Take This Man

Take This Man by Nona Raines

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author‟s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales, is entirely coincidental. Take This Man COPYRIGHT  2011 by Nona Raines All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the author or The Wild Rose Press except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. Contact Information: [email protected] Cover Art by Angela Anderson The Wild Rose Press PO Box 708 Adams Basin, NY 14410-0708 Visit us at www.thewilderroses.com Publishing History First Scarlet Rose Edition, October 2011 Published in the United States of America Trademarks Acknowledgement The author of this work of fiction acknowledges the following trademarks: Barnes & Noble: Barnes & Nobel College Booksellers, LLC BMW: Bayerische Motoren Werke Aktiengesellschaft Corp Food Network: Television Food Network, G.P. GQ: Advance Magazine Publishers Inc L.L. Bean: L. L. BEAN, INC. CORPORATION "Mad Men": American Movie Classics Company LLC Maserati: Maserati S.P.A. Joint-Stock Company Italy Mustang: Ford Motor Company Novocain: H. A. Metz Laboratories, Inc. Weather Channel: The Weather Channel, Inc.

Dedication With many thanks to Denise Como, critique partner extraordinaire, and to all the members of Central New York Romance Writers.

PRAISE FOR AUTHOR

Nona Raines AND HER BOOKS "One Good Man is really a story with depth!... remarkably much more than just a romp with the neighbor when on the rebound story…. Can two people on the rebound help heal each other? Or will past issues and family keep them from finding happiness in this sexy story about how finding yourself in someone‟s arms is as important as standing on your own." ~Four Hearts from "Sizzling Hot Book Reviews" “I‟ve been waiting for Adam‟s story, Take This Man, since reading One Good Man, by author Nona Raines. After Adam Vostek dares Elyse Zemanski into a one-night ménage a trois, their relationship is doomed—and Elyse is gone. Who does Elyse meet when she sneaks back to town to help her best friend? Adam! Once again, Raines takes the reins and delivers with great characters, devious plot, and fantastic dialogue.” ~Sophia Roslyn, Dragonetti‟s Mountain

Chapter One She felt the bed shift as he eased out of it, nude, and padded across the room. Elyse turned to her side, watching through her lashes as he picked up the clothing he‟d draped over a chair and slipped into the bathroom. She closed her eyes for a moment, listening to the water run. Then she slid from beneath the sheet. Once her feet hit the floor, Elyse gathered her own garments, scattered around the cheap carpet of the motel room—panties, short flirty skirt, and glittery top. When she put them on last night, she thought they were sexy. Now they looked sleazy. She wriggled into them and looked for her shoes. No hose. Since it was summer, she‟d gone bare legged. She scanned the floor for her gold strappy sandals with the high heels. Fuck-me shoes. Right. One lay near the dresser, but Elyse couldn‟t locate the other. Screw it. If she had to, she‟d go barefoot. She needed to get out of here. She crept to the bathroom door in her bare feet, and softly knocked. Opening the door, she noted the grungy tiles on the wall and the faded shower curtain. Jason stood at the sink, toweling the water off his face. His pants were on, his chest bare. Earlier that evening, Elyse had been struck by his movie-star good looks—the dark wavy hair, square jaw, and intensely blue eyes. Even now, after all their sexual hi-jinx, he looked like he‟d just stepped off the cover of GQ. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and winced. Unlike Jason, she was a mess. Her blonde hair was a rat‟s nest, her makeup so smeared 1

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she resembled a ghoul. Jason‟s eyes were still sleepy. “Need to use it?” “No. I—can you give me a ride home?” The sleepy blue eyes widened a bit in surprise. “You‟re leaving now?” “Yes, can you take me? Please?” She hated adding that please, hated how needy it sounded. “All right.” He draped the towel over his shoulder. “Sure.” “Thanks.” Her throat was tight, her eyes stung. “I‟ll wait for you outside.” She longed to use the shower, to stand under the hot water and let the sweat and stickiness wash away. How long would it take to make her feel clean again? An hour? A week? A hundred years? At the bedroom door, Elyse spotted her other sandal, under the bed. She hesitated. It was bad enough to make the walk of shame to Jason‟s car in her hootchie outfit. Despite her earlier bravado, she didn‟t want to do it barefoot as well. Eyeing the bed nervously, she crept over and hunkered down to grab her shoe. She gave one last look toward the bed—and the man sleeping in it— then hurried out the door. **** Adam Vostek lay alone on the bed in the no-tell motel. He‟d pretended to sleep as Elyse left with Jason. Adam‟s insides were as twisted as the sheets he lay beneath. This whole threesome thing had been his bright idea, his set-up. He‟d pushed for it, telling himself it was just a lark, a little fun. He‟d be giving Elyse every woman‟s fantasy, two men devoted to her pleasure. Nobody would get hurt. Yeah, right. Vostek, you‟re a lying sack of shit. And a cowardly son of a bitch, besides. If it was such a good idea, why had Elyse looked 2

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like she might burst into tears when he suggested it? If it was so much fun, why had his guts churned as he watched Jason touch her? Why had Adam wanted to pull her out of the other man‟s arms and snarl, “She‟s mine”? But they‟d both gone through with it. And Elyse had chosen to leave with a man she only met tonight, rather than stay with him. He should have stopped her from leaving. Even now, Adam knew he should get out of bed, get dressed, and go after her. Make it better somehow. Ask for forgiveness. Tell her how much he loved her. But he wouldn‟t. For the same reason he‟d maneuvered the others into the whole ménage game. Because he had to make Elyse let him go. And the only way to do that was to make her hate him. **** Elyse stared out the passenger‟s window of Jason‟s sports car. She didn‟t know a Mustang from a Maserati, but she recognized expensive when she saw it. “Nice car.” “Thanks.” Well, that exhausted her store of conversation. What did proper etiquette dictate after the course of a threesome? “Thanks so much. It was lovely. We must do this again sometime.” Not. What could she say that wasn‟t lame? I‟ve never done that before? Like he‟d believe her. Or even care. What difference did it make, anyway? It wasn‟t like they knew each other. Except in the biblical sense. Some sick impulse almost made her laugh at the thought. Jason spoke. “Won‟t he be upset? To find you gone?” Avoiding his gaze, Elyse shrugged. He didn‟t let up. “Are you running away? Is that what this is?” 3

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Elyse clamped her lips firmly together. She didn‟t owe him any explanations. Jason took the hint. He sighed and dropped the subject. “What‟s the address again?” “344 Woodside Lane.” Elyse smirked. Woodside Lane. As though giving the street a countrified name would keep people from noticing they lived in the dumpiest part of Summit, New York. Keep them from noticing the empty storefronts and the broken sidewalks littered with trash. She indicated the turn and had him pull over to the curb. “Here it is, right here.” Jason blinked, gazing at the building. “It‟s a laundromat.” Her reply was short. “I live upstairs.” What‟s the matter, rich boy, not glam enough for you? She hated Jason for his fancy car, for his designer clothes, and for his upper class surprise at her digs. She hated herself for her slutty get-up, crummy neighborhood, and nasty apartment above the SudZee Laundromat. But most of all, she hated Adam, still asleep at the New Moon Motel. The man who, until tonight, she loved without reservation. She swung the car door open and got out, surprised to see Jason emerging from his side. “What are you—look, you don‟t need to—” “It‟s two a.m.,” he told her. “I‟m not letting you go up alone.” “The door‟s right there. I‟ve got my key out. I‟ll be fine.” “You still have to go upstairs.” His voice was firm. “I‟m coming with you.” “Fine.” Let him do what he wanted, it was easier than arguing. It wasn‟t as though she had to worry about 4

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him making a move on her. Been there, done that. Jason accompanied her to the outside door, which she unlocked, then followed her upstairs to her apartment. Elyse unlocked that door as well and stepped inside. “Thanks for the ride.” She tossed the words over her shoulder, dismissing him. She bent to pick up the little tortoiseshell kitten that greeted her, and kissed the top of the cat‟s soft head. “Hi, baby.” Tucking Jezebel in the crook of her arm, Elyse carried her to the bedroom and deposited her on the bed. The kitten curled up. Elyse knew sleep was out of the question—she was too angry, too keyed-up. Her mind raced. Her emotions were a tangle. Reaching under the bed, she pulled out a battered old hard-shell suitcase. She began to fill it with the sad contents of her dresser drawers. “What are you doing?” She jumped, her heart stopping. Jason stood in the doorway. “Why the hell are you still here?” she demanded. “You‟re upset. I wanted to make sure you‟re all right.” “I‟m fine.” She grabbed her collection of paperback fantasy novels from a cheap bookshelf and dumped them into the suitcase as well. “What are you doing?” Jason repeated, stepping into the room. She crammed as much as she could into the suitcase, and struggled to get it closed. Cheap-ass thing. She couldn‟t get it fastened. “Shit.” Her finger got pinched in the metal closure. “Ow! Oh, shit. Fuck!” She jammed the finger in her mouth, sucking, tears stinging her eyes. “Here.” Jason took her by the arm, sat her on the bed. He easily snapped the locks shut, then sat down beside Elyse. They were silent for some time. 5

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Jason‟s neatly manicured hands were stroking little Jezebel, who was curled on a pillow. “Pretty little cat,” he remarked. “Thanks.” Then he sighed. “What are you doing, Elyse?” “Just what you said. Running away.” She glanced at the suitcase. It now contained all her worldly goods. Whatever didn‟t fit inside, she‟d leave behind and never miss. Whoever rented the apartment after her was welcome to them. She didn‟t care if the landlord put them out on the curb. It didn‟t matter. She was leaving the place without proper notice, so she wouldn‟t get her security deposit back. Too bad—she could use the money. She had thirty-six dollars and change in her purse. It wouldn‟t get her very far. Jason spoke. “What about Adam?” Her heart thunked at the mention of his name. “What about him?” “Elyse.” “We‟re over.” Her face felt stiff from the effort to appear calm, from holding back the rage clawing her. Not just rage. Betrayal. “You‟re not going to talk to him?” She shook her head. “No.” I never want to see his face again. “So you‟re just going to up and walk away from everything in your life.” Her life? Elyse wanted to laugh. What life? Working at the Hi-Lite Bakery? Living in this crappy little apartment with the puke-yellow walls? Her life had been Adam and her dreams of a future with him. But that was over now. Jason‟s hand brushed her shoulder. “Listen, hon. You‟re over-reacting, big time.” She flinched, not only from his touch, but from the memory. “Don‟t.” Don‟t touch me. Don‟t talk 6

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about it. He took no offence at her reaction. In a gentle voice he said, “What happened tonight was just a blip on the radar. A little experiment. No big deal. Happens all the time. Just put it behind you, and—” “Can you take me to the bus station?” Jason went still for a time, as though silently counting to ten to summon patience. Before he finished the count, Elyse said “Never mind. I‟ll figure it out on my own. I‟ll take a cab,” then, remembering her meager store of cash, “or walk.” For the first time, Jason‟s temper snapped. “Don‟t be stupid. You‟re not walking anywhere in the middle of the night.” He indicated the kitten curled up on the pillow. “What about your friend? Are you going to leave her here?” “Of course not.” Elyse‟s cheeks burned. In all her half-assed planning, her jumbled brain had completely forgotten poor Jezebel. “I‟ve got a carrier for her somewhere.” The plans kept coming. She had a credit card. She could use it to get a motel room for a week or so in a new place, until she found a job. She‟d make it work out. But Jason insisted on pointing out all the inconvenient facts. “Summit is not New York City. The bus station‟s not open this time of night.” Shit. He was so fucking reasonable. Elyse wanted to punch him. “Then I‟ll hitch-hike. Someone‟s bound to give me a ride.” “Like who, a rapist? A serial killer?” Jason‟s voice was sharp. “Are you out of your mind?” He stood up and sighed. “You‟re determined to be an ass about this, aren‟t you?” Elyse firmed her jaw and said nothing. “Well, then.” He gestured to the suitcase on the bed. “Get your shit. Get the cat. You‟re coming with 7

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me.” Elyse got to her feet, blinking at him. “Huh?” “Get your stuff. I‟m not leaving you alone here to pull God knows what idiotic stunt. You can stay with me tonight, and in the morning I‟ll take you wherever you want to go.” “With you?” “I‟ve got a room at the Hotel Excelsior. You can stay with me there. Don‟t give me that look. You‟re utterly safe with me. We can share the bed. I promise I won‟t touch you.” “No.” “Fine, then.” He rolled his eyes, the gesture of a man using up his last reserve of patience. “You can sleep in a chair. I‟m not giving up the bed—that much of a gentleman I‟m not.” “I mean, no, I‟m not your problem.” “You are now. Look, I‟m exhausted, and not in the mood for these arguments. Now where‟s the cat crate? We‟ll get her in it and go.” He did look tired, his face pale and dark halfmoons hanging under his eyes. And suddenly she realized she was tired, too. “In the closet over there. Does the hotel allow pets?” “We‟ll sneak her in under my jacket or something. Let‟s go.” After stuffing a wriggling Jezebel into her carrier, Elyse turned to the man she‟d slept with, yet hardly knew. She still hated him, even though he was being kind. She still hated herself. And Adam— No. Don‟t think about him. She would erase him from her memory, never think about him again. “I won‟t bother you after tomorrow,” she told him, her voice low. Then she realized it was already tomorrow. “Maybe by then you‟ll come to your senses.” Jason led the way out, carrying her suitcase, while Elyse followed with the cat. 8

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If by that he meant she might change her mind, he was dead wrong. Elyse left the apartment, knowing she would never come back again. As she locked the door, she was sealing up her past and putting it behind her. She knew how to do that. She‟d had lots of practice.

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Chapter Two “I‟m going to Summit for a week or so.” Jason looked at Elyse as she carried two cups of tea into the living room of her tiny apartment. Though it was two years since she‟d left, Elyse never heard the name of her home town without inwardly flinching. Home town? What was she thinking? It had never been home. She‟d never had one, not really. She hoped her friend hadn‟t caught her instinctive response. She tried to cover it with an expression of mild surprise, while setting the cups down on the coffee table. “Really? What‟s the occasion?” Jason visited his family once or twice a year— his “duty” visit, he called it—and they rarely spoke otherwise. He was a disappointment to his family, in more ways than one. “Some birthday or big anniversary? You usually skip those affairs, don‟t you?” Jason preferred to avoid the drama of those family occasions and chose instead to send a tasteful and very expensive gift. “Nothing like that.” His lips turned down in distaste as he looked down at his cup. “What is this?” Elyse went back to the kitchen for the cookies. “Lemon verbena. It‟s good.” “One of those herbal concoctions? Why can‟t you ever serve real tea? Or real coffee, for God‟s sake?” “You‟re over-caffeinated as it is. Don‟t be a baby, go on, try it.” In spite of what once happened 10

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between them, Jason was now Elyse‟s closest friend. There was nothing sexual in their relationship, nor had there been since that one night, two years ago. He brought her to Albany with him when he realized she had no intention of staying in Summit, and no money to go anywhere else. He also revealed his true sexual orientation. Jason looked out for her, helped her find a place to stay, and a job, when she knew no one else in the city. He did all that for her even when she still hated him. She‟d hated everyone at the time, most of all herself. She‟d asked him why, once. Why he‟d helped her when he didn‟t even know her? Had it been out of guilt? “It gave me something to do,” he told her. “Somebody to worry about and take care of. Something to think about besides my own sorry life.” She never would have made it without Jason. Hell, he was her rock. “Well, don‟t keep me hanging,” she told him, setting the dish of chocolate-covered marshmallow cookies on the coffee table. “Something important must be happening for you to go back there. What is it?” “Coop‟s getting a divorce.” Jason‟s announcement was flat and matter-of-fact. Elyse blinked. He‟d tossed her a boulder, and she was flattened. She sank onto the futon. “Cooper Caddiman?” “The one and only,” Jason sighed from his chair. She felt dazed. “What…how…how‟d you hear this?” Jason hesitated, then looked at her. “He told me.” “You‟ve been talking to him?” He nodded, his gaze flickering away. Elyse‟s shock was replaced by a surge of anger. “Have you 11

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lost your mind?” He winced, holding up his palms defensively. “Leelee—” “Don‟t try to get around me with that stupid nickname. I asked you if you‟ve lost your damn mind! Cooper Caddiman? He broke your heart!” “I know, but—” “But what? He told you he loved you, then turned around and got married. To a woman.” Jason‟s face settled into a mask of sadness. “I know.” Elyse backed off. She didn‟t want to add to Jason‟s pain, but she had to keep him from getting hurt again. “He was afraid to come out. It‟s not easy, you know, and especially not to people like his. They‟re very conservative—” “Oh, boohoo.” She ground her teeth. Cooper Caddiman was a sleaze. Not only did he betray Jason, he also married some poor unsuspecting woman who had no idea he who he really was. “That doesn‟t mean he‟s entitled to screw up two people‟s lives, three if you count his.” She was on a roll again. “Which I don‟t, because he‟s an asshole—” “It‟s not working,” Jason interrupted. “The marriage.” “Oh, gee, well, I wonder why.” Elyse grabbed one of the chocolate-covered cookies and took an angry bite. “They‟re splitting up. And I‟m going to go see him.” She shook her head no because her mouth was full. Jason‟s carefully tended eyebrows lifted. “No?” “No,” she told him firmly once she swallowed. “I‟ll tie you down if have to.” “Mmm. Kinky. I might like it.” When Jason smiled, the dimples on either side of his mouth 12

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deepened. It was enough to send even a marble statue‟s heart a-flutter. He was that handsome. His good looks actually went far beyond handsome, into the realm of beautiful. If he‟d been born a few decades earlier, he‟d have made a matinee idol to give Tyrone Power a run for his money. With those startling blue eyes and killer dimples, he was a ringer for a perfect model in some glossy magazine ad for designer jeans or hair gel. Elyse pictured him slouched against a wall pouting and looking bored. I‟m so above all you people looking at this. Even Elyse, who was well aware of his sexual preference, was not completely immune to her friend‟s charms. But she was not about to be distracted by them now. Time to get the discussion back on track. “How long have you been talking to him?” Jason sighed and took a sip of his tea. “Couple months.” “And who contacted who first?” “He did. He sent me an e-mail.” She crammed the rest of her cookie into her mouth, chewed ferociously, and wished instead she was taking a bite out of Cooper Caddiman. Damn him anyway. Jason had moved on, but even two years later that son of a bitch Coop refused to let him go. It would have been easy enough for him to find Jason‟s e-mail address, maybe even locating him through the law firm Jason worked for. “You could have ignored him,” she pointed out. He bowed his head in agreement. “True. But you never completely get over your first love. You should know that.” Elyse stiffened. She wasn‟t going to go there. This was about Jason. “So he‟s getting a divorce, and he wants you back. Is that it?” “He‟s getting a divorce and…we‟re going to 13

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discuss the future.” “No. No, no, no. He‟s going to suck you in and break your heart again. You have to stay away from him,” Elyse pleaded. They were both startled by the sudden appearance of Elyse‟s cat, Jezebel. The tortoiseshell had slipped into the living room and leapt to the arm of Jason‟s chair, rubbing against his sleeve and purring to beat the band. “Jez, get down,” she said. “No, she‟s fine.” He stroked the cat as she settled onto his lap. That was another of Jason‟s charms— he didn‟t object to cat fur on his expensive suit. “I‟m not stupid, Leelee.” He ignored her snort. “I‟m not going into this blindly. I‟m not making any assumptions. Things may not work out. But even if they don‟t, I have to go back and face the past. I‟ve tried running from it for two years. Anyway,” he shifted, crossing his legs, “I didn‟t come here to ask for your approval. I know I won‟t get it.” Elyse crossed her arms over her chest. “Damn right, you won‟t.” He smiled. “It would be easier to take you seriously if you didn‟t have chocolate smeared all over your mouth.” “Shit.” She swiped her fingers across her lips and saw the evidence on them. She rose and grabbed a paper towel from the roll in the kitchen, and scrubbed her mouth furiously. She dropped back onto the futon, glaring at him. Jason pointed to a spot of chocolate she missed. “I don‟t know how you can eat those things. They‟re disgusting.” She crossed her arms over her chest again and gave him a mean look. “Shut up. I‟m mad at you.” “Because I insulted your cookies?” “No, because you‟re being stupid, and you‟re gonna get hurt again.” 14

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He set his cup on the coffee table. “Well, since you object so strenuously, maybe you‟ll come with me.” The breath whooshed out of Elyse‟s lungs. He‟d landed another boulder. “What?” “Come with me. You can be my faithful watchdog, make sure I don‟t do anything stupid.” She huffed. “You need a watchdog. Preferably a big one, who‟d tear a chunk out of Coop‟s ass.” Jason winked at her, his dimples flashing. “You‟re no mastiff, but you‟ll do. Come with me.” He was serious. Elyse‟s heart thumped hard against her breastbone. She shook her head. “No. If you‟re going to screw up your life, I‟m not going to be a witness.” “Bullshit.” His voice snapped the air like glass cracking. She gaped at him. “It‟s not about me,” he told her. “You‟re scared. You have as much baggage from the past as I have, back there in dear old Summit.” Sweat broke out along her hairline. She never allowed herself to think about that part of her past. She‟d kept herself too busy the past two years to dwell on it. But Jason was right. Part of her had never let go of that pain. Though she often told herself it was over and forgotten, Elyse knew it wasn‟t true. But the lie was easier, and safer. “I‟m over him.” “Again, bullshit.” Jason‟s blue eyes were like lasers as he leaned forward, unsettling the cat. “You are so not over Adam Vostek.” He flicked his hand to indicate her tiny apartment. “You‟ve entombed yourself in this charming place—” “Entombed? That‟s crazy.” “Look around. A lousy little furnished place with crappy furniture and no personal touches, nothing. Not even pictures on the wall. Nothing to show that 15

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Elyse Zemanski lives here. It‟s as Spartan as a nun‟s cell.” “I don‟t like clutter. I‟m not attached to stuff.” Growing up, she had taught herself not to get too attached to anything, since she never knew where she‟d be from one day to the next. That was life with Sunny, her mom. With her grandmother, her life had been more stable. But the woman had shown nothing but a cold sense of duty toward her out-of-wedlock granddaughter. Elyse was living proof of her mother‟s sinful lifestyle. Everything given by Grandma Wanda was given grudgingly, and accepted just as grudgingly by Elyse. Again, not a conducive atmosphere for forming attachments. “That‟s right,” Jason was saying. “The only thing you‟re attached to is the cat.” Jez jumped onto Elyse‟s lap, as if to prove the point. She stroked Jezebel‟s soft fur, wincing a bit as the cat lightly pricked her thighs with outstretched claws. “You have no life outside this self-imposed prison cell,” he told her. “I have a life. I work—” “You work at a job you hate, with people you don‟t like.” True enough. Her job sucked. Working as a cashier at the SaveMart wouldn‟t be so bad if she wasn‟t stuck with an overbearing asshole of a manager. Chester was the kind of guy who made himself important by nitpicking and belittling the other employees, even in front of the customers. The workers wavered between resentment and fear, afraid that speaking up might cost them their jobs. It made for a pretty miserable workplace. Elyse had been squirreling money away, promising herself she‟d leave. But something kept her from taking the next step. 16

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Still, she wasn‟t stagnating completely. “I‟m taking courses.” Though that wasn‟t much comfort. She could afford no more than one or two classes per semester, so she‟d be about forty by the time she earned her business degree. “Your college courses are online. You go to work, come home, and sit in front of the computer in this little cracker box. When do you ever go out and have fun, except when I drag you?” “I go out,” she murmured, in her agitation stroking the cat so firmly that Jezebel complained. She went to the post office, to the local bank, to a coffee shop within walking distance. And she ran five miles every day. That counted as getting out, didn‟t it? Jason was closing in, not about to let her off the hook. “Look at yourself. You‟re twenty-three years old, you‟ve got a knockout face and a great body and look at how you‟re dressed.” Elyse glanced down at herself. She had on a button-down blouse and a pair of jeans. What was the problem, for God‟s sake? Just because the jeans didn‟t have some famous name on the butt— “Where do you get your clothes, anyway, the Salvation Army?” Her temper flared. “Not all of us can afford to buy designer fashions at expensive boutiques, you know.” He brushed that aside. “And for God‟s sake, when was the last time you had your hair done?” Her blonde mane was pulled into a ponytail at the back of her head. “It‟s easier this way.” “Lazier, you mean. You dress like a middle-aged woman. You hide behind these four walls and those frumpy clothes. Face it, Leelee. You‟re as stuck in the past as I am.” Elyse‟s face burned. She let go of Jez, who 17

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hopped off her lap to attack a toy mouse lying on the floor. She looked around her apartment, seeing it with new eyes. Jason was right—it did look Spartan; in fact, downright barren. What had she really accomplished in the last two years? Looking at it now, she realized she‟d been spinning her wheels. But she didn‟t have the guts to do anything about it. She wasn‟t as brave as Jason. “Elyse.” His voice was quiet. “Come with me. Quit your job. You‟ve been threatening to for months, and it‟s just making you bitchy, anyway.” She made a face at him. “Thanks.” “Bring your laptop with you, and you can keep up with all your college crap.” “My education is crap. Nice.” She rolled her eyes. “All you need is internet access, which you can find at any coffee house or library. And before you offer any more lame excuses,” he added when she again opened her mouth, “let me just say that I will foot the bill for all of the travel expenses.” Elyse bristled at the way he brushed aside the inconvenience of her poverty with just a wave of his hand. “I‟m not your charity case, Jason.” “Calm down,” he answered in a languid voice. “If it makes you feel any better, you can go steerage. While I‟m in first class, you can ride underneath the bus with the luggage.” She snorted, not only from imagining herself bumping around with the suitcases beneath the bus, but from knowing that Jason Devereaux wouldn‟t be caught dead using any kind of public transportation. “There is no first class on the bus,” she informed him. He shrugged. Elyse wanted to wipe the satisfied little smile off his face. All her excuses had been cover-ups, and Jason knew it. 18

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She wasn‟t about to fess up to the real reason she didn‟t want to return to Summit. She couldn‟t face Adam Vostek again. Maybe Jason was ready to face his past, but Elyse was in no way up to dealing with hers. She didn‟t need to tell him that, either. She shook her head helplessly. “I can‟t.” She was ashamed of how weak and frightened her voice sounded. “Leelee.” She lifted her head and looked at her friend. His smirk was gone. He was showing her the real Jason, the one who‟d been hurt, the one without the smooth veneer, without artifice. “Please come with me. I wasn‟t kidding when I told you I need someone to look out for me. I don‟t know what‟s going to happen with Coop, and I need you to help me keep my head straight. As for the rest of it…” He sighed. “You don‟t have to do anything you don‟t want to.” Her shoulders sagged with relief. He was giving her an out. A choice. She had a choice two years ago, too. A choice that brought an end to all her hopes and dreams. Adam hadn‟t loved her. If he had, he never would have wanted to share her. Jason was still watching her, still waiting for an answer. She owed him, big time. How could she refuse him now? She nodded. “I‟ll come.” He grinned and got out of his seat to hug her. She smiled, only half-listening to his instructions, his plans, when they‟d leave, and where they‟d stay. He kissed her cheek, and she followed him to the door, where he gave her a wink and a little wave. Jason the charmer, once again. Elyse kept her smile pasted on until he was gone and the door was closed behind her. 19

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Her insides twisted into knots and would remain that way throughout her time “back home.” It didn‟t matter. She‟d tough it out for Jason. Not because she owed him, but because she loved him.

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Chapter Three Leave it to Jason to make things happen. Elyse quit her loser job and a few days later accompanied her friend back to their home town, where it all began. On her first morning back in Summit, she went for a run. Before she realized it, her feet carried her to the old neighborhood where she used to work. The Hi-Lite Bakery. She remembered the glass case displaying the jelly doughnuts and the oldfashioneds that customers loved. Cinnamon buns and bear claws. The mouth-watering smells of baking bread and freshly brewed coffee. But the Hi-Lite was gone. Something called Get Nailed had taken its place. Sweating and panting from her run, Elyse peered into the window at the masked nail technicians performing mani-pedis. She was surprised at the cold lump of disappointment in the pit of her stomach. But she wasn‟t disappointed because she was hungry for a cinnamon bun. It had nothing to do with missing her old job, schlepping coffee and jelly doughnuts to impatient customers. The Hi-Lite was where she met Adam for the first time. Elyse had been behind the counter that morning, when he came in for coffee. That first time, there had been no conversation other than taking his order—but she definitely noticed him. Something lit up inside her as soon as she looked at him. Adam had noticed her, too. He came in for coffee every morning after that, chatting with her when the early rush was over. Before long, they began 21

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dating—shortly thereafter, they became exclusive. She‟d fallen in love with Adam so quickly, it left her dizzy. Elyse shook her head. What was the saying? “If something seems too good to be true, it usually is?” That was how it had been with Adam. She was so sold on him, so totally in love, she‟d have done anything he asked. She‟d been completely trusting. And completely blind. “Excuse me.” A girl with purple hair and a pierced nose paused in front of her, and Elyse realized she was blocking the door. “Sorry.” She stepped aside. Still cooling down after her run, she walked to the end of the block. As she waited for the crosswalk sign to give her the okay to cross, she loosened up with some stretches. Elyse was disgusted with her own stupidity. What was she trying to accomplish, poking at old sores by toddling around her old haunts? Had she been hoping to see Adam? Thinking he might still visit the Hi-Lite every morning for his black, no sugar? How fucked up was she? As she waited for the light to change, her gaze drifted to the Hamburger Haven on the other side of the street. A red truck with the words “Vostek Brothers Lawn Service” in white lettering was parked near the side entrance of the restaurant. With her heart banging in her chest, Elyse crossed the street. Her feet slowed, and her eyes remained glued to the truck. It felt surreal. Had her thoughts about Adam had somehow conjured him? It might not be him. Matthew, his brother, could be driving. One of the Vosteks was inside the restaurant, ordering breakfast. She should leave now, get away. But Elyse couldn‟t leave—her feet were fixed to the pavement. 22

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She waited. A woman came out with two children. A heavy man with a mustache held the door for them, then went in. Then it was him. Adam. With a small bag in one hand, and a cup of coffee in the other. A large coffee, black, no sugar. Elyse remembered. Hurrying to his truck, he didn‟t see her. Popping the truck lock, Adam opened the door and climbed in. As he pulled the door shut, his head turned her way. Elyse‟s breath caught. He looked at her, but it didn‟t seem to register. He started the truck, checked his mirrors, and began backing out. Her stomach curdled with disappointment—he hadn‟t recognized her. Then another possibility occurred to her—maybe he had recognized her, and turned away. You don‟t exist to me anymore. Surprising, how much it hurt. But hadn‟t she given him exactly the same treatment the night she left Summit with Jason, the night she left without a word? That was different, though. Wasn‟t it? Still backing up, Adam looked out the back window, to the left and right. This time he blinked, put his foot on the break. Stared at Elyse. A car trying to get in the lot beeped its horn, and Adam pulled his truck back into its space. The car moved past. Adam cut the truck‟s motor and sat there behind the wheel. Just sat. Elyse finally got her feet to move. They moved in the direction of his truck of their own volition, without any direction from her brain, which was still trying to emerge from its fog. Adam opened his door and slipped out of his seat. “Hey.” “Hi.” Her voice was breathless. She selfconsciously pushed a strand of hair from her face. This would be how they‟d meet after two years. She 23

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must look quite a sight—in her running clothes, sweaty, red-faced, her hair limp and messy. He was perhaps a bit thinner than he used to be, but otherwise Adam hadn‟t changed. His broad shoulders, suntanned skin, even the crinkles at the corners of his eyes were all thanks to the outdoor labor that was part of his job. He still looked so good to her. Though Adam did not rival Jason in runway model perfection, it was his masculine imperfection that always turned Elyse on—the long nose, the heavy eyebrows looming like storm clouds over his brown eyes, the square chin. His dark hair was a bit too long—he‟d always been haphazard about haircuts—and swept back from his high forehead. As she gazed at him, Elyse felt the familiar longing shiver through her. The same as it had always been. Oh, no. This isn‟t good. Adam waited a moment, then shook his head as though he too thought the whole situation surreal. “I didn‟t think it could be you.” “Yeah, I…” She shrugged. “Yeah.” Again, an awkward pause. “Visiting?” “Yes,” she answered quickly. “For a little while, I‟m not sure yet how long. I‟m here with…” She let the sentence hang unfinished, suddenly not wanting to mention Jason‟s name. Something flickered in Adam‟s eyes as her words trailed off, and his demeanor cooled. Elyse‟s own temper prickled as she guessed what he was thinking. What right did Adam have to judge her? She‟d left without a word, true. But it was because of him. And it wasn‟t like he tried to track her down. Never even called her, for God‟s sake. He didn‟t give a damn. “I stopped by the Hi-Lite.” “It closed. A few months back.” “I saw, yeah. So you get your coffee at the old 24

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Haven now, huh?” “Yeah.” They had nothing to say to each other. Or maybe too much to say, and silence was their only means of self-protection. Elyse felt numb and utterly defeated. “Well.” Eyes lowered, she stepped back, preparing to leave. “You still with Jason?” His tone was sharp, accusing. Her gaze flew to him. Adam‟s face was expressionless, but the tautness of his jaw and the narrowing of his eyes bespoke his anger. “I know you left with him that night. And when I went to your place the next day, you and the cat were gone. Devereaux just happened to leave town at the same time,” he told her. “It didn‟t take Sherlock Holmes to put it together.” Elyse‟s mouth fell open. “You went to my place? What for?” Adam lifted a shoulder. “What difference does it make now?” She felt as though she‟d been struck between the eyes with a two by four. He‟d stopped by her place. What did that mean? And if he‟d been upset to find her gone, why had he never tried to contact her? He was speaking again. “It didn‟t take you long to make your choice, did it? Guess I can‟t blame you, though. A rich lawyer versus some work-a-day chump, what‟s to choose, right?” Now she felt as if he‟d punched her in the stomach. He thought she was an opportunist who‟d gone off with Jason because he had more money. After everything they‟d once been to each other, Adam thought she was a gold-digger? Hurt and rage surged through her, and she opened her mouth to defend herself. But…no. Let him think the worst. They were nothing to each other now. His opinion of her didn‟t matter. 25

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“You‟re right.” She forced herself to maintain a cool gaze. “It was no contest. And yes, I am here with Jason.” Adam‟s mouth lifted in a smirk. “So where is he? Don‟t tell me your knight in shining platinum deserted you to wander the streets alone.” “We‟re not attached at the hip,” she snapped. “He has personal business to take care of.” “Family shit? And he didn‟t want you around?” Adam‟s smirk turned mean. “What‟s the matter, don‟t his mommy and daddy approve of his girlfriend? Your blood not blue enough?” She wasn‟t about to spill the beans concerning Jason and Coop. Elyse knew Adam had no idea about Jason‟s sexual orientation, and it certainly wasn‟t her job to inform him. Time to say goodbye. This conversation had become nothing but an exercise in humiliation. “Yep, you‟re right. You‟re absolutely right. His high-toned family doesn‟t want anything to do with a worthless piece of trash like me. Hey, don‟t let me keep you, you‟re a busy man. I‟ll be on my way. Maybe I can pick up a trick on the corner or something.” She turned on her heel to storm off. “Shit,” he growled, grasping her upper arm. “Wait—” She knocked his hand away. “Don‟t fuckin‟ touch me.” An older couple emerging from the restaurant stopped to gape at them in alarm. Great. They were causing a scene. “Shit,” Adam repeated. “Elyse, I‟m sorry.” “Okay.” She couldn‟t look at him. “Me, too.” Jesus, how embarrassing. “Let‟s—” The older man‟s wife started hustling him away, probably murmuring something to the effect of Don‟t get involved with those two maniacs. “Let me take you back to…wherever you‟re 26

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staying,” Adam said. “You‟ve got to get to work. I can get back on my own.” “For God‟s sake,” he sighed. “I feel like enough of a prick already. Could you please let me do this for you?” She hesitated a moment longer, then agreed. He came around to the passenger side of the truck, and helped her into the high seat. His hand, warm on her elbow, spread heat throughout her body, spiraling through her breasts and pulsing between her legs. Elyse sat with her thighs clenched. It was all too much—his touch, his smell, his presence. Get a grip, girl. They pulled out of the parking space and Adam hesitated, waiting for instructions. “We‟re at the Excelsior.” Elyse held her breath, waiting for some smart-ass remark about staying at the ritziest place in town. But Jason enjoyed his luxury, and he was footing the bill. No cheap motel near a strip mall for him. They drove in silence. Adam squinted at the road in concentration. After a bit, Elyse looked down at herself and began to laugh. Adam‟s eyebrows rose and he glanced at her in concern. “What is it?” “I was just thinking.” She gestured to her attire, her usual running gear of shorts and baggy T-shirt. “If I really was going to pick up a trick, I don‟t think I‟d have much luck in this get-up. I‟d make a pretty low-rent hooker.” It wasn‟t even funny, but she was getting punchy. She was overwhelmed by all the emotions assailing her in so brief a time. “You look good, whatever you wear,” Adam told her, his voice low, his eyes still focused on the road. “You always have.” 27

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Her laughter dried up. “You‟re a runner now, huh?” he asked. “Yes. I took it up after I…” She let the sentence trail off. After she left Summit. Everything seemed to circle back to that night. There was no more talk the rest of the ride. Adam pulled the truck into the hotel‟s drive. The big red four-wheel-drive truck looked out of place among the shiny high-end SUVs and sedans in the parking lot. The motor idled while Elyse opened the door and gave Adam a last look. She wanted to say something, something momentous, like a character in a movie. But of course, her mind went blank. “Thanks for the ride.” If it had been a movie, Adam would have said something, too. Called her name. Something. Anything. But all he did was nod silently. Elyse climbed down from the cab and shut the door, heading for the hotel entrance. She didn‟t look back. **** Adam stood at the counter in the sandwich shop, waiting for his ham and cheese sub. He‟d been in a daze all morning, absolutely for shit at work, ever since running into Elyse. The minute he set eyes on her, all the old pain and anger came roaring back. And then he had to go and be the world‟s biggest asshole. Shit. She was still with Devereaux. After all this time, why should that burn a hole in his gut? Christ, he was the one who got them together. He wanted to drive her away. Mission accomplished. In spades. He never figured she‟d take off though, leave town. With Jason. What had he expected? That was the problem. He hadn‟t been thinking at all. He‟d been reacting— reacting to the churning fear in his gut. “I love you, Adam.” 28

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He still remembered the night Elyse said those words—and the panic they stirred in him. “I‟m not going to rush you,” she had said. “I just want you to know I‟m not going anywhere. I know one day you‟re going to tell me you love me, too.” But she was wrong. He never did. By the time he manned up and faced his feelings for her, she was long gone. “Here you are, sir.” The kid behind the counter, who looked about fifteen, rang him up and handed him the paper-wrapped sub. The “sir” made Adam feel old and even more morose. He‟d been so distracted by his thoughts, he forgot to tell the kid to put extra hot peppers in the sandwich. With a scowl, he turned and headed toward the door. Before he got there, a hand on his arm stopped him. “Hey, you.” It was Kim Hansen, his…well…he didn‟t know how to define her. They were friends. They also slept together off and on. Adam shied away from the term “fuck buddy” because he genuinely liked Kim. But he didn‟t consider her his girlfriend. There was nothing wrong with Kim. She was nice looking, with a slim shape and long brown hair. She had a cute freckled face, and a funny little space between her front teeth that showed every time she smiled. Of course he‟d run into her today, when his mind was consumed with Elyse. Yeah, he was batting a thousand for sure. “Hi, uh, hey…what‟re you doing here?” His face got hot as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Duh. Kim grinned at the too obvious question. “Same thing you are. Grabbing some lunch before my shift.” “Uh, yeah. The coffeehouse, right?” At least, he thought that was her latest gig. She never kept a job 29

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for long, due to boredom, or an inability to put up with what she referred to as “petty shit.” “Yeah. Listen, you want me to grab some takeout before I come by tonight? I‟ll bring Chinese.” Adam was caught short. “Huh?” Suddenly he remembered they‟d talked about her to coming to his place today after work. These dates usually involved a few beers, maybe something to eat, and an hour or so in bed before Kim headed home. Shit. He wasn‟t up for it tonight. “Excuse me…” Someone jostled past him. The shop was filling up with lunchtime customers and was getting crowded. He edged away from the growing line of people, which pushed him closer to Kim. “Ah, you know…let‟s do it another time…” Adam turned his gaze on the door, wishing he could dematerialize and escape Kim‟s probing stare. “What? Why?” Of course she‟d want an explanation. Kim wasn‟t the kind to meekly let the matter drop. “It‟s just, uh, tonight‟s not good…” Kim frowned at him, and he knew she knew he was bullshitting her. A few of the people in line looked at them curiously. He exhaled deeply and made a decision. “Look, we need to talk. Get your sandwich and meet me in my truck, all right? I‟m parked right out front.” She didn‟t bother with lunch, but followed him directly out to the sidewalk. “What is it?” she demanded. Adam balked for a moment, taken aback by how pale her face was. “Let‟s get in the truck.” They needed some privacy. She shook her head, oblivious to the passersby on the street. She looked almost scared. But no, that couldn‟t be. “No. I‟m not getting in the truck. Don‟t fuck with me. Just tell me what it is.” 30

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What he said next surprised the both of them. “I think we should take a break.” “A break?” She looked like he‟d sucker-punched her. “Yeah. I just—” Shit. He was fucking this up. He didn‟t want to hurt Kim, but he knew from the dumbfounded look on her face he was doing exactly that. Her look of surprise vanished and her mouth twisted with contempt. “Get over yourself, Vostek. Break from what? From screwing? „Cause that‟s basically all we do together, isn‟t it? Or do we actually have a relationship that I‟m not aware of?” Adam had nothing to say. He knew his announcement was completely out of the blue, and he suddenly realized how much he had taken Kim for granted. Maybe she wanted more with him than hanging out and getting busy. Call him clueless. Yeah, he was an asshole. But he‟d made the right decision. If he slept with Kim tonight, he‟d be imagining she was Elyse. And she deserved better. Hell, maybe he did, too. Adam suddenly felt as though the earth shifted under his feet. In cooling things with Kim, he recognized he was making another decision. He didn‟t want to be with anyone but Elyse. Kim‟s fists were planted on her hips. “And I guess I‟m supposed to wait by the phone for you to call when you decide the break is over. Dream on.” She turned away, ready to storm off, then whirled back at him in a fury. “You‟re a real chickenshit, aren‟t you Vostek?” He stood there like a lunk while she raged at him, knowing he deserved it, knowing there was no way to defend himself. “You want to be a lonely pathetic fuck your whole life, don‟t you? Well, go for it. But in case you 31

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ever change your mind, do not come running to me.” Her forefinger was a gun pointed at his face. “Are we clear?” Yes, ma‟am. “Clear,” he croaked. “Good.” She turned away once more, only to swivel back and grab the sub sandwich from his hand. She smacked the hell out of him with it, whapping him on his head and shoulders. The wrapper tore and bread, cold cuts, and shredded lettuce flew through the air and fell onto the sidewalk. Satisfied, she thrust what was left of the sandwich into his hand and stalked off. Adam flicked a slice of tomato off his shirt. All right. He had it coming. People inside the shop and those happening by were staring, their faces reflecting curiosity, alarm, or amusement. A couple of women who witnessed the entire scene glared at Adam like they wanted to finish what Kim started. For the second time in one day, he had created a public scene. Good goin‟, Vostek. He stuffed the remains of his lunch in a trash can and got into his truck. He knew when to beat a hasty retreat. But he still didn‟t know what to do about Elyse.

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Chapter Four Elyse and Jason sat at a picnic table outside Daddy‟s Bar-B-Q, eating lunch. The aromas of smoky barbecue and hot grease enveloped them. “I didn‟t expect you back so soon.” She squirted some ketchup on her French fries. “I figured you‟d be occupied all day.” She allowed a bit of snark to creep into her tone. She still thought it was a bad idea for Jason to go back to his old boyfriend. Jason lifted an eyebrow. “Be nice,” he purred. He was dressed casually but impeccably, as always. Today it was preppy chic—he might have stepped right out of an L.L. Bean catalog. It was a marvel how he managed to eat a sloppy pulled pork sandwich without getting even a speck of sauce on himself. Elyse, though she‟d stuffed a wad of napkins in her neckline, still succeeded in getting mustard down her front. “Coop‟s meeting with his attorneys this afternoon, so he‟ll be busy the rest of the day. He wants us to have dinner, though. I told him to call me, and I‟ll let him know what my plans are.” He looked at Elyse, a question in his expression. “I don‟t need you to babysit me,” she informed him. “You go ahead and do whatever you like.” “I dragged you along on this trip,” he said. “I don‟t want you to feel I‟m abandoning you.” “I don‟t feel abandoned. After all, you‟re here eating lunch with me, after which I am going to whip your ass at miniature golf.” Daddy‟s offered not only barbecue and soft-serve, but an impressive miniature golf course as well. 33

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“In your dreams.” Elyse chewed a bite of her hot dog, the spicy mustard tingling on her tongue. “So tell me,” she said once she swallowed, “how did your breakfast with Coop go?” “Well, he didn‟t choke to death on his English muffin, if that‟s what you‟re hoping to hear.” Jason‟s tone was sardonic. She snapped her fingers in mock disappointment. “Darn it.” Not that she actually wanted Coop dead. She only wished he‟d decide to move to Tibet and become a monk. Or maybe get abducted by aliens, and become some three-eyed Martian‟s pet. Jason turned serious. “Actually, it went well. Coop‟s sorry about hurting Debra, but he realizes it was wrong to marry her in the first place. This divorce is best for both of them.” “Uh-huh.” Elyse tried to keep the judgment out of her voice. Jason knew how she felt. Now he needed someone to listen. “He‟d like to keep things as civil as possible. Mediation, if Debra agrees to it.” She nodded. “That sounds like the best option.” She waited. “Is he being honest about why he really wants the divorce?” Jason stiffened and her heart sank like a cement block. “He doesn‟t want to get me involved. Things might get messy.” “He doesn‟t have to involve you to admit he‟s gay.” Elyse didn‟t understand it. How could a man as intelligent as Jason, as worldly and aware, be so damn stupid when it came to Cooper Caddiman? She pressed on. “Don‟t you think he owes it to his wife to tell the truth? So she doesn‟t think it‟s something she did wrong?” “He‟s not blaming her,” Jason insisted. He wiped his mouth with a napkin, and pushed the remainder 34

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of his sandwich aside. “I told you, he‟s trying to keep things friendly.” “It won‟t stay friendly if she learns the truth from somebody else. If Coop can‟t tell her he‟s gay, does it mean he can‟t even admit it to himself?” Jason gave a defeated sigh. “I didn‟t say we‟d worked everything out.” “I know you don‟t want to hear all this,” Elyse told him. “But remember, you asked me to come along to help you keep your head on straight.” “I know.” “I just don‟t want him to think he can keep you on the side, his dirty little secret. You deserve better.” “I know. But it‟s not that easy—” “You keep saying that. But you did it. Other people do it. It‟s not like he has to worry about losing custody of his kids. There are no kids. This is his chance to be up front and honest, finally, and he‟s—” “I know. I know.” Jason held up his hand to forestall her from saying more. “Sorry.” Shit. She‟d told herself not to harangue him. But damn it, she was worried. She didn‟t trust Coop. “No, don‟t be.” Jason smiled, but it was strained. “You‟re right. Which goes to show it‟s a good thing you came along with me.” He frowned. “Coop and I have a lot to discuss over dinner tonight.” “Come to think of it,” he said a moment later, his face enlivening with mischief, “I‟m not the only one who met with an old flame today, am I?” Elyse groaned. Jason had texted her this morning while she was having a weak moment. She confessed in her return message to running into Adam. “It was awful,” she admitted. “We were horrible to each other, nearly had a public fight.” She let go a breath. “He thinks we‟re a couple. You and me.” 35

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Jason‟s eyes widened. “Well, you told him the truth, didn‟t you?” “No.” Elyse got pissed off all over again, remembering Adam‟s accusations. “He thinks I dumped him because you have more money. Like I‟m some greedy bitch. The stupid ass. He thinks I‟m the bad guy,” she said. “Can you believe that?” If she expected Jason to look outraged on her behalf, she was disappointed. “And you think he is.” She blinked in uncertainty. “Well, yeah.” Her friend let go a sigh. “Maybe there are no bad guys. Just a lot confused people.” But Elyse didn‟t buy that, and said so. “I was there, too, honey,” he reminded her. “But you don‟t hate my guts.” She lowered her eyes to her half-eaten hot dog. “That‟s different.” I wasn‟t in love with you. “You should have told him the truth about us, Leelee.” “Come on,” she scoffed. “I‟m not going to out you at a burger joint in the middle of town.” “What do I care? Tell the whole world I‟m a big ol‟ queer—it makes no difference to me.” And that was the difference between Jason and Coop. Jason lived in the truth, while Cooper huddled in the closet. Her friend had suffered for his honesty—his family had not dealt at all well with the news of his sexual orientation. In fact, they dealt with it by pretending they never heard it. Though not actually banishing their son…why, after all, cause an unpleasant scene?…they distanced themselves from him as much as possible. Which was fine with him. Elyse felt humbled, thinking about the choices Jason had made to become his “authentic self.” Compared to him, she seemed backward, bogged down by memories of the past and fear of the future. 36

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Too much thinking. Her head was starting to throb. She finished off her meal in a few quick bites while Jason stole her remaining french fries, and then said, “Let‟s go play mini golf. It‟s time for me to kick your ass.” **** That evening Jason went off to have dinner with his precious Coop, and Elyse sat alone in her hotel room. She wasn‟t really hungry, but decided to pop out to get a salad—something healthy, to make up for lunchtime‟s barbeque bust-out. Someone knocked at her door. It could only be Jason. Damn it, Coop must have flaked out on him, for him to be back already. Elyse hurried to open the door, ready to console her friend. Adam stood in the threshold. “What are you doing here?” Her heart slammed in her chest. “I wanted to say I‟m sorry.” He shifted from one foot to the other. “I shouldn‟t have been such a prick before.” “You didn‟t have to come here for that. You already apologized.” His shoulders twitched uneasily, and then straightened. He met her stare dead on. “I wanted to do it right this time.” Elyse gazed at him. He no longer had on the work boots, jeans, and company-logo-emblazoned Tshirt he wore this morning. He had gone home, showered and shaved, and changed into black dress pants and a long-sleeved button-down shirt. Elyse caught the whiff of something woodsy, some kind of after-shave or cologne. His hair was still a bit damp. “Are you on your way somewhere?” she asked. He blinked at her. “No.” So he‟d done all that, just to come over to apologize. Elyse felt something soften inside her. Even as part of her was screaming No, don‟t do it! 37

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she stepped back, out of the doorway. “Come on in.” Adam stepped inside and briefly glanced around the room, his discomfort as apparent here as in the hall. “I thought you and Devereaux would be sharing a room.” The corner of his mouth lifted. “What‟s the matter, does he snore? Or do you hog the bed?” “You tell me,” she snapped. She should have known she and Adam couldn‟t occupy the same space and have a civil conversation. Not anymore. “It wasn‟t that long ago we shared a bed. If I remember right, you were the one that took up most of the space. And snored.” She glared at him. “Shit,” he muttered, his mouth twisting down, his hands curling into fists at his side. “I did it again. Fuck, I‟m sorry. I should have never come. I should go.” He looked at her, his cheeks dark with embarrassment. “I am sorry. Really.” “Wait a minute.” The same part of her that warned not to invite him in now cried, Let him go, Elyse. Please, let him go. But of course she ignored it. “Jason and I aren‟t sharing a room because we‟re not together. We‟re not a couple. We‟ve haven‟t been since…” since that night. Actually, they were never a couple. But Elyse wasn‟t ready to explain that to Adam. Even if Jason had said he didn‟t mind her letting Adam know that he was “a big ol‟ queer,” she still didn‟t feel it was her secret to tell. She‟d already told Adam enough—more, even, than he deserved to know. But why? Did she want him to have a higher opinion of her? What for, when he already had her pegged as a gold digger? “We‟re friends now,” she told him. “Very close friends.” Adam lifted his eyebrows. “Very close.” “Yes.” Elyse gritted her teeth, ready to shove him out the door if he made one more smart-assed 38

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comment. “As a matter of fact, Jason is my best friend.” Adam curled and relaxed his fingers. He looked at her sideways. “I used to be your best friend.” “I thought so once, yeah,” Elyse said. “But now I know we were never really friends.” He actually looked hurt. “I want to be,” he said, his voice soft. “I want to be your friend now.” She couldn‟t have answered even if she‟d known what to say. Her throat was as dry as straw. “Have you eaten already?” he asked. She shook her head. “Have dinner with me tonight.” He shifted nervously, as though afraid she might refuse. She should refuse. They couldn‟t be together for more than a few minutes without saying something horrible and cruel to each other. But as Elyse looked at Adam‟s face now, so open and real, she realized she wanted to be his friend. Or at least not hate him anymore. Where had all the hate gotten her? Exactly nowhere. Jason was right. She was stuck in the past. Maybe if she took this step with Adam, she‟d get unstuck. “All right.” She gestured down at her clothing. Though she‟d changed her mustard-spattered shirt after lunch, her worn jeans and T-shirt were much too casual. “You look nice. Let me change into something else. Give me ten minutes.” “You don‟t have to, you‟re fine,” Adam told her, his eyes skimming her. “I‟ll be right back. Have a seat.” She grabbed a few things from her suitcase, a flush blooming on her skin as she felt his gaze follow her. Elyse hurried to the bathroom and emerged fifteen minutes later, made-up, and hair freed from its ever-present ponytail to sweep her shoulders. She wore a swingy black skirt and hose, and a form39

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fitting red top she hadn‟t worn since the last time Jason had dragged her out on the town. Since Jason had approved of the outfit, she knew it was enough to impress Adam. And why did she want to impress him? They weren‟t going on a date, for God‟s sake. They were only having dinner, sharing a meal in an attempt to be civil to each other. To put the past behind them. Adam was seated in a narrow armchair that didn‟t look sturdy enough to support a grown man. He stood when she entered the room. Heat rose in her, moving from her belly to her chest, flowing to her breasts, filling out her nipples. It spread up her neck into her face, bringing roses to her cheeks and plumping her lips. The heat moved downward as well. Her legs trembled as she approached him, her fingers and toes tingled. And her pussy grew meltingly soft, creamy, and slick. Her clit engorged and rubbed teasingly, torturously against her panties as she walked. No. No. And no. She shouldn‟t be having this reaction to him. It was all wrong. She stopped halfway across the room, trembling, knowing exactly what would happen if she didn‟t turn around right now and lock herself in the bathroom. Adam watched her, licking his lips nervously, his own face flushed with arousal. “Elyse.” He moved to her, took her hands. They stood there silently. Elyse‟s gaze was turned away. She didn‟t dare look at him. “You look beautiful.” His voice was hoarse. She turned her eyes to his. He grasped her shoulders and hauled her to him. Their mouths met and Adam groaned, crushing her even closer. She loved being held against the solid wall of his chest, loved the softness of his lips, the insistence of his probing tongue. His kisses were delicious, and Elyse 40

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was greedy for them. Adam groaned again. “Jesus, it‟s been so damn long.” The words were garbled, eaten by their mouths, which refused to part after such a long and arid separation. He scooped his arm under her thighs, and carried her toward the bed. Elyse panicked, pulling her lips from his to cry, “No, no!” She‟d never be able to resist him if he placed her on that bed. Adam veered away, kissing her again, depositing her instead in the armchair he‟d just vacated. He slid to the carpet, kneeling between her legs. Gently, he placed his big hands on her knees and slid them up her thighs, his eyebrows quirking when he discovered the lacy tops of her thigh-high stockings. His fingers danced across the lace, and teased the soft skin above them. “Open,” he murmured, and Elyse widened her legs to give him what he wanted. What she wanted. Sliding the skirt higher up her thighs, Adam lowered his head to the juncture between them and breathed deeply, inhaling her fragrance. “Mmm…” he sighed, his warm breath misting her as he exhaled. Nuzzling his nose against the satin panel of her panties, he tickled her swollen clit. Then he gently sucked it. “Ahh!” Elyse‟s head fell back as her body jerked. Adam pulled her hips closer to the edge of the chair, and settled her legs over his shoulders. Elyse grabbed the arms of the chair as she slid forward, her lower back on the seat. The awkwardness of the position hardly registered. Her head buzzed as Adam played with her. Using his tongue to tickle her distended clit, he kept her in an agony of wanting. Perspiration filmed her skin and fire streaked to her pussy. She was so close to coming her clit tingled, but he kept her dancing on the edge. 41

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Her foggy brain recalled his earlier words. Been so long. Ah, God, yes, it had been too long. Too long since anyone made her feel this good. Then Elyse‟s brain shut down altogether. Adam softly nipped her clit and sparks shot through her synapses. “Oh God! Ahh! Yes!” Her back arched, her fingers squeezed the armrests, and her pussy rippled in orgasm. He sucked at her tenderly as she came, making the contractions last and last. Moments later, her head sagging on her neck, her body utterly boneless, she blinked at Adam. “Wow.” She closed her gaping mouth—she only hoped she hadn‟t drooled. Adam‟s gaze was soft upon her. His eyes reflected pride in satisfying her, and pleasure in watching her come. But the flush on his cheeks and the tension around his mouth told her he had needs, too, that were unmet. She suddenly felt bashful with him. “Thank you.” Her voice was quiet and a blush warmed her face. How silly to be shy now. She laughed and shook her head. “I was so quick, I‟m embarrassed. I didn‟t even get my panties off.” Adam smiled then, a real smile. “No such thing as too quick. Well, not for a woman, anyway.” He got to his feet, wiping his palms on his slacks and glancing around the room. “Well, uh, we should get going…” Elyse‟s mouth fell open in surprise. “You want to go? But I thought—I mean, you haven‟t—” Her eyes flicked down his body to the sizeable erection bulging in his slacks. His jaw tightened. “It‟ll go away by itself in a few minutes. That wasn‟t the plan, Elyse. I didn‟t come here tonight to fuck you.” A moment ticked by, then Elyse said it. “Even if I want you to?” “Jesus, what are you trying to do to me?” He 42

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went down on his knees again and hauled her to him, pulling her out of the chair and down to the carpet with him. They mashed their lips together desperately, almost angrily, to punish each other for the sins of the past. They both knelt on the floor. Elyse stroked him through his pants, loving the hard feel of him. His cock moved into her hand, seeking her touch. She fumbled to unzip him one-handed, her other hand gripping his shoulder, her lips glued to his. It wasn‟t enough. She broke free, gasping, and he was already pulling up the hem of her shirt. “Off,” he murmured. She raised her arms high, enabling him to tug the shirt over her head and fling it to the floor. Elyse pushed at his shoulder, letting him know she wanted him to lie on his back. She attacked his fly, stroked him briefly through his boxers, then reached in to find his heavy cock, warm and alive. “Ahh,” she sighed. She held him gently in her hand as she bent to kiss away the gift of pre-cum he offered. But Elyse grew impatient as his boxers limited her ability to touch him. “Up,” she told him and Adam obeyed, lifting his ass so she could tug down his pants and shorts. At last she saw it in all its glory. His beautiful cock. How she had missed it. Elyse admired the rosy tip, the thick shaft, the dark hair covering his balls. She bent to kiss it again, hold it against her cheek, inhale its rich musky fragrance. Adam groaned, watching her, but he stopped her after a few moments. Sitting up, he pulled her skirt and panties down and helped her wriggle out of them. They ended up like the shirt, tossed aside somewhere in the room. He toyed with Elyse‟s breasts, teasing and lightly pinching her nipples through her lacy white bra. He pulled the cups down to reveal her pink-tipped breasts, but as he moved to 43

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play with them, Elyse frowned and pushed his hands aside. This was her show now. On her knees, with him again stretched out on the floor, Elyse lowered her head to take him in her mouth. She took him as deeply as she could. He was large, but not too large—not freakishly so, like some porn star. She alternated sucking him slowly with leisurely licks up his shaft, swirling her tongue around the ridge of the cockhead, dipping it into the well at the tip. “Ahh, God, yeah, like that,” he murmured, watching her. Elyse pulled back a moment, holding him, her lips wet. When she looked at him, his eyes were dark, glittering with lust and something more. Something she wasn‟t ready to acknowledge. She bent to continue her task, and as she did, Adam urged her to maneuver the lower half of her body toward his upper half. Soon Elyse‟s knees were on either side of Adam‟s head. His hands gripped her upper thighs and ass, and then he lowered her to his mouth and began to eat her succulent sweetness. “Yes,” she hissed, as his tongue bathed her swollen labia, and dipped into her already wet pussy. Though she‟d already had one orgasm, she was riding the edge of another. Adam‟s clever supple tongue saw to that, as it played figure eights around her clit and the mouth of her pussy. But she wanted to make him come, too. God, it had always been good between them. Though she‟d had a few boyfriends before first meeting Adam, they‟d been just that—boys. Guys she‟d had fun with, experimented with, fumbling and giggling. Guys who forgot her as easily as she forgot them. She‟d learned from her mother, then from her grandmother, not to hold anything or anyone too closely. With Adam it was different, right from the start. He was seven years older than her and far more 44

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experienced. With him she had the kind of orgasms she thought only existed in erotic novels. She‟d done things she hadn‟t done with anyone else, things she never imagined doing. Don‟t go there! No. She wouldn‟t go there. She didn‟t want to remember the past, didn‟t want to worry about the future. Didn‟t want to think at all. She wanted to feel. Elyse used every trick she knew with her lips and tongue and even her teeth, to bring him off. She alternated long slow licks with brief sucks and teasing twirls. He was her ice-cream cone, her lollipop, her candy cane. She tried not to get distracted by the gentle flicks of his tongue on her clit, by the pressure and movements of his hands on her ass. Adam‟s hands squeezed tight, and he gave one more sweet suck on her clit. Her body convulsed, toppling into orgasm as the contractions sent sparks shooting through her, Elyse pumped his cock hard, and he came too, splattering her breasts with his thick white fluid. As the delicious spasms subsided and she sank onto the carpet. They lay side by side, Adam‟s hand gently caressing her thigh. Yes, she had missed him. Not just for the incredible sex, but for times like this when he touched her so gently, told her how beautiful she was. It wasn‟t easy for Adam to let go and show his softer side. But after sex, he seemed to give himself permission to relax and let himself be cared for. Snap out of it, the warning voice inside her clanged. You‟re getting in trouble. Elyse sat up, got to her feet and went into the bathroom. She cleaned herself up and removed her bra. What are you doing? she asked the utterly dissolute woman in the mirror. The one with the swollen mouth, the red face, the tangled hair. 45

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The woman didn‟t answer. She turned away from Elyse, who now stood in the doorway wearing nothing but a pair of black hose. Adam was standing, more or less back to rights, but sleepy-eyed and mussed. Those sleepy eyes sparked with hunger when he saw her posed in the doorway with one hip cocked. “You have too many clothes on,” Elyse told him. She smirked as she glanced at the unrumpled bed, remembering how she‟d been afraid of what might happen if Adam placed her there. Apparently, the chairs and floor weren‟t any less dangerous. No matter the place, no matter the time, it was Adam who was dangerous. Mr. Danger frowned. “I was serious when I said I didn‟t come here to fuck you,” he told her. “I don‟t have any rubbers with me.” Elyse shrugged. “We‟ll make do.” His eyes narrowed. “Are you on birth control?” “No. Had no reason to be.” Shit. Elyse wanted to take back the words as soon as they were out of her mouth. Shit, shit, shit. Now he knew she hadn‟t been with anyone for a while. She‟d tried dating for a time, but between work, school, and her general lack of interest, things hadn‟t panned out. If Adam was pleased to know she‟d been celibate lately, he had the grace not to show it. “What about you?” she asked. If he had the right to ask questions, then so did she. “Am I on birth control?” he deadpanned, his eyebrows lifting. “You know what I mean.” “There‟s been one person since…” his voice trailed off. “But we‟re not together anymore.” One person. Elyse was torn between jealousy and surprise. Only one? Was the relationship serious enough to exclude others? Or did it mean Adam had as much trouble getting over her as she had in 46

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getting over him? She thrust the question aside. “I think we can manage without condoms—there‟s plenty else we can do. We‟ve already proven that, haven‟t we?” “What about dinner?” Adam asked. She smiled as she strolled over to him and began unbuttoning his shirt. “Haven‟t you ever heard of room service?” **** They never did get around to ordering room service. Elyse felt the bedclothes move and heard the rustle of clothing. She opened her eyes. It was still dark. A pair of lips found her temple. “I have to go,” Adam whispered. “Got a full day of work ahead of me.” “Uhh,” Elyse groaned. She moved her head to find his lips and they kissed hungrily. Adam broke the kiss. His fingers traced her collarbone. “Elyse. What happens now?” What indeed? She had no idea. “Isn‟t that supposed to be my line?” she joked. He sat on the edge of the bed, scooping his arms under her and lifting her close. “I want more.” So did she, even knowing how disastrous it would be. She was too muddleheaded, though, to voice her desires or her doubts. “Have dinner with me tonight.” He smiled against her forehead. “This time we really will eat, I swear. I can pick you up at seven.” “Seven?” she murmured, stalling for time while her brain scrambled for the correct response. “We have things we need to talk about.” Talk? Since when did Adam ever want to talk about anything? When they were a couple, Elyse had worked hard to get him to share his feelings, to no avail. He 47

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always complained that touchy-feely stuff was for pussies and wimps. “Not a good time?” he asked, misunderstanding her reluctance. “What‟s good for you, then?” “Let‟s meet someplace,” Elyse suggested. “It‟s safer. If you show up here, we might get distracted again…” She smoothed the bedclothes to indicate what she meant. “You don‟t trust me?” There was a definite edge to his voice. “Maybe I‟m the one who can‟t be trusted,” she said, not sure if she was joking or dead serious. Adam appeared to take it as a joke. He smiled again. “How about Romeo‟s? Seven o‟clock?” “Not Romeo‟s,” she answered quickly. Romeo‟s Italian Restaurant used to be one of “their” places. Too many memories, too much meaning. The smile vanished from his face. “All right. There‟s a new place on Second Street that‟s decent. Hanover‟s.” “Hanover‟s,” she repeated. “Seven o‟clock. All right.” “Will you be there, Elyse?” She heard the tension in his voice. Anger sparked, rousing her from sleepiness. She squirmed away from him. “Keep pushing me, and I won‟t be.” A sigh left him as he let her slip out of his arms. “When we‟re in bed we‟re fine, but we can‟t even talk without pissing each other off, can we?” “I guess not.” Elyse‟s throat constricted. “Maybe tonight‟s not a good idea.” “I‟ll be there,” he told her, determination in his voice. The bed shifted as he stood up. “I hope you will, too.” She watched as he quietly slipped out of the room.

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Chapter Five Elyse fell back to sleep after Adam left. When she awoke, much later than usual, she felt off-center and disoriented. She went for a long, punishing run. When she got back to the hotel she was exhausted, sore, and starving. Jason occasionally made the not-terriblyoriginal observation that she ran to keep one step ahead of her problems. As Elyse showered and the steaming water pelted her aching muscles, she wondered what she‟d been running from this morning. Her decision to take Adam to bed? No. Even if last night was a mistake, she didn‟t regret it. What troubled her now was she wanted more. But there was too much hurt between them. If she refused to see Adam again, last night could be dismissed as a one off. If she met him this evening at Hanover‟s, she‟d only be giving him—and herself— false hope. It was better this way. She would spend no more time with Adam during the remainder of her stay. Regardless of how much she wanted him. Restlessness and hunger drove Elyse from her room. She tapped on Jason‟s door, but there was no answer, nor had he left any messages on her cell. He must have spent the night with Coop. It was past lunchtime, and though she passed several cute cafes, Elyse decided to pop into the local Barnes and Noble. Though Albany had its share of charming independent bookstores as well as chains, it had been a while since Elyse had treated herself to 49

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a nice long browse. She was sitting at a small table with a couple of magazines, a cinnamon scone, and a tall chai when she glanced up. A pretty African-American woman was holding a beverage in one hand and a book in the other, gazing at her. “Elyse?” The woman‟s long slender braids swung against her shoulder as she tilted her head, narrowing her eyes in speculation. “Elyse Zemanski. It is you, isn‟t it?” “Yes.” Recognition hit Elyse in a flash. “Latisha! Hi!” “Well, hi yourself.” The woman looked her up and down. “My goodness, it‟s been a while, hasn‟t it? Since high school.” Elyse nodded. She and Latisha Hobbs had become friends when Elyse first came to live with her grandmother. Her mother, Sunny, had sent her there “just for a little while,” when she planned to follow her latest boyfriend out to Hollywood. He was in a band sure to hit it big. “Hey, before you know it, I‟ll be rubbing elbows with all those movie stars,” Sunny had laughed. “As soon as we‟re settled, I‟ll send for you.” Unfortunately, the boyfriend never hit it big. Even if he had, it would have made no difference. He and Sunny parted ways before they ever reached California. The “little while” turned out to be much longer than Elyse, and certainly Grandma Wanda, ever anticipated. Wanda was not pleased to have to care for her irresponsible daughter‟s child, but didn‟t want the neighbors to think she‟d let Elyse go to foster care—“strangers.” But strangers might have been more welcoming than Wanda Zemanski was. It was a pretty grim household, with Grandma Wanda doling out affection stingily, if at all. The only thing that made life bearable was the 50

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friendship of another girl who lived in the neighborhood, and the warmth of the girl‟s family. Latisha was that girl. She was a couple of years older than Elyse, but that didn‟t matter when the two girls became friends, during the summer Elyse moved in with her grandmother. When autumn came, they attended the same middle school, and later the same high school. The friendship fell apart when Latisha‟s family moved to a different neighborhood and she began attending a private school. “So what have you been up to?” Her old friend asked, pulling Elyse out of her memories of the past. Latisha took a seat, and they filled each other in on their current lives. Latisha was a school nurse. “At our old alma mater—Summit High. Remember that place?” “As if I could forget.” Elyse rolled her eyes. “But didn‟t your dad want you to be a doctor?” “Oh, yes,” Latisha sighed. “He was pretty angry at me, didn‟t even speak to me for a while when I told him I wasn‟t going to. But he made his peace with it, and me. And I love nursing. And believe me, it‟s never dull at the high school.” “I‟ll bet.” Elyse felt embarrassed as she mentally compared Latisha‟s accomplishments to her own lack thereof. Her old friend had a college degree, and a respected career helping others. She was stuck in dead-ends-ville, with neither. As the two women caught up a bit more, Elyse learned that Latisha‟s mother had passed away a few years ago. “I‟m so sorry,” she said. “She was a wonderful lady. I still remember those oatmeal cookies she used to make.” “Nobody made an oatmeal cookie like my Mama,” Latisha agreed. “You know, I have her recipe, but they just don‟t taste the same when I 51

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make them.” She also mentioned her father was living in Florida now and her brother Juwuan lived there as well. “And don‟t think I didn‟t know you had a big fat crush on my know-it-all big brother,” Latisha teased. “Yeah.” Elyse sighed dramatically. She remembered Latisha‟s tall handsome older brother. “But he never gave me the time of day.” “Sorry to say, you missed your chance. He‟s married now, with two little boys. That‟s why I‟m here today.” Latisha tapped the cover of the book she‟d been holding. “My nephew‟s birthday is coming up, and I thought I‟d buy him a book. He loves dinosaurs.” Elyse smiled and nodded. She had no siblings, no nephews or nieces to buy gifts for, no family at all except for her mother. Sunny, who still drifted from guy to guy, though they grew tougher to find the older she got. Sunny, who never did send for her daughter the way she promised, who allowed her to grow up in the home of a woman who resented Elyse‟s very existence. “How is your grandmother?” Latisha‟s voice was hesitant. Wanda Zemanski had never really approved of her granddaughter being friends with a black girl, though she never came out and directly said so. Instead, she sent many poison-tipped unsubtle hints Elyse‟s way. “Dead.” Latisha‟s eyes widened in surprise, perhaps not so much at the news as at the abruptness of the announcement. Elyse shrugged in apology. “I know I sound cold. But I never loved my grandmother, and she never loved me. She only took me in out of „duty.‟ I find it very hard to pretend I mourn her.” Hard to mourn and harder even to forget some 52

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of Wanda‟s “loving” comments. “Your mother just takes off and goes on her merry way. Doesn‟t even think about how it affects me. No. Nobody thinks about me. You certainly don‟t. You‟re just like her, a self-centered brat.” Latisha nodded, her face serious. “It‟s sad she couldn‟t show you the love you deserved. She must have been a very unhappy woman.” “I guess,” Elyse said grudgingly. “She sure made other people unhappy.” She noticed Latisha had used the word couldn‟t rather than wouldn‟t. Was it possible Grandma Wanda had softer feelings, but didn‟t know how to express them? Not that it mattered now. “How were you able to manage after your Gran passed?” “I‟d already moved out when she died,” Elyse answered. “Shortly after I graduated high school. I couldn‟t wait to turn eighteen, to legally be on my own. I was working and going to school. So it didn‟t much affect me at all. The bank had a lien on her house, she had nothing much to leave anyone, and what she did have, she left to my mom.” She smiled bitterly. “Wanda was always complaining about her heart. I never thought she had one. But I guess she did after all—it was a heart attack that killed her.” They were silent for a moment. Elyse wondered if her friend was shocked by her lack of sympathy. Latisha came from a warm and loving family— maybe she couldn‟t fathom anything else. “You and your family were all that got me through,” Elyse told her. “You guys made it bearable for me. After you moved away—” She stopped and bit her lip. What was she doing, dragging up all these hurts from the past? “I always felt guilty about that,” Latisha admitted. “I mean, I was glad when my dad got the promotion and we moved to a nicer neighborhood. 53

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But I always felt like I deserted you—” “That‟s crazy,” Elyse scoffed, though in fact she had felt deserted. How stupid. Though she‟d made other friends in school, none of them took Latisha‟s place. “You weren‟t responsible for me.” “I tried calling, you know. A few times after the move. I wanted to keep the friendship going…” “You called? I didn‟t know.” Latisha sighed sadly. “The first few times, your grandmother told me that you weren‟t home. She said she‟d give you the message, and you‟d call me back.” Anger rolled through Elyse in a wave of red. “What a liar. She never gave me any messages.” Wanda could have easily intercepted those messages. When she lived with her grandmother, she spent as much time as possible out of the house—at school, in the public library, or at Latisha‟s house. When she had to be home, she spent most of her time in her bedroom, engrossed in her fantasy novels. In them, she would get lost in imaginary worlds and escape the real one. The other woman nodded. “I was afraid it was something like that. But then I wasn‟t sure—I thought maybe you were angry and didn‟t want to speak to me.” “I can‟t believe what she did.” Elyse shook her head, and let out a long breath. “Well, actually I can.” “The last time I called…” Latisha paused, clearly debating whether to finish the sentence. “Tell me, please.” She steeled herself to listen, even as she dreaded what she might hear. “She told me to stop bothering you, you didn‟t want to hear from me anymore, and she was glad my family had moved so her granddaughter wouldn‟t have to spend any more time with someone like me.” “My God.” Elyse shook her head, sick with 54

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disgust and shame. “What a bitch.” She had no doubt what her grandmother meant by that remark. “I‟m so sorry.” “Afterwards I was so angry, I made up my mind never to give that woman another opportunity to humiliate me. So,” Latisha looked down at her cup, “I never called again.” Elyse was so angry at her grandmother, and so ashamed, it was difficult to speak. “I‟m sorry, I—” Latisha held up her hand to forestall any further apology. “It wasn‟t you—it was your grandma. Like I said, she must have been a very unhappy woman.” Latisha had more sympathy for Wanda than Elyse did. She didn‟t think she would ever forgive her grandmother for helping to destroy the friendship. But Elyse had done her part, too. Time to face it. “I never even tried to call you. I know it‟s dumb, but I did feel…deserted when you moved. It brought back a lot of bad feelings, like when my mother dumped me off with Wanda. I guess I was mad at you, and mad at myself for caring.” She shook her head, remembering the resentful girl she‟d been. “I‟m sorry.” “It‟s sad things happened the way they did,” Latisha said. “But it‟s not all bad. Who‟d have thought we‟d ever reconnect like we have, here at Barnes and Noble?” She lifted her cappuccino in a toast. Elyse raised her own cup of chai. “Who‟d have thought?” Suddenly Latisha‟s eyes lit up, as she looked past Elyse‟s shoulder and waved to someone. Elyse turned to see a tall curvaceous redhead standing inside the bookstore entrance. The redhead lifted her hand in acknowledgment and headed to the table. When she reached them, 55

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she gave Latisha‟s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Hi, babe.” She nodded at the dinosaur book near Latisha‟s elbow. “Find something nice for Lonnie?” “Yep. I think he‟ll like this.” “Good.” Her hand drifted down Latisha‟s arm. She looked at Elyse and smiled. “Hi.” “Tania, this is a friend from my old neighborhood—Elyse Zemanski.” “Hey, how are you?” Tania pulled out a chair and sat down, her brown eyes full of mischief. “So you knew my girl back in the day, huh? Ooh, I can‟t wait to get all the details.” “No details,” Latisha responded, giving the redhead a quelling look. “Elyse, this is my partner, Tania Talcott.” It took a moment for the full meaning of that term to click with Elyse. She hoped she didn‟t look too surprised. “Hi. Nice to meet you.” “Nice to meet you,” Tania responded. If the word partner wasn‟t enough of a clue to the nature of the women‟s relationship, then the expression on Tania‟s face when she looked at Latisha, and the soft but possessive touch on her arm, surely was. “What are you drinking? It looks good.” Tania stood, swinging her purse over her shoulder. “I‟m going to get myself something. Be right back.” The other two watched her head up to the counter. When Elyse looked at her friend, Latisha was smiling. “So. Have I shocked you?” “Shocked? No,” Elyse said. “I guess a little surprised. I never realized you…” “Neither did I,” Latisha admitted cheerily. “At least not back when you and I were friends.” “So how long have you two been…?” “Almost two years,” Latisha answered, a sigh in her voice and a dreamy look on her face that Elyse envied. Latisha lowered her voice. “We‟re talking 56

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about making it permanent.” “That‟s great.” She was happy for her friend, but at the same time thinking, two years. Two years ago Latisha found the love of her life, just as Elyse lost hers. Latisha quirked an eyebrow. “You sure are thinking hard about something. Care to share?” “I don‟t know, I guess I wish I was as brave as you.” “I don‟t think I‟m especially brave. What do you mean?” “Well, you know, being with a woman, and people judging you…” “Oh, people might talk about you for a minute, but they‟re more interested in their own lives,” Latisha said. “They forget about you soon enough. As far as judging goes, last I heard that‟s God‟s job, no one else‟s.” Even back in the day, Latisha Hobbs had never been a coward. She lived her own life, and didn‟t let fear rule her. Elyse wished she was as fearless. If only she were brave enough to reach for what she wanted. Without fear of making a mistake. Fear of being hurt. If only…

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Chapter Six Adam was waiting for her outside at Hanover‟s, seated at one the small bistro tables on the patio. Elyse‟s steps faltered as soon as she spotted him. She swallowed hard, her mouth watering at the sight of him. He looked so good sitting there with one arm resting on the back of his chair, watching the street. A warm tingling started in her belly and moved to all her erogenous zones. God, he didn‟t even need to touch her to get her started. Adam‟s eyes widened, and he stood up when he saw her. He was dressed in light khakis, and a button-down dress shirt. He looked casual, comfortable, and sexy as hell. It was a warm August evening, so Elyse wore a pretty summer dress with a sweater over her shoulders. Her heartbeat quickened as she approached him. “Hi.” He seemed a bit shy as he took her hand. “Are you all right sitting out here?” “Sure. This is nice.” It was a small table with two chairs. Their knees touched beneath it. Electricity shot through Elyse at the contact, and zeroed right in between her thighs. Adam‟s face was impassive, but he must have felt something, too. He pushed his chair back far enough to give their legs a few inches of space and shifted in his seat. “I wasn‟t sure you‟d show up.” “I wasn‟t either,” she admitted. She didn‟t tell him she had almost decided not to. It was her unexpected reunion with Latisha that made her change her mind. Latisha‟s courage made Elyse all 58

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the more aware of her own cowardice. It shamed her into realizing she‟d never get free of the past until she faced up to it. And that meant facing Adam. His eyebrows rose. “Because I was an ass yesterday?” “No. You weren‟t an ass. I was just feeling…I don‟t know. Overwhelmed, I guess.” She picked up her knife and began tracing patterns on the paper placemat. Catching herself, she set the knife down again. “But you‟re here.” He took her hand again. “I‟m glad.” He paused a moment. “You‟re not sorry about last night?” Elyse didn‟t even have to think. “No.” She glanced around surreptitiously. A few of the other tables were occupied, but she and Adam were far enough away to keep their discussion private. She had no intention of airing their personal business in public. “At least we‟ve got that going for us.” Adam kept his voice low, respecting her desire for privacy. “We‟ve always been good together that way.” “It doesn‟t solve anything,” she told him. Sure, the sex was good. But so what? They couldn‟t spend all their time in bed. “I meant what I said this morning,” Adam lowered his head, moving it closer to hers. “I want more.” “Hi, I‟m Melissa, and I‟ll be your server this evening!” A perky young woman appeared out of nowhere like a genie, handing them menus and wearing a professional smile. They jerked back, as though caught in the middle of a kiss. Their server took their drink orders, recited the specials, and promised to be back shortly. As Melissa moved away, Elyse perused the menu. At a nearby table a young couple sat, maybe on a first date. The guy looked nervous and a little 59

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too eager to impress the girl, chattering on about his Facebook page while his date sat quietly, looking slightly bored. Adam set his menu aside. Elyse glanced at him. “You know what you‟re getting?” “What I always get here. The Buffalo chicken wrap.” He folded his arms, his decision made. Elyse smiled. He‟d always been that way. Whenever he found something he liked, he stuck with it. No changes. Except when it came to her. Her smiled vanished, and the words on her menu melted into a blur. But her voice was calm enough when she remarked, “Still like the spicy stuff, I see.” “Mm-hmm.” She knew he didn‟t want to discuss food now. He was waiting for her to respond his earlier remark, the one he made before their server arrived. Perspiration filmed Elyse‟s upper lip. The intensity of his stare had her heart thumping. Adam shifted closer, and their knees bumped again. Her pussy creamed immediately in response. Now was the time. To fish or cut bait. Piss or get off the pot. To finally have the guts to tell the truth and go for what she wanted. “I want more, too,” she murmured. She didn‟t care if it was right or smart, didn‟t care about anything. Adam‟s eyes widened, then narrowed as he reached for her hand. Heat flared in his dark eyes. “I don‟t know how long I‟ll be in Summit,” she told him. “Maybe a week or so, it‟s up to Jason. But for however long it is, I want to be with you.” The fire in Adam‟s eyes cooled, and his mouth tightened into a grim line. “Why is it up to Jason?” “He‟s the reason I came back.” Elyse didn‟t want to spoil things by arguing, but she wasn‟t going to let 60

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him give her shit about Jason. “I can‟t get into all of it right now. It‟s complicated.” A muscle jumped in Adam‟s jaw. “It must be, for him to set you up in the most expensive place in town.” Okay. Now he was completely out of line. Was he jealous? Elyse wanted to laugh at the thought. Where did he get off, anyway? If it hadn‟t been for him, she would never have met Jason. “Would you feel better if he‟d gotten me a room at the New Moon?” she asked. The New Moon. The cheap motel the three of them had gone to that night. The silence was deafening. “Maybe this was a bad idea after all,” Elyse muttered. “No.” Adam answered quickly, decisively. His face was dark with embarrassment. “No, it‟s not. I want to be with you. For as long as you can give me.” She nodded, acknowledging his words, but wondered if it was too late. Maybe even sex was too complicated. The past kept coming back to bite them in the ass. “We can only do this if we agree to let things happen from this moment. Let everything else go. Everything from before…” Her words trailed off. Elyse looked at the man seated across from her. “Can you do that?” Could she? “We‟re not going to talk about the past,” she went on. “There is no past.” Adam pressed her hand and nodded. “Let‟s get out of here.” Her pulse spiked. They rose at the same time, unable to break their stare. Their server materialized again, her smile slipping as they stepped away from the table. “Oh…are you—” “Thank you, Melissa,” Adam told her, placing some bills on the table and handing her a twenty. “But we won‟t be staying.” 61

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“Okay, well…thank you?” “Where are we going?” Elyse murmured, loving the feeling of being tucked against Adam‟s side, his arm holding her tight. “The hotel?” “Too far.” He spoke into her hair. “My place.” Her pussy contracted at the husky sound of his voice. He wanted her. When they talked, it all went wrong, but one touch of his hand and she was wet for him. This was how they connected. But it was only for a week. They could pull it off for a week. As she and Adam walked past a table with three women, one of them looked longingly at Adam, and then at Elyse. You lucky bitch. Elyse put her arm around Adam‟s waist. Yes. Yes, she was. **** They got as far as the parking lot before Adam dragged her into his arms for a kiss. Crushing her against the passenger‟s door of the truck, he nudged her belly with his rock-hard erection. Elyse dug her fingers into his shoulders to keep her wobbly legs from sliding out from under her. His velvety tongue stroked hers—he tasted sweet and minty. Her own tongue played inside his mouth to catch more of the flavor. In a fog of lust, she rocked her body against his cock, teasing him. The heat in her belly was now a bonfire showering her with sparks. Her lips, breasts, and pussy were all aflame. Someone cleared his throat nearby, and Elyse fell back to reality with a thump. An older couple passed nearby, the man glaring at them with disapproval, the woman trying to hide a smile. She flashed Elyse a wink over Adam‟s shoulder. Adam pulled away with a groan. He opened her door and practically tossed her inside. In a blink, he was in his seat, giving her a searing look. Then his 62

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shoulders shook with laughter. “You‟re always getting me in trouble in public.” “It‟s your fault,” she told him, her hand creeping to his thigh. “Oh, right. My fault.” His large hand mimicked hers, resting on her thigh and gliding under her dress. She purred and adjusted her legs, opening to give him better access. His fingers skimmed lightly along her skin—now prickling with goosebumps. Meanwhile, Elyse stroked the bulge in his pants lightly, teasing him with her thumb. Her breath slowed as he played at the juncture of her thighs, toying with the elastic of her panties. Her clit tingled, she was so close. She grasped Adam‟s fullness in her hand and he hissed. Then he snatched his hand away and removed hers, placing it safely on her seat. Elyse moaned in frustration. “No fair.” “Too many people here.” He spoke through gritted teeth. He turned the key, started the ignition. “My place.” She pouted, even though she knew he was right. Shifting on her seat, she suppressed a groan. Her pussy was so wet and her clit so tender, it was agony to move. He glanced at her as they pulled out of the lot. “You all right?” “No,” she muttered. “I‟m dying. Hurry, get us there.” She pressed her thighs together, but that just made her more aware of the throbbing. “Just hang on.” Pulling her dress to her the tops of her thighs, she gave him a sultry look. She needed to torture him a little. “I could play with myself, take the edge off.” “Don‟t you dare.” His voice was thick. “I‟m the only one who‟s gonna make you come tonight.” Elyse put her hand on his zipper. “Then let me 63

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play with you.” She fondled him and loved how his eager cock jumped to meet her touch. He allowed it for a moment, then drew her hand away. He held it gently as he drove one-handed. “You want to make us crash?” No. Crashing would be bad. But she needed him so much. Even holding his hand like this made her want him. His hand was so big, his fingers blunt and calloused. She wanted to suck them, wanted to wedge them between her legs… An unexpected pothole in the road jolted them and sent sparks pinwheeling though her. “Ah!” Her eyes watered. She wasn‟t going to make it. Frantically she scanned both sides of the road. Thank God there was a large strip mall coming up. “In here, pull in here!” “What?” “Pull in, pull in!” she cried. As he did, she pointed to a deserted spot. They‟d be parked far enough to avoid the notice of shoppers buying groceries or checking out the sales. “Right here,” she told him. “This is perfect.” Adam cut the engine and turned to her in consternation. “Perfect for wha—” Elyse grabbed his head with both hands, and pulled him down for her kiss. She was fierce at first, mashing her mouth to his—she wanted to remind him that he was hers for this brief time. Hers alone. But then her lips softened and his responded, clinging. Their tongues caressed and played together. Adam was the first to pull away. “So it‟s like that, huh?” He smiled. His eyes were heavy-lidded and sensual, his features flushed with arousal. She smiled back, feeling sexy and audacious. And hungry—not for food, but for him. “Mmmhmm. Just like that.” “Remember the first time we did this?” Adam 64

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murmured. “Yes.” Elyse laughed, pressing soft kisses to his chin and cheeks. “You told me you‟d never had sex in a car before.” He stroked her hair back from her face. “And you didn‟t believe me.” Elyse gave him a little pout. “Hey, can you blame me? How many people can say they never made it in the backseat?” He leaned back in his seat as Elyse began to unbuckle his belt. “Well, none of my boyfriends had wheels. And there was something creepy about the thought of doing it in somebody‟s mom‟s car. So somehow I survived my teen years without that experience.” “Can‟t say I‟m sorry.” He sighed as she unzipped him and freed his cock. “I‟m sure you‟re not. You liked being the first in that department, didn‟t you?” Elyse fondled him gently, then grasped him harder, the way she knew he liked. Now that she had him where she wanted, her own need subsided a bit. She wanted to make him as crazy for her as she was for him. His eyes glittered as he stared at her. “You know it. There were a lot of firsts for us, weren‟t there, babe?” “That‟s right.” She was mesmerized by the lust in his eyes. Adam might not have been her first lover, but he was the first man Elyse had ever been with. He was the leader when it came to sex, and she a most willing follower. Yes, they‟d had many firsts together, all memorable. Unfortunately, one was too memorable. An unwelcome memory of Jason, reclining on an ugly orange bedspread at the New Moon Motel, momentarily flashed through her mind before she firmly pushed it away. “Ahh.” Adam‟s head fell back as she stroked his cock in a tight grip. He placed his hand on hers, 65

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stilling it. “I don‟t want to come yet. Go down on me, honey. Suck me.” Elyse bent low and swirled her tongue around the deep pink head of his cock, then flickered it at the opening where a bead of pre-cum lay. She loved the salty taste of him. She kneeled up on her seat and stole his lips, thrusting her tongue between them to share his flavor with him. His groan inflamed her, setting off tingles in her clit and tiny fireworks throughout her body. She hunched low again to take his cock deep into her mouth. His fingers stroked her head and threaded through her hair. “That‟s right. Yes, baby. So good.” Elyse sucked him, swirled and twirled her tongue, even let her teeth lightly graze his shaft. Recognizing how close he was, she swallowed on him and hummed, letting the vibrations of her voice box caress him. “Ahh, God, yeah!” He thrust his hips upward as he came, pouring himself into her. When she came up for air, he kissed her tenderly. “That was so good. Now it‟s your turn.” Yeah, she wanted her turn. Her clit was so swollen and her pussy so achy, she thought she‟d go off if she shifted the wrong way. “We‟re lucky no one‟s noticed us so far,” Elyse told him. “I don‟t think our luck will hold if you‟ve got me down with my legs in the air.” “Let‟s take our chances.” His eyes sparked, probably at the image of her with her legs up and his head burrowed between them. “Some other time. No. Do me with your hand. It‟s safer.” She scooted back on the seat to give him room to maneuver. “With pleasure.” His fingers slipped beneath her skirt, stroking between her legs against the crotch of her panties. His fingertips grazed the lips of her 66

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pussy and the stiff little nub of her clit. Even through the cloth, his touch sent starbursts reeling behind her eyes. “You‟re soaked,” he murmured in appreciation. “Bad girl, your panties are wet.” “It‟s your fault,” she told him. “You like sucking my cock, huh? It makes you wet.” “I love your hard cock. You always make me wet.” This was another first with Adam. The dirty talk. It had embarrassed her the first few times they did it, maybe because she realized how hot it made her. “You always make me come so hard,” he answered. Though the words were dirty and raw, the emotion on his face was raw, too, and real. It cost him something to admit that. She was touched and proud. She lifted her hips, allowing him to slide her panties down, then bit her lip as two of his fingers slid inside her slippery pussy. It contracted around them as he circled his fingers inside her. His thumb worked her clit, brushing and pressing lightly. “Is it good?” Adam asked. “Right there?” “Yeah. Ahh.” Elyse sucked her lower lip between her teeth. “I‟m gonna find that G-spot for you,” he promised. “I‟m gonna make that sweet little pussy hug me tight. You‟re gonna scream for me.” “Yeah.” She panted as heat flashed through her. When he found that little bump of flesh inside her and rubbed it, her whole body contracted. She drew her right leg up, trying to bring him deeper, and rested her foot on the dashboard. His face was flushed, his lips full and his eyes glinting with lust. “Squeeze my fingers. Let me feel your pussy squeeze them now.” Half-delirious with need, Elyse tightened those 67

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inner muscles to obey him as sweat misted her face. “Yeah, baby, you‟re gonna squeeze me tight when you come. Come for me now, honey.” His thumb brushed her clit once more as he curved his fingers and massaged her sweet spot. Elyse came hard, her body contracting as her limbs stiffened. Her foot bumped off the dashboard and landed on the steering wheel horn. The blare of the horn startled her, but the orgasm didn‟t subside. The contractions pulsed through her in waves, from her pussy to her breasts, her lips, her fingers and toes. “Shit!” Adam grabbed her foot with his free hand and tucked it under his arm. His other hand was still working her, trying to wring another climax from her. “One more, baby. Can you? Come for me one more time…” “I can‟t,” she gasped just as the second wave hit her, softer this time, gentle ripples passing through her. “That was beautiful,” he told her, withdrawing his fingers. “That was so good, baby.” “You‟re so good,” she told him, leaning against the passenger door. She felt as boneless as a jellyfish, utterly blissed-out. Sex was always good between them. It was when they tried talking it all went to hell. He lowered his face to nuzzle her wet curls and inhale her fragrance. “Mmm…” She was too sated sexually to do anything but laugh. The smell of sex permeated the truck‟s cab. Adam started laughing, too. “I about shit when the horn went off.” “Oh, God. We‟re lucky nobody came to investigate.” Elyse knew she ought to sit up and at least pull her dress down, but she felt too lazy to move. 68

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Adam smiled and patted her thigh. “Lift up.” She obeyed, and he tugged down her dress, making her presentable again. “Thanks.” She glanced down at the floor of the cab. “Where are my panties?” Grinning, Adam twirled them around his forefinger, then hooked them over the rear-view mirror. “Hey!” She tried to snatch them back, but he grabbed her hand. “Come on,” he pleaded. “Let a guy savor it, huh?” “Oh, fine,” she sighed, cuddling close to him. “Savor away. But only „til we get to your place.”

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Chapter Seven Nothing had changed at Adam‟s house. The furnishings were decent but old, except for a large screen TV in a corner of the room. Everything else was the same, in exactly the same place, as it all was two years ago. As it had been, she suspected, since Adam‟s youth. It was the house where he grew up. Adam didn‟t talk about his past, but Elyse had learned about it from another source—his brother, Matthew. Adam and his younger brother lost their father when they were boys. Their mother worked two jobs to take care of them. Even after she remarried, times were hard. The one time Elyse came out and asked Adam about his step-father, his answer was “He was a drunk.” The look on his face and the shortness of his tone made it clear the topic was off-limits. He hated his step-father, and moved out of the house as soon as he was old enough to be on his own. As sad as it was, the story didn‟t end there. When his mother was killed by a drunk driver, Adam lost it. He stormed into the house after her funeral and threatened his step-father with the asskicking of his life if the man didn‟t clear out, then and there. But Adam told her none of this. She had to hear it from Matthew. Elyse wasn‟t given much time to dwell on the past or her surroundings, because Adam dragged her into his arms for a kiss. She drew back after a few moments and grasped 70

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his hand to lead him to the bedroom. She remembered quite well where it was. Adam grabbed her close again, kissing her hungrily. Then he turned her around and backed her to the sofa. When the backs of her knees hit it, she fell back onto it with a jounce. He fell beside her. He winked at her and smoothed the faded upholstery. “Still pretty sturdy. Remember the last time we tried it out?” “I do, indeed.” Elyse remembered every room, every place in this house where they‟d made love. And it had been making love, for her, anyway. What it was now, she couldn‟t say. But she wasn‟t going to dwell on the past or worry about the future. There was only now, with this man. Grinning like the proverbial Cheshire Cat, Elyse unbuttoned Adam‟s shirt. Sliding it off his shoulders and down his arms, she ran her hands up his broad furred chest, and let her fingers tangle in the hair. “Mmm,” she sighed. “Wait,” he murmured, freeing his arms from the sleeves as Elyse reached behind her to unzip her dress. “I‟ll help you.” Pulling her onto his lap, he unfastened the tiny hook and eye at the top of her dress and slowly pulled down the zipper. Elyse let her head fall back. There were no doubts nibbling at her, no worries. There were no thoughts at all, only sensations—his large hands, warm and possessive on her back, his lips and tongue ravishing her mouth. Adam unzipped her halfway, which allowed him to unsnap her strapless bra and pull it off. He let it fall to the floor. Her breasts, with only the silky material of her dress between them and Adam‟s chest, felt full and heavy. Her nipples lengthened, the buds unfurling as the soft fabric caressed them. Adam muttered something into her mouth as he 71

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adjusted her on his lap. The hard ridge of his swollen cock nudged against her bottom. The sleeves of her dress rode down her arms, trapping them near her sides. Elyse couldn‟t move as freely as she wanted and struggled to slip her arms free of the imprisoning fabric. But Adam zipped the dress a bit higher, drawing out the pleasure by letting her feel that constriction. Her breasts shimmied as she moved against him. His hands reached up to hold them through her dress, weighing and bouncing them lightly in his palms. His thumbs swirled around her nipples, drawing them forth, making them grow even harder and tighter. Waves of sensation radiated from her breasts to the other parts of her body. Her lips tingled, along with her fingers and toes. Her pussy grew melty, soft and wet, wanting him. Wanting to feel him deep inside. He grasped the bottom of her dress and pushed it up. Elyse wriggled on his lap as the material slithered up her bare legs, bunching around her hips and waist. His hand smoothed up her inner thigh, parting her legs so she straddled his lap. His thumb brushed the vee of her legs, along the edge of the panties she again wore. “Ah.” She stiffened in his arms, hovering on the edge, waiting, just waiting for him to touch her again. “Lean back a little,” he murmured in her ear, nipping her earlobe. “Ahh!” She jerked her head back, surprised and aroused by the pinch on her lobe. The tiny pain awoke her momentarily from her sensual daze. He smiled wolfishly, barely brushing the edge of her panties once more. “Lean back.” She obeyed, unable to look away from his face. “That‟s good.” She shifted on his lap as his thumb moved a bit closer to her center. He moved his thumb lightly on 72

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top of her silky panties, brushing from the top of her cleft to the other end and back up again. She didn‟t want to ignore his needs. Smoothing her hands down his chest, she circled his nipples with her index fingers, swirling them in the prickly hair of his chest. Her fingers played lower, over his ribs and down his stomach. She loosened his belt and let her hands creep down to his arousal. She stroked and cupped him through his clothes, pleased to hear his breathing shift and grow more ragged. Her caresses grew bolder and more assertive, until he groaned and pulled her hands away. “No,” he told her in a shaky voice. “I want to take care of you first. Sit up a little.” Elyse shivered and drew her knees up to give him better access. He half sat, half reclined, in the corner of the sofa, leaning against the arm and the sofa back. She straddled his lap, one leg dangling over the edge, the other wedged between him and the sofa pillows. She gripped his shoulders to keep herself from falling. From drowning. His thumb brushed up and down, up and down, ever so lightly over her panties, which were now damp. Elyse arched her pelvis, reaching for his touch. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Why are you so quiet? Don‟t you like this?” “Yes,” she hissed between her teeth as her head fell back. “Are you sure?” His thumb moved up and circled her clit. “Because you‟re not saying anything. How can I know if you like it, if you won‟t tell me?” He circled that point again. Elyse squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lower lip. Sparks crackled through her. “I like it,” she choked out. She didn‟t want to be a bad girl now, didn‟t want to play games or talk dirty. She only wanted him. 73

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“Well, what do you like more?” he questioned. “This?” He brushed his thumb up and down. “Or this?” He circled her clit again and she convulsed, her pussy clenching as the wave hit her. “I…ahh…God!” When it was over, she lolled against his shoulder, limp. She rested her face in the crook of Adam‟s neck as his hand smoothed up and down her back. She raised her head and kissed him softly. Then she stood up and slipped off her panties, leaving them on the floor with her bra. She was sure she looked a perfect disaster, her hair disheveled, her lipstick smeared. But so what? She felt marvelous. She sat back down next to Adam, smiling at him. “Your turn, now.” Unfastening his belt, she unzipped his fly and reached inside the opening to touch him. Brushing and stroking, cupping and caressing, Elyse marveled at his fullness. He leaned back against the sofa cushions, his eyes closed, submitting to her attentions. She loved making him feel this way. She felt powerful and magnificent, like a sex goddess. “Wait a minute,” he gasped. “In my pocket—” Elyse delved into his pants pocket, and pulled out the foil packet. She tore it open while he struggled to push down his pants. As he lifted himself, Elyse was dislodged from his lap and tumbled to the floor. “Jesus.” Adam helped her up. She was laughing. “Are you all right? God, I‟m sorry.” “Fine,” she answered, and they both were laughing. Then they were kissing, their lips and tongues commingling. Laughter was forgotten as their breathing grew harsh and ragged. She helped him roll on the condom, then rose up on her knees and lowered herself upon his hard cock. He held her 74

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confidently, his hands on her hips, allowing her to set the pace. When he was firmly embedded, she drew in a deep breath, loving how full he was inside her. It felt so good, the way he stretched her. Her pussy rippled around his cock. Her head drooped on her neck like a flower on a stalk. “All right?” he murmured. Elyse nodded, moving her hands up his arms to his shoulders. She shimmied closer to him, squashing her breasts against his chest. His hands squeezed her hips and backside as he adjusted himself inside her, going deeper. She gasped, her pussy tightening around him. “Help me,” he muttered, his lips roaming over her throat and chin. She knew what he meant. She lifted herself up, then slid down again on his hard cock. Up and down, up and down. The delicious friction drove both of them to the edge. Elyse gasped for air, her eyes squeezed shut, and her forehead furrowed in concentration. She was on the very cusp of orgasm, but could not quite fall over the edge. Her eyes snapped open. Adam was staring at her. His face was shiny with sweat, his mouth twisted into a grimace of frustration. He knew something was holding her back. “Tell me,” he growled. “Tell me what you need.” She rubbed against him, but it wasn‟t enough. She sucked a painful breath between her teeth, her lungs burning. “I need more…” “That‟s right, baby. You need more. Touch yourself. Rub your clit.” His hands squeezed her hips and ass as her fingers crept down between her legs. Finding the swollen bud at the crux her thighs, Elyse circled the tip of her finger gently around it. She bit her lip, shuddering, then touched herself one more time. She convulsed as the climax wracked her. 75

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That set him off, tearing a sound out of him as he exploded inside her. “Ahh!” They collapsed against the sofa, breathing hard. His hand rested on the small of her back, her head on his shoulder. They lay together silently. Speech was unnecessary. In spite of the cramped position and the clothing bunched uncomfortably between them, she was blissed out and totally at peace. Adam‟s chest rose and fell rhythmically against her cheek. Glancing up, Elyse saw he had slipped into a doze. That was fine with her. She didn‟t want to talk right now, didn‟t even want to think. She felt too good. Snuggling against him, Elyse closed her eyes as she too drifted into sleep. **** They finally made it to the bedroom, and spent the night sleeping—between bouts of making love. Adam wasn‟t embarrassed to think of it that way. Making love. With other women, it had just been about the sex. As much as he liked Kim, his most recent partner, what he felt for her in no way matched his feelings for Elyse. Kim had every right to be pissed off at him—now he realized how he‟d been using her. She deserved better. And maybe he deserved better, too. Maybe this time with Elyse was his second chance. If he didn‟t fuck it up. Adam was thinking all of this the next morning, as he stared into his refrigerator looking for something edible to offer his guest. He usually picked up breakfast and morning coffee at the Haven, so there wasn‟t much of a selection. There were half a dozen eggs and a hunk of parmesan cheese that was kind of old but didn‟t look moldy. He sniffed a container of milk and deemed it safe for consumption. A container of orange juice concentrate and a loaf of bread were in 76

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the freezer, and he found some ground coffee in the cupboard. Good to go. He set the items on the counter and took a frying pan from a lower cupboard, giving it a good rinse. It had been a long time since he‟d cooked—unless you counted using the microwave. He never bothered to cook for himself, satisfied with fast food take-out or sandwiches he threw together himself. Come to think of it, the last person he cooked for had been Elyse. He went down the hall to the bedroom to check on her. She was perched on the edge of the bed, dressed in the shirt he‟d been wearing last night. Was there anything more appetizing than a sexy woman in a man‟s shirt? She was speaking into her cell phone and gave him a wave when she saw him in the doorway. “All right,” she said into the phone. A jolt of suspicion zapped through Adam. Was she checking in with Jason? “Thank you.” She finished speaking, clicked the phone shut, and gave him a smile. “Good morning.” “Morning.” He sank down beside her and pulled her onto his lap for a kiss. He nuzzled her ear through her hair. “Mmm. You smell good.” She let her head fall back, giving him better access to her neck. “I haven‟t showered yet. I smell like sweat. And sex.” He dragged in a deep breath. “Like I said, you smell good.” He tightened his arms around her. Though he wanted to kick his own ass, he couldn‟t keep from asking. “Who you talking to?” He prayed his tone conveyed nothing more than casual curiosity. He didn‟t want to sound like a jealous asshole—even though he felt like one. Thank God she wasn‟t offended by the question. 77

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“I was calling Grassy Acres to see how my cat‟s doing.” “Grassy Acres?” Elyse blushed and ducked her head, laughing lightly. “It‟s a pet spa. You remember Jezebel, my cat?” “Oh yeah.” Elyse had been crazy about the little kitten—a full grown cat now. “Sure. A pet spa, huh? Sounds like she‟s getting the royal treatment.” “Oh, she is.” Elyse laughed again. “Jason‟s footing the bill.” She went still, glancing at Adam with worried blue eyes, as if afraid she‟d slipped by mentioning Devereaux‟s name. Adam forced himself not to react. They‟d agreed not to discuss the past, but Jason Devereaux was part of Elyse‟s present, too. Her close friend. Whatever that meant. No. Adam made up his mind he was not going to act like a dipshit. He wouldn‟t do anything to push Elyse away. So instead of freezing up, he simply allowed his right hand to drift gently down her spine. He slid her off his lap and gave her a spank on the butt. “Why don‟t you take your shower while I fix us something to eat.” “Oh, a minute ago you liked my smell. Now I suddenly need a shower.” She play-pouted. “Get in there.” He made to give her ass another smack as she squeaked and ran into the hall. He returned to the kitchen to start making breakfast. He‟d gotten the eggs whisked and into the sizzling pan when someone asked, “Whatcha making?” It wasn‟t Elyse. Adam looked up with a start, and frowned at his brother standing in the kitchen doorway. “How‟d you get in, Wash Boy?” “My key, remember, dipshit?” Matthew ignored his brother‟s attitude and entered the room. 78

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“How about knocking sometime? What the hell are you doing here, anyway?” “I‟ll start knocking when you stop calling me that stupid nickname. And I‟m here to find out why my lazy-ass brother called an hour ago to say he‟s blowing off work today.” “I‟m not blowing it off,” Adam grumbled, turning to the counter to make the coffee. “I told you I‟d be a little late, that‟s all. Speaking of which, aren‟t you—” “Hey, are those eggs starting to burn?” “Shit. My omelet.” Adam hurried to the stove to turn off the heat under the pan. “Wow, an omelet. Pretty impressive.” Matt‟s head swiveled as he took in the food and utensils on the counter, the plates on the table. “And coffee? Hey, I could go for a cup.” He pulled out a chair and sat down. “How about you just go?” Adam grabbed his younger brother by the biceps, hauling him to his feet. “Jesus. Touchy.” Matt gestured around the room with a sweep of his hand. “What‟s going on?” Adam was about to issue a gentle reminder about minding one‟s own business while booting his brother out the door, when there was a sound from the bathroom. Wash Boy finally got a clue. Jesus, the kid was slow on the uptake. “Ohh, I get it. You have company.” Matthew‟s eyes lit up. Adam ground his teeth. Now Wash was sure to stick around and break his balls—after all, Adam would do the same thing if their roles were reversed. Matt quirked an eyebrow. “So you and Kim are on again?” “Would you kindly get the hell out of here?” Adam demanded, keeping his voice low. Grabbing his brother‟s elbow, he steered Matt into the living room. 79

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“Take it easy,” Matthew complained. He pulled a folded envelope out of his back pocket. “Listen. There‟s something I want to show you.” Adam recognized the envelope immediately. “No, put it away. I‟ve already seen it.” Matt hesitated. “You—” “He sent me one, too.” “Did you—” “I threw it in the trash as soon as I found out it was from our asshole stepfather.” Matthew‟s brow wrinkled and his mouth flattened. “So, you didn‟t read it.” “Hell, no. I wouldn‟t have even opened it, if I‟d known who it was from. Sneaky fucker, not putting his name in the return address.” Adam gave a snort. “I didn‟t read it, but I bet I can tell you what it says. He‟s sorry, blah blah blah, he wants to make amends yada yada yada…how‟m I doin‟?” Matthew sighed as he fingered the envelope. “He sounds like he‟s genuinely sorry.” “BFD. A little late, isn‟t it?” Adam didn‟t like the look on his brother‟s face. “Shit. Don‟t tell me you‟re feeling sorry for him. „Cause if that‟s the case, Wash, I‟m gonna have to pound some sense into you, I swear.” Though what he really wanted to do was pound the shit out of that asshole, Don. “No, not sorry exactly.” Matt slipped the envelope back into his jeans pocket. He shifted his feet, then glanced at his brother. “He says he‟s sick.” Adam gnashed his teeth. Not that he gave a rat‟s ass about his former step-father. But he hated the way Don was trying to fuck with his brother‟s head. Wash had always been a soft-hearted little sucker. “So what? We‟re supposed to feel sorry for him? Jesus,” he told Matt, “don‟t you get it? He‟s playing the sympathy card. Scared shitless he‟s gonna die and wants us to tell him all is forgiven. Well, fuck 80

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that.” A wave of protectiveness hit Adam, followed by a wave of guilt. Though he often pulled his brother‟s chain, he never wanted to see him hurt. He tried to watch out for Matt when they were kids, just like he tried to protect his mother. Don made that impossible. To keep from killing his stepfather, Adam bailed. Not just on his mother, but on Wash, too. Matthew wouldn‟t let the subject drop. “He says he‟s been sober a few years now…” “Who gives a shit?” Adam said. “Look, don‟t tell me what it says, I don‟t want to know. Forget him. He put our mother through hell, and we don‟t owe him shit.” “I know,” Matthew answered. But Adam could tell his brother didn‟t think it was that simple. “Okay, well, if we‟re done with our little heart to heart here, it‟s time for you to go, Wash.” “Yeah, yeah. I‟m cramping your style.” “That‟s right. I don‟t need you here breaking my balls,” Adam told him. “Go away and bug your girlfriend Andie. Though I don‟t know why she puts up with your ass.” Matthew gave him a cocky grin and crossed his arms over his chest. “„Cause she‟s crazy about me.” Adam rolled his eyes. “Aw, ain‟t love grand.” Matt was unperturbed. “You‟re jealous, is all.” “Yeah, whatever.” Adam did not acknowledge the twinge he felt. Shit. He was jealous. He wanted with Elyse what his kid brother had with Andie. “Do you plan on showing up at all today, or what?” Matt asked. “I said I‟ll be there. You‟ll see me when you see me.” “Hmm. Sounds like quite the reunion you and Kim have planned. Say, how „bout a cup of coffee for the road?” 81

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“How „bout a kick in the ass instead?” Adam propelled his brother across the living room. “Jesus, you sure are grouchy for somebody who‟s getting laid,” Matthew complained as Adam shoved him out the door. “Hey, Wash,” he called when Matt reached the driveway. “What?” “Do yourself a favor and toss the letter. Shred it. Burn it. Whatever. Just forget about the asshole, all right?” Matt gave a heavy sigh. “We‟ll see…” Fuck. Adam slammed the door, worried about his brother and mad as hell at Don. If he was so sick, why couldn‟t the asshole just go ahead and die already and leave them the hell alone? He returned to the kitchen to make sure the omelet stayed warm and to fix the orange juice and toast. Elyse ambled in as he was setting everything on the table. Had she heard any of the conversation between him and his brother? He hoped to hell she hadn‟t caught Wash Boy‟s references to Kim. “Hi.” She smiled at him, rosy and warm from the shower, again wearing his shirt. Her hair was damp, and she smelled like soap and the slightly musky scent of his shirt. She snuggled against him as he nuzzled his nose against her ear. “Smells great,” she murmured into his shoulder. She broke away and moved back. “Where should I sit?” “Here‟s good,” Adam told her. He‟d set the table so they would sit next to, rather than across from, each other. He wanted to be as close to her as possible. They ate in silence for a few moments, except for the appreciative noises Elyse made. “So good. I‟d forgotten what a good cook you are.” “Oh, come on.” Adam felt his neck and face heat 82

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up. “It‟s just a few eggs and cheese.” “Better than I can do,” she told him. “And there‟s something in here, some kind of spice, what—” “Thyme. I found it in the cupboard.” He had a drawer full of spice bottles he hadn‟t used in ages. He‟d sprinkled the thyme in on a whim, taking the chance it wasn‟t too old to lose its zest. “Delicious,” she assured him. He was pleased she enjoyed the food, and a little embarrassed by her praise. To disguise his embarrassment, he rose and took a bottle of hot sauce from the refrigerator. Elyse groaned in horror. “Oh, no. No, no. Tell me you‟re not going to spoil this beautiful dish by pouring that awful glop on it.” “It makes it taste better,” he insisted. “It enhances the flavor.” She wrinkled her nose. “Is that so, Mr. Food Network?” “You bet. Here, try some yourself.” He pretended he was about to sprinkle her plate with the red sauce. Elyse swept the plate up and out of his reach. “Not on your life!” She shook her head in disgust as he sat down laughing. She finished the rest of her meal quickly, with appetite, then wiped her mouth with one of the paper towels put out in place of napkins. “Uh, you got a little bit—” He pointed to a spot on his shirt where a blob of egg had fallen. “Oh, no.” She scrubbed at the spot with her paper towel. “Oh, your shirt. I‟m sorry.” “Forget it. It has to be washed anyway.” He couldn‟t hold back a smile. She hadn‟t changed, either. He couldn‟t forgo the hot sauce, and she couldn‟t eat without dropping something on herself. “Thank you for breakfast.” Elyse placed her 83

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utensils on her empty plate then picked them up and carried them to the sink. “Wish I had someone cook like that for me all the time.” “You‟ll get three squares a day, if you‟ll stay here with me.” The offer was out of his mouth before he had a chance to consider it, but Adam did not regret making it. Nor did he plan to rescind it. Elyse went still for a moment. Then she turned on the hot water and squirted some dish soap into the sink. “Since you‟re the cook, let me be the clean up crew today.” She came to the table to get Adam‟s things, her smile strained. He gently grasped her wrist. “Elyse. Stay.” She shook her head, her blond hair hiding her face. “This is not something we should be talking about.” “We agreed the past is out of bounds, and so is the future. All we have is right now. Well, I need you now,” Adam told her. “I need as much of you as I can get, for as long as now lasts.” “What about Jason?” Elyse asked. Adam felt himself tense. But he managed to keep his voice calm. “What about him?” She looked at him defiantly. “He‟s why I came back to town. He asked for my help, and I can‟t just abandon him.” For fuck‟s sake, what was that about? She talked about Devereaux as if he was a kid, tied to her apron strings. As if he couldn‟t manage on his own. “You won‟t. Spend as much time with him as you need.” Though Adam‟s guts burned hotter than hot sauce, he kept his cool. “As long as you‟re in my bed every morning and every night.” A shadow flitted across her face for a moment. His heart sank. Shit. She was going to say no. Her blue eyes sparked. “How‟s Kim going to feel 84

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about that?” He winced. Fuck. She‟d heard what Wash Boy said, all right. “It‟s like I told you the other day. Kim and I are not seeing each other anymore,” he said. Was Elyse jealous? He was flattered to think she might be, and a mean little part of him was even glad. Now she knew how he felt about Jason, in spite of her assurances there was no romance between them. “She‟s a friend.” Though Kim might not agree. “Like Jason is for you.” He couldn‟t resist getting in that last little dig. “Forget I said that,” Elyse broke in. “It‟s not my business—” “It is if I want to make it your business. You‟re the only woman I want, Elyse.” “For now,” she added quickly, as though to remind them both how temporary this was. “For now,” he agreed, but thinking, like hell. He‟d been stumbling around the past couple of days, not knowing what he was doing with Elyse, letting his dick—and his heart—lead the way. But from now on his head—the big one—was in charge. He‟d fucked things up with her two years ago. Now he had a chance to make things right. Starting now, he was going to do everything in his power to win her back for good.

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Chapter Eight “Well, I can‟t say I‟m surprised,” Jason remarked when Elyse returned to the hotel later that day and informed him she was staying with Adam for the rest of their visit. “You don‟t have to be so damn smug about it,” she grumbled, as she flopped onto his bed. “Leelee, it‟s obvious you still have feelings for the man.” He sank into the armchair near the bed. “Sexual feelings, that‟s all.” “Oh, really?” Jason looked at her in the obnoxiously supercilious way he sometimes had. She gritted her teeth. “Yes.” “And I suppose you think by doing this, you‟ll somehow work him out—or should I say fuck him out—of your system?” “Don‟t be crude.” Elyse turned up her nose. She could be supercilious, too. He laughed. “Oh, but I‟m right on the money, aren‟t I?” That was the trouble with best friends—they knew you too well. It was annoying. Still, Jason wasn‟t wrong. She would never be able to trust Adam—really trust him—again. Though she‟d agreed to stay with him, a hard kernel of anger still lay buried in her heart. Nonetheless, the pull between the two of them was strong, as strong as it had ever been. Elyse was caught between her anger and her lust. Maybe spending the next few days with Adam would free her. Maybe she really could fuck him out of her system. 86

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“Well, good luck,” Jason told her, again reading her mind. She stuck out her tongue at him. “Just be glad you don‟t have to pay for a second hotel room anymore.” “You think I care about that?” Jason shook his head with a sigh. “Leelee, when are you going to face facts? You are ass over teakettle in love with the man. That‟s the problem. Sex, darling, you can get anywhere, from anyone. It‟s that old black magic‟s got you in its spell…” “Uh-oh, he‟s gonna start singing now.” “No, I‟ll spare you. But be careful. You think you‟re taking the easy road. You might be fooling yourself.” That got her back up. “I could say the same to you.” Jason‟s shoulders stiffened. A little devil made Elyse ask, “How are things with you and Coop, anyway?” His gaze darted away. “Things are…progressing…” Her radar went off. “What‟s that mean?” “Debra‟s stalling.” Jason‟s handsome features turned morose. “She wants them to have another go at counseling.” “Well, for God‟s sake, why doesn‟t he come clean with the poor woman and tell her he‟s gay? It‟s so fucking unfair, the way he‟s playing the both of you—” “Stop it,” he told her harshly. But it wasn‟t the tone of Jason‟s voice that shut Elyse up. It was the pain she saw in his eyes. He must have realized how naked his expression was, because he looked away. “You don‟t hear me bad-mouthing your lover-boy, do you?” His voice was less rough now as he tried to calm himself. “No. I‟m sorry.” She wasn‟t sorry because her 87

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remarks were untrue. Rather, she was sorry they were true, and Jason knew it. The last thing Elyse wanted was to rub salt in his wound. She leaned forward and took his hand, pressing it for comfort. “I guess I don‟t understand. How can you still want him, after the way he hurt you?” He let go a sigh. “I love him. That‟s why. Couldn‟t you forgive Adam?” The question was moot. Adam didn‟t want forgiveness. He wanted an interlude of hot sex and no strings, which was fine with Elyse. Sex was all she wanted, too. Still the question niggled at her. Could she forgive Adam, if it came to that? She had no answer. **** That evening Adam had a surprise for her. “Well, this is different.” Elyse watched as he opened the picnic basket he‟d prepared. “I never thought of having a picnic in the middle of right field.” They sat on a blanket Adam spread in the grass of the town baseball field. An overcast gray sky threatened rain, meaning the field was deserted and they had the place to themselves. “Can‟t say I‟m not inventive,” he told her. “Why not just go to the park?” “People walk their dogs there, we‟d be taking too much of a chance. No animals allowed here. And look how lush and green the lawn is.” He waggled his eyebrows at her. “How soft.” Heat raced through her as she caught his meaning, but she rolled her eyes. “Dream on, dude.” She was just blowing smoke, because the thought of having Adam right here made her sex pulse with excitement. It wouldn‟t be the first time they‟d had sex out in the open. As a matter of fact, their most 88

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memorable public interlude had taken place at this very ball field, right in the dugout. Elyse had been terrified they might be caught, and somehow the danger made the experience more electrifying. The sex had been spectacular. But what she remembered most about that night was telling Adam she loved him. “You don‟t have to say it back,” she told him as she gently stroked his face. She straddled his lap, in the darkened dugout, her clothing askew. Elyse hadn‟t planned to tell him how she felt, although she‟d loved him for months. But tonight, as she was panting and gasping in the midst of her climax, the words simply erupted from her throat. “Oh, God, Adam! I love you!” He didn‟t answer. But it was all right. Elyse knew how he felt—he just couldn‟t say the words. Were the words really so important when everything he did told her how much he cared? The way he treated her, the way he touched her—those were his “I love you.” “I‟m not going to rush you,” she said. “I want you to know I‟m not going anywhere. I‟ll be right here, and someday I know you‟ll tell me that you love me, too.” But he never did. “Elyse.” Adam was holding out a plastic cup of wine. She took it and gulped a swallow. “Why are we here?” He seemed taken aback by her abrupt question. His hand hesitated as he spread some soft cheese on a cracker. “You telling me you don‟t remember?” He cut his eyes at the baseball dugout. Oh, she remembered all right. And those memories brought nothing but pain and confusion. She remembered it as the night she‟d laid her heart out for him, offering all the love she had. 89

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And all he remembered was a hot fuck. They said they‟d leave the past alone, but here they were, revisiting it. But the past never really stays there, Elyse supposed. It‟s always with us wherever we go. The only way to banish old memories was to create new ones. She nodded at the cheese cracker Adam held between his thumb and forefinger. “That for me?” He blinked. “Yeah. Sure.” Elyse took it, popped it into her mouth and chewed. “Mmm…” She swallowed, eyeing him and licking her lips. “Tasty.” He watched her, the knob of his Adam‟s apple bobbing in his throat as her tongue swept over her lips. “Elyse…” His voice was thick. “There‟s a reason I brought you here tonight…” “Mmm-hmm,” She murmured. She crawled across the blanket to him and knelt in front of him. “I‟ll bet there is. I‟ll bet it‟s the same thing I‟m thinking about right now.” She rubbed her hands over the soft cotton of the T-shirt covering his broad chest. She wasn‟t about to let him know how the memory of that night hurt her. She‟d never give him that power over her again. He thought bringing her here would get her hot and horny. Well, fine. She‟d give him what he wanted, and get something for herself as well. Elyse thrust her hands under his shirt, palming the warm skin and the crinkly hair on his chest. He grasped her wrists. “I want to—” “I know. So do I.” She shut him up by clamping her mouth to his and pushing her tongue inside. When she pulled away, they were both gasping for breath. “I want to fuck. Come on.” She tugged his hand, and he got to his feet, 90

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following her like a robot as she led him to the wire backstop behind home plate. It was too easy. Get a man hot, and you could lead him anywhere by his dick. “C‟mere.” Elyse leaned against the backstop and grabbed a handful of Adam‟s shirt, pulling him against her. With one hand tangled in his shirt and the other on his belt buckle, Elyse was in charge. She intended to rid herself of those memories completely. Adam never wanted to hear that she loved him—she‟d been kidding herself. She‟d been stupid. Well, no more. This time with Adam was just about sex. She‟d get him out of her system, once and for all—even if she had to, as Jason put it, fuck him out. “Elyse—” He tried to speak, but she wouldn‟t let him finish. She mashed her lips against his angrily, as if to punish him. Why wasn‟t she over him? Why couldn‟t she let him go? “Shut up,” she told him, her tone harsh. “Don‟t talk.” Both hands were on his buckle now, undoing it and unzipping his fly. “Do me. Do me right here.” He let go a ragged breath. His eyes ignited with lust and something else—anger? But Elyse had no time to puzzle over it. Adam was grasping her breasts in his big hands and kneading them, while his mouth ate at hers. His breath gusted her face. “This is what you want? Like this?” “Yeah.” She had worked his cock free of his briefs, and was stroking his velvety hardness none too gently. “Just like that. Come on.” His hand was under her skirt, pulling aside the crotch of her panties, playing with her slick pussy. “Mmm, so wet for me.” “Yeah,” Elyse panted, rubbing against his fingers. “Ah!” A mini-orgasm crackled through her, 91

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an electric shock presaging more to come. Pushing up her shirt and bra, Adam tugged at the tight hard knots of her nipples. He pinched one between his fingers while he sucked the other into his mouth, hard at first, then gently, so gently. As Adam sweetly suckled her nipples, Elyse felt herself growing melty and soft, like taffy in the sun. “Now,” she told him, pleading. “Please.” “This way.” He surprised her by whirling her around so she was facing the backstop, her fingers clawing the wire fence. He bent her over, shoved her skirt above her ass, and pulled down her panties. The panties impeded her from taking a wide enough stance, so Adam simply tore a seam to let them slide down her leg. Elyse didn‟t care. She was crazy with need and only cared about him getting inside her. She wiggled her bare behind. “Come on.” She heard the crinkle of the condom wrapper, and then felt his latex-covered shaft rubbing against her slippery heat. “Ah…” “You want this?” His breath was hot in her ear. “Oh, yeah.” “Show me.” She pushed back against his cock, urging him to thrust inside her. “Come on.” The ache inside her grew and grew, an itch that so needed to be scratched it was driving her insane. “Tell me,” he demanded. “Put your hard cock in me,” she panted. “I need it. I need it, Adam!” “Oh, yeah.” In one glorious thrust, he was home. They both groaned at the sensation. Elyse was in heaven, chock full of him. Her inner muscles rippled around him, holding him tight. A cold wet drop fell on her neck. Rain? She was surprised it didn‟t sizzle into steam as it landed on her hot skin. 92

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“Yeah,” he repeated, sighing. “Your pussy‟s so wet for me, baby. I love it.” Elyse‟s voice was hoarse. “Now you got it in there, make it work, stud.” She lifted her head, and a few more random raindrops plopped onto her face. “With pleasure.” Grasping her hips, he pumped in and out with vigor. He was gripping her so tightly, Elyse knew she‟d find bruises on her skin tomorrow. Her head drooped on her neck as he pounded her. The rain fell gently now, steadily, but she hardly noticed as her need burned hotter and hotter. “You close?” he asked, his breath gusting her neck. “Yes…” “I‟m gonna blow. Rub your clit, come with me.” One hand clutched the wire backstop as she moved the other between her legs. She touched her swollen clit, which was tingling with need. In no time at all she toppled into orgasm, the ripples shivering through her. Only Adam‟s hands kept her from collapsing onto the ground. He came right after her, his legs trembling and his cock pulsing inside her. Elyse sagged against the backstop, Adam leaning into her from behind, both of them breathing hard. “You‟re squashing me,” she finally laughed. They were both wet, their clothing clinging to them. “Sorry.” He slipped out of her and pulled away, removing the used rubber and letting it fall on the grass. Elyse stepped out of what used to be her panties, looking at the two items on the dirt—they told quite a story. “Let‟s leave them there.” Adam wore a wicked grin as he pushed wet hair back from his face. “Give whoever finds them something to talk about.” He sounded like a horny teenager. It was up to 93

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Elyse to be the responsible one. “No, that‟s gross. What if it‟s kids who come along?” She straightened her clothes and used the panties to pick up and wrap the condom. As she deposited them deep into a trash bin, rain suddenly began sluicing down from the sky. Elyse screamed and Adam swore, laughing at the same time. He ran to grab their basket and blanket while she raced for the truck, screaming again when she found he‟d locked the doors. They were both laughing and cursing by the time they tumbled, soaked to the skin, into the truck‟s cab. Adam kissed Elyse‟s cold wet lips, and licked the rain from her throat. “Mmm. You taste good.” Then he frowned. “You‟re shivering.” “It‟s a good shiver,” she assured him. All the same, he turned on the heat and handed her the blanket to use as a makeshift towel. “Here. Dry off.” She patted off most of the wetness, then dried him as well. As she toweled his face, he wore a lopsided smile. “Well, that was some picnic,” he said. “Pretty suckworthy planning on my part. Should have checked the Weather Channel, huh?” “What are you talking about? I think it was very…memorable.” She gave him a playfully sultry look. “And there‟s no reason we can‟t finish it up right here.” She placed the basket on her lap. “Elyse…” His expression was serious again, and her heart fluttered. No. She didn‟t want serious. She wanted light and fun, period. Light and fun and sexy. “Ssshhh,” she told him, to forestall whatever it was he wanted to say. She took something from the basket popped it into his mouth. “Have a cracker.”

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Chapter Nine They‟d had a quiet evening when they returned from the ballpark, and the next morning Elyse was still sleeping—or pretending to sleep—when Adam left for work. Adam wouldn‟t put it past her, trying to fake him out. She‟d done everything possible yesterday to avoid a serious conversation with him. He wasn‟t stupid—he knew Elyse was using sex to keep him at arm‟s length. Not that he was making it hard for her. That was the problem. He was hard for her, anytime, anywhere. But there was a lot more to it. He loved her. It wasn‟t a sudden realization. When she left him two years ago, he knew exactly what he‟d lost. Sure, he tried to hide from it with anger and cynicism, shooting off his mouth and being an asshole. But Matthew had seen through it and so had Kim. He‟d only been fooling himself. Now things had changed. He had taken Elyse to the ball field last night because of the memories the place held. She told him she loved him there, and he‟d intended to say those same words to her last night. But he let her distract him. Adam was determined. Tonight he was taking Elyse on a real date, and they‟d have fun like a normal couple, instead of behaving like a pair of sex maniacs. When he got home from work, he didn‟t grab a beer and flop onto the sofa, as he ordinarily might have done. Instead he headed to the bathroom, showered and shaved and changed into a fresh set of clothes. 95

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“Hey, what‟s up?” Elyse asked, her eyes widening at his spiffed-up appearance. She was sitting on the sofa, working on her laptop. “Turn off the computer,” he told her. “We‟re going out tonight.” **** Just like that. Not a request, an announcement. Mr. Bossy was in good form. “Out?” She looked down at her outfit—jeans and a sweater. “But I‟m—” “You‟re fine,” he told her. “It‟s casual.” Elyse discovered where he was taking her when she saw the signs for St. Dominick‟s Church Festival. Parking was scarce, and they had to pull in far down the street and hike the extra blocks to the feast. They walked hand in hand like a couple of shy middle-schoolers out on their first date. “Wow. It‟s been years since I‟ve been to one of these,” Elyse murmured. “Not since I was a kid.” She felt like a kid, too, wanting to play all the games, go on all the rides, and taste all the treats. She kept a tight hold on Adam‟s hand as she dragged him from booth to booth. They shouldered their way through the crowd, tempted by the tantalizing smells of french fries, pizza, and Blooming Onions. They stuffed themselves with fried dough sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar, sausage and pepper sandwiches, cotton candy. After Elyse lost five dollars on the roulette wheel, Adam pulled her away to get some beer and listen to the band. People laughed with their friends, festival barkers urged people to try their games, children cried because they were tired or lost their balloons. As it grew dark, red and white lights twinkled and blinked. “What‟s the matter?” Elyse noticed Adam was a little wobbly after they got off the tilt-a-whirl. It was her idea to go on twice, though Adam tried to beg off 96

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by saying he wanted another beer. This was after they‟d gone on the Ferris wheel and the tea cups, all at Elyse‟s insistence. “What?” he replied, swallowing hard. “No, nothing.” “Are you sure?” Even in the dark, Elyse saw his face was pale and sweaty. He held up a finger. “One sec.” His throat worked, his Adam‟s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed hard several times. A moment later he said, “We better go.” They had almost made it to the truck when Adam upchucked the evening‟s splurge in the gutter. Elyse rubbed his back in sympathy as he wiped his mouth. “Better now?” “Yeah, a little.” “Want me to drive us home?” Adam gave her an are you kidding? look. He was back in manly man mode and not about to let anyone behind the wheel of his truck, even if he was still green around the gills. “Nope. Let‟s go.” Elyse held back a sigh as he helped her into the truck. **** She placed a cup of tea in Adam‟s hand and sat in the chair across from him, peering at him in concern. He lay on the faded brocade sofa, his large frame dwarfing the spindly-legged thing. His face was still pale, his forehead creased in concentration as he focused all his effort on not throwing up again. He grimaced. “This is so frigging embarrassing.” “Take it easy, it‟s no big deal.” Elyse knew he hated seeming weak, not in control. But she liked doing little things for him, like making him tea. Taking care of him. He took a swallow of the tea. “Better?” she asked. Adam nodded. “Thanks.” He took another sip. 97

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“Those sausage and peppers must have been off.” “Really? I had some too, and I feel fine.” A little smile crept across her face. “Why don‟t you admit what really made you sick, tough guy?” He gave her a cagey look. “What‟re you talking about?” “Those crazy carnival rides. You were looking pretty green after we got off the Ferris wheel. But I think the tilt-a-whirl really sent you over the edge.” “Shit.” Turning red, he set the cup on the coffee table. “Busted.” “Does anything that spins set you off?” “Yeah,” he admitted in a gloomy tone. “I can barely stomach a frickin‟ merry-go-round.” “I did notice how tightly you were holding my hand on the Ferris wheel.” She had to laugh. “Stupid me, I thought you were trying to be romantic.” “Sorry. It was pure terror. Do your fingers still work?” “Yeah. They‟re fine.” She waggled them to prove the point. “Why didn‟t you say something?” “I didn‟t want to spoil your fun,” he grumbled. “How was I to know my little computer geek liked all those gut-wrenching rides?” At her look he added, “All right, fine, I didn‟t want to look like a big wuss.” “Come on, you‟re too sensitive.” She moved over to him and patted his knee. “Let me assure you that I think no less of you as a man, in spite of you puking your guts out. I still respect you,” she intoned with a straight face. He scowled at her. “Ha ha. You got jokes.” Suddenly he grabbed her and pulled her down on top of him. “Come here, smart-ass.” Her heart thumped as she fell onto him and he captured her mouth. As she pressed against him sparks zipped through her, from her lips to her breasts, her pussy, the very soles of her feet. Same old, same old…all he had to do was touch her. 98

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The corner of his mouth lifted. “Thanks for taking care of me.” “It‟s not so bad, is it?” Elyse asked, playing with the top button of his shirt. He took her hand, stilling it. “What?” “Needing somebody,” she answered, staring him dead in the eye. She knew how hard it was for him. To need anyone. To trust anyone. Every bit as hard as it was for her. She pulled her hand from his and leaned back to unbutton the first button of his shirt, then the second. Blood pumped through her veins as slow and sweet as syrup. He caught her hand again. “What are you doing?” “I would think it‟s obvious.” She rubbed against him, his hard cock jutting against her belly. “Don‟t you want to?” “Let me ask you something, Elyse.” There was no mistaking the annoyance in his hard expression or his tone of voice. “Is that all we have? Sex?” She moved off him to a corner of the sofa, suddenly on edge. “You‟re objecting to sex now?” “I‟m not objecting. I‟m asking a question.” “Yeah, and I don‟t see the point.” Was he asking if she had feelings for him? Since when had he cared? She wasn‟t going down that road again. No way. “The point is I want to know if you think of me as anything besides a great big dildo.” “This is crazy.” Elyse threw her arms up impatiently. “I want to screw, and suddenly you‟re all pissed off.” “Who said I was?” He demanded, clearly pissed off. “And why do you have to say it like that?” “Like what?” “You want to screw. You want to fuck. Why do you have to make it so dirty?” 99

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Elyse wondered what alternate universe she had fallen into—and how to escape. “What do you want me to say? Let‟s copulate? Fornicate? Have sexual intercourse? Make looove?” She drew out the last word mockingly. “Is that so terrible?” he asked, watching her intently, his voice quiet. “To call it making love?” She had no intention of answering that. She‟d put her heart out there once and gotten it stomped on. Never again. Sex was good between them. It was safe. Why was he trying to mess with it now? Adam began tearing at his buttons so fiercely a couple of them popped off. Elyse stared at him. “What are you doing?” He tossed the shirt on the floor. “I thought you wanted to screw.” He kicked his shoes off and pulled off his socks, flinging them across the room. He popped the button on his fly, edged down the zipper, and gave her a look. “You change your mind?” She stared at him, her hands curling helplessly into fists. He shrugged. “Whatever.” She called to him as he headed barefoot for the bedroom. “Adam.” He didn‟t stop. Elyse hopped to her feet and followed him. “Hey!” Adam turned so suddenly Elyse nearly collided with him. “What?” “I had a really nice time tonight.” Her voice was quiet. She didn‟t want to argue with him. Nor did she want to get into some serious discussion about what it all meant. “Please, let‟s not spoil it.” He stared at her as if waiting for her to say more, or wanting to say something himself. But all he finally said was “I had fun, too.” His mouth quirked. “Well, aside from the hurling.” 100

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He gave her a half-smile, but there was a shadow of sadness on his face. She wanted to do something to chase the sadness away, so she took his hand, and they walked together to the bedroom. When they reached it, Elyse kissed Adam softly and sweetly on the jaw. “Do you want to…just hold each other?” She almost wanted to roll her eyes. It sounded so damn sophomoric. But he needed something more tonight than sex, and Elyse, in spite of herself, wanted to give him that. “I‟d like that,” he answered. Their hands parted, and they moved to stand on opposite sides of the bed. He took off his pants and slid into bed in his briefs, and she, taking his hint, did not get naked. Nudity was too suggestive of sex, and tonight was about a different kind of intimacy. She took off her jeans, socks, and bra, and crawled in on her side wearing her shirt and panties. They lay side by side, arms wrapped around each other, not speaking. It was a long time before either of them slept. **** Meet me for coffee. 3:30. Jason sent her the text the next morning, after Adam left for work. When Elyse arrived at the hotel, he did not take her to the charming little coffee shop downstairs, or to one of the others in town. Instead he escorted her to his black BMW, and they drove to a place some twenty miles away. “How‟s this?” he asked as he pulled into the lot and parked, clearly not expecting an answer. Elyse was silent as she descended from the vehicle. Something was very wrong. Jason was not himself. Today he was not the easy-going charmer, the wise-ass, the clever character with a ready quip at the tip of his tongue. He was in his own world. The ride over had been quiet, except for the 101

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classical music from the CD player. Jason had responded to Elyse‟s attempts at conversation with polite but clipped responses. It wasn‟t like Jason to be rude. Elyse knew something was troubling him. And she knew what it was as soon as they walked inside. Cooper Caddiman was at a corner booth with his back to the door, seated across from a slim young man. Elyse looked quickly at Jason, who evinced not the slightest surprise. He took her arm, leading her to a table as far from Coop and his friend as the small shop allowed. He had Elyse sit so she was facing the other men, while he had his back toward them. She glanced at Coop, and then back at Jason, whose face was tight with anger. “You knew he‟d be here?” she asked. “I knew.” His tone was full of weary disgust. “Maybe it‟s nothing.” But even she didn‟t believe it. Elyse looked at the two men and it was obvious they were flirting, if that was the right term. Coop more so than the other guy, a slim redhead who seemed more reserved. He sat with his back pressed against the bench while Coop leaned forward over the table. Yeah, he was pouring it on thick. He reminded Elyse of the young guy at Hanover‟s, who‟d been trying to impress his date with the Facebook stuff. “If it was nothing, he would have told me about it,” Jason answered. “He wouldn‟t sneak someplace out of town, after telling me he had to meet with his lawyers.” He smirked. “Well, you‟re now officially entitled to say I told you so.” Elyse shook her head. “I have no intention of saying that.” There was plenty she‟d like to say to Coop, though. Most of it profane. “You should. I deserve it. I‟ve been an idiot.” Jason sighed. “I promised you coffee. Do you want to 102

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order something?” “No,” she said. “But I do want to go over there and knee Coop in the nuts for you.” Jason tilted his head and gave her a little smile. “Aw, you‟re sweet.” Elyse frowned, turning somber. “Do you want to go?” “Now, honey, do you think I dragged you all this way just so you could watch me crawl home with my tail between my legs?” Her spirits lifted immediately. Now this was the Jason she knew and loved. Clever, crafty, and maniacal. “Go up to the counter and get us a couple of coffees, will you, hon? We can‟t sit here and not buy something.” Elyse went up to place the order and came back with two coffees and a couple of oatmeal cookies. “Thanks,” Jason said. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket, pushed a few buttons, and brought the phone to his ear. “Now let‟s see if asshole picks up.” Elyse went still. Coop must have had his cell on vibrate, because there was no ring tone. After a few moments he excused himself to his friend, looked at his phone and frowned, then slipped it into his jacket pocket. “He‟s not picking up,” she murmured. Jason spoke at the same time. “It sent me to voice mail. Prick.” He began tapping the keys. “All right. Let‟s see if he responds to this.” “What are you—” He showed her the words he‟d typed onto the tiny screen: What the fuck r u doing? Elyse watched Coop pick up his phone, and glance at the screen. Jason read what was texted back to him. Busy with lawyers. TTYL. Jason typed and spoke at the same time. “Look 103

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behind u, asshole.” He pushed send and swiveled in his seat. Coop looked at his phone. His head jerked up as he nervously scanned the room. He froze when he saw Jason staring at him. “Busted.” Elyse hissed. Jason rose from his chair and strode to other side of the room. Coop stood also, at first stammering lame excuses, then trying to turn the tables, blaming Jason for “spying” on him. The redhead stared on, wide-eyed with confusion, along with the other customers and the baristas. Jason met the bluster with complete silence. When Coop winded himself, having run out of excuses and accusations, Jason picked up Coop‟s ceramic mug and tossed the contents in his face. Then he turned toward the front counter with his hands up, palms out signaling I‟m harmless. “It‟s all right, I‟m leaving right now,” he told the baristas, as though they‟d threatened to call the police instead of standing immobilized with shock. “Let‟s go,” he told Elyse as he stalked to the entrance. She grabbed the cookies and stuffed them in her purse as she hustled after him.

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Chapter Ten Adam looked at his watch, then at the clock on the kitchen wall. Eight-fifteen. No, seventeen. And Elyse had promised to be home by seven o‟clock. He tossed aside the dish towel he‟d used for wiping up. That‟s what he‟d been doing while waiting for her, compulsively cleaning, in between trying to reach Elyse on her cell and constantly checking the clock. The oven was on warm, but the pork roast he‟d cooked over an hour ago was probably as dry and tough as shoe leather. The scalloped potatoes meant to accompany it were crusty and hard, the green beans limp and gray. Fuck it. He‟d wanted everything to be special tonight, perfect, especially after the last couple of nights. He was going to lay it all on the line this evening, tell Elyse how much he loved her. Ask her to stay with him—not for just a week, but forever. If she wanted, they could move in together, live together, get married, whatever. He was ready to go as fast or as slow as she wanted. All he wanted was her. But he should have known she‟d blow him off. All week long he‟d wanted to tell her how he felt, and she‟d managed to cut him off at the pass every time. Now she pulled this crap. He looked at the table he‟d set with his mother‟s good crystal and china, and real cloth napkins. He‟d placed a centerpiece of roses on the table next to a bottle of that pink wine she liked—white zinfandel. Adam shook his head in self-disgust. What an almighty fuckhead he was. 105

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He slammed open the oven door and pulled out the roasting pan, dumping the pork into the garbage, tossing the pan into the sink. It spattered grease on its way, and rang with a satisfying clank as it landed. The potatoes were like glue, so they went into the garbage, pan and all. The green beans followed. Grabbing the wine bottle, he uncorked it with a few angry twists, saluted the roasting pan in the sink, and took several deep swallows. The wine did nothing to cool the rage blistering his guts. His mouth twisted at the sweetness of the wine. He‟d have pretended to like it for Elyse‟s sake, but there was no need for pretending now. She wasn‟t here. No use in pretending at all. He knew where she was, and she knew he knew. She had not turned her cell off accidentally. She was still punishing him, still trying to make him pay for what happened two years ago. She was with Jason. Her best friend. Jason‟s hands touching her, grasping Elyse‟s hips as she moved on top of him. Elyse shuddering as her climax hit unexpectedly… The memory hit Adam like a punch in the gut, almost doubling him over. A sour burn rose in his throat, and sweat popped out on his upper lip. This was bullshit. He was not going to hang around here like some fucking dickless wonder, waiting for her to come home, imagining the worst. Hell, no. He wasn‟t waiting any longer. He was going to track her down and have this out, once and for all. **** “I don‟t think oatmeal cookies and gin are such a good combination,” Elyse said, brushing some crumbs from her shirt. They were back at the hotel again, in Jason‟s room, lounging on his bed and getting wasted on 106

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what they scavenged from the mini-bar. Elyse was alternating sips of a G&T with bites of her cookie. “Try it with the whiskey,” Jason told her, lifting his own glass. “It‟s not bad.” She frowned. She was semi-drunk, and Jason had emptied a lot more bottles than she had. “We should slow down.” Meaning he should. “Nah,” he answered. “Still a lot more of those little soldiers to kill.” “You‟re gonna clean out the mini-bar?” Her eyes bugged. “That‟s the plan, sis.” “It‟ll cost a fortune. It‟d be cheaper to go down to the bar and drink there,” she reasoned, although her faculties were rather muzzy at the moment. “They might cut me off. I want to drink „til I pass out.” He drained his glass and clapped it on the nightstand. “Blessed oblivion.” Jason closed his eyes and laid his head on the pillow, his left hand splayed on his chest. They sank into silence. Elyse thought her friend had fallen asleep, until he spoke again. “He could come after me, you know.” “Who?” “Coop. Legally, I mean. What I did could be considered assault.” Elyse looked at him. “Throwing a drink? Nah.” “If it had been hot, he might have been burned.” “But he wasn‟t.” “No. But if it had been, it wouldn‟t have stopped me. I was that angry,” he said. “I wasn‟t thinking.” “He won‟t come after you,” Elyse assured him. “He‟s not about to out himself. He‟s too afraid to give Debra and her lawyers that sort of ammunition.” “I‟m so stupid,” he muttered. “So stupid to let myself do that. So stupid to fall for his lies. Again.” “You trusted him. You didn‟t know.” “I did know. I knew two years ago when he was 107

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fucking me, telling me he loved me, while the whole time he was planning to marry Debra. He showed me who he was then. But I didn‟t want to believe it.” Jason turned his face away from Elyse, his eyes still squeezed shut, but she saw the wetness gathering under his lashes. “Come here,” she murmured, tugging at him until he rolled toward her and rested his head on her breasts. She combed her fingers gently through his hair. “He never really wanted me back,” Jason told her, his voice muffled. “He was already hooking up with guys he met over the internet. But I was the one who got away. He just wanted to see if he could reel me back in.” “He sucks,” Elyse kissed the top of her friend‟s head, and lay her cheek there. “He‟s a shit.” “What does it say about me, that I fell for his shit so easily?” Jason sat up and glared at her, his eyes red. Elyse knew he was not angry at her, but at himself. “He never really wanted me back. Having me here cramped his style—he had to sneak off to make his secret calls and arrange his play dates.” “How‟d you find out?” “I hacked into his PC. Well, maybe hacked is not the right word. I figured out his password…the name of his dog when he was a kid. Bunky. God, the man is so predictable. Once I got in, it wasn‟t hard to find out about the other men. And about the meeting today with what‟s-his-name.” “So all the stuff he‟s been saying about not wanting to come out—” “Oh, he‟s still keeping it on the low—at least to his wife. But on the web, and anywhere out of town, he‟s as queer as the proverbial three dollar bill.” He sighed and lowered his head to her chest again. “So now you see how low I‟ve sunk. From defending the law to breaking it—assault with a lukewarm 108

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cappuccino and tampering with private property.” “I‟ll make your bail,” she said. Jason let go a long breath and squeezed her around the waist. “Thanks. You‟re a real friend.” They lay quietly for a time, until a rattle at the door roused them. “You expecting someone?” Elyse asked. “No. Maybe housekeeping. I should have put up the Do Not Disturb sign.” Jason sat up. “Unless…shit, it wouldn‟t be Coop, would it?” The rattle turned to pounding. Jason was in no condition to get up, so Elyse made her way over, none too steady on her feet. But not too unsteady to tear Coop a new one, just in case it was him at the door. “Hold on, damn it…” When she opened the door, Adam pushed by her and stormed into the room, his expression fierce. He stopped and his mouth fell open when he spotted Jason on the bed. The rumpled bedspread and flattened pillow provided clear evidence that another body had been beside him. Adam‟s face turned red with rage. “What the fuck are you doing?” Elyse gaped at him. “What are you doing here?” Suddenly she remembered—oh hell, she‟d told him she‟d be home by seven. He made a point before leaving this morning of telling her he was planning “something special.” After all of Jason‟s drama with Coop, she‟d completely forgotten. Shit. “What the fuck you think I‟m doing? I‟ve been waiting for you over an hour, Elyse. Nice way to blow me off. Thanks for answering your fucking phone, by the way.” “Jesus…” She scrabbled in her purse for her phone and flipped it open. Dead. When had she last charged it? “I‟m sorry. I didn‟t know it wasn‟t working. And 109

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I totally forgot about tonight. Something came up—” “What came up? Devereaux‟s cock? What the fuck were you doing in bed with him?” Jason levered himself up. “As trite as this may sound, it‟s not what it looks like.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed, and lowered his head into his hands with a groan. Adam‟s gaze swept the room, taking in the rumpled bedclothes and the empty mini-bar bottles lined up on the nightstand. “It looks like a fuckin‟ orgy, is what.” A muscle ticked in his jaw as he stared at Elyse. “An orgy, huh?” Elyse stared right back, her nerves alive with fury. Where the hell did he get off, barging in, making accusations? “Well, what is it you object to? That we‟re having one, or that we didn‟t include you this time?” **** It had been Adam‟s idea to go out clubbing that night. He had surprised Elyse, since he generally hated those meat-market hook-up joints. The music was too loud to talk over, and Adam wasn‟t much for dancing. When they went out for drinks, they usually went to one of a couple of low-key blue-collar bars Adam favored. Places where people were regulars, and everyone pretty much knew each other. Elyse was okay with that. She felt so lucky to have him in her life, she was usually on board with whatever he wanted to do. So she‟d dressed in her sexy chick clothes, wanting to look hot for him, and he approved. Then they caught cabs from one place to the next, laughing at the cheesiness of the bars and the desperation of the people. They got progressively more buzzed as the evening wore on, until they reached Baby Jane‟s. They were sitting at a little table in a darkened corner. Adam‟s hand caressed her knee. Elyse moved her legs apart slightly to give him better access, and 110

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he took full advantage, skimming his finger midway up her thigh and down again. Teasing her. He lowered his mouth to her ear and whispered, “If you could do any guy in here, who would it be?” Elyse laughed. She‟d had several cocktails and was enjoying herself. She felt light-headed and a little woozy, not only from the alcohol, but from the way Adam had danced with her, spinning and twirling her like on those TV dance shows. For someone who claimed to hate dancing, he was pretty good at it. She took another sip of her vodka and cranberry. Now what was his question again? Oh yeah. “You, of course. Duh.” She grabbed his chin and smooched him noisily. Adam rubbed his lips against hers. “No, I mean—somebody else.” “What?” she laughed again. “You‟re crazy.” “Come on,” he urged. “Let‟s play a game. Just for fun. You up for it?” It was their code. They often issued each other this challenge. She and Adam sometimes played little games to put them in a sexual frame of mind and get each other hot. Although between the alcohol and the way he was looking at her tonight, Elyse hardly needed any sexy games to get her in the mood. “Bring it, Vostek.” “Okay. If you weren‟t with me. Who‟d you go home with?” She gave him a teasing sidelong look. “Who‟d you go home with?” He snorted. “No one here looks half as good as you.” His words warmed her. “Uh-uh. No fair. You‟ve got to pick somebody. How about the girl at that table over there?” Elyse discreetly indicated a slim girl with purple hair and heavy black eye makeup. “The Goth?” Adam smirked. “No thanks. There‟s 111

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probably not an inch of her body that‟s not tattooed or pierced. I bet she can‟t go to the airport without setting off every alarm in the place.” “Well, what about the redhead sitting next to her?” “Do I look that desperate? Her tits are practically falling out of her dress.” Elyse elbowed him. “Don‟t be disgusting. They‟re called breasts.” “You have breasts,” he murmured. “Believe me, those are tits. She‟s gonna poke somebody‟s eye out in a minute. Sleazy.” She drew her fingernail up Adam‟s thigh. “I thought guys loved sleazy.” He drew himself up in mock indignation. “Please. I have standards.” He stilled her hand. “Enough. Anyway, I asked you first.” His persistent fingers dipped under her short skirt, tickling and teasing. They did things like this sometimes, whispered naughty secrets to each other. Sometimes they took turns naming which famous movie star each of them would sleep with, if the chance arose. Or sometimes they limited it—for example, “Which of the characters from Mad Men would you have sex with?” But these games were simply silly fun—they always made it about actors or celebrities or television characters. Never people in their circle or anyone they knew. It was the first time they‟d ever played the game like this. But Elyse wasn‟t about to chicken out. Anyway, she trusted Adam. She began to relax and get into the spirit of it. “What about the guy over there?” Adam smoothed his hand up her leg and nodded toward the dance floor to a man with spiky blond hair. “Ugh.” She screwed up her face. “No way. He‟s too into himself. Thinks he‟s God‟s gift.” 112

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“How come?” “Well, look at how he‟s dancing. Like his partner‟s not even there. He‟s practically yelling „look at me, everybody.‟” “Hmm.” Adam nuzzled her neck as his hand moved to her pussy and his middle finger flicked her clit. She drew in her breath with a hiss, and bit her lip. “What about the one near the bar?” He indicated a big man leaning against the bar with dark shaggy hair. The arms crossed over his chest looked as thick as tree trunks. Elyse swallowed hard. Adam‟s finger danced up to her sweet spot, and rubbed just a little. “You think he‟s sexy?” “Yeah, but scary, too,” she answered, her voice trembling. The guy had a scowl on his face as he looked around the dance floor. Adam leaned close again. “Maybe you like scary.” He nipped her earlobe. She jumped. “Ow! Not that scary. He looks like he‟d drag a woman off by her hair.” He dipped his hand and teased her clit again. “That could be fun.” “Oh! Adam, don‟t.” She tried to scoot her chair away from his. “People can see.” “It‟s dark, and nobody‟s looking at us, anyway.” He scraped his own chair closer. “Let me put my arm around you like this. Now turn this way. It just looks like I‟m holding you.” Elyse did as he asked. Who was she fooling? She wanted to give in. It was fear of being observed that made her protest. But that same fear also sent a thrill zinging up her spine. He had teased her to the point where she was primed to go off at any moment, and his naughty suggestions, though embarrassing, made her even hotter. Adam thought he was in charge of this game, but 113

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maybe she could change things up and turn the tables on him. As Elyse opened her legs, allowing him to play with her again, she whispered, “That dude over there. I‟d do him.” Adam‟s fingers faltered. “Who?” “Sitting at the bar. In the nice suit. He‟s hot. I‟d sleep with him in a second.” Ha ha. Adam thought he was so clever, but two could play this game. “Yeah? He looks kind of slick if you ask me, but if that‟s what you go for—” “Uh-huh…” She was finding it hard to speak. Adam‟s finger kept circling her clit over her panties. “You‟d let him do this to you, huh? You‟d like that? You‟d like for him to touch you like this?” His voice was hoarse. Elyse hid her face against his shoulder, squeezing her eyes shut. “Maybe you‟d like him to do this, while I do this.” Adam pinched her clit with one hand while his other hand pinched her nipple. Elyse sank her teeth into Adam‟s shirt as she came, spasms rocketing through her. “Jesus…” she whispered, as she came back to herself. “You‟re telling me,” Adam rumbled. “I think you took a chunk outta me there.” “Sorry.” She pulled back from him in a daze. Though he‟d made her come spectacularly, emotionally she felt off-center. To say he‟d surprised her was a complete understatement. Adam had never indicated he‟d imagined her with another guy, watching her or sharing her. Her heart thudded in her ears. Was that something he wanted? And Elyse had surprised herself as well. She couldn‟t say she‟d never imagined being with two guys at once, but it was only a fantasy. It wasn‟t anything she‟d want to do for real. It was the 114

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unexpectedness of the suggestion, and its taboo aspect, that made her come so hard. Adam was watching her closely, concern and maybe something else in his gaze. Had he been surprised as well? “Are you all right?” “Yeah. Okay.” Her voice shook as she reached for her cocktail, and swallowed the remainder of it. Pushing her hair back from her face, she placed the glass back down on the table top, her hand trembling so she almost overturned it. “Whoa. That was…” She didn‟t know how to finish the statement.” “We‟re playing, that‟s all,” he assured her, his voice low. He let his fingers thread through her hair and drift down her back. Yes, playing. They‟d just gone a little farther than usual this time. But it was all right. They could always pull back when they wanted. And she was safe with Adam, even though at the moment she felt strangely distant from him. “Let me get you another one of those,” he said, nodding at her empty glass. Yes. She wanted another drink. Her buzz had faded and she wanted it back. She wanted this strange feeling to disappear and to recapture her mellow mood. “Sure.” She smiled at Adam and handed him the glass. He gave her a peck on the lips as he pushed out his chair. Elyse shook her head to clear it. She felt shaky, but not because of too much alcohol—it was from unease, and maybe even a little fear. Adam was in a strange mood tonight, and she didn‟t know what was driving him. When she glanced over to the bar where he stood, her heart stopped. He was speaking to the man she‟d pointed out earlier, the one he thought looked slick. As though they felt her gaze on them, the two men 115

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turned and looked at her. Elyse stopped breathing. What the hell was Adam doing?

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Chapter Eleven Adam jerked back as if he‟d been struck. Jason groaned again and gagged, holding his hand over his mouth while he ran to the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. Adam and Elyse glanced at him simultaneously, then looked back at each other. “Get real, Adam,” Elyse said. “You can see Jason and I are both fully dressed. Does it really look like we were doing the down and dirty?” “Maybe I arrived a little too early. Before the main action started.” He gestured with his chin to the bottles by the bed. “Looks like you two were doing your best to get into a party mood.” Muffled sounds of gagging and heaving came from behind the bathroom door. “Yeah, some party,” she muttered. “Look, something happened today. Something very upsetting.” Adam took a step toward her, his features softening with concern. “Upsetting? To you? What happened?” “Not to me, to Jason. He‟s been hurt. He needed me. That‟s why I‟m here. I completely forgot ab—” “He needed you,” Adam interrupted, his voice dull. “It‟s always about Devereaux, isn‟t it?” “He‟s my friend,” Elyse snapped. If her eyes had been lasers, he‟d have been reduced to ash. “He‟s the only reason I came back to this crappy town.” She was glad when Adam flinched at her words. Good. She‟d hurt him. She wanted to hurt him the way he‟d hurt her—no, destroyed her—two years ago. “I 117

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told you I‟d be spending time with him, and you were okay with that.” “We‟d agreed you‟d see him, yeah, but you also agreed you‟d be in my bed at the end of the day. Not rolling around in his.” “Oh, we‟re back to that.” Elyse was so full of disgust she couldn‟t even look at Adam. “You never answered my question before. Are you pissed that I‟m here, or pissed you weren‟t invited?” “For fuck‟s sake, Elyse—” “You hypocritical son of a bitch! You are so full of shit!” she screamed. Her face was on fire, and her eyes burned with tears of rage. But she would not cry, hell no. She would not show him how he had devastated her. “How the fuck do you justify barging in here and acting like some goddamn caveman around Jason, when you couldn‟t wait to throw me at him two years ago?” Adam went still. The blood drained from his face. “I thought we weren‟t going to bring up—” “Well, I want to bring it up! I want to rub your fucking face in it. You shared me with him. It was your idea. You suggested it. You pushed for it. And now you come in like you‟re the injured party, you‟re the one who‟s being cheated on. How fucking messed up is that?” Adam‟s lips barely moved when he spoke. If Elyse was fire, he was ice. “You didn‟t say no.” **** The two men returned to the table and Elyse‟s pulse began to flutter. The man from the bar had looked good from a distance, but up close he was absolutely gorgeous. Dark hair, brilliant blue eyes, and when he smiled briefly, deep dimples on either side of his mouth. Elyse smiled back at the man, who settled in the chair across the table. Adam took his own seat next to 118

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her. She slid Adam a look that said what‟s going on? His large hand caressed the back of her neck. “Babe, this is Jason Devereaux.” “Yeah…hi,” Elyse murmured, her nervous gaze bouncing back to Adam. He finished the introductions, addressing the man. “This is my lady, Elyse.” “Pleasure to meet you,” Jason told her, in a voice guaranteed to melt a woman‟s panties. Wow. The guy had it all, great looks, incredible voice, and impeccable manners. Again Elyse looked at Adam and nodded at the martini glass in his hand. “That for me?” she asked, taking it from him and downing a healthy swallow. She needed alcohol, and quickly. Elyse was too intent on getting her buzz back to pay much note to the next bit of conversation, but as it turned out, Adam and Jason Devereaux were not complete strangers. They‟d been in high school together. “Same class, even,” Adam said. “Not that we ran with the same crowd. Jase here was one of the popular guys—football team, student council, yearbook committee, all that.” Was there a tinge of jealousy in Adam‟s voice? If Jason objected to being referred to as “Jase”, he was polite enough not to show it. He shrugged the rest of it away, as though it didn‟t matter. “Who remembers that far back?” “What crowd did you run with?” Elyse asked Adam. “Oh, I was so far out in Loserville I didn‟t even have a crowd. School for me was just a place to mark time „til the last bell rang. Jase, here, though—it was different for him. All the guys wanted to be his best bud, and all the girls wanted to date him.” Jason‟s smile was thin. “Like I said, a million 119

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years ago.” “He was smart as hell, too, not a dumbass like me. He‟s a lawyer now, you know. It‟s pretty wild, running into you here, after all this time.” “Yes. I work in Albany now. I happen to be back in town for a few days.” To steer the conversation away from the past, which seemed to make Jason uncomfortable, Elyse questioned him about where he lived now and the kind of law he practiced. In turn, he asked about her life, what she was studying in college, and the conversation progressed from there. Adam was mostly silent, rubbing her back, and getting more drinks for them as the night wore on. Time flew, and as she consumed more cranberry and vodka, Elyse felt smarter, funnier, and sexier. Her initial nervousness disappeared, and she found herself loosening up and enjoying herself. She touched Adam, running her hand up and down his leg, snuggling against him, kissing his jaw. At the same time she was flirting with Jason, smiling and laughing at his remarks, even growing bold enough to reach out and touch his hand from time to time. Suddenly, Adam decided it was time to go. “I don‟t wanna go,” she complained. She was sexy and beautiful and funny, and Jason liked her, and she was having a good time. She waved her hand around the bar to the other customers who had suddenly gone blurry. “They‟re not going.” Adam helped Elyse to her feet as she blinked, unable to focus. Her vision was fuzzy and everything seemed to tilt to one side. Laughing, she tilted her head the opposite way to straighten things out. “How are you getting home?” she heard Jason ask. “We took a taxi here,” Adam answered. “But I‟m not sure I‟ll be able to pour this one into a cab.” 120

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Elyse snickered. Pour her? Like she was a vodka and cranberry? Adam was so funny. How come she never noticed how funny he was before? “It‟s not my fault,” she explained, starting to hiccup. “No, it‟s my fault,” he answered, his tone dry. “I forced you to have six drinks.” She frowned, wobbling on her feet. Six drinks? No. It was only three, wasn‟t it? Or maybe four. “They were too strong,” she insisted. “You should have told them not to make them so strong.” “Okay,” Adam agreed in the mild tone one used to placate a drunk. That made Elyse mad. She wasn‟t drunk. She was happy and sexy and beautiful. She was with two hot guys. “Let‟s go. Can you walk?” Adam asked. “Of course,” she replied, pulling herself up with dignity. What a silly question. Certainly she could walk—she had two legs, didn‟t she? She looked down to check they were still there. Yep. Of course she could walk. She took two wobbling steps and tumbled into Jason, who caught her before she fell to the floor. “Whoops,” she snorted, snickering to herself. Adam and Jason assisted Elyse across the room, one man on either side, maneuvering her through the tangle of customers to the front door. She leaned her head against Adam‟s arm, and then Jason‟s. It was nice, between them, feeling their warmth and strength. The cool air outside caressed her face and sobered her up a bit. Adam was saying something. “Let‟s get a room. We can go home in the morning.” **** Adam and Elyse stared at each other without speaking. Water splashed in the bathroom. “You‟re right. I didn‟t say no.” They stared at each other in a silent stand-off. “But it was just a 121

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game, wasn‟t it? Why don‟t we play a game right now? Truth or dare.” “This is not a fucking game,” Adam said. “But you like games. Come on, Truth or Dare.” The answer came immediately. “Dare.” “Yeah.” Elyse gave a short laugh. “How I‟d know. Truth‟s a little too scary, isn‟t it? Okay, whatever. I dare you to tell me why you proposed the threesome two years ago.” Adam was silent for a long time before he finally spoke. “What do you want me to say?” “I want you to tell me how you really felt about me. I thought we loved each other. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe you figured I was some freaky bitch who was up for anything. Just another piece of ass.” His throat worked. “No. I never thought that.” He took a breath. “It was a mistake. I hated when he touched you. I wanted to stop it.” Elyse‟s heart fluttered. “Why didn‟t you?” “Why didn‟t you?” he asked in return. “Pardon the interruption.” Jason stood in the open doorway to the bathroom, hollow-eyed and pale. He addressed himself to Adam. “Far be it from me to barge in on a private discussion, but since I am an interested party, you might say, there is something I don‟t think Elyse has shared with you. I‟m a flaming queer.” Adam‟s face went blank. He looked from Jason to Elyse, and back again. Elyse waved her arm in a defeated gesture and sank onto the edge of the bed. “When did you decide this?” Adam asked at last, his voice low and rusty. “It wasn‟t a matter of deciding,” Jason answered. “It‟s something I‟ve known since I was a boy.” Adam‟s gaze sliced toward Elyse, who looked away. “But you dated girls in high school. Hell, they all wanted to be with you.” 122

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“I dated them, and I even fucked some of them, but I was only going through the motions. I wasn‟t about to out myself, and be subjected to gay-bashing by the local cretins. I didn‟t come out until I was well away from Summit.” Adam directed another accusing look at Elyse— why didn‟t you tell me? A look of discomfort crossed his face as he further considered Jason‟s revelation. He moved his hand vaguely to encompass the three of them. “So even when we were all…” “You‟re referring to our little ménage?” In spite of his indisposition, Jason managed a smile. “I wasn‟t lusting after you, don‟t worry. Or you.” He looked at Elyse. “No offense.” She lifted a shoulder. “None taken.” “For somebody who claims he wasn‟t into it, you put on a pretty good act,” Adam said, his tone gruff with anger. “Look, all three of us were there for our own reasons. I had just been informed by my lover—my male lover—that he was getting married, but he saw no reason not to continue our relationship in secret. I said fuck that. We had a huge blow-up, and I went off to drown my sorrows. That‟s why I was at Baby Jane‟s that night, and I let you two pick me up. I wanted to get my cheating ex off my mind, and give him a great big fuck you at the same time. That‟s my story. You two are going to have to hash out your own.” Adam glared at Elyse when Jason retreated back to the bathroom. “I guess you knew all about this from the jump.” “Pretty much, yeah. He told me.” “Aw, man.” He shook his head in disgust. “I‟m out of here.” “What‟s the matter?” Elyse taunted him. “It scares you, thinking how you shared a bed with a gay guy?” 123

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He turned on her. “I don‟t give a shit about that. I‟m pissed off how you kept saying you were just friends but you never came out and told me he‟s gay. You were having a fine old time, laughing your ass off, and keeping me in the dark.” “Yeah, laughing my ass off,” Elyse snapped. “You might consider that it wasn‟t my secret to tell.” In her heart, though, Elyse knew there was more to it. She‟d wanted Adam to wonder about her and Jason, wanted that worm of doubt to eat at him until it tore a hole in him. Jesus. Wasn‟t she a vindictive bitch. And wasn‟t he was a bossy, overbearing asshole. She‟d been crazy to ever think they stood a chance.

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Chapter Twelve Elyse wasn‟t sure how long she lay on Jason‟s bed, her eyes closed. Sadness pressed down upon her, its heavy weight rendering her inert. She couldn‟t think, couldn‟t move. She wanted to cry, but her eyes were as hard and dry as stones. The bathroom door opened, and Jason‟s feet whispered across the carpet. The bed sagged as he sat beside her. “Hey,” he whispered. “Hey.” Though it was an effort, she opened her eyes. Jason‟s face was yellowish, his eyes hollow, his hair damp. A bath towel lay on his lap. “You look like hell.” “Thanks,” he responded. “You‟re not so hot yourself, honey.” “Hmmm. Looks like I‟m gonna need a place to crash tonight.” “Well, that side of the bed‟s all yours. Knock yourself out.” “Thanks.” Though she stared at the ceiling, Elyse felt Jason looking at her. “I didn‟t know that before,” she told him. “Know what?” “About why you were at Baby Jane‟s that night. I never knew it was because of Coop.” “Well, now you do.” Jason rubbed his face with the bath towel, and flung it over a chair. He flopped back onto the bed, grimacing as he looked at the mini-bar bottles lined up on the nightstand. “I was drinking my face off, trying to forget about him.” Elyse thought about the night at Baby Jane‟s. 125

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She rarely let herself do that, and when she did it was in bits and pieces. It made her too angry, too upset, to dwell on the memories. But now as her eyes drifted closed, those memories came back as she tried to make all the puzzle pieces fit. **** The New Moon Motel was a few blocks away, close enough to walk. Once again, the two men walked with Elyse between them. Adam‟s arm was around her waist. Jason had his arm through hers, the way a gentleman might escort a lady. “You‟re so nice,” she told him. “You‟re such a sweet guy. Isn‟t he sweet?” she asked Adam. “Yep. Real sweet.” She sensed a bit of jealousy in the shortness of the answer. “You‟re sweet, too.” “Okay.” “No, you are. Really. When you let your guard down and show people the real you.” “Okay, Elyse.” Adam picked up the pace, and the pointy toe of her shoe caught against an uneven rise in the sidewalk, causing her to trip. “Oof,” she muttered, stumbling against Jason. He caught her and glared at Adam. “Slow it down, man.” Even on the darkened street, with only the street lights for illumination, the expression Adam wore scared Elyse. He glowered at Jason, as though he wanted to punch him right in the face. Then he looked down at Elyse with regret in his eyes. “Sorry.” “It‟s all right,” she stammered. “These shoes aren‟t made for walking…” When they reached the motel, Elyse insisted Jason not try to drive home in his inebriated state. It only made sense for him to stay in the room with them until he sobered up. Jason agreed, and went to 126

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the front office to get them all some coffee, but the brew had been sitting on the burner for hours, and was totally undrinkable. The room was regulation dumpy, but Elyse had enough residual vodka in her system to still feel like Venus on the half-shell. She kicked off her shoes and flung herself onto the bed, crawling until she half reclined on the pillows, while Jason sat in a corner armchair. Adam took a wooden straight chair next to a scarred bureau. She and Jason chatted, trading quips back and forth. She might not remember it later but at the time, in Elyse‟s alcohol-induced haze, it all seemed like marvelously witty banter. Adam was mostly silent, sitting with arms folded across his chest, watching the two of them impassively. Suddenly the playful atmosphere changed when Adam abruptly announced, “Elyse thinks you‟re hot.” Blushing, Elyse shushed him. “Adam!” “What? That‟s what you said, isn‟t it?” She rolled her eyes at Jason, but couldn‟t stifle a giggle. “I don‟t know what‟s gotten into him—” Jason smiled. “You mean you don‟t think I‟m hot?” She turned even redder. “Well, sure, but—you know, we were just—” “We were playing a game,” Adam said. “Weren‟t we, Elyse? And you said you‟d do him in a minute.” “Adammm…” Elyse heard herself give another silly giggle. “Stop it.” “It‟s all right,” Jason told her in a mild voice. “I‟m flattered.” “Sure,” Adam added. “What red-blooded man wouldn‟t be flattered by some hot chick wanting to do him?” “What red-blooded man indeed?” Jason echoed, wearing a polite smile that never reached his eyes. Elyse looked at Adam in confusion, her smile 127

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wavering. “What are you doing?” “Just talking, that‟s all. Playing. You like to play, baby. We‟ve played lots of games before.” “Not like this.” She glanced uneasily at Jason, who sat in the armchair, unmoving. “It‟s a new game,” Adam told her. “Are you up for it?” There it was. He‟d thrown down the gauntlet. He was testing her, as he‟d done so many times before. How far was she prepared to go for him? But he wouldn‟t let it go too far, Elyse knew. He loved her, even if he wasn‟t yet ready to tell her so. She licked her dry lips, nervous all the same. “What are you suggesting?” “You think Jase is hot. I‟d like to see you kiss him.” Elyse‟s gaze bounced to Jason and rebounded to Adam. Her mouth was as dry as dust. “Say, Jase,” Adam said. “Would you like to kiss Elyse?” Jason nodded once. “I‟d enjoy it very much.” Adam gave a little wave of his hand, giving Jason the go-ahead. Jason stood and took the few steps to the bed. Elyse looked at Jason, then at Adam in confusion. She gave a small nervous laugh. Jason sat on the edge of the bed, on top of the ugly orange bedspread. “Elyse?” he spoke politely, asking her permission. She glanced again at Adam, her heart bumping painfully against her ribs. Did he really want this? His face was as stiff as a mask. “Go ahead,” he murmured. Still gazing at Adam, Elyse edged toward Jason. When she turned her head, he was so close they almost bumped noses. He pressed his lips, soft and warm, to hers. It was a nice kiss, but almost chaste. Jason‟s lips were dry, and he made no attempt to breach her mouth. 128

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She looked back at Adam. She‟d done what he wanted. Surely that was enough. He wouldn‟t want her to go any farther. Adam gave a tsk of annoyance. “You call that a kiss? Come on, Jase, you can do better than that.” Jason‟s mouth curved in a small smile. He took no offense and simply answered “Maybe you should show me how it‟s done.” “Bet your ass.” Adam strode over to Elyse‟s other side and pulled her close, crushing her against him and closing his mouth on hers. His tongue stabbed between her lips, and invaded her mouth so deeply she literally could not breathe. The taste of beer almost made her gag. Elyse dug her fingers into his arms, and wrenched her face away from his. Dragging air into her lungs, she blinked at him in bewilderment, her mind screaming at her to run out the door. Her body trembled, as though preparing for that run. But Adam must have misunderstood her trembling, mistaken it for arousal rather than fear. “Now that‟s how you kiss a woman, Devereaux.” “I stand corrected.” Jason‟s tone was mild. Polite, as he‟d been all evening, but with an emptiness in his eyes. “Now try it again,” Adam said. Jason turned her toward him and kissed her again, his lips gentle against hers, his tongue skimming the seam of her mouth. As he did, she felt Adam‟s hand sneak to her thigh and gently caress it, inching higher and higher. Elyse gasped, and at her quickly indrawn breath, Jason slipped his tongue between her lips, stroking her own tongue softly. He tasted of whiskey. His kiss was proficient, but Elyse could tell his heart wasn‟t in it. Adam‟s breath wafted through her hair, and his voice was hoarse when he spoke next. “Touch her. 129

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Touch her here.” He lifted his hand to palm Elyse‟s breast and tweak her nipple, and she felt a twang in her pussy. Her body had turned traitor, and didn‟t care about her befuddled brain. Before Jason touched her, she said “Wait.” Her head was spinning. She turned to look at Adam. “What are you doing?” “Just having fun. It‟s a game, right?” A game that was going too far. Elyse was sobering up at a frightening rate of speed. “What are you doing?” she asked again. This wasn‟t supposed to be happening. “You said he was hot, didn‟t you? That you‟d do him in a minute. Well, here he is. Go for it.” No. No, that wasn‟t what she meant. Didn‟t Adam understand she‟d just been playing along with him? She hadn‟t been serious. But he was serious. How could he do this? Hadn‟t she told him just last night how much she loved him? Hadn‟t she promised to wait until he was ready to tell her the same thing? She‟d trusted Adam. She‟d given him everything. And now he wanted to throw it all away. He wanted to share her with this man she‟d just met. Like she was some damn chocolate bar. He wanted to break off a piece of her, and hand it to a friend. Not even a friend. Some guy he kind of knew in high school. She was that cheap to him, that unimportant. Elyse could almost hear her heart crack apart as it broke. **** When Elyse looked at Jason again, he was picking up empty mini-bottles and dropping them in the trash. “I can help,” she said, getting his attention. “That‟s okay. All done.” He deposited the last 130

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empty bottle with a flourish. “I thought you were asleep.” “No. Just…thinking.” “Yeah, me too.” Jason took the armchair by the bed. He looked a little better now, less waxy. His demeanor had changed, as well. He was calm and determined. “I‟m going back to Albany tomorrow night. I‟m going to stop in for the duty visit to my parents tomorrow, and afterwards head right back to Albany. No point in hanging around. I have no reason to stay any longer.” Neither have I. “That‟s fine.” Elyse levered herself up on her elbows. “I‟ll be ready.” She suddenly remembered that all her clothes were at Adam‟s. Shit. For all she knew, he‟d have burned them by now, or tossed them out the window all over his front lawn. No. That wasn‟t his style. Adam wasn‟t spiteful. She was the spiteful one. “Are you sure, Leelee?” She frowned at him. “What do you mean?” Jason leaned back in the chair, crossed his ankle against his knee. “Are you sure you and Vostek don‟t have some unfinished business?” “Jesus, didn‟t you hear us ranting and raving out here? There‟s nothing left for either of us to say.” “I heard a lot of yelling, true. But that doesn‟t mean you resolved anything.” “It‟ll never be resolved.” Elyse sat up against the pillows, her throat aching. The tears that didn‟t come before now burned her eyes, and she blinked fiercely to hold them back. It was a losing battle. “Aw, fuck.” She covered her face with her hands as sobs tore through her. “Poor baby.” Jason slid onto the bed and drew her against him. Elyse wept against his chest. “It‟s all right. Just sleep on it. To quote Scarlett O‟Hara, tomorrow is another day.” 131

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A snort exploded from her, and she thumped Jason‟s chest with her fist. Here she was getting her cry on, and he had to go quoting Miz Scarlett. Jason grabbed her fist and kissed it. “Take it easy, tiger. You‟ll figure it all out in the morning.” “Whatever. I love you, Jason.” He patted her hand. “Sure you do, sweetie. What‟s not to love?”

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Chapter Thirteen Adam stood at the door of the apartment with a couple of six-packs under his arm. “Hey, Kim, open up!” He pounded on the door. “I know you‟re home. I saw your beater out front.” The door was jerked open, and Kim stood there wearing ratty sweatpants, a T-shirt, and a scowl. Adam grinned. “Hey, you dressed up for me! Thanks, honey!” “Don‟t honey me, you jagoff. What the hell‟s your problem, pounding on my door like some damn troglodyte?” She stood blocking the doorway like a sentry—no way was he getting in. “Trogo-what?” “Hey, I can use big words, you know. I watch the Exploration Network. In case you thought you were talking to some little dumb ass.” “Kim, what the fuck?” He sighed. “Look, I don‟t want to fight. Come on, let me in.” He dangled a sixpack teasingly. “I brought beer.” “Do you remember that little conversation we had at Sammy‟s Subs? About how I didn‟t want you crawling back to me? Ever? What part of that didn‟t you understand?” she demanded. “Kim, I—” “Ten o‟clock at night you show up here, thinking you can weasel your way in with a couple lousy six packs. Yeah, I know what‟s up. It‟s a straight-up booty call. Hell, you don‟t even call. You just drive right up to the window. Well, sorry, the booty drivethru is closed. Forever. See ya.” Before she could slam the door in his face, Adam 133

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held up his hand in a plea. “Kim. I‟m sorry. Look…it‟s not a booty call, I swear.” His face grew hot with shame that Kim really believed he was capable of that. Sure, from time to time he and Kim would scratch each other‟s itch, but she was always more to him than just a lay. They‟d been friends. At least, he thought they‟d been friends. After he stormed out of the hotel room, Adam drove around, wasting gas, not knowing where to go or what to do. He wanted to get shit-faced, but didn‟t want to hang out at some bar with a bunch of strangers. Nor did he want to be alone. He might have called his brother, but Wash was probably busy with his girl. Adam‟s mood was so foul he couldn‟t stomach the thought of hanging with the lovebirds. So he thought of Kim, somehow convincing himself he‟d be able to charm his way back into her good graces. In spite of Kim‟s suspicions, he really hadn‟t come to put the make on her. He simply needed to talk to somebody. He was lonesome. Kim peered at him as if trying to decide if she should believe him. He must have looked pretty pathetic, because she rolled her eyes and sighed. “I‟m an idiot,” she muttered, and stepped aside. “All right. Get your sorry ass in here.” She peered at him as he entered the apartment. “Are you drunk? „Cause I‟m gonna kick your ass if you‟ve been drinking and drove over here.” “Nope. Not a drop. Which means I‟m way behind.” Adam set the two six-packs on the coffee table and took a can, popping the top. He was about to sit in an overstuffed armchair, when he realized Kim‟s scraggly cat had already taken the seat. “Shoo,” he told it. The cat gave him a fuck you look and didn‟t move. Adam decided it wasn‟t worth getting into a 134

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tangle with the cat—Kim was definitely in a mood to take the furball‟s side over his, anyway. He lowered himself onto her futon, and poured half the beer down his throat in quick swallows. Kim‟s place was small but tidy. Though the furnishings were sparse and inexpensive, they were chosen with care. Colorful throws covered the back of the futon, and the window curtains looked as though they had been sewn from patterned bed sheets. One big picture window had no curtains at all, but was filled with potted plants of all kinds. Kim stood at the window now, fussing with one of the plants, picking off some dead leaves. Adam touched a velvet throw pillow by his elbow, noting its softness. “Cute place.” She turned and eyed him. “You‟ve been here before.” His neck felt hot, and he cleared his throat. He was embarrassed he never before noticed how much pride she took in her living space. “Well, I‟m just saying…” Kim gave him a smirk. “Yeah, whatever.” She came and grabbed a beer, popping the top. “You‟ve always been in such a hurry to get to the bedroom, you never took the time to notice anything about the place.” She perched on the arm of the chair, where the cat sat glaring at him. Adam returned the cat‟s glare. “Why don‟t you chase him off? It‟s your house.” She shrugged. “It‟s his house, too. And he was there first.” The orange cat was a mangy thing with snaggled whiskers, a mangled left ear, and a missing eye from too many fights during his former life on the streets. Those days were over once Kim took in the stray, but all those battle scars had left the cat with a permanently pissed-off expression, not unlike a sneer. Hence his name—Groucho. 135

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Kim and Adam drank in silence for a few moments. Then she spoke. “So what‟s going on, Vostek?” He snorted. “My life is shit, is all.” “Oh yeah? Poor baby. Welcome to the club.” Adam‟s eyebrows lifted, and he blinked at her in surprise. She frowned at him. “Look, I wasn‟t kidding. If you rolled in here hoping to score some nookie by getting me to feel all sorry for you, you‟re shit out of luck.” He gulped down the rest of his beer, and reached for another. “You really think I‟m that low-class?” “You‟re a guy, aren‟t you?” Groucho stretched and hopped off the chair, allowing Kim to slide onto the seat. “So what‟s the real problem? You and your girl have a falling out?” He shot her a look. “How‟d you know about—” “Duh, Adam. I knew something was up the minute you said you wanted to take a break. And I‟ve seen her picture.” “You‟ve seen—” “The pretty blonde, right? Oh, keep your shorts on, I wasn‟t snooping. I was looking for rubbers one time, and I opened the wrong drawer. But shit. A guy keeps a woman‟s picture in his nightstand, it‟s a pretty big fucking clue he‟s still hung up on her.” Kim paused, waiting for him to digest that. “So what‟s her name?” she asked, her voice low. “Elyse.” Adam leaned back on the futon. Maybe he was a prick, considering who he was confiding in, but it felt good to finally talk to somebody. “She hates my guts,” he grumbled, pounding his second beer. “You make it pretty easy for women to hate your guts, you know. You can be a real dick sometimes.” He belched. “Thanks a lot.” She shrugged. “You always have to be a hard136

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ass. Put people off with snarky comments. Afraid to show your feelings.” “Oh, that‟s crap.” “It‟s the truth. What is it about guys? You all act like you‟re so tough and strong, but when it comes to being honest about how you feel, you‟re a bunch of scared little babies.” Adam was now on his third beer. “Tell it to Oprah.” “Asswipe.” “Hey, she was in bed with another man, all right? How am I supposed to act when I see that?” he demanded. Kim‟s brown eyes grew wide, and her mouth fell open. “In bed with—” “Well, they were on the bed,” he admitted grudgingly. “On top of the covers. And okay, they were dressed, they only had their shoes off. But there were liquor bottles everywhere—all right, just the little kind from a mini-bar, but—” “What the fuck are you talking about?” Kim looked at him as though he‟d sprouted two heads. “And I don‟t care if Devereaux is gay, something‟s going on there—ow!” Groucho the cat, perhaps tired of hearing Adam run off at the mouth, decided to shut him up by using his leg for a scratching post. Adam winced as he tried to disengage the cat‟s claws from his thigh. “Grouch, that‟s bad.” Kim made no move to get up and chase the cat away. “Quit it.” Groucho gave a low growl as Adam freed himself and then bounded to the floor to find another way to amuse himself. “Shit,” Adam rubbed his thigh. “That stupid cat‟s got razor blades.” Kim smirked and shook her head pityingly. “What?” he asked. “You really are a sad case, aren‟t you, Vostek? 137

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You get in a fight with your Elyse, and instead of talking it out with her, you drive your ass over here.” Adam felt the sting of embarrassment, but he tried to play it off. “What are you talking about?” “You‟re jealous of this guy friend of hers—this gay guy—and instead of admitting it, telling her you‟re scared to lose her, you come and pester my ass. Man, how chickenshit.” He shifted uncomfortably, and then got mad. Where did Kim get off? Things were a hell of a lot more complicated than she thought. Weren‟t they? “Well, I‟m sorry,” he rumbled as he tried to stand. His vision was fuzzy, his legs heavy and awkward. “Sorry you think I‟m such an asshole. I‟ll leave, then, so you don‟t have to put up with me,” he added, highly insulted. “Oh, shut up and sit down,” Kim told him. “You‟re not going anywhere after what, four beers?” She took one more sip of beer and set the can on the glass coffee table. “You need to sober up. There‟s coffee in the cupboard, you know where it is. Make it yourself, I‟m not waiting on your ass. I‟m going to repot my spider plant, and then I‟m heading to bed. You can crash on the futon tonight.” “Okay,” he said glumly, chastened. “And don‟t be thinking you‟re getting any sex off of me. The gravy train has left the station, I don‟t care how pathetic you look.” Kim looked fierce enough to kick him in the nuts if he even suggested such a thing. “Yeah, yeah.” She kept her promise. She repotted her plant and went to bed without much more to say to him. Well, what was there to say? She‟d already called him on what a prick he was. In spite of his embarrassment, he respected Kim for standing up for herself. 138

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He nursed his fourth beer while Kim was still awake, but once she was asleep he killed the rest of the six-pack and finished off most of the other. The more Adam drank, the more morose he became, and the gloomier his outlook. He was a fucking loser. Kim was right to tear him a new one. She hated his guts, and Elyse did, too. He had managed to fuck up everything even halfway decent in his life. He was going to be a lonely miserable fuck for the rest of his life. To distract himself from visions of his dismal future, he clicked on the television remote. After a few minutes, he realized it was set on some channel that featured women‟s films. Kim probably watched it when she got tired of the Exploration Network. To punish himself, Adam refused to switch stations, and forced himself to watch hour after hour of women in jeopardy. By the time he was on his tenth beer, he was actually starting to sniff back tears for the lady in the movie whose baby was stolen by the evil nurse. As he sat hunched in the dark, Groucho glowered at him from the armchair, waiting impatiently for Adam to fall asleep. Then the cat would turn him into hamburger. **** The next thing Adam knew, broad daylight was stabbing him in the eyes and drool was running down the side of his face. He blinked his gluey eyelids. The blurry form of a man stood above him, staring down impassively. Adam levered himself up, trying not to groan as he rubbed his scratchy chin. It felt as if an elephant was sitting on his head. The guy handed him something. “Looks like you could use this.” Hot coffee in a tall Daisy Donuts cup. Black. Ordinarily the smell would have appealed to him, 139

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but last night‟s beer was doing the cha-cha in his stomach, and he wasn‟t sure he‟d be able to hold anything down. But thinking it might help clear his head, he forced himself to swallow a few burning mouthfuls. “Thanks,” he muttered, blinking again to clear his vision and get a better look at the guy. Tall, on the thin side, short sandy-colored hair. Adam wondered who he was. “You‟re welcome,” the guy answered in a tone neither friendly nor belligerent. His eyes swept over Adam slowly, making him aware of how disreputable he must look. “Ow!” Out of nowhere Groucho had appeared, latching onto Adam‟s ankle and sinking his teeth in. Adam tried shaking the cat loose. “Stop that.” The guy took firm hold of the cat and pulled him away. Groucho went still at the man‟s touch and sauntered off without a care in the world when the guy plunked him unceremoniously onto the floor. How‟d he do that? Adam wondered. Kim came in with a white bakery box. “Charlie brought donuts.” She slid the box onto the coffee table, and grabbed a coconut donut while gesturing with her free hand. “Charlie, this is Adam. Adam, Charlie.” Charlie nodded, unsmiling. Adam eyed him and nodded back. He was not so hung over he couldn‟t recognize the situation for what it was. Awkward. Even he, clueless as he so often was, recognized Kim‟s casual air was a put-on. She had not expected this Charlie guy to show up at her door, nor had Charlie expected to find some drunk sprawled on her futon. The two of them shot looks at each other that Adam pretended not to notice. If he‟d been more sober, Adam would have gladly left them alone to air their grievances. But at the moment he wasn‟t sure he was capable of 140

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standing without falling on his face. Or barfing his guts out. So he sat there pretending he was as dumb as dirt. Kim pushed the donut box toward him. “Have one.” Just looking at the pastries made his stomach turn over. “No, thanks.” An evil glint appeared in her eye. “Aw, come on. You don‟t know what you‟re missing.” She nudged the box closer. Charlie cleared his throat. “I‟ll be leaving.” He gave Kim a meaningful look. “Think you can walk me to the door?” Kim rose from her chair and followed him. Since the door was only a few yards from where Adam sat, they stepped into the hallway to talk. Still, he couldn‟t help catching bits of the “discussion,” mostly from Kim, who wasn‟t afraid to raise her voice. “Well, who told you to come?” “I didn‟t know he was going to show up here—” “What makes you think it‟s any of your business, Charlie?” Charlie‟s responses were spoken quietly enough to be unintelligible. Moments later Kim stormed back inside, slammed the door, and flung herself into her chair. She snatched up her half-eaten donut and took an especially vicious bite out of it. “Who was that?” Adam asked. “Nobody. None of your business,” she answered through a mouthful of fried cake. When she calmed a bit she added, “My nosy-ass neighbor.” “Seems like he wants to be more than that.” Kim snorted and rolled her eyes. “He pisses me off. Thinks he knows it all. Got the answer to everybody‟s problems. Yeah, right.” “Looks like I fucked things up, being here,” Adam observed. 141

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She gave him a scornful look. “Get over yourself and drink your coffee. You need to get out of here.” He took a few more sips of the coffee Charlie had probably meant for himself. “Better?” Kim asked. Adam nodded. “Yeah.” He pushed himself to his feet, and his gorge rose at the same time. The room started to swim. “Uh, maybe not.” He sank back down onto the futon, closing his eyes. “Oh, shit,” Kim said.

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Chapter Fourteen The following afternoon, while Jason was visiting his family, Elyse took a taxi to pick up the things she‟d left at Adam‟s. She wasn't surprised when Adam's brother came to the door. When she‟d called the house a short time ago, it was Matthew who answered and told her to come on over. Her stomach was in a twist. She hadn‟t spoken to Adam since their blow-up the day before. Had he asked Matthew to run interference for him? Was he avoiding her completely? If so, maybe it was for the best. What was left to say? Better she simply pick up her things and head out. Jason would be waiting. Matthew stepped aside, ushering her into the house. “Hey, Elyse.” “Hey,” she stammered, feeling awkward. She‟d always liked Matthew. Would it be wrong to hug him now? She wasn‟t sure how much he knew about the situation between her and Adam. Maybe under the circumstances— He eased her qualms by enfolding her gently in his arms. “It‟s good to see you again.” His embrace warmed her. There was nothing sexual in it. It simply expressed brotherly, comforting affection. “Thanks. You, too.” Elyse found it impossible to say much more because her throat was clogged with emotion. He stepped back and gestured to the sofa. “Have a seat.” Elyse glanced at the large-screen television. Some movie with Keanu Reeves was on. Matthew 143

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picked up the remote from the coffee table and muted the sound. She hitched the strap of her purse over her shoulder. “I can‟t. I‟ve got a cab waiting—” “Look, I got you here under somewhat false pretenses,” Matt confessed. “I know you came to pick up your stuff, but I was really hoping we could talk for a few minutes.” “I‟d like to, really, Matt, but I think I should get my clothes and go before Adam gets back…” Matt blinked at her, confused. “He didn‟t go anywhere. He‟s here.” Elyse‟s heart stopped, and a cold wave of anger passed over her. “He‟s here? What‟s he doing, hiding?” “He‟s in the bedroom. He‟s sleeping.” “Sleeping?” Her eyes went wide. Her guts had been in knots since yesterday, but apparently he had no such affliction. “Just taking a little afternoon snooze, huh?” “Sleeping it off. He got wasted last night, and made himself sick.” “Really. Wasted. Was he celebrating?” “No. Elyse, no. Ugh…” Matt groaned. “I‟m fucking this up…look, please sit down for a minute.” “The taxi—” “Let me take care of it. I‟ll drive you back to wherever you‟re staying.” She reached into her purse for some bills, but he waved them away and stepped outside to settle with the taxi. When he returned, he sat in a faded armchair and Elyse sank onto the worn old sofa. He gazed at Elyse, his hazel eyes full of concern. The brothers looked a lot alike, but Matthew wasn‟t afraid to let his expression reflect his emotions. Adam‟s face was like a door with a “Closed” sign on it. “My brother‟s always calling me dumbass, but 144

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he‟s the one…” Matt shook his head in frustration. “He really does care about you.” “He‟s got quite the way of showing it.” “He can‟t show it, that‟s his problem. That‟s why he got drunk off his ass last night. He went to a friend‟s house and passed out on her couch. She called me this morning to get him home.” The she hadn‟t escaped Elyse‟s notice. “Is this friend named Kim?” “Yeah. Kim. But nothing happened, besides him getting drunk.” “And you know this how? Never mind,” she said quickly, pissed at herself for even caring. It wasn‟t her business. She and Adam weren‟t together. Damn it. When was she ever going to stop caring? “I know because he wouldn‟t do that. Not when he loves you the way he does.” Elyse blinked back the tears stinging her eyes. God damn it. If only it were true. That Adam really loved her. Matt leaned forward in his chair, his hands on his knees. “Has he ever told you much about growing up? What it was like?” “No.” She swiped at her eyes. “You know he doesn‟t like to talk about that.” “Touchy, feely crap,” Matthew said, mimicking his brother‟s dismissive voice and facial expression. Elyse cracked a weak smile. “Yeah. He told me after your dad died, your mother had to work a lot, and it was up to you guys to take care of things.” “Right. Then she got married again. He ever tell you about Don?” “Your stepfather? Well, I know he drank.” “Yeah,” Matt said. “Don was a drunk.” “And Adam hated him.” “Hates him. Still. Mostly because of the way Don treated our mother.” Elyse‟s skin went clammy with dread. “He 145

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didn‟t—” “No. He didn‟t beat her. Don was a sponge. He couldn‟t hold a job because of the booze. Then he couldn‟t get a job, and finally didn‟t even bother to try. So my Mom had to work two, three jobs to hold it all together. Don was useless. Total waste of space. But my mother never even thought about divorcing him.” She bit her lip. “How long did it go on?” “Well, let‟s see, I was ten and Adam was twelve when they got married. Adam moved out of the house when he was sixteen. Did he tell you that?” “No, he never—how did he manage?” So young to be out on his own. Elyse‟s heart ached with sympathy. “He lived with different friends, here and there. We didn‟t have any relatives to go to.” No relatives. At least she had Grandma Wanda, as awful as she was. Why had Adam never shared any of this with her? Because he didn‟t want her feeling sorry for him. Because he didn‟t want to sound like a crybaby. Because he didn‟t want her getting too close. “That‟s kind of how our business got started, you know. We did yard work and odd jobs to make some extra money to help out. Adam wanted to quit school at sixteen to get a full-time job. My mother begged him not to.” Elyse closed her eyes. Had she known this years ago, she‟d have loved Adam all the more. Knowing now only made her heartsick and sad. It was too late to matter anymore. “Matthew, I don‟t see what all of this—” “I‟m telling you this because I don‟t think you really know my brother. That‟s the problem. He doesn‟t let anyone get close enough to know him.” Elyse slumped against the sofa in defeat. Her posture encouraged Matthew to continue. “All right.” 146

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“Anyway. Adam hated Don‟s guts. They fought all the time—when Don wasn‟t too drunk to stand up, or wasn‟t passed out somewhere. Adam begged my mother to dump him, but like I said, she wouldn‟t. So he left at sixteen. Six years later, our mother was killed by a drunk driver. And I think Adam has always blamed himself in some way.” “That makes no sense,” she murmured. “No, but…look. When Adam left home, part of him felt like he was abandoning our mother. But I think he also felt she‟d already abandoned him.” “Because she chose Don over him. And over you.” She understood abandonment. After all, hadn‟t Sunny abandoned her, leaving her in the less-thanloving care of Grandma Wanda? Elyse knew how it felt to be shunted aside in favor of someone else, to feel unimportant. Matthew nodded. “My brother and I have both been dealing with a lot of crap from those days. It‟s funny, but Adam was the one to point it out to me a while ago, when I was having some problems.” “You have nothing to feel guilty about,” she told him. “Either one of you.” “Guilt‟s a funny thing. It doesn‟t always make sense. We both wanted to protect our mother, in different ways. Adam left to spare her all the fighting, and I stayed to try to make things better. But neither one of us was able to save her.” “But it wasn‟t your job to save her. She had choices.” And so did you, spoke a voice in Elyse‟s head. “I don‟t know what happened between you two. But do you think there‟s any way the two of you—” She shook her head. “I don‟t know. I think we‟ve hurt each other too much.” “I‟m sorry to hear that.” His voice was soft, resigned. He got to his feet. “Well, let me get your suitcase.” 147

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“Actually, I…I‟d like to stay awhile and…” What was she saying? She paused a moment to wrestle with her conflicted emotions. “You‟ve given me a lot to think about.” Matthew understood she needed time alone to consider all he had told her. He smiled. “Stay as long as you like.” He picked up the remote control and turned on the TV‟s sound. “I‟ve gotta get going anyway. Somebody‟s waiting for me.” He gave Elyse a grin. She grinned back. “What‟s her name?” “Andie.” “Oh.” Andy? Something had changed since she‟d last seen Matthew. At a bit of a loss, she fumbled for the right response. “Nice.” He laughed at Elyse‟s assumption. “Andie, short for Andrea.” “Oh. Well.” Elyse felt her face get hot and she laughed, too. “She‟s a lucky lady.” Matthew shrugged. “I‟m a lucky guy.” He walked to the front door then turned, thrusting his hands in his pockets. “I hope I see you again real soon, Elyse. Bye.” “Bye.” He left, closing the door quietly. She sat for a few moments, and then she pulled her cell phone from her purse and punched in Jason‟s number. She could have texted him, but she really needed to hear his voice. “Hello?” The mellow tone of his voice calmed her. “Jason? Are you still—” “No, I cut the visit short. There‟s only so much torture I can endure.” He sounded tired. “I‟m on my way back to the hotel now.” “Well…I‟m still at Adam‟s.” “All right.” “I—I don‟t know how long I‟ll be. It‟s not fair, 148

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making you wait…” “It‟s all right. I‟ll be here. Are you two going to talk?” “I don‟t know. I don‟t know what to do,” she said. She hated this, feeling so stupid, so unsure. “You do know.” Jason was not about to let her wallow in self-pity. “There‟s no reason the three of you can‟t live happily ever after.” “Three?” “You, Vostek, and the cat.” “It‟s not that simple.” “Only „cause you‟re stubborn as hell. Look, your job, your schooling, whatever—it can all be worked out. You‟re the only one who can decide if you love the man enough to make it work.” Even through the cell phone, Elyse heard his heavy sigh. “It would be awfully nice if one of us could have a happy ending, Leelee.” **** When Adam awoke, the sun was beginning to set. Shit. He‟d slept the whole day away. Groaning as he flopped his legs over the edge of the bed, he sat up in increments, holding his throbbing head to keep it from falling off his shoulders. His stomach was sour, and his mouth tasted like a herd of buffalo had walked through it. The last he remembered, he was lying on Kim‟s futon, afraid to move his head for fear of spewing the contents of his stomach all over the living room. A sodden lump, he was too big for Kim to maneuver, so she had to call his brother to come get his ass. He vaguely remembered the two of them half-carrying, half-dragging him out to Matthew‟s truck, where Wash threatened to beat his brains out if he puked inside. Adam had to ride the entire way home with his head hanging out the open window, like a damn dog. If that wasn‟t humiliating enough, he then had 149

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to listen to his pain-in-the-ass brother‟s lecture. It began as soon as Matthew got him home and heaved him onto the bed. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Adam could only groan in response. He winced as Matt twisted off one of his shoes. “Ouch! Watch it.” “Aw, shut up. Pussy.” Matt dropped the shoe and wrenched off the other even more roughly. “Hey!” Adam tried to kick him. “Ha! Missed.” “Shithead.” Adam felt so lousy, he couldn‟t even curse with conviction. He lay sprawled on the bed, his arms flung wide. “Back atcha.” Matthew grabbed him by the shoulder and rolled him to his left side. “Lie this way. In case you puke, you won‟t choke on it.” Adam almost heaved then and there at that delightful image. His brother placed an empty wastebasket near the bed. “You can hork into that.” Adam gagged. “Go „way.” “What, and miss all this? Hell no. Why, this brings back all those fond memories of how Mom used to do this for Don. Remember? How he‟d get stinkin‟ drunk, and she‟d put him to bed all nice and cozy? And then she‟d tell us „Ssshhh, be quiet, don‟t wake your stepfather. He‟s sick.‟” A red wave of rage pounded over Adam as he thought of all the ways their mother coddled Don, protected him. He squeezed his eyes shut as if that could close out the memories. “Or maybe you don‟t remember,” Matthew went on. “You weren‟t there that long, after all.” Adam‟s eyes snapped open but he was afraid to look at his brother. A heavy mantle of guilt pressed down on him. It was true. He‟d bailed on his brother and his mother when things got tough. He was afraid of the anger, the blame he might 150

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see in his brother‟s eyes. But Matthew watched him stoically. “I never blamed you for that, and I don‟t blame you now.” His voice was low and raw. “But it‟s time for you to stop running, and stop pushing away the people who care about you. Me. Elyse.” Adam blinked in surprise. “How‟d you—” “Kim told me.” Adam groaned again. Just how out of it had he been, to have missed that conversation? “You called me a dumbass once, when I was having problems with Andie. Told me to tell her how I felt about her. Well, it‟s time for you to grow a pair, bro. Talk to Elyse.” “She hates me. “I thought Andie hated me.” “Elyse really hates me. And I gave her good reason to.” He turned away, unable to stand the sorrow in his brother‟s face. “I‟m all right. Just let me sleep.” Wash hesitated as though he wanted to say more. “All right. I‟ll be in the other room.” “I don‟t need a nanny,” Adam snapped. A pillow landed on his head. “Shut up and go to sleep.” Now, Adam rolled out of bed and stumbled down the hall into the bathroom where he rinsed his mouth in the sink and splashed some water on his face. Adam grimaced as he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked like something out of a horror movie—as sallow and hollow-eyed as one of those zombies from Night of the Living Dead. He felt like one, too. He swallowed a couple of aspirin with a mouthful of water, then eyed the bottle and aw, fuck it, swallowed two more. His head felt like it contained a marching band performing a half-time show. The wave of nausea swept over him suddenly, 151

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doubling him over. And it wasn‟t all the beer he‟d ingested making him sick. It was from knowing how well and truly fucked he was. Knowing he‟d lost Elyse. Again. For good. He sank onto the closed toilet seat, still doubled over, holding his gut and willing himself not to puke all over the floor. Coffee. He‟d make coffee. Coffee would make him feel half-human again, and give him something to do. Something to keep him from thinking about Elyse for a few minutes. For the next few days or weeks or God knew how long, he would live his life a minute at a time, trying not to think about her. Trying not to miss her. He shuffled into the hallway, again just like one of those back-from-the-dead characters, then stopped before he reached the kitchen. There was one other thing he could do. Like Wash had said—he could talk to Elyse. They‟d done plenty of hollering yesterday, yeah, hurling accusations back and forth, but they hadn‟t talked. Elyse hated his guts, though. What could he say to change her feelings? Maybe nothing. But as he pondered it, Adam realized there was something. She might not want to hear it, might not even care. But he needed to tell her. Coffee forgotten, he grabbed his keys from the kitchen counter. He strode to the front door, passing through the living room. Wash was gone. The front curtains had been drawn, making the room dark. Adam briefly noticed the crumpled afghan on the sofa. His brother must have sacked out there for a while in front of the TV. An unfamiliar car, an old junker, was parked at the curb. He barely noticed it until a man stepped out of it and limped across the yard toward him. Adam squinted at the man—then felt as though 152

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he‟d been doused in ice water. It was his stepfather. Don no longer resembled the man Adam remembered—the bloated drunk whose face was road-mapped with broken blood vessels. He looked smaller—shriveled, like a dried apple. His skin was yellow. He looked sick. Adam didn‟t care. “You‟ve got no business here.” Don didn‟t blink. “Matthew said you got my letter.” Adam gritted his teeth. Wash had talked to him? He‟d kick his brother‟s ass later. “Got it, tossed it. Get off my driveway, and get the hell off my property.” Don persisted. “So you didn‟t read it.” “No, I didn‟t fucking read it. You have nothing to tell me that I want to hear.” Adam opened the door of his truck and stepped in, but couldn‟t close the door. Don held it open. He was stronger than he looked. “All right,” the older man said. “Maybe you got some things you want to say to me.” “Old man, everything I wanted to say to you, I already said the day my mother was buried. That if I ever saw you around here again, I would kick your ass.” Pushing the man away, Adam slammed the door shut. Don yanked his hand back just in time to keep from getting his fingers crushed. Adam rolled the window partway, to fire the parting shot. “So fuck off before I keep my promise.” “You got a lot of hate in you still, don‟t you, son?” Adam‟s icy shock instantly melted, transforming to an inferno of rage. He bared his teeth. “I am not. Your. Son.” Don‟s mouth fell open, a flicker of fear in his eyes. Adam relished the man‟s fear. He pressed his advantage, remembering what his brother had told 153

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him a while ago. “You look like shit, you know? You sick or something?” Don nodded. “Yeah.” Adam wondered why hearing that from the man‟s own lips didn‟t make him happy. “Yeah? What, cirrhosis?” “Uh-huh.” “Oh, well,” Adam replied with a distinct lack of sympathy. “Guess you gotta expect that when you‟re a drunk, huh?” Don said, “That‟s right. I got only myself to blame.” “So, what? You think your number‟s coming up, and you want to make amends. Tell everybody how sorry you are and be forgiven. That‟s why you‟re here?” “I made a lot of mistakes—” “Mistakes?” Adam echoed. “That‟s what you call it? Being a drunken bum, a leech, an abusive asshole, that‟s a mistake?” “I never hurt you. I never raised a hand to you or your mother.” “You never hurt us? When every day you told us how worthless we were, how we‟d never amount to anything, that we were shit? When you called my mother filthy names, said she was nothing but a whore and a cheat? When would she have time to cheat? She was always working to support her children, and the worthless, lazy scumbag she married. I wish she had cheated on your ass!” “I don‟t remember—” “You don‟t fucking remember „cause you were drunk all the fucking time! You don‟t remember how my brother and I never had friends over, because your drunken ass was always passed out someplace. Or how the whole place stunk of piss, because you were so bombed you couldn‟t even make it to the toilet. Or how my mother used to beg you to stop 154

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drinking and get some help. But no, you didn‟t have a problem. It was us, we were the problem. So now you‟re sober. So what? It‟s too late to do my mother any good. And me, I don‟t give a shit. So go someplace else for your forgiveness.” Adam pushed the key in the truck‟s ignition and turned on the engine. The man didn‟t step away from the door. “Your mother would want you to hear me out.” Black spots danced in front of Adam‟s eyes. He shut the engine down and shoved the door open so hard that his stepfather stumbled backward. Don fell on his ass on the lawn. Adam leaped out of the truck and grabbed the front of Don‟s shirt, dragging him to his feet. “You don‟t talk about my mother, do you hear me?” He shook the man like a terrier might shake a rat before snapping its neck. “After the shit you put her through, you don‟t get to say her name.” As if in slow motion, his fingers curled into a fist, and his arm moved back, ready to deliver a blow. “Adam!” someone screamed.

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Chapter Fifteen He stopped. Elyse stood on the stoop in her stocking feet, terror on her face. His arm, suddenly heavy, fell limply to his side. She approached him, her hands up in a defensive manner. “Let him go, okay? Just let him go.” Him? Who? Adam looked down and realized his other hand was still grasping Don‟s shirt. He loosened his grip, and his stepfather stumbled back. “That‟s good,” Elyse told him. She was next to him now, but why was she using that tone of voice? The kind of voice someone would use to calm a frightened, angry stray. She took him by the hand. “Let‟s go inside now. All right?” Adam frowned at her shoeless feet. “Where are your shoes?” “Inside. I was asleep on the sofa.” “I didn‟t see you.” “That‟s all right. Come on.” Her gaze slashed toward Don. “You need to go.” The old man stared at them for a moment, then turned and stumbled away. Elyse got Adam into the house and lowered him into the armchair. She clicked on a nearby lamp, and sat on the sofa across from him. Again he noticed his mother‟s afghan crumpled on the cushions. “You were sleeping when I got here, and I didn‟t want to wake you,” she explained. “Matthew said it was all right for me to stay.” “Uh-huh.” He didn‟t know what to say. He should be glad to see her. He meant to find her, and 156

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she was already here. But he couldn‟t concentrate. He heard Elyse speaking, but only a few words made sense. “You talked to my brother?” “I came to get my stuff. We talked. I‟m glad we did.” Adam hated to imagine what Wash Boy had told her. He should be pissed. But he couldn‟t seem to connect with his anger. With anything. He kept seeing Don‟s face, just as his fist was about to pound into it. Don was scared, yeah, but there was something else there as well. Don wanted Adam to punch him. He wanted to be punished. Adam started to shake. He‟d almost beat up a scrawny, sick old man. He gritted his teeth, tried to force his muscles to be still, but the trembling wouldn‟t stop. Elyse came to him, wrapped the afghan around his shoulders. “It‟s all right.” Her hands moved up and down his arms, comforting him. “You‟re okay.” Shit. He didn‟t want her pity. But he couldn‟t tell her that—he didn‟t trust himself to speak without his teeth chattering. “I‟m going to make us some coffee,” Elyse told him. Jesus, she was talking to him like he was some frightened little kid. “I‟ll be right back, okay?” He managed a nod. Shit. When she came back a few minutes later, he‟d gotten himself under control. The shaking had stopped, but his head was throbbing again. “Coffee should be ready soon.” Her voice was soft. “You don‟t have to wait on me,” he growled. “I don‟t need a frickin‟ babysitter.” Elyse froze, pressing her lips tight. “You can never let yourself need anyone, can you? Maybe I like being needed.” Adam glanced at the blank television screen, then back at Elyse. “Sorry,” he said. 157

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She brushed his words away with a wave. “Never mind.” “No, I mean I‟m sorry. That‟s why I wanted to see you tonight. I was going over to the hotel to find you. I had to tell you I was sorry.” She was silent for a beat. “What are you sorry for, Adam?” “Sorry for that night. Sorry I pushed you into it. I wish I could go back and make it never have happened.” His shoulder‟s fell in utter defeat. “I fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me. Being with you.” He stared down at his hands which had clenched into fists. When Elyse remained quiet, he risked a glance at her, his chest aching. “I‟ve been doing a lot of thinking,” she told him. She licked her lips, suddenly seeming apprehensive. “I wanted to tell you I‟m sorry.” Adam‟s eyebrows flew up his forehead, and he cocked his head, not sure he heard her right. “You—” “All this time I‟ve been blaming you for everything that went wrong between us. I wanted to put it all on you, so I wouldn‟t have to look at myself. But I had the choice to say no that night. I could have walked out when you proposed all three of us go to bed. But I didn‟t.” Adam‟s throat felt thick. “Why didn‟t you?” he asked. The same question he had the day before. But this time he was not accusing her or laying blame. He simply needed to know. When she spoke, her voice was flat. “I needed to make a point.” **** Elyse felt herself leave her body. She was hovering above it somehow, looking down at herself with disgust. What a stupid bitch. How many times did she have to get kicked before she learned her lesson? You couldn‟t trust anyone in this life. Hadn‟t 158

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everyone let her down—her mother, her grandmother, her best friend. And now, Adam. Her throat ached, her eyes burned. She wanted to cry, to ask him, if you really love me, how could you bear to have another man touch me? Simple, stupid. He doesn‟t love you. Never did. Suddenly the tears dried up. Anger rose in her, so bitter she could taste it. It was followed by a glacial calm. Elyse pushed out from between the men and stood up. She wobbled toward the door, her body acting of its own accord, her brain on auto-pilot. Halfway across the room, she stopped and pivoted, turning toward them. He wanted to see her with another man? All right. Let him watch. She was going to make sure the impression was burned into his brain. He‟d never be able to wash it from his memory. She stood in the middle of the motel room and tore off her glittery halter top. She‟d gone braless, so her breasts jounced as she tossed the top aside, not caring where it landed. The men gazed at her— Adam‟s eyes burned with lust, while Jason seemed somehow disconnected. She shimmied out of her short skirt and flung it at Adam, hitting him in the face. That was no accident. He drew back, startled, letting the garment fall to the floor. Then, unceremoniously, she pulled down her panties and left them abandoned on the middle of the carpet. Suddenly a voice clanged in her head. Grandma Wanda‟s. “Your mother doesn‟t want you. She‟s too busy chasing her men. Acting like a cheap slut. And you‟ll end up just like her, mark my words.” Yeah, that‟s right, Wanda. I‟m just like my mother. And you‟re not the only one who thinks so. Isn‟t it nice to be right? Stalking to the far side of the bed, she gestured 159

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for Jason to move to the middle of the mattress. “Over here.” He obeyed, reclining, his head on a flattened pillow. Elyse knee-walked across the orange bedspread to him. Her purse, containing condoms, lay on the nightstand. As she reached across Jason for it, her breasts brushed his face, a nipple grazing his lips. Adam hissed an indrawn breath. He reached for her breast, but she knocked his hand away. “You wanted to watch, remember?” Her voice was so frigid it should have given him frostbite. “So watch.” Holding the condom packet in her teeth, she straddled Jason‟s legs, unbuttoning his pants and unzipping his fly. Jason tried to assist her. “No,” she told him. This was her show. Elyse yanked down his pants and briefs to mid thigh. She tore open the condom wrapper, and rolled the rubber down the length of Jason‟s cock. At least he was hard. He‟d been acting so politely distant all evening she wondered if he was into her at all. But why would a man agree to a threesome if he wasn‟t attracted to the participants? A tremendous wave of doubt crashed over Elyse. What was she doing? She mustn‟t stop to think. If her anger crumbled, only despair would be left in its wake. So, no. No thinking. She would see this thing through to the bitter end. She lifted up and impaled herself on Jason in one deep thrust. Watch me, Adam. Watch me, she wanted to say, her eyes on him as she rode Jason. This is what you wanted, isn‟t it? She didn‟t think she‟d come, but as she ground against Jason on the downstroke an orgasm burst upon her unexpectedly, folding her over as the 160

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spasms rolled through her. She fell onto the mattress by Jason‟s side, and was surprised to discover than he had not climaxed. “Do you want me to—” She felt a bit embarrassed. Maybe she really didn‟t turn him on. “It‟s all right,” he murmured, his face flushed. “I can take care of it.” Taking his cock in hand, he began to stroke it up and down. By this time, Adam was standing and shucking off his clothes. Feeling closer to Jason now than she did to Adam, Elyse moved closer to him in a protective gesture. After a few hard strokes he came, shuddering, his face pressed to Elyse‟s shoulder. **** “I thought what we had was real,” she told Adam. “That you loved me the same way I loved you. When you wanted me to get with Jason, I realized how wrong I was.” Adam remembered that Elyse‟s mother had abandoned her, dumping her into a reluctant grandmother‟s care. Had she felt abandoned by him as well? When she spoke again, her voice was clipped. “I hated myself for being so stupid. So…the best way to punish myself was to fuck Jason‟s brains out. And make you watch.” Adam nodded and swallowed hard. It was like swallowing razor blades. “Weren‟t you trying to punish me, too?” Elyse shrugged. “It would have only hurt you if you‟d cared.” “I cared. And it hurt all right. Hurt like a bitch. If that‟s any consolation.” The acid in his stomach started working its way up his throat as he remembered. **** Elyse lay in the middle of the bed, facing Jason, who was sprawled to her left. Adam crawled onto the 161

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bed from the right. She let him touch her, toy with her, while she lay as limp and uninvolved as a rag doll. He tried his best to arouse her, using all his tricks to turn her on, get her hot for him. The ones that always worked before. But this time Elyse reacted as if he were invisible, intangible. As if he wasn‟t there at all. When he finally entered her from behind, Adam was panting, not merely with the need to come, but with frustration. And jealousy. Jason had made her come, but Adam couldn‟t get a twitch, a moan, a single look from her. He growled in her ear as searing cum spurted out of him. Afterwards, he lifted on an elbow and leaned down for a kiss, but she turned her face away. She‟d let him fuck her, but kissing him was out of the question. He should feel exhausted now, ready to sleep. He‟d come that hard. But a heavy weight lay on his chest, robbing him of rest. Time passed, and they were quiet. Though sleep eluded him, Adam began to drowse. Elyse still had her back to him. She stirred, and he heard her murmur something to Jason. A moment later, Devereaux answered. What were they saying? Adam couldn‟t make out the words. A flash of jealousy zapped through him. He clenched his jaw. He‟d fucked up. He lay in a bed with two other people, and never felt lonelier in his life. **** “Why‟d you do it, then? Why‟d you want to share me?” Elyse wiped the tears trickling from her eyes. “I don‟t get it.” Adam hesitated. It was on the tip of his tongue to lie, to say I don‟t know. But he did know. And she deserved the truth. 162

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“It was what you said before. About me not wanting to need anyone.” Elyse waited, holding her breath. She didn‟t want to hear this, but she needed to. “You told me you loved me, and it scared the hell out of me. I couldn‟t handle it. The responsibility of you caring about me.” His breath escaped in a gust, and his shoulders slumped. “I had to push you away. I had to do something to make you hate me.” He‟d succeeded only too well. She‟d hated him all right. So much that she‟d run away. They stared at each other as the silence absorbed his admission. Elyse blinked at him. “I wonder if the coffee‟s ready yet.” She stood up and left the room without another word. Adam closed his eyes, his headache still going strong. Pain stabbed behind his left eye. Jesus, he hated this, all this honesty crap. Baring his soul. He‟d rather have a root canal without Novocain. **** Elyse always thought if she knew why it all happened, there would be a click in her brain, and she‟d finally understand. As she poured black coffee into two mugs, she waited for the click, but it didn‟t come. She returned to the living room with the coffee and a renewed sense of purpose. She‟d been honest with Adam, as hard as it was. And he‟d been honest with her, up to a point. Elyse knew there was more to come, and she was not about to let him off the hook. What was the saying? You‟re only as sick as your secrets. “Coffee.” “Thanks.” She sipped from her cup. “Matthew and I had a good talk while you were sacked out.” He took a quick swallow and grimaced as though he‟d burned his tongue. “Yeah?” 163

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“Yeah. He told me he always felt guilty for not saving your Mom, but you set him straight.” Adam snorted, his lips twisting into a grin, but his eyes looked far away. “That‟s Wash for ya, thinks it‟s his job to save the planet.” Those last few words were spoken mockingly, in the sonorous tones of a talk-show host. “He seems to think you‟ve always blamed yourself, too.” Adam stiffened. “Well, that‟s stupid.” Elyse nodded, watching him closely. “Yeah.” “I mean, how the fuck could I blame myself when I didn‟t live there anymore? Was it my fault my mother married that asshole Don? Was it my fault she had to work all the time, „cause the scumbag didn‟t carry his own weight? I didn‟t put her out on the road that night, when that punk kid ran the stop sign.” “No, of course not.” He released a long breath. “I begged her to leave him, you know. She didn‟t have to stay with Don— all he did was use her.” “But she wouldn‟t leave. So you did.” Adam sat silently, looking miserable, but Elyse knew what he was thinking. He couldn‟t understand why his mother stayed with Don. Why she chose her husband over her sons. “You did what you had to do, Adam. Nobody can blame you for that.” And you can‟t blame yourself. In his own way, Adam had been abandoned by his mother, just as she had been. He‟d been forced to leave home to get free of an impossible situation. The tragedy was, he blamed himself for not staying, for “failing” his mother. So he punished himself, living in his mother‟s house, surrounded by all her possessions. It was Adam‟s way of doing penance. He was just as trapped in the past as she was. 164

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Now Elyse understood why he‟d pushed her away. His mother, the first woman he‟d loved, had let him down, not even realizing it. How could he ever trust another woman? “So what happens now?” Elyse said a moment later. He shook his head. “I don‟t know.” Then, sucking in a breath and straightening his shoulders, he said, “No. I do know. I want to be with you. I don‟t want to lose you again.” “Can you forgive me?” “You didn‟t do anything that needs forgiving,” he said, impatiently dismissing her words. “Yes, I did. I can‟t keep playing Little Miss Victim. If I don‟t own my part, we‟ll never get past this. Can you forgive me?” “Yes. Yes I can.” He looked at her dead on, hiding nothing. Not holding her at arm‟s length. Wanting her to know he was telling the truth. And maybe one day he‟d be able to do something even harder—forgive both himself and his mother for their complicated relationship. When Adam spoke again, his voice was barely audible. “Do you forgive me?” Elyse had been nurturing her anger for two years. She saw now how hard and unforgiving she‟d become, how much like her Grandma Wanda. It was a humbling realization. “I forgive you.” By holding on to resentment, she‟d been stuck in the past. The only way to move on was to let it all go. Someday she might even find it possible forgive Sunny and Grandma Wanda. Elyse was beginning to realize how much it had cost her, carrying all that anger. It was a heavy burden. Was it possible to just let it go? It wasn‟t a question she could answer today. One thing at a time, step by step. Now came the next step. “I love you, Adam.” She 165

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was through hiding from it, pretending it wasn‟t real. But what had he said before? That he didn‟t want the responsibility of somebody loving him. He was not afraid of loving, but of being loved. He was afraid he couldn‟t live up to it, so would rather not accept it at all. “I never stopped loving you,” she told him. “But if you can‟t accept that, if it‟s just going to be a burden to you, then I need to go back to Albany.” Elyse was not threatening him. She made sure there was no anger or blame in her voice, just sad acceptance. Adam stared at her in disbelief. Then his lips firmed, and his jaw tightened with determination. “No. You‟re not going back.” He moved as swiftly as a cat to the cushion beside her. Elyse‟s breath caught, and heat flared through her, prickling her nipples and lips. The juncture of her thighs grew warm and moist as her mouth went dry. He dragged her into his arms. Their lips met. She closed her eyes as she kissed him, breathing him in, tasting him. Their tongues tangled. He tasted of rich coffee. When they drew apart, he spoke. “A burden? Woman, I‟ve done nothing but spend the past few days trying to think of a way to convince you to stay with me. We‟ll do it however you want, Elyse.” “Will we?” She smiled, but a feeling of disappointment threaded through her. He wanted her, but it wasn‟t enough. If Adam offered himself, Elyse would take him. She would take this man, with all his quirks and fears, because God knows she had plenty of her own. She didn‟t expect him to be perfect. But this time, she was not going to accept less than a total commitment from him. This time, he had to say the words. 166

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She frowned as he winced and rubbed his left eyebrow. “What is it?” “Just a headache. The result of too much overindulgence.” “Poor thing.” Elyse massaged his eyebrow with her thumb. “You need some aspirin?” “I need this more. I need you.” He kissed her again and wrapped his arms around her as though he never wanted to let her go. “Elyse, I love you.”

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About the Author Nona Raines became hooked on romances when she first picked up "The Flame and the Flower" by Kathleen Woodiwiss (and she's not telling how long ago that was). Romances may have changed since then, but her love for a good love story has not. She's been writing off and on for years, but it was only when she joined the Central New York Romance Writers Association that she finally gained the support and confidence she needed to complete a manuscript. Nona lives in upstate New York with her many pets and is currently working on her next novel. A former librarian, she enjoys reading books of all genres and discussing them with others. She is thrilled to finally be able to call herself an author. Visit Nona at www.nonaraines.com To chat with Nona Raines and other Wild Rose Press authors of erotic romance, join us at www.groups.yahoo.com/group/thewilderroses.

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Also Available

One Good Man by Nona Raines Just one touch…that‟s all Andie Benedetto wants when she glimpses her father‟s sexy neighbor. Images of deep, long kisses and down and dirty sex heat up her fantasies. When he catches her watching him, she‟s embarrassed but undeniably turned on. Just one weekend…that‟s all Matthew Vostek can offer Andie. He recognizes her shyness, but also senses her desire, the same desire he feels. Maybe they can fulfill each other‟s hottest fantasies. Just an adventure…that‟s what Andie tells herself. Tired of playing the good girl, she‟s ready to accept Matthew‟s challenge and enjoy the most exciting sexual escapade of her life. But when the weekend is over, will Andie finally take what she wants instead of settling for second best?

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Chapter One Andie never intended to watch the man next door. It all happened because she couldn‟t sleep. Tired of kicking around her tangled sheets, she‟d risen out of bed to go to the kitchen for something to drink. She didn‟t need to turn on the light. The suburban split-level was the home she grew up in, though now she was here dog sitting while her father was away. Feeling her way in the dark, she slipped down the hallway. Past the closed door of the bedroom that used to be her parents‟, but now belonged to her father. Past the bathroom, down the steps, and past the living room where Daisy snored on the sofa. Clicking on the kitchen light, she took a glass from the cupboard and some orange juice from the fridge. When she glanced out the window above the sink, she saw him. Matthew Vostek. Sitting on his back steps with his two dogs. A brown-spotted pit bull sat companionably by his feet while a small white one snuffled in the grass. She thought of that old song, “Moonlight Becomes You.” It certainly became Matthew, highlighting his handsome profile. But she needed a closer view. Her thirst forgotten, Andie set the juice carton aside and edged up to the sliding glass door looking out on the garden that used to be her mother‟s pride, but was now weedy and wild. Beyond the deck it gave a view of the neighbor‟s yard and of the neighbor himself. 170

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Keeping herself hidden against the wall, Andie tilted her head enough to glimpse him through the glass. She caught her breath. His plain dark T-shirt covered a torso which, while not muscle-bound, was well developed and broad, tapering to a narrow waist. His arms were well defined. Andie crept closer to the glass. She swallowed hard as her gaze followed him lifting a bottle to his lips and tilting his head back to drink. It was a warm May evening, pleasant enough to be sitting out. Was he just hanging out with his canine buddies at the end of a long day? Or did he, like Andie, have troubles on his mind that kept him from sleep? Whatever he was doing, Andie wished she was beside him, sitting on the steps and hanging, instead of inside this lonely house with its sad memories. She‟d prefer his company to being alone and worrying about how her father was coping with her mother‟s death. Wondering what her boyfriend Douglas meant by telling her he “needed some space.” Were they still a couple? Had they broken up, or what? Her life was falling apart. Andie already knew quite a bit about Matthew without having said more than a few words to him. They‟d exchanged friendly greetings whenever Andie stopped by to visit her dad and he happened to be around. Of course she noticed how good-looking—no, scratch that, how hot—he was, but she‟d made no effort to prolong their conversations. First of all, she‟d been living with Douglas—until he suddenly out of the blue decided to move out because of the needing space thing. Secondly, well, Andie didn‟t trust the man. Matthew was too good-looking. Too hot. The kind of man who had to be a player. Still, that didn‟t keep her from soaking up the interesting tidbits of information the neighborhood 171

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gossips offered. She knew he and his brother ran a lawn and garden business, which accounted for his broad shoulders and well-defined arms as well as his suntan. She knew he was single. She knew he‟d planned to move in with a girlfriend, a fiancée. But something had gone wrong. Matthew arrived and the fiancée never showed. Opinions varied. No one definitely knew the cause of the break-up. Andie‟s guess was he was one more guy who couldn‟t keep his pants zipped. Her mind told her all this, but did her body care? Not a chance. Inching forward, Andie imagined taking the bottle from him and bringing it to her mouth, placing her lips exactly where his had been. She moistened her dry lips. Whatever was in that bottle—beer, pop, or iced tea, she‟d press her lips to his and share the drink with him. She‟d give him open-mouthed tongue kisses, lick down his chin, his throat, his chest. Then she‟d pull his T-shirt up until it bunched under his arms, swirl her tongue around his nipples, suck them, and bite them. Heat pooled in her abdomen and swirled higher, filling her breasts and tightening her nipples as she thought about all the things she dreamed of doing to him. And all the things she wanted him to do to her. She clenched her thighs together as desire throbbed lower, thrumming like a heartbeat. If she‟d been wearing panties, they‟d have been wet. Instead, a trickle of moisture ran down her thighs. Andie ached to take off her nightgown and flatten her naked body against the cool glass. She had to be crazy. A man like Matthew was dangerous. He‟d broken his girlfriend‟s heart and was most likely biding his time before breaking someone else‟s. 172

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A woman would never be safe with someone like him. But Andie‟s body wasn‟t interested in safe. It wanted this man, and to hell with the consequences. She froze as something brushed her bare leg. Daisy, her father‟s aged Golden Retriever, stood beside her. Daisy saw the dogs in the next yard and barked, wanting to join them, even though her arthritic old bones made her a poor playmate. At the sound, Matthew turned, and Andie was caught like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming car, too stunned to move. Frozen there, she was sure she looked like some perverted peeping Thomasina or worse—some desperate sex-deprived loser. Which wasn‟t far from the truth. An instant later she regained use of her limbs and quickly stepped away, out of Matthew‟s sight. Her heart thumped as she shook her head in disbelief. God, what was she doing? Andie dragged herself back to the safety of her bedroom—with one stop at the bathroom sink to splash water on her flushed face. The water cooled her hot cheeks but did nothing for the heat between her thighs. Even being caught red-handed, so to speak, during her erotic fantasies was not enough to extinguish them. Andie slid into bed and kicked off the blankets and sheet. Her skin felt hot and tender, the throbbing between her legs unbearable. Her thoughts were full of Matthew, and she easily slipped back into the fantasy she‟d enjoyed in the kitchen. She imagined sliding his T-shirt up his chest, bunching it under his arms. The cotton was soft from many washings and smelled of detergent as Andie nuzzled her nose to it. Her fingertips skimmed over the soft skin of his chest. His nipples were hard little 173

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points made harder by the swirling motion of her fingers around them. She lowered her head to taste them while her hands combed through the rough hair. He tasted clean and slightly salty from sweat. In her fantasy, Matthew‟s hands were busy, too. They inched up under her short nightgown, performing a teasing dance on her hips and ass. They tickled and tormented, but as good as it felt, his hands were not where she wanted them. He grasped her butt, a cheek in each hand, and Andie didn‟t mind. Usually she didn‟t like that particular part of her anatomy played with, it was where her excess weight settled. But she didn‟t care now, she was into the fantasy, she was into him, and he could touch her any way and anywhere he wanted. He lifted her. She had to stop kissing his chest, but that was okay, because now his mouth was right there, and she didn‟t merely kiss it—she devoured it. It was the sweetest, most decadent mouth she‟d ever tasted, and she wanted as much as she could get before someone came along and said, “You‟ve had enough, Andie, no more for you.” She sucked his lower lip into her mouth, nipped it, then laved the sting away with her tongue. Her tongue undulated against his, dueled with his, licked it again and again to savor every bit of his luscious flavor. In her imagination, her breasts, so full and so tender, were crushed against his chest. She wanted him to use his lips on her, to be as attentive to her nipples as she had been to his. But at the same time it was delicious torture to rub them against him. The silkiness of the nightgown and the rough hair on his chest created a delicious friction that shot sparks straight down her spine to the moist folds between her legs. It didn‟t matter now if the man was a player. At this moment Andie didn‟t care. She wanted to be 174

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used. This wasn‟t about love. It was about getting off. Andie moaned, lying in bed imagining the scene. The fingers of one hand drifted down between her legs while her other palmed a breast. She skimmed her wet lips then zeroed in on the part of her aching to be touched. Her fingers whisked over her swollen clit, and she pretended it was Matthew touching her. In her fantasy she spread her thighs wide around his hips as he rocked against her, pressing the bulge in his jeans against her. The ache grew and grew as he rocked and rubbed, holding her lower body against his. Her lips grew plumper, her eyelids drooped, her breath rasped in her chest. Close, she was so close. Andie touched herself one more time and she came, her pelvis arching off the bed as the waves of pleasure crashed over her. Prickles of delight raced along her nerves, to her fingers, her toes, even her tender, swollen lips. All sound was drowned out by the rush of blood in her ears and the pounding of her heart. The contractions tightened and released until it was almost painful. When the climax subsided she released a long breath, exhausted and completely satisfied. Well, as satisfied as possible all by herself. She rolled to her side and smiled, then frowned as she remembered her fantasy lover had been left unfulfilled. Oh, well. There was always tomorrow night.

To purchase One Good Man and other erotic titles, visit www.thewilderroses.com.

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