The Attraction Code

the Attraction Code Vin DiCarlo with Brian Pettit

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The Attraction Code Copyright 2008 Vin DiCarlo, Inc. All Rights Reserved http://www.VinDiCarlo.com

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e We know for a fact that there are certain men who are phenomenal with women. We also know that most of these men are using radically different techniques and methods from one another. There are almost as many pick-up methodologies as there are religions. Therefore, we know two things are true: 1. 2.

Unique and distinct methods can co-exist, simultaneously being successful and effective. It is not the method itself which brings success, but instead, some hidden trait of the man who is using it.

In my years researching, befriending and modeling some of the most successful pick-up artists, ladies men and naturals, I have found one major commonality. It is not what how they dress, not what they say, and not how they act that makes them successful. It is what they place their attention on and more importantly, how they think. The Attraction Code promises to unlock the secrets of how to think to become phenomenally successful with women.

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What is startling to me is that this discovery goes far beyond just “ meeting women. The implications and effects of the Attraction Code are dramatic. In the past four years I have not only had the interest of more women than I could ever have time for, but I have gotten my life together, rediscovered my passion for art and music, created powerful

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friendships and above all else, become quite simply… happy.

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you have realized that you can achieve anything you “wantOncein life, and I mean anything, you are met with a much bigger and more pressing problem – and that is choosing

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exactly what you would like to achieve.

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-Vin DiCarlo

A Friendly Warning

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Copying, sharing, emailing, posting, distributing, selling this work in whole or part, or creating derivative works from this book is strictly prohibited. Please see the terms and conditions at the end of this book for details. This work is not to be considered professional, medical, psychological or legal advice. It is for entertainment purposes only. Vin DiCarlo, Inc., or our associates, or affiliates will not be liable for any direct or indirect consequences that occur from the use of any of the ideas contained this book.

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Acknowledgements

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Thanks to Mom, Dad, Kristen and Kevin for being supportive of my ridiculous lifestyle and ultimately shaping me into the person I am today. Special thanks to the DiClassified Team Brian, Chris N, Chris P, Zach, Bob, Jason, Mike A, Mike F, Alex, Alfredo, Matt, Kristen, Mary, and of course Anna for making everything possible and giving me the resources necessary to achieve this vision. I really would not have been able to do it without you. Thanks to Julian for being so groundbreaking, inspirational, and quite honestly one of the best “pick up artists” who has ever lived. Thanks to Jay, Boris and Plato for making every single visit to NYC a memorable one, filled with stories so extreme, if I included them in this book it would be banned in 17 countries. Thanks to Chris X for teaching me more than I’ll ever need to know about strippers, marketing and Patron Silver. Thanks to Sebastian for being my partner in crime in the early years, blazing new trails and offering insights and wisdom that I still use even today.

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Thanks to Tony, for your uncanny ability to make me laugh no matter what. Your stories are one of a kind. Thanks to Jay and Rey of Fast Seduction for helping me and so many others get into this business. The community would not even exist without you guys. A very big thank you to Brian Pettit who did most of the heavy lifting and research that went into this book. This project would NOT HAVE EVEN HAPPENED if it weren’t for you, and I am truly grateful to have you.

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e Most of the research and knowledge contained in this book is the direct result of my flagship training program DiClassified Drills. Although this book is comprehensive in every way, and contains all the knowledge you would ever need to be successful with women, the DiClassified Drills Bootcamp is designed for those men who would like to take their study to a whole new level. There we will take you through a set of reverse-engineered drills specifically designed to infuse the Attraction Code directly into your personality. DiClassified Drills is the only training program I currently offer to the general public, and is a prerequisite for more advanced and private training opportunities. You can read about it at http://www.VinDiCarlo.com/drills

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One Final Note

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This E-Book was packaged with 4 additional Bonus E-Books:

  The DiCarlo Escalation Ladder, 2nd Edition   Secrets of Sexual Tension EBook   NoFlakes! EBook   Objection Game EBook They are required reading, and are referred to at various points in this book. If you are missing any of these, they may be downloaded at www.AttractionCodeBook.com. In addition you may have received a one-month free trial of my Mastermind Membership site. This is a valuable resource that not only provides a private, underground community of like-minded individuals, but also contains some very highlevel and advanced audio briefings that can be used for further study. The mastermind website is where I put all of my latest, most advanced material. It is updated regularly, and contains many hard-to-find downloadable .pdf mini-books as well as premium articles written by myself and my trainers. You may log in to the private mastermind site at: http://mastermind.vindicarlo.com.

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Contents e My Very First Thoughts about Attraction...............................................................16 There’s Always the Dating Lottery..........................................................................17 The Early Frustrations I Faced as a Pick-Up Artist in Training................................18 My First Encounter with a Super-Natural...............................................................19 Throwing My Routine “Cheat Sheet” Out The Window........................................21 If You Really Want This, There Is One Thing You MUST Do................................22 How to Read This Book.........................................................................................24 How Much Casanova is in YOUR Blood?..............................................................28

Chapter 1: Social Status, Dominance and Attraction..... 29



The Difference between What Attracts Men And What Attracts Women.........29 Attraction Code Clue #1: Secret Traits..............................................................31 What is Status?.................................................................................................31 Attraction Code Clue #2: Dominance and Status.............................................33 Patrick’s Story 1: Being Average ain’t so Bad... Or is it?....................................34 A Brief History of Dominance..........................................................................39 Attraction Code Clue #3: Leadership Abilities..................................................40 What Does this Have to Do with Sex?..............................................................40 A Tale of Two Gentlemen.................................................................................41 Attraction Code Clue #4: A Thinking Man’s Game..........................................43 A Glitch in the Matrix......................................................................................43 Patrick’s Story 2: Eyes Wide Open....................................................................45

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e Chapter 2: Origins of the Attraction Code...................50



Is Your Mental Software Obsolete?..................................................................50 Attraction Code Clue #5: Technology is Winning the Race............................54 Tonight on the Discovery Channel….............................................................54 Attraction Code Clue #6: Sex Differences.......................................................56 The Origin of Social Behavior.........................................................................56 The Amazing Effects of Mega Memory...........................................................57 Attraction Code Clue #7: Mind Your Thoughts..............................................58 Patrick’s Story 3: “What’s He Got that I Don’t?”.............................................59 The New Alpha: Take Me to Your Leader........................................................62 Attraction Code Clue #8: The Nature of Focus...............................................64 Act Civilized...................................................................................................64 Attraction Code Clue #9: The Consequences of Sex.......................................66 Putting the Fear of God in You.......................................................................66 Effects of Society on Modern Women.............................................................67 Patrick’s Story #4: “Why Won’t She Answer the Phone?”................................68

Chapter 3: Female Psychology, How to View Women, and Why The Attraction Code Works.......................................78

Women Don’t Make Sense… Or Do They?....................................................78 What I Learned About Women in Physics 101...............................................79 A Robot. With Boobs.....................................................................................82 One Team, One Dream..................................................................................83 Patrick’s Story #5: The Hump.........................................................................85 How Women See Men....................................................................................95

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Attraction Code Clue #10: An Emotional Response.........................................96 Is it True What They Say About People Who Read This Book?.........................96 Freudian Slip....................................................................................................98 She Can’t Get No… Satisfaction.......................................................................98 How to Measure a Woman’s Attraction to You................................................100 A Blueprint of a Woman’s Behavior................................................................102 Attraction Code Clue #11: The Final Test.......................................................104 Patrick’s Story 6: Social Intelligence................................................................105 Relax. It’s Only a Test....................................................................................112 Women’s Tests Disarmed 1: Receptivity Tests..................................................113 Women’s Tests Disarmed 2: Windows of Opportunity....................................115 Women’s Tests Disarmed 3: Challenge Testing................................................116 When in Doubt, Shrug...................................................................................118 Patrick’s Story 7: It’s a Physical Game.............................................................119 Understanding the Attraction Spike................................................................127 Reflex Compliance.........................................................................................128 “Flip the Script”..............................................................................................130 Backwards Rationalization and Cognitive Dissonance....................................134 Patrick’s Story 8: The Brick Wall.....................................................................135 How to Manage Sexual Tension......................................................................139 How Fast Should You Escalate to Sex?............................................................140 The Five Potential Dangers of Fast Escalation and How to Deal with Them...141 Patrick’s Story 9: Unsolved..............................................................................147 The Code Awaits.............................................................................................152

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e Chapter 4: The Attraction Code.................................. 154

The 4EP Model of Personal Expression...........................................................154 The Attraction Code Defined.........................................................................158 The Dangers of Becoming an “Inner Game Junkie”........................................159 Patrick’s Story 10: Oh Yeah… Logistics..........................................................160 How to Develop Powerful Intention and an Attractive Core Identity.............166 The Eleven Immutable Laws of an Attractive Identity.....................................167 The End of Natural Game?.............................................................................177 The Quick and Dirty Guide to Manufacturing Confidence............................180 Patrick’s Story 11: Sex is about Us...................................................................181 Focus. I’m about to Hand You the Instruction Manual for Your Mind...........193 Is Your Attention A Leaky Faucet?..................................................................194 A Proof They Don’t Teach in Math Class........................................................197 The Mind is Like a Vacuum. And Yes… That’s a Good Thing.........................197 Yoga for the Pick-up Artist..............................................................................200 How to Use ‘Shaping’ to Influence a Woman’s Behavior.................................203 Three Bullet-Proof Methods of Shaping or, Obedience School for Women.....206 The Difference between Shaping Relationships by Accident and On Purpose.211 “Flip the Script Part II”...................................................................................213 The Secret Mindset for Accelerating Physical Intimacy...................................216 How to Attract a Woman You Are Already Friends With................................218 Developing an Invincible State.......................................................................221 Patrick’s Story 12: Broken Promises................................................................222 The Three Frictions.........................................................................................229 Friction #1: Attention Fixation..................................................................229

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e Friction #2: Social Pressure........................................................................232 Friction #3: Intention-Violation . .............................................................234 Behind the Scenes of DiClassified Drills and The F.S.E. Feedback System......237 The Highest Level of State Control.................................................................243 The Little-Known Connection between Pick-Up and Heavy Metal................244 Transparency and Freedom of Expression.......................................................247 The End Result of Internalizing the Attraction Code......................................248 Patrick’s Story 13: Liberation..........................................................................250 Resources for Further Study.................................................................................253 Appendix 1: The Hard-Core Science Behind Attraction.......................................255 Appendix 2: Relationship of I-LoC to Dominance...............................................260 Terms and Conditions..........................................................................................262

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M y Ve r y F i r s t Th o u g hts about Attraction Back when I was in grade school, attraction seemed to be completely based on good looks. If a girl thought a boy was cute, she would write him a love note and they would become boyfriend and girlfriend. It went on like this for a few years until about high school when something shifted. I started seeing things that didn’t quite make sense. I saw guys who were complete pricks getting women left and right. I saw guys who were goof offs who got bad grades, and even ugly guys getting the girls that I so desperately wanted. It was no longer about looks. Sure, if a guy was extremely good-looking he would attract some female attention, and some women would even outright tell him that they were interested. Hell, it even happened to me a few times. The problem was, a woman falling into my lap only happened about 1-2 times every year. I thought long and hard about why this was and the more I thought about it, the more confused I became. Was it their sculpted, muscular bodies? Nope.

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I saw plenty of guys with huge muscles without girlfriends. Was it their intelligence? Nope. I knew a couple of really smart guys who were also good looking who couldn’t get a date to save their life. I looked everywhere but couldn’t find the answer. Every time I thought I was onto something I would find five examples proving it was wrong. What was a guy to do if he liked a girl and wanted to attract her?

Th e r e’s Always th e Da tin g Lottery … So as a man, I was faced with a problem. I realized that if I wanted to have more than 1-2 opportunities to go on a date each year then I had to become really good looking overnight… or become a rock star. Actually, there was one other option. I realized I could get proactive about the whole thing and start approaching women. I’m sure you could imagine how scared I was to start approaching women for the very first time. I still had trouble speaking up to answer a question in class never mind ap-

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proaching a girl I’d never met before to try to get a date with her… Anyway, I faced my fear and did some approaches. And very quickly, I realized that this would be harder than I first thought…

Th e Ear ly F r u s tration s I Faced as a P i c k-Up Ar tist in Train in g When I first started approaching women, I realized that if I was too forward or showed too much interest it was very common for a woman to reject me. It seemed like saying “I have a boyfriend” was every woman’s automatic response when any guy showed any interest whatsoever! Well, I wasn’t dumb, I saw those aloof guys getting women so I decided that I would pretend I wasn’t interested at all. I swung completely the other way and started to fake disinterest. After all, if I didn’t show interest, I couldn’t get rejected, right? Wrong. It was even worse than when I was straightforward about my intention. The girl would either sense that I was pretending and distrust me or think that she had no chance at all and lose interest. So I started on my quest for “techniques”.

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I read some books; I went online. I memorized a few lines and started using them in my interactions. And sometimes I would get great reactions! But other times I would fail miserably… even though I was saying the same things that sometimes worked. It got me thinking. Finally I realized something profound. I began to see a pattern emerge: If I felt really good, I would do well no matter what I said, but if I felt so-so I would get rejected. Although I was still pretty bad at the time, it was this realization that ultimately inspired me to spawn an entire movement of Natural Game pickup artists. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves…

M y F i r s t Enc o u nte r with a Super-Na tural About ten years ago I was out in a club and saw a man who was probably the best guy with women I had ever met. His name was Tony and he could practically have any woman he wanted. To his credit, Tony was not very good looking at all. He wasn’t a tall guy; he was actually a bit shorter than I am.

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But this guy could pull. Let me tell you… He could go into any club in NYC and walk up to the hottest women and sometimes leave with 2 or 3 of them. If anyone could tell me the secret to success with women, it was him! I got together all of my strength and confidence and approached this guy hoping that he might share his secrets. I ended up sitting at the bar with him and I asked him what made him so good with women. He immediately turned the conversation around and asked me about what I did to attract women. I started explaining what I did back then. I don’t remember exactly what I told him, but I remember it was pretty structured… His reaction was priceless. He told me “If you have to think about all of that, you’ll never be successful with women. Why make things hard? Pick-up is EASY.” Now, being an analytical guy, I couldn’t accept his explanation. It wasn’t complicated enough; at the time it made NO sense to me. And although I didn’t understand it at the time now it makes perfect sense.

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Th r o w i ng My Ro u tin e “ Cheat Sheet” Ou t Th e Win dow In my entire time training to become a pick-up artist and later to become a trainer of pick-up artists, I never forgot what Tony said to me that night. When I dabbled with memorizing really long routines, I saw more evidence of what he was talking about. Early on, I would memorize all kinds of stuff before I went out to meet women. And it was interesting… Maybe it was just me but I noticed that the less my mind was filled with technical structures and details, the more attention I had available to interact socially… And not only that, the less prepared I was, the more spontaneous I would become. I was really starting to understand where Tony was coming from… I finally understood what was meant by “Natural Game” and wrote extensively about it, introducing it to the online community of pick-up artists. …But at the time I was still light years away from discovering the Attraction Code.

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If You R eall y Wa nt T his, Th er e Is One Th in g You M UST D o Perhaps you know exactly what you are looking for. Or maybe you just have a vague idea that something isn’t right and you’re hoping for a solution. At the very least, since you’re reading this book I’m willing to bet that you’re ready for a change. Well, I don’t profess to have all the answers…. But one thing is for certain. I have massive success with women. I don’t even have enough time in the day for all the opportunities that seem to fall into my lap. If most men saw the caliber of women I was turning down on a daily basis, their jaws would drop straight to the floor in sheer disbelief. I have reverse-engineered the entire process to the point where I can take guys who are nearly “hopeless” and systematically train them to move through the world like effortless naturals. As you know, I couldn’t always do this. In fact I’m pretty sure I’ve made every mistake a guy can make with women. So what did I do to turn it around? Besides seeking out the very best naturals in the world, I looked everywhere I

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could for answers. I read all the books on how to be successful with women. I went out to bars, clubs and malls relentlessly and kept detailed journals of my progress…. But most importantly I took action. Do not EVER let a book, article or merely “watching” others replace your own responsibility to take action. That is the only way you will grow in this area of your life. Don’t get me wrong, I put a LOT of my own insight and realizations into this book, and its ultimate purpose is to give you a shortcut on your path to mastering this area of your life, and literally shave years off of your learning curve… But you still have to take deliberate action. So how do you know what’s the best course of action? Society, the media, your friends, parents and even women all give conflicting advice, which can be hard to sort through. Though well intentioned, much of this advice may not work or may not be right for your personality type. Even the “Online Community” is full of contradicting theories that create more confusion than clarity.  If you simply knew where to go, what to focus on and what to do to meet and attract women, I’d be willing to bet that you would be totally willing to put your whole being on that path.  The Attraction Code will give you the guidance and direction you need, and provide you with a very clear, concise, principled foundation on which to build your success. I have seen it work for other men in our bootcamps, and I am confident that it will work for you.

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Ho w to Re ad This Book When I first discovered the Attraction Code and was outlining the concept for this book, I knew I had a few different options. First, I knew I could write a book that was jam-packed with techniques, lines and routines I’ve used with success in the past that you could start using right away. You could go out, recite my lines word for word and get instant results with women. But I decided firmly against that. Techniques become forgotten or overused. They lose their original spontaneity and teach you to rely on a teacher to tell you what to say. Without the understanding behind the techniques, the whole book would become quite pointless. Even worse, the women you’re talking to may have heard these lines before and see right through you. That’s not my style. I want have a CONVERSATION with you to help you understand the perspective that I have, after going through this process. I want to CHANGE the way you THINK about pick-up. I want you to experience a profound inner shift in your thinking, your perception of the world and how you understand attraction. Above all, I want to give you a single piece of writing that will change

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your thinking and behaviors so profoundly that you will never need to rely on techniques again. In Chapter 1, we will explore the concepts of social status and dominance through the framework of evolutionary psychology. As we explore these concepts, certain clues will be revealed to help uncover the true meaning of the Attraction Code. I invite you to play along… Using the clues, how much about the Code can you figure out on your own? In Chapter 2, we go way back in time to follow man’s progression from before he even used language all the way up to modern humans. Here we discover even more clues and insight into the Attraction Code and learn about the reason why men and women act the way they do. This chapter will give you knowledge that will allow you to better predict female behavior, and is essential for understanding Chapter 3. The first two chapters are somewhat theoretical and I’m sure you may be tempted to skip ahead to Chapters 3 and 4. Resist that temptation. Chapters 1 and 2 are essential for understanding the origin of the Attraction Code as well as laying down the proper foundation for incorporating the Code into your behaviors. Chapter 3 exposes the hidden tendencies and secret psychology of women. Not the stuff you’ve heard a hundred times on TV or from your female friends, but what I have discovered from years of being one of the most successful, effective and analytical pick-up artists in the world. In other words, it’s the good stuff.

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Not only will I provide examples and concrete explanations of many common female behaviors, I will also teach you how to train yourself to deal with these behaviors effectively so that you always increase attraction. In Chapter 4, I will reveal the Attraction Code, which is a simple model any man can use to create invincible dominance by making systematic adjustments to the 4 Elements of Personality. (Abbreviated 4EP) Have you ever noticed that when you are in a great mood or emotional state that techniques work beautifully but when you feel so-so these same techniques fall flat? I’m willing to bet that you have. At first I believed that pick-up could only be done when you are “in state”. I tried as hard as I could to perpetually keep myself in an “on” state. But ultimately I realized that even peak performing athletes can’t maintain their state indefinitely – there is a natural rhythm between uptime and downtime. This frustrated me for years until I realized that if you are truly attractive from the inside-out, you no longer rely on your state always being “on” for your success. The Attraction Code will teach you exactly how to control the focus of your attention, how to free yourself from the negative effects of your state, and how to express your fullest, most fully realized self in order to produce attraction in women. But that’s just the beginning… Throughout the book, I will take you, step-by-step, through the process of a

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virtual student learning to apply what we are learning in the book. You will get to read his journal entries, hear his thoughts, see his results, and discover the women’s perspective in regards to him, interspersed with my own insights.  As our subject “Patrick” discovers the Attraction Code for himself and becomes more attractive, you will get a God-view perspective on his experiences, seeing multiple angles and aspects of his struggles and successes.  This will further enhance and solidify your understanding and time-compress the learning process, as you experience his mistakes and his successes. This part of the book is designed to provide you with a virtual experience of the learning process. By the time you finish, it will be as though you have already experienced it one time from start to finish. The timing of your exposure to each one of Patrick’s Stories is critical. In each story, Patrick faces a different set of challenges. Sometimes you will have already been exposed to the solution, and sometimes that solution will be presented later on in the book. In both cases, there is important reasoning behind it, and reading Patrick’s Stories in the order they are presented is essential to your understanding of the Attraction Code. Finally, the “resources” section at the end of this book will give you practical suggestions to support your journey. In other words, a brief road map of where you can go next if you are interested in taking this further.

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Ho w Mu c h Cas ano va is in YOUR Blood? When you know what women are attracted to, you can intentionally exhibit those traits to attract the women you’re interested in.  Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean you have to put on an act or pretend to be something that you are not. By nature of being a man, you already have it in you.  There’s a commercial for Captain Morgan’s Rum. It says that everyone has “a li’l Captain in ‘em.”  I like it. I believe that every man has a little Genghis Khan, Marcus Aurelius, Casanova, John Lennon in ‘em. You are the masculine half of the human race, and it’s in all our blood. It’s just a matter of learning how to show what you are inside. 

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Social Status, Dominance and Attraction T he Di ffer e nc e between What Attracts M en And Wh at Attracts Women What attracts men to women and women to men? Though we all have different preferences, there are certain things that men find universally attractive. Soft skin and hair, full breasts, symmetrical features and a nice smile all get a man’s attention and make him want to keep looking. Why is this? It is because these physical traits indicate good genes.  Good skin and hair are signs of health. Large breasts indicate fertility and nurturing.

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A pretty smile is a great genetic indicator because a good set of teeth is a sign of good health and a smile indicates a good attitude and positive outlook, which is vital for survival in a hostile environment. If you have sex with the woman just described, the odds will be better that she will a) get pregnant with your baby and give birth without complications, b) have healthy children to carry on your genes and c) survive and stay healthy long enough to protect and provide for those children until they reach maturity. These “genetic fitness indicators” are so powerful that a man will often overlook an attractive woman’s warning signs in order to be with her. The prospect of sex with her is so exciting that it clouds his judgment and can cause him to make life-ruining decisions. It’s not something you consciously think about. You don’t see an attractive woman and think to yourself “If I mate with her, my children will be healthy and therefore more likely to survive and pass on my genes.” You just feel an urge – you feel sexual desire. We’re all attracted to traits whose value is not immediately obvious. Women are also attracted to certain traits. While men are attracted initially to physical traits, women are more turned on by a man’s character. Sure, they appreciate good skin, hair and teeth but the emphasis is different. Relatively speaking, men are more attracted at a gut level to physical traits and women to character traits. The most valuable contribution that a man can bring to her genetic future is in his character. It’s a trait called dominance or high status.

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Just as men are drawn to a woman’s body and face, women are drawn to a man’s dominance. Dominance in a man satisfies a woman’s deep unconscious drives. So what is dominance, how does a woman recognize it and how can a man cultivate it?

Attraction Code Clue #1 Women are attracted to internal traits, and those traits are not immediately obvious. When we discover the Attraction Code, it will probably have to do with internal habits, but it will probably be counterintuitive.

Wh at i s Status? In order to understand status and dominance, we first have to look at groups of people and how they interact. Any gathering of two or more people can be considered a social group.  When people in a social group interact – whether verbally or nonverbally, they are socializing.  Inherent in all social groups is a hierarchy of status; social status is the hierarchical organization of relative influence. In simpler terms, status is the order of importance of people in a group. 

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Humans have a perception of status akin to a ladder of increasing importance. A dominant person is one who is higher up on this ladder relative to the others. Remember high school? Which boys and which girls were the most popular? Who were the tagalongs of the popular group? Who were the “dorks” or outcasts of the class? The popular kids were more dominant than the dorks. Status is a measurement of perceived value: value to the class, to the group, to the tribe. Before we go on, I’d like to clarify what dominance is NOT. Many people associate dominance with controlling others, fighting, manipulation, or using verbal, emotional or physical force and violence. In fact, these behaviors are the signs of someone who isn’t dominant at all and is trying to assert his will over others. A dominant man has no need to assert his dominance because it is unquestioned. I want you to understand that dominance lies in self-control. People will grant you status as a byproduct of the self-confidence, focus and integrity you exhibit Fear and intimidation may work to get people to do your bidding in the short term, but respect and attraction cannot be forced. The image that flashes in my mind when I think about dominance is that of the benevolent king – like King Solomon. I think about JFK and Braveheart. I think of guys that make those around them better.  I think about men who protect and care for others, and at the same time get respect and admiration from those around them. I think about true leaders. You probably know a group of men and women friends that has a very clear leader.  And it’s probably a guy.

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What makes him the leader? Why do people intuitively look to him when there’s a decision to be made? How do women respond to him?  In every social group there is a dominant individual, and this individual exercises significantly more persuasive influence than any other single member of the group. Sometimes, however, it can be female - in fact, it’s quite common for a group of guys to assign the leadership role to the most attractive female in the group.  I’m sure you can remember a time when you saw a beautiful woman in a bar surrounded by her male friends who were all competing for her attention. In this scenario, she is effectively the leader of the group. As you’ll learn later, she does not want this role, but she’ll entertain it until a dominant man joins the group.  Reflect on your social groups, or groups you’ve observed, and become aware of who the leader was. Become aware of how dominance asserts itself, what it looks and feels like, and how it is maintained within the group. You’ll start to see a very profound connection between dominance and sexual access.

Attraction Code Clue #2 Attraction tends to gravitate toward those who have social influence. The Attraction Code must have some relationship to dominance and social influence… but what is that relationship exactly?

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P atr i c k’s Sto ry 1: Bei ng Ave r ag e ain ’t so Ba d... Or is it? My story begins a few months back...… There I was at my friend Mike’s place, sitting around, having some drinks before we all went out to the bar.  Jasmine and her friends are going to meet us there.  I hate going to the bar when my girlfriend is there, because then I can’t hit on other women. But things have been shaky between us lately, and I think if we have fun together tonight it’ll help us work things out.    I can hear Steve shouting from the kitchen.  He is saying something ridiculous (as usual) and everyone is cracking up.  Although no one will admit it, Steve is kind of our leader.  Everyone checks with Steve about what our plans are for the night.  He usually doesn’t have a plan, but we all look to him to take charge anyway.  He’s taller, good-looking, and he always fucks the hottest girls in our group of friends.  Maybe that’s what it is...Steve gets the most girls, so he’s the boss. 

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 I don’t get it though.  Steve is a moron.  He dropped out of college his junior year.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Steve...he’s hilarious, and, well, he’s Steve.  It’s messed up, though - his roommate, Toby, just graduated law school and now makes around two hundred-grand a year! But Toby gets no respect from the rest of the group.  He’s a nice guy, but he tends to get picked on, and I’ve never seen him hook up with a woman.  (Well, there was this cougar a couple years ago...) We tease him about that, too.  In a way, I feel bad for the guy, but it’s just too easy.  And hey, better it’s him getting the shit than me.   My point is that Toby is a smart dude, and is very successful.  Steve is a bum, and can be a real asshole, especially when he drinks.  But he is the ‘alpha male,’ as they say on the Discovery Channel.    I guess I’m somewhere in the middle.  I’ve been dating Jasmine for 4 years. I met her through some friends, and asked her out because I heard that she thought I was cute.  We’ve been a couple ever since. 

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She is super hot and I wonder sometimes how I got so lucky.  It’s really hard sometimes though.  She complains a lot and criticizes pretty much everything I do, from my clothes to my friends.  We haven’t had sex in over a month.  Every time I try to get a little ‘somethin-somethin’ she goes kind of cold.  I think she’s worried about whether or not I really love her.  I tell her constantly but she says she worries about our future.  Ugh.  Relationships.  I’m not gonna lie though, I feel like The Man when we go places because everyone stares at her...she’s such a hottie.

Okay, where to start… First of all, Patrick has a girlfriend, so he’s not doing too badly.  He also recognizes the dominance hierarchy in his social group.  He realizes that being smart or financially successful doesn’t equate with “being the man.”  This is a good start, because later, when he takes a closer look at social dynamics he will be able to recognize status differences.   The saddest part about Patrick’s life is his relationship.  There are three major problems here: First, Patrick puts his girl on a pedestal because she is pretty. 

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This is unbearably common.  Women get assigned value because they have a certain physique and facial structure that is not in their control.  Men are wired to value beauty – it indicates good genes and makes us want to procreate.  What very few men ever realize, and this is because very few men think with a dominant focus, is that beauty is only one part of a woman’s value.   Patrick has never stopped to ask himself, “What else does Jasmine contribute to my life?”  She’s not even contributing sex! And it’s not because she is worried that Patrick doesn’t love her.  Maybe she says that because she’s afraid to tell him the truth: that he doesn’t turn her on anymore.  He has a major dominance deficit.  And it won’t get better because Patrick lives in fear – he is reactive to his girlfriend and his more dominant friends like Steve.   Patrick’s main problem is that he feels lucky to be dating Jasmine.  He thinks he loves her.  Actually, he needs her.  If she left him, he’d be devastated.  His main source of emotional validation – his relationship – would be gone.  And he wouldn’t have any way to get sex.  And that’s the real issue.  Patrick is afraid of not being sexually validated.  Western society stigmatizes a man who is not “getting laid.”  If you’re not banging chicks, what are you doing? 

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Think about this the next time you and your buddies are talking about sex.  Do you notice the urge to make yourself look sexually powerful or give the impression that you get laid a lot?  It sneaks in there.  It has been drilled into your mind since day one.    A man’s job is not to be getting laid all the time but it is a good message to send to guys if you’re a company that wants to sell a product.  Men are already sexually aroused (and we aren’t the only ones!), so it’s a very easy sales tactic to say “You should be getting laid more, but you won’t be able to unless you buy this brand new cologne! Act now and save $20.”  The next time you watch TV, pay attention to how almost every ad tries to make you think that a) you need to get sex from women, by b) impressing them, and c) the only way to impress them is to buy something.   Patrick is unconsciously terrified of losing Jasmine, because he knows that finding another woman would be incredibly difficult.  Steve always takes the cute women that his friends hang out with.  And the older Patrick gets, the smaller his social circle becomes.  Internet porn is becoming more and more his primary sexual outlet.

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A Br i e f Hi s to r y of D omin an ce Hierarchies of status and dominance exist in the animal world among social species, those who live in groups in order to survive, but there’s a difference between what determines dominance in animals and in humans. Amongst lions for example, the most dominant member of a group is usually the largest, the strongest and the most aggressive. He’s a good hunter and can protect the group. He takes what he wants and is rarely challenged. If another lion challenges him he either kills the challenger or the challenger kills him and thereby becomes the new dominant lion. Rinse and Repeat. Millions of years ago this was true among humans as well. However, as we became more adept at communicating and planning, people began to recognize the value of alliances. They realized there was strength in numbers. No matter how strong and intimidating one man was, he was no match for three or four men of average strength that were organized against him. A man who could organize and persuade other men to join him was more powerful than one who bullied and alienated others. The more people were willing to follow him, the more influence he had over the group. So, the ability to lead the group became the new standard for dominance. The survival of a particular tribe depended on the leadership abilities of the leader. Men would naturally compete for this position because of the increased access to food and mates, but the dominant male also had a huge responsibility. The lives of the tribe were in his hands.

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He had no one to blame but himself when something went wrong. He was expected to comfort and take care of others and could not show weakness.

Attraction Code Clue #3 Men who are leaders of their social group can be very attractive to women. When we figure out the Attraction Code, there’s a strong possibility it will allow other kinds of leadership as well.

Wh at D o es th i s Have to D o with Sex ? We know that men are attracted to women’s physical beauty because it indicates her fitness to carry his child, but why are women attracted to dominant men?I I want to clarify that I use the word dominance in two ways; as an absolute position and as a relative one. In the absolute sense, the top male in the group is called the dominant male. Other than that, dominance is relative. Tom may be more dominant than Bob but less dominant than Ken. The emphasis here is that status and dominance are relative terms. The higher status a man has in the hierarchy, the more dominant he is said to be.

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Women who mated with dominant males had several advantages. First, they were under the protection of men who had influence over resources. They had earlier access to food and their children would be better nourished. Furthermore, they had the chance to pass some of the dominant man’s genes onto their child, giving that child a better chance to grow up with the traits of a dominant man or woman. For a woman to feel attraction for a particular man, it’s absolutely essential that he have a higher perceived status than she does.

A Tale o f Two Gen tlemen Dominance is highly contextual. It does not exist in objective reality. Your boss has dominance over you at work. He can fire you and take a longer lunch break.  On the company basketball team, you may be dominant if you have a better jump shot. Furthermore, one of the least skilled players on your basketball team may be more dominant when you all go out to the bar after the game. He may be more extroverted and experienced when talking to women... and drink you under the table! Imagine two average guys, same build, look, dress, and job.  One guy behaves like himself most of the time, but in social situations tends to defer to others and is very shy around women.

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The other is dominant, flirts with women, and appears very self-assured in his actions. What’s the difference?  His mindset.  As stated before, dominance is assigned, but begins in your mind. Our minds are designed for social status management.  We think in terms of hierarchies.  Many men are not dominant in their thinking, but instead are concerned with trying to become more dominant. This usually doesn’t work, or takes a very long time and lots of “trying”. It’s an “I am” mentality, not “I’m going to be”, that is at the heart of how a truly dominant man thinks. Reflect for a second on the nature of your thoughts.  Sometimes they may be thoughts of comparison, quantification, desire or regret. Occasionally the odd silence or joy pops in, but if you’re like most men I meet, your thoughts consist of judgments of others, criticism of yourself, efforts to understand and control your world, comparisons of your value to others, rehearsals of how you will look cool or impress others, how you will explain your mistakes to maintain status, desires of achieving: getting this girl or that girl, regretting losses, mistakes, embarrassment in front of others from your past.  These thoughts are all worries about your social status. A non-dominant man’s focus is usually on maintaining his social status, or improving it in the future. Even more useless, he may recall times in his past when his status dropped, and he lost “cool points.” 

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These are not the thoughts of a dominant man.

Attraction Code Clue #4 We have just stumbled into a major clue in cracking the Attraction Code. Dominant men think differently than most. So the Attraction Code has something to do with how a man THINKS.

A Gli tc h i n the M atrix Today we still respond to social dominance, but no longer live in small tightknit tribes. So if you meet a woman, she doesn’t necessarily know where you stand in the social hierarchy. She makes unconscious judgments to determine your status in two ways. The first way is by looking at how others respond to you. This is why women go crazy for rock stars, celebrities and other men in positions of power. These people are given higher status than other people. One way to improve your success with women is to become a celebrity. Easy. Right? The second way is to observe your actions and your verbal and non-verbal communication so that it is not your actual status as determined by the group that’s important but your perceived or internal status.

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She’s assessing your status relative to hers. A woman is paying attention to dominance cues. They take priority over money, good looks, sharp clothes and fancy cars. Her awareness is so finetuned that she assesses men in a split second. We live in a society where you could travel to a new city across the ocean in a few hours, approach a woman you’ve never seen before, exhibit cues that indicate dominance, and have her attracted in mere seconds. Our society has developed to a level of sophistication far beyond what our emotional circuitry is ready for. This “glitch” is what makes pick-up based on cold approaches possible. The experience of a dominant man is different from the experiences of others, not just in terms of external influence or power, but also internally, as an emotional experience. You can’t fake high internal status. A high status man is accustomed to people treating him in a certain way and his entire manner reflects this.

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P atr i c k’s Sto ry 2: Eye s Wi de Open So we’re at the bar, and Jasmine is being weird.  The guys and I get there and she’s already drunk, and is flirting with every guy in the place.  I try to make her jealous by talking to other girls.  I’m already pretty buzzed, so I go up to some girls sitting near our table, and I’m like “What’s up ladies?”  They completely ignore me.  What the fuck!  I go sit down with Steve, who is flirting with the waitress.  He must know her.  This guy seems to know everyone.  I feel like shit, so I get a pitcher and go to town.  Then Jasmine comes over and sits next to me.  She is being all touchy-feely all of a sudden.  I like it, but it seems weird...like she just wants to make sure I’m not mad at her or something.  She’s looking at Steve a lot...across the table. She’ll have her hand on my thigh, but she’ll be looking at him, and every time he says something, she laughs really hard, like it’s the funniest thing she’s ever heard.  He’s not that funny. Asshole.

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 I drink too much, and start to feel sick and tired.  I call a cab.  I assume Jasmine is gonna come with me, but she says she is going to stay with her friends, and she’ll call me when they leave. I try to convince her, but she refuses. Isn’t it her obligation to come with me as a girlfriend? What the hell? I go home alone. I’m lying in bed, drunk, waiting for her to call.  I text her but I get no response.  I pass out.  The next day I get a text back.  She says her phone died last night while at the bar, and she wants to talk.  I call her.  She’s very quiet. She starts asking questions about our relationship. She used to tell me it would last forever... Was she lying the whole time? I don’t believe it, but...We’ve been on and off before.   Two days later, Toby calls me to let me know that Jasmine has spent the last two nights in Steve’s room.   I curl up and cry.  I want to vomit.  

  Jasmine was already sick of Patrick.  She probably had notions of hooking up with Steve even before the night began. 

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Jasmine got drunk so that she wouldn’t be responsible for her behavior.  When Jasmine came over to Patrick, but was looking at Steve, she was using Patrick as a tool to get Steve sexually attracted to her.  She knew that Steve is the kind of guy who would pick up on her signals.  When Patrick left, Steve knew it was ‘gameon.’  The rest was easy.  “Hey Jasmine, we still have a fifth of vodka back at my place.  You and your girls are welcome to hang out.”   When Patrick tried to talk to a group of women, he got ignored.  Here’s why: he came in with a sleazy vibe.  He thinks about talking to women as “hitting on chicks.”  Dominant men don’t hit on chicks.  They talk to women.  There is no sleazy, desperate, ladies-man act.  Patrick doesn’t know any better.  But he will.   Patrick is devastated by the outcome of all this.  Understandably so – he is a human being with emotions.  He has been betrayed by two people he thought he could trust.  What he will come to realize is that he betrayed himself first.  He sold himself short on what he felt he deserved in his life.  He is so upset that he curls up and cries in bed.  He feels so hurt that he wants to throw up, and although he doesn’t want to admit it, wants to kill Jasmine and Steve.  This is not overly dramatic - rage is very real and very common for normal, otherwise healthy individuals.   

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The irony here is that Patrick’s life was actually hindered by his relationship.  Not that Jasmine is an inherently bad person – it’s just that he placed responsibility for his well being on Jasmine. He also thought that the relationship was an agreement. An obligation for both partners, and that they had to stay in love with each other, whether there was attraction or not. As a result, he never learned how to talk to women in an attractive way.  Compare Patrick’s attitude to Steve’s. Steve developed his game as a single guy.  He hooked up with women, no strings attached, and kept his conversational skills sharp.  He also has so many options that he doesn’t get needy when he talks to women.  It looks like he already knows women when he talks to them.  It’s an illusion – he talks to them as if he knows them, and that’s what makes them attracted to him.  To everyone else, it looks like they are already friends.  This is real game – nothing flashy - just a lack of approvalseeking behavior, and a comfortable, playful vibe with women, like they are old friends.

By now you should have a pretty good idea of dominance and why it’s essential if you want to attract the kind of women you deserve. While an understanding of dominance may serve as a great foundation for

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learning the Attraction Code, it’s not enough to beat your chest, drag a woman to your cave and claim her as your own. (Although I have had girlfriends ask for this very thing) Sheer dominance will get some women some of the time, but it at the same time, it violates many social rules. We need to dig deeper. In the next chapter we are going to go back in time, and search for more clues that will lead to the discovery of the Attraction Code. We will first be going way back to the time before language even existed, and then fast-forward all the way up to the modern society of today.

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e Chapter e

2

Origins of the Attraction Code Is Yo u r Me ntal Software Obsolete? The other day I was having a conversation with a guy about women and dating.  I was telling him that women like it when a man guides them by putting his hand on their lower back, like when you are slow dancing or crossing the road. It makes them feel valued and safe.  He agreed, but thought this was ultimately rather silly.  He said that women don’t need to be protected by men – there are laws and police officers for that.  He was only seeing the surface.  I explained that our modern society has existed for just a sliver of time compared to our long human history. For hundreds of thousands of years, humans lived in treacherous environments, full of predators, competition, and scarce resources, and around the world many still do today. 

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So what does this have to do with you or me, in our society, in the 21st century?  A lot of times when I try to explain the rules of attraction, guys don’t understand that I’m talking about rules that developed over time, in our ancestors, which reside in our genetic memory.  For example, I’ll say, “You have to take the lead and make decisions about where to go and what to do. If she doesn’t want to go along with it, she’ll tell you, but she doesn’t want you to put the pressure of making the decision on her.” The guy will say, “That’s stupid. You should ask her what she wants to show that you care about her.”  Although what he’s saying rationally makes sense, her lack of confidence in making decisions is something that has evolved over literally millions of years.  Today, women are almost equal to men in legal terms. True, inequalities exist, but women have just as much chance to provide for themselves as men do. Women don’t need men to protect them or provide for them, or even get them pregnant. And yet… the strong desire to seek out and mate with men still exists.  The evolution process moves very slowly. As a species, our instincts have not caught up to our rapidly changing society.  This is because evolution happens slowly, over a span of generations. It takes about 1,000 generations for a significant, observable trait to manifest. The longer a species exists within an environmental niche the deeper and more lasting their traits and instinctual needs. Society evolves by the minute.  We are so smart that we have created a foreign environment that changes faster than we do. My father still calls the fridge the “ice box” and could never

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figure out how to program a VCR – which, at the time of this book is an artifact itself. We are operating on old software, and the most important thing to understand when your goal is to attract women, is that they are also operating on old software.  Even though it’s unnecessary, women want a man who is strong and can survive. But you don’t need to be strong or intelligent to survive in our society.  It’s very easy for most people to get through school, get a job, and get enough to eat every day, without being the most dominant member of the group.  And unless there is something seriously wrong with you, you have enough survival value to attract any woman you want.  So it’s no longer about demonstrating survival. It has become a game of exhibiting cues that convey relative dominance. And these cues aren’t technical tricks for you to memorize. The cues are governed by higher level processes - processes that we will soon investigate and begin to consciously control. Keep in mind, there has to be a balance. We cannot just simply play the old game. Some new rules also apply and we must take that into consideration. For example, buying a drink for a woman as a way of getting permission to talk to her is a weak move because it conveys to her that you are not valuable enough on your own and you need the added value of a strawberry daiquiri to be worth her while.  If you are already having fun together, it can be good to get a round of shots for the two of you. You are buying her a drink – a relatively modern convention - but you are doing it in a way that conveys survivability, providing for her

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and so valuing her according to ancient rules – you are conveying a dominant character. She is looking at your character instead of your cool haircut or your fancy watch.  By modern society’s rules politeness, money and cool clothes would be most important in conveying dominance and thus attracting women. I assure you they are not.  Think of how many times you have wondered how some loser with a crappy job and no money could have gotten a beautiful woman like her…  Remember: A man’s value is in his character.  And your character is not judged according to modern society’s survival requirements. If you have a job and a nice car and health insurance, then you are a survivor. By today’s standards, you’re a good investment.  Unfortunately, she is not wired to screen for a nice car and health insurance.  Even a woman who asks you what kind of car you drive is really screening to see how you answer the question. In other words, she is testing something else, and is probably a characteristic that has evolved over millions of years. When you understand the attraction code, you won’t even have to think about how to pass her test. It will already be in you.

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Attraction Code Clue #5 Today’s society is a technological marvel and has out-evolved our own biological instincts. We cannot trust modern science or even the latest psychology to point us in the right direction. We must look elsewhere and ultimately find a solution which not only gives us the dominance necessary for attraction, but also considers society’s new rules.

To ni g h t o n th e Di scovery Chan n el… In mammals, the male impregnates the female who then carries the offspring inside of her. After birth, the child needs to be fed, protected and taught to be self-sufficient.  This takes a lot of physical resources. The best chance of survival for a pregnant mother and her baby is for the male who impregnates her to be fit – to have good genes. This is important so that not only will her baby have the best genes, but also so that the male will protect and care for her and the baby.  This is not always the case, but is true in primates, and especially modern humans and our ancestors. 

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It’s a gene game.  Just as a man is driven to pass on his genes, a woman wants to pass on her genes as well. She is attracted to a male who is sexually virile, strong, a survivor who can make a lot more survivors in their offspring because they carry his genes. Here’s where it gets interesting. Have you ever wondered why women are so much pickier when it comes to sex, when men will sometimes try to have sex with anything that moves? Here’s why. When the female has sex she takes more of a risk to her survival than the male who impregnates her.  In order to make a baby, a man must simply thrust until he has an orgasm. Tough job, right? I once saw a comedian who mentioned that he was going to be a father in 4 months. When the audience applauded this announcement he looked surprised and said “it’s no big deal… I just fucked my wife.” A woman endures much more. Animals are wired to be chemically rewarded for doing their evolutionary duty. In fact, because she is taking a bigger risk, she experiences a greater chemical reward.  A woman’s experience of sex and orgasm is different from a man’s – there is a longer and more pronounced endorphin and dopamine release. At the same time however, she has more to lose.  This dynamic allowed the evolution of sexually driven women who screen their men relentlessly. It’s a beautiful thing, and one of the main reasons why humans are at the top of the food-chain.

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Attraction Code Clue #6 Women are biologically different than men. As a result of sex, a woman could get pregnant and need to expend an enormous amount of physical and emotional resources. The Attraction Code MUST take this difference into consideration.

Th e O r i g i n of Social Behav ior Some 3 million years ago, certain primate species came out of the trees and began to walk on two legs.  Our ancestors faced new kinds of predators and could no longer stay up in the trees to avoid being eaten.  They had to adapt to new conditions. They had to walk around and forage for food.  There was strength in numbers. By sticking together, a troop of bipedal (standing on two legs) apes could fend off a lion that would easily mangle any one of them.  Much more recently, around 100,000 years ago, the climate changed drastically, becoming very cold and dry.  There was an extreme shortage of water and livable climate.  Anthropologists call this an environmental bottle-neck. It is the kind of situation that speeds up the evolutionary process because it demands that you adapt or die. 

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Some species become extinct in this situation. Other species adapt and become stronger.  That’s what happened to early humanoids – most became extinct, but one small strain of homo-sapiens survived and evolved. The most important change that our ancestors made was the development of the mind. This mind was capable of symbolic thought, empathy, and possessed a powerful memory. 

Th e Ama zi ng Effec ts of M ega M emory As the climate changed, humans had to find new food sources. In a colder climate, our age-old sources of food - bugs and berries - were no longer available, and we had to hunt bigger sources of protein.  Shelter and clothing were a necessity in order to survive the harsh elements. Locations conducive to survival – warmth, water, and food, were hard to find. We had to share resources. We had to learn to get along with each other, form alliances, share information.  Our minds gave us the ability to remember, form social alliances, maintain social status, and strategize day-to-day survival. The mind became the most powerful survival asset. Brute force was no longer all important. The new alpha male was smart, social, athletic, and skilled in hunting and gathering food. Because we were now a social species, the new alpha-male was the man who was valuable to others. He was no longer a bully, but a leader in the group. A profound and revealing fact must also be mentioned.  It has been proven through anthropological forensics, that humans did not

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start speaking verbal language until about 50,000 years ago.  Remember that tribal pre-humans emerged 2 million years ago. That means that for 1.95 million years, our ancestors functioned in tribes, without speaking in words.  Vocal cords didn’t appear until 200,000 years ago, and only then, we communicated with grunts and moans. As a species, ‘talking’ with words is relatively new.  For most of our history, we communicated by entirely different means. The 50,000 years since the emergence of language is a sliver of time compared to the millions of years we evolved to communicate non-verbally.   Again, this is not enough time to phase out what took so long to hardwire into our nature. Humans communicate verbally, but more so non-verbally, through body language, emotions observed physically, eye contact, vocal inflection.

Attraction Code Clue #7 Humans have been mating long before language has even existed. So we know that body language and other physical cues are much more significant than language. However, an attractive man is not constantly THINKING about these things, they just happen automatically. He must be thinking about something else…

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P atr i c k’s Sto ry 3: “Wh at’s He Go t that I Don ’t?”  I hate Steve.  But I want what Steve has.  In my heart, I will never forgive him.  But I will tell him that I forgive him so that things can be cool.  That way I can find out what the hell it is he does that makes him so attractive to women.  I’ve heard that women like confidence over looks.  Steve is definitely a confident guy.  What makes him so confident?  A couple months after the ‘incident,’ I call Steve and ask him what it is that he does to get all the girls and make all the guys respect him.  He’s like, “Dude... just be yourself.  Fuck what everyone else thinks.  I’m sorry about Jasmine.  She’s a slut, no offense.  We don’t even talk anymore.  You can do better.  Fuck these girls man.  Do your thing.”  Great.  Thanks Dr. Phil.   I notice Steve does certain things.  He is loud, and says random shit.  He’s kind of like Dane Cook.  But you can tell he doesn’t give a fuck.  He wears old soccer t-shirts to the bar.  He shaves about

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twice a week, if that.  He talks about his dick constantly. He hugs girls a lot...he pulls them close to him with an arm around their shoulder.  When we are at the bar, I always see him talking to a girl with his phone out.  I don’t know if he’s getting numbers, or if he’s texting other people and ignoring the girl he’s talking to.  He’s...in his own world.  I want in.   I have another friend.  His name is Terrell.  I’ve known this guy since middle school.  We lived on the same block and would usually walk home together after school.  In 8th grade, we started hanging out, and since then we have connected on some really deep conversations.  I love the guy to death but I feel like we come from different worlds sometimes.  We stay in touch and occasionally have a couple beers together.  One topic that always comes up is girls.  ‘T’ is a pimp.  Not literally, but he has probably hooked up with more girls than Steve.  You can tell when you talk to him.  He is cool, calm and confident... and he oozes sexuality. 

 

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Patrick is swallowing his ego, at least for the time-being.   He has adopted a student role.  That’s the right way to go.  Even a master knows that he is always a student.  That’s part of what mastery is – acceptance without needing to be perfect.  In this acceptance a man is free to move toward perfection.  Whether he achieves it or not is irrelevant.  Patrick has begun the process.   Steve actually gives Patrick good advice.  The only problem is that Steve is telling Patrick about the end-point.  He’s not saying how to get there.  “Just be confident.”  It’s easy to say, but humans need a way to grow and change.  Sure, instant enlightenment happens, but don’t wait for it.  Patrick has completely different life experience than Steve.  There’s no way Patrick can be like Steve.  That’s ok – he doesn’t have to; he can still have the same kind of social and sexual success that Steve has.    What makes Steve attractive is that he acts himself. He does not seek approval.  Because of this, he is assigned high status among men and women.  He satisfies the first need of women; the need for dominance. Even though he is weak in other areas, he still dominates his social group and is very successful with women.  That’s how powerful dominant cognition is.   Patrick can’t learn much else from Steve.  Steve has told

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Patrick – be yourself, don’t seek approval, don’t over-value individual women.  Terrell embodies this advice as well, but he does something else – he is very smooth.  “Smooth” means he knows how to move towards a sexual outcome, without triggering ‘red-lights.’  He never makes a woman agree to sex, or make a woman agree to a sexual outcome.  T calls girls, and tells them to come by his place and “kick it.”  He invites them to hang out with him and his friends.  It’s never overtly sexual.  Later on, we’ll find out how T does his thing when he gets his woman alone.

Th e Ne w Alph a: Take M e to Your Leader The strength-in-numbers principle led to the forming of bigger, more complex tribes.  Groups of 50 to 150 were bound by blood, social alliance, and sex. Successful humans stuck together, and helped each other navigate the environment. Within these tribes, some men were more adept at survival than others, and were thus appointed status, or influence, in the tribe.  Imagine two men – a big strong man who used brute force to hoard food and overpower women; and a smaller but smarter, physically capable man who brought people together for the better of the group as a whole.   One man serves himself, and sees his neighbors as enemies to dominate

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through force. The other sees allies and friends that can help him and the group as a whole.  One man will gain the respect and support of many, the other will not. So, as organized tribes emerged, physical dominance lost some of its power in exchange for social adeptness and intelligence. A man who could bring people together in allegiance to him based on his superior survival value would have much more influence than any lone brute. The nature of dominance shifted from physical strength to internal character traits.  There are two very important things to understand here. First, the dominant male is not a self-serving bully, but an altruistic leader, who takes on the responsibility of the group’s survival. Second, a man is dominant, not because of his size or aggressive nature, but because of his mind and how he thinks.  A man is dominant, and therefore attractive because of his character – how he thinks and acts – more so than his physical size or appearance. Not only is he skilled socially but he is a strong leader.  He knows where the good hunting is; he bravely protects his tribe members against predators or other tribes. In sex, he not only seeks his own pleasure, but seeks to pleasure his woman as well. This man will be assigned the role of alpha male – he will be given status (an ‘effect’) because of his internal state (a ‘cause’). He is who he is, and the group sees his value, and is loyal to him.  Although being physically fit was still attractive because it indicated having good genes, being a leader was more important.  What does a leader do? He gets the best out of those around him, and guides

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his team towards a goal. The new alpha male is socially skilled at drawing out the contributions of each member of the tribe for a greater good. While the nature of the alpha man has changed through time, the responsibilities and perks are exactly the same. 

Attraction Code Clue #8 The focus of attention of a good leader is on the well-being of his group. Could the nature of a man’s focus be an important component in the Attraction Code?

Ac t Ci vilized. Around 10,000 years ago, humans developed farming and started settling into local communities. These farming communities developed into towns, and ultimately into cities.  With the evolution of cities came organized governments – which were really just extensions of the tribal leaders. Organized governments began to regulate the mating habits of citizens.  Government was not like our democratic republic, or other current governments formed with the intention of preserving peace and protecting citizens. For most of civilized history, governments were more like bullies than protectors, ruling with violence and intimidation. 

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With a few notable exceptions, kings and kingdoms were self-serving. Kings would build harems, selecting the most attractive females from the territories they ruled.  At the same time as farming camps grew into villages and cities, the family unit became integral to maintaining cultural and religious order. Marriage was institutionalized to keep mating habits in check. In response, women’s sexual nature became stifled. Women could no longer have the freedom of expressing their attraction to those men who they were naturally attracted to. If they showed attraction or god forbid had sex with a man who wasn’t marriage material, these women were actually prosecuted. Promiscuous women were branded as witches in Europe and colonial America, and tortured to death.  As this trend continued, socializing and mating became more symbolic and organized. These new cultures soon became traditions which were passed from generation to generation, limiting how men and women got together.  Religion continued to dominate society and concepts like chastity and sin, primarily applied to women’s sexuality, became a key part of the cultural psyche. Women were now forced to live under different rules that were incongruent with their natural biology. And although this period of time lasted thousands of years, it was still far too short to make deep biological changes in women’s sexual receptivity. 

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Attraction Code Clue #9 Women are sexually repressed and have been for the past few hundred years. Although their sexual drive is as strong as a man’s, they must take the consequences of their actions into consideration before acting on that drive. Is it really possible the Attraction Code will allow men to bypass this dilemma completely?

P u tti ng th e F e a r of God in Y ou Although history of marriage and the family unit was too short to create an evolutionary impact on women’s biology, it did set the tone for what was considered dominant in modern times. The most common dominance cue from this period is wealth.  Jewelry, property, and financial power became arbitrary status indicators. We are still persuaded to believe these things indicate actual dominance.  Governmental power continued to determine one’s mating selection. Laws were imposed to make women subordinate to men and they were treated like property for the wealthy and powerful to possess.

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This was a powerful motivator for men to work hard, become rich and drive the economy. The lower class – everyone except those in government (99 percent of the population) were forced to marry – to bond with one woman. This kept men with less options satisfied so they wouldn’t rebel against the government, and allowed those with more options (the rich and powerful) to indulge themselves.   I’m sure you are well aware that this dynamic continues to exist to this very day.

Effe c ts o f So c i e ty on M odern Women Yes, laws and traditions have been developed to keep women from being promiscuous.  This has not stopped women from being sexual – they have the same bodies, the same hormones and the same instinctual drives.  Those drives have become a cluttered, complex, unhealthy matrix of sexual urges and social facades.  Instead of expressing their sexuality in an honest, healthy way, women do the same things men do. They buy stuff because they are told they need it be attractive to the opposite sex.  Women put makeup on their faces, buy shiny trinkets for their wrists and ears, and uncomfortable, expensive clothes to enhance or reveal parts of their bodies. They even put rubber balloons filled with jelly inside their bodies because they are told they will be more attractive to men. Put simply, women want pleasure, without being persecuted and labeled as desperate or sluts. 

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Their natural drive to be penetrated and pleasured, to pleasure and enjoy men, is stifled. She feels this, but can’t show it. If she does, she is vulnerable to persecution, whether it’s at the stake, in court, or simply with social isolation. You are enough.  If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be here. How did your ancestors have sex? It wasn’t a miracle and they didn’t need a diamond engagement ring.  Women want what you can give them. This is self-evident. You doubt it because you’ve been told it isn’t true..  It’s about you and your woman and the pleasure you give each other in the moment you have together.

P atrick’s Story #4: “Wh y Wo n’t Sh e An swer the Phon e?” There’s this girl...Alicia. She’s a friend of a girl I know, named Jill.  Steve used to date this girl, Jill.  Jill and I ended up being friends (nothing more, of course).  Jill still comes around to hang out.  Sometimes she brings her friend Alicia.  Alicia is really cute, and is also really cool...

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we have great conversations when she comes out.  I think I noticed some heavy eye-contact, but it might be all in my head.  The funny thing about Alicia is that she doesn’t respond to Steve... at all.  Every time Steve talks to her, he looks like he is trying to spit game, but Alicia will have none of it.  Maybe that’s why I like her so much.  I ask Jill for Alicia’s number.  Since me and Jill are tight, she gives it to me.  The next night, Thursday, I decide I will call around 8pm.  At 7:35 I start sweating.  At 8:03, I pick up the phone.    Alica: “Hello”   Patrick: “Hey! It’s Patrick.  Jill gave me your number.  I know it’s totally random but, yeah, I just wanted to give you a call and say what’s up, because I talked to Jill the other day, and she was like, talking about you, or whatever.”   Alicia:  “oh.  Cool.  So um...how are you?”   Patrick: “Um, I’m ok.  I’m really tired.  I was um, I had a bunch of stuff to do today.  Yeah it sucked. 

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I was at the store, and had to get this package of burgers, you know, meat, or whatever, because we - me and my friend, are going to barbecue later, and so anyways, we were on the phone, and he’s like get enough for five people, because we were gonna invite some people, so that it wasn’t weird...I mean not weird, but...

  This is too painful – I have to butt in.  Patrick is so nervous that he is:   a) Talking way too much, way too fast, about completely unnecessary stuff.

- and  b) He is barely making sense, because his mind is filled with worry – ‘Am I saying something stupid?  Will she reject me?  How am I going to ask her out without getting rejected?”    His focus is on seeking approval.  This is such a monumental task – to control a stranger’s thoughts so that they think you are a cool person.  Humans have been playing the ‘cool game’ for so long, and there’s still no real “answer” for how to make everyone like you. I suggest that you give up the “cool game” altogether, and focus on something else.  Patrick will learn this, the hard way.

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The conversation continues.  After a few minutes, Patrick pulls it together enough to slow down and have a relatively coherent conversation ...he’s asking a lot of questions, and Alicia is doing her best to answer.  Finally he gets around to it.   Patrick: “So I was wondering if um, if you weren’t doing anything Friday, um, if you’d want to maybe do something.”   Alicia:  “um, I’m not sure.  Just give me a call!”   Patrick (thinking “BIG SUCCESS”): “OK!  Cool, I’ll talk to you Thursday and find out what you are doing.”

  Major problems here – first of all, Patrick is desperate for Alicia to like him; if she doesn’t, he may never get laid again! 

Seriously though, Patrick has absolutely no idea how to set up a date in a dominant way.  By favor of the gods (or a little convincing from Jill) Alicia actually answers the phone on Thursday, and agrees to go out to dinner with Patrick on Friday.  Taking a girl out to dinner is, in itself, a huge mistake unless you already have dominance in effect.  Let’s skip to the end, when Patrick drives up to Alicia’s house to drop her off:   Patrick:  “I guess this is it.”

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 Alicia:  “Yeah, well, I’ll see you later.”   Patrick: “Yeah, I um...wanted to tell you that um...I had a really nice time, and um, I think you’re like, a really cool girl.”   Alicia: “Uh thanks.  You’re cool too.”   Patrick:  “Yeah, um, I’ve liked you since we met at Mike’s that one time. I just thought you were really cool and we had a really cool conversation and so I wanted to tell you that.”   Alicia: “Yeah, cool, well I should go now…”   Patrick: “Yeah, um, do you want to go out sometime, I mean, again?  To like, a movie or something?”   Alicia: “Um, sure, just give me a call.”   (Patrick calls.  A lot.  Alicia never answers.) 

 I’m pissed.  I don’t know what happened.  I probably said something stupid.  The only way to find out what I did wrong is to talk to Jill.  I call her and ask her what Alicia thought of me.  She wouldn’t tell me specifically what Alicia said, but she gave me some advice. 

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She tells me that women like it when guys are nice, but not suck ups.  Women want a man.  They hate it when guys get all emotional and sentimental too early.  It just looks weak.  She said not to get down on myself just because Alicia won’t call me back.  Alicia goes on a lot of dates, and is very picky.  She almost never sees guys more than once or twice.  I don’t get it.  Don’t get it.  Doesn’t she like guys?  Doesn’t she want a boyfriend?  Jill says it’s not that Alicia doesn’t want a guy in her life.  She does...very much so.  It’s just that every single guy she goes out with is either creepy, overly nice, or is a complete ass and tries to get in her pants way too fast.  Every single guy!   I think about how I’ve seen Steve and all my other friends treat Alicia.  They are extremely aggressive and leering, or they get really quiet and weird around her.  I guess I was the third way – super nice.  But I don’t get it.  I’m a nice guy.  That’s just me.  I ask, what’s wrong with being nice to people?  Jill thinks for a second.   “You are too nice.  It’s not natural.  It feels like you want something from us.”   

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But I do!  I want to go out, date, have sex, maybe even have a girlfriend.    Jill says, “That’s all fine, but you can’t rush it.  Why do you want so much from Alicia?  You barely know her.  It looks desperate.  You’re not alone.  Every guy throws themselves at Alicia, and she knows that it’s just because she’s pretty.  Guys want to take her out to dinner before she’s done anything to deserve it.  It’s nice to feel wanted, but it’s different if you actually want a guy you can be with.”   But what about sex?  Doesn’t Alicia miss sex?    “Alicia can get sex pretty much whenever she wants.  She used to hook up with this guy a while back, because he was cool and the sex was good.  But then even he got weird on her and started calling too much.  He started sending her flowers and stopping by without calling first.  You have to understand, Alicia is not going to just say, “Ok, let’s have sex.”  She needs to feel something for the guy, but she also needs him to take the lead, without getting creepy.  Guys are so nice that it’s almost like they are gay, or they are complete jerks who just want sex.  And then they get creepy. 

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Alicia and I complain all the time...why can’t guys just be normal!  Girls don’t want some crazy bad-boy, or some super nice wuss-boy.  They want a man who can relax and be himself, without getting needy or weird.”

  Patrick is lucky to have a friend like Jill.  If Patrick could have asked Alicia what went wrong, he would have heard the following things: First of all, the phone call was weird.  It was nice that he called, but he sounded nervous, and the conversation felt forced.  Alicia didn’t really want to go out with him, but she felt obligated to, since Jill vouched for him. Obligation is the opposite of attraction. Think about all the things in life that you are obligated to do: Go to work, pay your taxes, and wait in traffic. The list goes on and on. Anytime a person feels obligated to do something, their interest and attraction to that thing goes down… Way down. So it’s very important to avoid conversational topics related to obligation, avoid using obligation in getting a woman to see you, and always avoid setting up the feeling of obligation in relationships.  Patrick picked Alicia up Friday night, and it was the same as on the phone.  He was incredibly nervous and the conversation felt forced.  At dinner, Alicia felt like Patrick was sucking

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up – he was acting like he was applying for a job.    Alicia has seen this so many times from guys – they want the job of being her boyfriend.  They try to give her all their qualifications, and put her on this pedestal that she doesn’t want to be on.  Patrick tried to pay for dinner, but Alicia wouldn’t let him, and she paid for her half.  She didn’t want to feel like she owed Patrick anything.  She had a lot of experience with guys trying to bribe her into sex with dinner, jewelry, favors, etc.  Alicia actually entertained the thought of making out with Patrick later if he could calm down.  He was cute, and there were a few flashes of a cool, fun personality but they drove back to Alicia’s house in total silence.  It felt so awkward.    Patrick will put some major pieces together from talking to Jill.  He will realize that the road he needs to be on will lead him to his true self.  He realizes that all his life, he has been giving women too much credit, based on their looks.  He realizes that he did want a relationship with Alicia, without really knowing that much about her.  He realizes that his “niceness” was fake – that he was doing it in the hopes that Alicia would say, “Wow, Patrick, you’re so nice to me, will you be my new boyfriend?”  How absurd.  Now he’s got a few ideas floating around in his head – concepts that women seem to want: • Be cool • Be yourself

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• Be a man • Don’t be needy for sex or a girlfriend   What is “cool”?  What does, “Be yourself, be a man,” mean?  How can he be less needy and separate himself from other guys?  These are all really the same thing.   First and foremost, Patrick needs to be more relaxed around women.  His nervous state gets transferred to those around him.  Women see him as insecure, unsure of himself, and probably “up to something.”  Why else would he be nervous?  He’s bigger and stronger than they are – he’s not facing any real threat to his well-being by talking to a woman.  The only reason why he’d be nervous is if he wanted something, and was scared he might not get it – he has some kind of guilty agenda.  Maybe he wants to hurt her, or maybe he wants to use her for sex and never speak to her again.  Or maybe he thinks that the girl won’t enjoy sex with him, and he’s ashamed of this.  These are the kinds of impressions a woman gets when a man is too nervous around her – he is offering nothing, has no intention of making her feel good, but is bent on getting something from himself – he is “guilty.”  His body language is akin to how he’d act if he were in a store with the intention of shoplifting.  Nervous body language and forced conversation is very unnerving to a woman half your size.

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e Chapter e

3

Female Psychology, How to View Women, and Why The Attraction Code Works Wo me n Do n’t Make Sen se… Or D o They ? Men’s conventional wisdom says that women are complicated and don’t make any sense.  I’ve even heard men say that women are illogical or more emotional than men. Rubbish. Of course women make sense. It’s rare that I encounter behavior in women that baffles me. Sure, I make mistakes and sometimes misunderstand the signals women give me but upon reflection it always makes sense. Perfect sense.  Here’s a new idea:  Women make perfect sense - just as men make perfect sense. 

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You just need to understand things from their point of view. It’s not too complex to understand we’re simply unfamiliar with it. They are less concerned about the content of what you are saying and more concerned with the implications.  Women are looking at your body language and voice tone to determine who you really are. The way you communicate reveals your character. And if she’s going to have sex with you, your character affects her future, even if only for tonight and tomorrow. But to men, women can seem complicated or even downright chaotic because they have different desires, drives and fears. Remember, women are finely tuned machines hardwired for survival and replication - just like men. Their software is in full-effect, observing and processing cues all around them, trying to work out what will be best for their genes, based on factors criteria that have evolved over millions of years.

What I Learned About Women in Physics 101 Think about the force of gravity. When you hold a book up in the air you can feel gravity pulling it towards earth. Let it go and it falls. And once it’s on the ground you can no longer feel the pull.

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Attraction works the same way. When the object of attraction is away from the one who desires it, the force of attraction can be felt. Once she has it though, the force of attraction is no longer perceived. A woman’s drive is to have. Attraction is keeping this drive alive by never fully satisfying it. The feeling of attraction is a perpetual pull. When a woman completely gets what she wants there’s no more pull and therefore no more feeling of attraction.  What she wants is one half of attraction, not having it is the other half. Tension is a very intuitive aspect of attraction, but isn’t defined so easily. People sometimes use words like “unresolved,” “intrigue,” or “challenge.”  One thing to watch out for is that if you haven’t dated a woman in a while, or haven’t had sex lately, you will perceive a woman as way more valuable than she really is. You will be ‘sold’ too fast, and probably end up demonstrating too much interest. She interprets this as you being desperate for sex.  This is, in itself, unattractive and doesn’t give her the chance to earn the necessary value that would lead to a potential long-term bond. She will feel that you are going to use her for sex and then move on to your next conquest.  Revealing a genuine interest in a woman is incredibly powerful, and naturally results in tension; you’re interested,

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but not sold.  Find things you genuinely like about her, but don’t blow them out of proportion.  A good way to naturally create tension is to wait before resolving emotions or information.  You need not do this in a manipulative way. The natural way to do this is, again, is to just be real about how much you like her.  If you just met this woman, she is not that important to you yet. Therefore, you don’t care if she knows your whole story.  Men want women to like them so much, that they will spill their life story as a way of seeking a pat on the head – very weak.  Let her find things out about you. Remember that a leader is focused on the value of others, not his own.  You don’t have to pretend to be some kind of mystery, but don’t be so quick to tell your story or explain yourself. Let her work a little to get to know you. When you get your attitude right, she will work. Eventually, when you get to a point where you truly want to give yourself to one woman you can do so – but never at the expense of your own personal integrity and self-respect. This decision must also be your conscious choice; you are not simply giving in to her automatic tendency to pull you.

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If she likes your character she will try to pull you in subtle ways. The things that pull you and how easily you’re pulled speak volumes about your character.

A Ro bo t. With Boobs. Now as you may or may not have noticed, I am treating all of this very scientifically, dissecting attraction and interactions with women down the most basic, fundamental elements. A lot of guys tend to get caught up in concepts. Resist that tendency. Many times, guys will talk about women like they are concepts or objects. I hear guys all the time say, “dude, let’s go out tonight and pick up some chicks,” or “dude, I need to get some hoes,” as if you could go to the store and buy a box of “chicks” or “hoes.”  When you think about women, do you picture actual individual human beings, or do you envision a blurred cluster of pretty things (chicks, babes, cuties, hotties) that you have to “get”? 

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Women are not robots. They are not concepts. They are real.  They are living, breathing, thinking, feeling humans just like you and me. Keep in mind as you go through this book that we’ll be talking about the desires and tendencies of women. Yes, a lot of women share the same drives and motivations, but at the same time they have unique thoughts, emotions, experiences, hopes and dreams.  Drop what you think you know and pay attention to the individuality of every woman you meet.  No amount of theory and conceptualizing can replace undistracted attention to the woman in front of you.  The problem is that most men don’t listen, because they are busy preparing their next line.  This is a problem because the very impulse to formulate this line stems from the perception of women as concepts, robots, or worse, opponents.

One Team , On e Dream . When you turn women into concepts, it’s impossible not to see them as opponents to be conquered.  Women are not your opponents. They are your teammates. The language of the pickup community reveals the prevalence of this mindset. Women are referred to as “targets” or even “opponents” in a “game” to be won.

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Here’s another perspective: Women are your teammates: they want what you want.  But isn’t it true that women want commitment and men just want to get laid?  Here’s reality: Women want to get laid, and also want commitment.  Men want to get laid, and also want commitment. What both sexes want is a pressure-free, no-strings-attached relationship until it an intimate committed relationship naturally forms on its own.  No honest, healthy, moderately experienced man or woman will argue with this.  Seeing a woman as your enemy will make you feel like you are “up to something” by trying to get to know her, or have sex with her, and actually make you look weak and lacking in self-confidence.  Women can smell false integrity or a guilty, self-centered intention a mile away.  Seeing a woman as your enemy means you are not used to women wanting what you are offering. It means that you are used to women disliking you. It means you have to conquer women against their will, by means of treachery.  This is bad.  They already like you – they just need to feel like you genuinely like them, for the right reasons, i.e. the reasons contained in the Attraction Code. When you try to turn a woman into a concept or a robot to be controlled with tactics you limit yourself from truly connecting with her. 

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Trying to make her think, say or do something you want means you are trying to control her.  Stop trying to control women. Instead, understand them, pay attention, and control yourself.

P atrick’s Story #5: Th e Hu mp I have finally admitted something to myself. I am scared of girls.  I don’t know why.  I just get so nervous around them.  It makes no sense.  I’m just terrified when I think about talking to a girl, unless I’m completely drunk.  I’m getting older, and I can’t get drunk all the time...I hate the idea of poisoning my body just so I can talk to a 120 lb. girl.  My older brother is the bravest guy I know.  He was in the Marines for 6 years, and has been working at a car dealership since he got out.  He’s married now, and his wife is hot.  He’s really nice to her, but he is very commanding as well.    I remember when we were at his house for a barbecue, and his wife, who is pregnant, was sitting

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with my mom drinking lemonade.  Rick, my brother, shouts at her from across the lawn, in his big, booming voice, “Hey woman!  Run on in the house and grab some hot dog buns.”  The funny thing was, Rick was standing right next to the house, and could’ve easily gotten the buns for himself.  Rita jumps up, and as she’s walking past me and Rick, he grabs her arm...not harshly, but like she’s a little kid and he’s looking out for her – and tells her to bring us a couple cold ones too.  When she comes back out, she hands us our beers.  I say thanks.  Rick pulls her close and whispers in her ear, “I am gonna give it to you so hard…”  She gets a shocked, happy smile on her face and slaps him on the chest.  She walks back to my mom.  Rick shouts after her, “I love you baby,” with a big grin on his face.   Rick’s never had a problem getting women, but I’ve always been too proud to ask him for advice. I didn’t really need it when I was with Jasmine.  Well, actually, I guess I did.  I don’t want him to think his little bro is scared of girls.  But I need to know how to handle this fear.  I decide to give him a call at around 10pm, so I know he’ll have time to talk.  

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I ask him how he handles fear.  I won’t tell him anything more.  I just want to know what things he’s been scared of, and how he got over his fear.  He talks about the military, and how you don’t really have the choice of being afraid in the Marines.  “You don’t have time to be afraid.  If you stop and think, you’re toast.  You’re either gonna have a drill sergeant up your ass for the next month, or you’re gonna be dead if you’re in combat.  Fear comes from thinking too much; something you’ve always been good at little bro...thinking too much!”    I ask him about other times in his life when he was scared.  He talked about getting in fights when he was young.  He talked about getting butterflies so bad in his high school football days, that he’d have to puke a couple times before every game.  He also talked about getting out of the military, and coming back to normal life, and how scary that was.  He talked about getting married, and how he sometimes worries about supporting his wife, and being a good father to their baby.   He said that fear is in your mind.  When you are faced with a challenge, your thoughts will make you afraid.  The challenge is not the thing to fear...everyone faces challenges. 

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Humans have been fighting to survive since the beginning.  Life isn’t easy...every man is gonna face certain challenges.  But you have to remember, you’re not really afraid of what you think you are.  There’s the thing, out here, in reality, and then there’s the thing, in your mind, that makes this ‘outer thing’ into a monster.    When you stop to think about how badly things might go, you are toast.  Don’t think about the problem...focus on what you have to do to overcome it.  Focus your mind on what you are doing, and act, now.  There’s a line in a movie, one of Rick’s favorites – Three Kings.  It’s about some American soldiers who go AWOL in the first Iraq war to steal some gold.  One of the guys is scared of an upcoming gun battle.  Archie, the sergeant, played by George Clooney, tells his soldier, “Here’s how it works. You do the thing you are afraid of first.  And then the fear goes away.  Not the other way around.”  To kill fear, you must do the thing you are afraid of. And the only way to do that is to focus on what you are doing, and act.

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  So that’s it.  That’s what I have to do.  No more analyzing my fear.  I have to act.  I need experience.  I need to get over this hump, so I can relax and make this happen for myself.  I am committed to figuring this out and getting this part of my life solved.  The following night, I go out with some friends.  I don’t drink.  No crutches, no help.  I’m gonna do this.  We walk in to the bar, my two drunken friends, and me.  I see all these people in a different way, now.  They look so scary now that I want to talk to them.  I see girls in miniskirts, heels, makeup.  They don’t look cute.  They look intimidating.  I see guys.  They all look bigger and more confident than me.  Every girl looks like she’s with a guy who could be her boyfriend.  I don’t want to get beaten up if I talk to the wrong girl.    I see some girls close by, and go over.  I say, “Hey guys.  What’s up? You all look really hot.”  They laugh, and glance around at each other.  I feel retarded.  My heart is pounding.  One sticks her hand out, and says “I’m Christy.”  Holy shit.  I’m caught off guard.  I end up talking to her

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for a few minutes...I’m telling her about school and doing my best to make her think I’m a cool guy.  I talk about my job, friends, my ex-girlfriend.  The more I talk, the less interested she seems.  After a few minutes she says she has to go to the bathroom with her friends.    I go back to my buds standing by the bar.  A cute blonde walks past.  I step into her path, and say to her, “Hey, where you going? The party’s over here.”  She looks at me blankly and says she has to get back to her boyfriend.  My friends are cracking up.  “Denied! Hahaha!”  Then my one of my friends says, “Hey man, at least you tried.  And you’re sober!  Shit…I don’t know any guys that try to talk to girl at the bar when they are sober.”   Interesting…   For some reason, I’m not so scared anymore. I haven’t had any real ‘success,’ but I’m actually in a more energized mood.  I see some cute girls sitting down across the room.  I go over.  “Hey guys!  I thought I’d come hang out with some cute girls while my friends wait for drinks.”  One of them is looking at me with a big smile on her face.  I ask her if I can sit down.  She moves her purse.  I’m in.  This time, I am a little more relaxed, and the

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conversation goes better.  I try to flirt by telling the girl next to me how cute she is.  I ask her if she has a boyfriend.  I tell her that I’m single.  She starts paying more attention to her friends.  I try to get her attention again by commenting on her earrings, when I go to touch one, she jerks her head away and looks at her friends like, “This guy’s weird.” They all start ignoring me.  I get up and walk off.  This time I’m mad.  I tell my friends bye and then I leave.

  Patrick is deflated, but he’s actually doing great.  Tonight he did what very few guys are able to do.  He approached women despite his fear. 

And he actually got into some decent conversation, at first.  That was a big eye-opener for him.  Girls like to be approached, and once you get past that part, it’s not hard to keep a conversation going as long as you are having fun yourself.  Notice that the girls like Patrick at first.  But he talks too much, trying to impress the girls and make them like him.  He is so worried about saying the right things, that most of what he says is very boring and irrelevant to the group discussion.   

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His body language is nervous and jerky – he moves too fast and looks uncomfortable.  Women are attracted to him, until they see that he is nervous and trying too hard.  He is probably on the prowl, and probably desperate.  The final straw is when he tries to touch the girl’s earring.  She didn’t feel comfortable enough with him to let him touch her head.  Touching a woman’s head too fast is a big mistake.  There is a smooth progression of touching, as Patrick will soon discover.   Notice how going slow, and having an empty mind is so crucial to all this.  Not that slowness is inherently attractive.  It implies that you are relaxed.  Being relaxed means you are comfortable around women, and you are unaffected by other people.  This is how dominance feels – relaxed and comfortable.    One thing Patrick does well already is opening.  His openers could be better – not calling girls ‘ladies,’ not saying ‘you guys are hot,’ – and he could be louder and more relaxed.  But so far, he’s fine.  He’s actually lucky he hasn’t stumbled into some of the bad advice that’s out there.  He doesn’t have it programmed into his mind that he needs a super opener, or a big story or routine stack to talk to girls.  He feels enough pressure to say the right things once he’s

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in the conversation, he doesn’t need any more pressure to have some perfect opener.  Women don’t decide they will fuck you or date you because your opening line was awesome.  For Patrick, getting overdosed on seduction theories won’t be a problem.    I wake up the next day, and realize something.  I’m still me.  I’m ok.  It’s a new day.  Girls can’t hurt me.  In between classes, I try to make eye contact with every girl walking past.  I say, “Hi,” to the ones who look back.  I get a lot of smiles, and some weird looks too.  At first, I think that I must have done something wrong the couple times girls ignored me or looked at me strange.  But then I think of all the girls who smiled.  There is nothing wrong with talking to strangers, especially if I’m a man and she’s a woman.  So why the weird looks?  Why the occasional hostility?  Is it me?  It can’t be me if so many other girls responded favorably.  Maybe it’s the girls – maybe they are shy or nervous.  There’s a thought.

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  I decide to go out again.  This time I go to a bar where I’m sure not to see anyone I know.  And I go alone.  I’m on a mission, and I can’t have my boys busting on me and messing with my concentration.  This is not about getting girls anymore.  I’m facing my fear.  Before I go out, I sit in my room and think about last night.  The last group I talked to responded really well at first.  Why?  I remember noticing that I felt really good...energized, bold, in the moment.  I also remember that I was pretty honest with what I said.  I didn’t think too much about it.  I was just being social at that point.    But what happened after that?  Things seemed to go downhill, the more I talked.  Maybe I shouldn’t talk so much.  So how do I keep the conversation going?  I have to get the girls to talk.  That’s what I’ll do.  I’ll ask more questions, and also, try to relax.  Be cool, like Terrell and Jill said. 

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Ho w Wo men See M en Imagine what it must be like to be a woman.  Imagine being smaller and physically weaker than almost half of the population. Imagine risking pregnancy if you have sex. Imagine being judged by men and woman by your appearance and having to maintain yourself all the time. Imagine desperately wanting sex and having to balance that with wanting to find a man you can trust. When considering her needs and why they have evolved, remember two aspects of a woman’s life: 1. She is smaller and weaker than men. Her power is in her social alliances. 2. She gets pregnant from sex, and has to carry the baby inside of her for nine months, and is wired to continue nurturing that child. Half of attraction is about perceiving someone as having the potential to satisfy a need.  Women are attracted to men who they perceive will help them survive, and give them healthy babies. Women first feel attraction on a biological level, as a feeling.  Humans are thinking animals. We are who we are because of the evolution of the mind.  Her feeling of attraction becomes mentally represented by thoughts – “he’s cute.” This may seem obvious, but it’s important that you understand this because her attraction process consists of feeling and thought.  She feels attraction first, and then later, justifies it.

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Attraction Code Clue #10 There is a tendency for men to try to explain their attraction to women. However, we know that women act on feelings and then do the explaining and justification for that action. Actions stemming from the Attraction Code must cause primarily emotional responses in women.

I s it T rue Wh at T hey Say About P eo ple Wh o Read This Book? Several years ago, I noticed something very unusual. Most of the women who ended up meeting with me after giving me their phone #s were the ones I’d spent less than 2 minutes talking to in person. When I spent 10 or even 30 minutes with a girl, she would end up being much more likely to flake. At first, it really didn’t seem to make sense to me. Shouldn’t she want to see someone that she knows more than someone she knows almost nothing about? But upon further reflection, I realized that there was something much deeper going on.

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Provided I made a strong initial impression, the women who only had short interactions with me would end up “filling in the blanks” with the character traits of her ideal man. Whenever we receive an inadequate amount of information, our mind will fill it in based not only on our past experiences, but also on hopeful, wishful thinking. In other words, if your first impression was very positive but short, she would fill in the rest of her concept of you with more positive character traits. Keep in mind this is entirely subconscious and automatic. It’s the same process that we use when we stereotype someone who looks or talks a certain way. Learning how to take advantage of this process will be extremely valuable to you as a pick-up artist. When you leave out information about yourself or deliberately suggest that there’s missing information you are generating intrigue. You are using the power of her imagination to do the seduction for you! As a rule, intrigue, and the proper use of intrigue is more powerful than anything that you could possibly say about yourself. Why? Because no matter what you say about yourself or demonstrate to her, she can always imagine something better. And as she takes the time to think about you in an attempt to figure you out, she is actually mentally committing to you and further investing in you. Attraction is not what you do to a woman; it is what you cause her mind to do when you’re with her and in your absence.

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F r e u d i an Slip Most people would agree that much of Sigmund Freud’s theories are outdated.  However, there are some concepts of his that can be useful in understanding women. For example, his model of the id and superego as counter forces moderated by the ego is extremely applicable.  Without getting into all the complexities, know that while a woman has physical urges, i.e., her biological drive to reproduce with an attractive, dominant man; she also has to balance her social responsibilities, and her responsibility to her own personal identity.  So although she has many desires and urges that reside below her awareness, she still needs to be able to justify her feelings and actions on a conscious “thought” level.  To effectively attract a woman, and at the same time, lead the interaction all the way to sex, you must spark her biological response with dominant subcommunication, as well as communicate with her conscious mind so that she can feel good about what’s happening.  Since you actually do have the same goal, this is a lot easier than it sounds.

Sh e Can’t Get No… Satisfa ction A truly dominant man naturally and elegantly satisfies a woman’s needs and desires. When a woman sees a man that she feels can satisfy her needs, she is attracted to him.  People talk about “women’s needs” all the time. Why do you need me to tell

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you this stuff? Because we are lied to about what those needs are – we are told that we should impress her with material goods or money, or that we need to “communicate more”. One of women’s needs that is often neglected is her need to be needed. Women need to contribute, to help, to submit, and to be enjoyed; they need to be a source of arousal and pleasure for you.  You satisfy her by encouraging her to satisfy you.  So in order to satisfy her needs, you must be dominant and encourage her to satisfy your needs first.  Of course you will satisfy her other needs as well but don’t disregard her need to contribute. This is a subtle point and is the most often overlooked when understanding female psychology.  Have you ever lost your voice, and couldn’t speak? You felt hindered, held down – you couldn’t express yourself. Think about a girl you dated, and you did all kinds of favors for her, bought her things, took her out to dinner and paid every time, told her she was perfect, and never asked anything of her.  She was sitting on the sidelines, getting stagnant.  This is what naturals understand and most guys do not because it’s counterintuitive. A woman is not fully satisfied unless she is satisfying you. She only completely enjoys sex when you enjoy sex. She trusts you if you make her be trustworthy. She feels comfortable when you are comfortable.  She can only enjoy sex fully if she feels it is a reward. 

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She can only stay attracted to you if she feels you are the more important person. She can only enjoy your masculine gifts – your attention, presence, body, if she earned it first. 

H ow to Me asure a Woma n’s Attr ac ti o n to You One of my “trademark” concepts is called compliance. Compliance has many meanings, but when talking about it in terms of pick-up, it means: Getting a woman to contribute to your interaction together, or to aid in your lifestyle. Compliance also extends into “darker” definitions – such as getting a woman to tolerate conditions she doesn’t enjoy in exchange for being with you. This is why women who stay with abusive men are sometimes extremely loyal and infatuated with them. They get into the relationship and by tolerating very unpleasant or even painful behavior, they rationalize that they must really love him. I don’t teach men to be abusive to women but a lot of guys will go out of the way to do all the work to get together and make it as easy as possible for the woman. If I can, persuade a woman to drive out to where I live, I’d

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rather do that than drive to where she lives. In general, this is in stark contrast to the general idea of “Be a gentleman and make the date as easy as possible for her. What’s funny though, is that I often will do smaller romantic gestures like pulling out her chair. Meanwhile she drove 45 minutes to meet me where I wanted to go to dinner. The bigger picture compliance activities always take precedence over the smaller ones. Why does all of this work? If I told you I was willing to sell you a car for $10 what kind of car would you picture? There must be something wrong with it right? Even if it looked like it was in good shape you’d be suspicious of what was under the hood. On the other hand, there are countless examples of things that sold more when the price was raised. The point is, we tend not to value things that come to us too easily, and we tend to think of things as valuable if we had to work hard or pay a lot for them. It’s this principle that makes compliance so effective. No one wants anything that comes easy, and women will often resent guys who go out of their ways to please them. Even if you are the most amazing guy in the world, a

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woman will never realize it if she didn’t have to put “work” into getting you. Compliance is the only way to accurately measure a woman’s true attraction to you.

A Blu epr i nt o f a Woma n ’s Behavior To truly understand a woman’s mindset as well as her behaviors you must first understand her physical state. She is smaller, physically weaker, and if she gets pregnant she carries the burden of a fetus in her body for nine months, and also, the responsibility nurturing and protecting the child.  She wants to have sex and to have a man in her life. But since she is so vulnerable and is investing and risking so much she has to make sure she takes that risk of having sex with her best option – a dominant man.  But she can only interpret who you are by making inferences based on your character. Your character is conveyed by your physical behavior and your emotional state.  A big part of your character is actually determined by your frame. In order to understand what I mean by frame, imagine two men watching a sunset with different colored sunglasses on. They’ll see different colors though they’ll be looking at the same thing. Two people can see the exact same incident in two different ways. If a man gives a homeless man some spare change, some may perceive him

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as kind hearted. Others may perceive him as self serving – only giving because he selfishly wants to be seen a certain way. Frames are very important when we talk about how you perceive women and their behaviors. When you have a strong frame, other people tend to accept it. If you perceive her tests as playful and cute, they will often turn out harmless. If, on the other hand you perceive her tests as being scary and intimidating, then that is what they will become! Women test your frame to find out if you are used to women liking you, if you try to make others feel good about themselves and their contributions and if you feel the need to impress others. They also test to see if you feel guilty about your sexual desire, which would imply that you don’t offer much in the bedroom. She needs to know if you have a mind geared for survival. Do you get distracted by the opinions of others? Do you feel threatened by women? Do other men make you nervous?  Do you emotionally unstable causing you to be unduly affected by circumstances? If she were to ask you these things directly, she knows you could lie.  So she instead of asking you she tests your focus, your reactions, and gauges your intention and your personal beliefs.  She watches you and feels you. She infers things about your character instantly, based on unconscious and rather ingenious intuition. She is wired for this. From the moment she is aware of your existence, she is screening your character.

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This is why merely knowing techniques doesn’t get a person very far. A weak and submissive man who memorizes routines is still a weak and submissive man. If you don’t have the Attraction Code completely internalized to the point where it is second nature, techniques and routines will never get past her internal screening mechanism, and you will fail her tests.

Attraction Code Clue #11 Women instinctively test men. The tests are designed to give her information about his status and dominance. The Attraction Code should not only help a man automatically pass her tests, but also increase attraction each time he does. This is the final clue to the Attraction Code. I will now start putting the pieces together in the form of concrete breakdowns of female psychology and behavior. This will continue for the rest of the chapter, ultimately arriving at a full disclosure of the Attraction Code in Chapter 4.

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P atr i c k’s Sto ry 6: So c i al Inte lli gen ce  Patrick gets to the bar, terrified.  He is alone, in a room full of strangers that he has to talk to, or else he’ll look stupid.  He immediately says hi to two girls near the door.  He does it so fast he doesn’t even have time to get nervous.   “Hey.  I’m Patrick.”  They introduce themselves.   “Do you guys ever go out by yourselves?”  No.   “My first time.  I’m kind of a bar virgin.”  They laugh and ask his age.   “I’m 28.  I had a girlfriend since college, so I never went out without her and my boys.  But I’m trying to meet new people.”  They like it.  They are also impressed that he’s not drinking.  Patrick reminds himself to relax, and get the girls talking.  He starts asking them questions about school, work, and typical boring stuff – he can’t really think of anything interesting.  But it doesn’t seem to matter.  He is relaxed, and having fun getting to know the girls.  One of them tells him about a

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barbecue on Sunday, at some nearby apartments.  He says he’d love to go, and they exchange numbers.  Patrick says, “Nice meeting you guys.  I’m gonna go mingle.”   Patrick talks to everyone in his path – just saying, “Hey, how’s it going?  How’s your night?  You guys having fun?”  He even talks to guys.  He asks one guy about the result of a boxing match from the night before.  He already knows what happened, but he just wants to make a connection and stay extroverted.  And then he sees her – a gorgeous dark haired girl, curves in all the right places, perfect hair, makeup, stylish outfit. She is beautiful, and very intimidating.  She is surrounded by a big group of guys and girls.  All the guys are talking to her, and the girls keep pulling her around to dance and gossip.  She is laughing and enjoying all the attention.  Patrick immediately gets nervous, because he knows he has to talk to her.  Don’t think.  Go.  He starts walking.    Patrick remembers how well his “honest” opening lines seem to work.  He walks right up to her and says, “You look like the center of attention,” and he smiles amusedly.  She says, “I am! 

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I’m the princess.  Bow to me.”  Something inside tells Patrick not to.  It’s a feeling – that if he were to bow or suck up, he’d be somehow lower than her.  He knows this is not the way.  “I don’t think so.  You’re gonna have to work a little harder to impress me.”  She lights up and gets a shocked smile on her face.  It’s the same shocked smile that Rick gets from his wife, and that Steve gets from all their female friends.  Patrick remembers to ask questions.  This time, he has a good one.  “So what makes you so special?”  He feels something inside him shift.  He feels more powerful, more in control.  He feels like he could be just as attractive as the girl.  He wants the girl, but he also realizes that it’s not a stretch for her to want him, too.  That’s a nice thought.  He decides to play with it, and relaxes into his new attitude.    So I’m talking to this girl, Tanya.  She is awesome.  We are laughing and teasing each other.  She actually has a fun personality, and I really

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like her sense of humor – she says whatever random thought pops into her head.  I like her style, and wish I could let go like she does.  I don’t know why, but I tell her this.  I guess I didn’t think first – I just wanted to keep the conversation going.  She gives me a more serious look – I can tell she’s thinking about something.  I ask her what she’s thinking about.  She says, “You’re really honest.  I think you are like me, and you just don’t know it.”  Our eyes lock, and we have a moment of… ’sincerity’ is the only word for it.  Then one of the guys she was talking to earlier wedges in between us and gives her a big onearmed hug.  He asks her why she is hitting on guys, she’s making him jealous.  Patrick doesn’t realize he is teasing her.  “Oh dude, I didn’t know this was your girlfriend.  No offense man.”   Tanya laughs.  “He’s not my boyfriend!  This is my friend James.”  Patrick shakes hands with James, and they

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exchange some small talk.  Just then, Tanya gets dragged off by her friends.  James tells Patrick, “Go for it man.  Tanya’s single, but it won’t last.  All these guys are checking her out.”   Patrick goes up to Tanya, who is now talking to two guys with her girlfriend.  Patrick says “Hey you!  James seems like a cool guy.”  One of the guys is bigger and taller than Patrick.  He taps Patrick on the arm; “Hey dude, do I know you?”  Patrick takes offense.    “I don’t know DUDE.  Why does it matter?”    The guy responds; “Because we were having a conversation.”   “Wow you can talk.  Good for you.”  Patrick says.   Tanya gets annoyed and walks off.    James walks up.  “What’s going on?”  James says, “Oh, you’re the guy that keeps hitting on Tanya.  Dude, I was messing with you earlier.  Tanya would never go for you.  Just leave.” 

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I’m thinking; what the hell is going on?  I thought James was cool.  I don’t get it.  I can’t take these guys myself.  I walk towards the door, and I see Tanya.  I try to step towards her, but she looks forward and brushes me away with her hand.  Argh!

  Patrick ends another night on a sour note.  He doesn’t realize it, but he has learned three major lessons.

1. Don’t get distracted by other guys.  As soon as you let someone change your focus or your state without your conscious choice, you are essentially submitting to them.  You lose your dominance when you react.  2. People are unpredictable.  Tanya was getting dragged around.  James was two-faced.  The “dude” guy was a confrontational asshole.  Alcohol made it worse.  If you try to predict and control people, or you allow their mess to affect you, you will suffer.  You can’t predict what someone else will do or think.  To some degree you can influence their choices, but you’ll never be able to completely control them.  It’s a losing battle.  It’s more productive, and much easier, to control yourself, and not get sucked into the drama of others. 

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3. Warmth usually wins.  Being warm and friendly is a better social strategy than beating your chest to display your manhood.  The true alpha male knows this – he is the tribal leader and seeks to include people and maintain group morale. Patrick could have avoided the confrontation by simply introducing himself to the guy. When the guy asked; “Do I know you?”  Patrick could have said; “Hey I’m Patrick.  Thanks for keeping this girl in line.  She’s trouble.”  And then re-engaging Tanya; “Trying to find someone to fill my void already?  You’re such a little rebound.  I’m gonna name you “The Worm” after my favorite NBA forward.  C’mere Wormy!” None of what happened could really be blamed on Patrick.  He was doing his best to pursue the girl he wanted, and stand up for himself.  But there’s a higher level than pride.  What Patrick must realize is that he can only be disrespected by others if he perceives disrespect and keeps his focus on petty conflict.  By focusing on something higher than protecting his ego, he transcends the cool-game, and becomes truly dominant.

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Re lax. It’s On ly a Test Not only is important to know why women test men it is also important to understand the structure behind her tests. Once you understand that tests are automatic and that she’s doing them because she’s programmed to you’ll start to see it as a good thing. Also – it’s important to understand that if a woman is testing you she’s doing it because she’s attracted to you. Women actually become attracted to many guys throughout the day. But they can’t afford to be attracted to that many guys, besides the fact that they don’t have time to date them all – it’s not very comfortable. So, in order to reduce the uncomfortable and unconscious “pull” of attraction they test. This gives them certainty and puts their minds at ease. And most of the time men will fail the test. And when they do the emotion of attraction subsides and they can go back to their business. When a woman tests a guy and he fails, the sequence goes like this: 1. Feeling of Slight Attraction 2. Testing 3. Categorization and Dismissal 4. Loss of Attraction Now you don’t need to be concerned with the details here. Why?

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Because it’s my job is to get you to pass her tests. And when you pass the tests, the sequence looks more like this: 1. Feeling of Slight Attraction 2. Testing 3. Attraction Spike 4. Reflex Compliance 5. Backwards Rationalization and Cognitive Dissonance All of this can happen below her awareness in an instant. If these terms seem unfamiliar to you, that’s fine. We’re going to explore them in more detail. Every test, no matter how large or small follows this pattern. In general, there are three distinct types of tests. In order of difficulty, they are Receptivity, Windows of Opportunity, and Challenges.

W o m e n’s Tes ts Di s ar med 1: Receptivity Tests The first type of test is called receptivity, and it is a test to see if you’ll approach or start a conversation with her without hesitation or fear. It’s not that she leaves her house just to give guys a hard time. In the mating game a woman usually takes on a more passive role.  

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Subconsciously she is constantly scanning her environment for potential mates – just as men are always on the lookout for women. With women this behavior manifests itself in a very subtle manner – it’s practically invisible. She does what she can to be attractive – sexy clothes, makeup, staying in shape, etc.  Then she goes about her business.  In my experience even women in committed relationships are usually open to meeting guys. Occasionally you’ll find a woman that is so infatuated with a guy that she is 100% unreceptive to meeting new guys but it’s extremely rare. Her receptivity is considered a test because it comes down to what you do. If you see an attractive woman and have an opportunity to talk to her but you don’t do anything, you have “failed” the test.  In fact, there are many ways to fail this test. The most common is “hovering” nearby, waiting for the “right time” to approach. If you are waiting and watching her tentatively, you are sending her the message that her time and priorities are more important that yours. This is NOT the message you want to be sending her. Actually it’s the exact opposite of what you want to be communicating to her. A man who truly believes he can offer a woman an amazing experience knows that a woman won’t mind being interrupted. A dominant man creates his own opening, his own magic moment of meeting a woman – and no matter what she’s doing at the time it seems right… perfect even. The way to pass a receptivity test is to take action. No matter what that action is.

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W o m e n ’ s Tes ts Di s ar med 2: Win dows of Opportun ity The next type of test is called windows of opportunity. Windows are extremely subtle and usually very brief. Women want to see if you perceive the windows and if you know what to do when you see them. But they can’t tell you to what to do because then you won’t be dominant. They would be controlling the situation. Plus, she has to maintain her social reputation. Ingeniously and probably unconsciously, women will present neutral “windows of opportunity.”  You can typically feel a ‘window’ or signal. You’ll notice her making slightly more effort to interact with you than is necessary. Her calibration will seem “off”. She may linger for half a second longer when her friends walk to the other side of the bar. She may look at you a beat longer than would be ‘normal’ after just meeting you.  She may explain herself a little more than is necessary when you ask a question. She wants to see if you are interested in her character, and if you will take the lead and isolate the two of you for a more focused conversation. A woman uses Windows of Opportunity tests because she wants to see if you are used to women being attracted to you and if you’re able to escalate. The best way to pick up on these signals is to always assume attraction. Assuming attraction means that you are interpreting an indefinite signal on her part as attraction and acting on that interpretation.  The great thing is that a lot of the time, assuming attraction actually creates attraction.

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This works because people in general have a very weak sense of reality, and they are often looking to others for cues on how to interpret the world around them. This is a great chance for you to interpret reality in your favor and get the outcome you desire. This is extremely attractive because not only will a woman see that you know how to escalate but she will also perceive you as a very strong leader.

W o m e n’s Tes ts Di s ar med 3: Challen ge Testin g Challenge testing commonly appears as hostility to men at first. Maybe when you approach a woman she acts cold to you or tries to make fun of you.  She may tell you she is not interested has a boyfriend (or girlfriend even) or that she’s in a conversation with her friend.  Most guys misinterpret what’s really going on. First, she wants to see if you give up easily or if you have endurance like a true survivor. Also, she wants to know if you are really used to women liking you.  If you are then you won’t believe that she really is not attracted to you and will brush it off. You won’t react negatively.  You’ll simply ignore her “strange” behavior or at most you might be mildly amused. Challenges don’t stop after you get a number, but they definitely diminish after good sex. 

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She may criticize you or claim that you don’t meet her standards. Don’t let this bother you. You have absolutely no concern with making her like you.  You know that she already does, and is just playing a game. Another insight will help here. A socially calibrated woman will never throw anything at you that she doesn’t think you can handle. To you it may seem harsh if she calls you a name or tells you to get lost. Remember, she is smaller and essentially harmless. To her you are a big, strong guy that could easily hurt her. I’ve talked to a lot of women about this. They often find it hard to believe that they – at 110lbs – actually have an emotional affect on men. If she throws a challenge test at you, the key to passing it is to do anything, as long as you don’t: • get defensive • try to qualify or explain yourself • get visibly shaken by it Another common but more subtle challenge test appears as kindness or approval.  She tries to qualify you as if she were an authority. I’ve had women say things like, “You’re cute,” or “You’re smooth,” or “Wow, you’re really confident.” Sometimes these are genuine compliments. Many times they are not.  Use your intuition – if something about it makes you feel smaller or uncomfortable, she is trying to see if you value her approval.  Women have an intuitive sense of approval seeking behavior. She is trying to assert dominance by asserting authority over the quality of

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your person or character. This is subtle because she is being ‘nice.’  Again, this is not always the case, but socially experienced women do this a lot, especially early on. Like the other tests, deal with this by not getting overly excited about her compliment, and never, ever get upset that she is testing you. 

Wh en i n D oubt, Shrug When you are first learning to deal with challenge tests, many times you won’t know exactly what to say or do. In that case, you should always have a default behavior that you can use very quickly that will get you to pass the test without much conscious thought. What I did a lot when I was first learning this stuff was a very simple shrug. A shrug is simply raising your shoulders as if you’re saying “I got nothing for ya.” I never had to search for words and it got me through countless tests and allowed me to continue getting field experience without losing a lot of ground. The technique is: 1. She tests you with a challenge.

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2. You shrug. 3. Start talking about something else. Easy, huh? This works because a shrug basically says “Ok. What you just said had little effect on me. And I’m definitely not going to explain myself.” Since then I have replaced the shrug with many more sophisticated language patterns, behaviors and even physical escalation! But it all began with building my comfort in the face of a challenge. And the shrug is a great way to do exactly that.

P atr i c k’s Sto ry 7: It’s a P h ys i c al Game  

I call Ashley (the BBQ girl) Sunday and ask her if she and her friends are still having a barbecue.  She says, “Yeah,” and gives me directions.  I meet a bunch of her friends, we play volleyball, and I eat some chicken and fruit salad.  I can

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see that she’s into me.  Now that I’m looking for it, I notice girls giving me signals all the time.  They are subtle – like standing near me, laughing at things I say, even if it’s not funny, touching my arm, or talking a lot to keep my attention.  I understand how I must look when I try too hard!   After the BBQ, Ashley and I end up alone near the pool.  We haven’t talked much, but we had a lot of eye contact.  I feel awkward.  I know I should do something, but I don’t know how.  We are making small talk, and laugh about how she used way too much lighter fluid when she tried to get the grill going.  I know I need to kiss her.  I’m so horny, and she is pretty cute.  I down a couple cans of beer really fast.  We are sitting next to each other.  I try to bring up something else, but she seems bored.  Dammit!  I gotta go for it.  I lean in and try to kiss her, but she jerks away, surprised, and I almost fall off the seat.  I can feel the blood rushing to my head.  She giggles and asks if I’m ok.  I am embarrassed.  I say, “Fine.”  I sit there, feeling stupid. 

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Ashley gets up, “Hey, you’re really sweet, but I have to go check on my roommates.  Just give me a call sometime.”  She waves bye and walks towards her building.   I’m too embarrassed to call her. 

  Patrick is blowing this way out of proportion. 

Yeah, he messed up the kiss.  So what?  Instead of getting embarrassed and angry, he could’ve laughed and made a joke about being clumsy – “Maybe I should watch more James Bond movies, so I can be smooth.”  Poking fun at yourself, or her, is always a good way to smooth out an awkward situation.  Don’t take yourself too seriously.  The kiss wasn’t his real mistake.  It was how he reacted to it.    He made another mistake too.  He noticed Ashley’s signals at the barbecue, but he didn’t do anything about.  He didn’t escalate.  He didn’t touch Ashley – he was nervous, and kept a safe distance when talking to her.  She was making strong eye contact, touching him, talking to him a lot, and he never touched her.  When they were alone together, he kept the space, and talked about logical, boring stuff.  When he saw she was bored, he forced the kiss while he thought he had a chance.  

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Patrick didn’t escalate physically, so that the kiss would be a small step, not a big leap.  Patrick perceives signals, or windows of opportunity, but he’s not acting on them with physical escalation.  Patrick felt like a failure when he didn’t get a kiss, when he could have easily made a joke out of it, and even tried again right afterward.  Most importantly, Patrick is still seeing a kiss as a prize that a woman gives him. It’s part of his overall belief that women are trophies that he has to win by impressing them.    This is the hardest belief to deal with, because it is so deeply rooted and reinforced constantly in our culture.  Patrick sees sex from a woman as a prize or favor.  He felt great when he approached the brunette and challenged her to impress him.  He felt like he was a prize too – maybe he wanted her, but she wanted him too, and he wasn’t buying into the idea that he had to impress her or get any sexual gifts from her.  This is the shift that leads to natural mastery – instead of trying to get approval from women as a means of “getting sex,” you realize that you are the prize in the interaction.   I ask Terrell what went wrong.  He says I wasn’t smooth, easing in.  He said that women are like cats – they don’t like sudden movements, and they need to be touched in a certain way. 

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He told me to notice how women touch me.  That’s how women want to be touched.  And remember – being smooth means moving forward gradually.  No sudden leaps.  Women touch me on my arm first.  I notice that after a few minutes, if we are having fun together, I naturally put my hand on their backs.  They seem to be ok with this.  I’ve also tickled girls tummies before, and they didn’t get mad.  They liked it.  I always shake girls’ hands when I meet them.  That’s obviously ok.  Hands, arms, back, and sometimes front, and then… if I want to kiss, I have to be close to her head already, or at least touching it, so I can pull her in.  Arms, torso, head…

Gradual. That’s what I’ll do next time.  Then Terrell said: “And… you have to be the kind of guy she can see herself having sex with.”   I ask him to explain.   

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He said; “Try to picture yourself having sex with a 60 year old bank teller. It’s hard to picture right?  And maybe it’s because she’s old and not that hot, but also, it’s because it’s just such a stretch, to think of a lady who is very cold and business like, getting naked with you.  Women are the same.  Make it easy for her to imagine being naked with you, bent over for you, on her back with you on top, on her knees sucking your dick.”    So, I asked him, “Ok, how the hell do I make her think that way?”    “YOU think that way.  You have to get your mojo baby!  Be sexual...own that shit.  You fuck!  I want to hear you say it...you fuck.  You bend girls over and fuck them!  It’s not a game.  There’s nothing cute about it.  Stop smiling.  Own your dick!  Be proud of your dick.  See yourself as that guy who fucks girls.”

  Just like Patrick’s nerves are transferred to those around him, his arousal is transferred to women he’s with.  He said he was horny, but not in a functional way.  

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True, it’s been awhile for Patrick, but if the woman had grabbed his crotch and said, “Fuck me now,” he wouldn’t have been able to get it up.  He was too nervous.  Relaxed and comfortable is the base state of dominance.  If you’re not relaxed you cannot get aroused.  If you’re not aroused, the woman won’t be receptive – she can feel your passion, and it excites her own.  In order to be passionate, you must first relax.    The same goes for her – if she is going to get aroused, she must feel relaxed with an intimate vibe.  You get her there by escalating smoothly, i.e. gradually.  Touch her lightly on her arm, and then give her elbow a squeeze when she does something cute.  Touch her back as you talk, put your hand on her hip as you walk together, squeeze her with a loving, one-armed hug.  Once seated or alone, tell her you like her hair, and touch it, rest your hand on her shoulders, give her a little neck and shoulder massage.  Run your finger up and down her neck, discretely, so it’s her and your secret.  If the place is loud, let your lips touch her skin as you speak into her ear.  Allow your heads to bump as you talk.  Relax. 

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When you think it might be time to kiss her, it probably is.  Don’t try to get a kiss.  Give her one – make it a little treat you give her for being such a cutie.   Terrell is puzzled by Patrick.  To Terrell, it’s obvious – it’s a physical game.  What do you want to do with a girl?  Write a book with her?  Do science experiments?  Play Parcheesi?  What gift do you really want to give to her?  Accept your physical, sexual nature as man among women.  The connection is physical.  You bond with a woman through sex.  Not just intercourse, but sensuality.  You touch her to protect her, to appreciate her, to let her know you are “there” with her. You touch her to make her feel good.  And she does the same to you.  A man and woman are physical beings and connect on a physical level.  Emotional connections are a byproduct. When emotions are forced without a physical connection, the relationship is based on neediness and dishonest intentions.   The game is about sex and physicality. Everything else is frosting on the cake. 

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Under s tandi ng th e Attraction Spike Immediately after you handle her test correctly, a woman will experience an automatic gut level feeling of attraction for you. This is her unconscious, biological response.  Since the attraction process begins far below conscious awareness, women can rarely offer insight into what they are truly attracted to (hence the need for this book).  I’ve taken years to figure out what’s attractive to women from experimental in-field experience and putting many seemingly unrelated pieces together. And despite all that research and testing I’ll never claim to completely know what is going on inside women.  In fact, no human will ever completely understand his or her own unconscious processes. There is just too much going on… The point is you don’t need to know all the internal mechanics of how things work to be successful with women.  All you need to know is that women test, you maintain dominance via the Attraction Code, and she feels attraction – simple as that.  So let’s say you approach a woman and she immediately asks you to buy her a drink. Even though she may legitimately want a drink, she doesn’t know you yet and asking at such an early stage is clearly a test. So you maintain your dominance by remaining calm, not trying to answer her “perfectly” and not freaking out because she tested you.

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You simply say; “Sure sweetheart. But let’s get to know each other first” in a calm, relaxed manner. You have passed the test. Now what happens is that she is going to become receptive and a bit more attracted. What does that mean exactly? • She will pay more attention to you • She will be more likely to comply with a request you make • She will become more interested in sex • She will be more likely to follow your lead At this stage, as long as you maintain your dominance and you “assume attraction,” the next phase of the test will happen automatically.

Refle x Comp lian ce Once you have passed a test and a woman becomes receptive, one of your major goals should be to increase the amount of compliance you’re getting from her. Chances are this will happen to some degree automatically. After the attraction spike happens, she will pay more attention to you, start asking you questions and be more likely to follow your lead. How receptive, or available, she makes herself varies, and can be very subtle, i.e., if you touch her arm and she doesn’t move away or touches you back, she’s being receptive at that moment.  Most times you’ll simply notice that she is relaxing more and more with

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you – her body will become loose and open to you, her face and body will turn increasingly toward you.  Some women will be aggressive and take the lead. The more dominant your attitude becomes the more you’ll notice women making an effort to get to know you.  Women will start approaching you especially if they see you being social and looking friendly. Women will hit on if you are enjoying yourself and seem approachable.  All of these things are early signs of compliance. It is when she makes any effort conducive to the two of you getting to know each other.  As you continue, her compliance may increase. She will scoot over so you can sit down, or leave her friends behind to talk to you. Maybe she’ll even buy you a drink or ask for your number.  All signs of proactive effort toward getting to know you are great, and you want to encourage and reward all of her efforts so that she does even more of this as time goes on. You can also ask her to pull out a chair for you, or get you a drink, or have her introduce you to her friends. Even though you asked she is still making an active effort to accommodate you. If you ask politely and in a relevant context she’d be rude not to comply.  What happens next is that she justifies her actions by telling herself that you’re a cool, good looking guy and she wants to get to know you better.  

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“F lip the Script” People always ask me what the major turning point in my game was. They want to know what single concept I learned or single realization that had a distinct and pronounced increase in my abilities as a pick-up artist. I usually tell them that I had three distinct turning points. The first was when I started going out frequently and consistently. (Side note: I don’t particularly like clubs and I don’t go out nearly as much as I used to. Nowadays I maintain my skill level going out once or twice a month) The second was when I figured out follow up game. (Follow up game is defined as the interactions that happen when you’re not in-person with the girl, i.e. phone game, text and SMS game, email, etc.) The third and perhaps the most profound turning point was when I discovered a system to “Flip the Script”. In today’s modern society there is a very specific brand of mind control and conditioning taking place. In fact, it is so powerful and so effective that most people consider it “normal”. Traditionally, as has happened for many years, men marry women for sexual access and women marry men for

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financial support. The custom of a man buying a woman an expensive diamond ring so that she’ll accept his proposal epitomizes this assumption. I remember being in high school and getting my girlfriend a necklace for Valentine’s Day… And she rewarded me with a kiss! What a lucky guy I was! Since I wasn’t even half aware of the dynamic or the implications of the situation, I just accepted it the way it was – as a good thing even. The generalization that is practically brainwashed into our society is: A man has to work hard to get sex from women. He takes women on dates, spend his money and even impress her with his entertaining stories. If he does a good enough job, he might even get a chance to have sex with her. This is great for many industries, and in fact this dynamic is what makes the world go round on many different levels… But it’s not that great for your sex life if you buy into it. You see, if you really examine what’s happening here you’ll quickly realize that we are being conditioned to believe that women are the selectors and that having sex with them is a gift to us men.

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This conditioning goes against the natural order of attraction and will make for a very miserable relationship. When this dynamic is played out, the woman becomes less interested in sex and the man works harder and harder for it until he’s practically begging for it. Perhaps you are fine with that. Maybe you even enjoy working hard for sex… but chances are since you’re reading this book you’re not totally satisfied with how things have turned out for you. You want to make a change – a change that may very well catapult you to the very top level of success with women. And you realize that following society’s conditioning will never get you there. This conditioning is so extreme that I’ve even heard other “pick-up artists” say that physical escalation is compliance, and that sex is the highest level of compliance you can get from a woman. Absurd! Compliance is defined as a woman putting effort or work into the interaction. If a man has the mindset where a woman giving up sex or physicality is the same as her putting in “hard work” then he’s already lost. So instead of thinking of pick-up as “hard work”, I’d like you to instead flip the “Sexual Selection Switch”.

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When you discover exactly how to flip that switch, women crave sex. In fact, they will want sex with you so badly that you will be forced to use a style of pickup based on a punishment and reward system where you reward women with physical escalation and sex for their hard work! When you set relationships up in this manner, women never turn down sex. Ever. In fact, many times I’ve had women buying me expensive gifts and taking me on exotic vacations just for the chance that I’ll have sex with them. It’s a far cry from most of the relationships I see other men struggling with. To Be Continued…

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Bac k w a rd s Ra ti o nali zati o n an d Cogn itive Disson an ce As humans, you and I are constantly justifying our actions to ourselves.  What we usually don’t realize is that our actions stem from unconscious processes – many of our “decisions” are made for us deep within in the recesses of our subconscious mind. We act based on emotional triggers and processes. It is only after that we have taken action that we find a logical “reason” for what we did.  If this still doesn’t make sense, remember back to a time when you made a very large purchase – and perhaps spent more than you should have. I’m willing to bet that for an hour or two (sometimes more) after the purchase you were justifying it to yourself by thinking of all the reasons why it made sense logically. This behavior is called “backwards rationalization”. You are rationalizing something that has already happened. This is how these concepts apply to tests: When you pass a test, you are sending her the cue that you are dominant. She becomes more receptive and attracted and reflexively gives you compliance. Then, in an effort to justify her compliance (because the attraction mechanism was so far below her conscious awareness) she invents logical reasons to be attracted to you via backwards rationalization. This may seem complex but once you get it, it’s actually quite simple. A woman is merely aligning her mind with her body.  The whole reason she does this is to avoid cognitive dissonance.  Cognitive dissonance is the uncomfortable tension that results from having

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conflicting thoughts or beliefs or engaging in behavior that conflicts with one’s beliefs. Since she can’t go back and change her actions, the only thing she can do is to align her thoughts and beliefs with what she did. If she feels aroused by your presence she’ll be motivated to leave the bar with you. When you and she are in the taxi she justifies her actions and her feelings by thinking, “I got into a taxi with this guy. I must really like him. He is a sweet guy, and he’s cute. I’ll see where this goes.” It would be uncomfortable for her to think, “I don’t like this guy, I don’t know this guy, and yet, here I am in this taxi going back to his place.” She can’t jump out of the taxi - it’s much easier to change her mind and align her perception with what’s actually happening.  

P atr i c k’s Sto ry 8: Th e Br i c k Wall  Patrick is on a roll.  He’s going out twice a week, and he’s even approaching women at the coffee shop, on the street, and at the supermarket.  He’s getting tons of numbers, and his game is getting bolder and flashier.  Whenever he goes out, his friends are all impressed by his new confidence and the ease with which he gets four or five numbers on a nightly basis. 

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But he’s got a secret.  He’s still not getting laid.  All his numbers flake.  He has hooked up with a couple drunken women at parties, but nothing real.  He’s hit the brick wall that every man goes through when his game gets better – flake outs.   Women won’t call him back.  They like him when they meet him, and they enjoy the interaction – he spins them around, teases them, makes bold comments, and is sometimes very direct.  He has a smooth way to get numbers; it’s a gimmick – a fun little trick he does to put her number in his phone.  What he does specifically is not important.  He’s doing it as a gimmick to GET something from her.  Usually women like attention from Patrick, and they get excited by his game.  Some women quickly shut down on Patrick.  They’ve seen game before, and are wary of players.  Other women just aren’t very sexual at first, and don’t “understand” Patrick’s vibe.  They need more time to relax and connect.  But even the ones that play along flake out when Patrick tries to call.    Fuck this.  I’m done getting numbers.  I need to get laid.  I’m all about one-night-stands.  I just

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want to take girls home that night.  Numbers are useless.   

Patrick is overreacting again. 

Numbers are not useless.  You can’t go home with every woman you want on the same day you meet her, no matter how good you are. One night stands aren’t hard to get, but the odds that you can get a one-night stand with the most beautiful woman in the place, at will, is simply not reality.  You will do this occasionally, the better you get.  But typically a one-night stand is a matter of logistics working out just right and meeting a woman who is open to going home with a guy she just met.  It’s not a matter of her being a good girl or bad girl. Sometimes, good girls are open to going with the flow and seeing where the night goes.  Other times, otherwise easy or indiscriminate women are just not in the mood or just want to go home and get some sleep.   I came home alone tonight. Again. 

I’m thinking about giving up.  This sucks ...I’m meeting so many girls, but...nothing.  No girlfriend, no sex, not even a real make out session. I’m sick of kissing random girls in the

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bar and not getting any further.   And I’m starting to get a reputation as a player.  Girls see me at the bar and say, “You’re Patrick!  You made out with two of my friends last weekend!”  Thinking about it, that’s actually not cool. That means that I won’t be hooking up with that girl, or her two friends. I’m a dirty bar guy.  That does it.  No more making out at the bar.  And you know what... fuck girls.  No more numbers.  I need to focus on school.  I give up.  Fuck it.  

Patrick doesn’t realize it yet, but he has just made the change he needed to get over his sticking point – indifference.  He will take a break from going out, and focus on his career.  When he does finally decide to go out again, it will be to have fun and be social, not to pick up women.  He has been let down so many times, that he won’t even try to hit on girls or make them like him. He won’t think about getting numbers, or getting sex.  This will allow him to calm down and be more authentic – he won’t be putting on a show anymore, and women will feel like they are seeing the “real Patrick.”  This will make all his numbers more solid –women will see him as a real option, not some guy spitting game at the bar. 

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Patrick will realize then that women flake to protect themselves from the same frustration that he, himself, was going through.

Ho w to Manag e Sex ual Ten sion First of all, think about her need here. She needs sex. If you are not a sexual man, you are useless to her. (Unless you can do her homework or her hair) Women like sexual men, because women like sex.  So how do you convey sexuality? Not by talking about sex or acting sleazy.  You sub-communicate your sexual nature with dominant self-control. We’ll explore this in depth in the next chapter.  For now understand that you must sub-communicate sexuality – you have a sexual intention with her – you can give her sex.  This will motivate her to continue getting to know you. She will feel aroused around you and will unconsciously feel a desire to be alone with you.  But remember that she must consciously justify her desire. Most women need a non-sexual excuse to be alone with you at first because they need to feel like sex “just happened.” You create sexual tension by conveying that you are sexual without talking about sex or making sex an explicit agenda.

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There is a sexual spark between the two of you, an unspoken, electric pull. This pull remains unresolved because nothing overtly sexual is being discussed or acted upon…yet.  Sexual tension must be felt to be understood completely.  It is extremely exciting to women and they crave it because most men don’t know how to create it. Women love sexual tension. Romance novels are essentially 200 pages of sexual tension.  No wonder romance is by far the best-selling genre of literature among women! Cultivating a sense for sexual tension will have a profound impact on your success with women. 

Ho w F as t Sh o u ld You Escalate to Sex ? There seems to be some debate as to how fast a guy should escalate to sex. To me, it’s very simple: Your best chance to take the relationship where you want it to go is to have sex with her as quickly as possible. Here’s why: Most attractive women have a number of guys at any one time to choose from. The more time you put between your interactions, the more likely she is to sleep with another guy.

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Perhaps because she’s wired this way or perhaps because of social pressure, when a girl’s dating several guys and she has sex with one of them, she chooses to be with him. Also, because of backwards rationalization, if she knows you for a while and doesn’t have sex with you she’s likely to think “I haven’t had sex with him, I must not be that attracted to him.” She’ll be more likely to flake and will finally categorize you as “just a friend.” On the other hand, if she has sex with you within hours of meeting you, she’s likely to rationalize that she must really like and be attracted to you. The benefits are clear – if you are looking for more power, greater attraction, and generally more favorable conditions in your relationship, it is to your advantage to sleep with a woman as fast as possible.

T he Fi ve P o tenti al Dangers of Fast Escalation and Ho w to D eal with Them Now that I have shown you why it’s important to escalate as fast as possible, I think it’s only fair we discuss the reasons why most men don’t. When I talk about “fast” escalations, I am talking about moving from “Hello” to sex in time periods from about 10 minutes to four hours. Most of my encounters take place between 2-4 hours, but I have also had a good number of escalations happen at the half hour mark, and a few around 10-15 minutes. If this seems a bit out of your current reality, I understand.

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I certainly remember the first few times it happened to me before I started doing it consistently. To be honest, I kind of freaked out a little bit. I had a slight issue with women, and started to think that they were all sluts, or that they could all be manipulated by any guy if he pushed the right buttons to have sex very quickly. Instead of taking issue with it, I just decided that if it was in fact true, I sure as hell would rather be the type of guy that was sleeping with them quickly, than be the boyfriend at the receiving end whose girlfriend is getting seduced by some skilled pick-up artist. Maybe it’s not your thing, perhaps you really want to get to know a girl before getting intimate with her, and that’s just fine. But either way, the education is extremely valuable; it provides an even deeper understanding of the female psyche. Yes, there are challenges to this, but if you’re prepared for the challenges and know how to deal with each one you’ll actually find it easier than a slow seduction. In fact, you just may find it impossible to go back to playing the “slow game.” The five possible challenges to fast escalation: 1. Lack of Escalation Knowledge and Technique The first challenge most guys have when trying to escalate quickly is that they have no concept of the process involved and the different skills that are required for it. In my mind, there are three distinct skills that need to be mastered in order to pull this type of thing off.

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The first is a thorough understanding of the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder. You need to know how to touch a woman in ways that make her feel comfortable and guarantee she won’t reject you. The DiCarlo Escalation Ladder is a step-by-step process that takes you smoothly from eye contact and conversation to sex without any large leaps for a woman to object to. At the same time it contains no unnecessary steps that may slow you down. The second skill is a thorough understanding of Windows of Opportunity. You need to know what these windows look like, and what the appropriate action is for each one. Remember, windows are neutral. They are open to interpretation but you should never, ever try to escalate after she shows certain disinterest. The DiCarlo Escalation Ladder and Windows of Opportunity go hand in hand, in that you should always time your “overt” escalations immediately after you perceive an open window Last but not least, you need to understand sexual tension. Sexual tension creates the “pull” which fuels the momentum you’re going to need to make a fast escalation happen. 2. Greater Chance of Rejection From Escalating before She’s Ready Now, although this is different from the first challenge it is solved the exact same way. Rejection does not usually happen because of a lack of attraction, it comes from an improper understanding of escalation.

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For example, a woman could be very attracted, but if you make a critical error such as leaning awkwardly in for a kiss from three feet away she is going to reject you. Conversely, you will have many women who were not initially attracted to you go along with your escalations if you trigger receptivity with your actions. Its an automatic reflex that happens when you pass a test or frame the escalation as a reward for her compliance. You can get so good with this stuff that rejection will never even cross your mind. You will live in a reality where no matter what you do will work and women will respond favorably to whatever escalations you attempt. 3. Not Knowing How to Answer “Do you do this with every girl?” Instead of getting into a moral discussion, I’m just going to tell you exactly what a woman wants to hear and let you adapt it to your situation. “No, in fact I dated my last girlfriend for almost a month before having sex with her. I just don’t know what it is; I can’t control myself around you. And although I can’t explain it, and yes I know it’s fast, I just believe in going with the flow of things.” 4. Falling into the One Night Stand Category This is perhaps the biggest challenge. Now, maybe you want a one night stand. Perhaps you want to have sex with a bunch of women only one time and never see them again.

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If you do, that’s fine and you can ignore this section. But for me if a woman is worth sleeping with once, she’s worth sleeping with a few times and exploring the possibility of including in my life. There are two factors at play here. The first factor is the quality of sex. A woman is much more likely to want to see you again if you are good in bed. I’m not going to go into much detail here, because it’s a subject covered at length in many other books, but if you’re not good, just know that it could be a possible reason you’re not getting callbacks from women you’ve slept with. The second factor is a delicate balance of caring for her without coming across needy. The way I look at it is that immediately after sex, I will provide her with as much affection as she craves and no more. Typically I will hold a woman very close to me in a protective manner after sex. I’ll talk to her and show her that I still relate to her and enjoy her as much as I did before we had sex. If she wants to stay over, if she wants you to hold her, do it. Some women may feel the need to leave immediately after sex. Maybe they are not comfortable or they don’t know how to act. Maybe they just don’t sleep well with someone else there and the really do have an early morning the next day. This is ok. Let them go. When a woman wants to leave, be very understanding and do not try to get her to change her mind. Never try to resist, argue, try to get her to stay over or try to make more plans with her. Just be 110% cool with it and drop her off at home or walk her to her car in a caring and protective manner.

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These guidelines will set up the encounter in her mind so she’s not sure what you want but is secretly hoping you call. 5. Not Knowing How to Follow Up Correctly If you want to see a woman again after sleeping with her very quickly, I suggest calling her back the next evening. Some women have the belief that “If he doesn’t call the next day, it was a one night stand.” Now, it’s not always necessary, and sometimes it won’t be possible for you to call the next day so just call a day or two later and it’ll be cool. Some guys wonder if calling the next day means you are showing too much interest. Here’s how I look at it: Once you have had sex with a woman you have “won the game”. You have all the power. Before you have had sex with her, she had the power to flake on you. But now, you have the power to flake on her. So the nature of the call is not to get something else from her but only to make her feel good about the decision she made. In other words you’re doing it as a gesture of kindness. Most of the time on a follow up call, I’ll just see how she’s doing and continue connecting with her just like on our first date. This phone call can last anywhere from 10 minutes up to 3 hours. And if you do end up spending 3 hours on the phone with her,

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consider her yours. Here’s another interesting fact – sometimes when you call the next day, she won’t answer and won’t even call you back. Don’t be discouraged. If she doesn’t call you back in two days, just try again.

P atr i c k’s Sto ry 9: Uns o lve d

  Patrick takes a few weeks off from approaching. 

He focuses on an upcoming presentation, and starts drawing up plans for a business proposal he’s been thinking about.  After a month or so, he goes out again.  This time, he vows to not get any phone numbers.  He goes with a friend of his, a guy he met in class.  They have a blast together, have some beers, and without really trying, end up meeting a group of women.  Patrick can’t remember who opened who, but he ends up standing with a blonde woman at the edge of the group.  Patrick thinks she is cute, but he reminds himself to relax don’t be sold on her yet.  No phone numbers, no game.  Don’t try to do anything.  It ends up being the most relaxed, fun conversation he’s had

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with a woman in a while.  He can’t tell if it’s because the woman is so cool, or if it’s his new approach to being social.  It’s probably a little of both.  Last call is heard, and Patrick and his buddy get ready to leave.  The blonde, Becca, tells Patrick he should give her a call.  Patrick is caught – he told himself no numbers, but this is different.  He decides they will exchange info, and he calls his cell phone from hers.    Later that night…  

So anyways, I’m zoning out, watching TV, and thinking about what happened. 

It felt really good to go out and have a good time without worrying about ‘getting girls’.  I can’t tell if I was just lucky to have Becca tell me to call her, or if it had something to do with my relaxed indifference.  Could it be that simple?  Could attracting women be so natural and effortless?  When I snap out of it, I realize the Spanish Channel is on, playing one of those ridiculous soap operas.  I find myself glued to it, even though I don’t know what they are saying.  There will be some kind of obvious emotional drama...excitement,

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disappointment, anger, some big secret about to be exposed, and then they will cut to a new scene before the action is resolved.  I am hooked, even though I don’t speak Spanish it’s the emotional tension, without a resolution, that keeps me watching.  Women love this stuff.  Hmm…   I’m thinking about how I have been “solving myself” to women.  I’m pretty direct with my interest. Even though I may be a little cocky or challenging at times, it’s still obvious that I’m interested in hooking up.  I think the reason I’m coming off so obvious and player-like is because I’m trying so hard.  I’m putting on a show.  I also think about Jenny, this girl who calls me and texts me all the time.  She’s kind of cute, not really my type, but I’m turned off by how much she contacts me.  It’s not that it makes her less attractive, I just don’t feel compelled to talk to her anymore.  It’s like I know I can ignore her for a while, and she’ll still be thinking about me.  I can call whenever I want, and she’s sure to pick up.  So I don’t feel the need to call – she’s solved.  That’s it!  I’m solving myself too easily! 

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Solved...solved...what exactly does that mean?  It’s like I’m sold, like I’m already sold on the girl, I’ve given all my approval away, and am waiting on her to reciprocate.  God, that’s so weak.   I like Becca.  I want to call her.  I’ve seen that movie Swingers, where they talk about how long to wait before you call.  There has to be a right way to do it.  If I call her tomorrow, will I look desperate, or will I surprise her by not following the two day rule?  Girls never answer on Friday or Saturday ...and calling on those days looks like I have no life.  I’ve also told girls when I was going to call, and they never answer when I call at that time.  That probably looks like I have them written in on my daily planner...lame! Ok, I am going to call in the evening, when she’ll be most likely to have time to talk.  I will call whenever I feel like it, so she’ll have no way to predict what I’m gonna do.  I won’t call Friday or Saturday.  I won’t try to set up a date, talk too much, or be nervous...I’ll be

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totally normal.  Normal seems to be working for me.  And I won’t be needy...I’ll hang up when I feel like I’m done talking.   

Patrick met Becca on Friday.  He waits until Sunday evening to call.  She doesn’t answer.  He almost leaves a cute, flirty voicemail, but then remembers the new game plan.  “Hey it’s Patrick. Just called to say hi.”  He hangs up fast.  Kind of weird…could’ve been smoother, but he didn’t want to screw up and “solve himself.”  She never calls back.  Tuesday, he tries a different route. He texts her something that implies emotional excitement – and what’s more exciting to a woman than herself?   “OMG – no you did NOT!”   She texts back: “LOL, whaaaat?”   “Call me.”   She calls.  Patrick goes right into asking her about her day and talking about his own.  Becca seems to forget all about the text.    “So what are you doing tomorrow night?”   Becca: “I’m not sure, why?”   “I have an idea.” (Patrick grins.  More mystery – he has no idea, but he’s got time to think of something.  

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“Oh yeah?  What’s that?”  ”Oh, don’t you worry about that,” Patrick says playfully.  “We are gonna have a blast together.  Can you meet me at the downtown Starbucks, around 6?”   “Um, ok!”   “Cool.  6 pm.  And wear something cute but comfortable.”  Patrick still has a little cockiness in him, but it’s just the right amount to be fun and dominant – not overcompensating.  Becca likes it.  She laughs and agrees.

Th e Co d e Awaits Dominance in a man naturally and elegantly satisfies a woman’s needs and allows her to express herself. She is wired to detect dominance in your character. If you pay attention to her, you will see how each of her drives and needs overlap and intertwine with each other and how different expressions of dominance satisfy these aspects of her feminine nature.  Now the questions are: What exactly is dominance in terms of mental factors that can be measured and controlled?

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And once we figure out what those factors are, how do we control them, and improve our level of dominance, thus transforming ourselves into attractive men? The answer and solution to these questions is found within the Attraction Code.

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e Chapter e

4

The Attraction Code Th e 4 EP Mo del o f Person al Ex pression In order to fully understand and appreciate the Attraction Code, we need to first understand the structure of our personality from the inside out. Starting at the most fundamental (some might call it the spiritual) level, resides your intention and purpose. This is the most basic “you.”  Everything else is merely a tool used by your deepest intention to carry out your purpose and create your reality. Like anything else, we need to keep these “tools” in tip-top shape to be effective at what we do. Since your intention is where everything begins, let’s take a deeper look so that we can begin your new journey as an attractive, free, dominant man.

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The flow that governs the expression of your intentions can be broken down into four distinct elements:

Intention

;

FOCUS

;

STATE

; Expression

Intention: Your intention is your core purpose. It is the desired result you are trying to achieve in a short term or long term period. It includes the wishes you’ve had since you were young, the vision you hold for your future and the emotional experiences you strive to create. Your intention is a function of your identity and most far reaching goals. Focus: Your focus is defined as where you are placing your attention. For example, when interacting with a woman, is your attention focused on worrying how you’re being perceived, or is it focused on being curious about her? Having control over your focus is something that is learned. State: How you feel in your body. This includes your emotion as well as how you physically feel. Do you feel refreshed and energetic, or do you feel inhibited and weak? Your state is the element that is most susceptible to outside influences. It is also the element that is most responsible for causing blockages in your expression. Expression: Your expression is the outer most realization of your behaviors; what other people see, and how they perceive you. In an ideal situation, your expression would be identical to your intention, and you would get the exact results you want.

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These are the Four Elements of Personality (4EP). Your core intention flows to wherever you focus your attention. Your focus of attention then determines your state. Your state affects the fullness of your expression. Intention flows from one element to the next where it is finally expressed in the outside world. In an ideal situation, your intention is fully realized through your expression. If this process is so simple, then why do people have such difficulties expressing ‘who they really are’ and getting the things in life that they want? It is because of state-frictions that manifest themselves in life. These frictions directly affect your state and cause a major blockage in your personality – so even if your intention is perfect, your expression can still be suppressed. Ever play a game of “telephone” as a child? The fun of this game is when the end phrase is much different than the original because of cumulative errors in relaying the correct message. It has been distorted. Your personal expression works the same way. Although your intention may start out great (you are well meaning, and simply wish to connect with a woman and get to know her on an intimate level), you may not understand how to focus your attention or handle your statefrictions and thus your intention may become distorted along the way. Your true intention comes out distorted and you end up communicating a different intention, and as a result things will happen to you that you didn’t want to happen.

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Intention

;

; Sta te ; F o cu s :

Incorrect

dis t or ted Ex pres s ion, Pe rso n as

State Frictions

;

Correct FOCUS

;

STATE

:

::

; Transparent Expression

:

:

Intention

State Frictions

In effect, your final expression will be perceived differently than what you intended. There are 3 major frictions, which I will talk about in detail in an upcoming section. They are Attention Fixation, Social Pressure and Intention-Violation.

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Do not try to “remove” these frictions, (just accept that you will never completely remove them) and never, ever, under any circumstances wait until they are gone before interacting with women. You will simply learn to handle them and in a sense, become impervious to them by making small adjustments to your focus.

Th e Attr ac tion Code D efin ed The Attraction Code is the discipline of correcting your mental focus so that you can become unaffected by the statefrictions of the world. This discipline brings alignment to the 4 Elements of Personality, and at the same time, increases the resilience of your state to astronomical levels. You will begin to express your intention to the fullest degree possible. Expressing your intention without inhibition causes you to automatically exhibit high-status cues and behavior. When you align the 4EP and your intention becomes fully expressed, it literally becomes impossible to fail. This applies not only to meeting women but also to attracting wealth and reaching any goal you wish to set your mind to.

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T he Dang er s o f Bec o mi ng an “ In n er Game Jun kie” If anyone ever tries to get you to buy into the idea that you need to “fix yourself ” or otherwise rid yourself of “inner demons”, try to be somewhat critical. A little bit of healthy skepticism can be a good thing. Many guys buy into the idea that you should take certain actions in order to “rid” yourself of outside negative influences and state-frictions. This is counterproductive. You must become a man of courageous action. Do not shrink away from the real world into a seminar room. Face your fears, learn to manage your stress and go out and conquer this area of your life. There is nothing wrong with you. You simply need to train yourself to place your attention on the proper things despite the stresses of life. I have met guys who have become “inner-game” junkies who spent hours practicing new-age methods in an attempt to remove these anxieties. Most of them end up procrastinating, eternally inventing new frictions and problems that give them the excuse of “I have to fix myself first” before getting into the field and talking to women. Years later when I run into them again, these men have made no progress at all. Many of them are worse off than before. By spending so much energy and focusing on their problems, fears, and anxieties, they have actually amplified their problems into such insurmountable beasts that it practically guarantees that they’ll never be able to comfortably talk to women.

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They make their fears more real and powerful, and continually invent new ones to battle with. The more you focus on your problems, the more of a negative effect they will have. If you place your focus on the real world and your goals, the problems will fade away into the background. Beware of obsessing over psychological “quick fixes”. You may get good at playing around with your mind, but that will be the only “play” you’ll be getting. It’s a shame, but frankly, these men are just using well-constructed excuses to never actually make true progress or change in their life anyway. What you need to do is take action despite these frictions by understanding them and disciplining your focus to become immune to them. The Attraction Code is about aligning yourself with your true intention and simultaneously correcting your focus to systematically confront and overcome the natural frictions of everyday life.

P atr i c k’s Sto ry 10: Oh Ye ah … Lo g i stics.

  Since she’s only 20 years old, Patrick decides to take Becca bowling.  He has no idea what to do after that.  He is really nervous.  His heart starts pounding as he waits for Becca to show.  He

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is early, she is late. He gives her a hug and they walk towards Patrick’s car.  Patrick, taking a student approach to all this, asks Becca what convinced her to show up.  This was a bad move – he should have waited until after they had sex to ask such a question.  It set the frame that Becca was doing Patrick a favor by going on a date with him.  Nonetheless, he got some valuable feedback.  Becca tells Patrick that he seemed normal, like he was just being himself, which is very different from how most guys treat her.    Also, he persisted – she wasn’t sure he was for real at first.  She wanted to see if he’d call again so that she could be sure he was interested.  Patrick realizes there is a flip side to each point Becca makes.  First, yes he was being himself, but if he was just being himself a few months ago, he would’ve been a needy and timid.  After all his experience, he is confident, socially intelligent, and thanks to Terrell’s advice, he now identifies himself as a sexual man.  Also, he realizes that persistence is the key, as long as you don’t overdo it.  Many women are quick to throw a “stalker” label on a needy, pestering guy.  Maybe it’s justified – who knows.  There’s definitely a fine line to walk – and the key is

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staying unaffected, not getting needy or putting pressure on the woman.  Call a couple times a week at first, then ease up, or use some intriguing text messaging.  

We get to the bowling alley, and once again, I feel a physical distance between me and my girl.  I try to do little things, like how to aim the ball down the lane (even though I’m no expert).  I tickle her, and put my arm around her a few times.  She seems to be having a good time, and I try to stay relaxed, and enjoy our time together.  We finish up and head to the car.  I ask Becca what she wants to do now.  She doesn’t know.  She needs me to lead.  I’m not leading.  I have no plan.  I ask her if she likes ice cream.  She could go for some ice cream.  Whew...that will give me some time to think of a way to get back to my place.   So we are eating ice cream, and I am stuck in my head, trying to think of a plan.  Becca can tell – she is getting quiet, fidgety, and the energy is going downhill.  I ask her if she wants to rent a movie...Arrgghh I just asked her to lead again!  She says she has to get home so because she has to get up early the next day. 

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I remember she said she doesn’t have to go in to work until 11:30.  She has no reason to get back, except she is not having fun anymore.  Maybe she has another guy she wants to hang out with tonight.  I drop her off at her dorm, and we hug, and our faces come close together...we almost kiss, but I’m nervous, she’s nervous, and it’s a moment missed.  It’s just as well.  A kiss goodnight would’ve been an ironic joke at the end of a shitty date.

  Again, Patrick is overreacting.  Notice the spiral of negative thoughts, leading to almost all out panic.  This is common for men when approaching, conversing, dating, or even during more intimate moments. 

The problem was not bowling, ice cream, getting a movie, or dropping Becca off.  The problem was Patrick’s negative thoughts, leading to panic, and a bad vibe.  You have to cut your useless negative thoughts – make a joke, touch your woman and come back to your body, do something to snap yourself out of it.  After awhile, you’ll get in the habit of relaxing into the moment and being present with the woman. That’s all she really wants – to feel your calm presence and know that you are in the moment, and not in your head.  It

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conveys so many good things, and allows her to relax and be in the moment with you, as well.    The way to avoid stagnant, directionless dates is to have a plan.  Think of two or three mini-dates you can do together.  The activities should pair the two of you as a team, together, not as opponents or interviewer-interviewee.  You should then take responsibility for pushing the date forward from mini-date to mini-date. Make all important logistical decisions and lead the entire time. The date should progress logistically so that you can end up alone together, while at the same time, making her feel safe with you.  A woman’s main concern when going out with a man she just met is getting raped or killed.  That may be hard to believe, because, as a man, all you want is to enjoy her, and harming the woman is the furthest thing from your mind.  On the other hand, women’s fears aren’t completely unjustified – there are crazy, unstable and hurtful men out there. Respect her concerns, and focus on letting her know that she is safe with you.  Do NOT tell her this explicitly – she will not believe you.  Imagine: “Let’s go to my place. Don’t worry; it’s safe there.”  You have just given her something to worry about!

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Instead, have her meet you in a public area or someplace where there will be other people present.    Your second activity should be close to your house.  When you are ready to go, tell her you want to stop by your place for a few minutes.  If you have a roommate, talk about him.  If you live alone, don’t make your place the final destination – just a stop over to grab your camera, or a bite to eat.  Remember her third need.  She wants sex, but she needs you to lead, without making her responsible for it.  If you make her feel like she is going back to your place to have sex, she will have to object on principle. Even if she wants to, her agreement will make her feel easy or desperate, and she is worried you will think that about her too.  Just allow her to feel safe and relaxed and lead without it becoming too obvious that you will be having sex.    When a woman gives up her sexuality to you, she perceives it as a very big commitment - even if you do not. Be sure to take responsibility for your actions and make sure you consider the consequences before you act. More importantly, if you hurt a woman, you will scar her and all of her future relationships for the rest of her life.  That is something you will never be able to take back.  Regret and shame may eat you up on the inside. 

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When it comes to sex, think before you act.  Sex is not that important in the grand scheme of things.

Ho w to Deve lo p P owerful In ten tion and an Attr ac tive Core Iden tity As we know from the 4EP model, everything starts with your intention and core identity. You could have a powerful focus, an invincible state and full, glowing expression, but if your intention has nothing to do with attracting women, you will not attract women. I have met some very financially successful men who could attract wealth like Donald Trump, but because their identity had nothing to do with being attractive to women, they failed miserably with the opposite sex. Below is a list of some beliefs that you should consider taking on for yourself and making part of your identity. There may be other beliefs that are good for you as a person, but are not necessary for success with women. For example, I believe that having high moral character is important in life, but I know many men who have no morals whatsoever who are incredible with women. In order to keep this discussion on-topic, I’ve left these types of beliefs off the list.

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If one of the following beliefs isn’t for you, that’s fine too. I’m just letting you know what I have seen in other men who are successful with women, and also letting you know that adopting these will most likely increase your odds of success. If something seems uncomfortable at first, or seems to conflict with who you are as a person, simply ask yourself: “Is this something I could see myself adopting, without sacrificing who I am?” or “What would happen if I did adopt this belief?” You may learn more about the source of what is holding you back.

Th e Eleve n Imm ut able Laws of an Attr ac ti ve Iden tity In no particular order: 1. You are OK right now. Self control is rooted in self-acceptance. Know that you are ok as you are. You are a human being, evolved over millions of years to eat, sleep, breathe and express your self. There is nothing inherently wrong with you, no matter what you have been told. Any personal criticism of your body or character came from someone who themselves believed the Great Lie – “I am not ok as I am.”  Accept that you are ok, but also recognize that you want to grow and change as a person, and that is ok, as well. When you accept yourself, you do not need others to accept or approve of you. 

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You will cease to explain yourself to other people, impress people, or surrender your social status. It is quite an accomplishment to attain this level of consciousness.  Don’t fret over this. Make it a direction to move toward throughout your life. 2. You are comfortable in a position of leadership. You may not have much experience leading others, or taking the lead with women. For now, that’s ok. Just know that you do have the innate ability, even though you might not have the experience.  The most important part of being a leader is taking responsibility for the group. You move the group in an intelligent direction. The entire group benefits from your leadership.  You are a protector of others. You encourage others to contribute what they can and you let them know their contribution is appreciated.  With women, your job is to take responsibility for escalation and sex. Don’t doubt that she wants it, but don’t expect her to explicitly agree to or actively initiate it. It’s your responsibility to make the escalation smooth and comfortable. Respect her social reputation - but at the same time, encourage her to express her sexual self fully once the two of you are alone. Notice that this law states that you are comfortable in a position of leadership, but also remember that you don’t always need to be the leader of every situation. Have you ever been around someone who is always trying to impose his leadership on the people around him?

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It’s not that fun, and it’s also a sign of weakness and insecurity. Understand that it’s ok to lie back, relax and let others share in the responsibility sometimes. Knowing when to lead and when not to lead is as important as the leadership itself. 3. You have come to terms with your sexuality. A guy might be relatively inexperienced, or even a virgin. He may not feel comfortable touching women or being intimate with them. But his desire must be there.  When other people are around, do you ever pretend that you don’t openly pursue women and enjoy having sex with them? If your mom or dad saw you talking to a woman, would you become embarrassed and try to hide it from them? If so, then you still need to come to terms with your desires. You must be unapologetic for your desire. Your actions should make it clear to every person in your life that you’re attracted to women, pursue them and love having sex with them. You must enjoy sexual tension; enjoy creating it, and enjoy bathing in it. You exist because your ancestors were sexual. The fact that you are reading this book means you are sexual and you want to improve your success with women.  Combine this with some experience and you will see yourself as a sexual man and women will too.

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4. You have a vision and goals outside of meeting women. Well, you didn’t think you’d seduce her by talking about your pick-up hobby, did you? Women are attracted to men with passion. I don’t know how many women I have attracted simply by talking about playing guitar. I didn’t even have to write a single love song! (Not that it would have helped, anyway) Your vision does not have to be outrageous or grand. You just need something that’s more important than women to focus your attention on. What is your vision? What do you live for? What wonderful world can you bring her into that makes her feel like her life is more meaningful when she’s supporting you? Women have evolved to be happiest when then they are supporting their man. One common mistake men make is that they try to play supporting role to her lead role, thus sacrificing their own vision. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be supportive of her goals and passions. In fact, relationships can be true partnerships this way. But just remember not to sacrifice your vision and allow her to support your passionate lead. 5. You bring an incredible positive energy to any social interaction. If you know a guy who is naturally excellent with women, I’m sure you’ve already noticed this. Guys who are great with women are fun as hell to be around – their energy is addictive. They remind you that life is meant to be enjoyed. They remind you that no matter what is going on at the moment, things will work out just fine. These guys are always exciting, and their sheer presence will distract you

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from the stress and worry of your life. Discover that you can cultivate this energy within yourself. Learn to see only positivity in situations. Negativity is draining. It sucks the life out of you and the people around you. Cultivate an easy, relaxed sense of humor. You don’t need to be actually funny, just say things like you mean them and don’t take life so seriously. When things aren’t going well, instead of bringing a person’s attention to their problems, just support them with your presence. A woman already has a mother, a boss and a dozen male girlfriends who try to give her solutions for all her problems. That’s not your role. 6. You are unattached to outcomes and do not get upset easily. This follows from law #5. No one wants to be around a person that gets upset easily. You can never relax around them. People get upset when they mentally commit to some outcome, and the outcome doesn’t pan out. You instead want to interpret every outcome as a success or learning experience. Learn to see a positive side to everything. Being spontaneous is a byproduct of this. Spontaneity is best achieved when you are not attached an outcome. You must also detach from a particular structure, line, past failures and even past successes. I used to put incredible pressure on myself to have sex with a girl on the first date. Not only would she pick up on the fact that I had an agenda, it made my

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time with her more uncomfortable. It made it harder for me to be flexible. It ultimately made me enjoy the woman less. Once I realized the kind of torture that I was putting myself through, I made the conscious shift to thinking: “No matter what the outcome is I will enjoy the interaction to my best ability.” And you know what happened? I actually started closing the deal much faster, with a fraction of the effort! 7. You have strict rules about what kinds of behavior you do or do not accept from other people. I know some men that have taken Law #6 too far. They get to the point where everything is cool; they allow endless flaking or other bad behavior on a woman’s part. Yes, you should be unattached to outcomes, yes you should be able to flow with whatever situation you are in – but there is a limit. If you subject yourself to the whims of others, especially people who disrespect your time and energy, your quality of life will suffer. So while it is great to be laid back and accepting of things, you should also be willing to walk away from a woman who is unreliable, disrespectful, or generally incompatible with your lifestyle goals. Many men are in such a state of scarcity that they will stick around or continue to pursue a woman even if she is making them miserable. Not only that, they will actually end up chasing her harder every time she disrespects them!

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That kind of conduct rewards her and thus reinforces her bad behavior. As a result, she will start doing much more of it. The worse sin of all is attempting to physically escalate immediately after she shows disinterest or non-compliance. Not only will she reject it, but she will also begin to perceive you as sexually repulsive. (No matter how “traditionally” good looking you are!) The key is to really understand what “bad behavior” is, and be ready to punish it by withdrawing your attention in whole or in part, the very instant you sense it. 8. You are interested in human psychology. Even if a “Natural” doesn’t use complicated acronyms and sophisticated cognitive behavioral models, one thing is for sure. He pays attention to people. Guys that are excellent with women are interested in human behavior and leverage their understanding to get their desired outcome. I do not mean by manipulation. I just mean that they pay attention to what works and what doesn’t, and then adjust their behaviors accordingly. I will also point out that on some level, there is no such thing as a “natural”. Game is always learned. These guys weren’t born with a part of the brain that you or I are missing, they were simply lucky enough to immediately reject society’s false ideas about attraction and dating. They knew enough to pay attention to social situations as they happened – that’s it. There are the guys who learned it while growing up and then there are

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guys like me who were blind to it for years. I didn’t start learning until I fell flat on my face. I made a firm decision to turn things around and started playing hard-core catch-up. 9. You are playful. There can be many degrees of playfulness. On one hand you can be cracking jokes, talking about silly nonsense or even poking fun at other people around you. On the other hand, it simply means that you don’t take things so seriously. You understand that communication doesn’t have to be logical, you don’t always have to agree with people (or disagree, for that matter), and that conversation doesn’t always have an obvious purpose. Having conversations and interacting with people is good for your emotional health and can be done for absolutely no reason at all. Women intuitively know this and will have conversations for hours that make absolutely no sense from the outside. I remember being a kid, listening to my mom on the phone with her sisters or friends and they would literally talk for hours about nothing. Now, I’m not suggesting you should throw all productivity, purpose and efficiency out the window… but I am suggesting that when you’re first talking to a woman, you shouldn’t take things too seriously. One of my major sticking points growing up was that I tried to win arguments with women. I thought - Then they would realize I’m smarter than them and would be attracted to me! Wow. What was I thinking?

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There’s no bigger turn off to a woman than a guy who is always trying to one-up her. Don’t try to win arguments, just assume your dominant place as a man. Would you ever argue with a 5 year-old child? Of course you wouldn’t. You would agree, tell them how smart they were, meanwhile quietly thinking to yourself that this child has a lot to learn. Be humble, if a girl calls you out, or makes fun of you, don’t resist it, be humble and play along. 10. You are comfortable in social situations. Some people are comfortable with computers and can build them from scratch. Others are comfortable fixing car transmissions. As a pick-up artist, your expertise lies in social situations. When faced with the choice between performing a technical task and a social one, I’ll always choose the social one. For example, I don’t like to cook so I use my social skills to get people (usually women) to cook for me. Even if it’s uncomfortable and challenging, you should be fearlessly pushing yourself into new social situations. I remember being scared of bouncers. I was afraid of trying to negotiate to get my friends and me in without having to wait in line or pay a ridiculous cover. I realized that the fear was irrational; a bouncer isn’t going to kick your ass just for trying to get in more easily! Once I realized it, I began to push and see what else I could pull off.

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Nowadays I can get an entire 17 person bootcamp into the most exclusive clubs in New York City, even before we have any girls with us! Learn to push your social interactions as far as you can. 11. You have a deep knowingness that women want you. If there’s one thing that all naturals have it’s a very absolute and authoritative sense that all women want them. It comes across in their body language, it comes across in their energy and most importantly it comes across in their subtle facial expressions, eye contact and vocal tonality. I think with me, it comes across as a very knowing, sly smirk… And here’s the best part – this type of thing is very easily practiced. It’s as simple as thinking “How would I feel, and how would I communicate if I KNEW for certain this woman wanted me… bad.” Then, make every communication filter through that frame of mind. I’d like you to take a moment and go through the above list of eleven laws. Which beliefs do you already embrace? Which ones still need some work? If you have a few that need work, then make a personal commitment to yourself to do something in line with those beliefs every day. If you do this consistently, in a few months you’ll notice a dramatic increase in your success with women.

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Th e End o f Natural Game? When I first coined the phrase “Natural Game” several years ago, I never knew it would catch on the way it did. It seems everywhere I turn these days I see some new wannabe guru calling his own brand of generic-be-yourselfheard-it-a-hundred-times-speak “Natural Game”. It’s something I predicted. From watching the trends of commercial brands of pick-up I noticed that things were continually becoming less patterned, less scripted and ultimately less robotic. Don’t get me wrong, I’m probably the world’s biggest advocate of using a very natural, personal style that is not reliant on canned lines and routines. So by definition, I can’t complain about this kind of trend. Unfortunately, however, I feel that the original intention of Natural Game has been lost. The original message has been diluted, disfigured and deformed, and many people are now interpreting Natural Game as “It’s as easy as being yourself.” This couldn’t be further from the truth – unless you were naturally brought into the world as an extremely skilled pick-up artist. It is a discipline - and one that many men dedicate

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months or even years to mastering. When people fly in from all over the world to participate in a DiClassified Drills Bootcamp, they are coming for something very profound, yet at the same time something that is extraordinarily simple. I believe that most men, whether they are just starting out, or have been in the game for a few years already are searching for one simple thing… Truth. Truth in what causes attraction, truth in the surprising simplicity of what behaviors get results, and of course the ultimate truth about whom they really are as a person once all the layers of false programming have been cleared away. I try to warn people – if you come to this kind of bootcamp, be prepared to look directly at who you are as if you are looking into a mirror for the very first time in your life. Sometimes people aren’t ready for that. In fact many guys that sign up aren’t sure they are ready for it. But they do know one thing. They know that the reason they’re not getting results is that they’re being bombarded on all sides by the media, by women they talk to, and conflicting theories and advice from a whole spectrum of men claiming to have all the answers. And once they realize that their confusion is NOT going away and is in fact increasing, they start doing a little bit of research.

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My clients are smart people. I don’t attract idiots. After every workshop when I ask them why they choose my program over the endless sea of competition, they almost always tell me “Your material has a ring of truth to it”. They never tell me it’s because of hype or clever marketing. And maybe it’s because I’ve dedicated all of my focus over the last few years to really refining my training program, and maybe I should visit my nearest local college and sign up for some marketing courses… whatever the reason is, it’s not a big deal to me. When it comes to business, I only care about one thing – and that is a measureable, reportable increase in the quality of life for my clients. In other words, I am not attached to any particular style. There is something that transcends “style”. And that is the ability to create the exact lifestyle that you want, regardless of how you create it. Does this era mark the “End of Natural Game”? Probably not. There is mass appeal in the idea that guys can pick-up women using their natural personality. And because the words “Natural Game” are extremely vague, it’s very easy for almost anybody to claim they teach it. My prediction is that things will move even further in this direction as genuine pick-up training becomes increasingly harder to find as this trend becomes more and more mainstream.

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Th e Q u i c k and Dirty Guide to Manu fa c tu r i ng Con fiden ce I have some news for you. It may be shocking to you, or perhapsit’s obvious. Confidence doesn’t really exist. Well… not as most people understand it anyway. It is nothing but a feeling that you have when you have the right focus, and the perceptions that others will have of you when they see you behaving with that focus. That is why I hardly ever talk about confidence, or tell guys to be confident – ever.  In fact, I believe that telling a man “just be confident” is absurd. Confidence itself is an illusion! Telling someone to be confident presupposes that they are not confident, and the words alone have a weakening effect on their state.  In addition, telling someone to “be confident” is interpreted as “instantly change your beliefs,” which is nearly impossible.  Our beliefs change over time as a result of our actions and social feedback. New beliefs aren’t even that crucial in the short term. You don’t have to have perfect beliefs to make a few changes in your focus or behavior and start getting better feedback (results) from women. I’d like to propose a new definition of confidence. I’d like you to stop thinking of confidence as being certain of success; rather, think of it as the

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action of giving whatever you are doing the entirety of your effort.  When we see what we believe is confidence, we aren’t actually seeing a person’s thoughts of the future, or of success. We are seeing the outer result of their focus.  Think about a recent post-game interview with a star athlete. When he or she was asked, “Did you know you would make that shot?  What were your thoughts going into the game?  Were you worried? Did you get upset after you made that mistake?  How confident were you going into this crucial game?”  What does every single athlete say? “I wasn’t really thinking about the other team, or how many points I got. I just knew that if I worked hard, and did what I had to do, we’d come out with the win. I wasn’t concerned with the final result at that point - I just focused on my game, and in the back of my mind, hoped for the best.” I just focused on my game. That is real confidence.

P atrick’s Story 11: Sex i s abo u t Us  

Patrick calms down later that night.  He realizes not all is lost.  He decides he will give it another shot with Becca.  Instead of seeing her as an opponent that he has to impress and conquer, he will instead enjoy getting to know her.  In order to do that, he can’t have his mind muddled with

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logistical concerns.  He will have a plan.    I call Becca the next night.  No answer.  Instead of dwelling on the situation, I go out, and meet up with some friends at a local sports bar.  Our team is in the finals, and the bar is packed.  I’m cheering our team, when I notice a short brunette.  She’s really cute... she has a big smile, tight little body, and she has our team’s initials painted on her cheeks.  I want her.  She looks in my direction, and I realize I’m staring.  Oops.  I talk to my friends and watch the game.    I wait. I’m using my intuition to feel the right moment.  She is really into the game, and if I approach her directly, she’ll have to reject me...otherwise she’ll look like she came here to get hit on.  We’ll both look lame.  There’s a break for commercials.  I go over to her and toast her with my beer mug. 

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“Now that’s what I like to see!”   “Haha! What do you mean?”   “You’re very colorful today.”   “Oh yeah! Me and my friends painted our faces at my house.”   “It’s cute.  You guys are adorable.  Do you all live together?”  (I want to know what the logistical situation is for later.)   “Yeah we all live in Orchard Park. You know... the apartments down by the lake?” Wow this girl is young. But they’re all cute...maybe I can get my friends hooked up too.   “Awesome.  I almost moved in there...but they had this policy about paying rent.”   “Hahaha.  I don’t know about that.  I’m Jen.”   I know a window when I see it.  “Hey Jen.  I’m Patrick.  These are my friends over here.”  I lead her to my table and introduce her to everyone, “Guys, this is Jen.  She’s cool.” qualifying her to my friends to let her know I value them more than her, for now.  Women seem to respond better when I set myself

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up as the authority, the chooser, instead of trying to impress them.  She is nice, and we talk a little more, and then her friends call her over.  I let her go, and go back to my friends.  I notice there are guys standing with her friends.  Of course, they all are paying a lot of attention to Jen.    I wait, again. I’m watching the game, enjoying my friends, and looking for a way to engage Jen again.   We all decide to get shots.  It’s gonna take a minute to flag a waitress.  I go over to Jen and her friends.  I am very relaxed and open with my body.  I look at Jen’s friend until she looks at me.  “I haven’t met you yet.”  Jen butts in, “This is Courtney.  She’s my girl!”  I introduce myself, and wrap my arms around them, and ask Courtney what her favorite thing about Jen is.  She says that Jen is really sweet, looks out for her friends, and they have a blast together.  I look at Jen like I’m forming an opinion.  I say, “That’s good.  I like a girl who is sweet, fun, and knows how to take care of her friends.”  This strikes a chord.  She looks into my eyes with more focus than she

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did before.  There’s a moment of...something.  I’ve felt this before.  “Yup, that’s Jen,” says Courtney.”   I tell the girls that we are doing shots, and they should come over - our table is about 10 feet away.  They come over, and Steve has joined our table while I was gone.  I say, “What’s up,” and introduce him as the biggest pimp in the bar.  I know that this will put the girls on the defense with him...it frames everything he does as “game,” and he won’t be able to take over as easily.  As I’m talking to Jen, Steve starts to tell a story about me getting drunk.  Great.  He’s trying to make me look bad.  Typical.  I quickly take over the story by talking over Steve with a louder voice.  After all, it’s about me.  I’m making sure not to make myself sound cool, or be ashamed the embarrassing moments.    I get Jen and Courtney to participate by asking them questions as I tell my story... “You guys know what I’m talking about, right?  You’ve been there...I know you have...look at that look...Yeah she knows! Haha” The shots come to the table, and I cut the story short and start handing shots out to everyone. 

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I toast to our team, and give Jen a little onearmed squeeze afterwards.  It just signified that we were sharing a fun time together.  After a beat, she turns to me excitedly.    “So finish your story!”   “Ahh...I’ll tell you later.  What are you doing after this?”   “I think we’re going back to our apartment to have a few drinks.”   I wait for her to invite me.  Something tells me she will.   “You guys should come.”   Don’t be needy.  “Yeah, I’ll see what my friends want to do.”   It all works out.  Mike, Steve, and I go back to their apartment.  The other guys come too, but I’m engaging the girls more than they are, and getting my friends involved.  I’m being inclusive, but only paying attention to what I want, to what I enjoy.  Normally I’d feel a little self-conscious being almost 30 and hanging out in an apartment with

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a bunch of 21-year-olds, but after Becca, I realize that doubts like this are all in my head.   Jen and I end up making out in her room.  I don’t know if I should go for sex or not.  I’m kind of drunk, and so is she.  We end up in our underwear, but I’m not ready – maybe it’s the alcohol or maybe I’m nervous.  She had been drinking all day, and I was pretty tired too.  We fall asleep.   A few nights later, I text Jen...“You got me thinking”    She texts back, “About what?”   “Cool idea. free in couple hours?”   “Umm maybe.  Why?”   “delicious surprise.  Can you be ready at 10”   “lol ok...make it 10:30.”

  Patrick brings over calzones and his favorite movie. Jen eats a couple bites, but she isn’t very hungry. 

Patrick doesn’t worry about it.  He makes himself at home and gorges – he hasn’t eaten all day.  Then he puts in the movie and pulls Jen close.  Things heat up and they forget all about the movie.  This

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time, Patrick has condoms, and pretty soon they are naked.  Patrick gets nervous. He’s thinking about all the goodlooking, buff college guys Jen must hook up with all the time.  He is worried about his foreplay skills.  He hasn’t been with a woman in a while, and even with Jasmine, they rarely engaged in foreplay for very long.  Patrick is clumsy.  He rushes things, and is nervous and Jen can feel it.  Patrick puts on a condom and tries to penetrate his girl. But his dick is flimsy, and she is dry – they are both feeling rushed.   It is Patrick’s responsibility to relax both of them.  Patrick doesn’t know what to do – he is embarrassed.  When he gets stuck, honesty seems to have been working for him.  He says, Ah…it’s getting soft.  I wish I could push a button and get hard whenever I want haha.”  Jen giggles and says, “It’s ok.”  Patrick relaxes a little.  They make out some more.  Patrick gets hard again.  ‘Oh yeah,’ he thinks.  ‘It always comes back.’  He makes a mental note to remember this in the future.  This time they have sex.  But again, he is in his head, worrying if she likes it, worrying if his moves are ‘right’ or if he’s hurting her or if his dick is big enough.    I realize I need to look deeper if I want to improve.  It all comes down to sex, and I am lacking in that department.  I know I can be good in bed - I was good with Jasmine. 

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We had great sex, at least at first.  I feel like I’m holding back, and it’s because I’m nervous.  And I’m nervous because I don’t know what to do.  I know how to have sex, but I want to be good, for myself, and my woman.    This is the first girl I’ve been with since Jasmine.  My old habits sabotage me, and I get needy.  I call Jen the next day, and ask if she wants to hang out.  She says she is busy.  I call her the next day.  She seems annoyed.  I try to tease her for playing hard to get...it’s super lame, totally transparent.  She says she has to go.  I can feel her slipping away.  I call her a week later, and tell her I’m sorry for calling too much, I just really liked her, and felt close to her.  This makes it worse.  She says her life is really hectic right now, and she doesn’t have time for anything serious.  I say I don’t want anything serious either...but she can tell I’m lying.  I want a girlfriend!

  Patrick is bad in bed because he can’t relax – he’s not present.  He’s in his head trying to do the right moves.  Patrick is worried about what she’ll tell her friends about his performance.

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Patrick wants her to be his girlfriend so he can feel validated by others.  Patrick worries about other guys in her life - past lovers who might have been better than him.  All this is about other people.  He was not naked with them, he was naked with Jen.  She was naked too - what does that tell him?  It was her and him, in the moment.  Instead, Patrick doubts that Jen likes him, and it’s a selffulfilling prophecy.  Odds are, Jen really was busy, or at the very worst, she was testing to see if Patrick would get needy like other guys have before him.  She has to protect herself from needy, unstable, desperate guys.  They will only bring her down, as she has learned from experience.   Patrick actually does fine.  It feels good for Jen, but she doesn’t enjoy it as much as she would if Patrick were fully present, focusing only on expressing himself, giving all he’s got, making Jen feel him fully.  There is no right or wrong stroke or speed.  There is no right or wrong place to kiss.  The key is to fully enjoy yourself, ravish your woman, bite her, kiss her, and push yourself into her as deeply as you can. Make her feel emotions as you express yourself fully with your mouth, hands, and your entire body. Talk to her, let her know how good it feels, command her to take you in, and tell her all the things about her body you

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love.  And allow time for immersed silence – moving together in unison, without the need for words – just breath, just bodies, just two energies merging.  That’s how to make love to a woman. Being good in bed makes it that much easier if you want to continue seeing a woman after you sleep with her. Not only did Patrick make several mistakes in bed, but he also chased her too hard the next day. After sleeping with a woman, it’s best to call and just chat. Do not try so hard to see her again. Call as if you are doing it so she doesn’t feel used, not to increase your own security.   I talk to the man...Terrell.  I think he secretly gets a kick out of being my mentor. Terrell tells me to be a student with the next woman I sleep with, and learn how to make her feel good. 

Patrick doesn’t yet realize it, but this curious, explorative attitude makes for awesome foreplay and a good vibe, which naturally makes for great sex – good sex comes from focusing on foreplay sex is merely an extension of foreplay and ultimately, the pick-up.    Terrell does a few key things naturally.  When he gets a woman alone, he is not nervous.  He doesn’t rush.  He is so relaxed, that he is able to get aroused.  He gets so aroused, that any doubts in his mind are drowned out by his desire.

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But he also knows the big secret – women want what he’s packin’, but they can’t admit it until after he fucks them.  So, patiently, he lets the tension build.  He knows the woman is thinking, “Is this guy gonna make a move on me?”  He plays with this.  He teases her.  He moves his face close to hers, looks in her eyes, looks at her lips, and licks his lips, and pulls back and continues what he was saying.  He pays attention.  When he can tell that the woman is really excited – beside herself with anticipation and uncertainty, he goes for it.  He kisses her, slowly, passionately, in total control of her and himself.  He holds her, posses her, and ravishes her with his mouth, hands, penis. Terrell satisfies women’s third need – good sex without ruining her reputation.   Most importantly in sex, ask yourself how you are holding back, and what you are afraid of.  Accept your insecurities, and know that you are ok – that you are made by nature and that your drives and flaws are normal. Focus on relaxing and being comfortable with women, and start letting out those arousing, sexy ideas more and more with women when you are intimate with them.  

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F o c u s . I’m abo u t to Ha n d You the Ins tr u c ti o n Manual for Your M in d It might be said that the Attraction Code brings freedom. After all, the dominance that spawns from the Code will bring you much more power and options than the people around you. But where does the chain of events known as “dominance” begin? It’s a good question. In order to gain some insight into the possible origin of male dominance, let’s take a look at some examples: A strong man directs his strength into making a woman feel safe so that she can submit to him and mate with him. The tribal leader conveys his leadership abilities by bonding with the men in his tribe and using that bond to draw out the value that they can contribute.  The modern alpha male does all these things, and gives women sexual pleasure meanwhile respecting their social reputation, and putting effort into preserving it. If we look at the commonalities of these characteristic behaviors, we will find one major theme. Every dominant man has an unwavering focus outside of himself. It is a selflessness that never compromises his masculine power – quite the contrary. It is an intelligent and outward focus that will always improve his social status and sense of freedom. It is the most subtle and important part of becoming dominant. 

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You should never think about whether or not you are dominant. Do not try to be dominant.  Focus as if you are dominant.  I know that sounds like the old trick of telling someone not to think about something, thus making them think of that very thing.  This is different.  Instead of thinking about what people think about you, or how your behaviors are coming across, your goal is to have an undying focus on drawing out the best in the people around you.  This simple step sets the cause and effect cycle of dominance into motion. Starting from within, you will become more dominant, and in response people will treat you differently. The cause-effect feedback loop will be in full effect, so that not only are you becoming more dominant within, the people around you will see and support your transformation too.  Dominance begins in your mind.

Is Yo u r Attenti o n A Leaky Faucet? Your attention never stops. It is your awareness. It can’t be shut off or lowered, only directed. Intention is beyond words or description. It is desire. It exists perpetually,

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it happening right now, but where it comes from or how it operates is so simple, so elemental, that the moment we try to conceptualize it with words its meaning vanishes.  Your intention, at the most fundamental level, is your choice. It helps determine where you place your attention. Think of your intention and attention as a flashlight. Your attention is the light, and your intention is where you are pointing the light. What you pay attention to determines your reality.  If a faucet has a leak the best thing is for you to do is find the source of the leak and fix it. But the mind works differently. If your attention is leaky and you focus on it, the leak will get worse. If instead of focusing on the leak, you focus on what life would be like if the leak didn’t exist at all, the leak will go away.  A very simple shift of focus can change reality. In a social situation, if you think about all the things you are doing wrong, and are focused on not embarrassing yourself, you will end up “playing it safe.” You might say as little as possible and when you do speak, you’ll be selfconscious and it’ll come across weird. I sometimes see men who have very stiff body language, who will park their hands in their front or back pockets, lean back, and not move a muscle. The fact is that they are so focused on how they are being perceived that their expression is completely locked up, immobile and unworkable. Much better to not think about body language at all! But if your focus is on getting to know others and sharing laughs with them, you will fit right in and people will accept you into the group. Again, this is a simple shift of focus. 

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There is another side to paying attention – pulling attention away. Attention is energy and when you pay attention to something, you feed it.  What you ignore is just as important as what you attend to. Think about a time when you were teasing a friend of yours. Instead of defending himself, he ignored you completely and continued doing what he was doing.  Did you feel like you were leaning towards him, and he didn’t prop you up?  Chances are he left you alone with your silly behavior, and you felt stupid. You probably immediately quieted down. The next time someone says something you don’t like, completely ignore them, and focus on something else. Out of the corner of your eye, observe them and feel their energy. They feel stupid. They quiet down. They depress themselves. Sometimes, they will act out more, because they feel uncomfortable submitting. They need to prove that they are important to you - it is a form of approval-seeking.  Observe this and realize how powerful an ignoring silence can be. 

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A P r o o f Th ey D on ’t Teach in M ath Class 1. The focus of your attention determines your reality 2. You have the ability to gain conscious control over what you pay attention to Therefore, 3. You have the ability to gain conscious control over your reality.

Th e Mi nd i s Like a V acuum. And Ye s … Th at’s a Good Thin g There is one simple idea that if mastered, will extinguish a lot of the fear, anxiety and pain you may be feeling on the topic of women and dating. Even though the improvement in your own well-being may be staggering, it actually is an extremely simple idea. The reason why men have so much difficulty with this is because they have developed the habit to not do this.

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The idea is quite simply that the mind is a vacuum… Well, sort of. Your mind can only focus on one single idea, thought or focus at one time. And one seems to be the magic number. For example, if you try to completely clear your mind, you will be fighting an uphill battle. Yes I’m sure there are monks who can do it, but it takes years of training. For everyone else, the moment you close your eyes, relax and start to clear your mind, thoughts will begin “popping in” as if being sucked into the empty space, into the vacuum. Your focus is the exact same way. If you do not have an effective focus in your mind in a certain situation, anything – a focus learned from a movie, a focus you observed in a friend, or a focus derived from external cues may suddenly “pop in” to your consciousness. And chances are, that focus won’t be very effective. It will begin to have detrimental effects on your state and ultimately your expression, resulting in ineffective communication. The way to prevent this is to have a focus already in your mind going into the situation. If it is there, and you are comfortable with it, that focus will “occupy” your mind and the next time some other focus tries popping in, it won’t be able to; you have already safeguarded your mind from any detrimental thoughts. The real way to train this is to continually discipline your thoughts. Don’t get caught up in analysis during your interactions. Don’t try to work out past problems.

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When something you don’t like or don’t understand happens, save your analysis for later. Resist the temptation to “work it out” with your mind. I had to work so hard on this when I was first learning. Because my college studies were so intensive, scientific and analytical, I had very strong tendencies to over-think things and analyze minute details. I remember having a girlfriend in college and whenever she was out at a bar or at a party my focus would always be like “I wonder what she’s doing right now” or “I hope she’s not talking to guys” etc. It got so bad that I would do things like try to catch her cheating by checking her phone or read her emails, and even her diary! Ouch! That type of activity will do nothing but drive a man crazy. It is a terrible focus, and ultimately will not only kill attraction but also force your negative thoughts to become a reality. I had to constantly remind myself that there were an infinite number of available women out there, and that many would be better for me than she was – not only that but determined focus on improving my own life conditions would make me that much more attractive. In the end, I figured out how to use my analytical nature to my advantage and ultimately it made me a great teacher, but in the first couple years it was quite a struggle. The next few sections are all examples of effective foci. As you internalize these, allow them to fill the space in your mind, leaving no room for ineffective, destructive foci to weasel their way in.

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Yo g a fo r th e Pick-up Artist

  Before you can start putting any of the Attraction Code into practice, there is something you must do, to cultivate inside yourself to the best of your ability. It is simply to relax and enjoy yourself.  Some guys have a hard time having fun.  If the club is not your scene, going to clubs to meet women will be difficult, until you learn to relax and play with the situation.  Usually, men are not having fun because they are on the prowl.  Start to think of the club like recess for grown-ups.  It’s a fun place where you can mess around, be yourself and have a good time. Relax.  Stop searching for your next “target.” Talk to the person next to you.  Just shoot the shit.  Enjoy talking to people.  If you are quiet or have been introverted for most of your life, recognize that it’s just a habit.  There’s nothing wrong with being quiet.  I’m quiet – I don’t like to talk a lot, but I have no problem meeting women.  Once you have some success in your interactions, you’ll realize that socializing is fun, and you don’t have to be the life of the party to meet and enjoy people.  Once you have some success meeting women when you go out, you will see it in a new light.  My favorite place to meet women is actually on the street during the day, but I enjoy going to the bar and meeting women there too.   Relaxation is profoundly important to being attractive.  Simply calming

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down, going slower, and feeling comfortable in your own skin is enough to make you very good with women.  If there’s one part of my “game” that I value most, it’s my ability to relax around women.  When you truly relax, it becomes much easier to control your focus and not be so distracted by outside influences. Your state becomes a bit more stable and your mind is freed up to notice her signals and her tests.  You won’t get upset by what people do, because you like to be relaxed and don’t want to experience tension.  It’s a choice.  Women love men who are relaxed.  They interpret calmness as selfassuredness, sexual confidence, emotional stability, and personal power.  You show them that you are in control of your life, good in bed, and used to people liking you. When you project this long enough it can become your reality. You need to build this as a habit. It is not something you can do just by snapping your fingers or clicking your heels. Most men are stuck in bad habits and have terrible emotional maintenance. “Emotional maintenance? Vin, you’re starting to sound like a self-help book for women!” Great I’ll start putting that on my resume. No, really.

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Each and every emotion we experience has specific chemicals associated with it. Every time you experience that emotion, these chemicals are released into the body and have a profound effect on many physiological processes. (And if you’re wondering, the chemicals associated with relaxation, happiness and pleasure are extremely good for you, and they promote faster healing, fight illness, and even cause you to live longer.) Good or bad, all of these chemicals are physically addictive. When there is a lot of a certain chemical in your brain, your brain will develop more receptor sites for it… and the more receptor sites you have for a certain chemical, the more you crave it. And to furthermore complicate things, when you are used to a certain emotion, you will unconsciously put yourself into situations where you will get more of that emotion! That is a good thing if that emotion is thankfulness, not so good if it is anger toward others. If you find yourself being let down by people in your life on a regular basis, or if it doesn’t take much to make you angry, take a good hard look at the underlying reasons why. Even though you would never admit that you like those emotions, a past history of emotional addiction may be causing you to subconsciously put yourself into these situations that are holding you back. Really think about it. You may need to catch yourself next time you are feeling these emotions –

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STOP and focus on something more positive. Ask yourself; what can I learn from this situation? What is funny about this situation? Write down 3 answers to each question and it will help rewire your automatic response.   You also need to start to realize the types of people and situations that make you feel positive emotions – and be sure to including them in your life on a more regular basis.

Ho w to Us e ‘Sh ap in g’ to Inf luence a Wo ma n’s Behavior One of the most powerful things you could do to a woman is to inspire her to become a better person just to be with you. In other words, helping her to adapt new behaviors, break out of her comfort zone or even break her own “rules” when she’s with you. It represents an enormous amount of compliance and causes backwards rationalization that will nearly guarantee that her attraction is long-lasting. Before we get into that, I’d like to talk about a research project I once read about. Years ago there was a British psychologist who did a study on the power of suggestion. He measured the grip of three men, and under waking conditions, the average grip strength was 101 lbs. He then told them that their grip was weak. He looked at the results and said, “Yeah. I’m afraid your grip tested very weak today.”

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A few days later he tested them again and their average strength turned out to only be 29 lbs! He then repeated the experiment, but this time, telling his subjects that their grip was very strong. The final test showed an average of 142 lbs. This says a lot about the idea that to correct a person’s behavior you should point out what they are doing wrong and ask them to fix it. In order to understand the psychology behind this, consider the difference between these two scenarios: A wife believes her husband is too serious and wants him to become more playful. First, she could say to him “Dear. You are much too serious. I really wish you were more playful.” The result would be the husband not only believing that he’s inherently a serious person, but also, because he wants to use his “free will” he will begin to become even more serious! The correct way for her to “shape” her husband would be find a behavior of his that could be considered playful and say to him: “Wow you’re so playful, I really like that!” As a result he will believe that he is a playful person, and also because he was given a great compliment, he will work to live up to it in the future. When I first discovered this very powerful concept I was blown away, but at the same time I was somewhat resistant to the idea.

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I didn’t want to accept that people were so easily influenced by others. After all, if you change enough of your behavior for someone else, are you still “being yourself ”? Looking back on my early relationships, before I had even two ounces of game, I realized how much I would change to meet a woman’s relationship expectations. If a woman talked about her ex-boyfriend and how much she liked it when he wore certain cologne, I’d run out and buy it immediately. If she talked about how much she was attracted to guys who worked out and lifted weights, I’d get in the gym and start hitting the weights five times a week. Now of course I think this is a terrible strategy for attraction, and I recommend you never change yourself just to meet a particular woman’s expectations. But… As a strategy to build attraction and also as a very effective mental focus I’d like you to start thinking of attracting women as a process of shaping her. This process starts immediately whenever I approach a woman. I walk up, and immediately start shaping her. Positive behaviors that fit into my agenda are rewarded with attention and kino, meanwhile behaviors or characteristics that I don’t like are punished by withdrawing attention. I also shape her into the type of woman who will be likely to sleep with a new guy very quickly: “You like living in the moment? Great. You’re spontaneous and warm up quickly to new people? Fabulous. Interested in taking a romantic walk on the

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beach? Awesome... You get a kiss.” “What’s that sweetie, you don’t trust men from America, uh oh. Hmm maybe the blonde in the corner would appreciate my attention. Oh ok, you were joking… Yes of course you were. Let’ go meet my friends, they’d love you.” (This isn’t an exact script, but more what’s going on in my own head when I interact with a woman.) Shaping can feel somewhat uncomfortable to the woman if done wrong. Remember, women are out to relax and enjoy themselves, not to be controlled or motivated to respond a certain way. A good pick up combines effective shaping with humor, touch and playfulness so that the interaction feels as comfortable and natural as possible.

T hr ee Bu llet-P r o o f M ethods of Shap in g or, O bedience S ch ool f or Wo men As far as I know, and as far as I have tested, there are three primary ways of shaping a woman. There may be more, but they are most likely variations or combinations of these three. The very first step in all three methods is to figure out exactly what you want in a woman. Remember these are behavioral traits and characteristics. You could put a physical characteristic like “Asian” on the list, but good luck getting a white woman to magically transform into one. (If you do, however get this to work, please let me know how you did it)

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Your list should be short, concise and accurate. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should get too picky with this. Many guys claim to be picky, but really they are afraid of meeting women at all, and need a “too cool” excuse to cover up their fear. Make sure your standards are realistic, and what you truly want.  You should keep it simple, and once you set your standards, you should stick to them firmly. Now actually make a list of exactly what traits and characteristics you are looking for. Write them down. This will further reinforce them in your mind and actually increase the chances of you getting exactly what you want.

S hap i n g Me th o ds : 1. Screening Questions and Setting Standards The easiest and most direct way to shape a woman is to outright ask her if she has that characteristic and at the same time, imply the “correct” answer in the phrasing of your question. For the sake of discussion, let’s say you are screening a woman with the intention of helping her to become more nurturing and supportive. You could simply say “Have you ever been really supportive for a friend that needed it? When?”

You could also say “Do you consider yourself a supportive person?”

This shouldn’t feel like an interview process, but rather an easy relaxed question where you’re trying to get to know her better. Keep it light.

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Notice that in both of the above questions, she will be likely to answer yes, since being nurturing and supportive is generally considered a good thing. Now, even though people are generally good and strive to have positive qualities, the fact that you have gotten her to verbally commit to being a certain way will subconsciously motivate her to act in a way consistent with it in the future. Also keep in mind that when you do this it sets a definite standard for the BOTH of you to live up to. If you screen for her being independent, you better be independent as well, otherwise all of your shaping work will be for nothing. You could even get more obvious in “weighting” your screen. Consider this next example: “Are you the type of person who is supportive of your friends, and helps them become better people, or are you the type to ignore their needs and leave them to rot?” Of course that is an extreme example, and would have no use in a real pick-up (unless you did it in a humorous way), but just understand that you could ask questions that practically force her to answer a certain way. Keep in mind that because this type of shaping is so direct, it may be uncomfortable if you just met a woman. Reserve this for only after she has already shown interest and committed to spending time with you and talking to you. 2. Social Leverage and Establishing Themes Another very powerful motivator for shaping a woman’s behavior is through the use of “social leverage”.

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This means that you are using other people in your social circle as examples and demonstrations for how people in your life behave and treat you. This could mean ex-girlfriends, regular friends (male and female) family members and pretty much anyone who you have a relationship with that is not business-like in nature. You will simply share a story of how one of your friends treats you a certain way or has some specific characteristic. If you wanted a woman to live in the moment, you could talk about your friend Joe who you love hanging out with because he’s always up for anything and doesn’t worry too much about fear and consequences of life. You could even go into detail about how one time you and Joe went on a road trip and didn’t tell anyone you were leaving... (Themes of spontaneity and risk are great for inspiring same day lays) This may also take the form of real-life demonstrations of a person treating you this way. If you go to the club with a group of friends, and they see that you respond to your friends showing you the utmost respect, then she will be motivated to do the same. Needless to say, real life demonstrations are always much more powerful and authentic. Think of this type of shaping as “Establishing Themes” that will carry throughout your interaction with a woman, far into the relationship. For example, early on, if you establish a theme of discretion, (in other words not talking to others about your sexual exploits together) then that theme will become an expectation even if you eventually get into a long

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term relationship with her. No matter what themes you talk about, they will exist throughout your interactions, and all of your behaviors will be filtered through them. I cannot stress the importance of truly knowing what you want both from women and from your relationships. 3. Selective Observation and Warm Reading The final method of shaping and by far the most powerful is to treat her as if she is already acting the way you want her to act. This can be in the form of selective observations, compliments or interpreting behaviors of hers favorably. When I say selective observation, I mean you are consciously selecting your observations of a woman so that they fit into the reality you are trying to create. In other words, if you see a woman bringing a shirt back to the mall that she bought a few days ago and arguing with the salesperson for giving her the wrong size, you could observe the following things: • She is frugal with her money and not wasteful • She is easily upset and places blame on people irresponsibly • She is assertive and gets what she wants Selective observation means you pick and choose what you observe and report such that it reinforces the part of an otherwise multi-dimensional event that is desirable to your reality. So if you wanted to shape this woman into going after what she wants, you would pick the third one while ignoring everything else.

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Warm reading is like cold reading except you are actually using some information (an observation similar to the one above) to make an “intuitive” guess about her personality. (Cold reading would be a read based on no information whatsoever) Whenever someone makes a critical judgment on a person, that person really believes its true about them on a powerful subconscious level – whether they agree with the judgment or not. Always choose what you observe and reinforce the things that make you happy.

T he Di ffer e nc e between S hap ing Rel ationshi ps by Ac c i dent an d On Purpose Most guys get into relationships by accident. Not only that, but they are entirely random and not designed consciously. Sometimes a guy will just want a long term girlfriend and end up with a one night stand and other times a guy will want a casual sex partner and end up in an exclusive relationship. This leads to a lot of unnecessary stress and arguments later on about expectations and both parties “wanting something that the other cannot give”. It has nothing to do with people being incompatible. It is 100% a result of “accidental” shaping.

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When you shape a relationship consciously, and from the very start according to qualities you really want in a woman, the relationship is empowering. A properly shaped relationship will give you confidence, power, energy, you will get more done in a day, feel healthier, happier and have better sex than you’ve ever had in your life. The key to really making shaping work is to be consistent. Don’t shape her to be spontaneous and in the moment and then get upset when you have difficulty trying to get her to be well behaved, stay at home and do nothing but sit by you while you watch TV. If you want a girl that is sexually adventurous and open minded, be sure to shape her consistently from start to finish. In other words, keep your language consistent by knowing exactly which words you are going to use to shape her. Also provide plenty of examples of the types of behavior you are expecting. A woman might think of “supportive” as telling her man that everything will work out OK. You might think of “supportive” as pushing you to meet your goals. Be sure to provide concrete and exact examples as to what you expect. Don’t just tell her you like it when your friends are supportive. Tell her exactly what your friends did for you, and how much you appreciated it. Remember, the principle of shaping applies to bad behavior as well. Most guys end up in crappy relationships with misbehaved girlfriends because very commonly they will say something like “My last girlfriend was a bitch. She cheated on me and treated me like shit.”

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Here’s the translation of that little gem: “If you are a bitch and cheat on me, I will not only tolerate it, but I also expect it. Save your good behavior for someone else who is worthy.”

“F li p the Script Part II ” Although there is not nearly enough room in this book to go into complete detail into the entire method of “Flipping the Script” there is one component that is so important that I believe it deserves some special mention here. And that component is called the “Flip the Script Punishment and Reward System.” This system is extremely vital not only to flipping the script but also to creating and managing everyday sexual relationships. You need to have a very clear idea of what behaviors you absolutely do not accept under any conditions. Enforcing your “rules” on these behaviors is absolutely critical in relationships between people, especially if you desire to maintain the very delicate balance of perceptions that creates attraction. In addition to knowing your “rules” you must also know exactly how to punish and reward based on those rules.

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Here’s the thing most people don’t understand – Increased attention, reaction and emotion is always a reward, and tends to reinforce the behavior that you are reacting to. So if a girl starts spending time with another guy, and you freak out on her and tell her how bad she is… guess what… She will be spending more time with him very soon. We already know that each and every emotion she experiences triggers the release of addictive chemicals – whether they are good or bad, it doesn’t matter. Emotions are addictive. If you cause a strong emotion in her directly after a specific behavior of hers, that behavior gets reinforced. The only effective strategy for punishing behavior is to ignore it. Let’s add another dimension to our reward system. Physical escalation. If you reward a woman’s good behavior (adherence to your rules and positive compliance in your favor, i.e. contributing to your lifestyle) with verbal encouragement and increased attention, you can spark deep sexual desire in her by adding a physical escalation component. In other words, let’s say a woman picks up some groceries

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and a GQ magazine you requested on the way over to your place. She is contributing to your lifestyle and supporting your goals. You could just thank her and tell her it’s appreciated. She will do more of that stuff in the future. But… If you also give her a kiss when you thank her, it sends her a very subtle message below her conscious awareness. That message says “If I did this work for him and he rewarded me with his physical affection …that means that sex with this guy is a very, very valuable thing.” So now, instead of the perception that 99.99% of most guys share of “If I work hard by making money or learning all of these entertaining routines, I will get to sleep with this woman” … …you are instead removing all desperation and neediness by taking the focus off of trying to sleep with her, and putting the focus on building an amazing lifestyle and rewarding her with sex for contributing to it… This is just one of the many methods I use to “Flip the Script”

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Th e Sec r e t Mi nds et for Acceleratin g P h ys i c al In tima cy What is “game”? What is seduction?  What is the whole point of being attractive? Escalation.  The whole point of all of this study, practice and internal work is physical escalation – intimacy.  It’s a sexual game.  Sex is physical.  Sex is not a conversation.  A conversation can have sexual tension, but only sex is sex, and sex is about physical bodies.  So many guys think they have accomplished something when they have a long conversation or when they get a phone number.  That’s not an accomplishment. Many men believe that they are successful if they can keep a woman’s attention for a long time with a lot of tricks and memorized routines.  They are only being successful at keeping her attention.  They are not successful at escalation.    I want you to start thinking about measuring your progress in this game by seeing how far you can escalate. The mating game is all about escalation.  If you are not escalating, you are not doing anything. 

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Do you want a ‘talk-buddy’ or do you want to have sex?  Maybe for now, you’d rather have the first.  But if you are a sexual man, you need to face it, be honest with yourself about it, and then be honest with women about it.  Being honest about your intention – your sexual intention – doesn’t mean saying, “I want to have sex. Let’s do it.”  That would violate her need for social discretion. Honesty is more about your actions than your words.  Instead of talking about sex, touch her body with your hand.  Instead of saying “I want to sleep with you,” look her in her eyes and don’t waiver. Instead of pretending that you just want to chit chat and be friends, show her that you intend on getting naked with her.   Escalation means increasing the level of intimacy – physically and emotionally. It’s about making the interaction more and more sexually charged.  It’s about sex, and sex is not about words.  It’s physical.  Interact with a woman and start eliciting reactions from her. Ignore her bad behavior and escalate on her good behavior. It’s really that simple. This is a physical game.  Only escalate, or don’t escalate and move on.  If you’re not escalating you’re not doing anything.   When you accept your sexual nature, your desire to touch women’s bodies, penetrate their emotions and bodies, and make them feel your masculinity – your eyes, hands, and your body – you will naturally escalate.  It will soon become a natural extension of your internal reality.  

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 H ow to Attr act a Wo ma n You Are Alr eady F rien ds With When I first started meeting new women through cold approaches very consistently, I felt like I had found the Holy Grail. I thought – “Why do I need a social circle if I can get sex whenever I want from a new woman with a very small time investment?” I thought being good at pick up and being a “pick-up artist” was so cool and it would get me all the success with women I ever wanted… but there was one little problem. Everything I had taught was geared toward meeting new women using cold approaches… and that’s great. It’s an incredible skill to have and I wouldn’t trade it back for any amount of money. But I soon realized that I had been ignoring 90% of the interactions people have on a daily basis. I realized that most men who were showing up to my bootcamps just wanted to become more attractive so that they could sleep with women they were already friends with or women from work. And not only that, I also realized that when you “pick-up” a social circle, you earn sexual access to the entire group of women. You can practically pickup ten women for the price of one! But tackling social circle game requires a slight tweak in your mental focus. If you meet a woman in the mall in a city you are rarely in, your goal should be to immediately get her on an “insta-date” or get her phone number to follow up 1-2 days later. When you get her in person, you should get her alone and

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escalate directly to sex. After all, that’s the only way you can guarantee you’ll make an impression on her big enough for her to want to see you again after you’ve gone home. This is the general strategy for meeting women in an open-system. In an open-system, new women are entering the system continuously, and the women who you interact with will be leaving the system after the interaction. You may never see them again. If you are trying to pick-up a woman from a closed-system, such as your social circle, a party or your work, the game is slightly different. In a closed-system, there is very little influx of new women, and when you interact with a woman, she is going to be there later on, and may observe all of your later interactions in that system. In addition, all future women you meet will have seen your interaction with the first woman. Not only that, but showing your interest may hurt your status with the entire group of people. After all, she might have a boyfriend, or might be married! Remember a woman’s drive to protect her social standing in the group?  It’s more crucial in this situation because she knows the people she’s with – she doesn’t have the anonymity of a huge mall or club.  So even though a lot of the attraction code still holds true, in a closed-system you want to be calculated (not careful) with the amount of interest you show, and precise with how you go about getting phone numbers and dates. Realize that every interaction is not only with the one woman you are talking to, but with every other person in the system. Instead of attracting the one person you are interacting with, direct your

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focus to attracting the entire social circle as a whole… Try to visualize the entire group combined into one single woman who you are interested in dating. When it comes time to get a phone number, (and don’t rush it, you’ll have other chances to see her again) it should be for some “innocent” purpose. You want to study together, work on a project together, have her help you go shopping for your mom, etc. This way, she has plausible deniability if need be. And when you do finally sleep with the first girl in the circle do not tell a soul! Sure, go ahead and post it in the mastermind forum, and send me a success story, but do not let anyone in the circle know. If word gets around it should be because she’s telling everyone how good you are in bed. You need all of the women in the social circle to feel that you protect their secrets like a locked safe. If you can do this effectively, they will see you as riskfree, guilt-free, no-strings-attached pleasure! And yes… That’s a good thing. One more point… Every friendship in your life is a blessing, and those who choose to stay by your side and have your back are your top social priority.  You have shared laughs, secrets, struggles, and successes with your friends, and they have stuck with you through all of it.  Your friends are more important than some woman you’ve just met.    Never resort to putting your friends down to make yourself look good.  This is a false persona and women recognize it as the behavior of an insecure

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man. Instead, build your friends up, like a true leader.  Women will see this as true strength and you’ll be amazed what that will do for attraction.

Deve lo pi ng an In vin cible State You may have heard people say that meeting women is “state based”. You may have even experienced it yourself. You might go out one night feeling great and get phenomenal results, and then later go out in a worse mood and do terrible. Yes. It’s true. If your state is suppressed, distorted or otherwise not optimum, you will have a very hard time expressing your true intention. You will also appear to have a persona, which is inherently not very attractive. But at the same time, saying pick up is “state based” is almost like saying that artistic painting is “brush based”. If your brush is missing all its bristles, or bent, or has hardened paint in it, then yes, you will not be able to express your vision as well as you might if you were using a perfect brush. But the brush is just a tool. A painting originates in the mind of the artist and is translated through the fine control of his muscles, the quality of the brush, and ultimately the paint itself. I want you to think of your “state” just like that. It’s merely a tool that you use to express yourself.

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And for that reason, you should take good care of it, but at the same time, you should learn to minimize the effects of your state. After all, a great artist can produce a masterpiece with any brush, no matter how defective it is! Next we’ll be looking at the three state frictions and how to deal with them. But first, let’s check in with Patrick.

P atr i c k’s Sto ry 12: Br o ken P r o mi s es  

Finals are over, and I’m catching up on some sleep.  My job doesn’t start for another week.  It’s time for some good old fashioned pickup.  I hit the fashion district on Sunday to do some shopping.  I know there will be plenty of women there, so I make sure I’m dressed and groomed so that I don’t have any excuses if I see one I like.  After I pick up some jeans, sure enough, on my way out, I see three girls in the women’s section of a department store.  They are all cute, and I pick my favorite: A thin brunette with awesome curves.  

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“Hey,” I say.  I don’t really know what to say.  I just want to talk.  But I’m loud and convey with my body that I intend on having a conversation.  She says, “Hey,” back, and continues browsing.  Her friends look over. I feel like I’m on stage. I’ve been here before.  Relax.  Girls are harmless.  “I know better than to get in between a girl and her shopping...”  I wait for her to look up and focus on me, and she kind of giggles.  “...but I wanted to meet you before I left.”  I wait for a second for her to wrap her mind around what’s going on; It’s not every day she is approached like this.  “I’m Patrick.” Her friends are watching intently.   “I’m Elise.” We shake hands.  I ask her how her shopping is going.  I show her my jeans.  She tells me she just graduated and works as a bartender at a local upscale bar frequented by professionals.  I’m sure she gets hit on by rich, confident guys every night. This is a useless thought – I don’t

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know if it’s true, and it’s a bad focus, anyway.  I tell her that I’ve been to that bar a couple times, but I felt underdressed.  She laughs and says it’s not really her crowd either; she just works there because the tips are great.  I tease her about being a shrewd business lady.  Then I say that I like it that she knows how to get what she wants.  I have to get going, so I tell her to take my number.  When she punches it in, I tell her to call my phone so I have hers.  We hug, and I take off.   After a few brief phone conversations, we meet up for drinks, and we come back to my place to grab a bite to eat.  I’ve already established a comfortable, playful, physical vibe.  In the kitchen we are tossing popcorn into each others’ mouths, and feeding each other cold pizza.  I call her pizza breath, and she says, “You are, too!” and I say, “Nooo, I have good breath, you have pizza breath.”  She says, “No way, I have good breath.”  I get face to face with her, pushing her against the counter.  “Oh yeah...let’s see,” and I kiss her.    We are making out, and it gets pretty intense.  I

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take her to the bedroom. She says “I’m not going in there with you.”  I say, “Hey, don’t worry - if you can control yourself, we won’t do anything we shouldn’t.”  She says, “I can control myself.” So I take her hand and we go into my room. We kiss some more, and I give her a massage.  She asks if this was my plan.  I say, “I was gonna ask you the same thing.  You are such a little seductress.”  She says, “No, I’m not!  You planned this!”  “Ok, ok, I did.  I planned every single thing we did today.  I also planned the pizza.  I strategically didn’t eat it all last night so that I’d be able to give you pizza breath!”  Then I start tickling her and calling her the Pizza Monster.    We play around some more, and get really comfortable with each other.  We have sex, and it’s great.    We continue seeing each other regularly for the next couple months, but there are some things about Elise that I don’t like.  I can’t be around her for more than a few hours,

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and if I see her more than twice a week, I get really sick of her.  But she’s great in bed and really fun, for the most part.    She starts calling me more, and we have really long phone conversations.  I realize I’m spending most of my free time with her, mainly because of the sex.  We are now hanging out almost every day, and if we don’t hang out, we talk.  It’s getting to be too much.  Maybe I could do this with another girl, but Elise just doesn’t have the personality I can vibe with very well.  I guess I created a bond between us just by being good at conversation and being relaxed.  She feels really close to me, but I feel stuck.    After a few months, I feel trapped.  I want to meet new girls, but I know she would flip out if I did.  Technically, I think it would be “cheating.”  I start to resent her, and this magnifies all her flaws.  One night, I go to the bar with my friends.  She texts me three times saying random stuff.  I know she is just trying to keep me thinking of her so I don’t hook up with another girl.  This annoys me, but I decide to go see her after the bar,

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because I don’t want her getting pissed. I go to see her, and she starts asking me all these questions.    She wants to know why I never take her out with my friends.  I feel like she’s accusing me of stuff that I wish I was doing, but I’m actually not, because I don’t want to “hurt” her.  Really, I feel like she’s the one who assumes that we are an item.  I just want to date and play the field, but I let it get to this.  I try to kiss her and get intimate.  I can feel she is cold and distant.  I get frustrated.  I could have met someone else.  I don’t have to put up with these accusations and the sexual cold treatment.  I flip out.  I call her names, tell her she’s manipulative, I let out all my resentment and anger.  I leave.  That’s the end. 

  Elise played her role in this, but Patrick is only responsible for his actions.  He was not clear with her about what he wanted.  This doesn’t mean he should have spelled out the fact that he wanted to date other girls, however.

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Elise knows how it works.  She has dated guys and played the field herself.  But if Patrick had had the selfconfidence to be honest with her, Elise would have understood where she stood with him at any given moment in their relationship.  They would not have had unrealistic expectations of each other, and resentment would not have existed between them.    Instead of going along with the assumed agenda, Patrick could’ve very easily turned down plans occasionally, allowing Elise the same privilege.  Remember that it is a woman’s need to please a man that is at work here. Patrick could’ve satisfied this need by letting her know she was special to him because she held a unique, irreplaceable role in his life.  He could’ve conveyed strength by being open and honest about what he wanted from their relationship, giving her a clear way to please him instead of confusing her. And if she decides that the relationship is not good for her, then she has the power to end it, as well. Patrick could’ve made their time together more passionate and exciting by not hanging out when he didn’t want to, and when he did want to, being fully present and giving her all of his attention.  That’s called honesty, and that’s how a man keeps a woman by his side.  Marriage, boyfriend girlfriend, it’s

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all made up titles – games we imagine based on cultural tradition.  None of it is truth.  Truth is inside you.  It is what you feel.  It is your honest self control.  

Th e Th r e e Friction s Friction #1: Attention Fixation A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Yet we do it all day long. You know how people always say “Humans only use 10% of their brains” or some other arbitrary low number? Well I believe our actual brains are functioning to the best of their ability, but the problem is, they are all over the place. I think a more accurate picture is that humans only focus 10% of their full attention in the present moment. Most people have their attention spread out, with portions of it locked up in past failures, imaginary irrational fears and future outcomes that they are attached to. The mind is busy. 

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It doesn’t know acceptance, completion, perfection. It is always searching for the big answer, always strategizing for the next problem, which was and is crucial to survival.  We judge ourselves, doubt ourselves, and compare ourselves to others. All this is useless. The mind can be your worst enemy. Instead of fixating on irrelevant details, start to use your attention in a useful way.  Make your mind your friend and partner. I was recently teaching a DiClassified Drills Bootcamp in Chicago and one of my clients was talking to a smoking hot blonde girl at a private loft party. A few minutes in, another guy, who was a friend of hers, approached her and started talking to her. My client froze, stood there facing them, with his attention fixated on their conversation. I could almost read his thoughts exactly; “What if she likes him better? When will he leave her alone? What will happen to ME?” His state dropped immediately and I could tell that he felt an inner shift, a loss of control, and a wave of tension filling his body. I snapped my fingers in front of his face and said “Come back!” Get back to the present. Get back to reality. We’re all here waiting for you, and yes it is a safe and friendly place. Welcome home. You have to be aware of your attention. You have to train it, almost as if it is a separate entity that has a mind of its own. You should always keep your attention flowing. Never allow it to get stuck on anything – whether it is a girl, an outcome, a past failure, or even a past success.

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“Not even a past success? But I thought remembering past success will help you feel good?” Maybe you will feel good, but that pleasure state won’t be useful. It’s like having money tied up in bonds where you can’t touch the money for five or ten years. It’s not liquid. My client needed to immediately start talking to someone else in the vicinity, or engage the guy in that situation. This is what he’d naturally do if he didn’t have a single ounce of fear. Let your attention FLOW. I once studied under master jazz trombonist Ed Byrne. (By the way, if you are a musician and want some amazing jazz training that will help with whatever instrument you play, look him up and tell him I sent you.) A lot of the initial ideas I got regarding my particular style of Natural Game I stole directly from Ed. It’s amazing how much a world class jazz musician can teach you about being spontaneous and in the moment. He said “If you mess up or play the wrong note, fuck it! It’s done man, you can’t go back to that. The river keeps flowing. Stay in the present!” Ed also once said: “In a spontaneous art form, how you think is EVERYTHING!” (And if you don’t think pick-up is a spontaneous art form, try memorizing an entire pick-up, go out and see how much you actually use.) A lot of guys try to go back and fix their mistakes in game. They will be thinking about what they said 30 seconds ago, wondering if it was good or not, “Was that an attractive thing to say? Did I just blow it? What does she think of that?” Well guess what – it’s not what you said two minutes ago that’s going to hurt you, it’s the mental distraction that is going to put the nails in your coffin!

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The next time you say something stupid, and you find yourself thinking about ANYTHING that has happened in the past with a woman. STOP. Get back into the moment immediately – get the job done! You triumphant return to the present will pull her attention to the present as well, and your carefree focus will negate any “mistakes” you think you may have made.

Friction #2: Social Pressure If you have ever seen a woman you were attracted to and not approached her, you have felt social pressure. Social pressure is the physical sensation that stems from the real or imaginary conflict between your intention and the intentions of the people around you. It also includes the real or imaginary conflicts between your opinions and the opinions of others. Notice I said real or imaginary. It doesn’t even matter what intentions or opinions other people actually have, all that matters is what you believe their intentions and opinions to be. For example, let’s say you are on a date with a woman and you start talking about movies. You are about to say that you like the movie “The Raiders of the Lost Ark” but then you think that maybe she doesn’t like it… You may feel social pressure, and that pressure may cause you to end up not

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saying it at all. Social pressure is amplified when you are around someone who is dominant to you. People subconsciously act in ways to please the dominant figures in their life, even when those figures aren’t physically present. In other words, if you go out with a friend who is dominant to you (In other words, he has unlocked more of the Attraction Code than you have) you may find it difficult to “be yourself ” or demonstrate your true desires and go after what you really want. As long as that person is a dominant force in your life, you may carry their “ghost” with you as you go throughout the day. Social pressure also has a useful function. It is important for keeping society functioning properly. It prevents people from doing random acts of destruction, it keeps people from stepping too far out of line, and it keeps people from having sex with every person they are attracted to. But if you want to release yourself from the powerful grip of social pressure, you need to adjust your focus. It’s easier than you think. The first step is to realize or convince yourself that most of the time people aren’t judging you. They are far too concerned with their own problems and insecurities to be thinking about yours! Secondly, realize that worrying about what people think of you is nothing more than the need for social approval.

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Remember that when you demonstrate a lack of concern for approval it always increases your dominance, and is therefore more attractive. Women are attracted to men who do not care what they think. Know this. Thirdly, take your focus from what other people think and redirect it to your task; in an approach that means walking up, connecting with women and starting the process of shaping! I had a client recently tell me that before I adjusted his focus he used to walk around every day with severe social anxiety – and just by changing his focus to “What can she contribute to my life?” his anxiety completely disappeared.

Friction #3: Intention-Violation If Friction #2 is defined as violating the intentions of others, Friction #3 is defined as violating the intention of your self. Once you are aware of your intention and goals in life, you will automatically and subconsciously map out a path that will get you there. You may decide to wake up early every morning, working out a few times a week or committing a few hours a week to reading up on a certain topic. Whenever you act in a way that is counter to your ethics, that violates your intention or deviates from your path, it will affect your state. A strong intention is realized as stillness of focus and your ability to stay connected to your life purpose. You can strengthen your intention by cutting out short-term indulgences that don’t serve this purpose. Every time you say “no” to these things you build your internal power and give yourself future momentum.

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And future pleasure is more important than now pleasure. How do you spend your time? How much of your time is spent on unhealthy food, laziness and distracting activities? In your mind you know that you are cheating yourself. You are diminishing your own personal power. One common vice is the use of alcohol. I have no problem with some recreational use, but it becomes a problem when you rely on it to loosen up and have a good time.  Another vice is sloppy eating habits – overeating or eating unhealthy food.  Oversleeping is common with a lot of students or self-employed people. It may seem innocent, but it makes your mind foggy and prevents you from getting things done.  I remember having this problem myself. I would sometimes sleep in late and then feel “behind” all day long. Then when it was time to go to the club at night I felt a very real disadvantage when talking to women. When I started waking up at a time I was happy with and began my day with a strong start, I would feel much better about myself and do exponentially better with women I talked to. One of the hardest vices to cut is holding on to deadweight relationships. Do you know people who make you feel bad, invalidate your attempts at self-improvement or who indulge in vices with you? If you do, you may want to consider removing them from your life. It will give you more energy, improve your mood and make you more attractive to the opposite sex.

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Something else that may be holding you back is your relationship with your girlfriend or the women you are sleeping with. Even if you aren’t sleeping with her – if you have a girl you are enamored with this attachment may be hurting your results. When we hold on to a specific opportunity, we tend to get a sort of “tunnel vision” and begin to miss out on or fail to perceive better opportunities. I’m not saying that you’re definitely holding yourself back or that you’re currently settling for a certain woman in your life, but just take a look at the possibility. Is there a woman you are spending too much time thinking about or sleeping with who isn’t contributing significantly to your life? Are you perhaps missing out on meeting other women because of your attachment to this woman? Would it be better to move on? Think about it.

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B eh i nd th e Sc ene s o f DiClassified Drills an d Th e F .S.E. F eedback Sy stem I mentioned before that I would talk briefly about some of what goes on behind the scenes of my DiClassified Drills Bootcamp. Now that you have a better understanding of Focus, State, and Expression, I think it would be a good time to talk about how the F.S.E Feedback System works and specifically how we use it to make changes below the level of awareness in the clients that come to our bootcamp. Before this book was released, I have never talked about this stuff in public or shared it online. This information has always been strictly between me and my trainers. So in a sense, I am peeling back the curtain and revealing the inner machinery of DiClassified Drills, and the basic concepts I use when I design a new training program. Yes, I understand that my competitors may be reading this book, and that it may give them a quantum leap in their own training. That doesn’t bother me. As I’ve stated before, once a person understands how to think like a pick-up artist he can train with anyone he likes. It really doesn’t matter. If the world becomes better because of this knowledge, then I feel like I have done a good thing.

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Understanding the Attraction Code means that you first acknowledge the fact that state-frictions are a necessary part of life; and that they will always exist as long as we are confined to the physical world. But you also realize that you can become immune to the statefrictions and begin to operate completely independent of these frictions. You do this by training your focus of attention. The only problem a guy will ever have when trying to be good with women is that his focus of attention will get thrown off. When his focus goes into the wrong place he will begin to feel the force of his state-frictions and he’ll make mistakes. His expression will appear crippled or he’ll take on a false persona. So far, I have seen other “solutions” to this and have heard various gurus say things like: “Just do a few hundred approaches and you’ll eventually get it” or “You need to memorize more routines to fill in the empty space”. The reason why these remedies don’t work is because exposing a guy to state frictions over and over and over again does not ever train him to adjust his focus. It may even amplify his sensitivity to these frictions or even worse, cause him to associate meeting women with pain. So given these things, what I have done is designed an entire system of giving feedback to students. This is called the F.S.E Feedback System and is based on the Focus, State and Expression components of the Attraction Code.

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DiClassified Drills currently consists of 39 Drills which are specifically designed to expose a person to the exact situations one could expect to encounter in any realistic pick-up or dating scenario. But here’s the thing that most people miss… In addition to proving a broad-spectrum of emotional and social intelligence building exercises, the feedback provided by a DiClassified Trainer will correct your focus while providing a measured and gradual increase in the amount of state-frictions throughout the bootcamp. In other words, each drill is used to induce a specific statefriction, and then you continue using that drill until you automatically and habitually hold the correct focus, despite the statefriction. Once you can hold that focus given a certain level of stress, we continue to gradually increase that stress, utilizing additional frictions to the point where on the 3rd day your focus is so well trained that enormous amounts of state-frictions will have little effect on you. Meanwhile, your DiClassified Trainer will give you feedback which allows you to not only become aware of previously unknown weaknesses and deficiencies, but also personal tweaks so that you know what the correct focus feels like. One additional detail – we do not move you to the next drill until your focus has reached a specific point of stability as determined by your DiClassified Trainer.

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Another secret to DiClassified Drills, is the extensive state work I have built into it. When a person performs the drills with our supervision he experiences a significant increase in two things: state flexibility and state resilience. State flexibility means that a person can flow from one state to another depending on what state is most appropriate or useful for a given context. All of this happens subconsciously and automatically due to an improved intuition and training of effective habits. State resilience means that a person will be able to maintain their focus and not get pulled as easily into sub-optimum states due to fear, rejection or awkwardness. For example, let’s take the drill called “Aikido Spin”. In Aikido spin there’s a “warm” partner and a “cold” partner. The two partners will talk normally for a bit. Then the cold partner will say something to make the warm partner self-conscious. This could be an insult, a rejection or any negative comment about the warm partner. The warm partner is coached to react and relate only to the neutral or positive content of the comment. For example if the cold partner says “your ears are too big,” the warm partner will try to make a neutral comment about ears rather than taking it personally and getting self conscious about

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how he looks. Despite the increasing frictions on his state, he maintains his focus of attention on connecting with positivity to the other partner. So in this drill, we are applying both State Friction #1: Attention Fixation and State Friction #2: Social Pressure in increasing amounts. At first the warm partner may struggle a little bit as his old habits and past experiences come back to haunt him. This is a sign of an untrained focus. But in just a few minutes there is a sudden shift – and it all “clicks” for him. He feels what it is like to hold the correct focus, and once the mind learns a new way of interacting, it lets go of the old dysfunctional patterns of behavior. All of a sudden, the warm partner becomes invincible to those particular state frictions. They are still present, but his focus of attention is “locked” only on those perceptions that help him and bring him closer to his goals. The warm partner’s flexibility is increased as he discovers new ways of interacting with others, and his resilience to state frictions is increased dramatically as he is taught the correct way to focus his attention. It’s like holding your fist wrong for years while hitting a punching bag and always dealing with pain and injuries and then suddenly having a pro coming in and showing you how to hold your

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fist correctly. All of a sudden it feels more natural and you can start hitting much harder without any pain… and all it took was someone making one simple adjustment! The most important thing of all is to have the right environment for this type of work. This should NOT be done in field. There are too many uncontrolled variables. Many people really never understood that a lot of the effort I put into the bootcamp goes into designing the environment! I spent a lot of time teaching the trainers how to create the right environment for powerful personal change and also how to support and guide clients through that change. The environment must be safe, supportive and sympathetic. So by educating our clients to become aware of and gain control over their Focus, State and Expression in a multitude of realistic (and some not-so-realistic) scenarios, with an increasing amount of stress and state frictions, we internalize the Attraction Code for them meanwhile putting their game on autopilot. The behind the scenes mechanics of drills may sound complicated or difficult, but in actual practice it is actually quite effortless. Because we practically walk our clients through the drills while holding their hand (metaphorically, of course) the only thing required of them in order to get great results is to show up!

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T he Hi g h es t Leve l of State Con trol The highest level of state control is no state control. I’ll explain why in minute but let’s go back to the basics. Your state is an overall feeling but is actually comprised of both internal emotion and an accompanying physical feeling. This state guides us and motivates us to do or not do certain things. Your state is determined by your focus and the amount of training or experience you’ve had maintaining it while exposed to the three state frictions. When time is spent in a state it reinforces that state and makes it more and more frequent. People who are angry all the time are that way because they practice an “anger” state every day. They always seem to end up in situations that make them angry. And just like you can be addicted to bad states, you can be addicted to good ones too – like joy, enthusiasm or playfulness. When these positive states are predominant, it makes it harder for the negative ones to creep in… but be careful about being too attached to these positive states. Your attachment to any particular state is ultimately limiting. The very concept of “state” is a static definition. In other words, if you are playful because it’s your habit and you’ve had success with it in the past, you may have a tendency to always default to that state no matter what the situation is.

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And yes, in most cases, it is far more effective than being “sad” in most situations, but remember that pick-up, and life in general is dynamic and requires you to be emotionally flexible. Attachment to a state, even a good one can prevent you from learning a new way of interacting with the world. One thing that I learned from the science of neuro-feedback is that all static states are actually considered dysfunctional. (As crazy as that sounds, just understand that neuro-feedback folks have ridiculously high standards for these things.) When you reach a very high level of personal evolution, all static states will actually start to drop away. You will no longer have attachment to definite states and will flow from moment to moment improvising and creating a wonderful internal reality. You will begin to see new situations for what they are and instead of resorting to a state, you will operate based on the information you have and ultimately your intuition.

Th e Li ttle-Kno wn Con n ection between P i c k-Up and Heavy M etal When thinking about your personal expression, there is analogy that I like to use. It is that of the distorted guitar; the predominant sound in rock and heavy metal. The guitar produces a clean sound. The clear signal is sent through a box which modifies it making it dirtier and fuzzier. Depending on how much distortion you have, the sound coming out of the amplifier may hardly resemble the original sound of the guitar at all.

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Your personal expression is the same.  When you want to express yourself but you are limited by state frictions (i.e. holding back because of social pressure or having a portion of your attention in the past) things come out weird and distorted.  What is truly limiting your expression is actually caused by your own mind and self doubt, but is usually perceived as an outside force.  You may perceive others as judging you, attacking you, holding you down. You feel the urge to do something, to express yourself fully but you fear some kind of repercussion, some kind of judgment or imposed limitation.  You hold back. Your expression is distorted. Distorted expression can come out one of two ways. The first way is that your expression is stifled or inhibited. This will come across timid, weak or just plain strange. The second way is through adopting a persona. There are many different kinds of personas, but they are all masks: they hide your true self, and present a distorted version of your expression.  Personas are really distractions; a guy is playing enough of a character such that he is distracted from the uncomfortable state he is in. (His state is uncomfortable only because he has not trained his focus to deal with the Three Frictions) Personas are masks that we wear when we want to interact with someone, but we fear their disapproval. They are false personalities that we resort to in the face of social pressure. Sometimes a persona will manifest as a ‘shy guy’. This is a timid, weak man

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who is protecting himself from rejection. He talks quietly, and stands too far away when he tries to talk to a group of people. Sometimes a persona can manifest as a player vibe, or a macho act.  A guy can be scared that his true self is not good enough, so he overcompensates. He will put on his ‘player-mask’ or his ‘tough-guy mask,’ or even his ‘Energizer Bunny party-guy mask.’ There are endless masks guys wear. It takes a lot of self-reflection to see what yours is. In the early stages of learning this stuff, I needed the trained eye of mentors to reveal mine to me. The reason why is because personas sometimes feel like “who we are”. Sometimes they have been used for so long that they feel very comfortable. Even though the persona may feel comfortable to the person using it, when they approach a woman or interact with other people in general, it is usually very obvious. Not that the observers are saying to themselves “This guy is using a persona” but instead, they just feel that something isn’t right. There is a very obvious lack of authenticity. And when I say authenticity, I don’t mean being honest, I don’t mean being the “real you” and I don’t mean you are showing your true feelings immediately to a woman. When I talk about being authentic I just mean that you are communicating your pure intention with little interference from your state. You are operating under the Attraction Code and your four elements of personal expression are aligned. When you are communicating in this way people will respond positively. They will react in ways consistent with your intention.

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They will grant you permission to get what you want from the interaction, whatever that may be. This positive social feedback will strengthen your alignment, further your mastery of the Attraction Code, and you will become even more powerful, aligned and congruent. Your communication will improve even more, and so will people’s reactions. This feedback loop continues indefinitely and propels you toward your goals.

T r ans pa r e nc y and F reedom of Ex pression Ideally, your expression should reach a level of transparency. You can think about transparency as being defenseless, exposed, or even naked. You do what you do fully, indifferent to what others think.  You don’t wear a mask to hide your true self. Your expression is completely exposed to the observation and judgment of others.  You don’t defend yourself before others can attack you. You freely express yourself with your language, facial expression and body so that people can feel you fully.  Your personality is naked. When this happens, don’t be surprised if certain people begin to detest or criticize you.  The same thing happens to musicians, artists, actors, and politicians – people who have put themselves out there, expressing themselves fully. People have a love-hate relationship with expressive individuals.  Think of the most attractive, magnetic male performers in history:

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Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, Jimi Hendrix and Jim Morrison all expressed themselves on a level that the average person could not comprehend.  They were totally out there. They were expressive. This is what is so attractive about performers.  They are on stage, totally vulnerable and exposed, and yet they face the world naked, fully expressing themselves, holding nothing back.  This is why women gaze and cheer, cry and faint, try to get backstage and buy posters of male musicians. On the one hand, they are in awe of those who don’t succumb to the same fears that we do. People admire their authenticity, their transparency – it is attractive because it is what we secretly wish to be.  That is why people become critical; they are jealous because they want to express themselves, but just can’t seem to (or don’t know how to) let go and drop their masks.  My hope is that you will continue to let go of your mask. It takes some real strength and dedication, but the rewards are tremendous.

Th e End Re s u lt o f Intern a lizing th e Attr action Code Full realization of the Attraction Code means that your intention is fully expressed in all situations despite the external frictions on your state. And this might seem intimidating, especially if you’ve had trouble in the past. Although you are close to finishing this book, the most important

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determinant of success is the action you take after you read to the end. My hope is that you will take this new understanding of the Attraction Code and begin to integrate it into your everyday life. The biggest benefit of this discipline is that you can always be practicing the Attraction Code even when you’re not out “picking-up”. Are you going to go back to your old ways of doing things? Or are you going to make a decision to take deliberate action and begin to integrate everything you’ve learned over the weeks ahead? I’m not going to lie to you. Although the end result of the Attraction Code is that picking up women is easy, it will take some discipline to get there. You are going to want to re-read this book again and again. I designed it to be understood on multiple levels. Read it again, take notes this time or maybe even try to teach the concepts to a friend. Teaching someone else improves your own understanding of the material, plus you’ll also have a partner on the path with you. After you’ve approached and escalated with a few women, come back and read it a few more times. This time you will see a few more things that you may have missed or understand things on a more abstract level. If you need any help at all, don’t hesitate to contact my team. We love working with people and will do our best to help you reach your goals, however far out of reach they might seem right now. The road to mastery is infinitely long, and whatever level of success you are looking for is available to you, no matter how ambitious it is.

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P atr i c k’s Sto ry 13: Li ber ati o n

  Patrick has been dating a new girl, Sarah, for three weeks.  They had sex on their second date, and have been seeing each other about twice a week since then.  After some great Sunday morning sex, followed by more sleep, Sarah wakes Patrick up.    “So what are we, Patrick?”   Patrick doesn’t want to hear this.  “Baby, it’s Sunday.  No relationship-talk on the Sabbath.”   “Is that what this is?  I don’t want to feel like this is casual sex.”   Patrick realizes this is serious.  Sarah’s feelings are at stake.  He cares about her, and she does hold a special place in his life.  But he’s got a realistic perspective on relationships.  He knows that you can’t rush into a commitment.  For a man, a long term relationship naturally grows out of a sexual connection when there is no pressure and no false promises.  Patrick thinks for a second, ‘how do I tell her this?’ Honesty – that’s been working pretty well so far; it’s only when he tries to manipulate and lie that things go bad. But he has to own it.  He has to come from power – lay it on the line, and let her go, if that’s what she chooses.  Power is

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being exactly who you are. It’s freedom.   Patrick tells her exactly what he thought to himself.  And he adds this:   “You are very special to me, Sarah.  I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.  I wouldn’t make love to you the way I do if you weren’t special to me.  All I know is that I want you in my life, and I want to see you again – and it better be soon, because we have fun together, and you help me relax. I can be myself with you.  Our chemistry is amazing.  And that’s all I want from you for now.  I’m not going to tell you what I think you want to hear.  I can only tell you what I’m feeling.”   They make love again, and it’s more intense and passionate than ever.  Patrick feels closer to Sarah now that he’s not holding anything back from her – there are no secrets or lies separating the two of them.   Patrick doesn’t know how long he’ll be with Sarah.  There’s a possibility that it won’t last. He doesn’t know if he’ll meet another woman and date her as well.  If he meets another woman while he’s with Sarah, he doesn’t know if Sarah will stay with him, as he dates other women.  On the flip side there is the potential that she is the one

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woman that fulfills him completely – to the other point where he does not even desire other women. There is a lot that Patrick does not know – but it’s ok.  One thing he does know is who he is, and what he wants.  In the fall, his new role at work will be his top priority.  His goals, his path, are all he knows.  But how he will get there and who comes with him is ultimately out of his control.    Patrick will learn that there is no formula to keeping a relationship strong.  He will make mistakes. Old habits will creep up time and time again; but his focus on a higher path and his passionate pursuit of his vision will garner attraction from all the women in his life.  Thanks to his indirect education in the Attraction Code, he will never be distracted by a frustrating love life.  The presence of women in his life will allow him to enjoy them without depending on them, and will allow him to focus on other things, now that he’s got this handled.   By being honest with himself and living his truth, he demonstrates strength. It is this strength that will attract women to him, and keep many of them around. They trust him and know that they play a special supportive role in his life.  This is why women stay with him, even if they aren’t his one and only.

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Resources for Further Study

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This book was designed to give you a complete and thorough understanding of attraction and get you well on your way to setting up a framework and lifestyle that is magnetically attractive to women. If you would like a more in-depth education and further your study on this topic, I have a number of other products and live training offerings that might interest you. Dating Diablo is an introductory Audio program that provides a number of ready to use techniques that can be applied to a wide range of pick-up scenarios. You can get more information at: www.VinDiCarlo.com/datingdiablo Flip the Script is a comprehensive system with step by step real-world examples to help you get women chasing you, escalating physically on you and even buying you gifts in order to sleep with you. Enough said. Check it out at: www.FlipTheDamnScript.com

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e The Conversation Cure is a recent discovery I have made on the topic of conversational game. I realized that through a specific set of drills and feedback that I can teach ANY man world-class conversational game no matter what his sticking points are. That’s right. A total CURE: www.ConversationCure.com The DiClassified Drills Bootcamp is the only live training bootcamp currently offered to the general public. Let my DiClassified Trainers do all the work for you and upload the Attraction Code directly into your brain and put your entire pick-up game on autopilot: www.VinDiCarlo.com/drills The NoFlakes! DVD Program will teach you how to turn a pile of flaky phone numbers into a live woman sitting in your bedroom. The NoFlakes! program focuses in on phone game, text game and other forms of follow up game: www.VinDiCarlo.com/noflakes

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[appendix I]

Th e Har d-Co r e Scien ce Behin d Attraction I used to be quite a pick-up snob. In other words, if a guy couldn’t prove himself in the field, I wouldn’t listen to his advice. I suppose I had the right to this attitude, after all, everything that I have taught or used to train my clients was thoroughly tested in real situations. If I had a concept or theory that sounded good, the true test was: “How effective and consistent does it work on real live women?” And better yet “Can an average guy make this work, without years of practice?” In doing the research for this book, however, I took a long hard look at some modern psychology to see if they had any insight that may be related or even valuable to what I’m doing. It turns out, 95% of all the stuff that is written is pretty theoretical and useless, but I did manage to find a few concepts that seemed to describe dominance, or descriptions of behavioral states that consistently sparked attraction in women. Here’s what I found:

Tas k Cu es an d Ex pectation States A task cue is a behavioral cue which demonstrates to others that you are focused on a task. It is an indicator of competence. It is usually a calm, or enthusiastic emotional state, and smooth body mechanics – moving as if you know what you are doing. 

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An expectation state means that you expect a certain result because of past success in that task. This state is what we commonly refer to as confidence.  We will examine the myth of confidence later, but for now, understand that both task cues and expectation cues are outward results of having a dominant mindset. For example, consider a dominant guy who approaches a group of people with a calm, friendly facial expression. The calm and friendly facial expression would be considered a task cue, and his outward appearance of confidence is what would be considered an expectation state – it indicates that he expects to be received well. 

Lo w Ne e d for Social App rova l or n App  The need for social approval, for others to like and accept you, is inversely correlated to social influence.  (Inversely correlated means that when you need for social approval goes up, your social influence decreases; likewise if your need for social approval is low, your social influence increases.) Those who seek approval from others typically perceive themselves as lacking respect, or they fear losing respect, and in general this behavior is a sign of low self-confidence. Seeking personal approval is not only unattractive to women (and people in general) but it is also a psychological jail cell that

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prevents you from being your true self. You will be always monitoring and censoring your behaviors based on the reactions of other people. Dominant self-confident men do not need the approval of others to guide their actions, as this would limit their options. Dominant men never limit their options.

Inter nal Locus of Con trol, or I-LoC When you have an internal locus of control, it means that you perceive outer circumstances as a result of your own actions.  Having a high internal locus, or source of control, means you decide what you do based on what feels right to you.  When you have a high internal locus of control, you do not react to what others think of you, and you never play it safe just so that others will think well of you.  I-LoC is directly correlated to influencing the decisions and actions of yourself and others, i.e. dominance. It doesn’t get much more straightforward than that.  It’s important to look at the opposite end of the spectrum as well. If you have an external locus of control, it means you perceive that you are powerless – that things happen to you and you are subject to the crazy world around you. 

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This worldview will be relevant when exploring female psychology. (for more on the Internal Locus of Control, see Appendix II.)

High Ex troversion  Most of us are already familiar with this. It is common for people to identify themselves as introverted or extroverted.  It is important to really understand extroversion. No one walks into a room and instantly becomes the most socially connected individual in the group.  Extroversion is a personality trait – a cognitive inclination that results in social popularity. It is simply an internal focus on meeting, and interacting with others. It means that you have a positive attitude toward, and find pleasure in other human beings. Don’t worry – you don’t have to be the life of the party.  High extroversion means that you get in touch with and expand your interest in others, and enjoy interacting with them, particularly with women.

Low Neuroticism Neuroticism is the opposite focus of extroversion. It is a focus on yourself, or self-consciousness, which typically leads to inhibition and self-criticism.

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Being self-aware is good for personal growth. Self-reflection is vital to self-improvement. And self-control is the key to dominance.  But focusing too much on yourself, indulging in self-criticism, and worrying about saying the wrong thing in a social situation is not a dominant focus.  Reflect on yourself later, alone, in your journal. Focusing on your flaws during social interactions will lead to what’s commonly referred to as “awkward,” “weird,” or “anti-social” behavior.

Wow. Lot’s of jargon. It’s not important for you to study or even understand all of those terms, I have already done the work for you. By looking at evidence researched the top psychologists in the world, I began to put some of the pieces together – and I discovered some very important clues which led to the formation of Attraction Code. I realized that dominance was less about external behaviors - it is more of an internal state. What this means is that thinking like a dominant man will result in actual, physical, external dominant status with others.  And it’s a cause-effect dynamic that works two ways.  You can either start out in a position which causes people to treat you like a leader, which then causes an internal shift… or you can start by first thinking like a dominant man, until people catch on and subconsciously grant you leadership status.

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[appendix II]

Relati o ns hip of I-LoC to Domin an ce A simple, but extremely revealing study gave profound insight into the nature of dominance. In the mid-60’s a study conducted by E. Jerry Phares examined the outer effect of internal locus of control (I-LoC).  By using subjects with high scores of either internal or external locus control, Phares showed that having high internal locus of control is positively correlated to being more influential with others.  In this study, college women were asked to fill out a short opinion survey concerning campus issues. Phares then had externally and internally controlled deliver arguments against the women’s written opinions.  The women then retook the surveys.  The second scores revealed that the internally controlled men were much more influential, affecting the women’s opinions in a reverse direction significantly more than externally controlled men and the control subjects.  A 1971 study by R. Di Giuseppe supports this. A strong correlation was found in self-reports of the I-LoC subjects (using the Rotter Locus of Control Test), and in the Dominance trait from the Edwards Personality Preference. The experiment went like this. Two groups of guys read a persuasive argument to a group of women. They were both attempting to convince the women of their opposing point of view.  Only the men who had an internal locus of control had a significant effect on the women’s opinions. 

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This means that the men who were self-controlled, simply as an inherent part of their character, were more powerful – they had more influence in this social situation.  The only difference between the two groups of men was in their cognition – they were both trying to control a woman’s thoughts. Only one kind of cognition was influential. Remember “task cues”?  Think about how believing that your actions create reality might affect your behavior.  One group of men walked into the room, unsure of their influence, unsure of what they were about to say. Another group walked in thinking, “Whatever I say, this woman is going to believe it, because I have influence in my world.”  It is not some daunting goal – to believe in yourself, your power and influence. It’s not a matter of hypnotizing some crazy belief into your brain. It’s simply a matter of changing your focus, and making it a habit.

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