Their true colors are hidden…until one woman turns everything upside down. Speed, Book 2 Seth Pace, guitarist of the rock band Speed, is a born dreamer, and nothing stands in his way of making those dreams a reality. Except when it comes to band manager Luke Struthers. He’s everything Seth wants in a partner, but even after five years of perfectly explosive sex, Luke refuses to commit. After a childhood ravaged by abuse, Luke knows he’s a potential danger to anyone foolish enough to love him. Seth is safer without him, but Luke has no idea how to cut him loose painlessly. Until he spots Seth’s kind of woman— pretty, smart, friendly. The plan: seduce her into a sexy threesome, then leave the two alone to fall in love. Problem solved. A night of excitement with the two hottest men on the planet? Yeah, baby! Yet Kaz’s inborn ability to read auras tells her something isn’t right. It’s obvious Seth and Luke are madly in love, but subtle clues in Luke’s aura signal he’s up to something. She’s not sure what, but if she doesn’t do something quick, the two men she’s quickly come to adore will wind up without the happily ever after they both deserve. Warning: One man + one man + one woman = a whole lot of steamy twoway and three-way M/M & M/M/F sex, a hero or two to drool over, and a heroine who recognizes true love when she sees it.
eBooks are not transferable. They cannot be sold, shared or given away as it is an infringement on the copyright of this work. This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and incidents are products of the writer’s imagination or have been used fictitiously and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, locale or organizations is entirely coincidental. Samhain Publishing, Ltd. 11821 Mason Montgomery Road Suite 4B Cincinnati OH 45249 Colors of Love Copyright © 2012 by Jess Dee ISBN: 978-1-60928-930-0 Edited by Jennifer Miller Cover by Kendra Egert All Rights Are Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. First Samhain Publishing, Ltd. electronic publication: July 2012 www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love Jess Dee
Dedication
With thanks to Fedora, Dawn and Kitty Kelly, for your thoughts and opinions when I needed them most. And as ever, my special thanks to Jennifer for your tireless ability to read and reread this book and make it better every time. Without a doubt, you’ve added a whole rainbow of color to the story.
Chapter One
To have it all you’ll need to wait Until the day that seals your fate While dreaming big may be your trait Others may not share your faith. When all is different then you’ll see Just how strong your hearts can be Though his love appears empty She’ll change it all with colors plenty. -Edna Pace’s Song for Seth “One more day,” Kaz Flaherty said into the phone. “Just one more, and then we finally get to see Speed live in concert!” “I can’t wait. I swear I’ve been marking off the days on my calendar.” Her friend, Tasha, laughed in delight. “And I caved in this morning. I downloaded three more of their songs. Honestly, Kaz, I can’t stop. I can’t get enough of their music.” “Me neither. And, uh, you’re not the only one who caved. I bought ‘Thunder ’n Rain’ yesterday.” “How brilliant is that song?” “Unbelievably brilliant.” “Their best to date. For sure.” Tasha chuckled again. “Listen to us. We’re like a couple of teenage girls, mooning over famous rock stars.” “I feel like a teenager. My stomach’s full of butterflies at the very thought of seeing Jordan Speed live.”
Colors of Love
It took Tasha a few seconds before she responded, and when she did her voice had taken on a more serious tone. “You sure it’s Jordan Speed making your stomach flutter?” “Well, I’ll tell you something, Jamie Speed has never rocked my boat, and neither has Jonah. Although I’d kill for a hug from the guy. You get a look at those shoulders of his?” “Kaz?” “Yep?” “You’re changing the subject.” “You’re right. I should just focus on Jordan. Even though he’s a good few years younger than me, he’s the real reason I’m going to the concert—” “Kaz!” Kaz grinned. “Okay, so I’m changing the subject.” “Are you standing by your window?” “Yep.” She had been ever since arriving home about thirty minutes ago. “The trees still talking to you?” Kaz snorted. “You know, if anyone could hear that question they’d think I was mad. They’d think you were mad too, for asking. Trees don’t talk.” “You’re avoiding the answer,” Tasha chastised. Kaz stared at the branches swaying gracefully in the breeze, their leaves rippling together in a slow celebration of nature. “Yeah, the trees are still talking to me.” Even as she watched, they silently conveyed their message, sending pulses of color her way. Rich vibrations of carmine red. She’d chosen to live here because of the forest bordering the property. The second she’d seen the house, she’d known it was perfect for her. Trees had always helped her feel connected to the earth, always given her a sense of balance in life. She found their green and yellow auras as comforting as others
www.samhainpublishing.com
7
Jess Dee
might find a hug from a mother. Here at home, with the trees her constant companions, she felt utterly at peace with herself and her life. For the last few days, however, the golden glows of the flora had been eclipsed by the red hues. Not threatening hues, not even worrying. Just different from what she was used to. “You figured out what they’re trying to say?” Tasha asked. “Nope. And I’ve stopped trying. I’ve just accepted the inevitable.” “And that is?” “Change is coming, Tash.” “Coming?” Tasha gave a half laugh. “You mean the last month of your life hasn’t seen enough change already?” Kaz shook her head, even though Tasha couldn’t see her. “That change has already happened.” She’d called off a three-year-long relationship that just hadn’t been working for her and quit a job she’d hated. “This one hasn’t occurred yet.” “So there’s more upheaval on your horizon?” “There’s upheaval on the horizon, all right,” Kaz answered. “I’m just not sure it’s my horizon that’s going to be affected.”
Seth Pace’s stomach curled in a delicious knot of anticipation. He settled back into the couch, stretched out his legs and crossed his feet, making himself comfortable. Watching Luke Struthers in action turned him on in ways a man should not get turned on while sitting in a room full of people. But he couldn’t help it. When Luke went into professional mode, he commanded an audience. Made people want to listen, want to do whatever he said. The man just had a way about him, and that way was a powerful aphrodisiac to Seth.
8
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Wasn’t any wonder he’d taken one look at Luke all those years ago and known he was the one. Now it was just a matter of getting Luke to accept the inevitable. For a while now Luke had been pretty accepting of part of it. The part that involved long nights and sweaty bodies. What he hadn’t come to terms with was the forever kind of scenario Seth had long dreamed about. Never mind, that would all change. Soon. Because Seth was tired of waiting. It was time to show Luke that when Seth dreamed, he dreamed big. And nothing, not even a lifetime of Luke believing he’d never settle down, would interfere with Seth’s dreams now. It might take a while to convince him, but one thing Seth had was time. And he intended to use it to the best of his abilities.
Luke needed to look away. Needed to drag his gaze from the couch and stare anywhere but at that face. Easier said than done. That face trapped his attention and reeled him in. Held him transfixed—almost to the exclusion of everyone else in the room. He was stronger than this. He could ignore the attraction that crackled between them, ignore the electricity that snapped across the room, shocking everything in its path. Yeah, right. He never had been able to ignore anything about Seth Pace, and that was the start, middle and end to every single one of his current problems. Perhaps it was the eyes that held his focus. The slumberous, sexy appeal of them. While Seth appeared to be half asleep, Luke couldn’t miss the way Seth looked up at him with eyelids at half-mast, those baby blues of his just peeking out from beneath a wealth of thick lashes, the invitation in them clear as day.
www.samhainpublishing.com
9
Jess Dee
Or perhaps it was the fact that for the last five years, since Seth had turned eighteen, Luke had found himself unable to keep his hands off him. The kid had become something of a habit for Luke. More like an addiction, really. But Luke had to kick the habit, break the addiction—for Seth’s sake. Or more specifically, for Seth’s safety. Luke forced his thoughts back to the other people strewn across the hotel suite. Lingering jetlag, coupled with an intense five-hour practice session, had left most of the members of Speed bleary eyed. The internationally acclaimed rock sensations were exhausted. Luke grinned, knowing the information he was about to hand them would deliver a good boost of adrenaline. “And in headline news back in the good old US of A…Nielsen data has rated ‘Thunder ’n Rain’ the most played song in America—again. It’s just spent a third week at number one of the Billboard Top 100.” Wild hooting and high-fives followed Luke’s announcement. Seth’s sleepy smile turned into a full-blown grin. The song was Seth’s baby, from start to finish. Not only had he worked on the lyrics, but he’d written the music for it too—a job he usually left to his brother, Zachary. Seth’s grin was directed at Luke, and Luke couldn’t help but grin straight back. Couldn’t help but look deep into those baby blues as they silently celebrated together. This was a victory Seth would be incredibly proud of. The intimate look went on just a second too long, making the breath hitch in Luke’s chest. His balls tightened and blood rushed to his cock. It happened every damn time he looked at the kid. Nuh-uh. Not this time. This time he was backing off, moving away. This time he was finally going to do what he’d sworn he’d do at least the last fifteen or
10
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
twenty times he and Seth had gotten naked: end things between them. Push Seth away. Luke deliberately checked his watch. “On that final note, meeting is over. It’s midnight. Which means it’s bedtime, people. Go, get some sleep. We’ve got a big day ahead of us. Huge. First live concert in over a year, and I want you rested and ready for it. You’re gonna bring the house down on Sydney tomorrow.” Luke needed to run through their schedule one last time. He needed to ensure the brothers knew where they needed to be and when, and what interviews he’d scheduled for them. But all that could wait. He’d deliberately left the good news for last, knowing it would motivate the band to give their all tomorrow night. “Morning and lunch are yours, but I want you in this here hotel suite at three thirty sharp. Don’t be late. Now, go.” Nathan Pace, otherwise known as Jamie Speed, the band’s lead singer and the oldest of the three Pace brothers, was out the door before he’d finished saying goodnight. Not surprisingly, he was the only one who seemed to have even a modicum of energy left. He’d been walking on air ever since meeting his dream girl two days ago. Tim, the bass guitarist, stumbled to his feet and pulled Bill, the synthesizer whiz kid into a barely conscious standing position. “Later,” Tim said, and Bill lifted his hand in a halfhearted attempt at a wave. Arnie, the saxophonist, trudged after them. They were tired, but they left smiling broadly. Every one of them. Zachary, the middle Pace brother and Speed’s drummer, Jonah Speed, drained his beer, tossed it in the trash and slapped Luke affectionately on the shoulder. “You’re the man, Struthers. You know we could never hit number one without you?”
www.samhainpublishing.com
11
Jess Dee
Luke grinned at his best buddy since their first year in college. “See you in the morning.” Luke had always thought him the most musically gifted of the three brothers, although Zachary would deny that sentiment with his dying breath. He could play any instrument you put in his hand, even one he’d never seen before. Earlier on today he’d blown a haunting rendition of “Loving Eyes” out from a didgeridoo. Until five minutes before that, he’d never picked up a damn didgeridoo. Delilah and Devine, the two back-up singers, left with a nod and a sashay of their hips. They may be tired, but the news had given them the va-voom to strut their stuff. The room emptied, leaving Luke looking at the one place he didn’t want to look, at the one face he couldn’t help staring at. He swallowed a sigh and pursed his lips, mentally bracing himself. “You planning on sleeping on the couch tonight?” Damn, he hoped not. The ways that would test his self-restraint… The youngest Pace brother, known to the general public as genius guitarist and lyricist, Jordan Speed, looked at him, his sleepy blue gaze still sending out its silent invitation. “Only if you share it with me.” Ah, hell. Turning Seth away was not going to be easy. “Seth, it’s late. The night before a concert. The first concert of a world tour. You don’t need me, you need sleep.” “I always need you, Luke. It’s time you realized that.” Damn idealist, so busy dreaming the impossible he had no idea that most of what he dreamed wasn’t realistic. “Correction. You always need sex, not me. Now go to bed.” “I like sex. Often. You I need. Always.” “Seth—”
12
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Seth smiled. That sexy, drowsy smile that made Luke think of big beds and rumpled sheets. “Relax, big guy. I just wanna talk about something.” “You just wanna talk?” Yeah, right. He knew Seth too well to believe that one. Seth nodded. “I was hoping to run something by you.” Luke raised an eyebrow. “At midnight?” Not a good idea at all. The only thing Seth liked to run by Luke at midnight was his cock, and Luke needed to stop that practice if he had any hope of keeping Seth at arm’s length. Seth shrugged. “It’s morning back in New York. My body hasn’t adjusted to Sydney time yet.” Hard to argue with that one. Luke was also suffering the effects of the time change. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked back to lean against the wall, deliberately increasing the distance between them. Standing too close to Seth made Luke want to do things to him he had no right doing. He’d never had a right to do them, but he’d never had the willpower to resist. Hah, as if the three steps made any difference. Seth’s presence alone was enough to get a fire burning in all the right places. “Okay, shoot. What’s on your mind?” Seth sat up, pulling his feet in close to the couch. Then he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees and his chin on his hands. “I’ve been working on a song, trying to find the right lyrics, but they’re just not there. I need your help accessing them.” Damn. This could only spell trouble for Luke. He and Seth had worked on songs together. Often. And every time, the work had ended with Luke buried ballsdeep inside Seth’s ass.
www.samhainpublishing.com
13
Jess Dee
Luke shook his head. “You know I’m useless with words.” He couldn’t put a sentence together in any kind of lyrical or poetic way. Luke’s skills lay in understanding business and marketing, not in creativity and idealism, like Seth’s did. “You know that’s never bothered me. Once I find the words, there’s no problem writing them. It’s finding them that I need your help with. Thrashing out ideas.” Seth came to him often when he needed help with lyrics. When the words weren’t flowing like they usually did. And every time he came, they’d brainstorm ideas together and find a way past the block. Seth liked to talk out his concerns. Focus on the parts that weren’t working and get Luke’s advice and thoughts. Sometimes he just liked to discuss a concept in general. Maybe an idea for the song that he couldn’t see from every angle. What blew Luke away was that when he finally got to hear the end product, there was always a verse featuring his viewpoint. Paraphrased by Seth, of course, so the sentiments came out sounding melodic and profound in a way Luke would never be able to voice them, but they’d be his sentiments nevertheless. “You know what you need to do?” Luke asked, looking for a solution to Seth’s problem that did not involve himself. “Head on down to the bar, order a drink and find some of those paper napkins you’re so fond of. Remember ‘Sky’s the Limit’?” Seth had jotted down the first two verses of that song while he and Luke had sat around a table in a bar with the other two Pace brothers. He’d written them on red paper napkins. The next day he’d handed the napkins—with the completed song scrawled on them—to Zachary and told him to go compose the music. “A beer and a dim room. That’s all you need. The words will flow.”
14
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Seth’s chuckle echoed through the room. “You think that’s what gets my creative juices flowing? A drink and a bar?” “The song was a chart topper from day one.” “It was. So give yourself a pat on the back. You were the motivation behind the lyrics.” Luke frowned. “You don’t remember the topic of conversation when I wrote those words?” He shook his head. “You were telling me, Nath and Zachary that we could go anywhere with Speed. Either take it all the way to the top internationally, or keep it focused on American soil. Your exact words were, ‘The sky’s the limit with this venture, and if anyone can reach those limits and push beyond them, it’s us.’” Luke stared at Seth, dumbfounded. He had no recollection of ever saying that. It was usually Seth who put the big, vague dream on the table, not Luke. “You’re always the inspiration for my songs. Don’t you know that by now?” “Aw, kid, hell.” Luke scratched the back of his neck. “Jesus, don’t say things like that.” “Why not? It’s the truth.” “Because…” Luke let his words trail off. He’d been about to say because it makes it harder for me to break things off with you. That would be a damned dumb thing to say now. At the start of a world tour. He needed the band members motivated. Not upset. Or pissed off. “…Because it makes you underestimate the power of your own abilities. You’re a brilliant lyricist, regardless of your motivations.” Seth grimaced, looking frustrated. “Then help me be brilliant now. Help me find the words again. This writer’s block is killing me.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
15
Jess Dee
Luke shook his head, disgusted by his lack of willpower. Why did he even bother trying to refuse Seth anything? In the end he always gave in. “Okay. Hit me with the song. We can iron out the creases together.” Seth’s face lit up. “You mean it?” “You gonna leave without working on the lyrics?” “Hell, no.” “Then I don’t really have a choice, now do I?” Seth’s lips curved into a smile of delight. Christ, he looked like a damn kid in a candy store. But then Seth always reminded him of that kid. He was always seeing the delicious possibilities in any given scenario. “Tell me what you’ve got so far.” Seth frowned. “Er, not very much.” “That’s okay. Let me broaden the question a bit. Tell me about the theme of the song. Or the title.” “It’s complicated,” Seth warned. Luke stood quietly, waiting for Seth to gather his thoughts. “And personal.” No surprise there. Most of Seth’s songs were personal, relating to an event in his life, or a person. Or a mood. “Now, forever and always,” Seth said eventually. Luke raised an eyebrow. “The title?” “The opening line.” “Go on.” “See, there’s the problem. I can’t. That’s all I’ve got.” Luke snorted. “Not very much, is it?” Seth stared at him drolly. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”
16
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Luke bit back his laughter. Seth didn’t need that now, he needed direction. “Okay, so how long have you been playing around with it?” “A few months now. Maybe longer.” He nodded. “Definitely longer.” “And what’s it about?” “You.” Whoa. “Pardon?” “The song’s about you.” Keep it simple. Keep impersonal. “You’re writing about a band manager?” “No. I’m writing about you in my life. Now, forever and always.” Oh, fuck. “Because that’s my dream, Lucas. You in my life. Now, forever and always.” Impersonal, Struthers! Make sure you remain aloof. “No problem there. As long as Speed exists, I’ll be in your life.” Heck, as long as the Pace family existed, Luke would be in his life. He loved that family like his own. Correction, he loved that family better than he’d ever loved his own. Seth shook his head. He eyed Luke intensely, not letting Luke drop his gaze for even a second. And in Seth’s expression he saw every bit of the adulation and adoration the kid had always held for him. Damn kid. What did he know? Turning Luke into something he wasn’t. Into something he could never be—no matter how much he might want to be that something for Seth. “This song has got nothing to do with Speed. It’s about us, Lucas. About where we’re going from here.” Shit. So much for keeping it impersonal. “Maybe that’s why you’re blocked. I’ve told you a thousand times—we’re not going anywhere.” Every time he’d told Seth, Seth had simply disregarded his words, treating them as if they meant nothing. “This, what we have, that’s it.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
17
Jess Dee
“Yeah, you know, I thought about that. Thought about the number of times you’d said as much, and how every time you said it, you made it sound like the gospel truth.” Luke raised an eyebrow. That was more than Seth had ever acknowledged about Luke’s attempts to disillusion him. “I even tried to write your sentiments into the first verse.” “You did?” Seth nodded and began to hum a tune Luke had never heard before. His fingers curled into position around an imaginary guitar, and he plucked out silent chords. Before Luke knew it, Seth was singing. “Now, forever and always, we’re going nowhere. “Quit dreaming, ’cause we’re already there. “This is it, this will be all. “If you think there’s more, you’re the fool.” The words trailed off, leaving only silence. Seth dropped his hands into his lap. Luke stared at him, unsure what to say. Seth shrugged. “It didn’t work. Still doesn’t. I need a different follow-on after the first four words.” Luke began to sweat. In the darkest hours of the night, when he lay awake with nothing but his thoughts for company, he’d admit the truth to himself. Then, and only then, when there was no one around to witness his deepest desires, he’d admit that if life had been different and if his legacy had been inherited from anyone other
18
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
than his father, he and Seth could have had everything together. Could have gone anywhere together. Now, forever and always. But now was not one of those private times. Now Seth was here, and Luke’s deepest wishes had to remain buried. For Seth’s sake. Now, as much as Seth wanted to change the lyrics, change the direction of the song, he couldn’t. Luke couldn’t let him. “Actually, kid, I think the song has incredible potential.” Luke did think that. He wasn’t bullshitting Seth. He just knew Seth didn’t agree. “The tune’s good. It’s simple, catchy.” Zachary would improve on it. “And the start, well, it sets a tone. Tells me this isn’t going to be just another ballad or just another song of hope and love. And that will make it stand out from every other song out there.” Seth remained expressionless. He didn’t laugh, didn’t smile, didn’t frown and didn’t sneer. “So you think I should carry on working with it? Add words to a concept I hate?” “You could make a good song out of it. A great song. Hell, kid, you could write a great song about a stained coffee cup. You’re that good. Give it a go. Think of the next verse. Or if that’s too complicated, just the next line.” Seth looked at him for a long time without responding. A very long time. It wasn’t the lengthy silence that bothered Luke. Seth often got lost in his thoughts, especially when he was working out lyrics. But when Seth was immersed in a song, in figuring out what word to use when and what tune to play it to, his fingers always worked too, like they had just a moment ago. They played the chords of an imaginary guitar, strumming away to music only Seth could hear. Luke had always found it sexy as hell. Always loved to watch as those fingers moved with an intuitive ease that came from a lifetime of playing. He
www.samhainpublishing.com
19
Jess Dee
always wished those fingers were playing him and not some imaginary stringed instrument. Seth’s hands remained motionless now. His fingers didn’t even beat a rhythm on his legs as they sometimes did. “Seth?” Seth frowned. “Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking.” Seth shrugged. “It’s not there.” “What’s not there?” “The song. The words. They’re all gone.” He shook his head. “I’ve got nothing.” “It’s okay. Take your time. It’ll come back.” Seth’s laugh was hollow. “Ya think?” He shook his head again. “The words only come when the song wants to be written. This song doesn’t want to be written.” “You sound like your grandmother, making the song a real live being. It’s not, kid. It’s just a song.” “My grandmother was right. The songs are alive. They live in my head, growing and developing all the time. But when circumstances beyond my control stop them from growing, they freeze. This particular song is frozen. It’s not going anywhere, because you won’t let it.” “Don’t make this about me.” “It’s always about you, Luke. It has been since I was fifteen years old.” Seth stood with a feline grace, his lean legs closing the distance between them in six loping strides, and poked Luke in the chest. “You’ve been my dream since the Christmas you came home from school with Zachary.”
20
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Shit, the kid and his dreams. They might have been the birth of all things Speed, but for sure, they’d be the death of Luke. Seth spent his days lost in thought, lost in all the wonderful, magical possibilities of what could be. He imagined the ideal and then set about making it a reality. It was Seth who’d sat him, Nathan and Zachary down one evening and told them it was time to stop fucking around. Time to start dreaming big. To reach for the stars. Seth who’d described his vision for Speed and looked to his brothers and Luke to make it happen. Luke pushed his hand away firmly, conscious that his chest tingled where Seth had poked it. “I was never your dream, kid. I was just a childhood fantasy. Your big brother’s friend. The one who understood you, appreciated your unique needs. The one you could identify with. That’s all.” “Bullshit.” Seth’s hand was back on his chest, this time holding a handful of Luke’s shirt. “Fantasies aren’t real, but dreams can always be realized, no matter how big they are. And you were my biggest dream of all. You still are.” He’d stepped closer, and the lemony tang of his aftershave slipped into Luke’s consciousness. Seth was barely old enough to shave. No reason he should be wearing the damn stuff. Especially not when the scent made Luke hard as a rock. Goddamn it. He was no good for Seth. No good at all. Couldn’t Seth sense that about him? Luke would taint his dreams and sour his fantasies. He’d take all that was good about him and blacken it with his dark heart, his volatile moods and his rotten genes. He had to let go, had to push Seth away before he hurt him emotionally and physically—just like his father had hurt his mother. And him. “Step back, Seth. We’re not doing this now.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
21
Jess Dee
Seth looked at him with heavy-lidded eyes. Eyes that brimmed with desire. “Not doing what, exactly?” “Not doing the getting-naked thing. We’re talking song lyrics, that’s it.” It would help a whole hell of a lot if he actually believed what he’d just said. But he’d never stood a chance against that look of Seth’s. He was far too pretty for his own good. With his perpetual unshaven cheeks and low-slung jeans—which covered a prime, male ass—he was, quite simply put, beautiful. And when the beautiful kid looked at Luke with his eyes at halfmast and his face an open book of intent, Luke knew he was in big trouble. His cock stiffened, making him squirm in discomfort. Seth read his reactions all too easily. His gaze dropped to Luke’s groin, and he smiled. Fuck. “Okay, so apparently we’re not talking lyrics anymore.” Luke sighed. “Go to bed, Seth. It’s way past your bedtime, and you have a concert in less than…” He glanced over at the clock on the DVD player. “Eighteen hours.” Seth’s hand dropped to Luke’s waist. He gripped his belt. “Go to bed with me, Lucas. We can realize my dreams together. We can write a whole new set of lyrics together.” Luke tried to regulate his breathing, tried to steel himself against his persistent craving for Seth. He shook his head. “I can’t help you change the words. I can’t give you what you need. You know that.” “That’s what you always say, and then you kiss me, and suddenly I have everything I’ve ever needed, ever wanted, pressed against my lips.” Seth looked so deeply into Luke’s eyes, it took a second for Luke to realize his fingers had moved again. Now both of his hands were on Luke’s stomach, exploring beneath his T-shirt, making their way upwards, finding his nipples.
22
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Luke tried to keep his distance. Tried not to give in to Seth’s words or his scent or his proximity. Holy fuck, he tried. But…Jesus, Seth knew how sensitive his nipples were. Shivers tore up his spine. Maybe aggression would work better. It always had for his old man. A good backhand across the cheek or a fast jab to the stomach and his father got whatever he wanted. “Seth—” Fuck! Not so easy to speak between gritted teeth. He gave up trying and shoved Seth instead. Shoved him hard. Or he attempted to, anyway. But the second his hands found Seth, instead of shoving, they grabbed, tightening around his shoulders and hauling him closer. Seth groaned. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Lucas.” And with that, not in the least bit intimidated by Luke’s intended roughness, he raised his head, parted his lips and melded his mouth to Luke’s.
www.samhainpublishing.com
23
Chapter Two
All he’d ever wanted? Jesus. Couldn’t Seth see Luke was bad for him? Couldn’t he see how Luke had to restrain himself every time Seth came near? Didn’t he know that if Luke even once lost his temper, really lost his temper, Seth would likely wind up in the hospital? Wasn’t it possible—? Damn. That mouth… It did Luke’s head in. Did his resolve in. Made every decent thought in his head vanish. Every good intention. The way Seth’s lips clung to his, rubbing against them, created the sweetest, headiest friction. Even as Luke tried to hold himself rigid—every muscle in his body tense and ready for the flight he knew he should take—his tongue sought entry into Seth’s mouth. It slipped hungrily over Seth’s tongue, consuming him like a starved man. Luke fought the moment, fought Seth’s advances. He growled low in his throat and tried to pull away. But when Seth and Luke came together, when their mouths tangled and their bodies touched, rejecting the passion that flared between them was nothing short of a physical impossibility. Seth kept his lips soft and pliant, inviting and enticing, designed to draw Luke in deeper. And man, was he ever drawn in deeper. So deep, he almost lost himself to Seth’s lemony scent, to the hard cock pressing against his own erection.
Colors of Love
All the while Seth plucked at Luke’s nipples, teasing them into hard, aching points of pain and pleasure. Seth knew exactly when to stroke them gently for maximum pleasure and when to squeeze them to the point of pain. Seth molded his erection to the shape of Luke’s with just one sensual twist of his hips. Luke had watched crowds of women scream hysterically when Seth twisted like that onstage. The kid knew exactly what effect the move had, and he damn well knew Luke responded as helplessly as any one of those screaming fans. Christ, Luke wanted more. Seth’s erection bumping against his, grinding, wasn’t enough. Not even close. Not with two pairs of jeans between them. Luke was suddenly starving. Ravenous for more. He wanted nothing less than everything—starting with Seth draped over the back of the couch… Luke growled viciously into Seth’s mouth and cupped his ass with one hand, pulling him closer, grinding harder, faster. With the other hand, he cupped Seth’s chin and forced his mouth away, breaking the kiss. His body bucked in rebellion, wanting to see the kiss through to its natural conclusion. But there was no way he could think intelligently with Seth’s mouth on his, and right about now Luke needed to do some intelligent thinking. “Don’t do this,” he warned. Or maybe begged. Seth didn’t open his eyes. He just rubbed his chin up against Luke’s hand as though Luke had stroked his face, not broken a sultry kiss. “I have to do this, Lucas. You’re my now, forever and always. No matter how much you fight it. You always have been, and you always will be. Besides—” he ground his cock against Luke’s, “—you want this. As much as I do.” Luke clenched his teeth. Seth was the only goddamned person alive who called him Lucas. “Wanting something and doing it are not the same.” If it were, he’d never let Seth out of his bed.
www.samhainpublishing.com
25
Jess Dee
“They can be.” Seth looked at him. Lust had turned those baby blues a whole shade darker. They burned with a desire as fierce as Luke had ever seen. Seth rocked his hips, the natural rhythm of his movement tearing a hole through Luke’s gut. Seth could move, and when he did, it left Luke feeling like he had two left feet and a cock the size of a cannon. “Listen, kid—” Seth shook his head. “I’m not a kid anymore. You’ve known that for a long time now.” Yeah, he had. Five years and counting. Every day. Even so, emphasizing their age difference helped Luke keep his relationship with Seth in perspective. Luke shook his head, desperately trying to put obstacles between them, to get Seth to look at him differently. “I’m not your always, Seth. I never have been. You know that.” Seth nodded. “I know you believe that. But you and I are right for each other. Perfect. And in time you’ll come to see as much.” “You deserve better than I can give you. You deserve the best, someone who can give you everything.” “You are the best.” Seth stroked Luke’s nipples, let the other man’s groan reverberate around the room. “No one else alive makes me burn like you do.” “Not true,” Luke negated, seeking desperately to put anything between them. “The fire’s burned way stronger when we’ve had a third.” And they’d had plenty of thirds. Had indulged in many threesomes together. Luke had deliberately hauled in other people to maintain an emotional distance between himself and Seth. Maybe next time he could be pickier about whom he hauled into bed… The thought formed quickly, taking root in Luke’s mind, giving him an idea.
26
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
“That’s a sexual thing. A physical excitement. Watching you fucking someone else turns me on. Always has.” Seth’s gaze was liquid fire. “Just like you get all horny watching me with a woman. But you know what really makes a ménage such a winning deal for you and me?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “No matter how many other people we may fuck, when you and I are together, alone or with someone else, it’s not about fucking. It’s about making love.” Luke shook his head, storing his idea away for further consideration at a later time. “We fuck. We mess around. That’s it. You’re reading more into it than there is.” “Really?” Seth dipped his hand below the waistband of Luke’s jeans. Luke almost jumped out of his skin. Seth’s hot, callused fingers stroked him, up and down his shaft, around and around, his movement restricted by the tightness of Luke’s jeans. Fuck, he could come just like this. Could blow his load right now. Luke clenched his teeth and counted to ten, chasing down the urge. “You think that’s all this is?” Seth showed no mercy. He scraped his nails over Luke’s right nipple while he traced his thumb over Luke’s slit, painting the head of his cock with precome. “A fuck and a laugh? Nothing more?” He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Luke’s lips. “I don’t think so, lover.” “I do think so. An uncomplicated fuck and an easy lay. That’s all we can ever be to each other. It’s all I want from you, and it’s all I’ll ever be able to give you.” The way his balls had tightened into hard knots told him every word he uttered was a load of shit, just like they had been every time he’d uttered them before now. “If you’re on level with my way of thinking, then by all means stay, carry on doing what you’re doing, ’cause what you’re doing feels real damn good.” He sucked in a breath as Seth coaxed more precome from his dripping cock. “If you’re not, you need to take your hand out of my pants and leave.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
27
Jess Dee
Seth stared at him, looked straight into his eyes, his gaze unwavering. Inch by agonizing inch, he pulled his hand away until the only things covering Luke’s erection were his boxers and jeans. Just like that, grief slammed into Luke, wrenching his heart. Seth was leaving. Christ, he didn’t want him to go. He never wanted him to go. He glared at Seth. The kid had to go. For his own good. Seth bit his lower lip as he shook his head. “I can’t give you that, Luke. I can’t give you an easy lay. I won’t. You may not believe this, but I understand exactly what you want. And it’s not an uncomplicated fuck. It never was. Not between us.” Seth slid slowly to his knees, grazing his teeth over Luke’s throat and chest on the way, nipping sharply at his aching nipple. He came to rest with his face buried in Luke’s groin. Fuck! Just…fuck. Not what Luke had expected. Not by a long shot. Not what he’d planned. “Damn it, Seth!” Seth nuzzled Luke over his jeans. Luke shuddered. “Y-you’re supposed to walk away from me. Supposed to be disappointed by what I can’t give you.” “Why would I want to walk away?” Luke swore Seth’s breath seared his throbbing cock as he spoke. His legs turned to Jell-O. Goose bumps erupted over every inch of his flesh. “Because I’ll only hurt you if you stay.” Oh, shit. Too much information. He never wanted Seth to know what he was capable of. Problem was, with Seth’s mouth so close to his dick, he wasn’t monitoring his thoughts very well. “The only way you can hurt me is by pushing me away.” He found Luke’s fly, undid his belt buckle and went to work on his button and zipper. His fingers
28
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
were an exquisite form of torture against Luke’s cock, a mixture of soft flutters and intense pressure—each action a carefully measured ploy to get Luke as hard as steel. Oh, man, Luke was in such deep shit. Seth’s hand on his groin? Nothing less than concentrated pain that stirred extreme lust and unmanageable hunger. “You can tell me you can’t give me what I want, you can tell me I can do better, but you’re wrong, Lucas. Because when you’re with me, you give me everything I need.” Luke should shove Seth away, turn around and walk off. But Seth had freed his erection from the constrictive prison of his jeans, and he’d punctuated his statement with a hot lick of his tongue over Luke’s cock. The simple action had Luke rooted to the spot. Had his legs and arms locked in position, unable to shift even an inch. Seth pushed Luke’s jeans and boxers down around his ankles, trapping him in place. If Luke took a step in any direction, he’d trip. Seth wrapped his fingers around Luke’s balls, holding them firmly, stroking. He ran one finger over the tender spot just behind his scrotum while he palmed Luke’s shaft in his other hand. Luke saw stars. “They’re back, Luke. The words and the music. I hear them,” Seth whispered in that husky, aroused voice as he pumped Luke’s dick. “But then I always hear them when I’m with you.” Seth’s tongue swept a hot, wet path down his shaft and up again, and Luke’s hand tangled in Seth’s silky-soft hair, pulling him closer. His throat closed on a moan. Luke was powerless. Couldn’t object. Couldn’t walk away. Didn’t want to.
www.samhainpublishing.com
29
Jess Dee
Not when that same tongue laved his cock. Not when Seth slowly, torturously swallowed Luke down, taking him in all the way to the back of his throat before releasing him inch by heated inch, knowing the combination of his warm mouth and the air-conditioning would create all manner of conflicting sensations up the length of Luke’s shaft. Not when the melodious sounds of Seth’s moans echoed through his ears and the back of Seth’s throat hummed against the tip of his cock… Shivers wracked Luke’s body, exposing the extent of his desire for the kid on his knees before him. He was useless beneath Seth’s manipulations. Seth was an expert at blowjobs, and he used every one of his skills to drive Luke out of his mind. If Seth had any idea how conflicted Luke was right now, he’d spit him out and close his mouth faster than Luke could blink. If the kid had any idea about the kind of fears running through Luke’s head, the fears of what he could do to Seth, with his fists and his bare feet, Seth’d run a mile in sheer terror. Actually, he probably wouldn’t. Seth was too damn stubborn for that. Too damn convinced of his love for Luke. Seth had him enveloped in the heated cavern of his mouth. His tongue laved Luke’s leaking slit, and his fingers stroked wicked circles of torment around his balls. Luke flung his head back, emitted a silent groan and let the kid have his way. Not that Seth was the aggressor in their relationship. Hell, no. Luke was the aggressor. He had to be. It was in his blood. Luke was the one who took control, the one who seduced while Seth responded. Even now, they both knew it was only a matter of minutes before the balance of power changed, before Seth pushed him too far and Luke became the one controlling the moves.
30
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
But every second until then…hell, Luke wasn’t moving a single muscle. Wasn’t doing anything but losing his mind to the sinful pleasure of Seth’s mouth. To the enticing strokes of his fingers, the velvety suction of his cheeks and the smooth, wet licking of his tongue. Wasn’t even breathing as Seth swallowed him down again, his throat muscles working around Luke’s cockhead, driving him closer and closer to orgasm. Luke shoved his hands in Seth’s hair and tugged. Not hard enough to hurt— he made dead sure of that—but with enough force that Seth released him, pulling off his cock at leisure, savoring every last inch. His gluttonous moans and wordless protests hit Luke full in the stomach. “Seth…” Vocalizing his needs was close to impossible. “Gotta… Need to… Bedroom. Now!” He’d have taken Seth on the floor, right there, but he had no condoms and no lube out here. Seth was on his feet in a second, tugging impatiently on Luke’s hand as Luke kicked off his jeans. Last thing he needed now was to trip. He’d do himself permanent damage. He chased Seth into the bedroom and left him there to grab what he needed from the bathroom. Luke had already donned a condom by the time he walked over to the bed where Seth sat, stripping off his jeans. Seth pushed them over his trim hips then leaned back to finish the job, tugging his shoes off in the process. Luke clasped his cock tight, enjoying Seth’s strip show. He loved watching the guy get naked. Seth made undressing look like a sensual, inviting dance. And damn, Luke wanted to dance with Seth. He primed his cock with long, tense sweeps of his hand, coating the condom with lube. But after a few steady strokes he had to squeeze the base of his shaft real hard.
www.samhainpublishing.com
31
Jess Dee
Seth watched him with a hungry expression. “It’s always like this with us, Lucas. Every time is like the first time. A frantic rush to fuck. And you know why that is?” “’Course I do.” Luke’s voice was about three tones lower than usual. “It’s called compatibility. You and me? We work together sexually.” He shrugged, striving to look casual when he felt anything but. “Always have. You make me hot, I make you sweat. We get each other off. That’s all it is, baby.” Shit, he couldn’t look Seth in the face as he said that. Didn’t want to see the hurt in his eyes. So he stared at Seth’s cock instead. Then he had to pump his own cock again, because looking at Seth’s made him as horny as a goddamned teenager. Erect, Seth’s dick curved ever-so slightly towards his stomach, pulsing enticingly. It left a tiny wet patch on his T-shirt. He tugged on it as he watched Luke stroke himself. Seth laughed softly. “No, baby. That’s not all it is. It’s never just been about getting each other off, and you know it. Deny it all you want, but the urgency is there because you love me. Just like I love you.” Luke was not getting into a word match with Seth. Especially not about love. He was focused on keeping this whole encounter as emotionless as possible. The only thing he was getting into…was Seth’s ass. “Take off your shirt, kid.” Seth didn’t hesitate. He lost the shirt, exposing slim, washboard abs, defined arms and shoulders and a lean, beautiful torso. The very sight made Luke ache to hold him. Protect him. “Ya know, Lucas, I stopped being a kid the first time you stuck your cock in me.” Luke strongly suspected a part of him would always view Seth as a kid. Emotionally anyway. At fifteen, Seth had just been Zachary’s little brother. A kid
32
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
way too young for the advances he’d made on Luke—a then nineteen-year-old horny bastard who just wanted to get laid. At sixteen, Seth had still been too young, although even then Luke couldn’t deny his physical beauty. At seventeen, Seth had still not been old enough, but temptation had hung thick and inviting before Luke, making rejection difficult, but not impossible—yet. Seth’s eighteenth birthday had changed everything. Luke had finally given up the fight to keep seeing him as a child. Physically, he wasn’t one anymore. But Luke had still avoided getting involved with him, still resisted temptation. The Pace family had welcomed Luke into their hearts and home with open arms. Made him part of their family. He’d hated the idea of doing anything to displace the trust they’d put in him. And taking what Seth so generously offered would definitely count as abusing their trust. But, Jesus, Seth had been persistent. Insistent. And so damn sexy. So pure. Luke had tried. God help him, he’d tried. But he was no saint. And Seth had tested his restraint at every corner, in every minute, until finally he couldn’t say no anymore. Didn’t want to. He’d just wanted Seth. Wanted him in ways a man like him shouldn’t want a kid like Seth. So he’d allowed himself a small, harmless taste. A kiss. Nothing more. Unfortunately, that one taste hadn’t been enough. Not by a long shot. That one taste had morphed into an unquenchable thirst. A ravenous hunger, so he’d feasted on the kid. Long into the night and well into the next day. And the next week. And the next year. For close to five years he’d gorged on Seth, and still Luke’s appetite for him had not been satisfied. But falling harder for Seth with every passing day did not take away from the destiny Luke had been born to. It didn’t minimize or obliterate the fact that he was a victim of what the state social worker had called the cycle of abuse. Where the abused becomes the abuser. At sixteen, Luke, the boy who’d both
www.samhainpublishing.com
33
Jess Dee
watched his mother repeatedly being beaten and had taken several backhands himself, had become the beater. He’d laid into his father, thrashing him until the rotten excuse for a man lay bloodied on the floor. Until he’d ensured his father would never, ever consider lifting a hand to his mother again. For the preceding three years he’d practiced kung fu. Learned the arts of selfdefense and sparring. For three years he’d prepared himself for the day when he could stop cowering from his father and start fighting back. And when that day had come, when he’d finally achieved what he’d set out to—safety for his mother and himself—his entire plan had backfired. His pride in his actions and abilities had lasted for all of two minutes. Until he’d seen his mother’s horrified face. Until her desperate crying had turned from incoherent moans into rational pleas for him to stop. If his mother’s appalled look hadn’t been enough to tell him he’d done the wrong thing, the social worker’s comments had. “Too late for this one,” he’d heard her tell a colleague. “He’s already chosen the path of violence. There’ll be no saving him now.” Luke had known, from that moment on, that he’d learned his father’s behavior all too well. That should he ever settle down, his significant other would forever be in danger—of him. He refused to ever subject Seth to that kind of risk. And yet he couldn’t stand firm against Seth. Found it impossible. Found his challenges irresistible. Luke shook off his thoughts, focusing on the moment. “You ready for me, kid?” Seth bit his lower lip. “I’m always ready for you.” “Then roll over. Get up on your knees and show me that ass.”
34
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
From behind, Luke knew exactly how to fuck Seth, how to stroke into him to send him over the edge in a hurry. Plus, Luke had the added advantage of a free hand, which he could wrap around Seth’s dick and pump in time to the rhythm of his hips. Luke needed Seth in that position now. Needed the lack of intimacy. Needed to look anywhere but into those baby blues. With Seth on his knees, Luke could make it hard and fast. A sweaty, panting race to the finish line. An impersonal fuck that would leave them both sexually satisfied and Luke emotionally uninvolved. He hoped. Seth smiled slowly and shook his head. “Nope. Not on my knees. Not tonight.” He lay on his back, stretching himself out on the bed and bending one knee. Every muscle in Luke’s body tensed. Perspiration trickled down his spine. He should have guessed Seth would want it like this—face to face. Should have known the kid would take away every impersonal aspect of this encounter and make it profoundly intimate. He’d lie on his back so he could look into Luke’s eyes as they made love. And take Luke’s mouth in another one of his intoxicating kisses. Shit, he should roll Seth onto his side and take him like that—just to throw him off his game. Or better yet, even more impersonal, shove him up against the wall and let his front embrace nothing but cold, dried paint. But the sight of Seth stroking himself, his leg bent in open invitation, his hole just visible between his butt cheeks… It was more than Luke could bear. More than anything, he wanted Seth’s lips on his again. Seth’s tongue in his mouth. Wanted to taste another of the man’s sweet kisses. And Christ, he wanted Seth staring into his eyes as he wrapped himself around Luke’s body, his arms smoothing up Luke’s back, his thighs clasping
www.samhainpublishing.com
35
Jess Dee
Luke’s waist. Wanted Seth’s cock brushing against his stomach as Luke pumped into him. Who was he kidding? He just wanted Seth. Any time, any way, any how. Luke climbed onto the bed, and Seth immediately spread his legs, making space for Luke to kneel between them. Another drop of sweat trickled down Luke’s back at the unimpeded sight. “Fuck…Seth!” He couldn’t draw enough air into his lungs. “Tell me you’re ready for all of me.” Seth drew his knees up and his feet off the mattress. He stared into Luke’s eyes and arched his back. “So ready…” The rest of his sentence was lost to a breathy moan. Luke tore his gaze away from Seth’s. Refused to look at him. He focused instead on lining up his aching dick with Seth’s ass. He leaned over his lover, guided his cock into position and with as much control as he could muster, thrust once. He breached Seth’s hole, sliding smoothly inside him, like he knew he would. With his cock buried halfway inside Seth, he stopped. A wordless moan rent the air. Seth’s. “Baby, that feels so good.” No. Don’t call him that. Keep your distance. Force yourself. Perspiration broke out on his forehead. Christ, how often had he and Seth done this before? How was it that every damn time, with that first thrust, Luke felt like he’d found home? Luke pulled out and drove back in. He knew exactly how to angle his cock for maximum penetration and exactly how fast he could go those first few
36
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
thrusts. Not too fast, but not too slow. Just a steady, sensual pace until Seth grew accustomed to his presence. Another thrust, a little deeper this time but still not all the way. “So damn good.” “Luke…” Damn it, Luke didn’t mean to look up, didn’t mean to watch as Seth licked his lips then drew his teeth over his bottom lip and released it, leaving it plump and shiny and begging to be kissed. And he sure as hell didn’t mean to let his gaze wander up to meet Seth’s. “Lucas.” His name was a soft whisper. Seth wrapped his arm around Luke’s neck, pulling his head down, closer. Oh, Christ. Seth wanted a kiss. Wanted to touch those plump, shiny red lips to his. Luke tensed, refused to budge, but Seth ignored his silent denial. He used Luke’s shoulders to pull himself up instead, to inch his face closer to Luke’s. Closer, closer, until Luke could no longer protest, no longer wanted to. Until their breaths merged and their lips touched. As Luke plunged into him again, he fused his mouth to Seth’s. On a breathy sigh, Seth welcomed his tongue and raised his hips to meet Luke’s thrust, drawing him in all the way. Hours later, or maybe it was just seconds—Luke tended to lose track of time when Seth kissed him—Seth rolled his hips, reminding Luke to pull out and stroke into him again. Not his fault he’d forgotten. Seth fit around him like a snug, velvet glove. Nobody in his right mind would ever want to pull away once buried inside Seth. But then Luke was hardly in his right mind. If he was, he wouldn’t be doing this—again.
www.samhainpublishing.com
37
Jess Dee
He nuzzled Seth’s jaw, enjoying the scrape of his half-beard against his lips. “Makes me crazy how damn hot you feel wrapped around me like this.” Soft sounds of pleasure were Seth’s response. His one hand was buried in Luke’s hair, massaging his scalp. He tugged at Luke’s shirt with his other, pushing it up and out of the way, so the next time Luke plunged into him, bare skin met bare skin. “Gonna make you come so hard,” Luke promised. He loved the sight of come on Seth’s stomach. Loved how it pooled in the recesses of his muscles. Years of guitar playing had honed Seth’s torso into a lean, sculpted object of beauty. Seth kissed him again. A deep, hot, penetrating kiss that matched the way Luke fucked him—with deep, hot, penetrating strokes. Seth groaned. A soft sound that ricocheted straight through into Luke’s heart. “Tell me about it, baby,” Luke encouraged, knowing he’d used that term he didn’t want to use but helpless to stop himself. Seth’s wordless noises inflamed him. “Tell me all about it.” Another groan made him drive into Seth a little harder, a little faster, until a steady stream of precome leaked from Seth’s cock, wetting his stomach. Luke balanced on one arm, using his free hand to draw a finger through the sticky substance. Then he held the finger to Seth’s mouth. “Suck it. Like you just sucked me.” A hot, wet mouth closed around the digit, sucking it in deep, just like Seth’s ass tugged Luke’s dick in deep. It made Luke’s balls draw tight. He pulled out, thrust in again, made sure to go deep, rub against Seth’s gland.
38
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Seth released his finger in favor of his neck, sucking hard, but stopping just short of leaving a mark. Then he kissed Luke again, making love to his lips and his mouth. Oh yeah, Seth was definitely in the mood for long, languid kisses, and God help him, Luke could not complain. No longer wanted to. He just wanted to kiss Seth, taste his desire on his tongue, make love to him. Forget their history and his past and their lack of a future. Every time Luke got inside Seth, and every time Seth kissed him, Luke lost just a little more of his heart. Seth’s mouth on his, Seth’s ass around his dick, their nipples rubbing together… Of course he loved him. How could Luke feel any differently? No matter how wrong Luke was for Seth, no matter how much Luke fought against everything Seth dreamed about, every damn time he got close to Seth, he got caught up in loving the kid just a little bit more. Seth never made love to anyone else the way he made love to Luke. Seth responded, he gave his all to any sexual interlude, but he gave it physically. Emotionally, he held back. Except with Luke. When they were alone, he gave everything. His joy, his pleasure, his fears, his confusion. His trust. His goddamned fucking trust. Seth couldn’t trust him. Ever. History had proved that. His mother and the social worker had proved that. Anger sizzled through Luke, anger towards himself, for not being able to be the man Seth believed him to be. He broke the kiss, rested his weight on his arms, which he planted on either side of Seth’s shoulders, and lifted his torso up. Then he began to fuck Seth in earnest. Maybe if he pounded hard enough, he’d pound the violence out of his blood.
www.samhainpublishing.com
39
Jess Dee
He slammed into the welcoming depths of Seth’s body, buried himself deeper and deeper with each thrust. Christ, deep as he went, he couldn’t get deep enough. Couldn’t get so deep that he could hide from his fears. God help him, he tried. He drove into Seth. Fucked him hard. Threw every bit of desire and anger and frustration and love he had into his thrusts. Still, his doubts haunted him. Still, he feared hurting Seth. Feared it so much he suddenly realized the very act of fucking Seth this hard might hurt him, and immediately Luke lessened the attack, calmed his wild bucking. Seth was having none of it. He groaned out a complaint the second Luke backed off, clung hard to Luke’s shoulders for support and slammed his ass onto Luke’s cock. Both men moaned at the sensation. Seth clung, slammed, moaned and kissed Luke again. And again. Wouldn’t release his mouth, wouldn’t let Luke’s cock go for more than a millisecond at a time. Luke angled his hips upward slightly, knowing that every time he thrust, he would hit Seth’s gland. Seth’s moans became louder. Breathless pants turned to rapturous gasps, spurring Luke on. Luke shifted Seth’s leg so his foot hooked over Luke’s shoulder. Both men groaned as Luke went in deeper still. Seth began to sweat. Moisture slickened his skin. His nipples stood up, beaded and erect, and once again he grabbed his dick, tugged on it. Luke leaned in, licked Seth’s nipple, tasting the salt on his skin. Seth’s hand knocked against his stomach repeatedly as he pumped his erection. Concentration was lost to Luke. He couldn’t focus properly, couldn’t get his mouth around Seth’s nipple. Not when he felt this damn good. Not when his
40
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
dick was enveloped in raw, wet heat, and the sounds Seth emitted were guttural and raspy. Not when every nerve in his body screamed for release. He needed to come. Needed to let go of the orgasm building in his balls, in his prostate, in his throbbing cock. Needed to explode inside the man he loved— no matter how much he wished he didn’t. Needed to come, but couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Not before Seth. Seth had to take his pleasure first, find his release before Luke. Because God knew if he didn’t, Luke wouldn’t have the energy to finish him off after. Luke ached to whisper sweet nothings to Seth. Ached to tell him he loved him. Wanted to beg him to stay in his arms—now, forever and always. Wanted to tell him to stay the hell away, to stay safe. Wanted to tell him how much he hated himself for having the potential to hurt him. But he didn’t. He shut up and fucked Seth. Fucked him deep and hard and fast, letting out every single iota of frustration and pain and love he felt in his thrusts. Deeper, harder, faster. Deeperharderfaster. So goddamned deep he lost himself in Seth’s body. So goddamned deep he almost missed Seth’s shameless cry of ecstasy. So damn deep he was hardly aware of the way Seth’s hand had angled his cock upward and ceased moving, and his back had arched into a blissful curve. So deep that when thick, white strands of come hit Luke’s chest then dripped onto Seth’s, he was almost oblivious to their significance. Almost. But Luke could never totally lose track of Seth’s actions. No matter how lost he was in Seth’s body.
www.samhainpublishing.com
41
Jess Dee
So when the tangy scent of Seth’s come hit his nose and the glazed look of satisfaction and bliss pierced Luke’s addled brain, his reaction was gut-deep. He let go of every last bit of self-control and slammed into Seth’s body. Over and over, faster and faster until light became dark and dark became light, and he saw and felt nothing besides acute, all-consuming pleasure. Luke’s orgasm blindsided him, wiping all conscious thought from his head. He was a heaving mass of stimulated nerve-endings, and each nerve ending registered more gratification than the next. By the time the whirlwind ended, Luke had not an iota of strength left in his arms. He collapsed atop Seth, breathless and boneless, conscious of only three things. The warm, wet remains of Seth’s orgasm squishing between them; strong, lean arms holding him tight; and the softly sung words of a song vibrating in his ear. “Now, forever and always, we have each other. “I am yours, and you’re my lover. “This is it, you have my heart. “We’ll build on it, it’s just the start.” Shit. Luke knew he had to act. Had to do something drastic. And he had to do it soon, before Seth had him believing in his goddamned concept of now, forever and always. As he lay there, breathless, panting, and so sexually sated his cock seemed to silently hum its content as it shrank, the plan that had taken root earlier began to grow.
42
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
It was a brilliant plan. A foolproof plan. A plan that would work for him and Seth and the benefit of the entire band. Seth had given him the idea when he’d mentioned their threesomes. Mentioned how no matter who joined them, the third person was always just a sexy fuck, a way of spicing up their sex life and nothing more. But what if the third person wasn’t just a fuck? What if he or she was a perfect match for Seth? What if the next someone Luke found to bring into bed with them was the kind of someone Seth could fall in love with? Initially, any sexual encounter would have to be between the three of them. If Luke refused to participate in the beginning, Seth would immediately be suspicious. But slowly over time, Luke could withdraw, leaving Seth and that third person alone more and more often, until finally he’d be able to pull away altogether. It would be an ideal solution to every one of his problems. He’d be able to walk away from the kid without hurting him, because Seth would now love someone else. Perfect plan, no? Yes. Perfect. The only difficulty would be finding someone good enough for Seth. Someone with dazzling characteristics, who’d sweep Seth up in his or her love and never let him go. The search would not be simple. Nor would it be easy. Because, in the end, Seth truly did deserve the best, and just where could Luke find that one ideal person?
www.samhainpublishing.com
43
Chapter Three
On just the other side of the door where Kaz, Tasha and their friend Sophie stood, the voices of forty thousand or so people filled the Sydney Football Stadium with a deafening roar. Women shrieked, and high whistles pierced the air. The crowd was restless and excited, anticipating the start of the concert. Demanding the start of the concert. It began a slow clap which increased in speed and sound until thunderous applause echoed through the door. Not that it had any effect. The concert was not scheduled to begin for another ten minutes, and even then, it would be the supporting act walking onstage, not Speed. Kaz was only vaguely aware of the noise, only vaguely aware that just meters away from where they stood were three seats with their names on them. Three seats that they’d been denied access to. Frustration and irritation should have shuddered through her. It had shuddered through her, violently—until the man had stepped into her vision. And then her mind had blanked, her irritation had floundered, and she’d found herself staring, spellbound, as he made his way over to them. It wasn’t just his looks that had her head reeling, although those in themselves would set any woman’s heart on fire. It was the effervescent swirl of color vibrating around him that took her breath away. The man’s aura was a multihued rainbow, his energy electrifying. It amazed Kaz that she was the only one who noticed it. With color that bright and that varied, the entire stadium should turn to look at him.
Colors of Love
A halo of orange surrounded him, while turquoise streaks weaved their way through a cloud of viridian around his head. Varying shades of pink hovered near his chest and salmon seemed to pour from his hands. With every stride of his long legs, he emitted amber and caramel hues. And underneath that, wrapped in a very fine line around his entire being, was a charcoal-grey halo. Brightest of all however, was the carmine red that encircled his chest. The exact shade of carmine red that had vibrated from the trees surrounding her home for the last week. The carmine red that told her change was a-coming. Oh, my. What a vibrant mass of perfect male. Lust hit Kaz smack in the middle of her lungs, leaving her winded. Surely it wasn’t legal for anyone to look that good? Especially someone with such a contradictory accumulation of color. The closer he got to Kaz and her friends, the brighter the orange glowed, letting her know this was a man in charge. A born leader. The carmine seemed to fade ever so slightly. He smiled when he reached them. “Ladies.” He spoke in an accented voice, either American or Canadian, Kaz couldn’t be sure. “I’m sorry to do this to you, but it seems there’s been a mix-up with your tickets.” Kaz tried to concentrate on the problem at hand. It was a big one, and it needed to be cleared up. But holy heck! Up close, the guy wasn’t just goodlooking, he was in-your-face, wicked-hot gorgeous. With a quadruple dose of ohmy-God sexy, to boot. One glimpse at him didn’t just make her lose her train of thought, it made the walls of her pussy twitch and her breasts tighten. The confidence and poise that pulsed from him in that orange hue made her want to push up close and rub herself all over his tall, muscular frame. The charcoal-grey fence around him made her want to take him in her arms and comfort him. Something was
www.samhainpublishing.com
45
Jess Dee
upsetting him. More than upsetting him. Something he held very close to his person, so close Kaz was pretty sure no one else knew about it, had the potential to devastate his world. Fortunately, Tasha spoke up, because Kaz seemed to have forgotten how to talk, and someone needed to challenge the man about the problem at hand. “What kind of mix-up, exactly?” Tasha asked. Yeah, focus, girl. There’s been a mix-up with your tickets. Don’t ya wanna know if you’re gonna get to see the Speed concert? He looked at Tasha. “They were double-booked.” Even the constant buzz of sound behind them could not mask Sophie’s horrified gasp. Sophie should be horrified. Standing meters away from their assigned seats and being denied access was not Kaz’s idea of fun. Well, it hadn’t been—until he’d arrived. Now she’d be only too happy to spend the duration of the concert watching him instead of Speed. “It’s not a problem.” His voice was so calm and so positive, Kaz couldn’t help but believe him. She couldn’t help but want to snuggle up in his arms either. “I’ll find you alternative seating. If you’ll just follow me?” Oh, yeah. Here was a guy used to being in charge. Used to ensuring everything ran smoothly. Here was a guy who was super-confident in most everything he did. His orange aura told Kaz that. It also told Kaz to trust him, because he wouldn’t disappoint her. A moment’s silence followed his request. Sophie and Tasha seemed to be mulling over his offer. Kaz remained quiet because the power of speech still eluded her. Which wasn’t a bad thing—if she could talk, she strongly suspected she’d volunteer to follow him all the way to the ends of the earth if he so wished.
46
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Then Tasha nodded, breaking the impasse. Kaz nodded too as she narrowed her eyes to take another look at the man, wondering about the grey strip around him. What had happened to cause the grief and sadness he held so close? And did it have anything to do with the change she knew was coming? When her gaze settled on his eyes—his beautiful brown eyes—she had to catch her breath. He was looking back at her, with…well, with almost as much interest as she looked at him. And perhaps with a hint of surprise? Or maybe he was just surprised to find her staring at him with such open curiosity. And what about the buttercup yellow that had snuck into his aura? She hadn’t noticed that the first time she’d looked at him. The man blinked, his eyes widening as his gaze flickered down her body and back up again. It wasn’t a leisurely once-over—although Kaz felt it deep in her belly, which seemed to flutter with a million butterflies. It was a quick glance, almost imperceptible, except Kaz was staring at him so intently she couldn’t help but notice. And he knew it. A magnetic pull danced between them, making her want to shuffle up close. Had Tasha and Sophie not been standing beside her, she would have taken a step forward. As it was, she had to force herself to replace her foot on firm ground and not move. But then he smiled, a smile so sexy it made Kaz smile too. And shiver. She couldn’t help herself. She stepped closer. She would have taken another step if he hadn’t blinked once again and then directed the full force of his beam at Sophie. Lucky Sophie. “This way, please.” With a gallant motion of his hands, he indicated they should follow him. He turned and led them halfway around the jam-packed stadium, the only place in the city big enough to hold all of Speed’s fans.
www.samhainpublishing.com
47
Jess Dee
Tasha and Sophie trailed tentatively behind him, but Kaz felt no such compunction. She fully intended to keep pace with this man. She was going to talk to him if it killed her. Maybe he’d give her some clue as to the connection between the message from the trees and the carmine emanating from him. When he noticed her beside him he shortened his strides to match hers. Nice. A gentleman. “So, does this happen often?” she asked as they walked. “Double-booked seats at concerts, I mean.” This time when he smiled it was all for her, and it made her feel warm all over. “Honestly?” He shrugged. “I wouldn’t know. I usually don’t get involved in seating issues.” “You don’t?” He shook his head, drawing her attention back to the turquoise and viridian shades there. Here was a man determined to become something better than he was, determined to rise above the situation he was born into. He was also a man who experienced strong emotion. Lord, but she wanted to get to know him better. So, so much better. “It’s not part of my job description,” he said. “Oh.” Yikes, that didn’t sound too reassuring. Lucky Sophie and Tasha hadn’t heard him. “If that’s the case, will you be able to find us other seats?” “You have no concerns there—we already have. I think you’ll be happy with them. They’re much closer to the stage than your original ones.” “Bonus.” Kaz grinned. Their original seats had been so far back the only way they’d have been able to see the band with any clarity was by looking up at the massive screens hanging above the platform. “Mind if I ask you a question?” She wanted to ask him a million questions. Find out everything she could about him. Wanted to understand all those colors in his aura.
48
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
She saw everyone in terms of color. Every single person. So why did this guy grab her attention? What was it about him that made her want to understand just what it was he thought and felt that made his colors glow so enticingly? Or so concerningly. “Not at all. Ask away.” “If this isn’t part of your normal job description, then what is?” He scratched his head and said in a slightly amused voice, “Well, let’s see. Speed members would probably call me their general workhorse and gopher, but I like to think of myself more as band manager.” Kaz tripped over her own feet. He caught her arm, steadying her before she could fall, and his hand burned about a hundred degrees on her bare skin. Kaz’s jaw dangled open. She slammed it shut. What the…? “Y-you’re Luke Struthers?” He raised an eyebrow. “You’ve heard of me?” Heard of him? He was her brother’s idol. His role model. While Kaz had daydreamed about the cute-as-hell Jordan Speed, her brother had expounded the virtues of Luke Struthers. He’d spent hours explaining to her why the man was a legend. How he’d used his marketing and promo skills to take three unknown brothers and turn them into superstars. Now that she thought about it, the man did look like the pictures Ollie had shown her. “Uh, yeah. Your name’s been mentioned once or twice around my parents’ house.” “Once or twice is enough for me.” He grinned. “Usually it’s the Speed brothers who are mentioned by their fans. Not their band manager.” “My brother’s just completed a course in marketing. He, er, wrote a term paper on you. You’re kind of his hero.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
49
Jess Dee
“I’m flattered.” He was. Kaz could see it in his eyes. “Tell your brother I say hey.” “I will.” She couldn’t wait to see Ollie’s reaction. He’d likely drop dead from jealousy. Demand to know every detail about their meeting. Kaz would tell him. She’d just leave out some important bits. Like the instant desire that had struck her. Like the way he made her heart race like crazy. Like the four bajillion goose bumps that had broken out over her skin. She glanced at her arm, at the very place Luke held it. How intriguing that a stranger’s hand should feel so right wrapped around her forearm like that. So…seductive. Luke glanced there too, then met her gaze. He didn’t drop his hand, and she didn’t ask him to. As if by mutual consent, they just carried on walking, Kaz picking up the conversation as if nothing had happened. As if no silent communication had passed between them, and as if her arm weren’t burning up from his very touch. “I’m surprised you’d be on this side of the arena,” Kaz mused. “I’d expect the band manager to be backstage now, handling any last-minute crises, ensuring everything flows smoothly.” He nodded. “Usually I would be there. But someone asked that I personally look into the mess-up with the seats. I couldn’t refuse.” “Someone? You mean the usher at the door?” A heartbeat passed before he answered, and when he did, light twinkled in his eyes. “Yeah. Sure. The usher.” Oooh, he so hadn’t told her the truth with that answer. She slowed to a stop and searched his aura for signs of lemony green, an indication that he might willfully be lying, but found nothing. He still vibrated in colors that inspired her confidence and trust. The only thing different about his aura was the brightening
50
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
of the carmine and a small spot of scarlet that had appeared just below his belly. A spot that wasn’t there before they’d begun talking. Scarlet. The color of desire. And lust. The same darn color that was swelling from her in waves. He tugged gently on her arm, spurring her into a walk again. They headed down the same staircase she and her friends had ascended not ten minutes ago. “It wasn’t the usher, was it?” Kaz pushed him. “Who else would it have been?” His question was shrouded in innocence. She frowned. The man was evading the question. “That’s what I’d like to know.” “Know what I’d like to know?” He looked over at her as he asked, his mouth curved into a smile, his eyes still twinkling and his voice low and intimate. At that point Kaz would have told him anything. Anything at all. Phone number, credentials, bank details. They were his. All he needed to do was ask. “No. What?” “Your name.” “Oh. Uh. Kaz. Kaz Flaherty.” “Kaz? Unusual name.” “It’s short for Karen.” “Well, Kaz, you ready to see your new seats?” He stopped at a door clearly marked “No Entry”. She blinked. Er, no. Not if it meant an end to their conversation. “You still haven’t told me who asked you to sort out the mess.” “I know. And I will. Later.” He pushed the door open as Sophie and Tasha caught up. A wave of sound crashed over them. The sound of forty thousand screaming voices.
www.samhainpublishing.com
51
Jess Dee
Luke lifted his palm, indicating the three friends should walk through the door. Kaz did as he asked—and gasped. He turned to Sophie. “Front-row seats okay with you?” Holy heck. Front-row seats at the Speed concert? Now, more than ever, Kaz wanted to know who’d asked Luke to sort out the mess. Tasha laughed in delight. Sophie asked if he was kidding. “We never kid about the front row.” Luke’s tone was solemn but loud enough to be heard over the roar around them. He led them past the massive crowds of people in the standing-room-only section, towards the VIP seats in the center of the floor. “See the three seats in the middle?” he half-yelled. “Those are yours.” “But—” Sophie’s objection was cut off with another of his beautiful smiles. “Look, the mistake was ours. We double-booked your tickets, and the concert is completely sold out. This is the only alternative seating we could come up with on the spur of the moment. Please, accept our apologies and take the seats.” Sophie and Tasha stared at him, disbelieving. He turned to Kaz, squeezing her arm gently. “The seats are yours,” he said into her ear, making sure she could hear. “Take them. Please.” His breath washed over her neck, giving her shivers. “Okay.” Because what else could she say when Speed’s band manager offered her the best seats in the house while he held her arm in his hand and whispered in her ear? He nodded his approval. “Good.” Kaz wanted to angle her head to the side in the hopes he’d nibble her neck. “Now tell your friends to sit in them.”
52
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
“Go.” Kaz shooed Sophie and Tasha towards the chairs. “Sit. Quickly. Before he changes his mind.” Luke’s laugh told her he had no such intention. The low rumble in her ear vibrated through her chest, making her breasts tighten in awareness. Looking as baffled as she felt, Sophie and Tash thanked Luke profusely and headed over to the three middle seats. Kaz would have scurried after them, but Luke still held her arm in a firm, pussy-wetting grasp. Besides, she couldn’t seem to drag her feet away from him. Plus, she wanted answers. “Later?” she asked him. He drew back to look at her in confusion. “You said you’d answer my question later.” The twinkle was back in his eye. “I will. I’ll answer all your questions. Because believe me, by then you’re going to have more than just one.” What the…? What else was there to ask? “Mate, the concert’s about to begin. There isn’t going to be a later.” He looked at her with eyes as liquid and enticing as melted chocolate. “Yeah, there will be. After the concert.” “After?” “After,” he confirmed. “Sit tight here, and I’ll see you after the concert.” Kaz laughed then. Yeah, right. Sure he would. Because band managers of world-famous rock bands always made sure they saw arbitrary audience members after a show. Luke gave a low whistle as he regarded her. “Oh, ye of little faith.” Then he did something that shocked Kaz. He lifted the arm he still held to his mouth and kissed the palm of her hand—sending a flurry of goose bumps up her arm. “Trust me, sweet pea. I’ll see you after the show.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
53
Jess Dee
And with Kaz’s jaw gaping open—again—Luke Struthers turned and walked out of the arena through the same door they’d just walked through. The one with the neon sign hanging on it that said, “No Entry.”
“He is not.” Kaz stared indignantly at Tasha, who’d just told her she thought Luke was gay. Sophie surprised her by agreeing with Tasha. “Definitely gay. But gorgeous, nevertheless. With a beautiful smile. Still doesn’t explain why we’re in the front row.” Kaz harrumphed but said no more. Like Sophie, she couldn’t understand why Luke had seated them there. Unlike Sophie, her ability to read colors had told her clearly that the band manager liked women. She had no idea how he felt about men, but there was a definite spark between her and him. A lovely scarlet red spark that even now pulsed from her, even though Luke had walked away. Would he come back? Would she get to ask him any more questions? Kaz, Tasha and Sophie chatted and laughed throughout the supporting act’s performance, but everything changed when Jordan and Jonah Speed walked onstage. As Jordan strummed his first note on the guitar and Jonah sat behind him on drums, the crowd erupted into mayhem, and Kaz’s knees went weak. Jordan was even more beautiful in real life than all those glossy magazines had given him credit for. Even telly screens did not do him justice. He was smaller than his drummer brother. Slimmer and leaner. And utterly perfect. His jeans hugged his legs, his long, slim fingers plucked at the strings of his guitar, and Kaz melted. He stood so close she imagined she could reach out and touch him. She desperately wanted to reach out and touch him. Run her hands over his
54
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
unshaven cheeks, press her mouth to his full, luscious lips, stare into his startling green eyes and let him set his guitar down so he could pluck her instead of the strings. For a few seconds she wished she could make out Jordan’s aura, but the smoke erupting from the stage made it impossible. Colors merged together in an unrecognizable smudge. The only hue she could identify was a touch of carmine red, pulsing from Jordan just like it had pulsed from Luke. Or maybe that was just her imagination. Her imagination was having a field day, letting her mind race free, giving her a chance to picture herself not only with Jordan’s long, slender fingers caressing her naked skin, but Luke’s as well. What wasn’t her imagination was the way Jordan’s gaze kept returning to the front row where she, Tasha and Sophie sat. He was watching them? Impossible, she told herself when Jordan looked at Jonah, and then the two brothers both looked over at the front row and grinned. Absolutely impossible. There was no way in hell they were looking at her and her friends. Even more impossible was what happened next. Jamie Speed walked onstage singing. Which would have been no surprise at all—considering this was a Speed concert—except he danced across the stage, came to stand directly in front of them and with his gaze pinned on Sophie, blew her a kiss. The rest of the concert passed in a haze of fantasies come true. For Sophie anyway. Kaz simply stood on her feet, her legs moving naturally to the rhythm of the music pumping through the stadium, feeling nothing less than awed.
www.samhainpublishing.com
55
Chapter Four
Kaz looked around in amazement. “Let’s face it,” she whispered to Tasha. “We are way out of our league here.” Tasha nodded, her expression a reflection of Kaz’s thoughts. “Thousands of miles out.” She flashed Kaz a huge grin. “And I love every second of it.” “Me too.” Kaz raised her flute of champagne in a silent toast. Truth be told, she hated the stuff, but it just seemed right to sip on the bubbly now. The who’swho of Australian celebrities circulated through the very room in which they stood. Several times Kaz had been forced to snap her jaw shut, or she’d have gaped at the familiar faces of people she’d never dreamed she’d meet. She’d almost tripped over a star from one of the soapies walking out of the bathroom. The same star sniffed and rubbed her nose prettily, giving Kaz a good example of the meaning of the expression: “powdering one’s nose”. Rock concert after-parties, it seemed, were everything Kaz had ever imagined. The only thing that didn’t fit in with her imaginings was the fact that she stood here, in the luxury suite, rubbing shoulders with the crème de la crème of Sydney society. But right now her focus wasn’t on Sydney society. It was on a certain American band manager who exuded confidence and made Kaz wish she was the one taking instructions from him and not the hotel staff. It surprised her she’d had such a strong reaction to Luke Struthers. Just one month ago she’d gathered together the courage to walk away from a man who’d almost choked her with his affection. Martin’s love had become too intense and
Colors of Love
too serious for her comfort. So she wasn’t prepared for desire to now hit her so forcefully between the eyes. Well, legs. But maybe the attraction was this strong because that was all it was. A physical reaction. No emotional ties and no questions of marriage and babies and forever. Or maybe the attraction was so strong because he was freaking Luke Struthers—Speed’s band manager. She eyed him thoughtfully—okay, lustfully—over her glass. He’d promised her answers, even promised her she’d have more questions. And he was right. She had a million of them. True, she could have asked for answers from Sophie, who’d not only been invited onstage by Jamie Speed himself but seemed to be Jamie’s love interest. But Sophie wasn’t at the party yet, although Kaz had been told she would arrive any minute. With Jamie. So she eyed Luke with determination, knowing if he didn’t make his way over to her soon, she’d head him off, hopefully in a private corner somewhere, where no one else could see them… “Holy crap!” Tasha’s stunned oath jerked Kaz out of her musing. “Is that—?” Tasha gaped at someone across the room. “Oh, my God. It is. It really is. I’ve got to meet him, Kaz. I have to. Have no choice, really.” She was already walking away, her eyes glazed with wonder. Kaz scanned the crowd but had no idea who Tasha had targeted. She would have kept scanning had a warm hand not landed on her arm and warm breath whispered over her neck. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t she of little faith.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
57
Jess Dee
Kaz’s lungs ceased to function. She fought unsuccessfully to draw air into them. “Told you I’d see you after the concert,” Luke said. Kaz ignored the lack of oxygen and cheekily checked her watch. “You did indeed. I just had no idea ‘after’ meant two hours later.” She put on her best I’mnot-impressed expression and wondered how long it would take for Luke to see through it. Less than a second, apparently. He chuckled. “Admit it, Bernie was at your side before the final encore.” Kaz couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips. “Bernie”, it turned out, was one of the burly security guards who tailed Speed wherever they went. He’d been dispatched by Luke to collect Tasha and Kaz and escort them to the afterparty. In the back of a giant black Mercedes. With darkened windows and a fully equipped bar. And a chauffeur. And buttery-soft leather seats. And an engine that purred through the streets of Sydney. “Bernie didn’t give me any answers,” she pointed out. In fact, Bernie hadn’t said very much at all. He raised a brow. “You still have questions? After everything that happened tonight?” “Only about a million.” His fingers curled around the arm he hadn’t yet released, just like they’d curled around her arm earlier. Kaz liked the sensation. Very much. “Walk with me. I have to make sure the interviews are going okay, but I’ll answer what I can as we go.” His touch burned through her skin, leaving Kaz lightheaded. She didn’t care what Sophie or Tasha had said about him being gay. Luke was as interested in
58
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
her as she was in him. There was no denying it. Her breasts tingled as she fell into step beside him. “So, you can confess now, it wasn’t the usher who asked you to look into the mess-up with the seats, was it?” Luke shook his head. “You haven’t realized yet?” “Realized what?” “There was no mess-up. Your original seats probably sat empty the whole show. Jamie asked for you to be moved to the front row.” Kaz shook her head in wonder. “So he and Sophie do know each other. From before the show, I mean.” Why hadn’t Sophie said anything? Luke raised his eyebrow in a manner that told her he couldn’t really believe she was asking. “Intimately.” Ooh, she and Sophie were long overdue for a talk. “And you knew he was gonna invite her up onstage with him?” “No. That took us all by surprise. Jamie’s never done anything like that.” He steered her out of the hotel suite and knocked on the door of the next room. It was opened by another burly security guard. Luke stepped inside with a nod, bringing Kaz with him. “Five minutes,” he told the people gathered in the suite. Kaz just stopped herself from gasping out loud. She knew her eyes were enormous, but she couldn’t help staring. There was Jonah Speed, sitting with a foot hooked over his opposite knee, a beer in one hand, looking casual and relaxed—even with a TV camera focused on him. A Channel Nine News reporter held a big, fluffy mike between them. This close, Jonah’s presence took Kaz’s breath away. He was massive. Bigger than either of his brothers. His shoulders, the ones she’d always admired, weren’t just big. They were easily the width of a small pool. Or ocean.
www.samhainpublishing.com
59
Jess Dee
Kaz did not have to read his aura to know the man exuded sensuality. In fact, his colors seemed to fade behind the flare of his sexuality. He had a presence about him that made Kaz want to strip her clothes off and throw herself at him, naked. Even Jonah’s smile, with those luscious, full and tantalizing lips, was wildly provocative. As for his eyes, they held the promise of fulfillment of every carnal, illicit fantasy ever imagined. She strongly suspected if she gave in to her instincts to strip, she wouldn’t be the first one. The Nine News reporter seemed a little flushed. And the cameraman? Well, Kaz had to wonder if he’d undone the first three buttons of his shirt before he’d come into the room—or after. Still, it wasn’t the inconceivably sexy drummer that had Kaz’s heart racing a whole lot faster than it had any business racing. It was the feel of Luke’s hand on her arm. It was the knowledge that he stood beside her. That she was with him— he’d actively sought her out. It was the glowing circle of scarlet that encapsulated both of them. Jonah saluted Luke, showing he’d heard and understood, and the reporter checked her watch. “Five minutes,” she promised. Luke gave a short nod and backed Kaz out of the room. The door was closed behind them. Luke signaled to someone standing a couple of meters away, introduced him as the organizer of the Australian leg of the tour, and asked the man to please knock on Jonah’s door again in five minutes. When they were alone, he gave her his full attention. “There’s time for one more question before we go into the next suite.” Kaz swallowed. Standing on the receiving end of Luke’s attention was a heady sensation indeed. It caught Kaz in her belly and tugged, flipping it around as though a thousand butterflies had taken flight.
60
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Despite the swirl of color surrounding him, it was the streaks of viridian that seemed to glow especially bright now. The viridian gave her a very clear indication that Luke was experiencing emotional and mental stress. Coupled with his halo of charcoal grey, Kaz couldn’t help her concern. Instead of asking more about Sophie and Jamie, she asked something way more personal. “Are you okay?” He blinked. “Pardon?” “You seem…” she hesitated, wording her thoughts carefully, “…well, a little tense.” He looked perplexed. “I do?” Kaz reached up with her free arm and ran a gentle hand over his temple. Was it just her imagination, or did sparks flare where she touched him? “You have tiny lines here. Stress lines. They made me wonder.” That wasn’t strictly the truth. It wasn’t the lines that made her wonder. Luke narrowed his eyes in surprise. “You picked up on that?” “I did.” Kaz didn’t explain about the colors. People tended to look at her funny when she spoke of auras. “Are you? Okay, I mean?” He gave her a careful half-smile then shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m fine, but thank you for asking. It’s the concert and the interviews. Things can get…demanding at times.” Oh, she had no doubt Luke’s job was demanding. She also had no doubt that whatever worried him had nothing to do with work. He was the kind who thrived under pressure. No, whatever had upset him was deeply private. Too personal to talk about with a woman he’d only just met. No matter how powerfully the waves of attraction flowed between them. “Ready to go in? There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
61
Jess Dee
Luke was ready. He shifted on his feet, telling her there would be no more personal questions anytime soon. “Someone you’d like me to meet?” “Uh-huh.” Luke smiled, knocked once, and the door was opened. He nodded at the security guard and led Kaz inside the hotel suite. She knew she should take time to look around, appreciate the luxury of the room, the understated opulence of the décor. But her gaze was snagged by Jordan Speed, and she couldn’t see much of anything else. Jordan. The band member who made her stomach flutter. “Time’s up,” Luke said pleasantly. Jordan pressed his hands to his knees, pushing himself up. He stood there, all loose-limbed and sexy-like with a sleepy smile on his face. Unlike his brother, who fairly smoldered sexuality, Jordan’s appeal was more understated, less inyour-face. Warmth seemed to flow from him, sweeping from one side of the room to the other, encompassing Kaz in its openness. But it wasn’t just the warmth that drew Kaz. It was the soft glow of color that surrounded him. So completely different from Luke’s, yet no less striking in its beauty. Pale blues mixed with orangey red hues telling Kaz this was a man attuned to the world around him. His crimson vibrations suggested he had a natural creative streak, while she knew from the salmon pink he’d found his true vocation in life. Lucky Jordan. She was still searching. The straw yellow around his head might have worried Kaz under other circumstances, suggesting he was one to wile away his hours in useless fantasies. But combined with the iridescent green that spoke of friendliness, reliability, open-mindedness and that bone-deep attunement to the world around him, Kaz
62
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
simply got the sense Jordan was a natural-born dreamer. A man who immersed himself in the wonder of all the endless possibilities that surrounded him. There was so much more she saw in him, so much more she would have liked to read—especially the carmine red that was becoming so familiar—but a disappointed voice cut into her thoughts. “Well, that’s a pity,” a woman said. “We were only just getting started.” “Thirty minutes, max,” Luke said. “I know.” The woman smiled. “I’d just hoped for more.” Kaz blinked as recognition hit her. She hosted one of the big breakfast radio shows. Luke’s smile was genuine. “When it comes to Speed, everyone hopes for more.” Jordan walked from the sofa he’d been lounging in to the armchair where the woman sat in a few graceful, somnolent steps and extended his hand. She took it, both to shake and to pull herself up, and seemed reluctant to release it afterwards. Kaz could relate. She suspected if she had Jordan’s Speed’s hand in hers, she’d never want to let it go. It was only after Luke had escorted the radio broadcaster to the door and the security guard had led her from the room that Jordan turned to Kaz and smiled. It was a languorous smile that reached right through her skin, heating her all the way down to her toes. Between her unexpected reaction to Luke and the shock of being in a room with Jordan Speed, Kaz was a bubbling mass of hormones. Aroused, horny hormones. “And who do we have here?” Jordan asked of Luke. “This is Kaz—Karen—Flaherty. Kaz, meet Jordan Speed.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
63
Jess Dee
Jordan again stuck out his hand, this time to her, and Kaz had to focus all her attention on ensuring her arm didn’t tremble as she extended it. His palm touched hers and then her hand was in his, his skin warm, his grasp firm. Kaz tried not to act awed and overwhelmed. She tried her damn best. Honestly. But…but…but…Jordan Speed was shaking her hand. The same Jordan Speed who she had secret sexual fantasies about. Yes. That Jordan Speed. His long, slim fingers were clasped around hers. They held her so intimately she could feel the calluses on his fingertips and the life pulsating through his skin. “It’s real good to meet you,” Jordan said. Kaz opened her mouth but nothing came out. How could it? She’d lost her voice. Lost her words. Whatever was left of them stuck in her throat, refusing to be dislodged. And to make matters worse, her heart was dancing a rapid twostep. Jordan was exquisite. Taking into account his creative silvery grey glow, she might even have described him as pretty—had the unshaven cheeks and lean, hard body not made him all man. He had a slumberous, lazy appeal to him, and Kaz knew she’d assumed right. Now that she had his hand in hers, she was reluctant to ever let go. The only thing that would make this experience perfect was if Luke returned his hand to her arm. Or maybe if he slid that hand up her arm, over her shoulder and down to her breast… An amused smile tugged at Jordan’s lips. He turned to Luke. “Does she speak, or did you simply bring her along so I could appreciate her physical beauty?” “Oh, she speaks,” Luke assured him with a laugh. “Plenty. But I figured you might appreciate her physical beauty as well.”
64
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Luke and Jordan thought she was attractive? Her knees turned weak and shivers brushed her skin. She would have swallowed down her surprise and pleasure, but the words lodged in her throat prevented anything from getting past. Instead she stared in wonder as the two men exchanged a knowing smile. No, not just a knowing smile. A private smile. An intimate smile. And for the first time Kaz noticed the room had filled with pink hues. Two different pink hues vibrating off both men, one iridescent and the other pink madder. She felt it then too, like a tangible presence in the room. The connection between Luke and Jordan. The physical, almost animalistic lust and the deep loyalty and commitment, the kind she’d only ever noticed around couples who were madly, wildly in love.
www.samhainpublishing.com
65
Chapter Five
Desire welled deep inside Seth as he stared at Luke. So did disappointment. Damn it. He thought he’d made a dent in Luke’s composure last night. Thought he’d finally gotten through, made Luke understand he intended for them to move forward. Together. Just the two of them. Or maybe Luke had understood, all too well—and so he’d pulled back completely, searching for a way to put distance between himself and Seth. Which would explain the beguiling creature in front of him. Seth stared at Luke for a second longer, just to make sure. Yeah, there it was, written clearly in his eyes. Kaz’s presence was no coincidence. Luke had known Seth would find her attractive. He’d known Seth’s thoughts would tend towards bringing her into their bed. So Luke had brought her here as a safeguard. If Kaz was in bed with both of them, Seth couldn’t get too close to Luke. Dumbass. Didn’t he know nothing could stop Seth from getting close? Even a third person in their bed. The woman whose hand lay in his cleared her throat. “Well, talk about awkward.” Red tinged her cheeks as she grinned. “Seems I just had a major fangirl moment and temporarily lost my voice. And quite possibly my mind too.” Seth grinned, taking an immediate liking to her. “No problem.” “You can blame Luke for that.” She turned to glare at him, although there was something more in her gaze than just accusation. Something that tugged at
Colors of Love
Seth’s balls and made every one of his senses stand at high alert. “I wasn’t at all prepared for meeting you.” “I told you there was someone I wanted you to meet.” Luke smiled. “Yeah, but you didn’t tell me who!” He winked at her. “Would you have liked to see a copy of Jordan’s résumé before we came in?” “No, but a little heads-up, like, ‘I’m about to introduce you to superstar and Speed member, Jordan Speed’ might have been nice. Hello?” Kaz gestured with her hands, reinforcing her questioning tone. “Mr. Struthers? I’m just a regular girl. It’s not every day I get to…to meet…famous people.” Seth’s grin grew. He liked her more and more. And her Australian accent was incredibly sexy. “But you just met Jonah, and you didn’t seem so shell-shocked then,” Luke pointed out. “Ah, but see I never actually met Jonah. We left before you introduced us. Besides—” Kaz snapped her mouth shut, looking shocked. “Besides, what?” Seth asked. “Besides nothing.” She smiled an endearingly self-deprecating smile. “Sometimes it’s better when I just keep my mouth shut.” Oh, no, Seth disagreed. He liked the look of her with her mouth open. It gave him wicked ideas about what he could put in it. He and Luke. “So, did Lucas tell you why he brought you here?” Kaz shook her head. “He had a reason for introducing us?” Seth nodded, wondering how Kaz would react if she knew the truth. “Oh, yeah. He sure did.” “And that reason is?” Kaz looked at Seth expectantly.
www.samhainpublishing.com
67
Jess Dee
“Ask him.” Seth nodded at Luke. He wasn’t about to take the heat for this. Nope. Luke’s idea, let Luke do the explaining. “Luke?” Luke’s smile was devastating. It made Seth’s stomach tighten with lust, and the smile wasn’t even aimed at him. Kaz wasn’t left unaffected either. She blinked several times in quick succession. “No reason, Kaz. Just thought you might want to meet the brothers, seeing as it looks as though your friend is going to be spending a mighty lot of time with one of them.” Seth shot Luke a look. Coward. Luke merely focused his devastating smile on Seth. “Your friend is Sophie?” Seth asked, putting two and two together. Kaz gave him a devilish frown. “She was my friend. Until she kept the fact that she was seeing Jamie a secret from me.” Seth laughed. “She didn’t know who he was, so don’t get too upset.” Kaz stared at him. “She didn’t?” “Nope, Jamie did his best to keep it a secret.” Her brown eyes widened charmingly. “Which would explain why Sophie looked so shocked when he ran onstage.” Then she screwed up her nose. “But why would he keep it a secret?” Seth raised his brow. Couldn’t she guess? Kaz held her hands open, palms up, telling him she couldn’t. “You know how you reacted when Luke introduced us?” She blushed. “Er, like a bloody idiot, you mean?” He grinned, both at her description and at the way she wasn’t afraid to laugh at herself. Luke had hit the nail on the head with Kaz. She was perfect. For both
68
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
of them. “Jamie didn’t want that kind of reaction with Sophie. He wanted her to meet the real person, not just the lead singer of a band.” Understanding flitted through Kaz’s eyes. “Do you hate it?” “Hate what?” “The awe with which people treat you.” “Hell, no.” He grinned, not wanting to embarrass her any more than she already was. “It’s great for the ego. And for my confidence.” Especially when a creature as gorgeous as Kaz was the one treating him with awe. Luke snorted. “As though you need anything else building up your ego.” “Ignore him,” Seth instructed. “He tends to get grumpy.” He took her hand and led her to the couch, encouraging her to sit beside him. Kaz looked Luke’s way, and Seth realized she found it hard to ignore him. Oh, Seth so understood. “Tell me, Ms. Flaherty, are you any good at lyrics?” he asked. “Lyrics, as in words for songs?” “Mm-hmm.” She frowned. “Honestly? I have no idea. I’ve never tried to write a song. Words aren’t exactly my forte. I’m better at reading…expressions and body language.” She was? Seth couldn’t help but wonder what Kaz had read in his and Luke’s body language. Luke stood stock still, away from Seth, his arms folded over his chest. Seth kept looking over at Luke. Would that tell her there was far more at play here than just the regular dynamics between band member and manager? He didn’t ask. Instead he hit Luke where he knew it would hurt. Luke needed to be hit. Hell, the man needed to be whacked over the head. Anything to get him to see
www.samhainpublishing.com
69
Jess Dee
the light. As tempting as a third player was in their game, and as much as Seth wanted to play with Kaz, they didn’t need her. Seth could make Luke happy all by himself—if Luke just gave him the chance. “I’ve been working on a song,” he told Kaz. “One that isn’t coming together. Maybe you can help? Work out the next line?” Kaz grinned in delight. “I have no idea if I can, but I’d love to hear the song.” Seth grinned back. Then he looked up at Luke and sang the words to him. Again. “Now, forever and always, we’re going nowhere. “Quit dreaming, coz we’re already there. “This is it, this will be all. “If you think there’s more, you’re the fool.” Luke glared at him. Seth’s heart pounded. Kaz inhaled sharply. He flicked his gaze back at her. “What do you think?” “Um…” She bit her lip. “C’mon. Out with it. Tell me the truth.” “Fine. But I’m only telling you what I really think so you understand I’m treating you like a regular person and not a rock star.” “Kaz, this evening alone, I’ve performed at a concert, been interviewed by two different radio hosts and spent half an hour with three fans who couldn’t see past the facade. I would love to be treated like a regular guy.” “I hate it,” Kaz confessed with a big gulp of air. “It’s dark. Depressing. Almost like the words are shrouded in a mist of charcoal grey.” Her gaze met
70
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Luke’s, and Seth got a strong sense she’d made a connection between the words and the man. Perceptive woman. Luke had picked up on it too. He shifted from one leg to the other, but his face remained impassive. Seth tilted his head appreciatively. “Thank you for your honesty.” “You don’t hate me for it?” “Hell, no. If anything, I hate the song. I was explaining to Luke that it just didn’t work for me. Asked him to help me see it differently.” “Did he?” Seth gazed at Luke. “He did. He has the knack. Always helps me to see things differently.” “So, you have another version?” Seth nodded. “But I’m stuck on the first verse, and Luke over here hasn’t had time to work on it further. I was hoping maybe you could help with the next one?” “Go ahead, then. Sing it.” Seth leaned forward, closed his eyes and plucked at the strings of his invisible guitar. “Now, forever and always, we have each other. “I am yours, and you’re my lover. “This is it, you have my heart. “We’ll build on it, it’s just the start.” The verse was met by silence.
www.samhainpublishing.com
71
Jess Dee
Seth didn’t open his eyes, but he knew Luke was glaring at him, just like he’d glared at him the last time he’d sung the words. With a mixture of frustration and desire and emotion Seth had not been able to identify. “When I look in your eyes, I see the sun rising. A new day on the horizon.” Seth’s eyes popped open. Kaz hadn’t sung the words. She’d spoken them, but with each syllable, a shiver stroked up Seth’s spine. He stared at her, and she stared back, seemingly as stunned as he was by her inventiveness. “More,” he whispered. Kaz’s tongue darted out to lick her lips, leaving them shiny and glistening. “Um…” It was her turn to close her eyes. Seconds ticked by, minutes. Seth sat silently, waiting. Even Luke didn’t speak. “You’ve been sent from up above, “So paint my heart with colors of love.” “Say it again,” Seth demanded. Kaz repeated the whole thing. Seth shook his head. “No. Something’s wrong. Something’s not gelling.” He had to get the words down. Had to look at them, see them in front of his eyes so he could work through them. He grabbed the first thing he could find to write on—a paper napkin from the small pile on the coffee table. Before he could scramble for a pen, one appeared in front of him. Luke. Of course. The man knew him better than he knew himself, anticipated every one of his needs. Seth almost kissed him in gratitude. Almost. But then
72
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
didn’t for fear he’d get all horny and distracted and wouldn’t be able to concentrate for shit. He jotted down the verse Kaz had just come up with. Most of it was perfect. There was just one line that didn’t work. You’ve been sent from up above. Seth drew a line through it. When it came to love, he’d given up believing in divine intervention a long time ago. If there was a God, he’d have slapped Luke on the head way back when and forced him to open his eyes to all the wondrous possibilities that lay before him if he just let Seth in. If he just shared Seth’s dreams. Then there was the last line. The bit about “painting my heart with colors of love”. Something about that line gave him the strongest sense of déjà vu. He liked it. Thought it fitted the song well, but what was it that jarred at his memory? Made him think instinctively of his grandmother? And then he gave it no more thought as the verse untangled in his mind. Yes! He had it. The third line. Seth grinned like a lunatic and scrawled down the words. Then he sang the whole verse out loud. “When I look in your eyes, I see the sun rising. “A new day on the horizon. “You’re the one I always dreamed of, “So paint my heart with colors of love.” Kaz’s eyes shone. “Perfect.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
73
Jess Dee
“Perfect, indeed.” Impulsively, Seth leaned forward, placed his hands on her cheeks, and planted a huge kiss smack bang on her lips. She laughed in delight. “What are you kissing me for, you idiot? It’s Luke you should be kissing.” “Luke didn’t help with these lines, you did.” “He gave you the pen,” Kaz pointed out. “You gave me the verse,” he pointed out right back. “Yeah, but he’s your inspiration.” Seth didn’t stop to wonder how Kaz knew that, he just went with the flow, thoroughly enjoying himself. “He is, but Luke doesn’t want my kisses, and I need to kiss someone in celebration, so you’ll have to do.” He placed another huge kiss on her lips. “Rubbish,” Kaz insisted—a little breathless. “Of course he wants your kisses. Just look at his face.” Seth looked. And there stood Luke, wearing a smug, satisfied expression. Smug? His eyes didn’t seem smug. They were dark, molten hot, filled with desire, passion and…pain? Seth blinked, taken aback, but when he looked again he saw only desire in Luke’s expression. He turned back to Kaz. “His face is telling me he wants me to kiss you. I want to kiss you too. So that’s just exactly what I’m gonna do.” This time when he held her cheeks between his palms, he didn’t smack a huge one on her mouth. Instead he slowly lowered his lips to hers and pressed them gently together. Her lips softened instantly beneath his, molding to their shape. She gave a soft sigh of surprise, and Seth took full advantage, dipping his tongue into her
74
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
mouth for a taste. He gave himself a long, lazy minute to sample the subtle taste of champagne on her breath before he pulled away. “Mmm. Nice.” His body hardened, his cock stirring to life. Kaz blinked rapidly, and once again her cheeks blushed a becoming pink. “T-tell you what,” she stuttered. “You can give me as many…c-celebratory kisses as you like, if—” “If?” Her gaze moved to Luke. “If you kiss Luke now.” Seth’s mouth twitched. This was a first. He’d never shared a woman with Luke who’d insisted the two men pay each other attention. In fact, he didn’t think any other woman had noticed what Kaz seemed to see so obviously. He grinned at her. “Okay, then. You stay right where you are. When I’m done with Luke I’m coming to claim what you promised. And when I’m done kissing you, it’s Luke’s turn to sample your sweet lips.” Seth stood, and being so close to Kaz, at this angle he knew she’d see exactly what the taste of her had done to him. Her sharp inhalation proved him correct. “I’ll be back,” he promised and turned his attention to Luke. Luke frowned at him. “Not a good idea, kid.” He crossed the room, stopping an inch away from the man he loved. “I think it’s a great idea. So does Ms. Flaherty.” “I do,” Kaz breathed, her gaze pinned on them. “I didn’t bring her here to watch us, Seth,” Luke said very softly. “I know exactly why you brought her here,” Seth responded just as softly. “And when have we ever denied a woman what she wants when she’s with us?” He inhaled deeply, pulling Luke’s scent inside, relishing it. Kaz’s kiss may have woken his desire, but Luke’s proximity tore him apart. Lust washed over
www.samhainpublishing.com
75
Jess Dee
him, hot and hard. He stepped in and pressed his mouth to Luke’s, caressing the man’s lips with his own. Lust turned to yearning. And love. And passion. Christ, he couldn’t get enough. He kissed him more firmly, hating how Luke gave just enough to satisfy Kaz’s need to see the two of them together and no more. Fuck that. Seth was having none of it. He groaned against Luke’s lips, hooked an arm around his neck, pushed his hips close and dipped his tongue in the other man’s mouth. Luke’s body was a study in rigidity. His shoulders were inflexible, his body unforgiving and his cock rock solid against Seth’s. Oh yeah, Luke may not want to give an inch, but he didn’t have a choice. He reacted as instinctively as Seth did, rising to the call of their mutual attraction. Or maybe Luke had risen to Seth’s attraction to Kaz. Didn’t matter. He was aroused, he was hard, and he was in Seth’s arms. Seth deepened the kiss, running his tongue over Luke’s, caressing it with sensual strokes. Luke growled, the sound emanating from his throat. His hand landed on Seth’s back, slamming him against his body. Luke’s other hand tangled in his hair, holding him captive, keeping his face right where Luke wanted it. Seth was trapped, caught in Luke’s embrace, and Luke wasn’t letting go anytime soon. Suddenly it was Luke kissing Seth, Luke in control. Luke’s tongue was tracing devastating circles over his, his lips searing Seth’s. The tension eased from Luke’s muscles, and he molded himself against Seth, grinding their cocks together. Fuck, when Luke took control it did Seth’s head in. Made him crazy. Made him want to rip off his clothes and sacrifice himself to Luke. He’d gladly give up
76
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
his body for the other man’s gratification, because as much pleasure as Luke took, he gave back a hundredfold. Seth would have kissed Luke forever had a strangled moan not echoed through the air. He pulled away reluctantly, hating the instant coolness of the air that wafted over his swollen lips. Luke’s breathing was unsteady, irregular. But at least he had the presence of mind to make sense of the sound and respond to it. “Kaz,” he rasped. Seth twisted around. Her face was flushed, her mouth rounded into an O. Those brown eyes were enormous, feverish even, staring at him and Luke with unsuppressed passion. “Oh, God,” she murmured. “That’s sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.” Sexy? She wanted sexy? Seth held out his hand to her, and Kaz, as though in a daze, stood up and walked over to him, slipping her hand into his. He hauled her into his arms, positioning her right between himself and Luke. And as he pulled her tight against his body, so Luke pressed into her from behind. This time when Seth’s lips touched hers, there was nothing tentative about the kiss. Kaz opened up to him, accepting his tongue with greedy enthusiasm, kissing him back with as much fervor as he kissed her. She wasn’t Luke. She didn’t demand as forcefully or need quite so much cajoling, but now that she’d opened herself up to the experience, she kissed with a vehemence that made his balls ache. Half blind with desire, he tunneled his hand in her hair, pulling it aside and exposing her neck. Her soft whimper told him Luke had taken him up on his offer. He’d pressed his mouth to the hollow between Kaz’s neck and shoulder. Seth shuddered. He knew exactly how good Luke’s mouth felt in that spot. Knew just how sharply his teeth could nip as they nibbled their way upwards.
www.samhainpublishing.com
77
Jess Dee
Knew how the hot flicks of his tongue over that nibbled flesh could spur a lover into lust-induced madness. Kaz pressed her breasts against him, and Seth was almost blown away by her softness. It had been a while since he’d wanted a woman. Since he’d wanted anyone besides Luke. He was surprised by the attraction he felt for Kaz. It was pleasant, exciting, and with Luke behind her, it was electrifying. Kaz released his mouth and pressed her lips to his chin, tracing tiny kisses down his neck. He would have murmured his appreciation, but Luke struck, taking advantage of Seth’s free mouth and smashing his own down on it. Again they were kissing, only this time they weren’t alone. This time there were three of them, and the temperature in the room skyrocketed. It was Kaz who upped the ante. Kaz who squirmed between the two men, turning around so she now faced Luke. Kaz who trailed a path of kisses up Luke’s neck to his jaw, and nudged Seth out of the way so she could kiss Luke. Seth smiled languorously. He liked this girl. Liked her sass and her humor. Liked her looks and her body. Liked her perceptiveness and instinct. And he liked the way she kissed Luke, making him pant heavily in her arms. As Seth let his hand wander over her hourglass curves, four high-pitched beeps pierced the air. Luke tore his mouth away, swearing. “Shit.” His hair was mussed, his lips red and swollen. He ran the back of his hand over his mouth as he reached into his pocket for his phone. Kaz stumbled, losing her balance as Luke moved away to read his text message, and Seth hurried to steady her, pulling her back against his front. His erection lodged sweetly between her butt cheeks, and Kaz wiggled her ass, seating him more comfortably. They both breathed heavily.
78
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
“I’ve gotta go.” Luke’s voice was little more than a hoarse rasp. “Your brother and Sophie are on their way up.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
79
Chapter Six
Luke knew his smile was tinged with pride. He’d been spot-on about Kaz. The moment he’d laid eyes on her, he’d known she was the one. The ideal woman for Seth. Pretty and feminine—all soft curves and lush roundness—smart, funny and…altogether too perceptive. She’d seen straight through his bullshit excuse about work being stressful. And she’d seen straight through his attempt to pretend that Seth meant nothing to him. How the hell had she done that? Even Seth had given no hint of their involvement, and yet she’d picked up on it. Plus, there was the fact that she’d worked out lyrics for Seth. Seriously? She could have been made for Seth. Luke hadn’t thought for a second it would be this easy to find the ideal match for Seth. He’d figured he’d need to look for weeks, months even. A part of him may have even hoped it would take longer. But he had neither the time nor the patience for that part. It was important for Seth to move on, move away from him, and Kaz was the ideal person to move with. It helped that Luke also found her damn sexy. Helped that the second he’d seen her, he’d had an overwhelming urge to pull her into bed with him and Seth. A threesome with Kaz appealed to no end. Luke was convinced it would be hot, arousing and satisfying.
Colors of Love
But a threesome was not all he looked forward to. He also anticipated the day he could withdraw from Seth and Kaz. Leave them alone together. Give them some privacy to… Christ. It hurt to say. Hurt to think. Some privacy to fall in love. His gut twisted. Who the fuck was he kidding? The thought of Seth falling in love with someone else made Luke physically ill. Made him want to throw up. But this wasn’t about Luke. This was about Seth and about freeing him from a man who was likely to hurt him. From a distance he watched Kaz speaking with Nathan and Sophie. Watched Seth approach them, his gaze on Kaz. When Luke had left the room to meet Nathan and Sophie at the elevator, Seth had escorted Kaz back to the party. “To be continued,” he’d promised Kaz. “Just as soon as Luke is free again.” Kaz watched Seth approach, a slight tremor shaking her body. Then she turned and looked Luke dead in the eye. The heightened color in her cheeks and the way she licked her lips told Luke she was more than ready to continue now. So was he. The quicker he got Seth and Kaz naked and comfortable with each other, the quicker he could leave them alone. Or maybe, the quicker he got them naked, the quicker he could find his own release. Because God knew he needed release. Needed to come so bad he about bust a nut. Watching Seth kiss her had been a turn-on. Kissing Kaz himself had gotten his blood pressure up to dangerous levels. But kissing Seth in front of Kaz? Christ, he’d nearly lost control there and then. No, the truth was, the quicker he got them naked, the quicker he could be inside Seth again. This was one part of the plan he liked altogether too much. The part that gave him permission to sleep with Seth without feeling guilty. Yes, it was for a
www.samhainpublishing.com
81
Jess Dee
limited time, just until Seth and Kaz were happy to be alone together. But at least Luke wouldn’t have to try to pull away from Seth like he usually did. Nor would he have to berate himself when he failed to pull away like he always did. Kaz said something to her friends, disengaged herself from their crowd and with a pointed look at Seth, made her way over to Luke. She reached him before Seth did. “Now you listen up.” She stood on tiptoe to whisper fiercely into his ear, “I have no idea what happened earlier, and I have no frame of reference with which to try to understand it. I am way out of my natural element here, drowning a little, actually. But I swear to God, if you don’t get me out of this room now and pick up where we all left off, I am going to…” She broke off as dramatically as she had spoken. “You’re going to what?” It was Seth who asked. He now stood close enough to hear every word. She blushed scarlet. “Don’t be shy, sweet pea,” Luke encouraged. “Tell us what you’re going to do.” She looked around, eyeing the crowds of people nervously, then shook her head. “Not in front of all of these people.” Seth raised an eyebrow at Luke. “Your room?” Luke shook his head. His room was full of memories of him fucking Seth. Him making love to Seth. And since he and Seth wouldn’t be making any new memories alone together, he kind of wanted to hold those ones close to his heart. “Yours is nearer.” It wasn’t until they were safely locked away in Seth’s suite that Luke demanded, “What are you going to do, Karen, if we don’t pick up where we left off?”
82
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Kaz squared her shoulders and looked at them with passion-drunk eyes. She didn’t answer his question, but her response was just as satisfying. “Do you blokes have any idea how fucking sexy you are together? How arousing it is watching you? God, one kiss between you, and I’m more turned on than I’ve ever been in my life.” “What has you aroused?” Luke asked. “The fact that Jordan and I kissed, or the fact that we both kissed you?” Kaz whimpered. “Both,” she whispered. “Please. Do it again.” Seth didn’t wait for specifics. He swooped in and kissed her again. Kissed her the way Luke loved being kissed by him. He ravaged her mouth, fucking her with his tongue, giving her no chance to think or catch her breath. He just kissed her until she trembled helplessly in his arms. And then he handed her over to Luke. She attacked his mouth with a vengeance, kissing him as deeply as Seth had just kissed her. Seth came from behind, wrapping his arms around her, cupping her breasts with his hands. She moaned against Luke’s lips. Her tongue stroked over his as Seth unbuttoned her blouse and disposed of her bra. She ate at Luke’s mouth hungrily when Seth ran his thumbs over her distended nipples, and she moaned helplessly as Seth tugged at Luke’s shirt, shoving it way up high so Kaz’s breasts pressed into his chest. Kaz bucked against Luke, arching into him, rubbing her groin against his rigid member. Oh, Christ, that felt so damn good. Then it was Luke kissing Kaz as Seth teased them both. Scraped his nails over Luke’s nipples then soothed the burn by cupping her breasts and sweeping
www.samhainpublishing.com
83
Jess Dee
them over the tender spots. Her nipples were hard buds that inflamed and aroused. “Touch them,” Seth whispered as he released Kaz. Luke took her luscious breasts in his palms—at the same time as Kaz found his nipples with her thumbs and forefingers, and tweaked them. The pressure against Luke’s cock eased slightly when Kaz moved her hips away. No, not Kaz. Seth. His hands were on her waist, moving her hips as his fingers worked their way around her jeans. The soft rasp of sound told him Seth had undone her zipper, and the way Kaz shifted against him hinted that her pants were being pushed down. And then Kaz stiffened in his arms and broke the kiss as she cried out. Luke gazed at her lustfully. Kaz’s head was now resting on Seth’s shoulder, her lips parted, her eyes closed. She panted softly, sexily. Seth’s arm was wound around her waist, his hand invisible below the line of her panties. A sensuous smile played on Seth’s lips, and he rubbed his cheek on Kaz’s dark hair as he stared into Luke’s eyes. So deep, Luke thought for sure Seth could see right past all his bullshit and into the most secret part of his brain. Impossible. He’d hidden his secrets too well for Seth to ever see them. “Should we tell him, Kaz?” Seth asked in a gruff voice. “Should we let him know how wet you are, how much our kisses turn you on?” Kaz shifted against Seth. “Sh-show him.” Seth grinned and removed his hand from her panties. Kaz cried out, shuddering against him. He raised two glistening fingers to Luke’s gaze. Luke swore under his breath and grasped Seth’s wrist. He waited a second, two, until Kaz opened her eyes, and when she did, when she looked at him with
84
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
passion-glazed irises, Luke brought Seth’s hand to his mouth and sucked those fingers inside. They tasted good. Salty, musky and creamy all at once. They tasted familiar, like Seth, like years of lovemaking and raw fucking. Yet they tasted sweet too, unknown, exciting. “Oh, God.” It was Kaz who moaned, Kaz who couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away from Luke’s mouth. Luke laved Seth’s fingers clean, then released them inch by inch. “Put them back inside her, kid.” Seth needed no instruction. Already his hand was stroking over her belly, slipping beneath her panties. Much as Luke wanted to see everything, watch Seth slide his fingers inside Kaz’s pussy, her panties hid his view. He could see nothing but the outline of Seth’s hand against the material. “Oh, God, please,” Kaz begged. “Please, what?” Seth asked. “P-please… Just…kiss him already.” Suddenly Luke was hungry, starving for a taste of Seth. He stepped forward, squashing Kaz between them, clasped his hand behind Seth’s head and crushed his mouth to Seth’s. Seth’s tongue met his in greedy welcome, and Luke could focus on nothing but the sensation racing through his heart and the feel of Kaz pressed against him. Her breasts were once against squashed to his chest, and her hips ground into his. Between those hips, though, it wasn’t Kaz’s mound he felt. It was the rhythmic movement of Seth’s hand as he fingered her. It rubbed against Luke’s erect cock, driving him crazy each time Seth pulled out of her pussy then pumped back inside. It was almost as though Seth were using his hand to fuck them both at the same time.
www.samhainpublishing.com
85
Jess Dee
“Sexy,” Kaz whispered. “So bloody sexy.” A hand feathered over his cheek. A soft hand, with smooth fingers and long nails. That same hand traced a line around his and Seth’s lips, as though sharing in their kiss in the only way possible. Seth broke the kiss just long enough to dart his tongue out and lick the finger, and then he was kissing Luke again. Luke would have stopped to treat Kaz’s finger to the same care, only he didn’t have a chance. Kaz suddenly went rigid. Her breath caught and her hand fell away from Luke’s face. “Oh, God, yes!” Her cry filled the room. Trapped between himself and Seth, with Seth’s hand in her pussy and Luke’s mouth fused to Seth’s, Kaz came.
It took long moments for Kaz to float back to earth. Long moments until her heart stopped racing and her breathing normalized. “Oh, my,” she murmured. “I haven’t come that hard in a very long time.” Luke raised an eyebrow. “You done for the night?” She laughed languidly. “Oh, no, Lucas. I’m just getting started.” Jordan trailed a path of light kisses up her neck. “You came pretty quick for someone who’s just getting started.” “Mmmm,” Kaz agreed. “I told you. Watching the two of you together is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” “You ever seen two men together before now, sweet pea?” Sweet pea. Luke seemed to have given her a nickname. She shook her head. “You two are my first.”
86
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Her head spun. Jordan Speed had just fingered her until she’d come. He’d also shared several red-hot kisses with Luke Struthers. Jordan Speed and Luke Struthers. It wasn’t possible. Hell, it wasn’t even probable. How on earth did she ever get so lucky? “’S’funny, y’know,” she told them. “Just last month I was stuck in a relationship with a man I no longer wanted to be with. And now I’m standing in a luxury hotel suite with the two wicked-hot men, praying to God they show me the kind of sex I’ve always fantasized about.” “And what kind of sex have you always fantasized about?” Luke asked. “The hot, dirty, no-holds-barred kind.” “And does that no-holds-barred kind include two men fucking you at the same time?” This from Jordan. “It used to,” Kaz whispered. Her face flamed, but she didn’t care. Now that she was living her fantasy she wasn’t about to hold back. Not on anything. “I once thought that would be about the kinkiest thing I could ever do. But now I know I’m wrong.” “There’s something kinkier?” Jordan asked. “Oh yeah, Jordan. There’s something way kinkier.” Luke stroked his finger over her cheek and around her lips. “Tell us about it.” Kaz breathed in jerkily. “Well, Luke, I now think the most erotic thing I could ever experience is…” “Is…” Jordan prompted. “Is if you, Jordan, fucked me, while Luke fucked you.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
87
Jess Dee
And with those words, Kaz said goodbye to every last inhibition. If she could confess that out loud to two virtual strangers, then she could do anything with them. Besides, it might seem dumb, but they didn’t feel like strangers. Kaz was comfortable with them. Okay, maybe comfortable wasn’t the right word, since rampant desire and raw, untamed lust didn’t really make for a comfortable sensation. But she trusted them both, knew they meant her no harm, only pleasure. It was the glow in their auras that reassured her, that told her no matter how much they loved each other, they both experienced the same magnetic attraction towards her that she felt for them. There were so many other colors she saw as she looked at them, so many intense, complex hues—not least of which the carmine red which pulsed around both Jordan and Luke, but honestly, she was too saturated with pleasure and passion to look into them too deeply. For now, she wanted only to feel. To escape. Her life outside of this suite was complicated, needed fixing. Just for tonight, she didn’t want to think about that. Didn’t want to work on her problems. Just for tonight she wanted to take the escape route Jordan and Luke so generously offered. “Jordan,” Luke said. “We may have a problem.” Kaz’s heart stuttered. “What’s that?” Jordan asked. Luke let his gaze sweep over her body and catch on the jeans that perched on her thighs. “The woman has too many clothes on.” With a soft laugh, Jordan stood behind her once again and finished undressing her. Kaz squirmed under his ministrations, her desire climbing once more. Jordan undressed himself. Kaz couldn’t see him, but she heard the dull thuds as his shoes hit the floor and saw first his T-shirt and then his jeans being
88
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
tossed aside. She was amazed she’d even taken notice of those details, because Jordan wasn’t the only one stripping. Luke was ditching his clothes too, and Kaz’s throat ran so dry she feared she’d never swallow again. The man was beautiful. Built like a tennis player. Muscle rippled along every inch of his flesh. His long, hard legs sported powerful thighs, and his washboard belly and chest and chiseled arms made Kaz squirm with the need to touch him. She figured he could pick her up without breaking into a sweat. Jordan took her hand and led her to the bedroom. Naked, he was just as beautiful as Luke, but so very different. He was leaner in build, although his arms and shoulders had exquisite muscle definition, and while he didn’t tower above her like Luke did, he was still tall enough to make her feel petite and feminine beside him. Again the word “pretty” came to mind, but it was hard to think of a man with such a magnificent erection as pretty. Her heart thumped as Jordan lay her down on the enormous bed, her head resting on the pillows, her legs spread wide before her. Anticipation made her shiver. Sex with Martin had always been okay, nothing too exciting, though. Several times she’d have gladly foregone making love in favor of sleep. But she’d lived with the eternal hope that if the two of them became closer physically, she’d fall as deeply in love with him as he had with her. She never had. Which was why when he’d proposed to her last month, the only answer she could give him was no. Kaz wasn’t interested in falling in love now. Not with Luke and Jordan. No, they already had love, a strong bond between them she took great joy in observing.
www.samhainpublishing.com
89
Jess Dee
She didn’t want marriage proposals or promises of forever. What she wanted was to spend the night lost in the arms of these two men, caught up in the beauty and sensuality of their love for each other. She wanted to be fucked long and hard and thoroughly, until she was so satiated with pleasure she couldn’t move. And then she wanted to watch Luke fuck Jordan until they were equally satisfied. And if it all happened at the same time…even better. As Luke removed lube and condoms from the bedside drawer—ah, yes, practical, in-control Luke—Jordan knelt between her legs, lowered his head, opened his mouth and licked her from her pussy lips all the way up over her clit and back down again. Kaz almost shot off the bed. Almost. But nothing would stop her from indulging tonight. So she held her body right where it was, stretched her legs a little wider to give him better access, and lay back to enjoy the sight of Jordan Speed going down on her. For long seconds, oxygen seemed elusive. Superstar Jordan Speed licked her pussy—hers—while Luke Struthers watched him. It was surreal. Incredible. It was also outrageously carnal, and Kaz struggled to think of Jordan as a rock star. She was beginning to view him as an ordinary guy. Okay, well, a cute-asanything ordinary guy who made her body weep with excitement. If anything, it was Luke she struggled to relate to as ordinary. He was anything but. Perhaps it was because he exuded such energy and confidence? Perhaps because he kept himself at a slight distance? Or maybe it was the buttercup yellow that surrounded him, telling her that while his body might be fully attuned to the goings-on in the bedroom, his mind was focused on something else as well. A major issue or course of action he wished to take.
90
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
He was a little too removed emotionally from what she and Jordan were doing for Kaz’s peace of mind, so she crooked a finger at him. “Come over here, Mr. Struthers.” Luke shot her a wicked grin. “Come over there…or come over you?” The smile was so seductive, a wave of liquid heat filled her pussy, and Jordan moaned as he licked at her. “Over here,” Kaz corrected. “And don’t waste your time coming over me. Save it all for Jordan.” She flashed him a wicked grin right back. Luke tossed the condoms on the table and climbed onto the bed. On his knees, he straddled Kaz’s chest, his back to Jordan, his cock straining up to meet her lips. “Would you like that? Seeing me come on Jordan?” Her breath caught. “I-I’d love it. Almost…almost as much as I’d love seeing you come inside Jordan.” Technically, she wouldn’t be able to see much, but the thought of Luke climaxing while he made love to Jordan made Kaz tremble violently. “I’d like to see what my cock looks like slipping in and out of your mouth.” “It’ll look good,” she promised. “Really good.” She opened her lips to him and swept her tongue across the head of his cock. Mmm, salty, hot and spongy. She swept her tongue along his length. Just as hot and salty, but not spongy. Uh-uh. His skin might be silky-soft, but his shaft was hard as steel. She sucked the tip between her lips and lowered her mouth down his length. “Oh, yeah.” Luke groaned and thrust gently, seating himself deeper in her mouth. “That does look good.” Seth dug his fingers into her thighs and licked a little harder. Wow. Just…wow.
www.samhainpublishing.com
91
Jess Dee
Kaz could happily have remained like that for an eternity, with Luke’s delicious member in her mouth and Jordan’s skilled and tender tongue seducing her. Jordan kept her desire at fever pitch without sending her over the edge. She suspected that had he wanted to, he could have taken her to that edge in seconds. She gave as much attention to Luke as Jordan gave to her, sliding her mouth up and down his shaft, sucking in her cheeks to intensify his pleasure and rolling her tongue around its tip when she could. Both the giving and receiving were wantonly satisfying, but they weren’t enough. She could see nothing but Luke’s hips and groin and feel nothing but her own growing bliss. As alluring as the sight was, and as delightful as the sensations Jordan’s tongue inspired were, she wanted…more. For all of them. She released Luke’s dick with a soft, wet slurp and tugged at Jordan’s head. “W-wait,” she whispered hoarsely. “’S’not fair.” “What’s not fair?” Luke stared down at her with dark, amorous eyes. “’S’not fair to Jordan. He’s licking me, I’m sucking you, and no one’s paying him any attention.” Jordan swept his tongue over her clit, making Kaz squeal. “I’m just fine here. Having myself a good old time.” He suckled her nub for emphasis. A jolt shook through her body, but she held firm. “All together,” she demanded, although talking was difficult. She didn’t want to talk. She wanted to busy her mouth with a giant helping of hard penis. “All together?” Luke asked. “Mm-hmm.” Kaz nodded. “All three of us at the same time.” Taking control, she nudged Luke off her, tugged Jordan onto the bed, and with a bossy, greedy smile, weaved their bodies into an intimate triangle.
92
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Luke and Jordan indulged her every whim, twisting themselves exactly as she insisted, until they’d formed a triangle so daring and so appetizing it made her mouth water. Not quite a sixty-nine, she thought with satisfaction. More like a…nine hundred and sixty-nine. If Kaz wasn’t quite so aroused, she might have taken the time to be stunned by her audacity. But she didn’t want to think now, she wanted to feel. Wanted to taste Jordan’s cock while he sucked off Luke. She raised her leg a little higher, so Luke could run his tempting tongue from her slit to her clit. All three lay on their sides, and Kaz could not contain her hunger as Luke’s marauding tongue licked her from the inside out, making her head swirl and her muscles tremble. She couldn’t contain her fascination either, watching carefully as Jordan closed his lips over Luke’s cock and Luke emitted a soft, breathless growl. If the men kissing each other had been a turn-on, Jordan blowing Luke was off-the-scales arousing. It wasn’t just the stealth of Jordan’s actions that held her rapt. It was the look on his face and the pink madder that glowed around him. He wasn’t just doing this for the sexual gratification. He made love to Luke’s cock because he was madly in love with the man. Just like Luke was madly in love with him. She mimicked Jordan’s actions, sucking his dick into her mouth, releasing it slowly and then sucking it in again, just like he did to Luke. When Jordan tilted his head to the side, so did Kaz, and to her surprise she found she could swallow him down a little deeper. Physically, Luke gave Kaz everything. Hard as she tried to ward off a second orgasm, she fought a losing battle. Jordan’s mouth looked too tempting, Luke’s
www.samhainpublishing.com
93
Jess Dee
cock too delicious, and Luke’s mouth was merciless, wrenching as much bliss from her as possible. More than should be possible. Her pleasure heightened as she surged towards her peak. Luke removed his tongue from her pussy but kept his mouth pressed against her. “Seth.” His voice was muffled, and the vibrations of his words against her lips echoed all the way through her belly. “Get ready. You need a condom. Now.” Kaz’s clit swelled. Her inner muscles clenched in anticipation, and she vaguely wondered why Luke had called Jordan Seth. “She’s gonna come, kid.” Lord, was Luke ever right. She was going to come. Especially if he kept talking against her pussy lips. Jordan gave Luke’s dick one last, loving lick before he sat up. He tried to pull away from her too, but Kaz wasn’t so quick to release him, grumbling her discontent around his length. She wanted him in her mouth, wanted the zesty essence of his precome on her tongue. Wanted the climb to her climax to go on forever. Jordan just chuckled and reached behind her, stretching over her head. The tip of his dick slid down her throat, and she moaned. What if she sucked him a little harder, tightened her cheeks around him like a velvety, moist glove? Would he come? Just like this? And then Luke wiped her thoughts clean. He used his thumbs to open her up like a flower, pressed his tongue firmly against her slit and laved her with such tantalizing rhythm and pressure, Kaz could no longer hold back her pleasure. She came with a loud cry. Sensation crashed through her, hard and fast and endless. Her inner muscles shuddered and clenched, and pulses of sheer bliss
94
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
throbbed through her clit. Her jaw slackened around Jordan’s cock, and he slipped out of her mouth. Kaz lost the skill and dexterity to balance on her side. She fell to her back with Luke’s face still buried in her pussy. Sweet heaven, that tongue. Those lips. They wrought an orgasm second to none. As she continued to convulse, shudders sweeping over her, Luke replaced his tongue with his finger, gently stroking her clit as he pulled away from her. It was almost unbearable. Almost more than she could stand, and she would have pushed his hand away if he hadn’t spoken. “Now, kid. Take her, while she’s still coming. Make love to her, so you can feel her clamping around your cock, milking your balls.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
95
Chapter Seven
Seth sank into her creamy depths. Her pussy was so well lubricated from his and Luke’s mouths, and from two orgasms, he slid all the way inside her with one firm thrust. Ah, fuck. Luke had been right. He’d chosen the perfect time for Seth to take her. Her walls clamped down around his shaft, clasping him in a hold so tight they almost wrenched an instant orgasm from him. “Christ, Kaz, you feel so damn good.” Even through the condom her heat suffused his cock. “Jordan.” She bit her lip and looked up at him blindly as he stretched over her, aligning his chest with her breasts and supporting himself on his arms, one placed on each side of her head. “Right here, Kaz.” He stroked into her slowly, using all his strength to push through those grasping muscles. “Jordan…” “I got you. Just relax into it. Let me in.” He didn’t need to coax her. She was wide open to him, her hips already moving in time with his, inviting him back in every time he pulled out. She let out a shuddery breath. “Wh-who’s Seth?” He faltered midstroke, then caught himself and found his rhythm again. Luke. He’d forgotten to call him Jordan. In the heat of passion, he’d slipped and called him Seth.
Colors of Love
What the…? Luke never slipped. Never. “I am. Seth’s my real name. Seth Pace.” As soon as he said it, he knew he wanted Kaz to know it. “Then Jordan…?” “Just a stage name.” She wrapped her legs around his waist, tilting her hips and giving him easier access. “Seth.” “Yeah, sweet pea?” Luke’s name for her, but he liked it. She shook her head sensually. “Nothing. Just tasting your name on my lips.” “Rather taste me on your lips.” He dipped his head and kissed her. She kissed him back ravenously, sucking on his tongue, running hers against it, groaning rapturously as he thrust into her. “Mmmm, I taste Luke on your lips.” “And?” Seth stared into her brown eyes. “How does he taste?” “Delicious.” She smacked her lips together in appreciation. “Now taste me,” she instructed Seth. Once again he dipped down to kiss her, but she stopped him by digging her feet into his back. “Taste me on Luke’s lips.” Seth smiled and turned with expectation to look at the man he loved who lay beside them on the bed. It was only then he realized Kaz’s hand was wrapped around his cock. Lucky Kaz. He wanted ownership of that cock. “Lucas?” Luke looked at him with heavy-lidded eyes. “Let me taste her on your lips.” Luke edged forward, and then Seth was kissing him, or he was kissing Seth. Seth couldn’t really tell. He just knew that as he plunged into Kaz’s hot, tight
www.samhainpublishing.com
97
Jess Dee
channel, his mouth was consumed by Luke’s. They shared a kiss hot enough to blow the roof right off this hotel. “My turn,” Kaz insisted, breaking through Seth’s feverish haze. With reluctance, Seth released Luke’s mouth, freeing it for Kaz’s pleasure. And she helped herself gluttonously, licking into Luke’s mouth, inviting his tongue back into her own. And all the time, she stroked her palm over his cock, pumping him and tracing the drops of precome on his cockhead with her thumb. When the kiss ended, she breathed his name. “Luke.” “Yeah?” She looked at him with eyes hazy with lust. “Is that your real name?” Luke nodded and swayed his hips in time with her hand. Seth slowed his tempo to their rhythm. “Here’s what I don’t get.” Kaz furrowed her brow. Luke kissed the furrows. “What don’t you get?” “Why you’re lying next to us on the bed, when you could be behind Seth, making love to him, right now.” A hot chill raced up Seth’s spine, and he lost his beat for a few seconds. “Because Seth’s making love to you,” Luke explained, “and I don’t wanna interfere with that.” Kaz shook her head fiercely. “First of all, Seth and I aren’t making love. We’re fucking.” She shot Seth a brief look, asking for his agreement. He nodded, although fucking Kaz was intense and hot and made his balls hard as freaking stone. “And secondly,” Kaz said on a breathless whisper, “if anyone’s interfering here, it’s me.” Both Seth and Luke opened their mouths to object, but she shushed them. “It’s true. I’m invading on your time together.” Then she smiled, pulled her
98
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
pussy muscles tight around Seth’s cock and rolled her hips, making Seth buck violently against her. “But that doesn’t mean I plan on leaving anytime soon. So, Lucas, why don’t you do what you want to do, what Seth wants you to do and what I want to watch you do, and make love to him while he fucks me?” Seth’s blood ran hot, cold, then hot again. He stilled inside her and grinned. “You know, sweet pea, Luke isn’t one to take suggestions when it comes to sex. He likes to be in control.” Kaz’s eyes darkened and she moaned out loud. “God, Seth, he will be in control. He’ll hold the reins over both of our pleasure. If he takes your ass while you’re in my pussy, it’ll be like he’s fucking us both at the same time.” Fu-uck. The thought drove Seth wild. Made him plunge into Kaz repeatedly, with deep, long strokes that made him crazy. “Lift up your hips, Kaz,” Luke instructed. His expression was fierce, hungry. Kaz raised her hips off the bed. Seth climbed onto his knees, giving her more room to maneuver, but he didn’t stop fucking her. As Luke placed first one and then two pillows under Kaz’s ass, Seth kept stroking into her. The pillows helped, tilting her hips up and letting him seat himself deeper inside her. It also made him change position, holding his own ass in the air. Seth smiled with a kind of savage satisfaction. Many times before he’d been on his knees with his ass in the air. Many times Luke had positioned him just so. He knew what was coming, and it sent a fresh rush of blood to his cock. Luke may have brought Kaz into bed to distance himself from Seth, but there was no way the man could maintain his distance once he began making love to Seth. Kaz had to slam her mouth shut so she didn’t beg Luke to hurry.
www.samhainpublishing.com
99
Jess Dee
Oh God, he was going to do it. Going to take Seth’s ass while Seth fucked her. His actions were measured, slow and almost intolerable. For Kaz, anyway. Couldn’t he just lose that momentous control and give himself over to the moment? Did he have to take his time rolling the condom onto his glorious cock? Or spreading lube down the length of his shaft with his strong hand? No, wait, she liked watching him lube up, liked seeing the powerful strokes of his hand over his erection. Almost as much as she enjoyed watching him kneel behind Seth. The mattress dipped as he took his position, but not as much as her stomach did when he poured another glob of lube on his fingers, showed it to her, and then slid those same fingers right between Jordan’s—er, Seth’s—butt cheeks. He held her gaze the entire time. Kaz shivered in delight. So did Seth. Or maybe it was more of an ecstatic shudder that vibrated through him. Seth slowed his thrusts as Luke played with his ass. Kaz couldn’t see what Luke did, but she could feel Seth’s reaction, could see the way his muscles rippled around his shoulders and hear the way his breath changed, slowed, became heavier. Her breathing changed accordingly, and her pussy filled once again with her juices. “Luke.” There was wonder in Seth’s tone and just a hint of pleading. Luke smiled then. Not a smile he shared with her. More a smile of satisfaction. Seth’s reaction was exactly what Luke sought. Luke shifted, straightened his back, and from this angle, Kaz could just see that his fingers were no longer in Seth’s ass, they were wrapped around his shaft as he lined himself up. Luke pushed once, and Seth gave a carnal groan.
100
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
He pushed again, a little harder, and the breath left Seth’s mouth in a soft whoosh. “Seth…fuck!” Kaz watched spellbound as Luke sank into Seth. There it was again. The blinding hue of pink madder radiating from both of them. The iridescent pink broadcasting their feelings for each other. She held her own breath, utterly overwhelmed by the depth of emotion in the room. She’d never been loved the way these men loved each other, never felt passion as feverishly as they did. For long seconds, she soaked up their love, relished it, savored it. It warmed her very soul to see them together, to know they’d found each other. Seeing them joined like this, Kaz had no doubts. They completed each other. Each made the other whole. It was beautiful. Sacred. It was breathtaking. Which made the charcoal grey spreading around Luke that much more disturbing. It ripped into Kaz’s heart, shredding it, making his despair hers. What could be so devastating that at a time like this, when he and Seth were closest, depression wrapped its dark mist around him? Kaz ached for him, ached for his pain. She reached for his hands where they gripped Seth’s hips and placed her own over his, offering him comfort. Offering anything he’d take. His gaze met hers, and for a brief, unguarded moment she saw desolation in his eyes. And love. And determination. And then he swept his eyelids down, blocking her out, closing himself off to her. His face creased in rapturous pleasure, and Kaz knew he was lost to sensation, lost to the joys of Seth’s body. Kaz herself had trouble keeping her eyes open. Every time Luke surged into Seth, Seth’s cock plunged deeper into her body. She’d been right. It was like
www.samhainpublishing.com
101
Jess Dee
Luke was fucking both of them, setting the tempo, increasing the urgency, feeding the flames that flared so brightly. Kaz clasped her hands around Luke’s and around Seth’s hips, and she held on for the ride of her life. As Luke pistoned into Seth, so she snapped her hips up to meet Seth’s thrusts. She’d never been filled quite so fully, never had a cock reach so deep inside her. Her inner walls swelled with blood, making each thrust a caress of exquisite torture. She was no longer solid or whole. She was made up of millions of particles joined together by nothing more than silken threads of ecstasy. Already her body had indulged in two mind-bending orgasms. Another could not possibly be in reach. But as Seth slammed into her one more time, and his body rose up in undisguised euphoria, Kaz knew she’d misjudged her abilities. Seth broke, his cock pulsing in her pussy as he came. And came and came. The sensation was maddening, stimulating, heavenly. She could no more prevent the climax that swept over her than she could prevent her next breath. Carried away on a tide of blinding exhilaration, she heard rather than saw Luke finally lose his iron control. His hoarse cry echoed through the room, followed by the heartfelt groaning of one word: Seth.
Long moments later, Luke rolled over and looked at Seth and Kaz. In a low, throaty, voice, he murmured, “I have an idea.”
And that was how, less than twenty-four hours later, Kaz found herself backstage at the first Speed concert in Melbourne. She pinched herself once or
102
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
twice, just to make sure she wasn’t dreaming, but Luke only laughed at her and told her to sit back and enjoy the show. It still blew her mind that she’d agreed to Luke’s suggestion, but somehow, when she’d seen the way the carmine glow and the buttercup yellow halo intermingled with his charcoal-grey aura, Kaz knew she’d agree to anything he suggested. That carmine glow—the same glow nature had been sending her way for days—was the sure sign change was coming. The buttercup yellow told her Luke had found a way to effect that change. He had a plan, he was determined to see it through, and somehow, her being in Melbourne was central to that plan. Although she’d had fears about the cost of joining Seth and Luke in Melbourne, Luke had assured her they’d organized a charter plane, so there would be no flight costs, and he’d hinted accommodation would be no problem either. For privacy reasons, the band had taken over an entire floor in the hotel, so yes, there were rooms to spare—if she wanted her own. Kaz suppressed a smile. She’d accepted her own room but somehow doubted she’d sleep in it. As they’d let themselves into Seth’s hotel suite, and Kaz had realized the full implications of her being there, she’d looked at Seth, just a little horrified. “Ohmygawd. Does…does this make me a groupie?” “Well, let’s see.” Seth had looked at her with a deadpan expression. “You’re a Speed fan, right?” “Right.” She’d nodded. Daft question. She was a bigger fan now than she’d ever been. “You’ve slept with me, a band member.” His blue eyes danced with humor. Blue eyes. Not green. She’d discovered Seth wore contacts when he performed. “Yes…”
www.samhainpublishing.com
103
Jess Dee
“You’ve slept with Lucas, the band manager.” “Um, yeah.” “You’ve followed us from Sydney to Melbourne.” “Uh, not followed, exactly,” she’d been quick to correct. “I came with you, at Luke’s invitation.” “You’ve thrown your panties at me while I was onstage.” “I have not,” she’d gasped on a laugh. “The closest you got to my panties was when you removed them.” “You did drugs with us both before you seduced us.” She’d placed her hands on her hips. “I had a sip of champagne before I even met you.” She’d poked her finger in his chest. “And need I remind you, you were the one who kissed me first.” “And now you’re trying to get into Nathan’s bed. Uh-uh. Don’t deny it. I see the way you’re looking at him.” “But…but he’s not even in the room.” She’d snorted then. Get into Nathan’s bed? The same man Sophie had confessed to being insanely in love with? Yeah, right. Seth had nodded seriously. “Definite groupie symptoms, I’m afraid.” Her sigh had been dramatic. “So, now what? It’s time to track down Zachary so I can have my way with him?” “If you can track him down. So far, no one’s been very successful with that. But there’s also Delilah and Divine, our back-up singers. You know you have to give them a go too, to really qualify as a groupie.” She’d tapped her finger on her lips, getting right in with Seth’s teasing. “Well maybe I will,” she’d said. “Maybe I’ll give them both a go, at the same time.” She liked Seth. Very much. The two of them saw eye to eye. They understood each
104
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
other and definitely had the same sense of humor. Never mind the whole sex thing, given a little time, the two of them could become good friends. “Or maybe,” Seth had suggested as Luke closed the door, giving the three of them privacy, “you can give Luke and I a go at the same time instead.” Kaz had regarded him severely, even as her heart had thumped and her pussy filled with liquid heat. “I guess it is my role as a groupie.” Seth was already unzipping his pants. “You know, as band manager and band member, we also have roles when it comes to groupies,” he’d told her. Kaz had stepped closer. “And those roles are?” “To always keep our groupies happy.” “So, you’ve had a lot of groupies, the two of you?” Unable to resist, she’d wrapped her hand around Seth’s cock the minute he’d freed it. “Hundreds,” Seth answered. “Maybe even thousands.” She’d turned to Luke. “Has a groupie ever tried to give both of you a blowjob at the same time?” Desire had flared in Luke’s eyes. “Not a groupie, no. But I tried once. Failed miserably. Almost gave myself whiplash.” Luke had kicked off his pants. He’d made his way to meet them in the center of the loungeroom, and Kaz’d slid to her knees and buried her face in Seth’s groin, inhaling his musky scent. Luke had pressed up close to Seth. So close their thighs melded together, and Kaz grasped Luke’s cock in her other hand and held it beside Seth’s, skin to skin. Then she’d had to pause for a moment, because the sight before her took her breath away. She’d held two erect penises in her hand. Not one in each hand. Two in one hand. She couldn’t have wrapped her palm around both of them, their combined girth was too wide, but then she hadn’t needed to. The instant Seth’s cock touched Luke’s, the two men had ground against each other, providing the friction Kaz couldn’t.
www.samhainpublishing.com
105
Jess Dee
She’d never seen anything as arousing. Her mouth had watered for a taste of both of them. It wasn’t as if the men were gentle. No, they ground with a force that she’d thought would be painful. But from the rapturous sounds escaping them, there’d been no pain involved, only pleasure. Drops of precome had dampened the tip of Seth’s slightly curved cock—all the invitation she’d needed. She’d lowered her head and licked away the drops. And once she’d licked Seth, she could hardly ignore Luke. When she’d opened her mouth as wide as she could and taken both of their cockheads inside, swirling her tongue around them, the blood had burned like fire in her veins. She’d looked up to find Seth and Luke kissing, their mouths melded, their expressions blissful. She might have felt excluded, had Luke’s hand not found its way to her shoulder and caressed her the entire time, and Seth’s hand not tunneled into her hair, massaging her scalp. She’d given herself over to the sensuality of the moment, using her mouth when she could, her hands when she couldn’t and simply enjoying the continual heated grind of cock against cock. Seth had come first—with an erotic growl. Seth always came first, Kaz realized. Luke would not give in to his own release until he’d been assured of Seth’s. Kaz watched as he’d spurted. One, two, three streams of come shooting from his cock and landing on her hand and Luke’s shaft. Luke had followed moments later, and Kaz caught his release in her mouth. His seed mixed with Seth’s, their combined flavor bursting on her tongue, a little bitter, a little salty, a whole lot delicious. And when it had ended, neither man had wasted time treating Kaz to a similar delight. Together, they’d knelt at her feet and tongued her into oblivion. Between the combined feel of a tongue in her slit, a mouth over her clit and the tantalizing
106
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
sight of two men kissing over her pussy, she’d lasted all of two minutes before reeling over the edge.
www.samhainpublishing.com
107
Chapter Eight
The muscles in Luke’s neck seized. For the third time since the concert began, Nathan sang off key. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t missed his lead-in to the previous song, forcing the band to play the opening notes again. Or if he hadn’t refused to sing “Loving Eyes”, a ballad that inevitably brought the house down. Onstage, Seth and Zachary exchanged yet another concerned look, then Seth caught Luke’s eye, and the worry on his face told him he was just as unhappy with his oldest brother as Luke was. Nathan was off his game because Sophie had disappeared, and he’d been forced to leave Sydney without her. Although both Nathan and Luke had asked Kaz to help them track Sophie down, Kaz had refused, rationalizing that Sophie must have had her reasons for taking off. If she’d wanted to be found, she’d have contacted Nathan herself. “Luke?” Kaz’s hand found his arm now with a comforting squeeze. She’d obviously sensed there were problems. “Nathan’s fucking up the concert,” Luke growled and said no more. Kaz didn’t push him to speak further, which was just as well. He was in no mood for talk. Nor did she move her hand. She left it there, and Luke didn’t try to shove it off. He couldn’t deny he appreciated the warmth that seeped through his arm from her touch. It wasn’t Nathan’s performance or Kaz’s fierce protection of her friend that had Luke’s gut twisted in a bleeding knot. It was Seth.
Colors of Love
Seth, the kid who two minutes before the concert had started had told Luke how much he liked Kaz. How they’d already become good friends. Seth, who’d slapped him on the back and told him he’d done good finding Kaz. Luke had wanted things to work out like this. He’d wanted Seth to fall for Kaz. Truth be told, he was damn proud of his choice of replacement. Kaz was perfect for Seth, and Seth was crazy about her. Everything was going according to his plan. So why the fuck did it hurt so bad? Why did he want to clutch his chest as though someone had cracked his ribs and ripped out his heart? No one had died. No one was seriously injured. Better yet, no one was lying on the floor, a victim of Luke’s violent nature. So why did he still feel as though he was about to lose his best friend? Perplexed by his reaction to his own game plan, Luke took it out on Nathan after the concert. He told him in no uncertain terms to go the fuck back to Sydney to find Sophie, and then threatened that if he didn’t find her, he shouldn’t bother returning to Melbourne. Although Luke knew in his heart he’d given Nathan the right advice, he was disgusted with his own behavior. He’d never spoken to any of the Pace brothers like that before. Knowing the band’s reputation was at stake, Luke forced himself to get his shit together. He had interviews to manage, rides back to the hotel to coordinate and another after-party to contend with. He stiffened his spine, squared his shoulders and did his job, deliberately packing more work on Seth’s and Zachary’s shoulders. Nathan was in no state to talk to the press. While Zachary wooed fans and Seth fielded questions from Fox and ABC— with Kaz at his side as his supposed PR manager—Luke got on the phone and together with the Australian concert tour promoter, organized flights and
www.samhainpublishing.com
109
Jess Dee
accommodations for Nathan. No easy feat in a foreign country at midnight. But he did it because that was his job. And because he cared about Nathan. And because if he didn’t, he’d storm into one of Seth’s interviews, grab the kid by his balls, haul him out the room and fuck him in the darkest corner he could find. Stake his claim. Let Seth know he belonged to Luke. Always. Only he didn’t belong to Luke. He could never belong to Luke, and Luke’s devastation and inability to reel in his emotions just proved it. Luke ticked away, a time bomb waiting to explode. When he did explode, he did not want Seth anywhere near the fallout.
Seth spent the night alone with Kaz. Luke pleaded exhaustion and went to bed, alone. It was a bullshit excuse, and Seth knew it. Fingers of frustration tugged at his chest. He wasn’t any closer to realizing his dream of forever with Lucas. If anything, the dream was further out of reach than it had been before the tour began. He knew that with Kaz around there was no way he and Luke could get closer. He also knew there was no way Luke was letting Kaz leave anytime soon. Which left Seth in a quandary. He wanted time alone with Luke, but he enjoyed Kaz’s company too. Yeah, sex with Luke and Kaz was mind blowing, but it wasn’t sex he sought with Kaz. It was friendship, the strong sense of camaraderie he’d felt ever since she’d stepped into his suite in Sydney. Even now the bond between them strengthened. They sat in Seth’s suite talking. Talking—not fucking. Neither of them was in the mood for sex, not without Luke. Seth ordered an array of platters from room service and watched with a smile as Kaz tucked in.
110
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
While they ate, they spoke about anything and everything. Seth expressed his frustration about Luke. Told her how long he’d been in love with him and how much he wanted Luke to commit, but no matter what he did, Luke seemed to hold tight to some invisible barrier he’d constructed between them. Seth even admitted that he believed Luke had included Kaz in their bed play as a way of reinforcing that barrier. In response Kaz told Seth she understood more than he realized because she’d read it in their auras. Seth was justifiably perplexed, so Kaz hurried to explain. “I don’t see the world the same as everyone else does. I never have. I see it in a wash of color. When I look around, every living thing is surrounded by color. The more complex the organism, the more complex the shades that surround it. People have a…well, a rainbow surrounding them, each hue reflective of a different aspect of that person’s life. That’s how I knew you and Luke were in love. When you look at each other, or even when you’re close, it’s difficult to miss the pinks that glow from both of you.” “Pinks?” Seth said, appalled. “Couldn’t you see reds or blues? Or maybe silvers and golds?” “Pink,” she confirmed. “It tells me that you love each other. Passionately.” Seth snorted, unconvinced. “I carry my heart on my sleeve when it comes to Luke. Anyone could pick up on that. Tell me more. Tell me what else you see when you look at me.” She studied him for a long time. “You sure you wanna hear this?” Seth nodded. Kaz danced her hand over his head, as though touching something he couldn’t see. “You’re a dreamer, Seth Pace. You spend your time with your head lost in the clouds, thinking up wonderful, marvelous things that are usually impossible to achieve. Most people would stop there. Would dream the dreams
www.samhainpublishing.com
111
Jess Dee
and move on. But with you, it’s different.” Now her hand moved to his chest, and she laid it over his heart. “With you, when you dream big enough and when you want it bad enough, you find a way to make it happen.” She hesitated. “More?” He nodded. “Definitely more.” How on earth could she know all that? She ran her hand close to his cheek, but she didn’t touch him. “You have a crimson halo just here, all mixed up with a beautiful silvery grey glow, which tells me you’re creative.” She smiled. “And yes, the lyrics of your songs tell me the same thing. But they don’t give hints that you’re in touch with your feminine side. Uh-uh—” she shushed him when he would have objected, “—that’s not a bad thing. Not at all. It just means you understand your emotions better than most men do.” She waved her hand around his neck. “This royal blue tells me you’ve found your chosen path. You’re content with the way your life is going. And this carmine red hue over here?” “There’s red around my stomach?” She nodded. “Are you seeking a change of some sort? A life-altering kind of a change?” He hesitated. “Damn, you’re astute.” “No, I’m just reading your aura. Actually, this red is the reason I’m here. I’ve been seeing it all over. Seeing it in you and Luke and even in myself. It’s as if we’re all seeking out some kind of change.” “What change are you seeking?” Seth asked. She shrugged. “I’m not sure yet. I’m…a little lost at the moment. Jobless and directionless. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. Which is ridiculous. At twenty-eight I should know these things. But there you have it. I don’t. Maybe one of these days I’ll stumble across the right path.” She smiled. “How about you? You actively looking to change something about your life?”
112
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Seth nodded. “It’s like I said, I’m trying to change Luke’s approach to me. Trying to get him to commit. I’m determined, sweet pea. I want him to be a part of my life forever, you know? Not just in a professional capacity. I want him with me. Always.” And so the conversation went, long into the night. And when exhaustion took its toll, Kaz curled up beside Seth in bed, and they both fell asleep.
Luke found them like that the next morning when he came to get Seth for a meeting. He didn’t try to get into bed with them, just hurried Seth along. He no longer seemed quite as upset as he had been last night, but Kaz could see he was still conflicted and distant—and in no mood to discuss it. While Speed and Luke took care of band business—without Nathan, as he’d flown back to Sydney—Kaz took the time to wander through St Kilda, browse the stores and enjoy a laid-back lunch. She’d known all along she’d be spending time by herself. Luke had warned her about the prescheduled publicity shoots and band practices. Kaz wasn’t exactly alone. Luke had insisted Bernie accompany her “for protection”. But the man was so unobtrusive, trailing a few feet behind her and sitting at a different table, that after the first half an hour of feeling ridiculous about having her own personal bodyguard, Kaz forgot he was there. It had been ages since she’d had time out, just for herself. Work had monopolized most of her days, and Martin had monopolized most of her nights. In the time since she’d quit both work and her ex, she’d spent long hours searching for another job—to no avail. The problem was, Kaz had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. She was used to retail, having worked in an up-market dress shop for two and a half
www.samhainpublishing.com
113
Jess Dee
years. But clothes held no interest for her. She’d only stayed that long because the pay had been excellent. Kaz reckoned she was good in retail, she just wasn’t sure what she wanted to sell. Her musings were brought to an end when she stumbled upon a small NewAge store tucked away in a back street. Something about The Little Shop of Treasures made her want to walk inside, and when she did, she felt as if she’d come home. She felt as if she belonged here, as if her kilometers of walking had led her to this place. The shop was different from any she’d been in before. A delightful collection of all things alternative. A magnificent collection of crystals took center stage, calling to her from their glass display. Like colors, crystals had always spoken to her. She’d always believed in their mystical healing properties, and in fact, had numerous crystals in every room of her house. The far wall was lined with shelves, and each shelf carried the kind of books Kaz loved to read. How To See & Read The Human Aura; The Tibetan Book of the Dead; Many Lives, Many Masters; The Seat of the Soul. The shelves were filled to bursting, and Kaz ached to open one book after another and lose herself in their contents. The left side of the shop boasted aromatherapy oils and essences, natural remedies, herbal soaps and cosmetics. The right wall was covered in chakra charts, dreamcatchers, suncatchers, beaded jewelry and an array of other equally fascinating items. Kaz spent ages browsing through the shop, and before leaving she bought three books and four crystals she couldn’t not have. While paying for them, she found flyers advertising reflexologists and Reiki masters, naturopaths and homeopaths, fortunetellers and palm readers. She picked one up.
114
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
The woman behind the counter noticed. “If you’re interested, Ted reads star charts here every Thursday. I can book an appointment for you.” “He does the readings here?” She nodded. “We have two rooms upstairs we use for alternative therapies. We’re kind of known for it. Customers don’t just come in to buy our goods. They come to see the therapists too. They come for the whole mind-and-body experience.” Kaz’s pulse raced with excitement. “Would you by any chance have someone who reads auras?” The woman shook her head. “Afraid not. The closest I have is an iridologist.” Kaz thanked her for her time and left the shop, her mind whirling. Instinct told her she would never grow bored working in a place like The Little Shop of Treasures. That evening, Zachary joined her, Luke and Seth for dinner. It took Kaz a good hour to see past Zachary’s smoldering sexuality, but once she did, she found she enjoyed spending time with him. Like Luke and Seth, he was charming, funny and held great affection for Luke. He treated him the same as he treated Seth—like a brother. And after dinner, she, Seth and Luke barely made it back to Seth’s suite before they were tugging off their clothes and attacking one another in a feverish, sexual frenzy. The following day, Kaz found herself back at The Little Shop of Treasures. She spent the morning there, browsing, reading and talking to the owner. She left feeling happier and more focused than she had in a long time. She attributed it to the energy of the crystals. She always felt invigorated around them. By the time she got back to the hotel, Seth and Luke weren’t the
www.samhainpublishing.com
115
Jess Dee
only ones waiting to greet her. Sophie was there too. Tucked neatly under Nathan’s arm. Sophie and Kaz watched the second Melbourne concert together, backstage. They made use of every brief pause in the music to catch each other up on their lives since that first fateful Speed concert. Kaz would have thought her time spent in Melbourne was the most idyllic of her life, if not for one not-so-minor hitch. Luke. Every time she looked his way, his charcoal-grey halo and viridian hues seemed to grow brighter. Luke was hurting more with every passing minute, and Kaz had no idea how to help him.
“He needs you,” Kaz said with such vehemence her champagne almost spilled over the sides of her flute. “He needs to be alone right now,” Seth disagreed. They stood in the middle of a large crowd of people, whispering to each other as they watched Luke do the necessary rounds of yet another concert afterparty. “He’s in a strange mood,” Kaz observed. That he was. There was a tension about him Seth had never seen before. Luke tried to hide it. He also tried to keep his distance, but Seth wouldn’t allow him that luxury. He stuck as close to Luke as public decency would allow, and even closer when they were in private. “I don’t know why.” Frustration yanked at Seth once again. “Do you? Can you read his aura?”
116
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Kaz studied Luke for a long time. Her expression changed from perplexed to worried to sad. “I can, Seth, but there are things there I’m not sure he wants to share with anybody. And I’m not sure it’s my place to speak about them.” The frustration bit at him. “Then how am I going to know what’s upsetting him?” “Go and ask him. I told you, he needs you. Take time out to be alone with him. Help him sort through whatever’s got him this distressed.” Seth snorted. “You know that Luke never needs anyone, don’t you? He’s an island, that man.” Kaz gave him a stern look. “And you know that’s a crock of shit. That man is so crazy about you, he can’t breathe properly when you’re not in the room with him.” Seth took a step back and looked at Kaz. “Where’d you get to be so observant?” “It’s a trait I was born with. Now, go. Goodbye. Go support the man you love.” She gave him a little shove. “Pushy little thing, aren’t you?” “Go,” she hissed and turned away from him, leaving him with no choice. He made his way across the floor, offering smiles and conversation to anyone who stopped him—and a lot of people stopped him. If he didn’t give them the attention they demanded, his band manager would blow a gasket. It didn’t mean his attention wandered from Luke. Not for one second. He was aware of exactly where the other man was, and what he was doing, the entire time. “Lucas,” he said when he’d made his way to his side. “Seth.” Luke gave a short nod. “Wanna tell me what’s got your balls in a knot?” “My balls are just fine, thank you.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
117
Jess Dee
“They are, indeed. I can’t argue with that.” Seth shot him a killer look. “Perhaps I can knot them for you? With my tongue?” Luke didn’t respond, which told Seth he was in a bad way. Luke always responded to Seth’s killer looks, sometimes with annoyance, sometimes with a killer look of his own, and sometimes with a growled, “Behave.” Seth placed his hand on Luke’s shirt and smoothed it down over his chest. “What’s wrong, Lucas?” Luke jumped back as if he’d been burned. True, he and Luke didn’t often touch in public, but when they did, Luke never had such a strong reaction. “Nothing’s wrong. Now that Nathan’s back on form, everything’s fine again.” “If everything was fine, you wouldn’t be so uptight.” “I’m wound up from the concert. It’s no biggie. I just need time, is all.” Bull. Concerts never caused Luke this much stress. “I’m worried about you.” “You’ve got nothing to worry about. Just give me time to unwind and I’ll be fine.” Seth inched closer to Luke. If the dumbass thought he could deter or placate Seth, he was insane. But Luke was obviously not in the mood for talking, so Seth reached out in the only way he could. “You know I could help you unwind.” Luke snorted, but there was no amusement in the sound. “I bet you could.” “Would you like me to?” A long moment passed before Luke responded. A tense moment, filled with uncertainty for Seth. Luke’s eyes were narrowed, the brown irises almost invisible. A wealth of emotion played over his face, but for the life of him, Seth could not identify any of it. Ropes of tension knotted in his stomach. Finally, Luke nodded. “Yeah, kid. I believe I would.”
118
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
The ropes relaxed. Not all the way but enough that Seth could breathe again. “Let’s go.” Suddenly he couldn’t wait to get Luke alone. Couldn’t wait to be naked with him, just the two of them. Maybe then Luke would open up and tell him what was bothering him. “Wait.” Luke stopped him before he could march off. “What?” He didn’t want to be stopped now. He wanted to be in his room with Luke. “Where’s Kaz?” Seth gestured to where she’d been standing. “Over there. Why?” “Get her.” “Get her?” “If I’m gonna unwind, I want her there to help me. To help us both.” Seth breathed through a wave of irritation. Not at Kaz, at Luke. Seth knew he needed time alone with Luke. Kaz knew the men needed time alone together. Why the fuck couldn’t Luke see that? Or could he, and that was why he insisted on Kaz coming along? “I’ll find her,” he said. Maybe if Kaz was there, she could talk some sense into Luke. Because fuck knew, Luke wasn’t interested in listening to Seth talk. Not about the two of them. Kaz had a way with words and a deeper understanding of people thanks to her ability to read auras. Maybe if she could combine the two, she could get Luke to spend some time alone with Seth. “Give me five minutes, and we’ll meet you back in my room.” Luke checked his watch. “Five minutes,” he agreed and walked away. Seth watched him go, his body already aching for the other man. Luke moved like a panther, all sleek grace and muscled power. Seth found Kaz almost immediately. “I need you to talk some sense into Luke. Need you to convince him he and I need time alone.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
119
Jess Dee
“That you do,” Kaz agreed. “I can try, but…” “But?” “But I watched him leave the party, and I don’t think talk is what he has on his mind. Where is he?” “In my room. Come with me?”
Luke stood in the bedroom, his shirt unbuttoned and hanging loose on his shoulders, framing his solid chest. He looked at them both with raw, unbound lust. And just like that, Seth knew Kaz was right. Luke wasn’t interested in conversation. The air was heavy with a sense of expectation and a promise of sex. Or was that a threat of sex? Luke seemed volatile, almost violent. As if the smallest nudge would make him crack, go off the deep end. An excited shiver raced down Seth’s spine. How hard did he need to push to shove Luke off the deep end? The man and his tight control. He needed to let go. Lose it. He needed to expose every last bit of himself to Seth. Because only then, Seth suspected, would Luke acknowledge the depths of his need for him. Only then, when Luke had nothing holding him together, would he confess that he loved Seth every bit as much as Seth loved Luke. Luke didn’t give him a chance to push. “Strip,” he demanded of Seth as he caught Kaz’s arm and pulled her to him. “Luke,” Kaz began, but he shut her up with a feral kiss. Her clothes came off faster than Seth’s, thanks to Luke’s nimble hands. While Luke’s mouth devoured Kaz, his gaze devoured Seth.
120
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Seth stared back, trying to determine what Luke was thinking. A million emotions flickered in his eyes. Confusion, desire… Not all of them were so easy to identify. Luke was an expert at hiding his feelings. Seth kicked off his jeans and tugged off his shirt. He rolled down his boxers and exposed himself to Luke in all his erect glory. Then he took his own cock in his hand and stroked—because he knew it drove Luke insane with need. Jesus, Seth’s skin felt tight. And prickly. His cock swelled beneath Luke’s ferocious gaze. What else did he see in those eyes? Lust, for sure. Hunger. Passion. And…pain. Seth’s heart jerked. Why pain? What had happened in the last few days to make Luke so volatile and vulnerable? “Lucas—” “I need this, Seth.” Luke’s voice was a hoarse rasp. “I need to be here now, with both of you. Need to see you two together.” The desperation and plea in Luke’s voice tugged at Seth’s heart. He’d never heard him sound quite so…helpless. Or defenseless. Forget pushing him over the edge, right now Seth just wanted to hold him, ease his pain. Kaz’s hand found Luke’s cheek and stroked soothingly, making Seth wonder what she’d seen in his aura. Damn it, he wished he knew. Wished he could understand Luke better than he did. “Tell us what you need, Luke. Tell us, and we’ll give it to you,” she murmured. “Anything, Lucas, we’ll do whatever you ask.” He’d walk to the ends of the earth for this man. “I need to see you two together. Need to know I’ve done the ri—” Luke broke off and blinked hard. “Just…need…this. The two of you…together.” He
www.samhainpublishing.com
121
Jess Dee
snuck his knee between Kaz’s legs, pushing them apart. Then his knee was gone, and Seth watched in fascination as Luke fingered her. If Luke needed them both, then it didn’t matter how much Seth longed to be alone with him. The man he loved was hurting, and if being here with Kaz eased Luke’s pain, then Kaz was staying. Kaz glanced over her shoulder, looking at Seth questioningly. He nodded once. His consent was all she needed. She turned back to Luke, melded her lips to his and widened her stance with a twist of her hips. Her soft moan and Luke’s deep groan echoed through the room. Long moments later, Luke dragged his mouth from Kaz’s, removed his fingers from her pussy and spun her around to face Seth. He didn’t release her. No, he held her trapped, her back against his front, his arm crossed over her breasts, pinning her to him. He slid his other hand down her stomach, over the mound of her pussy, and stopped short at her clit. A long, breathless sigh escaped her lips as he stroked her there. “Here she is, Seth,” Luke rasped. “Ready for you. Come and get her. Take her, just like this, while I support her.” Seth’s gaze shot to Kaz’s face. He took in her dilated pupils and smoky eyes, the heightened color in her cheeks and her kiss-swollen lips. “Is this what you want, sweet pea?” She nodded. Her eyes cleared as she gazed at Seth. “It’s what Luke wants too.” “Do it, kid,” Luke urged. “Let me feel you fuck her while I hold her in my arms. Show me how much she means to you, how important she’s become in just a couple of days.”
122
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
An odd request for sure, but one Seth was in no state of mind to question. Luke wanted this, Kaz wanted this, and after watching the two of them kiss, he wanted it too. He turned to grab a condom and found a handful on the bed. Luke must have thrown them there. In seconds, he was sheathed. Kaz whimpered in Luke’s arms as his finger caressed her clit. Fuck, Seth could almost feel her wet heat from here, could almost feel the tight walls of her pussy closing around his cock. Seth sprinted to them. And as he pressed in close, Luke spoke. “Lift your leg, Kaz. Wrap it around Seth’s waist.” Seth broadened his stance, balancing himself and bringing his groin down closer to Kaz so she didn’t have to struggle to lift her leg. The change in position brought her nicely into place against him. One guided thrust, and he’d be seated deep inside. Seth almost yelped in surprise when Luke palmed his cock. Not that he didn’t like it. He did. Almost too fucking much. He just hadn’t been expecting it. “Aw, fuck, Lucas…” Jesus, the man wasn’t just playing with his cock, he was playing with his mind too. One minute he looked utterly miserable, the next he’d captivated both Seth and Kaz in his sex play. And now, without any guidance from Seth, Luke was steering Seth’s cock to Kaz’s pussy, rubbing his tip against Kaz’s clit, and then down, between her lips. Not inside, though. No, just over and over her opening, until, even with his condom on, Seth could feel her juices drenching his balls and Luke’s hand. “You ready for this, Kaz?” Luke asked as he looked into Seth’s eyes. “S-so ready.” She crooked her leg a little higher on Seth’s waist. “Kiss her,” Luke instructed Seth. “You can’t make love to a woman unless you kiss her.” “Not making love,” Kaz said. “’S’just sex.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
123
Jess Dee
“Kiss her, Seth.” Seth kissed her. Whether it was making love or sex, it was always better with a kiss. Kaz’s warm mouth met his, and she opened up to accept the invasion of his tongue. She smelled like Luke. He’d kissed her so possessively, some of his aftershave must have rubbed onto her. It spiked Seth’s desire. As his shaft swelled in Luke’s hand, Luke guided his cockhead into Kaz’s pussy, and then he pushed, firmly but gently, so Seth thrust inside her. Fuck, Luke had done it again. Taken control of every move that was made. Although Luke was still clothed, his pants not even unzipped, he was the one in charge, the one fucking Kaz—with Seth’s dick. And Seth let him. Partly because he loved it when Luke took control, partly because it felt so damn good, and partly because Luke had circled the base of his cock with his forefinger and thumb and wasn’t letting go. It felt different from anything he’d ever experienced before. His thrusts were shallow. He couldn’t reach as deep inside Kaz as he would’ve liked, but that didn’t mean it didn’t feel sensational. And it didn’t mean Kaz wasn’t enjoying it. No, the woman was panting, and Seth suspected it had a lot to do with the angle of his thrusts. Whenever he surged into her—with Luke’s help—he hit that sweet spot. Luke must have felt every action intimately. Every time Seth entered Kaz, it must have reverberated through her body and Luke’s. Every time she shuddered, she shuddered against Luke’s stomach and his erection, which Seth had little doubt stood up proud against his stomach.
124
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Kaz yanked her mouth away from Seth’s, breathing heavily, and Seth took the opportunity to swoop in and mold his lips to Luke’s. Luke objected, tried to pull away, but Seth was having none of it. Luke’s arms were both being used. Seth’s two were free, and he captured Luke’s head, holding it in place, and kissed the living daylights out of him. He kissed him so long and so thoroughly that Luke writhed behind Kaz while Seth fucked her. Kaz’s breathing became irregular, her moans louder. Her body stiffened between his and Luke’s, just for a heartbeat, and then, as Luke chased Seth’s tongue back into Seth’s mouth, Kaz exploded. Her pussy convulsed over his cock, her muscles clamping him in a vise-like grip that almost blew his mind. He too would have come then, if not for his steely will and determination. Oh, he wanted to come, all right. Wanted it bad, especially with Kaz’s pleasure rocketing through her. But like Kaz, he wanted to come with a cock inside him. Luke’s cock. Luke continued to pump Seth’s shaft into Kaz, seeing her through her pleasure. And when she finally collapsed boneless between them and both Seth and Luke caught her before she fell, Luke swore. “You haven’t come yet, kid.” “I know.” Seth placed gentle kisses along the length of Kaz’s forehead. “I’m waiting for you.” Luke shook his head viciously. Seth just nodded. “Oh yeah, Lucas. When I come, it’s gonna be because your cock is in my ass.” Luke glared at Seth. Fuck, he hated being here. Hated how much he loved it. How fulfilled he felt when he was around Seth. How happy. And how sad.
www.samhainpublishing.com
125
Jess Dee
Seth smiled, a sexy, come-hither smile that hit him in his gut and yanked at his scrotum and gave him the erection from hell. As if he wasn’t aroused enough. Aroused and frustrated and angry and tormented and lonely and hurting. And now Seth wanted him to fuck him. Seth took Kaz’s hand and led her to the bed. “Lie down, sweet pea. Catch your breath. If you relax and enjoy the show, you’ll see me come just as hard as you did in a few minutes. Luke too.” Kaz, looking just as boneless and sated as she had while standing, dropped onto the bed. She didn’t lie down, though. Not until she’d passed Seth a condom and the tube of lube. Luke chastised himself. What had he been thinking, tossing the lube on the bed like that? He’d had no intention of fucking Seth tonight. He’d meant only for Seth and Kaz to fuck. Meant for them both to gain the kind of sexual gratification Kaz had just gotten. Right from the beginning, Luke had known his time with Seth was limited, and intuition had told him tonight would be the perfect night for the grand finale Luke had planned. Kaz and Seth had bonded faster and more powerfully than he’d ever expected in such a short time. Seth was crazy about her, and she was obviously taken with him. If Luke left it much longer, the band would leave Melbourne and Kaz would entertain ideas about returning to her life in Sydney. Luke couldn’t let her go home. He needed Kaz to be with Seth, permanently. That’s why he’d planned to exclude himself from any fucking tonight. He’d planned only for Seth and Kaz to make love—not him. Meant for them to realize they were falling in love.
126
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
But no. God forbid Seth should stick to the plan. God forbid Seth should give everything he had to Kaz. He had to go and save his goddamned orgasm for Luke. Luke tried to shake off his anger. He could hardly blame Seth. The kid had no idea about the plan he should be sticking to. Luke wasn’t angry with him. He was pissed off with the world and with fate. He was furious about his past and irate about the dull, joyless future that waited for him. Christ, how could he ever survive without Seth’s love? Even now, Seth did nothing to deny that love. If anything, he was blatantly displaying his desire for Luke. He’d gone and ripped off his condom, climbed on the bed beside Kaz, and was now lying on his back, with his legs bent, pumping his cock. Lust struck so hard it made Luke dizzy. He knew he should get the fuck out of this room. Knew he should make a break for it, now, before he was tempted any further by Seth. But damn it, the kid was touching his cock and looking at him, and Luke could see glimpses of his hole, and all he wanted was to sink inside him and stay there forever. Before his head registered what his body had done, Luke’s clothes were on the floor, he’d walked over to bed, climbed on it and knelt in front of Seth. Seth grinned and tossed him the condom and lube. He didn’t let go of his cock. There’s still time to get out of here, Luke’s subconscious told him. Still time to save his soul and Seth’s. “Fuck him,” Kaz whispered, her eyes enormous as she watched them. “Fuck me,” Seth demanded, and wiggled a little lower on the bed, placing his ass on Luke’s lap and spreading his thighs wide.
www.samhainpublishing.com
127
Jess Dee
Sweating, Luke ripped open the condom package. He sheathed himself with one hand and opened the lube with other. His cock was oiled up and ready in seconds, and he shoved Seth’s legs further apart. Without waiting to see if Seth was ready, Luke hauled him up close and plunged as far inside him as he could get. Seth’s cry echoed through the room, and Luke pulled out and drove into him again. And again. And again. Until he was as deep as he could go. Until he was buried to the balls in Seth’s ass. Until he was lost in Seth’s body. Lost in Seth’s goddamned eyes. Fuck, did the man have to look at him that way? As if the sun rose where Luke knelt? His thrusts turned wild. Savage almost. He was in as deep as he could go, and still it wasn’t deep enough. Still he didn’t have full control of Seth’s body. Full ownership. He slammed into him, ground down hard, pushing in deep. Over and over. Seth’s cries should have stopped him, should have soothed his brutal movements. But they didn’t, they only inspired him. Because even if Seth did feel pain, all Luke could see in his eyes was the pleasure. And the love. And the adoration. Seth fucking loved him, and Luke fucking hated that. He hated that Seth could trust him so much, could sacrifice his body to Luke’s savage intent and still look so happy about it. So rapturous. Luke hated every emotion he saw in Seth’s eyes. Couldn’t stand to look one more second. He would have closed his eyes, but like the rest of his traitorous body, his eyes refused to stay shut, refused to look away from the man he loved. Kaz saved the day. Her soft whimper brought Luke’s attention to her. There she was, lying on the bed, watching him fuck Seth, her eyes enormous, her hand working on her clit.
128
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Oh, yeah. There was the perfect solution. Luke may not have the strength of mind to pull away from Seth now, but at least he wouldn’t have to look into his eyes any longer. With the solution Luke had just devised, at least when Seth came, he’d come staring at the body of the person he’d spend his life with. Luke held out his hand to Kaz, and she took it, blindly putting her faith in him. With a yank, he pulled her up. “Sit on Seth’s face,” he whispered. He couldn’t have spoken louder, he didn’t have the voice. Every ounce of control was taken up by holding still inside Seth while Kaz sat up. She raised an eyebrow. “He can lick you while I fuck him.” Kaz shook her head. “No,” she whispered. “This is your time. Yours and Seth’s. Not gonna come between you.” Panic flared through Luke. He needed Kaz there. Needed her to run interference. He couldn’t do this without her. He’d never be strong enough to walk away from Seth if Kaz didn’t plant herself between them at this most intimate of times. “Kaz, I need you there. We both do. Seth and I.” “You need to be alone, the two of you.” She didn’t look at him. She seemed to be looking…around him. At something near his head. And heart. Seth twisted his hips, driving Luke half crazy. “Do it,” he squeezed out from between gritted teeth. “Sit on Seth’s face.” His tone brooked no argument. Sweat trickled down his back. Christ, he needed to move. Needed to buck his hips, snap then back and forth. He needed to fuck Seth. “Now!”
www.samhainpublishing.com
129
Jess Dee
Kaz scrambled into position, straddling Seth’s face, stretching her thighs wide on either side of his head. Thank God. Now Luke couldn’t see his eyes anymore. He could see Seth’s hand as he clasped Kaz’s waist. And if he concentrated real hard, he could see Seth’s tongue as it feasted on Kaz’s pussy. But Luke didn’t want to see any of it. Didn’t want to see Seth enjoying another person. He wanted to see nothing. Nothing at all. At this point, all he wanted to do was feel. Enjoy. Make the most of it. Because after this, Luke was walking away. He closed his eyes and pistoned into Seth, hard, fast and furiously, not stopping for breath, not stopping to mop the sweat from his brow, not stopping when Seth began to stroke his own cock, matching the tempo of Luke’s thrusts, his fist hitting Luke’s stomach. He didn’t stop when Kaz cried out, or when Seth’s muffled groan rent the air. He didn’t stop when warm fluid hit his belly in wet spurts, and he didn’t stop when Seth’s ass clamped down around his cock. He stopped only when he had no choice, when his orgasm slammed through him, throwing him clean over the edge, wrenching burst upon burst of semen from his shaft. His muscles lost control, his bones lost their shape. Luke collapsed onto his side, knowing his time was up. Just as soon as he built up the physical strength, he’d walk away.
Minutes later, or maybe it was hours, he untangled himself from Seth and Kaz’s arms, careful not to wake them. Seth grunted and rolled over, pulling Kaz tighter into his embrace.
130
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Kaz burrowed into him. This was exactly how he’d found them two mornings back. Snug in each other’s arms. He spent a very long time just looking at them, looking at Seth. Even though he knew he’d done the right thing, done good by Seth, it didn’t ease his pain. Luke’s heart cracked in two, never to be whole again. Tiptoeing from the bedroom almost made him sick. His chest closed and breathing became close to impossible. Every bone in his body ached, objecting to the steps he took farther and farther away from the kid…no, from the man he loved. Seth was no kid. He hadn’t been for a very long time. And though Luke would always feel great fondness for the kid Seth had once been, it was the man he’d fallen in love with. The man he was walking away from. He’d see Seth again. Tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. He’d see him every day for the next six months. But if he played his cards right and convinced Kaz to join Seth permanently on their concert tour, a proposition he’d make to her tomorrow, then Seth would no longer try to seduce him with those irresistible baby blues of his. He wouldn’t need to. He’d have Kaz to seduce. Luke dressed methodically. Christ, he didn’t remember his clothes fitting this tightly. His shirt scratched his skin and his pants made his legs itch. His ears rang and dots filled his vision. He was a mess. A fucked-up mess. Who would have thought cutting himself off from Seth would feel like cutting off the blood supply from his heart? He couldn’t resist taking one last look. Tiptoeing back to the bedroom, he was startled to find Kaz awake. She was still tucked into Seth’s side, but she watched him with worried eyes.
www.samhainpublishing.com
131
Jess Dee
“You’re leaving?” she whispered. “It’s time.” “For what?” “For me to go.” He stared at Seth. “To walk away.” “From Seth?” Luke nodded. It hurt too much to talk. Kaz curled her hand protectively around Seth’s arm. “Don’t leave him.” He shrugged helplessly. “I have to.” “No.” She shook her head. “You have to stay with him.” “I can’t.” “Why not?” “Because if I stay, I’ll only hurt him, and that is one thing I could never do to Seth.” “You don’t think leaving him will hurt him, desperately?” He gave her a very sad, very tired smile. “Not anymore. Now he has you.” “No, Luke, he doesn’t want me. You’re the only one he wants.” And Seth was the only one he wanted. “He’s yours now, Karen Flaherty. Please, look after him. Love him the way he deserves to be loved.” Before Luke would allow her to see the tears that filled his eyes, he turned around and left the suite.
132
www.samhainpublishing.com
Chapter Nine
Seth yawned, stretched and blinked a few times. He rolled over to seek out Luke’s warmth, but that side of the bed was empty, so he stretched his arm out to take Kaz’s hand. He didn’t find it. What he did find was Kaz, looking agitated. She paced the length of the room, muttering silently to herself. Luke was nowhere to be seen. “Sweet pea?” Kaz stopped dead in her tracks. “You’re awake.” “Uh-huh.” He yawned and sat up. “What’s the time?” “Two twenty-three a.m.” “Have I been sleeping long?” “Forty-five minutes-ish.” She gnawed on her lower lip. “You wanna talk about it?” “’Bout what?” “’Bout whatever it is that has you so upset.” Kaz shoved her hand through her hair. “No, Seth. I really don’t. I want you to talk to Luke about it.” He’d never seen Kaz like this. Yes, the first time they met she’d been thrown for a loop, but that was more a matter of speechless wonder than flustered anxiety. “About what?” “About the fact that he’s walked out on you and left you to me.” Seth
stared
“Um…pardon?”
at
her,
not
quite
comprehending
what
she’d
said.
Jess Dee
“Oh, God, Seth, I’m sorry.” Her face fell. “So very, very sorry.” “Sorry for what?” A nasty sensation snuck into the pit of his stomach. “I don’t know how to say this.” “Say what?” “Luke’s gone. He…he…left.” Seth relaxed. “That’s not a problem. I’ll see him in the morning.” Luke didn’t always spend the night. “No, you don’t understand. He left you. He walked away, and I doubt he’s coming back.” “He can’t walk away. He’s the band manager.” “He’s not walking away from Speed.” She took a deep breath. “Just from you.” And there it was again. That nasty feeling in his gut. “Why would you say that?” “Be-because he told me as much.” “When?” “When I woke up to find him looking at you with so much pain and so much love, it looked as if his world were coming to an end.” Seth turned cold. “Tell me again what he said.” “He said he’s leaving, because if he stays any longer he’s going to hurt you. And…” Again she gnawed on her lip. “And he doesn’t wanna hurt you, Seth. The thought of it is just about killing him.” “And he thinks walking away from me isn’t gonna hurt?” Kaz looked at him, her eyes so sad he could barely hold her gaze. “He doesn’t think he’s hurting you this way. He—I think he believes you’ll be fine, because…” She shrugged helplessly. “Because?”
134
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
“Because you have me.” “But I don’t want you.” Shit, that came out sounding all wrong. “What I mean is, I adore you, sweet pea, you know that. But I love Luke.” “I know that, Seth. I just don’t think Luke knows it. I don’t think he understands that he’s the only one for you. That’s why he found me. To replace him in your life.” Seth stared at her, dumbstruck. “Jesus.” His heart twisted. “Kaz… Fuck.” He couldn’t say more, couldn’t think clearly. What the fuck had Luke been thinking? What had he done? “Seth?” “Hm?” “It’s time I told you what I see in Luke’s aura whenever I look at him.”
Luke blocked out every thought, every sound and every emotion. He blocked out the entire world, refusing to think about anyone or anything. The excruciating pain that crushed his chest went ignored. The inability to breathe was irrelevant. The fact that he might never feel whole again? Not important. All that mattered now was each movement, each strike, each kick, each punch, each stance, executed with flawless precision as he worked his way through every kung fu form he’d ever learned. “‘When practiced, Chang Quan should look like raging waves on a great river that follow one another endlessly, allowing for no weak points. Show no weakness, Luke Struthers. Show only determination. Flow like the river.’” His si fu’s voice echoed in his ears, relentless, commanding, unforgiving. He demanded perfection, demanded one hundred percent, and Luke gave it, lost himself to the discipline and to the art.
www.samhainpublishing.com
135
Jess Dee
Years ago, when Luke had discovered kung fu, it had been his refuge, his solace from the hell of his home life. At thirteen he’d learned to fight and to defend himself. He’d learned discipline, learned to contain his emotions so they would not overwhelm him. By seventeen he had his black belt. By twenty he was a master. He’d never let it go, never strayed from the art. Every day he trained, although training on tour, without a sparring partner, was not always easy. This, now, went beyond training. This obsessive need to lose himself in his patterns was his only salvation. Sweat, tears and lack of oxygen would not sway him from his course. He needed this. Minutes ticked by, maybe even hours. Numbers lost all meaning. It was only a very long time later, once he’d greeted the sun, stood and bowed, that the world around him came back into view. That the living room of his hotel suite became a living room again, even though the furniture had been pushed aside to give him the space he’d needed. His muscles ached from the torture he’d subjected them to, yet everything seemed sharper, colors seemed brighter, the air seemed…stiller. Oxygen was no longer elusive. Luke could breathe once again. But the pain in his heart still crippled him. “You done?” The question pierced his consciousness. When had Seth walked in? Luke centered his breathing and turned around, very slowly. There he was, the kid…the man he loved, leaning against the door, looking just as slumberous and sexy as he always did. All loose limbed and relaxed, as
136
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
though he’d just woken up. But one look into those baby blue eyes and Luke knew Seth was anything but relaxed. Or sleepy. He was alert, he was vigilant, and he was hopping mad. Luke reached out to grab a towel, wiping at the sweat on his brow. As Seth watched the magnificent ripple of muscle along his bare chest and shoulders, a verse of a lullaby his grandmother used to sing to him played in his head. Like a broken record, he couldn’t seem to stop hearing it. When all is different then you’ll see Just how strong your hearts can be Though his love appears empty She’ll change it all with colors plenty. He’d never understood it before. He still didn’t. He just somehow knew it had to do with Luke and Kaz and Kaz’s extraordinary ability to read color. “I’m done,” Luke answered. “With your kung fu?” Seth paused for effect. “Or with me?” Luke eyed him for a few seconds. “I’m done, Seth. Period. Now I’m gonna take a shower.” “No, Luke you’re not. You’re gonna stay right here, and you’re gonna talk to me. And this time, you’re not going to distract me with a woman or with sex. This time, you’re going to tell me what the fuck is going on, whether you want to or not.” He smiled grimly. “Got it?” Luke looked around. “Where is Kaz?” Hadn’t Luke heard him? Seth would not be distracted “She’s in her room. She went there when I came here.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
137
Jess Dee
“You didn’t bring her along?” “No, I didn’t bring her. Because contrary to your fucked-up belief that she’s taken your place in my life, she hasn’t. There is only one person I love, and that person is you. Not Kaz. Never was, never will be. No matter how damned hard you try to palm me off on her.” “I didn’t—” “The fuck you didn’t. You set up the whole damn thing. Brought her to meet me, then laid her out like a sacrificial lamb. What did you think, Lucas? That she and I would take one look at each other and wedding bells would ring?” Luke was all calm. “I’d hoped.” “You’d hoped?” “You need someone who can love you the way you deserve to be loved. I’m not that someone. I’d hoped Kaz was.” “That’s a load of bull, and you know it. You love me exactly the way I need to be loved. You’re just too damned scared to show it.” “Seth, I’m sorry. I’ve told you, over and over again, it’s not love. It’s sex. You just won’t hear it.” How the fuck did he do it? Keep his cool when—thanks to Kaz’s insight— Seth now knew he was anything but. Seth marched across the room and got in Luke’s face. “Wrong, baby. It’s love. You know it, I know it, and interestingly enough, Kaz knows it too. You are just too much of a shit-assed coward to acknowledge the truth.” Luke shrugged. “Call me whatever you need to. It won’t change the facts. It’s just sex.” “You love me, asshole.” Sheer frustration had Seth lifting up his palms and shoving Luke, hard. “And it’s time you faced the truth.” Luke stumbled back.
138
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Before he could regain his balance, Seth shoved him again. Twisted as it may be, he took perverse pleasure from seeing Luke off balance. “You think walking away from me isn’t gonna hurt?” Seth seethed. “You think we can both just ignore what’s between us?” Another shove. “Then you’re a fool, Struthers. A fucking idiot. You can no more ignore what’s between us than I can stop breathing, and the reason for that is you love me. Like I love you.” One more shove. “Now man up to it. For once in your goddamn life, just man up to it.” Luke found his feet. “I suggest you stop pushing me.” His voice was very quiet, very controlled. Yeah, right. Seth shoved him again, harder than before. Only this time Luke didn’t stumble. Before Seth knew what had happened, Luke had Seth’s shirt in his fist, and he was dragging him, one-handed, across the living room. Fast. So fast. Too fast for him to object. And then a thud resounded through the room, and Seth was pinned to the wall, helpless. Luke trapped him there. Wouldn’t release him. “I told you to quit shoving me,” he bit out from between gritted teeth. Seth’s heart slammed into his ribs. This was a side to Luke he’d never seen before. A side that promised violence. Luke’s eyes were tiny slits, and danger seemed to ooze from his every pore. It turned Seth the fuck on. “And I told you to man up to your emotions. Quit living in the past and face facts. You love me.” “What did you say?” “I said you love me. I’ve said it all along.” “No. What did you say about me living in the past?” Rage flared in Luke’s eyes. “I said you need to quit living in it.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
139
Jess Dee
Luke took a very deep breath. “Tread carefully, Seth. You have no idea what you’re talking about.” No, he didn’t. He was only going on what Kaz had told him. That Luke was desperately trying to escape something from his past. Something he’d never shared with Seth. “I know that you love me. What I don’t know is why you deny it. What happened to you, Luke? What scared you so bad, you’ve lost all confidence in your ability to love another person?” Luke released Seth as quickly as he’d grabbed him. He turned around, squared his shoulders and spoke without looking at Seth. “You need to leave now. You need to walk out of this room and not come back.” “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s got you all freaked out.” “The door’s right over there. Use it.” “What happened to you, Luke?” “Leave, Seth. Leave now.” Seth pushed away from the wall. “What happened to you? All those years ago. Before you met Zachary, before you met me. What made you the man you are today?” Luke’s back turned rigid. Seth stepped forward. “You might as well tell me, ’cause I ain’t leaving until I have answers.” “I have nothing to tell you.” Luke’s voice sounded odd. Lower than usual. “Now, go. Get out.” Seth knew he should leave. There were vibrations coming off Luke he’d never felt before. He also knew there was no way he could go. “You wanna hear something interesting? About the woman you tried to shove me off on? She has a gift. A special ability we never knew about. She reads auras. She can look at
140
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
someone and understand a whole hell of a lot about them, just by interpreting the color that surrounds them.” Luke remained motionless. “Would you like to know what Kaz sees when she looks at you?” He waited for a response but got none. “She wouldn’t tell me at first. Didn’t think it was any of my business. But after you left me in her care, she decided it might be better if I knew.” He walked over to Luke, touched his back. Luke shrugged his hand off, so fast, it slapped Seth on the thigh. It didn’t stop him from registering the clammy feel of Luke’s skin or hearing the ragged gasp of his breath. “She sees a desperate man, Lucas. Someone trying hard to deny his true feelings for another man.” Christ, couldn’t he react in some way? Turn around and face him? Say something? “She sees a person escaping his past, determined to rise above whatever it was that knocked him back when he was younger. She sees a man who knows no other way of protecting the ones he loves than pushing them away as far as he can get them.” Was it his imagination, or did Luke’s breathing now sound shallower? “And you know what’s interesting? Now that she’s pointed out all she sees to me, I see it too.” He stepped closer, so close his shoes touched the back of Luke’s feet. He felt Luke’s rage as tangibly as if it were a living thing. And he felt his own rage build. His own fury. “I don’t understand why you’re running from your past, Lucas. And I sure as hell don’t see why you’re hiding that past from me. I don’t get why you feel the need to deny your love, either. But you know what I’m most blind to? Understanding how the fuck you think you can substitute yourself with Kaz. ’Cause that, my friend, just makes no sense whatsoever.
www.samhainpublishing.com
141
Jess Dee
“Just how the fuck did you think I would ever let you replace yourself with someone else? How the fuck did you think Kaz would fall for that? How the fuck could you be so arrogant and so stupid as to try to manipulate both of our lives like that?” Jesus Christ, Luke’s silence was killing him. Frustrating the crap out of him. He wanted to hurt him. Wanted to hit him. Or shove him again. “You’re a manipulative asshole for pulling that stunt, you’re a faithless bastard for hiding your past, but most of all, you’re a shit-assed coward for pretending you don’t love me.” Still no response. Nothing but Luke’s rigid back and shallow breaths. Seth lost it. He lost the plot completely. “For fuck’s sake, Luke, talk to me.” With all his might, he pushed Luke, and the man didn’t move an inch. “Say something. Anything. Tell me you love me, tell me you hate me, tell me I’m wrong.” He shoved again. “Tell me nothing happened in your past that freaked you out. Tell me you’re not afraid, not damaged.” Another mighty push. “Tell me something. Anything.” Nothing. No response. “Goddamn you, Luke,” Seth roared. “You stupid son of a bitch—” Luke pivoted and took him down in one smooth sweep. It happened so quickly, Seth didn’t even realize he was on his back, on the floor, struggling to breathe until Luke shifted his knee, pressing it down on his solar plexus. His face was scarlet. Livid. With the last breath he possessed, Seth spat out at him, “You’re a spineless goddamned son of a bitch.” Something grazed the tip of his nose, air whizzed past his cheek, and Luke’s fist sank into the floor beside his face with an almighty thud. Luke roared and hit the ground again. Then again and again and again.
142
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
Seth didn’t see it. He couldn’t, not from this angle, pinned to the ground. But he heard it. Heard the pounding as Luke’s fists connected, over and over. He heard the agony in Luke’s muffed gasps, and he felt the desperation coming off Luke in waves. No, he couldn’t see colors, but he felt every iota of Luke’s frustration, desperation and anguish. He lay there and waited, letting Luke hammer the floor, letting him smash the hell out of his fists, letting him roar and swear and grunt. He lay there forever, not moving, not speaking, as Luke’s strikes hit the carpet. One hand, the other hand. One hand, the other hand. Fast, fluid, beautiful, lethal. He lay there, immobilized under his lover’s muscled frame, blown away by the fact that Luke had finally lost his cool. Lost his temper. Lost all sense of control. Seth had known him for eight years, and in all that time Luke had never come close to this kind of meltdown. Luke’s skin was no longer cold. It was hot, burning. His face looked feverish, his eyes glazed with fury and hatred. It was that hatred, and that hatred alone that instilled fear in Seth’s pounding heart. Seth could handle anything life threw at him. Anything. Except Luke’s loathing. His chest heaved, his lungs closed, and a gasp of misery escaped his mouth. Luke froze. With a fist in midair, his entire body turned rigid once again. He shifted his face to look at Seth. Really look. It took a while, as though Luke needed to clear his vision, establish what he was seeing. And then his face crumpled and horror crept into his eyes, along with dismay. “Seth,” he moaned. “Oh, God, Seth. What have I done?”
www.samhainpublishing.com
143
Chapter Ten
Luke’s hands were everywhere, on his face, his cheeks, his nose, touching his hair, his head, stroking over his chest, his neck. Gentle, so gentle. “Where did I hurt you? Where’s it sore? Where did my blows land? God, Seth, tell me, so I can make it better.” “Luke—” Luke’s hand stilled on his cheek. “Here? Did I get you here? Are you in pain?” He traced his fingers over the bone. “It’s not broken, Seth, I swear, it’s not broken. Thank God.” His voice was laced with panic. “Where else? Here?” His hand was on his forehead now, the softest caress, almost as though Luke was afraid to touch him. “Christ, baby, there’s blood. I made you bleed. I hurt you.” Blood? How on earth? And then Seth knew. “Fuck, I’m sorry. So sorry.” Luke dabbed at Seth’s forehead. Was he trying to wipe the blood away? “What have I done to you?” “Luke—” “I’ll make it better. I swear.” “Luke!” “Hospital. We’ll get you to a hospital.” “Luke, damn it, listen to me.” Seth sat up, forcing Luke to jump out of his way. “You can move.” Luke’s tone was full of relief and wonder and self-loathing. “Of course I can move, I’m fine.”
Colors of Love
Luke shook his head. “No, you’re not. You’re hurt. I hurt you.” “No, you didn’t. Look.” Seth grasped Luke’s forearm and lifted it in the air. “I’m not hurt, Lucas. You are.” A lump formed in Seth’s throat. Luke’s hands were bloodied and raw. Skin peeled off his fingers, and large scrapes—carpet burns—turned the uncut skin purple. “I’m fine, Lucas,” Seth soothed. “It’s you who’s bleeding.” Luke fell back on his haunches and stared at his hands. Just stared. For a very long time. Seth scrambled to his feet, raced to the bathroom and found two facecloths, which he drenched in cold water. Squeezing the excess from them, he raced back to Luke, dropped on his knees in front of him, and ever so lightly wrapped one hand in a cloth. “I hurt you.” Luke’s expression was a study in agony and regret. “No, you didn’t. You hurt yourself.” Seth wiped away the blood on Luke’s other hand, careful with the bruised skin. “I tried to hurt you. I meant to hurt you.” “You could never hurt me.” Tenderly, he wrapped the hand. “I know you, Lucas, and I know you could never hurt me.” “I can, Seth. I almost did.” “But you didn’t.” “It’s why I can’t love you.” Seth didn’t look up, he kept his gaze firmly on Luke’s hands. “What is?” “This. Me. I hurt people.” “You didn’t hurt me, Luke.” “I love you, Seth, and I tried to hurt you.” “No, you didn’t.” Seth didn’t react to Luke’s admission, didn’t dare. “You may have wanted to, but you didn’t.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
145
Jess Dee
“I hurt him.” “You hurt who?” “My father.” “Your father?” “I almost killed him.” Oh, fuck. Jesus. “When?” “Long time ago.” “What happened?” “He hit my mother. Again.” Seth’s heart twisted. “Again?” “He hit her a lot.” “Did he hurt her?” “Always.” Like his hands, Luke’s voice was raw. “Badly?” “Sometimes he broke bones. Sometimes he just left bruises. A few times she ended up in the hospital.” Christ. “What about you, Lucas? Did he hit you?” “Sometimes.” No. No, no, no. “Did he hurt you? Did he leave bruises and break bones?” “Sometimes.” “Did you end up in the hospital?” “Only once.” Seth couldn’t speak. Not for a very long time. He could only sit there, speechless, his heart aching for the man in front of him. “I’m just like him.” “You. Are. Nothing. Like. Him.” Luke nodded. “I use my fists, just like him.”
146
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
“You protected your mother from a violent attack.” “I left him on the floor, with three broken ribs, a broken nose, a snapped knee joint and a dislocated shoulder. And I wouldn’t have stopped. I would have carried on hitting him, only…” “Only?” “Only my mom begged me to back off. Begged me to leave him alone. ‘Don’t act like him, Luke. Don’t become your father. Don’t do this, please.’” He stared at Seth, but Seth had a feeling Luke only saw his mother. And perhaps his father, lying beaten on the floor. “I stopped, because she asked me to. But I am like him. I’m exactly like him. I proved it that day, and I proved it again today.” “Lucas…” Oh, God. Never mind Luke’s hands, Seth’s heart was bleeding, breaking for the man he loved, the man lost in his past. “What was going through your head when you hit your father?” “Just that I needed to stop him hurting my mother. Needed to stop the beatings and the abuse.” “And what was going through your head now, when you did this to yourself?” He held Luke’s hands up. “Just that I needed you to stop talking, stop pushing me, stop pressing me for answers.” He looked so bleak, Seth’s heart broke all over again. “It’s how I work. When I feel desperate. When I want something to stop. I use my fists. I stop it physically.” “You ever hit anyone else?” Luke shook his head. “So it was just your dad?” “And you.” “You never hit me.” Seth didn’t think Luke heard him. “The social worker called it the cycle of abuse.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
147
Jess Dee
“Social worker?” “The one who took me and my mom to a safe house. She told me I was a victim of the cycle. I’d been abused, learned the behavior and then grown up to become the abuser myself. She said there was…” His voice cracked. “No saving me.” Had the social worker in question been standing there now, Seth would have throttled her himself. Shown her, one on one, what violence was really about. “You didn’t abuse anyone. You protected your mother. And yourself.” “I attacked you.” “You didn’t.” Luke held up his wrapped fists. “Then what the fuck do you call this?” “A moment of weakness and frustration. A means of expressing yourself, getting rid of your anger.” “I fucking attacked you, Seth.” “No. You hit the carpet. At no time did I ever feel threatened by you. Ever.” “I crouched above you, slamming my fists wherever I could.” “You deliberately missed me with every punch you threw. Refused to let yourself touch me. You may have slammed your fists into something, but it wasn’t me. Because you are not your father. You do not hurt the people you love. No matter what the social worker told you.” “I wanted to hurt you.” “I wanted to hurt you too. Only I didn’t hold back. I shoved you and I yelled at you and I pushed you to the edge.” “I threw you to the floor. I used my kung fu skills to take you down.” “You may have taken me down, but it was not an attack. Not on me.” “I love you, Seth. God help me, I know I shouldn’t, but I do.”
148
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
“You should love me. It’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for the last eight years.” “And this is what I’ve been trying to hide from you for eight years. My anger, my violence. My propensity to hurt the people I love.” “You’re not violent. You hurt the people—the person—who hurt someone you love.” “I love you, Seth. The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt you.” “The only way you can hurt me is by turning your back on me. That’ll hurt, Luke. That’ll hurt more than your fists ever could.” Luke gave a hollow laugh. “What if I lash out again? What if I can’t control myself next time? And don’t kid yourself that everything will be fine. There will be a next time.” “I don’t think you controlled yourself this time. I think you just moved on instinct, and your instinct is to do no harm.” “Open your eyes.” Luke pursed his lips and grimaced. “I didn’t just harm my father. I deliberately attacked him. I planned the attack—for years.” “Because you went against your instinct. After all he’d done to you and your mother, you’d had enough. You had to stop it. And you did.” “I don’t trust myself with you.” “I trust you with my life.” Luke dropped his head into his hands, seemingly unaware of the wet cloths wrapped around them. “You are my life,” he whispered hoarsely. “Then stop pushing me away.” He looked at Seth. “I don’t want to push you away. Deep down, I never have. I want you by my side always. But there’s this part of me that needs to protect you, and as far as I’m concerned, the person you need protection from the most is me.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
149
Jess Dee
Seth shook his head fiercely. “I don’t need protection from you. You haven’t hurt me yet, and you won’t hurt me in the future. Two things will ensure that. Firstly, you’re not violent at heart. It’s not in your nature. And secondly, you’re too well trained to ever lose control that way. Too disciplined by your kung fu to ever strike out with the intention to harm—unless someone you care about is in danger.” Seth was under no false illusion as to how important Luke’s kung fu was to him. He’d watched him train. Seen how many hours he spent each day honing his art. “I joined the school to learn how to fight, Seth. To learn how to defend myself. I joined so that one day, when I’d learned enough, I’d be able to protect myself and my mother from my father.” “See? That just reinforces my point. It’s not in your nature to attack instinctively. You had to learn the art. And along with learning the art of fighting, you learned the art of control. And that you never let go of, not even in the heat of the moment.” Seth took a deep breath, and then tried to put in words what he knew in his heart. “Lucas, stand back for just a moment and look at yourself. Look at who you were and who you are now. Look at what you’ve done and what you’ve achieved, and tell me if you’re leading the life of a man who damages what he loves.” Luke breathed softly. “I don’t damage what I love because I keep it at a distance.” “You love Zachary. He’s your best friend. You’ve never kept him at a distance and you’ve never hurt him. What about your mother?” Luke eyed him warily. “What about her?” “Do you love her?”
150
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
“Of course.” He sighed. “But it’s a complicated relationship. That love’s mixed up with so many other emotions. Pity, anger, frustration, guilt, shame.” “Whatever emotion you feel for her, have you ever hurt her?” “Christ, no.” “What about Nath and the rest of Speed? You love them all. You’ve put your heart, your life into the band. And you’ve never once hurt any of them. Quite the opposite. If anyone has a problem, they come to you. You sort it out. Because that’s what you do. You help the people you love.” “It’s my job to help the band.” “But that’s not why you do it. That’s not why you sent Nath back to Sydney to find Sophie, for example. You sent him back ’cause Nathan was hurting, and you couldn’t bear to see him in so much pain.” “I sent him back because he fucked up the concert and put Speed’s professional reputation in jeopardy.” “So caring for him and ensuring his happiness had nothing to do with it?” “Maybe.” Luke shrugged. Seth saw straight through his studied nonchalance. Luke’s affection for Nathan had everything to do with it. “Damn it, Lucas, you’re looking at this all wrong. You’ve convinced yourself that love makes you weak. That when you love someone, you hurt them. But you don’t. You only hurt them when you don’t let yourself love them.” Luke looked at him, despair in his eyes. “Love makes you strong, Lucas. Love’s made me strong.” Luke flashed him a shadow of a smile. “Love’s made you into a dreamer.” “I only lose myself in the dreams that are worth dreaming. And you’re my biggest dream of all.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
151
Jess Dee
“I can’t dream those dreams with you, Seth,” he said despondently. “As much as I want to, I don’t know how.” “I don’t want you to dream the dreams. That’s my job. Your job is making my dreams a reality.” “And how exactly do you propose I do that?” “It’s easy. To start with, all you need to do is love me.” “I do. I love you so damn much I ache from it.” “Then we’re already halfway there.” “You make it sound so easy.” Luke shook his head. “But what about the other half?” “The other half we have to work at. We have to commit to being together, to making ‘us’ work. We have to give it everything, the two of us. Together. Which means just the two of us. No more third parties. Just you and me.” “I want that, Seth. So damn much I can almost taste it.” “Then we can have it, Luke.” “What if next time I lash out, I hit you?” “What if just for now, you put as much faith as I have in you, in us? I trust you, Luke. I know you won’t hurt me. Now trust yourself.” “You’d take that risk? You’d put yourself in that kind of danger just to be with me?” “The only danger is a life without you. And that I never, ever want to face.” “I love you, Seth.” “Then prove it. Let go of your past and your fears and be with me. Only me.” Luke nodded. Slowly. “Help me?” “Always, Lucas. Now, forever and always.” And then Seth kissed him.
152
www.samhainpublishing.com
Chapter Eleven
“You sure you have everything? Your suitcase? Your ticket? Your passport?” “Seth, stop worrying. I have everything I need, and I don’t need a passport to get back to Sydney.” “You sure you wanna leave? You don’t wanna stay on, tour Australia with the band?” Kaz smiled patiently. “I’m absolutely sure. This is your life. Not mine. I loved sharing it for a while, but it’s time to go home now.” They stood outside the lobby of the hotel, surrounded by a loose circle of massive bodyguards who stood a short distance away, ensuring their privacy. “Damn it, sweet pea.” Seth pulled her into his arms. “I know you’re itching to get started with your life, but I’m going to miss you.” “I’ll miss you too.” She hugged him tight. Seth was right, she was itching to start her new job—as co-owner of the brand-new Sydney branch of The Little Shop of Treasures. A branch where she not only intended to sell crystals and books and offer alternative therapies, she planned to offer herself for reading auras. Because the bottom line was, she was damn good at it. And her ability to read colors could help people. It had helped Luke and Seth find their way to each other, and it had helped her find what she’d been looking for. A job she eagerly anticipated, and more importantly, direction in her life. “Shift over, Seth. Give someone else a chance to say goodbye.” Seth released her—reluctantly, she guessed by the length of time it took him to let her go—and she turned to Luke.
Jess Dee
She gasped. “Well, will you look at that.” “Look at what?” Luke asked. “Your aura.” “Did it vanish?” “No, you big idiot.” She let her gaze wander around his halo of color. “It’s beautiful. Really beautiful.” “Don’t tell me. It’s filled with sparkly silvers and golds that glitter in the sunlight.” Kaz shook her head with a smile. Even when he teased her—and he teased her a lot about her ability to read auras—he was utterly charming. “It’s filled with maroon, a color I haven’t seen in you before. And the charcoal grey that used to lie here?” She waved her hand around his head, down over his chest and close to his legs. “It’s all gone.” “What does that mean?” It was Seth who asked. “It means Luke’s found a new direction in life. One that empowers him. Makes him happy. It means that the dark cloud of gloom that hung over him for so long is gone. It means he’s finally stopped fighting the inevitable and accepted the path his life was meant to take.” “Nah,” Seth disagreed. “I think it just means he’s still on a high from the blowjob I gave him in the shower.” Kaz laughed out loud. “You’re incorrigible.” “I am. Now say goodbye to Lucas, so I can give you something.” Kaz stepped into Luke’s arms for the last time, careful not to touch his bruised hands. There was nothing sexual in his embrace, there was just an enormous amount of gratitude and affection, and Kaz hugged him just as tight as he hugged her. “You know,” he said into her ear, “it’s not every day you meet someone who has the power, or the balls, to change your world.”
154
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
“Are you suggesting I have balls, Mr. Struthers?” “I know for a fact you don’t. No, I’m saying you changed my world. And for that I will be forever grateful.” “Hey, you changed my world too. Without you and Seth, I’d never have found what I was looking for. So believe me, mate, I am just as grateful.” “You know if you ever get bored selling colored rocks to strangers you can always come join us on tour? Be with people who love you?” “And you know if you ever accidentally step off your new path and lose your way, I can always help you find it again?” “I know you can.” He kissed her forehead. “And I’ll hold you to it. If I ever need to.” “Just love him, Luke. Love him with everything you have, and I promise you won’t need my help again.” “I do, sweet pea. And I will. I’ll love him with everything I have.” Luke released her with a smile. Bernie packed Kaz’s belongings into the boot of a sleek black Mercedes that idled beside them and held the door open for her. She thanked him and climbed inside but stopped Bernie before he could close the door. “You have something to give me?” she asked Seth. He nodded and crouched down beside her. “When I was little, my grandmother used to sing me a song. She sang it often, like a lullaby.” He reached into his back pocket and withdrew an envelope. “I never understood it back then. I never understood it as an adult, either. It’s only since you stepped into my life that it finally makes sense.” Seth opened the envelope and took out two sheets of paper. “Would you believe me if I told you the song was about you?” Kaz laughed. “No. Your grandmother doesn’t even know me.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
155
Jess Dee
“That’s what makes this song so amazing. She never met you, and yet she knew all about you.” The way he said it told Kaz his grandmother was no longer alive. He handed her a sheet. “Read it.” Kaz did. To have it all you’ll need to wait Until the day that seals your fate While dreaming big may be your trait Others may not share your faith. When all is different then you’ll see Just how strong your hearts can be Though his love appears empty She’ll change it all with colors plenty. “Seth?” She looked at him, agog. “Your grandmother wrote this?” He nodded. “Prophetic, huh?” “Oh, my God. That’s insane.” “She was right, sweet pea. You changed my life. And Luke’s. You used your colors to do that.” “It was my pleasure.” “No, it was our pleasure,” Seth corrected. “There’s something else I want you to have.” He handed her the second sheet of paper. She glanced down at it. Another song. This one familiar to her. It was the first two verses of the song she’d helped Seth with. “It’s your song. The one you wrote about Luke.” “Actually—” Seth grinned, “—it’s your song now.” 156
www.samhainpublishing.com
Colors of Love
“What do you mean?” “Did you see the title?” Kaz shook her head. “Well, look.” She did, and there, on the top of the page, italicized and underlined was the name: “Kaz’s Song”. “You’re naming it after me?” she asked, breathless. Luke grinned over Seth’s head. “Wait ’til you hear the name of the new album Seth’s working on.” “You’re working on a new album?” “On the lyrics. And these two songs—” Seth gestured to the sheets, “—are going to be the first two we release. I wanted you to have them. Both of them. Because they belong to you as much as they belong to us.” Two songs, handwritten by Seth. Kaz knew exactly what she’d do with the pages. Frame them and hang them on the wall in her new shop. “Thank you, Seth, I’ll treasure them always.” Seth stood and closed the door as Bernie climbed into the front, next to the chauffeur. The car started. “Wait,” Kaz cried. She lowered the window and looked out at the two men standing on the footpath. “You never told me what you’re calling the album.” Seth just grinned at her. It was Luke who answered. “The only thing we could possibly call an album after meeting you, sweet pea. Colors of Love.”
www.samhainpublishing.com
157
About the Author
Apart from her family and friends, Jess Dee loves two things: romance and food. Is it any wonder she specializes in dee-liciously sexy romance? Jess loves hearing from readers. You can email her at
[email protected] or find her at www.jessdee.com.
Look for these titles by Jess Dee
Now Available: The Tanner Siblings Photo Opportunity Ask Adam Circle of Friends Only Tyler Steve’s Story A Question of… A Question of Trust A Question of Love Fire Winter Fire Hidden Fire Three of a Kind Going All In Raising the Stakes Full House Bandicoot Cove Anthology Exotic Indulgence Island Idyll Speed See You in My Dreams
Print Anthologies Risking It All Three’s Company Red Hot Winter
Coming Soon: Bandicoot Cove—The Wedding: Afternoon Rhapsody Print Anthologies Three of a Kind Tropical Desires Red Hot Weekend Bandicoot Cove: The Wedding
Every girl’s fantasy…one woman’s dream.
See You in My Dreams © 2011 Jess Dee
Speed, Book 1 Sophie Butler is sure she’s about to lose her much-needed cleaning job. She’s not only walked in on a guest—a violation of her employer’s cardinal rule—but she can’t seem to tear her gaze away from his gorgeous, naked-as-the-day-hewas-born body. If all that isn’t bad enough, her usually sensible judgment and behavior are clouded by a nagging sense of familiarity. She knows the man from somewhere, she just can’t quite place him. Nathan Pace is certain he’s just lost his jealously guarded anonymity. But hold on…if she’s just another fan looking for a piece of his alter ego, rock star Jamie Speed, why is she blushing six shades of scarlet? And why is he instantly aroused? When he catches a glimpse of her eyes, he knows. She’s the woman who for ten years has haunted his dreams. The attraction that flares between them is undeniable—and unstoppable. But getting close means risking Nathan’s secret identity. Just this once, he’d like a woman to fall for the real man, not the press’s version of a celebrity superstar. Warning: This may be an erotic contemporary romance, but it does contain a hint of fantasy. And when that fantasy involves erotic dreams about a gorgeous rock star, you know you’re gonna want the fantasy to become reality… Enjoy the following excerpt for See You in My Dreams: Nathan’s legs buckled beneath him. He collapsed into the heated water with a mighty splash.
It took several minutes for his erratic heartbeat to normalize. He’d gone from zero to a hundred and back in a matter of minutes, and he had not a drop of energy to spare. Sophie had utterly depleted his reserves. Heart still pounding, he looked at her through the steam rising between them. She sat opposite him with a smug, satisfied grin. The ends of her wavy blonde hair trailed in the water, and her cheeks had turned pink from the raised water temperature. His initial assessment of her had been spot-on. She was absolutely beautiful. “That was…” His voice came out all croaky, and he cleared his throat and tried again. “That was unbelievable.” Hands-down the best blowjob he’d ever received. She smacked her lips together as though tasting something in her mouth. Him. “You liked it?” The mischievous grin was back. “You have no idea.” The words sounded like sandpaper scraping against a wooden surface. Sophie shivered. “Are you cold?” he rasped. Her high, pert breasts floated in the water, the nipples puckered into hard beads. Slowly she shook her head. “Not cold, no.” She closed her eyes and rested her head against the edge of the tub. “It’s your voice. God, Nathan. Just listening to you talk turns me on.” Her answer caught him in the chest and his heart stumbled over a beat. “It does?” “Whatever you say, I feel it on my skin. At the coffee shop, your words were like hot honey running down my neck.” Her breathing slowed. “Lying on the couch now? I asked questions just so I could hear you answer. If we hadn’t just had sex, I’d have been totally aroused. And now, after you’ve come…your voice
sounds…feels like a million silky fingers roaming over my breasts and my stomach…and lower.” One of her hands hovered in the water, and she dragged her nails across her nipples and moaned. “Your voice feels like the first flutters of an orgasm.” Nathan watched, speechless. For the life of him, he could not think of one single response. It wasn’t as if he’d never heard a compliment about his voice before. Hell, his entire career revolved around his vocals. It was the way Sophie said it. As if his voice alone could bring her sexual fulfillment. She caressed her breasts without opening her eyes. “Talk to me, Nathan. Say something. Anything.” Still he stared, dumbstruck. Watching her stroke herself was possibly the sexiest thing he’d ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Her arm stilled. “Nathan?” “No,” he objected. “Don’t stop. Let me watch you touch yourself.” Sophie let out a small moan and pinched a nipple between two fingers. Nathan swallowed. “Do you have any idea how much of a turn-on that is?” “What?” Sophie whispered. “You,” Nathan whispered back. “Pleasuring yourself to the sound of my voice.” “Do you have any idea what a turn-on your voice is?” Sophie asked. “Show me.” Nathan bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted to touch her almost as much as he wanted to watch her. “Move your hand lower.” Sophie froze. “Don’t stop, sweetheart. Listen to me. Move your hand lower.” Ever so slowly, Sophie complied. She dropped her hand from her breast to her stomach.
“Lower still.” Nathan stared through the water at the distorted image of her hand. “Run your fingers over your clit.” Sophie shivered. Her shoulders tensed. Water rippled around her chest. He couldn’t see clearly through the steam, but the sharp hiss of air through her teeth told him she’d found what she sought. “Now stroke it,” he told her. “Using just your finger, stroke it in tiny circles. Lightly. Don’t apply any pressure.” Sophie’s lips parted slowly. “Mmmm.” “Keep going. Keep rubbing it, sweetheart.” “Keep speaking, Nathan,” she begged. Anything. He’d do anything to ensure she didn’t stop. “You look so damn beautiful sitting there. I’ve already come twice, and I swear I’m getting hard again. It’s you, Sophie Rose. You bring out the beast in me.” She whimpered. “Press on your clit a little harder,” he said. “Move your finger a little faster.” Again tiny ripples of water flowed around her. “Imagine it’s my voice touching you.” “It is,” she murmured. “Your voice is echoing right…through me. Right through…my pussy.” Nathan bit back a groan. His balls tightened painfully. Fuck, he couldn’t handle another erection. Not this soon. “It’s not just my voice on your pussy,” he told her. “It’s my mouth too. I’m running my tongue over your clit. Licking your swollen flesh. I…I can’t wait to lick lower, to taste your juices as they spill out between your legs.” The ripples turned to small waves as her arm moved frantically below the surface. “Nathan…oh, God…”
Fuck. So much for avoiding another erection. “Is it happening? Are you feeling the first flutters of orgasm?” She let out a strangled gasp. He was at half-mast and growing every minute. “Look at me, Sophie Rose. I want to see your eyes when you come.” Sophie opened her eyes and stared at him wildly. Yes. Exactly how he’d imagined them. Exactly how he’d seen them…in his dreams. “Let go now. Let the pleasure roll through you. Let it overcome you.” He waited a heartbeat and then whispered, “Come for me, Sophie Rose. Come to the sound of my voice.”
When the cameras stop rolling, the real scene begins.
Spice and Smoke
© 2012 Suleikha Snyder To their adoring public, Avi Kumar and Trishna Chaudhury are Bollywood’s sweethearts. Behind closed doors, their open marriage lets them freely indulge in all manner of forbidden passions. The arrangement suits them both, but as they begin filming on the set of their new movie, the heat of new and rekindled flames singes the pages of what they thought would be a fresh script. When costars Michael Gill and Harsh Mathur arrive on set, the sexual temperature goes up exponentially—at least for Trish. She can’t take her eyes of Harsh, for whom she’s carried a torch for years. Avi’s instant attraction to Michael, however, bounces off Michael’s solid wall of resistance. Meanwhile, ex-boyfriends Vikram Malhotra and Sam Khanna, cast as fictional enemies, are finding it harder and harder to control the very real demons that once cost them the love of a lifetime. Once the music starts, though, they all have no choice but to dance. And pray the fallout doesn’t ruin all their careers…and destroy their love. Warning: This book contains gay and straight sexytimes, smoking, drinking, references to drug use, and a gratuitous musical number involving The Beatles. Enjoy the following excerpt for Spice and Smoke: The ceremonial coconut shattered into pieces against the floor of the dais, and flashbulbs popped in tandem, capturing the auspicious sign that everything beyond the film’s first shot would be a success. Trishna tried not to shade her eyes from the glare, focusing on a spot on the far wall of the set. Cracks spiderwebbed out from a hole, and if she were to squint—which she wouldn’t, because
she’d look half-blind in all the photos—she would probably see a tiny lizard peering out from the gap. A “tamasha”, Avi had called it when they readied themselves this morning. Noise and silly business. “Hollywood films don’t have a muhurat,” he’d complained, finishing tying his tie and then moving on to helping her with the draping of her sari. “You know what else Hollywood films don’t have, big shot?” She’d undone his tie, shoving him backwards towards their bed. “You.” Avi had tangled one huge hand in her hair while his other unwound her sari, leaving her in nothing but blouse and petticoat. Silk pooled to the floor at her feet, like the softness already gathered between her thighs. If they were ten minutes late, so be it. The tamasha would wait. Sure, The Raj was Govind Joshi’s baby, his latest historical blockbuster, but only when she and Avi had signed on had the real buzz begun. They were Mumbai’s newest power couple, Bollywood’s sweethearts despite being so very spicy. They hadn’t done a film together since their marriage six years ago, and it was a coup to get them to sign on for Joshi’s project. So if that meant delaying the first shot…which was just an establishing interior of the old palatial mansion anyway…then the whole crew would just have to deal. Their fashionably late, and slightly mussed, entrance had only been marred by one thing: two stragglers who had come even later. Trish’s gaze flickered across the stage, where Harsh Mathur and Michael Gill were shaking hands with the music director. Avi’s hand tightened in hers, his thumb tracing filthy words on her skin. It was a trick he’d perfected over the years, smiling beatifically while spelling out, “I want to fuck you” against her palm or her wrist. Only this time, it wasn’t “I want to fuck you”, it was, “I want to fuck him”.
Him. Michael Gill. A model-turned-actor, he was half-British and halfIndian. People always seemed surprised at how fluent he was in Urdu and Hindi, not realizing he’d lived most of his life in Punjab. Those in the industry practically forgot he was English at all. His dark brown hair and dark eyes weren’t a dead giveaway, and his tan was just as much natural as it was a product of too much surfing. But he was a casting director’s dream, because he could play the Hindi-speaking Englishman with just as much ease as he could the fully Indian hero. He was stunning; there was no denying it. He was also gay. There was no denying that either. Not with her husband sketching out his lurid list of sexual demands. But even her own pulse jumped at how Michael’s jeans hung tantalizingly low on his hips, as though they were about to fall off. Clothes were an afterthought on Michael Gill, and a crime against his body. Funny how not a single designer who’d clamored for him to walk their runway had figured that out. Trish squeezed Avi’s fingers in warning. “Don’t be obvious, Avinash,” she chided as they crossed to greet their costars. If Michael was stunning, then Harsh was beautiful. Green eyed, with long, black hair, it was he whom most people assumed was mixed and gay. He had the face of an angel and the body of a god. Masala magazine had conducted a poll of the hottest Bollywood heroes, and he’d easily beaten all the Khans, Michael and Avi to land the top spot. Harsh was the polar opposite of what his name meant in English, and the very definition of its Hindi meaning: happiness and delight. He was kind and generous. He never gossiped, never was the subject of gossip. He’d opened a girls’ school in his family’s ancestral village and funded a scholarship for low-caste orphans. He was practically a saint. He’d always been too much of a saint for a sinner like her.
Her chest ached with sudden memory, and she shoved the pain deep down, back where it belonged. “Don’t be obvious, Trishna,” Avi mimicked, brushing a chaste kiss across her temple. She wasn’t obvious. Of course not. She was a professional. When she warmly extended her hand to the man she’d been in love with since she was sixteen years old, it didn’t shake at all. Neither did her eyes betray what she was thinking, what she was imagining…