If Only You Knew

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Jamallah Bergman

IF ONLY YOU KNEW

Jamallah Bergman

EROTIC ROMANCE

Secret Cravings Publishing www.secretcravingspublishing.com

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A Secret Cravings Publishing Book Erotic Romance IF ONLY YOU KNEW Copyright © 2011 by Jamallah Bergman E-book ISBN: 978-1-61885-063-8 First E-book Publication: November 2011 Cover design by Beth Walker Edited by T. Hayes Proofread by Rene Flowers

All cover art and logo copyright © 2011 by Secret Cravings Publishing

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: This literary work may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, including electronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, without express written permission. All characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is strictly coincidental.

PUBLISHER Secret Cravings Publishing www.secretcravingspublishing.com

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Dedication I would like to dedicate this story to anyone and everyone who has ever had a special someone from their past with whom they had wished they could have that second chance with. It’s never too late for second chances. To my family, for putting up with me throughout the years, I want to thank you for being there for me through thick and thin and always believing in me. To my “online friends” Chris, Debbie, Theresa, Mary and Helen. Without these great ladies that I have known for years on end, without their guidance and helpful ideas, I don’t know how I would be able to live throughout all of the hardships that I have had throughout my life. I love you all very much and I thank you. I also want to dedicate this story to a very special person who this story is really about. This guy was and I still consider him to be a very special someone in my life back in the day and always held a special place in my heart. Throughout all the bad times I had in school, he was always there to make me smile and laugh. I want to thank him, even though to this date he doesn’t know that I cared for him so much, without him always being in my thoughts, this story would probably never have been written.

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IF ONLY YOU KNEW Jamallah Bergman Copyright © 2011

Chapter One “All I know is this, Superman can beat Batman any day of the week!” I had to do a double take when he said it because of all the stupid things to say that had to be the most stupid of them all. “Have you gone mental man?” “Listen, the only reason you’re looking at me like that is because of the simple fact that you know it’s true,” he said, tipping his beer bottle then slowly coming back at me with that notorious smile of his. This was one of many nights where we would go to a bar with a couple of friends, or just us two, and we would talk about the stupidest shit that anyone ever thought of. Tonight’s topic of discussion was Cartoons and Comic Book Characters. “Don’t you know that Superman has a weakness? Batman doesn’t have any weakness whatsoever, you nut!” I told him while our friend Andrew came back to the table. “What did he say now?” “He said that Superman can beat Batman.” Andrew started laughing as he sat down next to Marie, “Come on, Marley, now you know better than anyone that it’s Spiderman who could beat Superman. Batman has a weakness and that is his identity. If anyone was to find out that he was Bruce Wayne, then the whole concept of him being Batman would be null and void.” That’s when he started to laugh, something that I always seemed to enjoy. He had a hearty

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laugh that seemed to fill my stomach and make me just as full of laughter as he was. I don’t think I had ever heard a laugh like his before and really, truly I hoped I never would. “Alright, alright, I have an announcement to make. I didn’t want to say anything until I thought it was the right time, but I think that it’s a good time now,” said Richard as he got up from his chair. I looked up at him and that’s when he looked down at me with those steely green-gray eyes. Yeah, I said it, green-gray. Not blue-green or green-blue but I called them green-gray because when he was happy that’s what color they were, but when he got mad or upset, they turned gray like steel. I don’t think I have ever seen a color like that before. God, I could spend eternity looking into those eyes. “Well, for some time now, I haven’t been around you guys like I use to be; actually, this is like the first in a couple of months since we have all been out together. The reason for that is because, well, I’ve been seeing someone special.” Richard smiled. “So when are we going to meet this ‘girl’ of yours Rich?” Marie smirked, sipping her mixed drink as she elbowed my side. “She’s supposed to be on her way. I told her I wanted you guys to meet because I talk about you all the time. She is amazing and hot man, I swear to you, she is awesome as hell. You’re going to like her, I promise,” he said. I could feel a pit slowly forming deep within my stomach, yeah that’s what it was, a bottomless pit. God, why do I have to put myself through this mess every single time he tells us that he’s found another woman? “I told her a lot about you too, Marley. Hell, she’s just excited about meeting all of you guys.” Well that’s just great, not only is this woman happy to meet his friends, she’s excited about meeting me…hooray for me! “So where did you meet her?” I asked, downing my drink in one big gulp. “She came to my studio wanting some shots done for her portfolio, and Bobby Packard told

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her to come to me. So, we did some shots, she loved them, and I asked her if she wanted to go out for lunch or something. She said ‘sure’ and well, it’s been a little slice of heaven since.” “Well as long as you’re happy.” I said. Smiling my “oh I am so happy for you even though I can’t wait to meet her” smile. “Richard!” shouted a woman from the direction of the front door. I didn’t want to look in that direction, God only knew what I would see if I looked that way. If I did look, I knew the bottomless pit expanding in my stomach would soon start staking claims for real estate. “Damn man, that girl is fine as hell!” said Andrew as the woman walked towards our table. She came over and gave Richard a big hug and an even bigger kiss. She was gorgeous; I had to admit that. She had the full package, nice brown curly hair, nice porcelain white skin, nice pretty, white smile, and nice figure. She was way too nice. “I hope I’m not late. I had a hard time finding this place, Richard.” She smiled as she took off her jacket, revealing a tight little number. Well, at least it was tight to me because I knew I could never get into anything like that. What the hell was she…a size zero or something, good grief. “Everybody, this is Laura Richards. Laura, this is Andrew Peterson, Marie Wallace, and this is my best friend of all, Marley Rockford.” Richard said as she started shaking our hands. “I’m glad that I was able to meet you y’all, Richard always talks about you guys, and it makes me feel like I’ve known you guys just as long as he has,” she said in her unique Southern drawl. The rest of that evening, she talked about how she went all over the world doing runway shows. How she was able to meet people as famous as Paris and Nicky Hilton, Donald Trump, and Mary Kate and Ashley. All I could do was down more and more of the drinks that I had been ordering. By the time it had gotten really late, I had downed at least 5 wine coolers…a record in my book.

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“I’ve got to go.” I started looking around for my purse, which was right in front of me, but hell, I was so damn drunk that I didn’t realize that at the moment. “You need some help, Marley?” Richard asked, helping me get my purse. “Yeah, let me help you get a cab. I’ll be right back, you guys.” When we stepped outside, the night air hit my face like a slap as I held Richard’s arm for support. “Taxi…taxi! So tell me, what you think of Laura?” he asked, while we waited. “She seems like a really lovely girl. She’s very worldly.” I tried to straighten myself. “I’m glad you liked her, that’s what mattered to me the most, that you liked her, Marley.” He meant it this time. I could tell this time he meant it for real by the way his eyes twinkled and his skin seemed to glow. He was honestly in love with this woman. Shit, what am I going to do now? The taxi pulled up, he opened the door, and I got inside. I looked up at him, and he chuckled a little then said, “You need to lay off the drink for a while, Marley Mar.” He closed the door, and I waved him off as the cabbie asked, “Where to?” “473 Abernathy Way.” I laid my head back, the glow of the neon lights playing tricks with my eyes as we sped off, going home. All I wanted was to forget tonight, forget everything said and done. But I knew that was not going to happen anytime soon. I couldn’t understand for the life of me why I always put myself through all this unnecessary turmoil with Richard. Every single time he gets a new woman in his life, the more I grin and bear it. When I met Richard Collins, we were both in college. It was our freshman year and I was sitting by myself in History class with Mr. Davis. No one wanted to sit with me, and I kept thinking that it felt so much like High School all over again. No one wanted to sit next to the fat chick, until he came over to my table. “Do you mind if I sit here?” I looked at him and moved my purse out of the chair. Right then and there, I knew I was in

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love with him. “Is this your first year here?” “Yes, it is.” “Mine too, what is your major?” “Creative Writing, I plan on begin a writer.” “Wow, you must be real smart then.” I couldn’t help but laugh but he did as well and that is what started our friendship. We were study buddies all throughout college, even though we sometimes had different classes; we were always there for each other. When I got home, I walked inside and took off my shoes before turning on the light. Stumbling over something, I tried to feel the switch on the wall to flick it on. I looked up and saw myself in the mirror, which I put there to look at myself before I left the house. I didn’t like what I saw looking back at me. Breathing a heavy sigh, I ran my fingers through my hair, knowing I needed to wash it. My eyes looked swollen from drinking so much. I looked like hell, and this night, thinking about Richard and that beauty queen of a girlfriend of his, wasn’t making my head feel any better. Slowly, I walked to the couch and plopped my fat butt on it. Thank God for strong couches! I could feel the alcohol slowly putting me to sleep, making me feel as though I was slowly sinking deeper within the depths of the couch. I was that numb from drunkenness, sorrow, and pain as I slowly started drifting off to sleep, trying not to think about what happened tonight. The next day, while I was working on my novel, the intercom buzzer went off, and I went to see who it was. “Yeah, who is it?” “It’s me, Marie, and Andrew. Can we come up, we’ve got lunch?” I buzzed them in and unlocked the door, walking back to my laptop to continue the

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paragraph. When they both came in, Marie had two bags of food and went straight for the kitchen while Andrew came and sat next to me. “How’s your head?” “Fine, the hangover has completely left me. It will probably take up residence another night.” I joked as I finished the paragraph and saved it. “So what happened when I left the “nice” party?” “She was telling us about Italy and asked if we would like anything from there. She’s supposed to be going to Milan for a shoot for some magazine for a week and a half. She went on and on until I told them both I had to go,” Marie said while getting some plates for us then going back for the food. “But man, she was hot. Richard has good taste in women.” Andrew smiled as he handed me a plate. I gave him a cold stare as Marie came back with the food. We sat in silence and ate our food; at least, I tried to eat my food. I kept picking at it with my chop sticks then put my plate down. “What’s the matter? You can’t be full already,” Andrew said, looking at my plate. “I just can’t eat right now. I have way too much on my mind with the deadline for this story and with…well, with Richard and his new girl—him and his fucking girlfriends. First, it was Marlene the accountant, then Allison the bartender over at the club, and now, it’s this model. I don’t understand what the hell he sees in these women. All I see is that they are way too pretty and way too hooked on themselves and not him,” I said as I got up and went to the window, looking at the buildings in front of me. “Why can’t he be with someone who cares about him, someone who understands him better than anyone else, someone like…?” “You,” said Andrew as I looked back at him, trying not to cry in front of them. They knew my feelings for Richard; the only one who didn’t know was Richard himself. “Why don’t you just tell him how you feel, get it over with, so you can be happy. I hated seeing you last night, getting drunk out of your mind like that. You do that, or you get pissed off, or you eat too much,” Marie said, walking up and holding my hand. “He doesn’t see me that

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way, only the ‘I am the best bud in the whole wide world.’ I’m just one of the guys who jokes, laughs, and makes stupid comments about things, shit like that. I’m not like that pretty looking thing with the slim waist. Every time he does this, I want to stay as far away from him as I can, but I can’t do it. It’s like I’m drawn to him and whenever he ends up breaking up with them, I am always his shoulder to cry on.” I started sniffling as Marie gave me a hug. “Just tell him. What harm could come if you tell him how you feel?” Andrew asked. “A lot, I could lose him if I tell and I don’t want that to happen. You don’t understand, my track record with men hasn’t been the best, it’s been really bad, and whenever I find someone that I really like and tell them how I care about them, they stop talking to me all together. I don’t think I could handle it if I lost him. I’m going to put it on the back burner for now, be a big girl, and let it go.” Marie looked at me and shook her head, “Sweetheart you’re going to have to tell him sometime, you can’t keep putting things on the back burner. Listen, why don’t you come with me, and we can go shopping and get us some nice things. Maybe we can go out to the club tonight, just me and you, huh, what do you say?” I smiled at Marie and nodded. That night we went to our favorite little hangout, a strip club we frequented on the weekends. We had been there so many times that they basically knew us on a first name basis. “How’s your story going?” asked this guy whose stage name was Houston. “I should be done in about week or so, depends on whether I finish before the deadline.” I smiled, drinking my third drink of the night. “Why don’t you give me that drink? You’ve had enough already,” Marie told me, trying to get my glass, but I was too quick and grabbed it before she did. I downed it quick then grabbed Houston’s hand as I tried to stand. We walked to a quiet little corner of the club where it was dark and no one could see what we were doing. Houston knew how to treat me just right as another song began, and he began to dance for me. Sitting back, I watched him, trying to focus on his body as the red, blue, yellow, and orange lights seemed to cast an aura around his body. It mesmerized me how he looked moving his hips from side to side to the music, slowly getting

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naked in front of me. I could only sit there like something from The Night of the Living Dead and watch him dance. I was completely numb from the liquor, from the lights, and from those gyrating hips of his. “Are you ok, sweetheart?” One of the other dancers kneeled beside me, looking concerned. I looked at the guy and smiled, pulling out a wad of money from my bra, “C’mon baby, dance for momma tonight!” That’s when they really started to get down and nasty with me, rubbing their bodies all over mine. It was absolutely 100% sex…without the condoms and actual penetration. That’s when I saw a group of women watching the whole “threesome” go down. I could see that one of them was trying to get Houston’s attention, but he never did pay much attention to her, which made her get up from her seat and walk over to where we were. “How about coming over and dancing for us baby, we’ve been waiting for you,” she said slyly, looking down at me. “After this song, I’ll come over to your table.” “Why not now sweetheart? You’re not doing anything but dancing for this thing here.” Something within me snapped back to reality. I got up from my chair and looked at her, “Who you calling a ‘thing’?” “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean thing, I meant to say Ms. Fat Thing!” she snickered, her hand on her hip. This is when the “slap heard round the world” comes into motion. “Why” you might ask, is it called that; well, the last time I got into a fight with someone, I slapped them so hard that not only did the person end up with a broken jaw, but folks heard the sound of that slap clear across the other side of the street and about 2 blocks away. I could see from the way this evening was going, that the “slap” was going to be making a comeback. Before I knew it, I slapped her so hard that she landed on the floor, and her little “posse” of friends came zooming my way. “I can’t believe you got us kicked out of the club tonight, what the hell is wrong with you,

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woman?” Marie asked, handing me an ice pack for my hand once we were at my apartment. “That snaggletooth heifer shouldn’t have called me a ‘fat thing’ and she wouldn’t have gotten a slap like she did. The rest of those crazy bitches wouldn’t have gotten beaten up either.” The ice pack felt like it was hot on my skin and made me hiss a little as I pressed it to my hand. “Are you going to be alright?” I looked at her as she started putting on her jacket and grabbing her purse. “Yeah, go on, I’ll be alright. Listen, I’m sorry about tonight, I know you were trying to cheer me up and I ruined it.” Marie laughed a little as she opened the door and walked out, leaving me alone. It took a while before I started to get ready for bed. Removing the ice pack from my hand, I wiggled my sore fingers to make sure they weren’t broken or anything then made my way to my bed.

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Chapter Two Today was cleaning day for me. I was busy as hell trying to get that pesky burn stain from the eye of the stove. Give me strength, almighty-cleaning Gods above! The phone rang, which in itself was a blessing because I had been cleaning non-stop for about three hours. “Hello?” “Hey there, what are you doing?” asked Richard. “Cleaning, do you want to come over and help me with this stove?” I asked while plopping on the couch. I heard him laugh, and I sighed from the relief I felt when I sat down, “I was calling to see how you were doing. I haven’t heard from you since that night at the bar, and I was worried about you.” Such a caring soul he is, no wonder I love him so much. “Marie and Andrew came by the next day to check on me. They told me that your girlfriend talked up a storm that night.” “Yeah, Laura is quite a character. I think that Marie had enough of her talking though, because she said she was ready to go.” I started giggling but stopped to ask, “So, where is she now?” “On her way over here to the studio and that’s actually why I called you in the first place. I took some new pictures, and I need your advice on some of them to put up. How long will it take you to come over?”

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then.” Richard had always told me when we were in college that one day he was going to open a gallery with all of his works. When we both moved to Manhattan, the first thing he did was look for a place to start his gallery. It took him months of searching for the right location, but he found this little run down coffee shop. I swear sometimes, after all these years, that you can still smell the faint scent of coffee. “Hey, Marley, glad you made it,” Richard said, coming down the stairs with some folders. He was wearing those faded blue jeans with the white shirt that he always wore when he was working. “Goodness, where are your shoes, man?” I said as I made my way up the steps. “I don’t understand why he does that either,” said a voice from inside of the bathroom. That’s when she came out with a smile on her face, and soon her lips were on his. “I wanted you to see these pictures I took over at Central Park about a week ago. You see this one of the little boy with the big red ball…see how he throws it up in the air like that. I was thinking about blowing it up, and instead of the ball, I would superimpose a picture of the Earth.” “I love it, Richard sweetheart. I think it would look great.” Laura smiled as she stepped between Richard and me. I looked at the picture again and said, “Well yeah, it would be nice, but how about doing this… Why not leave it; originality is the key to taking a photograph no matter what. Just leave it like it is, it’s priceless.” “I swear, Marley, I don’t know what I would do without you. You’re absolutely right, thanks.” Marley 1… Laura 0! “Oh, I wanted to show you something else, sweetheart, I got some new swimsuits that I want you to see. Let me get them out of the car,” Laura said with a quirky little high-pitched giggle as the clip clop of her higher than high heels wreaked havoc on the hardwood floor.

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Good lord, who in the hell told her that laugh of hers was cute anyways? “I’ve got to go, my man, I’ve got to go and meet Agnes about my book I sent her. I’ll let you know what she thinks about it,” I said, walking down the steps. “Alright then, talk with you later.” He smiled as I waved. I was just hoping that Agnes wasn’t going to be jumping down my throat about how long it took for me to submit my newest work, even though it was supposed to have been sent in about a month ago, there was still something missing. When I got to her office, Maggie, her secretary, was there to greet me. “Hey, Marley, Mrs. Mason is already expecting you. Go right on in.” I smiled as I went into her office. She was on the phone with someone and she pointed to the chair in front of her desk for me to sit. “I want to talk with you about your story,” she whispered as I sat down in the brown leather chair. “Alright then, I’ll talk with you later, take care,” she said then hung up the phone. Agnes turned to me, “Well I read your novel and this one is probably your best work yet. I literally cried my eyes out until there were no more tears left to cry. I don’t know how you come up with such good characters. They seem so lifelike, Marley, I don’t know how you do it sometimes.” I started laughing because I could tell by how red and swollen her eyes were that she was telling the truth. “So you think my fans are going to like it then?” “Do you know who I just got off the phone with? Robert Chase from Barnes and Noble and he wants you to do two grand openings; a book signing at one and a signing with a Q and A session at the other. I can have you scheduled for both if you can do it?” she asked with a smile. “I would love to do it. I have never had a book signing for any of my books before. My schedule is completely open for anytime. I just came to see what you thought of my book.” “What’s the matter, Marley, you look down today?” “Nothing, Agnes, I’ve just had a lot of stuff going on lately, nothing that a long warm soak

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wouldn’t cure. It looks like the right weather for it anyways. Call me later, when you’re not busy, ok?” Getting up, I waved as I walked out of her office. **** “Do you want to go out for dinner tonight, my treat?” Andrew asked while we walked from his office to the corner market place. “Nah, I plan to stay in tonight. My movie is coming on and I want to see it.” “But I am treating, Marley, and you know I don’t do that often.” I laughed at Andrew as I looked over the tomatoes, “This I know, but it’s going to rain because my knee has been acting up all day, so I’m going to make myself dinner, curl up in my pajamas, and watch a good movie.” And that’s what I did when I finally got myself settled down that night, and like I predicted, the rain was pouring outside. I was eating a salad with the tomatoes I bought from the market place when the intercom buzzer rang through my apartment. Getting up, I pushed the button, “Yes, who it is?” “It’s me, Richard, can I come up?” Pushing the buzzer for a minute, I opened the door as I heard his footsteps coming up the hallway. He was soaking wet when he came to my door. “I know you didn’t come out in this weather without an umbrella!” “I got bored at home, so I came to surprise you. What are you doing?” “First thing first, take your coat off and put it in the bathroom on the hanger to dry and go change clothes. You’re soaking wet, and I am not going to have you dripping all over my couch. You know the drill, mister, so move it!” I shouted as he went straight to my bathroom to change. When he came out, he was wearing his usual baggy pants and a t-shirt he mixed up one time in my laundry and I just kept them at my place. He went into the kitchen and came back to the couch with a bag of chips and two sodas. Handing me one, I put mine on the coffee table and continued to watch my movie. That’s when he put his cold feet on mine and I shouted as he

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started laughing. I threw a pillow at him, starting a full-blown pillow fight. I don’t think I ever laughed so hard, it felt good to laugh like that again. “You know, you’re a trip. What happened with your girl?” I asked point blank. “She had some party she wanted me to go to, but I told her I was too tired, going to parties every single night and meeting all of those people, most of them are the same ones. So I just stayed home, then I got bored. I was going to call you but decided to surprise you, and well, here I am.” He smiled as he sat right next to me. Even though he was wet from the rain, I could still smell his cologne. It was something that I gave him a long time ago, and he told me how much he loved it. The smell was not too faint but I could still smell it on his skin as I started snuggling with him. This was as far as I could go with him; we never ever seem to go any further than snuggling. Grabbing the blanket I had, I pulled it over the both of us and we snuggled deep within the warmth of the blanket and his body. God, why can’t it be like this all the time? I didn’t realize that I had fallen asleep until I found us still lying together on the couch. Looking up at his sleeping face, I had to smile at how peaceful he looked. I couldn’t, I wouldn’t take my eyes off of him at that moment. I wanted to kiss those lips just to feel them. He had kissed me dozens of times on the cheek, but I hadn’t had a real kiss since that night when we were in college. “Alright Richard it’s your turn now, truth or dare?” Max Simmons asked as everyone else started passing around Jell-O shots. “Dare!” It was our junior year in college and we were having fun at an after mid-terms party at Richard’s fraternity. Everyone started laughing and giggling as some of the guys huddled around Max to plan this dare. “Alright, alright, you have two choices. You can either kiss Marley or drink this cup of cigarette butts, Coca Cola, and ashes,” he said, handing him the McDonalds cup filled with the concoction. I swear I never saw anyone turn so many shades of green in my life. He probably

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could have barfed something the cat drug up, but I never thought that he would do what he was about to do. “But here is the catch…if you kiss Marley; you have to go into the closet over there to do it.” He pointed towards a black door and believe me, there was no telling what lurked in the deep depths of that closet. I was afraid even to think of how much it probably smelled. That’s when he grabbed my hand and pulled me up, walking me to that closet door. “How long do we have to be in there?” I asked Max as he opened the closet door for us. “If it is a good kiss then it should last around 5 minutes, maybe longer if it’s really good, have fun kiddies!” he laughed and closed the door. Darkness engulfed us. “Where is the light?” Richard asked, trying to find a switch or something. “Just feel around, you’ll find it.” Soon, the little light that did come into the closet was enough for us to see each other. It was an uncomfortable moment, I had to admit, and all we could do was to sit and wait. He looked at me and I saw a nervous smile. “What do we do now?” I asked. “You know they’re going to wonder if we did it or not. You don’t have any of my lipstick smeared all over your face. If we’re going to kiss then why not just get it over with.” He nodded and moved toward me, even though all I could see was the outline of his head in what seemed a florescent halo. Finally, I could see his eyes; God, those eyes, how they sparkled in the darkness. I kept staring as he bent over me while I sat on a trunk. I don’t know what he was thinking at that time, but I was thinking, “God I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long!” His fingers ran lightly across my face, it felt so nice, and I wanted to let this moment linger as he moved some of my black hair from my face. If you don’t show that you‘re enjoying this, then he won‘t know that you care so much, I kept telling myself while he cupped my chin, motioning it upwards toward his face and that sweet

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smile of his. It made me smile when he did. I don’t know what it was about him that always made me smile. Maybe it’s because you’re in love with him you idiot! “You know, as long as I’ve known you, Marley, I’ve never noticed how your eyes seem to shine so much.” He moved closer to me, and I could feel his warm breath against my lips. That's when it happened. It was soft and it made me tingle all over as I felt him deepen the kiss. I slowly stood and we held each other close. That’s when the door opened with a bright shot of light, and we heard a lot of cheers and shouts from people as we stopped mid-kiss. Talk about being embarrassed that night. It would be the only time we ever kissed like that. Go on girl, he’s still asleep... Kiss him, he won't know! I shook that idea out of my mind. If I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted him to be fully aware of what he was doing. I got up quietly, yeah even for a fat chick I could move with ease as I put the blanket back on him and went to the bathroom. I started making breakfast; scrambled eggs, sausage, toast, and some fruit. When I started pouring the juice, I could see his sleepy head pop up from behind the couch. Rubbing his eyes and stretching out, he looked over and said, “Mm, a little breakfast, huh? Let me check on my clothes and see if they are dry yet.” I decided to make a small bowl of grits for myself, and when I came back to the table, he came in with his clothes and sat down. We ate our food; well, we ended up eating off each other's plate because he kept eating my grits. “Didn’t you tell me that you didn’t like grits?” “I only like it when you make them; yours are always good for some reason. I always enjoy having breakfast with you like this. I’ve actually missed spending time with you, been so busy with work and these shoots, and Laura, she keeps me on my toes a lot. You know, she was telling me that she wanted me to go to France with her. I’ve always wanted to go there and take

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pictures. I’m thinking about going, Marley. I really want to go badly.” This is not the way to start the day. I knew I was going to throw up my breakfast. This was like a bad fucking nightmare. I heard the phone ring and got up to answer it. “Hello?” “Is Richard there?” asked a female voice. I handed the phone to him as he started talking on the phone. I was putting up the dishes as I heard him telling her that he was over here for the night. I could hear her screaming something, and he went on to say he had slept on the couch watching television. She thought we slept together. Oh my God, she thinks we slept together! He hung up the phone but didn’t look at me at first. Then he turned around and tried to put on a smile, but I knew whatever she said hurt him. I just went back to rinsing the dishes before I set them up in the dishwasher. “That was Laura. She was worried about me. I forgot my cell phone, and she had been calling me half the night. Then she got your number off the net and called.” “She sounded pissed.” I told him point blank. “Yeah, she was, but she’ll get over it. I’ve got to go back to the studio,” he said, putting on his shoes and making his way to the door. He turned around, looked at me, and smiled, “I’ll call you later. Maybe we can go out for lunch, if you like.” He closed the door, and I slumped down in my chair with a heavy sigh. What is going on with me? I went to start my bath, figuring out whether to use my vanilla or lavender bath salts. Oh hell, might as well use both of them, so half of each went into the warm water. I went to get my towel when the phone rang again. “Hello?” “Is Richard there?” “He just left not too long ago.” “Can I ask you something? Why was he there with you last night?”

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I know I looked puzzled as I went to turn off the faucet in the tub, “Who is this?” “This is Laura, his girlfriend, Laura.” She made sure to emphasize “girlfriend” when she responded. “He came over to watch a movie. Listen, didn’t he already explain to you why he was here. I really don’t understand why I am explaining anything to you in the first place.” “Why is he always talking about you all the time? Every day he refers to something that happened when you guys were in college or something else. And now, he’s at your place, all night long, what am I supposed to think?” she said, anger in her voice. This girl was totally pissed at me. “If you trust your man, then you shouldn’t have to worry about where he goes. Richard and I have history, and we always will have history regardless of who he dates or I date.” I could feel my blood pressure starting to rise. “When was the last time you had a date anyway? I mean, has it been that long that no one has wanted to take you out and now you have to go after someone else’s man? Why don’t you just leave mine alone? He wouldn’t want a fat bitch like you anyway!” She hung up the phone, and I swear I threw the phone clear across the room and heard it crash against the wall. I went on to take my bath, and I think I stayed in there for about an hour, until it got too cold for me to stand.

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Chapter Three “I have someone that I want you to meet.” Those are some of the most stomach churning words to make into a sentence, but that is what I heard over the phone earlier that day. “Who is it, Marie?” “This guy I work with in accounting, he is really a sweetheart of a guy, and girlfriend, and he is really hot.” That meant he was dull and boring and probably had a 5 o’clock shadow. “He wants to meet you because I’ve told him a lot about you and you being a writer. So, I set you up for a dinner date at eight, and you’re to meet him at The Japanese Steakhouse on Calhoun Avenue,” Marie instructed. “I can't believe you made a date with a guy that I don’t even know. How dare you, woman!” I shouted as I put lotion on my legs. “Whoa, woman, what got up your butt this afternoon?” “A skinny little Southern twig name Laura, she thought I was sleeping with Richard.” “Say what? Oh hell no! She thought you and Richard were sleeping together?” All I could do was shake my head in disgust as Marie continued to tell me about my “mystery date” for tonight. When I got to the Steakhouse, I stood outside and watched for my date. It was 8:05, and I was really hoping he wasn’t going to show up. “Marley?” said a voice from behind me as I turned around.

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All I could see was a chest. I had to look up to see the rest of him, and I had to admit, Marie made a good choice for a blind date. He looked at me puzzlingly, but when I told him yes, he flashed a very impressive smile. “Marie has told me a lot about you, a lot she didn’t tell me though, but that’s ok. I am Todd Lewis by the way.” He took my hand and softly kissed it. We both walked inside and went to get our table. What does he mean by “A lot she didn’t tell me?” “So, Marie told me that you’re a writer. What do you specialize in?” he asked as he poured me some sake. “I write about Romance, mainly contemporary. I turned in one of my novels just yesterday and I plan to do some book signings soon.” He smiled and it seemed to make his brown eyes twinkle a little. He was handsome, reminded me of that model Tyson. I sipped some sake, and before I could put down my cup, he was pouring me more. “Do you write any erotica?” he asked when the waiter came to our table. I looked at him and I had to laugh a little as he did the same. “Um, no, I sure don’t. I don’t think I could do anything like that in my writing.” “You don’t know what you have, there is probably a little sex demon lurking inside that mind of yours.” He said then stuffed his face with sushi. I had to keep myself from laughing so damn much at his comments because they were too funny. But what wasn’t funny was the fact that he kept trying to get me to drink more. “I don’t think I should drink anymore of this Sake, it’s going to get to my head pretty soon.” I said as I took a sip of water. “The night is young, come and live a little. Besides, I told Marie we would go down to this bar and meet her and some others there. Let me pay and we can go.” He snapped his fingers to get the waiter as I got my purse and made my way to the bathroom. It took me some time to get to the bathroom. I didn’t want to look like a complete drunk

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while I was walking back to the bathroom, so I took small steps. When I did get there, I looked in the mirror, and even though I knew I was a drunken mess, I still looked good. When I came back, I walked into the bright red waiting area and saw Todd standing there. “You ready?” I asked him with a smile. He nodded and we walked out of the restaurant. When we walked outside, I almost felt as if I was going to fall, and that’s when he caught my arm, “Are you ok?” I felt so damn lightheaded it was unreal, so I held onto him until we got to his car and he helped me in. **** “Hey you guys, over here!” shouted Marie, waving us over to our favorite table when we got to the bar. Andrew was there along with another woman who ended up being Laura behind some shades. Oh my God, I know she isn’t wearing shades inside of a bar at night. I plopped down next to Andrew as he gave me a hug while Marie introduced Todd to everyone. When Richard came to the table and saw me sitting with Todd, he looked concerned or something. Maybe it was the Sake playing with my mind. “Hey, Marley, how you doing?” he said with a smile. “Fine, Richard. This is Todd, my date for the night.” Todd stood and went to shake his hand, and I saw the look in Richard’s eyes, it looked weird as he shook Todd’s hand and pulled off a fake smile as he sat back down next to Laura. “Does anyone want a drink, let me refresh everyone’s. I’ll be right back.” Todd said, heading toward the bar. I started sipping water and Marie asked, “So, how do you like him?” “He’s nice, really nice. He seems like he’s really interested in my writing.” “You know it’s interesting that I haven’t seen any of your books around the book stores, Marley,” Laura said as she sipped some of her drink. I ignored the little wench because I was still pissed at her, but I couldn’t pass up making her

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look like a complete ass at that moment, “I’m shocked that you even went to a book store, Laura.” I said with a coy smile as Todd brought the drinks back to the table. Everyone grabbed their drinks but I didn’t see mine, “Where’s my drink?” “Damn, hold on, let me go back and get it,” Todd said as he walked through the crowd. He came back with a coke, which I was happy about. I really wasn’t interested in drinking anymore alcohol. “I thought I would get you some coke instead.” He smiled as he sat down next to me and I took a long sip. It had a strong kick, even for coke, which always made me kind of growl a little from the soda taste when it hits your throat and makes it feel like it was burning. For some reason, it hit even more when I took that long gulp. I took another sip, put the drink down, and listened to everyone talk. The room seemed like it was tilting for some reason, and I was just sitting down. I looked over at Marie who seemed to be talking in slow motion, all of her movements were in slow motion, and my head felt heavier. I looked over to see Richard talking to Laura and pouring beer in a glass for her. That beer was going so damn slow into the glass it was unreal. What the fuck is going on? Richard looked at me really concerned, “Marley, are you ok?” Why was he talking so slow, and why was the chair I was sitting in sinking. Andrew looked at me, and I was sweating really badly. He stood, along with some of the other people at the table. “Are you ok, Marley? We need to get her outside, come on.” Todd stated as he and Andrew helped me out of my chair. I tried to walk toward the door, but before I could get up, yours truly ended up falling down on the hardwood floor in a slump. I don’t remember anything after that; everything went completely black once I hit the floor. When I woke up, I found myself in a hospital, and Richard and Marie were in the room with me. My head felt like a two-ton truck ran over it, and I was still dizzy.

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Jamallah Bergman “Where am I?” I mumbled, rubbing my head. “You’re in the hospital. You’ve been here three days now. Oh Marley, I am so sorry for

setting you up with that idiot, Todd.” Marie started crying a little, and I didn’t understand why. “What the hell happened, and why am I here?” “You were drugged that night with Todd, he put that date rape drug in your drink when you went to the restaurant, and then he put it in your coke, but he doubled it and that’s what got you so sick.” I looked down and saw his hand taped. “What happened to your hand?” “I ended up punching the hell out of that son of a bitch. Got in a big fight with him in the bar, it was pretty wild.” He smiled as he sat down next to me in the bed. I started laughing a little and then I laid my head back down on the pillow. “I’ve got to get back to work, but I’ll be coming by your place today. The doctors said if they think you’re well enough, they will let you go on home.” She walked out of the room and we both sat there in silence. Then he took my hand and squeezed it softly. “I’m just glad that you’re ok. You had me scared, woman, thought I was going to lose you there for a while.” I snickered a little and squeezed his hand some more. “It’s going to be a while before I leave you.” Leaning over, he kissed my forehead, looked into my eyes, and smiled, “I’ll let you get some rest. I’m going to see where the doctor is because I’m taking you home today.” He walked out of the room and left me alone as I sighed. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest, he knew I was in trouble and he came to my rescue. **** “Do you think you can make it inside, or should I just carry you over the threshold?” Richard joked as I started walking inside of my apartment.

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“Ha, yeah, and if that was to happen then we will be right back at the hospital for your broken back.” I walked in, went to the window, and opened it a little to get the stuffiness out of the apartment. Richard answered his phone and walked toward the kitchen, talking while I took in a deep breath of air. It feels good to be in my own place and able to relax finally. I decided that I wouldn’t be going out on any “blind dates” for a very long time. “That was Laura; she wanted to know if you were ok and all.” That was a surprise, she wanting to know how I was. I sat down on the couch as he came around and plopped down next to me. “You know, Marley Mar, you really gave me a scare that night. I didn’t know what to do when I saw your eyes roll to the back of your head like that.” He took my hand and held it tight in his, and I swear I could see that he was trying not to cry. “You and I have always been a team, through thick and thin, we have been there for each other.” He kept looking at my hand as he held it in his. The Band-Aid from my IV was still there and he softly kissed it. It felt like a million points of light were shooting through me when his lips touched my skin. “So what would you like to do tonight? We could order in some food or I can go to the marketplace and grab something to make here.” I started laughing for a second and he looked puzzled, “What?” “You can’t cook worth a damn and you know it.” I chuckled as I grabbed my purse and got up. “Yes, I can too cook. How can you say that I am a bad cook?” he asked as he too got up. “How about the Kitchen Fire of 1993 or did you forget about that?” He rolled his eyes and shook his head. I continued laughing as he opened the door. “I swear you will never ever let me live that down, will you?”

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rocking chairs in some old folks home.” I laughed as we walked into the hallway. The Kitchen Fire of 1993 will probably go down in history as the “Ultimate Blunder of All Time” or what I would like to call it, “The Biggest Achievement to Impress a Girl that Ended up Almost Getting Everyone Killed.” “Are you sure you don’t want me to help with cooking the food?” I had asked him that night in 1993 at his apartment. He had told this girl that he had been dating that he would cook her dinner that night, the only thing was…well Richard couldn’t cook worth a damn. “Yes, I am positive that I don’t need you here. If she sees that I had someone cook for me, she will know that I am lying,” he told me as he got the chicken out of the fridge. “But you did lie, about everything you told her. I almost had a heart attack when you told me all the crap you said. Man, you guys will do anything to get a girl to like you or jump their bones.” Richard laughed as I shook my head while he scrambled around the small kitchen, making sure that everything was together. “You better go because I’ve got to get ready for Emily. I’ll call you tomorrow and let you know how everything went.” When I started hearing sirens around nine o’clock, I looked out of my window and shouted to some passersby, “What’s going on?” “There’s a fire over at the Inman Court!” I could have won the 100-yard dash with how fast I sprinted to Richard’s place. There were so many campus and city police along with the fire department around. The place was a complete zoo with the fire fighters putting out the fire and some of the students looking and pointing at the gutted hole where Richard’s apartment once was. Looking around, I saw Richard sitting in the ambulance with an oxygen mask over his face and his hair and clothes covered in black soot. I ran to him, and he looked up at me as I gave him a big hug. “What the hell happened?” I asked as he took the mask off his face.

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“I turned up the heat on the chicken with the liquor in it. Some of it splattered onto the kitchen counter and some boxes that I had near it caught fire. It was awful, Marley, and I tried to put it out but it kept getting bigger and bigger and then Emily started screaming. I swear I have never seen anything like it before in my life.” He continued to hug me even more, and all I could do was shake my head and try not to laugh. “And after all that mess, I was shocked that they didn’t make your parents pay for all that damn damage you did.” I snickered as I looked over the breads. “Shut up, Marley.” I smiled even more as I pointed out a warm loaf of French bread and the baker put it in paper and handed it to Richard. “I think we have everything here, No we don’t we forgot about dessert. What would you like to get?” “Hummingbird Cake, oh you have got to try this cake, it is unbelievable.” I said as I dragged him to where the cakes were and we got half of my new ultimate weakness. When we got home, I could hear the phone ringing. “Hello?” “Hey baby, I see you made it home alright,” said the soothing voice of my momma. “Yeah, I made it in just fine, Richard brought me home. We just came back from getting something to eat for tonight.” Richard mouthed, “Who are you talking to?” “It’s momma,” I whispered. He smiled and shouted, “Hi, momma!” I couldn’t stop laughing and neither could my mom. “I swear that boy kills me, calling me momma like that. You tell him momma says hello. Why haven’t you snatched him up yet?” she asked for what was now an unprecedented two hundred and forty five times. “Momma, don’t start that now. I’ll tell Richard you said hello but I am fine. Tell pops and grandma I said hello, ok?” She chuckled and all I could do was smile. She knew I was avoiding

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answering that question for the two hundred and forty fifth time. “Bye baby. Call me later when you’ve rested.” “Bye, momma and I promise I will” I hung up the phone, and Richard was still putting the food on the platter for us to munch on. “Momma said ‘hello’ by the way” I started munching on an olive, and he opened his mouth for me to throw one into it. “Go long!” He went across the room toward the hallway, and with such accuracy, I threw the olive and was shocked that it went in. “Goal!” we both shouted as he paraded around the room as if he scored the winning goal in soccer. I couldn’t stop laughing as I brought the platter to the coffee table, and he brought the ginger ale and two glasses. We didn’t just eat our food; we ended up throwing it into each other’s mouths. “Ouch, dang, that hit me in the eye,” he whined, holding his eye for a second as I moved closer to see if I really hurt him. “Let me see, hold still!” I said as he blinked his eye a little, then I saw that beautiful orb looking back at me. Even though it was a little red, it still looked beautiful, none the less. “You’ll be ok, you’re a tough guy.” I smiled as he wiped his eye and looked back at me. He kept looking at me and, for some reason that I don’t know, I started feeling really uncomfortable. “What?” I finally asked him as I started drinking some ginger ale. Shaking his head as if he was trying to wake himself from a dream, he started laughing and said, “Nothing.” Wow, was that an awkward moment or what? When Richard came back with the cake after dinner, I asked him, “Tell me what happened that night I passed out, I mean the fight and all?”

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Rolling his eyes, he started chuckling before he told me, so I figured it had to be funny as hell. “When you fell, I got scared as hell and everyone in the bar started crowding around us. Andrew started screaming, call 911!’ repeatedly while Todd and me tried to get you up on some tables that some folks put together. I had never seen you look that way in my life and so clammy too. Todd was looking nervous, and I knew that something was up from the way he was looking at you. So, I asked him what he did to you. He told me I was tripping hard, and Laura, she said the same thing even though I could tell she was kind of concerned about you.” Oh my God, the bitch was concerned about me, someone call the fucking law! “I went to get your cup, and I saw a pill at the bottom of it. I asked him what the hell it was and all he could do was smile and say, ‘how the hell did I know she was going to pass out like that?’ That’s when my fist met his face, and he ended up on the floor. All I could remember was punching his face in with my fist over and over again. Andrew kept trying to get me back, Laura kept screaming, and when the cops and ambulance came, they pulled me off him and arrested him. And from what I heard, Marie told me that he ended up losing his job.” I was shocked, not by what that guy did to me that night, but how Richard stood up to that guy for me. I didn’t know that he did all of that for me and this was part of the reason why I loved him so much.

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Chapter Four Agnes called to tell me that the book signing for my new book would be at Barnes and Noble a couple of weeks later. “Wow, that’s pretty soon, isn’t it?” I told her while doing my nails. “Marley, you don’t know how it’s flying off the book shelves. It is simply amazing and the stores can’t keep them on the shelves. But let me ask, sweetheart, how have you been doing?” I sighed softly, and I couldn’t get anything by Agnes, she was like my second mom, always looking out for me no matter what. “I’ve been going through another thing with Richard, he’s with this new girl now, and it seems like he is really in love with her. I don’t know why I torture myself with all of this Agnes.” “Why don’t you just tell him? You’ve known him for years and you’ve never told him that you really love him.” “I will eventually, Agnes, I just have to get enough courage to do so. Besides, you’re like the third person to tell me to just tell him how I feel. So when is the first book signing?” “It’s tonight at 6:30, I will have a car come and pick you up around 5:45, is that ok?” After I got off the phone with Agnes, I went looking for an outfit for tonight. It was hard because half of what I had, I hadn’t wore in years. This would take a miracle of some sorts to figure this out. I stopped looking after I heard the buzzer go off at the door. “Yeah, who is it?” I shouted. “It’s me, Richard!” I hit the button then unlocked the door as I went back to my closet.

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“Hello, Marley, where are you?” he said, walking in. “I’m back in my room, I have a book signing tonight, and I’m trying to find something to wear.” I walked out with two outfits that I knew would look good on me. I laid them on the couch in front of us and stepped back to look at them. “What do you think?” He looked at them both, took one and put it up against me, then got the other and did the same. “I like this one; I’ve always liked you in this outfit.” “There is going to be a car coming to pick me up at 5:45, do you want to go?” “Would I look fine like this? I was coming over to see if you wanted to go to a movie or something?” “It’s just a book signing, that’s all. It will probably last for an hour or so then we can grab something or whatever.” He smiled and sat down while I went to start my shower. After about an hour and a half, I heard Richard say, “It’s getting close to time, are you ready yet?” I came out of the bedroom, running my fingers through my hair as I went to get my shoes. When I put them on, I turned to look at him and asked, “So, how do I look?” He smiled and took my hand, twirling me around slowly, “Breathtaking, absolutely breathtaking.” He smiled then held me close to him and we found ourselves dancing. “I was wondering what you were going to be doing tomorrow, I wanted to take some pictures of you. I haven’t taken any of you in a long time.” We swayed to our own song, whatever it was really didn’t matter. I was just happy to have him holding me like this but that all ended when we heard a buzz at my door. “Yes?” I asked. “I’m here to pick you up, Ms. Rockford,” said the driver. I opened the door and we made our way down. Barnes and Noble seemed completely packed with people when we got there. When I got out of the car, everyone was shouting and clapping as I walked inside. I never thought I had this

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many fans out there, even Richard was impressed. “Go on, Mar, I’ll be over here behind you. Tonight is your night to shine.” He smiled, tapping me on the end of my nose as I walked over to Agnes who immediately gave me a hug. “Ladies, I would like to introduce to you a brilliant author whose writings seem to stir so much raw emotion and depth. I am also happy to say that not only is she a wonderful writer but a wonderful friend of mine. Ladies and gentlemen, introducing Ms. Marley Rockford!” She smiled as the group of women clapped and shouted in thunderous applause. That night, I must have signed over 300 books and taken more than that in pictures. “I have read every single one of your books, Ms. Rockford, and I’ve enjoyed them immensely. Can I ask you how you come up with such realistic characters?” one lady asked when it came time for the question and answer part. “I try and put part of what I want to read in a story myself. I put characters that are a part of my daily life. Whenever I write, it is something that I wish would happen to me as well as things that I know the reader would enjoy wanting to have in their lives.” I smiled as I pointed towards another woman who was raising her hand. “Some of my friends were wondering, who is the really hot looking guy you came here with tonight?” She giggled as some of the other women swooned and whistled, while looking Richard’s way. I looked over and started to laugh when I saw how red he had gotten so quickly. “Oh, this is my best friend, Richard Collins. He came by my place tonight, wanting to take me to the movies, but I brought him here instead.” “Can I ask Mr. Collins what he thinks about your writings?” asked another lady. Richard walked up to the microphone and said, “I am very proud of Marley and all of her writing accomplishments.” He looked back at me with a wink as the crowd of women applauded. “Wow, how is your hand?” Richard asked while we were in the car going back to my apartment.

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“Let’s just say I won’t be signing any books anytime soon.” I laughed as he softly grabbed my hand and began massaging it. I laid my head against his shoulder as he rubbed my knuckles. “You have had a long and busy evening, young lady. Why don’t we go to the park for a walk?” he asked. We walked through the little park that was near my apartment. It wasn’t big like Central Park, but it was way more private. The iron gas lamps that lit the walkway throughout the park were on and it felt so romantic. We sat on a nearby bench, sharing an Italian ice we bought from a sidewalk vendor. “Remember when we first came to this park when I moved to my apartment, we had an Italian ice but we sat at another bench.” He nodded as he spooned some of the ice. “Remember when we were moving your stuff in and found that big dead sewer rat in the kitchen cabinet?” “Oh my God, that was so gross. I nearly screamed my head off when I saw that damn thing staring back at me with his little legs up in the air.” We had a good laugh that evening. I didn’t want it to end. Why can't I just tell him how I feel? “Well thank you for the ice and for coming to my book signing tonight,” I told him as we made it to my front stoop. “Just come by tomorrow when you wake up or whenever, I’ll be at the studio. And I enjoyed myself, I’m very proud of you, Mar, you’ve come a long way with your writings.” I smiled at him, and for whatever reason, I bent down and kissed his lips without even realizing that I did at first. He smiled when he saw I was blushing so hard. “Never saw you blush so hard before. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Now why in the hell did you go and kiss him like that? This is what I kept asking myself the next day while I made my way to the studio. When I

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got there, the door was locked, which was odd. I knocked on the door for a while and saw him coming down the steps. He smiled and unlocked the door. “Hey, I closed the place down for about an hour so we can take pictures,” he said, putting a sign up. He had his equipment all together and I asked, “What do we do first?” Taking me over to the window, he positioned me how he wanted then got his camera and looked at me through his lens. “Ok, I want you to look like your waiting for someone, like your long lost lover that you haven’t seen in months,” he said, moving back. We took one shot together, facing each other and he ended up telling me this funny joke. I started laughing so hard, that I didn’t realize that pictures were being taken. We clowned around while the bulbs flashed around us; it was fun. Then he grabbed me around my waist and pulled me against him—that’s when the uncomfortable feeling started to set in. “Just turn around and smile for the camera,” he said in my ear. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest it was beating so hard. Feeling his arms around me, holding me close to his body, God the moment was just right, then the phone rang. “Well, that will be it for today. I bet that is Laura calling me again.” He went to get the phone, and I went to drink my now cold tea. I started to gather my things and was about to head out when I heard him say, “Where are you going?” “I’m leaving, you said we were done.” “Hold on a second, please.” He walked back and continued talking on the phone. I looked out the window and saw the hustle and bustle of the city going by. It was an everyday thing for me. I sometimes would lose myself for hours, watching people go by, especially the couples. I wondered what they were thinking, maybe how much in love they were with one another. God, why can’t I find love too? “I wanted you to stay and wait for me to develop your pictures,” he told me as he started

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walking over to the door leading to his dark room. “Be right back.” I went back to the window and continued watching people go by. I found myself slowly going to sleep on the windowsill and before I knew it, I was. I felt something run across my face softly, as if trying to wake me. I slowly opened my eyes and saw Richard sitting in front of me with a smile on his face. “You looked so peaceful sitting there. I had to take a picture of you while I had the chance.” He handed me a picture of me sleeping in the window, I had to admit it was a really pretty picture of me, even though I was out cold. “Taking pictures of me while I am asleep, huh? Wow, you sure are bold, Richie Rich.” He laughed as he sat next to me, and we started looking over the other pictures he took of me. “You know, I want to use this one of you sleeping and this one of me and you in a show I am having tonight. I want you to be there, Marley. I took pictures of all of my friends, actually. I am calling it 'My Circle of Friends' exhibit. A lot of people from all of society are going to be here tonight. I am really psyched about it because this will give me some recognition in the art world.” I always believed in Richard from the day he opened his gallery and he had always done well throughout the years. I was happy to see that it was going to be well worth it tonight. **** When Marie and I got to Richard’s Gallery that night, the place was filled with people. The whole street littered with cars and limos pulling up and letting people out. “Can you believe all of these people coming to see your Richard tonight?” “My Richard?” I had to giggle at her comment as we made our way inside and through the crowd. We looked around and saw Andrew who brought a date, “Hello ladies, this is Janice from work. Janice, this is Marie and Marley.” “No way, you’re Marley Rockford, the writer? I have read every one of your novels. You are

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amazing.” She smiled, shaking my hand. “Why thank you, that has to be the best compliment I’ve gotten all day.” We walked away; blending with the crowd while trying to find Richard. Richard was standing next to the picture he had taken of me on the windowsill and was explaining to the crowd who was standing around him. He looked over at us as we came into view, “And here is my model right now, the lovely, Ms. Marley Rockford.” “Not the writer, Marley Rockford?” said one woman who must have been a reporter. “Yes the one and only Marley Rockford.” Richard beamed with pride as he held me next to him. Soon, I found myself the center of attention along with Richard. “Are you and Ms. Rockford dating?” We looked at each other and had to laugh at the comment, “No, we have been good friends since our college days. I have a girlfriend who is coming through the crowd right now, Laura, come here, sweetie!” he said, holding his arm out to greet her. She wore a very sliming, black, strapless dress and quickly kissed him in front of everyone. I had to shake my head, knowing it was all for show. “Yes, my name is Laura, and I am Richard’s girlfriend, not Ms. Rockford. Have any of the reporters seen my pictures?” I slowly melted into the background and within the crowd of people as I watched Richard and Laura talk with the reporters. “Have you noticed anything different between the pictures?” Marie asked me later that night while we walked through the gallery. “No, what do you mean?” “All the pictures are of his friends by themselves, but a lot of your pictures are with him in it. Not even Laura has one with him in it, only you.” She smiled as I started laughing nervously. I sipped my wine, and I looked over the other pictures. She was right, mine were the only ones with us together.

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“No wonder that reporter asked us if we were a couple. I wasn’t even thinking of that until you mentioned it.” We both went back to the picture of Richard holding me and whispering in my ear. “I was a nervous wreck in that photo. I was shocked that I got through it, but he told me to just smile and I felt so relaxed then. Oh God Marie, what am I going to do?” Putting her head down, she rubbed her forehead and shook it. “You know exactly what to do, Marley, and I think you will know the time to do it. Uh oh, Laura is coming,” she whispered as I turned around to see her coming our way. “Hello, girls, how are you doing tonight?” she asked, showing her perfect dental work. “Doing good, Richard is really going to have a lot of people looking for him to do things after this exhibit.” Marie said with a smile. “Oh yes, I’ve talked with many people who have told me wonderful things about the photos he’s done of me and everyone else,” she said, looking dead at me the entire time. I didn’t like the look she was projecting at me, and I knew I wasn’t going to like what she was going to say next. “Marley, I wanted to talk with you for a minute, if you don’t mind Marie?” “I’ll be over with Andrew,” Marie said, walking away. We walked toward some other pictures and for some reason, my head started to hurt. Something is wrong. “I saw some of the pictures that you and Richard took; he showed them to me before he made them public. I am still trying to figure something out though?” she said as we stopped. “What’s that?” “Why would a fat bitch such as you be interested in someone like my man?” I shot her a look but it didn’t seem to faze her a bit, she kept going, “And then it hit me, you like him…actually, you’re in love with him.” “I care for him like a friend or brother but not like that.” I fed her that lie but she started laughing in my face.

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Jamallah Bergman “Bullshit, give me a fucking break bitch. Do you really think I believe anything that comes

out of your fat mouth regarding my Richard?” I wanted to punch her dead in that pretty little mouth of hers. Just one swift sucker punch would probably make me feel really good. “I’m going to tell you this one more time you stinky ass fleabag. Stay the hell away from my man. I don’t want you anywhere near him alone. He is mine; do you understand that? He doesn’t love you and never will, so why don’t you get your fucking head out of the clouds and stop thinking like those stupid books of yours. This is reality; no man wants to be with a fat bitch like you.” She looked me up and down and smiled at what she accomplished, and as quickly as she said her spiteful words, she wistfully walked away. I don’t think I was ever so mad in my entire life as I was at that moment. My entire body was shaking from head to toe with anger, and I could feel the tears starting to well in my eyes and my throat starting to hurt. Before I knew it, I had flung the glass up against the wall causing it to shatter all over the place, and that’s when people started to walk in and look. “What happened in here?” Richard asked, coming toward me, with Marie and Andrew. “I think I better go Richard. For some reason, some people do not want me here. Good night.” I made my way through the crowd. Before I got outside, Richard was right behind me. “Why are you leaving?” Then he saw my face and he was shocked. “What the hell happened in there, Marley?” I couldn’t stop crying, why was I damn crying so much? God everything hurt so much on my body and I just couldn’t stop crying. “I’m sorry Richard.” That’s all I could say as I ran down the street and into a crowd of people. When I did make it home, I fell on my couch and cried harder than I had ever done before. Damn her hateful words; was all I could think while I was crying. My phone started ringing and

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the caller ID displayed Marie’s number. “Hello,” I said, sounding like a wounded dog. “What the hell happened with you leaving me here?” I continued crying and that’s when her voice seemed a little bit calmer and softer. “Marley, what happened, girlfriend? Tell me, you sound awful. Never mind, Andrew and I are on our way over right now!” She hung up and I put the phone down and continued crying even more. You have to understand something about me, if you hadn’t figured it out already; I have been taunted and ridiculed all my life, for as long as I can remember. During those years of being made fun of and laughed at because of my weight, I had decided to just put things off on the “Proverbial Back Burner.” And for years and years, that burner was getting bigger and bigger, and the insults started to overflow that burner. With Laura’s insults and with the fact that my feelings for Richard progressed even more, I went and let that burner exploded in a burst of emotion that had been building for years. And for some reason, I still couldn’t stop from crying. The buzzer echoed throughout my apartment. I walked up and pushed the button to let Marie and Andrew enter. When I opened the door, I went back to the couch and continued to finish the Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream that I had almost finished. “Oh my God, she’s eating now,” said Andrew as he walked over and sat down next to me, looking over the spread of food that I put down on the coffee table. “Marley, what the hell happened? What did that bitch say to you?” Marie asked, taking off her jacket. “She told me that she wanted me to stay away from her man. Said that I was in love with him, and I wasn’t fooling her at all with how I was acting around her. Oh yeah, she also told me that I needed to get my head out of those books and think in reality because no man would want to get with a fat bitch like me. I couldn’t handle it, Marie, I just couldn’t handle it, and I snapped and started crying.” Andrew gave me a hug as I stuffed my face with popcorn.

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Jamallah Bergman “Sweetheart, if I had known that’s how she really was, damn I didn’t even know?” he said

while rubbing my back. “You eating yourself to death like this not going to help either,” Marie said, taking the popcorn and ice cream from me. “I told Richard that he needed to talk with his lady and ask her what she said to you to make you so upset. He told me that he would. He seemed really upset that you were so upset and left during his moment in the sun.” I groaned as I continued chewing what was in my mouth. “You know, she told me that she is having a party at her apartment tomorrow evening, told me she wanted me to tell Marie about it. She said she was going to tell you about it, but I guess she hasn’t yet, huh?” Andrew asked as I got up to stretch and I looked at him as if he was crazy. “I don’t think so; she hasn’t said a thing to me about it. That was her plan all along anyway, not telling me about her party.” I had known Marie going on five years, and I always knew when she had that look in her eye, the look that she was up to something. “Alright, tomorrow we are going shopping for the party. We are going to make you look so damn good that Richard will wonder what he has been missing all of these years.”

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Chapter Five “How many stores have we been to today?” I asked, sipping my tea. “I think we have been to about ten already. I didn’t like any of the dresses I saw on you,” Marie said. “I swear, you sound more and more like my mom, we can do this all day long, and she never…” That’s when I stopped and realized that I was walking by myself. I looked around and saw Marie staring all bug eyed at this shop window. I walked over and she couldn’t stop looking at the window. So, I looked and my jaw dropped, right there was “the dress.” We both ran inside the boutique and saw the dress in three different colors. “Can she try these dresses on, please?” Marie asked the saleswoman as she quickly picked out three in my size. When I came out in the cream dress, Marie and the saleswoman both looked at me as I looked at myself in the mirrors. “I have always loved this dress; the empire bust line has always been flattering to full figured women. It shows off your best assets plus looks like it holds in your stomach,” she told me as she held my stomach. “So what do you think?” I asked, looking back at Marie. “I think it looks really good on you. I was going to ask you to try on the pink one, but I really do like the cream one. All you need is a pretty necklace, actually, no; you really don’t need one at all.” She smiled as she put her chin on my shoulder. “We’ll take it!” we both said, then started laughing.

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Jamallah Bergman Marie made an appointment with her hairdresser at the salon she went to, for around seven

thirty. “Lucky for us, the salon has a shower so you can take one before you get your hair done, plus you can get ready there. You will love Andre, he works miracles with my hair,” she told me as we walked out of the boutique. “Damn, hold on, that’s my phone.” She pulled it out of her pocket, “Hello? Richard, how are you? Fine, I’m doing just fine. Oh no, I haven’t heard from Marley since last night. She’s probably with Agnes at her office or something. Are you ready for tonight?” She looked at me wide eyed and I couldn’t help but giggle a little bit. “Well I’ll see you at the party. I have to go; Andre is waiting for me at the salon. See you tonight. Bye!” She started laughing as we continued on our way to her place. By the time Marie was ready, and I had come back from picking up some personal things from home, we went to the salon, and that’s when I met Andre. “Marie!” he squealed like a long lost friend. “Welcome, girlfriend, how are you, this must be Marley, oh my God, I can’t believe that I am right in front of Marley Rockford. I have read every one of your books, and I feel so honored right now to do your hair,” he said in such an outrageous accent that I didn’t know where the hell he was from. All I could do was smile as he shook my hand and walked me to his chair. “First things first, we have a shower. I know you want to freshen up before we do all this. Janice, can you show Marley where the shower is please?” I can tell you that I was pampered and well taken care of that afternoon. My hair washed and styled; I had a pedicure and a manicure along with my makeup done. I was going to be the princess of the ball. “So, when are you guys going to hurry it up?” Andrew asked, just arriving at the salon to go with us to the party. “She is almost done; they are doing her makeup right now. Are you somewhere near ready you guys?” Marie shouted back to us. “Alright, you guys, after primping and making miss thing the diva she deserves to be, I want

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to introduce to you, Ms. Marley Rockford,” Andre announced. When I walked out from the back, the look on both Marie and Andrew’s faces was good enough for me to know that I looked good. “Does the dress look ok? Does it show a lot of my breasts?” I asked, looking at myself in the mirror. I had to do a double take. “Oh my God, look at me.” I am gorgeous! “She wanted so badly to see herself in the mirror while we did her hair and makeup, but I never let her peak. I have to admit, she is one of my best works yet,” Andre said. I looked at Marie and I felt myself about to cry. “Well?” I said and she got some tissue to dab my eyes. “You look beautiful, Marley, and everyone will be jealous when we get to that party.” Marie smiled and hugged me. “Well ladies, let’s go.” Andrew said, opening the door for us. Man, I swear, I don’t think I was ever so nervous in my entire life, well maybe that time in the fifth grade when I had to give that speech in front of the entire school. Yeah, I take that back, this ranks up there with the all-time scariest moments of my lifetime. “Damn, your hands are sweaty, Mar, everything will be just fine.” Andrew squeezed my hand. I smiled and took a deeper than deep breath as we slowly went up in a freight elevator. I could hear chatter and music going as we made it to our floor, and when Andrew opened the elevator, a charming guy was there to greet us. “Hello and welcome to the party. Let me take your coats ladies. My name is Colin and the bar is over there,” he said, flashing us his five thousand dollars worth of dental work. When we were walking over to the bar, everyone kept looking at me, making me kind of uncomfortable, but I thought that as soon as I drank something that maybe I would calm down. Well that didn’t last long, when I turned around, I saw Laura and Richard walking into the room with a bunch of friends from outside. Both were smiling and laughing. Laura was talking

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with her friends, and Richard walked over to some other folks. Then he looked my way, and his jaw dropped so far to the ground that I swear it had to go through the floor. “He saw me and he’s coming this way, oh my God,” I said as he came toward us. Each step he took, my heart seemed to jump out of my chest. “Wow, you look, wow, Marley, you look stunning.” He stammered as he kept looking at me. All I could do was smile as I saw Laura come toward us. She took one look at me, and her pretty smile faded fast. “Hello you guys. Hello, Marley, nice dress,” she said in a tone that was as flat as stale beer. “Thanks.” “Is everyone ready to eat, please help yourself. Don’t worry, there is plenty. After everyone is full, Richard has a special announcement to make. Enjoy everyone!” she shouted as everyone made their way to the buffet meal. I had to admit, she put out a pretty good spread, even though she really didn’t cook anything. The whole thing was of course catered. I kept looking for Richard then noticed him watching me; everywhere I went he watched my every move. You got his attention girl; go for it now! I started walking in his direction, and that’s when she stepped in front of me. “You think that just because you’re wearing that dress and all made up that you’re going to get him. You had better think of something or somebody else, Richard is mine. He will always be mine; do you hear me? Stay the fuck away from him or you’ll regret it. Do you really think that he would want to be with someone that looks like you, when he can be with me?” I had to remember that this was her house, her party, and her friends. So, by the time I counted to twenty, I calmed down and walked around her, toward Richard. “Attention everyone, Richard, sweetheart, would you come over here please?” she shouted as he started to make his way over. Laura 1…Marley 1…looks like a tie folks, this could go into sudden death! “Well everyone, as you know Laura is supposed to be going to France for 2 months to do

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some modeling. She asked me if I wanted to go, and I told her I would think about it. I’ve decided to go with her and I’m excited, very excited indeed.” Everyone started clapping and some whistled, but you kind of block all of that out when your heart is slowly breaking. Everything sounded so muffled, and I tried my best to keep a stiff upper lip during the whole thing. I took another deep breath and started clapping as I saw the expression on Laura’s face. ‘I got him now’…that’s what she is saying to me. Marie saw how I was looking and put her hand on my shoulder. We started walking outside toward the terrace as I gulped the champagne. “I am so sorry, Marley.” I didn’t say anything as I looked at the sky. “I’ll be right back.” She walked away, and I tried to keep my emotions from coming out because, even though I looked so pretty on the outside, inside, I felt so low. Marie returned…with Richard by her side. “Richard, Marley wanted to talk with you. I will leave you two alone.” She smiled as she left the terrace and closed the door behind her. “You wanted to talk with me, Marley,” He took my hand and twirled me around as I smiled at him. “And by the way, you look gorgeous.” “Well, I wanted to talk with you about something that has been on my mind for a very long time now and I need to tell you. I don’t know how you’re going to react to what I am going to tell you, but I just want you to know that it’s from the heart. I am so in love with you, Richard. It’s been this way since we first met back in college, all those years I kept my feelings for you to myself, and Andrew and Marie. But I thought if I told you how I felt that I would lose you, and I couldn’t bear losing you. You mean everything to me, Richard.” I watched for some expression to come over his face, he looked so shocked. I could feel his hand squeezing mine as if to tell me, “Go on, I’m listening.”

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Jamallah Bergman “I know that you’re into Laura, and I’m happy for you. At first, I got along with her because

you liked her so much, but now, I can’t stand to be in the same room with her. Tonight, she’s been making snide remarks toward me about my dress and how I am not going to get you and shit. I don’t care if I don’t get you, all I wanted you to know is that I love you so very much, and I’ll always love you, no matter what. It’s been eating me up so badly inside all this time, and with what’s been going on lately, I had to tell you how I felt.” I could feel the tears rolling down my face. “I don’t know what to say, Marley. I didn’t want you to hear how she was rambling on the phone about where I was and all the other crap. I told her that you and I are friends, have always been friends for life. I hate that she acted so badly toward you. I don’t know what to say,” he said, running his fingers through his brown hair. The expression was enough to make me really start crying. He was in shock, complete and utter shock, but then I saw him smile. “Of all the girls I’ve been with, I should have known that I had the best one right here with me all along.” I started laughing as I wiped tears from my eyes. He came up to me and wiped a tear from my cheek that I missed. His eyes sparkled at mine, as he stood closer to me. We were so close on that terrace, God I felt like I was going to melt at that moment. “Richard!” What the hell does this woman have, physic powers or something? “Laura, how are you?” he stammered, moving quickly away from me. “What the hell are you doing with my man?” she shouted, storming her way toward me. Believe me; I was ready for whatever she had to dish out. “We were just out here talking, Laura, that’s all.” “It doesn’t seem like you were, you guys were too close to be just talking. What is really going on, Richard?” “You really want to know what is going on Laura. I told Richard that I was in love with him.

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Yes, in love with him, I’ve always been in love with him, since our school days. I just didn’t know how to tell him how I felt; I had the chance to do it tonight. So that is what we were talking about, Law-rah.” I emphasized her name in a fake southern drawl that even tickled Richard a little, forcing him to try his best not to laugh. “How dare you try to embarrass me in front of all of my friends? Your soul purpose the entire time that me and Richard have been together was to break us up, you fat bitch!” “Laura!” shouted Richard in shock. That’s when she threw her glass of red wine in my face. It stung my eyes as I rubbed it out. I looked down at my dress and saw that big stain of wine going down the front of it, and that’s when I slapped the taste out of her mouth. It was hard because it made several folks from the inside come out to see what was going on. She held her cheek, looked at me in horror, and started to cry, “You fucking bitch, how dare you hit me!” she shouted, still holding her cheek. “You’re the bitch, and don’t worry, you’ll be getting my cleaning bill for ruining my dress. I am out of here!” I went inside to clean myself off. Marie handed me some napkins as I went to get my coat. Marie and Andrew had gotten their coats and walked out with me. I looked at Richard; he was so in shock at all that happened. I mean, who wouldn’t be blown away by this turn of events. First, he has an awesome night at his gallery, then tells everyone that he’s going to France with his girlfriend, and now, his best friend tells him how she feels about him and slaps the hell out of his girlfriend. Yeah, I am surprised he didn’t die right there. When I got home, I took off my clothes and took a shower. When I came out of the shower, the phone rang. I didn’t even bother answering it. I was still in a mood from hell. “Marley, it’s me, Richard. Listen, I wanted to talk with you, and I know your there right now, so please answer the phone.” I looked at the phone again, still not bothering to answer it.

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Jamallah Bergman **** Except for hearing from my mom, Agnes, or Marie, I didn’t answer the phone or respond to

any of Richard’s numerous calls. The rest of my week consisted of keeping busy with book signings around the city. I kept my mind occupied with other events, other than the “coming out” party that happened. I decided the best thing for me would be to get away from the city, to go out to the country with my parents. “I will call you when I get there Marie, and please, don’t tell Richard where I am going, ok?” I hung up the phone after I heard my seat number called. Getting my purse and bag, I made my way down the tunnel to my plane. It wouldn’t be long before I was on my way back home. My dad was there to greet me once I got off the plane. I hadn’t told him or my mom about why I came back home, only that I needed a break from the city and some time back home would do me good. “Here is my baby girl!” he smiled as I walked into his open arms and gave him a hug. We got my bag and soon we were on our way home. “Your momma has been cooking all of your favorite things, and your grandma can’t wait to see you either,” he told me as I sat in silence. “Is there anything wrong baby?” he asked, putting his hand on mine. I looked at him, smiled, and shook my head no, “Just tired poppa, just glad to be home again.” When I got home, my mom was waiting on the porch. My momma was a wonderful lady, always doing something for those who needed help. “There’s my baby, come here!” she squealed as she hugged me. I didn’t say much but smiled as we walked inside the house. It was good to be home after all this time, and it was good to see my grandma too. “Grandma, oh it’s good to see you sweetheart.” I shouted as I walked up to her sitting in her

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favorite chair. She smiled and opened up her arms for me to hug her. Grandma Rosa was probably my favorite person besides my parents. She was the only other person who knew my personal secrets and thoughts. I could tell her anything without her telling others. Our bond was our loyalty for each other. “How’s my little momma doing?” She always called me little momma, even though throughout my life I had been a big girl. “I’m doing fine grandma, how about you?” “Besides my arthritis, I am doing just fine. How’s New York and how’s Richard doing?” “Yeah, how is Richard doing?” asked my dad. I looked at them and flatly said, “He’s fine, I guess.” The look that my parents and grandma projected showed that I must have sent a shock to their system. “Sweetheart, are you ok?” momma asked. “Yeah, I’m fine; just hungry and tired. I’ll go and put my things up in my room and I’ll be down for dinner.” I got my bags and started to walk upstairs. I really didn’t want to think about Richard while I was here, but that would be as hard as a fish trying to breathe out of water. When I came back down for dinner, the food was already out and my stomach was growling like crazy, as I sat down at the table. “Can you pass the potato salad please, dad?” I asked while munching on some ham. Passing the bowl, I scooped out two big spoonfuls onto my plate and started to scarf it down. “Sweetheart, don’t do that to your food, eating it like a hungry dog.” Grandma told me. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to eat like that.” The phone rang and my mom went to get it, “Hello? Yes, hold on a second please, it’s Richard.” I shook my hands and head ‘no’ as her smile disappeared. “I’m sorry, Richard dear, she isn’t available. Alright then, goodbye my dear and take care.” I continued to eat as if nothing happened, but everyone else stopped and kept their eyes locked on me.

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Jamallah Bergman “Marley Stacy Rockford, can you please tell us what is going on? Richard just called, and

you didn’t even answer his call. That’s not like you at all.” “You guys, right now is just not a good time for me to talk about what is going on between me and Richard. And if he does call back again, tell him that I don’t want to talk with him at all.” I got up with my plate, piled on some more ham, took my tea, and walked outside on the porch. When I got out of the shower after dinner, my mom was sitting on my bed looking at me. “Now, will you tell me what is going on with Richard?” I went to the door and slowly closed it as I continued patting my face with the towel. “I told Richard that I loved him.” She sported the biggest smile that I had ever seen in my life. My mom has always had a thing for Richard, and no matter what, she always wanted Richard and me together. “And what did he say?” she smiled as I went to my dresser and got a gown. “He smiled and he told me that he wished that he had known. Said that of all the girls he had been with, he should have known that he had the best one of them all in front of him all along. Then it looked like we were about to kiss but…” “But what my dear, what happened then?” “His God damn girlfriend came in, I told her what was going on, and she threw some red wine all over my dress and called me names.” I started braiding my hair. “That bitch!” “Exactly, that’s why it felt good to slap the taste out of her skinny mouth in front of all her high fashion friends. After all that, I left and I have been avoiding Richard since.” “Well, there is one question that I have to ask you then?” she said, standing. “Yeah, what is that momma?” “Why are you running away from him? You have no reason to be here at this house. You finally got the man of your dreams and like an idiot, you up and run away.” She was right; I was an idiot for leaving like I did. Hell, I was a schmuck for leaving Richard and avoiding his phone calls as I did. I gave my momma a hug, and she held me close as

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I started crying in her arms. When I got up early the next day, my grandma was up drinking her morning coffee and eating her toast. “Hey grandma, I see you’re up early.” I smiled, pouring me a cup. “Yeah baby, I am, you know I’m always up at six,” she said to me as I gave her a kiss on top of her silver hair and sat down next to her at the table. “Sweetheart, I want to tell you a story about when I fell in love with a boy who lived in the town I grew up in. Oh, he was such a sweetheart to me, Jason Milton was his name, and he was so handsome too. Sometimes, he’d leave me candy on my windowsill, or he’d swing me on the swings. We had loads of fun being around each other like we were. But I never did tell him how I really felt about him until it was too late. He moved up North to live with some relatives of his when we were teenagers. Oh baby, my heart broke that day, and I never was able to get over it afterward,” she solemnly said as she sipped her coffee. “You never tried to get in touch with him or anything like that, Grandma? I mean, there are ways to find people, you know.” I assured her as she smiled at me. “Back then, we didn’t have the means we do now. His entire family up and left right after he did. Come to find out, the Klan was after them for something that I still don’t know to this day. I did try to get in touch with him but come to find out he passed on about 10 years ago. That hit me most of all, because I could have told him how I felt but I never did.” I could tell that it hit her hard. I saw the tears welling in her eyes, so I held her hand and she put hers over mine for reassurance. “Plus your momma told me about what you said to Richard,” she said as I rolled my eyes and put my head down on the kitchen table. “I hoped she hadn’t told you.” “Well she did out of concern for you, baby, I just don’t understand why you are here. You need to be there, getting things resolved.” We sat in silence for the longest time, drinking, and then my mom came into the kitchen and got herself a cup. “Richard called three more times last night while you were sleeping.”

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Jamallah Bergman I looked at my Grandma who was looking at me with a smile, and I smiled back. “Why

don’t you call him back, baby? It seems like he’s worried about you.” “I told him that you would be on your way back home this evening,” Mom said as my dad came in the living room with my suitcase in tow. “You really planned all this out, didn’t you momma?” I said shaking my head. “Go on upstairs and put on the outfit I laid out for you to wear, and your dad is going to take you back to the airport. I can’t stand being in the way of true love.” When I did get back to New York, and finally made it back home, my voicemail was full of messages from Richard. I sat and listened to every last one of them, “Marley, please answer the phone. I am so sorry about what Laura said to you at the party. Please answer the phone!” That’s how most of the messages went, asking me to answer the phone, to call him back right away, that he was sorry for what Laura said and did to me. “I see you made it back home, what happened?” Marie asked once I did settle in at home. “My mom found out and sent me right back here to get things squared away with Richard. How is he, by the way?” “We went out last night, and he asked me if I heard anything from you at all. I told him that you went away for a while. That’s when he picked up his phone, and he called your parents. But when they said that you weren’t around, he said goodbye and the look on his face, Marley. I don’t think I have ever seen Richard look so down before, like he lost his best friend,” she told me as I breathed a heavy sigh of sadness. “You need to call him and let him know you are back.” “I’ll talk with you later.” Pressing the button, I hesitated for a while before deciding to press the speed dial to his number at the gallery, but eventually I did. “This is Richard Collins Gallery, this is Richard speaking,” he said richly over the receiver. “Hi, Richie Rich, this is Marley Mar,” I said quietly. “Marley, I’ve been worried sick about you. How have you been doing?” I could literally hear the concern on his voice, and in a way, it made me feel good that he cared so much.

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“Been keeping busy; Thinking things over in my head as well.” “I hope that you didn’t forget about what you said to me, because I sure as hell haven’t forgotten anything you told me out on that terrace, Marley.” I had to sit down when he said that, I really and truly had hoped that maybe he forgot. I really wished that the event had never ever happened. “So you just made it back home, huh?” “Yeah, my mom sent me right back after she heard what happened that night, told me I needed to solve it and get it over with.” He started to laugh and so did I, but then, we stopped and I heard him say, “What are you doing tonight, Marley? Why don’t we go out and we can talk some place quiet, just you and me.” “I don’t know; I really don’t feel like it right now, Rich. The only reason why I called in the first place was that Marie told me to. She said you were concerned, I still need some time.” It got quiet on his end and I could hear him sigh then he softly said, “Don’t push me away, Marley. I’m coming over there, so you better buzz me up, ok?” Then he hung up before I could say anything. I shook my head and put the phone back in the cradle as I sat down on the couch. He wasn’t coming here, he was only bluffing. I heard a loud buzzing that woke me from my nap, and I stumbled toward my intercom. “What is it?” “I told you I was coming over, Marley, now let me on in!” “You can buzz all you want, Richard. I will not let you up here to talk, please go away!” I shouted as I walked back to my couch. That stubborn man kept right on buzzing away, and that annoying ass buzzing sound kept ringing in my ear for what seemed like eternity, but only lasted for about fifteen minutes. I had the pillow over my head to try to drown the noise because it was killing me. However, even that pillow didn’t help my ears. When I started to take that pillow off my ear, at last, I heard nothing. No more buzzing from

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that buzzer, complete silence is all I heard. That’s when I heard a lot of honking outside and when I went to the window, I saw him standing in the middle of the street. In his hand, he had a blow horn, and on his face, he had that marvelous smile of his, I couldn’t help but watch and see what he was going to do next. “I would like to make a formal plea to the lady in room 317, her name is Marley Rockford and she is the one who was always my study buddy in college when we first met our freshman year. She has been there for me through thick and thin, always a shoulder to cry on, she is my friend, my confidant, and I hope that just maybe she will listen to what I have to say!” I opened the window as the cool breeze blew out all the stuffiness of the apartment. People just walking by and folks from the inside other buildings were looking at him on the street. I sat there and watched him as some lady was telling him, “Will you shut the hell up, and I’m missing Sex and the City!” “Marley, I wanted to tell you that I was sorry about not realizing how much I meant to you. I want to say I’m sorry that I just didn’t realize a lot of things throughout the years when we were together. You see…a couple of days ago, this lovely woman, my best friend in the world, told me that she loved me with all of her heart. I admit, I was completely shocked because at the time, I had a girlfriend, and worst of all, I didn’t know how to react. But when I got home that night, I sat up for a long time, and I thought back, thought about all of those times we spent together in school, those study dates we had. Remember that night, Marley, when we played truth or dare?” Oh my God, he remembers truth or dare! “Remember the night in the closet when I was dared to either kiss you or drink that nasty crap with the cigarette butts?” I had to laugh as I heard a lot of folks whistling and whooping it up in the streets. “I remember that kiss, Marley. I remember how your lips felt; they were probably the softest I have ever kissed. Marley, I knew at that moment, our relationship was different from other relationships. You and I were one on every level, but I was blind to realize that the perfect woman I had been looking for was sitting right next to me in class. She was joking with me

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about some of the craziest shit that anyone could think of. She was making the best grits for someone that didn’t think he liked grits. She was you, Marley, and I was the biggest idiot of all time not to realize what I had in front of me. After that night at Laura’s, she went off on me, and we ended up having a really big argument about you. She called you every name in the book, and I defended you to the end. I told her that it was over between me and her!” My heart felt as though it would jump right out of my chest. I couldn’t believe it; he had broken up with her. “So everyone that has gathered around me and for those who are hanging out of the building, and especially to you, Marley, I want to let you know that I have found the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with, the one who makes me feel whole and complete. Marley, I want to spend it with you!” He took the blow horn away from his mouth and produced the most beautiful smile that I had ever seen. “Go on girl, don’t you hear him asking to be with you, you better get with it!” shouted one lady from the street, who had a bunch of friends with her, shouting and whistling. “She better answer quickly because thanks to her, I missed Sex and the City!” “To hell with Sex and the City, this is way better!” I looked down at the growing crowd, and I couldn’t see straight for the tears in my eyes. Everyone was cheering, shouting, and whistling as I wiped my eyes. Talk about being embarrassed by the moment. “So what do you say?” Richard asked. “I would say you’re mental for doing this, but that’s what makes me love you even more!” I giggled, wiping the tears from my face. Getting up, I walked to the mirror and looked at myself. Shit, my face looks horrible. Oh well, I got my key and went downstairs. When I got outside, the noise was deafening as folks from every walk of life were cheering, clapping, and whistling from everywhere. Damn where the hell did all these people come from anyway? I looked over and I saw him come my way, that smile on his face was enough for me as I ran up and hugged him.

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Jamallah Bergman It felt like heaven in his arms, and this time, I wasn’t scared at all because he was mine and I

was his. He looked at me and smiled, holding my head in his hands. He didn’t do anything but look at me with those steely gray-green eyes of his. God, those eyes of his! That’s when he kissed me. Oh my God, I had died in his arms as he kissed me. Everyone kept clapping as we continued kissing in front of my building. I couldn’t hear the clapping or the honking of the car horns or the cheering from people that I didn’t even know. All that mattered was that I had the man I loved and was able to keep my best friend too.

*The End*

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About The Author Born in Jamaica Queens New York, Jamallah Bergman eventually moved around from New York to Alabama and eventually settling down in Georgia with her family and spending part of her childhood in Roswell Georgia. Jamallah started to first write when she was just 12, writing scripts for her dolls and as she got older her stories grew along with her. She eventually read her first romance novel when she was 15 and became hooked and started to write about romance. It wasn't until she got older when she started to write about erotica as well. Jamallah had started to notice that whenever she would read the stories that she loved, she never could understand why the heroines in the stories were nothing like herself. None of the women were full figured or plump or what she would sometimes think of herself (to coin the phrase from Mo'Nique) a "Thick Madame". It would often upset her that she could never find a story where the main character was a full figured woman who finds love with a handsome man. Soon Jamallah started to write stories where the full figured woman ALWAYS got her man! Jamallah Bergman's main goal in her writing is to appeal to the woman who despite what society might think of her and even though she might have some sort of self-doubt about herself, deep down she is strong woman who can do just about anything she sets her mind to. Jamallah Bergman still resides in Georgia and lives in Atlanta with her teenage daughter Jamira Anna Marie, who gets her artistic side from her mother by drawing and making movies.

http://jamallahbergmansstoriesoflove.weebly.com/index.html

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Secret Cravings Publishing www.secretcravingspublishing.com