Against all odds

KI S HORE

SHANTABAI

KALE

Against All Odds

Translated from the Marathi by

Sandhya Pandey

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PENGUIN BOOKS

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Translator's Note

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a man canno t keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a d ifferent drUlTllller,' wrote T ho reau. It is people w ith the capaciry to hear a different d rumm er :l nd to respond to the music they hea r, w ho make a d ifference to the so ciety t hey live in. In 1994, Kolhatyache Par, th e autob iography of a n unknown young lIlan brought just such a p erson to ligh t. It is the sto ry of an iIIegitima re son o f a tamasha dancer from the Kolhati community, sct against rhe harsh and apparcnrly hopcless life of its wornc n. Kishore Shantabai Ka le says that hc wrote rhe book to revea l the plight of thc ta masha danccrs of this com munity in Maharashtra. In t he process he brought to light a lifes tyle and a w o rld that most of us wer e unaware of. H is own strugglc to educate himself an d to live a lifc of digni ty makcs a mov ing and d rama tic story. In an age w hen m os t her oes have fe et of clay and crowns of tinsel, Kishore Shanrabai Kale tells liS thar rcal hero ism still lives. His sto ry reminds us tn at th c human sp ir it can, if it wills, ovc rcome every obstacle and reach irs goal. It is this spirir that lifts rhe story ou t of the o rdinary an d demands t har it be told in every langu age possible. Kolhalyache Por has bcen c ri ticized for its lack of

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TRA:-JSl.ATOR,'S :-IO T E

literary sop hi stication, bur its sta rk style acce ntuates the s haking intensity of the scory. T he rhythm of t he g hungroos :lnd drums in the sangce! bari arc in constant cOllnterpoinr w it h the d issonance o f the life li ved backstage. Translation of :my literature usua ll y demands a degree of transc rc:nion because eve ry language carries it :) own cultu r:l l inferences and presupposi tions which a rc either impossible to tra nslate ex actly or requ ire elaborate ex planation in arlOrhcr language. Besides, the

unusual life patterns of th e Kol hati co mmunity would require derailed expla na tions even to many Marathi readers. Dr Kishore Sha ntabai K:d e himself admits that Kolhatync.he Par, h is first book, was written off the c uff, almost in a hurry. T he last chapters of the book, therefore, lack the clarity of the ea rlier Diles o. nd end abruprly. H is second book, Me Doctor Zhalo, clen rs up some of the confu sion and co.rries the s[Qry forw a rd to a certain degree. Therefore, some information from it has been incor porated into thi s trans lation. Despite th ese constra ints, th e sty le of the origin al boo k has been retained as far as poss ible. Kolhatyache Po r was bro ught to my notice by my dear frie nd Pin ki Vi rani. If if we re no t fo r her e ncouragement a nd the confidence she has in me, there w ere many things I wou ld never have donei and this tr ~ns lati o n is one of them. Than k you, Pin ki. Many thanks to Kamin ; Mah o.d cv:m who has gently gu ided me a ll through th e translmian and Aradhana Bish t who painstakingl y went through and worked upon each w ord that I wrot c.

Introduction

D r Kishore Shantabai Ka le sits at a smal l woode n tahle in a bare hut; behind hi m a nother ric kety table holds so me medicines, and a c urtained-off sec tion serves as an exa mi natio n room. The walls of t he hut are mad e of a bamboo rrelli s covered ovcr with a mi xture o f straw and cowdung. There is a tha tched roof and the floo r is packed eanh, some o f it comi ng off in bits in the hot, dry clima te of Kude ran, at the border o f T hane and Raig:-.d di stricts neaf Mumbai. Outside the hut, except for a few huts of the tribal village in the d ista nce and 0. small concrete bl ock, painted the standard yellow of gove rn ment buildings, th at serves as rhe vi1l age schoo l, th ere is :-. sim ilar b:lfc wilderness as far as the eye can see. A conrinuous, nor unpleas.mt wind raises little dust dev ils and cha ses dry lea ves around the ground. Th is is the place Dr Kal e has c hose n to set lip his Shantai Dawakhana (named aftcr his mother, Shalltabai) under his orga nization T a ra M emori a l Sansrha, fo r the rribals who live in little h a mlets in the region. 'A di spensary is where a doctor is, a nd not th e other wa y round,' is Dr K:-.!e's conviction, and he h as spent one year provi ng it by running a flourishing med ical practi ce in a region whe re there is neither a

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lNTltouu c: n ON

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primary health centre nor a government doctor in a thirty~kilometre radius. He is the first doctor ro have taken medicine to the tribal villages. He runs a p ractice which includes acupressu re, :l.cupuncture, homeopathy and ayurveda along with allopathy. He set up his dispensary on the vera nda of the village temple, and once people were convinced that the doctor had their welfare nt hcnrc, they sold him so me land nnd helped him set up a few huts that se rve as clinic, medicine store and rooms for patients who need to be under observation. There is no electricity and till a few months ago, water ha d to be ferried from a few kilome tres away. There was no transport from the nearest town, Badlapur, to Kuderan. In the one year that he has been working there, Dr Kale has had one borc~well put in, a singlelane road laid, and has persuaded the civic administration to run one bus service [0 the village and back. He still works in the light of a lantern, but electric ity shou ld reach thc village in a few months. Six years ago, his 3urobiography, Kolhatyache Por (A Kolhati's Child) created a storm in Marathi literary circles. It was a stark and movi ng portrayal of the Kolhati community and the dramatic story of the anguish and struggle of a yOllng boy attempting to break free from the demeaning customs and lifes ty le of his commu nity. The book brought ins tant fame to Ki shore Shanrabai Kale, the protagonist of the tale, and a plcthora of award s. What Kolhatyache Por lacked in literary sophistication, it more than made up for in the dramatic intensity of its story. The Kolhati community was or iginally a nomadic Raja sthani tribe thnt migra ted to western Maha rashtra.

They first earned their livelihood by performing acrobatic acts, but soon turned to the more lucrative business of dance. The women of the community were trained in dance and music and fo rced to entertain men and earn money, wh ile the males of the community lived on the earnings of their womenfolk. However , though the men made their sisters and daughters dance to their selfish tunes, thei r wives were never allowed to do so. Kolhati Olen rarely married their tribcswomcn. They roamed from village to vi llage and abducted any young woman they fancied. Through a simple ceremony cilllcd mcln i, she was made a Kolhati. Accep tance into the communi t), came through the jaat panchayat, a group of powerful men who controlled the community: they accepted her once she had been anointed with turmeric paste, whi le the man gifted them a goat. Only after th e woman had borne him a child, would the Kolhati marry her-until then, he was afraid that she would escape fcom him. The daughters of the community lead a far harsher life. They arc sold for their virginity at puberty, and are usual ly abandoned when they get pregnant. That is why most Kolhati children bear their mother's name, a fact that proclaims their illegitimacy and causes Illost of them to drop out of school rather than face their classmates' decision. The Kolharis developed a distinct style of dance and so ng called lava ni. The music has more rhythm than melody and the songs are loud and full of double entendre. The dance itself is designed to attract male attention and it is easy to understand why it is ca ll ed ramasha. The tremendous success of Kolhatyache Por came as

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INTRODUCTION

a mixed blessing to Dr Kale. There were many in his community who did nor take kindly to their way of life being exposed, and given the poverty and illiteracy of the community, it was easy to spread tales denounci ng thc book and its author. Kishore has maligned our comlllunity and tOld lies about us, he should be punished, they said. There was an unsuccessful attempt to murder him, and the powerful jant panchayat excommunicated him. For Kishorc, the worst blow Came when his mother broke off all rclations with him. Kishore was the child Shantabai had abandoned when she wem to live with Nana, and he had spem his entire life trying to draw her attention to him. 'I wamed to be good enough for her to accept me as her son, to love me as much as she loved my ),ounger brother Decpak, and it was this desperate need that drove me throughout my chi ldhood,' says Kishore . Bur, the lies that she was told about the book made her turn her back on her first·born. She was already angry with him because he had rdused to marry the girl that her partner had chosen for him-the prospective bride would have brought a dowry of five lakh rupces with her. Instead, Kishore married Sangita, the daughter of a Da!it writer. Bur none of this daunted Kishorc. He desperately wanted to shake the Kolhati women out of their helplessness, and he went from village to village, sangeet bari to sangeet bari, talking to them, encouraging them ro send their children to school, to give themselves a chance ro come out of their mired existence. Wherever he went, Kishore fou nd the women responding to his ca!L His book was rcad by those who could rcad, and read out to groups of other women who could not. In Sclu village, a ramasha dancer refused to

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let her daughter'S chira (a young girl's first sexual encounter) be performed, and in an angry b;lc klash she was paraded naked in the village by th e Kolhatis . Other women asked Kishore to set up schools for their children. Young boys enrolled in school, and everyone wanted to be like Kishorc Shantabai Kale. In the six years since the book W:1S first published, according to Dr Kale, most of the Kolhatis have stopped dancing. It is women from othe r communities who still (i:1nce in the t:unasha., he says. The jaat pnllchayat has been abolished, and most Kolhati children are now being educated, he claims. Kolhatyacbe Par came at a time when tamasha dancers were fast los ing thei r clientele to cinema and television, and falling incomes were increasingly pushing them into prostitution. But, one abandoned Kolhati boy faced all odds, earned :ln MllBS degree, :lnci then wrote ;l bestsell er rhat won awards all over the state and showed the co mmun ity wh:lt was possible. Kishore Kale had just passed his MUllS when his book was published. He tben finished his inrernship and joined the government medical service. For one year he worked at Matheran and then at Neral, near Mumbai, in the primary health cemres. Later, he got a job as a lectllfer at the Teena Medical College in the same region. At the sa me time, he wrote the second part of his autqbiograph)', Me Doctor 2I1a{0; a book of poems, Aai TlIjhe Lekm;u; a nove l,. Hi;da Ek Marda (the story of aver)' femininelooking young man who lives with a group of eunuchs. For this Kale himself lived incognito with the eu nuchs to gain fim·hand experience of their lifestyle ), and recently, Bl/ddha Batla. He wrote, acted, directed and pr"aduced the plays Akrosl1 G1J1mgroocha, Alldhar Yaira •

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INTRODUCTION

INTRODUCT I ON

nnd SUlldara Gawat Ali (3 street play on AIDS prevenrionh he also wrote :lOd acted in a releserial, Maran Yolra. But that is ' not all: during [his time, Dr Kale set up (he Tara Memorial Sanstha (in memory of his great-aunt Tarabai or Jiji, who brought him up ) with the money earned from the sales of his book and tile awards it won. The organization has helped many Kolhati children get an education, and in the suburb of G hatkopcr in Mumbai, it is working to spread rhe awareness of AIDS among the sex workers of the area. He found the sex workers extremely receptive to his ideas. 'I first convinced them that they should not tmdc rscll themselves. If one o f them demands Rs 50 from a diem and another undercuts her and asks fo r only Rs 25, then naturally both are harmed in rhe long run. They agreed to a fixed price, which anyone could increase, bur nor decrease . Then, they found themselves in a position to demand that they would only practise safe sex. As a result, not a single sex worker of the areas will agree to sex without a condom,' he says proudly. This brought down the incidence of sexually~ tran smi rted diseases in the area, and attracted the attention of the Mumbai District AIDS Contro l Society, which now funds the project. They have acquired a mobile van, which is used to reach the mobile sex workers spread over the city. While Dr Kale was working in Neral, he came in contact with the adivasis (tribals) of the region who used to visit the primary heal th cemres. From them he heard about the lack of medical facilities in rhe region where they lived and also theif own traditional system of medicine and the herbs that they used to cure

themselves. ' I was fed up of the government hea lth system where health centres were full of corruption and ha rdly any medicines were avaibble to treat palients with,' he says. So, he decided to learn aYlI r veda, and later he trained in acupressure and acupuncture when he found that the adivasis were using crude forms of both tbese systems. A year ago, he res igned from his job and went to work for the adivasis. He lived with rh em, went off with the youth to the jungles to cho p wood and earned thcir trust and regard beforc he set up hi s clinic in their village. 'I realized that it is far more effective if the villagcrs are taught to usc their own tra ditional medicines more effectively. So, 1 learnt all about the herhs th e)' used, and taught them the co rrect ways to usc them. This way they have learnt to respect nature around them and no longer destroy plants random ly . This helps [0 protect the cnvironmenr,' he says. But, health is not all he is concerned about. He wants the tribals to learn how to make their own lives better..'1 don't want to do things for them, I want them to know their own rights and their own strengths.' So, he has set up a 'Kreeda Kendra' (Sports Centre) for the youth wi th a carrorn board , a few badminton racquets and shut tl ecocks and, of course, cricket and t he traditional sport of kabaddi. ln fact, there arc regular kabaddi and cricket matches among teams from different \'illnges. There is a M3hila Mandai (Wome n's Club) where he has encouraged women to make leaf plates and bowls to sell in the bigger town to ea rn money and keep Ih ei r money in personal saving accoun ts. In the Bhajan Mandai (Prayer Group) he educa tes the men about the il ls of smoking and drinking, the benefits of

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educating their children, both girls and boys and exhort'S them [Q trColt women with respect. 'Kuderan is going to be my ideal vill age,' says Dr Kale. 'Already people have sropped smoking :lIld drinking. The old men still ind ulge, but if a young boy rakes it lip, he is immediately treated as an outcast. All the children go to school, nnd the women have learnt [Q demn nd respect and fight for their rights.' The minimal faci lities at Kud eran serve nearly seventy to hundred tribal villages in a twenty-kilometre ra dius. Ki sho re Kale spends many nights at the village itself, because it is impossib le (Q rush to a seriously-ill patient from a distance o f thirty or forty kilometres at night. In stances of sn akebi te arc common, then there ;lre women in labo ur who cannot be left al one for the night. H e has no funds to buy an ambulance or even expand the facilities there. 'I have begun ro train some of the young boys in acupressure and acupuncture, and even employed a young doctor who will be here when I am away,' says Dr Kale . But he is sti ll hampered by lac k of fun ds. H e has specialized in the treatment and cure of paralys is and asthmil and people come to him fro m all the nearby towns and cities. 'From them, I earn my livelih ood,' he sa ys, 'but from the rribals, I can hardly take any money. Some o f them labour for a whole day to earn Rs 20 and then walk f',V O or three hours to come to me for treatment. H ow ca n I take away five or ten rupees of their meagre earn ings? Lf I only wanted to earn moncy I cou ld have continued in my job or set up a practice in a big town and lived com fortably. But I believe that a man's individua l Sllccess is meani ngless unl ess it has relevanc e to the soc iety he is living in. I •

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I NTRODUCTION

have struggled ha rd to get an edu ca tion, but I' m not the on ly one. There arc man )' poor students who nre stru&gling everywhere. What I have done after I got my degree is whnt is important.' And so he continues to do what he fi rml y believes in, despi tc all thc o ppositi on he faces. When he helped some upper-caste students with fees for thei r schooling, there was strong protest. 'There nrc eno ugh lowe r ca stes for yo u to help ,' he was told. 'But I don't be lieve in all this bbelling,' ~lSSe rt s Kal e. 'I help whoever is in need of help whatever their socinl position ma y be.' The greatest happiness that came to Kishorc Kale wa s when his mother decided a few mo nths ago to come and live with him. She had not spoken to him fo r fl'a rs because shc believed that he would scll the piece of land on his name when he was a stud ent. She wonted him to sign it over to her yejman (the man she lived with). 'I wanted to give that land to m y mother and bro ther, not to the man who had treated her so badly ::111 these years.' After many years, she realized that whatever she did, her first-born trea ted her with only love and affect ion and so she responded w id, an equal mC:lsurc of love and gratitude. He has educa led his brothe r l Deepak , who now lives and works with him. Shantabai speaks of Kisho re with tears in her eyes , 'He is ver~', very ha rd-working and determined,' she says . She realizes the injustice done to h im du e to her circumstances and ca nnot believe that the Kolhatyache 1'0r does not dcmean her and the life that she has had to lead. For ty-five ),ears old now, Shanrabai has fo und that the unwa nted son born to her whcn she wali merely fourteen years old, and abando ned by her has cha nged

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her life so completely in so many wa ys that she had never dreamt of. 'She was a prisoner of her circumstances and the mind-set of the sociecy that she li ved in,' says Kale. 'I have nothing aga inst her. All my life 1 only wanted to be good enough for her to love me, ro come

and live with me, and now I have got that.' Nana, the

Prologue

man she ii\'cd with for so many years and for whom she abandoned her so n, also visits Ka le regularly . Kale is now working on a new book, Kis Garu Se

Kahaon Main Hindu Hooll? '1 am not a

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writer,

and I ta ke no time off for writing. 1 write what I honestly believe and feel strongly a bom and I write when I am free fro m my othe r wo rk.' Kale has not chosen an easy life for himself; but then, even when he was a very small ch ild, he never cook th e easy option and life has tra ined him to swim against the current. Kishore Shantabai Kale, a poor, abandoned son of a ramasha dancer, has come a long, long way .

Sandhya Pandey

New Delhi June 2000

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have wal ked a long, long way-away fr om the dingy world of harshly lit thea tres, dusty wooden stages, shabby curta ins and crowds of men-men drunk, swenting, bughing, cl iling out to : m d teasing the brightly dressed wOlllen dancing to entertain them. I have left it all behind me, but the pulsati ng beat still echoes in my mind. The fas t furious beal of the dholak and th e ta bla, swift hands ha mmering out t he rhythm; th e crash ing of three pairs of glllmgroos as the dancers keep the beat with the ir fee t on the woode n stage; the main dancer in her tra ditional nine· ya rd sa ri, gold jeweller}' and fl ower· bedecked hair, ru nni ng, dancing, run ni ng . , . With swift, vigorous steps she cOllles fr0 111 thl! bac k of the stage ro the from, bends backward , collects a rupee from the hands of the man who stands there with a hu ge bundle o f r upee notes, and takes it to th e back; runs forward aga in, rakes another note .. . She goes o n lnd on- and the thu nderous lllusic, the sc reaming, swea ting spectators cl apping in fre m.y , the sho wers of [en pa isa and one rupee coins. She has tWO hund red one-rupce·notcs to collect. Two hund red times she rum, bends, runs, smiling al l the time. One by ont: she takes [he notes, nonstop . And a ll the time, the d ho lak, the

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KISHORE SHANTABA I KALE

tabla, the three pairs of ghungroos, the clapping, the shouting ... on and on. I was less than four years old, sitting in the vcry first rowan a tin chair, my heart bu rsting with joy and pr ide. It was my mother danc ing up there, my mother who was being showered with all that money. I revelled in her success, too young to feel the ache in her legs, the wc,uiness in he r heart. Yes, my mother, Shamahai Kale, was a tamasha dancer. 1 am her illegitimate son. My mother man:lged to free herself of the binding ghungroos, but T, like a ii rtle broken bell, was dropped, lefe in the care of Jiji. My story begins with Jiji.

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Chap ter One

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not of the Kolhati commun ity, she was :l Sal i, [ c caste of weavers. She lived in Sholapur with her mother Lakshmibai and brother Gangaram. Lakshmi was a quiet, good woman, but her husband was a weak, simple-minded m:tl1. His mother and brother used to beat Lakshmi and make her work as if she were a hullock on a farm . They did not spare him either, their own son :lnd brother. Fed up o f such a miserable and hopeless life, he left hOl11e olle morning neve r to return. A year i:ltcr, desp;1ir ing of cver being treated a ny berter, Lakshmi also ran away with hcr son Gangaram and daughte r T:lr:lbai or Jiji as everyonc called her. She thought she wou ld find he r husband if she looked hard l·nough. Gangaram was then twelve ycars olu, and J iji [en. l.3kshm i took :l bus to Karmala, a small town ncar Sholapur. She had no money and she diu not know whcrc she was headed. Pulling her children close to her she sat down in a corne r of the bus stop. Buses came and went. Pe ople walkcd past he r al ong the dusty road, occasionally staring at the desolate fami ly as they wellt by. The ch ildren were hungry, and so was Lakshmi, who looked around with tensc, fearful eyes. Just the n Krushn:t Kolh:lti saw her. iji

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I KISIiOIU: SHAN T ABAI

KALE

Krushna Kolbati was in Ka rm ala with 3. tamasha group that was putting up a show close to the bus stop. He saw this attracti ve and obv io usly un happy woman cowe ring in a corner of the bus Stop and eagerly npproached her. 'Where do you want to go Indy?' he asked her. Lakshmi, relieved that some body seemcd kind and helpfu l, told him her Sto ry. Krushna Kolhati rook Lakshmi and her chi ldren to;l restaurant nearby, bought them food and then took them home with him. Krushna was a married man with one son , Kondiba . Lakshmi became Krushna's second wife. She never eve r returned to Sholapur, and she never met her husband again. Lakshmi, of the Sali commlll,liry, became a Ko lhari. The Kolhati community of r"laharashrra is said to have migrated from Rajasthan. They were originally acrobats and jugglers, but powrty drove them to dancing. The dance form that evolved through their shows is called the tamasha or jalsa, and the genre of music and song to which it is performed is ca lled rhe !avani. A tamasha or jalsa is a da nce adapted to create a grea t deal of commotion and :mrac t attention. The dho lak is the predominant instrument, and its loud, fast r hythm is matched in sOllnd ilnd speed by the hu nd reds of ghungroos round the dancers' ankles. The singing is loud and in the early days, the songs we re romantic, sensual and suggestive. Over the ye~lfs, the rom ance has all but fl ed , and today they are largely suggestive and full of doub le en tendre. Songs from Hindi films are often more popular than the traditi onal songs. The Kolhari communi ty forces its women to dance to :lttrac[ mal e attention. Young, t'cen3ge virgins arc

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AGAINST All ODDS

given to men in a ceremony called 'chira utarna' with all the tra ppings of a wedding, but none of its s3nctity. The man pays a prefixed price for her vi rgini ty. As long as he visits her. she does not dance on stage and docs not see ilny other man. Hut if she is a bandoned by the mn n, she has to go bnck to the stage and earn mo ney which is appropriated by her father and brothers. A Kolhati family su rvives on che money earned by th e w omen o f the blllily. T he men co nsider a ny labo ll r below their dign ity. Their wives do not dance. but all other female relatives are made to step on the floo rboards of the dancing stage. They are gi ven no part of their earn ings. in fact they are given nothing at all in return. As soon as Ga nga ram and J iji were old enough, they received training in the traditional occ upation o f the Kolharis . Gangaram learned to play the dbol, Jiji lea rned danci ng and acrobatics. Kondiba, Kr us hn a Kolhnti's legitimate son, also grew into the accepted tradition of his community-he stayed at home and en joyed the fruits o f his sibl ings' labours. H e was a privileged member of the fami ly-he was the legitimate son after

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Lakshmi was not too happy about the way her daughter was being mou lded into an al ien profess ion. She wanted to get J iji married. But Krushna Kolhari had found himself a hen that would lay golden eggs and was not going to let her get away . Ji ji was pretty, with a fai r complexion and a straight nose . Years of tra ining had made her a gracefu l dancer and a competent acrobat. Krushna Kolhnri knew that she would bring in p lenty of money for him. Soon she sta rted trave ll ing from village to village with the troupes of Kolha ris and became 5

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extremely popu lar. O nce Jij i's tra vels took her to Nerla vi llage in Ka nnala district. Each evening every male for miles :lround wou ld garher to watch her perform. The show was put up under a ramshackle tent; Gangaram wit h his dholak, and other musicians with t he tabl a and harmonium sat o n one side of the makeshift stage. Centrcstage was the young Jijj respl en dent in he r traditional nine·yard sari with a gold border and a rich gold patlu. Round each ankle was a string of fifty bells. Her hair was tied in a bun decorated with fresh flowers. In each hand she held a bright ke rchief which she waved about as she danced to the energe tic, earthy beat. The tent was full oC people sitting on dhurries on the floor . Every few minutes one of tbem would stand and shou t our or whistle loud ly in ap precia tion or throw a rupee or twO towards her. Among the specrato rs was Madhavrao Paril. He wa s seated in the front row near th e stage as bcfitred his status o f landowner in the village. He saw Jiji and was captivated. 'This wo man must be mine,' he thought. As soon as the show ended he called Krushna Kolhati to his ho use. 'I like your daughte r,' he said to Krushna. 'Wh at will you take in exchange for her? Take wha teve r yOll like, but Jij i wili not travel from place to place dancing any more.' Madhavrao Patil was a rich la ndlord, and Krushna Kolhati knew he held a winning ticket. 'Why not settle down in o ne place if we a rc going to be taken care of? ' he thought. He agreed to let Jij i live with Madhav rao Pa ti i.

jiji had a central place in Mad hav rao Paril's life. He established her at h.is house, and the vil lagers respected her becn llse he treated her like a beloved wife. He had two earlier wives, bu t neither had produced an hei r. Jiji soon bore him a daugh ter who, unfortuna tely, d ied in her infancy. Madha vrao Patil stood by his commitment to Krushna Ko lh3ti. He gave him a six-room house to live in and gave jiji rwenry·five acres of land. The family now had plenty to live o n. Gangaram stopped playi ng the dh olak, and was put to work in the fiel ds, while Kondiba cont inued to relax at home. G3ngaram was epileptic and once, when he wa s watering the cattle at a stream, he had an epileptic fit, slip ped into the stream and drowned. Apart from this incident, life went o n smoothly for Krushna Kolh ati' s fam ily. With jiji 's suppo rt and encouragement, severa l other Kolhati famili es moved to Nerla and settled there . Kondiba married Kalava ti, a girl from Baramati and they had eight children-the eldest, my mother Shanta, fo llowed by Shalan, Sushcela, Rambha, son Popat, another daughter Ba by and sons Raju and Ankush. Eventually, Krushna Kolhati, his fi rst wife, and Laks hmi passed a way. Madh3 vrao Pati! became the acknowledged head of Krushna Kolhat j's fam ily. He provided them with a ve ry com rortable lifestyle. He did not wa nt a ny girl of the family to dance. Shanta , Kondiba's elden daughter, was his f3vou rite and he enrolled her in the local school. Soon her sisters followed. Shanta was a bright student and she wanted to be a schoolteacher. As soon as she was o ld enough, Ma dhavrao fixed her rnarri3ge with an officer in the Co nst ruction Department at Bidargao n.

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Madhavrao even tried to ger Kondiba to work. He sent him to the field and to the courts to look afrer his legal work. Life was running along on an even keel when disaster struck. Madhavrao Paril sudden ly died and Jiji was widowed. Like :l traditional wife, she broke off her mangalsutm, wiped off her kumkum, and lost forever her stature and privileged position in soc iety and within Kondiba's family. Kondiba, who until now been completely dependent on Jiji and Madhavrao and had hung upon every word Jiji uttered, assumed charge of the fam ily. Madha·vrao's death altered irrevocably the teno r of life for the Kolhali family. Jiji came to live with Kondiba. With this reversal in roles, her future now seemed uncertain. For a woman like her, life in a household without her man was fraught with danger. Too many such women died mysteriously. They were either burnt to death or poisoned by others in the family who perceived them as a competitor for the deceased man's property or money. Jiji accepted the role o f a widowed sister in Kondiba's household and, thereby, Kondiba's O1bsolutc O1uthority over her. She believed she had no option because she had no children and when she was old, her brother and his children would look after her if she rema ined subservient to them when she was young. Kondiba took full advantage of Jiii's docility. He sent her off to the fields to guard the crops. Jiji, who had been treasured by Madhavrao and never allowed to step out of the house alone, now spent her days in the fields while her brother st:lyed at home and wondered where and how he could get more money. Without

Madhavrao, the stream of cash had dried up and Kondiba was despcr01te. He was used to easy living and a regular diet of meat and alcohol. 'Shanta will have to earn for rhe family,' Kondiba decided . But Shanra was engaged and her wedding date was fas t approaching. Kondiba laid a devious plan. On the wedding day. instead of Shanta, he sent h is second daughter Shabn in to the mandap. Dressed like a br id e. her face covered with her sari, Shalan took Shanra's place. It was on ly after the ceremonies ended that the poor groom realized he had been d uped . Shanra was pretty, Shalan was dark and plain. As a dancer, Sha lan could never have attracted men and money the way Shant01 wo uld. Fortunately for Sha lan , her new husband was a largc·heaned man. Though he was furious with Kondiba, he did not vent his anger on Shalnn. 'Why did you do this,' he asked Kondiba. '\'Vhy are you ruin ing Shanta's life?' 'I would have been so happy if you were my wife,' he ohen said to Shant:l. But Shanta was not destined to enjoy the simple, respcctable joys of matrimony. Kondiba pulled her out of school when she passed the seventh class and sent her off to learn dancing. Shanta objected; she begged, she wept. '1 wallt to be a schoolteacher,' she cried. 'And what will you earn as a teacher?' demanded Kondiba. H e had no time for such sedate jobs, which brought plenty of respectability but very little money. When Shanra would not agree, he beat her until she gave in. She was sem off ro Ch:lndrakalabai's ramas ha party to

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learn dancing and singing. Shanta stepped au{ of hcr secu re chi ldhood, stra ight into a hostile world waiting to exploit her youth and beauty. She was then founeen years old. Chand rakalaba i's jalsa pa.rty was am: of the betterknown tamasha groups of the time. A Kolhati tamasha pa rty was set up by a dance r who had enough money to invest in t he basic musica l instruments and pay the players and other workers in the parry. The party usually had four or five \vomcn dancers, one of whom was the main da ncer. There was a dholak player who was also the dance teacher, a harmo ni um player who taught music, a tabla playe r, a man who played the triangle and a female cook. Besides, there were a few women who looked a fte r the dancers' children as rhe dancers themselves rarely had time for them. Chandrakalabai's group used to travel by bullock cart to villages and towns putting up shows. The arrival of the tamasha pa rty in a village or town was a matter of grea t excitement . The group us ually stayed at the local municipal school, and set u p a tent under which the da ncers performed. People se nt them food, usually groceries like flour and rice and dal. By the time Shanta joined the gro up, acrobatics and tightrope walking were a ba ndoned, and they on ly danced. TickelS were so ld in the even ing just before the show began, but long before dusk , all the vi llagers, young and old, came to have a look at the group . The tamasha group had a roof to sleep under, no Illore. In the absence of bathrooms, the women bathed in the open, behind a curtai n made from an old sari or a piece of canvas. These m.:tkcsh iJt cunains were never thick enough to give them complete 10

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artj rather th ey were men out to enjoy an evening of earthy plcilsure. Man y of them came to the show drunk; some of them threw pebbles at the dance rs, others winked :It them and, occasionally, one of them would ask the singe r to si ng a song of his choice. Most of them gave money to their fav ourite dancer. The custom was m either throw money on the srage (i f it was a small amount) or wave it around with loud com pliments and comments till th e man who played rhe triangle C3me and co llected it. H e then stood near the sugc while the dancer came up to him and took the money. Dancing up to co llect rhe money was a complicated affair. The dancer came from the back of the stage doing particular steps, took rhe money and went back

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delight. But every once in a while, if another dancer was unwell or unable to dance she had to ra ke her place and this provoked the audience to sho ut, 'If you can'r drmce, wh y arc yo u here?' Most Kolhari girls arc sem off to learn dancing when rhey are nine or ten years old because their youn g bodies arc flexible and can be easily trained. Many of these girls never go to school. But Shanra had spent seven long years in school dream ing of becom ing a schoolteacher. She was a teenager when she was forced ro lea rn da nc ing, and her body never acquired th e flexibility and grace that women who started young

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again. One of these steps was the 'ghod.3 ' or horse in which she squatted and, in that posture, pranced around like .3 horse. Ir made the dancer's legs ache and her calf musclcs so re for da ys on end. In :lOother step shc bem backwards and collected the coin or note by sticking it to he r forehead. Sometimes an ad mire r would hand over a hundred or two hu ndred rupces 10 the triangle man in one-rupce notes, and the dancer would have to run up and down the stage collec ting each note. When she did this, the musicians played just one thro bbi ng beat and the other dancers stamped their feet and added rh e sou nd of their ghu ngroos to the framic rhythm . This droye the audience to a fren zy and the dancer to exhaustion. All the money colk:cted during a show was later divided among the members of the group. Shanta was nor a good dancer, but she sang beautifull y. At most shows she stood by rhe ha rmonium player and sang song after song, much to the spectators'

The men wh o flocked to see the shows did nor 3pprcciate Shama's dance, but they liked to look at her 3nd hear her sing. Much to her disgust ma ny a bold spcct:uor would try to hol d and squeeze her hand or touch her. The village dada of Manv:lt lusted after her and had almos t succeed ed in kidnapping her. Fi nd ing her alone for a moment nca r the sc hool bui lding, he had sne:l.ked up, nung her over his shou lder and wal ked off into the d:uk fields. Luckily for Shanra, Chandrakalabai's strapping brother hea rd her cries and came to the rescue. He argucd and fou ght with the rogue and managed to bring Shanta back. But, anticipating more trou ble, the group had to pack up in ha ste and leave early the next morni ng. In an other village, a poli ce man had threatened to do the same. Shama was frightened and disgusted by th is li fes tyle. Luck ily for Shanta, ir was during this peri od that Chandmkala bai decided ro settle down with an 3dmirer. Though she had alwa ys had plenty of men begging her

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to live with rhem, Chandrnkalabai had rejec ted all offers. But the latest admirer was a forceful personali ty who would not let her sli p o ut of his grasp. lIe offered her land, gold and a house, nnd Cband ra knlabai succumbed. Kolhati women who dance for a livelihood a rc always on rhe lookout for a man who will provide them with food and ' shelter. As soon ns such <1 man comes along they give up dancing. But some love the an, and dance till they a re old. Chandrakala bai wem off to live with her man, and her dance party broke up. Most of the girls joi ned other groups, but Shanra went home. Kondiba was angry and unhappy to see Shanta home. 'Who is going to feed the fam ily?' he demanded. Shanta told him of her troubles and tried hard to make him understand her disgust at the life she had to live. She pleaded with him to be :lllowed to go back to school. Bur to Kondiba, his daughters were moneymaking machines. That they had feelings, desires, dreams was someth ing he would never acknowledge. Sh:lnta fclt tra pped. H er father would nor allow he r to pursue lu:r studies and her sti nt with the tamasha party had al ready b randed her a tamnsha dancer, so who would now m arr y her ? Where could she go? N:lIndeorao j:lgtap was the MLA from Karm:lln district. Elections were round the corner, and he went from door to door asking: people to vote for him . One mo rning he w en t lO Nerla, landed up at Kondiba's doofll tep, and saw Shanta. He asked Kondibu not only for his vote, but also for his daugh ter. '~ am e your price, Kondiha , and let your daughter

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live with me,' he said. 'I will not let her see anybody except you and she will not dance any more, but Shanta will live in my house. You can visit her whenever you w is h,' re plied Kondiba. I-Ie knew that once a man tired of his mistress he would ill-treat her or even abandon her. Besides, if the girl stayed home, the money would pour into her fath er's pocke ts. So it came to be that Shunta was given to Namdeorao Jagtap with all the 'ceremony' of the-<:hira marna, the Kolhati ritual of selling a virgin girl. The fir st man in a Kolh.tt i girl's life had to pay her bmily a certain amount of money, or agree to pay it over a fixed period of time. The money may be paid in cash, gold o r Innd . On the first night Shanta WaS dressed in a rich, red sari, gold jewellery, a mangalsutra and even toe rings-just like a bri de. A room in he r fathe r's six-room house was decorated with Howers :lnd the teenaged Shama was handed over to jagrap wi th much rejoicing. Ja gcap was a pol it ici:ln and Ko nd iba co uld sec his pock e ts overflowing. In Shanta's life, as per Kolhati tradition, jagtap took th e place of a husband, even though she was an unwilling bride. As long as he main t:l ined her :l nd her family, she would not have sex with any other man. He was her ' k:tja' or 'yej man', her master. Kondiba was now a ha ppy ma n. H e had kept up the fa mily tradition. His father had sold Ji ji's young bodyjiji, who he had found as 3 little girl in a corner of a bus stop, and Kondiba had sold his ow n daughter's you thfu l body. H is heart mellowed towards his young duughrer, who had bro ught a shower of money to his house. 15

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Thanks to her, he could eat meat every day and drink to hi s heart's content. He was proud that a n MLA was a regular visitor to his house. A few months later, Shanta got pregnant. ' Let ~he child grow,' said Ko ndiba. '1r is a politician's child , might be useful to let it live.' When Shanta was twO months pregnant, jagta p w an ted to rake her away to Karmala. 'Let her live w ith me,' he said to Kondiba. But Kondiba refused. He remembered what had happened to Chandrakalabai when she went to live w ith her ric h paramour. Within a few momhs, someone from his family had poisoned her. This was a common occurrence. The mcn who kept Kolhati women as mistresses were usual!y rich, and their family members did not like either money being spent on these women or the risk of the re being any claimant to the property when he died. Often, the man him self tired of her and then he would get rid of her by killing her or even selling her off to another ma n. Kondiba did not want to risk this. How could he lose his most promising child? \'V'hen Jagtap realized that Kondi ba was no t going to let Sh anta come away from N erla, he gradually sropped visiting her. Just a few months ago, Shanta had been a bride, even if a reluctant one. Now, as suddenly, she was an abandoned woman with an unwanted chilci growing in he r womb. She waited for Jagtap for 3 month, tWO m onths. Worry and despair made her pai nful!y thin . Finally, her father said, ' Sai, the MLA is not goi ng to come. Better abort the chil d.' Draupadi, the local midwife·cum-abortionist was

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called. She made Shanta lie down all the floo r and starred rubbing and massaging her stomach as hard as she cou ld. Sh a nta sc reamed and screamed in agony, but no onc came to stop Draupadi, no one c lred. A girl whose virginity was lost commanded a far lower price in the tama sha b3uar. At last Oraupadi herself cou ld bear no ma rc. She said to Shanra's mother , 'The foetu s is three months o ld. I cannot make it fall. If I go on an y more, this girl will die.' Kondiba was annoyed because a dancer w ith a baby is of less value. Bur he had to let the chi ld grow. Shanra sta rred dancing 3gain even while she was pregna nr. If she had not returned to the tamasha, her family would have starved. None of the mcn ill her fam il y, neither ber father nor he r brothers, thought of finding some work. They did not work in the fields that had been given to J iji and ir did not occu r to them to even beg. So, ShaJlta continued to dance th rough her pregnancy. She toiled all night and travelled from place to place in bumpy bullock carts until she was eight months pregnanr. When her ni nth month began, she re turn ed to Nerla, where I was born.

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enough t ime to aSSlI:lge my hunger as the spectators would sta rr sho uting with impatience. If she did n't get back on stage they would pelt stones at the musicians and orher dance rs. So, Jij i was invariably left holding the crying baby and she did what she cou ld to q uieten

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was only about two months old when Ra i (as 1, and everyone else in Ncrla called my mother) rejoined thr.: jals:l party. This time, Jiji also accompanied Bai to look after me. Jiji had come a long, long way from rhe tenyear-old Sali girl she had been when Krushna Kol hari had (ound her huddled in a corner of a bus stop. From a Sal i. fare made her a Kol hati. Kolhati Jij i bec3mc M rs Patil, and from a Pat il's wife, she turned into a w idow who had to accompa ny tamasha groups to look

after a baby.

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Bai had no time to spa re for me. All night she was on stage singing and danc ing, all day she rested and dealt with the men who vis ited the group's rooms. A tamasha dancer has no time for her own children. Rai

oftcn had no t ime even t o breast-feed me. Jij i used to get some milk in a bowl, dip a piece of cloth in it and squeeze the drops into my mou th or let me suck on the cl oth. When I was very hungry, Rai suckled me for a fcw minu tes before she went on stage. But o ften th:lt was n't enough fo r a growing baby an d I cried piteously with hunger. M y wails cou ld be heard all over the hall. Bai would rush b:lck from the stage and fry to feed me quick ly, so that 1 stOpped crying. But there wa s never

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I was about fi ve months old when the j;:i1S:l party went to Dhcbcgaon. Jiji now not o nly looked after me bur also kept a close watch on the men who approached Bai. Drun ken spectators sometimes hurled abuses ar the dancers, and it was Jiji who wou ld shout them down. Once at Dhcbegaon, a drunken man suddcnly ca me forward, caught Bai's hand, and pulled her down to hi m. Bai fell. When Jij i saw t his, she dumped me on the ground where she stood a nd charged forward picking up the mbaJchi's chappal on the way. She th rashed th e man with it, yel ling, 'You bastard, you pimp! She's a dance r, not a whore . Iler da nce is an art. Do you understan d ?' The man was fur ious. He dared not retaliate in that crowd, bur he said , '1'11 see you tomorrow . I'll see how you continu e to dance in this village.' T he group pulled up its tent and left Dhebegaon that very night and went to Sangli. At Sa ngli, a landowner and dada o f the town saw Bai. He went to Jiji and demanded that Sha ntabai be allowed to live with him. jiji said, 'I can 't do that. I have to ask her father and do wh:u he says.' Bai was frighten ed . The man was a thug and Ji ji decided that the bes t course wou ld be to quiedy ru n awOl)' from Sangli . But the dada was on the loo kout, 3nd the moment he saw them leave the theatre with

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luggage he C:l m e up with his ruffians and demanded to know where they were going. 'Send Shanrabai [ 0 me for at least one night' he said, 'Or else r will kidnap her and then yOll won't' find any trace of her ever again.' Jiji wa s so terrified that she agreed to send Shanta to him. The panic-stricken group decided that somehow Bai had to escape the rogue's clutches. Finally, Malan's (the party owner's) brorher decided that Ji ji should hide at! night in the field s with Ba i and me, and leave at

dawn. Jij i and Ra i wcnt into the fields in th e evening on the pretext of wanting to defecate. (There were no toilers in those days.) Th ey stayed there all night. Jiji had a hand p ressed down o n my mouth in ca se I cried and was hea rd . At dawn they boarded the first bus leaving Sangli and returned to Ne rb. It was as if they had esca ped the clutches of Yamadev, the God of Death. At Nerla, Bai aga in begged Kondiba to allow her to remain ar home . She dreaded going back to th e tamasha. Bur again Kond iba ignored her pleas and bea t her. He had decided that his you nger daughter SusheeJa would also train to da nce in the tamasha . Susheela was a bout e!~ven .years old, just the righ t age to begin tra ining. SO JI]I, Bal and my Sushecla maushi--ou r term for materna l aunts- join ed Andharya 's ialsa parry. Th is group had just tra,:,clled all over western M a harashtra and had now decided to to ur M :uathwada. They had heard that there were rea l 3rt lovers in Marathwada , who, they hoped wou ld appreciate them better. They reached Dharur; and there Bai me r Dharurkar. Dharurkar was a very rich, elde rl y alcoholic. He 20

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came to watch the tamasha every evening, and fell in love with Bai. He said to J ii i, 'Jij i, what do you get ou t of all this travell ing and dancing in stra nge places? You arc just ruining th is lovely girl 's life. Sh.tn ta looks like a princess. Keep her a way from this envi ronment. I will give you more money than yO ll can earn provided you take Shanra home a nd keep her there.' So, jiji, Bai and I came home. I wa s about a year old. Susheela continued her training with Andhar ya's group. Dharurkar visited Bai once a week a t Ne d a. a n,d provided a ll rh e money needed to. r un KOlld.,ba s household. At last Bai had found some kmd of happmess . To Dha rurkar's grea t joy, she bore him a son, whom du:y named Deepak. Ba i persuaded and helped Dha rurkar give up alcohol. But, it was already roo late. D harurk~r was old and yea rs of heavy drinking had damaged hiS liver. Unfortunately for Sai, he soon died and o nce again Shantabai was left alone, heart-broken and with no mea ns of su rvival. My grandfather, Kondiba a joba, sent Brei back to the stage, back to her ghungroos to earn the bread for the fam ily again. Susheela had also comple ted her train ing. She was as pretty as Shanrabai, and Kond iba and his sons now dreamt of big sums of money that the tWO gi rls would bring in. They had to wait for some time, however, because harvest was near. Kondiba ha~ given Jiii's fields to a poor farme r o n batai. Under thiS arrangement, the fa rmer did all the work in the fi elds and the harvest was equally divided between him and Kond iba . Beca use of the harvest, Ji ji could not accompany the girls to the jalsa party. She had to guard the cro ps. She was forty- five years old, bur qu ite robust. She went 21

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off to the field at the begi nning of the season and returned on ly when the en tire crop had been harvested and their share brought home. Like a man she spent the nighrs in the dark, lanely field, with no one around for at least a mile. Kondiba and his sons stayed comfortably at home. Life had made Jiii quite tough. When Madhavrao Paril was alive, jiji was the ruler of Kondiba 's household. If she raised her voice, my grandmother, Kalavari aji hid in fear and the rest of the household tremb led. Now Kalavati, with two daughters who would bring in money for her, had the upper hand and she ill-treated Jiji. She abused her and called her a barren widow. She d id not give her enough food. If she cooked mcat she would send some warcry gravy with a few bones in it to the field for jiji. Otherwise, it wns just bhakri (u nleavened bread ) with chut ney or thecha, a paste of garlic and red chillies. Jiji used ro get angry :lIld sometimes refuse to eatj but an empty stomach bas to be filled, and she had to give in and eat whatever was given to her. Once the jowar was harvested and Kandiba's share brought home, Jiji was free to go with the girls to the jalsa party. jiji, Shanra, Sus hecla, Deepak and I left Neda and joined Neelabai's group. A theatre had been bu ilt ar Sc lu, and that is where the group went. At SeJu, Bai danced for the first time in a proper th eatre or sangeet bari. Theatres like this one had come up all over the region and the jalsa party no longer had to travel fro m place to place. The group signed a contract with the theatre owncr to perform there fa r six months or a yea r. The thea tre consisted of one large ball with a stage. Next to it were five or six rooms, in which 22

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the groups li ved. There were bathrooms and toilets. In from of rhe hall was a small room wi th a window through which tickcts were sol d. Across the road from the theatre was a tea stall th:l.t also so ld some snacks, and a pan shop. At least five or six tamashu groups were in residence at the theatre at a time. Each group had one room to live in. Each group performed for half an hour or forty-five minutes on stage. The show began at eight p.m., but really came [0 life at abom ten p.m. So, the group that performed first was given another forry-fiv e minutes at the end of the show. Around o ne a.m., afrer the show ended, the special sessions, or baithaks. started. Bailhaks were held in the room of the group or, ra rely, even on the stage for an admirer who wanted to see his fav ourite dance r perform again. He had to pay at least Rs 300 and could bring a few of his friends with him. Half the money earned from these sessions had [0 be given ro the theatre owner. Baithaks went on till early morning, often winding up only at dawn. It was a trying life. The dancers danced all night, with a smile fi rmly in place even when they were exhausted and sleepy. The next day everyone got up around eleven a.m., bathed, ate lunch and either went back to sleep or practised a song or a dance. For a new dancer, this kind of life was hell, but sooner or later they got used to it. There were four or five groups at the Sclu theatre. Susheela (urned out to be the best dancer there. Bai had worked hard at improving her singing and the ShantaSushee!a tenm became immensely popular. At Selu, the golden period that Kondiba had long dreamed of began. The two sisters attracted large crowds and money

KlSHOR E SHANTARAI KALE

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sta rted pouring in. Men, young and old, rich and poor, flocked to Jiji asking for my aunt Susheela, demanding that she be allowed to live with them as their mistress. But Jiji and Bai always refused. They both now knew that men sweet-talk a girl into becom ing their mistress, but as soon as she has a child, they abandon her. Shantabai had persona lly suffered this. So, gently, but very fi rml y, they turned back all Sushecla's prospective lovers. Among the rich men of Sclu who regularly came to see the tamasha was Sopanrao Golegaokar. Sopanrao was forty-five and owned nearly 300 acres of land . He was happily ma rried but had no children. Sopanrao's wife had been urging him to ma rry again for the sake of an heir, to no avail. Bu t when he saw Sushecla, Sopanrao changed his mind. Sushecla was young, pretty, properly dressed and well-behaved. She always covered her head with her pallu, her hair was neatly paned in the centre and ticd at the back. Both the sisters had been to school and their language had a degree of refi nement that was absen t in the res t of the tamasha dancers. Sopanrao was sure that Susheela was the right choice for a second wife. He even brought his first wife to meet and approve of her. Then he approached Jiji and offered to pay whate"er she wanted fo r Susheel a. He promised tha t he would look after her like his own wife. But Jiji refused. 'I am sorry, saheb,' she said. 'Susheela is but a teenager and she has just started dancing. Her father does not want her to Stop dancing and he will neve r let her stay at home with you .' Sopanrao even went to Kondiba and begged him for

Sushceia, but Kondiba was in no mood to stop Sus hec1a's danc ing. Finally, Sopanrao gave in. He agreed to let Sushee\o. continue da ncing, as long as she stayed with him in his house. In return, he agreed to give Kondi ba whatever money he wamed whenever he needed it. So, $opa nrao Go legaokar performed the ch ir a urarna ceremony for mr Sushee\a maush i. Sushecla was treated with great love and affection not only by Sopanrao, but also his fi rst wife .and the rest of his family. Sopanrao fulfilled Susheela's every desire. He bought her a tabla and harmon ium and establ ished a new ramasha group fo r her, the license for which was in Bai's name. He treated Ba i like a sister. Within a year Sushecla had a baby girl and the entire Golegaokar family rejoiced. They held the naming ceremony for the baby and invi ted the whole vill age to a fcast. The li ttle girl was named laya. Sopanrao and Sus hccla were very happy. Susheela on ly went to the thea tre to da nce in the • evenmgs. Soon after l aya was born, Kondiba dec ided to get his eldes t ' son, Popat, married. He came to Selu and asked Sopanrao for money for the weddin g. Sopanrao told him that he did not have enough cash at hand. 'Why don't you wait fo r fou r to five months until my peanut crop is harvested?' he sa id, 'then I can give you as much money 3S you want. Get Popat married in the summer.' Kond iba was enraged. He h>ld decided to get Papat ma rri ed wi thin a mont h and he felt that an y pos tponement would mean a loss of face in the community. How could he postpone his son's wed d ing because of lac k of cash when , with two daughters

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dancing and earning for him, he was supposed to be a rich man. H is fragile ego could not allow his desire to be thwarted. So, he ordered Jiji to move the tamasha group from Sclu and decreed that Sushecla was not to live with Sopanrao any more. Thus, in one stroke, Kandiba (h.-s trayed the relationship be twee n Sushceb and Sapanrao. It was as jf he had picked up a duster and wiped Sapa nrao our of Susheela's life. Susheeb was miserable, bu ttoo you ng to know what was good for her and too frightened of her filther to defy or even argue with him. Poor Sopanrao cried and begged, 'At least leave 111)' little daughter with mc. She is the only child and heir I have.' But Kondiba would have none of it, and the Shanta· Susheela jalsa party left Selu. As it turned out, for one reason or another, Popat's wedding could not take place till six months later, bur Sushecla maushi's on ly chance at a stable, happy and dignified life had been completely destroyed. At Para Ii, Shobha and Sumita, two cousins fr om Nerla, and two dancers from Dombara also joined the group. Susheda maushi and Bai had turned into an exceJ!enr dancing and singing team. Bai had finally accepted her life as a [asrnashn dancer. She enjo)'ed singing and tried to improve all the time. She had also become bolder and was no longer :lEraid of the life she ha d to lead. There were threc other groups at the Gangavalan thearre at Parali J but none of them were as successfu l as Shanta-Susheela. The dancers of all the groups often laid bets on who would attract rhe most crowds each evening. Rich men and lovers of dance :md music came all the way from Sangli, Kolhapur and

Latur to see the shows. As soon as Bai started singing, they would bet o n who would brcnk the sequence of songs. This was an accepted practice in which a spectator would give the singer money to sing the same song over and over again rather than go on to another onc. I was now four years old J and could follow evc ry1.hing th ar was happening in the theatre during a show. 1 llsed to sit on a chair in the from row and watch the dancers closely. The next da y, , amused everyone with imitati ons of each danccr. Every evening J the theatre fill ed with men eager to hear Bai sing and see my aunt dance. B), now, it had become common practice to sing and dance to the l:lCcst Hindi film songs rather than to the traditional lavani songs. The women had learnt to deliver what was demanded . One day, fiai was si ngi ng the filmi song, 'Dum Maro Dum', which, in the hugel}' sliccessful movie, Hare Ramo Hare Krishna, of the early '70s, showed Zeenat Arnan, the sexy ac tress, in a mini dress swaying to it in drugged stupor. A spectator gave her ten rupees and asked her to repeat the song. A police inspector siuing in the special cabin at one side o f the stage pa id more money and the son1; was sung again. Then the first spectator offered thirty rupees. Thi s started off a competition between the two. More .md more monev• was offered and Bai had to sing the same song over and over again. Both the spectators were drunk and had plenty of money. Bai's melodious voice echoed round the hall. Dancers from the other groups realized that something unusual was happening and came into the ha ll to watch the spectacl e. The shower of onc rupee and ten paisa coins by the audience was

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turning into a deluge, and the clink of the coins added to the music. I felt so proud of my mother. I always loved it when Bai was showered with money and fett very angry when any other dancer received as much attention. I didn't think anyone but Bai was entitled to such praise and riches. But Bai was now tiring. Her throat was dry, and she found it difficult to hold the notes. The constant shouting of the audience and the beat of the dholak and tabla throbbed in her temples. The drunken inspector yelled, 'You cuntl Is the money too much for you, can't you sing properly anymore?' Bai W
AGAINST ALL ODDS

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they came to meet the two women. Bai's singing had improved tremendously. She now planned to take lessons in classica l mlls ic from a good teacher. The beauty of her face and her gentle nature still attra cted men and they often begged her to give up her way of life for them. They said she was roo good to lead such a life. They offered to build her a house, to buy her as much land as she wanted in Ncrla or elsewhere. But bitter exper ience had taught Bai not to trust such sweet-talk. She knew that when she gave up her singing and dancing for a man. he would visit her for a few days and then the great adventure would be over for him and he would disappear. Lik e a worn-out piece of clothing she would be discarded. No, no more of that agony. She loved singing and had settled into this kind of life. 'Come here if you appreciate my art,' she sa id to 31l of them. 'But if you wane to stop me from singing and dancing, then please stay away.' One of the daily visitors to the show at Parali was Krushnarao Wadkar. H e was fr om Sonepeth about thirty-five kilometres from Para Ii. Though he was of the Sa Ii community of weavers, the villagers called him Sahukar, because he wa s the moneylend er in Sonepeth . Nana, as Kru shnarao was nicknamcd. would start giving Bai money from the moment she appeared on stage, and kcep up the stream till the show ended. Often there would be no time to accept the mon ey other people offered. Nana usually came accompanied by his friend and the two also held baithaks almost every day. Nana was always dressed in pure white. well-ironed clothes; his arrival was preceded by the smell of his attar, which 29

KISHORF. SH AN T ABAI KAL E

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all the women rccogni:lcd. H e wore three gold rings on his fingers and a thick gold chain round his neck.

nowhere to go but the streets. If a dance r has children, they care for her, but if she is childless, she becomes a beggar a nd dies o n the streets. Besides, Sahukar, Shanta is not one to be lured by money. Lea ve her alone and go home.' 'I swear with my hand o n my son's head, that I will never do anything: to make Shan ta unhappy, I will never betray her trust. But if she does not come with me, J will kill mYl'elf right here.' :"Jana went on like this day after day. While Nana wus spending aU his mo ney on Hai, Ramesh ll a ril was chasing Sush eela. Ramesh was a young college student who was complete ly ena m o ured of Sushcela. All through the show, there was a continuous shower of money--on Shamabai from Nana, and o n Sus heela fro m Ram csh PatiJ. The Shanta-Sushecla group was making Its 2000 to Rs 3000 eve ry evening. T he women from oth er groups were filled with envy, bur no one as much as Hausabai who ha ted them with a vengeance . Hausa bai had long been acknowledged as the best dancer among all the tamas ha groups o f Maha rashtra. But now the Shanta-Sushecla group had br surpassed her. She tri ed to sour [his tremendou s success with a bi t of homespun witchcraft. Sha ntabai would oiren find stuffed lemons or rag dolls in her rool11 . Sh e saw Hausabai putting these things there but decided [ 0 ignore it. Hausabai made things wo rse by making rude gestures at Ba i whenever she passed by. Finally, one day Bai saw her throw ing a rag d oll, a sure sign of black magic, into her roomi furious , she caugh t Hausaba i by her long hair a nd stll rted shouting and hitting her. The other women hea rd the commotion and

Everyday he brought so me food for the women. Bai was very th in and he brought al monds and cashews fo r her. Nalla was in love with Shantabai , and he did not like her talking to anybody else. He gave her enormous amounts of money and begged her with tca rs in his eyes to come and live with him. But Shantaba i had heard it an before and she did not give in. So, Na na started coming early every morn ing. H e arr ived at their room w ith his gifts of snacks and stayed there till the show began. T hen he went into the hall ro watch the show and pour money o n Bai. Later he asked for baithaks and f inally returned home w ell past midnight. All da y Nana would plead with Bai to come live with him. He promised to treat her very well, to buy her land, to buil d her a house. By the end of the day hi s eyes would be red with weeping. The women in the group tried to make him see rcason. 'Don't go on like this, Sahukar,' they said to him. ' We have our problems, too. Da ncers like us arc not here ou t of choice, bu t from necessiry . We wou ld much rather have hu sba nd s :md our ow n homes to live in. But, this is the only way o ur fathers and brothers and their families can survive . M en like you come to us and persuade us with you r c harming tal k and money to give up dancing, but after a while you tire of us, and then we a fe left to get along as best as we ca n. Like a flower that has lost its fragrance, we a fe thrown out. \Y..'c lose e verything-our youth , our families and our dreams. \'1here are we supposed to go then? Society docs not loo k kindly on poor, old dancers, S
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ran out. Sushecla and Sumeeta also joined the fight and they sat on Hausabai's stomach and chest and beat her. Hausabai left that very even ing and took her group off to Larur. All the money thar Shantaba i and Susheela earned was given over to Jiji. J iji kep t this money sa fely to be handed over to Kondiba. After all their hard work and miserable life, they had not a pa isa to their name. Ji ji was so loyal to her brother th at she never cheated him of even one rupee. Th is, of course, never prevented Kondiba from treating J iji disgracefully. While the women deprived themselves of all comforts, Kondiba lived a lavish lifestyle. He ate meat and chicken, and drank to his heart's content. Kondiba also loved co lend money to his in· laws, so that they would be impressed wi th his riches. One day Kondiba came to Pa ra li to shop fo r clothes and other things for Popat's wedding. Nana was in the room when Kondiba came, and he took him off to the market. Nana bought everything Kondiba needed for the wedding and a very satisfied Kondiba left with a big bundle of dothes the same evening.

AGAIN ST ALL ODDS

The contract with the ParaU theatre came to an end. It was a sad farewell after a year-long associatio n. The group moved to a theatre at Latur. Nana continued to vis it Bai at Latur and spe nt all his money o n her. He still wept and begged ber to stop dancing and live with him. He even threa tened to poison himself if she didn't agree. Nana's persistence was beginning to convince Bai that he was serious about her. Rai's life had been mad!.' miserable by Kondiba and Ji ji. She earned thousands of

rupees, but was not allowed to keep a ny for herself. Kondiba took it all and made merry with it. Jiji was also very rough with the girl s. Life had turn ed Jij i into a bitter woman. She periodically beat Shanta an d Sus hecla because Kondiba had warned her that if she did not keep a very tight rein on the girls, they might run away. Kondiba shomed at Jiji and called her all kinds of names if he tho ught that she had not given him all the money that was earned. So, Jiji kept very tight hold on the cash and did not let anybody spend an • unnecessary paisa. As soon as the sun went down, the room at Latur would fill up with all kinds of men. There were teenagers, old men and every age in between. When the men went away, the women often laughed at them. 'Tha t gentleman has no teeth in his mouth a nd still he finds his way here every evening. Look o ut Sumeeta, he is eyeing you!' 'Yes, a nd your young man hasn't even sprouted a moustache yet! God, what a life we lea d. The doddering old men and the kids just out of their shorts-they all have the itch.' When the men came into the room, fiai immediately asked Jiji to ta ke me out. But sometimes I refu sed to go, because she always kept Deepak with her. At such times [he men would talk to me or give me a rupee o r two. Sometimes chey even took me out or bough t me something ni~e to ea t. There was a young man called ulya with the group . He had no family of his own and stayed with us and did all rhe odd jobs. It was Lalya who filled the drinking water, rook the jowar to th e tlourmill and ran odd jobs for the gentlemen who held

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special sessions or visited the room. Lalya was small and delicate looking and had a feminine voice. The men who came there often teased him saying, 'Laiya, come here and give me a kiss.' 'Go away. have you no other business,' Lalya usually responded. I loved to tease Lalra, too. He wore shorts and I used to creep up behind him and pull them d"own. Lalya would yell loudly and complain to Jiji while 1 ran away, laughing. The theatre was my home, and I was very happy and secure there. Then, suddenl y, out of the blue, Bai decided that I must go back to Nerla. She, however, kept Deepak w ith her. I was four years old, and I didn't know what 1 had done to be sent away from my home like this. It would be many. many. very harsh years before I would ever understand this. But at that time, at the age of four, I learnt the hardest lesson of my Iife-Ba i loved Deepak far morc than she would ever cnre for me. I left the familiar environment of thc jalsa party and went to live in grandfather Kondiba's I}ouse.

Chapter Three

N

ana's dogged persistence finally eroded Shama's resistance. Nana was a married Illan with three daughters ami a son. Shanta hnd hea rd gossip nbout Nana's earlier affairs with othcr dancing women. 'Why do you chase dancers like me when you have a wife?' she asked Nana. 'If my wife made me happy, would I have ever sought happiness outside?' Nann gave the age-old ma le reply and Shanta, softened . by his long professions of love, tired of her miserable life and fuIl of hope for a better tomorrow, believed him. H e promised to build a house for he r and buy her farmland. 'I'll make yOll so hnppy,' he said . Shanta succumbed to his persuasion, to the dreams that he showed her, to the vision of a quiet life away from the jalsa pany . She decided to be bold, to take her life out of Kondiba's hands and place it in Nana's ca re. Nann and Shanra had to plan carefully , because if Jiji got the slig htest hint of what was brewing in Shanta 's hean, she would have kept Shanra under lock and key. Every Friday, all the women of the party were allowed to go to the movies. On that fateful Friday, th ey had all pbnned to sec Shri 420. Shanta took the

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KISHORE SHAN T ,\IIAI

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keys of the trunk from Jiji on some pretext and quietly took out all her jewellery. Then she left with the other women ostensibly to see the movie. As soon as they were som(! distance from the theatre, she said, 'T don't want to see this 420 film. T want ro sec someth ing else. You girls go ahead. Deepak and I will go ;lnd sec another film.' She picked lip the two-year-old Decpak and walked as fast as she could to the bus depot. Nana was there waiting for her. They rook the first bus to Parali. From [here they rook a tonga to Sonepeth and straight to the Siddheswara temple. Shanta and Nana exc hanged garlands before God and then Nann sea red Sha nta in the tonga and took her home. Nan a's home was a big village house built in the traditiona l style. The main door led ro an inlier courtyard. On one side of this cou rtya rd wcre stai rs !ez.ding to an up per floor with two rooms. Nana's first w,fc and her two daughters, Jayashree and Rajeshree, and son, Surcndra, whom everyone called B'li1d ya . lived in these rooms. Nana's eldest daughter, Sumira, was married. In the corner opposi te these upper-flo or rooms were two large rooms with ti n roofs. One of them hou sed til(' flourmill. The other was Shantabai's room. In bctween was the cowshed which spread a rich aroma of cowd ung all o ve r the house. Nana had deaned and decorated the room before he brought Shama to So nepeth. There was a tiny kitchen in a corner with all the vessels and utensils she would need. There was even an attached bathroom. Shanta stepped happily into her new li fe in the tin-roofed room fi lled with the smelI of fresh cowdung and the din of the flourmi ll next co it. The villagers had hea rd of the Sahukar's second wife, the one who was 36

AGAi"'ST A LL

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also a well-known tamasha dancer) and they were all curious to see ber. Th roughour the day they stood outside her window o n one pretext o r the olher, hoping to catch a glimpse of the pre tty lady. But Shanra d id nor go to rhe window . She disliked the attention, and Nana would have been an noyed if she bad permitted even a glimpse of herself to the avid villagers. At Larur, Shanra's disappearance caused complete pa nic. When rh e other women returned from the movie, rhey looked for Shanta. At first they were nor [00 worried, ex peering her to be back soon. Jiii was su rprised and annoyed to know that Shanta had gone off to see another movie all by herself. She frerted :l nd kept loo king out :I t the entrance hoping to see Shanta returning with Deepak. 'Going off all alone 10 see a movie as if her linlc kid is her escort! I will have to get this Bai in line again, she is aski ng for a beating,' muttered Jiji. The minutes turned into hours and Shanta did nor appear. Pan ic set in. Jiji became frantic, the other women started crying. 'You who res, why did you all leave my girl alone? ' yelled Ji ji, beside herself with fear. 'Wha t cou ld have happened to my Bai?' She ran off to call the theatre owner and a search was made all ove r the town for Shantabai. The owner fi na lly informed the police. The police hunted for her, but there was no sign of Shanta. All kinds of fears reared their heads. 'Shanra has been kidnapped.' 'Sht! must have been killed.' 'Someone has taken her away and will rape and kill her. ' 37

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SusbeeJa fainted. Everybody wa iled. Jiji cried so

AGAINST ALL ODD S

for whom she would go back. Even if she had dec idcd to return, Nana would never have let her go. As the moneylender of the village, Nana commanded respect, one word from him and the villagers would rally around him to prevent Shant3 from leaving. J iji rerurned to Larur completely dejected. The jalsa parry seemed to have lost its verve and vibrancy. Sushecla was now the owner of the party. She had a good voice and sang the songs that Shanra lIsed to sing, but her heart was not in it. She often burst into tears in the nlidd le of a dance . The audience dwind led and went off in sea rch of other dance parties. Somehow, the remain ing two months of the contrae[ at La tur were completed. Kondiba's son, Popat's wedd ing day was ncar and there was no money to prepa re for it. So Sllshecla maush i accepted Ramesh Palii's proposal and he began to visit her regularly. He agreed to bea r aU the expenses of Popat's wedding. Soon the pa rty broke up and ]iji and Susheela returned to Ncrla.

On reaching Ne rla, Jij i and Sushecla info rmed Kond iba of Shanta's elopement. Needless to say, he was fur iolls and decided to bri ng Shanta back to Nerla. Kalavari, Shanta's mothe r, was so angry thar she also decided to go with Kandiba . They hi red a jeep and Mijas maushi, a rough lady who was related to Kondiba , and a few village hood lums also went along. The jeep arrived in' Sonepeth and stopped at the bus depot to as k for di rections to Krushnarao Wadkar's house. Nana saw the jeep and its occupants at the depot and ran home. By the rime Kondiba, Ka lavari and Mijas maushi reached his house, Nana had hidden Shamabai, his other wife and kids up on rhl! terrace. Hl! locked the door leading co the terrace and hid himself there as well. The Nerla sl!arch party was full of determina tion and bluster. They were aggrieved by the whole business and did nor intend returning home without the ir daughter. When they cou ld not find Shanta, they seated themselves in the cowshtd in the middle of the house and the two women began wa iling and shouting at the top of their voices. People who lived all the way down the lane could nlso hear them ram and rave in the ir loud, harsh • vOices. 'You corpse, you pimp, no good will ever come to you. You ki dnapped my daughte r, yO li have sepa rated her from her son, and now you hide on the rerrace like a woman. You come down and we'll rea r you apart. Luring my daughter away with all your cursed swectta lk.' They did not even spnre Shanta. 'You whore, Shantabai, come down herc, sitting up there wirh your gigolo. For how long do yOli think hc's

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much, she lost hee voice.

'How will 1 face my brother ?' she wonde red. The very next day, Jiji went to Soncperh to meet Nan
then he would help in finding he r somehow. She was delighted to see her beloved Shanta unharmed in Nann's house. But when Shanta told her that she had no intentions of returning with her. ]iji's heact sank. She begged, pleaded, cajo led, but Shanta rcm:l.ined unmoved. She was now a wife and intended remaining completely loyal to her man. Besides, there was noth ing in her earlier way of life that attracted her to it and Ilobody

KISlIOIt E SH .... NT .... ll/d K .... L I~

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going to take care of you? He'll scl l your flesh and bones. The moment your yo uth is over, he'll kick your arse. Then we'll see how you come home. Nobody will even take your dead body (a the crema tion grounds. You'll be thrown to the dogs.' Poor Shantabai sa t up on the terrace listening to this cr ude diatribe from her family. She knew thar everyone who cou ld was listening to every word that was being sh outed out. She was most embarrassed that Nana's wife and children were also witness to her family's uncouth behaviour. She wished she were dead. She covered her ears wich her hands and tried ro block OUI their voices. While all this commotion was going on, Dcepak had been our of the house, playing with some fri ends. Kana had scm a servanr through the backdoor to quietly fetch Deepak and bring him up to the terrace. But before the servant could find the child, Dcepak alld his friend came laughing and playing through the front door. With great delight Kalavati caught him in her arms and cu ddl ed him. Three-year-old Deepak was also happy to see his grandmother and hugged her. 'I've got your son now, Shanta,' Kabvati yelled. 'Come down and come with us, or 1 shall take him with me to Nerla.' And then they all walked away with Dcepak. Shantabai became frantic. 'Please, please bring my son back,' she begged Nana. 'I can't live without him.' She loved Deepak intensely. Nana ran to the bus depot. Luckil y, the jeep had run our of petrol and Kond iba and his fami ly were still there. Nana went to Kalavati and said, 'Why are you separating the child

(rom his mother? Give him to me.' Kalavari held Deepak even tighter and yelled, 'You ha\'e ruined my daughter, you have taken my Laksh mi, my Goddess of Forrune, away from my house, and now )'ou want my grandson as well!' Deepak hid his face in his grand mal her's sari. He was afra id of Nana, because Na nn was hor-tempered and strict with him. Finally, :-.l'ana had to give in and return home empty-handed.

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Popat mama' s wedding was only a few days away. Everybody was sure that Bili would come for the weddi ng because Deepak was there. I could hardly contain my joy. My mother is coming, my mother is coming, I would say to myself and prance up and down the lane outside our house. Two days before the wedding was the 'haldi', a ceremony in which the bridegroom is anointed with haldi-turmeric paste-as a token of good luck. Haldi is a natural antiseptic that keeps the skin and body healthy. The entire family participates in this ceremony, and all my relatives had already arrived . Another important ceremony called 'dad hi lavne' was to take place the same day . All the young boys of the family have their heads shaved on this occasion. Once a boy has gone through this ceremony he is confirmed 3S a Kolhati. At Popat mama's wedding, Deepa k, Kondiba's sons and my uncles, Ankush and Raju mama, Susheela maushi's son, Balaji and I were to go through this ceremony. We were to get new clothes and be dressed up like little bridegrooms. That da)', I got up very ea rl y in the morning and went to the r iver to bache. Then I brought 3 pOt of

KISHORE SHANTABAI KALE

AGAINST AU ODDS

water from a spring nearby and took it to the littlt temple under a banyan tree a cross our house. I bathed the gods rhere and prayed. I could hardly contain m)· joy fo r roday was the day my marher was coming home. Everybody said so. The bus from Sonepe rh stopped at Wa rkute, a small town two kilomerres awa y from Nerla. A man had been sent to Warkutc with the bull ock carr to bring BJi home. I was so excited that I could nor sit inside the house . I went off to the far end of our farmyard, which was just at the edge of the town, from where I could sec the dusty lane tha t wound its way fr om Warkute to Ne rla. Inside the ho use the ceremonies were soon to sta rr and people were looking for me. But my heart was fJr away in the distan ce where I was just beginning (0 sight the dust raised by the approach of the bullock cart. My hea rt beat furiously . I tho ught I must look neal and clea n for my mother, so I wiped my face raking care to wipe off my ru nn y nose. I hitched up my shorts and then as the cart came closer, I co uld no longer conta in my JOy. 'Bai has come, Bai has come.' I shouted loudly a nd raced as fa st as my six-year-old legs could ca rry me towards the cart, one hand holding up my shorts. I could see the women in it, some of them were dancers whom I knew. M y heart seemed to be burs ting. As the cart reached me, one of the women asked the driver to stop and I jumped into it, panting and so bbing and covered with dusr. In a second I knew tha t though there were many women in the cart, my mother was not one of them . The lady who had helped me into the carr sat me on her lap and her eyes filled with re:ns.

'She is not your mother,' o ne of them sa id. ' She is rour Badam maus hi. Your mother hasn't come.' • I alread y knew that, and my soaring heart had, within a second, sunk deep into anguish . All my aunts and uncles had come for the wedding. The house was filled with guests. Only Bai was not there. It was with heavy hearts that we went th ro ugh all lhe ceremonies and feasting at th e wedding. All the boys, who were to have their ' mundan' -shaving of the head-were anointed with haldi , dressed in new clothes and made lip like little bridegrooms. There was not a single dry eye throughout the ceremony. Bai had sent a gift of Rs 151 by money order, but she had not come. Years later, I learnt that Nana had refused to let her go. 'If you go, ' he had sa id, 'yo u can stay there. Don't bother co ming back. ' Bai had no choice. She pined for her sons, but remained durybound to her husba nd. She had never eaten a meal wirhout meat, but now she gave up meat altOgether and turned religious. She was so mise rabl e [hat she hardly ate at all, but she refused to go against her husband. At Neria, Decpak, too , pined for his mother. He was three, but not yet weaned off her breast, and after the first few days, he wanred co go back to his mother. He would start up from his sleep crying 'Bai, Bai'. His cheeks were no longer chubby and he looked pa lc and ill. He hard ly atc at all. Sushee la maushi looked at him and wondered what she would have felt were she in Bai's place? 'Has a woman no right to her ow n life? Is rhe only aim of o ur li vcs to provide a livelihood for our fathers

42

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KISHORt: SHANTABAi KALE

AGAINST ALL ODDS

and brothers? It is a sin fa be born a beautiful woman in a Kolhari family,' she decided. Things were not going well for Kondib3 and his family. There were fig hts among them everyday: everybody cursed, sho uted, all for no reaso n at all. On a couple of occasions snakes were found inside the house and had to be chased away or killed. This was considered a grave ill omen. One even ing everyone was at home, sitting around wondering why all this was bappening. I was sitting in one corner of the venlnd~ and Deepak was lyi ng down with his head on my lap. He was crying and I was patting him saying 'Bai, Bai' with tears ru nni ng down my cheeks. Nobody was paying us much attention until Sus hecla maushi noticed us. She came to us and suddenly all the so rrow and anger she had supressed burst our of her. She started crying loudly. '\Vhy have you brought these kids here from Sonepeth? she asked. 'They will pine and pine for their mother and die and then you will have neither the child ren nor their mother. They have cu:sed ou r house. A marher's misery has laid the seven.and ·half-yea r cutS( on this house. Take these kids back to their mother immediately, otherwise, 1 will run away from here.' Jiji had just returned from the fields and Sus heel.1 ma llshi told her to take us to Sonepeth by the very first bus the next day. My heart leapt with joy. The next day, Jiji took us to Sonepeth. We reached Ihere at five in the eveni ng and found Ba i iIl,in bed with high fever. The maid and anothe r Muslim neighbour were with her. When she saw us, her face lit up and she

tried to si t up. But she had become so weak that she had ro be helped up. She hugged us both speechlessly, tea rs running down he r checks. Soon Nana returned home ~nd he, too, was pleased fa sec us. Ba i's misery had upset him, ;lnd her joy now del ighted him. Sai was being treated by the doctor for her feve r, but no medicine had brought it down. The very next morning after we rcacht:d there, she woke up with her ber completely gone. She bathed us anu dressed us lip Jnd cooked all kinds of things for us to ear. She was like J cow that returns home at sundown to its calf and lo\'ingly lieks it and feeds it. She began to breast· feed Deepak again, while I sa t and watched without taking my eyes o ff her even for a minure. J was seeing m y mother after suc h a long time, I felt that if I took my eyes off her f:lce , she would disappear. \Y.lc all lived in this jO)'OUS a tmosphere fo r two days. After that Bai and Nana had a private talk . Then Bai said ro Jiji, '.fiji, you rake Kisho re back to NerJa. I can't ~cep him here.' Jiji was shocked. 'Why not?' she asked. 'Is he no t your so n ?' 'It's not that, Jiji,' Bai said. 'Na na says the room is 100 sma ll for two children.' When 1 insisted on staying, Bai said, 'Nana will beat you Kishore. When you arc o lder, then come here.' The truth was that nobody in Soncpcth knew that Ilai had two sons. Deepak was assumed to be Nann's son. They could [tot suddenly produce .mother son, who obviously was not Nana's offspring. But [ only knew Ihat once ag::lin my mother was sending me away from her, once again I was being rejecred. 1r was not me, but

44

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K IS HORE SHANTABAI KA L E

Dcepak whom she lovcd. On the third day after I had so joyously Jeft for ·Soncpcth with ]iji. I was back at Ncrla, Everybody was happy to see me back. ]iji told them that my mother did nor want me with her. Gr:lndfather Kondiba was tht happiest to see me back. 'Now your mother will send money regularly for your upkeep, Kishore,' he said. All the Kolhati kids of my age had st:lrted going to school. I used to watch wistfully as Kan ti lal, Bela. Vandana, Lanka and Dilip walked to school everyday. :\obody in my family offered to enrol me in school. In fact, Kondiba ajoba used to say, 'You must ieam to play the tabla. I'll send you to a jalsa party to learn. What do you want to go m school fo r? ' ·n1 e schoolteacher at that time was Bai's classmate, Gawli Guruji. Whenever he S:lW me he would say, 'Your mothcr was :l vcry bright student, Kish),3. If she had continued her education she would have bee n the schooheacher here . But fate was unkind to her.' My eyes would fill with tears, One day, J went up to Gawli Guruji and said, 'Gu ruji, 1 want to go to school, too. Can you enrol me in your school?' He took me to school and registered my nameKishore Shrtmabai Kale. 1 WrtS given my mother's naJlle becrtuse my father was unknown. This is common among the Kolhatis and causes the chi ldren much embarrassment in school. ' From tomorrow, come to school regu larly,' he told me. J iji bought me a slate and some cha lk sticks and I 46

AGAINST AL L ODDS

started going to school everyday. Kondiba ajoba enrolled Ankush mama as welL Raju mama was already enrolled in school, bur he nevcr bothered to attend any classes . Attendance was t:lken every morning at school and Guruji called Out my name: 'Kisho re Shantabai Kale.' All the children laughed and teased mc. 'Where is your father? ' they asked. Luckily the teasing soon smpped because Ankush marlJ.a thrashed one of the boys who laughed at me . I never missed class and worked hard. and soon Guruji was holding me up as an example to my classmates. J loved sc hooL

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47

1 AGAI~ST

Chapter Four

S oon after I started goi ng to school, Kondiba ajob;a sc nt off his daughters Rambha and Baby to learn dancing. Baby was his youngest daughte r and she used to do all the odd jobs around the house. She bought the groceries and tOok the wheat to the f10urm ill for grinding. H ouses in the village had floors made of mud and cowdung. Th ey had fa be regularly covered with a thick pa ste of cowdung to mend the cracks and keep the Ooor even and dean. That was also Baby ma ushi's job. Besides, she sprinkled water in the from yard every evening to keep the dust down and the house cool.

When Baby maushi left, all her chores were passed on to mc . Jiji had also gone with the two girls to look after tbem in rhe Chitra·Gulzar party. so I had no help or support from anybody. 1 missed Jiji. Sh{! llsed to help me in the chores and otten gave me money ro buy

myself candy or other goodies. When Jiji was at 1'\erI3, she lived in the farm we had just outside the village. Ir was half an ac re of land circled wi th dried sticks and nettles wi th a small ramshack le hut in the middle. She kept hens, and there were a few bullocks and buffaloes in a shed made from rags supported by bamboo poles. During harvest tim e, Ji ji wenr off to the fields 10

AI.l. ODDS

supervise the cuning and the division of the crop (the fields were leased to a farmer who srew the crop ;'Ind gave us h;'llf Ihe harvest); and when the girls went off dancing, she went as their guardian and t heir children's nurse. J iji played all kinds of roles in her lifetime. Since Jiji had left wilh the girls, I W;'l S given th e task of tend ing to rhe can le nnd the hens in the little farm. Everyday, after school, I went there, le[ the hens out of their coops and allowed Ihem ro peck for food on the rubb ish heaps just outside the yard. At dusk, I would carch each one of them, stick my finger up them to see if I could feel an egg there, and then shut them in their coops aga in. In the eveni ng, Popar mama would ar rive to relieve me and spend the night in the hut. If flour had to be ground at the flourmill, he would comc early so that I could rake care of th at chore. On Sundnys, there was no school and 1 had to stay at the plot :111 day. In from of Ihe farmyard we re seven dilapidated hu ts in which a few vcry poor Kolhati families lived. The), were new to Nerla and did nor have daughters they could send to a jalsa part)' to earn money for them. The I\olh;ltis who carne to Nerla after Jiji est;lhlishcd herse lf lhere were rich anJ lived in large, wclJ.construcled houses. S0111e even h~HI cars. A visitor 10 Nerl a would h:lVC assumed that it was a ve ry rich village, been use olle entered the vilbgc through the lane on which these IJrsc wadas , as such houses arc called, were built. But the Kolhal"i fami lies in the huts were so poor rh;'lt they brewed and sold illicit liquor to make ends meet. This liquor was made from jaggcr)' that was soaked in earthen p O l S. A woman na med Vim labai lived in one of the huts. 49

AGA IN ST ALI.

KI:'HORE SHANT A ISAI KALE

ODDS

~Iomach

were bruised and aching, my head was covered wilh weals caused by rhe stick. I had lea rn t my lesson. :\ever cver again di d I le t anybody keep an ything in thc garden. As fo r the people who lived across the road , I never spo ke to rhem again, not even when 1 had a ,ough,

Whenever I had a cough or co ld, she used to give Ill e 3 cup of the home-made brew to drink and often fed me as well. In return, I allowed her to store some of her pots of jaggery in our gard en. One Sunday, I was lounging on a cart that had been parked in the ga rden, playing wi th a stick and reading my schoo lbook at the same tim e. I cou ld hear the chickens cluck as they pec ked in the ru bbish heap and, occasionally, a few words were spoken loudly in the huts across the road, Suddenly, the gentle, routine so unds were shattered by a scream. I dropped the stick 1 was pla ying with :lIld stood up, tense. There was a commotion, people shouted and men began to run hel ter-skelte r. In a search for illicit breweries, the police had descended upon the hapless families and begun to beat the men mercilessly, Some policem en entered their huts and smashed all the pots they could find. The)' hunted through all rhe heaps of rubbish rhar lay around and fou nd bottles o f liquor in the ga rd ener'S rubbish heap. There were sharp, clear noises of the smash and tin kle o f bottles be ing broken and men yelling in pain. Then, I saw rh e pol icemen come towards me , and I ran as fast as I cou ld . They had found pots of soaked jaggery on our land and assu med th at I was from the huts, t OO, I was caught in no time alld the policemen began to beat me on the head with sticks and kicked me on the back and stomach. 1 screamed as much in fear 3S in pain. Lucki ly, someone said, 'Why arc you beating the child? He isn't one of them, hc's Kondiba's grandson.' The policemen knew Kondib"l ajoba, and so I was le t off. But my body was sore from the beating and I cried in pain all thro ugh the night. M y back and

Jiji retu rned from Barshi, where t he jalsa party wa s pt'rform ing, just befo re the harvest, Baby maushi also came back with her . Baby mau shi was pretty, though not as pretty as my mother, and had a gentlc and sweet nalure. We got along very wcll. Rambha maush i had siayed behind at Barsh i with the jnlsa party, and Baby maushi, toO, would return there afrer the festival of the Goddess Sonari. J was deljghted to sec them both, but Jiji went off immediately to the fie lds . All through the ha rvest, she lived on the field in a little hut she had built herself, It was my job to take bhakris for her every even ing. T he field s were sOllle di stance from the village and I usually went there just before dusk and returned home before it was dark , One day, Rames h kaka came co Nerla. Ramesh bka was Ramesh Pati l, Susheela maushi's yejman. He visited Nerla every week and sometimes evcn spent months in our house. Sus hecla maushi had given up dancing and lived at Nerla. N obody, not even Susheela maushi , knew whe ther Ramesh Pari! had a wife and bmily or where he lived, He never took anyone to hi::; house, nor did he answer any questions about himself. But he loved Susheela maushi deeply. They ace their food from one plate and she wou ld oftcn feed him with her own hands. He ra rely spent more than five minutes

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K1SllORF. SIIA NTARAI

KAU.

away from her when he was at Nerla. I watched them a nd wondered if my mother shared a sim ilar relationship with Nann. I believed that there was no other woman or wife in Ram csh kOlka's life except Sushecla m:lushi. He bore all the expenses of Kondiba aioba's household. He boug.ht Kondiba a bullock cart, had a well dug at the field and even bought a pump which was fitted into rhe well. H e did not drink and appeared to have no vices at all. So whenever Ramesh kaka came to Ner la, Ko ndiba ordered a chicken [0 be killed and cooked in honou r of the guest. Ramcsh kaka, however, was nO! too fond of meat, but it was an excuse far Kandiba to eat his fo.vourite food. That evening roo, a chicken wa~ kil led. I went and brought all the groceries for the evening meal and helped o.joba clean and roast tht' chicken. By the time the cooking began, it was dusk and I was worried about Jiii's dinner. Knowing that nobody e lse would think of her, I asked Popat mama if 1 could t.akc bhakris for her. But he said, 'Serve dinner to Sushecla maushi and Ra mcsh kaka and .hen go.' I served dinner and clea red [he pla tes. By the time I started fo r the field s it was dark. In one hand I c"rried Jiji's dinner and in the other my slate. It was a moonless night and I was ve ry scated. The way to the fields led past a cremation ground infested with pie dogs. Popat mama had refused to give me a torch as, i"n the past, I had bro ken two of his. I walked very slowly. T had been going to the fields ever)" day and my feet knew the way. In the pitch dark, I co uld see nothing, only hear crickers chirruping loudly a nd dead leaves rustling in the strong b:-eeze tha t was blowing. Soon I came to the big ditch throu gh wh ich .I'

AGAINST ALL OPPS

[he path led to the field. Right after the ditch was the crema tion ground. I went down into the ditch and heard a rustle followed by the distinct sounds of glass bangles clinking. I froze in the d:lrkness and stood shivering. I didn ' t know whether to go ahead or to return. The sound of the bangles gar louder. My eyes widened in fear as I sta red unblinking into the darkness around me . Suddenly a stone fell in to the ditch. I screamed loud ly o.nd a woman eme rged from a dump of trees on the side of the ditch a nd ran towards the village. Soon a man emerged and ran towards rhe fields. He was wearing a white cap. Obviously, it h"d only been a couple in a clandestine meeting ncar rhe ditch. Bur that did nothing to calm my nerves. With every nerve end screaming, I slowly wem forwa rd. 1 now had to pass the c remation ground. My shin was soaked with sweat when I saw a huge net spread "cross the road beyond the cremation ground coming toward s me . 1 thought a bright white dog went past me into the cremation ground , (a white dog accompanies Yama ). This was th e last straw. I was pa ralysed with fear. I could nor move a s ingle step, nor run or scream and collapsed on the ground right there. Eyes wide open, I lay there unable to do anything. Luck ily for me, my d assmo.te Bidya's fath er happened to go along that road. 'Who's rhere?' he ca lled out. I recognized his voice and managed to squeak, 'Baba, I'm Kisrya, Kondiba Kolhati's grandson.' 'K isrya? What the heH are you sitting here in the dark for? Arc you going to the field?' I to ld him that 1 was ca rry mg Jiji's dinner. He 53

AGAINST All ODDS KlSHORf. SHAN T AISAI

KA l l'.

picked me lip-I still could not walk-and carried In{ on his shoulder. 'Have the Kolha ri men no hean, no shame, scndim o~f . a li nle chi.ld· to the field at night ! Those pimp;~ Llvmg off their mothers a nd s isters has made ther.: useless, the good· for-norhings.' When he reached the field, Bab:l called ou r to Jill. 'Com e Ji ji, your c hild has come with you r dinner.' Khandya, the dog, sta rted barking. H e was ried ju;.! below th e tiny niche in which a small lamp burned. Jip stepped ou t of the hut and Baba said, 'J iji. what's goifll: on? In Madhavrao Pat ii's lifetime we never had evcn ~ glimpsc of your face ! And what's wrong with Kondib3: I:e se~ds ~his linl e kid OU I to the fields on a dark nighl ilke thIS- Just because his mother is not here? He coult have died of fr ight.' ' What do I say, Ba ba? These people have killed anI' ho pe I had of liv ing a normal life. No good will e\'~ come to them .' J ij i and I sa t down o n rhe flo o r of the hut to e:lt our dinner. 'There's c hicken tonight, j iji,' I said. 'It'l\ be nothing bur wa tery gravy and a couple meatless bones,' said Ji ji, and she was right. BUI \\., ~e re so hungry that we soo n finished il a ll. I stayed ttY. niGht with Ji ji. Whe n 1 returned home Ihe next day , I found IhJl Kalavati aji was a lready preparing for the fair at tnt tem ple of Goddess Sonari. This was an annual fi ve-dar fa~r attended by the Kolhati community. During I~ ~alr, t~e ciders of the co mmunity usua ll y ha d a meeling. JO whIch the Kol hati Co uncil wo uld hear and judge

0:

54

criminal a nd other cases from within the com munity. Kolha tis never went to law courts. All their gr ievances were heard by the Kolhati Council , which was made up of the influential eld er males of the commu nity. Cases of theft, mu rde r, rape, abduction o r any other rea l or perceived ami-social behaviour we re brough t before t he Counc il. Most cases were solved by the levy ing of a mict fine. In some cases, the person or family was cast out of the co mm unity. This meant tha t nobod y could hOlve an)' rela tions of any kind with that famil y. After some years, the family rna)' agai n be admitted into the community on payment of a fine. T he money collected during the council sessions was used by the Council members to dri nk , cat and make merry at the end of the fair. /\ similar Kolhati Council meets at th e J ej uri fair near Pune. Rambha maushi had come home from Barshi fo r the fOlir. With he r came a tall, fa ir young m an whom everybody called Seth. J iii told me that he was R a mb ha maushi's yejm an. ' He works in an Oleropiane ,' she said, ' So, he has lo ts of money.' All of us went to the fa ir. Rambha ma ush i's yejm a n gave all the children five rupees eacli, so we ha d great fu n at the fair. At the end of the five days, Rambha maushi and her yejman returned to Barshi . He was in a hurry since he had to go back co his job. Baby maus hi stayed back to wait for Jiji to be free to go with her. But che harvest was delayed, and Jiji could not leave unti l it WOlS over . So, Baby maush i said to me, 'Kis rya, will you go with me to Barshi?' I was delighted that she had asked me. I was o nly 55

KISHORE SH .... :-IT .... B.... I K.... LE

AGAINST .... Ll. ODDS

six years old and it made me feci very importa nr. Besides, I was fed up with all the chores 1 had to do and 'all the bear.ings I gOt at home. Baby maushi was working with the C hitra-Gulzar pany at the Rasik theatre at Barshi , in western Maharashrra. This was a party of the Dombari com munity. Th ey spoke a different dialect that I could not understand, but 1 was young and soon made friends with all rhe women there. I fetched buckers of water for thei r baths and scrubbed their backs fo r them. Some of them asked me to press rheir arms and legs. There were orher parties staying at the theatre, [QO. Some of them had linle girls my age there, all taking dance lessons. When their practice was o\'e[, they used to play with me. Baby maush i's friends used to send me off with messages to all kinds of people. One of her friends, NiH, was madly in lov:e with a young college boy called Mukesh. But NiIi's aunt did not allow them to meet because Mukesh had no money. So, Mukesh stood at the paan shop across the theatre and 1 ran back and fo rth with notes from one to tbe other. They had dec ided to elope. Unfortunatel y, a rich m iddle-aged man spotted Nili before she could run away with her lover. This man wore gold chains and rings and came in a car to the theatre. He was about forry- five yea rs old; J\ili was pretty and young and only seventeen. When he proposed to be her 'chira malik' Nili cried in anguish. But her aunt beat her into submission. Nili was covered w ith fine gold jewellery ami her aunt received lots of mDney for her 'chira' from the genrieman . I reported all this to Mukesh. He wept and muttered,

'I'll kill that aunt of hers. Or I'll ki ll myself .. ' Nili cried, too, but it was all in vain. She could not escape frolll her aunt's clutches. The middle-aged man cnme visiting every week. l'ili refused to talk to Mukesh, bur he still came and stood at the paan shop. Finally, NiH sent him a note to say that he sho uld no longer waste his time there, but go home and marry a good girl that his family would find for him. 'We are dancing gi rls,' she wrote, ' we belong to nerybody. \YJe have no right to fall in love with any onc man. If we do, then we must kill that love, otherwise ou r society won't let us live.' Mukesh wrote back, 'I love yo u, not your body. We can still run away, get married a nd live a quiet li fe together.' But Nih and Mukesh could never meet again. Besides the incident with NiH, I also remember other ~mall incidents that impressed my young mind and gave me my first insight into the .miserable lives of tamasha dancers. Suman was a dancer from the Maang community. One day, she had her make-up and ghungroos on and was breast-feeding her lit'd e baby when the bell rang announcing the sta rt of the show. She quick ly took the babe off her breast and lay him on the floor beside me. 'Loo k after him while I'm away, Kishore,' she said and rushed away. I put the baby o n my lap and tried to ca lm him. My eyes HUed with rears as I realii'..C:d thar perha-ps this was what had happened to me too, when I was a baby . A Muslim woman was sitting beside me with he r ghungroos on. She had just co me off the stage, so I asked her,

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KISHORE SHANTABAI KAI.E

'Why don't you take yOU f ghungroos off? ' 'I have to dance again in place of another girl who has gone away for a few days; she said sadly. 'It's not so bad. I get paid for it. And I need the money to educate my children. Their (.Hher is unwell.' Many of the women opened up to me and expressed their feelings to me because 1 was just a child and a stranger there. One evening, I hung about the room watching the mcn arrive in their cars and carts. The), all came in and sat around talking to their women. A few men walked into rooms where some of the women were still putting on their make-up. Among them was a tall gentleman about sixty-years old. He wore a red turban and a white dhoti and seemed to have no teeth at all. He sat down next to a seventeen-year-old girl called Rukmini and began to ca ress her. Rukmini sat quietly. 1 said to Bab)' maushi, 'Maushi, is the red-turbaned old man. Rukmi's father? See bow lovingly he is caressing he r. Ajoba never loves us like this.' My comment made her angry_ 'He's not her father, he's her "chira malik". And you a.re too interested in things that don't concern you. Get out of this room now and 1 had better take you back to Nerla in a few days.' I was sick of Barshi and rhc same old dances and so ngs and men. School was to reopen in a few da )'s, so I was quite happy to return to Neda when Ji ji came to fetch me. My best fr iend in school was my classmate Sanjay. He was a Kolh ati, with a story that resembled mine. His mother, KU5um, had been a beautiful girl and the best dancer among the Kolha tis. Her dances were ver)' 58

.4,CAI N ST

ALL ODDS

popular a.nd she made a lot of mOllcy. She was a few years older than my mother, and together they had established the Nerla Kolha tis as the best tamasha dancers. Ku sum once went to Bombay and pe rformed at [he Hanuman Theatre at L1lbau g. Bomba y'S film producers were so impressed with her that they offered her roies in their movies. Kusum used to tie a hundred ghungroos round her ankles and then slow down her steps to such a gentle rhythm that just one ghungroo could be heard. Sanjay was her only son. One day, at [he height of her success, Kusum broke awa), from her fami ly and eloped with Kumble. H er fami ly was furious . Not only had she eloped, she had done so with a. Mahar, the lowest of the castes. Just li ke my mother, Kusum was subjected to her family's anger and insults, and her son, Sanjay, was taken away from her. The Kolhati community decla red Kusum an outcaste and her fa mily was warned that they, too, would be thrown out of rhe community if they allowed Kusum to enter their door. For a Kolhati to I11Mry a Mahar or a Mus lim is rhe ultimate crime, but they have no scruples when it comes to accepting mane)' from Muslim or Mahar men at dance shows. In any case, Muslims and Mahars in that area are normally poor and cannot pay fQ r the upkeep of a dancer's family, so relationships w ith them are not encouraged. For two yea.rs Sanjay had been li ving at Nerla without his mother. Kusum had tried very hard to take Sanjay away, but she never succeeded. Sanjay and I bccnme inseparable. We spent all our free time togcther and even sat next to one another in class. One Sunday afternoo n, when we wcre playing in the garden, Harinana

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, KISHOItE SHANT AliA I KALE

paid liS a visit. Harioana was a Kolhati, he was the eldest son of Ram dada and Mana aji. 'Come, Sanju, I'll buy you some marbles and biscuits,' he said. Sanjay went off with him, and I sertled down, awaiting his return. Hours went by bur San jay did not return. At dusk I went home. Sanjay's uncle came to our

house looking for us. I [Old him that Harinana had taken Sanjay away in the afternoon and not returned . Sanjay's uncle cried, 'What a disaster! That cussed Harya has ta ken Sanju to Mumbai.' The news spread like wild fire among all the Kolhatis and people came out of their houses to comm iserate with Sanjay's family. The shrill angry voices of the women echoed down the lane. The mob picked up sti cks and axes, and rhe entire Kolhari communi£)' marched [0 Harinana's house . 'Your I-Iarya has taken Sanjay [0 Kusum in Mumbai,' they told him. 'We will kill him if we see him here again. ' Harinana became an outcaste in Nerla, and r grew morc lonely without Sanjay. I wished H arina na would take me to my mother, too. But the difference was that Sanjay's mother wanted him, whi le my mother refused to have me at Sonepeth. Harinana's father was summoned to the Sonari fair. He was made to stand before the Kolhati Council like a criminal, while the ciders one by one accused his son of being a thief and kidnapper. 'Your son has taken a Kolhati boy and left him in a Mahar household,' the o ld man was told. 'So, we have thrown him out of our community . Do you agree to 60

AGAINST All O I)l) S

shut the doors of your house forever to you r son?' Ha ri nana's father quietly nodded his head , and Harinana was thrown out of his own house, away from his parents, wife, brothcr and sisters. He was declared a thid, his crime being that he had brought no mother and her son together. Separating a child from his mother had been a good deed as far as the Kolhatis were concerned. In their greed for money, they had truly obliterated the differem:c between right and wrong. Harinana cou ld nor visit his home for many years, and his newly-wedded wife suffered his absence in sil ence. Saniay escaped fro m the Kolhati community fo r ever. H e never returned to Neria , and I never met him again. Kusllm, his mother, later moved from Mumbai to Latur. She had twO daughters from her husband Kumble. For the Kolhat i community they were Ma hars and Wl!re shunned completely. The Mahan; refused to accept [he girls because they were born of a tamasha dancer. So, when they reached a marriageable age, they found themselves os tracized by both communities, with noone willing to ma rry them. In desperation, Kusum brought her daughters (0 :-.Jerla. She had co me to her hometown after twenty-five yea rs, but time had changed nothing. The Kolhatis of Kerla had not forgiven her. Most o f them did nor talk to her, nor invite her to their houses. Her daughters wept and begged the ciders to accept them among the Kolha tis , bur the elders did not relent. Fin all y, they left Ncrla more heavy-hearted than when they had arrived.

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AGAINST Al l

Chapter Five

W hen my m alllis (wives of m y ma ternai undes) left to visit their mothers, the job of sweeping th e fro m yard in the evening fell to me. Afrer school, 1 swep t the yard while all my frie nds played under the tree in fron t of our house. They wanted me to join them, but I a lways had so many chores to do-sweep the yard, get the cowdung cakes from the fa rm , clcan and light the lamps, peel rhe garlic, chop the onio ns, knead the dough and keep it all ready for aji to cook the evening mealit left me with no time for play. I was sweeping the from ya rd one evening when a white Ambassador car came to our gate. A tall, fair, hefty man got down, followed by Baby ma us hi a nd j iji. Ajoba, who was sitting in the front ya rd, got up to g reer rh e man and lead him into the h ouse. jiji came and hugged me. When the d ri ve r of the ca r also got off and wen! inside to was h up, Kondiba ajoba asked me to st a nd gua rd by the car. I a lways had to do this because a car attracted all the kids, an d they would collect round it in a gro up and sometimes throw stones at it or pul l fitrings off, 1 loved to stand by the car and pretend it was mine. As SOO I1 as thL' dr iver came out, J iji a nd J went o ff to the farm and r returned with th e dried

(Owdung cakes m:u fuellcd the kitchen fire, and a chicken for the even ing meal. Ba by maushi was sitting quieti)' in one corner of the room. Sushecla maushi and Ramesh kaka were out of (Own at the time . T cleaned Ihe house and made the beds. As I worked, I could feci Ihe middle-aged man sta ring at me. My eyes were fixed on Baby maush i, fo r she was dressed in a red sari nnd was wearing a lot of gold jewellery. She had red glass bangles on her wrists. Before dinner was se rved, Kondiba ajoba and the ma n, who, I learned, was Sh ivaj ira o Henge of Akluj, sta rted d rinking. After some time , 1 served dinner, clea red the pla tes w hen they h;1d fin ished Jnd went back to the farm with dinner fo r jiji and Popat mam3. . 'Who is this man?' I asked Jiji. 'Inc Bibika chiro utara, (he has done the 'chira ularna' for Baby and is now he r ycjman)', Ji ji mid me. After that day, Baby maush i srayed home. I started calling Shivajirao I Tenge, Shivaji kaka. Shivaji kaka used to come to Ne rla in hi s ca r with a few friends and many bottles of liquor. W hen he came, many of our ma le relatives would a lso come over and everyone drank and chatted till late in the night. Shivaji kaka was usually so drunk that he could not stand o n his feet. Sometimes he ate dinner, at other times he jus t passed our without eating . When drunk, he never knew how much money he spem. Baby maushi disliked him: she was sixteen and he was fo rty. But her father loved his money and easy lifestyle, and sht: was fo rced to fund it by giving herself to the m an who bid the high es t fo r h er )'ou thful body. Wha t a travesty it was of the father· daughter relationsh ip. Kondiba ajoba had handed over

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KISHORE SIIANTAIIAI KALE

A.GA.INST All ODDS

his young daughter, slill on the threshold of her youth, to this for ty-year-old drunkard. III the movies I had seen tha t brothers and fathers rushed to protect their sisters and daughters when anyone even passed a comment or whistled when they walked past. But a tamas ha dancer's brothers and fathe r went Out of the ir way to :lttract the attention of men to their siste rs and daughters, so that they themselves could live an indolent life. \Vhat kind of relationship was this, 1 wondered? And wh}', why did nobody oppose it? Shivaii kaka visited Nerla every week , but never without his botrles of alcohol. He was usua ll y kind to me. Once, when he was not yct drunk, he said, 'Child, aren' t you fed up? Whenever 1 see you, you arc doing some chore or the other. Don' t you ever go home? Do you go to school?' 'I am in rhe second standard,' I told him. I used to press his arms and legs and even give him a massage some times. One day I (o ld him all about my mother. 'Your mOl her did the right thing. O therwise, what kind of life is this in this house?' he said to me. 'You will do we!l, too, Kishya, for you are a hard-working, sincere boy.' There were no roilets in the houses in )J"erla . We used the fields. Whenever Sh ivaji kab went to the fields, Kondiba ajoba said to me, 'Kaje barobar ja, bhavkike adm; kUIl bhame ke.' (Go with lile man, otherwise our relatives will fill his cars with lies abou t us .) He was afraid tha t othe rs would fi ll Shivajirao's ears wit h lies abo ut Bil by maushi. So, 1 always :'lCcompanied Shivaji kab to the fields. This ensured

that he did not chat with anybody. Soon Baby maushi was pregnant and had a daughte r. Shivaji kab did not come to Nc rla fo r two months after t he child was born , and then he stopped visiting comp letely. Baby maush i now became the burr of everyone's 1l1:l lice. 'H ow long arc you go ing to wait for yo ur lord ?' they taunted her. Fed up of the barbs and insults, she decided to go back l O the jalsa party. She packed her ghungroos :lnd picked up he r four-mo nrh-old dOlughter a nd joi ned Kevadka r's pa rty at Beed . O ne (b y, Popae mama asked me [0 bri ng lunch fo r him and one of the farm workers to the fi eld. I was not allowed to go to school t hat day. So I started off with [he lunch box on my head and slate in a bag under my Itfr arm. Holding up my ratrered shorts with my right arm, I went along reci ting my alphabets out loud. On rhe way, I ha d to go past a large hOllse where there were many feroc ioll s dogs. I was so afra id of them that I always ti ptoed past the house. Bur tha t day I was engrossed in reciting the alphabet and d idn't realize I had already come upon the dreaded house . T he dogs heard my voice and one of them ra n out ba rking at me. lt was such a shock that I roo k to my heel s screa mi ng. The dog leapt after me and I fclt his teeth si nk ha rd in to the flesh of my thigh. I fell to the ground crying, 'Ba i, Bai.' Bl ood poured out o f my thigh. Strangely enough, at thar moment 1 wanted only my mother there w ho I had not seen in so many years. A passerby took me to rhe docto r whete the wound was ba nd aged and a cou rse of ant i-rabies injections started.

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K1SHOIl£ SH .... NTAIIAJ KA I..Ii

AGAINST All ODDS

This inju ry did not reduce my daily burden of chores. I still rose carly :lild went to the farm to fetch milk in a large aluminium vessel. As soon as I brought in (he milk, Kondiba ajoba would pour our a ~Iassful for Ankush mama; but r was not allowed any wuh my bhakri. If 1 helped mysctf to some, ajoba invariably sa id, 'Has }'our mother sent a packet (of money ) for you, the n?' I would sit in a corner a nd weep. School had now closed for study leave and our annual exams were only two days away. My eldest mama was working on the fields wh ile the uther two spcnt their rime wandering around :lnd chatti!~g with friends. Popat mama asked me to comc to the fields to help him, but I refused because 1 wanrcd to stud,Y. He was so annoyed at my refusal that he beat me till my back was covered with blue welts. Then he threatened me, 'If you tell aji (g randmother Kalavati). I'll beat you , even more. I cried in pain and prayed to God; by then I knew tha t God alone was my comfort; my mother would never be near to comfort me. That evening I went [0 Cawali Curuji's house to ask him for help in my studies. He tested me for an hour and then, quite irritated with my la ck of confidence in myself, said, 'Why do yOll keep saying you don't know anything? You know all your subjects quite welL' Then, he s:nv my in juries-the dog bite and the toe I had stubbed badly when I fell down, and hugged me and gave me some hot food to cat. 'You have you r exams day after tomorrow , so go home :1Od study,' he said.

By the time I reached home, I was limping. Aji saw me and came out running. She sat me close to her and patted my back. The more she paned my back, the more if hurt bur I did not have cl1e guts to tell her so. Mrer dinner I went straight to bed, but ali night 1 was moaning in p:lin. Aji heard me and thought r must have fractured my toc. She did nor send mc to fetch milk the next morning. I S::l t in a corner and studied. 'K ishya, your clothes look vcry dirty,' she said. 'Come here I will cha nge them and wash your hands and feet for vou.' She took 'off my shirt and was horrified to see the blue· black welts all over my back. But all it resulted in waS:l big fight between aji ::lnd Popat mama. That day, I srayed at home and helped aji with the housework. She was sprinkling the front yard with a mixture of ..:owdung and water tha r I had prepared for her. She was doi ng one side of the yard while 1 did the other. Some women and children passing by saw us and bughed, 'Look at Kishorcdcv,' they called out. All the child ren and women {eased me and called me f..:ishorcdev, because, they said I was so good and \·irtllouS that 1 should have had a halo llke a dev-a god-round my head. They also said I worked like a woman. Little did they know that 1 had no choice. If I didn't work, I would get no food . 'Child, if you will bring the gowri (dried cQwdung cakes) it will be so good of you,' aji said. Aji was ahva)'s very nice when she wanted work Jane. If was my job to co llect cowdung and make flat (;)kcs to dry in th e su n. 1 also collected the dried cakes Jnd brought them in to light the fire (or cooking. 67

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KI HIQJt E S I-I ANTAllAl

On Monday I had my exams. Chicken had been cooked the night before. Aji a lways kept a few pieces of fri ed chicken for Ankush mama to eat the next morning. When he was caring the next da y, I also helped mysc:lf to a piece of chicken. Ajoba saw me and sa id, 'That has been ke pt for Rajl!. H e cxercise.'i so muc h, he wrestles. What do you do?' I qu ietly put the piece away and atc my bhakri with some chutney, dre!ised an d prepa red to leave fo r school. Ajoba cajoled Ankush mama co go to schoo l as well. 'Child, eat quickl y and go to school. See, Kisrya is go ing. ' But Ankush marna did not want to go. Fin a lly, he

said, 'If you give me one rupee, I'll go.' And ajoba gave him OJ clipee. I a sked a joba for twenty-five paise to buy some cha lk, and was told, 'I

have no change.' I wished aji wa.s there, she would have given me tcn paise at least. Raju mama. and Ankush mama were spoilt tho ro ughl y by ajoba. They had to be given one rupee every day before they could be persuaded to go to school. 10 the second standard, two Kolhati boys, Dilip Andhare and Kamilal Ka le were my classma tes. They had failed the exams and had to repeat the class, which is why thcy became my classmates. J \Vas good at mach and slowly learned (Q read and write as well. Around this rime, another maush i was also sent off to the jalsa party and her chores fell on my shoulders, too. I now bo ught the groce ries regularly , took the grain to the flourm ill for grinding, served the meals when guests visiled us and clea red up a fter every meal.

.8

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KAL F.

ALI. ODDS

One day, I was sent to the flourmill with a sma ll bin of grain. The path to Sawanr's mill led past a n open sewer. Ghosts were said to haunt the sewer, and I was frighte ned of going past it after dilrk. I reached the flo urmill at half·past· (our. I had come straight from school and was hungry. There was a big crowd at thc mill and by the rime I set off for homc night had fallen. The bin of flour on my head I walked as fast as 1 could. As 1 passed the gutter, J hea rd pigs snorting and fighting in the d;uk . They seemed to be coming towards mc. I panicked and started runn ing. In the da rk, I stepped into n pothole and fel l hard on the ground. The box I was carr ying wa s fl ung open and flour scattered all over the ground. The pigs still seemed headed my way. Frightened and so bbing 1 tried to pick up as much of th e flou r art rhe dark, dusty road as I cou ld and put it back in the bin. A neighbour, on he r way back from the mill, saw me and stopped to help . .My knees were bleeding and I was shivering with [car. She. took me home, where I found Popat mama in a rage because I wa s late. I trem blcd, because this meant a scvere thrashing. But, luckily for me, Susheela ma ushi and Ramesh kaka had arrived, and Popa t mama did not dare create a scene in front of them. He did not let aj i know what had happened to me. 1 washed up and aji called me in to cat something before 1 cou ld serve dinner to maushi and Ramesh kob . 1 was also eagcr to do so, because I was very fond o f Sushec b ma ushi and Ramesh bka. Besid es, he had prom ised to bri ng me some books. 1 had barely eaten my snack when mama asked me to se rve dinne r. r filled two glasses with water and carri ed them into the

room.

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\ ~ISIIORF.

SI-iANTAIlAI

KAL E

'Arey Kishore, Where have you been?' said maushi as soon as she saw me. As she hugged me, she could smell the flou r on my skin. 'To the f1ourmill?' she guessed. I nodded with tears in my eyes, and her eyes filled with tears, roo. Ramesh kab called me to him, but :11 the same time Popat mama ca lled to say the dinner plates were ready and I rushed off to rhe kitchen. I was carrying the two filled plates to the room , when in the excitement that Ramesh kaka would have brought my books , 1 stubbed my toe and fell. The plates landed on the ground with a crash and the food scattered all around. This was enough for Popat mama to lose the contro l he had so far been exercising on his temper. He enn up to me and started beating me . There was food all over the floor, I was wa iling: loudly, and Raju mama and Ankush mama simply sat in the vera nd a :lnd watched. SushecJa mau shi heard r ~ e noise and came out. When she saw Popar mama bea ring me, she W;lS furious. 'JlIst because his marher does no t send you mane),. vou beat the poor child?' she cried . 'The day I stop • earning, you will ill treat my children, too.' I was trembl ing and sobbing, while maushi started cu rsing my mother. 'Why d id she give birth to a ch ild ? Why didn't shc kill him as soon as he was born? God wi!! never forgil'c her,' she cried. Kondiba ajoba was drunk and 3sleep at that time, otherwise things could have got worse. Sushcela maushi and Ramesh kaka consoled me and made Ille sit and cal 70

AGAINST A LL ODDS

with them. But, by then, T was concern ed about Papat mama. He had gone off to the plot in a huff wi thout cating dinner. Aji had asked both the other boys to t ake him his di nn er, but neither paid the slightest a £tcnti on 10 her. They considered all wo rk an insu lt to their manhood. Mami could no t go beca use it was late in the night, past ten thirty . Aji prepared to go herself, hut I knew that she could not see very well, so, in the end, I offered to take Popat mama 's d inner to him. Aji and maushi were touched by my concern and maushi said, 'God is gOlog to look after you, Kishya .' I went off in to the dark, rather frighten ed of crossing Ihe cremation ground on the way . Luckily for me, Gandya, who lived next to ou r farm, was o n his way home, and I went along with him. When I ca l1ed out to Popat mama, he came r unning with his torch, his feet bare. A thorn went into his heel. I took the torch from him, pulled out the thorn and put a dot of my spit on rhe tiny wound. Mama was full of remorse. He hugged me and wept, and said, 'How did God give YOll such wisdom, Kish)'a?'

I passed my second standard exams. All my class mates passed as well. They sat behi nd me in class and copied my answers. If I did not show them the answers, they wou ld drag me to the orchard and beat me. And if I did, I was rewarded by Kantilal Kale and Dilip Andhare with corn on the cob, roasted peanuts, tam arind and other snacks. When I remind them of this now, they laugh. Bur I remember, once when 1 did not tell Kantilal an answer because Gu ruji had asked me not to, he tricked me into going with him to the sugarcane field 7l

-KISHORE SHANTAn .... ! K .... LE

, AGAINST AI.I. ODI) S

reluctant to ask SusheeJa maushi for money. She was already burdened with the expenses of the household. She looked after everybody, bought them clothes and othcr things they needed. I never saw her indulge herself, evcn though it was Ramesh kaka who provided the family with all the money that was 'fcquired. Finally, I went to Kondiba ajoba and cold him I needed books. 'I have to buy these books, ajoba, please, please gi\'c me some money.' 'Ha, I know how smart you are and how gn:at you arc going to be. Your mother hasn't sent a packet for you. Go and ask your cursed mother.' I wept uncontrollably; I was now old enough to understand my situation in the household. Then I wiped my eyes and went into Ramesh kaka's room. Most evenings, when kaka was at Neda, I used to press his arms and legs and talk to him. He enjoyed chatting with

mc. Sometimes he fell asleep, but I continued pressing his legs even though my arms ached, because 1 liked doing things for Ramesh kaka. He usually gave me some money for this small serv ice. When I entered bka's room that day, he sa id, 'Kishore will you press my legs?' Guru ji had called me, but I decided nOt to go. I started pressing kaka's legs and said to him, 'Kaka, don't give me any ,money today.' 'Why?' 'Buy me some schoolbooks and nQ[ebooks in stead; and after this T will press your legs without taking any mone),. ' 'Kishorc, I Jove the way you talk, that is why I ask you to press my legs. And I don't p.-.y you to press my legs, I give you money because your chatter mahs me feel good.' Kaka gave me eight rupees for my books. I used to enjoy the chars 1 had with R.-.mesh kaka. He ofre n said, 'Y ou r mother was suc h a good bdy, Kishya. 1 often wish I could meet her once again. She is a great lady.' 1r irritated me to know that he thought well of hcr and I retorted, 'No kak1'l, she's not my mother. She has abandoned me, she's horrid: 'Kishorc, your mother is very good and she has done rhe right thing. Even if she ha s run away, she is now living as a proper wife. Otherwise, she would be like you r Sushecla maushi, feeding this household. She would have to hand over all her money to her father and take care of her brother's demands, roo. Don't you see Balu, our little son, cries so much, but she has no time to

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and beat me up there.

By th e time I reached the third standa rd I cou ld read and write wel l. r used to study all the time . The daily chores-fro m fetching milk in the morning to flou r in the evening and all else in between-used to tire me out. But that winter, Susheela m
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KISHORE SHANTA!!AI KAl.tO

AGA I NST ALL ODDS

The same evening, aj oba discovered t hat twenty rupees had been sto len fr om his shirt pocket. H e looked

through my schoolbag and found new books, a new slate, notebooks and a one-rupee co in. Without saying a word, o r waiting to liste n to m y expla nation, he started beati ng me, accllsing me of having sto len his money to buy the books. Everybody gathered roun d and watched silen tly while he sla pped and k icked me and 1 screamed and cried. Aj i rescued me at last, only to bear me herself. The y d id not a llow me to say a single word in my defence. As soon as I could I ran to Jiji at the farm, sobbing all the way. I told her everything t hat had happened and J iji rushed back to the house. A big fight ensued between her and my grandparents . One of my mamis said th at she had seen Ankush mama with twenty rupees in t he morning, but aji refused to believe her. ' M y son is not a thief, it is this boy who has stolen the money,' she c ried. When Ji ji protested , she said, 'If you love him so much, why don't you take him with you? Why have you left him at our door ?' Jiji was angry . She turned to me in frus tration and cried, 'Why didn't you d ie as a baby? You h ave added misery to my life. That whore has abandoned you and is coolly si tting with her lover. I'll go and leave you at her doorstep tomo rrow.' 1 spent the whole day a t the farm with J iji and refused to go home even when 1 was called . When Sushecla maushi and Ramesh kaka returned that evening, they asked, 'Where is Kishore? ' Ajoba said, 'Patil, how do 1 tell you-that boy stole twenty rupees out of my pocket and bought himself books. I beat him soundly and so he hasn't returned

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devote to him, because she is busy catering ' ro her family'S demands. She never ind ulges herself, either. And, a t the end, after all this, do you know what these women get?' 'What? ' 'Only suffering and sorrow! Take Jiji, fo r examplewhen her husband was alive, she was like a queen . And now, though she owns this hou se and twenty-five acres of farmland, your ajoba t reats her like dirt. Yesterd3)' he almost beat her. Your aji calls h er a barren woman and God knows what o th er insulting names. She lives and w orks for her family a nd what does she get? NO[ even proper food to eat! And all this only because she is old and canno t be of any use to them moneta rily. If only he r husband was still alive ... And it is the same for your Sushecla maushi. Your mother is much better off than these women, at least she is away from this hell. ' 'Then why does she not take m e with her ?' I demanded. 'Grow up a litde, Kishya a nd I'll rake you to her,' said kaka. I looked up at him and smiled. Sudde n ly, life seemed to be full of hope. The next day was Tuesda y, the day of [he weekly market at Ncrla. 1 went a little early to school and with permission from Guwji, went to the market to b~y my books . After schoo l 1 ra n home to show Ill)' books to kaka, but be and Sus hecla maushi had left. I felt sad and lonely .

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KISIIOR£ SHANT~IIAI "' AU:

home all day.' Ramcsh kaka was shocked. 'I gave him money to buy books,' he said, 'Ask Sushceb .' Maushi, who was washing her hands and feet, sa id) 'Yes, 1 saw him give Kishya eight rupees.' Aji wailed . She and maush i came to the farm at e ight o'clock that night. I had lit the lamp and had buried myself in my boo ks. Aji called out to me, but I ignored her. Then she and maushi came into the hut. O n seeing maushi, I jumped up and ran inlo her arms. She hugged. me tight and cried, 'What sin have yo u committed, Kishya. that YOll were born into this family? That whore who gave you birth is sitting peen y with her gigolo and has left you to suffer here. Why have you abandoned this child, you'll suffer in you r old age for this sin,' she cursed Bai, Aji also hugged me and said, 'Won't yo u talk to me, Kishya? I am sorry, I was wrong, it was my own son who stole the money, you should have been born into a better fami ly tha n OUIS, Kishya,' Aji took me home,

76

Chapter Six

O ne summer the whole family was together at )Jerla , Even Baby and Rambha maushi we re taking a break from their jalsa party, Susheela maushi and Ramesh kaka were planning to buy some farm land, Ramcsh kaka had left a big bundle of money at Nc rl a before going off on a hol iday with Sushecla maushi and their fo ur-year-o ld son, Balu. Everyone slept out in the fro nt yard. I was sleep ing in the veranda next ro jiji, j ust after midnight, there were heavy thuds of someone jumping over the wall and running in. 1 woke up to see some men beating Popat mama. Everybody awoke on hearing the noise. The re were six or seven robbe rs and they carried long sticks . One of them came towards jiji and hit her. [ screamed and he hit me hard w ith a stick. After that I did not dare to even squeak. Morc men ioined the thieves and there were guns hots just beyond the gate. There were nearly forty men in the house. 1 hid myself like a little spa rrow and unblinkingly watched the goings-on. One man pulled a necklace from Rambha maushi's ncckj another ca ught Lakshman , a ji's brother who was vis iting us, and demanded to know where the valuables were kept. The poor man had just arr ived at Nerla. that evening, how was he to know anything. They

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KISIIOR E SH AN T AI>A I KALE

took him to the nearby clump of frees and bear him

badly. Beyond ou r gate all was quiet while inside there was mayhem. Suddenly, a whistle rang our and all of them immediately took to their heels. They ciis:lppeared sou ndlessly juSt as they had appeared.

At dawn we tried to assess the damage we had suffered. Most of the men we re hurr-ajoba was badly beaten, mama's fo rehea d had been cur open, even Jiji was bruised all over. All our relatives came to see us. Ajoba became so ill that he nea rl y died. Everyone

wanted to know if we would be able to id entify the thieves. But they had blacke ned their faces and tied SC
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'Even if everybody dies she won't come,' j iji was wid. But, to my great delight, jiji said, 'I'll go and try to persuade her anyway.' As soon as Jiji left, I went to the temple and promised Mhasoba, (Lord Shiva) that if Bai came. I would buy five rupees worth of sweets and distribute them to everybody. My little brother would also come with Ba i, and I could hardly co ntai n my excitement. Jiji was to return the very next day. Early next morning I ha d a bath and 3ji dressed me in new clean clothes. I went off to the farm to wait for m3ma. He had taken the bullock cart to Warkute to fetch jiji and Bai. Just after noon I S3W a cart coming down the road. I strained my eyes and tried to keep myself from jumping up and down. But soon it was clear that mama was alone in the cart. 'They haven't come, Kisrya,' he said. 'I finally got fed up of waiting. Come on, let's go home .' At home, everybody told mama that he should have waited longer, although none of them really believed Ihat Bai would come. But 1 \va s quite sure that she and Oeepak would come. 1 sta rted playing jibl)'a with the girls in the lane. Jiblya is just like seve n tiles, but vc ry much a girlie ga me . I used to play with the girls in the lane and had eve n begun talking like them. 1 was engrossed in the game when suddenly I heard ]ij i's \·oice. I immediately ran toward s her and saw a rail, fair woman with a stra ight, long nose with her. The woman carried a sma ll boy. My breath seemed to stop. I ,topped in my tra cks, wheeled round nnd ran into the 79

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house shouting ' Ra i has come, Bai has come.' Everyone can out to see. Bai was stopped at the doorstep and a

bhakri circled round her ro ward off the evil spirits and welcome her home. Then. Bai stepped inside and pulled me to her and hugged me with tears flow ing ciown her c heeks. Dccpak stood beside me sraring ac everybody. SOli had come home after seven years, and the whole

vi llage camc to sec her. She had brought new clorht.!s for me. She dressed me in them a nd oiled a nd combed my hair. My b ee glo'w cd with happiness and everyone rema rked, 'Look Sha nta, how this child is bursting with happiness. ' I ran to Guru ji house. He took Oile loo k at me and said with a smile, 'Well, well Kishya, you arc a ll d ressed Dp a nd dandy today, what's up? ' I told him that my mother had come. He did nO I believe me initially, but on see ing m y bce shine with the glow that comes o nly fro m a mother's caress and my eyes radiating joy, Guru ji knew that Sha mabai had, indeed , come home to her son. I pulled his arm as he walked with me to our house. Bai got up and came to meet him as soon as she saw him enter the house . 'Sha nta, what shall I say to you? ' said Guruji . 'You have abandoned this child a nd ruined his life. Don't you have a mother's hea rt?' Ba i's eyes filled with tears and had nothi ng to say 10 this, but Guruji saw her helplessness. 'Don't cry, Shanta, 1 understand,' he said. '1 am glad you have escaped from this miserable life.' By late evening, all the visitors had left. We had dinner togethe r. It was time to go to bed, but nobod~'

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wanted to sleep. T he fiv e sisters had met afrer ma ny yea rs and they had much to talk about. My little brother Decpak sat in Bai's lap. She still breas t-fed him. I longed [0 sit dose ro her, but Deepak wou ld not le t me come nca r. Every tilll e 1 sa t cl ose to Ba i, Deepak would come run ni ng and hit her and cry. Finally, she sa id to me, 'Kishore, go a nd pkty ou tside.' Sadl}', I went off into rhe veranda. I sa t in a corner, and tears ran down my cheeks. I was seeing my moth er afler such a long rime and I co uld nO[ even sit near her. It seems there was on ly o ne plo.cc that was truly m ine and that was und er the peepal tree near the little temp le of Mhasoba. I had faith only in my God. Sai had been at Nerla fo r ten days, but she kept me . at a little d istance from her. Perhaps she was afra id that I would get too attached to her, or she to me. J didn't really mind it. I used to sit a nd stare a t h er a lmost

unbli nk ingly. 'Why a rc you staring at my da ugh ter like tha t, you little devil, ' aji would say to me. 'You will put the evil cre on her .'

And Bai always replied, 'Let my child loo k a t me, he hasn't seen me for so lo ng.' I felr rhril!cd when shc ca lled me 'her child'. I was always shy of talk ing to Bai beca use shc spoke beautifully while 1 cou ld ani), speak the vi!lage dia lect. One day thc postman brough t a leuer fo r Bai. As $0011 as she read it, she started crying. H er sisters ga thered a rou nd, teas ing her, but they did not know what the letter contai ned. It was a shan nore from Nana saying, 'Come back as soon as you read th is letter. If you don' t retu rn soon, you nced not ever com e 81

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back to my house.' For Sai, Nana was God for he had given he r a life away from the prQfession she had been pushed into. No ordinary wife respec ts her husband as much as Bai resp ec ted Nana, She immediately starred packing, Everyone tried to dissuade her from leaving saying, 'Don' t go back to that horrib le man, hie wil! nor care for you, He has had many affa irs before this and a lways abandoned the wo men after a few years. It's bencr if you stay here now.' But Bai wa s fi rm. 'I will live at Sonepeth eve n if he aba ndons me. I will not leave his house . You must think of me as dead, Don't ca ll me here again.' O nly ajoba diJ n o t say anything. He had nOt yet recovered from the beating the robbers had in flicted on him a nd had no strength to argue. But Rai was very sca r ed that ajoba would somehow prevent her from goi ng. Ir was Monday, the day of her fasr. She arranged the images of gods she had brought with her and pr ayed before rhem, tears running down he r cheeks. I cried wirh her beca use I could not bear to see her rea rs. At five that evening, Sai and I were sitting under the peepa l tree when I saw a ta ll , well-built man d ressed in brigh t white clothes coming towards our ho ulie. As soon as she saw him, Bai ran to him, She too k rhe suitcase fro m his hands and rushed into rhe house and laid out a mar for him ro sir. I saw that her tears had dried up and he r face was transformed-she was smiling joyously. One look a t her shini ng eyes and r knew that rhili man must be Nana . It was so many years since 1 had seen him that I cou ld nor recognize him. Bai changed my clothes and

[Ook me to meet hi m, but I was really scared of him and refused to go in, Bai said , 'Come Kishore, and meet your Nana . H e won~t do anything to you.' N,ma called a lit, 'Arey, Kishore, come he re.' I wc:nt in hesitan tly and sat close to Bai. Kana asked me which class I studied in and when I told him rhat I had just appea red for my class three exams, he ser me a few sums in addition and subtraction to solve . I quic kly solved them, He then asked me to read a passage from a book, w hich I did, 'He's a cleve r boy,' he told Bai . He asked to see Decpak, but Deepa k had ru n away as soon as he had heard of Nana's arrival. He was ver y frightened of Nana . I looked fo r him everywhere but Deepak was nowhere to be found. I-Ie came in only when it was nearly dark, and sat close to aj i. Nana called him and slapped him hard . 'Where were you? Didn't you know that I had come here?' he said. Deepak started crying, and my legs tremb led . \Vhen Bai came into the kitchen I said to her urgent ly, ' Bai, please bring Deepak in here.' 'If I go in there now he will beat me, too,' was Bai 's response. Aji cooked chicken for di nner and some vege table dishes for Bai. I served Nana and Bai as rhey ate. Nana was qui re happ y wi th the way 1 se rved him. ' Yo u mu st spend your next holidays with us at Soneperh, ' he said. T hen he no ti ced my finger a nd asked, ' \Vha t's happened to your finger?' I had a boil. Actually , it had been hurring ba d ly all

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day, but 1 had hardly noticed it because I was so excited with the thought that this time Bai would surely rak(' me with her to Sonepeth. But Bai had iorgon en all about me and Nana's words were li ke a knife in my heart: ' You must spend your next holid ays with us.' They were not goi ng to take me with them. I sat in a corner outside and cried sil ently in anguish. Nobody nOTiced me. My body felt hot and feverish. My finger was throbbing with pain. 1r was only after dinner that Ba l asked 'Iji, 'Whe re is Kishore? Has he had dinner?' 'No,' said aji. 'Look, he's siting in that corner, . , c ryIng. When nai came a nd put her hand on my head, she was shocked. My body was burning with fever. She held me close and her eyes fill ed with tca rs . But she had to leave me there -and go inside to make Nana's bed. She made my bcd, too. By that time 1 was moaning with pain, so Rai came and sat next to me and lifted my head on her lap. She spent the whole night sirting with her b
increased his irritation. He ye lled at Bai [0 bathe and get· ready. I starred crying and that made Nana angrier. 'Stop yowling or 1 will slap you,' he shou ted. But I cricd harder, how could 1 help it? Na na rushed towa rds me and hit me hard . I yelled, 'Bai, Bai.' That brought jiji running. 'Sahubr, don't you dare touch my child,' she shouted. 'I will kill myself right here and blame you for my death. Do you have any kids or are you impotent?' In her frustration and anguish, j iji slapped me [00 :Ind sa id, 'You corpse, can't ),ou shut lip. She is not your mother. Your mother died lo ng ago. We've simply been foolil1g you by saying she is your mother. Your mother died as soon as you were born.' Ua i came ncar me, but ji ji refused to let her touch me. 'If you even [IJuch this child I'll break m y head on this stone,' she threatened. 'Go with that man. You want a lover not a child. It would have been better if you were ba rren. I don't know why God gave you this son.' Jiji held me close to her heart. All my maushis were in tcars and Popat mama was 50 angry that he brought a stick to beat up Nana. H e had to be stopped from doing so by my maushis. Nana panicked and said to B.ai, 'Now you know why 1 refuse to send )' O U herd' All th is happened at 4.30 a.m. By s ix Bai was bathed, dressed a nd packed-a ll ready to go . She had Oeepak in one arm and her purse in the other. But her feef were leaden and she coukl hardly step out of th e house. As soon as she crossed the front door, I started wailing loudly. Bai immediately put the purse round her

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neck and ran back to me . She hugged and caressed me and kissed my cheeks. My temperature was sti ll quile high. Nana was now desperate to get away. 'Are you coming along or shall I go without you?' hl! yelled at her. Bai held my hand, got up and took me outside with her. The whole fam ily h:ld come our to see her off to the bullock cart. I was still wai ling and clinging ro her hand. \Vhen we came nea r the cart, my restrilim snapped-l yelled, shouted , stamped my feet hard on lhe ground and jumped up and down . jiii and aji pulled m y hand away from Bai's so she could climb into rhL' ca rt. I felt desperate because I\ai was going away from me again, 1 tried to run after her but" jiji's grasp wa~ impossible to break. Nana grabbed Bai's hand and pulled her along. I threw myself on the ground and rolled in the dust, my chest heaving with sobs th at my parched throat and dry mOllth made inaudible. 13ai looked back at me with tears running down her face, but Nana pulled her along, away from me, and Bai's feet did not fairer. My head, which I had been rolling from side to side, suddenly struck a stone and it started bleeding. Ji ji qu ickly tore a piece of her sari and bandaged the wound , but my finger still oOled liquid from the burst boil. All I was aware of was that Bai wa~ going further and further away from me and slowl y b:ginning to disappear fr om sight. jiji carried me into the house all the while cursing Bai for her he:udessncss. Little did they , or I, know the state of Bai's heart and the constra ints which bound her life. That evening I had to be taken to the doctor.

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ill for nearly a week after Bai left. Even after the boil on my fin ge r hl!aled and my fever came down to normal, I remained sic k at heart. I missed Bni a.1I the rime. My class three results were declared and I topped the class, but I felt no joy . .My heart only yearned for my mother. School reopened and 1 went to class four. In those days, class four was a crucial yea.r in school because at Ihe end of the term we had to appear for the primary 5chool board exa ms. I had also decided ro take the scholarship cxamin;ltions in th e hope that the rest o f my scholastic furure would then be ensu rl!d, and I would not have to beg ajoba and maushi and kaka for money. Monsoon had set in and two weeks had passed since school reo pened, but t sti ll did nO[ have any books. Ajoba refused to give me money to buy them. Bai had gi ~·en me some money but tha t had already been spent. Sushecla maushi and kaka were out of town, and Jiji had taken the other twO maushis away to a jalsa parry. Things were difficult for me at schoo l as well because Gawli Guruji, who knew and unde rstood my circumstances, was no longer my class teacher. Instead, we had Handebai who shoured at me everyday because W'1S

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1 did not have any books. I finally decided to try my luck with Mana aji. Mana aji was the wife of aioba's cousin brother and she .and her husband treated me with great kindness, Whenever I visited her she would feed me milk and ghee and talk to me lovingly . 1 wenr to her and re:lffully tOld her that I had no books and needed fifteen rupees. I knew that Mana aji used to buy some grass everyday for her goats and cows. So, 1 offered to cut and fetch fifteen bags of grass for her if she would give me fifteen rupees. Mana aji was very angry. 'How dare you talk [ 0 me like this, Kishya? Do you thin k I will make you work for me for fifteen rupees? I will give it to you because you are my grandson,' she sa id. Thanks to Mana aji , I got my books bu t felt terribly• gu ilty that I had taken rhe money from her for nothing. Even when I took money from Ramesh kaka, I always did little jobs fo r him in rerurn. I wondered how I could repay Mana aji. Then I remembered that Mana aji's da ughters-in-law went ro their fields every day to cut grass. I decided [hat J would go and cut grass with them. So, one morning, after the mid-morning break, I quietly ran off from school to the fields. This was rhe firs t rime 1 had ever bunked school. When 1 reached the fie ld, the ladies were already there. 'Arey Kishya, why are you here at this timet' they asked. 'Oh, I just came along/ I replied vaguely. Bapu mama, my mother's cousin, was also there . I loved him beca use he was always very affection ate towards me, He shared his food with me and when I 88

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had eaten, I asked the ladies, 'Mami, can I help you cut the grass?' They only smiled, bur mama said, 'Yes, come on we can chat while we cut.' ' Don't tell Mana aji that I had come here to cut gr3SS,' I said to them, and they promised they would

not.

r spent

twO days, bunking school, diligently cutting grass for two or three hours eve ry day. Mana aji rema rked thar there was more grass coming in from the field and Bapu mama, who had not taken my request seriously, immediately said, 'It is that Kishya, mother, He is there everyday to help us.' Aji called me to her house that evening and I received a severe scolding froql her. 'If you go agai n to the fields to cur grass, I'll never let you enrer my house again,' she said. But that was not all. That day, Ra ju mama had made a rare visit to school and discovered that I was missing. As soon as 1 stepped into the house in the evening, he slapped me hard. 'Tell me where you have been going from school,' he demanded. He already knew but wanted to hear me say it. So, when I told him he beat me some more. Eve rybody at home was horrified at what I had been doing. They called me a beggar for taking money from Mana aji. They were angry because now Mana aji knew exactly how I was treated in the house. But, by now, I was used to thei r anger rmd beatings and none of this berating affected me. M y heart was at peace because 1 knew that I was no beggar and had worked for the money that 89

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had been givcn to mc . Days flew prlS[ in a blur of studies and work. I studied day and night for the scholarship exam which was held at Salsa. I had to pay Guruji for the journey to Sa lsa. But I had no moncy and was very worried. Fina lly 1 went to Guruj i and told him. '\Vill you pay the money for me now, Gllruji?' I asked him. 'I will give it to YOll as soon as Sushccla ma ushi comes back.' All my maushis came home at Oiwali that year. Thr eldest maushi came from Karma la with her chi ldren and h:lsband. More people a t home meant mo re work for me, and 1 became the odd-job man fo r rhe whole famil),. All day the call, 'A rey, Kishya' rang through the house, a lmost nons top, it seemed to me . ]f I didn't do somebody's li ttle chore, I was yelled at. I was fed up and tired, but what cou ld r do? 1 had no mother or father to support me. The day before Diwali, all prepa racions for the festival were ready. Everyone had fine new clothes to wear. I was waiting for my new clothes which I was sure Bai would send for me. But nothing arrived. My eldest maushi sa id , 'Your kaka will get you new clothes when he comcs tomorrow.' Bu t 1 knew she was only consoling me. My sham were torn at the sca t an d h3d been patched up. My shin wa s faded and worn. Among my maushis, Rambha maushi was sl ighrly odd and had srmnge spells of 'possession' from time to rime. It was bel ieved thar some women had these spell, when they were possessed by a goddess and lost their ordinary identity. At such moments, they were [reared like an oracle. Rambha maushi had a rough and ready

tongue and evcrybody was a little wary of her. Her ycj man had also come with her. He sa id [0 he r, 'You have brought clothes for everybody bur nothing for Kishya?' ' His mother has abandoned him at our doorstep, we do what we can,' maushi answered. I was hu rt, but said nothing. What cou ld 1 have said? For som e reaso n, Rambha maushi was always angry with me. That day, Shalan maush i's daughte r Sadha na and I had a fight. She was just a year older than me, but since everybody in the house treated me like a slave, Sadhana had no qualms demanding th3t I do her chores as well. She had asked me to get her a glass of water, and wh en I didn't she pinched me harel. To her tha t seemed justified since it was an accepted norm in the hOllse to scold me or hit me if 1 didn' t do a chore. But when she pinched me I got angry at the un fairn ess of it a\l and pinched her back. She yelled loudly, and Rambha maushi ·came in and sla pped me hard. I was so angry, I sholltcd, 'Why arc you hitting me? Who are you to raise your hand on me?' 1 threw down the glass of water 1 had in my h3nd. Something snapped in Rambha maushi . She started yelling and punching and kicking me. 1 fell to the floor crying. Aji came running into the room and picked me up. Rambha maush i insisted that I had hit her bu t, for tunately , nobody believed her. They knew that I wou ld never raise my hand on any of my maushis. In fact, nobody paid much attention to her at aLI. Aji took me to the kitchen, dried my eyes and said, 'Don't pay attention to Rambha. She is a little mad, you know that.'

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But Rambha maushi was nor done. She came charging into the kitchen and shouted, ' Beggar! Return that mo ney. He gave you forty rupees. Who knows whose abando ned thing you arc-looting us in a beggar's gu ise? Taking money from him!' Her yejma n had given me forty rupees to buy myself some clothes and I had handed over rhe money to aji to keep. But Ram bha mnushi had worked herself into a frenzy. 'Go, go awa y from ou r house,' she said. 'rs your own mother dead? Sitting there with her gigolo. She o nl y wants him . Gave birth to you and then left you for her gigolo.' Everyone was trying to shU{ he r up, but I was angry and hurt. Days of suppressed rcscntmCII[ spilled out of me. 'Shu t up,' 1 shouted. 'If you say another word , I'll break you r head w ith a stone.' Aji returned the m oney that her yej man bad given me, but she wouldn't shut up. I walked out of the house. Everyone tried to stop me, but I cou ldn' t bea r [0 sray in there . 1 was old eno ugh to understand all that was being said to me. ' Yo u've take n money from him like a beggar, go away from o ur house.' Her wo rds echoed in my ears . But where could I go? I could not go to Bai. 1 now understood her problems. I w ond ered what was [0 become of me? Would I have to spend my life like this? When would I grow up a nd get a job and be free of th is life? I knew tha t there were specia lly reserved seats in educational institut ions and jobs for backward communi ties like the Kolhatis. I must live at Karmala in rhe boarding school there and work

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in a restaurant in the evenings to ea rn money, I decided. I wiped my eyes and went off to the fa rm. I did not tell Jiji anything about the fight at home. What was the use? It would have led to another argument. Ra mb ha ma ushi was not one to give in o r even unde rsta nd anything. That evening mama brought dinner for me and J ij i. After dinner I la y awake for ho urs trying to ~nd a way o ut of the hell that my life had become. The next morni ng was Diwa li. 1 as ked Ji ji fo r five rupees, and headed straight for the bus stop . I took the bus ro Ka rmala and wCnt to rhe nea rest restaurant. I got a job rhere and worked hard a ll day. Usually there arc at lcast rcn or twel ve peo ple fr om Nerl a at the bus stop, but it was Diwali a nd everyone was at home celebrating w ith their fam il ies. On ly onc man from Nerla appeared in the vicinity and I kept myself Out of his sight. In the even ing, I went to the boarding school to make inqui ries and learnt that they wou ld not adm it any boys in the middle of the term. Admissi ons were made only in Ju nc at the beginning of the school term . 'Then what is the use of sta ying here,' I thought to myself. Besides, I was now afraid that if somebody saw me here and mama heard o f ir, he wou ld bear me. I k.new that th ere was a bus to Nerla at five p.m. t ra n off fr om the res taurant without a word to the owner , and return ed to N erla . I wem to thc farm and Ji ji came runni ng to greet me with tears in her eyes. Everybody had been looking fo r me and angry words h ad been exchanged among the fami ly-accusatio ns and cOunteraccusations, as us ual , ove r w hose fault it was t hat I had run away. Sushccla maush i had also come to Nerla and I asked 93

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her for some money to repay Guruji. 'Didn't ajoba give you the money?' she asked. 'What was the need to give him money to go to Salsa?' shouted ajoba. who was sitti ng nearby . 'Very smart he is going to be, I know. Don't give him any m oney. Go to your mother and get money,' he said ro

time to return from the fields after delivering dinner. J iji had come to the hOllse and found out abo ut my various chores. She was livid . She had never forgonen how, a year ago, the neighbour's dog had bit me on my way to the fields in the dark. The sight of my mamas s itting there idl y infuriated hcr further and she called them 'useless bra ts' . Aji and ajoba lost their temper at this ~nd ajobn shouted, 'Don' t you dare call my sons any n
me. '\'<'hy? What happened to the money order she sent fo r him?' maushi asked . 'Don't we have to feed and cl othe him?' retorted ajoba. I simply left the room to Stop myself from saying a nything. There is a saying, 'Who wil! mourn him who dies every day.' My life W:J.5 like that. There was so much that I had to sim ply swallow and forget or igno re. 1 was used to the ir painful words, lheir callousness . Besides, J had to live with them for only three more years. After 1 passed class seven, I would have to go to a big town, because the school at Nerla wa s o nly lip [0 the seventh standa rd. My fourth standard school board exa ms were twemy da ys away . I wanted to spend every moment of my time studying, but harvest was at hand and mo re labourers had already bcc'n employed on the fields. J iii had been called bac k from the jalsa party so that she could live in the fields and supervise the harvest.. I had to carry meals for the farm labourers every evening. Sometimes 1 had to miss school and spend rhe day at the fields gunrding the crops from birds and o ther animals. One evening as I a pproached the house, I heard Jiji's voice ra ised in anger. [[ was dnrk, about 7..30 p.m., m y usual 94

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the bhakris we re not ready . I stud ied until they were made and packed , then took the food and set off for the fields. Jiji was standing on the little hillock look ing ou t for me. As soon as I 'saw her I cried 'Jiji! ' and ran towards her. She came rushing down and we walked to the little stream nearby . Si tting down, Jiji took out 3 pncket of my favourite chivda {po unded rice, fried and fl avoured}. I ate it eagerly and she watched me with great satisfaction. Every once in a way she would feed me with her own hands. She did not touch her bh:lkri~ ti ll T h:ld finished the chivda. Then, we went to her hut and ate dinner together. 1 had brought my books and slate with me. When Jij i was there, 1 always spent the nights with her in the fields, That evening, howc,"'cr, I didn't spend much time chatting, and started studying in the lamplight, It was already after eleven p,m. by then, but 1 always had to stu dy la te into the night; there was little tim e during the day. 1 really wamed to do well in my exams and could not afford to relax, The board examina ti ons were being held in Salsa. On the day of the exams, I woke up at five a,m. I had stayed at home the night before so that I could leave for Salsa with the rest of my classmates in good time. I woke up aji and mami and they cooked and packed some lunch for me. I had a quick bath and starred studying. I had decided that I would do no chores thaI day, but it was not meant to be so. My young mamas did not rise before nine o'clock, and even when they were up, they could nor be bothered doing an)'rhing. They had given up going to school long ago. So, it was I who had to run down to the grocer and get a packct of tea . The grocer's mot hcr knew me well and was vcry 96

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affec tionate towards me for she knew my circumstances, 'Why, Kishya !' she exclaimed, when she saw me, 'Don't you have your exams today?' 'Yes, yes , I'm leaving as soon as I take th is tca home,' 1 re plied, She knew that I was rhe only one who ran errands in Kondiba's house. 1 took the packer of tea and ran home. On rhe way I stubbed my toe and it began to bleed. It was already 6.30 a,m. and I cou ld see some of my classma tes al ready headed towards schooL 1 ignored the bleeding toe and kept funning. Mana aji saw mc and she called me into her house. She tied a bit of 'kurmudi ' leaves around my toe and gavc mc a glass of milk. I gulped it down and ran home, Ajoba was waiting impatiently ,H rhe gate and he gave me a hard slap on my back. 'Where have you been all this whi le? J've been waiting for my tea.' Eyes stinging with tea rs, I handed the packet of tca to mami, Aji packed chapatis and dal for me. Only Sushccla maushi noticed that I was limp ing and that Ihere was a bandage of leaves on my toe. She hugged me qu ieti ),. 1 went across to the neighbours to take the ir blessings and soon m)' friends Di lip, Kantilal, Vandana Jnd Bela were .at the door calling me. We all set off on Ihe long walk to Salsa, Everybody was in high spirits, bughing and play ing along the way. I walked quietly because: my toc: was hurting me. I took out a book to study while we walked, bu t Dilip kept tcas ing me and refused to let me study. 'Let him study, Dil ip,' said Kamil a!. 'If he doesn't \wdy how will he help us through the exam?' 97

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Soon we reached a little la ke and Handebai, the teacher who was accompanying us, suggested that we stop there ilnd eat our lunch. At 10.30 we reached Salsa and our exam bcg:w :11 eleven a.m. We were seated in a large hall and tbe teacher called out every child's name. He called out my name, 'Kale Kishorc Shantabai.' The boy sitting behind me turned r Ollnd and said , 'Whr Shanta bai? It so unds strange.' There was nothing I could say . But his word echoed in my mind . Almost everybody had their fathers' names after their first names, but few Kolhati children knew who their fathers were. In any casc, most of them did not study beyond primary school and did not have to face the cur iosity a nd disdain of their classmates. I had resolved to study furt her and would have to face all the pro blems that my name and my backgroun d brought. The summer ho lidays began. T he exam results were to be declared in a fortnight. I missed Sai all the rime. I had not forgotten what Nana had said-that I could visit her during rhe summer holidays. Harvestin g was going on at lhe fields and Ji ji was very busy . She had little time for me. I counted each day as it passed and each one seemed longer than a year. I was sad and pining for Bai and wamed to run to her, but had to wait fo r my results . Only mau shi was aware of my unhappiness, and I loved her for that. She understood my pain and tried to compensate for it by trea ti ng me with love . 'What are you thinking of Kisbore?' she asked me time and again. 'J'm not thinking of anything, maushi,' I t1suall r replied, 'I'm just sitting here.'

One evening Ramesh kaka came and chicken was cooked for dinner. Everybody W:lS busy in the house. I ~at alone in a corne r of the veranda, feeling more miserable than usua l. 'What kind of life is this?' 1 thought 'Why did my mother give birth to me? My life is like tha t of a stray dog-any passerby can kick me or shoo me away, a nd I ha.ve to run.'

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Chapter Eight

I

was the only Kolhari boy to pass th e fourth class exam inations. Jiji gave me some money as reward, and I used it to buy suga r to celebrate my success. I firs! offered the sugar at my linle temple under the t ree and then distributed it all over the neighbourhood. 1 visited all Oll r relatives and asked for their blessings. My hean had already raced off to Bai in Sonepcrh and I prayed that God would let me meet her soon. Harvest was over and Jij i was frec. She was on her way to Sangli. 'I wam ( 0 go to Soncpcth, I I told aji. Aioba overheard a nd exploded with rage . He though!

1 wanted

to '

go there for good.

'If you go o ff your mother will never visit

LI S,'

he

yelled, 'She will forger we exist.' Bai sometimes se nt money to pay for my food and clothes which was spent by ajoba on li quor. If I left, thl.' money o rders would stop coming and he would not Ix able to keep himself as well stocked as he liked . Besides, who would do all the chores around the house? So, ajoba had his reasons fo r denying my request. 'You will not go to Soncpcth now and I w ill ensure th at you never go there,' he said. He called aji to the inner room and I heard them

whispering together, 'Don't let him go o r Bai will never send us any money once he is gone.' I huddled in a corner in despair. Maushi and kaka were in an inner room and had heard ajoba's shouting. They now knew why I was so unh;Jppy . At two th at afternoon, the postman came. 1 was near the gate and took the letter he had brought. It was for me ! 'Where is it from?' I asked. 'Soneperh.' I tore it open in great excitement, read the first tw o sentences and started jumping up and down with joy. Maushi, ajoba and a ji saw me and t he ir fa ces lit up w ith big expectant sm il es. They thought Bai was going to visit Nerla . But my leaps of joy were for th e invitation from Rai to visi t her at Sonepeth. '1 had written to yo u earlier, but you haven't come. I have been wait ing for you,' she had written 'Bring Jiji or maushi with you.' \Vh en I read this out, aii's and a jo ba's faces fell. Ajoba was annoyed that she had invited me for a visit and aji was a nnoyed that Bai had not invited her. But I was to go there for two full weeks! I took the letter and ran a ll the way to the fields

yelling for Jiji long before I could see her. Jiji came running towards me, won d ering wha t had happened. I hugged her and pranced around waving the lette r. Mami, w ho was a lso in the fields, came to sec what th e excitement was all about. I waved the letter at them and said to Jiji , 'Bai has asked you and me to vis it her for two weeks! ' Jiji was delighted. Mami said, 'Th ere was a letter for

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I KISHORE SHANTAIJAI

KALE

AGAINST ALL ODDS

you from Bai ten days ago. I saw your ajoba take it and heard rhe postman read it out to him while 1 was cleaning the urensils nearby. Ajoba made me promise not tell you that the letter had corne for you.' A flame of anger shot through me, but I had to keep quiet and say nothing. What was the use of shouting or fighting with ajoba? He would simply yell at ffiaml, perhaps even beat her. That evening Jiii and 1 returned home from thc fields and told maushi that we would leave fo r Soncpclh the next morning. Maushi was delighted. 'Kishorc, you have no clothes to take with you,' she said. 'All your clothes a rc rom and patched. \Vair anothe r day before leaving, and I will go buy you sorne clothes from Karmala.' Bur there was nothing that could stop me from leaving the next day, ' I'll tell Bai I forgot to bring my clorhes with me,' I said. Maushi laughed. 'Don't do that,' she said . 'On your way tomorrow, buy at least one set of clothes from Parali. I will give you the mo ney.' That evening I washed the only set of clothes I h:1d. The thought that 1 was going to see Bai had me so excited that I could not sleep :111 night. It was four o'clock when r finally fell asleep. At six, Jiji woke me up and gave me a bath. As soon as I was dressed, I went off to see Gawli Guruji and his wife. Guruji pur a pinch of suga r in my mouth and held me to his heart, Then I visited all my friends and relatives who lived in our lane. My relatives were overjoyed. Everybody hoped that I would be set free from the miser}' of living in ajobn's house and that this time Baj would keep me with her in Sonepeth.

Everyone came to the bullock cart to see me off. Popat mama harnessed the bullocks to the sma ll two· seater cart called the wagli. He had tears running down his checks. Mami brought a glass of water and made him drink some and wash his face before he drove us to the bus stop. Maushi was on the verge of tears and her legs were trembling. Aji was weeping 10lldly saying, 'Kishya, Kishya, come back soon,' All of us hoped and secretly believed that Bai would now keep me at Sonepeth, that I would, perhaps, never return to Nerla, Still crying, mama set the bullocks going. As soon as the cart moved, the dust rose up and r saw maushi sit on the ground, her trembling legs unable to support her any more. Susheela maushi lo ved me like a son, and she thought she would never see me again. The sight of all the weeping brought tears to my eyes too, bur I was also filled with the joy and excitemcm of going to see my mother. We reached Warkute fifteen minutes before the bus arrived, As soon as the bus came we climbed in :lnd I found myself a window seat. I waved at Popat mama through the window. He was in tears again, but I could cry no more. Excitement had taken over and I was in high spirits. Besides, deep in my heart 1 knew that I was going to return to Nerla in fifteen da ys . 1 doubted that B:1i would ask me to stay with her for good, Also, ajoba had told Jij i, 'Y ou ha ve to bring this boy back. ~f yOll don't, I will not let YOll enter the house ag3in.' So I knew that I would have to return to Nerla. The bus raced ahead, slowing down to a halt at all the bus stops o n the way. I wished it would not stOP anywhe re, simply fly to Sonepeth. But this bus did not

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KI SI-IOI{F. SI-It\NT .... S .... 1 K .... L E

go directly co Soneperh . We had to get off at Kurduwadi and take a bus to Parali at eight a.m. It was 7.45 :l.m. when we reached Kurduwadi. The Parali bus wa s alrcad,. there, and we quickly gor in and found scars. J iji bought the rickets. 1 was now gerting very nervous. Ever), moment see med precious. Jij i plied me with all kinds of ea ta bles but I had no interest in food. 1 just wanted to sec Bai as soon as possible. Dc:spite the anticipation, anxiety and impatience, I fell asleep and woke lip onlr when I hea rd Jiji sa)', 'A rey Ki shya, get up, we've reached Parali, we must get off here.' 1 immed iJ tely got up , picked up the clorh bag in which I had brought my me;lgre belongings, and got off. We took the bus to Sonepe th a[ 1.30 p.m. As soon as we reached Nana's house, Jiji rattled the mem l chain that served as both a knocker and a latch [0 lock up the house when neccss:.uy. Bai looked out of th e window above the door. Her face lit up wh en she saw us, and she ca me run ni ng down to open th e door. She hugged me tightl y, tears runni ng speechlessly down her cheeks. It was so me ci me before she let go of me and remc:mbered to get the traditiona l bhakri [0 circle round us in welcome befo re taking us into the house. My brother had gone to school and Nalla was out working. Bai washed my hands and feet and combed my ha ir. Then she got mil k and bhakri and fed me with her own hands. Although 1 ate a great deal, it was 110[ enough [0 satisfy her. It was as if she wanted ro give me all the years of love and' ca re chat 1 had missed through the

milk and bhakri. The room that Bai lived in was a cramped ten feet by twelve feec·with an attached bath room. There was a 104

,

tiny kitchen in onc corner and a little puia space in another. O n on e side was a single cot with a ma ttress on it. After lunch I fel l asleep on the cot, and Bai and Jiji settled down to a relaxed afternoon of gossip. In a little while, ~ana and Oeepak came home. Nana welcomed Ji ji and asked, 'Where is Kishore?' When he S
...............--------,,-----------------------------KISHOltE SHANTABA ! KAtE

A G AIN ST

Ra i packed us many snacks for the. jou rney and to take back to Nerla. She even bought Jiji 0. sa ri. Early in the morning, we bathed and dressed and prepared to leave. I was in tears and Bai, too, could not stop w eeping while she went about her work. Everybody came to sec us off, bu t Bai did not cross the threshold of the house; she waved to us from inside. Nana came to the bus depot to drop us. I sat in the bus with a heavy heart. My ten days of reprieve were over . Soon I wou ld be back in Ncrla, back in to the hea rt-breaking routine of my miserable existence. Where would the

future take me? 1 cou ld only see darkness before me with not a ray of ligh t piercing through. AU my fri ends and welt-wishers in ~erla were sad to sec me back. 'You r ka rma see ms to be tied to Ncrla , Kisb ya,' ther sa id . O nly ajoba was delighted to have me back. When J was away there was no one to run his errands and do all the chores around the house. H e was relieved that his odd jobs wou ld now be taken ca re of. School reopened and life began to follow its usual course . One Sunday, Popa r mama asked me to ~ake the two buffaloes to the fi elds to graze . M o nsoon had set in, but that day the sky was clear. I packed stale bhakris and pickle in a bag and set off early in the morn ing. I also carried my schoolbooks with me because I had a test the next day. I took the buffaloes co Pir's fiel d. It was the fi eld farthest from the village, nearly fou r kilometres away; bu t it had a little canal running through it where the buffaloes cou ld bathe. All morning I let the buffa loes graze. The afternoon was very hm and sunny and r let 106

,

ALL a D OS

them soak themselves in the canal while I studied for my test. I was very hungry, it had been ho urs since m y lunch o f bha kris and pickle. Suddenly the sky da r kened. In no time a t all a strong wind began to blow. I knew that rain would soon follow and began to g et t he buffal oes out of the water. In one hand I had a stick a nd in the other my schoolbag. The strong wind had wh ipped up all the dry mud and d ust around and I bad to protect my eyes and chase the buffaloes at the same time. 1 got them out o f th e stream at a fairly rapid pace, but by then the wi nd ha d become much stronger. I tr ied to usc the buffaloes' bodies as a shield , but I was still buffeted around by the wind. H uge drops of rain began to fall and within a few minu tes turned into an enormous dow npour. Lightenin g crackled se tting the sky a blaze and there was a huge r o ll of thunder. I screamed in fcar, but there was no one to hear me for miles around. I was sure I would be stru ck and killed by the lightening- there was no place where I could shelter. Sobbi ng, I called out for Jiji. llut she was far, far awa y. 1 rcached the road leading to the village. The rain grew heavier and turned into a hailstorm. I abandoned the buffaloes who refused to hurry, and ran ahead looking for some ki nd of shelter. I saw the Pir's temple and went towa rds it, and stood undet a tree . Just then there was another huge flash of lightening and T knew 1 wou ld be struck if I stayed under the tree, so I ran fr om there. Drenched and sh ivering, cl utchi ng my schoolbag, I ran bl ind ly, sobbing with terror. The buffaloes had gone ahead of me. Trees were c ra shing to the ground around me, but now I was so tired that 1 cou ld barely run . In my panic, I 'c ould not make out 107

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I ICI S HO R E S l i AN T IIDA I t.::AI. E

I

A GAIN ST AL L OD DS

One evening when I returned from school, I found ajoba waiting: for mc at the door. 'You must go to the fIourmill :tnd get the whent and jowar ground, Kishya,' he said as soon as he saw me. '\V/c have no flou r left for tomo rrow and maushi and Ramcsh kaka have also come this evening. Tomorrow the mill will be closed, so go soon, my son.' It was nearly 7.30 in the evening, bur no one had bothered to go co the flourmill till J returncd home. I was tired, and I could have refused, but then a;oba would o nly exaggerate things and tell maush i that I was

unhelpful and stubborn and that is why I had to be treated harshly. I was afraid that maushi and Ramesh kaka would believe him and stop buying me clothes or giving me money fo r my schoolbooks. So, J left the cloth bag wh ich held my schoolbooks in one corner and ajoba put the three kilos of jowar on my head and two kilos of wheat on my shoulder, and 1 set off for the flourmill. The weight was Illore than I could eas ily carry and my ncck was taut with it. But J was used [0 hard labour and did not give it much attention . There were only a few people at rhe mill and in an hour bot h the jowar and whea t were ground and ready. I could nor ca rry borh at the same time, so I picked up the box of jowar flour and headed home intend ing to return later for the whea t flour. A Kol hari boy named Pitambe r had also cOllle to the mill. He was a mischievous IOOlfer who did not attend school. We picked up our boxes o f flour and starred walking back together. It was nearly 8.30 p.m. and the (Dad was dark. We had reached a house and faint lights lit up one side of rhe street. I did nor norice Rokadi, the mad woman, coming down the ocher side of the street. Pitamber let her pass by nnd when we had a gone litrle d istance, he called out, 'Rokadi, Thokadi,' and made a loud, teasing sound after her. Rokadi turned round sharply and with a cry ra n at us. pjtilmber had a small box of flo ur and he ran away. but I carried a big load and cou ldn't run. I hurried as much as I could, my legs trembling with fear. Rokadi picked up a stone and hurled it at me with all her strength. It hit my leg and caused blood to spurt out. She starred running towa rds me with another stone in her hand. J quickly set my box down on the low wall

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109

where I was or even whe re I had come from. But instinct seemed (0 have brought me in the right direction, because I soon saw the outskirts of the village, and there was J iji running down the lane calling out my name

loudly. As soon as she · saw me, hystnica J and bedraggled, she ran tmvnrds me. nut 1 had no energy left and dragged my feet forward in misery. In her anxious rush, Jiji slipped and fell. But she was all her feet before I rcached her, limping to me and cryillg. 'Kisan' and hugging me right, as if she would never let me go again. Popal mama had gone off to another field (0 look for me. Jiji (Ook me home. I changed out of Illy wcr clothes, spread out my schoolboo ks (0 dry and then ate a meal ~f Illilk and bhakri that aji gave me. Jiji put me to sleep III another room, but in a few hours my body was burning with fever. I could not appear for Ill)' test the next day. Instead I had (0 be taken ro the doctor. It was four days before I recovered fr om the illness and shock of it all.

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KISH O RE SHA!'.ITABAI KA L E

round the .house nearby and ran, limping, walking, shrieking in fear. But Rokadi threw another stone and this onc hit me on my forehead just above my eye. A few centimetres lowe r and I could have lost my eye. Blood gushed out of the wound and now I was running with my hand over one eye and blood oozing down between my fingers. Mana aji was going down rhe road and saw me. She took one look at my face and hurried me imo her house. M)' wound was cleaned up and she asked me what had happened. I told her everything. Her son as ked me about the flour and where 1 had left it. He went off and collected both the boxes of flour for me.

11 0

Chapter Nine The little free rime that r had in my childhood was spem playing with gi rls. There were a lot o f little girls in the neighbourhood and they were aU my frie nd s. I used to pia)' langdi (a game in which one person has to chase the others hopping on one foot while the rest of Ihe players run :lnd dodge him in a predefined sqU:l rc arca ), jivlya (seven tiles, in which seven flat tiles arc stacked in the cenrre, one group throws a ball or stone !O topple the tiles and rhe ocher group tries to reb uild Ihe pile while avoiding being caught or hit with the ball by the other group), and many othc r gamcs. One of our favourite games was a tnake·believe wedding. Once I dressed up as the bride in a white cotton sari, a Kolhati bride always wears a white sari, with coloured threads as the mundavali, the decorative strings that arc tied across the forehead and hang on either side of the face of the bride and the groom. Someone had brought haldi, which is used to sprinkle on the bride and the groom, an auspicious rite. Even kumkum and snow was put on my face. n,C make·bclieve groom was dressed in taccered pieces of cloth which represented a shawl. Wc were playing in our farmyard away from the house, There was nobody th ere that day except us kids-

KJSIIORE SHANTABAJ

AGA!NST ALL 01)1)5

KALE

Chhaya, Sanjay, Vinayak and some o the r childrena bo ut a dozen of us. We picked some beans fr om the plants in the ga rden and pretended to cook a meal. Someone h3d smuggled some bhakri out of the house and we ate that with grea t enjoyment. Then we added realism to the whole thing by filing in a procession like a bara:lt. A few ghungroos were tied ro Ill", feet and when Vithya started beating rhythm on an empty box, [ began to dance with all the others. What a racket we created! There was shaming, singing and th e raucous r hythm of the tin box. And in the midst of it all J • danced with abandon and all the girls danced with me. None of us heard aji come into the garden, her voice made us jump out of our skins. 'Kisrya, why weren' t yo u born a girl, damn you?' The tin drum was suddenly and abruptly silenced, the singing and dancing stopped, and all the kids took off at a run. Aji caught me. She was fmiolls. She picked up her stick and it landed hard on my shoulders. She gave me a few sharp blows before I managed to free myself and ran off at great speed to Mana aji's house. r stayed there all day until aji came at night and enticed me home with sweet words. But as soon as 1 reached home, Popat mama beat me till 1 was sore allover. Ajoba said, 'If I see YOll dancing or playing with girls again, I'll kill you .' ~ane of this, however, prevented me from playing with girls again. It was one habit that juS( could not be beaten out of me. My load of household chores increased with each passing day. Final exams for class five were round rhe corner and I had very little time to study. J had chores in the house, the farm, th e fields, and I had to attend

school. What tim e remained was used fo r studies. Sundays were school holidays, but J had to take the ca ttle alit to graze. Sometimes, J had to miss school so that I cou ld look after the cattle. While the catrle grazed, I thou ght I could study. However, what often happened was that I got engrossed in my books and the cows and buffaloes wandered off and destroyed the crops in a neighbouring field. That meant a scolding and a beating for me. The other herdsmen made fun of me and a hen forced me to go after the ir cattle, which they had carelessly allowed to wander far off. Harvesting tim e in the fields and my final examinations came together. My chores increased and I was compelled to give them priority over my stud ies. Soon, however, exams ended and the summer holidays started. I wondered what I could do during rhe holida.ys. I wanted to visit Sai at Sonepeth, of cou rse . In fact, she was in Illy thoughts all the time. But Bai did not wam me there. Ultimately, Rambha m:lUshi rook me to the jalsa pacty at Barshi. Because of the harvest Jiji could not go with her. I went very reluctantly. At Nerla, my chores were defined and organized . At the ja!sa party, on the other hand, I had to run errands not only for the women, but also for all the men who visited the women. I was kept o n my feet aU the time doing all kinds of things. 'Kisrya, hook up my blouse for me.' 'Kisrya, get the flowe rs for my hair.' 'Kisrya, have you got my sari pressed?' 'Kishore, have you co ll ected the money from that man?' 'Ay you monkey, the tea hasn't come yet, just go

11 2

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KISIIORE SHANTA BAI

KA L E. II G lllN ST ALL

and see, and get it with you.' 'Kisrya, have you washed the clothes? Otherwise, I'll be in trouble.' It never ended. People were rude and insulting to me, since a young Kolhati boy obviously could not command any respect from the kind of people who came there. I was a delicate-look ing boy and some of the men kissed me. The monotony of the song and dance routine eve ry single evening was terribly boring. And most of all, the sadness and despair of the women behind their laughing facades affected me deeply and made me very depressed. For the women and for me, life seemed to hold no hope of happiness. In fac t, their lives were sunk in a deeper da rkness than mine. h was midnight and a special session was being held in one of the rooms . The Ch itra -Gu I1.ar party was pe rforming at this session. There we re five or six spectators. The girls were danc ing and singing, rhe men were drinking and watching. As the time passed, one of them began beati ng the rhythm on his glass, one or two threw money at the girls and one of them got up to dance with them. I was standing on one side watching the show. I was tired and very sleepy. Bur I had to scay awake because sooner or later onc of the men would want something or the ocher. At the mo ment they were on a high of alcohol, women and money. But soon they ra n out of liquor. 1t was three a.m. when one of them got up, came towa rds me and said, 'Come on boy, come with me.' We went in a car to the market. I enjoyed the car ri de. The shops were all closed, but one shopkeeper hea rd the car and opened his door a few inc hes. He

OIlOS

handed over a couple of botrles of alcohol and we went back to the thea n e. The baithak welH on paSt five o'clock in the morning. The men continued drinking. Some of them passed out where they sat. The dancers kept dancing and I rocked on my fee t wi th sleep. Finally, all of them either dozed off or passed o ll r and the dancers thankfull y went off to change ;lOd sleep. 1 collcc~ed all the empty bottles and glasses and piled them m a corner. The men were oblivious to everything. ~{ost of them wore gold chains with pendants round their necks and rings on their fingers. Their pockets \~ere bulging with cash. One of them was askep on a piece of paper on which chivda had been kept. I left the room, went off into the main theatre and thankfully Well[ to sleep. I woke up at nine o'clock that morning, had a ba th Jnd carried hot water for the women to bathe. There were two servants at the theatre, but one of them had gone off on an errand to the ma rket and the other was III. Since it was a Tuesday, the day of the Goddess, some of the women, including Rambha m3ushi, bathed early Jnd went to the temple. After a while I hea rd the men gen ing up. I braced myself ~or the calls of 'Hey, boy, get me tea, get me water, find my chappals . . .' tha t invariably followed as they came to consciousness. But there was a loud shout msread. 'Where is my locket?' , There was panic. The loss of gold jewellery from the X1dy of a specta tor was taken very seriously. The theatre owner was summoned. Most of the men suspected r.JC because I was in the room all night and the last to

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leave . I broke down in fear and cried. 'S::t heb, l have not taken you r locket.' . • 1 touched their feet. Someone said, 'Call the pollee, but another sa id, 'Arey, why are acclls ing th is child . He is innocent. Why would he rob anything?' The others were not convinced. Fortunately for mc, some of the women. who had gone to the tcm pl~, returned juSt then. They heard the commotion and c~mc to see what had happened. A girl named Usha ran mto the room and sa id to the man, 'Your locket and mOl~c~ are with me. Last night. yOll were drunk and dancmg and jumping and the locket and money fell on the floor. 1 picked it up for safekeeping.' Everyone fell silent. The man caUie up to me, patted my head and said, 'Who arc you? Why do you work her. e . I" told him and he, with h is fri ends, took me out In his car. They bought me ncw clothcs and thcn dropped me back ar the theatre. Rambha m:lUshi was not back yet, and the girls made me promise tha~ I woul? not ICI her know about this incident. They said that It would on ly lead to fights and accusations within the party. S0: J kept quiet about the whole thing and Rambha mausht hea rd nothing about it. 1 left that very day for Nerla. On the bus stop 1 mel Babya who worked in another jalsa part)'. He w.n always telling me th at we should run 3W~y together .10 · When he saw me leaving for Ncrla. he , 53 !J . IM urn b'lI. 'Arey, Kishya, are you going back to N erla? Don t go: let's run off to Mumbai, instead. We can earn a 10101

money there.' 'I don't want to go to Mumbai, l'm going to m!·

village; I cold him. 1 wanted to finish my schoo ling and perhaps, become a schoolteacher. Two days after 1 reached Nerla, Jiji left for Barshi. My results were due in a coup le of days. 1 missed Bai. but this time she had not even w ritten me a letter. \'Vhen my results were declared and t had passed. I wrote the good news to Raj but she never wrote back . The summer came to an end. and school reopened. This year I had money to buy my books and did not necd to ask maushi and Ramcsh kaka. Th is was money I had earned at Barshi. I bought second-hand books for class six and hid the remaining fifty rupees. Ajoba knew I had some money with me. 'Looks like yo u have brought a lot of money back from Barshi. Give me some [ 0 buy a bottle. son.' But I told him that I had no more money, tha t I had spent it all on my books. Ajoba, however, was not fooled. He kept a strict cye o.n me. I used to h ide m y money under a broken tile up on the roof. One day, I look it down and put it in my schoolbag since I had a few things to buy. I bought a compass box and a pen and hid the change in the leaves o f one of my notebooks. When I reached home, ajoba immediately sent me off to the farm to get some dried eowdung cakes. I hung my schoolbag on a nail and ran off. It was only when I had reached the farm that I remembered I had left the money in the schoolbag. I quick ly co llec ted the cakes in a basket and ran all the way home. 1 luok down the schoo lbag and leafed through the notebook. The money was gone. Accusing anyone o f taking it would have inv ited a beating. So, 1 said nothing, but angcr burned in my heart. 117

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In rhe c\'ening a joba came back wi th bottles of liquor. Aji cooked fi sh and then she sat down to drink, as she occasionally did, with ajoba. I was sitti ng outside watching them and liS[ening to th eir conversntion. The anger in my heart was turning into rage. Aji asked, 'Daru ku kadase paise laye?'{Where did you get the money to buy this alcohol?) Before ajoba cou ld answer, I shouted, 'Give my money back. You should he ash:lmed of yourself, stealing a ch il d's moncy . Gm ndfarhers give money to their grandch ildren, not s teal from them.' M y rage was spillin!; ollr a nd I co uld not comrol it. The fifty n lpees would have taken carc o f my school expenses for the whole year. And I had done all kinds of chores and back-breaking work to carn rhe money at Barshi . A joba picked up his stick and ch arged at me yelling, 'I'll bea r you ti ll you die, you vermin. How dare you insul t me. Your mother has not left a pot of money here for you. You cat our food and dare to insult us. Get out of here.' 'Give me my money firs t and' will get out of here,' J retorted. 'Otherwise 1 warn you, th ere wi ll be none as bad as me.' Ajo ba hit me with his stic k. I ran out of the house and threw a stone at him. I comple tely forgot that he was my grandfather, J was so consumed with rage. Everyone came out of the house and starred yelling at m e. Popat mama caught me and started hitting me. I w as sc re amed and shouted at and th e entire neighbourhood turned up to see what was going on. Mana aji rescued me from mama's cl utches . 'Poor motherl ess child,' the neighbours whi spered to

e.a ch other. 'What harm has he done ? These peop le ha ve h~ed ~n the ea rnings of his mo ther and now they [reat him like an animal. He works from morning to night. ~ot a leaf can stir in th is house with out him . They send hun off to the . fields at all hours of the day and night, and cosset their own sons like precious sand that will slip out of thei r hands. Kondi dada has taken this child's money and is beating him a ll top of it.' Popat mama yelled at them, ' What are you doing here creating a co mmotion? We'll solve ou r own problems without your com ments. None of YOll need interfere. ' Mana aji took me home, consoled me and gave me dinner. BlIt I was so upset t could ha rdly ea t. I missed Rai. I wished I could go to her, But what was the use of going to Sonepcth ? In a few days I would have to return to Ne da. Why did n't my mothe r let me live wirh her? Was I not her son ? Did she not love me? A million tormenting questions raced through my mind and I thought I would go mad. O ne of our neighbours, Kantaba i, had a car. She often went to ParaH in it. J went to her and asked her if she would take me [ 0 Sonepeth . But she said, 'You ~ave ~chool to ~tte nd, Kishya. This is you r last yea r, lust gird y,our 101l1s and get through it. I'll take yOll to Sonepe th III the summe r. Anyway, your mother does not want you staying there for long, so wh y do yo u wa nt to go there?' I sadly returned to Mana aji's house . I knew Kanrabai had been fai r and ho nes t. I spent the night at Mana aji's and she even agreed to let me stay with her fo r rhe rest of the year. My hea rt fclt much lighter. Bur ea rly in the

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morning aji came there in tears and said, 'We arc sorry Kishya, we have wronged you. Please forgive us and come back home.' Sushecla maushi also came with her, and so I went back with them. What else could I have done? I had neither home, nor parents of my own. I appeared for and passed my sixth standard exams and joined the seventh. This meant that I had to live at S'erla for only one more year, because th e school at Nerla went no furrher than the seventh. The school had no English teacher, and 1 could not read or write even a bc even tho ugh I was in class seven. A million new fears now haunted Ille. Who would p ay for my education beyond class seven? I would have to go to Karmala or another big [Own to study further. Ajoba had decided that 1 need not study any furth er. 'You have studied up to rhe seventh and that is enough. More, in fact, than any Kolhari boy. There is no need to study any further. It is not as if you arc going to get a job or something. You better Jearn to work in the fields or join the jaJsa party and learn to play the dholak. I can buy you a couple of buffaloes and half a dozen goats,' he often said. My mother had given up dancing, had run away from life in a jnlsa party. And now her own son wou ld play the dholak and make other women dance to his rhythms? The very thought made me sick. Sometimes, I dreamt that naj had tied ghun groos round her fee t and was dancing on stage while I played the dholak. 1 started up from deep sleep, sweating in panic. Then J would spend the res t of the night sleepless with anxicty and despair.

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Ever)' parent wishes that his or her child should study, should find a respectable place for himself in society. Then why did my mother not fed the same way? Why did she not wish that 1 be well-ed ucated ? What would I be in a few years? A dacoit or a thief? A goatherd? A drummer in a tamasha party? Why doesn't my mother worry about this? Does she never think of what is happening in my life, what is happening to me? My head spun with these thought'S. Once or twice in a year, Bai would sen d a money order for me. That too, would be taken away by ajoba. 1 had 110 chappals, 1 went barefoot to school; my sham were usually torn at the sent; my mind and heart were bruised and my body tired with the endless chores I had to do everyday. It occurred to me one day. that it would be an escape from the oppressive d rudgcry of my da il y life, if 1 wen t to Sonepeth and tOld Bai, 'If you are ashamed to tell people that I am your son, thcn tell them that J am your servant. Let me stay with you and I will do aU your work . You will have help, you need not feel ashamed of me, and my education will be taken care of.' Then, 1 thought, if she still refuses to let me live with her, I wili run away to Mumbai with Babya. I decided to go to Sonepeth the next day, but 1 had no money fo r the jou rney. So, I sold myo id class six books and a few chickens from the f3rm. Without telling anyone, I left for $onepcth. When Bai saw me, she looked delighted, but I could sense that her fecli ngs were mixed. Was she, perbnps, not so happy to see me, after all? 1 wondered. I was afraid that after five or six days she would send me back to Nerla. 1 could not find rhe cou rage to ask Sai

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to let me stay with her. I didn't know what Nana would say, and everybody was afraid of Nana. No o ne dared say much ro him. Besides, Bai's home was a tin-roofed roo m with a kitchen inside it and a sma!! cot on onc side. So tiny it was that when Nana was home one had to sit in franc of him. Would Nana think I wo~ld crowd the room too much if 1 lived therc? The next room housed the flou rmiU. A la rge window in the wall connected the two rooms so that Bai could keep an eye on the flourmill and take the money from clients. She often had to interrupt her cooking to look after the cl ients at the mill There was one serva nt at the flourm ilJ. H e belonged to Morhi Ai's (literally, cider mother ,,:hich i~ what I called my stepmother ) village and had lived With Nana since he was a young lad. We used to call him mama. H e lived and ate in the house. I helped Bai aro und the h ouse and with the cooking. N ana and Bai were amazed chat I could coo k a meal. The day before Gudi Pa dw3, the Indian New Year, Bai started her periods and according to custom, she did noc cook or even touch things around the house wh ile m enstruatin g. She W3S very worried because on Padwa puranpoli (ro tis stuffed with cooked and sweetened paste o f gram) had to be made and all the workers in the house and the field were invited to lunch. She did nO[ know who would do the cooking for her. The next day, ~ woke up at four a.m., had a bath, did the puja and fdled fresh water fr om the tap. 'I'll make bhakri or some poha (pounded rice) for Nana's breakfast,' J said to Bai a nd disappeared behind the cun a in which separated the kitchen area from the rest of the room.

fiai had to stay away from the kitchen and most of the things in the room, so she decided to sit in the flourmill and keep an eye on things there. She had no idea what I was doing in th e kitchen . Nana and Deepak were asleep on the bed. All the things needed for the festive meal had already been bought, and I got down to work. I boiled th e gram, mashed it, cooked it with sugar and made pur anpolis. I also made amti, a th in dal, and set the rice on the fire to cook. By n ine o'clock the meal wa s ready. Mama carne in from the mill and moved the cu rta in aside to see who was cooking. \Vhen he saw the meal, he called out, 'Akka, (elder sistereveryone in Sonepeth called Bai akka) come and see, Kishore has made puranpolis.' Bai looked in through the window and was as tou nded. Neither she nor mama could believe their eyes. Nana w oke up, bathed and asked Bai, 'What's for lunch?' Bai sa id, 'Just wait for a few minutes .' When Nana saw the puranpolis, he asked, '\Vho has made these?' He could not believe thar I had cooked the meal. Everybody a te lunch-the washerwoman, the cartle shed cleaner, the woman who wn shed utensils. I served everybody a nd then Bili, Deepak and I ate. The next day, the cleaner said to Ba i, 'That was a very tasty meal you gave us yes terday. I have never eaten such good amri ever before.' 'My elder son cooked it,' said Bai proudly. My hean swelled with joy, It was the first time that Bai had publicly called me her son. At rhe end of the four days of menstruation, I

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bathed Bai (women did not bathe during their periods) and helped her wash her hair. Then I gave her a hot meal. I had taken over the responsibility of collecting money from the clients at the f1ourmill, and sa t at the mill keeping an eye on things. Bai depended on me more and more. Nana said to her, 'Doesn't Kishore ever get tired and fed up? You should tell your beloved Deepak to learn something from him. Dear Deepak starts crying at the vcr)' thought of work.' Nana and Bai decided that. I should stay on al Sonepcth with them and continue my studies there. My happiness seemed to fill the skies.

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Chapter Ten

W hen schoo'ls reopened. Nana sent a Ictrer to the Nerla school asking them to send my admission and transfer papers to the school at Sonepeth. The Sonepeth school also sent them a letter but the papers never camt:. Kondiba ajoba had ensured that they would not bt: sent because he was fu rious that I was not returning to Nerla. After a fortnig ht, Nana went personally to Nerla to bring th e papers and I joined the senior school ar Sonepeth. 'II anyone asks yo ur caste,' Bai told me, 'say you are a Sali, because I am a Sali.· My admission papers clearly stated that I was a Kolhati, but I had to do what Bai said. Truth always comes out, however, and my little lie lasted only fo r a few short days. The teachers and students wondered about me and my name: 'He is said to be Krushnarao Wadkar's so n. Then, why is his name Kishore Shantahai Kale?' they whispered behind my back. 'Krushnarao Wadbr is of the Sali caste but Kishore's papers say that he is a Ko lhati. Then whose son is hc?' Some said that I had no bther at all. I was awa re of all the speculation about me and, in the beginning, I

"ISHOIlE SHAN T AIlAI "ALE

dreaded going to school. But J soon got used to it. Nobody at school made friends with me. For d ays I kept to mysel f, quietly anending classes and then going home. Finall y, two boys, Dcepak Lan de a nd Sanjay Lande, started tal king to me, but the others teased them and called them names for befriending me, and soon the)', too, kept away. I had a lot of tro uble with my st udies. I knew no Englis h at all, a nd the rest of the class could read and write the language. Everybody made fun of my pronunciatio n. I was also slapped by the teacher for my inabil ity to de,, 1 with English. At Nerla I was lIsed to one teacher [e"ching all the subjects. But at Sonepeth there was a different teacher for eve ry subject. I found this very disconcerti ng. I used to study in the f1ourmill. I had to look after the mill, too, and collect the money from the clients and keep accounts. Nana always left home at eight p.m. every evening and returned at fo ur a.m. the next morning, He spent the who le night playing cards at th e clu b, the whole day he slept. He usually woke up at five in the evening and asked for the daily accoums of the fJourmill. I alwa ys wrote them down very neatJy-m onl!Y collected, money spent and money due. Borh the households, Eai's and Mothi Ai 's, ran on earni ngs from the mill. At school, my English gradually improved as did my soeec h and behavi our, and I seemed less of a country • bumpkin. But my workload , which had rema ined the sallle in the beginning, also changed-for the worse. Though the physica l labour was abo ut the same, the mental pressures were much more ;1t Sonepeth, Nana llsed to dabble in 'rna tb ' -a kind of illegal lonery. The day he won, he wou ld be full of smi les, but 126

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when he lost, all the anger and frustration was poured on us. It was the same when he lost at cards. Then , r was beaten up o ut of sheer anger and frustration. At Nerla I had learne ro be stoic about my troubles . But, at So~epc(h, it was very hard to see the pain that Bai had to bear. )Jana ofte n went away for three or fo ur days at a strctch. Many peop le told Ba i that he visited a ialsa party, Ram bha rnaushi and other gi rls from ~ he party even wrote to Bai telling her that Nana was see ll~g another dancl!f. But Bili said nothing and bore her pam in si lence. Deepak used to cat bread with his Illorning tea and this bread was eaten before Nana woke up. Ba i would offer us all kinds of food before Nana awoke. It was something I never understood. Why this sccrecy from Nana? Why did she have to hide fr om Na na whOJ t wc ate in her own house? Decpak was a poor eater, and though in class four, he still fed from Bai's breasts. He loved fruits, So Sai sent me to bu y him fruits every day. Sometimes I bought mangoes, sometimes dates. It was all done without Nana's knowledge, of course. Dcepak ate the fruit that J bought, but never offered me a b it~ , Bai never offered me any, either. 1 tried not to let It bother me because I knew that Bai loved Dcepak mo re than me, I I was able to complete my educa tion at Soncpcth and for that, J was grateful. I knew that Nana and Rai needed;) servant, and that is why I was allowed to stay with them. J understood and accepted why I had been allowed to live at Sonepeth when I was older, and nor when I was a child. I passed my seventh standard examinations. Then , we heard that Jiji was ill , so J went to Nerla to see her. 127

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T was hardly recognized there! Everyone exclalmed at the change in me, in the way I looked, walked and talked. Old friends and neighbours were delighted to see me; they believed that my years of bani s,hment had ended. Only I knew that my troubles wefe far from over, that my life would never be easy. I sometimes (dt tha t, perhaps, death alone would bring me release f~om my burdens. When r was leaving for Nerla, Bai and Nana had asked me to look for a good old woman or a young girl who co uld come and live with us and help Rai in the house. At Ncrla, Susheela maushi was so impressed with the change in me that she asked me if I cou ld rake her daughter, laya, with me. Jaya was then in class three and T thought that she would be th e ideal choice fo r ' a helper for Bai. She could help a round t he house and go to school in a bigge r town. Once Jaya came to Sonepeth, my burdens eased a little and I had more time to study. She was admitted to school there and helped Rai around the hOllse. Nana, however, continued his trips to the jalsa pa rries. He was now out for five days every week. Bai knew exactly what was happening, bur co uld do nothi ng except worry. What was there to stop Nana from bringing another woman home? She vented all her pent up anxiety and ange r on me. Two beautifu l wives in the house, and Nana still had to find new women at jalsa parties. It's truc, a leopard can never change its spots. Nana returned ho me a fter a few days but Baj stopped talking to him. Nana had his meals with M o thi Ai and spe nt most of his waking hours there, so th at he could avoid talking to Bai. A few days latcr, a jalsa

parry came to Soncpcth, and again Nana spent hi s days and nights therc. He had forged a relationship wi t h a dancer named Sha lan and spent enormous amounts of money on her . When he ran aU[ of cash, he started selling off things from the house . For days on end, Nana did not sleep at home. I could understand my mother 's feelings. She felt uncertain and insecure and afraid that she would be abandoned. She was in the grip of such sorrow and despair that she spent all her time in prayer, oblivious to anything else in the house. With Jaya's help, j did all the cooking. finally, one day, Bai and Morh i Ai decided that they would go to the jalsa party and confront Nana there. But Morhi Ai was 50 frightened of Na na t hat she trembled at the thought of do ing battle with him. Although she tried, she could not gather the courage and finally, refused to go to the jalsa party with us. At eleven p.m . that evening, Bai, Jaya and I set off towards the place where the ta masha was being held. But our neighbour's so n saw us and ran ahead to warn Nana . Nana left the tamasha and started off briskly down th e lane behind the municipality building. We ran after him, but Nana wa s faste r and he reached home before us. When we entered the room, Nana was in a . towenng rage. 'Wherc did you go wandering at this hour of the night?' he shouted at Bai. 'You step out of the house at this hour again and I'll break your legs.' Rai was men strua ting thcn, so Nana started beating up Jaya, )rcl ling, 'How can she be any better? She will also be true to her caste.' Nana beat Ja ya until she nearly faintt:d. Finally, Rai

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could bear no more and caugh t Nana by the neck. We were all screaming and wailing. Nana let go of Jaya and started beating Bai. I ran out to get a stone to hit him with, but Nana caugh t me and beat me seve rely. 'Ch ildren of a tamasha dancer! What can be expected of them!' Nana shouted. He turn ed on Jaya again. 'Her mother's arse! Who had asked her (0 intervene in my business?' Jaya was so frightened, she ran away fr ol11 the house. 'Like mother like daughter,' said Nana in disgust, wa tching her disappear down the lane. Then be turned on us, 'And what is wrong with all of you? Wai ling away as if somebody had died in the house!' Nana picked up the images of the gods fro m Bai's little puja place and th rew them :It her. When she was menstruating Bai d id not touc h anything or anyone in the house, a nd touch ing her gods wa s blasphemous. (It is an orthodox Indian belief t hat women arc unclean when they menstruate, and so for four days they do not touch anything in the house.) Bu t there was Nana throwing them at her. Bai sc rea med at Na lHl, 'You first ensure that I have a place and a n income to live on befo re you go o ff to other women. You begged me to leave the jalsa party and come and live with you here, I did not chase you. You love to taste different flesh every day, but 1 am not that kind of person. You settle me properly aod then go where you like. You promised to buy me fields wh en you brought me here, but it is twelve years now and you have still not kept your word. I have lived in this horrible tin shed, worn old and torn

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sa ris. You have wheedled all my gold jewellery from me and gambled it away. You have taken everything and now you wn llt me to go? Where do you think I ca n go? How will I look after Illy children ? Give me nn income that will support me, and a proper roof over ou r heads, and yOll can keep as many wome n as you like.' Bai was sobbing loudly now. 'I d idn't ask to be brought here,' she said, 'Don '[ . rum

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'W ha t do 1 ca re?' sneered Nana. 'Go and find another man, you a rc free to go now. Obviously, I have not sa tisfied you.' Thnt was the last straw for I~ni . She had been completely faithful to Na na, though he had treated her so badly. She had aba ndoned her son, severed conmer with her family and done everything she could to make him hrlPPY. After aU that, Nnna had so easi ly told her to simply walk ou t of his life. Bai c harged at him shoming, 'I will not leave yOll and go anywhere. Even if you die, 1 will £ollmv you to the cremation ground and boil your bones and eat them. Neither, you nor your ancestors ,all escape me now. I didn't leave cvcr},thing behind and come to live here with you just to leave a t a moment's notice like this. 1 broke all ou r sodal ru les, did nO( give a second thought to my pa rents, even abandoned my child-a nd you think I will simply go away now? I spent all my youth with you and now you tell me to go?' Nana attacked Rai again, more viciously than befo re. I could havt' killed Nana (hen, but because of Ra i I controlled myself. At 2.30 a. m. that morning Bai ran out of the hou se. We chased after her. She headed 131

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straight for the river and was about to jump in when I caught her sari and pulled her back. 'Why did you give birth to us when you ca n not look after us?' 1 cried. Nann came and took us back home. If we had not

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returned to Nana's tin room, where else could we have gone? Even if we had gone away in a fit of rage, society would have accused us of deserting him. 'She was a dancer,' peop le wou ld have said, 'she muS( have had some affai r, that is why rhe man had to throw her out.' We would have been unable to live in Sonepcth. Tha t is why 13ai went home quietly.

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T he vc ry nex t day Nann went awa), again. We were all ver y worried. We knew that he was do ing all he could to throw SOli out of his house . Bu t whal could we do? Where cou ld we go? Bai Illet aU the infl uential people o f the town, Na nsa hcb Jahagirda r, Darropam Paralka r, even some rela tives and frien ds; but nobody wamed to inrerfere in the matter. They we re all afraid of Nana's temper. Ba i could find no solution to her dilemma and she cried aU rhe rime. Nana periodically rerurned to Sonepcth and beat us black and blue each time he came. I was angry and fed up. 'S trangle us :lnd let us die,' I said to Bai. 'Then you do whatever you want ( 0 do. But if you die firs t, what will happen to us? \Yle will be begging on the Streets or robbing and thieving. 1 am nor going to listen to you any more. I am going to kill Nana.' I picked up a stone and started running down the road where Nana had Just gone. Bai caught me and

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said, 'Arey Kishorc, don't do tha t. Kill me if you must, bur do n't kill him.' After all this, Ba i still cared for Na na . The next day Nana went off again. Sh:d an's jalsa pa rty left town bur l'\ana did not rerum for a week. Jaya was miserbale and thin wi th worry and fear. She fought with Sa i and shouted at her, but Bai did not react or even answer her. At inst, Ja ya wrote to he r mother and Susheela maushi camt! to Soncpcrh. The day she arrived there was no food in the house, no kcrosene to light the stove. Maush i gave me some mo ney to buy rice and I sat down to cook some khichd i. There was no wood to light rhe cooking fi re and I tried to srart up the fire with rwigs amI wood shavings. It smoked rerribly and made my eyes water. [ started coughing an d maush i came and lit the fire for me. Bai was crying in a corner. She could not do or say anyth ing. 'If I were in your placc,' maushi sa id to he r, '} would have commi tted su icide by now . Why live like a dog?' Nana came home that day and asked me to buy some sabudana (sago) and pound it into a powder. Sabudana is not ("asy [Q powder and I struggled wirh it. SusheeJa maushi watched me and said, 'God is really testing you, isn 't He, Kishore? How much is He going to put you through? Even here, living with your mother, your life is no better than a dog's.' Susheela maushi took Jaya away to N erla. After she left, Bai and I went to Parbhani to visit Ramrao Lonikar, an MlA. When Ba i was with rhe jalsa party at Selu, tht! MLA had accepted her as his fos ter sistc r. Nagin maushi, then a sixtcc n·yearoold d ancer, had lJ)

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captivated Lonikar and he had brought her away from the tamasha. He had set her tip in a house of her own. Down the yea rs, Nagin maushi had been treated with respect and affection, and she now had three sons and a daughter. Bat and Nagin maushi were good friends . We poured our all our troub les to Nagin maushi, hoping that her sympathy for us would influence Lonikar who would then somehow help us . When we got home, we found Deepak sining alone in the room looking forlorn and miserable. Tears ran down his face, but he did not say a word [Q us . Nana was nowhere to be seen. Bai took off Deepak's sh irt to g ive him a bath and almost recoiled from th e sigh t of his back. It was black and blue and there were wea ls all oyer, the skin had peeled off in some places. In other places, there were dark splotches of congealed blood. Neighbours , who had heard us come into the hOllse, called Bai and told her, 'Nana beat him up like an animal. This poor child was rolling on the floor with pain but the man kept on hitting him. Even when Deepak ran out of the hOl1se, Nana chased him and thrashed him as if he were an animal. Many people saw what was happening bur nobody went to the poor child's rescue.' Deepak co uld not say a word . Silent tears ran down his checks and Bai and I wept with him. Nana returned on a Monday. Bai did not say a word to him because she wanted no acrimony on a Monday. Monday was her day of fasting and she used to ritually wash Nana's feet in a thali (a steel or brass plate) with water from the Ganga, then wipe them, apply haldi and kumkum, wash them again and drink

the water. When Nana sa t on the bed, Bni brought the thali and the Iota (a small brass urn used for water) and placed it at his feet. Nana kicked the water over, much to Bai's horror, and Bai and he had a big fight again. Nana stomped off to the si tting room in the other part of the house to sleep. It was summer and Bai's room was unbearably hot. Bur she was unaware of the heat; she sat in front of her gods cryi ng and asking, 'Wha t should I do now? What ,will become of me? Where will I go?' As if in reply, Nann came rushing into the room , 'Snake! Snake! There is a cob ra in the sitting room with its hood spread ou t ready to strike. It twice struck at a piece of paper lying near my head.' Bai rushed into the sitting room and saw the cobra with its raised head and hood . The cobra is symbolic of Lord Shiva, who wears one round his neck, and Monday is Shiva's day. Bai fasted .and prayed to Shiva every Monday. She fold ed her hands and gently bowed before the snake in the sitting room . The snake lowered its hood. By then, Na rayan mama had brought the snake charmer who caught the snake and took it away . But the story spread like wildfire throughout the neighbourhood. People were wondersrruck, especially those who had seen the dead ly serpent. Nana was very subdued. He was now convi nced that if he were nor good to Bai, the gods would punish him. It was Raj's prayers that Shiva himself had answe red in the guise of the snake, Nana believed. Never again did he hit Bai. What's marc he stopped going to tamashas and visiting other dancers. Nana had incu rred an enormous debt due to

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gam bling at cards. He decided to sell one of his fields, repay the debt and use the rest of the money to buy another piece of land. The money from rh(: sale of the field was lying in the cupboard when the dates for the municipa l elections were announced. Nana was a member of the Municipal Cou ncil but had done no work at al l. He knew that peo ple were angry with him and would not re-elect him. However, Bai and t set Out to work as ha rd as we could for hirn---campaigning for him all over his constituency ((he area which he hoped to represent in the Council ), and I spen t hours every night painting election slogans on public walls. None of Na na 's other relatives came forward to help. Well-known leaders like the cx-MLA Unamrao Vitekar, Shivaji Mahajan and others, visited Nana's constituency and distributed jowar to the people there in exchange for prom ises of voreS j but Nana did not vis it his own ward even once because he was convinced that he would lose. The elections en4ed and counting began. Bai sat before he r gods and prayed. Nana's opponent Vishwanath Bansod e, the BJP candidate, and Nana a Congress (I) candidate polled an identical number of votes. It was decided that a toss of coin would decide who would be the winner. Nana won. Hundreds of people came rushing to our house with the good news. Nana felt that it was only Rai's prayers that had brought him this good luck. He garlanded Bai with the first garland of flower s that was brought for him. 'Tt was beca use of you that I won ,' he said to her. 'You have helped me hold my head high in society.' The money in the cupboard had been freely used during the campaign, and it was nearly aU over. Bai 136

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kept telling Nana that he should buy land as soon as possible, before :111 the money vanished . 'Buy it on you r namc,' she urged him. 'It docs nOt have ro be on my name . Take whatever of my jeweller y is left, if YOLI need to.' A pi ece of prime land belonging to o nc Deshrnukh came up for sale. Man), people in the town were interested in this land, but Ua i illet Deshmukh's aunt and told he r all her problems. As a result, Shripad rao Dcshmukh promised Sai that he would only sell [he land to her and no one else. Nana bought six acres of land on my name and six on Bai's. All these yea rs Na na h,ld been afraid that we would sim ply leave any day, but after the snake incident and th en [he electi o ns victory, he finally felf convinced that he could trust us .

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II AGAINST ALL

Chapter Eleven

IbutwasI hadin class nine. My burden of studies had increased, lirrlc rime to study. I had to look after the flourmill and keep accounts, and often missed schooL Rai looked afte r the f10u rmill when 1 was at sc hool. The mill stayed open till ten p.m,. bu t people oftcn collected their tins of flour any time up to midnight. N.ma used to return from his card sessions ar two a.m.; he had been unable [0 break that habit . I used to open the door as soon as he knocked on it and had to force myself to keep awake umil he came. He used to say. 'Kishore, you a rc rcally hard-working.' Dccpak was stubborn and would not get up to open the door late at night, besides Nann did not wam anyone else to open the door for him. Bai was afraid of

Nana's anger and Dccpak's stubborness. She spent her life caught between the two, trying co keep both satisfied. When Bai had her periods, I stayed at home and did the cooking. I also wen! CO the market everyday to buy fruit for Deepak without letting Nana know. If Nana came co know, hc would bcat us up. He hated us ro spend on anything but the bare essential s in the house, and fruits were certainly an unncccssar}' expense. So, I only got to car fruit if Deepak left an uneatcn piece and

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if he was nor :lround to see me eat it, because, Dcepak would nor let Bai give me any fruit. I usually sa. id, '1 have just had lunch, I don't want any,' as an excuse for Bai. But one day, I had bought apples for Deepak. I loved apples and on the way I was tempted to eat one. I look it out of the bag and was going to bite inro it, when I saw Deepak coming down the lane. I quickly put the apple back into the bag bur not before Dcepak had seen me. He told Bai. Baj hated us eating food on the road and she slapped me very hard. Later, Deepak did not eat the whole apple and Bai offered me the half· eaten fruit. 1 refused, but Bai yelled, 'Will you eat it or shall 1 put chutney into your eyes?' I quietly started cating it, J had taken only one bite whcn wc heard Nana approach the room. Rai said, 'Eat it quickly!' I tried to eat it as fast as I could but Nana was almost in thc room before I had finished. So, in great panic, 1 stuffed {he apple in my mouth. My eyes watered and I almost choked. Nana saw me as he entered the room, and 1 trcmblcd. He turned angrily upon Bai and said, 'YOll must be looting all the money from {hc flourmill. There arc no accounts, and God alone knows what you car cvc ry day.' Nana called me and asked me for the accounts. 1 had not written them that day and when he heard that, he exploded. 'You will be true to your caste, what can you be but thieves. Kothing and nobody can turn you into anything e1sc,' he yelled. Hc picked up a whip and lashed me with it. With 139

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every lash his anger increased and he hie harder. I screamed in agony and fear. My head started bleeding where he hit me. Nann yelled incoherently, I wailed and

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screamed. The noisc and commotion brought a ll the neighbours funning into ou r hOllse. They all stood

around and watched in fascina ted horror. Some of them tcntarively said, 'Arey, Nana , don't beat the chi ld like

this. ' 'Somebody stop him.'

But nobody wanted to intervene. They were te rrified of Nana and knew tha t he would JUSt as easily beat anyone else who interfered. [
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mangaJsu rra and returned to carch the bus to Nerla. At Nerla, I met Rambha maushi, who was on her way to join tile jalsa parry at Barshi , so I went along with her. The party was staying at the Rasik Theatre. I soon got to know eve ryone and once again became the odd·job·lad·cum·crrand·boy for everyone cOllnecred wi th the party. The customers gave me a rupee or two and sem me off to buy paan o r botrles of liquor or cigarettes. Some asked me to massage their bod ies. The dance went on all night so 1 worked all night. During the day, I ran errands for the women. 1 bought them pins and flowers for th eir hair, snow or kumkum from the mn rket. Some w:lnled their legs pressed or needed help in pln iting their hair or cven buttoning their blouses. Myoid acquaintance, Habya, still lived ncar Rasik Theatre. He used to say th3t we should run away to Mumbai. but he, himself had not done that. Instead, he had become a pimp. When I met him, J poured out my sorrows to him, and he said, 'Come with me, I'll show you how you can do your own wo rk and be free of everybody.' He took me to Kuntankhana where he worked for a whorehouse. His job was to entice me n who were wandering down the lane looking for a woman or hesitant and undecided about what to do. Babya taught me the ropes, and I started working. As soon as I saw a man enter the lane, I app roached him and talked to him sweetly and politely. I said, 'Si r, this girl is very nice . T as!e her once, and you will come back for her every day! She's only sixteen, si r: The women wore mnke·up and sat in the shadows . T hey came forward when a man came in. The customer 141

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chose a woman and went off with her into the room behind and it was my job to clean the bed before the couple went in. The mattress was often very d irty. Hamida was a young woman working at the whorehouse. She used to laugh at me, pinch my checks and say, 'You are a cute boy, Kishya.' One da y she said, 'Why do you work here, KishY3? Get out of here.' Her kindness brought tears to my eyes and I narrated my tale of woe to he r. '1 will pay for you r education with the money I earn, Kishya: she said to me. 'Let us run away together.' That sounded very attractive to me, and we laid our plans carefully; but somchow they leaked out. 111C furi ous owner of thc whorehouse bea t Hamida till she promised, 'Master, 1 won't go anywhere. J made a mistake, I enticed Kishorc to run away with me. Please don'r beat him.' But I was beaten, threatened and chased away from Kuntankhana. 1 rook the bus to Ncria, and on reaching ajoba's house found Ocepak there. Fed up of Nana '5 behaviour he had run away to Ncrla. We stayed there together and started working. But in just a few days, we received a lette r from Bai. She was ill and wamed us to visit her. 'Come soon, J miss you both so much,' she had . wfltten. Sht: also told Uij that we had both passed our exams. My hear( immedia tely wCnt out to Bai. Who is cooking for her? r wondered. I wns worried. The re wa s no onc there to look after her and I didn't know if someone had taken hcr to the doctor. A friend, to whom I

expressed my worries, adv'ised me to return to Sonepeth. 'Pass your tcnth standard exams and go to college. Do your O.Ed and become a teacher. What arc you going to do at Nerla? Look after your mama's goats and fields all your lifc?' I decided to go to Sonepeth bur thc very next day, Nana himself turned up to fetch Deepak and me. I was scared of Nana but happy to be going back to B3i. The entire Kohati community gathered at ajoba's house when they heard that Nana had come. They all starred scolding Nana. But he said, 'Oon ' t talk to me like this. Just tell me whcther you will send the kids or not. Their mother is at death's door.' Someone shouted, '1f she dies, throw her to the dogs .• I was startled. But the Kolh:ni panch (the ciders) took a lead and sa id to Nana, 'Sahukar. ask the children if they want to go with you. YOll may ki ll them or let them live, but ask them first.' Nana asked Oeepak. Oeepak clearly refused. 'I will nor go with you. J am not of your caste and you will soon feci that I pollute your househo ld. ' Everybody lau ghed. Nana was very annoyed. Now everybody turned towards me. There was silence as all the gathered men and w omen, and a visibly angry Nann, w3ited for my answer. I quickly got up and went ove r to Nana. There was a ripple of surprise among the gathered crowd. 'K)'a chora hai. Kajem! ba/ya chal ki oothya. Kit'fa dartaya chora,' they whispered. (What a boy. The man sa id come and he got up, he must be rea!ly scared of him.) Others said, 'He's really smarr. H e knows that

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living in Nerla will get him nothing. He will die like a dog. At Sonepcth he will either die or will be educated and bring joy to his mother. Nana caught my right hand and walked out of the room. He wanted {Q be away from the crowd of men and women, away from Nerla. as soon as poss ible. He was walking so fns t, I could not keep up with him. When he stepped off the veranda, I tripped and fell, but ~ana was in such a state of pa nic, thac he d id not notice. He was still hold ing my hand atld I was being dragged along th e ground with him. One of my mama's noticed and yelled, 'Arcy, he is going to kill the chi ld.' That W;'IS all the signa l the restless crowd needed. \Vith a roar they ran after Nana. Nana turned round, saw the crowd, pulled hard on my arm and we both rail . Our chasers picked up stones and pelted them after us. One hit me on the head and another hit Nann on his back. After that stones rai ned down on us. We ran like mad, but there was a big d itch in front of us. Nana could jump over it easily and he pulled me up to ca rry me over. But the crowd, some armed with sticks, were closer and afraid for his life, Nana dropped me right into the ditch full of dried branches and thorns and ra n. By now, the enti re Kolhati community of Nerla was chasing Nana and the shou ting and commotion had brought a good part of the other res idems into the street as well. Nana saw Ha jari mama's house in from of him and ran in, bolting the door from inside. The crowd stopped o utside and pelted stones at the door. Finally, I-Ia jari mama opcned a window and said, 'Don't throw any morc stones, I'm coming out.' He was a rcspected man and the crowd quietened I

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down. He said, 'Why arc you peoplc behaving like such fools? Have you fo rgotten that o ur Shanta bai lives in his house? If we ill-trea t this man, he will go back and iU-rreat Shanrabai.' The crowd saw reason and dispersed. 1 had decided that I had [0 go to Sonepeth even if Nana ki lled me, beca use I had to see how Sai was . 1 went to Sone pcth the next day and found Bai in bed with high fevcr. Deepak stayed on at Nerla until I fetched him to Sonepcth th ree yea rs la ter. At Soncpeth, I passed the tcnth class exams. Ambejogai was close ro Sonepeth and I was admitted to th e Yogeshw:ui College there. I had decided to stud y medicine and become a doctor, so 1 t: hosc Biology, Physics and Chemi stry as my subjects in class eleven. When I was in class seven, a boy named Decpak Lande had been my classma te. We were ver), friendly. So, 1 thought it a happy coincidence when I fou nd him in my class at Ambejogai. But now, Oeepak Lande did not wnnt to be seen with me, because the other boys teased him about me. I tried t~ talk [0 him once but he ignored me. So, although we were in the same cl ass, we pretended not to kn ow each other at alL Science was taught in English at Ambejogai, and 1 had immense trouble understa nding what was going on. I did not even know what 'leaP meant. After class, I would sit in my room staring :It my books nnd crying. I was convinced that I would never be able to handle science and gct through college. I bought a dictio nary and went through it page by page,.<1 ve ry painstaking and slow task. I wasn't sure if I was making any rea l progress. However, I never gave up; 1 studied as hard as r could. 145

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I lived at Guruwar Perh in the Muslim area where a few rooms were let out to students. Dahale, a M.Sc studem also stayed there. He helped me a great deal wi t h my studies, and it was because of him that I gained confidence in my work. Dahale expla in ed to me that everybody had a problem with science in rhe beginning. There is no connection between the science you learn in class [en and what you then learn in class ek:vcn, he said. He encouraged me to work hard and was confident that I would make it CO medical college. Life at Ambejogai was very hard for me. I had to keep changing my room because every few weeks, I felt convinced that everybody around had discovered what my caste was and the kind of family I came from. Twas in this sta te of mind, when I heard thar Baby mallshi was in Ambejogai with a tamasha party. She had written to me giving me the exact dates of her arrival, bu t I was so afraid of being seen with her, that I m:ver went to vis it her. One day, my friends and I were passing by the theatre where the tamasha party was sta ying, when Baby maushi and her friend Usha saw us. I saw them, toO, and immedia tely tried to turn away. Baby maushi understood and did not say a word but Usha smiled at me. All my friends noticed this, of course, and I was ragged no end. They wanted to know if I visited the tamasha, and when 1 g3ve no reply, they slowly became convinced that either J went to the tamasha in the evenings or had some sort of relationship with it. They began to treat me coldly. I felt wretched. I had seen the expression all Baby maushi's face, when I passed by without acknowledging her, and decided I would visit the tamasha one night when no classmates 146

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were around to see me . At eigh t p.m one eve ning, I headed cowards the Loknarya Kalamandir, where the tamasha party was staying and performing. As r walked along the road, a classmate saw me and called Ollt, 'Ay, Kishorc, where are YOll going?' But I ignored him and walked as · fast as J could towards the theatre. I saw him enter one of the rooms There and ~o I went to another room on the side, where I saw Usha standing. 'Usha, the boy who went into you r room just' now is from my college,' I told her agitatedly . She rook me to 'lIlother room and sat me down and called Baby mallshi. Baby mau~hi came running to see me, tcars of joy in her eyes. I felt dose to rears myself. '\Vhy, oh why were you born into our community Kishore?' she asked. She ordered some biryani for me and I ate my fill. Then we chatted to our heart's content. J starred visitng her every Sunday. My friend Dahale saw me enter the theatre one eveni ng. I was then sharing a room w ith him. When I got back, he asked me w here I had been. 'To Samadhan Hotel for dinner,' J lied. 'I have just come from the re, myself. I never saw you,' he said, looking at me suspiciously. 'Oh, I had dinne r a long time ago, then I went off to ,'isit a friend,' I lied again, He was silent then, bur after a few days he said, 'Kishore, 1 saw )' OU going to the Kalamandir. And I have seen a woman lhere who resembles you a lot.' Mr hean sank. I knew that he thought she was my mother. After that dar, Dahalc was sti lted in his 147

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behaviour towards me. All the earlier friendliness had gone to be replaced with cold disdain. I left the room I was sharing with him and went to live in Sadashiv Nagar. After a few days he called on me. 'It is not my bult that 1 was born in that caste and community.' I said to him, sadly. 'The lady you saw at the Kalamandir is my aunt, not my mother. And anyway if caste matters to you so much, you should have asked me mine before making friends with me.' Dahale apologized. '1 was wrong, come back to the room with me,' he said. But, I never did go back.

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Chapter Twelve

was looking for a room to live in when I was in class twelve, and I went to a Komti's (Komti is a caste in Maharashtra) house, He asked me my name, and I sa id, 'Kishorl.! Kale.' 'Are you OJ. Maratha or a Brahmin?' 'M3ratha.' He gave me the room, I had been living there a coup le of months when Ram bha maushi came to Ambejogai with her ia lsa party, I didn't k now she was in town . I had gone to the temple with some friends one morning, when 1 bumped into maushi and her fr iends from the jalsa party. My friend asked me, 'Who arc these women?' 'Some ladies from my village,' 1 replied. 'They have come here for a wedding.' That evening I visited Rambha mau shi. She was tying her ghungroos round her ankles since it was time for the tamasha to begin. 'Sit here for a while,' she sa id , ' )'11 be back in about half an hour.' • Maushi went on stage. 1 could see her clearly from where I stood, She was dancing, but her eyes were darting all over trying to see if 1 was watching. Another

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Kolhati girl called Mina was dancing with her. Mina was a sixteen-yea r-old, educated girl. They were both collecting money from a drunk spcct:\tor. I could sec that maushi was very tired and drenched in swcat. But the beat of the tabla was loud and strong, and the ghungroos had to match it. The last rupee remained with the man, and when Rambha maushi went to collect it, he caught her hand and tried to pull her towards him. Rambh maushi instinctively raised her other hand to slap him, bu t Mina caught it ins tead. The man laughed and let go and the show ended . I ran back into the room and pretended th.lt I had never moved from where I S:1 £. Rambha maushi came in , 'You were sitting here all the while, weren't you?' She asked me. I nodded. Mina told Rambha maushi thar she shouldn't hit dients otherwise they would nor give them money the next ti me. 'But why should they catch my hand?' Rambha maushi said angri ly. 'They drink and come here and then trouble us!' A young boy, Vilas about twenty-five years old, also S'H in the same room. H e stared at me all the time. Rambh ... maus hi gave me dinner, and then I returned to my room. The next day I saw Vilas at the hotel where I atc my meals. I tried to ignorc him, bur he came to me and sai d, 'Is Ram bha your aunt? ' I no dded. He touched his finger to his nose and said with a smi rk, 'Will she indulge in this?' 'No. ' 'Why? '

'She has a master, a man . She does nOt go to any

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other. ' 'I will give her whatever she wants, Her man is not going to be around all the timc.' I was furious. 'You havc a married siste r, don't you?' I asked . 'I will also g ive you whatever yo!.! want. Your brother-jnlaw is not around all the time, is he?' Vilas gave me a resounding slap. 'You bastard! 1 asked o nly because it is your business. ' 'Dancing is an an. It is not prostitution that a woman will be with a new man every night,' I retorted. 1 went back to my room. I wished 1 could leave Ambeiogai, but I was halfway through my twelfth and it would be very foolish to abandon it all now. Full of self-piteous anger, I went back to Rambha maushi and asked her to leave Ambejogai. ] said that I could not bear any more insults. 'So now it is insulting to be related to us?' asked maushi angrily, 'Have you forgotten that you, too, arc the son of a tamasha dancer? If your mother werc still dancing, would you have been ashamed of her, too?' 'It's not that, maushi, but it causes me so much trouble , . .' 'Then you can imagine how much trouble it causes us! No, you arc not wrong, child. After all this education, ),ou arc bound to feel ashamed of your mother and sisters, besides, when you are of the same caste as a tamasha dancer, you will feel insulted ! Arey, before a tamasha dancer knows why her chest must be covered by the pallu, somebody has filled her breasts with milk 151

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under the gu ise of chica. Isn't that an insult? For rwo rupees we are expected to sit on a man's lap-isn't that an insult? Don't forget, the few rupees we get for allowing a man to hold and press our hand is what pays fo r the food in our house. Only a rare one like you gets educated . And even you feci ashamed of us. Isn't that an ins ult to us? 'Kisrya, Kolhati women o nly dance. Danc ing is our business, and our aer. But, these days all ki nds of women indulge in bla tam prostirution under the guise of dancing. If our pallu slips even a few inches off OUf chest, it causes a commotion . But heroines in movies dance with bodies exposed, with a different hero each time and it is called art. They go to Delhi and win awards for it. It is aU a joke played on us by shameless people. 'Anyway, we will be going away after a month. Meanwhile, you need not visit us anymore.' She sighed, then asked me, 'Do you have any money?' 'I have, maushi, ' I lied . 'h's in my room.' 'Oh yes, I know. Here, take fifty rupees . Don't be ashamed of your maushi.' I felt very small and ashamed of myself. I apologized profusely to maushi. 'Do you think we chose to be dancers?' she cried, 'Do you think we enjoy coming here and danci ng all nighr before all kinds of men? Do we wish to be insulted by your kind of people? People who arc educated and yet do not unders tand the compulsions of our life?' I returned to my room with a heavy heart. J did not go back to the jalsa party again and did not even go to college for a month. In fact, 1 was so afraid of meeting

Vilas again, that I never stepped out of my room. I asked my landl ady to lock the doo r to my room from the ourside and only if any relative visited, were the y to be allowed in. If I needed to go out, 1 called out from my window and she opened the doo r for me. One day, to my great surprise, my stepbrother Su rendra Wadkar came to visit me. Bandu dada, as I called him, had hardly ever exchanged any words with me when we lived in the same house in Sonepc rh. He never spoke to Bai at all, but we were fo nd of him. He had a good hea rt and that touched both Bai and me. After he passed his M.Com exa ms, Ba i had got him a job as a lecturer at a co llege in Parbhani through Lonikar, an influential politicia n. When Bamlu dada came to my room with his friend, the room was locked from the outside, as usual. He went to the land lady and asked her if Kisho re Kale lived there. He told her that he was my brother, so she brought him to my room and unlocked it. They laughed at the absurd ity of me being locked in the room, but I explained ir away saying, 'All the boys come here to chat and waste my time. Exams arc rou nd the corner and I need to study as much as I can.' Bandu dada was impressed and after that he told all his friends that his brother was really hard-working a nd stud ied all the time. More than a month after I scopped going to college, I realized that Vilas was nowhere to be seen. M y fea rs abated and I went back to college. The twdfth class exams were on ly a couple of months away. I wa s studying as hard as I co uld, but I felt as if my work was never done. Besides, I faced another problem-lack of

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money. AU through the eleventh and till Diwali that year, Nana had sent me money regularl y and promptly. It was just enough [0 cover my fees at college, pay for my tuition in one subject and have enough left ove r for my fo od bills. Now, suddenly, Nana started sending the money either late o r not at a ll. I had to give up the tuition and fa ce immense difficulties in my studies. I wished des perately that I were still sharing a room with Dahale, He could have helped me so much . Bm, Thad run away from there when he h:'I(1 behaved cold ly with me and though, he la ter apologized, I never went back, I hOld never let anyone know that I was poor. People knew Nana as the sahu ka r from Sonepeth, so they never imagined that I could lack money . I had a friend called Shrikant in class twelfth. With him. [ had always pretended to be rich. Once I even took Rs 300 from mau shi to keep up appeara nces before Shrikant. I never considered the tro uble maushi may have gone through to give me tha t money. Whenever Shrikant suggested that we eat at a particlll"r restaurant, I was always ready. Although exams were at hand, I gave up studying. I was fed up of trying [ 0 understand and figu re things out for myself, tired of finding the mean ing of every other word in the dictionary and then trying to decipher a whole sentence. It took me hours and hou rs to get through even one page of my book like this, and it was impossible for me to get th rough my whole course, Without a tutor's assi stcnce all my cfforts seemed to rake me now here. Shrikant was upset that 1 had stop ped studying and scolded me for it . But I neve r told him the real rcason. 154

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Finally, 1 appeared for only two of the subjectsEnglish and MMathi. I simp ly dropped the rcst, so that I could do the exams again after six months, hopefu lly better prepared. When I went to Sonepeth and told thcm what T had done, Kana showered me with curses. 'Go and eat Bandy;'t's sh it!' he yelled. 'He has pa ssed his M. Com ;md is :J. professor.' Rai was shocked that I had abandoned my exams and sobbed bcc:J.use Kana d eclared that he would no longer pay for Ill )' studies, since education was obviously not in ou r ka rma, He decided to employ one man less in the fields, so that 1 could take over the job. For two days I worried about what I should do about my future. It loo ked ble:J.k and hopeless. T hen, I went to Nagin maushi at Parbhani and to ld her my woes. Nagin maushi said, 'The solution is simple. Come and Stay w ith me and carr)' on with your studies here.' I gratefully acce pted the offer. Maushi c:J.lled up some of the teachers s he knew at the Parbhnni Co llege and asked them to coach me in my studies. Since she was the wife of an MP, th ey agreed to teach me witha m taking any fees. I scarted studying in earnest. Sometimes I llsed [0 help maushi with work, but usually, I spent all my time studying. Maushi thought I would go mad with so mu ch studying. She held me up as an examp le to hcr kids , sa ying, 'Look at Kishorc. He comes fr om a poor background, but he works so hard. And you have everyth ing so easy, but ha ve no desire to study! ' . Since N agi n maushi 's hllsb"nd, who I called kaka, was an MP, the house was always full of visitors. Besides, the re was a TV and a VCR on all the time, The 155

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whole family loved watch ing movies. I was oflcn tempted to sit down and join them, but fought off the temptation. If I didn't do well in my exams, my future wou ld hold noth ing but SOrrow. Kaka's nephew, Deepak Jadhav, was also staying there and studying for his twelfth class exams. We bo th fo und the loud noi ses and music from the TV disturbi ng, so I suggested to him th at if he spoke to his uncle, maybe he could fin d us a room at the Shivaji College and we could study there peacefu lly. Deepak spoke to kaka, and a room was found for us at the co Uege. Actually, it was a room in the warden's quarter, and the warden was no ne other than my stepbrother Bandu dada. H e lived there with kOlka 's brother-in-law. Oeepak and 1 srarted studying together. I went to Nagin maushi's place for my mea ls . H owever, since her house was quite far from the co llege, I often skipped a meal to save time. Oeepak didn't study much, so he would sleep in an adjoining room in order not to disturb me. For the first time in my life I was free of aU worries. M y tu itions were free, I had a good place to live in and I was properly fed . 1 did not speak to Nana at all, and he did not send me a paisa. 1 never had a paisa to my name. Once I had to ask Bandu dada for some paper to write on. He did 110r know that I had no money at all, that Nana gave me nothing. Although Bandu da da's room was sepa rated from mine by a brick wall, we never talked to each other for days on end. Once in a way. when 1 fel t li ke it, 1 would go and exchange a fe w pleasantaries with him. I went o ff for tuition at fi ve in the morning and once I sat down to study, J did not leave the room fo r ho urs. Often, I heard

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him discussing my studies with his fri ends in the next room . H e used to say, 'The amo unt that boy st udies! He will go mad one day!' But my sel f-confidence was growing every day. For the fi rst time I bega n to believe that I could pass the medica l exams. that I could make so meth ing of my life afte r all. As the exams callle nca r, I fa ced a new d ilemmaI had no money to pay the examin ation fees. T could not ask N agin maushi for money. She was already providing a roo f over my head and was feeding me . I began to worry so much that I cou ld not study. I wrote to all my friends and explained my problem. But nobody came forward with any concrete help . Finally, I went to Nalla's cousin who was a lecturer at the Agricultural College and lived near Shiva ji College. I Ie lent me Rs 500 for my fees and I wenr Ambejogai and take the exam. Bai had sent a message asking me to come to Sonepeth as soon as the exams were done, and that is wha t 1 did. I hnd neglected my heal th throughou t my exa ms,and ha d become very weak. Even wa lk ing made me fe el faint. I looked forward to some rest. H owever, 1 had been in Sonepeth only for a couple of days when Nagin maushi called me to Parbhani. H er children's exams were ncar an d she wanted me to teach them. Though I waS in no state to travel again, I co uld no t refuse Nagin maushi. If she had not come to my nid just when r needed it, I wou ld have been like a dog abandoned in the streets. To me, she was a godd ess. So, I went off to Pa rbhani and put my hea rt into coaching the chi ldren. 1 even t ried to teach maushi to read and write. She 157

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learnt to read, but had difficulcy with joint letters. I longed to go back to Bai at Soneperh, but Nagin maushi said, 'Why do you want to go there? Stay here with me, I will be lonely without you.' So I stayed on. Nagin maushi {'rca ted me like 0. son. t had ghee wi th every meal, whereas at Sonepeth there was ofte n not even oil to cook or garnish the food with. But I wanted (Q eat a dry bhakri and chutney with fbi r ather than the rich food at Parbhani. 1 missed her so much. 1 was also tense and worried about my results. I dared not think of what would happen if I failed the exams. Even when I watched a movie, this niggling worry impinged upon the pleas ure. Then, one day, I saw a show on TV called 'After Class Twelve, What?' It was hosted by the actress Tanuj a. She ourlined thc various courses that were available to students who had passed their twelfth, optio ns other tha n engineering and medical courses. She stressed that it is the sincerity with which you work that cou nts. If one is sincere and puts in honest effort, onc can succeed in :m y career. T he message hit home and I stopped worrying abouc Illy results. When the results did come, 1 was ove rjo)'ed to know that I stood seco nd among the backward~class students. Nan;'! and Bai were proud of me. I fillcd in thc entrance forms to medical colleges and othcr courses everywhere. Sai prayed to her gods char I s hould get admission to a medical college. Even Nana spoke to me kin dly when I wcnt to Sonepeth, bur I did nor feci like talking to him. I received a call from the Grant Medical College in Mumbai, and Nuna and I went to Mllmbai and stayed with J;,!yashrec akka, my eldest stepsister. Her husband, 158

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Kappe took us ro the college and other placcs that we. had to visit, and taught me the right things fO say at the interviews. He seemed to be proud o f me. Jayashree akka, however, was not pleased with my presence there, though she behaved wel l enough. It was quite natural for her to rese nt the time and attention that Nana was giving me. Once her neighbour asked her who 1 was, :md she hesitated for a second before replying, 'My brother. ' That hesitation really hurt me. I knew she had to say I was her brother since her sma ll son called me mama. I,wished that we did nor have ro Stay with her. M y admission to the medical college was soon confirmed. I was givcn a place in the medical college hostel and found myself in a room with scven o ther boys. I was shy and reserved, and did not make friends easily, bur Pra sad became my friend from rhc very beginning. A few weeks after t joined the hostel, I received a letter from Professor A.C. Choudhar), of th e Yogeshwari CoUege at Ambejogai, inviting me to a felici tation programme. T he coUege had decided to felicitate me on my success ill the cl ass twelve exams, and subsequent admission ro the medical college in Mumbai. I left for Ambejogai with my heart overflowing with happiness. All my efforts and hard work were being recognized at last. Even now, t consider that day among the happiest days of my life. At the felic itation programme Professor Choud hary said, 'Kishore Kale has passed au[ of our college and is joining the medica l college at Mllmbai. He has faced vcry difficult and trying times with courage. He is an example that all of us can emu late. We wish 159

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nnd hope that his future is fi lled with great success.' My eyes were blinded with tears of ioy . 1 fclt that my long journey through a desolate desert had finally ended and an o.:lsis was in sight. 1 trembled all over when I went up to receive my award , and m}' cars rang with the applause of the audience . The felici tati on and award ga ....e me great co nfid ence in myself. J remember that the Sonepeth school had also held similar felic itations fo r stu dents who had done well. 1 was the first student to go to medical college fcom Sonepcth , but nobody the re ever got in touch v..·ith me. The reason was simple-l was the son o f a mistress; besides, at 50nepe th, the Brahm ins were in control. Ambejogai also had its staunch sup porters of the caste system, but there were people like Pro fesso r Chaudhary who stressed that caste had nothing to do with effort and ha rd work . H e knew all about me, and he appreciated the sincerity of my efforts. My first year MBB5 exams were only a few months awa y, and I eagerly awaited my scholarship money . At home, Ba i lived on one torn sari, and managed to cook without oil on some days, or without any fl our for bhakris on ano ther. I worried about her. I th ought that 1 co uld bea r her dea th, but if she had to go back to the s tage and da nce because Nana aba ndoned her, it would be unbearab le. Because I had no money J worried about all kinds of things. But most of all, I worried about how I wou ld ever fini sh my M BBS.

Chapter Thirteen

W h ile I had tasted the sweetness of success in my attempt to cn ter med ical co llege, life ha d tLirned vcr)' bitter for my aunts at Ne rb. . Susheeb maush i had waited for two years for Ra mesh kaka, but he didn't re[Urn. Ramesh Pa til had been part o f Sushe ela maushi's life for alm ost ten lo ng years, and suddenly one day he ha d wa lked ou t of her life without a word. Sus heela maushi was now thirty-th ree years old. She had one son, Anil, fro m Ramcsh Pari! and tW O chi ldren, Ba laji and ]aya, from Sopanrao Golegaokar of Selu. ]aya had passed her cb.ss seven exa ms a year ago, bur th ere w;)!> no money to send her to school at a bigger town; so she stayed at home. 5ushecla maushi didn ' t know how to educate her kids or find money to run her father's household . Baby mallshi, too, was in a similar situati on, She had waited for Pawar sahe b for two years. H e had made her give up dancing and used to visit her at Nerla, but as soon as she had a son, he abandoned her. It was the seco nd time thi s had happened to Baby ma ushi and she was in a state of shock, cry ing all day. Tears arc all that ta masha dancers have in their lives anyway. That and th e babi es they are left holding, whom they have to

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somehow bring lip. Finally, the sisters decided that they would have to go ba ck to the tamasha. Sushee1a. Baby and Rambha o nce again se t up a party. The musical instrumr.:ms were t:lken out of stomge. repa ired and the party went to lslampur and set themselves up at the Natraj Folk Dance rhearre there. Bur rimes had cha nged and ea rnings from the ramasha barely suppo rted the women and their children. leave alone the households of their fathers and broth ers. I vis ited tbem at Islampur in the hope that they would be able ( 0 lend me so me money. But when 1 saw the sta te they were in. I cou ld nO[ as k them for help. Their condition was fa r worse than mine. 'Bai did the righ t thing, Kishore,' said Sushcela mallshi, sadly. 'At least she is not as helpless as we a rc. And you are a clever boy so YOll will become a doctor. O therwise, she would have been in the same state as ]iji. Our lives have been spent looking after our fathers and brothers; we have nothing, just nothing of our own. ' Ajoba had never let his da ughters set up separate esta blishments with the m en who befriended them, and he was righ t in his own way. He knew that rhe men who came to these gi rls stayed with them only until their fancy lasted. Nana had troubl ed Bai no end. even tried to throw her o ut. but Bai had preferred to bear ha rdship and sorrow fMh er th:ln be helpless and destitute. That was the only reason she had lasted in Nana's hOllse. Before her, Nana h:ld kept many other women, but non e of th em had been abl e to endure his cruc lty. My aunts were uneduca ted , but well aware of what was

h"ppen ing in the world around them. They had no desire to live as mistresses with men whose f:lll c)' for them would never outlast the fi rst flush of their you th. My maus his knew the sta te o f my finances-they did n't ha ve to be told, my clothes proc laimed the condition I was living in . But what could they do? They had three other dancers with them, Sumitra, Viyjayanri and Nanda. Besides. there was rhe harmonium playe r, the ta bla player and the man who brought water from the well fo r them. They all had to be pa id reglliarly and sometimes, after paying them. there was no money left over to buy food. Jaya had been sent to Sangli to complete her sc hooli ng and she wrOte asking fo r money to pay her mess bills. Baby maushi had a fo ur-monthold baby who cried all the rime because there wa s not enollgh milk for it. A letter from Nerla said that the grocer had now refused to give them groceries until the ir o ld bills were pa id off. so please a rro nge for the money in a few da ys. Susheel a maushi 's son wanted money to pay his examination fees. Sus hecla ma us hi was in despa ir. She cursed the other ta masha parry whose dancers were performi ng there: 'The whores, for three hundred rupees they sleep under two diHerent men, and rhey compete with us on sta ge .' T har afternoon 1 was sleeping on th e stage when I heard a conversation between a cou ple-the woman asked the man to give her two hundred rupees, because she h:ld to st'nd it home. She promi sed to repay it. But the moo said, 'Sure, I will, if you will give me today! ' After a moml'Ot's silence. she said, 'yes ', a nd they disappeared behin d the curtai n right th ere. 1 remembered how Jiji came rushing on to the stage like an a ngry

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tigress when a spectator had merely tried to hold Bai's hand. Yes, times had changed. Most evenings, I watched the women pur on thei r make-up while men and young boys walked in and out of the room. Some we re already drunk. Nanda was the youngest in the pany and still a virgin. Young boys proposi tioned Susheela maushi offering her a thousand rupees. It made Sus hecla mrtu shi furiou s. That evening, 1 went to the theatre to watch the performance. Susheela maushi stood near the harmonium with a sad face. She was now thirty-fou r. The younger women danced. The men caBed out, 'C'mon girl, dance well and r wil! give you a rupee.' They grabbed the hands of the dancers who passed them. It made me angry but I knew that in places like Reed, things were much worse . There thl; specta tors made a girl sit on their laps for one rupee. My blood boiled but I had to watch silen tl y. Some spectators here were whistli ng, others called out, 'Will you come with me? I'll buy you a snack !' 1 wamed to hit them, pelt stones at their heads. At Islampur, one of the regular vis itors was Hambirao Patil. H e wa s enamoured of Baby maushi and used to giver her at least a hundred or two hundred rupees everyday. Even thoueh he was always a little drunk, he never gave money to anyone but Baby maushi. Thanks to him, the party earned at least a couple of hu ndred rupees everyday. I-Iambirao Pati! asked Susheela l1laushi if Baby maushi would live with him. Everyone ad\'ised us to beware of him, he was a rogue, they said. Wc liked him but could not dec ide what to do. So, Sushecla 164

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maushi said norhing and Hambira o Paril conrinued to visit evcry eve ni ng and watch Baby maushi dance. Baby maushi had another fan, a you ng eighteenyea r·o ld boy called Dinya. H e was obv iously not too well off, his dothes were rather dirty. But every evening he used to give Baby maushi five or ten rupees. Once Hambirao came on the scene, Dinya stopped giving Baby mallshi any money. Instead, he brought her flowers for her hair, or some snack. Baby maushi treated him like a brother, but no man ever looks upon a dancer as • a sister. I was eating lunch one day when Dinya walked inro the room wi th :l ki lo of grapes for Baby maushi. She said, 'Why do you spe nd so much money on me, Dinya? Your mother works hard to suppo rt you, why don 't you help her, instead? You ~ome here every day and gamble you r money away. You arc still too young for all th is.' Dinya los t his temper. 'You want an i>' rhe ric h Paril, don't you?' he said. 'You dance for him, not for me. What arc you going to get from me, anyway? Those othe r women will sleep with me for Its JO~, but you consider yourselves too pu re. For a hundred rupees, I can get a college girl, why should I chase you? You think too much of yourself.' Maushi listened to the tirade in sile nce even th ough I co uld see th at she wanted to throttle him. Times ha d changed, and people's attitudes had changed; I was left in no doubt about tha t. Maushi said, 'Yo u idiot, have you lost your hcad? You pimp, I thought of you as my brorher.' I listc ned in depressed silence. I was missing classes, it was f\venry da ys since I had left Mumbai-but what 165

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J lowe red my eyes as J pictured my mother in her torn sari living her hard life at Sonepeth. I could not tell him how hard it had been for me to get through school and into medical college. But there was deep satisfaction in being able to say that my mother lived with my father in his house, even though Nana was not my real father, and Bai was not legally his wife. We picked up maushi and went to a small hotel. Maushi poured out her troubles to Nana Patil and he gave her Rs 2000. Then he booked two rooms there. I spent the night in onc room and ma ushi and Nana Patil in the other. I tossed and turned in agitat ion all night long. I could not believe chat 1 had done what I had, and that maushi was doing what she was. I thought I hated her for it. I did not want to look at her face again. I was horrified that maushi should do this for a mere Rs 2000 and that, too, in my presence. I wanted to run away "and go back to Mumbai. But I had no money. Maybe maush i wou ld give me money in the morning. In ch e morning, maushi could not meet my eyes. Her eyes were wet. Nana Paril promised to come to Nerla in a few days with Rs 2000 more. In the bus maush i said, 'Kishore, I have decided to livc with him forever now. I don't care if he gives me just dry bhakri to eat, but I don't want to dance any more. This tamasha business is no longer wha t it used to be. Now chere are all kinds of people in this business and there is no place for traditional dancers like us. I would rather clean dirty vessels at people's houses or do anything else. I want my children to be doctors like you. Will my children also be doctors like you, Kishore?' Susheela maushi had finally accepted that her bro thers

cou ld 1 say of my trou bles to these women whose lives went from one desperate si tuation to another? 1 wished there was a magic wand that could make me a doctor overnight, so that I could get a job and help them all come out of the despair they had sunk into. But I was only in the first year of medical college, and the way th ings were going, I didn't know if I would ever go any

further. Despite some of the regular visi tors, the jalsa party earned very little money. Desperate measures were needed, and Susheela mau shi decided to take the plunge. She had no real desire co go to Indapur, but helplessness had brought her there. Nana Patil lived in Indapur, and he had been in love w ith Susheela maushi when she first dan ced at Modlimb, years ago. He had asked maushi to be his mist ress, but she had refused. Now faced with a desperation for money to educate her children, she had been forced to approach him aga in. She waited at the bus stop and sent me to contact Nana Pati!. I went into his office and asked the gentleman there if I could speak to Nana Pati!o 'I am Nana Patil,' he said, 'What do you want?' J introduced myself, and told him that 1 had come to Indapur with Susheela maushi. He was delighted to hear that she was in town and hurried with me to meet her. On the way, he asked me what I was doing? When I told him, he was surprised and pleased . He asked if I was a tamasha dance r's son, and I fOld him that my rnothc'r had been a dancer once, but not any longer. 'Shc lives with her husband, my father, at Sonepcth.' 'Your morher is lu cky,' he replied, 'that she could give her children the joy of having a father to look after them. ' I

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and father were only interested in [he money she earned, nor in her welfare. She was in a despera te situationBalaji had no d othes to wear, I was at medical college and she knew well enough that I was desperate for money otherwise 1 would not have come to he r. She had never imagined that for two thousa nd rupees she would be fo rced to do what she had just done. Maushi sent thousa nd rupees to her fa ther, and kept a thousand for herself. Fo r the first time, r was really angry with her, not with Kondiba ajoba and his sons. I had pract ica ll y been a pimp fo r Sushcela m3 ushi, I missed two months of coilege, and at the end of all tha t she still did not care ro help me b ilt se nt money to her falh cr and brothers. It was no fault o f theirs-she gave them money and th ey fed on it. They were used to it now, and it was her fault. 'I don't wam anything, I just want to live like your mother,' Sushecla maushi said to me over and over • agam. 'At last Bai has won,' ] thought. When she first revoltcd an d ran away with Na na, Sushccla maushi had bughed at hee. Now the same Susheela rnaushi wantcd to walk in her footsteps. Bai 's decision was vindicated. I wcnt w ith my aunts to Nerla. When we reached home, Ankush mama was sitting on the veranda in a spo tless white pajama kurta ru bbing tobacco in his palms . I looked at him sitting there in his immacula te clothes, relaxed, pleased with himself and his life, and r remcmbered the look o n Sushcela maushi's face a ft er the night shc had spent with Nana Patil , of how her eyes had filled with a sorrow her brothers would never

know. I had said to maushi, 'You have made them what they arc because you ha vc always provided th em with whatever they want all the time. It is your fault. If you had not provided for chern they would have bee n forced to do something for themselves.' But maushi had not agreed with me. In fact, she had told ajoba and aji what I sa id, and they had turned upon me in anger, 'Your m other has never se nt us 3nything. Don 't you teach the ot hers wrong things and set th em aga inst their own b rothers and pa rents. ' At Neela, we waited fo r Nana PatH to come as promised bu t he didn 't turn up . Finally, maushi sent me to lndapur. When I reached Nana Patil's house he was not there. I stayed the night in lndapur and went to meet hi m aga in the ne xt day. This time he was home, and rook me off to a resta urant. 'This kind of work doesn't suit you, Kisho re,' he said. 'You are goi ng to be a doctor, aren't you ashamed to do this?' I was ashamed, but I was also angry and rcsenrful that because of maushi, I had to listen to such talk from i'ana Pati!o 'Anyway,' he added, '1 cannot come to :--:lerlu, I'm too busy.' T returned home and told maushi, 'I don't think this man is going to look aftcr you for any length of time . Better forget hi m.' We r eturned to the jalsa party at lslampur after a cou plc of weeks. Hambirao Paril still visited Baby mallshi . But when we reached we found Baby m:wshi in deep distress beca use her so n was ill with high feve r and pncumonia. But it was time for the show to begin, so

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Ba by maushi tied her ghungroos round her ankles, and with one despondent look at her son, went on to the stage. Hambirao Pati! was among the audience and he started giving her money. Bab y maushi's heart and mind were with her ill son, and she danced automatically without being conscious of where she was or what she was do in g. Dinya was standing nea r the door. He gave Baby maushi twenty rupees. This made Ham birao Patil angry and he set up a steady stream of money for Baby maush i to collect. Other specta tors wanted to give her mo ney too. But she had no time to collect from anyone else except Ham birao Pati!. The party had forty-five minu tes to put up their show, and fo r every minute of the rime, Baby maushi ran up and down the stage co ll ecting money. She was giddy, her ghungroos bir into her skin as rhe pad of cloth under them had sl ipped and made it bleed, but she danced as if possessed. She needed money to take her son to the hosp ital. As I watched her, r rhought bitterly that it was nor her dance rhe men appreciated, it was her beauty, her slender waist and her alluring yauch that attracted them. 'What a fr es h, tender cucumber she is! What crea my skin! But she won't willingly give it, we wi ll have to take her away one day.' Luckily for Baby maushi, the bell decla ring the end of the show went off before she fainted from exhaustion. She came into the room wiping her swea t and so bbing deeply. Her son's condition had worsened. Hambirao Pati! called a cycle rickshaw and took them to rhe hospital. I-Ie gave Baby maush i aU th e help she needed and the child recovered in two days. When her son was back home with her, Ba by maushi said to me 'Kishore

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what do you think of IIambirao? Whatever eve ryone may say, he has been very kind to Ole and has saved my ch ild's life. And you have seen, haven' t you, how things are with the tamasha now ? I wish I would die rather than dance here. Evcn if I go hungry I don't mind , but 1 want to live a life of some dignity.' I told Baby maushi that she sho uld accept H ambirao Pati! and she did. She told him that she wou ld dance for a ycar and then give it up altogether. Soon, she was pregnant and at first she wa nted to have the pregnancy terminated. But when I told H ambirao Patil that she was pregnant, he was delighted and promised her that he woul d never ever abandon he r, so, she dec ided to have the baby. Meanwhile , Sushecla Ol a ush i also acquired a paramour. He was a teac her from Kolhapur, a married man who declared that he was madly in love with • maushi. He visited the tamasha every evening and gave money to Susheela maushi. Hambirao Patil, too, was a regular visitor. The party was running quite successfully when three of the dancers left. That left only four da ncers, not enough to dance every evening. So, I was sent off to Jamkhed to bring some new dance rs and brought back twO young girls, Sumita and Anita. They had to be paid an advance of Rs 2000 cach and H am birao Patil and the teacher shared the cost. It was t\vo months since I had come away from my college. Exams were round the corner, but I still had no money and I didn't know what to do. I did not tell maushi that 1 so desperately needed money. Fortunately, just when I had begun to feel completely hopeless, a friend wrote to S3Y that my scholarship had bee n

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granted, and so, I happily rerurned to Mumbai. Howeve r, my exams were hardly over, when I received a letter from Sushccla maushi calling me to IslampllI again. I went chere a nd found chern so un happy w ith their routine of dancing every even ing chat I advised Hambirao Patil and the schoolteacher to stop these women from dancing 3nd settle them into dece nt houses with their children. Thcy both agreed, and now

parents cannot allow their earning daughter to leave them for any other man beca use she is their source of income. Bur Shobha maushi fell in love and her lover lived with her for four years without ever giving her any money. Then, he tired of her, found her too old-she was thirey-three-and abandoncd her. Poor Shobha maushi visited Majalgaon every week, hoping and prayi ng that hcr lover would come back to her. But he never evell met her. Her parents battered her, verbally and physically. She tried to go back to dancing but she was too old, and nobody liked her looks any more. Hearc·broken and miserable, she went almost mad. Then, one day, sirring by herself in a corner, .her tired body gave a few sudden, sharp jerks and she died. Happiness plays a very, very small part in a dance r's Ii fc.

Sushcela maush i lives with her teacher at Kolhapur. Her three child ren study there and the whole family is happy. Baby maushi lives with Hambirao PatiL She has

a son from him, and he looks after them with care and affection. Both the maushis are full of gratitude and believe that I was instrumental in making the men provide them with good and stable homes. I wished th at all dancers could meet decent men who cared for them

and helped them to get out of their humiliating lifestyles into lives of dignity and joy. But this rarely happens, and 1 have never forgotten Shobha maushi who had tried to lead her own life. Shobha maushi was a beautiful dancer, slim, fa ir, tall with light eyes. She was patt of the tamasha parry at Parali when my mother danced there. She was headstrong an d independent·minded. She had re lationships only with a man she liked, whether he paid her or not. Obviously, she could not send much money home, which made her parents furious. They scolded her, beat her, but to no avail. Then Shobha maushi fell in love with a man from Majalgaon. To fall in love is the worst crime a Kolhati woman can commit because falling in love means breaking bonds with the parents, taking an independent course of action. Kolhati

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Chapter Fourteen I W he n the municipal elections came round, the list of voters in ou r family at Sonepeth reae like this:

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Krushnarao Bhangojiappa Wadkar Surcndra Kru shna rao Wadkar Radhabai Kru shna rao Wa dkar Shantaba i Krushna rao Wadkar Kishorc Shanraba i Kale Dcepak Kondiba Kale Our family rarion ca rd also bad rhe sa me li st of names . Bai kl;pt telling Na na that he should transfer some la nd to ou r names immediately. ~ana onl y got angry and said tha t he was unlikely to d ie in a hu rry. But Deepak

used to say, 'It is not a question of when you die. The fac t is that the re is noth ing to prove that Kishorc and J arc brothers or that Bai is o ur mother. So, the deed of rhe Ja nd should be clearly in o ur names.' Nann had never tried to give me his name, an d since I never lived with him for most of my childhood, that was easily understood. But Dccpa k had li ved with him since he was six months old! Instead of giving him his n:lmc, Na na gave him his grandfather's, sim ply beca use he did not want us to have any claims to his land o r

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money! Now [hat I am a d octor, he is trying hard to get m y name changed to his but I have refused . It is beca use 1 have learn t that success. docs not depend o n a name, or a caste, o r the w o m b frol11 which one is born . It is only sincere effort that counts. It rook immense efforr to adjus t to medical college and its hos [el. Life in the hostel was made d ifficult by the other stu dents who teased me cons tan tl y and played pract ical jokes o n me. I could not stand up to anybody, I had no guts. 1 was afraid that my hostel mates \vould find out that my mother was somebody's m istress a nd look down on me. Besides, my life at Nerla had made me very d iffident. I had been deliberately turn ed into a coward and was unable to confront any body even though I was in the right. Whenever I went to Sonepe th, 1 came bac k to find the g lass panes o n my roo m wind ows broken. Twice I went to the Pu bl ic \'1o rks Department, which wa s in charge of repairs a t the hoste l. to have the panes replaced. They cou ld not understand how I managed to break the panes over and ove r again. When I told them the reaso n , t hey sa id that I shou ld complain to the Dea n of rhe college . Bu t 1 fclt that complaining was useless . 1 was inured to tro ubles and found it easier ro bear them, than to talk to people . O ften in the middle of rhe night, th ere wou ld be loud knocks o n the d oor. When I opened the door th ere would be no o ne the re. M y p:l thology notes were stolen just two days before my second ye3r exams . 1 had to rerea d all the textbooks again before ap pearing fo r the exams. When I w as in the tbi rd yea r, 1 spent 1\s 500 (a fo rtune by my st;Jn d a rd s) to buy n textbook, on ly to find it gone fr om m}' room . My tro ubles seemed endless. 175

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confrom the boys who had made my life h el l. 'They will never let yo u live in the hostel if you don't tackle them now,' they said. So, taking courage in both hands, 1 confronted the boys and, like a ll bullies, they backed down . After that nobody troubled me in the hostel agai n. Life at the medica l college in Mumbai was dogged by the persistent worry about how to finance m y education. I had to pa ss my MBllS: it was my only hope foe the future. But where would the money come from? Nana had refused to give me any money saying that he had none to spare. Gambling was the bane o f his life, I often wanted to go to Sonepeth and throw a real tantrum and demand money from him. But I knew that would only lead to him yelling at Bai and perhaps, even beating her, and I could never put Bai ill such a situation. God fo rbid , if Nana threw her our of his house, J would never be able to get it off my co nscience. I wa s alw:lYs veey, very careful (Q behave in such a wa y that Nana never had ca use to get annoyed with Su i. My life was oppressed with fears li ke this-the fear of offending someone, the fea r of inviting more trouble, the fea r of causing trouble for others ... And constant tensions about how I would evee make ends meet. Some friends found me a job with a doctor in Mumbai and I took it up eagerl y to earn money for my fe es . I had to work at the clinic from 9 p.m. to 7.30 a.m. but soon realized that 1 could not keep this up. My eyes were red with lack of sleep and I missed classes because I could not keep awake during the da y. But what else cou ld I do? This was the only option I had. Unti l o nc day, I had a brilliant idea. I knew that clothes

My friends adv ised me to tack le those who troubled me, to face up to them, 'Or they will never stop. They arc bullies.' But I could never gather the courage to do so. I was convinced that in any fight, my family background would be revealed and I would have to bear their insults at best and derision and disdain at worst. One of my friends knew aboU[ my mother and he said, 'Kishorc, so many people have no clue as to who their father is. And it is not your fault, is it? You did not choose to be born in the Ko lhati community. So, forget the past and live your life without fear, otherwise, the world will treat you very badly.' Two days before my first year exams, I had finished studying and just got into bed at rwo a.m ., when someone kicked hard on the door and ran away. When 1 open ed the door, 1 sa w Harish Rathod running drunkenly down the corridor. The next day, in a fri end's room, I confronted him, 'What do you need at two a.m. in the morning? And if you do need some thing, why do you run away? If you do that again, I'll brea k every bone in your body.' H arish Rathod was taken aback. 'I only did it to tease you,' he said . 'I didn't know you wou ld mind. Sorry, 1 won't do it anymore ,' T he next night the same thing happened, but when I opened the door, 1 found a co uple of boys who lived in the room across mine, standing at their doo r. Harish Rathod came r unning am of their room and said to me, 'Ka le, I am drunk but I did not kick your door. Somebody else ha s done it just to make us fight,' When the exams ended 1 decid ed to go home. I was tired and fed up. But my friends persuaded me to

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and even fabrics were cheaper in the wholesale ma rkers of Mumbai than in the small tow ns of the state. So, if I bought shirrs and fabrics in Mumbai and sold them in Ambejogai and Paral i, I could make a profit. 1 borrowed Rs 500 from a cOllsi n's husband, and bought the kind

unr.:xpcctcu ally. I bumped into him w hen I was selling the shirts there for the first rime and told him how desperate my situation was. He agreed to help me. I made him promise that he would never tell Deepak anything. I had wid Nana that he should never let Deepak lack for money, even if he gave me nothing. So, Decpak lived in fairly secu re financial conditions, unaware that I had no money from Nana at all. If he came to know that Nana gave me nothing, he would fight with Na nn and ma ke life unbearable at home for Bai. Deepak is hot tempered and has always had a simmering rage against Nana. Ashok understood my problems and he used to sell the clothes for me in his college, without le tting Oeepak know anything. My bt:siness did rather well and I began to make frequent tr ips to Ambejogai. On one such trip, after I had sold some clothes; I went to Ashok's room ro leave the remaining with him. Unfortunately, Oeepak's classmate saw me and raid Deepak that I was in town w ith 'a new lot of very nice shirt pieces' . I was chatting with Ashok w hen Deepak burst into the roo m. His eyes were red w ith ra ge and he yelled a t me, 'I neve r imagined that

you would fall so low- selling clothes . like a petry trade r-you, the son of Sonepeth's sahub r! You a re no brother of mine! And don't you dare call me your brother, either! As far as I am concerned, you arc dead, and fo r you I am dead , too.' Oeepak yelled at Ashok for not telling him what 1 was doing. Ashok opened his mouth to tell him the tru th, but I glared at him, so he shut up, and Oeepak left the room . I slowly sat down aga in. I felt sad and demeaned. My younger brothe r had spoken to me most insultingly and there was nothing I could say to him. Ashok tried to co nsole me . 'I would worship a brother like you, Kishorc,' he said. I was deeply touc hed. While 1 was busy trying to make e nds meet and keep up with my studies at the same time, I had a letter fr om Ne rla telling me that Jiji was very ill. T dropped everything and rushed ro Nerla. There T found that Ji ji had been left to live by he rsel f a t the hut in the farm . When I reached the hut, Ji ji was asleep on the floor on a rug. She had a thin, tattered quilt made of seve ral old sa ris and other fabrics patched together fo r a covering. J ii i's hair was uncombed and unoilcd, and it was apparent that she had nor bathed in days. As soon as I called out he r na me, Jiji woke up with a sta rt. When she saw it was I, she cried oue, 'My son, have yo u come to light my pyre?' As soon as I was near enough, she began to cry loudly and held my feet saying, 'T ake me away from here, please take me away from here! The se people will kill me.'

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of shirts college boys like to wear. I took these to Ambejogai and sold them very hesitatingly at the college there. I was carefu l to avoid my younger brother, Deepak, who was studying science in class rwelve at the

college. Deepak's best friend. Ashok, became an

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Jiji had become painfully thin nnd emaciated. I had brought her favourire snack, chivda, and as soon as I opened the packer for her, she picked up some in her trembling fingers :lnd fed it (Q me, as if T was still he r linle child. On ly then did she cat it and as I watched her cat, it became obvious that she was very hungry, As soon as she had eaten, she nceded to defecate. So, she moved aside her quilt and began to d rag herself outside. I looked at her in horror. Then I realized that Jiji had suffered a paralytic stroke. And her brother, to whom she had devoted her life, had abandoned her to langu ish in this hut, far awa)' from th e house. My stomach churned at the pitiable sight of this old and abandoned woman dragging herself along the mud floor of the hut. This was the Jiji who owned twenty-five acres of land and a large house. This was the beautiful Jiji who had li ved in sp lendour as the Patil's wife. This was thc Jiji who had unquestioningly spent her en tire life slogging for the welfare of her brother. H er cruel, demanding, cold brother had not even taken her to a doctor; instead she had been abandoned at the farm where no one bothered about whether she lived o r died . Later I was told that once a day a bhakri was thrown at her, as on c throws food to a stray dog. For the first time I knew with gut-wfenching cla rity what Ea.i had run away fr om and why the hateful Nana was so dear to her. I decided to take Jiji to J.j. Hospital in Mumbai. I booked the tickets and packed her meagre belongings. But just as we were going to leave, ajoba, aji and Illama all descended upon us and accused me of trying to rake away Jiji's Jand. 'I know your cun ning plans,' said ajoba. 'YOll have

called your fathe r and arc going to force J iji to sign her la nd over to you.' He whispered something in Jiji's ea r, and she started snying, '1 don't want to go to Mumhai, take me to Kolhapur.' After all that she had suffered at his hands, Ji ji still stuck by her brother. The family promised me tha t they would take her to Kolhapur for treatment, and I sad ly left Jiji at Nerla and rcturned to Mumbai. My financial trou bles grew worse after 1 rcturned to Mumbai. Scholarships were given out yearly at the college, and they often came late. The students had co go to the college office a.gain and again and beg the staff to hand over the money to them. When it was finally given, the clerk would take huge commissions out of it. The student usually got only half the m oney, ' the rest was swallowed up in dues and commi ss ions. But J had not yet received even this half-a-scholarship. I went to Sonepeth to ask Nana to give me some money. I had received some scholarship money in the first year hut Nana had borrowed mos t of it from me, promis ing to return it within a couple of months. Many months had gone past and the money nevcr came. So, 1 was now trying to get Nana to find some money to give me. H e said, 'I could have borrowed money from the bank on the pretext of buying a pump for the well in the fi elds. I could have given you some of the money and bought a pump with the res t. But unfortunately, I have already harrowed Rs 2500 to buy fertilizer, and unless I return that, I cannot borrow any more. ' 1 had been in Sonepeth for two months now a nd my second year exams were approaching. I was shocked at

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Nana's behaviour, bur I didn't know what to do. Finally, Rai and I decided to visit a distant cous in in a nearby town. She lived there with her husband JUSt behind their liquor shop. We borrowed Rs 3000 fro m her, promising to return it in a month when NUlla's new loan would be sanctioned. Bai gave Nann Rs 2500 to pa yoff his loan and 1 took Rs 500 and carne to Mumba i. Soon, 1 received letters from this cousin, because Nana had nor returned her money sin ce the bank d id nor accept Nana's loan application. I was now very tired of the whole situation and decided that I was living. in a dream world-there was no way I could get through medical collegc, there would never be enough money and who else could I borrow money from? Exams were only twenty days away ;lOd I was conv inced that I cou ld not pass them. I had not had enough time to study . 1 decided I should leave Mumbai and forget abou t ever becoming a doctor. However, the very next day, the scholarship list fo r the second term was declared and my name figured dearly in it. Prov id ence had stepped in to help me. Until the schola rsh ip m oney came through, my friend Prasad helped ml!. He was the son of a college professor in Aurangabad and rarely lacked money. We shared a room, and I had taken to cooking one meal in the room to save on mess bills. I studied day and n ight and managed to pass the second yea r MBBS exams. It was around this time that a cousin from Nerla came to visit me. 'Jiji is in a terrible state, Kishore,' he wid m e. 'They haven't bothered to take her to Kolhapur and she can't even crawl now. Please, please go and get her to

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Mumbai (o r treCltment. You CCln't leave her there.' My hean sank . I was in such a bad financial position, how could I bring Jiji here? On the other hand , if I !eft her there, she would die a horrible death . So I went to Nerla. I found ajoba's household in a very bad state. Since both Sus heela maushi and Baby maushi had settled down with their families elsewhere, they did not send any monc), to Nerla. There was o nly Rambha maushi, who was rather simple. She had bcen forced to go back to the ta masha when her second child was only one-and-half-monrhs old. The baby was left at home with his gra ndparen ts and was thin and emaciared. When I reached Nerla, Rambha maushi was there. She had come home for a few days. I went into the house and demanded to know why Jiji had not been taken to Kolhapu r for treatment. 'You promised me that you would take her, but she has becn left to languish at thc farm. This time, I am going to take her away and nonc of you will stop me,' I sa id , angrily. The whole family crowded rOllnd me menacingly as if I had declared that I would rob o r kill them. I gathered all my courage and said, 'You bette r let me take Jiji with me, otherwise J will make a complaint to the panch (the Kolhati Co uncil).' Then, ajoba said, 'We are not saying that you should not rake Jiji for treatment. But Susheela is not here. You go to Kolhapur :md talk to her, she'll tell you what to do. She has told me that we should send you to Kolhapur when ),ou come here.' I did not know what to make o f all that was being said. Feeling rather uneasy, I made my way to the farm '83

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to sec Jiji. As soon as 1 reached the door of the hut, I could smell shit, piss, and cowdung all mixed in one horrible odour that filled the litrlc room. I covered my nose with a handkerchief and walked in. Jiji was lying on a dirty torn piece of sacking, her eyes fixed on a bit of blue sky visible through a hole in the roof. Not very far from her were the cows and buffaloes. Flies hovered all round her. On one side were dried, black lumps of shit, and over it ran streams of cattle piss. I looked at Jij i with love, caressing with my eyes her shrivelled , dry skin , her bare wrists, her fair, dirty forehead, her black hair and her white teeth that suddenly shone when she smiled to herself as she stared at the clouds passing by. I called our, 'Ji ji.' She turned her head, startled, and with a laugh tried to get up and drag herself towards me. I ran to her and hugged her, and the perfume of her love masked the filthy odours around as her thin hands flutrered like a feather over my fa ce a nd head. We borh hugged each other wordlessly. Then J iji said, 'Kay man tuya Kondiba? (What docs Kondiba say? ) Will he send me to Mumbai with you or not?' M y heart burned with anger. Jiji, who had spent her life looking after and feeding her brother had been reduced to this pitiab le state by that same brother. What a way to repay her sacrifices, her debt of love and loyalty! 'I will go to Kolh apur and get Susheela maushi. Only then will she send you to Mumbai with me,' 1 told Jij i. 'Do anything Ki shya, but take me away from here.' 184

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' 1 will, Jiji, whatever happens, 1 will take you away.' I ca me home from the farm and fo und Kondiba sitting in the veranda w ith Rambha maushi's ba by beside him. H e had a hundred-rupee note in his hand. I was surprised because there was not enough money to buy cooking oil with , and here was ajoba with so nluc h money in his hand. When he sa w me, he quickly put away rhe mont:y in his pocket and ca lled me to sit beside him. Instead, I picked up the baby and sta rted walking into the house. Ajoba tried to stop me: 'Sit here, there is no onc in the house.' Uut I wa lked in and sa t down with the bab)' in my arms at th e entrance. Suddenly, I heard the clink o f glass bangles inside, and a strange man stepped out of the inner room. He shot a startled look at me, then wa lked past and stopped to whisper something into ajoba's ea r. A horrible truth hit me hard in the guts. Ajoba waS prostituting his daughter to earn money. I wa lked into the inner room and Rambha maushi's fa ce and appearance confirmed my worst fea r. She stood there with her hair ruffled and out of place, her face darkened with sorrow. 1 stared at her in shock. All strength drained ou.t of me and I sat down hard on the floor. Tea rs running down her facc, Rambha maushi ca me and sa t down beside me. 'Kishore, I beg of you, take my children away from het e. Put them in an orphanage but ta ke them away fr om this hell.' M aushi was begging mc as if she was praying to God. I would have done what she wanted, but aji and aj oba did not let me take the children away. If the kids had gone away, Rambha maushi would never have 185

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earned any money for them. With a heavy heart I went off to Kolhapur the next morning. Greater shock awaited me there because Susheela maus hi, who I thought of as my mother, accused me of trying to take away Jijj's property. I left for Mumbai in deep shock, convinced that I would never aga in set foO[ in Nerla. I wondered why the family was so nai've. If I wanted to (
Chapter Fifteen •

M y second yea r exam results and my scholarship money carne almost at the same time. I immediately

deposited the Rs 4000 into my bank account and heaved a sigh of relief. At least fo r a yeae I had nothing to worry about. But within a weC'k Decpak wrote to say that Bai was vety ill. I rushed to Sonepeth. Bai had a small abscess on her forearm where she had taken an injection a year ago. That abscess w~s infected and pus had formed inside and spread through her upper arm. Nana had hardly noticed that Bai was in pain and he had never bothered to take her to a doctor. I ru shed Bai ro Ambejogai where there was a big hospital. The dacror sa id that she would have to be operated upon and told me that if I had brought her even ten days later, she would have lost her arm. Bai had to have expensive injections and she stayed for a week at the hospital. I spent Rs 2000 on her operation and medicines . After the operation I stayed back at Sonepeth, with Bai as there was no o ne there to cook for the family. Besides, she needed the rest. J even bought half a kilo of ghee made from cow's milk fo r her. Bur Bai always gave it to Nana on his bhakri. N.ma, of course, remained 186

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o.bJivious to all this and went off every evening to gamble. Besides Baits health, I was worried about Deepak. Deepak had given up his studies before completing his twelfth standard beca use there was no money to pay his fees. He had become thin and I was worried that he may have contracred tuberculosis. Deepak was nor used to fighting through life as I was, and he was terrib ly disheartened. Bai did nor worry about her arm, but she worried about Deepak all rhe time. 'Kishore, do something for Deepak, set him on rhe right track some how,' she said to mc. 1 wondered if she ever worried about me in the same way. Somehow, fia i could never See what difficulties I faced. Deepak also wamed to complete his twelfth bur he did not want to go to rhe college at Ambelogai because many boys there knew that he was the sahuka r's son. 'It becomes difficult to explain why I have my grandfather name,' he said. 'So, I would rather go to Karmala to maushi's place and stud y there.' This was someth ing I did not agree with. My aunt Shalan (Ba i's sister who had been married off in Bai's place) was a widow :lod lived and educated her two children on a small pension. I did nor want to burden her any further. Nana, of cou rse. had declared that he had no money for anybody's education. I worried over the problem for many nights and finally decided that chere was only one way out-i had to somehow pay for Deepak's education. I had only Rs 2500 left of my schola rship money. I was in the final year of MBBS and felt that somehow, sooner at latcr,

I would qualify as a doctor. But Dcepak would be nowhere without at least a proper high-school degree. I borrowed Rs 2000 from Pra sad, and gave Oeepak Rs 3000. At Karmala, I had hi m admitted to the college and found him a room to rent close to my aunt's house. Prasad was angry that I had spent most of my scholarship money on my family. 'When you are in trouble, nobody comes forward to help you a nd you never think of your own furu re, do you?' he asked. But how could I have let Bai lose her arm or Deepak lose his opportunity to have a decent future? My last year at the med ical college was , perhaps, the most difficult. My fi nancia l condition was terrible and lowed money to everybody possible-rhe hostel, my friends, relatives . . . I felt bu ried under a mountain of debt. I could only cat one meal a day, and besides, 1 had to rake up several part-time jobs. The work. studies and lack of nutrition made me very rhin, J had not shaved in many days and sported an untidy beard. I oftcn fclt giddy. I knew that 1 could not keep lip the parr-time jobs for long and wondercd if I should start the old business of selling shi rts in Ambcjogai again. At last, 1 went to an old friend in Pune, hoping that he wou ld help me. But he was o ut of rown. 1 spent the night with another friend at a college there, and returned empty-handed to Mumbai the next day. As soon as I reached the hostel, I bumped into the owner of the canteen. ' Kale, when are you ever going to pay up your . bills?' he demanded. 'There is a limit to everything, you know. and we can't wait for your payment foreve r.'

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I hung my head down in shame and went off [0 my room. I was hungry, tired, ill and in deep despair. There was no hope for mc, it was all futile. I had some sleeping pills and t decided to rake them. I shut the door a.nd emptied t he bottle of pi lls into my palm. But before

I could swallow them, there was a knock on the door. It was Prasad. At first I didn't open the dl."Of. but then I thought I might as well meet him for the last time. Prasad walked in with a big sm il e on his face as usual. H is was a naturally su n ny nature. and he put on an even more cheerfu l face fo r my benefit, 'Kishore, my money order has come,' he announced

with a smile, and handed me Rs 200. Prasad knew of my difficulties and alwa ys helped me as much as he co ukl. He was the only ray of suns hine in Illy life. I wondered whom I could repay first. The money was not enough to free me from even one person's debt. Bur it represented hope, and I accepted it with deep gratitude. h was at this t ime that I received a letter from my cous in Jayshree, Susheela maushi's daughter, telling me rhat Ji ji's land had been signed over to Popat mama. 1 felt free to fetch Jiji now, and went to Nerla. I found the fam ily less belligerent, like a dog whose mouth has been shut with a bone. But ajoba was nor done. He said, 'If you give me a tho usa nd rupees or so, I can let her go. Y
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and many people had gathered around. I started shouting at ajoba, cu rsing him and his family. Jiji pulled herself forward with her arms and dragged herself out o f the hut . She la y just outside the door and beat her fists on the ground alternately shouting curses at ajoba and begging him, 'Kondiba. m,u ku jalledere dawakhane me, tere paya padti re mini twnara kya waeet kiya re? Mir; saglich jayadad fo par Kishore sang mukll jane de.' (Kondiba let me go with Kishore to the hospital, I beg of you. T have neve r done you any ill, let me go.) I (ought to kcep my cool, to keep ca lm and fina lly agreed to give Kondiba the money he wamed. The greedy dog had to be sil enced with a juicy bone. I took Jiji to Mumbai and adm itted her into 1-J. Hosp ita l. The doctor and physio therapist who examined her said that she would improve with treatment. I was del ighted. But twO days later, I had to rush to the hosp ital. Jij i was creating a great ruckus in the ward . Nu rses and docm rs had gathered around her bed and Jiji was shouting that she wanted to leave the hospital and go home to Nerla. 'What happened Jiji, why arc you screaming like a mad woman?' I asked. 'I don't want to be operated upon, take me back to my brother. I cannot be cured till 1 die. And I want to die in Nerio. where my brother will ligh t my pyre.' I was furi ous, not just with Jiji but with eve ry ramasha dancer who is bound to her fathe r and brothers. They arc like birds in a cage who have forgotten wha t life uutside the cage is like. They can not survive outs ide beca use thci r fear kills them. After a ll my cajol ing, scolding, explaining had had

KI SHOIU S I-I AN i ABAI KALF.

no effect, I had to rake Ji ji back to Nerla, back [Q her cage-her hut on the farm . I cleaned it o ut and setried her there and left with her so bs ringing in my ears. What could I do ? I could not leave my stud ies and stay there with her. I had done my utmost for Jiji but she had backed ou t herself and refused to be helped. I had lost the battle because my general-Jiji-had turned her back on the batdefield.

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Chapter Sixteen

Tired of life and the neverending fin ancial difficulties, I went off to Sonepeth. They were all surprised to sec me, because it was monsoon and not a time for holidays. Even Nana was moved to see my emaciated appearance and said th at he would try and arrange to get some money for me . I ne ver left the house. I even went to the field to defecate through the back door. A month passed by, and nothing happened. O nce in a way Nana would go off somewhere and c.o me back and say, 'Nothing cou ld be ar ranged.' My exams were near, and I was worried. People around wondered if I had abandoned my studies because I had been in Sonepcth for two months. One day I Went th rough Nana's pockets before giving his cl othes for ironing, and I found a gambling ticket. My hea rt sa nk. I now knew that Nana had never gone anywhere to find money for mc; instead he had been gambling. It seemed as if all roads were now closed to me. I had visited every well-known, well-io-do person T knew in town. No ne of them had offered to help me becau se they could nor believe that the big moneylender of the town had no money at all. They were afraid of Nana and assumed that he did not want to give me money because

KISHORE SHANTAIIA] KALE

AGAINST ALL ODDS

I was his mistress' son. They did not know that he gambled away all his money. People began to give me strange looks, and behind my back they called me Wadkar's whore's son. Desperate to find peace of mind, I visited the local godman, who sent me to Parbhani to another god man there. He gave me a mantra and told me that if I meditated on it regularly, I would get the money I needed. 1 decided to meditate every day. The on ly person I had not visited after coming to Sonepeth was Nagin maushi who had helped me through my twelfth standard exams and who had fed me and given me so much affection. I did not want to meet her because I knew that Bai had taken her husband 's help in getting my stepbrother a job, and then borrowed Rs 10,000 from her for his wedding. That money had still not been return ed and T was ashamed to face Nagin maushi. But her daughter saw me in rown one day and insisted I visit them at Parbhani. Nagin maushi greeted me with affection and wanted to know why I had not visited her earlier. I lied to her saying that 1 had been in Sonepeth on ly for two days, but she knew that 1 had been there for [Wo months. 'You are a big man now, a doctor, and don't want [0 associate with us any more,' she said, sadly. I broke down, and told her about my miserable condition. She was aghast. 'Why didn't you come here earl ier? Wait till my husband gets up, he will find some solution for your problems.' When her husband hea rd my story, he immediately agreed to help.

'J will send you Rs 1500 every month from the fifth of October,' he said. I could hardly believe my ears. My troubles were about to melt away. 1 thanked them profu~ely and went back to Sonepeth. It was the 20th of September. On the 5th of Oaober, my second term exams would end. I had to get back in time to appear for the exams. I begged Nana and Bai to find some money for me so that I could go back to Mumbai. for I did not even have money for my journey back. But, Bai had nothing to give, and Na na pretended to be asleep. Bai said to him, 'Why are you pretending to sleep, try and arrange something: Nana lost his temper and shouted at Hai that he had nothing to do with us and we could find our own money from wherever we li ked. It was all too much fo r me to bea r. I had been through so much trouble, so much anguish, and Nana could not fulfil even a small part of his paternal duties. All J asked of him now was to give me some money for 01)' rerurn journey to Mumbai. For two month s I had patiently waited, hoped and prayed, and now, when all seemed to have fallen into place, Nana would not extend even the tiniest hit of help. I was furious with fate, wi th him and with Bai. 'You love your husband, not us,' I yelled at fiai. 'What have you ever done for us? You have begged people for a job for my stepbrother, borrowed money for his wedding, given your own gold bangles to your stepdaughter, and your gold rings to Kana to gamble away . And for us, your own sons, you have nothing.' 1 cannot remembcr wha t else I said, but the resentment of years poured out of me. Charged with

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, KISHQRE SI-IANTARAI KALE

AGAINST ALL ODDS

anger and despa ir, I ran out of the room and went up

bribe, and with a new exami ner I had a fair chance at the exams. On 18 June 1994 the resu lts were declared. I ha d passed. When 1 heard the results, 1 remembered how, many, many years ago, a young girl had begged her father to allow her to finish her studies so that she could realize her dream of becoming a schoolteacher. Then, I h ea rd her sma ll son say with determination :

to the top floor. Nana's first wife had gone off to live with her so n a nd daughter·in-Iaw, so the rooms were

empty. I went in and shut the door. There was a bottle of pesticide there and I sna tched it up and drank it. Immediately, I started vomiting, and my intestines bega n to burn. Unable to bea r the pain, I opened the doof, came our of the room and collapsed. My mouth was foaming. Nana and Bai c"arne running and shouted for help. People from atl around ran to our house when they heard the commotion. Deepak and a few neighbours ru shed me to the health centre where I was given medicine and administered first aid . I survived, but the whole town knew that I had tried to kill myself. The doctor at the health centre wanted to register a complaint with the police, bur Bai begged me to say that I had accidentally eaten rat poison that had been mixed with caw peanuts. She did not want Nana's name to be sullied. I asked the doctor not to register a case wi th the police. 'It is my Ian year at med ical college,' I [old him, 'and I must return to complete my exams.'

As soon as I recovered, I went

to

'A;oba balta dholki baia . . . Shala ,hike,a" ka

•

karnewala hay . . . Pun me shafeko janetualach . . . ' (Ajoba says learn to play the dholak ... Why do you want to go to schoo l? But I wil( go to school.) It had been a very long and ve ry arduous road for me. At every step there were hurdles and pirfalls. There were times when I seemed to be going backward rather than forward, and times when my dreams were just mirages in the distance. I faced severe hardship and humiliation, but I also received unexpected help. I had been tried and tested every step of the way, but at last my dream had come truc: Kisrya had become Dr Kishorc Shantabai Kale.

Parbhani, took

money from Nagin maushi, and returned to Mumbai. With financial support from her, my main worries were ove r. I studied hard but failed my exams because I did not pay the examiner at the ora l examinations a bribe

of Rs 40,000. Failing a year meant that I no longer received a schola rs hip . Even Lonikar stopped sendi ng me money . Bur with help, I got a college grant that tided me over my difficulties. The Anti-Corruption Bureau arrested the examiner who had demanded a 196

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