!CHIEVEYOUR'/!,3
WORKLIFE
WORKLIFE
4RANSFORMTHEWAY YOULIVEANDWORK !CHIEVEYOUR
'/!,3
3TRATEGIESTOTRANSFORMYOURLI...
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!CHIEVE YOUR '/!,3
WORK LIFE
WORK LIFE
4RANSFORM THE WAY YOU LIVE AND WORK !CHIEVE YOUR
'/!,3
3TRATEGIES TO TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE !.$9 3-)4(
!.$9 3-)4(
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!CHIEVE 9OUR 'OALS
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!CHIEVE 9OUR 'OALS 3TRATEGIES TO TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE
!.$9 3-)4(
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,/.$/. .%7 9/2+ -5.)#( -%,"/52.% $%,()
#ONTENTS
0RODUCED FOR $ORLING +INDERSLEY BY TERRY JEAVONSCOMPANY
)TS 5P TO 9OU
0ROJECT %DITOR 0ROJECT !RT %DITOR $ESIGNER 0ICTURE 2ESEARCHER
3OPHIE #OLLINS 4ERRY *EAVONS !NDREW -ILNE 3ARAH (OPPER
4AKE 2ESPONSIBILITY
3ENIOR %DITOR 3ENIOR !RT %DITOR %DITOR $40 $ESIGNER 0RODUCTION #ONTROLLER
3IMON 4UITE 3ARA 2OBIN %LIZABETH 7ATSON 4RACI 3ALTER 3TUART -ASHETER
%XECUTIVE -ANAGING %DITOR !DÒLE (AYWARD -ANAGING !RT %DITOR +ARLA *ENNINGS !RT $IRECTOR 0UBLISHER
0ETER ,UFF #ORINNE 2OBERTS
3PECIAL 0HOTOGRAPHY
!DRIAN 4URNER
&IRST !MERICAN %DITION 0UBLISHED IN THE 5NITED 3TATES BY $+ 0UBLISHING (UDSON 3TREET .EW 9ORK .9 #OPYRIGHT ¥ $ORLING +INDERSLEY ,IMITED 4EXT COPYRIGHT ¥ !NDY 3MITH !LL RIGHTS RESERVED UNDER )NTERNATIONAL AND 0AN !MERICAN #OPYRIGHT #ONVENTIONS .O PART OF THIS PUBLICATION MAY BE REPRODUCED STORED IN A RETRIEVAL SYSTEM OR TRANSMITTED IN ANY FORM OR BY ANY MEANS ELECTRONIC MECHANICAL PHOTOCOPYING RECORDING OR OTHERWISE WITHOUT THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE COPYRIGHT OWNER 0UBLISHED IN 'REAT "RITAIN BY $ORLING +INDERSLEY ,IMITED ! #ATALOGING IN 0UBLICATION RECORD FOR THIS BOOK IS AVAILABLE FROM THE ,IBRARY OF #ONGRESS
$EVELOP 9OUR 0ERSONAL 0OWER #LEAR 9OUR )NNER #LUTTER 4HE 0OWER OF 9OUR 5NCONSCIOUS &OCUS ON 7HAT 9OU 7ANT ,OOK AT 9OUR ,IFE !PPRECIATIVELY
$EVELOP 9OUR 3ELF !WARENESS
$ECIDE 7HATS )MPORTANT ,OOK !HEAD +NOW 9OUR 6ALUES 2ESOLVE 6ALUES #ONmICTS
)3". %$ $+ BOOKS ARE AVAILABLE AT SPECIAL DISCOUNTS FOR BULK PURCHASES FOR SALES PROMOTIONS PREMIUMS FUND RAISING OR EDUCATIONAL USE &OR DETAILS CONTACT $+ 0UBLISHING 3PECIAL -ARKETS (UDSON 3TREET .EW 9ORK .9 OR 3PECIAL3ALES DKCOM
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S #LEAR THE "LOCKS
$EAL WITH /VERLOAD
$EFEAT ,IMITING "ELIEFS
,IVE 5P TO 9OUR 3ELF )MAGE
$EAL WITH 0ROBLEMS $EAL WITH /THER 0EOPLE $EAL WITH #RITICISM
#REATE THE 6ISION 9OU 7ANT 3ET 9OUR 'OALS
4AKE #ARE OF 9OURSELF ,EARN FROM 9OUR -ISTAKES "EYOND 9OUR 'OALS )NDEX !CKNOWLEDGMENTS
-AKE 'OAL 3ETTING 7ORK &IND A 2OUTE TO 3UCCESSFUL 'OALS 0LACE THE 'OAL )N 9OUR &UTURE
'ETTING 4HERE -AKE 9OUR 'OALS (APPEN &OCUS ON 9OUR $ESIRED /UTCOME 0LAY TO 9OUR 3TRENGTHS
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)NTRODUCTION (OW WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE TO BE DIFFERENT 7HETHER ITS CHOOSING A NEW CAREER PATH lNDING YOUR SOUL MATE OR GETTING YOUR lNANCES IN ORDER MOST PEOPLE HAVE SOMETHING ABOUT THEIR LIFE THAT THEY WANT TO CHANGE
4HE FACT THAT YOU ARE READING THIS MEANS THAT YOU ARE CONSIDERING MAKING CHANGES ,IKE MOST PEOPLE YOU WILL HAVE TRIED TO MAKE CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE 9OU PROBABLY FOUND THAT SOME WERE EASIER THAN
#HANGE WILL HAPPEN WHEN YOU ARE READY AND ABLE TO TAKE THE NECESSARY STEPS
OTHERS AND THAT SOME CHANGES LASTED WHILE OTHERS DID NOT 7HAT WAS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM
!LMOST ANY CHANGE IS POSSIBLE IF YOU PUT ALL THE FACTORS IN PLACE TO HELP YOU &IRST MAKE SURE THAT YOU ACCEPT YOURSELF 0EOPLE SOMETIMES AVOID TAKING A REALISTIC LOOK AT WHERE THEIR LIVES ARE NOW BECAUSE THEY ARE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT THEY WILL lND AND HOW THEY WILL FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES AS A RESULT 3TARTING WITH AN ATTITUDE OF ACCEPTANCE SOLVES THIS PROBLEM 9OU CAN ASSESS YOUR CURRENT WAY OF BEING OBJECTIVELY WITHOUT JUDGING YOURSELF 3ECOND MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT 9OU CAN USE THE METHODS IN !CHIEVE 9OUR 'OALS TO CLARIFY YOUR VISION OF WHERE YOU WANT TO BE AND TO
!#( ) % 6 % 9/ 5 2 ' /! , 3
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RESOLVE ANY DOUBTS AND UNCERTAINTIES SO THAT YOU CAN BE SURE THAT THIS IS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT &INALLY USE BRAIN FRIENDLY METHODS TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL 9OUR MIND IS AN AMAZINGLY POWERFUL AND COMPLEX MECHANISM )T WILL RESPOND WELL TO SOME APPROACHES AND WILL RESIST SOME OTHERS WITH ALL ITS MIGHT 4HIS BOOK SHOWS YOU THE BEST WAYS TO MAKE YOUR GOALS COMPELLING AND KEEP YOUR MIND MOTIVATED )T WILL WORK BEST IF YOU START WITH THE SELF ASSESSMENT ON THE FOLLOWING PAGES AND WORK THROUGH THE BOOK FROM START TO lNISH )F POSSIBLE TEAM UP WITH A GOAL SETTING PARTNER SO THAT YOU CAN SUPPORT EACH OTHER ALONG THE WAY 4HIS HELPS BECAUSE YOU CAN OFTEN GAIN ADDITIONAL INSIGHTS FROM YOUR PARTNER AS YOU TALK THROUGH THE EXERCISES TOGETHER AND ALSO BECAUSE WHEN YOU TELL ANOTHER PERSON ABOUT YOUR GOALS THOSE GOALS BECOME MORE REAL AND YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO CARRY THEM OUT )F YOU CANT lND A GOAL SETTING PARTNER RIGHT AWAY DOING THE EXERCISES BY YOURSELF WILL STILL WORKBUT YOU MUST DO THEM NOT JUST THINK THEM THROUGH IN ORDER FOR THEM TO BE TRULY EFFECTIVE
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!SSESSING 9OUR 3KILLS 4HESE QUESTIONS ARE DESIGNED TO GET YOU THINKING ABOUT GOAL SETTING AND MAY LEAD TO NEW INSIGHTS WHETHER YOU ARE AN EXPERIENCED GOAL ACHIEVER OR JUST STARTING OUT 4O GET THE FULL BENElT COMPLETE THE ASSESSMENT TWICEONCE BEFORE YOU READ THE BOOK AND AGAIN AFTER YOU HAVE READ IT AND CRUCIALLY DONE THE PRACTICAL EXERCISES 4HE MORE HONEST YOU ARE WITH YOURSELF THE GREATER THE BENElTS YOU WILL ENJOY "EFORE !FTER
7HEN YOU THINK ABOUT THE PROBLEMS THAT YOU FACE NOW WHAT IS YOUR lRST INSTINCT
7HEN THINGS DONT WORK OUT THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO WHAT IS YOUR RESPONSE
7HAT KIND OF INTERNAL DIALOGUES DO YOU HAVE
(OW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR CURRENT JOB
! ) BLAME OTHERS " ) BLAME MYSELF # ) ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY AND THINK ABOUT WHAT ) CAN DO TO CHANGE THINGS
! ) FEEL THAT ) HAVE FAILED " ) REDOUBLE MY EFFORTS # ) ASK MYSELF WHAT ) NEED TO LEARN FROM THIS RESULT
! 4HEY ARE CRITICAL " 4HEY ARE SUPPORTIVE AND ENCOURAGING # ) DONT HAVE INTERNAL DIALOGUESMY hINNER VOICEv IS SILENT MOST OF THE TIME
! ) DONT DO ANY MORE THAN ) HAVE TO " )T DOESNT REALLY SUIT ME BUT ) WORK HARD AS A MATTER OF PRIDE # -Y WORK IS TAKING ME CLOSER TO FULlLLING MY LIFES PURPOSE
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"EFORE !FTER
7HICH OF THESE STATEMENTS IS CLOSEST TO YOUR PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE
7HY IS IT IMPORTANT TO YOU TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS
(OW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR STRENGTHS
7HAT IS YOUR ATTITUDE TO THE FUTURE
(OW CLEARLY DElNED ARE YOUR GOALS
! 9OURE EITHER LUCKY OR UNLUCKY " 0EOPLE MAKE THEIR OWN LUCK # %VERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN
! ) HAVENT REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT IT " "ECAUSE ) DONT WANT TO STAY WHERE ) AM NOW # 4O INCREASE THE POSSIBILITIES OPEN TO ME
! )M NOT REALLY SURE WHAT THEY ARE " 4HEYRE BETTER THAN MOST PEOPLES BUT THEYRE NEVER GOOD ENOUGH # ) KNOW MY STRENGTHS AND AM ALWAYS READY TO IMPROVE THEM
! ) TRY TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT " -Y FUTURE IS PLANNED OUT FOR THE NEXT lVE YEARS # ) KNOW WHERE )M GOING AND ) HAVE MANY POSSIBLE ROUTES TO GET THERE
! .OT VERYTHEYRE JUST DAYDREAMS " )TS ALL WRITTEN DOWN AND ) WILL GET THERE IF IT KILLS ME # 4HEY ARE CLEAR AND VIVID AND ) UPDATE THEM IN THE LIGHT OF NEW INFORMATION
(OW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOURE DOING A GOOD JOB ! /THER PEOPLE TELL ME " ) JUST KNOW # 7HEN MY FEELING ABOUT IT IS CONlRMED BY FEEDBACK FROM OTHER PEOPLE AND OBJECTIVE EVIDENCE
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"EFORE !FTER
7HAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU DIDNT ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS ! ,IFE WOULD GO ON THE SAME AS USUAL " ) HAVE TO ACHIEVE MY GOALS # ) EXPECT TO ACHIEVE THEM BUT WHATEVER HAPPENS ) WILL LEARN SOMETHING VALUABLE FROM IT
(OW CLEAR ARE YOU ABOUT WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU
(OW DO YOU MAINTAIN YOUR WORKLIFE BALANCE
$O YOU DESERVE TO BE SUCCESSFUL
! )M A BIT VAGUE " )M VERY CLEARIF ) WASNT ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN # ) AM CLEAR ABOUT WHATS IMPORTANT EVEN IF IT IS SOMETIMES FULlLLED IN UNEXPECTED WAYS
! )TS NOT A PROBLEM) DO ENOUGH TO GET BY AND THEN STOP " )T ALL GOES BY THE BOARD WHEN THERES A DEADLINE # ) AM REALISTIC ABOUT WHAT ) CAN DO AND MAKE SURE THE IMPORTANT THINGS GET DONE lRST
! .OT ESPECIALLY NO MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE " 9ESBECAUSE ) WORK HARD FOR IT # 9ESLIKE EVERYONE ELSE ) lND IT EASIER TO BE AT MY BEST WHEN ) AM HAPPY AND FULlLLED
&INAL 3CORES !
"
#
"EFORE
!FTER
!#( ) % 6 % 9/ 5 2 ' /! , 3
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!NALYSIS -OSTLY !S
4HESE ANSWERS SUGGEST YOU FEEL THAT THE LOCUS OF CONTROL IS OUTSIDE OF YOU AND THAT WHATEVER YOU TRY WILL PROBABLY NOT SUCCEED 7HATEVER YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAPPEN IN YOUR FUTURE IT IS LIKELY TO REMAIN A DAYDREAM UNLESS YOU TAKE SOME ACTION 4O CHANGE THINGS FOLLOW THE STEPS IN THE BOOK AND DO THE EXERCISES DONT JUST READ THEM 3TARTING WITH SMALL ACHIEVABLE STEPS BUILD UP SOME REFERENCE EXPERIENCES OF SUCCESSFUL GOAL ATTAINMENT
-OSTLY "S 9OU ARE HIGHLY MOTIVATED A BIT OF A PERFECTIONIST AND YOUR OWN HARSHEST CRITIC 9OU DONT LIKE TO BE BEATEN AND WILL FORCE YOURSELF TO OVERCOME CHALLENGES AGAINST THE ODDS 9OU MAY lND HOWEVER THAT ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS SOMETIMES TURNS OUT TO BE LESS SATISFYING THAN YOU ENVISAGED 'IVE SOME ATTENTION TO CLARIFYING WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU AND MAKE SURE YOU TAKE ACCOUNT OF HOW YOUR GOALS IMPACT ON YOUR HEALTH RELATIONSHIPS AND GENERAL HAPPINESS
-OSTLY #S 9OU DEMONSTRATE A MATURE APPROACH TO GOAL ACHIEVEMENTYOU TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS YOU ARE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT AND YOU THINK ABOUT THE EFFECTS ON YOUR LIFE AND RELATIONSHIPS -AKE SURE YOU DO NOT BECOME OVER ANALYTICAL ABOUT YOUR GOALS AS THIS CAN LEAD TO A LACK OF MOTIVATION 4O RECHARGE YOUR DRIVE TAKE CARE TO STAY CONNECTED WITH WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU AND TRY OUT NEW EXPERIENCES FROM TIME TO TIME
#ONCLUSION )F THIS IS THE lRST TIME YOU HAVE DONE THIS SELF ASSESSMENT THEN BEAR IN MIND THIS ANALYSIS AS YOU READ THE BOOK 0AY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE AREAS HIGHLIGHTED BY YOUR RESPONSES AS WELL AS THE TIPS AND TECHNIQUES THESE WILL HELP YOU TO REDUCE THE NUMBER OF ! RESPONSES NEXT TIME AROUND AND ACHIEVE A MORE BALANCED MIXTURE OF "S AND #S !FTER YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE BOOK AND PUT THE TECHNIQUES INTO PRACTICE RETAKE THE ASSESSMENT 'IVING HONEST ANSWERS WILL ENABLE YOU TO GET A DIRECT MEASURE OF YOUR PROGRESSAND YOU SHOULD SEE A BIG IMPROVEMENT
! 3 3 % 3 3 ) . ' 9/ 5 2 3 + ) , , 3
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)TS 5P TO 9OU
4O REACH YOUR DESTINATION YOU NEED TO KNOW WHERE YOU ARE STARTING FROM 9OU CAN GET CLUES ABOUT WHERE YOU WANT TO BE FROM YOUR LIFE NOW AND HOW YOU ARRIVED AT THIS POINT 9OUR BELIEFS ARE SELF FULlLLING PROPHECIES SO FOCUSING ON WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT IS ALREADY WORKING HELPS YOU REACH YOUR REMAINING GOALS 4HIS SECTION SHOWS YOU s 7HY ITS VITAL TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHERE YOU ARE NOW s (OW TO USE THE #AUSE AND %FFECT EQUATION s (OW TO DEVELOP YOUR PERSONAL POWER s 4HE POWER OF YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND TO HELP YOU TO ACHIEVE WHAT YOU WANT s (OW TO DEVELOP YOUR SELF AWARENESS AND ASSESS WHERE YOUR LIFE IS NOW
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4AKE 2ESPONSIBILITY 4HE lRST STEP IN CHANGING YOUR LIFE IS TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHERE YOU ARE NOW 2ECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT FOR YOU
-AKE THE 2IGHT #HOICES 4O TAKE RESPONSIBILITY IS SIMPLY TO RECOGNIZE THAT YOU HAVE THE ABILITY TO RESPOND TO EVENTS AS THEY HAPPEN 9OU CANNOT CONTROL WHAT LIFE THROWS AT YOU 7HAT YOU CAN CONTROL IS THE CHOICES YOU MAKE IN RESPONSE 4HIS ALSO MEANS THAT YOU 4O GET RESULTS HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE THE BEST CHOICES YOU CAN AND TO KEEP ACTION IS LEARNING SO THAT YOU EXPAND THE NECESSARY AS RANGE OF CHOICES AVAILABLE TO YOU WELL AS GOOD 4HE MORE ABILITIES YOU HAVE THE EASIER IT IS TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICE INTENTIONS IN ANY GIVEN SITUATION $OES THAT MEAN YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALL YOURSELF WITHOUT ANY OUTSIDE ASSISTANCE .OTHERE ARE SOME GOALS YOU CAN ONLY ACHIEVE THROUGH WORKING WITH OTHERS 9OU CANT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HELP YOUBUT YOU CAN INmUENCE AND INSPIRE THEM TO WANT TO HELP YOU IN ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS
$ONT 3ELF BLAME 4AKING RESPONSIBILITY IS NOT THE SAME AS BLAMING YOURSELF OR OTHER PEOPLE FOR ANYTHING THAT HAS GONE WRONG UP TO NOW %VERYONE INCLUDING YOU MAKES THE BEST CHOICES THEY CAN ACCORDING TO HOW THEY PERCEIVE THE WORLD AT THE TIME )T MAKES NO SENSE TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT THINGS YOU HAVE DONE IN THE PAST BECAUSE AT THAT TIME YOU WERE DOING THE BEST THAT YOU COULD
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(APPINESS DEPENDS UPON OURSELVES
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4HINK &EEDBACK NOT &AILURE 7HEN YOU DONT IMMEDIATELY GET THE RESULT YOU WANTED YOU HAVE A CHOICE ABOUT HOW YOU VIEW THAT RESULT /NE WAY OF LOOKING AT THINGS IS LIKELY TO BRING US MORE BAD RESULTS THE OTHER HOWEVER GIVES US A CHANCE TO LEARN FROM MISTAKES SO WE DONT REPEAT THEM 7E CAN JUDGE RESULTS WE DONT LIKE EITHER AS hFAILUREv OR AS hFEEDBACKv INFORMATION THAT ALLOWS US TO CORRECT OUR COURSE 7HICH ONE WILL YOU CHOOSE
,EARN TO *UDGE 9OUR 2ESULTS )F YOU BECOME ACCUSTOMED TO THINKING OF YOURSELF AS A FAILURE YOU ARE SETTING UP A VICIOUS CIRCLE THAT CAN BE HARD TO BREAK )F HOWEVER YOU TAKE ALL YOUR RESULTSPOSITIVE OR NEGATIVEAS FEEDBACK YOU ARE SETTING UP A PROGRESSIVE CHAIN OF EVENTS ONE YOU CAN LEARN FROM
"REAK THE #IRCLE OF &AILURE 4HATS FEEDBACK
&AILURE
%VERYTHING ) TRY IN THE FUTURE WILL FAIL
4HAT FAILED
7HAT DO ) NEED TO LEARN
)M A FAILURE 7HAT WILL ) DO DIFFERENTLY
5SE &AILURE FOR 0OSITIVE 2ESULTS !VOID FALLING INTO A VICIOUS CIRCLE OF FAILURE BY ANALYZING WHY YOU FAILED IN A PARTICULAR SITUATION AND DETERMINING TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU ACT IN A SIMILAR SITUATION IN THE FUTURE )F YOU TREAT EVERY FAILURE AS A POSITIVE LEARNING EXPERIENCE YOU ARE SETTING YOURSELF UP TO SUCCEED NEXT TIME
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-Y RESULTS WILL IMPROVE
4! + % 2 % 3 0 / . 3 ) " ) , ) 4 9
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-AKE 9OUR 'OOD &ORTUNE $O YOU FEEL AS THOUGH YOU ARE AT THE MERCY OF EVENTS AND THAT YOUR CHANCES FOR SUCCESS ARE DETERMINED BY YOUR PAST HISTORY YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES AND WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL ALLOW YOU TO DO /R DO YOU BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE THE AUTHOR OF YOUR OWN DESTINY THAT YOU MAKE YOUR OWN LUCK AND THAT YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE -OST OF US WOULD PUT OURSELVES SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN 4HE MORE YOU FEEL YOURSELF SYMPATHIZING WITH THE SECOND VIEWPOINT THE MORE LIKELY YOU ARE TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS
#AUSE AND %FFECT -ANY PEOPLE PUT THEMSELVES AT THE %FFECT END OF THE SPECTRUM 4HEY FEEL THAT THEIR EMOTIONS JUST HAPPEN TO THEM OR ARE CAUSED BY OTHER PEOPLE 9OU CAN HEAR CLUES TO THE WAY PEOPLE THINK IN THE WORDS THEY CHOOSE TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES s 3HE UPSET ME s (E MADE ME ANGRY s 4HIS GRIDLOCKED TRAFlC IS REALLY GETTING TO ME "Y THINKING THIS WAY THEY ARE HANDING POWER OVER HOW THEY FEEL TO OTHER PEOPLEOR EVEN TO INANIMATE OBJECTS RATHER THAN TAKING CHARGE OF THEIR FEELINGS AND USING THEM TO POSITIVE EFFECT 4HEY ARE SAYING THAT HOW THEY FEEL AND EVEN WHAT THEY DO IS BEYOND THEIR CONTROL )S THIS HOW YOU WANT TO BE 0UT YOURSELF AT #AUSE INSTEAD
#HANGE 9OUR 0OSITION
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)DENTIFY #AUSE AND %FFECT #!53%
%&&%#4
!SKS h(OW7HAT v (AS A PRESENTFUTURE FOCUS ,EARNS FROM PROBLEMS
!SKS h7HY v (AS A FOCUS ON THE PAST &EELS BAD ABOUT PROBLEMS
&OCUS ON THE 0RESENT 7HEN YOU DECIDE TO PLACE YOURSELF AT THE #AUSE END OF THE SPECTRUM THINGS CHANGE 9OU ARE MORE LIKELY TO BELIEVE IN THE PRINCIPLE THAT ANY PROBLEM CAN BE SOLVED AND YOU FOCUS MORE ON WHAT YOU WANT THAN ON WHAT YOU DONT 7HEN PROBLEMS ARISE RATHER THAN ASKING h7HY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME v A QUESTION FOCUSING ATTENTION ON THE PAST YOU ASK THINGS LIKE s %XACTLY WHAT IS GOING ON HERE s 7HAT CAN ) DO TO CHANGE IT s 7HAT IS IT THAT ) WANT TO HAPPEN INSTEAD 4HESE QUESTIONS PLACE YOUR ATTENTION ON THE PRESENT 4AKE $ECISIVE !CTION ,IFE OFTEN CALLS AND THE FUTUREA MORE ON YOU TO ACT DECISIVELY ! MEDICAL USEFUL FOCUS THAN THE PAST IF TEAM FOR EXAMPLE MUST CONSTANTLY MAKE KEY DECISIONS ON PATIENT CARE YOU WANT TO CHANGE
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$EVELOP 9OUR 0ERSONAL 0OWER 9OUR PERSONAL POWER IS YOUR ABILITY TO MAKE CHOICES FOR YOURSELF 7HEN THE POWER IS STRONG LIFE BECOMES MUCH EASIER 9OU HAVE THE DElNITE SENSE THAT YOU ARE IN CHARGE AND THAT THE CHOICES ARE YOURS TO MAKE
%NJOY THE "ENElT 7ITH A HEALTHILY DEVELOPED SENSE OF PERSONAL POWER YOU WILL lND YOU CAN MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS SO YOU DONT DO THINGS IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT THAT YOU LATER REGRET 9OU DO THINGS BECAUSE YOU WANT TO NOT JUST TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE 9OU ACT MORE COMPASSIONATELY BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF 9OUR MIND IS CALM AND CLEAR YET ALERT 7HATEVER CHALLENGES YOU FACE YOU ARE ABLE TO RESPOND APPROPRIATELY /THER PEOPLE ARE ATTRACTED TO YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF
5SE 9OUR 0OWER TO !CT 3OME PEOPLE lND THEMSELVES UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF hPERSONAL POWER v BECAUSE FOR THEM IT HAS CONNOTATIONS OF DOMINANCE OVER OTHER PEOPLE OF ORDERING THEM AROUND AND TELLING THEM WHAT TO DO 4HIS IS HOWEVER A MISCONCEPTION OF WHAT IS MEANT BY THE TERM 0ERSONAL POWER IS ABOUT INCREASING YOUR INNER PERSONAL STRENGTH YOUR RELIANCE ON YOURSELF AND YOUR ABILITY TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS 9OU WILL lND THAT AS YOU BUILD UP REFERENCE EXPERIENCES OF ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS STARTING SMALL AT lRST AND GRADUALLY INCREASING YOUR LEVEL OF CHALLENGE AS YOU GAIN CONlDENCE YOUR hSELF EFlCACYv AS PSYCHOLOGISTS CALL YOUR SENSE OF PERSONAL POWER WILL GROW TOO /NCE YOU HAVE IT IT IS UP TO YOU TO USE THAT POWER WISELY )F YOU ARE THE SORT OF PERSON WHO TENDS TO FEEL MARTYRED OR PUT UPON BY OTHER PEOPLE YOU WILL lND THAT FEELING GRADUALLY !FlRM THE POSITIVE DIMINISHING AND YOUR SENSE VISUALIZE THE POSITIVE AND OF EFFECTIVENESS GROWING AS EXPECT THE POSITIVE YOU START TO INCREASE YOUR 2EMEZ 3ASSON PERSONAL POWER
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"ECOMING #ALM 4HIS IS A WAY OF CALMING YOUR MIND AND BODY FAST 7HEN STRESSFUL SITUATIONS ARE SPRUNG ON YOU YOU DONT USUALLY HAVE TIME TO DO HALF AN HOUR OF YOGA 9OU CAN USE THIS EXERCISE ANY TIME ANYWHERE
0LACE YOUR ATTENTION ON A POINT STRAIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU AND SLIGHTLY !S THE EYES ABOVE YOUR EYE LEVEL ,OOK AT IT WITH RELAX MUSCLE hSOFT EYES v WITHOUT STRAINING TO TENSION FOCUS AND BLINK WHENEVER YOU WANT LEAVES THE 3TILL LOOKING STRAIGHT AHEAD ALLOW BODY YOUR lELD OF VISION TO GRADUALLY BROADEN OUT AS YOU NOTICE MORE AND MORE OF WHAT IS ON EITHER SIDE OF THAT POINTUNTIL YOU ARE PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT YOU CAN SEE OUT OF THE CORNERS OF YOUR EYES ON BOTH SIDES AT ONCE . OW LET YOUR AWARENESS SPREAD OUT EVEN FARTHER 5SE YOUR SENSES OF HEARING AND SPATIAL AWARENESS TO GET A FEELING OF WHAT IS BEHIND YOU AS WELL 2ELAX INTO THIS ALL AROUND AWARENESS AND NOTICE WHAT HAPPENS 3TAY THERE FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN 7HAT DID YOU NOTICE -OST PEOPLE REPORT A FEELING OF INCREASING RELAXATIONTHEY NOTICE THAT THEIR BREATHING HAS SLOWED DOWN AND THAT ANY INTERNAL DIALOGUE OR DEBATE PLAYING IN THEIR HEAD HAS SLOWED DOWN OR EVEN STOPPED ALTOGETHER 5SING YOUR PERIPHERAL VISION AS AN AID TO CALM LIKE THIS NEED NOT BE AN INTENSIVE EXERCISE )F YOU ARE GIVING A PRESENTATION FOR EXAMPLE GOING A LITTLE WAY INTO PERIPHERAL VISION WILL HELP TO CALM ANY NERVOUS BUTTERmIES YOU HAVE AND WILL ALSO ENABLE YOU TO SEE NONVERBAL RESPONSES ACROSS THE WHOLE AUDIENCE RATHER THAN CONCENTRATING TOO HARD ON INDIVIDUALS AT THE COST OF AN OVERVIEW 4O REST YOUR EYES AND RETURN REFRESHED AFTER THE PERIPHERAL VISION EXERCISE RUB YOUR HANDS TOGETHER VIGOROUSLY TO WARM THEM AND THEN PLACE YOUR PALMS OVER YOUR CLOSED EYES FOR A FEW SECONDS
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#ENTER 9OURSELF !NOTHER WAY OF INCREASING YOUR PERSONAL POWER WAS INSPIRED ORIGINALLY BY THE MARTIAL ARTS )TS A WAY OF INCREASING YOUR hPRESENCE v AS WELL AS A WAY OF STAYING CALM AND CENTERED NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS AROUND YOU -ARTIAL ARTS PRACTITIONERS DISCOVERED LONG AGO THAT WHERE YOU FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION IN YOUR BODY HAS A HUGE EFFECT ON HOW CALM YOU ARE HOW COMFORTABLE YOU ARE WITHIN YOURSELF AND EVEN HOW PHYSICALLY STRONG YOU ARE -OST PRACTITIONERS ATTRIBUTE GREAT POWER TO THIS ABILITY SOME GO SO FAR AS TO SAY THAT WHEN YOU ARE TRULY CENTERED IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO FEEL FEARTHOUGH THIS TAKES A LOT OF PRACTICE
)NCREASE 9OUR !WARENESS 7HILE YOU ARE OUT WALKING PRACTICE PAYING ATTENTION TO YOUR CENTRAL POINT AND MAINTAINING YOUR PERIPHERAL VISION !LTHOUGH IT MIGHT NOT BE WHAT YOU EXPECT AS YOU FOCUS ON YOUR CENTRAL POINT YOU WILL lND THAT YOU ALSO BECOME CONSIDERABLY MORE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS -ANY SELF DEFENSE COURSES TEACH THE DEVELOPMENT OF THIS ALL AROUND AWARENESS AS A MEANS OF INCREASING YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY
20_ED245_US 20 (&U;:(*+U9COAU(&
t
4%#(.)15%3 TO PRACTICE
5SE THIS EXERCISE TO LOCATE THE CONNECTION BETWEEN YOUR YOUR hCENTERv AND FEET AND THE mOOR CONCENTRATE ON YOUR FOCUS 0AY ATTENTION TO A POINT THAT IS )T CAN BE PRACTICED IN ANY QUIET AN INCH OR TWO BELOW YOUR PLACE WHERE YOU CAN CONCENTRATE NAVEL AND IN THE CENTER OF 3TAND WITH YOUR FEET SHOULDER YOUR BODY HALFWAY BETWEEN WIDTH APART WITH YOUR WEIGHT FRONT AND BACK ,OCATE THE EVENLY BALANCED AND YOUR BODY POINT MENTALLY AND FOCUS ON IT RELAXED COMPLETELY ,ET YOUR KNEES BEND SLIGHTLY ,OOK STRAIGHT AHEAD AND GO AND CONCENTRATE YOUR FOCUS ON INTO PERIPHERAL VISION
) 4 3 5 0 4 / 9/ 5
9/8/06 5:12:08 pm '(%*%&,(0(*0(/fc
4EST (OW #ENTERED 9OU !RE )T IS EASY BOTH TO TEST HOW CENTERED YOU ARE AND TO CENTER YOURSELF MORE STRONGLY !SK A FRIEND TO PUSH YOUR CHEST TO TRY TO MAKE YOU TAKE A STEP BACKWARD 4RY THIS TWICE THE lRST TIME FOCUSING ON THE TOP OF YOUR LEFT EAR AND THE SECOND TIME CENTERED 9OULL NOTICE A DRAMATIC DIFFERENCE
3TRENGTH 9OU MAY FEEL THAT WHETHER OR NOT SOMEONE CAN PUSH YOU OFF BALANCE IS SOLELY A QUESTION OF PHYSICAL STRENGTH #HANGE YOUR FOCUS AND YOU WILL lND THIS IS NOT THE CASE
&OCUS 7HEN YOU CONCENTRATE YOUR ENERGY IN A PERIPHERAL PART OF YOUR BODY YOUR LEFT EAR YOU WILL lND THAT YOU ARE EASY TO PUSH OFF BALANCE EVEN IF YOU ARE TRYING HARD TO STAY UPRIGHT
#ENTER /NCE YOU HAVE CONCENTRATED YOUR ENERGIES CENTRALLY IN YOUR BODY YOU WILL lND THAT YOU ARE HARDER TO PUSH BACKWARDEVEN IF YOU ARE CONSCIOUSLY RESISTING THE PUSH LESS HARD
4)0 )MAGINE PROJECTING AN hENERGY BUBBLEv FROM YOUR CENTRAL POINT .OTICE THE RESULTS YOU GET
21_ED245_US 21 ('U;:(*+U9COAU('
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#LEAR 9OUR )NNER #LUTTER )F YOU FEEL AS THOUGH THERE ARE TOO MANY THINGS HAPPENING AT ONCE AND YOU DONT KNOW WHERE TO START THIS IS A SIGN THAT YOU NEED TO CLEAR SOME MENTAL SPACE /THERWISE YOU COULD END UP CONSTANTLY lRElGHTING
"E %FFECTIVE NOT "USY -ANY PEOPLE TODAY BELIEVE THAT THEY hCANT RELAXv 5SUALLY THIS IS BECAUSE THEY FEEL THERE IS SOMETHING THAT THEY DONT WANT TO FACE UP TO SO THEY TRY TO DISTRACT THEMSELVES BY KEEPING CEASELESSLY BUSY 4HE PROBLEM IS THAT IT DOESNT WORK /N TOP OF THE TIME WASTED ON NONESSENTIAL TASKS AND YOU WILL ALREADY HAVE DISCOVERED THAT ANY BIT OF TRIVIA WILL DO IF YOUR MAIN PURPOSE IS JUST TO STAY BUSY WHAT THEY ARE TRYING TO ESCAPE FROM DOESNT GO AWAY )T IS STILL NAGGING AWAY AT THE BACK OF THE MIND DISTRACTING THEM FROM THE VERY TASKS THEY ARE USING TO DISTRACT THEMSELVES 7HEN YOU FACE UP TO THINGS HOWEVER YOU WILL lND THAT THEY WILL ALWAYS BE EASIER TO DEAL WITH THAN YOU FEARED
22_ED245_US 22 ((U;:(*+U9COAU((
t
4%#(.)15%3 TO PRACTICE
)T HELPS TO CLEAR YOUR MIND !S YOU STAY FOCUSED ON YOUR COMPLETELY BEFORE YOU MAKE BREATHING YOU WILL lND YOU A START ON SOMETHING NEW NOTICE CERTAIN SENSATIONS MORE 4HIS IS AN EASY MIND CLEARING THAN USUAL .OTICE HOW THE AIR EXERCISE THAT CAN BE PRACTICED YOU BREATHE IN IS COOLER THAN WHEREVER YOU HAPPEN TO BE THE AIR YOU BREATHE OUT #LOSE YOUR EYES AND FOCUS ON %ACH TIME YOU BREATHE IN LET YOUR BREATHING 9OU WILL lND YOUR ATTENTION FOLLOW EACH IN THAT IN A SHORT TIME IT SHIFTS BREATH DEEPER DOWN INSIDE INTO A MORE RELAXED PATTERN 7HEN YOU ARE READY TO COME BACK OPEN YOUR EYES 4AKE A )F YOU HEAR ANY hMENTAL MOMENT OR TWO TO NOTICE HOW CHATTER v LET IT HAPPEN ,EFT TO REFRESHED YOU FEEL ITSELF IT WILL CALM DOWN
) 4 3 5 0 4 / 9/ 5
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"UILD AN )NNER 3ANCTUARY 7HERE IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX %VERYONE NEEDS SOMEWHERE THEY CAN GO TO RECHARGE THEIR BATTERIES AND RECOVER FROM THE ENERGY DRAINS OF MODERN LIFE 4HIS EXERCISE IS DESIGNED TO HELP YOU RECHARGE YOUR ENERGIES EVEN WHEN YOURE FAR AWAY FROM A RELAXING ENVIRONMENT &IND A COMFORTABLE PLACE WHERE YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR EYES 2ELAX USING THE BREATHING TECHNIQUE ON THE OPPOSITE PAGE )N YOUR MINDS EYE lND YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX )T COULD BE A ROOM IN YOUR HOUSE SOMEWHERE THAT YOUVE BEEN ON VACATION A MEMORY FROM LONG AGO OR EVEN AN IMAGINARY PLACE 4HIS IS SOMEWHERE JUST FOR YOU WHERE YOU CAN RECHARGE .OTICE WHAT YOU CAN SEE AND BE AWARE OF THE COLORS ,ISTEN TO THE PEACEFUL RELAXING SOUNDS .OTICE HOW PEACEFUL IT FEELS AS YOU BEGIN TO ABSORB THE PEACE AND TRANQUILLITY WITHIN YOURSELF 3TAY FOR AS LONG AS FEELS RIGHT THEN RETURN REFRESHED &IND 4RANQUILLITY 7HEN YOU HAVE FOUND YOUR IDEAL INTERNAL REFUGE YOU CAN TAKE THE TIME TO PERFECT IT UNTIL IT MEETS ALL YOUR CRITERIA FOR RECHARGING YOUR ENERGIES
23_ED245_US 23 ()U;:(*+U9COAU()
10/8/06 10:12:40 am '(%*%&,(0(*0).fc
4HE 0OWER OF 9OUR 5NCONSCIOUS 4HE OLD FASHIONED &REUDIAN IDEA OF THE UNCONSCIOUS SOMETIMES CALLED THE SUBCONSCIOUS MIND WAS OF A KIND OF DUNGEON WHERE WE LOCK UP ALL THE REPRESSED DESIRES AGGRESSION LUST SELlSHNESS THAT WE CANT ADMIT TO
2ECOGNIZE 9OUR 5NCONSCIOUS )N FACT YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND IS JUST THOSE PARTS OF YOUR THOUGHT PROCESSES THAT HAPPEN BELOW THE RADAR OF YOUR CONSCIOUS AWARENESS 7HEN YOU ARE TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO CHOOSES THE WORDS AND THE ORDER IN WHICH THEY COME OUT 7HEN YOU PICK UP YOUR PHONE 9OUR FROM THE TABLE WHO IS COORDINATING UNCONSCIOUS THE DOZENS OF MUSCLES INVOLVED IN MIND IS THAT MOVEMENT 7HAT KEEPS YOU WORKING IN BREATHING WHEN YOU ARE ASLEEP .OT YOUR CONSCIOUS MIND YOUR FAVOR 9OUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND IS ABLE TO MULTITASK IN A WAY THAT IS FAR BEYOND YOUR CONSCIOUS ABILITIES )T KEEPS THE BILLIONS OF CELLS AND THOUSANDS OF SYSTEMS IN YOUR BODY WORKING IN MORE OR LESS PERFECT HARMONY )T RUNS YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM YOUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEM YOUR BREATHING YOUR CIRCULATION AND IT PERFORMS PRODIGIOUS FEATS OF REAL TIME PROCESSING THAT THE MOST ADVANCED COMPUTERS ARE NOWHERE NEAR MATCHING
,EARN TO 5SE 9OUR 5NCONSCIOUS 9OUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND IS LIKE A FAITHFUL SERVANT CARRYING OUT YOUR WISHES WITHOUT THE NEED FOR CONSCIOUS EFFORT ON YOUR PART )T WANTS YOU TO SUCCEED AND IT TRIES TO ACT IN YOUR BEST INTERESTS )T LIKES TO BE GIVEN TASKS TO CARRY OUT )F YOU DONT GIVE IT ANY INSTRUCTIONS IT WILL TAKE THEM FROM OUTSIDE INmUENCESUSUALLY DRAWING FROM ADVERTISING THE MEDIA OR PEER PRESSURE 2IGHT NOW YOU CAN CHOOSE TO ENLIST THE HELP OF YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND BY BEING CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT AND GIVING IT UNAMBIGUOUS INSTRUCTIONS TO FOLLOW
24_ED245_US 24 (*U;:(*+U9COAU(*
) 4 3 5 0 4 / 9/ 5
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4)0 4AP YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MINDS CREATIVITY BY
ASKING IT TO SOLVE A PROBLEM AS YOU GO TO SLEEP 9OU OFTEN lND THAT YOU HAVE THE ANSWER WHEN YOU WAKE
-ANAGE 9OUR -IND 9OUR CONSCIOUS MIND THE hYOUv THAT MAKES DECISIONS OR YOUR hWILLv IS LIKE THE CAPTAIN OF A SHIP 4HE UNCONSCIOUS MIND PLAYS THE PART OF THE CREW 4HE CREW MEMBERS ALL KNOW WHAT THEIR JOBS ARE AND THEY CAN CARRY THEM OUT WITHOUT HAVING TO BE TOLD 3O WHAT IS THE JOB OF THE CAPTAIN 4O DECIDE WHERE THE SHIP IS GOING -ANY PEOPLE THOUGH DONT USE THEIR CONSCIOUS MIND FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE /N THEIR hSHIP v THE CAPTAIN IS FOREVER WORRYING ABOUT WHETHER THE CREW ARE DOING THEIR JOBS WHILE NEGLECTING TO SET A COURSE FOR THE SHIP &OR LONG STRETCHES THEY ARE BECALMED OR GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES )NSTEAD YOU CAN SELECT CONSCIOUSLY THE COURSE YOU INTEND AND LET YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND GET ON WITH THE JOB
25_ED245_US 25 (+U;:(*+U9COAU(+
THINK
3-!24 9OUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THE WORD hNOT v SO ITS IMPORTANT THAT YOU LEARN TO TALK TO YOUR UNCONSCIOUS IN A WAY THAT IT WILL UNDERSTAND 'ET MORE EFFECTIVE RESULTS BOTH FROM YOUR UNCONSCIOUS AND FROM OTHER PEOPLE BY TELLING THEM WHAT YOU DO WANT THEM TO DO RATHER THAN WHAT YOU DONT )F A PARENT TELLS A TODDLER h$ONT TOUCH THAT CANDY v THE TODDLERS UNCONSCIOUS MIND HEARS hTOUCH THAT CANDYv 3IMILARLY SUPPOSE THAT YOU WANT TO GIVE UP SMOKINGIF YOU CONSTANTLY TELL YOURSELF h)M NOT GOING TO SMOKE v YOU WILL BE CONTINUALLY REMINDING YOURSELF OF CIGARETTES AND PROBABLY RESTIMULATING YOUR CRAVING .EGATION IS A LOGICAL CONCEPT BUT YOU CANT FORM AN IMAGE OF IT SO FOCUS YOUR UNCONSCIOUS ON POSITIVE BENElTS
4 ( % 0 / 7 % 2 / & 9/ 5 2 5 . #/ . 3 #) / 5 3
31/7/06 4:52:11 pm '(%*%&,(0(*0*(fc
7ORK WITH 9OUR 5NCONSCIOUS -ANY PEOPLE TRY TO MAKE CHANGES THROUGH WILLPOWER ALONE WITHOUT lRST GETTING THE AGREEMENT OF THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND OR EVEN CONSIDERING WHAT IT MIGHT BE TRYING TO TELL THEM 4HIS BEHAVIOR WILL MAKE CHANGE FEEL LIKE A CHORE AND IT WILL USUALLY FAIL AS SOON AS THE PERSONS CONSCIOUS ATTENTION IS ELSEWHERE THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND WILL GO STRAIGHT BACK TO ITS OLD HABITS 3OME SELF HELP GURUS TREAT THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND AS A LAZY SERVANT TO BE PUNISHED IF IT GETS OUT OF LINE "UT WHAT IF THOSE SUPPRESSED DOUBTS TURN OUT TO BE GENUINE CONCERNS THAT WERE CONSCIOUSLY OVERLOOKED &AR BETTER TO DISCOVER WHAT YOU REALLY WANT AT BOTH THE CONSCIOUS AND THE UNCONSCIOUS LEVELS OF YOUR MIND SO YOU CAN GET BEHIND YOUR GOALS IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY AND PURSUE THEM SINGLEMINDEDLY 4HAT IS WHAT THE PROCESSES IN THIS BOOK ARE DESIGNED TO DO
26_ED245_US 26 (,U;:(*+U9COAU(,
&)8
MINUTE
)F YOU NEED TO MAKE A QUICK DECISION BE SURE YOU ARE HAPPY WITH THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS BEFORE YOU ACT L $O ) REALLY WANT TO MAKE THIS CHANGE L
)F ) MAKE THIS CHANGE
L
7HAT IS THE PURPOSE
WHAT WILL ) MISS OF THE BEHAVIOR ) AM TRYING TO CHANGE L
7HAT WOULD BE
DIFFERENT IF ) MADE THIS CHANGE
2ECOGNIZE 9OUR &EELINGS 9OUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND USES YOUR FEELINGS TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOU )F YOU HAVE EVER MADE A BIG DECISION DESPITE HAVING SOME UNFOCUSED MISGIVINGS BECAUSE RATIONALLY YOU COULDNT lND A REASON NOT TO GO AHEAD YOU MAY HAVE WISHED LATER THAT YOU HAD PAID MORE ATTENTION TO THAT SMALL DOUBT HOWEVER QUIETLY IT WAS EXPRESSING ITSELF )F YOU DONT FEEL ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT A COURSE OF ACTION BUT DONT KNOW WHY IT MAY BE A SIGN THAT YOUR CONSCIOUS MIND HAS MISSED SOMETHING
5SE 3ENSE AND )NSTINCT ! DECISION MADE BASED ON YOUR GUT FEELING ONLY THOUGH COULD TURN OUT AS BADLY AS ONE THAT
) 4 3 5 0 4 / 9/ 5
31/7/06 4:52:12 pm '(%*%&,(0(*0**fc
#OMMON )NSTANCES OF 3ELF SABOTAGE 3%,& 3!"/4!').' "%(!6)/2
2%35,43
4RYING TO STOP SMOKING WHEN PART OF YOU DOESNT WANT TO 4RYING TO LOSE WEIGHT WITHOUT ADDRESSING THE UNDERLYING ISSUES 4RYING TO BE A SUCCESS IN A CAREER YOU DONT REALLY LIKE 7EARING A BUSINESS SUIT BUT WITH SLOPPY GROOMING AND ACCESSORIES
2ELAPSING EARLY FAILING IN YOUR ATTEMPT 2EPEATING UNSUCCESSFUL YO YO DIETING 0ERFORMING POORLY UNDER ACHIEVING AT WORK 0EOPLE DONT TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY
IGNORES YOUR INSTINCTS 4HE IDEAL DECISIONS ARE THOSE IN WHICH YOU ARE CONSCIOUS OF AN EVEN BALANCE BETWEEN EMOTION AND REASON A GOOD DECISION WILL USUALLY FEEL INSTINCTIVELY RIGHT AND ALSO MAKE RATIONAL SENSE 7HEN ANY MAJOR DECISION NEEDS TO BE MADE ASK YOURSELF IF YOUR PROPOSED ACTION MEETS BOTH )NNER #ONlDENCE 4HE ULTIMATE OF THESE CRITERIA )F IT DOES CONlDENCE DERIVES FROM THE CERTAINTY THEN YOU SHOULD ACT ON IT THAT A DECISION IS RIGHT FOR YOU ON BOTH WITH CONlDENCE RATIONAL AND EMOTIONAL LEVELS
27_ED245_US 27 (-U;:(*+U9COAU(-
31/7/06 4:52:13 pm '(%*%&,(0(*0*,fc
5SE 9OUR "ELIEFS 0OSITIVELY 4HE BELIEFS YOU CHOOSE BECOME lLTERS THROUGH WHICH YOU INTERPRET EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS %VIDENCE THAT SUPPORTS YOUR CHOSEN BELIEFS WILL BE HIGHLIGHTED WHILE EVIDENCE THAT CONTRADICTS THEM WILL BE PLAYED DOWN OR NOT EVEN NOTICED (ERE ARE TWO BELIEFS YOU MAY HAVE COME ACROSS h,IFES A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIEv h,IFE IS AN ADVENTURE PEOPLE ARE BASICALLY GOOD AND ) CAN ACHIEVE ANYTHING ) WANTv 7HICH ONE IS TRUE )F YOU THINK ABOUT IT YOU CAN PROVIDE EVIDENCE FROM YOUR OWN LIFE TO SUPPORT EITHER ONE 3O BOTHOR NEITHERARE TRUE "ELIEFS ARE LIKE MAPS THAT HELP US lND OUR WAY AROUND 4HE IMPORTANT QUESTION ABOUT THEM IS NOT h!RE THEY TRUE v BUT h!RE THEY USEFUL v 7HICH BELIEF YOU CHOOSE BECOMES A lLTER THROUGH WHICH YOU INTERPRET EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS %VIDENCE THAT SUPPORTS YOUR CHOSEN BELIEF 2EAD THE !PPROPRIATE -AP -APS WILL BE HIGHLIGHTED WHILE COME IN DIFFERENT GUISESTHINK ABOUT EVIDENCE THAT CONTRADICTS IT A WEATHER MAP AGAINST A ROAD MAP WILL BE IGNORED PLAYED BOTH OF THEM ARE ACCURATE BUT WHICH IS DOWN OR EVEN GO UNNOTICED THE MORE USEFUL FOR YOUR PURPOSES
28_ED245_US 28 (.U;:(*+U9COAU(.
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#ONSIDER THE %VIDENCE 4HE hLIFES A BITCHv BELIEVER WILL ACT IN A WAY THAT MAKES SENSE TO THEM IN THE LIGHT OF THAT BELIEF WHICH WILL BE VERY DIFFERENT FROM HOW SOMEONE HOLDING THE SECOND BELIEF ACTS 4HE RESULTS THEY GETPOSITIVE OR NEGATIVEWILL TEND TO BEAR OUT THEIR BELIEF 4HE LONGER AND MORE DEEPLY HELD THE BELIEF IS THE MORE 9OUR BELIEFS hEVIDENCEv IT WILL ACCUMULATE IN ARE THE SCRIPT SUPPORT OF IT 4HERE ARE MANY WELL FOR YOUR LIFE KNOWN EXAMPLES OF RESEARCH STUDIES SUPPORTING THE IDEA THAT WHAT YOU BELIEVE INmUENCES THE REAL OUTCOME OF EVENTS IN YOUR LIFE 4HREE EFFECTS THAT ARE OFTEN CITED ARE s 4HE h0LACEBO %FFECT v IN WHICH SOME PATIENTS IN THE hCONTROL GROUPv IN CLINICAL DRUG TRIALS GET BETTER CONVINCED THAT THEY ARE RECEIVING MEDICINE EVEN THOUGH THE hTREATMENTv THAT THEY THINK THEY ARE RECEIVING IS JUST A SUGAR PILL s 4HE h(ALO %FFECT v DISCOVERED BY %DWARD 4HORNDIKE IN THIS ESTABLISHED THAT IF YOU STRONGLY FAVOR ONE PARTICULAR AND SPECIlC CHARACTERISTIC THAT YOU lND IN A PERSON YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO RATE THE SAME PERSON HIGHER FOR A VARIETY OF OTHER POSITIVE TRAITS WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE EVIDENCE TO SUPPORT YOUR RATING s 4HE h0YGMALION %FFECT v DESCRIBED BY 2OBERT 2OSENTHAL IN WHICH SHOWED THAT HOW EFFECTIVELY AND SUCCESSFULLY CHILDREN PERFORM ACADEMICALLY IS STRONGLY INmUENCED BY THEIR TEACHERS BELIEFS IN THEIR SKILLS 3INCE WHAT YOU BELIEVE TENDS TO BECOME TRUE FOR YOU ITS IMPORTANT TO THINK CAREFULLY ABOUT WHAT YOU BELIEVE TO MAKE SURE THAT IT SUPPORTS YOUR SUCCESS
4)0 -AKE A POSITIVE EFFORT TO LOOK FOR EVIDENCE
THAT DISPROVES AND DISEMPOWERS ANY BELIEFS THAT ARE WORKING TO LIMIT YOU
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4 ( % 0 / 7 % 2 / & 9/ 5 2 5 . #/ . 3 #) / 5 3
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&OCUS ON 7HAT 9OU 7ANT (UMAN BEINGS ARE BORN WITH THE ABILITY TO SEE PATTERNS IN THINGS 7HERE THERE ARE NO INNATE PATTERNS WE TEND TO PROJECT THEMLIKE SEEING PICTURES IN A CAMPlRE OR FACES AND ANIMALS IN CLOUDS
,EARN TO ,OOK #ONSEQUENTLY IT IS MUCH EASIER TO NOTICE SOMETHING IF WE ARE ALREADY EXPECTING TO SEE IT 4HE IMPLICATION OF THIS FOR CHANGING YOUR LIFE IS THAT YOU GET WHAT YOU FOCUS ON )F YOU FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WANT YOU WILL lND IT IF ALL YOU FOCUS ON IS GETTING AWAY FROM WHAT YOU DONT WANT THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL lND YOURSELF RETURNING TO AGAIN AND AGAIN
#HOOSE THE 2IGHT -OTIVATION 4HERE ARE TWO KINDS OF MOTIVATIONTOWARD WHAT YOU WANT AND AWAY FROM WHAT YOU DONT WANT 7HILE hAWAY FROMv MOTIVATION CAN BE USEFUL IN ADMINISTERING THE KICK THAT YOU NEEDED TO GET STARTED IT WILL GIVE YOU INCONSISTENT RESULTS 4O HELP YOU KEEP GOING UNTIL YOU REACH YOUR GOALS YOU NEED TO ENSURE THAT YOUR MOTIVATION IS MAINLY FOCUSED ON hTOWARDv
30_ED245_US 30 )&U;:(*+U9COAU)&
)DENTIFY 9OUR -OTIVATION h4/7!2$v -/4)6!4)/.
h!7!9 &2/-v -/4)6!4)/.
(AS BUILT IN DIRECTION YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GOING AND CAN MAKE CORRECTIONS IF NECESSARY 7ORKS IN A SUSTAINED WAY YOU WILL lND THAT IT EXERTS AN EVEN STRONGER PULL AS YOU COME CLOSER TO YOUR GOAL AND WILL HELP TO INSPIRE YOU
,ACKS DIRECTION WHEN YOU WANT TO GET AWAY FROM SOMETHING ANY DIRECTION WILL DO 7ORKS ONLY FOR A SHORT TIME IT GIVES OUT AS SOON AS YOU GET FAR ENOUGH AWAY FROM WHAT YOU ARE AVOIDING LEAVING YOU BECALMED UNTIL THE NEXT THREAT COMES ALONG 0ROVES TO BE STRESSFUL THE MENTAL IMAGE THAT MOTIVATES YOU IS OF WHAT YOU WANT TO GET AWAY FROM
)NSPIRES YOU EVEN IF YOUR CURRENT SITUATION IS UNPLEASANT YOUR MENTAL IMAGE IS OF WHERE YOU WANT TO BE
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h4OWARDv MOTIVATION
2ESULT LEVEL
2ESULT LEVEL
/NE OF THE CHIEF ARGUMENTS AGAINST hAWAY FROMv MOTIVATION IS THAT IT LEADS TO INCONSISTENT RESULTS )F SOMEONE IS MOTIVATED TO MAKE MONEY PRIMARILY BECAUSE SHE GREW UP IN POVERTY AND NEVER WANTS TO GO BACK THERE HER MOTIVATION WILL BEGIN TO DISAPPEAR AS SHE STARTS GETTING RICH AND RETURN ONCE SHE HAS LOST HER MONEY "EHAVIORAL EXPERTS HAVE SURMISED THAT THIS IS THE REASON THAT SOME MILLIONAIRES MAKE AND LOSE THEIR FORTUNES SEVERAL TIMES OVERTHEY ARE WORKING TO hAWAY FROMv MOTIVATION
-OTIVATION
'ET 2ESULTS %VERY 4IME
h!WAY FROMv MOTIVATION
0ICK 9OUR -OTIVATION 2EACH YOUR GOAL WITH hTOWARDv MOTIVATIONh!WAY FROMv MOTIVATION ONLY HELPS YOU ESCAPE FROM WHAT YOU DONT WANT
,IMIT THE $RAMA IN 9OUR ,IFE 7E ALL FACE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF CHALLENGE AND DIFlCULTY SOME FAR MORE THAN OTHERS (OWEVER SOME PEOPLE SEEM TO ATTRACT DIFlCULTIES EVEN IN QUITE STRAIGHTFORWARD SITUATIONS WHERE NONE PREVIOUSLY EXISTED 4HIS MAY REmECT AN UNCONSCIOUS NEED TO BE THE HERO OR HEROINE IN THEIR OWN LIFE STORY 7HEN THINGS ARE GOING WELL THEY WILL UNCONSCIOUSLY lND A WAY OF DISRUPTING THEM SO THAT THEY CAN CONTINUE IN THEIR HEROIC STRUGGLE
4)0 !SK YOURSELF IF YOU WOULD BE HAPPY TO GET WHAT YOU WANT EASILY 9OU MAY BE CREATING MORE DRAMA THAN YOU NEED TO BE SUCCESSFUL
31_ED245_US 31 )'U;:(*+U9COAU)'
& / #5 3 / . 7 ( !4 9/ 5 7! . 4
31/7/06 4:52:18 pm '(%*%&,(0(*0+.fc
,OOK AT 9OUR ,IFE !PPRECIATIVELY 3OCIAL PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE DISCOVERED THAT POSITIVE EMOTIONS GIVE US BENElTS BEYOND JUST FEELING GOOD 7HEN YOU FEEL GOOD ITS EASIER TO SEE THE BIG PICTURE RATHER THAN GETTING LOST IN DETAIL
&OSTER #REATIVITY 7HEN YOU EXPERIENCE POSITIVE %VERY EMOTIONS YOU ARE MORE CREATIVE EXPERIENCE THAN WHEN YOU ARE FEELING hNEUTRALv 0OSITIVE EMOTIONS HELP POSITIVE OR YOU TO MAKE SENSE OF COMPLEX NEGATIVE INFORMATION QUICKLY AND MAKE YOU CAN BE USED LESS LIKELY TO JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS TO LEARN ! POSITIVE MINDSET HAS PHYSICAL BENElTS TOOIT HELPS HEART RATE AND BLOOD PRESSURE TO RETURN TO NORMAL MORE QUICKLY AFTER STRESSFUL EVENTS
#ULTIVATE AN !PPRECIATIVE -INDSET "ECAUSE POSITIVE EMOTIONS HAVE THESE BENElTS IT IS USEFUL TO BUILD ON WHAT IS POSITIVE IN YOUR LIFE AS A BASIS FOR MAKING THE CHANGES YOU WANT (OWEVER IT IS NOT ALWAYS EASY TO TRY TO STIMULATE POSITIVE EMOTIONS THROUGH HUMOR OR THROUGH TELLING OURSELVES TO LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE 2ESEARCHERS IN THE RAPIDLY GROWING lELD OF hPOSITIVE PSYCHOLOGYv TELL US THAT THE EASIEST POSITIVE EMOTIONS TO EVOKE EVEN UNDER EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES ARE THOSE OF GRATITUDE AND COMPASSION9OU CAN USE THIS TO s !PPRECIATE EVEN SIMPLE THINGS WITH GRATITUDE s 7HEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN ASK YOURSELF h7HAT DO ) NEED TO LEARN FROM THIS v s &IND POSITIVE MEANING THROUGH HELPINGACT COMPASSIONATELY TOWARD OTHERS
i
w
)T IS OF PRACTICAL VALUE TO LEARN TO LIKE YOURSELF
) 4 3 5 0 4 / 9/ 5
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.ORMAN 0EALE
31/7/06 4:52:19 pm '(%*%&,)0('0&&fc
-AKE THE -OST OF 'OOD -EMORIES 9OUR EMOTIONAL RESPONSE TO A MENTAL IMAGE IS DETERMINED AT LEAST AS MUCH BY THE WAY IN WHICH YOU THINK ABOUT IT AS BY WHAT IT IS THAT YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT 4HE VISUAL QUALITIES OF AN IMAGE TELL THE BRAIN HOW MUCH ATTENTION TO PAY 9OUR RESPONSE IS STRONGER WHEN AN IMAGE IS VIVID AND WHEN YOU ARE INVOLVED IN IT 4RY THIS EXPERIMENT
4HINK OF A HAPPY MEMORY !S YOU SEE IT IN YOUR MINDS EYE NOTICE HOW INTENSE YOUR POSITIVE EMOTIONAL RESPONSE IS
)S THE PICTURE LIFE SIZE OR SMALLER "RING IT UP TO LIFE SIZE )S IT IN COLOR OR BLACK AND WHITE -AKE IT COLORFUL 4RY MAKING IT A LITTLE BRIGHTER 4HEN PUT SOME MOVEMENT INTO IT 3TEP INTO THE PICTURE AND SEE IT THROUGH YOUR OWN EYES .OTICE WHAT HAPPENS TO THE INTENSITY OF HOW THE MEMORY MAKES YOU FEEL AFTER EACH OF THE STEPS ABOVE 5SE 0AST AND &UTURE 0OSITIVE IMAGES lLLED WITH TEXTURE AND MOVEMENT ARE EFFECTIVE MOTIVATIONAL AIDS WHETHER THEY DERIVE FROM MEMORIES OR FUTURE HOPES
w
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&IND 7HAT )S !LREADY 7ORKING 4HERE IS AN INCREASINGLY POPULAR APPROACH TO ORGANIZATIONAL AND PERSONAL CHANGE CALLED !PPRECIATIVE )NQUIRY WHICH HOLDS THAT THE BEST WAY TO IMPROVE THINGS IS TO DISCOVER WHAT IS ALREADY WORKING AND THEN DO MORE OF IT 7E TEND TO GET MORE OF WHAT WE FOCUS ON 0AYING ATTENTION TO WHAT IS ALREADY WORKING WELL IN YOUR LIFE IS LIKELY TO RAISE YOUR MORALE AND YOUR SELF ESTEEM AND INCREASE THE ENERGY AVAILABLE FOR CHANGING THE AREAS OF YOUR LIFE THAT ARE NOT WORKING SO WELL
+NOW 9OUR 3TRENGTHS 4O MAKE IT EASIER TO ESTABLISH THE POSITIVES IN YOUR MIND TRY THESE LINES OF INQUIRY s 7HAT DO PEOPLE TELL YOU ARE YOUR STRENGTHS s 7HAT DO THE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU REGARD AS YOUR
!CCENTUATE THE 0OSITIVE 4HIS EXERCISE IS DESIGNED TO HELP YOU FOCUS ON THE ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WANT TO KEEP %VEN IF YOU HAVE BEEN TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOUR LIFE IS TERRIBLE THERE ARE ALWAYS SOME POSITIVE ELEMENTS
2ATE HOW POSITIVE YOU FEEL AT RIGHT NOW ON A SCALE OF TO 7HAT IS WORKING IN YOUR LIFE 7RITE IT DOWNIT DOESNT MATTER HOW TRIVIAL EACH ELEMENT SEEMS 'O INTO AS MUCH DETAIL AS YOU CAN .OTICE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT EACH SMALL ELEMENT 7HAT ARE YOU PROUD OF !GAIN DESCRIBE EACH EVENT AND NOTICE WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU AND HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT IT 7HAT ARE YOU GOOD AT 2EVISIT HOW YOU FEEL AND RATE IT ON THE TO SCALE AGAIN 4O INCREASE THE POSITIVE EFFECT YOU CAN RETRACE THE STEPS ABOVE ADDING MORE DETAIL SO THAT YOU REALLY INVOLVE YOURSELF WITH EACH POSITIVE IMAGE
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GOOD QUALITIES AND ABILITIES 4AKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF THROUGH THEIR EYES OR BETTER STILL ASK THEMYOU MAY BE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED s )MAGINE THAT A GOOD FRIEND WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU TO SOMEONE "UILDING ON WHO HAS NOT MET YOU (OW WHAT IS WOULD THAT FRIEND DESCRIBE YOUR ALREADY GOOD POINTS STRONG MAKES .OTICE HOW YOU FEEL AFTER FOCUSING IT STRONGER ON THE POSITIVE ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE 7HAT HAS CHANGED
,EARN TO 6ALUE !CCEPTANCE 5NTIL YOU ARE IN A POSITION TO CHANGE THE PARTS OF YOUR LIFE THAT YOU DO NOT LIKE THE BEST ATTITUDE TO HAVE IS ONE OF ACCEPTANCE 4HERE IS NO POINT WASTING YOUR ENERGY FRETTING ABOUT THINGS YOU ARE NOT IN A POSITION TO CHANGE /NE OF THE BEST KNOWN EXPRESSIONS OF THE ATTITUDE OF ACCEPTANCE IS THE h3ERENITY 0RAYER v USUALLY ATTRIBUTED TO THE THEOLOGIAN 2EINHOLD .IEBUHR )T SHOWS A WISDOM THAT RESONATES BEYOND ANY PARTICULAR RELIGIOUS TRADITION 'OD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS ) CANNOT CHANGE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS ) CAN AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
$O -ORE OF 7HAT 7ORKS )N CONTRAST TO PROBLEM FOCUSED APPROACHES TO CHANGE THE !PPRECIATIVE )NQUIRY APPROACH SAYS THAT YOU WILL GET MORE SUSTAINABLE CHANGES IF YOU CONCENTRATE ON DOING MORE OF WHAT IS WORKING IN YOUR LIFE )T IS EASIER TO ENVISAGE THE FUTURE YOU WANT WHEN IT IS BASED ON YOUR OWN EXPERIENCES RATHER THAN TRYING TO DREAM IT UP IN ITS ENTIRETY
4)0 -AKE SURE YOUR VISION OF THE FUTURE KEEPS THE GOOD ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE NOW THIS WILL REDUCE YOUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE
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3UMMARY 4HINK 0OSITIVELY ! NEGATIVE APPROACH TO LIFE OR LACK OF SELF CONlDENCE DOES MORE THAN JUST MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF )T CAN ALSO STOP YOU FROM TAKING THE POSITIVE STEPS YOU NEED IN ORDER TO REACH YOUR GOALS 4O GET WHERE YOU WANT TO GO YOU MUST LEARN TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE APPROACH IT WITH CONlDENCE AND MAKE THE MOST OF THE OPPORTUNITIES YOU lND
0LAN OF !CTION
4AKE 2ESPONSIBILITY
$EVELOP 9OUR 0ERSONAL 0OWER
4REAT PAST EXPERIENCES AS OPPORTUNITIES TO LEARN AND IMPROVE
0RACTICE PERIPHERAL VISION AS AN AID TO STAYING CALM IN STRESSFUL SITUATIONS
!CTIVELY CHOOSE TO MAKE DECISIONS RATHER THAN LETTING YOURSELF BE PUSHED PASSIVELY INTO SITUATIONS
,EARN HOW TO ADJUST YOUR POSTURE IN ORDER TO LOCATE YOUR CENTER AND INCREASE YOUR PERSONAL PRESENCE
&OCUS ON THE PRESENT AND DECIDE WHAT YOUD LIKE TO DO DIFFERENTLY IN THE FUTURE
&IND A COMFORTABLE PLACE YOU CAN GO TO TAKE REFUGE AND RECHARGE
) 4 3 5 0 4 / 9/ 5
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%NLIST 9OUR 5NCONSCIOUS
,OOK AT 9OUR ,IFE !PPRECIATIVELY
2ECOGNIZE WHERE YOUR FEELINGS AND INSTINCTS WANT TO TAKE YOU
0AY ATTENTION TO WHAT IS WORKING WELL IN YOUR LIFE AND IDENTIFY YOUR STRENGTHS
)DENTIFY WHAT MOTIVATES YOU AND USE THIS TO GIVE YOURSELF FOCUS
!CCEPT AND MAKE THE MOST OF THOSE THINGS THAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE
&OCUS ON MOVING TOWARD WHAT YOU WANT RATHER THAN TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM THINGS THAT YOU DONT WANT
#ONCENTRATE ON DOING MORE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WORK WELL IN YOUR LIFE
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$EVELOP 9OUR 3ELF !WARENESS 4HE MORE CONSCIOUS YOU ARE OF THE WAYS IN WHICH YOU THINK AND BEHAVE THE EASIER YOU WILL lND IT TO IDENTIFY ELEMENTS THAT CALL FOR CHANGE $EVELOPING YOUR SELF AWARENESS IS A POWERFUL AID TO ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS
,ISTEN TO 7HAT 9OU 3AY h)TS A JUNGLE OUT THEREv h)VE PUT THAT BEHIND MEv 4HESE ARE METAPHORS A COMMON WAY TO EXPRESS THINGS 7HEN SOMEONE SAYS h)M IN A BAD RELATIONSHIP v THEY ARE TALKING AS IF THE RELATIONSHIP IS SOME KIND OF CONTAINER )F THEY WERE SPEAKING LITERALLY THEY WOULD SAY SOMETHING LIKE h) AM RELATING BADLY TO THIS OTHER PERSONv 4HE IMPLICATIONS OF THE METAPHORTHAT THE RELATIONSHIP HAS SOME KIND OF EXISTENCE OF ITS OWN OUTSIDE OF THE SPEAKERARE DIFFERENT FROM THOSE OF THE SECOND STATEMENT )N THE lRST CASE MINUTE ITS AS IF THERES NOTHING THE PERSON CAN DO ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP IN THE SECOND 4O MAKE SENSE OF AN CASE THE SPEAKER CAN DECIDE UNFAMILIAR SITUATION FAST lND A POSITIVE METAPHOR FOR TO MAKE CHANGES IN THE WAY IT BEFORE YOU ACT THEY ARE RELATING
&)8
4HIS GIVES YOU THE RIGHT MENTAL ATTITUDE TO lND A WAY THROUGH TO A SOLUTION L
4HINK OF WIDE OPEN METAPHORS
A DOOR OPENING A BROAD SWEEP OF LANDSCAPERATHER THAN SMALL ENCLOSED ONES L
7HEN YOU CAN THINK WHAT
SOMETHING UNFAMILIAR IS LIKE YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH IT L
4HEN COME BACK TO THE SITUATION AND CALMLY THINK IT THROUGH
%XPRESS 9OURSELF /UR EMOTIONAL STATE FROM MOMENT TO MOMENT IS A RESPONSE NOT JUST TO EXTERNAL EVENTS BUT TO OUR INTERNAL WORLDTHE MEMORIES THAT mEETINGLY COME TO MIND AND OUR IMAGES OF WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE 4HE METAPHORS YOU USE WILL SUBTLY AFFECT HOW YOU FEEL AND ANY METAPHORS THAT YOU USE HABITUALLY WILL SHAPE BOTH THE WAY YOU THINK AND
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THINK
3-!24 IF YOU FEEL YOUR LIFE IS IN A RUT AND YOU CANNOT lND A WAY TO PROGRESS USE METAPHOR TO HELP YOU THINK CREATIVELY &IND A METAPHOR FOR WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW AND DEVELOP IT TO SEE HOW YOU MIGHT MOVE ON ! JOURNEY IS A UNIVERSAL METAPHOR FOR LIFE THAT ANYONE CAN RELATE TO GOALS ARE DESTINATIONS CHALLENGES ARE OBSTACLES ALONG THE WAY AND SO ON 9OU COULD ASK YOURSELF IF YOUR LIFE WERE LIKE A JOURNEY WHAT KIND OF JOURNEY WOULD IT BE 9OU CAN WRITE YOUR ANSWER OR DISCUSS IT WITH SOMEONE ELSE 4HE ANSWERS CAN BE VERY REVEALING ! LIFE THAT IS LIKE A TRAIN JOURNEY THAT DOES NOT STOP AT THE RIGHT STATION FOR EXAMPLE MAY REVEAL THAT YOU NEED TO PAY MORE ATTENTION AND TO TAKE MORE CONTROL OF YOUR DIRECTION
YOUR MOOD 7HAT IMAGES DO YOUR HABITUAL METAPHORS EVOKE $O YOU WORK WITH SOMEONE WHO IS hA PAINv )S YOUR FAMILY LIFE hA NIGHTMAREv /R IS EVERYTHING hRUNNING SMOOTHLYv )F YOU USE UNPLEASANT IMAGES YOU ARE EVOKING MATCHING EMOTIONS IN YOUR LISTENERSINCLUDING YOURSELF
2ECOGNIZE 9OUR h3ELFv /NE OF THE MOST COMMON YET LEAST RECOGNIZED METAPHORS IS THE hSELFv 7E TALK ABOUT THE SELF AS IF IT IS A LAZY SERVANT h)M lNDING IT HARD TO MOTIVATE MYSELFv OR AN UNRULY CHILD h) HAVE NO SELF DISCIPLINEv 4HIS DISTANCES YOU FROM THE FACT THAT THERE IS JUST THE ONE PERSON THEREYOU 2EMEMBER THAT WHATEVER YOU DO OR DONT DO IS YOUR CHOICE AND YOUR RESPONSIBILITY
4)0 )F YOU lND YOURSELF USING NEGATIVE METAPHORS ASK YOURSELF h7HAT ELSE IS THIS SITUATION LIKE (OW ELSE COULD ) DESCRIBE IT v
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#HART 9OUR 0ERSONAL (IGHS AND ,OWS ()'( )-0!#4
.%'!4)6% )-0!#4
s 7INNING A DIPLOMA s %ARNING A DEGREE IN A SUBJECT ) LOVED BUT FOUND CHALLENGING s &INALLY GETTING THE RIGHT MARKETING JOB s 4HE BIRTHS OF MY CHILDREN s -Y PROMOTION LAST YEAR
s &AILING MY DRIVING TEST s 3PENDING TWO YEARS IN A JOB ) DISLIKED s "EING PASSED OVER FOR THE POSITION IN .EW 9ORK s -Y DIVORCE s -Y POOR RECORD IN SALES
#HART THE (IGHS AND ,OWS OF 9OUR ,IFE !NOTHER WAY OF VIEWING YOUR LIFE IS TO LIST HIGH AND LOW POINTS A BRIEF EXAMPLE IS SHOWN ABOVE 7HEN YOU HAVE COMPLETED YOUR LIST LOOK BACK OVER IT .OTICE HOW EACH SIGNIlCANT EXPERIENCE IN YOUR LIFE HAS HELPED TO MAKE YOU THE PERSON YOU ARE TODAY &IRST TAKE CREDIT FOR MAKING THE HIGH POINTS HAPPEN !SK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS s (OW DID ) CONTRIBUTE TO THAT BEING A HIGH POINT s 7HAT WAS ) DOING RIGHT
,EARN FROM THE ,OW 0OINTS 2EMEMBER THAT THERE IS SOMETHING POSITIVE TO LEARN FROM THE WORST EXPERIENCES EVEN IF IT IS ONLY HOW TO PREVENT A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE FROM HAPPENING AGAIN &ACING ADVERSITY DEVELOPS YOUR CHARACTERIF YOU CHOOSE TO LEARN FROM IT !SK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS s 7HAT POSITIVE THINGS HAVE ) LEARNED FROM THAT EXPERIENCE s )N WHAT WAYS HAS THIS MADE ME A STRONGERWISERMORE COMPASSIONATE PERSON )MAGINE THAT YOUR LIFE IS BEING MADE INTO A MOVIE 7HICH EPISODES WOULD THE DIRECTOR EMPHASIZE TO MAKE AN INSPIRING STORY 7HICH EPISODES WOULD BE SELECTED IF IT WAS A FEEL GOOD COMEDY
) 4 3 5 0 4 / 9/ 5
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+EEP A *OURNAL !S WELL AS REVIEWING YOUR LIFE WITH THE BENElT OF HINDSIGHT YOU CAN LEARN FROM AS IT UNFOLDS BY REmECTING ON IT EACH DAY 7RITING YOUR THOUGHTS DOWN HELPS YOU DETACH YOURSELF FROM THEM AS WELL AS TEACHING YOU MORE ABOUT YOURSELF 2E READING PAST ENTRIES EVEN COMPARATIVELY RECENT ONES WRITTEN JUST A MONTH OR TWO AGO WILL SHOW YOU HOW MUCH YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE INmUENCES HOW YOU THINK AND WHAT YOU WRITE 4EN MINUTES OF WRITING A DAY IS ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU USEFUL RESULTS IT BECOMES EFFORTLESS ONCE YOU GET INTO THE HABIT 7RITE WHATEVER YOU THINK WITHOUT ANALYZING IT OR PRE PLANNING WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY &IND THE TIME OF DAY THAT WORKS BEST FOR YOU &IRST THING IN THE MORNING BEFORE YOUR MIND GETS INVOLVED IN THE DAYS DISTRACTIONS WHEN YOU COME HOME FROM WORK TO DRAW A LINE BETWEEN WORK AND LEISURE AND LAST THING AT NIGHT ARE ALL POPULAR CHOICES ACCORDING TO TASTE
4UESDAY !PRIL T FEEL THIS MORNING MADE I ! WONDERFUL SUNRISE D HAVE TO BE UP SO EARLY AN PARTICULARLY INSPIRING E DAY AHEAD TIME TO FOCUS ON TH ATION IN FULL E WITH THE REORGANIZ 4HE OFlCE WAS TENS NABLE AND ANAGER SEEMS REASO SWING BUT THE NEW M IN TRICKY OOD AT COMPROMISE IS TURNING OUT TO BE G SITUATIONS CE IS GOING TO THE .EW 9ORK OFl 0LANNING FOR THE TRIP ERSEEING EN GIVEN THE JOB OF OV SMOOTHLY AND )VE BE NOT TO GET DELEGATES )M TRYING THE SCHEDULE FOR THE ONT SINCE ) KNOW THAT ) D TOO NERVOUS ABOUT IT HEN )M TENSE PERFORM AT MY BEST W
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$ECIDE 7HATS )MPORTANT
4O HARNESS THE POSITIVE POWER OF hTOWARDv MOTIVATION YOU NEED TO BE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT 7HEN YOU ARE BUSY DEALING WITH THE EVER INCREASING DEMANDS OF EVERYDAY LIFE IT IS EASY TO GET DISTRACTED FROM GIVING YOUR OWN NEEDS AND WISHES THE ATTENTION THEY DESERVE 4HIS SECTION IS ABOUT FOCUSING ON WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO YOU )T SHOWS YOU s (OW TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN hURGENTv AND hIMPORTANTv s (OW TO CLARIFY YOUR VALUES s (OW TO CHECK FOR AND RESOLVE INNER CONmICTS AND POTENTIAL SELF SABOTAGE
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,OOK !HEAD $O YOU LIVE FOR THE MOMENT OR IS YOUR LIFE PLANNED OUT IN DETAIL FROM NOW UNTIL BEYOND RETIREMENT 0ROBABLY YOU FALL SOMEWHERE BETWEEN THE TWO 9OU NEED TO LOOK AT HOW TO MAKE A VISION OF THE FUTURE WORK FOR YOU
7HERE )S 9OUR 4IME (ORIZON )F YOU OWN A BUSINESS THE DISCIPLINE OF HAVING TO CREATE A BUSINESS PLAN MAY ALREADY HAVE FORCED YOU TO MAKE PLANS BEYOND YOUR NATURAL TIME HORIZON )N OUR PERSONAL LIVES MOST OF US COULD BENElT FROM GIVING SOME SUSTAINED ATTENTION TO THE LONGER TERM ,OOKING FARTHER AHEAD ALLOWS YOU TO SIDESTEP SOME OF THE NASTY SURPRISES THAT LIFE CAN THROW AT YOU AND MEANS THAT YOU SPEND LESS TIME IN hlRElGHTINGv MODE TRYING TO DEAL WITH UNEXPECTED EVENTS
7ORK TOWARD 9OUR 'OALS )F IT IS NOT EASY TO THINK OF YOUR GOALS FOR SIX YEARS AHEAD THIS IS VALUABLE INFORMATION IN ITSELF 4REAT IT AS A SIGN THAT IT IS WORTH SPENDING SOME TIME DECIDING WHAT YOU WANT IN THE FUTURE 2EMEMBER THAT THIS IS JUST A STARTING POINT 9OU CAN ADD TO YOUR GOALS AS MORE IDEAS COME TO YOU 9OU MAY lND THAT YOU GET CLEARER ABOUT YOUR VISION FOR THE FUTURE AS YOU COMPLETE THE EXERCISES IN THE NEXT FEW PAGES 4HEY WILL HELP YOU CLARIFY YOUR VALUES $ONT BE SURPRISED IF YOUR GOALS CHANGE ALTOGETHER OR RADICALLY EXPAND AS YOU RAISE YOUR SIGHTS AND DISCOVER MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT
,ONG VERSUS 3HORT TERM 6IEWS ()'( )-0!#4
.%'!4)6% )-0!#4
4AKING A LONG TERM VIEW L %NABLES PROACTIVE DECISIONS L 7ORKS WITH hTOWARDv MOTIVATION L )S DRIVEN BY POSSIBILITY L /FFERS CHOICE
4AKING A SHORT TERM VIEW L %NSURES REACTIVE BEHAVIOR L 7ORKS WITH hAWAY FROMv MOTIVATION L )S DRIVEN BY NECESSITY L #OMPELS YOU TO ACT
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t
4%#(.)15%3 TO PRACTICE
4O ENCOURAGE YOURSELF TO FOCUS BEYOND YOUR EVERYDAY CONCERNS HOWEVER PRESSING TAKE TEN MINUTES TO ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS AND WRITE DOWN YOUR ANSWERS 4HEY WILL HELP YOU TO GAIN A BROAD OVERVIEW OF YOUR SITUATION 7HAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR SIX YEARS FROM NOW
7HAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR THREE YEARS FROM NOW 7HAT ARE YOUR GOALS FOR ONE YEAR FROM NOW )T IS BEST TO START WITH YOUR SIX YEAR GOALS BECAUSE THE MEDIUM TERM AND SHORTER TERM GOALS WILL OFTEN BE STEPPING STONES ON THE WAY TO YOUR LONG TERM DESTINATION
0LACE )MPORTANT OVER 5RGENT 3TEPHEN #OVEY THE WELL KNOWN AUTHOR ON BUSINESS AND TIME MANAGEMENT DRAWS A DISTINCTION BETWEEN TASKS THAT DEMAND TO BE DONE IMMEDIATELY AND TASKS THAT ARE IMPORTANT (E POINTS OUT THAT THE IMPORTANT TASKS OFTEN GET PUSHED TO THE BACK OF THE LINE BECAUSE WE ARE TOO BUSY DEALING WITH THE URGENT ONESEVEN THOSE THAT ARE NOT IMPORTANT 4HE IMPORTANT TASKS OFTEN ONLY GET DONE IN A MAD SCRAMBLE WHEN THEY BECOME URGENT BECAUSE A DEADLINE IS LOOMING 4HE KEY IS TO KNOW WHAT IS IMPORTANT AND TO STAY FOCUSED ON IT /NCE YOU HAVE SOME MEANINGFUL LONG TERM GOALS TO WORK TOWARD THE STEPS THAT WILL GET YOU THERE BECOME IMPORTANT AND IT IS EASIER TO PRIORITIZE YOUR TIME 4ACKLING THE IMPORTANT TASKS lRST WILL INCREASE YOUR SENSE OF CONTROL OVER YOUR WORKLOAD REDUCE YOUR STRESS LEVELS ANDMOST IMPORTANT OF ALLENSURE THAT YOU ACCOMPLISH MUCH MORE
4)0 !SK YOURSELF h7HAT AM ) PUTTING OFF RIGHT
NOW vAND DO IT IMMEDIATELY WITHOUT CONDUCTING ANY MORE INTERNAL WILL ) WONT ) DEBATES
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+NOW 9OUR 6ALUES 9OUR VALUES GIVE YOU MOTIVATION FOR YOUR ACTIONS &OLLOW THE NUMBERED STAGES IN THIS SECTION TO ESTABLISH WHICH VALUES ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU AND ENSURE THAT YOU ARE CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE WORKING TOWARD
9OUR 0ERSONAL 3CALE OF 6ALUES 9OUR VALUES ARE ALSO YOUR CRITERIA FOR JUDGING IF SOMETHING IS RIGHT OR WRONG 4HEY GUIDE YOUR DECISIONS AND GIVE MEANING TO YOUR LIFE 4HIS GUIDANCE OPERATES AT A MORE OR LESS UNCONSCIOUS LEVEL YOU DONT NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT /NCE YOU BECOME AWARE OF YOUR VALUES YOU CAN USE THEM AS A CHECKLIST TO EVALUATE ANY CHOICES YOU ARE OFFERED
&IND 9OUR 6ALUES
46_ED245_US 46 *,U;:(*+U9COAU*,
&IRST lND YOUR VALUES FOR A PARTICULAR AREA OF YOUR LIFE
4HEN ESTABLISH WHICH OF THESE VALUES ARE MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU
#HECK FOR CLASHES BETWEEN CONmICTING VALUES AND RESOLVE THEM
#HECK FOR hAWAY FROMv MOTIVATION IN THE lNAL SET OF VALUES
(OW 6ALUES /RIGINATE 9OU ACQUIRE YOUR VALUES AS YOU GROW UP FROM A VARIETY OF INmUENCES AROUND YOU THEY MIGHT INCLUDE YOUR PARENTS YOUR PEERS OR THE POPULAR CULTURE OF YOUR CHILDHOOD AND YOUTH /VER TIME IN ADULTHOOD YOU WILL ALSO lND THAT YOU MODIFY YOUR VALUES IN THE LIGHT OF THE CONCLUSIONS YOU DRAW FOR YOURSELF FROM THE EVENTS OF YOUR LIFE 6ALUES ARE ABSTRACT CONCEPTS LIKE FUN INTEGRITY LEARNING OR SECURITY SO YOU CAN SATISFY THEM IN MANY DIFFERENT WAYS 5SE THE FOUR NUMBERED STAGES SHOWN IN OUTLINE ON THE LEFT AND EXPANDED ON THE FOLLOWING PAGES TO IDENTIFY AND ORGANIZE YOUR VALUES
$ % #) $ % 7 ( !4 3 ) - 0 / 2 4! . 4
31/7/06 4:57:25 pm ''%*%&,,0).0'(fc
'ET THE "EST FROM THE 0ROCESS %LICITING YOUR VALUES IS A SIMPLE YET POWERFUL PROCESSUSE THESE TIPS TO MAKE IT MORE REVEALING )T MAY BE EASIER FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO ASK YOU THE QUESTIONS INSTEAD OF ASKING THEM OF YOURSELF
6ALUES SHOULD BE ABSTRACT )F YOU REACH A hCONCRETEv ANSWER LIKE hA GOOD COMPANY CARv AS A CAREER VALUE ASK AGAIN h7HATS IMPORTANT ABOUT THAT v UNTIL YOU REACH AN ABSTRACT %VEN WHEN YOU THINK YOU HAVE RUN OUT OF ANSWERS ASKING h7HATS IMPORTANT ABOUT AREA v WILL OFTEN UNEARTH IMPORTANT VALUES THAT YOU WERE LESS CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF 4HE MORE HONEST YOU ARE WITH YOURSELF THE MORE VALUABLE YOUR LIST WILL BE TO YOU )F YOUR VALUES LIST INCLUDES A WORD LIKE hSATISFACTION v hFULlLLMENT v OR hCONTENTMENT v CHECK WHAT THAT WORD MEANS TO YOU )F IT IS WHAT YOU WOULD GET IF ALL THE OTHER VALUES ON THE LIST WERE PRESENT YOU CAN SAFELY TAKE IT OUT
&IND 9OUR 6ALUES FOR A 3PECIlC !REA 4HE lRST STEP IS TO THINK OF THE AREA OF YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WANT TO CHANGE lRST 7HEN YOU HAVE DECIDED WHAT IT IS ASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS s 7HAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME ABOUT AREA 7RITE DOWN THE IMMEDIATE ANSWER THAT COMES TO MIND 4HEN CONTINUE TO ASK s 7HAT ELSE IS IMPORTANT TO ME ABOUT AREA 9OU WILL PROBABLY END UP WITH A LIST OF AROUND SEVEN TO TEN POINTS OF IMPORTANCE RELATING TO THAT AREAALTHOUGH IT MAY BE LESS AND IT MAY BE MORE 4HESE POINTS ARE THE VALUES THAT YOU HOLD FOR THAT )TS NOT HARD TO MAKE DECISIONS WHEN YOU KNOW AREA OF YOUR LIFE +EEP A WHAT YOUR VALUES ARE NOTE OF THEM AND REVISIT THEM IF YOU NEED TO
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w 2OY $ISNEY
+ . / 7 9/ 5 2 6! , 5 % 3
31/7/06 4:57:26 pm ''%*%&,,0).0')fc
%STABLISH 9OUR -OST )MPORTANT 6ALUES 3OME VALUES WILL BE MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN OTHERS 4HE MOST IMPORTANT VALUES WILL BE THE ONES THAT HAVE THE MOST SAY IN HOW YOU USE YOUR TIME SO THE NEXT STEP IN CLARIFYING YOUR PRIORITIES FOR YOUR CHOSEN AREA WILL BE TO DISCOVER YOUR VALUES HIERARCHY 4HE lRST VALUE THAT CAME TO MIND IN THE PREVIOUS EXERCISE MAY NOT BE THE MOST IMPORTANT )N FACT SOME OF THE hSUBMERGEDv VALUES THAT CAME AT THE END OF THE LIST MAY BE THE ONES THAT TURN OUT TO BE MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU %LICITING YOUR VALUES HIERARCHY IS SIMPLE *UST TAKE YOUR LIST OF VALUES FOR A GIVEN AREA AND ASK YOURSELF s )F ) COULD ONLY HAVE ONE OF THESE VALUES IN AREA WHICH ONE WOULD IT HAVE TO BE 7HEN YOU HAVE IDENTIlED THAT VALUE ASK s )F ) COULD ONLY HAVE ONE MORE WHICH ONE WOULD IT BE AND SO ON UNTIL YOU HAVE ALL THE VALUES IN ORDER ,OOK AT THE EXAMPLE BELOW USING VALUES FOR h7ORK AND #AREERv
48_ED245_US 48 *.U;:(*+U9COAU*.
2EVISED PRIORITY ORDE )NTEGRITY
)NITIAL ,IST %NJOYMENT
,EARNING
3ECURITY
0EOPLE
2ECOGNITION
-ONEY
2ESPECT
-AKING A DIFFERENCE
)NTEGRITY
-AKING A DIFFERENCE
-ONEY
%NJOYMENT
3ECURITY
0EOPLE
2ECOGNITION 2ESPECT
,EARNING
R
$ % #) $ % 7 ( !4 3 ) - 0 / 2 4! . 4
31/7/06 4:57:27 pm ''%*%&,,0).0'+fc
$ECIDING BETWEEN 6ALUES )F ITS HARD TO DECIDE WHICH IS THE MORE IMPORTANT OF TWO VALUES USE THIS METHOD
9OU CAN HAVE EITHER ONE VALUE OR THE OTHER BUT NOT BOTH 7HICH DOES IT HAVE TO BE
9OU MAY lND THAT A VALUE IN YOUR INITIAL LIST TURNS OUT TO BE THE SAME AS OR A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT ASPECT OF ANOTHER VALUE )F THIS HAPPENS MERGE THEMSO RESPECT AND RECOGNITION MIGHT BECOME RESPECTRECOGNITION 9OU CAN WRITE THE VALUES ON STICKY NOTES TO MAKE IT EASIER TO REORDER THEMIT ALSO MAKES THE PROCESS MORE PHYSICALLY INTERACTIVE SO IT MAY GIVE YOU A DEEPER CONNECTION WITH IT
-ONEY AS A 6ALUE )F MONEY COMES OUT AT THE TOP OF THE LIST YOU MAY NEED TO DO SOME ADDITIONAL WORK ON YOUR LIST )DEALLY MONEY WOULD BE A hMEANSv VALUE ONE THAT IS USEFUL BECAUSE HAVING IT HELPS TO FULlLL ABSTRACT hENDSv VALUES &OR EXAMPLE HAVING MONEY MIGHT ALLOW YOU TO HAVE MORE SECURITY OR FREEDOM -ONEY DOES NOT MAKE A GOOD hENDSv VALUE )F SOMEONE HAS MONEY AT THE TOP OF THEIR VALUES LIST THEY COULD END UP WITH A LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY BUT lND THAT IT MEANS NOTHING TO THEM
+EEP 9OUR 0RIORITIES &LEXIBLE 4HE VALUES THAT ARE MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU MAY CHANGE OVER TIME AS YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES CHANGE )F SOMEONE IS HEAVILY IN DEBT MONEY MAY BE HIGH ON THEIR SCALE OF VALUES /NCE THEY HAVE A COMFORTABLE AMOUNT IN THE BANK MONEY MIGHT BE LESS IMPORTANT AND OTHER VALUES MOVE UP THE LIST 4HE VALUES HIERARCHY THAT YOU ELICITED IN 3TAGE IS A SNAPSHOT OF WHERE YOU ARE AT THIS POINT IN TIME
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#HECK FOR #LASHES BETWEEN 6ALUES #ONmICTING VALUES FOR EXAMPLE ADVENTURE VERSUS SECURITY IN YOUR CAREER CAN MAKE YOU FEEL TORN BETWEEN THEM (ERES HOW TO CHECK THAT YOUR VALUES ARE COMPATIBLE s 4AKE THE LOWEST VALUE ON YOUR PRIORITIZED LIST AND CHECK IT AGAINST THE ONE ABOVE IT #AN YOU HAVE BOTH )F YOU FEEL THAT THE TWO VALUES CANNOT COEXIST MARK AN 8 AT THE CLASH #ONTINUE TO CHECK THE LOWEST VALUE AGAINST EVERY OTHER VALUE ALL THE WAY UP THE LIST s 4HEN TAKE THE NEXT LOWEST VALUE AND CHECK IT AGAINST EACH VALUE ABOVE IT IN TURN s #ONTINUE WITH THE NEXT LOWEST VALUE UNTIL YOU HAVE CHECKED EACH VALUE AGAINST ALL THE VALUES ABOVE IT
2EAD 9OUR #HART )N THE SAMPLE CHART BELOW THE SUBJECT FEELS THAT hENJOYMENTv AND hMONEY v AND hSECURITYv AND hRECOGNITIONv ARE IN CONmICT WITH EACH OTHER 4HEY NEED TO ASK MORE QUESTIONS TO RESOLVE HOW THE CLASHING VALUES CAN BE MET OR TO DECIDE ON THE MORE IMPORTANT OF THE TWO
0OTENTIAL 6ALUES #LASHES
)NTEGRITY -AKING A -ONEY %NJOYMENT 3ECURITY 0EOPLE 2ECOGNITION DIFFERENCE
)NTEGRITY
-AKING A DIFFERENCE
-ONEY
%NJOYMENT
3ECURITY
0EOPLE
2ECOGNITION
,EARNING
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7HAT 9OUR !NSWERS 3AY ABOUT -OTIVATION 9/52 !.37%2
7(!4 490% /& -/4)6!4)/.
h"ECAUSE )VE BEEN POOR AND ) DIDNT LIKE ITv
h!WAY FROMv MOTIVATION
h"ECAUSE OF ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS ) COULD DO WITH ITv
h 4OWARDv MOTIVATION
h7ELL YOU NEED MONEYv
#ONCEALED hAWAY FROMv MOTIVATION IF YOU SAY YOU NEED SOMETHING WHAT IS REALLY ON YOUR MIND IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DONT HAVE IT
h)TS BETTER TO HAVE MONEYv
!NOTHER CONCEALED hAWAY FROMv BETTER THAN WHAT 4HAN NOT HAVING IT
h "ECAUSE ) CAN BUY THINGS AND ) CAN USE IT TO BENElT PEOPLE AND IT PROVIDES A SAFETY NETv
-OSTLY hTOWARD v WITH SOME hAWAY FROMv
#HECK FOR h!WAY &ROMv -OTIVATION -OTIVATION CAN BE TOWARD WHAT YOU WANT AWAY FROM WHAT YOU DONT WANT OR A MIXTURE OF THE TWO h!WAY FROMv MOTIVATION USUALLY RUNS OUT BEFORE YOU REACH YOUR GOAL SO YOU MAY lND THAT VALUES THAT ARE MAINLY hAWAY FROMv WILL NOT BE FULlLLED CONSISTENTLY 4HE KEY QUESTION FOR DETECTING THE DIRECTION OF MOTIVATION IN EACH VALUE IS h7HY IS VALUE IMPORTANT v )N THE CHART ABOVE YOU CAN SEE A RANGE OF ANSWERS TO THE QUESTION h7HY IS MONEY IMPORTANT v ALONGSIDE THE MOTIVATION UNDERPINNING EACH ONE !LTHOUGH hWHY v IS NOT A USEFUL QUESTION TO ASK IN A PROBLEM SOLVING SITUATION IT TENDS TO ELICIT EITHER EXCUSES OR JUSTIlCATIONS IT IS A VALUABLE ONE WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO ESTABLISH MOTIVATION 4O ANSWER THE QUESTION YOU HAVE TO ANALYZE THE THINKING UNDERPINNING YOUR ACTIONS AND IT WILL BECOME CLEAR WHAT YOUR MOTIVATION IS
4)0 "ECOME MORE AWARE OF OTHER PEOPLES
MOTIVATION BY NOTICING THE hTOWARDv AND hAWAY FROMv CLUES IN WHAT THEY SAY
51_ED245_US 51 +'U;:(*+U9COAU+'
+ . / 7 9/ 5 2 6! , 5 % 3
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2ESOLVE 6ALUES #ONmICTS )F YOU DISCOVERED THAT TWO OF YOUR VALUES CONmICT WITH ONE ANOTHER THERE ARE SEVERAL POSSIBLE METHODS FOR YOU TO TRY TO WORK TOWARD A RESOLUTION
3ATISFY "OTH 6ALUES !SK YOURSELF WHAT NEEDS TO HAPPEN TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE TO SATISFY BOTH VALUES AT THE SAME TIME 4HEN MAKE IT HAPPEN !LTERNATIVELY TAKE ONE OF THE CLASHING VALUES AND ASK YOURSELF h)F ) HAVE THAT VALUE FULLY WHAT WOULD IT GIVE ME THAT IS EVEN MORE IMPORTANT v 4HIS SHOULD GIVE YOU A HIGHER VALUE !SK THE SAME QUESTION UNTIL YOU CANT GET ANY HIGHER 4HEN DO THE SAME THING WITH THE OTHER VALUE 9OU MAY lND THAT THE HIGHER VALUES ARE MORE COMPATIBLE WITH ONE ANOTHER THAN THE LOWER ONES WERE
-OVING TO h4OWARDv !SK YOURSELF SOME SEARCHING QUESTIONS s )F YOU ARE MAINLY FOCUSED ON WHAT YOU WANT TO GET AWAY FROM OR AVOID WHAT DO YOU WANT INSTEAD OF THAT s )F YOU KNEW THAT YOU WERE COMPLETELY SAFE FROM WHAT YOU WANT TO AVOID AND THERE WAS NO CHANCE OF ITS HAPPENING WHAT WOULD THAT FREE YOU UP TO DO s )F YOUR PRACTICAL AND lNANCIAL NEEDS WOULD BE MET WHATEVER YOU DID WHAT WOULD YOU WANT TO DO
#!3% STUDY 2ECONCILING THE /PTIONS $OING A GOOD JOB AND QUALITY TIME WITH HIS FAMILY ARE BOTH IMPORTANT TO 9UKIO (E FOUND THOUGH THAT STAYING LATE AT WORK WAS EATING INTO HIS FAMILY TIME AND LEFT HIM FEELING RESENTFUL WHILE AT WORK AND ANXIOUS WHILE AT HOME IN NEITHER PLACE WAS HE GIVING HIS BEST
52_ED245_US 52 +(U;:(*+U9COAU+(
s 9UKIO LOOKED AT HIS TIME MANAGEMENT AND MADE SOME EFlCIENCY SAVINGS ENABLING HIM TO GET AWAY FROM WORK EARLIER s 9UKIO LEARNED TO BALANCE TWO CONmICTING REQUIREMENTS !S HE FELT LESS TENSE HIS CREATIVITY AT WORK ACTUALLY IMPROVED
$ % #) $ % 7 ( !4 3 ) - 0 / 2 4! . 4
31/7/06 4:57:33 pm ''%*%&,,0).0('fc
'IVE 9OUR 6ALUES 6OICES 5SE VISUALIZATION TO GIVE YOUR CONmICTING VALUES THEIR OWN VOICES 3TEP OUTSIDE YOURSELF AND SEE HOW THEY NEGOTIATE WITH EACH OTHER "Y OBJECTIFYING YOUR VALUES YOU WILL lND IT EASIER TO ESTABLISH WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO YOU
)MAGINE YOU HAVE ONE OF YOUR VALUES SITTING IN THE PALM OF YOUR HAND 7HAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE 7HAT DOES ITS VOICE SOUND LIKE $O THE SAME WITH THE OTHER VALUE IN THE OTHER HAND !SK ONE OF THE VALUES WHAT IT IS TRYING TO DO FOR YOU AND WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO IT )MAGINE AN ANSWER THAT FEELS RIGHT 2EPEAT THE PROCESS WITH THE OTHER VALUE !SK THE TWO VALUES IF THEY NOW REALIZE THAT THEY BOTH WANT THE BEST FOR YOU !SK EACH VALUE TO TELL THE OTHER WHAT IT NEEDS TO KNOW )MAGINE WHAT THE TWO WOULD LOOK LIKE IF THEY MERGED 7HEN THE VALUES ARE AS CLOSE AS POSSIBLE LET YOUR HANDS RELAX AS YOU TAKE THE VALUES BACK 0ERSONALIZE 9OUR 6ALUES !S THEY 4AKE A LITTLE TIME AND WAYS ACQUIRE THEIR OWN VOICES YOU WILL lND OF FULlLLING BOTH MAY COME IT MUCH EASIER TO ACT AS AN OBJECTIVE MEDIATOR BETWEEN THEM TO YOU
53_ED245_US 53 +)U;:(*+U9COAU+)
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3UMMARY +NOW 9OUR 6ALUES 4HE VALUES THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU THE ABSTRACT CONCEPTS SUCH AS LOVE FRIENDSHIP SECURITY OR RECOGNITION PROVIDE MOTIVATION FOR YOUR ACTIONS AND HELP GUIDE YOUR DECISIONS &OR ANY AREA OF YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WANT TO CHANGE IT IS HELPFUL TO THINK ABOUT THE VALUES THAT INSPIRE YOU IN THAT AREA OF YOUR LIFEAND THE CONmICTS BETWEEN THESE CONCEPTS
0LAN OF !CTION
&IND THE VALUES THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU FOR A PARTICULAR AREA OF YOUR LIFE
%STABLISH WHICH OF THESE VALUES ARE MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU
+NOW 9OUR 6ALUES $O ANY OF THE VALUES EXPRESS A CONCRETE GOAL RATHER THAN AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT
9%3
!SK YOURSELF hWHY IS THIS IMPORTANT TO ME v UNTIL YOU REACH AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT
9%3
-ERGE THE TWO VALUES INTO ONE THAT COMBINES BOTH ASPECTS OF THE VALUE
./
$O ANY OF THE VALUES SEEM THE SAME AS OR VERY SIMILAR TO ANOTHER VALUE ON THE LIST
./ #HECK FOR VALUES THAT ARE ONLY IMPORTANT TO YOU BECAUSE THEY HELP YOU ACHIEVE OTHER VALUES
2EPLACE THESE hMEANSv VALUES WITH THE hENDSv VALUES THAT THEY HELP ACHIEVE
$ % #) $ % 7 ( !4 3 ) - 0 / 2 4! . 4
54_ED245_US 54 7O=IIUF&+*U&++$_dZZ+*
31/7/06 4:57:39 pm '(%*%&,'(0&*0*-fc
#HECK FOR hAWAY FROMv MOTIVATION IN THE lNAL SET OF VALUES
#HECK FOR CLASHES BETWEEN CONmICTING VALUES AND RESOLVE THEM
2ESOLVE 6ALUE #ONmICTS
55_ED245_US 55 7O=IIUF&+*U&++$_dZZ++
6ISUALIZE EACH CONmICTING VALUE AS AN INDIVIDUAL hVOICE v AND ACT AS AN OBJECTIVE MEDIATOR BETWEEN THEM
#AN YOU CHANGE THE SITUATION SO YOU CAN SATISFY BOTH VALUES AT THE SAME TIME
9%3
-AKE THESE CHANGES HAPPEN
./ ,OOK FOR THE HIGHER VALUE THAT IS COMMON TO BOTH AND GET THEM AT THE LEAST TO AGREE TO WORK TOGETHER
-ODIFY THE WORDING OF THE CONmICTING VALUES TO SHOW HOW THEY ARE COMPATIBLE
3 5 - - ! 29 + . / 7 9/ 5 2 6! , 5 % 3
31/7/06 4:57:40 pm '(%*%&,'(0&*0)*fc
#LEAR THE "LOCKS
4HE BIGGEST OBSTACLES TO ACHIEVING OUR GOALS ARE WITHIN OURSELVES 4O SET OUT FOR YOUR GOALS WITH CONlDENCE THAT YOU WILL ACHIEVE THEM YOU lRST NEED TO LET GO OF ANY LIMITING BELIEFS AND CLEAR OUT ANY BLOCKS WITHIN YOURSELF 4HIS SECTION WILL HELP YOU TO s )DENTIFY AND LOOSEN UP LIMITING BELIEFS s 'ET YOURSELF OUT OF A RUT s $EFUSE THE TRIGGERS FOR PROBLEMS s (ANDLE YOUR INNER CRITIC s $EAL WITH DIFlCULT PEOPLE
56_ED245_US 56 +,U;:(*+U9COAU+,
31/7/06 4:57:45 pm ''%*%&,,0).0))fc
57_ED245_US 57 +-U;:(*+U9COAU+-
31/7/06 4:57:46 pm ''%*%&,,0).0)+fc
$EFEAT ,IMITING "ELIEFS !NYTHING YOU BELIEVE THAT HOLDS YOU BACK CAN BE DESCRIBED AS A LIMITING BELIEF )T COULD BE A BELIEF ABOUT YOUR OWN CAPABILITIES ABOUT HOW THE WORLD WORKS OR ABOUT HOW YOU OR OTHER PEOPLE SHOULD BEHAVE
,OOK AT 9OUR "ELIEFS !S A CHILD YOU TAKE YOUR BELIEFS FROM OTHER PEOPLE /NCE YOU HAVE SOME BELIEFS IN PLACE YOU USE THEM AS THE BASIS FOR FORMING NEW BELIEFS !S SOON AS YOU START BASING YOUR BELIEFS ON OTHER BELIEFS RATHER THAN ON THE EVIDENCE OF YOUR SENSES YOU LOSE THE REALITY CHECK THAT WOULD MAKE YOU UPDATE YOUR BELIEFS IN THE LIGHT OF NEW EVIDENCE 7HAT YOU TELL YOURSELF ACTS LIKE A SELF HYPNOTIC SUGGESTIONIT BEGINS TO INmUENCE YOUR VIEW OF REALITY 4HIS /UR LONGEST IS ALL THE MORE INSIDIOUS BECAUSE MOST OF THE TIME YOU ARE NOT HELD BELIEFS CONSCIOUSLY PAYING ATTENTION TO MAY BE THE YOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE SO WHAT IT IS MOST LIMITING SAYING GOES UNCHALLENGED BY YOUR CONSCIOUS MIND
)DENTIFY ,IMITING "ELIEFS "ECOMING AWARE OF BELIEFS THAT YOU lND LIMITING IS THE lRST STEP TO CHANGING THEM 4HEY ARE NOT ALWAYS OBVIOUS BUT THEY USUALLY SHOW UP lRST AT A CONSCIOUS LEVEL AS FEELINGS OF DISCOMFORT IRRITATION OR ANXIETY WHEN THINKING ABOUT A PARTICULAR ISSUE &OR EXAMPLE IF YOURE WORRIED ABOUT PUTTING YOURSELF FORWARD FOR PROMOTION AT WORK YOU COULD SAY OUT LOUD h) CAN DO THAT JOB EASILYv 9OUR IMMEDIATE INNER RESPONSE MIGHT BE h.O ) COULDNT THEYLL SEE THROUGH ME IN A MINUTE) DONT HAVE ENOUGH EXPERIENCE v AND SO ON 3O YOU COULD WRITE DOWN THE THREE LIMITING BELIEFS EXACTLY AS YOU EXPRESSED THEM TO YOURSELF INTERNALLY s ) COULDNT DO THAT JOB s 4HEYLL SEE THROUGH ME s ) DONT HAVE ENOUGH EXPERIENCE
58_ED245_US 58 +.U;:(*+U9COAU+.
#, % ! 2 4 ( % " , / #+ 3
31/7/06 4:57:47 pm ''%*%&,,0).0)-fc
#HECK 9OUR 3ELF 4ALK ).$)#!4/2 7/2$ 7(!4 )4 ).$)#!4%3 !.$ 7(!4 /2 0(2!3% 4/ !3+ 9/523%,&
3HOULD OUGHT TO
) F YOU HAVE RULES FOR HOW PEOPLE hSHOULDv BEHAVE YOU ARE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN THEY DONT LIVE UP TO THESE STANDARDS !SK YOURSELF h7HAT WOULD HAPPEN IF )THEY DONT v
) MUST ) HAVE TO
4 HIS WAY OF THINKING INDICATES THAT YOU FEEL COMPELLED TO DO SOMETHING RATHER THAN WILLINGLY CHOOSING TO DO IT "UT ARE YOU REALLY COMPELLED 4O UNCOVER WHAT IS BEHIND THIS FEELING ASK YOURSELF h7HAT WILL HAPPEN IF ) DONT v
-AKES ME
S IN h3HE MAKES ME ANGRYv 4HIS ABDICATES YOUR ! PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY BY ASSUMING THAT ANOTHER PERSON HAS CONTROL OVER YOUR FEELINGS OR ACTIONS !SK YOURSELF h2EALLY (OW DID WHAT SHE DID OR SAID CAUSE ME TO GET ANGRY v
) CANT
) F THIS MEANS h) CANT DO THIS YET v ASK h7HAT STOPS YOU v )F IT MEANS h) DONT WANT TO v ASK h7HAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU DID v
!LWAYS NEVER EVERYONE NOBODY
4HIS INDICATES A SWEEPING GENERALIZATION TO WHICH THERE WILL USUALLY BE EXCEPTIONS *UST PUT A QUESTION MARK AFTER THE WORD hALWAYS v
4RY
h 4RYv INDICATES THAT YOU ARE DOUBTFUL OR THAT YOU MAY NOT SUCCEED )NSTEAD SAY h) WILLv
#HALLENGE 9OUR "ELIEFS *UST WRITING THE LIMITING BELIEFS DOWN DISTANCES THEM FROM YOU AND STARTS TO LOOSEN THEM UP 3INCE YOU ARE NOW AWARE OF THEM YOU CAN BEGIN TO QUESTION IF THEY ARE REALLY TRUE ,IMITING BELIEFS ARE OFTEN INDICATED BY RECURRING WORDS AND PHRASES IN WHAT WE SAY )F YOU lND YOURSELF USING ANY OF THESE PHRASES IN YOUR INTERNAL DIALOGUE ASK YOURSELF THE INDICATED QUESTION TO UNCOVER THE LIMITING BELIEF AND RECONNECT IT WITH REALITY 7ITH PRACTICE YOU WILL SOON lND THAT THESE PHRASES RING ALARM BELLS FOR YOU AND WARN YOU IF YOU ARE STRAYING INTO NEGATIVE THOUGHT PATTERNS
59_ED245_US 59 +/U;:(*+U9COAU+/
$ % & % !4 , ) - ) 4 ) . ' " % , ) % & 3
31/7/06 4:57:48 pm ''%*%&,,0).0)/fc
,OOSEN ,IMITING "ELIEFS %VEN IF YOU HAVE HELD SOME OF THE BELIEFS THAT LIMIT YOU FOR A VERY LONG TIME YOU CAN STILL LOOSEN THEM COMPARATIVELY EASILY 4RY THE FOLLOWING TECHNIQUES s 4URN THEM INTO QUESTIONS !DD A QUESTION MARK ONTO THE END OF EACH BELIEF AND SAY IT OUT LOUD AS A QUESTION 4HIS INTRODUCES DOUBT AND MAKES YOU COMPARE THE BELIEF WITH YOUR CURRENT REALITYA LOT MAY HAVE HAPPENED SINCE YOU ACQUIRED THE BELIEF ORIGINALLY AND IT MAY NO LONGER BE TRUE )F YOU ARE DOUBTFUL ABOUT YOUR ABILITY TO DO A JOB FOR EXAMPLE SAYING h) DONT HAVE ENOUGH EXPERIENCE v AUTOMATICALLY MAKES YOU START LOOKING FOR EXAMPLES OF RELEVANT EXPERIENCE FROM YOUR WORK HISTORY UP TO NOW s !SK YOURSELF WHERE THE BELIEF CAME FROM !S CHILDREN WE INTERNALIZE THINGS THAT PEOPLE TELL US !T AN EARLY AGE WE CANT USE LOGIC TO CHECK THE VALIDITY OF WHAT WE ARE TOLD SO WE JUST ACCEPT IT 4HINK ABOUT WHEN YOU lRST ACQUIRED THAT LIMITING BELIEFIT MAY BE OLDER THAN YOU THINKAND WHO YOU GOT IT FROM .OW THAT YOU HAVE YOUR ADULT WISDOM AND POWERS OF LOGIC WOULD YOU STILL CHOOSE TO TAKE THAT BELIEF ON BOARD s !SK YOURSELF WHAT THE BELIEF IS COSTING YOU )F YOU GO ON BELIEVING THIS WHAT WILL THE NEGATIVE EFFECT BE )F YOU CHOOSE TO BELIEVE SOMETHING MORE EMPOWERING WHAT WILL YOU GAIN
THINK
3-!24 "Y REFORMULATING THE LIMITING BELIEF AS AN ASPIRATIONAL QUESTION YOU CAN TURN IT AROUND )F YOU PUT THE WORDS h(OW CAN )xv IN FRONT OF THE PROBLEMATIC BELIEF YOU TURN IT INTO A DIRECTION FOR ACTION &OR EXAMPLE YOU CAN REPLACE h) DONT HAVE THE TIMEv WITH h(OW CAN ) lND THE TIME v
#, % ! 2 4 ( % " , / #+ 3
60_ED245_US 60 &+,#&-)#;:(*+#7Y^_[l[=eWbi$_dZZ,&
31/7/06 4:57:50 pm '(%*%&,(0*/0(*fc
2EHEARSING .EW "ELIEFS )F SIMPLY INSTALLING A NEW SET OF BELIEFS SEEMS TOO HARD TO YOU TRY THEM OUT BY MENTALLY REHEARSING HOW THEY WILL FEEL )T WILL HELP YOU REALIZE THAT IT IS POSSIBLE TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK AND ACT
)DENTIFY WHAT YOU WOULD CHOOSE TO BELIEVE INSTEAD OF THE LIMITING BELIEF
2UN A MENTAL MOVIE IN WHICH YOU SEE YOURSELF ACTING FROM THE NEW BELIEF IN A SITUATION WHERE IT IS APPROPRIATE
2EPEAT THE MOVIE MAKING IT MORE VIVID EACH TIME UNTIL IT STARTS TO LOOK CONVINCING
-AKE ANY ADJUSTMENTS YOU NEED TO 3TEP INTO THE hYOUv IN THE MOVIE AND RUN IT AGAIN SO THAT YOU CAN FEEL WHAT IT IS LIKE TO ACT FROM THE NEW BELIEF .OTICE HOW THINGS TURN OUT DIFFERENTLY 4RY OUT ACTING ON YOUR NEW BELIEF IN A NON THREATENING REAL LIFE SITUATION AND NOTICE HOW THINGS TURN OUT DIFFERENTLY
s !SK YOURSELF WHAT THE BELIEF IS TRYING TO DO FOR YOU 7HAT IS THE POSITIVE INTENTION BEHIND THAT BELIEF &OR EXAMPLE IT MAY BE TRYING TO PRESERVE YOU FROM DISAPPOINTMENT )S IT ACHIEVING IT 4RY TO THINK OF WAYS IN WHICH YOU CAN LET GO OF THE BELIEF BUT ACHIEVE THE POSITIVE OUTCOME IT WAS TRYING TO GET FOR YOU s !SK YOURSELF IF EVERYONE BELIEVES THE SAME THING $OES EVERYONE YOU KNOW SHARE THIS LIMITING BELIEF )F YOU CAN THINK OF SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT WHAT ENABLES THEM TO BELIEVE SOMETHING DIFFERENT )F THEY CAN DO IT THEN YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO TOO
4)0 ,OOK BACK OVER YOUR LIFE HISTORY FOR REPEATING PATTERNS 7HEN YOU LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES YOU DONT HAVE TO REPEAT THEM
61_ED245_US 61 &+,#&-)#;:(*+#7Y^_[l[=eWbi$_dZZ,'
$ % & % !4 , ) - ) 4 ) . ' " % , ) % & 3
31/7/06 4:57:51 pm '(%*%&,(0*.0''fc
$EAL WITH 0ROBLEMS !NY PROBLEM HAS A THREE PART STRUCTURE WHICH GIVES YOU THREE WAYS TO TACKLE IT CHANGE THE SITUATION CHANGE HOW YOU INTERPRET IT OR CHANGE YOUR RESPONSE TO IT %VEN IF THE lRST IS NOT POSSIBLE THE OTHER TWO ALWAYS ARE
3TAY 2ELAXED AND 0OSITIVE 3OMETIMES YOUR MINDS ATTEMPTS TO SOLVE A PROBLEM CAN ACTUALLY HELP TO KEEP THE PROBLEM IN PLACE &OR EXAMPLE SOMEONE WHO HAS SUFFERED A BAD RELATIONSHIP BREAKUP MAY lND THEMSELVES PULLING BACK EMOTIONALLY WHEN THEIR NEW PARTNER GETS TOO SERIOUS 4HIS COULD RESULT IN THE BREAKUP OF THE CURRENT RELATIONSHIPTHE VERY THING THEY WERE TRYING TO AVOID 4RYING TO SOLVE A PROBLEM BY CONTINUALLY TURNING IT OVER IN YOUR MIND MAY EMBED IT DEEPER 4HE hSOLUTION FOCUSv APPROACH IN THERAPY SUGGESTS A DIFFERENT METHOD IF YOU FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION ON WHAT LIFE WOULD BE LIKE IF THE PROBLEM WERE SOLVED YOU WILL BE MORE LIKELY TO THINK AND ACT IN WAYS THAT LEAVE THE PROBLEM BEHIND
&OCUS ON THE 3OLUTION
62_ED245_US 62 ,(U;:(*+U9COAU,(
0ROBLEM !CTION 3OLUTION
7HAT IS )MPORTANT )F YOU LET THE PROBLEM OCCUPY ALL THE FOREGROUND YOU CAN HARDLY SEE THE SOLUTION REVERSE THE SCALE AND THE SOLUTION IS CLEAR
3OLUTION !CTION 0ROBLEM
#, % ! 2 4 ( % " , / #+ 3
31/7/06 4:57:52 pm ''%*%&,,0).0*)fc
'ETTING 9OURSELF /UT OF A 2UT 3OMETIMES YOU CAN lND YOURSELF GOING OVER AND OVER YOUR PROBLEMS FEELING LOW IN ENERGY AND TELLING YOURSELF THAT THERE IS NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO )F YOU EVER GET INTO THAT KIND OF RUT HERE ARE SOME TRIED AND TESTED WAYS TO GET YOURSELF OUT OF IT %XERCISE RESEARCH SHOWS THAT REGULAR VIGOROUS EXERCISE PRODUCES BRAIN CHEMICALS THAT HAVE THE EFFECT OF MAKING US FEEL GOOD 0LAN THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO REMEMBER TO SCHEDULE TREATS FOR YOURSELF EVEN WHEN YOU ARE BUSY AND DISTRACTED TO AVOID hEMPTY WEEKENDv SYNDROME )NTERRUPT RECURRING PATTERNS IF YOU ARE GETTING STUCK IN A FAMILIAR PATTERN THAT IS AFFECTING YOUR ENERGY INTERRUPT IT BY DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT 'ET SOME IDEAS BY ASKING YOURSELF 7HAT WOULD MY FAVORITE 46 CHARACTER DO INSTEAD 7HAT IS THE MOST OUT OF CHARACTER THING ) COULD DO 7HAT WOULD A CONCERNED FRIEND ADVISE ME TO DO
5SE THE -IRACLE 1UESTION 3O WHATEVER THE PROBLEM YOU ARE TRYING TO SOLVE ASK YOURSELF THIS QUESTION h)F A MIRACLE WERE TO HAPPEN TONIGHT WHILE ) AM ASLEEP SO THE PROBLEM WAS COMPLETELY SOLVED WHAT IS GOING TO TELL ME THAT THE PROBLEM HAS GONE AWAY WHEN ) WAKE UP TOMORROW v 4HINK AROUND THE ANSWER GIVING IT THE TIME IT DESERVES AND GO INTO AS MUCH DETAIL AS POSSIBLE ON WHAT THE SOLUTION WILL SEEM LIKE AND HOW IT WILL CHANGE THINGS ! GOOD SUPPLEMENTARY BACK UP QUESTION TO GET YOU THINKING ABOUT HOW YOU WILL BE BEHAVING 4HE UNIVERSE IS CHANGE DIFFERENTLY IS h(OW WILL OTHER PEOPLE AROUND ME BE OUR LIFE IS WHAT OUR ABLE TO TELL THAT THIS MIRACLE THOUGHTS MAKE IT
63_ED245_US 63 ,)U;:(*+U9COAU,)
i
i
HAS HAPPENED v
-ARCUS !URELIUS
$ % ! , 7 ) 4 ( 0 2 / " , % - 3
31/7/06 4:57:54 pm ''%*%&,,0).0*+fc
3CALE THE 0ROBLEM 4RY THIS QUESTION WHERE WOULD YOU PLACE THE PROBLEM YOU ARE DEALING WITH ON A SCALE OF TO WHERE IS THE WORST IT HAS EVER BEEN AND IS WHERE YOU WILL BE WHEN THE PROBLEM IS COMPLETELY SOLVED !SSIGNING THE NUMBER ACTIVATES THE LEFT HEMISPHERE OF THE BRAIN WHICH IS MORE ASSOCIATED WITH POSITIVE EMOTIONS THAN THE RIGHT 4O MOVE TOWARD ACTION ASK WHAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF YOU WERE ONE NUMBER ABOVE YOUR CURRENT RATING (OW WOULD YOUR THOUGHTS FEELINGS ACTIONS AND THE OUTSIDE WORLD DIFFER 4HIS WILL HELP YOU TO TAKE THE lRST STEP TOWARD A SOLUTION
5SE 9OUR 4HOUGHTS TO (ELP #OMMON SENSE TELLS US THAT IF WE THINK ABOUT UNPLEASANT THINGS WE FEEL BAD AND IF WE THINK ABOUT PLEASANT THINGS WE FEEL GOOD !S WE HAVE ALREADY SEEN WITH THE TECHNIQUE FOR MAKING THE MOST OF YOUR GOOD MEMORIES THE WAY THAT WE THINK ABOUT THINGS HAS A BIG IMPACT ON THE INTENSITY OF WHAT WE FEEL ABOUT THEM
#!3% STUDY %LIMINATING !NXIETY 0ART OF *OHNS JOB INVOLVED GIVING PRESENTATIONS AND HE GOT VERY NERVOUS ABOUT THEM "EFORE EACH ONE HE WOULD RUN MOVIES IN HIS HEAD WITH THE AIM OF BEING hPREPARED FOR THE WORSTv "ECAUSE THE MOVIES WERE hSHOTv FROM HIS OWN POINT OF VIEW AS PRESENTER HE FELT MORE ANXIOUS THE MORE SCENARIOS HE IMAGINED 7HEN HIS COLLEAGUE SUGGESTED HE TRY VIEWING THE MENTAL MOVIES AS AN OBJECTIVE OBSERVER RATHER THAN A PARTICIPANT HE BECAME MUCH LESS ANXIOUS
64_ED245_US 64 ,*U;:(*+U9COAU,*
s *OHN FOUND THAT A DETACHED POINT OF VIEW DISTANCED HIM FROM UNHELPFUL EMOTIONS s 7ITH PRACTICE HE COULD SEE HIS FUTURE SELF COPING CALMLY WITH MISHAPS AND TOUGH QUESTIONS (IS PRESENTATIONS WENT BETTER BECAUSE HE WAS LESS NERVOUS s (E FOUND HE COULD GET EVEN BETTER RESULTS BY IMAGINING PRESENTATIONS THAT WERE WELL RECEIVED BECAUSE MENTALLY REHEARSING SUCCESS MAKES SUCCESS MORE LIKELY
#, % ! 2 4 ( % " , / #+ 3
31/7/06 4:57:55 pm ''%*%&,,0).0*,fc
t
4%#(.)15%3 TO PRACTICE
4EACH YOURSELF TO DEFUSE THE )S IT THREE DIMENSIONAL OR mAT IMPACT OF A NEGATIVE IMAGE .OW MAKE THE IMAGE SMALLER 4HINK OF A FOOD THAT DISGUSTS AND FARTHER AWAY FROM YOU YOU !S YOU VISUALIZE THE IMAGE WORK ON MAKING IT mAT DIM MAKE A MENTAL NOTE OF HOW MONOCHROME AND STILL INTENSE YOUR FEELING OF DISGUST IS .OTICE HOW INTENSE YOUR .OTICE HOW BIG THE PICTURE IS FEELING OF DISGUST IS NOW 9OU .OTICE HOW COLORFUL IT IS SHOULD lND THAT IT HAS REDUCED )S IT MOVING OR STILL IN STRENGTH
!LTER 9OUR 6IEWPOINT /NE OF THE MOST POWERFUL WAYS TO ALTER THE IMPACT OF A MENTAL IMAGE IS TO CHANGE THE POINT OF VIEW FROM WHICH YOU LOOK AT IT )F YOU ARE VIEWING A MEMORY FROM THE POINT OF VIEW THAT YOU HAD WHEN IT HAPPENED SEEING IT THROUGH YOUR OWN EYES YOU WILL lND THAT YOU REVISIT THE MEMORY EXACTLY AS YOU REMEMBER IT AND WILL PROBABLY ALSO FEEL THE EMOTION THAT GOES WITH THAT MEMORY )F HOWEVER YOU TAKE THE POINT OF VIEW OF AN IMPARTIAL OBSERVER SOMEONE LOOKING AT THE SCENE FROM THE OUTSIDE SO THAT RATHER THAN BEING YOURSELF YOU ARE SEEING AN IMAGE OF YOURSELF YOU WILL lND THAT YOU ARE AUTOMATICALLY MORE DETACHED FROM THE ACCOMPANYING EMOTION 9OU CAN REDUCE THE EMOTION EVEN MORE BY SENDING THE IMAGE FARTHER AWAY IN YOUR PERCEPTUAL SPACE BY DRAINING THE COLOR OUT OF IT AND BY MAKING IT DIMMER BLURRIER OR MORE FADED 0RACTICE THIS WAY OF THINKING REGULARLY SO THAT WHEN YOU REALLY NEED TO SWITCH YOUR VIEWPOINT YOU CAN DO SO EASILY
4)0 !LTERING YOUR MENTAL IMAGES IS A SKILL THAT YOU CAN LEARN FAIRLY QUICKLYEMOTIONALLY NEUTRAL IMAGES ARE EASIER TO PRACTICE ON
65_ED245_US 65 ,+U;:(*+U9COAU,+
$ % ! , 7 ) 4 ( 0 2 / " , % - 3
31/7/06 4:57:56 pm ''%*%&,,0).0*.fc
$EFUSE 0ROBLEM 4RIGGERS ,IKE EVERYONE ELSE YOU WILL UNDOUBTEDLY HAVE SOME TRIGGERS FOR AUTOMATIC RESPONSES BUT WHILE MANY RESPONSES WILL BE NEARLY UNIVERSALIF YOU ARE OUT DRIVING AND YOU SEE A RED LIGHT AHEAD FOR EXAMPLE ITS LIKELY THAT YOU LIKE EVERY OTHER DRIVER WILL lND YOURSELF AUTOMATICALLY WANTING TO BRAKEOTHERS WILL BE HIGHLY PERSONALIZED AND WILL BE YOURS ALONE 9OU PROBABLY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE BUT IT IS POSSIBLE TO LEARN SOME EFFECTIVE WAYS OF DEFUSING THEM AND ROBBING THEM OF THEIR POWER OVER YOU 3OME OF THE TRIGGER RESPONSE PAIRINGS YOU HAVE PICKED UP ALONG THE WAY MAY BE PARTICULARLY UNHELPFUL IF THEY ATTACH THEMSELVES TO BROADER SITUATIONS &OR EXAMPLE IF AS A CHILD YOU ORIGINALLY STARTED TO FEEL ANXIOUS WHEN YOU SAW A FROWN ON YOUR PARENTS FACE BUT NOW lND THAT THAT ANXIETY IS TAPPED BY ALMOST ANYONE FROWNING AT YOU FROM YOUR BOSS TO A PARKING ATTENDANT YOU NEED TO TAKE SOME ACTION TO DIMINISH THE POWER OF THAT PARTICULAR TRIGGER
t
4%#(.)15%3 TO PRACTICE
5SE THIS TECHNIQUE TO GET RID 3HRINK THE GOOD PICTURE TO A POWERFUL SMALL IMAGE OF AN UNWANTED EMOTIONAL ,OOK AT THE hTRIGGERv PICTURE THIS RESPONSE OR TO DEFUSE THE TIME WITH THE POSITIVE IMAGE IN A TRIGGER FOR A BAD HABIT )T LOWER CORNER -AKE THE TRIGGER INSTALLS A FRESH SEQUENCE OF PICTURE DISAPPEAR AND EXPAND MENTAL ASSOCIATIONS THE POSITIVE IMAGE TO FULL SIZE 4AKE A MENTAL PICTURE OF THE hTRIGGERv SITUATION 7HAT TRIGGERS THE RESPONSE ,ET GO OF THAT PICTURE AND SEE YOURSELF AS YOU WILL BE WHEN YOU HAVE OVERCOME THAT PROBLEM -AKE THE PICTURE BRIGHT AND COMPELLING SO YOU GET A GOOD FEELING AS YOU LOOK AT IT
MAKING A h3WISSSHv SOUND TO EMPHASIZE THE EXCHANGE (OLD FOR A MOMENT THEN BLANK YOUR MENTAL SCREEN 2EPEAT lVE TIMES IN QUICK SUCCESSION ,OOK AT THE TRIGGER PICTURE AGAIN 9OU WILL lND THAT YOUR RESPONSE TO IT IS WEAKER
#, % ! 2 4 ( % " , / #+ 3
66_ED245_US 66 &+,#&-)#;:(*+#7Y^_[l[=eWbi$_dZZ,,
31/7/06 4:57:58 pm '(%*%&,(0**0'-fc
$EALING WITH 9OUR )NNER #RITIC -ANY PEOPLE ARE HELD BACK FROM REACHING THEIR FULL POTENTIAL BY AN INNER VOICE ALSO KNOWN AS THE hCHATTERBOXv OR hGREMLIN v THAT CONSTANTLY NAGS AT THEM 9OU CAN REDUCE THE IMPACT OF THIS VOICE 7HERE IS IT COMING FROM -OST PEOPLE LOCATE IT IN THEIR HEADS 7HAT DOES IT SAY AND HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT IT 7HAT KIND OF IMPACT WOULD IT HAVE IF
)T WAS COMING FROM YOUR RIGHT BIG TOE INSTEAD )T HAD A VERY HIGH PITCHED VOICE )T WAS LOUDER /R QUIETER )T CAME FROM OUTSIDE YOUR BODY ALTOGETHER )T HAD THE VOICE OF A WELL KNOWN CARTOON CHARACTER )T HAD A HUMOROUS TONE WITH A CHUCKLE IN ITS VOICE )T HAD A KINDLY NURTURING TONE 7HICH ONE WORKED BEST FOR YOU (OW DOES IT FEEL TO REALIZE THAT YOU CAN CHANGE THE IMPACT THAT THE INNER CRITIC HAS ON HOW YOU FEEL !ND WHEN WILL THIS BE MOST USEFUL TO YOU %VERYONE HAS AN )NNER #RITIC !LTHOUGH EVERYONE HAS A VOICE THAT DIMINISHES THEIR CONlDENCE AT TIMES HOW MUCH ATTENTION YOU PAY TO YOUR NEGATIVE INNER CRITIC IS ENTIRELY UP TO YOUITS WITHIN YOUR CONTROL
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3UMMARY $EALING WITH 0ROBLEMS 4URNING PROBLEMS OVER AND OVER IN YOUR HEAD CAN QUICKLY BECOME COUNTERPRODUCTIVE MAKING A SITUATION FEEL MORE DIFlCULT THAN IT ACTUALLY IS 4HE KEY TO DEALING WITH PROBLEMS IS TO STAY FOCUSED ON THE SOLUTION REMAIN RELAXED AND POSITIVE AND NOT LET YOUR PERSONAL GREMLINS TAKE CONTROL
0LAN OF !CTION
&OCUS ON THE 3OLUTION
$ONT ,ET 9OURSELF 'ET INTO A 2UT
&OCUS ON WHAT YOUR LIFE WOULD BE LIKE IF THE PROBLEM WERE TO BE SOLVED
'ET PLENTY OF HEALTHY MOOD BOOSTING EXERCISE TO HELP YOU STAY POSITIVE
!SK YOURSELF THE MIRACLE QUESTION IF THE PROBLEM DISAPPEARED TOMORROW HOW WOULD YOU BE ABLE TO TELL
0LAN THINGS TO LOOK FORWARD TO THAT WILL HELP KEEP YOUR MIND OFF THE PROBLEM
5SE YOUR ANSWERS TO FOCUS ON POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS TO THE PROBLEM
)NTERRUPT RECURRING PATTERNS OF THOUGHT AND ACTION BY DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT
#, % ! 2 4 ( % " , / #+ 3
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!LTER 9OUR 6IEWPOINT
)S IT THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THE PROBLEM THAT MAKES YOU FEEL ANXIOUS
9%3
3WITCH YOUR VIEWPOINT SO THAT YOU ARE LOOKING AT IT FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF AN IMPARTIAL OBSERVER
9%3
5SE THE h3WISSSHv TECHNIQUE TO DEFUSE PROBLEM TRIGGERS
9%3
2EDUCE ITS POWER OVER YOU BY CHANGING THE CHARACTER TONE OR LOCATION OF ITS VOICE
./
$O YOU HAVE PARTICULAR TRIGGERS THAT SPARK A PROBLEM RESPONSE
./ $O YOU HAVE AN INNER CRITIC WHO PREVENTS YOU FROM DEALING WITH PROBLEMS CONlDENTLY ./ 2ATE THE PROBLEM THAT YOU ARE DEALING WITH ON A SCALE OF TO WHERE IS BETTER
!SK YOURSELF WHAT YOU WOULD BE DOING DIFFERENTLY IF THE PROBLEM WAS ONE NUMBER ABOVE THE CURRENT RATING
3 5 - - ! 29 $ % ! , ) . ' 7 ) 4 ( 0 2 / " , % - 3
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$EAL WITH /THER 0EOPLE 3OMETIMES IT CAN SEEM AS IF LIFE WOULD BE PERFECT IF YOU DIDNT HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE DIFlCULT PEOPLE AROUND YOU "UT DO THOSE PEOPLE THINK OF THEMSELVES AS DIFlCULT 6ERY FEW PEOPLE DELIBERATELY SET OUT TO BE AWKWARD
+EEP AN /BJECTIVE 6IEW 3OMEONE WITH WHOM YOU HAVE A PROBLEM MAY BE REGARDED AS EASYGOING BY SOMEONE ELSE %QUALLY YOU MAY SOMETIMES APPEAR TO BE THE hDIFlCULTv ONE WITHOUT REALIZING IT 9OU SHOW DIFFERENT ASPECTS OF YOURSELF TO YOUR PARTNER YOUR COLLEAGUES YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR FRIENDS 7HAT THEY PERCEIVE IS THEIR MENTAL IMAGE OF YOU lLTERED BY PREVIOUS MEMORIES ASSOCIATIONS AND THEIR OWN BELIEFS ABOUT THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU ARE 4HIS WORKS BOTH WAYSSO THAT WHEN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SOMEBODY YOU ARE REALLY HAVING A PROBLEM WITH YOUR IMAGE OF THEM
%VERY $ISPUTE HAS 4HREE 6IEWPOINTS 7HEN YOU ARE LOCKED IN ANY KIND OF CONmICT WITH SOMEONE ELSE IT IS HARD TO KEEP THE MENTAL mEXIBILITY TO lND CREATIVE WAYS TO RESOLVE IT 4HE STRONGER YOUR EMOTION THE MORE RIGID AND SET YOUR THINKING TENDS TO BECOME 4HE KEY TO REMAINING mEXIBLE ENOUGH TO GIVE YOURSELF MORE CHOICE
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THINK
3-!24 ,OOK AT A RECENT DISAGREEMENT FROM EACH OF THE THREE VIEWPOINTS STARTING WITH YOUR OWN " CAREFUL TO LET GO OF ANY FEELINGS FROM ONE VIEWPOINT BEFORE STEPPING INTO THE NEXT 4O GET THE BEST OUT OF THIS EXERCISE MARK OUT THE THREE VIEWPOINTS AS SEPARATE PLACES IN THE ROOM AND PHYSICALLY MOVE FROM ONE TO ANOTHER !FTER VIEWING THE DISPUTE FROM THE DETACHED OVERVIEW POSITION WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO THE hYOUv IN THE lRST VIEWPOINT
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(OW THE 6IEWPOINTS 7ORK 4EACH YOURSELF TO SWITCH BETWEEN DIFFERENT VIEWPOINTS mEXIBLY IN ORDER TO GAIN THE BROADEST POSSIBLE VIEW OF ANY SITUATION %ACH VIEWPOINT HAS ITS OWN ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES
!DVANTAGES AND $ISADVANTAGES !$6!.4!'%3
$)3!$6!.4!'%3
9OUR OWN POINT OF VIEW 'OOD FOR
9OUR OWN POINT OF VIEW #AN LEAD
KNOWING WHAT YOU WANT KNOWING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THINGS AND FOR STANDING YOUR GROUND lRMLY
TO SELlSHNESS OR ARROGANCE YOU MAY LACK AWARENESS OF HOW YOU APPEAR AND USE OTHERS FOR YOUR OWN ENDS
4HE OTHER PERSONS POINT OF VIEW
4HE OTHER PERSONS POINT OF VIEW
'OOD FOR SEEING CLEARLY WHAT THE OTHER PERSON WANTS AND FOR EMPATHY MAY HELP YOU TO SEE HOW YOU APPEAR TO THEM
#AN LEAD TO PASSIVE BEHAVIOR OR IN EXTREME CASES A MARTYRED APPROACH IN WHICH YOU SEE OTHERS VIEWPOINTS SO CLEARLY THAT YOU ALWAYS PUT THEM lRST
! DETACHED OVERVIEW 'OOD FOR LOOKING AT THINGS OBJECTIVELY CALMING DOWN SEEING THE INTERACTION AS A WHOLE SYSTEM AND NOTING ITS WIDER CONSEQUENCE
! DETACHED OVERVIEW ,ACKING
UNDERSTANDING OF HOW THE PARTICIPANTS IN THE SITUATION FEEL 4HIS VIEWPOINT CAN LEAD YOU TO COME ACROSS AS COLD
ABOUT YOUR RESPONSE IS TO PRACTICE LOOKING AT THE CONmICT FROM THREE DIFFERENT VIEWPOINTS YOUR OWN THE OTHER PERSONS AND A DETACHED OVERVIEW
"RING 7ISDOM TO #ONmICTS 'ETTING STUCK IN ANY ONE OF THESE THREE POSITIONS SO THAT YOU ONLY SEE THE SITUATION FROM ONE POINT OF VIEW HAS DISADVANTAGES 7ISDOM COMES FROM BEING ABLE TO MOVE FREELY BETWEEN THE VIEWPOINTS AND IN BEING ABLE TO LET GO OF THE FEELINGS ARISING FROM ONE VIEWPOINT BEFORE MOVING TO ANOTHER SO YOU CAN SEE THE SITUATION WITH FRESH EYES
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$EAL WITH #RITICISM (OW DO YOU RESPOND TO CRITICAL COMMENTS $O YOU TAKE THEM TO HEART OR STOP THEM AT ARMS LENGTH AND EXAMINE THEM TO SEE IF THEY ARE TRUE (OW ABOUT COMPLIMENTS $O YOU TREAT THEM IN THE SAME WAY OR DIFFERENTLY
4REAT #RITICISM AS &EEDBACK )T IS VERY COMMON FOR PEOPLE TO TAKE CRITICISM IMMEDIATELY TO HEART WHETHER IT IS WELL FOUNDED OR NOT BUT TO HOLD COMPLIMENTS AT A DISTANCE UNTIL THEY HAVE ANALYZED THEM ! MORE SUCCESSFUL RECIPE FOR HAPPINESS IS TO DO THE OPPOSITETO ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS FREELY WHILE SUBJECTING CRITICISMS TO CAREFUL SCRUTINY 4O EXTRACT THE USEFUL LEARNING FROM A CRITICAL REMARK FOLLOW THIS SIMPLE TWO STEP PROCESS s -ENTALLY DETACH YOURSELF FROM THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT OF THE CRITICISM )MAGINE YOU ARE RISING ABOVE THE PERSON MAKING THE CRITICISM AND LOOKING DOWN AT THEM s !SK YOURSELF h7HAT DO ) NEED TO LEARN FROM THIS v 9OU MAY lND THAT YOU LEARN AS MUCH ABOUT THE PERSON OFFERING THE CRITICISM AS YOU DO ABOUT YOURSELF 3TAY 0OSITIVE ! MATURE ATTITUDE TO CRITICISMTHAT IT IS INVALUABLE FEEDBACKIS A USEFUL TOOL IN LIFE )NSTEAD OF BECOMING DEFENSIVE WHEN CRITICIZED AIM TO REMAIN OPEN TO COMMENT AND TO ANALYZE IT CALMLY
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"E !WARE OF 0ROJECTION h0ROJECTIONv IS A THERAPY TERM THAT DESCRIBES THE PERCEPTION OF YOUR OWN FEELINGS IN ANOTHER PERSON WITHOUT THE REALIZATION THAT YOUR INTERPRETATION IS REALLY ABOUT YOU !SSUME FOR A MOMENT THAT THE REASON YOU ARE ABLE TO RECOGNIZE A QUALITY YOU DISLIKE IN SOMEONE ELSE IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE SOME OF THAT QUALITY YOURSELF 4HIS IDEA WORKS BOTH WAYSEVEN IF YOU DONT REALIZE IT IT MEANS THAT YOU ALSO HAVE AT LEAST TRACES OF THE QUALITIES THAT YOU ADMIRE IN OTHER PEOPLE
$IFlCULT PEOPLE MAKE THE BEST TEACHERS
5SE 0ROBLEMATIC 0EOPLE AS 0RACTICE %VERYONE NO MATTER HOW OBNOXIOUS THEY SEEM IS ACTING FROM A POSITIVE INTENTION TOWARD THEMSELVES 6IEWING hDIFlCULTv PEOPLE FROM THIS PERSPECTIVE MAKES IT EASIER TO UNDERSTAND THEM 4AKE THIS PRINCIPLE ONE STEP FURTHER AND REALIZE THAT THEY ARE GIVING YOU AN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN 3OME OF THE MOST VALUABLE LESSONS YOU HAVE LEARNED WILL HAVE COME FROM LEARNING TO HANDLE DIFlCULT PEOPLE PERHAPS A GRUMPY COLLEAGUE WHO UNKNOWINGLY GAVE YOU PRACTICE IN DRAWING A PERSON OUT OF THEMSELVES 4RY RUNNING THROUGH THIS EXERCISE A FEW TIMES USING A DIFFERENT PERSON AS YOUR EXAMPLE EACH TIME TO INCREASE YOUR UNDERSTANDING 4HINK OF A PERSON WHO DOES SOMETHING THAT IRRITATES YOU OR BEHAVES IN A WAY THAT YOU DONT LIKE 7HAT IS THE POSITIVE INTENTION BEHIND THEIR BEHAVIOR 3EE YOURSELF BRIEmY THOUGH THEIR EYES 7HAT DO YOU LEARN FROM THIS DIFFERENT VIEWPOINT )F THAT PERSONS BEHAVIOR HAD A POSITIVE INTENTION TOWARD YOU BEHIND IT WHAT WOULD THAT POSITIVE INTENTION BE 7HAT POSITIVE LESSONS DO YOU NEED TO LEARN FROM YOUR INTERACTION WITH THAT PERSON ! SK YOURSELF h(OW AM ) LIKE THAT PERSON 7HEN DO ) BEHAVE LIKE THAT v
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$ % ! , 7 ) 4 ( #2 ) 4 ) #) 3 -
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#REATE THE 6ISION 9OU 7ANT
.OW THAT YOU ARE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR VALUES AND HAVE LOOSENED ANY LIMITING BELIEFS YOU CAN lRM UP YOUR GOALS AND BRING THEM TO LIFE IN A WAY THAT WILL ENLIST YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND TO HELP MAKE IT HAPPEN )NSTALLING A VIBRANT IMAGE OF YOUR GOAL INTO YOUR FUTURE WILL TURBOCHARGE YOUR MOTIVATION AND KEEP YOU FOCUSED ON DOING WHATEVER IT TAKES TO ACHIEVE THEM 4HIS SECTION GUIDES YOU THROUGH s 7HY SETTING GOALS IS IMPORTANT s 7HAT WORKS IN GOAL SETTING s 4HE lVE CONDITIONS OF SUCCESSFUL GOALS s (OW TO MAKE YOUR GOAL COMPELLING s (OW TO INSTALL GOALS INTO YOUR FUTURE
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3ET 9OUR 'OALS 7ITHOUT GOALS YOU WOULD JUST BE DRIFTING AIMLESSLY AT THE MERCY OF WHATEVER EVENTS COME ALONG IN YOUR LIFE 9OU NEED TO HAVE A CLEAR IDEA ABOUT WHERE YOU WANT TO BE IN ORDER TO TAKE THE ACTION NEEDED TO GET THERE
5SE 'OALS TO 'IVE 9OU $IRECTION "Y CONTRAST WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR GOALS ARE YOU KNOW THE PATH YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW TO GET THEREAND YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO AIM AT SO YOU CAN MAKE CORRECTIONS IF YOU GET BLOWN OFF COURSE ! SENSE OF PURPOSE IS A FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN NEED 7ITHOUT PURPOSE OR MEANING IN YOUR LIFE YOU BECOME UNHAPPYAS YOU WILL KNOW IF YOU HAVE SPENT ANY LENGTH OF ,OOK TO THE &UTURE TIME IN AN UNFULlLLING JOB 7ITH GOALS YOU BECOME MORE mEXIBLE AND RESILIENT !SSESS WHERE YOU ARE NOW AND BETTER ABLE TO COPE WITH CHANGING CONDITIONS AS YOU CONTINUALLY DEVELOP
&REE -ENTAL %NERGY )F YOU lND IT HARD TO THINK OF ACTIVITIES THAT WOULD BE ENJOYABLE YOU NEED TO FREE SOME MENTAL ENERGY #UT OUT ACTIVITIES THAT MAY BE PLEASURABLE BUT DONT OFFER YOU ENJOYMENT #UTTING DOWN ON TELEVISION WATCHING WOULD BE A GOOD START 3WITCH OFF A SOAP OPERA YOU WATCH REGULARLY AND YOULL ALREADY HAVE FREED UP lVE HOURS A WEEK THAT YOU COULD SPEND ENRICHING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH REAL PEOPLE
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&IX ON YOUR LONG TERM GOALS OVER A SET TIME PERIOD
(ALFWAY THROUGH THE PERIOD YOU HAVE SET ASSESS YOUR PROGRESS
!DJUST YOUR MEDIUM TERM GOALS IF NECESSARY &IX ON YOUR NEXT SET OF LONG TERM GOALS
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#HOOSE %NJOYMENT OVER 0LEASURE !FTER EXTENSIVE RESEARCH THE PSYCHOLOGIST -IHALY #SIKSZENTMIHALYI CONCLUDED THAT WE ARE HAPPIEST IN hmOWv STATES IN WHICH WE ARE COMPLETELY ABSORBED IN WHAT WE ARE DOING #HARACTERISTIC OF A mOW STATE IS THE FOCUS THAT COMES FROM HAVING A DElNED GOAL 4HE STRETCH WE lND IN GOING FOR AN AMBITIOUS GOAL GIVES US ENJOYMENT AND ENJOYMENT IS DIFFERENT FROM PLEASURE WHICH IS MERELY THE FEELING OF CONTENTMENT WE GET WHENEVER WE SATISFY BIOLOGICAL OR SOCIALLY CONDITIONED EXPECTATIONSWITH ALCOHOL DRUGS OR MATERIAL POSSESSIONS 0LEASURE LEAVES US UNCHANGED ENJOYMENT IS A SIGN THAT WE ARE GROWING AND DEVELOPING 3OME EXAMPLES WOULD BE
-AKING A SUCCESS OF A CRUCIAL PRESENTATION 4RAINING FOR AND RUNNING A MARATHON 2EADING AN INSPIRATIONAL BOOK THAT CHANGES YOUR POINT OF VIEW "OOST 9OUR 3ELF %STEEM ! PSYCHOLOGY STUDY AT 7ASHINGTON 5NIVERSITY IN 3T ,OUIS FOUND THAT PEOPLES SELF ESTEEM VARIES ACCORDING TO WHETHER ON A TYPICAL DAY THEY THINK MOSTLY ABOUT THE PAST THE PRESENT OR THE FUTURE 0EOPLE WITH HIGH SELF ESTEEM WHO FEEL GOOD MOST OF THE TIME FOCUS MAINLY ON POSITIVE EVENTS IN THE FUTURE WHILE PEOPLE WITH LOW SELF ESTEEM AND A LOT OF NEGATIVE FEELINGS THINK MORE ABOUT UNPLEASANT EVENTS IN THE PAST )F YOU FEEL YOU HAVE LEARNED FROM PAST EVENTS YOU WILL lND IT EASIER TO MOVE ON AND NOT DWELL ON ASPECTS THAT DIDNT WORK AND WHICH YOU NOW CANNOT CHANGE ,EARNING FROM LIFE AS YOU GO IS AN EFFECTIVE WAY TO AVOID RETROSPECTIVE REGRETS ABOUT hWHAT MIGHT HAVE BEENv
4)0 4RY OUT NEW EXCITING EXPERIENCES TO GET IDEAS AND BROADEN YOUR HORIZONS 3OMETIMES YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOU WANT UNTIL YOUVE TRIED IT
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-AKE 'OAL 3ETTING 7ORK #HANGING YOUR HABITS IS NOT EASYYEARS OF PRACTICE WILL HAVE EMBEDDED THEM INTO YOUR NEURAL CIRCUITRY )N ORDER TO OVERCOME THE INERTIA THAT WE ARE ALL FAMILIAR WITH ITS ESSENTIAL TO HAVE A CLEAR VISION OF WHERE YOU WANT TO BE
%NGAGE 9OUR 5NCONSCIOUS -IND 7HEN YOU HAVE A VISION THAT YOU CAN SEE HEAR AND FEEL IT ENGAGES YOU ON MORE THAN JUST AN INTELLECTUAL LEVEL )T GIVES YOU THE EMOTIONAL MOTIVATION YOU WILL NEED TO GET THROUGH SETBACKS AND OVERCOME INERTIA 3ETTING A GOAL IN THE RIGHT WAY OFFERS A TEMPLATE OR hATTRACTORv FOR YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND WHICH SETS UP THE ATTENTION MECHANISMS IN YOUR BRAIN TO NOTICE THE PEOPLE AND OPPORTUNITIES THAT CAN HELP YOU GET CLOSER TO WHERE YOU WANT TO BE )T ALSO ALLOWS YOU TO EVALUATE THE CHANGES IN YOUR SURROUNDINGS SO THAT YOU WILL BE AWARE OF WHETHER YOU ARE GETTING CLOSER TO YOUR DESIRED OUTCOME OR MOVING FARTHER AWAY FROM IT
$ISTINGUISH BETWEEN 'OALS AND &EELINGS h) WANT TO BE HAPPYv IS NOT A GOAL 9OU CAN BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW FOR AT LEAST A SHORT WHILE BY BRINGING TO MIND A HAPPY TIME IN YOUR LIFE OR A PERSON YOU LIKE 4HIS HAPPENS INSTANTLY AND IS ACCOMPLISHED BY YOUR INTERNAL RESPONSE TO HAPPY OR POSITIVE THOUGHTS 'OALS BY CONTRAST INVOLVE CHANGES IN THE EXTERNAL WORLD AROUND YOUYOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN TO ACHIEVE MOST GOALS AND THIS WILL TAKE TIME
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&EELINGS VERSUS 'OALS &%%,).' /2 6!,5% SUCH AS hHAPPINESSv
'/!, SUCH AS hPROMOTED BY THE END OF THIS YEARv
6AGUE
3PECIlC
9OU CAN HAVE IT NOW
)T WILL TAKE TIME TO ACHIEVE
.O STEPS OR PLANNING REQUIRED
3TEPS ARE NEEDED TO GET THERE
!BSTRACT
-EASURABLE
#2 % !4 % 4 ( % 6 ) 3 ) / . 9/ 5 7! . 4
31/7/06 4:58:44 pm ''%*%&,,0)/0()fc
%NVISAGING 9OUR 'OALS )T MAY BE THAT YOU HAVE KNOWN FOR A LONG TIME WHAT YOUR GOALS ARE !LTERNATIVELY YOU MAY HAVE STARTED WITH ONLY A VAGUE NOTION THAT YOU WANT THINGS TO BE DIFFERENT FROM HOW THEY HAVE BEEN UP TO NOW )F YOUR GOALS ARE NOT YET AS CLEAR AS YOU WOULD LIKE THEM TO BE HERE ARE SOME WAYS OF GETTING STARTED
4ITLE THREE SHEETS OF PAPER WITH h4HINGS THAT ) WANT MORE OF v h4HINGS THAT ) WANT TO KEEP AS THEY ARE v AND h4HINGS THAT ) WANT LESS OFv $IVIDE EACH SHEET INTO TWO COLUMNS AND WRITE AS MANY ENTRIES AS YOU CAN IN THE LEFT HAND COLUMN WITH YOUR REASONS FOR EACH ENTRY IN THE RIGHT HAND COLUMN 4HINK ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ADMIRE 7HAT IS IT THAT YOU ADMIRE (OW COULD YOU BE MORE LIKE THEM ! FEELING CAN BE A STARTING POINT FOR DRAWING UP YOUR GOALS )F YOU WANT TO BE HAPPIER WHAT ACHIEVABLE CHANGES WOULD MAKE IT EASY FOR YOU TO BE HAPPY )MAGES MAY BE EASIER TO WORK WITH THAN WORDS 5SE MAGAZINE PICTURES THAT APPEAL TO YOU TO CREATE A COLLAGE REPRESENTING YOUR GOAL 3AMPLE ,IST 7RITING DOWN WHAT YOU WANT MORE OF AND WHY YOU WANT IT WILL HELP YOU TO CONSOLIDATE YOUR GOALS
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F 4HINGS ) WANT MORE O ND PE O S E T s 3PARE TIM IDS WITH MY K s 0LAYING GOLF s #HALLENGING WORK PROJECTS
7HY G FOR s 4HEY ARE ONLY YOUN E A SHORT TIM s %XERCISE AND FUN E s 4O SHOW WHAT ) HAV FER OF TO
- ! + % ' /! , 3 % 4 4 ) . ' 7 / 2 +
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&REE 5P 9OUR %NERGY BY $ECLUTTERING 7E ARE ALL AFFECTED BY OUR SURROUNDINGS TO SOME EXTENT AND THE ENVIRONMENT WE CREATE FOR OURSELVES MIRRORS OUR INNER STATE OF MIND ! CLUTTERED SPACE WILL DRAIN YOUR ENERGY #LEARING SUPERmUOUS CLUTTER IS ONE EASY WAY TO GIVE YOUR ENERGY A BOOST AND TO START FREEING YOURSELF FROM PAST BAGGAGE SO YOU CAN LOOK TO THE FUTURE
3TART WITH THE SMALL STUFF 4O GET
$ECLUTTERING IS EASY ONCE YOU GET STARTED
PAST THE FEELING OF BEING OVERWHELMED START WITH YOUR JUNK DRAWER )T WILL INSPIRE YOU TO MOVE ON TO THE BIGGER STUFF #LEAR OUT ANYTHING NOT USED OR LOVED 5NDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES IF YOU HAVE NOT USED AN ITEM IN THE PAST YEAR THEN YOU WILL NOT USE IT AGAIN 3ET YOURSELF A TIME LIMIT )F YOU HAVE SOMETHING THAT IS UNlNISHED OR NEEDING REPAIR SET YOURSELF A PERIOD OF TIME TO GET IT lXED )F BY THEN ITS STILL UNlNISHED IT HAS TO GO 2ECYCLE ITEMS THAT ARE hTOO GOOD TO THROW OUTv )T IS NOT EASY FOR MOST PEOPLE TO JUST THROW SOMETHING AWAYSO RECYCLE IT TO FRIENDS SCHOOLS OR CHARITIES WHO WILL ACTUALLY USE IT h /NE IN ONE OUTv /NCE YOU HAVE CLEARED MAINTAIN THAT CLUTTER FREE STATE WITH A RULE THAT YOU CLEAR SPACE FOR WHATEVER YOU BRING INTO YOUR HOME BY CLEARING OUT SOMETHING ELSE 'ET STARTED 4HE MOMENT YOU START YOU WILL FEEL LIGHTER AND EMPOWERED TO CONTINUE /THER PEOPLE AROUND YOU WILL BE MOTIVATED TO CLEAR THEIR CLUTTER 9OUR HOME OR WORKSPACE WILL FEEL THE BENElTS AND APPEAR FULL OF POSITIVE ENERGY
4)0 3ET YOUR GOALS AT THE RIGHT LEVEL )F YOU NEVER
ACHIEVE ANY OF THEM YOUR SIGHTS ARE SET TOO HIGH IF YOU ALWAYS ACHIEVE ALL OF THEM THEY ARE SET TOO LOW
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$ISTINGUISH BETWEEN h.EEDv AND h7ANTv 0HILOSOPHIES SUCH AS "UDDHISM TALK ABOUT THE NEED FOR NON ATTACHMENT TO THE RESULTS YOU GET SO THAT YOU DONT GET UPSET IF THINGS DO NOT WORK OUT THE WAY YOU WANTED )N FACT BEING ATTACHED TO A GOALNEEDING IT TO HAPPEN ARISES WHEN YOU HAVE A MENTAL IMAGE OF THE GOAL BUT ALSO ANOTHER MENTAL IMAGE OF NOT REACHING THE GOAL WHICH IS AT LEAST AS STRONG 9OU MAY NOT BE CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF THE NEGATIVE IMAGEBUT IT IS ALWAYS THERE 4HE hAWAY FROMv MOTIVATION THAT THIS CREATES WILL GET IN THE WAY OF ACHIEVING THE GOAL "Y CONTRAST WHEN YOU WANT YOUR GOAL TO HAPPEN BUT YOU WILL BE COMPOSED IF IT DOES NOT YOU ONLY HAVE A POSITIVE MENTAL IMAGE 9OUR MOTIVATION WILL BE hTOWARD v WHICH IS MORE DIRECTED AND LESS STRESSFUL MINUTE
&)8
5SE 3-!24 'OALS WITH #ARE )F YOU ARE IN BUSINESS YOU WILL PROBABLY HAVE COME ACROSS THE 3-!24 APPROACH WHICH STATES THAT GOALS SHOULD BE 3PECIlC -EASURABLE !CHIEVABLE 2EALISTIC AND 4IMED 4HESE ARE ALL NECESSARY CRITERIA FOR SUCCESS BUT THEY LEAVE OUT AN IMPORTANT FACTOR DO YOU CARE WHETHER YOU ACHIEVE THE GOAL )N THE ENVIRONMENT WHERE THE 3-!24 APPROACH ORIGINATED THERE WAS NO SHORTAGE OF hAWAY FROMv MOTIVATION )F YOU DID NOT CARRY OUT YOUR TASKS YOU WOULD BE lRED 7HEN YOU ARE SETTING GOALS FOR YOURSELF YOU NEED AN APPROACH THAT ENGAGES YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND AND HARNESSES THE POWER OF hTOWARDv MOTIVATION
81_ED245_US 81 .'U;:(*+U9COAU.'
)N A SITUATION IN WHICH YOU NEED TO ASSESS MOTIVATION FAST BEFORE YOU ACT MAKE A QUICK CHECK 9OU CAN ESTABLISH THAT YOU ARE USING THE RIGHThTOWARDv n MOTIVATION BY ASKING YOURSELF L
7HAT WILL THIS GOAL
L
7ILL ) LOSE ANYTHING IF
GAIN FOR ME ) REACH MY GOAL 9OUR GAINS SHOULD BE GREATER THAN YOUR LOSSES AND SHOULD BE PLACED lRMLY IN THE FUTURE
- ! + % ' /! , 3 % 4 4 ) . ' 7 / 2 +
31/7/06 4:58:48 pm ''%*%&,,0)/0(/fc
&IND A 2OUTE TO 3UCCESSFUL 'OALS "Y NOW YOU WILL HAVE SOME GOALS IN MIND 9OU MAY HAVE HAD DElNED OUTCOMES ALL ALONG IF NOT THEY WILL HAVE BECOME CLEARER AS YOU WORKED ON YOUR VALUES OR WORKED THROUGH THE ENVISAGING PROCESS ON THE PREVIOUS PAGES
#REATE A #HECKLIST 4HERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT FORMULAS FOR GOAL SETTING CHECKLISTS /NE OF THE MOST EFFECTIVE BOTH FOR PRECISION AND FOR ENGAGING YOUR EMOTIONAL COMMITMENT IS THE FORMULA KNOWN AS THE 0/7%2 PROCESS 'O THROUGH THE LETTERS OF THE WORD h0OWERv STEP BY STEP AS DESCRIBED ON THE FOLLOWING PAGES 9OU ARE lNDING OUT IF YOUR GOAL WILL MEET THE CRITERIA THAT TELL YOU THAT IT IS ACHIEVABLE
0/7%2THE +EYWORDS 0
0OSITIVE THINKING
/
/WN YOUR GOAL
7
SPECIFY 7HAT AND 7HEN
%
CONSIDER ALL THE %FFECTS
2
ENSURE THAT THE 2OUTE IS KNOWN AND FEASIBLE
00OSITIVE 4HINKING 4HIS IS ABOUT THE NEED TO BE CAREFUL WITH THE WORDS YOU USE WHEN YOU WRITE YOUR GOAL DOWN AND EVEN WHEN YOU THINK TO YOURSELF ABOUT IT 3ETTING A GOAL GIVES YOUR UNCONSCIOUS A TARGET TO WORK TOWARD 4HIS ACTS AS A SET OF INSTRUCTIONS FOR DECIDING WHAT ASPECTS OF YOUR ENVIRONMENT ARE WORTH GIVING ATTENTION TOWHICH EVENTS THINGS AND PEOPLE YOU WILL DECIDE TO NOTICE BECAUSE THEY COULD HELP YOU TO REACH YOUR GOAL AND WHICH WILL NOT MAKE IT ONTO YOUR RADAR BECAUSE THEY ARE IRRELEVANT 2EMEMBER THAT THE UNCONSCIOUS DOES NOT RECOGNIZE A NEGATIVE 3O IF YOU STATE YOUR GOAL AS h) DONT WANT TO BE IN THIS UNFULlLLING JOB A YEAR FROM NOW v THE MENTAL IMAGE YOU HAVE FROM THIS WORDING IS STILL OF THE CURRENT UNFULlLLING JOB
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'ET THE *OB $ONE
2ELEASE 9OUR 0OWER ! CLEAR VISION
OF YOUR GOALS IS THE KEY TO ACCESSING -AKING SURE YOU KEEP THE THE FULL ENERGY OF YOUR INTERNAL DRIVE WORD hNOTv OUT OF YOUR GOAL STATEMENT IS NOT ENOUGH BY ITSELF 9OUR COULD RESTATE YOUR GOAL AS h) WANT TO BE OUT OF THIS JOB IN A YEARv 4HIS TAKES hNOTv OUT OF THE EQUATION BUT IT IS STILL A STATEMENT OF WHAT YOU WANT TO GET AWAY FROM )T IS INCOMPLETE BECAUSE IT SAYS NOTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT TO MOVE TOWARD 9OUR UNCONSCIOUS IS A PRECISE INSTRUMENT USUALLY IT WILL DO ITS BEST TO FULlLL EXACTLY WHAT YOU ASK OF ITBUT NO MORE )F IN A YEAR YOU ARE UNEMPLOYED WHATEVER YOU ARE CONSCIOUSLY THINKING YOUR UNCONSCIOUS WILL REGARD THE RESULT AS A JOB COMPLETED BECAUSE IT HAS GIVEN YOU EXACTLY WHAT YOU ASKED 9OU NEED TO MODIFY YOUR GOAL STATEMENT TO ENSURE THAT YOUR UNCONSCIOUS UNDERSTANDS YOUR END AIM h)N A YEAR ) WANT TO BE IN A JOB THAT PAYS BETTER IS MORE ENJOYABLE AND HAS BETTER PROSPECTSv 7HILE THIS IS NOT YET SPECIlC ENOUGH TO BE A WELL FORMED GOAL STATEMENT AT LEAST IT IS NOW POINTING YOU IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION FOR ACTION
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//WN 9OUR 'OAL 7HOSE GOAL IS IT 9OU WILL ONLY BE TRULY ENGAGED WITH IT IF IT IS YOURS )F YOU ARE TRYING TO LIVE UP TO SOMEONE ELSES IDEA OF WHO YOU SHOULD BE YOU ARE BOUND TO HAVE SOME UNCONSCIOUS RESISTANCEUNLESS YOUR VISION FOR YOURSELF EXACTLY COINCIDES WITH THEIRS /WNERSHIP IS ALSO ABOUT BEING ABLE TO BRING THE GOAL ABOUT BY YOUR OWN ACTIONS )T WOULD BE POINTLESS TO SET hWINNING THE LOTTERYv AS A GOAL BECAUSE ONCE YOU HAVE BOUGHT A TICKET THE OUTCOME IS ENTIRELY OUT OF YOUR HANDS 7HAT ANSWERS DO YOU GET TO THESE QUESTIONS s 7HAT CAN ) DO TO BRING THIS GOAL ABOUT BY MY OWN ACTIONS s 7HAT CAN ) DO TO INmUENCE THE OUTCOME s 7HAT DO ) NEED TO DO TO ACHIEVE THIS GOAL
73PECIFY 7HAT AND 7HEN .OW YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE YOUR GOAL IS EXPRESSED PRECISELY BECAUSE WHATEVER YOU ASK FOR IS EXACTLY WHAT YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND WILL WORK TO PROVIDE FOR YOU $ElNE THE GOAL SO THAT BOTH YOUR INTELLECT AND YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT AND BEGIN TO WORK COOPERATIVELY TO GET IT FOR YOU s -AKE SURE THE GOAL IS QUANTIlABLE s 7HAT WILL BE DIFFERENT WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR GOAL 4AKING MONEY AS AN EXAMPLE h) WANT TO BE RICHERv IS NOT A WELL FORMED GOAL (OW MUCH RICHER 7HAT FORM WILL THAT WEALTH BE IN )F YOUR GOAL IS TO HAVE A CERTAIN INCOME IS THAT AFTER TAXES OR BEFORE )F YOUR GOAL IS TO BUY A NEW HOUSE WHERE WILL THAT HOUSE BE (OW MANY ROOMS 7HAT CRITERIA WILL THE LOCATION HAVE TO SATISFY 7RITE ALL THESE POINTS DOWN 4HEN MAKE A SENSORY IMAGE OF YOUR GOAL )N YOUR IMAGINATION PUT YOURSELF IN THE SITUATION OF "E CAREFUL WHAT YOU HAVING THE GOAL 3EE IT WISH FOR THROUGH YOUR OWN EYES AS VIVIDLY AS YOU CAN
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-AKE SURE THAT YOU HAVE DETAILED AND SATISFACTORY ANSWERS TO ALL OF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS AND THAT YOU HAVE A CLEAR PICTURE OF YOUR GOAL IN YOUR MINDS EYE &ILL IN COLORS SOUNDS AND SCENTS AS YOU GO 4HE MORE s 7HERE ARE YOU DISTINCT A s 7HO ELSE IS THERE GOAL IS THE s 7HAT ARE YOU DOING SIMPLER IT WILL s 7HAT DO YOU SEE HEAR FEEL BE TO ACHIEVE TASTE AND SMELL NOW THAT YOU HAVE YOUR GOAL 4HIS DETAILED VISUALIZATION PERFORMS THREE FUNCTIONS )T BRINGS THE MENTAL IMAGE OF YOUR GOAL TO LIFE IN A WAY THAT WORDS ON THEIR OWN NEVER COULD SO YOU BEGIN TO GET THE EMOTIONAL RESPONSE THAT IS ESSENTIAL FOR MOTIVATION )T GIVES YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND A SENSORY RICH TEMPLATE SO THAT IT HAS A VERY DElNITE TARGET TO AIM AT !ND IT GIVES YOU INFORMATION ABOUT WHAT LIFE WILL BE LIKE WHEN YOU HAVE ACHIEVED YOUR GOAL SO THAT YOU CAN MAKE ANY ADJUSTMENTS YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT THIS IS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
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4%#(.)15%3 TO PRACTICE
!S YOU WORK TOWARD YOUR GOAL USE THIS EXERCISE REGULARLY TO CHECK YOUR PROGRESS %VERY GOAL NEEDS AN hACHIEVE BYv DATE )F YOU DO NOT SET A DATE YOUR GOAL WILL ALWAYS REMAIN IN THE FUTURE 3ET A TARGET DATE FOR YOUR GOAL #HOOSE SEVERAL DATES BETWEEN NOW AND THE DATE YOU HAVE SET
AND WRITE THEM IN YOUR PLANNER /N EACH OF THESE STAGED DATES ASK YOURSELF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO GET CLOSER TO YOUR GOAL AND WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU HAVE ALREADY ACHIEVED )F YOU lND THAT YOU ARE HITTING THE SET DATES WITHOUT MAKING PROGRESS MAKE A DETAILED CHECK OF YOUR MOTIVATION YOU MAY BE SABOTAGING YOUR OWN PROGRESS
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%#ONSIDER !LL THE %FFECTS !LTHOUGH YOUR GOAL MAY BE ABOUT A PARTICULAR AREA OF YOUR LIFE IT WILL AFFECT OTHER AREAS #ONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES OF ACHIEVING YOUR GOAL FOR EVERY OTHER AREA OF YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU HAVE YOU CAN BE SURE YOU REALLY WANT IT 7HAT WILL IT COST YOU TO ACHIEVE THE GOAL 3OMETIMES THERE ARE COSTS TO ACHIEVING A GOAL IN TERMS OF TIME EFFORT OR WHAT YOU WILL HAVE TO GIVE UP !SK THESE QUESTIONS TO MAKE SURE YOUR GOAL IS WORTH THE SACRIlCES s 7HAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN ) HAVE IT s 7HAT WONT HAPPEN WHEN ) HAVE IT s !RE THERE ANY DOWNSIDES TO ACHIEVING IT HAT ARE THE WIDER EFFECTS OF ACHIEVING YOUR GOAL 7 !NY SIGNIlCANT GOAL WILL HAVE AN IMPACT ON THE BALANCE OF YOUR LIFETHINK THIS THROUGH NOW TO AVOID UNFORESEEN CONSEQUENCES LATER s (OW WILL THIS GOAL AFFECT THE PEOPLE ) CARE ABOUT s (OW WILL THIS GOAL AFFECT THE WIDER COMMUNITIES OF WHICH ) AM A PART
#!3% STUDY &INDING A ,IFE "ALANCE +ARL WAS TOTALLY FOCUSED ON BUILDING HIS CELL PHONE RETAIL BUSINESS SETTING A GOAL TO BECOME A MILLIONAIRE BEFORE HE WAS (E SUCCEEDEDBUT HE WORKED SUCH LONG HOURS TO ACHIEVE IT THAT HIS RELATIONSHIP WAS IN TROUBLE AND HE WAS IN DANGER OF BURNING OUT 7HEN A CHECKUP REVEALED A HEART MURMUR HE RELUCTANTLY BEGAN TO DELEGATE SOME OF HIS WORKLOAD AND SET ASIDE SOME TIME FOR EXERCISE 4O HIS SURPRISE EVEN WITH HIS NEW WORK
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HABITS HIS BUSINESS CONTINUED TO GROW ALTHOUGH AT A MORE MODERATE AND SUSTAINABLE PACE s )N BALANCING HIS LIFE BETTER +ARL LEARNED TO ENJOY LIFE AND SUFFERING LESS FROM STRESS WAS EASIER TO BE AROUND !LTHOUGH HIS RELATIONSHIP DID NOT SURVIVE HIS QUALITY OF LIFE DID IMPROVE s (E FOUND HIS INCREASED MENTAL ALERTNESS HELPED HIM TO COME UP WITH MORE ORIGINAL BUSINESS IDEAS
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,OOKING AHEAD TO 9OUR 'OAL ()'( )-0!#4
.%'!4)6% )-0!#4
!NTICIPATING HOW THE GOAL WILL FEEL WHEN YOU ACHIEVE IT L ,OOKING REALISTICALLY AT ANY DISADVANTAGES IT MAY HAVE L #HECKING YOUR UNCONSCIOUS FOR ANY NEGATIVE SIGNALS L
!SSUMING THAT ONCE YOU HAVE THE GOAL LIFE WILL BE PERFECT L #ONCENTRATING PURELY ON THE ADVANTAGES OF THE GOAL L )GNORING ANY DOUBTS COMING FROM YOUR UNCONSCIOUS L
(OW MUCH DO YOU WANT THIS GOAL )F YOU ARE NOT COMMITTED TO YOUR GOAL YOU WILL NOT ACHIEVE IT )F YOU FEEL DOUBT YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MAY BE TELLING YOU THAT SOMETHING NEEDS MORE ATTENTION s (OW DO ) FEEL ABOUT THIS GOAL s $O ) WANT IT PERCENT s $OES MY ENERGY INCREASE WHEN ) THINK ABOUT IT )F YOU ANSWERED hNOv TO ANY QUESTION ADJUST THE GOAL UNTIL YOU FEEL ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT IT
2%NSURE THAT THE 2OUTE )S +NOWN !T THIS STAGE IT IS ENOUGH TO HAVE A FEELING THAT THE GOAL IS POSSIBLE (OW YOU GET THERE WILL BE EASIER TO WORK OUT LATER AFTER YOU HAVE PLACED THE GOAL IN YOUR FUTURE s (AS ANYONE ELSE ACHIEVED THIS GOAL 4HEN WHY NOT YOU s 7HO CAN ASSIST YOU IN GETTING THERE )F NO ONE HAS ACHIEVED A SIMILAR GOAL BEFORE s 7HAT RESOURCES DO YOU HAVE THAT WILL HELP s 7HAT ADDITIONAL RESOURCES DO YOU NEED s 7HAT CAN YOU LEARN FROM ANY PREVIOUS ATTEMPTS /NCE YOUR GOAL MEETS THE 0/7%2 CRITERIA YOU ARE READY TO INSTALL IT INTO YOUR FUTURE
4)0 4HINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WILL LEARN AND HOW YOU
WILL GROW IN THE JOURNEY TOWARD YOUR GOAL AS WELL AS THE BENElTS WHEN YOU HAVE ACHIEVED IT
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3UMMARY 3ET 0/7%2FUL 'OALS
'OALS GIVE YOU DIRECTION AND PURPOSE 4HEY HELP YOU IDENTIFY AND FOCUS ON YOUR PRIORITIES A VITAL PROCESS IF YOU ARE TO KNOW WHERE YOU WANT TO GO IN YOUR LIFE AND WHAT STEPS YOU NEED TO TAKE TO GET THERE "UT IT IS IMPORTANT TO CHOOSE AND DElNE YOUR GOALS WITH CARE WEAK HAZY OR NEGATIVE GOALS MERELY GIVE THE IMPRESSION OF FORWARD MOVEMENTAND CAN OBSTRUCT YOUR PROGRESS 4HE 0/7%2 CHECKLIST WHICH STANDS FOR 0OSITIVITY /WNERSHIP 7HAT7HEN %FFECTS AND 2OUTEWILL HELP YOU TURN VAGUE WANTS AND DESIRES INTO DElNITE FOCUSED AND ACHIEVABLE GOALS
0LAN OF !CTION
0
4HINK 0OSITIVELY %NVISION A SET OF GOALS THAT SHOW YOU WHERE YOU WANT TO BE IN THE FUTURE
/
/WN 9OUR 'OALS #HECK THAT YOU WISH TO ACHIEVE EACH GOAL FOR YOUR OWN SAKE NOT FOR ANYONE ELSE
7
3PECIFY 7HAT AND 7HEN 6ISUALIZE YOURSELF HAVING ACHIEVED EACH GOALTHIS WILL HELP YOU DElNE IT MORE CLEARLY
%
#ONSIDER !LL THE %FFECTS !SK YOURSELF WHAT IT WILL COST TO ACHIEVE EACH GOAL
2
4HINK ABOUT THE 2OUTE !SK YOURSELF WHAT RESOURCES YOU NEED TO ACHIEVE THE GOAL
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2EMOVE OR REPHRASE ANY GOALS THAT INCLUDE NEGATIVE WORDS SUCH AS hNOTv OR hDONTv
%NSURE GOALS MOVE TOWARD WHAT YOU WANT NOT JUST AWAY FROM WHAT YOU DONT
!SK YOURSELF WHAT YOU CAN DO TO BRING EACH GOAL ABOUT BY YOUR OWN ACTIONS
!SK YOURSELF HOW YOU CAN INmUENCE EVENTS THAT ARE OUTSIDE YOUR DIRECT CONTROL
&OR EACH GOAL SPECIFY EXACTLY WHAT WILL BE DIFFERENT WHEN IT HAS BEEN ACHIEVED
3ET SPECIlC DATES FOR ACHIEVING EACH GOAL
4HINK ABOUT THE WIDER EFFECTS OF ACHIEVING EACH GOAL
!SK YOURSELF HOW MUCH YOU REALLY WANT EACH GOAL
!SK YOURSELF WHO CAN ASSIST YOU IN ACHIEVING THE GOAL
!SK YOURSELF WHAT YOU CAN LEARN FROM ANY PREVIOUS ATTEMPTS TO ACHIEVE THE GOAL
HEN
ECTS
UTE
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0LACE THE 'OAL IN 9OUR &UTURE .OW THAT YOUR GOAL IS DElNED YOU NEED TO INSTALL IT INTO YOUR FUTURE 4O DO THIS YOU NEED TO lND OUT WHICH DIRECTION IN YOUR PERCEPTUAL SPACE SIGNIlES hFUTUREv TO YOU TO ENGAGE YOUR WHOLE BRAIN IN THE GOAL INSTALLATION
(ELP 9OUR 5NCONSCIOUS TO /RGANIZE 4IME "ECAUSE WE CANT SEE TIME WE TEND TO USE SPATIAL METAPHORS TO THINK AND TALK ABOUT IT 7E USE EXPRESSIONS LIKE hTHE DISTANT PAST v hTHE SHORT TERM v AND hTHE FAR FUTUREv 4HE IDEA OF TIME AS BEING A LINEAR SEQUENCE OF EVENTS IN WHICH ONE MOMENT FOLLOWS ANOTHER WILL FEEL QUITE FAMILIAR TO YOU 4HIS IS HOW YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND ORGANIZES YOUR PAST MEMORIESEVENTS THAT HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO FEEL FARTHER AWAY THAN SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY AND TWO HUNDRED YEARS IN THE FUTURE IS hA LONG WAY OFFv COMPARED TO YOUR PLANS FOR TOMORROW 9OU ALSO TALK ABOUT TIME AS HAVING A PARTICULAR DIRECTION RELATIVE TO YOUR VIEWPOINTFOR EXAMPLE h)VE PUT IT BEHIND ME v OR h)M LOOKING FORWARD TO THE SUMMERv 9OU ARE USED TO SEEING GRAPHS WHERE TIME GOES FROM LEFT TO RIGHT ALONG THE LOWER AXISIF YOU SAW ONE WITH THE FUTURE MOVING TOWARD YOU OR WITH TIME MOVING FROM RIGHT TO LEFT IT WOULD APPEAR STRANGE TO YOU BECAUSE TIME WOULD APPEAR TO BE hSHIFTINGv IN THE WRONG DIRECTION
,OOKING AT 9OUR 4IMELINE
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&UTURE
0AST
&UTURE .OW .OW
4HINK ABOUT HOW YOU VISUALIZE TIME AND YOUR OWN POSITIONING ON YOUR TIMELINE 4WO COMMON DIRECTIONS FOR TIMELINES ARE SHOWN ON THE LEFT )F YOU ARE MOVING TOWARD A PARTIALLY ACHIEVED GOAL YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO SEE YOURSELF ALREADY ON THE TIMELINES PATH
0AST
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$ISCOVER 9OUR 4IMELINE 7E ARE NOT USUALLY CONSCIOUSLY AWARE OF OUR SENSE OF THE FUTURES DIRECTION BUT IT IS VERY EASY TO DISCOVER IT AND BEING ABLE TO VISUALIZE IT CLEARLY WILL HELP YOUR FUTURE SEEM MORE REAL TO YOU
4HINK ABOUT TIME AS BEING LIKE A LINE WHERE ONE MOMENT FOLLOWS ANOTHER 4HE PAST IS AT ONE END OF THE LINE THE FUTURE AT THE OTHER AND hNOWv IS SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN !S YOU LOOK AT THAT LINE WHICH DIRECTION IS THE PAST 7HICH DIRECTION IS THE FUTURE .OTICE WHERE hNOWv IS WHERE YOU ARE OR AHEAD OF YOU *OIN THE PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE WITH A LINE AND NOTICE WHERE THAT LINE IS IN RELATION TO YOU 7HAT COLOR IS YOUR TIMELINE 4HE COLOR HAS NO PARTICULAR SIGNIlCANCE BUT IT WILL HELP YOU TO SEE THE TIMELINE MORE CLEARLY
#HOOSE 9OUR $IRECTION 4IMELINES MOST COMMONLY TAKE ONE OF TWO FORMS s 4HE FUTURE IS IN FRONT OF YOU THE PAST IS BEHIND YOU AND YOU ARE STANDING AT hNOWvTHIS FORM MAKES IT EASY TO BE hIN THE MOMENTv s 4HE FUTURE IS TO YOUR RIGHT THE PAST IS TO YOUR LEFT NOW IS A LITTLE IN FRONT OF YOUTHIS FORM CAN BE HELPFUL FOR TIME MANAGEMENT AND PUNCTUALITY ISSUES AS YOU CAN SEE WHERE EVENTS ARE IN RELATION TO EACH OTHER 4HESE ARE NOT THE ONLY POSSIBILITIESTIMELINES HAVE NO RIGHT OR WRONG DIRECTIONS 4AKE THE FORM THAT COMES NATURALLY IN A SITUATION AND USE IT IN YOUR VISUALIZATIONS
4)0 )F YOU DO NOT SEE YOUR TIMELINE CLEARLY IT
DOES NOT MATTER PROVIDED YOU HAVE A SENSE OF WHICH DIRECTION THE FUTURE IS IN AND WHERE hNOWv IS
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-AKE 9OUR 'OAL #OMPELLING 4HE lNAL STEP BEFORE INSTALLING YOUR GOAL IS TO MAKE YOUR MENTAL IMAGE OF THE GOAL AS VIVID AS POSSIBLE 9OU WANT A PICTURE THAT IS SO COMPELLING THAT IT PULLS YOU TOWARD IT WITHOUT YOUR HAVING TO TRY TO MOTIVATE YOURSELF 4O DO THIS TUNE UP THE IMAGE TO APPEAL TO ALL OF YOUR SENSES s 4URN UP THE VISUAL QUALITIES OF THE IMAGE -AKE IT VIVID AND COMPELLING BUT NOT GARISH AS IT HAS TO REMAIN REALISTIC TO MAXIMIZE ITS EMOTIONAL IMPACT 4HEN STEP INTO IT IF YOU ARE NOT THERE ALREADY SO THAT YOU ARE SEEING IT AS IF YOU WERE REALLY THERE s 4URN UP THE SOUND AND THE SENSATIONS 7HAT DO YOU HEAR 7HAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO HAVE ACHIEVED YOUR GOALAND TO KNOW YOU DESERVED IT -AKE ANY lNAL ADJUSTMENTS THAT YOU NEED TO AND TURN UP THOSE GOOD FEELINGS EVEN MORE s .OW STEP BACK OUT OF THE PICTURE )F YOU STAYED IN IT YOU COULD DAYDREAM ABOUT THE GOAL FOREVER WITHOUT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT 3TEPPING OUT REMINDS YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT THERE YETAND YOU HAVE TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN IN THE REAL WORLD IN ORDER TO GET THERE
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4%#(.)15%3 TO PRACTICE
5SE YOUR TIMELINE AS A TOOL IN THIS EFFECTIVE TECHNIQUE FOR FAST RELAXATION 9OU SHOULD lND THAT IT WILL HELP YOU TO TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF UNCOMFORTABLE EMOTIONS AND WILL GIVE YOU SOME PERSPECTIVE IF YOU NEED TO MAKE A TOUGH DECISION #LOSE YOUR EYES AND BECOME AWARE OF YOUR TIMELINE
!LLOW YOURSELF TO mOAT ABOVE hNOW v OR LET THE TIMELINE SINK AWAY BENEATH YOU &LOAT UP UNTIL YOU REACH A HEIGHT AT WHICH YOU ARE COMFORTABLE .OTICE HOW YOU FEEL mOATING ABOVE THE TIMELINE COMPARED TO BEING AT TIMELINE LEVEL 7HEN YOU FEEL RELAXED mOAT DOWN AND OPEN YOUR EYES
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#REATING 9OUR 6ISION %XPERIENCING YOUR GOAL AS IF IT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED MAKES IT REAL TO YOU AND STRENGTHENS YOUR FEELING THAT IT IS NOT ONLY POSSIBLE BUT IS DElNITELY GOING TO HAPPEN
3EE 9OURSELF IN THE 0ICTURE !S YOU LOOK AT YOUR IMAGE OF THE GOAL YOU SHOULD FEEL A POWERFUL MOTIVATING PULL TO GET THERE
3PECIFY 7HO )S 4HERE WITH 9OU 3EEING WHO WILL BE WITH YOU IN YOUR FUTURE WILL INCREASE YOUR EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH THE GOAL
-AKE 3URE THE 0ICTURE )S "RIGHT ! BIG BRIGHT COMPELLING IMAGE WILL ENGAGE YOUR HEART AS WELL AS YOUR INTELLECT
4)0 )F YOUR GOAL IS NOT MOTIVATING ENOUGH MAKE SURE THAT IT MEETS ALL THE 0/7%2 CRITERIA AND EXPERIMENT WITH MAKING IT MORE VIVID
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)NSTALL 9OUR 'OAL h0LANTINGv A GOAL INTO YOUR FUTURE TIMELINE MAKES IT PART OF THE LANDSCAPE OF YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND AND WILL GIVE YOU A FEELING OF CERTAINTY THAT YOUR GOAL IS GOING TO HAPPEN YOUR UNCONSCIOUS WILL TREAT IT AS THOUGH IT ALREADY HAS 4HE INSTALLATION CAN BE A VERY POWERFUL PROCESS EMOTIONALLY WHICH HAS THE BENElT OF EMBEDDING YOUR GOAL STRONGLY IN YOUR MEMORY AND YOUR THOUGHTS -AKE SURE THAT YOUR GOAL MEETS THE 0/7%2 CRITERIA AND IS AS VIVID AS POSSIBLE BEFORE YOU INSTALL IT
#OMBINE 9OUR #ONSCIOUS AND 5NCONSCIOUS 4HE PROCESS IS DESIGNED TO WORK ON BOTH A CONSCIOUS AND AN UNCONSCIOUS LEVEL 9OU MAY lND THAT IDEAS AND IMAGES ABOUT HOW TO ACHIEVE THE GOAL START COMING TO YOU EITHER DURING THE INSTALLATION PROCESS OR SHORTLY AFTERWARD !NY RITUAL CONSISTENT WITH YOUR BELIEF SYSTEM THAT YOU WISH TO PERFORM BEFORE THE INSTALLATION SUCH AS SAYING A PRAYER OR BREATHING LIFE INTO THE PICTURE OF YOUR GOAL CAN ONLY HELP TO MAKE THE PROCESS MORE SIGNIlCANT FOR YOU
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THINK
3-!24 9OU MAY lND THAT mOATING YOUR GOAL INTO YOUR TIMELINEAN EQUALLY VALID ALTERNATIVE METHOD WORKS BETTER FOR YOU 3OME PEOPLE lND THIS VARIATION ON THE PROCESS DESCRIBED OPPOSITE IS AN EASIER WAY TO INSTALL THEIR GOAL INTO THEIR FUTURE &LOAT FORWARD ABOVE THE TIMELINE INTO THE FUTURE CARRYING YOUR GOAL WITH YOU 2ELEASE THE GOAL ABOVE THE TARGET DATE ,ET IT mOAT DOWN INTO THE TIMELINE AND EMBED ITSELF AS PART OF YOUR FUTURE &LOAT BACK TO NOW WATCHING EVENTS BETWEEN NOW AND THE TARGET DATE REALIGNING THEMSELVES TO HELP YOU REACH YOUR GOAL
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0LACING 9OUR 'OAL IN 9OUR 4IMELINE 9OU CAN FOLLOW THIS PROCESS ON YOUR OWN OR EVEN BETTER GET A FRIEND TO GUIDE YOU THROUGH EACH STEP LEAVING YOU FREE TO EXPERIENCE YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AS YOU GO "EFORE YOU START LAY YOUR TIMELINE OUT ON THE mOOR MAKING SURE YOU HAVE ENOUGH SPACE TO TAKE A STEP BEYOND THE POINT THAT REPRESENTS THE DATE BY WHICH YOU ARE GOING TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL
0UT YOUR IMAGE OF YOUR GOAL INTO AN IMAGINARY FRAME AND AS YOU HOLD IT STEP ONTO THE TIMELINE FACING THE FUTURE
7ALK ALONG THE TIMELINE INTO THE FUTURE CARRYING YOUR GOAL 3TOP WHEN THE GOAL IS DIRECTLY ABOVE THE TARGET DATE ,ET GO OF THE GOAL AND ALLOW IT TO SETTLE INTO YOUR TIMELINE
3TEP FORWARD INTO THE GOAL AND EXPERIENCE IT FULLYALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL THE SENSE OF ACHIEVEMENT
4AKE A STEP BEYOND YOUR GOAL AND TURN AROUND SO THAT YOU ARE LOOKING BACK AT THE SUCCESSFUL ACHIEVEMENT OF YOUR GOAL 9OU MAY NOTICE THAT THE EVENTS LEADING UP TO THE ACHIEVEMENT REALIGN THEMSELVES TO SUPPORT THE ACHIEVEMENT 7HAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR THE hYOUv BACK AT hNOWv 2ETURN TO hNOWv ALONG THE TIMELINE AND LOOK INTO THE FUTURE 9OU WILL HAVE A SENSE OF KNOWING THAT THE GOAL IS GOING TO HAPPEN
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.OW
4ARGET $ATE
&UTURE
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'ETTING 4HERE
.OW THAT YOU HAVE SET YOUR GOALS YOU HAVE TO GET OUT THERE AND MAKE THEM HAPPEN 4HIS CAN SEEM DAUNTINGUNLESS YOU CLEARLY IDENTIFY POTENTIAL ROUTES TO YOUR GOAL AND TAKE STEPS TO SAFEGUARD YOUR ENERGY AND COMMITMENT ALONG THE WAY 4HIS SECTION SHOWS YOU s 7HY IT IS IMPORTANT TO WRITE YOUR GOALS DOWN AND MAKE A PUBLIC COMMITMENT s 3TRATEGIES FOR FREEING UP YOUR ENERGY AND GETTING STARTED s (OW TO CREATE A DETAILED ROUTE TO YOUR GOAL s (OW TO STAY MOTIVATED AND LEARN FROM MISTAKES s 4 HE BENElTS OF LOOKING BEYOND MATERIAL AND PERFORMANCE GOALS
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-AKE 9OUR 'OALS (APPEN %VEN AFTER YOUR GOALS HAVE BEEN SET ITS IMPORTANT TO PLAN YOUR ROUTE TO THEM IN MANAGEABLE STEPS TO ENSURE THAT YOU DONT BECOME DISCOURAGED BY THE TASK 4HIS SECTION SHOWS YOU HOW TO TURN YOUR IDEAS INTO REALITY
3WITCH /FF 9OUR !UTOPILOT 4HE RESULTS WE GET COME FROM THE WAY IN WHICH OUR ACTIONS WORK WITH OUR ENVIRONMENT THE PEOPLE AROUND US THE RESOURCES AVAILABLE TO US AND RULES AND EXPECTATIONS OF SOCIETY 7E CANNOT CONTROL OUR ENVIRONMENT BUT WE ARE ABLE TO CHOOSE OUR ACTIONS 3O WHEN YOU )T TAKES AT CHANGE YOUR ACTIONS YOUR RESULTS CHANGE NOT ALWAYS PREDICTABLY LEAST DAYS WHICH IS WHY YOU NEED TO MONITOR TO ESTABLISH A THE RESULTS CLOSELY AND MAKE FURTHER NEW HABIT CHANGES IF YOU NEED TO -OST OF YOUR BEHAVIOR HAPPENS ON AUTOPILOT WITHOUT CONSCIOUS ANALYSIS 4HIS WORKS WELL ON A DAY TO DAY LEVEL SINCE YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE TIME TO THINK THROUGH EVERY SINGLE DECISION CONSCIOUSLY (OWEVER IT PRESENTS A CHALLENGE WHEN YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR
3TAY &OCUSED -AKING BEHAVIORAL CHANGE HAPPEN IS OFTEN COMPARED TO THE PROCESS OF TURNING AN OIL TANKER AROUND /LD HABITS HAVE THEIR OWN MOMENTUM 4HEY WILL REASSERT THEMSELVES AS SOON AS YOUR ATTENTION WANDERS UNTIL YOUR NEW HABITS HAVE HAD TIME TO BECOME ESTABLISHED 2EMEMBER THAT YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR GOALS AT THE FOREFRONT OF YOUR MIND
i
/NE OF THE ILLUSIONS OF LIFE IS THAT THE PRESENT HOUR IS NOT THE CRITICAL DECISIVE HOUR 7RITE IT ON YOUR HEART THAT EVERY DAY IS THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR
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#HANGING 9OUR "EHAVIOR #HANGE CAN HAPPEN SOONER THAN YOU EXPECT )T DOES TAKE TIME AND EFFORT BUT YOU CAN MAKE IT A LOT EASIER BY DOING IT THE SMART WAY RATHER THAN THE HARD WAY
7RITE YOUR GOALS DOWN 7HEN YOU WRITE YOUR GOALS DOWN THEY BECOME MORE REAL THAN WHEN YOU ONLY THINK ABOUT THEM OR EVEN TALK ABOUT THEM 7RITING THE GOALS lXES THEM IN YOUR MEMORY AND STOPS THEM FROM CHANGING OR FADING AWAY !S YOU WRITE YOUR GOALS YOU ACTIVATE THE PREFRONTAL CORTEX A PART OF YOUR BRAIN THAT DEALS WITH EXPECTATIONS DECISION MAKING AND CHOICEMAKING YOU MORE ABLE TO NOTICE AND CHANGE HABITUAL BEHAVIORS 0UT YOUR GOALS WHERE YOU WILL SEE THEM EVERY DAY (ANG THEM ON YOUR BEDROOM WALL SO THAT THEY ARE THE lRST THING YOU SEE WHEN YOU WAKE UP PIN THEM IN FRONT OF YOUR DESK AT WORK OR HAVE THEM AS A START UP MESSAGE OR SCREENSAVER ON YOUR COMPUTER (AVE THEM ACCESSIBLE AT ALL TIMES -AKE A PUBLIC COMMITMENT TO YOUR GOALS 4HIS TAKES YOUR GOALS ANOTHER STEP ALONG THE ROAD FROM IDEA TO REALITY 0EOPLE ARE SOCIAL ANIMALS AND YOU PROBABLY DO CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT THEM 5SE THAT CHARACTERISTIC TO HELP YOUR MOTIVATION BY TELLING PEOPLE YOU TRUST AND WHOSE OPINION YOU VALUE ABOUT YOUR GOALS
)MPLEMENTING #HANGE ()'( )-0!#4
4EAMING UP WITH A GOAL SETTING PARTNER TO PROVIDE SUPPORT L +EEPING YOUR GOALS VISIBLE AND CHECKING THEM EVERY FEW DAYS L $ISCUSSING YOUR GOALS WITH FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES L
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.%'!4)6% )-0!#4
4RYINGAND FAILINGTO MAKE THE JOURNEY ON YOUR OWN L 7RITING YOUR GOALS DOWN THEN PUTTING THEM AWAY IN A DRAWER L +EEPING YOUR GOALS TO YOURSELF AND GUARDING THEM AS YOUR SECRET L
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2EMEMBER THAT 9OU (AVE A #HOICE )N WESTERN SOCIETIES MANY PEOPLE HAVE HAD EVERYTHING DONE FOR THEM AS CHILDREN AND HAD LITTLE EARLY TRAINING IN TAKING RESPONSIBILITY $URING THE TEENAGE YEARS SIMPLE CHORES LIKE DOING THE DISHES BECOME BATTLEGROUNDS IN THE STRUGGLE FOR AN INDEPENDENT IDENTITY !S AN ADULT THIS BACKGROUND CAN LEAVE YOU WITH A FEELING OF RESENTMENT OF ANY TASK YOU hHAVEv TO DO %VEN IF THE TASK IS A VITAL STEP ON THE WAY TO SOMETHING YOU REALLY WANT YOU MAY lND YOURSELF DOING IT HALF HEARTEDLY WHILE INWARDLY COMPLAINING 4O GET AROUND THIS ATTITUDE REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE CHOOSING MINUTE YOUR COURSE OF ACTION .O ONE ELSE IS GOING TO STEP IN AND DO IT FOR YOU $O IT GLADLY BECAUSE IT WILL )F YOU REACH IMPASSE TAKE YOU CLOSER TO YOUR GOALS ON A TASK ON THE
&)8
WAY TO YOUR GOAL USE THIS PROMPT 4HE ANSWERS REMIND YOU WHY YOU NEED TO ACT AND SHOULD GET YOU BACK ON TRACK FAST L
7HAT PART DOES THIS
TASK PLAY IN MY PLAN L
)N WHAT WAY DOES IT
BRING ME CLOSER TO MY GOAL L
6ISUALIZE YOUR GOAL COMING CLOSER AS YOU COMPLETE THE TASK THEN GET STRAIGHT BACK TO WORK
3TAY ON 4RACK $ISPLACEMENT ACTIVITIES ARE WHAT YOU DO TO AVOID TACKLING SOME OTHER MORE IMPORTANT TASK TO WHICH YOU HAVE AN UNCONSCIOUS RESISTANCE !N EXAMPLE MIGHT BE CHECKING YOUR EMAILS WHEN YOU HAVE A CRUCIAL REPORT TO WRITE 4HE DISPLACEMENT ACTIVITY IS AN ATTEMPT TO REDUCE STRESS )T DOES NOT WORK BECAUSE AT THE BACK OF YOUR MIND IS THE NAGGING FEELING THAT THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE YOU SHOULD BE DOING 9OU WILL lND THAT THE BEST WAY TO REDUCE YOUR STRESS LEVELS IS TO GET STARTED ON YOUR MOST IMPORTANT TASK RIGHT AWAY
4)0 7ALK LIKE SOMEONE WHO IS CONlDENT )T WILL CHANGE HOW YOU FEEL
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'IVE 9OURSELF AN %NERGY "OOST /UR THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS INmUENCE THE PHYSICAL SYSTEMS OF THE BODYAND VICE VERSA )F YOU STAND SLUMPED OVER GAZING AT YOUR SHOES YOU WILL lND IT HARD TO THINK POSITIVELYBUT THE REVERSE IS ALSO TRUE 7HAT IS YOUR NORMAL POSTURE LIKE AND HOW HAS IT BEEN INmUENCING HOW YOU FEEL 7HAT CHANGES WILL YOU MAKE FROM NOW ON
3TRAIGHTEN 5P 3TANDING UP WITH ARMS OUTSPREAD YOULL lND IT EASIER TO ACCESS POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND EXCITEMENT
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,OOK 5P )T IS HARD TO FEEL UNHAPPY LOW ENERGY STATES WHEN YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD AND OUT AT THE WORLD
4HINK 0OSITIVE +EEP THE SAME POSITION AND LET EXCITING THOUGHTS mOW THROUGH YOU %XPERIENCE THEM FULLY FOR A MINUTE
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&OCUS ON 9OUR $ESIRED /UTCOME -OST THINGS BECOME EASIER WHEN YOU FOCUS ON THE END RESULT RATHER THAN ON THE SLOG OF GETTING THEREIT MOVES YOUR WAY OF THINKING FROM PASSIVE TO ACTIVE AND CLOSER TO BEING AT THE #AUSE END OF THE SPECTRUM
3TAY #LEAR ABOUT 9OUR 'OAL )F YOU ARE WORKING TOWARD A LONG TERM GOAL OR GOALS YOU MAY lND THAT OVER TIME YOUR FOCUS GETS BLUNTED A LITTLE )F YOU DISCUSS YOUR GOALS WITH OTHERS THEY MAY NOT ALWAYS BE SUPPORTIVE OTHER OUTSIDE FACTORS MAY RAISE DOUBTS IN YOUR MIND AND EVENTUALLY YOUR DETERMINATION MAY BEGIN TO FAIL 9OU CAN STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING ALONG THE WAY TO YOUR GOAL BY MAINTAINING A CONSTANT PROCESS OF ASSESSMENT %VEN IF YOUR GOAL REMAINS CONSTANT OTHER THINGS YOUR PERSONAL CIRCUMSTANCES OR RELATIONSHIPS OR THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF PEOPLE CLOSE TO YOUMAY CHANGE *UST BECAUSE YOU MAY NEED TO RECONSIDER THE ROUTE TO YOUR GOAL THOUGH DONT FALTER OR LOSE FOCUS 'O CALMLY BACK
#!3% STUDY 3PEAKING 5P IN -EETINGS +IM A MARKETING MANAGER FOUND IT HARD TO SPEAK UP IN IMPORTANT MEETINGS BECAUSE SHE FELT SELF CONSCIOUS 9ET IN OTHER AREAS OF HER WORK SHE WAS CONlDENT AND FOCUSED 3HE REALIZED THAT SHE WAS GOING INTO EACH MEETING WITHOUT A CLEAR IDEA OF WHAT SHE WANTED FROM IT EVEN THOUGH THE DECISIONS TO BE MADE WOULD HAVE A MAJOR IMPACT ON HER PROJECTS !FTER DISCUSSING THE ISSUE WITH HER COACH SHE DECIDED TO GET CLEAR BEFORE EACH MEETING ON THE WAY SHE WANTED IT TO GO )N THE NEXT MEETING +IM FOUND
HERSELF SPEAKING UP TO INmUENCE THE OUTCOME WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT s "ECAUSE SHE NOW HAD A DESIRED OUTCOME IN MIND +IMS ATTENTION WAS DIRECTED OUTSIDE HERSELF IN ORDER TO hREADv THE MOOD OF THE OTHER PARTICIPANTS RATHER THAN INWARD TO DWELL ON HER SENSE OF SELF CONSCIOUSNESS s 3HE BEGAN TO lND THAT EVEN OUTSIDE WORK PEOPLE LOOKED TO HER AS A LEADER IN MOST GROUPS IN WHICH SHE FOUND HERSELF
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4)0 )NCREASE YOUR EMOTIONAL ENGAGEMENT WITH
EACH STEP ALONG THE WAY BY ASKING YOURSELF h7HAT DOES THIS STEP MEAN TO ME v
OVER THE STEPS TO YOUR GOAL AND SEE IF ANY OF THEM NEED TO CHANGE TO TAKE ACCOUNT OF OTHER CHANGES
7ORK "ACKWARD
-ILESTONES TO 9OUR 'OAL
%VEN WHEN PEOPLE HAVE SET A COMPELLING GOAL FOR THEMSELVES THEY MAY STRUGGLE WITH KNOWING WHERE TO START /F ALL THE POSSIBLE ACTIONS THAT LIE BEFORE YOU WHICH STEP SHOULD YOU TAKE lRST 7HEN YOU INSTALLED YOUR GOAL ON THE TIMELINE SOME OF THE MILESTONES ALONG THE WAY TO YOUR GOAL MAY HAVE POPPED INTO YOUR MIND AS YOU WALKED BACK TO hNOWv 4O BE SURE YOU ARE CLEAR ABOUT THE BEST PATH TO YOUR GOAL USE THE MORE LEFT BRAINED APPROACH SHOWN IN THE mOWCHART ON THE RIGHT )T IS BASED ON THE PRINCIPLE THAT YOU WILL lND IT EASIER TO ESTABLISH THE ROUTE TO YOUR GOAL WHEN YOU START FROM WHERE YOU WANT TO BE AND WORK BACKWARD "EST OF ALL IT OFFERS YOU A CLEAR PATH OF ACTION SO THAT YOU KNOW NOT ONLY WHAT COMES lRST BUT WHAT COMES NEXT TOO
103_ED245_US 103 '&)U;:(*+U9COAU'&)
4AKE A LARGE SHEET OF PAPER AND WRITE YOUR GOAL AT THE RIGHT HAND EDGE )MAGINE THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY ACHIEVED YOUR GOAL
!SK YOURSELF WHAT CONDITIONS NEEDED TO BE IN PLACE BEFORE THIS GOAL HAPPENED IN ORDER FOR IT TO BE ACHIEVED 7RITE EACH CONDITION TO THE LEFT OF THE GOAL
$RAW ARROWS JOINING THE CONDITIONS TO THE GOAL 4REAT EACH OF THESE CONDITIONS AS THE RESULT OF SOME OTHER PREVIOUS CONDITIONS
!SK h7HAT CONDITIONS NEEDED TO BE IN PLACE IN ORDER FOR THIS TO HAPPEN v 7RITE THEM IN THEIR APPROPRIATE PLACES TO THE LEFT OF THE RESULTS
+EEP WORKING BACKWARD UNTIL YOU ARRIVE AT YOUR lRST STEP 9OU NOW HAVE THE ESSENTIAL hMILESTONESv ALONG THE WAY TO YOUR GOAL
& / #5 3 / . 9/ 5 2 $ % 3 ) 2 % $ / 5 4#/ - %
31/7/06 4:59:31 pm ''%*%&,,0*&0(&fc
0LAY TO 9OUR 3TRENGTHS .OBODY CAN BE A STAR AT EVERYTHING 4RYING TO FOLLOW SOMEONE ELSES FORMULA FOR SUCCESS CAN MEAN WE TRY TO BECOME SOMETHING WE ARE NOT AND THEN BLAME OURSELVES WHEN THE FORMULA TURNS OUT NOT TO SUIT US
3TAY !WARE 2EMEDYING ANY GAPS IN YOUR SKILLS THAT HOLD YOU BACK AND FACING THE CHALLENGES OF LEARNING NEW WAYS OF BEHAVING CAN BE EXTREMELY USEFULBUT IF THAT IS ALL THAT YOU DO LIFE WILL BE A CONSTANT ROUND OF HARD WORK AND YOU MAY lND YOUR MOTIVATION EBBING !DAPTATION INEVITABLY TAKES ENERGY TO MAKE YOUR PATH TO SUCCESS SUSTAINABLE YOU ALSO NEED TO PLAY TO YOUR STRENGTHS BY USING WHAT YOU ARE NATURALLY GOOD AT 4HE BETTER YOU KNOW YOURSELF AND THE WAYS IN WHICH YOU ARE LIKELY TO RESPOND IN ANY SITUATION THE EASIER IT WILL BE TO CHOOSE THE PATH THAT WORKS FOR YOU s .OTICE WHICH ASPECTS OF GETTING TO YOUR GOAL ENTHUSE YOU AND WHICH ARE MORE OF A CHORE )F YOU CAN lND WAYS TO MAKE THE CHORES EASIER BY DELEGATING THEM TO SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS GOOD AT THEM 2EMEMBER YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO DO EVERYTHING YOURSELF s -AKE SURE THAT ALL THE ACTIONS NECESSARY TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL ARE COVERED BY SOMEONE ELSE IF NOT BY YOUTHE TEMPTATION COULD BE TO NEGLECT THE ONES THAT DONT COME NATURALLY TO YOU
5SING (ELP %FFECTIVELY ()'( )-0!#4
&ACING UP TO ALL THE TASKS THAT MUST BE DONE FOR YOU TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL L $ELEGATING WHERE NECESSARY L 4AKING ON THOSE TASKS FOR WHICH YOU HAVE A NATURAL ABILITY AND ENJOYING WORKING ON THEM L
.%'!4)6% )-0!#4
,OOKING ONLY AT THOSE TASKS THAT YOU ARE CONlDENT YOU CAN DO YOURSELF L 2EFUSING TO DELEGATE ANY JOBS L 7ORKING ON A HOST OF TASKS SIMULTANEOUSLY AND FAILING TO ENJOY ANY OF THEM L
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2AISE 9OUR 3ELF !WARENESS 7HEN YOUR SELF KNOWLEDGE IS STRONG YOU BECOME LESS LIKELY TO SABOTAGE YOUR EFFORTS UNCONSCIOUSLY BECAUSE YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH HOW YOU THINK AND OPERATE 5SE THESE QUESTIONS TO LEARN MORE ABOUT YOURSELF
$O YOU RECHARGE YOUR ENERGIES BY GOING OUT WITH LOTS OF 4HERE MAY BE PEOPLE OR BY RELAXING ON YOUR SEVERAL OWN OR WITH A CLOSE FRIEND OR DIFFERENT PARTNER )F THE ANSWER IS hLOTS OF PATHS TO THE PEOPLE v YOUR PATH TO YOUR GOALS NEEDS TO INCLUDE PLENTY OF SAME GOAL OPPORTUNITIES FOR SOCIALIZING OR WORKING IN A GROUP TO KEEP YOUR ENERGY LEVELS HIGH )F THE OTHER OPTION APPEALS MORE MAKE SURE YOU BUILD IN SOME hMEv TIME IN WHICH YOU CAN RESTORE YOUR ENERGY (OW DO YOU KNOW YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB $O YOU hJUST KNOWv OR DO YOU NEED TO HEAR IT FROM OTHER PEOPLE )F YOU NEED LOTS OF FEEDBACK CONSIDER WHERE YOU WILL BE GETTING THIS FROM ON THE WAY TO YOUR GOALIF YOU DONT GET ENOUGH YOU MAY START TO DOUBT YOUR OWN ABILITIES AND THIS DOUBT WILL IN TURN DILUTE THE EFFORT THAT YOU ARE PUTTING IN AND MAKE IT HARDER FOR YOU TO REACH YOUR GOAL )F YOU hJUST KNOW v YOU MAY WANT TO SOUND OUT A SECOND OPINION OCCASIONALLY TO GET A BALANCED VIEW OF YOUR PROGRESS AND TO ENSURE THAT YOU STAY ON TRACK AND THAT YOUR VISION OF THE END GOAL REMAINS CLEAR !RE YOU MORE AT EASE WITH DETAILS OR WITH THE BIG PICTURE )F YOU ARE A DETAIL PERSON YOU MAY NEED DELIBERATELY TO REMIND YOURSELF OF YOUR ULTIMATE GOAL FROM TIME TO TIME SO YOU DONT GET LOST IN THE TRIVIA OF DAY TO DAY LIVING AND MIRED DOWN IN THE MINUTIAE OF EVERYDAY LIFE )F YOU ARE MORE INTERESTED IN THE BIG PICTURE IT MAY BE WISE TO ENLIST THE HELP OF SOMEONE ELSE TO CHECK THE DETAILS FOR YOU IN CASE YOU HAVE MISSED SOMETHING
105_ED245_US 105 '&+U;:(*+U9COAU'&+
0 , !9 4 / 9/ 5 2 3 4 2 % . ' 4 ( 3
31/7/06 4:59:34 pm ''%*%&,,0*&0(*fc
$EAL WITH /VERLOAD 3OMETIMES THERE JUST SEEMS TO BE TOO MUCH TO DO AND BIG PROJECTS CAN SEEM OVERWHELMING )F YOU HAVE FOLLOWED THE PREVIOUS GUIDELINES THIS SHOULDNT HAPPEN OFTEN BUT HERES HOW TO DEAL WITH IT WHEN IT DOES
$ONT $O TOO -UCH )F YOU HAVE TOO MANY PROJECTS GOING AT ONCE YOU WILL HAVE TO MAKE SOME CHOICES ABOUT WHICH ONES YOU ARE GOING TO COMPLETE AND WHICH YOU WANT TO PUT ON THE BACK BURNER 2EFER BACK TO YOUR hSIX YEAR THREE YEAR ONE YEARv GOAL SHEET TO REMIND YOU OF YOUR PRIORITIES 'ET INTO THE HABIT OF SAYING NO TO ANY NEW PROJECTS UNTIL YOU HAVE YOUR CURRENT COMMITMENTS UNDER CONTROL )F A TASK SEEMS TOO BIG AND OVERWHELMING TO GET STARTED BREAK IT DOWN INTO SMALLER TASKS UNTIL YOU REACH A SIZE THAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH +EEP YOUR END GOAL IN MIND -ANAGE 9OUR 0ROJECT "REAK BIG AND REMEMBER THAT EACH TASKS DOWN AS IF YOU WERE BUILDING A SMALLER TASK IS ANOTHER STEP HOUSEDIVIDE THEM INTO MANAGEABLE STAGES AND DEAL WITH THEM ONE BY ONE TOWARD IT
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31/7/06 4:59:36 pm ''%*%&,,0*&0(.fc
t
4%#(.)15%3 TO PRACTICE
5SE A SYSTEM THAT WORKS FOR GETTING THINGS DONE LEARN NOT TO PROCRASTINATE 7HEN YOU FAIL TO TAKE ACTION ITS USUALLY BECAUSE YOU DONT WANT TO TAKE ON A CHORE 9OU NOTICE THAT A CHORE NEEDS DOING THINK ABOUT HOW BORING DOING IT WILL BE DECIDE NOT TO DO IT YET THEN GO AROUND THE SAME LOOP UNTIL YOU CANT PUT OFF DOING IT ANY LONGER 4HIS TAKES MORE ENERGY
THAN DOING IT RIGHT AWAY 5SE THIS TECHNIQUE WHENEVER YOU FEEL YOURSELF BEGIN TO PROCRASTINATE 4AKE YOUR LEAST FAVORITE CHORE )MAGINE HOW GOOD THINGS WILL BE WHEN YOU HAVE COMPLETED THE TASK AND HOW GOOD YOU WILL FEEL AS A RESULT +EEPING THIS IMAGE IN MIND GIVE lVE MINUTES OF YOUR FULL ATTENTION TO THE TASK AND SEE HOW FAR YOU GET
'ET 4HINGS IN 0ERSPECTIVE 5SE YOUR TIMELINE TO HELP YOU PUT +EEP YOUR YOUR WORK INTO PERSPECTIVE AND GAIN AN OVERALL FOCUS ON WHAT YOU COMMITMENT HAVE TO DO -ENTALLY LAY YOUR LEVELS IN MIND TIMELINE OUT ON THE mOOR WITH THE AT ALL TIMES PROJECT START AND END DATES MARKED OUT ON IT 3TEP AWAY FROM YOUR TIMELINE AND GIVE YOURSELF ENOUGH DISTANCE TO SEE THE TASK IN THE CONTEXT OF THE TIME BEFORE IT STARTED AND THE TIME AFTER IT IS COMPLETE 4HIS WILL GIVE YOU A MORE ACCURATE PERSPECTIVE ON IT AND REDUCE YOUR FEELINGS OF hOVERWHELMv UNTIL YOU HAVE YOUR CURRENT COMMITMENTS UNDER CONTROL AND HAVE TIME TO THINK ABOUT WHETHER YOU HAVE THE SPACE TO TAKE ON MORE
4)0 ,EAVE SOME UNCOMMITTED hCONTINGENCY TIMEv FOR THINGS YOU HAVE OVERLOOKED OR THAT NEED lXING UNEXPECTEDLYDONT lLL YOUR SCHEDULE COMPLETELY
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$ % ! , 7 ) 4 ( / 6 % 2 ,/! $
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3UMMARY -AKING 'OALS (APPEN !CHIEVING YOUR GOALS TAKES COMMITMENT AND FOCUSBUT WITH A PROPERLY PLANNED ROUTE AND REALISTIC MANAGEABLE STAGES THE PROCESS SHOULD NOT FEEL TOO OVERWHELMING 0LAY TO YOUR STRENGTHS BUT DONT NEGLECT THE LESS ENJOYABLE STEPS OR STAGES ALONG THE WAY WITH OUTSIDE HELP ADVICE OR TRAINING YOU CAN ALMOST ALWAYS OVERCOME ANY PERSONAL LIMITATIONS )F YOU MAKE A START EVERYTHING ELSE WILL SOON FALL INTO PLACE
0LAN OF !CTION
&OCUS ON 9OUR 'OALS 4AKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR GOALSREMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU HAVE CHOSEN THESE GOALS
7RITE YOUR GOALS DOWN AND lX THEM IN YOUR MIND
7ORK THROUGH THE 3TAGES 7RITE DOWN ONE OF YOUR GOALS ON THE RIGHT HAND SIDE OF A LARGE PIECE OF PAPER
3TARTING WITH THE GOAL AND WORKING BACKWARD IDENTIFY EACH STEP NEEDED TO REACH IT
$EAL WITH /VERLOAD 6ISUALIZE THE TIMELINE LAID OUT ON THE mOOR AND hSTEP BACKv TO GAIN A WIDER PERSPECTIVE
$ONT DO TOO MUCH AT ONCE SAY NO TO NEW PROJECTS UNTIL CURRENT ONES ARE UNDER CONTROL
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+EEP YOUR GOALS WHERE YOU CAN SEE THEM EVERY DAY
-AKE A PUBLIC COMMITMENT TELL SOMEONE YOU TRUST OR TEAM UP WITH A PARTNER
)DENTIFY THE STEPS THAT YOULL ENJOY OR lND EASY AND THOSE THAT YOULL lND MORE DIFlCULT
&ACE UP TO THE WEAKER AREAS EITHER DELEGATE OR TAKE STEPS TO REMEDY YOUR WEAKNESSES
"REAK DIFlCULT TASKS DOWN INTO SMALLER MORE EASILY MANAGEABLE STAGES
-AKE A STARTEVEN IF YOU CAN ONLY GIVE lVE MINUTES YOULL FEEL BETTER FOR HAVING STARTED
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3 5 - - ! 29 - ! + ) . ' ' /! , 3 ( ! 0 0 % .
31/7/06 4:59:44 pm ''%*%&,,0*'0+'fc
,IVE 5P TO 9OUR 3ELF )MAGE 0SYCHOLOGISTS HAVE FOUND THAT PEOPLE TEND TO ACT IN LINE WITH THEIR SELF IMAGE )F YOU SEE YOURSELF AS AN ACHIEVEMENT ORIENTED PERSON YOU ARE MORE LIKELY TO TAKE THE ACTIONS THAT WILL LEAD TO ACHIEVEMENT
-AKE A 3TART 9OU WILL lND THAT AS SOON AS YOU TAKE A SMALL STEP IN THE DIRECTION YOU WANT TO GO YOU WILL BEING TO SEE YOURSELF AS THAT KIND OF PERSON &OR EXAMPLE IF YOU HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO FACE CLEARING OUT THE CLUTTER IN YOUR HOME YOU CAN GET YOURSELF STARTED BY COMMITTING TO CLEARING /NCE A START OUT JUST ONE DRAWERAND THEN HAS BEEN ACTUALLY DOING IT 4HIS MAKES IT MADE THE JOB LIKELY THAT YOU WILL GO ON AND CLEAR WILL SOON BE OUT MORE CLUTTERIF NOT RIGHT COMPLETED AWAY THEN THE FOLLOWING DAY )T ALSO GIVES YOU A REFERENCE EXPERIENCE OF KEEPING A COMMITMENT TO YOURSELF SO THAT YOU START TO SEE YOURSELF AS A PERSON WHO DELIVERS ON YOUR PROMISES ,IKE ANY OTHER BELIEF SELF IMAGE BECOMES A SELF FULlLLING PROPHECY THAT MAKES IT EASIER TO TAKE ACTION TOWARD YOUR GOALS IN THE FUTURE 4HE MORE REFERENCE EXPERIENCES YOU CREATE THE MORE YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AS AN ACHIEVER
7ATCH 9OURSELF #HANGE /NE OF THE WAYS IN WHICH MANY PEOPLE MAKE THEMSELVES FEEL BAD IS BY PERPETUALLY COMPARING THEIR PERFORMANCE WITH THAT OF SOMEONE ELSE AND lNDING THEMSELVES LACKING ! MORE EFFECTIVE WAY OF MONITORING YOUR PERFORMANCE IS TO COMPARE WHERE YOU ARE NOW WITH WHERE YOU 4)0 2ATHER THAN USED TO BE AND NOTICE COMPARE YOURSELF WITH HOW FAR YOU HAVE COME PEOPLE YOU ADMIRE LET AND THE PROGRESS THAT YOU THEM INSPIRE YOU HAVE MADE ' % 4 4 ) . ' 4 ( % 2 %
110_ED245_US 110 &/,#''-#;:(*+#7Y^_[l[=eWbi$_dZZ''&
31/7/06 4:59:50 pm '(%*%&,(0))0*-fc
2EINFORCE 9OUR -OTIVATION 0SYCHOLOGISTS AND ANIMAL TRAINERS HAVE FOUND THAT THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO HELP BOTH HUMANS AND ANIMALS FORM NEW HABITS IS TO REWARD AND REINFORCE GETTING THINGS RIGHT RATHER THAN PUNISHING MISTAKES 9OU CAN USE THIS PRINCIPLE TO SUSTAIN YOUR MOTIVATION
7HEN YOU ARE LEARNING A NEW SKILL OR PRACTICING NEW BEHAVIORS FOCUS ON THE IMPROVEMENTS OVER YOUR PREVIOUS PERFORMANCE RATHER THAN GIVING YOURSELF A HARD TIME ABOUT ANY MISTAKES OR OMISSIONS 2EWARD YOURSELF FOR REACHING EACH MILESTONE TO KEEP YOUR MOTIVATION HIGHYOU DO NOT HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL YOUVE ACHIEVED THE lNAL GOAL TO START TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT 4AKE A MOMENT AT THE END OF EACH DAY TO NOTICE WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO BRING YOU CLOSER TO YOUR GOAL 4HIS PROVIDES BEHAVIORAL REINFORCEMENT TO YOUR UNCONSCIOUS MIND LETTING IT KNOW THAT IT IS ON THE RIGHT %NVISAGE 9OURSELF AS A 7INNER TRACK AND ENCOURAGING IT TO DO 0ICTURE YOURSELF AS A SUCCESS AND IT IS MORE OF THE SAME MORE LIKELY THAT YOU WILL BECOME ONE
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4AKE #ARE OF 9OURSELF 4HE JOURNEY TO REACH YOUR GOALS MAY BE LONG AND SOME TIMES WILL BE EASIER THAN OTHERS )N ORDER TO GET THERE YOU NEED TO MAKE WISE USE OF EVERYTHING YOU HAVE ESPECIALLY OF YOUR MOST PRECIOUS RESOURCE YOUR ENERGY
"E +IND TO 9OUR "ODY 9OU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO YOUR MOOD AND EMOTIONAL STABILITY /NE OF THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAYS IS TO GIVE UP COFFEE #AFFEINE ALSO PRESENT IN SMALLER DOSES IN TEA COLA AND CHOCOLATE MIMICS THE EFFECT OF ADRENALINE TO GIVE YOU AN ENERGY SURGE FOLLOWED BY A DIP 4HIS CAN HAVE A ROLLER COASTER EFFECT ON YOUR EMOTIONS 3UGARY FOODS HAVE A SIMILAR EFFECT )F YOU DO DECIDE TO REDUCE YOUR CAFFEINE LEVELS DO IT GRADUALLY REDUCING YOUR INTAKE IN INCREMENTS OF ONE CUP PER DAY TO AVOID THE HEADACHES THAT SOMETIMES ACCOMPANY AN ABRUPT WITHDRAWAL
t
4%#(.)15%3 TO PRACTICE
,EARN TO USE YOUR UNCONSCIOUS TO HELP YOU DROP BAD HABITS AND ADDRESS THEIR UNDERLYING CAUSES %STABLISH WHAT PURPOSE YOUR UNCONSCIOUS THINKS THESE BEHAVIORS ARE SERVING 7HEN YOU lND THIS IT WILL BE EASIER TO GIVE THE HABITS UP #LOSE YOUR EYES STILL YOUR MIND AND CALL UP AN IMAGE REPRESENTING THE HABIT )T MAY BE THE LITTLE VOICE THAT NAGS YOU INTO WANTING ANOTHER CIGARETTE FOR EXAMPLE
4HANK THE IMAGE FOR COMMUNICATING WITH YOU )F YOU HAVE A DISLIKE OF YOUR OWN HABIT THIS MAY BE TOUGH REMEMBER YOUR UNCONSCIOUS WISHES THE BEST FOR YOU !SK THE IMAGE WHAT IT IS TRYING TO DO FOR YOU 7AIT FOR ITS ANSWER WHICH MAY ARRIVE AS A THOUGHT OR AN IMAGE 4HINK OF OTHER WAYS OF ACHIEVING THE SAME END WITHOUT THE DRAWBACKS #HECK THAT THEY ARE AS EFFECTIVE AT FULlLLING THE GOOD INTENTION BEHIND THE BAD HABIT
' % 4 4 ) . ' 4 ( % 2 %
112_ED245_US 112 ''(U;:(*+U9COAU''(
31/7/06 4:59:53 pm ''%*%&,,0*&0*)fc
-AINTAIN 9OUR %NERGY ()'( )-0!#4
4HINKING LONG TERMEATING WELL AND EXERCISING REGULARLY TO KEEP YOUR ENERGY STABLE L 2ECOGNIZING ENERGY DIPS AND BALANCING YOUR ACTIVITIES TO MINIMIZE THEM L %NSURING THAT YOU CONSISTENTLY GET ENOUGH SLEEP TO AWAKE REFRESHED EACH MORNING AND REMAIN ALERT THROUGH THE DAY L
.%'!4)6% )-0!#4
5SING QUICK lXESSUGAR CAFFEINE OR NICOTINETO MAINTAIN YOUR ENERGY LEVELS L )GNORING ENERGY DIPS AND WORKING STRAIGHT THROUGH THEM TO THE POINT OF EXHAUSTION L -AINTAINING ERRATIC SLEEPING HABITS AND TREATING EITHER TIREDNESS OR SLEEPLESSNESS WITH MEDICATION L
,EARN TO )NTERPRET 9OUR 3YMPTOMS 5NHEALTHY LIFESTYLES ARE A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR TO MANY ILLNESSES 3OMETIMES PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS CAN BE EARLY WARNING SIGNS THAT YOUR LIFESTYLE NEEDS TO CHANGE 3TRESS HEADACHES MAY BE A SIGN THAT YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD PERSISTENT INDIGESTION MAY BE INDICATING THAT A CHANGE OF DIET IS NEEDED AND SO ON )F YOU IGNORE THESE SYMPTOMS OR SIMPLY SUPPRESS THEM WITH OVER THE COUNTER MEDICATION THE WARNING MESSAGE MAY BE RE SENT IN A WAY THAT IS HARDER TO IGNORE !S WELL AS CONSULTING YOUR PHYSICIAN WHEN SYMPTOMS APPEAR YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BY ASKING YOURSELF OR THE PART OF THE BODY WHERE THE SYMPTOM APPEARS h)F THIS IS A MESSAGE FOR ME WHAT IS IT TRYING TO TELL ME v 7HEN YOU GET AN ANSWER THAT MAKES SENSE TO YOU ACT ON IT )T IS MUCH BETTER TO MAKE A SMALL ADJUSTMENT TO YOUR LIFESTYLE NOW THAN TO RISK A MAJOR CHANGE FORCED BY ILLNESS FARTHER DOWN THE LINE
i
4HE NAME OF THE GAME IS TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF BECAUSE YOURE GOING TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO WISH YOU HAD
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'RACE -IRABELLA
4! + % # ! 2 % / & 9/ 5 2 3 % , &
31/7/06 4:59:55 pm ''%*%&,,0*&0*+fc
,EARN FROM 9OUR -ISTAKES 5NLESS YOU ARE VERY LUCKY NOT EVERY SINGLE STEP ALONG THE PATH TO YOUR GOAL WILL GO SMOOTHLY $EAL WITH MISTAKES AND UNFORESEEN PROBLEMS BY LOOKING ON THEM AS OPPORTUNITIES FROM WHICH YOU CAN LEARN
4AKE 0ROBLEMS IN 3TRIDE 7HEN SOMETHING DOES NOT TURN OUT AS YOU EXPECTED ASK YOURSELF h7HAT DO ) NEED TO LEARN FROM THIS v AND CREATE SOME MENTAL SPACE FOR THE ANSWER TO COME TO YOU !SKING THIS QUESTION MEANS THAT YOU WILL LEARN FROM MISTAKES )F YOU CHOOSE NOT TO LEARN FROM A PARTICULAR MISTAKE LIFE WILL KEEP SENDING YOU MORE OPPORTUNITIES TO LEARN THAT LESSON UNTIL YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS TRYING TO TELL YOU
2EMAIN 2EALISTIC /NE SURE lRE WAY NOT TO LEARN FROM THE LESSONS THAT LIFE GIVES US IS TO PRETEND THAT THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS AT ALL 3OMETIMES WHEN THINGS ARE GOING WELL IT CAN SEEM AS THOUGH THAT IS THE CASE "UT IF YOU BELIEVE THAT EVERYTHING MUST BE PERFECT THE TEMPTATION IS TO IGNORE ANY SIGNS THAT
THINK
3-!24 3TAY ON TRACK AND AVOID UNPLEASANT SURPRISES BY MAKING A hMINESWEEPv FROM TIME TO TIME TO CHECK FOR ANYTHING THAT COULD KNOCK YOU OFF COURSE 4HE FUNCTION OF A MINESWEEP IS TO ALERT YOU TO ANY CHANGED CIRCUMSTANCES SINCE YOU SET YOUR GOAL L
7HAT HAS NOT TURNED OUT AS ) EXPECTED
7HAT DO ) NEED TO KEEP AN EYE ON 7HAT NEEDS MY ATTENTION RIGHT NOW L 7HAT IF ANYTHING AM ) NOT ADMITTING TO MYSELF 4AKE THE APPROPRIATE ACTION TO DEAL WITH ANY CONCERNS THAT THESE QUESTIONS HIGHLIGHT BEFORE MOVING ON L
L
' % 4 4 ) . ' 4 ( % 2 %
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t
4%#(.)15%3 TO PRACTICE
4HIS IS A QUICK WAY TO BURST OUT OF THE hSTUCKv FEELING THAT CAN HAPPEN WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE A SETBACK )T HELPS YOU TO RECOVER YOUR EQUILIBRIUM REGAIN YOUR CONTROL AND START MOVING FORWARD AGAIN 7HAT STANDS BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR NEXT MILESTONE )DENTIFY AS MANY ELEMENTS OF THE PROBLEM AS POSSIBLE 4AKE EACH ELEMENT AND DECIDE
WHETHER IT IS WITHIN YOUR POWER TO lX IT OR NOT $ECIDE WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO ABOUT EACH ELEMENT THAT YOU CAN lXAND DO IT $OES WHAT IS LEFT STILL STOP YOU FROM REACHING YOUR MILESTONE )F IT DOES ASK FOR HELP OR TAKE A DIFFERENT ROUTE TO GET TO YOUR GOAL !SK YOURSELF WHAT YOU NEED TO LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE
IT IS NOT 'ENERALLY THE LONGER A PROBLEM IS LEFT WITHOUT BEING DEALT WITH THE MORE EFFORT IT TAKES TO lX 4HE OTHER DRAWBACK TO EXTREME OPTIMISM IS THAT IT LEADS TO AN EASILY DISTURBED STATE OF MIND 7HEN THINGS DO GO WRONG IT BECOMES TOO EASY TO TAKE IT PERSONALLY TO RESENT THE WORLD FOR MAKING YOU SUFFER AND TO LOOK FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO BLAMENONE OF WHICH HELPS YOU TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM
!CCEPT 5NCERTAINTY 7HEN YOU ACCEPT THAT LIFE IS NOT PERFECT IT BECOMES EASIER TO SEE PROBLEMS COMING AND PREVENT THEM FROM HAPPENING )T ALSO ENABLES YOU TO LEARN FROM WHATEVER HAPPENS /NCE YOU ARE CONlDENT THAT YOU WILL LEARN FROM WHATEVER THE FUTURE BRINGS A LOT OF THE REASONS FOR WORRYING ABOUT THINGS GOING WRONG WILL DISAPPEAR
4)0 )T IS EASY TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF WHEN
THINGS ARE GOING WELL 9OU SHOW YOUR TRUE CHARACTER IN THE STRENGTH WITH WHICH YOU RESPOND TO SETBACKS
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, % ! 2 . & 2 / - 9/ 5 2 - ) 3 4! + % 3
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"EYOND 9OUR 'OALS !S YOU MOVE TOWARD YOUR GOALS YOU ARE ALSO CHANGING YOURSELF 4HE FARTHER YOU VENTURE BEYOND YOUR COMFORT ZONE THE MORE YOU WILL LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF AND ABOUT WHAT ITS POSSIBLE TO DO IN THE WORLD
,OOK FOR 7HAT -AKES 9OU (APPY 2ESEARCH HAS FOUND THAT AN IMPROVEMENT IN MATERIAL CONDITIONS SUCH AS A LOTTERY WIN OR A PROMOTION BRINGS A TEMPORARY INCREASE IN HAPPINESS BUT EVENTUALLY THE RECIPIENTS HAPPINESS LEVEL REVERTS TO AROUND WHERE IT STARTED /NLY WHEN A GAP AT THE LOWER LEVELS OF !S ONE SET THE (IERARCHY OF .EEDS IS lLLED IS OF GOALS IS THERE A PERMANENT INCREASE IN ACHIEVED THE HAPPINESS ,ASTING HAPPINESS NEXT SET INVARIABLY COMES FROM YOUR INNER ATTITUDE 9OUR GOALS MAY CHANGE EMERGES AND EVOLVE AS YOU MOVE TOWARD THEM FOR TWO REASONS s BECAUSE YOU PICK UP MORE RELEVANT INFORMATION AS YOU MOVE TOWARD YOUR GOALS s BECAUSE YOU YOURSELF ARE EVOLVING 7ORK WITH THISIF YOU HAD NOT SET YOUR ORIGINAL GOALS YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE FOUND THAT YOU CAN SET YOUR SIGHTS HIGHER 9OU MAY ALSO COME UP AGAINST CHALLENGES THAT YOU WOULD NOT HAVE ENCOUNTERED IF YOU HAD STAYED IN YOUR COMFORT ZONE 9OU NOW HAVE PLENTY OF STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH THEM AND CAN TACKLE THEM CONlDENTLY
%NJOY THE &UTURE 7HAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ACHIEVE THE GOALS YOU HAVE SET YOURSELF 4HIS IS REALLY A QUESTION THAT ONLY YOUR FUTURE SELF CAN ANSWER 7HEN YOU ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS YOU WILL SEE NEW CHALLENGES AND NEW OPPORTUNITIES BEYOND ANYTHING THAT YOU CAN NOW IMAGINEAND THE ONLY WAY YOU WILL SEE THESE WONDERFUL POSSIBILITIES IS TO START SERIOUSLY WORKING TOWARD THE GOALS YOU HAVE NOW ' % 4 4 ) . ' 4 ( % 2 %
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4HE (IERARCHY OF .EEDS 4HE FAMOUS PSYCHOLOGIST !BRAHAM -ASLOW INTRODUCED THE (IERARCHY OF .EEDS MODEL OF HUMAN MOTIVATION AND IT IS NOW WIDELY ACCEPTED AS A PATTERN IN THE WAY IN WHICH WE WORK TOWARD OUR GOALS
%STEEM 3TATUS AND ACHIEVEMENT
"ELONGING 2ELATIONSHIPS AND AFFECTION
3AFETY 0ROTECTION AND STABILITY
117_ED245_US 117 ''-U;:(*+U9COAU''-
3ELF ACTUALIZATION 0ERSONAL GROWTH AND FULlLLMENT
4HE PRACTICAL IMPLICATION THAT THE HIERARCHY OF NEEDS OFFERS FOR YOUR GOAL SETTING IS THAT YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE BASICS ARE IN PLACE BEFORE SETTING YOURSELF MORE ABSTRACT GOALS "EFORE SETTING ANY GOALS CARRY OUT SOME CHECKS TO ENSURE THAT YOUR lNANCES RELATIONSHIPS AND HEALTH ARE ALL IN GOOD ORDER AND WORKING WELL
4HE (IERARCHY OF .EEDS
9OU READ THE (IERARCHY OF .EEDS FROM THE BOTTOM BOX UPWARD 4HE IDEA BEHIND IT IS THAT OUR GOALS WILL BE DIRECTED TOWARD SATISFYING THESE NEEDS IN ORDER STARTING WITH THE MOST BASICFOOD AND SHELTER )F SOMEONE IS HOMELESS THEY ARE UNLIKELY TO GIVE MUCH THOUGHT TO STATUS OR SELF FULlLLMENT UNTIL THEY HAVE DEALT WITH THEIR MOST PRESSING NEEDS 9OU WILL NOTICE THAT THE LOWER LEVELS ARE DRIVEN ENTIRELY BY hAWAY FROMv MOTIVATION WHILE THE MOTIVATION AT THE HIGHEST LEVEL HAS BECOME ENTIRELY hTOWARDv THE DESIRED GOAL
0HYSICAL NEEDS &OOD AND SHELTER
" % 9/ . $ 9/ 5 2 ' /! , 3
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)NDEX ACCEPTANCE UNCERTAINTY VALUING ANXIETY ELIMINATION APPRECIATIVE INQUIRY AUTOPILOT SWITCHING OFF AWARENESS INCREASING hAWAY FROMv MOTIVATION n BELIEFS AS FILTERS SELF FULFILLING BLAME SELF BLAME BODY LANGUAGE ENERGY BOOSTS BREATHING BECOMING CALM MIND CLEARING EXERCISE CAFFEINE GIVING UP CAUSE AND EFFECT n CENTER YOURSELF CHECKLISTS GOAL SETTING CHOICE REMEMBERING COMMITMENT ENTHUSIASM COMPARISONS CONSEQUENCES GOAL ACHIEVING CONTINGENCY TIME COSTS ACHIEVING GOALS #OVEY 3TEPHEN CREATIVITY FOSTERING CRITICISM DEALING WITH n #SIKSZENTMIHALYI -IHALY DECLUTTERING DISPLACEMENT ACTIVITIES DRAMA LIMIT EFFECTS 0/7%2 n EMOTIONS ENGAGEMENT EXPRESSING n GOAL DISTINCTION PERSONAL POWER RECOGNITION ENERGY BOOSTS MAINTENANCE n EXERCISE FEELING BETTER FAILURE CIRCLE OF LEARNING FROM n SELF BLAME THINK FEEDBACK
FEEDBACK CRITICISM NOT FAILURE FILTERS BELIEFS FLEXIBILITY VALUES VIEWPOINTS n FLOATING YOUR GOALS hFLOWv STATES FOCUS CENTER YOURSELF DESIRED OUTCOMES n ON FUTURE HABIT ESTABLISHMENT ON PRESENT WHAT IS WORKING n WHAT YOU WANT n FUTURE ENJOYING FOCUS ON GOAL PLACEMENT n LOOKING AHEAD n (ALO %FFECT HEALTH MAINTAINING n HIGHS AND LOWS CHARTING IMPACT CHANGE IMPLEMENTATION ENERGY MAINTENANCE HIGHS AND LOWS LOOKING AHEAD USING HELP IMPASSE BREAKING IMPORTANT TASKS VS URGENT INNER CLUTTER CLEARING n INNER CRITIC DEALING WITH INSTINCTS USING n JOURNALS KEEPING JOURNEYS METAPHORS KNOWN ROUTES 0/7%2 LANGUAGE hNOTv STATEMENTS n LIMITING BELIEFS DEFEATING n LUCK MAKE YOUR OWN -ASLOW !BRAHAM MEMORIES GOOD VIEWPOINTS MENTAL ENERGY DECLUTTERING INCREASING METAPHORS EXPRESSION n NEGATIVE
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POSITIVE MIND CLEARING EXERCISE MINESWEEPS MIRACLE QUESTION MONEY MOTIVATION SPECIFY GOALS n AS A VALUE MOTIVATION hAWAY FROMv n REINFORCING hTOWARDv n NEEDS HIERARCHY WANT DISTINCTION NEGATION n NEGATIVITY DIFFUSING NERVES BECOMING CALM .IEBUHR 2EINHOLD OVERLOAD DEALING WITH n OWN BUSINESS FUTURE OWNERSHIP 0/7%2 PERIPHERAL VISION PERSONAL POWER DEVELOPING n PERSPECTIVE OVERLOAD 0LACEBO %FFECT PLANNING LOOKING AHEAD n TREATS POSITIVE THINKING APPRECIATION n ENERGY BOOSTS FEEDBACK 0/7%2 n POSTURE CONFIDENCE ENERGY BOOSTS 0/7%2 n PRESENTATIONS ANXIETY ELIMINATION BECOMING CALM PROBLEMS LEARNING FROM n SOLVING n PROCRASTINATION STOPPING PROJECTION LEARNING PUBLIC COMMITMENT PUTTING OFF TASKS 0YGMALION %FFECT QUESTIONS ASPIRATIONAL LIMITING BELIEFS
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REALIZATION OF GOALS n REHEARSAL NEW BELIEFS RELATIONSHIPS DEALING WITH PEOPLE n PROBLEM SOLVING RELAXATION BECOMING CALM INNER CLUTTER INNER SANCTUARY PROBLEM SOLVING TIMELINES RESPONSIBILITY TAKING n 2OSENTHAL 2OBERT RUTS GETTING OUT OF METAPHORS 3-!24 GOALS SANCTUARY BUILDING SCALE PROBLEMS SELF RECOGNITION SELF ASSESSMENT OF SKILLS n SELF AWARENESS DEVELOPING n RAISING SELF BLAME SELF EFFICACY 3EE PERSONAL POWER SELF ESTEEM BOOSTING SELF IMAGE LIVING UP TO n SELF SABOTAGE SELF TALK LIMITING BELIEFS 3ERENITY 0RAYER SETBACKS n SETTING GOALS n SOLUTION FOCUS SPECIFYING GOALS n STRENGTHS KNOW YOUR n PLAYING TO n STRESS 3EE ALSO RELAXATION BECOMING CALM POSITIVITY REDUCTION 4HORNDIKE %DWARD TIME HORIZON TIME MANAGEMENT TIMELINES n n PERSPECTIVE WORKING BACKWARD TIMETABLES hTOWARDv MOTIVATION n TRIGGERS DEFUSING UNCERTAINTY ACCEPTANCE
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UNCONSCIOUS BAD HABITS DRAMA ENGAGING GOAL INSTALLATION hNOTv STATEMENTS n POWER OF n TIME ORGANIZATION URGENT TASKS VS IMPORTANT VALUES CONFLICTS n HIERARCHY KNOWING n PERSONAL SCALE
VIEWPOINTS CHANGING DISPUTES n VISUALIZATION COMPELLING GOALS n DIFFUSING NEGATIVITY NEW BELIEFS SPECIFYING GOALS n TIMELINES VALUE CONFLICT VIEWPOINT ALTERATION WANTS NEED DISTINCTION WILLPOWER WRITING GOALS DOWN
0ICTURE #REDITS
4HE PUBLISHER WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE FOLLOWING FOR THEIR KIND PERMISSION TO REPRODUCE THEIR PHOTOGRAPHS !BBREVIATIONS KEY L LEFT C CENTER R RIGHT T TOP B BELOW CL CENTER LEFT CR CENTER RIGHT (OLGER 7INKLERZEFA#ORBIS L 2EG #HARITY#ORBIS C 3TEPHEN 4ONER'ETTY R *OHANNES +ROEMER'ETTY !DRIAN 4URNER T #REATAS0HOTOLIBRARYCOM C !DRIAN 4URNER B 0ETER #ADE)CONICA'ETTY %RIC 7ESSMAN)CONICA'ETTY !LT !LAMY L %RICKA -C#ONNELL4HE )MAGE "ANK'ETTY CL 'HISLAIN AND -ARIE $AVID DE ,OSSY'ETTY CR *IM #RAIGMYLE#ORBIS R © 0HILIPPE 2OYER (/! 15))MAGESTATE 2ANDY &ARIS#ORBIS !DRIAN 4URNER %RICKA -C#ONNELL 4HE )MAGE "ANK'ETTY #REATAS0HOTOLIBRARYCOM (OLGER 7INKLERZEFA #ORBIS 2OMMEL-ASTERlLE !DRIAN 7EINBRECHT4AXI'ETTY -ATTHIAS #LAMER'ETTY #OMSTOCK 0REMIUM!LAMY "RAD 7ILSON)CONICA'ETTY "UTCH -ARTIN'ETTY #HABRUKEN4AXI'ETTY 3TEPHEN 4ONER3TONE'ETTY 2EG #HARITY#ORBIS 'HISLAIN -ARIE $AVID DE ,OSSY'ETTY #HUCK %LLIOTT4HE )MAGE "ANK'ETTY !DRIAN 4URNER *IM #RAIGMYLE#ORBIS %RIC 7ESSMAN)CONICA'ETTY #OLIN (AWKINS'ETTY !LL OTHER IMAGES © $ORLING +INDERSLEY &OR FURTHER INFORMATION SEE WWWDKIMAGESCOM
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4HE WORK OF 3TEPHEN #OVEY IN 4HE (ABITS OF (IGHLY %FFECTIVE 0EOPLE AND OF -IHALY #SIKSZENTMIHALY IN &LOW WAS HELPFUL 4HE 0/7%2 PROCESS DESCRIBED IN #HAPTER WAS ORIGINALLY DEVELOPED BY 5+ MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT AND COACH *ENNY &LINTOFT
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