Anthony following. The murder was fairly successful. Self-defence, with the evidence right here on his shoulder and arm. No court in the country would convict him when it was his word against a dead man. His shirt was soaked with blood and the wound to his forearm left a trail of blood behind him. He turned his head to look at Bailey and he saw his cellmate’s face was pale, his jaw clenched. “You give the best blowjob ever,” Dane muttered under his breath and Bailey’s head whipped around, his eyes like steel, his expression fierce and Dane started to laugh. His legs buckled just as they got to the hospital doors and the last thing he remembered was still laughing as rough hands tossed him onto a gurney.

72

And So Is Love

Chapter Eight

H

e woke up many miles from the four walls he called home. The nurse leaning over him told him he was in Gregory General Hospital, which he knew was the place all cons went to when their condition was deemed too serious for the hospital wing of the prison. He had nasal prongs delivering oxygen up his nose and a drip running into his arm. His left shoulder and right arm were heavily padded. He was handcuffed to the bed by his left wrist and Malone sat in the corner. He acknowledged Dane’s waking with a nod. “Hey, how’re you feeling?” “Okay,” Dane grunted. He watched the nurse’s backside as she bent over to retrieve something from the floor. “Going to tell me who did it?” Malone stood and approached the bed. “I don’t know what you mean,” Dane replied nonchalantly. “I slipped and fell on a knife.” “Really? So you don’t know who killed Byron 73

Scarlet Blackwell Watson either?” “Watson’s dead?” Dane echoed. “Ah, what a shame.” He saw a smile quirk the corners of Malone’s mouth at Dane’s brazenness before it was gone. “It was common knowledge what he did to your cellmate.” Dane turned his head away with his jaw clenched. “Something could have been done, if Bailey had just spoken up.” Malone’s voice was softer. “Yeah right,” Dane muttered. “You and him, what’s going on?” Something speared Dane’s heart. “I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. Dane climbed the walls for a week in the hospital. He had no visitors. The crime he had been sentenced for had been a culmination of several brushes with the law and after a year visiting, his poor mother had lost the will to do it anymore. Dane had had a girl on the outside. She had lasted a few months before she told him there was someone else and she stopped coming. His liaisons with Bailey had been his first sexual contact in over two years and he couldn’t stop thinking about them. He couldn’t separate what was lust and desperation from what might have been something more. Surely he only desired 74

And So Is Love Bailey because he was there and he was making it clear Dane could have him, if he wanted him. It wasn’t as though he would have looked twice at a man on the outside. He hadn’t needed to. The women had always flocked to him. Since he had entered prison, however, the men had been more than interested. He could have had many men of his choosing way before Bailey and yet, he had resisted, so why now? Why was he so hung up on his cellmate? When he tried to sleep at night with the light from the nurse’s station shining beneath his door, he imagined Bailey lying between his legs beneath the covers, his mouth around him. He felt Bailey in his arms and against his mouth and he burned with the forbidden idea of taking him, just the way he wanted him. Taking him in a way which was so wrong. He thought about Byron, too. Despite all the trouble Dane had been in since he arrived in prison, he had never murdered another inmate. He had always known it would be a matter of time though. It was kill or be killed in this place. He may have gone there with the intention of killing Byron, but by the end of the scuffle, he had been saving his own life. It was self-defence. That was what he told himself, because he didn’t wish to dwell on his crime. His conscience hadn’t yet sunk to the level of some of the other inmates. He 75

Scarlet Blackwell had come into this place as an accidental murderer and would leave it as a cold-blooded murderer. When he got back to prison, it was another week in the hospital wing before he was deemed fit. Books and his iPod were sent from his cell, but the one thing he wanted above all from there was not. He was too afraid to ask if Bailey could come to see him and he knew what the answer would be anyway. The warden came to see him with questions about his injuries and about Byron’s death. Stewart Owen was a man Dane had had cause to meet numerous times during his stay at the state’s pleasure. He was firm but fair and always prepared to listen. Dane reiterated the same lies he had told Malone and Owen became cross and frustrated. “Are you sleeping with Bailey Lewis?” Dane regarded him laconically from where he reclined on his bed. “I’m not a fag warden. Who told you I was?” “I didn’t ask if you were a fag,” Owen countered. “I asked if you were sleeping with your cellmate.” Dane kept his gaze fixed on his. He knew the unsettling power of his piercing blue stare by now. “No.” “Okay. So you won’t mind if I move him out of your cell then?” Owen watched Dane’s face 76

And So Is Love carefully for a reaction, which Dane didn’t give, because he had had two years to hone truth and lies perfectly and he never showed emotion where emotion was expected. “Whatever,” he told Owen, while inside, he howled. When he was escorted out of the hospital and back to the main wing, carrying his possessions in his arms, he had already mentally prepared himself for Bailey to be gone, for another man to be sleeping in the bunk below him at night. The cell was empty and he looked around quickly, seeking familiar things, which would tell him if Bailey was still there. And there they were. Bailey’s facewash on the sink and his purple toothbrush. A book by Dostoevsky on his bed. Dane’s heart surged a moment and he had to hold on to the top bunk as relief flowed through him. He had a reprieve. He didn’t know for how long, but it was a reprieve nonetheless. Had Owen dangled the threat over him to fuck with him or was he actually intending to carry it out? Dane’s eyes fell on a white t-shirt lying on Bailey’s bunk. Glancing outside his cell, he picked it up and pressed it to his face. With eyes closed, he inhaled the familiar scent of his cellmate from the material. Oh Jesus, this was wrong, this was so wrong, but just the smell made him feel like he 77

Scarlet Blackwell was home. He let the t-shirt drop back to the bunk. “Hey,” a soft voice said behind him and Dane turned around with the blood roaring in his ears. Bailey stood behind him smiling affectionately. He stepped forwards at the same time as Dane and the two embraced each other fiercely. “Oh Jesus,” Bailey said against his shoulder. “I thought you were going to die.” Dane closed his eyes, savouring the feel of the body against his. His hand cupped Bailey’s head almost tenderly and he stroked his hair. “You shouldn’t have done it,” Bailey muttered, his voice muffled and his hands clutched harder to Dane’s back. “I don’t want to talk about it,” Dane said in reply. From the corner of his eye he saw Officer Odell climbing the stairs, a mean look on his face. As Bailey swooped in on his mouth, Dane stepped back quickly much to his cellmate’s evident disappointment. Odell reached the cell door. “If I have to tell you two fags one more time…” he began. Dane stared him down silently. Maybe he had killed the wrong person, because Odell was the biggest buzz kill ever. At dinner, he was openly stared at by everyone. The remaining members of Byron’s gang congregated at one table, muttering and glaring. 78

And So Is Love Julien King had evidently taken charge and rallied his troops and after having been almost brained by Dane, it was clearly personal. He watched Dane, his gaze following his every footstep. Dane didn’t get to speak to Bailey again until lights out. The two undressed silently and climbed into their respective bunks. The tension in the cell was palpable as the lights clicked off and darkness descended over the wing. Dane told himself he wasn’t going to climb into Bailey’s bunk. He told himself the need to feel his cellmate’s skin against his and his mouth on his was just the culmination of two years’ worth of sexual frustration. He knew he could not have a quick tumble with Bailey either to relieve himself because he doubted his cellmate would want it to stop at a one-night stand. He couldn’t lead Bailey on that way, so he needed to stay away from him altogether. “Are you asleep?” came Bailey’s soft voice through the dark. “No.” “Are you okay?” “Yeah.” “Will you come down here?” “I don’t think so.” “Why not?” Dane took a long moment to formulate words. “What we did…that wasn’t me. That’s not what I 79

Scarlet Blackwell do. I was…” “Horny?” Bailey’s voice was icy. “Yeah,” Dane admitted. “You needed your cock sucked.” “Don’t,” Dane said with a sigh. “Don’t what? And what was that today?” “What?” “You know what!” Bailey’s voice was a sharp whisper. “That hug.” “It was just a hug.” “Fuck off. You don’t just hug other guys, Dane. You think you fool me, well you don’t.” “I don’t really care what you think,” Dane told him coolly, defensively. “Obviously,” Bailey retorted. “Go to sleep.” “Go to hell.” “Stop being a dramatic little fag.” From beneath his bunk, Bailey punched Dane’s mattress and yelled angrily. This was followed by an immediate flashing of light into the cell. “Settle down in there!” “You fucking cocksucker,” Bailey growled under his breath. “No, that’s you, dude,” Dane replied lazily and turned on his side facing the wall. “I hate you.” He had succeeded in riling Dane now. “If you don’t shut up then, so help me God, I’m going to 80

And So Is Love come down there and give you what you’re asking for.” “Oh, so you’re a rapist, too, now, are you?” “It wouldn’t be rape,” Dane sneered. “You know what, Dane,” Bailey burst out and Dane heard the tremor in his voice. “Those two nights you slept in my bunk, I felt so safe and so happy that I slept like the dead. Both mornings when I woke up, I thought to myself, if I could only have you in my arms every night for the rest of my sentence, then I would be the happiest person in the world. It would have been worth going to jail for.” Dane lay motionless in his bunk. His throat felt tight and he swallowed. Sudden misery overwhelmed him. This was serious. This wasn’t about getting his cock sucked at all. There was way more at play here and he was afraid. He heard Bailey’s bunk creak as he climbed out and a moment later, a hand touched the back of Dane’s neck, fingers stroking lightly. He turned over just as Bailey put his foot on the lower bunk to climb up and he grabbed his cellmate around the back, dragging him into the bunk and on top of his own body, where he kissed him hard. Bailey groaned, falling onto him, hands gripping Dane’s head as they kissed. Dane pushed the covers back, held him close, knees bent and open around Bailey’s hips, mouth exploring his. 81

Scarlet Blackwell Their tongues met—a slow, sensual slide against the other before the kiss became feverish and desperate. Dane’s fingers hooked under the waistband of Bailey’s boxers and yanked them down and then did the same with his own. He gripped Bailey’s naked ass and pulled him closer, hard cock against hard cock, grinding his pelvis up into his cellmate’s. Bailey gasped at the friction and kissed him harder and Dane, who had never been so close to a man and never thought he would be, only held Bailey’s ass ever more firmly and rocked himself swiftly beneath him, getting them both off. Bailey moaned, breathless against Dane’s mouth. He used his hands on the bed above Dane’s shoulders to propel his body up and down, sliding along Dane’s body, their cocks jammed together. Dane’s hands wandered up and down Bailey’s muscular ass and the back of his thighs. Tentatively, his fingers reached between his cellmate’s legs and fondled his balls and Bailey squirmed in excitement, spreading his legs, crushing Dane even harder to the bed. Dane drowned below his glorious weight and the thick cock pressing against his own. “Jesus, fuck…” Bailey moaned out and he threw his head back, his back arched. Dane grabbed him by the 82

And So Is Love hair and brought him down to where he could mouth his neck, using tongue and teeth while his other hand squeezed and massaged Bailey’s soft ball sac. Bailey’s cock slid smoothly against his own, lubricated by the fluid leaking from each. Dane’s mind was on overdrive. He longed to touch Bailey’s cock but was afraid. He imagined taking it in his hand and jerking his cellmate off, sliding down his body so Bailey was over his face and taking his cock in his mouth. And worst of all, the thought which made him writhe with shameful excitement beneath Bailey, he imagined dragging Bailey astride his hips, gripping and spreading that tight ass with his hands and spearing him in one slick slide. He gave a strangled groan and bit Bailey on the neck as he came. Bailey growled in pleasure as Dane’s semen hit his own cock and he bucked his hips hard against Dane before coming to his own climax and collapsing on top of him. Dane lay there motionless. The weight of a man rather than a woman on him felt strange but oddly comforting. Bailey was like a corpse, heavy and panting for breath, his heart beating hard against Dane’s chest. Finally he shifted, rolling onto his side and laughed softly before stretching like a cat. Dane looked down at the fluid on his stomach. 83

Scarlet Blackwell Bailey leaned over and brushed his lips against his. “Don’t worry, I’m a gentleman,” he murmured, “I don’t leave my mess for other people to clean up.” He dropped from the bunk and took his washcloth off the side of the sink, rinsing it under the hot tap before moving back to the bunk. Dane lay still and watched as Bailey wiped away the semen from his stomach before he took his still half-hard cock in his hand and gently cleaned it. Dane squirmed a bit in sensitivity. He pulled his boxers up as Bailey moved over to the sink, rinsed the cloth and wiped off his own cock. Then he came back to the beds and climbed up into Dane’s bunk. Dane shifted over on his side to make room for him and put an arm around Bailey, drawing him into his body. Bailey settled against him. “Mmm,” he whispered and his tongue licked at Dane’s ear. “I didn’t know getting off that way could be so hot.” Dane smiled. His fingers combed through Bailey’s unruly hair. “Will you go to sleep now that I’ve shut you up?” he asked teasingly. Bailey laughed softly against his neck. “Yeah. Goodnight.” “Goodnight.” Dane closed his eyes and once again it was only happiness and contentment he felt at being close to Bailey. 84

And So Is Love

Chapter Nine

H

e was awake before morning call. Bailey lay curled against him, still breathing softly and for a moment, Dane watched the sweep of the dark lashes against his pale cheeks and the slightly parted pink lips. His hand slid slowly down his cellmate’s spine and back up again. He had a hard-on, which pressed rigidly into Bailey’s belly. Bailey stirred in his arms and his thick lashes fluttered. He opened his eyes and Dane stared into those endless pools of darkness. A sweet smile lit up his face. “Morning.” “Morning,” Dane replied, his voice hoarse. Bailey stretched, deliberately pushing his pelvis against Dane’s. “Have you got something there for me?” he asked coyly. Dane caught his breath as he felt Bailey start to stiffen, too. “I guess I have.” “Oh good.” Bailey reached between their bodies and grasped Dane’s shaft, stroking through his boxers. “Maybe you want to put it somewhere 85

Scarlet Blackwell else this time.” The blood heated in Dane’s veins. “Like where?” he asked cautiously as Bailey’s hand moved into his boxers and he became harder than hard. “Like my ass.” Bailey pressed his lips to his. Dane kissed him back with his mind whirling. He couldn’t. Bailey might think they truly had something going if Dane actually fucked him and if Dane fucked him, he would be a fag. He lifted his arm from behind Bailey’s back and looked at his watch. “We don’t have time,” he said quietly. Bailey twisted around to grab Dane’s wrist and look for himself. “We have an hour!” he protested. “Are you really going to take that long?” As if. Dane reddened. Five minutes would probably be the best he could manage. “I don’t want to rush it. I wouldn’t want to hurt you and besides…” “What?” Bailey propped himself on his casted arm, looking down at Dane, shadows playing over his face. “It’s not been long since…” Dane stopped. “I’m okay now,” Bailey said softly. “They didn’t hurt me too much.” They. There was the confirmation that more than one man had had Bailey that day. Dane found it hard to understand how Bailey could 86

And So Is Love want him when something so traumatic had happened to him only weeks ago. He shook his head. “I can’t.” Bailey watched him a moment before he spoke. “Yeah,” he said quietly in a tone of resignation. “I see.” He slid from Dane’s arms and out of the bunk before Dane could stop him. There he went to the toilet and started to pee noisily. Dane sighed. This was all for the best, he told himself. Bailey might have been hurt at Dane’s rejection, but he was persistent. He cornered him in the library later that day, coming towards him with intent on his face and pushing Dane back against the shelf. “I want to blow you.” Dane looked around, trying to protest, his hands trying to remove Bailey’s nimble fingers from the zip of his pants, but men rarely protest for too long when offered a blowjob and Dane was no exception. Bailey drew him free and sank to his knees, Dane growing steadily hard in his hand and then his cellmate smiled up at him before he swallowed him down. Dane cursed under his breath and held onto the shelf for support. They were in the far corner of the library, but he could hear soft voices from only the next row of books and a guard talking to an inmate by the checkout desk. If they 87

Scarlet Blackwell were caught, there would be trouble and Bailey would probably be taken out of his cell. The thought was not enough to stop him and he admitted to himself that the element of danger was getting him off just fine. Bailey’s mouth slid up and down his shaft, hot and wet. His gaze fixed on Dane as he flicked his tongue rapidly over his slit, sweeping away the fluid dribbling from it. Dane’s legs went weak and he drowned in his cellmate’s eyes. This seduction was carefully calculated. Bailey had one aim, to get Dane to fuck him. But to what end? What would he feel like he had achieved once Dane had fucked him? It wasn’t like they would be in any sort of relationship. Was that Bailey’s idea? He was uneasy, but hardly uneasy enough to pull his cock from the sucking mouth. Bailey was playing him once more. His cellmate was completely in control, as he had been since the moment he had arrived. Dane was suddenly angry. He gripped Bailey by the hair and his cellmate’s eyes widened in shock at the rough treatment. “Don’t think you can play me,” Dane told him in a harsh whisper. “You can suck me off till Christmas if you want. I’m not going to fuck you.” Bailey’s eyebrows drew together in a frown. He lifted his mouth free. “Why are you mad at me?” 88

And So Is Love “You know why.” Dane glowered down at him. “Finish me if you’re going to do it...before we get caught.” Bailey hesitated with his mouth hovering over Dane’s cock. Then he stood up. “Do it yourself,” he hissed and stalked away. Furiously, Dane tucked himself away and stood leaning against the shelf until his hard-on had subsided. Bailey was with Andrew when Dane made it back to the recreation area later, still angry and his cellmate threw him a disdainful glance as he walked past. Dane sat down with Nicol and Anthony and was dealt into their game of cards. His gaze strayed to Bailey as he glanced at the hand he had been given. Bailey leaned towards Andrew and said something and Andrew smiled in return. The two sat side by side and Andrew nodded, eyes looking down at the floor as Bailey spoke. As Dane watched, his cellmate’s lips seemed to actually brush Andrew’s ear and he rested his hand on his bare arm, fingers stroking. He glanced over at Dane, full pink lips quirking into a smirk. Dane’s hand clenched on the armrest of his chair. What the fuck was Bailey playing at? And more to the point, why did it rile him with ease? That fucking slut. He got up and threw his cards 89

Scarlet Blackwell down, then he stalked over to Bailey and bent down, saying into his ear, “I want to speak to you. Now.” He turned and walked away without waiting for a response. Leading the way up the stairs to their cell, he sensed Bailey following hot on his heels. As soon as his cellmate had entered behind him, Dane grabbed him by the shoulder and slammed him against the wall. “You fucking whore, no wonder you got raped.” He saw the shock on Bailey’s face a moment before his cellmate punched him. Dane reeled back against the sink clutching his jaw. As he went to grab Bailey, his cellmate hit him again, this time an open-handed slap which knocked his head into the mirror. Tasting blood, Dane shoved Bailey backwards against the bunks and lifted his fist. Bailey lowered his head and ran at him, grabbing him around the waist as he butted him in the stomach. The two fell to the ground grappling fiercely. “You fucking son of a bitch!” Bailey cried out, fists pummelling Dane in the ribs as Dane tried to hold him down. The body beneath his made Dane crazy with something other than anger. He gripped Bailey by the wrists and kissed him. Bailey resisted, turning his head away but he moaned overtly as Dane attacked his neck with his 90

And So Is Love lips, body writhing below Dane’s, half-fighting, half-consenting. Dane’s mouth found his ear, biting at the lobe and he felt Bailey shudder beneath him, lifting one thigh between Dane’s. Dane expected a knee to the balls, but what he got was Bailey deliberately massaging his hard cock with his thigh. Dane lost the plot. He let go of Bailey and slid down his body, shoving up his t-shirt so he could kiss his cellmate’s torso, trailing his lips down it from chest to stomach. “Fuck…oh God yes…” Bailey moaned, hands on his own belt, wrenching it open as Dane got to it. “I can do it, I can do it…” Dane unbuttoned his jeans, burying his face in Bailey’s crotch, mouthing his hard cock through the thin material of his boxers. “Oh please…” Bailey sounded like his desire was almost painful. He grabbed at Dane’s head, pulling his cock through the fly of his boxers with his other hand and Dane opened his mouth and swallowed his cellmate down. The hot, hard flesh in his mouth made his own cock twitch with need. Never in his life would Dane have imagined himself to be on the giving end of this in jail. A voice cried out inside his head in panic, telling him to stop, but he did not, he only braced himself on his hands on either side of Bailey’s hips and sucked his cellmate off for all he 91

Scarlet Blackwell was worth. Bailey squirmed under him, holding Dane by the hair, moaning loudly and it occurred to Dane then that they were on the floor of their cell in broad daylight where anyone could walk past at any moment. But that didn’t stop him. He reached down and unfastened his own pants, pulling his cock free. His hands worked independently from his brain. He wanted to be as close as it was possible to get to Bailey. He lifted his head and gripped his cellmate by the hips and when their eyes met, Bailey knew what was going through his mind without words. He cursed under his breath and scrambled onto hands and knees, dragging his boxers down, presenting a ripe, peach-like ass to Dane. The blood was like molten lava in Dane’s veins. He was pretty sure he was going to shoot his load right over Bailey’s ass without even touching it. He reached out to grab it with both hands, letting his cock rub against it and then he heard a voice behind them. “What the fuck…” Dane scrambled up before he could feel a baton across his back and Bailey did the same, both of them hurriedly putting themselves away. They turned to face Officer Malone and Dane felt overwhelming relief that it was not Odell who had caught them. Malone’s face was stony though. 92

And So Is Love “Faulkner. Come with me.” He gestured with his finger and Dane cast a despairing glance at Bailey and followed him out of the cell. Malone led Dane down the stairs and along the corridor to his office at the far end. There he told Dane to take a seat and sat opposite him. Dane did so, warily. “Dane,” Malone asked quietly, “what are you doing with your cellmate?” Dane fixed a piercing stare on him. “Well, Officer Malone, you know how it is,” he drawled nonchalantly. “No, I don’t. Why don’t you tell me?” Dane sat in silence. “If any other guard had caught you, you’d be in the hole right now, you know that, don’t you?” “Oh, I would have been in the hole all right if you hadn’t come along,” Dane muttered. Malone slammed his hand against the desk. “I’m serious. Jesus Christ, you were going to fuck him on the floor of your cell in the middle of the day. What were you thinking?” Dane folded his arms and glared. “We don’t condone same-sex relationships in this prison,” Malone continued, “but if they happen, I expect them to happen under the cover of darkness, do you understand me?” Dane nodded sullenly. Malone watched him a moment. “Did you commit murder for him?” 93

Scarlet Blackwell “I don’t know what you mean.” “Of course you don’t. What is this between you and him? A lot of people are talking. Is it sex or is it something more?” Dane turned his head away. “There’s nothing between me and him.” “So what was that I just witnessed?” “That was…” Dane groped for words. “Him being a whore and me needing to stick my dick somewhere.” Malone smiled slightly. “I’ve never found you a very good liar, Dane, even if others have. I’ve known you over two years and I’ve seen signs of frustration in you for a long, long time. I expected someone would catch your eye sooner or later.” Dane stared him down. “So you thought I’d become a fag in time?” “That’s not what I meant. I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but, Dane, I’ve seen this all before. Guys can only last for a certain time without needing something other than their hand. You won’t be the first and you’re not the last. Just…be careful, okay?” Dane held his gaze a moment and then he looked away. “Are we done?” he asked rudely. Malone stood up, eyeing him with irritation. “Get back to your cell.” Bailey sat next to him at dinner, too close, their 94

And So Is Love shoulders touching so Dane’s knife wound seemed to burn and pulse from the pressure of Bailey against it. Bailey’s hand rested on his thigh beneath the table. He leaned towards Dane’s ear. “Fuck me tonight.” Dane drew back. “Shut the fuck up, Bailey,” he hissed. “Please, Dane.” The hand squeezed his leg. “I want you so much it hurts.” Dane turned his head and met the impossibly dark eyes with his own. He started to stiffen uncontrollably. “I’ll do anything you want. Anything. I’ll fucking pay you to fuck me if you want me to.” Dane raised an eyebrow. “So now I’m a whore?” “No, I’m the whore. You told me so this afternoon.” Dane lowered his gaze. “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.” Bailey shrugged. “It’s true. I deserved what Byron did to me.” Dane’s jaw clenched. “We’ll talk about this later,” he said with gaze on his food and Bailey did the sensible thing and fell silent.

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Chapter Ten

L

ights out came quickly. Dane was first into his bunk and as he watched, Bailey stripped totally naked in front of him. He stood there for a moment with his cock half-hard and then he climbed into the lower bunk. His voice floated through the darkness. “Are you going to fuck me, Dane?” Dane sighed even though his hard-on was making a tent below the blanket. “Listen, about earlier. You didn’t fucking deserve that shit. Don’t speak like that.” “I was a whore outside, I’m a whore in here,” Bailey told him. “I was trying to make you jealous with Andrew today and I’ll keep doing it until you’re mine.” Dane was silent. He was both angry and unsettled. He heard Bailey slip from his bunk and move over to a bag he kept in the corner of the cell. He produced two things and held them up so Dane could see them—a condom and a tube of 96

And So Is Love lubricant. How the hell he procured these things in jail, Dane didn’t want to imagine. “Now then. Are you coming to my bed or do I have to come and get you?” “Jesus. Get back in your bunk. We might be less obvious down there.” He heard Bailey laugh softly as he slid back into his own bunk and Dane jumped down from the top, stripped off his boxers and followed Bailey into his bed. He silenced the voice that asked him in horror what he thought he was doing and he kissed Bailey with all the desperation which had not been sated that afternoon on the floor of the cell. Bailey clung to him, wrapping his limbs around Dane, pulling him down on top of him, moaning softly with desire through the kiss. Dane was possessed. This was the most exciting thing which had ever happened to him. Bailey’s body once more intoxicated him to the point of insanity. Poor Bailey. Dane was probably going to last about five seconds before he collapsed unconscious and Bailey had to get himself off. The skin sliding against his wound him up to fever pitch. This was finally it—he was going to do what he had always feared he would eventually do when he came here. He was going to do it and things would never be the same again. Bailey rolled over onto all fours without 97

Scarlet Blackwell prompting. He grabbed Dane’s hand and drew it around him, forcing his fingers around his cock so Dane jerked him off while he kissed him on the back of the neck. Bailey swayed against him, panting with excitement, deliberately pressing his ass back on Dane’s cock. Dane used his other hand to touch his ass, massaging the firm globes of his buttocks. “Fuck…” Bailey groaned. “Please, Dane…” He pushed the lube into Dane’s hand. Dane took it, sat back and banged his head on the overhead bunk, cursing. He squeezed some onto two fingers. Then he spread Bailey open to him. Bailey gasped as Dane rubbed the cold lube over his entrance before he pushed both fingers inside. He could have been a bit gentler and taken more time, but he couldn’t wait. If he didn’t fuck Bailey soon, he was going to explode. His cellmate was lucky he was even getting this first. He was firm with the fingers, moving back and forwards, twisting and turning and listening as his cellmate caught his breath and his hands clutched at the bed covers. He kept his fingers inside while he opened the rubber with his teeth and rolled it on one-handed. “Like that?” he asked in a whisper as he smoothed some lube over the condom. “Yes,” Bailey breathed, moving himself 98

And So Is Love deliberately back against his fingers. “Hurry, Dane, please, I need you inside me.” Dane smiled. He withdrew his fingers and positioned his cock between Bailey’s plump cheeks. He watched as he held Bailey by the ass and rubbed himself back and forth against his hole, watching as it fluttered and opened up with every pass. “Oh fuck, come on…” Bailey growled, pushing back, trying to impale himself. “Patience.” Dane smirked because as desperate as he was, this teasing was kind of fun and so fucking hot. He eased forward so Bailey’s entrance swallowed the head of his cock and as Bailey let out a gasp of ecstasy, he drew out again. “Son of a bitch!” Bailey hissed, glaring over his shoulder. “What the fuck are you doing? Fuck me already!” Dane smiled. “I’d put your hand over your mouth if I were you,” he advised and then he held Bailey hard by the hips and slid smoothly inside, right up to the hilt. While Bailey gave a strangled cry which he smothered quickly, Dane could not help but gasp in shocked delight at the tight warmth around his cock. Oh fuck, this was something else. No wonder some guys were swift to embrace backdoor love as soon as they got into prison. He started to move slowly, building his 99

Scarlet Blackwell rhythm, giving Bailey time to adjust, waiting until his cellmate was moving with him, moaning softly. His head kept banging the overhead bunk and it put him off his stride. He stopped and drew out and as Bailey opened his mouth to let out a torrent of abuse, he tossed his partner onto his back and pinned him to the mattress. Then he guided himself back to him. As Bailey lifted his legs and wrapped them around his back, Dane sank inside him. Bailey arched beneath him, his head back so Dane could kiss his neck. This intimate position drove him further out of his mind. He sought Bailey’s mouth and the two of them kissed wetly, hungrily as they moved together perfectly in time. Dane reached between their bodies to Bailey’s cock and jerked him off as he fucked him. “Oh Jesus…” Bailey blasphemed in a loud whisper. “Oh fuck, Dane…don’t stop…” The bunk creaked like crazy and banged against the wall. Their tongues danced together and sweat sealed their skin against each other. Dane never wanted it to end. He was blind to everything but Bailey beneath him. There was no prison, there was no getting caught and punished. There was nothing at all but this endless pleasure with this man who was rapidly becoming an allconsuming obsession. Bailey’s breath came in gasps against his 100

And So Is Love mouth. His hands clutched at Dane’s ass, urging him on faster and harder and then his head fell back and he started to shudder. Dane felt him tighten hard around him, his muscles clenching and he groaned in delight as Bailey milked him in waves before semen spurted over his hand. Dane hid his face against his lover’s neck, trying his best to stifle his sounds of ecstasy as he came explosively, the orgasm sweeping over him in a torrent, leaving him drained. He fell onto Bailey, motionless, completely spent. “Are you dead?” Bailey asked softly beneath him after several minutes. “Almost,” Dane replied against his neck. “That was something else, but can you get off me? You’re crushing me to death.” Dane huffed and eased free, falling onto his back. “Who says romance is dead?” he muttered. “Hey, I can do romance, come here.” Bailey put an arm around him and drew Dane into his side so his face was against his chest. He kissed the top of his head. “Fuck, you should carry a government-health warning, dude.” Dane laughed softly. “Is that so?” “Yeah. May cause death by orgasm.” Dane tilted his head up to look at Bailey and found his cellmate smiling down at him. He grinned and pressed a few light kisses to Bailey’s chest. Right now, he felt way too good to question 101

Scarlet Blackwell what he had just engaged in. He only wanted to sleep. They lay in companionable silence for a while and Bailey stroked Dane’s head, lulling him to sleep. He was drifting when Bailey spoke. “Dane, what crime did you commit?” Dane looked up in surprise. “You mean you don’t know?” “No. I’m guessing you’re a murderer. You look like a murderer.” “Thanks very much,” Dane responded dryly. “Yeah, I’m a murderer.” “Thought so. Who did you murder?” “A guy who I caught raping a woman,” Dane said quietly. “I was walking past an alleyway and I heard this noise and there was this guy climbing off this woman fastening up his pants and she was lying there crying, legs open, her head bleeding. I grabbed hold of him as he tried to run away. I dragged him off the fence he was trying to climb and got him on the ground. I smashed his head against the concrete.” He paused. “I don’t think I meant to kill him. Maybe I did. I got off with manslaughter anyhow.” “Jesus Christ,” Bailey protested, “you should have got off with a fucking medal.” Dane shrugged. “I took his life.” “How long did you get?” “Ten years. Not bad considering it wasn’t the 102

And So Is Love first time I’d been in trouble. Less than four left until parole.” Bailey’s sentence was four years, he realised for the first time. If his cellmate didn’t get early parole and Dane did, they would be out at the same time. Bailey was silent. His hand stroked Dane’s back. “Yeah, well, I might be here longer than you if my victim dies.” Dane turned his gaze up to his lover, frowning. “He was on life-support at the time of my trial. My sentence will change to manslaughter if he dies.” “Fuck,” Dane said softly. “C’est la vie,” Bailey responded. “I should have learned by now not to hit guys who call me a fag.” Dane didn’t speak. He only put his head back against Bailey’s chest and let his fingertips trail over the curve of his cellmate’s clavicle. In the silence, Bailey spoke up again. “I love you, Dane.” Dane froze, too stunned to formulate a response. As he lifted his head, he saw a light playing over the floor outside the cell, coming up the stairs. He launched himself from the bunk, scrambling up to his own just as the flashlight shone inside and he saw Odell’s face behind it. “Not asleep, boys?” the guard questioned. “Haven’t you worn yourselves out yet?” 103

Scarlet Blackwell “Just waiting for you to leave so we can get to it,” Dane responded through his teeth. “Unless you want to stay and watch?” Odell banged his torch on the bars of the cell in fury and stalked away. The light faded down the landing and silence fell once again. “Come back down,” Bailey said softly below him. “Better not,” Dane replied quietly. He lay on his side staring unseeingly through the bars with the words eating him alive. “Are you mad at me?” “No. Go to sleep.” Bailey sighed and guilt lodged in Dane’s breast. His cellmate’s hand appeared over the edge of his mattress, the fingers slender and graceful. Dane watched Bailey’s hand travelling over the covers a moment, seeking his and then he put his own hand over it. Their fingers entwined, stroking each other’s gently. Dane leaned over and pressed his lips to the back of Bailey’s hand. Then he lay down and holding his cellmate’s hand in his, he fell asleep. The next morning was awkward. Dane remembered the sex and the declaration which came after and he was embarrassed and confused. He was monosyllabic as the two men dressed for breakfast and he paid no attention to his 104

And So Is Love surroundings until a hand stopped him as he carried his tray to a table. He looked down at the table to see Julien King barring his way. Of course, he thought, because Byron’s cronies were not going to just fade away. “You have to answer for Byron, you know that, don’t you?” the con demanded. Dane stared him out coolly without replying. “And I hope you’re watching that little boyfriend of yours, too.” Julien grinned and the rest of his cohorts cackled. Dane’s face turned ever more stony. “Do what you want to me,” he said in a deadly tone. “If you touch him, I’ll rip your heart out and eat it.” Julien smirked. “Promises, promises.” He took his hand away so Dane could pass. Dane sat down next to Nicol with his tray and tried not to look at Bailey as he sat opposite him. This had to stop. They were going to use Bailey to get to him and he couldn’t bear it. He had to finish it with Bailey and make sure everyone knew that they were over and thought Dane didn’t care if he lived or died. He had to protect him at all costs, even if it meant breaking his own heart into the bargain. Dane chose the laundry room to start a fight later that day after avoiding Bailey since breakfast. The door was open and outside in the recreation 105

Scarlet Blackwell room, Julien and his cronies sat playing cards. He squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself when he felt a hand on his shoulder and a soft voice saying his name. “Don’t,” he said, shrugging away. “What’s wrong?” Bailey’s face was aggrieved, his brows drawn together in a frown when Dane turned around to look at him. He set that carefully blank expression on his face and gave Bailey his rehearsed speech. “I feel better since I got laid last night. I just needed to release the tension. I don’t want you thinking it’s the start of something, because it’s not. I’m not a fag and I won’t be touching you again.” Bailey’s lips drew together into a thin line. “How much longer are you going to carry on denying what’s between us? Every time you touch me, you give yourself this fucking guilt trip and then you’re back in my bed quick as you can. I don’t buy it. I know how you feel about me. I feel it in your body when I kiss you.” Dane shook his head. “I don’t give a shit about you. I like it when you’re down there sucking my cock or when you’ve got your legs open, but you could have been anyone. I’ll fuck anyone at the moment. I’d probably fuck Odell if he bent over for me. You weren’t anything special, don’t think you were.” The anguish on Bailey’s face drove a stake 106

And So Is Love through Dane’s heart. His cellmate’s eyes glittered with tears and he turned red with fury. “You’re lying!” he yelled, pushing Dane backwards against the washing machines. Over his shoulder, Julien King and his cronies had been attracted by Bailey’s loud voice and were now watching intently. Steeling himself, Dane pushed Bailey away. “Get your fucking fag hands off me,” he said in disgust. “I already told you, dude, I’m not interested in anything you’ve got to offer.” “You cunt,” Bailey spat at him, swinging his fist. Dane ducked and drove his fist into Bailey’s stomach, winding him and sending him staggering backwards. He followed it up by grabbing his cellmate in a headlock and punching him in the ribs. Bailey flailed at him, his fists flying, striking Dane everywhere he could reach, true venom behind his blows. The two crashed to the ground, continuing their fight there, before there was the sound of running footsteps and two guards piled into the room, dragging Dane away, one of them striking him on the back with his baton. He was hoisted to his feet, arms pinned behind his back and shoved forwards. He cast one last glance at Bailey who was lying on the ground with his mouth bleeding, hatred in his eyes. As Dane was marched from the room, he saw he had 107

Scarlet Blackwell done his job well and he had Julien King and his cronies’ attention. Maybe they would be uninterested in wasting their energies on Bailey now while Dane was away.

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Chapter Eleven

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ane had three days to think while he was in the hole and he ground his teeth in horror when he thought of the physical blows he had rained on his lover and the bruising, despicable lies he had spat at him. Never had he hated himself more. He wasn’t so sure Bailey would be safe after all. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to go. Getting rid of Bailey didn’t mean an enforced absence for himself where he couldn’t protect his cellmate. This whole venture had been pointless. It would have been better to offer himself up for slaughter to Julien King, exacting a promise that Bailey would remain unharmed. He could do that when he got back. His life was worth little enough as it was. Every day he survived was a bonus in this place where you could get a shank in your back at any moment. He was less than a quarter of the way through his sentence and still four years from a parole hearing. 109

Scarlet Blackwell The possibility of a life outside of these four walls seemed unreal. The only thing at all which had any meaning in his life at the moment was Bailey. As much as he told himself it wasn’t feasible or right to be with his cellmate, he climbed the walls without him. He remembered his touch and his taste and being inside him and thought he would go insane with his need. He didn’t know what he was going to do other than sacrifice his own life for Bailey. He came out of solitary on edge with his nerves fraught, glaring back at anyone who dared look at him as he took the stairs hurriedly to his cell and the man he had cruelly rejected. But Bailey wasn’t there although his things were still in the cell. Dane went out and stood at the railing, looking down into the recreation room, searching for his cellmate and failing to find him. Coming up the stairs was Anthony. He came around to Dane with a smile and hugged him much to his surprise. “Where’s Bailey?” Dane asked anxiously, moving back. “In the hospital.” Dane closed his eyes, his knuckles white on the railing. “What happened?” “Someone got him in the library. Stabbed him in the back.” Dane bent his head, biting his lip hard. “What have I done?” he muttered. He straightened up as 110

And So Is Love Julien King walked by downstairs, smirking. The ploy to pretend Bailey was nothing to him had backfired spectacularly. All it had done was get his cellmate nearly killed. **** Bailey was away from the prison in Gregory General for two weeks. Dane’s request to visit him was denied. He bided his time with Julien King, waiting for the right moment. That he had to kill the other man was inevitable. If he didn’t, Julien would finish the job on Bailey when he came back. First, he tried the non-violent option though. He cornered Julien in the kitchen. “Look. I already told you, you can have me. Just leave him the fuck alone.” Julien cocked his head, regarding him with steely, grey-green eyes. “How can we have you, Dane?” he enquired sweetly. “Whatever you want,” Dane said through a clenched jaw. Julien smiled. “So you’ll suck my dick?” “You really wouldn’t want to get your dick anywhere near my mouth. My teeth are sharp.” Julien clicked his tongue. “So what will you do for me?” Dane regarded him. “You wanted me to pay for Byron. Make me pay, but only me. Bailey has 111

Scarlet Blackwell nothing to do with it.” Julien cackled. “But it’s so much fun hurting him and then watching your traumatised little face when you find out.” Dane lunged at him and punched him, blood spraying from the other con’s broken nose as he fell to the ground. “Break it up!” came a yell and three hacks came running over. It was Malone who escorted Dane back to his cell, shoving him through the door roughly. “What the hell’s wrong with you?” he demanded. “You just got out of the hole. Do you want to go right back?” “That son of a bitch put Bailey in the hospital,” Dane snarled, stalking across the cell and slamming his fist against the wall. “We have no proof about that.” “He fucking did it, he just told me he did and when Bailey comes back, he’s going to fucking kill him. What are you going to do about that, Malone?” Malone regarded him. “Put him in protective custody,” he replied after a moment. Dane turned away. He lowered his head and leaned against the wall as his heart constricted within his chest, a world of hurt radiating out across his body, splitting it open from the inside out, spilling his misery into the atmosphere and 112

And So Is Love poisoning the very air he breathed. Malone came for Bailey’s things the next day. He packed up all his clothes and books and toiletries and stripped his bunk and then he turned to look at Dane who sat in the corner watching. “He’s coming back tomorrow. He’ll be in Block B.” “How long for?” Malone sighed. “I don’t envisage him coming back, Dane. How can he?” Dane didn’t say anything because Malone was right. When the guard had gone, he sat there for a long time on his chair in the corner brooding. He felt empty inside, just like he had been before Bailey had arrived. For the briefest time he had come to life. He would never allow himself to feel that way again. He reached beneath the top bunk and worked a spring free from the mattress. Julien never saw it coming. One moment he was chopping carrots in the kitchen, the next the sharpened bed spring was embedded in his abdomen up to the hilt. Dane left it in and strolled out, not much caring whether he got caught or not. As it was, the only people to see him exit the kitchen were prisoners and no one spoke up against him. He was dragged to the warden’s 113

Scarlet Blackwell office and questioned and denied everything. Then he was thrown into the hole for a week. While he was there, he took a good look inside himself and was horrified at what he had become. The blood of three men stained his hands, two murders he had coldly premeditated, a third he had committed on the outside. How exactly was he supposed to live with that fact? He felt numb and empty and resentful over the reason he had acted this way on the inside. Then memories of Bailey overwhelmed him and he wished Julien had killed him first so he didn’t have to know the pain of the loss he had suffered and how it would live with him every day until he died.

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Chapter Twelve

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ane had never been lovesick in his life, but those months which followed Bailey’s departure saw him an anorexic insomniac, wasting away to a shell of his former self. He was out of his mind with grief and he castigated himself constantly for his handling of the situation and blamed himself for Bailey’s loss. Bailey had loved him. He had loved him. And Dane had thrown him away. He plotted constantly about ways he could get into Block B to see him and then he just as soon dismissed the idea because with no word from Bailey for all this time, then surely Bailey was done with him, hated him for those words he had spoken the last time they had seen each other and Dane could not blame him. Julien was dead and after an initial investigation and threats of being tried for murder, the charges were dropped and one more prisoner’s death was allowed to slide. Julien’s gang wasn’t so tough with both Byron and him 115

Scarlet Blackwell gone and there were no immediate retaliations. For the first time in a long while, Dane was left alone. **** After seven months, an opportunity finally presented itself and Dane, against his better judgment, took it. There was a job going in the library. This job involved visiting other wings, offering books to the prisoners in the rest of the prison and the warden could not deny him because Dane had been in no trouble in months. It was Christmas Eve when he pushed the cart of books into Block B. He had chosen a mixture of books himself, most of it low-level pulp novels to appeal to the intelligence level of the average con. Hidden inside a copy of Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë which stuck out like a sore thumb, was a letter he had written to Bailey. In it, Dane begged his forgiveness and tried to explain why he had been so cruel to Bailey and how he had meant none of it. He kept this book hidden on the very bottom shelf of the cart in case another prisoner wanted it. The wing was quiet. It was after dinner and all the inmates were locked in their cells pending lights out. The wing was a medium security one, unlike the maximum level of Dane’s own and 116

And So Is Love privileges were greater. Dane walked along the line of cells, offering books, ignoring blatant comeons from some of the prisoners who found him attractive and swearing at others who abused him. He saw Bailey from four cells away and his heart hammered furiously, his palms damp. Bailey lay motionless on the bottom bunk, his head right there against the bars so one could reach through and touch it. Dane continued to work his way up, passing books to prisoners with trembling hands until he stopped right outside Bailey’s cell. Bailey’s face was hidden, pressed into the pillow, his arms above his head, the cast now gone, a large scar down his left forearm. Dane halted with the cart and then he bent down so he was on a level with Bailey’s bunk, his hand inches from his former lover’s. His voice was unsteady when he spoke. “Do you want a book?” His fingers brushed Bailey’s infinitely softly. Bailey’s head snapped up. He stared at Dane. He looked different. He was pale and there were dark circles under his beautiful eyes. He seemed to have lost weight. His mouth opened and instead of the declarations of love that Dane had fantasised about when this moment came, reality was all he got. “No, I don’t want a fucking book. Get the fuck out of here.” 117

Scarlet Blackwell “Bailey…” Dane’s hand encircled a slender wrist. Bailey snatched it back and sat up, out of Dane’s reach. “I said fuck off!” Dane reached down to the bottom of the cart and drew out the copy of Wuthering Heights. “Take this one,” he said quietly. “I read it at school. It’s very good.” “I don’t want it. Go to hell.” “Please.” Dane placed the book on Bailey’s bunk before he turned away, pushing the cart. “Shove your book up your ass,” Bailey cried and Dane heard a thud on the ground behind him. He turned around to see the book lying some distance from Bailey’s cell and there a few feet apart from it was the letter, a crisp white A4 sheet folded into four. As Dane hovered, seeing a hack approaching from the opposite end of the corridor and mortified that the letter might be discovered, Bailey saw it, too. Dane saw the sudden look in his eyes, the spark of emotion and a moment later he was on hands and knees, arm thrust desperately through the bars, reaching for the letter. Dane quickly pushed his cart back so he blocked the view of Bailey reaching between the bars from the approaching hack and then he picked up the copy of Wuthering Heights and stood up. 118

And So Is Love Bailey’s clutching fingers had retrieved the letter. He thrust it down his pants just as the hack reached his cell. “Are you throwing books around, Lewis?” the hack demanded of Bailey. “No, sir, I dropped it,” Bailey responded and he reached out for the book. Dane handed it to him. Their fingers brushed. There were tears in Bailey’s eyes. He retreated abruptly from the bars and sat down, clutching the book to him. “Happy Christmas,” Dane murmured. He turned and walked away, the hack following him. When he glanced back, Bailey was reading his letter. **** It was eight o’clock on New Year’s Eve when Dane pushed the cart along the cell block with that same trepidation, both excited and afraid. Bailey was in the same position, lying face down with his head almost against the bars. Dane glanced around before he bent down and touched his former lover’s hair gently. Bailey’s head jerked up. He thrust his arm through the bars and around Dane’s neck. Dane got quickly onto his knees, his arms encircling Bailey’s back, pulling him against the bars. Their 119

Scarlet Blackwell mouths met awkwardly through the gap and they kissed desperately for long seconds before a voice shouted from behind Dane and a baton rapped on the bars. He drew away reluctantly, leaving Bailey reaching a hand out to him. Dane took it, their fingers holding tightly for a moment. “Happy New Year.” “Happy New Year,” Bailey replied with a radiant smile on his face as Dane turned and walked away. Dane’s emptiness and despair turned into yearning and fantasising. Bailey still loved him. They might have been separate, but they were together. He could no longer deny the demands of his own heart. He was taken off the library run, the warden telling him he had been spoken to regarding Dane liaising with other prisoners. “Prisoner, singular,” Dane said sullenly, hardly helping his case. Somehow, Bailey smuggled a letter to him two weeks later. It was on pink paper, written untidily in red ink. Dear Dane Thanks for your letter. I hated you for such a long time after what happened. You rejected me and got yourself put in the hole and then I almost died. When I 120

And So Is Love came back, I was told I was being transferred for my own good and I thought you’d instigated it because you didn’t want me anymore. I know now that everything you did was for me and I know that you love me, even though I don’t expect you’ll ever say it. I’ve been lucky to find a man like you in the last place I would have ever looked and I want you to know, I’ll wait for you as long as it takes, I swear. I love you. Bailey. Dane’s chest was tight when he finished reading. He folded the letter and put it inside a book and then he lay down on his bunk. He hid his face in the pillow and cried for the first time since he had been sentenced.

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Chapter Thirteen

T

he man who smuggled letters to and from Dane and Bailey for the next year was a petty crook named Simon Easton, convicted of robbery and sentenced to three years. He worked in Block B in the factory which made clothes and he was able to get access to Bailey at least twice a week. Bailey’s letters often didn’t have any news to impart. They only spoke about his memories of Dane and the last night they had spent together and his plans for the two of them when they got out. Dane thought Bailey was a dreamer. How could the two of them ever be together on the outside, when they had forged this relationship under the most desperate of circumstances, when Dane wasn’t even gay? Bailey would more than likely get out a year or more before him anyway and was Bailey really going to wait around once he rediscovered the outside world? No he wasn’t and neither would Dane in the same situation. But it was the only thing which Dane could cling to, 122

And So Is Love the letters the only thing in his whole world to anchor him down and keep him going. Bailey wrote the following October that the man he had assaulted had finally woken up from his coma and so the threat of a charge of manslaughter had hopefully gone. Dane lay on his bed reading this news and thought that if the man had died, more years would have been added to Bailey’s sentence and maybe that would have meant them getting out at the same time instead of Bailey getting out first. Never had he hated himself more in his life than for this thought. What was wrong with him? That was the nature of his love for Bailey? Wishing more prison time on the man so that he wouldn’t leave Dane alone? He told himself he must stop writing to Bailey before he destroyed his life. It would be wrong for Bailey to be released and then have to keep coming back here to see him, to hang onto the hope that Dane was going to be released when on the outside. Dane would be too chicken shit to be with him anyway. He stopped writing. Bailey’s letters became desperate. He asked Dane what he had done wrong and if he was okay and implored him to write. He told Dane he was dying without him. It was almost a year now since they had last seen each other, almost two since Bailey had once shared a cell with him. Dane was clinging to a 123

Scarlet Blackwell dream, a memory. He wrote back to Bailey finally and told him it was impossible that they could ever be together and he did not want Bailey to wait for him when he got out. Bailey only responded in a flood of characteristic emotion. He wrote, I will love you until the day I die and I will wait the rest of my life for you. After this letter, Simon was transferred to another work detail and the letters stopped. Malone caught up with Dane a week later and asked him into his office. He perched on the edge of the desk as Dane sat uncomfortably before him. “I wanted to speak to you about your depression and what we’re going to do about it.” Dane flushed and looked away. Malone sighed. “Dane, I turned a blind eye to those letters for as long as I could. It was Odell who caught Simon Easton. I couldn’t do anything about it.” Dane turned his gaze back to him in astonishment. “You…” he began. “I don’t understand why you would…” Malone shrugged. “I don’t either. I don’t believe in it, Dane, but I can’t deny what I saw between you two with my own eyes. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” Dane focused on the hands twisted in his lap. He swallowed. “It must hurt.” 124

And So Is Love Dane looked up. “It hurts,” he affirmed. “I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.” Malone leaned over and rested his hand on Dane’s shoulder. “Why don’t I take you along to see the doctor?” he asked quietly. The doctor, a kindly man in his fifties gave him pills as Dane had known he would. Pills which calmed him, dulled the pain and made him sleep at night. They didn’t make him forget though, which was what he wanted the most. **** It was another month before Malone came into the recreation room and barked, “Faulkner, my office now.” Dane tossed his book down in irritation and followed Malone, wondering what trouble he was in now. Malone led him down the corridor and right past his office, however. Frowning, Dane didn’t say anything until they reached the deserted kitchens. He was suspicious of anything and everything—one had to be when they were in this prison and now his mind rang alarm bells. Malone was going to have him killed. Julien King’s depleted gang was finally calling time. He stopped and held onto the door frame. “Where the fuck are you taking me?” he 125

Scarlet Blackwell demanded belligerently, glancing around, seeing no one waiting in the shadows. Malone turned back to look at him. “You need to trust me on this one, Dane. Now, turn around and let me cuff you.” “What?” Dane demanded sharply. “You going to kill me, Malone?” Malone raised a sarcastic eyebrow. “Kill you? You’ve been watching too much Oz, man. You’re a snarky son of a bitch, Faulkner, but I never had the urge to kill you. Now, do as you’re told. We’re going outside and if you escape, it’s my ass.” Dane stared at him. What the fuck was going on? He turned around and presented his hands, allowing Malone to cuff him and then he walked in front of the guard when he was pushed. Malone unlocked and threw the back door open. Now Dane was perturbed as he faced the outside world in the form of the parking lot and the trailers which lined it. He knew what the trailers were, he had gone past them on his way back from trips to the hospital and he had heard lurid tales from inmates about the conjugal visits they shared there. It wasn’t something Dane would ever be experiencing and he had always been jealous of the men who came back with huge smiles on their faces from seeing their loved ones and being sexually satisfied. 126

And So Is Love He stepped out of the prison at Malone’s prodding. The December air was frigid and a light snow fell. Dane turned his face up to it and let the snowflakes caress his face and fall into his mouth. For a moment, he was happy and he forgot. Malone gestured him forwards and they crossed the parking lot, moving towards the trailers. The apprehension ate at Dane’s stomach and his palms sweated. Was he going to be murdered in one of the trailers? Malone directed him around the back of the trailers. Two deep, they stood back to back and the ones at the back overlooked green fields rather than the prison. Malone pushed him up the steps to the door and climbed up behind him. He took the key from his belt and unlocked Dane’s hands. As he removed the cuffs, he held Dane’s wrists in a strong grip before he could turn around, speaking in his ear. “Listen to me. You have an hour. This is a oneoff event, so make the most of it. It won’t happen again and if you try to escape, you’ll be in solitary the rest of your life.” Dane opened his mouth to speak but couldn’t. Malone reached around him, opened the door of the trailer and pushed Dane inside. Behind him, Dane heard a key turn in the lock. He stood in a small kitchen looking around. Before him was another door and slowly, he 127

Scarlet Blackwell pushed it open. Sitting on a couch in the living room was Bailey. He seemed just as shocked to see Dane. Wordlessly he jumped from the couch and as Dane strode forwards, they embraced fiercely. “Oh Jesus,” Dane groaned in disbelief before Bailey drew back and crushed his mouth passionately with his own. The two staggered towards the couch and fell onto it, wrenching at clothes and Bailey laughed breathlessly as the buttons were torn from his shirt. He pushed Dane down roughly and devoured his naked torso with kisses, working his way down, unfastening his belt with nimble fingers. Dane hurriedly helped him shed his pants and boxers and then he groaned as Bailey sank between his legs and sucked his cock. Once, this might have been enough but not now, not when they only had this one time and they had to make it count. He dragged Bailey back up his body. “Come here,” he demanded, kissing him again, their tongues tangling desperately. He pushed the pants down off Bailey’s ass and took hold of his hard cock, jerking him off. “Have you got lube?” Bailey squirmed. “Have I got lube?” he echoed. “I didn’t know I was going to get fucked!” Dane turned his head to look around. “There 128

And So Is Love must be some here. Let’s go into the bedroom.” Bailey climbed off him and held his hand out to Dane. They made their way into the bedroom, whose blinds were drawn and which contained a double bed and Bailey stripped off the rest of his clothes. “Bingo,” Dane said, finding condoms and sachets of lube on the nightstand and then he lay on his back on the bed. “Now, come here.” He reached out and dragged Bailey on top of him, pulling his knees up over his shoulders, so Bailey got the message and presented his cock to be sucked. Dane opened his mouth and swallowed him down. Bailey cursed, his back arching, his hands clutching the headboard. Dane soon found the position was easier if he let Bailey fuck his mouth and he lay there and trusted his partner not to choke him while he concentrated on the lube. With two fingers, he probed and penetrated Bailey, listening to the sounds of arousal he made, twisting them within him until he pressed a little bump and guessed what it might be. Bailey nearly shot off the bed and Dane almost gagged. “Sorry, sorry…” Bailey moaned, drawing back, his eyes rolling in his head, his hips riding the fingers shamelessly. “Fuck…Dane…” Dane’s tongue flicked teasingly over the head of his cock and watched Bailey’s beautiful face. 129

Scarlet Blackwell “Are you ready?” “Jesus, take me.” Bailey grabbed the condom off the bed and reached behind him, rolling it onto Dane’s cock without looking. Then he drew himself off Dane’s fingers and slid down his body. Before Dane could even grip his hips, Bailey sank down on his cock, taking him all the way inside. Dane’s eyes closed and his head fell back. He gave a low moan of bliss. Bailey started to ride him, groaning, his head thrown back and his hands braced on Dane’s chest. Dane pulled him forwards so he laid flat on him, encircling his back with his arms so he could kiss his lover. Bailey gasped into his mouth with every thrust Dane made into him. He deliberately rubbed his cock against Dane’s belly with each movement, the shaft jammed hard and leaking between their bodies. This seemed to surpass even the first time. Dane’s orgasm mounted relentlessly within minutes and he tried desperately to hold it back. He grabbed Bailey by the waist and sat up so they were face to face and mouth to mouth. “Oh God, I love you,” Bailey moaned as he was held there and Dane moved his hips up slowly into him. Dane hid his face against Bailey’s neck so his lover couldn’t see the emotion on it. He kissed the damp skin reverently and smoothed his hands 130

And So Is Love down the elegant curve of Bailey’s back before one hand moved between them and he took hold of Bailey’s cock, jerking him off slowly and firmly, twisting his hand around the head, feeling each movement send a shudder through his partner. Bailey was panting hard for breath, gasps and moans punctuating his every movement. He was going to come and Dane lifted his head, biting lightly at his jaw, watching Bailey’s face. Bailey had his eyes closed. His arms were tight around Dane’s neck and his name spilled from his lips. He trembled on Dane’s lap and his muscles tightened hard around him. Dane groaned as he started to come. He nipped Bailey’s ear and then buried his face in his neck, letting out a gasp as he let loose. Bailey’s nails dug into his shoulders. He pushed himself down a few more times on Dane and then spurted between their bodies in a torrent, gasping in ecstasy. The two held each other close in the afterglow until slowly, Dane fell back, taking Bailey with him and they lay together in silence on the bed. Bailey disentangled himself first and got up to use the bathroom, taking the condom off Dane as he did so. Dane reached across to the nightstand and used some tissues to wipe the semen from his chest before he got up to put them in the trash along with the condom wrapper and sachet of lube, 131

Scarlet Blackwell making sure to clean up all their evidence in case Malone got mad. He lay down just as Bailey came back out. His lover draped himself over his body and Dane held him in his arms. He stroked Bailey’s hair and the two kissed long and deep. “This will keep me going for as many years as it takes,” Bailey said softly, nuzzling his cheek with his nose. Dane bit his lip, coming back to reality. “We have to let it go. You’ll be paroled soon and—” “And I’ll be waiting outside the gates for you when you get out. You’ll see.” Dane fell silent. He glanced at the clock at the bedside and held Bailey closer. “How long have we got left?” “Half an hour.” “Feel like you could go again?” Bailey’s smile was impish. “Oh yeah. No problem.” They curled up back to front on the bed like spoons with Bailey reaching behind himself with one arm around Dane’s neck, so they could kiss. Dane moved into Bailey slowly and gently, one hand around his erection, his lips never moving from his, breathing all the love he couldn’t speak aloud into his partner’s mouth. They came at the same time, continuing to kiss for long minutes afterwards until Bailey shivered 132

And So Is Love and Dane realised the room was cool with the sweat drying on their bodies. He pulled the comforter from the foot of the bed over them and he lay with Bailey in his arms, drifting away. The outer door opening woke Dane. “Jesus,” Malone’s voice protested from the bedroom door. “This is not what I want to see straight after my lunch. Get your asses up, boys, it’s time to go.” Bailey jerked awake. He looked over his shoulder at Malone, his face reddening. “I’m sorry, Officer Malone,” he said contritely and sincerely. “Thank you so much for letting us have this time together.” Malone nodded, his expression softening. “I’ll be waiting outside.” He closed the door behind him. Bailey slid from Dane’s arms and started to pull his clothes on. Dane’s clothes were still outside in the living room. He went out and dressed as quickly as he could. He had just finished tying his shoelaces when Bailey came out of the bedroom fully dressed and put his arms around him. Dane held him hard, his eyes closed. This might be the very last time he ever touched Bailey. He felt like his heart was broken into pieces and his soul set loose. “Let’s go,” he mumbled numbly, drawing away. Bailey followed him to the outside door. Dane turned around to look at him and they kissed one 133

Scarlet Blackwell last time. “Goodbye.” “Goodbye, Dane,” Bailey said with tears in his eyes, squeezing his hand a moment. “See you soon.” Dane’s throat felt choked with barbed wire. He pulled the door open and saw Malone and another guard he didn’t recognise outside. He and Bailey turned their backs, standing side by side to be cuffed and were led away in opposite directions. Dane looked back over his shoulder to see Bailey watching him go. The pain in his chest threatened to bring him to his knees. He bowed his head and cried like a baby all the way back to the prison.

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Chapter Fourteen

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ane tried his best to put Bailey out of his mind after that day. He had no doubt that would be the last time he would ever see his lover and he told himself he needed to be strong and not pine for what was lost. This was impossible. The pain of loss would eat him alive until he went to his grave. After a few days, he received a letter via the outside mail. As no one ever wrote to him, this was a shock and he perused the strange writing on the already-opened envelope before he slid out the now-familiar pink paper. I sent this to my friend David and he forwarded it to you. You can write to me at his address and he will send it to me. I wish I could say all the things I want to say to you here, but you know I can’t. I’m still thinking of last week. I jerked off three times in a row over you when I got back and it still wasn’t enough. The memory of being with you will keep me warm forever. 135

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Love always, B. In June, Bailey told Dane his parole hearing was set for December. Dane held the letter for a long while, re-reading those words over and over and preparing to lose Bailey for good. As he had known it would, the sly little longing for Bailey to be turned down entered his mind and he despised himself. But he couldn’t bear the thought of Bailey on the outside and him still in here. They might have been separated now, but they were still locked up together. In six months, Bailey would be in the outside world, with a new life and free to sleep with anyone he chose. The idea made Dane feel sick. He counted down the months and the letters continued to mention the parole hearing, anxious in tone and impatient. On the morning of Bailey’s parole hearing on the fourteenth of December, Dane received another letter. By the time you read this, I’ll probably have had my hearing and will know whether I am to be released or not. I’m going to tell them what they want to hear, about how I’m sorry and how I wouldn’t do it again but you know what, Dane, I don’t know if I am sorry, because if I hadn’t done it, I would never have met you and if I’m released, how am I ever going to go on 136

And So Is Love without you? Dane expected trouble from the censor for this letter, but nobody said anything. He paced his cell all day, torn between wanting Bailey to get his parole and shamefully wishing he would be rejected. Just before dinner, he asked Malone if there was any way he could find out the result of the hearing. Malone said he would see what he could do. After dinner, Dane was in his locked cell with a book. He slept on the bottom bunk where Bailey had once slept and so far, he had yet to get another cellmate. Malone approached the bars. “Dane,” he said softly. “He got it. He’ll be out on Christmas Eve.” Dane nodded. “Thank you, Officer Malone.” He lay down on the bunk and turned his face to the wall. Everything was over. From now on, Dane had to harden himself to Bailey. There was no future for them and he would not allow Bailey to hold him on some sort of string by visiting him and keeping Dane’s pathetic fantasies alive. Bailey was gone forever. **** When Dane got back to his cell after Christmas 137

Scarlet Blackwell Day dinner, there was a present lying on his bunk. He stared a moment in suspicion at the silver wrapping paper and the pretty sparkly bow and then he sat down and unwrapped it carefully. He hadn’t had a present of any sort in over four years and he felt childish excitement even though he was expecting some nasty trick from one of his fellow inmates. But no. Inside the black box within was a silver chain on which rested half a broken heart. Dane took it out, holding the delicate metal reverently in his hand, holding it up to the light where the pendant spun gently on its chain. It was gay, he thought, it was so fucking gay and if anyone saw him wearing it…but Jesus, it was beautiful and it was his last memory of Bailey. He fastened it around his neck with trembling fingers and then he stood up to look at it in the mirror. The chain was just long enough to hide the pendant below his shirt. The only time anyone would see it would be in the shower and Dane would knock the first person out who made a comment on it and any subsequent person after that. The cold metal soon became warm against his skin and he felt its comforting weight against him and was soothed. **** When Malone told him he had a visitor on New 138

And So Is Love Year’s Eve, Dane scrambled off his bunk, despite how he had told himself he would refuse this visit. He wrenched off his shirt because he had spilled milk on it at lunch and it had an ugly stain and he drew on a clean one, one that was a little small for him, tight fitting, so it showed off his big arms and muscular pecs. Then he went to the mirror and smoothed his hair down hurriedly. It had grown a little longer from its usual cropped style and needed cutting. “Come on, you look beautiful,” Malone said impatiently and Dane followed him out quickly. Bailey sat in the visitors’ room muffled up in a thick winter coat, still wearing gloves, his nose a little red as though he had walked a great distance in the cold to the prison. Dane’s heart clenched in both joy and hurt. He wanted to turn and walk away rather than put himself through this but he could not. Instead, his trembling legs led him to the table. Bailey looked up, a smile crossing his face, his dark eyes sparkling and he jumped up and put his arms around Dane’s neck. Touching was allowed, Dane remembered as much from his visits from his girl all that time ago and he held Bailey back with greedy hands, pressing the other close to him, wishing he could work his way beyond that thick coat and other clothes and touch his soft skin for just a moment. He closed his eyes a moment and let all the hurt 139

Scarlet Blackwell he kept inside him flood out and he knew he could no longer carry on this way, allowing Bailey to open him up at every turn. Reluctantly he let Bailey go and sat down. “What are you doing here?” Bailey frowned, taking the seat opposite. “I’ve come to see you.” Dane saw the gleam of silver around his neck and guessed Bailey wore the same necklace as he did. He lowered his eyes and stared at the table. “You shouldn’t come. You’re on parole, you’re free of this place. Coming back here isn’t going to help you move on with your life.” “I can’t move on until you’re free, too.” Bailey took one glove off and leaned across the table to touch Dane’s hand. Dane snatched it away and sat back in his chair. “This isn’t good for either of us,” he said, his voice unsteady. “I don’t want you to come again. It’s wrong.” Bailey’s eyes gleamed with aggrieved tears. “I can’t stay away. Don’t ask me to. Please.” Dane shook his head. “This is it. This is the last time.” “Don’t,” Bailey said in a low, trembling voice. He grabbed at Dane’s hand again. Dane squeezed it cruelly for a moment. “My parole hearing isn’t for another year and who says I’ll even get it. Another year, Bailey. I can’t keep 140

And So Is Love hoping and praying and wishing my life away. This is goodbye.” He pushed his chair away and stood up. “No, no, please!” Bailey gabbled, leaping up, all self-control gone. He threw himself into Dane’s arms, clinging to his neck and Dane pushed him mercilessly away. “Fucking get a grip,” he said savagely and turned away. Bailey cried his name behind him, attempting to follow him out the door but was restrained by a guard. Dane set off back to his block with his lover’s pleas ringing in his ears.

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Chapter Fifteen

B

ailey wrote twice a week without fail. Dane never replied to the letters, but he was not strong enough to resist reading them. Bailey told him about where he was living, a hostel for paroled prisoners which wasn’t in the nicest part of town and wasn’t peopled by the nicest of people. He had a job in a comic book store which he enjoyed and he said his boss, Gary, was a nice guy and flexible with his hours. He told Dane about his previous life for the first time. He had been a physician’s assistant before his conviction for assault and had lost his home when he went into prison. His mother had disowned him, as had his sister and he had no one to turn to when he came out, other than his close friend David who he had known since school. Dane was irrationally jealous of both Gary and David. He knew it was ridiculous, but he also knew Bailey would be vulnerable and lonely and might take what comfort he could get. 142

And So Is Love Bailey spoke frequently with hope about the chances of Dane getting a parole hearing within the next year and dwelt on fantasies of the two of them getting to live together in great detail, going so far as to describe the house he would like, down to the colour of the curtains and the colour of the cat they would have sitting by the fire. Dane threw aside many of these letters in disgust and told himself he had made the right choice in letting this dreamer go. Bailey would never amount to anything, he thought with derision, he was an ex-con living in a fantasy world and he would still be in his pathetic little hostel and his pathetic little job by the time Dane was released. He even went so far as to write these words down in a letter, but when he read them back, he stung himself with his own cruelty. Bailey would be crushed beyond belief if he sent it. He would probably never recover. He would end up back in prison or at the bottom of the river. Dane knew he could guarantee Bailey would never contact him again by writing this one terrible letter, but he could not do it. Its savagery was even beyond him. He tore it into pieces and then he lay on his bunk and wept for the man he had become. **** Bailey was still writing to him the following 143

Scarlet Blackwell January when Dane finally received notice that his parole hearing would be in February. Bailey’s letters were increasingly desperate and he spoke vaguely of some trouble he had had with some of the residents of the hostel. Dane worried about what sort of trouble this was and worried Bailey would be straight back in jail as he had predicted. The parole hearing loomed over him like a dark shadow. He was both terrified and elated. He didn’t know what they wanted him to say and he felt that sincere apologies and expressions of regret for his crime would come off as phony. He wasn’t sorry for beating the scumbag who had raped the woman in the alleyway and knew that he would do it again. He was only sorry he had gone so far as to kill him and land himself in jail. That part had been a mistake. He couldn’t say this at his hearing, nor could he think of any bullshit to describe his plans for his life once released and how he would benefit the community at large. He had no plans beyond these walls, because he never thought his release would come. He had no plans beyond his next meal. On the day of his hearing, he dressed in the suit he had been tried and sentenced in and Odell took him along, sneering and pushing him, telling him he was never going to get out to be with his buttbuddy. Dane kept his temper. His palms sweated as he sat before the panel of 144

And So Is Love two men and one woman and smoothed his hair back nervously. He had continued to allow it to grow, because he thought it made him look less thuggish and he had slicked it back with gel. He might as well have been wearing a tux, too, and going to a goddamn ball, he thought derisively as he looked at the panel and wondered how they saw him. Wondered if they saw a man who had killed a man by accident on the outside and then killed two men inside on purpose, in cold blood, to keep the man he loved safe. Wondered if they saw a man who had paid his debt and was fit to be released. Dane wasn’t sure he was fit to be released. He wasn’t sure he would ever be a valuable member of society. He was back in his cell after thirty minutes and he took his suit off and lay on his bunk in t-shirt and boxers. The parole board knew everything it seemed, like they were omniscient. They suggested an anger management problem and cited all the occasions he had been in the hole during his six-year incarceration. They mentioned the murder charge, which had been brought against him and dropped, and they even mentioned Bailey. Dane was polite and earnest, looking every member of the board carefully in the eye as he spoke, spouting utter bullshit in such a sincere manner he even surprised himself. He waited two days for the verdict and was 145

Scarlet Blackwell told he had been rejected and would be reconsidered in another six months. Bailey had been keeping tabs on him. His next letter told Dane he had been writing to the department of correction and knew all about his unsuccessful parole hearing. He expressed his sorrow and disappointment but told him six months was not so far in the future and he would still be waiting for him. Dane tore this letter up in a pique and informed the passing Malone not to bring him any more letters from the outside. Malone shrugged. “I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t deliver your letters to you,” he said. “It’s your choice if you read them or not. Got to say though, why that guy of yours still even bothers with an asshole like you after all this time beats me.” Dane was open-mouthed. He had taken Malone’s niceness and generosity for granted for years now and to hear the hack speak so harshly to him shocked him. “Fuck you!” he barked. “What the fuck do you know about it?” Malone’s eyes narrowed. He stepped into Dane’s cell. “What do I know?” he echoed. “I know fucking plenty. I know you and he had some sort of fucking twisted little romance that I actively encouraged against my better judgement and then as soon as he got out, when he needed 146

And So Is Love you most, you abandoned him, because you’re a jealous, resentful fucker who only ever looked after number one. He’s well rid of you.” Dane couldn’t believe his ears. He punched Malone in the face, but the guard gave as good as he got, his baton instantly drawn, slamming it into the side of Dane’s head and knocking him backwards into the wall where his vision went red with blood. Malone had back up immediately and three pairs of hands dragged Dane away from the cell screaming abuse, down the corridor to the jeers of his fellow inmates. “There goes your second parole hearing, Faulkner,” Malone snapped as Dane was thrown naked into the hole. “Think Bailey will still be waiting for you now?” **** Dane was subdued and repentant when he came out three days later. He was escorted back to the block by a smirking Odell and when he saw Malone at the guard’s station, he asked if he could speak to him. Malone approached, standing silently before him, his expression cool. “I wanted to say sorry for hitting you,” Dane said quietly, his eyes fixed on the bruise on the guard’s jaw. “You were right with everything you said and you know the truth 147

Scarlet Blackwell hurts.” He gave an awkward smile. Malone nodded curtly. “Apology accepted.” He turned and walked away. **** No more letters came from Bailey. This sudden cessation alarmed Dane even though he had told Malone he wanted no more letters from his onetime lover. He had never expected Bailey to give up, even though he had not replied to him in over a year. Why had Bailey suddenly given up now? Those letters, as much as he denied wanting them, were the only thing he had, the only thing he clung to and now they were gone. He was beyond devastated. Finally, some four years after he had first met Bailey, the two of them were done. **** His second parole hearing came around and Dane was duly rejected once more. He waited to see if this would bring a letter from Bailey, at least so he knew the other man still kept an eye on his progress, but there was nothing. This was really it.

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Chapter Sixteen

D

ane had served seven years of his sentence. The night before his third parole hearing, he lay in his bunk reflecting. He wasn’t sure what else he could bring to the table this time. He could hardly keep churning out the same standard statement. The parole board would probably start rolling their eyes this time. He sat there once again in that same suit, this time with his hair cropped short so it made his expressive blue eyes seem huge. It felt like he and the parole board were old friends. The woman on the end of the table greeted him and asked him, “Dane, why do you think we should release you this time?” Dane looked at her a moment and then he spoke. “Five years ago I met another inmate named Bailey Lewis. Bailey and I had some sort of…affair and he told me he loved me. We were separated for a long time before he was released, but even then, it didn’t stop him visiting me or 149

Scarlet Blackwell writing to me. He spoke about the future and what it would be like when we were together. I couldn’t bear to hear this. I told him never to visit me again and I stopped writing to him. Bailey persevered and then after my first parole hearing, he stopped writing to me. I don’t know where he is or even if he is dead or alive. I regret the way we ended every single minute of every single day. But I don’t regret the crime which put me in here. That man raped a woman in an alleyway in broad daylight and left her bleeding on the ground. I didn’t mean for it to go so far, but I did mean to hurt him the way he had hurt her. That woman will never be the same again. Her life is ruined. “I would never have met Bailey if I hadn’t done it so I can’t say sorry for it. I can say, though, that I wish you’d let me out this time so I don’t lose my mind over wondering what happened to Bailey and if he still loves me. The time is long past for making amends to him, but oh God, if I could just try, I would.” Dane stopped and lowered his head while the tears dripped silently off his nose. One of the men cleared his throat. “This is laudable, Mr. Faulkner, but you’re hardly demonstrating remorse for your crime here.” “I’ve demonstrated remorse for my crime twice before and it got me nowhere, sir,” Dane replied. “So instead, I’m demonstrating remorse for the other crime I’ve committed and hoping you will 150

And So Is Love give me the chance to make amends to my victim.” There was silence. The second man spoke. “You can leave now, Mr. Faulkner.” Dane was escorted back to his cell. The hearings got shorter and shorter, he mused. One day, the board would no longer need to call him. They would simply stamp his file rejected when the day came and cut out the middleman. He dreamed about Bailey that night. His lover was on his lap and Dane was inside him, his face pressed against the silky, damp curve of his neck and Bailey was moaning out his love over and over and vowing to wait forever. At times, Dane could no longer remember every detail of Bailey’s face. He couldn’t remember the exact curve of his eyebrows or the shape of his nose. He couldn’t picture the exact shade of those dark brown eyes or just how luscious those pink lips were. But he thought he remembered what Bailey’s body felt like, how his skin was soft on the surface and hard with muscle beneath and how he arched and writhed with pleasure when Dane touched him, fluid and sensual. He could also remember that look on Bailey’s face that New Year’s Eve when Dane had told him they were over. He had smashed another person’s life to pieces, the way he had done when he had 151

Scarlet Blackwell committed the crime he was sentenced for. He didn’t deserve to go free. He deserved everything he got. The showers were deserted when he got there just after dinner the next day, carrying his towel and wash bag. Or so he thought until he saw Anthony’s head above the partition and he stepped forward to say hello but stopped just as soon. Nicol was on his knees sucking Anthony’s cock while he stroked his own erection. Dane froze in shock. He felt no disgust. The lines between those people you were supposed to fuck and those you weren’t had blurred years ago when he entered this prison even if he knew they would be once more clearly delineated by the outside world when he got out of here. Those rules didn’t apply here. You took what you could get and if you were lucky enough to find a likeminded soul in here who wanted you for the wicked bastard you were, then you held onto him until your last breath. Dane knew that now, but he hadn’t known it all those years ago. Nor had he seen anything growing between the only two friends he had ever had in this place. Anthony was up for parole next month and would perhaps leave a broken man behind him. Neither of the men had seen him and Nicol straightened up and put his arm around 152

And So Is Love Anthony’s neck. Dane hoped to establish that this was a casual blowjob with no feeling behind it before he left but no. Anthony kissed his partner on the neck and murmured, “I love you,” before Nicol’s hand cradled his head against his shoulder and he replied, “Love you, too, man.” Dane turned and walked away. He prayed Anthony and Nicol would end up better than he and Bailey. Dane didn’t often jerk off these days. He seemed to have more or less lost his sex drive since he had lost Bailey and didn’t feel that same frustration he had before the arrival of his cellmate. But lying in the bottom bunk that night, he remembered Nicol and Anthony in the shower and he got hard. He thought of the lovemaking this bunk had seen all that time ago and his mind wandered back to that time in the trailer where he and Bailey had been alone for an hour. He put his hand down his boxers and took hold of his cock. He kept his eyes closed as he moved his hand slowly up and down and conjured up images of Bailey naked. He thought of the scent of Bailey’s soft skin and the feel of it pressed against him. He opened his mouth, craning his neck up, imaging Bailey was lying on top of him and kissing him. For a moment he could feel the silky wetness of Bailey’s tongue on his and the velvet of 153

Scarlet Blackwell his lips caressing him. He could feel a naked torso sliding against his and the hand around his cock wasn’t his own. His back arched and a moan slipped past his lips. A moan that contained Bailey’s name as he came helplessly. He lay there a moment panting in the dark and then he opened his eyes to stare unseeingly past the bars into the dark and asked himself if he would be jerking off over this man for the rest of his life. Dane had just come back to his cell after breakfast the next day when Malone appeared. He was sitting staring unseeingly at the wall, trying to gather the energy to go to the gym when all he wanted was to lie on his bunk for the rest of the day. “Dane,” Malone said softly from the door. “Yeah, yeah, you don’t have to tell me,” Dane said dryly. “They’ll review me in another six months.” He got up from the bunk and started searching for the t-shirt he always worked out in. “No.” “No?” Dane asked. He laughed bitterly. “Another twelve then? God man, I must have been really shitty this time.” Malone smiled gently. “You’re out, Dane. Next Monday.” 154

And So Is Love Dane turned his head to stare at him. He frowned because his mind could not compute the information. “No,” he said, giving the guard the chance to tell him it was some sort of cruel joke. “Yes, Dane.” Malone’s smile broadened into a grin. “I don’t…understand,” Dane stammered. “What don’t you understand?” Malone’s tone finally became exasperated but affectionately so. “You’re out. You can go find that man of yours.” The words speared Dane’s heart. He sank back into his bunk because his legs wouldn’t support him any longer. “Thank you, Officer Malone,” he murmured dazedly. “You’re welcome, Dane.” Malone stepped into the cell. He put his hand on Dane’s shoulder and squeezed a moment. Because Dane had not felt the touch of another person in years, he put his hand up and rested it on Malone’s a moment before he let go. Malone smiled before he turned and left the cell.

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Chapter Seventeen

T

he unlocking of the gate sounded so loud in the still, snow-filled air that it made Dane flinch. He looked into the outside world, down the long, winding drive that led to the busy road at the bottom and then he looked back at Malone, because he was afraid to step over the threshold. Certain people inside the prison hadn’t taken the news of his impending release too well. Expecting to be sabotaged, Dane had been confronted by a few members of Byron Watson’s depleted gang in his cell and backed against the wall where the new head honcho brandished a shank at him and explained that Dane was getting out over his dead body. Dane had to fight with himself not to rip the man’s head from his shoulders, reminding himself that his parole would be up in smoke if he so much as touched any of these men. The fight was broken up soon enough by the hacks and within an hour, Dane got the word he 156

And So Is Love was moving into protective custody until Monday. He said an emotional goodbye to Anthony and Nicol. Anthony was tearful, hugging Dane with Dane promising they would see each other soon on the outside for a beer. Nicol hugged him, too, and told him, “I hope you’ll be going to find Bailey.” Dane looked at him a moment. He swallowed, turning his back. “Come on,” Malone said gently at the gates, putting a hand on his back. “You’ve done the hardest bit now. This is the easy bit.” “I know.” Dane’s hands were damp and his heart raced. In his pocket, he had enough money to get the bus to the hostel where he would be staying temporarily and a scrap of paper with directions to it along with the phone number of his parole officer. He was due to start work at the local park the next morning at nine thirty, helping take care of the grounds. He carried his belongings over his shoulder in a duffel bag. His hair was cropped short. He looked the part. He wouldn’t be surprised if people avoided him on the sidewalk. He hadn’t been a criminal before he went in jail, but he was coming out as one. His life was done. How did he move on from this? “Thank you, Officer Malone,” he said, offering his hand. Malone shook it firmly, nodding. “I don’t want 157

Scarlet Blackwell to see you back here again, Dane.” His tone was stern, fatherly. Dane shook his head. “I won’t be back. Goodbye.” He stepped beyond the gates. “Goodbye, Dane, and good luck,” Malone said. The gates clanked shut behind him. Dane stood outside the gates on the street. He turned his face up to the white sky and let snow fall on it, tasting it in his mouth just like he had the last time he had stepped outside the prison. He was not in a rush to do anything, even though he knew the bus came in ten minutes at the bottom of the drive. Rather, he was paralysed by fear. Soon, he got the impression he was not alone. Turning his head slowly, he glanced along the street. Fifty feet or so away, leaning casually against the prison wall opposite a battered red car, which had seen better days, stood a blast from the past. Dane’s breath caught in his throat and an ache of confusion and hope spread through his chest. He stayed where he was, frozen to the spot, unable to speak or move. Bailey smiled gently and ruefully at him. The two of them stood looking at each other for the longest time before Bailey stepped forward. He put his arms around Dane’s neck and drew him close. Dane slumped against him in numb relief, 158

And So Is Love hands coming up to cling to his waist hard, face buried against Bailey’s neck. Bailey tightened his hold, one hand stroking his hair. His body trembled with emotion against Dane’s. Neither of them spoke. Bailey only drew back after several minutes. He took Dane by the hand and steered him towards the car, opening the door. Dane climbed into the passenger seat and sat in silence, waiting as Bailey walked around the car and climbed in, started the engine and turned the car around. Dane looked back over his shoulder at the retreating prison as they drove away. He leaned back, feeling suddenly exhausted, closing his eyes. He felt Bailey’s hand on his knee and turned his head to see the dark eyes shining, the beautiful face lit in a smile. Dane’s heart and stomach lurched and collided. He smiled back uncertainly, fear twisting his insides. “This your car?” he asked when Bailey turned his attention back to the road. “Have you got breakdown cover?” “You’re still an obnoxious asshole,” Bailey retorted, squeezing his knee cruelly. “It’s better than your car.” Dane laughed. “True.” Bailey turned his head and their gazes met again. “Where are we going?” “To my place.” “Bailey, I have to be at my hostel—” Dane 159

Scarlet Blackwell began, as much as the thought of being alone with Bailey excited him. “Relax. Your parole officer is my parole officer. She’s going to come by mine and speak to you later,” Bailey told him calmly. Dane didn’t speak again. He could not even begin to put all his apologies and all his feelings into words, but he knew he would have to do sooner or later. Bailey’s apartment was in a run-down neighbourhood and in a run-down block, but inside it was spick and span, furnished cheaply but neatly, not a speck of dust to be seen. He kicked his shoes off at the door and Dane followed suit, embarrassed at the hole in the toe of his sock, before Bailey politely took Dane’s coat and bade him sit down in the living room. Dane did as he was told. He shook with nerves. “Bailey,” he said anxiously as soon as the other man returned. “You don’t have to say anything,” Bailey was swift to reply. “But I do.” Dane stood. “I don’t deserve for you to be here for me. After what I did to you, why are you doing this? Why haven’t you put me out of your life for good?” Bailey stood facing him. “Because I still love you. Because I’ve counted the days until we could 160

And So Is Love be together again and I never lost hope. Not once.” There was a lump in Dane’s throat and a startling rush of tears to his eyes. “Jesus,” he said, his voice breaking. “I love you, Bailey.” Bailey threw his arms around Dane’s neck. Dane scooped him close and their mouths met in a tender, hesitant kiss of renewal, which deepened rapidly into desperate passion. Bailey manoeuvred Dane back towards the couch and they sank there together in each other’s arms. They didn’t go beyond touching and kissing. Now they were no longer within the furtive confines of their cell and could do this openly, Dane was afraid to instigate it. Not only that, but it had been many years since Bailey and he had been intimate. He lay on his back and held Bailey close, the other man’s head on his chest, so Dane could run his fingers through his dark, silky hair. Their legs tangled together, both of them hard but doing nothing about it. Dane started to relax finally for the first time that day with Bailey lying against him like this. He pressed a kiss to his forehead and stroked his hair back from his face gently. Bailey looked up at him. “Are you okay?” Dane nodded. “Are you afraid of being free?” 161

Scarlet Blackwell Dane smiled. “You always did know everything about me, didn’t you?” “Since I first met you,” Bailey confirmed with a grin. “And I was, too. I got out and cried on the bus all the way to the hostel. But that was mainly because I’d left you behind.” Dane said nothing. His hand moved up and down Bailey’s back, stroking gently. Bailey slid up his body, one leg between Dane’s, his face over his. He pressed a kiss to his mouth. His fingertips touched his cheek. “I can’t believe you’re here.” His eyes glistened with tears. Dane pulled Bailey closer. He luxuriated in the feel of Bailey’s weight on top of him. “Are you really sure about this?” “I’ve been sure about this for five years,” Bailey said, propping himself on one elbow and looking down at Dane with his intense dark eyes. “I didn’t think I’d have to go to jail to meet my soulmate, but there you go. It was worth it.” Dane stared at him with tears dampening his eyes and his heart beating hard. “You don’t mean that,” he said quietly in astonishment. “Sure I do. I’d do it all again. Anything for you, Dane.” Dane swallowed. When he spoke again, his voice was unsteady. “You’re the most wonderful human being I ever met before, Bailey. I never would have survived in jail without you.” 162

And So Is Love Bailey smiled. His hand cradled Dane’s head gently. “We got each other through it. And now it’s over and our lives are just beginning.” A shiver went down Dane’s spine. Once he had sat in his jail cell wallowing in his own misery and his own terrible sins, never realising that, actually, he was the luckiest man in the world. He pulled Bailey down to him, hands framing his face as he kissed him. Their lips clung together tenderly and Dane’s fear drained slowly from him, to be replaced by hope.

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About the Author Scarlet likes cats and hats and firmly believes that the only thing better than one attractive man is two attractive men.